BRARY 
 
 W^ i,i;y Of 
 CALifOHN/A 
 
 \N DIEGO J

 
 yy 
 
 The Original Travels of ^ ^ 
 Baron Munchausen ^ ^ ^ ^ 
 
 ^ ^ ^ ^ ^^ by Rudolph^/ Raspe 
 
 UtKINGTON PUBLIC LIBRARY 
 LEXINGTON, KENTUCKY 
 
 Chicago and New York ♦«♦ 
 Rand, McNally & Company 
 
 o4ou
 
 TO THE PUBLIC 
 
 AVING heard, for the first time, that mj 
 adventures have been doubted, and looked 
 upon as jokes, I feel bound to come for« 
 ward and vindicate my character for veracity^ by 
 paying three shillings at the Mansion House of this 
 great city for the affidavits hereto appended. 
 
 This I have been forced into in regard of my own 
 honor, although I have retired for many years from 
 public and private life ; and I hope that this, my last 
 edition, will place me in a proper light with my 
 readers. 
 
 I
 
 VI 
 
 TO THE PUBLIC. 
 
 AT THE CITY OF LONDON, ENGLAND. 
 
 We, the undersigned, as true believers in the profit, 
 do most solemnly affirm, that all the adventures of 
 our friend Baron Munchausen, in whatever country 
 they may lie, are positive and simple facts. And, as we 
 have been believed, whose adventures are tenfold more 
 wonderful, so do we hope all true believers will give 
 him their full faith and credence. 
 
 GULLIVER. + 
 SINBAD. + 
 ALADDIN. + 
 
 Sworn at the Majision House 
 gth Nov. last., in the absence 
 of the Lord Mayor. 
 
 JOHN {the Porter).
 
 INTRODUCTORY NOTICE 
 
 |0 many different opinions have obtained 
 respecting the authorship of the " The 
 Travels of Baron Munchausen/' and tlie 
 motives for writing that Avork, that it seems 
 desirable to append some explanation on both these 
 points to the present edition. 
 
 The general opinion appears to be that expressed by 
 a writer in Notes and Queries (No. 68, 1851): " 'The 
 Travels of Baron Munchausen" were written to ridicule 
 Bruce, the Abyssinian traveler, whose adventures were 
 at that time deemed fictitious." But the writer of the 
 above article offers the best evidence for correcting this 
 opinion; for he goes on to say, that he had for years 
 sought a copy of the work, and had at last been success- 
 ful, and describes it as "^the second edition, consider- 
 ably enlarged, and ornamented with twenty explanatory 
 engravings from original designs," and as being enti-
 
 viii INTRODUCTORY NOTICE. 
 
 tied '^Gulliver Revived; or, Hie Vice of Lying properly 
 exposed, printed for the Kearsleys, at London, 1793." 
 He also describes a second volume, *'A Sequel to the 
 Adventures of Baron Munchausen, a new edition, with 
 twenty capital copper-plates, including the Baron's por- 
 trait, humbly dedicated to Mr. Bruce, the Abyssinian 
 traveler," published by Symonds, Paternoster Kow, 1796. 
 Copies of both these volumes are in the British 
 Museum, and completely clear up the question. " Gul- 
 liver Revived" is identical in every respect with the 
 above described, except that it is called the seventh 
 edition instead of the second. The full title runs — 
 
 [THE SEVENTH EDITION, 
 
 consldeiably enlarged, and ornamented with twenty 
 explanatory engravings from original designs : j 
 
 "GULLIVER REVIVED; 
 
 OR, THE Vice of Lying peoperly exposed : con- 
 taining Singular Travels, Campaigns, Voyages 
 AND Adventures in Russia, the Caspian Se^v^ 
 Iceland, Turkey, Egypt, Gibraltar, up the 
 Mediterranean, on the Atlantic Ocean, and 
 through the centre of Mount JEtna, into the 
 South Sea. 
 
 "Also, 
 
 An account of a Voyage into the Moon and Dog-star, 
 with many extraordinary particulars relating to the
 
 JNTH OD UCTOR Y NOTICE, ix 
 
 cooking aiiiiiuils in those planets, which are there 
 called the Human Species. 
 
 By BARON MUNCHAUSEN. 
 
 London : Printed by C. & G. Kearsley, Fleet Street, 
 179-3." 
 
 The preface to this seventh edition says, " The 
 first edition was comparatively slow in sale, but the 
 whole of the subsequent impressions were purchased 
 within a short time after they were printed. This 
 seventh edition contains such considerable additions 
 that it may be fairly considered a new work." 
 
 We thus see that the six editions (the second to 
 the seventh) were issued in 1793, but as the plates 
 to the seventh edition (and doubtless to the second 
 and other editions) bear the imprint, " Published as 
 the Act directs, for G. Kearsley, at 46, in Fleet Street, 
 London, 1786," it becomes evident that the first 
 edition was issued in that year ; and that being four 
 years before the publication of Bruce's Travels, 
 which appeared in 1790, the work could not have 
 been written to ridicule them. In fact, recent inves- 
 tigation has rendered it almost a certainty that the 
 original author of " Munchausen's Travels " was a 
 learned but unprincipled scholar, of the name of 
 R. E. Raspe, who had taken refuge in this country 
 from the pursuit of justice (vide Gentleman' s Maga- 
 zine^ January 1857), and that many of his stories are 
 of ancient date, and current in various countries- 
 Many arc to be found under the title of "Mendacia
 
 X INTR OD UCTOR Y MOTJCH., 
 
 Ridicu'a," in vol. iii. of " Deliciee AcademicsB," Heil* 
 bron, 1665 ; that of " sound being frozen in a post- 
 horn " is from Rabelais, appears to have been known 
 also in Spain and Italy, and is said by a writer in 
 Notes and Queries (No. 61, 1850) to be traceable to 
 one of the later Greek writers, from whom Jeremy 
 Taylor, in one of his sermons, borrows it as an illus- 
 tration ; while the story of " the horse cut in two by 
 the portcullis " is translated by Lady C. Guest, in 
 " The Mabinogion from an ancient Welsh manu- 
 script. 
 
 This being the case, it may reasonably be asked 
 how the very general opinion could have originated, 
 an opinion entertained by Bruce himself, that Mun- 
 chausen was written to ridicule his travels ? And 
 this question appears to derive its conclusive reply 
 from the " Sequel " above alluded to, of which the 
 first edition is in the British Museum, and whose title 
 runs thus : — 
 
 " (With 20 capital Copper- plates, including the 
 Baron's Portrait.} 
 
 A 
 
 SEQUEL 
 
 TO THE 
 
 ADVENTURES 
 
 OF 
 
 BARON MUNCHAUSEN. 
 
 Humbly dedicated to Mr. Bruce, the Abyssinian 
 Traveler, as the Baron conceives that it may be of 
 ?ome eervice to him, previous to his making another
 
 JNTR OD UCTOR Y NOTICE. x\ 
 
 expedition into Abyssinia. But if this advice does 
 not delight Mr. Bruce, tlie Baron is willing to fight 
 him on any terms he pleases. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 Printed for H. D. Symonds, Paternoster Row, 
 1792." 
 
 It thus appears that, though the original work was 
 " comparatively slow in sale," a new impetus was 
 given to it by the issue of this " Sequel" shortly after 
 the publication of Bruce's Travels, and by the direct 
 attack its title-page and general contents — one of the 
 plates being "an African feast upon live bulls and 
 kava — made on that work;* that consequently, in 
 
 * The Abyssinian custom of feeding upon live flesh seems to have 
 provoked a chorus of incredulity from all quarters. Among others, 
 Peter Pindar makes it the subject of one of his satirical flings: — 
 
 " Nor have I been where men (v.hat loss, alas I ) 
 Kill half a cow, then send the rest to grass." 
 
 Bruce was also ridiculed in an after-piece acted in the Hay- 
 market, in which Bannister performed the part of Macfable, a 
 Scotch traveling impostor, and the hits against his travels could 
 not be mistaken. 
 
 In Sir F. Head's Life of Bruce t (page 47r')) there is the following 
 anecdote : "One day, while he was at the house of a relation, in 
 East Lothian, a gentleman present bluntly observed that it was 
 not possible that the natives of Abyssinia could eat raw meat! 
 Bruce said not a word; but, leaving the room, shortly returned 
 from the kitchen with a piece of raw beef-steak, peppered and 
 salted in the Abyssinian fashion. * You will eat that, Sir, or fight 
 me!' he said. When the gentleman had eaten up the raw flesh 
 (most willingly would he have eaten his words instead), Bruce 
 calmly observed, 'Now, Sir, you will never again say it is impos- 
 sible.' " 
 
 t Published by William Tcgg.
 
 xii JNTR on UCrOR V NOTICE. 
 
 the following year, 1793, six editions were required, 
 though the editor makes no scruple of saying that 
 only a small part, viz., chapters 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, were by 
 the ''Baron,'' and the rest "the production of another 
 pen, written in the Baron's manner." It being the 
 fashion of the day to decry and caricature Bruce 
 (though subsequent inquiries have shown he was a 
 very truthful man), his revilers compiled " The 
 Sequel to Munchausen " for this purpose, and made 
 use of this almost forgotten " Gulliver Revived " as 
 one of their weapons of attacit.
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 The Baron relates an account of his first Travels — ^The as- 
 tonishing effects of a storm — Arrives at Ceylon ; com- 
 bats and conquers two extraordinary opponents — Returns 
 to Holland Page 25 
 
 CHAPTER H. 
 
 In which the Baron proves himself a good shot — He loses 
 his horse, and finds a wolf — Makes him draw his sledge 
 — Promises to entertain his company with a relation of 
 such facts as are well deserving their notice. . 33 
 
 CHAPTER HI. 
 
 An encounter between the Baron's nose and a door-post, 
 with its wonderful effects — Fifty brace of ducks and 
 other fowl destroyed by one shot — Flogs a fox out of 
 his skin — Leads an old sow home in a new way, and 
 
 vanquishes a wild boar 38 
 
 (xiii)
 
 XIV CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 Reflections on Saint Hubert's stag — Shoots a stag with 
 cherry-stones ; the wonderful effects of it — Kills a bear 
 by extraordinary dexterity; his danger pathetically 
 described — Attacked by a wolf, which he turns inside 
 out — Is assailed by a mad dog, from which he escapes — 
 The Baron's cloak seized with madness, by which his 
 whole wardrobe is thrown into confusion. . , 42 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 The effects of great activity and presence of mind — A 
 favorite hound described, which pups while pursuing a 
 hare; the hare also litters while pursued by the hound — 
 Presented with a famous horse by Count Przobossky, 
 with which he performs many extraordinary feats. 47 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 The Baron is made a prisoner of war, and sold for a slave 
 — Keeps the Sultan's bees, which are attacked by two 
 bears — Loses one of his bees ; a silver hatchet, which he 
 throws at the bears, rebounds and flies up to the moon ; 
 brings it back by an ingenious invention ; falls to the earth 
 on his return, and helps himself out of a pit — Extricates 
 himself from a carriage which meets his in a narrow road, 
 in a manner never before attempted nor practiced since 
 — ^The wonderful effects of the frost upon his servant's 
 French horn 55 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 The Baron relates his adventures on a voyage to North 
 America, which are well worth the reader's attention — 
 Pranks of a whale — A sea-gull saves a sailor's life — The 
 Baron's head forced into his stomach — A dangerous leak 
 Stopped h posteriori, .•»,,. 61
 
 CONTENTS. XV 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 Bathes in the Mediterranean — Meets an unexpected com- 
 panion — Arrives unintentionally in the regions of heat 
 and darkness, from which he is extricated by dancing a 
 hornpipe — Frightens his deliverers, and returns on 
 shore 65 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 Adventures in Turkey, and upon the river Nile — Sees a 
 balloon over Constantinople ; shoots at, and brings it 
 down ; finds a French experimental philosopher sus- 
 pended from it — Goes on an embassy to Grand Cairo, and 
 returns upon the Nile, where he is thrown into an unex- 
 pected situation, and detained six weeks. . . 68 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 Pays a visit during the siege of Gibraltar to his old friend 
 General Elliot — Sinks a Spanish man-of-war — Wakes an 
 old woman on the African coast — Destroys all the ene- 
 my's cannon ; frightens the Count d'Artois, and sends 
 him to Paris — Saves the lives of two English spies with 
 the identical sling that killed Goliah ; and raises the 
 siege 74 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 An interesting account of the Baron's ancestors — A quar- 
 rel relative to the spot where Noah built his ark — The 
 history of the sling, and its properties — A favorite poet 
 introduced upon no very reputable occasion — Qiteen 
 Elizabeth's abstlneace — The Baron's father crosses from 
 England to Holland upon a marine horse, which he 
 sells for seven hundred ducats. , . , .82
 
 jtv: CONlEJSrrS. 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 The frolic ; its consequences — Windsor Castle — St. Paul's 
 — College of Physicians — Undertakers, sextons, &c., 
 almost ruined — Industry of the apothecaries. . 86 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 The Baron sails with Captain Phipps, attacks two large 
 bears, and has a very narrow scape — Gains the confi- 
 dence of these animals, and then destroys thousands of 
 them ; loads the ship with their hams and skins ; makes 
 presents of the former, and obtains a general invitation 
 to all city feasts — A dispute between the captain and the 
 Baron, in which, from motives of politeness, the captain 
 is suffered to gain his point — The Baron declines the 
 honor of a throne, and an empress into the bargain. 89 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 Our Baron excels Baron Tott beyoncf all comparison, yet 
 fails in part of his attempt — Gets into disgrace with the 
 Grand Seignior, who orders his head to be cut off — 
 Escapes, and gets on board a vessel, in which he is car- 
 ried to Venice — Baron Tott's origin, with some account 
 of that great man's parents — Pope Ganganelli's amour 
 — His Holiness fond of shell-fish. . • . 96 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 A further account of the journey from Harwich to Hel- 
 voetsluys — Description of a number of marine objects 
 never mentioned by any traveler before — Rocks seen in 
 this passage equal to the Alps in magnitude ; lobsters, 
 crabs, &c., of an extraordinary magnitude — A woman's 
 life saved — The cause of her falling into the sea — Dr. 
 Hawes's directions followed with success. . 103
 
 CONTENTS. xvii 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 This is a very short chapter, but contains a fact for which 
 the Baron's memory ought to be dear to every English- 
 man, especially those who may hereafter have the mis- 
 fortune of being made prisoners of war. . . io8 
 
 CHAPTER XVn. 
 
 Voyage eastward — The Baron introduces a friend who 
 never deceived him; wins a hundred guineas by pinning 
 his faith upon that friend's nose — Game started at sea — 
 Some other circumstances which will, it is hoped, afford 
 the reader no small degree of amusement. . no 
 
 CHAPTER XVni. 
 
 A second visit (but an accidental one) to the Moon — The 
 ship driven by a whirlwind a thousand leagues above the 
 surface of the water, where a new atmosphere meets them 
 and carries them into a capacious harbor in the Moon — 
 A description of the inhabitants, and their manner of 
 coming into the lunarian world — Animals, customs, weap- 
 ons of war, wine, vegetables, &c. . . t 114 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 The Baron crosses the Thames without the assistance of a 
 bridge, ship, boat, balloon or even his own will : rouses 
 himself after a long nap, and destroys a monster who 
 lived upon the destruction of others. . . 121 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 The Baron slips through the world ; after paying a visit to 
 Mount Etna he finds himself in the South Sea ; visits 
 Vulcan in his passage ; gets en board a Dutchman ; ar« 
 rives at an island of cheese, surrounded by a sea of milk
 
 xviii CONTENTS. 
 
 describes some very extraordinary objects — Lose theil 
 compass ; their ship slips between the teeth of a fish un- 
 known in this part of the world ; their difficulty in escap- 
 ing from thence ; arrive in the Caspian Sea — Starves a 
 bear to death — A few waistcoat anecdotes — In this chap- 
 ter which is the longest, the Baron moralizes upon the 
 virtue of veracity , .123 
 
 SUPPLEMENT. 
 
 Extraordinary flight on the back of an eagle, over France 
 to Gibraltar, South and North America, the Polai 
 Regions and back to England, within six-and-thirty 
 tours. 143 
 
 Preface to the Second Volume. , , • . i6i 
 
 CHAPTER XXL 
 
 The Baron insists on the veracity of his former Memoirs — 
 Forms a design of making discoveries in the interior 
 parts of Africa — His discourse with Hilaro Frosticos 
 about it — His conversation with Lady Fragrantia — The 
 Baron goes, with other persons of distinction, to Court ; 
 relates an anecdote of the Marquis de Bellecourt. 167 
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 Preparations for the Baron's expedition into Africa — De- 
 scription of his chariot ; the beauties of its interior deco- 
 rations ; the animals that drew it, and the mechanism of 
 the wheels. . • .... 176
 
 CONTENTS. <ii 
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 The Baron proceeds on his voyage — Convoys a squadron 
 to Gibraltar — Declines the acceptance of the Island of 
 Candia — His chariot damaged by Pompey's Pillar and 
 Cleopatra's needle — The Baron out-does Alexander- 
 Breaks his chariot, and splits a great rock at the Cape 
 of Good Hope. i8i 
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 The Baron secures his chariot, &c., at the Cape and takes 
 his passage for England in a homeward-bound Indiaman 
 — Wrecked upon an island of ice, near the coast of 
 Guinea — Escapes from the wreck, and rears a variety of 
 vegetables upon the island — Meets some vessels belong- 
 ing to the negroes bringing white slaves from Europe, in 
 retaliation, to work upon their plantations in a cold cli- 
 mate near the South Pole — Arrives in England and lays 
 an account of his expedition before the Privy Council — 
 Great preparations for a new expedition — The Sphinx, 
 Gog and Magog, and a great company attend him — The 
 ideas of Hilaro Frosticos respecting the interior parts of 
 Africa i88 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 Count Gosamer thrown by Sphinx into the snow on the top 
 of Teneriffe — Gog and Magog conduct Sphinx for the 
 rest of the voyage — The Baron arrives at the Cape, and 
 unites his former chariot, &c., to his new retinue — Passes 
 into Africa, proceeding from the Cape northwards — De- 
 feats a ho8t of lions, by a curious stratagem — Travels 
 through an immense desert — His whole company, chariot, 
 &c., overwhelmed by a whirlwind of sand — Extricates 
 them, and arrives in a fertile country. . , jq7
 
 %x CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER XXVI. 
 
 A feast on live bulls and kava — The inhabitants admire 
 the European adventurers — The Emperor comes to meet 
 the Baron, and pays him great compliments — The inhab- 
 itants of the centre of Africa descended from the people 
 of the Moon, proved by an inscription in Africa, and by 
 the analogy of their language, which is also the same 
 with that of the ancient Scythians — The Baron is de- 
 clared sovereign of the interior of Africa on the decease 
 of the Emperor — He endeavors to abolish the custom of 
 eating live bulls, which excites much discontent — The 
 advice of Hilaro Frosticos upon the occasion — The 
 Baron makes a speech to an Assembly of the States, 
 which only excites greater murmurs — He consults with 
 Hilaro Frosticos 208 
 
 CHAPTER XXVH. 
 
 A proclamation by the Baron — Excessive curiosity of the 
 people to know what fudge was — The people in a general 
 ferment about it — They break open all the granaries in 
 the empire — The affections of the people conciliated — 
 An ode performed in honor of the Baron — His discourse 
 with Fragrantia on the excellence of the music . 220 
 
 CHAPTER XXVni. 
 
 The Baron sets all the people of the empire to work to 
 build a bridge from their country to Great Britain — His 
 contrivance to render the arch secure — Orders an in- 
 scription to be engraved on the bridge — Returns with 
 all his company, chariot, &c., to England — Surveys the 
 kingdoms and nations under him from the middle of the 
 bridge 227
 
 C0N2'£JVTS. XX) 
 
 CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 The Baron's retinue is opposed in a heroic style by Don 
 Quixote, who in his turn is attaclced by Gog and Ma- 
 gog — Lord Whittington, with the Lord Mayor's show, 
 conies to the assistance of Don Quixote — Gog and Ma- 
 gog assail his Lordship — Lord Whittington makes a 
 speech, and deludes Gog and Magog to his party — A 
 general scene of uproar and battle among the company, 
 until the Baron, with great presence of mind, appeases 
 the tumult • . 233 
 
 CHAPTER XXX. 
 
 The Baron arrives in England — The Colossus of Rhodes 
 comes to congratulate him — Great rejoicings on the Bar- 
 on's return, and a tremendous concert — The Baron's dis- 
 course with Fragrantia, and her opinion of the Tour to 
 the Hebrides • . 242 
 
 CHAPTER XXXI. 
 
 A litigated contention between Don Quixote, Gog, Magog, 
 &c. — A grand court assembled upon it — The appearance 
 of the company — The matrons, judges, &c. — The method 
 of writing, and the use of the fashionable amusement 
 quizzes — Wauwau arrives from the country of Prester 
 John, and leads the whole Assembly a wild-goose chase 
 to the top of Plinlinimon, and thence to Virginia — The 
 Earon meets a floating island in his voyage to America 
 — Pursues Wauwau with his whole company through the 
 deserts of North America — His curious contrivance to 
 seize Wauwau in a morass 247 
 
 98480
 
 Jtxii CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXII. 
 
 The Baron harangues the company, and they continue the 
 pursuit — The Baron, wandering from his retinue, is 
 taken by the savages, scalped and tied to a stake to be 
 roasted, but he contrives to extricate himself, and kills 
 the savages — The Baron travels overland through the 
 forests of North America to the confines of Russia — 
 Arrives at the castle of the Nareskin Rowskimowmow- 
 sky, and gallops into the kingdom of Loggerheads — A 
 battle, in which the Baron fights the Nareskin in single 
 combat, and generously gives him his life — Arrives at 
 the Friendly Islands and discourses with Omai — The 
 Baron, with all his attendants, goes from Otaheite to the 
 Isthmus of Darien, and having cut a canal across the 
 Isthmus, returns to England 256 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIII. 
 
 The Baron goes to Petersburg and converses with the 
 Empress — Persuades the Russians and Turks to cease 
 cutting one another's throats, and in concert cut a canal 
 across the Isthmus of Suez — -The Baron discovers the 
 Alexandrine Library, and meets with Hermes Trisme- 
 gistus — Besieges Seringapatam, and challenges Tippoo 
 Saib to single combat — They fight — The Baron receives 
 some wounds on his face, but at length vanquishes the 
 tyrant — The Baron returns to Europe, and raises the hull 
 of the Royal George 268 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIV. 
 
 The Baron makes a speech to the National Assembly and 
 drives out all the members — Routs the fishwomen and 
 the National Guards — Pursues the whole rotit into a
 
 CONTENTS. xxiii 
 
 church, where he defeats the National Assembly, 
 &c., with Rousseau, Voltaire and Beelzebub at their 
 head, and liberates Marie Antoinette and the Royal 
 Family 278
 
 TRAVELS OF 
 BARON MUNCHAUSEN. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 \The Baron is supposed to relate these adventures 
 to his friends over a bottle?^ 
 
 The Baron relates an account of his first Travels — The as- 
 tonishing effects of a storm — Arrives at Ceylon ; com- 
 bats and conquers two extraordinary opponents — Returns 
 to Holland. 
 
 OME years before my beard announced 
 approaching manhood, or, In other 
 words, when I was neither man nor 
 boy, but between both, I expressed in repeated 
 conversations a strong desire of seeing the world, 
 from which I was discouraged by my parents.
 
 a6 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 though my father had been no inconsiderable 
 traveler himself, as will appear before I have 
 reached the end of my singular and, I may add, 
 interesting adventures. A cousin, by my 
 mother's side, took a liking to me, often said I 
 was a fine forward youth, and was inclined to 
 gratify my curiosity. His eloquence had more 
 effect than mine, for my father consented to rny 
 accompanying him in a voyage to the island of 
 Ceylon, where his uncle had resided as governor 
 many years. 
 
 We sailed from Amsterdam with despatches 
 from their High Mightinesses the States of Hol- 
 land. The only circumstance which happened 
 on our voyage worth relating was the wonderful 
 effects of a storm, which had torn up by the roots 
 a great number of trees of enormous bulk and 
 height, in an island where we lay at anchor to 
 take in wood and water ; some of these trees 
 weighed many tons, yet they were carried by the 
 wind so amazingly high, that they appeared like 
 the feathers of small birds floating in the air, tor 
 they were at least five miles above the earth : 
 however, as soon as the storm subsided they all 
 fell perpendicularly into their respective places.
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN. 97 
 
 and took root again, except the largest, which 
 happened, when it was blown into the air, to 
 have a man and his wife, a very honest old 
 couple, upon its branches, gathering cucumbers 
 (in this part of the globe that useful vegetable 
 grows upon trees) : the weight of this couple, 
 as the tree descended, over-balanced the trunk, 
 and brought it down in a horizontal position : it 
 fell upon the chief man of the island, and killed 
 him on the spot ; he had quitted his house in 
 the storm, under an apprehension of its falling 
 upon him, and was returning through his own 
 garden when this fortunate accident happened. 
 The word fortunate, here, requires some expla- 
 nation. This chief was a man of a very avari- 
 cious and oppressive disposition, and though he 
 had no family, the natives of the island were 
 half-starved by his oppressive and infamous im- 
 positions. 
 
 The very goods which he had thus taken from 
 them were spoiling in his stores, while the poor 
 wretches from whom they were plundered were 
 pining in poverty. Though the destruction of 
 this tyrant was accidental, the people chose the 
 cucumber-gatherers for their governors, as a mark
 
 28 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 of their gratitude for destroying, though accident- 
 ally, their late tyrant. 
 
 After we had repaired the damages we sus- 
 tained in this remarkable storm, and taken leave 
 of the new governor and his lady, we sailed 
 with a fair wind for the object of our voyage. 
 
 In about six weeks we arrived at Ceylon, 
 where we were received with great marks oi 
 friendship and true politeness. The following 
 singular adventures may not prove unentertain- 
 ing. 
 
 After we had resided at Ceylon about a fort- 
 night I accompanied one of the governor's 
 brothers upon a shooting j^arty. He was a 
 strong, athletic man, and being used to that cli- 
 mate (for he had resided there some years), he 
 bore the violent heat of the sun rnuch better than 
 I could ; in our excursion he had made a con- 
 siderable progress through a thick wood when I 
 was only at the entrance. 
 
 Near the banks of a large piece of water, which 
 had engaged m.y attention, I thought I heard a 
 rustling noise behind ; on turning about I wr.s 
 almost petrified (as who would not be ?) at the 
 sight of a lion, which was evidently approaching
 
 BAR ON M UKCHA US EN. 29 
 
 with the intention of satisfying his appetite with 
 my poor carcase, and that without asking my 
 consent. What was to be done in this horrible 
 dilemma ? I had not even a moment for reflec- 
 tion ; my piece was only charged with swan-shot, 
 and I had no other about me ; however, though 
 I could have no idea of killing such an animal 
 with that weak kind of ammunition, yet I had 
 some hopes of frightening him by the report, and 
 perhaps of wounding him also. I immediately 
 let fly, without waiting till he was within reach, 
 and the report did but enrage him, for he now 
 quickened his pace, and seemed to approach me 
 full speed : I attempted to escape, but that only 
 added (if an addition could be made) to my dis- 
 tress ; for the moment I turned about I found a 
 large crocodile, with his mouth extended almost 
 ready to receive me. On my right hand was the 
 piece of water before mentioned, and on my left 
 a deep precipice, said to have, as I have since 
 learned, a receptacle at the bottom for venomous 
 creatures ; in short, I gave myself up as lost, for 
 the lion was now upon his hind legs, just in the 
 act of seizing me ; I fell involuntarily to the 
 ground with fear, and, as it afterward appeared,
 
 50 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 he sprang over me. 1 lay some time m a situa. 
 
 tion which no language can describe, expecting 
 
 to feel his teeth or talons in some part of me 
 every moment : after waiting in this prostrate 
 
 situation a few seconds I heard a violent but 
 unusual noise, different from any sound that had 
 ever before assailed vdy ears ; nor is it at all to 
 be wondered at, when I inform you from whence 
 it proceeded : after listening for some time, I 
 ventured to raise my head and look round, when, 
 to my unspeakable joy, I perceived the lion had, 
 by the eagerness with which he sprung at me, 
 jumped forward as I fell, into the crocodile's 
 mouth ! which, as before observed, was wide 
 open ; the head of the one stuck in the throat 
 of the other ! and they were struggling to extri- 
 cate themselves ! I fortunately recollected my 
 couteau de ckasse, which was by my side ; with 
 this instrument I severed the lion's head at one 
 blow, and the body fell at my feet! I then, with 
 the butt-end of my fowling piece, rammed the 
 head further into the throat of the crocodile, and 
 destroyed him by suffocation, for he could 
 neither gorge nor eject it. 
 
 Soon after I had thus gained a complete vie-
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN. 3 1 
 
 tory over mv tv^t? poTrrrfnl adversaries my com- 
 panion arrived in search of me ; for finaing I 
 did not follow him into the wood, he returned^ 
 apprehending I had lost my way, or met with 
 some accident. 
 
 After mutual congratulations, we measured the 
 crocodile, which was just forty feet in le^.gth. 
 
 As soon as we had related this extraordinary 
 adventure to the governor, he sent a wagon and 
 servants, who brought home the two carcasses. 
 The lion's skin was properly preserved, with its 
 hair on, after which it was made into tobacco, 
 pouches, and presented by me, upon our return 
 to Holland, to the burgomasters, who, in return, 
 requested my acceptance of a thousand ducats. 
 
 The skin of the crocodile was stuffed in the 
 usual manner, and makes a capital article in 
 their public museum at Amsterdam, where the 
 exhibitor relates the whole story to eacl*. specta- 
 tor, with such additions as he think? proper. 
 Some of his variations are rather extravagant ; 
 one of them is, that the lion jumped quite 
 through the crocodile, and was making his es- 
 cape at the back door, when, as soon as his head 
 appeared, Monsieur the Great Baron (as he is
 
 32 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 pleased to call me) cut it off, and three feet of 
 the crocodile's tail along with it ; nay, so little 
 attention has this fellow to the truth, that he 
 sometimes adds, as soon as the crocodile missed 
 his tail, he turned about, snatched the couteau de 
 chasse out of Monsieur's hand, and swallowed it 
 with such eagerness that it pierced his heart and 
 killed him immediately \ 
 
 The little regard which this impudent knave 
 has to veracity makes me sometimes apprehen- 
 sive that my real facts may fall under suspicion, 
 by being found in company with his confounded 
 inventions.
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 tn which the Baron proves himself a good shot — lie loses 
 his horse, and finds a woU — Makes him draw his sledge 
 — Promises to entertain his company with a relation of 
 such facts as are well deserving their notice. 
 
 Set off from Rome on a journey to 
 Russia, in the midst of winter, from a 
 just notion that frost and snow must 
 of course mend the roads, which every traveler 
 had described as uncommonly bad through the 
 northern parts of Germany, Poland, Courland 
 and Livonia. I went on horseback, as the most 
 convenient manner of traveling ; I was but 
 lightly clothed, and of this I felt the incon- 
 venience the more I advanced northeast. What 
 must not a poor old man have suffered in that 
 severe weather and climate, whom I saw on a 
 bleak common in Poland, lying on the road. 
 
 (33)
 
 54 ORIGINAL TRAVELS 02'' 
 
 helpless, shivering and hardly having where- 
 withal to cover his nakedness ? I pitied the 
 poor soul : though I felt the seventy of the air 
 myself, I threw my mantle over him, and imme- 
 diately I heard a voice from the heavens, bless- 
 ing me for that piece of charity, saying, 
 
 " You will be rewarded, my son, for this in 
 time." 
 
 I went on : night and darkness overtook me. 
 No village was to be seen. The country was 
 covered with snow, and I was unacquainted with 
 the road. 
 
 Tired, I alighted, and fastened my horse to 
 something like a pointed stump of a tree, which 
 appeared above the snow ; for the sake of safety 
 I placed my pistols under my arm, and laid 
 down on the snow, where I slept so soundly 
 that I did not open my eyes till full daylight. 
 It is not easy to conceive my astonishment to 
 find myself in the midst of a village, lying in a 
 churchyard ; nor was my horse to be seen, but I 
 heard him soon after neigh somewhere above 
 me. On looking upward I beheld him hanging 
 by his bridle to the weather-cock of the steeple. 
 Matters were not very plain to me : the village
 
 BARON MUNCHAUSEN. 35 
 
 had been covered with snow overnight ; a 
 sudden change of weather had taken place ; I 
 had sunk down to the churchyard whilst asleep, 
 gently, and in the same proportion as the snow 
 had melted away ; and what in the dark I had 
 taken to be a stump of a little tree appearing 
 above the snow, to which I had tied my horse, 
 proved to have been the cross or weather-cock 
 of the steeple ! 
 
 Without long consideration I took one of my 
 pistols, shot the bridle in two, brought down the 
 horse, and proceeded on my journey. [Here the 
 Baron seems to have forgot his feelings ; he 
 should certainly have ordered his horse a feed 
 of corn, after fasting so long.] 
 
 He carried me well — advancing into the inte- 
 rior parts of Russia. I found traveling on 
 horseback rather unfashionable in winter, there- 
 fore I submitted, as I always do, to the custom 
 of the country, took a single horse sledge, and 
 drove briskly toward St. Petersburg. I do not 
 exactly recollect whether it was in Eastland or 
 Jugemanland, but I remember that in the midst 
 of a dreary forest I spied a terrible wolf making 
 after me, with all the speed of ravenous winter
 
 SC ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 hunger. He soon overtook me. There v^as no 
 possibility of escape. Mechanically I laid my- 
 self down flat in the sledge, and let my horse 
 run for our safety. What I wished, but hardly 
 hoped or expected, happened immediately after. 
 The wolf did not mind me in the least, but took 
 a leap over me, and falling furiously on the 
 horse, began instantly to tear and devour the 
 hind-part of the poor animal, which ran the 
 faster for his pain and terror. Thus unnoticed 
 and safe myself, I lifted my head slyly up, and 
 with horror I beheld that the wolf had ate his 
 way into the horse's body ; it was not long 
 before he had fairly forced himself into it, when 
 I took my advantage, and fell upon him with 
 the butt-end of my whip. This unexpected at- 
 tack in his rear frightened him so much, that he 
 leaped forward with all his might : the horse's 
 carcase dropped on the ground, but in his place 
 the wolf was in the harness, and I on my part 
 whipping him continually : we both arrived in 
 full career safe to St. Petersburg. 
 
