THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES
 
 ^- r
 
 PRANCERI 
 
 SELECT COLLECTION 
 
 O F 
 
 FUGITIVE PIECES, 
 
 PUBLISHED SINCE THE 
 
 APPOINTMENT 
 
 or THE 
 
 PRESENT PROVOST 
 
 OF THE 
 
 UNIVERSITY OF DUBLIN, 
 
 Ntxla milk modis lacerabltur umbra j tuafque 
 
 JEacm in punas ingen'mfui erit. 
 In ti tranfcribet veterum tormenta reorum ; 
 
 Manibus entiquis caufa quietit erit. OVID, 
 
 DUBLIN: 
 
 MDCCLXXV, 
 (PRICE, fewcd 2?. 84. h.)
 
 
 ERRATA. 
 P. 14 1. 19 for unveiled read unnoticed. 
 
 6z 1. a6 after po<w'r put a full Stop. 
 1 30 1. 1 7 for troth read Truth. 
 158 1. 23 for time read Term. 
 1 60 1. 15 for gfmmcmfVL&.Ge'mmeii. 
 4Oi 1. a 3 for _^f.r read rings. 
 104 1. a for ultera noftra read a/^r^ 
 
 ib. 1. 3 for aura read era. \noftra. 
 139 I. 3 for teurtt- read Csurff.
 
 ? 
 
 TO THE RIGHT HON. 
 
 J N H- -Y H N, 
 
 DOCTOR OF LAWS, 
 P. T. C. 
 
 LATE MAJOR IN THE FOURTH REGI- 
 MENT OF HORSE ; 
 
 REPRESENTATIVE IN THE LATE AND 
 
 PRESENT PARLIAMENT OF THE 
 
 CITY OF CORKE ; 
 
 ONE OF HIS MAJESTY'S COUNCIL AT LAW; 
 REVERSIONARY REMEMBRANCER OF 
 
 THE EXCHEQUER ; 
 
 REVERSIONARY SECRETARY OF STATE; 
 ONE OF HIS MAJESTY'S MOST HONOUR- 
 ABLE PRIVY COUNCIL; 
 
 AND SEARCHER, PACKER, AND GAUGER 
 OF THE PORT OF STRANGFORD. 
 
 MY DEAl FRIEND AND COUNTRYMAN, 
 
 IH A V E fo often told you how much I ad- 
 mired the verfatility of your genius and 
 the multiplicity of your purfuits, that it is un- 
 b neceflary 
 
 877006
 
 iv DEDICATION. 
 
 neceflary for me to trouble you, in the ufual 
 ftyle of dedications, with a fulfome eulogium 
 on your chara&er. Even Envy, when fhe 
 reads the motley lift at the head of this dedica- 
 tion, muft own that HARLEQUIN or PRO- 
 TEUS never underwent fo many metamor- 
 phofes as you have done. Having thus, there- 
 fore, immortalized your literary, fenatorial, 
 forenfick, military, and commercial abilities, 
 by creeling to your glory a pillar more durable 
 than brafs, decorated with a fhort but fignifi- 
 cant infcription, I mail proceed at once to that 
 bufinefs which is the occafion of my thus pub- 
 lickly addrefling you. 
 
 As we have had fo greatly the advantage in 
 the late literary contefts in the univerfity over 
 which you now fo worthily prefide, I thought 
 I could not do a more acceptable fer- 
 vice both to you and to the great fociety to 
 which I belong, than to collect into one view 
 the fugitive pieces that have iffued from the 
 prefs, fince you did us the honour to come 
 among us. We mail damn our adverfaries to
 
 DEDICATION. v 
 
 everlafting fame, by thus perpetuating their 
 wretched productions. 
 
 With refpeft to myfelf I fcorn to fteal a 
 wrearh from any man's brow in order to adorn 
 my own ; and therefore beg leave to inform the 
 publiek that I am not anfwerable for any 
 of the pieces in this colle&ion, except 
 thofe figned with my own name or that of 
 EUSEBIUS. It is quite unneceflary to tell 
 them that all thofe with the fignature of Mo- 
 DERATOR, and THE ACCOUNT of the new 
 Collegiate Regulations, are yours. Your ftyle is 
 marked by fuch particularities, fo diftinguifhed 
 by certain graces beyond the reach of art, that 
 every frejhman is now perfectly acquainted with 
 it. I have taken care to print my famous di- 
 lemma in capitals, as it is the great bulwark of 
 our caute, and as you have been fo kind as to 
 fay (pardon my pleafantry) that it is the moil 
 capital piece of diale&icks that has appeared 
 fince the celebrated dilemma of Protagoras, re- 
 corded by Aulus Gellius. 
 
 It
 
 vi DEDICATION. 
 
 It gives me inexpreflible pleafure to think 
 that we (hall thus go down together to pofte- 
 rity, and to have this opportunity of afluring 
 you that I am, Excellent Sir ! 
 
 The humbleft, and moil 
 
 Obfequious of your vaflals, 
 
 NATHAN BEN SADDI. 
 
 CON-
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 No. i. TO the Fe/k-ws and Scholars of the uni- 
 vcrfity of Dublin. 
 
 2. A congratulatory addrefs to the Provoft, 
 
 figned JUVBNIS, by order of the whole 
 body. 
 
 3. MODERATOR to the Publick He vindi- 
 
 cates his conduct. 
 
 4. VERAX to the Publick, in anfwer to the 
 
 foregoing Addrefs. 
 
 5. A Friend to independence States the con- 
 
 duft and arguments of Dr. DILEMMA. 
 
 6. EUSEBIUS to the PRINTER of the FREE- 
 
 MAN'S JOURNAL Vindicates his friend 
 Dr. DILEMMA. 
 
 7. STULTIFEX to EUSEBIUS Criticifm on 
 
 that writer. 
 
 8. A FATHER to the Rev. W. H. On 
 
 the duty of a College Tutor. 
 
 9. The fame fubjeft continued. 
 
 10. PHILO DID ACTOR to the fcholars of the 
 houfe States the conduft of the Pro- 
 voft, and his agents, with refpeft to the 
 approaching general eleftion. 
 
 ii. From
 
 viii CONTENTS. 
 
 No. 1 1 . From the fame to the fame. 
 
 12. The fame fubjeft continued. 
 
 13. NATHAN BEN SADDI to the Printer of 
 
 the Hibernian Journal Confeffes him- 
 felf agent to the ProVoft Vindicates his 
 own conduct. 
 
 14. A Scholar of the Houfe to the Rev. Mr. 
 
 Torrent Warns him not to forfeit the 
 efteem of the Scholars, by fupporting 
 Black Phil at the enfuing ele&ion. 
 
 15. HEROICS EPISTLE from BIDDY FITZ- 
 
 PATRICK to WILLIAM DOYLE, Efq; 
 
 16. CHARIDEMUS to HIPPARCHUS on his 
 
 general character and late promotion. 
 
 17. THE VOTE-TRAP ; or, a new art of 
 
 electioneering Dialogue between PRAN- 
 CERO and Dr. POMPOSO New rules 
 for fpeaking in parliament Epigram on 
 dancing being permitted in the College. . 
 
 18. MODERATOR'S fecond addrefs to the 
 
 Publick. 
 
 19. ANTI-MODERATOR'S remarks on the 
 
 foregoing addrefs. 
 
 20. MODERATOR'S third addrefs to the Pub- 
 
 lick. 
 
 21. MODERATOR- -to his refpedable conftitu- 
 
 ents in the CITY of CORKE. 
 
 22. From the fame to the fame. 
 
 23. The
 
 CONTENTS. ix 
 
 No. 23. The eleventh ode of the fecond book of 
 
 HORACE imitated to Sir John Bla- 
 
 quiere. 
 
 24. CHARIDEMUS to HIPPARCHUS Re- 
 
 commends moderation, and a lefs direft 
 attack on the rights of his people. 
 
 25. ANN us MIRABILIS The prize poem 
 
 for 1775. 
 
 z6. The Pro'voJFs ACCOUNT of the regulati- 
 ons made fince his appointment. 
 
 27. STULTIFEX ACADEMICUS to the Stu- 
 
 dents of the UNIVERSITY Criticifm 
 on the foregoing ACCOUNT. 
 
 28. OLD SLYBOOTS to the Printer of the 
 
 HIBERNIAN JOURNAL. The fame fub- 
 jec~l continued. 
 
 29. Hiftory of Mrs. COLLEGE. 
 
 30. MARTINUS SCHOLASTICUS to the Prin- 
 
 ter of the HIBERNIAN JOURNAL 
 Vindicates the Provojfs ACCOUNT of 
 his regulations. 
 
 31. CHARIDEMUS to HIPPARCHUS on du- 
 
 elling When excufeable Indefenfiblc 
 in the governor of a learned city. 
 
 32. Me BREACHER'S DECREE. 
 
 33. CHARIDEMUS to HIPPARCHUS. Re- 
 
 view of his conduct. 
 
 34. From
 
 x CONTENTS. 
 
 No. 34. From the fame to the fame. Exhorts the 
 electors of the College to unanimity and 
 firmnefs. Account of an outrage com- 
 mitted on a popular Printer. 
 
 35. CHARIDEMUS tothe CITIZENS of DUB- 
 
 LIN Exhorts them to mew a proper 
 refentment at the outrage offered to the 
 whole body, in the perfon of one of 
 their fellow citizens. 
 
 36. CHARIDEMUS to VERRES Hiftory of 
 
 the outrage offered to Mr. Mills Con- 
 duct of Hipparchus with refpecl to it. 
 
 37. FAMILIAR EPISTLE from G 
 
 H , Efq; to the right hon. J 
 
 38. Fragments of the memoirs of Mrs. Col- 
 
 lege. 
 
 P R A N-
 
 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 No. I. Saturday, September 3, 1774. 
 
 $>uos tibi Fortuna ludos facts ? Fads enim ex profeffo- 
 ribus fenatores, ex fenatoribus profej/ores. 
 
 PLIN. EPIST. 
 
 TO THE FELLOWS AND SCHOLARS OF TRCNITY- 
 
 COLLEGE. 
 
 * T F the motives which might draw you afide 
 
 J[ from your duty were extremely forcible, if 
 
 there were no eyes upon your conduct except 
 
 your own, if the truft repofed in you were lefs 
 
 facred, if your refentment had been iwakened by a 
 
 {lighter indignity than that which you have fo lately 
 
 futfered, I Ihould ftill exped that you would aft as 
 
 B ftould 
 
 * It is obfervable that the late Dr. Andrews was the firft in- 
 ftance of the Provoft of the Univerfity of Dublin obtaining a 
 feat in the Houfe of Commons, as Mr. Hutchinfon is the firft 
 example of a member of parliament being appointed Provoft of 
 that Univerfity. But we find from Juvenal as well as Pliny, 
 that there is nothing new under the fun. 
 
 Si Fortuna volet, fa de rbetore cottful, 
 Si volet bac eadem, fet de confule rbttor.
 
 2 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 Ihould become you. You will foon be called upon 
 to decide whether a man, with whom a connexion 
 or an intimacy would lately have been a condemna- 
 tion, has become, by any change of circumftance,. 
 a fit perfon to nominate your reprefcntatives. If 
 your alma mater has derived any advantage or dig- 
 nity from his appointment, if his own publick 
 conducl willjuftify your credulity in thofe whom 
 he may recommend, you will reward his difinte- 
 refted attention to your concerns, you will mew 
 every refpecl to the choice of a chief governor, to 
 whom nothing has appeared fo important as the 
 education of the youth of Ireland. But if your fo. 
 ciety has been confpicuoufly infulted ; if the 
 flighteft minifterial arrangement has been preferred 
 to your honour, to your interefts, and to the virtues 
 of pofterity ; if your right of returning members to 
 parliament has been amongft the foremoft induce- 
 ments to this outrage againft your privileges ; will 
 it be very fanguine in this nation to expedt that you 
 will not be acceffary to the ruin of Jrifh literature, 
 that you will not enfure future injuries to your fo- 
 ciety by a gratitude for the pad ? A government 
 borough fo readily corrupted, will never be in- 
 trufted to any but the moil confidential hands. The 
 motives to fuch a corruption are almoft beneath 
 computation. Who are fo independent as the fel- 
 lows ? The fcholars of the houte neither owe their 
 appointments to Mr. Hutchinfon's partiality, nor 
 hold them by his favour. To a tranfgreffing indi- 
 dividual his feverity may be formidable; againft 
 your united indignation, his malice would be im- 
 potent.
 
 PRANCERIANA. 3 
 
 potent. What then are thofe powers by which he 
 is to corrupt the young, and to frighten the inde- 
 pendent ? Powers of injuring, which women would 
 defpife ; powers of rewarding, by which a Cornilh 
 borough would not be corrupted. Without any 
 connection except that of the undoer with the un- 
 done, Mr. Hutchinfon expects to dictate to you, 
 where the conftitution has made you free. Two 
 months ago, a political recantation would hardly 
 have procured him toleration amongft you. You 
 are now to confider how a new crime can recom- 
 mend him. 
 
 If, contrary to the jult expectations of the pub- 
 lic, to gratitude, and to the truft repofed in you, 
 you mould betray the interefts of that fcciety 
 which fupports you, be not ignorant that all other 
 infamy would be obliterated by yours. Not the 
 miferable mechanick who throws away that confti- 
 tution which he knows not how to eftimate, not the 
 poor, the ignorant, the flattered, or the deceived 
 elector, but the learned, the independent, the 
 young, the injured will monopolize the publick in- 
 dignation men will then fay, it is not Harcourt, 
 it is not Hutchinfon that has undone our univeriity 
 but its own guardians Not the general who cor- 
 rupts the garrifon but the foldier who betrays it, is 
 the moft infamous of men. Lord Harcourt gave 
 them but one Hutchinfon ; all his fucceflbrs who 
 fhall referable him are appointed by the fervility 
 of Trinity College. That flight eftimation in which 
 he held them, and in which he was not miftaken, 
 B 2 rather
 
 4 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 rather does credit to his capacity For it is certain, 
 that very few at that time, knew them fo welL 
 Rather let every father return him thanks for hav- 
 ing made known the true character of our Univer- 
 fity. The body, wkich in fuch circumftances, 
 could reject an Hujfey,never can produce another *. 
 
 V&BBSH^^ 
 
 No. 2. Wednefday, November 16, 774- 
 
 Diu 
 
 Lateque vifirices cater*v<s 
 
 Confiliis JUVENIS revifta 
 
 Senfere quid metis rite, quid indoles 
 
 Nutritafaujlisfub penetralibus 
 
 Po/et. HOR. 
 
 An ADDRESS t the Right Honoured and mo ft learned 
 JOHN HELY HUTCHINSON, Efq; Pro-vojl of 
 the College of the Ho!} and Undivided Trinity, near 
 Dublin. 
 
 WE your Provoftfhip's moft dutiful and loyal 
 pupils, the ftudents of Trinity College, 
 Dublin, do moft humbly prefume to approach 
 your prefence, and congratulate you on your eleva- 
 tion to the ftation of Provoft of this College, which 
 your furprifing knowledge in every branch of hu- 
 man erudition has fo wonderfully qualified you for. 
 
 With 
 
 * Since the writing of the above, the independent eleflor& 
 of the univerfity have nominated Walter Hufley and Edmond 
 Malone, Efqrs. as proper perfons to reprefent them in the en- 
 Cuing parliament.
 
 PRANCERIANA. 5 
 
 With admiration we behold a perfon of your ho- 
 nourable and reputable extraction, incorruptible in- 
 tegrity, nervous eloquence, and gracefulnefs of per- 
 fon ; in fhort, a being pofleffed of fo many rare 
 endowments of body and mind, that though it be 
 impoflible to pronounce in which of thefe you ex- 
 cel, yet the one ferves to add the greater brilliancy 
 to the other ; placed as you now are at the head of 
 a fociety which may, if not viewed in the blaze of 
 your perfections, be called learned ; and we con- 
 gratulate ourfelves that we happen to be members 
 of the univeifity at a time, when you, who are the 
 Decus et Columen Patrice, are wifely placed as a 
 crutch to fupport our Alma Mater, tottering under 
 infirmities from internal difurders. 
 
 How do our breafts fwell with gratitude to the 
 difcerning and gracious Harcourt, and his fagaci- 
 ous fecretary, Sir John Blaquiere ? To thefe excel- 
 lent judges of literary merit, did you wifely and 
 happily for this feminary, difplay your knowledge 
 of Thucydides and Demofthenes peri Stepbanou ; con- 
 vinced them, (and eafily they were convinced, 
 fuch is the force of your oratory) that Scaliger and 
 Cafaubon were but novices to you ; and that paf- 
 fages which were to thefe critics inexplicable, ea- 
 fily yielded up their hitherto hidden treasures to 
 your all-fubduing fagacity, and were even known 
 to your illuftrious progeny a Cunalulis, by intuition : 
 Hence this delegate and fub-delegate of Majefty, 
 fubdued by the inceffant repeticion of Thucjdides, 
 and Demoflbengs perl Stephancu, as the moon by the 
 B 3 incantations
 
 6 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 incantations of Circe, eafily yielded to your de/ires, 
 and conftituted you Provoft merely for the emolu- 
 ment of the Refpublica Literarta. 
 
 With mame we muft confefs, that none of our 
 prelent fellows were equal to the arduous tafk of 
 governing this college, and promoting the ftudy of 
 the fine arts. Drones as they are, which of them 
 was qualified to be profdrbr of equeftrian exer- 
 cifes ? The inftitution of that illuftrious profefibr- 
 fhip was referved to grace the asra of your govern* 
 ment. Profeflbrs of dancing, fencing, &c. we may 
 expeft from your unwearied endeavours to promote 
 the intereft of this great feminary, and to render us 
 all humble, though diftant imitators of your moft 
 graceful deportment. 
 
 Permit us to aflure you, moft learned Sir, as your 
 promotion has been fo much owing to your inti- 
 mate acquaintance with, and repetition of thefe ca- 
 baliftical expreflions, Tbueydides and Demoftbenes 
 peri Stepbanou ; that every man of us will incef- 
 fantly repeat thofe words, in humble imitation of 
 your profound learning, of which they have been, 
 as it were, the teft, feal and mark, in the prefence 
 of every great man whom we may occafionally be 
 in company with ; and that we fhall moft carefully 
 praclife and encourage the art of harmonioufly ha- 
 ranguing upon nothing, of which ufeful fcience you 
 daily prove yourfelf a compleat mafter, as well in 
 the fenate as at the bar, in both places fpeaking for 
 hours, nay whole days together, without uttering
 
 PRANCERIANA. 7 
 
 one arguirent of which the moft acute fenator or 
 barrifter can take hold, 
 
 Suffer us then, Potofi of erudition, humbly to lay 
 ourfelves at your feet, and implore your protection, 
 and to aflure you, 'that when a period ftiall be put 
 to this prefcnt parliament, we will all chearfully 
 concur in electing for members, to reprefent this 
 univerfity, fuch perfons as you mail condefcend to 
 nominate ; firmly relying, that you will dictate to 
 our choice, for that important truft, perfons only, 
 who will be as difinterefted as yourfelf, and though 
 not equal to you in learning, (a thing in its nature 
 impoffible,) yet as learned as you can procure, 
 and fuch as have been educated in that nurfe of 
 genius, the ill uftrious college of Eton, near Wind- 
 for; whofe lively imaginations have not been fullied 
 by the laborious ftudy of philofophy, which to the 
 difgrace of all true gentleman-like education, is yet 
 permitted to dwell within this college; but which 
 we hope foon to fee totally expelled, under your 
 aufpices, by preceptors in horfemanfhip, fencers, 
 dancers, and muficians : and we alfo prefume to 
 affurejoar learned eminenee, that we mail, on atl 
 other occafions be your moft humble Jla<ues ; to con- 
 vince every future chief governor, that no member 
 of this univerfity ought to be taken notice of by his 
 Majetty'sfervants, on a future vacancy of theprovoft- 
 Ihip, (which heaven for a long term of years avert ! 
 Serus in Ccelum redeas ! ) but that perfons equally 
 well flcilled with your eminence, in all kind of par- 
 B 4, liamentary
 
 8 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 liamentary fervice to the crown, are the only per- 
 fons qualified to fuperintend the education of the 
 youth of this happy and flouriflung kingdom. 
 (Signed by order of the reft) 
 
 J U V E N J S. 
 
 No. 3. Monday, November 28, 1774. 
 
 QUOJ ego fed motos preftat componerefufius. Vi R G . 
 To THE PUBLICK. 
 
 MANY attempts having been lately made 
 to influence the minds of the Scholars, 
 directly tending to the fubverfion of all difci- 
 pline and fubordination in the Univerfity, for 
 preventing thofe ruinous confequences, it is be- 
 come neceffary to ftate to the public the truth 
 of the tranfaclion which has been made the pre- 
 text for much mifreprefentation : 
 
 On Wednefday the 9th inflant, at two o'clock, 
 the head porter of the College brought the Provoft 
 a paper, which had been potted that day upon the 
 great gate of the chapel, in the words following : 
 " The electors of the College are requefted to meet 
 
 " this
 
 PRANCERIANA. 9 
 
 " this day at two o'clock, at Ryan's in Fovvnes's- 
 " ftreer, to confider of proper perfons to be put in 
 " nomination as candidates for this Univerlity at the 
 " enfuing general elec'Hon." The Provoft did not 
 enter into the occafion of this meeting, but confider- 
 ed the porting of a notice in the College for the af- 
 fembling of the Scholars at a tavern, as a dangerous 
 innovation, and as an example of the moft pernici- 
 ous tendency to the tranquility, and good govern- 
 ment of the College ; and, therefore, fent the two 
 deans to inform the young gentlemen afl'embled, 
 that he did not enter into the fubjecl of their meet- 
 ing, but ordered them to difperfe, and retire to their 
 rooms ; they at firil refufed, but the Provoft having 
 again fent the two deans to them to warn them of 
 the fatal confequences of their difobedience, they 
 difperfed. On the next day the Provoft thought it 
 his duty to confult the Senior Fellows upon thisoc- 
 cafion, and having recommended the moft gentle 
 mode of proceeding that could be thought of, refer- 
 red the decifion to them, and with their concur- 
 rence, and in their prefence reproved the Scholars 
 who had aflembled, in the following words : 
 
 " Gentlemen Scholars of the Houfe, 
 
 " In confequence of the unanimous opinion of 
 " this board,l am to reprove you for your affembling 
 ' yefterday at Ryan's tavern, as fuch meetings tend 
 ' to the iubverfion of difcipline, the diilurbance of 
 " the peace, and the interruption of the ftudies of 
 
 "the
 
 ro P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 " the College; and alfo for yourrefufal to difperfe, 
 " and retire to your rooms, when the Provoft fent 
 " the two deans to you with his orders to that pur- 
 '* pofe : and I am happy that your difperfing after 
 " receiving a fecond order from the Provoft, has 
 * put it in the power of the board to avoid inflicl- 
 " ing a feverer punifhment than this reproof, which 
 " I give you in the performance of my duty; and 
 " the board hope you will have a juft fenfe of their 
 " lenity upon this occafion, and expeft that this 
 " will be a fufficient caution to you not to repeat 
 " thofe ofFences for the future." 
 
 The power of the Scholars to meet for nominat- 
 ing candidates was never confidered, nor was it ne- 
 ceffary or proper to be confidered by the Provoft or 
 the board; but the Provoft in difperfing, and the 
 board in reproving, did not in any refpeft interfere 
 with the defign of their meeting, butacied only with 
 a view to the difcipline of the college. 
 
 The difperfing the aflembly of Wednefday the 
 9th inftant, could have anfwered no eledlion pur- 
 pofe; the impracticability of preventing the Scholars 
 of the houfe, if fo difpofed, from affociating or no- 
 minating candidates, is obvious ; and enforcing the 
 difcipline of the College in this inftance againft 
 tbofe gentlemen, as ftudents, muft have offended 
 them as ele&ors ; but, a meeting of the Scholars at 
 a tavern, in Term time, and in confequence of a no- 
 tice potted in the College for that onrpofe, is a tran- 
 
 faclion
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. u 
 
 faction unheard of in any Univerfity, and would 
 have been fubverfive of all order in this, if the Pro- 
 voft had not interpofed, after having received official 
 information of it. 
 
 The electors of the College have the fame rights 
 with all other eledors ; tbofe rights have never been 
 queftioned, and the fulleil exercife of them is per- 
 fedtly confident with the prefervation of good order 
 in the College. But, it fliould be remembered that 
 the Scholars of the houfe are ftudents as well as cleft ~ 
 ors ; that they are all of them very young men, 
 and feveral of them under age ; that fome of them 
 will ceafe to be electors before a vacancy mall hap- 
 pen, and others will not then have that capacity 
 from being minors ; and that, if the fubjedl of elec- 
 tion, when there is no vacancy, mall be confidered 
 as a fufficient realbn for the Scholars aflembling in 
 town whenever they mall think proper, they may 
 do fo at any time or times, from one parliament to 
 another, and the power of the Provoll and Fellows 
 to keep them in the College, upon which the whole 
 fyftem of difcipline principally depends, will be en- 
 tirely fubverted. 
 
 Let experience be appealed to, and if will be 
 found, that there has never been an inftance of 
 iuch a meeting, when there was no vacancy, either 
 in this or any other college.
 
 iz PRANCERIANA. 
 
 The fenior fellows have unanimoufly cenfured 
 this meeting, as tending to fubvert the difcipline, 
 difturb the peace, and interrupt the ftudies of the 
 college. Thofe gentlemen are of known ability 
 and integrity j have been for many years conver- 
 fant in the government of this univerfity, and can- 
 not be luppofed to have been influenced by any 
 other motives than the general good of the fo- 
 cie'ty. 
 
 If any thing oppreflive or arbitrary mould be at- 
 tempted in this univerfuy, the publick has a right 
 to animadvert ; but if in mere matters of difcipline 
 there is to be an appeal to the publick, from the 
 unanimous determination of the provoft and fenior 
 fellows, the government of this great and numerous 
 fociety will become impracticable. 
 
 The ftatutes of the college oblige the fcholars to 
 obey the provoft in all matters of difcipline. The 
 fcholars of the houfe are fworn to obey the ftatutes, 
 and to obey the provoft in all things honeft and 
 lawful, with the readieft will and zeal } and confe- 
 quently are bound to follow his directions in all 
 matters of difcipline, which the provoft may, in all 
 cafes, not exprefsly provided for by the ftatutes, 
 cither determine himfelf or refer to the board ; the 
 Jatter method was upon this occalion adopted, as 
 the moft moderate, and the leaft liable to mifrepre- 
 fentatioQ. 
 
 The
 
 PRANCERIANA. 13 
 
 The only objection to the beft difciplined, and 
 one of the moft learned univerfities in the world, is 
 its fituation in a metropolis. Great pains have 
 been taken to guard againft this inconvenience, by 
 not permitting the (Indents to refort to the city, 
 but under certain reftriftions. If the fcholars of the 
 houfe fhall be allowed to aflemblp in the city in great 
 numbers, and to fix up notices for that purpofe, and 
 if the heat and violence of party (hall find their way 
 from the city into the college ; that objection will 
 alarm every thinking man in this kingdom. 
 
 This is not the caufe of the provoft, or of the 
 fenior fellows ; it is the caufe of your fons and 
 kinfmen, of the rifing generation, and of pofterity. 
 Allay tbofe ferments ; fuffer not the peace of this 
 fociety to be longer difturbed ; and do not ren- 
 der it impoffible for the provoft and fellows to do 
 their duty by your own children. 
 
 From this true (late of fals, every man of dif- 
 cernment muft fee that the difperfing this meeting 
 was calculated folely for the welfare and tranquility 
 of the ftudents, and could have had no poffible view 
 of reftraining their liberty, or influencing their 
 votes ; and that a connivance at fuch a meeting, 
 though it might have flattered the young gentlemen, 
 would have been criminal in the governor of a col- 
 lege, who, in this inftance, facrificed every view 
 of election policy to the faithful and difmterefted 
 performance of his duty. 
 
 MODERATOR,
 
 M 
 
 P-RANCERIANA. 
 
 No. 4. Monday, December 5, 17/4. 
 
 Who dares think one thing and another tell,. 
 My heart detefts him as the gates of hell. 
 
 TO THE PRINTER OF THE HIBERNIAN JOURNAL; 
 
 AN addrefs to the publick, iigned, Moderator, 
 appeared in your Journal of the 28th of 
 November laft ; which, from the length and 
 inanity of its periods and arguments, and its flu- 
 died mixture of falfhood and truth, may, with the 
 greateft probability, be concluded to have been the 
 production of the pen of our provoft ; and as the 
 public may be mifled by this addrefs, and the 
 jobbing, the petulance, ignorance, and incapacity 
 for his employment of this little intruder, pafs on 
 the uninformed public as zeal for the welfare of this 
 unfortunate feminary, if the untruths and misrepre- 
 fentations contained in it were to contiuue unveil- 
 ed, I have thought proper to mark the feveral 
 falmoods, and mifreprefentations of this piece, in 
 their order ; at the fame time ailuring the publick, 
 that I have had the beft information of every tranf- 
 a&ion relative to the meeting of the fcholars of the 
 
 college
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. i s 
 
 college on the gth of November ; their arbitrary 
 and unwarrantable difperfion ; and the proceed- 
 ings of the provoft and board thereon : and that 
 tho' I heartily abhor the intruder, and the fliame- 
 lefs adminiftration who made him our governor, 
 yet my abhorrence {hall not caufe me to fwerve 
 from the ftricleft truth. 
 
 Firft, the provoft infinuates, that, " he gained 
 "his intelligence of this meeting of the fcholars, 
 " at two o'clock on the gth of November, when 
 " the paper mentioned in his addrefs was brought 
 '* him by the head porter, officially ;" now, I af- 
 fert, that the faft was not fo j but that he had no- 
 tice of the intended meeting of the fcholars on the 
 8th of Nov. from a mean, warm, weak man in the 
 college, who afts for him in the double capacity of 
 a fpy, and an adviier, and by whofe intemperate 
 counfels he is wife enough to be chiefly guided in 
 college affairs ; and that he determined to leave the 
 Four-courts early on the pth of Nov. in order to dif- 
 perfe that meeting ; which he did accordingly dif- 
 perfe, in the manner he has mentioned : and that 
 on the morning of that day he had given orders to 
 the head porter to watch and bring him any paper 
 which might be pofted on the gates of the college. 
 
 Next he aflerts, that he was influenced to dif- 
 perfe it, from confidering " the pofting of a no- 
 * tice in the college for aflembliag the fcholars at a 
 " tavern, as a dangerous innovation, and as an ex- 
 *' ample of the mod pernicious tendency to the 
 
 " tranquillity
 
 16 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 " tranquillity and good government of the college ; 
 " and that he did not enter into the occafion of this 
 " meeting." What a plaufible, and at the fame 
 time, moft flagrant falfhood is this ? In order to ex- 
 pofe it fufficiently, I muft necefTarily give an 'ac- 
 count of the caufe of this meeting, and mew that 
 all the prefent ferment and diforder in the col- 
 lege has originated from the provoft himfelf. A 
 few days before the meeting, the provoft fent for all 
 the tutors in the college, and told them he intended 
 at the next general election, to recommend two 
 candidates to the choice of the univerfity, one of 
 whom (hould be his own fon, and requefted their 
 yetes and interefti with their refpe&ive pupils, who 
 are fcholars of the houfe. This was received as 
 the very fignal for electioneering. Such of the fcho- 
 lars as refented the barbarous treatment the college 
 had received from government, in robbing them of 
 their greateft, and, indeed, the almoft only valuable 
 prize they had for literary merit, and bellowing it on 
 a little parliamentary brawler, immediately caught 
 the alarm ; and thinking that this was the time 
 to {hew their refemment, by afierting their inde- 
 pendency, and convincing adminiflration that they 
 would return two members as difagreeable to the 
 court as poffible ; and that they might, perhaps, by 
 this meafure, fecure the reverfion of the provolllhip 
 to the coll ge, agreed that it would be proper to 
 have a meeting for the purpofe of nominating two 
 candidates ; and accordingly the paper mentioned 
 in the provoft' s addrefs, was pofted on the gate of 
 
 the
 
 PRANCERIANA. 17 
 
 the chapel . The provoft getting intelligence of this 
 intended meeting at the time, and from the perfon 
 before mentioned, determined to difperfe it, from 
 the fole motive of preventing the fcholars from no- 
 minating two candidates contrary to his intereft, 
 and not from any of the motives mentioned in his 
 addrefs : of thjs any perfon may be convinced who ' 
 will confider the following circumftances. Firft, I 
 am well informed, that he himfelf told the board, 
 which he aflembled on this affair, that he had notice 
 of this meeting the day before it was held ; and that 
 he came home early on^ the gth of Nov. from the 
 Four-courts, in order to difperfe it, and had given 
 the aforementioned order to the head porter j fo that 
 he would have difperfed them in the fame manner, if 
 the notice had not been pofted : the porting of the no. 
 tice, therefore, was no part of his motives fordifperfing 
 the meeting, as he afferts. Secondly, The meeting of 
 the fcholars at a tavern, on fuch an occafion, was 
 not contrary to any of the ftatutes of the college, 
 and therefore he had no right whatfoever to take 
 fuch notice of it. The frequenting of taverns is 
 forbidden by the ftatutes with a view to the prefer- 
 vation of fobriety and order ; but going once to a 
 tavern, on fuch a ferious and folemn occafion, and 
 before dinner, at which time there was no danger 
 of intemperance, can never be called frequenting 
 taverns in the ftatutable fenfe, or in any fenfe what- 
 foever ; and therefore his difperfing them could not 
 arife from any view to the good government of the 
 college, which is fufficiently provided for by the 
 
 ftatutes,
 
 iS PRANCERIANA. 
 
 ftatutes, and does not ftand in need of any abfurd 
 new regulations of fuch a provoft, which may be 
 juftly called innovations Thirdly, If it mould be 
 granted that fuch meetings tend to the difturbance 
 of the tranquillity of the college, yet in this cafe it 
 muit alfo be granted, that the provoft himfelf made 
 that meeting neceflary, by firft commencing his 
 operations in electioneering ; and that therefore he 
 was the difturber of the tranquillity of the college. 
 Fourthly, His indifcreet, hafty, ill-judged beha- 
 viour throughout the whole tranfaftion, together with 
 "his petulant and impotent menaces to the junior 
 dean*, {hew his real defign in difperling the meet- 
 ing, and that prefervation of order and difcipline 
 was no part of it. 
 
 In the next place he aflerts, that " he thought 
 " it his duty to confult the fellows on this occafton, 
 " and having recommended the moft gentle mode 
 *' of proceeding that could be thought of, referred 
 " the decifion to them." Very condefcending, in- 
 deed ! The truth of this matter ftands thus : The 
 provoft was extremely defirous to punilh fome of 
 the leading fcholars for their no crime in aflembling, 
 and afterwards difperfing on his order, and finding 
 the ftatutes did not give him any power to inflict a 
 punifhment by his own authority (the provoft's fole 
 authority of punilhing without the board being li- 
 mited to certain crimes fpecified in the ftatutes) he 
 aflemblcd a board, and I am well informed that he 
 was fo far from recommending the moft gentle mode 
 
 of 
 Mr. R d n.
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 19 
 
 of proceeding, that he endeavoured, by his pretty 
 perfuafive oratory, to induce the fellows to rufti- 
 cate three or four of the leading fcholars, which is 
 the next puniihment to expulfion ; bur, finding he 
 was fecanded in this by none but Didymus* (the 
 fycophant of living, and Calumniator of dead 
 provofts) he was obliged to drop it, and content 
 himfelf with reproving them, in the manner fet 
 forth in his addrefs ; at the fame time, in the rage 
 of his difappointmem, declaring to the board, that 
 if thefe fcholars (twenty -four in number, and the 
 flower of the univerfity with refpect to learning and 
 morals) had not difperfed at his fecond fending to 
 them, he would have expelled them all, by his own 
 authority, for contumacy. Rare inftance of his 
 underflanding and mildneis ! 
 
 He next aflerts, " That there never has been an 
 " inftance of iuch a meeting, when there was no 
 " vacancy, cither in this, or any other college." 
 To this it may be anfwered, very truly, that this 
 is the firft time any provoit of this college has be- 
 gun to electioneer before a vacancy, and therefore 
 the meeting of the electors became neceflary, to 
 counteract his operations, before the vacancy. 
 
