YALE UNIVERSITY LIBRARY
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YALE UNIVERSITY LIBRARYTHE LADIES' BUDGET OF 'WIT.
CONUNDRUMS
SENT IN TO COMPETE FOR
TIE VALUABLE SERVICE OF SILVER,
CONSISTING OF A
silver tea kettle, silver tea pot, ©ream ewer, water and sugar bowls;
FIVE PIECES .—VALUE, FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS.
PRESENTED BY
PROFESSOR ANDERSON,
THE GREAT WIZARD OF THE NORTH,
FOR THE
BEST ORIGINAL ONE ADJUDGED BY A DISINTERESTED JURY OF THIRTEEN, SELECTED FROM AND BY THE AUDIENCE,
r> u
HIS GREAT CONUNDRUM NIGHT
GIVEN AT THE
METROPOLITAN HALL,
On FRIDAY EVENING, FEBRUARY 6th, 1852.
NEW YORK: baker, godwin & co., book and job printers,
CORNER NASSAU AND SPRUCE STREETS.
1 8 5 2.Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1652, by BAKER, GODWIN & CO., In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the Southern District of New YorlPREFACE.
Professor Anderson, in offering these Prizes to the citizens of New York, Brooklyn,Wi!liamsburgh, Jersey City, and their vicinities, for whose patronage he again desires to express his warmest thanks, begs to state that he offers them without reference to politics or religion.
As a public character, supported by classes of -all graded of opinion, he stands aloof from opinions," religious or political." In the list of Conundrums sent in to compete for the Prizes, he has received all sorts—some knocking over governments, churches, states, and people—some on various personal and leading topics—wading through deserts, flowers, underwoods, and forests—continents from China to California, from the Ganges to the Mississippi—on places and pei'sons, for and against everything, everybody, and of himself in any quantity. And he has received them all without prejudice to either one party or the other. On their being read, he trusts they will be received in like manner, without party spirit or ill-feeling, whatever the subject.
To prevent loss of time and much unnecessary tedium to the audience, 250 of each set of (Ladies' and Gentlemen's) Conundrums will be read. Each Conundrum will bear a consecutive number in the printed book, so that any competitor whose Conundrum is not among those selected " to be read," but who desires, can have it read by intimating its number to the Foreman of the Jury, who will place it in competition to be adjudged.THE
GREAT CONTEST OF WIT;
OR,
GRAND CONUNDRUM NIGHT,
FOR TtiE BENEFIT OF
PROFESSOR ANDERSON,
Who, grateful for the immense patronage which has been bestdwed upon him by the citi-'zens of New York, Brooklyn, Williamsburgh, Jersey City and their vicinities, is desirous, previous to his departure, of leaving
A MEMENTO OF HIS GRATITUDE,
For the unparalleled support with which his exertions have been crowded by the citizens,
will present
The first to a Lady, value 400 Dollars; the second to a Gentleman, value 250 Dollars, for the two best original conundrums, invented by a Lady and Gentleman, whose residence must be either in New York, Brooklyn, Williamsburgh, Jersey City or their immediate vicinities.
The Lady's prize, a Magnificent Massive
SILVER BREAKFAST & TEA SERVICE, FIVE PIECES.
The Gentleman's prize, an Elegant Massive Large
SILVER PITCHER AND TWO GOBLETS.
These Valuable and Elegant prizes were manufactured expressly, by
BALL, BLACK & CO., COB. MURRAY ST. AND BROADWAY.
This great event, unparalleled in this country, took place at the
METROPOLITAN, LATE TRIPLER, HALL,
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 1852.PROFESSOR ANDERSON,
In order to afford the most unqualified satisfaction to all parties in allotting the valuable awards, submitted the following plan of arrangements, to be strictly complied with, in order to facilitate an undertaking so gigantic and interesting, and which plan, on several similar presentations in Europe, met with the warmest approbation of the Press and Community.
PL A. 3XT.
1st. Ladies and Gentlemen desiring to compete, sent in their Conundrums, with answers, (with their name and address in full, and in confidence,) directed to J. H. Wilton, Manager for Professor Anderson, at Jollies Music Store, 300 Broadway, and post-paid, or personally delivered.
2nd. N. B.—No Conundrum of other than the most proper character recognized.
3rd. The subject as much as possible confined to the topics of the day.
After Professor Anderson has concluded his performances on the Conundrum Night, he will appear and summon a jury of thirteen from the audience. He will address the audience as follows:
" Ladies and Gentlemen: Be pleased to choose your Jurors who are to decide this great question of wit at issue ; but prior to your making your selection, I beg to inform you that the gentlemen whom you may select must not be competitors, nor have any immediate interest in any friend who is." The audience having chosen thirteen gentlemen, Professor A. will then request the Jury to choose their own Foreman, whom it will be understood will have the casting vote. The Jury beiug seated on the Platform, Professor A. will say— " Gentlemen, are any of you competitors, or have you au iuterest in auy friend who is?'' This question, of course, will be answered upon honor. The audience being fully satisfied with the Jury, Professor Anderson will address the Foreman: ''Sir, I beg to hand you these pieces of plate. The breakfast and tea service, be it understood, will be given to a Lady, for the best original Conundrum, according to your decision. The pitcher and two goblets will be given to a Gentleman, for the best orginal Conundrum, also according to your decision. Take this property, which ceases to be mine. I place implicit confidence upon your decision, fully relying on your impartiality and true feeling of justice. My duty is here ended; all that now rests with me to do is to hear the Conundrums read, Question and Answer. I beg prior to my withdrawing, to suggest the following plan for your guidance: The conundrums of true merit will be received by the audience with loud applause ; these you will be pleased to mark as a guide for your selection. Those of a character below mediocrity will be received with solemn silence, while those very bad or partaking of Joe Mil-erism, the audience will receive as they deserve. When you have heard the Conundrums read,PLAN OF ARRANGEMENTS.
7
question and answer, you will retire and deliberate on those marked by you, and consider your verdict. Here are the original vouchers, question and answer, with the names and addresses of the ladies and gentlemen competing. Having oome to a decision, Gentlemen, you will apply to these vouchers, each bearing a corresponding number of the printed book in your possession. Having given your verdict, the successful competitors will be called to receive from your hands their prizes. Should the successful parties not be present, you will allow one hour; and as the name and address of each person is known, a carriage will be in waiting to bring the successful competitor to receive the prizes from your hands. This, sir, should satisfy all parties that the prizes are awarded according to your decision. (It is expected that all competitors will be present.) Should the successful competitor neither be present nor be found within the hour, you, sir, will deliver the prizes into the hands of the Mayor, to be disposed of by him for the benefit of the poor, according to his judgment.''THE PRIZE CONUNDRUMS
IN EUROPE.
The satisfaction at all times universally expressed, wherever Professbr Anderson has had similar contests, it may hot be uninteresting to the reader, to know the quality of Conundrums that have taken prizes from the Professor elsewhere. The following are those for which were awarded prizes in Europe.
AT LIVERPOOL.—Prize, £40—$200. Question.—What is the difference between a Priest and a Window 1 Answer.—The one is the light of Heaven, and the other the way to Heaven, and we're preciously taxed for both.
AT GLASGOW.—Prize, £50—$250. Ques.—Why was King Robert the Bruce, at the Battle of Bannockburn, like a Liberal Theatrical Manager ?
Ans.—Because he gave his Enemies Pit accommodation, without charging them, and let his Friends go Scot-free.
AT EDINBURG.—Prize, £60—$300.
Ques.—Why did the 42nd Regiment of Highlanders do the most execution at the Battle of Waterloo ?
Ans.—Because each man had one kill'd (kilt) before the Battle commenced.
AT NEWCASTLE UPON TYNE.—Prize, £20—$100. Ques.—What Heavenly thing and Earthly thing has a rainy day thesame influence over? Ans.—The Sun and Boots, because it takes the shine out of them both.
AT PLYMOUTH.—Prize, £20—$100. Ques.—Why is the Bishop of Exeter like a mad Bull ?
Ans.—Because he first makes Shore (sure) his Victim, and then rushes headlong to Goreham (gore him.)
AT MANCHESTER—Prize, £30—$150. Ques.—When was Great Britain considered to be of the least value ? Ans.—When its Kingdom was offered for a Horse. (Vide Richard III.)
AT BRISTOL.—Prize, £20—$100. Ques.—Why is a Collier of necessity a most contemptible member of Society. Ans.—Because he will descend lower to do dirty work, than any of his fellow men, and is not ashamed of getting through the world by undermining it.
Professor Anderson performs in New Orleans from and after the 1st of March next, at the Amory Hall, will proceed thence on a Southern tour, and purposes next summer to zommence an entirely NEW AND SPLENDID SERIES OF AMUSEMETNS IN THIS CITY, on a GRAND and EXTENSIVE SCALE, due notice of which
will be given, and for which he requests your attention.LADIES' CONUNDRUMS,
TO BE
i
1.	Why are the ladies of this assembly like a persoii coming to breakfast after Grace ?
Because they are after the service ?
2.	When is a man most in danger of being beaten ?
When he belongs to a elub.
, 3. When is the bark of the pine no longer bark?
When it's a fire (on fire.)
4.	Why is Professor Anderson's performance like the kissing of a sweet pretty girl?
Because you cannot get enough of it.
5.	Why is Kossuth like the polar star?
Because his principles are steadfast.
6.	Why is a pilot steering a steamboat into harbor like a tobacconist?
Because he has to-back-her (tobacco.)
7.	What difficulties have the jurors in the Forest Divorce Case to go through ?
They have to go through a labyrinth of Forests, Flowers and Underwood.
8.	Why is the inventor of this conundrum, who is not wealthy, like an enthusiastic, benevolent woman ?
Because she wishes to receive from Magic And-(A)-er-son the plate that can " fork over" food to Hung(a)ry children.
9.	Why is Professor Anderson like Jenny Lind ?
Because his name will be ever remembered in the hearts of the American people for his charitable acts.
10 Why is Professor Anderson's feat of the Mysterious Disappearance like twilight ?
Because, as the sun (son) disappears, the star of the evening ascends.
11. In what respects are Professor Anderson and our Savior alike ?
Because they worked miracles and fed the hungry.
12.	What great national privilege may be aptly illustrated by grasping with vigor the hand of a friend ?
The power of the press.
13.	Why is* Louis Napoleon like a good cook?
Because the Boney-part raised quite a stew in Paris, settled the hash of a great number of people, yet did not let the priests turn the least crusty.
14.	Why does the Forrest Divorce Case resemble a a political contest?
Because it has two parties for Advocates.
15.	Why is Professor Anderson, when experimenting with his wonderful and inexhaustible bottle, like a person who strikes another on the most prominent part of the face ?
Because he is very apt to draw the claret.
16.	Why is Professor Anderson like a tavern-keeper ?
Because his facinating entertainments with the (bewitched) bottle draws many people to (tiers) tears.
17.	Why is Professor Anderson's bottle like the blessings of Heaven ?
Because it is inexhaustible.
18.	What is that which Adam never saw, never possessed, and yet he gave two to each of his children ?
Parents.
19.	Why are the soirees of Professor Anderson like the United States Government ?
Because they are-public and the United States Government is a republic.
20.	Why is this audience like a vessel long at sea ?
Because there is many an anxious one within.
21.	Why was the recent charity of Pro^ feasor Anderson to the poor of this city like10
ladies' conundrums.
the donations of the American people to Governor Kossuth ?
Because it was material aid for the hungry (Hungary) people.
22.	Why is Professor Anderson like Jenny Lind?
He stands unequalled in his art as a magician as Jenny Lind a vocalist, and is kind and liberal in his gifts to the poor, the same.
23.	Why may wc compare Professor Anderson to our immortal Washington ?
Because both, by their deeds of charity, have won for themselves something more lasting than life, viz.: a name, which will be handed down from generation to generation, as au example to be followed by all good men.
24.	Why may we oompare our immortal Washington to our mother earth ?
Because our Maker, God, never willed that either should be destroyed by the power of mortal man.
25.	Why is Governor Kossuth like the North polar star?
Because he is circumvented by the Great Bear.
26.	Why is our Court of Justice, at the present time, like the Hudson River at the time that Christopher Columbus first landed in America ?
It separates Forests.
Why is Professor Anderson, as a '*€ent," like the belle of the ball-room ?
Because he not only enchants, but actually bewitches us—the ladies.
28.	Why will the authors of the two best conundrums resemble the ladies and gentlemen of Montevideo?
Because they can look with pride on their own beautiful" La Plhta."
29.	Why is Mrs. Forrest like a morning sun on a western prairie, after the fog and smoke have disappeared ?
Because she has risen above the Forest.
30.	In the recent divorce case, what tree was found that made sin■ clear ? (Sinclair.)
A-dul-tree. (Adultery.)
31.	Why is Professor Anderson like the moon ?
Because he outshines all the stars.
32.	When is man, like friendship, most severely tried ?
When he stands a loan.
33.	Why is the Czar of Russia like Professor Anderson's wonderful hat?
Because he is a Chap o' (chapeau) le diable.
34.	Why is Brother Jonathan like the ^greatest philanthropist that ever lived ?
Because he furnishes a capitol (capital) for honorable men, arms (alms) for Hungary (hungry) men, and free living for all men.
35.	Why is Kossuth destined to be a great subject of the Queen of Eugland?
Because he is sure to be victorious (Victoria's.)
36.	Why are the stars of our national banner like Kossuth and his fellow patriots 1
Because they are destined to become the suns (sons) of European freedom.
37.	Why are the silver sets before us like the sleepy husbands whom we left behiud us?
Because they will be very likely to turn into feather beds before we reach home.
38.	What land has produced the greatest man of the day ?
Ash-land.
39.	Why is the steamship Baltic, before entering the bay of New York, like the Atlantic Hotel keeper's wife ?
Because she is mistress of the Atlantic.
40.	Why is Mr. Charles O'Conor like an unpoetical woodman ?
Because he crushes the Flowers in clearing the Forest.
41.	If the Professor was in search of a wife, why would he select a widow having an heir?
Because he would naturally want a Lady, And-her-son.
42.	Why is an Irish hod-man, who worked on Stewarts' Marble Palace, like Queen Victoria?
Because he has descended from a great house, and ascended to a high situation.
43.	Why is Mr. O'Conor like Perseus?
Because he rescued a female from a dangerous position.
44.	If Van Amburgh, in his familiar intercourse with the Animals, were to command the Lion to go to sleep, what monarch would he apostrophize in demanding prompt obedience from the King of beasts?
Nap-O-Lion/ (Napoleon.)
45.	Why is the present audience, witnessing the wonders of Professor Anderson, like a Bee-Hive ?
Because they are be-holders.
46.	Why are the eloquent appeals of Kossuth, like the conspiracies of ancient Rome?
Because they are designed to defeat the ambitious views of a C-zar. (Caesar.)
47.	Why must the Wizard of the North secure dame fortune's richest boon?
Because loud Fame has sung the worth of mighty Genius, And-her-son.ladies' conundbums.
11
48.	Why are the ladies of New York at the present time, like good Generals?
Because they have an eye to the Service.
49.	Why are the author of the Prize conundrum and the silver tea-set alike?
Because they are (won) one in a thousand.
50.	Why is the audience at the Metropolitan Hall, on Professor Anderson's benefit night, like his benevolence.
Because it is full to overflowing.
51.	Why is Professor Anderson's audience, after witnessing his performance, like Metropolitan Hall with the gas turned off.
Because they are all left in the dark.
52.	Why are the audience on the night of Professor Anderson's benefit, at Metropolitan Hall, like the ofioers and crew of the Chesapeake, when engaged with the Shannon?
Because all are eager to gain the prize.
53.	Why is Professor Anderson unlike the American Art Union ?
Because he draws with his silver (arf-ifice) while the Union's(art ifice)cannot draw at all.
54.	What fine animal and occupation of inan, are similar in name ?
A great setter. (Grate-setter.)
55.	Why is Professor Anderson needed in every house?
Because he is chair-or-table, (charitable.)
56.	Why is Professor Anderson's'' silver" of more value to him than gold ?
Beoause his silver is the prize that draws, winning him golden honors, by adding thousands to his benefit.
57.	Why is a celebrated music seller in tfiis city like a Band of Minstrels.
Because they are both Jollie (jolly) Fellows.
58.	Why are the ladieB who write on this particular occasion, like (Eve) the mother of all living ?
Because they were tempted by the greatest of all deceivers.
59.	Why is Kossuth like the diamond in the chrystal palace?
Because he attracts all.
60.	Why are the competitors for the prize conundrums like a monkey ?
Because they possess assurance.
61.	Why is caoutchouc like Barnum's conscience ?
Because it is elastic.
62.	Why is the Art Union like a poor actor ?
Because it can't draw.
63.	Why is Professor Anderson like a notorious flirt?
Because always attracting and always deceiving.
64.	What great natural phenomena, unequalled in the history of our cliftiate, has lately been observed ?
An evergreen forest, (Forrest) producing Flowers in mid-winter.
65.	Why is the celebrated Lola Montez's head the heaviest part of her body ?
Because she has more sound sense in it than she can dance off with her toes.
66.	Why are the people of France at the present time like a feline quadruped in a well known fable ?
Because they are made a cat's paw of by a monkey.
67.	Why is Hungary like a quarrel among: friends ?
Because it is an alienation (alien-nation, a-lion~nation.)
68.	What makes an ox drivel ?
Because he can:t spit.
69.	Why is the Emperor of Austria $nd Hungary like P. T. Barnum and New York ?
Because his greatest desire is to annihilate her (Annihilator.)
70.	Why were the witnesses in the late divorce case like a pack of hounds?
Because they make known the secrets of the Forest.
71.	Why was Queen Eli abeth a greater person than Professor Anderson ?
Because he is a wonder, and she was a Tudor, (twoder.)
72 Why is Professor Anderson like the moou ?
Because he is continually changing.
73.	Why is a New York omnibus like the heart of a flirt?
Because there is always room for one more to be taken in.
74.	Why is Dickens like the Mississippi/ river ?
Because he runs down a great country.
75.	In this contest for wit, to whom should the prize be given ?
To the well known American poet, because he is wittier, (J, G. Whittier.)
76.	Why is the writer of this conundrum like a domestic servant out of employment ?
Because she wants to get a service, and is willing to carry off the tea things.
77.	Why is Professor Anderson so mueh like the blazing sun ?
Because he has the art of blinding every body's eyes.
78.	Why is the true Christian like Profes-sor Anderson's elegant service of ,plate 1
Because they reflect the image of their maker.•13
XADIE8' CONtTttDRtTMS.
?9. Why is Professor Anderson's magic bottle like Noah's Ark 1
Because Vrheb the Water subsides, the dove appears.
80.	Why is fashionable life like tainted meat?
Because it's high.
81.	Why was the late heavy fall of snow which we had in this city, like the ruthless tyrant Nero?
It caused the sleighing of many thousands of innocent persous, being deaf to their cries and coldly indifferent to their sufferings.
82.	Why are the names of two great actors like the first act of a soldier on going to war, and his first wish after the war is over ?
Because the first act of a soldier on going to war is to make-ready (Macready,) and his first wish after it is over, is for rest, (Forrest.)
83.	Why is the audience at a fashionable Theatre like ancient philosophers.
Because they laugh at the follies of men, weep at their crimes or misfortunes, have tittle interest in the stocks, but worship the stars.
84.	Why is a son of Erin like a cornucopia made of emerald 1
Because they are both green horns.
85.	Why is a fair bargain like a man without any legs ?
Because there is nothing to boot.
86.	Why are Laplanders like cavalry soldiers who have seen much service ?
Because they are accustomed to sleigh (slay) riding.
87.	Why is Professor Anderson like the first discovery of the gold in California ?
Because he is the greatest wonder of the age, and draws excited crowds from every quarter.
88.	Why is Mrs. Edwin Forrest like the United Stales of America ?
Because she fought for liberty, and was declared free and independent.
89.	Why is Jenny Lind like Christy's Minstrels ?
Because she draws full houses.
90.	Why is Kossuth like a parent soliciting charity ?
He asks for arms (alms) to keep others from getting Hungary (hungry.)
91.	Why are Jenny Lind's performances like the warring elements?
Because they beat the air.
92.	Why is the London Punch" less liked than formerly ?
Because they have no longer got " Peel1' to put in it.
93.	Why are the works of most authors of fiction like Stewart's celebrated marble store in Broad way 1
Because the greatest pains (panes) are shown in the first story.
94.	Why is Professor Anderson like our Saviour when on earth ?
By working miracles, they filled baskets with bread and meat, and said, Give ye them to eat,—and they, men, women and children did eat and were filled.
95.	Why is Max Maretzek likd a candle nearly eaten by a molise ?
He has been nibbled down (Niblo'd.)
96.	Why is Louis Kossuth like the sun ?
Because he diffuses true light far and
wide on his path, and is the life of European liberty, as the sun is the life of the frorld.
97.	Why are the two best conundrums to-night like Anderson's Mysteries" ?
Because they gather about them—as at a spirit feast—bright and beautifill sets of chased (chaste) and metal-some (mettlesome) creations, whose sweet-bowl'd (bold) offerings are wisely urned (earned) and sanctified on good celestial grounds! but whose tea-sing (teasing) "hiss" is never heard but when the " steam is on" and the wit is out.
98.	In what service are the competitors for the first prize of Professor Anderson engaged ?
The Wit-tea-service.
99.	Why were the American army in Mexico the best provided of all soldiers, and always invincible?
Because they had an immortal Taylor— tried Shields—soft Pillows—indefatigable Walkers—great Worth, and Twiggs to scourge the foe with.
100.	Why is the gentleman, in the most celebrated divorce case of the present day, like the dove when first sent forth from Noah's ark—and why is the lady like a person accused of crime whose innocence has been perfectly established ?
For rest (Forrest) he sought, but obtained not what he sought—while she was allowed to be sin-clear (Sinclair.)
101.	Why is the authoress of this conundrum like a Privateer?
Because she is in pursuit of a prize.
102.	Why does the verdict in the late divorce case prove Mrs. Forrest guilty ?
Because it makes her Sin-clear (clair).
103.	Why do all ladies look up to Professor Anderson ?
Because his reflections throw light upon the world.
104.	Why is Professor Anderson and theLADIES' CONUNPETJMS:
13
magnetic telegraph like the great immortal Washington ?
Because the unparalleled feats performed by Professor Anderson, and the speedy tidings conveyed by magnetic telegraph are atonishing wonders of the world.
105.	Why is tragedy like an oak tree ?
Beceuse it is the pride of an American
Forrest.
106.	Whv is Powers the Sculptor like a Ballet Dancer?
Because he makes a living by cutting figures.
107.	Why do the Emperor of Austria and a Fugitive Negro at the North feel alike ?
The cause, South Interference. Negro phrase Cus suth.
108.	Why is Mrs. Forrest no longer a Forrest 1
Because O'Conor has cleared it, and she is sin clear. (Sinclair.)
109.	What relation is Professor Anderson to bis Wife ?
He is her husband and her son. (Anderson.)
110.	Why is a lawyer like the devil?
Because he does his principal work in a
pit.
Ill; At what time may Professor Anderson's greatest wonders be considered as dirty tricks.
When his audience Add mire.
112.	Why is Professor Anderson like and unlike an accomplished pick-pocket?
He is like, because by mysterious arts and sciences he extracts silver from the pockets of every one.
And he is unlike, because by a contest of wit he allows that silver to be again extracted from him. Whereas, an accomplished pickpocket, after once having obtained possession, would manage to retain it by the contest of his wits.
113.	Why does Kossuth want Uncle Sam to imitate an unfeeling hotel keeper, who turns from his door a worn out traveller without shoes ?
Because, he .wants him to 6ay, You shant put your Barefeet in Hungry, no how.
114.	Why is Professor Anderson a veritable wizard ?
Because he raises the spirits and enchants all who enter his charmed circle.
115.	Why is Kossuth like a loaf of bread in a land of famine ?
Because thousands of Hungary men are looking towards him with eager and wistful eyes.
116.	Why is Queen Victoria and the young Prince of Wales like the greatest living magician ?
Because she is Her r and A er son.
117.	Why is a rhyme like a lover's appointment ?
Because it runs to metre, (meet her.)
118.	Why is Anderson, when he hands round the magic bottle, like a ship sailing for California ?
Bccause he passes round the Horn.
119.	Why is Ireland like a drying up and undefended swamp ?
Because its Shields have gone, and its moors are going.
