t - F 5Be Bae en emt ey SES NIE RO IOI "of EPITAPHS @) Graveyard Humour and Eulogy % Compiled by a WILLIAM H. BEABLE ra 2% } ts 2 9 ts 2 7 ERs 2X Es Bare eae pcre pcg Mp Maoe ve eoHi 3H i ph ateves Totes a ow FEO eT eS ea eee pec, er wea!LIBRARY OF THE BEQUEATHED BY LAWRENCE T. ROYSTER, M: BD:BPIP Aris= es a ge See aeEr | Te Graveyard Humour & Eulogy Compiled by W. H, BEABLE NEW YORK THOMAS Y. CROWELL COMPANY Publishers~— Fa Se JUL? 253 co A = 3 % . : 4 \ fun ‘ eS ~~ ‘ - \ f 5 ‘ é ' Copyright 1925 Made and Printed in Great Britain at the Botolph Printing Works, Gate Street, Kingsway, W.C.2 oe le REED » hocTO THE HON. JOHN RELLSTAB Jupce or Tue U.S. Districr Courr or New Jersey, 1v Memory oF Forty Years’ UnBRoKEN FRIENDSHIPFirst published September 1925 Reprinted . . October 1925 Reprinted . . Fanuary 1927PREFACE Consiperinc the great interest taken in epitaphs, an interest that is shown by numerous articles from time to time in the Press, it is somewhat surprising that no general collection of British epitaphs has been published for many years. In past centuries the works of Weever, Stowe, Pettigrew and others, as well as occasional contributions on the subject by Dr. Johnson and other writers, as introductions to antiquarian and cognate articles, gave expression to, and met the demands of, the public interest in these memorials of the past. But these books, and even the more recent ones, have not only long since been out of print, but have also almost entirely disappeared from any other than the largest reference libraries, and are inaccessible to the general public. They were, moreover, written more for the student and the antiquarian than for popular reading. If, therefore, this collection does not exactly “fill a long-felt want,” it may at least prove of interest to many readers. I have drawn freely from the published examples of the writers referred to, from old books, magazines and periodicals, and from graveyards and other sources, while I am further indebted to many correspondents in all parts of the country for local specimens of obituary effusions. That so many epitaphs should, in spite of the gravity of the subject, find expression in humorous and even ludicrous verse, is somewhat extraordinary, but it hasPREFACE always been recognised that any collection of epitaphs must partake to a large extent, of a humorous character. I have not attempted to make the largest collection possible. ‘This book, however, contains many epitaphs not previously published, and is thoroughly representative, including British monumental inscriptions from the earliest period to the present time and of every type and character. A large number of epitaphs have been omitted for want of space, and these may, perhaps, be published later in another volume, to which I invite contributions from my readers. Won. Hy. Beastie. 58, Kirkstall Road, Streatham Hill, $.W. April, 1925.CONTENTS Axsout Eprrapus Ancient Eprrapus Curious Epirarus MiscELLANEOUS EPpITAPHs ~ se een | Faia ee = esABOUT EPITAPHSSconeme: a aananeitiiiia astaABOUT EPITAPHS “ Let’s talk of graves of worms and epitaphs.” —SuaxKesPzare. The hills Rock-ribbed and ancient as the sun ; the vales Stretching in pensive quietness between ; The venerable woods ; rivers that move In majesty, and the complaining brooks That make the meadows green ; and poured round all Old ocean’s gray and melancholy waste Are but the solemn decorations all Of the great tomb of man. More than two hundred generations of mortal men lie buried in this vast cemetery of land and ocean that we call the earth. Mountain and forest, jungle and steppe, and even the billows of the ocean are nature’s adornment of the habitations of the dead. Man has in every age set up memorials to those that “ slumber in its bosom.” Church- yards, cemeteries, pyramids, funeral galleries cut into rocks, catacombs, mounds, barrows all abound in every part. The meditation of the tombs has inspired our great / philosophers, poets and writers in all ages. Dante and | Shakespeare found in the graveyard the inspiration for ~ their greatest genius and some of the sublimest thoughts of more modern poets have been associated with the graveyard and the tomb. The study of epitaphs not only affords a panorama of moral and intellectual expression through the centuries, it is the historian’s fundamental guide to the story of the past. The funereal tablets of Persia, the pyramids and obelisks of Egypt, the monuments of Greece and the catacombs of Rome have unveiled the hidden mysteries 34 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY of long past centuries and dynasties. ‘The antiquarian makes his researches amid the “tombs of the Kings” and reveals the ancient splendours of past ages. In our own country, the monumental inscriptions on brass and stone, confined at first to the illustrious and great, contribute to the veneration in which we hold our venerable abbeys, cathedrals, minsters, and our ancient churches, and also have unique historical value. Nearly all our leading poets from Ben Jonson to Wordsworth have found some of their happiest expression in epitaphal eulogy. As to what constitutes, or should constitute an epitaph, there is considerable divergence of opinion. Weever, whose “ Funeral Monuments,” published three hundred years ago, is the first work on epitaphs in the English language, defines an epitaph as “a superscription either in verse or prose; or an astrict pithy diagram, written, carved, or engraven upon the tomb, grave or sepulchre of the defunct, briefly declaring, (and that, sometimes, with a kind of commiseration) the name, the age, the deserts, the dignitaries, the state, the praises both of body and mind, the good or bad fortunes in life, and the manner and time of the death of the person therein interred.” Sir William Dethick, Garter King of Arms, would have them confined, as was the ancient custom, to those eminent in public service or distinguished by extraordinary virtues and talents. He describes epitaphs as “inscriptions of writings, or the forms of ensigns, motts, or remembrances, engraved or fixed upon sepulchres, tombs or monuments, where the bodies of valiant and most worthy men have been buried.” Puttenham in the “Art of English Poesie” says that “an epitaph is but a kind of epigram only applied to the report of the dead person’s estate and degree, or of his other good or bad partes, to his commendation or reproach : and is an inscription such as a man may commodiously write or engrave upon a tombe in few verses, pithie, quickeand sententious, for the passer-by to peruse and judge upon without any long tariaunce: so as if it exceede the measure of an epigram, it is then (if the verse be corre- spondent) rather an elegy than an epitaph, which errour many of these bastarde rimers commit, because they be not learned, for they make long and tedious discourses, and write them in large tables to be hanged up in churches and chauncells over the tombes of great men and others, which be so exceeding long as one must have halfe a daye’s leisure to reade one of them, and must be called away before he come halfe to the end, or else be locked into the church by the sexton, as I myself was once served reading an epitaph in a certain cathedrall church of England. They be ignorant of poesie that call such long tales by the name of epitaphes; they might better call them elegies, as I said before, and these ought neither to be engraven nor hanged up in tables. I have seene them, nevertheless, upon many honourable tombes of those late times erected, which doe rather disgrace than honour either the writer or maker.” Dr. Johnson, according to Boswell, considered that “the writer of an epitaph should not be considered as saying nothing but what is strictly true; but that allowance must be made for some degree of exaggerated praise. In lapidary inscriptions a man is not upon his oath.” ‘The doctor was also of the opinion that an epitaph should be ** an inscription engraven on a tomb im honour of the person deceased.” Dr. Pettigrew, whose “Chronicle of the Tombs” published about 70 years ago, is the latest critical con- tribution on the subject says “‘ there are no specific rules to determine the formation of epitaphs, either with regard to their construction or as respects their contents, or the manner in which these shall be stated; it is, however, universally admitted that terseness of expression is an essential requisite. They may recount the virtues and glorious actions of the deceased, and hold them up for our imitation; and they may also narrate the descent ABOUT EPITAPHS 56 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Of the individual, and may mourn his loss. A moral or admonitory precept, too, may be conveyed. An epitaph should unquestionably be brief, and should combine beauty of expression with tenderness of feeling. All that is expressive of love, sorrow, faith, hope, resignation, and piety, should characterise an epitaph. It ought to be made almost exclusively applicable to the individual interred, and certainly not too long for remembrance. Its object is to record what is worthy of remembrance, and to excite sympathy in the beholder. True and genuine sorrow is never loquacious. In conveying consolation and admonition, it should have reference to the common Jot of all, and teach_us to look up from the grave to a higher sphere of existence.” Fuller, in his usual quaint style, speaking of epitaphs, says: “The shortest, plainest, and truest are the best. I say the shortest ; for when a passenger sees a chronicle written on a tomb, he takes it on trust some great man is there buried, without taking pains to examine who he is. I say also the plainest, for except the sense lie above ground, few will trouble themselves to dig for it.” Mr. W. Browning Smith expresses the opinion that while epitaph etymologically means strictly an inscription upon a tomb, “by a natural extension of usage the name is applied to anything written ostensibly for that purpose whether actually inscribed upon a tomb or not. ‘The most obvious external condition that suitability for mural inscription imposes is one of right limitation as to length. An inscription cannot in the nature of things extend to the proportions that may be required in an elegy.” It is certain that actual inscriptions on tombstones vary considerably from all these definitions, as the examples given in this book willshow. There are some as denunciatory as Most are eulogistic. There are a few that for beauty of poetical expression are unsurpassed in the English language and others that are as absurd and ludicrous as could be imagined. Most are highly reverential, but many are, intentionally or otherwise, decidedly humorous. ER RT eyAnagrams, acrostics and puns on names are quite frequent and often combined with lofty sentiment that ignores any incongruity. Kings and heroes, statesmen and warriors, poets and philosophers, receive their due meed of eulogy and sometimes denunciation; husbands set forth the merits and demerits of their deceased spouses, who equally express their opinions of the virtues or otherwise of their former partners. There are epitaphs we would choose for those we know; epitaphs we would perhaps like to have inscribed on our own tombstones. The earlier British epitaphs were almost entirely in Latin engraved on brass tablets and were usually confined to a statement of the name and rank of the deceased, preceded by the words “ Hic jacet.” They were, moreover, largely confined to those commemorative of Kings and Princes. In the 13th century French began to be used in writing epitaphs and most of the inscriptions to historical personages about that time are in that language and generally conclude with an urgent request for prayers for the departed. It was not until the time of Elizabeth that inscriptions were generally written in English and the brass tablet was superseded by the stone monument. They, moreover, assumed a distinct literary character and that on the Dowager Countess of Pembroke, attributed to Ben Jonson and given on another page, is one of the best known and most largely quoted in the language. By a natural extension of use the term epitaph also came to be applied to anything written ostensibly for that purpose whether actually inscribed on a tomb or not, and many of the best known epitaphs are merely literary memorials and find no place on sepulchral monuments. Such is one of the finest epitaphs in the English language, that by Milton on Shakespeare. “What needs my Shakespeare, for his honoured bones, The labour of an age in piled stones ? Or that his hallowed reliques should be hid ABOUT EPITAPHS 7GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Under a star-pointing pyramid ? Dear Son of Memory, great heir of fame, What need’st thou such weak witness of thy name ? Now in our wonder and astonishment Hast built thyself a life-long monument. For whilst, to the shame of slow-sounding art, Thy easy numbers flow ; and that each heart Hath, from the leaves of thy unvalued book, Those Delphic lines with deep impression took ; Then thou our fancy of itself bereaving, Doth make us marble with too much conceiving ; And so sepulchred, in such pomp dost he That kings for such a tomb would wish to die.” And another that by Pope on Sir Isaac Newton : ““ Nature and Nature’s laws lay hid in night : God said, Let Newton be! and all was light.” Pope, however, wrote several epitaphs that were actually inscribed on tombstones, the most famous being that on Mrs. Corbet given among the “ Ancient Epitaphs” in this volume. Dr Johnson also wrote some very beautiful English epitaphs, the following example being on Phillips, a musician :— “ Phillips, whose touch harmonious could remove The pangs of guilty power or hapless love : Rest here, distressed of poverty no more, Here find that calm thou gav’st so oft before : Sleep undisturbed within this peaceful shrine Till angels wake thee with a note like thine ! ” Ben Jonson was a prodigy of learning and literary energy. And he lived the strenuous London life, going everywhere and meeting everyone of note. He was the friend of Drayton, Donne and Chapman ; he was intimate at times with Bacon; and he was the loved “ master” of a bandABOUT EPITAPHS 9 of young poets which included Herrick and Suckling. Also he was the welcome guest of several noble families— the Sidneys, the Earl of Pembroke, and the Duke and Duchess of Newcastle. It was as a friend, and not merely as a courtly poet, that he wrote what is perhaps the most superb epitaph in the language, though it is also ascribed to Wm. Browne :— *“* Underneath this sable hearse Lies the subject of all verse, Sidney’s sister, Pembroke’s mother : Death! ere