by the author of 
 
 16 Be 
 
 THOUGH 
 
 1.1 
 
GIFT OF 
 Irs. William L. Cook 
 
/ * rfl> 
 
 V-2V^i/ 
 
MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
BY THE SAME AUTHOR. 
 
 MANNERS MAKYTH MAN. 
 I2mo, $1.25. 
 
 THE FIVE TALENTS OF WOMAN. 
 
 A Book for Girls and Women, lamo, $1.25. 
 
 HOW TO BE HAPPY THOUGH MARRIED. 
 Being a Hand-book to Marriage. By a 
 Graduate in the University of Matrimony. 
 I2mo, $1.25. 
 
"MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 ttye gtuttjmr of 
 "HOW TO BE HAPPY THOUGH MARRIED" 
 
 ' 
 
 Good manners are neither more nor less than beautiful behaviour." 
 
 * Come on, Sir ; I shall put you to the height of your br-eding." 
 
 Air* Well that end* Well. 
 
 " Conduct is three-fourths of life." 
 
 Matthew Arnold. 
 
 CHARLES SCRIBNER'S SONS 
 
 MDCCCXC 
 
>. / G+rt 
 
BEING " HAPPY THOUGH MARRIED " TEN YEARS, SIX 
 
 MONTHS, THREE WEEKS, AND FOUR DAYS, 
 
 I DEDICATE THIS BOOK TO 
 
 MY WIFE. 
 
 586419 
 

 PREFACE. 
 
 |F gratitude be " a lively sense of benefits to 
 come," I am showing my gratitude to the public 
 for their very kind reception of " How to be 
 Happy though Married " by now presenting 
 to them another little book with my best 
 manners." 
 
 It is not a book of etiquette, for I am by no means a 
 master of ceremonies ; nor does the motto of Winchester 
 College, "Manners makyth man," refer to those social rules 
 and forms which are often only substitutes for good manners, 
 but rather to manners in the old sense of the word which 
 we see in the text, "Evil communications corrupt good 
 manners." 
 
 We are several thousand years too late to say anything new 
 
8 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 about morality, but if there be nothing new in this book, there 
 may be some things true of which we need to be frequently 
 reminded, and to have put before us in different lights. 
 
 Five of these papers appeared in a somewhat different form 
 in Chambers^ Journal, two in The Quiver, two in The Queen, 
 two in The family Circle, and one in Household Words. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 GOOD MANNERS ... 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 "GOD ALMIGHTY'S GENTLEMEN" 
 
 PAGE 
 
 13 
 
 24 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 WANTED A MAN! 34 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 WOMAN'S WORK TO PLEASE 
 
 
 
 42 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 MATRIMONIAL MANNERS 
 
io CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 A HUSBAND-AND-WIFE MUTUAL IMPROVEMENT SOCIETY 6 1 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 " MIND WHOM YOU MARRY !" 71 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 THE MANAGEMENT OF A HUSBAND 8 1 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 FAMILY GOVERNMENT 9! 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 VAINGLORIOUS HOUSEKEEPING IO2 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 KEEPING UP APPEARANCES IIO 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 ABOUT READING Il8 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 CONVERSATION ... 129 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 OUR SHAKSPERIAN READINGS 138 
 
CONTENTS. II 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 TIPPLING 143 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 "MONEY is CHARACTER" ... 155 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 TRAVELLING WITH ADVANTAGE 1 66 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 ARE OUR MANNERS AND 'MORALS PERFECT? I?6 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 " ONLY TEMPER 1 86 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 "ONLY TRIFLES" 194 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 MISAPPLIED VIRTUES 203 
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 VITAL FORCE 2IO 
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 SUCCESS IN LIFE 219 
 
12 CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 IN ALL TIME OF OUR WEALTH " ... 228 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 MORE SUNSHINE 2$8 
 
 CHAPTER XXVI. 
 
 DISTINGUISHED SERVICE IN PASSION 248 
 
 CHAPTER XXVII. 
 
 WHAT IS RELIGION? ... 2$6 
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII. 
 "HOW DO YOU DO?" ~ 263 
 
 CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 THE WISDOM OF THE FOOLISH 269 
 
 CHAPTER XXX. 
 THE WISE MAN'S CONCLUSION ... 277 
 
CHAPTER I. 
 
 GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 " Those inferior duties of life which the French call lespetites morales^ 
 or the smaller morals, are with us distinguished by the name of good 
 manners. " Swift. 
 
 " Manners are of more importance than laws. According to their 
 quality, they aid morals, they supply laws, or they totally destroy 
 them." Burke. 
 
 |OOD manners are nothing less than little 
 morals. They are the shadows of virtues, if 
 not virtues themselves. "A beautiful be- 
 haviour is better than a beautiful form; it 
 gives a higher pleasure than statues and pic- 
 tures ; it is the finest of the fine arts." How well it is then 
 that no one class has a monopoly in this " finest of fine arts ; " 
 that while favourable circumstances undoubtedly do render 
 good manners more common among persons moving in higher 
 rather than in lower spheres, there should nevertheless be 
 no positive hindrance to the poorest classes practising good 
 
14 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 manners towards each other. For what is a good manner ? 
 It is the art of putting our associates at their ease. Who- 
 ever makes the fewest persons uncomfortable is the best- 
 mannered man in the room. 
 
 Vanity, ill-nature, want of sympathy, want of sense these 
 are the chief sources from which bad manners spring. Nor 
 can we imagine an incident in which a man could be at a 
 loss as to what to say or do in company, if he were always 
 considerate for the feelings of others, forgot himself, and 
 did not lose his head or leave his common sense at home. 
 Such an one may not have studied etiquette, he may be 
 chaotic rather than " good form," as the slang expression is ; 
 and yet, because his head and heart are sound, he will speak 
 and act as becomes a gentleman. On the other hand, a 
 very pedant in form and bigot in ceremonies may be nothing 
 better than the "mildest-mannered man that ever cut a 
 throat." As we can be wise without learning, so it is quite 
 possible to be well-mannered with little or no knowledge of 
 those rules and forms which are at best only a substitute for 
 common sense, and which cannot be considered essential to 
 good manners, inasmuch as they vary in every country, and 
 even in the same country change about with the weather- 
 cock of fashion. Vanity renders people too self-conscious 
 to have good manners, for if we are always thinking of the 
 impression we are making, we cannot give enough attention 
 to the feelings and conversation of others. Without trying 
 to be natural an effort that would make us most artificial 
 we must be natural by forgetting self in the desire to 
 please others. Elderly unmarried students, and those who 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 15 
 
 lead lonely lives generally, not unfrequently acquire awkward 
 manners, the result of self-conscious sensitiveness. 
 
 Shyness was a source of misery to the late Archbishop 
 Whately. When at Oxford, his white rough coat and white 
 hat obtained for him the sobriquet of " The White Bear ; " 
 and his manners, according to his own account of himself, 
 corresponded with the appellation. He was directed, by 
 way of remedy, to copy the example of the best-mannered 
 men he met in society; but the attempt to do this only 
 increased his shyness. He found that he was all the while 
 thinking of himself rather than of others ; whereas thinking 
 of others rather than of one's self is the essence of politeness. 
 Finding that he was making no progress, he said to himself : 
 " I have tried my very utmost, and find that I must be as 
 awkward as a bear all my life, in spite of it. I will 
 endeavour to think about it as little as a bear, and make up 
 my mind to endure what can't be cured." In thus endeavour- 
 ing to shake off all consciousness as to manner, he says : 
 " I succeeded beyond my expectations ; for I not only got 
 rid of the personal suffering of shyness, but also of most of 
 those faults of manner which consciousness produces j and 
 acquired at once an easy and natural manner careless 
 indeed in the extreme, from its originating in a stern 
 defiance of opinion, which I had convinced myself must be 
 ever against me ; rough and awkward, for smoothness and 
 grace are quite out of my way, and of course tutorially 
 pedantic ; but unconscious, and therefore giving expression 
 to that good-will towards men which I really feel ; and these, 
 I believe, are the main points." 
 
16 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 Vanity, again, is the source of that boasting self-assertion 
 which is the bane of manners. He is an ill-mannered man 
 who is always loud in the praises of himself and of his 
 children; who, boasting of his rank, of his business, of 
 achievements in his calling, looks down upon lower orders 
 of people ; who cannot refrain from having his joke at the 
 expense of another's character; whose smart thing must 
 come out because he has not the gentlemanly feeling that 
 suggests to us 
 
 " Never to blend our pleasure or our pride 
 With sorrow to the meanest thing that lives." 
 
 The habit of saying rude things, of running people down, 
 springs not so much from ill-nature as from that vanity that 
 would rather lose a friend than a joke. On this point Dr. 
 Johnson once remarked : " Sir, a man has no more right to 
 say an uncivil thing than to act one no more right to say 
 a rude thing to another than to knock him down." The 
 vain egotism that disregards others is shown in various 
 impolite ways ; as, for instance, by neglect of propriety in 
 dress, by the absence of cleanliness, or by indulging in 
 repulsive habits. Some think themselves so well-born, so 
 clever, or so rich, as to be above caring what others say and 
 think of them. It is said that the ancient kings of Egypt 
 used to commence speeches to their subjects with the 
 formula, " By the head of Pharaoh, ye are all swine 1 " We 
 need not wonder that those who take this swine-theory view 
 of their neighbours should be careless of setting their tastes 
 and feelings at defiance. Contrast such puppyism with the 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 17 
 
 conduct of David Ancillon, a famous Huguenot preacher, 
 one of whose motives for studying his sermons with the 
 greatest care was, " that it was showing too little esteem for 
 the public to take no pains in preparation, and that a man 
 who should appear on a ceremonial day in his night-cap 
 and dressing-gown could not commit a greater breach of 
 civility." 
 
 " Spite and ill-nature," it has been said, " are among the 
 most expensive luxuries of life ; " and this is true, for none 
 of us can afford to surround himself with the host of enemies 
 we are sure to make, if, when young, we allow ill-nature 
 to produce in us unmannerly habits. Good manners, like 
 good words, cost nothing, and are worth everything. What 
 advantage, for instance, did the bookseller, on whom Dr. 
 Johnson once called to solicit employment, get from his 
 brutal reply : " Go buy a porter's knot and carry trunks " ? 
 The surly natures of such men prevent them from ever 
 entertaining angels unawares. 
 
 It is want of sympathy, however, much more than a bad 
 nature that produces the ill-mannered hardness of character 
 so well described by Sydney Smith : " Hardness is a want 
 of minute attention to the feelings of others. It does not 
 proceed from malignity or carelessness of inflicting pain, but 
 from a want of delicate perception of those little things by 
 which pleasure is conferred or pain excited. A hard person 
 thinks he has done enough if he does not speak ill of your 
 relations, your children, or your country; and then, with 
 the greatest good-humour and volubility, and with a total 
 inattention to your individual state and position, gallops 
 
i S " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN? 
 
 over a thousand fine feelings, and leaves in every step the 
 mark of his hoofs upon your heart. Analyze the conversa- 
 tion of a well-bred man who is clear of the besetting sin of 
 hardness ; it is a perpetual homage of polite good-nature. 
 In the meantime, the gentleman on the other side of you (a 
 highly moral and respectable man) has been crushing little 
 sensibilities, and violating little proprieties, and overlooking 
 little discriminations ; and without violating anything which 
 can be called a rule> or committing what can be denomi- 
 nated a/tfz/#, has displeased and dispirited you, from want- 
 ing that fine vision which sees little things, and that delicate 
 touch which handles them, and that fine sympathy which 
 this superior moral organization always bestows." 
 
 Of course we must not judge people too much by external 
 manner, for many a man has nothing of the bear about him 
 but his skin. Nevertheless, as we cannot expect people in 
 general to take time to see whether we are what we seem to 
 be, it is foolish to roll ourselves into a prickly ball on the 
 approach of strangers. If we do so, we cannot wonder at 
 their exclaiming, " A rough Christian ! " as the dog said of 
 the hedgehog. 
 
 It is difficult to see how the " natural-born fool " to use 
 an American expression can ever hope to become well 
 mannered, for without good sense, or rather tact, a man 
 must continually make a fool of himself in society. Why 
 are women as a rule better mannered than men ? Because 
 their greater sympathy and power of quicker intuition give 
 to them finer tact. Nor is talent which knows what to do 
 of much use, if the tact be wanting which should enable us 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 19 
 
 to see how to do it. He who has talent without tact is like 
 the millionaire who never has a penny of ready-money 
 about him. Dr. Smiles illustrates the difference between a 
 man of quick tact and of no tact whatever, by an interview 
 which he says once took place between Lord Palmerston 
 and Mr. Behnes the sculptor. At the last sitting which 
 Lord Palmerston gave him, Behnes opened the conversation 
 with : " Any news, my lord, from France ? How do we 
 stand with Louis Napoleon ? " The Foreign Secretary 
 raised his eyebrows for an instant, and quietly replied : 
 " Really, Mr. Behnes, I don't know ; I have not seen the 
 newspapers ! " Behnes, with much talent, was one of the 
 many men who entirely miss their way in life through want 
 of tact. 
 
 A well-mannered man is courteous to all sorts and condi- 
 tions of men. He is respectful to his inferiors as well as 
 to his equals and superiors. Honouring the image of God 
 in every man, his good manners are not reserved for the 
 few who can pay for them, or who make themselves feared. 
 Like the gentle summer air, his civility plays round all alike. 
 " The love and admiration," says Canon Kingsley, " which 
 that truly brave and loving man Sir Sydney Smith won from 
 every one, rich and poor, with whom he came in contact, 
 seems to have arisen from the one fact, that without, perhaps, 
 having any such conscious intention, he treated rich and 
 poor, his own servants, and the noblemen his guests, alike, 
 and alike courteously, considerately, cheerfully, affection- 
 ately so leaving a blessing and reaping a blessing wherever 
 he went." Certainly the working-classes of England, however 
 
20 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN.* 
 
 respectful they may be to those whom often for interested 
 reasons they call " their betters," are far from being suffi- 
 ciently polite to each other. Why should not British 
 labourers when they meet take off their hats to each other, 
 and courteously ask after Mrs. Hardwork and family? 
 There is not a moment of their lives the enjoyment of 
 which might not be enhanced by kindliness of this sort in 
 the workshop, in the street, or at home. 
 
 We know that extremes meet, and there is an over-civility 
 that becomes less than civil, because it forces people to act 
 contrary to their inclinations. Well-mannered people con- 
 sult the wishes of others rather than their own. They do 
 not proceed in a tyrannical manner to prescribe what their 
 friends shall eat and drink, nor do they put them in the 
 awkward position of having to answer a thousand apologies 
 for their entertainment. When guests refuse an offered 
 civility, we ought not to press it. When they desire to 
 leave our house, it is really bad manners to lock the stable- 
 door, hide their hats, and have recourse to similar artifices to 
 ptevent their doing so. As, however, this zeal of hospitality 
 without knowledge is a good fault, and one not too common, 
 there is perhaps no need to say more about it. It leans to 
 virtue's side. 
 
 We must not confound etiquette with good manners, for 
 the arbitrary rules of the former are very often absurd, and 
 differ in various ages and countries ; whereas good manners, 
 founded as they are on common-sense, are always and every- 
 where the same. It would be invidious to illustrate this 
 assertion from the society of our own country, so we shall 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 21 
 
 import a reductio ad absurdum of etiquette from Japan. In 
 The Gentle Life, the following account is given of what 
 used to take place at the Japanese court. "When one 
 courtier was insulted by another, he who bore the insult 
 turned round to the insulter, and quietly uncovering the 
 stomach, ripped himself open. The aggressor, by an inex- 
 orable law of etiquette, was bound to follow the lead, and 
 so the two die. The most heart-rending look ever witnessed 
 was one given by a Japanese, who, having been insulted by 
 an American, carried out the rule, expecting his opponent 
 to follow suit. But the Yankee would do nothing of the 
 sort; and the Japanese expired in agonies not from the 
 torture of his wound, but from being a sacrifice to so foolish 
 and underbred a fellow whilst the American looked at him 
 in a maze of wonder." If it were not so sad, we might 
 laugh at such accounts of self-torture, as well as at people 
 of our own acquaintance who, worshipping conventionality, 
 are ever on the rack about "the right thing to do," about 
 " good form." 
 
 But this sort of folly should not blind us to the value of 
 good manners as distinguished from etiquette. 
 
 " Manners are not idle, but the fruit 
 Of noble nature and of loyal mind." 
 
 Were it not for the oil of civility, how could the wheels of 
 society continue to work ? Money, talent, rank these are 
 keys that turn some locks ; but kindness or a sympathetic 
 manner is a master-key that can open all. If " virtue itself 
 offends when coupled with a forbidding manner," how great 
 must be the power of winning manners, such as steer between 
 
22 " MANNERS MA KYTH MAN" 
 
 bluntness and plain-dealing, between giving merited praise 
 and flattery. 
 
 Men succeed in their professions quite as much by com- 
 plaisance and kindliness of manner as by talent. Demos- 
 thenes, in giving his well-known advice to an orator that 
 eloquence consisted in three things, the first " action," the 
 second " action," and the third " action " is supposed to 
 have intended manner only. A telling preacher in his 
 opening remarks gains the good-will of his hearers, and 
 makes them feel both that he has something to say and that 
 he can say it by his manner. The successful medical man 
 on entering a sick-room inspires into his patients belief in 
 himself, and that hope which is so favourable to longevity 
 by his manner. Considering that jurymen are scarcely 
 personifications of pure reason unmixed with passion or 
 prejudice, a barrister cannot afford to neglect manner if he 
 would bring twelve men one after another to his way of 
 thinking. Again, has the business man any stock-in-trade 
 that pays him better than a good address ? And as regards 
 the "survival of the fittest" in tournaments for a lady's hand, 
 is it not a "natural selection" when the old motto "Manners 
 makyth man" decides the contest? At least Wilkes, the 
 best-mannered but ugliest man of his day, thought so. " I 
 am," he said, " the ugliest man in the three kingdoms ; but 
 if you give me a quarter of an hour's start, I will gain the 
 love of any woman before the handsomest." 
 
 If kindliness of disposition be the essence of good 
 manners, our subject is seen at once to shade off into the 
 great one of Christianity itself. It is the heart that makes 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 23 
 
 both the true gentleman and the great theologian. The 
 Apostle Paul (see speech delivered on Mars' Hill) always 
 endeavoured to conciliate his audience when he commenced 
 addressing them. And his letters, as well as those of his 
 fellow-apostles, are full of sympathy and consideration for 
 every one's feelings, because he had learned from Him 
 whose sympathy extended to even the greatest of sinners. 
 
 Rather more than fifty years ago there was a lawsuit in 
 which Trinity College, Dublin, was concerned. On this 
 occasion, Rev. John Barrett, senior fellow, familiarly styled 
 " Jacky Barrett," was lugged out of his sanctum, from which 
 he very rarely stirred, to give evidence against the assailant 
 of his loved and cherished establishment. Sir Jonah, who 
 cross-examined him, gives this account of his defeat by the 
 little kiln-dried sage : 
 
 " I examined the most learned of the whole University, 
 Dr. Barrett, a little greasy, shabby, croaking, round-faced 
 vice provost He knew nothing on earth save books and 
 guineas, never went out, and held but little intercourse with 
 mankind. I worked at him unsuccessfully more than an 
 hour; not one decisive sentence could I get him to pro- 
 nounce. At length he grew quite tired of me, and I thought 
 to conciliate him by telling him that his father had christened 
 me. ' Indeed ! ' exclaimed he. ' Oh, I did not know you 
 were a Christian/ At this unexpected repartee the laugh 
 was so strong against me that I found myself muzzled." 
 
 To some highly " respectable " and even baptized persons 
 one is tempted to say, on hearing them make religious pro- 
 fessions which they never put into practice " Oh, I did not 
 know you were a Christian." 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 "GOD ALMIGHTY'S GENTLEMEN." 
 
 " Every one may arrive at true nobility by the ways of virtue and 
 goodness." William Penn. 
 
 " Loke who that is most vertuous alway, 
 Prive and apert, and most entendeth ay 
 To do the gentil dedes that he can, 
 And take him for the gretest gentilman." Chaucer. 
 
 " What can ennoble sots, or slaves, or cowards ? 
 Alas ! not all the blood of all the Howards. 
 Worth makes the man, and want of it the fellow ; 
 The rest is all but leather or prunello." Pope. 
 
 HE grand old name of "gentleman" is now so 
 " soiled with all ignoble use," that one prefers 
 to call himself simply "man" rather than 
 "gentleman." And yet were a distinction 
 drawn on proper grounds between genttemen 
 and roughs, we should all desire to belong to the former 
 class. To ask what is the difference between God Al- 
 
" GOD ALMIGHTY S GENTLEMEN? 25 
 
 mighty's gentlemen and society's gentlemen is very much 
 the same as asking what is the difference between a real 
 and a nominal Christian. 
 
 We read that the fact of our Lord's humble birth and 
 trade offended that is, was a difficulty to those who 
 listened to His words of wisdom, and saw the mighty works 
 which were wrought by His hands. " From whence," they 
 asked, " hath this Man these things ? and what wisdom is 
 this which is given unto Him, that even such mighty works 
 are wrought by His hands ? Is not this the Carpenter, the 
 Son of Mary, the brother of James, and Joses, and of Juda, 
 and Simon ? and are not His sisters here with us ? And 
 they were offended at Him.'* But, instead of being 
 orfended, all who love and sympathize with their fellow- 
 creatures ought to be truly thankful that our Saviour was 
 only " the Carpenter," for Christ's early trade has consoled, 
 and for ever shall console, the estate of poverty. It has 
 caused work, even the humblest, to be looked upon by all 
 earnest, good men not as a disgrace, but as a sacred duty ; 
 and, more than this, it has elevated our entire conception 
 of manhood by itself, without rank and wealth, as something 
 grand and noble in the sight of God. All who love their 
 Saviour, and remember that He had no higher social posi- 
 tion than that of a carpenter, must say with our Poel 
 Laureate 
 
 " Howe'er it be, it seems to me 
 "Tis only noble to be good ; 
 Kind hearts are more than coronets, 
 And simple faith than Norman blood." 
 
26 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 Christ chose poverty a condition in which the vast majority 
 of His brothers and sisters live in order that the rich 
 should no longer despise the poor, and that a man's worth 
 should be estimated by his character, and not by the amount 
 of money he may possess. 
 
 There has ever been a tendency to regard idleness as the 
 stamp of aristocracy. The old Greeks and Romans used to 
 delegate all manual labour to slaves. The Jews, too, though 
 each boy was taught a trade, despised labour, if the labourer 
 were ignorant and unlearned; and, even now, to be a 
 " walking gentleman," as it is called, is too often considered 
 as a desirable condition of life. But our Lord wished to 
 show that labour is a pure and noble thing, saving the body 
 from effeminate languor and the soul from unhealthy, 
 polluting thoughts ; therefore He worked as a carpenter, 
 and, by doing so, has sanctioned and ennobled all honest 
 work. A true Christian cannot now say, "I am above 
 doing any work," even the humblest, for his Saviour was 
 not. He who works with his head cannot now despise the 
 manual labourer. And what shall we say of him who 
 consumes much and produces little who does not help the 
 world in any way, but is only a burden to it? Shall we 
 now say, the idler a man is, the greater gentleman he is ? 
 or shall not Christians say, " Our Master worked with His 
 hands, and therefore idlers are no followers of Him " ? 
 
 The world hardly attaches significance to any life except 
 those of its heroes and benefactors, its mighty intellects, its 
 conquerors, or its millionaires. But these must always be 
 the few. Most of us lead an insignificant, plodding, un- 
 
"GOD ALMIGHTY S GENTLEMEN* 27 
 
 romantic life, with very little in it to excite, and much 
 poverty and humiliation to embitter it. What a blessed 
 fact, then, is it for us that our Saviour did not come on 
 earth as a rich, honoured man, but as a poor and despised 
 one! The poor may now hear Him gladly, as they did 
 when He taught them in person, for He took upon Him 
 the condition of the many and not that of the few. He 
 was only a poor labourer, " the Carpenter." From this we 
 were meant to learn that our condition before God consists 
 in our inner and not in our outer life that Gpd does not 
 value a man for his money, for his profession, or for the 
 titles and alphabet of letters he attaches to his name as 
 advertisements of respectability. How different from God's 
 is our estimate of our fellow-creatures ! He values us for 
 what we are, while we value ourselves and others for what 
 we have. We talk of a man being " worth " so much a 
 year, and dare to estimate men and women, for whom the 
 Lord of Glory came down to die, only by the size of their 
 houses, the number of their servants, and such-like acci- 
 dental outward circumstances. 
 
 There is a story told of a Persian prince which well 
 illustrates such worldliness. Dressed as a poor man, this 
 prince went to a feast. He was pushed here and there, 
 could not get to the table, and had soon to withdraw. On 
 going home, he dressed himself in his best, placing jewelled 
 slippers on his feet, and putting on a cloth-of-gold cloak. 
 Then he returned to the feast, where matters were imme- 
 diately altered. The guests made room, and the host, 
 rushing up, cried, " Welcome, my lord ! What will your 
 
28 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 lordship please to eat?" The prince's answer was very 
 expressive. Stretching out his foot, so that his slipper 
 sparkled and glittered, he took his golden robe in his hand, 
 and said with bitter irony, " Welcome, my lord coat ! 
 welcome, most excellent robe ! What will your lordship 
 please to eat ? For,'' said he, turning to his surprised host, 
 " I ought to ask my coat what it will eat, since the welcome 
 was solely to it." 
 
 Then you hear people apologizing for their business, and 
 saying that^ they were the first of the family who ever had 
 to do anything, or ever were in trade ; as if they should be 
 ashamed of any honest work, and should not be far more 
 ashamed to confess that their forefathers were idle do- 
 nothings, who only lived for themselves. The man who 
 " knows his grandfathers " and the man who does not, only 
 differ in this, that one knows that many of them deserved 
 to be hanged, while the other remains in blissful ignorance 
 of the probable fact. To a British snob an American said, 
 "Sir, my family began where yours ended." 
 
 As another instance of this spirit, consider in what an 
 arbitrary way we give or withhold the title of " gentleman," 
 giving it to those who are well off, as far, at least, as money 
 is concerned, though they may have every vice, and may 
 be quite the reverse of gentle ; and refusing it to many truly 
 gentle ones because they have little treasure on earth. The 
 duties of a gentleman have been well summed up in a few 
 questions by a popular writer. " What is it to be a gentle- 
 man ? " he says. " Is it to be honest, to be gentle, to be 
 generous, to be brave, to be wise ; and, possessing all these 
 
" GOD ALMIGPITYS GENTLEMEN? 29 
 
 qualities, to exercise them in the most graceful outward 
 manner? Ought a gentleman to be a good son, a true 
 husband, an honest father? Ought his life to be decent, 
 his bills paid, his tastes to be high and elegant, his aims in 
 life to be noble ? Yes, he should be all these, and some- 
 what more ; and these all men can be, and women, too." 
 Thus it is that a true Christian is a true gentleman, and 
 none other. Every British workman, however poor, might 
 be a gentleman, if he would live soberly and respect himself, 
 for " the first true Gentleman that ever breathed" was only 
 " the Carpenter." 
 
 The best of men 
 
 That e'er wore earth about Him was a Sufferer ; 
 A soft, meek, patient, humble, tranquil spirit ; 
 The first true Gentleman that ever breathed." 
 
 The church of Christ has been too backward in proclaim- 
 ing the equality of all men and women who have an equal 
 measure of Christ's Spirit. Yet those who refuse to call all 
 Christ's brothers and sisters equal who have equal moral 
 worth, though they may honour their Saviour with their lips, 
 deny Him in His brethren. So long as we do this, that 
 mind is not in us which was in Christ Jesus, " who, being in 
 the form of God, made Himself of no reputation, and took 
 upon Him the form of a servant." 
 
 " Oh ! let us keep our proper stations, 
 Bless the squire and his relations ; 
 Be thankful for our daily rations, 
 And humbly fill our occupations J " 
 
 The duly of striving after such a standard of perfection as 
 
30 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 this has been preached rather more than enough to the poor, 
 but the Bible tells the rich that they too have occupations, 
 and that they must humbly fill them. 
 
 Our Lord laid down emphatically that in His kingdom 
 men were to be esteemed worthy not in proportion to their 
 wealth or hereditary rank, but in proportion to their capacity 
 to serve. "Whosoever will be great among you, let him 
 be your minister." Those whom the Gospel would have 
 humble and meek are the rich, and great, and strong. The 
 strong are to bear the infirmities of the weak, and the meek 
 are to inherit the earth. "All of you be subject one to 
 another." 
 
 The fact that the schoolmaster is abroad, that a newspaper 
 can be bought for one penny, that railways carry artizans 
 cheaply to the best market for their labour, that numbers of 
 men are now brought together to work socially under the 
 same roof these things are fast rendering antiquated the old 
 theory of dependence and protection the theory that the 
 lot of the poor should be regulated for them and not by 
 them ; that the rich should be in loco parentis to the poor, 
 guiding and restraining them like children. Now since we 
 cannot, even if we would, prevent the labouring classes from 
 becoming independent, ought we not to show them how to 
 Christianize their independence ? We should say to them : 
 You are quite right in thinking that God is no respecter of 
 persons. We Christians sympathize with your endeavours 
 to acquire the virtues of freemen ; but take care that while 
 freeing yourselves from other masters you do not become 
 the slaves of your lower selves. To prevent this you must 
 
" GOD ALMIGHTY'S GENTLEMEN" 31 
 
 become His servants whose service is perfect freedom. He 
 in whom there is neither bond nor free, He who, when on 
 earth, was called " the Carpenter," has a message for the 
 working classes, which if they will accept they shall be free 
 indeed. 
 
 Neither the possession of a vote by the poor nor the 
 fashionable philanthropy of the rich can regenerate society. 
 Nothing but true Christianity can raise the characters of the 
 poor and humble the pride of the rich, so that both ends of 
 society may enjoy Christian liberty, which is just the reverse 
 of atheistical licence. Only Christ Himself can bring about 
 equality and fraternity between different classes. Without 
 His Spirit guiding men, how could there be such a thing as 
 equality? for he would take who had the power, and he 
 would keep who could. Christ is the only foundation for 
 true brotherhood. Nothing can bridge over the chasm which 
 unhappily separates class from class except mutual forbear- 
 ance and self-sacrifice ; in other words, a realization of " the 
 Carpenter's " spirit. 
 
 There will always be class distinctions, for this simple 
 reason, that ability, perseverance, and good character must 
 make people to differ ; but the name of gentleman or lady 
 may be deserved by every individual. Because manners 
 spring from the heart, we find boors among princes, and 
 that fine feeling and consideration for others which constitute 
 good breeding among horny-handed sons and daughters of 
 toil. The " lower orders," properly speaking,, are the bad, 
 and their " betters " the good and wise. Certainly, the 
 Saviour of men, who was Himself only "the Carpenter," 
 
32 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 never once spoke of any of His brothers and sisters as 
 " common people." This we too often forget, and there are 
 mean flatterers who call the merely rich " their betters " for 
 the sake of gain, while the phrase " lower orders " is much 
 used by persons whose clothes are better than their 
 Christianity. 
 
 But though all men might be and should be gentlemen, 
 there are but too many who do not deserve the title. These 
 are they who forget that every title and position has its 
 responsibilities. " We must be gentle, now we are gentlemen." 
 The man who aims at becoming one of God's own gentle- 
 men must free himself from certain sadly common sins. 
 Now it must be confessed by working people's true friends 
 that is, by those who do not flatter them that as long as 
 they tolerate and make light of the sin of drunkenness, no 
 real gentility belongs to them as a class. 
 
 It is a painful fact, that fifty years ago, those who were 
 called " gentlemen " felt no shame at leaving dinner-parties 
 in a disgusting state of intoxication. Nay, they were even 
 proud of the very ignoble distinction, as it seems to us now, 
 of being "three-bottle men." Then men of the middle and 
 upper classes who in any degree resisted the " Devil in 
 solution " were laughed at for their sobriety. The " argu- 
 ment of a grin " was on the side of drunkenness amongst 
 fox-hunting squires. Now all this is changed, and if a 
 gentleman were to exceed at a dinner-party, his presence 
 would not be desired at another. When will working people 
 as a class do what the best of them do despise and ridicule, 
 not their sober, but their drunken companions ? When will 
 
* GOD ALMIGHTY'S GENTLEMEN." 33 
 
 the public opinion of artizans be firmly opposed to that 
 dreary and deadly habit of spending two days out of seven 
 in a public-house ? Let British workmen and workwomen 
 " cut " those of their associates who disgrace their calling ; 
 let them speak of those as "sots," and the reverse of gentle- 
 men who stand for hours drinking away their honour, repu- 
 tation, and money, in glasses of " wet damnation," more 
 costly than the wine in which Cleopatra dissolved her pearls. 
 Let them talk of the sin of intemperance sternly, and not as 
 if it were an innocent pastime, calling it "abend," "a spree," 
 "a wet," and such demoralizing pet names. 
 
 When, but only when, the working classes change their 
 sentiments in this matter, each one of them may, by the 
 grace of Almighty God, become His gentleman. And 
 is it not the high calling of British workwomen to endeavour, 
 by their example, management, and loving-kindness, to mould 
 sober gentlemen out of drunken roughs ? 
 
 " Oh, woman ! lovely woman ! nature made thee 
 To temper men ; we had been brutes without you. 
 Angels are painted fair, to look like you : 
 There's in you all that we believe of heaven 
 Amazing brightness, purity, and truth 
 Eternal joy, and everlasting love." 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 WANTED A MAN ! 
 
 " Se'f- reverence, self-knowledge, self-control, 
 These thre-: alone lead man to sovereign power." Tennyson. 
 
 " Run ye to and fro through the streets of Jerusalem, and see now, 
 and know, and seek in the broad places thereof, if ye can find a 
 man." -Jeremiah. 
 
 [HAT was so hard to find in Jerusalem three 
 thousand years ago (Jeremiah v. i) is not 
 much more common now, even amongst the 
 five million inhabitants of London. The 
 philosopher, Diogenes, sought with a lantern 
 at noontide in ancient Athens for a perfectly honest man, 
 and sought in vain. In the market-place he once cried 
 aloud, " Hear me, O men ! " and when a crowd collected 
 round him, he said, scornfully, "I called for men, not 
 pigmies." The fact is that while human creatures are 
 plentiful, men real true men are very few. It is difficult 
 
WANTED A MAN! 35 
 
 to get men with proper physical development for -the army. 
 Boys and hobbledehoys can be got, but there is a scarcity 
 of men. How much more difficult is it to find men with 
 moral measurements such as fit them for God's service in 
 the 'war against sin ! 
 
 What is it that makes a man ? It is not mere largeness 
 of body, nor even athletic proficiency, for some of the 
 greatest soldiers have been little men. Napoleon, Welling- 
 ton, and the hero of Khartoum, were great in spirit, but not 
 in body. What are called " manly sports " do much good 
 in training our bodies, but many of the greatest men have 
 been no good at athletics. A man may be weak in body, 
 as was St. Paul, but he may be very strong in conscience, 
 heart, mind, soul, and will. On the other hand, a very 
 Hercules in bodily development is not a man at all, if these, 
 the highest qualities of man's nature, be left out of his 
 composition. 
 
 What is a man without a conscience? A brute nay, 
 lower than that, for even a respectable horse and dog know 
 when they have done wrong, and have the grace to be sorry 
 for it. The dog's master can read that much in his sad 
 eyes and penitent tail. Wanted, a MAN who will honestly 
 obey the dictates of his conscience. 
 
 " Man is his own star, and that soul that can 
 Be honest is the only perfect man." 
 
 Again, when the heart or affections have died out, a good 
 part of the man is gone. You cannot call him a man who 
 has no feeling for others, and who heeds not what sorrow 
 he causes, so long as he can gratify his desires. He who 
 
36 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 in this way hardens all within himself and petrifies his 
 feelings is no longer a man. How different it is with him 
 who leads a Christian life ! His strength is as the strength 
 of ten, because his heart is pure. He is the highest style 
 of man. 
 
 Sometimes one meets with a man of gigantic bodily 
 proportions, and we look up to him with admiration. 
 Such a fine man ! But no, after talking to him a little our 
 opinion quite changes. His talk is childish, for he has 
 never cultivated any of the powers of his mind, and we say 
 to ourselves in disappointment " Wanted, a man ! " 
 
 Worse still are soulless beings, who have the form of 
 men but not the reality because they have lost their souls. 
 The soul is like a curious chamber with elastic walls, that 
 can be expanded, with God as its guest, almost to infinity, 
 but which without God shrinks and shrivels until every 
 vestige of the Divine is gone. One cannot call him a man, 
 however muscular he may be, from whom every vestige of 
 the image of God in which he was made has been obliterated 
 by neglect or abuse. 
 
 He is a man who has a will to do and a soul to dare, 
 however insignificant the measurements of his body. 
 Shakespeare represents one of his characters saying to his 
 body on the morning of a battle 
 
 " Thou tremblest, my poor body, 
 But if thou knewest where I will bring you this day, 
 Thou wouldst tremble much more." 
 
 Was not that a man, because his spirit was willing, though 
 his flesh and nerves were weak ? 
 
\ 
 
 WANTED A MAN! 37 
 
 A true man has enough strength of will to possess or 
 keep a mastery over his body, with all its desires and 
 passions. Knowing that the body is a very good servant 
 but a very bad master, he keeps it under and brings it into 
 subjection. He trains his passions to be controlled like a 
 well-trained spaniel. He has that self-reverence and self- 
 restraint which lead men to sovereign power. He is able 
 to say " No " to temptation, and therefore he is a MAN, the 
 highest and noblest of God's creatures. What a glorious 
 epitaph that was which was once placed on the stone above 
 a soldier's grave 
 
 " Here lies a soldier whom all must applaud, 
 
 Who fought many battles, at home and abroad ; 
 But the hottest engagement he ever was in, 
 Was the conquest of self in the battle of sin." 
 
 Whatever withdraws us from the power of the senses, 
 whatever makes the past, the distant, and the future, pre- 
 dominate over the passing interests of the present, advances 
 us in the dignity of human beings. 
 
 " I knew," says Gough, the Temperance orator, " a man 
 who said he would give up chewing tobacco. He took 
 his plug of tobacco out of his pocket and threw it away, 
 and said, 'That is the end of my job/ But it was the 
 beginning. How he did want it ! He chewed gentian and 
 chewed chamomile flowers, and chewed anything to keep 
 his jaws going. Nothing satisfied him. He said the very 
 tip of his tongue clamoured for the stimulant. He said, 
 ' I will go and get another. I will buy another plug, and 
 when I want it awfully then I'll take a little.' And he did 
 
38 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 want it awfully ; and he took his knife and piece of tobacco, 
 and then he said he thought it was God's Spirit striving 
 with him. He held it in his hand, and said, ' I love you, 
 and I want you. Are you my master, or am I yours? 
 That is a question I am going to settle. You are a weed 
 and I am a man. You are a fiend and I am a man. You 
 black devil, I will master you if I die for it. It never shall 
 be said of me again There is a man mastered by a thing. 
 I want you, but I will fight against you to the last.' It 
 was six months before he got rid of the craving ; but he 
 fought the battle and won, because he was a man." 
 
 In judging our neighbours, what's done we partly may 
 compute, but know not what's resisted. As much grace as 
 would make John a saint would hardly keep Peter from 
 knocking a man down. Robert Collyer said, " I heard a 
 man say that for twenty-eight years the soul within him had 
 to stand like an unsleeping sentinel, guarding his appetite 
 for strong drink." That was a man, because he battled 
 against his besetting sin. In the story of "Romola," George 
 Eliot draws the picture of a man, good, generous, hand- 
 some, with all the appliances and means of doing good, 
 who, " because he tried to slip away from everything that 
 was unpleasant, and cared for nothing so much as his own 
 safety, came at last to commit some of the basest deeds 
 such as make men infamous." 
 
 This slipping away from everything unpleasant, and only 
 caring for present ease and enjoyment, is the characteristic 
 of those who are wanting in manhood, and who fail to come 
 up to the measure of the stature of the perfect Man, Jesus 
 
WANTED A MAN! 39 
 
 Christ. The test of manhood is ability to deny one's self 
 in the present for the sake of the future, in the seen for the 
 sake of the unseen. 
 
 Oh ! that we could fight our battle of life and slay our 
 spiritual enemies with the patience, determination and self- 
 denying resolution exhibited by those of Gideon's army who, 
 when God tried their manhood at the water-edge, were not 
 found wanting ! On they went, in pursuit of their vanquished 
 foes, and when they passed over Jordan, with Gideon at 
 their head, they are described as " faint yet pursuing." 
 
 No higher praise could be given to any man or woman 
 than this " faint yet pursuing." It is easy for the strong 
 and the unwearied to pursue; but when our resolutions 
 have failed over and over again when we are wounded 
 almost to death by the fiery darts of temptation if then we 
 pursue and do not give up, we shall receive from God the 
 praise, " Well done, good and faithful servant; you have done 
 what you could." 
 
 How many are faint and weary in the battle of life ! 
 Some have the temptations of poverty to endure, others 
 have the no less temptations of riches. This man hates his 
 profession or business; the domestic surroundings of this 
 woman are by no means what she likes. All are disap- 
 pointed, and to some life itself seems scarcely worth living. 
 This being the case, what will they do ? Will they when 
 God is trying their manhood and womanhood will they 
 yield to selfishness and indolence, as did the nine thousand 
 and seven hundred of Gideon's army, who lay down like 
 beast by the waterside, or will they under the leadership of 
 
40 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN: 1 
 
 their Captain, Christ continue to pursue, though faint, the 
 enemies of their soul ? What are wanted is not " little wee 
 bit mannikins," but men. When General Garfield was 
 asked, as a young boy, "what he meant to be," he 
 answered: " First of all I must make myself a man; if I 
 do not succeed in that, I can succeed in nothing." " Before 
 I go any further," says Frank Osbaldistone, in " Rob Roy," 
 "I must know who you are." "I am a man," is the 
 answer, " and my purpose is friendly." "A man," he replied ; 
 " that is a brief description." "It will serve," answered Rob 
 Roy, " for one who has no other to give. He that is with- 
 out name, without friends, without coin, without country, is 
 still at least a man ; and he that has all these is no more." 
 
 It has been beautifully said that the true Shechinah is 
 man roan made in God's image with far-reaching intellect, 
 noble heart, eternal being. 
 
 " Mind that looks before and after, 
 
 Seeking for its home above, 
 Human tears and human laughter, 
 And the depth of human love." 
 
 The Jews would not tread on the smallest bit of paper, for, 
 said they, it may have written on it the name of God. We 
 could honour all men and would never lose our own self- 
 respect if we refused to dishonour the lowest who has any 
 of Christ's image in him. 
 
 Wanted, a man " who, no stunted ascetic, is full of life 
 and fire, but whose passions are trained to come to heel by 
 a strong will, the servant of a tender conscience ; who has 
 learned to love all beauty, whether of nature or of art, ta 
 
WANTED A MAN/ 
 
 hate all vileness, and to respect others as himself." If we 
 would " mark the perfect man and behold the upright," we 
 must look at Jesus. He is our example of perfect manhood, 
 and the nearer we live to Him the more manly we shall be. 
 Would you be a man ? 
 
 " Take thou no thought for aught but truth and right, 
 Content, if such thy fate, to die obscure ; 
 Youth fails and honours ; fame may not endure 
 And loftier souls soon weary of delight. 
 Keep innocence ; be all a true man ought, 
 Let neither pleasure tempt nor pain appal ; 
 Who hath this, he hath all things having naught J 
 Who hath it not, hath nothing having all." 
 
CHAPTER IV. 
 
 WOMAN'S WORK TO PLEASE. 
 
 " Skilled in every art 
 That ennobles and uplifts 
 
 And delights the heart 
 Fair on earth shall be thy fame 
 
 As thy face is fair." Longfellow. 
 
 " Blessed with that charm, the certainty to please." Rogers. 
 
 |WEETNESS is to woman what sugar is to 
 fruit. It is her first business to be happy 
 a sunbeam in the house, making others 
 happy. True, she will often have " a tear in 
 her eye," but, like the bride ol young 
 Lochinvar, it must be accompanied with " a smile on her 
 lips." 
 
 Girls and women are willing enough to be agreeable to 
 
WOMAN'S WORK TO PLEASE. 43 
 
 men if they do not happen to stand to them in the relation 
 of father, brother, or husband ; but it is not every woman 
 who remembers that her raison d'etre is to give out pleasure 
 to all as a fire gives out heat. 
 
 A woman's smile has been the making of many a man. 
 " You smiled upon me," says Petrarch, u and I thought it 
 was spring, and my heart put forth the flowers of hope." 
 " Why don't you laugh, mother ? " said a little three-year-old 
 daughter, as her mother, with clouded countenance, was 
 dressing the little one. The earnest tone of the child 
 provoked the wished-for laugh, and the little heart was 
 happy. The cheery laugh of a mother goes down through 
 generations, as well as her frown. And when the mother's 
 eyes are closed, and lips and hands for ever still, she can 
 have no nobler epitaph than one which may be seen in a 
 certain churchyard on a plain marble stone : 
 
 " She always made home happy." 
 
 Nursing the sick is pre-eminently woman's work, and even 
 more than children are sick people pleased by a cheerful 
 face. It is nearly as good for them as healthy weather. 
 
 How can we better make others happy than by being 
 cheerful and happy ourselves ? The happy are those who 
 bestow happiness. It is said that a certain commander-in- 
 chief invariably inquired whether he was a happy man when 
 anew general was proposed to him. Is she happy? />., 
 is she open-hearted, unsophisticated, good-tempered is she 
 sympathetic, humble-minded, grateful is she self-forgetful ? 
 What can women do ? Say rather what can they be ? 
 
44 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN* 
 
 " Birds by being glad their Maker bless, 
 
 By simply shining sun and star ; 
 And we, whose law is love, serve less 
 By what we do than what we are." 
 
 If woman's mission in life is to please, she ought to be 
 unlike the wife of the artist Durer, whose father once asked 
 her quite gravely to laugh, so that he might see his daughter 
 lively for once were it only in appearance. Rather let her 
 try to resemble little Miss Laugh, and to be as different as 
 possible from little Miss Fret. 
 
 " Cries little Miss Fret, 
 
 In a very great pet : 
 ' I hate this warm weather ; it's horrid to tan. 
 