120.	Why was Lola Montez's career in Bavaria like a thunderstorm?
Because she flashed, reigned, and cleared.
121.	Why is the Union like a human being?
Because its long existence depends upon the strength of its Constitution.
122.	Why are the ladies trying for the prize like Christie's minstrels looking through a knot hole for a sixpence?
Because the prize is silver.
123.	Why is Professor Anderson's Magic Scrap-book like his wife?
Because he has got from it A son.
124.	In which of Shakspeave's plays is Forrest the weakest ?
In Othelo ; because he has not strength to smother his wife with a Pillow of Flowers.
125.	Why do Kossuth and Kenkel, the two European patriots, deal largely in feathers?
Because Liberty has a nest in their hearts; on their beads they wear feathers plucked from the pinions of Liberty, and birds of a feather flock together.
126.	Why is a Feejee mermaid like a picture of Jenny Lind?
Because it is Miss-represented.
127.	Why is a little girl, in Bloomer costume, running before her grandmother, like an elephant drawing an old man on a wheelbarrow ?
Because she is in advance of the age.
128.	Why is Professor Anderson like the Aurora Borealis ?
Because they are the brilliant and magical light of the North.
129.	When did America commit a shameful act in performing a great feat?
When she shipped off her Long Mississippi to take a Hung'ry band from a port (Porte) that offered them admirable Turkey, and made them perform the Russ-ian march on Broadway.
130.	Why is, the lady who wins the prize14
ladies' conundrums.
like the Queen of England, Duke of Wei- : lington, and the people of the United States?
She is Vic Tory us.
131.	Why is the Liquor Law in Maine like a revival of religion?
Because there has been a general outpouring of the spirits.
132.	Why is this audience like a certain newspaper in this city ?	*
Because it furnishes material aid to Professor Anderson.
133.	Why was the search for witnesses in the late divorce case like the age we live in?
Because it was a rum-age (rummage).
134.	Why should honorable men be despised by every belle in town ?
Beoause they are by nature no belle men (noble-men).
135.	In what manner is the Government mean and forgetful of the females in their contracts with Collins's steamers?
Because they are so coutracted as only to pay for the males (the mails).
136.	Why is a man who has prepared himself for bad news like this conundrum ?
Because he is composed for the occasion.
137.	Why is the stage in Brougham's New York Broadway Lyceum like a lately discovered mountain region of the west ?
Because it is graced by a new, beautiful and rising Forest, whose armor of strength and virtue is suffioient to withstand the raging tempests and 6trife of warring elements.
138.	Why is the Wizard of the North, Professor Anderson, like our northern cataract, the Falls of Niagara?
Because he creates a tremendous roar.
139.	Why would a spider be a good correspondent?
Because he drops a line by every post.
140.	Why is a poker like Kossuth's speeches ?
Because they make a great stir.
141.	Why is man worse than the devil ?
Because if you resist the devil he will flee
from you, but if you resist man he will fly at you.
142.	Why is California like the North Pole?
Because it is a point of attraction.
143.	Why will the successful lady tonight cause the unsuccessful ones to go orazy ?
Because she will make them lose their wit.
144.	Why is Professor Anderson the best practical Christian of the day ?
Because he has given more meat to the
hungry, more drink to the thirsty and taken in more strangers than any man of the age.
145.	By what means are the citizens of New York enabled to discover the exorbitant exaction of the Gas Companies ?
By the raise (rays) of light continually issuing from their offices.
146.	Why is a drunkard, gazing on his empty bottle, like a ramble through Greenwood?
Because it brings him back to a recollection of departed spirits.
147.	Why is Kossuth like a suspended Unitarian ?
Because he is a Hun-garian.
148.	Why are the prizes like well-cleaned boots?
Because they are polished by Black Ball.
149.	With what state within the limits of the Union is the audience here assembled identified ?
The State of Expectation.
150.	If I were to ask Professor Anderson to take a walk with me, how could I do so in one word ?
Circumambulate (sir-come-ambulate.)
151.	When did Professor Anderson's gift of bread to the hungry poor on New Year's Day most resemble a nation ?
Just before it was placed in the oven; then it was a dough nation, (donation.)
152.	Why would an old-fashioned gentleman be most likely to answer the conundrums to-night correctly ?
He would most probably have a queue. (cue.)
153.	Why does Mrs. Forrest remind us of Bulwer's Lydon in the " Last Days of Pompeii ?"
Because she has conquered the <( Gladiator."
154.	Why is Mr. Van Buren's defense of Mr. Forrest like a man defending himself with candles ?
He had only weak (wick) points to offer.
155.	Why is the Yacht America like the successful lady this evening ?
Because she has proved herself the winner of the Briton's prize.
156.	Why is the Electric Telegraph like Maretzek ?
Because it beats time, and goes through the air.
157.	Why was the late Mrs. Forrest disr appoiuted by the verdict in her case ?
Because she sued for rest, (Forrest) and the verdict made her 6in clear. (Sinclair.)
158.	Why does the lady who wins theladies' conundrums.
15
prize offered by Professor Anderson, make a great mistake ?
She lakes a prize for a quibble.
159.	Why does the position of the successful lady for the prize this evening resemble that of a wealthy lady about selecting a husband ?
Because she is surrounded with competitors who are perfectly willing and anxious to share the silver.
160.	Why should the Government of the United States outlive all other governments?
Because it has not the best Constitution.
161.	Why is a wounded duck in the water endeavoring to escape, like the Secretary of State, in regard to Hungary?
Because it's a Web stir for freedom.
162.	Why is a man who grapples for a drowned person like a man who expresses sympathy for Kossuth ?
Because it is a fellow feeling for a fellow creature.
163.	Why is a young lady's heart like a bottle of Champagne ?
Because it intoxicates the gentlemen with its exhilarating effects.
164.	Why is Professor Anderson's Enchanted Bottle like the Great Temperance Reform ?
Because it Gough, Gough, Goughs Gin, Brandy, Champagne, Sherry, Juice of the Grape and Elderberry, Jamaica Rum " fine" and " old," Whisky Punch, hot and cold.
165.	Why do the competitors for the prizes of the evening resemble a drunken gambler?
Because, influenced by the cup, they try to win the silver.
166.	Why is Louis Kossuth like a benevolent society ?
Because lie wishes all well bred (bread), takes the sense (cents) of the community, and labors for the Hungry people.
167.	Why, if all were willing to contribute freely toward the Kossuth fund, would the result be much like this evening's entertainment ?
Because in the end there will be a valuable service conferred.
168.	Why is Professor Anderson like a church steeple?"
Because he stands high before the people.
169.	What plant is fatal to mice? Catnip.
170.	Why is Metropolitan Hall like Reservoir Square ?
Because one has riddled your pockets tonight, and the other will Riddle them the first " Fair" day.
171.	Why is Professor Anderoon like a finished architect ?
Because he draws good houses.
172.	What bill of a merchant is like that which is necessary to win the prize ?
A bill of tea (ability).
173.	Why is a traveller who has passed safely through the woods like a lady of New York?
Because he has escaped the dangers of the Forest.
174.	Why is Loqis Napoleon like a mourner's pocket handkerchief?
Because he has caught Thiers (tears).
175.	Why is O'Conor like a railroad company ?
Because he separates the Forests.
176.	Why is Anna Dempsey, in the celebrated divorce case, like one of Mr. Sinclair's favorite songs ?
Because she is The Flowers of the Forest."
177.	Why is the prize offered by Professor Anderson like a person astonished ?
Because it is a surprise (sir-prize.)
178.	Why has Professor Anderson done more for the temperance cause, than all the societies ?
Because they only banished the decanter from our side-boards, while he has made a clean wipe of the bottle.
179.	Why is the silver breakfast and tea service, in the window of Ball, Black & Co., corner of Murray St. and Broadway, like Professor Anderson's name ?
It is gained by the greatest wit.
180.	Why would Kossuth be dangerouB for Van Amburgh ?
Because he is the Hung(a)ry Lion.
181.	How can the secret paths of a Forest be discovered 1
By examining its underwood.
182.	Why is the Wizard of the North like a locomotive ?
Because he puffs immensely, and draws the million.
183.	Why is Professor Anderson like a coquette ?
Because he is viewed with fear and admiration.
184.	Why is this audience like the United States Senate, when debating on the compromise measure ?
Because we have submitted the question to a committee of thirteen.
185.	Why is Kossuth like a journeypian shoemaker, going in business for himself £
Because he has given up his all (awf,) but will still stick steadfast to the last.16
ladies' conundeums.
N/186. Why is a gambling house in Broad->way like a dry goods store ?
Because it has got patterns (Pat. HernB) in it.
187.	Why are Christy's Minstrels like Bank note engravers ?
Because they circulate their notes by means of the black art.
188.	Why are the prizes like the inexhaustible bottle?
Because they turn out all sorts of ardent spirits.
189.	Why did the ladies of Pittsburgh give less material aid to Kossuth, than they formerly gave to Clay ?
Because they presented their autographs to the one, and their bills to the other.
190.	Why is this gay and fashionable audience like a solemn and attentive religious meeting ?
Because our thoughts are on the service.
191.	Why is a child who has fallen from its mother's arms like rain ?
Because it is caught up again from whence it fell by its fountain head.
192.	Why is Mrs. Forrest like a vessel aground on Robbin's Reef?
Because the tide ran so strong she couldn't steer olear of the buoys (B'hoys).
193.	Why is the gentleman who wius the prize to-night like Saul, King of the Jews ?
Because with the service of black art he raises a great prophet.
194.	Why are the Professor's receipts tonight like a superb copy of the Beauties of Shakspeare ?
Because they are rich and elegant extracts of silver-plated illustrations, and the most desirable pocket addition.
195.	Why is Professor Anderson, immediately after leaving the middle passage of Metropolitan Hall like Kossuth ?
He is ex-aisled (exiled).
196.	Why is matrimony like a cobbler ?
Beoause it binds two souls (soles) in unity.
^"197. Why are all the portraits of Louis 'Napoleon bad likenesses ?
Because they give him more nose than eyes, when the fact is he has more ayes than noes.
X-J98. Why is Kossuth like a jackdaw ?
Because he sticks to his cause (caws).
199.	Why are Professor Anderson's performances like Faith ?
Because it is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen.
200.	Why will the Professor's presenta-
tions of the prizes produce a horse-laugh from the audience ?
Because they will be received by two whin-ners (winners).
201.	What prize will the winner first receive ?
A sur-prise.
202.	Why is Kossuth like the American people ?
His religion is Protestant, and his cause iB Freedom ?
203.	Why would this audience be unable to see the Swan of Erin if singing here to night ?
Because there would be a great haize before them. (Hayes.)
204.	Why are two men, each having one limb, like the Senate and the House of Representatives ?
Because they each have a foot. (Foote.)
205.	Why is Mrs. Forrest like a nightingale ?
Beoause she can sing clear (Sinclair) Caty did and Caty did'nt, through the head (Edwin) wind of the Forest.
206.	Why are the benches on which the ladies are seated lik^ Eve in primeval innocence ?
Because they are a little lower than the angels, and the fairest works of creation would be injured by their fall.
207.	Why are the prevailing topics of the day calculated to create unusual interest ?
Because they are
Amusing, Bewitching, Enchanting—Anderson ;
Attracting, Impressing, Appealing—Kossuth ;
Persuading, Exhorting, Entreating—New Maine Law ;
Astounding, Exciting, Dividing—Forrest. Divorce Case.
208.	Why are the ladies of New York, on New Year's Day, like merchants expecting the steamer from Europe ?
Because they are awaiting the arrival of the mails, (males.)
209.	Why are the ladies present like the-last emigrants arrived ?
Because they are trying to obtain service..
210.	What act of Louis Napoleon would most astonish the citizens of New York 1
That of bringing France into the Empire State.
211.	Why are mirrors silent 1
Because they are always reflecting.
212.	Why are our ladies like our constitutional laws?
Because they are in the hearts of every man.ladies' conundrums.
17
213.	Why are the wits of NeW York, at the present moment, like contending race horses ?
Because they are engaged in an eager contest for the prize-plate.
214.	What is the only living creature fashioned after a street ?
Oysters, on the Canal street plan.
£15. When is laughter decidedly out of place ?
When a man laughs on the wrong side of his mouth.
216.	Why is a Bloomer like P. T. Bar-■num ?
Because she pants for notoriety.
217.	When does a boy, watching his father raffle for a turkey, adopt the motto of the Empire State ?
When he cries excel air ! (Excelsior.).
218.	Why ought America to be considered the richest country in the world ?
Because its clay is composed of precious mettle, (metal.)
219.	Why are the meek like the winds?
Because they are the heirs, (airs) of the
earth.
220.	Which is the beat trick Professor Anderson has performed since he has been in America, to his own interest ?
Doubling the price of admission on the prize night, and thus gaining the price of the prizes.
221.	Why is the letter m like a man who feeds on fish ?
Because it makes meals of eals.
992 Why is a lawyer like a tailor?
Be pause one makes breeches, and the other mends them ; one is fond of cabbage, the other likes cabbage heads; one sows in pockets, and the other reaps there ; they both get their living by suits, and they both know bow to manage a goose.
223.	Why is Professor Anderson like Robinson Crusoe ?
Because he has his benefit of a Friday, and with the help of a Ball, profits by the service of a Black.
224.	Haw was Brother Jonathan, at the World' s Fair, the greatest Barber in the world ?
Because he could Turn the most Stubborn Locks so gracefully with the greatest ease, and Mow their Beards with a nicety, no matter how stiff and cross the Grain ; at the same time, with a few dashes of his Shears, crop them bare. He shows them a specimen of an American Clipper that goes ahead, a leetle the fastest, of any that ever crossed the water.
2
225.	Why should Mrs. Forrest be considered the standard of female excellence?
Because she is called (and has proved herself) sin-clear, (Sinclair) for which virtue she receives $3,000 a year.
226.	Why is the author of this Conundrum, like a servant that has had permission to go out to spend the evening ?
Because she is very anxious to clear away the tea things.
227.	Why is Professor Anderson like our best oculists ?
Because his cups make us smart
228.	Why is the congregation of an Episcopal church like the sun ?
Because they are continually rising and sitting (Setting).
.229. Why are the authors of Professor Anderson's conundrums like Kossuth ?
Because they have been doing head-work in order to obtain the silver.
230.	Why is the Indian's native home like a name lately abandoned ?
Because it is a Forest.
231.	If the parlor fire needed replenishing what great man's name would you mentioh in ordering a servant to attend to it 1
Phillip the Great (fill up the grate).
232.	Why is Professor Anderson like the telegraph wires?
Because he passes the article unobserved.
233.	Compared with other necromancers, how do Professor Anderson's feats resemble the number 40 ?
They excel (XL).
234.	Why is Professor Anderson's bottle like a charm ?
Because the oftener it is exhibited, the more it is wondered at.
235.	Why is a lady, who has not many admirers among the gentlemen, like a locomotive ?
Because when she makes advances, the sparks are sure to fly from her; and although she is often followed by a long train who will not make a tender of their affections, yet are willing to be found in stations very near her, and before she even moves, the men are sure to make tracks.
236.	Why is the three thousand a year Mrs. Forrest is to receive, like the money loaned by the French government to America, during the Revolution ?	,
Because it is alimony to maintain a separation.
237.	Why is this the greatest epoch in the lives of the competitors for the first prize ?
Because they are enchanted and feel jol-18
ladies' conundrums.
lie, but will near wilt on receiving a service from a Wizard.
238.	Why did the ladies in Pittsburgh give lessmaterial aid" to Kossuth than they formerly gave to Clay ?
Because they presented their autographs to the one, and their bills to the other.
239.	Why is Genin's spring hat like a drowning man ?
Because it's in, over head and ears, and wants to gel out.
240.	Why is the Island of Cuba like the present February ?
Because it has more than its fair proportion of Sun-days.
241.	Why is the Flag of the United States like the Northern Ocean ?
Because it waves from the Atlantic to the Pacific.
242.	In what does Mr. Anderson resemble a faithful minister of the Gospel ?
By causing us all to reflect upon the nature of our Rewards and Pun-ishments.
243.	Why iB Mr. Anderson like a Rocket?
Because he goes off when he is at his
highest pitch.
244.	Why iB the Art-Union like the United States 7
United it stands, distributed it falls.
245.	Why is a drunkard's nose like a new idea?
Because it is a Bloomer.
246.	When will Professor Anderson become equal to one of the greatest statesmen in America ?
When he becomes Henry Clay.
247.	Why are Professor Anderson's performances like an incorrigible old bachelor?
Because it is impossible to find a match for 'em (for him).
248.	Why does the present cold and dreary winter resemble the bright and beautiful months of spring ?
Because it has witnessed the clearing away of the Underwood, the relieving (releasing) of the Forrests and (Ann) Flowers, while the majestic Clift-on high remains placid (Placide) amid the passing storm, and the cuttings of the Oak-lie (Oakley) harmless around.
249.	In what does Congress resemble Professor Anderson's inexhaustible bottle ?
Their attention is slill to Fillmore.''
250.	Why is the year 1851 like a Kossuth Banquet ?
Because it gave Turkey a (long) to Hungary ! a bumper to the World's Fair;; a (Fill-more) to*Republican) America; and leaves the Bony-parte of Ham a President (Precedent).THE GENTLEMEN'S BUDGET OF WIT.
CONUNDRUMS
sent in to compete fob
THE VALUABLE SERVICE OF SILVER,
consisting of a magnificent
LARGE MASSIVE PITCHER, AND TWO GOBLETS,
VALUE, TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS,
fbesented by
PROFESSOR ANDERSON,
THE GREAT WIZARD OFTHE NORTH,
foe the
BEST ORIGINAL ONE, ADJUDGED BY A DISINTERESTED JURY OF THIRTEEN, SELECTED BY AND FROM THE AUDIENCE,
on
HIS GREAT CONUNDRUM NIGHT,
given at the
METROPOLITAN" HALL,
On FRIDAY EVENING, FEB. 6th, 1852.
NEW YORK: BAKER, GODWIN & CO., BOOK AND JOB PRINTERS,
1852.Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1852, by BAKER, GODWIN & CO., in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the Southern District of New York.GENTLEMEN'S CONUNDRUMS,
TO BE H. IB -A. D .
1.	Why is Professor Anderson the Prince of Alchemists?
Because he alone can say—" My Laboratory i6 my stic(k)."
2.	Why is one of the Editors of the Mirror like an unfurnished member of Scotch Royalty.
Because he is a seedy (C. D.) Stewart.
3.	Why is the Emperor of Austria like a great Spider ?
'Cause sooth, his prey to catch, he uses a Webb.
^Ct. Why is Professor Anderson like a North River Steamboat ?
Because he owns a blower (Wilton.)
5. Why is Professor Anderson, the magician, like the King-Bee on a Lady's bosom?
Because he is a brilliant Hum Bug and a Bee-witching Neck Romancer.
Why is Professor Anderson like two per.sous ?
Because he is Charity Anderson. (Charity, and her Sou.)
7. Why are the Rochester Knockings like Professor Anderson's Majic Bottle ?
Because they can supply spirits, in any variety, on the most reason able terms and at the shortest possible notice.
Why may the Secretary of State, Hon. Daniel Webster, be considered as having permanently adopted the profession of a Tallow Chandler ?	*
Because he says he was right in the affairs of Greece, (grease,) ia 1839, has remained so ever since, and wishes to try it out in Hun-gary.
9. Why is a man convicted of murder, like the Forrest divorce case ?
Because it might reasonably be supposed, when the jury agreed on tbe verdict, the case was near its end.
10. Why is the President's action on the doctrine of active intervention in the affairs of Europe, like a cistern filled full of water ?
Because it is well known, to Fillmore, (fill more,) a going over must necessarily follow*
1. Why is Anderson's Bottle different from Bamum's Bottle ?
Because one is a humbug Bottle, and the other is a Bottle humbug.
12. Why was Mrs, Fry, visiting the prisons in company with her eldest son, like the great Wizard of the North ?
Because she is the Benevolent Anderson. (And her son.)
y 13. Why is one of the Commissioners for relieving the Poor, like a very dull horse ?
Because his feelings are often touched.
X 14. While eating buckwheat cakes, what insect do we generally make ?
We make the Butter-By.
15. Why did Solomon say, that there was nothing new under the sunl
Because he never knew one Anderson.
jgfc Why are the Bakers that made the bread Professor Anderson gave to the Poor, like the Poor that received it?
Because the Bakers kneaded the dough, the Poor needed the bread.
17.	Why is Professor Anderson the most perfect gentleman in New York ?
Because he is universally allowed to be the best bred (bread) man in the city; and thousands can .bear testimouy how be f-itting (beef-eating) his accomplishments have been to their joy and happiness.
18.	Why was the battle of Monterey like New York, the past week?
Because it was given up to slaying, sleighing.
19.	Why is Professor Anderson like the illustrious Kossuth ?22
gentlemen's conundrums.
Because he is an advocate of <( material aid" for the Hungry ones, (Hungarians.)
20.	Why am Professor Anderson in de bottle trick like a colored bar-keeper ?
Does you gub him up ? Well, den, case he's a negro-man-sir (necromancer) and deals out all sorts of liquors.
21.	Why is a Wall street broker like the Emperor of Austria?
The one is supported by Aristocratic stock, the other by Stock aristocracy.
22.	Why should the great Wizard's wife more easily obtain a divorce than Mrs. Forrest?
Because he is her husband, (and her son) Anderson.
23.	Why does not Barnum take possession of Professor Anderson's son as a relic ?
Because he cannot lay hands on him, as he alwayB jumps up about twenty yards ahead. (See performances in Tripler Hall, act 1 of the Mysterious Disappearance.)
24.	Why is Mrs. Anderson guilty of bigamy?
Because she is the wife of the professor and her son (Anderson).
25.	Why are all the women of Holland like the nobility?
Because they are all Dutchesses.
26.	Why is the original Catherine N.Sinclair like the popular George Copway ?
Because she has escaped the perpetual bondage of an unreclaimed Forest.
27.	Why are the audience this evening «< the children of light"?
Because the light is a(p)parent to them.
28.	What is the difference between one of Professor A.'s prizes and a piece of household furniture in common use ?
One is a tea set the other a settee.
29.	Why is Professor Anderson the wonder of deception ?
Because he lives honestly by it and con-jureB society to admire what it universally abhors.
30.	Why is Professor Anderson the most dangerous man in New York ?
Because he has engaged both sexes in a prize fight.
31.	Why will the gentleman who wins Professor Anderson's prize be likely to prove a very intemperate man ?
Because, in the first place, he will get Jollie (jolly) to send it in, will be full of spirits when he wins, and finally will be quite ready to take off a pitcher and two goblets.
32- When is a person's mouth like a public park?
When it contains several (achers) acres.
33.	Why is Professor Anderson like a person about to suffer a military execution ?
Because he is pretty sure to be riddled to death.
34.	Why should the " Great Wizard of the North1' be doubly endeared to Great Britain ?
Because be is a professor And (h)er son.
35.	Why are the blushes on a young lady's cheeks like the smiles of infancy ?
Because they are the emblem of innocence.
36.	Why is the Wizard of the North like two twins (brother and sister) ?
Because they are a daughter And(a)son.
37.	Why is Professor Anderson, in his celebrated bottle trick, like a certain clique of leading politicians at the present day?
Because after filling a few glasses, he goes to Fill-more.
38.	Why is Kossuth a great glutton ?
Because after having plenty of good Turkey, and an invitation to Fill-more, his cry is, alas ! Hung{a)ry ! Hung(a)ry .'
39.	Why is the Wizard of the North like the owner of a mine of treasure?
Because he brings out the change of the land by pitting many people to bore for silver.
40.	Why was Genin 60 great a man after Jenny Lind's arrival ?
Because he was the first hatter (at her) in this country ; that's the ticket.
41.	A father calls to his son, and the son answers him; what Scripture name will express both the call and the response?
Ben-hey-dad. (Benhadad.)
42.	Why is the down trodden liberty of Hungary like a treasure locked'up in an iron safe?
Because it requires two keys to get to it ; the Tur-fcey and the Yan-fcee.
43.	Why is an emigrant boarding-house like the Hudson River Railroad?
Because the sleepers lie in tiers, and are ridden over by the conductors.
44.	Supposing that Kossuth and his brave follew patriots had proved ungrateful and treacherous to those who sheltered them when in their exile, and joined with the Russian beaj and Austrian wolf in their dastardly designs upon the " Grand Porte," why would they have been like a New England Thanksgiving dinner party, when the deacon is saying grace ?