thou hast slain another Learn’d, and fair, and good as she Time shall throw a dart at thee. Marble piles let no man raise To her name for after days ; Some kind woman born as she, Reading this, like Niobe Shall turn mourner, and become Both her mourner and her tomb.” Benjamin Franklin devised this quaint conceit for his own tombstone :— The Body of BENJAMIN FRANKLIN printer (like the cover of an old book, Its contents torn out, And stripped of its lettering and gilding) Lies here food for worms ; Yet the work itself shall not be lost, For it will, as he believed, appear once more In a new And more beautiful edition, Corrected and amended y the Authorto GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Many of the earlier epitaphs were, however, written by the poetasters who earned a precarious living by writing love-sonnets and epitaphs and often also by acting as itinerant pedlars. Puns on names and occupations were considered works of genius, as were also acrostics and anagrams. ‘The quaint humour of these epitaphs was rarely intended, and arises chiefly from its incongruity. Relatives, too, seem to have found in gravestone inscriptions an opportunity for latent talent, and to have taken considerable pride in setting forth the virtues—or as is sometimes the case—the demerits of the deceased in verse. Wordsworth did not write many epitaphs, but the following _ bathetic verses inscribed on a monument to Jemima Ann Deborah, second daughter of Sir Egerton Bridges, who died at the Ivy Cottage, Rydal, are from his pen :— These vales were saddened by no common gloom When good Jemima perished in her bloom. When, such the awful will of Heaven, she died By flames breathed on her from her own fireside. On earth we dimly see, and but in part We know, yet faith sustains the sorrowing heart : And she the pute, the patient and the weak, Might have fit epitaph could feelings speak : If words could tell and monuments record, How treasures lost are invariably deplored, No name for grief’s fond eloquence adorned More than Jemima’s would be praised and mourned The tender virtues of her blameless life, Bright in the daughter, brighter in the wife ; And in the cheerful mother brightest shone That light hath past away—the will of God be done. Among the more recent examples of beautiful epitaphs the following epitaph on General Joubert, written by Rudyard Kipling, after our gallant enemy’s death, is one of the finest tributes to a brave foe in the English language :—ABOUT EPITAPHS With those that bred, with those that loosed the strife, He had no part whose hands were clear of gain ; But, subtle, strong and stubborn, gave his life To a lost cause, and knew the gift was vain. Later shall rise a people, sane and great, Forged in strong fires, by equal war made one, Telling old battles over without hate— Noblest his name shall pass from sire to son. He shall not meet the onsweep of our van In the doomed city when we close the score, Yet o’er his grave—his grave that holds a man— Our deep-tongued guns shall answer his once more. Perhaps the best pun—a touching and beautiful pun— ever achieved in a self-epitaph is that on a grave in South ° Africa. On the night before Spion Kop, Child, of South : African Horse, gave instructions that when (not if) he fell on the morrow the words “ It is well with the Child ” should be graven on his tombstone. The beautiful epitaph written for himself by Robert Louis Stevenson and now inscribed on the monument over his grave at Samoa, is well known :— Under the wide and starry sky, Dig the grave and let me lie. Glad did I live and gladly die, And I laid me down with a will. This be the verse you grave for me: “ Here he lies where he longed to be, Home is the sailor, home from sea, And the hunter home from the hill.” It is 4 singular fact that there is no monument to Sir Christopher Wren, the builder of St. Paul’s and of many of the City Churches. Over the North door of the12 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Cathedral there is, however, a tablet with this inscription in Latin :— Reader, if you seek his monument, look around. A few days before John Keats died of decline at Rome, a gentleman who was sitting by his bedside, spoke of an inscription to his memory. Keate desired that there should be no mention of his name or country. “If there be anything,” he said, “let it be : “« Here lies the body of one whose name was writ in water.’ ” The difficulty of attempting any classification of a collection of epitaphs is enormous. As most of these are dated it was not thought necessary to place them in chronological order. I have, therefore, divided them into three sections, viz. Ancient Epitaphs, containing most of those until the end of the 17th Century ; miscel- laneous, including the more modern; and Quaint and Humorous, in which I have inserted many of the most curious of the ancient epitaphs. In some of the older epitaphs, which were in Latin, I have given the accepted English translation, and where the ancient English spelling would have been confusing to the general reader, I have put it into more modern English.ANCIENT EPITAPHSANCIENT BPITARES Tuts selection of verified ancient epitaphs I have preferred to put in a section of its own, though many of them would have been justified under the heading of Quaint and Humorous Epitaphs, on account of their unconscious and in most cases, unpremeditated humour. ‘The frequency of plays upon names and occupations will be noted as well as the numerous acrostics and anagrams. Some of the epitaphs are by no means eulogistic and would, of course, not be tolerated in these times. I have not attempted to reproduce the ancient spellings and old-time characters where these would be confusing to the general reader, for whom this book is intended rather than for the antiquarian. For the same reason I have reproduced many interesting Latin epitaphs in the English translation. There has been little attempt at classification, but as most are dated they will afford some indication of the methods of expression at different periods down to the end of the seventeenth century. Devonshire is peculiarly rich in quaint and homely epitaphs, especially in the village churchyards. HatcomsBe-Rocus, Devon. Nor goodness, nor desert, must hope to have A privilege of life against the grave, For those lie here entombed ; death did his best, It changed but hours of evil for hours of rest : Which this good man hath found. His faith made way To Heaven before: His works still day by day, Now follow him: Such grace doth mercy give, And who lives well to die, dies well to live. 15GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY A modest matron here doth lie A mirror of her kind Her husband and her children’s good, Her like is rare to find. Godly, chaste and hospitable A housewife rare was she. Ye poor she often would relieve Yet would not wasteful be Her death a pattern was to die Her life was good likewise : Her life and death assure her friends That she to joy shall rise. 1614. Richard and Mary Bluett. Exeter CATHEDRAL. As when a curious clock is out of frame A workman takes in pieces small the same And mending what amiss is to be found The same rejoins and makes it true and sound. So God this lady into two parts took Too soon her soul her mortal corse forsook But by His might at length her body found Shall rise rejoined unto her soul new crowned Till then they rest on earth and heaven sundered At which conjoined all such as live we the wondered. 1614. Dorothy Doddridge. Stoke St. Necran, Devon. If long consuming sickness be a death, I was long dead before I gave my breath : But if in hopeful issue parents live I’m not half dead, my best part doth survive. There’s no life lost, my progeny hath this My soul a better life enjoys in bliss. 1601. Nicholas Luttrell, ondeANCIENT EPITAPHS Orrery St. Mary, Devon. Apollo moist this tomb with tears For such great loss in tender years Virtue’s hope now is dead. And fro’ earth to heaven is fled. Wit’s perfection with poor spirit Doth an Angel’s place inherit. Stay in that celestial sky Where thou shalt live and never die 1620. Sarah Haydon. Under this monument lies one Did good to many, hurt to none. Mended the rich, relieved the poor, Was kind to all—who can do more ? That loved Hospitality, Yet hated Prodigality. 1617. Fohn Sherman. Cryst Str. Grorce, Devon. Bonifant a Virgin; Osborne a loyal wife For thirty years ; A widow was forty and more. A hundred years almost she lead her life, Kind to the rich and good to the poor. Here lies her dust whose soul’s to Heaven gone, Since she did live and die a saintlike one. 1614. Fuliana Osborne. BerRYNARBOR, Devon. Dedicated to the precious memory of Mary, the dear and only daughter of George Westcott pastor of this Church and of Frances his wife, who leaving this vale of misery for a mansion in felicity was here interred January 31, 1848. Aged 7GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Lanpxery, Devon. Madam, to say you’re dead were but to tell A lie, or make the Poet Infidel. You in your virtue live immortal that Free from the dart of death, or stroke of fate, You in your children live, your progeny, And thro’ a kind of Immortality, Your body but doth sleep, your grave’s a bed Your stone a pillow, whereon to lie your head ; Till Virtue, Children, body, soul, anon Shall all meet in the Resurrection. 1645. Llinor, Lady Vincent. Mempury, Devon. This tomb’s sublimed to a shrine and doth contain An holier Saint than could all legends fame, Whose virtues supersede our spice and balm Whose name perfumes the breath it sounds the same As when a fly’s involved in amber, ’twere Less gain than pride such sepulchre, So life’s not worth such honours as to have Fame write his epitaph, hearts afford his grave. 1645. Sir Shilston Calmady. Becton, Devon. His earthly part within this tomb doth rest, Who kept a Court of Honour in his breast ; Birth, Beauty, Wit, and Wisdom sat as Peers, Till death mistook his virtues for his years ; Or else Heaven envied Death so rich a treasure Wherein too fine the Wave, too scant the measure. His mournful wife her love to show in part, This tomb built here, a better in her heart : Sweet Babe, his hopeful heir, (heaven grant this boon) Live but so well; but oh! die not so soon. 1638. Denys Rolle. Aged 24, ets a ihoANCIENT EPITAPHS Azssot’s Kersweti, Devon. Here is a play on the name of the deceased. Mason, how is’t that thou so soon art gone Home from thy work ? what, was the fault i’th’stone Or did thy hammer fail, or dids’t suspect The Master’s wages would thy work neglect ! Christ was thy Corner Stone, Christians the rest ; Hammer the Word, good life they live all blest And yet art gone, ’twas honour not thy crime With stone hearts to work much in little time. The Master savest, and took thee off from them To the Wright stones of New Jerusalem. Thy work and labour men esteem a base one God counts it blest. Here lies a blest Free Mason. 1639. Rev. William Mason. Totnes, Devon. Here lieth Grace a flower gay, Far passing all the flowers of May, Even at the Spring-time of the year Was pluckt, and feicht as fit to be In hands of highest majesty. Then let us praise God for this That she is crowned with endless bliss. 1636. Grace Gryils. CALVERLEIGH, Devon. Here in one bed of earth asleep do lie Three generations, for they did not die, Nor lose a being, but exchanged, and must At the trump’s sound awaken out of this dust. Here’s but their corps, in heaven their souls do dwell, Live here, so to live there with them, Farewell. 1638. George Southcote, Thomas and Mary Southcote and Mary Colman their daughter.20 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY St. Saviour’s, DarTMouTH. Behold thyself by me I was as thou art now And thou in time shalt be When dust as I am now. So doth this figure paint to thee The form and state of each degree. 1637. Gulbert Staplebill, ex-Mayor. ILFRACOMBE. This is a somewhat elaborate epitaph beginning with a Greek motto, followed by anagrams on the names of husband and wife. Next is a rather far-fetched acrostic on both Christian and surnames, and then these verses. Charles sounds of Fortitude yet courteous he ; Unto all sorts seemed rather still to be Her name and disposition joined in one: Though name behind yet Grace with her is gone. These two so lived and loved together, That Death itself could not them sever, One bed, one board, gave them content : And now one grave with free consent Whose bodies here interred were, ih Their souls (we hope), Celestial are ie Who still were friends unto the best | And that with such they now do rest. 1637. Charles and Grace Cutliffe. SHAYFORD, Devon. Reader, woulds’t know who here is laid ? Behold a Matron, yet a maid: A modest look, a pious heart, A Mary for the better part : But dry thine eyes, why wilt thou weep ? Such damsels do not die but sleep. 1641. Mary Whiddon.ANCIENT EPITAPHS AsHBuURTON, Devon. Fear not to die, Learn this of me, No fear in death If good thou be. 1637. Thomas Harris. Ar.incTon, Devon. Here lies Will Burgoin, a Squire by descent Whose death in this world many people lament : The rich for his love, The poor for his alms The wife for his knowledge The sick for his balms. Grace he did love and vice control Earth hath his body and Heaven his soul The twelfth day of August in the morn died he One six and two three. 