 I shall not tire you, gentlemen, with the poli- 
 tics, arts, sciences and history of this magnificent 
 metropolis of Russia, nor trouble you with the
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN- 3 ? 
 
 various intrigues and pleasant adventures I had 
 in the politer circles of that country, where the 
 lady of the house always receives the visitoi 
 with a dram and a salute. I shall confine my- 
 self rather to the greater and nobler objects of 
 your attention, horses and dogs, my favorites in 
 the brute creation ; also to foxes, wolves and 
 bears, with which, and game in general, Russia 
 abounds more than any other part of the world ; 
 and to such sports, manly exercises, and feats of 
 gallantry and activity, as show the gentleman 
 better than musty Greek or Latin, or all the 
 perfume, finery and capers of French wits or 
 petit-maitres.
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 An encounter between the Baron's nose and a door-post, 
 with its wonderful effect — Fifty brace of ducks and 
 other fowl destroyed by one shot — Flogs a fox out of 
 his skin — Leads an old sow home in a new way, and 
 vanquishes a wild boar. 
 
 jOR several months (as it was some 
 time before I could obtain a commis- 
 sion in the army) I was perfectly at 
 liberty to sport away my time and money in the 
 most gentleman-like manner. You may easily 
 imagine that I spent much of both out of town 
 with such gallant fellows as knew how to make 
 the most of an open forest country. The very 
 recollection of those amusements skives me fresh 
 spirits, and creates a warm wish for a repetition 
 of them. One morning I saw, through the win- 
 dows of my bed-room, that a large pond not far
 
 BAR ON MU:SCIIA USEN. 39 
 
 off was covered with wild ducks. In an instant 
 I took my gun from the corner, ran down stairs 
 and out of the house in such a hurry that I im- 
 prudently struck my face against the door-post. 
 Fire flew out of my eyes, but it did not prevent 
 my intention ; I soon came within shot, when, 
 leveling my piece, I observed to my sorrow, that 
 even the flint had sprung from the cock by the 
 violence of the shock I had just received. There 
 was no time to be lost. I presently remembered 
 the effect it had on my eyes, therefore opened 
 the pan, leveled my piece against the wdld fowls, 
 and my fist against one of my eyes. [The 
 Baron's eyes have retained fire ever since, and 
 appear particularly illuminated when he relates 
 this anecdote.] A hearty blow drew sparks 
 again ; the shot went off, and I killed fifty brace 
 of ducks, twenty widgeons, and three couple of 
 teals. 
 
 Presence of mind is the soul of manly exer- 
 cises. Soldiers and sailors owe to it many of 
 their lucky escapes, hunters and sportsmen are 
 not less beholden to it for many of their suc- 
 cesses. In a noble forest in Russia I met a fine 
 black fox, whose valuable skin it would have
 
 40 ORIGINAL TRAVELS 01' 
 
 been a a pity to tear by ball or shot. Reynard 
 stood close to a tree. In a twinklino: I took out 
 my ball, and placed a good spike-nail in its room, 
 fired, and hit him so cleverly that I nailed his 
 brush fast to the tree. I now went up to him, 
 took out my hanger, gave him a cross-cut over 
 the face, laid hold of my whip, and fairly flogged 
 him out of his fine skin. 
 
 Chance and good luck often correct our mis. 
 takes ; of this I had a singular instance soon 
 after, when, in the depth of a forest, I saw a 
 wild pig and sow running close behind each 
 other. My ball had missed them, yet the fore- 
 most pig only ran away, and the sow stood mo- 
 tionless, as fixed to the ground. On examining 
 into the matter, I found the latter one to be an 
 old sow, blind with age, which had taken hold o^ 
 her pig's tail, in order to be led along by filial 
 duty. My ball, having passed between the twoj 
 had cut his leading-string, which the old sow 
 continued to hold in her mouth ; and as her 
 former guide did not draw her on any longer, she 
 had stopped of course ; I therefore laid hold of 
 the remaining end of the pig's tail, and led the 
 old beast home without any further trouble op
 
 BAR ON M UNCHA US EN. 4 1 
 
 my part, and without any reluctance or appre- 
 hension on the part of the helpless old animal. 
 
 Terrible as these wild sows are, yet more 
 fierce and dangerous are the boars, one of which 
 I had once the misfortune to meet in a forest 
 unprepared for attack or defence. I retired 
 behind an oak-tree just when the furious animal 
 leveled a side-blow at me, with such force, that 
 his tusks pierced through the tree, by which 
 means he could neither repeat the blow nor re- 
 tire. Ho, ho ! thought I, I shall soon have you 
 now ! and immediately I laid hold of a stone, 
 wherewith I hammered and bent his tusks in 
 such a manner, that he could not retreat by any 
 means, and must wait my return from the next 
 village, whither I went for ropes and a cart, to 
 secure him properly, and to carry him off safe 
 and alive, in which I perfectly succeeded.
 
 CHAPTER IV, 
 
 Reflections on Saint Hubert's stag — Shoots a stag with 
 cherry-stones ; the wonderful effects of it — Kills a bear 
 by extraordinary dexterity ; his danger pathetically de- 
 scribed — Attacked by a wolf, which he turns inside out — 
 Is assailed by a mad dog, froin which he escapes — The 
 Baron's cloak seized with madness, by which his whole 
 wardrobe is thrown into confusion. 
 
 DARE say you have heard of the 
 hunter and sportsman's saint and pro- 
 tector, St. Hubert, and of the noble 
 stag, which appeared to him in the forest, with 
 the holy cross between his antlers. I have paid 
 my homage to that saint every year in good 
 fellowship, and seen this stag a thousand times 
 either painted in churches> or embroidered in 
 the stars of his knights ; so that, upon the honor 
 and conscience of a good sportsman, I hardly 
 Icnow whether there may not have been for*
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN. 43 
 
 merly, or whether there are not such crossed 
 stags even at this present day. But let me 
 rather tell what I have seen myself. Having 
 one day spent all my shot, I found myself unex- 
 pectedly in presence of a stately stag, looking 
 at me as unconcernedly as if he had known of 
 my empty pouches. I charged immediately 
 with powder, and upon it a good handful of 
 cherry-stones, for I had sucked the fruit as far 
 as the hurry would permit. Thus I let fly at 
 him, and hit him just on the middle of the fore- 
 head, between his antlers: it stunned him — he 
 staggered — yet he made off. A year or two 
 after, being with a party in the same forest, I 
 beheld a noble stag with a fine full-grown cherry 
 tree above ten feet high between his antlers. I 
 immediately recollected my former adventure, 
 looked upon him as my property, and brought 
 him to the ground by one shot, which at once 
 gave me the haunch and cherry-sauce ; for the 
 tree was covered with the richest fruit, the like 
 I had never tasted before. Who knows but 
 some passionate holy sportsman, or sporting 
 abbot or bishop, may have shot, planted and 
 fi^-ed the cross between the antlers of St. Hu-
 
 44 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 bert s stag, in a manner similar to this ? Tlicy 
 always have been, and still are, famous for plan- 
 tations of crosses and antlers ; and in a case of 
 distress or dilemma, which too often happens 
 to keen sportsnien, one is apt to grasp at any- 
 thing for safety, and to try any expedient rather 
 than miss the favorable opportunit3^ I have 
 many times found myself in that trying situation, 
 What do you say of this, for example ? Day- 
 light and powder were spent one day in a Polish 
 forest. When I was going home a terrible bear 
 made up to me in great speed, with open mouth, 
 ready to fall upon me ; all my pockets were 
 searched in an instant for powder and ball, but 
 in vain ; I found nothing but two spare flints : 
 one I flung with all my might into the monster's 
 open jaws, down his throat. It gave him pain 
 and made him turn about, so that I could level 
 the second at his back-door, which, indeed, I did 
 with wonderful success ; for it flew in, met the 
 first flint in the stomach, struck fire, and blew 
 up the bear with a terrible explosion. Though 
 I came safe off that time, yet I should not wish 
 to try it again, or venture against bears with no 
 other ammunition.
 
 paj: ox muacha us en. 45 
 
 There is a kind of fatality in it. The fiercest 
 and most dangerous animals generally came 
 upon me when defenceless, as if they had ? 
 notion or an instinctive intimation of it. Thus a 
 frightful wolf rushed upon me so suddenly, and 
 so close, that I could do nothing but follow me- 
 chanical instinct, and thrust my fist into his 
 open mouth. For safety's sake I pushed on and 
 on, till my arm was fairly in up to the shoulder. 
 How should I disengage myself ? I was not 
 much pleased with my awkward situation — with 
 a wolf face to face ; our ogling was not of the 
 most pleasant kind. If I withdrew my arm, 
 then the animal would fly the more furiously 
 upon me ; that I saw in his flaming eyes. In 
 short, I laid hold of his tail, turned him inside 
 out like a glove, and flung him to the ground, 
 where I left him. 
 
 The same expedient would not have answered 
 against a mad dog, which soon after came run- 
 ning against me in a narrow street at St. Peters- 
 burg. Run who can, I thought ; and to do this 
 the better, I threw off my fur cloak, and was 
 safe within doors in an instant. I sent my ser- 
 vant for the cloak, and he put it in the wardrobe
 
 4b ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 with my other clothes. The day after I was 
 amazed and frightened by Jack's bavvhng, " For 
 God's sake, sir, your fur cloak is mad 1 " I 
 hastened up to him, and found almost all my 
 clothes tossed about and torn to pieces. The 
 fellow was perfectly right in his apprehensions 
 about the fur cloak's madness. I saw him my- 
 self just then falling upon a fine full-dress suit, 
 which he shook and tossed v^ an unmerciful 
 manner.
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 The effects of great activity and presence of mind — A 
 favorite hound described, which pups while pursuing a 
 hare ; the hare also litters while pursued by the hound — 
 Presented with a famous horse by Count Przobossky, 
 with which he performs many extraordinary feats. 
 
 LL these narrow and lucky escapes, 
 gentlemen, were chances turned to 
 advantage by presence of mind and 
 vigorous exertions, which, taken together, as 
 everybody knows, make the fortunate sportsman, 
 sailor, and soldier; but he would be a very 
 blamable and imprudent sportsman, admiral, or 
 general, who would always depend upon chance 
 and his stars, without troubling himself about 
 those arts which are their particular pursuits, 
 and without providing the very best implements, 
 which insure success. I was not blamable either 
 way : for I have always been as remarkable for
 
 48 ORJG/iVAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 the excellency of my horses, dogs, guns, and 
 swords, as for the proper manner of using and 
 managing them, so that upon the whole I may 
 hope to be remembered in the forest, upon the 
 turf, and in the field. I shall not enter here into 
 any detail of my stables, kennel, or armory; 
 but a favorite bitch of mine I cannot help men- 
 tioning to you; she was a greyhound, and I 
 never had or saw a better. She grew old in my 
 service, and was not remarkable for her size, but 
 rather for her uncommon swiftness. I always 
 coursed with her. Had you seen her you must 
 have admired her, and would not have wondered 
 at my predilection, and at my coursing her so 
 much. She ran so fast, so much, and so long in 
 my service, that she actually ran off her legs ; 
 so that, in the latter part of her life, I was under 
 the necessity of working and using her only as a 
 terrier, in which quality she still served me 
 many years. 
 
 Coursing one day a hare, which appeared to 
 me uncommonly big, I pitied my poor bitch, 
 being big with pups, yet she would course as 
 fast as ever. I could follow her on horseback 
 only at a great distance. At once I heard a cry
 
 JBAR ON MUNCH A USEN 49 
 
 as it were of a pack of hounds — but so weak 
 and faint that I hardly knew what to make of 
 it. Coming up to them, I was greatly surprised. 
 The hare had littered in running ; the same had 
 happened to my bitch in coursing, and there 
 were just as many leverets as pups. By instinct 
 the former ran, the latter coursed : and thus I 
 found myself in possession at once of six hares, 
 and as many dogs, at the end of a course which 
 had only begun with one. 
 
 I remember this, my wonderful bitch, with 
 the same pleasure and tenderness as a superb 
 Lithuanian horse, which no money could have 
 bought. He became mine by an accident, which 
 gave me an opportunity ot showing my horse- 
 manship to a great advantage. I was at Count 
 Przobossky's noble country-seat In Lithuania, 
 and remained with the ladies at tea in the draw- 
 ing-room, while the gentlemen were down in 
 the yard, to see a young horse of blood which 
 had just arrived from the stud. We suddenly 
 heard a noise of distress ; I hastened down 
 stairs, and found the horse so unruly, that no- 
 body durst approach or mount him. The most 
 resolute horsemen stood dismayed and aghast ;
 
 ikO ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 despondency was expressed in every counte- 
 nance, when, in one leap, I was on his back, took 
 him by surprise, and worked him quite into 
 gentleness and obedience, with the best display 
 of horsemanship I was master of. Fully to 
 show this to the ladies, and save them unneces- 
 sary trouble, I forced him to leap in at one ol 
 the open windows of the tea-room, walked round 
 several times, pace, trot and gallop, and at last 
 made him mount the tea-table, there to repeat 
 his lessons in a pretty style of miniature which 
 was exceedingly pleasing to the ladies, for he 
 performed them amazingly well, and did not 
 break either cup or saucer. It placed me so 
 high in their opinion, and so well in that of the 
 noble lord, that, with his usual politeness, he 
 begged I would accept of this young horse, 
 and ride him full career to conquest and honor 
 in the campaign against the Turks, which was 
 soon to be opened, under the command of Count 
 Munich. 
 
 I could not indeed have received a more 
 agreeable present, nor a more ominous one at 
 the opening of that campaign, in which I made 
 my apprenticeship as a soldier. A horse s:i
 
 BARON MUNCHAUSEN. 5! 
 
 gentle, so spirited, and so fierce — at once a lamb 
 and a Bucephalus — put me always in mind of 
 the soldier s and the gentleman's duty ! of young 
 Alexander, and of the astonishing things he 
 performed in the field. 
 
 We took the field, among several other rea- 
 sons, it seems, with an intention to retrieve the 
 character of the Russian arms, which had been 
 blemished a little by Czar Peter s last campaign 
 on the Pruth ; and this we fully accomplished 
 by several very fatiguing and glorious campaigns 
 under the command of that great general I 
 mentioned before. 
 
 Modesty forbids individuals to arrogate to 
 themselves great successes or victories, the glory 
 of which is generally engrossed by the com- 
 mander — nay, which is rather awkward, by kings 
 and queens who never smelt gunpowder but at 
 the field-days and reviews of their troops ; 
 never saw a field of battle, or an enemy in battle 
 array. 
 
 Nor do I claim any particular share of glory 
 in the 2:reat en^ao-ements with the enemy. — We 
 all did our duty, which, in the patriot's, soldierV 
 and gentleman's language, is a very comprehen-
 
 52 OJUGIA'AL TRAVELS OF 
 
 sive word, of great honor, meaning and Import, 
 and of which the generaHty of idle quidnuncs 
 and coffee-house poHticians can hardly form any 
 but a very mean and contemptible idea. How- 
 ever, having had the command of a body of hus- 
 sars, I went upon several expeditions, with dis- 
 cretionary powers ; and the success I then met 
 with is, I think, fairly and only to be placed to 
 my account, and to that of the brave fellows 
 whom I led on to conquest and to victory. We 
 had very hot work once in the van of the army, 
 when we drove the Turks into Oczakow. My 
 spirited Lithuanian had almost brought me into 
 a scrape : I had an advanced fore-post, and saw 
 the enemy coming against me in a cloud of dust, 
 which left me rather uncertain about their actual 
 numbers and real intentions : to wrap myself up 
 in a similar cloud was common prudence, but 
 would not have much advanced my knowledge 
 or answered the end for which I had been sent 
 out ; therefore I let my flankers on both wings 
 spread to the right and left, and make what dust 
 they could, and I myself led on straight upon 
 the enemy, to have a nearer sight of them ; in 
 this I was gratified, for they stood and fought.
 
 Baron xMuachauseN. s3 
 
 till, for fear of my flankers, they began to move 
 off rather disorderly. This was the moment to 
 fall upon them with spirit ; we broke them en- 
 tirely — made a terrible havoc amongst them 
 and drove them not only back to a walled town 
 in their rear, but even through it, contrary to our 
 most sanguine expectation. 
 
 The swiftness of my Lithuanian enabled me 
 to be foremost in the pursuit; and seeing the 
 enemy fairly flying through the opposite gate, I 
 thought it would be prudent to stop in the 
 market-place, to order the men to rendezvous. 
 I stopped, gentlemen ; butjudgeof my astonish- 
 ment when in this market-place I saw not one 
 of my hussars about me I Are they scouring the 
 other streets } or what is become of them } They 
 could not be far off, and must, at all events, 
 soon join me. In that expectation I walked my 
 panting Lithuanian to a spring in this market- 
 place, and let him drink, He drank uncom- 
 monly, with an eagerness not to be satisfied, but 
 natural enough; for when I looked round for 
 my men, what should I see, gentlemen ! the hind 
 part of the poor creature — croup and legs were 
 missing, as if he had been cut in two, and the
 
 54 ORIGINAL TRAVMLS OP 
 
 water ran out as it came in, without refreshing 
 or doing him any good! How it could have 
 happened was quite a mystery to me, till I re- 
 turned with him to the town-sfate. There I 
 saw that when I rushed in pell-mell with the fly- 
 ing enemy, they had dropped the portcullis (a 
 heavy falling door, with sharp spikes at the bot- 
 tom, let down suddenly to prevent the entrance 
 of an enemy into a fortified town) un perceived 
 by me, which had totally cut off his hind part, 
 that still lay quivering on the outside of the gate. 
 It would have been an irreparable loss, had not 
 our farrier contrived to bring both parts together 
 while hot. He sewed them up with sprigs and 
 young shoots of laurels that were at hand ; the 
 wound he a led, and, what could not have hap- 
 pened but to so glorious a horse, the sprigs took 
 root in his body, grew up and formed a bower 
 over me ; so that afterwards I could gc upon 
 many other expeditions in the shade of my own 
 and my horse's laurels.
 
 
 CHAPTER Vr. 
 
 Th<. Baron is made a prisoner of war, and sold for a slave 
 — ^Keeps the Sultan's bees, which are attacked by two 
 bears — Loses one of his bees ; a silver hatchet, which he 
 throws at the bears, rebounds and flies up to the moon ; 
 iirings it back by an ingenious invention ; falls to the earth 
 on his return, and helps himself out of a pit — Extricates 
 himself from a carriage which meets his in a narrow road, 
 in a manner never before attempted nor practiced since 
 — The wonderful effects of the frost upon his servant's 
 French horn. 
 
 UCCESS was not always with me. I 
 had the misfortune to be overpowered 
 by numbers, to be made prisoner of 
 war ; and, what is worse, but always usual among 
 the Turks, to be sold for a slave. [The Baron 
 was afterwards in great favor with the Grand 
 Seignior, as will appear hereafter.] In that state 
 of humiliation my daily task was not very hard 
 and laborious, but rather singular and irksome.
 
 $6 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 It was to drive the Sultan's bees every morning 
 to their pasture-grounds, to attend them all the 
 day long, and against night to drive them back 
 to their hives. One evening I missed a bee, and 
 soon observed that two bears had fallen upon her 
 to tear her to pieces for the honey she carried. 
 I had nothing like an offensive weapon in my 
 hands but the silver hatchet, which is the badge 
 of the Sultan's gardeners and farmers. I threw 
 it at the robbers, with an intention to frighten 
 them away, and set the poor bee at liberty ; but 
 by an unlucky turn of my arm, it flew upwards, 
 and continued rising till it reached the m.oon. 
 How should I recover it ? how fetch it down 
 again ? I recollected that Turkey-beans grow 
 very quick, and run up to an astonishing height. 
 I planted one immediately ; it grew, and actually 
 fastened itself to one of the moon's horns. I had 
 no more to do now but to climb up by it into the 
 moon, where I safely arrived, and had a trouble- 
 some piece of business before I could firtd my 
 silver hatchet, in a place where everything has 
 the brightness of silver ; at last, however, I found 
 it in a heap of chaff and chopped straw. I was 
 now for returning : but, alas I the heat of the
 
 BARON MUNCHAUSEN. . 57 
 
 sun had dried np my bean ; it was totally useless 
 for my descent ; so I fell to work, and twisted 
 me a rope of that chopped straw, as long and as 
 well as I could make it. This I fastened to one 
 of the moon's horns, and slid down to the end 
 of it. Here I held myself fast with the left 
 hand, and with the hatchet in my right, I cut 
 the long, now useless end of the upper part, 
 which, when tied to the lower end, brought me 
 a good deal lower : this repeated splicing and 
 tying of the rope did not improve its quality, or 
 brinsf me down to the Sultan s farm. I was four 
 or five miles from the earth at least when it 
 broke ; I fell to the ground with such amazing 
 violence, that I found myself stunned, and in a 
 hole nine fathoms deep at least, made by the 
 weight of my body falling from so great a height : 
 I recovered, but knew not how to get out again ; 
 however, I dug slopes or steps with my finger- 
 nails (the Baron's nails were then of forty years' 
 growth), and easily accomplished it. 
 
 Peace was soon after concluded with the 
 Turks, and gaining my liberty, I left St. Peters- 
 burgh at the time of that singular revolution, 
 when the emperor in his cradle, his mother, the
 
 58 ORIGINAL TRA VELS OF 
 
 Duke of Brunswick, her father, Field-marshal 
 Munich, and many others were sent to Siberia. 
 The winter was then so uncommonly severe all 
 over Europe, that ever since the sun seems to 
 be frost-bitten. At my return to this place, I felt 
 on the road greater inconveniences than those I 
 had experienced on my setting out. 
 
 I traveled post, and finding myself in a narrow 
 lane, bid the postilion give a signal with his 
 horn, that other travelers might not meet us in 
 the narrow passage. He blew with all his might; 
 but his endeavors were in vain, he could not 
 make the horn sound, which was unaccountable 
 and rather unfortunate, for soon after we found 
 ourselves in the presence of another coach com- 
 ing the other way; there was no proceeding; 
 however, I got out of my carriage, and being 
 pretty strong, placed it, wheels and all, upon my 
 head; I then jumped over a hedge about nine 
 feet high (which, considering the weight of the 
 coach, was rather difficult) into a field, and came 
 out again by another jump into the road beyond 
 the other carriage. I then went back for the 
 horses, and placing one upon my head, and the 
 other under my left arm, by the same means
 
 BARON MUNCHAUSEN. 59 
 
 Drought them to my coach, put to, and proceeded 
 to an inn at the end of our stage. I should 
 have told you that the horse under my arm was 
 very spirited, and not above four years old ; in 
 making my second spring over the hedge, he 
 expressed great dislike to that violent kind of 
 motion by kicking and snorting; however, I con- 
 fined his hind legs byputting them into my coat- 
 pocket. After we arrived at the inn my postilion 
 and I refreshed ourselves : he hung his horn on 
 a peg near the kitchen fire ; I sat on the other 
 side. 
 
 Suddenly we heard a tereng / tcreng I teiig f 
 teng ! We looked round, and now found the 
 reason why the postilion had not been able to 
 sound his horn ; his tunes were frozen up in the 
 horn, and came out now by thawing, plain 
 enough, and much to the credit of the driver; so 
 that the honest fellow entertained us for some 
 time with a variety of tunes, without putting his 
 mouth to the horn — The King of Prussia's March 
 — Over the Hill and over the Dale — with many 
 other favorite tunes ; at length the thawing en- 
 tertainment concluded, as I shall this short ao 
 count of my Russian travels.
 
 6o BAR ON MUNCHA USEJV. 
 
 [Some travelers are apt to advance more than 
 is perhaps strictly true ; if any of the company 
 entertain a doubt of my veracity, I shall only 
 say to such, I pity their want of faith, and must 
 request they will take leave before I begin the 
 second part of my adventures, which are as 
 strictly founded in fact as those I have already 
 related.]
 
 gl^Kt^^^^^^^ 
 
 ^ 
 
 
 B 
 
 ^^^^ 
 
 TRAVELS 
 
 BARON MUNCHAUSEN 
 
 PART II. 
 
 CHAPTER Vn. 
 
 The Baron relates his adventures on a voyage to North 
 America, which are well worth the reader's attention — 
 Pranks of a whale — A sea-gull saves a sailor's life — The 
 Baron's head forced into his stomach — A dangerous leak 
 stopped h posteriori. 
 
 EMBARKED at Portsmouth in a first 
 rate English man-of-war, of one hun- 
 dred guns, and fourteen hundred men^ 
 for North America. Nothing worth relating 
 happened till we arrived within three hundred
 
 62 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 leagues of the river St. Lawrence, when the ship 
 struck with amazing force against (as we sup- 
 posed) a rock ; however, upon heaving the lead 
 we could find no bottom, even with three hun- 
 dred fathom. What made this circumstance the 
 more wonderful, and indeed beyond all compre* 
 henslon, was, that the violence of the shock was 
 such that we lost our rudder, broke our bowsprit 
 in the middle, and split all our masts from top to 
 bottom, two of which went by the board ; a poor 
 fellow, who was aloft furling the main-sheet, 
 was flung at least three leagues from the ship ; 
 but he fortunately saved his life by laying hold 
 of the tail of a large sea-gull, who brought him 
 back, and lodged him on the very spot from 
 whence he was thrown. Another proof of the 
 violence of the shock was the force with which 
 the people between decks were driven against 
 the floors above them ; my head particularly was 
 pressed into my stomach, where it continued 
 some months before it recovered its natural situ- 
 ation. Whilst we were all in a state of astonish- 
 ment at the general and unaccountable confusion 
 in which we were involved, the whole was sud- 
 denly explained by the appearance of a large
 
 BARON MUNCHAUSEN. 63 
 
 whale, who had been basking, asleep, within six- 
 teen feet of the surface of the water. This 
 animal was so much displeased with the disturb- 
 ance which our ship had given him, for in our 
 passage we had with our rudder scratched his 
 nose, that he beat in all the gallery and part of 
 the quarter-deck with his tail, and almost at the 
 same instant took the main-sheet anchor, which 
 was suspended, as it usually is, from the head, 
 between his teeth, and ran away with the ship, 
 at least sixty leagues, at the rate of twelve 
 leagues an hour, when fortunately the cable 
 broke, and we lost both the whale and the anchor. 
 However, upon our return to Europe, some 
 months after, we found the same whale within a 
 few leagues of the same spot, floating dead upon 
 the water; it measured above half a mile in 
 length. As we could take but a small quantity 
 of such a monstrous animal on board we got our 
 boats out, and with much difficulty cut off his 
 head, where, to our great joy, we found the 
 anchor, and above forty fathom of the cable, con- 
 cealed on the left side of his mouth, just under 
 his tongue. [Perhaps this was the cause of his 
 death, as that side of his tongue was much swelled,
 
 64 BARON MUNCHAUSEN. 
 
 with a great degree of inflammation.] This was 
 the only extraordinary circumstance that hap- 
 pened on this voyage. One part of our distress, 
 however, I had hke to have forgot : while the 
 whale was running away with the ship she 
 sprung a leak, and the water poured in so fast 
 that all our pumps could not keep us from 
 sinking; it was, however, my good fortune to 
 discover it first. I found it a larore hole about a 
 foot diameter ; you will naturally suppose this 
 circumstance gives me infinite pleasure, when i 
 inform you that this noble vessel was preserved 
 with all its crew, by a most fortunate thought ! 
 in short, I sat down over it, and could have dis- 
 pensed with it had it been larger ; nor will you 
 be surprised when I inform you I am descended 
 from Dutch parents. [The Baron's ancestors 
 have but lately settled there ; in another part of 
 his adventures he boasts of royal blood.] 
 
 My situation, while I sat there, was rather 
 cold but the carpenter's art soon relieved me.
 
 CHAPTER VIIL 
 
 Bathfts in iLe Mediterranean — Meets an unexpected com 
 
 panion — Atvives uniiuentionally in the regions of heal 
 and darkness, from which he is extricated by dancing a 
 hornpipe — Frightens his deliverers, and returns on shore. 
 
 WAS once in great clanger of being lost 
 in a most singular manner in the Medi- 
 terranean : I was bathing in that pleas- 
 ant sea near Marseilles one summer s afternoon, 
 when I discovered a very large fish, with his jaws 
 quite extended, approaching me with the greatest 
 velocity ; there was no time to be lost, nor could 
 I possibly avoid him. I immediately reduced 
 myself to as small a size as possible, by closing 
 my feet and placing my hands also near my sides, 
 in which position I passed directly between his 
 jaws, and into his stomach, where I remained 
 some time in total darkness, and comfortably
 
 66 OKIGINAL 2'KAVELS OF 
 
 warm, as you may imagine ; at last it occurred to 
 me, that by giving him pain he would be glad 
 to get rid of me : as I had plenty of room, I 
 played my pranks, such as tumbling, hop, step 
 and jump, &c., but nothing seemed to disturb him 
 as much as the quick motion of my feet in at- 
 tempting to dance a hornpipe ; soon after I began 
 he put me out by sudden fits and starts : I per- 
 severed ; at last he roared horribly, and stood up 
 almost perpendicularly in the water, with his 
 head and shoulders exposed, by which he was 
 discovered by the people on board an Italian 
 trader, then sailing by, who harpooned him in a 
 few minutes. As soon as he was brought on 
 board I heard the crew consulting how they 
 should cut him up, so as to preserve the greatest 
 quantity of oil. As I understood Italian, I was 
 in most dreadful apprehensions lest their weapons 
 employed in this business should destroy me also ; 
 therefore I stood as near the centre as possible, 
 for there was room enough for a dozen men in 
 this creature's stomach, and I naturally imagined 
 they would begin with the extremities : however 
 my fears were soon dispersed, for they began by 
 opening the bottom of the belly. As soon as I
 
 BAJi ON Ml 'NCHA USEN. 67 
 
 perceived a glimmering of light I called out 
 lustily to be released from a situation in which 
 I was now almost suffocated. It is impossible 
 for me to do jus^'ce to the degree and kind of 
 astonishment which sat upon every countenance 
 at hearing a human voice issue from a fish, but 
 more so at seeing a naked man walk upright 
 out of his body ; in short, gentlemen, I told them 
 the whole story, as I have done you, whilst 
 amazement struck them dumb. 
 
 After taking some refreshment, and jumping 
 into the sea to cleanse myself, I swam to my 
 clothes, which lay where I had left them on the 
 shore. As near as I can calculate, I was near 
 four hours and a half confined in the stomiach 
 of this animal.
 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 Adventures in Turkey, and upon the river Nile — Sees a 
 balloon over Constantinople ; shoots at, and brings it 
 down ; finds a French experimental philosopher sus- 
 pended from it — Goes on an embassy to Grand Cairo, and 
 returns upon the Nile, where he is thrown into an unex- 
 pected situation, and detained six weeks. 
 
 HEN I wa? In the service of the Turks 
 I frequently amused myself In a pleas- 
 ure-barge on the Marmora, which com- 
 mands a view of the whole city of Constantinople, 
 including the Grand Seignior's Seraglio. One 
 morning, as I was admiring the beauty and 
 serenity of the sky, I observed a globular sub- 
 stance in the air, which appeared to be about the 
 size of a twelve-Inch globe, with somewhat sus- 
 pended from It ; I Immediately took up my largest 
 and longest barrel fowling-piece, which I never
 
 BAR CN MUNCH A USEN. 69 
 
 travel or make even an excursion without, if 1 
 can help it ; I charged with a ball, and fired at 
 the globe, but to no purpose, the object being at 
 too great a distance. I then put in a double 
 quantity of powder, and five or six balls : this 
 second attempt succeeded; all the balls took 
 effect, and tore one side open, and brought it 
 down. Judge my surprise when a most elegant 
 gilt car, with a man in it, and part of a sheep 
 which seemed to have been roasted, fell within 
 two yards of me ; when my astonishment had in 
 some degree subsided, I ordered my people to 
 row close to this strange aerial traveler. 
 
 I took him on board my barge (he was a 
 native of France) : he was much indisposed from 
 his sudden fall into the sea, and incapable of 
 speaking ; after some time, however, he recov- 
 ered and gave the following account of himself, 
 viz : " About seven or eight days since, I cannot 
 tell which, for I have lost my reckoning, having 
 been most of the time where the sun never sets, 
 I ascended from the Land's End in Cornwall, 
 in the island of Great Britain, in the car from 
 which I have been just taken, suspended from a 
 very large balloon, and took a sheep with me,
 
 70 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 to try atmospheric experiments upon: unfortu- 
 na.tely, the wind changed within ten minutes 
 after my ascent, and instead of driving towards 
 Exeter, where I intended to land, I was driven 
 towards the sea, over which I suppose I have 
 continued ever since, but much too high to make 
 observations. 
 
 " The calls of hunger were so pressing, that 
 the intended experiments upon heat and respira- 
 tion gave way to them. I was obliged on the 
 third day. to kill the sheep for food ; and being 
 at that time infinitely above the moon, and for 
 upwards of sixteen hours after so very near the 
 sun that it scorched my eye-brows, I placed the 
 carcass, taking care to skin it first, in that part 
 of the car where the sun had sufficient power, 
 or, in other words, where the balloon did not 
 shade it from the sun, by which method it was 
 well roasted in about two hours. This has been 
 my food ever since." Here he paused, and seem- 
 ed lost in viewing the objects about him. When 
 I told him the buildin<^s before us were the Grand 
 Seignior's Seraglio at Constantinople, he seemed 
 exceedingly affected, as he had supposed himself 
 in a very different situation. " The cause,"
 
 BAKOX MUNCIIAUSEX. 71 
 
 added he, " of my long flight, \cas owing to the 
 faihire of a string which was fixed to a valve in 
 ihe balloon, intended to let out the inflammable 
 air; and if it had not been fired at, and rent in 
 the manner before mentioned, I might, like 
 Mahomet, have been suspended between heaven 
 and earth till doomsday." 
 
 The Grand Seignior, to wliom I was intro- 
 duced by the Imperial, Russian and French am- 
 bassadors, employed me to negotiate a matter of 
 great importance at Grand Cairo, and which 
 was of such a nature that it must ever remain a 
 secret. 
 
 I went there in great state by land ; where, 
 having completed the business, I dismissed al- 
 most all my attendants, and returned like a pri- 
 vate gentleman : the weather was delightful, and 
 that famous river the Nile was beautiful beyond 
 all description ; in short, I was tempted to hire a 
 barge to descend by water to Alexandria, On 
 the third day of my voyage the river began to 
 rise most amazingly (you have all heard I pre- 
 sume, of the annual overflowing of the Nile), and 
 on the next day it spread the whole countr)' for 
 many leagues on each side! On the fifth, at
 
 7« ORIGINAL TRAVELS OP 
 
 sunrise, my barge became entangled with what 1 
 at first took for shrubs, but as the Hght became 
 stronger I found myself surrounded by almonds, 
 which were perfectly ripe, and in the highest 
 perfection. Upon plumbing with a line my 
 people found we were at least sixty feet from the 
 ground, and unable to advance or retreat. At 
 about eight or nine o'clock, as near as I could 
 judge by the altitude of the sun, the wind rose 
 suddenly, and canted our barge on one side ; 
 here she filled, and I saw no more of her for some 
 time. Fortunately we all saved ourselves (six 
 men and two boys) by clinging to the tree, the 
 boughs of which were equal to our weight, though 
 not to that of the barge ; in this situation we 
 continued six weeks and three days, living upon 
 the almonds : I need not inform you we had 
 plenty of water. On the forty-second day of 
 our distress the water fell as rapidly as it had 
 risen, and on the forty-sixth we were able to ven- 
 ture down upon terra firmao Our barge was the 
 first pleasing object we saw, about two hundred 
 yards from the spot where she sunk. After drying 
 everything that was useful by the heat of the sun, 
 and loading ourselves with necessaries from the
 
 BAR ON M UiXCHA USEN, 73 
 
 stores on board, we set out to recover our lost 
 ground, and found, by the nearest calculation. 
 we had been carried over garden-walls, and a 
 variety of enclosures, above one hundred and 
 fifty miles. In four days, after a tiresome journey 
 on foot, with thin shoes, we reached the river, 
 which was now confined to its banks, related 
 our adventures to a boy, who kindly accommo- 
 dated all our wants, and sent us forward in a 
 barge of his own. In six days more we arrived 
 at Alexandria, where we took shipping for Con- 
 stantinople. I was received kindly by the 
 Grand Seignior, and had the honor of seeing 
 the seraglio, to which his highness intraJuced 
 me himself.
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 Pays a visit during the siege of Gibraltar to his old friend 
 General Elliot — Sinks a Spanish man-of-war — Wakes an 
 old woman on the African coast — Destroys all the ene- 
 my's cannon ; frightens the Count d'Artois, and sends 
 hmi to Paris — Saves the lives of two English spies with 
 the identical sling that killed Goliah ; and raises the 
 siege. 
 