Because they would have been hungry 'uns (Hungarians) looking with a longing eye upon, contemplating a demonstration and an inroad into, and plotting the dismemberment and destruction of Turkey.gentlemen's contotdbums.
23
45.	Why is Professor Anderson's benefit this evening like the great Forrest trial that has lately taken place in this city ?
Because it has produced a great excitement in this city.
46.	Why is the " Wizard of the North" a legitimate inheritor of his art ?
Because he is universally known as En-dor's son- (Anderson.)
47.	Why should Counsellor O'Conor be considered the greatest pioneer in our coun-try?
Because in one month he annihilated the •Great American Forrest, and almost used up the Underwood and Flowers.
48.	Why is Professor Anderson, the Wizard of the North, like Louis Kossuth?
Because one has an inexhaustible bottle of liquids, and the other an inexhaustible bag of wind, on which they respectively draw ad libitum, for the gratification of their audiences.
49.	Why does to-night resemble a benefit given to the drum and triangle players of Christy's minstrels?
Because it is a cone and drum (Conundrum) night.
50.	Why is this Conundrum like the Prize Conundrum ?
Because they are both sent for the same purpose.
51.	Wh^ may Professor Anderson, the giver of these prizes, be compared to Washington ?
Because the sole aim of one was to gain the liberty of his country, the other to gain the meaiis of relieving the poor, by which aots they have gaiped that which will last, and can never die, viz: the everlasting gratitude of their fellow countrymen.
•52. Why is Anna Flowers' testimony in the Forrest Divorce Case like a young unmarried lady's acting on the stage ?
Because it is a Miss-representation.
53.	Why is Professor Anderson like Louis Napoleon ?
Because by his deceitful tricks he has astonished the whole world.
54.	Why is a line which communicates between the old and new world like a star now visible?
Because it is a Collins.
55.	What medicine docs a man take for a scolding wife ?
He takes an elixir. (He takes and he licks her.)
56.	Why are the Conundrums to-night like the elect ?
Because many are called, but few are «hoson.
57.	Why are the inhabitants of France a sleepy people ?
Because they have taken a Nap. for ten years.
58.	Why are the boys under Professor Anderson's basket like the inhabitants of Hayti?
Because they are liberated by the power of a negro-man, sir. (Necromancer.)
59.	Why are the unsuccessful prize seekers to-night poor pitiful maniacs?
Because they have lost their wits, and will go home dolorous. (Dollar-less.)
60.	Why are some of the conundrums offered this evening like a man proeuring credit?
Because they are sure to be booked.
61.	Why i- a gentleman taking a view of New York like a man carving a leg of pork?
Because he has Gotham (got-ham) before him.
62.	When did the yacht America perform her greatest wonder ?
When she made the Bulls look astonished at Cowest and admit the superiority of the American Steers.
63.	Why ought the American people to emulate all that is great and good ?
Because they have such admirable precedents (Presidents) given them.
64.	Why is Professor Anderson like the contributors to the Kossuth Fund? |i
Because he gives aid to hungry poor— they to poor Hungary.
65.	Why are the Americans like a parcel of robbers who have broken out of prison and are resolved never again to be arrested ?
Because they have gained their Liberty, and are determined to keep it.
66.	Why is President Fillmore like Pontius Pilate ?
Because he has acted on the principle of non-intervention.
67.	Why is Professor Anderson like a miser without an heir ?
Because his gain is to benefit the public.
68.	Of what can a forest {Forrest) boast?
Underwood, Ann (and) Flowers.
69.	Why is the United States Navy, since the abolition of flogging, like Turkey ?
Because it is no longer used to hide the Sons of Freedom.
70.	Why is Professor Anderson like Kos-
BUth?
Because he is a well known Hung(a)ry belli (of war) feeder.24	gentlemen's
71.	Why is Mr. Anderson like the devil?
Because he practices the black art.
72.	Why are the conundrums read this ev ening no better ?
Because the competitors wrote for-getting the prizes.
73.	Why is Professor Anderson like a colored person ?
Because he is a necromancer (negro man sir.)
74.	Why'is.the letter N like a buck's tail?
Because it's the end of venison.
75.	Why is a conspiracy like a chicken walking ?
Because it's a fowl proceeding.
76.	Why is Kossuth like a baker ?
Because he kneads (ueeds) the dough to
relieve all Hungary.
77.	Why is the French literature of the present day like a monkey ?
Because it is far fetched and full of nonsense.
78.	Why was the Forest Divorce trial like the revolutionary war?
Because it was a struggle for liberty and independence.
79.	Who are the two best acknowledged conjurers by reputation and demonstration ?
Dame Magic And-'er-son.
80.	Why was Professor Anderson's bread and meat exhibition on Thanksgiving Day unlike any of his previous performances in this oity ?
Because it was the only poor entertainment he has ever given here.
81.	Why should religious persons avoid Metropolitan Hall ?
Because, although opened by a Bishop (Madame Bishop), the exercises were conducted by a Boxer (Bochsa), and is now possessed by a Wizard.
82.	Why are a dandy's tight boots like a rooster's head ?
Because there is a coxcomb (cock's comb) above them.
83.	Why is the eagle on the American standard like the moon on a beautiful night ?
Because it is surrounded by stars in an azure of blue.
84.	Why is the reader of this conundrum the oldest person in the room ?
Because he is apparent (a parent) to all of UB.
85.	If a father had a son full of tricks and fun, and he were taken sick, his complexion bearing that of a yellowish cast, and he should say—Father, what and who do you think is the caute of this? what answer would the father give ?
Janders, son (J. Anderson.)
conundrums.
86.	Why are the ladies in this hall like the prizes presented by Professor Anderson 7
Because they are such charming and dear things, the gentlemen are using their best wits to get some of them.
87.	Why are the committee who decide on the gentlemen's conundrums to-night like thimble riggers?
Because the Ball and Black art is in their hands with the cups, and it is 250 dollars to one, nobody can tell where the little joker lays.
88.	Why was Professor Anderson on New Year's Day like Mr. Howard of the Irving House, after the arrival of Kossuth 1
Because he fed the Hungry-uns (Hungarians.)
89.	Why is a miser like a box full of snuff?
Because he suffers his inside to be pinched.
96. Why ought a mutual antipathy to exist between Louis Napoleon and Kossuth?
Because one is a Hung(a)ry man, and the other is a Boney-part.
91.	Why are Kossuth and Lola Montez the greatest wonders of the age ?
Because one is the greatest living liberator, the other the greatest captivator.
92.	Why is Professor Anderson a greater man than the prophet of old ?
Because he makes hundreds speak, Balaam only one.
93.	Why is Louis Napoleon, the President of France, like a land in a state of famine ?
Because he sends forth hosts to (roam) Rome, and yields no supplies to a (hungry) Hungary people.
94.	Why is Kossuth like a mason who has undertaken a responsible.piece of work ?
Because he has commenced a great tower, (tour) upon the strength of which depends the freedom of Hungary.
95.	Had King Saul, when he visited the Witch of Endor, discovered her engaged with au only male child, why would it have been a representation of the greatest Wizard of the present age ?
Because he w.ould have found the Professor And (h)er sou.
96.	Why am I, whilst fettering^ the God of Love, like avarice ?
Because it is Cupid I tie (cupidity.)
97.	Why is the Wizard of the North like the American Flag ?
Because, like that glorious banner, he has no equah
98.	Why is the Fire Annihilator like a Hindoo funeral pile ?
Because fire annihilates it.gentlemen's conundrums.
25
99.	Why is the verdiot in the '' Forrest case" like the spring of the year ?
/ Because it relieves (re-leaves) the For-/ rests.
100.	Why is the wife of a celebrated tragedian like a transplanted tree ?
Because she has left the Forrest.
101.	Why is Professor Anderson like General Tom Thumb?
Because he has performed his magic feats before all the crowned heads of Europe.
102.	What is the difference between the Forrest divorce case, and the examination of Capt. Long?
The former was a long investigation of character, while the latter is an investigation of the character of Long.
103.	Why is the human body a notorious delusion ?
Because it is a *' spirit-rapper" (wrapper.)
104.	Why was O'Conor, in the Forrest divorce case, like a young and ardent lover?
Because he was determined to gain his suit.
105.	Why is the election of the President of France, like the storming of the Bridge Arcole ?
Because it was gained by the points of bayonets.
106.	Why is Professor Anderson like General George Washington ?
Because he is a liberal man.
107.	Why is a person with a broken limb, like the French Republic ?
Because he has got a bone-a-part, (Bonaparte.)
108.	Suppose Mr. Forrest had swallowed his wife before the trial, and she had agreed with him, which of his favorite characters would he have been enacting ?
Glad-i-ate-her.
109.	Of the dealers in Magic Art, who have been the most distinguished?
The Witch of Endor in ancient times, and-her-son more recently.
110.	Why is the man that is desperately in love, when in the presence of his tormentor, like the agonized bear over his sweetest spoils?
Because he has been stung, and appears all the while to be thinking of his honey.
111.	Whyisit to be expected that the editor of the Courier and Enquirer^should make out the worst case possible, against Kossuth ?
Because it is natural for Web (6) to stretch considerably.
112.	What celebrated Rule was invented by a relation of ours, who never takes any measure without it?
The Majority Rule, invented by Uncle Sam.
113.	Why is Mrs. Forrest like a frosty night?
Because she has made the leaves of her Forrest to fall.
114.	Why is Professor Anderson's son like a Comet?
Because he sometimes appears as an Electrical Phenomenon.
115.	Why is Mrs. Forrest at the present time more contented than Mr. Forrest?
Because the jury have decided on Mrs, Forrest having alimony, (all the money.)
116.	Why is a mouse-trap like a house of hospitality ?
Because the visitor is pressed to remain.
117.	Why should Mrs. Anderson always secure two seats in the cars ?
That she may have one for herself as well as one for her son.
118.	Why is Professor Anderson like a professed gambler ?
Because he makes game of the people.
119.	Why should Kossuth be well received in the United States 1
Because he and his hungry (Hungary) men, after having a taste of the Russian Bear, and leaving good Turkey behind them, came (part-way by a long passage) to America, to fill more (Fillmore.)
120 Why is Kossuth like a fox? Because he likes Turkey better than Bear.
121.	Why is the American Republic like pen and paper?
Because it is stationery (stationary.) '
122.	Why was Kossuth, when first driveif into exile, like a great glutton ?
Because he was a hungry'un,(Hungarian) though living on Turkey.
123.	Why is Louis Napoleon like a celebrated musical instrument?
Because he is a liar (lyre.)
124.	Why is a man who walks a great deal like the evil one?
Because he is a destroyer of soles (souls
125.	Why shall the happy winner of a prize on the conundrum night resemble a bios' somed spring flower?
Because he will receive his due (dew.)
126.	Why are the competitors for Professor Anderson's prizes like Prince £ouis Napoleon in his recent coup d' etat in France ?
Because they also are contending for the service de the (d' etat) and wish to(o) gobble-it and pilch-her in their own hands to do a* they please.
127.	Why is love like a canal boat ? Because it is an internal transport.gentlemen's
conundrums.
128. Why is Professor Anderson's offer to Uhe public like a negotiable note 7
Because it is given for value received.
329. Why is Lawyer O'Conor's pleadiDg ib the late divorce trial like a tornado?
BecausS lid CUfrelit made the oak lie (Oakley) so heavy dn the Uuderwood and Flowers that the Forest was deprived of much of its scents (cents.)
130.	Why is Professor Anderson 1 ke quack medicine 7
Because he deceives the public ?
131.	Why is the Professor, in addition to being a great conjuror, two persons in one ?
Because he is the witch and-'er-son, (the Witch Anderson.)
132.	If the Autocrat of Russia should let loose his Northern Bear upon us, as he did on the Hungarians, in what way would we punish him for it 7
We would whip his bare back and make him see stars and feel stripes.
133.	Why is Louis Napoleon like 9 dying Christian 7
Because he longs to change for a crown.
134.	Why is Hungary like the solar system ?
Because her son is the centre of attraction.
135.	Why is Metropolitan Hall like a married woman 7
Because it has exchanged its maiden name.
136.	Why is a song that is badly sung like a man who requires u wig?
Because it is bawled.
137.	Why is Professor Anderson like the largest planet 7
Because he is the principal star of magic light.
138.	"Why is Beech's newspaper like Richard, Duke of Gloucester?
Because it is the Sun of York.
139.	Why was George Washington childless?
That a nation might call him Father.
140.	Why, since the late trial, does Mrs. Forrest appear to act like a '' deer of the vale" ?
Because she iB Forrest-free.
141.	"Why is a certain lady, whose name is muoh before the public, like some improved districts of land in her native country ?
Because justice and the public good are advanced, and everybody is gratified by her being die-FoRREST-ed.
142.	Why are the ruin-sellers in this city liike St. Paul ?
Because their departure is at hand.
143.	You aint got H nor yon don't want it, and if you liad it you would not take one hundred thousand dollar® for it.
A bald head.
144.	Why is Professor Anderson like Jones's celebrated Bank Lock ?
Because it can't be beat, and Professor Anderson can't be beat.
145.	Why is Professor Anderson like Governor Kossuth 7
Because he gives "substantial aid" to the poor and Hungary.
146.	Why is the jury on the Forrest divorce case like the Bloomer costume ?
Because they let men know women's rights.
147.	Why so just the pride of the mother of the great Wizard of the North ?
Because he is Professor—Aud-(h)er-son.
148.	Why is a man going to be hanged like the New Haven Railroad?
Because he looks to Providence (Providence) for support.
149.	Why is Professor Anderson like Kossuth ?
Because in giving the silver, he receives
substantial aid."
150.	Why is it the height of absurdity to treat Kossuth with such luxurious banquets ?
Because he is far from Hung(a)ry.
151.	Why is Catharine N. Forrest vs. Edwin Forrest like ^Eneas leaving ancient Troy ?
She takes her household and her sacred things with her.
152.	Why are Kossuth's principles of non-intervention (if successful) like an extensive book bindery ?
Because they are bound to use up Russia, put Austria in a spring-back position, make guilty France appear sheep-ish, and the United States and England as two volumes bound in one, as it were by Magic, and lettered A No. 1.
153.	Why are the ladies who have worn the Bloomer costume like General Lopez and the American Patriots ?
Because they were disposed to do away with petticoat government.
154.	Why are the United States like an eagle ?
Because, as the eagle is the superior of its race, so is the United States superior to all other nations of the earth ; as the eagle builds its nest beyond the reach of man, so does the United States build her institutions beyond the reach of despots; as the eagle bears to its young food for their sustenance, aud, when able, encourages them to follow its own upward flight, so doeB the Unitedgentlemen's conundrums.
27
States bear to Young Republics the food of Liberty, and encourage them to follow her own flight on high; as the eagle gazes on the sun without being affected by its refulgent beams, so doeB the United States gaze on the suu of its rising glory without being dazzled by its brightness; as, when the eagle screams, the more puny of its race are struck with terror, and fly from its path, so do the despots of the world cower and quake when the United States raises her voice in Freedom's cause, and fly from her approach as the signal of their annihilation.
155.	Why is Louis Napoleon like a bad sandwich ?
Because he came from a strong Ham.
156.	Why is professor Anderson like the pastors of some of our Churches?
Because he augments his receipts by presenting a plate to his audience.
157.	Why should our Republican Union be a chemical one ?
Because its dissolving elements have been sublimed by the retorts of Clay, into an indissoluble union, which has not only been capable of resisting the applications of inflammable spirits, but has, through the influence of the magic force of a great ex(x)-pounder, hermetically sealed forever, the destroying agents of the cohesiveness of its constitution.
158.	Why is Professor Anderson like this great Republic, or a genuine Yankee ?
Because he successfully accomplishes all that he undertakes.
159.	Why is a political demagogue at Washington, like Professor Anderson in New York?
Because he is making money by adroit motions.
160.	Why is Abraham Stagg of Washington street, like a very essential article on a dining table ?
Because he is a salt seller, (salt cellar.)
161.	Why is the arrival of Kossuth in our city like unto a snow squall ?
Because it made a great flurry, and soon melted away.
162.	Why should all admirers of women be satisfied that Professor Anderson is smarter than the smartest woman living?
Because when he treats the audience from his magic bottle, he proves to all ardent lovers that he can lick-her, (liquor.)
163.	Why is the President's reply to Kossuth, like the Sacramento river ?
Because its tendency is decidedly to the pacific.
164.	Why is a rejected suitor like some of Professor Anderson's tricks ?
Because it is slight of hand.
165.	Why is the Hon. Charles O'Conor like an elephant in the wilds of Africa.
Because he tramples over the flowers (Flowers,) crushes the underwood (Underwood,) and mid oakly (Oakley) settlements, rushes into the forest (Forrest.)
166.	Why is Anderson like Kossuth?
Because it is the publicly expressed, and
irrepressible opinion of the unsuppressed press of the country, that he makes a great offer-sir, (officer.)
167.	Why is Anderson likely to have an over-plus of help ?
Because all the ladies are seeking his service.
168.	Why is Kossuth, in a land of famine, like a loaf of bread stuck upon a pole ?
Because Kossuth and the loaf of bread are both being looked up to by all the hungry (Hungary) men.
169.	What two circumstances were they which occured, one in 1850 the other in 1851, which proved the people of Atnerica and England of good taste ?
Their relish for turkey, and their disapproval of a general- hay gnaw (Haynau.)
170.	Why is one of our most distinguished statesmen like wheat about to be sown ?
Because he is a production of clay, has been thrashed, his existence and virtues are devoted to the benefit of mankind, and his true worth or value will not be known until after he is buried.
171.	Why is the aim of Kossuth like an eclipse ?
Because it is to be brought about by Revolution and Intervention.
172.	Why is Professor Anderson's Magical Bottle like Jenny Lind ?
Because it gives from its neck that which electrifies some, delights others, and pleases the whole.
173.	Why is a negro with tar on his heel, taking a dime from his foot like the winner of the Goblets?
Because he is extracting silver from the understanding.
174.	Barney, dear, what was it gained the suit for Mrs. Forrest ?
Och ! honor, darlint.
175.	Why is this audience like people too late for church ?
Because, though they come after the service, they may yet be in time for the Plate.
176.	Why is our country at present like a Caravan ?
Because there is now in it a Hung'ry Lion, a Bavarian Lioness the Sweedish Nightingale, the Swan of Erin, and a Bull from Nor-28
gentlemen's conundrums.
way. A great many people are<( seeing the elephant," and all the Polly-ticians are in-'' tent" and " Bent on" getting a Ticket for the Presidential Canrass.
177.	What is the name of the key that will eventually lock up all tyrants and unlock the fetters that bind freedom ?
The Yan-kee, the only key that was able to open Chubb's bank lock at the World's Fair.
178.	Why is Mrs. Oatharine Sinclair like a housemaid's brush ?
Because she's cut from a Forest to act for Brougham, (broom.)
179.	Why did Kossuth leave his native country ?
Because the Hungarian diet did not agree with him.
180.	Why is a Chinese trading vessel under repair like-Professor Anderson's Conundrum Prizes ?
The-y cobble it and pitch her for Tea service.
181.	Why are you one and all, (two excepted) like fit and proper subjects for a lunatic asylum 7
Because in this great contest of wit, (with the exception of the winners) you all have lost your wits.
182.	Why, during the late frost, did the citizens of New York and Brooklyn, resemble Mr. and Mrs. Forrest?
Because they were impatient of the icy link that bound them.
183.	Why is the Superior Court of this city, like the celebrated authoress, Mrs. Kirkland, (Mary Clavers?)
Because it gives us forest life and forest trials.
184.	What prevents you from being a fool? 6
Your two eyes, (you're too wise.)
185.	Why should we pity a traveller when about to put up at an inn?
Because he is inn disposed, (indisposed.)
186.	Why did woman exist before man ?
Because Eve was the first made, (maid.)
187.	Why does Professor Anderson resemble a noted prize fighter ?
Because he has the mode of doubling tricks, (Dublin Tricks.)
188.	Why is a celebrated brand of Champagne like a child's play?
Because it is Heidsick, (hide seek.)
189.	To what class of beings does a person knocking on the counter of a bar for something to drink, belong?
Spiritual rappers.
190.	When can a man's ghost be seen?
When he shows his spirit.
191.	Why did the divorce trial take an evil spirit from Mrs. Forrest, and give one to Mr. Forrest ?
because, by it she got rid of a-bad-'un, (Abaddon) and he got loose-of-her, (Lucifer.)
192.	Why is a decrepit man like a tooth that cannot be extracted?
Because he is in-firm.
193.	Why is the fame of the Wizard of the North, like Desdemona's handkerchief?
Because there's magic in the web on't.
194.	Why has Mr. Forrest been more successful at the theatre, than in the court room"?
Because he has received more benefits at the theatre, than he has in juries, (injuries.)
195.	Why have the managers selected a tea set for the first prize ?
Because a silver tea-pot is sure to draw.
196.	Why was the compromise like the letter N ?
Because it was the beginning of Nationalism and the end of Disunion.
197.	When is a Book like a Tea Spoont
When it's (in-tea-resting). Interesting.
198.	Why should those who receive the prizes from Professor Anderson be regarded as suspicious characters ?
Because they not only receive goods which were obtained by magic and deception, but from a man who is known to be the greatest trickster of the world.
199.	What class of vessels should Ladies be the best commanders of?
Smacks.
200.	Why are the rejected conumdrums of this evening like a truant churchgoer!
Because they have lost the Service.
201.	Why is Ireland likely to become the richest country in the world ?
Because its capital is always Dublin.
202.	With what appropriate work of art did the American Art-Union present its subscribers in 1851?
A magnificent Bust.
203.	Why is Genin, the Hatter, a more powerful man than the Emperor of Austria?
Because he re-covered Kossuth's head for nothing, which the Emperor could not do for 10,000 fiorius.
204.	Why is Horace Greeley like a staunch Presbyterian ?
Because he believes in the doctrine of Knocks (Knox).
205.	Why is a Bloomer like a ship in mourning ?
Because her colossi ape hoisted half mast high.gentlemen's conundrums.
206.	What startling feat, not mentioned
in the bill, Does Anderson perform, with matchless skill ? He gets each night, (and you can see
him plain,) Each night he gets into his Jug'lar vein. (Juggler vein.)
207.	"Why is Metropolitan Hall the most •extensive building in the world ?
Because it contains a whole Town.
208.	Why are the much abused " Peter Funks" all godly men ?
Because wherever they meet a Stranger, they take him in.
209.	How is it possible that the two litigants in the late divorce case, can simply, by their own two individual selves, be five in number ?
Because twice two and once one makes five.
210.	Why ought the officers of the United States army in the late war with Mexico to keep a Clothing Store ?
Because they might Bragg of having the best Taylor and the best Wool; their goods May always be sold for what they are Worth, and after counting their Gaines they could lay their heads on their Pillow in perfect Bliss, and rest satisfied, that no one could swindle them and go Scott free, while they had a good Walker to catch him and Shield them from loss.
211.	Why is this audience like a person too late at church ?
Because tho' they are after the service, they may yet not be too late for the plate.
212.	Why is a Daguerreotypist like a theatrical performer ?
Because his success in securing the countenance of the People depends upon making favor-p.ble and enduring impressions.
213.	Why is Broadway obnoxious to the Hungarian band?
Because in crossing it they are compelled to play the Russ-i&a March.
214.	Why is a practical phrenologist like a blind boy learning to read ?
Because he feels for the characters.
215.	Why should a lady fear to leave with the gentleman who receives the second prize ?
Because he will carry the goblets and pitcher (pitch her) into the street.
216.	Why did the contents of the chrystal palace resemble the great American republic?
Because it contained the produce of all nations.
217.	What cord is that more extensively
29
manufactured in this city than any other, and when used of the feast profit to the user?
Dis-cord.
218.	Why is English wit like an old inebriate ?
Because it is nearly Punch-ed to death.
219.	Why is the U. S. Steamer Mississippi like the mother of Kossuth ?
Because she bore the hero of Hungary.
220.	Why is Professor Anderson like a banker ?
Because he issues bills, and gives out silver for notes.
j
221.	Why would Mrs. Sinclair (late Mrs-Forrest) make the most extensive lumber dealer in the United States, and be able to compete with all others ?
Because she will receive for life one-third of the productions of the greatest Forrest in the world.