 It scorches my nose, 
 
 And it blisters my toes, 
 And wherever I go I must carry a fan.' 
 
 Chirps little Miss Laugh : 
 
 'Why, I couldn't tell half 
 The fun I am having this bright summer day. 
 
 I sing through the hours, 
 
 I cull pretty flowers, 
 And ride like a queen on the sweet-smelling hay.' " 
 
 The following is related of the late Czarina, wife of the 
 Czar of Russia. While visiting the Smolnoje Institute for 
 Girls, some years ago, the Empress, during the examination 
 of the pupils, suddenly asked, " What is love ? " The young 
 ladies became greatly confused, and were silent. Madame 
 Leontieff, the directress, begged leave to state to Her Majesty 
 that all knowledge of this dangerous subject was prohibited 
 by her, and that, in all probability, the pupils did not even 
 know the meaning of the word. The Czarina frowned. 
 
WOMAN'S WORK TO PLEASE. 45 
 
 " So far from being a dangerous subject, Madame," she said, 
 " love should be the pure mainspring of a woman's life : 
 first, love for her parents ; then, love for her husband ; lastly, 
 love for her children; and love for God always." This love 
 will suggest to a true woman, every day and every hour, some 
 way of lessening the world's misery. She will have always 
 before her eyes two heaps one of human happiness, and 
 one of misery, and her continual effort will be to take even 
 the smallest bit from the second heap and add to the first. 
 She does not neglect little means of giving pleasure because 
 she cannot do great things. She ha^ learned the art of 
 doing little kindnesses in the kindest manner. 
 
 Most women desire to please, but many of them set about 
 making themselves attractive in a wrong way. Dress alone 
 will not do it, and no cosmetic beautifies the face as much 
 as an unselfish temper. " Woman's fineness," says Jeremy 
 Taylor, " is sweetness of manners." It is narrated of the 
 great sculptor Michael Angelo, that when at work he wore 
 over his forehead, fastened to his artist's cap, a lighted 
 candle, in order that no shadow of himself might fall on his 
 work. It was a beautiful habit, and one that taught an 
 eloquent lesson, for the shadows that fall on our work how 
 often they fall from ourselves ! We must forget either our- 
 selves or others, and, as the selfish prefer the latter alternative, 
 if they give pleasure at all it is only by accident. 
 
 Music and other accomplishments are learned as means 01 
 pleasing, but it may be doubted whether anything makes a 
 woman so agreeable as a well-cultivated mind. Without being 
 either a prig or a blue-stocking, she should take an interest 
 
46 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 in the questions of the day, read the best books, and in every 
 way fit herself for giving intellectual pleasure. Women who 
 have not allowed their brains to die for want of use may 
 rather terrify empty-headed men, but they have their reward 
 in knowing that the thoughtful and educated can talk to them 
 as to equals, and are not obliged to talk down to them. Intel- 
 lectual resources enable women to be bright and winsome 
 companions in the home circle when the beauty of youth is 
 faded. 
 
 Charity, which means "giving such things as we have," 
 not only money, food, and clothing, but, what women are 
 especially capable of giving, sympathy, forbearance, patience, 
 and kindness this charity should begin at home, but it 
 should not end there. Women's desire to give pleasure is 
 now suggesting to them all kinds of ingenious plans for bring- 
 ing brightness into the homes of the dim millions. Feeling 
 that it is their mission to add in some degree to the happi- 
 ness of the world, and to diminish its misery, conscientious 
 women are now trying to use the talent of pleasing which 
 God has given, not selfishly, to please those who can repay, 
 but to please those who have nothing, in some cases not 
 even gratitude, to give in return. What a woman should try 
 to form is the habit of pleasing every one without interested 
 motives the servants in her house as well as visitors, the poor 
 as well as the rich. To consider the troubles of those around 
 her, and to try to alleviate them ; to allow servants oppor- 
 tunities for fresh air and exercise, recreation, and self-im- 
 provement ; to minister, as far as she can, to the sick and 
 sorrowful ; to be neighbourly, in the widest sense of the word, 
 
WOMAN'S WORK TO PLEASE. 47 
 
 to those among whom she dwells, yet not to neglect her home 
 or her social relations ; to cultivate her mind and any gifts 
 she may possess all these duties take time and energy ; but 
 when rightly performed they are the glory of womanhood. 
 
 " Do not make yourselves disagreeable in little things." 
 This advice, which was given by the President of a late 
 Church Congress, ought to be taken to heart by woman, for 
 as the corruption of the best becomes the worst, so she who 
 by nature is especially adapted to please may become 
 intensely disagreeable if she pervert her talent. If her dress 
 be untidy ; if there be not scrupulous regard to personal 
 cleanliness; if her manner be brusque or her temper sulky ; 
 if she cannot read aloud distinctly ; if her voice be loud, and 
 she can talk of nothing but spiteful gossip or the delin- 
 quencies of servants ; if she be incapable of sympathizing 
 with the serious pursuits of father, brother, or husband of 
 such a woman it can scarcely be said that she is "blest with 
 that charm, the certainty to please." " Please the eyes and 
 ears, and you will win the heart," but the woman we have 
 been speaking about does neither. 
 
 Beauty and accomplishments, says Chesterfield, ought 
 never to be depreciated, especially by those who have them 
 not, but they cannot give as much pleasure as unselfishness, 
 good temper, patience, and sympathy. A Christian character 
 is an ornament and an accomplishment, without which a 
 woman cannot please for a long time and in the highest 
 sense of the word. Speaking of a governess for his children, 
 George III. said of a certain Mrs. Campbell, whose character 
 was highly recommended, but who was said not to have quite 
 
48 " MA NNERS MAK YTH MAN? 
 
 enough accomplishments: "We can afford to buy accom- 
 plishments, but we cannot purchase principles." The kind 
 greeting, the message of love, the quick glance of sympathy, 
 the courtesies of the fireside, the charity which thinketh no 
 evil, and doth not behave itself unseemly these things make 
 a woman " charming." They are the richest fruit of that piety 
 which, beginning at home, extends its happy influence to 
 all sorts and conditions of men. 
 
 " It was only a glad ' good morning ' 
 
 As she passed along the way, 
 But it spread the morning's glory 
 Over the livelong day." 
 
 In saying that a talent to please is woman's best talent 
 which should be conscientiously cultivated, we do not mean 
 that she should be merely good-natured. We are well aware 
 that to be weakly good-natured is to be good-for-nothing. 
 A woman will fall into serious error or sin if she allow her- 
 self, for the sake of pleasing, to yield indiscriminately to 
 requests without duly considering if it be just to herself and 
 to others to grant them. A sense of the due proportion of 
 things is difficult to acquire, but is most important. The 
 truly kind person must be prepared on occasion to say " No," 
 and to say it decidedly. 
 
 When a girl is called "jolly," and liked by fast men, it is 
 the worst compliment they can pay her. The more haste the 
 less speed, for fastness which wins low popularity will never 
 win a husband worth having. Of course, when we say that 
 it is woman's work to please, we do not mean that she should 
 be indifferent as to the means, or use any but the highest. 
 
WOMAN'S WORK TO PLEASE. 49 
 
 The question is not one of popularity, which is to a great 
 extent an accidental thing some women being popular who 
 fully deserve to be, and others because of qualities which 
 they ought to blush to possess. The American poet, Whittier, 
 expresses in beautiful verse what we have been trying to say 
 in unadorned prose when he describes the true wife. 
 
 " Flowers spring to blossom where she walks 
 
 The careful ways of duty ; 
 Our hard, stiff lines of life with her 
 Are flowing curves of beauty. 
 
 Our homes are cheerier for her sake, 
 
 Our door-yards brighter blooming, 
 And all about the social air 
 
 Is sweeter for her coming. 
 
 Unspoken homilies of peace 
 
 Her daily life is preaching ; 
 The still refreshment of the dew 
 
 Is her unconscious teaching. 
 
 And never tenderer hand than hers 
 
 Unknits the brow of ailing : 
 Her garments to the sick man's ear 
 
 Have music in their trailing. 
 
 Her presence lends a warmth and health 
 
 To all who come before it. 
 If woman lost us Eden, such 
 
 As she alone restore it." 
 
CHAPTER V. 
 
 MATRIMONIAL MANNERS. 
 
 "Love, like the flower that courts the sun's kind ray, 
 Will flourish only in the smiles of day ; 
 Distrust's cold air the generous plant annoys, 
 And one chill blight of dire contempt destroys. 
 Oh shun, my friends, avoid that dangerous coast, 
 Where peace expires, and fair affection's lost, 
 By wit, by grief, by anger urged, forbear 
 The speech contemptuous and the scornful a.\r"rPerey. 
 
 " There is one article absolutely necessary to be ever beloved, one 
 must be ever agreeable." Lady Mary Wortley Montagu. 
 
 |T is a mistake to suppose that the forms of 
 courtesy can be safely dispensed with in the 
 family circle. With the disappearance of the 
 forms the reality will too often disappear. On 
 the other hand, as outward actions, and even 
 the changes of countenance and expression of the features 
 have a tendency to call forth corresponding emotions, atten- 
 
MATRIMONIAL MANNERS. 
 
 tion to the forms of civility will very often be successful in 
 producing the reality. If you force yourself to smile and 
 look cheerful, bright thoughts are sure to come into your 
 mind, though you may have been, before the experiment, 
 considerably out of humour. The next time you happen to 
 be cross, and the members of your family seem natural 
 enemies instead of natural friends, try this remedy. Smile 
 and say something pretty, even though you may shrink from 
 the effort as you would from a dentist's chair. You will have 
 your reward, for almost immediately a bright streak of 
 happiness will break through the clouds of your mind. 
 
 "Politeness," said Joubert, "is one development of 
 virtue;" and in reply to those- who would contend that it is 
 necessary for society only, not for home, he remarked that 
 we should wear our velvet indoors that is, give those nearest 
 to us the chief benefit of gentleness. How many put on 
 their velvet to go out into the world, and consider that any- 
 thing will do to wear at home ! Politeness is their court 
 dress which they change for a dressing-gown when they 
 return home. 
 
 Even from the literal meaning of the word we might infer 
 that politeness, like charity, should begin at home. A polite 
 person means, in the first instance, one who displays the 
 virtues of a good citizen ; but as nations are gathered out of 
 families, the home must be regarded as the most influential 
 school of civilization. From that source issue the principles 
 and maxims that govern society. 
 
 A really good manner is like our skin, put on from within, 
 and never taken off while we are alive. Nature's gentlemen 
 
52 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 and ladies are always gentlemen and ladies ; but there are 
 artificial gentlemen and ladies who put aside their good 
 manners with their good clothes in the privacy of their 
 homes. They have company manners for abroad ; but home 
 is to them not only Liberty Hall, but a hall of licence, where 
 they allow their natures full play. 
 
 There are cowardly creatures, whose attitude in the 
 presence of superiors has been well described as one of 
 " respectful uneasiness." This sort of people stretch their 
 manners to such an unnatural degree in society that they are 
 pretty sure to go to the opposite extreme when relaxing at 
 home. Feeling released from something that was hanging 
 over them, they run wild, and become rude in consequence 
 of their late restraint. 
 
 A certain Diogenic philosopher once made the following 
 amiable confession : " Relations I detest ; connections I 
 hate ; friends I dislike ; acquaintances I tolerate ; but the 
 only people I really like are the people I don't know." It 
 is to be hoped that few people adopt such a sliding scale 01 
 abhorrence, and yet it points to the real danger of familiarity 
 breeding if not contempt, at least a certain amount of dis- 
 regard for the feelings of those with whom we are very 
 intimate. 
 
 Unless married people are so very sympathetic that they 
 grow together "like to a double cherry, seeming parted," 
 the never-ceasing round of intercourse between them may 
 become so exigeant as to cause abrupt, unpolite behaviour. 
 At breakfast, at luncheon, at dinner, more or less in the 
 evening, at night, in the morning all " marriage." There 
 
MATRIMONIAL MANNERS. 53 
 
 is generally greater harmony when a husband's duties 
 necessitate his remaining several hours of the day from home. 
 " For this relief much thanks ! " will be the not unnatural 
 sentiment of a grateful wife. And to the husband, on his 
 return, home will appear far sweeter than if he had idled 
 about the house all day with nothing to do but torment his 
 wife. 
 
 Richter says that distance injures love less than nearness. 
 People are more polite when they do not see too much of 
 each other. Let the husband then have a " den " or 
 " growlery " to which he may retire when conscious that the 
 animal should be marked "dangerous,'' and the wife a 
 boudoir where she may be alone when inclined " to pout or 
 be sulky " ; which is the suggestive explanation given by my 
 dictionary of the French term bonder, from which comes our 
 word boudoir or sulking-room an apartment not less 
 necessary surely than a smoking or billiard-room. Such 
 expedients alleviate the "very much married" feeling to 
 which reference has been made. When they meet in a com- 
 mon room the effect will be apparent, for husband and wife 
 will be far more polite because more interesting to each other. 
 
 It does not " pay " to be indifferent to the feelings of any 
 one, but least of all to those of a life-partner. When people 
 are tied for life, it is their mutual interest not to grow weary 
 of one another, and the best possible safeguards they can 
 adopt are kindness and civility. How the whole day is 
 rendered dismal and disagreeable when there has been " a 
 storm " in the breakfast " tea-cup " between husband and 
 wife ! As far as happiness goes, each must confess in the 
 
54 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN? 
 
 evening, " I have lost a day." They sat opposite to each 
 other at lunch and dinner, reserved and silent. Like 
 sensitive plants, they were afraid of being touched. The 
 domestic atmosphere was darkened. The children did not 
 enjoy their play, and stopped occasionally to see what was 
 the matter. Nor did anything escape the notice of the 
 servants, who have a fine tale to tell about the "awful temper 
 of master and missis." 
 
 It has been remarked that there are six " ifs," by any of 
 which a stranger may know a man and woman to be husband 
 and wife. These rules, it is said, are infallible in just inter- 
 pretation. They may be resorted to with confidence, as they 
 are deduced from every-day experience. 
 
 1. If you see a gentleman and a lady disagree upon trifling 
 occasions, or correcting each other in company, you may be 
 assured they have tied the matrimonial noose. 
 
 2. If you see a silent pair in a hackney or any other coach, 
 lolling carelessly one at each window, without seeming to 
 know they have a companion, the sign is infallible. 
 
 3. If you see a lady drop her glove, and a gentleman by 
 the side of her kindly telling her to pick it up, you need not 
 hesitate in forming your opinion ; or, 
 
 4. If you see a lady presenting a gentleman with anything 
 carelessly, her head inclined another way, and speaking to 
 him with indifference ; or, 
 
 5. If you meet a couple in the fields, the gentleman twenty 
 yards in advance of the lady, who perhaps is getting over a 
 stile with difficulty, or picking her way through a muddy 
 path; or, 
 
MATRIMONIAL MANNERS. 55 
 
 6. If you see a gentleman particularly courteous, obliging, 
 and good-natured, relaxing into smiles, saying smart things 
 to every pretty woman in the room, excepting one, to whom 
 he appears particularly reserved, cold, and formal, and is 
 unreasonably cross who that one is, nobody can be at a 
 loss to discover. 
 
 If we would be happy in married life, we must reverse 
 such notes of " barbarous dissonance." 
 
 When an exhortation is given after the wedding ceremony, 
 it would be well if the clergyman were sometimes to take for 
 his text, *' Be courteous." If he be an observing man he 
 will know that more coldness and estrangements, if not 
 absolute quarrels and separations, grow out of a disregard of 
 the common rules of courtesy in married life, than from 
 almost any other cause. The wife gets up and goes off to 
 give a direction to her servants while her husband is in the 
 middle of a sentence ; if he were any other gentleman she 
 would at least say, " Excuse me for a moment." The wife 
 comes into the room, and the husband sits still in his chair ; 
 if any other lady enters he rises and offers her one. If a 
 guest is coming to the house, the lady of the house is dressed 
 and at the door ready to receive him ; if it is only her 
 husband, she has no welcome. If a lady is at table as a 
 guest, the gentleman brings some topic of social conversation 
 to entertain her ; if the wife is the only lady, he sits silent, 
 or may even take a letter or a newspaper out of his pocket 
 and read it to himself. 
 
 How many divorces would be avoided if the advice of 
 Governor Trumbull were taken, who, when a friend applied 
 
56 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 to him for advice about a divorce, asked, " How did you 
 treat your wife when you were courting her?" "Why, I 
 treated her as well as I could, for I loved her dearly." 
 " Well," said the governor, " go home and court her as 
 you did then for a year, and come and tell me the result." 
 At the year's end it was, " My wife and I are as happy 
 as when we first married, and I mean to court her all the 
 days of my life." 
 
 Men are cautioned by the Jewish Talmud to be careful 
 lest they cause women to weep, for " God counts their 
 tears." Of course women may use their tears in an im- 
 proper, cowardly manner to induce men to walk aside from 
 'the path of duty ; and there are those who have recourse 
 to melting moods to gain a mastery over good-natured, 
 weak-minded husbands. They have waterworks in their 
 heads, and can turn the tap on when they like. But we 
 have not been referring to selfish sighs, and made-to-order 
 woe of this kind, which need not, and ought not to be 
 regarded. If these crocodile-tears are counted by God, we 
 may be sure that they count against the woman who can so 
 far abuse her " irresistible might of weakness." 
 
 Husbands who are gentlemen in feeling will recognize 
 the necessity of obeying some such maxims as the following, 
 which also, by implication, suggest a code of manners for 
 the wife who desires to be a lady in her home as well as 
 abroad. Do not jest with your wife upon a subject in which 
 there is danger of wounding her feelings. Do not speak of 
 great virtues in another man's wife to remind your own of 
 a fault. Do not treat your wife with inattention in company, 
 
MATRIMONIAL MANNERS. 57 
 
 or upbraid her in the presence of a third party. Do not 
 entertain your wife by praising the beauty and accomplish- 
 ments of other women. If you would have a pleasant home 
 and a cheerful wife, pass your evenings under your own 
 roof. Do not be stern and silent in your own house, and 
 remarkable for sociability elsewhere. 
 
 He is the wisest head of a house who rules without being 
 felt to rule. He must not be weak, for that means misery 
 to all concerned, but his firmness should work by love, and 
 be only used for good purposes. And this sort of govern- 
 ment, by persuasion rather than by force, is not only most 
 constitutional, but the best policy. In reference to the 
 management of women, one of Shakespeare's heroines 
 suggests the easiest and most successful method. 
 
 " You may ride us 
 
 With one soft kiss a thousand furlongs, ere 
 With spur we heat an acre." 
 
 A woman, it has been said, is like tar only melt her, 
 and she will take any form you please. We know, of course, 
 that there never was a wife of a waspish disposition ; but 
 if ever such a phenomenon should appear, let her husband 
 remember that " more wasps are caught by honey than by 
 vinegar." 
 
 A husband said to his wife, " Now, wife, you know I am 
 at the head of the house." "Well," said she, "you can be 
 at the head if you wish ; I am the neck." " Yes," he said, 
 v " you shall be the neck." " But, don't you know," said she, 
 " the neck turns the head ? " It is amusing to hear some 
 men boast of their government at home. One of this class 
 
58 " MA NNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 in the absence of his wife invited some gentlemen friends to 
 spend an evening with him. The conversation turned on 
 the marriage relation, when the host boasted, " I am master 
 in my house. I do not believe in woman's ruling I do as 
 I please, and I make my wife submit to my rule I am a 
 regular Julius Caesar in my house." Just then the wife 
 came in, and said, " Gentlemen, you had better go home, 
 and Julius Caesar will just walk right upstairs along with 
 me." Was not this man right to submit to his wife's rule 
 when she was ordering what was really best for him ? 
 
 A bankrupt merchant returned home one night and said 
 to his wife, " My dear, I am ruined ; everything we have is 
 in the hands of the sheriff." After a few moments of silence, 
 his noble wife, looking him calmly in the face, said, " Will 
 the sheriff sell you?" "No." "Will he sell me?" 
 "No." " Then don't say we have lost everything. All that 
 is most profitable to us, manhood, womanhood, remains; 
 we have but lost the result of our skill and industry ; we 
 may make another fortune if our hearts and hands are left 
 to us." If men and women would take as much pains to 
 hold each other as they do to catch each other, there would 
 be fewer unhappy marriages. 
 
 '* And if the husband or the wife 
 
 In home's strong light discovers 
 Such slight defaults as failed to meet 
 The blinded eyes of lovers, 
 
 Why need we care to ask ? who dreams 
 
 Without their thorns of roses, 
 Or wonders that the truest steel 
 
 The readiest spark discloses ? 
 
MATRIMONIAL MANAERS. 59 
 
 For still in mutual sufferance lies 
 
 The secret of true living : 
 Love scarce is love that never knows 
 
 The sweetness of forgiving. " 
 
 " I have heard," says Matthew Henry, " of a married 
 couple who, though they were both of a hasty temper, yet 
 lived comfortably together, by simply observing a rule on 
 which they had mutually agreed never to be both angry 
 with each other." And he adds that an ingenious and 
 pious father was in the habit of giving this advice to his 
 children when they married : 
 
 " Doth one speak fire, t'other with water come ; 
 Is one provoked, be t'other soft and dumb." 
 
 The wife of a politician, who has an eye for the main 
 chance, keeps a scrapbook of all the uncomplimentary 
 things printed about her husband, which she is to index 
 for ready reference in seasons of domestic unpleasantness. 
 This lady deserves domestic happiness about as much as 
 another of whom her husband said, "I should have no 
 objection to my wife's having the last word if I could only 
 be assured that it would be the last." 
 
 When one of the married pair is angry the other is 
 cautioned by Jeremy Taylor "to subtract fuel from the 
 sudden flame ; for stubble, though it be quickly kindled, 
 yet it is as soon extinguished, if it be not blown by a per- 
 tinacious breath, or fed with new materials. Let them be 
 sure to abstain from all those things which by experience 
 and observation they find to be contrary to each other. 
 They that govern elephants never appear before them in 
 
60 MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 white, and the masters of bulls keep from them all garments 
 of blood and scarlet, as knowing that they will be impatient 
 of civil usages and discipline when their natures are pro- 
 voked by their proper antipathies. The ancients in their 
 marital hieroglyphics used to depict Mercury standing by 
 Venus, to signify, that by fair language and sweet entreaties, 
 the minds of each other should be united : and hard by 
 them they would have all deliciousness of manners, com- 
 pliance, and mutual observance to abide." 
 
 If any more of the author's remarks on " Politeness at 
 Home " are wanted (which is not likely to be the case), 
 they will be found in the chapter of " How to be Happy 
 though Married," which treats of that subject. 
 
CHAPTER VI. 
 
 A HUSBAND-AND-WIFE MUTUAL IMPROVEMENT SOCIETY. 
 
 " But am I not the nobler through thy love ? 
 Oh, three times less unworthy ! likewise thou 
 Art more through Love, and greater." Tennyson* 
 
 I HE fact that a husband and wife have chosen 
 each other implies that they have established 
 a Mutual Admiration Society; but ought 
 they not also to form a Mutual Improvement 
 Society? Certainly no example is more 
 powerful than that of him or her whose bundle of life is 
 bound with our own. How husbands and wives can help 
 or hinder each other in their warfare against evil ! 
 
 Margaret Charlton, who afterwards became the wife of 
 Baxter, attended his preaching at first only to please her 
 mother, but was soon attracted by his simplicity, earnestness, 
 and eloquence. The pastoral care of Baxter produced an 
 effect in Margaret of which she at first had no idea, and he 
 
62 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 no thought. "Respect for his character, reverence for 
 him as her spiritual teacher, admiration of his abilities, and 
 not least, gratitude for his thoughtful and tender ministries 
 to her in trouble, produced a feeling of another kind. A 
 personal love was kindled in her breast. At first it lay hid 
 within her heart ; but it gradually gained possession of her, 
 so that her health suffered severely. Baxter, unlike most 
 men in similar circumstances, had seen nothing to awaken 
 his suspicions. He was taken entirely by surprise, therefore, 
 when one day a lady friend of Margaret's sought an interview 
 with him and made known the secret. 
 
 " Baxter was more than double Margaret's age, and he 
 had both spoken and written strongly in recommendation of 
 single life for the ministers of the Gospel in that age of 
 frequent persecution. What would his brethren say ? What 
 would the world say ? His answer was, ' That since he had 
 passed his youth in celibacy, it would be reputed madness 
 in him to marry a young woman.' 
 
 " He little thought that Margaret was at the door listening 
 for his reply. She could not take a denial, so, entering the 
 room, she made her own appeal. 'Dear Mr. Baxter, I 
 protest with a sincere and real heart, I do not make a tender 
 of myself to you upon any worldly account, but to have a 
 more frequent converse with so holy and prudent a yoke- 
 fellow, to assist me in my way to heaven, and to keep me 
 steadfast in my perseverance, which I design for God's 
 glory and my own soul's good.' " 
 
 What could he say after that ? The appeal was irresistible. 
 He did the only thing he could do, and it turned out the 
 
A MUTUAL IMPROVEMENT SOCIETY. 63 
 
 best thing he surrendered. If husbands would give honour 
 unto their wives, many might say as Steele said of Lady 
 Elizabeth Hastings, that " to have loved her was a liberal 
 education." 
 
 In the correspondence of Edward Irving, who was almost 
 the greatest genius of the Scottish Church, there is a touching 
 and elevating letter to his wife, which young married people 
 might read together with profit by the quiet fireside of their 
 dear first home : 
 
 " Oh, Isabella, I have a strong persuasion of the power of 
 a holy will and conversation, in which, if we continue, we 
 shall save not only our own souls, but the souls of them that 
 hear us. My dearest, we must soon go to our rest, and our 
 sweet infant also; and perhaps the Lord may not see us worthy 
 to leave any seed on the earth. His will be done. Now 
 rest in peace, my other part, and thou, sweet link of being 
 betwixt us. Every twelfth day of the month, my loving and 
 beloved wife, let it be your first thought and your last 
 thought, that your babe is mortal, and that the father of 
 your babe is mortal, and that you yourself are mortal. Do 
 this that you may swallow up our mortality in the glorious 
 faith of our immortality in the heavens." 
 
 If a generous- hearted husband has to speak to his wife 
 about her faults, he does it tenderly, humbly, unwillingly, 
 sadly, yet with sufficient plainness not to have to do it twice 
 over. In paining her he wounds his own flesh. The pain 
 is necessary, but the hand of love so inflicts it that it quickly 
 heals. 
 
 And here we may drop the hint that a Christian husband 
 
64 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 or wife influences not so much by direct exhortation, as by 
 consistent example. When Lord Peterborough had lodged 
 for some time with Fenelon, referring to his example, he 
 said at parting, "I shall become a Christian in spite of 
 myself." In the same way, when one of a married pair is 
 a sincere Christian, the other may not be able to escape 
 becoming the same. 
 
 It is breathing a healthy atmosphere that chiefly promotes 
 health, rather than constantly doing small things supposed 
 to be healthful. So the gentle, self-controlled life, full of 
 unconscious goodness, not too much up in the clouds to be 
 ignorant of its own shortcomings, nor too proud frankly to 
 acknowledge them, brings the force of Christian character 
 to bear with a continuous and irresistible influence on the 
 two wedded souls. Not long ago I heard a woman say of 
 her husband, whose habit of fault-finding continually pro- 
 voked her anger, that he was like the flaming sword which 
 prevented Adam and Eve from entering Paradise. How 
 sad it is when a husband and wife, instead of helping each 
 other, become stumbling-blocks, and forget that they are in 
 great part responsible for each other's soul ! St. Peter tells 
 husbands to dwell with their wives " as being heirs together 
 of the grace of life ; that your prayers be not hindered.' 
 Let married people pray that they may continue to love 
 each other, and let them love that they may be able to pray 
 for each other. 
 
 After Philip Henry who came to Worthenbury a stranger 
 had been in the country for some time, his attachment to 
 Miss Matthews, afterwards his wife, became known to her 
 
A MUTUAL IMPROVEMENT SOCIETY. 65 
 
 friends. Among the other objections they urged to the 
 connection was this that although Mr. Henry was a gentle- 
 man, and a scholar, and an excellent preacher, he was quite a 
 stranger, and they did not even know where he came from. 
 " True," replied Miss Matthews, " but I know where he is 
 going, and I should like to go with him." The husband and 
 wife who truly love will scarcely be able to rest until they 
 know each other to be on the road that leads to heaven. 
 How often married people must see in each other, not 
 without anxiety and a personal responsibility, some fault 
 hardening, some good habit growing weaker. What better 
 way than to speak of it in prayer to God ? He will make for 
 us an opportunity, and find the word for us to say in season, 
 and with discretion. It is every one's duty to do all he can 
 to prevent and diminish sin in his neighbour. If a good 
 man studies to do this greatest kindness even for a stranger, 
 surely a good husband and wife will earnestly strive to do it 
 for each other. This is what might be expected, but in 
 practice it is seldom done, for too many married people live 
 in a circle of ideas most of which are " pagan, I regret to 
 say." They do not realize the importance of true religion in 
 making married life happy. If any one doubt that it is a 
 matter of such importance, let him reflect upon the following 
 testimony of Bishop Burnet : " By living according to the 
 rules of religion a man becomes the wisest, the best, and 
 the happiest creature that he is capable of being. Honesty, 
 industry, the employing of time well, a constant sobriety, an 
 undefiled purity, with continued serenity, are the best pre- 
 servatives, too, of life and health ; so that, take a man as an 
 
 5 
 
66 MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 individual, religion is his guard, his perfection, his beauty, 
 and his glory. This will make him a light in the world, 
 shining brightly and enlightening many round about him." 
 i It is impossible to exaggerate the influence for good 
 which a wife may exercise upon her husband's character. 
 
 "There is no man so full of pride, 
 * And none so intimate with shame ; 
 And none to manhood so denied, 
 As not to mend if women blame." 
 
 But the poet also mournfully adds 
 
 " Ah ! wasteful woman, 
 
 How she has cheapen'd Paradise ; 
 How given for naught her priceless gift ; 
 
 How spoil'd the bread and spill'd the wine, 
 Which, spent with due, respective thrift, 
 
 Had made brutes men, and men divine.'* 
 
 Men cannot be chivalrous and self-denying if^ women do 
 not give them opportunities. They should give them every 
 chance to cultivate these noble qualities. Instead of this, 
 some fondly foolish wives encourage their husbands in 
 rudeness and selfishness by not demanding, and even 
 insisting, upon that attention, consideration, and help 
 which every woman, much more a wife, may claim from a 
 man. Sometimes it is a woman's " highest pleasure " to 
 bear all her husband's burdens. To secure this highest 
 pleasure, she makes the husband whom God has given her 
 weak, inefficient, and childishly selfish. True conjugal 
 happiness is found, not in taking burdens from one to 
 cumber the other, but in united efforts efforts which are 
 the best possible discipline of character. 
 
A MUTUAL IMPROVEMENT SOCIETY. 67 
 
 It is to be feared that the moral good of their husbands 
 occupies very little of the attention of some wives. And 
 yet there is no more enviable gift than the energy to sway 
 others to good ; to diffuse around us an atmosphere of 
 cheerfulness, piety, truthfulness, generosity, magnanimity. 
 It is not a matter of great talent ; nor entirely a matter of 
 great energy ; but rather of earnestness and honesty, and of 
 that quiet, constant energy which is like soft rain gently 
 penetrating the soil. It is rather a grace than a gift ; and 
 we know where all grace is to be had freely for the asking. 
 
 Sir James Mackintosh was blessed with a wife who had 
 this grace. He says, that by the tender management of his 
 weaknesses, she gradually corrected the most pernicious of 
 them. " She gently reclaimed me from dissipation ; she 
 propped my weak and irresolute nature; she urged my 
 indolence to all the exertions that have been useful or 
 creditable to me; and she was perpetually at hand to 
 admonish my heedlessness and improvidence." 
 
 In a letter which Carlyle wrote to his " Goody," as he 
 called his wife, when absent in London on business, and 
 suffering under the discomfort of " insect-infected lodgings," 
 he appeals to her thus : " But oh, my dear Jeannie, do 
 help me to be a little softer, to be a little merciful to all 
 men, even gigmen. Why should a man, though bilious, 
 never so * nervous,' impoverished, bug-bitten, and bedevilled, 
 let Satan have dominion over him ? Save me, save me, my 
 Goody ! It is on this side that I am threatened ; neverthe- 
 less we will prevail, I tell thee ; by God's grace we will and 
 shall." 
 
68 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 The sweet and modest influence for good which a wife 
 should seek to gain over her husband will never be reached 
 by sharp, bitter words, or by fits of sullen pride, or by the 
 assumption of masterful airs, or by dictatorial lecturing. 
 Nothing is more distasteful and abhorrent to men than any 
 of these things in woman ; nothing so quickly as any of 
 these things will snatch all power out of her hands. It will 
 be won by gracious looks, by tender little acts of love, by 
 soft persuasive words, by gentle, hardly perceptible leading. 
 It is often the case that women have deeper and softer 
 religious convictions than men, and it is a glorious task for 
 a Christian wife to make the life of her husband more 
 spiritual, more rich in noble deeds of love, more near to 
 God in his daily life, than it was before she entered his 
 house. Her husband should be indebted to her for 
 
 " Those sweet counsels between head and heart, 
 Whence genuine knowledge grew." 
 
 He should be able to acknowledge her service to him in 
 the following lines : 
 
 " She gave me eyes, she gave me ears ; 
 And humble cares, and delicate fears ; 
 A heart, the fountain of sweet tears ; 
 And love, and thought, and joy." 
 
 But the influences of marriage go beyond earth, and the 
 wife that best deserves the name of an angel is she who 
 
 " Tries each art, reproves each dull delay, 
 Allures to brighter worlds, and leads the way." 
 
 When business goes wrong, or a profession disappoints, 
 
A MUTUAL IMPROVEMENT SOCIETY. 69 
 
 or other losses and crosses happen, there are men who 
 would give up the battle altogether and become utterly 
 reckless, were it not for the wife's influence. 
 
 '* Oh ! what were Man in dark misfortune's hour 
 Without her cherishing aid ? a nerveless thing, 
 
 Sinking ignobly 'neath the passing power 
 Of every blast of Fortune. She can bring 
 
 'A balm for every wound.' As when the shower 
 More heavily falls, the bird of eve will sing 
 
 In richer notes ; sweeter is woman's voice 
 
 When through the storm it bids the soul rejoice." 
 
 In his " Crown of Wild Olive," Mr. Ruskin thus speaks 
 to wives, mothers, and maidens : " Believe me, the whole 
 course and character of your lovers' lives may be in your 
 hands ; what you would have them be, they shall be, if you 
 not only desire to have them so, but deserve to have them 
 so ; for they are often mirrors in which you will see your- 
 selves imaged. If you are frivolous, they will be so also ; 
 if you have no understanding of the scope of their duty, 
 they also will forget it ; they will listen to the interpretation 
 of it as uttered from your lips, such and so absolute is 
 your rule over them. You fancy, perhaps, as you have been 
 told so often, that a wife's rule should only be over her 
 husband's house, not over his mind. Ah, no ! the true rule 
 is just the reverse of that : a true wife, in her husband's 
 house, is his servant ; it is in his heart that she is queen. 
 Whatever of best he can conceive, it is her part to be; 
 whatever of highest he can hope, it is hers to promise ; all 
 that is dark in hirr she must purge into purity ; all that is 
 failing in him she must strengthen into truth; from her, 
 
70 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 through the world's clamour, he must win his praise ; in 
 her, through all the world's warfare, he must find his peace." 
 For the sake of each other, husband and wife should try 
 to acquire the inestimable art of making duty seem pleasant, 
 and even disappointment not so blank and crushing. They 
 should be to each other like a bracing, crisp, frosty atmo- 
 sphere, without a suspicion of the element that chills and 
 pinches. 
 
CHAPTER VII. 
 
 "MIND WHOM YOU MARRY!" 
 
 " How, my girls ! Is your heart so little worth that you cut it, like 
 old clothes, after any fashion, to fit any breast ; and does it wax or 
 shrink, then, like a Chinese ball, to fit itself into the ball-mould and 
 marriage-ring case of any male heart whatever ? ' Well, it must ; unless 
 we would sit at home, and grow Old Maids,' answer they ; whom I will 
 not answer, but turn scornfully away from them, to address that same 
 Old Maid in these words : ' Forsaken, but patient one ; misknown and 
 mistreated ! Think not of the times when thou hadst hope of better 
 than the present are, and repent the noble pride of thy heart never ! It 
 is not always our duty to marry, but it always is our duty to abide by 
 right, not to purchase happiness by loss of honour, not to avoid uriwed- 
 dedness by untruthfulness.'" Richter. 
 
 " A great many difficulties arise from falling in love with the wrong 
 person." Rttskin. 
 
 IHOSE who desire to have their manners and 
 morals improved rather than injured by the 
 the most serious and important undertaking 
 in life must obey the old precept "Mind 
 whom you marry." 
 It is useless to expect young people to choose their life- 
 
72 MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 partners according to rule and reason. " Tell me where is 
 Fancy bred ? " asked Shakespeare in the sweet little song 
 
 " Tell me where is Fancy bred, 
 Or in the heart, or in the head ? 
 How begot, how nourished? 
 
 Reply, reply. 
 
 It is engender'd in the eyes, 
 With gazing fed ; and Fancy dies 
 In the cradle where it lies ; 
 Let us all ring Fancy's knell ; 
 I'll begin it, Ding, dong, bell." 
 
 This fancy or love between two young people may be 
 bred from the merest trifles from a sympathetic word or 
 look, from a song, from a lonely walk, from mere propin- 
 quity, and as often as not from a hint from a match-maker 
 
 " For man is fire, and woman is tow, 
 And the Somebody comes, and begins to blow." 
 
 And then friends nod their heads and say, very wisely or 
 very foolishly, as the case may be, " Alas ! alas ! I see thou 
 art in love." 
 
 All this is true ; nevertheless, there are a few general hints 
 which may be suggested to those who have not quite lost 
 their heads in love. First of all it is unwise to choose for 
 beauty alone. " It is," says Jeremy Taylor, " an ill bond of 
 affections to tie two hearts together by a little thread of red 
 and white. And they can live no longer but until the next 
 ague comes, and they are fond of each other, but at the 
 change of fancy, or the small-pox, or child-bearing, or care, 
 or time, or anything that can destroy a pretty flower." After 
 
"MIND WHOM YOU MARRY.'" 73 
 
 the first year, married people rarely think of each other's 
 features, and whether they be classically beautiful or other- 
 wise. But they never fail to be cognisant of each other's 
 temper. " When I see a man," says Addison, " with a sour, 
 rivelled face, I cannot forbear pitying his wife ; and when I 
 meet with an open, ingenuous countenance, I think of the 
 
 . happiness of his friends, his family, and his relations." 
 
 Do not marry a wife "too costly to wear every day," and 
 beware of girls who are much talked of, for notoriety may 
 make them conceited, extravagant, and fond of staying away 
 from home. Neither ought you to be ambitious of possess- 
 ing what Charles Lamb called a furniture wife. " Men 
 marry for fortune, and sometimes to please their fancy ; but 
 much oftener than is suspected, they consider what the world 
 will say of it ; how such a woman in their friends' eyes will 
 look at the head of a table. Hence we see so many insipid 
 beauties made wives of, that could not have struck the par- 
 ticular fancy of any man that had any fancy at all ; as many 
 buy furniture, and pictures, because they suit this or that 
 
 v niche in their dining parlours. These I cs&\ furniture wives. 
 Your universally cried-up beauties are the very last choice 
 which a man of taste would make. What pleases all cannot 
 have that individual charm which makes this or that coun- 
 tenance engaging to you, and to you only perhaps you know 
 not why." It is well there are differences of opinion as to 
 suitability and compatibility. A man once said, " Now if 
 everybody had been of my opinion, they would all have 
 wanted my old woman ; " another said, " If everybody had 
 " been of my opinion, nobody would have had her." 
 
74 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 Good health is too important a matter to be overlooked in 
 choosing a partner for life. Health is next to piety in the 
 scale of blessings. It is more than fortune. Fortunes have 
 been wasted in vain to supply it. Do not seek to have a 
 continuous doctor's bill rolled up in your marriage settlement 
 
 Some diseases are hereditary. Deliberately to marry where 
 such diseases are known to exist, is worse than folly. It 
 is to help to spread an evil among mankind, to transmit a 
 calamity and a scourge to future generations. Many children 
 have been a plague to themselves and a burden to their 
 parents and society during the whole course of their lives 
 in consequence of this imprudence. 
 
 Domestic habits belong to the class of essentials. Some 
 women seem happiest when they are gadding about from 
 house to house, and jaunting from one locality to another. 
 Forest rangers are very well in their way, but do not marry a 
 ranger, as you would avoid perpetual motion. It is but little 
 in domestic management and supervision that can be done 
 by proxy j and when the wife is frequently abroad, things are 
 sure to go wrong at home. A wife can have very little regard 
 for her husband's purse who trusts servants with the exclu- 
 sive management of all her household affairs. Recreation 
 after work and to assist work is most useful and even 
 necessary, but that husband is miserable indeed whose wife 
 lives a life of mere pleasure. 
 
 Extravagance is as injurious as excessive visiting. Under 
 its baneful influence the amplest fortune must disappear, as 
 snow melts under the influence of the sun. You may not 
 always be able to lay your hand on the particular extravagance 
 
"MIND WHOM YOU MARRY /" 75 
 
 by which your property is being wasted, but you will feel that 
 it is not the less really diminishing, because the particular 
 form of its decrease is almost imperceptible. 
 
 It does not always pay to marry a rich wife. The girl who 
 brings to her husband a large dowry may also bring habits 
 of luxury learned in a rich home. " When men and women 
 change their liberty for a rich fortune they show themselves 
 to be less than money by overvaluing that to all the content 
 and wise felicity of their lives ; and when they have counted 
 the money and their sorrows together, how willingly would 
 they buy, with the loss of all that money, modesty or sweet 
 nature; the odd thousand pounds would gladly be allowed 
 in good-nature and fair manners.'* 
 
 Dress is one of the little things that indicate character. 
 
 The selection of clothes and the manner of putting them 
 on are no bad foundations for a judgment. All women are 
 good either for something or for nothing and their dress 
 will generally tell you which. A refined woman does not 
 bedizen and bedeck herself with a view to display. When 
 speaking to her, one does not think of her dress. It is so 
 much a part of herself that it makes no distinct impression. 
 Being in harmony with her whole appearance, it does not 
 attract notice. 
 
 Refinement in dress is generally associated with refinement 
 in manners. The innate sensitive feeling which rejects the 
 unbecoming in the one will be quick to avoid it in the other. 
 It will regulate dress and carriage, spirit and speech. 
 
 It was the opinion of Pope that " most women have no 
 characters at all ; " and again he says 
 
76 " MANNERS MAKY TH MAN." 
 
 " Ladies, like variegated tulips, show : 
 'Tis to their changes half their charms we owe, 
 Fine by defect and delicately weak." 
 
 We believe this sentiment to be utterly false. A weak and 
 foolish woman is miserable herself, and the cause of misery 
 to every one connected with her. 
 
 Some men do not marry because they expect too much in 
 a wife. " Why don't you marry ? " l( Well, you see, I am 
 
 , very particular who my intended should be " " Explain 
 
 yourself." " My wife must be rich, handsome, and stupid." 
 " Why all that ? " " Very simpla She must be rich and 
 handsome, otherwise I would not have her ; and she must 
 \be stupid, otherwise she would not have me." 
 
 A man who will marry nothing less than perfection must 
 necessarily remain unmarried. He is "a sour grape hanging 
 by the twig of obstinacy on a wall of great expectations ; " 
 and the only thing to be said in his favour is, that he has 
 not availed himself of the opportunity of making a woman 
 miserable. But what can we say or think of the folly and 
 foolhardiness of him who, so far from seeking perfection in 
 the woman he marries, altogether ignores the assurance of 
 the son of Sirach, that "there is no wickedness like the 
 wickedness of a woman " ? On the other hand 
 
 " How blest is he whose arms enfold 
 
 A consort virtuous as fair, 
 Her price is far above the gold 
 
 That worldly spirits love to share J 
 On her, as on a beauteous isle 
 
 Amid life's dark and stormy sea 
 In all his trouble, all his toil, 
 
 He rests with deep security." 
 
"MIND WHOM YOU MARRY!" 77 
 
 " Is it possible, young lady, that you do not know the 
 names of your best friends ? " " Possible ? Why, of course it 
 is. I do not even know what my name may be a year or so 
 hence." A girl may not know the name of the man she will 
 marry, but she should make up her mind that whoever he 
 be he must have a good character. We would not insult 
 feminine intellects by suggesting so obvious a truth, as that 
 they should seek for a perfectly " steady " husband, were it 
 not that some women are accused of liking rakes, and others 
 fancy that whatever a man may be before marriage, he is 
 sure to reform after it. If there are women so careless of 
 their happiness as to like in men qualities that are sure to 
 make them wretched, captivated by money, position, a hand- 
 some face, or anything else, all that can be said of them is 
 that they are true daughters of Eve, who " knew not eating 
 death." People's characters seldom change after thirty 
 years of age, and, as a rule, a bad man before marriage will 
 be a bad man after it. For the same reason we think that 
 a girl ought not to marry in a sort of missionary spirit, 
 hoping to convert a lover, who is " rather wild," from the 
 error of his ways. The poor-houses are full of women who 
 thought they could reform their husbands. 
 
 To be happy in marriage, it is necessary to marry a 
 gentleman. What we mean by the term is expressed in 
 words taken from an American periodical. 
 
 "A true gentleman is generous and unselfish. He regards 
 another's happiness and welfare as well as his own. You 
 will see the trait running through all his actions. A man 
 who is a bear at home among all his sisters, and discourteous 
 
78 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 to his mother, is just the man to avoid when you come to 
 the great question which is to be answered yes or no. 
 
 " A man may be ever so rustic in his early surroundings, 
 but if he is a true gentleman he will not bring a blush to 
 your cheek in any society by his absurd behaviour. 
 
 " There is an instinctive politeness inherent in such a 
 character which everywhere commands respect and makes 
 its owner pass for what he is one of nature's noblemen. 
 
 " Do not despair, girls ; there are such men still in the 
 world. You need not all die old maids. Wait. No harm 
 in a delay. 
 
 " You will not be apt to find him in the ball-room, and I 
 know he will never be seen walking up from the liquor- 
 saloon. Nor is he a champion billiard-player. 
 