 His next aflertion contains a doctrine never heard 
 of in the college, " that the provoit may in all cafes, 
 " not exprefsly provided for by the ftatutes, either 
 " determine himfelf, or refer to the board." I fay 
 he cannot in any cafe whatfoever, not exprefsly pro- 
 vided 
 * Dr. L d.
 
 to PRANCERIANA. 
 
 vided for by the ftatutes, determine himfelf, but 
 muft and ought to refer to the board, in all fuch 
 cafes ; and therefore in this tranfaftion he did not 
 refer to the board, as thinking fuch reference " the 
 moft moderate method, and tbe leaft liable to mifrepre- 
 /extaiion" but he referred to the board, for the 
 reafons I have before fully mentioned His fuppli- 
 cation to the public, towards the clofe of his ad 'refs, 
 is really ludicrous: "Allay thefe ferments; fuffcr 
 " not the peace of this fociety to be longer difturbed, 
 " and do not render it impoffible for the provoft 
 *' and fellows to do their duty by your own chil- 
 " dren." That is, this incendiary has fet a houfc 
 on fire, and then, to avoid fufpicion, calls for the 
 parifh engine. What does he mean by doing his 
 duty to the ftudents in the college ? The moft gall- 
 ing part of the injury done us by making him pro- 
 voft is, that his petulance, if poffible, exceeds his 
 ignorance, and that in confequence of both, he is 
 every day infulting us by his pretences to know- 
 ledge, and by propofing abfurd, crude and impradli- 
 cable regulations, both in difcipline and inftruclion ; 
 and certai I am, that his appointment to his pre 
 fent ftation, has alarmed every thinking man in this 
 kingdom. 
 
 Thus I have gone through this famous addrefs, 
 and hope that I have fufficiently expofed the mifre- 
 prefentatiens contained in it j and I folemnly aver, 
 that I have been influenced to this publication by 
 no other views but the love of truth, and my ha- 
 tred
 
 PRANCERIANA. ^\ 
 
 tred of all thofe vipers who facrifice every thing 
 that ought to be dear to a citizen, to their inordi- 
 nate defire of power and riches, and will boldly 
 grafp at every employment, facred or profane, pro- 
 vided it is a lucrative one, let them be ever fo unfit 
 for it, and though their notorious incapacity ihould 
 bring ruin on their country. 
 
 V E R A X. 
 
 No. 5. Tae/day, December 6, 1774. 
 
 TO THE REV. D R F S TH, J N R 
 
 D N OF T TY C ^OE. 
 
 IF your conduct had been only contempti- 
 ble, I fhould not have troubled you with 
 this publick addrefs. If you had continued to pay 
 the meaneft adulations to bifhops and other men 
 in power, and had not attempted to corrupt the 
 hearts and deftroy the principles of the youth of this 
 univerfity,! Ihould have fufferedyourinfamy to becon- 
 fined to thefe walls, and not have published your cha- 
 racter to the world. I mean not to mention a fm- 
 gle point, the truth of which is not inconteftable ; 
 many I (hall even fupprefs : for if I was to recount 
 the numerous abfurdities and vile praftifes you have 
 
 been
 
 22 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 been guilty of, I Ihould fwell this letttr to the fize 
 of avolume. When Dr. Andrews was provoft, noman 
 talked more loudly than you of the propriety of op- 
 pofing his dictates, and of the neceflity that men of 
 liberal educations fhould convince the world of the 
 liberality of their fentiments, and give the kingdom 
 an example of difinterefted independence. But 
 your behaviour fince a late promotion, has evinced, 
 that it was the man alone you oppofed. How con- 
 fiitent does it appear in the perfon, who, on the laft 
 college election, aflerted he would have gone to the 
 publick meetings of the fcholars, if he could have 
 found a fingle fellow to accompany him : how con- 
 fident, I fay, does it appear in fuch a man to de- 
 clare, only becaufe the head of this fociety is chang- 
 ed, that they acted not only contrary to law, but 
 contrary to their oaths, who lately aflembled to fix 
 on fuch candidates as would, by their integrity and 
 abilities, refledl the higheft honour on their choice ? 
 You, fir, are undoubtedly a man of learning, yet 
 have been hurried on by your intemperance to treat 
 men of learning as if they were fools : for had you 
 not confidered them as fools, you would never have 
 fupported the caufe you have efpoufed with abfurd 
 arguments and futile dilemmas. That the publick: 
 may be acquainted with your reafonings on this fub- 
 jeft, I mall mention that one, on which you feem 
 to lay a particular ftrefs. You affert, THAT IF 
 
 THE PROVOST IS A GOOD MAN HE OUGHT NOT 
 TO BE OPPOSED; IF A BAD MAN, THAT OPPO- 
 SITION WOULD BE FRUITLESS; for he could 
 
 nominate
 
 PRANCERIANA. 23 
 
 nominate two clafles of fcholars before the election, 
 which would fecure him a majority of voices. 
 
 I hope there is not at prefent a gentleman in the 
 univerfity who would accept of a fcholarlhip 
 on fuch terms ; and I will do Mr. Hutchinfon the 
 juftice to fay, I believe he never once entertained 
 fo wicked an idea. I doubt not, fir, if you were 
 provoft, you would execute what yon have con- 
 ceived. I doubt not but you would attempt every 
 adl of injuftice in your own caufe, when you have 
 gone fuch lengths to fupport another's. When our 
 prefent provoft was appointed, he did not pretend 
 to be acquainted with our interefts. By your ad- 
 vice he is conftantly direfted ; by your advice he 
 arbitrarily difperfed the free ele&ors j and to your 
 advice muft be attributed that daring impropriety 
 which has already difcovered itfelf in the whole of 
 his conduft. I blame him not for his mifdeeds. 
 When appointed, thanks to the -wifdom and goodnefs 
 of our chief governor, he knew nothing of the duty 
 of his office ; he relied entirely on you for infor- 
 mation, and you mifled~him.' For the precipi- 
 tancy and intemperance which makes fo confidera- 
 ble a part of your character, are fufficiently marked 
 in that arbitrary and peevifh fyftem of government 
 which every occurrence gives us occafion to fee he 
 has adopted ; .and for the execution of which it is 
 notorious that vou have been appointed Jean, irre- 
 gularly, and out of the due coarfe in which that 
 office fhould go among the junior fellows. Some 
 
 few
 
 24 P R A. N C E R I A N A. 
 
 fewcircumftances more of your conduct I mall re- 
 mind you of, and conclude. You had the info- 
 lence to charge fome fcholars with ingratitude, for 
 not avowing flaviih principles ; becaufe, through 
 your means, they had obtained from the provoft 
 and board what they confidered as the reward of me- 
 rit, and you, as your treatment of them evinces, a 
 tribe. You had the bafenefs to mifreprefent the 
 conduct of others to their parents ; and you had the 
 meannefs to fue for the office you enjoy, in order to 
 poffefs the power of opprefling, with the appear- 
 ance of juftice, every independent fcholarof the col- 
 lege. This, fir, is the firft time you have ever heard 
 from me, I aflure you it fhall be the laft. 1 fhall 
 confider you for the future as funk below my no- 
 tice ; as unworthy of my pen. It will be fruitlefs 
 to attempt difcovering my name, as I have taken 
 every method to keep it concealed ; and your know- 
 ing it can be of no confequence, as I am far above 
 the reach of your refentment, 
 
 I am, Sir, 
 
 Jl friend to independence, 
 
 and a member of ibis univerjity. 
 
 No. 6.
 
 PRANCERANIA. 25 
 
 XW0X*&#i8^^ 
 
 No 6. Thurfday, December %, 1774. 
 
 How fluent nonfenfe trickles from bis tongue ! 
 
 How fweet the periods, neither faid, norfung. POPE. 
 
 TOTHE PRINTEROF THE FREEMAN^ JOURNAL. 
 
 SIR, 
 
 o 
 
 N Tuefday December the 
 6th, a letter appeared in the Freeman's Journal ad- 
 d retted to our Junior Dean, and fubfcribed A 
 friend to Independence, and a Member of the College. 
 When an independent fpirit aflumes the frightful 
 feature of flander unprovoked, mail we acknow- 
 ledge him a friend to independence ? When the 
 production of a diftempered brain mall be offered 
 as academical competition, mail his fignature be 
 undifputed ? 
 
 Gentlemen of generous thoughts and liberal edu- 
 cation, feldom embark on the ocean of defamation, 
 reftrained by humanity and delicacy of fentimentv 
 As it is impoffible to explore the variety of motives 
 to aclion that influence a publick character, mature 
 reflection will often fufpend cnfure, juftified even 
 by a combination of appearances ; yet poignant 
 reproof and genteel fatire, in many circumftances 
 are falutary are neceffary and the ftigmatized 
 infamy of vile aiTaffias, of character exalted, mould 
 C reftraia
 
 26 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 rcftrain abandoned inducements to groundlefs ca- 
 lumny. The fluices of honeft indignation, drawn 
 in virtue's defence, fhould overwhelm in oblivion 
 the odious enemy of venerated honour. 
 
 How could thy poifoned pen, dull fon of Scri- 
 blerus, dare addrefs the idol of publick applaufe 
 in the language of fcurrility. The confpicuous ob- 
 jedl of general acclamation, thy baleful hiding can- 
 not effeft nor difturb. By the native dignity of a 
 regulated temper fecured, at thy impotence, thy 
 envenomed fcandal he fmiles. Thy utmoft efforts, 
 exerted in an inferior fphere, can never reach a 
 breaft unconfcious of guilt. PofTeffed of our affec- 
 tionate obedience, he proceeds in that diftingui/hed 
 courfe, which has already attracted publick atten- 
 tion. Poffeffed of aftivity which no toil can con- 
 quer, his endeavours are directed to reftore to the 
 univerfity ancient difcipline, dignity and erudi- 
 tion. 
 
 Secular concerns and fafhionable amufements, 
 engaged many in a courfe of life inconfiftent with 
 iheir appointments. Hence ideas prejudicial to 
 the fcminary were generally adopted : and a refor- 
 mation became a matter of ferious attention. In 
 this date was the college inconteftibly immerfed, 
 and lovers of this country felt fenfible affliclion. 
 However the dean attempted a renovation, and 
 may the genius of Ireland fmile on his efforts. 
 Wherever council can operate, he is ever ready to 
 
 reclaim.
 
 FRANC BRIAN A. 27 
 
 reclaim. When perfuafive accents make no im- 
 prefllon on diflblute lives, we fee him fupport his 
 character, and enforce the ftatutes with intrepidity 
 and relolution. Should his aid become neceflary 
 in the fciences, to a laborious ftodent, we fee him 
 aflift, direct with encouraging alacrity. In a word, 
 rigilance to reform, perfeverance in defign, and 
 humanity to relieve, are the outlines of this cha- 
 raftej. 
 
 Though the exertions of fuch an active fpirit 
 command admiration, the infectious eye of zea- 
 lous predeceflbrs in office, cannot endure that fu- 
 periority which expofes their indolence. An irre- 
 gular being, at once a difgrace to the college, and 
 a fcandal to his family, who could never yield t 
 the haft controul, cannot brook the feverity of re- 
 gulation. Behold this unfortunate youth, in focie- 
 ty of equal perverfenefs, declaim againft dean, lite- 
 rature, parentage, nay heaven itfelf ! That reflec- 
 tion may cure their obltinacy, ere diffipation con- 
 fumes their intellects and fortune, is affuredly the 
 wim of the doctor, to which all his labours are di- 
 reaed. 
 
 I cannot perfuade myfelf, that the fcandal alluded 
 to was written by a ftudent; but, by fuppofing it 
 the undigefted effay of one of thofe clamorous fpi- 
 rits ftill this conjecture is improbable And in- 
 deed it is a fubject 1 mould difcufs with no other 
 defign than to exculpate gentlemen from the odium 
 C z of
 
 2 8 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 a foul infinuation, viz. That a futile letter, inele- 
 gant as it is fcandalous, fhonld be written by one of 
 their body, traducing the beft of men. This 
 would-be member of our univerfity, introduces a 
 fyftem of reafoning as the doctor's, that would dif- 
 grace an ideot ; and has effrontery to expect credit 
 to fuch forged aflertions : but it is well known, that 
 the do&or fhines in converfation, as in writing : 
 he is cool and attentive of engaging fweetnefs. 
 Diffidence in his own, and profound deference to 
 the opinion of others, fecure him fuperiority in the 
 moft learned circles , and all this accompanied with 
 nervous fenfe and dignity efexpreffion. I would not 
 be underftood to give the world an inadequate idea 
 of this great man from inability. I only give a 
 feint tranfcript of my own feelings ; but rinding 
 even this difficult, a faft which I fhall relate to the 
 world, will fpeak for me, and apologize, I hope, 
 for nay own emotions, and pleafe the benevolent. ' 
 
 A poor daughter of affliction, who had feen 
 happy days, lay wafted on the bed of woe, by the 
 combined preflure of infirmity and want on the 
 pillow of difeafe and care lay this parent .of fix 
 children for the fpace of fourteen months. All 
 fuccours from a few friends, and the charitable 
 within the circle of her acquaintance, being ex- 
 haufted, fhe pined with acute pain, and the yearn- 
 ings of a mother for poor orphans ! Deititute, cold, 
 and hungry ! An old woman attending in this col- 
 lege vifitcd the melancholy fcene, and fympathized ! 
 
 who,
 
 PRANCERIANA. 29 
 
 who, having learned an additional ilroke to the 
 plaintive tale, and paid nature the tribute of a 
 tear, faid me was fure Do&orForfayeth would gladly 
 fuccour them, were half their fufferings explained 
 to him. On hearing this the eldeft child, eleven 
 years of age, flole out unperceived, ran to the col- 
 lege, and fortunately met the do&or. On her 
 
 knees fhe unfolded her heart in three words, more 
 emphatically than the learned could do, perhaps, 
 in fo many volumes : " my mother is ftarving, and 
 will not live 'cill to-morrow." Some circumftances 
 making it impoflible to get any fort of a carriage, 
 he walked a confiderable dillancc, of a cold ni^Ht 
 at eleven o'clock, to convert the houle of mourn- 
 ing into joy to alleviate the forrows of a broken 
 heart ! Hear how he fucceeded : the mother is 
 ROW an upper fervant in a family of diftinftion, 
 and her children at trade. Adept in the moft in- 
 fernai rancour, digeft this anecdote and repent of 
 thy facrilege. 
 
 An explanation of the doftor's connexion with 
 the prefent, and his oppofition to the late provoft, 
 may be the fubjeft of another epiftle. And if I 
 fhall be able to demonftrate the uniformity of con - 
 duel, the unchangeable tenor and confiilency of 
 his life, gentlemen, too preciptate in. decifion, 
 will, I hope, take reflection for their guide. Thefe 
 obfcrvations arife from fentiments which his piety 
 and many amiable qualities have infpired, and are 
 publiftied as a duty incumbent on every ftudent, 
 C 3 in
 
 30 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 in teftimony of his abhorrence of that audacious 
 attempt to afperfe the eftabliflied reputation .of a 
 worthy man. Let it not be imagined that this 
 letter is a compliment, in confequence of an inti- 
 macy or imerefted hope, no, 1 am totally difen- 
 gaged from influencing attachments, endeavouring 
 to vindicate merit from the vile effufions of malice 
 and grofs mifreprefentation. 
 
 Unawed by human refentment, I mould exhibit 
 to publick animadverfion the moft dignified villain, 
 when his principles interfered with the conftituti- 
 onal happinefs of my native country : but it feems 
 that far different motives fway the heart of this 
 icribbling mortal, who introduces to publick view 
 an illiberal attack, without the flighteft foundation 
 an impeachment indeed unheard, unprecedented. 
 Vainly imagining, that he had given a mortal ftab, 
 he ludicroufly aflerts the impoflibility of difcovering 
 his retreat, equally obfcure as his IHle. Go, fon 
 of darknefs and no^furnal infamy go immure 
 thyfelf and accurfed machinations, in dreary wil- 
 dernefs, eftranged for ever from that fociety which 
 thy heart could injure, and never more provoke the 
 pen of 
 
 EUSEBIUS.
 
 PRANCERIANA, 31 
 
 No, 7. Saturday, December i, 1774. 
 
 And be who now to fenfe, naw nonfenfe leaning, 
 Meam not, but blunders round about a meaning- 
 
 TO EUSEBIUI. 
 
 MASTER Eufebius! matter Eufebius I 
 check your nag for one moment, I befeech 
 you. For God's fake, man, ufe your bone-fetter a 
 little gently on the high road of common fcnfe. 
 Here am I quite out of breath, dafhing after you 
 this half hour through all the bye-paths of old Far- 
 naby and Smiglecius But enough of metaphor. 
 
 Two whole columns (in anfwer to a particular 
 charge) of fuch inanities as thfcfe ! 
 
 D r F yth " is the idol of publick ap- 
 
 " plaufe." 
 " the confpicuous objeft of ge- 
 
 '* neral acclamation." 
 " he Ihines in converfation as in 
 
 " writing." 
 " he is cool and attentive." 
 
 C4 "he
 
 3a P.R ANCERIANA. 
 
 " he is of engaging fweetnefs." 
 " he is a great man !" 
 
 And eighthly and laftly, he relieved a poor old 
 woman after " her daughter had, on her knees, un- 
 " folded her ftory to him !" What a vindicator J 
 
 But as if this dofe of fulfome impertinence were 
 not enough to ficken the publiclr, you muft choak 
 them with abfurdities. Mark this : 
 
 " When an independent fpirit aflumes the fright- 
 " ful feature of {lander unprovoked, fhal] we ac- 
 *' knowledge him a friend to independence r" 
 
 Is itfccundum Smigfeciuffi td predicate abfolutely 
 of your iubjeft, in the beginning of a letter, what 
 you intend to deny in the cad ? 
 
 Mark again : 
 
 " Thy utmoft efforts, exerted in an inferior 
 "Sphere, can never reach a breaft unconfcious of 
 " guilt." 
 
 So that were they exerted in a fuperior fpbere, we 
 may infer that they might reach fuch a breaft. Ex- 
 cellent panegynck ! 
 
 You may perhaps imagine, Ettfebius, that I 
 know you, that I am your enemy, or the enemy 
 
 of
 
 P R A N C E R 1 A N A. 33 
 
 of the caufe you efpoufe. It is a mjftake ; I nei- 
 ther know you, nor have a wifli againlt you or 
 d r F . yth; but I have an irreconcileable 
 averfion to turgid verbofity, to inflated nonfenfe, 
 efpecially from TRIN. COLL, the chafte mother, I 
 would hope, of fimplicity and dignity. 
 
 Let me appeal to yourfelf, Eufebius, whether 
 any querulous attorney's clerk, who had been 
 whipt through Salluft, could put a plain thought in 
 a more pedantick drefs than this : 
 
 " As it is impoffible to explore the variety of rno- 
 " tives to aftion that influence a publick character, 
 " mature reflection will often fufpend cenfure, juf- 
 " rifled even by a combination of appearances ; yet 
 " poignant reproof and gentle fatire, in many cir- 
 " cumftances are falutary are neceflary and the 
 " iligmatized infamy of vile altaffins, of character 
 " exalted, mould rcftrain abandoned inducements to 
 " groundlefs calumny. The fluices of honeft in- 
 " dignation, drawn in virtue's defence, fhould 
 " overwhelm in oblivion the odious enemy of ve- 
 " nerated honour." 
 
 In Englifli thus, if I do not miftake the mean- 
 ing. 
 
 Mature reflection will often induce i to fu/pend 
 our cenfure of a publick character, however ftril - 
 ing the appearances, becaufe i: will inform as how 
 
 difficult
 
 34 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 difficult it is to difcover the motives to aftion. It 
 muft however be confefled that, poignant reproof 
 and genteel fatire, are on many occafions falutary 
 nay, neceffary but then the infamy which awaits 
 the character of a tradueer, mould deter a man from 
 engaging, at leaft for a common bribe, in the tafk 
 of groundlefs calumny : the burft of univerfal in- 
 dignation muft overwhelm fuch a fellow. 
 
 You may perceive from this fpecimen, Eufebius, 
 what is my objeft. It is, in truth, not whether 
 you or your opponent be right, but whether you 
 lliall both tell your ftory in a manner worthy the 
 publick eye, and that will not difgrace us in a 
 I^ondon circle : your adverfary wrote, at leaft, like 
 a man that could write. Had I any other end in 
 view, 1 would cenfure particular expreffions ; fuch 
 as tbejluices drawn, in the foregoing extract, which 
 is not Englifh. 
 
 I always underftood that, in proportion as a tale 
 was true or untrue, as it was affecting or otherwife, 
 decoration or painting, was or was not requifite : 
 but you, who had only to defend an honeft man, 
 and to relate a mere faft, (not that your fact is to 
 the purpofe) have diffipated your force in fuper- 
 fluous epithet, and unpointed amplification. 
 
 There are fo many men in Dublin, to my know- 
 ledge, better qualified for the tafk of reviewing 
 than I am, that I befeech you to believe that, no- 
 thing
 
 PRANCERIANA. 35 
 
 thing lefs than a fincere love for Alma Mater and my 
 country could make me fvveat you thus, my dear 
 Eufebius ! 
 
 STULTIFEX. 
 
 No. 8. ' Tuefday, December 13, 1774- 
 
 Exigite ut mores teneros ceupollice ducat 
 
 Utjtquis car a vultum facit ; exigite ut fit 
 
 Et pater ipjius caetus. J u v. 
 
 TO T II E REV. W. H. J. F. T. C, D. 
 
 S I K, 
 
 WHEN I was advifed co put my Ton under 
 your care, the recommendation which prin- 
 cipally influenced my choice, was the expectation 
 (induftrioufly fuggefted to jue) " that he would have 
 the benefit too, of being in feme meafure under the 
 tuition of your friend the Doclor."* Though dif- 
 appointed in that expectation, I did not complain, 
 while by attending folely to the duty of a Tutor, 
 your diligence made fome amends for other defici- 
 encies : for, fo excellent is the courfc in our Col- 
 lege, that any lad of common fenfe and capacity 
 muft be a tolerable good fcholar, if obliged to at- 
 tend regularly, and itudy carefully. But I now fee 
 
 the 
 * Dr, Forjayctb.
 
 36 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 the folly of intruding the tuition of a boy, to one 
 of as little experience, and as liable to be mifled as 
 himfelf j one whofe character and difpofition the 
 world is as little acquainted with, as he with the 
 world. 
 
 The conduct of your friend has proved him a ve- 
 ry unfit perfon, to be irttrufted with the important 
 care of forming the minds of youth. From the firll 
 iniight into his turn therefore, I little regretted his 
 not taking the mare, I was at firft perfuaded he 
 would, in the education of my fon , nor was L 
 much diflatisfied, when I found of late, that you 
 mifempldyed the time of Lefture, in vindicating 
 the abfurdities of the Doftor, inftead of unravelling 
 the perplexities of fcience, or explaining the beau- 
 ties of the claflicks. I excufed the abufe of tutelar 
 authority, while exercifed only to lighten the weight 
 of publick odium on your friend. But, when you 
 not only quit the line of duty, to deviate into the ex- 
 travagance of his errors ; but even rufh into the la- 
 byrinth of politicks, in which neither of you ought 
 ever to entangle yourfelves; when you defccnd to 
 the menial officioufnefs of a time-ferving tool ; and 
 publickly labour to inculcate flavifh principles of 
 non- refinance, and to feduce your pupils into un- 
 manly fubmijfion ; I own my patience is tried to the 
 utmoft ; and, whatever other parents may think, as 
 1 privately condemn, I will publickly upbraid, 
 Your offence is publick ; its tendency is of publick 
 import ; and it deferves to be made as notorious, as 
 it is dangerous. 
 
 Among
 
 F R A N C E R I A N A. 37 
 
 Among the many obnoxious tenets, which you 
 (Sir) have exercifed all your Httle influence and art, 
 to prevail on young gentlemen to admit ; you even 
 advanced this doftrine, improper at any time, but 
 moft prepoflerous now : " That Scholars of the 
 " Houfe ought not to refufe, to vote for candidates 
 " recommended by the Provoft." A pofition, fo 
 falfe and illiberal, ib publickly obtruded upon young 
 minds, demands apublick defcant. 
 
 Leaving therefore the follies of your friend the 
 Doftor, for the Scholars to ridicule, the Fellows to 
 defpife, your imprudence to palliate, and the Pro- 
 voft to countenance and reward ; I mall endeavour 
 by refuting you, who firft prefumed to fcatter fuch 
 dangerous leed, to prevent its taking root in our 
 Univerfity. My concern for the rifmg generation, 
 my love of true learning, my attachment to my 
 country, and my zeal for liberty, will not fuffer 
 me to be filent ; efpecially in a matter wherein my 
 own fon is fo eflentially intereiled. For his fake 
 therefore, and that of the other Scholars, you may 
 to hear again from an injured and offended 
 
 FATHER.
 
 38 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 No. 9. 7 'bur/day, December 15, 1774. 
 
 Dii Majorum umbristenuem & fine ponder e t err am 
 Spirantefque crocus, et in xrna perpetuum ver, 
 Qui praceptorem fanfti valuer e parent is 
 Efe loco. 
 
 Juv. 
 
 TO THE REV. W. K. J. F. T. C. D. 
 
 THERE fcarce can be a more convincing 
 proof, that it is criminal and fcandalous in a 
 ProvoJ}, to attempt any bias on the fuffrage of a 
 Scholar, than the melancholy inftance at the laft 
 Election : an inftance, which coft a worthy youth 
 his life ; and a man of genius, his honour and repofe. 
 What was it, fo incenfed Doftor ANDREWS againft 
 JOHNSON ?' Not his petulance or oppofuion ; for 
 he overlooked the fame in others. No : it was his 
 publickly branding him with the infamous crime, of 
 tampering with the Scholars : a crime, Sir, of which 
 ANDREWS could not bear the imputation though 
 You and your Friend can bear the guilt of it : a 
 crime. Sir, which (if proved upon the man, for 
 whom You havefo harangued the Scholars, and year 
 
 Friend
 
 PRANCERIANA. 39 
 
 Friend has fo inflamed them) muft difappoint thefel- 
 fifh purpofes, for which it is committed. As Head 
 f the College, it is difgraceful and unjuft in a Pro- 
 voft, to exert any influence on the voters ; as Re- 
 turning-officer, it is infolent and penal. 
 
 What therefore it is neither lawful nor honeft for 
 a Provoft, to folicit, it cannot be lawful or honeft 
 for a Scholar, to grant. The duty is reciprocal ; 
 and the violation of it is alike criminal in both : the 
 corrupter and corrupted alike are guilty. The Rope 
 of the Pulley is equally ftrained, by the weight that 
 is moved, and the power that moves it ; and every 
 wheel, in the machine, bears its fhare of the load. 
 For thefe reafons I aver, * the Scholars of the Houfe 
 
 * ought not to vote for any Candidate the Provo/l 
 
 * recommends :' nay, I aver, ' a Canditate whom ht 
 1 recommends ^how unexceptionable foeverono ther 
 1 accounts) ought to be rejected, becauje recom- 
 ' mended by the Provo/t.' 
 
 The Scholars of the Houfe are /worn, ' to obey 
 ' the Provoft in all things lawful and honeft ;' 
 they are confequently fworn, ' Not to obey the Pro- 
 ' voft in any thing [/^-lawful or Da-honeft :' the 
 particularizing the qualifying circumftances fets li- 
 mits to the duty, beyond which limits All is excep- 
 tion ; and confequently the circumftances, con- 
 trary to thofe prefcribed, muft be forbidden; be- 
 caufe tw.o contraries cannot both be true. It is as 
 unlawful and difhoncft in a fcholar, to be influenced 
 
 in
 
 40 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 in his vote, as in a provoft to influence : a fcholar 
 then, being fworn, not to obey the provoft in things 
 unlawful and dilhoneft, is confequently fworn, not 
 to vote for any man whom the provoft recommends. 
 
 But there needed not an oath to render it crimi- 
 nal and fcandalous : all electors are bound by eve- 
 ry tie of nature, law, and religion, to choofe their 
 parliamentary reprefentatives, according to the beft 
 of their own judgment, and not by the will of an 
 ether: it is a duty they owe, to God, that gives 
 them a right to choofe them ; to their country, 
 that calls on them to exercife that right for the 
 common good ; and to themfelves, in vindication 
 of the honour it does them, and the liberty it fe- 
 cures to them. If any thing can aggravate guilt in 
 one, more than in another, it muft be his having 
 a fuller knowledge of his duty, and a finer fenfe of 
 its obligations : if therefore it be fcandalous- and 
 criminal in any elcftor, to be influenced, and con- 
 fequently corrupt ; it is certainly much more fo, 
 in a gentleman and a fcholar. 
 
 It may be afked, for 1 find you have put the 
 queftion, fir, even in the public hall : mould 
 ' the fcholars reject a candidate of diftinguiftied 
 ' worth and ability, merely for being recommend- 
 ' ed by the provoft ?* The queftion is enfnaring to 
 youth ; and was infidioufly propofed, though no 
 part of the lecture it was your bufmefs then to 
 mind : it is a queftion, which mews, there needs
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 41 
 
 no ghoft to tell us, who put it into your mouth : 
 but it is a queftion, much eafier to be anfwered, 
 than fit to be propofed ; efpecially by you, and in 
 that publick place, and when it was your duty to 
 talk of other matters. The anfwer is, they jkould, 
 They mould rejeft every man, for whom the pro- 
 voft degrades himfelf to the abominable ftate of a 
 corruptor. 
 
 We are not do evil, for the attainment of good : 
 nothing can be good, for which evil ia committed, 
 and if it could, the end cannot fan&ify the means, 
 but the guile of the means mnft pollute :he end. 
 The good we feek at an ele&ior.,. is very uncertain : 
 the peifon we exped it from, may want the power, 
 or the wilf, to effect it. The candidate, that thrufts 
 himfelf forward, gives reafon to fufpedl hisdefigns; 
 the candidate that folicits votes by his friends, con- 
 fefles a deficiency of merit in himfelf ; and he, that 
 has recourfe to the influence of authority or power, 
 declares himfelf leagued againft public liberty, by 
 fuch an attack on the freedom of election : a candi- 
 date therefore, that builds his fuccefs on fuch a 
 foundation, betrays his want of thofe qualifications, 
 which alone ought to recommend him to the elec- 
 tors ; and fhews, it is not their intereft he has at 
 heart, but either his onvn, or that he is fupported 
 by. 
 
 Whether, therefore, we confider the fcholars of 
 the houfe, as truflees for the College, as young men 
 
 of
 
 42 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 of virtue and fenfe, as in a date of probation for 
 their future efMmation, as aflcrtors of the honour of 
 their own families, or as examples to the other elec- 
 tors of the kingdom ; I muft ftill infift, " They 
 ought not to vote for any man the provoft recom- 
 mends." Bad, as matters are in the world, men 
 of worth are not fo fcarce, that as good may not 
 be found, as any a provoft can recommend j clear 
 too, of that material difquaiification : in regard 
 therefore to their honour and their oath, for the 
 honour of the college and their friends, for the fake 
 of example, and for the publick good, SCHOLARS 
 OF THE HOUSE ought not to vott, for any man tbs 
 PROVOST recommends. 
 
 Such are the fentiments, fir, of every fpiritei 
 and judicious 
 
 FATHER. 
 
 No. 10.
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 43 
 
 No. 10. Saturday, December 17, 1774. 
 
 THE PUPIL'S FIRST LETTKRTOTHE SCHOLARS 
 OF THE HOUSE. 
 
 Dear Lads, 
 
 ZEAL For the honour of the college has hurried 
 us, I fear, into fome inadvertency ; and may 
 make us liable, not only to deceive ourfelves, but 
 to be impofed on by other*. Prejudice is prone, 
 both to miftake and mifreprefent ; elfe we fhould 
 not have feen fuch a letter, as lately appeared, 
 againft our worthy dean. Had the author known 
 the dean, as my tutor does, he would not have 
 judged fo feverely, or fpoken fo hardly, of his 
 publick conduft. Little as ye think it, the dean is 
 a very humane charitable man ; and does more 
 good, efpecially in the college, than he choofes him- 
 felf to fpeak of: my tutor told me fo ; and I can- 
 not doubt his word : his tutor told him fo ; and has 
 too much gratitude, not to credit his patron's good 
 report, efpecially from his own mouth. By whom 
 
 will
 
 44 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 will a young man be influenced, if not by his tu- 
 tor ? 
 
 For thefe reafons, I not only excufe but com- 
 mend my tutor, for embracing the opportunity of 
 lecture hours to vindicate the doctor ; and J hope, 
 for the fame reafons, I need not apologize for ad- 
 dreffing you on the fame fubjedt. My tutor has 
 exhorted and entreated all his pupils, to remove 
 the impreffions, which that letter elfe may leave 
 upos your minds : and fure it is right in him, to 
 jufricy the character he looks up to, as a rcndel for 
 his own ; and to oblige a gentleman, he is fo much 
 obliged to himfclf. Is it not to him he owes his 
 fellowfhip ? and is it not to him he owes the exer- 
 tion of all his powers? You will acknowledge, he 
 could not employ the lecture hours much better ; not 
 more, at leaft, to his own fatisfaction and our en- 
 tertainment. 
 
 The dean's publick conduct indeed is generally 
 deemed contemptible ; but it has not been viewed 
 in its proper light : he is accufed of adulation to 
 bifhops and other men in power ; but who can tef- 
 tify that ? My tutor affures us, it is a malicious 
 calumny ; and indeed I never faw any thing like 
 adulation about him : but I have never been in 
 fuch company with the dean. His favour to the 
 bifhop's fons is no proof: for aught we know they 
 may deferve it : and, if not they, perhaps his grace. 
 
 Which.
 
 PRANCERIANA. 45 
 
 Which of you would not be civil to the young gen- 
 tlemen for a good living ? 
 
 By other men in power, I fuppofe, the provoft 
 is glanced at; for he is a man in power, indeed. 
 Has he not gotten a great penfion, and amafled a 
 great fortune too ? Is he not a privy counfellor, aad 
 even prime to the prime ferjeant ? And is he not 
 provoft befides, though a layman and married ; tho' 
 utterly unacquainted with the conftitution of the 
 college, and unqualified even to fit for a junior 
 fellowfhip ? Has he not brought his fon from abroad, 
 to make him a member for the college ? And has 
 he not made him already, knight of the poft; and 
 fent him forth into the world to fight his battles, 
 as the champion of dorneftick honour and paternal 
 fame ? * 
 
 Who, but the provoft, dare openly employ bra- 
 voes, to blow a man's brains out, for telling him 
 what he knew before ? Who, but the provoft, dare 
 give publick notice, that vengeance is HIS; and 
 that he has commiffioned his fon to execute it ? 
 Who, but the provoft, dare pafte up fuch a no- 
 tice, not only in the college and the city, but even 
 in the courts ofjuftice, and even in the very pre- 
 fence of thofe fages, who are entruftcd with the con- 
 fervation of the laws ? , 
 
 He thai can do fuch things, is undoubtedly a 
 man in power ; nay, may be confidered, even as 
 
 men 
 See No. 15.
 
 46 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 men in power; for, can he not do what he will 
 with all the men in power ; and which of them 
 can expecT: to prevail in any thing he difapproves 
 of? Does he not exercife the power of provoft in 
 town, where he has no authority ; and in a manner, 
 the chief magiftrate dares not attempt ? And does 
 he not neglect the duty of provoft within the very 
 walls of the college, when its ftatutes interfere with 
 his attachments ? Did he not overlook an illegal 
 ridiculous challenge, fix,ed up in the college by one 
 of its ftudents ; and foon after publickly cenfure 
 the fcholars of the houfe, for putting up a peacea- 
 able conftitutioanl invitation ? 
 
 The dean is his prime minifter in the college : 
 the dean knows the provoft has been well paid for 
 all his fervices ; and may reafonably expeft, to be 
 well rewarded by him for his good offices. 
 
 PHIL. D1DACTOR, 
 
 No ii.
 
 PRANCERIANA. 47 
 
 No. n. Tuefday, December 19, 1774. 
 
 THE PUPII/S SECOND LETTER TO THE SCHO- 
 LARS OF THE HOUSE. ,V- 
 
 Dear Lads, 
 
 THE imputation the dean is branded with of 
 oppofing one provoft, and violently prompt- 
 ing and fupporting another, my tutor has declared 
 to be as falfe as the other charges againft him. 
 Such of you, as were in the college then, ought 
 now to ftand forth ; and make it appear, whether 
 the letter-writer or my tutor tells the truth ; and, 
 until fome fuch evidence clears the matter up, you 
 cannot blame me, for taking my tutor's word ; ef- 
 pecially as the doctor's prefent condudl bears tefti- 
 mony to the aflertion. But, allowing him as fpi- 
 rited in oppofition to the late provoft, as he is im- 
 petuous in favour of the prefent ; you mould conli- 
 der, the cafes are very different: the former in- 
 deed was thought a man of power, but the latter is 
 fo. What places or penfions did the other get, 
 for all his buftle and jocularity ? He made his uncle 
 a bifhop indeed ; but it was by mere bluftering 
 and bullying : this has made himfelf provoft ; and, 
 notwithftanding
 
 4 8 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 notwithftanding the many feeming improprhies of 
 the appointment, was neither refufed nor trifled 
 with, like the other : ibme friends of the former 
 (too) have been well provided for, but it was by 
 College Leafes> which the latter confiders as not 
 perfectly valid. 
 