222.	What promise is the most binding ?
The corn-promise (compromise).
223.	What constitntional deformity disqualifies Professor Anderson for the ball room ?
His Bottle Feat (feet).
224.	Why is Kossuth like the notes of written music ?
Because whenever his feet have been tied, it has only added to his progress.
225.	Why is a dog shaking his tail over the grave of his master, like a hearse?
Because its a wagging (wagon) for th dead.
226.	Why is a bust of "Harry of the West" like a potter's vessel ?
Because its Clay.
227.	Why have the unsuccessful conundrum makers, for to-night's contest, been like woolly heads spinning yarns ?
Because all their wit is worsted.
228.	If a bushel of Coke and (a) Littleton is sufficient to puzzle a lawyer, what is sufficient to puzzle Professor Anderson ?
Why, to tell what a blind man took at breakfast, and recovered his sight, he took a cup and saw-sir.
2*29. Why is the Kossuth Fund like a new-born jackass ?
Because Genin laid the egg in a mare's (mayor's) nest, and Mr. Kingsland hatched it.
230.	Why are Professor Anderson's prizes like man and wife ?
Because the lady's is the '' better half."
231.	Why are Professor Anderson's tricks30	gentlemen's
like one given to poetry, and his prizes like one unable to guess this conundrum 7
Because they are given to a-muse, and his prizes because he gives them up.
232.	If honest people were all ordered to the gallows, how might the "Wizard get off without asking his friends to tell any natural-lies about him ?
By proceeding to naturalize himself; for his countrymen would be so very generally hanged that he would have to deny all connection with the kilt (killed), in order to pass Scot-free.
233.	Why is a vessel in a harbor, that has no berth, like the first kiss from the lips of a beautiful girl ?
Because it is peerless (pierless).
234.	Why }ias the American Union proved so mortal ?
Because whenever dissolution threatens its members, they at once turn to Clay.
235.	Why is Kossuth like an Irish fight?
Because he's a pat-riot.
236.	Why are Mrs. Ellis's writings like the present muddy condition of our streets ?
Because they tend to elevate female habits.
237.	What new currency do they issue at Niblo's ?
Why, notes for half a dollar.
238.	Why are the pieces composing this magnificent silver tea service, like the fair competitors for the prize ?
Because they are a beautifully chased Wit-tea-set, and like this conundrum, made by a chaste witty-set, Goldsmith.
239.	Why should the cause of Hungary meet the sympathy of every human heart ?
Because it has deeply moved the heart of Clay.
240.	Why is Louis Napoleon like a publisher of statistics ?
Because he has got up a new French Directory.
conundrums.
241.	How is the Professor a great economist?
He supports his son on nothing.
242.	Why is a negro with an extinguished eye like the remains of an ancient city ?
Because he exhibits the ruins of Pompey-eye.
243.	Why are the Opera troupe, in Astor Place, like an unsuccessful fisherman ?
They have not got a Niblo (nibble oh!)
244.	Why does the Republic of the United States resemble a well regulated clock ?
Because its institutions are works 6et upon the jewels of universal education, regulated by a firm constitution, encased in a framework of civil and religious liberty, with a face whose numbers are progressive, and whose hands mark what it is compared with, what it was in the beginning of its day.
245.	When does a man rob his wife ?
When he hooks her dress.
246.	Why are the. visits of Jenny Lind, Kossuth, and Professor Anderson to the United States, like the visits to Metropolitan Hall to-night?
Because they are all after the silver.
247.	Why will the lady who wins the prize this evening be like the Duke of Wellington in India?
Because by her brilliant achievements in Pun-job (Punjaub), she earns (urns) herself fame, and adds lustre to the service.
248.	Why would not these prizes be received into any respectable society ?
Because they have been Black-Ball-ed by the manufacturers.
249.	What kind of fits is Professor Anderson most subject to ? ,
Benefits and counterfeits.
250.	Why is a kiss like creation?
Because it is made of nothing, and it is
something.ADDITIONAL CONUNDRUMS,
Not Selected to be Head.
LADIES' CONUNDRUMS.
251.	"Why is Anna Dempsey like the wild daisy ?
Because she is the Flower of the Forrest.
252.	Why is Professor Anderson like the sun?
Because he blinds the eyes of his audience.
253.	Why does the Custom House promote religion more than the Church ?
Because there are more sin-cures (sinecures) in it.,
254.	"What kind of diet would be likely to destroy all war?
Peace soup (pea soup).
255.	If a Wizard was hungry and dirty, what should he be fed and scoured with ?
Sand-witches (sandwiches).
256.	Why is a carpenter, though he augurs well for society, to be shunned.
Because he bores, shaves and chisels for a living, and is familiar with ruffians (roofins).
257.	Why does Mrs. Forrest properly decline alimony for her own use ?
Because, the verdict haviDg made her Sin-clear (Sinclair), she has no use for a sin-cure/sinecure).
j^ 258Stehycan the Knickerbockers have no mpn sour krout ? '
Because their cab-age (cabbage) is gone.
259.	Why was Mrs. Forrest's first appear-anoe on the stage, like her appearance in court!
Because, in both cases she was in a School for Scandal, and in both played the principal female character.
260.	Why should every lady in this audience fee] happy and proud ?
Because she is looking at the greatest Magic Professor in the world, And-her-son's (Anderson's) unparalleled success.
261.	Why is New York Bay like the Bowery ?
Because there are a great many B'hoys in it (buoys).
262.	Why are Bosio and Bettini like prosperous merchants ?
Because their capital being equal, their
stock well assorted, their house of long standing, they get credit for all their notes, which, notwithstanding occasional shakes and fluctuations, if met by no check, will ensure a successful Opera-tion.
263.	Why should Bloomerism be encouraged by the male sex ?
Because it curtails petticoat government.
264.	Why are murders frequent ?
Because people are permitted to slay
(sleigh) with impunity.
265.	Why did Kossuth object to cross Broadway near the Irving House ?
Because he feared being caught on Russian ground.
266.	Why is Cupid, on Valentine's Day, like a person going to the largest shop in Broadway ?
He is going to Stew(he)art's.
267.	What is the ne plus ultra of Professor Anderson's magic ?
Making con-jurors of his audience.
268.	Why should Professor Anderson be considered a pugnacious man?
Because he asks the men to cudgel their brains for his service, and insists that the ladies shall have a set too.
269.	Why is Mrs. Kossuth, with her little boy at her side, like the wife (if he has one) of the Wizard of the North ?
She is a lady And-'er-son (Anderson).
270.	Why is the strong love of a mother for her child, like the smooth surface of the sea ?
It is un-wave-ring.
271.	Why are six ring-tail monkeys, suspending themselves from a palm tree, picking cocoa-nuts, more truthful than James, the Novelist ?
Because they depend for support, not upon works of fiction, but upon tales of real life.
272.	How could Bishop Hughes be reduced one half, and yet hold his spirit?
By making him a demi-John (demijon).
273.	Why should ladies win both prizes X
Because it is against the post office rules
for males (mails) to take such packages.
274.	Though all the world contended32
ladies' conundrums.
against America for the honor of possessing the wittiest poet, why would she come off victorious ?
Because she could produce a Whittier.
275.	Why is Professor Anderson's son like a good air ball ?
Because he can be squeezed into a small space.
276.	What is it that moves up and down, cannot speak or hear and is like a stupid •servant?
A. dumb-waiter.
'277. Why is France like an omnibus ?
Because constant Revolutions will impair ^the Public weal (wheel).
278- Why cannot Louis Napoleon be •eleoted by votes ?
Because he always has the Ney on his side.
279.	"Wliy are our modern lady knockers like the ancient witch of Eudor ?
Beoause they rap (wrap) up their spirits under mantles.
280.	Why are the Forrest of New York city and the Forrest of the State of Maine alike ?
Because they are both chop-fallen, cut, and used up, for smacks, craft, &c.
281.	"Why is the Hungarian struggle for liberty like one doomed to exile?
Because it has the sympathies of all people but its oppressors.
282.	What is that which feeds upon nothing and is never injured by exposure?
Truth.
283.	"Why are all the conundrums sent to Jollie's like a person self-possessed ?
Because they are composed.
284.	Why is Mrs. Forrest like a lion in a menagerie?
Because she has left the Forrest (forest) and appeared in public.
285.	Why is the zeal of Kossuth like steam ?
It must have vent.
286.	When a Circus Rider is to perform something wonderful, why should he gratify the spectators by pulling off his boots ?
Because they go to see his feat (feet).
287.	Why are foolish fellows chewing tobacco like cooks preparing poultry ?
Because they are spitting geese.
288.	Why is Professor Anderson like the great Hungarian Chief, Kossuth ?
Because Professor Anderson, by his talents, has made himself Independent, and Kossuth by his, is endeavoring to render his beloved country also Independent.
289.	Why would the lady conundrumers present make the most vavluable drummers for our army ?
Because they are all anxious to beat, and out of pure love for the service.
290.	Which is the most acceptable offering that a Gentleman could present to the woman he loves ?
The OS-Ring of Marriage.
291 Why are the Commissioners of Emigration like Kossuth ?
Because they have to provide for the hun-gry(Hungary) people.
292.	Why did Washington's soldiers display more courage than those of the present day?
Because every man fought bravely in the breeches (breaches)
293.	Why did the yacht America beat her English competitors?
Because it was only a race of cows (off Cowes.)
294.	Why is Professor Anderson like a good sword ?
Because he is a keen blade.
295.	Why is Gov. Kossuth like Joseph of old?
Because he left his home (Hungary) to seek relief for his brethren in a strange land.
296.	Why is Professor Auderson like the purchase of a patent-right?
Because he pays for the ingenuity of others to enrich himself.
297.	Why has Mr. O'Conor shown himself deficient in poetry and sentiment?
Beoause he has no belief in the language of «« Flowers."
298.	Why is Louis Napoleon like an almanac maker ?
Because his prophecies of his future reign (rain) cannot be relied on.
299.	Why are many of these conundrums like Chinese tea-trays?
Because they are shallow, far-fetched, and don't deserve Professor Anderson's tea-service,
300.	Why is Lola Montez like Daniel Webster?
She is a Daniel in Judgment, and makes the Web-stir of prejudice in her favor.
301.	Why are Sir John Franklin's ships like a certain metal ?
Because they are block-tin (blocked in.)
302.	Why may it be supposed that Oliver Cromwell did not enjoy good health during his youth ?
Because the son (sun) and heir (air) of England did not agree with him.
303.	Why is Edwin Forrest like an amusing farce ?
Because he is used up.
304.	Why is Professor Anderson the most popular of men among the New York ladies?
Because he has inspired them all with a plate-onic affection (platonic.)
305.	Why should the author of this con-nundrum wish to be unsuccessful ?
Because she hopes to be Black-Ball-ed.
306.	Why is an interesting book like a toper's nose ?
Because it is read (red) to the very end.
307.	Our distinguished friend, Professor Anderson, what beast does he resemble, and why ?ladies' conundbums.
33
The lion of the Forrest, both now exhibiting in Broadway to admiring thousands
30??. Why should Mr. Anderson present ■his wonderful bottle to the whig politicians at the next election ?
Because they will be under no obligation to Fillmore (fill more.)
309.	Why is a poor man like a rich man that is dishonest?
Because he is without principal, the rich man without principle.
310.	Why is Professor Anderson's benevolence like his magic bottle ?
Because it never runs dry.
311.	Why does the verdict of divorce leave Mrs. Forrest just where she was before ?
Because she is in no sense (innocence) cleared from reproach.
312.	Why is a blustering old papa, opposing the betrothal of his daughter, like a Fire Annihilator?
Because with all his puffing and blowing, he can't extinguish the flame after a match has been struck.
313.	How has Metropolitan Hall become renowned as the Hall of miracles ?
By the appearance of Jenny Lind and-(h) er-son (Anderson.)
314.	Why are the Aztec Children, as they fare now exhibiting up five pairs of stairs, like the poor poets of olden time ?
Because Iheir minds are being develope d in an Attic.
315.	Why is Mr. Anderson like Kossuth ?
Because nobody knows what he is going
jtodo with his money.
316.	Why is a certain lawyer in our city like an old worn out shoe ?
Because he is soleless. (soul.)
317.	What did M'. Anderson first do when he came (Tuesday morning) to America ?
He came ashore.
318.	Why is the Wizard of the North like Jenny Lind ?
Because he has been much noted (note-ed) for the wealth ho gives away.
319.	Why is Professor Anderson like a thimble-rigger ?
Because it is to his Benefit he calls out the Jokers.
320.	Why are these murderous times ?
Because they are sleighing (slaying)
times.
321.	Why is a sleigh-horse, fully caparisoned, like a beau at a fashionable party ?
Because he is surrounded by bell(e)s.
322.	What makes the distance between Canada and the Gjilf of Mexico an object cheifly to be desired by Kossuth ?
The Intervention of the United States.
323.	Why is Metropolitan Hall like the two best conundrums ?
Because it is a good hall (haul) for the gentjemen, and a service to the ladies.
324.	Why is Professor Anderson like the silver tea set?
3
Because he is polished, chaste, (chased) and . bright, and has a run every evening.
•325. Why is Lola Montez like an imperfect artist ?
Because she paints, but cannot draw.
326.	Why is Hungary like a caged bird ?
Because it pines for freedom.
327.	Why are Mr. and Mrs. Forrest like Kossuth ?
Because they require intervention.
328.	Why is the Forrest trial, before the verdict, like the winner of Professor Anderson 's pi ize ?
Beoause it is not proven.
329.	Why is Anna Flowers like one with bronchial affections ?
Because the sooner she ships for New Orleans the better.
330.	Who is the fascinating and favored lady Professor Anderson so often brings before the public, and to what flower should we compare the homage she receives ?
Her name is Mystery, (Miss Terryf) the homage paid to her is everlasting. (The flower Everlasting.
331.	What illustrious individual of the present day resembles the amputated limb of an old revolutionary soldier ?
Louis Napoleon Bonaparte. He is a (bone apart.) Bouaparte.
332.	What kind of tea does Professor Anderson like best?
Populari-iy.
333.	Why ought O. S. Fowler to be at the head of the Public School department?
Because he is a Professor of free- know • ledge-y (Phrenology).
334.	Why will the parties who win the silver services to-night represent two letters of the alphabet, one illuminated) the other set to music ?
Because the. one will be D-lighted (delighted) and the oLher N-chanted (enchanted).
335.	Why is Anderson's conuudmm test, which challenges the nation, like the letter X engaged in making a quotation ?
It is ex-citing.
336.	When General Taylor had fasted all day, why was he like Kossuth ?
He was a Hung(a)ry hero.
337.	Why is Mrs. Forrest now like flies iu summer ?
Because she is at ease, (a tease).
338.	Why is a man bending over a piece of merino like a glutton ?
He is inclined to stuff.
339.	Why is Mrs Forrest like the oak ?
She is elevated above Underwood and
Flowers, the names of two witnesses against her.
340.	Why is the successful lady to-niglit like Charlotte Cushman, in the character of Mrs. Haller.
Because in looking upon the audience, she sees a TVer-M (tearful) appearance.34:
ladies' conundrums.
341.	Why will the Professor's splendid prizes win themselves ?
Because they will be taken for the two est conundrums.
342.	When does a young lady unsex hereelf? When she becomes a Gal-auvt (gallant).
343.	Why are the modern lady knockers like the ancient witch of Endor?
Because they rap (wrap) up their spirits under mantles.
344.	Why could Eve see less clearly than Adam ?
Because she plucked out the apple of her eye.
345.	Why should that young lady who bears the old fashioned name of Achsy, be expected to enlighten the word?
Because she is the Gal-axy.
346.	Why are the people of Ireland more on social equality than the Americans ?
Because they have no big bugs amongst them.
347.	Why is my effort to.night like Sam-son'a last 7
Because I want to bring down the house.
348.	Why will the winning lady get but an indifferent prize 7
Because she ouly gets pot luck.
349.	Why are the forest of the State of Maine and the Forrest of New York City alike ?
Becanse they are both chop-fallen, cut and used up for smacks, crafts, &c.
350.	Why should Kossuth and Professor Anderson go into partnership ?
While oue begs, the other offers the plate.
351.	Why are waterfalls like Professor Anderson's audiences 7
They roar all the time, and cannotkeep still.
352.	Why is professor Anderson's audience like sailors ?
If they go to see (sea) once, they usually go again.
353.	Why are the petty trials of life like the Hungarian hats?
Though light they are felt.
354.	Why does Professor Anderson get a treat from the ladies 7
By showing his plate.
355.	Why are Kossuth's speeches like an elephant 7
Because they have the bone in them.
356.	Why is Professor Anderson's silver of more value to him than gold 7
Because his silver is the prize that draws, winning him golden honors, by adding thousands to his benefit.
357.	Why is President Fillmore like a ue-gro slave about to escape from a plantation?
Because he is in the field, and has resolved to run.
358.	Why does the Washington Monument resemble Congress?
Because it has a representative from every state.
359.	Why is the Czar of Russia like an island in the oceau 7
Because he is surrounded by serfs (surfs.)*
360.	Why is a coquetLe like the wheel of a carriage ?
Because she has attire (a tire,) and is surrounded by fellows (felloes.)
361.	Why is a pen placed in a shoe, like-South America?
Because it is a pen-in-su-la (peninsula.)'
362.	What nation is a very bad nation? Procrasli-vation.
363.	Why does the earth resemble a cartwheel 7
Because it revolves on its axle.
364.	Why is Professor Anderson, in his remarkable entertainments this evening, like a lady who has many lovers ?
Because he possesses the wonderful art to-please his admirers, greatly deceives them, and finally leaves them.
365.	What great statesman is that whose name indicates mortality, but whose fame-makes his mortality immortal ?
The immortal Clay.
366.	If a party of twelve were assembled at dinner, and one more must necessarily join them, why would the lady of the Wizard be the most welcome, and her presence-annihilate the ominous prediction of " thirteen ?"
Because she would be there And her son■ —ergo, their Anderson.
367.	Why is the Wizard of the North, when performing unassisted before an audience, like a female professor of music playing a duet with her son ?
Because there is no one playing but the Professor and her son (Anderson).
368.	Why is ihe occasion of the presentation of a set of pilver plate, by Professor Anderson, to a lady and gentleman, for the best original conuudrum, like the discovery of the gold mines of California ?
Because it affords an opportunity for thousands of either sex to try their luck.
369.	Why iB Professor Anderson like one-of the greatest powers that be, and yet unlike that power—i.e , his Satanic Majesty ?
Because he is the most accomplished, unac-couutable, and successful deceiver that ever existed ; and yet unlike that power, because his unbounded benevolence and charity proclaim his works to be good, and not evil.
370.	Why are Christy's Minstrels like beautiful young ladies ?
Because the Fellows are after them.
371.	What article is that (rarely merchantable) now selling off below cost, to close up a coucern in Broadway ?
Ladies' wit, for Jive pieces of si'ver.
372.	Why is the Abolition party like a fleet out-ward bound ?
They are both Se-w&rd inclined.
373.	Why are the followers of Kosautk like sheep ?
Because they get fleeced.
374.	Why is America, combined with theLADIES' CONtTNDBinWES.
35
genius of Mr. George Steers, the inventor of the celebrated Yacht, like a successful boastful duellist ?
Because America Steers to Europe, plays Hobbs with her safe-ty in reaping the reward of mechanical skill, by challenging her naval architecture, conquering it, cup-ping it, and flinging from her mast-head the Goddess of Liberty's starry shawl, proclaiming to the world, to the air of the "Star-spangled banner," that " Britannia does not rule the waves."
375.	To what character is the Bloomer costume best suited ?
To a queen, or a wife who has a henpecked husband.
376.	How did the people of New York, on the 6th of December, experience the same feelings towards Kossuth, as the Emperor of Russia did towards Hungary ?
Because they wbre hungry for Kossuth.
377.	Why is this world like a bag of nails ?
Because it contains sharp points and flat heads,
378.	Why is Kossuth like wine ?
Because he improves on age.
379.	Why was Professor Anderson's Thanksgiving Gift of more value ihan the service of plate given to-night ?
Because it was a meet (meat) offering in the sight of God.
380.	Why is Professor Anderson like a kind friend ?
Because he intends to render ns a valuable service, and one which will suit to a T.
381.	What will they exclaim who take oare of the Hungarians since they ceased to be the city's guests ?
How 'ard (Howard) to provide for hungry (Hungary.) men 1
382.	Why is this audience like the one that will assemble on the day of Judgment ?
Because they will all receive their just reward, and many will be found in (tiers.) tears.
383.	Why are a certain portion of this audience like a celebrated actor of the present day ?
Because their success depends on the ver-diot of the jury.
384.	Why are some of the clergy of New York and Brooklyn like duellists ?
Kos-«Aool-ing is their delight
385.	Why is Professor Anderson like a chaste Fox?
Because he deals in Mysteries, and so doeB Miss Fox of Rochester.
386.	Why is Professor Anderson like the ocean ?
Because 'tis impossible to fathom his depth.
387.	Why is Professor Anderson like the dawn ?
Because his son (sun) will soon shine.
388.	Why is Professor Anderson like chaos ?
Because he maketh light to Ehine out of darkness.
389.	Why is Professor Anderson like Kossuth the great ?
Because they both astonish the world.
390.	Why is Kossuth like Charity ?
Because he hopeth all things, and en-
dureth all things ; is not puff'd up, thinketh no evil, vaunteth not of himself.
391.	Why is Kossuth like Patience ?
Because he smiles in grief.
392.	Why is Kossuth like the setting Sun?
Because he will arise in glory.
393.	Why is Kossuth like the light ?
Because the powers of darkness could not
hold him.
394.	Why is Professor Anderson like the Moon?
Because his light shines in darkness?
395.	Why is Professor Anderson like Joshua of old ?
Because he commands the sun (son) to stand still, and is obeyed.
396.	Why is Professor Anderson like a successful Surgeon ?
Because he is master of his art.
397.	Why is Professor Anderson's sun (son) like the world ?
Because he seems to hang on nothing.
398.	Why will the prizes win themselves, and perform a trick the Professor can't do?
Because they will be received for the two best conundrums, and the two best conundrums will extract silver from a Wizard.
399.	Why is Professor Anderson a humorous disturber of the peace ?
Because he offers prizes to create witty-schism (witticism) in the public mind.
400.	Why is an ea«le like a Christian?
Because he preys', the eagle preys for plunder, a Christian prays for grace.
401.	Why is the most brilliant conundrum of the day, like an Editor ?
Because he has done it up brown.
402.	Why is the prize offered by the Wizard to the ladies, like the throne of Queen Victoria ?
Because but one can reach it.
403.	Why is Anderson like Barnum?
Because his bottle never fails. (By Anderson's bottle is mnant the mysterious one, and by Barnum's the celebrated drama at the Museum, drawing great crowds.
404.	Why is Stewart's celebrated dry goods store like a coal yard?
Because it is filled 'by the ton. (Ton of the city, or upper crust.)
405.	Why are the ladies like thermometers?
Because every breath that blows over them changes their temperature.
406.	Why is Mrs. Foirestlike Queen Victoria ?IiADIlB' CONUNDRUMS.
Because she has beeti much §6611 at court.
407.	Why is Metropolitan Hall, on llie night of Prof. Anderson's entertainment, like the Inquisition ?
Because in it there are mysterious doings.
408.	Why is Metropolitan this evening like the numerical table ?
Because it contains many numbers.
409.	Why is Professor Anderson like a waiter at a public dinner ?
Because he presents the plate.
410.	Why is Counsellor O'Cenor like a collector on board a steamboat ?
Because lie paid great attention to the fare, (fair.)
411.	Why is the Electric Telegraph like the Globe?
Because it extends from Pole to Pole.
412.	Why is Mr. Anderson performing the Bottle trick, superior to the bast physician ?
Because he is able to raise a departing spirit to an auxious circle of friends.
413.	Why is the Indian's native home, in all its pomp and state, like a simple cognomen freely resigned of late ?
Because it is a Forest.
414.	Why is a young married lady like twelve jurors ?
Because she studies to please, (two pleas.)
415.	Why is Kossuth like Prof. Anderson, the great Magician ?
Because they each have a general pulse-key (General Pulszky) to open the hands and reach the hearts of the people to support their Hung(a)ry.
416.	Why is the Professor this evening like an itinerant musician ?
Because, afler the performance, he will hand around the plate.
