mmmm- 
 
 \ 
 
 ...' I 
 
 L3 
 
 ."•^•Jxf-^: 
 
 iigimsmmsKtsammmmm!^^m;i&&:fMMmiiii 
 
I5RARY ^ 
 
 NIVERSITY OF ! 
 CALIFORNIA^ 
 
LA PICARA JUSTIN A 
 
 THE 
 
 SPANISH JILT 
 
 iiransWeb from t|e frigind Spnislj 
 
 BY 
 
 Captain John Stevens 
 
 LONDON: 1707 
 
 ( Reprinted \%%<).) 
 
LOAN STACK 
 
 [Edition liinited to 2CX) copies.] 
 
/ S c; S 
 
 PUBLISHER'S PREFACE. 
 
 The Countjry Jilt, called in Spanish, La Picara 
 Justina, is not a translation, but rather an extract of 
 all that is diverting and good in the original, which is 
 swelled up with so much cant and reflection, as really 
 renders it tedious and unpleasant ; for which reason 
 all that unsavory part is omitted, and only so much 
 rendered into English as may be diverting and in- 
 structing. Her pranks may, perhaps, to some, seem 
 too vulgar, or mean, but they will do well to consider 
 she is but a country girl, and acts as such. It was 
 written by the licentiate Francisco de Ubeda, a native 
 of Toledo. 
 
 78 
 
THE 
 SPANISH JILT. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 She gives an Account of her Pedigree. 
 
 MY Father was born in a town they call Castillo de 
 Luna, in the Earldom of Luna \ and my Mother 
 at Zea ; but in case you know not where Zea is, I will inform 
 you. Zea is near Sabagun, a town where there is a most 
 magnificent Tun, not unlike that famous one of Heidelburg. 
 This Tun being always empty, is very loud and noisy, and 
 seems to cry for wheat and rye : for ever since it grew leaky 
 it has never held any liquor, but those two sorts of grain. 
 That last unfortunate year it was filled with new wine, and 
 held as much as drove a mill, when it was let out ; a glorious 
 sight. But if you do not know Zea by the neighbourhood 
 of this curious vessel ; it is a place that resembles a wallet ; 
 for at both ends of it there are several houses crowded to- 
 gether, and in the middle a bridge that join them together. 
 But that I may not lose any part of my genealogy, I will 
 
2 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 begin with my ancestors, both male and female, and then 
 descend to my parents. The truth is, my father might as 
 well have called me Mag, or Poll, for all my predecessors 
 were of talkative, prating professings, but he thought fit to 
 give me the name of Justina, because I was to support the 
 justice of the Jilting-trade, and from him I took the worship- 
 ful surname of Diez. 
 
 My father was son to one that cried Wafers about the 
 streets, and kept boys under him to ply in all parts ; all of 
 them carrying packs of cards about them for the mob to play 
 for Wafers ; and because he was the first that set this project 
 on foot, they called him the . Packer. He brought up the 
 crying of Turn ouby for a Farthing ; but in his days the wafers 
 were rolled up, and had several folds one within another, so 
 that they had some substance ; whereas now they are but a 
 single hollow shell. Thus we see there are cheats in all 
 trades ; the more is the pity. This grandfather of mine 
 allowed his emissaries to play with any gamesters at All- 
 fours, but no other game, because the cards were marked 
 and fitted for that sport, but would not so well serve at others. 
 A bhnd man would have gone a mile to see him shuffle and 
 pack the cards. He died at Barcelona, a watery death, 
 though he never delighted in that element ; but the fault 
 was in his tongue, for he happened to give a red haired fellow 
 some uncourteous words, who, in return, tipped him over a 
 narrow bridge, and the water he had so naturally abhorred 
 whilst living, took revenge on him at his death. My father 
 did not follow that trade, because he was too heavy and 
 
 ..^imxi^ 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 3 
 
 pot-bellied, which made him live retired at home, sewing 
 caps, and mending panniers for the Asturian carriers. - 
 
 My great grand-father kept a puppet-show in Sevil, and 
 it was reckoned the curiousest that ever had been seen in 
 that city. He was so little, that the only difference between 
 him and his puppets was, that they spoke through a trunk, 
 and he without one. He made such speeches before his 
 shows, that the audience could wish he had never done ; 
 for he had a tongue like a parrot, and a mouth like a 
 sparrow, so big, that some fancied he could draw his whole 
 body through it. All the apple-women, hawkers, and fish- 
 women, were so charmed with his wit among his puppets, 
 that they would run to hear him, without leaving any guard 
 upon their goods but their straw-hats. Unfortunate man, 
 being so like a cock-sparrow, he took to so many hens, that 
 when they had devoured his money, clothes, mules, and 
 puppets, they consumed his health, and left him like a naked 
 baby in an hospital. When he thought to have died soberly 
 he fell into a frenzy, to such a degree that one day he faa 
 cied he was a bull in the puppet-show ; and was to encountc 
 a -Stone cross that stood at the hospital door; and after 
 several essays in his shirt he made at the same cross, crying, 
 Now I have you. This said, he run his head so furiously 
 against the cross, that he dropped down and said no more. 
 The good hospital nurse, who was one of the family of the 
 Innocents, seeing him die in that manner, cried, O the 
 precious soul, he died at the foot of the cross, and directing 
 his discourse to it. 
 
4 THE SPANISH jiLT. 
 
 My father's great grandfather lived in happy days, and 
 was one of those that first brought the Art of Juggling and 
 Legerdemain into Spain. He married a tumbler and 
 vaulter, a woman excellently skilled in all sorts of vaulting, 
 and would play her part with any man. She, though above 
 fifty years of age, and troubled with the ptysick, died in the 
 air : her husband would not marry again, to avoid seeing 
 other women fly as she had done. He got so much money 
 by his trade, that men of honour and preferment took notice 
 of him ; for a certain person, who had at least two handfuls 
 of honour growing out above his head, and was afterwards 
 preferred to the gallows, grew so very familiar with him one 
 day that it might have cost him his life, and was thus : this 
 my Great Grandfather being one day showing his sleight of 
 hand, by way of jest, which he much delighted in, cried as 
 the gipsies do, Ware pockets, and at the same time levelled 
 at a purse, and the man, who was honourable by his wife, 
 hearing him, thought there had been a real plot against the 
 pence, and gave my juggler such a curious back stroke, that 
 he beat out two grinders, which were all he had left of that 
 sort, oversetting his hat, in which, at that time, half his im- 
 plements were lodged. My poor predecessor was unfortun- 
 ate in quarrels, for not long after, forgetting the past disaster, 
 he would still be exercising his wit, at which a hasty stander- 
 by was so displeased, that he showed him his fist in such an 
 undecent manner, as made the fore teeth he had left drop 
 out with fright, and so his gums were left quite destitute of 
 company. The unhappy artist, perceiving that after the loss 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 5 
 
 of his teeth he mumbled his words so wretchedly, that no 
 man understood him any more than if he had spoke Arabick, 
 retired for mere shame to a country house near Guadalupe, 
 where he took to drying of figs, and the sun finding him 
 round and withered, mistook him for an overgrown fig, so 
 parched him up, that his soul left him for want of moisture, 
 and he lay three days after he was dead in the orchard, with 
 the black birds about him singing his funeral dirges, for 
 want of better chaplains. 
 
 I can give no farther account of my ancestors by my 
 father's side, but that I suppose they were descended from 
 Mount Thabor : because their name was Taborda ; but those 
 who desire to know of them may search the Heralds Office, 
 where they will find them with the ancient families of the 
 Clodbeaters, who are lineally descended from Adam. My 
 kindred on my mother's side, are so well known, that the 
 very boys bear witness they are of the ancient race of Arabs, 
 who lorded it in Spain above seven hundred years, and still 
 speak broken Spanish after the manner of their relations in 
 Barbary. Thus far have I gone in the talkating pedigree of 
 Prateapace Justina, but I exceed them all, for they prated 
 when their profession required it, whereas my clack is the 
 perpetual motion, and never lies still. 
 
 But to come to my mother's genealogy, her father was a 
 barber, who had spent many royals in scurvy cuts of mon- 
 keys and cats, old scutcheons, and painted paper, to paste 
 about his shop, for want of hangings. His head was not 
 overwell furnished, but for other necessaries as basons, blood- 
 
6 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 ing dishes, and such utensils he did not want. He never 
 trimned a man but he had a story ready at his finger's ends. 
 His morning exercise was a lesson on a guitar, and he would 
 sometimes put by a good beard to trim his dapple. All his 
 delight was in plays, and it cost him his life ; for going to 
 Malaga to act a scurvy part, a tile fell from the top of a house 
 which put an end to his representations. 
 
 My Great Grandfather was by trade a Vizor-maker, and 
 lived at Plasencia, where he got considerably by hiring out 
 of masks, morrice-bells, and such like trumpery for Fairs and 
 country Sports. But he made the most of his morrice-bells, 
 which he lent out to country dancers, for the poor simple 
 Clod-pates, being always in haste to carry away their clothes 
 to make themselves fine, were apt to misreckon, and when 
 they came back, being at leisure, they paid for all. His wife, 
 at spare times, sold mead, which she happening to give him 
 to drink too cold, when he was in a heat, his soul took pet 
 to be so used, and withdrew into the other world. 
 
 My mother's great grandfather played upon a Tabor and 
 Pipe at Malpartida, a town near Plasencia, and yet no more 
 like that city than if it stood in China. Upon great festivals 
 they thought themselves happy who could secure him ; for 
 he would make a tabor speak, though not all he knew, for 
 that might have cost him dear. All the wenches strove to be 
 in his favour, because under the colour of piping, he was an 
 excellent match-maker. No part of him was idle, for whilst 
 he played with his mouth, his eyes promoted matrimony, 
 and in the turn of a hand he would spit out half a score 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 7 
 
 brides and bridegrooms. "The truth is, there was not so 
 much disturbance about weddings in those days as there is 
 at present, when there is such abundance of impertinence 
 requisite to marry to the purpose. To give him his due, 
 this ancestor of mine might better have been called the 
 beadle to weddings, than a taborer. This the good man 
 did to get a living, and provide for his children, as he did ; 
 for he left them a tabor full of farthings and half-pence, which 
 in those days, was a considerable treasure ; and to secure it 
 against all attacks, he hung it on a high pole, like an honour- 
 able trophy, telling everybody he did not take it down, be- 
 cause it was intailed on the family by his father, who had 
 followed the same trade, and therefore he honoured it, and 
 though old and patched would not take a hundred new ones 
 for it. This good man died unfortunately ; for as he was 
 walking in state on a great festival, at the head of above a 
 hundred pipers, that then used to meet at Plasencia, playing 
 on his tabor and pipe, an upstart gentleman, whom he had 
 disappointed of an intrigue with a girl of about eighteen, in 
 revenge, gave him such a blow on the end of his pipe, that 
 he struck it into his throat, where it stuck till a vintner drew 
 it out with all his might and main, but so that the poor ta- 
 borer never piped more, but he died in his calling, which 
 was much impaired by his loss, for there never was the fellow 
 of him since in all that country. 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 Her Father and Mother's Excellent Qualities, and the In- 
 structions they gave her. 
 
 My father and mother did not think fit to follow such 
 stirring employments as their ancestors had done, because 
 they were both tun-bellied, and therefore judged it better 
 to get their living in a sedentary way. Accordingly they set 
 up an inn at Mansilla, a town in the kingdom of Leon, on 
 the road to, and near the city of that name. My father 
 would not open his inn till his daughters were grown up 
 lusty wenches, and fit for service, considering that the busi- 
 ness of an inn is enough to break a woman's back, unless 
 she has some to assist her. When he opened we were three 
 sisters, like the three graces, clever girls, that understood 
 business, well agreed in publick^ but among ourselves every 
 one drew her own way. They were no fools, and yet I was 
 sharper than both of them. I saw into all their contrivan- 
 ces, but my tricks were mere legerdemain to them. My 
 brothers went abroad to seek their fortunes, and took to the 
 army ; only little Nicky stayed at home, an ingenuous lad, 
 who knew how to get sixpence clear when they sent him but 
 for a groat's worth of wine ; the case was, he would sell the 
 
THE SPANISH JILT, 9 
 
 pitcher for twopence, and pretend he had broke it and spilt 
 the wine. He was kept at home to water guest's horses and 
 mules, and to run on errands at night, which we girls were 
 net allowed to do, by reason there were country gallants in 
 the town, who chiefly haunted the streets where the inns are, 
 because the choice women belonged to them. I remember, 
 I took a fancy one night to fetch wine from a tavern that 
 was near the church-yard, and for my diligence my father 
 measured my back with the pitcher I carried, and because I 
 pleaded I had commission so to do from my mother, he took 
 the length and breadth of her ribs with the same pot, leaving 
 us both in such a condition, that we smelt strong of plaisters 
 and searcloths for half a year after. However my good fa- 
 ther made amends for all this severity, with his wholesome 
 advice. I shall never forget the speech he made us the day 
 he opened ; the Lord bless him, wheresoever he is, for his 
 ingenuity, I could almost weep to think of it, but that I am 
 not now at leisure to shed tears, but I will give you his 
 harrangue, which was as follows. Children, take heed that 
 the License* for keeping an inn, and the rate set upon pro- 
 vender, be always hung up very high and fast ; let no chest, 
 bench, chair, or joint-stool be near it, or any other thing to 
 climb or rest on, lest any scoundrel presume to reckon with- 
 out his host, and to examine by the set rate whether I exact 
 for my goods, for by Jove, I did not get my money by roar- 
 
 * None can keep an inn in Spain without a license. All Provender is 
 rated by the magistrates. 
 
