0 ILLINOIS UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS AT URBAN A CHAMPAIGN PRODUCTION NOTE University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library Brittle Books Project, 2015.COPYRIGHT NOTIFICATION In Public Domain. Published prior to 1923. This digital copy was made from the printed version held by the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. It was made in compliance with copyright law. Prepared for the Brittle Books Project, Main Library, University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign by Northern Micrographics Brookhaven Bindery La Crosse, Wisconsin 2015THE ACTING DRAMA, Z>\Z No 167 A GAME OF BILLIARDS NEW YORK No. 9 Mubbay Street.ikKjjgHh THE AMATEUE STAGE. 1 GAME OF BILLIARDS. A TEMPERANCE SKETCH, IN ONE SCENE, BY McDebmott & Truibls# NEW YORK: HAPPY HOURS COMPANY, No. 1 CHAMBERS STREET.A GAME OF BILLIAKDS. DRAMATIS PERSONiE. Haeey Matlie. Maey Maylie, (His wife,) Noeah. COSTUME.—MODEBN. PKOPEKTIES. Covered table. Two chairs. Lounge. "Writing materials, v pet. Key to door in flat. Vest, with roll of bills in pocket, for Mak Soft felt hat on table for Haeey. Folded paper (representing pledg< for "Haeey to sign. •Entered according to act of Congress in the year 1875, by Happy Hours Compan in the office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. *#* There is no charge for the performance of this sketch.A GAME OF BILLIARDS. I " —Boom in Harry Maylie'b house, in third grooves. Boor r.f., v uow l.f., covered table and two chairs r. Soft felt hat and t oriting materials on table. Lounge s.e.l. Carpet down. Harry May lie discovered walking up and down* 1 lar. Confound that game of billiards! I wish I had never learned to hold a cue. Now, if any man had ever told me I would be ass enough to deliberately net to work and loso my whole month's salary at a billiard table, I'd have called him a fool and a liar ; and Mi, I've most certainly gone and done it. Yes, Harry May-lie, you di ot, you've got through with a hundred dollars in fine style, and rec eived as collaterals nothing more than tho shame of coming home •driuuk and the misery of a sick headache in the morning. By Jove! but;my head does ache now ; and the thought of having to face Mary makes it worse. If I only had twenty dollars or so left, I would put $, boldface to the matter, and tell her all; but, as it is—hang it! wh'ere the deuce did all that money go? I know I spent fifteen or twemty at the Billiard Booms, and a few dollars more oil the road up; buf- more than that I certainly can't account for ; I cannot have been robbed, for George Parkes and Tom Dudley were with me all the timte. Pshaw! ('Mary sings outside.) Good gracious, there's Mary ! what shall I do ? I'm as' nervous as a cat. I think I'll shoot over to Farley's and brace up on a cocktail. Perhaps I can carry it off, better then. (Snatches hat from table, and exits d.f. pnter Mary l , icith a waistcoat in her hands. She runs to door. Mary. (Galling off.) Harry ! Harry ! There! he's off, after all. Ashamed of himself, I suppose. Dear, dear me ! I can appreciate u OF ILL LIB.4 A GAME OF BILLIARDS. the feelings of poor women with drunken husbands, now. Only to think of my Harry coming home in such a state, and acting as he did, and smelling so of liquor. 