 URING the late siege of Gibraltar I 
 went with a provision-fleet, under Lord 
 Rodney's command, to see my old 
 friend General Elliot, w^ho has, by his distin- 
 guished defence of that place, acquired laurels 
 that can never fade. After the usual joy which 
 generally attends the meeting of old friends had 
 subsided, I went to examine the state of the 
 garrison, and view the operations of the enemy, 
 for which purpose the general accompanied me. 
 
 I had brought a most excellent refracting tele- 
 (74»
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA USE N. 75 
 
 scope with me from London, purchased of Dol- 
 lond, by the help of which I found the enemy 
 were going to discharge a thirty-six pounder at 
 the spot where we stood. I told the general 
 what they were about ; he looked through the 
 glass also, and found my conjectures right. I 
 immediately, by his permission, ordered a forty- 
 eight pounder to be brought from a neighboring 
 battery, which I placed with so much exactness 
 (having long studied the art of gunnery) that I 
 was sure of my mark. 
 
 I continued watching the enemy till I saw 
 the rr^atch placed at the touch-hole of their 
 piece ; at that very instant I gave the signal for 
 our gu vl *"o be fired also. 
 
 AboJil .nidway between the two pieces of 
 cannon the balls struck each other with amazing 
 force, lyiid the effect was astonishing ! The ene- 
 my's ball recoiled back with such violence as to 
 lall the man who had discharged it, by carrying 
 his head fairly off, with sixteen others which it 
 met with in its progress to the Barbary coast, 
 where its force, after passing through three 
 masts of vessels that then lay in a line behind 
 each other in the harbor, was so much spent,
 
 76 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 that it only broke its way through the roof of a 
 poor laborer's hut, about two hundred yards 
 inland, and destroyed a few teeth an old woman 
 had left, who lay asleep upon her back with her 
 mouth open. The ball lodged in her throat. 
 " Her husband soon after came home, and endeav- 
 ored to extract it ; but finding that impracticable, 
 by the assistance of a rammer he forced it into 
 her stomach. Our ball did excellent service ; for 
 it not only repelled the other in the manner just 
 described, but proceeding as I intended it should, 
 it dismounted the very piece of cannon that had 
 just been employed against us, and forced it into 
 the hold of the ship, where it fell with so much 
 force as to break its way through the bottom. 
 The ship immediately filled and sank, with 
 above a thousand Spanish sailors on board, 
 besides a considerable number of soldiers. This, 
 to be sure, was a most extraordinary exploit ; I 
 will not, however, take the whole merit to my- 
 self ; my judgment was the principal engine, but 
 chance assisted me a little ; for I afterwards 
 found that the man who charged our forty-eight 
 pounder, put in, by mistake, a double quantity 
 of powder, else we could never have succeeded
 
 BARON MUNCHAUSEN. 77 
 
 so much beyond all expectation, especially in 
 repelling the enemy's ball. 
 
 General Elliott would have given me a com- 
 mission for this singular piece of service; but I 
 declined everything except his thanks, which I 
 received at a crowded table of officers at supper 
 on the evening ot that very day„ 
 
 As I am very partial to the English, who are 
 beyond all doubt a brave people, I determined 
 not to take my leave of the garrison till I had 
 rendered them another piece of service, and in 
 about three weeks an opportunity presented 
 itself. I dressed myself in the habit of a Popish 
 priest^ and at about one o'clock in the morning 
 stole out of the garrison, passed the enemy's 
 lines, and arrived in the middle of their camp, 
 where I entered the tent in which the Prince 
 d'ArtoIs was, with the commander-in-chief, and 
 several other officers, in deep council, concerting 
 a plan to storm the garrison next morning. My 
 disguise was my protection ; they suffered me to 
 continue there, hearing everything that passed, 
 till they went to their several beds. When I 
 found the whole camp, and even the sentinels, 
 were wrapped up in the arms of Morpheus, I
 
 yS ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 began my work, whrch was that of dismounting 
 all their cannon (above three hundred pieces), 
 from forty-eight to twenty-four pounders, and 
 throwing them three leagues into the sea. Hav- 
 ing no assistance, I found this the hardest task I 
 ever undertook, except swimming to the opposite 
 shore with the famous Turkish piece of ordnance, 
 described by Baron de Tott in his Memoirs, 
 which I shall hereafter mention. I then piled 
 all the carriages together in the centre of the 
 camp, which, to prevent the noise of the wheels 
 being heard, I carried in pairs under my arms I 
 and a noble appearance they made, as high at 
 least as the rock of Gibraltar. I then lighted a 
 match by striking a flint stone, situated twenty 
 feet from the ground (in an old wall built by the 
 Moors when they invaded Spain), with the 
 breech of an iron eight-and-forty pounder, and so 
 set fire to the whole pile, I forgot to inform 
 you that I threw all their ammunition-wagons 
 upon the top. 
 
 Before I applied the lighted match I had laid 
 the combustibles at the bottom so judiciously, 
 that the whole was in a blaze in a moment To 
 prevent suspicion I was one of the first to express
 
 BAR ON M UAX'IIA l/SEiV. 79 
 
 my surprise. The whole camp was, as you may 
 
 imagine, petrified with astonishment : the gen- 
 eral conclusion was, that their sentinels had been 
 bribed, and that seven or eight regiments of 
 the garrison had been employed in this horrid 
 destruction of their artillery. Mr. Drinkwater, 
 in his account of this famous siege, mentions the 
 enemy sustaining a great loss by fire which hap- 
 pened in their camp, but never knew the cause; 
 how should he } as I never divulged it before 
 (though I alone saved Gibraltar by this night's 
 business), not even to General Elliott. The Count 
 d' Artois and all his attendants ran away in their 
 fright, and never stopped on the road till they 
 reached Paris, which they did in about a fort- 
 night ; this dreadful conflagration had such an 
 effect upon them that they were incapable of 
 taking the least refreshment for three months 
 ifter, but, chameleon-like, lived upon the air. 
 
 [If any gentleman will say he doubts the truth 
 of this story, I will fine him a gallon of brandy 
 and make him drink it at one draught] 
 
 About two months after I had done the be- 
 sieged this service, one morning, as I sat at 
 breakfast with General Elliot, a shell (for I had
 
 8o ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 not time to destroy their mortars as well as their 
 cannon) entered the apartment we were sitting 
 in ; it lodged upon our table : the General, as 
 most men would do, quitted the room directly ; 
 but I took it up before it burst, and carried it 
 to top of the rock, when, looking over the 
 enemy's camp, on an eminence near the sea- 
 coast I observed a considerable number of people, 
 but could not, with my naked eye, discover how 
 they were employed. I had recourse again to 
 my telescope, when I found that t\vo of our offi- 
 cers, one a general, the other a colonel, wiih 
 whom I had spent the preceding evening, and 
 who went out into the enemy's camp about mid- 
 night as spies, were taken, and then were actually 
 going to be executed on a gibbet. I found the 
 distance too great to throw the shell with my 
 hand, but most fortunately recollecting that I 
 had the very sling in my pocket which assisted 
 David in slaying Goliath, I placed the shell in it, 
 and immediately threw it in the midst of them : 
 it burst as it fell, and destroyed all present, ex- 
 cept the two culprits, who were saved by being 
 suspended so high, for they were just turned oft*, 
 however, one of the pieces of the shell fled with
 
 BAR OX MUNCH A USEN. 8 1 
 
 such force against tlie foot of the gibbet, that it 
 immediately brought it down. Our two friends 
 no sooner felt terra firma, than they looked 
 about for the cause ; and finding their guards^ 
 executioner, and all, had taken it into their heads 
 to die first, they directly extricated each other 
 from their disgraceful cords, and then ran dow n 
 to the seashore, seized a Spanish boat with two 
 men in it, and made them row to one of our ships, 
 which they did with great safety, and in a few 
 minutes after, when I was relating to General 
 Elliot how I had acted, they both took us by the 
 hand, and after mutual congratulations we re> 
 tired to spend the day with festivity.
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 An interesting account of the Baron's ancestors — A quap 
 rel relative to the spot where Noah built his ark — The 
 history of the sling and its properties — A favorite poet 
 introduced upon no very reputable occasion — Queen 
 Elizabeth's abstinence — The Baron's father crosses from 
 England to Holland upon a marine horse, which he 
 sells foL seven hundred ducats. 
 
 OU wish (I can see by your counte- 
 nances) I would inform you how I be- 
 ^M came possessed of such a treasure as 
 tne sling just mentioned. (Here facts must be 
 held sacred.) Thus then it was : I am a de- 
 scendant of the wife of Uriah, whom we all know 
 David was intimate with ; she had several chil* 
 dren by his majesty ; they quarreled once upon 
 a matter of the first consequence, viz., the spot 
 where Noah's ark was built, and where it rested 
 
 after the flood. A sej^aration consequently en- 
 (82)
 
 BAR ON M UNCI! A USEN. 8;, 
 
 Sued. She had often heard him speak of this 
 slinc: as his most valuable treasure : this she stole 
 the night they parted ; it was missed before she 
 got out of his dominions, and she was pursued 
 by no less than six of the king's body-guards : 
 however, by using it herself she hit the first of 
 them {for one was more active in the pursuit 
 than the rest) where David did Goliath, and killed 
 him on the spot. His companions were so 
 alarmed at his fall that they retired, and left 
 Uriah's wife to pursue her journey. She took 
 with her, I should have informed you before, her 
 favorite son by this connection, to whom she be- 
 queathed the sling ; and thus it has, without in- 
 terruption, descended from father to son till it 
 came into my possession. One of its possessors, 
 my great great great grandfather, who lived about 
 two hundred and fifty years ago, was upon 
 a visit to England, and became intimate with a 
 poet who was a great deerstealer ; I think his 
 name was Shakespeare : he frequently borrowed 
 this sling, and with it killed so much of Sir 
 Thomas Lucy's vension, that he narrowly es- 
 caped the fate of my two friends at Gibraltar. 
 Poor Shakespeare was imprisoned, and my ances-
 
 84 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 tor obtained his freedom in a very singular 
 manner. Queen Elizabeth was then on the 
 throne, but grown so indolent that every trifling 
 matter was become a trouble to her ; dressing, 
 undressing, eating, drinking, and some other 
 offices which shall be nameless, made life a bur- 
 den to her ; all these things he enabled her to 
 do without, or by a deputy ! and what do you 
 think was the only return she could prevail upon 
 him to accept for such eminent services ? setting 
 Shakespeare at liberty ! Such was his affection 
 for that famous writer, that he would have 
 shortened his own days to add to the number 
 of his friend's. 
 
 I do not hear that any of the queen's sub- 
 jects, particularly the beef-eaters^ as they are 
 vulgarly called to this day, however they might 
 be struck with the novelty at the time, much 
 approved of her living totally without food. She 
 did not survive the practice herself above sevei 
 years and a half. 
 
 My father who was the immediate possessor 
 of this sling before me, told me the following 
 anecdote : — 
 
 He was walking by the seashore at Harwich,
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A L/SEN. 85 
 
 with this sling in his pocket ; before his paces 
 had covered a mile he was attacked by a fierce 
 animal called a seahorse, open-mouthed, who ran 
 at him with great fury ; he hesitated a moment, 
 then took out his sling, retreated back about a 
 hundred yards, stooped for a couple of pebbles, 
 of which there were plenty under his feet, and 
 slung them both so dexterously at the animal, 
 that each stone put out an eye, and lodged in the 
 cavities which their removal had occasioned. 
 He now got upon his back, and drove him into 
 the sea; for the moment he lost his sight he lost 
 also his ferocity, and became as tame as possible : 
 the sling was placed as a bridle in his mouth ; 
 he was guided with the greatest facility across the 
 ocean, and in less than three hours they both 
 arrived on the opposite shore, which is about 
 thirty leagues. The master of the Three Cups, 
 at Helvoetsluys, in Holland, purchased this ma- 
 rine horse, to make an exhibition of, for seven 
 hundred ducats, which was upwards of three 
 hundred pounds, and the next day my father 
 paid his passage back in the packet to Harwich. 
 [My father made several curious observations 
 in this passage, which I will relate hereafter.]
 
 CHAPTER XIL 
 
 The frolic ; its consequences — Windsor Castle — St. Paul's 
 — College of Physicians — Undertakers, sextons, &c., al- 
 almost ruined — Industry of the apothecaries. 
 
 THE FROLIC. 
 
 HIS famous sling makes the possessor 
 equal to any task he is desirous of per- 
 forming. 
 
 I made a balloon of such extensive dimensions, 
 that an account of the silk it contained would 
 exceed all credibility; every micrcer's shop and 
 weaver's stock in London, Westminster, and 
 Spitalfields contributed to it : with this balloon 
 and my sling I played many tricks, such as 
 taking one house from its station and placing 
 
 another in its stead, without disturbing the in- 
 
 (8G)
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A I 'SEN. 8 7 
 
 habitants, who were generally asleep, or too much 
 employed to observe the peregrinations of their 
 habitations. When the sentinel at Windsor 
 Castle heard St. Paul's clock strike thirteen, it 
 was through my dexterity ; I brought the build- 
 ings nearly together that night by placing the 
 castle in St. George's Fields, and carried it back 
 again before daylight, without waking any of 
 the inhabitants ; notwithstanding these exploits, 
 I should have kept my balloon and its properties 
 a secret, if Montgolfier had not made the art of 
 flying so public. 
 
 On the 30th of September, when the College 
 of Physicians chose their annual ofHcers, and 
 dined sumptuously together, I filled my balloon, 
 brought it over the dome of their building, 
 clapped the sling round the golden ball at the 
 top, fastening the other end of it to the balloon, 
 and immediately ascended with the whole col- 
 lege to an immense height, where I kept them 
 upwards of three months. You will naturally 
 inquire what they did for food such a length of 
 time ? To this I answer, Had I kept them sus- 
 pended twice the time, they would have expe- 
 rienced no inconvenience on that account, so
 
 88 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 amply, or rather extravagantly, had they spread 
 their table for that day's feasting. 
 
 Thousfh this was meant as an innocent frolic, 
 it was productive of much mischief to several 
 respectable characters amongst the clergy, un- 
 dertakers, sextons and grave-diggers : they were, 
 it must be acknowledged, sufferers ; for it is a 
 well-known fact, that during the three months 
 the college was suspended in the air, and there- 
 fore incapable of attending their patients, no 
 deaths happened, except a few who fell before 
 the scythe of Father time, and some melancholy 
 objects who perhaps to avoid some trifling in- 
 convenience here, laid the hands of violence 
 upon themselves, and plunged into misery in- 
 finitely greater than that which they hoped by 
 such a rash step to avoid, without a moments 
 consideration. 
 
 If the apothecaries had not been very active 
 during the above time, half the undertakers in 
 all probability would have been bankrupts.
 
 ^Wl 
 
 
 
 CHAPTER XIIL 
 
 A TRir TO THE NORTH. 
 
 The Baron sails with Captain Phipps, attacks two large 
 bears, and has a very narrow escape — Gains the confi- 
 dence of these animals, and then destroys thousands of 
 them ; loads the ship with their hams and skins ; makes 
 presents of the former, and obtains a general invitation 
 to all city feasts — A dispute between the captain and the 
 Baron, in which, from motives of politeness, the captain 
 is suffered to gain his point — The Baron declines the 
 honor of a throne, and an empress into the bargani. 
 
 E all remember Captain Phipps*s (now 
 Lord Mulgrave) last voyage of discov- 
 ery to the north. I accompanied the 
 captain, not as an officer, but a private friend. 
 When we arrived in a high northern latitude I 
 was viewing the objects around me with the tcl- 
 e.«^cope which I introduced to your notice in my 
 Gibraltar adventures. I thought I saw two large 
 white bears in violent action upon a body of ice 
 
 considerably above the masts, and about half a 
 
 (89)
 
 go ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 league distance. I immediately took my carbine, 
 slung it across my shoulder, and ascended the 
 ice. When I arrived at the top, the unevenness 
 of the surface made my approach to those an- 
 imals troublesome and hazardous beyond expres- 
 sion : sometimes hideous cavities opposed me, 
 which I was obliged to spring over; in other 
 parts the surface was as smooth as a mirror, and 
 I was continually falling : as I approached near 
 enough to reach them, I found they were only 
 at play. I immediately began to calculate the 
 value of their skins, for they were each as large 
 as a well-fed ox : unfortunately, the very instant 
 I was presenting my carbine my right fool 
 slipped, I fell upon my back, and the violence 
 of the blow deprived me totally of my senses for 
 nearly half an hour ; however, when I recovered, 
 judge of my surprise at finding one of those 
 large animals I have been just describing had 
 turned me upon niy face, and was just laying 
 hold of the waistband of my breeches, which 
 were then new and made of leather; he was cer- 
 tainly going to carry me feet foremost, God 
 knows where, when I took this knife (showing 
 a large clasp knife) out of my side pocket, made
 
 £AR ON IvTUNCHA USEN, 9 1 
 
 A. chop at one of his hind feet, and cut off three 
 of his toes ; he immediately let me drop and 
 roared most horribly. I took up my carbine 
 and fired at him as he ran off; he fell directly. 
 The noise of the piece roused several thousands 
 of these white bears, who were asleep upon the 
 ice within half a mile of me ; they came imme- 
 diately to the spot. There was no time to be 
 lost. A most fortunate thought arrived in my 
 pericranium just at that instant. I took off the 
 skin and head of the dead bear in half the time 
 that some people would be in skinning a rab- 
 bit, and wrapped myself in it, placing my own 
 head directly under Bruin's ; the whole herd 
 came round me immediately, and my apprehen- 
 sions threw me into a most piteous situation to 
 be sure : however, my scheme turned out a most 
 admirable one for my own safety. They all 
 came smelling, and evidently took me for a 
 brother Bruin ; I wanted nothing but bulk to 
 make an excellent counterfeit : however, I saw 
 several cubs amongst them not much larger than 
 myself. After they had all smelt me, and the 
 body of their deceased companion, whose skin 
 was now become my protector, we seemed very
 
 92 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 sociable, and I found I could mimic all their ac« 
 tions tolerably well ; but at growling, roaring, 
 and hugging they were quite my masters. I 
 began now to think how I might turn the gen- 
 eral confidence which I had created amongst 
 these animals to my advantage. 
 
 I had heard an old army surgeon say a wound 
 in the spine was instant death. I now deter- 
 mined to try the experiment, and had again re- 
 course to my knife, with which I struck the 
 largest in the back of the neck, near the shoul- 
 ders, but under great apprehensions, not doubt- 
 ing but the creature would, if he survived the 
 stab, tear me to pieces. However, I was remark- 
 ably fortunate, for he fell dead at my feet with- 
 out making the least noise. I was now resolved 
 to demolish them every one in the same man- 
 ner, which I accomplished without the least dif- 
 ficulty ; for, although they saw their companions 
 fall, they had no suspicion of either the cause or 
 the effect. When they all lay dead before me, 
 I felt myself a second Samson, having slain my 
 thousands. 
 
 To make short of the story, I went back to 
 the ship, and borrowed three parts of the crew
 
 BAROX MUA'CIfAUSEN. 93 
 
 to assist me in skinning them, and carrying the 
 hams on board, which we did in a few hours, 
 and loaded the ship with them. As to the other 
 parts of the animals, they were thrown into the 
 sea, though I doubt not but the whole would eat 
 as well as the legs, were they properly cured. 
 
 As soon as we returned I sent some of the 
 hams, in the captain's name, to the Lords of the 
 Admiralty, others to the Lords of the Treasury 
 some to the Lord Mayor and Corporation of 
 London, a few to each of the trading companies, 
 and the remainder to my particular friends, 
 from all of whom I received warm thanks ; but 
 from the city I was honored with substantial 
 notice, viz., an invitation to dine at Guildhall 
 annually on Lord Mayor's day. 
 
 The bear-skins I sent to the Empress of Rus- 
 sia, to clothe her majesty and her court in the 
 winter, for which she wrote me a letter of thanks 
 with her own hand, and sent it by an ambassador 
 extraordinary, inviting me to share the honors 
 of her bed and crown ; but as I never was ambi- 
 tious of royal dignity, I declined her majesty's 
 favor in the politest terms. The same ambas- 
 sador had orders to wait and bring my answer to
 
 94 
 
 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 her majesty /^rj(?7;^//K, upon which business he 
 was absent about three months : her majesty's 
 reply convinced me of the strength of her affec- 
 tions, and the dignity of her mind ; her late 
 indisposition was entirely owing (as she, kind 
 creature ! was pleased to express herself in a late 
 conversation with the Prince Dolgoroucki) to 
 my cruelty. What the sex see in me I cannot 
 conceive, but the Empress is not the only female 
 sovereign who has offered me her hand. 
 
 Some people have very illiberally reported 
 that Captain Phipps did not proceed a > far as 
 he might have done upon that expeditio i. Here 
 it becomes my duty to acquit him ; our ship was 
 in a very proper trim till I loaded it with such 
 an immense quantity of bear-skins and hams, 
 after w^hich it would have been madness to have 
 attempted to proceed further, as we were now 
 scarcely able to combat a brisk gale, much less 
 those mountains of ice which lay in the higher 
 latitudes. 
 
 The captain has since often expressed a dis- 
 satisfaction that he had no share in the honors 
 of that day, which he emphatically called bear- 
 skin day. He has also been very desirous ol
 
 B, ik OA' AiUNCJJA USEN. 9 :; 
 
 knowing by what art I destroyed so many 
 thousands, without fatigue or danger to myself; 
 indeed, he is so ambitious of dividing the glory 
 with me, that we have actually quarreled about 
 it, and we are not now upon speaking terms. 
 He boldly asserts I had no merit in deceiving 
 the bears, because I was covered with one of 
 their skins ; nay, he declares there is not, in his 
 opinion, in Europe, so complete a bear naturally 
 as himself among the human species. 
 
 He is now a noble peer, and I am too well 
 acquainted with good manners to dispute so 
 delicate a point with his lordship.
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 Our Baron excels Baron Tott beyond all comparison, j'ct 
 fftUs in part of his attempt — Gets into disgrace with the 
 Grand Seignior, who orders his head to be cut off — • 
 Escapes, and gets on board a vessel, in which he is car- 
 ried to Venice — Baron Tott's origin, with some account 
 of that great man's parents — Pope Ganganelli's amour 
 — His Holiness fond of shell-fish. 
 
 ARON DE TOTT, in his Memoirs, 
 
 makes as great a parade of a single 
 
 act as many travelers whose whole 
 
 lives have been spent in seeing the different 
 
 parts of the globe ; for my part, if I had been 
 
 blown from Europe to Asia from the mouth of 
 
 a cannon, I should have boasted less of it 
 
 afterwards than he has done of only firing off a 
 (96)
 
 BAR 0\ MDNCHA USE.V. c 7 
 
 Turkish piece of ordnance. Wliat he says oi 
 this wonderful gun, as near as my memory will 
 serve me, is this : " The Turks had placed be- 
 low the castle, and near the city, on the banks 
 of Simois, a celebrated river, an enormous piece 
 of ordnance cast in brass, which would carry a 
 marble ball of eleven hundred pounds weight 
 I was inclined," says Tott, " to fire it, but I was 
 willing first to judge of its effect ; the crowd 
 about me trembled at this proposal, as they 
 asserted it would overthrow not only the castle, 
 but their city also ; at length their fears in part 
 subsided, and I was permitted to discharge it. 
 It required not less than three hundred and 
 thirty pounds weight of powder, and the ball 
 weighed, as before mentioned, eleven hundred- 
 weight. When the engineer brought the prim- 
 ing, the crowds who were about me retreated 
 back as fast as they could ; nay, it was with the 
 utmost difficulty I persuaded the Pacha, who 
 came on purpose, there was no danger : even the 
 engineer who was to discharge it by my direction 
 was considerably alarmed. I took my stand on 
 some stone-work behind the cannon, gave the 
 signal, and felt a shock like that of an earth-
 
 98 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 queike At the distance of three hundred tathom 
 the ball burst into three pieces ; the fragments 
 crossed the strait, rebounded on the opposite 
 mountain, and left the surface of the water all 
 in a foam through the whole breadth of the 
 channel." 
 
 This, gentlemen, is, as near as I can recollect, 
 Baron Tott's account of the largest cannon in 
 the known world. Now, when I was there, not 
 long since, the anecdote of Tott's firing this tre- 
 mendous piece was mentioned as a proof of that 
 gentleman's extraordinary courage. 
 
 I was determined not to be outdone by a 
 Frenchman, therefore took this very piece upon 
 my shoulder, and, after balancing it properly, 
 jumped into the sea with it, and swam to the 
 opposite shore, from whence I unfortunately at- 
 tempted to throw it back into its former place. 
 I say unfortunately, for it slipped a little in my 
 hand just as I was about to discharge it, and in 
 consequence of that it Ml into the middle of the 
 channel, where it now lies, without a prospect of 
 ever recoverino- it : and notwithstandins: the hi^h 
 favor I was in with the Grand Seignior, as before 
 mentioned, this cruel Turk, as soon as he heard
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA C/SEN. 99 
 
 of the loss of his famous piece of ordnance, is- 
 sued an order to cut off my head. I was im- 
 mediately informed of it by one of the Sultanas, 
 with whom I was become a great favorite, and 
 she secreted me in her apartment while the 
 officer charged with my execution was, with his 
 assistants, in search of me. 
 
 That very night I made my escape on board 
 a vessel bound to Venice, which was then weigh- 
 ing anchor to proceed on her voyage. 
 
 The last story, gentleman, I am not fond of 
 mentioning, as I miscarried in the attempt, and 
 was very near losing my life into the bargain ; 
 however, as it contains no impeachment of my 
 honor, I would not withhold it from you. 
 
 Now, gentlemen, you all know me, and can 
 have no doubt of my veracity. I will entertain 
 you with the origin of this same swaggering, 
 bouncing Tott. 
 
 His reputed father was a native of Berne, in 
 Switzerland ; his profession was that of a sur- 
 veyor of the streets, lanes, and alleys, vulgarly 
 called a scavenger. His mother was a native of 
 the mountains of Savoy, and had a most beauti- 
 ful large wen on her neck, common to both sexes
 
 lOo ORIGINAL T'RAVELS OF 
 
 in that part of the world ; she left her parents 
 when young, and sought her fortune in the same 
 city which gave his father birth ; she maintained 
 herself while single by acts of kindness to onr 
 sex, for she never v?as known to refuse them any 
 favor they asked, provided they did but pay 
 her some compliment beforehand. This lovely 
 couple met by accident in the street, in conse- 
 quence of their being both intoxicated, for by 
 reeling to one centre they threw each other down ; 
 this created mutual abuse, in which they were 
 complete adepts ; they were both K:arried to the 
 watch-house, and afterwards to the house of cor- 
 rection ; they soon saw the folly of quarreling, 
 made it up, became fond of each other, and mar- 
 ried ; but madam returning to her old tricks, his 
 father, who had high notions of honor, soon 
 separated himself from her ; she then joined a 
 family who strolled about with a puppet-show. 
 In time she arrived at Rome, where she kept an 
 oyster stand. You have all heard, no doubt, of 
 Pope Ganganelli, commonly called Clement 
 XIV. : he was remarkably fond of oysters. One 
 Good Friday, as he was passing through this
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN. i o i 
 
 famous city in state, to assist at liigh mass at St. 
 Peter's Church, he saw this woman's oysters 
 (which were remarkably fine and fresh); he 
 could not proceed without tasting them. There 
 were about five thousand people in his train ; he 
 ordered them all to stop, and sent word to the 
 church he could not attend mass till next day ; 
 then alighting from his horse (for the Pope 
 always rides on horseback upon these occasions) 
 he went into her stall, and ate every oyster she 
 had there, and afterwards retired into the cellar 
 where she had a few more. This subterraneous 
 apartment was her kitchen, parlor, and bedcham- 
 ber. He liked his situation so much that he 
 discharged all his attendants, and to make short 
 of the story. His Holiness passed the whole night 
 there ! Before they parted he gave her absolu- 
 tion, not only for ever sin she had, but all she 
 might hereafter commit. 
 
 [Now, gentlemen, I have his mother's word 
 for it (and her honor cannot be doubted), that 
 Earon Tott is the fruit of that amour. When 
 Tott was born, his mother applied to His Holi- 
 ness, as the father of her child ; he immediately
 
 loi ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 placed him under proper people, and as he grew 
 up gave him a gentleman's education, had him 
 taught the use of arms, procured him promotion 
 in France, and a title, and when he died he left 
 him a good estate.]
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 A further account of the journey from Harwich to Hel- 
 
 voetsluys — Description of a number of marine objects 
 never mentioned by any traveler before — Rocks seen in 
 this passage equal to the Alps in magnitude ; lobsters, 
 crabs, &c., of an extraordinary magnitude — A woman's 
 life saved — The cause of her falling into the sea — Dr. 
 Hawes's directions followed with success. 
 
 OMITTED several very material 
 parts in niy father's journey across the 
 English Channel to Holland, which, 
 that they may not be totally lost, I will now faith- 
 fully give you in his own words, as I heard him 
 relate them to his friends several times. 
 
 " On my arrival," says my father, ** at Hel- 
 
 voetsluys, I was observed to breathe with some 
 
 (103^
 
 I04 URIGJXAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 difficulty; upon the inhabitants inquiring into 
 the cause, I informed them that the animal upon 
 whose back I rode from Harwich across to their 
 shore did not swim ! Such is their peculiar form 
 and disposition, that they cannot float or move 
 upon the surface of the water ; he ran with incred- 
 ible swiftness upon the sands from shore to shore, 
 driving fish in millions before him, many of which 
 were quite different from any I had yet seen, 
 carrying their heads at the extremity of their 
 tails. I crossed," continued he, " one prodigious 
 range of rocks, equal in height to the Alps (the 
 tops or highest part of these marine mountains 
 are said to be upwards of one hundred fathoms 
 below the surface of the sea), on the sides of 
 which there was a great variety of tall, noble 
 trees, loaded with marine fruit, such as lobsters, 
 crabs, oysters, scollops, mussels, cockles, &c., &c.; 
 some of which were a cart-load single ! and none 
 less than a porter's ! All those which are brought 
 on shore and sold in our markets are of an infe- 
 rior dwarf kind, or, properly, waterfalls, Le., fruit 
 shook off the branches of the tree it grows upon 
 by the motion of the water, as those In our gar- 
 dens are by that of the wind! The lobster-trees ap
 
 peared the riichest, but tlic crab and oysters were 
 the tallest. The periwinkle is a kind of shrub ; 
 it grows at the foot of the 03^ster-tree, and twines 
 around it as the ivy does the oak. I observed the 
 effect of several accidents by shipwreck, &c., par- 
 ticularly a ship that had been wrecked by strik- 
 ing against a mountain or rock, the top of which 
 lay within three fathoms of the surface. As she 
 sunk she fell upon her side, and forced a very 
 large lobster-tree out of its place. It was in the 
 spring, when the lobsters were very young, and 
 many of them being separated by the violence of 
 the shock, they fell upon a crab-tree which was 
 growing below them ; they have, like the farina 
 of plants, united, and produced a fish resembling 
 both. I endeavored to brin'.x one with me, but it 
 was too cumbersome, and my salt-water Pegasus 
 seemed much displeased at every attempt to stop 
 his career whilst I continued upon his back ; 
 besides, I was then, though galloping over a 
 mountain of rocks that lay about midway the 
 passage, as least five hundred fathom below the 
 surface of the sea, and began to find the wand of 
 air inconvenient, therefore I had no inclination. 
 to prolong the time. Add to this, my situation
 
 io6 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 was in other respects very unpleasant ; I met 
 many large fish, who were, if I could judge by 
 their open mouths, not only able, but really 
 wished to devour us ; now, as my Rosinante was 
 blind, I had these hungry gentlemen's attempts 
 to guard against, in addition to my other diffi- 
 culties. 
 
 " As we drew near the Dutch shore,, and the 
 body of water over our heads did not exceed 
 twenty fathoms, I thought I saw a human figure 
 in a female dress then lying on the sand before 
 me with some signs of life ; when I came close I 
 perceived her hand move ; I took it into mine, 
 and brought heron shore as a corpse. An apoth- 
 ecary, who had just been instructed by Dr. Hawes 
 (the Baron's father must have lived very lately 
 if Dr. Hawes was his preceptor), of London, 
 treated her properly, and she recovered. She 
 was the rib of a man who commanded a vessel 
 belonging to Helvoetsluys. He was just going 
 out of port on a voyage, when she, hearing he 
 had got a mistress with him, followed him in an 
 open boat. As soon as she had got on the quar- 
 ter-deck she flew at her husband, and attempted 
 to strike him with such impetuosity, that he
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN. 1 07 
 
 thought it most prudent to slip on one side, and 
 let her make the impression of her fingers upon 
 the waves rather than his face : he was not much 
 out in his ideas of the consequence ; for meeting 
 no opposition, she went directly overboard, and 
 it was my unfortunate lot to lay the foundation 
 for bringing this happy pair together again. 
 
 " I can easily conceive what execrations the 
 husband loaded me with when, on his return, he 
 found this gentle creature w^aiting his arrival, 
 and learned the means by which she came into 
 the world again. However, great as the injury is 
 which I have done this poor devil, I hope he will 
 die in charity with me, as my motive was good, 
 though the consequences to him are. it must be 
 confessed, horrible."
 
 CHAPTER XVL 
 
 This is a very short chapter, but contains a fact for which 
 the Baron's memory ought to be dear to every English- 
 man, especially those who may hereafter have the mis- 
 fortune of being made prisoners of war. 
 
 I N my return from Gibraltar I travelled 
 by way of France to England. Being 
 a foreicrner, this was not attended with 
 any inconvenience to me. I found, in the har- 
 bor of Calais, a ship just arrived with a number 
 of English sailors as prisoners of war. I imme- 
 diately conceived an idea of givinp' these brave 
 fellows their liberty, which I accomplished as 
 follows : After forming a pair of large wings, 
 each of them forty yards long, and fourteen 
 wide, and annexing them to myself, I mounted 
 
 at break of day, when every creature, even the 
 (108)
 
 BARON M UXCI/A US EN. 1 09 
 
 watch upon deck, was fast asleep. As I hov- 
 ered over the ship I fastened three grappling 
 irons to the tops of the three masts with my 
 sling, and fairly lifted her several yards out of 
 the water, and then proceeded across to Dover, 
 where I arrived in half an hour ! Havinq^ no 
 further occasion for these wings, I made them 
 a present to the governor of Dover Castle, 
 where they are now exhibited to the curious. 
 