1623. William Burgotn. Weare GirrarbD, Devon. On a monument erected in honour of the Fortescue Family. At the top is an eye surrounded by clouds with issuing rays; beneath kneeling figures, and medallions containing busts of several generations of children. Stay, Reader, stay, this structure seems t’invite Thy wandering eyes, on it to fix thy sight. In this Pile’s summit thou mayest descry Heaven’s all beholding and all guiding eye That sheds his benedictions gracious beams Of Love and Goodness on these fruitful streams Of numerous issue, sprung from nuptial ties With various ancient worthy families. Here is in brief presented to thy view The long liv’d race of honoured Fortescue. Combined in holiest rites, on Time’s fair scrollGRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY With Chichester, then Speccotz, last with Rolle. And long and wide may sacred Grace and Fame Produce and propagate this generous name That it may brook what Honour gave in field Le fort Escue, the strong and lasting Shield. A shield not only their own right to fence, But also to repel wrong’s violence Which, that it may accordingly be done Pray, Reader, pray God be their Shield and Sun. 1625 circa. AsHBurTON, Devon. Within this space two brothers here confined, Though by death parted, yet by death close joined ; The eldest of the two; placed in his tomb, Greeted the younger with a welcome home. They lived, they loved, and now rest in tomb Together sleeping in their mother’s womb. 1649. Thomas and George Cruse. Heanton-Puncuarpon, Devon. Thy ashes here: but in my mind Thy love and worth I have enshrin’d Sleep dust then till my soul in state Descend to fetch hence its old mate When cloth’d with glory both shall shine For ever Christ’s which once were mine. 1651. Sarah Colenore. Bisuop’s lawton, Devon. A Rose’s springing branch no sooner bloomed By Death’s impartial dart lies here entombed Tho’ wither’d be the bud, the stock relies On Christ both sure by faith and hope to rise. 1652. Rose Dart (an infant).ANCIENT EPITAPHS BARNSTAPLE. Reader, if thou wouldst know this gem that lies Cased in this marble, first ask the poors eyes Who that they may preserve their dear loss safe Write in their lasting tears his epitaph. Then read the School by him endowed t’advance Arts ’bove monster teeming ignorance. If next you’d learn the prudence of the gown And whom he held the scales, ask the whole town— But lastly, view this place, which though it is God’s house by right, his zeal yet made it his. Here would he live—here he full oft hath been To speak to God and hear God speak to him. So that to write his epitaph must be To picture Justice, Arts, Faith, Charity Let marble quarries then elsewhere be spent Not stones but deeds built up this monument. Reader, this tomb speaks not unto thy eyes But to thy hands—go thou and do likewise. 1649. Richard Ferris, twice Mayor of Barum, Catverteicu, Devon. Under this tombstone know there lies A dainty youth of richest price, Soon cropt by death while under age Through fever’s violence and rage Earth keeps his body in restraint But Heaven owns him for a saint. 1654. George Southcott. Aged 15. Branscomse, Devon. The wine that in these earthen vessels lay The hand of Death has lately drawn away : And as a present sent it up on high Whilst here the Vessels with the lees doth lie. 1658. On a father and son named Vessels, eGRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY 24 Haccomse, DEvoN. Here lieth the bodies of Thomas Carew Esquire and Anne his wife who deceased the 6th and 8th day of December anno domini 1656. Two bodies lie beneath this stone Whom love and marriage long made one One soul conjoined them by a force Above the power of death’s divorce One flame of love their lives did burn Even to ashes in their urn They die but not depart who meet In wedding and in winding sheet Whom God hath knit so firm in one Admit no separation Therefore unto one marble trust We leave their now united dust As roots on earth embrace to rise Most lovely flowers in Paradise. 1656. Heanton-Puncuarpon, Devon. ' Here sleeps a noble pair who were in life He best of husbands, she of wives the wife. 1660. Fohn and Susanna Bassett. BARNSTAPLE. "Tis not her plenteous issue, nor this pile Her husband’s love erected can beguile Times ’stroying hand: for such memorials must Themselves lie down, wrapt in oblivion’s dust. No, she preferred her name, a way more sure By Faith, Love, Patience, a meek life and pure These, these are spices shall embalm her name And make it fragrant when the world’s aflame. 1656. Mrs. Amy Tooker.ANCIENT EPITAPHS Auwincton, Devon. All here portrayed shows one joined Coffin! sent Through heavens canopy and to earth here lent Perfumed with virtues and bedewed with grace T’adorn them with a progeny for a space One man took life from dead Elisha’s bones Fight martial sons lived from this Coffin’s loins With daughters seven yet from this vine did sprout Like olive plants their table round about Thrice happy fruitful Coffin, may thy buds spring And to eternity hallelujahs sing. 1651. Richard Coffin and Elizabeth his wife. Kenton, Devon. Surpassing the philosopher’s, this stone Shall turn to pearls the tears are dropt thereon, Since to praise worth praiseworthy doth appear This shrine makes saints of them which offer here Their spice and balm for too perfume his name Which rather more perfumed are by the same. 1653. Sir Nicholas Martyn. Monkteicu, Devon. Since epitaphs have given speech to stones, Their Rhetoric extorted sighs tears groans : Some teach Divinity ; but this commends : Dries tears. <.ops sighs, and strangleth groans of friends Oxford’s Academic so prized his parts : That it did crown him Laureate of Arts : In country he read men, in Court the laws, Lived both with sweet contentment and applause: Expir’d by degrees: yet our comfort’s this That death his convoy was from pain to bliss : Since Temperance, Prudence, Candour, Pity Transports from Grace unto Felicity. 1651. William Gaze.26 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY SwimsripGE, Devon. Lo with a Warrant sealed by God’s Decree Death his grim Sergeant hath arrested me, No Bail was to be given, no Law could save My body from the prison of the grave. Yet by the Gospel my poor soul had got A Superfedeus, and Death seized it not. And for my downcast body here it lies, A prisoner of Hope it shall arise. Faith doth assure me, God of His great love In Christ shall send a Writ for my Remove, And set my body, as my soul is, free With Christ to dwell. Come glorious Liberty. 1658. ohn Raster, Attorney. East Attincton, Devon. Eliza’s soul, a graft divine With clay was fastened unto Wood ! The tree did suddenly decline The fruit was blasted in the bud. The clay which Death broke off lies here, the wife | Is now engrafted on the Tree of Life. Reader, expect not long to hold thy breath ie For heart of oak thou seest cut off by death. 1662. Llizabeth Wood. ILFRACOMBE. Never was Innocence and Prudence So lovely, that had you known her Conversation, you would have said She was the daughter of Eve before She eated of the Apple. She hath left her name Catherine Parminter A.D. 1660.ANCIENT EPITAPHS Cotyton, Devon. Such pillars laid aside How can the church abide He left his pulpit he In Patmas God to see This shining light can have No place to preach but’s grave. 1667. Rev. Fohn Williams. CuitTTLEHAMPTON, Devon. The Graces formerly were counted three, Now to the count a fourth may added be, _ The Virgin that of graces had such store As she made good her name of Grace and more. Her loving parents were to her so dear They going hence she’d stay no longer here. But after hies (blest soul) to heaven above, To be with them in the family of love, And by their bodies here must lie to rest That with them she may rise together blest. 1667. Mrs. Grace Giffard. Asusurton, Devon. His pious soul wrapped in distempered earth Was now prepared for a second birth ; He straight ascending the celestial spheres, Cast off her mantle, and hath left it here. 1643. Robert Gaunter, Gent. Heavirret, Devon. The loving turtle having missed her mate Begged she might enter ere they shut the gate Their dust here lies whose souls to Heaven are gone And wait till Angels roll away the stone. 1671. Thomas and Rose Gorges.GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Dean Prior, Devon. No trust to metals nor to marbles when These have their fate and wear away as men ! Times, titles, trophies, may be lost and spent : But virtue rears th’ eternal monument. What more than these can tombs or tombstones pay ? But here’s the sunset of a tedious day ; These two asleep are, I'll but be undressed And so to bed: pray with us all good rest. 1637. Sir Edward and Lady Giles. Seaton, Devon. John Starre Starr on high ! Where should a starr be But on high? ‘Tho’ underneath He now doth lie Sleeping in Dust Yet shall he rise More glorious than ‘The Starres in skies. 1633. John Starre. Birtapon, Devon. A generous mind, a stout courageous heart, A man well stored with policy, wit and art ; In feats of war and law he did abound As scarce beyond him any could be found. What could be learnt both here and ’yond the main He in’s vast memory strongly did retain. A well experienced man in all affairs He such a name ’mongst us surviving bears. His body is here below, his soul is fled Whither the winged cherubims are fed. 1691. Edward Poyntz.ANCIENT EPITAPHS 29 Wippvecomse-IN-THE-Moor, Devon. To the Memorie of Mary the third wife of John Elford of Shistor, Esq. was here interred Febr. ye 16, 1642, having issue at a birth Mary and Sarah. As Mary’s choice made John rejoice So was her loss his heavy cross most know Yet lost she is not save but found above Death gave her life t?embrace a dearer love (Anagr.) Mary Elford—Fear my Lord— Then Fear my Lord whilst yet you mayest on mold That so those arms that me may thee enfold Near twelve months day her marriage here did pass Her heavenly nuptial consummated was She fertile proved in sould and body both In life good works and death the twins brought forth And like a fruitful tree with bearing died Yet Phoenix like for one these two survived Which shortly posted their dear mother after Least this contagion their poor souls might slaughter Then cease your sad laments I am but gone To reap above what I below have sown. Kincs Trrcnton, Devon. Damn’d tyrant, can’t profaner blood suffice ? Must Priests that offer be the sacrifice ? Go, tell the genii that in Hades lie, Thy triumps o’er this sacred Calvary, Till some just Nemesis avenge our Cause And force this kill-priest to reverse good laws. 1670. Richard Adlam. Morcuarp Bisnop, Devon. Grace, sweetness, beauty,—yet not touched with pride She lived beloved, and much lamented died. 1690. Hannah Wheeler.GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Dartmoutn, Devon. Men that are virtuous serve the Lord: And the devil’s by his friends adored : And as they merit get a place Amidst the blest of hellish race. Pray then, ye learned clergy, show Where can this brute, Tom Goldsmith, go ? Whose live was one continued evil, Striving to cheat God, man and devil. 1714. Thomas Goldsmith, a noted pirate. Braunton, Devon. Here lieth interred Mrs. Deborah Keene late owner of the Manor of Braunton-Arundell in this parish. She was baptised Feb. 24, 1624, lived unmarried, and was buried Dec. 31, 1694. Virginity was had in estimation And wont to be observed with veneration : Above ’tis still so, single life is fed, None may marry nor are married, But live angelic lives: and Virgins crowned All with their Coronets the Lamb surround. This maiden Landlay hath one obtained, Who tho’ much sought in marrying still refrained, And now the inheritance undefiled has gained. 1694. Deborah Keene. Mempury, Devon. Stop passenger, and view this mournful shrine, That holds the relics of a form divine: Oh! she was all perfection, heavenly fair ! And chaste and innocent as mortals are. Her wit and humour and her youth conspired To warm the soul, and all who saw admired !— But ah! how soon was all the heaven of charmsANCIENT EPITAPHS Rifled by death, and withered in his arms ; Too soon for us, but not for her too soon ! For now upon the wings of angels flown Their native skies, she’s by her God caressed And keeps eternal Sabbath with the blessed. Learn hence, betimes, (good reader) to be wise This trifling world and all its joys despise. With each bright virtue let thy bosom swell, And live like her, that you may do so well. 1723. Frances Fry. Tiverton, Devon. On helpless babes I did attend Whilst I on earth my life did spend : To help the helpless in their need I ready was with care and speed. Many from pain my hands did free But none from death could rescue me My course is run and hour is passed And you is coming also fast. John Bradley was the first child she received Into this world in 1698, and since, above 5,000. 1733. Mrs. Ann Clarke. West AtuncTon, Devon. This youth when in his sickness lay, Did for the minister send that he Would come and with him pray but he would not attend but when this young man buried was the minister did him admit he should be carried into Church that he might money get By this you see what man will do to get money if he can who did refuse to come and pray by the foresaid young man. 1746. Daniel Feffrey.32 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY ILFRACOMBE, Devon. Joan Ley here she lays all mould in grave I trust in God her soul to save And with her Saviour Christ to dwell And there I hope to live as well. This composed by her grateful husband Nicholas Ley. 1759. ‘foan Ley. Hap.eicu, SUFFOLK. To free me from domestic strife Death called at my house, but he spake with my wife Susan, wife of David Pattison lies here, Stop Reader, and if not in a hurry, shed a tear. 1706. Susan Pattison. Croyanp, Lincs. Beneath this place in 6 foot in length against the Clark’s Pen lieth the body of Mr. Abm. Baby Also the body of Mary his wid. She died the 21st May 1705 Also 2 children of the said Abm. and Mary, which died in their infantry. Man’s life is like unto a winter’s day, Some break their fast, and so depart away. Other’s stay dinner—then depart full fed, The longest age but sups and goes to bed. O reader, then behold and see As we are now so must ye be. 1706.ANCIENT EPITAPHS Stoke St. Necran, Devon. Stay awhile you passers by And see how I in dust do lie Tho’ I lie here in confusing mould I shall rise up like shining gold. 1720. Henry Wilcock. This is a popular idea in epitaphs, and variations are to be found in several churchyards. Oaxuam, RuTLanp. Farewell poor world, I must be gone, Thou art no home, no rest for me, I'll take my staff and travel on Till I a better world may see Put on, my soul, put on with speed Tho’ the way be long, the end is near : Once more, poor world, farewell indeed. (The last line is illegible.) 1707. “fames Marshall. Nort Stonewam, Hants. I hope, I think, I understand Here lies the body of an honest man. I trust in Christ and hope that he The joys of Heaven now do see. 1708. Fohn Vine. Frnepon, NorrTHanrs. Here lieth Richard Dent in his last tenement. 1709. as en | aGRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Trersury, Gios. Her body earthly was, and to the Earth Descended is, from whence it took its birth. Her soul from a more high Original Mounted aloft, became Angelical Clog not her wings, then, with your dewy tears On which she’s raised above the starry spheres Cease, Husband, Children, cease, give God the praise Which now she warbles in immortal lays. 1710. Mary Cripps. Cantey, Norro.x. In wise frugality luxuriant, In Justice and good Acts extravagant, To all the world an universal friend, No foe to any but the savage kind How many fair estates have been graced By the same generous means: yet has increased His duty thus performed to Heaven and Earth Each leisure hour fresh toilsome sports gave birth, Had Nimrod seen, he would the game decline To Gilbert mighty hunter’s name resign Tho’ hundreds to the grounds he oft has chased, That subtle fox Death earthed him here at last, And left a fragrant scent so sweet behind That ought to be pursued by all mankind. 