3 never was an advocate t telism, but from this hour my mind is changed; what wouk n say if she knew? Poor Harry ! he must feel dreadfully this moan- ing ; I was going to rate lnm about tos«ing his favorite vest into a comer as he did, but I think I won't now. (Feeling vestpock(^) Why, what'fl this ? (Drawing oat a roll of notes.) Well, I deela re f (Counting.) Seventy-five dollars ! Good gracious ! where did tl ever come feofrr ? Aha, Mafcter Harry ! (Laughing.), So that is i 3 reason you didn't c&re to &Co nie tijiHritoriiing; y oix thought you bad lost all your money, and feared that I would ask you for some. Well, we'll see, now, if this mistake cannot be turned to good ac- count. (Walking up and down.) Let me see, let me see now. (Stopping suddenly.) Norah ! Norah ! Norah, I say ! * Norah. (Off Jj.) Yis, ma'am! 4 Mary. I think I can arrange a ltttle plot that will open Harry's eyes to his folly better than any words of mine ; for I couldn't talk harshly to him, and men are so obstinate of opinion— Enter Norah i. Mary. Ah, Norah! Norah. Did ye call me, ma'am ? Mary. Yes ; I want you to do something for me. Norah. Yis, ma'am. -V Mary. But you must be particular in attending to it properly. Norah. Oh yis, ma'am ; niver fear. : Mary. When your—(looking off at window)—but wait a moniemt.1 I see Mr. Maylie coming across the street. Come into the kitch€;% and I'll explain what I want. (Exit Mary and Norah, l. Harry is heard humming a tuni outside. M Enter Harry d.f. lie looks around, and stops singing. ."■v£ Har. Confound it! all the benefit of the air lost; I tried my b ejsl« to make a good, lighthearted entrance, and here's the room emp ty, ? the good impression lost, and my courage oozing out at my finger \ ends, as if it were doing so on a wager. ( Walking up and down.) I wish I hadn't taken that drink ; I feel a deal worse now than I did; before. I'll be hanged if 1 don't think it's a mistake to drink whiskey to strengthen the nerves. Mary. (Entering lJ Sodol. Ear. (Starting.) Eh, what! Confound it! what a start you gave me, Mary! Mary. (Mockingly petting him. ) Poor little baby! were its nerves we&k this morning? was its little— * Har. (Impatiently stamping foot.) Oh ! hang it, Mary! retires up.) JSfow I have done it! she's angry now, in a minute indiSV k KM** Of TtTTT,TATfcTVfi. $ she'll be drying, and I can't afford a new bonnet to dry her eyes. Confound that spree ! ( Going up.) Mary! Mary. (Coming down.) Don't Mary ine, sir. liar. (Following her.) But Mary— Mary. ( Going up.) How dare you treat me bo, Kir ? . Har. (Aside.) Confound it! (Taking her hand.) But Mary— . Mary. (Shaking him off.) Don't touch me, sir ; after last night, I'should think you'd be ashamed to look me in the face. .Har. (Aside.) Perhaps I am. (Aloud) Now, look her^ Mary. How dare you stamp your foot at me ! Har. Oh, hang it! but—why, you're laughing, Mary. (Laughing heartily.) Who could help it? Ha ! ha ! ha ! ha ! Why, you. poor, foolish, nonsenaical Harry ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! Har. ( Vexed.) It's very funny, isn't it? Mary. (Laughing.) Ha! ha! ha! ha! Har. (Getting angry.) I should think you could find some more appropriate object for your mirth than your husband. Mary, (Laughing.) Never! Ha! ha ! ha ! flat. Never, eh ? Well, by Jove ! .Matj. ( Walking up and down, laughing. Aside.) I think the pfan will work. liar. (Imitating her.) Ha ! ha ! ha ! ( Walking up and down.) He! he! he! he! (Runs against Nokah entering, i>.) Well, What the deuce do you want, clodhopper? Norah. Is it me, a clodhopper ? Har. Hold your tongue ; what do you want? Norah. " Hould me tongue ; what do I want?" An' clodhopper, too. Faith, Misther Maylie, it's good ye have a clodhopper loike me to giv yer creditors the go bye. liar. Give my creditors the go by ? What do you mean ? Norah. I mane what I say. Clodhopper, is it? Har. Will you, or will you not, talk plain English ! Norah. Plain Inglish, is it? Bedad, it's plainer Inglish than ye'll be wan tin* to hear, maybe. Mary. (Coming down.) Come, come Norah! Speak out, whit is it? Norah. Well, ma'am, I will spake out. The milkman was axin' for his money. Mary. Oh, very well ; we'll pay him at once. Har. (Aside.) Will we, though? Norah. An' the butcher an* the grocer, ma'am ; they won't thrust widout their mouth's bills is paid. Mary. Pshaw! is that all? I'll go and pay them myself, directly. • Har. ( Groaning, aside.) How coolly she takes it Mary. Is that all, Norah ? Norah. Yis at present. Har. (Savagely.) At present! what do you mean? (Exit Norah6 A GAME OF^lpILLIAKDS. Zu, grinning.) 