 "He has not had time to become a 'champion,' for he has 
 V had too much honest, earnest work to do in the world. I 
 have always observed that these * champions ' were seldom 
 good for much else. 
 
 "Be very wary in choosing, girls, when so much is at stake. 
 Do not mistake a passing fancy for undying love." 
 
 From the same source we learn how a Louisville girl 
 disposed of a young man who did not come up to this 
 standard : 
 
 " You have asked me pointedly if I can marry you, and 
 I have answered you pointedly that I can. I can marry a 
 man who makes love to a different girl every month. I can 
 marry a man whose main occupation seems to be to join in 
 gauntlet in front of churches and theatres, and comment 
 audibly on the people who are compelled to pass through it. 
 
"MIND WHOM YOU MARRY r 79 
 
 I can marry a man whose only means of support is an aged 
 father. I can marry a man who boasts that any girl can be 
 won with the help of a good tailor and an expert tongue. 
 I can marry such a man, but I w-o-n-t ! " 
 
 A duck of a man generally makes a goose of a husband, 
 so it is wise to choose a husband who has sterling qualities 
 of heart and character. " Look not on his countenance, or 
 on the height of his stature," or on any mere outward 
 appearance so much as on that inner man that will make or 
 mar your happiness and character. " Are the young ladies 
 of the present day fit for wives ? " asked a lecturer of his 
 audience. "They are fit for husbands," responded a 
 feminine voice ; " but the difficulty is that you men are not 
 fit for wives." The Rev. Philip Henry used to say to his 
 children, with reference to their choice in marriage " Please 
 God and please yourselves, and you shall never displease 
 me ; " and greatly blamed those parents who concluded 
 matches for their children without their consent. He some- 
 times mentioned the saying of a pious gentlewoman who 
 had many daughters " The care of most people is how to 
 get good husbands for their daughters ; but my care is to fit 
 my daughters to be good wives, and then let God provide 
 for them." May I refer to the fourth and fifth chapters of 
 my book, " How to be Happy though Married," where an 
 attempt has been made to save people from taking a leap 
 in the dark ? What is marriage but a leap in the dark, 
 when physical beauty is esteemed above spiritual beauty, and 
 when external possessions are desired more than internal 
 treasures? When sensuality, selfishness, vanity, ambition, 
 
8o " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 are the evil genii which bring the sexes together, what can 
 we expect but discord and misery ; diseases of mind and 
 body ', broken vows ; broken hearts ; the infernal marriage of 
 the evil and the false, and the awful shadows of hell projected 
 upon earth? That husbands and wives exercise special 
 transforming or modifying influences upon each other, is a 
 truth of daily experience and of incalculable value. Mind 
 whom you marry, for you will never be the same that you were 
 before. You will unconsciously absorb another life into your 
 own, and the two currents will blend in your character and 
 conduct. If your husband be a refined and good man, he 
 will make you refined and good if of an opposite character 
 
 ..." Thou shalt lower to his level day by day, 
 What is fine within thee growing coarse to sympathize with clay, 
 As the husband is, the wife is j thou art mated with a clown, 
 And the grossness of his nature will have weight to drag thee down." 
 
 So it is also with the man. The will of the woman 
 attaches itself to his will, and endeavours, with inconceivable 
 subtlety and power, to make it absolutely one with itself. 
 Hence the purifying, spiritualizing influence of a good and 
 noble woman. Hence also the fearfully demoralizing, 
 darkening, and deadening power of an evil woman over man. 
 
CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 THE MANAGEMENT OF A HUSBAND. 
 
 " Her pleasures are in lovers coy : 
 
 When hers, she gives them not a thought, 
 But, like the angler, takes more joy 
 
 In fishing than in fishes caught." Brooklyn Magazine. 
 
 " Think not, the husband gained, that all is done, 
 The prize of happiness must still be won ; 
 And oft the careless find it to their cost ; 
 The lover in the husband may be lost ; 
 The graces might alone his heart allure ; 
 They arid the virtues meeting must secure." 
 
 |AVING caught our hare we proceed to cook 
 it. Having married the right sort of husband, 
 how should a woman manage him ? The 
 first thing to be settled is whether it is 
 ever right for a wife who has vowed to obey 
 her husband to attempt to manage him. That, we should 
 say, depends upon the character of the husband and of the 
 wife. If a man be weak and easily led, he will be managed 
 by some one, and if his wife do not lead him right, bad 
 friends and bad passions will lead him wrong. 
 
 6 
 
82 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 What makes it sound badly to speak of managing a hus- 
 band is the fact that too many wives only manage their 
 husbands for selfish purposes. If their sole object were to 
 make the most of them it would be all right, but some- 
 times what they aim at is to make the most out of them. 
 Manoeuvres, crafty ways, wily little concealments, insidious 
 liatterings and coaxings with an object these miserable 
 and not very honourable means a good wife is sometimes 
 almost forced to use in order to make her bad husband do 
 his duty ; but they are also used by wives who have not bad 
 husbands, and who are therefore without excuse. Hus- 
 bands are selfish enough, but they have not a monopoly in 
 this bad quality : they share it with their wives. " I can do 
 what I like with my husband," said a young wife. " How?" 
 " When he won't do what I like, I just take to bed. The 
 other day I wanted twenty pounds, and he would only give 
 me ten, so I took to bed, and that soon brought him to 
 his senses." Is this the cause of the prevalency of the 
 " sofa disease " amongst ladies ? 
 
 Wives would manage their husbands better if they did 
 not forget the arts they used to please them when these 
 husbands were only their lovers. Before marriage, a girl 
 speaks to her lover with her eyes; after marriage, with her 
 tongue, and in other respects her manner is generally 
 ' less winning. 
 
 It is, however, a great mistake to yield up everything to 
 a husband's whims, and become the humble slave of his 
 caprices. The woman who does this without gaining more 
 of her lord's love loses his respect. He becomes a bully, and 
 
THE MANAGEMENT OF A HUSBAND. 83 
 
 in his heart despises and dislikes the weak simpleton who 
 allowed him to do so. 
 
 What is the best way of managing a husband who has 
 a chronic bad temper, and is eternally finding fault ? This 
 is the very difficult problem which many a poor woman has 
 to solve in her everyday life. We should say that it is well 
 to make this amiable being clearly understand that exhi- 
 bitions of temper do not frighten or the least bit impress 
 you. Above all do not " pip and whine and go trembling," 
 for if you once appear frightened, and say that you do not 
 know what to do, all influence will be gone. In menageries 
 the men who go into the cages of the lions are never hurt 
 by their savage occupants, unless for some reason or other 
 they lose nerve and show fear. We do not mean to in- 
 sinuate that many husbands are wild beasts, or that wives 
 should jump them through hoops, and put them through 
 irritating performances before strangers, but there is an ape 
 and a tiger in each of us, and the wife who would really 
 help her husband to move upward and work out the beast 
 must be careful not to let him lose his respect for her. 
 Make him see from the first that you are not a fool, and that 
 you cannot be trifled with. 
 
 The barracks occupied by the regiment of which I have 
 spiritual charge having to be repaired, the men of the regi- 
 ment were put under canvass. As the wives and children 
 of the married soldiers could not well live in tents for three 
 months, they were accommodated in a neighbouring fort. 
 Here there were only a few rooms, but as they were very 
 large, two women with their children had to live together in 
 
84 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN? 
 
 each room an arrangement which must have been very 
 trying to their tempers. Who was to get the first use of the 
 fireplace for cooking ? How were the mothers to prevent 
 themselves from being drawn into the quarrels of their 
 children ? It was the duty of the quartermaster to arrange 
 in each case the two particular women who should live 
 together, and as I knew a good deal about their characters 
 he consulted me on the delicate subject. We coupled most 
 of them with comparative ease, until we came to the names 
 of two whose tempers were notoriously bad, and who had 
 given the colonel and quartermaster more trouble than all 
 the rest of the women put together. Who would, or who 
 could, venture to live with them ? Happy thought ! put 
 them together. This we did, not without anxiety, but we 
 had heard that two fiery tempers often neutralized each 
 other, and we knew that it was a good plan to set a thief to 
 catch a thief. When visiting the two women some time after- 
 wards, half expecting that a Kilkenny cat's tragedy had 
 taken place, I was agreeably surprised to find that they 
 had agreed better than any of the other pairs. The only 
 way that I can account for this mysterious peacefulness is 
 that each woman respected the gunpowdery temper of her 
 companion, and took particular care not to explode it. 
 
 Is not the result often the same when a bad-tempered, 
 fault-finding husband gets a wife with a temper of her own ? 
 She manages him by giving a Roland for his Oliver, and if 
 the man threaten to run away from her wholesome disci- 
 pline she will answer as a wife the other day actually did : 
 " The running away is easy enough," quoth the lady, " it's 
 the coming back that will bring your pride down." 
 
THE MANAGEMENT OF A HUSBAND 85 
 
 I knew a strong-minded wife who cured her husband of 
 habits of tippling and staying away from home which he 
 was beginning to form, by a sort of homoeopathic treatment. 
 He was fond of money, and grudged every penny he did 
 not spend upon himself. So whenever he indulged in 
 " nips," his wife would order a bottle of expensive cham- 
 pagne for herself and friends. If he went on excursions, 
 or to places of amusement, without inviting her to accom- 
 pany him, she neither lectured nor cried, but started her- 
 self with all the children on some expedition. Finding that 
 in this way he was always paid with his own coin, or rather 
 punished by the loss of it, he became a model husband. 
 
 We do not believe with Mrs. Malaprop, that "'tis safest 
 in matrimony to begin with a little aversion," but we are 
 sure that there are low natures who do not know how to ap- 
 preciate love, and who, like some dogs, behave better when 
 not too much made of and petted. Probably this is the 
 reason why many love matches end in separations. Cer- 
 tainly a wife ought to love her husband, but he may value 
 her more if she hide her heart from him and never let him 
 know how dear he is. 
 
 Some men have to be managed as the Irishman does his 
 pig when driving it to market When the pig is led to 
 believe that he is wanted to go one way he goes the oppo- 
 site with the greatest of pleasure. Different cases must be 
 differently treated. To give in to some men makes them 
 worse. To agree with everything they say and do has been 
 found useful in the case of others. They are nothing if 
 not in opposition, and become sad and submissive when 
 they have no one to find fault with except themselves. 
 
86 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 I have just received the following letter : 
 
 "DEAR SIR, As one who greatly admires your book 
 (* How to be Happy though Married '), may I be allowed 
 to suggest an idea? While touching on temper, money, 
 and other things affecting the happiness of married life, you 
 have failed to notice jealousy. I don't mean as it is often 
 given way to in an unreasonable manner, but as it affects 
 many a kind, good husband, whose wife by her silly flirta- 
 tions makes him feel neglected, or the wife, good and kind 
 to her husband, who has to watch that husband devote his 
 time and most of his attention to some girl or woman who 
 takes his fancy for a time. I feel sure that a chapter of 
 advice on how to deal with a reasonable green-eyed monster 
 would be most helpful. 
 
 " I remain, 
 
 " Yours truly, 
 
 " G. T." 
 
 The remark in this letter of our obliging correspondent 
 that the wife of many a kind, good husband " by her silly 
 flirtations makes him feel neglected," alludes to a kind 
 of husband -^management which is fraught with incal- 
 culable misery to all concerned. No doubt it was cases 
 like this which gave rise to the Russian proverb : " When 
 you go to sea pray once, when you go to war pray twice, 
 when you marry pray three times." Probably, too, the 
 husband had a flirting wife who complained that a Quaker 
 friend deceived him by saying that when he married he 
 would be at the end of his troubles. "Yes, friend," was 
 
THE MANAGEMENT OF A HUSBAND. 87 
 
 the Quaker's explanation, " but I did not say at which end." 
 Seriously speaking, jealousy causes no end of trouble in 
 married life, and she is a very wicked woman who, for the 
 sake of gratifying her vanity, gives to her husband any 
 reasonable cause for feeling the torments of this passion. 
 She cannot do so without breaking every marriage vow. 
 
 The wife who would manage her husband ought to make 
 her personal appearance ever attractive to him ; for although 
 he may not seem to notice it, he will, and it will have a 
 greater influence on him than she may imagine. She should 
 make his food an object of attention, for the hearts of 
 many men can only be reached by means of their stomachs. 
 The sight of a daintily set dinner-table on a man's return 
 from business is enough to dispel the gloom from the most 
 cantankerous husband living, especially when it is backed 
 by the knowledge that an appetizing meal will be on the 
 table ready for him by the time he has washed his hands, 
 changed his coat, and prepared himself to enjoy it. 
 
 It is well in this way for a wife either to cook herself for 
 her husband, or to see that it is properly done by a servant, 
 but it is even better to be able to cook the good man him- 
 self. " Cook a husband ! Is this possible ? " Certainly, 
 and it is the highest attainment of the culinary art One 
 of the lecturers before the Cooking School at Baltimore 
 recently gave this recipe : " A good many husbands are 
 utterly spoiled by mismanagement. Some women go about 
 as if their husbands were bladders, and blow them up. 
 Others keep them constantly in hot water ; others let them 
 freeze by their carelessness and indifference. Some keep 
 
88 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 them in a stew of irritating ways and words. Others roast 
 them. Some keep them in pickle all their lives. It cannot 
 be supposed that any husband will be tender and good 
 managed in this way; but they are really delicious when 
 properly treated. In selecting your husband, you should 
 not be guided by the silvery appearance as in buying 
 mackerel, nor by the golden tint as if you wanted salmon. 
 Be sure to select him yourself, as tastes differ. Do not go 
 to market for him, as the best are always brought to your 
 door. It is far better to have none unless you will patiently 
 learn how to cook him. A preserving kettle of the finest 
 porcelain is best ; but if you have nothing but an earthen 
 ware pipkin, it will do, with care. See that the linen in 
 which you wrap him is nicely washed and mended, with the 
 required number of buttons and strings tightly sewed on. 
 Tie him in the kettle by a strong silk cord called comfort, as 
 the one called duty is apt to be weak. They are apt to fly 
 out of the kettle and be burned and crusty on the edges, 
 since, like crabs and lobsters, you have to cook them while 
 alive. Make a clear steady fire out of love, neatness, and 
 cheerfulness. Set him as near this as seems to agree with 
 him. If he sputters and fizzes do not be anxious ; some 
 husbands do this until they are quite done. Add a little 
 sugar in the form of what confectioners call kisses, but no 
 vinegar or pepper on any account. A little spice improves 
 them, but it must be used with judgment. Do not stick 
 any sharp instrument into him to see if he is becoming 
 tender. Stir him gently, watching the while lest he lie too 
 flat and close to the kettle, and so become useless. You 
 
THE MANAGEMENT OF A HUSBAND. 89 
 
 cannot fail to know when he is done. If thus treated, you 
 will find him very digestible, agreeing nicely with you and 
 the children, and he will keep as long as you want, unless ' 
 you become careless and set him in too cold a place." 
 
 The homely, affectionate, and familiar way in which 
 priests officiating at French weddings address the brides 
 and bridegrooms has often been commented upon. One 
 recently delivered ran as follows : " It is from the bottom 
 of my heart, Joseph, that I congratulate you upon the great 
 step you are taking. It was indeed sad to see you wasting 
 your youth in a life of disgusting drunkenness. However, 
 .all is well that ends well ; and it pleases me to think that 
 you have said good-bye for ever to the wine shop. As to 
 you, my poor Catherine, thank heaven heartily that you have 
 been able, ugly as you are, to find a husband. Never forget 
 that you ought, by an unchangeable sweetness, and a devo- 
 tion without bounds, to try to obtain pardon for your phy- 
 sical imperfection ; for, I repeat, you are a real blunder of 
 nature. And now, my dear children, I join you in matrimony." 
 
 Catherine might well be comforted, for it is quite true 
 that beauty of temper atones for ugliness of face, and that 
 a sweet and devoted wife who is physically imperfect has 
 in the long run a greater influence over her husband than 
 one who is better looking but worse tempered. Never lose 
 your temper : it ruins the face, and it always leaves a dis- 
 agreeable impression which nothing quite rubs out. You 
 will grow old in years ; but you may continue youthful in 
 feeling, and beautiful in the eyes of your husband by a 
 constant use of the following prescription : 
 
90 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 " Of Unselfishness, three drams, 
 Of Essence of Heart's-ease, three drams, 
 Of the Spirit of Charity, three drams, and no scruples, 
 Of Extract of Rose of Sharon, a whole ounce. 
 The mixture to be taken daily." 
 
 As a rule " the husband is the head of the wife ; " but 
 sometimes she is the stronger of the two. It is not her 
 fault that she is the stronger; she is what she has been 
 made, and water must find its own level. Let her guide 
 her husband along the right road without his feeling the bit. 
 She must choose her opportunity and cultivate tact A 
 good wife is 
 
 "Blessed with temper, whose unclouded ray 
 Can make to-morrow cheerful as to-day ! 
 She who ne'er answers till a husband cools, 
 Or, if she rules him, never shows she rules ; 
 Charms by accepting, by submitting, sways, 
 Yet has her humour most when she obeys." 
 
 For the sake of completeness this chapter should be fol- 
 lowed by one on the management of a wife. We give it 
 up, and leave it to be written by the man who has managed 
 a wife, and who knows how it is done. It is true that 
 Petrucio is represented by Shakespeare as having managed 
 even " Katharine the curst," but this never was done in 
 real life, and is only the creation of the poet's brain. I 
 shall say nothing of my own on the subject, but shall quote 
 a remark lately made to me by a young married woman : 
 " We women," she said, "like to be mastered if we get a 
 really good master, but that is the great difficulty." 
 
CHAPTER IX. 
 
 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 
 
 14 Bring thy children up in learning and obedience, yet without out- 
 ward austerity. Praise them openly, reprehend them secretly. Give 
 them good countenance and convenient maintenance according to thy 
 ability, otherwise thy life will seem their bondage, and what portion 
 thou shalt leave them at thy death, they will thank death for it, and 
 not thee. And I am persuaded that the foolish cockering of some 
 parents, and the over-stern carriage of others, causeth more men and 
 women to take ill courses than their own vicious inclinations." Lord 
 Burleight 
 
 HE patriarchal or family form of government 
 is generally acknowledged to be the founda- 
 tion and first development of all government. 
 The man who can well rule his family is 
 capable of governing a kingdom. No won- 
 der that the Apostle Paul should say, when speaking of the 
 necessary qualifications of a bishop, that a suitable candidate 
 for the office is one who maintains good government in his 
 
92 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 own house. " For if a man know not how to rule his own 
 house, how shall he take care of the Church of God?" Yet 
 this is the government that people generally undertake 
 without any serious thought or the slightest preparation. 
 Parents go into their office with good intentions perhaps, 
 but without any attempt to understand the duties and 
 authority it involves. We all understand that some kind 
 of preparation is necessary to teach school, drill soldiers, or 
 even to make coats and boots ; but as regards preparation 
 for parenthood this is ignored by every curriculum ot 
 education. 
 
 The first thing to be said about family government is that 
 it should really maintain law and rule. It is more than a 
 mere nursing, petting, and provisioning agency. Fancying 
 that there is a kind of severity implied in the act of govern- 
 ing, some parents are unwilling to bear rule at all. And 
 yet by common consent we speak of an ungoverned family 
 as a synonym of a disorderly, wretched, if not ruined family. 
 There is no greater cruelty than this false tenderness. There 
 is indeed a kind of cruelty on the opposite side when 
 despotic will and violence make no appeal to the moral 
 nature. Yet even this may not be so cruel in its effects as 
 the false tenderness just named. 
 
 Parental authority should be regarded as vicegerent 
 authority set up by God and ruling in His stead. A parent 
 Is to a child what God is to a good man. He is the moral 
 governor of its world of childhood. Parental government 
 is therefore only genuine when it rules for the same ends as 
 God pursues. But how seldom is this ideal even in a small 
 
FAMIL Y GO VERNMENT. 93 
 
 degree realized ! We rule as parents in a careless, irrespon- 
 sible way, making laws, not for the child's highest and most 
 lasting good, but for our own selfish convenience or for the 
 gratification of vanity. We want our children to shine and 
 be fashionable, and with this end in view a vexatious yoke 
 of unnecessary commands is put upon them. If some 
 parents exerted themselves as much in developing the moral 
 characters of their children as they do in making them 
 please their own hobbies, they would indeed be parental 
 models. 
 
 When children accord willing obedience, then the end of 
 family government is gained. By willing obedience is meant 
 that obedience which springs from right motive and is not 
 given to mere will and force. The highest and perhaps the 
 most effective motives that can be urged are such as these : 
 Doing right because it is right ; God's approbation ; the 
 approval of conscience ; the sense of honour as opposed to 
 the meanness of lying and deceit. Besides these highest 
 motives there are lower ones that are sometimes more 
 practical. Rewards and punishments are second-class 
 motives, but they cannot be dispensed with. It is certainly 
 better even to bribe a child to do good than not to have 
 the good done. And as regards fear, if it be a mean 
 motive, yet it is the only one to which mean children will 
 much attend. There is, then, to be such a thing as penalty 
 in family government, but it should be inflicted with the 
 greatest consideration. First of all, it should be threatened 
 and inflicted as seldom as possible. When, however, it is 
 threatened, let it be inflicted, for nothing so much weakens 
 
94 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 the force of discipline as threatenings which, though full of 
 sound and fury, are known by a child's experience to mean 
 nothing. The other day I heard of a precocious boy of five 
 years old who, in the presence of several people, thus re- 
 plied to his father when he threatened to punish him unless 
 he became good immediately: "No you won't," said this 
 young despiser of authority, "for you tell me the same 
 ihing every day, and never do anything." 
 
 Punishments should be severe enough to serve their 
 purpose and gentle enough to ensure the continuance of 
 affection. Nor should the child be left alone until he feels 
 that the punishment has been inflicted for his own good, 
 and gives assurance of this feeling by putting on a pleasant 
 face. The fashion of reproving children and servants in 
 the presence of others is to be deprecated. Pride, stubborn- 
 ness, and self-will are aroused by it, while a more private 
 reproof might be received even with thankfulness. 
 
 Much depends on the tone of voice and manner in which 
 commands are given. It is a great mistake to suppose that 
 what will make a child stare or tremble impresses authority. 
 Let the command be given quietly, as if it had right in 
 itself, and should as a matter of course commend itself to 
 the child's conscience. And only so many things should 
 be commanded as can be faithfully attended to. Be sparing 
 of commands, and let them be given rather for the child's 
 advantage than for your own. Above all, let there be con- 
 sistency in commanding. 
 
 Consider well what you are going to do ; weigh all the 
 consequences ; and then, if you give the command, enforce 
 
r 
 
 FA MIL Y GO VERNMENT. 95 
 
 obedience at whatever cost. " Of errors in education," 
 says Mr. Herbert Spencer, "one of the worst is inconsis- 
 tency. As in a community, crimes multiply when there is 
 no certain administration of justice; so in a family, an 
 increase of transgressions results from a hesitating or irregu- 
 lar infliction of punishment. A weak mother, who perpetu- 
 ally threatens and rarely performs who makes rules in 
 haste and repents of them at leisure who treats the same 
 offence now with severity and now with leniency, as the 
 passing humour dictates, is laying up miseries for herselt 
 and her children. She is making herself contemptible in 
 their eyes ; she is setting them an example of uncontrolled 
 feelings ; she is encouraging them to transgress by the 
 prospect of probable impunity; she is entailing endless 
 squabbles and accompanying damage to her own temper 
 and the tempers of her little ones. Let your penalties be 
 like the penalties inflicted by inanimate nature inevitable. 
 The hot cinder burns a child the first time he seizes it ; it 
 burns him the second time ; it burns him the third time ; 
 it burns him every time ; and he very soon learns not to 
 touch the hot cinder. If you are equally consistent if the 
 consequences which you tell your child will follow specified 
 acts, follow with like uniformity, he will soon come to 
 respect your laws as he does those of nature. And this 
 respect once established will prevent endless domestic 
 evils." 
 
 It is of the highest importance in family government that 
 parents understand how early it begins. People fancy that 
 they can have but little influence on the soul of infancy. 
 
96 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 What can they do till they can speak to it ? What can it 
 do till it speaks ? We answer very much indeed. More 
 perhaps is done to affect the character of children before 
 the age of language than after. This is the period of im- 
 pressions, and the child may now very easily be impressed 
 in a wrong way, if petty airs of foppery are encouraged, if 
 the repetition of bad tricks is laughed at, if every sort of 
 temper is indulged in towards it, or if the house be filled 
 with a din of scolding between parents. We should not, 
 then, pass over this precious age of impressions in idle 
 security, or misuse it in mischievous indiscretions, or give 
 our children up to the thoughtless keeping of attendants. 
 Very quick is the child's eye in the passive age of infancy 
 to catch impressions and perceive the meaning of looks, 
 voices, and motions. It examines all faces and colours and 
 sounds. Every sentiment is reflected on its face as on a 
 glass. If the child is handled fretfully, scolded, shaken, or 
 even laid aside without affection, it feels exactly that which 
 is felt towards it ; it is angered by anger, made impatient 
 by impatience, fretted by fretting. There is scarcely room 
 to doubt that all crabbed, resentful, passionate characters, 
 as well as all that are gentle, patient, and loving, are more 
 or less prepared in the nursery. To the question, " At what 
 age would you educate a child ? " a wise man answered, 
 " Twenty years before its birth, by educating its father and 
 mother." As a general rule, perhaps more is done, or 
 neglected to be done, in moulding a child's character in the 
 first four years of life than in all his years of education 
 afterwards. 
 
FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 97 
 
 In the early periods of childhood, authority should expect 
 the implicit obedience that asks not "why." It should have 
 nothing to do with reasons, at least before it is obeyed. It 
 is good for the character of a young child to be accustomed 
 to obey on the ground of simple authority. At the same 
 time we must guard against the exacting and dictatorial 
 manner that only provokes to wrath. 
 
 The common fault of commanding too much and omitting 
 to enforce what is commanded has been alluded to ; there 
 is another kind of fault which commands overmuch, and 
 rigidly exacts what is commanded. The parent then appears 
 to the child only as a bundle of commands, who continually 
 exacts something for no other reason than to take away 
 even the semblance of liberty. This is often done to break 
 the child's will, but this will-breaking process too often 
 makes cowards, hypocrites, and mean-spirited sycophants. 
 Nothing, indeed, is more dreadful than this breaking of a 
 will, when it breaks, as it often does, the personality itself, 
 and all firmness of manhood. The true problem is not 
 to break, but to bend ; to draw the will by sweetness away 
 from self-assertion to self-surrender ; to teach it the way of 
 submitting to wise limitations. 
 
 Great care is needed in detecting the faults of childhood. 
 While children must not be allowed to go into the ways of 
 vice undetected, the circumspection required to prevent 
 this must be very different from deliberate espionage, than 
 which nothing will more certainly alienate confidence and 
 love. If a child feels he is not trusted he will soon become 
 as unworthy of trust as he has been taken to be. On the 
 
 7 
 
9 3 MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 other hand, he will naturally want to be worthy of the trust 
 he receives. The doctrine of implicit obedience in family 
 government only applies to very young children. A wise 
 parent understands that his government is to be crowned 
 one day by the emancipation of the child, and that the 
 gradual, graceful accomplishment of this emancipation is a 
 very great matter. The process in order to be well finished 
 should begin early. The child, after being ruled for a time 
 by pure authority, should begin, as the understanding is 
 developed, to have some of the reasons given why this or 
 that thing is required to be done. His tastes, too should 
 be consulted in respect to his future engagements in life. 
 Among birds, the young are taught to use their wings not 
 all at once, but by degrees. Let parents take a lesson from 
 this fact, and give to their children gradual independence. 
 
 Human nature requires amusement as well as teaching 
 and correction. To cater for the family amusement is a part 
 of parental government that must not be overlooked. One 
 of the first duties of a parent is to sympathize with the play 
 of his children. How very much do little children crave 
 for sympathy ! They hold out every new object for you to 
 see it with them, and look up after each gambol for you to 
 rejoice with them. 
 
 Let play-times and play-things be given liberally. Invite 
 suitable companions, and do everything in your power to 
 make home sweet. It is the greatest pleasure to right- 
 hearted people to forget their years as they enter into the 
 frolic of '-.heir children. Nor will this weaken our power of 
 governing. Rather the authority so far unbent will be all 
 
FAMIL Y GO VERNMENT. 99 
 
 the stronger and more welcome for our display of real sym- 
 pathy. If family government were well carried out in every 
 home, children would be happier and better than they are now. 
 
 Then there would be even in our great towns a partial 
 realization of the words of the prophet Zechariah, in refer- 
 ence to Jerusalem delivered : " And the streets of the city 
 shall be full of boys and girls playing in the streets thereof." 
 We often recollect with pleasure the qualification which a 
 friend of ours asked for in a teacher for his children "Can 
 you laugh and make fun ? " It was strictly philosophical. 
 The boy is not learning anything when he is amusing 
 himself, but he is strengthening his brain that it may be 
 better able to learn and to act when the good time comes. 
 Is it not better to begin life with a good sound instrument, 
 fit for the utmost duty its natural reach of power admits of, 
 than with an enfeebled instrument which has only got a 
 smattering of a great number of things it does not compre- 
 hend ? Old and precise people like to see a quiet, grave 
 child. In sober truth, there is nothing more alarming. It 
 is almost sure to be an indication of some extraordinary 
 quality of not a safe kind. 
 
 In bringing up . children there are two extremes to be 
 avoided. On the one hand, there is extravagant indulgence, 
 vitiating the character almost before it has had time to show 
 the first spring- flowers of its native innocence; on the 
 other, austerity, ill-nature, and gloom, making all the May 
 of life a November, checking the growth of the affections, 
 and introducing distrust and fear where as yet unsuspecting 
 confidence should reign. 
 
ioo MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 We are indebted to Public Opinion for the following well- 
 devised rules for spoiling a child : i. Begin young by giving 
 him whatever he cries for. 2. Talk freely before the child 
 about his smartness as incomparable. 3. Tell him he is 
 too much for you, that you can do nothing with him. 
 
 4. Have divided counsels as between father and mother. 
 
 5. Let him learn to regard his father as a creature of un- 
 limited power, capricious and tyrannical; or as a mere 
 whipping machine. 6. Let him learn (from his father's 
 example) to despise his mother. 7. Do not know or care 
 who his companions may be. 8. Let him read whatever he 
 likes. 9. Let the child, whether boy or girl, rove the streets 
 in the evenings a good school for both sexes. 10. Devote 
 yourself to making money, remembering always that wealth 
 is a better legacy for your child than principles in the heart 
 and habits in the life ; and let him have plenty of money to 
 spend, ii. Be not with him in hours of recreation. 12. 
 Strain at a gnat and swallow a camel ; chastise severely for 
 a foible, and laugh at a vice. 13. Let him run about from 
 church to church ; eclecticism in religion is the order of the 
 day. 14. Whatever burdens of virtuous requirements you 
 lay on his shoulders, touch not with one of your fingers. 
 These rules are not untried. Many parents have proved 
 them, with substantial uniformity of results. If a fathful 
 observance of them does not spoil your child, you will at 
 least have the comfortable reflection that you have done 
 what you could. 
 
 "Enough," said Rasselas to Imlac; "you convince me 
 that no man can ever be a poet." And truly, if we seriously 
 
FAMILY 
 
 reflect on the duties of parenthood, we may conclude that, 
 in this imperfect world, no one ever can be a good parent. 
 Poor Margaret Fuller, recording in her diary the event of 
 her child's birth, expressed a feeling of responsibility with 
 which many parents can sympathize. " I am the mother of 
 an immortal being ! God be merciful to me, a sinner ! " 
 Was not the sense of her own unworthiness and incapacity 
 for her sacred task the very best preparation for performing 
 it well? 
 
CHAPTER X. 
 
 VAINGLORIOUS HOUSEKEEPING. 
 
 " The tone of living in England is altogether too high. Middle-class 
 people are too apt to live up to their incomes, if not beyond them ; 
 affecting a degree of ' style ' which is most unhealthy in its effects upon 
 society at large. There is a dreadful ambition abroad for being 
 'genteel.'" Smiles. 
 
 ]N early life Sydney Smith was very poor, but 
 he contrived to put his poverty in such a 
 humorous light, that it became a source of 
 mirth rather than of misery. He had none 
 of the false shame that more than anything 
 else makes poverty bitter, and never shrank from saying " I 
 can't afford it." How poor he was when living in Edinburgh, 
 immediately after his marriage, is humorously expressed in 
 the motto he suggested for the Edinburgh Review, then 
 started by him in conjunction with his not less impoverished 
 friends, Brougham and Jeffrey Tenui musam meditamur 
 
VAINGLORIOUS HOUSEKEEPING. 103 
 
 arena (" We cultivate literature on a little oatmeal "). In 
 hopes of bettering his circumstances, he removed to London ; 
 but here, in spite of earnest endeavours to obtain employ- 
 ment, he remained poor for many years. But it was poverty 
 in a form that was almost attractive. There was no seeming 
 in his little household, substantial comfort which he called 
 the " grammar of life " being always preferred to outward 
 show. " Avoid shame, but do not seek glory ; nothing so 
 expensive as glory." This principle regulated every detail 
 of his establishment Some lectures he delivered at the 
 Royal Institution enabled him to furnish a larger house, 
 where he established little weekly suppers as centres of 
 attraction to his ever-widening circle of friends. Nothing 
 could be plainer than these suppers were, yet the host's 
 * feast of reason and flow of soul " drew all the most cele- 
 brated people of London to share his single dish. Young 
 couples beginning life have it in their power to halve their 
 anxieties and double their chance of happiness if they would 
 resolve to act upon this principle " Avoid shame, but do 
 not seek glory." To try to keep up vainglorious appearances 
 is most foolish "your glorying is not good." It makes so- 
 called friends laugh, and brings you into debt and every kind 
 of difficulty. But this is a very common form of social evil. 
 The world, we know, is deceived by ornament, and thinks 
 more of the shadow than of the substance ; accordingly, 
 people of the let-us-be-genteel-or-die class overwork and 
 overfret themselves to keep up appearances. Having food 
 and raiment, they are not content unless they have a larger 
 house than Mrs. So-and-so, a greater number of servants 
 
104 "MANNERS MAKYTH 
 
 than she is tyrannized over by, and give more entertainments, 
 which are not "in a friendly way," but for the sake of 
 arousing envy at supposed wealth. How much more free 
 and happy people must have been 
 
 " That time the sturdy English middle class 
 Was not so fine as now ; . . . 
 Daughters and wives would wear a last year's gown 
 Without a fume because the gay beau monde 
 Had slashed its sleeves and clipped an inch of skirt. 
 And housewives clung to old receipts, old ways 
 Of ordering this and that, their mothers taught ; 
 And, most of all, eschewed the petty tricks 
 Of show, to make the little seem the much." 
 
 Whether it be right to marry on ^300 per annum is a 
 question often debated in the middle class. Now, surely we 
 could easily solve this problem, while fully sympathizing with 
 the political economist's righteous indignation at imprudent 
 marriages, if plain living and high thinking were considered 
 as important as keeping up appearances. A married clerk 
 receiving a salary of ^"200 or ^300 a year is badly off 
 why ? Because his wife, having obtained the usual education, 
 or want of education, knows nothing useful, and would think 
 it a degradation to free herself from the intolerable nuisance 
 of bad servants by becoming her own " lady help," and doing 
 at least some of her household work. 
 
 It is a great blessing to have been trained hardily. Hun- 
 dreds of middle-class people are heavily handicapped in the 
 race of life because they find it hard to do without luxuries 
 which they can ill afford to buy, but which they would never 
 have missed if they had not been accustomed to them in 
 
VAINGLORIOUS HOUSEKEEPING. 105 
 
 childhood. This must become every year more apparent, 
 because the classes that have hitherto had the monopoly of 
 education have now to compete with the working-classes 
 trained to privation for generations. 
 
 We cannot help being poor if we are luxurious, for 
 " Want is a growing giant whom the coat of Have was never 
 large enough to cover." "Why," asks a wit, " does the 'girl of 
 the period' make the best housekeeper ? Because she makes 
 so much bustle about a little waist." Unfortunately this is 
 not true of her housekeeping. 
 
 What an admirable manager of money was Mrs. Carlyle ! 
 " There was," writes Mr. Froude, "a discussion some years 
 ago in the newspapers whether two people with the habits of 
 a lady and a gentleman could live together in London on 
 three hundred pounds a year. Mrs. Carlyle, who often 
 laughed about it while it was going on, will answer the 
 question. No one who visited the Carlyles could tell 
 whether they were poor or rich. There were no signs of 
 extravagance, but also none of poverty. The drawing-room 
 arrangements were exceptionally elegant. The furniture was 
 simple, but solid and handsome; everything was scrupulously 
 clean ; everything good of its kind ; and there was an air of 
 ease, as 'of a household living within its means. Mrs. 
 Carlyle was well dressed always. Her admirable taste would 
 make the most of inexpensive materials ; but the materials 
 themselves were of the very best. Carlyle himself generally 
 kept a horse. They travelled, they visited, they were always 
 generous apd open-handed." All this was done on an 
 income of not quite four hundred pounds. Of course Carlyle, 
 
io6 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 as well as his wife, was imbued with Scotch thrift, showing 
 itself in hatred of waste. If he saw a crust of bread on the 
 roadway, he would stop to pick it up, and put it on a step or 
 a railing. " Some poor creature might be glad of it, or at 
 worst a dog or a sparrow. To destroy wholesome food is a 
 sin." 
 
 There are thousands of women in these islands who cannot 
 marry. But, why cannot they marry ? Because they have 
 false notions about respectability. So long as the miserable 
 and polluting idleness of a merely novel-reading existence is 
 supposed to keep up appearances better than paying one's 
 reckoning at life's feast by useful work ; so long as wearing 
 dresses which a husband cannot afford is more fashionable 
 than cooking a dinner or sweeping a floor, so long will 
 eligible young men prudently decline the famous advice, 
 " Marry early ; yes, marry early and marry often ! " 
 
 A gentleman married an Irish servant girl and gave as his 
 reason that if he married in his own sphere, he must keep a 
 girl for his wife's service, so he married the girl instead. 
 
 " But that's servant's work ! " Mr. Ruskin will answer 
 this objection for us. " Of course it is. What business have 
 you to hope to be better than a servant of servants ? ' God 
 made you a lady ' ? Yes, He has put you, that is to say, in 
 a position in which you may learn to speak your own 
 language beautifully ; to be accurately acquainted with the 
 elements of other languages ; to behave with grace, tact v and 
 sympathy to all around you ; to know the history of your 
 country, the commands of its religion, and the duties of its 
 race. If you obey His will in learning these things, you will 
 
VAINGLORIOUS HOUSEKEEPING. 107 
 
 obtain the power of becoming a true ' lady ' ; and you will 
 become one if, while you learn these things, you set yourself, 
 with all the strength of your youth and womanhood, to serve 
 His servants, until the day come when He calls you, to say, 
 * Well done, good and faithful servant : enter thou into the 
 joy of thy Lord.' " 
 
 You may thus become a Christ's lady, or you may, if you 
 will, become a Belial's lady, taking Belial's gift of miserable 
 idleness, living on the labour and shame of others, and 
 deceiving them and yourself by lies. 
 
 When Cobbett was a soldier in America, it was his habit 
 to take a walk before breakfast on a hill near the barracks. 
 One morning, as he was passing the door of a sergeant-major 
 of artillery, when it was scarcely light, he saw the sergeant's 
 daughter scrubbing a washing-tub on the snow. " That is 
 the girl for me ! " he exclaimed, and subsequent events 
 proved the wisdom of his choice. Probably the majority of 
 . men think, with Cobbett, that "women, so amiable in them- 
 \elves, are never so amiable as when they are useful," or, in 
 other words, that a woman best keeps up appearances when 
 she shows herself ready to put her hand to any work that 
 may benefit those nearest and dearest to her. 
 
 How often do we hear the phrases " What will the world 
 say?" "Perhaps; but, then, we live in the world." This 
 "world" is at once the idol and the bete noire of multitudes 
 during their existence. They are in subjugation to fashion 
 from the day when baby's first wardrobe must be of the most 
 extravagant description, costing almost as much as mamma's 
 absurdly expensive marriage outfit, down to the day when 
 
io3 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 they are carried to their rest in coffins more costly than 
 comfortable at least to those who must pay for them under 
 a proper amount of feathers, and accompanied by a customary 
 number of professional mourners, looking ghastly respectable 
 in their trappings and suits of woe. The manly motto of 
 the Keiths, Earls Mareschal of Scotland " They say ; what 
 say they ? Let them say " has given place to " They say. 
 Oh, do they say so ? Then we shall or we sha'n't do it." 
 
 A popular authoress tells us that a young lady once asked 
 her, " Do you think that Henry and I ought to marry upon 
 less than four hundred a year ? " " No, certainly, my dear : 
 because you marry for so many people's benefit besides your 
 own. How, for instance, could your acquaintance bear to 
 see moreen curtains, instead of the blue and silver damask 
 you were talking of? And how could you give those charm- 
 ing little dinner-parties, which you say are indispensable to 
 one in your position, without three servants, or a boy in 
 buttons as well ? Nay, if you went into society at all, of the 
 kind you now keep, a fifth of Henry's annual income would 
 melt away in dresses, bouquets, and white kid gloves. No, 
 my dear girl ; I can by no means advise you to marry upon 
 less than four hundred a year." We should think not indeed. 
 
 And yet society will stand a great amount of "eccentricity" 
 from anybody who takes the bull by the horns, too fearless 
 or too indifferent to think of consequences. But, instead of 
 doing this, people run into debt rather than use an article of 
 dress or furniture a year behind the mode ; give a ball and 
 stint the family dinner for a month after ; take a large house, 
 and furnish handsome reception rooms, while their house- 
 
VAINGLORIOUS HOUSEKEEPING. 109 
 
 nolds huddle together anyhow in untidy attic bed-chambers. 
 They prefer this to stating plainly, by word or manner, " My 
 income is so much a year \ it will not allow me to live beyond 
 a certain rate ; it will not keep comfortably both my family 
 and acquaintances; therefore, excuse my preferring the 
 comfort of my family to the entertainment of my acquaint- 
 ances ; and, society, if you choose to look in upon us, you 
 must just take us as we are, without pretences of any kind, or 
 you may leave us alone to enjoy your absence." If in this 
 way young people would bravely say on certain occasions 
 " we can't afford it," and would realize the truth that the 
 laughter of fools is of no more consequence than " the 
 crackling of thorns under a pot," they would be much more 
 likely to be happy in their domestic life. 
 
CHAPTER XL 
 
 KEEPING UP APPEARANCES. 
 
 " Time was, when in English life, the comedy of ' Every Man in his 
 Humour ' was daily enacted among us ; but now the poor French word, 
 French in every sense, ' QtSen dira-t-on ? ' spellbinds us all, and we 
 have nothing for it but to drill and cane each other into one uniform, 
 regimental 'nation of gentlemen.' " Carlyle. 
 
 " I hold the constant regard we pay, in all our actions, to the judg- 
 ment of others, as the poison of our peace, our reason, and our virtue. 
 ... He who differs from the world in important matters should the 
 more carefully conform to it in indifferent ones." Richter. 
 
 PPEARANCES may be kept up in a right 
 or a wrong way, and from a high or a low 
 motive. Few people can afford to disregard 
 appearances. A man must be very rich, very 
 clever, or very useful to be privileged to wear 
 an old familiar coat and a " shocking bad hat." Ordinary 
 people by being shabby may lose a hundred times the cost 
 
KEEPING UP APPEARANCES. in 
 
 of a good suit of clothes. Employers like the people in 
 their employment to keep up appearances by dressing well. 
 If you are anxious to keep in a good situation, dress well. 
 
 " Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, 
 But not express'd in fancy ; rich, not gaudy." 
 
 When a man in receipt of a good salary dresses badly, it 
 excites suspicion as much as extravagance in his amusements 
 and great display in dress. In one case he is suspected of 
 spending his own money ill, in the other of using that of 
 his employer* Those who keep up appearances get more 
 assistance of every kind. It is easier to borrow ten or 
 twenty pounds in a good suit of clothes than five shillings 
 in an old coat and shabby hat. "The apparel oft proclaims 
 the man." Strangers must form their opinion of strangers 
 from outward and visible signs. We may reconsider our 
 verdicts upon further acquaintance; but, in the absence 
 of this, what can we think when first introduced to a man 
 except " appearances are against him," or " I like his look " ? 
 We can scarcely lose self-respect and hopefulness so long as 
 we manage to keep up appearances. 
 
 It was a clever woman who remarked that the conscious- 
 ness of being well dressed conferred a serenity not to be 
 derived from any other cause. The little child who was 
 asked by her mother why she wasn't good, " like Julia," 
 spoke unconsciously a great moral truth when she replied : 
 " Perhaps I should be if my dress had little pink bows all 
 over it." 
 
 " Rub up your brasses, Sally," said a husband to a wife, 
 
112 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 who being, when first married, clean and orderly, was 
 degenerating into a slattern, and failing to keep up appear- 
 ances within the pretty cottage. Every wife may find 
 " brasses to rub up ; " and if her own spirits are gloomy 
 enough at times, and things go wrong, she may at any rate 
 keep the externals about her bright for the sake of husband 
 and children. 
 
 " Brush your hair, and then things won't look so bad," 
 was the homely advice given by an old friend to a woman 
 whose husband had lost money by the failure of a bank, 
 and who could not see the force of the wife sitting untidy 
 and dishevelled, with unswept floor and untidy hearth, and 
 unprepared dinner, because this calamity had happened. 
 
 An old colonel, who once commanded a crack cavalry 
 regiment, told the writer with pride that his men used to 
 look as if they believed that the whole town belonged to 
 them. This was keeping up the appearance of the regiment. 
 If you carry yourself as if you had a thousand pounds at 
 your command, many defects and blemishes will remain 
 unnoticed. Here is an incident taken from " Six Months 
 in the Ranks; or, The Gentleman Private," which illustrates 
 the effect, or want of effect, of not keeping up appearances. 
 " One evening," writes the Gentleman Private, " I had gone 
 into a shop at Sheerness to make some purchases, when 
 I saw a mild-looking, elderly gentleman standing by the 
 counter, while two young ladies, evidently his daughters 
 were buying something. I paid no particular attention to 
 him, and he made no remark to me. When he had gone 
 out with his daughters, the shopwoman laughed and asked 
 
KEEPING UP APPEARANCES. 113 
 
 me if I did not know my own colonel. ' Was that the 
 colonel ? I never saw him before. I shouldn't have taken 
 him for an officer, though, by his shabby hat and old 
 Inverness.' * I wondered why you didn't salute him. He 
 doesn't dress very well, but he's a very nice gentleman.'" 
 