 ■I I Bw^ii r ■ ' 
 
lO THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 ing. Let no man examine my conscience and put me into 
 a sweat. Never measure the barley* in sight, but be sure to 
 keep the bin in a close dark room, and she that measures 
 the corn must always turn her back upon him that asks for 
 it. Let the measures always lie in the bin, that you may have 
 done measuring before they can turn them about : you need 
 not keep the streek to strike the peck within the bin, for if 
 you understand business, your hand will do the work. If 
 you should happen to be in haste, or that the barley is dear, 
 or else, through zeal for your father's profit, you shall think 
 fit to measure at will, or to strike by the eye, you may freely 
 do so, for your hands are better than a half peck, and your 
 eyes worth a thousand streeks. Therefore I charge you 
 always to keep the barley in an obscure place, and never to 
 hold up the top of the bin with anything but your heads, 
 that they may not have the opportunity of peeping into it; 
 for it is not fit than when an honest girl has the measure in 
 her hand, any man should pry into her dimensions. Besides, 
 that a half peck is not bound to be infallible, or ever to 
 stand upright, for it will He as well on its side as on the bot- 
 tom. When barley happens to be dear, you know a little 
 soaking makes it swell, and 'tis ne'er the worse, but rather 
 the better for cattle that are troubled with the lampas ; and 
 still the inn keeper thrives, if it passes, and he is not taken 
 in the fact. When it is dear, or whether it be dear or cheap, 
 
 * The cattle there eal bailey instead of oates. 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. II 
 
 is all one, do not fail to have some chaff at hand to mix with 
 the barley ; for if they believe it, that is the flower, if not 'tis 
 the husk of the barley, let them e'en blow and fan it as old 
 women do on the threshing floors ; besides, if the beasts 
 are good they eat all, and if they are bad the worst is too 
 good for them. When a guest asks you, Landlady, what 
 have you to eat ? I charge you on the duty of your employ- 
 ment, that you never say you have anything they ask for, 
 though it be in the house, but make a difficulty of getting it> 
 for every man sets a rate upon what he finds in the house. 
 When you bring what they ask for, tell them you were forc'd 
 to beg and pray for it at a neighbour's ; that the neighbour 
 may be paid for the meat, and you for the sauce and kind- 
 ness. Be witty with the guests, but do not use multiplicity 
 of words ; I will not prescribe impossibilities, but whoever 
 you talk with, keep your distance, for a woman is best afar 
 off, being like a wax image, a picture not dry, a tinsel gar- 
 ment, puff paste, a dead body that has lain many ages, which 
 as soon as you touch them are put out of shape, spoiled and 
 fall to nothing. Show your wit and diligence, and break your 
 jests before eating, for travellers draw all their bills upon the 
 meal, and when the table is taken away, you may reckon 
 the bank is broke. You must observe the first or second 
 dish that is brought up, whether they send your mother any 
 thing ; for it they do not, you may plead she is with child, 
 and longs ; for any man, though never so hard of belief, see- 
 ing her belly, will believe it, and none will be so uncharit- 
 able as to refuse her, for fear of destroying an infant : do 
 
12 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 not you fear they will question it, for everybody credits a 
 likely girl ; nay, they will believe you, though you should tell 
 them I am with child. But lest you should complain that 
 all the advice I give is for my own ends, mind me, when 
 you wait at table pull a hard crust out of your pocket and 
 fall a mumbling of it, which will move them to invite you to 
 something better ; yet if this trick should fail, because there 
 are some at table only mind their knitting, call in a female 
 neighbour, on pretence of selling something, that may move 
 them to make you a present, whether you need it or not ; 
 always, provided you and she are to go snacks, and every 
 dog to have his day. When you have tried all your wiles, 
 and nothing more is to be got, let the poor come in, but 
 first those that do any service about the house, and if these 
 do not succeed, you are allowed to plead for them. When 
 anything is given you, do not wait for more, for it is looked 
 upon as a small miracle to see liberality repeated. As soon 
 as ever you have fleeced them withdraw, and do as the cat 
 does, who, when she has catched a mouse, looks not imme- 
 diately for another, till she has aired herself a while. Vanish 
 that moment, do no let them think you are mercenary, or 
 that you pay rent for what is given gratis. As soon as one 
 is gone, let the next come in and use the same slights till all 
 is over. She that uncovers the table must look very demure, 
 lest they take her as an hostage for the other that fled. By 
 my advice she that has received least must take away, and 
 look very peevish and out of humour, which some will be- 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. IJ 
 
 lieve to proceed from jealousie, others from envy ; and if any 
 thing of httle value be given her,she must not take it,but say, 
 pray, sir, leave it on the table, quickly, for I am in haste to 
 be gone about my business, and will give it to some poor 
 body; then let her wrap it up in the cloth, for all that is in it 
 is her due. Snatch up all you find upon the cloth, lest some 
 servant come and prevent you. For the better managing of 
 this point, you must contrive to keep the servants employed 
 in something that may please them, whilst you gather in 
 your harvest, for whatever you convey out of sight is all 
 your dwn. 
 
 When the cloth is taken away, generally guests use to 
 break their jests, and make themselves merry at a poor 
 wrenches cost. This is the time of danger, fly girls from all 
 wit upon a full stomach, as soon as the clacks begin to run 
 loud take to your heels, and if you find them move hands or 
 feet, talk loud, which is as good as calling for help; yet if 
 that will not do, look out and cry Nicky, Nicky, and I shall 
 be sure to hear, and come in, looking as demure as a whore 
 at a christening. Fear nothing, for when they see me come 
 in so grave, all will be hushed. My girls, if only one of you 
 happens to be at home, she must act all the three parts ; be- 
 fore eating she must fawn like a lap-dog ; at dinner be as 
 sharp as a grey-hound ; and when all is done, fly like a 
 hare. 
 
 I charge you honour all things that come into the house, 
 I do not mean the men, for you must dance as they pipe, 
 and treat them as they deserve ; and everyone of them knows 
 
14 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 how to commend and extol himself, but you must honour 
 those things which cannot talk, and stand up for themselves. 
 If you have a dead cat, honour it, saying it is a hare ; call 
 an old cock a capon, a young rook a pigeon, a trout a sal- 
 mon, and a salmon a sturgeon. Never say the fruit grows 
 about the town, for that is debasing of it ; but that the trees 
 came from Japan, and are kept up by art in the King's gar' 
 den. Never grudge titles of honour, but call the clown 
 worshipful, and the squire right honourable. When you 
 make a pie, be sure it be large enough, that what you put 
 into it may swell, and if it does not, still the shell represents 
 the bulk of the content. Never say your linen is foul, for 
 that is scandalous in Spain. Since it is the custom for 
 guests to feel whether the sheets are stiff, to discover 
 whether they are clean, as if it were the fashion to starch 
 them ; do you always take care to sprinkle and put them in 
 the press, which will make them handle as if they came 
 fresh from the laundress. I allow you by day to go fetch 
 wine, and run of other errands to public places; but be not 
 like a maid I had, who, when I sent her to the next pastry- 
 cook, went to the farther end of the town, and if I chid her, 
 answered. This is all the thanks I have for waiting to have 
 the pasties piping hot out of the oven. I once gave her halt 
 a piece of eight to bring what she thought fit for dinner, and 
 she laid out all the money in medlars ; when I found fault, 
 and asked her, how she could bring such trash for dinner. 
 She answered, Did you not bid me bring what I thought fit? 
 and this is what I liked best. Do you contrive better than 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 15 
 
 that silly wench. When any guest bids you fetch him wine, 
 ask him aloud, how much he will have, for he will call for 
 more than he wants, if he sees a great pot, or is afraid of be- 
 ing thought niggardly ; and they are in the right, for if the 
 wine is good there is no danger it should be lost, and if bad, 
 it serves for sallads. They are in the right, I say, and God 
 bless them for it, because whatever a man saves at home, 
 serves to honour him abroad, and to content a poor wench 
 that takes pains to please him. Be sure one of you always 
 stand at the door very tight and neatly dressed, for a hand- 
 some maid at the door of an inn is the best call, especially 
 in the evening by candle light. You must take particular 
 care to be diligent when the guests talk of playing, for that 
 is a certain revenue. An inn keeper, who was my friend, 
 used to say, that cards, dice, and box-money, were the best 
 friends to an inn. I have a pack by me that has been in 
 play above forty times, and never came back without half 
 a piece of eight. Though they be never so poor, who ask 
 for cards, furnish them ; let it not be said that you despise 
 the poor. I must confess, I heard an ingenious fellow say, 
 that the inventor of cards allowed but three coated ones in 
 a suit, which are king, queen, and knave, to denote that none 
 but princes, great ladies, and sharpers ought to play at them; 
 But a stander-by replied, good Mr. Numskull, don't you ob- 
 serve there are diamonds, hearts, clubs and spades, in the 
 suits ? Why, those, let me tell you, denote all sorts of peo- 
 ple, rich and poor, gentlemen and peasants. What do you 
 think of the answer ? It was I that made it. Do you 
 
tS THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 therefore deprive no man of his right ; let all men play with 
 the same cards, till there be a proclamation to command all 
 great men to pay a crown a pack for them, and the poor two 
 royals. 
 
 By this you may guess what a master my father was at his 
 trade, and since you have a specimen of him, it is fit you un- 
 derstand what a spouse he had. I don't question but you'll 
 bless yourself when you hear what a mother I had : but how 
 can I help it ? I did not make her. To say the truth, she was 
 more sparing of her tongue than her good husband ; we were 
 to know everything she would have done by her looks, for 
 her eyes were the perpetual motion and spoke for her. She 
 was wonderful thoughty, and ever diving into our imagina- 
 tions. I was obliged to her because she pretended to love 
 me better than my sisters, and she had reason so to do, for I 
 kept all her secrets, and some were of such a nature, that 
 had my father known the least of them, he had broke her 
 legs, and, perhaps, had done her no wrong ; but I was never 
 a blab of my tongue, like others, who are so big with a se- 
 cret that they can never rest till they are delivered of it. Her 
 charity was so great that she would take the meat from her 
 own mouth to give it to those she never saw before. The 
 truth is, they paid dearly for it, because she did not stand 
 for price, though it was never so high. She dealt much in 
 pies, because it was impossible to know what was in them, 
 scraps pass for gibblets, and jackdaws for pigeons, and yet 
 no body could lay anything to her charge, or accuse her, as 
 they did the country fellow who cut out his ass and sold it in 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 17 
 
 the shambles, and when the people went to his house for 
 more meat, a young son he had, cried, The devil go with 
 you, do you think my father has an ass to cut out every day ? 
 None had a better way of borrowing half a beast's provinder, 
 and giving it a note to receive it at the next inn. As for the 
 poor she took so much compassion on them, that she would 
 not let one come into the house, because she not endure to 
 see them starve for want of money ; aud to give her her due, 
 she could have wished that all the guests who came into her 
 house had been very rich, and able to show their generosity. 
 She never dressed any meat without exacting a duty from it, 
 or so much as roasted a fowl but she picked a taste out of 
 it, though she were fain to scorch and daub over the place 
 to disguise it. She promoted frigasies and hashed meats, 
 because in them the defects would not be discovered, and 
 all the scraps went to the making up of the dish. No^;^ was 
 she over curious in dressing or seasoning them, alledging 
 that the guests always took the will for the deed, and sup- 
 posed it rather want of knowledge than affection. Then 
 they eat the less, and cry, Here, pretty maid, take away, lay 
 that by for your own dinner. My good mother advised us 
 to look very demure and innocent, and assure them, We 
 had spared no cost in seasoning of it, which, if a man was 
 anything generous, could not but move him to drop a small 
 piece. It would be endless to set down all her slights of 
 hand, and the excellent instructions she gave us. 
 