 As to the prisoners, and the Frenchmen who 
 guarded them, they did not awake till they 
 had been near two hours on Dover Pier. The 
 moment the English understood their situation 
 they changed places with their guard, and took 
 back what they had been plundered of, but no 
 more, for they were too generous to retaliate 
 and plunder them in return.
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 Voyage eastward — The Baron introduces a friend who 
 never deceived him ; wins a hundred guineas by pinning 
 his faith upon that friend's nose — Game started at sea — 
 Some other circumstances which will, it is hoped, afford 
 the reader no small degree of amusement. 
 
 N a voyage which I made to the East 
 
 Indies with Captain Hamilton, I took 
 
 a favorite pointer with me ; he was, to 
 
 use a common phrase, worth his weight in gold, 
 
 for he never deceived rr,e. One day when we 
 
 were, by the best observations we could make, 
 
 at least three hundred leagues from land, my dog 
 
 pointed ; I observed him for near an hour with 
 
 astonishment, and mentioned the circumstance 
 (110)
 
 BAK Oy MUXCIIA USEN. 1 1 1 
 
 to the captain and every officer on board, assert- 
 ing that we must be near land, for my dog smelt 
 game. This occasioned a general laugh ; but 
 that did not alter in the least the good opinion 
 I had of my dog. After much conversation pro 
 and con, I boldly told the captain I placed more 
 confidence in Tray's nose than I did in the eyes 
 of every seaman on board, and therefore proposed 
 laying the sum I had agreed to pay for my 
 passage (viz., one hundred guineas) that we 
 should find game within half an hour. The 
 captain (a good, hearty fellow) laughed again, 
 desired Mr. Crawford, the surgeon, who was pre- 
 pared, to feel my pulse ; he did so, and reported 
 me in perfect health. The following dialogue 
 between them took place ; I overheard it, though 
 spoken low, and at some distance. 
 
 Captain. — His brain is turned; I cannot with 
 honor accept his wager. 
 
 Surgeon. — I am of a different opinion ; he is 
 quite sane, and depends more upon the scent of 
 his dog than he will upon the judgment of all 
 the officers on board ; he will certainly lose, and 
 he richly merits it. 
 
 Captain. — Such a wager cannot be fair on my
 
 112 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 side however, I'll take him up, if I return liis 
 money afterwards. 
 
 During the above conversation Tray continued 
 in the same situation, and confirmed me still 
 more in my former opinion. I proposed the 
 wager a second time, it was then accepted. 
 
 Done ! and done 1 were scarcely said on both 
 sides, when some sailors who were fishing in the 
 ^ong-boat, which was made fast to the stern of 
 the ship, harpooned an exceeding large shark, 
 which they brought on board and began to cut 
 up for the purpose of barrelling the oil, when, 
 behold, they found no less than six brace of live 
 partridges in this animal's stomach I 
 
 They had been so long in that situation, that 
 one of the hens was sitting on four eggs, and 
 a fifth was hatching when the shark was 
 opened!! ! This young bird we brought up by 
 placing it with a litter of kittens that came into 
 the world a few minutes before ! The old cat 
 was as fond of it as of any of her own four-legged 
 progeny, and made herself very unhappy, when 
 it flew out of her reach, till it returned again. 
 As to the other partridges, there were four hens 
 amongst them ; one or more were, during the
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN. 1 1 j 
 
 voyage, constantly sitt;ng, and consequently we 
 had plenty of game at the captain's table ; and 
 in gratitude to poor T ay (for being a means ot 
 winning one hundred guineas) I ordered him the 
 bones daily, and sometimes a whole bird.
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 A second visit (but an accidental one) to the moon — The 
 ship driven by a whirlwind a thousand leagues above the 
 surface of the water, where a new atmosphere meets them 
 and carries them into a capacious harbor in the moon — ■ 
 A description of the inhabitants, and their manner of 
 coming into the lunarian world — Animals, customs, weap- 
 ons of war, wine, vegetables, &c, 
 
 A SECOND TRIP TO THE MOON. 
 
 HAVE already informed you of one 
 
 trip I made to the moon, in search of 
 
 my silver hatchet ; I afterwards made 
 
 another in a much pleasanter manner, and stayed 
 
 in it long enough to take notice of several things, 
 
 which I will endeavor to describe as accurately 
 
 as my memory will permit. 
 (114)
 
 J^AR ON MUNCH A U^EN. 1 1 i 
 
 I went on a voyage of discovery at the request 
 of a distant relation, who had a strange notion 
 that there were people to be found equal in mag- 
 nitude to those described by Gulliver in the em 
 pire of Brobdignag. For my part I always 
 treated that account as fabulous ; however, to 
 oblige him, for he had made me his heir, I un- 
 dertook it, and sailed for the South seas, when 
 we arrived without meeting with anything re 
 markable, except some flying men and women 
 who were playing at leap-frog, and dancing 
 minuets in the air. 
 
 On the eighteenth day after we had passed the 
 Island of Otaheite, mentioned by Captain Cook 
 as the place from whence they brought Omai, a 
 hurricane blew our ship at least one thousand 
 leagues above the surface of the water, and kept 
 it at that height till a fresh gale arising filled the 
 sails in every part, and onwards we traveled at 
 a prodigious rate ; thus we proceeded above the 
 clouds for six weeks. At last we discovered a 
 great land in the sky, like a shining island, round 
 and bright, where, coming into a convenient har- 
 bor, we went on shore, and soon found it was in 
 habited. Below us we saw another earth, con*
 
 ii^S ORIGINAL 'l2iArl£LS OP 
 
 taining cities, trees, mour.tains, rivers, seas, &c^ 
 which we conjectured was this world which we 
 had left. Here we saw huge figures riding upon 
 vultures of a prodigious size, and each of them 
 liavino: three heads. To form some idea of the 
 magnitude of these birds, I must inform you that 
 eacli of their wings is as wide and six times the 
 length of the main sheet of our vessel, which was 
 about six hundred tons burthen. Thus, instead 
 of riding upon horses, as v/edoin this world, the 
 inhabitants of the moon (for we now found we 
 were in Madam Luna) fly about on these birds. 
 The king, we found, was engaged in a war with 
 the sun, and he offered me a commission, but I 
 declined the honor his majesty intended me. 
 Everything in /y^^j wo rid is of extraordinary mag- 
 nitude ! a common flea being; much larg^er than 
 one of our sheep : in making war, their principal 
 Vv'eapons are radishes, which are used as darts : 
 those who are wounded by them die immediately, 
 Their shields are made of mushrooms, and their 
 darts (when radishes are out of season) of the 
 tops of asparagus. Some of the natives of the 
 dog-star are to be seen here ; commerce tempts 
 them to ramble ; their faces are like large mas-
 
 BAk ON MUNCH A USEN, 1 1 ^ 
 
 tiffs', with tlieir eyes near the lower end or tip of 
 their noses : they have no eyeHds, but cover their 
 eyes with the end of their tongues when they go 
 to sleep ; they are generally twenty feet high. 
 As to the natives of the moon, none of them are 
 less in stature than thirty-six feet : they are not 
 called the human species, but the cooking ani- 
 mals, for they all dress their food by fire, as we do, 
 but lose no time at their meals, as they open their 
 left side, and place the whole quantity at once in 
 their stomach, then shut it again till the same 
 day in the next month ; for they never indulge 
 themselves with food more than twelve t:"mes a 
 year, or once a month. All but gluttons and 
 epicures must prefer this method to ours. 
 
 There is but one sex either of the cookinsf or 
 any other animals in the moon ; they are ail 
 produced from trees of various sizes and I'oliage ; 
 that which produces the cooking animal, or 
 human species, is much more beautiful than 
 any of the others ; it has large straight boughs 
 and flesh-colored leaves, and the fruit it produces 
 are nuts or pods, with hard shells at least two 
 yards long ; when they become ripe, which is 
 known from their changing color, they are gath-
 
 iiS ORIGINAL TRAVELS OP 
 
 ered with great care, and laid by as long as they 
 think proper : when they choose to animate the 
 seed of these nuts, they throw them into a large 
 cauldron of boiling water, which opens the shells 
 in a few hours, and out jumps the creature. 
 
 Nature forms their minds for different pursuits 
 before they come into the world ; from one shell 
 comes forth a warrior, from another a philoso- 
 pher, from a third a divine, from a fourth a law- 
 yer, from a fifth a farmer, from a sixth a clown, 
 d^c, &Q,., and each of them Immediately begins 
 ^o perfect themselves, by practising what they 
 before knew only in theory. 
 
 When they grow old they do not die, but turn 
 into air, and dissolve like smoke! As for their 
 drink they need none ; the only evacuations 
 they have are insensible, and by their breath. 
 They have but one finger upon each hand, with 
 which they perform everything in as perfect a 
 manner as we do who have four besides the 
 thumb. Their heads are placed under their 
 right arm, and when they are going to travel, 
 or about any violent exercise, they generally 
 leave them at home, for they can consult them 
 at any distance; this is a very common practice ;
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA [/SEN. 1 1 9 
 
 and when those of rank or quality among the 
 Lunarians have an inclination to see what's go- 
 ing forward among the common people, they 
 stay at home, t. e., the body stays at home, and 
 sends the head only, which is suffered to be 
 present incog., and return at pleasure with an 
 account of what has passed. 
 
 The stones of their grapes are exactly like 
 hail ; and I am perfectly satisfied that when a 
 storm or high wind in the moon shakes their 
 vines, and breaks the grapes from the stalks, the 
 atones fall down and form our hail showers. I 
 would advise those who are of my opinion to 
 save a quantity of these stones when it hails 
 next, and make Lunarian wine. It is common 
 beverage at St. Luke's. Some material circum- 
 stances I had nearly omitted. They put their 
 bellies to the same use as we do a sack, and 
 throw whatever they have occasion for into it, 
 for they can shut and open it again when they 
 please, as they do their stomachs ; they are not 
 troubled with bowels, liver, heart or any other 
 intestines, neither are they encumbered with 
 clothes, nor is there any part of their bodies 
 unseemly 01 indecent to exhibit.
 
 120 ORIGINAL TRA VELS OF 
 
 Their eyes they can take in and out of their 
 places when they please, and can see as well 
 with them in their hand as in their head ! and if 
 by any accident they lose or damage one, they 
 can borrow or purchase another, and see as 
 clearly with it as their own. Dealers in eyes 
 are on that account very numerous in most 
 parts of the moon, and in this article alone all 
 the inhabitants are whimsical : sometimes green 
 and sometimes yellow eyes are the fashion. I 
 know these things appear strange ; but if the 
 shadow of a doubt can remain on any person's 
 mind, I say, let him take a voyage there him- 
 self, and then he will know I am a traveler of 
 veracity.
 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 The Baron crosses the Thames without the assistance of a 
 bridge, ship, boat, balloon or even his own will : rouses 
 himself after a long nap, and destroys a monster who 
 lived upon the destruction of others. 
 
 Y first visit to England was about the 
 beginning of the present king's reign. 
 I had occasion to go down to Wrap- 
 ping to see some goods shipped, which I was 
 sending to some friends at Hamburgh ; after that 
 business was over, I took the Tower Wharf in 
 my way back. Here I found the sun very power- 
 ful, and I was so much fatigued that I stepped 
 into one of the cannon to compose me, where I 
 fell fast asleep. This was about noon : it was 
 
 the fourth of June ; exactly at one o'clock these 
 
 (121)
 
 1 2 2 BAR ON MUNCH A US EN. 
 
 cannon were all discharged in memory of the 
 day. They had been all charged that morning, 
 and having no suspicion of my situation, I was 
 shot over the houses on the opposite side of the 
 river, into a farmer's yard, between Bermondsey 
 and Deptford, where I fell upon a large hay- 
 stack, without waking, and continued there in 
 a sound sleep till hay became so extravagantly 
 dear (which was about three months after), that 
 the farmer found it his interest to send his whole 
 stock to market : the stack I was reposing upon 
 was the largest in the yard, containing above 
 five hundred loads ; they began to cut that first 
 I woke with the voices of the people who had 
 ascended the ladders to begin at the top, and 
 got up, totally ignorant of my situation : in at- 
 attempting to run away I fell upon the farmer 
 to whom the hay belonged, and broke his neck, 
 yet received no Injury myself. I afterwards 
 found, to my great consolation, that this fellow 
 was a most detestable character, always keeping 
 the produce of his grounds for extravagant 
 markets.
 
 ."^1^:%, 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 The Baron slips through the world ; after paying a visit to 
 Mount Etna he finds himself in the South Sea ; visits 
 Vulcan in his passage ; gets on board a Dutchman ; ar- 
 rives at an island of cheese, surrounded by a sea of milk ; 
 describes some very extraordinary objects — Lose their 
 compass ; their ship slips between the teeth of a fish un- 
 known in rhis part of the world ; their difficulty in escap- 
 ing from thence ; arrive in the Caspian Sea — Starves a 
 bear to death — A few waistcoat anecdotes — In this chap- 
 ter which is the longest, the Baron moralizes upon the 
 virtue of veracity. 
 
 JR. DRYBONES'S Travels to Sicily, 
 which I had read with great pleasure, in- 
 duced me to pay a visit to Mount Etna ; 
 my voyage to this place was not attended with 
 any circumstances worth relating. One morn- 
 ing early, three or four days after my arrival, 
 
 (123)
 
 124 ^AR ON MUmYCHA USEN, 
 
 I set out from a cottage where I had slept, with- 
 in six miles of the foot of the mountain, deter, 
 mined to explore the internal parts, if I perished 
 in the attempt. After three hours' hard labor I 
 found myself at the top ; it was then, and had 
 been for upwards of three weeks, raging : its ap- 
 pearance in this state has been so frequently 
 noticed by different travelers, that I will not tire 
 you with descriptions of objects you are already 
 acquainted with. I walked round the edge of 
 the crater, which appeared to be fifty times at 
 least as capacious as the Devil's Punch-Bowl near 
 Petersfield, on the Portsmouth Road, but not so 
 broad at the bottom, as in that part it resembles 
 the contracted part of a funnel more than a punch- 
 bowl. At last havmg made up my mind, in I 
 sprang feet foremost ; I soon found myself in a 
 warm berth, and my body bruised and burnt in 
 various parts by the red-hot cinders, which by 
 theii violent ascent, opposed my descent: how- 
 ever, my weight soon brought me to the bottom, 
 where I found myself in the midst of noise and 
 clamor, mixed with the most horrid imprecations ; 
 after recovering my senses, and feeling a reduc- 
 tion of my pain, I began to look about me.
 
 BAR OX MUA'CFTA US EN. i ? 5 
 
 Guess, gentlemen, my astonishment, when I 
 found myself in the company of Vulcan and his 
 Cyclops, who had been quarreling, for the three 
 weeks before mentioned, about the observation 
 of good order and due subordination, and which 
 had occasioned such alarms for that space of 
 time in the world above. However, my arrival 
 restored peace to the whole society, and Vulcan 
 himself did me the honor of applying plasters 
 to my wounds, which healed them immediately; 
 he also placed refreshments before me, par- 
 ticularly nectar, and other rich wines, such as 
 the gods and goddesses only aspire to. After 
 this repast was over Vulcan ordered Venus to 
 show me every indulgence which my situation 
 required. To describe the apartment, and the 
 couch on which I reposed, is totally impossible 
 therefore I will not attempt it ; let it suffice to 
 to say, it exceeds the power of language to do 
 it justice, or speak of that kind-hearted goddess 
 in any terms equal to her merit. 
 
 Vulcan gave me a very concise account ol 
 Mount Etna : he said it was nothing more than 
 an accumulation of ashes thrown from his forge ; 
 that he was frequently obliged to chastise his
 
 126 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 people, at whom, in his passion, he made it a 
 practice to throw red-hot coals at home, which 
 they often parried with great dexterity, and then 
 threw them up into the world to place them out 
 of his reach, for they never attempted to assault 
 him in return by throwing them back again. 
 " Our quarrels," added he, last sometimes three 
 or four months, and these appearances of coals 
 or cinders in the world are what I find you 
 mortals call eruptions." Mount Vesuvius, he 
 assured me, was another of his shops, to which 
 he had a passage three hundred and fifty leagues 
 under the bed of the sea, where similar quarrels 
 produced similar eruptions. I should have con- 
 tinued here as an humble attendant upon Madam 
 Venus, but some busy tattlers, who delight in 
 mischief, whispered a tale in Vulcan's ear, which 
 roused in him a fit of jealousy not to be appeased. 
 Without the least previous notice he took me 
 one morning under his arm, as I was waiting 
 upon Venus, agreeable to custom, and carried 
 me to an apartment I had never before seen, in 
 which there was, to all appearance, a well with 
 a wide mouth ; over this he held me at arm's 
 length, and saying, " Uitgrateful mortal^ return
 
 £Ak ON MUNCH A USMN. 1 2 ) 
 
 to the world Jrom whence you camel'' without 
 giving me the least opportunity of reply, dropped 
 me in the centre. I found myself descending 
 with an increasing rapidity, till the horror of my 
 mind deprived me ot all reflection. I suppose 
 I fell into a trance, from which I was suddenly 
 roused by plungmg into a large body of water 
 illuminated by the rays of the sun ! ! 
 
 I could, from my infancy, swim well, and play 
 tricks in the water. I now found myself in para- 
 dise, considering the horrors of mind I had just 
 been released from. After looking about me 
 some time, I could discover nothing but an ex- 
 panse of sea, extending beyond the eye in every 
 direction ; I also found it very cold, a different 
 climate from Master Vulcan's shop. At last I 
 observed at some distance a body of amazing 
 magnitude, like a huge rock, approaching me ; 
 I soon discovered it to be a piece of floating ice ; 
 I swam round it till I found a place where I 
 could ascend to the top, which I did, but not 
 without some difficulty. Still I was out of sight 
 of land, and despair returned with double force ; 
 however, before night came on I saw a sail, 
 which we approached 'very fast ; when it was
 
 £28 ORIGINAL TRAVELS 01^ 
 
 within a very small distance I hailed them in 
 German ; they answered in Dutch. I then flung 
 myself into the sea, and they threw out a rope, 
 by which I was taken on board. I now inquired 
 where we were, and was informed, in the great 
 Southern Ocean ; this opened a discovery which 
 removed all my doubts and difficulties. It was 
 now evident that I had passed from Mount Etna 
 through the centre of the earth to the South 
 Seas : this, gentlemen, was a much shorter cut 
 than going round the w^orld, and which no man 
 has accomplished, or ever attempted, but my- 
 self : however, the next time I perform it I will 
 be much more particular in my observations. 
 
 I took some refreshment, and went to rest. 
 The Dutch are a very rude sort of people ; I re- 
 lated the Etna passage to the officers, exactly 
 as I have done to you, and some of them, partic- 
 ularly the Captain, seemed by his grimace and 
 half-sentences to doubt my veracity; however, 
 as he had kindly taken me on board his vessel, 
 and was then in the very act of administering 
 to rny necessities, I pocketed the aftront. 
 
 I now in my turn began to inquire Vv^here they 
 were bound } To which they answered, they
 
 were in search of new discoveries ; " a7id if,'' 
 said they, '' yotir story is true a new passage is 
 really discovered, and we shall not return disap- 
 pointed!' We were now exactly in Captain 
 Cook's first trrxk, and arrived the ncxtmornin"; 
 in Botany Bay. This place I would by no means 
 recommend to the English government as a re- 
 ceptacle for felons, or place of pu.nishment ; it 
 should rather be the reward of merit, nature 
 having most bountifully bestowed her best gifts 
 upon it. 
 
 We stayed here but three days ; the fourth 
 after our departure a most dreadful storni arose, 
 which in a few hours destroyed all our sails, 
 splintered our bowsprit, and brought down our 
 topmast; it fell directly u}X)n the box that en- 
 closed our compass, v.'hich, with the compass, was 
 broken to pieces. Every one who has been at 
 sea knows the consequences of such a misfor- 
 tune : we now were at a loss where to steer. At 
 length the storm abated, which was followed by 
 a steady, brisk gale, that carried us at least forty 
 knots an hour for six months! [we should sup- 
 pose the Baron has made a little mistake, and 
 substituted months for days'] when we began to
 
 136 OklGWAL TRAVELS OP 
 
 observe an amazing change in everything about 
 us : our spirits became Hght, our noses were re- 
 galed with the most aromatic efHuvia imaginable : 
 the sea had also changed its complexion, and from 
 g»*een became white ! ! Soon after these wonder- 
 ful alterations we saw land, and not at any great 
 distance an inlet, which we sailed up near sixty 
 leagues, and found it wide and deep, flowing with 
 milk of the most delicious taste. Here we landed, 
 and soon found it was an island consisting of one 
 large cheese : we discovered this by one of the 
 company fainting away as soon as we landed : 
 this man always had an aversion to cheese ; when 
 he recovered, he desired the cheese to be taken 
 from under his feet : upon examination we found 
 him perfectly right, for the whole island, as before 
 observed, was nothing but a cheese of immense 
 magnitude ! Uj^on this the inhabitants, who are 
 amazingly numerous, principally sustain them- 
 selves, and it grows every night in proportion as 
 it is consumed in the day. Here seemed to be 
 plenty of vines, with bunches of large grapes, 
 which, upon being pressed, yielded nothing but 
 milk. We saw the inhabitants running races 
 upon the surface of the milk : they were upright,
 
 BAR ON^ MUNCHA USBJST. i^t 
 
 comely figures, nine feet high ; have three Icgs^ 
 and but one arm ; upon the whole, their form 
 was graceful, and when they quarrel, they exer- 
 cise a straight horn, which grows in adults from 
 the centre of their foreheads, with great adroit- 
 ness; they did not sink at all, but ran and 
 walked upon the surface of the milk, as we do 
 upon the bowling-green. 
 
 Upon this island of cheese grows great plenty 
 of corn, the ears of which produce loaves of bread, 
 ready made, of a round form like mushrooms. 
 We discovered, in our rambles over this cheese, 
 seventeen other rivers of milk, and ten of wine. 
 
 After thirty-eight days' journey we arrived on 
 the opposite side to that on which we landed : 
 here we found some blue mould, as cheese-eaters 
 call it, from whence springs all kinds of rich 
 fruit ; instead of breeding mites it produced 
 peaches, nectarines, apricots, and a thousand de- 
 licious fruits which we are not acquainted with. 
 In these trees, which are of an amazing size, 
 were plenty of birds' nests ; amongst others was 
 a king-fisher's of prodigious magnitude ; it was 
 at least twice the circumference of the dome of 
 St. Paul's Church in London. Upon inspection,
 
 132 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 this nest was made of huge trees curiously 
 joined together ; there were, let me see {for 1 
 make it a ride always to speak within compass), 
 there were upwards of five hundred eggs in this 
 nest, and each of them was as large as four com- 
 mon hogsheads, or eight barrels, and we could 
 not only see, but hear the young ones chirping 
 within. Having, with great fatigue, cut open 
 one of these eggs, we let out a young one un- 
 feathered, considerably larger than twenty full 
 grown vultures. Just as we had given this 
 youngster his liberty the old king-fisher lighted, 
 and seizing our captain, who had been active in 
 breaking the egg, in one of her claws, flew with 
 him above a mile high, and then let him drop 
 into the sea, but not till she had beaten all his 
 teeth out of his mouth with her wings. 
 
 Dutchmen generally swim well : he soon joined 
 us, and we retreated to our ship. On our return 
 we took a different route, and observed many 
 strange objects. We shot two wild oxen, each 
 with one horn, also like the inhabitants, except 
 that it sprouted from between the eyes of these 
 animals ; we were afterwards concerned at having 
 destroyed them, as we found, by inquiry, they
 
 £ARON MUNCHAUSEN. 133 
 
 tamed these creatures, and used them as we do 
 horses, to ride upon and draw their carriages ; 
 their flesh, we were informed, is excellent, but 
 useless where people live upon cheese and milk. 
 When we had reached within two days' journey 
 of the ship we observed three men hanging to a 
 tall tree by their heels : upon inquiring the cause 
 of their punishment, I found they had all been 
 travelers, and upon their return home had de- 
 ceived their friends by describing places they 
 never saw, and relating things that never hap 
 pened : this gave me no concern, as I have eve? 
 coiifined myself to facts. 
 
 As soon as we arrived at the ship we un- 
 moored, and set sail from this extraordinary 
 country, w^hen, to our astonishment, all the trees 
 upon shore, of which there were a great number 
 very tall and large, paid their respects to us 
 twice, bowing to exact time, and immediately re- 
 covered their former posture, which was quite 
 erect. 
 
 By what we could learn of this Cheese, it was 
 considerably larger than the continent of all 
 Europe ! 
 
 After sailing three months we knew not where.
 
 134 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 being still without compass, we arrived in a sea 
 which appeared to be almost black ; upon tasting 
 it we found it most excellent wine, and had great 
 difficulty to keep the sailors from getting drunk 
 with it : however, in a few hours we found our- 
 selves surrounded by whales and other animals 
 of an immense magnitude, one of which ap- 
 peared to be too large for the eye to form a judg- 
 ment of ; we did not see him till we were close 
 10 him. This monster drew our ship, with all 
 her masts standing and sails bent, by suction Into 
 his mouth, between his teeth, which were much 
 jarger and taller than the mast of a first-rate 
 man-of-war. After we had been in his mouth 
 some time he opened it pretty wide, took in an 
 immense quantity of water, and floated our ves- 
 sel, which was at least 500 tons burthen, into his 
 stomach ; here we lay as quiet as at anchor in a 
 dead calm. The air, to be sure, was rather 
 warm, and very offensive. We found anchors, 
 cables, boats, and barges In abundance, and a con- 
 siderable number of ships, some laden and some 
 not, which this creature had swallowed. Every- 
 thing was transacted by torch-light; no sun, no 
 moon, no planet, to make observations from. Wo
 
 £AR ON MUNCH A US EN. 1 3 j 
 
 were all generally afloat and aground twice a-day ; 
 whenever he drank, it became high water with 
 us ; and when he evacuated, we found ourselves 
 aground ; upon a moderate computation, he took 
 in more water at a single draught than is gene- 
 rally to be found in the Lake of Geneva, though 
 that is above thirty miles in circumference. On 
 the second day of our confinement in these re- 
 gions of darkness, I ventured at low water, as we 
 called it when the ship was aground, to ramble 
 with the Captain, and a few of the other officers, 
 with lights in our hands ; we met with people of 
 all nations, to the amount of upwards of ten 
 thousand ; they were going to hold a council how 
 to recover their liberty ; some of them having 
 lived in this animal's stomach several years ; 
 there were several children here who had never 
 seen the world, their mothers having lain in re- 
 peatedly in this warm situation. Just as the 
 chairman was going to inform us of the business 
 upon which we were assembled, this plaguy fish, 
 becoming thirsty, drank in his usual manner: 
 the water poured in with such impetuosity, that 
 we were all obliged to retreat to our respective 
 ships immediately, or run the risk of being
 
 136 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 drowned ; some were obliged to swim for it, and 
 with difficulty saved their lives. In a few hours 
 after we were more fortunate : we met again just 
 after the monster had evacuated. I was chosen 
 chairman, and the first thing I did was to propose 
 splicing two main-masts together, and the next 
 time he opened his mouth to be ready to wedge 
 tehm in, so as to prevent his shutting it. It was 
 unanimously approved. One hundred stout men 
 were chosen upon this service. We had scarcely 
 got our masts properly prepared when an oppor- 
 tunity offered : the monster opened his mouth, 
 immediately the top of the mast was placed 
 against the roof, and the other end pierced his 
 tongue, which effectually prevented him from 
 shutting his mouth. As soon as everything in 
 his stomach was afloat, we manned a few boats, 
 who rowed themselves and us into the world, 
 The daylight, after, as near as we could judge, 
 three months' confinement in total darkness, 
 cheered our spirits surprisingly. When we had 
 all taken our leave of this capacious animal, 
 we mustered just a fleet of ninety-five ships, 
 of all nations, who had been in this confined 
 situation. .
 
 UAK OX MUXCIIA USEN. 137 
 
 We left the two masts in his mouth, to pre- 
 vent others beino: confined in the same horrid 
 gulf of darkness and filth. 
 
 Our first object was to learn what part of the 
 world we were in ; this we were for some time 
 at a loss to ascertain ; at last I found from 
 former observations, that we were in the Caspian 
 Seal which washes part of the country of the 
 Calmuck Tartars. How we came here it was 
 impossible to conceive, as this sea has no com- 
 munication with any other. One of the inhabi- 
 tants of the Cheese Island, whom I had brought 
 with me, accounted for it thus : that the monster 
 in whose stomach we had been so long confined 
 had carried us here through some subterrane- 
 ous passage ; however, we pushed to shore and 
 I was the first who landed. Just as I put my 
 foot upon the ground, a large bear leaped upon 
 me with his fore-paws ; I caught one in each 
 hand and squeezed him till he cried out most 
 lustily; however, in this position I held him 
 till I starved him to death. You may laugh, 
 gentlemen, but this was soon accomplished, as 
 I prevented him licking his paws. From 
 hence I traveled up to St. Petersburg a second
 
 138 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OP 
 
 time : here an old friend gave me a most ex- 
 cellent pointer, descended from the famous 
 bitch before mentioned, that littered while she 
 was hunting a har^. I had the misfortune to 
 have him shot soon after, by a blundering sports- 
 man, who fired at him instead of a covey ol 
 partridges which he had just set. Of this crea- 
 ture's skin, I have had this waistcoat made (show- 
 ing his waistcoat), which always leads me invol 
 untarlly to game if I walk in the fields in the 
 proper season, and when I come within shot, 
 one of the butto7is constantly Jlies off and lodges 
 upon the spot where the sport is ; and as the birds 
 rise, being always primed and cocked, I never 
 miss them. Here are now but three buttons left. 
 I shall have a new set sewed on against the 
 shootlnof season commences. 
 
 When a covey of partridges Is disturbed in 
 this manner, by the button falling amongst them, 
 they always rise from the ground in a direct 
 line before each other. I, one day, by forgetting 
 to take my ramrod out of my gun, shot it 
 straight through a leash, as regularly as If the 
 cook had spitted them. I had forgot to put In 
 any shot, and the rod had been made so hot
 
 BAR ON AWNCHA USEN. 139 
 
 «v'ith the powder, that the birds were completely 
 roasted by the tune I reached home. 
 
 Since my arrival in England I have accom. 
 plished what I had very much at heart, viz., pro- 
 viding for the inhabitant of the Cheese Island, 
 whom I had brought with me. My old friend. 
 Sir William Chambers, who is entirely indebted 
 to me for all his ideas of Chinese gardening, by 
 a description of which he has gained such high 
 reputation; Isay,gentlemen,in a discourse which 
 I had with this gentleman, he seemed much 
 distressed for a contrivance to light the lamps at 
 the new buildings, Somerset House ; the common 
 mode with ladders, he observed, was both dirty 
 and inconvenient. ]\Iy native of the Cheese Isl- 
 and popped into my head ; he was only nine 
 feet high when I first brought him from his own 
 country, but was novv' increased to ten and a 
 half: I introduced him to Sir William, and he is 
 appointed to that honorable office. He is also to 
 carry, under a large cloak, a utensil in each coat 
 pocket, instead of those four which Sir William 
 has very properly fixed for private purposes in so 
 conspicuous a situation, the great quadrangle. 
 
 He has also obtained from Mr. Pitt the situ-
 
 I40 BAR ON MUNCHA USEN, 
 
 tion of messenger to his Majesty^s lords of the 
 bed-chamber, whose principal employment will 
 7tow be, divulging the secrets of the Royal 
 household to their ivorthy Patroa
 
 SUPPLEMENT.
 
 SUPPLEMENT. 
 
 Extraordinary flight on the back of an eagle, over France 
 to Gibraltar, South and North America, the Polar 
 Regions and back to England, within six-and-thirty 
 hours. 
 
 ijBOUT the beginning of his present 
 
 Majesty's reign I had some business 
 
 with a distant relation who then Hved 
 
 on the Isle of Thanet ; it was a family dispute, 
 
 and not likely to be finished soon. I made it a 
 
 practice during my residence there, the weather 
 
 being fine, to walk out every morning. After a 
 
 few of these excursions I observed an object upon 
 
 a great eminence about three miles distant : I 
 
 extended my walk to it, and found the ruins of 
 
 an ancient temple : I approached it with admira- 
 
 (143)
 
 144 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 tion and astonishment ; the traces of grandeur and 
 magnificence which yet remained were ev^ident 
 proofs of its former splendor : here I couid not 
 help lamenting the ravages and devastations of 
 time, of which that once noble structure exhibited 
 such a melancholy proof. I walked round it sev- 
 eral times, meditating on the fleeting and transi- 
 tory nature of all terrestrial things ; on the east- 
 ern end were the remains of a lofty tower, near 
 foity feet high, overgrown with ivy, the top ap- 
 parently flat ; I surveyed it on every side very 
 minutely, thinking that if I could gain its summit 
 I should enjoy the most delightful prospect of 
 the circumjacent country. Animated with this 
 hope, I resolved, if possible, to gain the summit, 
 which I at length effected by means of the ivy, 
 though not without great difficulty and danger ; 
 the top I found covered with this evergreen, ex- 
 cept a large chasm in the middle. After I had 
 surveyed with pleasing wonder the beauties of 
 art and nature that conspired to enrich the scene, 
 curiosity prompted me to sound the opening in 
 the middle, in order to ascertain its depth, as I 
 entertained a suspicion that it might probably 
 communicate with some unexplored subterranean
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN. 145 
 
 cavern in the hill ; but having no Hne I was at 
 a loss how toproceed. After revolving the mat- 
 ter in my thoughts for some time, I resolved to 
 drop a stone down and listen to the echo ; having 
 found one that answered my purpose, I placed 
 myself over the hole, wdth one foot on each side, 
 and stooping down to listen, I dropped the stone, 
 which I had no sooner done than I heard a rus- 
 tling below, and suddenly a monstrous eagle put 
 up its head right opposite my face, and rising up 
 with irresistible force, carried me away seated on 
 (ts shoulders : I instantly grasped it around the 
 aeck, which was large enough to fill my arms, 
 and its wings, when extended were ten yards 
 from one extremity to the other. As it rose with 
 a regular ascent, my seat was perfectly easy, and 
 I enjoyed the prospect below with inexpressible 
 pleasure. It hovered over Margate for some time, 
 was seen by several people, and many shots were 
 fired at it : one ball hit the heel of my shoe, but 
 did me no injury. It then directed its course to 
 Dover cliff, where it alighted, and I thought of 
 dismounting, but was prevented by a sudden dis- 
 charge of musketry from a party of marines that 
 were exercising on the beach : the balls flew
 
 146 ORIGINAL 'lie A V ELS OF 
 
 about my head, and rattled on the feathers of the 
 eagle like hail-stoncs, yet I could not perceive it 
 had received any injury. It instantly reascendcd 
 and flew over the sea towards Calais, but so very 
 high that the channel seemed to be no broadc 
 than the Thames at London Bridge. In a quarte* 
 of an hour I found myself over a thick wood in 
 France, where the eagle descended very rapidly, 
 which caused me to slip down to the back part 
 of its head : but alighted on a large tree, and 
 raising its head, I recovered my seat as before, 
 but saw no possibility of disengaging myself witli 
 out the danger of being killed by the fall : so I 
 determined to sit fast, thinking it would carry 
 me to the Alps, or some other high mountain, 
 where I could dismount without any danger. 
 After resting a few minutes it took wing, flew 
 several times round the wood, and screamed loud 
 enough to be heard across the English Channel. 
 In a few minutes one of the same species arose 
 out of the wood, and flew directly towards us : it 
 surveyed me with evident marks of displeasure, 
 and came very near me. After flying several 
 times round, they both directed their course to 
 the south-west I soon observed that the one I
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA USEN. 1 4 7 
 
 rode upon could not keep pace with the other, 
 but inclined towards the earth, on account of my 
 weight ; its companion perceiving this, turned 
 round and placed itself in such a position that 
 the other could rest its head on its rump ; in 
 this manner they proceeded till noon, when 1 
 saw the rock of Gibraltar very distinctly. The 
 day being clear, notwithstanding my degree of 
 elevation, the earth's surface appeared just like 
 a map, where land, sea, lakes, rivers, mountains, 
 and the like were perfectly distinguishable ; and 
 having some knowledge of geography, I was at no 
 loss to determine what part of the globe I was In. 
 Whilst I was contemplating this wonderful 
 prospect a dreadful howling suddenly began all 
 around me, and in a moment I was invested by 
 thousands of small black, deformed, frightfuh 
 looking creatures, who pressed me on all sides 
 in such a manner that I could neither move 
 hand or foot : but I had not been in their pos- 
 session more than ten minutes when I heard 
 the most delightful music that can possibly be 
 imagined, which was suddenly changed into a 
 noise the most awful and tremendous, to which 
 the report of cannon, or the loudest clap oi
 
 148 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 thunder could bear no more proportion than the 
 gentle zephyrs of the evening to the most dreadful 
 hurricane ; but the shortness of its duration pre- 
 vented all those fatal effects which a prolongation 
 of it would certainly have been attended with. 
 