 We are not to wonder then, if the doctor's con- 
 duct now appears a little different. Do&or Andrews 
 neither wanted courage or good nature ; neither 
 was he fo peevifh or implacable : the prefent Dean 
 therefore ran no great rifle, in fpiriting up the op- 
 pofition againft him, whether that provoft were a 
 good or a bad man. ' As a bad man, it was right 
 to oppofe him ; and as a good man, it was not dan- 
 gerous.' Skilful muficians adapt their airs to the 
 nature of their inftruments ; neither mould the 
 Dean be condemned, for changing his tune now : 
 for, if the provoft be a good man, it is wrong to 
 oppofe him and if a bad man, it is certainly dan- 
 gerous.' 
 
 Ye will excufe my repeating his own words ; 
 for, my tutor confefles, the Dean did make ufe of 
 this latter "Dilemma. But he urged it, only from 
 his regard for you ; and to prevent the evils, which 
 (he knew) you might expeft, if you had perfifted 
 contumacioufly difobedient. Befides he did not 
 think you would have been fo difpleafed : for, if 
 his defign was good, his argument was bad ; and 
 he knew, the retort of the Dilemma could not 
 
 efcape
 
 PRANCERIANA. 49 
 
 efcape you. Nay, he chofe that form of perfuafion. 
 on purpofe : becaufe, ' if he prevailed on you, you 
 would have reafon to thank him ; and, if you per- 
 ceived the weaknek of his argument, you fhould be 
 obliged to him' for not offering more cogent rea- 
 fons, when he was fent to difiuade you from your 
 favourite purpofe. 
 
 The provoft,, it is true, under the difguife of 
 Moderator, has allowed ; that ' fcholars of the houfe 
 are en titled to all the rights of free electors; and 
 thatexercifing fuch rights is neither inconfiftent with 
 good difcipline, nor injurious to ftudy : but, beg- 
 ging his Rt. Hon. pardon, I muft agree with my 
 tutor, that ' oppofition to the provoft is .againft the 
 ftatutes.' No man underftands the conftitution, laws, 
 and intereft of the college, better than the dean : his 
 new fchemes and new regulations prove it ; and, if 
 it were not fo, a gentleman fo learned, dijlnterefted y 
 and prudent as the provoft, would not be fo guided 
 and managed by him ; confulting him on all his 
 great concerns, as the princes of old did their facred 
 oracles, 
 
 Rebellion againft government is treafon by the 
 law ; your oppofition to the provoft, therefore, is 
 unlawful. The ftatutes exprefsly forbid confpira- 
 cies againft him ; affociations therefore, in fupport 
 of constitutional rights, are contrary to the ftatutes, 
 and to obey the provoft in all things lawful and ho- 
 neft ; nothing can be honeft, that leads to the vio- 
 D Jation
 
 5 o PRANCERIANA. 
 
 lation of an oath, or that is contrary to law ; your 
 confutations for the maintenance of independence 
 therefore, being difpleafing to the provoft, are un- 
 lawful and difhoneft. If you fay, that what I render 
 by the word honeft, may be more properly inter- 
 preted decent or honourable, confider, how inde- 
 cent and difhonourable it is, to violate an oath ; 
 and be convinced from the provoft's promotion, th'at 
 ' no man now can become right honourable, by 
 holding fuch publick meetings, and fhewing fuch 
 publick fpirit as you do.' 
 
 How much more prudent was my tutor's conduct 
 at the laft election ! he fays, be voted on both fides : 
 and you may be fure, he fought under his tutor's au- 
 fpices. Imitate, dear lads, his guarded conduct ; 
 and fo defend yourfelves with a two-edged fword, 
 as the dean does now with his dilemma. 
 
 PHIL. DJDACTOR. 
 
 No. 12.
 
 PRANCERAINA. 
 
 No. 12. Saturday, December 24, 1774. 
 
 THE PUPIL'S THIRD LETTER TO THE SCHOLARS 
 OF THE HOUSE. 
 
 Dear Lads, 
 
 WHAT has bewitched you ? Are you callous 
 to the touches of humanity ? Are you deaf 
 to the calls of pity ? You have ruined my tutor ; 
 you have fet the dean mad ; and I fear you will 
 break the poor prirvo/Fs heart. If you perfevere in 
 your taunts, and gibes, and fatyrick pleafantries ; 
 or carry your oppofition and refcntment any far- 
 ther; you will certainly have three lives to anfwer 
 for. 
 
 After all I had faid> in vindication of my tutor, 
 and in juftification of the doftor, I hoped, you 
 would be fenfible of your extravagance, and a- 
 mend : but the more you are cautioned, reproach- 
 ed, and threatened, the more obilinate and per- 
 verfe you grow. When the provoft himfelf rea- 
 foned with you in the character of Moderator, you 
 called his aflertions lies, his arguments quibbles, 
 his meeknefs hypocrify, and his exhortations cant : 
 D 2 again,
 
 52 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 again, when my tutor (under the fignature of - 
 Jebius] reminded you of the doctor's inflexible con- 
 fiftency, and temperate zeal, and fedate humility ', 
 and fweet good humour ; you ridiculed his pathe- 
 tick defcriptions as fuftian rant, and the inftance 
 of the doctor's charity 'as a filly tale. Nay, to 
 aggravate your atrocious crimes, you add infult to 
 rebellion ; and, to the provoil's face, mock his 
 concern for difcipline, and the attachment of" his 
 friends. 
 
 What is it you would t>2 at ? Do you pretend 
 to more wifdom and virtue, than your betters ; 
 and fet up for reformers, in fuch times as thefe ? 
 Can you fuppofe yourfelves fitter judges of parlia- 
 mentary merit, than the provoft ; or able to hold 
 out againft that perfuafion, which has convinced fo 
 many great lords, and famed orator?, and flaming 
 patriots, of the folly of ftubborn oppofition now? 
 Shall boys baffle that fophiftry, which has pre- 
 vailed en fquires, to load the inheritance of their 
 children ; on peers, to ennoble baftardy ; on plun- 
 derers, to fhare the fpoil ; and on inftruments of 
 defpotifm, to make a little blujlering coxcomb inde- 
 pendent ? Take my word for it ; if you make 
 any more ftir about freedom of election, not a man 
 of you need expect a fellowfhip, during the in- 
 tumbance of the prefent provoft : my tutor fays, the 
 doctor is fure of it ; and therefore fincc he cannot 
 influence you by his lectures, he has declared he 
 will write to your frieuds. 
 
 The
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 53 
 
 The provoft is refolved, the college (hall be like 
 other boroughs: it was a ftipulated condition: 
 and would you have a fenator, a privy-counfellor, 
 and a provoft break his word ? Promifes are facred 
 engagements ; and the fecret articles of treaties are 
 always the moft religioufly obferved. 
 
 In juftice therefore, lay afide your refentment at 
 the provojl ; he only ftudies to promote jour inte- 
 reft : in gratitude, put an end to your farcafms on 
 the dean and my tutor, they only wifh, to pre- 
 ferve you from harm. Can you fufpeft fuch 
 worthy, fteady, fweet, good men, capable of being 
 the dupes of ambition and avarice ? Can you im- 
 pute to fuch bafe purpofes, my tutor's POLITICAL. 
 LECTURES, or the dottor's DILEMMA. 
 
 PHIL. DID ACTOR. 
 
 No. 13. Monday, December 26, 1774. 
 
 Confiteor fe quid prodefl delitta fateri, OVID. 
 
 TO THE PRINTER OF THE HIBERNIAN 
 JOURNAL. 
 
 S I R, 
 
 IN the courfe of laft week I was fummoned fre- 
 quently to attend boards at the provoft houfe, 
 in order to anfwer for my unpardonable offence in 
 
 reading
 
 54 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 reading news-papers. One day, in the paflage to his 
 hall, I found the following letter, addrefled to you ; 
 and as it manifeftly was Doctor F r f th's in- 
 tention to have it publifhed, I imagine I mall do 
 but common juftice to his much-wounded charac- 
 ter, by tranfmitting it to you. 
 
 I am, Sir, 
 
 Your conftant Reader, 
 
 4 Scholar of the Houfe. 
 
 TO THE PRINTER OF THE H IBERN IAN JOURN AL, 
 
 SIR, 
 
 As many falfe, fcandalous and fcurrilous papers, 
 filled with grofs lies, and reflecling on my charac- 
 ter, have been lately publilhed, and as no body has 
 endeavoured to anfwerall the charges urged againll 
 me; I am compelled to undertake, myfelf, a vin- 
 dication of my conduft, and a general defence of 
 the propriety of my behaviour. No body that 
 knows me ever fufpefted that I gave a dinner to any 
 bilhop through friendfhip ; it is notorious, from 
 my former violent declarations againft them, that I 
 would not fubmit to their acquaintance, if I was 
 not convinced it would have ferved either my own 
 intereft, or my friend's. What fools the fellows are 
 to think that that could be done by any means but 
 
 adulation ?
 
 PRANCERIANA. 55 
 
 adulation ? ay, ay, my chara&er will be hurt, to 
 be fure, by its being faid, " I was great with 
 Bifhops." I was accufed, too, with having difap- 
 proved of the fcholar's aflembly : It is a well-known 
 faft, that I made every body I was fure would vote 
 for the provoft, go to the meeting to fupport his in- 
 terefl. What ! though I fcolded all the indepen- 
 dents, as they called themfelves, for provoking fo 
 worthy a, man by their conduct, is that a reafon for 
 charging me with cenfuring, indifcriminately, eve- 
 ry man that met ? The dilemma I do not difpute, 
 as I think it an excellent argument ; but I will 
 clearly refute the afiertion of my guiding the pro- 
 voft ; for fo far is it from being true, that it is no- 
 torious he abfolutely guides me, and that I never 
 have difputed any of his commands ; and why 
 mould I ? Has not he given me offices to the 
 amount of two hundred and thirty-one pounds per 
 ann. which is three times more than any other junior 
 fellow ever had before ? Were not fome even left 
 " without places, in order that I might be Sufficiently 
 provided for ? Would you have me be guilty of the 
 bafeft ingratitude ? and now I mention ingratitude, 
 it puts me in mind of a damned villain's aflertion, 
 that I charged fome fcholars with it, for not avow- 
 ing the fame principles with myfelf : It is falfe; it 
 is falfe. I only faid it was cruel and fcandalous of 
 them, when I had made promifes for them all to the 
 provoft, to make a liar of me by behaving like gen- 
 tlemen, forfooth. How can I fhew my face to the 
 nian after their infamous bafenefs in refuting me 
 
 theb
 
 56 P R V A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 their votes ? to fhew them the folly of their pro- 
 ceedings, I made ufe of invincible reafoning; but, 
 would you think it ? I could net convince the pup- 
 pies That the publick may fee that they were guid- 
 ed intirely by a fpirit of fadlion, 1 will mention one 
 
 of my ftrongelt arguments. If a difficulty, faid 
 
 I, occurred to you in any of your fciences, to whom 
 would you apply ? tome, certainly, orfome other 
 fellow; why, then, in any affair of fo much confe- 
 cjuence, mould fuch rafh, giddy boys as you, be 
 fuffered to make ufe of their own reafon ? It is evi- 
 dent you fhould let your tutors judge for you. The 
 truth of this pofition is fo manifeft, that I will fay 
 no more on that head. I never wrote to any man's 
 father fince I left off taking pupils ; If H s wrote 
 to them by mv directions, ought I to be charged 
 with it in a public paper ? it was faid, alfo, that he, 
 poor little fellow, expofed himfelf in vindicating 
 me, and the provoft, It is a damned lie ; he de- 
 fended us very well, and very humouroufly; for 
 every body, 1 am told, that heard him, could not 
 help laughing. I was charged with inconfiftency 
 in oppofing the late provoft, and fupporting the 
 prefent What did I ever get from Andrews, that 
 I fhould fupport him ? did he ever make an extra- 
 ordinary diftinftion between me and the other fel- 
 lows, though H s had as many pupils, fcholars 
 of the hotife, before his death as he has at prefent ? 
 did I not receive from the prefent provoft zfubftan- 
 fial mark of eileem on the difpofal of offices ? and 
 am not I promifed, whenever an opportunity offers, 
 
 that
 
 PRANCERIANA. 57 
 
 that his whole intereft ftiall be exerted in my favour ? 
 as I do not know the perfons who wrote to me, I in- 
 form them, whoever they are, through your paper, 
 that I defpife them as much as they defpife me. I 
 am fure they are fcholars of the college ; but I am 
 not at all vexed ; I would not give the fellows the 
 fatisfa&ion of putting myfelf in a paffion ; but if I 
 can find them out 
 
 I have unluckily made a ram vow, that I never 
 would fubfcribe my own name to any letter in the 
 publick papers ; I am therefore obliged to make ufe 
 of the nick-name, by which I am diftinguifhed in 
 the college. I am convinced, from your known 
 impartiality, that as the charges againft me have 
 been publifhed, you will alib publifh my defence. 
 
 I am, Sir,, 
 Your very humble fervant,. 
 
 NATHAN BEN SADDf.. 
 
 No.. 1 4>.
 
 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 No. 14. Vuefday, December 27, 1774. 
 
 Hie niger eft kunc tu Rorr.ant caveto. Ho R . 
 Nen tu, Pom font, c<ena diferta tua eft. MA a T. 
 
 TO THE REV. THOMAS TORRENS, J. F. TRINITY 
 COLLEGE. 
 
 SIR, 
 
 FROM the refpeft due to z fellow of our col- 
 lege, but more efpecially on account of that 
 fecret efteem had to yourfelf, I am induced to ad- 
 drefs you, on an event which feems to engage all 
 our attention. 
 
 For many years paft has the name of Torrens 
 founded with unufual delight, in the ear of every 
 ftudent ; and well it might, as no man ever kept in 
 that happy line, which diftinguifh.es too great fe- 
 verity from an over-eafinefs better than you did, 
 whether I confider you in the capacity of dean, or 
 tutor. In the round of toafts, where none but 
 men of worth were drank, you always led the van. 
 Mr. Waller was called the honeft, but you the 
 very honeft fellow. This, Sir, was formerly the 
 cafe ; but, alas ! how changed ! And why all 
 
 this ?
 
 PRANCERIANA. ^9 
 
 this ! Becaufe you have undertaken to fupport 
 Black Phill *, as a candidate for our univerfity ; a 
 wretch fo deteftable, fo odious to every one of us, 
 that a fiend from the Tartarian regions would be 
 as grateful to every eledlor. 
 
 But he fets up, I am told, for independence : 
 heaven and earth be witnefs, if this be tolerable ! 
 Shall that man, who, on every occafion fupprefled 
 truth, and trampled on liberty, become now an 
 advocate for independency ? Surely thofe gentle- 
 men, who all, to a mar. t I truft, have hearts im- 
 pregnated with generous principles, will treat fuch 
 confummate audacioufnefs as it deierves. For my 
 
 part, 
 
 * The Right Hon. P- p T J, bis majefty's attorney 
 
 general, fecretary of ftate, and judge of the prerogative court. 
 Of this gentleman the following character is given by aeon- 
 temporary hiftorian : " Ha was a man formed by nature, 
 and fafhioned by long pra&ice for all manner of court intrigue. 
 His ftature was low, fo as to excite neither envy nor obferva- 
 tion 5 his countenance di final 5 his public manners grave ; and 
 his addrefs humble. But as in publick he covered his proftitution 
 by a folemnity of carriage, fo in private he endeavoured to 
 captivate by convivial humour, and to difcountenance all pub. 
 lick -virtue, by the exeixife of a perpetual, and fometimes not 
 unfuccefsful irony To thefe qualifications he added an ex- 
 traordinary magnificence of living* His table was furnifhed 
 with every thing that fplendour could fuggeft, or luxury could 
 eonfume j and his profufion and policy united to folicit a.mul- 
 titude of guefts. To his houfe then reforted all thofe who 
 wiftied through him to obtain, or learn from him to enjoy 
 without remorfe, thofe publick emoluments, which arc the 
 purchase of publld infidelity,"
 
 60 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 part, as an eleftor, I will ; and join with thofe my 
 worthy and fpirited brother fcholars (whofe names I 
 would gladly fet forth in golden letters, were I not 
 certain the world would foon know them) in every 
 proper fcheme, to manifeft our refentment, and 
 rejefi the man. Let us then, my friends, Hick clofe 
 to each other, and fpurn thofe private inuendoes, 
 thrown out every day. By thefe means we will ob- 
 tain our end, and fet an example for the prefent 
 conftituents, throughout the whole kingdom, as 
 well as future ages. If we fail, this pleafing idea 
 will ftill remain, that we afted rightly; but if vic- 
 tory crowns our endeavours, how fuperlatively glo- 
 rious will be our fuccefs. 
 
 And now, Sir, I entreat, I conjure you not to 
 perfevere in fupporting_/ac^ a man, at the expence 
 of our warm efteem. Every attachment muft now 
 be laid afide, which afls repugnant to our coun- 
 try's intereft. Cari funt fatres, Cari funt liberi, 
 Cari funt amid, Jed omnes caritates compleftitur pa- 
 tria. We will fufpend our opinion for fome time; 
 if nothing is done mean while, you may expeft to 
 hear from me foon. 
 
 A Scholar of the Houfe. 
 
 No. 15.
 
 PRANCERIANA. 61 
 
 No. 15. Tburfday, December 29, 1774. 
 
 Crudum manduces Priamum Priamique pifinnos ? 
 
 Troy and her people *wouldji tbou eat alive, 
 
 And eat up Priam and his children all ? Ho B B E s . 
 
 AN HEROIC EPISTLE FROM BIDDY FITZPA TRICK, 
 
 Nurfery. maid to the right honourable John Hely 
 Hutchinfon, provoft of Trinity College, Dublin, 
 to William Doyle, Efq; as it was rejected by the 
 impartial committee of the Free-Prefs. 
 
 I SHOULD not have thrown afide the native referve of my 
 fex, by appearing thus in publick, had not the refpeftable 
 fcciety, of whkh I have the honour to be a member, been fo 
 boldly defy'd, by the gentleman, to whom the following lines 
 
 are addreffed. He has thrown down theglove,in thefe words: 
 
 " I republifh the letter, which you are pleafed to approve. 
 " Its exprefiions are as irretraftable, as its principles. I muft 
 " repeat every pafiage, even though I fhould make a nurfery my 
 ' enemies." J I hereby give the gentleman fair warning let him 
 purfue hoftilities at fis peril. BIDDY FITZPATRJCK. 
 
 AS beauteous Helen (bane and boaft of Troy)f, 
 In fhining armour, deck'd the Trojan Boy, 
 Rous'd,him, from revel, minftrelfy, and dance, 
 To wield the buckler, and to hurl the lance ; 
 
 From 
 
 J See the anfwer of William Doyle, Efq; to an addrefs pre- 
 fented to him by Mr. James- Napper Tandy, publi-ihed in the 
 Freeman's Journal. 
 
 \ We need not be furp/is'd at this young lady's erudition it 
 was but natural that the prefident of a learned feminary fhould 
 require an attention to literature, even in his nurfery maid.
 
 62 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 From foft embraces, and the btfd of down, 
 In laurell'd fields to purchafe fair renown ; 
 Refign'd her pleafure, for the hero's fame ; 
 And cry'd " go forth and earn a deathlefs name." 
 
 Divine Salvagni fends her hero forth, 
 To prove, in Freeman's Journal, patriot worth. 
 From melting airs, and foft Italian founds, 
 From luring eyes with fly infidious wounds, 
 From am'rous parley, from delightful war, 
 And gentle rights yet not without a fear, 
 She fends him forth to wield the grey-goofe pen, 
 And fcourge the publick deeds of publick men ; 
 With gentle lifp, me cries, to arms ! to arms ? 
 And alma mater hears the wild alarms. 
 
 Where, (mighty fpirit !) haft thou lain conceal'd ? 
 At molt, feen dimly in thy works reveal'd 
 Haft thou with wild prophetic fury fir'd, 
 To deep retreats, and facred ihades retir'd ? 
 Thou new Tirefias ! to forefee the doom 
 Of future patriots, candidates to come ; 
 What future honour, or what futufc fight 
 WithMay'ror Shrieve awaits Belcampo's knight j 
 With free-born hand, what legal pioneer 
 Shall rafe the walls 4 and turrets of Blaquiere ; 
 What funday-prentice through the park {hall fcour, 
 And proudly break his neck to mow his pow'r ; 
 What toils, what cares, what murmurs has it coft ! 
 On Liffe/s bank to feek her patriot loft ? 
 
 Where
 
 PRANCERIANA. 63 
 
 Where with his trident fea-born Achmet rules, 
 O'er jets, and fountains, bagnios, pumps and pools ; 
 Tremendous Beckford, hell-born Donoghoe, 
 And fcowling bailiffs, (a nefarious crew) 
 Unwelcome viiitants impetuous rove ; 
 The bagnio ranfack ; and o'erturn the ftove ; 
 The clofets rummage; in the cauldron pry; 
 And not a couch efcapes their impious eye. - 
 While various taflcs the triton race engage, 
 For every fex defign'd, and every age : 
 Some wither'd maids in vats of pickle lave; 
 And each a venus, rifes from the wave : 
 Some potent drugs and herbs in cauldrons brew, 
 That modern Efons into youth renew : 
 Some boil to mucilage, the tender beau ; 
 And blufh.es fome, on palefac'd maids beftow. 
 From baths and cauldrons, frighted patients fly, 
 And (hrieks and curfes rend the midnight &y. 
 In blankets fome (like bedlamites) conceal d, 
 And fome (fcant covering) fcarce by napkin veil'd, 
 Diflodg'd from covert like the frighted hare, 
 With locks difheveli'd, and with members bare, 
 Shudd'ring with cold and wild affright they feud; 
 And fhrink, before the legal fons of blood. 
 
 Why now at laft with fword and lance appear, 
 To fill a nurfery, with pallid fear ? 
 To whip the children, kick the nurs'ry maid, 
 And make the very cat and dog afraid. 
 Monfter ! more fell than nurfing legend knows, 
 Avaunt ! avaunt ! nor murder our repofe, 
 
 Ah
 
 64 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 Ah wilt thou dafh the babes againft the ftones ? 
 And fuck their blood and cranch their little bones? 
 Why on the nurfelings muft thy fury fall ? 
 What, all ray little ones ? thou tyrant ! all ? 
 No warlike din affrights this peaceful throng ; 
 But all is flumber, lullaby and fong. 
 No horror turns the cheek to afliy pale, 
 Save when the nurfe recounts her wizzard tale. 
 No rawbead terrifies the gentle train, 
 No Moodybwss deforms the fmiling fcene. 
 
 But fay what vengeance (hall th' invader feel, 
 Who threats a nurfery with favage Heel ? 
 
 Our eldeft hope, our young lulus ftands, 
 Th' avenging piltols glitter in his hands ; 
 Forth from this * great fociety he flies ; 
 (Though nurfe recalls and little brother cries) 
 Rous'd like a lion from his wicker cage, 
 Indignant marks thy blind impetuous rage ; 
 With fteahhy peace thy dark retreat pervades ; 
 And finds the Cacus, in his circling {hades. 
 
 I too will hurl my faucepan at thy head ; 
 Milk and panada, mail thy face o'erfpread. 
 
 Far 
 
 * " Regard to my own charafter, as a gentleman, and re- 
 " fpcft for the great ficiety, to which / belo> g, make me ab- 
 " ftain from ufing any opprobrious terms." -Vide, a letter to 
 William Doyle, Efqj republiflied in the Freeman of Novem^ 
 bathe i9th.
 
 PRANCERIANA. 65 
 
 Far other gift the chambermaid mall pour, 
 
 And diench thy vifage, in far other fhow'r. 
 
 A blanket yes a blanket fates decree 
 
 A lofty blanketing, thy meed mall be. 
 
 Four brawny chairmen mall the corners grace, 
 
 Four buxom wenches, mall the patriot place 
 
 On woven billow, that with adlive fpring, 
 
 Its reftlefs burthen to the roof mail fling. 
 
 There, like fome pan-cake turn'd, and tofs'd on 
 
 high, 
 
 There mail the hero tumble, flounce and fry. 
 Then malt thou dream, of being chair'd in Hate; 
 On weavers' necks up-borne (a welcome weight). 
 What (hall it boot how bright thy courage glow'd f 
 Or what the civick box on Wilkes beftow'd ? 
 Ah what the wreath imputed eflays yield ? 
 Or what the myrtle earn'd in Paphian field ? 
 Not Newenham mall fave thee from our hate. 
 Not Napper Tandy mall avert thy fate. 
 No, mould thy Lucas (awful fliadow) rife, 
 Shake goes the blanket, and the patriot flies : 
 Flies like zjbuttlecock through airy plains, 
 While mounting feather folid log fuftains. 
 Around free citizens (a fapient band) 
 And Skinners-alley aldermen mall ftand : 
 The mighty Sheridan with aching fight, 
 Shall trace the patriot in his airy flight. 
 At length fome god mall fnatch him from afar, 
 And fix him in the heav'ns, a blazing ftar : 
 A blazing ftar, in alma mater's tail ; 
 To Provofts, boding fate and ruin pale, s 
 
 Th'
 
 66 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 Th' attempt, fuch dangers, and fuch glory wait. 
 Come 'prove the good and evil, of thy fate ! 
 
 BIDDY FITZPATRICK. 
 
 $oooeoe ooooooooeoooooooo oe GOO 
 
 No 1 6. Friday, December 30, 1774. 
 
 PLUT. in ANT. ED. BRY. V. 140. 
 
 TO HIPPARCHUS. 
 
 AM A N whofe conduft, O ! Hipparcbui I 
 claims univerfal hatred, may wonder at 
 finding one who pities him! -- but your am- 
 bition and vanity combine r with your prefent em- 
 barraffment to produce a fituation which malice itfelf 
 might compaffionate. Your dreams of projected 
 tyranny fade, to your mortification, as an ambitious 
 your abilities, doubtful before, are now afcer- 
 tained to your confufion, as a vain man. I pity 
 you or rather the ftate which fuffers in you ; for 
 when the head becomes ridiculous, the body muft 
 endure its mare of contempt. 
 
 Buftling, forward, affuming, and loquacious, 
 you rofe to honours ; not by fiaperior genius 
 your pleadings, your oratory in the fenate, prove the 
 
 contrary
 
 PRANCERIANA. 67 
 
 Contrary ; not by profeffional knowledge there 
 you are notorioufly lhallow and impotent ; not by 
 the talents of buiinefs let your conduct in your 
 new ftation fpeak for itfelf ; but by your vanity, as 
 infinite in its pretences, as impudent in maintaining 
 them. The firmnefs of your voice, your boldnefs 
 in pronouncing, and unblufhing defence of error, 
 bullied men into an half acknowledgment of your 
 abilities ; and while you feemed fo perfectly affured 
 of your own merit, the world grew weary or 
 afhamed of difputing the claim. Men are generally 
 unkind to demands for fame and honour ; their 
 courtefy to your's was fignal and lavifh ; it was 
 your own taik to prove it injudicious. 
 
 When you folicited an employment, fqr which, 
 by your profeffion, principles, and ftudies, you 
 feemed eminently difqualified, the malicious wait- 
 ed, in impatient fufpenfe, for the ominous excurfi- 
 ons of a planet that had fo wildly rufhed from its 
 ufual fyilem ; they were aftonifhed, not difappoint- 
 ed : but the candid, who feeing you in an employ- 
 ment fo different from any you had formerly filled, 
 hoped that you had changed your character, and 
 expelled fome good from you. 
 
 Yet even here you juftified the opinion entertain- 
 ed by fome, of your being an extraordinary man : 
 The poor oftentation of addrefs, the meagre parade 
 of abilities and learning, might have efcaped with 
 contempt (the emotion proper to them) it required 
 
 your
 
 68 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 your uncommon talents to make them objeds of 
 hatred. 
 
 You foon commenced tyrant , and our tyranny 
 has been a defultory, unmeaning, wanton oppref- 
 fion ; more like the wayward petulance of ajic/ily 
 child, or the teafing ufurpation of a weak woman, 
 than the calm, confident, fleady meafures of a 
 reafonable man ; an oppreffion tolerable only in 
 this that a thoufand laughable abfurdities in the 
 man, the miniftry, and mode of exertion, make 
 the tyranny ridiculous, and afford the fuffereis a jeft 
 in their mifery. 
 
 You, like the angel in one of our poets, or ra- 
 ther, the theatrical dasmon in another, feem to de- 
 light to ride in the whirlwind ; but is it to your 
 honour to raije a ftorm which you are unable to 
 dirett ? 
 
 There is a liulenefs, a meannefs in anonymous 
 publications, even in a good caufe, which can 
 only be excufed by the want of another channel for 
 communicating fentiments which ought not to be 
 concealed. The tafk may be ufeful ; it never is 
 honourable. It is a new thing to fee the head 
 of a great and learned fociety rank with the humble 
 band of newfpaper pioneers, that facilitate in fecret 
 the operations of party ; to fee the fhepherd of a 
 learned flock fend his verbofe productions (in the 
 form of paftoral letters,) to propagace idle prolixity, 
 
 and
 
 PRANCE R' IAN A. 69 
 
 and dcfpicable fophiftry through the kingdom, f 
 At your acceffion, you propofed to encourage 
 competition in the fociety over which you pre- 
 fide ; did you mean to encourage it likewife in the 
 political writers of the town, by giving a fubjecl in 
 your conduct, and an example in your compofitions ? 
 
 By .this ridiculous fenfibility, you confirmed the 
 opinion of your weaknefs, already excited by the 
 choice of your premier J. A man, who happily 
 unites the peculiar vices of a convent and a court : 
 hot, perfecuting, vindictive, prejudiced, and bi- 
 gotted, without honefty ; artful, plotting, intrigu- 
 ing, infincere, and unfriendly, without gentlcnefs 
 or politenefs. His injudicious precipitance has 
 caufed more mifchief, than his zeal and profligacy 
 can remedy. 
 
 Under the appearance of fuperior learning and 
 piety, this man has endeavoured to pervert the young 
 mind with fcandalous fophiftry and miferable ca- 
 fuiftry, and dared to preach thofe bafe fentiment.s, 
 which (though many pra&ife) only the ram bigotry 
 of a cloifler would avow. His conduct, indeed, 
 confirms the obfervation; that of all vices, thofe of a 
 Saint are moft odious, fhamelefs, and unrelenting. 
 What pleafure would it give a deiji to iee the pro- 
 feffion of piety rendered odious, by the practice of 
 
 a very 
 
 f See No. 3. 
 J Dr, F h.
 
 7 o PRANCERIANA. 
 
 a very religious man ; to find a fpy and an informer 
 in the priefthood. 
 
 We may trace the rafhnefs of your prompter, 
 in the attempt to introduce inquifition practices, and 
 monkifh trials; to eftablifh within thofe walls, 
 (where the courfe of ftudy excites, and the form of 
 government ought to cherilh liberality of fentiment) 
 a ftar- chamber, to defend the dread majefty of 
 great men, and great prerogative, by the multiplied 
 terrors of informations, accufations, examinations, 
 vexations, infults, reprimands and difapprobations. 
 Your miniature of archbilhop Laud, has invented 
 for you new branches of prerogative, to be aflerted ; 
 new crimes, new violations to be puniihed. 
 
 Armed with the doftrine of libels (that formida- 
 ble engine of oppreffion in all tyrannies) you have 
 invaded the ftudent, even in his own province. 
 You have opened a wide field for accufation, and 
 made it neceflary for him to fee a lawyer, before he 
 opens a new volume, f 
 
 The fubtilty of a veteran lawyer has been em- 
 ployed to enfnare the open artleflhefs of youth ; to 
 draw generous Simplicity into felf-crimination. 
 Such are your arts of government ; and their effeft 
 
 has 
 
 f Alluding to fevcral ftudents being cited and tbreatned to be 
 cenfured by Hipparchus for the high mtfdanefnyr of reading a 
 newfpaper ; on which important occafion nine conclaves were 
 held.
 
 PRANCERIANA. 71 
 
 has been, diftionour to yourfelf ftrength to op- 
 pofition. Your conduit has been fet in the moft 
 contemptible light, by that of the electors, which 
 has difplayed a calm intrepidity, a dignified decency 
 of oppofition, which would do honour to mature 
 manhood. 
 
 You are a vain weak man, in a ridiculous, per- 
 plexed fituation ; and as fuch I advife you to retraft 
 in time. Your counfellor is an ambitious, ram, 
 timid, indifcreet man ; ignorant of the temper, 
 carelefs of the interefts of your fubjecls. The reft 
 of your adherents want honefty and courage to con- 
 trovert meafures, which they muft condemn. They 
 indulge a difeafed adminiftration, to its perdition j 
 and the fruits of fuch counfels, muft be outrage, 
 inconfiftency, abfurdity and fhame. 
 
 Since you cannot fubdue, ceafe to perfecute ; 
 fuperintend the ereftion of your riding houfe. Let 
 it fatisfy your vaft ambition, to have gained the 
 hatred of the prefent generation. Seek not the 
 crimes of the future, by ruining the feat of edu- 
 cation. 
 
 CHARIDEMUS. 
 
 No. 17-
 
 7 2 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 No. 17. Monday, January 9, 1775. 
 
 Duplex Llbelli dos eft : Quod Rifum mevet, 
 
 Et quod Prudenti Vitam Conf.lio monet. PH/ED. 
 
 THE VOTE-TRAP: 
 
 O R, 
 
 A NEW ART OF ELECTIONEERING : 
 
 A 
 DIALOGUE. 
 
 SCENE. 
 Dr. Pompofo's Chambers in the College. 
 
 PRANCERO, POMPOSO. 
 Prancero. 
 
 WH A T a dreadful fituation, Pompofo, am I 
 in ? One of the great objefts, you know, 
 which I had in view, in my prefent eccentrick pro- 
 motion, was to get the feals. With one foot on the 
 college fteeple and the other on the fecretary's office, 
 I thought I could eafily jump into the chancellor's 
 feat. J muft own, my friend, Sir Spindle Barebones, 
 has kept his word with me. He is now in London, 
 and has done every thing in his power ; has memo- 
 rialed reprefented mifreprefented but I fear all 
 
 will
 
 PRANCERIANA. 73 
 
 will not do. This patriot Englifli Irifh chancellor, 
 with his curfed popularity, has marred our fcheme ; 
 and what is more provoking, the fellow feems to 
 laugh at our impotent endeavours to undermine him. 
 But let that pafs my grand objeft of all, as I have 
 told you, was to make the univerfity a fnug borough, 
 to nominate two members ; and with them and my 
 nominee for Lanefborough at my heels, I fhould 
 have fuch a following, that I mould be able to obtain 
 half a dozen more reversions for myfelf and my chil- 
 dren. To be foiled here " here where I bad 
 
 garnered up my heart"-*- were fuch perdition, that 
 the very thought of it makes me Ihudder. 
 
 Pompofo, Thefe young men have Grange notions, 
 that's the truth of it ; and they feem to be fo clofely 
 linked together, to be animated with fuch a fpirit, 
 and to be actuated with fo genuine a love of freedom 
 and independency, that I fear it will be a very operofe 
 tafk to work upon them. But, at all events, you 
 know you can nominate about a dozen fcholars next 
 Whitfontide ; and although they, with about half 
 of the fellows, and a few Itragglers from the adver- 
 fary's camp, will not make a majority, yet fo high 
 an aft of power will ferve to intimidate the reft, 
 and by fhewing them that no college honours are to 
 be obtained but by compliance with your requifiti- 
 ons, frighten thefe peftilent voters into your mea- 
 fures, or render their oppugnation futik and ineffica- 
 
 E P 'ran cere.
 
 74 FRANC BRIAN A. 
 
 Prancer<). It will be a daring attempt, and I 
 fear were I to do it, the houfe of commons would 
 fet them afide as occafional voters ; as they did in 
 old Baldwin's time. -But no matter. I am now fo 
 deeply engaged that I muft flop at nothing. But, 
 jny dear friend, that time is far off, and perhaps a 
 diflblution of parliament may take place between 
 this and then. May we not do fomething in the 
 mean while ? This Dr. Dilemma f, whom I have 
 too rafhly confided in, is fo proud, fo uncomplying, 
 fo paflionate, and has withal fo much of monkifh 
 feverity about him, that, although he is ready 
 enough to do the meaneft offices for me, yet he has 
 rather eftranged and exafperated the boys than con- 
 ciliated them to me : and, to own the truth, my 
 own meafures have, I fear, been too violent, and 
 feem rather to have cemented than loofened the op- 
 pofition. They begin to talk loudly of my break- 
 ing through the ftated order of college appoint- 
 ments, and of my thrufting a creature of my own 
 into an office to which he was not entitled, for the 
 purpofeof making him a Spy upon their aftions 
 of my having ere&ed an Inquifitiort within thefe 
 walls, and endeavoured to reftrain even the freedom 
 of thought of my arraigning ftudents for imputed 
 offences, undefcribed by the ftatutes J of my in- 
 veigling them to criminate themfelves ami after a 
 tedious and nugatory examination, diftnifling them 
 with a fort of Delphick Sentence, fo very ambiguous 
 
 that 
 
 f Dr. Fftb. 
 