 This was the inheritance I received from my father and 
 mother. Such as I received, I deal out, and I teach what 
 
l8 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 I learnt. The eagles make their young ones look steadfastly 
 on the sun, because their eyes are moist and weak, and the 
 sun dries and strengthens them, so that they afterwards dis- 
 cover their prey from a prodigious height, and stooping, on 
 a sudden fall down upon it like a thunderbolt. My mother 
 did so by me, she cleared my tender eyes that I might dis- 
 cover my prey at a great distance, and seize it, though 
 never so remote. The truth is, I was an apt scholar, and 
 took everything ofi' hand. There are many that starve 
 themselves to have their children well taught at schools; but 
 my parents had no other learning but griping and sharping, 
 and that they could teach us without cost, better than any 
 other. I will tell you a tale to this purpose. One who had 
 been a scurvy soldier, resolving to get his bread at an easier 
 j-ate, put himself into a more sanctified habit, with a large 
 greasy flapping hat, a little precise band, an antiquated coat 
 a threadbare waistcoat, a slovenly pair of breeches, and 
 slouching shoes ; he looked down, shrugged his shoulders, 
 talked Httle and low, and moved by clock work. Under 
 this disguise he crept in to be pedagogue and tutor to 
 some lads, cheating them all of their learning. The person 
 he choused most was a gentleman, who entrusted him with 
 a son to breed up, telling him, he charged him to take 
 special care of his child's education, because he was unruly; 
 and to teach him all he knew that was good. The honest 
 preceptor promised so to do, and was as good as his word, 
 for the third day after he instructed his pupil after this man- 
 ner. Mind me, my lad, do you take me for one of the 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 1 9 
 
 seven wise men of Greece 1 If you do, you are deceived. 
 Do you think all is gold that glitters ? If you do, you mis- 
 take. Do you think 'tis the habit that makes the monk ? 
 If you do, you are wrong. Do you think I am what I ap- 
 pear to be ? If you do, you are out. By the Lord Harry, 
 would I hang myself to inform you, I know nothing that is 
 good, but only two tricks ; the one peaceable, the other mar- 
 tial : the peaceable is to look out sharp, try all, pump the 
 cully, and spare none ; by the same token here's the pack of 
 cards. The martial is of the same sort ; take the sword, keep 
 a stiff arm, look to your point, stand fast. The pupil made 
 so great an improvement, that within a very few days, they 
 both ran away together to Seville, living, along the road, on 
 what they stole, and at Seville they stole what they lived on. 
 Thus, reader, you may see, every man teaches what he knows, 
 though every man does not know what he teaches. 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 The strange Death of her Father atid Mother ; their funerals ; 
 and her first Ramble o?i a Pilgrimage. 
 
 It is an old saying, that people die as they live ; bating 
 that they live by breathing, and die for want of breath. I 
 will not instance Jezzabel, and other stories of Holy Writ, 
 because it is not fit to soar so high, for fear of falling. I 
 can make bold with Diomedes, King of Thrace, who may 
 serve turn, for he used to feed his horses with the flesh of 
 conquered kings, and Hercules treated his dogs with his 
 flesh. Herodias is also for my purpose, for she dancing and 
 capering, ordered a head to be cut off", and sunk herself as 
 she was dancing, and had her head cut off" by the ice. My 
 father always took special care to foist in a good proportion 
 of chaff" among the barley he measured out for the horses, as 
 he had instructed us to do at the first opening of his Inn. 
 One day he charged me to lade in the chaff" more bountiful 
 than usual, and I, like a dutiful child, was not at all sparing. 
 It was an unlucky thought, for my father did not observe 
 that we were over-heard by a sharp north-country gentleman, 
 who stood by the door, and for whose horses the barley was 
 to be so well powdered. They fell to words, and my father 
 being out of countenance, threw the helve after the hatchet. 
 
 \ 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 21 
 
 The gentleman being a person of honour, drew, not his 
 sword, but a half-peck, for there were enough of them in the 
 house, and gave him such a stroke with it on the pole, that 
 his soul flew out into the measure, and the body dropped 
 down for want of it. Thus you may see he lived by the half- 
 peck and died by it. This I may say of him, that he died 
 like a bird, and was so loth to be troublesome, or expensive, 
 that all his sickness did not cost a groat. The gentleman, 
 showed he was well bred, for as soon as my father was down, 
 he begged his pardon, declaring he meant no harm, and 
 giving him much more courtly language ; and had not my 
 father been dead, he could never have justified not returning 
 him his compliments. The gentleman was courteous and 
 generous, and perceiving his mistake, to comfort us, gave 
 every one in the family three pieces of eight, and twelve to 
 my lady mother ; taking notice how patiently she bore that 
 misfortune till she saw how he would behave himself towards 
 her and us. His money, and my mother's commands 
 obliged us to give out, that no body had hurt rny father, or 
 touched a hair of his head ; which was true, because he was 
 bald, but that he had tumbled down the stairs, as he was 
 wont to do at other times. This account prevented all 
 farther enquiry, so we put him into his winding-sheet, which 
 was so bad that his skin appeared througliit in several places, 
 and my mother and I bad some words about it. We had 
 thoughts of going into mourning, but forbore, because niy 
 mother being fat, thought it would not become her. All 
 that afternoon she did not receive any compliments of con- 
 
28 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 dolence, alleging, that her husband was in the house still, 
 and she would not see company. So we shut up our doors, 
 like true mourners, and though we had been inclinable to 
 have watched by the dead body, we could not, because as 
 soon as the north-country gentleman saw the doors shut, he 
 invited us to a good supper ; which my mother, considering 
 we were by ourselves, accepted. The truth is, she said. Sir, 
 we are many of us, you must either treat all or none. The 
 gentleman was honourable, he consented ; we all withdrew 
 and left a little dog we had to watch my father. The devil 
 of a cur smelling the roast meat, began to bark and howl to 
 be let out, and finding nobody answered, went to complain 
 to his master, who taking no notice, he thought fit to whis- 
 per in his ear, which being deaf he gnawed it off, and lest 
 the other should complain nibbled it clear away, and some 
 part of the face with it. To say the truth, when I came in 
 and saw him so scarrified, it moved me to compassion, and 
 I had thought my mother might be touched with some such 
 feeling, but that I heard her say, A pox of so much mortal- 
 ity, where shall I find a needle and thread now to sew up 
 this dead body. We patched up the shroud the best we 
 could, but there was no mending of the flesh, and so we re- 
 solved to bury him peacably. My mother made no more 
 disturbance than if she had been the dead corpse ; and the 
 gentleman told her, that if she offered to open her mouth, he 
 would impeach her for having thrown her husband to the 
 dogs. She knew what was best for her. What could, we 
 do } He was dead ; the loss was not great ; we all knew 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 23 
 
 what was to be done as well as he, and we could not well 
 spare my mother ; the gentleman was civil, my father pro- 
 voked him ; and had we prosecuted him for the murder it 
 had only helped to enrich the lawyers, make ourselves poor, 
 and loose the pieces of eight he gave us without any trouble 
 All that remained was to lay him under ground, desiring the 
 earth, as it conceals so many gross faults, committed by 
 doctors and apothecaries, to hide one small oversight of a 
 gentleman, and a half-peck. 
 
 We cried but very little at the funeral, as being altogether 
 unprovided for it ; besides that, my mother's eyes were 
 naturally dry, and we could not weep unless Mammy began, 
 and so it went on in course ; and though she had began, we 
 might, perhaps, have failed keeping time with her, being 
 busy looking that our long veils were not daggled, for it was 
 winter then, and we had to restore the veils to the owners as 
 soon as the show was over. In short, we carried the corjDse 
 to church faster than he would have gone himself if alive, 
 and coming home, all things were right again. I believe my 
 mother, concerned to see her husband overcome by death, 
 had some thoughts of revenging him, but that merciless 
 enemy was too hard, and stopped her breath, after this 
 manner. 
 
 She was a great lover of broiled meat, especially of black, 
 puddings and steaks. One evening, spying some puddings 
 half broiled, and a dish of steaks on the gridiron, she com- 
 mandedthem to come down, they pleaded they were not 
 ready, and unfit for service; which provoked her to use 
 
24 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 violence, whilst they cried out for help in a doleful manner 
 to their master, who was a fellow that dealt in bacon at 
 Valladolid, and being then absent heard not their lamenta- 
 tion. My mother incensed at their obstinacy, took them 
 down by main force, and committed a considerable part to 
 her belly, the rest of them quaking for fear. By this time 
 their master came to their assistance, and she, for fear of 
 a discovery, crammed in half a yard of pudding, which being 
 thrust down too hastily, stopped up the passage, so that 
 there was no' moving forwards or backwards, .nor could she 
 speak or breathe. The bacon-monger began to enquire 
 after his provender, but she could return no answer ; and the 
 best of it was, that a long piece of pudding hung out at her 
 mouth, so that she looked like a bear in heraldry, armed 
 and langued. We called out for help to remove the pudding, 
 and the bacon-man's servants were for ramming it down, 
 with a spit, to revenge the wrong she had done them ; but 
 he being of a milder disposition, thought better to open the 
 passage with a long pointed horn. In fine, she was so tor- 
 mented that her soul took flight ; and I could not but ad- 
 mire how it got out when the way so close stopped. It 
 was a saying of a notorious house-breaker, that a thief's soul 
 will not get out unless drawn with a rope ; and my mother, 
 who had no small skill in that profession, dispatched hers by 
 the help of a yard of pudding. 
 
 I bewailed my mother's death in moderation, for my eyes 
 were stopped as well as her throat, and the tears would not 
 out. It is likely that was a dry season, and the eyes had no 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 25 
 
 moisture, what few tears appeared being like heat drops. No 
 wonder, I was sensible I could now make a shift without a 
 mother, who at my father's funeral taught me to be sparing 
 of money and tears. The smock I pu.t her on had but one 
 sleeve, to hide which defect, I thrust both her arms into it, 
 nor was it too long lest it might entangle her feet. My 
 sisters wept sparingly, because I being the eldest they all 
 took example by me, and every one observed her turn. We 
 kept time exactly, and as one came up the other went down, 
 like buckets in a well. What troubled me most was, that 
 the house smelt of blaqk puddings a month after ; and all 
 the way they carried her to church, the people had nothing 
 else in their noses. We took little care of praying for her 
 soul, believing the poor parish-children we gave bread to 
 would ease us of that duty ; for we distributed a peck loaf 
 among an hundred of them that came from all parts, con- 
 cluding that was a sufficient discharge. As for the money 
 there was in the house, we did not think fit to bestow one 
 cross of it on the church, considering it was ill gotten, and 
 therefore not fit to be bestowed on God, lest it should be 
 said, that we stole the sheep, and gave him the skin. 
 
 The true lamentation began among us, when my brothers 
 returned out of Italy all in rags, and without any shame took 
 all the power out of our hands, and rifled the treasure, 
 searching every corner of the house, as if they had been 
 plundering of infidels, for fear anything might be concealed. 
 We had no other defence but our tears, which then broke 
 loose, having been stopped before, for being young beginners 
 
26 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 we were not provided with bullies of our own ; had it 
 happened at this time, I could have matched them with a 
 dozen bravoes that would have spit fire ; but my sisters did 
 not stand by me, and from that time we never set our horses 
 together. 
 
 My father and mother being now dead, and my brothers 
 in possession of what they had left, I laid hold of this oppor- 
 tunity to go about a saint-erring from one pilgrimage to 
 another, on pretence of praying for the souls departed ; but 
 in reality, in hopes of making my own advantage. The first 
 I undertook, after my father's death, was to Arenillas, of 
 which I will give a particular account, because of some re- 
 markable passages in it. Arenillas is a town near Cisneros, 
 which is a liberty within itself, where an arch knave said, 
 he had asked the devil, whether he understood its privileges 
 and imrnunities ? Who answered, he had spent a whole 
 whole night in perusing them, and was never the wiser. I 
 set out on this pilgrimage in the evening, and got to Arenillas 
 the next day at noon, where I was well pleased to see the 
 plain filled with country fellows in their clean shirts, which 
 are the greatest gaiety in that country. The first thing I 
 did, was to send my modesty a hundred miles on an errand ; 
 and having cast an eye over all the company, began to fancy 
 myself in another world. Having observed there was danc- 
 ing at a distance, I could not contain myself, but began to 
 tune my castanets before I got out of the cart, making them 
 rattle, and giving half a score skips in my chariot. This 
 was such a natural impulse, and so sudden and unthought 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 87 
 
 for, that when I came to myself, and reflected that the cas- 
 tanets had sounded, had I not seen they were in ray hands, 
 I durst have sworn they had played of themselves, as the 
 famous bell of Belilla, in the kingdom of Aragon, is reported 
 to ring itself without any help, before any extraordinary 
 accidents. I had heard, that when two instruments are ex- 
 actly tuned alike, the one being played on, the other will 
 answer without being touched j and now found that my 
 castanets being nicely tuned to answer any tabor, they flew 
 out and rattled of their own accord ; like the fool at 
 Plasencia, who being hid under the bed by a lady, as soon 
 as her gallant came in, started out, and cried, Here am 
 I. A cousin of mine who drove the cart, and loved dancing 
 as well as another, fearing the castanets i»ight frighten his 
 young mules, reproved me for playing ; saying, I was little 
 concerned for the death of my father and mother, that I 
 could so merrily clatter my snappers. Had my modesty been 
 about me at this time, I might have been out of countenance 
 but having sent it on an errand, as 1 said before, I snapped 
 him up very short, saying, I hope my father's soul is in 
 heaven, and God keep him there, for he was such a prying 
 busy-body, that I don't question but, if he might, he would 
 come to observe every motion of ours as well as his nephew. 
 What a noise is here about a stroke of a castanet, and all 
 this while I believe you dream and fancy the ringing of the 
 the bells to church are castanets. By my troth, quoth a 
 master of the noble science of defence, who stood by, it is 
 pleasant to talk of ringing to church at this time, when the 
 priest is at his last prayer, and hurrying it over to be gone 
 
28 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 to a wedding-dinner. For all his prating we went on to the 
 church, where we took what was left ; and though it was but 
 little, I prayed for the souls of my relations, for the church, 
 the Royal Family, Peace and Unity of Christian Princes, &c. 
 It is true, my prayer was short ; for I thought few words 
 were best. 
 