 The music commenced, and I saw a great 
 number of the most beautiful little creatures 
 seize the other party, and throw them with great 
 violence into something like a snuff-box, which 
 they shut down, and one threw it away with in- 
 credible velocity ; then turning to me, he said 
 they whom he had secured were a party of devils* 
 who had wandered from their proper habitation ,* 
 and that the vehicle in which they were enclosed 
 would fly with unabating rapidity for ten thou- 
 sand years, when it would burst of its own ac- 
 cord, and the devils would recover their liberty 
 and faculties, as at the present moment. He 
 had no sooner finished this relation than the 
 music ceased, and they all disappeared, leaving 
 me in a state of mind bordering on the confines 
 of despair. 
 
 When I had recomposed myself a little, and 
 looking before me with inexpressible pleasure, I 
 observed that the eagles were preparing to light
 
 SAJi ON MUNCHA USEM. 1 4^ 
 
 on the peak of Teneriffe : ihey descended to the 
 top of the rock, but seeing no possible means of 
 escape if I dismounted determined me to remain 
 where I was. The eagles sat down seemingly 
 fatigued, when the heat of the sun soon caused 
 them both to fall asleep, nor did I long resist its 
 fascinating power. In the cool of the evening, 
 when the sun had retired below the horizon, I 
 was roused from sleep by the eagle moving under 
 me ; and having stretched myself along its back, 
 I sat up, and reassumed my traveling position, 
 when they both took wing, and having placed 
 themselves as before, directed their course to 
 South America. The moon shining bright dur- 
 ing the whole night, I had a fine view of all the 
 islands in those seas. 
 
 About the break of day we reached the great 
 continent of America, that part called Terra 
 Firma, and descended on the top of a very high 
 mountain. At this time the moon, far distant 
 in the west, and obscured by dark clouds, but 
 just afforded light sufiBcient for me to discover 
 a kind of shrubbery all around, bearing fruit 
 something like cabbages, which the eagles began 
 to feed on very eagerly. 1 endeavored to dis-
 
 t^o ORIGINAL TRAVELS OP 
 
 cover my situation, but fogs and passing 
 clouds involved me in the thickest darkness, 
 and what rendered the scene still more shock- 
 ing was the tremendous howling of wild beasts, 
 some of which appeared to be very near : how- 
 ever, I determined to keep my seat, imagining 
 that the eagle would carry me away if any of 
 them should make a hostile atfempt. When 
 daylight began to appear I thought of examin- 
 ing the fruit which I had seen the eagles eat 
 and as some was hanging which I could easily 
 come at, I took out my knife and cut a slice ; 
 but how great was my surprise to see that it 
 had all the appearance of roast beef regularly 
 mixed, both fat and lean ! I tasted it, and found 
 it well flavored and delicious, then cut several 
 large slices and put in my pocket, where I found 
 a crust of bread which I hadbroufjht from Mar- 
 gate ; took it out, and found three musket-balls 
 that had been lodged in it on Dover cliff. I 
 extracted them, and cutting a few slices more, 
 made a hearty meal of bread and cold beef fruit. 
 I then cut down two of the largest that grew 
 near me, and tying them together with one of 
 my garters, hung them over the eagle's neck for
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA USEN. 15 1 
 
 another occasion, filling my pockets at the same 
 time. While I was settling these affairs I ob- 
 served a large fruit like an inflated bladder, 
 ivhich I wished to try an experiment upon : and 
 striking my knife into one of them, a fine pure 
 liquor like Hollands gin rushed out, which the 
 eagles observing, eagerly drank up from the 
 ground. I cut down the bladder as fast as I 
 could, and saved about half a pint in the bottom 
 of it, which I tasted, and could not distinguish 
 it from the best mountain wine. I drank it all, 
 and found myself greatly refreshed. By this 
 time the eagles began to stagger against the 
 shrubs. I endeavored to keep my seat, but was 
 soon thrown to some distance among the bushes. 
 In attempting to rise I put my hand upon a 
 large hedgehog, which happened to lie among 
 the grass upon its back: It instantly closed 
 round my hand, so that I found it impossible to 
 shake It off. I struck It several times against the 
 ground without effect; but while I was thus 
 employed I heard a rustling among the shrub- 
 bery, and looking up, I saw a huge animal 
 within three yards of me ; I could make no 
 defence, but held out both my hands, when it
 
 IS2 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 rushed upon me, and seized that on which the 
 hedgehog was fixed. My hand being soon 
 relieved, I ran to some distance, where I saw 
 the creature suddenly drop down and expire 
 with the hedgehog in its throat. When the 
 danger was passed I went to view the eagles, and 
 found them lying on the grass fast asleep, being 
 intoxicated with the liquor they had drank. In- 
 deed, I found myself considerably elevated by it, 
 and seeing everything qniet, I began to search 
 for some more, which I soon found ; and having 
 cut down two large bladders, about a gallon each. 
 I tied them together, and hung them over the 
 neck of the other eagle, and the two smaller ones 
 I tied with a cord round my own waist. Having 
 secured a good stock of provisions, and perceiv- 
 ing the eagles begin to recover, I again took my 
 seat. In half an hour they arose majestically 
 from that place, without taking the least notice 
 of their encumbrance. Each reassumed its former 
 station ; and directing their course to the north- 
 ward, they crossed the Gulf of Mexico, entered 
 North America, and steered directly for the Polar 
 regions, which gave rne the finest opportunity of
 
 BAR ON MUNCIIA USEN. 153 
 
 viewing this vast continent that can possibly be 
 imagined. 
 
 Before we entered the frigid zone the cold be- 
 gan to affect me ; but piercing one of my blad- 
 ders, I took a draught, and found that it could 
 make no impression on me afterwards. Passing 
 over Hudson's Bay, I saw several of the com- 
 pany's ships lying at anchor, and many tribes of 
 Indians marching with their furs to market. 
 
 By this time I was so reconciled to my seat, 
 and become such an expert rider, that I could 
 sit up and look around me ; but in general I lay 
 along the eagle's neckj grasping It in my arms, 
 with my hands immersed in its feathers, in order 
 to keep them warm. 
 
 In these cold climates 1 observed that the 
 eagles flew with greater rapidity, in order, I sup- 
 pose to keep their blood in circulation. In pass- 
 ing Baffin's Bay I saw several large Greenland- 
 men to the eastward, and many surprising moun- 
 tains of ice in those seas. 
 
 While I was surveying these wonders of nature 
 it occurred to me that this was a good oppor- 
 tunity to discover the north-west passage, if any 
 such thing existed, and not only obtain the re-
 
 XS4 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 ward offered by government, but the honor of a 
 discovery pregnant with so many advantages to 
 every European nation. But while my thoughts 
 were absorbed in this pleasing reverie I was 
 alarmed by the first eagle striking its head 
 against a solid transparent substance, and in a 
 moment that which 1 rode experienced the same 
 fate, and both fell down seemingly dead. 
 
 Here our lives must inevitably have termi- 
 nated, had not a sense of danger and the singu- 
 larity of my situation, inspired me with a degree 
 of skill and dexterity which enabled us to faU 
 near two miles perpendicular with as little in. 
 conveniency as if we had been let down with a 
 rope ; for no sooner did I perceive the eagles strike 
 against a frozen cloud, which is very common 
 near the poles, than (they being close together} 
 I laid myself along the pack of the foremost 
 and took hold of its wings to keep them extend- 
 ed, at the same time stretching out my legs be- 
 hind to support the wings of the other. This 
 had the desired effect, and we descended very 
 safe on a mountain of ice, which I supposed to 
 be about three miles above the level of the sea. 
 
 I dismounted, unloaded the eagles, opened one
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA USEN. 1 5 j 
 
 of the bladders and administered some of the 
 liquor to each of them, without once considering 
 that the horrors destruction seemed to have 
 conspired against me. The roaring of waves, 
 crashing of ice and the howling of bears, con- 
 spired to form a scene the most awful and tre- 
 mendous; but, notwithstanding this, my concern 
 for the recovery of the eagles was so great, that 
 I was insensible of the danger to which I was 
 exposed. Having rendered them every assist- 
 ance in my power, I stood over them in painful 
 anxiety, fully sensible that it was only by means 
 of them that I could possibly be delivered from 
 those abodes of despair. 
 
 But suddenly a monstrous bear began to roar 
 behind me, with a voice like thunder. I turned 
 round, and seeing the creature just ready to de- 
 vour me, having the bladder of liquor in my 
 hands, through fear I squeezed it so hard, that 
 it burst, and the liquor flying in the eyes of the 
 animal, totally deprived it of sight. It instantly 
 turned from me, ran away in a state of distrac- 
 tion and soon fell over a precipice of ice into 
 the sea, where I saw it no more. 
 
 The danger being over, I again turned my
 
 156 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 attention to the eagles, whom I found in a fair 
 way of recovery, and suspecting that they were 
 faint for want of victuals, I took one of the beef 
 fruit, cut it into small slices and presented them 
 with it, which they devoured with avidity. 
 
 Having given them plenty to eat and drink, 
 and disposed of the remainder of my provision, 
 I took possession of my seat as before. After 
 composing m3^self, and adjusting everything in 
 the best manner, I began to eat and drink very 
 heartily ; and through the effects of the moun- 
 tain, as I called it, was very cheerful, and began 
 to sins a few verses of a sonc: which I had 
 learned when I was a boy: but the noise soon 
 alarmed the eagles, who had been asleep, through 
 the quantity of liquor which they had drank, 
 and they arose seemingly much terrified. Hap- 
 pily for me, however, when I was feeding them 1 
 had accidentally turned their heads towards the 
 south-east, which course they pursued with a 
 rapid motion. In a few hours I saw the Western 
 Isles, and soon after had the inexpressible 
 pleasure of seeing Old England. I took no 
 notice of the seas or islands over which I passed. 
 
 The eagles descended gradually as they drew
 
 BAR OX .UUXCHA USEN. 153 
 
 near the shore, intending as I supposed, to alight 
 on one of the Welsh mountains ; but when they 
 came to the distance of about sixty 3'ards two 
 guns were fired at them, loaded with balls, one 
 of which penetrated a bladder of liquor that 
 hung to my waist ; the other entered the breast 
 of the foremost eagle, who fell to the ground, 
 while that which I rode, having received no in- 
 "ury, flew away with amazing swiftness. 
 
 This circumstances alarmed me exceedingly, 
 and I began to think it was impossible for me to 
 escape with my life ; but recovering a little, I 
 once more looked down upon the earth, when, to 
 my inexpressible joy, I saw Margate at a little 
 distance, and the eagle descending on the old 
 tower whence it had carried me on the morning 
 of the day before. It no sooner came down than 
 I threw myself off, happy to find that I was once 
 more restored to the world. The eagle flew 
 away in a few minutes, and I sat down to com- 
 pose my fluttering spirits, which I did in a few 
 hours. 
 
 I soon paid a visit to my friends, and related 
 these adventures. Amazement stood in every 
 countenance ; their congratulations on my re*
 
 158 BARON MUNCHAUSEN. 
 
 turning in safety were repeated with an un- 
 affected degree of pleasure, and we passed the 
 evening as we are doing now, every person 
 present paying the highest compliments to my 
 COURAGE and veracity.
 
 VOLUME II.
 
 PREFACE 
 
 TO THE SECOx\D VOLUMK 
 
 ARON MUNCHAUSEN has cer 
 
 tainly been productive of much benefit 
 to the Hterary world ; the numbers of 
 egregious travelers have been such, that they 
 demanded a very Gulliver to surpass them. If 
 Baron de Tott dauntlessly discharged an enor- 
 mous piece of artillery, the Baron Munchausen 
 had done more ; he has taken it and sv/am with 
 it across the sea. When travelers are solicitous 
 to be the heroes of their own story, surely they 
 
 must admit to superiority, and blush at seeing 
 
 (161)
 
 1 62 JBAR ON MUNCH A USEN. 
 
 themselves outdone by the renowned Munchau- 
 sen : I doubt whether any one hitherto, Panta- 
 gruel, Gargantua, Captain Lemuel, or De Tott, 
 has been able to outdo our Baron In this species 
 of excellence : and as at present our curiosity 
 seems much directed to the Interior of Africa, 
 it must be edifying to have the real relation of 
 Munchausen's adventures there before any fur- 
 ther intelligence arrives ; for he seems to adapt 
 himself and his exploits to the spirit of the 
 times, and recounts what he thinks should be 
 most interesting to his auditors. 
 
 I do not say that the Baron, in the following 
 stories, means a satire on any political matters 
 whatever. No ; but if the reader understands 
 them so, I cannot help it. 
 
 If the Baron meets with a parcel of negro 
 ships carrying whites into slavery to work upon 
 their plantations in a cold climate, should we 
 therefore imagine that he Intends a reflection on 
 the present traffic in human flesh .? And that, 
 if the negroes should do so, It would be simple 
 justice, as retaliation is the law of God ! If we 
 were to think this a reflection on any present 
 commercial or political matter, we should be
 
 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OP 163 
 
 tempted to imagine, perhaps, some political ideas 
 conveyed in every page, in every sentence of the 
 whole. Whether such things are or are not the 
 intentions of the Baron the reader must judge. 
 
 We have had not only wonderful travelers in 
 this vile world, but splenetic travelers, and of 
 these not a few, and also conspicuous enough. 
 It is a pity, therefore, that the Baron has not 
 endeavored to surpass them also in this species 
 of story-telling. Who is it can read the travels 
 of Smellfungus, as Sterne calls him, without ad- 
 miration } To think that a person from the 
 North of Scotland should travel through someot 
 the finest countries in Europe, and find fault with 
 everything he meets — nothing to please him 1 
 And therefore, methinks, the Tour to the Heb- 
 rides is more excusable, and also perhaps Mr. 
 Twiss's Tour in Ireland. Dr. Johnson, bred in 
 the luxuriance of London, with more reason 
 should become cross and splenetic in the bleak 
 and dreary regions of the Hebrides. 
 
 The Baron, in the following work, seems to be 
 sometimes philosophical ; his account of the lan- 
 guage of the interior of Africa, and its analogy 
 with that of the inhabitants of the Moon, show
 
 164 BAR ON MUNCHA USEN, 
 
 him to be profoundly versed in the etymological 
 antiquities of nations, and throw new light upon 
 the abstruse history of the ancient Scythians^ 
 and the Collectanea. 
 
 His endeavor to abolish the custom of eating 
 live flesh in the interior of Africa, as described in 
 Bruce's Travels, is truly humane. But far be it 
 from me to suppose, that by Gog and Magog 
 and the Lord Mayor's show he means a satire 
 upon any person or body of persons whatever : 
 or by a tedious litigated trial of blind judges 
 and dumb matrons following a wild-goose chase 
 all round the world, he should glance at any 
 trial whatever. 
 
 Nevertheless, I must allow that it was ex- 
 tremely presumptuous in Munchausen to tell 
 half the sovereigns of the world that they were 
 wrong, and advise them what they ought to do ; 
 and that instead of ordering millions of their sub- 
 jects to massacre one another, it would be more 
 to their interest to employ their forces in concert 
 for the general good ; as if he knew better than 
 the Empress of Russia, the Grand Vizier, Prince 
 Potemkin, or any other butcher in the world 
 But that he should be a royal Aristocrat, and
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA USEN. 1 65 
 
 take the part of the injured Queen of France in 
 the present political drama, I am not at all sun 
 prised; but I suppose his mind was fired bj 
 reading the pamphlet written by Mr. Burke-
 
 THE SECOND VOLUME. 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 The Baron insists on the veracity of his former Memoirs- 
 Forms a design of making discoveries in the interior 
 parts of Africa — His discourse with Hilaro Frosticos 
 about it — His conversation with Lady Fragrantia — The 
 Baron goes, with other persons of distinction, to Court j 
 relates an anecdote of the Marquis de Bellecourt. 
 
 L L that I have related before, said the 
 
 Baron, is gospel ; and if there be any 
 
 one so hardy as to deny it, I am ready 
 
 to fight him with any weapon he pleases. Yes, 
 
 cried he, in a more elevated tone, as he started 
 
 from his seat, I will condemn him to swallow 
 
 (167)
 
 t6S CRIGrXAL TRA VELS OF 
 
 this decanter, glass and all, perhaps, and filled 
 with kerren-wasser [a kind of ardent spirit dis- 
 tilled from cherries, and much used in some 
 parts of Germany]. Therefore, my dear friends 
 and companions, have confidence in what I say, 
 and pay honor to the tales of Munchausen. A 
 traveler has a right to relate and embellish his 
 adventures as he pleases, and it is very unpolite 
 to refuse that deference and applause they de- 
 serve. 
 
 Having passed some time in England since the 
 completion of my former memories, I at length 
 began to revolve in my mind what a prodigious 
 field of discovery must be in the interior part of 
 Africa. I could not sleep with the thoughts of 
 it; I therefore determined to gain every proper 
 assistance from Government to penetrate the 
 celebrated source of the Nile and assume the 
 viceroyship of the interior kingdoms of Africa, 
 )r, at least, the great realm of Monomotapa. 
 .It was happy for me that I had one most power- 
 ful friend at court, whom I shall call the illus- 
 trious Hilaro Frosticos. You perchance know 
 him not by that name ; but we had a language 
 among ourselves, as well we may, for in the
 
 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 169 
 
 course of my peregrinations I have acquired pre- 
 cisely nine hundred and ninety-nine leash of 
 languages. What ! gentlemen, do you stare ? 
 Well, I allow there arc not so many languages 
 spoken in this vile world ; but then, have I not 
 been in the Moon ? And, trust me, whenever I 
 write a treatise upon education, I shall delineate 
 methods of inculcating whole dozens of languages 
 at once, F"rench, Spanish, Greek, Hebrew, Chero- 
 kee, etc., in such a style as will shame all the 
 pedagogues existing. 
 
 Having passed a whole night without being 
 able to sleep for the vivid imagination of African 
 discoveries, I hastened to the levee of my illus 
 trious friend, Hilaro Frosticos, and having men- 
 tioned my intention with all the vigor of fancy- 
 he gravely considered my words, and, after some 
 awful meditations, thus he spoke : Olough, ma 
 genesat^ istum fullanahy cufn dera kargos belga- 
 rasah eseum balgo bartigos triangulissinius ! 
 However, added he, it behooveth thee to consider 
 and ponder well upon the perils and the multi- 
 tudinous dangers in all the way of that wight 
 who thus advanccth in all the perambulation of 
 adventures: and verily, most valiant sire and
 
 I70 £AIi ON MUNCHA USEN, 
 
 Baron, I hope thou wilt demean thyself with all 
 that laudable gravity and precaution which, as is 
 related in the three hundred and forty-seventh 
 chapter of the Prophilactics, Is of more considera- 
 tion than all the merit in this terraqueous globe. 
 Yes, most truly do I advise thee unto thy good, 
 and speak unto thee, most valiant Munchausen, 
 with the greatest esteem, and wish thee to suc- 
 ceed in thy voyage : for it is said, that in the in- 
 terior realms of Africa there are tribes that can 
 see but just three inches and a half beyond the ex- 
 tremity of their noses ; and verily thou shouldest 
 moderate thyself, even sure and slow; they 
 stumble who walk fast. But we shall bring you 
 unto the Lady Fragrantia, and have her opinion 
 of the matter. He then took from his pocket a 
 cap of dignity, such as described in the most 
 honorable and antique heraldry, and placing it 
 upon my head, addressed me thus : " As thou 
 seemest again to revive the spirit of ancient ad- 
 venture, permit me to place upon thy head this 
 favor, as a mark of the esteem in which I hold 
 thy valorous disposition." 
 
 The Lady Fragrantia, my dear friends, was 
 one of the most divine creatures in all Great
 
 BAR ON M UNCI! A USEN 1 7 1 
 
 Britain, and was desperately in love with me. 
 She was drawing my portrait upon a piece of 
 white satin, when the most noble Hilaro Frosti- 
 cos advanced. He pointed to the cap of dignity 
 which he had placed upon my head. " I do de- 
 clare, Hilaro," said the lovely Fragrantia, " 'tis 
 pretty, 'tis interesting; I love you, and I like you, 
 my dear Baron," said she, putting on another 
 plume : " this gives it an air more delicate and 
 more fantastical. I do thus, my dear Munchausen, 
 as your friend, yet you can reject or accept my 
 present just as you please; but I like the fancy, 
 'tis a good one and I mean to improve it : and 
 against whatever enemies you go, I shall have 
 the sweet satisfaction to remember you bear my 
 favor on your head ! " 
 
 I snatched it with trepidation, and gracefully 
 dropping on my knees, I three times kissed it 
 with all the rapture of romantic love. " I swear," 
 cried I, " by thy bright eyes, and by the lovely 
 whiteness of thine arm, that no savage, tyrant, 
 or enemy upon the face of the earth shall despoil 
 me of this favor, while one drop of the blood of 
 the Munchausens doth circulate in my veins 1 I 
 will bear it triumphant through the realms of
 
 lyt ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 Africa, whither I now intend my course, and 
 make it respected, even in the court of Prester 
 John." 
 
 " I admire your spirit," replied she, and sliall 
 use my utmost interest at court to have you 
 despatched with every pomp, and as soon as 
 possible ; but here comes a most brilliant com- 
 pany indeed : Lady Carolina Wilhelmina Amelia 
 Skeggs, Lord Spigot and Lady Faucet and the 
 Countess of Belleair." 
 
 After the ceremonies of introduction to this 
 company were over, we proceeded to consult 
 upon the business ; and the cause met with 
 general applause, it was immediately determined 
 that I should proceed without delay, as soon as 
 I obtained the sovereign approbation. " I am 
 convinced," said Lord Spigot, " that if there be 
 anything really unknown and worthy of our 
 most ardent curiosity, it must be in the immense 
 regions of Africa; that country which seems to 
 be the oldest on the globe, and yet with the 
 greater part of which we are almost utterly un- 
 acquainted ; what prodigious wealth of gold and 
 diamonds must not lie concealed in those torrid 
 regions when the very rivers on the coast pour
 
 BAJ^ ON MUNCRA US EN. 1 7 3 
 
 forth continual specimens of golden sand I 'Tis 
 my opinion, therefore, that the Baron deserves 
 the applause of all Europe for his spirit, and 
 merits the most powerful assistance of the 
 sovereign." 
 
 So flattering an approbation, you may be sure, 
 was delightful to my heart, and with every con. 
 fidence and joy I suffered them to take me to 
 court that instant. After the usual ceremonies 
 of introduction, suffice it to say that I met with 
 every honor and applause that my most san- 
 guine expectations could demand. I had always 
 a taste for the fashionable yV ne sais quoi of the 
 most elegant society, and in the presence of all 
 the sovereigns of Europe I ever found myself 
 quite at home, and experienced from the whole 
 court the most flattering esteem and admiration. 
 I remember, one particular day, the fate of 
 the unfortunate Marquis dc Bellecourt. The 
 Countess of Rassinda, who accompanied him, 
 looked most divinely. " Yes, I am confident," 
 said the Marquis de Bellecourt to me," that I 
 have acted according to the strictest sentiments 
 of justice and of loyalty to my sovereign. What 
 stronger breast-plate than a heart untainted ?
 
 174 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 and though I did not receive a word nor a look, 
 yet I cannot think — no, it were impossible to be 
 misrepresented. Conscious of my own integrity, 
 I will try again — I will go boldly up." The 
 Marquis de Bellecourt saw the opportunity ; he 
 advanced three paces, put his hand upon his 
 breast and bowed. " Permit me," said he, " with 
 the most profound respect to — — " His tongue 
 faltered — he could scarcely believe his sight, for 
 at that moment the whole company were moving 
 one of the room. He found himself almost alone, 
 deserted by every one. " What 1 " said he, " and 
 did he turn upon his heel with the most marked 
 contempt ? Would he not speak to me ? Would 
 he not even hear me utter a word in my de- 
 lence ? " His heart died within him — not even 
 a look, a smile from any one. " My friends ! 
 Do they not know me ? Do they not see me .^ 
 Alas I they fear to catch the contagion of my 
 
 . Then," said he, " adieu ! — 'tis more 
 
 than I can bear. I shall go to my country seat, 
 and never, never will return. Adieu, fond 
 court, adieu — " 
 
 The venerable Marquis de Bellecourt stopped 
 for a moment ere he entered his carriage. Thrice
 
 BARON MUNCHA USEN. 1^5 
 
 he looked back, and thrice he wiped the starting 
 
 tear from his eye. *' Yes," said he, " for once, at 
 
 least, truth shall be found — in the bottom of a 
 well 1 " 
 
 Peace to thy ghost, most noble marquis \ a 
 King of kings shall pity thee ; and thousands 
 who are yet unborn shall owe their happiness to 
 thee, and have cause to bless the thousands, per- 
 haps, that shall never even know thy name ; but 
 Munchausen's self shall celebrate thy glory !
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 PreparatiOi/s W the Baron's expedition into Africa — De- 
 scription of his chariot ; the beauties of its interior deco- 
 rations ; the animals that drew it, and the mechanism oJ 
 the wheels. 
 
 VERYTHING being concluded, and 
 having received my instructions for 
 the voyage, I was conducted by the 
 illustrious Hilaro Frosticos, the Lady Fragran- 
 tia and a prodigious crowd of nobility, and placed 
 sitting upon the summit of the whale's bones at 
 the palace ; and having remained in this situa- 
 tion for three days and three nights as a trial 
 ordeal and a specimen of my perseverance and 
 resolution, the third hour after midnight they 
 seated me in the chariot of Queen Mab. It was 
 of a prodigious dimension, large enough to con- 
 tain more stowage than the tun of Heidelberg. 
 (176)
 
 3AR ON Ml/NCHA USEN, i 7 7 
 
 and globular, like a hazel-nut: in fact, it seemed 
 to be really a hazel-nut grown to a most extrav- 
 agant dimension, and that a great worm of pro- 
 portionate enormity had bored a hole in the 
 shell. Through this same entrance I was ushen 
 ed. It was as large as a coach-door and I took 
 my seat in the centre, a kind of chair self-bal- 
 anced without touching anything, like the fancied 
 tomb of Mahomet. The whole interior surface 
 of the nutshell appeared a luminous representa- 
 tion of all the stars of heaven, the fixed stars, 
 the planets and a comet. The stars were as 
 large as those worn by our first nobility, and the 
 comet, excessively brilliant, seemed as if you 
 had assembled all the eyes of the beautiful girls 
 in the kingdom, and combined them, like a pea- 
 cock's plumage, into the form of a comet — that 
 is, a globe and a bearded tail to it, diminishing 
 gradually to a point. This beautiful constella- 
 tion seemed very sportive and delightful. It 
 was much in the form of a tadpole ! and, without 
 ceasing, went, full of playful giddiness, up and 
 down all over the heaven on the concave sur- 
 face of the nutshell. One time it would be at 
 that part of the heavens under my feet and in
 
 lyi ORIGINAL TRAVELS OP 
 
 the next minute would be over my head. It waa 
 never at rest, but forever going east, west, north 
 or south, and paid no more respect to the differ- 
 ent worlds than if they were so many lanterns 
 without reflectors. Some of them he would 
 dash against and push out of their places; 
 others he would burn up and consume to ashes; 
 and others again he would split Into fritters, and 
 their fragments would instantly take a globular 
 form, like spilled quicksilver, and become sat- 
 ellites to whatever other worlds they should 
 happen to meet with In their career. In short 
 the whole seemed an epitome of the creation, 
 past, present and future; and all that passes 
 among the stars during one thousand years was 
 here generally performed In as many seconds. 
 
 I surveyed all the beauties of the chariot wltli 
 wonder and delight. " Certainly," cried I, " this 
 is heaven In miniature I " In short, I took J he 
 reins In my hand. But before I proceed on my 
 adventures, I shall mention the rest of my 
 attendant furniture. The chariot was drawn by 
 a team of nine bulls harnessed to It, three after 
 three. In the first rank was a most tremendous 
 bull named John Mowmowsky ; the rest wcru
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA US EN. 1 7 9 
 
 called Jacks in general, but not dignified by any 
 particular denomination. They were all shod 
 for the journey, not indeed like horses, with iron, 
 or as bullocks commonly arc, to drag on a cart ; 
 but were shod with men's skulls. Each of their 
 feet was, hoof and all, crammed into a man's 
 head, cut off for the purpose, and fastened 
 therein with a kind of cement or paste, so that 
 the skull seemed to be a part of the foot and 
 hoof of the animal. With these skull-shoes the 
 creatures could perform astonishing journeys, 
 and slide upon the water, or upon the ocean, 
 with great velocity. The harnesses were fast 
 ened with golden buckles, and decked with studs 
 in a superb style, and the creatures were ridden 
 by nine postilions, crickets of a great size, as 
 large as monkeys, who sat squat upon the heads 
 of the bulls, and were continually chirping at a 
 most infernal rate, loud in proportion to their 
 bodies. 
 
 The wheels of the chariot consisted of upwards 
 of ten thousand springs, formed so as to give the 
 greater impetuosity to the vehicle, and were 
 more complex than a dozen clocks like that of 
 Strasburg. The external of the chariot was
 
 1 So BAR ON MUNCHA USEI^. 
 
 adorned with banners, and a superb festoon oi 
 laurel that formerly shaded me on horseback. 
 And now, having given you a very concise 
 description of my machine for traveling into 
 Africa, which you must allow to be far superior 
 to the apparatus of Monsieur Vaillant, I shall 
 proceed to relate the exploits of my voyage
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 The Baron proceeds on his voyage — Convoys a squadron 
 to Gibraltar — Declines the acceptance of the Island of 
 Candia — His chariot damaged by Pompey's Pillar and 
 Cleopatra's needle — The Baron out-does Alexander — 
 Breaks his chariot, and splits a great rock at the Cape 
 of Good Hope. 
 
 [AKING the reins in my hand, while the 
 
 music gave a general salute, I cracked 
 
 my whip, away they went, and in three 
 
 hours I found myself just between the Isle of 
 
 Wight and the main land of England. Here 
 
 I remained four days, until I had received part 
 
 of my accompaniment, which I was ordered to 
 
 take under my convoy. 'Twas a squadron of 
 
 men-of-war that had been a long time prepared 
 
 (181)
 
 i82 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 for the Baltic, but which were now destined for 
 the Mediterranean. Bv the assistance of large 
 hooks and eyes, exactly such as are worn in our 
 hats, but of a greater size, some hundredweight 
 each, the men-of-war hooked themselves on to 
 the wheels of the vehicle : and, in fact, nothing 
 could be more simple or convenient, because they 
 could be hooked or unhooked in an instant with 
 the utmost facility. In short, having giving a 
 general discharge of their artillery, and three 
 cheers, I cracked my whip, away we went, bel- 
 ter skelter, and in six jiffies I found myself and 
 All my retinue safe and in good spirits just at the 
 rock of Gibraltar, Here I unhooked my squad- 
 ron, and having taken an affectionate leave of 
 the officers, I suffered them to proceed in their 
 ordinary m.anner to the place of their destination. 
 The whole garrison were highly delighted with 
 the novelty of my vehicle : and at the pressing 
 solicitations of the governor and officers I went 
 ashore, and rook a view of that barren old rock, 
 about which more powder has been fired away 
 than would purchase twice as much fertile ground 
 in any part of the world ! Mounting my chariot, 
 I took the reins, and again made forward, in mad
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN. 1 83 
 
 career, down the Mediterranean to the isle of 
 Candia. Here I received despatches from the 
 SubHme Porte, entreating me to assist in the war 
 against Russia, with a reward of the whole island 
 of Candia for my alliance. At first I hesitatedj 
 thinking that the island of Candia would be a 
 most valuable acquisition to the sovereign wlio 
 at that time employed me, and that the most de- 
 licious wines, sugar, &c., in abundance would 
 flourish on the island ; yet, when I considered 
 the trade of the East India Company, which 
 tvould most probably suffer by the intercourse 
 with Persia through the Mediterranean, I at once 
 rejected the proposal, and had afterwards the 
 thanks of the Honorable the House of Commons 
 for my propriety and political discernment. 
 
 Having been properly refreshed at Candia, I 
 again proceeded, and in a short time arrived in 
 the land of Egypt. The land of this country, 
 at least that part of it near the sea, is very low, 
 so that I came upon it ere I was aware, and the 
 pillar of Pompey got entangled in the various 
 wheels of the machine, and damaged the whole 
 considerably. Still I drove on through thick and 
 thin, till, passing over that great obelisk, the
 
 iS4 ORIGINAL TRAl'IiL:^ OF 
 
 Needle of Cleopatra, the work got entangled 
 again, and jolted at a miserable rate over the 
 mud and swampy ground of all that country ; 
 yet my poor bulls trotted on with astonishing 
 labor across the Isthmus of Suez into the Red 
 Sea, and left a track, an obscure channel, which 
 has since been taken by De Tott for the remains 
 of a canal cut by some of the Ptolemies from the 
 Red Sea to the Mediterranean ; but, as you per- 
 ceive, was in reality no more than the track of 
 my chariot, the car of Queen Mab. 
 