 I Several ftudcnts were cited before the board for reading a 
 newipaper in the College Hall.
 
 PRANCERIANA. 75 
 
 that they could not appeal from it, becaijfe forfooth 
 no one could underftand it. This and a great deal 
 more has been faid, and I muft own not without 
 foundation. You remember, my dear doctor, one 
 of them, f whom I harafTed for three days at the 
 board (who, unfortunately for us, had fo amiable a 
 character, and behaved with fuch moderation and 
 decorum that we could not venture to meddle with 
 him) had the impudence to afk me to give him a 
 copy of rtty fentence in writing j no doubt, for the 
 purpofe of appealing to the vifitors. The fellow 
 wanted me to give the unfubftantial nothing a being 
 and a name, But I wander from my point. What 
 can we do with thefe rcfolute, impracticable 
 fcholars ? '." . 
 
 Pompofo. Why, in God*s name, fmce violence has 
 not fucceeded, you may eflay the effect of more 
 
 pacific operations. Adulation, adulation, is the 
 
 grand arcanum ; as my poor friend Andrews ufed to 
 
 fay. You are, you know, foon to erect a theatre 
 
 for the purpofe of teaching the rifing generation the 
 arts of elocution, oratory, and. fucb like : thofe arts, 
 of which you are at once fo admirable a model and 
 fo exquifite a judge. Now, fuppofe I were, under 
 the guife of a preparatory cOurfe, to collect as many 
 of the fcholars of the houfe as I can, two or three 
 times a week (taking care always to mingle fome 
 non-electors along with them as a cloak to our de- 
 fign) and initiate them in the arts of pronunciation, 
 2 enunciation, 
 
 f Mr. Palmer.
 
 76 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 enunciation, and. fuch like, by affigning them certain 
 portions of Shakcfpeare, Milton, &c. to recite. I will 
 delate to you thofe fcholars who are the moft aftive 
 agitators for freedom and independence, whom it is 
 moft important for you to court urgently, and who 
 will moft difficultly be wrought upon. Then you 
 may purpofedly drop in, as it were by accident, and 
 by high encomiums on their performance worm 
 yourfelf you underftand me 
 
 Prancero. Perfectly. Ten thoufand thanks, my 
 dear Pomp. " Thou art the beft of cut-throats." 
 1 befeech you lofe no time, but run immediately 
 and bring in as many of the fcholars as you can 
 meet with I'll retire into th; next room ; and 
 prefently when you are all in the middle of the 
 pandemonium or the Capitol, drop in among you, 
 
 Pompofo. I fly to execute your mandates ; nor 
 {hall I tverfuccumb under any talk you are pleafed 
 to impofe upon me. 
 
 [Pompofo goes out, and Prancero retires into an 
 adjoi-aing chamber. After a Jhort abjence 
 Pompofo returns with half a dozen fcholars ] 
 
 Pompofo. Be fo good, Sir Claflkk, and Sir Silver- 
 ton, to open the celebrated fcene in Julius Caefar, 
 between Brutus and Caflius. 
 
 \$cbulars read.]
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 77 
 
 Pompofo. Bene Euge admirable indeed ! 
 But whom do I fee ? I proteft our amiable P 
 has condcfcended 
 
 Prancero (entering). Gentlemen, I beg you'll 
 keep your feats Sir Claffick Sir Silverton pray 
 go on ; I lhall be glad to take a leflbn from two 
 young gentlemen of whofe excellent elocution I 
 have heared fo much, fince my promotion to the 
 high office I have now the honour to enjoy. 
 
 Sir Silverton. 
 
 You ba<ve done that you Jhould be for ry for ; 
 There is no terror, Caffius, in your threats,. 
 For I am arm'd fo ftrong in honefty, 
 That they pafs by me as the idle wind 
 That I reipeft not ; I did fend to you 
 For certain fums of gold, which you deny'd me, 
 For I can raife no money by <vi!e means ; 
 By heav'n, I hail rather coin my heart, 
 And drop my blood for drachma's, than to vvring- 
 From the hard hands of peafants their vile trafh 
 By any indirection : I did fend 
 To you for gold to pay my legions, 
 Which you deny'd me ; was that done like Caffius ? 
 Shou'd I have anfwer'd Caius Caffius fo ? 
 When Marcus Brutus grows fo covetous, 
 To lock fuch rafcal counters from his friends ; 
 Be ready gods with all your thunder bolts, 
 Dam him to pieces. 
 
 Prancert.
 
 79 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 Pranctro. ( Afide ) [not raife money by vile 
 means ! What an ideot \ but as Oliver Cromwell 
 ufed to fay, I muft talk to thefe fellows in their own 
 way] Excellent Brutus ! how noble, how gene- 
 rous, how difinterefted ! Sir Claflick pray proceed. 
 
 (Sir Cla/uk and Sir Silverton finijh the fcene.) 
 
 Prancero Fine enunciation ! So free from any 
 
 provincial accent fo void of any falfe tones ! 
 
 I fhall be happy, Dr. Pompofo, to fhew thefe 
 young gentlemen, who are fuch proficients in the 
 moft difficult of all the arts, every favour in my 
 power.- I care not whether they vote for me or 
 
 again/} me, Merit fhaJ] be rewarded. But, 
 
 gentlemen, at our next meeting, I hope you will 
 bring Thucydides and Demofthenes \virh you. At 
 Eton, my fon tells me, they can conftrue either of 
 them at fight. The oration of Pericles will be a fine 
 piece for you to pronounce. In the mean whije, to 
 come nearer home, permit me to give you fome in- 
 ftru&ions with refpeft to fpeaking in parliament j 
 that great theatre of modern elocution. Such of you 
 as are defigned for the pulpit I leave to Dr. Pam- 
 pofo, than whom no man is mafter of a more fono- 
 rous, nervous and peifoafive eloquence. But for 
 parliamentary haranguing I will yield to no man. 
 The firft thing you muft attend to is your drefs ; 
 no man was ever liftened to who was not well drefT- 
 ed ; and when your years require you to wear a wig, 
 you muft take care to have at leaft 300 rows of curls
 
 PRANCERIANA. 79 
 
 in it. The next thing, but I have not time to 
 
 difcufs this matter thoroughly. There are however 
 two or three fhort rules which you mull never for- 
 get ; begin always with telling your audience, 
 
 that the fubjedl of their confideration is the moft 
 important that ever was agitated in that affembly ; 
 (no matter what the queftion may be ; the erection 
 of a coal-yard ; widening Corke harbour, or any 
 thing elfe) Then be fure to repeat again, and again, 
 that you will make your pofitions as clear as the 
 Day-light. If any cbje&ion has been made by your 
 opponent?, which Hands plump in the way of thefs 
 Day-light Profojittons, if you have no anfvver ready, 
 which probably will be the cafe, you may lay, you 
 will come to that by-and by, and take care never 
 to come to it. Ay but fay you, this will never do 
 without a little argument ;---why, as for that you 
 may always contrive to fpeak pretty late in the de- 
 bate ;-- Glean up all the belt arguments that have 
 been ufed by thofe who have gone before you on the 
 fame fide of the quellion ;-- -clothe them in pretty 
 fmooth language; Be fure round all your periods 
 well j -If forely pufhed, call your adverfaries facti- 
 ous blockheads--- Artificers of attitudes fpouters of 
 periods dealers in feven-fyllabled phrafeology,--- 
 barbers boys,- bungling incendiaries,-- or any other 
 names that come into your head ;---and when no- 
 thing elfe will go down, ftop their mouths with 
 fome ftale precedent, or obfolete ad of parliament ; 
 (no matter whether there be fuch a one or not) if 
 you are challenged to point out the place, take up 
 
 the
 
 So PRANCERIANA. 
 
 the ftatute book, and affecl great furprifc at not 
 being able to find it, allhough perhaps you ranfack- 
 ed the book in vain for it, the whole day before 
 Prcbatum eft. But I fear I am tirefome. Pray, 
 Sir Claffick, will you be fo good as to open Waller 
 or Prior ; the Dodlor, I dare fay, has them ; 
 you are fond, I am told of the lighter poetry or 
 perhaps you will favour us with fome collegiate 
 
 produ&ion. 1 hope foon to inftitute premiums 
 
 for the Improvement of Compojttion . And though I 
 can't help lamenting, that by the moft unwarrant- 
 able and premature practices, a flame has been 
 kindled within thefe walls, which by the greateft 
 moderation and propriety of conduft, I have endea- 
 voured to allay, yet at the fame time it gives me in- 
 finite fatisfaftion to obferve that the late contefts 
 have drawn forth bafhful merit from its retreat. 
 The poem which was publiflied in the name of my 
 fon's nurfe, is indeed a mafter-piece, and would 
 have done honour to Pope. 
 
 Sir Claffick. With your permiffion then, Sir, I 
 will read you a little Jeu d'efprit, which has juft 
 appeared. (Reads,) 
 
 On the GENTLEMEN of the UNIVERSITY 
 being permitted to dance during THE SATUR- 
 NALIA. 
 
 Hark, what glad found, the darkling cloifter chears! 
 
 A dance, a dance the felhl band appears : 
 
 A dance,
 
 PRANCERIANA. 81 
 
 A dance, a dance, the vaulted halls refound ; 
 A dance, a dance, the Frejbme* fhout around. 
 A fidler hark! he ftrikes the trembling firing, 
 According foot-fteps through the cloifters ring; 
 Now mall the gouty man his crutch forego, 
 And leap exulting like the powder'd beau : 
 Each college duty mall be done in dance, 
 And hopeful ftudents fhall not walk butpranfe. 
 
 Prancero. What a bitter dog ! he has difcharged 
 one of the enemy's pieces full in my bofom ; buc 
 I muft admire it. \_AJide. 
 
 He-he, very pleafant indeed ; he-he, the true At- 
 tick Salt ! 
 
 Pomp&fo, (waking.) Blefs me ! where, am I ? 
 What can be the matter ? The little gentleman is 
 quite pale ; he looks at once dtftreffed and lively, 
 and will, I am fure, be glad to get away. [AJide.] 
 Excellent Sir, I admire how, in the multiplicity of 
 your avocations, you have been able not only to fa- 
 thom the profundities of ancient literature, but to 
 acquire, at the fame time, a talte for the more ex- 
 quifite graces of lighter compofuions. But, indeed, 
 this is too much after all the labours of the day- 
 the board the bar the council (to fay nothing 
 of your private lucubrations) you mull be enor- 
 moufly fatigued ; if you pleafc, therefore, we will, 
 break off for the prelent; and I hope thefe gentle- 
 men who have made fo aufpiciow a beginning, will, 
 ioon favour me with their company again. 
 
 E 5 Prantero*
 
 82 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 Prancero. Well, fmce you will have it fo, we'll 
 have done for the prefent, though I am charmed 
 with this morning's entertainment; but 1 hope to 
 have many fuch and (hall always be happy to Ihew 
 every fcholar, of whatever party, and let him vote 
 honu be may, every countenance in my power, and 
 to inftrudl them, to the beft of my poor abilities, in 
 the great arts of pronunciation, enunciation, and 
 elocution. 
 
 [Exeunt o mites.} 
 
 y&8$#^^ 
 
 No. 1 8. Wtdnefday, January 11, 1775. 
 Dixit adbttc aliquid ? nil fane. Ho R . 
 
 TO THE PUBLIC K. 
 
 HOWEVER improper it may appear in the 
 head of fo learned a Seminary, and fo re- 
 fpectable a Society as this, over which I have the 
 honour to prefide, to engage in a news-paper con- 
 tention, and to enter into a publick difcuffion, and 
 into a publick defence of that conduft, and thofe 
 meafures, which have been malignly attacked by 
 anonymous adverfaries ; yet, infpired by my zeal 
 for the welfare of the Univerfity (in which the wel- 
 fare of the kingdom is materially involved), and with
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 8j 
 
 a view of removing the mifts of prejudice and error, 
 induftrioufly fpread before the intellectual eyes of 
 inexperienced young men, in order to miflead their 
 judgment, and to caufe them to deviate from the fe- 
 cure paths of falutary difcipline, into the dangerous 
 walk of unjuftifiable faction, I again appeal to the 
 candour, fenfe and experience of my countrymen ; 
 and, permit me to add, I entertain themoft fanguine 
 hopes that this publick addrefs will entirely extin- 
 guifh thofe ferments which my firft happily allayed. 
 
 J am confident that I will prove to demonftration,. 
 and make it as clear as the day-light, that the mea- 
 fures which I have purfued, fince my appointment, 
 have been dictated by wifdom, and are founded in 
 virtue j I will remove every fhadow of doubt from, 
 the minds of gentlemen who perufe my letters. But, 
 firft, let me obferve, that the fubjeft now laid before 
 the publick is of the greateft importance ; and, Jet 
 me entreat my countrymen ferioufly to turn it in 
 their thoughts, to afford it that dignified attention,, 
 that unprejudiced examination which its magnitude 
 merits ; a conduft eminently coincident with their 
 national character, fince it is univerfally acknowledg- 
 ed, that their patience, their fairnefs, their delibe- 
 rative dignity, when matters of public import are 
 referred to their confederation, can only be equalled 
 by the jafttce and impartiality 0} their decisions, 
 The prelent fubjeft is, perhaps, the moft material 
 that ever engaged the public attention. The Pro- 
 voft of your Univerfity is now the objeft of derifion,
 
 84 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 is now pointed ac by the finger of fcorn, though the 
 refpe liability of his character be absolutely efl'ential 
 to the well being of the great fociety which he go- 
 verns. The Provoft of your Univerfity thus pub- 
 lickly acknowledges, that he folely relies on the 
 fuccefs of this appeal, on the ftrength of his defence, 
 on the jufticeof his countrymen, for the recovery of 
 his dignity : He, therefore, again repeats, this fub- 
 jecl is of importance ; he, therefore, again conjures 
 the publick to give it their ferious attention. 
 
 The adopting and executing a well- concerted fy- 
 ftem of education for youth, the inftilling in their 
 tender minds (now fufceptible of thofe impreflons 
 which are to ftamp their future character) the true 
 principles of found morality, folid learning, and le- 
 gal liberty, have been ever and juftly efteemed moil 
 highly interciling to the welfare of every well-regu- 
 lated ftate ; for, by -foch a prudent and effective dif- 
 cipline the members of thofe ftates will become va- 
 luable and virtuous citizens. The incomparable 
 Thucydides (an hiftorian unrivalled in thejuflnefs 
 and wifdom of his reflections, and in the depth of 
 his political knowledge) obferves, that the Spartan 
 legiflator favoured by the Delphic Oracle, from 
 whofe aw-ful fhrine he received the glorious epithet 
 of Godlike, derived this immortal compliment for his 
 illuilrious fyftem of educator^ regulations. Thus hi- 
 ftorical experience, and our own private reflections, 
 unite in imprinting on our minds this important 
 truth, that no ftate, no fociety can pofCbly flourifh 
 
 whilft
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 85 
 
 whilft inattentive to the momentous concern, of 
 cftablifhing a prudent plan of wholefome difcipline, 
 by which the members of tbofe communities are 
 trained to an habitual reverence for, and conformity 
 to the iaws, virtue, and morality. Thefe general 
 principle?, thus eftablifhed, can without the pofli- 
 bility of cavil be applied to this country. 
 
 But before I make any pertinent reflections on 
 this great fubjecl, which I have thus endeavoured to 
 bring home to the hearts and underftandings of my 
 countrymen, give me leave to advance this incon- 
 trovertible maxim, that no fyftem of education, 
 however ably or wifely planned, can poffibly be ef- 
 feftive, unlefs the moft uniform refpeft be paid to 
 the man, to whofe knowledge, prudence and difcre- 
 tion, the execution of that fyftem is committed. 
 Though the evidence of this proportion muft extort 
 univerfal aflent, yet too true it is that artful and de- 
 figning men have thrown the moft illiberal imputa- 
 tions on my knowledge and abilities; imputations 
 moft fatal in their confequences, in as much, as they 
 have induced bothfeUows and ladi to withdraw every 
 mark of decent politenefs to me. Thefre/bmen laugh 
 at me ; the fellonus brow-beat me j my public fpeak- 
 ing is ridiculed ; my public compofitions are criti- 
 cifed. Let me calmly aflc, is it fitting, that the 
 Provoft of a college fhould be caufelefsly ma<ie the 
 butt of ridicule, the objeft of contempt } I cannot 
 become the trumpeter of my own praife, I detelt 
 egotifm; I do., however, appeal to the juftice of my 
 
 countrymen
 
 V * 
 86 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 countrymen (and confident I am, that this appeal 
 cannot be attributed to vanity, the foible of weak 
 and unmanly minds) I appeal to their veracity, 
 whether many of them cannot, from their own ex- 
 perience give the lie to thofe ungenerous calumnia- 
 tors. I conjure my countrymen in the voice of 
 truth, of reafon and humanity, to controvert and 
 oppofe thofe dangerous falfhoods: If, my friends, 
 you regard your country, fuffer not thofe fatal preju- 
 dices againft, and this contemptible opinion of me, 
 to take inveterate root, and to grow up in the minds 
 of credulous boys. If any of you have influence 
 within thefe walls, exert it without delay ; aflume 
 the friendly office of mediators; reprefent me as a 
 man, who would wifh to treat the lads with the 
 tendernefs of parental afteftion, the fellows with 
 the confidence of equal friend/hip j difpel if poifi- 
 ble, the cloud of contempt which prevents my ri- 
 fing ; you will thus facilitate the execution of my 
 new regulations which will render this univerfity the 
 envy and the boaft of Europe. This naturally leads 
 me to a material obfervation ; at the fame time 
 give me leave to aflert, that I fcorn, (if I may be in- 
 dulged in the allufion) to pluck the laurel from the 
 tomb of my predecefibr, in order to form a wreath 
 for my own brows ; however my regard to truth 
 compels me thus publickly to declaie, though a re- 
 gard for his memory would itfduce me to fupprefs, 
 hi* fcandalous inattention to the great duties of his 
 office; and I give it as my opinion, that had he lived 
 four years longer, fcience and learning muft have 
 
 died.
 
 PRANCERIANA. 87 
 
 died, and the banifhed mufes mourned for ever. 
 I hope my countrymen will excufe this digreffion ; 
 I hope they will fee as clearly as 1 do, the neceffity 
 and importance of it. I will now enter into the juf- 
 tification of my conduct ; but before I go fully into 
 the fubjeft, 1 could with to lay before the public 
 the real motives which influenced me to accept the 
 provoftfliip. I do folemnly aver, that I will not 
 falfify, but that J will ftrictly adhere to the truth. 
 What I have to fay on this head muft be deferred 
 until my next publication : as the public well know 
 to whom they are to attribute my fictitious name, 
 I fhall ftill fubfcribe myfelf 
 
 MODERATOR. 
 
 )&Qg&JKIG&^^ 
 
 No 19. Friday, January 13, 1775. 
 
 Atque utinam aut ver us Juror ille aut creditus ejfet. 
 
 OVID. 
 
 To THE P T. 
 
 YOUR fecond addrefs to the public has come to 
 my Perufal, and merits fome degree of no- 
 tice. It deferves coafideration, not on account of 
 
 its
 
 f 88 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 its ftile, for it is inelegant ; nor on account of its 
 matter, for it is frivolous ; but it deferves confide- 
 ration becaufe it exhibits a lively proof of the itnpo- 
 potence of ingenuity, when employed on the fide 
 of falfhoodj inoppofition to truth. Your warmeft 
 partizans allow, that language is your Forte. Not 
 hardy enough to contend for the folidity of your 
 judgment, they reft your merit on the elegance of 
 your declamation, fatisfied in giving up the ftrong 
 powers of your mind in return for the admiflion of 
 polite eloquence ; and indeed they are right. 
 Your mod vigorous efforts could never claim any 
 pretenfion to the one, and your laft eflay demon- 
 ftrates you are but periodical in the other. I mail 
 not'obferve minutely on your addrefs, for to be 
 minute when the whole is but a tiffue of littlenefs, 
 would be to make the comment as contemptible as 
 the text. The pompous commencement of your 
 letter led the publick to expeft mighty things. A 
 performance prefaced with all the big fplendour of 
 importance, induced people to look for fumething 
 beyond the mere play of words ; for fomething 
 which, though it mould not raife admiration, might 
 prevent difappointment. They hoped, through the 
 ihallow clearnefs of the ftream, to difcover fome- 
 thing like common fenfe at the bottom ; but how 
 were thofe expectations difgraced, when they read 
 a laboured attempt at vindication, that did not vin- 
 dicate ; when they beheld a Provofl of a learned 
 feminarj, pedantick without learning, and verbofe 
 without ftile ! As to your giving the title of " in- 
 comparable"
 
 PRANCERIANA. 89 
 
 comparable" to Tbucydides in the midft of a long 
 paflage, evidently calculated to eftablifh a compa- 
 rifon between that judicious writer and yourfelf, I 
 fhall not dwell on it. I will not cavil on trifling in- 
 confiftencies. Indeed there 'is no neceflity where 
 the Provojl is in queftion. I admit that 
 " no fyftem of education, however ably or wifely 
 planned, can be effective unlefs refpeft be paid to 
 the man to whofe execution the fyftem is commit- 
 ted ;" but before refpeft is paid, it muft be deferr- 
 ed; and how refpeft can be deferved by the merce- 
 nary drudge of a long feries of corrupt adminiftra- 
 tions, the ingenuity of a Hutcbinfon, only can 
 explain. And how with fuch preteniion it can be 
 expected, the bluming modefty of the fame gentle- 
 men only can determine. You complain that 
 " illiberal imputations have been thrown on your 
 knowledge and abilities ; that therefore \hefellotvs 
 and lads are not decently polite to you." And do 
 you ferioufly think that illiberal imputations can be 
 fatal to real knowledge, and real abilities ? that they 
 can be fatal to imputed knowledge and imputed abi- 
 lities, the treatment you repine at clearly illuftrates. 
 I admire your exclaiming againft Egotifm after you 
 have juft declared that your meafures are dictated by 
 vvifjom, and founded on virtue. To exprefs de- 
 teftation for a thing almoft in the very aft of doing 
 it, is a figure of fingular boldnefs ; it has to re- 
 commend it what your integrity will have, when- 
 ever you chufe to pleafe the public with the glofs 
 of Novelty. I am, with you, of opinion, that 
 
 " vanity
 
 9 o PRANCERIANA 
 
 " vanity is the foible of unmanly minds ;" oi 
 courfe it cannot poflibly be a foible annexed to 
 your conftitution, that has given through life fo 
 many mining proofs of a manly fpirit. Your cal- 
 ling out to all perfons who have any influence 
 within the college walls, " to exert it without 
 delay ;" prefents a remarkable inftance of elevation 
 without dignity of ftation, without refpect. You 
 feem determined to fpare neither the quick nor the 
 dead. What had poor ANDREWS, to do with 
 your whining appeal to the public ? Living, he 
 held you in avowed contempt. As you did not 
 ihew the refentment of a man then, you ought 
 not to aft a blacker part than ZANGA noiv ; for 
 even he " warred not with the dead ;" but the 
 grave is not facred from the malignity of a coward, 
 Andrews, with many pofitive faults, had fome 
 pofitive virtues. He could be an aftive faithful 
 Friend ; he could be zealous without being venal. 
 The warm foil of his conftitution threw up fome 
 plants that were vigorous, and not unvvholfome. 
 The ipewy coldnefs of yours can nourilh nothing 
 but frigid poifons ; but I will neither infult the 
 memory of departed frailty, nor flatter the parti- 
 ality of worthlefs petulance, by comparing a dead 
 i, with a living Hutcbinfon. 
 
 ANTI- MODERATOR.
 
 PRANCERIANA. 91 
 
 No. 20. Monday, January 16, 1775. 
 
 Nugeeque canora. HOR. 
 
 TO THE PUBLIC K. 
 
 IT makes me extremely happy that the coinci- 
 dence of law and college vacation puts it into 
 my power to enter fully into my defence into the 
 merits of this important fubjeft. The man ar- 
 raigned at the awful bar of the publick is called on 
 to defend himfelf ; he mould not claim, from his 
 rank, or from his ftation, an exemption from this 
 duty. 
 
 But before I enter into the particulars of my de- 
 fence, permit me to expofe the reftlefihefs of the 
 malice of my enemies : they have ftiled (could 
 this be credited even in the legends of fcandal ? ) 
 my late publick aiidrefles <verbofe nonfenfe, zndfrotty 
 declamation. I fcorn to refute this idle calumny : 
 fuffice it to fay, that I laboured 'in their compofition. 
 In Ihorr, (if I may be indulged in the allufion) the 
 foul magician, Ettvj, has raifed up, and blackened 
 my character, as a man, as a father, as a writer, 
 
 and
 
 92 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 and as a fpeaker j the knight- errants of the quill 
 have eagerly purfued this phantom. I may, how- 
 ever, without vanity, affert, that after they had 
 hunted it through every field of quibble, and 
 every circle of chicane, they found it invulnerable. 
 
 I muft now, to fulfil my promife, mention the 
 motives which induced me to accept the provoftfhip. 
 I refpecl truth, and therefore will not fwerve from 
 it in this moft folemn declaration that neither 
 avarice nor ambition influenced my conducl that 
 I was actuated by an irrefiftible paffion for an eafy, 
 honourable literary retirement that I was impel- 
 led, from a fincere regard for the interefts of this 
 great feminary, in which I received the rudiments 
 of my education, to ftep forth to cherifli, fofter, 
 
 and improve it : yet what is my requital ? 1 
 
 have been called a mean intruder , every oppro- 
 brious epithet that rancour could fuggeft has been 
 unfparingly accumulated on me. Muft not this 
 (hort, unadorned recital draw tears from the eyes, 
 and excite pity for my fufferings in the relenting 
 breads of my generous countrymen r I fhall leave 
 this digreffion, (which I prefume was not imperti- 
 nent) and enter into my defence. 
 
 Give me leave, in the firft place, to affert, that 
 the college ought to be the provoil's borough ; .and 
 though this be a conceffion which I might reafon- 
 ably demand from my adverfaries, yet I will de- 
 monftrate this truth-.-I will remove even the poffir 
 
 bilicy
 
 PRANCERIANA, 93 
 
 "bility of cavil*--! will eftablifh it on fuch a foun- 
 dation, that the pickaxe of fophiftry, the darts of 
 humour, (hall be unable to fliake it. I muft en- 
 treat my countrymen to turn their attention from 
 the theory of, to the practice in our excellent con- 
 flitution ; and I now reft my caufe on this fingle 
 point. If one folitary inftance can be produced in 
 this or in the lifter kingdom, wherein a returning 
 officer, lawfully vefted with the abfolute and unli- 
 mited nomination of the electors, did not claim and 
 exert the right of appointing the repfefentatives, I 
 give up my argument, and refign all preteniions 
 to legal or conftitutional knowledge. It is indif- 
 putable that our ftatutes have given me a pofitive 
 power of appointing every and each eleftor ; and 
 therefore, by that grant, lam, in reafon, injuftice, 
 and in right, intrufted with the fole and exclufive 
 privilege of choofing the reprefentatives of the uni- 
 verfity. Though this reafoning be conclufive, and 
 carries with it (in my mind) decifive weight ; yet, 
 to put the matter paft doubt, I will mention the 
 invariable election rules of the univerfities in the 
 iifter kingdom. The heads (I am not certain whe- 
 ther they are called provofts) name the candidates 
 to the electors, who conftantly acquiefce in the 
 judgment of their governors, and never interfere 
 except in the mere ac~l of giving their votes. This, 
 my countrymen, is an appeal to your experience 
 and common ienfe i---let rny adverfaries meet me 
 on this ground. 
 
 Permit
 
 94 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 Permit me now to give the publick my mofl fo- 
 lemn affurance, that, from the ftrongeft conviilion 
 and moft mature confideration, I entertain this opi- 
 nion--an opinion not lightly taken up, but founded 
 on precedent and reafon that I am bound, in con- 
 fcience and in duty, that it is my duty, as provoft, 
 as a fervant of the crown, as a lover of my conn- 
 cry, to exert thofe legal powers with which the 
 conftitution of the kingdom, and the ftatutes of 
 this fociety have armed me, in effecting the return 
 at the approaching election, of two men who ob- 
 tain (and therefore merit) my approbation. I will 
 thus preferve inviolate the great prerogative of my 
 office---! will thus confult the dignity of the crown 
 and of parliament, the welfare of this fociety, and 
 happineis of the kingdom. Why, then, fhould I 
 be afhamed to avow, that my conduft and my 
 meafures, fince my appointment tended to this 
 fingle objeid& rendering this refpeclable corpo- 
 ration the provoft's borough ? Let my bafe tra- 
 clucers blum, whofe flanderous and venomous 
 writings have made me tre object of contempt and 
 deteftation who have mifreprefented that conduft 
 which fhould endear me to my fellow citizens, and 
 procure me the veneration of my country. Ex- 
 cufe this warmth the treatment I have met with 
 extorted from me thefe opprobrious epithets the 
 dignity of my character, and the moderation of my 
 temper, mall reflrain any further expreflion of re- 
 fentment let their own feelings be their punifh- 
 ment. 
 
 Having
 
 PRANCERIANA. 9$ 
 
 Having undeniably demonftrated that my ac- 
 tions have been founded on virtue, be it my part 
 now to prove that they have been dire&ed by wii- 
 dom, and were the refult of prudence. 1 always 
 imagined that the poor merit of confummate addrefs 
 was, by general con fen t, afcribed to me : yet even 
 this part of my character has been attacked. 
 
 It would take up too much to enter into particu- 
 lars at prefent : let me, however, conjure your at- 
 tention for a few minutes to one linking fact. 
 
 It is well known that I have been ridiculed by 
 the fcribblers of the day, for calling nine boards, on 
 an anonymous publication under the fignature of 
 Verax*. \ affert that this was a mafter-ftroke in 
 eledtion- addrefs. It was furely material to impress 
 the members of the board with the highcft refpeft 
 for my abilities; for every man of common fenfe 
 muftiee that I would thus effectually prevent their 
 intended oppofition to my collegiate regulations, 
 as provoft to my parliamentary views, as return- 
 ing officer. How could this be etfe&ed ? I knew 
 that thofe gentlemen did not attend the Four-Courts 
 or houie of commons ; "I therefore eagerly em- 
 braced this opportunity of difplaying my critical 
 and oratorical abilities;---! pointed out the inaccu- 
 curacies in che ilile of that compofition ; -I proved 
 the advantages of the liberty of the prefs ; I de- 
 monftrated 
 
 See No. 4. -
 
 96 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 monftrated the danger from its degeneracy into li- 
 centioufnefs; -I ftated and obviated Lord Chefter- 
 field's objections to a moderate reltraint of it ;-- -I 
 introduced my panegyrick on George Faulkner; I 
 enforced my realbning ; I delivered my poor fen- 
 timents with all the energy and pathos which this 
 great fubjeft mould naturally call forth j and was 
 proceeding, at my ninth board, to lay before them 
 a flcetch of an excellent bill (which I have in con- 
 templation) for preventing the abufe of this iiefti- 
 mable privilege the boaft of our enviable conftitu- 
 tion when I perceived (I glow with indignation 
 while I relate it) that doftors Kearney, Wilfon, and 
 Murray, had fallen afleep. 
 
 Before I deduce my conclusion from the proceed- 
 ing in general, give me leave to make one fhort ob- 
 fervatibn on the gothic behaviour of thefe inelegant 
 Book-worms ; the epithet may be thought too fe- 
 vere ; I will not, however, retraft it, becaufe they 
 merit it. If I may be indulged in this pleafantry, 
 they refembled the afles in the Italian fable on whom 
 Morpheus fheds his poppies, whilft the nightingale 
 fings. But, to return to the lubjcft, my particular 
 obfervation is this : Is not the wifdom and pene- 
 tration of our excellent chief governor ; is not the 
 parental affedVion to his people of the befl of princes 
 now clearly evidenced in their appointing me pro- 
 voft ? I may, without the imputation of felr-con- 
 ceit, aflert that no man in the kingdom is better 
 qualified for wiping away the full neceffarily con- 
 
 tradlcd
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A; 97 
 
 trafted in fcientifick ells. My general conclufion is 
 this : Could human wifdom (let me appeal to gen- 
 tlemen's candour) fuggeft any fcheme more likely to 
 effedl the end I had in view, than the conduit which 
 
 I purfued at thofe boards ? It is not in a man's 
 
 power to command fuccefs. I (hall now conclude 
 with obferving, that my calumniators have (to ufe 
 an allufion) violated the laws of their country; 
 
 they have' put my conduct to the rack ; be it my 
 
 office to reunite its mangled limbs; to-reftore not 
 only its firmnefe, but its beauty. 
 
 MODERATOR. 
 
 P. S. The p t having, now, compleatly juf- 
 
 tified himfelf as to College-matters ; will, in his 
 next paper, addrefs himfelf, particularly, to his re- 
 (neftable conftituents. 
 
 No. 21,
 
 9 8 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 No. 21. Wednefday, January 1 8, 1774. 
 
 $V/ qiioqiie noftra domui vel cenfu parva vel ortu, 
 fagenio certe nsa latet ilia meo, OVID. 
 
 TO THE RESPECTABLE ELECTORS OF THE 
 CITY OF CORKE. 
 
 IF the man who has facrificed every private con- 
 iideration who has devoted his life to the fer- 
 vice of his king and country who has worn out his 
 conflitution, who has injured his fortune, by his un- 
 wearied attention to the interefts of the publick 
 may, with propriety, claim from any fet of men li- 
 ving a patient and unprejudiced hearing, whilft he 
 refutes thofe calumnies from which his publick merit 
 and his private virtues could not fhield him, he 
 furely might demand this fmall favour as his right, 
 xvhen he addrefles himfelf to men who have long 
 known and proved his worth whofe city, not long 
 fince a mere neft of fmugglers, his poor efforts, zea- 
 loufly exerted, have raifed to an enviable height to 
 men, who, with an honourable liberality of mind, 
 muft confefs that they have now become, chiefly 
 through his means, fair, refpeftable, and opulent 
 traders. Your faithful representative, with a confi- 
 dence
 
 PRANCERIANA. 99 
 
 dence which confcious integrity could alone infpire, 
 
 appeals to you, his conftituents to you fubmits 
 
 the canvafs of his conduct. Happy am I, in feel- 
 ing that I muft have, on this great occafion, a pow- 
 erful advocate in your breafts your gratitude. Is 
 there an individual in your city who muft not con- 
 fefs, that from me, in a great meafure, he derives 
 his comforts and his wealth i Such fervices, I well 
 know, might probably have out-tongued the cla- 
 mours which prevail againft me ; and I might, 
 without any imputation, have declined this fpecies 
 of juftification, which fome may think derogatory 
 to my dignity. I can, however, claim, in this part 
 of my condudt, the merit (merit by no means in- 
 confiderable) that I have uniformly mewed the moft 
 refpelful attention to you, my friends and fellow- 
 citizens. 
 
 Permit me to remind you of what I have done, 
 and what I have fuffered for you. When his Ma- 
 jelty was pleafed to confer on me the important 
 truft of the provoftfhip, I feized the earlieft oppor- 
 tunity of communicating to you (and let me fay 
 this was a mark of refpefl which any other man in 
 my fituation would have omitted) the interefting in- 
 telligence of this honourable promotion. I wifhed 
 too that your happinefs on this occafion fhould not 
 be in the leaft allayed ; and therefore refolved that 
 the tidings of this great event fliould be firft an- 
 nounced to you by my pen. In a fentimental inter- 
 courfe between delicate and warm friends, no medi- 
 F 2 ator
 
 too PRANCERIANA. 
 
 acor fliould be admitted ; the delightful ftream of 
 a mutual communication of thoughts fhould flow 
 direct. For the fole purpofe, therefore, of prevent- 
 ing a premature conveyance to you of the news of 
 my appointment, I brifltly puflied about (if I may 
 be indulged in the pleafant allufion) an honourable 
 falfhood, and made my friend Darner, my Croupier : 
 I made this obliging little man aflert, in every quar- 
 ter of the city, upon his honour, that I would not 
 be lo ungenerous as to folicit that government 
 would not be fo wicked as to grant me, this of- 
 fice. By this innocent contrivance I added confide- 
 rably to the rapturous fatisfac"lion of men, whofe 
 refined feelings lo well qualify them for enjoying 
 the delightful fealt of friendfhip. 
 