 Coming out of the church, I walked through a lane of 
 clowns, drawn up on both sides to admire me, for I was 
 very fine, and made a great show. I had a large pair of 
 coral beads, every one of them big enough for a tennis-ball ; 
 my short waist-coat was open before, so that my shift 
 appeared at my breast and round my waist, though not very 
 fine, yet stitched with black, and looked gay ; my girdle 
 glittered in the sun as it had been all 'silver ; my red coat 
 was so gaudy, it drew the eyes of all the company ; and I 
 fancying myself much admired, walked as stiff as if a stake 
 had been drove through me, and as proud as a horse with 
 bells. I beheld all my attendance with scorn ; for we women 
 are like spaniels, the worse we are used, the more we love ; 
 and the more we are courted, the more we slight. Among 
 the rest, a fellow that sold bacon, and himself as fat as a 
 hog, clung close to my side, without speaking a word for a 
 long time, but every now and anon would cast a pair of great 
 goggling eyes on me, and with every glance a belch. At 
 length he broke silence, saying, Let us breakfast together. 
 Mistress Justina, I have bread and wine, bacon and hung- 
 beef. I answered. Hey, Ree, Woe. He replied. Who do 
 you talk to, forsooth 1 To my ass, said I, that is close by 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 29 
 
 me. He believed it. There was no getting him away ; 
 nothing would remove him ; he clung as close as a bear ; 
 and whatever I could say the fool would not leave me. 
 Finding no way to shake him off, I said, Show yourself Hke 
 a gentleman, walk about ; see what this place affords ; and 
 buy me a curious jeat ring, and then you shall see what I 
 will do for you. Thus I sent him a ring-hunting, whilst I 
 hasted to hide myself from him for ever after. I never 
 met with such a numskull lover ; he had not one word to 
 express his passion; all his courtship was nothing but belches, 
 which might have turned the strongest stomach. I am quite 
 ashamed that such a calf should take a liking to me, I had 
 rather he should have slighted and found fault with me ; like 
 a gentleman who quarrelled with a railing foul-mouthed 
 fellow, saying to him, I have been told you find fault with 
 all the honest men of this town, and talk ill of them, and 
 that I alone am in your favour, and well spoken of by you. 
 Now I vow to the Lord, that if ever you speak well of me 
 again, I will make an example of you, for I am ashamed to 
 be in favour with one that mislikes so many worthy persons. 
 So that it troubles me to think that such an ignoramus should 
 have had a kindness for me. In short, I made haste to 
 abscond, and got under our cart, with the rest of my kin- 
 dred. 
 
CHAPTER IV. 
 
 The Feast under the Cart. The Rape coimnitted on Justina 
 by the Scholars ; and how she worsted them all. 
 
 Having shaken off my clodpate gallant, and being with 
 my relations under the pavillion of our cart, we seated our- 
 selves on the carpet of grass. I had a parcel of envious she 
 cousins with me, who thought they could never be too kind 
 to their he-cousins, and they treated them accordingly ; but 
 I scorned them all, and made them respect me ; for I ever 
 found women purchase that cheapest which they value least. 
 However, I thought fit to let my clack run, and ply them 
 with witticisms, though I was much in the wrong, for these 
 are all lost among kindred and clowns. We fell upon the 
 gammon of bacon, and legs of mutton stuffed with cloves 
 andgarlick, and washed them down, plentifully with wine ; 
 for in my country the girls take it naturally, before they are 
 well weaned. At first we were all hushed, like gossips at a 
 christening ; but when the juice of the grape had warmed 
 our skulls, we were all talkers and no hearers. The truth 
 is, I struck up first, or else it had been a silent meeting, and 
 put abundance of riddles to them. Among the rest I asked 
 them, What eatable thing it was which was all flesh, and yet 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 31 
 
 the skin of it was cut before the flesh ? They stood mute, 
 and I told them it was a gizzard of a fowl, at which they 
 stared as if they had been thunder-struck. Then I asked^ 
 What it was that when most loaded weighed least? They 
 were all aground, till I told them it was a man's body, which 
 when best fed is lighter than when hungry and starving. 
 This was most surprising and wonderful to them, and they 
 applauded every word I said, laying me upon the back, I 
 put many more questions to them, which they could make 
 no more of, than if I had talked Arabic, which heightened 
 my pride, and raised their envy, till they foiled me with my 
 own weapon ; for thinking to come over two of the com- 
 pany, the one for eating, and the other for drinking, I shot 
 a bolt that retorted upon me. I dare lay a wager, said I, 
 you cannot tell me why Apelles painted a dog by Ceres, the 
 goddess of corn, and an ape by Bacchus, the god of wine. 
 One of my female cousins, who had heard me unriddle this 
 before, being thus armed against me, to exercise her envy, 
 answered, A mighty piece of wisdom, indeed, I cannot for- 
 bear any longer to stop your mouth, since you take such a 
 liberty of prating, for we can talk as well as you, but we are 
 wiser than to let our tongues run so fast. The dog and the 
 ape are two creatures Nature framed for the diversion of 
 man, and therefore they are allotted to Ceres the goddess of 
 corn, and Bachus the god of wine, to denote that when 
 people have eaten and drank they are fit to divert themselves, 
 for as the poet says ; — 
 
 Unless bread and wine invite us, 
 Sports and women don't delight us. 
 
32 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 I was quite dashed to be thus taken in my own snare, yet 
 would have been well pleased had this diappointment come 
 single, but it is a true saying, That crosses never come alone ; 
 for as soon as my kinswoman had thus mortified me, a kins, 
 man took up the cudgels, and said, I perceive, Justina, you 
 have a double meaning in your questions, and make a faint 
 at the heels when you strike at the head, and therefore I 
 must tell you, that if any one here is an ape it is yourself, for 
 you have the bottle by your side that represents Bacchus; 
 and you women have the qualities of that god, which are to 
 turn our brains topsy-turvy, and us out of our senses. Be- 
 sides that, there is never a man of us but would willingly be 
 your lap-dog, and you females are mere apes, always skip- 
 ping, dancing, and making faces. I was so confounded at 
 these repartees, that for a long time I had not one word to 
 say for myself, and then every fool that could not say Bo to 
 a goose, had a fling at me, and laughed till they cackled. 
 The noise was so great, that a mule which was tied to the 
 cart, starting, had like to have put an end to their mirth for 
 ever; but by good luck for us all, the rope that held her 
 broke. My kinsmen run after to catch her, and I leaving 
 my kinswomen, struck into a ring where there was dancing 
 and being taken out as soon as I appeared, made a shift to 
 tire half a score of the ablest scholars who were come to the 
 festival from a neighbouring college. 
 
 As night drew near, I discovered a gang of seven scholars 
 in a ridiculous disguise, dancing and singing. These were 
 well known all the country about for a parcel of the rankest 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 33 
 
 knaves, within many miles of them, and therefore called 
 themselves the champions. The chief of them was a long 
 , thin fellow, whom they called the bishop, and his dress re- 
 presented it in a comical manner, as the others did, those of 
 arch-deacons and prebends. By the bishop's side was 
 another scholar clad like a scoundrel strumpet. They, had 
 stole my kindmen's cart^ and sometime rode on it ; other- 
 whiles, stopping, come down, and danced some antick 
 dances, singing all the while ; and then pretending to carry 
 away by force the scoundrel that represented the wench, he 
 sang in a falset, and the burthen of his song was : — 
 
 I've gained the prize for dancing all this day, 
 And now, alas, the scholars force me away. 
 
 Then the chorus repeated the same, in such dismal manner, 
 as if a woman had really been ravished. This they had 
 over so long till the company being tired, and night drawing 
 on, every gang began to make homewards, but I, who had 
 lost my cart and carters, and was no less wearied than the 
 rest, stepped aside, and sat me down to rest on a bank of 
 thyme, and other sweet herbs. The scholars, who wanted 
 nothing else, made towards me, and getting me in the 
 iniddle, put me on a ragged cassock, and a greasy cap, and 
 so hurried me away into their cart, singing all the while, as 
 they had done before : — 
 
 I've gained the prize of dancing all this day. 
 And now, alas, the scholars force me away. 
 
34 THE SPAINSH JILT. 
 
 So that all who saw me concluded I was the same counter- 
 feit wench they had seen before ; and though I cried out 
 amain, none took any notice of me, for all the scholars 
 raised their voices, and drove away the cart till we lost sight 
 of the village and all the company. I knew I was not the 
 first woman that a rape had been committed upon ; but those 
 others had bulUes of kinsmen, that revenged their quarrel ; 
 and I was satisfied, that though the scholars had gone 
 through stitch with their jest, my brothers would have put 
 up the wrong for a bushel of oats. Thus the cart drove 
 away with me, till we came into a small plain beyond a little 
 wood, where the scholars alighted. Saluting their bishop 
 and his lady with loud huzzas. And leaving me alone with 
 him in the cart, to be instructed for his use, I began to 
 quake for fear, and the scoundrel observed it, cried. What 
 are you afraid of, Justina 1 Am not I with you ? A special 
 guard of eunuchs, thought I : But Necessity is the mother 
 of Ingenuity : I set my wits to work, and you will see how 
 they brought me off. Perceiving myself alone with him, and 
 that he held me fast, I put on a bold countenance, and be- 
 spoke him thus : Hands off, good Mr. raking bishop, I 
 thought you knew me better. Fair and softly goes far with 
 me, you must not think to catch old birds with chaif. The 
 knave observing I talked so big, was somewhat disturbed to 
 be disappointed where he expected such an easy conquest ; 
 an(i yet it pleased him that he had met with his match, and 
 therefore changing his note, he said. Had I thought you 
 have answered me in cant, I could have furnished your im- 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 35 
 
 pudence with matter till to morrow ; but since you discover 
 such ability, I do engage you shall be bishopess of all the 
 jilting crew. Sentence is past, and nothing now remains but 
 execution. Finding he began to come to the point, I 
 bristled up and answered, Not so neither, I appeal, stand off 
 Mr. Scoundrel, do you think that my maidenhead, which 
 has been kept so chearily these eighteen years is to be lost 
 in a cart ? No, it shall not be thus disposed of without any 
 ceremony ; but if you have a mind to it, call all your rakes 
 about you, let us first drink to its good journey, and have a 
 merry bout at parting ; and if you will not consent, believe 
 me, we women have tallons as well as cats, which will defend 
 what we don't care to part with ; besides that, there can be 
 no pleasure where there is force. This calmed my bishop, 
 who presently whistled like a highwayman, at which his gang 
 came about him, crying^ Long live the bishop and his clergy > 
 which I seconded with an Amen, and a peal of my castanets, 
 the better to disguise my design. 
 
 My Paris thinking it did not become him to be a married 
 bishop, not being a protestant, threw off his cassock, laid hold 
 of a club for a sceptre, made a throne of their cloaks, and a 
 back to it of a vast pair of horns ; then commanding silence 
 he made a canting speech, ordering them to disperse into 
 the neighbouring villages, and there to steal all the hens 
 geese, turkeys, wine, and bread, they could meet with, to 
 celebrate the festival of the conquest he was like to gain 
 over Justina, who, as yet, he declared was untouched as she 
 came into the world. The words were no sooner out of his 
 
o 
 
 6 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 mouth, but the sharpers vanished, leaving me again alone 
 with their infernal monarch, who presently began to tickle 
 and curry me, whilst I, to divert him, told abundance of 
 country tales, and all the stories I had heard out of old 
 romances, all which he applauded, but would fain have been 
 at something else. By this time the sun began to show his 
 fiery face, and in came all our thieving gang, some loaded 
 with poultry, others with bread, wine, and wooden dishes, 
 and all the implements fit for the nuptials of a whore and 
 rogue. The provision was laid down and dressed in a trice, 
 but all the while I took care to send the cup about, pretend- 
 ing to drink myself, and making my mock-bishop pledge me, 
 though against his will. They sat down and fed like so 
 many cormorants, and at every bit I plied them with a 
 health, till I perceived my bishop lisped and clipped his 
 words. At length, having eaten and drank, they all got up 
 by command, and made towards the cart, not in a direct 
 line, for they reeled and staggered that the broadest street 
 would scarce have held them. My bishop had twenty falls 
 before he got to it, and I took care to help him when he 
 was going. With much difficulty they all mounted, and fell 
 asleep as soon as laid, only I was left awake to make my 
 advantage of their lethargy. Having thus secured my 
 keepers, 1 laid hold of the carter's whip, who was no better 
 than the rest, and knocking him off the mule, left him on 
 the hard ground motionless. We were not then above half 
 a league from my town of Mansilla, and I knew the way 
 perfectly well, so that putting on the mules at a round rate. 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 37 
 
 we soon got thither, and I entered triumphant in my chariot, 
 with all my captives about me. There I set up my throat 
 and cried, Help, help, here are the thieves that stole the 
 cart and mules at Arenillas. My shrieks waked them, and 
 in the consternation they tumbled one after another out of 
 the cart ; and set a running full speed, till reflecting that 
 they left their cloaks, hats, and other implements behind 
 them, they had the boldness to return for them. I stood 
 my ground like an Amazon, and as every one came up 
 saluted him with the whip so dexterously, that he never 
 more cared for coming within my reach. By this time all 
 the boys and mob of our town were got about me, who pur- 
 sued them with shouts and hideous cries, till they were all 
 dispersed about the corn-fields, in such sort that they did not 
 come together again till twenty days after. They happened 
 to meet on a market-day at Villada, where, in most solemn 
 manner, they deposed their bishop with so much raillery 
 that for mere shame he run the country, and made clear 
 , away, as I suppose, to Geneva, where he might safely rail at 
 all bishops, till he could get himself into a good fat see, and 
 then prove as orthodox as another. 
 