 As the artists at present in that country are 
 nothing wonderful, though the ancient Egyptians, 
 'tis said, were most astonishing fellows, I could 
 not procure any new coach-springs, or have a 
 possibility of setting my machine to rights in the 
 kingdom of Egypt ; and as I could not presume 
 to attempt another journey overland, and the 
 great mountains of marble beyond the source of 
 the Nile, I thought it most eligible to make the 
 best way I could, by sea, to the Cape of Good 
 Hope, where I supposed I should get some Dutch 
 smiths and carpenters, or perhaps some English 
 artists ; and my vehicle being properly repaired, 
 it was my intention thence to proceed, overland.
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN, 185 
 
 through the heart of Africa. The surface of the 
 water, I well knew, afforded less resistance to 
 the wheels of the machine — It passed along the 
 waves like the chariot of Neptune ; and, In short, 
 having gotten upon the Red Sea, we scudded 
 away to admiration through the pass of Bab el 
 Mandeb to the great Western coast of Africa, 
 where Alexander had not the courage to venture. 
 And really, my friends, if Alexander ha 1 ven. 
 tured towards the Cape of Good Hope he most 
 probably would have never returned. It is dif- 
 ficult to determine whether there were thr.n any 
 Inhabitants in the more southern parts of Africa 
 or not ; yet, at any rate, this conqueror of the 
 world would have made but a nonsensical adven- 
 ture ; his miserable ships, not contrived for a 
 long voyage, would have become leaky, and 
 foundered, before he could have doubled the 
 Cape, and left his Majesty fairly beyond the llm- 
 its of the then known world. Yet it would have 
 been an august exit for an Alexander, after hav- 
 ing subdued Persia and India, to be wandering, 
 the Lord knows where, to J up or Ammon, per- 
 haps, or on a voyage to the Moon, as an Indian 
 chief once said to Captain Cook.
 
 i86 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 But, for my part, I was far more successful 
 than Alexander ; I drove on with the most amaz- 
 ing rapidity, and thinking to halt on shore at 
 the Cape, I unfortunately drove too close, and 
 shattered the right side wheels of my vehicle 
 against the rock, now called the Table Moun- 
 tain. The machine went against it with such 
 impetuosity as completely shivered the rock in a 
 horizontal direction ; so that the summit of the 
 mountain, in the form of a semisphere, was 
 knocked into the sea, and the steep mountain 
 becoming thereby flattened at the top, has since 
 received the name of the Table Mountain, froir 
 its similarity to that piece of furniture. 
 
 Just as this part of the mountain was knocked 
 off, the ghost of the Cape, that tremendous sprite 
 which cuts such a figure In the Lusiad, was dis- 
 covered sitting squat in an excavation formed 
 for him in the centre of the mountain. He 
 seemed just like a young bee in his little cell be- 
 fore he comes forth, or like a bean in a bean- 
 pod : and when the upper part of the mountain 
 was split across and knocked off, the superior half 
 of his person was discovered. He appeared of a 
 bottleblue color, and started, dazzled with the
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN. 1 8 7 
 
 unexpected glare of the light ; hearing the dread- 
 ful rattle of the wheels, and the loud chirping 
 of the crickets, he was thunder-struck, and in- 
 stantly giving a shriek, sunk down ten thousand 
 fathoms into the earth, while the mountain, 
 vomiting out some smoke, silently closed up, 
 and left not a trace behind I
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 The Baron secures his chariot, &c., at the Cape and takes 
 his passage for England in a homeward-bound Indiaman 
 — Wrecked upon an island of ice, near the coast of 
 Guinea — Escapes from the wreck, and rears a variety of 
 vegetables upon the island — Meets some vessels belong- 
 ing to the negroes bringing white slaves from Europe, in 
 retaliation, to work upon their plantations in a cold cli- 
 mate near the South Pole — Arrives in England and lays 
 an account of his expedition before the Privy Council- 
 Great preparations for a new expedition — The Sphinx, 
 Gog and Magog, and a great company attend him — The 
 ideas of Elilaro Frosticos respecting the interior parts cf 
 Africa. 
 
 PERCEIVED with <3:rief and conster- 
 nation the miscarriage of all my 
 apparatus ; yet I was not absolutely 
 dejected ; a great mind is never known but in 
 adversity. With permission of the Dutch gov- 
 ernor the chariot Vv^as properly laid up in a great 
 (188)
 
 storehouse, erected at the water's cd^e, and the 
 bulls received every refreshment possible after 
 so terrible a voyage. Well, you may be sure 
 they deserved it, and therefore every attendance 
 was engaged for them, until I should return. 
 
 As it was not possible to do anything more I 
 took my passage in a homeward-bound India- 
 man, to return to London, and lay the matter 
 before the Privy Council. 
 
 We met with nothing particular until we ar- 
 rived upon the coast of Guinea, where, to our 
 ytter astonishment, we perceived a great hill, 
 seemingly of glass, advancing against us in the 
 open sea ; the rays of the sun were reflected 
 upon it with such splendor that it was extremely 
 difficult to gaze at the phenomenon. I imme- 
 diately knew it to be an island of ice, and though 
 in so very warm a latitude, determined to make 
 all possible sail from such horrible danger. We 
 did so, but all in vain, for about eleven o'clock 
 at night, blowing a very hard gale, and exceed- 
 ingly dark, we struck upon the island. Nothing 
 could equal the distraction, the shrieks and de- 
 spair of the whole crew, until I, knowing there 
 was not a moment to be lost, cheered up their
 
 190 ORIGIIVAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 spirits, and bade them not despond, but do as 1 
 should request them. In a few minutes the ves- 
 sel was half full of water, and the enormous castle 
 of ice that seemed to hem us in on every side, 
 in some places falling in hideous fragments upon 
 the deck, killed the one-halt of the crew ; upon 
 which, getting upon the summit of the mast, I 
 contrived to make it fast to a great promontory 
 of the ice, and calling to the remainder ct the 
 crew to follow me, we all escaped from the 
 wreck, ai-d got upon the summit of the island. 
 The rising sun soon gave us a dreadful prospect 
 of our situation, and the loss, or rather icefication, 
 of the vessel ; for being closed in on every side 
 with castles of ice during the night, she was ab- 
 solutely frozen over and buried in such a man- 
 ner that we could behold her under our feet, 
 even in the central solidity of the island. Hav- 
 ing debated what was best to be done, we im- 
 mediately cut down through the ice, and got up 
 some of the cables of the vessel, and the boats, 
 which, making fast to the island, we towed it 
 with all our might, determined to bring home 
 island and all, or perish in the attempt. On the 
 summit of the island we placed what oakum and
 
 BARON MUNCHAUSEN. 19 1 
 
 dregs of every kind of matter we could get from 
 the vessel, which, in the space of a very few hours 
 on account of the liquefying of the ice, and the 
 warmth of the sun, were transformed into a very 
 fine manure ; and as I had some seeds of exotic 
 vegetables in my pocket, we shortly had a suffi- 
 ciency of fruits and roots growing upon the 
 island to supply the whole crew, especially the 
 bread-fruit tree, a few plants of which had been 
 in the vessel ; and another tree, which boro 
 plum-puddings so very hot, and with such ex- 
 quisite proportion of sugar, fruit, &c., that we 
 all acknowledged it was not possible to taste 
 anything of the kind more delicious in England : 
 in short, though the scurvy had made such 
 dreadful progress among the crew before our 
 striking upon the ice, the supply of vegetables, 
 and especially the bread-fruit and pudding-fruit, 
 put an almost immediate stop to the distemper. 
 We had not proceeded thus many weeks, ad- 
 vancing with incredible fatigue by continual tow- 
 ing, when we fell in with a fleet of Negromen, as 
 they call them. These wretches, I must inform 
 you, my dear friends, had found means to make 
 prizes of those vessels from some Europeans upon
 
 ir^9 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 the coast of Guinea, and tasting the sweets of 
 luxury, had formed colonies in several new dis- 
 covered islands near the south pole, where they 
 had a variety of plantations of such matters as 
 would only grow in the coldest climates. As 
 the black Inhabitants of Guinea were unsuitedto 
 the climate and excessive cold of the country, 
 they formed the disbolical project of getting 
 Christian slaves to work for them. For this pur- 
 pose they sent vessels eveiy year to the coast 
 of Scotland, the northern parts of Ireland and 
 Wales, and were even sometimes seen off the 
 coast of Cornwall, And having purchased, or 
 entrapped by fraud or violence, a great number 
 of men, women and children, they proceeded 
 with their cargoes of human flesh to the other 
 end of the world, and sold them to their planters, 
 where they were flogged into obedience, and 
 made to work like horses all the rest of their 
 lives. 
 
 My blood ran cold at the idea, while every 
 one on the island also expressed his horror that 
 such an Iniquitous traflfic should be suffered to 
 exist. But, except by open violence, it was 
 found impossible to destroy the trade, on account
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN. 1 93 
 
 of a barbarous prejudice, entertained ot late by 
 the negroes, that the wliite people have no souls I 
 However, we were determined to attack them, 
 and steering down our island upon them, soon 
 overwhelmed them : we saved as many of the 
 white people as possible, but pushed all the blacks 
 into the water again. The poor creatures we 
 saved from slavery were so overjoyed, that they 
 wept aloud through gratitude, and we experienced 
 every delightful sensation to think what happi- 
 ness we should shower upon their parents, their 
 brothers and sisters and children, by bringing 
 them home safe, redeemed from slavery, to the 
 bosom of their native country. 
 
 Having happily arrived in England, I imme- 
 diately laid a statement of my voyage, &:c., before 
 the Privy Council, and entreated an immediate 
 assistance to travel into Africa, and, if possible, 
 refit my former machine, and take it along with 
 the rest. Everything was instantly granted to 
 my satisfaction, and I received orders to get 
 myself ready for departure as soon as possible. 
 
 As the Emperor of China had sent a most 
 curious animal as a present to Europe, which was 
 kept in the Tower, and it being of an enormous
 
 194 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 stature, and capable of performing the voyage 
 with eclat, she was ordered to attend me. She 
 was called Sphinx, and was one of the most tre- 
 mendous though masfnificent fissures I ever be- 
 held. She was harnessed with superb trappings 
 to a large flat-bottomed boat, in which was placed 
 an edifice of wood, exactly representing West- 
 minster Hall. Two balloons were placed over 
 it, tackled by a number of ropes to the boat, to 
 keep up a proper equilibrium, and prevent it 
 from overturning, or filling, from the prodigious 
 weight of the fabric. 
 
 The interior of the edifice was decorated with 
 seats, in the form of an amphitheatre, and 
 crammed as full as It could hold with ladles and 
 lords, as a council and retinue for your humble 
 servant. Nearly In the centre was a seat ele- 
 gantly decorated for myself, and on either ride 
 of me were placed the famous Gog and Magog 
 in all their pomp. 
 
 The Lord Viscount Gosamer being our pos- 
 tilion, we floated gallantly down the river, the 
 noble Sphinx gamboling like the huge leviathan, 
 and towing after her the boat and balloons. 
 
 Thus we advanced, sailing gently, into the
 
 open sea ; being calm weather we; could scarcely 
 (eel the motion of the vehicle, and passed our 
 time in grand debate upon the glorious intention 
 of our voyage, and the discoveries that would 
 result. 
 
 ** I am of opinion," said my noble friend, 
 Hilaro Frosticos, " that Africa was originally in- 
 habited for the greater part, or I may say, sub- 
 jugated by lions, which next to man, seem to be 
 the most dreaded of all mortal tyrants. The 
 country in general — at least what we have been 
 hitherto able to discover, seems rather inimica! 
 to human life ; the intolerable dryness of the 
 place, the burning sands that overwhelm whole 
 armies and cities in general ruin, and the hideous 
 life many roving hordes are compelled to lead, 
 incline me to think, that if ever we form any 
 great settlements therein, it will become the 
 grave of our countrymen. Yet it is nearer to us 
 than the East Indies, and I cannot but imagine, 
 that in many places every production of China 
 and of the East and West Indies, would flourish, 
 if properly attended to. And as the country is 
 so prodigiously extensive and unknown, what a 
 source of discovery must not it contain! In fact,
 
 196 BARON MUNCHA USEN. 
 
 we know less about the interior of Africa than 
 we do of the Moon ; for in this latter we measure 
 the very prominences, and observe the varieties 
 and inequalities of the surface through our 
 glasses, 
 
 *' Forests and mountains on her spotted orb. 
 
 " But we see nothing in the interior of Africa, 
 but what some compilers of.maps or geographers 
 are fanciful enough to imagine. What a happy 
 event, therefore, should we not expect from a 
 voyage of discovery and colonization undertaken 
 in so magnificent a style as the present I what a 
 pride — what an acquisition to philosophy 1 "
 
 CHAPTER XXV, 
 
 Count Gosamer thrown by Spliinx into the snow on the top 
 of Teneriffe — Gog and Magog conduct Sphinx for the 
 rest of the voyage — The Baron arrives at the Cape, and 
 unites his former chariot, &c., to his new retinue — Passes 
 into Africa, proceeding from the Cape northwards — De- 
 feats a host of lions, by a curious stratagem — Travels 
 through an immense desert — His whole company, chariot, 
 &c., overwhelmed by a whirlwind of sand — Extricates 
 them, and arrives in a fertile country. 
 
 gg G^j 
 
 HE brave Count Gosamer, with a huge 
 
 pair of hell-fire spurs on, riding upon 
 
 Sphinx, directed the whole retinue 
 
 towards the Madeiras. But the Count had no 
 
 small share of an amiable vanity, and perceiving 
 
 great multitudes of people, Gascons, etc., as 
 
 n97^
 
 tgS ORlCmAL TRAVELS OP 
 
 sembled upon the French coast, he could not 
 refrain from showing some singular capers, such 
 as they had never seen before: but especially 
 when he observed all the members of the Na- 
 tional Assembly extend themselves along the 
 shore, as a piece of French politeness, to honor 
 this expedition, with Rousseau, Voltaire, and 
 Beelzebub at their head ; he set spurs to Sphinx, 
 and at the same time cut and cracked away as 
 hard as he could, holding in the reins with all 
 his might, striving to make the creature plunge 
 and show some uncommon diversion. But sulky 
 and ill-tempered was Sphinx at the time : she 
 plunged Indeed — such a devil of a plunge, that 
 she dashed him in one jerk over her head, and 
 he fell precipitately into the v^'atcr before her. 
 It was in the Bay of Biscay, all the world knows 
 a very boisterous sea, and Sphinx fearing he 
 would be drowned, never turned to the left or 
 tlie right out of her way, but advancing furious, 
 just stooped her head a little, and supped the 
 poor Count off the water, into her mouth, 
 together with the quantity of two or three tuns 
 of water, which she must have taken in along 
 with him. but which were, to such an enoniioua
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA US EN. 199 
 
 creature as Sphinx, nothing more than a spoon- 
 ful would be to any of you or me. She swallowed 
 him, but when she had got him in her stomach, 
 his long spurs so scratched and tickled her, 
 that they produced the effect of an emetic. No 
 sooner was he in, but out he was squirted with 
 the most horrible impetuosity, like a ball or a 
 shell from the calibre cf a mortar. Sphinx was 
 at this time quite sea-sick, and the unfortunate 
 Count was driven forth like a sky-rocket, and 
 landed upon the peak of Teneriffe, plunged over 
 head and ears in the snow — reqnicscat m pace ! 
 I perceived all this mischief from my seat in 
 the ark, but was in such a convulsion of laughter 
 that I could not utter an intelligible word. And 
 now Sphinx, deprived of her postilion, went on 
 in a zigzag direction, and gamboled away after 
 a most dreadful manner. And thus had every- 
 thing gone to wreck, had I not given instant 
 orders to Gog and Magog to sally forth. They 
 plunged into the water, and swimming on each 
 side, got at length right before the animal, and 
 then seized the reins. Thus they continued 
 swimming on each side, like tritons, holding the 
 muzzle of Sphinx, while I, sallying forth astride
 
 200 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 upon the creature's back, steered forward on 
 our voyage to the Cape of Good Hope. 
 
 Arriving at the Cape I immediately gave or- 
 ders to repair my former chariot and machines^ 
 which were very expeditiously performed by th& 
 excellent artists I had brought with me from 
 Europe. And now everything being refitted, we 
 launched forth ujDon the water : perhaps there 
 never was anything seen more glorious or more 
 august. 'Twas magnificent to behold Sphinx 
 make her obeisance on the water, and the crick- 
 ets chirp upon the bulls in return of the salute; 
 while Gog and Magog advancing, took the reins 
 of the great John Mowmowsky, and leading 
 towards us, chariot and all, instantly disposed of 
 them to the forepart of the ark by hooks and 
 eyes, and tackled Sphinx before all the bulls. 
 Thus the whole had a most tremendous and 
 triumphal appearance. In front floated forwards 
 the mighty Sphinx, with Gog and Magog on each 
 side; next followed in order the bulls with crick- 
 ets upon their heads; and then advanced the 
 chariot of Queen Mab, containing the curious 
 seat and orrery of heaven ; after which appeared 
 the boat and ark of council, overtopped with
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA US EN. 2 o 1 
 
 two balloons, which gave an air of greater 
 lightness and elegance to the whole. I placed 
 in the oralleries under the balloons and on the 
 backs of the bulls, a number of excellent vocal 
 performers, with martial music of clarionets and 
 trumpets. They sung the Watery Dangers and 
 the Pomp of deep Cerulean ! The sun shone glo- 
 rious on the water while the procession advanced 
 toward the land under five hundred arches of 
 ice, illuminated with colored lights and adorned 
 in the most grotesque and fanciful style with 
 sea-weed, elegant festoons and shells of every 
 kind ; while a thousand water-spouts danced 
 eternally before and after us, attracting the water 
 from the sea in a kind of cone, and suddenly 
 uniting with the most fantastical thunder and 
 lig^htnins:. 
 
 Havins landed our whole retinue, we imme- 
 diately began to proceed toward the heart of 
 Africa, but first though it expedient to place a 
 number of wheels under the ark for its greater 
 facility of advancing. We journeyed nearly due 
 north for several days, and met with nothing re. 
 markable, except the astonishment of the savage 
 natives to behold our equipage.
 
 202 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 The Dutch Government at the Cape, to do 
 them justice, gave us every possible assistance 
 for the expedition. I presume they had re- 
 ceived instruction on that head from their Hisrh 
 Mightinesses in Holland. However, they pre- 
 sented us with a specimen of some of the most 
 excellent of their Cape wine, and showed us 
 every politeness in their power. As to the face 
 of the country, as we advanced, it appeared in 
 many places capable of every cultivation and oi 
 abundant fertility. The natives and Hottentots 
 of this part of Africa have been frequently de- 
 scribed by travelers, and therefore it is not nec- 
 essary to say any more about them. But in the 
 more interior parts of Africa, the appearance, 
 manners and genius of the people are totally 
 different. 
 
 We directed our course by the compass and 
 the stars, getting every day prodigious quantities 
 of game in the woods, and at night encamping 
 within a proper enclosure for fear of the wild 
 beasts. One whole day in particular we heard 
 on every side, among the hills, the horrible roar- 
 ing of lions resounding from rock to rock like 
 broken thunder. It seemed as if there was a
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN. 2 03 
 
 general rendezvous of all these savage animals 
 to fall upon our party. That whole day we ad- 
 vanced with caution, our hunters scarcely ven- 
 turing beyond pistol shot from the caravan for 
 fear of dissolution. At night we encamped as 
 usual, and threw up a circular entrenchment 
 round our tents. We had scarce retired to repose 
 when v/e found ourselves serenaded by at least 
 one thousand lions, approaching equally on every 
 side and within a hundred paces. Our cattle 
 showed the most horrible symptoms of fear, all 
 trembling, and in cold perspiration. I directly 
 ordered the whole company to stand to their 
 arms, and not to make any noise by firing till I 
 should comm.and them. I then took a large 
 quantity of tar, which I had brought with our 
 caravan for that purpose, and strewed it in a 
 continued stream round the encampment, within 
 which circle of tar I immediately placed another 
 train or circle of gunpowder, and having taken 
 this precaution, I anxiously waited the lions' ap- 
 proach. These dreadful animals, knowing, I pre- 
 sume, the force of our troop, advanced very 
 slowly, and with caution, approaching on every 
 side of us with an equal pace, and growling in
 
 204 RIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 hideous concert, so as to resemble an earthquake, 
 or some similar convulsion of the world. When 
 they had at length advanced and steeped all their 
 paws in the tar, they put their noses to it, smell- 
 ing it as if it were blood, and daubed their great 
 bushy hair and whiskers with it equal to their 
 paws. At that very instant, when, in concert, 
 they were to give the mortal dart upon us, I 
 discharged a pistol at the train of gunpowder, 
 which instantly exploded on every side, made all 
 the lions recoil in general uproar, and take to 
 flight with the utmost precipitation. In an in- 
 stant we could behold them scattered through 
 the woods at some distance, roaring in agony, 
 and moving about like so many Will-o'-the- Wisps, 
 their paws and faces all on fire from the tar and 
 the gunpowder. I then ordered a general pur- 
 suit : we followed them on every side through 
 the woods, their own light serving as our guide, 
 until, before the rising of the sun, we followed 
 into their fastnesses and shot or otherwise de- 
 stroyed every one of them, and during the whole 
 of our journey after we never heard the roaring 
 of a lion, nor did any wild beast pretend to make 
 another attack upon our jDarty, which shows the
 
 BAR O.V iMUXCIIA USExV. 20c 
 
 excellence of immediate presence of mind, and 
 the terror inspired into the most savage enemies 
 by a proper and well-timed proceeding. 
 
 We at length arrived on the confines of an im- 
 measurable desert — an immense plain, extending 
 on every side of us like an ocean. Not a tree, 
 nor a shrub, nor a blade of grass was to be seen, 
 but all appeared an extreme fine sand, mixed 
 vidth gold-dust and little sparkling pearls. 
 
 The gold-dust and pearls appeared to us of 
 little value, because we could have no expecta- 
 tion of returnino^ to Enirland for a considerable 
 lime. We observed, at a great distance, some- 
 thing like a smoke arising just over the verge 
 of the horizon, and looking with our telescopes 
 we perceived it to be a whirlwind tearing up the 
 sand and tossing it about in the heavens with 
 frightful impetuosity. I immediately ordered 
 my company to erect a mound around us of a 
 great size which we did with astonishing labor 
 and perseverance, and then roofed it over with 
 certain planks and timber, which we had with 
 us for the purpose. Our labor was scarcely 
 finished when the sand came rollincr in like the 
 waves of the sea ; 'twas a storm and a river of
 
 io6 ORIGINAL TXAVJILS OF 
 
 sand united. It continued to advance in the 
 same direction, without intermission, for three 
 days, and completely covered over the mound 
 we had erected, and buried us all within. The 
 intense heat of the place was intolerable ; but 
 guessing, by the cessation of the noise, that the 
 storm v^'as passed, we set about digging a pas- 
 sage to the light of day again, which we effected 
 in a very short time, and ascending, perceived 
 that the whole had been so completely covered 
 with the sand, that there appeared no hills, but 
 one continued plain, with inequalities or ridges 
 on it like the waves of the sea. We soon extri- 
 cated our vehicle and retinue from the burning 
 sands, but not without great danger, as the heat 
 was very violent, and began to proceed on our 
 voyage. Storms of sand of a similar nature sev- 
 eral times attacked us, but by using the same 
 precautions we preserved ourselves repeatedly 
 from destruction. Having traveled more than 
 nine thousand miles over this inhospitable plain^ 
 exposed to the perpendicular rays of a burning 
 sun, without ever meeting a rivulet or a shower 
 from heaven to refresh us, we at length became 
 almost desperate, when, to our inexpressible joy,
 
 ^AJ:aN McTNciiAUSP.K\ 207 
 
 We beheld some mountains at a orcat distance, 
 and on our nearer approach observed them cov- 
 ered with a carpet of verdure and groves and 
 woods. Nothing could appear more romantic 
 or beautiful than the rocks and precipices inter, 
 mingled with flowers and shrubs of every kind, 
 and palm-trees of such a prodigious size as to 
 surpass anything ever seen in Europe. Fruits 
 of all kinds appeared growing wild in the utmos\. 
 abundance, and antelopes and sheep and but. 
 faloes wandered about the groves and valleys in. 
 profusion. The trees resounded with the melody 
 of birds, and everything displayed a general 
 scene of rural happiness and joy.
 
 CHAPTER XXVI. 
 
 A feast on live bulls and kava — The inhabitants admire 
 the European adventurers — The Emperor comes to meet 
 the Baron, and pays him great compliments — The inhab- 
 itants of the centre of Africa descended from tlie people 
 of the Moon, proved by an inscription in Africa, and by 
 the analogy of their language, which is also the same 
 with that of the ancient Scythians — The Baron is de- 
 clared sovereign of the interior of Africa on the decease 
 of the Emperor — He endeavors to abolish the custom of 
 eating live bulls, which excites much discontent — The 
 advice of Hilaro Frosticos upon the occasion — The 
 Baron makes a speech to an Assembly of the States, 
 which only excites greater murmurs — He consults with 
 Hilaro Frosticos. 
 
 AVING passed over the nearest moun- 
 tains, we entered a delightful vale, 
 where we perceived a multitude of 
 persons at a feast of living bulls, whose flesh 
 
 rhey cut away with great knives, making a 
 (208)
 
 BAR ON- Ml 'NCHA US P.N. 2 09 
 
 table of the creature's carcase, serenaded by the 
 bellowing of the unfortunate animal. Nothing 
 seemed requisite to add to the barbarity of this 
 feast but kava, made as described in Cook's 
 voyages, and at the conclusion of the feast we 
 perceived them brewing this liquor, which they 
 drank with the utmost avidity. From that 
 moment, inspired witli an idea of universal 
 benevolence, I determined to abolish the custom 
 of eating live fish and drinking of kava. But 
 I knew that such a thing could not be imme- 
 diately effected, whatever in future time might 
 be performed. 
 
 Having rested ourselves during a few days, 
 we determined to set out towards the principal 
 city of the empire. The singularity of our ap- 
 pearance was spoken of all over the country as 
 a phenomenon. The multitude looked upon 
 Sphinx, the bulls, the crickets, the balloons and 
 the whole company, as something more than 
 terrestrial, but especially the thunder of our 
 fire-arms, which struck horror and amazement 
 into the whole nation. 
 
 We at length arrived at the metropolis, situ- 
 ated on the banks of a noble river, and the em-
 
 210 ORIGINAL TRaP'ELS OF 
 
 peror, attended by rdl his court, came out in 
 grand procession to meet us. The emperor ap« 
 peared m.ounted on a dromedary, royahy capar- 
 isoned, with all his attendants on foot, through 
 respect for his Majesty. He was rather above 
 the middle stature of that country, four feet 
 three inches in height, with a countenance, like 
 all his countrym.en, as white as snow ! He was 
 preceded by a band of most exquisite music, 
 according to the fashion of the country, and his 
 whole retinue halted within about fifty paces of 
 our troop. We returned the salute by a dis^ 
 charge of musketry and a flourish of our trum- 
 pets and martial music. I commanded cur cara- 
 van to halt and dismounting, advanced uncov- 
 ered, with only two attendants, tovv^ards his 
 Majesty. The emperor was equally polite, and 
 descending from his dromedary, advanced to 
 meet m.c. " I am happy," said he, " to have the 
 honor to receive so illustrious a traveler, and 
 assure you that everything in my em.pire shall 
 be at your disposal." 
 
 I thanked his Majesty for his politeness, and 
 expressed how happy I was to micet so polished 
 and refined a people in the centre of Africa and
 
 BA/^ OX MUNCH A US EN. 2 1 1 
 
 that I hoped to show myself and company grate- 
 ful for his esteem, by introducing the arts and 
 sciences of Europe among the people. 
 
 I immediately perceived the true descent of 
 this people, which does not appear of terrestrial 
 origin, but descended from some of the inhabit 
 ants of the Moon, because the principal language 
 spoken there, and in the centre of Africa, is very 
 nearly the same. Their alphabet and method 
 of writing are pretty much the same, and show 
 the extreme antiquity of this people, and their 
 exalted origin. I here give you a specimen of 
 their writing [ Vide Otrckocsus de Orig. Hung. 
 p. 46] : Sregnah, dna skoohtop. 
 
 These characters I have submitted to the inspec- 
 tion of a celebrated antiquarian, and it will be 
 proved to the satisfaction of every one in his 
 next volume, what an immediate intercourse
 
 212 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 there must have been between the inhabitants 
 of the Moon and the ancient Scythians, which 
 Scythians did not by any means inhabit a part 
 of Russia, but the central part of Africa, as I 
 can abundantly prove to my very learned and 
 laborious friend. The above words, written in 
 our characters, are Sregnah dna skoohtop ; that 
 is, The Scythians are of heavenly origin. The 
 word Sregnah^ which signifies Scythians^ is com- 
 pounded of j-r^^ or jr^, whence our present Eng- 
 lish word sire, or sir : and nah^ or giiah^ knowl- 
 edge, because the Scythians united the essentials 
 of nobility and learning together: d^ia signifies 
 heaven, or belonging to the Moon, from duna, 
 who was anciently worshipped as goddess of 
 that luminary. And skoohtop signifies the origin 
 or beginning of anything, from skoo, the name 
 used in the Moon for a point in geometry, and 
 top or Jitop, vegetation. These words are in- 
 scribed at this day upon a pyramid in the centre 
 of Africa, nearly at the source of the river Niger ; 
 and if any one refuses his assent, he may go 
 there to be convinced. 
 
 The emperor conducted me to his court amidst 
 the admiration of his courtiers, and paid us every
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA USEN. a 1 3 
 
 possible politeness that African magnificence 
 could bestow. He never presumed to proceed on 
 any expedition without consulting us, and look- 
 mg upon us as a species of superior beings, paid 
 the greatest respect to our opinions. He fre- 
 quently asked me about the states of Europe, and 
 the kingdom of Great Britain, and appeared lost 
 in admiration at the account I gave him of our 
 shipping, and the immensity of the ocean. We 
 taught him to regulate the government nearly 
 on the same plan with the British constitution, 
 and to institute a parliament and degrees of no 
 bility. His majesty was the last of his royal lino 
 and on his decease, with the unanimous consent 
 of the people, made me heir to the whole empire. 
 The nobility and chiefs of the country imme- 
 diately waited upon me with petitions, entreating 
 me to accept the government. I consulted with 
 my noble friends, Gog and Magog, etc., and aftei 
 much consultation it was agreed that I should 
 accept the government, not as actual and inde- 
 pendent monarch of the place, but as viceroy to 
 his Majesty of England. 
 
 I now thought it high time to do away the 
 custom of eating of live flesh and drinking of
 
 214 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 kava, and for that purpose used every persuasive 
 method to wean the majority of the people from 
 it. This, to my astonishment, was not taken in 
 good part by the nation, and they looked with 
 jealousy at those strangers who wanted to make 
 innovations among them. 
 
 Nevertheless, I felt much concern to think 
 that my fellow-creatures could be capable of such 
 barbarity. I did everything that a heart fraught 
 with universal benevolence and good-will to all 
 mankind could be capable of desiring. I first 
 tried every method of persuasion and incitement. 
 I did not harshly reprove them, but I invited 
 frequently whole thousands to dine, after the 
 fashion of Europe, upon roasted meat. Alas, 
 'twas all in vain 1 my goodness nearly excited a 
 sedition. They murmured among themselves, 
 spoke of my intentions, my wild and ambitious 
 views, as if I, O heaven ! could have had any 
 personal interested motive in making them live 
 like men, rather than like crocodiles and tigers. 
 In fine, perceiving that gentleness could be of no 
 avail, well knowing that when complaisance can 
 effect nothing from some spirits, compulsion ex- 
 cites respect and veneration, I prohibited, under
 
 3AR ON MUNCH A USEN, 2 1 5 
 
 the pain of the severest penalties, the drinking 
 of kava, or eating of live flesh, for the space of 
 nine days, within the districts of Angalinar and 
 Paphagalna. 
 
 But this created such an universal abhorrence 
 and detestation of my government, that my min- 
 isters, and even myself, were universally pasqui- 
 nadoed ; lampoons, satires, ridicule, and insult, 
 were showered upon the name of Munchausen 
 wherever it was mentioned ; and, in fine, there 
 never was a government so much detested, or 
 with such little reason. 
 
 In this dilemma I had recourse to the advice 
 of my noble friend Hilaro Frosticos. In his good 
 sense I now expected some resource, for the rest 
 of the council, who had advised me to the former 
 method, had given but a poor specimen of their 
 abilities and discernment, or I should have suc- 
 ceeded more happily. In short, he addressed 
 himself to me and to the council as follows : — 
 
 " It is in vain, most noble Munchausen, that 
 your Excellency endeavors to conipel or force 
 these people to a life to which they have never 
 been accustomed. In vain do you tell them that 
 apple-pies, pudding, roast beef, minced pies, or
 
 2t6 original TRAyELS OF 
 
 tarts, are delicious, that sugar is sweet, that 
 wine Is exquisite. Alas I they cannot, they will 
 not comprehend what dellciousness is, what 
 sweetness, or what the flavor of the grape. And 
 even if they were convinced of the superior ex- 
 cellence of your way of life, never, never would 
 they be persuaded ; and that if for no other 
 reason, but because force or persuasion is em- 
 ployed to induce them to It. Abandon that 
 Idea for the present, and let us try another 
 method. My opinion, therefore, Is that we should 
 at once cease all endeavors to compel or per 
 suade them. But let us, if possible, procure .i 
 quantity oi fudge from England, and carelessly 
 scatter It over all the country ; and from this 
 disposal of matters I presume — nay, I have a 
 moral certainty, that we shall reclaim this people 
 from horror and barbarity." 
 
 Had this been proposed at any other time, it 
 would have been violently opposed In the coun- 
 cil ; but now, when every other attempt had 
 failed, when there seemed no other resource, the 
 majority willingly submitted to they knew not 
 what, for they absolutely had no idea of the 
 manner, the possibility of success, or how they
 
 BAR ON M UNCI! A US EN. 2 1 7 
 
 could bring matters to bear. However, 'twas a 
 scheme, and as such they submitted. For my 
 part, I listened with ecstasy to the words ol 
 Hilaro Frosticos, for I knew that he had amosi 
 singular knowledge of human kind, and could 
 humor and persuade them on to th-elr own 
 happiness and universal good. Therefore, ac- 
 cording to the advice of Hilaro, I despatched a 
 balloon with four men over the desert to the 
 Cape of Good Hope, with letters to be for- 
 warded to England, requiring, without del'/y, a 
 few caro:oes of fudofe. 
 
 The people had all this time remained in a 
 general state of ferment and murmur. Every- 
 thing that rancor, low wit, and deplorable ignor 
 ance could conceive to asperse my government, 
 was put in execution. The most worthy, even 
 the most beneficent actions, everything that was 
 amiable, were perverted into opposition. 
 