 But exquifite fenfibilicy has its mifery. I muft 
 \vound your fympathetick breads, when I tell you 
 that appointment has embittered every hour of my 
 Jife; when I unbofoin myfelf to you, in the confi- 
 dence of friendlhip, and confefs that the Provoft's 
 chair, in which I fondly hoped to repofc myfelf, 
 after the fatigues of a bufy, buillhig life, is a feat of 
 thorns. And for whofe fake have J fufFered the 
 miieries which my acceptance of the provollfhip 
 has drawn on me ? For the fake of you, and your 
 children; an unremitting attention to- your inte- 
 refts is the general fpring of my actions, and folely 
 influenced my conduct in this inflance. From the 
 day of my appointment I had refolved, in the dif- 
 charge of the great duties of my important office, to 
 
 /hew
 
 PRANCERIANA. 101. 
 
 mew fuch an exemplary attention to the learning and 
 morals of your fons, that every father in your city 
 muft be branded as ungrateful, muft be a bankrupt 
 in honour, who did not repay tbtfe favou.s by an. 
 abiblute furrender to me of the difpofal of their 
 votes. Befides, I confefs, I did once flatter myfelf 
 that the influence within tbofe walls neceffarily de- 
 rived to me from my ftation, mull have enabled me 
 to nominate the reprefentatives of the univerfity. 
 What advantages might I not then have realonably 
 expefted to have procured for your city ? - With ths 
 addition of two or three members to my following 
 in parliament, I fhould have effectuated fchemes 
 which would have rendered Corke the grand Empo- 
 rium of the Univerfe. 
 
 I- have not room in this, my fir ft addrefs to my 
 conllituents, to lay before them the important fer- 
 vices which I have performed for them. I (hall con- 
 fine myfelf to the lighter though material obligati- 
 ons which they have received from me. At thii 
 period, when reprefentatives prefume to contemn 
 the approbation, and flight the advice of their con- 
 itituents in matters which particularly relate to 
 them, what has been my conduct even on occafions 
 in which they were not at all interefted ? I was 
 baf.ly calumniated, as having acted unconditio- 
 nally in difpeiflng the meeting of the fcholars. Did 
 I by my lilence countenance and encourage fuch 
 attacks ? Did I fhew a contemptuous indifference 
 to the good opinion of you, and the reft of my coun- 
 trymen ? No ; the very next paper produced my 
 
 refutation.
 
 102 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 refutation under the fame fignature I new adopt ; * 
 and the ftiOng brightnefs of truth beaming forth 
 from that defence flalhed conviclion upon the minds 
 of gentlemen, who perufed it. Did 1 truft to the 
 ufual conveyance of news papers ? Did I not fend 
 my compofuion under cover to every refpeftable 
 conftituent ; every refpedlable gentleman in your 
 county ? Did I not confult your commendable 
 frugality, a virtue, the ban's of that hofpitality 
 which charafterifes your city ? And, did I not, 
 
 therefore, procure the Secretary's franks ? This, 
 
 my friends was a feries of refpedtful attention, which 
 I will be bold to fay, no other man in the kingdom, 
 circumftanced as I am, would have purfued. 
 
 When I was traduced in my collegiate character, 
 did I not difcover the fame praife- worth fenfibility, 
 the fame virtuous folicitude for your good eftima- 
 tion ? I fummoned a board, I conjured the fenior 
 fellows, as a fuppliant, for a certificate of my conduft ; 
 and, when tbofe gentlemen oppofed me, and aflert- 
 ed that I was foregoing my dignity, I conjured 
 them in the pathetick voice of pity to grant my re- 
 queft. They at length indulged me. Here let me 
 obferve, that the difficulties I had to encounter in 
 this bufinefs enhance my merit. Did I, my fellow 
 citizens, reft my caufe even on this juftification ? 
 No ; I wrote a pamphlet Jon my conduft, difperfed 
 it with my own hands in this, and fent it down to 
 
 * Sec No. 3. t s No. a6. 
 
 your
 
 PRANCERIANA. 103 
 
 your city And here let me point out the great pur- 
 pofes of that pamphlet : firft, it will aid me to re- 
 cover my loft refpeftability of charafter, which 
 fliould, I may fay, be an inherent quality in the 
 governor of this great fociety ; and, fecondly, it 
 will ierve as a model of compofition. You may ob. 
 ferve in perufing that pamphlet, that the gre ;t ob- 
 je6t of my new regulations is, to encourage tb<*t 
 important art I have often lamented and admired 
 that this great country, in which liberty, the 
 nurfe of genius, has fixed her feat, cannot boaft 
 of even one decent writer. When I anxioufly 
 turned this fubjecl in my thoughts, I imputed the 
 dearth of merit in this important branch of lite- 
 rature, to the want of an EngliQi ftandard i,n com- 
 pofing ; and for this reafon, becaufe I well knew 
 the natural indolence of my countrymen prevented 
 their recurring to the great fources of antiquity, 1 
 thought it therefore my duty to engage in a courfe 
 of laborious ftudy ; I read with intenfe attention, 
 and with difficulty conquered thofe matter writers 
 (if I may ufe the expreffion) Thucydides and Dc- 
 mofthenes peri Stephanou. I transfufed their pia- 
 jefty, their cone&nefs, and their beauty, into 
 the compofition I allude to. In my ftyle, I aimed 
 at accuracy without prolixity, dignity without 
 bombalt, fimplicity without meannefs, and chaftity 
 without (if I may be indulged in applying the idea 
 to compofition) prudery. I endeavoured to make 
 that poor piece, as all- bounteous nature has formed 
 your daughters, fair, yet unadorned j elegant, yet 
 
 unaffeded.
 
 io 4 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 unafFefted. Above all things I took care to be cor- 
 rect without the difagreeable fault of grammatical 
 ftiffnefs. - Thus, my friends, my labour and my 
 time have been expended for the fervice of your 
 children, for the fervice of the rifing generation. 
 
 It pains the man who poilefles a generous mind, 
 to recite conferred favours. I muft, however, point 
 out to the principal merchants an obligation which 
 they received from me. On my firft introduction to 
 them I perceived, during our feftive intercourfe, 
 that they were perfeftly illitetate. This misfortune 
 couid not be iir.puted to them ; it rauft be afcribed 
 to the contracted fjftem of a commercial education; 
 Anxious to contribute, as much as in me lay, to 
 to their perfection, J made intereftwith government 
 to be generally appointed for the Munfter circuit. 
 I thought that from the bench oi juRice, I could, 
 with the moil correft delicacy, inftruft them in 
 thofe common principles of legal knowledge and 
 civil policy which every gentleman fhou'd know. 
 Call to your minds my fpeeches to your grand jury. 
 Did I not lay before them the origin of civil 
 fociety ? did I not diftinguifh and explain the 
 
 different forms of government ? Did I noc 
 
 paint in glowing colours, with the pencil of a 
 inafter, the outlines of our excellent conftitu- 
 tion ? I wiil be bold to alfert that no other judge 
 in his majefty's dominions would, without reward, 
 exert his powers of oratory for the fpace of four 
 
 hours ;
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 105 
 
 hours; and for no other purpofe, but to inftrucY 
 the ignorant. 
 
 I fhall, with the greateft refpeft, take my leave 
 for the prefent, and conclude with making this 
 earned requeft, that you will preferve each particular 
 paper until the whole of this laborious, though ne- 
 ceffary tafk be compleated : then read with can- 
 dour, and with attention the fyftem of my jufti- 
 fication, and acknowledge I have raifed fuch a 
 fabrick offolid reafoning, and irrefragable defence, 
 that every future attack of. my enemies /hall prove 
 impotent. 
 
 MODERATOR.. 
 
 F 5, No. ^^ i
 
 ic6 PRANCE RIAN A. 
 
 <88H8H8?iH8H8HKH^ 
 No. 22. Friday, January 20, 1775. 
 
 Neve mibi noceat quod vobis femper, 
 Profult ingenium : meaque b&c facundia, fi qua eft, 
 >a<e mine pro domino pre vobis fatpe locuta eft, 
 J nvidia caret. OVID. 
 
 TO THE RESPECTABLE ELECTORS OF THE 
 CITY OF CORKE, 
 
 THIS is the important crifis of my life. - 
 Each hour prefents new difficulties new 
 diftrefles. If fuch be my fituation, I mould pay an 
 ill compliment to my generous conftituents, in apo- 
 logizing for this defultory (now the only pofiible) 
 mode of j unification. Perplexed, embarafled, un- 
 counfelled, unfriended, I muft make this laft appeal 
 to the humanity of my countrymen ; I muft con- 
 jure their ferious attention for the great purpofe of 
 candid difquifition. But before I enter into the 
 grand queftion, permit me to defend my conduct 
 on a latej memorable occafion J. The practice of 
 fighting duels I have ever abhorr'd, and heretofore 
 ever avoided. I appeal to Mr. Devonfhire for the 
 truth of this laft aflertion. I appeal to my coun- 
 trymen, whether my condudt in an affair of honour 
 
 with 
 
 J A few days before the publication of this paper, the pro- 
 *oft fought Mr. Doyle.
 
 PRANCERIANA. .107 
 
 with a deceafed popular patriot did not evince the 
 peaceablenefs of my difpofition. The moft refpec- 
 table members in the houfe of commons can teftify, 
 that I always mewed, by my conducl in that aflem- 
 bly, a firm difmclination to the inhuman Gothick 
 appeal. From the cleareft principles of reafon, I 
 have formed thia opinion, that an experienced fe- 
 nator, a faithful and able counfellor to hismajefty, a 
 virtuous reprefentative, materially injures his coun- 
 try, his king, and his conftituents, if he expofes his 
 life in a foolifti, unimportant difpute. There occur, 
 hoxvever, in this earthly pilgrimage, fome fevere 
 trials, wherein a man muft defert his principles and 
 do violence to his nature. In this light my coun- 
 trymen will confider my late affair of honour, when 
 1 prove to demonftration, and force the moft unrea- 
 fonable man alive to confefs, that I could not have 
 declined that dreadful meeting, without fubmilting 
 to the brand of a liar or a coward. Permit me to 
 recite the fads truly as they were. I unguardedly 
 denounced vengeance againft Mr. Doyle i threat- 
 ened to chaftife him. You will credit this folemn 
 affeveration, that I never intended to have executed 
 thefe threats that I never dreamed that thofe lew 
 idle words could have reached his ears : yet he did 
 hear my declarations, and demanded fatisfadion. 
 Let me appeal to gentlemen's candour, could t 
 
 have denied my afiertions ?- Could I have con- 
 
 fefTed myfelf a coward and a bully ? In this 
 
 choice of difficulties, I was forced to adopt the refo- 
 lution of accepting this gentleman's invitation to the 
 
 (field
 
 ice P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 field of honour. Can any man come forth, and 
 point out how I c^uld have avoided this meafure ? 
 If no man can, I muft furly ftand acquitted in the 
 opinion of the great (ociety which I govern, in the 
 opinion of the great city which I reprefent. There 
 is one important advantage which I mall probably 
 derive from this traniaftion : gentlemen will now 
 fee that men of honour and of fpirit will infift on 
 atonement for abufive language ; and fince I can 
 rightfully claim no inconfiderable rank in that ref- 
 peftable clafs, I might reafonably expect that the 
 coward, foul-mouthed flander will henceforth clofe 
 his lips. I warn, gentlemen (and furely the admo- 
 nition muft be acknowledged feafonable fince party- 
 rage daily {Sacrifices the rnoft dignified characters at 
 the altar of cenfure) that I will infult no man, and 
 muft not be infulted ; that I will menace no man, 
 and muft not be menaced ; that I will nickname no 
 man, and muft not be nicknamed. The criterion 
 of a man of true honour is not to give nor to bear 
 an affront. My expreffing fuch fentiments might 
 perhaps make fome gentlemen in your city ; (I 
 allude to no man in particular) really quake, f 
 
 I (hall now leave this necefiary digreflion, and 
 introduce the great fubjefl of myaddpefs. But be- 
 fore I enumerate the important advantages which 
 you Have derived from me the important fervices 
 which I had in contemplation to have performed for 
 
 you, 
 
 f- Mr. Strettle, of Corke> is a Quaker.
 
 PRANCERIANA. 109 
 
 you, give me leave to mention one ftriking inftance 
 of the moft refpeftful and difinterefted attention to 
 your city and its citizens. I have fele&ed Dr. For- 
 fayethas my favourite, my eleclion-agent, and my 
 
 advifer. This ruinous compliment has involved 
 
 me in inextricable difficulties You all know the 
 
 roughnefs of manners your townfman poffefles, the 
 violence of his temper, his perfeft ignorance of the 
 world and of the human heart. Anxious to ob- 
 lige you, yet dreading the effefts of his intemperate 
 zeal, I was reduced to the moft diftradting alterna- 
 tive. In this perplexed and pitiable ftate of mind 
 the only expedient that occurred was, to recommend 
 to him a cautious and attentive perufal of lord 
 Chefterfield's letters. One difficulty ftarted up a 
 fufpicion I entertained of the foundnefsof the doc- 
 tor's principles. I obferved in him a perfeverance 
 in throwing illiberal imputations on the morals and 
 knowledge of every tutor in the college, one ex- 
 cepted ; as if the ruin of every other man's character 
 was the only foundation on which he could ereft the 
 reputation of his friend. Dreading, therefore, the 
 confequence of putting fuch an author into his 
 hands, I thought it my duty to take him to my 
 ftudy ; I there conjured him to arm himfelf with 
 the fliield of religion and morality againft the dan- 
 gerous attacks of the ingenious, noble libertine. 
 But, alas ! my admonition did not fucceed. This 
 fatal book has ruined his morals without poliftnng 
 his manners. I have, however, procured him no in- 
 
 confiderable
 
 lie PRANCERIANA. 
 
 confiderable preferment, f and foleninly promife that 
 I will exert all roy intereft to place a mitre on his 
 head. 
 
 Thus far it appears, that I have on all occafions 
 ihewed the moft pun&ilious refpedl to you ; my im- 
 portant iervices muft now be enumerated. I con- 
 ceive that the great duty of a member of parlia- 
 ment is, to unite the intereftsof the place he repre- 
 fents, and of the country in general. Has not this 
 been my conduct ? When our treafury was rich, 
 when our refources were great, when there was an 
 unapplied redundancy in the public coffers, did I 
 not then procure for your city confiderable parlia- 
 mentary bounties ? But, when his gracious majefty 
 was pleafed to defire that the money, which was 
 formerly expended in the improvement of this coun- 
 try, ihould, in future, be devoted to the rewarding 
 of his faithful fervants in the houfe of commons, 
 did I from that period foiicit the fmalleft grant for 
 your city ? No ; my moft implacable enemies dare 
 not affert it. J wilh for the profperity of your city ; 
 bar, to promote it, I never will injure the kingdom. 
 If the real wants of government, if the high official 
 ftation I hold among the fervants of the crown, ob- 
 liged me to affift in increafing the penfion and the 
 place eftablifhment, the more obvious was the ne- 
 cefli y of my defifting from applications in behalf 
 of your city ; fines the .confequence of their fuccefs 
 muft have been the impofmg of new taxes, or de- 
 priving 
 
 f The living of Kilcock.
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. iu 
 
 priving the fteady and warm fupporters of admini- 
 ftration of their well-earned itipends. How much, 
 then, muft this pkafing reflection increafe your hap- 
 pinefs ; that your city has been improved with 
 money, for which there was no other claimant ; 
 that you (if I may be indulged in the allufion) 
 jlourijb, without having contributed to blaft your 
 neighbours. This too, muft confiderably add to 
 your fatisfaclion, that many of my zealous friends 
 (particularly that refpeftable citizen, Mr. Izod, to 
 whom I am fo nearly allied) have been rewarded by 
 me with genteel and lucrative appointments in the 
 expenditure of thefe publick grants. 
 
 This part of my fubjecT: naturally leads me to 
 point out to you an inftance of the moft delicate re- 
 fpeft that, perhaps, ever was obferved by a reprc- 
 fentative to his conftituents. When my imprudent 
 colleague contributed 500!. to the compleating your 
 favourite walk, what was my condudt ? I appeal 
 even to my enemies, whether they can produce 
 one inftance of my ever having affronted the moft 
 opulent traders in his majefty's, or any other poten- 
 tate's dominions, by offering my paltry private con- 
 tributions to affift the effectuating of their great 
 
 publick works? No; I never will wound the 
 
 honourable pride of a liberal merchant. 
 
 Has my attention te your interefts been folely 
 confined to the prefent hour? No ; I have en- 
 larged the great and ufeful frhemes I had conceiv- 
 ed,
 
 ii2 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 ed, and extended my views to future ages. Con- 
 fcious that I could eafily have rendered my affection 
 for your city hereditary, and that my fons, and fon's 
 fons would difplay the fame ability and zeal in pro- 
 tecting your rights and in improving your trade, 
 which you ever experienced in me, I had refolved 
 to make your city a family-borough. For this pur- 
 pofe; I made feveral of my ftaunchell friends free 
 of your corporation, and attempted to confer, this 
 diftinguifhed honour on a number of my tenants. 
 But, you nourifli vipers in your bofoms ; you have 
 friends in your city that were bafe enough to oppofe 
 (from felfilh motives) and defeat the man who con- 
 fults your intereft and your honour. 
 
 Such have been my actual fervices j fuch my 
 intentions in your favour. Permit me now to ad- 
 drefs you, not in the rough language of an infolent 
 blufterer, but in the gentle murmuringsof a flight- 
 ed lover to his miftrefs.- Was it not unkind to 
 refufe me the common compliment of a civil ad- 
 drefs ? I will venture to affirm (if I may be indulg- 
 ed in purfuing the metaphor) that 1 have no rival in 
 your good graces who can boaft of fuch conftancy 
 or warmth of affection. The good offices I have 
 done you might, furely, have claimed fo fmall a 
 requital. Let me, however, aflure you that no in- 
 juries, no infults fliall abate my defire to ferve you. 
 
 Here I muft lament the difagreeable neceflity 
 which lord Shannon's coalition with government has 
 
 iropofed .
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 113 
 
 impofed on me. lam obliged to join interefts with 
 this nobleman. He artfully procured the intercef- 
 fion of our excellent chief governor. Gratitude in- 
 duced me to comply This will, furely, plead my 
 excufc with men who, I hope, refpecl that virtue. 
 It grieves me that this unfortunate junction has 
 precluded the execution of a fcheme honourable 
 and beneficial to your city. When 1 imagined that 
 I was unanimoufly to be elefled your reprefentative, 
 my ardent gratitude for this diftinguifhed compli- 
 ment induced me to inveftigate, in the circle of my 
 acquaintance, a man whofe political fentiments I 
 approved ; on whofe honour I might rely for co- 
 operating with me in the important guardianlhip of 
 
 your interefts. Influenced by thefe motives, I 
 
 fhould have propofed, as the lecond objeft of your 
 choice, a friend well entitled to your unanimous 
 fuffrages. If, however, the mcaneft voter had the 
 flighteft objection to my firft nominee (fo great is 
 my defire to conciliate every individual in your city) 
 I would patiently fubmit to his unreafonable op- 
 pofition, and chearfully withdraw my favourite. I 
 mould, however, have perfevered in my duty } I 
 fliould have perfifted.in recommending to you, my 
 colleague, until I had pointed out a man in whofe 
 character malice itfelf could not find a ftain. My 
 enemies will fay that I difguife felfifh and private 
 views, under the veil of public-fpirited profeffions. 
 
 Obferve, my friends, fuch a charge carries ab- 
 
 furdity on tKe face of it. It is well known that 
 
 the parliamentary influence I muft neceflarily pof- 
 
 feft.
 
 ii 4 PRANCE R IAN A. 
 
 fefs, along with my poor fpeaking abilities, is fuffi- 
 cient to anfwer every private purpofe. I own, I 
 ardently wifh to have a refpcftable following in the 
 next parliament, for the fole purpofe of giving 
 weight to a remonftrance which I {hall urge at the 
 foot of the throne. I will infift on my removal 
 from the port of Strangford to the port of Corke. I 
 muft fay, that even the loyalty I bear my fovereign, 
 does not entirely reprefs fome little refentment 
 which arifes when I refledl upon my late appoint- 
 ment. I have ably and faithfully ferved his majefty 
 in the law, in the military, in the literary line. He 
 has lately been gracioufly pleafed to ftation me in 
 the revenue-department, f I muft, however, fay, 
 he has not treated me with his ufual indulgence, by 
 banifhing me to the north. He mould not have ex- 
 pofed a body reduced to decrepitude in his fervice, 
 to the chilling blafts of that ungenial climate. He 
 mould know that I never did that I never will 
 make a finecure of any employment entruftcd to me. 
 If my reafonable requeft be complied with, I mail 
 divide my time in attending collegiate and revenue 
 duties ; and I doubt not but that, from my intimate 
 acquaintance with the code of commercial laws, I 
 mall be able to execute fchemes which will enrich 
 the crown, and, at the fame time, eafe the fair and 
 induftrious trader. 
 
 You 
 f Searcher, Packer, and Gauger of Strangford
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 115 
 
 You have now before you the whole fyftem of 
 that conduft which I have obferved, and intended 
 to obferve towards you ; judge of it with imparti- 
 ality ;~liftennottothe foggeftions of defigningmen. 
 If you review with candour and with attention what 
 I have ably ftated and urged to you, the artifices of 
 my enemies (the friends of faction) can never miflead 
 you. 
 
 MODERATOR. 
 
 Ad
 
 n6 P R A N C E R I A N A, 
 
 Ad QuiNTUM HlRPINUM. 
 
 HOR. LIB. II. ODE XI. 
 
 QUID bellicofus Cantaber, et Scythes, 
 Hirpine Quinti, cogitet, Adria 
 j3ivifus objefto, rcmiflas 
 Quaerere, nee trepides in ufum 
 Pofcentis aevi pauca : fugit retro 
 La; vis juventas et decor, arida 
 Pellente lafcivos amores 
 Canitie, facilemque fomnum. 
 Non Temper idem floribus eft Jionos 
 Vernis, neque uno Luna rubens nitet 
 Vultu : quid aeternis minorem 
 Confiliis animum fatigas ? 
 
 Cur non fub alta vel platano, vel hac 
 Pinujacentes fie temere, et rofa 
 
 Canos odorati capillos, 
 
 Dum licet, Aflyriaque nardo 
 Potamus unfti ? Diffipat Eviu 
 Curas edaces. Quis puer ocius 
 
 Reftinguet ardentis Falerni 
 
 Pocula practereunte lympha ? 
 Quis devium fcortum eliciet domo 
 Lyden ? Eburna, die age, cum lyra 
 
 Maturet, incomtum Lacaenae 
 
 More comam reiigata nodum. 
 
 No. 23,
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 117 
 
 No. 23. Saturday, January zi, 1775. 
 
 Ex noto fiftum carmen fequar. Ho R . 
 
 TO SIR JOHN BLAQJJIERE, K. B. 
 
 WHAT'S angry Tifdal\ fecret aim, 
 What's now infatiate PR ANGER'S claim, 
 
 Stay, and forget at London ; 
 Blaquiere, thy own preferment's fure, 
 Thy place and penfion are fecure, 
 
 Although the nation's undone. 
 Unequal to the ftatefman's toil, 
 No more that body twHtand coil, 
 
 And keep good people falling } 
 Enjoy the world e'en while you may, 
 The ftrongeft frames, you know, decay, 
 
 And thine'snot made for lafting. 
 
 In your own fifteen acres laid 
 We'll fcorn that bufy factious trade, 
 
 Which cits takes fuch delight in ; 
 Though you inclofe fifteen befide, 
 Cits will have room enough to ride, 
 
 And W fh. enough to fight in. 
 
 There chafe the thoughts of publick fhame 
 (Forflatt'ry does as well as fame) 
 
 With burgundy and fherry ; 
 There open all your Gallick ftore, 
 Fran s dial! go and fetch your whore, 
 
 And Sc t fhall make her merry. - 
 Let her beneath the beechen fhade, 
 Though for far other dryads made, 
 
 Laugh at the Dublin jury ; 
 Like ravifh'd Helen, blous'd her hair, 
 Her leg, like Spartan Virgin's bare ; 
 
 Her breaft, like thofe of Drury, 
 
 No. 24.
 
 1,8 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 No. 24. Monday, January 23, 1774. 
 
 PLUT. in ANT, 
 
 TO HIPFARCHUS. 
 
 HAPPILY for mankind, even the unprinci- 
 pled and bafe find utility in honefty. The 
 greateft villain (if a prudent one) will not do wrong 
 without good caufe, nor hazard the numberlefs ad- 
 vantages derived from the confidence and efteem of 
 his fellow citizens, except it be to attain fome very 
 fignal profit. 
 
 To recommend moderation and juftice to Hippar- 
 cbus,from virtuous motives, were to betray ignorance 
 of the world, and of bis cbarafter : but the meamft 
 underftanding may fee the expediency of calmnefs 
 in oppreffion, and decency in Corruption j might 
 I perfuade him to lop a few luxuriances from his 
 Tyranny, I fhould materially ferve him, and not 
 dif-ferve the community. 
 
 It
 
 PRANCERIANA. 119 
 
 It is difficult (Hipparchus would fay impoffible) 
 to find a man who afts on virtuous motives j yet if 
 we cannot make men upright, let us entreat them 
 to be moderate, and wifh them to be prudent. 
 Want of principle makes a more hateful compound 
 with folly than with common fenfe : the blunders of 
 the foolifh are often more fatal than the iniquities of 
 the difhoneft. Wretched are they who muft digeft 
 the bitter fruits of corruption grafted on folly ; who 
 who muft mark the inceftuous union between abfur- 
 dity and bafenefs, and endure not only the inten- 
 tional dircdl inflictions of malice, but the cafual 
 and indireft ones of weaknefs. 
 
 You, Hipparchus, are now in the fituation of 
 an unlucky boy, who has clambered to a houfe- 
 top, and clings, trembling at his own temerity, 
 and expefting to roll over and over with giddinefs : 
 all you muft now hope for, is to fall in decent fi- 
 lence. 
 
 Cenfure was loud on your predeceffbr ; he gave 
 too much caufe for the clamour. Your conduct 
 has been his beft eulogium and juftification : he 
 was ever accounted an able - from comparifon with 
 you, he may be called a virtuous, incorrupt go- 
 vernor. By meafures more violent than any at- 
 tempted by him, you have wantonly thrown your- 
 felf into difficulties, from which a miracle alone 
 can deliver you -your aftihg with temper and pru- 
 dence 
 
 Your
 
 izo P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 Your adminiftration exhibits a mafs of crude, 
 unformed, fufpended projefts ; not unlike a broken, 
 ihowry iky, where clouds are driven in confufed, 
 unftable heaps, before the wind. It feems as if 
 you accepted your prefent poft merely to gratify 
 your enemies (or the friends of 'virtue} with a fight 
 of the irrevocable blunders and irretrievable per- 
 plexities of a wretched man, clofing in abfurdity a 
 life of venality and corruption. 
 
 The following hints (believe me) will be more 
 ufeful in extricating you from your diftrefs, than 
 the frantick counfels of the intemperate, miferable 
 man who engrofles your ear. 
 
 You will have as many opportunities of expofing 
 the want of learned attainments as you can reafon- 
 ably defire ; feek not to multiply them by fuch 
 violent methods as altering the plan of education 
 in your dominions. - Rcflrain the parade and buft- 
 ling adlivity of forward, blundering, affuming ig- 
 norance. Check the overflowings of vanity, the 
 
 fubmiffive infolence, and the ftudied tedioufnefs. 
 Veil yourfelf from hoftile remarkers in modeft re- 
 
 ferve. Be not blinded when the fervile burn 
 
 their incenfe before the gilded idol ; nor think that 
 the relpect and praife paid to ftation and wealth, 
 are extorted by addrefs, genius, and learning. 
 
 Your political fchemes will be too heavy for your 
 management. Seek not fupernumerary difficulties 
 
 by
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 121 
 
 by literary plans, which can anfwer no end, but 
 to gratify the vanity, and Ihew the folly of their 
 author. Do not convene your council, unlefs you 
 have bufinefs more important than to mew your 
 oratory ; vulgar fpirits will hardly find an attone- 
 rfient for lofs of time and the vexation of debates, 
 prolix as unimportant, even in the elocution of an 
 Hipparchus. The majefty of power falls into con- 
 tempt, when mighty efforts are tried, and found in- 
 fuffident to produce trifles; when preparation, fo* 
 lemnity and pa' ade, uifler in nothings ; when deli- 
 beration, confultation, declamation, -written ha- 
 rangues, and elaborate oratory end in projects (like 
 their projeftor) unweildy, lame, empty, folemn, and 
 infigriificant. 
 
 An attention to ftrift difcipline is furely com- 
 mendable; yet it may irritate prejudiced minds, 
 who will call it the poor revenge of difappointed 
 tyranny, or a fnare for untraclable fpirits, covered 
 over with pretended zeal for the publick good. 
 
 Your care for religion is fignal, and fuits your 
 tbarafier: yet, in a man of lefs exemplary piety, it 
 might be called an hypocritical endeavour to ianc- 
 tify mifdeeds, by pious grimace an attempt to 
 turn our eyes from old latitude of opinion, by new 
 obfervances and punctualities the complaifance 
 (exceffive from a confcioufnefs of its being infincere) 
 of a.*Deift, feigning refpect for opinions and cere- 
 monies at which he laughs in his heart oi&pry- 
 G fane
 
 i.22 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 fane perverfion of religion to the purpofes of ty- 
 ranny, as an engine for harraffing the obnoxious. 
 
 As the generous fpirit of electors, aided by your 
 own perverfe endeavours, muft cut off all your 
 hopes of influencing the eleftion, if you are wife, 
 you will not interfere where you cannot prevail : 
 but a fcene for exercifing corruption is, perhaps, 
 too ftrong a temptation for a corrupt mind.' Aft, 
 then, with moderation ; let your applications to 
 individuals be as fecret as may be ; befiege the 
 younger electors by their parents and connexions 
 hold forth to them rewards ; ufe rather the emol- 
 lients of mildnefs and civility, than the caufticks 
 of threats and perfecution. 
 
 Should an individual, from whofe wants and ne- 
 ceflities you might well expeft pliability, prove re- 
 fradtory, you will not dare to rob him of the little 
 employment which he has difcharged without re- 
 proach, and which only the council at large can le- 
 gally give or take away. No ! This is too bold an 
 exertion of tyranny and cruelty, even tor jour un- 
 blufhing want of principle, and the rajb malevolence 
 of your faintly advifer. 
 
 ^ Let your fpies and emiflaries mix among your 
 opponents; endeavour to fow diflentions, and 
 raife various fentiments among them j divide and 
 rule them. Affail the fuperior electors with flatte- 
 ry, convivial pleafures, and the condefcenfion of 
 
 familiar 
 
 f Hipparcltis has followed this advice.
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. iz$ 
 
 familiar converfe. Flattery is powerful ; from a 
 fuperior, almofl irrefiftiblc ; to an irrefolute, bafh- 
 ful man, unacquainted with the world, the fami- 
 liarity of the great is an inevitable fnare ; his 
 vanity rifes to make the continuance of it valuable 
 and neceflary ; dazzled by the difference of rank, 
 he thinks it a favour which can only be repaid by 
 implicit obedience. A heart, at once confounded 
 with religious reverence, on admiffion to the pene- 
 tralia of greatnefs, awed by its own timidity, and 
 opened by the feftal moment, will make all your 
 requefts, commands. You will meet, however, 
 with many fpirits of a contrary ftamp, ; and in his 
 conduft to thefe, I need not caution & politician to 
 ufe temper and politenefs to check the overflow- 
 ings of his native infolence and petulance and not 
 to infult whom he cannot perfuade. 
 
 I now leave you to the difficulties you have cre- 
 ated to the oppofition you muft encounter to the 
 fhame you muft endure to the difappointment 
 that awaits you in another quarter. It may feem 
 cruel to reproach bodily infirmities ; yet they de- 
 ferve remark, as aggravations of guilt, when men 
 fin in defpight of nature. There is an uncommon 
 depravity, a ftrange hunger and thirft after corrup- 
 tion in him who employs the poor precarious rem- 
 nant of days, multiplied by art, in multiplying of- 
 fences ; who, diffufing mifchiefs, prolongs his being 
 to prolong injuries to his country and, within 
 light of the grave, meditates a dreadful legacy to 
 G 2 fofterity
 
 124 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 pofterity of meanncfs, bafenefs, and perfidy, in his 
 example and influence. 
 
 CHARIDEMUS. 
 
 to&&^^ 
 
 No. 25. Monday, January 23, 1775. 
 
 Major Reran mibi nafcitur or do. Vi R c. 
 
 ANNVS M I R A B I L 1 S 
 
 Moft bumbly infcribedto the Right Hon. JOHN HE LY 
 HUTCHINSON, and dutifully offered as a Prize- 
 Compofuion/er bis intended Premium, 
 
 SIR, 
 
 WHILE ne-w lorn fchcmes the foft'ring hand, 
 Or Embrio, midwife arts demand ; 
 While Almas honour you advance, 
 By verfe, by eloquence and dance, 
 And form the youthful heel and tongue 
 To friJk in rigadoon, or fong ; 
 May I, from boards and pleadings fteal 
 An hour, (nor hurt the common. weal) 
 To fing how you adorn the college, 
 With new purfuits, and ufeful knowledge ? 
 
 Each
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 125 
 
 Each cobler's flail {hall hold your praife, 
 And ballad-fingers chauntthe lays. 
 Say does the mufe mifpend her rage, 
 When fignal adions fill her page ? 
 
 To tell then,, gentle maid ! proceed, 
 How Almas fans are taught to read : 
 The well-grown matters Graduates fmall 
 And Dtdymui ! biggeft boy of all. 
 The Great Man courts, and law books fcorning, 
 Beftows on them an Attick morning. 
 Patient attends the horn-book holds ; 
 And fometimes cheers, and fometimes fcolds ; 
 Corrects the brogue ; the fnuffle taxes : 
 The dulleft youth a Tully waxes. 
 
 To raife our eloquence ftill more,. 
 A noble fcheme he has in (tore. 
 If aught futurity I'm fkill'd in, 
 A Theatre, (a ftately building!) 
 Beneath his aufpices fliall rife, 
 To glad our wond'ring ears and eyes : 
 Otbellos there and Lean mall rage, 
 And Hamlets tread the bufldn'd ftage j 
 Be pretty loft Ophelia there, 
 The Orphan-Bride and Belvedere. 
 Alma the magick fcene (hall view, 
 And iron tears the ftage bedew, 
 From many a grave profeflbr's cheek, 
 Deep-furrow'd in the fearch of Greek. 
 
 Her
 
 126 P R A N C E R I A N A 
 
 Her feven wife men, in gowns of rouge, 
 A fenate form their head, the Doge . 
 Her bell for Pierre QaM Alma toll ; 
 Her ale infufe in Zaras bowl ; 
 Her porters range, and bid them ftand 
 Theatrick guards a folemn band ! 
 
 O ! but I had almoft forgot 
 
 Here the Four Kings paid fcot and lot,* 
 And dwelt old inmates of the place ; 
 But foon you chas'd the wizard race | 
 Dread pains and penalties inflifled. 
 From Fire and Water interdicted j 
 Nor Tea nor Coffee mall they tafte^ 
 Nor near ihe/ociat Heartb be plac'd. 
 You, bag and baggage, made them pack ; 
 Old Wbijt, and Slam that faucy Jack, 
 Ombre, Quadrille, Pope Joan, Picquet, 
 And Brag, and Cribbage curfed fet ; 
 All, all, our worthy chief fent packing, 
 And, left amufements fhou'd be lacking, 
 He fet the college yourh to dancing ; 
 Now retreating, now advancing, 
 While (harp violins are heard around, 
 And bagpipes' merry, merry found. 
 
 Go on, great Sir ! beneath your eyes 
 Sublime purfuits and aims mall rife ; 
 
 * Alluding to the interdift of cards within the walls of the 
 Univerfity ; our worthy Provoft having very properly enforced 
 the ftatute made and provided againft them. 
 
 For
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 127 
 
 For fomerfets be Alma known, 
 
 Be vaults and tourbillons her own. 
 
 The mafk where belles and courtiers lead, 
 
 Where lovers dance in flow'ry mead ; 
 
 Where'er the fprightly heart is found, 
 
 That flutters at a fiddle's found ; 
 
 Wherever dwells the janty fair, 
 
 Who capers at a jiggifh air ; 
 
 Thy toils fhallfind a deathlefs name, 
 
 And Lima's jigs be Hely's fame ; 
 
 Reftorer of the art of dancing, 
 
 And mighty prototype of prancing. 
 