 For my part, I was attended home by all the small fry and 
 rabble of the town, and found a most loving reception ; for 
 though my brethren were none of the kindest, they delighted 
 in all that looked like sharping. To secure my reputation, 
 I related the whole adventure, and the fame of it spread 
 through all the country. I was quite tired with visits and 
 congratulations 3 but when I had rested myself, I began to 
 
38 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 turn over a new leaf, and carry myself after another manner 
 than I had before done. The topping men of the town 
 began now to take notice of me ; they gave me the title of 
 mistress, and lowered their caps down to my toes ; but 
 whatsoever was the matter I could never take a fancy to any 
 of my townsmen. Our Court of Aldermen adjudged me 
 all the booty, as gotten in lawful war, and ordered that the 
 owner of the mule should give me a good reward for bringing 
 her home ; besides, they declared that my honour was un- 
 spotted, and that none ought to presume to think or say 
 otherwise of me. But who can stop ill tongues ? I have 
 since heard some twit me with my pilgrimage to Arenillas, 
 alleging, That if I was not burnt, at least I was blacked ; as 
 when a candle is stuck against a wall, it cannot fire, but still 
 it smoots, but worse if it be clapped to fat meat, which 
 melts as fast as the candle. Let them even talk on, the case 
 is now altered, and I am well improved. All the country 
 then called me The tricking-maid of the inn ; or. The Jilting 
 Country Wench. But enough of this, let us breathe and 
 begin with fresh matter. 
 
CHAPTER V. 
 
 She goes to Leon, puts a Cheat upon a Sharper ; Chouses 
 
 an Hypocrite; takes another Ramble; Steals an 
 
 Ass ; begs to buy a Locket; d:' puts afoul 
 
 trick upon her kinsman. 
 
 TH E.R E is no doubt but success puffs up the mind 
 and raises the thoughts ; my late triumph made me 
 conceit great matters of myself ; I began to set up for a lady, 
 and all that looked like the country seemed below me. 
 Time was when I liked a bumpkin in a pair of leather 
 breeches and clouted shoes, better than the nicest beau 
 about the court ; and would rather have accepted a treat of 
 suUibub, or a present of a straw-hat, than a silk-gown, or a 
 gold-locket. The greatest present I then thought could be 
 made to a person of my degree, was a silver ring, and if it 
 was gilt, I looked upon it as the highest generosity. But the 
 world is altered, and I grew so lofty, that I valued a scarlet 
 petticoat no more than if they had to be taken off of every 
 hedge. Being thus enriched with the booty, and grown vain 
 
40 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 with success, I resolved to quit the country life, and take one 
 loose in the city of Leon, which is but three leagues from 
 Mansilla. It was in the month of August, when there is a 
 great festival in that city, and therefore I ordered some kin- 
 dred of mine to provide me a gentle she ass to serve me for 
 a palfrey : they brought me one curiously accoutred with 
 saddle and bridle, and I seeing her so fine, resolved to trick 
 myself up, and daub my cheeks. I sent for white and red, 
 and being little skilled in that art, laid it on as if it had been 
 with a trowel on a wall. Jhis done I put on a scarlet petti- 
 coat, a satin waistcoat, a sky-colour mantle, with a velvet 
 welt about it, and a close hood, and a fine veil along with me 
 in my sleeve. Thus dressed, I mounted my steed and set 
 forwards, with a wallet under me, stuffed with cold meat, 
 bread, cucumbers, and a bottle of wine. We had not gone 
 far, before some country wenches, my companions, began to 
 rally me, upon the plastering of my face, which I endea- 
 voured to defend as if it had been natural ; but the cheat 
 was too visible, for the sweat began to trickle, and with it 
 the red streams down my face, so that being fully convicted, 
 I alighted at a little brook, and washed m^ face and neck, 
 which made the water run white and red for a considerable 
 space. 
 
 Abundance of scholars passed along the road in their way 
 to the festival at Leon, but none of them had a word to say 
 to me, they were so scared at the trick I had put upon their 
 brethren, and though I hated all their profession, yet it 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. ' 4 1 
 
 vexed me to see they took no notice of me ; for it is the na- 
 ture of a woman to be fondest when most shghtcd. How- 
 ever, though the scholars shunned me, all the other passen- 
 gers had a fling at me, and I was even with them all, ex- 
 cept only a sort of half scholar and half ruffian, who struck 
 me dumb, and went off with flying colours. He drew near, 
 and eyed me all over as if he would have stared me through, 
 and perceiving I was ready to let fly, took off his hat, mak- 
 ing me a low bow, and began to commend my shape and 
 mien. What could a woman say when she heard herself 
 praised. He went on crying up some gay toys I had about 
 my neck, and then asked me, what those two things were 
 that hung at my beads ? I told him they were two Agnus 
 Deis. I vow to the Lord,answered he, they are no such thing. 
 What do call them then 1 said L Those are the seals, 
 
 quoth he, of your constituting your coadjutrix to such 
 
 a prebend at Leon. And he named a very noted one, 
 which said, he clapped spurs to his horse and rode away, 
 without giving me time to answer, and leaving me full of 
 shame and confussion. I vowed revenge, and he carried it 
 not with him either to heaven or hell, as you will find in the 
 sequel. This fellow was a nephew to a rich man in that 
 country, and himself a great sharper at gaming, and was go- 
 ing to Leon to employ his talent, knowing there would be 
 gamesters at the festival. I took good notice to know him 
 again, for he was marked, and had one eye-lid turned out, 
 and red. I passed over the bridge they call Del Castro, 
 
42 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 which is a good piece of antiquity, of plain stone, ill built, 
 but well commended by the people of that city, who extol it 
 as if it were one of the seven wonders of the world ; and yet 
 it looks more like the ridge of a house than a bridge. Next 
 I passed through the suburb of St. Anne, I will not describe 
 it, for, in a word, it is a dismal place; but at length I came to 
 St. Lazarus's Chapel, where I thought to have gone in to 
 pray, but I spied a parcel of small altars with some little im- 
 ages of saints, so scurvily dressed, that they took away my 
 devotion, and a small matter would do it with me. I went 
 thence to the place where the gallows stand, about which 
 there is a parcel of little houses like cottages, and at the win- 
 dows were many gay things tricked up, and looking whom 
 they could devour, for they were all the wild game of the 
 city, ladies of pleasure, and dealers in french commodities. 
 At length I entered the city at St. Anne's Gate, and took up 
 at an inn adjoining to it, because I was quite tired, and 
 could there see all the people that resorted to the city. The 
 inn was better furnished than mine, but the maids of it had 
 never been cut for the simples : I was informed that the 
 scoundrel who put the jest upon me on the road, had taken 
 up his lodging there, which pleased me to the heart, because 
 I had vowed revenge. Having taken my ramble about the 
 town, I returned to the inn, where the Spark was, and went 
 directly into his room, as if it had been accidentally ; having 
 put an Agnus Dei I had set in silver gilt, into my sleeve, 
 which was so like another that hung to my beads set in gold, 
 that it was hard to distinguish between them. I looked very 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 43 
 
 demure, and blushed at every word he said to me, which 
 took so powerfully with him, that he presently offered to 
 serve me with all he was worth, and I observing he was 
 taken in my snare, said to him : I have been told, sir, that 
 you were about pawning a gold crucifix you have for some 
 money, and I come to offer you all I have, which is about 
 50 royals, without any pawn, for I know your Uncle is a 
 worthy gentleman, and will pay me, if it were a greater sum. 
 He answered, you have infinitely obliged me with your kind 
 offer, but as for pawning my crucifix it is a great mistake, 
 for I have 500 royals to spare at your service, and do not 
 question but I shall carry off 1000 more out of this city, 
 from among some young cullies. It is true I have a gold 
 crucifix, and showed it to the maid of the house, asking her 
 in jest what she would give me for it. I believe you, sir, 
 quoth I, and don't question but you have the crucifix about 
 you. I have so, said he, and began to open his breast to 
 show it me, at which I drew back, and he pressed forward, 
 showing me the crucifix, which I viewed narrowly, commended 
 it in the highest manner, hoping he might chance to say it 
 was at my service, but he was hard and took no notice ; nor 
 had he the wit to answer, as a certain sharper used to do 
 when the women praised anything he had, which is the same 
 as begging it ; for then would he answer, I shall even put 
 the greater value on it because you like it. Being disap- 
 pointed of my expectation that way, I made several essays, 
 as if I would speak, and were ashamed ; which he observing, 
 bid me speak freely, swearing he would grant whatsoever I 
 
44 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 ask, though it were half his estate. With this encourage- 
 ment I said, sir, I would willingly part with this Agnus Dei 
 set in gold, and if you design to part with that crucifix, I will 
 change with you, and pay whatever yours weighs more than 
 mine ; or if my money will not hold out I will give my silk 
 veil, and these strings of coral, or pawn them : Besides, sir, 
 I believe you will trust me, as I was willing to trust you, for 
 I am responsible. Scarce were the words out of my mouth 
 before it took off the crucifix from about his neck, and put 
 it into my hands : I made many grimaces, protesting I would 
 not take it without giving the value. After much strife a 
 goldsmith was sent for to price both the pieces, and he be- 
 ing well instructed by the sharper, valued mine at only i6 
 royals less than his, I took out the money and gave it to him 
 but he forced it back, putting it into my sleeve. This led 
 me to the second part of my cheat, which was that I told 
 him, it was not fit for young maids to receive obhgations 
 which they could not requite^ and therefore he must give me 
 leave to make him a present. With that I asked him for the 
 Agnus Dei he had of me in exchange, which he readily de- 
 livered, and I, turning about as if it had been for shame, 
 clapped it into my sleeve, and pulled out the purse with the 
 silver Agnus Dei gilt in it, which I showed him, and deliver- 
 ing it said. The purse cost four ducats, and was given me by 
 one that was to have been my husband. He took it, and 
 at the same time clapped four ducats into my hand for the 
 purse, which was as much as that and the Agnus Dei in- it 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 43 
 
 were worth, so that I saved my own money and carried off 
 the crucifix clear. 
 
 The next day after this exploit, being in the Inn, I spied 
 a cheating hypocritical hermit, who had lived near my town 
 of Mansilla, where being found out, he was taken by the 
 Mayor for his knavery, but had made his escape. I knew 
 him, but he knew not me, so that I drew near, and he began 
 to preach, but I told him I was in haste, and in great dis- 
 tress, being come to the festival from a remote part of Spain, 
 and my purse had been picked out of my pocket, wherefore 
 I entreated him, since such men as he had an interest 
 among people of quality, that he would make me a gathering, 
 lest necessity should oblige me to commit some sin. He 
 made me a long sermon without head or tail, advising me, 
 either to starve for the sake of chastity, or if I must needs 
 fall to let it be with him, who would keep my secret. I told 
 him if I must be naught, I had rather take up with some 
 lewd young fellows, where the sin would be less, than with a 
 man of his coat ; and besides, they were more likely to sup- 
 ply all my wants : That a gentleman belonging to the 
 Admiral, who was also Mayor of a town called Mansilla, 
 three leagues from Leon, had a months mind to me, and 
 was come after me, and made it his business to debauch me. 
 This put him into a great consternation for fear the Mayor 
 was come to seek him out ; but he pretended- his concern 
 was mere zeal and uneasiness that a magistrate should be so 
 lewd ; and therefore asked whether the mayor knew where I 
 was ? I told him he did, and would be there presently, but 
 
46 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 if I had a little money I would be gone and leave him in the 
 lurch. This put him quite beside himself, and after another 
 short exhortation, he started as if something were newly- 
 come into his head, and told me, that a friend of his had left 
 a little money with him, which he would make bold with ; 
 and puUing out six ducats, put them into my hand. We 
 neither of us spoke one word more, he was in such haste for 
 fear of the mayor ; so that he changed his habit and was 
 gone immediately. I took my ass and set out too, and 
 never saw my hermit, nor my crucifix-merchant any more 
 from that day to this. 
 
 That very evening, for fear of being called to account for 
 my pranks, I ordered my boy to saddle my ass, and lead it out 
 to the meadows without the city. Thither I followed, and 
 met with a herd of young wenches, all bound on a pilgrim- 
 age to a chappel of the Blessed Virgin, about a league from 
 Leon. I struck in with them, but never minded reckoning 
 with my hostess, for she was a hasty woman, and I thought 
 better to save words than fall out about what was due. The 
 journey being performed by night, I nodded all the way, and 
 coming to the chappel, found it well adorned, abundance of 
 people in the plain about it, and great store of fruit, provi- 
 sions, and all necessaries. 1 fettered my ass by moon-light, 
 and laid me down on the ground to sleep by a parcel of^wo- 
 men that lay snoaring, bidding my boy stand centinel, giving 
 him a hard crust to keep him awake ; and having slept about 
 an hour and a half, started up as fresh as if I had been the 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 47 
 
 whole night in bed ; when observing that all the women 
 slept, I took a needle and thread, and sewed all the tails of 
 their smocks fast to one another, and then withdrew at a 
 distance to view the effects of my frolick ; and it was comi- 
 cal enough to see how they tugged, scolded, flirted about, 
 and showed much more than was proper to be seen, whilst I 
 and many more rejoiced at their vexation. As the day ap- 
 peared the sports began, there was gaming, fencing, and 
 dancing, but I was now grown a 'little too stately to put in 
 among the dancers, though my feet quivered to be at it, yet 
 I overcame the temptation, and was satisfied with looking on. 
 In the mean while my ass grazed about under the guardian- 
 ship of my boy, but he stepping aside to wash down the dry 
 crust I gave him, I suppose some gipsy took the poor beast 
 into custody, and metamorphosed it, for it never after ap- 
 peared. I looked all about, and missing my own beast met 
 with another so like it, as asses generally are Uke one an- 
 other, that there was scarce discerning any difference, and 
 biding the boy clap my saddle and bridle on it, took posses- 
 sion, and secured it as my own proper goods. 
 