1714. Robert Gilbert. Stroup, G1os. When Christ commands away "Tis sin to wish to stay *Tho soon thy glass be run For Heaven thou’rt not too young For all are like thee there Go then, and be Heaven’s heir. Freame Clutterbuck, an infant.Ripon, Yorks. ANCIENT EPITAPHS Here lieth the body of Margaret Lupton, late wife of Mr. Sampson Lupton of Braisty Woods in Netherdale, who departed this life the znd of November Anno Domini 1718 in the 74th year of her age, and lived to be mother and grandmother to above 150 children, and at the baptizing of the first grandchild, the child had ten grandfathers and grandmothers then present. WELTON, YoRKS. Here lieth the old Jeremy who hath eight times married been but now in his old age he lies in his cage under the grass so green Which Jeremiah Simp Son departed this Life in the 84 years of his age in the year of our Lord 1719 Feremiah Simpson. OmpersLtey, Worc. Sharp was her wit, mild was her nature: A tender wife and a good humoured creature. 1724. Elizabeth Cupper. West Down, Devon. Reader, pass on, nor waste your precious time On bad biography and murdered rhyme : What I was before’s well known to my neighbours What I am now is no concern of yours. 1797. William Ash.36 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Pitton, Devon. "Tis done, the last great debt of nature paid, Hayne amongst the numerous dead is laid : O’er hills and dales, thro’ woods, o’er mountains, rocks, With keenest ardour he pursued the Fox! Heedless of dangers, stranger to dismay, Dauntless thro’ obstacles he held his way ! But now, alas! no more his bosom beats High in the chase, forgotten are his heats ; His ardor boots him not, for here are bounds Ne’er overleap’d by huntsman or by hounds ; Here was his course arrested: then draw near Sons of the Chase, and drop the pitying tear: Now o’er his tomb as you impassioned bend, And pensive think of your departed friend, Repeat the tale conveyed in simple strain, And sighing say—here lies poor honest Hayne. 1797. Fohn Hayne. St. Perrocx’s, DarTMOUTH. “Twas not a winded nor a withered face Nor long gray hairs, nor dimness in the eyes, Nor feeble limbs, nor uncouth trembling pace, Presaged his death that here entombed lies : His time was come, his Maker was not bound To let him live till all these marks were found. His time was come, that time he did embrace With sense and feeling, with a joyful heart, As his first passage to a better place, Where all his cares are ended and his smart This Roope was blessed that trusted in God alone : He lives two lives where others live but one. 1609. Fohn Roope.ANCIENT EPITAPHS 37 Wiltshire also furnishes a large number of quaint ancient epitaphs of which the following selection is representative. Avezsury, WILTs. Come near my friends, behold and see Such as I am such shall you be: As is my state within this tomb So must yours be before the doom. For all men must by God’s decree Once taste of death as ye see me. Wherefore in time remember Death Before you lose your vital breath John Truslove here interred is, And lieth in this grave : Which unto me large benefits Most bountifully gave. The race he lived here on earth Was three score years and seven Deceased in April 93 and then Was prest to Heaven. He having then no issue left His loving wholly gave To Richard Truslove of his name For so he would it have. Who in remembrance of the giver This stone has caused to be Within this Church of Averbarie Erected as you see. The body of John Truslove here doth rest Who dying did his soul to heaven bequest : His faith in Christ most steadfastly was it, In saved hope to satisfy his debt. A lively theme to take example by Contemming death in hope a Saint to die. 1593. OR ee ——EE aia ~ tea104 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY A favourite epitaph, of which one of the oldest examples is on the grave of John Orgen, 1591, at St. Olave’s, Hart Street, is the following : As I was so be ye: as 1 am you shall be What I gave, that I have What I spent, that I had Thus I count all my cost That I left, that I lost. ELMsET, SUFFOLK. Here licth the body of Edward Sherland, of Grays Inn, Esqre, descended from the ancient family of Sherland in the Isle of Sheppey, in Kent ; who lived the whole of his life a single man, and died in this parish the 13th of May, 1609. Tombs have no use unless it be to show The due respect which friend to friend doth owe. Tis not a mausolean monument Or hireling epitaph that doth prevent The flux of fame: a painted sepulchre Is but a rotten trustless treasure, A fare gate to oblivion. But the whole life, whose every action, Like well-wrought stones and pyramids, erect A monument to honour and respect, As this man did, he needs none other hearse, Yet hath but due, having both tomb and verse. Herne, Kent. Here lies a piece of Christ, a star in dust, A view of gold, a china dish that must Be used in Heaven when God shall feed the just Approved by all, and loved so well, Tho’ young, like fruit that’s ripe, he fell. 1637. Fohn Knowles.ANCIENT EPITAPHS WaterPERRY, Oxon. She that lies hefe within this gloomy grave Enjoyed all virtues that a mind could have Let this suffice thee then in brief to know She once was such as thou mayst read below. Lord Dormer’s daughter, Sir John Curson’s wife To whom four sons and daughters two she bore Beloved of all the lived yet chang’d this life For such a life as never shall change more A Magdalen by name, a Saint by Grace, Died much bewailed and buried in this place, Then happy she who such a life did lead As she now lives anew though she is dead. 1610. Magdalen Curson. Turvey, Beps. Here lieth John Richards under this wall, A faithful true servant to Turvey old Hall, Page to the first Lord Mordaunt of fame, Servant to Lewes, Lord Henry and John ; Painful and careful and just to them all Till death took his life God have metcy of his soul. Amen. 1612. Fohn Rychards. Sr. Prerer’s, Yoxrorp. At the due sacrifice of the Paschal lamb, April had eight days wept in showers, then came Lean hungry death who never pity took, And ’cause the feast was ended slew this Cooke On Easter-Monday he lives then no day more, But sunk to rise with Him that rose before He’s here entombed, a man of virtue’s line Outreached his years, yet they were seventy-nine He left on earth ten children of eleven To keep his name whilst himself went to Heaven. 1613. Anthony Cooke. ae106 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Hicu Kirx, Grascow. Stay passenger, and view this stone, For under it lies such an one, Who cured many while he lived, So gracious he no man grieved. Yea, when his physic’s force oft failed His pleasant purpose then prevailed. For of his God he got the Grace To live in mirth and die in peace Heaven has his soul, his corpse this stone Sigh passenger, and then begone. 1612. Dr. Low. Sr. BenetT—SHEREBOG. Here was a Bud, beginning for her May: Before her flower, Death took her hence away. But for what cause ? That friends might joy the more Where their hope is, she flourisheth now before. She is not lost, but in those joys remain Where friends may see and joy in her again. 1613. Anne Ferrar. Aged 21. Iver, Bucks. Here the earthly mansion of a heavenly mind, A worthy Matron’s mortal part, is shrined. More might be said, if any tomb or stone Were large enough for her inscription. But words are bootless, more elegies hurled Upon her hearse were vain, for to the world Like a vain glorious gamester, ’twould but boast Not what it hath, but what it has lost : And making her life known, would cause my fear T'was greater than virtue’s strength would bear. 1613. Lady Mary Salter.ANCIENT EPITAPHS Botsover, Dersy. The epitaph is an address of Sir Charles Cavendish to his sons. Sons, seek me not among these polished stones, Those only hide part of my flesh and bones : Which they did here so neat or proudly dwell, Will all be dust and may not make me swell. Let such as have outlived all praise Trust in the tombs their careful friends do raise : I made my life my monument, and yours, To which there’s no material that endures ; Nor yet inscription like it. Write one that And teach your nephews it to emulate : It will be matter loud enough to tell Not when I died, but how I lived. Farewell. 1617. Shakespeare’s epitaph at Stratford-on-Avon is one of the best known. Good friend, for Jesus sake forbear To dig the dust enclosed here Blest be the man that spares these stones And curst be he that moves my bones, This inscription is on the gravestone—on the North Wall of the Chancel is a mural tablet with this inscription. Stay passenger, why goest thou by so fast, Read if thou canst, whom envious Death hath placed Within this monument, Shakespeare with whom Quick nature died : whose name doth deck the tomb, Far more then cost: Since all that he hath writ Leaves living art one page to serve his wit. 1616,108 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Micxienam, Gos. The writer of this epitaph apparently had not a very great opinion of the residents of his county. Here lieth entombed John Bonner by name, Son of Bonner of Pebworth, from there he came. The 17th of October he ended his days Pray God that we living may follow his ways. 1618 by the year. Scarce are such to be found in this Shere Made and set up by his loving friend Evens his kinsman, and so I do end. 1618. ‘Fohn Bonner. SroxenHam, Devon. Here is an acrostic epitaph on a woman who was killed in an attack on the place during the Civil wars. Kind reader judge, here’s underlaid A hopeful, young, and virtuous maid, Thrown from the top of earthly pleasure Headlong, by which she gained a measure Environed with heaven’s power. Rounded with angels for that hour In which she fell: God took her home Not by just law, but martyrdom. Each groan she fetched upon her bed Roar’d out alone I’m murdered. And shall this blood, which here doth lie ’N vain for right and vengeance cry ! Do men not think, tho’ gone from hence, Avenge God can’t his innocence ? Let bad men think, so learn ye good Love each that’s here doth cry for blood. 1648. Katherine Randall.ANCIENT EPITAPHS Pensuurst, Kenr. Robert Kerwin now here doth lie, A man of proved honesty : Whose soul to Heaven hence did fly To enjoy Christ his felicity, The seventh of February—1615. Arreton, Iste or WIGHT. Sixteen a maid and fifty years a wife Make the sum total of my past life. Long Thread, so finely spun, so fairly ended, That few shall match this pattern, fewer mend it. What friends, what children, what blest marriage, Dead I forget : living I light esteemed For thy dear love (O Christ) that has redeemed My soul from Hell ; and shortly shall upraise This mortal Dust, in Heaven to sing thy praise. 1619. Elizabeth Leigh. This Mary-gold lo here doth show Marie worth gold lies here below Cut down by death the fair’st gilt flower Flourish and fade doth in an hour The Marigold in sunshine spread (When cloudy) closed doth bow the head. This orient plant retains the guise With splendent Sol to set and rise Even so this virgin Marie rose In Life soon nipt in death fresh grows With Christ her light she set in pain By Christ her Lord shall rise again When she shall shine more brightly far Than any twinkling radiant star For be assured that by death’s dart Mary enjoys the better part. Se cece ee Dn iS nena aCURIOUS EPITAPHSCURIOUS EPITAPEHS No collection of epitaphs would be complete without special reference to the many quaint, curious, humorous and sometimes ludicrous epitaphs often found on tomb- stones. Many of those already given under the heading of “ Ancient Epitaphs ” would justify inclusion in this category, but the following may perhaps have a special claim to insertion under this heading. Most of them are authenticated, but a few have been added which if not actually inscribed upon tombstones are ben trovato. Iver CHURCH. Two happy days assigned me to men, Of wedlock and of death! Oh, happy then! ’Mongst women was she that is here interred, Who liv’d out two, and dying had the third. 1634. Alice Cutt, aged 55. SouTHREY. Here rests that just and pious Jane, That ever hated all that’s vayne ; Her zeal for God, made her desire T’have died a martyr in the fire ; Or into thousand pieces small, Been cutt to honour God with all, Her life right vertuous, modest, sober ; Ended the 7th day of October, 1638. Her purest soul ’till the body rise, Enjoys heaven’s peace in paradise. Her virtues hid from common sight, Enforced her husband these to write. 1638. Fane Tyrrell. Tie114 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY WisBECH. Nicholas Sanford He was A patterne for townesmen, whom we may enrole For at his own charge this towne hee freed of tole. SHEEPSDALE. Son of Thunder, Son of the Dove, Full of hot zeal, full of trewe love. In preaching Truth, in living right, A burning Lamp, a shining Light. 1640. Rev. Fohn Rudd, aged 72. IckLEsHAM. Here lies George Theobald, a lover of bells, And of this house, as that epitaph tells, He gave a bell freely to grace the new steeple, Bring out his prayse therefore ye good people. 1641. St. James’, CLERKENWELL. Thos. Wayte, of Keythorp, Esq. Receiver for His Majesty in the Counties of Warwick and Leicester. 1642. Hither no Tears but Garlands bring, To crown this good Receiver’s dust ; Who gave account to God and King, And lives rewarded with the just. So to his Faith and Office both gave rest The King his quittance, God quietus est. BusHeEy. Here’s two in one, and yet not two but one, Two sons, one tomb ; two heirs one name alone. 1643. Robt. Blakewell.CURIOUS EPITAPHS 11S Acton CuurRcH. Here lyes the body Hould ! someone replies, ’Tis not her body, ’tis this marble lyes ; For her fayre clay, ere death could reach her bed, Sly sickness (to cheat him) thence ravished, And in its roome conveyed a skelleton, Which scarce her looking glasse or friends could owne ; A skelleton so bare, that as she lay, She seemed a soule abstracted from its clay Thus lighten’d, she could act and never faint, But moved more like an angell than a saint ; Whilst, through those weatherbeaten walls of skin, Each looker-on might see what dwelt within : Sound judgment, joyn’d to active piety, But, sweetness, patience and humility. A virgin too! save that, just such another, _ In all perfections as her neighbour mother. 1645. Elizabeth Wilbraham. Oxp Grey Friars, EDINBURGH. Stay, Passenger, and shed a tear, For good James Murray lieth here ; He was of Philip Haugh descended, And for his merchandize commended. He was a man of a good life, Marry’d Bethia Mauld to his wife : He may thank God that e’er he got her, She bore him three sons and a daughter. The first he was a Man of Might, For which the King made him a Knight. The second was both wise and wily, For which the Town made him a Bailly : The third a Factor of Renown, Both in Camphire and in this Town. His daughter was both grave and wise And married was to James Elies. 