 The heart of Munchausen was not made ot 
 such impenetrable stuff as to be insensible to 
 the hatred of even the most worthless wretch in 
 the whole kingdom ; and once, at a general 
 assembly of the states, filled with an idea of such 
 continued ingratitude, I spoke as pathetic as
 
 2i8 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OP 
 
 possible, not, methought, beneath my dignity, to 
 niake them feel for me ; that the universal good 
 and happiness of the people were all I wished 
 or desired : that if my actions had been mis- 
 taken, or improper surmises formed, still I had 
 no wish, no desire, but the public welfare, &c., 
 &c., &c. 
 
 Hilaro Frosticos was all this time much 
 disturbed; he looked sternly at me — he frowned, 
 but I was so engrossed with the warmth of my 
 heart, my Intentions, that I understood him not; 
 in a minute I saw nothing but as if through a 
 cloud (such is the force of amiable sensibility)— 
 iords, ladies, chiefs — the whole assembly seemec^ 
 to swim before my sight. The more I thought 
 on my good intentions, the lampoons which so 
 much affected my delicacy, good nature, tende i 
 ness — I forgot myself — I spoke rapid, violent — 
 beneficence — fire — tenderness — alas I I melted 
 into tears 1 
 
 " Pish I pish I " said Hilaro Frosticos ! 
 
 Now, indeed, was my government lampooned, 
 satirized, carribonadoed, bepickled, and bedev- 
 illed. One day, with my arm full of lampoons, I 
 started up as Hilaro entered the room, the tears
 
 BAR ON NUNC HA USEN. 2 1 9 
 
 in my eyes: " Look, look here, Hilaro! — how 
 can I bear all this ? It is impossible to please 
 them ; I will leave the government — I cannot 
 bear it ! See what pitiful anecdotes — what sur- 
 mises : I will make my people feel for me — I 
 will leave the government 1" 
 
 *' Pshaw ! " says Hilaro. At the simple 
 monosyllable I found myself changed as if by 
 magic I for I ever looked on Hilaro as a person 
 so experienced — such fortitude, such good sense. 
 " There are three sail, under the convoy of a 
 frigate," added Hilaro, " just arrived at the Cape, 
 after a fortunate passage, laden with the fudge 
 that we demanded. No time is to be lost ; let 
 it be immediately conducted hither, and distrib- 
 uted through the principal granaries of the 
 empire."
 
 CHAPTER XXVII. 
 
 A proclamation by the Baron — Excessive curiosity of the 
 people to know what fudge was — The people in a general 
 ferment about it — They break open all the granaries in 
 the empire — The affections of the people conciliated — 
 An ode performed in honor of the Baron — His discourse 
 with Fragrantia on the excellence of the music. 
 
 OME time after I ordered the ioi- 
 lowinc^ proclamation to be published 
 in the Court Gazette, and in all the 
 other papers of the empire : — 
 
 BY THE MOST MIGHTY AND PUISSANT LORD, 
 HIS EXCELLENCY THE 
 
 LORD BARON MUNCHAUSEN. 
 
 WHEREAS a quantity of fudge has been 
 
 distributed throuoh all the granaries of the em- 
 
 pire for particular uses ; and as the natives have 
 
 ever expressed their aversion to all manner 
 (220)
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN. 2 2 1 
 
 of European eatables, it is hereby strictly for- 
 bidden, under pain of the severest penalties, 
 for any of the officers charged with the keeping 
 of the said fudge, to give, sell, or suffer to be 
 sold, any part or quantity whatever of the said 
 material until it be agreeable unto our good 
 
 vvill and pleasure, 
 
 Munchausen 
 
 Dated i.i our Castle of Gristariska 
 
 this Triskill of the month of 
 
 Griskish, in the year Moulikas- 
 
 ranavas-kashna-vildash. 
 
 This proclamation excited the most ardent 
 curiosity all over the empire. " Do you know 
 what this fudge is ? " said Lady Mooshilgarousti 
 to Lord Darnarlaganl. " Fudge ! " said he, 
 " Fudge I no : what fudge ? " "I mean," replied 
 her Ladyship, " the enormous quantity of fudge 
 that has been distributed under guards in all 
 the strong places in the empire, and which is 
 strictly forbidden to be sold or given to any 
 of the natives under the severest penalties." 
 "Lord!" replied he "what in the name of 
 wonder can it be ? Forbidden I why it must, 
 but pray do you, Lady Fashashash, do you know
 
 222 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 what this fudge is ? Do you, Lord Trastillauex ? 
 or you, Miss Gristilarkask ? What ! nobody 
 know what this fudge can be ? " 
 
 It engrossed for several days the chit-chat ol 
 the whole empire. Fudge, fudge, fudge, re- 
 sounded in all companies and in all places, from 
 the rising until the setting of the sun ; and even 
 at night, when gentle sleep refreshed the rest ol 
 mortals, the ladies of all that country were 
 drcaminor of fudcre! 
 
 " Upon my honor," said Kitty, as she was ad- 
 justing her modesty piece before the glass, just 
 after getting out of bed, " there is scarce anything 
 I would not give to know what this fudge can 
 be." " La ! my dear," replied Miss Killnariska, 
 " I have been dreaming the whole night of noth- 
 ing but fudge ; I thought my lover kissed my 
 hand, and pressed it to his bosom, while I, frown- 
 ing, endeavored to wrest it from him : that he 
 kneeled at my feet. No, never, never will I look 
 at you, cried I, till you tell me wh-'t this fudge 
 can be, or get me some of it. Begone ! cried I, 
 with all the dignity of offended beauty, majesty, 
 and a tragic queen. Begone ! never see me more, 
 or bring me this delicious fudge. He swore, on
 
 BARON MUNCHAUSEN. 223 
 
 the honor of a knight, that he would wander o'er 
 the world, encounter every danger, perish in the 
 attempt, or satisfy the angel of his soul." 
 
 The chiefs and nobility of the nation, when 
 they met together to drink their kava, spoke of 
 nothing but fudge. Men, women, and children, 
 all, all talked of nothing but fudge. 'Twas a fury 
 of curiosity, one general ferment, an universal 
 fever — nothing but fudge could allay it. 
 
 But in one respect they all agreed, that gov- 
 ernment must have had some interested view in 
 giuing such positive orders to preserve it, and 
 keep it from the natives of the country. Petitions 
 were addressed to me from all quarters, from 
 every corporation and body of men in the whole 
 empire. The majority of the people instructed 
 their constituents, and the parliament presented 
 a petition, praying that I would be pleased to 
 take the state of the nation under consideration, 
 and give orders to satisfy the people, or the most 
 dreadful consequences were to be apprehended. 
 To these requests, at the entreaty of my council, 
 I made no reply, or at least but unsatisfactory 
 answers. Curiosity was on the rack ; they for- 
 got to lampoon the government, so engaged were
 
 224 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 they about the fudge. The great assembly of 
 the states could think of nothing else. Instead 
 of enacting laws for the regulation of the people, 
 instead of consulting what should seem most wise, 
 most excellent, they could think, talk, and ha- 
 rangue of nothing but fudge. In vain did the 
 Speaker call to order ; the more checks they got 
 the more extravagant and inquisitive they were. 
 
 In short, the populace in many places rose in 
 the most outrageous and tumultuous manner 
 forced open the granaries in all places in one 
 day, and triumphantly distributed the fudge 
 through the whole empire. 
 
 Whether on account of the longing, the great 
 curiosity, imagination or the disposition of the 
 people, I cannot say, but they found it infinitely 
 to their taste ; 'twas an intoxication of joy, sat- 
 isfaction and applause. 
 
 Finding how much they liked this fudge, I 
 procured another quantity from England, much 
 greater than the former, and cautiously bestowed 
 it over all the kingdom. Thus were the affec- 
 tions of the people regained ; and they, from 
 hence, began to venerate, applaud, and admire 
 my government more than ever. The following
 
 BAR ON M UNCHA US EN. 2 2 5 
 
 ode was performed at the castle, in the most su- 
 perb style, and universally admired : — 
 
 ODE. 
 
 Ye bulls and crickets, and Gog, Magog, 
 And trump'ts high chiming anthrophog-, 
 Come sing blithe choral all in og^ 
 Catalog, basilog, fog, and bog 1 
 
 Great and superb appears thy cap sublime. 
 
 Admired and worshipp'd as the rising sun ; 
 Solemn, majestic, wise, like hoary Time, 
 
 And fam'd alike for virtue, sense, and fun. 
 
 Then swell the noble strain with song, 
 
 And elegance divine. 
 While goddesses around shall throng, 
 
 And all the muses nine. 
 
 And bulls, and crickets, and Gog, Magog, 
 And trumpets chiming anthrophog 
 Shall sing blithe choral all in og^ 
 Catalog, basilog, fog, and bog. 
 
 This piece of poetry was much applauded, 
 admired, and encored in every public assembly, 
 celebrated as an astonishing effort of genius ; and 
 the music, composed by Minheer Gastrashbark 
 Gkrghhbarwskhk, was thought equal to the 
 sense ! — Never was there anything so universally
 
 226 
 
 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 admired, the summit of the most exquisite wit, 
 the keenest praise, the most excellent music 
 
 Sfi 0t. 
 
 ^ 
 
 y-3 ■ F-^ ■ 777 
 
 ^J\A ' ■ ^gqg^ 
 
 f^'^=f=Y'^ ' r p" ^ f f F 
 
 22: 
 
 p 
 
 I 
 
 fj-, (- pi^— [-^-1 
 
 " Upon my honor, and the faith I owe my 
 love," said I, " music may be talked of in 
 England, but to possess the very soul of har- 
 mony the world should come to the performance 
 of this ode." Lady Fragrantia Mas at that 
 moment drumming with her fingers on the edge 
 of her fan, lost in a reverie, thinking she was 
 playing upon . Was it a forte piano ? 
 
 " No, my dear Fragrantia," said I, tenderly 
 taking her in my arms while she melted into 
 tears ; " never, never, will I play upon any 
 other !'* 
 
 Oh 1 " *twas divine, to see her like a summer's 
 morning, all blushing and full of dew I "
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII. 
 
 The Baron sets all the people of the empire to woik to 
 build a bridge from their country to Great Britain— Hia 
 contrivance to render the arch secure — Orders an in- 
 scription to be engraved on the bridge — Returns with 
 all his company, chariot, Szc, to England — Surveys the 
 kingdoms and nations under him from the middle of the 
 bridge. 
 
 ND now, most noble Baron," said the 
 Illustrious Hllaro Frosticos, " now is 
 the time to make this people proceed 
 in any business that we find convenient. Take 
 them at this present ferment of the mind, let 
 them not think, but at once set them to work." 
 In short, the whole nation went heartily to the 
 business, to build an edifice such as was never 
 seen in any other country. I took care to sup- 
 ply them with their favorite kava and fudge, and 
 
 (227)
 
 228 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 they worked like horses. The tower of Babylon, 
 which, according to Hermogastricus, was seven 
 miles high, or the Chinese wall, was a mere trifle, 
 in comparison to this stupendous edifice, which 
 was completed in a very short space of time. 
 
 It was of an immense height, far beyond any- 
 thing that ever had been before erected, and oi 
 such gentle ascent, that a regiment of cavalry 
 with a train of cannon could ascend with perfect 
 ease and facility. It seemed like a rainbow in 
 the heavens, the base of which appeared to rise 
 jn the centre of Africa, and the other extremity 
 seemed to stoop into Great Britain. A most 
 noble bridge indeed, and a piece of masonry that 
 has outdone Sir Christopher Wren. Wonderful 
 must it have been to form so tremendous an arch, 
 especially as the artists had certain difficulties to 
 labor against which they could not have in the 
 formation of any other arch in the world — I 
 mean, the attraction of the Moon and planets: 
 Because the arch was of so great a height, and 
 in some parts so elongated from the earth, as in 
 a great measure to diminish in its gravitation to 
 the centre of our globe ; or rather, seemed more 
 easily operated upon by the attraction of the
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA USEJST, 229 
 
 planets ; so that the stones of the arch, one 
 would think at certain times, were ready to fall 
 up to the Moon and at other times to fall down 
 to the Earth. But as the former was more to be 
 dreaded, I secured stability to the fabric by a 
 very curious contrivance ; I ordered the archi- 
 tects to get the heads of some hundred numb^ 
 skulls and blockheads and fix them to the inte- 
 rior surface of the arch at certain intervals, all 
 the whole length, by which means the arch was 
 Veld together firm, and its inclination to the 
 earth eternally established ; because of all the 
 things in the world, the skulls of these kind of 
 animals have a strange facility of tending to the 
 centre of the earth. 
 
 The building being completed, I caused an 
 inscription to be engraved in the most magnifi- 
 cent style upon the summit of the arch, in letters 
 so great and luminous that all vessels sailing to 
 the East or West Indies might read them 
 distinct in the heavens, like the motto of Con. 
 stantine : — 
 
 KARDOL BAGARLAN KAI TON FARINGO SARGAL RA 
 MO PASHROL VATINEAC CAL COLNITOS RO NA FILNAT 
 AGASTRA SA DINGANNAL FANG.
 
 430 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 That is to say, " As long as this arch and bond 
 of union shall exist, so long shall the people be 
 happy. Nor can all the power of the world 
 affect them, unless the Moon, advancing from 
 her usual sphere, should so much attract the 
 skulls as to cause a sudden elevation, on which 
 the whole will fall into the most horrible con- 
 fusion." 
 
 An easy intercourse being thus established 
 between Great Britain and the centre of Africa, 
 numbers traveled continually to and from both 
 countries, and at my request mail coaches were 
 ordered to run on the bridge between both em- 
 pires. After some time, having settled the 
 government perfectly to my satisfaction, I re- 
 quested permission to resign, as a great cabal 
 had been excited against me in England ; I, 
 therefore, received my letters of recall, and pre- 
 pared to return to Old England. 
 
 In fine, I set out upon my journey, covered 
 with applause and general admiration. I pro- 
 ceeded with the same retinue that I had before — 
 Sphinx, Gog and Magog, &c. and advanced along 
 the bridge, lined on each side with rows of trees,
 
 £AI^ OA' MUiXCHA USEN. 23 1 
 
 adorned with festoons of various flowers, and 
 illuminated with colored lights. We advanced at 
 a great rate along the bridge, which was so very 
 extensive that we could scarcely perceive the 
 ascent, but proceeded insensible until we arrived 
 on the centre of the arch. The view from thence 
 was glorious beyond conception ; 'twas divine to 
 look down on the kingdoms and seas and islands 
 under us. Africa seemed in general of a tawny 
 brownish color, burned up by the sun : Spain 
 seemed more inclining to a yellow, on account of 
 some fields of corn scattered over the kingdom. 
 France appeared more inclining to a bright 
 straw-color, Intermixed with green ; and Eng- 
 land appeared covered with the most beautiful 
 verdure. I admired the appearance ot the Baltic 
 Sea, which evidently seemed to have been in- 
 troduced between those two countries by the 
 sudden splitting of the land, and that originally 
 Sweden was united to the western coast of Den- 
 mark; in short, the whole interstice of the Gulf 
 of Finland had no being, until these countries, 
 by mutual consent, separated from one another. 
 Such were my philosophical meditations as \
 
 232 BAR ON M UNCHA USEN, 
 
 advanced,when I observed a man in armor, with 
 a tremendous spear or lance, and mounted upon 
 a steed advancing against me. I soon discovered 
 by a telescope that it could be no other than 
 Don Quixote, and promised myself mjicr 
 amusement in the rencounter.
 
 CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 The Baron's retinue is opposed in a heroic style by Don- 
 Quixote, who in his turn is attacked by Gog and Ma- 
 gog — Lord Whlttington, with the Lord Mayor's show, 
 comes to the assistance of Don Quixote — Gog and Ma- 
 gog assail his Lordship — Lord Whittington makes a 
 speech, and deludes Gog and Magog to his party — A 
 general scene of uproar and battle among the company, 
 until the Baron, with great presence of mind, appeases 
 the tumult. 
 
 HAT art thou ? " exclaimed Don Quix- 
 ote, on his potent steed. " Who art 
 thou ? Speak ! or, by the eternal 
 vengeance of mine arm, thy whole machinery 
 shall perish at sound of this my trumpet 1 " 
 Astonished at so rude a salutation, ihe great 
 
 Sphinx stopped short, and bridling up herself, 
 
 (233j
 
 t34 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OP 
 
 drew in her head, like a snail when it touches 
 something that it does not like : the bulls set up 
 a horrid bellowing, the crickets sounded an 
 alarm, and Gog and Magog advanced before 
 the rest. One of these powerful brothers had 
 in his hand a great pole, to the extremity of 
 which was fastened a cord of about two feet in 
 length, and to the end of the cord was fastened 
 a ball of Iron, with spikes shooting from it like 
 the rays of a star ; with this weapon he prepared 
 to encounter, and advancing thus he spoke : — 
 
 " Audacious wight ! that thus. In complete 
 steel arrayed, doth dare to venture cross my 
 way, to stop the great Munchausen! Know 
 then, proud knight, that thou shalt instant 
 perish 'neath my potent arm." 
 
 When Quixote, Mancha's knight, responded 
 firm: — 
 
 " Gigantic monster! leader of witches, crick- 
 ets, and chimeras dire I know thou that here 
 before yon azure heaven the cause of truth, of 
 valor, and of faith right pure shall ordeal counter 
 try it ! " 
 
 Thus he spoke, and brandishing his mighty 
 spear, would instant prodigies sublime per-
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN. 235 
 
 formed, had not some wight placed *neath the 
 tail of dark Rosinante furze all thorny base : at 
 which, quadrupedanting, plunged the steed, and 
 instant on the earth, the knight xoTiiX^di credo for 
 his life. 
 
 At that same moment ten thousand frogs 
 started from the morions of Gog and Magog, 
 and furiously assailed the knight on every side. 
 In vain he roared, and invoked fair Dulcinea 
 del Toboso : for frogs* wild croaking seemed 
 more loud, more sonorous than all his invoca- 
 tions. And thus in battle vile the knight wa«i 
 overcome, and spawn all swarmed upon his 
 o^litterinof helmet. 
 
 " Detested miscreants ! " roared the knight, 
 " avaunt ! Enchanters dire and goblins could 
 alone this arduous task perform ; to rout the 
 knight of Mancha, foul defeat, and war, even 
 such as ne'er was known before. Then hear, O 
 del Toboso ! hear my vows, that thus in anguish 
 of my soul I urge, 'midst frogs, Gridalbin, Hec- 
 aton, Kai, Talon, and the Rove I [for such the 
 names and definitions of their qualities, their 
 separate powers.] For Merlin plumed their 
 airy flight, and then in watery moon-beam dyed
 
 236 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 his rod eccentric. At the touch ten thousand 
 frogs, strange metamorphosed, croaked even, 
 thus : And here they come, on high behest, to 
 vilify the knight that erst defended famed 
 virginity, and matrons all bewronged, and pil- 
 grims hoar, and courteous guise of all ! But the 
 age of chivalry is gone, and the glory of Europe 
 is extinguished forever 1 " 
 
 He spake, and sudden good Lord Whitting- 
 ton, at head of all his raree-show, came forth, 
 armor antique of chivalry, and helmets old, 
 and troops, all streamers, flags and banners 
 glittering gay, red, gold, and purple ; and in 
 every hand a square of gingerbread, all gilded 
 nice, was brandished awful. At a word ten 
 thousand thousand Naples biscuits, crackers, 
 buns, and flannel-cakes, and hats of gingerbread 
 encountered in mid air in glorious exultation, 
 like some huge storm of mill-stones, or when it 
 rains whole clouds of dos^s and cats. 
 
 The frogs, astonished, thunderstruck, forgot 
 their notes and music, that before had seemed 
 so terrible, and drowned the cries of knight 
 renown, and mute in wonder heard the words 
 of Whittington, pronouncing solemn : " Gob-
 
 BAR ON M UNCHA USEN. 2 3 7 
 
 lins, chimeras dire, or frogs, or whatsoe'er en- 
 chantment thus presents in antique shape, attend 
 and hear the words of peace : and thou, good 
 herald, read aloud the Riot Act ! " 
 
 He ceased, and dismal was the tone that 
 softly breathed from all the frogs in chorus, who 
 quick had petrified with fright, unless redoubted 
 Gog and Magog, both with poles, high topped 
 with airy bladders by a string dependent, had 
 not stormed against his lordship. Ever and 
 anon the bladders, loud resounding on his chaps, 
 proclaimed their fury against all potent law, 
 coercive mayoralty ; when he, submissive, thus 
 in cunning oruile addressed the knijihts assail- 
 ant : " Gog, Magog, renowned and famous ! 
 what, my sons, shall you assail your father, 
 friend, and chief confessed ? Shall you, thus 
 armed with bladders vile, attack my title, emi- 
 nence, and pomp sublime ? Subside, vile dis- 
 cord, and again return to your true 'legiance. 
 Think, my friends, how oft your gorgeous pouch 
 I've crammed, all calapash, green fat and cal- 
 apee. Remember how you've feasted, stood 
 inert for ages, until size immense you Ve gained. 
 And think, how different is the service of Mun-
 
 238 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 chausen, where you o'er seas, cold, briny, float 
 along the tide, eternal toiling like to slaves 
 Algiers and Tripoli. And ev'n on high, balloon 
 like, through the heavens have journeyed late, 
 upon a rainbow, or some awful bridge stretched 
 eminent, as if on earth he had not work suf- 
 ficient to distress your potent servitudes, but 
 he should also seek in heaven dire cause of 
 labor ! Recollect, my friends, even why or 
 wherefore should you thus assail your lawful 
 magistrate, or why desert his livery ? or for 
 what or wherefore serve this German Lord Mun- 
 chausen, who for all your labor shall alone 
 bestow some fudge and heroic blows In war ? 
 Then cease, and thus In amity return to friend- 
 ship aldermanic, bungy, brown, and sober." 
 
 Ceased he then, right worshipful, when both 
 the warring champions instant stemmed their 
 battle, and In sign of peace and unity returning, 
 'neath their feet reclined their weapons. Sud- 
 den at a signal either stamped his foot sinlstrine, 
 and the loud report of bursten bladder stunned 
 each ear surrounding, like the roar of thunder 
 from on high convulsing heaven and earth. 
 
 'Twas now upon the saddle once again thi
 
 BARON MUNCHA USEN. 139 
 
 knight of Mancha rose, and in his hand far bal- 
 ancing his lance, full tilt against the troops of 
 bulls opposing ran. And thou, shrill Crillitril- 
 kril, than whom no cricket e'er on hob of rural 
 cottage, or chimney black, more gladsome tuned 
 his merry note, e'en thou didst perish, shrieking 
 gave the ghost in empty air, the sport of every 
 wind ; for e'en that heart so jocund and so gay 
 was pierced, harsh spitted by the lance of Man- 
 cha, while undaunted thou didst sit between the 
 horns that crowned Mowmowsky. And now 
 Whittington advanced, 'midst armor antique and 
 the powers Magog and Gog, and with his rod 
 enchanting touched the head of every frog, long 
 mute, and thunderstruck, at which, in universal 
 chorus and salute, they sung blithe jocund, and 
 amain advanced rebellious 'gainst my troop. 
 
 While Sphinx, though great, gigantic, seemed 
 instinctive base and cowardly, and at the sight 
 of storming gingerbread, and powers, Magog and 
 Gog, and Quixote, all against her, started fierce, 
 o'erturning boat, balloons, and all ; loud roared 
 the bulls, hideous, and the crash of wheels, and 
 chaos of confusion drear, resounded far from 
 earth to heaven. And still more fierce in charge
 
 iio ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 the great Lord Whittington, from poke of ermine 
 his famed Grimalkin took. She screamed, and 
 harsh attacked my bulls confounded ; lightning- 
 like she darted, and from half the troop their 
 eyes devouring tore. Nor could the riders, crick- 
 ets throned sublime, escape from rage, from fury 
 less averse than cannons murder o'er the stormy 
 sea. The great Mowmowsky roared amain and 
 plunged in anguish, shunning every dart of fire- 
 pyed fierce Grimalkin. Dire the rage of warfare 
 and contending crickets, Quixote and great Ma- 
 gog ; when Whittington advancing — *' Good, my 
 friends and warriors, headlong on the foe bear 
 down impetuous." He spoke, and waving high 
 the mighty rod, tipped wonderful each bull, at 
 which more fierce the creatures bellowed, while 
 enchantment drear devoured their vitals. And 
 all had gone to wreck in more than mortal strife, 
 unless, like Neptune orient from the stormy deep, 
 I rose, e'en towering o'er the ruins of my fight- 
 ing troops. Serene and calm I stood, and gazed 
 around undaunted ; nor did aught oppose against 
 my foes impetuous. But sudden from chariot 
 purses plentiful of fudge poured forth, and scat- 
 tered it amain o'er all the crowd contending. As
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA USEN. -i 4 1 
 
 Vv'hen old Catherine or the careful Joan doth 
 scatter to the cliickens bits of bread andcrunibs 
 fragmented, while rejoiced they gobble fast the 
 proffered scraps in general plenty and fraternal 
 peace, and " hush,'* she cries, " hush I hush I "
 
 CHAPTER XXX. 
 
 The Baron arrives in England — The Colossus of Rhodes 
 comes to congratulate him — Great rejoicing on the Bar- 
 on's return, and a tremendous concert — The Baron's dis- 
 course with Fragrantia, and her opinion of the Tour to 
 the Hebrides. 
 
 AVING arrived in England once more 
 
 the greatest rejoicings were made for 
 
 my return ; the whole city seemed one 
 
 general blaze of illumination, and the Colossus 
 
 of Rhodes, hearing of my astonishing feats, came 
 
 on purpose to England to congratulate me on 
 
 such unparalleled achievements. But above all 
 
 other rejoicings on my return, the musical orato. 
 
 rio and song of triumph were magnificent in the 
 
 extreme. Gog and Magog were ordered to take 
 
 the maiden tower of Windsor, and make a tam» 
 (242)
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN. 243 
 
 bourlne or great drum of it. For this purpose 
 they extended an elephants hide, tanned and 
 prepared for the design, across the summit of the 
 tower, from parapet to parapet, so that in pro- 
 portion this extended elephant s hide was to the 
 whole of the castle what the parchment is to a 
 drum, in such a manner that the whole became 
 one great instrument of war. 
 
 To correspond with this, Colossus took Guild- 
 hall and Westminster Abbey, and turning the 
 foundations towards the heavens, so that the roofs 
 of the edifices were upon the ground, he strung 
 them across with brass and steel wire from side 
 to side, and thus, when strung, they had the ap- 
 pearance of most noble dulcimers. He then took 
 the great dome of St Paul's, raising it off the 
 earth with as much facility as you would a de- 
 canter of claret. And when once risen up it had 
 the appearance of a quart bottle. Colossus in- 
 stantly, with his teeth, cracked off the superior 
 part of the cupola, and then applying his lips to 
 the instrument, began to sound it like a trumpet. 
 'Twas martial, beyond description — tantara ! — ■ 
 iara — ta / 
 
 During the concert I walked in the park with
 
 244 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 Lady Fragrantia : she was dressed that morning 
 in a chemise a la reine. " I Hke," said she, " the 
 dew of the morning, 'tis delicate and ethereal, 
 and, by thus bespangling me I think it will more 
 approximate me to the nature of the rose [for 
 her looks were like Aurora] ; and to confirm the 
 vermilion I shall go to Spa." "And drink the 
 Pouhon spring," added I, gazing at her from top 
 to toe. " Yes," replied the lovely Fragantia, 
 "with all my heart; 'tis the drink of sweetness 
 and delicacy. Never were there any creatures 
 like the water-drinkers at Spa; they seem like 
 so many thirsty blossoms on a peach-tree, that 
 suck up the shower in the scorching heat. 
 There is a certain something in the water that 
 gives vigor to the whole frame, and expands 
 every heart with rapture and benevolence. They 
 drink ! good gods ! how they do drink ! and then, 
 how they sleep! Pray, my dear Baron, were 
 you ever at the Falls of Niagara 1 " " Yes, 
 my lady," replied I, surprised at such a strange 
 association of ideas ; " I have been, many years 
 ap-o, at the F"a]]s of Nia<>ara, and found no more 
 difficulty in swimming up and dovv'n the cataracts 
 than I should to move a minuet." At that mo-
 
 BARON MUXCJIAUSEN. 245 
 
 ment she dropped lier nosegay. " Ah," said she, 
 as I presented it to her, ' there is no great vari- 
 ety in these polyanthuses. I do assure you, my 
 dear Baron, that there is taste in the selection 
 of flowers as well as everything else, and were 
 I a girl of sixteen I should wearsome rose-buds 
 in my bosom, but at five-and-twenty I think it 
 would be more apropos to wear a full-blown rose, 
 quite ripe, and ready to drop off the stalk for 
 want of being pulled — heigh-ho!" "But 
 pray, my lady," said I, " how do you like the 
 concert t " " Alas ! " said she, languishingly, 
 while she laid her hand upon my shoulder, 
 " what are these bodiless sounds and vibration 
 to me } and yet what an exquisite sweetness in 
 the songs of the northern part of our island ; 
 ' Thou art gone awa' from me, Mary I ' How 
 pathetic and divine the little airs of Scotland and 
 the Hebrides ! But never never, can I think ol 
 that same Doctor Johnson — that constable, as 
 Fergus Mac Leod calls him — but I have an idea 
 of a great brown full-bottomed wig and a hogs- 
 head of porter 1 Oh, 'twas base 1 to be treated 
 everywhere with politeness and hospitality, and 
 in return invidiously to smellfungus them all
 
 246 ORIGINAL mAVMLS OP 
 
 over ; to go to the country of Kate of Aberdeen 
 of Auld Robin Gray, 'midst rural innocence and 
 sweetness, take up their plaids, and dance. Oh I 
 Doctor, Doctor ! " 
 
 ** And what would you say, Fragrantia, if 
 you were to write a tour to the Hebrides ? " 
 " Pfcace to the heroes," replied she, in a delicate 
 and theatrical tone ; " peace to the heroes who 
 sleep in the isle of lona ; the sons of the wave, 
 and the chiefs of the dark-brown shield! The 
 tear of the sympathizing stranger is scattered 
 by the wind over the hoary stones as she med- 
 itates sorrowfully on the times of old 1 Such 
 could I say, sitting upon some druidical heap 
 or tumulus. The fact is this, there is a right 
 and wrong handle to everything, and there is 
 more pleasure in thinking with pure nobility of 
 heart than with the illiberal enmities and 
 sarcasm of a blackguard."
 
 CHAPTER XXXI. 
 
 A litigated contention between Don Quixote, Gog, Mago 
 &c. — A grand court assembled upon it — The appearance 
 of the company — The matrons, judges, &c. — The method 
 of writing, and the use of the fashionable amusement 
 quizzes — Wauwau arrives from the country of Prester 
 John, and leads the whole Assembly a wild-goose chase 
 to the top of Plinlimmon, and thence to Virginia — The 
 Baron meets a floating island in his voyage to America 
 — Pursues Wauwau with his whole company through the 
 ceserts of North America — His curious contrivance to 
 seize Wauwau in a morass. 
 
 HE contention between Gog and Magog, 
 and Sphinx, Hilaro Frosticos, the Lord 
 Whittington, &., was productive of 
 infinite litigation. All the lawyers in the king- 
 dom were employed to render the affair as com- 
 
 (247)
 
 24S ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 plex and gloriously uncertain as possible ; and, 
 in fine, the whole nation became interested, and 
 were divided on both sides of the question. 
 Colossus took the part of Sphinx, and the affair 
 was at length submitted to the decision of a 
 grand council in a great hall, adorned with seats 
 on every side in form of an amphitheatre. The 
 assembly appeared the most magnificent and 
 splendid in the world. A court or jury of one 
 hundred matrons occupied the principal and 
 most honorable part of the amphitheatre ; thej'' 
 were dressed in flowing robes of sky-blue velvet, 
 adorned with festoons of brilliants and diamond 
 stars ; grave and sedate-looking matrons, all in 
 uniform, with spectacles upon their noses; and 
 opposite to these were placed one hundred 
 judges, with curly white wigs flowing down on 
 each side of them to their very feet, so that Sol* 
 omon in all his glory was not so wise in appear- 
 ance. At the ardent request of the whole empire 
 I condescended to be the president of the court, 
 and being arrayed accordingly, I took my seat 
 beneath a canopy erected in the centre. Before 
 every judge was placed a square inkstand, con- 
 taining a gallon of ink, and pens of a proportion
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA USEN. 2 .1 9 
 
 able size ; and also right before him an enormous 
 folio, so large as to serve for tabic and book at 
 the same time. But they did not make much 
 use of their pens and ink, except to blot and 
 daub the paper; for, that they should be the 
 more impartial, I had ordered that none but the 
 blind sliould be honored with the employment : 
 so that when they attempted to write anything, 
 they uniformly dipped their pens into the ma- 
 chine containing sand, and having scrawled over 
 a page as they thought, desiring them to dry it 
 with sand, would spill half a gallon of ink upon 
 the paper, and thereby daubing their fingers, 
 would transfer the ink to their face whenever 
 they leaned their cheek upon their hand for 
 greater gravity. As to the matrons, to prevent 
 an eternal prattle that would drown all manner 
 of intelligibility, I found it absolutely necessary 
 to sew up their mouths ; so that between the 
 blind judges and the dumb matrons methought 
 the trial had a chance of being terminated sooner 
 than it otherwise Vv'ould. The matrons, instead 
 of their tongues, had other instruments to convey 
 their ideas : each of them had three quizzes, one 
 quiz pendant from the string that sewed up her
 
 2 50 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 mouth to another quiz in either hand. When 
 she wished to express her negative, she darted 
 and recoiled the quizzes in her right and left 
 hand; and when she desired to express her 
 affirmative, she, nodding, made the quiz pendant 
 from her mouth flow down and recoil acjain. 
 The trial proceeded in this manner for a long 
 time, to the admiration of the whole empire, 
 when at length I thought proper to send to my 
 old friend and ally, Prester John, entreating him 
 to forward to me one of the species of wild and 
 '"'jrious birds found in his kingdom, called a 
 Wauwau. This creature was brought over the 
 great bridge before mentioned, from the interior 
 of Africa, by a balloon. The balloon was placed 
 upon the bridge, extending over the parapets on 
 each side, with great wings or oars to assist its 
 velocity, and under the balloon was placed pen- 
 dant a kind of a boat, in which were the persons 
 to manage the steerage of the machine, and pro- 
 tect Wauwau. This oracular bird, arriving in 
 England, instantly darted through one of the 
 windows of the great hall, and perched upon the 
 canopy in the centre, to the admiration of all 
 present. Her cackling appeared quite prophetic
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA USEN. 2 5 1 
 
 and oracular ; and the first question proposed to 
 h'lx by the unanimous consent of the matrons 
 and judges was, Whether or not the Moon was 
 composed of green cheese ? The solution of this 
 question was deemed absolutely necessary be 
 fore they could proceed further on the trial. 
 