 A runner of the city of Leon whisked about among all the 
 people, offering a gold locket to sell, and I being fond of 
 such toys, presently bit at it, and struck up a bargain for 
 eight ducats, without considering that my pocket fell sixteen 
 royals short of that sum ; besides, that nothing remained to 
 defray my charges home. I presently contrived how to make 
 up this defect, and meeting with an old woman that had a 
 tattered woollen veil, desired her to lend it me to step to the 
 
48 • THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 next town for fear of the rain, promising to content her at 
 my return, and to leave her my silk veil in pawn for it. She 
 consented, and having put on hers, I took a turn or two 
 about the church, that she might loose sight of me, and that 
 done, sat me down on my legs at the church door, with a 
 white handkerchief on my knees to beg, like one that was 
 ashamed to be seen in that posture. The people took great 
 compassion, and dropt their brass like hail, so that I had in 
 a very short time, gathered above the sixteen royals I wanted, 
 besides a whole piece of eight a good clergyman clapped in- 
 to my hand, who, I do not question, is gone to heaven for 
 his charity. When any gay youths came by, the more to 
 move them, I would put out a hand, which was pretty white, 
 under pretence of righting my veil, and sometimes, as it were 
 by accident, would discover one cheek, by which contrivance, 
 I observed some went half a score times in and out of 
 the church, only to have an opportunity of dropping me 
 something as they passed. Having gathered as much as I 
 thought fit, I packed up my treasure, covered my face close 
 and made away to a by-place till all had lost sight of me. 
 There I took off my veil, and put on a little mantle I had in 
 my sleeve, folding the veil, and conceaHng it, and so re- 
 turned towards the church, as if I had only been to discharge 
 some of those necessities nature puts upon all persons. I 
 found the old woman who lent me the veil almost out of 
 patience, because I had staid above two hours, and all the 
 while I was gone she was plagued with the young beaus, who 
 seeing the fine silk thin veil, concluded there had been some 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. * 49 
 
 girl of fifteen under it, and never ceased haunting her to see 
 her face, till in a fret she discovered it, and with that sight 
 put them all to flight, as if some ghost had appeared to them. 
 I qualified her anger with a couple of melons I gave her ; 
 but the boy, in my absence, having told her all my life and 
 conversation, she very piously reproved me for stealing the ass, 
 advising to restore it to the owner : I very slily, and with a 
 sanctified look, tpld her, I had only jested with the boy, to 
 try whether he knew my ass again after he had lost it ; that 
 I would not for the world be thought to keep any bodies 
 beast but my own, and she might be sure I would not have 
 left it in such a public place, if any body could claim it. 
 With this she was so well satisfied, that she begged my par- 
 don for having entertained such a thought of me, and went 
 her way, blaming the boy for having told the truth. This 
 done, I found out the woman with the locket, to whom I had 
 given earnest before, for fear of losing it, and paying the rest 
 of the money, set myself off with that jewel I had so impu- 
 dently mumped for at the church door. 
 
 Being rid of my old woman, I fell in among some of my 
 own gang, and went to another little chappie hard by, where 
 I spent my time in prating rather than praying ; and coming 
 back to the church made half a hundred bows to the altar, 
 in full for all my devotions. When I had thus discharged the 
 duty of the day, my guts began to cry cupboard, and I thrust 
 in among some of my towns-people, with whom I spunged a 
 dinner, which relished much the better because it cost no- 
 thing, resolving to return immediately to Leon, to take a full 
 
50 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 view of that city ; I would willingly have gone alone that I 
 might reckon how much money I had carried off clear after 
 all my adventures, but it is hard for a young wench to get 
 away from everybody. A barber of our town, who could let 
 his skull unfurnished, would needs bear me company, and I 
 was not sorry for it, because he took care of my ass, though 
 he, poor wretch, got little by my company. This fellow took 
 upon him to be witty, as he thought, on the road ; and in- 
 stead of jests, blundered out so much nonsense and scurrility, 
 that he could not have missed of a broken head, had not the 
 passengers spared him in respect of me. Among the rest a 
 Franciscan Fryar he would have affronted retorted his own 
 jest upon him, as might have struck him dumb, had he not 
 wanted sense to be out of countenance. The Fryar 
 rode on a colt, and my spark wisely said to him, Father, in 
 St. Francis's days the fryars did not ride. The reason of it 
 is, answered the Fryar, because there were not so many asses 
 then as there are now. I was so weary of his intolerable 
 clack, that I contrived to get rid of him, and in order to it, 
 said to him, Cousin, you will do me a great kindness if you 
 will put on before me, and go to the inn where I lay the 
 other day, for now I remember I left behind me a basket of 
 honey-combs, I had to present the lawyer that used to look 
 after my mother's affairs, and is now to take charge of mine. 
 Go directly into the inn, as if you went upon some other 
 business, and take it away without saying anything to the 
 landlady, and if she happen to meet with you, and press for 
 the reckoning I left to pay, pass your word for me, which 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. SI 
 
 will be no great matter. Make haste, you see it concerns 
 me, let not the hatchet-faced jade make her advantage of it. 
 The blockhead thought I had done him much honour in em- 
 ploying him in my service, not thinking what a piece of service 
 it was. He flew to the inn, came all in a heat, panting, and 
 out of breath, with as much haughtiness as if he had all the 
 king's authority to back him, and crying. Come, landlady, let 
 me know what is become of the honey-combs my cousin left 
 here. The hostess seeing him in that disorder, imagined 
 there was some matter of moment left behind, and told him, 
 she knew nothing of the matter he spoke of, but that his 
 precious cousin went her way without paying the reckoning, 
 and if it were lost she must take it for her pains ; but if it 
 could be found she would not part with it till she was paid 
 the utmost cross. She must not think to put upon people 
 that get their bread by the sweat of their brow ; for, no 
 doubt by her way of living, she has got more money this 
 night than all that comes to. My rattle-brained kinsman 
 had not one word to say for me, but went up stairs to rights, 
 and into every room, searching about for the basket of honey 
 combs, which he did not rightly understand. The case was 
 that I being hard pressed with the supper I had eaten, made 
 use of a basket of the land-ladies I found, which did me good 
 service at that time. The landlady perceiving he found 
 nothing, took hold of his cloak, and never parted with him 
 till he paid her three royals the reckoning amounted to ; bid- 
 ding him look for his honey with a vengeance. He at last 
 crept upon all four under the bed where I had lain, and 
 
-2 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 meeting with the basket I told him of, came out again very 
 joyfully, crying, God be praised I have found the basket and 
 the honey ; the hostess, knowing the basket to be her own, 
 catched hold of it very eagerly, as it was covered with a httle 
 wool I borrowed from her quilts. My kinsman meanmg to 
 defend his basket, in struggling over-turned all the contents 
 upon his nose, clothes, and hands, and found that the honey 
 combs were none of the sweetest. Yet this had been toler- 
 able but that the landlady seeing her basket was spoiled, 
 came behind and snatched off his hat ; he would willingly 
 have closed with her, that she might take share of his win- 
 nings, but she laid hold of a good cudgel, and drove him out 
 into the street in that stinking filthy condition. The boys 
 coming about him, he intreated the landlady to give him ad- 
 mittance, and hoping he had molified her, presumed to draw 
 near, but she rung such a second peal upon his back with the 
 cudgel, that he was obliged to take to his heels, cursing the 
 hostess and his cousin who employed him ; and thus well 
 attended by the mob, he ran clear out at_the city gate, and 
 meeting with a pond went in to wash himself. When he 
 was clean the hostess admitted him, and upon paying for the 
 basket, restored him his hat she had seized in pawn, giving 
 him a sharp lecture at the same time ; which he received 
 bare-headed, and in suppliant manner, as if he had been 
 before his godfathers. 
 
CHAPTER VI. 
 
 Justina returns to Leon ; describes her Entrance ; Wheadles 
 
 the Landlady at the Inn; Works a Wonderful Cure, 
 
 and goes off Scott-free and well Presented. 
 
 I GUESSED how affairs went at this time at the Inn, being 
 no stranger to my cousin's capacity, and knowing the hostess 
 had more of the bear than of the spaniel. The barber thus 
 shamed flew away like lightning to find me out ; but before 
 I tell you our greeting, I must inform you what I did the 
 meanwhile. Considering the alarm the Inn was under at 
 that time, I would not enter St. Anne's Gate, which is next 
 to it, but over St. Mark's bridge, so called from a famous 
 monastery of the friars of the order of Santiago, close to 
 whose wall it stands. The best habitation there is in the 
 seats of the choir, which are very noble, and such I sup- 
 pose the friars' cells will be, when they are built. The 
 church is sumptuous, spacious, lofty, beautiful, light and 
 curious ; only I am of opinion that it ought to be turned the 
 inside outwards, because the most nice and costly workman- 
 ship, and curious imagery in stone is on the outside, and ex- 
 posed to the weather, and the plainest within. Near this 
 
54 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 church is- an hospital for the entertainment and cure of such 
 as have got French colds, runnings, or aches in their bones. 
 Two natural rivers enclose the city of Leon, I rode along the 
 pleasant banks of one of them, till I came into a broad 
 street, on both sides of which there are delightful orchards 
 and gardens, and at the end of it a monastery, which is the 
 entrance into the city. I had some thoughts of going into 
 the church, but observing how very little the gate was, I 
 forebore my devotion, disdaining to creep in such a con- 
 temptible way. I now met again with my cousin the barber, 
 who after some short expostulation about the honey, was 
 glad to put up the wrong ; and asked me if I would not see 
 the King's Garden ? Which I readily consented to, expect- 
 ing to behold some notable piece of curiosity ; but when I 
 came to it, there was no other flowers but horns ; no beds 
 but of mire; and no fountains but of the blood of beasts; for 
 that which goes by so fair a name, is only the slaughtering 
 place of all the cattle eaten in the city. In short, we went 
 on to an inn, which is behind the Bishop's palace, where we 
 found a whale of an hostess, so monstrous was her bulk ; 
 she had a bunch of keys by her side, and her purse before, 
 and in her face two hairy moles, like whiskers. As soon as 
 I spy'd this figure, I began to contrive what trick I might 
 put upon her, whilst my barber went abroad to buy him some 
 cupping-glasses he wanted. I sat me down by her, in a very 
 humble posture, and began to charm her with fine words, 
 calling her lovely creature, and extolling every thing she said, 
 whilst she, in that rapture, told me all her life and conversa- 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 55 
 
 tion, and at last, that she had been obliged to hide some 
 flitches of bacon she had, and a parcel of eggs and honey, 
 for fear of some knavish scholars who lately lodged in her 
 house. She desired I would light her to remove that provi- 
 sion out of a dark larder to a cupboard, which I really did, 
 there being no soul in the house besides myself and her, for 
 the maid was newly gone away with a carrier ; but she took 
 care to lock all fast. The labour of removing the goods and 
 setting things to rights, she being so monstrous fat, left her 
 so tired and unfit for anything, that she was forced to betake 
 herself to her bed, and being so long undressing, and in a 
 sweat, she caught cold, which turned to such a fit of the 
 gripes and looseness, that I thought she would have voided 
 her greasy soul. All my hope was, that being in that plight 
 she would have forget the key of the cupboard, but she hung 
 it again about her neck before she got into bed ; like the 
 Morisco, who being to receive the sacrament on his death- 
 bed, held his hands together to as if it had been out of de- 
 votion, but in reality to secure his purse he had between 
 them. I concluded, had she died intestate, that my barber 
 and I should come in for heirs at law ; however since she 
 thought fit to hold fast, I resolved to make amends out of 
 her cupboard. In order to it, I told the hostess, that the 
 man who came with me was the physician of our town, and 
 an able man in his profession ; and sent my boy to hasten 
 him home, but he met him at the door with his cupping- 
 glasses, and weeping bitterly, because, stopping to gaze at a 
 Merry- Andrew, he had broke one of them, and dreaded being 
 
56 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 called to an account for it by his wife, who was a rampant 
 Amazon, and kept him under hatches, so that he swore, he 
 had rather see the devil than her in a passion. I soon com- 
 forted him, advising to tell her, he had bought but seven 
 glasses, and that the money was spent upon his mule, which 
 he had been forced to ride hard to make haste home. I ac- 
 quainted him of my project, and bid him to go in and feel 
 the hostess's pulse, and then withdraw with me to consult 
 about the cure, for he was so rank a dunce that I durst not 
 trust him with the prescription. He went in and did as I 
 directed, tumbled her in the bed to feel her stomach and 
 other parts, which encreased her cold, and made us see 
 strange sights. We withdrew, and our consultation was as 
 learned and effectual as many we daily see among doctors 
 of the highest rank. He said after me in such a tone as the 
 hostess might hear the best part ; and when he had con- 
 cluded, I went in and repeated the whole receipt, telling her, 
 she must take some of the fat of bacon, which is most inter- 
 larded among the lean, and melt it, wherewith she must 
 anoint and chafe her belly, as also her cheeks and jaws, to 
 prevent the distemper flying into her head, and turning to a 
 palsie ; that then her body must be rubbed all over with 
 grated bread ; and after all there must be a sort of a poultice 
 made with fourteen whites of eggs, without any yolks, well 
 spread over with honey, to be laid all over her bowels ; which 
 done, she must lie close covered over head and ears, with- 
 out stirring, for an hour and a half This I told her, if she 
 thought fit, I would do for her, believing she was generous 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 57 
 
 enough to requite me for my pains. She rejoiced that she 
 had all the materials in the house, and gave me the key of 
 the cupboard to prepare the medicine, with many promises 
 of a requital. I lighted a fire, cut off all the choice of a 
 flitch of bacon, and fried it with a dozen of eggs ; then 
 taking the fat out of the pan, and a few whites of eggs, I 
 anointed my hostess all over, with a good layer of honey, and 
 over all wrapped her well in flax, covering her over head and 
 ears, where she sweated and stewed in her grease ; and the 
 distemper being nothing but weariness and cold, felt immedi- 
 ate ease. Having left her in this condition, I returned to my 
 companions, where we feasted upon her bacon and eggs, and 
 honey, with a leather bottle of good wine my barber had. 
 After supper I returned to my patient, who had never done 
 thanking me for the cure, and promising me great matters ; 
 but I wanted to make her pay for the wine we had drank, 
 and therefore, to prevent any ill consequence, the doctor 
 clapt two cupping-glasses to her cheeks, and we covered her 
 close over again, till I had dived into her purse, which hung 
 at the bed's head, and took out as much as I thought might 
 answer our charge. 
 