 Illuftrious Sir ! your fchemes purfue, 
 So great, fo folemn, and fo new. 
 Heed not the lewd and idle fcoffer, 
 Who laughs when graveft proje&s offer;. 
 And juft his filly nofe can pop 
 Into the ridicule at top, 
 That rifss light and vain (I wot) 
 As froth upon a porter- pot ; 
 But waits notorious ends to know. 
 That, like the liquor, lie below. 
 
 For Slingjby the profefibr's chair, 
 The fellow's cap and gown prepare ; 
 And Jet the cynick fool be told, 
 How kings and heroes danc'd of old ; 
 Refer him to the claffick tome, 
 For Salian dance in ancient Rome i 
 
 Or
 
 128 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 Or on the pyrrbick mew your reading ; 
 And clear to day-light the proceeding, 
 By Scaliger, of modern days, 
 Who fet all Germany a-gaze. 
 Thus wake the youth of gen'rous foul, 
 To chalk his pumps, and wield the pole ; 
 Bid graduate^ pendent by their knees, 
 From Slack. ropes (hoot into Degrees: 
 While thy paternal fkill imparts, 
 To other ftudents other arts ; 
 While fome it forms (no trivial care) 
 To ftalk on hands, with legs in air, 
 To greener palms fhallfome afpire, 
 And tread, equilibrifts, the wire ; 
 Or tumblers, round on platters fpin, 
 Or dart through holes, like Harlequin : 
 In armour mall Ben Saddi\ prance, 
 And clam, his fhield in pyrrbick dance ; 
 To ftand on'o headjS/r Billy $ (trains, 
 And thence the jumble of his brains ; 
 With coat of motley on his back, 
 Shall jlfoftfex ftrut, a Pudding- Jack ; $ 
 But nobleft, who with artful grace, 
 A table on his nofe can place. 
 
 ^ Dr. F tb. J Mr. H s. 
 
 This gentleman excells in the manufafture of black pud- 
 dings, as appears from a fpeech of his to the late Provoft. 
 " My dear Provoft, I vow to the Lord, I was juft falling a 
 " parcel of black-pudding? with my own tands to fend you ; 
 when I heard the news of my father's houfe being robbed." 
 
 But
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 129, 
 
 But thee, more ufeful toils await, 
 O ! may the Parcaj flretch thy date. 
 Thy labours then, to glad this ifle, 
 Shall raife a vaft and goodly pile. 
 The riding-boufe ftiall rear its head, 
 Soft, foft the borfe dung fliall be fpread. 
 No more with fquares and circles addle,. 
 See half the College in the faddle ! 
 The whip, the boot our youth demand,. 
 DuJ}, not inglorious, ftains the band. 
 Soon fhall thy Centaurs claim the fight, 
 And City Lapiths own their might : 
 The tribes that forge the du&ile brafs, 
 Or puff to form the molten glafs, 
 The fadlious clans that (buttles guide, 
 And butchers fell, in crimfon dy'd. 
 Lanes, jj earth and water fend in mud, 
 And ihambles weep thy rage in blood, 
 The haughty corporations bend, 
 And golden box for tribute fend. 
 Thus train thy bands to fighting fields, 
 And reap the palms thy valour yields. 
 
 With conqueft flulh'd, our puiffant head 
 To new exploits his troops fliall lead ; 
 To raze th' obfcene and loathly cells, 
 Where mrinM in darknef; Slander dwells. 
 
 |! Among the ancients, the fending of earth and water from 
 one ttate to another, was a token of iubjeftion. See Thucy- 
 
 With.
 
 i 3 o P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 With mangled reputations fed, 
 That ferve her for her daily bread. 
 Through High-ftreet mall he proudly march, 
 To ftorm her fane at Owens-arch, f 
 Through Newgate then, tremendous tow'r, 
 His doughty hoft to Meatb-ftreet pour. 
 There, there the din, the tumults rife; 
 In dull th' Hibernian Office lies 
 The Devils are to atoms batter'd, 
 Types, papers, poems, prefles fcatter'd. 
 Their journal loft, no jealous fear 
 Shall roufe the men that dye An&jhear ; 
 Their feuds with Blaquiere then mall ceafe, 
 And folemn Simon rule in peace. 
 
 One laft exploit is doom'd by heav'n, 
 And then thy fword to ruft be giv'n : 
 Far hence dull plodding troth to beat, 
 That loads too long Aftrtds feat ; 
 To bear away the Cianc'llor's mace, 
 Fix thee triumphant in his place. 
 Then fliall thy cares, thy toils be crown'd, 
 And Jo Paans ring around. 
 
 f The Freeman's- Journal is publiflied there. 
 
 No; 26,
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 13* 
 
 No. 26. Tuefday, January 24, 1775 J. 
 
 Nil oriturum alias y till or turn tale fat entes. HOR 
 
 I am the man that did the bottle bring. 
 And tied the bottle to the bottle firing. 
 
 TOM. THUMB.. 
 
 An ACCOUNT of fome REGULATIONS made In 
 Trinity-College, Dublin, fince the appointment 
 of the prefent PROVOST. 
 
 TH E people of this kingdom, of almoft 
 every rank, are interefted in the good or bad 
 condudt of the head of this univerfity j fome men 
 may have their motives for applauding, but many 
 may be ftjmulated by ambition, intereft, eleftion- 
 eering policy, or prejudice, to mifreprefent and 
 cenfure his condud ; the publick who have none of 
 
 tbofe 
 
 J This defence f the written by blmfdf, is placed. 
 
 tere merely becaufe it ought to precede the feveral critiques 
 that were written upon it. It was printed January 6, 1775.. 
 for A. Leathly, bookfeller to the univerfity, but not publifhid. 
 Two hundred copies, (we have been informed) were depofited; 
 in the fhop of Mrs. Leathly, to be diftributed^rar//, but on the-- 
 Appearance of No. 27. they, were all recalled.
 
 j 3 2 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 tbofe motives, mould form their opinions from facls. 
 They are here faithfully collected, and from a plain 
 ftate of them, every reafonable man may judge, 
 whether this College has, or has not, obtained 
 any benefits, or received any improvements, ilnce 
 the appointment of the prefent Provoft. 
 
 That composition and elocution were not fuffi- 
 ciently cultivated among us, has been generally 
 acknowledged and lamented : the firft objeft of 
 the Provoft was to encourage an attention to thofe 
 long negledled fubjefts ; for thispurpofe. 
 
 He obtained from the governors of Erafmui 
 Smith** fchools, to which he is treafurer, a fund of 
 2Oo/ yearly, to be given in premiums for compo- 
 fition and elocution, at fuch times, and in fuch 
 manner and proportion, as the Provoft and fenior 
 Fellows, mould from time to time appoint. 
 
 But as a foundation fhoulci be laid at fchool for 
 thofe ufeful accomplifhments, he propofed the fol- 
 lowing advertifement, which was afterwards pub- 
 iifhed by order of the board : 
 
 " Whereas the right honourable and honourable 
 " the governors of Erafmus Smith's fchools, have 
 *' been pleafed to grant the fum of 2Oo/ yearly, as a 
 ' fund for premiums for compofitions, in Greek, 
 " LatiK, and Englijh, and for elocution in Latin 
 " and Englijb ; to be diilributed by the Provoft 
 
 " and
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 133 
 
 " and fenior fellows of this univerfity in fuch man- 
 ' ner as they from time to time mall think proper : 
 " The feveral fchool-mafters and tutors, who pre- 
 " pare young gentlemen for the faid univerfity, are 
 " defired to take notice. That from the ;th of July 
 " next, compofitions in Latin and Englijh profe, 
 " and from the 7th of July 1776, in Latin verfe 
 *' alfo, will be expefted, from the feveral candi- 
 " dates for admiffion, at their examinations for 
 " entrance ; and that during the college courfe, 
 " judgments will be given, and premiums diftri- 
 " buted, for compofition in Greek, Latin, and 
 " Englijh ; the like encouragement will be given to 
 " elocution in Latin and Euglijh : of which notice 
 " is given, that there may be fufficient time for 
 " preparation." 
 
 He alfo applied to government to be pleafed to 
 give directions that letters mould be written to the 
 feveral fchoolmafterr, appointed by his majefty in 
 this kingdom, to prepare their fcholars in fuch 
 a manner as to enable them to become proper can- 
 didates for tbofe premiums ; this requeft was com- 
 plied wkh ; as treafurer of Erafmus Smith's fchools, 
 he has written letters of the like import to the 
 feveral fchoolmafters upon that foundation ; and, 
 at his inftance, the fchoolmafter of the fchool in 
 Kilkenny, now in the patronage of the college, 
 has been written to from the board, in the fame 
 manner. 
 
 He
 
 134- P & A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 He has alfo obtained from the faid governors a Aim 
 of 25007. towards building a theatre for oar publick 
 exerciies and exhibitions, and for delivering fuch 
 competitions of the ftudents as fhall be approved of 
 by the provoft and fenior fellows, to be built in 
 fuch part of the faid college as the provoft and 
 fenior fellows lhall approve of, and as nearly as 
 may be according to the plan of the Oxford 
 theatre. 
 
 The board has, at his inftance, agreed that fuch 
 of the batchelors as thought proper mould give in 
 fpeeches to the fenior lecturer, with or without 
 names, for the 3oth of January, zgth of May, 
 ^shtfjune, 2jd of Oftober, and 5th of Nevember, 
 on which days occafional orations are annually 
 made ; that tbofe fpeeches mail be laid before the 
 board, that the beft mould be fpoken, and the 
 author of it receive a premium, (a). 
 
 He has directed the oratory profefibr and his 
 afliftant, the tutors, the morning lefturers, and 
 the cenior to feleft the beft exercifes given in to 
 them, and to hand them over to him to fee which 
 of them deferve to be diftinguiflied in the fame 
 manner. 
 
 A general 
 
 (a ) Premiums in this college are given in medals, or in 
 books, with the college arms, and a certificate of the caufe.
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 135 
 
 A general fcheme for the encouragement of com- 
 pofition and elocution, in the feveral claffes, is 
 now, at his defire, under the confideration of the 
 board ; and there appears to be a fair profpeft of 
 extending thofe important attainments more gene- 
 rally in this univerfity. 
 
 Upon his propofal the board refolved, that it 
 would be highly beneficial to have profeffors of 
 modern languages, namely Spanifh, French, Ita- 
 lian and German, eftablifhed in this college ; he 
 has applied to government to grant a moderate fund 
 for that purpofe, and has declared his intentions, 
 if that application fail, to give an annual fum of 
 two hundred pounds, out of his falary as provoft, 
 for that ufeful purpofe ; he has alfo propofed, 
 and the board has agreed, that there mould be a 
 riding houfe in the college for the ufe of the ftudents 
 only. The two laft mentioned fchemes will be 
 a great faving to this country, will be the means 
 of enabling young gentlemen of fortune to finifh 
 their education at home, and will fend them abroad 
 more capable of receiving improvement from 
 their travels, when they are acquainted with the 
 languages of the countries which they vifit. 
 
 Thefe inftitutions will be attended with this 
 further advantage : The gentlemen of this univer- 
 fity, who would accept of private tuitions, though, 
 federal of them are now men of great learning 
 nd ability, would by tbofe accomplifhments be 
 
 rendered
 
 136 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 rendered more ufeful to their pupils ; tbofe attain- 
 ments may probably be powerful inducements to 
 the nobility and principal gentry, to commit their 
 fons to the care of tbofe gentlemen, both at home 
 and abroad ; and it is well known what beneficial 
 confequences are frequently derived to the tutors 
 from fuch connexions. 
 
 Nor have the great branches of folid and ufeful 
 learning been neglefted for the cultivation of lefs 
 important objects. 
 
 There are feveral profeflbrs in the college, of 
 divinity, mathematicb, natural philofophy, He- 
 brew, oratory, and common law ; fome of them 
 founded and endowed by the crown, others endowed 
 by the governors of Erafmus Smith's fchools j all 
 filled by men of great knowledge and ability, and 
 fome of them of as high characters as perhaps 
 ever filled tbofe chairs in any univerficy ; yet tkofe 
 profeflbrmips have been all of them lefs ufeful, 
 and fome of them of little ufe by the non attendance 
 or the negligent attendance of feveral of the bat- 
 chelors ; this will be for the future prevented by 
 a regulation propofed by the provoft, and adopted 
 by the board, obliging the batchelors to attend 
 the lectures directed for that profefiion for which 
 they have declared, and punifhing them for not 
 attending or for negligence, by private admonifh- 
 ment for the offence of the firft term, publick ad- 
 monifliment for the fecond, and removal from the 
 college for the third : 
 
 Their
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. iyj 
 
 Their diligence and good anfwering are to be 
 encouraged. 
 
 Premiums were formerly, and are now, given 
 to the divinity, and Greek leSurei ; it is deter- 
 mined, at his defire, to extend them to the He- 
 brew, hiftorical, oratory, and common law lectures. 
 
 For the latter it has been ordered that a good 
 common law library mould be purchafed, together 
 with Ionic of the moft neceflary books for a lending 
 library, and that a convenient room mould be fet 
 apart for that purpofe j the common law profeflbr 
 is to lecture twice in the week in each term, is to 
 examine the gentlemen in the books they read, and 
 to examine publickly once in the year, and the 
 board are to give premiums in law books to the two 
 beft anfwerers. 
 
 This lecture which has been hitherto of little, or 
 no ufe in this univerfity, is now placed upon fuch a 
 footing, as under the fuperintendency of the pro- 
 voft, who propofes to aflift in the yearly examinati- 
 on, and fometimes to prelect and in the hands of the 
 prefent able profejfor, will make it a very great na- 
 tional benefit to this kingdom : three months in the 
 year, at moft, will be fufficient to anfwer the four 
 terms in England ; the reft of the year may be moft 
 ufefully employed by the law ftudents in this col- 
 lege under the law profefibr, and in endeavouring to 
 improve and diftinguifh themfelves in compofition, 
 elocution, and hiftory. 
 
 It
 
 138 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 It is obvious, if this fcheme fucceeds, that it will 
 be attended with a great faving to this country. 
 
 He has alfo propofed, and it has been determin- 
 ed, that the apparatus for making the experiments 
 in natural philofophy Hull be enlarged and com- 
 pleated. 
 
 He is ufing his utmoft efforts for making the offi- 
 ces of divinity lefturer and divinity profeflbr more 
 ufeful than they have been for many years paft ; 
 and the beft founded expectations are entertained 
 that his endeavours in this refpeft will be attended 
 with the moft uf.ful and important confequences. 
 
 The courfe of education for under graduates in 
 this univerlity, in the general fo juftly approved, 
 has in the claffical part, been complained of as de- 
 fecHve in fome particulars j it is now, after great 
 deliberation, fetiled that fuch alterations and im- 
 provements mall be made in it as will be highly be- 
 neficial to the itudents of the four firlt clafles ; this 
 improvement of the undergraduate courfe, and ob- 
 liging the batchelors in their refpeftive lines of flu- 
 dies to attend the profeflbrs of tbofe branches to 
 which they are to apply, will form as complete a 
 fyflem of education as any in Europe. 
 
 The number of ftudents is now five hundred and 
 ninety-eight ; the buildings of the college contain 
 two hundred and twenty-five only j this is a great 
 
 caufc
 
 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 139 
 
 caufe of relaxation of difcipline, as the officers of the 
 college cannot be refponlible for the conduft of thofe 
 who live in town; to remedy this inconvenience, 
 the provoft has propofed and the board has agreed to 
 the creeling new buildings which will form a fquare, 
 each fide of which will be about two hundred and 
 twenty feet in length ; and three Jides of it will be 
 new ; this ii to be begun immediately. 
 
 He has fhut up all accefs dircflly from the town 
 to the college park, which had become a publick 
 walk, and frequently foj company of the loweft 
 and word kind, andiuas made a common paffage ; it is 
 now referved folely for the ttudsus ; and it has been 
 refolved at his dcfire, that a field for their exercifes 
 fliall be provided when it can be done with conve- 
 nience. 
 
 He has alfo declared his intentions of providing 
 common rooms for the accommodation of the gen- 
 tlemen of the college ; one for the fellows and gra- 
 duates, the other for the undergraduates in the man- 
 ner of Oxford and Cambridge, and as tboj'e rooms 
 will be fupplied with newfpapers, tea, coffee, &c. 
 it is hoped // may be the mc^ns, by making the 
 college more agieeabie to the ftucients, of prevent- 
 ing them from going ib very frequently into town. 
 
 In a great and numerous nniverfity, fituate in a 
 metropolis, difcipline is a moil important object; 
 as fuch he has attended to it with the utmoft care 
 
 and
 
 HO P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 and folicitude : a moderate but exaft difcipline is 
 efiablifhed ; the fta'utable regulation of not going 
 into the city witnout a written permiflion from the 
 tutor, is Uriftiy attended to : the number of tardes, 
 or coming in too !ate for .j^ht roll, reftrained and 
 determined ; a new provifion has been made as to 
 night roils, which has already been attended with 
 the moft falutary r frccls ; rr'fiing a third night-roll 
 is now made punifhable bv puMick cenfures, and a 
 fourth, without a t'ufficieiit excule, by removal from 
 the college ; be has encreafed and fxed tbe number 
 of cbafeli in a week, and Divine Worfhip was never 
 known to be better attended in this college ; he has 
 abolilhed an improper practice that had prevailed of 
 fome of the ftudents leaving chapel before the com- 
 munion fervice of a facrament Sunday. 
 
 For the purpofe of enforcing difcipline, he has 
 made the place of fenior dean an aftive and effec- 
 tive office ; it is now filled by one of the moft ref- 
 pectable fenior fellows, and the office of junior dean, 
 by one of the moft refpe&able junior fellows ; 
 tbofe gentlemen being of diftinguifhed characters as 
 disciplinarians, were prevailed upon at the earneft 
 defircof the provoft, to undertake tbofe difficult and 
 important offices ; fcholars are vifited by tbofe gen- 
 tlemen in their rooms,, and the tutors alfo are or- 
 dered to vifit their pupils in their rooms, and at 
 ftated times at their houfes in town, and no pupil 
 is to be allowed to continue at any houfe not ap- 
 proved of by his tutor ; in a word, nothing has 
 
 been
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. i 4l 
 
 been omitted that can enforce a mild and regular 
 difcipline, without rigor or feverity. 
 
 All offences have been inveftigated with the 
 ftrifteft attention, and offenders puniftied, without 
 exception or diftin&ion, but with all the modera- 
 tion and lenity that were confiftent with juftice to 
 the univerlity, and to the publick. 
 
 In the quarterly examinations which by the fta- 
 tutes are to be for eight hours, at leaft two hours 
 were wafted in calling the rolls, which fometimes 
 did not leave fufficient time to diftinguifh the diffe- 
 rent degrees of merit, and particularly of the can- 
 didates for premiums ; he has ordered that the roll 
 fhould be called but once, and that on the firft 
 morning only, and to be finijbed before eight o'clock, 
 when the examination begins, which leaves the 
 whole time appointed by the ftatutes for the purpofe 
 of examining the ftudents. 
 
 The favours of the college have been difpofed of 
 with the moft fcrupulous regard to juftice and good 
 example ; in the diftribution of natives places and 
 exhibitions, f a new mode was propofed by the 
 provoft and agreed to by the board. That every 
 man's prctenfions mould be determined by confider- 
 
 f- The firft are falaries of twenty pounds yearly, to fuch 
 fcholars of the houfe as are natives of Ireland j and the fecond, 
 annuities of different values from five pounds to ten pounds 
 yearly.
 
 i 4 2 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 ing, firft, his attendance upon religious duties and 
 his moral character ; fecondly, his judgments at ex- 
 aminations ; thirdly, his attendance on lectures and 
 other duties; fourthly, his marks at fchorlarfhip , 
 fifthly, his feniority ; and fixthly, his poverty. In 
 every divifion the whole academical conduct of every 
 ftudent was ftriclly reviewed, and every place dif- 
 pofed of with a religious attention to tbofe different 
 kinds of merit; which muft be attended with the 
 bed confequences, as it will make every man, who 
 feeVs for the favours of the univerfity, attentive to 
 every ftep of his conduct, which he knows will be 
 minutely inveftigated and clofely reviewed and 
 confidered. 
 
 He has attended with the utmoft application 
 and vigilance to every part of his duty, and 
 to enable the college to accomplish the many 
 great and extenfive plans which he has propofed for 
 its improvement and enlargement. He has fet on 
 foot a fcheme, for a reafonable and moderate en- 
 creafe of the revenues of the univerfity, which will 
 be neceflary for attaining tbtfe many great and 
 ufeful purpofes, 
 
 Tbofe are fab. If any thing wrong has been 
 
 done, let the fact be ftated ; if any thing neceflary 
 or proper to be done, has been omitted, let the 
 omiflion be ftated. The publick may be amufed, 
 but will not be mifled by electioneering invectives 
 and fcurrility. 
 
 If
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 143 
 
 If this gentleman has been able to do fo much in 
 fix months, what may not be expefled in a courfe 
 of years from his perfeverance ? Thofe perfons are 
 not friends to their country who endeavour to mif- 
 lead the publick opinion, to poifon the minds of 
 the ftudents, and enflame them againfl their gover- 
 nor, by the moft falfe, wicked and malicious ca- 
 lumnies. The affiftance of the able, learned and 
 worthy men, who are at prefent at the board of 
 fenior fellows, does not diminifti his merit, but their 
 concurrence is a ftrong proof of the propriety of 
 thofe meafures, of the redlitude of his conduft, and 
 of the'integrity of his intentions ; and the moft 
 perfect concord, and reciprocal efteem have uni- 
 formly fubfifted between him and thofe gentlemen.
 
 144 
 
 P R A N C 
 
 I A N A. 
 
 No. 27. Wednefday, January 25, 1775 
 Parturiunt monies nafcetur ridiculmmus. HOR, 
 
 TO THE STUDENTS OF THE UNIVERSITY. 
 
 HAPPENING a few days fmce to go to the 
 chambers of a clafs-fellovv, who on account 
 of his having taken a lead in the late political con- 
 tefts, has been marked out by the Provoft, and in 
 confequence been cited more than once before 
 the board for I know not what offence, my eyes 
 were attracted by a pamphlet which lay upon the 
 table, and appeared juft frefli from the prefs. On 
 the outfide, I perceived in large characters, which 
 
 J knew
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 145 
 
 I knew to be my friend's, thefe words : O that 
 mine adverfary bad written a book ! And under- 
 neath, O Fortynatam natam, me Confule, Romam ! 
 I immediately took it up, and found it entitled, 
 AN ACCOUNT OF SOME REGULATIONS MADE IN 
 TRINITY COLLEGE, DUBLIN, SINCE THE AP- 
 POINTMENT OF THE PRESENT PROVOST. Hav- 
 ing heard a good deal of the prefent College Dif- 
 putes, though I am not much intereited in them (not 
 being a fcholar of the houfe), my curiofity was na- 
 turally excited by the title of this performance, as 
 well as by the mottoes which my friend had affixed 
 to it j and I read it through with great avidity. On 
 the full glance it appeared evidently the production 
 of our illuftrious Pacha with three Tails the great 
 MAN-MOUNTAIN himfelf; and on enquiry I found 
 that feveral copies of this work had been fent to each 
 of thefe//ows, and to all his friends in and out of the 
 Univerfity. 
 
 If this fingular performance had been publijhed, I 
 mould have left the examination of it to my coufin. 
 STULTIFF. x, whofe acute ftriftures have already 
 fo often entertained the publick. But as it is only 
 privately difperfed, and may therefore never fall into 
 my kinfman's hands, I think it my duty to take up 
 his pen, from the fame laudable motive by which 
 he appears to be actuated, a defire to refcue the li- 
 terary character of Ireland from reproach, and to 
 preferve our mother-tongue unpoluted by the de- 
 pravations of vulgar, inflated, or ungrammatical 
 writers. 
 
 H That
 
 H 6 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 That corruption has pervaded every part of our 
 conftitution, has been fo long complained of and la- 
 mented, thac we now acquiefce in the pofition as an 
 incontrovertible truth, and fubmit to it as to other 
 irremediable evils.- But our language has hitherto 
 efcaped its baneful and wide-fpreading influence ; 
 at leaft its purity has been preferved by the literati 
 of England and Ireland ; nor has any member of 
 this univerfity hitherto brought fhame on the foci- 
 ety and himfelf, by any publick and notorious ina- 
 bility to deliver his ideas to the world with perfpi- 
 cuity and precifion. So far, indeed, has our Ian* 
 guage been from depravation, that during thefe laft 
 thirty years it has undoubtedly been much improved; 
 and we have an excellent grammar extant, by 
 means of which any man (except Humphry Search, 
 Brutus, or the marble-headed Knight) may, with a 
 very little application, learn to write at leaft cor- 
 reftly, if not with elegance. That perfon therefore 
 is not a friend to his country, who leflens the reputa- 
 tion of the only feminary of learning in it, and ' poi- 
 fons the minds of the Students, by exhibiting to them 
 & bafe model of compofition, by corrupting the 
 modes of fpeech, and the analogy of language. 
 
 Had the Provoft confined our difgrace to this 
 country, it would have been more tolerable ; but 
 in order to diffufe it as wide as poffible, he has, we 
 are told, fent feveral copies of his work to the great 
 fchools, and the two Univerfities of England, and 
 one to his Majefty. Noflra per immen/as Hunt prce- 
 
 conia
 
 PRANCER1ANA. 14? 
 
 conia gentes. Thus it becomes a matter of national 
 concern ; and it is the intereft of every gownfiran, 
 left he fhould be involved in the opprobrium which 
 will certainly fall on our Univerfity, to declare to 
 the world, that he fees with concern the head of the 
 only college in this kingdom, exhibit to the pub- 
 lick a compofition replete with almoft every anomaly 
 that the Englifh language affords. 
 
 With refpecl: to the objects of the prefent Provoft, 
 the converting the College into a family-borough, 
 and the eftablifliing of certain new inftitutions 
 as a lover of independency, and a friend to the 
 conftitution, I heartily hope he may be defeated in 
 the former ; as a member of the Univerfity, and a 
 well-wither to it, I fhall be no lefs pleafed that his 
 new regulations, if they be well conceived, may be 
 as happily executed. To oppofe him in the for- 
 mer, and to fcrutinize the latter, I leave to others. 
 To review his peiiods, and examine his didlion, is 
 a tafk fufficiemly burthenfome for a fingle perfon. 
 
 But before I proceed to review the language of 
 this elaborate performance, I cannot forbear to take 
 notice of the fophiitry of the argument. The elec- 
 tors of the Univerfity hear that the Provoft has fent 
 to feveral of the fellows, and folicited their votes 
 for two perfons whom he fhould name. They are 
 immediately alarmed ; they meet affociate and 
 refolve to maintain their independence. The Pro- 
 voft is enraged ; the moft violent meafures are a- 
 H 2 dopted;
 
 148 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 dopted ; frequent boards are held; feveral fcho- 
 lars are cited, examined, threatened, cenfured. In 
 a word, the conteit is carried on (as far as I have 
 learned) with firmnefs and moderation on one fide, 
 and much incemperance on the other. Thus ftands 
 
 the matter. And now for argument. " An un- 
 
 reafonable outcry has been made ; I have been 
 calumniated ; I am wholly innocent ; for (I know, 
 gentle reader, you expedl: he mould fay, ' / have 
 been guilty of no violence, I have not endeavoured to 
 difiate reprefentatives,---! have not invaded the rights 
 of the eleftors but you are miftaken ;'). I have 
 made fuch and fuch regulations with refpedl to the 
 difcipline of the Univerfity, and they are all excel- 
 lent." In the name of Smiglecius does he think 
 
 us totally devoid of common fenfe ? Whether his 
 regulations are wife, or not, time only can mew ; 
 but furely they are nothing to the purpofe : and every 
 frejhman would tell him that his argument is not ad 
 idem. 
 
 The firft paragraph that attracts our notice, runs 
 thus; 
 
 ** Thefe inftitutions will be attended with this 
 <* further advantage : The gentlemen of this Uni- 
 ** verfity, who would accept of private tuitions, 
 *' though feveral of them are no<w men of great learn- 
 *' ing and ability, would by thofe accomplifhments 
 (i. e. the ejiablijhment of profeflbrs of modern lan- 
 ' guages, and the building of a riding-houfe, for 
 
 " thefe
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 149 
 
 " thefe are mentioned immediately before) be ren- 
 " dered more ufeful to their pupils." [An acccunf, 
 
 By this paragraph are we to underftand, that 
 thefe gentlemen would accept of tuitions, notwith- 
 ftanding that they are men of abilities ? Or, that 
 by thefe, I beg pardon, I mould fay thofe, accom- 
 plifliments (the profej/brjhips and the riding-boufe) 
 they would be more ufeful than without them ? 
 Or, that thofe accomplishments are more uieful than 
 learning and ability ? 
 
 It certainly requires a glofs ; and the learned 
 writer will do well to add one in the next edition. 
 
 But let us haften from thefe petty inaccuracies, to 
 the moft extraordinary piece of writing that we ever 
 remember to have met with. 
 
 " There are feveral profejfors in the college of dU 
 
 " vinity, mathematics, natural philofophy, hebrew, 
 
 " oratory, and common law; fome of tizm founded 
 
 and endowed by the crown, others endowed by 
 
 the governors of Erafmus Smith's fchools ; all filed 
 
 by men of great knowledge and ability, and fome 
 
 of them of as high characters as, perhaps ever 
 
 filled tbofe chairs in any univerfity." \_Ante 
 
 Every one has heard of the founding of a fchool, 
 or college ; 'but the founding of prof effort is quite 
 
 new..
 
 i 5 o P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 new. The prefent fellows of the Univerfity are 
 men of acknowledged abilities, and, lam fure, are 
 as loyal as any of his Majefty's fubje&s ; but I much 
 queftion whether they will allow that any one but 
 God Almighty has endowed them with thofe facul- 
 ties which they poflefs : nor, indeed, did I ever 
 hear before that fuch a power as is here mentioned 
 refided in the crown. But it feems that not only 
 his Majefty, but the governors of Erafmus Smith's 
 fchools, for the time being, are gifted with this ex- 
 traordinary power. They have acquired it, no 
 doubt, fince the appointment of the prefent Provoft. 
 But the matter does not reft here. Thofe profeflbrs 
 are not only endowed by the crown, but they are 
 filed by men of great knowledge and ability 
 That thofe profeflbrs fliould, like the Trojan horfe, 
 carry men in their bellies, is no doubt, a wonderful 
 phenomenon; but as we muft take it for granted, 
 that every part of this performance is ftriftly true, 
 I cannot help congratulating my brother- ftudents on 
 the great advantages we are likely to derive from 
 thefe big-bellied profeflbrs, whofe numbers have, in 
 fo fhort a time, been doubled, without any expence 
 to the Univerfity. " AND fome of them of as high 
 characters, as perhaps, ever filled thofe chairs in any 
 Univerfity." Juft now they were profeflbrs then 
 
 his Majefly endowed them then they were filled 
 
 with other proteflbrs and now, at laft, (ftrange 
 metamorphofis !) they are turned into chairs. I re- 
 member, in one of the modern pantomimes, fome 
 grave juftices of the peace are, by the artful 
 
 turning
 
 PRANCERIANA. 151 
 
 turning of the feats on which they fit, transformed 
 into old women : But this trick of converting the 
 profeffors of the Univerfity into chairs, is fo much 
 grander a piece of legerdemain, that Harlequin m uft 
 yield the palm to the prefent Provofl. 
 
 We next are told, that " premiums were for- 
 merly, and are now, giving to the divinity and 
 greek leftures ; it is determined, at his defire, 
 to extend them to the hebrew, hillorical, oratory, 
 and common law lettures" [Ante, p. 137.] 
 
 The late Dr. Madden deferves to be always held 
 in remembrance, for his admirable inftitution of 
 premiums for fuch ftudents, as mould appear 
 to the feveral examiners the beft fcholars in their 
 refpedlive clafles. But he little dreamed that fo 
 great an alteration fhould be made in a few years 
 after his death ; that the Jiudents mould lofe this 
 grand incentive to diligence; and that premiums, 
 inftead of being diftributed among them, as for- 
 merly, fhould be confined to the leftures tbemfehes. 
 Perhaps it may be faid,that this is an error of the 
 prefs, and that we ought in this place to read lec- 
 turers. but the depriving us of our premiums, and 
 giving them to our le&urers, would be fuch partiality 
 and injuftice,that I cannot, for my own part, think 
 the Provoft has fo extravagant and unjuft a fcheme 
 in contemplation. 
 
 He
 
 152 P R A N C E R 1 A N A. 
 
 " He has increafed andfaed the number of cha- 
 pels IK a lueekT [Same Account ', &c . Page 9.] 
 
 The college chapel I have always thought too 
 fmall, and by no means fufficiently magnificent for 
 the only univerfity in Ireland. The addition of a 
 number of chapels to it would certainly render it 
 more commodious than it is at prefent, and be the 
 means of accommodating a greater number of per- 
 fons during the celebration of Divine Service, than 
 the old building can now contain. But whether 
 one large edifice would not be more fuperb, is, I 
 
 think, worthy of confideration. When I read 
 
 this paflage, it immediately ftruck me that thefe 
 chapels muft be fmall additional buildings, like 
 thofe which, according to the accounts of travel, 
 lers, are annexed to Roman Catholick churches, 
 and dedicated to particular faints; and when I 
 came to the wordjixed, it naturally brought to my 
 mind the city of Venice, which, we are told, is 
 built on a number of 'floating iflands, that have been 
 fixed and confolidated by art. But that the provoft 
 fhould have been able to execute fo great a work in 
 fo fhort a time as a week, aitonifhed me fo much, 
 that 1 immediately ran down into the court, when, 
 lo ! the old chapel appeared in its old place, and not 
 
 a fingle new building near it. 1 lifted up my 
 
 eyes in amazement, and went back to my friend's 
 chambers, fufpefting that I had made fome miftake: 
 but I found the paflage juft as it is above quoted, 
 
 and
 
 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 '53 
 
 and muft leave the interpretation of it to fome more 
 able commentator. 
 
 I have now, I fear, tired my reader as well as 
 myfelf ; yet, I cannot omit the following elegant: 
 phrafes : 
 
 " The fchoolmafter of the fchool in Kilkenny has 
 " been written to" [P. i 33.] " He has direfted the 
 " oratory profeffor and his affiftant, the tutors, ihe 
 " morning leclurers, and the cenfor, to feleft the 
 " befl exercifes given in to them, and to hand them 
 " over to him, to fee which of them deferve to be 
 " diftinguiflied."{_/ > . 134.] " Yet thofe profeflbrfhips 
 " have been all them lefs ufeful, and fome of them 
 "of tittle vk? [P. 136.] 
 
 So that the degrees of comparifon muft hereafter 
 be changed in all Englifti grammars, and run thus 
 lefs little leaft. . 
 
 " He has ordered that the rolls mould be called 
 but once, and that on the firft morning only, and 
 " to befinijbed before eight o'clock." [P. io.j " He 
 " has alfo declared his intention of providing com- 
 " mon rooms for the accommodation of the gentle- 
 " men of the college ; one for the fellows and gra- 
 " duates, the other for the under-graduates, in the 
 " manner of Oxford and Cambridge ; and as thofe 
 " rooms will be fupplied with newfpapers, tea, 
 " coffee, &c. it is hoped /'/ may be the means, by 
 H 5 " making
 
 154 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 " making the college more agreeable to the ftu- 
 " dents, of preventing them from going fo very fre- 
 " quently into town. [P. 9.] That is, either the 
 rooms, the papers, the tea, or the coffee ; for, by //, 
 any of thefe is clearly underftood. 
 
 " This (the Law} lefture, which has been hi- 
 ' therto of little or no ufe in this univerfity, is now 
 ' placed upon fuch a footing, as under the fuper- 
 * intendency of the provolt who propofes to affift in 
 ' the yearly examination, and fometimes to preleft 
 ' and in the hands of the prefent able prof ej/br, f will 
 ' make it a very great national benefit to this king- 
 < dom," 
 
 The abilities of the prefent law-profeflbr are 
 univerfally acknowledged but, whether he is able 
 to fuftain the prefent provcft in bis bands (as Glum- 
 dalclitcb ufed to exhibit Gulliver) for fo long a time 
 as muft neceflarily be employed in delivering a pre- 
 ledion, may admit of fome doubt. 
 