 Wauwau seemed in figure not very much 
 differing from a swan, except that the neck was 
 not near so long, and she stood after an admir- 
 able fashion like the Vestris. She beoan cack- 
 ling most sonorously, and the whole assembly 
 agreed that it was absolutely necessary to catch 
 "her, and having her in their Immediate posses- 
 sion, nothing more would be requisite for the 
 termination of this litisrated affair. For this 
 purpose the whole house rose up to catch her, 
 and approached in tumult, the judges brandish- 
 ing their pens, and shaking their big wigs, and 
 the matrons quizzing as much as possible in 
 every direction, which very much startled Wau- 
 wau, who, clapping her wings, instantly flew 
 out of the hall. The assembly began to proceed 
 after her In order and style of precedence, to- 
 gether with my whole train of Gog and Magog, 
 Sphinx, Hilaro Frosticos, Queen Mab's chariot,
 
 252 ORIG INALTRAVELS OF 
 
 the bulls and crickets, &c., preceded by bands oi 
 music ; while Wauwau, descending on the earth, 
 ran on like an ostrich before the troop, cackling 
 all the way. Thinking suddenly to catch this 
 ferocious animal, the judges and matrons would 
 suddenly quicken their pace, but the creature 
 would as quickly outrun them, or sometimes fly 
 away for many miles together, and then alight 
 to take breath until we came within sight of her 
 again. Our train journeyed over a most pro- 
 digious tract of country in a direct line,- over hills 
 and dales, to the summit of Plinlimmon, where 
 we thought to have seized Wauwau, but s?xe in 
 stantly took flight, and never ceased until shj 
 arrived at the mouth of the Potomac river in 
 Virginia. 
 
 Our company immediately embarked in the 
 machines before described, in which v\e had 
 journeyed into Africa, and after a few davs' sail 
 arrived in North America. We met with nothing 
 curious on our voyage, except a floating island, 
 containing some very delightful villages, inhab- 
 ited by a few whites and negroes ; the sugar cane 
 did not thrive there well, on account, at; I was 
 informed, of the variety of the climates; the
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA USEN, 2 5 3 
 
 island being sometimes driven up as far as the 
 north pole, and at other times wafted under the 
 equinoctial. In pity to the poor islanders, I got 
 a huge stake of iron, and driving it through the 
 centre of the island, fastened it to the rocks and 
 mud at the bottom of the sea, since which time 
 the island has become stationary, and is well 
 known at present by the name of St. Christo- 
 pher's, and there is not an island in the world 
 more secure. 
 
 Arriving in North America, we were received 
 by the President of the United States with 
 every honor and politeness. He was pleased 
 to give us all the information possible relative 
 to the woods and immense regions of America, 
 and ordered troops of the different tribes of the 
 Esquimaux to guide us through the forests in 
 pursuit of Wauwau, who, we at length found, 
 had taken refuge in the centre of a morass. 
 The inhabitants of the country, who loved 
 hunting, were much delighted to behold the 
 manner in which we attempted to seize upon 
 Wauwau ; the chase was noble and uncommon. 
 I determined to surround the animal on every 
 side, and for this purpose ordered the judges and
 
 254 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 matrons to surround the morass with nets extend- 
 ing a mile in height, on various parts of wh»ch 
 net the company disposed themselves, floating in 
 the air like so many spiders upon their cobwtbs. 
 Magog, at my command, put on a kind of armor 
 that he had carried with him for the purpose, 
 corslet of steel, with gauntlets, helmets, etc., so 
 as nearly to resemble a mole. He instantly 
 plunged into the earth, making way with his 
 sharp steel head-piece, and tearing up the ground 
 with his iron claws, and found not much dlf^culty 
 therein, as morass in general is of a soft and 
 yielding texture. Thus we hoped to undermine 
 Wauwau, and suddenly rising, seize her by the 
 foot, while his brother Gog ascended the air in a 
 balloon, hoping to catch her if she should escape 
 Magog. Thus the animal was surrounded on 
 every side, and at first was very much terrified, 
 knowing not which way she had best to go. At 
 length hearing an obscure noise under ground, 
 Wauwau took flight before Magog could have 
 time to catch her by the foot. She flew to the 
 right, then to the left, north, east, west, and 
 south, but found on every side the company pre- 
 pared upon their nets. At length she flew right
 
 ^Ak ON MUNCHA US£:]Sf. 255 
 
 Up, soaring at a most astonishing rate towards 
 the sun, while the company on every siac set up 
 one general acclamation. But Gog in his balloon 
 soon stopped Wauwau in the mid^t of her career, 
 and snared her in a net, the cords of which he 
 continued to hold in his hand. Wauwau did 
 not totally lose her presence of mind, but, after 
 a little consideration, made several violent darts 
 against the volume of the balloon ; so fierce, as 
 at length to tear open a great space, on which 
 the inflammiable air rushing out, the whole appa- 
 ratus beG:an to tumble to the earth with amazinsf 
 rapidity. Gog himself was thrown out of the 
 vehicle, and letting go the reins of the net, Wau 
 wau got liberty again, and flew out ot sight in 
 an instant. 
 
 Gog had been above a mile elevated trom the 
 earth when he began to fall, and as he advanced 
 the rapidity increased, so that he went like a ball 
 from a cannon into the morass, and his nose 
 striking against one of the iron-capped hands of 
 his brother Magog, just then rising from the 
 depths, he began to bleed violently, and, but for 
 the softness of the morass, would have lost 
 his life.
 
 CHAPTER XXXII. 
 
 The Baron harangues the company, and they continue the 
 pursuit — The Baron, wandering from his retinue, is 
 taken by the savages, scalped and tied to a stake to be 
 roasted, but he contrives to extricate himself, and kills 
 the savages — The Baron travels overland through the 
 forests of North America to the confines of Russia — 
 Arrives at the castle of the Nareskin Rowskimowmow- 
 sky, and gallops into the kingdom of Loggerheads — A 
 battle, in which the Baron fights the Nareskin in single 
 combat, and generously gives him his life — Arrives at 
 the Friendly Islands and discourses with Omai — The 
 Baron, with all his attendants, goes from Otaheite to the 
 Isthmus of Darien, and having cut a canal across the 
 Isthmus, returns to England. 
 
 Y friends, and very learned and pro- 
 found Judiclarii," said I, " be not dis- 
 heartened that Wauvvau has escaped 
 from you at present : persevere, and we shall yet 
 
 succeed. You should never despair, Munchausen 
 (256>
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN. 257 
 
 being your general ; and therefore be brave, be 
 courageous, and fortune shall second your en- 
 deavors. Let us advance undaunted in pursuit, 
 and follow the fierce Wauwau even three times 
 round the globe, until we entrap her." 
 
 My words filled them with confidence and 
 valor, and they unanimously agreed to continue 
 the chase. We penetrated the frightful deserts 
 and gloomy woods of America, beyond the source 
 ■)f the Ohio, through countries utterly unknown 
 before. I frequently took the diversion of shoot- 
 ing in the woods, and one day that I hiappened 
 with three attendants to wander far from our 
 troop, we were suddenly set upon by a number 
 of savages. As we had expended our powder 
 and shot, and happened to have no side arms, it 
 was in vain to make any resistance against hun- 
 dreds of enemies. In short, they bound us, and 
 made us walk before them to a gloomy cavern in 
 a rock where they feasted upon what game they 
 had killed, but which, not being sufficient, they 
 took my three unfortunate companions and my- 
 self, and scalped us. The pain of losing the flesh 
 from my head was niost horrible ; it made me 
 leap in agonies, and roar like a bull. They then 
 
 \
 
 258 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 tied us to stakes, and making great fires around 
 us, besfan to dance in a circle, sino-ino; with much 
 distortion and barbarity, and at times putting the 
 palms of their hands to their mouths set up the 
 war-whoop. As they had on that day also made 
 a great prize of some wine and spirits belonging 
 to our troop, these barbarians, finding it delicious, 
 and unconscious of its intoxicating quality, began 
 to drink it in profusion, while they beheld us 
 roasting, and in a very short time they were all 
 completely drunk, and fell asleep around the fires. 
 Perceiving some hopes, I used most astonishing 
 efforts to extricate myself from the cords with 
 which I was tied, and at length succeeded. I 
 immediately unbound my companions, and 
 though half roasted, they still had power enough 
 to walk. We sought about for the flesh that 
 had been taken off our heads, and having found 
 the scalps, we immediately adapted them to our 
 bloody heads, sticking them on with a kind of 
 glue of a sovereign quality, that flows from a 
 tree in that country, and the parts united and 
 healed in a few hours. We took care to revenge 
 ourselves on the savages, and with their own 
 hatchets put every one of them to death. We
 
 £AR O.V MUNCH A USEN. 2tfy 
 
 then returned to our troop, who had given us up 
 for lost, and they made great rejoicings on our 
 return. We now proceeded in our journey 
 through this prodigious wilderness, Gog and Ma- 
 gog acting as pioneers, hewing down the trees, 
 &c., at a great rate as we advanced. We passed 
 over numberless swamps and lakes and rivers, 
 until at length we discovered a habitation at 
 some distance. It appeared a dark and gloomy 
 castle, surrounded with strong ramparts, and a 
 broad ditch. We called a council of war, and it 
 was determined to send a deputation M'ith a 
 trumpet to the walls of the castle, and demand 
 friendship from the governor, whoever he might 
 be and an account if aught he knew of Wauvvau. 
 For this purpose our whole caravan halted in the 
 wood, and Gog and Magog reclined amongst the 
 trees, that their enormous strength and size 
 should not be discovered, and give umbrage to 
 the lord of the castle. Our embassy approached 
 the castle, and having demanded admittance for 
 some time, at length the drawbridge was let 
 down, and they were suffered to enter. As soon 
 as they had passed the gate it was immediately 
 dosed after them, and on either side they per
 
 ?6o ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 ceived ranks of halberdiers, who made them 
 tremble with fear. " We come," the herald pro- 
 claimed, " on the part of Hilaro Frcsticos, Don 
 Quixote, Lord Whittington, and the thrice-re- 
 nowned Baron Munchausen, to claim friendship 
 from the governor of this puissant castle, and to 
 seek Wauwau." " The most noble the governor," 
 replied an officer, " is at all times happy to enter- 
 tain such travelers as pass through these im- 
 mense deserts, and will esteem it an honor that 
 the great Hilaro Frosticos, Don Quixote, Lord 
 Whittington, and the thrice-renowned Baron 
 Munchausen, enter his castle walls.'' 
 
 In short, we entered the castle. The gov- 
 ernor sat with all our company to table, sur- 
 rounded by his friends, of a very fierce and war- 
 like appearance. They spoke but little and 
 seemed very austere and reserved, until the 
 first course was served up. The dishes were 
 brought in by a number of bears, walking on 
 their hind-legs, and on every dish was a fricassee 
 of pistols, pistol-bullets, sauce of gunpowder and 
 aqua-vitas. This entertainment seemed rather 
 indigestible by even an ostrich's stomach, when 
 the governor addressed uSj and informed me that
 
 JiAR ON MUNCH A USEN. 20 1 
 
 It was ever his custom to strangers to offer them 
 for the first course a service similar to that be 
 fore us, and if they were inclined to accept the 
 invitation, he would fight them as much as they 
 pleased, but if they could not relish the pistol- 
 bullets, &c., he would conclude them peaceable, 
 and try what better politeness he could show 
 them in his castle. I short, the first course 
 being removed untouched, we dined, and after 
 dinner the governor forced the company to push 
 the bottle about with alacrity and to excess. He 
 informed us that he was the Nareskin Rovvski- 
 mowmowsky, who had retired amidst these wilds, 
 disgusted with the court of Petersburg. I was 
 rejoiced to meet him ; I recollected my old friend 
 whom I had known at the court of Russia when 
 I rejected the hand of the Empress. The 
 Nareskin, with all his knights-companions, drank 
 to an astonishing degree, and we all set off upon 
 hobby horses, in full cry, out of the castle. 
 Never was there seen such a cavalcade before. 
 In front galloped a hundred knights belonging to 
 the castle, with hunting horns and a pack of 
 excellent dogs ; and then came the Nareskin 
 Rowskimowmowsky, Gog and Magog, Hilaro
 
 «62 ORIGINAL T-RAVELS OF 
 
 Frosticos, and your humble servant, hallooing 
 and shouting like so many demoniacs, and spur- 
 ring our hobby horses at an infernal rate until 
 we arrived in the kingdom of Loggerheads. 
 
 The kingdom of Loggerheads was wilder than 
 any part of Siberia, and the Nareskin had here 
 built a romantic summer-house in a Gothic 
 taste, to which he would frequently retire with 
 his company after dinner. The Nareskin had 
 a dozen bears of enormous stature that danced 
 for our amusement, and their chiefs performed 
 the miiiuet de la cour to admiration. And here 
 the most noble Hilaro Frosticos thought proper 
 to ask the Nareskin some intelligence about 
 Wauwau, In quest of whom v/e had traveled 
 over such a tract of country, and encountered 
 60 many dangerous adventures, and also invited 
 the Nareskin Rowskimowmowsky to attend us 
 with all his bears In the expedition. The 
 Nareskin appeared astonished at the idea ; 
 he looked with Infinite hauteur and ferocity on 
 Hilaro, and affecting a violent passion, asked 
 him, " Did he imagine that the Nareskin Row- 
 skimowmowsky could condescend to take notice 
 of a Wauwau, let her fly what way she would?
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA USEN, 263 
 
 Or did he think a chief possessing such blood 
 In his veins could engage in such a foreign 
 pursuit? By the blood of all the bears in 
 the kingdom of Loggerheads and by the ashes 
 of my great great grandmother, I would cut off 
 your head 1 " 
 
 Hillaro Frosticos resented this oration, and in 
 short a general riot commenced. The bears, 
 together with the hundred knights, took the 
 part of the Nareskin, and Gog and Magog, 
 Don Quixote, the Sphinx, Lord Whittington, 
 the bulls, the crickets, the judges, the matrons^ 
 and Hilaro Frosticos, made noble warfare against 
 them. 
 
 I drew my sword, and challenged the Nareskin 
 to single combat. He frowned, while his eyes 
 sparkled fire and indignation, and bracing a 
 buckler on his left arm, he advanced against 
 me. I made a blow at him with all my force, 
 which he received upon his buckler, and my 
 sword broke short. 
 
 Unorenerous Nareskin! seeins: me disarmed, 
 he still pushed forward, dealing his blows upon 
 roe with the utmost violence, which I parried
 
 264 VKJGIAAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 with my shield and the hilt of my broken sword, 
 and fought Hke a game-cock. 
 
 An enormous bear at the same time attacked 
 me, but I ran my hand still retaining the hilt of 
 my broken sword down his throat, and tore up 
 his tongue by the roots. I then seized his 
 carcase by the hind legs, and whirling it over 
 my head, gave the Nareskin such a blow with 
 his own bear as evidently stunned him. I re- 
 peated my blows, knocking the bear's head 
 against the Nareskin's head, until, by one happy 
 blow, I got his head into the bear's jaws, and 
 the creature being still somewhat alive and 
 convulsive, the teeth closed upon him like nut- 
 crackers. I threw the bear from me, but the 
 Nareskin remained sprawling, unable to extri- 
 cate his head from the bear's jaws, imploring 
 for mercy. I gave the wretch his life : a lion 
 preys not upon carcases. 
 
 At the same time my troop had effectually 
 louted the bears and the rest of their adver- 
 saries. I was merciful, and ordered quarter to 
 be given. 
 
 At that moment I perceived Wauwau flying 
 at a great height through the heavens, and we
 
 BAR OX MUNCHA USEN, 261, 
 
 Instantly set out in pursuit of her, and never 
 stopped until we arrived at Kamschatka ; thence 
 we passed to Otaheite. I met my old acquaint- 
 ance Omai, who had been in Eugland with the 
 great navigator, Cook, and I was glad to find he 
 had established Sunday schools over all the 
 islands. I talked to him of Europe, and his 
 former voyage to England. " Ah ! " said he, 
 most emphatically, " the English, the cruel 
 English, to murder me with goodness, and refine 
 upon my torture — took me to Europe, and 
 showed me the court of England, the delicacy 
 of exquisite life : they showed me gods, and 
 showed me heaven, as if on purpose to make me 
 feel the loss of them." 
 
 From these islands we set out, attended by a 
 fleet of canoes with fighting-stages and the 
 chiefest v.'arriors of the islands, commanded by 
 Omai. Thus the chariot of Queen Mab, my 
 team of bulls, and the crickets, the ark, the 
 Sphinx, and the balloons, with Hilaro Frosticos, 
 Gog and Magog, Lord Whittington, and the 
 Lord Mayor's show, Don Quixote, &c., with my 
 fleet of canoes, altogether cut a very formidable 
 appearance on our arrival at the Isthmus of
 
 266 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OP 
 
 Darien. Sensible of what general benefit it 
 would be to mankind, I immediately formed a 
 plan of cutting a canal across the isthmus from 
 sea to sea. 
 
 For this purpose I drove my chariot with the 
 greatest impetuosity regeatedly from shore to 
 shore, in the same track, tearing up the rocks 
 and earth thereby, and forming a tolerable bed 
 for the water. Gog and Magog next advanced 
 at the head of a million of people from the 
 realms of North and South America, and from 
 Europe, and with infinite labor cleared away the 
 earth, &c., that I had ploughed up with • my 
 chariot. I then again drove my chariot, making 
 the canal wider and deeper, and ordered Gog 
 and Magog to repeat their labor as before. 
 The canal being a quarter of a mile broad, and 
 three hundred yards in depth, I thought it sufifi- 
 cient, and immediately let in the waters of the 
 sea. I did imagine, that from the rotatory 
 motion of the earth on its axis from west to 
 east, the sea would be hiQ-her on the eastern 
 than the western coast, and that on the uniting 
 of the two seas there would be a strong current 
 from the east, and it happened just as I ex-
 
 BAIi ON MUNCH A USEN. ^ 67 
 
 pected. The sea came in with tremendous 
 magnificence, and enlarged the bonds of the 
 canal, so as to make a passage of some miles 
 broad from ocean to ocean, and make an island 
 of South America. Several sail of trading ves- 
 sels and men-of-war sailed through this new 
 channel to the South Seas, China, &c., and 
 saluted me with all their cannon as they 
 passed. 
 
 I looked through my telescope at the Moon, 
 and perceived the philosophers there in great 
 commotion. They could plainly discern the 
 alteration on the surface of our globe, and 
 thought themselves somehow interested in the 
 enterprise of their fellow-mortals in a neigh- 
 boring planet. They seemed to think it admira- 
 ble that such little beings as we men should 
 attempt so magnificent a performance, that 
 would be observable even in a separate would. 
 
 Thus having wedded the Atlantic Ocean to 
 the South Sea, I returned to England, and 
 found Wauwau precisely in the very spot whence 
 she had set out, after having led us a chase ail 
 round the world.
 
 CHAPTER XXXIII. 
 
 The Baron goes to Petersburg and converses with the 
 Empress — Persuades the Russians and Turks to cease 
 cutting one another's throats, and in concert cut a canal 
 across the Isthmus of Suez — The Baron discovers the 
 Alexandrine Library, and meets with Hermes Trisme- 
 gistus — Besieges Seringapatam, and challenges Tippoo 
 Saib to single combat — They fight — The Baron receives 
 some wounds on his face, but at length vanquishes the 
 tyrant — The Baron returns to Europe, and raises the hull 
 of the Royal George. 
 
 EIZED with a fury of canal cutting, I 
 took it in my head to form an imme- 
 diate commumcation between the 
 Mediterranean and the Red Sea, and therefore 
 set out for Petersburg. 
 The sanguinary ambition of the Empress would 
 
 not Hsten to my proposals, until I took a private 
 
 (268)
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA US EN. 2 (.9 
 
 Opportunity, taking a cup of coffee with her 
 Majesty, to tell her that I would absolutely sac- 
 rifice myself for the general good of mankind, 
 and if she would accede to my proposals, would, 
 on the completion of the canal, ipso facto, give 
 her my hand in marriage I 
 
 " My dear, dear, Baron," said she, " I accede to 
 everything you please, and agree to make peace 
 with the Porte on the conditions you mention. 
 And," added she, rising with all the majesty of 
 the Czarina, Empress of half the world, " be it 
 known to all subjects, that we ordain these con- 
 ditions for such is our royal will and pleasure." 
 
 I now proceeded to the Isthmus of Suez, at 
 the head of a million of Russian pioneers, and 
 there united my forces with a million of Turks, 
 armed with shovels and pickaxes. They did not 
 come to cut each other's throats, but for their 
 mutual interest, to facilitate commerce and civil- 
 ization, and pour all the wealth of India by a new 
 channel into Europe. " My brave fellows," said 
 I, " consider the Immense labor of the Chinese to 
 build their celebrated wall ; think of what supe- 
 rior benefit to mankind is our present undertak- 
 ing; persevere, and fortune will second your
 
 «7o ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 endeavors. Remember it is Munchausen who 
 leads you on, and be convinced of success." 
 
 Saying these words, I drove my chariot with 
 all my might In my former track, that vestige 
 mentioned by the Baron de Tott, and when I 
 was advanced considerably, I felt my chariot 
 sinking under me. I attempted to drive on, but 
 the ground, or rather Immense vault, giving way, 
 my chariot and all went down precipitately. 
 Stunned by the fall, I was some moments before 
 I could recollect myself, when at length, to my 
 amazement, I perceived myself fallen into the 
 Alexandrine Library, overwhelmed in an ocean 
 of books; thousands of volumes came tumbling 
 on my head amidst the ruins of that part of the 
 vault through which my chariot had descended, 
 and for a time buried my bulls and all beneath a 
 heap of learning. However, I contrived to extri- 
 cate myself, and advanced with awful admiration 
 through the vast avenues of the library. I per- 
 ceived on every side innumerable volumes and re- 
 positories of ancient learning, and all the science 
 of the Antediluvian world. Here I met with 
 Hermes Trismeglstus, and a parcel of old philos- 
 ophers debating upon the politics and learning
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A (/SEN. 27 1 
 
 of their days. I gave them inexpressible deh'ght 
 in telHngthem, in a few words, all the discoveries 
 of Newton, and the history of the world since 
 their time. These gentry, on the contrary, told 
 me a thousand stories of antiquity that some of 
 our antiquarians would give their very eyes to 
 hear. 
 
 In short, I ordered the library to be preserved, 
 and I intend making a present of it, as soon as it 
 arrives in England, to the Royal Society, to- 
 gether with Hermes Trismegistus, and half a 
 dozen old philosophers. I have got a beautiful 
 cage made, in which I keep these extraordinary 
 creatures, and feed them with bred and honey, 
 as they seem to believe in a kind of doctrine of 
 transmigration, and will not touch flesh. Hermes 
 Trismegistus especially is a most antique-looking 
 being, with a beard half a yard long, covered with 
 a robe of gold and embroidery, and prates like 
 a parrot. He will cut a very brilliant figure in 
 the Museum. 
 
 Having make a track witn my chariot from 
 sea to sea, I ordered my Turks and Russians to 
 begin, and in a few hours we had the pleasure of 
 seeing a fleet of British East Indiamen in full
 
 <72 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 sail through the canal. The officers of this fleet 
 were very polite, and paid me every applause 
 and congratulation my exploits could merit. 
 They told me of their affairs in India and the 
 ferocity of that dreadful warrior, Tippoo Saib, on 
 which I resolved to go to India and encounter 
 the tyrant. I traveled down the Red Sea to 
 Madras, and at the head of a few Sepoys and 
 Europeans pursued the flying army of Tippoo to 
 the gates of Seringapatam. I challenged him to 
 mortal combat, and mounted on my steed, rode 
 up to the walls of the fortress amidst a storm of 
 shells and cannon-balls. As fast as the bombs 
 and cannon-balls came upon me, I caught them 
 In my hands like so many pebbles, and throwing 
 them against the fortress.demolished the strongest 
 ramparts of the place ; I took my mark so direct 
 that whenever I aimed a cannon-ball or a shell 
 at any person on the ramparts I was sure to hit 
 him : and one time perceiving a tremendous piece 
 of artillery pointed against me, and knowing the 
 ball must be so great it would certainly stun me, 
 I took a small cannon-ball, and just as I per- 
 ceived the engineer going to order then to fire, 
 and opening his mouth to give the word of com*
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA USEN, 273 
 
 mand, I took aim and drove my ball precisely 
 down his throat, 
 
 Tippoo, fearing that all would be lost, that a 
 general and successful storm would ensue it I 
 continued to batter the place, came forth upon 
 his elephant to fight me ; I saluted him, and in- 
 sisted he should fire first. 
 
 Tippoo, though a barbarian, was not deficient 
 in politeness, and declined the compliment; upon 
 which I took off my hat, and bowing, told him 
 it was an advantage Munchausen should never 
 be said to accept from so gallant a warrior : on 
 which Tippoo instantly discharged his carbine, 
 the ball from which, hitting my horse's ear, made 
 him plunge with rage and indignation. In return 
 I discharged my pistol at Tippoo, and shot off his 
 turban. He had a small field-piece mounted with 
 him on his elephant, which he then discharged 
 at me, and the grape-shot coming in a shower, 
 rattled in the laurels that covered and shaded me 
 all over, and remained pendant like berries on 
 the branches. I then advancing took the pro- 
 boscis of his elephant, and turning it against the 
 rider, struck him repeatedly with the extremity 
 of it on either side of the head, until I at length
 
 «74 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 dismounted him. Nothing could equal the ragt 
 of the barbarian finding himself thrown from his 
 elephant. He rose in a fit of despair, and rushed 
 against my steed and myself ; but I scorned to 
 fight him at so great a disadvantage on his side 
 and directly dismounted to fight him hand t<L 
 hand. Never did I fight with any man whft 
 bore himself more nobly than this adversary ; 
 he parried my blows, and dealt home his own in 
 return with astonishing precision. The first blow 
 of his sabre I received upon the bridge of my 
 nose, and but for the bony firmness of that part 
 of my face, it would have descended to my 
 mouth. I still bear the mark upon my nose. 
 
 He next made a furious blow at my head, but 
 I, parrying, deadened the force of his sabre, so 
 that I received but one scar on my forehead, and 
 at the same instant, by a blow of my sword, cut 
 off his arm, and his hand and sabre fell to the 
 earth ; he tottered for some paces, and dropped 
 at the foot of his elephant. That sagacious ani- 
 mal, seeing the danger of his master, endeavored 
 to protect him by flourishing his proboscis 
 round the head of the Sultan. 
 
 Fearless I advanced against the elephant, de-
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA USEM. 275 
 
 sirous to take alive the haughty Tippoo Saib ; 
 but he drew a pistol from his belt, and discharged 
 it full in my face as I rushed upon him, which 
 did me no further harm than wound my cheek- 
 bone, which disfigures me somewhat under my 
 left eye. I could not withstand the rage and 
 impulse of that moment, and with one blow of 
 my sword separated his head from his body. 
 
 I returned overland from India to Europe 
 with admirable velocity, so that the account of 
 Tippoo's defeat by me has not as yet arrived by 
 the ordinary passage, nor can you expect to 
 hear of it for a considerable time. I simply 
 relate the encounter as it happened between the 
 Sultan and me ; and if there be any one who 
 doubts the truth of what I say, he is an infidel, 
 and I will fight him at any time and place, and 
 with any weapon he pleases. 
 
 Hearing so many persons talk about raising 
 the Royal George, I began to take pity on that 
 fine old ruin of British plank, and determined to 
 have her up. I was sensible of the failure of the 
 various means hitherto employed for the purpose 
 and therefore inclined to try a method different 
 trom any before attempted. I got an immense
 
 276 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 balloon, made of the toughest sail-cloth, and hav- 
 ing descended in my diving-bell, and properly se- 
 cured the hull with enormous cables, I ascended 
 to the surface, and fastened my cables to the bal- 
 loon. Prodigious multitudes were assembled to 
 behold the elevation of the Royal George, and as 
 soon as I began to fill my balloon with inflamma- 
 ble air the vessel evidently began to move : but 
 when my balloon was completely filled, she car- 
 ried up the Royal George with the greatest rapid- 
 ity. The vessel appearing on the surface occa- 
 sioned a universal shout of triumph from the 
 millions assembled on the occasion. Still the 
 balloon continued ascending, trailing the hull 
 after like a lantern at the tail of a kite, and in a 
 few minutes appeared floating among the clouds. 
 
 It was then the opinion of many philosophers 
 that it would be more difficult to get her down 
 than it had been to draw her up. But I con- 
 vinced them to the contrary by taking my aim 
 so exactly with a twelve-pounder, that I brought 
 her down in an instant. 
 
 I considered, that if I should break the balloon 
 with a cannon-ball while she remained with the 
 vessel over the land, the fail would inevitablv
 
 J3AR OiV M UA CilA U:SEN. 2 J 7 
 
 occasion the destruction of tlie Iiull, ana which, 
 in its fall, might crush some of the multitude; 
 therefore I thought it safer to take my aim when 
 the balloon was over the sea, and pointing my 
 twelve-pounder, drove the ball right through the 
 balloon ; on which the inflammable air rushed 
 out with great force, and the Royal George 
 descended like a falling star into the very spot 
 from whence she had been taken. There she 
 still remains, and I have convinced all Europe 
 cf the possibility of taking her up.
 
 CHAPTER XXXIV. 
 
 The Baron makes a speech to fhe National Assembly and 
 drives out all the members — Routs the fishwomen and 
 the National Guards — Pursues the whole rout into a 
 church, where he defeats the National Assembly, &c., 
 with Rousseau, Voltaire and Beelzebub at their head, 
 and liberates Marie Antoinette and the Royal Family. 
 
 ASSING through Switzerland on my 
 
 return from India, I was informed that 
 
 several of the German nobility had 
 
 been deprived of the honors and immunities of 
 
 their French estates. I heard of the sufferings 
 
 of the amiable Marie Antoinette, and swore to 
 
 avenge every look that had threatened her 
 
 with insult. I went to the cavern of these 
 
 Anthropophagi, assembled to debate, and grace 
 (278)
 
 BAR ON MUNCHA USEN. 279 
 
 Jully putting the hilt of my sword to my lips — 
 * I swear," cried I, " by the sacred cross of my 
 sword, that if you do not instantly reinstate 
 your king and his nobility, and your injured 
 queen, I will cut the one-half of you to pieces." 
 
 On which the President, taking up a leaden 
 inkstand, flung it at my head. I stooped to avoid 
 the blow, and rushing to the tribunal seized the 
 Speaker, who was fulminating against the Aris- 
 tocrats, and taking the creature by one leg, 
 flung him at the President. I laid about me 
 most nobly, drove them all out of the house, 
 and locking the doors put the key in my 
 pocket. 
 
 I then went to the poor king, and making my 
 obeisance to him — " Sire," said I, " your enemies 
 have all fled. I alone am the National Assem- 
 bly at present, and I shall register your edicts to 
 recall the princes and the nobility ; and in future, 
 if your majesty pleases, I will be your Parliament 
 and Council." He thanked me, and the amiable 
 Marie Antoinette, smiling, gave me her hand to 
 kiss. 
 
 At that moment I perceived a party of the 
 National Assembly, who had rallied with the
 
 2 So ORIG/NAI TRAVEL^ OF 
 
 National Guards, and a vast procession of fish- 
 women, advancing against me. I deposited 
 their Majesties In a place of safety, and with my 
 drawn sword advanced against my foes. Three 
 hundred fishwomen, with bushes dressed with 
 ribbons in their hands, came hallooing and roar- 
 ing against me like so many furies. I scorned to 
 defile my sword with their blood, but seized the 
 first that came up, and making her kneel down 
 I knighted her with my sword, which so terrified 
 the rest that they all set up a frightful yell 
 and ran away as fast as they could for fear of 
 being arlstocrated by knighthood. 
 
 As to the National Guards and the rest of 
 the Assembly, I soon put them to flight ; and 
 having made prisoners of some of them, com- 
 pelled them to take down their national, and put 
 the old royal cockade In its place. 
 
 I then pursued the enemy to the top of a hill, 
 where a most noble edifice dazzled my sight ; 
 noble and sacred It was, but now converted to 
 the vilest purposes, their monument de grands 
 kommes, a Christian church that these Saracens 
 had perverted Into abomination. T burst open 
 the doors, and entered sword in hand. Here I
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A US EN. 2 S i 
 
 observed all the National Assembly marching 
 round a great altar erected to Voltaire ; there 
 was his statue in triumph, and the fishwomen 
 with garlands decking it, and singing " Ca ira ! " 
 I could bear the sight no longer ; but rushed 
 upon these pagans, and sacrificed them by dozens 
 on the spot. The members of the assembly, 
 and the fishwomen, continued to invoke their 
 great Voltaire, and all their masters in this mon- 
 ument de grands hommes, imploring them to 
 come down and succor them against the Aristo- 
 crats and the sword of Munchausen. Their 
 cries were horrible, like the shrieks of witches 
 and enchanters versed in magic and the black 
 art, while the thunder growled, and storms 
 shook the battlements, and Rousseau, Voltaire, 
 and Beelzebub appeared, three horrible spectres ; 
 one all meagre, mere skin and bone, and cadav- 
 erous, seemed death, that hideous skeleton ; it 
 was Voltaire, and in his hand were a lyre and a 
 dagger. On the other side was Rousseau, with a 
 chalice of sweet poison in his hand, and between 
 them was their father Beelzebub. 
 
 I shuddered at the sight, and with ail the
 
 282 ORIGINAL TRAVELS OF 
 
 enthusiasm of rage, horror and piety, rushed 
 in among them. I seized that cursed skeleton, 
 Voltaire, and soon compelled him to renounce 
 all the errors he had advanced; and while he 
 spoke the words, as If by magic charm, the 
 whole assembly shrieked, and their pandemo- 
 nium began to tumble in hideous ruin on their 
 heads. 
 
 I returned In triumph to the palace, where the 
 Queen rushed into my arms, weeping tenderly, 
 *' Ah, thou flower of nobility," cried she, " were 
 all the nobles of France like thee, we should 
 never have been brought to this ! " 
 
 I bade the lovely creature dry her eyes, and 
 with the King and Dauphin asc6nd my carriage 
 and drive post to Mont-Medi, as not an Instant 
 was to be lost. They took my advice and drove 
 away. I conveyed them within a few miles of 
 Mont-Medi, when the King, thanking me for 
 /ny assistance, hoped I would not trouble myself 
 any farther, as he was then, he presumed, out of 
 danger ; and the queen also, with tears In her 
 eyes thanked me on her knees, and presented 
 the Dauphin for my blessing. In short, I left
 
 BAR ON MUNCH A USEN 283 
 
 the King eating a mutton-chop. I advised him 
 not to delay, or he would certainly be taken, and 
 setting spurs to my horse, wished them a good 
 evening and returned to England. If the King 
 remained too long at table, and was taken, it 
 was not my fault.
 
 CENTRAL UNIVER^ 
 University of Califor; 
 
 DATE DUh 
 
 1 1 1978 
 01978 
 
 -i
 
 AA 001 001 805 9 
 
 CENTRAL UNIVERSITY LIBRARY 
 University of California, Saji Diego 
 
 DATE DUE 
 
 nrni i 1070 
 
 
 1111 ;^ 01978 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 CI 39 
 
 UCSD Libr.