HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS BY JOHN LEECH FOUR HUNDRED HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS BY JOHN LEECH With Portrait and Biographical Sketch SECOND EDITION LONDON SIMPKIN, MARSHALL, HAMILTON, KENT & CO GLASGOW: THOMAS D. MORISON BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH. JOHN LEECH was born in London, on the 2Qth August, 1817, His father, John Leech, was an Irishman, a man of fine culture, and a good Shakespearean. scholar. He was the landlord of the London Coffee House on Ludgate Hill, one of the most important of the city hotels at that time. For a while the father was successful in his vocation, but ultimately, through financial embarrassment, was obliged to give up the hotel. The father was a man of real ability, possessing considerable skill with the pencil, and from him, no doubt, the son inherited his special talent. And, again, on the mother's side there was relationship with the great scholar Richard Bentley, so that on both sides of the house young Leech had considerable advantages so far as mental heredity was concerned. At a very early age the mother observed the extraordinary aptitude for drawing that her boy possessed, and did all in her power to encourage it. When young Leech was only three years old, he was found by the family friend, the great artist, Flax man, seated on his mother's knee, drawing with much gravity. The sculptor pronounced his sketch to be remarkable, and gave the following advice : " Do not let him be cramped with lessons in drawing, but let his genius follow its own bent. He will astonish the world." A few years after this, some more of the youthful artist's drawings were shown to the celebrated sculptor, and, after examination, he said " The boy must be an artist ; he will be nothing else or less." At seven, the boy was sent to Charterhouse. This early departure from home was, of course, a sore trial to the fond mother, who was bound up in her child, but, knowing that it was for her son's future welfare, she threw no obstacles in the way of his departure from home. She was, however, resolved that somehow she would see her child frequently. With this object she hired a room in one of the houses commanding a view of the playground, and there frequently she sat behind a blind, happy in getting an occasional glimpse of her boy sometimes at play, and sometimes strolling about in the grounds with his school mates. During his stay of nine years at Charterhouse, the boy did not distinguish himself in classical studies. Indeed, all that can be said, is that he acquired a thoroughly sound English education. He was, however, liked by everyone at school for his good temper and winning ways. Among his fellow pupils was the famous William Makepeace Thackeray, with whom he formed a warm friendship that lasted throughout life. At sixteen years of age, young Leech left Charterhouse, 2O1 8 BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH and, notwithstanding Flaxman's advice that the boy should follow the profession of an artist, his father put him to the medical profession at St. Bartholomew's, under Mr Stanley, the surgeon of the Hospital. After a time he was placed under Mr Whittle, an eccentric practitioner at Hoxton, and subsequently under Dr John Cockle, afterwards physician to the Royal Free Hospital. Throughout his various situations, young Leech become famous among his fellow students and friends for his extremely clever and, at the same time, always good-natured caricatures. He was for ever drawing scenes, characters, and incidents in daily life. About this time, young Leech's liking for horses probably received its first develop- ment, through his friendship with Mr Charles Adams. Mr Adams was the owner of two horses which it was his delight to drive tandem fashion, and in his excursions Leech was his constant companion. To this circumstance we are, no doubt, partially indebted for many of the clever bits of driving and country-road life depicted by the pencil of the artist. At this early period of his career, Leech made numerous life friendships with men who afterwards became distinguished. Notable among these men were Albert Smith and Percival Leigh, At eighteen years of age, Leech published his first work, entitled " Etchings and Sketchings by A. Fen, Esq." It was a small work of four quarto sheets. As he got more and more engrossed in artistic work, the young student seems to have gradually given up his medical studies, and to have resolved to live by his pencil. In course of time he turned his attention to lithography, and, having drawn pictures upon lithographic stones, he has been known to spend many a weary day in carrying such heavy stones from publisher to publisher in search of a buyer. But as his fame increased, the difficulty of getting remunerative employment rapidly diminished. A good deal of Leech's early work, among other things, was in connection with Bell's Life in London, the best- known sporting paper of the time. Here he was associated with Cruikshank, Madons, " Phiz," and Seymour. It was when at work for Bell's Life that he first imbibed a taste for held sports, which developed into a strong feature in his pictorial career. He joined the hounds in Herefordshire, where Millais became his fellow pupil in acquiring the arts of the chase. Among the schemes of drollery that our artist participated in about this time was the Comic Latin Grammar, Leigh contributing the text, and Leech the illustrations. This was followed by the Comic English Grammar, and likewise by the Children of the Mobility, a parody on a well-known work BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH 9 devoted to the serious glorification of our juvenile aristocracy. But in August of 1841 Leech began the great work of his life a work, indeed, which he never quitted but with life namely, his connection with Punch, The first number of Punch was issued on the i/th July, 1841, and Leech's first contribution to it appeared on the 7th August, in the fourth number. For about twenty years, it may be said, he was its leading spirit, and, by his contributions to its pages, got in all about ^40,000. Political caricatures he produced by the score, and held up to ridicule many of the absurd customs of the pretensious and exclusive sections of Society. Like Thackeray and Dickens, Leech detested snobbery in all walks of life, and depicted it unsparingly in a way that it never had been dealt with before. Week after week there flowed from his pencil an endless stream of scenes of high life and low life, of indoor life and street life, now of England, and then of foreign lands, and of all times, seasons, and occasions, as also numerous scenes of deer-stalking and fishing, and of horses and hounds, in all cases depicting whatever he undertook with extraordinary accuracy combined with infinite humour. Also, when social or national wrong called for grave censure, Leech knew how to administer it, not only without giving unneces- sary offence, but in the way best calculated to bring about reform and redress. In all circumstances he was essentially a humorist, and he found his most genial vocation in depicting life and character in the social circles he frequented. As a keen observer of the everyday life around him, he delighted to depict the corporation magnate, the artist, the medical student, the spendthrift, the policeman, the cab driver, the coster, the carman, and hundreds of other such phases of everyday life and character, seeing humour and drollery where others failed to observe anything but the commonest aspects of everyday monotony. Of course it should not be forgotten that, if Leech did great things for Punch, his connection with that journal gave him great opportunities, and brought him into the very forefront of British artists. He was considered the most successful humorist of the day, and his pencil was in constant request. In the course of years he became the illustrator of about eighty volumes. When it is realised that the sketches in Punch and the illustrations in these eighty volumes com- bined amount to some thousands in number, the mind is much impressed with the great amount of industry and application that Leech displayed throughout life. Even a tour to the Highlands, or to Ireland, or an outing to any portion of the country, was at all times turned to practical account for work later on. io BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH This incessant brain-work produced an extreme nervous sensitiveness In this state he was much affected by noise and \vas literally driven from his house in Brunswick Square by street music. He removed to Kensington, where he hoped to obtain a release from this annoyance by adopting a device of double windows. But he had no peace. He often intro- duced in the pages of Punch the barrel-organ nuisance. The public, however, at that time had no idea what these sketches from real life cost the artist. In 1864, Leech was ordered to take a holiday on the Continent. Upon his return to his London home in the autumn of the same year, although better in health, he was still strangely susceptible to noise. He spoke with more than his usual earnestness about the suffer- ings which the street organs gave him, and about the smallness of the sympathy which he received from people who had no weakness in the same direction. This extraordinary sensitive- ness to noise was only a secondary phase or symptom of the real ailment. The real malady from which he suffered was breast-pang, or spasms of the heart, a form of angina pectoris. Although it was necessary to warn Leech against all excite- ment, riding, quick walking, or overwork, it was not supposed that he was in immediate danger, and, if he could only find rest and quiet, great hopes were entertained of his recovery. However, the sad end came when quite unexpected. In the morning of the 2Qth of October, 1864, he spoke hopefully of the future to his wife. In a few hours afterwards he whispered into the same living ear " I am going," and fell into his father's arms in a faint. Three hours afterwards he expired. The news of his death went over the country with a dismal shock ; for in what house was John Leech not an inmate in one form or another ? Leech was tall, with an elegant figure, over six feet in height, graceful and gentlemanly in manner, with a fine head and a handsome face. In action he was nimble, vigorous, and yet gentle, capable of the heartiest mirth, and yet generally quiet. He was singularly modest, both as a man and an artist. The perpetual going to nature kept him humble as well as made him rich. His consideration, too, for others was apparent at all times, and the gentleness of his nature was remarkable. When it is considered that all these beautiful traits of character were accompanied by such extra- ordinary talent and wisdom, one is profoundly impressed with the greatness of the man. No wonder so many mourned when such a great, gentle, and graceful spirit passed away. It was a national loss, and as such was realised throughout the homes of the United Kingdom. CONTENTS Portrait of John Leech - Biographical Sketch ... Alarming Symptoms after Eat- ing Boiled Beef and Goose- berry Pie .... Great Want of Veneration - Something like a Holiday Innocent and Amusing Tricks for Beys .... Another ..... A London Gent Abroad - Unfeeling Observation Sailing versus Railways Innocence .... Never Satisfied ... Living in Hope ... Jealousy A Puzzling Order ... How to get rid of a Gratis Patient .... Hooking and Eyeing - - In for It Bless the Boy .... Pity the Sorrows of the Poor Police Speculators .... Preparations for War Early Beginnings ... May difference of opinion never alter Friendship ... The Test of Gallantry - Interesting scene during the Canvas for Mr. , not a hun- dred miles from - Mai-apropos .... A little bit of Hunting Alarming ..... An Impudent Minx ... Very Acute - - - - Men of Business ... Delicacy of the Season Unlucky .... Nothing like warm Bathing The Ruling Passion - Different People have Different Opinions .... The Alderman's Advice to his Son An Omnibus Incident Very Proper Diet for Warm Weather .... Mr. Verdant's attempt at Book- making .... Easily Satisfied - - - - The Chatalaine a really useful Present .... Domestic Bliss Rather Disappointing Domestic Bliss Time 3.30 ; Thermometer 30 degrees 20 21 22 2 3 24 25 26 2 7 28 2 9 3 3 1 3 2 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 4i 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 5 1 52 53 54 55 56 57 53 59 60 PAGE A Dumb Waiter 01 Murder Will Out - 62 Different People have Different Opinions - - - 63 Advice Gratis 64 Grandmamma is supposed to have given Tom some plums 65 The Rising Generation - - 66 Sour Grapes 67 Dog Days .... 68 Hall along of the Betting Offices 6c> A Romance of Roast Ducks - .70 Delicate 71 A Great Loss - - - - 72 Rather a Bad Look-out - 73 Curious Effect of Relaxing Air 74 Oh ! The Curtains 75 A Left-handed Compliment 76- Taken at his Word - - - 77 The Opera .... 78 Fishing off a Watering Place - 79 The Conservatory - - - 80 The Garret - - - - 81 Late Hours 82 No Place like Home when the family are at a Watering Place 83 A British Ruffian 84 Very Considerate - - - 85 Filling up the Census Paper - 86 Reward of Merit - - - Sv Doing a Little Bill ... 88 Alarming - - - - 89 Domestic Bliss .... go- Returning from the Seaside A Little Commission - - 91 A Jolly Dog -- - 92 A Bon-bon from a Juvenile Party 93 Throwing stones through ice - 94 True Respectability - - 95 A Young Gentleman and Scholar - - - - 96 Perfect Sincerity ; or Thinking Aloud 97 Perfect Sincerity ; or Thinking Aloud 98 Perfect Sincerity ; or Thinking Aloud ----- 99 No Doubt .... ioo Very Low People ... 101 A Weighty Matter ... 102 A Cheap Day's Hunting, No. i 103 A Cheap Day's Hunting, No. 2 104 A Cheap Day's Hunting, No. 3 ioq The Gentle Craft - - - 106 Apropos of Bloomerism - - 107 One of the Delightful Results of Bloomerism ... 