417.	What is the greatestnatural curioR-ity of modern discovery ?
A Forrest in the midst of a city, beset, not with weeds, but with Flowers, and spoiled by the Underwood of years.
418.	Why did European entertainments fail to satisfy Kossuth's Hung(a)ry cravings ?
Though Turkey was tender, he had gall (Gaul) for sauce, and Misses-sip-i (ng) Marseilles. Stomaching the affront, however, in silence, he takes " French leave," and retires. He Long complained of the reception he met with ; but at length taking to <( salt TOattf" as his only '' course" in this strait, (Gibralter) he " gets round" in a few days sufficiently to feed largely upon a stake of Bull.
419.	Why is Lola Montez jealous of Kossuth?
They are two of a trade, who never agree —both feet it through life in a Hung(a)ry cause, but bis feet (feat) being bared, (beared) his sole (soul) is more free to dance round and round to the world's app'ause.
420.	What name would add most weight to the business of a laundress in this country?
Washing-ton.
421. Why isBarnum like a balloon in the air?
Because he is full of gas.
422.	What vegetable is a fruit of this season ?
Leeks—leaks.
423.	How may the Aztec children prove to this country- a wall of defence ?
They are Parapets (pair of pets).
424.	What tree can be put to such an end as to make it supply fuel for the whole city of New York ?
Add ley to an Oak and terminate it honorably ; Oakley and Oc onor can cut down a large Forrest and use up the Underwood.
425.	Why is a picture gallery like a Washington winter market ?
Full of canvas backs.
426.	Why is Daly's pain extractor a substitute for capital punishment ?
It destroys felons and removes bad chapB.
427.	Why will the conundrum that takes the prize be better than the rest?
It will be a little morceau. (more so.)
428.	Why would the citizens of New York have committed suicide in refusing to attend Professor Anderson's exhibitions ?
It would have been cutting their Jugular. (Juggler.)
429.	If Professor Anderson should draw a full house on the great conundrum night, why may we compare it to the Declaration of our Independence ?
Because both may be attributed to a great Tea-service rendered.
430.	Why is the Tea Service given by Professor Anderson like a prize from a target excursion ?
Because it's given for the best riddle.
431.	What has been Professor Anderson's most astonishing performance ?
When he rode ahead of his presents.
432.	Why is Professor Anderson like a New Drum ?
Because he has never been beaten.
433.	Why is this conundrum likely to win the prize ?
Because it is exfra-ordinary. (Extraordinary.)
434.	Tell me, why is it, if you lend But forty dollars to your friend,
It does your kindness more commend, Than if five hundred you should send ?
The one is XL lent, (excellent,) The other is only D sent, (decent)
435.	If Stuart were here, with a basket of his refined candies, and a cone of the very best at the bottom, why would he of necessity win the prize?
• Because uo candid man could deny it was an A No. 1 cone under 'em (conundrum).
436.	Why is Lord Byron like a silver caudle-stick ?
It is a brilliant supporter of Greece.
437.	Why is Professor Andersou's tea set like the chimney of a country house?ladies' conttndetjms.
It frequently contains swallows.
438- Why is an economical wife like a window-shade?
She is constantly on the look out.
439.	Why is the floor of the Metropolitan Hall, to-night (6 Feb.,) like Purgatory.
It is full of souls.
440.	Why is a bullet like a tender glance ?
It is a heart-piercer.
441.	Why is an evening lamp like the Hungarian army?
It has been surrounded and cutoff.
442.	Why are the gentlemen of the present day like discarded lovers ?
They are sacked.
443.	What is eaten by the epicure which requires metal to go through the fiery furnace to prove its goodness, the first syllable of which is a plaything for children, whose dying moments, when viewed by the artist, gives pleasure ?
A fish called the dolphin, taken at times on the Copper Banks, and then poisonous, to discover which, when cooking, a silver spoon is always put into the vessel containing the fish.
444.	Why was the divorce case recently tried by the Superior Court like a dreadful hurricane ?
Because in its course it bowed down the great forest, (Forrest) sweeped low the entangled Underwood, and blasted the Flowers.
445.	Why is Mrs. Sinclair like a young doe?
Because she has left her dear Forrest, and escaped the Underwood, demolished the Flowers, and, with a slight wound, leapt on the Btage.
446.	Why is Mrs. Forrest doubly inno-cont?
Because she was originally sin clear (Sinclair), and now the jury have cleared her.
447.	Why did Ann Flowers make scores of tragedians in the Forrest case ?
Because she made the whole audience play Leers (lears) at her.
448.	Why is Ann, the pie woman, at 40 years of age, in love with a noisy coal carrier, like an Eolian Piano ?
Because she is a pie-Anna-at-forty, (a piano-forte,) with a coal man's (Coleman's) windy attachment.
449.	Why is Professor Anderson at the close of his performance like recent popular topics ?
He is hungry and for rest, (Hungary and Forrest.)
450.	Why is Lola Montez like a modern machine for putting out fires?
Because she is one of Phillips's Annihila-tors, (Philippe's.)
451.	What is it that is neither animal, mineral, nor vegetable, male nor female, but between both, from two to six feet long, Bpoken of in the Old Testameut, and highly recommended in the New?
A kiss.
452.	Why is the occasion of the anticipated award like the probable consequence of it?
Because one is a repartee, the other a tea-party.
453.	I am a girl of fifteen; if I should take the prize on conundrum night, what would happen ?
On my part it would be a miss-take; on the part of the jury a miss-giving, and on the part of the audience quite a-miss.
454 Why was the steamer Mississippi, on her recent errand, like a shop-boy in a dry-goods store calling his boss from a good dinner to show a customer a piece of vesting ?
She called Kossuth from his Turkey sojourn to show him a small portion of Marseilles.
455.	Why is a procession going to a darkey's funeral, like a party going on a rural excursion ?
Because they are going black-berrying (black-burying.)
456.	Why is Metropolitan Hall like the garden of Eden ?
Because the serpent deceived bnt one woman, and Professor Anderson has deceived thousands.
457.	Why was Mrs. Forrest proved not guilty ?
Because she was sin-clear, (Sinclair.)
458.	Why is Miss Catherine N. Sinclair like the American Eagle ?
Because she soars above the Forrest.
459.	Why is a man who controls his appetite, like the most eloquent man of the age ? (Kossuth.)
Because he is the Governor of hungry, (Hungary.)
460.	Why is the application of the Emperor of Austria for aid, to Russia, like the death of a very wicked man ?
Because he went to old Nicb- alas.
461.	Name the only occasion on which the immortal Washington waa detected in intemperance.
When the British found him at the Brandy-wine.
463. How is Kossuth like a cautious and lucky fly ?
Because he escaped from the intricacies of a Web.
463.	In presenting a bouquet of flowers, how should a beautiful young lady arrange it so as to produce from a favorite gentleman the most exquisite acknowledgments, twice at the same time, without compromising her fortune or herself?
In presenting first her tulips, (two lips) then throwing the holder around his neck and permitting him to breathe their perfume.
464.	Why is the great, the good, and the glorious Kossuth inferior to his wife ?
Because she is his " better half."LMJUJS' CONUNDRUMS.
.465. Why is Professor Anderson (to the ■adies) the most dangerous man of the age 1
Because in the witching art he stands un-'rivalled, second only to the Goddess of Love, Aud-(h)-er-aon.
46t>. What American lady has created 'moat sensation in European circles this last --season ?
Her ladysAip the yacht America.
467.	Why is Mrs. Forrest more entitled than ever to her maiden name ?
Beoause she is Sin-clear, and her Will-is accomplished. (Sinclair and her Willis ac-co mplished.)
468.	Why is the work of. a certain great author like a lady's ringlet ?
It is " Locke upon Human Understand-i«ig."
469.	Why is the President of the United States like the last glass iu Professor Anderson's bottle ?
Bacausi it is one fill-more.
470.	Why will the oity of New York, -after the 6th of February, be like the cotton bales at the battle of New Orleans ?
Became it will be awfully riddled.
471.	If one of Mrs. Forrest's warmest friend* wera to remonstrate with one of her enemies, what eminent man of the present century would he call upon while imploring an impartial judgment for his fair friend ?
O ! con her ! (O'Conor.)
472.	What kind of a time-piece is that which the most practiced workman cannot manufacture, and yet which any one of this audience can as readily make as the manufacturer himself.
A secoud handed (seconds handed) clock, i. e , not a new one.)
473.	Why is Metropolitan Hall like the American Flag ?
Because it is never without a Btar.
474.	Why was Mrs. ForreBt, during the late trial, like a soldier in the battle of Mexico ?
Because she was not sure of alimony, (a limb or knee.)
475.	Why are the people who visit Metropolitan Hall on the 6th of Feb. like those whose circumstances oblige them to remain at home ?
They aim to save the silver.
476.	Why is a lady wearing tight shoes lik e a vegetable in common use ?
She is a toe-marlyr (tomato.)
477.	Why is a literary man like a pig in a sty?
He is confined to a pen.
478.	Why is Governor Kossuth like an eel in a man's hand ?
He coutinually struggles for freedom.
479.	Why is Mrs. Forrest like Cleopatra?
She has been poisoned by an asp in flowers (Mrs. Flowers.)
480.	Why is Congress, on the Compromise JJill,like Balaam's a6s ?
More neighs (nays) than ayes.
481.	Why is Mr. Van Buren naturally opposed to hawks ?
Because his father was a martin, (Martin Van Buren.)
482.	Why are two little dogs, with their tails tied together, like two little dogs without tails ?
They have not (knot) tails.
483.	Why are young lovers like a will-o'-the-wisp ?
They are inconstant flames.
484.	Why does a man just shaved look like a brute ?
He has a bare (bear) face.
485.	Why is the late divorce case like a hiqkory walking-stick ?
It presents many naughty (knotty) points.
486.	Why is Kossuth's visit to France like the Compromise Measure ?
It leads to long (Capt. Long) discussions.
487.	Why are the Bloomer ladies like the leaders of a besieging army ?
They aim at the breeches, (breaches.)
488.	Why is a great Bnow storm like the weapon with which Sampson fought- the Philistines ?
It slays (sleighs) thousands.
489.	Why is Professor Anderson like a refreshing shower in a drought ?
Bccause his acts of Charity has cherished the hearts of the widow and the poor.
490.	Why is Professor Anderson like the great Kossuth ?
Because he has created a grfeat excitement amongst the people.
491.	Why is Professor Anderspn one of earth's befit land wisest men ?
Because he always is /or-giving, and always to for-getting.
492.	Why is a man endeavoring to deal out a pack of cards that stick together, like the American Art Union ?
Because he finds he can't make a distribution.
493.	Why is the magician like a galvanio battery resting on metallic cones ?
Because he is sur-charged with the chemicals to silver plate, the best cone-under-him (conundrum.)
494.	Why does a gentleman reclining on a couch, represent the name of one of- the head party in the late trial, and the talent of one of the principal witnesses ?
Because he is for rest and ly-ing with ease.
495.	Why is Kossuth like some of our city Misses.
Because he don't wish to meddle with domestic affairs.
496.	Why is Kossuth like a poultry merchant that has sold all his stock in trade 1
Because he is just out of Turkey.
497.	Why are Professor Anderson's exhibitions like a healthy old man 1
They are well {man-aged.)gentlemen's OOarUNDBUMB.
39
498. Why is Horace Greeley like the ^fashionable pants 1
Because he abjures the gallows. 41)9. Why is Mrs. Catharine Sinclair like a man who clears new land ?
Because she has cleared underwood and cut forest.
500. Why is the eye of a coquette like a glance of sun-light in the early spring time ? Because it encourages greenness.
GENTLEMEN'S CONUNDRUMS.
251.	Why is the lady who wins the prize "like the United States?
She hns the vessels, and is victorious.
252.	Why is the State of New York rich in timber land?
Because it contains a Forrest whose land - tax amounts to $3,000 a year.
2&3. Why is Kossuth like the North 45tar ?
Because he stands unmoved by the " pointers" of the Great Bear.
254.	When was John Bull humiliated before the softer sex ?
When Cowes saw Steers defeat him.
255.	Why are the Rochester knockings" proved to be a humbug and a swindle?
Because they are exposed by the realities of Professor Anderson's deceptions.
256.	When does Kossuth speak to the people with the greatest effect ?
When he talks Turkey to 'em.
257.	Why is Anderson like a Fire Com->party's target?
Because he's riddled to pieces by the ;B'hoys.
258.	Why is a woman and her only boy like a certain great magician?
Because she is a Female And-(h)-er-Bon.
259.	Why is Kossuth like a duck ?
Because he has been Webb-footed ever
sincehehas been here.
260.	Why is the New York Home Journal like a man who is disposed to be charitable ?
Because its Will-is good. (Willis.)
261.	Why is Brougham, in protecting Mrs. Forrest, like an old Knickerbocker of Gotham ?
Because he loves to-back-her. (Tobacco.)
262.	Why is Professor Anderson's inexhaustible Bottle like Faith?
Because it is the " Substance of things hoped for, and the Evidence of things not seen.''
263.	Why is the flying banner of America like the ocean on a clear night?
Because the glorious stars are Seen in its • wave.
264.	Why has the Russian Bear proved '■himself a great epicure ?
In a late Hung'ry fit he was quite dissat-lisfied with Turkey.
.265. Why is despotism like winter?
Because it often causes the great (grate) to shine forth aud the spirits of all around to kindle in the glow.
266.	Why is Louis Napoleon like a famished Organ Grinder catching pennys ?
Because his eye is on the throne, and his organ is hard to Rome, Hungary as a Bear, would devour Bull beef* and even Eagle flesh, if it were not too tough.
267.	Why does a Lion resemble the present Temperance movement?
Because its mane, (Maine) as an ornament, predominates; its courage is emblematical of self-preservation, and although Tigers may assail him, yet he will never pause (paws) until he is made to lie down in safety with the lamb.
268.	Why should this audience be unusually lively ?
Because the free list being suspended, no dead'heads are admitted.
269.	Why cannot Professor Anderson be admitted into fashionable society ?
Because he is a negro-man-sir. (necromancer).
270.	Why should the winners of the silver be ashamed to receive it?
Because they know Prof. Anderson is frequently obliged to borrow a half-dollar of strangers.
271.	Why is a Yankee always subject to the water on the brain ?
Because he has an ocean (a notion) in his head.
272.	If a lady is folding a fifty dollar bill, how is she the gaiuer ?
Because see doubles the amount?
273.	Why is the assembly here this evening like a couple in a ball-room?
Because they are in for the set.
274.	Why lias deBtiny selected, among all nations, the glorious American citizen to crush down and see at his feet the despots of Europe?
Because them American (hammer he can.)
275.	Why are the rewards offered tonight like the race which is not to the swift and the battle which is not to the strong ?
Because they belong to the pun-y.40
gentlemen's conundrums.
276.	Is there any lady who prefers earth to heaven ?
There is Nun.
277.	What is the difference between a milk-maid and a Martin?
The one skims the water and the other swallows the milk.
278.	Why is the successful party to-night like the democrats in '44'
Because they got the best Coon-underum.
279.	Why are disappointed aspirants for the honors of this evening like " a bull in a crockery shop ?"
Because they won't take their horn out of the tea-things.
280.	Why is the crusty order of a boarder, who wants his dinner and mentions his number, like a sweet-toned musical instrument?
Because it's a chicken-pie-in-forty !
281.	Why is the holding of certain offices by our city-fathers supposed to be injurious to their health?
Because they are getting so much Lantern-Jawed.
282.	Why is a polite gent, trying to pass Broadway with a lady, like the cook on a packet ship ?
Because he always sticks close to bis galley, and is sure to get a plenty of slush.
283.	When one of our city bucks goes out " to slay a dear"—his victim resembles what first Queen and founder of Carthage ?
Die- Doe.
284.	Why should Austrian generals shun the use of snuff?
Because it might lead to a Kos-shoot
285.	Where is the clerk of the weather supposed to keep his office ?
He seems to be down on Broadway.
286.	What period of the Roman history finds its parallel in the presentation to-night?
The close of the First-Punic war.
287.	Why is a clerk in South-street " seeking" an " independence" like one who thinks he has got the best conundrum?
Because he is looking for something out of the Black-Ball-Line."
288.	Why should Broadway be classed among the seven wonders of the world ?
Because it is the " collossus of Roads" and strangers say that in crossing, they are in the greatest of straits.
289.	Why is a man who has stepped on a quarter as well off as if he had an umbrella ?
Because though he has his foot on the two shillings, he keeps perfectly shady.
290.	Why is Prof. Anderson like the father of the Prodigal son ?
Because " it is meat for him that we sh2ould make merry and be glad.1'
291.	Why is the following plan of arrangement in awarding the two great prizes by Conundrum like our Union?
Because it is free for all.
292.	Why are the jurors like The Old Thirteen States of our Union'?
Because they are protected by her armyr and navy, and laws.
293.	Why is the inventor of the two best original Conundrums like General Washington ?
Because his pen, like the sword of Washington, has won the laurels.
294.	Why is a drunkard holding on to a lamp-post like the account books of a thorough business man ?
Because he is well posted up.
295.	Why is a recruit like a grape-vine ?
Because he's 'listed, trained, has tendrils
(ten drills,) and shoots, and is oltimes a deserter (desserter.)
296.	Why is a California miner like a President elect ?
Because he is in for the capital, (Capitol.)
297.	Why was the late divorce case an incentive to botany ?
Because it induced Mr. O'Conor to walk into the Forrest, and study and explain the-langnage of Flowers, while at the same time more practically, he demonstrated to the public the aotual value of Underwood after it had been cut up.
298.	Why is a bottle of old brandy like Bamum's gardener at Iranistan ?
Because they both excel in making a nosegay-
299.	Why is the Wizard of the North, like the United States Mint, and the government of the United States ?
Because he is continually making moneyr and ministering to the happiness and wants of the people.
300.	Why am I like a California miner ?
Because by Anderson's wondrous power
I am led to try my fortune at that which is from me most far—the art of guessing how to win the treasure.
301.	Why are the United States of America like a happy married couple ?
Because they are " in favor of the Union,"" and scorn all attempts of mankind to dissolve-it.
302.	What is the difference between Louis Napolqon and the present Emperor of Austria ? *
Why, one is wicked and the other a weak-head. One a hyena, and the other a wolf.
303.	I have put mine on my street door,, and expect Professor Anderson to put his on. my side-board. His what?
His plate.
304.	What musical instrument has had an honorary degree conferred upon it ?
Fiddle D. D.
305.	Why is a man who advocates all sides in politics, like a temperance raeeliDg?
Because he is all talk and no sider, (cider.)
306.	Why is Professor Anderson like a lucky whist-player?
Because he takes the lead, and wins all the honors with his odd tricks.gentlemen's
307.	Why does all rascality in New York reach the public ear?
Because it is sure to bo Herald-ed.
308.	Why would the recently divorced parties prefer living alone, in the city.
Because they both got tired of Forest (Forrest) Life.
309.	Why would you think the jurors in the divorce case, very generous men ?
Because they gave a lady $3,000 a year, for 20 shillings.
310.	Why should Austria quail at Kossuth's success iu the United States ?
Because he has already got 100,000 Huzzas! (Hussars.)
311.	Why will Kossuth treat us badly if we give him the " substantial aid " he asks ?
Because he contemplates settling with his enemies before he pays his friends.
312.	Why are the hopes of a man going to California like those of a physician preparing to bleed a patient?
Because he hopes to strike a vein.
313.	Why is Professor Anderson a great spendthrift ?
Because he makes the money dance.
314.	Why is it likely that no person will get Professor Anderson's prize for the best conundrum ?
Because the whole thing is given for a mere joke.
315.	When is a room like a wrecked vessel?
When it's a stove-in.
316.	Why is a man measuring tape like a mau going backward ?
Because it's a counter movement.
317.	When is a portrait like an unrepent-ing criminal ?
When it's hung in guilt (gilt.)
318.	Why is Professor Anderson like a mischievous boy ?
Because he's always playing tricks.
319.	-Why is Kossuth the most unfortunate man living?
Because he is feted (fated) wherever he goes.
320.	When was Ireland less than a yard square ?
When Henry the lid. put her under a pail (pale.)
321.	Why is a trap set for a lion like a nation ?
Because it is a Denmark (den mark.)
322.	If you report a fool's talk, why are you like two celebrated names in history ?
Because you freight his babble on, (Euphrates, Babvlon.)
323.	Why is John Hall Wilton, Professor Anderson's manager, like the magnetic fluid?
Because he is a good traveller.
324.	Why is Metropolitan Hall likeShaks-peare's play of Macbeth?
Because is has mysterious performances in it
conundrums.	41
325.	Why are the streets of New York, in their present condition, like the democrats of 1838?
Because they require a removal of the deposits.
326.	Why was the opening of Tripler Hall like the consecration of an Episcopal Church ?
Because it had a Bishop to dedicate it.
327.	Why is the Wizard of the North like the Atlantic Ocean ?
Because the extent of his knowledge and benevolence, like its depth, cannot be measured.
328.	Why is OrConor the greatest woodman in the world ?
Because at one trial he cut down a Forest with all its Underwood and Flowers.
329.	At what time by the clock is a pun most effective ?
When it strikes one.
330.	Why was the coup d'etat of Louis Napoleon like Ireland ?
Because there was a sly go (Sligo) in it.
331.	Why was the City of Paris, in December, 1851, like the City of New York in January, 1852.
Because there was much slaying (sleighing) in the streets.
332.	Why is Mr. Anderson's magic bottle like the alphabet ?
Because it has consanance with all the liquids.
333.	When does a disconsolate lover express by a sigh his want and his sorrow.
When he sighs alas ! (a lass.)
334.	Why is the City of Washington like a dirty bed ?
Because there are big bugs in it.
335.	Why is Mrs. Forrest comparable to a coach driver ?
Because they both go on the stage for a "destination" (rendezvous—appointment.)
336.	What kind of chief ladies would kindly patronise ?
It is a good looking neck-er-cAie/.
337.	Why i6 Professor Anderson's audience like Mahomet's coffin ?
Because it is greatly attracted, and in a state of suspense.
338.	Why is a tooth-brush like the great wall of China?
Because it prevents the incursion of the tartar (Tartars.)
339.	Why is Professor Anderson's prize like a couple about to be married ?
Because it is to be won. (one.)
340.	Why is New York, at the present time, like the far West in April ?
Because the verdancy of its remarkable Forrests becomes daily more apparent.
341.	Why is an industrious young man, about to sue for the hand of his lady love, like an American manufacturer sending his goods to the Chrystal Palace ?
Because by the fruits of his industry andG-IOiTTLBMEN's CONUNDEIJMS.
perseverance, he hopes to receive an award jroin the fair.
342.	Should the U. S. Senate intervene between Russia and Hungary, why would it be like a bullet that one of Col. Fremont's men shot in a deer ?
Because it would go into venison (intervention) to assist Hungary soldiers ?
343.	Why is the Judge, on the Forrest trial, like a fallen tree T
Because it is Oak-lie.
344.	Whyis the name of General Washington like a person taking a bath, after the fatigue of a summer's day ?
Because it helps to strengthen the Constitution.
345.	Why was General Washington like the currency of the United States ?
Bccause he had sterling worth.
346.	Why is the City Hall like a Rockland Lake ice van ?
Because just-ice is distributed from it.
347.	What did Ceesar say when he was killed by the Roman conspirators ?
Adieu, Brutus, (At tu, Brutus.)
348.	Why were the Chineso beaten by the English during the last war between the two countries ?
Because every one of us knows, and housewives in particular, that China breaks sooner thau British metal.
349.	Why is Professor A. like a warrior, to-night?
Because his business to-night is with can-Don, drums, (conundrums,) and pitchers.
350.	Why was Hamilton Fish, a few months since, like a vessel leaving port ?
Because he was Seward (sea-ward) bound.
351.	Why are the Bloomers like the American army storming Vera Cruz ?
Because they are getting into the breeches.
352.	Why is a ruling monarch like a dead drunkard, or a man that dies drunk ?
Because it is a dynasty (die-nasty).
353.	Why is the gallantry of Professor Anderson, in the distribution of his prizes lo-night, like a noted pugilist ?
Because he gives a higher (Hyer) set to" ladies.
354.	Why is the good and benevolent Howard, of the Irving House, like an Austrian butcher?
Because, when the snow was on the ground, he witnessed the slaying (sleighing) of Hungarian refugees in cold blood, with evident delight and satisfaction.