 My wants were now supplied, and my body required rest, 
 so I went freely to bed without regarding my cousin the bar- 
 ber, as supposing him to be no such man of metal, that I 
 might fear anything from him, but I find love reigns over 
 the fools as well as the wise men of the world ; and asses have 
 their amours as well as gallants. After midnight I heard a 
 small rumbling noise near my bed, and guessing that it was 
 
58 THE SPANISH JILT, 
 
 my cousin, whom Cupid had roused, I whispered to him thus: 
 Hark you, kinsman, after you went to bed there came in 
 abundance of guests, and one of them lies just by you, who 
 says he knew my father ; he looks like an unruly fellow, and 
 should he know I was abroad with any but a relation, would 
 certainly murder us both. Tread softly lest he happens to 
 hear you, and if you want a looking glass, you'll find it at the 
 foot of your bed, and get you to sleep again. This put him 
 into such a fright, as he afterwards confessed, that he quaked, 
 and was not far from falling into the hostess's distemper. As 
 soon as it was day I got up, and went directly to the land- 
 lady's bedside, pretending it was the care of her health that 
 brought me, but in reality to secure myself. When the bar- 
 ber rose, and found he had been put upon, he was so out of 
 countenance, that he slunk away without paying his shot, or 
 taking leave, but for mere haste he left behind him four of 
 his cupping glasses, and a silk binder he had bought to let the 
 lady's blood with, for which he suffered persecution at home 
 from his masculine wife, and durst never after look me in the 
 face. I took leave of my landlady, who enquired after the 
 doctor, extolling his skill. I answered. He went away early, 
 because he had many patients at Mansilla, I am sorry, said 
 she, he went away without taking his leave, for I would have 
 made him a good present. I laid hold of that opportunity, 
 and told her, she might send what she thought fit by me, for 
 he was my cousin. After a short consultation what would be 
 most acceptable, I advised her to send a good pot of honey 
 she had in her cupboard, which she could not tell how to 
 
THE SPANISH JILT, 59 
 
 refuse me, I had such a knack of wheedling and flattering 
 her. When I had it in my possession, I asked what I had 
 done, that all my labour in serving her might not deserve 
 some reward ; and she as generously presented me with a 
 good piece of hung beef, a beugle-necklace, and a curious 
 pair of jet-beads, giving me the key of her closet to take them 
 out, whence at the same time, I filched a good pocket look- 
 ing glass, and thought I did her a kindness in it, lest if she 
 should happen to see her face in it, she might hang herself. 
 The reckoning was not so much as mentioned ; but I em- 
 braced my landlady, mounted my ass, and making the best 
 of my way, returned that morning to my owii town of Man- 
 silla. 
 
CHAPTER VII. 
 
 Her journey to Rioseco ; the Law Suit ; Cheats in carrying 
 Wool ; Inherits her Landlady ; and returns to Mansilla. 
 
 Being at home again, I began to lead an uneasy life, be- 
 cause my brothers took upon them to reprove me, rather 
 because I demanded my share of my father's inheritance, 
 than out of any real zeal ; and as for my sisters, they blowed 
 the coals, out of spite, because they saw me of an aspiring 
 temper, and aiming at something above our rank. To com- 
 plete rny misfortune, our suit coming to a trial before the 
 magistrates of our town, I was adjudged to have forfeited 
 my share of the inheritance, and to pay the costs. This 
 made me resolve to leave the town and be gone to Rioseco, 
 and remove my cause thither by appeal. In order to it, 
 about twenty days before my departure, I broke open a chest 
 we had in the house, and took out of it several small jewels 
 of some value, as rings, lockets, pendants, &c., besides some 
 pieces of plate ; and lest any suspicion should fall upon me, 
 ordered a young spark, who courted me, to run by my door 
 about four in the morning, and if pursued, to make his es- 
 cape with a vizor on, which he might pull off as soon as he 
 saw an opportunity, and run among the rest, crying. Stop 
 thief, stop thief. He ran by as I had appointed, and I being 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 6 1 
 
 on the watch cried out, Thieves, thieves, there is a rogue has 
 broken open our chest, and runs away with all that we have. 
 My brothers started up in their shirts, and all the neighbours 
 after them, but before they could reach the spark, he had 
 taken off his mask at the turning of a street, and made one 
 among them. I had dropped two small pieces of plate out 
 at the window, and as they came back panting and out of 
 breath, I bid them take up that plate the thief had dropped 
 as he ran away. Thus I persuaded them that the house had 
 been robbed, and every night after contrived such noises in 
 it, as if it had been haunted, telling my brothers in the morn- 
 ing, that these were judgments on them for their injustice 
 towards fme ; till one morning, when I was sure they all 
 heard me, I knelt down before an image, and made a solemn 
 vow, I would not lie in the house that night for fear it should 
 fall upon me. This said, I got up, took my bundle o^ 
 equipage, which my brothers never suspected, and went my 
 way. They thought I had gone to some neighbour's house, 
 but I was provided of a fellow that carried trout about the 
 country, who took me upon one of his mules, and conveyed 
 me that morning to Rioseco. 
 
 I went directly to a solicitor I had employed there, who 
 told me, Business would require time, but that he had an 
 expedient which would make it ride as much in a day as a 
 good galloping horse would with a spur. I told him my 
 cause should not ride ; but, that fast or slow, it must walk a 
 foot. He insisted much upon riding, and that was all the 
 way he had of expressing himself to sound my temper, but I 
 
62 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 cut him off, protesting my cause should rather go on crutches 
 than be rid, though it were never so slow. Thus we parted, 
 and he promised dispatch, yet the affair was tedious enough ; 
 though I plied the court myself, and always with money in 
 hand, which music made the lawyers dance after me ; but 
 I could never prevail with the writing-clerk to set his lines 
 closer together, which looked as if they had been afraid of 
 one another ; nor would he ever take his fees before wit- 
 nesses, which at first I wondered at, though it was not long 
 before my purse told me the reason of it, for I found it soon 
 empty, and my affairs at a stand. This made me consider 
 whether I should part with any of my fine jewels and toys, 
 which are the surest friends at a dead lift, but they were en- 
 tailed upon my affections, and would not part with me, and 
 therefore some other method must be found. I lodged with 
 an old woman that spun woollen, and was resolved to make 
 the best of that trade, and in order to it I laid up all my gay 
 clothes and trinkets, dressing myself like a plain country girl. 
 There were two other old spinsters near my landlady, all of 
 them of a gang. I went with them to the carders for wool 
 to spin, where every one had something to say to me, and 
 the master told me, I should never want employment. A 
 few days after, I advised the old women to send me for their 
 wool, and to carry it back when spun, and they should all 
 allow me a small matter for my labour, because they were 
 lame, and lost more time in fetching and carrying than three 
 times my pay amounted to. They consented, and ordered 
 it so with the carder, who was well pleased to have me resort 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 63 
 
 to him instead of those frightful pieces of antiquity. Now 
 my profit lay not in what they allowed me for fetching and 
 carrying, but that the fellows being busy in toying with me, 
 and for fear of disobliging me, did not mind what they 
 weighed out, and I always carried off good advantage ; the 
 same was done when I returned it, for the weight I took care 
 should still fall scant and short, so that between what was 
 over on the one hand, and returned on the other, I made 
 four or five royals every day ; besides that I always kept the 
 wool in a damp place and that increased the weight con- 
 siderably. By these means I gathered no small parcel of 
 money, kept up my reputation, and gained the affection of 
 my landlady. This old woman was of the Moorish race ; 
 had some skill in witchcraft, and no less in bawding ; and 
 understood the Alcoran better than the Lord's Prayer. Her 
 devotions were more like blasphemies than prayers ; I never 
 saw her at church but once, and then, instead of kneeling, 
 she lay along and coughed all the while she stayed, though 
 she had no more occasion than to hang herself. She was 
 frightened at any pubUc devotion, and all her delight was to 
 see criminals go to be hanged, for though lame before, she 
 would then skip like a young girl for three days. The first 
 day she went to steal some of their teeth, the next she got a 
 piece of the halter, and the third she spent in spells and 
 charms under the gallows. I might easily have learned the 
 trade of her, which she was very willing to teach me ; but I 
 don't love employments that are performed asleep, for witches 
 only dream, and the devil persuades them that what they 
 
64 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 then see is real. In short, my landlady and I were hand 
 and glove, but still she kept her purse close, and that was 
 the only thing she reserved from me. At length, one Tues- 
 day night, there arose a mighty storm of thunder and light- 
 ning, my old hag retired to her room, I thought she had 
 gone to bed, but not being able to sleep myself for fear, I 
 went to her chamber, where I found her stretched out upon 
 her back, giving up the ghost. This sight took off the fright 
 of the thunder and lightning, for I concluded it was only the 
 devils rejoicing and firing off guns to welcome her' to their 
 dominions. I presently looked upon all the house as my 
 own, laid her out immediately, binding her feet together for 
 fear she should get up again, and then searched her room, 
 where, in a chest, I found fifty quadruple-pistoles, which I 
 clapped into a girdle next my skin, and by virtue of the gold, 
 being so near my heart, never thought of eating or drinking 
 till I had laid her in the church-yard. The funeral cost me 
 five ducats, but in reality it cost me nothing, for I pleaded 
 so much poverty, that the whole sum was given for charity 
 in the neigbourhood. The sexton had a month's mind to 
 me, and he told me as much by way of circumlocution, pes- 
 tering me for two or three days on sleeveless errands, till I 
 sent him away with a flea in his ear. The money I had got 
 made the suit go well on my side, judgment was given for 
 me, and I set out for my town of Mansilla, on an ass of my 
 own, and with 300 ducats in my purse. My brethren 
 received me civilly, rather out of fear than love ; and I made 
 choice of an old acquaintance of mine, a sort of bully-ruffian, 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 65 
 
 to be my guardian, and look after my affairs. This man 
 lived not only in the town of Mansilla, but in our own house, 
 and I had a sort of kindness for him, because he took care 
 of me without seeking any advantage. However, I thought 
 fit to alter my condition, and look out for a husband that 
 might make my affairs his own. I remember some of my 
 acquaintance advised me to several superstitious practices 
 for promoting of my matrimony, which I did not like ; but 
 one among the rest bid me rise as soon as it was light on 
 midsummer-day, and the first thing I saw go by would be 
 the resemblance of my husband. I did so, and the first 
 thing I spied was an ass. I waited a little longer, and the 
 next was an eunuch; excellent omens of matrimony. I 
 altered my course, and went long pilgrimages for a husband, 
 because some are of opinion the farther they are brought the 
 better ; till at last I met with such a one as I deserved. 
 
CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 The Suitors described ; the Choice made ; and the Wedding. 
 