1649. James Murray, aged 78. a116 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Yrovit, SOMERSET. John Webb, Son of Mary and John Webb, Clothiers, Who died of the measles, May 3rd, 1646, Aged 3 years. How still he lies ! And clos’d his eyes, That shone as bright as day ! The cruel measles Like clothiers’ teasles Have scratched his life away. Cochineal red His lips have fled, Which now are blue and black. Dear pretty wretch How thy limbs stretch, Like cloth upon the rack. Repress thy sighs The husband cries, My dear, and not repine, For ten to one, When God’s work’s done He’ll come off superfine. St. Epmunp’s, Sarum. 1662. Richard Phelps, Alderman and Mayor. And is he dead! And shan’t the City weep ? That it no longer such a Saint could keep. Surely when Death shall thus lay Hold upon The Pillars of the House, the Building’s gone. Well may we fear and dread what God is doing That Flames are kindling while our Lots are going. The righteous is taken away From the evil to come.CURIOUS EPITAPHS GLoucesteR CATHEDRAL. Receiver of this College Rents, he paid His Debt to Nature, and beneath he’s laid To rest, until his summons to remove, At the last Audit, to the Choir above. 1650. Samuel Bridger. WiTcHINGHAM. Death here advantage hath of life I spye One husband with two wives at once may lye. 1650. Thos. Alleyn and his two wives. EvEsHAM. Stay reader, drop upon this stone One pitying tear, and then be gone. A handsome pyle of flesh and blood Is here sunk down to its first mud, Which thus in Western rubbish lyes, Until ye Eastern Starr shall rise. 1652. John Green, aged 27. PETERBOROUGH CATHEDRAL, Heare lyeth a midwife brought to bed, Deliveresse Delivered ; Her body being Churched here Her soule gives thanks in yonder sphere. 1653. fane Parker. Nort TuDENHAM. Here lyes the corps of Frances Neve interred, This Virgin’s Soul to Heaven is transferred. April laments her death, tho’ born in May When Flora her perfections doth display. 1656. Frances Neve. et Pt ie118 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY KiIncsTON-UPON- L HAMES. Ashes on ashes lie, on Ashes tread Ashes engrav’d these words, which Ashes read, Then what poor thing is Man, when every gust Can blow his Ashes to their Kindred Dust ? More was intended, but a wind did rise, And filled with Ashes both my mouth and eyes. 1655. Thos. Haward, aged 76. 'TAWSTOCK. Under this Marble lies a Treasure Which Earth hath lost and Heaven gain’d, Wherein we Mortals took just Pleasure | While his blest soul on earth remain’d. A lawyer who desir’d to see His Clients Right more than his Fee. 1660. Alexander Rolle, aged 48. In WestTMINSTER ABBEY. In memory of Mr. Thos. Smith, of Elmley Lovet, in the County of Worcester, and Bachelor of Arts, late of Christ’s Church, Oxford, who through the Spotted Veil of the Small Pox, render’d a pure and unspotted soul to God, expecting but never fearing Death which ended his days, March t1oth A.D. 1663, aged 27. The virtues which in his short Life were shown Have equalled been by few, surpassed by none. East BraDENHAM. 1667. Here virtuous, pious Sarah ‘Townsend lies Whose soul enamell’d thus, to Heaven flies.CURIOUS EPITAPHS Norwicu. 1669. Here lays Captain Nicholas Salter, whose Choice Endowments both in Grace and Art, Deserve the ablest Hand to express but Part, As to Religion constant and sincere, Faithful and fervent, fighting while h’was here, The Fight of Faith, o’ercome, and is sett downe, His Course he finish’d, and enjoys a Crowne ; And for his Art and Ingenuity, By his exquisite Skill in Turning, Hee Made so conspicuous, that who it beheld, Was at his Art with Admiration filled, But cease, no more, only a Sword, a Tear, To lett the Reader know, choice Dust lies here. 1670. On Grorce Fane. Here lies a child, whose death has set us right, In the old story of our guardian knight, For who dare say the champion smells 0’ the forge, Since we are all assur’d there’s a St. George Who ne’er was vanquish’d, nor o’ercome ; For he is still alive by a synecdoche.* * A synecdoche is a figure of speech by which a part is put for the whole, and the contrary. GLASTONBURY. Whom neither Sword nor Gunn in War Could slay, in Peace a cough did marr, ’Gainst Rebels He and Lust and Sin Fought the good Fight, died Life to win. 1670. Captain Fohn Dyer, Ricumonp, Yorks. Here lies the body of William Wix One thousand, seven hundred and sixty-six, I on eT, Se i ee ste ee120 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Lepsury, Hererorp. 1674. Stay reader, Here lyes the body of James Bailey, late of Ledbury, Corvisor, who departed this life 13 Dec. 1674. Aged 100 years and 8 months. He was the youngest brother of Humphrey Bailey of Ocul Pychard, and of Samuel Bailey, late of Hereford. These three brothers lived the age of 300 years. What one wanted the Other made up. Mors rapit omnia. "TEDSTON-DE-LA-MeEreE. Heav’n took her soule ; the earth her corpse did seise, Yet not in fee; she only holds by lease, ) With this proviso—when the Judge shall call, Earth shall’give up her share, and Heav’n take all. 1678. Frances Bateman. Newport, Mon. Stay, Gentle Reader, stay, drop down one tear Though heart of flint and Eye of Pumice were, Good, just, discreet, strong, debonaire and wise, Man at his zenith midst death’s trophies lies, And bids the bravest at the best beware, What ere thou art he was, thyself prepare. 1678. William Morgen, aged 48. St, DunsTan’s IN THE WEST. A Master of Defence His thrusts like Lightning flew, more Skilful Death Parr’ed ’em all, and beat him out of Breath. 1679. Alexander Layton. NorwicH CATHEDRAL. Here lies the body of honest Tom Page Who died in the 33rd year of his age. eeCURIOUS EPITAPHS WREXHAM. Here lies John Shore I say no more Who was alive In sixty five. STEPNEY. 1683. Whoever treadeth on this stone, I pray you tread most neatly : For underneath the same doth lie Your honest friend Will Wheatly. Here lies John Oxenham, a goodly young man, in whose chamber, as he was struggling with the pangs of death, a bird with a White Breast was seen fluttering about his bed, and so vanished. Here also lies Mary Oxenham, sister of the above John, who died the next day, and the same apparition was in the room. Here lies hard by, James Oxenham, the son of the said John, who died a child in his cradle, a little after, and such a bird was seen fluttering about his head a little before he expired, which vanished afterwards. Here lies Elizabeth Oxenham, the mother of the said John, who died 16 years since, when such a bird, with a White Breast, was seen about her bed before her death. To all these were divers witnesses, both Squires and Ladies, whose names were graven on the stone (seen by Howell at a stone-cutters in Fleet Street, and recorded in his letters) which was to be sent to a town hard by Exeter, where this happened.122 ST. GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Marcaret’s at Lynn. 1684. William Scrivener, Cook to the Corporation. Alas! alas! Will Scrivener’s dead, who by his art Could make Death’s Skeleton edible in each part. Mourn, squeamish stomachs, and ye curious palates, You’ve lost your dainty dishes and your salades : Mourn for yourselves, but not for him i’ th’ least, He’s gone to taste of a more Heavenly feast. Norwicu. 1679. Sarah Yorke this life did resigne One May the 13th ’79. The following was written by Capt. Morris on Edward Heardson, thirty years cook to the Beef-steak Society. His last steak done; his fire rak’d out and dead, Dish’d for the worms himself, lies honest Ned. We, then, whose breasts bore all his fleshly toils, Took all his bastings and shared all his broils : Now, in our turn, a mouthful carve and trim, And dress at Phcebus fire, one scrap for him. His heart which well might grace the noblest grave, Was grateful, patient, modest, just and brave ; And ne’er did earth’s wide man a morsel gain Of kindlier juices or more tender grain ; His tongue, where duteous friendship humbly dwell, Charm’d all who heard the faithful zeal he felt ; Still to whatever end his chops he moved, Twas all well-seasoned, relish’d and approved ; This room his heav’n—when threatening Fate drew nigh The closing shade that dimm’d his lingering eye, His last fond hopes, betray’d by many a tear, Were—That his life’s last spark might glimmer here ; And the last words that choak’d his parting sigh— “Oh! at your feet, dear masters, let me die!”CURIOUS EPITAPHS BARNSTAPLE. Blest was the prophet in his Heavenly shade But oh! how soon did his umbrella fade. Like our frail bodies which being born of clay Spring in a night and wither in a day. 1684. Fohn Boyse, aged 5. On a Brass in Aughton Church, near Ormskirk. Jesus Salvator My ancestors have been interred here above 380 years, This to me by ancient evidence appears ; Which that all may know and none doe offer wrong, It is ten feet and one inch broad, and foure yards and a half long. AMEN. Ricuarp Mossocx. 1686. “God save the King to the greate glory of God.” At Kenning-hill Churchyard in Norfolk, one of the name of Robert Burton is stated to have died on the 29th of June, between 6 and 7 o’clock in the evening. In the anxiety to record the precise hour of his death the year is omitted. It was, however, in 1711. Hampton Ripware, STAFFS. Underneath lies the body of Thomas Allestree, M.A., late rector of this parish, and prebendary of Lichfield, who was a minister of the Church of England 54 years. He composed 500 sermons, and preached above 5,000 times. He died the 30th day of June 1715 in the 78th year of his age.124 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY St. Curuzert, Kitpare, Yorks. Here ye roth Joseph Dunn. lyeth the body of Joseph Dunn, who dyed day of March, 1716, aged 82 years. He left to ye poor of Kildale xxs, of Commondale xxs, of Danby xxs., of Westerdale xs. to be paid upon his gravestone by equal portions, on ye Ist day of May, and ye 11th of November for ever. St. Paut’s, Brprorp. Patience, wife of Shadrach Johnson, The mother of 24 children and died in childbed NorwiIcu. June 6, 1717, aged 38 years. Shadrach! Shadrach! The Lord granted unto thee Patience Who laboured long and patiently In her vocation ; But her patience being exhausted She departed in the midst of her labour obiit 38. May she rest from her labour. Gentle Reader, Gentle Reader, Look on the spot where I do lie I was always a very good feeder But now the worms do feed on I. Let Charity this man commend To diligent apprentices, whose end Brought money to their city: stock to lend. 1690. Roger Crewe, aged 51.CURIOUS EPITAPHS New WInpsor. Reader, this monument does here declare, That Richard Topham was John Topham’s heir, And that this secret might to all be known Richard hath writ it on John Topham’s stone. The language view, and own the pious deed, Since Richard writes, what John could never read. 1692. Fobhn Topham. Limerick CATHEDRAL, Memento Mory. Here lieth little Samuel Barinton, that great Under ‘Taker, Of Famous City’s Clock and Chime Maker ; He made his one Time goe Early and Latter, But now he is returned to God his Creator. The 19 of November Then he Seest, And for his memory this here is pleast By his Son Ben, 1693. SARNSFIELD, 1694. On John Abel, Architect. This craggy stone a covering is for an architector’s bed That lofty buildings raised high, yet now lies low his head. His line and rule, so death concludes, are locked up in stone, Build they that list or they that wist for he can build no more. His house of clay could hold no longer, May heaven’s joy build him a stronger.126 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Dunster, NorFouk. Here lies a noble pair, who were in name, In Heart, in Mind, and Sentimentt the same, The Arithmetick Rule then can’t be true, For One and One, did never here make Two. 1709-1720. Israel and Sarah Long. Mary Tavy, Devon. Here Buried were some years before His Two Wives and Five Children more, One Thomas nam’d whose fate was such To lose his life by wrestling much Which may a warning be to all How they into such Pastimes fall. Elizabeth and William and Hannah, and yet pray understand A second nam’d Elizabeth All these were taken off by Death For which prepare you Readers all We must away when God doth call. 1721. Thomas Hawkins, aged 28. Cuurcu Creton, Satop. On a Thursday she was born, On a Thursday made a bride, On a Thursday put to bed, On a Thursday broke her leg, and On a Thursday died. South BrewHam, To the ever living memory of the Rev. Edward Bennet, minister of the Gospel, who by a sudden- surprize fell asleep in Christ, the 8th day of November, 1673. Aged 50. And Mary, his wife, who also by a sudden-surprize fell asleep in Christ, Feb. 26th, 1694. Aged 79.CURIOUS EPITAPHS St. Dunstan’s, STEPNEY. 1687. Here Thomas Saffin lies interred: Ah! why? Born in New England did in London die ? Was the third son of eight ; begot upon His mother Martha, by his Father John ; Much favor’d by his Prince he got to be But nipt by Death at th’ age of twenty-three ; Fatal to him was that, sad Small Pox name By which his Mother and two Brethren came ; Also to breathe their last ; nine years before ; And now have left their father to deplore The loss of all his children with that wife Who was the joy and comfort of his life. WoLvERHAMPTON CuuRCH. 1690. Here lie the bones of Joseph Jones, Who eat whilst he was able ; But once o’er fed He dropt down dead, And fell beneath the table. When from the tomb, To meet his doom, He rises amidst sinners : Since he must dwell In heav’n or hell Take him—which gives best dinners. Epmonton CHURCHYARD. 1695. On William Newberry, a hostler, who lost his life from the improper administration of medicine by an ignorant fellow servant. Here lies Newberry Will His life was finished with a Cochiz Pill.128 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY KENDAL. Frances Strickland. She was born 1690. Married ;24. June, 1708. Buried hy25. Emblem of temporal good, the day that gave Her birth and marriage, saw her in her grave ; Wing’d with its native love her soul took flight To boundless regions of eternal light. Great eaters have been frequently celebrated in epitaphs, of which the following are specimens. On a great Epicure. At this rude stone, ye sons of Bacchus pause ; Here lies a martyr to the good old cause ; A doctor fam’d for most voracious parts, Profoundly versed in culinary arts ; Skilled in the merits of renowned sirloin, Nor less de vino proved a:sound divine. Long shall the generous juice embalm his clay, Nor vulgar worms upon this carcass prey. Full many a sparkling stream his lips have quafied, But relished not this last and bitter draughte ; So strong the potion proved, or weak his head Here lies our doctor—down among the dead. T. Maurice. On a Glutton. At length, my friends, the feast of life is o’er, I’ve eat sufficient, and [’ll drink no more ; My night is come, I’ve spent a jovial day, Tis time to part, but oh !