'Pon my soul, Mary, that girl is becoming excessively impertinent. ^ Mary. (Quietly.) Why, I don't see that she is, Hany. Har. Then you must be blind. Mary. (Aside.) There are none so blind as those that won't see. (Aloud.) Come now, Harry ; let me have fifty dollars, and 111 • step out and pay those bills. Har. Oli yes, certainly. By the bye, Mary, I've something to tell you. (Aside.) Confound it! what shall I say? Mary. Yery well; only be quick, for I want to order the meat for dinner. liar. ( Silting down.) Well, yesterday morning— Mary. (Stopping him.) Hold on, Harry ; if it's a long story, I'd better attend to those bilk first. Har. Oh, pshaw! Let them wait. Yesterday morning—(Aside.) What the deuce shall I say? Mary. (Sitting beside him. j Well? Har. Yesterday morning— „ Mary. (Laughing.) I should say it was getting well on towards afternoon. Har. Oh, pshaw ! you women are such triflers. ^ ..... Mary. (Aside.) Are we though? People who live in*glass houses shouldn't throw stones, Master Harry. Har. Well, yesterday— Miter Nor ah, l. Har. Well, what flea has bitten you, now? Norah. Me ? Is it me, have flay«? (Going.) Oh, well then, I'd best be goin', for fear ye might ketch them. Har. (Softening.) Wait a moment; what is it, another bill ?, Norah. Divil a less. ^ Har. (Desperately.) It never rains but it pours ; what is it this time ? Norah. It's the nagur chap as did the chalybatin' or masticatinV or— Mary. Oh ! it's the man who kalsomined the kitchen.. Norah. Yis ; it's nointy cints. Mary. Well, you may take it down to him. Har. (Aside.) Oh, murder! Mary. Here, Harry, give me ninety cents ; it's no use making the poor fellow wait for sucli a trifle. ' Har. (Fumbling in pockets ) No, certainly not. (A^e.) I'm all of a cold perspiration. * Mary. (Impatiently.) Come, come. If you were filing your story, you could not be longer. ''j. Har. (Bising and going up.) Don't be in a hurry. Mary. ( Following him.) But this is preposterous ! Har. (Suddenly stopping.) Why, confound it! how foolish "ofA GAME OF BILLIARDS. 7 me ! I never remembered that I gave out my last change for car fare last night. Mary. Nonsense! Har. It's really so ; how singular that I did not recollect it. Mary, Yery. (To Norah.; Well, Norah, the man will have to call again. Norah. Oh, very well, ma'am j he will have to call again. ( Exit l. , grinning, Har. (Running after her.) What the deuce do you mean by that? (Coming down.) Now, look here, Mary ! this passes endur- ance. That girl is really the most impudent— Mary. (Interrupting.) Come, come, Harry; don't get out of temper. Let me have that money ; it's really getting late. Har. Oh no, it isn't; plenty of time yet. Let me see ; I was tel- ling you about yesterday— Mary. Oh ! that reminds me— Har. Yes? of what? Mary. Yesterday afternoon — Har. -Well, well? ""Mary. At about three— Har. Yes, yes. Mary. Mr. Halswelle called. Har. (Sinking in chair.) Great Heavens! Mary. Yes, and he was so kind. Har. (Aside, groaning.) Oh very, no donbt; not kind enough motto want the twenty I owe him, though. Mary. So kind, I assure you ; he gave me such a beautiful bou- quet from his green house— Har. (Aside, groaning.) Bouquet, indeed ! Mary. Yes ; and he is going to call to see you to-day on business. Har. (Starting up.) To-day ! at what time ? Mary. At eleven. Har. By Jove ! it's lucky you've reminded me of it; I've an en- gagement down town at half past ten. Mary. But, Mr. Hals— Har. (Grabbing hat) Oh, hang Mi*. Halswelle! Mary. Oh, Harry Maylie ! Har. Well, I doirt exactly mean that, you know, Mary. I had bo nearly forgotten this engagement, you