 Demofthenes is faid to have tranfcribed the hiftory 
 of Tbucydides nine times. The learned writer of 
 this account feems to have been equally diligent in 
 ftudying and copying the acla diurua of an eminent 
 
 modern hiftorian. Dr. Hurd has proved the 
 
 marks of imitation to be fo equivocal, that I mail 
 
 not 
 
 f The provoft feems to have borrowed this idea from an 
 an ancient Medallion found at Herculaneum, of which we have 
 given a copy at the head of this number.
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 155 
 
 not prefume to fpeak decifively on this fubjedl ; but 
 to me the account appears clearly to be written (to 
 ufe the language of painting) con amore, and in the 
 very left manner of a certain well-known and face- 
 tious Journalift *. 
 
 Thefe are fame of the remarkable paj/ages of this 
 ivork. If any thing has been interpolated, let the in- 
 terpolation be ftated \ if any thing that ought to have 
 been mentioned has been emitted, let the cmijfion be 
 ftated. Students may be arnufed, but, I hope, will not 
 le mijled by Jucb a model of compojltion as that which 
 has been now exhibited to them. 
 
 STULTIFEX ACADEMICUS. 
 
 No. 28. Friday, January 27, 1775. 
 
 Exemplar vitiis imitablle. H o R , 
 
 TO THE PRINTER OF THE HIBERNIAN JOURNAL. 
 SIR, 
 
 AS this is the firft time I have addre/Ted you, 
 though you have written fo many letters to 
 me, I hope you will afford a place in your paper 
 to a very few lines on a fubjeft, which at prefent 
 feems to engage the attention of the publick ; I mean 
 
 the 
 Mr. George Faulkner.
 
 1^6 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 the conduft and writings of a certain right honour- 
 able gem'man ; each of which having been entirely 
 mifunderitood, I beg leave to fet people right about 
 them. 
 
 It has been very induftrioufly given out that he 
 folicited and accepted the provoftfhip in order to 
 ftep from thence to the chancery bench ; but no- 
 thing, I am confident, was farther from his thoughts. 
 The truth is, it was merely by way of expe- 
 riment, and for the encouragement of literature, 
 that, like my old friend, Berkley, J he thus bung 
 himfelf up in the eye of the publick. But indeed 
 the joke has been carried rather too far; and as the 
 poor gem'man feems to be tired of his elevation, 
 and to wifh himfelf on the ground again, common 
 humanity obliges me (though we are not on the 
 moft friendly terms) to lend him a hand, and to 
 help to cut him down. This gem'man, every body 
 knows, was always fond of pretty fpeeches, and 
 has alfo a knack at compolition. Now he could not 
 but have obferved, that the university in this king- 
 dom, though it has fent out fome very learned 
 men, is very deficient in both thefe particulars, not 
 having produced more than two or three authors 
 
 in an age. By thrujiing himfelf, therefore, into 
 
 a ftation, for which the whole tenour of his life and 
 ftudies had rendered him eminently unqualified, he 
 knew he mould roufe the indignation of every flu- 
 dent in the univerfity ; and he had not, I fuppofe, 
 forgot what fome old poet or other fays facit in- 
 
 dignatit. 
 J. The bifhop of Cloyae.
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 157 
 
 dlgnatio verfus. It was merely , therefore, to encou- 
 rage compaction, that he climbed up to his prefent 
 elevation ; and all his violent proceedings, fince he 
 was invefted with his prefent office, were clearly 
 with the fame view and does he not appear as 
 confummate a politician in this, as in every other 
 aft of his life ? Did any fcheme ever fucceed bet- 
 ter ? He has imped the wings of many promifing 
 young writers, and taught them to foar to heights 
 that they never would othervvife have afpired to. 
 Even me, he has made flowery though, to own 
 the truth, I never was very fond of flowers and 
 
 fine fpeeches fo that the railers againft him are 
 
 exceedingly miftaken j for while they think they 
 are degrading him, he is laughing in his fleeve, 
 and rejoices to find that he has, in a fliort time, 
 and in his own perfon, giving greater encourage- 
 ment to competition than all the premiums that ever 
 were dillributed in the univerfity. 
 
 The writings of this gem'man have been as much 
 mifunderftood as his conduct. One Dr. Ltnvth, I 
 am told, has written a very clever grammar on a 
 new plan, illuftrated by examples of what people 
 ought to avoid. The ingenioufnefs of the idea 
 ftruck the provoft ; and he thought he could not by 
 any method promote his favourite fcheme fo well, 
 as by exhibiting in one view to the young gem'men 
 under his care Jtriking examples of every illegitimate 
 mode of expreffion that the Englifh language af- 
 iords. This is the true origin of his Account of the 
 
 regulations
 
 i S 8 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 regulations made in Trinity College fince his appoint' 
 ment to the office of provoft* Inftead, therefore, of 
 lefTening his reputation, by enumerating the mif- 
 takes and inaccuracies of that admirable work, Stul- 
 tifex Academicus, and the other gibers, who have 
 criticifed that performance, have in faft ere&ed one 
 more trophy to his fame. 
 
 Tho' I have not I muft own, any great affedtion for 
 him, yet at the fame time I am fo defirous that the 
 true charatter and dejtgns of this gem'man mould be 
 known and underftood, that I mall add a few more 
 inllances of premeditated inaccuracy to thofe which 
 have already been laid before the publick. 
 
 ' This will for the future be prevented by a re- 
 *' gulation propofed by the provoft, and adopted 
 ** by the board, obliging the batchelors to attend 
 " the leclures directed for that profeffion for which 
 " they have declared, and punilhing them for not 
 *' attending, or for negligence, by private admo- 
 " nifliment for the offence of the firft term, public 
 " admonilhment for the fecond, and removal from 
 " the college for the third" [Some Account, ffc. 
 page 6.] 
 
 That is, for the fecond offence of the firft time, 
 and for the third offence of the fame term alas ! 
 poor Hillary ! What unpardonable offence haft thou 
 committed ? However, this extraordinary feverity 
 is compenfated by a fuitable relaxation afterwards 
 
 for
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 159 
 
 for from this paragraph we may fairly conclude, 
 that during the other three terms a continued jubilee 
 is to be kept. 
 
 " The improvement of the undergraduate courfe, 
 and obliging the batchelors in their refpedtive lines 
 cfftudies to attend the profeflbrs of thofe branches 
 to which they are to apply, will form as complete a 
 fyjiem of education as any in Europe." [Some Ac- 
 count, &c. p. 8.] 
 
 This paffage is fufficiently illuftrated by Italicks. 
 
 " He has fliut up all accefs diredly from the 
 " town to the college park, which had become a 
 " common walk, and frequently for company of 
 " the loweft and worft kind, and nvas made a cem- 
 " mon pa/fage." [Some Account, &c. p. 8.J 
 
 There is no one, I believe, who would not have 
 been ftruck by the extraordinary manner in which 
 the latter words printed in Italicks, are connected 
 with the foregoing, if a fimilar arrangement had 
 not occurred in the preceding paragraph " The 
 '* provoft has propofed and the board has agreed to 
 " the creeling new buildings, which will form a 
 " fquare, each fide of which will be about two 
 " hundred and twenty feet in length ; and three 
 "Jtdes of it will be new j this is to be begun imme- 
 " diately." Ibid. 
 
 Indeed
 
 160 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 Indeed the provoft cannot claim any original me- 
 rit in thus tacking an appendix to a paragraph after 
 it has been fairly clofed ; his facetious prototype 
 having been long admired for a fimilar arrangment. 
 
 " He has ordered that the roll fhould be called 
 " but once, and that on the firft morning only, and 
 " to be finifhed before eight o'clock." [Some Ac- 
 count, &c. p. 10.] 
 
 So that on tbefecond morning the roll may with 
 great propriety be called twice ; whereby lefs time 
 will be confumed by this idle ceremony than for- 
 merly. 
 
 If the feveral paflages that I have now cited were 
 not written with the beft intention and for the pur- 
 poie of warning the young gem'man of the univer- 
 fity againft writing inaccurate or inelegant Englifh, 
 I mould be extremely glad to be informed for what 
 purpofe they were intended. 
 
 OLD SLY-BOOTS. 
 
 No. 29,
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 161 
 
 No. 29, Monday, January 30, 1775. 
 
 Numquid nos agimus caufas ? civilia jura, 
 Novimut ? aut ullo ftrepitu fora vsjira motemm f 
 
 Juv, 
 
 MEMOIRS OF THE LIFE AND SURPRISING AD- 
 VENTURES OF MRS. COLLEGE. 
 
 MRS. COLLEGE was a comely lady, of a 
 refpeclable family, good reputation, and 
 opulent cifcumftances. She had confiderableeitatesj 
 but the moil valuable and dignified of her pofleffions 
 was an endowed free-fchool, which me managed by 
 affiftant-mafters and ufhers, under the infpeclion of 
 a principal appointed by the king, and held on con- 
 dition of marrying the principal for the time being. 
 This lady's firft hufband was Frank Bluf, f a fwag- 
 gering, tearing, curfing, fwearing, merry, witty, 
 racketting, rakehelly, eating, drinking, laughing, 
 fhrewd, fenfible, cunning fellow, who loved his 
 friend, his bottle and his miftrefs j yet always had 
 
 f The late doftorF-
 
 i6z P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 an eye to bufinefs, and mixed a proper portion of 
 utile with his duke : With all his faults, Frank 
 was good-natured and good-humoured except 
 when he was contradicted ; then, to be fure, he, 
 would throw the tables and forms about the fchool 
 room, and rap out an oath or two ; but fuch was 
 the livelinefs of his wit, the open cordiality and 
 endearing, communicative jollity of his manner, 
 that every body liked him ; and his comrades 
 would often fay, that " Frank Bluff was a comical 
 dog a damned honeft fellow." 
 
 When Mr. Bluff died, there were many candi- 
 dates for the fchool, and (of courfe) fuitors to the 
 widow. The good lady was not much affli&ed at 
 her lofs, as Frank had been too much a man of 
 pleafure to make a tender hufband ; me exprefled, 
 however, a decent forrow j her weeds were becom- 
 ing, and her behaviour exemplary, as the handfome 
 and unexpected jointure which he left her demand- 
 ed. The widow had no objection to a fecond 
 
 match ; but the additional tenure by which me was 
 to keep the fchool, as-it precluded choice, diftreffed 
 her : me feared his majefty and me might differ in 
 their notions of a proper principal for the fchool, 
 and fometimes refolved to give up all pretences to 
 it, and retire, with the man of her choice, to con- 
 tent and a cottage ; but her friends over- ruled fuch 
 idle, romantick notions, and obliged her to accept 
 the hand of Mr. Jack Prance, attorney, who was no- 
 minated principal of the fchool on account of his 
 
 fcilijj
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 163 
 
 fkill in fencing and korfemanjbip, which recommend- 
 ed him to the notice of a minijlerial foldier \ efpeci- 
 ally as Mr. Prance promifed to be as great a difcipli- 
 narian in the capacity of a fchoolmafter, as his mili- 
 tary patron, ihsfecrefary, was in that of an officer. 
 The nuptials were folemnized in due form. Prance 
 made an affedling fpeech on the occafion, in which 
 he lamented his poor abilities, implored the advice 
 of the afliftant mailers, and engaged to take care of 
 the health and morals of the children, and gave a 
 holiday to the boys, and a treat to the mailers and 
 ufhers at the gridiron and three pigeons. Prance, 
 who, as well as his predeceflbr, had a voice at the 
 parijh veftry, and was (like him) on the commijjion of 
 the peace was as afliduous in doing certain jobs at 
 the veftry or feffions-houfe for Sir Simon Stiffrump 
 the prefident, as that gentleman had been in per- 
 forming fuch fervices for Sir Brandy Bumper, the 
 late lord of the manor. The mafters, ufliers, and 
 head boys of this fchool had a right to eledl two 
 monitors, who were entitled, for a certain term of 
 years, to vote at the parifh veftry. Now, in order 
 to facilitate the aforefaid jobs, thefe gentlemen 
 wimed to fccure the concurrence of the monitors ; 
 and this they propofed to effeft by influencing the 
 electors, and perfuading (or compelling) them to 
 choofe perfons recommended by their principal : 
 their intrigues with the mafters and fcholars, to 
 obtain this favourite aim, were a fource of endlefs 
 complaints, bickerings, heart-burnings, and difcon- 
 tents ; and fome ads of injuftice, infolence, and 
 
 cruelty,
 
 164 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 cruelty, to refraftory individuals, (even in Bluff's 
 time) almoft drove the boys to a barring-out j and 
 it required all his acutenefs and good fenfe to wea- 
 ther the ftorm. 
 
 The eleftion of new monitors approached. 
 
 Prance attached himfelf to dodtor Dilemma, a man 
 of fome learning and abilities of much vanity and 
 prefurnption of inordinate ambition and indecent 
 refentment. This gentleman, by new arguments of 
 his own, endeavoured to lead boys to a right fenfe 
 of implicit obedience, and extort a promife of vot- 
 ing, hap hazard, for whatever candidates their prin- 
 cipal mould offer to their acceptance : but the un- 
 lucky rogues laughed at the poor gentleman, and 
 faid, " they had no notion of buying a pig in a poke, 
 or making their eledlion a game at blindmarfs buff" 
 Our little pedagogue was exceedingly mortified at 
 this infolent difobedience, (as he called it.) Some 
 violent, fome wicked, and very many foolifh and 
 laughable meafures were purfued. The boys were 
 enraged the matters and ufhsrs murmured the 
 good were afflicted, and the mifchievous diverted. 
 Lampoons and pafquinades were ftuck up on the 
 walls of the fchool-room, and the prefs teemed with 
 ballads ; fome of the boys were whipt for finging 
 them, but to no purpofe ; a new ballad was made 
 on that, and the boys roared it louder than any of 
 the old ones. 
 
 Jack, confcious of his abilities, convened the 
 matters and fcholars, in hopes of fetting all to rights 
 
 by
 
 I 

 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 165 
 
 by an oration j and accordingly prepared to mount 
 a table for that purpofe, when dodtor Pompofo ex- 
 claimed, ' In the name of God, Mr. Principal, 
 
 * what are you about ? It might well be deemed 
 ' virulent in me to fuffer you to expofe your feet, fo 
 
 * lately reclaimed from the dominion of the gout, 
 ' to a conflict with the hard table ; let me ferve you 
 ' for a fuggeftum my fhoulders will be foft and 
 
 * warm to them and, I vow to the Lord ! there 
 ' will not be the fmalleft danger of my fuccumbing 
 
 * under your aufpicious weight.' Doftor Pompofo 
 having a tolerable broad back, {looped, and Hap- 
 pening his hands with his own volumes ofthebiftory 
 *f Quagmire, and life of Philip Filch, formed a 
 commodious fuggejtum j on which Jack Prance 
 mounted, and delivered, 
 
 The ORATION of JACK. PRANCE, as it was pro- 
 nounced from the back of DOCTOR POMPOSO. 
 
 " I am happy to addrefs myfelf on a queftion as 
 1 important as any that was ever agitated in this, or 
 ' any aflembly, to/uferior men, gentlemen of your 
 ' diftinguiihed candour, exalted abilities, profound 
 " learning, attention to the duties of your ftation, 
 " integrity, and morals Men who unite the virtues 
 " of the cloyfter and court accurate difciplinari- 
 *' ans accomplifhed courtiers. I am the creature 
 " of your wifdoms. I fpeak not to give, but to 
 " elicit information ; and I hope (without vanity I 
 " fay it) to convince you [all, as dear as the fun at 
 ** noon-day^ that, like a parcel of droning, lazy, 
 
 " weak.
 
 i66 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 " weak, ftupid, fottifli, knavifh dotards, you fcan- 
 " daloufly, malicioufly, falfely, and treacheroufly 
 " deferted, flighted, and betrayed the intereftsofthe 
 " fchool. I have the higheft deference to your opi- 
 " nion, and the greateft efteem for you, gentlemen ; 
 " and affure you, with the moft unfeigned refpcft, 
 " that you are a fet of good-for-nothing blockheads* 
 " Your Park, gentlemen ! every tree, every blade 
 " of grafs in it cries fhame ! Though no lapfe ef- 
 " capes reprehenfion, or eludes notice, you fuffered, 
 " it to be crowded every Sunday with a refort of 
 " diforderly company farters' boys, pick-pockets, 
 " women of the town, maatua-makers, milliners, 
 " fempftrefles, and chamber-maids to the ruin of 
 " the health and morals of young minds, open to 
 " every impreffion, yielding to every infufion. 
 " This evil, this fatal canker, was left for me to 
 " remedy, and I have remedied it. 
 
 " Though you are a fet of people (I aflcrt it 
 " confidentially) as refpeftable, all and every of you, 
 " as any in Europe ; yet there are fome of you 
 " vagabonds, unfit to difcharge the duties and fill 
 " the employment of dean. I have looked out the 
 " honefteft man, and beft difciplinarian, among you, 
 " to be junior dean, and have already reaped many 
 " advantages from his advice and affiftance, and 
 '* hope for more. The natives were formerly very 
 " abfurdly and idly difpofed, according to feniority ; 
 " they are now to be given on a new plan, propof- 
 
 " ed by the dean t approved by me. ift, accord- 
 
 " ing
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 167 
 
 " ing to their voting properly zdly, according to 
 " my hopes of their voting properly 3dly, accord- 
 " ing to the recommendations of my friend, do&or 
 " Dilemma 4thly, according to the connexion be- 
 " tvveen their parents and me and thly, (and 
 " lajily) according to the merits, political and con- 
 " vivial of their refpedlive matters. I am not a&u- 
 " ated in what I fay by ambition or intereftby 
 " little fchemes of electioneering policy. 
 
 " To convince you of my care of the public 
 f< welfare, and the purity of my intentions, you 
 " need not be told, that I intend to build a new 
 " fquare, (to be called Harcourt Square) 700 feet in 
 " length, and 400 in breadth, (as foon as we can 
 " perfuade parliament to give us money for that 
 " purpofe) with an equeftrian ilatue of our glorious 
 " foundrefs in the middle, which will be a great 
 " ornament to this learned feminary. Three dol- 
 " phins of lead mall fpout up water, which ihall 
 <c fall again into an oclagonal fquare bafon of white 
 " marble. The boys in the fchool are 555 ; thofe 
 " that refide are 255 ; the remaining 300 lived in 
 " beer-cellars, tap-rooms, b y-houfes, taverns, 
 " cofFee-houfes, billiard-tables, tennis-courts, and 
 " other highly improper places : I took them all 
 " away from thence, in fpite of the authority of 
 " their fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts, and guar- 
 " dians, as my friend, Mendax, here under my 
 " feet, can teftify ; and for their reception, until 
 * the eredtion of the court aforefaid, I have pro- 
 
 '* vided
 
 168 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 " vided caftles in the air ; the reft, who think 
 ' that too cold a lodging, I (hall take the liberty of 
 billetting, four on a mafter, two on an ufher. 
 ' The calling the roll but once during every exa- 
 
 * mination, is a moft ufeful regulation, on which I 
 1 value myfelf extremely, as it gives an indulgent 
 ' tutor an opportunity of obliging his own pupils 
 
 * in his divifion, by allowing them to abfent them- 
 " felves after the nrft morning, and giving them 
 " credit, and handing over their judgments to the 
 " fenior lefturer, as anfwerers of a whole examina- 
 " tion. 
 
 " All your le&ures have been of very little ufe, 
 " moft of them are of none, particularly divinity 
 " and mathematics, (which I propofe to fuperintend 
 " myfelf) though it is well known they arc filled 
 " with gentlemen as able as any in this or any uni- 
 " verfity ; men of brilliancy of genius, equal to 
 " their depth of learning, ever attentive to the du- 
 " ties of their ftation, clear to elucidate, patient to 
 ** inftruft ; yet tbofe (hairs have been noted all over 
 " Europe for their fhameful inattention to their of- 
 fice, for the little benefit derived from them to 
 thofe -who do not attend them ; this will appear as 
 clear as the midnight fun, when I inform you 
 that there are two clafles of attendants on lec- 
 tures ; carelefs attendants and non- attendants. 
 The abilities of doftor Pompofo, under my feet 
 here, are known, confeffed. He is a fuperior 
 man, his example, his learning, his eloquence 
 
 " (for
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 169 
 
 ' (for he is a very eloquent man) his plea/ing man- 
 ff tiers, his affiduity, and attention, render this chair 
 " the molt refpeftable perhaps in the known world, 
 " nay in Europe. But the dodlor is very ill qualified 
 " for the duties of his employment, and his affiftant 
 " flill worfe, which I propofe to remedy by teach- 
 *' ing them both to read myfelf, and attending as 
 " their affeflbr ; oratory lefture has been very much 
 *' neglefted, owing to the non-attendance or care- 
 " lefs attendance of gentlemen to which, as well as 
 " that of other leftures, I offer thi.s remedy : to 
 " negleft of the firft term, we will give a caution ; 
 *' on that of the fecond we will beftow an admonifh- 
 " ment ; and the confequence of the third negletSt 
 " fhall be removing from the fchool ; and this may 
 " conduce mightily to the peace and good order of 
 " the fchool, by giving me an opportunity of re- 
 " moving refraftory fpirits who let and hinder the 
 " principal in his fchemes ; clap drags on the 
 " wheels of government, and fpill the oil intended 
 " to greafe the wheels and fpririgs of that vaft and 
 " complicated machine. For lectures mail be mul- 
 " tiplied, that it will be morally impoffible ta at- 
 *' tend all, and we will eafily remove the factious 
 " and feditious for non-attendance. I intend to 
 " give premiums to all forts of kttures - t they are a 
 " deferring fet of people and Ihould be encouraged ; 
 " befides, I can by this means multiply the incen- 
 " tives to pliability^ and convey little douceurs to 
 " gentlemen that cultivate me properly ; under the 
 " name of Hebrew, Greek, Divinity, Hiftory, Ora- 
 I *' tory
 
 170 PRANCERIANA, 
 
 ** tory Premiums. I am not a little proud of this 
 '* hit : the attendants on fome of thefe le&ure 
 " have long been encouraged by premiums ; I was 
 ' the firft who invented giving them to leSures 
 tf tbemfelves. Difcipline is the nerve and finew of 
 " government ; to promote it, I propofe (with your 
 " approbation) to ereft a ducking chair, and dig a 
 deep bafon of water for that machine to play in. 
 * This will alfo conduce to the health of the boys, 
 "by giving them an opportunity of bathing, 
 *' fwimming, and amufing themfelves with dog and 
 duck, and fuch literary and elegant recreations. 
 " I propofe to build a fencing Ichool, fifty foot by 
 " thirty in the clear j and in a field contiguous, 
 " bats feall be creeled to fire pillols at. Thispro- 
 w fefforfhip (though I am confcious of my own ina- 
 " bility) I will, with your permiffion, take on my- 
 " felf, happy if my poor endeavours mall prove fer- 
 " viceable to the place of my early education. I 
 " mean to give a leclure every day ; every gentle- 
 " man will be obliged to attend, as I have felt the 
 " neceffity to every one of a knowledge of the wea- 
 " pom. Premiums of filver-hiltedywcra'/ will be 
 ** given to this lefture. Law lefture, now worth- 
 *' lefs and contemptible, I propofe in a (hort time 
 '" to make exceeding good, by giving the profeffor 
 " advice, afliftance, and inftrudtions ; every boy in 
 ** the fchool fhall attend, as a knowledge of the law 
 w of the land is neceflary to every one. Twice a 
 " week he (hall lefture them in thofe books which 
 *' they do, and once a year examine in thofe which 
 
 " they
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. i 7I 
 
 " they do not read ; premiums fhall be given to 
 
 "their anfwering out of both. I myfelf will at- 
 
 " tend, infpeft, and preleft occafionally. This 
 
 " will be a vaft faving of money to the kingdom ; 
 
 " templars need only be three months in the year in 
 
 " England to fave the terms ; the conftant failing 
 
 " to and fro will be excellent for their health, and 
 
 " take up time which elfe might be wafted in de- 
 
 u bauchery ; and I pledge myfelf, by my connec- 
 
 " dons at the other fide the water, and my intereft 
 
 " with the admiralty office, to enfure a fair wind 
 
 from Parkgate to Dublin, or from Dublin to 
 
 Parkgate, on producing a certificate from law 
 
 lecture, 
 
 " For thofe that are apt to be fea-fick, or wifil 
 a (horter paflage, I have prevailed with an in- 
 genious artift, to run a flying machine, drawn 
 by dragons from Dublin to Pargate in half an hour, 
 and propofe to reftgn 2OO/. per annum out of my 
 ownfalary, for maintaining him and his dragons 
 
 * and repairing his chariot Of my intended 
 riding-houfe J have fpoke fo often, and fo fully, 
 I have nothing to add, but that I am pleafed 
 with this opportunity of providing for an inge- 
 nious friend, whom I value for his w/V, liberal 
 
 fentimentf, and ehignement from vulgar prejudices. 
 Galen, Paracelfus, Diodorus, Siculus, Varro, 
 Pliny and all the other medical writers are loud 
 in praife of ligneous equitation ; now I intend to 
 prefent each of you, gentlemen, with an eafy 
 I z /te-
 
 i 7 2 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 " fee-fa<w-pad ; an ufeful amufement for a fedentary 
 " man, both for pleafure and health, would be 
 " a ride on one of thefe, of a rainy day : befides 
 " a happy union of the Roman lyrick's utile and 
 " dulce*, by prefenting health and inftilling the 
 11 rudiments of the manege ; and I will attend 
 " and give my beft inftrudtions with an eye to 
 " mounting the horfe with grace and agility, and 
 * l fitting him with eafe and firmnefs. I intend 
 " to provide a large field for athletick exercifes, 
 " foot-ball, goff, cricket, and hurling ; (which my 
 "fan tells me are praftifed at Eton.) I propofe to 
 " ereft a tennis-court, a ball-yard and a {kittle 
 " ground, which I hope will endear me to the 
 " younger members. I propofe to have a profeflbr 
 " of dancing ; (Mr. Michel that teaches my Chil- 
 " dren ; a man of fignal abilities) to give dan- 
 " cing premiums and oblige all the boys to at- 
 " tend dancing leftures. I will build an unifer- 
 *' fity ball-room for balls once a week, under my 
 " own infpeftion, and that of the two deans. 
 *' Of my profeflbrs of modern tongues, French, 
 " Italian, Dutch, German, Solecifmic and Otaheite, 
 " you have been often told. All thefe amufements 
 41 will endear the fchool to the boys, and prevent 
 *' their mitchinj; in queft of amufement, efpecially 
 * when ray theatre is built, and we aft publick- 
 " private plays. I imagine there then will be no 
 4i defire to ilrole into town to the play houfes. I 
 "alfo mean to f^t up a common room, with tea, 
 coffee, pipes and news papers ; and wiih a view 
 
 " to
 
 PRANCERIANA. 173 
 
 " to make this entertainment elegant and inftruc- 
 " tive, I wrote my Moderators to raife the ftyle 
 " of news-paper effays. As many of our ftudents 
 " may be called hereafter to feats in the higher or 
 " lower houfe of parliament, this will be a moft 
 " important inititution ; they will go from us, 
 " not unacquainted with the interefls, not carelefs 
 " of the conftitution of their country, by imbibing 
 " political rudiments with their coffee, and dc- 
 " bating queftions of national import at their 
 " meetings ; and for the furthering thofe purpofes, 
 *' I pledge myfelf to write once a week in fome of 
 " the publick papers, and that I may promote fo 
 " great a national benefit, I will attend myfelf, 
 " and preleft in politicks. 1 intend to give compo- 
 " fition-premiums ; I am fure you will allow my 
 " plan for that purpofe as ingenious, as it is novel. 
 " On the Irifh rebellion, Gunpowder plot, King 
 " Charle's rcftoration, the King's birth day, de- 
 " clamations have been patched up, or copied 
 " traditionally from archetypal compilations. 
 
 " I intend to give premiums, firft, to all the 
 
 " ancient hereditary fpeeches j and when they 
 " are provided for, all the graduates that pleafe 
 " may fend in fpeeches ; the beft to be felefted, 
 " fpoken and get premiums. This, I prefume, 
 " will be an encouragement to compofition, as 
 ' great as ever was attempted in any univerfity 
 " in any kingdom. Firft the novelty of the fub- 
 " jeft will call forth abilities, and give an eclat 
 " and luftre to the compofuion. Secondly, the 
 
 " fubjefts
 
 174 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 " fubje&s arc the finefl that ever agitated on 
 oratory genius, in this or any kingdom. Thefe 
 " different fubjecls will call forth the different ftyles 
 " and colours of eloquence. The rebellion and 
 " the plot will exercife the inveaive and the pathe- 
 " tic ; the reftoration and the birth-day, the 
 " diffufive, the magnificent and the panegyrical i 
 " Ib here we (hall have all the provinces of the 
 " compleat orator ; as enumerated by Tully in 
 *' his traft de oratore, which I intend to make all 
 " our young gentlemen read, efpecially panegyrick, 
 11 the moft ufeful to the orator and indeed to every 
 " body, as my Lord Chefterfield, in his invalua- 
 " ble, and never enough to be ftudied letters tells 
 " us. I propofe, to give young gentlemen a proper 
 " notion of the graces, to introduce Lord Cheiter- 
 " field into our courfe ; he may be read together 
 " with Xenophon's oeconomics, and will make 
 " a fine fyftem of domeftick management. Xeno- 
 " phon's oeconomics is my favourite volume ; my 
 " houftiold is regulated by his plan. 
 
 " Lord Chefterfield, in his letters, an inefti- 
 " mable volume that deferves to be wrote in 
 " letters of gold, has fhevvn the importance of 
 *' the graces : thofe attainments are indeed im- 
 " portant ; they are confequential, they are all 
 * in all; To the graces I muft attribute my rife 
 " in the world ; do but mind my graceful parade 
 " when I come into a public place, and you will 
 " own this. They will now be within our pale ; 
 
 " every
 
 PRANCE RIANA. 175 
 
 " every ftudent may reach them. Formerly (and 
 " I beheld it with regret) our youth were compel- 
 " led to range through Europe, to gather thofc 
 " polite endowments, which (if I may ufe the 
 " fimilitude) like a nofegay in the brealt of a beauty, 
 " adorn and finifh the man of fenfe. Now they 
 " bloom like domeftick rofes in our own garden, 
 " every youth that pleafes may pluck them. 
 
 " My fchemes extend ftill further : the profef- 
 " for of mufick has been hitherto a mere finecure. 
 " I propofe, with your affiflance, to make it aa 
 " adlive, an ufeful office, by appointing an able 
 " afliftant with a competent felary. Leclures 
 " fhall be read twice, Solos performed once a week,. 
 " with a mufick prele&ion and grand concert once 
 " a month. Thus the tafle for Italian Mufick, for. 
 " which gentlemen were obliged to travel,, may 
 '< be had for a finall expence of time and money 
 at home. Thefe attainments may be a means 
 " of bringing into the world gentlemen of deep 
 * learning but mallow finances, who chocfe ta 
 " embark as private tutors ; by enabling them to 
 " aft as matters of languages, to teach the young 
 *' gentlemen the Manege, and fkill in their weapons ; 
 " the young ladies of the family to dance and play 
 " the Guitar and Harpfichord. This, gentlemen, 
 " is a great, it is a national advantage ; it will, 
 " if I may ufe the metaphor, lay the axe to the 
 " root of the expenfive folly of vifuing foreign 
 " countries. The conference will be, the future 
 
 "and*
 
 176 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 " and fuperior accompliihinents of the next ge- 
 " neration ; the prefent faving of money to the 
 " kingdom, and the merit of this I muft (it is 
 " a virtuous vanity) take to myfelf. Yes, I own 
 " I look forward with tranfport to the completion 
 " of my fchemes, and confider myfelf as a na- 
 " tional benefactor. To complete all thefe my 
 " fchemes, I propofe to encreafe the College reve- 
 ** nue, by refufing fines, letting the leafes run 
 " out, and fetting the lands to the younger 
 " bradches of my family. The father of many 
 " children is a benefaftor to the publick ; I look 
 " with pleafure on my numerous progeny, as 
 " it gives a hope of fupplying you out of my 
 " own family with fellows, who will read 'Thu- 
 " eydides and be fine difciplinarians ; and with 
 ' pundlual tenants. This want of the ufual fine* 
 " may be a prefent diftrefs, but no gentleman will 
 " yield to, or be influenced by fuch reflections, 
 *' when your prefent diftrefs and diminution of 
 " income leads to the future opulence of your 
 *' fucceflbrs, and a comfortable provifion for my 
 " younger children. I afl'ure you, little Abraham, 
 " my fon, con/trues Demofthenes and Arirtotle's 
 " poeticks at fight already ; I hope and'trult he 
 " will one day be your tenant. The policy that 
 " bounds all in the narrow centre of felf, is bafe, 
 ** is low ; you to ufe Mr. Pipe's fublime attufwn, 
 tf will expand it till it embraces all human kind. 
 " I have wrote down thefe things in a fmall trafl 
 *' which the junior boys (hall read with their logick, 
 
 "and
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 177 
 
 ' and my learned and elegant friend's do&rine of 
 " dilemmas. I have fent it to Oxford and Cam- 
 " bridge, that thofe learned feminaries may fee a 
 ' younger lifter fecting them an example of new arts 
 " and attainments, dignified as they are important, 
 " All my cares, my labours, facrificing my reputa- 
 " tion, my health, my time and eafe, calling boards 
 " and making fpeeches, writing in newfpapers and 
 " enditing pamphlet*, have been for the publick 
 " good ; let public juftice be their reward." Here 
 Jack defcended from the roftrum, and was called on 
 an important occalion ; what that was will appear 
 in the next chapter. 
 
 No. 30. Wednefday, February i, 1775. 
 Dat went am c orvis ; <vexat cenfura c dumb as. Juv. 
 TO THE PRINTER OF THE HIBERNIAN JOURNAL. 
 
 SIR, 
 
 I Appeal to your candour and that of the publick, 
 in defence of our injured and calumniated Pro- 
 voil. His own pen (I am confcious) is amply fuffi- 
 cient for the taflcj yet, if my toils can fave to the 
 publick even a few of the valuable moments, which 
 mould all be facred to the accompli fli men t of the 
 I 5 many
 
 178 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 many great and extenfive plans which our learned 
 head has projected for the improvement of the col- 
 lege, I fhall not have laboured in vain ; be that as 
 it may, this weak difplay of good-will muft be fer- 
 viceable to me, as it will be not unplealing to the 
 provoft ; forfan ff beec olimmeminiffejuvabit. His gra- 
 titude to real friends has been fhewn in obtaining a 
 fnug benefice for Doctor Dilemma, whofe politenefs 
 and politics will one day obtain and adorn a mitre. 
 Your facetious correfpondent, Stultifex, has called 
 our provoft whofe abilities, it muft be owned, are of 
 the very firft magnitude) a man-mountain; if he is a 
 man-mountain, there are not wanting virulent pig- 
 mies, malignant little medlers, who divert them- 
 felves and the publick by running their tiny lances 
 up his noftrils. Dear fir, confider the confequences 
 of fuch envenomed publications. With the atten- 
 tion to fame, and nice fenfibility infeparable from 
 refined fpirits, the Provoft perufes tlje public papers, 
 and agonizes when they contain invective. I can 
 afiure you (from the beft authority) that wicked 
 Stultifex coft the poor gentleman a fit of the gout, 
 confined him to his bed, and robbed the college of 
 the advantages which it would have derived from a 
 conference on oratory and compofition, which was 
 appointed tor kit Wednefday, but unhappily pro- 
 rogued by Stultifex. The chain of reaionings in 
 his laborious and eloquent little pamphlet, has been 
 mifreprefented and called an argument non ad idem. 
 What Itrange confufion of ideas? or, rather, what 
 affefted dulnefs could inifapprehend the drift of that 
 
 performance?
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 179 
 
 performance ? Fa&s, that is, promijes were col- 
 le&ed (but his promifes are fafts) and from a ftate 
 of them every reafon able man might fee, whether 
 the college had or had not received any benefit or 
 improvement lince the appointment of the prefent 
 provoft. Men might fee what had been done (that 
 is, premifed) in fix months, and judge what might 
 be performed in years to come ; and furely every 
 grateful, every wife man would readily draw the 
 conclufion , if this man has laboured fo abund- 
 antly (in idea] for the good of the college, and 
 promifes to labour yet more ; indulge him (in gra- 
 titude for the paft, in hope of the future) indulge 
 him in returuing the men of his choice, ' This, 
 ' gentlemen (he would fay) the firft requeft I ever 
 'made you, is a mere trifle; what is it. to you,. 
 