 The same writer relates how a well-conducted fellow- 
 soldier, who had fallen from the position of an officer, never 
 got the chance of again rising, because " he always hanged 
 down his head, and people are accustomed to treat a man 
 much according to the respect which he shows for himself." 
 "Why the doose do he hold 'is 'ead down like that?" 
 asked the sergeant-major, angrily. " As he's been an 
 officer he ought to know how to be'ave 'isself better. What 
 use 'ud he be as a non-commissioned officer if he didn't 
 dare look 'is men in the face ? If a man wants to be a 
 soldier, I say, let him cock his chin up, switch his stick 
 about a bit, and give a crack over the 'ead to anybody who 
 comes foolin' round 'im, else he migh' just as well be a 
 Methodist parson." 
 
 The chorus of a well-known song describes a class of 
 people who deserve not a little sympathy and respect 
 
 " Too proud to beg, too honest to steal, 
 We know what it is to be wanting a meal j 
 Our tatters and rags we try to conceal ; 
 We belong to the ' shabby genteel."' 
 
 The struggles of such persons to conceal their tatters and 
 rags, and generally to keep up appearances, are very pathetic 
 and very praiseworthy ; and yet they receive but little 
 encouragement, for so-called philanthropists and careless 
 
 8 
 
1 14 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 almsgivers are frequently guilty of the cruelty of fostering 
 the good-for-nothing at the expense of the good. When 
 they enter a house empty of everything except filth, or see 
 a beggar in rags, their hearts and purses open. Professional 
 mendicants, understanding this, keep up the appearance of 
 poverty the " trappings and signs of woe." Not so the 
 hard-working and deserving poor. They may "have that 
 within which passeth show*' sad hearts and hungry 
 stomachs but they brush their threadbare clothes, polish 
 their soleless shoes, and do all in their power to keep up 
 appearances. 
 
 How often do we seem to ourselves to be keeping up 
 appearances in the best possible way when we are doing the 
 reverse ! We do not see ourselves as others see us. A 
 story is told of the painter Zeuxis, how he reproved a cer- 
 tain high priest of Great Diana of the Ephesians, who 
 discoursed of pictures in the artist's studio with so reckless 
 an audacity of ignorance, that the very lads who were 
 grinding colours could not refrain from giggling, whereupon 
 Zeuxis said to his too eloquent friend, "As long as you kept 
 from talking you were the admiration of these boys, who 
 were all wonder at your rich attire and the number of your 
 servants ; but now that you have ventured to expatiate upon 
 the arts of which you know nothing, they are laughing at 
 you outright." 
 
 Silence may hide ignorance, and often keeps up appear- 
 ances much better than speech. Denouncing the vapid 
 verbiage of shallow praters, Carlyle exclaims, " Even 
 N Triviality and Imbecility that can sit silent, how respectable 
 
KEEPING UP APPEARANCES. 115 
 
 are they in comparison ! " It was said of one who was 
 taken for a great man so long as he held his peace, " This 
 man might have been a councillor of state till he spoke ; 
 but having spoken, not the beadle of a ward." 
 
 " Oh, my Antonio, I do know of those, 
 That therefore only are reputed wise 
 For saying nothing." 
 
 There is often considerable difference of opinion as to 
 the best mode of keeping up appearances. A bricklayer 
 once came into a witness box to give evidence in his shirt- 
 sleeves. " Really, witness," said the judge, " you ought to 
 have made yourself more respectable-looking before coming 
 into court. You might at least have put on a coat." " My 
 lord," was the ready answer, "if it comes to that, I am just 
 as properly dressed as yourself. You came into court with 
 gown and wig, which are your working clothes, and I have 
 come in mine." 
 
 A dishonest keeping up of appearances in business is 
 becoming too common. If this continue, it will ruin Britain's 
 commercial reputation, and make her cease to be " Great." 
 "Go into any shop," said Carlyle to a friend, "and ye'll 
 find it all one enormous lie. The country is going to per- 
 dition at a frightful pace. I give it about fifty years to 
 accomplish its fall." Appearances are kept up, but things 
 are not what they seem. Shoddy is sold for good cloth. 
 Wines which are chemically composed in England keep up 
 the appearance of being the juice of grapes grown in France. 
 The prices marked on articles in shop windows are lower 
 
1 16 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 than those charged inside. " Great selling off sales at less 
 than cost price," where things are said to go for nothing, 
 and you are even promised a " present " with each purchase, 
 are, to speak plainly, humbug. The appearance of allowing 
 discount is kept up in some places by first adding to the 
 x price and then subtracting from it the supposed allowance. 
 
 It is true that buyers must share with sellers the respon- 
 sibility of " tricks in trade." If there are many " sharps " 
 in the world, it is because there are so many " flats." If 
 purchasers so far deceive themselves as to think that any- 
 thing is really cheap, and that " bargains " are possible, 
 shopkeepers will pretend to make great sacrifices, and try 
 to keep up the appearance of giving things for almost 
 nothing. Why should a thing be sold below its value ? A 
 really honest purchaser would refuse to accept an article at 
 a price less than he knows it to be worth. Those who 
 desire " bargains " have no right to complain if they are 
 themselves " sold " into the bargain. If every brick in the 
 flimsy houses that sham architecture is running up in our 
 large towns " is a lie," it is unfair to lay on the builders all 
 the blame. Supply is produced by demand. People with 
 small incomes insist upon having cheap houses in imitation 
 of a style which can only be built with good materials at a 
 considerable cost. They have their reward, and can rejoice 
 in keeping up appearances at the expense of damp walls, 
 smoky chimneys, and defective drainage. 
 
 " Nought shall make us rue, 
 If England to itself do rest but true." 
 
 On the other hand, when England or any other country 
 
KEEPING UP APPEARANCES. 117 
 
 becomes false, when so long as a thing looks well all is 
 considered well, when keeping up appearances is common 
 and putting conscience into work rare the land where this 
 has become " tyrant custom " is under a cloud, and from 
 out the cloud the voice of Eternal Justice will soon be heard 
 to thunder Ichabod, " The Glory is departed." Keeping 
 up appearances, when the truth is not in us, cannot last 
 very much longer than a child's game of make-believe. It 
 is hard to personate and act a part long ; for where truth is 
 not at the bottom, nature will always be endeavouring to 
 return, and will peep out and betray herself one time or 
 other. 
 
CHAPTER XIL 
 
 ABOUT READING. 
 
 " A natural turn for reading and intellectual pursuits probably pre- 
 served me from the moral shipwreck, so apt to befall those who are 
 deprived in early life of the paternal pilotage. At the very least, my books 
 kept me aloof from the ring, the dog-pit, the tavern, and the saloon, 
 with their degrading orgies. Later experience enables me to depose to 
 the comfort and blessing that literature can prove in seasons of sickness 
 and sorrow. . . . My burden has been greatly lightened by a load of 
 books. The manner of this will be best understood from a feline illus- 
 tration. Everybody has heard of the two Kilkenny cats, who devoured 
 each other ; but it is not so generally known that they left behind them 
 an orphan kitten, which, true to the breed, began to eat itself up, till it 
 was diverted from the operation by a mouse. Now, the human mind, 
 under vexation, is like that kitten, for it is apt to prey upon itself, unless 
 drawn off by a new object ; and none better for the purpose than a 
 book." Hood. 
 
 [ITHOUT deciding what are the hundred best 
 books, we may be quite sure that the man or 
 woman is happy who has a taste for reading. 
 It guards from low company and fleshly sin : 
 it smoothes the bed of sickness; it dries 
 insensibly the tears of bereavement; on a voyage it may 
 
ABOUT READING. 1 19 
 
 prevent our thinking of sea-sickness ; it beguiles the weary 
 hours of penal servitude ; it is, after true religion and love, 
 Heaven's best gift to man. Evil spirits, in the Middle Ages, 
 were driven away by " bell, book, and candle ; " you want 
 but two of these, the book and the candle. 
 
 Confucius described himself as a man who, ''in his eager 
 pursuit of knowledge, forgot his food; who, in his joy of its 
 attainment, forgot his sorrows, and did not even perceive that 
 old age was coming on." 
 
 "If," said Fendlon, "the riches of both Indies, if the 
 crowns of all the kingdoms of Europe were laid at my feet, 
 in exchange for my love of reading, I would spurn them all." 
 This love of reading is sometimes found in unexpected 
 quarters. Imagine the surprise of the librarian of the 
 Coventry Free Library when a chimney-sweep sends for the 
 first volume of Grote's " History of Greece." Is he justified 
 in putting a costly book into hands so far from clean ? Is 
 there any mistake as to the spelling of the subject ? His 
 anxiety is succeeded by relief when in due time the first 
 volume is returned without marks of any kind ; and by 
 surprise when the second and each of the twelve in suc- 
 cession is duly taken out and read " The true university 
 of these days is a collection of books," and there is no reason 
 why sweeps, like other respectable people, should not 
 graduate in it. Thanks to Free Libraries, and the greater 
 facilities that now exist for cheap publishing, the whole range 
 of English literature is open to almost any working man who 
 cares to get at it. And we think that the great readers of 
 the next generation will be, not our lawyers or doctors, 
 
120 MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 shopkeepers or manufacturers, but the labourer and mechanic. 
 The former work mainly with their heads, which are too 
 exhausted for reading, and whatever leisure time they have 
 must be devoted to air and exercise. The labourer and 
 mechanic, on the contrary, besides being occupied often tor 
 much shorter hours, have in their work-time taken sufficient 
 bodily exercise, and can therefore give any leisure they have 
 to reading and study. 
 
 Book readers, however, are few as compared with those 
 who read the newspaper. What an instrument of education 
 it is ! A nation with many papers and magazines must be 
 well informed, their circulation can almost be taken as an 
 exponent of its intelligence. Not only does a first-class 
 journal contain a record of events, but the best thought of 
 the day. What a noted man may say to-night to a small 
 audience, to-morrow will be read by millions all over the land. 
 The substance of whole volumes is published frequently long 
 before its appearance in book form. Much of the best poetry, 
 romance, biography, criticism, discussion of every subject and 
 information on every topic appears in our newspapers and 
 magazines ; and scholars and men of science, as well as 
 general readers, must read them or be left behind. 
 
 Loving reading ourselves, and rejoicing to see the habit 
 generally prevailing, we desire to point out certain faults and 
 weaknesses that ought to be guarded against by the " general 
 reader." The bad habit most commonly indulged in by 
 readers of the present day is what may be called book-tippling. 
 It is a vice as destructive of the health of our minds as taking 
 " nips " all through the day is of our bodily health. One 
 
ABOUT READING. 121 
 
 knows people who are heavy and stupid from undigested 
 learning as others are from overfulness. For the last few 
 years the annual production of new books in Great Britain 
 has been at the rate of from two to three thousand. How 
 many of all these must I read in order to keep abreast with 
 the age ? How shall I choose the good and refuse the evil 
 and worthless ? In reference to this enormous issue from 
 the teeming press, it is a consoling thought that many new 
 books may be passed over without any loss. Indeed we can 
 hardly read too little of them. They are not written by 
 thinkers, and therefore they cannot awaken thought. " There 
 ^re men," says Cervantes, " who will make you books and 
 turn them loose in the world with as much despatch as they 
 would a dish of fritters." Busy people, who have no time 
 for such reading, miss no instruction. 
 
 We would suggest that it is more improving to read a few 
 standard works, and to read them over and over until they 
 have entered into our souls, than to skim over all the new 
 books of the season only to discover from personal expe- 
 ience that they are not worth reading. Leave it to the 
 intellectually indolent to devour without digestion each 
 newest thing in literature. From the old familiar faces of a 
 few choice books that, like true friends, have made us more 
 enlightened and more hopeful, thinking minds will learn 
 most. Such a book should be always at hand to take up in 
 odd moments. If we only keep company with the best books 
 we shall have time to give an hour every day and as far as 
 possible it should be at the same hour to such reading, and 
 in reference to intellectual food, "a little at a time taker 
 
122 MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 regularly " is a good rule. It is, however, a great mistake, 
 when establishing a popular library, to choose books of too 
 thoughtful or solid a character. It is vain to go on the 
 principle of collecting books that people ought to read, and 
 afterwards trying to coax them to read them. The only 
 practical method is to begin by supplying books that people 
 already want to read and afterwards to do whatever shall be 
 found possible to elevate their reading tastes. A habit of 
 reading is more necessary than any particular line of reading, 
 because it is the one indispensable previous requisite. 
 
 Reading for display is a great hindrance to intellectual 
 progress. The genuine reader has very little sympathy with 
 those who look into books just to have to say that they read 
 them, who use them as some men do lords learn their titles 
 and then brag of their acquaintance. To such persons it is 
 as necessary that a book should be new as that it should be 
 bound in coloured cloth. Recommend to them the best 
 book that came out last year, and it will be deemed too 
 antiquated. They will say, "We had that long ago ; I want 
 a new book." They would as soon wear a coat of a pattern 
 fifty years old as read a book in the least old-fashioned. 
 Certainly reading from any motive is better than satisfied 
 ignorance, but to read for ostentation is a motive morally 
 and intellectually unsound. Morally, it is an affectation of 
 interest we do not feel. Intellectually, it is no more know- 
 ledge than what is " crammed " for an examination is know- 
 ledge. The conversation of a man who reads for improve- 
 ment or pleasure will be flavoured by his reading ; but it will 
 not be about his reading. 
 
ABOUT READING. 123 
 
 On no subject has the opinion of serious people changed 
 of late years more than on that of novel-reading. Religious 
 people, like Lord Macaulay's father, believed that it was 
 almost wicked to read even a good novel. In Trevelyan's 
 "Life of Lord Macaulay," these words of his sister are quoted 
 in reference to the books read in her father's household. 
 "Poetry and novels, except during Tom's holidays, were 
 forbidden in the daytime, and stigmatized as 'drinking 
 drams in the morning.'" Mr. Macaulay disapproved of 
 novel-reading, but, too indulgent to insist on having his own 
 way in any but essential matters, he lived to see himself the 
 head of a family in which novels were more read and better 
 remembered than in any household of the United Kingdom. 
 The first warning of the troubles that were in store for him 
 was an anonymous letter, addressed to him as editor of The 
 Christian Observer, defending works of fiction, and eulogiz- 
 ing Fielding and Smollett. This he incautiously inserted in 
 his periodical and brought down upon himself the most 
 violent objurgations from scandalized contributors, one of 
 whom informed the public that he had committed the 
 obnoxious number to the flames and should cease to take 
 in the magazine. 
 
 To read novels in the hours that should be devoted to 
 study or business is certainly as bad as drinking drams in 
 the morning. Most people, however, have now come to 
 the conclusion that, in their place, works of fiction are of 
 use in taking us out of ourselves, in showing us how others 
 live, in feeding those imaginative faculties which God has 
 given us to increase our enjoyment. The novel may be a 
 
124 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN. 9 
 
 blessing to those in distress as great as is chloroform. To 
 please is to serve ; and so far from its being difficult to 
 instruct while you amuse, it is difficult to do the one 
 thoroughly without the other. 
 
 But obeying the rule to " choose an author as we would 
 a friend," we should avoid those novels after reading which 
 we rise up worse rather than better men. The books to be 
 shunned are those which make us discontented with our lot 
 in life ; which induce us to think lightly of crime and sin by 
 giving nice names to ugly things; which suggest unclean 
 thoughts and rouse unholy passions which are profane and 
 irreverent. As the proof of the pudding is in the eating, so 
 it is from the effect that a book has on us that we can pro- 
 nounce it to be good or bad. What injury we may receive 
 from even a moment with a bad book ! 
 
 A lad once showed to another a book full of words and 
 pictures of impurity. He only had it in his hands for a few 
 moments. Later on in life he held high office in the 
 Church, and years and years afterwards told a friend that 
 he would have given half he possessed had he never seen it, 
 for its impure images, at the most holy times, would some- 
 times arise unbidden to his mind. 
 
 When one visits a large library like that of the British 
 Museum the enormous number of books bewilders. How, 
 we think, can they all be used ? If a reader were to go 
 from one book to another as a bee from flower to flower he 
 would gain very little knowledge. The mere book- taster is 
 as ignorant of literature as the globe-trotter is of the countries 
 through which he rushes just to have to say that he was 
 
ABOUT READING. 125 
 
 in them. When many books are at our disposal, the best 
 way is, discarding all other subjects, to read up that one in 
 which we are most interested. It is much more profitable 
 to read everything we can about something, than to read 
 something about everything. Each reader will perhaps 
 choose best his own method, but he who cannot be called a 
 methodical reader in any sense will remain 
 
 " " The bookful blockhead, ignorantly read, 
 
 With loads of learned lumber in his head." 
 
 And this plan of reading up one special subject of interest 
 at a time enables us to remember what we read. We retain 
 longest in memory what we attend to most, and our atten- 
 tion is seldom given where we are uninterested. This is 
 the element of truth in that advice of Dr. Johnson, which 
 should be carefully concealed from the ordinary schoolboy. 
 " For general improvement, a man should read whatever his 
 immediate inclination prompts him to ; though, to be sure, 
 if a man has a science to learn, he must regularly and 
 resolutely advance. What we read with inclination makes 
 a strong impression. If we read without inclination, half 
 the mind is employed in fixing the attention, so there is but 
 half to be employed on what we read." We should from 
 time to time make an analysis of the books we read. A 
 glance at this will recall to memory the substance of them. 
 Besides, if reading makes a " full man," writing is required 
 to make him " exact." After closing a book, if we attempt 
 to write an account of it we shall generally find that all we 
 have gained is a general impression. The habit of writing 
 
126 MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 notes and analyses of our reading teaches accuracy, by 
 forcing us to enter into particulars and avoid vague 
 generalities. 
 
 What to read ; how to read ; where to obtain books 
 these are very practical questions at the present time. 
 What is the use of teaching every one to read unless facility 
 for obtaining books and guidance in the choice of them are 
 also provided ? Indeed, if bad books and periodicals are 
 much more easily procured than wholesome ones, the spread 
 of education is a questionable advantage. Board Schools 
 must therefore be supplemented by the establishment of 
 free public libraries on a large scale. Nor are we from this 
 point of view to esteem less than very great benefactors of 
 our race those Apostles of Light who first introduced cheap 
 literature of an innocent, and reverse of " penny dreadful," 
 description. 
 
 Great readers ought to be on their guard against the' error 
 of despising and rejecting the many means of culture that 
 exist apart from books. Far too much value is often 
 attached to reading as a means of cultivation. Perhaps, 
 indeed, there were almost as many wise people when reading 
 was a rare accomplishment as there are now. When book- 
 writers did not think for " the people," probably more 
 persons thought for themselves. " Books," said Socrates, 
 "cannot be interrogated, cannot answer; therefore they 
 cannot teach. We can only learn from them what we knew 
 before." This may be an exaggerated statement, but the 
 truth it contains should be noted by those readers who 
 refuse to learn or believe anything unless they see it in print. 
 
ABO UT READING. 127 
 
 Is not this equivalent to shutting our own eyes and getting 
 another to see for us ? We should never despair of self- 
 culture, because we cannot be great readers, for experience 
 and observation, rather than books, are our best instructors. 
 
 A young lady who asked Carlyle what books she should 
 read received the following answer : " Read me, read 
 Goethe, and if you will be a good girl, and feel a call to do 
 so, read all the good books you can come at ; and carefully 
 avoid (like poison) all the bad, so far as you can discrimi- 
 nate them, which will be more and more, the more faithfully 
 you try. Happy is he (still more is she) who has got to 
 know a bad book by the very flavour, and to fly from it 
 (and from the base, vain, and unprofitable soul that wrote 
 it) as from a thing requiring to be left at once to leeward ! 
 And let me tell you further, pretty little Juliette, reading, 
 even of the best, is but one of the sources of wisdom, and 
 by no manner of means the most important. The most 
 important, all-including, is, that you love wisdom loyally in 
 your heart of hearts, and that wherever you learn from a 
 book or elsewhere a thing credibly wise, you don't lose time 
 in calling or thinking it ' wise/ but proceed at once to see 
 how, with your best discernment, energy, and caution, you 
 can manage to do it ! That is the rule of rules : that latter. 
 May your years be many, and bright with modest nobleness; 
 1 happy ' enough they will be in such case and so adieu, 
 my pretty child. Yours truly, T. CARLYLE." 
 
 We conclude with advice given by two very bookish men 
 on this subject of reading. "Books are pleasant," says 
 Montaigne, " but if by being over studious we impair our 
 
*28 MANNERS MAKYTH MAN. 9 
 
 health, and spoil our good-humour, two of the best pieces 
 we have, let us give it over ; I for my part am one of those 
 who think that no fruit derived from them can recompense 
 so great a loss." Lord Bacon well sums up in these words : 
 " Read not to contradict and confute, nor to believe and 
 take for granted, nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh 
 and consider. Some books are to be tasted, others to be 
 swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested ; that 
 is, some books are to be read only in parts ; others to be 
 read, but not curiously; and some few are to be read 
 wholly, and with diligence and attention." There is nothing 
 to add to this except that some books (probably including 
 the present one) are to be thrown into the fire. 
 
CHAPTER XIIL 
 
 CONVERSATION. 
 
 l< Would you both please, and be instructed too, 
 Watch well the rage of shining to subdue ; 
 Hear every man upon his favourite theme, 
 And ever be more knowing than you seem. 
 The lowest genius will afford some light*, 
 Or give a hint that had escaped your sight." 
 
 Stilling fleets 
 
 "It appears to me, that since I have been sitting here, I have heard 
 a great deal of vain and unprofitable conversation." Commencement 
 of Gobbet? s first speech in Parliament. 
 
 is frequently remarked that the art of con- 
 versation is lost ; that everything is printed 
 nowadays and nothing said ; that such good 
 talkers and good listeners as Dr. Johnson and 
 his friends are extinct creatures. We do not 
 think that these laments are justified. It is of course true 
 that the printing-press has in a measure superseded the 
 
 9 
 
J 30 MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 tongue, but not altogether ; for the living voice of man has 
 a power of charming and influencing that can never be exer- 
 cised by dead letters. It is true we do not now make a busi- 
 ness of conversation and stake our reputation on a mot, as did 
 Dr. Johnson's contemporaries; but perhaps this fact increases 
 rather than diminishes the charm of modern talk. It is 
 more simple and natural, less dogmatic and egotistical. In 
 our pleasant chats at afternoon teas and tennis-parties we 
 can well dispense with stilted lectures of the " Sir, said Dr. 
 Johnson" type. But though we are by no means destitute 
 of conversational powers, there are certain rules as regards 
 talking which should be better observed in our social inter- 
 course. First, we must distinguish between conversation 
 and talkativeness, which last is, according to Bishop Butler, 
 a "disposition to be talking, abstracted from the considera- 
 tion of what is said, with very little or no regard to, or 
 thought of doing, either good or harm." The good man's 
 patience almost forsakes him when he thinks of what he 
 has often had to endure from vain, empty, tiresome talkers, 
 who took advantage of his silence in order to indulge their 
 own loquacity. He thus speaks in his famous sermon on 
 the government of the tongue : 
 
 "The Wise Man observes that there is a time to speak 
 and a time to keep silence. One meets with people in the 
 world who seem never to have made the last of these obser- 
 vations. And yet these great talkers do not at all speak 
 from their having anything to say, as every sentence shows, 
 but only from their inclination to be talking. Their con- 
 versation is merely an exercise of the tongue; no other 
 
CONVERSATION. 131 
 
 human faculty has any share in it. It is strange these 
 persons can help reflecting that unless they have in truth a 
 superior capacity, and are in an extraordinary manner 
 furnished for conversation, if they are entertaining, it is at 
 their own expense. Is it possible that it should never come 
 into people's thoughts to suspect whether or no it be to 
 their advantage to show so very much of themselves ? ' O 
 that you would altogether hold your peace, and it should be 
 your wisdom/ " 
 
 It is said that Swift, at an evening party, on one occa- 
 sion retired to a corner of the room and commenced noting 
 down the talk of the company. Being asked what he was 
 doing, he produced the verbatim report of the conversation 
 which had just taken place. Each speaker felt lamentably 
 chagrined at the superficial and trifling character of his 
 utterances. But the conversation of great talkers is seldom 
 only superficial and trifling. A Frenchman, speaking of a 
 person known to his comrades, said, " His mouth costs him. 
 nothing, for he always opens it at the expense of others." 
 This is the natural consequence of talkativeness. As people 
 cannot go on for ever talking of nothing, when impersonal 
 matters are wanting, or are thought less piquant, they begin 
 to speak of persons, which means defamation, scandal, 
 divulging of secrets. Even when they speak well of any one, 
 these babblers do harm, for their exaggerated and fanciful 
 speech " destroys and perverts a certain equity of the utmost 
 importance to society to be observed namely, that praise 
 and dispraise, a good or bad character, should always be 
 bestowed according to desert." 
 
I 3 2 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 Nor are great talkers long before they swerve from truth, 
 or at least from strict accuracy of statement. When they 
 have exhausted their stock of facts they invent in order to 
 keep up the interest of their talk; and, when they have 
 heard the least imperfect hint, they add the circumstances 
 of time and place and other matters to make out their story, 
 and give the appearance of probability to it. In a row of 
 twelve houses, the lady at No. i mentioned at table one 
 day that her old friends, the Baileys, were coming in a few 
 days to see her. The servant at No. i told it in the after- 
 noon to the servant at No. 2 ; and the servant at No. 2 
 told it to the servant at No. 3, only changing the word 
 Baileys to bailiffs : " No. i are expecting the bailiffs soon." 
 It is always easy to find reasons for anything; so Nos. 4 
 and 5 gave the explanation : it was because the master of 
 No. i was so dreadfully extravagant. But extravagance is 
 not generally a solitary sin, so the servants at Nos. 6 and 7 
 had no difficulty in making the slight addition that he 
 treated his wife so badly. No. 8 reported that the wife 
 was very ill, and when the report got to No. 12 the bailiffs 
 were said to have arrived and taken full possession. And the 
 remains of so tragic a story every imaginative reader can 
 finish for himself. 
 
 It is far safer, then, to avoid personalities in our conversa- 
 tion. But this is by no means an easy thing to do ; for the 
 love of personalities is almost universal a love seen in the 
 child who asks you to tell him a story, meaning thereby some- 
 body's adventure ; a love testified by the interest adults take 
 in reading biographies; a love gratified by police reports 
 
CONVERSATION. 133 
 
 court news, divorce cases, accounts of accidents, and lists of 
 births, marriages, and deaths ; a love displayed even by 
 conversations in the street, where fragments of dialogue 
 heard in passing show that mostly between men, and always 
 between women, the personal pronouns recur every instant. 
 Having this lively interest in our neighbours' affairs, we can 
 with difficulty avoid gossiping about them. But the habit 
 is nevertheless dangerous. It creates enemies, and separates 
 friends. We meet an acquaintance in the street from whom 
 we parted but yesterday on the most friendly terms. We 
 wonder why we are passed by with an infinitesimally small 
 nod of acknowledgment, or perhaps with no recognition at 
 all. If we deem it worth while to investigate the cause of 
 this coldness, we shall generally discover that some one has 
 been biassing the mind of our friend against us. A few 
 rash words will set a family, a neighbourhood, a nation by 
 the ears ; they have often done so. Half the lawsuits and 
 half the wars have been brought about by talking about 
 people instead of about things. " Where no wood is, there 
 the fire goeth out: so where there is no tale-bearer, the 
 strife ceaseth." 
 
 This sort of personal talk is not only wrong but stupid. 
 It is generally indulged in by persons devoid of brains, 
 education, and culture. People who read and think, prefer 
 to talk of ideas and things. They live in a high intellectual 
 atmosphere, where chit-chat about their neighbours' incomes, 
 quarrels, dress, and servants the little wearisome jealousies 
 
 of Mr. or Mrs. A in reference to Mr. or Mrs. B 
 
 does not enter. 
 
134 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 The temptation to sin against good-nature and good taste 
 in conversation for the sake of raising a laugh and gaining 
 admiration is a very strong one in the case of those who 
 have been gifted with wit and humour. But it is the abuse 
 of these noble gifts rather than their use that leads astray, 
 On this point we may quote the following words : " When 
 wit," says Sydney Smith, "is combined with sense and 
 information ; when it is softened by benevolence and re- 
 strained by principle ; when it is in the hands of a man 
 who can use it and despise it ; who can be witty, and some- 
 thing more than witty ; who loves honour, justice, decency, 
 good-nature, morality,, and religion ten thousand times better 
 than wit wit is then a beautiful and delightful part of our 
 nature." 
 
 If we would be agreeable and improving companions, we 
 must be good listeners as well as good talkers, and carefully 
 observe certain occasions of silence. "The occasions of 
 silence," says Bishop Butler, " are obvious namely, when 
 a man has nothing to say, or nothing but what is better 
 unsaid ; better either in regard to some particular persons 
 he is present with, or from its being an interruption to con- 
 versation of a more agreeable kind ; or better, lastly, with 
 regard to himself." 
 
 Nowhere is there room for the display of good manners 
 so much as in conversation. It is a part of good manners 
 not to talk too much. Remembering that the first syllable 
 of the word conversation is con (with), that it means talking 
 with another, we should abstain from lecturing, and be as 
 ready to listen as to talk. Our anecdote or sharp reply will 
 
CONVERSATION. 135 
 
 keep, or need not find utterance at all ; so we are not under 
 the necessity of interrupting our companion, and voting him 
 by our looks a bore, or at least an interruption to our own 
 much better remarks. But besides the rule, that we should 
 not be impatient to get in our word, that a few brilliant 
 flashes of silence should occur in our conversation, another rule 
 is, not to take for our theme ourselves. We must remem- 
 ber that, as a rule, we and our concerns can be of no more im- 
 portance to other men than they and their concerns are to us. 
 Every one will understand from painful experience what 
 is meant by a bore, though it is not very easy to describe 
 the creature. A bore is a heavy, pompous, meddling person 
 who harps on one string, occupies an undue share of con- 
 versation, and says things in ten words which required only 
 two ; all the time being evidently convinced that he is 
 making a great impression. " It is easy," says Sydney 
 Smith, " to talk of carnivorous animals and beasts of prey ; 
 but does such a man, who lays waste a whole party of 
 civilized beings by prosing, reflect upon the joys he spoils 
 and the misery he creates in the course of his life ? and that 
 any one who listens to him through politeness, would prefer 
 toothache or earache to his conversation ? Does he con- 
 sider the extreme uneasiness which ensues when the com- 
 pany have discovered a man to be an extremely absurd 
 person, at the same time that it is absolutely impossible to 
 convey to the terrible being, by words or manner, the most 
 distant suspicion of the discovery? And then, who punishes 
 this bore ? What sessions and what assizes for him ? When 
 the judges have gone their vernal and autumnal rounds, the 
 
136 MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 sheep-slealer disappears, the swindler has been committed 
 to penal servitude. But after twenty years of crime, the 
 bore is discovered in the same house, in the same attitude, 
 eating the same soup, still untried, unpunished." 
 
 A youthful compositor, in setting some " copy," came to 
 
 the sentence : " didn't say a word for an hour," the first 
 
 word having been cut off in clipping from the paper where it 
 first appeared. He took it to the foreman to supply the word. 
 " What shall I put in there ? " he asked, when the foreman 
 read it. " Put in ' he,' of course ; you don't suppose ' she ' 
 would fit in such a sentence as that, do you ? " was the 
 answer. 
 
 In all ages, women's conversation has been made a subject 
 for ridicule. They are said to talk too much, to have 
 venomous spiteful tongues, to be addicted to nagging, to 
 disdain argumentation and even sense in their talk. For 
 ourselves we believe that the sins of the tongue are com- 
 mitted about equally by both sexes. Of course women have 
 more talking to do than men have, for social intercourse is 
 mainly indebted to them for its existence. And their desire 
 to please in society may sometimes tempt women to talk too 
 much j if, indeed, there can be too much of conversation 
 so sympathetic, humorous, and full of nice distinctions as 
 is that of women whom all agree to call "charming." Let 
 not the cynic, who, if he has himself never said a foolish 
 thing, has perhaps never done a wise one, quote, in reference 
 to the conversation of such women, Pope's lines : 
 
 " Words are like leaves; and where they most abound, 
 Much fruit of sense beneath is rarely found." 
 
CONVERSATION. 137 
 
 What are and what are not " women's rights," is a point 
 much disputed ; but that it is their duty to cultivate the art 
 of conversation, none will question. But as the hearts of 
 women are kind and sympathetic, so have they no excuse 
 for crushing little sensibilities, violating little proprieties, 
 and overlooking little discriminations ; in a word, for com- 
 mitting those faults which make the conversation of ill- 
 natured people so dispiriting and painful. 
 
 The aim of every talker should be never to be long and 
 never to be wrong. And the only way we can approximate 
 to this perfection of sociableness is to cultivate both our 
 heads and hearts. The conversation of really cultured 
 people is never vulgar and never empty ; more than this, it 
 is free from envy, hatred, and all uncharitableness. 
 
CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 OUR SHAKESPERIAN READINGS. 
 
 "The Play's the thing." Hamlet, Act ii. Sc. 2. 
 
 " Well spoken ; with good accent, and good discretion." 
 
 HE conversation of the society of a provincial 
 town, such as that in which I am now writ- 
 ing, is too often stale, flat, and unprofitable. 
 It is stale and flat because we live in little 
 sets, seeing the same faces every day, and 
 using nearly the same words. And our words are very 
 often unprofitable, and even mischievous, because they are, 
 as a rule, spoken in reference to persons. It is a garrison 
 town, and the writer lives in a military set. Here, scarcely 
 anything is talked of except personalities. A regiment is 
 such a small world, that it is impossible to indulge in the 
 luxury of privacy. Every one knows too much of every one. 
 The amount of money possessed by each officer, and the 
 last new dress of his wife, are as well known to his com- 
 panions as the regimental facings. At last we wearied of 
 
OUR SHAKESPER1AN READINGS. 139 
 
 grinding out the same tunes, as on a barrel organ, about our 
 neighbours' concerns. Rightly or wrongly, we fancied we 
 had a small amount of intellectual power over and above 
 that possessed by an organ-grinder's monkey. " Why, then," 
 we ask ourselves, "should our visits to each other be so 
 wearisome and so unworthy of cultured, or even of half- 
 cultured, beings ? " We had, of course, all read Shakespere 
 in our youth ; but might it not be as well to read again the 
 " myriad-minded poet " ? One lady, who had some organiz- 
 ing ability, started a Shakesperian reading-club. 
 
 In this chapter we propose to give an account of our 
 struggles towards the light of rational sociability, out of the 
 wearisome darkness of tittle-tattle gossiping. In large cities 
 mental food can easily be obtained. We desire to encourage 
 those who live in small provincial towns and country places 
 to make bricks, even without straw to endeavour to amuse 
 and edify one another, even though they live far from any 
 great centre of culture and education. 
 
 Only six persons were present at our first reading. Many 
 others promised to come, but at the last moment their 
 courage failed them. " They never could read aloud. They 
 would come and listen ; but for anything else they were 
 quite afraid to venture." Nor was this diffidence surprising 
 when we considered how much neglected is the art of read- 
 ing aloud, than which no accomplishment is more social and 
 eminently useful. " Hamlet " was the first play operated 
 upon. Two members of the club made a selection of the 
 parts to be read, taking care that their "elegant extracts" 
 could be read in about two hours. 
 
"MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 After a good deal of tittering on the part of the first 
 readers we got fairly started, and the reading was so much 
 better than we expected, that " to be, or not to be " was no 
 longer the question with our club, especially after that 
 soliloquy had been very effectively given. When half the 
 play was read through, we had tea and talk for ten minutes. 
 During this time, jokes were made about the ghost 
 " Alas, poor ghost ! " and different opinions put forward as 
 to the correct emphasis to be given to the several words in 
 
 the line 
 
 " To be, or not to be ; that is the question." 
 
 The conversation that occupied these ten minutes was 
 very good. The readers had been bottled up, so to speak, 
 and when they did give vent to their thoughts and feelings, 
 it was in a sparkling, lively flow of talk. Our reading sup- 
 plied a text from which we considerably departed, for we 
 discussed many subjects for the most part, however, as 
 became rational beings, which would not have been the case 
 if there had been only talking and no reading. 
 
 Our reading party met every week at the houses of the 
 several members. From the small beginning already men- 
 tioned it has become greatly enlarged, and three other 
 Shakesperian Readings (suggested by our experiment) have 
 been started in the neighbourhood, and there is a percep- 
 tible improvement in the society of our town. People have 
 something else than mere talk to occupy them when they 
 meet their friends. Vulgar gossip about neighbours' con- 
 cerns is less indulged in, and reputations no longer die at 
 every word, wink, and nod. Boswell was, according to Dr. 
 
OUR SHAKESPERIAN READINGS. 141 
 
 Johnson, " the best travelling companion in the world." 
 For such a purpose, readiness to make talk at all hazards is 
 a high recommendation. " If, sir, you were shut up in a 
 castle and a new-born baby with you, what would you do ? " 
 is one of his questions to Johnson, a propos of nothing. 
 Those who have not this capacity for talking about nothing 
 will appreciate Shakesperian Readings as being helps at any 
 rate to keep the ball of society rolling without having to 
 make talk at all hazards themselves. Occasionally recitations 
 from Tennyson are given by different members, and charades 
 have been substituted at some houses for readings. The 
 end aimed at is to raise social intercourse to a higher level 
 by giving people something besides gossip to think and 
 speak of. We hear much of the elevation of the working 
 classes ; but those who have been gifted with social talents 
 are greatly to blame if they never exert themselves to make 
 society in the middle class a little more bright and innocent. 
 It is a great mistake to suppose that a person must be rich 
 in order to become a social influence. Certainly fashionable 
 dinner parties are expensive, but there are less formal, and 
 therefore more friendly, ways of seeing one's friends, open 
 to people of very limited incomes. We ourselves know 
 mistresses of houses whose pleasure it is to bring young 
 people together, to break up cliques, to be, in a word, 
 centres of social influence, and this they do at no greater 
 expense than the cost of a few pounds of tea and coffee, and 
 of sweet cakes in the year. These ladies have enough 
 brains, tact, and sociability to make their entertainments 
 pleasant with scarcely any other outlay than that of good- 
 
142 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 nature and good-humour. The feasts of reason and flow of 
 soul at the Saturday afternoon " teas," and Monday Shake- 
 
 sperian Readings of Mrs. , the leader and inspirer of 
 
 society in the provincial town of , are like good words 
 
 " worth much and cost little." 
 
CHAPTER XV. 
 
 TIPPLING. 
 
 " Reader, attend whether thy soul 
 Soars fancy's flights beyond the pole, 
 Or darkling grubs this earthly hole 
 
 In low pursuit, 
 Know, prudent, cautious, self-control^ 
 
 Is wisdom's root." 
 Concluding Verse of JBtirns* Epitaph. 
 
 "Temperance puts wood on the fire, meat in the barrel, flour in the 
 tub, money in the purse, credit in the country, clothes on the bairns, 
 intelligence in the brain, and spirit in the constitution." Franklin. 
 
 ]EAN RAMSAY, in his ' Reminiscences of 
 Scottish Life," tells us of an old laird who, 
 in the evil days of three-bottle men, expressed 
 himself with g^eat indignation at the charge 
 brought again:, t hard drinking that it had 
 actually killed people. " Na, na, I never knew anybody 
 
144 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 killed wi' drinking, but I hae kend some that deed in the 
 training." Was this old reprobate drawing a distinction 
 without a difference, or did he mean by " the training " the 
 habit of tippling ? If so, he certainly was not wrong in 
 attributing to it deadly effects. 
 
 The question, " Are we better than our fathers ? " as re- 
 gards the vice of drunkenness, is a very difficult one to 
 answer. Certainly, we may congratulate ourselves on not 
 sitting down as did our grandfathers, with the deliberate 
 intention of drinking ourselves under the table. " How 
 barbarous ! " is our instinctive remark on reading the 
 accounts of dinner parties given fifty years ago in Scotland, 
 at which a servant attended whose appointed duty it was 
 "to loose the cravats" of guests who should fall victims to 
 intoxication, 'in fear of apoplexy or suffocation, and from 
 which the dead drunk, since they could not go to bed on 
 their "ain feet," were carried to their apartments on the 
 shoulders of stalwart highlanders; or of that enterprising 
 publican in London who went so far as to invite custom by 
 placing on his signboard words which not only indicated 
 the cheapness and abundance of the supply of drink, but 
 testified a tender and thoughtful consideration for the 
 comfort of his guests when reduced to that state which 
 the policeman designates as incapable. They were as 
 follows ; 
 
 Drunk for \d. 
 
 Dead drunk for zd. 
 
 Clean straw for nothing! 
 
TIPPLING. 145 
 
 Happily we do not live in such an age of hard drinking, 
 but most unhappy are those who become victims of the 
 habit of tippling, or petty but perpetual drinking drinking 
 such as is indicated by the terrible playfulness of the fol- 
 lowing expressions : " Taking something," " having a nip," 
 " wetting the bargain," "piling the agony." 
 
 In many respects tippling is quite as detrimental to health 
 as hard drinking. Perhaps, indeed, a debauch on occasions 
 is less injurious than the habit of taking "something "every 
 time we fancy that we "need something" for the illness 
 called in the disgusting slang of topers, " hot coppers " 
 which follows a "regular bend," becomes a safety valve by 
 means of which the alcoholic poison may be partially re- 
 moved from the system. Then, again, the habit of tippling 
 is far more deceptive than that of hard drinking. The 
 drunkard cannot be mistaken about himself; but the tippler 
 whose boast it is that he never was drunk in his life, that he 
 can "carry his liquor," that he never was the worse for it 
 this man falls an easy prey by reason of his thoughtless 
 security to that habit which " first draws, then drags, and 
 then hauls." Thousands commit suicide by a process of 
 drink poisoning who never have been intoxicated them- 
 selves, and who consider drunkards the chief of sinners. 
 The social man sees no danger in taking a "half one " at the 
 invitation of one after another of his acquaintances. It is 
 true he does not care for it ; but he is easy-going, wants to 
 be friendly, and does not like to appear stiff. " How can 
 there be danger," thinks the invalid, "in what my phy- 
 sician prescribes? and then it makes me feel so much 
 
 10 
 
146 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 
 
 better." The man of genius detects no poison in that 
 which seems a spring of inspiration. The overwo/rked can 
 see no harm in giving a fillip to their jaded energies. In- 
 temperance comes with noiseless step, and binds its first 
 cords with a touch too light to be felt Hard brain-workers 
 and foolish medical men ought to ponder on the following 
 words quoted from Harriet Martineau's "Autobiography." 
 A clergyman had been speaking to her about the habit of 
 relieving the tear and wear of authorship with pernicious 
 stimulants. " Why, I do not," said I. " Fresh air and cold 
 water are my stimulants." " I believe' you," he replied. 
 " But you work in the morning ; and there is much in that." 
 I then remembered that when, for a short time, I had to 
 work at night, a physician who called upon me observed 
 that I must not allow myself to be exhausted at the end of 
 the day. He would not advise any alcoholic wine; but 
 any light wine that I liked might do me good. ' * You have 
 a cupboard there at your hand," said he. " Keep a bottle 
 of hock and a wine-glass there, and help yourself when you 
 feel you want it." " No, thank you," said I. " If I took 
 wine, it should not be when alone ; nor would I help my- 
 self to a glass. I might take a little more and a little more, 
 till my solitary glass might become a regular tippling habit " 
 (vol. i. p. 193). This foolish physician reminds us of 
 another who said to a man, "You ought to take a little 
 champagne." "Why?" he asked. "Well, you are very 
 tall, and you are very bald, and the top of your head is 
 necessarily cold, and you need some stimulus to send the 
 blood to the top of your head." 
 
TIPPLING. 147 
 
 In reference to tippling, we might parody two well-known 
 lines from " Macbeth " : 
 
 " Another, and another, and another, 
 Creeps in each little glass from day to day." 
 
 Instead of carefully measuring our liquor so as to confine 
 ourselves to what is good, or, at least, not bad for us, we 
 fall into the snare against which Miss Martineau was on her 
 guard the snare of taking a little more and a little more, 
 till our solitary glass becomes a regular tippling habit. 
 " There is another fallacy," said Dr. Richardson, " con- 
 nected with moderate drinking, and that is its undefinability." 
 What is moderate drinking ? What is a moderate dose of 
 the " devil in solution " ? I have asked this question of a 
 great many people, and I have written down a few notes of 
 certain persons who declare themselves very moderate. I 
 will not give names, but I will put them down as B, C, and 
 D. B is a moderate man, and, what is more, he is a rigidly 
 regular man. He takes one pint of malt liquor at lunch ; 
 he takes half a pint of wine regularly at dinner, and he takes 
 one or two whiskies at bed-time. I find that represents 
 six ounces of alcohol ; and then I turn to the physiological 
 side of the question, and I find the alcohol does this 
 for the man it makes his heart beat 18,000 times a day 
 beyond what it ought to do, and it makes that unfortu- 
 nate heart raise what would be equivalent to nineteen 
 extra tons weight one foot from the earth. That is the 
 effect of his moderation. I turn to another moderate man, 
 who says he is " very moderate." He tells me he takes one 
 
148 " MANNERS MAR YTH MAN? 
 
 pint of cooper a mixture of stout and bitter ale in the 
 course of the day, if he feels flagging ; a pint of claret at 
 dinner for that he considers the soundest wine and a 
 couple of glasses of sherry or port with dessert. That man 
 takes at least four ounces of alcohol a day, the physiological 
 effect of which is to force his heart to 12,000 extra beats, 
 and to make it do about fourteen foot tons of extra work. 
 I pass to another man, who is called " a very, very mode- 
 rate drinker." He takes two glasses of sherry at luncheon 
 and one pint of claret at dinner. That would represent 
 three ounces of alcohol, and would give 10,000 extra strokes 
 to the heart and nine extra foot tons of work. 
 
 At a review at Aldershot two foreign princes, not know- 
 ing their way, drove up to a sentry and asked, " Do you 
 know where the Prince of Wales or the Duke of Cambridge 
 is ? " " No, sir," replied Thomas Atkins ; " I don't know 
 myself, but I'll ask my mate. He knows all the public- 
 houses about here." Yes, and we have no doubt that the 
 " mate " considers himself a moderate man, and not at all 
 a drunkard. 
 