see, that the reminder flur- ried me. Q pod bye, little wife. ( Tries to kiss her. Mary. \ Drawing back.) But, Harry— 'n' ing again.) Oh, come ! ading him.) Oh, no ; not till you give me money to pay ____ 3. Har. Oh, pshaw ! I've no time to stop, now. (Goes towards door* Mary. (Following him.) It won't take you a minute. ion (At door.) But—A G&MS OF BILLIARDS, Mary. (Springs to door, locks it, and puts the key in pocket,) But what? Har. (Rushing to window.) Do choose a proper time for y©ur foolish jokes. Mary. (Pulling him back.) Foolish iokes ! Gome here, now, Harry Maylie ; look me in the eye. Har. (Downcast.) Certainly, my dear. Mary. (Severely) Why are you bo anxious to evade me this morning ? Har. (Endeavoring to escape.) I—I evade you ? Mary. (Stopping him.) Yes, you. (Aside.) He doesn't dare face me. Har. (Impatiently.) Oh, pshaw! Mary. (Quickly.) No, it isn't " oh, pshaw !" Do you mean to say there is no secret reason for your extraordinary conduct? Har. ( Uneasily.) Season, what reason ? Mary. Do you mean to say you have not spent the inoney you should have in your pocket to pay these bills ? Har. Spent! (Aside.) What the deuce shall I do ? ( Very uneasy. Mary. Do you mean to say you did not wake this morning and find your pockets empty, and consequently, yourself reduced to-this dishonorable shifting to your own wife ? Har. (Aside) By Jove ! she's a perfect conjurer! Mary. (Impressively ) Harry, when you came home last night, I could scarcely believe that the reeling, stuttering, silly creature" I saw was my husband ; my husband, of whom, up to that time I was so proud. You know, I never before offered an objection to those little games of billiards, and those occasional cocktails, on which you so often dilated— Har. (Softly and ic ithfeeling.) No-o-o— Mary. ( Very impressively.) But I do now, after what I saw Ir t night, Harry. Seeing my husband reeling to his bed, with every sense that elevated him above 1 he lowest beast drowned in a drench of liquor, whose fumes poisoned the very air ; seeing him as I saw you just now, forgetting his manhood in unmanly shifts to preserve a shame- ful secret from his wife. .Harry, Harry ! is this the course we map- ped out for ourselves as lovers i is this the right course ? Har. (In a broken voice.) No ! no ! Mary. (Taking his hand.) Then end it here. Har. (Hesitatingly.) That, willingly ; but the injury I have al- ready done, the load of debt—■ Mary. (Smiling.) Never mind that, at present. ( " door b.f. Mary opens it, and takes folded paper from Nc .xere, Harry. — Har. What's this? Mary. (Handing it to him.) A temperance pledge, I have just Bent for.a game ©e billiaeds. 9 Har. But— Mary. (Leading him to tablet and putting pen in his hand.) Sign it. ("Haeby, after a momentary hesitation, signs.) And now, I'll go and pay those bills. Har. (Starting.) Pay them! But how? Mary, (Laughing.) With money, to be sure. liar. (Astonished.) Money? Mary. (Laughing.) Yen, certainty. You didn't remember this morning that you liad thrown your vest into the corner behind the bed. Har. (Astonished.) By Jove!— Mary. There were seventy-five dollars in the pocket. Har. Hurrah ! then, that wasn't so costly a game of billiards, af- ter all. Mary. (Putting her hand in his.) Costly enough, Harry ; and yet, cheap at this price—(holding up pledge)—for it opened my hus- band's eyes and mine to the gulf that often yawns behind a game of billiards. cuiitain.This book is a preservation facsimile produced for the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign. It is made in compliance with copyright law and produced on acid-free archival i 60# book weight paper which meets the requirements of ANSI/NISO Z39.48-1992 (permanence of paper). Preservation facsimile printing and binding by Northern Micrographics Brookhaven Bindery La Crosse, Wisconsin 2015