108 Bloomerism in a Ball-room - 109 Barrack Life - - - -no- 12 CONTENTS Bon-bon from a Juvenile Party - Domestic Bliss - Solicitude .... Flunkeiana .... A Horrible Business Putting his foot in it Flunkeiana .... Flunkeiana .... Domestic Bliss ... Splendid Day with the Queen's - Domestic Bliss .... Domestic Bliss - Flunkeiana .... Flunkeiana .... Subject for a Picture Fishing off Brighton ... Flunkeiana .... An Enthusiastic Fisher - The Worst of Evening Parties Sporting Youth who has lost the Hounds .... A lapse of twenty minutes Sporting Youth returns Flunkeiana .... Domestic Bliss - The Opera .... How to Dress a Lobster - An Exclusive - Flunkeiana .... Snow-flakes, No. i - Snow-flakes, Xo -2. - - Snow-flakes, Xo. 3 - - The Hat-moving Experiment - A False Position Servantgalism ; or, What's to become of the Missusses? Servantgalism ; or, What's to become of the Missusses? Servantgalism ; or, What's to become of the Missusses? The Camp at Chobhan Hos- pitality .... The New Bonnet ... A Great Mental Effort Cruel A Caution to little boys at a Festive Season ... A Playful Creature - A Very Vulgar Subject Study of an Elderly Female Hailing the Last Omnibus - A Large Bump of Caution Latest from Paris ... A Serious Threat A Trifle the Matter with the Kitchen Boiler ... Competition .... Gammoning a Gent. ... Enter Mr. Bottles, the Butler - Flunkeiana a fact 129 130 Railway Smoking . . . How to get a Connection - Thinking Aloud . . . A Brutal Fellow A Delicious Sail off Dover Division of Labour - A Thorough Good Cook - Bottom Fishing - First Night in the New House No Offence - Matrimonial Solicitude Aquatics - Difference of Taste Teeth Extracted " By the Sad Sea Waves " Miss Brown kindly takes her cousin out fishrng - The Woman at the Wheel The Female of the Future How cool and nice these French- Polished floors are. But, Oh, Dear, How very Hard - Villikens in the Drawing Room Wise Man - Quite Safe - A Great Prospect - A Gorgeous Spectacle Something Like Sport Trade Delightful Out-door Exercise in Warm Weather - Servantgalism - Servantgalism - nit from the Mining Districts - liit from the Mining Districts - Servantgalism - Delightiul Privilege during Winter Months - Speaking from Experience Surprise for Tomkins All Right Sea-side Saturday Evening Serious for the Military - Fashions for Fast Men A Rare Treat .... Alas for the old Institutions - The Moustache Movement Wonderful Effect of Ether in a case of scolding wife Rather Awkward for Tompkins - Servantgalism ; or, W T hat's to become of the Missusses? Sailing Instructions - A Country Ball - After Partaking very Heartily - The Influenza How to Flatter a Gent. - Best Foot Foremost ... The Rising Generation Meeting His Half-way Consols at co PAGE 162 I6 3 164 l6 5 1 66 167 iod 169 170 i? 1 I 7 2 J 73 '74 75 176 '77 178 '79 i So 181 182 '83 184 185 186 187 1 88 185 190 191 192 194 1 9S 196 '97 198 199 200 2OI 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 2IO 211 212 2I 3 214 2I 5 CONTENTS PAGE Consols at 80 - - - - 216 A Brilliant Idea - - - 217 The Rising Generation - - 218 Prevention Better than Cure - 219 Honeymoon at Sea ... 220 A Real Difficulty - - - 221 A Case of Real Distress - - 222 Literal ..... 223 Good Security .... 224 On the Moors ... 425 Speaks for Himself ... 226 One of the Fine Arts - - 227 Table Rapping .... 2^8 A Good Education ... 229 The Finishing Touch to a Picture 230 Close of the Season - 231 Beginning Fires for the Winter Something wrong with the Chimney .... 232 An Association for the Advance- ment of Science on an Excur- sion 233 Business-Like .... 234 Jack Ashore - ' - 235 No News is Good News (?) - 236 Paterfamilias Superintends in Person the removal of the snow from the roof of his house 237 Pleasing Effect Below - - 238 The Battle of the Pianos - - 239 Delightful for Mother - - 240 A Caution during the Mistletoe Season to young men who wear sharp-pointed mous- taches .... 241 Scene Drawing Room - - 242 Friend, Doctor, and Wife - 243 A Visit tc the Antediluvian Reptiles at Sydenham - - 244 The Too Faithful Talbotype - 245 False Pretences ... 246 Another Bit from the Mining Districts .... 247 The Moustache Movement - - 248 Long Vacation .... 249 Agricultural .... 250 Flunkeiana - - - -251 The Ticket-Showing Nuisance 252 Scholastic .... 253 Pleasures of Housekeeping - 254 These Hats .... 255 Rather Alarming ... 356 Thinking Aloud ... 257 General Thaw and Bursting of the Water Pipes ... 258 Innocent Mirth .... 259 Frightful ..... 260 Bachelor Housekeeping - - 261 The Sensational ... Early in the Morning Moral Influence of Executions - No Consequence ... The First of September Two Aspects - The Police .... Women and Freemasonry - Did You Ever .... Awful result of giving a Season ticket to your wife - - - Such a Lark .... From the Mining Districts, an Attempt at Converting the Natives Moderate Terms ... Fine Business, indeed ! The 13 PAGE 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 2 73 2 74 Wretch ! Old Clothes .... Servantgalism .... How Disgreeable the Boys are - The Rising Generation Poor Muggins .... Our Little Friend Tom Noddy - Coarse, but Characteristic - Old Lady and Leveller A Perfect Wretch The Moustache Movement Life in London .... At the Crimea .... Friendly, but very Unpleasant - Keeping Step .... The Moustache Movement Too Bad Prudent Resolve ... Disgusting for Augustus Servantgalism .... Flunkeiana Rustica A Fact In Hope ..... Hope Rewarded ... Not to be Daunted - - - Hope and Fear - ... Most Provoking .... Never Say Die .... Marry on .300 a Year The Husband as he ought not to be Fair and Equal ... A Very Particular Party - Comparisons .... Good Looking .... A Cautious Bird ... Pleasing Delusion in re the Round Hats - Roasted Chestnuts ... " Where Ignorance is Bliss 'tis Folly to be Wise " Private Opinion ... CONTENTS Taken Aback - - - 315 Nicely Caught .... 316 Perfectly Dreadful - - -317 Cupid at Sea .... 318 Very Considerate - - -319 A Railway Collision A Hint to Station Masters ... 320 Patience Rewarded ... 321 A Sketch from the Stand at Scarboro' .... 322 Astounding Announcement from the Small Country Butcher - 323 Offended Dignity ... 324 Amateur Pantomine - - 325 Remarkable Occurrence - - 326 j Young Upholsterers ... 327 j The Valentine .... 328 i True Gallantry .... 329 j Self-Help 330 Startling Advice ... 331 i Early Responsibility - - 332 ! A Moral Lesson from the Nursery - - - - 333 The Bloated Aristocrat - - 334 Married for Money the Honeymoon .... 335 Under the Mistletoe - - 336 Alarming Proposition - - 337 ; Young Lady of the Period - 338 Serve Him Right ... 339 Everything in its Place - - 340 A Hint to Gentlemen - - 341 A Hint to Railway Travellers 342 Oh, Yes ; Of Course - - 343 The Quadrille in Hot Weather 344 The New Regulation Mess - 345 j A Painful Subject ... 346 Photograph Beauties - - 347 j The Opera, No. i - - - 348 ! The Opera, No. 2 - - - 349 j A Sketch at a Railway Station - 350 Hi' Art 351 Flunkeiana .... 352 Servantgalism ... 353 Symptoms of Hard Reading - 354 The Stout Lady - - - 355 , Head of the House, No. i - 356 Head of the House, No. 2 - 357 ; Milk versus Water ... 358 Thrilling Domestic Incident - 359 Very Artful Contrivance - - 360 , A Windy Day .... 361 ! Common Objects at the Seaside 362 Astonishing a Young One - 363 Awkward Predicament - - 364 A Notion of Pleasure - - 365 ', A Bad Time for John Thomas - 366 Learning to Swim ... On the Roof .... Nothing but Eating ... Lively for Jones ... Very Odd .... Wholesome Feast ... Of a very Studious Turn - A very green-eyed monster Juvenile Dissipation None but the Brave deserve the Fair Tit for Tat .... Solicitude .... Skeletons Great Minds Think Alike An elegant row about a machine What a Terrible Turk A Safe Convoy .... Impertinent Curiosity Tickled with a Straw Horrible Question after a Greenwich Dinner Touching Appeal ... A Great Mistake ... It's the Early Bird that Picks up the Early Worm Serious Thing for Brown The Moustache Movement The Beard .... Consolation .... Fortunate Fellows ... Pursuit of Pleasure ... A Domestic Extravaganza Sisterly Love .... Freezing .... A Peace Conference When Railway Companies fall out the Public derive the bene fit Quite True .... A Holiday .... Cold in the Head ... Touching .... A Fishing Adventure Self-Examination ... Delicate Test .... The Moustache Movement - Conclusive Table-Turning Ex- periment made at Greenwich The Farmyard ... A Suburban Delight Juvenile Etymology Portrait of the Old Party who rather likes Organ-grinding - An Injured Individual Practical Science ... A Shock 414 FOUR HUNDRED HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 17 ALARMING SYMPTOMS AFTER EATING BOILED BEEF AND GOOSEBERRY PIE. Little Boy " Oh Lor, Mar. I feel just exactly as if my jacket was buttoned." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS GREAT WANT OF VENERATION. Little Boy"\ say, Lobster, shall I go and fetch you a cab?" LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 19 SOMETHING LIKE A HOLIDAY. Pastry Cook ''What have you had, sir?" Boy " I've had two jellies, seven of them, and seven of them, and six of those, and four bath buns, a sausage roll, ten almond cakes and a bottle of Ganger beer." 20 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS INNOCENT AND AMUSING TRICKS FOR BOYS. An old lady is crossing the street, when a little boy shouts out " Hi!" at the top of his voice. The old lady starts and is greatly agitated, and imagines she is run over by an omnibus. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 21 ANOTHER. A little boy rushes past an old gentleman and " yowls " like a dog. The old gentleman is terrified beyond measure, think- ing a mad dog is going for him. 23 LEECH'S HUMOROUS- ILLUSTRATIONS A LONDON GENT ABROAD. London Gent. " Garcong, tas de corfee." Garcong "Bien, M'sieur would you like to see zee Times?"' London Gent ' Hang the feller ! Lor I wonder how he found out I was an Englishman !" LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 23 UNFEELING OBSERVATION. Vulgar Little Boy " Oh, look here, Bill ! Here's a poor boy bin and had the hinfluenza, and now he has broken out all over buttons and red stripes." 24 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS SAILING VERSUS RAILWAYS. Smith " Well, Brown, this is better than being stewed up in a railway Eh ? " Brown (faintly) " Oh, im-meas-urably su-perior." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 25 INNOCENCE. Little Boy " Oh, sir ! No, sir ! Please, sir, it aint me, sir ! It's the other boys, sir ! 26 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS NEVER SATISFIED. Old Gent. "Good gracious me! What with orangepeeF and slides, life is not safe." M^CH'S HUMOkOUS ILLUSTRATIONS 2? LIVING IN HOPE. Medical Student " Well, old fellow, so you've past at last ? " Consulting Surgeon " Yes ; but I don't get much practice, . somehow although I am nearly always at home in case any one should call." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS JEALOUSY. Betrothed (who does not dance the polka) " I should like to punch his head a conceited beast ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 20, A PUZZLING ORDER. " I'll trouble you to measure me for a new pair of boots." 1 30 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS HOW TO GET RID OF A GRATIS PATIENT. " So you have taken all your stuff and don't feel better. Eh ? Well, then, we must alter the treatment. You must get your head shaved ; and if you call here to-morrow at eleven, my pupil here will put a seton in your neck." BEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 31 HOOKING AND EYEING. Angelina (the wife of his bussum) "Well, Edwin, if you can't make the things, as you call them, meet, you need not swear so. It's really quite dreadful ! " 32 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS IN FOR IT. "Hallo, sir! Are you aware that you are trespassing there?" LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 33 BLESS THE BOY! Old Lady "Now, Arthur, what will you have some cf this nice pudding or some jam tart ? " Juvenile " No pastry, thank ye, aunt. It spoils one's wine so. I don't mind a devilled biscuit, tho', by and by, with my claret." 34 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS PITY THE SORROWS OF THE POOR POLICE. " Lor', Soosan ! how's a feller to eat meat such weather as this ? Now, a bit of pickled salmon and cowcumber, or a lobster salad, might do." BEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 35 !\ SPECULATORS. " This aint such a wery bad idea, is it, Jim ? Here's the stockbroker offers me 100 shares for five bob advance, and vants the name of my bank." 36 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS PREPARATIONS FOR WAR. " Oh ! if you plaze, zur, doant you want zome fine active- young men for the Fourth Light Dragoons ? " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 37 EARLY BEGINNINGS. Old Gentleman " I want some shaving soap, my good lad." Boy " Yes, sir ; here's an harticJe I can recommend, for I always use it myself." 38 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS MAY DIFFERENCE OF OPINION NEVER ALTER FRIENDSHIP. Dumpy Young Lady" Well, for my part, Matilda, I like long waists and short flounces." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 39 THE TEST OF GALLANTRY. Conductor " Will any gent be so good as for to take this young lady in his lap ? " 40 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS INTERESTING SCENE DURING THE CANVAS FOR MR. , NOT A HUNDRED MILES FROM . Wife of Free and Independent " Oh ! ain't he a haffable gentleman, Tummas ? " Free and Independent "Ah! just ain't 'im. I shouldn't \vonder if I warn't able to pay my rent to-morrer ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 41 MAL-APROPOS. Gentleman (in Shower Bath^ " Hollo ! Hollo ! Who's there? What the douce do you want?" Maid " If you please, sir, here's the butcher, and missus says, what will you have for dinner to-day?" 42 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A LITTLE BIT OF HUMBUG. Shoemaker " I think, mum, we had better make a pair. You see, mum, your's is such a remarkable long and narrer foot!" LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 43. /V.CIDF.HTS BY RAILWAY < LOSS * LIFE BROKEN UMBS LEG* ALARMING. The old lady is supposed (after a great effort) to have made up her mind .to travel, just for once, by one of those new- fangled railways, and the first thing she beholds on arriving. at the station is the above most alarming placard. 44 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS AN IMPUDENT MINX. Lady of the house " Hoity, toity, indeed ! Go and put up these curls directly, if you please. How dare you imitate me in that manner? Impertinence! LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 45 Mr- VERY ACUTE. -" So your name is Charley, is it now ? Charley doesn't know who I am ? " Sharp Little Boy "Oh, yes, but I do, though/' Mr " Well, who am I ? " Sharp Little Boy " Why, you're the gentleman who kissed sister Sophy in the library the other night, when you thought no one was there." 4 6 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS MEN OF BUSINESS. MONEY. Wanted, from ^,300 to ^"400, to bring forward an article that must in a few years realise a handsome fortune to the proprietors. To any young man who is not of business habits, with the above sum at command, this is an opportunity for investment seldom met with. References exchanged. No professed money-lender need apply. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 47 DELICACY OF THE SEASON. Testy Old Uncle (unable to control his passion) " Really, sir, this is quite intolerable ! You must intend to insult me. For the last fourteen days, wherever I have dined, I have had nothing but saddle of mutton and boiled turkey, boiled turkey and saddle of mutton. I'll endure it no longer." {Exit old gent, who alters his will. 48 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS UNLUCKY. " Vat's the matter, eh ?" " Oh, there's always a somethink. Vy, I Ye been and left my hopera glass in a cab now." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 49 NOTHING LIKE WARM BATHING. " Hollo ! Hi ! Here ! Somebody ! I've turned on the hot water, and I can't turn it off again !" 50 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE RULING PASSION. Now, tell me, dear, is there anything new in the fashions ?' LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS DIFFERENT PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS. Housebreaker " Wot a shame for people to go leaving coal-scuttles about for people to go stumbling over." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE ALDERMAN'S ADVICE TO HIS SON. Mr Gobble " You see, Sam, you are a werry young man, and when I am took away, you will have a great deal of property. Now I have only one piece of advice to give you. It's this lay dawn plenty of port in your youth, that you may have a good bottle of wine in your old age." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 53 AN OMNIBUS INCIDENT. Man (thrusting his hand into the window) " Will you buy -a knife with 100 blades ?" 54 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS VERY PROPER DIET FOR WARM WEATHER. Mrs Turtledove " Dearest Alfred, will you decide now what we shall have for dinner?" Mr Turtledove 11 Let me see, Poppet. We had a wafer yesterday ; suppose we have a roast butterfly to-day." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 55 MR. VERDANT'S ATTEMPT AT BOOKMAKING. Verdanfs Friend " Well, as near as I can make out, you must lose ,150, and may lose .300 ! " 56 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS EASILY SATISFIED. Fond Parent " I don't care, Mr Medium, about its being highly finished ; but I should like the dear child's expression preserved. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 57 THE CHATALAINE A REALLY USEFUL PRESENT. Laura " Oh, look, ma, dear ; see what a love of a chatelaine Edward has given me " 53 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS DOMESTIC BLISS. Mistress " Well I'm sure ! And, pray, who is this ?" Cook " Oh, if you please'm, it's only my cousin, who has just called to show me how to boil a potato." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 59- RATHER DISAPPOINTING. Page 11 Fancy dress ball, sir ! Yes, sir ; was last Thursday sir. 60 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS DOMESTIC BLISS. TIME 3.30. THERMOMETER 30 DEC. William "What a violent ringing there is at the street- door bell ! " Maria " Oh, I know what it is, dear. It's the sweeps, and I dare say the maids don't hear. Just run up and knock at their room door." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 61 A DUMB WAITER. Old Gentleman " What the deuce is the reason, sir, you don't answer when you are called ? " [The reason is obvious. The poor child has his mouth full of green peas and jam tart."] -62 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS MURDER WILL OUT. Mrs Smith " Is Mrs Brown in ? Jane " No, mem, she's not at home." Little Girl " Oh, what a horrid story, Jane ! ma's in the ."kitchen helping cook ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 63 DIFFERENT PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS. Flunkey" Apollo ? Hah! I dessay it's very cheap, but it aint my idea of a good figger ! " 64 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS ADVICE GRATIS. Ellen " Oh, don't tease me to-day, Charley ; I'm not at all well ! " Charley (a man of the world) " I tell you what it is, cousin ; the fact is, you are in love. Now, you take the advice of a fellow who has seen a good deal of that sort of thing, and don't give way to it." GRANDMAMMA IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE GIVEN MASTER TOM SOME PLUMS. Master Tom " Now, then, granny, I've eaten the plums, and, if you don't give me sixpence, I'll swallow the stones!" 66 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE RISING GENERATION. Torn 11 Ah, Bill, I'm quite tired of the dissipation of the gay and fashionable world. I think I shall marry and settle." ///_" Well, I'm sick of a bachelor's life myself^but I don't like the idea of throwing myself away in a hurry." BEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 67 SOUR GRAPES. Elderly Spinster " So you're going to be married dear, are you ? Well, for my part, I think nine hundred and ninety- nine marriages out of a thousand turn out miserably ; but of course everyone is the best judge of her own feelings." 68 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS DOG DAYS. Old Lady" John Thomas ! " John T/iomas" Yes, my lady ! " Old Lady "Carry Emeralda ; she's getting tired, poor darling." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 69 HALL ALONG OF THE BETTING OFFICES. Betting Flunkey " Lost ? I believe yer ! And lost a hat- ful of money on the hoaks, too; and how I'm to settle without parting with my jewellery I don't know. Ah, Mr Bottles, it's hard lines to wait at table with such cares and hanxieties ! " 70 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A ROMANCE OF ROAST DUCKS. " My darling, will you take a little of the a the stuffing ? "" " I will, dear, if you do ; but, if you don't, I won't." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 71 DELICATE. 'Bns Conductor " Would any lady be so kind as to ride outside to oblige a gentleman ? " 72 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A GREAT LOSS. Rapid Undergraduate Well, Jackson ! You see they've plucked me again/' Porter of St. Boniface " Ye'es sir, I was very sorry when I 'card of it, sir." Undergraduate " Ah ! I did intend going into the Church and being an ornament to the profession ; but, as they won't let me through, I think I shall cut the whole concern." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 73 RATHER A BAD LOOK-OUT. Young Sister " I should so like to go to a party, ma." Mamma " My dear, don't be ridiculous. As I have told you before (I am sure a hundred and fifty times), until Flora is married, it is utterly impossible for you to go out, so do not allude to the subject again, I beg." 74 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS CURIOUS EFFECT OF RELAXING AIR. \N.B. Mr So-and-So hopes by a strict attention to business- to merit a continuance of those favours, etc., etc.] Traveller (much excited) " Bless my heart ! there's the bell ringing on the pier. Holloa ! why, where's the carpet bag I left in the passage ? " Hotel Proprietor (faintly) " Oh, how should I know ? Don t ask me ; I'm only the landlord. You had better try if you can't wake one of the waiters." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 75. OH! THE CURTAINS. Objectionable Child " Lor, pa ! Are you going to smoke ? My eye ! Won't you catch it when ma comes home, foi makinsr the curtains smell." 76 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A LEFT-HANDED COMPLIMENT. Bootmaker (with great feeling) " Oh no, sir ! Don't have Napoleons ; have tops, sir ! Yours is a beautiful leg for a top boot, sir !" [Young Nimrod is immensely pleased]. " Beautiful leg, sir ! Same size all the way down, sir !" [Young Nimrod is immensely disgusted]. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 77 TAKEN AT HIS WORD. Uncle " So, you have been at the Crystal Palace, have you, Gus ?" Gus " Yes, uncle." Uncle " Well, now, I'll give you sixpence if you tell me what you admired most in that temple of industry." Gus " Veal and 'am pies and the ginger beer. Give us the sixpence." 78 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE OPERA. Boy-Keeper" Stalls 216 and 17. This way ; ma'am. Last row, ma'am." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 79 FISHING OFF A WATERING PLACE. Perhaps (?) the jolliest thing in the world. So LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE CONSEEVATORY. Genteel Sunday Observer " What the people can want with a crystal palace or a picture gallery on Sundays I can't think? Surely they ought to be content with their church and their home afterwards/ LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 81 THE GARRET. The other side of the subject. 82 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS LATE HOURS. As the servants are gone to bed, the master of the house endeavours to get a little bit of supper for himself, surprised at the amount of live stock on the premises. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 83 NO PLACE LIKE HOME, WHEN THE FAMILY ARE AT A WATERING PLACE. Old Party (who is taking care of the house) " Oh, yes sir. You will find the room nice and clean and I am sure the bed is haired for I have been an' slep in it, my own self -.every night." 84 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A BRITISH RUFFIAN. Lady 11 If you are not satisfied with what I have given you, there's a gentleman here who will settle with you." Cabman " No, there ain't ! There ain't no gentleman here!" Lady " I tell you there is. There is a gentleman in this house." Cabman '' Oh, no, there ain't, not if he belongs to you !" LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 85 VERY CONSIDERATF. Affable Little Gentleman " Dear, oh dear ! How it rains ! I'm afraid you'll get very wet can I offer you a great coat or anything ? " 86 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS FILLING UP THE CENSUS PAPER. Wife of his bosom "Upon my word, Mr Peewitt! Is this the way you fill up your Census ? So you call yourself the Head of the Family ' do you and me a female ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 87 REWARD OF MERIT. Ragged Urchin " Please, give dad a short pipe." Barman Can't do it Don't know him." Ragged Urchin " Why, he gets drunk here ever}- Saturday night" Barman "Oh! Does he, my little dear? Then 'ere's a nice long 'un, with a bit of wax at the end." DOING A LITTLE BILL. " You see, old boy, it's the merest form in the world. You have only to what they call accept it, and I'll find the money when it comes due." Victim " Come along give us the pen." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 89 ALARMING. Hairdresser " They say, sir, the cholera's in the hair, sir ! " Gent., very uneasy " Indeed ! Ahem ! Then I hope you are particular about the brushes you use." Hairdresser " Oh ! I see you don't hunderstand me, sir. I don't mean the 'air of the 'ed, but the hair hof the hatmosphere ' " 90 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS DOMESTIC BLISS. Domestic (soliloquising) "Well! I'm sure missus had better give this new bonnet to me, instead of sticking such a young-looking thing upon her old shoulders." (The impudent minx has immediate warning.) LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS RETURNING FROM THE SEA-SIDE. A LITTLE COMMISSION. " If you please, sir, Mrs General Slowcoach's compliments, and she says if you're going by the train this morning, she would feel partickler obliged by your taking charge of this little cask of sea-water as far as her 'ouse." Q2 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A JOLLY DOG. "'Look here, James ' Old missus is gone out of town, and I've got her beast of a dog wot's fed upon chickings to take care of. Won't I teach him to swim, neether." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 93. A BON-BON FROM A JUVENILE PARTY. First Juvenile "That's a pretty girl talking to young Algernon Binks ! " Second Juvenile " Hm Tol-lol ! You should have seen her some seasons ago." -94 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THROWING STONES THROUGH ICE. A delightful recreation for youth, which combines healthful -exercise with the luxury of window- breaking, without danger or expense. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 95 TRUE RESPECTABILITY. First Costermonger " I wonder a respectable cove like you, Bill, carries your own collyflowers ! Why don't yer keep a carridge like mine ? " Second Costermonger " Why don't I keep a carridge ! Why because I don't choose to waste my hincum in mere .show and fashionable display!" 96 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS b A YOUNG GENTLEMAN AND SCHOLAR. Fond Mother " Why, he doesn't write very well yet, but he gets on nicely with his spelling. Come, Alexander, what does D-O-G spell ! " Infant Prodigy (with extraordinary quickness). " Cat ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 97 PERFECT SINCERITY; OR THINKING ALOUD. Medical Man " Stupid old fool ! Why, there's nothing the matter with him, except what arises from his over-eating and drinking himself only I can't afford to telJ him so." 98 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS PERFECT SINCERITY; OR THINKING ALOUD. Mamma "You are a disagreeable old bachelor, and generally hate children, I know but isn't dear little Worm- wood a fine, noble little fellow?" Old Gent. " Well, if you want my candid opinion, I may as well tell you at once that I think him the most detestable little beast I ever saw and if you imagine I am going to leave him anything because you have named him after me, you are entirely mistaken." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 99 K^\L- F, vV-\\^'' J ^ N\V - PERFECT SINCERITY; OR THINKING ALOUD. " Are you going ? " " Why, ye-es. The fact is, that your party is so slow and I am weally so infernally bored, that I shall go somewhere and smoke a quiet cigar." " Well, good night, as you are by no means handsome a great puppy, and not in the least amusing, I think it's the .best thing you can do." 1OO LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS NO DOUBT. "Now I dare say Bill, that air beast of a dog is a gooc deal more petted, than you or I shall ever be LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 101 <- VERY LOW PEOPLE. Purveyor of Poultry " What sort of people are they at -number twelve, Jack ? " Purveyor of Meat " Oh! a rubbishin' lot. Leg o' mutton .a' Mondays, and 'ash an' cold meat the rest o' the week." 102 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A WEIGHTY MATTER. Cavalry Officer (who rides about five stone) " I'm dooced glad we are in the heavies, ain't you Charlie? It would be a horrid bore to be sent out to the Cape like those poor light Bobs." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 103 A CHEAP DAY'S HUNTING. No. I. First get your seasoned " screw." 104 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS * "i- .. A CHEAP DAY'S HUNTING. No. II. About four miles " down the road " get properly splashed at a public house. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 105 A CHEAP DAY'S HUNTING. NO. in. And return home smoking a cheroot, to the admiration of the populace 106 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE GENTLE CRAFT. Contemplative Man in Punt " I don't so much care about the snort, it's the delicious repose I enjoy so " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 107 APROPOS OF BLOOMERISM. No. i (who is locking at the print of the bloomer costume) " Well now, upon my word, I don't see anything ridiculous in it. I shall certainly adopt if No 2 " For my part, I so thoroughly despise conven- tionality, that I have ordered all my things to be made in that very rational style ! " io8 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS ONE OF THE DELIGHTFUL RESULTS OF BLOOMERISM. THE LADIES WILL POP THE QUESTION. Superior Creature'' Say ! Oh, say, Dearest ! Will you be mine? Dearest " Ask Mamma. BLOOMERISM IN A BALL-ROOM. Bloomer' 1 May I have the pleasure of dancing the next polka with you ? " IQ LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS BARRACK LIFE. First Heavy Swell (lately absent) " Well, Gus my boy how did you keep it up here on Christmas clay?" Second Do, " Oh it was terribly slow for all the world like a Sunday without 'Bell's Life' ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS in BON-BON FROM A JUVENILE PARTY. Doctor "Ahem! Well! And what's the matter with my young friend Adolphus ? " Fond Mother "Why, he's not at all the thing, Doctor. He was at a Juvenile party last night, where there was a twelfth cake ; and it pains me to say, that besides eating a great deal too much of the cake, he was imprudent enough to eat a harlequin and a man on horse-back, and, I am sorry to add, a Cupid and a birdcage from the top of it ! " H2 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS DOMESTIC BLISS. Head of tJie Family " For what we are going to receive make us truly thankful. Hem ! cold mutton again." Wife of his bussum "And a very good dinner too, Alexander. Somebody must be economical. People can't expect to have Richmond and Greenwich dinners out of the little house-keeping money I have." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 113 SOLICITUDE. Child {screams on without any stops} " Hanner Maria yer tiresome Haggerwatin' little ussy come out of the road do with yer little brother did yer want to be runned over by Omnibustes and killed dead oh dear oh dear who'd be a nuss ? " 8 n 4 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS FLUNKEIANA. Serious Flunkey " I should require, madam, Forty Pounds a year, two suits of clothes, two 'ats, meat and hale three times a day, and piety hindispensable." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 115 A HORRIBLE BUSINESS. Master Butcher " Did you take old Major Dumbledore's ribs to No. 12 ? " Boy " Yes, sir." Master Butcher " Then cut Miss Wiggles's shoulder and eck, and hang Mr Foodie's legs till they're quite tender!" n6 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS J, PUTTING HIS FOOT IN IT. Little Hairdresser (mildly) "Yer 'air's very thin on the- top, sir." Gentleman (of ungovernable temper) "My hair thin on the top, sir ? And what if it is ! Confound you, you puppy. do you think I came here to be insulted and told of my personal defects ? I'll thin your top ! ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 11; FLUNKEIANA. (Enter THOMAS, who gives warning?) Gentleman " Oh, certainly ; you can go of course ; but, as you have been with me for nine years, I should like to know the reason." Thomas " Why, sir, its my feelins. You used always to read prayers, sir, yourself and since Miss Wilkins has been here, she bin a'reading of 'em. Now I can't bemean myself .by sayin' ' Amen ' to a Guv'ness." US LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS FLUNKEIANA. Flunkey " How dare you bring me a steel fork, sir ! '* LEECH'S. HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 119 DOMESTIC BLISS. Servant Maid " If you please, mem, could I go out for half-an-hour to buy a bit of ribbin, mem?" 120 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS SPLENDID DAY WITH THE "QUEEN'S." First Sporting Snob " Well, Bill, what sort of a day have yer had ? " Second ditto. " Oh, magnificent, my boy ! I see the 'ounds several times ; and none of yer nasty 'edges an' ditches, cither ; but a prime turnpike road all the way." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 121 DOMESTIC BLISS. Wife of your Bussitm " Oh, I don't want to interrupt you, dear. I only want some money for baby's socks and to know whether you will have the mutton cold or hashed." 122 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS DOMESTIC BLISS. Scene THE KITCHEN. Cook "Who was that at the door, Mary ? " Mary " Oh ! Such a nice- j j s se en departing with what spoken gentleman with mous- greatcoats and other trifles Scene THE HALL. The nice-spoken gentleman tachers. He's a'writin a letter in the drawing room. He says he's a old schoolfeller of master just come from Ingia." he may have laid his hands uoon. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 123; FLUNKEIANA. Flunkey " I beg your pardon, sir but there is one thing" I should like to mention at once. I am afraid a that I am expected to clean the boots." Gentleman " Bless me ! Oh dear no ! There must b.t some mistake ; I always clean them myself, and if you will leave your shoes outside your door, I will give them a polish at the same time." 12/1 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS FLUNKEIANA. (Scene. A public-house in Bury St. Edmunds.) Country Footman meekly enquires of London Footman *' Pray, sir, what do you think of our town ? A nice place, ain't it ? " London Footman Condescendingly "Veil, Joseph I likes your town well enough. It's clean ; your streets are hairy ; and you have lots of Rewins. But I don't like your champagne ; it's all Gowsberry." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 125 SUBJECT FOR A PICTURE. Irritable Gentleman disturbed by a bluebottle. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS . FISHING OFF BRIGHTON. ' Oh yes ! It's very easy to say ' Catch hold of him ! ' ' LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 127 FLUNKEIANA. Lady " You wish to leave Really it's very inconvenient Pray have you an}' reason to be dissatisfied with your place ? " Flunkey 'Oh, dear no, Ma'arn not dissatisfied exactly. But a the fact is, Ma'am, you don't keep no wehicle, and J find I miss my carriage exercise." 128 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS AN ENTHUSIASTIC FISHER. Just like my luck No sooner have I got and settled down to a book, than there comes a confounded bite ! " "What a bore! my tackle ready, LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 129 THE WORST OF EVENING PARTIES. Ned " Hallo Bill, are you going to the Eagle to-night ? " Bill " Why, no ! it's such a bore to dress." 9 130 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS - SPORTING YOUTH WHO HAS LOST THE HOUNDS. Youth " Seen the hounds go through here, Pikey ? " Pikey " E-as, A have tuppence ! " Youth pays the twopence and gallops on. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 131 A LAPSE OF TWENTY MINUTES HAS TAKEN PLACE, WHEN SPORTING YOUTH RETURNS. Youth (in a high state of excitement) " Why, confound you ! I thought you told me that you had seen the hounds go through here ? " Pikey " E-as, so a did. Seed 'em yesterday ! " 2 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS FLUNKEIAXA. Gentleman" Sixty Pounds a Year ! ! Why, man, are you- aware that such a sum is more than is frequently given to a curate ? " Flunkey " Oh, yes sir, but then you would hardly,. I hope, go for to compare me with the henferior order of clergy." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 133 DOMESTIC BLISS. Edwin " Now, upon my life, Angelina, this is too bad no buttons again." Angelina "Well, my dear, it's of no use fidgetting me about it. You must speak to Ann. You can't expect me to do everything." 134 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE OPERA. " Please, sir, give us your ticket, if you aint agoin' in anain." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS HOW TO DRESS A LOBSTER. Rude Boy " Oh, look 'ere Jim ! If 'ere aint a lobster bin and out-growed his cloak ! " 136 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS AN EXCLUSIVE. Enter small Swell (who drawls as follows) " A Bwown. a want some more coats." Tailor " Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. How many would you please to have ? " Small Swell A let me see, a' 11 have eight. A no, a'H have nine. Look here ! a shall want some trowsers." Tailor " Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. How many would you like?" Small Swell " A I don't know exactly, Spose we say twenty-four pairs ; and look here ! Show me some patterns that won't be worn by any snobs ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 137 FLUNKEIANA. Old Gent. "Thomas I have always placed the greatest confidence in you. Now tell me, Thomas, how is it that my butcher's bills are so large, and that I always have such bad dinners?' Thomas " Really, sir, I don't know. For I am sure we never have anything nice in the kitchen that we don't always send some of it up to the dining room." 138 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS SNOW-FLAKES. NO. I. Small Boy (to his natural enemy the Policeman)" Snow- balls, sir ! No sir ! I hav'nt seen no one throw no snowballs,. sir ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 139 SNOW-FLAKES. NO. II. Street Boy " Hoh ! Soosanner ! Don't yer cry for me ! Fol de rol de riddle lol. Here's a jolly slide. Cut away, young 'un. It's all serene ! " 140 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS SNOW-FLAKES. NO. III. Playftil Youth" Please, sir, I wasn't a heavin' at you- I -as heavin' at Billy Jones." was LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 141 LT THE HAT-MOVING EXPERIMENT. Algernon thinks that he has seen worse experiments. i 4 2 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A FALSE POSITION. Gentleman (who is not over strong in his head, or firm on his legs)" D-d-d-d-id waltzing ever make you giddy ? Because, I shall be happy to sit down whenever you're tired ! " Girl (who is in high dancing condition) " Oh, dear, no I could waltz all night ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 143 SERVANTGALISM ; OR, WHAT'S TO BECOME OF THE MISSUSES? Servant Gal "Well, Mam heverythink considered I'm afraid you won't suit me. I've always bin brought up genteel : and couldn't go nowheres where there ain't no footman kep '." I 4 d LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS SERVANTGALISM; OR, WHAT'S TO BECOME OF THE MISSUSES? OldLaay" What is it boy?" Boy" Please "m it's a pair of white sating shoes, and the lady's fan wot's bin mended name of Miss Julier Pearlash." Old 0^-"Miss !!!!!????? Voice from Area" Oh, it's all right, mum. It's me ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 145 SERVANTGALISM ; OR, WHAT'S TO BECOME OF THE MISSUSES." Servant Gal (who has quarrelled with her bread and butter) "If you please, ma'am, I find there's cold meat for dinner in the kitchen. Did you expect me to eat it ? " Lady " Of course I expect you to eat it, and an excellent dinner too " Servant "Oh, then, if you please 'm, I should like to leave this day month." IO 146 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE CAMP AT CHOBHAM HOSPITALITY. Officer " Well, but look here, old fellow ; why not stop all night?" LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 147 THE NEW BONNET. Frederick " There, now, how very provoking ! I've left the prayer books at home ! " Maria " Well, dear, never mind ; but do tell noe is my bonnet straight ? " i 4 8 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A GREAT MENTAL EFFORT. First Cock Sparroiv ' ; What a miwackulus tye, Fwank ! How the dooce do you manage it ? " Second Cock Sparrow "Yas. I fancy it is rather grand. But, you see, I give the whole of my mind to it." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 149 \ CRUEL. " Remember the steward, sir, if you please." 150 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A CAUTION TO LITTLE BOYS AT A FESTIVE SEASON. Mamma" Why, my dearest Albert, what are you crying f or ? so good, too, as you have been all day ! " Spoiled Little Boy " Boo- hoo ! I've eaten so m-much be-ef and t-turkey, that I can't eat any p-plum p-p-pudding!" LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A PLAYFUL CREATURE. Cabby " Don't be alarmed, sir, it s only his play. 152 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A VERY VULGAR SUBJECT. William " Here's wishin' you good 'ealth Jim, and a Happy New- Year." James "Thank'ye Bill, thank'ye. I had ought to be a happy cove for I have got a wife as can thrash any man of her weight and I've got a child of two years and an arf as can eat two pounds of beef steak at a sitting let alone owning the smallest black and tan terrier in the world." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 153 STUDY OF AN ELDERLY FEMALE HAILING THE LAST OMNIBUS. i 5 4 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A LARGE BUMP OF CAUTION. Flora -"Oh, let us sit here, Aunt, the breeze is so delightful." Aunt "Yes, Dove ! It's very nice I dare say. But I won't come any nearer to the cliff, for I am always afraid of slipping through those railings." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 155 LATEST FROM PARIS. Beautiful Being " Well, I must say, Parker, that I like the hair dressed a 1'imperatrice. It shows so much of the face.' 156 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A SERIOUS THREAT. Unsophisticated Little Girl " Now, you stop crying Billy, If you ain't quiet directly, I'll give yer to this great, big hugly man ! " [Sensation of Swell in gorgeous array.] LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 157 A TRIFLE THE MATTER WITH THE KITCHEN. BOILER. COMPETITION. " Want your door done, Mum I " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS GAMMONING A GENT. Gent" Ow much ? " '* Well ! I'd rather leave it to you, sir ! And what we poor hansoms is to do when all you officers is gone abroad, goodness knows." ,60 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS ENTER MR. BOTTLES, THE BUTLER. Master Fred " There ! that's capital ! Stand still, Bottles, and I'll show you the Chinese knife trick." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 161 FLUNKEIANA A FACT. Flunkey (out of place) " There's just one question I would like to ask your ladyship. Ham I engaged for work, or ham I engaged for ornament ? " ii 162 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS RAILWAY SMOKING. Undergraduate 1 ' You don't object to smoking I hope?" Old Party" Yes, sir, I object very much indeed ! in fact I have the strongest objection to smoking ! ! Undergraduate "Km I Ha! Some people have." (Smokes for the next fifty miles). LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS HOW TO GET A CONNECTION. Shopman (to ancient party) "Yes Miss. Thank you Miss. Is there any other article, Miss? Can we send it for you. Miss?" [Old lady thinks it is such a nice shop.] 164 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THINKING ALOUD. Genius "By the way, did you glance at that article of mine on the intellect of woman? I don't care two pence about your opinion. Only if you^ can say something favour- able, of course, I shall be pleased " Common Sense "Well I tried it, but I found it such rubbish that I couldn't get on. To tell you the truth, a little thing in the cheesemongering line would be more in your way." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 165 S VU A BRUTAL FELLOW. Policeman "Now, Mum. What's the matter? ' Injured Female " If you please Mister, I want to give my wretch of a 'usband in charge. He is always a knocking of jne down and stampin' on me ! " 166 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A DELICIOUS SAIL OFF DOVER. Old Lady " Goodness Gracious, Mr Boatman ! What is that?" Stolid Boatman" That Mum ! Nothin' Mum. Only the artillery a practising and that's one of the cannon balls that has just struck the water." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 167 DIVISION OF LABOUR. Sportsman (in standing beans) " Where to now, Jack ? " jack "Well! let's see. I should just go up the beans again, and across the top end, beat round the other side and round by the bottom, while you're there, get over and try old Haycock's standing oats. I'll stop here and mark ! " 168 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A THOROUGH GOOD COOK. Lady " Then why did you leave your last place, pray ?" Cook " Well Ma'am, after I'm done work, I am very fond of singing and playing on the accordium, and Missus hadn't seem to like it and so I gave notice ! ' LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 169 BOTTOM-FISHING. Piscator No. i (miserably) " Now, Tom, do leave off. It isn't of any use, and it's getting quite dark." Piscator No. 2 " Leave off ! ! VV hat a precious disagreeable chap you are. You come out for a day's pleasure, and you are always a wanting to go home." ijo LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS FIRST NIGHT IN THE NEW HOUSE. Awful discovery of black beetles. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 171 NO OFFENCE. Victim " Hope you will not be offended, sir. But I should 1 be very glad if you would settle my little bill up to Christmas." Mr Dump " Offended, my dear boy ! Not in the least ! But the fact is, I have suspended cash payments for some time/ 172 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS MATRIMONIAL SOLICITUDE. Managing Mama " Wy goodness, Ellen, how wretchedly pale you look For goodness' sake bite your lips and rub your cheeks." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 173 AQUATICS. Who is this? Why, this is Mr John Chubb pulling one of his long, slow, steady strokes. He is taking more pains than usual, because those pretty girls in the round hats are sitting on the lawn drawing from nature. 474 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS DIFFERENCE OF TASTE. Chorus (of nice young ladies) " Oh : of all and of all, I never ! Isn't it the darlingest, sweetest, prettiest, dear little darling, darling ! Oh ! did you ever ! ! " Solo (by horrid plain spoken boy/) " H'm ! I think it's -a nasty, ugly little beast, for all the world like a cat or a monkey." [bensation.J LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 17$ {After a great deal of coaxing and persuasion, Master Tom is prevailed on to pay a visit to the dentist. Inconsiderate and vulgar street boys unfortunately pass at the moment.] First Inconsiderate Street Boy " Oh crickey ! If here ain't a chap going to have a grinder out. My eye, what fangs ! I " Second Ditto "Oh, I would be 'im. Won't there be a screw winch required neether ? " (Of course Master Tom relapses into his previous very obstinate state.) 176 LEEf'-H'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS [Tableau representing a young gentleman, who fancies he is alone by the " Sad Sea Waves." He takes the opportunity of going through the last scene of " Lucia."] N.B. The Young Gentleman's voice (which HE imagines to be like Mario's) is of the most feeble and uncertain quality. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 177 MISS BROWN KINDLY TAKES HER COUSIN OUT FISHING. Inferior Animal " W& Dear! Cousin! here's a fish taken all my bait. Do come and put on another worm." 12 i;8 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE WOMAN AT THE WHEEL. THE FEMALE OF THE FUTURE. Father of the Family " Come, dear ; we so seldom go out together now cant you take us all to the play to-night?" Mistress of the House and M.P. " How you talk, Charles! Don't you see that I am too busy ? I have a committee to-morrow morning, and I have my speech to prepare for the evening 1 " i8o LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS HOW COOL AND NICE THESE FRENCH-POLISHES FLOORS ARE BUT, OH DEAR, HOW VERY HARD' LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 181 VILLIKENS IN THE DRAWING ROOM. Young Lady "Now, William, you are not low enough yet. Begin at He took the cold Pizen.' " 182 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS WISE MAN. When coals are so dear, it behoves every family man to see that he gets the proper number of sacks for the money. Paterfamilias does his duty like a man, although the coals arrive just at his dinner-time, and the weather is rather inclement. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 183 QUITE SAFE. Stout Party "Ahem ! I want to have a look at the hounds to-morrow. Do you think that you have got anything that would carry me ? " Stable Keeper " Well, sir ! I think I have two brown osses and an omnibus as perhaps might do it ! " 1 84 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A GREAT PROSPECT. " What a stunning Meerschaum you have got, Charley ! " " Yes, I think it will be handsome by the time I've properly coloured it ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 185 A GORGEOUS SPECTACLE. Sarah Jane " Oh, Betsy, come 'ere, and bring Johnnie ! "Why, we can see the 'oofs of the 'orses ! " i86 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS SOMETHING LIKE SPORT. Jolly Angler "Hooray, Tom! I've got one and, my word ! didn't he pull ? " LEECHS HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 187 TRADE. Commercial Gent "This war, sir, will be a terrible hindrance to all kinds of business." Swell " Aw dessay ! d'lighted to hear it a always had the greatest aversion to all kinds of business." 188 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS -- DELIGHTFUL OUT-DOOR EXERCISE IN WARM WEATHER. Running amidst shouts of "Now then, butter-fingers" "Oh! Oh!" "Throw it in, look sharp!" "Quick.' in with it," Profession ? " Gent" Banker." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 213 THE RISING GENERATION. Juvenile " I wonder whether that girl has got any tin foi I feel most owdaciously inclined to cut that fellow out" 214 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS MEETING HIM HALF-WAY. Young Hopeful " Well, it's of no use, governor ; I can't stick to business. I want to be a soldier, and you must buy me a commission." Governor " No, my boy ; I can't afford to buy you a com- mission. But I'll tell you what I'll do. If you will go down to Chatham and enlist, I will give you my word of honour I won't buy you off." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 215 CONSOLS AT 90. Husband " Well, I declare I'm quite glad it's a wet day ; it will be an excuse to stop at home with my darling little pipsey-popsey. What do you say, Dicky ? Eh ? Pretty Dick ! Pretty Dick ! " 216 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS CONSOLS AT 80. Husband"' Go out for a walk ! Nonsense ! I've something else to do. I think, too, that you might pull down that blind, unless you want the sun to spoil all the furniture. And, oh dear, for goodness sake, do take that confounded canary out of the room ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 217 A BRILLIANT IDEA. Matilda " Oh, look ye here, Tommy. S'pose we play at your being the big footman, and me and Lizzerbuth '11 be the fine ladies in the carriage ! " 2i8 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE RISING GENERATION. First Juvenile (in trap) " Well, Charley, you have had it out with the old boy ? " Second Juvenile " Ya-as ; and aw what do you think the undutiful old governor sa-ays ? " First Juvenile ' Haven't the least id-eaw." Second Juvenile "Why, he sa-ays I must do something to get my own living ! " First Juvenile " Oh, Law ! What a horrid Ba\v ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 219 '-^-~. ~* ft J"V**\^- i .* ^J I ,' - l PREVENTION BETTER THAN CURE. Paterfamilias insists that the girls shall wear very stout boots in the wet weather. But the girls don't at all like " the nasty, great, ugly, thick things ! " 220 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS HONEYMOON AT SEA. \ " The happy pair then started for the Continent, via Folkestone, to spend the honeymoon." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 221 P^^m$ii A REAL DIFFICULTY. Irritated Swell 11 Ring ! Yes, of course, I rung ! How do you suppose I'm to do my back hair with only one candle ? " 222 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A CASE OF REAL DISTRESS. Fox-Hunter" Here's a bore, Jack ! The ground is half a .foot thick with snow, and it's freezing like mad ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 223 LITERAL. Young Lady " Pray, cabman, are you engaged ? " Cabman" Lor' bless yer, miss; why, I've been married this seven years." 224 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS GOOD SECURITY. Boy - " Please, sir, give me a brown." Swell " Sixpence is the smallest money I have, my little lad." Boy " Vel, sir, I'll get yer change ; and if yer doubts my honour, hold my broom." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 225 ON THE MOORS. Mr Puff "My bird, I think." Mr Muff" Belongs to me, I fancy." &c., fee., &c. 226 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS SPEAKS FOR HIMSELF. Buyer " Is he well broke ? " Seller" Lor' bless ye ! Look at his knees ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 227 ONE OF THE FINE ARTS. Mr Bungle always makes his flies on the bank of the stream. Here is one of his most successful efforts 228 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS TABLE RAPPING. " Do you believe in this table-rapping that there's such a fuss about ? " Oh dear no ! Why, the other evening a table was asked how old I was, and it rapped out forty ! Ridiculous, when L am not three and twenty till next March ! ' LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 229 A GOOD EDUCATION. Father" Well, Augustus, you have had a first-rate educa- tion, and you must now choose a profession. Will you be a lawyer, a doctor, or a parson ?" Augustus" No, I'll rather be a clown ! " 230 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE FINISHING TOUCH TO A PICTURE. Artist" Now, don't hesitate to say if you see anything I can alter or improve." " Patron" Hm ! well ! no \ I don't see anything- except, perhaps, you-a-might repaint the principal figures; and- l yes I should certainly get a new background in. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 231 CLOSE OF THE SEASON. The London footman exhausted, 232 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS BEGINNING FIRES FOR THE WINTER. SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE CHIMNEY. Sweep (log.) " This chimley always was a bad un to smoke, sir ; the party as lived here before you came had a deal of trouble with it" LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 233 AN ASSOCIATION FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF SCIENCE ON AN EXCURSION. 234 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS BUSINESS LIKE. " I say, Charley, don't you think you had better go back to your customer ? " Incipient Wine Merchant " Not yet. Always gone a quarter of an hour for the very old port further end of the cellar ! Cellar's very extensive ! Great care necessary, for fear of disturbing the crust you know et cetera. Twig ? " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 235 JACK ASHORE Policeman " Hollo, Jack. I suppose you're not sorry to come on land for a bit ! " Jack 'who hasn't got his shore legs yet) " Well, it aint such a bad place for a day or two, only it's so precious difficult to walk straight." 236 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS (?). First Old Foozle" Would you like to see the paper, sir ? There's nothing in it." Second Old Foozle " Then, what the devil did you keep it so long for ? " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 237 PATERFAMILIAS SUPERINTENDS IN PERSON. THE REMOVAL OF THE SNOW FROM THE ROOF OF HIS HOUSE. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS PLEASING EFFECT BELOW. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 239 THE BATTLE OF THE PIANOS. 240 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS DELIGHTFUL FOR MOTHER. Old Lady " Ah ! I was just such another when I was her age," LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 241 A CAUTION DURING THE MISTLETOE SEASON TO YOUNG GENTLEMEN WHO WEAR SHARP- POINTED MOUSTACHES. Pretty Cousin" What a tiresome great awkward boy you are ! J ust see how you have scratched my chin ! " [Young gentleman apologises amply.] 