355.	Why have we reason to fear that the '' witch time has come again*' ?
Because we have a Wizard in our midst, whose mysterious performances are of an astonishing character, the secret operation of witches (which is) not to be seen.
356.	Why was Kossuth, on leaving Turkey, like the British leaving New Orleans, after being well flogged by General Jackson?
Because he sailed away on the Mississippi.
357.	Why ought America to be like unto David, who slew Goliah ?
Because he considerad not the size of the tyrant, but the sighs of the oppressed.
358.	Why is a friend of Liberty and Kos-. suth, like one who thinks highly of Professor Anderson ?
Because he thinks much of her, and her son (Herr Anderson).
359.	Why is Thurlow Weeii like a great city?
Because he's Seward (sewered) all over.
360.	Why do you, when you hold up your right hand, see something that you never did see, never can see, or never will see?
Because you see that your fore finger is not as long as the next one to it, you never did see it as long, never can, or never will.
361.	Why does John Bull consider the Yankees the greatest farmers and cattle raisers in the world?
Because they planted a few Locks of Yankee notions at the World's Fair, and reaped, with lightning speed, the biggest kind of crop of English grain; in cattle, they acknowledge the splendor of our American Steers, and could not compare with us even at cows (Cowes). ">
362.	Why should carpenters be in great request in the despotic countries of Europe ?
To make seats for their standing armies, and gibbets for their tyrants.
363.	Why has this Republic stood the test of so many years ?
The foundation was so well built by a mason, there was no chance for priestcraft to mix in.
364.	Why are the noble crew who manned the yacht America, in her late contest for the championship of the world, like the Queen of England's table waiters ?
Because,they are the recipients of her cup, and have oftentimes " merrily laughed'' and " cheerily quaffed" over its sweets, at the expense of her most gracious Majesty's <l great nation."
365.	Why is Professor Anderson like a church deacon?
Because he offers the plate to draw the dollars.
366.	Why is the lady's prize conundrum of to-night* like General Washington ?
Because it was best suited for the service.
367.	Why is the name of a celebrated artist, and the tenth part of a century, synonymous ?
Because it is Teniers (ten years).
368.	Why is a certain silver,service in the hands of Professor Anderson like Alladin's wonderful lamp ?
Because it takes the keenest wit to obtain
it.
369.	Why is the city hall clock like a picture of satan ?gentlemen's oontjndeums.
43
Because it's an lt old scratch" on the (ace of it.
370. Why is Kossuth like the Pope ?
Because he sticks to the masses.
37L. Why is Kossuth like that Grecian artiBt who made statutes of gold and silver?
Because, like Phidias, he made nothing of Clay.
372.	Why is the gentleman lately married to Miss Sylvia Ware like the lady who wins the $400 prize ?
Because he is the winner of Sylvia Ware, (silver ware.)
373.	Why is John Van Buren like «' the babes in the woods ?"
Because he is lost in the Forrest.
374.	Why are the friends of the present administration like a tippler who complains of email measure ?
Because their cry is Fill-more.
375.	Why is Professor Anderson like one who entourages prize fighting ?
Because he furnishes the ladies with a silver tea set for a prize, and promises the gentlemen a regular set too.
376.	Why did Kossuth and his companions go where they did rather than to France ?
Because being Hungry 'uns, whose internal condition had been injured by a severe diet, they preferred a good Turkey with Porte before it, and a Utile Greece ou one side, to nothing but a Boney-parte.
377- Why is the successful competitor for this evening's prize like the English army .at the great battle in India?
He wins the victory of the Pun-job, (Pun-jaub.)
378.	Why is the Forrest Trial like the fivft loaves and two fishes mentioned in Scripture.
Because it has fed 5,000 hungry scandal mongers, and there's.^ fragment left.
379.	How will Kossuth s mission to the United States aid the cause of one of the Whig candidates for the Presidency ?
It will make Webb stir, (Webster.)
380.	How will Forrest's divorce from his wife reconcile him to his greatest enemy ?
The loss of one bosom companion will incline him .to make ready (Macready) for another.
381.	Why did Commodore Stocktou always treat his flag and his sailors alike ?
Because he nevqr allowed either to be truck.
382.	Why should Ireland and Hungary sympathize with each other ?
Because Ireland is full of hungry men and Hungary is full of ire-isli men.
383.	How is Mrs. Forrest (ubw Mrs. Sinclair) thrice benefited by the verdict of divorce ?
It clears away the dark Forrest from her name, and leaves her sin-cleart (Sinclair), With all her money (alimony.)
384.	Why is Mrs. Forrest entitled to a prize medal from the Agricultural Society ?
Because she raised the biggest " beat" of the season.
385.	Why is Professor Anderson like Louis Napoleon ?
Because both are deeply versed in the art of deception.
336. Why are the people of Maine all materialists ?
Because they have no faith in spirits*
387.	Why is a man who has abandoned the business of blacksmithing like a Theologian ?
Because he is an ex-pounder.
388.	Why is an abandoned libertine like a crooked tree ?•
Because he exhibits the bent of his inclination.
389.	In what has Brother Jonathan most mortified John Bull ?
In taking him by the horns in sight of his Cow(e)s.
390.	Why is Kossuth like the Mayor of this city, in ordering out the police and military on the occasion of Mrs. Forrest's debut ?
Because he is in favor of intervention to secure non-intervention.
391.	Why is New York, Brooklyn, Jersey City and Williamsburgh, like foolish people to-night ?
Because Professor Anderson has got all their wits here.
392.	Why is the winner in the contest of wit like the successful founder of a new and ingenious religious sect?
Because he has achieved a witty schism (witticism).
393.	Why would O'Conor make a good Michigan woodsman ?
Because in one month he has cut down one great Forrest, with its underwood and flowers, made the oak-lie (Oakley) favorable, and turned another Forrest into the Sinclair.
394.	Why should washer-women be tbe bon ton of American society ?
Because the Washing-ton gave us the best of tea—liber-fea (liberty).
395.	Why is a well known lady in this city like a party of huntsmen, searching for game ?
Because she beat the Forrest.
396.	Why is the President of the United States like a dandy ?
Because he exists at the expense of a tailor, (a Taylor).
397.	Why is the noblest character of the age like the rtieanest beggar ?
Because he is a Hungary man.
398.	Why is a minibter preaching to a congregation of hypocrites like a tunnel in abr<H' ken j ug or a leaky barrel ?
Because he is the channel through which.gentlemen's
CONUNDRUMS.
pitfe spirits and living waters are poured into 4 earthen 7688618 and broken cisterns.'
399.	Why is C. C. Burr like an old rat near the front door ?
Because he's disturbed by 'the knockings.'
400.	What officer displays the best military tactics ?
Marshal Array, (martial array.)
401.	"Why is the "Wizard of the North like Kossuth ?
Because the Hung(a)ry people claim him as their truest friend.
402.	"Why is Professor Anderson like Awful Gardner, the prize fighter ?
Because his money is gained by scientific tricks.
403.	Why is the "Wizard better than a Jersey bank ?
One pays in silver, the other in paper.
404.	Why are the lady competitors for Professor Anderson's prize like a man anxious to enlist in the army ?
Because they are eager for the service.
405.	What cause is dearest to Hungary ?
Kos-suth.
406.	Why was Martha Washington, du. ring the Revolutionary struggle, like the audience assembled here to-riight?
Because in tears, (tiers,) yet strong in hope, she awaited the return of him whose valued services would soon be acknowledged hnd handed down by the deliberations and just decisions of the United Thirteen.
407.	"Why is the gentleman part of the audience like Bacchanal revelers ?
Because they are exhilarated by the Goblets, and have a strong desire of obtaining them.
408.	Why may one of Prof. Anderson's display's be considered a ridiculous defect, and yet the best in taste?
His 4 Bottle Feat.' * 409. Why is the temperance eause like a Lion, and an ancieut nation 7
Because her strength is in her main, and Bhe has the law of Casar (seizure.)
410.	Why cannot the ladies who adopt the Bloomer costume, ever by any possibility obtain husbands?
Because whatever promises of marriage they may have, there are sure to be breeches (breaches) ou both sides.
411.	Why cannot we form good subjects for conundrums?
Because we are all sovereigns.
412.	Why is an author that treats about Physiogomy like a Boldier?
Bacause he does write about face.
413.	Why are the judges on this conundrum night, like paying-tellers in our city Banks ?
If they approve your paper, they will hand you the silver.
414.	Why is a cannou-ball on an inclined plane like a clock ?
Because its character is stamped on its face, and it goes by its own weight.
415.	Why is a person who turns from vice to virtue, like a traveller 1
Because he turns to a way-farer.
416.	Why is Professor Anderson like the Telegraph ?
Because the principal in both is visible, but the principle invisible.
417.	If a lady accompanied by her child attend a soiree, why would the company bo entitled to call upon her for a performance of the celebrated bottle trick ?
Because she would be their Anderson, (there-and-her-son.)
418.	Why is Daniel Webster like a man condemned to the gibbet, whose last appeal has been rejected ?
Because both are in the expectation of elevation.
419.	Why is the first grand prize like the jury selected to decide the contest ?
Because it is a service gratuitously given, to reward the inventor of the best conundrum.
420.	Who was the first Post-boy ?
Cadmus; he carried letters from Phoenicia
to Greece.
421.	Why is the Fourth of July like an oyster soup ?
Because you don't enjoy it without crackers.
422.	Why is John Bull, since the yaoht race, like the moon in her last quarter ?
Because he has hauled in his horns.
423.	Why is the man who earns this prize and does not call for it, like Professor Anderson ?
Because he earns the silver and gives it to the poor of the city.
424.	Why is the ocean a good sentinel?
Because it seas (sees) round the earth.
425.	What is the greatest anomaly ?
A thoroughly coaled (cold) red hot furnace.
426.	When is a ship like a man engaged to be married ?
When it is bound to Havre (have her.)
427.	When does a plebeian incline to aristocracy ?
Wheii he smells rank.
4"28. Why is the Isthmus route, compared with that round the Horn, to California, like knowing parents 1
Because it is a wise-her (wiser) Pa-sage (passage.)
429.	Why will all who go to Professor Anderson's prize performance win ?
Because every one will go-win (go in) for himself.
430.	Why is Professor Anderson, this evening, like a dumb lover?
Because the lady, to obtain his " service,'1 must pop the question and answer it herself.
431.	What two prominent men ill Newgentlemen's
conundrums.
York ia there a similarity between, and why ?
Professor Anderson and E. E. Collins. They have both surprised the crowped heads of Europe ; oue in the art of magic, the other in the science of steam ; both subjects equally simple to a comprehensive mind, but both magic to the novice.
432.	Supposing you were in the saddlery business, the head of what government resembles a workman in a certain line of your manufactory, and why ?
The Czar, of Russia, because he is putting " halters " ou all your-rope (Europe.)
433.	Why is the editor of the Courier like & spider ?
Because he spun a Webb for Kossuth.
434.	Why is Kossuth like a highwayman ?
He demands your money.
435- Who made a voyage to sea without «hip, compass, or rudder ?
Jonah.
436.	Why is Kosduth no humbug ?
Because he tells you plainly what he"1wants.
437.	What infant in the cradle of liberty cries the loudest ?
The Hungary infant.
438.	Why are Collins's steamers like crying babieB ?
They want more pap.
439.	Why is not Britannia able to rule the waves?
"America" and Com Stevens have beat her.
440.	Why do underwriters dislike Sir J. Franklin ?
He makes too long voyages.
441.	What light does Sir J. Franklin go to bed with?
The northern light.
442.	What land is travelled most ?
The down trodden.
443.	Why is Kossuth like a whale ?
He is always spouting.
444.	Why aint he like a whale !
He don't blubber.
445.	Why are Professor Anderson's performances like any quantity of pickpockets ?
Because they are all slight of hand ?
446.	Why was Professor Anderson's donation to the poor on New Year's day like Genin's gift to Kossuth ?
Because it was in aid of a HuDgary cause.
447.	Why is the fortunate winner of Professor Anderson's tea service the least likely to want it ?
Because they have one, (won.)
448.	Why is a vessel entering New York Bay, like a timid maiden ?
Because 6he steers clear of the boys, (buoys)
449.	Why is Barnum like a bee?
Because he is a hum-bug.
450.	Why does Professor Anderson's bot-
tle feat prove him to be extravagant, and at the same time peevishly parsimonious f
Because he pours aways his liquors, and w(h)ines while he does it.
451.	Why is Mr. Charles O'Conor the most remarkable wood cutter of the present day?
Because, unlike his companions in arms, ■in his daily circuity through the Forest, he cuts down both Underwood and Flowers.
452.	Why is a drunkard beating his wife, like the governor of one of our Eastern States I
Because he is applying the Main(e) Liquor (lick-her) Law.
453.	Why was the verdict of a certain jury, l.-ke the first of autumn ?
Because it blighted the Forrest, and robbed it of all that once seemed lovely, Respite a fabulous protest from the Flowers.
454.	When is Prof. Anderson like the wife of the President of the United States ?
When he is filling glasses from his magic bottle, for he delights in obeying the calls of Fillmore, (fill more.)
455.	Why are those who fell with General Braddock like the court and council in a recent divorce suit?
Because their forest (Forrest) trials were concluded amidst a storm of balls, (bawls,) from those who had surrounded them.
456.	Why is a costly mirror like a beautiful young lady?
Because each is a splendid looking-lass, (looking-glass.)
457.	Why is a person who will not write, like a revolutionary soldier ?
Because he is a pen-shunner, (pensioner.)
458.	Why must Prof. Anderson be acknowledged as a practical Daguerreotypist ?
Becuuse he is securing the lively expressions of people's minds by means of his silver plate.
459.	Why does the monument which was to have been erected to the memory of Washington near Yorkville, on this Island, resemble a grist mill 1
Because it has an upper and an under store.
460.	Why was Adam's great defection like a modern legal action ?
Because—as you may clearly trace—it was the primal forest (Forrest) case.
461.	Why is a gentleman wishing board in the vicinity of Cortlandt-street like a true hearted American patriot ?
Because he would rather live in Liberty or Dey. (Die.)
462.	What perfume would you mention in telling an Irishman he told an untruth?
Patchouli, (Pat you lie).
463.	What Greek Island resembles a half-starved animal ?
Mitylene, (Mighty lean).46	gentlemen's
464.	What medicinal rcot describee the taste of brandy and water?
Liquorice, (Liquor-ish).
465.	What medicinal gum resembles a sentinel's watch-fire?
Camphor, (Camp-fire).
466.	Why are Louis Kossuth and the King of the Sandwich Islands alike ?
Because each is Aching (a King) for his people.
467.	Which passage in the Bible poiDts the antiquity of mock auctions 1
" He was a stranger and they took him in."
468.	How can Professor Anderson afford to present such costly prizes ?
Because he gets so many golden opinions.
469.	Why are the transactions of Professor Anderson like those of the celebrated Irish Highwayman Redmond O'Hanlon ?
Because they both have takeu from the Rich and given to the Poor.
470.	Why is au old bachelor like an accurate mathematician 7
Because he is not likely to miss-take.
471.	Why is Professor Anderson a mean man ?
Because he invites company to empty cups and goblets.
472.	W hy is honey good for croup ?
Because it in hivesirrup..
473.	Why is the Art Union like a poor play?
Because it don't draw.
474.	What bird will have the most shots fired ut him ?
The Russian Eagle.
475.	Why is white lead a dirty article ?]
Because it is generally impure.
476.	When was Congress like a pottery about to suspend operations for want of material ?
In 1850, when they could not get along without Clay.
477.	What difference is there between the unsuccessful ladies this evening and a regiment of soldiers discharged for bad conduct ?
The only difference is that the soldiers were drummed out of the service, and the ladies were conundrumed out of the service.
478.	Why are the gentlemen contending for the prize like the notorious (late) Mrs. Forrest ?
Because they are anxiously awaiting the verdict of the jury.
479.	Why is the yacht America like a barber ?
Because she's a clipper.
480.	When were the feelings of Kossuth and Hayimu in unisou ?
When ihey rejoiced at their lucky escape from the bruiu vault (brewing vault.)
481.	Why is Charles O'Conor, the New Tork lawyer, like a Mississippi raftsman ?
Because ihuy both will make money by clearing a forest (Forrest.)
conundrums.
482.	Why is the yacht America like a spurious dollar ?
Because t-he is hard to pass.
483.	Why is an old man fond of murders?
Because he is fond of a Cain.
484.	Why are the lovers of Professor Anderson's magic bottle like certain whigs?
Because they go in for Fill-more.
485.	Why ought Professor Auderson to have plenty of perfumery ?
Because he gets fifty cents from every one who visits him.
486.	Why had the omnibus drivers in the City of New York ought to undergo capital punishment 7
Because they have been sleighing the people.
487.	Why is a locomotive like the United States ?
Because they both have a tender.
488.	Why was a certain Court, in this city, like to be lost?
Because it was thirty-six days in the Forest.
489.	Why is Professor Anderson's audience like the late divorce case ?
Because so numerous they resemble a forest and garden, having a sturdy Oak in the midst, and a Van conspicuous among the Flowers.
490.	Why is a good conundrum like an object seen in a mirror ?
Because it is a reflection of (wit) it.
491.	Why is the successful lady on this occasion like the Professor's wife ?
Because the valuable services bestowed by him aflord a pleasure better appreciated by her than by those ladies whose best efforts have failed to wiu them.
492.	When were the Hungarian exiles, on their arrival here, placed in circumstances Bomewhat similar to those from which they had just escaped ?
When they had to dash over the ranks of the Russ, (Russ pavement,) stationed in Broadway, before they could get to cut hare (Kuihaya,) or Turkey, at the Irving.
493.	In what particulars are Kossuth and Professor Auderson alike?
In their endeavors, the one to relieve the poor Hungary, the other, the hungry poor.
494.	Why is Professor Anderson like a monkey?
Because he works his way through the world by his tricks.
495.	Why is the service of plate like the exclamation of the old woman when her cow died?
Because it's all for the best.
496.	Wherein have the Americans lately shown their sympathy for Ihe oppressed?
Iu taking the Hungary exiles to Fillmore.
497.	Why is Professor Anderson's magic bottle like a soap bubble?
Because it attracts and deceives.gentlemen's
(XHSTmrWEHfiHB.
498. Ye wise men, come, give me your ear, Blushing maidens, matrons, all hear ! List to my conundrum, guess if you can; What thing is that which most resembles a man ?
Ah ! you'll never guess it. Why, another man, of course.
499.	Why is a beggar like a jockey ?
Because he's iu Tatters-all.
500.	Why is Wall street, like a forest?
Because it abounds with Bulls and Bears.
501.	Why are Ladies like a ship ?
Because they like a Smack. (Smack, a
small ship.)
502.	Why is the beautiful Lady of a Diocesan Bishop and a fawning Sycophant, like the Emerald Isle ?
Because the one is a Gem in the See, and the other is full of Blarney.
503.	Why is Charity like the rainbow ?
Because its beauties are reflected by tears
from the clouds' of misfortvne.
504.	Why is Old King Alcohol like Louis Kossuth or Professor Anderson?
Because it has immortalized its name by excitiug the people.
505.	Why is Kossuth's hat like the Constitution of the United States?
Because it coveris, fils and protects a Republican Head.
506.	Why is the Great Magician like the Great Kossuth ?
Because he gathers and distributes " material aid'' to (the) Hungary.
507.	Why may we in two respects compare Prof. Anderson to the illustrious Washington ?
He is not only unequaled in his profession, but has no superior iu benevolence.
508.	Why do Scotchmen like to put their fingers in the fire?
Because they love Burns.
509.	Why are Mr. and Mrs. Forrest like the State of South Carolina ?
Because they are in favor of seceding from the Union.
510.	Why is the expression, " I can get along well enough without you," like a great memorable occasion in the annals of American history?
Because it is a Declaration of Independence.
511.	Why do Ladies and Gentlemen contemplating marriage, consider that the Union should have another Slate annexed to it?
Because they think the Uuiou cannot be perfect without the Stat e ol Matrimony.
512.	Why is Prof. Anderson tho best man to fill one of the most important commands in the next Hungarian army ?
Because he ean furnish a Commissary General,
Fowls out of nothing, and money from less; Lead them deep into Turkey, should Bear's
Meat oppress,
While grog for whole armies ftom his one
bottle flows, His Intervention Electic can kill without
blows.
513.	Why was the Commander of the Frigate Mississippi, when he conveyed Kossuth from the Ottoman Empire, like an inactive and unfeeling man ?
Because he was ' Long' taking a ' Hungary' man from a 'Turkey.'
514.	Why was the effect produced by the recent snow storm like that of the Revolution in France ?
Because it caused a good deal of (sleighing) slaying, and few got off without punches.
515.	Why is a discharged street paver like Daniel Webster ?
Because he is an ex-pounder.
516.	Why was Joseph in Egypt like Professor Anderson ?
Because he gave bread to his brethren.
517.	Why is Professor Anderson, this evening, like the light in the City-Hall clock?
Because he is 6een through the plate.
518.	Why is Charles O'Conor a good woodsman ?
Because he cut down a Forrest in thirty days.
519.	Why would Gen. Scott be victorious in a Presidential race, as he has always been in battle ?
Because he is always a Wivfield Scott.
520.	Why are two eminent political opponents and Candidates for the Presidency one and the same ?
Because Douglass is a Scott, (Scot.)
521.	Why are the Yankees sacrilegious rowdies ?
Because they raised Hobbs at the World's Fair to pick Bramah's (Brama) locks.
522.	Why is England, with all her credit, the least trustworthy of Nations ?
Because she's the most knaive-y, (navy.)
523.	Why was Charles O'Conor, Esq., at the end of the late suit, like his successful client, Mrs. Catherine N. Forrest?
Because he received his Ally-money, (Alimony.)
524.	Why is the recently divorced wife of a celebrated tragedian like a sensible Indian ?
Because she forsakes a Forrest whose Underwood is useless and whose Flowers are blighted.
525 Why is the most confident expectant on this occasion like a shad trying to climb Niagara Falls?
Because expectation has a decided advantage over ability.
526.	Why is a butcher at work like a man driving a sleigh ?
Because he is slaying.
527.	Why is the devil like a bee f
Because he is busy.
528.	Why are the planets, Jupiter and Saturn, like the American Flag ?48
gentlemen's conundrums.
Because they ^re stars and stripeB.
529.	Why are overshoes like highwaymen?
Because they are rubbers.
530.	Why are the most costly of precious 9tones like oue of the suits of a pack of cards?
Because they are diamonds.
531.	Why is an emigrant, when he first lanes, like a pumpkin?
Because he is green.
532.	Why are the parlies in the late great divorce case like wild wood ?
Because they are Forests.
533.	Why are Christie's Minstrels like Conundrums ?
Because they are all &it and nonsense.
534.	Why is a lie like a difficult mathematical problem ?
Because it is quicker believed than proved.
535.	Why is Mr. Forrest in the carrica-ture like a merchant ?
Because he wants discount for cash.
536.	Why is Metropolitan Hall like a powerful magnet ?
Because it is very attracting.
537.	Why is an audience in listening to a certain celebrated singer like a vessel in a misty night ?
Because it is en wrapt with " Hayes" (haze).
53ti. Why is tailor McKimm's clothing store like a nest of youug birds ?
Because it is filled with Bills ; there being ten Williams in his store, corner of Carmine and Bleecker streets.
539.	Why wbb Gen. Scott, at the storming of the City of Mexico, like a cook roasting a part of a male sheep ?
Because they both watched the ramparts, (ram-parts.)
540.	Why are the competitors of this Conundrum night all likely to win ?
Because they all make their own conundrums the best.
541.	Why is Mrs. C.N. Sinclair like a woodmonger?
Because she derives her benefit from a Forrest.
542.	Why would a colored person most likely call the Common Council all the male citizens of New York ?
Because they would say they are Al-der-men.
543.	What sort of a glass should you prefer for a post guard ?
A watch glass.
544.	Why is a barrel likely to be the wisest thing?
Because it has two heads.
545.	Without thinking of Carthage or Babylon, what will be the probable end of New York City in the course of time, no matter whether she increases in magnitude
and opnlence, or be laid in ruins by a hostile fleet ?
Do you gib it up ?
Why, the Battery, to be sure.
546.	Why is the Art-Union like a stage horse that can no longer draw ?
Because it is a used up old Post-pony (Postpone-y) concern.