—what is to pay ?CURIOUS EPITAPHS Randolph Peter Of Oriel the eater. Whoe’er you are, tread softly, I entreat you, For if he chance to wake, be sure he’ll eat you. Here lies Johnny Cole, Who died, on my soul, After eating a plentiful dinner ; While chewing his crust, He was turned into dust, With his crimes undigested—poor sinner. Sr. Mary’s, Yorx. 1696. Accidentally drowned. Nigh to the River Ouse, in York’s fair city, Unto this pretty maid, death shew’d no pity ; As soon as she’d her pail with water filled, Came sudden Death and life like water spilled. STAPLEHURST. Here lies a piece of Heaven (t’others above) Which shortly goes up to the world of love The brightest sweetest angels must convey This spotless virgin on the starry way, That glittering quire sings but a lisping song ’Till she appears amidst the shining throng. 1703. Mary, daughter of W. Mayo. SeLBy, Yorks. 1706. Here lies the body of poor Frank Row, Parish Clerk, and grave stone cutter. And this is writ to let you know, What Frank for others us’d to do, Is now for Frank done by another.130 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Lauper. Alexander Thompson. Here lyes interred an honest man, Who did this churchyard first lie in ; This monument shall make it known That he was the first laid in this ground. Of mason and of masonerie He cutted stones right curiously. To heaven we hope that he is gone, Where Christ is the Chief Corner Stone. WILTON. At twenty years of age I little thought, That hither to this place I should been brought, Therefore as in the Lord I put my trust, I hope I shall be blessed among the Just. 1725. Llizabeth Bell. RupcwiIcx. Here lies the body of Cranley, Doctor Edward Haynes, Who for to maintain his family spar’d not for pains : To ride and to run, to give relief To those that were in pain, in grief. He, the 30th of April, entered Death’s straight gate, In the year of our Lord, one thousand seven hundred and eight. He left behind him when he left this life Two likely sons and a loving wife ; And, about 36 weeks after His wife and relict was brought to bed with a daughter ; Which three we desire may live, Not to beg, but to give. His eldest son Edward, about six years and ten months’ old, His youngest son, John, three, both dapper and bold. Like to most mortals, to his business he was a slave, Catched the small-pox and died, and lies here in his grave.CURIOUS EPITAPHS HeEcpon. Here lyeth the body of William Strutton of Padrington Buried the 18th of May, 1734. Aged 97. Who had, by his first wife, twenty-eight children And by second seventeen Own father to forty-five Grand-father to eighty-six Great grandfather to ninety-seven And great great grandfather to twenty-three In all, two hundred and fifty-one. In Laurence Lideard Churchyard one similar. The man that rests in this grave has had 8 wives, by whom he had 45 children, and 20 grandchildren. He was born rich, lived and died poor, aged 94 years. July 30,1774. Born at Bewdley in Worcestershire in 1650. 1705. On Edward Jones, Gazette Printer of the Savoy. Here lies a Printer, famous in his time! Whose life by lingering sickness did decline ; He lived in credit, and in peace he died, And often had the chance of Fortune tried ; Whose smiles by various methods did promote Him to the favour of the Senate’s vote ; And so became by national consent, The only Printer for the Parliament ; Thus by degrees, so prosp’rous was his fate He left his heirs a very good estate. Epwation, Notts. She drank good ale, good punch and wine And lived to the age of 99. 1741. Rebecca Freeland.132, GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Cuiswick. Here lyes ye clay which the other day inclos’d Sam Sevill’s soul, but now is free and unconfined, she fled and left her clay behind Intombed within this mole May ye 21, 1728 in the 30 year of his age. WolLsTANTON. Ann Jennings. Some have children—some have none Here lies the mother of twenty-one. Eyrie, ABERDEENSHIRE. Erected to the memory of Alexander Gray, some time farmer in Mill of Burns, who died in the 96th year of his age, having had 32 legitimate children by two wives. St. Perer’s East, Oxrorp. > Here lieth the body of Thomas Hearne, M.A., who studied and preserved antiquities. He died June roth, 1735, aged 57 years. But sox, 7. Remember the days of old, consider the years of many generations: ask thy father, and he will shew thee, thy elders, and they will tell thee. St. ANDREW’s, PLyMourTu. Here lies the body of James Vernon, Esq., only surviving son of Admiral Vernon ; died 23rd July, 1723.CURIOUS EPITAPHS St. KaTHERINE’S. March, with his winds, has struck a cedar tall, And weeping April mourn’d the cedar’s fall ; May intends no flowers to bring Because he has lost the flower of the spring. 1740. Susannah Butts, aged 79. Kir-Keet. Here lie the remains of Thomas Nicols who died in Philadelphia, March, 1753. Had he lived he would have been buried here. Under this sod lies John Round Who was lost in the sea and never was found. ARLESFORD. No supervisor’s check he fears Now no Commissioners obey He’s free from cares, intreaties, tears And all the Heavenly Orb surveys. 1750. Benjamin Browne, an Excise Officer. Batiast Hits, Newcast te. When I enjoyed this mortal life, This stone I ordered from Scotland’s Fife, To ornament the burial place Of me, and all my human race. Here lies James, of tender affection, Here lies Isabel, of sweet complexion, Here lies Katherine, a pleasant child, Here lies Mary, of all most mild, Here lies Alexander, a babe most sweet, Here lies Janet, as the Lord saw meet. J. Steel, 1757- Here lies avarice (? averse) to strife A loving and a faithful wife.134 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Two on talkative old maids. Beneath this silent stone is laid A noisy, antiquated maid, Who from her cradle talked till death, And never before was out of breath. Here lies, returned to clay Miss Arabella Young, Who on the first of May Began to hold her tongue. MonkKNEWTON, NEAR DrocuHEDA. Erected by Patrick Kelly, of the town of Drogheda, Mariner, in memory of his Posterity. Also the above Patrick Kelly who departed this life the 12th August, 1844. Aged 60 years. Requiescat in Pace. Another eccentric epitaph from Oxfordshire. Here lies the body of John Eldred, At least he will be here when he is dead ; But now at this time he is alive The 14th of August, sixty-five. BLacpon. With Sappho’s taste, with Arria’s tender heart, Lucretia’s honour, and Cecilia’s art ; That such a woman died surprize can’t give ; *Tis only strange that such an one could live. 1768. Ann Langhorne, aged 32.CURIOUS ERTT Arias DARLINGTON. 1765. Richard Preston, Sexton. (Translated from the Latin.) Under this marble are deposed Poor Preston’s sad remains. Alas! too true for light-robed jest To sing in playful strains. Ye dread possessors of the grave, Who feed on other’s woe, Abstrain from Richard’s small remains And grateful pity shew. For many a weighty corpse he gave To you with liberal hand ; Then sure his little body may Some small respect command. BERMONDSEY. 1770. Will Wylde, needlemaker to Queen Charlotte. Man wants but little, nor that little long ; How soon must he resign his very dust, Which frugal nature lent him but for one hour. MaIpsTONE. Here lies a keeper bred and born To turn his back he thought it scorn He was a man that had good skill Many a brave buck and doe to kill But that bold archer Death, who conquers all, Shot him to the heart and caused him here to fall. In youth or age all flesh must die And turn to dust as well as I. 1773. Thomas Bradshaw, aged 82. K136 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Marston. I would have my neighbours be all kind and mild, Quiet and civil to my dear wife and child. 1768. Robert Loden. In Horsley-Down Church, Cumberland, is to be found this extraordinary epitaph. Here lie the bodies of Thomas Bond and Mary his wife. She was temperate, chaste and charitable But She was proud, peevish and passionate. She was an affectionate wife and a tender mother But her husband and child, whom she loved, Seldom saw her countenance without a disgusting frown, Whilst she received visitors, whom she despised, With an endearing smile. Her behaviour was discreet towards strangers ; But Independent in her family. Abroad, her conduct was influenced by good breeding ; But At home, by ill temper. She was a professed enemy to flattery, and was seldom known to praise or commend ; But The talents in which she principally excelled Were difference of opinion, and discovering flaws and imperfections. She was an admirable economist, And, without prodigality, Dispensed plenty to every person in her family But Would sacrifice their eyes to a farthing candle. She sometimes made her husband happy With her good qualities ;CURIOUS EPITAPHS But Much more frequently miserable—with her many failings. Insomuch that in 30 years cohabitation he often lamented That maugre of all her virtues, He had not, in the whole, enjoyed two years of matrimonial comfort. At length Finding that she had lost the affections of her husband, As well as the regard of her neighbours, Family disputes having been divulged by servants, She died of vexation, July 20, 1768, Aged 48 years. Her worn-out husband survived her four months and two days And departed this life, November 28, 1768 in the 54th year of his age. William Bond, brother to the deceased, erected this stone, as a weekly monitor to the Surviving wives of this parish, That they may avoid the infamy Of having their memories handed to posterity With a Patch-work Character. FOLKESTONE. We far from home did Come Each other for to join, In peace with all men here we Liv’d And did in Love Combine, But oh remark the Strange Yet Heaven’s wise decree, I’m lodged within the silent grave, He’s rouling in the sea. 1777. Martha, wife of Fohn Wells.138 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY On Catherine Hall, celebrated as a tambour worker and an excellent player at whist. Ere my work’s done, my thread is cut ; My hands are cold, my eyesight fails, Stretch’d in my frame, I’m compass’d now, With worms instead of lovely snails !* The game of life is finished too, Another now has ta’en my chair ; Grieved there’s no shuffling after death, I’m gone, alas, the Lord knows where ! Reader, attend, if you in works excel, In bliss eternal you'll hereafter dwell ; And if you play your cards with caution here, Secure to win, the zrump you need not fear. * Chenilles, the silk twist used in tambour work. At Birmingham, in his garden, in a tomb prepared by himself is the following inscription on John Baskerville Died in 1775. Aged 69. Stranger, beneath this cone, in unconsecrated ground, a friend to the liberties of mankind directed his body to be inurn’d. May the example contribute to emancipate thy mind from the idle fears of superstition and the wicked arts of Priesthood. Upper Denton. What I was once some may relate, What I am now is each one’s fate ; What I shall be none can explain, Till he that called, call again. 1777. Margaret Teasdale.CURIOUS EPITAPHS KENSINGTON. Farewell, vain world! I’ve had enough of thee ; I value not what thou canst say of me ; Thy smiles I value not, nor frowns don’t teat All’s one to me, my head is quiet here. What faults you’ve see in me, take care to shun, Go home, and see there’s something to be done. 1776. Thomas Wright. St. Joun’s, STAMFORD. Tho’ hot my name, yet mild my nature, I bore good will to every creature ; I brewed good ale and sold it too, And unto each I gave his due. 1783. William Pepper. Kine Stranizy, Gtos. Twas as she tript from Cask to Cask, In at a bung-hole quickly fell, Suffocation was her task, She had no time to say farewell. 1804. Ann Collins. HoMERSFIELD, SUFFOLK. “ Myself.” As I walked by myself I talked to myself, And thus myself said to me, Look to thyself and take care of thyself For nobody cares for thee. So I turn’d to myself, and I answered myself In the self-same reverie Look to myself or look not to myself The self-same thing will it be. 1810. Robert Crytoft, aged 90.140 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Newtown, GRAVESEND. To the memory of Mr. Alderman Wynn, An honest Man and an excellent Bowler. Full forty years was the Alderman seen The delight of each bowler and king of this green ; As long be remembered his art and his name Whose hand was unerring, unrivalled his game. His bias was good and he always was found To the right way and to enough ground. The Jack to the uttermost verge he would send For the Alderman lov’d a full length at each end. Now mourn every eye that has seen him display The arts of the game and the wiles of his play For the great bowler Death, at one critical cast Has ended his length and close rubb’d him at last. IsLINGTON. She had no fault save what travellers give the moon : Her light was lovely, but she died too soon. 1808. Elizabeth Emma Thomas, aged 27. John Webster. Died 1809, aged 8. (Killed by a cart-wheel going over his head.) Ye little children that survey, The emblemed wheel that crush’d me down, Be cautious, as you careless play, For shafts of death fly thick around. Still rapid drives the car of time, Whose wheels one day shall crush you all; The cold, low bed that now is mine, Will soon be that of great and small.CURIOUS EPITAPHS Sroxe NewiINncTon. (An epitaph containing some practical advice.) This tomb was erected by William Picket, of the City of London, goldsmith, on the melancholy death of his daughter Elizabeth. A testimony of respect from greatly afflicted parents. In memory of Elizabeth Picket, spinster, who died December 11, 1781. Aged 23 years. this much lamented young person expired in consequence of her clothes taking fire the preceding evening. Reader, if ever you should witness such an affecting scene ; recollect that the only method to extinguish the flame is to stifle it by an immediate covering. So unaffected, so composed a maid, So firm, yet soft ; so stout yet so refined ; Heav’n as pure gold, by flaming tortures try’d. The angel bore them, but the mortal dyed. Not. a sparrow falls On the ground without Our Heavenly Father. Jovincron, Sussex. 