 A chaplain in the convict service thus writes in his " Life 
 among Convicts " : 
 
 " I once asked a prisoner what he was in for. 
 
 " * Manslaughter,' was the reply. 
 
 " ' Who was the man you killed ? ' 
 
 " ' It was a woman, sir.' 
 
 " c Who was the woman ? ' 
 
 " ' My wife ; but it was a family matter, and interfered 
 with no one but myself' " 
 
TIPPLING. 149 
 
 The reasoning of this convict is surely no worse than 
 that of tipplers who object to all remonstrance on the 
 ground that " it interferes with no one but ourselves." We 
 cannot tipple ourselves without becoming the cause of tip- 
 pling in others. The habit is most infectious. We seldom 
 originate it ourselves. It is caught, like a fever, from some 
 one else. One man infects another. Good fellowship and 
 social bonhomie hand this subtle, serpentine, insidious 
 alcohol round the friendly circle for the sake of laughing 
 and playing with its brightness. 
 
 A very sad example of the danger that may be latent in 
 a " friendly glass " was given the other evening in my hear- 
 ing by a popular bishop. " I wonder," said his lordship, 
 " whether a man ever recovers who has had an attack of 
 delirium tremens ? One case I remember that bears on 
 the point. The man I am thinking of was a well-to-do 
 tradesman, but he was fast ruining himself and his family by 
 intemperance. I first saw him when recovering from an 
 attack of delirium tremens. Some words of mine had such 
 weight with him that he resolved to abstain entirely. Years 
 went by, and not a drop of intoxicating liquor entered his 
 mouth. Six, seven, eight years passed, and his resolution 
 remained unbroken. On the anniversary of the eighth sober 
 year, his friends, thinking the reformation complete, resolved 
 to give a dinner in his honour. A family circle, rendered 
 happy by the temperance of its head, received the congra- 
 tulations of intimate friends. But it was a feast of deadly 
 wine. Healths were proposed, and he who was being 
 honoured was told that 'to drink his own health in one 
 
1 50 MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 glass could certainly do him no harm after totally abstaining 
 for eight years.' He drank the glass, and two years after- 
 wards I was called in to visit a poor drunkard who was on 
 his deathbed by reason of that one ' friendly glass. 5 " As 
 the taste of blood rouses the tiger, so did this single glass 
 rouse the evil spirit of intemperance in this poor victim of 
 careless hospitality. 
 
 Silly boys sometimes fancy that it is a manly thing to 
 tipple, but now it would seem to have become a sadly 
 womanly habit. Many women have not enough interests 
 in life, and the eternal curse of a do-nothing existence is, 
 that its victims are compelled to think of themselves. As 
 a relief from this state, certain " pick-me-ups " that are not 
 what they seem, are coquetted with. The delicacy, too, of 
 their physical organizations exposes women to inequalities 
 of feeling which tempt to the seductive relief given by 
 tippling. Strong men who disbelieve in "nerves" little 
 know what the sensitive frame of woman suffers, how many 
 desponding imaginations throng on her in her solitudes, 
 how often she is exhausted by unremitting cares, and how 
 much the power of self-control is impaired by repeated 
 derangements of her frail system. A few years ago 5,131 
 women only think of that, and of all the hideous degrada- 
 tion, all the unspeakable horror which it implies ! were 
 arrested for drunkenness in Middlesex alone. But we are 
 speaking of invisible rather than of visible drinking; of 
 tippling, not of drunkenness. The women we are thinking 
 of are not known to tipple except by those whose lives they 
 are cursing. But these may ask with heartfelt sadness 
 
TIPPLING. 151 
 
 " When lovely woman stoops to folly, 
 
 And finds too late that ' nips ' betray, 
 
 What charm can soothe her melancholy ? 
 
 What art can wash her guilt away ? " 
 
 Man has been defined as "a two-legged animal, with 
 broad nails, and without feathers." A better definition 
 would seem to be " an animal that drinks without eating 
 that drinks without being thirsty." Such a description 
 would completely distinguish him from a brute, for no brute 
 is so foolish as to do that. Never let us drink except at 
 meals. The "doctor," or morning "pick-me-up," can only 
 be called by such names in bitter irony, as it kills and lets 
 down the system, while " nightcaps " will certainly bid those 
 who habitually don them a very long " good-night." We 
 should never drink spirits neat, and carelessness in pouring 
 them unmeasured into a glass has made many a drunkard. 
 Those drinks that contain least alcohol, such as malt 
 liquors, claret, hock, are of course the most harmless. 
 
 Above all, let us realize the truism that it can be no part 
 of friendship to tempt a weak brother to drown himself in 
 alcoholic perdition, or to say "Yes" ourselves to every 
 "fool's" "What will you drink?" It is most unmannerly 
 for " those winks and finger-ends " we dread to be " notice 
 taking" on our making the not very terrible observation 
 that "we only drink water." Those who are at liberty to 
 drink should allow others the liberty of not drinking. But 
 this privilege is not granted to the young man who is pressed 
 to take * ' something " by his elders, whose wavering resolu- 
 tion is conquered with a grin. Hence, in the name of 
 
1 52 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 everything earnest and serious, with those glozing pet names 
 forged in hell to conceal the exceeding sinfulness of drunken- 
 ness. Why laugh at extinguishing reason and divesting 
 ourselves for a time of moral nature ? Talk of intemperance 
 before the young as a mere "going on the spree," and 
 "having a bend," and they will never think that the 
 drunkard's sin consists in putting out the light of under- 
 standing and conscience within him, abandoning his rank 
 among God's rational creatures, and taking his place among 
 brutes. Let temperance, and not intemperance, be always 
 on the laughing side in our thoughts and words. 
 
 When using this always dangerous luxury, we should 
 reflect that children and servants will do as they see their 
 elders and "betters" doing. "In all time of our tribula- 
 tion, in all time of our wealth," let us ask God to deliver 
 us from the temptation either of drowning sorrow in the 
 coward's cup or of relieving in the same way the ennui that 
 so often burdens people in so-called " easy circumstances." 
 When exhausted with work or pleasure we ought never to 
 use alcoholic drinks, for the interest charged by nature for 
 loans of artificial strength amounts to usury. Drawing 
 cheques on a bank can never be the same thing as making 
 deposits. 
 
 Lastly, we would recommend even moderate drinkers to 
 ask themselves, " Would I not be as well with less ? " If 
 to this question they give an honest answer, they will let 
 their daily allowance of strong drink become "small by 
 degrees and beautifully less." There are excellent substi- 
 tutes, such as tea, coffee, milk the most nourishing of 
 
TIPPLING. 153 
 
 beverages chocolate, cocoa, beaten-up eggs, lime juice. 
 This last is sometimes pleasant after smoking, and all the 
 list might be resorted to at choice, when at the customary 
 tippling hours we feel a " want of something." Many a 
 young fellow tipples who does not care about doing so. 
 Any liquor would do for him, even ink, for he only takes 
 " something " from habit or for companionship. 
 
 We sometimes speak as if labouring and uneducated 
 people were alone in danger, and as if we ourselves had 
 no interest in the cause of temperance. But the fact is, 
 all classes are in danger. The young are exposed to in- 
 temperance, for youth wants forethought, and loves excite- 
 ment. Nor are the old secure, for age unnerves the mind 
 as well as the body, and silently steals away the power of 
 self-control. The idle are in scarcely less peril than the 
 overworked labourer, for the excitement of intoxicating 
 draughts is greedily sought as an escape from the intolerable 
 weariness of having nothing to do. Men of a coarse cha- 
 racter see nothing in the brutality of intemperance to disgust 
 them. Nor is cultivated genius less tempted, mental action 
 being even more exhausting than the toil of the hands. 
 The enemy is a common one, and gives no quarter; should 
 there not therefore be a common resistance ? 
 
 It is true, as those who speak and write against tippling 
 and other sins connected with drinking are frequently re- 
 minded it is true that gluttony is quite as bad as drunken- 
 ness, and that in our day it is perhaps more common. It is 
 a sad fact that many destroy all the higher gifts of intellect, 
 brutalize their passions and coarsen every fibre both of body 
 
154 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 and soul by over-eating. Cowardly dread of appearing 
 singular, false notions of politeness, the ridicule of fools, 
 pampered appetite, make us eat and drink not to the glory 
 of God, but to His dishonour. Let us not be like the clown 
 in "All's Well that Ends Well," who said, "I will show 
 myself highly fed and lowly taught." Rather, we should 
 remember, that what we leave at table often does us more 
 good than what we eat ; and, that if we eat little, we shall 
 probably eat much : that is to say, we shall live longer than 
 great eaters, and so eat more. It is a very natural sequence 
 that a man should take to his bier after having been ale-ing 
 for months, but it is quite as natural that he should do so 
 who eats more than is " convenient " for him. 
 
CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 "MONEY is CHARACTER." 
 
 " Seek not proud riches but such as thou mayest get justly, use 
 soberly, distribute cheerfully, and leave contentedly." Bacon. 
 
 " Be ye good money changers." Old Maxim. 
 
 JVER treat money affairs with levity money 
 is character." It is to be feared that many 
 neglect this wise caution, and do not put 
 conscience into the making and the spending 
 of money. One reason for this, perhaps, 
 is that in their preaching, if not in their practice, moralists 
 have ignored money and failed to teach its right use. But 
 is it not the root of all evil ? Certainly not, and St. Paul 
 never said so. What he did say was that a love of money 
 is not the root, but a root (Revised Version), from which 
 evil comes, as it comes from everything else when wrongly 
 used. 
 
156 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 Such being the case, how absurd does it seem to disparage 
 money, as if it were something sinful and dangerous. As 
 well disparage man-power, horse-power, steam-power, or 
 any other power. As a force, money is neither hurtful nor 
 beneficial, neither bad nor good in itself. All depends on the 
 way in which it is used or directed. Gunpowder can blast 
 a quarry and bring forth stones with which an hospital may 
 be built ; but the same gunpowder can blow thousands of 
 men into eternity in a single day. A rich man, if he be 
 unselfish, has in his wealth the power of making his fellow- 
 creatures less coarse, less depraved, and, as a consequence, 
 less miserable. From the vantage-ground of high position 
 he can fight a chivalrous battle for the afflicted and him 
 that hath no helper. His good example will have far more 
 effect than that of a poorer man. His influence, if directed 
 to good and merciful objects, is as powerful for good as that 
 of the selfish rich man is for the reverse. " Nobody should 
 be rich," said Goethe, " but those who understand it." But 
 when a man owns gracefully and usefully, what good may 
 he not do in the way of opening a path for others, and 
 giving them access to whatever civilizing agencies he may 
 himself possess ! Therefore we can understand how both 
 religion and philanthropy may treat with respect and even 
 with reverence the motto, " Put money in thy purse." May 
 we not even say that it is the desire to "get on" and to 
 become rich that prevents our sinking into barbarism ? 
 
 " There is always a reason in the man" says Emerson, 
 " for his good or bad fortune, and so in making money." 
 This rule is not without exceptions, for now and then people 
 
"MONEY IS CHARACTER." 157 
 
 do become rich by lucky or even by dishonest " hits ; " never- 
 theless money is in the main representative. Show me a 
 man who has made fifty thousand pounds, and I will show 
 you in that man an equivalent of energy, attention to detail, 
 trustworthiness, punctuality, professional knowledge, good 
 address, common sense, and other marketable qualities. The 
 farmer respects his yellow sovereigns not unnaturally, for 
 they declare with all the solemnity of a sealed and stamped 
 document that for a certain length of time he rose at six 
 o'clock each morning to oversee his labourers, that he 
 patiently waited upon seasonable weather, that he understood 
 buying and selling. To the medical man, his fee serves as 
 a medal to indicate that he was brave enough to face small- 
 pox and other infectious diseases, and his self-respect is 
 fostered thereby. The barrister's brief is marked with the 
 price of his legal knowledge, of his eloquence, or of his 
 brave endurance during a period of hope-deferred briefless- 
 ness. 
 
 But besides its usefulness and its being the representative 
 of sterling qualities, the golden smile of Dame Fortune is 
 to be sought for the invaluable privilege of being indepen- 
 dent, or at least being out of the horrid incumbrance of 
 indebtedness. A man in debt is so far a slave ; while it is 
 comparatively easy for one possessed of ten thousand per 
 annum to be true to his word, to be a man of honour, to 
 have the courage of his opinions. When a man or woman 
 is driven to the wall, the chances of goodness surviving 
 self-respect and the loss of public esteem are frightfully 
 diminished. 
 
1 58 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 But while striving to escape from the physical suffering 
 and the mental and moral disadvantages that attend the lot 
 of poverty, \ve should admit to ourselves the fact, that there 
 are hardly less disadvantages and temptations ready to make 
 us miserable, if we are not on our guard after attaining to a 
 reasonable amount of wealth. In a meeting assembled to 
 make arrangements for Mr. Moody's last preaching campaign 
 in London, one of the speakers expressed his hope that Mr. 
 Moody would "do something for the miserable poor of 
 London." "I shall try and do so," was the preacher's reply; 
 v " and I hope also to be able to do something for the miser- 
 able rich." " The miserable rich ! " Some would think the 
 expression almost a contradiction in terms, but it is not ; 
 for the rich, while possessing the means, as we have already 
 said, of doing vast good, have nevertheless many things to 
 render them unhappy. 
 
 Great wealth is a heavy burden ; the life of a rich peer 
 being described as "made like the life of an attorney by the 
 extent of his affairs." Even their most cherished means of 
 enjoyment may become the possibilities of vexation to the 
 rich. Some may think it is a fine thing to be a landlord, but 
 there is hardly any position more irksome. There is no end 
 of trouble with tenants. The same thing with servants. 
 People who have many servants are sometimes worse served 
 than those who have only one ; for what is every one's 
 business is nobody's, and each individual servant is ready 
 with the answer : "Oh, that is not in my department," when 
 asked to do anything. The more valuable is your horse, the 
 greater is your anxiety about his knees. It is proverbially 
 
" MONE Y IS CHAR A CTER." 1 59 
 
 difficult for a lady to be " mistress of herself though china 
 fall; " but if the sound of broken del/vise, from the kitchen, 
 "Another plate" is her indifferent remark. The fact is, 
 every new possession becomes an additional something to 
 bo looked after, and adds almost as much to our anxiety as 
 it does to our comfort There is sound philosophy in the 
 answer a king is related to have given to one of his stable- 
 boys, when, meeting him one morning, he asked him: " Well, 
 boy, what do you do ? What do they pay you ? " "I help 
 in the stable," replied the lad ; " but I have nothing except 
 victuals and clothes." "Be content," replied the king; "I 
 have no more." 
 
 In Dr. Guthrie's Autobiography there is a good illustration 
 of the unhappy state of cynicism into which the rich are 
 prone to fall. There he relates how, in a winter of extra- 
 ordinary severity, he made an appeal to a lady who had 
 succeeded to a prodigious fortune, on behalf of the starving 
 poor of his parish. In doing so he had no very sanguine 
 hope of success. On being ushered into her room, she 
 turned round, and showing her thin spare figure, and a face 
 that looked as if it had been cut out of mahogany, grinned 
 and said : " I am sorry to see ye. What do you want ? I sup- 
 pose you are here seeking siller? " "The very thing I have 
 come for," was the Doctor's frank reply. Her next remark 
 demonstrated how little power her riches had of conferring 
 happiness ; and with all her wealth of flatterers, what a poor, 
 lonely, desolate, miserable creature this possessor of more 
 than a million sterling was. " Ah ! " she said, " there is 
 nobody comes to see me or seek me ; but it's money, the 
 
160 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN? 
 
 money they are after." We are glad to be able to relate 
 that this miserable rich old lady gave to Dr. Guthrie fifty 
 pounds for the poor an act which we hope shed a gleam 
 of sunshine into her dark life. 
 
 Rich people think that it is good for trade to be free- 
 handed with wealth, and do not always distinguish between 
 productive and unproductive expenditure. They are fre- 
 quently guilty of demoralizing the poorer classes by careless 
 almsgiving and the bad example of their thoughtless money- 
 spending. 
 
 Of course, so far as they are influenced by religious 
 considerations, the rich recognize the truth that all their 
 possessions are held in trust, and only lent to them by a 
 superior Power for the service of their fellow-beings. But 
 the rich have difficulties as well as the poor, and one of these 
 lies in determining how to distribute their expenditure in a 
 way that shall prove beneficial to society. The question, 
 " To whom or to what cause shall I contribute money?" 
 must be a very anxious one to conscientious men of wealth. 
 "How are we to measure," we may suppose rich men to ask, 
 " the relative utility of charities ? And then political econo- 
 mists are down upon us if, by mistake, we help those who 
 might have helped themselves. It is easy to talk against 
 our extravagance ; tell us rather how to spend our money 
 advantageously that is to say, for the greatest good of the 
 greatest number." The fact is, riches must now be considered 
 by all good men as a distinct profession, with responsibilities 
 no less onerous than those of other professions. And this 
 very difficult profession of wealth ought to be learned by 
 
"MONEY IS CHARACTER" 161 
 
 studying social science and otherwise with as much care as 
 the professions of divinity, law, and medicine are learned. 
 When in this way the rich accept and prepare themselves for 
 the duties of their high calling, it will cease to be a cause of 
 complaint that, in the nature of things, money tends to fall 
 into the hands of a few large capitalists. 
 
 Nor is the money-spending of the poor less careless than 
 that of the rich. During the time of high wages, labouring 
 people buy salmon and green peas when they are barely in 
 season; and Professor Leone Levi computes that their 
 annual drink-bill amounts to thirty-six millions. That is 
 exactly the sum which the working-classes spend in rent ; 
 so, although better houses are the strongest and most im- 
 perative demands for the working-classes, those classes are 
 spending, on the lowest estimate, a sum equal to what they 
 are spending on rent. 
 
 Some two years ago. an eminent London physician went 
 into Hyde Park and sat down upon a bench, and there sat 
 down by him a pauper eighty years of age. The physician 
 entered into conversation with him, and asked him what his 
 trade was. The man said he was a carpenter. 
 
 "A very good trade indeed. Well, how is it that you 
 come at this time of life to be a pauper ? Have you been 
 addicted to drink." 
 
 "Not at all; I have only taken my three pints a day 
 never spent more than sixpence daily." 
 
 The physician, taking out a pencil and a piece of paper, 
 asked : " How long have you continued this practice of 
 drinking three pints of ale a day ? " 
 
 ii 
 
1 62 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 " I am now eighty, and I have continued that practice, 
 more or less, for sixty years." 
 
 "Very well," continued the physician, " I will just do the 
 sum." He found that sixpence a day laid by for sixty years 
 amounted, with compound interest, to three thousand two 
 hundred and twenty-six pounds; and he said to the old 
 carpenter : " My good man, instead of being a pauper, you 
 might have been the possessor of three thousand two 
 hundred and twenty-six pounds at this moment ; in other 
 words, you might have had one hundred and fifty pounds a 
 year, or some three pounds a week, not by working an hour 
 longer or doing anything differently, except by putting by 
 the money that you have been spending day by day these 
 sixty years on ale." The physician's conclusion, however, 
 should perhaps be modified by the consideration that if this 
 man had ceased spending sixpence on beer, he might have 
 required to spend a portion of that sixpence on an increased 
 supply of food. But notwithstanding this, the physician's 
 argument is in the main a sound one. 
 
 It is not " ologies " that the working-classes require to be 
 taught so much, as the right use of money and the good 
 things that can be purchased with it, It often astonishes 
 the rich to see the wasteful expenditure of the poor ; but an 
 explanation will be found in the caution which Dr. Johnson 
 gives to men who fancy that poor girls must necessarily make 
 the most economical wives. "A woman of fortune," he 
 says, " being used to the handling of money, spends it 
 judiciously ; but a woman who gets the command of 
 money for the first time upon her marriage, has such a 
 
"MONEY is CHARACTER:' 163 
 
 gust in spending, that she throws it away with great 
 profusion." 
 
 Economy is altogether different from penuriousness ; for 
 it is economy that can always best afford to be generous. 
 In one of his lectures, Emerson relates the following 
 anecdote : "An opulent merchant in Boston was called on 
 by a friend in behalf of a charity. At that time he was 
 admonishing his clerk for using whole wafers instead of 
 halves; his friend thought the circumstance unpropitious, 
 but to his surprise, on listening to the appeal, the merchant 
 subscribed five hundred dollars. The applicant expressed his 
 astonishment that any person who was so particular about 
 half a wafer should present five hundred dollars to a charity; 
 but the merchant said, ' It is by saving half wafers, and attend- 
 ing to such little things, that I have now something to give/ " 
 We ourselves knew of an army doctor who, because he drew 
 good pay and was very saving, was considerably chaffed by 
 his brother officers. One day he quietly remarked to one 
 who hinted that it was shabby of him not to contribute more 
 towards getting up some entertainment "If you had an old 
 father and mother in Ireland to support, perhaps you would 
 not be so free with your coin." 
 
 " Do not accustom yourself," said Dr. Johnson, "to 
 consider debt only as an inconvenience ; you will find it a 
 calamity." Only the other day the writer was speaking to 
 an officer in the army who was so far from considering the 
 debt which he owed to his tailor as either an inconvenience 
 or a calamity, that he seemed to be quite proud of it. " My 
 tailor," said he, " never duns me for the money. When I 
 
1 64 MANNERS MAKYTH MAN* 
 
 have a pound or two which I don't want, I send it to him, 
 just as other people put it in a bank." It was no use 
 telling him that five or ten per cent, on the amount of his 
 bill was being charged every year, and that on a day when 
 he least expected it, payment would be demanded. Had 
 this officer never heard of the General Order which was 
 issued by Sir Charles Napier, in taking leave of his command 
 in India ? Sir Charles strongly urged in that famous docu- 
 ment that " honesty is inseparable from the character of a 
 thoroughbred gentleman;" and that "to drink unpaid-for 
 champagne and unpaid-for beer, and to ride unpaid-for 
 horses, is to be a cheat, and not a gentleman." 
 
 Men who lived beyond their means might be officers by 
 virtue of their commissions, but they were not gentlemen. 
 The habit of being constantly in debt, the general held, 
 made men grow callous to the proper feelings of a gentleman. 
 It was not enough that an officer should be able to fight ; 
 that, any bulldog could do. But did he hold his word 
 inviolate ? Did he pay his debts ? To provide for others 
 and for our own comfort and independence in old age, is 
 honourable, and greatly to be commended; but to hoard for 
 mere wealth's sake is the characteristic of the narrow-souled 
 and the miserly. " We must carry money in the head, not 
 in the heart ; " that is to say, we must not make an idol of 
 it, but regard it as a useful agent. 
 
 Some of the finest qualities of human nature are intimately 
 related to the right use of money, such as generosity, 
 honesty, justice, and self-sacrifice, as well as the practical 
 virtues of economy and providence. On the other hand, 
 
"MONEY IS CHARACTER? 
 
 165 
 
 there are their counterparts of avarice, fraud, injustice, and 
 selfishness, as displayed by the inordinate lovers of gain; 
 and the vices of thriftlessness, extravagance, and improvi- 
 dence, on the part of those who misuse and abuse the 
 means intrusted to them. " So that," as it has been well 
 said, "a right measure and manner in getting, saving, 
 spending, giving, taking, lending, borrowing, and bequeathing, 
 would almost argue a perfect man." 
 
CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 TRAVELLING WITH ADVANTAGE. 
 
 " This is one of the advantages of travel. We are spectators, having 
 for the time no duties, no ties, no associations, no responsibilities ; 
 nothing to do but to look on, and look fairly. . . . Then the diversities 
 of character you meet with instruct and delight you. The variety in 
 language, dress, behaviour, religious ceremonies, mode of life, amuse- 
 ments, arts, climate, government, lays hold of your attention and takes 
 you out of the wheel-tracks of your everyday cares. He must, indeed, 
 be either an angel of constancy and perseverance, or a wonderfully 
 obtuse Caliban of a man, who, amidst all this change, can maintain his 
 private griefs or vexations exactly in the same place they held in his 
 heart while he was packing for his journey." Helps. 
 
 |N the month of June one friend tells you he 
 is going to Norway, another that he is off 
 to St. Petersburg no less ! The American 
 refuses to be "cabin'd, cribb'd, confin'd, 
 bound in " by any doubts and fears whatever 
 as regards distance or purse. He will not limit himself to 
 
TRAVELLING WITH ADVANTAGE. 167 
 
 any one country. On his huge iron-bound boxes is painted 
 the indefinite address Europe. Some fancy that space 
 ought to be quite annihilated in a six weeks' holiday. Itjs 
 nothing to these far-reachers that they can, in this time, 
 touch American soil, or get a Pisgah view of Palestine. 
 Envying the telegraphic message, they resent the fact that 
 stupid men of science have not yet discovered how in a few 
 moments to flash tourists to the antipodes by means of the 
 latent electricity to be ground out of Cook's coupons. . 
 
 But though every one travels in these days, just as every 
 one reads, there are as few good travellers as there are good 
 readers. The people who ask at lending libraries for the 
 very newest book only to have to say " they saw it, and 
 liked it," are precisely those who rush to and fro all over 
 the earth, and return as empty as they set out. Travelling 
 is either useful or not according to the motive with which 
 it is undertaken. Some there are whose sole object is to 
 get over a number of countries just to have to say they were 
 in them. Such globe-trotters neither improve themselves 
 nor increase their happiness. They never do anything they 
 themselves care for, but follow conventionalism as the best 
 tourist's guide. They admire by means of their Baedekers 
 and Murrays, and are " charmed " with the things with 
 which they ought to be charmed. In picture galleries they 
 do not look at the pictures, but read before them out of a 
 guide-book, for the sake of future conversation, a short 
 notice of the birth and death of " this eminent artist." It 
 has been said that "life would be tolerable but for its 
 pleasures," and in their heart of hearts many would like 
 
168 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 going on the Continent, only for its art-galleries, museums, 
 cathedrals, and objects of interest generally. "Hungry 
 work it is doing pictures. I have always to eat two steaks 
 after each collection ; besides, it tires the neck so ! " this 
 is the honest confession once heard by the writer on coming 
 out of a celebrated gallery. 
 
 In most instances the ostensible object of holiday travel- 
 ling is to get health and strength for the winter's work 
 before us, but many are considerably more fatigued than 
 refreshed by their summer's campaign. When starting all 
 seems delightful, and it is only the experience of aching 
 brains and bones that teaches us how much a tour of sight- 
 seeing takes out of us. What busy workers want in a 
 holiday is good air, and total absence of anxiety and fatiguing 
 work. Now it is not a very beneficial change from the air 
 of a city office to spend six or eight hours daily in a crowded 
 railway carriage. Again, can there be more anxious work 
 than searching for new quarters each night, and settling 
 " little accounts " each morning ? And, oh ! how a good 
 " fleecing" on the part of an hotel-keeper, in the morning 
 can take from the loveliest scenery passed through during 
 the day its beauty and its joy ! 
 
 Nor is it very good for the health of men whose habits are 
 sedentary to take immense walks during one short period 
 to crowd the whole year's muscular exercise into a single 
 month. When calculating, too, our chances of obtaining 
 health and pleasure from a tour abroad, we must think of 
 the nervous irritation involved in waiting hours past our 
 usual meal-times, of never being sure of sleep at night 
 
TRAVELLING WITH ADVANTAGE. 169 
 
 suspecting, as we must, that just -as we have dined off 
 fellow-creatures, smaller fellow- creatures may sup off us ! 
 of having frequently to go through a heated argumentation, 
 ( or else submit our plans to those of our companions in 
 travel, or travail. 
 
 And yet, though travelling is often so full of annoyances 
 that it can only be said to confer happiness on those blessed 
 souls who expect nothing, much might be said on the score 
 of culture. Though the foreigner is not quite like Virtue, 
 having " such a face, and such a mien, as to be loved needs 
 only to be seen," he is now discovered by thousands each 
 summer to be not at all that barbarous being he was con- 
 sidered by many of our ancestors, only because they had 
 never seen him. It is possible to go " on the continent " 
 summer after summer without losing a single prejudice, but 
 at least by doing so we have a chance of becoming more 
 catholic-minded. Every railway, steam-boat, and telegraph 
 wire in the world reveals something to the sympathetic, of 
 that one touch of nature which makes the whole world 
 kin(dred), and which should make us kind and liberal in 
 our opinions and actions. In every country a thousand 
 objects preach the Christian doctrine of the brotherhood of 
 man, and unless we are afflicted with the church-goer's 
 " disease of not marking " we must be benefited. But how 
 very prevalent is this disease amongst rushing, scratch- 
 surface, yet think-they-know-all-about-it globe-trotters ! If 
 only they would keep their eyes and ears open, travellers 
 might get little less than a liberal education from these 
 frequent tours "on the continent." But no ! they visit the 
 
1 70 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 chief towns, and flit about from sight to sight. And then 
 they return, having seen everything and yet seen nothing, 
 for of any real insight into the countries visited they gain 
 none. ."Sir," said Dr. Johnson, to a fine gentleman just- 
 returned from Italy, "some men will learn more in the 
 Hampstead stage than others in the tour of Europe." 
 Ordinary people cannot bring on their tours great knowledge 
 and powers of observation. We are not scientists, like Sir 
 Charles Lyell, of whom it was said, by those who had 
 travelled with him, " That to see him hanging out of the 
 window of a railway carriage to watch the geological forma- 
 tions as he passed through a railway cutting, was as if he 
 saw the sides hung with beautiful pictures." Still, we petty 
 men can learn much if we travel open-eyed. " The wise 
 \ man's eyes are in his head ; but the fool walketh in 
 darkness." 
 
 The golden rule of travelling with advantage is to make our 
 minds, before leaving home, perfect blanks. We should keep 
 out of them for the brief period of our holiday, all anxious 
 thoughts of " shop " and everything else that might distract 
 attention from the instructive book of foreign countries. See- 
 ing thus with our eyes, and hearing with our ears, we shall 
 not, as do many tourists, return home with recollections as 
 confused as the colours at the end of a kaleidoscope. Cer- 
 tainly we should try to cultivate our tastes and to enjoy 
 beautiful things and places ; but as certainly we should not 
 make a labour of a pleasure. For this reason we should 
 follow our real desires rather than conventional got-up ones. 
 Why, for instance, should farmers force themselves to " do " 
 
TRAVELLING WITH ADVANTAGE. 171 
 
 picture galleries, and pretend to love church architecture? 
 Revenons a nos moutons should be their motto. If a man 
 prefers wandering through back streets, so as to study the 
 manners, or want of manners, of the inhabitants, he does 
 not commit a crime in staying away from more conventional 
 sights. Having paid your money, you, yourself, and not 
 other people, should choose your "objects of interest." 
 Don't be afraid of the catechism of your friends on returning 
 home. To the question, "Have you seen this or that?" 
 there is no disgrace in answering, " No, I did not care to 
 see it." We shall probably learn most when we consult our 
 innocent tastes, and if a holiday become a bore, instead of 
 recreating worn-out faculties, our money's worth shall not 
 be obtained. 
 
 For the sake of health and happiness let us take it easy. 
 One mile travelled through improvingly and with comfort is 
 worth a hundred " done " in forced marches, as though our 
 object were to accomplish the maximum of miles in the 
 minimum of time. 
 
 "Fret not thyself" is the practical advice of the Psalmist 
 which should be laid to heart by tourists. Have you made 
 up your mind to spend fifty or a hundred pounds ? Put 
 the money in your pocket and return when it is expended. 
 But don't grieve about every supposed overcharge, or 
 imagine that " all is lost " when a single shilling cannot be 
 accounted for, and that therefore "these scenes" are no 
 longer " so charming." Again, many tourists are slaves of 
 their clothes, and are too anxious about bag and baggage to 
 enjoy anything. We once travelled with an old bachelor, 
 
1 72 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 who was much disappointed with the Alps. Why? He 
 saw them not ! for he was thinking of, and boring us about, 
 those pills he had forgotten at Paris ! Nor should we think 
 back, in a remorseful way, on sights we have missed or 
 mistakes we have made. " Things without all remedy 
 should be without regard." 
 
 It is a difficult but most important matter to find a 
 congenial travelling companion, for iron sharpens iron, and 
 joys are doubled when shared with a sympathizing friend. 
 But such a companion, if not congenial, will often force 
 from [us, in our bitter experience, the words, " Defend us 
 from our friends ! " 
 
 Travelling companions should have, as nearly as possible, 
 the same tastes and, above all, the same length of purse. 
 Then, we must never think of travelling with people who 
 have a " passion " for this or that. Does our companion 
 care for nothing on earth but a cathedral, a waterfall, old 
 ruins, ancient masters? while we ourselves care for nothing 
 in particular? Then we shall feel far from happy, leaving 
 our premeditated route, missing our dinner hour, spending 
 money, and generally boring ourselves, all to see his hobby. 
 We should avoid those who have a mania for fast travelling. 
 A single hour spent at one place, though it be as interesting 
 as Rome or Pompeii, is more than enough for some people. 
 Watch in hand, they never cease to complain of this 
 " creeping train." They are as anxious about their time as 
 are sermon-listeners, who, though they do nothing on their 
 return from church, grudge every moment to the preacher. 
 
 We certainly cannot be said to travel with advantage unless 
 
TRAVELLING WITH ADVANTAGE. 173 
 
 either happiness, health, or culture, is increased on our 
 return. Many people during a tour are rather playing at 
 happiness than enjoying it. Are there not at least some 
 busy men who, if they were not afraid of falling into con- 
 ventional heresy, would frankly confess that their conception 
 of a holiday is very different from the usual one " on the 
 continent " ? that it is simply to stay at home, a creature of 
 habit, surrounded by customary comforts, and to amuse 
 themselves doing absolutely nothing? 
 
 It is an amusing sight, when staying at Dover, in the end 
 of September, to watch the boats coming from Calais. What 
 an army of tourists ! A rather sensational display of ice- 
 hatchets and Alpen-stocks advertise the fact that their 
 owners are lovers of scenery unless, indeed, they have 
 climbed the Swiss mountains merely for the sake of bringing 
 home conversational material for the next " season." And 
 who can say whether some rich Desdemona, as she listens 
 to the traveller's tale of "most disastrous chances, of moving 
 accidents by flood and field, of hair-breadth 'scapes," may 
 not "seriously incline;" give Othello for his pains "a world of 
 sighs;" and even "love him for the dangers (query: lessened 
 by railways?) he has passed?" But did not all these tourists 
 " go on the continent " for the sake of their health ? and if 
 so, why do they look so pale and worn ? Why do they give 
 one the impression that they are returning from war, rather 
 than from a pleasure trip ? Is it because they have slept 
 in their clothes for a night or two, are covered with the 
 begriming effects of steam-travelling, and are still suffering 
 from sea-sickness? "Some of you," I thought, as I once 
 
1 74 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 stood on the Admiralty Pier, in proud superiority to sea- 
 sickness, watching its victims coming in pairs up the gangway 
 steps, "some of you seem to have missed one of the chief 
 objects of travelling health. You will soon get over your 
 sea-sickness, and be the better for it ; but you have evidently 
 worked too hard, and the effects of that will last much 
 longer. Had you taken your tour more easily, you would 
 have returned from it refreshed, instead of looking quite 
 worn out, as you do now." 
 
 One object of travelling should' be to improve our 
 manners by intercourse with the polite foreigner, and to 
 lay up a stock of beautiful thoughts and mental pictures 
 that would tend to elevate our conduct. Instead of this 
 too many seem to lose what little manners and morals they 
 have when they go abroad. They copy what is bad in 
 foreigners, but not so readily what is good. There are 
 travellers 
 
 " Each of whom just enough of spirit bears 
 To show our follies, and bring home theirs, 
 They make all Europe's vices so well known, 
 They seem almost as nat'ral as our own." 
 
 Because Mrs. Grundy is a stay-at-home old lady, and does 
 not accompany them, some think that they can do what 
 they like when abroad. 
 
 A bull in a china shop is nothing compared to a drove of 
 Protestant tourists in an Italian church. You may see, 
 when visiting palaces, a huge cockney lolling down upon 
 thrones and chairs of State, and full of self-complacency, 
 imagining himself Victor Emmanuel, or some greater man. 
 
TRAVELLING WITH ADVANTAGE. 175 
 
 One cannot help feeling for the embarrassment of palatial 
 attendants, whose politeness prevents them forbidding 
 irreverent sightseers from " touching " fragile ornaments, 
 and sitting down upon almost everything, while at the same 
 time their duty urges them to remonstrate with commoners 
 against making themselves " at home " in palaces too grand 
 for even kings to feel quite at their ease in. 
 
 What bad manners may be seen in tramway cars and 
 railway carriages ! Here selfishness reigns supreme. Even 
 a bishop will act a lie by covering three or four vacant seats 
 to make believe they are engaged. People who would 
 scorn to cheat an individual have no objection to act dis- 
 honestly towards a railway company. It goes without 
 saying, that there is no advantage in travelling if we allow 
 our manners to be injured by it, as a lady known to us did, 
 of whom her friends remarked, that she was never the 
 same after a certain long voyage. 
 
CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 ARE OUR MANNERS AND MORALS PERFECT? 
 
 "Not as though I had already attained, either were already per- 
 fect." 6V. Paul. 
 
 "What availeth knowledge without the fear of God?"Imitatw 
 Christi. 
 
 [E are naturally proud of the reforms that have 
 taken place in the age in which we live, but 
 it may be doubted whether a little more of 
 the sun of righteousness is not wanted. I 
 believe in human progress, and have no 
 sympathy with those who think that the past ages were 
 better than the present. When I read of the cruel amuse- 
 ments of our great-grandfathers, of the way they treated 
 prisoners, lunatics, soldiers, and children, of their drunken- 
 ness and dislike of even the external use of water, I say to 
 myself, " What brutes they were ! " It is hard to realize 
 that this will be said of us in fifty or a hundred years, for 
 we think that our age is a very wonderful one. Do we not 
 
MANNERS AND MORALS. 177 
 
 travel fast, telephone the most trivial message, and cover 
 a great quantity of paper with print ? And yet, if any one 
 while admitting, as of course he must, that we are nearly 
 perfect were to say that in manners and morals we are not 
 quite perfect, the opinion would be not altogether untenable. 
 It is, for instance, not so very absurd to argue that the 
 young people of our time would be no worse if they had a 
 little more reverence. None of them are infallible, not 
 even the youngest ; but they think that they are, and this 
 makes it very difficult for them to honour their fathers and 
 mothers. How much more rational it seems to despise 
 people who were born when boys did not smoke cigarettes, 
 and girls could blush and were not slangy! "May I be 
 cut into ten thousand triangles," said an American young 
 lady, "if I do not know more about everything than my 
 mother ever did ! " English girls and boys may not express 
 themselves as plainly about their own enlightenment and 
 the ignorance of their parents, but they believe quite as 
 strongly that they exist. I know a man who has a large 
 and prosperous business, which he meant to leave to his 
 son, but the son would not take the trouble of learning it, 
 and went off to Australia, where he did no good. I asked 
 his father why the young hopeful deserted, when his pros- 
 pects were so good and it was his duty to remain at home. 
 A reply was given in one word " Vanity ; " and the father 
 went on to explain that his son, believing that he alone was 
 right and every one else wrong, would not carry on the 
 business as he was -ordered to do it and as it should 
 be done. 
 
 12 
 
1 78 " MANNERS MAKYTPI MAN" 
 
 frhis want of reverence for everything in heaven and 
 earth expresses itself in a disregard for the feelings of others, 
 which is the essence of bad manners. At a crowded as- 
 sembly the other day I heard an elderly lady politely asking 
 a young one if she might sit down upon a chair that was 
 beside her. " No, it is engaged," she answered ; which 
 was a lie, as I found out afterwards. This lady would have 
 offered the chair with a sweet smile if she had been in the 
 society where she was known ; but at the time she thought 
 that no one who knew her was observing, so her selfish 
 character displayed itself in being rude to one older than 
 herself. A gallant colonel, who has the reputation of being 
 "a most polished man" in society, was asked by a tired 
 woman with a child, in a tramway car, to move up and give 
 her a little room. I was told by one who saw it that the 
 officer, looking defiance at the woman of the " lower class," 
 held his ground as firmly as no doubt he would against his 
 country's enemies. Reverence for the aged, and for woman 
 as woman, is evidently not in fashion. Children now speak 
 to their parents with an insolent familiarity which would be 
 unbecoming if used towards a young schoolfellow. No 
 doubt our fathers were wrong in not recognizing the fact 
 that children have rights ; but young people of the present 
 day are equally to blame when they forget that parents also 
 have rights. 
 
 " Let knowledge grow from more to more, 
 But more of reverence in us dwell." 
 
 It might be hinted that there is not now enough of that 
 chivalrous way of speaking of women and to women which 
 
MANNERS AND MORALS. 179 
 
 characterizes the few surviving gentlemen of the old school 
 or old fool (as their juniors would say) kind. You ask 
 a young man of the period if he will dance with a lady, or 
 bring her down to supper. " Let me see her," he says, 
 as if he were speaking of a horse. " Ah ! sorry ; I am en- 
 gaged," is his languid reply, and to a giggling male friend 
 he gives the brief explanation of his refusal in these words 
 " Not good enough." 
 
 It is true that these young men have in many cases been 
 spoiled by fast girls, who, having no respect for themselves, 
 did not exact it from them. If young women have " not 
 the slightest objection, and rather like it," men 'will smoke 
 into their faces, appear before them in any or in scarcely 
 any clothes, call them by their Christian names, say words 
 and refer to things that should be nameless, and in all 
 other ways illustrate the truth that men respect women as, 
 and only as, women respect themselves. 
 
 If a desire to be married banishes maidenly reserve, it is 
 a bad day indeed for both men and women, but especially 
 for the victims of their own carelessness. 
 
 A recent issue of The Spectator contains an article on this 
 prevalent want of reserve, from which we extract the fol- 
 lowing : " The miserable condition in which two brides 
 have recently found themselves from marrying a man of 
 whom they really knew nothing one the prey of a bigamist, 
 and the other the wife of a convict under a false name is 
 but an emphatic exemplification of the sort of trouble that 
 too often arises in our age of too rapid intimacies from the 
 loss or the neglect of the instinct of reserve." 
 
i8o " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 It would be as wise to drink the deadly juices of the 
 belladonna because of the beauty of the nightshade's 
 flowers as to welcome intimacy with many of those whose 
 manners in general society are faultless and fascinating, 
 without knowing anything more of them beyond those man- 
 ners. Unless the man has been seen both when the bow 
 was bent and when it was relaxed, he has not been really 
 seen ; and the same is true of the deeper character. Unless 
 the character has been seen at its tensest, as well as at its 
 easiest, it has not been truly seen. 
 
 So far as the man himself is concerned, it would be 
 a hundred times wiser to carry a lump of dynamite about 
 with him habitually, than to marry a woman of whose in- 
 ward life and aims he knows nothing more than he can 
 learn from ordinary drawing-room intercourse ; and if it 
 would be a hundred times wiser for the man to do so, it 
 would be a thousand times wiser for the woman, who is 
 even more certain to be crushed under the weight of a 
 miserable marriage than the man. 
 
 The disposition to be agonizingly delicate is well ridi- 
 culed in the following : " Is there anything the matter ? " 
 ""There is, sir," was the host's reply. " Have I given any 
 offence ? " " You have, sir." "Really I am ignorant of it." 
 " Such language won't suit here, sir." " My dear sir, what 
 language?" "We were talking of soup." "We were." 
 " You mentioned ox-tail / " "I did." " That's it, that's it, 
 sir ; that sent the ladies blushing out of the room that's 
 highly improper language, which I never heard at any board 
 before, and should not have expected from you." "Why, 
 
MANNERS AND MORALS. 181 
 
 sir, I but called it by its proper name. You asked a ques- 
 tion, and I replied. I am, however, sorry that it has given 
 offence ; but I really do not know how I could have avoided 
 it" " Then, sir, I advise you, when you have an occasion 
 another time to speak of that particular soup, do not call it 
 ox-tail." " No ! but what shall I call it ? " " Fly disperses" 
 " I shall remember the fly disperser soup, sir, rest assured." 
 If this sort of thing may be laughed at, the opposite extreme, 
 which in some quarters is coming into fashion, is too sad 
 for laughter. To the disgrace of their sex so-called ladies 
 read in the newspapers the most horrible details, and relish 
 nothing so much as a cause celebre in the Divorce Court So 
 far are they from being easily sent blushing out of a room 
 that they cannot be kept out of court when trials are going 
 on unfit for ladies to hear. 
 
 Are our feelings of honour as sensitive as they were in 
 days when wounds and death were the consequences of dis- 
 honourable acts ? Have we " that chastity of honour which 
 feels a stain like a wound " ? America used to be far ahead 
 of us in public dishonesty, but it would seem from recent 
 disclosures that we are looking up and following our go- 
 ahead cousins in that direction. People think that Govern- 
 ment is an abstraction which does not feel when it is cheated; 
 but Government only means the collective body of tax- 
 payers, each of whom is sensitive to suffering. A convict 
 who had stolen diamonds considered it infra dig. and 
 made a formal complaint because he had to associate with 
 low thieves who steal cabbage. There are many educated 
 burglars at large who have a good social position, and are 
 
1 82 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN: 9 
 
 greatly respected for two reasons : first, because they are 
 clever enough not to be caught; and secondly, because 
 their operations are all on a large scale. 
 
 The other day an advertisement appeared in the agony 
 column of The Times which was pathetic in its brevity 
 "E. H. wants money." This is a common want with us, 
 for we have more luxurious tastes than our simple fathers. 
 Anything for a little money. A desire to obtain " the need- 
 ful" without work, and a craving for excitement, have 
 elevated gambling to the rank of a besetting sin of our time. 
 Young men who hardly know whether a horse has three or 
 four legs have their " favourites " for all the great races. 
 If they read good books as much as they read the sporting 
 papers, they would be well-informed men. The professional 
 book-maker makes short work of Mr. Verdant Green, who 
 prides himself on always having a good " tip." How is he 
 to pay his liabilities ? Ask some of the inmates of convict 
 prisons. He takes the " loan " of money that has been 
 given into his custody. Our young men are always saying 
 that they cannot afford to marry, but they can or think 
 that they can afford to gamble ; and well, there is much 
 work to be done by the White Cross Purity Society. 
 