547.	Why is the prize drawing to-night like a battle-field and a humorous rupture in a religious body ?
Because it brings a sound of cannon, drums, (conundrums,) and a great display of witty schisms (witticisms.)
549. Why will a good man never go to heaven ?
Because heaven comes to him.
549.	Why can Miss Catharine N. Sinclair halloo and rejoice ?
Because she is out of the Forrest, and Sin-clair! (sin-clear.)
550.	Why should Artists and Sculptors resort to the City of Washington instead of Italy ?
Because we there have the noblest model of a man in Clay.
551.	Why is brevity like the bottom of a boot?
Because it is the sole (soul) qf (w)it.
552.	Why was Professor Anderson's late stroke of charity far better than Louis Na-poleou's late stroke of State!
Because the Professor gave to the suffering the '' best of the beef," while the Prince gave them only a poor Boney.part.
553.	Why should we be dissatisfied with our treatment of Professor Anderson ?
Because the most we have done for him has only been done by the halves, (50 cents admittance.)
554.	What is the best trick the Professor has performed to-night 1
He has taken the four-quarters ($1 admittance fee) from each of us, yet left us all whole.
555.	Why is Professor Anderson like a mischievous boy ?
Because he is full of tricks.
556.	Why is a miller like a cook?
Because he prepares the meal.
557.	Why would Professor Auderson make a very poor Optician !
Because, though he makes a great many spectacles, the sharpest sighted cannot see through them.
558.	Why is a short nigger like a while man ?
Because he is not at-all (a tall) black.
559.	Why is the Emperor 9f Austria, wheu attacked by an overpowering force, like a young cub?
Because he cries to the Old Bare for help.
560.	Why are our worthy city fathers like the Boston Patriots before the breaking out of the Revolution ?gentlemen's conundrums.
49
Because they won't go on with their work until they throw down the " tea." The tea table is considered a nuisance.
561.	Why are those persons who say that Professor Anderson does not deservedly draw the largest house of any magician on the continent, like your little boy's playthings ?
Because they are generally, lying about the house.
562.	Why is the wittiest conundrum of this evening like the father of a numerous family ?
Because the wit must be apparent (a Parent) lo you all.
563.	Why is the occurrence of a fracas in the 6treet like night?
Because it brings out the " stars."
564> Why is the grand Conundrum night like every other occasion on which Professor Anderson has performed before the public ?
Because he is then benefited by his ' wits.'
565.	Why is a lady having her hand squeezed by her sweet-heart,--like the editorial fraternity?
Because she loves the " press "-sure.
566.	Why is Professor Anderson, when he leaves the Hall to-night, like a demented man ?
Because he and his "wits" have parted.
567.	Why is an iron smelter like a man turning a herd of swine out of an enclosure?
Because he is turning out the pigs."
568.	Why is intervention for non-intervention like a continued debauch ?
Because either of them affects the Constitution.
569.	Why is Metropolitan Hall to-night, like a dreadful accident f
Because it's a Dollar-ous affair;
570.	Why are the leaves in autnnm like the Professor's agent ?
Because they're all (Hall) Wiltin (Wilton).
571.	What musical term would a musical man make use of, while looking at the fast horses on the 3d Avenue 1
Too forte (2,40).
572.	Why is a prudish girl like the " noblest of birds?"
Because she will not stoop to " carry on" (carrion).
573.	if a man wants to raise the water of a river, what profane sentence would he use!
I dam—you rise (your eyes).
574.	Who is the greatest female linguist ?
Polly-glot.
575.	Why is a discarded lover of Miss Aun Hill, like the greatest invention of the present age ?
Because he's an Ann-Hill-hater/Annihila-tor).
576.	Why is a ship at sea important to . fishermen ?
Because it's a-float.
577.	Why was the Kossuth correspond-
4
ence on board the United States frigate, the greatest correspondence on record f
It was Long in contemplation, and extended the entire length of the Mississippi.
578.	Why is Louis Napoleon like a robber of the forest ?
Because he wakes, in dead of night, the slumbering social-list, cuts down their onward press, strangles trees-on in the the bud, suits (shoots) the people, and from each prostrate victim forces off a crown.
579.	Why will you derive the same profit from being engaged in a conundrum, that you would from a course of trainiug in a well disciplined school ?
Because, although it is necessary that yo(u) be rigidly N-closed at the outset, in order that U may gain a good standing in letters, yet before U leave, Uwill not fail tp be visibly M-ended.
580.	Why is the earth like democracy in France !
Because it has lost its sphere by becoming flat at the poles (polls);
581.	Why is Professor Anderson, as the Great Wizard in New York, like Louis Napoleon in France ?
Because he endeavors to succeed by deceiving the people.
582.	Why is the moon, when she is full, like the inhabitants of the state of Maine ?
Because she is deprived of her horns.
583.	Why is Professor Anderson like a reformed drunkard, '' clothed in his right mind?"
Because, by surrendering his cups, he. has rendered a good service to the wits.
584.	What song should the winner of the second prize sing, on receiving the same from Professor Anderson ?
" My friend and Pitcher
585.	Why is Professor Anderaon like a certain god of a nation in Asia ?
Because he's the people's idol Juggernaut, (Jug or not) or prize or not.
586.	Why is the winner of the $250 prize like a man with a mauia potu ?
Because, in receiving the goblet, he has lost his wit.
587.	Why are the competitors for the first prize like elderly ladies at an evening party?
Because they all wish the tea-set.
588.	Who is supposed to be the merriest music vender in New York?
Mr. Jollie.
589.	Why is this Hall like Bedlam ?
Because there are many persons present
who never had any wit, while others have parted with all they had,for the enticing cups.
590.	Why is the appparance on the stage of Lola Montez consistent with her political principles, and support of (her so-called father) King Ludwig against the Jesuits ?
Because she puts her" foot" down for the leg-itimate pas, aad rejects this " long robes" in toe-toe.50	gentlemen's
591.	Why is Thomas H. Benton like a tumble-bug?
Becanse, " solitary and alone be set the ball in motion."
592.	Why is Kossuth like a female child of an equine phlebotomist?
Because he is like'the " daughter of the horse-leech, ever crying, Give, Give."
593.	Wore your dog to prescribe for the fever and ague, what treatment ought you to expect?
Canine, (quinine) of course, w(h)ine, and bark?
594.	Why is a little dog's tail 1 ke a continued advance in the price of stocks?
Because the tendency is upward.
595.	Why is your house dog like your maternal parent afflicted with the chronic rheumatism ?
Because he's your ma-stiff!
596.	Why is Professor Anderson a greater necromancer than the famous Midas of classic story ?
Because what he touches not only turns to gold, but he produces wit from the brains of the ASS's (literary) without ass-imulating either with them, or his illustrious prototype, in John Donkey-ism."
597.	Why is Louis Napoleon like a ,c rara avis" among royal birds?
Because he is a compound of a black, (in-grate) silly goose, the hawk and buzzard, the jackdaw in eagle's feathers, and the miserable bustard, (bastard) altogether a foul bird, soiling the " imperial" nest.
59W. Why nhould the successful competitors for Professor Anderson's prizes regard him as their friend when he treats them as bad members of society ?
Because, by " Black''-" Ball"-ing them, he renders them decidedly a good "service.''
599.	How has Mr. Anderson shown his ability to evade all laws to prevent intemperance ?
By an ardent desire to infuse into us a spirit of emulation, he has caused us to become intoxicated with the excitement produced by empty cupB and goblets.
600.	Why is Professor Anderson's won-ful bottle like the cause of the Hungarian champions?
Because it contains spirits that animates the hearts of all, and while it is a complete whole, it practically explains that intervention can be carried out.
601.	Why was the late verdict in the great divorce case, like a gentle breeze?
Because it makes a (Forrest) murmur.
602.	Why is Horace Greeley like Lola Montez ?
Because he bears a comical reputation, and they are both at war with the Jesuits.
603.	Why was Kossuth, ou the night of his arrival- in New York, like the defendant in & recent divorce suit?
Because he was anxious (For-rest.)
conundrums.
604.	Why are the advocates of Land Re*-form like wounded soldiers ?
Because every man expects to get a patch-
605.	Why is the winner of the first priz& like the officers and crew of the vessels sent by America, in search of Sir John Franklin?
Because they are both proud of their service.
606.	Why has an omnibus, always outside passengers?
Because there are felloes on the wheels.
607.	Why should a chimney sweep be a most happy man ?
Because his business soots (suits) }}im.
608.	Why is the King of Bavaria like a ruined gambler?
Because he lost his only crown at a game of monte (Montez.)
609.	Why is Bishop Hughes like a bootblack ?
Because he is inclined to darken people's understandings.
610.	Why is the present proposal of Professor Anderson like a noted passage irt' Scripture ?
Because " many are called, but few are chosen."
611.	Why is the Czar of Russia like a white Bear ?
Because he left Polerand to attack Hungary, and is at present growliug at Turkey.
612.	Why is Professor Anderson like a. low pressure 6team engine?
Because he gets up steam by our immense Wilton blowers.
613.	Why is Edwin Forrest like the late Sulton of Turkey?
Because he is inclined to sack his wife.
614.	Why is Bishop Hughes like Sir John Franklin ?
Because he is in search of a passage to & vacant See.
615.	Why is Prof. Anderson like the late-Common Council ?
Because he . fills his pockets by bamboozling the public, and closes proceedings wilb a gas contract.
616.	Why is Ned Forrest like Sampson?
Because his wife has cut his (wed) lochr
and left him bound in the'hands of the Philistines.
617.	Why was Charles O'Conor, in the late Forrest trial, like a buffalo,?
Because he crushed Flowers, trampled on Underwood, and pitched into Forrest.
618.	Why are the most heroic soldiers like the fourteen Bloomer ladies who signed the late " Appeal to the Public" ?
Because they are " ready to die" in th& breaches.
019. Why is a man filling a tick like a certain well known abolitionist before getting up?1
Because he's downing (Downing) a-bed.
620. Why should the first expression of a blind man, when he has recovered his-sight, be characterized by coldnesB ?gentlemen's
Because it would be icy (I see).
621.	Why is the least valuable coin of the United Slates, when shipped to England, like a foreign ambassador ?
Because it is one cent (sent) away from home.
622.	Why is Prof. Anderson like the winner in a game of euchre ?
B»cause he succeeds entirely by his tricks.
623.	Why does Prof. Anderson resemble a quantity of pickled fruit ?
Because they are both specimens of nature's handiwork, preserved for the gratification of maukind.
624.	Why is the present Governor of Mississippi, (Henry S. Foote) in one particular, the most plain and democratic of any Governor in the Union ?
Because he invariably travels a Foote (a-foot.)
625.	Why is John Brougham in Hamlet Travestie similar to a gambling table ?
Because he is an inimitable, (an enemy table.)
626.	Why is the next Presidency similar to Professor Auderson's Inexhaustible Bottle, having filled a few glasses ?
Because it is entitled to fill more (Fillmore).
627.	Why is the heart like time ?
Because we are not sensible of its value
until we feel its loss.
628.	When and how did Professor Anderson imitate a benevolent act of the Turkish government ?
On New Year's |a6t, when he said to the poor of our city, If you are Hung(a)ry, come to me, and I'll prove that my heart is bread (bred) to meat (mete) out charity to my fellow man".
629.	Why are the men now engaged on a particular and exteusive branch of business, like the maidens of Israel at the fall of Jerusalem ?
Because they are whaling (wailing).
630.	Why is Professor Anderson like a roguish shopkeeper ?
Because he cheats you out of your sense (cents).
631.	Why is the successful gentleman this evening justly entitled to the prize?
Because his write (right) is best.
632.	Why is a rejected lover like a weather cock ?
Because it may be considered vain (vane) to aspire (aspire).
633.	What is the latitude and longitude of Geniu's hat store?
Its latitude is so far north, the polar bear caunoi exist by a thousand, and the longitude so remote that the term a Kossuth hat lasts, the owner has never ascertained to the satisfaction of the public.
634.	Why is the Astor Place Opera House like Phillips' Fire Aunihilator I
conundrums.	51
Because its Annihilator may be attributed to its charge.
635.	Why is the American Museum like a liquor shop ?
Because its principal attraction at present is the bottle ?
636.	Why is a Humbug like Confirmation ?
Because it's an imposition on the people.
637> Why are Kossuth's intervention principles like ptckpockets ?
Because they are good in the abstract.
638.	Why is a " new fashion" like good sleighing ?
Because it? requires the cash, and brings out the " hell-es."
639.	Why is a homely woman like the Hungarian bonds?
Because the real value of the article is not shown upon the face.
640.	Why is the Collins Line like a simple problem in euclid ?
Because no line running in parallel direo tiou can possibly touch them.
641.	Which may be considered, at the present time, aB the most interesting picture in the Art-Union to its subscribers?
The drawing of the Lottery.
642.	Why would it be useless to play whist against the Professor ?
Because he is continually showing you odd tricks, and all the honors must be in his hand.
643.	Why do the burglars of New York (when caught) declaim against their hard and oruel fate ?
Because they can't help themselves.
641, What recent proof have we that Irishmen are good laborers ?
One of them (O'Conor) having only takea a few weeks to cut down a great Forrest.
645.	Why is the Constitution of the United States like the Electric Telegraph ?
Because it is founded on eternal principals, and is bound to spread Intelligence from Pole to Polk.
646.	Why is Professor Anderson like a church deacon ?
Because he solicits contributions with the plate.
547. Why is Kossuth's tearful expression, " My poor Hungary," like his hat ?
Because it is felt.
648.	Why is a man who works in a ooal mine like au evil spirit ?
Because he goes down to the pit.
649.	Why are our Congressmen like a man who is paid for eating his dinner ?
Because they get eight dollars a day for jawing.
650.	Why is the Wizard of the North a smarter aud a better man than Mr. Barnum ?
Because the Wizard annihilates care, if not fire, with less gas, while Mr. Barnum preaches Temperance, and at the same time advises the public te resort to th^Bottle.GENTLEMEN^S
CO^UNDlfeUMS.
651.	Why is a borrowed dollar, when paid, like the letters E R 7
Because it is returned.
652.	Why was the republic of France like Samson of o!d ?
Because by indulging in a Nap it was ehorn of its glory and strength. . 653. Why is it an absurdity that Mr. and Mrs. Forrest can be divorced ?
Because they are both still living in the United States.
654.	Why is a drunkard's fervent wish like the President of the United States ?
Because it is always Fill-more.
655.	Why was the yacht America like the ]ate British Act of Parliament against Popish titles ?
Because it staggered and took the conceit out of a Bull.
656.	Why is the Empetor of, Austria more fond of flesh than of fowl ?
Because the limb of a Bear satisfied his Hungary appetite and gave him pleasure, but the wings of a Turkey caused him pain, and flew away to the stars with his ravenous longings.
657.	Why did Lola Montez become a legitimist after the French Revolution of 1648?
Because she was withheld (Heald) from liberty by a love of law and order.
658 When is a beautiful woman most dangerous to man ?
When the critter (crater) sparks to set every lover who approaches ner iu a blaze.
659.	Why is P. T. Barnum an enemy to th6 morals of the people?
Because he manages a perpetual run for The Bottle at the Museum.
660.	Why is the American Art Union, of this city, like a poor blister ?
Because the drawing is a long time in raising a bubble.
661.	Why is the departure of Kossuth from this city like the remains of a goose?
Because he has left his feathers behind him.
662.	Why ought the Aldermen of this city to be arrested as counterfeiters ?
Because they make four dollars before tea, (Be forty.)
663.	Why is Professor Anderson like a suitor demised ?
Because he has got his walking papers.
664.	Why were the parties of a recent divorce case in this city like a poisonous plant?
Because the Flower that was culled in the Forrest Underwood was not from Sin clear, (Sinclair.)
665.	Why is Kossuth like Sinbad the Sailor ?
Because he has escaped the leap of the Leopard, the embrace of a Bear, has visited a moon, been with safety in a lion's den, and at last finds protection and shelter under the wings of the Eagle.
666.	Why is the verdict of the jury in the late divorce" case like the Christian Sabbath?
Because it set apart for rest, (Forrest.)
667.	Why were the charges alleged against the lady in the late divor6e case like light from the heavens at night ?
Because they were the reflections of & star.
668.	When did John Bull first draw iu his horns?
When he saw the impetuosity of our American Steers.
669.	Why is Prof. Anderson like a cork screw ?
Because he draws out that, which were it not for him, would have remained Where it was.
670.	Why is P. T. Barnum like a drunkard?
Because for his first choice he took a large draft of Gin in (Genin) worth some hundreds of dollars.
671 Why are the competitors in Metri-politan Hall like a person sitting for a daguerreotype ?
Because they hope to make an impression for the plate by which they may be known.
672.	Why is woman like virtue ?
Because it becomes her.
673.	Why are the American Women superlative of the World's Fair ?
Because they are the World's Fair-est.
674.	Why is Prof. Anderson's magic bottle like William E. Burton ?
Because they both keep large Audiences in a constant flow of good spirits.
675.	Why is a Lady like a Loafer?
Because she is no Gentleman.
676.	In what part of Holy Writ is the fabulous Cents Hr recognized*?
Where the Head of John the Baptist came in on a Charger.
677.	Why is thq Wizard Anderson^ giving his unrivaled entertainments, like the great Hungarian addressing the multitude ?
Because both wield a magic influence over their audiences.
678.	Why is the Wizard of the North, like the great Original L. Jacobs, 102 Chatham street ?
Because both have u host of imitators.
679.	Why.hasthe late Mrs. Forrest taken to the stage, instead of living quietly on her alimony?
Because she is no longer For-rest.
660. What kind of a Doctor was Haman?
A High-drop-athisL
Cell. What kind of animal soup is made out of vegetable ?
Cat-sup.
682.	Why is man like an oyster?
Because he is shell-fish, and often gets
into a stew.
683.	Why is an elephant like a tree?
Because they both depend for sustenance
on their trunks.gentlemen'S
CONUNDRUMS-
684.	Why is a pleasant lady like a tea-
BppOO?
Because she ia in-tea-resting (interesting).
685.	Why is Edwin Forrest like a bankrupt merchant?
Because he held out as long as he could, and then failed.
686.	Why is a man's thoughts, when suffering with gout in the foot, like a city in Portugal ?
Because they are of O-poor-toe, (Oporto).
687.	Why is the Kentucky Giant like a celebrated American writer ?
He is a long-fellow (Longfellow).
688.	What number denotes both male and female ?
Sex—the Latin name for six.
689.	Why is a man in want of money, like a baker making up dough ?
Because he needs (kneads) it.
690.	Why is a person eating a hearty meal, like a certain fatal disease?
Because he is given to consumption.
691.	Why is a burglar, effecting an entrance into a house, like the nominative case of nouns ?
He is acting upon a door (do-er).
692.	Why was the government of the United States, in 1844, like a vicious cow ?
Because it was given to Polk (poke).
693.	Why is a person, going up stairs, like another casting up accounts?
Because he foots-it-up.
694.	Why is Professor Anderson like the devil?
Because he is the great deceiver.
695.	Why is the Temperance Alliance like an evening parade ?
Because it has a Torch light.
696.	What is the crowning feat of magic?
Professor Anderson's silver prizes.
597. Why should an auctioneer be a man of an unprepossessing countenance ?
Because he is naturally for-bidding.
698.	Why is an impossibility like a black cow?
Because it cannot be done (dun).
699.	Why is the destruction of life greater in winter than in summer ?
Because there is more sleighing (slaying).
700.	Why does the credit of the City Bank depend entirely upon the life of its present President?
Beeause, without him, it would be Worthless.
701.	Why is a friend of liberty and Kossuth, like one who thinks highly of Pro£ Anderson ?
Because he thinks much of her, and-her-8on, (Herr Anderswi.)
702.	Why is Thurlow Weed like a great city?
Because he is Seward (sewered,) all over
703.	Why did the Hungarians live on Kossuth during the revolution?
Because he was the Chief of their Diet.
704.	Why is a grocer's clerk like a pact of a well-built house?
Because he is a sub-cellar, (sub-seller.)
705.	Why is the French nation lilt© a person with a broken Jimb ?
Because she has got a bone apart, (Bonaparte.)
706.	Why is the lady that wins Anderson's first prize, like Mr. Tripler ?
Because she makes a magnificent haul, (hall.)
707.	In what gender do you place the Wizard of the North, when you speak of him?
In the feminine gender. Because you say Professor And-Aer-son, (Anderson.)
708.	What is the difference between Governor Kossiith and a Yankee-Hungarian t
Kossuth governs by his head, but the other covers his head with Kossuth's hat.
709.	Why is a Conundrum like the trophies of a battle.
Because they are generally cannons and drums.
710.	Why were ladies promenading and crossing Broadway during the thaw, like Mrs. Forrest's trial ?
Because they presented many curious developments, and were closely observed by the gentlemen.
711.	Why has New York, for the la$t few days, been like Waterloo after the great battle?
Because it has been a scene after the sleigh-en.
712.	Why is Prof. Anderson more worthy to be honored than Kossuth ?
Because he is the only real great magician, (Magyar sign,) for the poor Hungary, an' relieving them without the help of Turkey, by changing their spirits with his mqgio bottle.
713.	Why would Mrs. Sinclair,. (Mrs. Forrest,) make one of the best lumber dealers in the city ?
Because she receives some of the best productions of the Forrest.
714.	Why are the gold mines of California like the Croton water Reservoir ?
Because it contains some of the most valuable quarts, (quartz,) for the benefit of mankind.
715.	Why ia a person returning from the mines of California like a certain ruler who reigned in Jerusalem ?
Because he was a miner, (minor.) Josiah was eight years old when he began to reign, and he reigned in Jerusalem 31 years.
716.	Why is Professor Anderson the most kind hearted and liberal man in existence ?
Because he loveis (loaves) so many of his fellow creatures, and gives lour pounds (4£) to every one he me eta (meats.)
717.	Why is a stage actress like an angel I54	gentlemen's
Because we never see one but what is painted.
718.	To what article dow in use cau you compare a loafer sitting on a curbstone ?
A gutter percher.
719.	Why are the competitors here tonight like the present Common Council ?
Because they go in for the cups and a tea-set I
720.	Why is the New York Herald like the Patent Office at Washington ?
Because it contains many worthless and unreliable inventions.
721.	Why is Gov. Kossuth like a young infant?
Because he requires ilfa-terial aid.
722.	Why is a woman with twins like a sentinel on duty ?
Because she goes with loaded arms.
723.	Why is the author of the best conundrum on this occasion like the New York •Ship Carpenter at the World's Fair ?
He not only gains the Silver Plate, but surpasses all competitors.
724.	Why is Counsellor O'Conor like a woodman's axe ?
Because he has cut down a Forrest.
725.	Why are persons striving for the Professor's prize, exactly opposite in their desires when striving for ihe prize of membership of a society ?
Because in the first instance they are anxious to be black-ball'd (Ball, Black & Co.), and in the other they are fearful of being so.
726.	Why is the Wizard of the North like P. T. Barnum 7
Because both are coining money from frequently producing " The Bottle."
727.	Why are the ladies assembled here to-night like a couple ready to be married ?
Because they are only waiting for the service.
728.	Why is our country in immediate danger of the union of Church and State?
Because one Parson Means (one person means) he will be President.
729.	Why i? Kossuth like a man who has just had a good dinner?
Because he is satisfied with Turkey, and he is now far from hungry (Hungary.)
730.	Why is Louis Napoleon, President of Franoe, like a contemptible he-goat ?
Because of his butting at every one; the long beard at his chin ; and his political stench.
731.	When does a man appear like a common ball I
When he looks 'rouud.
732 Why is thunder like an onion?
Because it comes peal on peal.
733.	Why is the U. S. Senate like a celebrated manufactory of ChiuaWare?
Because muoh of its fame is owing to the quality of its Clay.
734.	Why does Kossuth appear inconsistent and fickle.
CONUNT>R"tfMS.
Because, though with wonderful eloquence he claims assistance from all civilized nations, he will accept from the Uuited States alone (a loan.)
735.	Why does Professor Anderson resemble the ladies of New York ?
Because they puzzle mankind with their magic arts, and their charms and ' services' invite the attention of all.
736.	Why is Professor Anderson like an illustrious martyr to Freedom ?
Because he has endeavored to render substantial aid to the hungry (Hungary.)
737.	Why cannot Kossuth be called an epicure ?
Because he left Tnrkey to get hungry, (Hungary.)
738.	Why is Peter Solomon, the clothes dealer in Chatham street, like a mythological divinity ?
Because he is the Jew-Peter (Jupiter.)