16 242 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS SCENE : DRAWING ROOM. [Enter Horrid Boy.] Horrid Boy (capering about) " Oh, look here, captain ! I've found out what Clara stuffs her hair out with. They're whiskers like yours ! " [Sensation.] LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 243 FRIEND, DOCTOR, AND WIFE. Railway Official '' You'd better not smoke, sir. " Traveller " That's what my friends say." Railway Official"' But you mustn't smoke, sir." Traveller " So my doctor tells me." Railway Official (indignantly) " But you shan't smoke, sir." Traveller " Ah ! just what my wife says." 244 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A VISIT TO THE ANTEDILUVIAN REPTILES AT SYDENHAM. Master Tom strongly objects to having his mind improved^ LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 245 THE TOO FAITHFUL TALBOTYPE. Georgina (in riding habit)" Well, dear, I declare, it's the very image of you ! I never ! " Sarah Jane (who insists upon seeing the plate)" Like me? For goodness sake, don't be ridiculous, Georgina. I think it's perfectly absurd ! Why, it has given me a stupid little turn-up nose, and a mouth that's absolutely enormous ! " 246 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS FALSE PRETENCES. Young Lady (whose birthday it is) " Oh, yes ! I have had a great number of nice presents ; but I wonder who sent me this beautiful bouquet." Handsome Party (with moustaches, presence of mind, and great expression of eye) " And can't you guess ? " (Sighs deeply). [N.B. Poor Binks, who was at all the trouble and expense of getting the said bouquet from Covent Garden, is supposed to be watching the effect of his gift with some anxiety.] LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 247 ANOTHER BIT FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS. ist Collier " Surrey, dust thee know the Bishop's coming to-morrow ? " 2nd Ditto" Wot's that ? " ist Ditto (emphatically) " The Bishop !" snd Ditto "Oi don't know what thee mean'st, but moy bitch, Rose, shall pin her ! " 2 4 S LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT. Frederick " Now, then, William, what are yer waitin' for?" William " Why, I was a thinkin' vether I should wear my moustachers like this here or like that hare." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 249 LONG VACATION. " Now then, Latitat, tuck in your six-and-eightpenny ! " 2<;o LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS AGRICULTURAL DISTRESS. Young Farmer, No. I " Well, Charley, have you had much shooting lately ? " Young Farmer, No. 2 " Why, no : what with hunting two days a week and coursing two days, I don't get much time to- go out with a gun." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 251 FLUNKEIANA. Flunkey (who does not approve of Bloomsbury) " No, ma'am, I don't objec' to the 'ouse, for it's hairey, and the vittles is good ; but the fact is that all my connections live in Belgravia!" 252 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE TICKET-SHOWING NUISANCE. Now, we do hope that this old gentleman is not going to be asked to show his ticket, because this old gentleman has just packed himself up quite comfortably, and his ticket is in the very innermost recess of his waistcoat pocket, and because, you see, this is just the sort of old gentleman who is likely to be much irritated by such a request at such a time. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 253 SCHOLASTIC. Mother " And pray, doctor, what are your terms for educa- ting little boys ? " The Principal "Why, my dear madam, my usual terms are seventy guineas per annum (to use the language of the ancient Romans), but, to effect my object quickly, I would take a few for what I could get, provided they be gentlemen, like your dear little boy there. But (again to use the Latin tongue) it is a sine qua non that they should be gentlemen ! " 254 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS PLEASURES OF HOUSEKEEPING. When Mr Briggs left for the city in the morning, his gate was clean, and just newly painted. On his return in the evening, imagine his feelings on finding that all the juvenile artists of the district had been busy with additional orna- mentation. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 253 THESE HATS. What happens with wearing these great round hats. Here's Flora run right into the arms of young Horace Spanker, who hasn't a penny. 256 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS RATHER ALARMING. Lady "You wished, sir, I believe, to see me respecting; the state of my daughter's affections, with a view to a matri- monial alliance with that young lady. If you will walk into the library, my husband and I will discuss the subject with you." Young Corydon " Oh, gracious I " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 257 THINKING ALOUD. Railway Porter " First class, sir ? " Unfortunate Oxonian -" No ; plucked." 258 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS GENERAL THAW AND BURSTING OF THE WATER PIPES. Great fun for Tommy. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 259 INNOCENT MIRTH. The slide on the pavement. 260 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS FRIGHTFUL. Clara "Well, Rose, dear, how do you feel after the party?" Rose 11 Oh, pretty well. Only I have had such a horrid dream. Do y u know > T dreamt that that reat stu P id Captain Drawler upset a dish of trifle over my new lace dress 1 " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 261 BACHELOR HOUSEKEEPING. Mr Brown " Pray, Jane, what on earth is the reason I am Icept waiting so long ? " Jane '~ Please, sir, the rolls isn't come, and there is no bread in the house ! " Mr Brown ' Now, upon my word ! How can you annoy me with such trifles? No bread? Then, bring me some toast." [Exit Jane in dismay.] 262 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE SENSATIONAL. Neivs-vendor " Now, my man, what is it ? " Boy " I vonts a nillustrated newspaper with a norrid murder and a likeness in it." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 263 EARLY IN THE MORNING. Oh, dear! that regular family next door are having their chimney swept again. 264 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS MORAL INFLUENCE OF EXECUTIONS. " Where 'ave we bin ? Why, to see the cove 'ung, to be sure." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 265 NO CONSEQUENCE. '' I say, Jack, who's that come to grief in the ditch ? " " Only the parson." "Oh, leave him there, then. He won't be wanted until next Sunday." 266 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE FIRST OF SEPTEMBER. Mr Briggs tries his shooting pony. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 267 TWO ASPECTS. Soldier " Now. then ! You must move away from here.' Rude Boy" Ah ! But you musn't, old feller ! " 268 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE POLICE. " I tell yer what, Bill ; I think the police are a bad lot ; and I wish they was done away with altogether." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 269. WOMEN AND FREEMASONRY. Affectionate Little Wife (who has made many abortive attempts to fathom the secrets of Freemasonry)" Well, but, dear, tell me one thing. Do they put you into a coffin ? " 270 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS DID YOU EVER! Friend " Well, Sprat, my boy, and how do you get on now you're married ? " Sprat " H'm ! pretty bobbish. But there's one thing makes it dooced uncomfortable sometimes entre nous Mrs S. is so confoundedly jealous of me ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 271 - VN X '-* AWFUL RESULT OF GIVING A SEASON TICKET TO YOUR WIFE. Mary " Please, sir, cook's gone hout for a holiday ; and missus didn't say nothing about no dinner, sir. Missus went early to the Exhibition with some lunch in a basket, and said she shouldn't be home until tea-time." 2J2 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS SUCH A LARK! Ingenious Youth "Oh, such a lark, Bill! I've bin and filled an old cove's letter-box with gooseberry skins and h oyster shells, and rapped like a postman ! " Old Cove" Have you ? " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 273 FROM THE MINING DISTRICTS. AN ATTEMPT AT CONVERTING THE NATIVES. Assiduous Young Curate" Well, then, I do hope I shall have the pleasure of seeing both of you next Sunday." Miner" Oi, thee may'st coam if 'e wull. We foiVht on the croft, and old Joe Tanner brings th' beer." 18 274 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS MODERATE TERMS. [Enter costermonger to old lady passionately fond of flowers.] Coster " 'Scuse me, marm, but did yer want yer green- 'ouse smoked ? No charge ; only to find the 'bacca, and a drop of sumthin' to drink." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 275 FINE BUSINESS, INDEED! THE WRETCH! Master of the House- Oh, Mary, what is there for dinner to-day ? Mary" I think, sir, it's cold mutton, sir." Master of the House-" Wm\ Oh! Tell your mistress when she comes m that I may possibly be detained in the city on business, and she is on no account to wait dinner for me " 276 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS OLD CLOTHES!! Young Sholomunsh (to young Snobley, who is attired in his very best) " Now, sir ! Let me shell you a nish shuit of closhe. Make yer good allowance for the old uns yer've got on [Snobley's feelings may be imagined.] LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 277 SERVANTGALISM : OR WHAT'S TO BECOME OF THE MISSUSES? Cook " Well, to be sure, mum ! Last place I were in, missis always knocked at the door afore she come into my .kitchen ! " 278 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS \ > HOW DISAGREEABLE THE BOYS ARE! Boy "My eye, Tommy! there's the helephant from the S'logical Gardens going a-skating ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 279 THE RISING GENERATION. Old Gentleman " Bless my heart ! This vibration of the carriage is very unusual ! Pray, my little man, have you any apprehension of accidents on railways ? " Juvenile " Oh, none in the least, and especially with such a fat old buffer as you to be shot against ! " 28o LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS POOR MUGGINS. Smythe (to Muggins, who in the heat of the moment has been drinking his wine out of tumblers) " There, my boy! that's such a glass of champagne as you don't get every day ; and between you and me (very confidentially) between you and me I only gave four and twenty shillings a dozen for it!" LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 281 OUR LITTLE FRIEND, TOM NODDY, THINKS THE SEA- WATER WILL DO HIS MARE'S LEGS A WORLD OF GOOD. 282 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS COARSE, BUT CHARACTERISTIC. Cabman (whose temper has been ruffled by omnibus man) "You! Why, you hungry looking wagabun, you look as if you'd bin locked up for a month in a cook's shop with a. muzzle on.' LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 283 OLD LADY AND LEVELLER. Engineer " Don't be alarmed, ma'am ; it's only a dumpy leveller." Old Lady " Law ! Dear now ! Well, I'm sure ! I thought it was a blunderbust. But don't fire it off, young man, till I've got by, for I was always terrible feared of guns." 284 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A PERFECT WRETCH. Wtfe M \\hy dear me, William ; how time flies ! I declare, AVC have been married ten years to-day ! " Wretch " Have we, love ? I am sure, I thought it had been a great deal longer." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 285. THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT. Wkipper " Well, I wear mine because it saves trouble, and is so very 'ealthy." Snapper " Hah ! Well, there aint no humbug about me ;. I wear mine because they looks 'ansom and goes down with, the gals." 286 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS LIFE IN LONDON. Isabella'- Well, aunt, and how did you like London ? I suppose you were very gay ? " Aunt (who inclines to embonpoint) " Oh. yes, love, gay enough. We went to the top o' the Monument o' Sunday, .and to the top o' St. Paul's o' Tuesday, and to the top o' the Book o' York's Column o' Wednesday; but I think altogether 1 like the quiet of the country." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 287 AT THE CRIMEA. " Well, Jack, here's good news from home We're to have a medal." " That's very kind. Maybe one of these days we'll have a coat to stick it on ! " 288 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 3?* '/. FRIENDLY, BUT VERY UNPLEASANT. Lively Party (charging elderly gentleman with his umbrella), - tt Hullo, Jones ! " [Disgust of elderly party, whose name is Smith.] LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 289 KEEPING STEP. First Militiaman " Jim, you hain't in step." Second ditto" Bain't I ? Well, change your'n. 290 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT. Railway Official (waking old gent from a sweet sleepV ' Tickets, please ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 291 TOO BAD. Rude Boy " Ah ! here's the p'leece a comin'. Won't you xiatch it for sliding on the pavement 1 " 292 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS X ' Y ;; (ill PRUDENT RESOLVE. Little Party -" Go and walk in Hyde Park? Oh! ah !^ F dessay! and get mistaken for a haristocrat ! No, thank'e;;. not if I know it." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 293 DISGUSTING FOR AUGUSTUS. Augustus (who was rapidly coming to the point) " Then, Emily! oh, may I call you Emily? sweetest! best! say that you will not go without " Fish- Woman (cuts in) " Any feesh to-day, marm ? any mackerel, soles, or whiting? " 294 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS ipn SERVANTGALISM. Mistress " Not going to remain in a situation any longer \ Why, you foolish things, what are you going to do, then ? " Eliza "Why, ma'am, you see, our fortune-teller say that two young noblemen is a-going to marry us, so there's no call to remain in no situations no more ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 29; FLUNKEIANA RUSTICA. Mistress " Now, I do hope, Samuel, you will make yourself tidy, get your cloth laid in time, and take great pains with your waiting a table." Samuel ''who has come recently out of a strawyard) Yes, m'. But pleaz, m', be oi to wear my breeches ? " 296 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A FACT. Mistress " I think, cook, we must part this day month." Cook fin astonishment) " Why, ma'am ? I am sure I've let you have your own way in most everythink! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 297 U MMW^?\S ^-^ J ' _^ ? .. o> v V ~~t2\~-*'i r\ *^T : ; "^r^aMiiSi^^lwi?" IN HOPE. Mr B as he appeared from six in the morning till three In -the afternoon, when LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS HOPE REWARDED. Having hooked a " fish," he is landed to play it. The fislr runs away with him, and Mr B. is dragged about a mile and a- half over what he considers a rather difficult country. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 2ox NOT TO BE DAUNTED. The fish, having refreshed himself and recovered his spirits bolts again with Mr B. 300 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS HOPE AND FEAR. On arriving at " Hell's Hole," he is detained for three- quarters of an hour while the fish sulks at the bottom. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS MOST PROVOKING. After a long and exciting struggle, Mr B. is on the point of landing his prize, when the line unfortunately breaks ! " 302 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS NEVER SAY DIE. However, in much less time than it has taken to make this imperfect sketch, accoutred as he is, he plunges in, and, alter a desperate encounter, secures a magnificent salmon, for which, he declares, he would not take a guinea a pound ; and it is now stuffed in the glass case over the one which contains Jlis late favourite spotted hunter. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 303 MARRY ON ,300 A-YEAR j Passer-by (to the crossing-sweeper) " What's all this about ? " Sweeper " Well, sir, I believe it's a. kind of wedding ; but it aint likely to be an 'appy union only two broughams and a hack cab ! " 304 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE HUSBAND AS HE OUGHT NOT TO BE. [Isn't it so, my dears ?] Angelina " Well, E., you don't say a word about my dress." Edwtn"}L\\, what ? Oh, ugh ! H'm beautiful, beautiful beautiful ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 30$ FAIR AND EQUAL. Sister " Not give a ball, Charles ! Fiddle ! Why not ? I tell you what. If you will find the room, and the music, and the supper, and the champagne, and the ices, I'll find the ladies ! Come, now ! " 10 306 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS Mrs A VERY PARTICULAR PARTY. -" Oh, here you are at last. Now, you must come and dance this waltz with a friend of mine. Charming girl, I assure you ! " Mr (who prides himself upon his dancing) " Haw ! thank you ; you're very good ! But I never waltz with strange girls. I don't mind giving her a quadrille first, just to see how she moves ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 307 COMPARISONS. Party (who of course, doesn't think himself good-looking) Really, Clara, I can't think how you can make a pet of such n ugly brute as an Isle of Skye terrier." 308 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS GOOD LOOKING. ' The traveller, wearied with the noonday heat, need never be at a loss to find rest and refreshment. Stretched upon the softest and cleanest of matting, imbibing the most delicately flavoured tea, inhaling through a short pipe the fragrant tobacco of Japan, he resigns himself to the ministrations of a bevy of fair damsels, who glide rapidly and noiselessly about, the most zealous and skilful of attendants." Times, November 2, 1858. And by all means let us have Japanese manners and customs here. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 309 A CAUTIOUS BIRD. Young Lobkins " Well, I don't know about marryin', for, yer see, after the knot was tied, some other gal might be Tallin' in love with one, and that would be so dooced awkward ! " Jio LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS PLEASING DELUSION IN RE THE ROUND HATS. Female " Well, there can be no question about one thing they certainly do make you look younger ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 311 ROASTED CHESTNUTS. Mr Hobble- de-Hoye " I'm very fond of 'em. There's no one looking ! Don't see why I shouldn't. I will ! Yes ; 111 have a penn'orth ! " 312 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS "WHERE IGNORANCE IS BLISS 'TIS FOLLY TO BE WISE !" (NEW VERSION.) " I say, Jim, vot's a panic?" " Blow'd if I know ; but there's one to be seen in the city * LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 313 PRIVATE OPINION. Little Shrimp ton " Hah ! they may laugh ; but I mean to say that the beard is a great ornament, and gives dignity to the human figure ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS ALWAYS BE POLITE WHEN TRAVELLING. Affable Young Gent (who is never distant to strangers) Would you like to see Bell's Life, sir ? There's an out-and- out stunning mill between Conkey Jim and the porky one ! LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 315 TAKEN ABACK. Fred (affectionately taking the arm of his friend Harry, as he thinks) " Oh ! Do look at these beautiful diamonds. How well they would become your sweet sister! " CoalJieaver " Come, now ! Walker ! " 316 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS NICELY CAUGHT. It was in August or September Cwe forget which) that Amelia's scarf caught Henry's button, and now they are married. Wasn't it odd ? LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 317 PERFECTLY DREADFUL. Guard " Now, sir, if you're going on by the express^ Here's just room for one." Tourist " Wha-t ! Get in with hawwid old women and squeeming children ! By Jove ! you know 1 I say ! it's im- pawsible, you know ! " 3i8 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS CUPID AT SEA. Angelina (to Edwin, whose only chance is perfect tranquility) " Edwin, dear ! If you love me, go down into the cabin and fetch me my scent bottle, and another shawl to put over my feet ! " fEdwin's sensations are more easily imagined than described.] LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 319 VERY CONSIDERATE. Steward " Will either of you, gentlemen, dine on beard ? There's a capital hot dinner at three o'clock. :2o LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A RAILWAY COLLUSION A HINT TO STATION MASTERS. Porter "Now, then, Bill ! Are you off?" Cab Ruffian " No ; what sort of fare is it ? " Porter " Single gent with small bag." Ruffian " Oh, he won't do ! Can't yer find us a old lady and two little gals with lots of boxes ? I'm good for a pint! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 321 PATIENCE REWARDED. Piscator " Ah ! Hah ! Got you at last, have I ? And a fine week's trouble I've had to catch you ! " 21 322 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A SKETCH FROM THE STAND AT SCARBORO'. Fair Equestrian" Oh, I want to ride on the sands with this little boy. Have you a horse disengaged for him ? Any bit of a pony thing, you know, will do for me !" LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 323 ASTOUNDING ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE SMALL COUNTRY BUTCHER. (Who does not often kill his own meat). Maid " Please, ma'am, Mr Skewer says he's a-going to .kill hisself this week, and will you have a joint ?" 324. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS OFFENDED DIGNITY. Small Swell (who has just finished a quadrille) " H'm !" Thank goodness, that's over ! Don't give me your bread-and- butter misses to dance with. I like your grown women of the world ! " [N.B. The bread-and-butter miss has asked him how old Le was, and when he went back to school.] LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 325 AMATEUR PANTOMIME. How does the butler like theatricals ? 5 26 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS REMARKABLE OCCURRENCE. On the morning after the dispensary ball, as Emily Deux- temps and Claia Polkington were sitting in the plantation, who should come to the very spot but Captain Fastman and young Reginald Fipps ! LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 327 YOUNG UPHOLSTERERS. A discreet friend having presented Master Tom with a tool-box as a New Year's gift, the furniture is put into thorough repair. 328 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE VALENTINE. Little Foot Page "I say, Maria, what's a rhyme to Cupid ?" Maria 11 Why, stupid rhymes to Cupid ; don't it, stupid ?" LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 329 TRUE GALLANTRY. " If you want a thing done, do it yourself." Never disturb the maids in the morning, but jump out of bed the moment you hear the sweep, and let him in ; it isn't much trouble, and saves a world of grumbling. 330 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS SELF-HELP. " If you want a thing done, do it yourself." Having thoroughly dressed and fed the horses, you had better set to work upon the boots of the establishment. The knives, as you have a machine, you may as well do. And, while your hands are soiled, you had better help Alphonso to carry up- some coals. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 331 STARTLING ADVICE. Studious Boy " Johnny, I advise you not to be a good boy!" Johnny" Why ! " Studious Boy " Because in books all good boys die, you know ! " 332 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS EARLY RESPONSIBILITY. Cousin Harriet " Well, Alfred, will you stop and have some tea with us ? " Alfred "Haw! you're very good, I'm sure; but I've got to take the children to see the pantomime ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 333 A MORAL LESSON FROM THE NURSERY. Arthur "Do you know, Freddy, that we are only made ot dust!" Freddy " Are we ? Then, I'm sure, we ought to be very careful how we pitch into each other so, for fear we might crumble each other all to pieces ! " 334 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE BLOATED ARISTOCRAT. Boy" Oh ! look 'ere, Bill ! 'Ere's a bloated haristocrat There's no one looking. Let's punch his 'ed ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 335 MARRIED FOR MONEY. THE HONEYMOON. " Now, then, darling, put away your paper, and we'll have a nice long walk, and then come back to tea in our own little cottage, and be as happy as two little birds ! " said the fair bride. " Oh ! hang it ! " mentally ejaculated the captain. 336 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS UNDER THE MISTLETOE. Miss Gushington " Oh, don't you like Christmas time, Mr Brown, and all it's dear old customs ?" [Brown don't seem to see it.] LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 337 ALARMING PROPOSITION. Oyster Man (to hairy gents.) " Oysters, sir ! Yes, sir f Shall I take yer beards off? " [Gents, have an uncomfortable idea that they are being chaffed.] 22 338 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS YOUNG LADY OF THE PERIOD. Fast Young Lady (to old gent.)-" Have you such a thing s a lucifer about you, for I've left my cigar lights at home? LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 339 SERVE HIM RIGHT. Swell (who, when he is asked to dine at half-past six thinks it fine to come at half-past eight) " Haw ! I'm afraid you've been waiting dinner for me ! " Lady of the House" Oh, dear, no! we have dined some time ! Will you take some tea ? " 340 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS EVERYTHING IN ITS PLACE. It is quite possible to have too much of a good thing as r for example, when you get the asparagus shot over your favourite dress coat with the silk facings. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 341 A HINT TO GENTLEMEN. CAUTION TO GENTLEMEN WALKING TO EVENING PARTIES. Don't forget to take off your goloshes and turn down youi trousers before entering the room. 342 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A HINT TO RAILWAY TRAVELLERS. By breathing on the glass, and holding a speaking doll by way of baby to the window, you may generally keep your compartment select. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 343 OH, YES; OF COURSE. Lissie " Oh, Mr Poffles, I find I have made a mistake ; I see I was engaged for this dance." 344 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE QUADRILLE IN HOT WEATHER. Stout Party (who suffers much from heat, and has in vain attempted to conceal himself)" Oh, I believe we are engaged for this dance. I've been that is I've eh I've been look- ing for you a a everywhere phew ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 345 THE NEW REGULATION MESS. Swell Soldier " What ! dine off woast and boiled, just like .snobs ! No, by Jove ; 1 shall cut the army and go into the church ! " 346 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A PAINFUL SUBJECT. Lieutenant Fopsom (of the I2ist to his elder brother, who- is home for the holidays) " A-say, old fellah ! don't you wish you had left school? It must be such a horrid baw to be tlogged for smoking ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 347 PHOTOGRAPH BEAUTIES. " I say, mister, here's me and my mate wants our fotergruffs took ; and, mind, we wants 'em 'ansom' cos they're to give to two ladies." 34 8 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE OPERA. No. i. Lizzie " Good gracious, Selina ! look there ! There's that ridiculous little man again. Did you ever see anything so absurd?" LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 349 THE OPERA. No. 2. Busby "Ah, there she is, bless her! And looking this way, too. Oh, it's as clear as possible she has taken a fancy to me ! " 350 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A SKETCH AT A RAILWAY STATION. Respectable Citizen (reads placard) " The public arc cautioned against card-sharpers, gamblers, and pickpockets ! . . . . Why, I thought such people was all done away with. Didn't you, Mo ? " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 351 HI' ART. Parent " I should like you to be very particular about the hair." PJiotographic Artist ( ! ) " Oh, mum, the : air is enough ; it's the hi's where we find the difficulty." 352 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS FLUNKIEANA. Lady of the House " Oh, Thomas, have the goodness to take up some coals into the nursery." Thomas " H'm, Ma'am ! If you ask it as a favour, ma'am, I don't so much object ; but I 'ope you don't take me for ar "ousemaid, ma'am ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 353 SERVANTGALISM. Mistress " Why, nurse, what a terrible disturbance ! Pray, what is the matter ? " Nurse ( addicted to pen and ink) " Oh, mum, it's dreadful ! Here's neether me nor Mary can't answer none of our letters for the racket ! " 23 354 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS SYMPTOMS OF HARD READING. Student "Ok, Mary, have you taken up the lamp and the cigars ? " Mary "Yes, sir." Student" And the whiskey, and the sugar, and the lemon, and boiling water ? " Mary " Yes, sir." Student "Then, come, Jack; suppose we go into study ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 355 THE STOUT LADY. Cabby " Let yer out ? That's a good un ! Not afore you pays for breaking my springs." 