 We often speak with horror of the indifference of our 
 forefathers to human life ; but our fashionable luxuries are 
 not less deadly because they have made murder " a fine 
 art." Parents ought to be the last persons to kill their 
 children, and yet there are many who do so. Men live 
 what in bitter irony only can be called a " gay " life, and 
 the effect of their dissipation is that when they become 
 
MANNERS AND MORALS. 183 
 
 fathers they see those children to whom they have given 
 life die by means of themselves killed by the seeds of in- 
 herited disease. There are mothers who break their 
 daughters' hearts by urging them, against their will, to make 
 a "good match." How many parents, again, work their 
 children to death by stimulating their ambition in these 
 days of getting on, as if life were not more than meat, or 
 even than college honours, and the body than raiment, or a 
 mind crammed with omniscient smattering ! Nor does it 
 make much difference that parents do not kill their children 
 themselves, if they allow others to do so. And yet when 
 lazy mothers resign their place entirely to nurses, that is to 
 say to hired proxy mothers who care not for the children, 
 or when fathers send their daughters to " Establishments 
 for Young Ladies," where accomplishments are purchased 
 at the price of health, do they not do this ? 
 
 We kill each other by immoral thoughtlessness, when we 
 help to keep up hurtful fashions, such as turning night into 
 day by too late commencing entertainments, drinking cus- 
 toms in business, sacrificing comfort to appearances, rash 
 money- speculating, teaching the young to drink and gamble, 
 if not by precept, at least by example. Nothing is more 
 melancholy than to walk between the decks of a turreted 
 ship of war, or through Woolwich Arsenal, for in these places 
 we see how the scientific knowledge of the world as well as 
 the wealth that has been made by the sweat of a nation's 
 brow have been used to construct gigantic man-slaughtering 
 machines. But sad as is this wilful, designed preparation 
 for slaughter, the list of those actually killed and wounded 
 
1 84 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 by thoughtlessness and want of Christianity is not at all less 
 appalling. 
 
 How touching the lines found under the pillow of a 
 wounded soldier in the American War : 
 
 " I give a patient God 
 My patient heart ! " 
 
 Ah, if our Father were not patient, what would become of 
 us ? And, if He be so long-suffering with our great trans- 
 gressions, what hinders our patience with our brother's 
 shortcomings ? The more we know of mankind the more 
 we should be moved to patience and pity, rather than re- 
 proach. But this tolerance which should be felt for fellow- 
 sinners should not be extended to sin, as too often it is. 
 "Neither doth he abhor that which is evil" describes the 
 attitude of many a man in these days of spurious toleration. 
 Were we more intolerant of what is morally bad, we should 
 be more tolerant of things unessential. Certainly, if the 
 greatest enemy of Christianity is vice, controversy will have 
 much to answer for if she waste her strength on things too 
 insignificant to be noticed in a sin-laden, sorrowful world. 
 All good men are fighting against the same foe ; why, then, 
 should the dust of their own word-war, or a slightly different 
 uniform, cause them to mistake one another, thus wasting 
 the power that union should have given to them ? 
 
 It would be well if we were as intolerant of vice as we 
 are of an unfashionable hat, or of anything that indicates 
 individuality and freedom from the tyranny of custom. 
 
 " Virtue ivefaid too painful an endeavour, *v 
 
 Content to dwell in decencies for ever." 
 
MANNERS AND MORALS. 185 
 
 Hell is no longer mentioned to ears polite, and we have not 
 even a devil left to believe in. Our preachers are, with a 
 few honourable exceptions, as mild and mealy-mouthed 
 as they were in the reign of Charles II., when a certain 
 worthy divine at Whitehall thus addressed himself to the 
 auditory at the conclusion of his sermon : " In short, if 
 you don't live up to the precepts of the gospel, but abandon 
 yourselves to your irregular appetites, you must expect to 
 receive your reward in a certain place which 'tis not good 
 manners to mention here." 
 
 We must ask our polite readers to excuse us for having 
 given in this chapter a few illustrations of the disagreeable 
 truth that our manners and morals are not absolutely per- 
 fect. When we acknowledge this to be the case, and do 
 not trust to steam and electricity for salvation, we take the 
 first step on the right road. In one of Leech's sketches 
 one omnibus man says to another, " You call yourself a 
 man ? I've seen a better man than you made out of tea- 
 leaves ! " If " manners makyth man " (and woman), it is 
 to be feared that many of us are of a tea-leaf composition. 
 
CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 ONLY TEMPER/ 
 
 " Like those who burn their houses and themselves within them, 
 anger makes all things within full of confusion, smoke, and noise ; so 
 that the soul can neither see nor hear anything that might relieve it. 
 Wherefore sooner will an empty ship in a storm at sea, admit of a 
 governor from without, than a man, tossed with anger and rage, listen 
 to the advice of another, unless he have his own reason first prepared 
 to entertain it." Plutarch. 
 
 " There is no other way but to meditate and ruminate well upon the 
 effects of anger, how it troubles man's life." Bacon. 
 
 |JN reference to character, temper means simply 
 a mixture of different qualities. The quali- 
 ties that constitute the disposition of a well- 
 tempered person are mixed in due proportion. 
 In common speech, however, the word 
 "temper," especially when used without an adjective, is 
 restricted in meaning to the passion of anger. What a proof 
 this of the prevalence of bad temper ! 
 
ONL Y TEMPER" 1 87 
 
 People are seldom ashamed of having bad tempers, as 
 the possession of a weak memory does not lessen, in his 
 own opinion at least, a man's intellectual capacity. " Only 
 temper " is allowed to cover a multitude of sins, just as the 
 common apology, " Excuse me, but my memory is such a 
 bad one," is supposed to be perfectly compatible with 
 intellectual greatness. 
 
 Some people seem to be almost proud of their bad tem- 
 pers. They delude themselves into the belief that anger 
 is a proof of strength of character, as if there could be any 
 real power in the absence of self-restraint and self-control. 
 How can strength of mind ever be manifested by anger, 
 which does not merely " displace the mind, and then act 
 dismal things," but which absolutely " turns reason out of 
 doors, and bolts the door against it " ? True strength of 
 character does not show itself in kicking doors, shouting at 
 a helpless wife, scolding servants, or brutally flogging a horse 
 when too old to run away. Many can kick a door who 
 would eat humble pie for a more animated antagonist ; and 
 real force of character is far more clearly seen in " silent 
 divine action " than in scolding servants, or her whom an 
 unmanly man looks upon as an upper servant his wife. 
 He is the really strong man who is master of himself under 
 all circumstances. " He that is slow to anger is better than 
 the mighty ; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh 
 a city." 
 
 Bad temper grows fat upon what it feeds, that is, itself. 
 When long indulged, its victim receives a sort of melancholy 
 pleasure from it, and hugs it to his heart, unconscious that 
 
i88 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 he is cherishing a serpent. He speaks of it as a misfortune, 
 and apologises to his friends for the rudeness and injury he 
 has inflicted on them, by saying, " But you know my temper 
 is so warm," as if the mere fact of being ill-tempered were a 
 sufficient excuse for it. Anger, sulkiness, and peevishness, 
 which last is generally found in weak natures, and means 
 anger about trifles, very soon, if much indulged, render the 
 lives of their victims almost unbearable to themselves and 
 others. The mind becomes ulcerated, peevish, and queru- 
 lous, and, like a thin, weak plate of iron, receives impression, 
 and is wounded by the least occurrence. Rage is terrible, 
 and peevishness is ridiculous, and each is a short madness. 
 
 It is, unfortunately, only too true that a man with a bad 
 temper may bully himself into a good place, and gain com- 
 forts and advantages that ought to belong to gentler and 
 better men. This is owing to the indolence of most people, 
 who prefer to give a cross dog a bone rather than fight with 
 him. But it is very wrong, and even very unkind, to give 
 up everything to the wishes of the worst-tempered member 
 of a household. Such indulgence only aggravates bad 
 temper, without in the least increasing happiness, for the 
 domestic bully soon comes to a condition in which his only 
 pleasure is to be displeased. 
 
 Yet there is such a thing as innocent anger. " Be ye 
 angry and sin not." Anger is a natural feeling which has 
 been given to us as a preservative against injury. It is not 
 wrong in itself, but is easily abused when allowed to continue 
 or when indulged in circumstances which do not warrant it. 
 ' Let not the sun go down upon your wrath," or at least 
 
" ONL Y TEMPER? 1 89 
 
 wait until it has gone down before you write or speak. We 
 must not nurse our wrath to keep it warm. Wise anger is 
 like fire in a flint : there is much ado to get it out, and when 
 it is out, it is gone immediately. 
 
 Ill health is sometimes a valid excuse when it is not 
 brought on by any fault of our own for bad temper. We 
 do not believe in such a thing as over-work, but there is 
 over-effort ; and there are wrong methods of working that 
 ruin temper by weakening the nervous system. Again, our 
 tempers and livers act and re-act on each other. While a 
 sluggish liver causes peevishness, nothing is so good for the 
 health of that organ as the habit worth for every reason 
 ten thousand pounds a year of looking on the bright side 
 of things. There is much rough truth in the often quoted 
 saying of Dr. Johnson, to the effect that every sick person 
 " is a villain." Sickness, as a rule, makes a man bad-tem- 
 pered and unsociable. He feels that he has " nerves," and 
 makes others feel the same. An organ is said to be in 
 perfect health when we are unconscious of possessing it. 
 How few men and how very few women are to be found in 
 these days who live so wisely that- they never become con- 
 scious of " nerves ! " 
 
 But whatever our illness may be, nothing aggravates it so 
 much as bad temper. On a recent occasion I visited daily 
 a man recovering from a bad attack of typhoid fever. He 
 was the worst patient I ever saw a very impatient. His 
 peevish language to the attendants, who were doing their 
 best for him, was most revolting. And as this bad temper 
 brought on a relapse, it very nearly cost him his life. In 
 
190 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN* 
 
 every other respect the person alluded to is most estimable ; 
 but that which is lightly spoken of as "only temper" is 
 making his life a failure, and cannot but mar for himself and 
 fiancee the married state into which he is about to enter. 
 
 As none of us are very much in love with our bad tem- 
 pers, let us see if there are any devices that may assist us 
 to overcome them. First of all, we should get to know the 
 kind of things that provoke us. Forewarned by experience, 
 we shall be forearmed and prepared to resist the temptation 
 of speaking or acting during the first moments of excite- 
 ment. To prevent our doing this, it has been suggested 
 that before speaking in anger we should repeat to ourselves 
 the alphabet, or count over a series of numbers. " For as 
 he that adds no fuel to fire hath already as good as put it 
 out, so he that doth not feed anger at the first, nor blow 
 the fire in himself, hath prevented and destroyed it." If 
 anger arises in your breast, instantly seal up your lips, and 
 let it not go forth ; for, like fire, when it has no vent, it will 
 suppress itself. Be careful, therefore, to lay up beforehand a 
 stock of reason and religious consideration, that, like a 
 besieged town, you may be provided for, and be defensible 
 from within, since you are not likely to be relieved from 
 without. 
 
 " As small letters hurt the sight," says Plutarch, " so do 
 small matters him that is too much intent upon them ; they 
 vex and stir up anger, which begets an evil habit in him in 
 reference to greater affairs." Hence it will be a check on 
 temper to try and keep the large issues of life before our 
 eyes. Epictetus, the wise slave, tells us that "everything 
 
" ONL Y TEMPER? 1 9 1 
 
 has two handles " by the one it can be easily carried ; by 
 the other, not at all. Thus, if your brother has injured you, 
 do not take hold of this event on the side of the injury, for 
 that handle will not support it it is, as we say, intolerable 
 but take hold of it by the other handle, and say, " Well, 
 he is my brother, after all ; we were brought up together in 
 the same house." 
 
 Some people cultivate their taste only on the side that is 
 turned towards evil. Good taste is to them the same as 
 fault-finding and fastidiousness. A gentleman was once 
 mentioned to Daniel Webster as being " a man of very fine 
 tastes." " I think him a man of very fine distastes," re- 
 plied Webster. True taste consists in a relish for good 
 things in the power which finds beauty everywhere. The 
 best taste is a generous sentiment, rejoicing not in iniquity, 
 bearing all things, and thinking no evil. It takes hold of 
 everything by the handle of beauty and goodness, and finds 
 them in all things. It might save us from peevish temper 
 if we enumerated more frequently to ourselves the many 
 blessings we enjoy, and the many terrible afflictions we do not 
 suffer. Does any little thing annoy us ? Let us think how 
 much worse it would be for us if we had to endure cancer, 
 blindness, insanity, or any other of the thousand maladies 
 which at this moment many better men than ourselves are 
 enduring with patience. We should often ask ourselves how 
 much worse we might be, instead of how much better. 
 
 Good temper, it has been said, is nine-tenths of Chris- 
 tianity ; and certainly the grumbling of discontent, and the 
 loud shouting of anger, constitute a Te Deum^ which is in 
 
192 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN? 
 
 very bad harmony with the blessings which our heavenly 
 Father showers continually upon our heads. Surely He did 
 not cover the earth with flowers, paint the sky, make the 
 'birds musicians, and give the power of laughter, and kind 
 friends to laugh with, in order that we, by our bad tempers 
 and melancholy, should pronounce the world to be " very 
 bad," which He has made, and pronounced to be " very 
 good." 
 
 The habit of fretful fault-finding, if too long indulged, may 
 end in madness. We all feel sympathy for one who has 
 become demented from loss of friends, from disappointment, 
 or from a hard lot in life; but we can have no such feeling 
 for grumbling creatures, who make those whose calamity it 
 is to be bound to them as miserable as themselves. 
 
 In his " Letter to Young Girls," Mr. Ruskin thus writes : 
 " Keep absolute calm of temper, under all chances ; receiv- 
 ing everything that is provoking or disagreeable to you as 
 coming directly from Christ's hand : and the more it is like 
 to provoke you, thank Him for it the more ; as a young 
 soldier would his general for trusting him with a hard place 
 to hold on the rampart. And remember, it does not in the 
 least matter what happens to you whether a clumsy school- 
 fellow tears your dress, or a shrewd one laughs at you, or 
 the governess doesn't understand you. The one thing needful 
 is that none of these things should vex you. For your mind, 
 at this time of your youth, is crystallizing like sugar-candy ; 
 and the least jar to it flaws the crystal, and that permanently." 
 
 Certainly a person without any temper is not greatly 
 respected. People impose upon milk-and-water good 
 
" ONLY TEMPER." 193 
 
 nature, and are afterwards angry with the weak simpleton 
 who has allowed them to take liberties and misbehave. We 
 like the strong hand and will that can make us go right. 
 " Be not too sweet," says an Afghan proverb, " else men 
 will eat you ; be not too bitter, else men will loathe you." 
 This happy medium, that avoids the extremes of weakness 
 and exactingness, is the sort of temper that best qualifies a 
 man for the world's business. 
 
CHAPTER XX, 
 
 
 
 "ONLY TRIFLES." 
 
 Think naught a trifle, though it small appear J 
 Small sands the mountain, moments make the year, 
 And trifles life." Young. 
 
 " All service is the same with God 
 With God, whose puppets, best and worst, 
 Are we ; there is no last nor first. 
 There is no great, there is no small 
 To the soul that maketh all." Browning. 
 
 jHEN tempted to scorn the little duties of 
 our calling, let us think of such sayings as 
 the following. One day a visitor at Michael 
 Angelo's studio remarked to that great 
 artist, who had been describing certain little 
 finishing "touches" lately given to a statue "But these 
 are only trifles." " It may be so," replied the sculptor ; " but 
 recollect that trifles make perfection, and perfection is no 
 
ONLY TRIFLES:* 195 
 
 trifle." In the same spirit the great painter Poussin ac- 
 counted for his reputation in these words " Because I have 
 neglected nothing." It is related of a Manchester manu- 
 facturer, that, on retiring from business, he purchased an 
 estate from a certain nobleman. The arrangement was that 
 he should have the house with all its furniture just as it 
 stood. On taking possession, however, he found that a 
 cabinet which was in the inventory had been removed ; and 
 on applying to the former owner about it, the latter said : 
 " Well, I certainly did order it to be removed ; but I hardly 
 thought you would have cared for so trifling a matter in so 
 large a purchase." " My lord," was the reply, " if I had not 
 all my life attended to trifles, I should not have been able to 
 purchase this estate ; and excuse me for saying so, perhaps 
 if your lordship had cared more about trifles, you might not 
 have had occasion to sell it." " Oh, what's the good of 
 doing this and that ? " we say in reference to departments of 
 our business where quick returns are not forthcoming, or 
 where success does not at once stare us in the face. When 
 Franklin made his discovery of the identity of lightning and 
 electricity, people of this baser sort asked with a sneer, 
 " Of what use is it ? " The philosopher's retort was : " What 
 is the use of a child ? It may become a man ! " Apropos 
 of this remark, grown-up people should remember, while 
 doing improper things in the presence of him who is "only 
 a child," that he will one day become a man just like them- 
 selves. 
 
 Mr. Careless Nevermind and Miss Notparticular think 
 that great men only deal with great things. The most bril- 
 
196 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 liant discoverers were of a different opinion. They made 
 their discoveries by observing and interpreting simple facts. 
 When fools were walking in darkness, the eyes of these wise 
 men were in their heads. Galileo's discovery of the pendu- 
 lum was suggested to his observant eye by a lamp swinging 
 from the ceiling of Pisa Cathedral. A spider's net sus- 
 pended across the path of Sir Samuel Brown, as he walked 
 one dewy morning in his garden, was the prompter that 
 gave to him the idea of his suspension bridge across the 
 Tweed. So trifling a matter as the sight of seaweed floating 
 past his ship enabled Columbus to quell the mutiny which 
 arose amongst his sailors at not discovering land, and to 
 assure them that the eagerly sought New World was not far 
 off. Galvani observed that a frog's leg twitched when placed 
 in contact with different metals, and it was this apparently 
 insignificant fact that led to the invention of the electric 
 telegraph. While a bad observer may " go through a forest 
 and see no firewood," a true seer learns from the smallest 
 things and apparently the most insignificant people. Cer- 
 tainl)%the power of little things can never be denied by 
 Englishmen who reflect that the chalk cliffs of their island 
 have been built up by little animals detected only by the 
 help of the microscope of the same order of creatures that 
 have formed the coral reefs. 
 
 Perhaps it is not too much to say that England owes her 
 reputation of being the best workshop in Europe not so 
 much to the fact that she is rich in coal and iron, as because 
 her workmen put, or used to put, a good finish on their 
 work. A country must become and continue great when its 
 
" ONLY TRIFLES" 197 
 
 * 
 
 labourers work honestly, paying attention to detail, putting 
 conscience into every stone they place and into every nail 
 they drive. There is no fear of England declining so long 
 as it can be said of her workers what was said of the Old 
 Masters in statuary, painting, and cathedral-building : 
 
 " In the elder days of art, 
 
 Builders wrought with greatest care 
 Each minute and unseen part, 
 For the Gods see everywhere." 
 
 How much of this honest workmanship, that careth for little 
 things and not merely for the large and showy, is to be seen 
 on the roof of Milan Cathedral ! Here the smallest and 
 least visible statue of the statue forest that tops the building 
 is carved with quite as great care as the largest and most 
 conspicuous. 
 
 It has been remarked that we cannot change even a 
 particle of sand on the sea-shore to a different place without 
 changing at the same time the balance of the globe. The 
 earth's centre of gravity will be altered by the action, in an 
 infinitely small degree no doubt, but still altered ; and upon 
 this will ensue climatic changes which may influence people's 
 temperaments and actions. Of course this is an absurd 
 refinement ; but it illustrates the undoubted fact that the 
 most trivial thought and act carries with it a train of con- 
 "sequences the end of which we may never guess. The 
 veriest trifles become of importance in influencing our own 
 or other people's lives and characters. One look may 
 marry us. Our profession may be settled for us by the most 
 trivial circumstance. "A kiss from my mother," said West, 
 
198 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 
 
 " made me a painter." Going into an inn for refreshment, Dr. 
 Guthrie saw a picture of John Pounds the cobbler of Ports- 
 mouth teaching poor ragged children that had been left by 
 ministers, ladies, and gentlemen to go to ruin on the streets. 
 The sight of this picture hanging over the chimney-piece on 
 that day made Dr. Guthrie the founder of ragged schools. 
 
 On a clock in one of the Oxford colleges is inscribed this 
 solemn warning to those who fancy that killing time is not 
 murder : Periunt et imputantur ("the hours perish and are 
 laid to our charge "). But is not this equally true of those 
 " odd moments " during which we say it is not worth while 
 commencing or finishing anything ? Dr. Smiles tells us that 
 Dr. Mason Good translated Lucretius while driving from 
 patient's house to patient's house; that Dr. Darwin com- 
 posed nearly all his works in the same way ; that Hale 
 wrote his "Contemplations" while travelling on circuit; 
 that Elihu Burritt, while earning his living as a blacksmith, 
 mastered eighteen ancient languages and twenty-two Euro- 
 pean dialects in " odd moments ; " that Madame de Genlis 
 composed several of her volumes while waiting for the 
 princess to whom she gave daily lessons. Kirke White 
 learned Greek and J. S. Mill composed " Logic " as they 
 walked to their offices. Many of us get into a fuss if 
 dinner be not to the moment. Not so did D'Aguesseau, 
 one of the greatest Chancellors of France, act. He used 
 this mauvais quart dheure, for he is said to have written a 
 large and able volume in the intervals of waiting for dinner. 
 Wellington's achievements were mainly owing to the fact 
 that he personally attended to such minutiae as soldiers' 
 
" ONLY TRIFLES." 199 
 
 shoes, camp-kettles, biscuits, horse-fodder ; and it was be- 
 cause Nelson attended to detail in respect of time that he 
 was so victorious. "I owe," he said, "all my success in 
 life to having been always a quarter of an hour before my 
 time." ' ' Every moment lost," said Napoleon, " gives an 
 opportunity for misfortune.'' Well would it have been for 
 himself as his bitter end proved had this European bully 
 known another fact that every moment selfishly employed 
 is worse than lost, and "gives an opportunity for misfor- 
 tune ! " However, he attributed the defeat of the Austrians 
 to his own greater appreciation of the value of time. While 
 they dawdled he overthrew them. 
 
 It may be said that " it is the pace that kills that people 
 nowadays are more prone to wear themselves out by over- 
 working than to rust unused." But is it not over-anxiety 
 and want of method, rather than overwork, that kills us ? 
 Methodical arrangement of time is like packing things in a 
 box : a good packer will get in half as much again as a bad 
 one. 
 
 Little words and acts far more than great ones reveal the 
 manner of a man. No one in Great Britain at least 
 could be such a Goth as to rest his heels on the mantel- 
 piece or to spit when sitting in the company of ladies round 
 a fire. It is not, however, given to all to continue sinless as 
 regards those many little things that mark the naturally 
 refined man. Women are said to be better readers of 
 character than men, and perhaps the reason is this : cha- 
 racter is shown by minutiae, and the fine intuition or mental 
 sharp-sightedness by which these are discerned belongs to 
 women in a greater degree than to men. 
 
200 MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 Without caring in the smallest degree for goodness, we 
 may avoid crime and gross sin because of the police, or 
 because we desire- to get on in the world, or because we are 
 afraid of ridicule. The test, therefore, of a fine character is 
 attention to the minutiae of conduct. Nor does the per- 
 formance of those large duties, which are almost forced 
 upon us, prove our love to God or to man nearly so con- 
 vincingly as do the little commonplace services of love 
 the cheerful word, the cup of cold water when rendered 
 not grudgingly or of necessity. 
 
 Life is* made up of little incidents rather than of brilliant 
 achievements. And it is mainly upon littles that the peace 
 and comfort of society, and especially of our homes, depend. 
 
 *' Little deeds of kindness, little words of love, 
 Make the earth an Eden, like the heaven above.'* 
 
 "The greatest evils in life," says Bishop Butler, "have 
 had their rise from somewhat which was thought of too 
 little importance to be attended to." And when we analyze 
 the lives of those who have ruined themselves morally, we 
 generally discover that 
 
 It was the little rift within the lute 
 
 That, ever widening, slowly silenced all ; 
 Or little pitted speck in garnered fruit, 
 That, rotting inward, slowly mouldered all." 
 
 By little foxes tender grapes are destroyed, according to 
 Solomon : " Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil 
 the vines : for our vines have tender grapes " (Solomon's 
 Song ii. 15). Little foxes are very cunning, and most 
 
" ONL Y TRIFLES." 201 
 
 difficult to catch; and so are those little .temptations by 
 which our moral natures are gradually eaten away. The 
 tender grapes of many a Christian branch are destroyed by 
 such little foxes as temper, discontent, avarice, vanity. 
 
 Many who could resist much greater sins yield to these. 
 There is an excitement in the very greatness of the trial or 
 temptation which enables us to resist it; while the chase 
 after little foxes is dull and uninteresting. 
 
 St. Paul enumerates nine kinds of spiritual fruit that 
 ought to be found on every Christian branch love, joy, 
 peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, 
 temperance. These tender grapes are destroyed by little 
 foxes rather than by large beasts of prey. 
 
 To be " Mistress of herself, though china fall," is con- 
 sidered the hardest test of woman's temper ; while, in the 
 case of men, gentleness is sometimes destroyed for a moment 
 by such a little fox as that irritating one called "button off 
 shirt." 
 
 Peevishness, if not caught and put an end to, is a little 
 fox that will soon render love, joy, and peace impossible. 
 
 Avarice will destroy gentleness and goodness. If the 
 little fox called discontent be not chased away, it will spoil 
 the tender grapes of long-suffering and faith. Meekness is 
 endangered by self-righteousness and every form of pride. 
 
 And as regards temperance, let us beware of social drink- 
 ing customs, extravagant living, and every other little fox by 
 which self-reverence and self-control are destroyed. 
 
 There is one way, and one way only, of preventing the 
 tender fruit or the spirit from being destroyed by these little 
 
202 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 foxes. We must listen to the gentle encouraging voice of 
 Him who said : "Abide in Me and I in you. As the branch 
 cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine ; no 
 more can ye, except ye abide in Me. I am the vine, ye 
 are the branches : he that abideth in Me, and I in him, the 
 same bringeth forth much fruit ; for without Me ye can do 
 nothing." But (to change the metaphor) we may say with 
 Mr. Ruskin, " Most people think, if they keep all the best 
 rooms in their hearts swept and garnished for Christ, that 
 they may keep a little chamber in their heart's wall for 
 Belial on his occasional visits ; or a three-legged stool for 
 him in the heart's counting-house ; or a corner for him in 
 the heart's scullery, where he may lick the dishes. It 
 won't do ! You must cleanse the house of him, as you 
 would of the plague, to the last spot. You must be resolved 
 that as all you have shall be God's, so all you are shall be 
 God's." 
 
 How many people are almost successful, missing their 
 aim by " Oh, such a little ! " Minutise in these cases make 
 or mar us. " If I am building a mountain," said Confucius, 
 " and stop before the last basketful of earth is placed on the 
 summit, I have failed." The examination is lost by half a 
 mark. One neck nearer and the race would have been 
 won. The slightest additional effort would have turned the 
 tide of war. "Thou art not far from the kingdom of God," 
 were solemn words, marking the terrible difference between 
 almost and altogether. 
 
CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 MISAPPLIED VIRTUES. 
 
 " Nor aught so good, but, strain'd from that fair use, 
 Revolts from true birth, stumbling on abuse : 
 Virtue itself turns vice, being misapplied." 
 
 Shakespeare, " Romeo and Jtiliet" 
 
 IHAKESPEARE tells us that "virtue itself 
 turns vice, being misapplied." From this 
 text we would draw attention to the often- 
 forgotten fact, that the best and most beau 
 tiful points of character may develop into 
 if cultivated without pruning, or in the 
 absence of counterbalancing qualities. A man cannot be 
 too virtuous; but there may be a want of proportion be- 
 tween the good qualities of his mind and heart. How few 
 have well-balanced minds how few have their feelings 
 under proper control ! What is a good temper but a 
 mixture of qualities in due proportion ? Where this due 
 
 monstrosities, 
 
204 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN. 
 
 proportion is wanting, the temper and disposition become 
 perverted and bad. Almost all vices are the exaggeration 
 of virtues " virtues misapplied." 
 
 As an illustration of this principle, let us take that faculty, 
 by which we conceive and long after perfection, and see 
 how even such a beautiful quality as Ideality may, if too 
 exclusively cultivated, drag down rather than elevate its 
 possessor. This divine Ideality, more than anything else, 
 distinguishes man's nature from that of the brute. From 
 it springs the dissatisfaction with present attainments, pos- 
 sessions, and performances, which induces us to strain after 
 higher ones. To make us dissatisfied with the actual, and 
 to spur us on continually after something for ever desirable, 
 yet for ever receding this is the office of Ideality. But 
 every faculty has its instinctive, wild growth, which, like the 
 spontaneous produce of the earth, is crude and weedy. 
 Revenge, says Bacon, is a sort of wild justice; obstinacy is 
 untutored firmness, and so exactingness is untrained Ide- 
 ality ; and a very great amount of misery, social and 
 domestic, comes not from the faculty, but from its untrained 
 exercise. The faculty which is ever conceiving, and desiring 
 something better and more perfect, must be modified in its 
 action by good sense, patience, and conscience, otherwise it 
 induces a morbid, discontented spirit, which courses through 
 the veins of individual and family life like a subtle poison. 
 
 An exacting person is one who fusses, fumes, finds fault, 
 and scolds, because everything is not perfect in an imper- 
 fect world. Much more happy and good is he whose con- 
 ceptions and desire of excellence are equally strong, but in 
 
MISAPPLIED VIRTUES. 205 
 
 whom there is a greater amount of discriminating common 
 sense. A sensible man does not make himself unhappy 
 because he is unable to fly like a bird or swim like a fish. 
 Common sense teaches him that these accomplishments are 
 so utterly unattainable, that they should not be desired. 
 
 Most people can see what is faulty in themselves and their 
 surroundings ; but while the dreamer frets and wears him- 
 self out over the unattainable, the happy, practical man is 
 satisfied with what can be attained. There was much 
 wisdom in the answer given by the principal of a large 
 public institution, when complimented on his habitual 
 cheerfulness amid a diversity of cares " I've made up my 
 mind," he said, " to be satisfied when things are done half 
 as well as I would have them." 
 
 Ideality often becomes an insidious mental and moral 
 disease, acting all the more subtly from its alliance with what 
 is noblest in us. Shall we not aspire to be perfect? Shall 
 we be content with low standards in anything ? To these 
 inquiries there seems to be but one answer ; yet the indi- 
 vidual driven forward in blind, unreasoning aspiration, be- 
 comes wearied, bewildered, discontented, restless, fretful, 
 and miserable. And, being miserable himself, he is almost 
 certain to make others unhappy. This is the secret reason 
 why many pure, good, conscientious persons are only a source 
 of uneasiness to those with whom they come in contact. 
 They are exacting, discontented, unhappy ; and spread 
 discontent and unhappiness around them. There are people 
 who make no allowances either for themselves or others, but 
 are equally angry and resentful towards both, and for this 
 
206 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 reason, that the great virtue of being dissatisfied with imper- 
 fection has turned into a vice, being misapplied. 
 
 Blind persistence in trifles, which is a deformed shoot from 
 a very good stock, will furnish one other illustration of the 
 misapplication of virtue. Like many others, this fault is 
 the overaction of a necessary and praiseworthy quality. 
 Without firmness, all human plans would be unstable as 
 water. A poor woman being asked how it was that her son, 
 after going on steadily for a considerable time, becai/ae at 
 last changed in character, replied : " I suppose because he 
 had not the gift of continuance." This perseverance of 
 will, or " gift of continuance," is found in greater or less 
 degree in every well-constituted nature. It is seen in the 
 lower animals. The force by which a bulldog holds on to 
 an antagonist, the persistence with which a mule will set 
 himself to resist blows and menaces, are pertinent examples 
 of the animal phase of a property which exists in human 
 beings, and forms the foundation for that perseverance 
 which carries on all the great and noble enterprises of life. 
 
 But there is a wild, uncultured growth of this faculty, the 
 instinctive action of firmness uncontrolled by reason or 
 conscience, which does much mischief, and causes no 
 inconsiderable amount of misery. Speaking of this fault, 
 Mrs. Beecher Stowe imagines the case of two young people 
 in the midst of that happy bustle which attends the forma- 
 tion of a first home. Hero and Leander have written each 
 other a letter every day for two years, beginning with " My 
 dearest," and ending with " Your own," &c. ; they have sent 
 each other flowers and rings and locks of hair; they have 
 
MISAPPLIED VIRTUES. 207 
 
 worn each other's portraits ; they are convinced that never 
 was there such sympathy of souls, such coincidence of 
 opinion, such a reasonable foundation for mutual esteem. 
 They do sincerely respect and love each other ; nevertheless, 
 the first year of their married life will be a continued battle 
 about trifles, if both of them are set on having their way at 
 all times. For example, this morning Hero and Leander 
 are presiding at the arrangement of the furniture which has 
 just been sent to their pretty cottage. 
 
 " Put the piano in the bow-window," says the lady. 
 " No ; not in the bow-window," says the gentleman. 
 " Why, my dear, of course it must go in the bow-window. 
 How awkward it would look anywhere else ! I have always 
 seen pianos in bow- windows." 
 
 " My love, you would not think of spoiling that beautiful 
 prospect from the bow-window by blocking it up with a 
 piano. The proper place is just here in the corner of the 
 room." 
 
 " My dear, it would look dreadful there, and spoil the 
 appearance of the room." 
 
 " Well, for my part, my love, I think the appearance of 
 the room would be spoiled if you filled up the bow-window. 
 Think what a lovely place that would be to sit in ! " 
 
 " Just as if we couldn't sit there behind the piano if we 
 wanted to ! I insist upon it, it ought to stand in the bow- 
 window." 
 
 " Well, I don't think you ought to insist on an arrange- 
 ment that really is disagreeable to me." 
 And now Hero's cheeks flush, and the spirit burns within. 
 
208 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 But we need not quote all her foolish sayings, or those of 
 Leander, as round and round they go, stating and restating 
 their arguments, both getting more and more nervous and 
 combative, as the animal instinct of self-will grows stronger 
 and stronger. 
 
 " Alas ! how light a cause may move 
 Dissension between hearts that love," 
 
 when the noble quality of firmness is in this way misapplied. 
 
 We might mention innumerable instances of the misappli- 
 cation of virtues. There cannot be a higher quality than 
 Conscientiousness, yet even this may degenerate into cen- 
 soriousness or hopeless self-condemnation. It was the 
 constant prayer of the great and good Bishop Butler that 
 he. might be saved from what he called "scrupulosity." 
 Veneration may become bigotry ; and if a man be blindly 
 reverential, he will probably sink to degrading superstition. 
 Where there is a deficiency in Combativeness, there is little 
 energy and force of character; but the excess of this quality 
 makes a person fault-finding and contentious. 
 
 In two ways good qualities become warped from their 
 original purpose. Our faculties are " like sweet bells jangled 
 out of tune and harsh " when any one faculty is allowed to 
 make its voice heard above that of the rest ; or when, not 
 being too loud itself, a discord is created, because the oppo- 
 site faculty that should harmonize it has been silenced. 
 
 Every faculty may become diseased. Insanity is more or 
 less partial. Firmness requires to be kept in check by Bene- 
 volence. Self-esteem gives dignity and independence to the 
 
MISAPPLIED VIRTUES. 209 
 
 character, but it must be harmonized by Humility. Cau- 
 tiousness and Prudence, if allowed to become morbid, may 
 almost unfit a man for action. 
 
 If, then, we are endeavouring to cultivate ourselves and 
 others, we must see that no one faculty, however good in 
 itself, is developed unduly, or without equal care being 
 bestowed on the growth of a counterbalancing faculty. 
 That only is a true system of education which aims at the 
 development, not of some, but of all the powers of man. In 
 a well-balanced pair of scales, a feather on one side is found 
 to turn the scale just as really as if a ton had been put into 
 it. In the same way, if a man be deficient in one element, . 
 a fair development of the opposite quality will show an 
 excess. Some men are exceedingly good ; but being de- 
 ficient in force and energy of character, they produce upon 
 society very little influence. They are like lemonade with 
 the lemon left out altogether too sweet and insipid. Some, 
 again, have a predominance of animal propensity, and their 
 tendency of character is toward animal indulgences. Others 
 have moral power, with too little intelligence to guide it. 
 Others are warped and unbalanced by a predominance of 
 social feeling. If they had enough of something else to 
 balance their social sympathies, while people would admire 
 them as the "best fellows in the world," they would not be 
 obliged to regret in their behalf a course of dissipation and 
 folly. Thus it is that even the most admired virtues become 
 vicious, unless they are directed in their exercise by that 
 " sweet reasonableness " which " turns to scorn the false- 
 hood of extremes." 
 
CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 VITAL FORCE. 
 
 " Faraday was a man of excitable and fiery nature ; but, through 
 high self-discipline, he had converted the fire into a central glow and 
 motive power of life, instead of permitting it to waste itself in useless 
 passion." Tyndill. 
 
 " Dost thou love life, then do not squander time (or energy), for that 
 is the stuff life is made of." Franklin. 
 
 jLTHOUGH we have not the slightest concep. 
 tion of what life is in itself, and consequently 
 could not define it, we may, for the sake of 
 convenience, think of it as a kind of force. 
 
 "In the wonderful story," says Professor 
 Huxley in his " Lay Sermons," " of the Peau de Chagrin, 
 the hero becomes possessed of a magical wild ass's skin, 
 which yields him the means of gratifying all his wishes. But 
 its surface represents the duration of the proprietor's life ; 
 and for every satisfied desire, the skin shrinks in proportion 
 to the intensity of fruition, until at length life and the last 
 
VITAL FORCE. 21: 
 
 handbreadth of the peau de chagrin disappear with the 
 gratification of a last wish. Protoplasm or the physical 
 basis of life is a veritable peau de chagrin^ and for every vital 
 act it is somewhat the smaller. All work implies waste, and 
 the work of life results, directly or indirectly, in the waste of 
 protoplasm. Every word uttered by a speaker costs him 
 some physical loss ; and, in the strictest sense, he burns 
 that others may have light so much eloquence, so much of 
 his body resolved into carbonic acid, water, and urea. It is 
 clear that this process of expenditure cannot go on for ever. 
 But, happily, the protoplasmic peau de chagrin differs in its 
 capacity of being repaired and brought back to its full size 
 after every exertion. For example, this present lecture is 
 conceivably expressible by the number of grains of proto- 
 plasm and other bodily substance wasted in maintaining my 
 vital processes during its delivery. My peau de chagrin will 
 be distinctly smaller at the end of the discourse than it was 
 at the beginning. J3y and by I shall have recourse to the 
 substance commonly called mutton, for the purpose of 
 stretching it back to its original size." 
 
 This explanation may be very philosophical, but it is only 
 a roundabout way of saying that, within reasonable bounds, 
 we can recover the effects of exhaustion by proper food and 
 rest; which, as a fact, people are pretty well acquainted 
 with. The error to be avoided is, in any shape to make 
 such a pull on the constitution as to be beyond the 
 reach of recovery. Life-stuff, or protoplasm, is an inherent 
 quantity not to be heedlessly wasted ; and this truth be- 
 comes more apparent the older we grow. Why is one man 
 
212 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 greater, in the sense of being more powerful, than another ? 
 Because he knows how to get out of himself a greater 
 amount of work with less waste of life-stuff. 
 
 We see from experience that the more men have to do 
 the more they can do. And this paradox is only reasonable, 
 for it is the necessity of great work that forces upon us 
 systematic habits, and teaches us to economize the power 
 that is in us. With the cares of an empire on their 
 shoulders, Prime Ministers can make time to write poems, 
 novels, Homeric or Biblical studies. It is the busy-idle 
 man who never loses an opportunity of assuring you that 
 " he has not a moment in the day to himself, and that really 
 he has no time to look round him." Of course idle people 
 have no time to spare, because they have never learned how 
 to save the odd minutes of the day, and because their vital 
 energy is expended in fuss rather than in work. 
 
 "He hath no leisure," says George Herbert, "who useth 
 it not;" that is to say, he who does not* save time for his 
 work when he can, is always in a hurry. One of the most 
 sublime conceptions of the Deity we can form is that He is 
 never idle, and never in a hurry. 
 
 The following words from a newspaper description of the 
 sublime calmness of power manifested by the huge hydraulic 
 crane used to lift a hundred ton gun, we take as our type 
 of the powerful man who knows how to economize his vital 
 force instead of wasting it by fussing : " Is there not some- 
 thing sublime in a hydraulic crane which lifts a Titanic 
 engine of destruction weighing a hundred tons to a con- 
 siderable height with as noiseless a calm and as much 
 
VITAL FORCE. 213 
 
 absence of apparent stress or strain as if it had been a boy- 
 soldier's pop-gun ? When we further read of the hydraulic 
 monster holding up its terrible burden motionless in mid- 
 air until it is photographed, and then lowering it gently and 
 quietly on a sort of extemporized cradle without the least 
 appearance of difficulty, one can readily understand that the 
 mental impression produced on the bystanders must have 
 been so solemn as to manifest itself in most eloquent 
 silence." With the same freedom from excitement and 
 difficulty does the strong man, who saves his force for 
 worthy objects, raise up morally and physically depressed 
 nations, take cities, or, what is harder to do still, rule his 
 own spirit. It is the fashion nowadays to say that people 
 are killed or turned into lunatics by overwork, and no 
 doubt there is much truth in the complaint. Neverthe- 
 less it would seem that vital force is wasted almost as 
 much by the idle man as by him who overworks himself 
 for the purpose of " getting on." It is indolence which 
 exhausts, by allowing the entrance of fretful thoughts 
 into the mind ; not action, in which there is health and 
 pleasure. We never knew a man without a profession who 
 did not seem always to be busy. It may be he was occu- 
 pied in worrying about the dinner or the place where he 
 should spend his holiday which he did not work for in 
 correcting his wife, in inventing pleasures, and abusing them 
 when found, in turning the house upside down by doing 
 little jobs foolishly supposed to be useful. And women, 
 too, when stretched on the rack of a too easy chair, are 
 they not forced to confess that there is as much vital force 
 
214 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 required to enable them to endure the "pains and penalties 
 of idleness " as would, if rightly directed, render them 
 useful, and therefore happy? The fact is, there are far 
 more who die of selfishness and idleness than of overwork, 
 for where men break down by overwork it is generally 
 from not taking care to order their lives and obey the 
 physical laws of health. 
 
 Let us consider a few of the many ways in which we 
 waste the stuff that life is made of. It has been well said 
 that "the habit of looking on the bright side of things is 
 worth far more than a thousand pounds a year ; " and cer- 
 tainly it is a habit that must add many years to the lives of 
 those who acquire it. Really every fit of despondency and 
 every rage take so much out of us, that any one who in- 
 dulges in either without a great struggle to prevent himself 
 doing so should be characterized as little less than a fool. 
 How silly it seems even to ourselves after cooling, to have 
 acquired a nervous headache, and to have become generally 
 done up, stamping round the room, and showing other signs 
 of foolish anger, because dinner was five minutes late, or 
 because some one's respect for us did not quite rise to the 
 high standard measured by our egotism ! As if it were not 
 far more important that we should save our vital energy, 
 and not get into a rage, than that dinner should be served 
 exactly to the moment. 
 
 One day a friend of Lord Palmerston asked him when 
 he considered a man to be in the prime of life ; his im- 
 mediate reply was " Seventy-nine. But," he added, with a 
 playful smile, "as I have just entered my eightieth year, 
 
VITAL FORCE. 215 
 
 perhaps I am myself a little past it ! " How is it that such 
 men work on vigorously to the end ? Because they treasure 
 their ever-diminishing vital force. They carefully refrain 
 from making a pull on the constitution. Reaching the 
 borders of seventy years of age, they as good as say to 
 themselves : " We must now take care what we are about." 
 They make sacrifices, avoid a number of treacherous gaieties, 
 and, living simply, they perhaps give some cause of offence, 
 for the world does not approve of singularity. But let those 
 laugh who win. They hold the censorious observations of 
 critics in derision, and maintain the even tenor of their 
 way. In other words, they conserve their vital force, and 
 try to keep above ground as long as possible. Blustering 
 natures, forgetful of the great truth that " power itself hath 
 not one-half the might of gentleness," miss the ends for 
 which they strive just because the force that is in them is 
 not properly economized. 
 
 Then as regards temper: any man who allows that to 
 master him wastes as much energy as would enable him 
 to remove the cause of anger or overcome an opponent. 
 The little boy of eight years old, who in the country is often 
 seen driving a team of four immense dray-horses, is one of 
 the innumerable instances of the power of reason over mere 
 brute-force, which should induce violent tempers to become 
 calm from policy, if from no higher motive. 
 
 Many people squander their life's energy by not living 
 enough in the present. They enjoy themselves badly and 
 work badly, because they are either regretting mistakes 
 committed in the past, or anticipating future sorrows. Now, 
 
216 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 certainly no waste of force is so foolish as this, because if 
 our mistakes are curable, the same energy would counteract 
 their bad effects as we expend in regretting ; and if they are 
 incurable, why think any more about them ? None but a 
 child cries over spilt milk. The mischief k done, and let 
 it be forgotten, only taking care for the future. Sometimes 
 people keep fretting about troubles that may never take 
 place, and spend life's energy on absolutely nothing. Real 
 worry from Torturations of various sorts is quite enough, 
 and causes a greater draught on our vital force than hard 
 work. Let us not, therefore, aggravate matters by anticipa- 
 ting troubles that are little better than visionary. 
 
 In looking ahead, it is of immense importance not to 
 enter into any transaction in which there are wild risks of 
 cruel disaster. There we touch on the grand worry of the 
 age. A violent haste to get rich ! Who shall say how 
 much the unnaturally rapid heart-beats with which rash 
 speculators in shares in highly varnished but extremely 
 doubtful undertakings receive telegraphic messages of bad 
 or good fortune, must use up their life's force? Hearts 
 beating themselves to death ! Rushing to trains, jumping 
 upstairs, eating too fast, going to work before digestion has 
 been completed these are habits acquired naturally in days 
 when it is the fashion to live at high-pressure; but such 
 habits are surely not unavoidable, and would be avoided if 
 we thoroughly valued our vital force. 
 