1808. Two children, aged 13 and 7. Samuel and John Purland. Parents dear, weep not for we Though we were drowned in the sea ’Twas God that did ordain it so ; And when he calls we all must go.142 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY St. Anprew’s, NeEwcasTLe. Mary, wife of Robert M’Cutchin, Sergeant in the Grenadier Guards, died May 11, 1781 in the 27th year of her age. In all our marriage vows, she did fulfill And fondly sought her husband, thro’ the dead on Bunker’s Hill. At many actions more, and at the Brandy-Wine, She lov’d her husband so, she would not stay behind. Till now by cruel Death’s dread dart, She is left behind, and forc’d to part Tull the last trump, when Gabriel sounds amain She’ll rise, embrace and join again. LAWRENCE PounTNEY. 1784. Passenger spare to obliterate the name of Charles Rogers, whose body is here deposited, unless you are convinced that he hath injured you by word or deed. Henry Hudson, late Hat-maker, Fore Street, who died June, 1787, while eating his Breakfast. Ah! stamp not rudely on Hal Hudson’s bed Tho’ oft he’s stampt upon your nation’s head ; For he was authorized, nay forced to do it, Or else he’d been full sorely made to rue it— Making a meal this good hat-maker died And merrily, ’tis said, to his own Maker hied.CURIOUS EPITAPHS Messenger Monsey, M.D., 1788, aged 96. Here lie my old limbs, my vexation now ends, For I’ve lived much too long for myself and my friends ; As for Churchyards and grounds which the parsons call Holy, Tis a rank piece of priestcraft and founded in folly ; In short, I despise them ; and as for my soul, Which may mount the last day with my bones from this Hole ; I think that it really hath nothing to fear From the God of mankind, whom I truly revere ; What the next world may be, little troubles my pate ; If not better than this, I beseech thee, oh! Fate, When the bodies of millions fly up in a riot To let the old carcase of Monsey be quiet. HANSLOPE. Strong and athletic was my frame ; Far from my native home I came, And manly fought with Simon Byrne ; Alas! but liv’d not to return. Reader, take warning by my fate, Lest you should rue your case too late ; If you have ever fought before, Determine now to fight no more. Gayton, Norruants. 1600. On William Houghton. Neere fourscore years have I tarryed To this mother to be marryed ; One wife I had, and children ten, God bless the living, Amen, Amen. era a & eae J h | f 2 } | }144 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Hutron. In memory of Donald Campbell, Esq. of Barbreek, N.B. He died June 5th, 1801, aged 53 years. With talents and a heart that might have rendered him useful in Society in his career through life, he unfortunately ran to the wrong side of the post, and owing to peculiar circumstances, has experi- enced a good deal of worldly persecution, but looks up to a merciful God (who always knows our most inmost motives) for everlasting bliss. Robert Sleath. Died 1805. He kept the turnpike gate at Worcester, and demanded toll from His Majesty, on his visit to Bishop Hand and from this circumstance he was known as “ the man who stopped the King.” On Wednesday last old Robert Sleath Passed through the turnpike gate of Death ‘To him would Death no toll abate, Who stopped the King at Worcester gate. Sr. Marcaret’s, WESTMINSTER. 1597. In Parliament, a Burgess Cole was placed, In Westminster the like for many years, But now with Saints above his Soul is graced, And lives a Burgess with Heav’ns Royal Peers. WINCHESTER COLLEGE. I54I. Beneath this stone shut up in the dark, A fellow and a priest, yclep’d John Clark ; With earthly rose-water he did delight ye, But now he deals in heavenly aqua vite.CURIOUS EPITAPHS Auton, Hants. Fair Virtue’s up old 'Time’s the Auctioneer A lot so lovely can’t be bought too dear, Be quick in your biddings ere you are too late, Time will not dwell, the hammer will not wait. 1814. Foseph Fardan, Auctioneer. Otpv Men’s Hospirat, Norwicu. In memory of Mrs. Phoebe Crewe who died May 28, 1817, aged 77 years. Who, during forty years practise as a midwife in this City, brought into the world nine thousand seven hundred and thirty children. Thomas Pyle. Died 1823. Aged 15. Here lies a son, whose tender life To a mother’s heart most dear, Bereft of life through wicked strife Who once was all her care. By pugilism, a shameful sight, To every mother’s eyes, That dimmed the heavenly orbs of light, Which fore’d convulsive cries. But still my hope shall ever be, Though folly closed his life, That he’s in heaven, from troubles free From vanity and strife. Then let all youths a warning take At his untimely fate, And call on God for mercy’s sake, Before it is too late.1446 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY At Walton-on-Thames. Died 1842. Aged 48. William Maginn, L.L.D. Here, early to bed, lies kind William Maginn, Who with genius, wit, learning, Life’s trophies to win, Had neither great Lord nor rich cit of his kin, Nor discretion to set himself up as to him ; So his portion soon spent (like the poor heir of Lynn) He turned author, ere yet there was beard on his chin, And, whoever was out, or whoever was in, For your Tories his fine Irish brains he would spin, Who received prose and rhyme with a promising grin— “Go ahead, you queer fish, and more power to your fin,” But to stave from starvation stirred never a pin. Light for long was his heart, tho’ his breeches were thin, Else his acting for certain, was equal to Quin; But at last he was beat, and sought help of the bin, (All the same to the doctor from claret to gin), Which led swiftly to gaol, and consumption therein. It was much, when the bones rattled loose in the skin, He got leave to die here—out of Babylon’s din. Barring drink and the girls, I ne’er heard a sin: Many worse, better few, than bright broken Maginn. F. G. Lockhart. N.B.—Dr. Maginn is said to be the original of Thackeray’s “Captain Shandy.” On King Henry VIIIth’s Jester. Stay Traveller, guess who lies here : I tell thee neither Lord nor Peer, No Knight, no Gentleman of Note, That boasts him of his antient Coate, Which Herald’s curiously emblazon, For men (well skilled therein) to gaze on ;CURIOUS EPITAPHS Know then, that this was no such man And I’ll express him as I can: He that beneath this Tombstone lies Some called him Fool, some held him wise ; For which, who better proof can bring, Than to be favoured by a King: And yet again, we may misdoubt him A King hath always fools about him. Is he more idiot than the rest Who in a guarded coat can jest ? Or can he wisdom’s honour gain That is all bravery, and no brain f Since no such things ; Wit truly bred, L’ th’ Habit lies not, but 7 th’ Head. But whether he was fool or knave, He now lies sleeping in his grave, Who never in his life found match, Unless the Cardinal’s fool call’d Patch : Of whom some courtiers who did see Them two alone, might say, we three. And may be feared it is a phrase, That may be used in these our days. Well, more of him what should I say, Both fools and wise men turn to clay ; And this is all we have to trust, That there’s no difference in their dust ; Rest quiet then beneath this Stone, To whom late Archy was a Drone. Att Hattows, Breap STREET. Snow, the King’s Trumpeter. Thaw every breast, melt every eye with woe, Here’s dissolution by the hand of Death ! To dirt, to water, turned the fairest Snow, O! the King’s trumpeter has lost his breath. oe — ES ee = See148 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY St. BENNET’s. 1594. Here lieth Katherine Prettyman A mayde of seventeen yeeres, In Suffolk born, in London bred, As by her death appears. With nature’s gifts she was adorned, Of honest birth and kin, Her virtuous mind, with modest grace, Did love of many win. But when she should with honest match Have liv’d a wedded life, Stay there, quoth Jove, the world is nought, For she shall be my wife. And Death, since thou hast done thy due, Lay nuptial rites aside, And follow her into the grave, That should have been your Bride ; Whose honest life, and faithful end, Her patience therewithal, Doth plainly shew, that she with Christ, Now lives, and ever shall. Cricu, Drrsysuire. Circa 1590. On a family named Claye. Souls they are made of Heavenly spirit : From whence they come ye heavens inherite. But know that bodyes made of Claye : Death will devoure by night or daye Yett is hee as hee was I saye: He living and dead remayneth Claye. His verye name that nature gave : Is now as shalbe in his grave. ‘Tymes doth teache, experience tryes : That Claye to duste the winde up dryes. Then this a wonder compt wee must : That want of wind should make Claye dust.CURIOUS EPITAPHS In a CuHuRCHYARD AT CHESTER. On a crockery dealer. Beneath this stone lies Catherine Gray, Changed to a lifeless lump of clay ; By earth and clay she got her pelf, And now she’s turned to earth herself. Ye weeping friends, let me advise, Abate your tears and dry your eyes ; For what avails a flood of tears? Who knows but in a course of years, In some tall pitcher or brown pan, She in her shop may be again. BATTERSEA. 1613. Hugh Morgan. Sleepeth here in peace: whom men did late admire for worthful parts. To Queen Elizabeth he was chief ’pothecary, till her death. And in his science as he did excel In her high favour he always did dwell. To God religious, to all men kind, Frank to the poor, rich in content of mind. These were his virtues, in these died he, When he had liv’d an 100 years and 3. CANNINGTON. She to gain love did AMYable live, And Sara like to her Lord honour give ; Bare him ten children ; chastly bred them, free From superstition and impiette. Answer’d her worthy parents worth, and dyed A patterne to her sexe to shun vaine pride. 1621. Amy St. Barbe, aged 33. SS a SS ee ee150 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY UckFIELD. I610. John Fuller. Now I am dead and laid in grave, And that my bones are rotten, By this shall I remembered be, Or else I am forgotten. Someone has made a bull in imitating this in the Churchyard of Michaelchurch, Herts. John Prosser is my name, and England is my nation. Bowchurch is my dwelling place and Christ is my salvation. Now I am dead and in my grave, and all my bones are rotten As you pass by, remember me, when I am quite forgotten. Sr. Mary Key, Ipswicn. 1618. Mary Cleere. Cleere was my name, my life was also clear Like name like life, for I the light did love Earst that this life I left this did appear Even unto men as unto God above. Remit who did my sins, my fears remove Ere that he call’d my soul to Christ my Love. Norwicu CATHEDRAL. 1621. William Inglott. Here William Inglott, Organist doth rest, Whose Art in Musick this Cathedral blest, For Descant most, for Voluntary all, He past on Organ, Song and Verginall. He left this life at age of Sixty-seven,CURIOUS EPITAPHS And now ’mongst Angels sings in Heaven, His Fame flies far, his Name shall never die, See Art and Age here crown his memorie. Other epitaphs to musicians are found. One dated 1645 is to the memory of William Lawes, killed at the siege of West Chester. Concord is conquered ; in this urn there lies The Master of Great Musick’s Mysteries ; And in it is a riddle like the cause Will Lawes was slain by those whose Wills were Lawes. Ar Norwicu. 1669. On Richard Yleward. Here lyes a perfect Harmonie Of Truth and Faith and Loyaltie, And whatsoever Vertues can, Be reckoned up, was in this man, His sacred ashes here abide, Who in God’s service lived and died. But now by Death advanced higher, To serve in the Celestial Quire. God Save the King. At KimBertey. 1678. John§Jenkins. Aged 86. Under this stone rare Jenkins lye ‘The Master of the Musick Art, Whom from the Earth, the God on high, Called up to him, to bear his Part. Aged 86. October 27 In Anno 78, He went to Heaven. - Maret S — SS a a -_152 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY In LLANFILANTWTHYL CHURCHYARD. Under this stone lies Meredith Morgan, Who blew the bellows of our Church Organ ; Tobacco he hated, to smoke most unwilling, Yet never so pleased as when pipes he was filling ; No reflection on him for rude speech could be cast, Tho? he gave our old organist many a blast. No puffer was he Tho’ a capital blower ; He could fill double G And now lies a note lower. BLUNTSHAM. 1621. On a wrestler. St. Here lies the Conqueror conquered, Valiant as ever England bred ; Whom neither art, nor steel, nor strength Could e’er subdue, till death at length Threw him on his back, and here he lyes In hopes hereafter to arise. Her’ rest gives me a rest less life Because she was a virtuous wife ; But yet I rest in hopes to see That daye of Christ and then see thee. Fames Barker, 1622. Aged 44. Perer’s, OxrForb. Here lyeth Dr. Rawlinson’s two younger daughters ; Elizabeth, who died May 21, 1624, and Dorothy, who died Jan 10, 1629. Two little sisters lie under this stone Their Mothers were two, their Fathers but one. At 5 years old departed the younger,The elder lived 9 years 5 days and no longer. Learn hence ye young gallants to cast away laughter, As soon comes the lamb as the sheep to the slaughter. Norwicu. My time is short, the longer is my rest God calls them soonest whom he loves the Best. 1629. Henry Best. Many other punning epitaphs belong to this date. Ar Sr. Gites’, Herts. 