3$6 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS HEAD OF THE HOUSE No. i. Mr Peewit has a little addition to his family. He is obliged to get his meals anyhow and LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 357 HEAD OF THE HOUSE No. 2. Abdicates in favour of the real master of the house. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS MILK VERSUS WATER. Cook" Fine day, Mr Chalks." Mr Chalks " Yes, Cookey, it's a very fine day ; but if we haven't some rain soon, 1 don't know what we shall do for milkl" LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 359 THRILLING DOMESTIC INCIDENT. Master Alfred "Don't, baby! You'll spoil it ! Leave go, sir ! Here, nurse, he's swallowing my new watch ! " 360 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS VERY ARTFUL CONTRIVANCE. Clara " Why, dear me ! what do you wear your hat in the water for ? " Mrs Walrus " Oh, I always wear it when I bathe ; for then, you see, dear, no one can recognise me from the beach ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 361 A WINDY DAY. Some like one thing, and some another. For example Jack likes a blow on the north cliff. 362 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS COMMON OBJECTS AT THE SEASIDE. " Oh, look here, ma ! I've caught a fish just like those thingamies in my bed at our lodgings ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 363 ASTONISHING A YOUNG ONE. Dick (to his little brother)" Hah ! This is one of the disagreeables in being grown up. Why, bless you, if I didn't shave twice a day this warm weather, I should not be fit to be seen ! " 364 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS AWKWARD PREDICAMENT. Young Sparrow "Oh, I'm sorry to trouble you, uncle; but could you lend me a razor? My confounded fellow hasn't packed up my dressing-case ! ' LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 365 A NOTION OF PLEASURE. Boy - " Oh, come here, Tommy ! Here's such a lot o' grains bin shot down here ! Let's turn 'ead over 'eels in 'em ! " 366 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A BAD TIME FOR JOHN THOMAS. Rude Boy " I say, Jack, ain't he a fine un ? D'ye think he's real, or only stuffed ? " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 367 LEARNING TO SWIM. Bathing Woman " Teach yer to swim ? Lor' bless ye, my love, why, of course, I can ! " 3 68 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS ON THE ROOF. Mrs Pottles sees no reason why she shouldn't go out on the roof of her house to see the fireworks. LEECH S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 369 NOTHING BUT EATING. Sensitive Young Lady " Poor creatures ! Nothing but eating and sleeping ! What a dreadful existence ! " Stout Youth " Dreadful existence ! Oh, ah ! I daresay. Why, that's just the very thing of all others I should like the best!" 24 3/o LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS LIVELY FOR JONES. Pheasant shooting. A Warm Corner. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS VERY ODD. Lecturer on Electro- Biology " Now, sir, you can't jump over that stick ! Ahem ! Subject "Jump! Eh! Ugh! Lor' bless me, jump ? No, I know I can't. Never could jump. Ugh ! " [Thunders of applause from the Gentlemen in the cane-bottom chairs i.e., believers.] 372 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS ' JiS: s V ... WHOLESOME FEAST. Jessie "And so, Walter, you have little parties at your school, eh ? " Walter " Ah ! don't we, just 1 Last half there was Charley Bogle, and George Twister, and me. We joined, you know. and had two pounds of sausages, cold, and a plum-cake, and a barrel of oysters, and two bottles of currant wine ! Oh, my eye ! wasn't it jolly, neither LEECH S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 373 OF A VERY STUDIOUS TURN. Mamma " Who is this hamper for ? Why, for poor Jerry, who is at school, you know." Darling (reflectively) "Oh, don't you think, ma, I had better go to school ? " 374 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A VERY GREEN-EYED MONSTER. First Juvenile " I wonder what can make Helen Holdfast polk with yon Albert Grig?" Second ditto " Don't you know ? Why, to make me jealous. But she had better not go too far ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 37> JUVENILE DISSIPATION. The day after the juvenile party. Awful appearance of the doctor. 376 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS NONE BUT THE BRAVE DESERVE THE FAIR. Augustus " Now I've got you ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 377 TIT FOR TAT. Gent, on horseback " Get out of the way, boy ! Get out of the way ! My horse don't like donkeys ! " Boy " Doan't he ? Then, why doan't he kick thee off? " 378 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS SOLICITUDE. Wife " Now, promise me one thing, Adolphus. You won't go flying over any hedges or five- barred gates ?" LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 379 SKELETONS. Stout Gent. " Dear ! dear ! So he has formed an attach- ment that you don't approve of! Ah, well ! there's always something. Dt pend upon it, ma'am, there's a skeleton some- where in every house ! '' 380 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE. Tomkins retires to a secluded village that he m.iy grow his moustaches, and so cut out his odious rival, Jones. Jones, it so happens, has come to the same place with the same object. [Frightful meeting.] LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 381 AN ELEGANT ROW ABOUT A MACHINE. 382 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS WHAT A TERRIBLE TURK! " Oh, here's a jolly snowball ! Let's take and put it agin somebody's door ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 383 A SAFE CONVOY. Small S'Meeper (to Crimean hero) " Now, captain, give us a copper, and I'll see yer safe over the crossing ! " 384 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS IMPERTINENT CURIOSITY. Military Man "Well, what are yer a-starin' at? Ain't yer never seed a sodger before ? " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 385 -\\ ;,( i\v, 1 \\ ' !l ! V TICKLED WITH A STRAW. Advertising Medium "Come, now, you leave orf, or I'll call the perlice ! " 25 386 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS HORRIBLE QUESTION AFTER A GREENWICH DINNER. Foot- Boy " If you please, sir, cook told me to ask you what fish you'd like to-day." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 387 TOUCHING APPEAL. . Testy Old Gent, (wearied by the importunities of the Brighton boatmen) c: Confound it, man ! Dp I look as if I -wanted a boat ? " 388 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A GREAT MISTAKE. Youth K Here's a nuisance, now ! Blowed if I ain't left my- cigar-case on my dressing-room table, and that young brother of mine will have all my best regalias !" LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 389 ITS THE EARLY BIRD THAT PICKS UP. THE WORM. Piscator " There, Thomas, you now see the advantage of early rising. I have got the very best place on the water, and I'll be bound to say the other subscribers are not out of bed yet ! " 390 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS SERIOUS THING FOR BROWN, Who rather prides himself upon the elegant manner in which he takes off his hat. This time, however, although the hat is removed, the lining sticks. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 391 THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT. Alphonso "You find your moustachers a great comfort, don't you, Tom ? " Tom " Well yes. But I'm afraid I must cut 'em, for one's obliged to dress so dooced expensive to make everything accord ! " 392 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE BEARD MOVEMENT. Young Snobley (a regular lady-killer)- " How the gals do stare at ones beard ! I suppose they think I'm a horficer just come from the Crimear ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 393 CONSOLATION. Young Snobley "Ah, Jim! noble birth must be a great advantage to a cove ! " Jim (one of Nature's nobility) " H'm ! P'raps ! But, -egad ! personal beauty aint a bad substitute ! " 394 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS FORTUNATE FELLOWS. Stalwart Briton" I tell yer what, Bill. We ought to be very thankful we're Englishmen, for, whether it's the climate or whether it's their habits, just see how those Americans are degenerating ! " LEECH S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS PURSUIT OF PLEASURE. The next best thing to keeping your own hunters is to hire " made horses " that thoroughly know their business. 396 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A DOMESTIC EXTRAVAGANZA. Mamma " Why, good gracious, nurse ! what's the matter with Adolphus ? He looks very odd ! " Nurse "And well he may, mum! For he thought the coloured balls in Miss Charlotte's new game of solitaire was bull's eyes, and he's swallowed ever so many of 'em ! " LEECH S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 397 SISTERLY LOVE. Papa " There, there ! my little poppet. Don't cry ! Don't cry ! If you are going to have the measles, you will soon be well again, I hope. There, there ! BlancJu (sobbing violently) "I I I I'm not crying, papa, because I'm going to have the measles, but because I 1 I thought I was going to ride Mary's pony all the time she was ill, and now I shan t ! " 398 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS FREEZING. Disgusting Boy " I say, ^:ara ! I'm so jolly glad, I am. Do you know, ail the pipes are froze, and we shan't be able to have any of that horrid washing these cold mornings ! Ain't any it prime ! " [Sensation.] LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 399 A PEACE CONFERENCE. Flora " Oh, I am so glad, dear Harriet, there is a chance of peace. I am making these slippers against dear Alfred's comes back ! " Cousin Tom " Hah, well, I aint quite anxious about peace, for, you see, since these soldier chaps have been abroad, we civilians have had it pretty much our own way with the gurls ! ' 400 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS WHEN RAILWAY COMPANIES FALL OUT THE PUBLIC DERIVE THE BENEFIT. For example, during some of the winter months, with a nice bracing north-east wind blowing, you may go to Man- chester and back for 55 an opportunity not to be lost. Oh, dear, no ! LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 401 QUITE TRUE. Fascinating Gent, (to precocious little girl) "You are a very nice little girl ; you shall be my wifey when you grow up." Little Girl" No thank you ; I don't want to have a hus- band. But Aunt Bessy does. I heard her say so ! " [Sensation on the part of Aunt Bessy.] 26 402 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A HOLIDAY. Of all the foolish things, the mere pun is perhaps the most foolish. Now, here's a fellow (probably a member of the St ck Exch ge) who, in spite of his really perilous con- dition, says that he " came out for a (w)hole holiday and has got it ! " LEECH S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 403 COLD IN THE HEAD. For a cold in the head, there is nothing like a steam bath, and this can be had in your own bedroom with the greatest ease. 404 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS TOUCHING. Groom (to old coachman) "Why, Edw'rd, what hever's the matter ? " Old Coachman (sobbing) " Ah, William ! Most affectin' sig'it ! I've just seen the four-in-hand club going down to Greenwich ! Ten on 'em ! Beautiful teams ! And driven by reg'lar tip-top swells \ It's bin a'most too much for me ! " [Is relieved by tears.] LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 405 A FISHING ADVENTURE. Master George and the dragon-flies, as they appeared to his excited imagination when he was out fishing the other day. 406 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS SELF-EXAMINATION. Party (slightly influenced)" Question ish, am I fit to go intodrawingroom ? Letsh shee ! I can say glonush con shyshusn ! Have seen Brish inshychusion all that sortothmg. Thatledo. Here gosh ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 407 DELICATE TEST. Elevated Party " A never think a fl'ear'shad t'much wine s'long as a windsup-ish wash ! " [Proceeds to perform that operation with a corkscrew.] 408 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT. Old Mr What's -his name " Egad ! I don't wonder at moustaches coming into fashion, for eh ! what ! by Jove, it does improve one's appearance I " T.KECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 409 CONCLUSIVE TABLE-TURNING EXPERIMENT MADE AT GREENWICH. " There, old fella ! Hope you're satisfied it goes round now !" " Oh, yesh ! There's no mistake ! " [These subjects are submitted, very respectfully, to the reverend (!) gentlemen who hold so much conversation with furniture.] 4 io LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS THE FARMYARD. Country Friend (to London friend, who is dressed within an inch of his life) "There, my boy, come and see this lovely^ pig, and then we'll go and look at the rest of the stock." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 411 A SUBURBAN DELIGHT. Dark Party (with a ticket-of-leave, of course) " Ax yer pardon, sir ! But if you was agoing down this dark lane, p'raps you'd allow me and this here young man to go along with yer, 'cos, yer see, there aint no perlice about, and we're so precious feared o' being garrotted ! " 412 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS JUVENILE ETYMOLOGY. Master Jack " Mamma, dear! Now, isn't this called kiss- mas time because everybody kisses everybody under the mistletoe ? Ada says it isn't." LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 413 PORTRAIT OF THE OLD PARTY WHO RATHER. LIKES ORGAN-GRINDING. LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS AX INJURED INDIVIDUAL. Simkins (who has missed his bird, but peppered Wilkins) " There, now, I've a dooced good mind to say that I'll never come out shooting with you again ; you're always getting in the way ! " LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS 415 PRACTICAL SCIENCE. Grandmamma " Well, Charley, and what have you been learning to-day?" Charley " Pneumatics, gran'ma ! And I can tell you such a dodge ! If I was to put you under a glass receiver, and exhaust the air, all your wrinkles would come out as smooth as gran 'papa's head ! " 416 LEECH'S HUMOROUS ILLUSTRATIONS A SHOCK. Mamma " Why, Tom, what are you doing with that nasty dust-pan and broom ? " Tom " Brother Fred told me to bring it in and sweep up all the h's Mrs Mopus had dropped about ! " (N.B. Great expectations from Mrs M). THE END. DC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY A 000108705 5