 There are persons of a nervous temperament who seem 
 to be always upon wires. Nature has given them energy ; 
 but their physique is in many cases inadequate to supply 
 
VITAL FORCE. 217 
 
 the demands made upon it. The steam is there, but the 
 boiler is too weak. Duke d'Alva, according to Fuller, must 
 have been of this nature. " He was one of a lean body 
 and visage, as if his eager soul, biting for anger at the clog 
 of his body, desired to fret a passage through it." The 
 same thought was wittily expressed by Sydney Smith when 
 he exclaimed : " Why, look there, at Jeffrey ; and there is 
 
 my little friend , who has not body enough to cover 
 
 his mind decently with ; his intellect is improperly exposed." 
 Now these are just the sort of people who should not kill 
 themselves, for, though wrapped in small parcels, they are 
 good goods. They owe it as a duty to themselves and 
 others not to allow their fiery souls " to fret their pygmy 
 bodies to decay" not to throw too much zeal into trifles, 
 in order that they may have a supply of life-force for things 
 important. He who desires to wear well must take for his 
 motto " Nothing in excess." Such a one avoids dinners of 
 many courses, goes to bed before twelve o'clock, and does 
 not devote his energy to the endurance of overheated 
 assemblies. When young men around him have got 
 athletics on the brain, he keeps his head and health by 
 exercising only moderately. He is not ambitious of being 
 in another's place, but tries quietly to adorn his own. "Give 
 me innocence ; make others great ! " When others are 
 killing themselves to get money, and to get it quickly, that 
 with it they may make a show, he prays the prayer of Agur, 
 " Give me neither poverty nor riches," for he thinks more of 
 the substance than of the shadow. This is the truly wise 
 and successful man, and to him shall be given, by the 
 
218 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 Divine laws of nature, riches (that is, contentment), and 
 honour (that is, self-respect), and a long life, because he did 
 not waste the steam by which the machine was worked. In 
 homely proverb, he "kept his breath to cool his porridge," 
 and most probably was a disciple of Izaak Walton. 
 
 At this point, perhaps the secret thoughts of some who 
 have not yet learned how " it is altogether a serious matter 
 to be alive," may take this shape. " What, after all," they 
 may ask, " is the good of economizing life's force ? Often I 
 hardly know what to do with myself, nor have I much pur- 
 pose in life beyond eating, drinking, and sleeping." To 
 such thoughts we should give somewhat of the following 
 answer : There is a work for every single person in the 
 world, and his happiness as well as his duty lies in doing 
 that work well. This is a consideration which should com- 
 municate a zest to our feelings about life. We should 
 rejoice, as experience teaches us that each of us has the 
 means of being useful, and thus of being happy. None is 
 left out, however humble may be our position and limited 
 our faculties, for we all can do our best ; and though success 
 may not be ours, it is enough if we have deserved it. Cer- 
 tainly if there be any purpose in the universe, a day will 
 come when we shall all have to answer such questions as 
 these : " You were given a certain amount of life-force ; what 
 have you done with it ? Where are your works? Did you 
 try to make the little corner in which you were placed 
 happier and better than it was before you came into it ? " 
 One day we shall all think nothing so valuable as the 
 smallest amount of that force without which we cannot live. 
 
CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 SUCCESS IN LIFE. 
 
 '* If I were a cobbler, it would be my pride 
 
 The best of all cobblen to be ; 
 If I were a tinker, no tinker beside 
 
 Should mend an old kettle like me." Old Song. 
 
 " He, and he only, possesses the earth, as he goes towards that 
 kingdom of heaven, by being humble and cheerful, and content with 
 what his good God has allotted him. He has no turbulent, repining, 
 vexatious thoughts that he deserves better ; nor is vexed when he sees 
 others possessed of more honour or more riches than his wise God has 
 allotted for his share ; but he possesses what he has with a meek and 
 contented quietness, such a quietness as makes his very dreams pleasing, 
 both to God and himself. "Izaak Walton. 
 
 UT what a rare thing is success in life ! " said 
 Endymion. "I often wonder whether I 
 shall ever be able to step out of the crowd." 
 "You may have success in life without 
 stepping out of the crowd," said the baron. 
 This answer of the baron, quoted from Lord Beacons- 
 
220 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN: 9 
 
 field's story, seems to us to sum up the true philosophy of 
 life. " You may have success in life without stepping out of 
 the crowd." It is well to be assured of this, for to succeed 
 in life is the natural ambition, if not of every young Endy- 
 mion, at least of his parents for him. If to succeed in life 
 it were necessary to become very famous, very powerful, or 
 very rich, success would be the monopoly of but a very few 
 people. It has been calculated that not more than one in 
 four thousand may be expected to attain distinction, and 
 that not one in a million possesses that wonderful thing 
 called genius. 
 
 But there is a real sort of success that cannot be monopo- 
 lized. Our being's end and aim is to be good and to do 
 good. Here every one may succeed, for character is a kind of 
 wealth that knows no failure. "They truly are faithful," says 
 the author of the " Imitatio Christi," "who devote their entire 
 lives to amendment." Every man may make his life success- 
 ful in this sense. And as one is never so successful as when 
 he thinks least of success, such an one will probably gain in 
 the long run more happiness, and exercise a' greater influence 
 in the world than his more grasping neighbour. We miss 
 the force of the words of St. James, " God is no respecter of 
 persons," when we forget that the original meaning of the 
 word person (persona) was the. mask worn by an actor. In 
 the great tragi-comedy of life each sustains a " person." 
 What the role is in the play which each sustains, this God 
 does not regard, but only how he sustains it. And we may 
 be sure that he who cannot play well a subordinate part in 
 the drama of life, will do no better if given a higher role. 
 
SUCCESS IN LIFE. 221 
 
 The great natural philosopher, Faraday, who was the son of 
 a blacksmith, wrote, Vhen a young man, to Sir H. Davy, ask- 
 ing for employment at the Royal Institution. Sir H. Davy 
 consulted a friend on the matter. " Here is a letter from a 
 young man named Faraday; he has been attending my 
 lectures, and wants me to give him employment at the Royal 
 Institution what can I do ? " " Do ? put him to wash 
 bottles ; if he is good for anything he will do it directly ; if 
 he refuses he is good for nothing." Faraday washing bottles 
 would be quite as successful a man as Professor Faraday 
 lecturing at the Royal Institution if both kinds of work were 
 equally well done. 
 
 But there is hardly any one who sets self-development 
 before him as an aim in life. 'An idol called " success " is 
 put up for worship, and people are ready to sacrifice health 
 and happiness upon its altar. 
 
 In his book on " Responsibility in Mental Disease," Dr. 
 Maudsley well says : " The aims which chiefly predominate 
 riches, position, power, applause of men are such as inevit- 
 ably breed and foster many bad passions in the eager com- 
 petition to attain them. Hence, in fact, come disappointed 
 ambition, jealousy, grief from loss of fortune, all the torments 
 of wounded self-love, and a thousand other mental sufferings 
 the commonly enumerated moral causes of insanity. They 
 are griefs of a kind to which a rightly developed nature 
 should not fall a prey. There need be no disappointed 
 ambition if a man were to set before himself a true aim in 
 life, and to work definitely for it ; no envy nor jealousy, if 
 he considered that it mattered not whether he did a great 
 
222 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 thing or some one else did it, Nature's only concern being 
 that it should be done ; no grief from loss of fortune, if he 
 estimated at its true value that which fortune can bring him, 
 and that which fortune can never bring him ; no wounded 
 self-love, if he had learned well the eternal lesson of life 
 self-renunciation." 
 
 This may be called " unpractical " ; but we cannot help 
 thinking that if parents would sometimes reflect on such 
 ideals, they would have less of false and more of true am- 
 bition than they now have. They would wish their children 
 to turn out useful rather than brilliant, good rather than 
 clever. As it is, a dull child is too often snubbed and ren- 
 dered miserable because he does not give promise of shining 
 in the world ; while his precocious brother, who will prob- 
 ably do far less (precocious brains being often the worst), is 
 lionized to strangers, and regarded as a sort of Liebig's 
 Essence for the support of the family. Perhaps it is owing 
 to this association of early ideas that at school the clever 
 boy who spends the shortest time possible at his books is 
 considered by his companions a far greater man than his less 
 clever class-fellow who wins in the long run by working 
 more conscientiously. 
 
 How much uselessness as well as unhappiness might 
 children be spared if their parents would goad them less and 
 sometimes cheer up that dulness which has fallen to the lot 
 of most of us, by saying : 
 
 " Be good, dear child, and let who will be clever ; 
 
 Do noble things nor dream them all day long 
 And so make life, death, and that vast forever, 
 One grand sweet song." 
 
SUCCESS IN LIFE. 223 
 
 To make money, to be talked about, to get one's name into 
 the papers, to be seen in the society of titled people this 
 is the only success in life that many people can imagine. To 
 such persons we might say, " Succeeding ? what is the great 
 use of succeeding ? Failing ? where is the great harm ? " 
 For, as Macaulay moralizes in his "Sermon in a Church- 
 yard": 
 
 " The plots and feats of those that press 
 
 To seize on titles, wealth, and power, 
 Shall seem to thee a game of chess, 
 Devised to pass a tedious hour. 
 
 What matters it to him who fights 
 
 For shows of unsubstantial good, 
 Whether his kings and queens and knights 
 
 Be things of flesh, or things of wood ? 
 
 We check and take, exult and fret ; 
 
 Our plans extend, our passions rise, 
 Till in our ardour we forget 
 
 How worthless is the victor's prize. 
 
 Soon fades the spell, soon comes the night. 
 
 Say, will it not be then the same 
 Whether we play the black or white, 
 
 Whether we lose or win the game ? " 
 
 We are not so foolish as to affect to despise fame, money, 
 rank, power. Desire of fame, if it be an infirmity, is the in- 
 firmity of noble minds, and the spur to great achievement. 
 But we must distinguish between fame and notoriety. To be 
 talked about is very different from being famous. Indeed, 
 it not seldom happens that the more a man is talked about 
 the less is his real influence. Let us not torment our lives 
 and mar ultimate usefulness by striving after cheap publicity. 
 
224 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 It is certainly the part of wise men to endeavour * to 
 catch Dame Fortune's golden smile " 
 
 " Not for to hide it in a hedge, 
 Nor for a train-attendant ; 
 But for the glorious privilege 
 Of being independent." 
 
 And also because money is a great force which may be put 
 to very noble uses. We all know, however, that money 
 cannot buy happiness. There are the miserable rich as well 
 as the " miserable poor." Great wealth is sometimes a heavy 
 burden, and the life of a very rich person may be and often 
 is a great failure. 
 
 Nor should we envy those in power unless we are sure 
 that we would make a good use of their position. That the 
 possession of such things as wealth and rank do not neces- 
 sarily constitute success, is proved by the despairing words 
 of many, who with every outward advantage have failed 
 utterly in life. Apparently successful people are sometimes 
 great failures. As life goes on most people begin to feel that 
 the word " happy " has no light meaning, and requires more 
 than mere worldly prosperity or enjoyment to answer to its 
 signification. Sick of herself through very selfishness, the 
 wife of the Grand Monarque, Louis XIV., thus spoke in her 
 hour of death : " Do you not see that I am dying of weari- 
 ness amidst a fortune that can scarcely be imagined ? I 
 have been young and pretty ; I have tasted pleasure. I have 
 been everywhere loved, In an age more advanced I have 
 passed some years in the commerce of the mind, and I pro- 
 test to you that all conditions leave a frightful void. I can 
 
SUCCESS IN LIFE. 225 
 
 endure no more, I wish only to die." Here surely is an 
 illustration of the words, " Whosoever will save his life shall 
 lose it." 
 
 Sometimes the very greatness of a man's ambition renders 
 him contented. It was so in the case of Dr. Arnold. Speak- 
 ing of his own early struggles to a Rugby pupil, who was 
 consulting him on the choice of a profession, he said, " I be- 
 lieve that, naturally, I am one of the most ambitious men 
 alive," and " the three great objects of human ambition," he 
 added, to which alone he could look as deserving the name, 
 were, " to be the prime minister of a great kingdom, the 
 governor of a great empire, or the writer of works which 
 should live in every age and in every country." " But in 
 some respects," says his biographer, " the loftiness of his aim 
 made it a matter of less difficulty to confine himself to a 
 sphere in which, whilst he felt himself well and usefully 
 employed, he felt also that the practical business of his 
 daily duties acted as a check upon his own inclinations and 
 speculations." "I have always thought," wrote Dr. Arnold, 
 " with regard to ambition, that I should like to be ant Ccesar 
 aut nullus, and as it is pretty well settled for me that I shall 
 not be Ctzsar, I am quite content to live in peace as nullus. ' 
 
 We must, however, guard against becoming a prey to 
 apathetic indolence while endeavouring to escape the fret- 
 ful stir and unprofitable fever of "getting on." "Whatso- 
 ever thy hand findeth to do, do it with all thy might," is 
 the motto of noble ambition, not less, but far more than 
 of vulgar self-seeking. It requires much more persever- 
 ance and energy to perfect character than to become a 
 
226 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 " great success " in the estimation of the world. The suc- 
 cess which may be obtained without stepping out of the 
 crowd the success open to all is only gained in actual 
 fact by patient continuance in well-doing. It is not ease 
 but effort, not smoothness but difficulty, that makes manly 
 men and Christian character. 
 
 Our age worships success, and, as a consequence, we are 
 often brutally unfair in our estimate of "failures." A 
 chapter of accidents raises one general or statesman to the 
 highest heaven of popular favour. Another is called hard 
 names because time and chance were against him, and he 
 could not accomplish impossibilities. "The world which 
 credits what is done is cold to all that might have been." 
 . But the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the 
 strong. While there are victories as disastrous as defeats, 
 there are such things as victorious failures. A man may do 
 his best and fail to gain the prize or position at which he 
 aims. And yet his apparent failure may be a real success 
 if he have worked in the spirit of the noble lines 
 
 " "Tis not in mortals to command success, 
 But we'll do more, Sempronius j we'll deserve it." 
 
 Some time ago a man sent a circular to many of the so- 
 called leading men in different positions of life, politely 
 requesting them to be good enough to explain why they 
 were failures. Imagine the feelings of a certain duke, 
 cabinet minister, bishop, general, barrister, medical man of 
 high reputation and others, on receiving this invitation. It 
 was scarcely like an additional lump of sugar in their 
 
SUCCESS IN L1PE. 227 
 
 breakfast cup of tea to be asked to think actually to 
 think if they were really as great successes after all as a 
 foolish world gave them credit for being. It was once said 
 of the highest ecclesiastic in Christendom, that for the 
 sake of gaining to-day, he had thrown away to-morrow for 
 ever. A monk prayed to know where he would sit in 
 Paradise, and he had a dream in which he found himself 
 placed at the feet of an old washerwoman. 
 
 In the great by and by there will be a change all round, 
 and many that are first shall be last, while the last shall be 
 first. Every one is at least morally more successful or less 
 successful than he appears to his neighbours, 
 
 " To One is the secret shown 
 Of the hidden the double life ; 
 To One is its conflict known, 
 Of the better and baser at strife. 
 If I am not what others may deem, 
 Yet judge me not counterfeit, sham ; 
 I am far less good than I seem, 
 Yet I seem not so good as I am ! " 
 
 We see, then, that it is quite possible to be successful 
 without forcing one's self into a higher grade of society, as 
 it is foolishly called. Let every man strive to succeed in 
 his own line. The carpenter who makes good chairs and 
 tables better deserves a crown than a king who cannot 
 govern. We must all admire and consider successful the 
 crossing-sweeper whose honest pride it was that he could do 
 " an ornamental piece of sweeping round a lamp-post." To 
 cease from sin, to become virtuous, to cleanse one's heart 
 by the grace of God this is to be successful in life. 
 
CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 U IN ALL TIME OF OUR WEALTH." 
 
 " The meanest floweret of the vale, 
 The simplest note that swells the gale, 
 The common sun, the air, the skies, 
 To him are opening paradise. 
 From toil he wins his spirits light, 
 From busy day the peaceful night ; 
 Rich, from the very want of wealth, 
 In heaven's best treasures, peace and health." Gfay. 
 
 t( Let not the blessings we receive daily from God make us not to value, 
 or not praise Him, because they be common ; let not us forget to praise 
 Him for the innocent mirth and pleasure we have met with since we 
 met together. What would a blind man give to see the pleasant rivers 
 and meadows, and flowers and fountains, that we have met with since 
 we met together ? "Izaak Walton. 
 
 jN all time of our wealth." Most people know 
 the meaning of this phrase in the Litany. 
 Of course it does not mean in all time when 
 we have plenty of change in our pockets, 
 and a respectable account at our bankers ; 
 but in all time of our well-being, when we have health and 
 
"IN ALL TIME OF OUR WEALTH? 229 
 
 youth, and the capacity of loving^nd kind friends to love us 
 in a word, when we have nature's riches. It is curious how 
 we despise our best gifts merely because they are common, 
 and refuse to consider ourselves prosperous and well off 
 unless we possess many coins and titles things outside our- 
 selves. In his old age, Montaigne used to say, " I am ready 
 to jump out of my skin with joy, as for an uncommon favour, 
 when nothing ails me." Considering how common disease is, 
 and the terrible forms of it that afflict many better people 
 than ourselves, ought we not all to be ready to jump out of 
 our skins with joy, as for an uncommon favour, when nothing 
 ails us ? Health is the best kind of wealth ; but few of us 
 appreciate its value until we lose it. What is health but the 
 perfection of life, and the one great boon which gives the 
 means of enjoying all the others? It is the portal through 
 which life can enter upon its natural enjoyments. Without 
 health the salt of life loses its savour ; whereas, when health 
 is in its prime, the troubles and reverses of life weigh not 
 more heavily than the raindrops which glide off the duck's 
 back. Indeed, at times rare times it may be, in this high- 
 pressure age a state of health may be distinctly felt as a 
 happiness of itself, being the perfection of that rhythmic and 
 harmonious movement of varied powers and sensations 
 which constitutes existence. 
 
 ' Even greater riches than health can give come from 
 loving and being loved. Love is the only thing that will 
 pay ten per cent, interest on the outlay. Joy is wealth, and 
 loving and being loved produce the highest and most lasting 
 joy. Love is the legal tender of the soul, and we need not 
 
230 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 be rich to be happy. If a man were emperor of the whole 
 world, and never had loved, and never was loved, he would 
 have to confess that to him the time of wealth never came. 
 It is not necessary to be rich in order to be happy. It is 
 only necessary to love. The real wealth of a man is the 
 number of things which he loves and blesses, and by which 
 he is loved and blessed. Unhappily, many people only love 
 their friends when they have gone from them, for regret is 
 an instructive thing, and tears enlighten our understanding. ) 
 " She's good, being gone ! " exclaims Shakespeare's Antony, 
 when the death of his wife is told him. He had not been 
 a good husband to Fulvia, nor had Fulvia been a gentle 
 and winsome wife to him who was the slave of Cleopatra. 
 But of even Fulvia's death Antony could not hear without 
 emotion, without a pang of remorse. He had ill-treated 
 her, and he knew it ; he perhaps had hastened her death, 
 and he felt it. 
 
 " She's good, being gone ; 
 These hands would pluck her back that shoved her on." 
 
 How we prize what we despised when present 1 
 
 " It so falls out, 
 
 That what we have we prize not to the worth 
 Whiles we enjoy it j but being lack'd and lost, 
 Why, then we rack the value ; then we find 
 The virtue, that possession would not show us 
 Whiles it was ours." 
 
 The ghosts of our dead associations rise and haunt us, 
 in revenge for our having let them starve, and abandoned 
 them to perish. In his " Reminiscences," Carlyle thus 
 
U IN ALL TIME OF OUR WEALTH" 231 
 
 speaks of his dead wife : " Alas, her love was never com- 
 pletely known to me, and how celestial it was, till I lost 
 her ! Oh, for five minutes more of her ! I have often said, 
 since April last, to tell her with what perfect love and admi- 
 ration, as of the beautifulest of known human souls, I did 
 intrinsically always regard her! But all minutes of the 
 time are inexorably past ; be wise, all ye living, and remem- 
 ber that time passes and does not return. 5 ' Elsewhere again 
 " Blind and deaf that we are : oh, think, if thou yet love 
 anybody living, wait not till death sweep down the paltry 
 little dust-clouds and idle dissonances of the moment, and 
 all be at last so mournfully clear and beautiful, when it is 
 too late." In this respect, as in so many others, we despise 
 
 the time of our best wealth. 
 
 / 
 
 " "Pis sad to see, with death between, 
 The good we have passed, and have not seen." 
 
 Nor is it only the love of persons that makes us really 
 wealthy. The naturalist, who loves things small as well as 
 great, and studies the creatures of the woods and fields, 
 gains a treasure which is imperishable. It is laid away 
 where moth and rust do not corrupt, and thieves do not 
 break through and steal. 
 
 " The heart is hard in nature, and unfit 
 For human fellowship, as being void 
 Of sympathy, and therefore dead alike 
 To love and friendship, that is not pleased 
 With sight of animals enjoying life, 
 Nor feels their happiness augment his own. 
 
232 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN? 
 
 Happy who walks with him ! whom what he finds 
 
 Of flavour or of scent in fruit or flower, 
 
 Or what he views of beautiful or grand 
 
 In nature, from the broad majestic oak 
 
 To the green blade that t-.vinkles in the sun, 
 
 Prompts with remembrance of a present God." 
 
 " To see is to have," says a French proverb. The owner 
 of an estate may not be its real possessor ; for he may be 
 unable to enjoy it. A millionaire pays thousands of pounds 
 for a gallery of paintings, and some boy or girl comes in, 
 with open mind and poetic fancy, and carries away a trea- 
 sure of beauty which the owner never saw. In some cases, 
 ownership is essential to enjoyment ; in others, ownership 
 excludes it, since the most beautiful things are by nature 
 indivisible. What are the things that give men the keenest 
 joy? Precisely the things which belong to no one; such 
 as national glory, the greatness of the past, the supreme 
 works of literature and art, the beauties of nature. 
 
 Again, a good name is rather to be chosen than great 
 riches. Character is property. It is the noblest of posses- 
 sions. Charteris, a notorious scoundrel of his time, once 
 said to a man who was distinguished for his religious 
 principles, " I would give a thousand pounds to have your 
 good character." " Why ? " inquired the other. " Because 
 I would make ten thousand pounds by it," was the reply. 
 Epictetus once received a visit from a certain magnificent 
 orator going to Rome on a lawsuit, who wished to learn 
 from the Stoic something of his philosophy. Epictetus 
 received his visitor coolly, not believing in his sincerity. 
 "You will only criticize my style," said he; "not really 
 
"IN ALL TIME OF OUR WEALTH? 233 
 
 wishing to learn principles." " Well, but," said the orator, 
 " if I attend to that sort of thing, I shall be a mere pauper 
 like you, with no plate, nor equipage, nor land." " I don't 
 want such things," replied Epictetus; "and besides, you 
 are poorer than I am, after all. Patron or no patron, what 
 care I ? You do care. I am richer than you. I don't 
 care what Caesar thinks of me. I flatter no one. This is 
 what I have, instead of your gold and silver plate. You 
 have silver vessels, but earthenware reasons, principles, ap- 
 petites. My mind to me a kingdom is, and it furnishes 
 me with abundant and happy occupation in lieu of your 
 restless idleness. All your possessions seem small to 
 you; mine seem great to me. Your desire is insatiate 
 mine is satisfied." 
 
 ( Consider, again, how wealthy persons are who have 
 succeeded in cultivating good tempers./ Hume, the his- 
 torian, has left on record his opinion, that the disposition 
 to look on the bright side of things, and to make the best 
 of everything that is good, is equivalent to a large fortune 
 to its happy possessor. To himself at least his habit of 
 looking on the bright side of things must have" been to Nas- 
 myth as valuable as the invention of the steam-hammer. 
 His biographer tells us that he used to think one of his 
 friends had a charming and kindly twinkle, till one day he 
 discovered that he had a glass eye. 
 
 " My kingdom for a moment," said Queen Elizabeth on 
 her death-bed ; and when we come to die we, too, shall con- 
 sider time the truest riches. And yet, when young and 
 strong, how prodigal we are of this the stuff of which out 
 
234 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 lives are made. We kill time, though in doing so we are 
 far more wasteful than a millionaire would be if he were to 
 throw sovereigns and diamonds into the sea. 
 
 Pope's line " Man never is but always to be blessed " 
 furnishes a key to the characters of a large class of persons. 
 The simple pleasures of li'fe which it is in the power of 
 every one to enjoy are uncared for by them. The beauties 
 of nature on a summer day, home, the love of children, the 
 pleasures of friendship these things they will not condes- 
 cend to notice, much less to appreciate at their true value. 
 They are always expecting to be happy in a future day. 
 Discontented with the present, they crave after some enjoy- 
 ment of a thrilling, exciting kind, which they look forward 
 to obtaining in the future. They can never realize the fact 
 that they are blessed in the present, and that the future 
 will bring with it no greater blessings. Those who are of 
 this temperament feel very melancholy when they arrive 
 at the period of middle age, and look back upon their lives. 
 They have had blessings showered upon them, and yet they 
 have enjoyed nothing. " My life is passing very quickly," 
 they think, " but up to this time with what I most enjoyed 
 I have been least contented. Little things seemed too 
 small to afford enjoyment, and great pleasures never came. 
 And yet how happy I might have been if only I had lived 
 in the present, and ceased to expect some moment of un- 
 defined pleasure in the future. Like an absent-minded 
 man who looks about for his hat when it is on his head, 
 I have had simple pleasures near me without ever becoming 
 aware of the fact." We go on a day's excursion, and some 
 
"IN ALL TIME OF OUR WEALTH? 235 
 
 little jealousy against a fellow excursionist deprives us of the 
 enjoyment to which we had looked forward. We get out of 
 bed " on the wrong side," as it is said, and on that day our 
 only pleasure is to be displeased. Like spoiled children, 
 we break our toys and cry for new ones. We become sick 
 of ourselves through very selfishness, and lo ! hateful are the 
 bright blue sky and the fowls of the air and the lilies of 
 the fields ; and we care for nobody, and nobody cares for 
 us. The present we do not enjoy, but the future surely 
 that will bring us bliss ? No ; for if a man is not blessed 
 he never will be. Truly we are happier than we know, and 
 we ought to ask God in all time of our wealth to give us 
 that due sense of His mercies, that our hearts may be un- 
 feignedly thankful. As at an auction we let good bargains 
 pass because we fail to quickly appreciate and bid for them, 
 so we do in life. We let pass and never bid for many of the 
 best things it is daily offering to us. 
 
 " Oft as the price-descending hammer falls 
 He notes it in his book, then raps his box, 
 Swears 'tis a bargain, rails at his hard fate 
 That he has let it pass but never bids." 
 
 " Is life worth living ? " It depends upon the liver. If 
 one don't eat too much there is enjoyment in the world ; 
 all have trials, but an end will come soon enough. " 'Tis 
 always morning somewhere in the world" this motto, 
 written on a sun-dial, teaches us to look for the bright side 
 that belongs to everything.) 
 
 Whatever be our lot it might be worse. ^Esop tells us 
 that when the fox complained of the want of a tail, the mould- 
 
236 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 warp was very wroth with him and his companions. " Yen 
 complain of toys, but I am blind j be quiet." " Fancy, 5 
 says Carlyle to the grumbler, " thou deservest to be hanged 
 (as is most likely), thou wilt feel it happiness to be only shot" 
 
 " Having food and raiment, let us be content." Dioge- 
 nes, walking through a country fair, and observing ribbons 
 and looking-glasses, and nutcrackers, and fiddles, and 
 hobby horses, and many other gimcracks, is said to have 
 exclaimed, " Lord, how many things there are in the world 
 of which Diogenes hath no need ! " " Who is the richest 
 of men ? " asked Socrates. " He who is content with the 
 least, for contentment is nature's riches." Enough is enough. 
 
 But there are some people who, like the Irish nation, 
 don't want to be satisfied ; and yet if all men had to bring 
 their burdens and lay them down, the most discontented 
 would prefer to keep their own rather than carry the bur- 
 dens of their neighbours. " Thy will be done." Resigna- 
 tion calms our passions, controls our murmurs, curtails our 
 griefs, and kindles our cheerfulness. It is, as Bishop Butler 
 has said, " the whole of religion." Do your best, and trust 
 for the rest. Contentment produces, in some measure, all 
 those effects which the alchymist used to ascribe to what 
 he called the Philosopher's Stone ; and if it does not bring 
 riches, it does the same thing by banishing the desire for 
 
 them. 
 
 " Art thou poor, yet hast thou golden slumbers ? 
 
 O sweet content ! 
 Art thou rich, yet is thy mind perplexed ? 
 
 O punishment ! 
 
 Dost thou laugh to see how fools are vexed 
 To add to golden numbers, golden numbers ? 
 O sweet content ! O sweet, O sweet content 1 " 
 
"IN ALL TIME OF OUR WEALTH? 
 
 237 
 
 Certainly there is such a thing as "divine discontent." 
 We should never be content with our sins and imperfec- 
 tions, but take " Excelsior " for our motto, and always en- 
 deavour to move upwards. In this sense it is surely better 
 to be Socrates discontented, than a pig contented. Every 
 one is as God made him, and oftentimes a great deal worse. 
 That we are worse off morally than we might be, is the only 
 real cause we have for discontent, and surely the remedy is 
 in our own hands. 
 
CHAPTER XXV 
 
 MORE SUNSHINE. 
 
 " In your hearts are the birds and the sunshine, 
 In your thoughts the brooklet's flow. " Longfellow 
 
 " Think, every morning when the sun peeps through 
 The dim, leaf-latticed windows of the grove, 
 How jubilant the happy birds renew 
 Their old melodious madrigals of love ! 
 And when you think of this, remember, too, 
 'Tis always morning somewhere, and above 
 The awakening continents, from shore to shore, 
 Somewhere the birds are singing evermore." Ibid. 
 
 " 'Tis the greatest folly 
 Not to be jolly ; 
 That's what I think \"Ibid. 
 
 ]HE fable tells us that the North Wind and the 
 Sun disputed which was the more powerful, 
 and agreed that he should be declared the 
 victor who could first strip a wayfaring man 
 of his clothes. The North Wind first tried 
 his power, and blew with all his might, but the keener 
 
MORE SUNSHINE. 239 
 
 became his blasts the closer the traveller wrapped his cloak 
 around him, till at last, resigning all hope of victory, he 
 called upon the Sun to see what he could do. The sun 
 suddenly shone out with all his warmth. The traveller no 
 sooner felt his genial rays than he took off one garment after 
 another, and at last, fairly overcome with heat, undressed, 
 and bathed in a stream that lay in his path. 
 
 This parable teaches that persuasion is better than force, 
 and we may learn from it also how powerful is the moral 
 sun of an unselfish temper in stripping off certain habits 
 that make people hard to live with. We all know that there 
 is such a thing as moral sunshine, and that domestic 
 happiness depends for its very existence upon its powerful 
 influence. The moment we enter a sunny household we 
 feel its genial warmth. Husband and wife pull together, 
 they love and help each other. The children like their 
 lives, and every one in the household feels their happiness. 
 The servants find their places so comfortable that they mean 
 to make the house their home. There is a natural grace 
 and ease; a sense of refuge from disquiet. Truly the light 
 of such homes is sweet, and a pleasant thing it is for the 
 eyes to behold the sun. 
 
 But there are other and very different homes. The 
 shadows that God sends into them may be few, but the 
 inmates make for themselves many. Such a self-made 
 shadow is grumbling. What if breakfast be a few moments 
 late, or the coffee not quite clear ? for such things as these 
 is a man to be sour with his wife and disagreeable to his 
 children ? What though a girl tear her frock, a boy bring a 
 
240 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 little mud indoors on careless feet, or both run up and down 
 stairs faster and with more noise than is desirable ? For 
 these things shall mother fret and fume, assume the air of 
 an injured martyr, or scold like " Katharine the curst" ? 
 
 "A woman mov'd is like a fountain troubled, 
 Muddy, ill-seeming, thick, bereft of beauty." 
 
 How foolish she is to thus disfigure herself as well as her 
 home by reason of trifling troubles, which, a hundred 
 minutes after they occur, seem even to herself to be of no 
 more importance than " the thin end of nothing whittled 
 fine!" 
 
 Sunlike pleasures never shine in idle homes. If a useful 
 occupation or innocent hobby be not provided for the 
 several members of a family they are sure to spend their 
 time in maliciously tormenting each other. Something 
 attempted, something done, not only earns the night's repose, 
 but enables us to enjoy the sunshine of contentment and 
 good temper during the day. Much of our melancholy ill- 
 humour disappears like a nightmare the moment we bestir 
 ourselves. Even the baby must have its attention occupied, 
 or it will loudly testify to its hatred of ennui. 
 
 " There is a firefly in the Southern clime 
 That shineth only when upon the wing. 
 So is it with the mind ; when once we rest, we darken." 
 
 How much more we might make of our family life, if every 
 secret thought of love blossomed into a deed ! We do not 
 speak of personal caresses. These may, or may not, be the 
 best language of affection. Many are endowed with a 
 
MORE SUNSHINE. 241 
 
 delicacy, a fastidiousness of physical organization, which 
 shrinks from too much of these, repelled and overpowered. 
 But there are words and looks, and little observances, and 
 watchful attentions, which speak of love, which make it 
 manifest, and there is scarce a family which might not be 
 richer in heart wealth for more of them. 
 
 It is a mistake to suppose that relations must, of course, 
 love each other because they are relations. Love must be 
 cultivated, and can be increased by judicious culture, as 
 wild fruits may double their bearing under the hand of a 
 gardener ; and love can dwindle and die out by neglect, as 
 choice flower- seeds planted in poor soil dwindle and grow 
 single. 
 
 We do not wish to imply by anything that has been said 
 that the members of a family should form themselves into 
 " a mutual admiration society," too polite ever to find x fault 
 or make any attempt to improve each other. Such excessive 
 sweetness would not be wholesome. 
 
 Good nature is not everything. Indeed it is possible to 
 be so good-natured as to be good for nothing. Manners 
 may be only skin deep. A man may " smile and smile and 
 be a villain," and we have all known husbands and fathers 
 who flattered and tried to please their wives and children by 
 words only. A groom used to spend whole days in curry- 
 combing and rubbing down his horse, but at the same time 
 stole his oats and sold them. " Alas ! " said the horse, " if 
 you really wish me to be in good condition, you would 
 groom me less, and feed me more." Still the rubbing down 
 process need not and ought not to be neglected. The 
 
 16 
 
242 " MANNERS MAK YTH MAN." 
 
 "good condition" of a family depends to a great degree 
 upon the true politeness of its several members. 
 
 " By soft endearments in kind strife 
 Lightening the load of daily life ! " 
 
 Cheerfulness, kindliness of manner, and willingness to 
 oblige these are details of conduct which " like the small 
 change in the intercourse of life are always in request." 
 
 After all there is but one way of getting sunshine into our 
 hearts and homes. 
 
 " Oh ! not with gloomy brow severe, 
 
 But clad in smiles of seraph birth ; 
 Religion comes to light and cheer, 
 To sweeten and adorn the earth. 
 
 And would you see where she abides ? 
 
 Go seek the brightest house you know, 
 Where kind and generous thought presides, 
 
 And strains of happy feeling flow. 
 
 Where Honour shows the truest face, 
 
 And Virtue wears the mildest air, 
 And Duty moves with freest grace, 
 
 Nor doubt that Christian Faith is there." 
 
 Religion, when it comes in reality into men's hearts, urges 
 them to be kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving 
 one another even as they themselves feel that they have 
 been forgiven. It teaches them the art of living for others 
 so patiently and sweetly that they enjoy it as they do the 
 sunshine. Kindness in looks and words and ways is the 
 religious service that is most pleasing to Him who is kind 
 even to the unthankful and evil. Also it is true politeness, 
 and any one can have it if they only try to treat other people 
 
MORE SUNSHINE. 243 
 
 as they like to be treated themselves. " The most solid 
 comfort," says George Eliot, " one can fall back upon is the 
 thought that the business of one's life is to help, in some 
 small, nibbling way, to reduce the sum of ignorance, degra- 
 dation, and misery on the face of this beautiful earth." 
 
 Life has always been compared to a journey, and family 
 life may be compared to people journeying in a carriage 
 reserved for private use. How essential it is that each 
 should have the qualities of a good traveller ! There is a 
 good deal to test the temper and bring out character in one's 
 travels : there is often a competition of tastes and interests, 
 and one has to learn to bear and forbear. The outward 
 expression of the happy traveller is mainly that of gracious- 
 ness the most rare and engaging of human qualities. 
 There is a healthy mental and moral play of faculties ; there 
 is a harmony with oneself and all surroundings, and with 
 heaven ; there are insight and sympathy and the law of 
 kindness ; there is the desire to invest each life thrown into 
 contact with a portion of this happiness ; there is the 
 instinct to make the lightest of everything that is unfavour- 
 able. 
 
 On every trip you meet two classes of travellers. One is 
 always complaining of the dust, the noise, the disagreeable 
 people. When the weather has been very dry for a long 
 time, and it at last changes, the grumbler being unable to 
 complain of the rain, complains that it did not come sooner. 
 Very different is the easily-pleased traveller. He cannot go 
 half a dozen miles without meeting some agreeable com- 
 panion or some interesting adventure, and if the weather is 
 
244 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 not quite perfect he tells you cheerfully that " any weather 
 is better than none." So it is, that however lovely nature 
 may be around us, and however happy the circumstances of 
 our lives ought to make us, 
 
 / " We receive but what we give, 
 
 And in our life alone does nature live."/ 
 
 All depends on the attitude of our mind and heart. The 
 pessimist believes that " it is better to stand than to walk ; 
 better to sit than to stand ; better to lie down than to sit ; 
 better to sleep than to wake j better is a dreamless sleep 
 than dreams ; death is better than even a dreamless sleep ; 
 and never to have been is the best of all." Another man 
 with less reason in the outward circumstances of his life, 
 becomes an optimist. He takes a rose-water view of every- 
 thing, believes that this is the best of all possible worlds, and 
 returns daily thanks for his creation, preservation, and all 
 the blessings of this life. 
 
 ! don't the days seem lank and long 
 When all goes right and nothing goes wrong ? 
 And isn't your life extremely flat 
 When you've nothing whatever to grumble at ? "/ 
 
 This question may be asked of the class of persons who 
 are never happy without a grievance, who enjoy as luxuries 
 their trifling or imaginary woes, who " lie like a hedge- 
 hog rolled up the wrong way tormenting itself with its 
 prickles." When Boswell was starting for a tour on the 
 continent, in his sentimental way, he began to imagine whole 
 hosts of possible miseries which might await him. While he 
 was weaving his silly fancies, a moth fluttered into the flame 
 
MORE SUNSHINE. 245 
 
 of the candle and was burned ; upon which Dr. Johnson slily 
 but gravely remarked, " That creature was its own tormentor, 
 and I believe its name was Boswell." Next day the Doctor 
 honoured his biographer by accompanying him as far as 
 Harwich, where they dined at an inn by themselves. 
 Boswell happened to say it would be " terrible " if his friend 
 should be detained long in such a dull place. Johnson : 
 "Don't, sir, accustom yourself to use big words for little 
 matters. It would not be terrible, though I were to be 
 detained some time here." Johnson hated sentimentalism 
 as one of the sickliest of shams. " These," he would say, 
 "are the distresses of sentiment, which a man who is really 
 to be pitied has no leisure to feel. The sight of people who 
 want food and raiment is so common in great cities, that a 
 surly fellow like me has no compassion to spare for wounds 
 given only to vanity or softness." Speaking of a lady who 
 had been disappointed of an inheritance, some one remarked, 
 
 " will grieve at her friend's disappointment." Said 
 
 Johnson, " She will suffer as much perhaps as your horse 
 did when your cow miscarried." 
 
 There are many good recipes for lowness of spirits. Here 
 is one, " Take one ounce of the seeds of Resolution, properly 
 mixed with the oil of Good Conscience ; infuse into it a large 
 spoonful of the Salts of Patience; distil- very carefully a 
 composing plant called ' Others 1 Woes,' which you will find 
 in every part of the Garden of Life, growing under the broad 
 leaves of Disguise; add a small quantity ; it will much assist 
 the Salts of Patience in their operation. Gather a handful 
 of the Blossoms of Hope ; then sweeten them properly with 
 
246 MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 a Syrup, made of the Balm of Providence ; and if you can 
 get any of the seed of True Friendship, you will have the 
 most valuable Medicine that can be administered. But you 
 must be careful that you get the right seed of True Friend- 
 ship, as there is a seed that very much resembles it, called 
 Self Interest, which will spoil the whole composition. 
 
 " Make the ingredients up into pills, which may be called 
 Pills of Comfort. Take one night and morning, and in a 
 short time the cure will be completed." 
 
 When a storm arises, we look ahead for the clearer air and 
 the brighter sky that will follow ; and he who traces the same 
 law in the storms of life has the clearest and truest mental 
 vision. And when we fail to trace this law, we shall do well 
 to trust it. * 
 
 ** All my life I still have found, 
 And I will forget it never, 
 Every sorrow hath its bound, 
 
 And no cross endures for ever. 
 After all the winter's snows 
 
 Comes sweet summer back again ; 
 Joy is given for all our woes, 
 
 Patient souls ne'er wait in vain. 
 All things else have but their day, 
 God's love only lasts for aye ! " / 
 
 We know what was the Alderman's advice to his son in 
 Leech's sketch. Mr. Gobble : " You see, Sam, you are a 
 werry young man ; and when I am took away (which, in 
 the common course of ewents, can't be werry long fust), you 
 will have a great deal of property. Now, I've only one piece 
 of adwice to give you. It's this and by all means act upon 
 it : Lay down plenty of port in your youth that you may 
 
MORE SUNSHINE. 247 
 
 have a good bottle of wine in your old age." It requires 
 something better than port wine to dispel the clouds that 
 darken and sadden the old age of so many, and make it a 
 period from which we shrink. During the sunny days of 
 youth quite other instruction than that of the Alderman 
 must be given and followed if those habits are to be formed 
 which keep the soul healthy and the affections pure and 
 fresh to the last. Let us compare St. Paul's advice with 
 that of the Alderman, and ask ourselves which is more 
 likely to give us a sunshiny old age " Be not drunk with 
 wine, wherein is excess (riot), but be rilled with the Spirit ; 
 speaking one to another in psalms and hymns and spiritual 
 songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the 
 Lord." Someone said to one who had this sort of melody 
 in his old age " You are on the shady side of seventy, I 
 expect ? " " No," was the reply, " I am on the sunny side ; 
 for I am on the side nearest to glory." 
 
 Was it not a pretty thought, that of the gay young Southern 
 girl dancing with a sort of ecstasy among the falling leaves, 
 whose brilliancy she had never seen in her sea-coast home ? 
 To one near her, saddening over their fall, she said : " Just 
 think how much more room it gives you to see the beautiful 
 blue sky beyond ! " Is it not true that, as our little joys and 
 pleasures and earth's many lovely things fade and pass, they 
 open spaces tor us in which to see God's heaven beyond ? 
 
CHAPTER XXVI. 
 
 DISTINGUISHED SERVICE IN PASSION. 
 
 " Oft in life's stillest shade reclining, 
 In desolation unrepining, 
 Meek souls there are, who little dream 
 Their daily strife an angel's theme, 
 Or that the rod they take so calm, 
 Shall prove in heaven a martyr's palm." Keblc. 
 
 IICTORIA CROSSES and other rewards are 
 given for distinguished service in action ; but 
 is there not such a thing as distinguished 
 service in passion or suffering, and does it 
 not deserve even higher rewards? We are 
 apt to forget that it requires often more courage to suffer 
 well than to do well, and to disparage the first virtue because 
 it especially belongs to the so-called " weaker sex." And 
 yet we cannot but admire the patient continuance in well 
 suffering of women. While many men, if they have a pain 
 in their little finger, are in the highest degree impatient, 
 
DISTINGUISHED SERVICE IN PASSION. 249 
 
 fragile women are sometimes the most exemplary of patients 
 in the trials of mind, body, or estate. The way most 
 persons accept misfortune is the greatest misfortune of all, 
 while nothing is a misfortune if taken bravely and without 
 murmuring. " Every time the sheep bleats it loses a mouth- 
 ful, and every time we complain we miss a blessing." 
 
 Driving up Holborn Hill, a costermonger's donkey refused 
 to go farther ; so the man took the animal out of the shafts, 
 and began pulling the cart up the hill. Some one asked why 
 he did that. "Oh, I'm trying to shame 'im into it !" In 
 the same way we ought to be shamed into bearing patiently 
 our small trials, when we consider the pains which martyrs 
 have endured, and think how even now many people are 
 bearing affliction beyond all measure greater than ours. 
 What is my trouble to that of those whose life is a con- 
 tinual death, without solace, or aid, or consolation ? 
 
 Every day clergymen and doctors see people with cheer- 
 ful submission enduring pain which amazes them that any 
 poor human being can exist under its severity. In a certain 
 miserable court, as I have been informed, there lives an old 
 woman crippled and deformed in every joint by chronic 
 rheumatism. Listen ! she speaks of her gratitude. For 
 what? Because, with the assistance of a knitting-needle 
 and her thumb, the only joint that will move, she can turn 
 over the leaves of her Bible. The homely words of another 
 poor old woman showed that she understood 4he service of 
 patience. She was brought in her old age to believe in 
 Jesus as her Saviour. Ever ready to speak of Him, she 
 was one who went about doing good ; but in the midst 
 
250 MANNERS MAKYTH MAN? 
 
 of her labours she caught cold, and was confined to bed. 
 The clergyman came to see her, and said, " I little expected 
 to find you so patient in bed, when you have always led such 
 an active life. It must be a trial to lie there so long." "Not 
 at all, sir," said Betty ; " when I was well I used to hear the 
 Lord say to me daily, * Betty, go here ; Betty, go there ; 
 Betty, do this ; Betty, do that ; ' and I did it as well as I 
 could. Now it seems as if I hear Him say daily, * Betty, 
 lie still and cough.'" No wonder that Edward Denison, 
 who worked so hard in the East End of London, used to 
 speak of " the many proofs offered to every reflecting mind 
 that the poor are blessed indeed, and that theirs is the 
 kingdom of heaven. You never hear the poor complain 
 of the weather ; if you remark upon it they say, * Well, it's 
 as God sends it.' They take suffering and humiliation as 
 their proper lot, and really look forward with hope and trust 
 to the event from which the rich man recoils in horror." 
 