739.	Why are James Jones and myself alwaystaken for twins, when we are together!
Because it is Jim-and-I (Gemini.)
740.	What was the form of message when Napoleon refused the Austrian overtures for peace ?
He gave for reply, Marshal Ney (Nay.)
741.	Why are the rejected Conundrums of to-night like truant church-goers?
Because they lose the service, and contribute nothing for the Plate.
742.	Why are the successful conundrum writers like two parents with two children?
Because they each have won (one).
743.	Why is a gun like Professor Anderson's j ury ?
Because they are charged and then discharged.
744.	Why are the Wall street bankers and brokers not to be trusted?
Because they are the moBt changeable persons in the country.
745.	Why is a man going up stairs taller and larger than when he is at the top or bottom ?
Because he is a moun-tain.
746.	Why is the person who wins the plate like a piece of wet ground ?
He must have a ready (reedy) wit.
747.	When is an old, decayed tooth like an important personage?
When it is a king.
748.	Why is Professor Anderson like a government without a head ?
Because he is without a precedent.
749.	Why is a young man who kisses a young lady twice, a riddle maker ?
Because he makes a re-buss.
750.	Why is a young man who marries a peerless rioh young lady, like a man who keeps a retail liquor establishment?
Because they both have a bargain (bargain-)
751.	In what part of Germany and Belgium are the people noted as lovers of pork (gentlemen's
conundrums.
Those who live in Brussels and on the Rhine.
-752. Our distinguished friend, Professor Anderson : what beast does he most resemble, and why?
The Lion of the Forrest, now both exhibiting in Broadway, attracting thousands.
753.	When could the British Empire be purchased for the lowest sum ?
When Richard the Third offered his king-•dom for a horse.
754.	Why did Mr. O'Conor (in the late divorce case) appear to be an advooate for improvement and civilization ?
Because he strove to fell the Forrest, annihilate the Underwood, and to make the Flowers conspicuous.
755.	Why is Professor Anderson like any celebrated physician ?
Because ho administers to the senses of feeling, hearing, fasting and seeing.
756.	Why did Professor Anderson establish for himself, on the first day of January, a credit that needs no recommendation ?
Because '«he that gives to the poor lend-eth to the Lord."
757.	Why should the wardens of prisons 'not allow the prisoners butter ?
Because it is apt to make them break out.
758.	Why is Professor Anderson like Joseph, the steward of Pharaoh ?
Because he dealt out food to the famished.
759.	Why are the, feats of Professor Anderson like the feats of the immortal Wallace?
Because they astonish the world ?
760.	Why is Professor Anderson's heart like the Metropolitan Hall this evening!
Because it is full of humanity.
761.	Why are the ladies who are obliged to cross Broadway about these days like a farmer going to a cattle-show ?
Because they are striving to show the big-est calf.
762.	What has been proved to be an impossibility ?
To keep an uproar house in A-merry-key.
763.	If a hog, with a ring in his nose, could speak, what term in geometry would he be likely to utter?
See-my-circle.
764.	Why is Broadway like Hungary?
Because there is the place where they are
puttiDg down the Rues.
765.	What kind of pets are the most use-fifl , yet the most abused ?
Car-pets. They spits on 'em, and then they hires Niggers to take 'em out paid shake and beat 'em.
76.6 Why is a decayed tooth like ail old latch key ?
Because it is a sort of a-key.
767. Why is a very red head of hair Jike a very old railroad car?
It is car-roted.
V
768. When does a lady present the most soldier-like appearance?
When she has a hanger-on.
769i Why does a lady, on paying too much for a new bonnet, think it like her little baby ?
She thinks it a little dear.
770.	What state of mind must a man be in to like a bird of prey ?
A raven.
771.	Why is Kossuth like a good shoemaker ?
Because he lasts well aud waxes strong, he is the soul of honor, and is boiind to his country by the strong tie of patriotism and sincere love of liberty ; he is also willing to give his all for the freedom of his country, and by so doing hopes to give the Austrians and Russians fits.
772.	Why are the Bloomers like brave soldiers storming artTort?
Because they go in breaches (breeches).
773.	Why is the Emperor, Nicholas of Russia, and the King of Austria, like the man that was cheated in bad poultry ?
Because they were deceived in Turkey.
774.	Why are the competitors for the prizes, to-night, like light half dolIarB ?
Because they want the silver.
775.	Why is leap-year like the append-. age on the side of a John donkey's head 1
Because it is one of the long y-ears (ears).
776.	Why was Washington like Kossuth ?
Because they both led Hung(a)ry. men to
battle for their country's cause.
777.	Why are the whole audience like Professor Auderson ?
Each give their presents (presence).
778.	Why are two lovers like a locomotive tender ?
Because it is a tender and warm attachment.
779.	If a celebrated general is made President of the United Slates, how will
be the first foreigner ever elected to that ,1S office ?	h'gh
Because he is a " Scott."
780.	Why is a spider in the pursuit of a fly like the Secretary of State ?
Because it makes a Web-sti(e)r.
781.	Why are the splendid prizes given bv Professor Anderson this evening, like the welcome to Louis Kossuth by our government at Washington 1
Because they were first moved and laid upon the table.
782.	Why is death by the guillotine a profit (prophet ?)
Because it is an easy kill (Ezek'el.)
783.	Why was Noah the greatest architect as well as ship builder of his day ?
Because he built the only arcade (ark-aid) that withstood the flood.
784.	Why did Egyptians show a propensity for gambling afLer death ?£6
GENTLEMEN'S CONUNDRUMS.
Because they pot faro (Pharaoh) tables in the tombs of their kings.
785.	Why is an innocent lamb like a sporting man at the Union course?
Because it gambols (gambles) in the field.
786.	Why is a good houbewife greater than the Secretary of State?
Because she raises a web-stir (Webster) every Saturday.
787.	Why were there no men before the deluge?
Because the people were all ouniy-delu-vians (Anti-deluvians.)
788.	Why do Prof. Anderson's performances belie his first promises?
Because he promised diablerie, while in the performance he has no dabler-he (diablerie.)
789.	Why do the Professor's paying visitors see his performances for nothing ?
Because they see e&h of them great is. (gratis.)
790.	Why were the Crusaders humbugs ?
Because most of them turned out palmers, (Palmere.)
791.	Why is Jenny Li nd no lady?
Because she is really a Lind-ie-man.
792.	When is a donkey like a quack ?
When he turns to mouvt-a-bank (mountebank.)
793.	Why is the Wizard like the sun?
Because he sends a Wilt-on (Wilton) before him.
794.	Why is war good for the drama ?
Because it produces Shake-spears.
795.	Why is a path over a field like a poet?
Because it is a by-run, (Byron.)
796.	Why is the Emperor Nicholas the weakest of despots ?
Because his only Bupport is rushy-y, (Russia.)
797.	Why is a curious wife like an archbishop ?
Because she is a pry-mate, (Primate.)
798.	When is a man a vegetable without being beat ?
When he turns to cull a flower, (cauliflower.)
799.	When does a gentleman exhibit insanity at a dinner ?
When he chews his drink, (chooses drink.)
800.	Why can Rothschild treat his friends without expense ?
Because he is worth a mint and always has two Jew-lips (juleps) ready made.
801.	Why is Louis Napoleon like the legs of a pawnbroker's counter ?
Because he is the counterfee(i)t of his nncle.
802.	"Why are the speeches of the Hon. Daniel Webster like a modest widow f
They attend to the husbandman's rights (husband-man's rites), appear in morning (mourning) prints, steel (steal) the mind of,
and are a-ble (a belle) among men, are read (red) with attention, will never be a-miss, and are in favor of home protection" "union," and the "United States."
803.	Why is Professor Anderson a great friend to opticians ?
Because he has given the public a number of mysterious sore eyes (Mysterious Soirees).
804.	Why are the competitors, in trying to win the prize given by Professor Anderson, like a party to be given by a youug lady ?
Because there will be 6ome (miss in it) missing it (missimit).
805.	Why is Professor Anderson like a railway engine ?
Because he can draw a crowd.
806.	Why will the passage of the Maine Temperance Law by the Legislature, bless every wife of a brutal husband ?
Because it will render it more difficult for him to lick her (liquor).
807.	Why has Genin'B establishment alone reached the top round of popularity ?
Because no other similar establishment can get fur there (further).
808.	Why has Genin, the hatter, succeeded in business to his heart's content ?
Because he's got fur (far) enough for all his purposes.
809.	Why ought Genin to set up the cooper business ?
Because the public like his fur, canes, (firkins) and that Bort of thiDg.
810.	What tree is that which, imitating a dog, is never affected by the seasons, and never bears fruit or foliage ?
A whiffle tree.
811.	Why is Professor AndersonHie best cook in New York ?
Because he can boil pigeons alive.
812.	WTiy is Liberty in France, under Louis Napoleon, like a pig swimming down a river with tide and current in its favor f
It cuts its own throat.
813.	Why is the lady who makes the best conundrum this evening, like one who leads in the dance ?
Because she claims the first set.
814.	Why is Professor Anderson like Kossuth, and unlike the Emperor of Austria?
Because he gave a liberal Diet to Hungry men, and when they were inclined to meat (meet), did not confine them to Turkey.
815.	What comparison does the jury in the Forrest trial bear to weary persons retiring to bed ?
They cast for rest (Forrest).
816.	Why is the Wizard of the North like the spring of the year f
Because when he comes, he is always welcome. Though he stays but for a season, he I delights us with the wonders which hegentlemen's
CONTTNDKUMa.
spreads before us, and when he departs, he leaves a grateful sense of his bounty behind him; and as we shall all rejoice to welcome back the spring, so shall we also hail with pleasure the return of the Wizard, of the North.
817.	Why is the Metropolitan Hall, during Professor Anderson's entertainments, like the letter U ?
Because it is the centre of FUN".
818.	Why is Daniel Webster like the coat of arms of Great Britain ?
With his lion face he leans to the Crown, and winks at the Unicorn, and adjusts matters with the Bull satisfactory to both nations.
819.	Why is the celebrated tragedy of the Gladiator like a'spriug morning ?
Because the music of a bird echoes through a forest.
820.	Why is Mrs. Catherine Sinclair like the eagle ?
Because she soars above the Forrest.
821.	W~hy is Metropolitan Hall, like a handsome girl at a ball ?
Because it attracts the attention of all.
822.	Why is a pearl like a ship frozen in the Artie Sea ?
Because it can't be got at without ice-stirs (oysters).
823.	Why Kossuth like a starving man rising without assistance?
He is a Hung(a)ry man geting up a lone (alone).
824.	Why was Kossuth and his party, after having crossed the mountains of Pennsylvania, like a Tailor at work on his board 1
Because they .crossed the All-Ieg-and-knees. (Alleghanies).
825.	Why is Kossuth's hat like the capitol of the sons of the free and of the brave at Washington ?
Because it is the " Caput-hole'' (Capitol) of a free and of a brave man.
826.	Why is Louis Napoleon Bonaparte like a maggot in a diseased quarter of meat, that has been previously cured ?
He was a prisoner in Ham.
827.	Why are Louis Napoleon Bonaparte's Generals like the thigh bone of a dead hog?
Because they are confined in Ham.
828.	Why is Louis Napoleon's Coup de Etat like "SWartwout's" escape from New York to France ?
Because he did an injury to the Republic.
829.	Why does the Emperor of Austria resemble Queen Victoria during the time of famine in Ireland ?
Because they aro both sovereigns of the (Hungry'uns) Hungarians.
830.	Why is the pan of a stove like Westminister Abbey ?
Because it receives the asheB of the grat'e
831.	Why is Professor Anderson the greatest philanthropist of the age ?
Because, while others were pleading Hungary, he was feeding hnngry.
832.	Why are certain New York lawyers interested in Professor A.ndorson's distribu-tion'of plate?
Because there is more than one " Cutting " after it, but " Lord knows who'll'' get it.
833.	Why is Professor Anderson like the perpetual motion?
Because he is the most wonderful and yet the undiscovered secret of the age.
834.	Why is Professor Anderson like Louis Napoleon ?
Because both are adepts at simulation, and cheat the people, even while they banish Thiers (tears.)
835.	What is the highest personal benefit the people of New York have received from honoring Kossuth ?
That of its being a feather in their cap.
836.	Why is a Vender of Lottery Tickets like the Chief Justice of New York ?
Because he is a Chance-Seller (Chancellor.)
837.	Why is Professor Anderson like a pair of new boots?
Because he is whole souled.
838.	As a musical party were dining witb a friend, the other day, some confusion was created by one of the waiters, while passing a dish, knocking a very important part from a favorite pitcher. What was most natural for the host to say under the circumstances?
Gentlemen, now that handle (Handel) is gone, let us endeavor to compose ourselves !
839.	Why is Lola Montez's ex-manager like the farmer that could not succeed in getting his cattle under shelter ?
He tried to Barn-um (barn 'em) bat failed.
840.	Why is an elephant like a French bedstead?
Because.neither can climb a Tree.
841.	Why have many of the English people become anti-Kossuth ?
Because they are so much behind the Times.
842.	When Daniel Webster regards the Presidential chair, what two wdrds would best express his feelings?
Mon-c/jcre.
843.	Why do so many people about these days wear hats with a feather ?
Because they have forgotten their national Liberty caps.
844.*Why	are the Cunard Steamers, in the middle of the ocean, like a tipsy man ?
Because they are half-seas over.
845.	Why is the success of Kossuth's mission of less importance than the verdict of the jury in an action for divorce ?
Because the first only fixes the gate of a single nation, while the other settles a question of disputed Continence. (Continents.)
846.	Why are the prizes offered this even-58
gentlemen's conundrums.
ing, made more than twenty times smaller than they actually are ?
Because they are limited to two (22.)
847.	Why is Frauce like a Christian Philosopher?
Because when she was smitten on the one cheek, she in the simplicity of her heart, held up Ihe other.
848.	Why is a passenger in a rickety Omnibus, like Louis Napoleon?
Because he is in a bad box.
849.	Why is Kossuth like a Family disease ?
Because he is undermining the Constitution of the House of Harpsburgh.
850.	What is it the two mighty conquerors will gain, which hundreds are trying the same and thousands with all of their aid cannot obtain ?
Anderson's prizes.
851.	Why is Professor Anderson like General Washington?
The remembrance of his good deeds will live beyond the grave, aiid his faults be unknown to as few as the mysteries of his art.
852.	To what being should the goddess of magic look with awe, and yet with maternal affectiou ?
To her master, andher-son (AndeiBon.)
853.	Why does Kossuth so strougly advocate the cause of freedom?
Because he is a descendant of S(c)Iaves, (slaves.)
854.	Why is the late divorce case like a large landed estate I
Because it brings to the reflective mind at one view, a Forrest with Underwood, and Flowers, a Couit, a Font-Hill, a Kay-mound, a Suy-dam (side-dam,) a Holly, a Burr, a Park«, (Godwin) a Bar, a Mill-bourne, a Longstreet, a Fountain, a Cabbage garden, (in the distance) Van Buren, a Kipp, Rob-bins, and Hawkes, an Eddy, Placide Brooks, a Craft, a Dike-man, a Cole-man, aud a Cheesemau ; and because, like a good estate, it yields the wife a third of the income, ($3,000 alimony.)
855.	Why is the Courier and Enquirer a good advocate for the Massachusetts candidate for the Presidency 1
Because it is making a Webb-stir in favor of the great Expounder.
856.	Why is the great Hungarian a good house-wife, an industrious mau, a friend of matrimony, an advocate of the tariff, and a calf!
Because he spoils the Webb, impnpves the Times (newspaper,) loves the United States, is opposed to foreign Casimir(ere), and is a Cow-shoot (calf.)
857.	Why is Mr. C. Edwards Lester a hard preacher, a friend of the spirits, a good grocer, a good farmer, a judge of letters, a man of taste, and a member of the bar ?
The whole is summed up in his evidence on the late trial: he' finds sermons in stones,'
ikes bran-D, (brandy,) is a good judge of it, ' never tasted belter in his lire.'
858.	What eater is it that rises at the coun-ter of an eating-house, without putting down the fare?
The thermom-eater.
859.	What old adage is fully exemplified in the opposition to Americau ingenuity at the world's fair?
Thai people who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
£60. Why was the late ice bridge on the East river, safe for the passers thereon ?
Because it was Sound ice, (ice of the Sound.)
861. Why should the merchants of New York be considered fond of music ?
Because they delight in drumming.
862§(What ton is it that has the most weight and is of the utmost importance to the people of this country ?
Washing-ton.
863Jn3y what mail would you send a letter that,you desired to go safe and in good order?
By a/e-male.
e^y what kind of a key was it that unlocked the vaunted locks of England, at the Chrystal Palace?
A Yan-kee.
865.	Why is the Wizard af the North like a good midwife?
Because by the aid of the Press he has assisted in the birth af a great Punster.
866.	What kind of American vegetation has lately been introduced into London and Paris ?
Albany weed. (Thurlow Weed is now on a European tour, wriling letters to this county-) .
867.	To what nation do people belong, who use the shovel and the hoe ?
To In-dig-nation.
868.	Why were the English people at the Great Exhibition like a whipped child fastened out of doors ?
Because they were be-beat and out-locked.
869.	Why is the plaintiff in the late divorce case doubly absolved from all guilt, or unfaithfulness to her husband?
Because she is from sin clear by law, and from Sin-clair (ear) by nature.
S70. What smith is it that is now getting up an excitement between England aud Ireland?
O'Brien Smith.
871.	What English peer of by-gone days is best remembered in his own and other hands?
Shaks-peare. Why was he liot a peer ? Because he was peer-less.
872.	Why is the Russian Bear not fond of good living?
Because he likes neither home-bred Turkey, English Palmerston Tarts, nor American Intervention Sauce.gentlemen's conundrums.
59
873.	What key is it that delights the recipients of gold from California?
The Chero-kee.
874.	Why are the jurors in the late divorce case not to be trusted as patriots ?
Because they are opposed to the,union.
875.	What tory pleased the nephew of his unole most after the result of his coup -d' etat?
His vic-tory.
876.	Who were the most important of Brother Jonathan's relations in his early years ?
JetFer-son, Madi-son, and Jack-son.
877.	What animal and street is fully represented in a favorite article of ladies' •dress?
Mouse-de-lane.
878.	What sea is it that is now about to wash the coasts and entire inland of the United States ?
The Presiden-cy.
879.	What kind of tan is highly approved of by Hungarian people ?
The Sul-tan.
880.	Why is the Senate of the United States like a shoe just put on I
Because it has a Foote in it.
881 vWhat chief is it that is often seen in Broadway, and receives the most marked attention from the ladies!
The handker-chief.
882. Why is a grate a great absurdity I
Because it is least cold, when it is most coaled. .
is Professor Anderson like a
locomotive ?
Because his pufls have effect, and they draw the people.
884.	Why may England be oompared to the United States?
Because they have both loBt a President.
885.	What place is there in this city which may be compared to a mouse biting a hole in a stocking?
Nibble hose, (Niblo's.)
886.	Why
is a Scotchman drinking* at a tavern like a person who has made several unsuccessful attempts to see a certain cele> brated musical composer ?
Because he keeps calling for Meyerbeer, (Mair Beer.)
887.	Why
is Lola Montez, Countess of Landsfeldt, like the compromise measures ?
Because a failure in the execution of either, occasion chagrin to the supporters of the bills, and may with propriety be called a »tep backward in public opinion.
888.	Why are the majority of actors like Bhrubs in the woods ?
Because they are cast in the shade by the towering Forrest.
889.	Why will the Hon. member from Illinois be outstripped in the next Presidential election?
Because he is only a Walker, and the rest intend to run for it.
890.	Why do we know that it is Winter musically?.
Because there is a Hayes (haze) in th6 musical atmosphere, and the nightingale is no longer heard.
891.	Why are the profits of a dairy like the gold in California ?
Because they both come from the quarts, (quartz.)
892.	Why will it be impossible to ring a fire alarm on Professor Anderson's benefit night ?
Because all the belles (bells) will be present.
893.	Why is Bamum like the Croton T
Because he is the chief of the fire annihi-
lators.
894.	Why is Professor AndeTson on the present occasion like Jack Ketch prematurely anticipating a job ?
Because he exercises his fancy in neck-romance before the jury have agreed on their verdict.
895.	Why is Kossuth like a half-starved and infirm beggar?
Because he is a Hungary (hungry) man, who gladly receives assistance to enable him to re-establish his broken down constitution.
896.	Why are two ships coming in con-tact like two market-women who make a mutual exchange of their last chicken ?
Because they get a foul (a fowl) of each other.
897.	Why is Kossuth a man of bad taste in his eating ?
Because he prefers puffs in America to Turkey in Europe.
898.	Why is the Great Wizard like the sudden attack of a bear, with its lean and hungry whelps,upon a row of bee-hives?
Because he takes the beholders (the bee-holders) by surprise, and distributes a portion of what he gets from them to supply the wants of his poor and suffering fellow-men.
899.	Why did Kossuth show good taste in escaping to Constantinople, rather than to Poland or Russia?
Because as a Hungary (hungry) man he preferred Turkey to the Polish Diet, or Russian Bear.
900.	Why is the lady whose recent divorce case created such excitement among ps like an Iudian squaw, lodging at the As-Tor House ?
Because she no longer reposes in the bosom of her once loved Forrest.
901.	Why would you require a microscope to view the Aztec children ?
Because they are too diminutive creatures to be seen without it.
902.	Why is an Alderman setting out from home, to partake of a Christmas dinner, like Kossuth, and his co-patriots, when going into captivity ?60	gentlemen's
Because he has purposely left Hungary, to make a bold dash iuto Turkey.
903.	Why was the Patriarch Moses the most wicked man that ever lived ?
Because he broke all the commandments at once.
904.	Why is Kossuth like an American hunter ?
Because he wants a shot at the Great Bear.
905.	Why is Professor Anderson the greatest enemy to the Temperance Society ?
Because he deals out all sorts of liquor, to all sorts of people, from one bottle, gratuitously, and then offers them cups and goblets.
906.	Why is Prof. Anderson a greater Philosopher than Benjamin Franklin ?
Because he draws sparks of wit from a cloud of intellect with the sole magic of a silver wand.
conundrums.
907. Why should the above conundrum entitle the author to a prize?
Because silver is a baser metal than the coinage of the brain.
90b. Why is Queen Victoria like a very deaf woman ?
Because her hearing (Erin) is in had condition.
909.	Why is a candidate for Odd Fellowship, before he is initiated, like a candidate for these prizes ?
Because he has Ball, Black & Co., in his mind's eye.
910.	Why is Kossuth in a crowd like Louis Napoleon ?
Because he dreads the Preos.
911.	Why is George P. Fox, the Leader of Fashion, 333 Broadway, one of the greatest friends to the Maine Law of Temperance?
Because his greatest pride is to remove bad habits.
frW" The Conundrums will be read by Gilbeet S. Nixon, he having been selected by a committee for that purpose.CONUNDRUM—PERSONAL.
'Twas some time in the fall,
Perhaps in September, When I saw, on fence and wall, I cannot disreinember,
Th« magical words set forth, The Wizard of the North.
They haunted my mind By night and by day;
I endeavored to find
What the deuce was to pay,
By the magical words set forth—
But, all creation we in lu see the Wizard of the North.
Five months have passed away, 'Midst mirth and 'midst ftin;
And all the city now can say Twas the far-famed Anderson,
That caused each mouth to issue fbrth Those magical words, the Wizard of the North.
Now, why is the Magician
So famed in this great town—*
An excellent Physician, Of very great renown 1 (Do you give it up !)
Such a racking for wit! Such a Pun-ning Furore !
Even brains that were addled are worse than before.
The weak, the wise, (with not a few) of the Blund-rums,
Have helped to compile this book of Conundrums.
The welcome to Kossuth, the guest of the Nation,
Scarce excited a louder or wider sensation!
A Service of Silver for only a Pun !
'Tis the newest enterprise under the the sun!
And the persons who win will have made a good hit!
For words that will -pay are slill words of wit.
Respect for all wits and wise-men professing,
This pun I propound to all for their guessing:
The Fourth of July is the day for the boys,
Because 'tis the day for all sorts of noise!
Then why is this Book just the thing for their pockets ?
It is full of Crackers, Torpedos and Rockets!
iViwwrai.^He relieves our poor heads By his magical art9,
And pulls ou.....
From out-ear
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