 There was no want of suitors, for in country towns a 
 young wench is like an open honey pot in summer. The 
 first of them was a dapper shabby fellow, a great cudgel 
 player, well enough shaped, but that his head was too little, 
 and looked like the head of a cane ; and his face so scarify 
 with the small pox, as if it had been harrowed. This spark 
 believing that Happy is the wooing that is not long a doing ; 
 attacked me without any ceremony, saying, Mrs. Justina, if 
 you think fit to take me for better for worse, to claw you 
 where it itches, to ease you of your burdens, to help dress 
 you, and serve you upon all necessary occasions ; here I am 
 at your service. Believe me, I am no way extravagant, but 
 in love, and that is all yours ; and my design is to make you 
 my whither-d'ye go. I could not but smile at the fellow's 
 plain-dealing, yet would not quite dismiss him till I was 
 better provided, for fear I might be served as the goddess 
 Delia was. She being courted by Apollo, slighted him be- 
 cause he was ill clad, he took her at her word, and went his 
 way ; but when she perceived that the whole host of heaven 
 followed at his retinue, she repented, and made a vow she 
 would ever after, at certain times, lament her indiscretion ; 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 6j 
 
 whence proceeded the ecHpses of the moon. As soon as I 
 had got a set of fresh gallants, I gave him his answer to this 
 effect, Good Mr. Shabrag, I understand you are a turner by 
 trade, which is an employment will always keep you at home j 
 and, I must tell you, I have no occasion for a perpetual 
 overseer : besides that, you will want horns to turn, and I 
 shall not be able at all times to supply you, unless when you 
 go abroad, which will be but seldom. Therefore, I advise 
 you, for the future never to set your foot within my door, or 
 come within the smell of it, lest I happen to comb your head 
 with a joint-stool. He fled as if he had been pursued by an 
 army ; and no wonder, for a woman's words are as dreadful 
 as the smoke of gunpowder. The next that accosted me 
 was a laundress's son, such an idle companion, that he 
 scorned to follow any employ, and altogether played the 
 gentleman, spending all the poor woman could rake together 
 by her labour. She waited on him at table, and in full satis, 
 faction, he would be two hours, telling her, his pedigree by 
 his father, alleging, he ought to have been tax-free, as being 
 a gentleman, but that the king had wronged the family for 
 above 200 years. These chimeras pleased the old fool so 
 well, that she thought she could never do enough for him. 
 The fellow took a fancy to marry me, but was so tattered 
 and ragged that he knew not how to look me in the face. 
 At length, after many projects, he resolved to attack me in 
 ^he habit of a morrice-dancer, and to that purpose, instead of 
 a shirt, which he wanted, wrapped himself handsomely in a 
 fine holland sheet of mine, his mother had to wash, and 
 
66 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 robbed half the cart horses in the town of their bells. In 
 this equipage he came along the streets, skipping like a 
 colt, with all the boys of the parish at his heels. The jingling 
 of the bells, and the noise of the rabble, drew me to the 
 window, where he spying me, began to exercise his talent, 
 leaping with all his might, which could not but make me 
 smile and cry out, Spare yourself a little, for the labour is too 
 violent, and may chance to wear out your shoes. He thought 
 my heart was moved with compassion, and finding the door 
 open, without further ceremony, ran up stairs into the room 
 where I was, and I had enough to do to avoid a salute, ask- 
 ing him, Friend, who are you ? What brings you hither, or 
 what would you be at ? Lady, said he, as to what I am, I 
 am a perfect phoenix in love ; what brings me hither is to 
 know whether you have any service to command me ; and 
 what I would be at, is to marry you. Good Mr. Morrice 
 Dancer, quoth I, I pitied your battering of your heels against 
 the stone, but now I cannot but lament your want of brains ; 
 and since you have divided your speech into three parts, I 
 must answer to them, telling you, that since you are a phoenix, 
 you cannot die till you are burnt, and I would not have my 
 sheet share in your fate. As for commanding you any ser- 
 vice, I have none fit for a Morrice-Dancer, unless it be to 
 hang himself ; and as for marrying me, I have often heard 
 that a man may take a woman in her smock, but never that 
 a woman should take a husband without a shirt. Shake your 
 bells, and be gone, for I will not spoil the children's sport 
 in the street. With this answer he faced about, and tumbled 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 69 
 
 down the stairs faster than he came up. At the same time 
 I made a sign to the wench that was washing the dishes, 
 who understood the least beck of mine, and as my gallant 
 came into the street, she saluted him with a kettle-full of 
 dish water in good temper. He was well washed, though 
 the water was not over clean, and the boys sharing with him, 
 grew into a passion, and fell a pelting him with dirt, till they 
 drove him out of the town, where he was never seen again. 
 
 It would be endless to give an account of all the pre- 
 tenders to me, they were so numerous. Some finding me 
 haughty, endeavoured to look big, and walked as stiff as if 
 stakes had been drove through them. Others imagined that 
 gay clothes would carry me, and dressed themselves like 
 merry-Andrews, or monkeys at a bear-baiting. Some thought 
 to win me by dint of love, and these spent their time in 
 gazing at my windows, sighing, making dismal faces, and 
 expressing wonderful transports if ever I happened to cast a 
 careless glance towards them. Others concluded none could 
 take me but a downright bully-ruffian, and therefore walked 
 my street with long swords by day, and made the stones 
 strike fire with them by night, as if they had been engaged 
 in quarrels. I remember one of these spying me at the 
 door, turned up his whiskers, cocked his hat, and laying his 
 hand on his sword, said to me, My sovereign lady, has any 
 one offended you ? If he has, by the Lord he shall not 
 live till to morrow. I answered, If you were to kill him that 
 offends me, you ought to make your will this moment ; but I 
 had rather you should live to make sport for the ladies. 
 
70 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 Observe here the folly of men to make themselves a merit of 
 their absurdities, believing that looking big, tawdry dress, 
 whining, or ranting, are ingredients to win a woman's heart ; 
 but this is the fault of the women who encourage them, for 
 want of distinguishing between worth and grimace. Thus 
 you see one fool is gained by a formal starched countenance, 
 another by a gaudy dress and flittering wig, a third by sigh- 
 ing and weeping, and a fourth by ranting and swearing. But 
 enough of these fops, for I am ashamed to mention a parcel 
 of numskulls, who came with a full resolution to enamour 
 me with fine speeches, and when we met had not a word to 
 say for themselves ; or to speak of the numberless billets- 
 doux, which for a long time furnished the pastry-cook and 
 grocer of our town ; or mention the many songs sung under 
 my window ; or reckon up the bumpkin pretenders that 
 flocked from all the country about. None of these moved 
 me, for now-a-days love is bought and sold, and the fairest 
 bidder carries the prize ; it is money makes the mare to go, 
 and an ass loaded with gold is more acceptable than the 
 noblest creature without that ornament. A certain scholar 
 I remember, told me, that in love there were two cases, the 
 dative first, and then followed the genitive. In short, it is 
 money that carries all before it, money covers all defects, 
 money gives all perfections, and without money nothing is 
 good and tolerable in this world. 
 
 In fine I wanted a husband, and one that would stand up 
 for my right, and defend my patrimony, which made me 
 pitch upon a man of metal, whom I had before chosen for 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 7I 
 
 my protector and guardian. Would you understand how he 
 gained me ? He looked at me, and I looked at him ; and 
 thus by degrees we gazed upon one another, as if we had 
 been both enchanted. I was wont to chatter to him like a 
 magpie, and could wind him about my finger, but as soon as 
 ever love began to take place, I was struck dumb, and had 
 not a word more to say for myself. He squeezed out a few 
 words, as if they had been pressed out of his soul, to express 
 his inclinations, and I gave my consent in as few. It now 
 remains that I inform you what a bridegroom I chose. He 
 was very conceited, and so much a gentleman that he never 
 kept a cross in his pocket, or ever paid a debt ; so tall, that 
 having asked leave of some ladies to visit them, they granted 
 it upon condition, he would take a tuck in his body to 
 reduce it to measure. His head was somewhat bald, which 
 showed he could not be over amorous ; his eyes little and 
 sharp, to denote he had wit and good intentions towards 
 women ; a sharp nose, a little mouth, and forehead full of 
 wrinkles, expressing much judgment; he was short and 
 thick necked, denoting a narrow soul ; and broad backed, 
 which implies a jealous temper ; he was not worth one far- 
 thing, which was a scurvy sign of poverty, and that produces 
 knavery. He had two faults, which would have made no 
 woman in love with him. The first, he loved gaming, and 
 would have lost his posteriors if they had been loose ; but I 
 could have dispensed with that had he lost nothing else. 
 The other was, that he was apt to run at mutton, yet I 
 
72 TrtE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 hoped 1 should tame him. But what need I talk of his 
 faults ? I took him for better for worse. You will say, How 
 came Justina, the sly jilt, to be taken in the snare? I had 
 interest in it, as wanting one to protect and support me ; 
 pride played its part, for he was a gentleman, and I wanted 
 one that would raise me from the dunghill I was born on ; 
 and importunity concluded the conquest, for he commended 
 me, and never gave over, and what could a woman do that 
 heard herself praised. Besides he loved me, and what could 
 I do less than love him again ? We said nothing of our 
 design to my brothers, for it is a true saying. That they 
 never prosper who can't keep their own counsel ; and I knew 
 they would never have consented, because it is the nature of 
 peasants to hate the gentry, and they would not endure to 
 let me rise above them. We all went to church on Sunday, 
 where the banns were bid, and my brothers fixed their eyes 
 on me, as if they would have stared me through ; I took 
 heart, and though in the church, asked them, what they 
 gazed at, whether they did not know me 1 The curate re- 
 buked me, and went on, and my kind brothers perceiving 
 under whose protection I was, disgorged all that belonged 
 to me to the utmost farthing. 
 
 The wedding-day came, and my neighbours flocked to 
 dress me, what one did the other undid, till they fell out and 
 scolded, but at length were pacified, every one had her way, 
 and I was set out to their heart's content When the brides- 
 maid appeared, she took all to pieces, and began the talk 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 73 
 
 again, and there had like to have ensued a fray about it. I 
 was all this while in little ease, for she was in a fair way to have 
 held on her work till the next morning, but that the njayor's 
 wife relieved me, alledging, it was but reasonable I should 
 please myself ; so they all left me, and I had my will, which 
 was no small satisfaction to my neighbours, who thought them- 
 selves sufficiently revenged of the bridesmaid. My spouse set 
 his helping hand to assist me, and they said my dress became 
 me. It is true, I did not like it, because all was in such 
 form, that I looked like a jointed baby, and could scarce 
 move either head or hands, a sufficient torment to me, who 
 was used to let no joint of me lie idle. The dinner was 
 plentiful, and as well eaten, and I could not but take 
 notice of some sharpers, who not satisfied with what they 
 could carry in their maws, sent home all they could lay their 
 hands on, with the bare compliment of By your leave, Mrs. 
 Bride. The wine was so good, that in three or four rounds 
 it made some of the guests stammer, and others speak more 
 languages than ever were at the tower of Babel. I had or- 
 dered, to make sport, some fritters stuffed with tow instead 
 of apples, and it was pleasant enough to see all the company 
 fall aboard, and what work they had to unravel their teeth. 
 The bride-maid lifted her hand to her head so often, that 
 she fell fast asleep, whilst the Mayor and Mayoress, and the 
 little fry of young mayors and mayoresses danced, as did the 
 clerk and the sexton, and all the flower of the parish. In 
 short, all that were able shook their heels, and those that 
 
74 THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 could not tumbled about the room till they made it crack. 
 The scholars of the town acted a play, which was The His- 
 tory of Queen Dick, and the Parliament of Women. The 
 music was good, but they sung the song of Patient Grizzel, 
 which was very ominous at a wedding. The sport ended, 
 the guests were lighted home with links ; and my spouse 
 and I were left to ourselves. I was at some loss this first 
 night, because other maids, when they are married, have 
 generally their mothers, aunts, or other women to keep them 
 in countenance, and bring them on when they keep back, 
 and pretend to be ashamed. I would fain have acted the 
 Coy one, and been carried to bed by force ; but looking 
 about me, found nobody I could trust with that intrigue. 
 My sisters excused themselves, as being maids, though it 
 was rather envy than modesty that withheld them. What to 
 do I could not tell, to run to bed did not look well, and to 
 ' lose the opportunity was worse ; for there were guests in 
 the inn who invited the bridegroom to play, and he was so 
 good natured that a small matter would have set in his hand 
 all night. Having weighed all circumstances, I concluded 
 the best way was to change the usual method, and court 
 him ; as I did, and perceived he had no small kindness for 
 me, since he left his dear cards for my sake. I had tricks 
 enough to impose upon ignoramuses, and sell cracked ware 
 for whole ; but there was no need of it ; I only hint at this, 
 that men may take heed of being too credulous ; and 
 lightly believing every token they find. But no matter, my 
 
THE SPANISH JILT. 
 
 75 
 
 spouse saved himself all that trouble, and when I expected 
 the greatest satisfaction, I was fain to compose myself to 
 sleep ; and do not question but the reader is by this time 
 grown weary of my maiden state, and will therefore leave 
 him to rest. Farewell. 
 
14 DAY USE 
 
 RETURN TO DESK FROM WHICH BORROWED 
 
 LOAN DEPT. 
 
 Tel. No. 642-3405 _ j ,^ j,,-. 
 
 Renewals may be made 4 days i5nor to date due. 
 Rinewed books are subject to immediate recall. 
 
 
 .t— «&a)i£ 
 
 gfi<pn j^t^/c JUL 3 8 19j 
 
 sERnsFntr 
 
 iU if- T .. IQQH 
 
 ^ — IH-6TA€KS— 
 
 JUN 5 1998 
 
 fEB-i5^53^ 
 
 U. C. BERKELEY 
 
 LCW fJBl 6 'Ml ^ 
 
 WOZ'95 
 
 LD21A-50m-2,'71 
 (P2001sl0)476— A-32 
 
 General Library . 
 University of California 
 Berkeley 
 
U.U BERKELEY LIBF