 What distinguished service in action more deserved a 
 Victoria Cross than the service in suffering of Robert Hall, 
 the great preacher, who, being afflicted with an acute disease 
 which sometimes caused him to roll on the floor with agony, 
 would rise therefrom, wiping from his brow the drops of 
 sweat which the pain had caused, and, trembling from the 
 conflict, ask, " But I did not complain I did not cry out 
 much, did I?" 
 
 At the end of a letter to a friend, Sydney Smith adds 
 playfully, " I have gout, asthma, and seven other maladies, 
 but am otherwise very well." On another occasion he 
 writes : 
 
DISTINGUISHED SERVICE IN PASSION. 251 
 
 " MY DEAR Miss MARTINEAU, What an admirable pro- 
 vision of Providence is the gout ! What prevents human 
 beings from making the body a larder or a cellar but the 
 gout? When I feel a pang, I say, 'I know what this is for; 
 I know what you mean ; I understand the hint ! ' and so I 
 endeavour to extract a little wisdom from pain. 
 
 "SYDNEY SMITH." 
 
 The biographical notices of the late Professor Fawcett 
 were eagerly read, for we all admired the way he bore the 
 terrible loss of sight, and found in that loss a gain to match. 
 He never saw so well, it might almost be said, until he 
 became blind, and few people who can see have led a 
 more active life. Of course energy of character like this is 
 rare, but all, whom affliction forces to retire from active life, 
 may console themselves, as the poet Milton did on his 
 blindness : 
 
 "God doth not need 
 
 Either man's work or His own gifts ; who best 
 Bear His mild yoke, they serve Him best : His state 
 Is kingly ; thousands at His bidding speed, 
 And post o'er land and ocean without rest ; 
 They also serve who only stand and wait ! " 
 
 Loss of estate is not to be compared with the loss of 
 bodily or mental health ; but it is hard to come down in the 
 world, and few are able to distinguish themselves by bearing 
 this sort of suffering in a righteous and graceful manner. I 
 know, however, of one family that does so. The father was 
 a rich man, but he speculated and lost almost everything. 
 Thinking that his family could never accommodate them- 
 
252 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 selves to altered circumstances, he allowed the money losses 
 to prey upon his mind, and committed suicide. His widow 
 and children did accommodate themselves to circumstances. 
 They took a very small house, dismissed all servants except 
 one, and now that the shock is passing away they are 
 perhaps quite as happy, helping themselves and each other, 
 as they were when surrounded by useless servants and all 
 the luxuries that money could purchase. When Archbishop 
 Leighton lost his patrimony by the failure of a merchant, he 
 only said, " The little that was in Mr. E.'s hands hath failed 
 me, but I shall either have no need of it, or be supplied in 
 some other way." On his brother-in-law expressing surprise 
 that he took the matter so easily, he answered, " If, when 
 the Duke of Newcastle, after losing nineteen times as much 
 of yearly income, can dance and sing, the solid hopes of 
 Christianity will not support us, we had better be in the 
 other world." 
 
 If we do not die soon, the trials of old age will be upon 
 us. May we bear them as Miss Mitford, the authoress of 
 "Our Village," did! "She retained her fine temper, her 
 exquisite enjoyment of the simple commonplace pleasures of 
 daily life, and her literary tastes and perceptions, with such 
 a liveliness of spirit, and such a tenderness of heart, that it 
 seemed as if time could not touch her, and that, notwith- 
 standing her seventy years, she could not grow old. She 
 took as keen an interest as ever in the new poet, the new 
 painter, . . . the new flower." 
 
 Let us hope that there will be rewards in the shape of 
 happy reunions in heaven for those who have borne with 
 
DISTINGUISHED SERVICE IN PASSION. 253 
 
 Christian resignation the sad partings of earth. Guthrie, the 
 father of the Scottish martyr, had the bloody head of his son 
 brought to him, and was asked whether he knew it. He 
 recognized it, and without murmuring said, "Good is the 
 will of the Lord." The Rev. Mr. Glasse, of Perth, when 
 he heard that a son whose return from a foreign country he 
 had been expecting was murdered, received the awful intelli- 
 gence with composure, and a few hours afterwards took the 
 chair at a church meeting, remarking that it would be a 
 glorious triumph of Divine grace if his son and his mur- 
 derers should meet together in heaven. 
 
 All the world has heard of John Newton's romantic 
 attachment to his wife a love which had been one of the 
 means under God of preventing him from being finally 
 engulfed in the deep waters of profligacy. Yet, when, 
 after a long union, she was taken from him, he prayed for 
 special grace to support him, and received it. He was 
 enabled to preach her funeral sermon from the text, " I will 
 rejoice in the Lord." He also recorded that though she had 
 never since her death been five minutes out of his thoughts, 
 and though he felt that his right eye had been taken and his 
 right hand cut off, and that though all the wealth of the Bank 
 of England was unable to compensate him for her loss, yet 
 he had not had one uncomfortable day or restless night since 
 she left him, but was enabled to pursue his course of useful- 
 ness, looking forward to a happy reunion. 
 
 Sometimes the highest kind of courage consists in not 
 striking a blow. A foolish young man who quarrelled with 
 Sir Philip Sidney, and tried to provoke him to fight, went so 
 
254 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 far as to spit in his face. " Young man," said Sir Philip, 
 "if I could as easily wipe your blood from my conscience 
 as I can wipe this insult from my face I would this moment 
 take your life." This was the highest kind of manliness 
 the manliness of Him who, when reviled, reviled not again. 
 
 Nor are those whose service in passion is distinguished 
 altogether without reward, or at least compensation, even in 
 this life. " There is a joy in endurance greater than all 
 the joys of indulgence. They mistake who think that the 
 highest happiness lies in wishes accomplished, in prosperity, 
 wealth, favour, and success. There has been a joy in 
 dungeons and on racks passing the joy of harvest j a joy 
 strange and solemn and mysterious even to its possessor ; a 
 white stone dropped from the signet ring of peace which the 
 dying Saviour took from His bosom and bequeathed to those 
 who endure the cross, despising the shame." 
 
 Perhaps nothing suggests sadder thoughts than a hospital 
 for incurables, and yet we have good reasons for hoping that 
 in the infinite scheme of things there has been provision made 
 for the wretched inmates of such hospitals. Certainly, 
 their sufferings are not entirely wasted when by assisting 
 them the strong and rich become less hard of heart. And 
 if we believe that the bodies of these incurables are vehicles 
 which carry souls never destined to perish through the series 
 of ages, then all their sufferings here would be more brief 
 compared with eternity than is the cry of the new-born babe 
 compared to the whole life of a man. 
 
 If the bodies, minds, and lives of many of us are more 01 
 less incurably marred in this life, let us look to the world to 
 
DISTINGUISHED SERVICE IN PASSION. 255 
 
 come as hopefully as did Franklin when he wrote the follow- 
 ing epitaph for himself : " The body of Benjamin Franklin, 
 printer (like the cover of an old book, its contents torn out, 
 and stripped of its lettering and gilding), lies here, food for 
 worms ; yet the work itself shall not be lost, but it will (as 
 he believed) appear once more, in a new and more beautiful 
 edition, corrected and amended by the Author." 
 
CHAPTER XXVII. 
 
 WHAT IS RELIGION? 
 
 " They ask me for secrets of salvation : for myself I know no secrets 
 but this to love God with all our hearts, and our neighbour as our- 
 selves." St. Francis de Sales. 
 
 "I endeavour in vain to give my parishioners more cheerful ideas of 
 religion ; to teach them that God is not a jealous, childish, merciless 
 tyrant ; that He is, best served by a, regular . tenour of good actions, not 
 by bad singing, ill-composed prayers, and eternal apprehensions. But 
 the luxury of false religion is, to be unhappy 1 " Sydney Smith. 
 
 |ELIGION is such a large subject that only 
 one side of it can be seen at a time. We 
 make this obvious remark in order that we 
 may not be suspected of ignoring, in what 
 we are going to say, the many other sides of 
 religion that will suggest themselves to the reader's mind. 
 
 If people in general only knew what practical religion is, 
 many more would strive to become possessors of this pearl 
 
WHA T IS RELIGION f 257 
 
 of great price. But no word is so wrongly used as religion. 
 So many false things are called by this name that it is per- 
 haps easier to say what is .not than what is true religion. 
 The first popular error to which we allude is that which 
 associates religion almost exclusively with the contemplation 
 of death. Certainly death is awful to all, as a sudden 
 presence with the unseen, and as the crisis of probation for 
 an eternal state. But there is one thing more awful than 
 death, and that is life. Death truly may be considered 
 the least important passage in a man's life. All that is of 
 future account has then been generally wound up. Death 
 comes, even if not suddenly, at a time when men are past 
 any trustworthy change of character ; their habits too in- 
 veterate for any new turn in hours of weakness ; their 
 minds clouded; their thoughts more or less morbid, dis- 
 turbed, uncollectable, or torpid ; their wills and resolutions 
 vague, uncertain, and incapable of test. And character, 
 habit of mind, and tested will, are the only products of this 
 probationary state having permanent consequence to any- 
 body. It is, therefore, present life, and not the passage of 
 death, that is most awful, because the eternal future is being 
 wrought out in it. 
 
 Religion is required to ennoble and sanctify this present 
 all-important life much more than as a mere memento mori. 
 Though he walk through the valley of the shadow of 
 death, religious faith can dispel from the Christian's mind 
 fear of evil, but it can do even more than this, it can give 
 a daily beauty to our lives. Nor is religion to be regarded 
 as a special province, and as something distinct from instead 
 
 17 
 
258 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 of wholly feeding on the ordinary affairs of life, as fire feeds 
 on fuel. In this view all the interests, affections, and en- 
 gagements of life are eyed askance as secularities, and 
 religion is presented apart as a separate devotion, or the 
 mere acceptance of an orthodox creed. But religion con- 
 sists not in this or that employment, but in the spirit of all 
 employments, and may be realized alike in every station. 
 The difference is not in the occupation but in the spirit and 
 the intention of the worker. 
 
 Does religious work consist only in performing devotions 
 directly to God ? Is a man religiously employed only when 
 he is praying, listening to sermons, or reading what are 
 called " good books " ? Many persons have no wider con- 
 ception of religion than this. It is thought that religion 
 consists only in immediate thoughts of God, in immediate 
 addresses to Him, in emotions called for by contemplation 
 of Him. Certainly those who enter by faith into com- 
 munion with the unseen world have joy unspeakable ; but 
 can this long be sustained ? No ; for this is not the ordi- 
 nary state of even the most religious. Few, indeed, are 
 constitutionally fitted for such sustained thought and feeling. 
 The greater part, too, of life is necessarily devoted to other 
 duties and engagements, to toils and relaxations, to what is 
 called "the work of the week." This being the case, we 
 must seek for a more practical definition of religious work. 
 Shall we say that it means doing everything we do as unto 
 God, and not unto ourselves, doing everything as if we felt 
 that His all-seeing eye were, indeed, upon us? There 
 ought to be absolutely no distinction between things re- 
 
WHA T IS RELIGION ? 259 
 
 ligious and things secular ; for the spirit of religion ought 
 to sanctify every department of life. As it is, there is too 
 much worldliness in religion, and not enough religion in the 
 world. Would to God that we had as much of the spirit of 
 religion in our social and business relations as some of us 
 have of the spirit of selfishness and irreligion in our re- 
 ligion ! The work that Christians have to do for God is 
 nothing more nor less than the natural outgoing or influence 
 of their lives lives which, blotting out the distinction be- 
 tween things religious and secular, should make both one 
 all work religion, and all life worship. Such a view of 
 religion gives interest to common existence, and urges us 
 to pray that our Heavenly Father would give us the eye 
 which can see Him in all, the hand which can serve Him 
 with all, and the heart which can bless Him for all. 
 
 It is certainly not necessary for one who desires to be 
 religious to adopt the mannerisms of thought and speech 
 assumed by professedly "very good people." Religion is 
 sometimes considered by such persons as a kind of preserve 
 into which the profane foot of reason and science must not 
 enter. They view many of the innocent amusements that 
 brighten life with grudging acerbity. Busied with the sal- 
 vation of their own souls, or in preparation for a world 
 to come, they think it right to stand aloof from the 
 actual battle of life. There is but too much truth in the 
 caricatures of religionists of this type that are drawn by 
 popular novelists. But a religious person need not be 
 peculiar and eccentric unless, indeed, it be a peculiarity in 
 this wicked world to try to avoid sin. We read that the 
 
2 6o " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 two demoniacs of Gadara thought that Jesus Christ had 
 landed on the shore of their country " to torment them 
 before the time," and it is to be feared that many people 
 even now associate with His religion something of a prema- 
 turely tormenting character. These persons complain that 
 religion torments by putting restraint upon their actions. 
 But how is this a hardship, considering that every man, if 
 he is to be a man at all, must control himself? He who 
 does not do this sinks from being a man and becomes a 
 brute. Did we not thus restrain ourselves we should be 
 mastered by our passions, and these would, indeed, be 
 tormentors. In comparison with this slavery to self, Christ's 
 service is perfect freedom. Every pleasure and every business 
 which a true man may take part in may be taken part in by 
 a Christian. " All are yours," said St. Paul, as much as to say 
 it is possible to use everything in this world without abusing 
 it. Christ has not come to torment us by preventing our 
 enjoyment of a single lawful pleasure, for a Christian may 
 say, " I dare do all that may become a man ; who dares do 
 more is none." Nor does Christ torment us by taking up 
 all our time. We may be religious without time or leisure. 
 It is no excuse, and shows a mistaken notion as to what 
 religion is, to say, " Oh, I am a busy man, and have no 
 time for religion." What time does it require to do every- 
 thing to the glory of God ? and that is true religion. 
 
 To be religious means to walk with God as did Enoch 
 and Noah, to feel on each occasion the truth of the words, 
 "Thou, God, seest me," to live a high level life. Fra 
 Angelico, who commenced each work of art with prayer a 
 
WHAT IS RELIGION? 261 
 
 was religious, and so is every one else who tries, whether he 
 eat or drink, or whatsoever he do, to do all to the glory 
 of God. Those only are truly religious who mingle the 
 Spirit of Christ as leaven in the lump of their pleasures 
 and occupations until the whole is leavened. True religion 
 is a life and set of principles rather than a collection of 
 laws and rules. It is the power of Christ's endless life 
 ennobling and sanctifying the daily round, the common 
 task. The first and last business of religion is to inspire 
 men and women with a desire to do their duty, and to show 
 them what their duty is. 
 
 Certainly religion is something higher and more practical 
 than " mere morality." Comparing morality to a steam- 
 engine, religion is the steam that gives to it motive-power. 
 The root of the matter is in those whose lives produce 
 good fruit, and Christ's inspiring Spirit is this root. Without 
 Him we can do nothing. According to the derivation of 
 the word, religion is "that which binds one back from 
 doing something " wrong. And what is " that which binds 
 us" but the cords of love whereby the believer's heart is 
 drawn into union with his Redeemer, so that he loves 
 what He loves, and hates what He hates ? 
 
 During the battle of Inkerman a man in plain clothes 
 was seen making his way to the front. An officer stopped 
 him and said, " Where are you going ? What do you want 
 there? You are a civilian. Go back." Duty ordered 
 him to the rear, but love carried him on. " I am Lord 
 Raglan's servant," said he. "It is his luncheon-time. My 
 master is not so young as he was ; he cannot do without 
 
262 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 his luncheon. I must be there." And through shot and 
 shell he reached his master, and served him there through 
 love. Love is as steam ; ay, better than steam. Steam 
 goes by fire and water ; love goes through fire and water. 
 All the fire in the world will never consume it; all the 
 floods of the earth will never quench or drown it. 
 
 If this be true as regards love to a fellow-creature, how 
 much more does it apply to love to God and the Saviour as 
 a principle of action ! 
 

 CHAPTER XXVIII. 
 
 " HOW DO YOU DO ? " 
 
 " Run now, I pray thee, to meet her, and say unto her, Is it well 
 with thee ? is it well with thy husband ? is it well with the child ? " 
 2 Kings iv. 26. 
 
 jjT is written that we shall be justified or con- 
 demned by our words, and certainly the 
 words and phrases that are the money or 
 counters of social exchange frequently teach 
 important lessons and enshrine the deepest 
 truths. This is the case with the words we make use of in 
 parting from friends and in meeting with them. What a 
 beautiful word is Good-bye ! Most people know that it is 
 a corruption of God be with you. When parting from a 
 friend we commend him to God (^ Dieu^ as the French 
 say) by using the little word Good-bye, though we may not 
 know or remember the significance of what we say. So, 
 too. in the phrase, How do you do ? which is used when 
 
264 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN? 
 
 friends meet. May we not, and ought we not, to see a 
 deeper meaning than that which is in the minds of many 
 who use it ? What, then, do we mean by How do you do ? 
 First of all, I suppose we mean to ask in what state is the 
 bodily health of our friend. If this be so, we imply by the 
 common question that health is the best kind of wealth or 
 well-being; that people are very foolish in only valuing 
 health when they lose it, and in not considering the care of 
 it a most important duty. This may be learned every time 
 we ask a friend, How do you do ? 
 
 But health of body is not the only kind of health. How- 
 ever important it is to have a strong physical basis upon 
 which to build happiness and success in life, it is even 
 better to have mental, moral, and religious health. Ought 
 we not, then, to include these kinds of health in the ques- 
 tion, How do you do ? How is your mind ? Is it kept in 
 health by being carefully exercised upon worthy objects, or 
 are some of your best faculties allowed to rust from want of 
 use ? Then we must include morality in our idea of well- 
 being, for all our actions influence our characters. What 
 we do makes us what we are. That we ought not to leave 
 good conduct out of our idea of health, is taught us even 
 by language, for in the German language the old word for 
 "holy" also means "healthy," and in our own "hale," 
 "whole," and " holy " are from the same root. To be holy 
 means to be healthy all the parts of our nature completely 
 obeying the laws of God in Nature. When we leave undone 
 what we ought to do, and do what we ought not, there is no 
 health in us. 
 
"HOW DO YOU DOt 9 265 
 
 The questions, Are you saved ? and How is your soul ? 
 are sometimes asked at wrong times and in wrong places ; 
 but surely there is nothing about which a friend, if he is 
 a real one, should be more concerned than the eternal wel- 
 fare of his friend. It would, indeed, be inconsistent if, in 
 asking a friend after his health, we only thought of those 
 parts which last at most seventy years, and not at all of that 
 part which is likest God within the soul, and which will 
 never perish. Surely sometimes we should think of the 
 eternal welfare of our friend as even the poet Burns did 
 when he wrote these lines : 
 
 ** The voice of Nature loudly cries, 
 And many a message from the skies, 
 That something in us never dies ; 
 That on this frail, uncertain state 
 Hang matters of eternal weight ; 
 That future life, in worlds unknown, 
 Must take its hue from this alone, 
 Whether as heavenly glory bright, 
 Or dark as misery's woful night. 
 Since, then, my honour'd first of friends, 
 On this poor being all depends, 
 Let us the important Now employ, 
 And live as those who never die." 
 
 We must not be selfish in our religion ; we must think of 
 the well-being of others as well as of our own. " Were you 
 ready to die that you jumped into the stormy sea to save 
 that child's life ? " said a gentleman to an English sailor. 
 " Should I have been better prepared, sir," the sailor 
 answered, " if I had shirked my duty ? " That was a noble 
 answer of the philanthropist when asked if he was not 
 
266 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 neglecting his soul when occupied with his schemes. " I 
 have," he replied, " been so busy working for others that I 
 have never had time to think whether I had a soul or not." 
 This answer was in the spirit of Moses and of St. Paul, both 
 of whom were willing to perish if by doing so they might 
 procure the eternal welfare of others. As Noah and his 
 family and the animals entered the ark, not singly, but " in 
 two and two," so shall we either enter into heaven or be 
 excluded, not by ourselves, but with others whom we have 
 helped to save, or, as far as we could, have hindered from 
 being saved. Husbands and wives, then, must sometimes 
 think, if it be well with each other. " For how knowest 
 thou, O wife ! whether thou shalt save thy husband ? or how 
 knowest thou, O husband ! whether thou shalt save thy 
 wife ? " Parents must take charge of the spiritual welfare 
 of their children, so that in the great day of account they 
 may be able to say : " Here am I with the children whom 
 Thou hast given me." 
 
 But, although we ought to think of others as well as of 
 ourselves, it is, nevertheless, true that the most important 
 consideration in the world for each man is his own state 
 before God. Is it well with me, and will it be well with 
 me throughout eternity ? How am I, not in body, nor in 
 mind, nor in pocket, but in soul ? Am I sorry for my sins, 
 and have I gone to the Physician who alone can heal the 
 wounds of sin ? or have I always kept away from Him, and 
 shut out from my heart the healthful Spirit of His grace ? 
 We may be sure that it cannot be well with us so long as 
 we keep at a distance from the Fountain of all goodness, 
 
"HOW DO YOU D0? 267 
 
 the Source of all strength. He has made us for Himself, 
 and we are only well when we rest in Him. " If the body 
 of man is an ape, his soul is God, and he is the son of God. 
 There is within him the torment of the ideal. The true 
 man is ever restless and pressing forward in search of the 
 higher and vaster truth. He asks for more than earth ; he 
 wants what the animal does not want God." 
 
 To be really well means to have consciously taken Jesus 
 Christ for our Saviour, and, being nourished by His grace, 
 to daily endeavour to keep His commandments. At a 
 meeting held by slaves in Virginia, one man stood up be- 
 fore his brethren and said, " Brethren, dis poor old body 
 of mine, de bone and de blood, and de sinews and de 
 muscles, they belong to my massa ; my massa bought 'em 
 in the market, and he paid a price for 'em, and my poor 
 old body is the slave of Massa Carr ; but, thank God ! my 
 soul is the free man of de Lord Jesus." It was well with 
 this poor old man, slave though he were ; but the same can- 
 not be said of him who, being tied and bound with the 
 chain of sin, does not know and does not believe in the 
 only One who can break that chain. 
 
 When people are asked in the street by mere acquaint- 
 ances how they are, they generally answer, " Pretty well," or, 
 "Quite well," though at the time they may be anything 
 but well. They may be suffering from some incurable 
 disease. Their hearts may be on the point of breaking 
 with some secret sorrow. He or she who was the light of 
 their eyes may have been lost. They may have committed 
 some great crime and may be afraid of its discovery. And 
 
268 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 yet they answer, " Pretty well," or, " Quite well," and pass 
 by with a forced smile, thus concealing the bitterness which 
 is known only to their own hearts. One Friend, however, 
 there is from whom we ought not even to attempt to con- 
 ceal our sorrow. If we do, we are like a sufferer on the 
 table of a surgeon, who should show his sound limbs and 
 cover his hurts. " But let God cover thy hurts, and not 
 thou ; for if, ashamed, thou seekest to cover them, the Phy- 
 sician will not cure them. Let Him cover and cure them ; 
 for under the covering of the Physician the wound is healed, 
 under the covering of the sufferer it is only concealed ; and 
 concealed from whom ? from Him to whom all things are 
 known." " Is it well with thee ?" Oh, how well is he who 
 " now laboureth to be such an one in his life as he wisheth 
 to be found at the hour of his death " ! 
 
CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 THE WISDOM OF THE FOOLISH. 
 
 " What your wisdoms could not discover, 
 These shallow fools have brought to light.'* 
 
 Shakespeare, " Much Ado about Nothing*' 
 
 |N all ages those who had themselves .little 
 experience of the power of religion have 
 been disposed to explain it away in others 
 by suggesting that it could be accounted for 
 on the theory of madness. 
 There are many examples of this in the Bible. The 
 first we take is from the life of the " Man of Sorrows." 
 We read of our Lord's friends going out to lay hold of Him, 
 for, said they, " He is beside Himself." And again, after 
 one of those wonderful discourses that are recorded by St. 
 John, we are told how " There was a division among the 
 Jews again for these sayings, and many of them said, He 
 
270 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 hath a devil, and is mad ; why hear ye Him ? " Festus, 
 astonished at the earnest words spoken by the prisoner 
 before his judgment bar, fancied he had discovered the 
 source of the apostle's enthusiasm when he cried out, 
 " Paul, thou art beside thyself; much learning doth make 
 thee mad." In reference to the gift of tongues, St. Paul 
 asks the Corinthians whether plain men and unbelievers 
 would not say, on entering an assembly where all were 
 speaking with tongues, that they were mad. And when 
 this was actually said of himself and his fellow Christians, 
 he calmly replies, " Whether we be beside ourselves it is to 
 God." "We are fools for Christ's sake, but ye are wise" 
 (in your own estimation), he tells the Corinthians when he 
 saw them puffed up with unchristian wisdom. Isaiah 
 described the moral atmosphere of his day when he said, 
 " He that departeth from evil maketh himself a prey " or 
 as it is in the margin "is accounted mad. 7 ' In those evil 
 days a good man was preyed upon by the bad because he 
 scorned to defend himself with their weapons, and the 
 thanks he got for not doing so was to be considered "a 
 fool," " unpractical," " not up to business," " soft " " mad." 
 In our own day the same reproach is cast upon religion 
 in one form or another. "Mere enthusiasm" it is called. 
 " Oh, that way madness lies ; let me shun that," we cry with 
 poor old King Lear. If a young man refuse some appoint- 
 ment on conscientious grounds, his parents stare, speak of 
 their " strange son," and form a decidedly lower opinion of 
 his intellect. " Now don't you be a fool, just do as others 
 do," is the sedative frequently prescribed for uneasiness of 
 
THE WISDOM OF THE FOOLISH. 271 
 
 conscience. Certain tricks are called " the way of business," 
 and he who murmurs with childish ingenuousness "dis- 
 honest" is accounted a fool for his pains. General Gordon, 
 and any one else who puts into practice the precepts of 
 religion, are considered by many to be little less than 
 lunatics. We are more nervous about (what is surely in 
 the case of most of us a remote contingency) becoming 
 immoderately religious than about anything else. We would 
 have shares in religion, but they must be of strictly limited 
 liability. 
 
 But to all this it may be retorted that in the Bible it is 
 the irreligious who are called mad and foolish. In His 
 parable our Lord tells us that the Prodigal Son only thought 
 of his father's home when hunger had brought him to his 
 senses. " And when he came to himself, he said, I will 
 arise, and go to my Father." While living a riotous life he 
 was really " beside himself." In another parable Jesus told 
 His hearers the sentence pronounced against the man who, 
 engrossed in eating, drinking, and money-making, had no 
 higher aim. " But God said unto him, Thou fool, this 
 night thy soul shall be required of thee." The apostle 
 whom Festus called " mad " when speaking of the ancient 
 Greeks, so proud of their cleverness, says that "professing 
 themselves to be wise they became fools, because, knowing 
 God, they did not glorify Him as God." And he asks the 
 Corinthians, " Hath not God made foolish the wisdom of 
 this world ? " and assures them that the preaching of 
 " Christ crucified," though it might appear " foolishness " to 
 luxurious Greeks who could not understand self-sacrifice, 
 
272 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN? 
 
 was nothing less than the wisdom of God that which 
 revealed His wisdom. 
 
 Then, to turn to the Old Testament, Jeremiah speaks of 
 madness as sent in punishment : " They shall drink (of the 
 wine-cup of fury) and be moved and be mad." He tells 
 the people that they are " mad upon their idols." We can 
 understand this when we see how the idols of position, of 
 money, of fashion, of appetite, turn people's heads, causing 
 too many to fret and overwork themselves into lunatic 
 asylums. And the same prophet says, that "the nations 
 have drunk the cup of Babylon and are mad." How many 
 of the rich drown their senses in the cup of London society 
 each " season," and of working men not a few become the 
 fools of publicans in the same modern Babylon ! Hosea 
 complains that in the Israel of his day " the prophet is a 
 fool, the spiritual man mad," because he prophesied peace 
 to a sinful generation. When King Saul in fury pursued 
 David " as one doth hunt a partridge on the mountains," 
 and when David, by sparing for the second time his life 
 after finding him asleep in the wilderness, forces from him 
 a fool's confession, it was given in these words, " I have 
 played the fool, I have erred exceedingly." 
 
 In the language of Scripture, especially in the Book of 
 Proverbs, fool is the usual character of the sinner, and folly 
 and foolishness are put for sin. " A wise man feareth and 
 departeth from evil ; but the fool rageth and is confident." 
 "A fool despiseth his father's instruction." "He that 
 uttereth a slander is a fool." After speaking of the great- 
 ness of God's works, and the depth of His thoughts, the 
 
THE WISDOM OF THE FOOLISH. 273 
 
 Psalmist exclaims, " A brutish man knoweth not, neither 
 doth a fool understand this." On the other hand, "the 
 mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom." Having men- 
 tioned many hidden things that man has found out, Job asks 
 this question, " But where shall wisdom be found?" and his 
 answer is, " Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom ; 
 and to depart from evil is understanding." 
 
 We can now see that the poor patient who asked a gentle- 
 man, when visiting Bedlam, " Have you given God thanks 
 for your senses to-day ? " had more reason than those of us 
 who neglect this thanksgiving. Indeed, it is every one's 
 duty to ask the Divine Physician of mind as well as of soul 
 and body, to keep him sane, and to carefully follow His 
 prescriptions; especially at the present time, when, while 
 pauperism is generally declining, insanity appears to be on 
 the increase. 
 
 Now we say that the pure religion of Christ can make 
 and keep people sane, who without it would be the reverse. 
 To the intemperate threatened with dipsomania, whose own 
 constitution is being ruined, and who is rearing in abject 
 poverty children with characteristics like himself, little 
 capable of bearing in after life arduous toil or protracted 
 anxiety to such an one the Gospel says, " You are a slave 
 to the brute that is in you, because you will not become His 
 servant whose service is perfect freedom. It was to 
 take from you, Smith, Brown, Jones, or whatever your name 
 may be, that devil's chain of drunkenness, that your Saviour 
 died and rose again ; and shall you not, by meditating on all 
 He has done for you, be enabled for His sake, and for the 
 
 18 
 
274 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 sake of your own sanity, not to mention your little onetf at 
 home, to raise yourself from the death of this sin, and live 
 again unto righteousness?" Certainly every individual 
 rescued from the slavery and degradation of lust, gambling, 
 and drunkenness does something to break the entail of the 
 physical and mental weakness which is the predisposing 
 cause of idiocy and madness. 
 
 In old and populous communities the battle of life presses 
 with a very heavy strain on all classes. Only the other day 
 an advertisement for a door-keeper received nine hundred 
 answers, so hard is it at the present time to get a living. 
 And yet if we can say from our hearts, " The Lord is my 
 Shepherd ; I shall not want," we can also say with St. Paul, 
 "None of these things move me." Over-anxiety would never 
 make us mad if, believing that God careth for us, we would 
 cast all our anxiety on Him. But no one becomes mad who 
 only desires enough ; it is greediness that maddens. When 
 a man permits money-making to be his ruling passion, and 
 the barometer of his emotions rises and falls with the 
 changes of business, it is not wonderful that his mental 
 balance should be endangered by any sudden storm of 
 financial trial. The only cure for such a man is to believe 
 St. Paul's assurance that " Godliness with contentment is 
 great gain," since we really ought to want nothing more than 
 food and shelter, considering that we brought nothing into 
 this world and can carry nothing out. 
 
 This subject ought to make us more charitable, for the 
 more we study cases of insanity the more we see the intimate 
 connection that exists between body and spirit. A man's 
 
THE WISDOM OF THE FOOLISH. 275 
 
 moral nature may become impaired by an attack of sickness 
 or by an accident. What seems to us great wickedness in 
 another may be ill-health or insanity, partial or complete, 
 temporary or chronic. We see people fall into violent 
 passions, especially little children. No\v a violent passion 
 or fit of obstinacy may be caused by a temporary congestion 
 of the brain. The consequence of beating a child for this 
 is that the brain, which was already for some cause or other 
 filled with blood, becomes more crowded still. It is hardly 
 ever right to beat a child when in a fit of passion. You will 
 do more with a little one of three or four years of age by 
 management. Take him on your knee and say, " My dear 
 child, you are not well ; but when you give me a smile I 
 shall give you a kiss in return." 
 
 We may remember reading some years ago in the news- 
 papers of a dignitary of the church, who was both a good 
 and a learned man, having committed suicide in a fit of 
 temporary insanity* Sad and strange as it may appear, the 
 fit was caused by nothing greater than a cold. On a Tues- 
 day the bishop had been at a religious ceremony in the open 
 air and caught a chill which produced congestion of the lungs, 
 and on Friday evening he became delirious. But there was 
 no serious apprehension, for he was left alone on Saturday 
 morning. Thus left, he locked the door and wounded 
 himself fatally. When the door was burst open, and his 
 wife and others stood appalled at the ghastly scene, he 
 beckoned mournfully for writing materials, and when a pen- 
 cil and paper were given to him he could write but one word, 
 mad / We learn from this that it is our duty to take care 
 
276 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 of the health of our bodies, for the loss of it may cause our 
 sorrowing friends to see " that noble and sovereign reason, 
 like sweet bells jangled, out of tune and harsh." Our men- 
 tal and even spiritual maladies are often occasioned by some 
 very slight bodily ailment. You must regulate your diet, 
 and otherwise obey nature. Take rest and change the air if 
 you can. Many a time the whole emotional atmosphere 
 which has got wrong gets righted by a good walk. Don't go 
 on wrangling with your wife ; go out and change the scene, 
 and you will come back with a sweet temper ready to forget 
 and forgive. 
 
 Madness means an unbalanced state of mind. A mind 
 exaggerates things which ought not to have any importance 
 a word, a look, anything rankles. The religion of Christ 
 has power to change all this. " Let your moderation (sweet 
 reasonableness) be known unto all men," says St. Paul to the 
 Philippians. Let a man pray for power to know and to obey 
 those laws of health which our Father in heaven has 
 appointed in order that His children might have sound minds 
 in sound bodies ; let him do this, and the peace of God 
 which passeth all understanding shall keep (as a protecting 
 garrison) his heart and mind through Christ Jesus. 
 
CHAPTER XXX. 
 
 THE WISE MAN S CONCLUSION. 
 
 " I believe that it is not good for man to live among what is most 
 beautiful ; that he is a creature incapable of satisfaction by anything 
 upon earth ; and that to allow him habitually to possess, in any kind 
 whatsoever, the utmost that earth can give, is the surest way to cast him 
 into lassitude or discontent." Ruskin. 
 
 " Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter : Fear God, and keep 
 His commandments." Ecdesiastes xii. 13. 
 
 E cannot but fall into great error if we attempt 
 to build up systems of religion and morality 
 from a few chapters or verses of the Bible. 
 When that book is put on the rack, and quoted 
 unfairly, it may be made to say anything. 
 Even the atheist has Scripture authority for his negation in 
 Psalm xiv. i, "There is no God," if he will only suppress 
 the preceding words, " The fool hath said in his heart." It 
 is the spirit of God's Word taken as a whole, not a few text? 
 
278 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN? 
 
 torn from their context, that makes us " wise unto salva- 
 tion." 
 
 But however true this is of other books of the Bible, it is 
 especially true of the Book of Ecclesiastes. In this portion 
 of God's Word there are verses that might be used by an 
 unfair disputant to justify both licentiousness and irreligion. 
 The reason is plain. The Book of Ecclesiastes is the record 
 of a man's experience of life. In it the royal preacher, or 
 whoever the writer was, has jotted down all that he did 
 and all that he felt. Bad doings and feelings are put down 
 with honest simplicity not so in modern biographies or 
 even in autobiographies as well as good ones ; so that we 
 must not stop at single chapters, much less verses, but read 
 the book through and judge of it as a whole. 
 
 The Book of Ecclesiastes narrates Solomon's quest or 
 search after the chief good for man after that one thing 
 wherein his highest happiness consists. It is the log-book, 
 so to speak, of a stout mariner, who, smiting the sounding 
 furrows, struggled hard to touch with his bark of life " the 
 Happy Isles." 
 
 In all ages and countries thoughtful men have speculated 
 much about the chief good or greatest happiness of man 
 the end he should propose to himself all his life long. An 
 ancient writer tells us that in his day there were two hundred 
 and eighty-five summa bona^ or chief goods, each of which 
 was advocated by different schools of philosophers. 
 
 Solomon devoted himself to this quest after the best 
 thing for man. He endeavoured to find the key to happi- 
 ness by experiencing every kind of life. He would believe 
 
THE WISE MAN'S CONCLUSION. 279 
 
 no hearsays about pleasure, but would woo her for himself. 
 Like Tennyson's Ulysses, he said to himself : 
 
 " I will drink 
 
 Life to the lees : all times I have enjoy'd 
 Greatly, have suffer 'd greatly, both with those 
 That loved me, and alone. . . . 
 Yet all experience rs an arch where thro' 
 Gleams that untravell'd world, whose margin fades 
 For ever and for ever when I move. 
 How dull it is to pause, to make an end, 
 To rust unburnish'd, not to shine in use ! 
 As tho' to breathe was life. Life piled on life 
 Were all too little : but every hour is saved 
 From that eternal silence, something more, 
 A bringer of new things ; and vile it were 
 To store and hoard myself yearning in desire 
 To follow knowledge like a sinking star 
 Beyond the utmost bound of human thought. 
 * * 
 
 It may be that the gulfs will wash us down, 
 It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles." 
 
 And well was Solomon equipped for his voyage of dis- 
 covery. He was a great king, therefore he could know from 
 experience whether the lot of princes was necessarily a 
 "happy one, or whether without one distress they might not 
 become sick of themselves through very selfishness. He 
 was a man of talent, and could appreciate intellectual plea- 
 sure. Can light without warmth, can knowledge without 
 love, satisfy? He would try. "For woman's love it is 
 known to be a lovely and a fearful thing." He would 
 practically examine the aphorism. He would adopt the role 
 of useful king and useless sensualist, of wise observer and 
 of foolish bookworm. He would " see the thing out," he 
 
280 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 would even wait after the play, for might not his very disgust 
 at the puerile farce to follow teach him wisdom ? 
 
 Now, if a man like this cannot extract lasting happiness 
 from perishable things under the sun these words are the 
 key-note of the book no one can, "for what can the man 
 do that cometh after the king ? " Must not Solomon, who 
 has " done," so to speak, all kinds of life, who has been a 
 king, a public benefactor, a millionaire, a sensualist, and 
 lastly, a religious man, be trusted when he speaks to us ? Is 
 not his conclusion of the whole matter to be attended to ? 
 And what is his conclusion ? That the imperishable spiri- 
 tual nature of man cannot be satisfied with what is transitory 
 and vanishing, that all things under the sun are of this 
 nature, and are therefore "vanity of vanities, all vanity." 
 Forget the Creator in the creature, think only of pleasing 
 self, and the deeper your nature is, the sooner and more 
 bitterly will you cry with the Lotus-Eaters : 
 
 " Hateful is the dark-blue sky 
 Vaulted o'er the dark-blue sea. 
 Death is the end of life ; ah, why 
 Should life all labour be ? 
 Let us alone. Time driveth onward fast, 
 And in a little while our lips are dumb. 
 Let us alone. What is it that will last ? 
 All things are taken from us, and become 
 Portions and parcels of the dreadful past." 
 
 God has made us for Himself, and we cannot rest except in 
 Him. All things under the sun must appear vanity of 
 vanities or emptiness of emptiness " hollow " as the blase 
 used-up man now calls them when we attempt to quench 
 
THE WISE MAN'S CONCLUSION. 281 
 
 with anything less than the highest good, the highest truth, 
 and the highest beauty, souls "athirst for God, yea, even 
 for the living God." The preacher, not without bitter 
 experience, came to the conclusion, that the chief good, 
 indeed the only good, for man is to fear God and to keep 
 His commandments. 
 
 There are four things in which inexperienced people 
 believe man's highest happiness to consist. These are 
 knowledge, pleasure, ambition, riches. Does any one of 
 these or all of them together completely satisfy ? From per- 
 sonal experience Solomon could answer, " No ! the immortal 
 soul of man soars above them all. Like Noah's dove, she 
 can find no rest for the sole of her foot on anything under 
 the sun." 
 
 Let us listen to the preacher's words in reference to these 
 four supposed sources of complete happiness. He speaks 
 thus of knowledge : 
 
 " I communed with mine own heart, saying, Lo, I am 
 come to great estate, and have gotten more wisdom than all 
 they that have been before me in Jerusalem : yea, my heart 
 had great experience of wisdom and knowledge. And I gave 
 my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly : 
 I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit. For in much 
 wisdom is much grief : and he that increaseth knowledge, 
 increaseth sorrow." Knowledge cannot satisfy us, for the 
 more we know the more we find there is to be known. In 
 the valley of ignorance we see little ; but once ascend the 
 mountain of science, and from its summit you get an endless 
 prospect of things past finding out. This was the meaning 
 
282 "MANNERS MAKYTH MAN" 
 
 of Newton's words, that, " he was like a little child gathering 
 shells on the shore of the great ocean of being." Know- 
 ledge again suggests far more doubts than it satisfies. It 
 humbles us, too, for the man who knows anything knows 
 that this world and all the concerns of man are, when com- 
 pared with the. universe of other worlds, no greater than are 
 the little ants and the burdens they carry, when compared 
 with ourselves and those belongings of ours about which there 
 is so much " fretful stir unprofitable." 
 
 On finding that in his case the increase of knowledge was 
 the increase of sorrow, we can imagine Solomon speaking 
 thus to himself: "Away with this dry light, these musty 
 books. Let me enjoy pleasure ; there is a time to be merry 
 as well as to be wise. I'm not going to be a bookworm. 
 Weary of being a pedant, I shall try the life of a sensualist." 
 Here is his experience as a man of pleasure : " I said in 
 mine heart, Go to now, I will prove thee with mirth, there- 
 fore enjoy pleasure ; and, behold, this also is vanity. I said 
 of laughter, It is mad ; and of mirth, What doeth it ? " Yet 
 he was not a stupid sensualist. He avoided the mistake of 
 crowding the pleasure of a life-time into one short summer, 
 to be followed by many winters of discontent. He endea- 
 voured to mix reason with pleasure to be wisely self- 
 indulgent. He was not going to make his nerves thrill 
 until they were shattered. He would sip the cup of enjoy- 
 ment and would not choke himself with greedy gulping. He 
 would be a moderate drinker, and would moderate all his 
 pleasures generally. " I sought in mine heart to give myself 
 unto wine, yet acquainting mine heart with wisdom, and to 
 
THE WISE MAN'S CONCLUSION. 283 
 
 lay hold on folly, till I might see what was that good for the 
 sons of men, which they should do under the heaven all the 
 days of their life." But even this prudence, which preferred 
 to have pleasure long rather than strong even this alliance 
 between gaiety and wisdom was also found to be vanity. 
 Solomon learned that " a man of pleasure is a man of 
 pains." He could understand the Cabinet Minister, who, 
 thinking of the satiety and labour of pleasure, said, " that 
 life would be tolerable but for its pleasures," or the poet 
 whose experience it was that 
 
 Pleasures are like poppies spread, 
 You seize the flower, its bloom is shed, 
 Or, like the snow-fall in the river, 
 A moment white, then melts for ever." 
 
 Solomon had made the discovery that the soul of man 
 cannot be sustained on the husks of mere pleasure ; but 
 what if ambition, that "last infirmity of noble minds," with 
 its scorn of delights and laborious days what if this be the 
 source of man's highest happiness ? Power over others 
 power to make your will law that, if anything, must surely be 
 happiness. Hear the wise man's experience : " Better is a 
 handful with quietness, than both the hands full with travail 
 and vexation of spirit. Better is a poor and a wise child than 
 an old and foolish king who will no more be admonished." 
 Those in high position have greater responsibility than those 
 who are in humble life. They must needs be very anxious. 
 The sleep of the labouring man is sweet, but " uneasy lies the 
 head that wears a crown." 
 
284 " MANNERS MAKYTH MAN." 
 
 The fourth recipe Solomon tried was riches. Could 
 money buy from him his " divine discontent " ? " He that 
 loveth silver shall not be satisfied with silver; nor he that 
 loveth abundance with increase : this is also vanity. When 
 goods increase, they are increased that eat them : and what 
 good is there to the owners thereof, saving the beholding of 
 them with their eyes ? " The Silas Marners of the world 
 are far from being happy. The more money a man has the 
 more he wants. Nor does the rich man really enjoy more 
 than he who has enough. Croesus has not two mouths, so 
 as to eat two dinners at once. He cannot drive in two 
 carriages at the same time. When a man's riches increase 
 he is troubled and devoured with parasites. The luxuries 
 on his table undermine his health, or his money may lead 
 him to ruinous gambling. Is he of a saving nature ? Then 
 his son will probably dissipate his beloved guineas, flinging 
 them over the publican's counter or dashing them into the 
 laps of harlots. 
 
 Was it any wonder that Solomon, after all these experi- 
 ences, should come to the conclusion that man only be- 
 comes happy when, ceasing to think of self, his one desire is 
 to serve God ? We only become happy when we are will- 
 ing to pass happiness by, when we can lose ourselves in some 
 glorious aim. We must be miserable when self rather than 
 God is the centre of our world. Empty yourself of self, and 
 God will fill you. Empty yourself of God, and then you 
 will lose your life by trying to save it. 
 
 The moral of the Book of Ecclesiastes appears to be this : 
 that selfishness is a great mistake, and produces no fruit of 
 
THE WISE MAWS CONCLUSION. 285 
 
 real happiness emptiness of emptiness, nothing but empti- 
 ness within the soul ! And does not a greater than Solomon 
 assure us that " Whosoever drinketh of this water shall 
 thirst again; but whosoever drinketh of the water that I 
 shall give him shall never thirst \ but the water that I shall 
 give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into 
 everlasting life " ? 
 
 " Oh, if I were ever lucky enough to call this estate mine, 
 I should be a happy fellow," said a young man. " And 
 then?" said a friend. "And then?" "Why, then I'd 
 pull down the old house and build a palace, have lots 
 of prime fellows round me, keep the best wines and the 
 finest horses and dogs in the country." "And then?" 
 "Why then, I'd hunt, and ride, and smoke, and drink, and 
 dance, and keep open house, and enjoy life gloriously." 
 "And then?" "Why, then I suppose, like other people, 
 I shall grow old and not care so much for these things." 
 " And then ? " " Why, then I suppose, in the course of 
 nature, I shall leave all these pleasant things and well, 
 yes die!" "And then?" " Oh, bother your Athens'! I 
 must be off." Many years afterwards the friend was accosted 
 with, " God bless you, I owe my happiness to you ! '' 
 "How?" "By two words spoken in season long ago 
 'And then?'" 
 
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