1631. Anne Poure. Pour, Rich was in the spirit Anne Poure, Rich Poure by Christ’s merit. Sr. AucusTINE’s. (On a brass plate) Wm. Lamb. Oh! Lamb of God! which sin didn’t take away, And as a Lamb was offered up for sin, Where I poor Lamb, went from thy flock astray Yet Thou O Lord vouchsafe thy Lamb to win Home to thy flock, and hold thy Lamb therein. That at the day when Lambs and Goats shall sever Of thy choice Lambs, Lamb may be one for ever. SouTHWOLD. Thomas Gardiner, Historian of Southwold and Denwich, buried with his two wives, Honor and Virtue. Between Honor and Virtue, here doth lie The remains of Old Antiquity. CURIOUS EPITAPHS 153 a ee ee a a bir eA Soe154 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Low Leyton. Elizabeth Wood. Wail not, my Wood, thy Trees untimely fall, They were but Leaves that Autumn’s blast could spoil ; The Bark bound up, and some fair Fruit withal, Transplanted only, she exchanged her soil, She is not dead, she did but fall to rise And leave the Woods to live in Paradise. PEEBLES. Thos. Hope and Children. | Here lie three Hopes enclosed within Death’s prisoners by Adam’s sin, Yet rest in hope that they shall be Set by the second Adam free. ELSTREE. This extraordinary effusion is on a wife named Olive. Behold and know how heaven is repossest Of her sweet soul whose corps interred doth rest Near to this place ; for silence would her wrong If that my Muse had not addrest this song Of sacred trophies in her vertuous praise, Which cannot die, but must survive always. A fruitful peaceful Olive was her name, So was her Life, her Death, her Faith the same ; Emblem’d by Dove with Olive leaf in bill Which show’d glad Noah God had done his will, And forc’d the swelling Deluge Flood resort To channels low, in bank, in bounds their port ; This Olive lived much more content with me, Than did this Dove, good Noah, in ark with thee,CURIOUS EPITAPHS And brought me Olive branch to glad my heart, As Dove rejoiced, the ceasing floating part, And then with ghost did penetrate the skies More high than Dove, beyond object of eyes ; Her heart, her mind, her Soul, and Faith most pure, Were link’t in Christ so stedfast and so sure, As helped her soul more high than Dove could fie, Now therefore Noah, thy Dove I must pass by ; Mounting the heavens by wings of faith Her soul’s aspect discharged of sin and pain ; Where hope assures and puts me out of doubt That this late Olive mine is round about, Beset with God’s favour and mercy seat, And with his love of all his joys for meat, Which power shall adamantine wise restore Her corps to suit which clad her soul before. Dignified, glorified, eternized Sanctified at last, as first baptized. In Bucks. On a Shepherd named Faithful. Faithful lived and Faithful died, Faithful shepherded on the hill-side— The hills so wide, the fields surround, In the day of judgment he’ll be found. GaTEsHEAD, DuruAM. On a Newcastle architect. Here lies Robert Trollope, Who made yon stones roll up : When death took his soul up His body filled this hole up.166 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY St. Marre’s, SANDWICH. My resting road is found Vain hope and hap adieu, Love whom you list Death hath me rid from you. The Lord did me from London bring To lay my body close herein I was my father’s only heir, And the first my mother bare. But before one year was spent The Lord his messenger for me sent. 1635. Robert Needler. In the North Chapel, outside the Priest’s Door, Kings- bridge Church, Devon, is to be found the following epitaph in memory of : “Robert, commonly called Bone (due to he being the chief parish gravedigger), Phillip died 1795.” Here lie I at the Chapel door, Here lie I because I’m poor, The farther in the more you'll pay, Here lie I as warm as they. An interesting subject of research is that of various tradesmen’s epitaphs scattered up and down the country. Here is one from Upton-on-Severn. Beneath this stone in hopes of Zion Doth lie the landlord of the Lion ; His son keeps on the business still, Resigned unto the heavenly will. Briefer still is the inscription over the grave of a departed hostler, to be found in Frodsham Churchyard. Here is Lays, Killed by a chaise.CURIOUS EPITAPHS In the Churchyard of St. Mary, Cheltenham, may be seen a flat stone to the memory of John Higgs, pig-killer. Here lies John Higgs, A famous man for killing pigs, For killing pigs was his delight, Both morning, afternoon, and night, Both heats and colds he did endure, Which no physician could e’er cure. His knife is laid, his work is done ; I hope to heaven his soul is gone. In an old Fifeshire churchyard is said to be the following. Here lies my gude and gracious Auntie Whom Death has packed in his portmanty. Another absurdity is the well-meaning, but unfortunately expressed, inscription on another Scottish tombstone. Erected to the memory of John MacFarlane Drowned in the Water of Leith By a few affectionate friends. BERKELEY, GLOUCESTERSHIRE, Here lies the Duke of Suffolk’s fool, Men called him Dickey Pearce ; His folly served to make folks laugh When wit and mirth were scarce. Poor Dick, alas! is dead and gone, What signifies to cry, Dickeys enough are still behind To laugh at by-and-by. Buried 18 of June, MDCCXXVIII. My Lord that’s gone made himself much sport of him. Swift.158 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Betturset, IRELAND. Here lies John Higley, whose father and mother were drowned in their passage from America; had they both lived they would have been buried here. One sometimes wonders when noting a quaintly-worded epitaph on a time-worn tombstone, whether our descendents will find the twentieth century memorials an interesting field for research. Somehow the modern inscriptions seem to lack the pleasant spontaneity, the good, human ring which is so refreshing to discover in the older ones. Doubt. less ours is a sterner philosophy. It was no dour cynic who inscribed above a Hertfordshire bricklayer these lines : Silent in dust lies mould’ring here A Parish Clerk of voice most clear : None Joseph Rogers could excel In laying bricks or singing well. There is a glint of humour, too—of a different kind, and possibly unintentional—in this from Oxted Parish Church : “Let this patterne of piety, mapp of misery, mirrour of patience, here rest.” But for deliberate irony we must go to the sly fellow who cut in stone above his friend the short suggestive words: “ John Burns.” Rocuparz, Lancs. “Tim Bobbin’s Grave (John Collier, 1786) Here lies John, and with him Mary, Cheek by jowl, and never vary ; No wonder that they so agree, John wants no punch, and Moll no tea.CURIOUS EPITAPHS Aston, CUMBERLAND. Here lies poor Jones, Who all his life collected bones ; But death, that great and grisly spectre, That most amazing bone collector, Hath boned poor Jones, so neat and tidy, That here he lies in bona-fide. BANGoR. Poor Martha Snell, her’s gone away, Her would if her could, but her couldn’t stay, Her had two bad legs and a badish cough, But her legs it was that carried her off. BEDWELTY, NEAR '['REDEGAR. On the Tombstone of a Wife. This poor man wept and the Lord heard him and delivered him out of all his troubles. Pewsry, WILTs. Here lies the Body of Lady o’ Looney. Great niece of Burke commonly called the Sublime. She was Bland, Passionate, and deeply Religious, also she painted in water colours and sent several pictures to the exhibition. She was first cousin * to Lady Jones and of such is the Kingdom of Heaven.160 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY Dunovet. Here lies John, late Mayor of Dundee, Here lies Him, here lies He, Ane Cid Bt. Di Do Dum, Di, Do, Dee. St. Micuarw’s, ABERYSTWYTH. To memory of a young man, a hosier, near Nottingham, who had a sweetheart named Hannah. He left his hose, his Hannah, and his love To sing Hosannahs in the world above. BIDEFORD. Here lies the Landlord of “ The Lion,” His hopes removed to lands of Sion, His wife, resigned to Heaven’s will, Will carry on the business still. (Two Years Later) Here lies the Landlord’s loving wife, Her soul removed from lands of strife. She’s gone aloft her spouse to tell The Inn he left her turned out well. Tue Istz or Wicnt. Here lies the body of William Smith of London, who came here and died for the benefit of his health. ULsTER. Erected to the Memory of John Phillips Accidentally Shot As a mark of affection by his brother.CURIOUS EPITAPHS GRANTHAM. John Palfreyman, who is buried here, Was aged four and twenty year, And near this place his body lies ; Likewise his father—when he dies. In memory of who died of cholera morbus, caused by eating green fruit In the certain hope of a blessed immortality Reader, go thou & do likewise. Bunuity Fiexps. Here lies Dame Mary Page Relect of Sir Gregory Page, Bart. She departed this life March 4, 1728 aged 56. In 67 months she was tapped 66 times. Had taken away from her 240 gallons of water—without ever repining at her case. Of such is the Kingdom of Heaven. Also another, which is interesting as an example of killing two birds with one epitaph, is from Bideford Church. Here lies the body of Sarah Sexton, She was a wife that never vexed one. I can’t say as much for her on the next stone. Houmer, Hererorp. A virtuous woman is $s to her husband. (“ A crown a was meant, but the mason had not space.)162 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY’ CoierNne, WILTSHIRE. In memory of Jonathan Southward, Butcher, who died, February 19th, 1727. Aged, 37. Also ‘Thomas Southward Butcher, who died April 16, 1777 Aged 60. By these inscriptions, be it understood, My occupation was in shedding blood, And many a beast by me was weekly slain, Hunger to ease, and mortals to maintain. Now here I rest from sin and sorrow free, By means of Him who shed his blood for me. From a Cheshire tombstone of John Webb, landlord of the Red Lion. In life a jovial sot was he, He died from inebriete. A cup of burnt canary sack, To Earth from Heaven would bring him back. While that of a young baby from Somersetshire is also distinctly quaint. Here am I, the last of seven, And yet the first to enter Heaven. From St. Pancras, London, on the grave of a Mr. Talbot. Here lies—believe it if you can— Who though a lawyer was an honest man ; To him the gates of heaven shall open wide ! And quickly close ’gainst all the tribe beside !CURIOUS EPITAPHS The following epitaph on a railway porter is distinctly neat. He climbed the dizzy steepes of Heaven Through peril, toil and pain, O God to us may grace be given To follow in “ the train.” The following epitaph on an old lady is said to be original. Constance Bevon, wife of John Lies beneath this marble stone ; Fat and busom, round and stout, "T'was apoplexy bowled her out. Sr. Acnzs, CoRNWALL. Here lies the body of Joan Carthew, Born at St. Columb, died at St. Cue.; Children she had five, Three are dead and two alive ; Those that are dead choosing rather To die with their mother than live with their father | JERSEY. To a Brewer. Here lies poor Burton, He was both hale and stout ; Death laid him on his bitter bier, Now in another world he hops about. Another epitaph on a fat woman. “¢ All flesh is grass,” The Scriptures they do say, And grass when dead Is turnéd into hay. Now when the reapers her away do take, Moi what a wopping haystack she will make. a Ee eee ee.1644 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY SPARTA, CALIFORNIA. In memory ov John Smith, who met wierlent death near this spot, 18 hunderd and 40 too. He was shot by his own pistill. It was not one of the new kind, but a old-fashioned brass barrel, and of such is the Kingdom of Heaven. Honest lawyers must indeed be rare! Here is an inscrip- tion on a tomb in Pelynt Church, Cornwall, on the grave of Edward Trelawney, barrister. Oh! what a bubble, vapour, puff of breath, A nest of worms, a lump of pallid earth, Is mud-walled man! Before we mount on high We cope with change, we wander after day. Here lyes an honest lawyer, wot you what A thing for all the world to wonder at ! This turf has drank a Widow’s tear ; ‘Three of her husbands Slumber here. A Bitter Memory. Some time ago it was reported that Mr. G. Winch was chairman at a dinner given by a Maidstone brewing firm. In merry mood he suggested his own epitaph. G. Winch, the Brewer, lies buried here, In life he was both h-ale and stout ; Death brought him to his bitter bier ; Now in Heaven he hops about.CURIOUS EPITAPHS 165 Montrose. 1757. Here lyes—the bodeys of George Young and Isabel Guthrie and all their posterity for more than fifty years backward. The following epitaph is alleged to be on a country © parson’s grave. The horse bit the parson, How came that to pass ? The horse heard the parson say, All flesh is grass. The following epitaph is said to be seen at Sunderland. Here lies the body of Andrew Gear, Whose mouth did stretch from ear to ear ; Stranger, step lightly o’er his head, For if he gapes, by Josh, you’re dead. Monumental masons have sometimes amusing experiences. One relates that being requested by the disconsolate weeping widow of one of his late fellow townsmen to place on the slab of her dear departed the words: “ My sorrow is greater than I can bear,” he took care to space the sentence so that room was left for an addition. A few months later she called to inquire how much it would cost to efface the inscription and substitute another. “No need of that, marm,” he answered soothingly, “ you see there’s jes’ room to add ‘ alone.’ ” Here lies John Wood, that good old man, We ne’er shall see him more ; He used to wear a long blue coat All buttoned down before.166 GRAVEYARD HUMOUR AND EULOGY While the old churchyard of Rhayader, in Radnorshire, was being demolished, some years ago, a tombstone was unearthed which bore the following “in memoriam” verse. I plant these shrubs upon your grave, dear wife, That something on this spot may boast of life. Shrubs must wither and all earth must rot ; Shrubs may revive: but you, thank heaven, will not. This is reported from Monmouthshire, in which county the following is inscribed on a single-slab stone stile into the graveyard at Llanvair Discoed : Whoever heres on Sonday Will practis playing at ball, It may be before Monday The Devil will have you all. The sad end of Mary Ann Lowder is told in her epitaph in Burlington Churchyard : Here lies the body of Mary Ann Lowder, She burst while drinking a seidlitz powder, Called from this world to her heavenly rest, She should have waited till it effervesced. Dr. Kaye, medical officer for the West Riding of Yorkshire, some time ago spoke about the folly of tight lacing, and quoted the following epitaph, entitled ‘“ Mary’s Little Corset,” : Mary had a little waist, She laced it smaller still ; A stone o’er Mary has been placed Out on the silent hill. And on that stone these words are writ, “Oh, let us hope she’s gone, ‘Where angels never care a bit “**Bout what they have got on.”CURIOUS EPITAPHS Those who are rash in removing their heavy flannels too early in the spring may learn wisdom from the fate of Uncle Peter Daniels, as described on his tombstone in an American town. Beneath this stone, a lump of clay, Lies Uncle Peter Dan’els, Who, early in the month of May, Took off his winter flannels. Another American epitaph is suggestive. Beneath this plain pine board is lying The body of Joshua Hight, “Cheer up,” the parson told him, dying ; “Your future’s very bright.” Slowly the sick man raised his head, His weeping friends amazing. “ Parson, it’s most too bright,” he said, “ For I can see it blazing!” Two more Transatlantic epitaphs. The first, in a Nevada burial ground, runs: “Sacred to the memory of Hank Monk, the Whitest, Biggest-hearted, and Best Stage-driver of the West, who was Kind to All, Thought Ill of None. He lived in a Strange Era, and was a Hero; and the Wheels of his Coach are now Ringing on Golden Streets.” The second also belongs to the Far West: “To Lem S. Frame, who during his life shot 89 Indians, whom the Lord delivered into his hands, and who was looking forward to making up his hundred before the end of the year, when he fell asleep in Jesus at his house at Hawk’s Ferry, March 27, 1843. Two ladies were discussing their debts. Said one: “T can’t pay a single bill. If I died to-morrow two words would make me a suitable epitaph: ‘ Account rendered.’ ” “ Oh, said the other, “ one word would be enough for me: PSettled,’ ” M nee Sh a at — - ae — ae ~~ Se ee ~ “