 * Doftor, or you, or you who fits in the fenate 
 ' houfe ? Studious men mould not leave their books 
 ' to meddle with politicks; and therefore govern-- 
 ' ment wifely fets political men over them, who will 
 
 * think for them all, and furnifh them with political 
 'opinions ready made to their hands.'Siuttifex 
 has enlarged on inaccuracies of flyle (as he is pleafed 
 to think them) with malicious triumph;, but I 
 would afk him, whence are the rules of the epopee- 
 derived, but from the poems of Homer ? Rules 
 aie ever collected from the practice ef the fuccefs- 
 ful ; and exalted fpirits are born to create rules, 
 not to obey them. Confider what reputation for 
 eloquence our provoft has acquired, and what wealth 
 he has araaffed by his pleadings ; and deny if you 
 
 dare, .
 
 i8o P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 dare, his being entitled to new-model our language, 
 and eitablifh a dialect of bis own, by introducing 
 Prancerifms, and coining new modes of diclion, or 
 even degrees of comparijon. There is one grofs mif- 
 take, which mews the ignorance and dulnefs of this 
 would-be critic ; I mean his reprefenting the pro- 
 voft, as creeling a weekly number of chapels. 
 What head but his own would have conceived the 
 poflibility of fuch a thing ? Were fach a number 
 of chapels to be weekly raifed, where would the 
 provoft find room for the pious labours of his hands ? 
 Firft, they would block up our courts, then over- 
 fpread the park, and at laft fill up the ftreets and 
 lanes of the city, and leave no room for other ne- 
 ceffary buildings ; fo that perhaps we mould fee 
 the college chapels prefented as a nuifance by the 
 Dublin Grand Jury, or an ac~l of parliament paffed 
 to prevent the unlawful encreafe of chapels. He 
 muil be a devil of a. provoft indeed, who raifes cha- 
 pels Pandaemonium-like with the fwiftnefs of an 
 exhalation. The appearance of our chapel lighted 
 up for evening fervice in 'winter, ever recalled to 
 my mind the lines of Milton : 
 
 From the arched roof 
 
 Pendent, by iubtle magic, many a row 
 Of ftarry lamps, with blazing creflets fed 
 Of Naptha and Afphalt us , yielded light 
 As from a &.y.- 
 
 Perhap?
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A; 181 
 
 Perhaps the fmart obferver took his hint from 
 thence, and meant to infinuate a limilitude be- 
 tween our governor and the diabolical builder of 
 Pandaemonium. Stultifix (who ought ra'ther to be 
 called Stuhus] fays he is a ftudent of our college : 
 Now, gentlemen, if I can convift him of falfe- 
 hood in this aflertion, the publick will know in 
 
 what degree of credit to hold his teftimony 
 
 What ! a ftudent of our college, and not know the 
 meaning of terms with which every Irifhman is ac- 
 quainted; chapels and tardies are terms, which 
 (though barbarous and inlignificant to Grangers) 
 ferve college people well enough for communica- 
 tion, which (as Mr. Locke obferves) is the great 
 end of language ; they are among the terms of 
 art, of which every trade or myftery hath a fet pe~ 
 culiar to itfelf. The provoil's ufe of them, far from 
 being a reproach to him, I think reflects the higheft 
 honour on him, as it fhews fuch an attention to the 
 duties of his ftation, that he has made himfelf maf- 
 ter of all the cant words that are current in the col- 
 lege, and ufes them as pertinently as if he had been 
 provoft from his cradle ; and I allure you, gentle- 
 men, the acquifition of this knowledge has coll him 
 many a weary hour, and encroached many a time on 
 the bufinefs of the Four-courts. It is hardly credible 
 with what indefatigable affiduity this injured gen- 
 tleman has laboured to qualify himfelf for his pre- 
 fent employment ; he has toiled like a horfe, with 
 the affiftance of Dr. Porfayeth, (who has a diftin- 
 guifhed character as a difciplinariari) to define the 
 
 magnitude
 
 182 PRANCERIANA 
 
 magnitude and afcertain the number of chapels, to 
 fearch into the caufes and remedies of tardies, and 
 explore the fundamental principles and practice of 
 night rolls. Permit me now, gentlemen, no lay 
 before you a few of the principal regulations for 
 which the college is indebted to the prefent provoft 
 for this purpo.e. 
 
 I fliall obferve firft, how all offences have been 
 inveftigated with the ftri&eft attention, infomuch, 
 that by the induftry and ingenuity of our 'worthy 
 provo/l, many new crimes have been difcovered, 
 which are not fo much as named in the ftatutes, and 
 which no one fufpefted to be offences, until his 
 ufeful labours pointed out the difcovery. zdly, the 
 provoft has propofed, and the board has agreed to the 
 erefting of new buildings, which will form a 
 /quare, each fide of which will be about 220 feet 
 in length, and three fides of it will be new, and 
 this is to be begun immediately. The fourth fide 
 will not be new, but old buildings built quite new, 
 on the very beft plan of ruins now extant. The art. 
 of building ruins has been brought to a high pitch 
 in thefe days. Among other monuments of his ge- 
 nius, the provoft propoles to give an inftancc of his 
 tafte for that ftyle of architecture, by making one 
 fide of his intended new fquare a venerable eld 
 ruin. He, as a praftiied improver, well knows 
 what a delightful termination to a vifto is afforded 
 by a ruin. Perhaps in \bzfield which is to be pro- 
 vided for the exercifes of the youth, when it can 
 
 be
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 183 
 
 be done with convenience, he may plant a dark walk, 
 which will end in his ruin. Oxford and Cam- 
 bridgeare full ofGothick fpires, chapels, cathedrals, 
 and other ancient edifices, which, by filling the 
 mind with a religious awe, and difpofing it to fe- 
 rious meditation, contribute not a little to the fu- 
 perior learning and poetical genius, which it muft 
 be owned are difplayed at thefe univerlities. Some- 
 thing of the fame kind is wanting to give our uni- 
 verfity that gloomy folemnity fo proper in a feat of 
 learning, and fo well fitted to excite philofophical 
 mufings ; and this great defeft will foon be reme- 
 died by our intended ruin. 3dly, Nothing is fo 
 commendable in the head of a learned feminary as 
 an attention to the duties of religion. The provoft, 
 with grief obferved, that the number of chapels in 
 a week was fhamefully diminiihed ; and, to re- 
 ftore a commendable fpirit of devotion in the uni- 
 verfity, the provoft has propofed, and the board at 
 his inftance agreed, that the great bell fhall be 
 tolled for early prayers ; the little bell was former- 
 ly employed on this fervice, and found infurHcient, 
 fuch was the drowfinefs of the young gentlemen. 
 It is now hoped that many whom neither a fpirit 
 of devotion, nor the clamours of their college wo- 
 men, can fummon from their beds, may be roufed 
 to their duty by the thunders of the great bell ; 
 and left thefe good intentions mould be defeated 
 by the careleflhefs and lazinefs of the college do- 
 meftics, the provoft (whofe eye, like thefun, is every 
 where) conftantly attends in per/on to fee the great 
 
 bell
 
 184 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 bell tolled, and often afllfts in tolling it with his 
 own hands. An unlucky accident happened lately 
 atone of thefe morning exercifes: Our poor pro- 
 voft's leg was caught in the loop of the bell-rope ; 
 
 and he was now borne aloft to the cieling then 
 
 plunged down and dafhed againft the floor in- 
 
 fomuch, that if it had not been for the folidity of 
 his head, or for a warm red night-cap which he 
 wore, his brains muft inevitably have been dafhed 
 out. 4thly, To complete his fcheme for the en- 
 couragement of religion, the provoft has devifed a 
 new expedient- which is to give premiums to fix 
 jclock chapels, which will be an effectual means of 
 encouraging (as he fays) thofe diligent youths. 
 Thefe, gentlemen, are fafts. Malevolent writers 
 have torn a refpeftable character to pieces : be it 
 my part to reunite the mangled limbs. 
 
 MARTINUS SCHOLASTICUS. 
 
 No.
 
 PRANCERIANA. 185 
 
 No. 31. Friday, Febuary 3, 1775. 
 
 PLUT. in ANT. 
 
 TO HIPPARCHUS. 
 
 fT F, in the prcfent elevation of military fame 
 JL (doubly dear from novelty) the voice of your 
 
 friend can reach you, receive the congratulations of 
 Cbaridemus, on the encreafe of your renown, and 
 the fafety of your perfon : he as little hoped an 
 addition to the former, as a hazard of the latter ; 
 but it is the fludy of the generous Hipparckus, to 
 gratify all his friends, who love to rail or to laugh, 
 with fubjefts beyond the meafure of their wifhes, 
 and furprife them daily with fomething which 
 ftartles belief, and fhames invention. You poffefs 
 O Hipparchus ! that noble boldnefs and prompti- 
 tude of corruption, which rufh on through the cla- 
 mours and curfes of men without hefuation or fear ; 
 and perpetually make the lail crime a Hep to a 
 greater ; that happy alertnefs of foly forever butt- 
 ling 
 
 f This paper appeared foon after the provoft had fought 
 with William Doyle, Efy
 
 186 p R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 ling to difplay itfelf ; and that noble enterprize of 
 indifcretion for ever in queft of fome undifcovered 
 region of abfurdity. Men void of principle and ve- 
 racity are too apt to imagine that this want renders 
 them confummate politicians ; you have felt that 
 they fatally deceive themfelves ; perfidy and falf-~ 
 hood, with prudence and temper, are powerful j 
 you havefelf that without them they are weak and 
 unmanageable inftruments Had a comick writer 
 invented fuch a feries of tranfaftions as your's, and 
 defcribed fuch a ridiculous defpotijm, burlefque pomp, 
 and beggarly parade of learning and abilities, we 
 fhould have condemned the pleafantry as inor- 
 dinate, the delineation as overcharged. Had the 
 fatirical traveller made a governor of the literary 
 ftate in Lagado, a projector of gaudy days, an erec- 
 tor of riding-houfes ; had he given him orations on 
 any thing or nothing, folemnly read from notes 
 deliberately written and publications of anonymous 
 fophiftry in anfwer to anonymous charges ; had he 
 introduced him fummoning his council, and when 
 they, were fuppofed buiy in fettling fome weighty 
 point of learning or morals, fetting them to confttue 
 the afterifks and fill up the blanks of the morning 
 fcribbler, to contrive or refute newfpaper invectives, 
 and then (to compleat the ridicule) to cenfure the 
 readers of them ; had he conducted this man (of 
 whom it was faid he had one of the peaceful vir- 
 tues, he was patient of injuries a patience the 
 more meritorious from his uindiRi've nature,) to a 
 
 field
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 187 
 
 field of battle in his old age, and killed in (ingle 
 combat; wefhould have condemned the humour as 
 forced, the character as unnatural ; and rejoiced in 
 
 the conclufion of the tale. You are a benefactor 
 
 to the ftage ; you have added one to the ftock of 
 comick characters. Your kindnefs to thefatirift is 
 not lefs fignal ; you know what pleafure he receives, 
 when the object of his invective feels the blow : you 
 do not merely feel, you agonize under the touch ; 
 your conduct invites the attack, and your trembling 
 fenfibility affures his aim. To compleat your kind- 
 nefs, it is not an amiable pity-moving lenfibility, 
 that might awaken remorfe in him that wounds it, 
 or fix on him the charge of cruelty ; it is the/en/i- 
 bility of j'nails and toads that emit (in impotence of 
 fpite) frothy filth or venom, while they fhrink from 
 the wound. Nothing can give more pleafure to the 
 virtuous, than guilt, by ridiculous fenfibility, ren- 
 dered its own fcourge ; except it be a corrupt man 
 and his wicked initruments, defeating pernicious 
 fchemes by their own folly ; while diffimulation be- 
 comes fincerity ; falftiood, by its veracity unifor- 
 mity, and the wheels within wheels of an oppref- 
 five tyranny take fire through the rajknefs of the 
 movers. It feems that the days of fafcination have 
 not yet ceafed, and that fome inchanter, leagued 
 with the enemy of mankind commands his daemon 
 to hover round the head of Hipparchus, and influ- 
 ence his actions. Hence novelty has chaced novelty, 
 propofed, dignified, declaimed on, afTented to, and 
 abandoned ; and folly has tricked her cap with a 
 
 daily
 
 i8S PRANCERIANA. 
 
 daily projeft, fcarcely worn, and given to the wind. 
 Yet, accuftomed as they are to this magnificent ex- 
 hibition of grand abfurdity, your fubje&s were 
 aftoni/hed (much as they well might expecl from 
 your talents) at a late publication, and a later combat. 
 Your enemies taxed you with want of literary abi- 
 lities j men who had never heard your oratory, and 
 only knew it by its fruits, in your aggrandizement, 
 might well have doubted the truth of this charge. 
 You have politely proved its juftice, and publilhed 
 a teft of your abilities, fuch as your bittereft enemy 
 would have dictated. In a late trafi on education t 
 confufion of ideas, ignorance of grammar, blunders, 
 barbarifms, and vulgarities, are accumulated with 
 fuch fkill, that the compofition is beneath an ad- 
 vertiftng mecbanick ; and did not the refemblaace to 
 your ufual ftyle of oratory appear too plainly, might 
 be thought a mean attempt to difgrace you by im- 
 puted nonfenfe. By difperfing this performance, 
 
 however, with your o<wn hands, you have prevented 
 any doubt of its authenticity. Your infinuations 
 to the prejudice of your predeceflbr- your endea- 
 vours to wound the memory of the dead -your 
 pompous difplay of the wonders of fix months 
 your injurious refleclions on the ftate you govern 
 your reprefenting it as funk in floth, depraved by 
 luxury, ignorant of arts, void of difcipline, and 
 carelefs of religion your modeft comparifons be- 
 tween yourfelf and your predeceflbrs'on the throne, 
 (comparifons which the public would have made of 
 itfelf, too foon for your honour) your libellous, 
 
 bafe,
 
 PRANCERIANA. 189 
 
 bafe, and falfe imputations on the members of your 
 council and the public rhetors, conveyed under 
 fawning compliment and fulfome civility, which 
 fhew at once cowardice and malice, the delire and 
 fear to wound all thefe may determine the quali- 
 ties of your heart. The ftab aimed at the expoun- 
 der of the laws is peculiarly envenomed. You in- 
 form the world, that his labours were hitherto uje- 
 lefs ; you promife to aflift and inllrul him in his 
 department. Every man acquainted with our courts 
 of juftice knows what muft be the underftanding 
 and legal knowledge that could really be indebted 
 to your inftrudVions. Your publifhing a libel (that 
 muft roufe the moft unfeeling to refentment, the 
 moft indolent to oppofition) on your council on 
 men whom you wifh to attach to your government, 
 and tt.l&SX jubferwitvt to your meafures, is confident 
 with your charafteriftick petulance, with the fickly 
 peevifhnefs of confcious infamy, with your ungen- 
 tlemanly, indecent infolence, and outrageous, wan- 
 ton infults on fome of your moft refpe&ab.'e 
 fubjefts ; and may determine your character as a 
 politician. Ycur plans (the darling conceptions of 
 your vanity) had been treated with contempt, and 
 called the reveries of ignorance bewildered by power. 
 Men might have fufpecled that the charge was 
 groundleis, or exaggerated. You have fubmitted 
 ichemes, that will aftonifli, provoke, and divert, 
 to the publick ; and men may judge for themfelves. 
 
 They
 
 i 9 o P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 They find, however, one fubjeft for praife in 
 thefe fallies of abfurdity, that they are imperfect 
 and abortive ; they lie like the crude, unformed 
 crawling reptiles, hatched in the mud of Nile ; 
 and not allthe rays ef oratorial fun-fhine fhall ripen 
 them intofnakes and adders. One ftep your friends 
 and enemies wifhed to fpare you the fending 
 a libel on your ftate and your fubjefts to Thebes and 
 Corinth, as if one empire could not afford contempt 
 enough for ravings, which even phrenzy would 
 difeaim. Both your enemies and friends wifhed 
 to hide your fellies within your own kingdom, 
 left they mould become publicly ridiculous, and 
 find a fhare of contempt, reflected to them from 
 the abfurdities of their prince. The good, content 
 with a vain oppofition, blulhed at, and wifhed 
 to conceal their unhappy fituation. The indolent 
 and timid defired to bury meafures, in which they 
 concurred, in eternal filence. The advifer who 
 planned, and the inftrument who fupported bafe 
 or ridiculous meafures, hoped to veil their depra- 
 vity from thepublick, and fink into oblivion with 
 the tyranny they aided : They may thank the 
 pen of Hipparchus for a fhare in his immortality of 
 dijhontur. Muft we attribute a late tranfaftion 
 to a return of the fondnefs you once fhewed for 
 the military profeffion, to the love of abfurdity, 
 or to a fettled plan for ruining the city you 
 govern ? Tt is a new thing under the Sun, to 
 fee the head of a learned city, a guardian of morals, 
 a man appointed to reftrain licentious youth, and 
 
 " recall
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 191 
 
 recall the eager paffions from outrage, againft 
 the laws of man or God openly defying the laws 
 of his country, which his profeffion peculiarly calls 
 on him to maintain, and committing a crime which 
 he is bound, by his office and his oath, to prevent. 
 You have enlarged on the bleflings of your reign, 
 the negligence of your predeceflbrs, the incapacity 
 of your counsellors, the want of difcipline in 
 your dominions ; you furely meant military 
 a late tranfa&ion is fubverfive of all other. The 
 laws of your ftate are fo full and exprefs againft 
 quarrels and fanguinary jollifications, that they do 
 not permit your fubjefts even to wear arms *. 
 We are now more than ever convinced of the 
 wifdom of the tradition, that the fovereign of this 
 country ought to be a prieft. Can the magiftrate, 
 with decency, punifh the fubjeft for the very 
 crime of which the fovereign has been guilty. The 
 man who thought a trifling amufement demanded 
 all the thunders of his inve&ive who ftudied the 
 laws fo diligently, noted down their purport in his 
 cloiet and, in his zeal for morality, and the 
 intereits of religion, read his manufcript to his 
 aflembled fubje&s, pompoufly referred them to the 
 volume at large, dared to infmuate a charge of 
 perjury, and, with a queftion of accufation, afked 
 
 them 
 
 * We find 'a fimilar claufe, in a modern code: Statuimus 
 Sc ordinamus ut nullus praedilorum Armis, &c. in colle- 
 gio aut in urbe utatur. In the fame code, Homicidium vo- 
 luntarium, is numbered among the majora Crimina.
 
 192 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 them if they remembered their oath, J this mau 
 is found in a field of combat, in open defiance of 
 our laws, and of the oath f by which he was 
 
 bound to maintain them. We fliall be told of 
 
 the cuftoms of the world, and the difficulties of your 
 fituation. Duelling is a fatal remedy for the defe&s 
 of law and police ; fometimes neceflary, never lau- 
 dable. This ferocious practice is a fupplement to 
 the laws, and reftrains men from tranfgreflion, 
 by the fear of confequences ; while the brutal, the 
 perfidious, and the difiblute are awed into inno- 
 cence ; and by the prompt vengeance it inflidls, 
 the domeftick virtues, to whofe prefervation the 
 laws could not extend, the decencies, the confi- 
 dences, the refpeftable forbearances, and falutary 
 reltraints of life, are enforced. As the remedy 
 is violent, it mould not be applied, except where 
 the laws have failed to provide redrefs, and the 
 injured perfon would become infamous, lofe his 
 rank in life, intercourfe with his fellow-citizens, 
 happinefs, and perhaps means of exiftence ; where, 
 
 J In the fame code we find a law againft card playing which 
 was originally intended to prevent gaming, but has lately been 
 rigoroufly enforced, in order to deprive the fellows and 
 fcholars of the college of an innocent amufement, and to en- 
 courage drinking. 
 
 f There is a parallel paffage in an oath recited in the fame 
 Code : Statuta huj us Collegii pro virili mea in omnibus fervatu- 
 rum iifque omnibus qua: ex eorum Praefcripto gerentur meum 
 AfTenfum accommodaturum, omnefque & (ingulos, &c. ex 
 iifdem legibus & Statutis fiue ullius Generis aut Conditionis, 
 aut Ferfonarum Refpttlu, gratia aut Odio i eclurum even a Sen.
 
 PRANCE R IAN A. 193 
 
 in ftiort, from the greatnefs of the offence, the 
 neceffity of puniihing, and the filence of the le- 
 giflator, the man returns to a ftate of nature in that 
 inftance. You had none of thefe reafons to juftify 
 your conduft ; and the man is highly criminal 
 in the fight of his country and his God who feeks 
 occafions of fighting, and wantonly draws on him- 
 felf a challenge ; nor is he juftified, by faying, 
 that he was dared to the meeting, he was challenged 
 to the field, if the challenge was drawn on him 
 by his own conduct, his own words ; if the par- 
 ticular occafion was ridiculous, or hiscaufe unjufti- 
 fiable. Men may almoft fecure themfelves from 
 quarrels by an uniform propriety of behaviour, 
 by avoiding injurious words, bafe aftions in private 
 life, and perfidious, oppreflive politics, in publick. 
 Though duelling (and it is a dangerous concefiion) 
 may be thus neceflary to reilrain offences that do not 
 fall under the eye of the law, the occafions fhould 
 be important, and the man mould be one who is 
 free to adl for himfelf, anfwerable Tor his own 
 conduct, and accountable to the world and pofte- 
 rity for a (hare of reputation inherited or acquired. 
 Youths placed at a feat of learning are not free to 
 aft for themfelves j while they continue there, 
 their honour is obedience to the laws ; they are 
 not guardians of their own reputation , they are 
 wards under the governors of the ftate, to whom 
 their parents have committed them in truft. The 
 magiftrates, therefore, are anfwerable for their 
 conduct and their fafety, and bound to prevent 
 K the
 
 i 9 4 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 the extravagance of youthful pa/lion, and reftrain 
 from avenging their own wrongs.men, whofe preci- 
 pitance might find an injury where none was in- 
 tended, whofrom want of experience and judgement 
 might be too much alive to feeling, or too intem- 
 perate in revenging. The power of the magiftrates 
 to perform theic duties is at an end ; the turbu- 
 lent and vindictive will avail themfelves of the 
 example of their chief ; the walls of your city 
 will be fprinkled with blood, and your kingdom 
 become the abode of falfe honour, the groundlefs 
 fufpicion of injury, the cruel jealoufy of reputation, 
 and the fanguinary pique. You were peculiarly 
 culpable, as a recourfe to arms was not not necefTary 
 to the maintenance of your prefent, or advancement 
 to a higher rank ; you rofe to honours and dig- 
 nities, far too high for your birth or abilities, with- 
 out the reputation of courage, perhaps under an im- 
 putation of fhe contrary quality : why then was 
 the military renown, which you found unneceflary 
 to the grandeur of your youth, fought as an orna- 
 ment for your age ? Men of advanced age, peace- 
 able profeffions, tender connections, and exalted 
 ftations, may (and it is expected from them to do 
 it) difcountenance the practice of duelling ; they 
 have already determined their rank in life ; they 
 are not now to fight their way through a turbulenr; 
 encroaching world ; their characters are afcertain- 
 ed ; at leaft the mode of altering them is not csmbat, 
 which will only attract notice, raife clamour^ and 
 be the means of propogating the fcandal it was 
 
 meant
 
 PRANCERIANA. 195 
 
 meant to remove. Age will be in itfelf fufficient to 
 proteft. men from infults if it be irreproachable at 
 prefeht, and if the paft years have been given to 
 virtue, or, at leart, innocence. If life has been di- 
 vided between crimes that claim deteftation, and 
 abfurdities that awaken contempt ; men, however 
 dignified by wealth orjiafion, muft expedl that all 
 who do not depend on their power, or hope from 
 their influence, if ferious, will exclaim if gay, 
 will laugh if virtuous, will detefif. A man whofe 
 whole life has been a feriesof publickinjury, pubhck 
 inability, and publick vanity ; who has uniformly 
 proltituted mean abilities to meaner purpofes j who 
 employs even the moments of relaxation at his <vi//a, 
 when other tyrants fleep, when the narrow heart of 
 the traitor and the tod is fomewhat enlarged by 
 pleafure, and the natural depravity difappears in 
 merriment, to opprefs the weak, to hunt the poor, 
 the ignorant, and the friendleis from their dwellings, 
 by chicane and legal wrong, that he may extend 
 the lawn or grove, and add their little _/&/<& and 
 gardens to the demefne of over-grown, exalted 
 tbjcurity ; whoafpired to the dominion of a learned 
 city, that he might fill it with his abfurdities, villify 
 it by his flanders, (ubvert it by his corrupt influence, 
 muttexpeft publick hatred, publick reproach, pub- 
 lick contempt, and publick ridicule. In vain fliall 
 he difplay his late-ripened autumnal valour, in vain, 
 mail he fcek the mulick of a good name in the report 
 of a piftol ; he fhall find a miferable utility in his 
 abfurdi.ies, (which may fometimes divert the 
 K 2 publick
 
 196 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 publick eye from crimes) and fink to the grave, 
 Hung with the ridicule, covered with the difgracc 
 he merits. 
 
 CHARIDEMUS. 
 
 No. 32. Monday, February 6, 1775. 
 
 Nemo tamenjludiii indignum ferre labor em 
 Cogetur pofthac, neftit quicunque canoris 
 Eloquiutn vocale modis, laurumque memordit \ 
 Hoc agite, O Juvenes : circumfpicit et ftimulat ves 
 Materiamque jlbi duels indulgent ia queerit. Juv. 
 
 MC BREACHAGH'S DECREE. 
 
 NO more mall Grub-flreet lie neglected, wild, 
 Her cellars firelefs, and her roofs until'd ; 
 No more her damps the gaunt declaimer chill, 
 Nor (how'rs thro' chinks on haplcfs bards diftill, 
 Who nought poffefs but rhyming art, or lungs, 
 Who deal in fcrannel pipes, or flippant tongues, 
 With equal merit, tho' unequal lot, 
 To G 1 n, H w d, B 1 r, and S t 
 
 Her
 
 PRANCERIANA. 197 
 
 Her ancient empire, o'er Beotia's plains, 
 Lo ! Dullnefs vindicates, and now regains ; 
 Her chilling mills have ficken'd now the blaze, 
 Whence orient fcience pour'd her golden rays ; 
 In fogs invelop'd Almas turrets fade ; * 
 
 What erft was grand and folid feems a made. 
 Her fav'rite fon the dulky queen commands, 
 To lead 'gainil Almas dome her chofen bands ; 
 Their headlong fury whelms the proilrate walls ; 
 Sbattoge Me Rreagkagh rules the captive halls ; 
 Dei'ponding genius weeps, fcar'd fcience flies, 
 Whiift noife and nonfenfe mount the vaulted fkies ; 
 Vi&oriotH Dullnefs chaunts Me Breaghagb't fame, 
 Sbanoge Me Breagbagb, ftill her darling name. 
 
 Behold the chief, his temples crown'd with bay, 
 Mount?, H>uen!o-like t his throne ! - afierts his fway I 
 Obfequious dunces to his levee crowd, 
 The fawning auditor, the flatt'rer loud : 
 Ben Saddi here attends with fpeftrick leer, 
 And turgid Fur.gui tears the burfting ear; 
 Whilfteach, attentive, hopes a friendly glance, 
 He views his brother-dunce with eyes afkance , 
 The herd by difFrent arts allure his fniiles, 
 (For dunces ever moft excel in wiles) 
 Some whine fubmiffion, others echoing bray, 
 Like parifh clerks refponfive duty pay : 
 Some with loud nonfenfe boldly llorm his grace, 
 Whilft others fap with engineer grimace. 
 His court the chief's glaz'd eyes furvey benign, 
 And b|and he thus declares his great defign ; 
 
 " Let
 
 198 P R A N C E R I A N A, 
 
 " Let all attend my words with hearts elate, 
 Allfmit 'with love of poe/y and prate, 
 Sworn foes of fcience, all my bold compeers, 
 Ye fpeechers, fpouters, mimicks, fonnetteers ; 
 Too long has learning rear'd her haughty throne 
 In this our ifle, and call'd our realm her own ; 
 Too long dift'us'd her bright ufurping flame, 
 And chang'dour old pofleffion to a claim : 
 Since firft Eliza hurl'd the invafive brand 
 Which blaz'd up here, and wide illum'd the land, 
 The foe has tyranniz'd, our efforts vain, 
 Save the fliort triumph of Me Flecknois reign. 
 Now fortune fmiles, all hail th 1 aufpicious hour ! 
 Th' expiring embers own oar chilling pow'r ; 
 Oppofing legions fhun th' unequal fight, 
 And fly, bewilder'd in impervious night ; 
 To me hereditary right infures 
 This throne I govern to obey is yours: 
 For know (fuch potent dullnefs* fage decree) 
 Me Flecknois fpirit tranfmigrates in me ; 
 Then hear my high behefts The bardwhofe fong 
 In fmootheft numbers only glides along, 
 Too foft the leaft emotion to excue, 
 Quite innocent of thought, verbofe and trite, 
 Flow'ry like brother Namby Pamfy's lays, 
 (Now gathered to the dull of ancient days} 
 The bard with fock, or buflcin ne'er bedight, 
 Who, flioeleis, treads as filent as a fprite, 
 With motion fcarce perceptible who creeps, 
 Nor Hops, but when the yawning reader fleeps ; 
 
 For
 
 PRANCERIANA. 199 
 
 For him fhall Almas choiceft honours bloom, 
 Her laurels crown him, and her bays perfume, 
 Her captive regifters record his name, 
 And weekly journals wide diffufe his fame. 
 Nor empty praifes all his fcanty meed, 
 Which nor the naked clothe, nor hungry feed : 
 No longer fliall he friendly night invoke, 
 To veil his patches with her ebon cloak ; 
 Nor fupperlefs in fmoaking cellars plunge, 
 Nor, gaunt and weak, in Copper-alley f lounge 
 But Alma* treafures mall his toil reward, 
 The chearful draper grafp his ready yard ; 
 Thefe kitchens, cellars, ftores, fliall furnifh doles, 
 Beef, pudding, beer, innum'rous pecks of coals : 
 Thus rags, and fhrivell'd want, ihall fade away, 
 He burnifh'd flitter in the blaze of day. 
 Nor lefs rewaids and honours him (hall grace, 
 Who doubly blefs'd with brazen lungs and face, 
 Fierce as the midnight ruffian, blind and hot, 
 
 Out- brawls O'C r, N h m and S < -t ; 
 
 Who the witch, realbn, drowns like mob of old, 
 With rampant nonfenfe, turgid, rude, and bold ; 
 Who yonder roftmm makes with fierce effay, 
 From morn 'till noon, from noon 'till parting day, 
 And gains, for endlefs declamation, fame 
 Which Henly erft acquir'd, which now I claim. 
 
 " To eternize this throne our arm have won, 
 That dunce to dunce fucceed, to fire the fon, 
 
 Be 
 
 f An alley in Dublin where there are many cook-fliops.
 
 200 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 Be next our care ; left fcier.ce in the dark 
 Steal in and fan to flame fome latent fpark, 
 Debauch our fubjeds with her myftick lore, 
 And all her rebel exil'd train reftore : 
 Let us reprefs her vigilance with guile, 
 We'll feize her armoury in % yonder pile ; 
 And each, a volume's load coo weak to brook, 
 A preface wield, i\\.e phantom of a book : 
 Hence bearing femblance of our foes array, 
 As cruifers hoift falfe colours to betray, 
 We'll take all thofe, intangled by our art, 
 Where fenfe rebellious lurks about the heart. 
 
 " Thefe tomes, unnumber'd, reprobate we all, 
 In one expurgatory lift they fall ; 
 Againft our crown they treafon all contain, 
 For all betray fome particles of brain : 
 Yet we permit (our fubjefts to amufe) 
 Light preface-reading, magazines, review*. 
 
 " As wizzard Andrewt (learning's general Jate,) 
 Had deftin'd old aftronomy a feat, 
 From whence the fleepjefs hag might traverfe foon 
 The various errors cf the vvand'ring moon ; 
 We from our princely and paternal care, 
 Not prone to drive the vanquifh'd to dcfptir, 
 Of fpecial grace, the dame will entertain j 
 Our firft profeffor be fagacious Dean : t 
 
 Yet 
 
 I The Library. 
 
 ^ Dr. Andrews, the late provoft, left part of his fortune to 
 build an obfervatory, and endowed a profeflbrfhip of aftronomy, 
 f William Dean, Efqj
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 201 
 
 Yet rays of favour tho' the witch ftiall feel, 
 
 We banifh Newton, Gregory and Keil, 
 
 And hug the J book, vvhofe courtly leaves difclofe 
 
 The arched Iky to fmirking belles and beaux ; 
 
 Our patrons all its treafures fhall explore, 
 
 And Blaquiere underitand, and Blaquiere's whore. 
 
 And grant, great dulnefs, tho' my heart be vain, 
 
 That here Me Breaghagtfs may fucceffive reign ; 
 
 Their future kings, Me Breagbagtfs dunces call, 
 
 Me Breagbagb, Pharaoh like, a name for all." 
 
 Now let your joys burft forth in grateful peals, 
 f Clink all your itink-pots, flouriih all your flails ! 
 
 Th' impatient crowd long emulous to praife, 
 In one full chorus all their voices raife ; 
 Here deep-mouth'd Fungus thunders forth applaufe, 
 There flirill the found, from SadJt's flefhlefs jaws : 
 Thus fome large buck- hound, to the pack the bafe, 
 Hears the foho, glad fignal of the chafe, 
 Hoarfe thunder peals from his capacious throat 
 The nimble beagle yelps a treble note : 
 Stink-pots and flails harmonious cadence keep, 
 As clink the fcrape and brudi of May-day fweep : 
 Wide thro' the welkin fings the loud acclaim, 
 And Grub-ftreet garrets catch McBreaghagb's name* 
 Scaf'd eccho fcreamson Liffey's winding fhore, 
 Long reign McBreaghagb, Grub-ftreet garrets roar. 
 
 1 The gentleman's and lady's aftrononr.y. 
 
 f Vide battle of the Horn-books, Iknuey's arms. 
 
 No.
 
 202 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 No. 33. Wednefday* February 8, 1775. 
 
 PLUT. in ANT. 
 
 TO H1PPARCHUS. 
 
 YOU, HIPPARCHUS, have a noble conten- 
 tion with the world, which grows every day 
 more arduous and interefting. You have ftruggled 
 bravely (and hitherto with fuccefs) to produce 
 more bafeneis and folly, than the world can hatred, 
 contempt, reproach, and ridicule. Yet while your 
 enemies difplay the ablurdity, infolence, and inde- 
 cency of a late tnnfa&ion, the labours of your 
 friends to derive it from virtuous motives may not 
 be wholly ineffectual. We have hitherto been 
 amufed by the intricacies of the plot, and the in- 
 trigue of the drama : the fable now draws to a de- 
 noument. You have avowed the aim of your la- 
 bours, your arts, your machinations, your oppref- 
 lions, and your abfurdities. You have fet your fon 
 before the electors of the date. You have faid, " be- 
 hold this boy ! - he is by natural right your repre- 
 ftr.tative i fend him into the great council." The 
 
 difcerning
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 20? 
 
 ' difcerning partiality of a father may fee in his child 
 many attainments, many endowments, many per- 
 fections, concealed from vulgar eyes ; he may fee 
 fuperior genius in youthful vivacity, integrity in 
 youthful careleffnefs, the talents for bufinefs in eafy 
 manners, and heroick courage in an outrage on the 
 laws, and a violation of decency ; and who would 
 wilh to draw a curtain between him and his difco- 
 i-fries? It is with pain we oppofe the only fchemc 
 of Hipparchus for which, perhaps, he could ever 
 aflign a juilifiable reafon ; and were the demand 
 lefs exorbitant, men might gratify you, for the no- 
 velty of your motive. It is the finking feature of 
 your adminiftration to provoke hatred and contempt, 
 by meafures unprofitable to yourfelf; nay, by the 
 moft odious meaiures, (which feem recommended 
 to your choice only by their being wicked and ridi- 
 culous) you have deliberately overthrown your dar- 
 ling ichemes. This unhappy fatality attends your 
 ion ; we need only turn our eyes to fome previous 
 viea'ttres, to determine our fentiments of the candi- 
 date whofe caule could make fuch tneafures nccef- 
 fery. 
 
 When we fee a wretch, whole native inlignificance, 
 inanity, imbecility, and perpetuity of infancy might 
 have preferved him inojfenfive, afpiring to mifchief, 
 and exerting hispuxy artifice, malice, and infolence, 
 with a weaknefs and want of judgment, equal to the 
 wickednefs of the attempt, to influence the political 
 opinions, and pervert the judgment of his difciples ; 
 
 bafc,
 
 304 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 bafe, bold, and wicked enough to preach and main- 
 tain, (with fophiftry that would fuit the unlettered 
 ages of Mankijb darknefi when bigots toiled for ir- 
 religious tyrants) the moft flavifh tenets that can de- 
 bafe the tool, and exalt the oppreffor ; we muft 
 trace this conduct to a higher fource than his own 
 narrow heart, and find the hand of the mover in 
 the motions of the wooden, disjointed puppet. 
 
 The office of preceptor, in your ftate, is a facred 
 One. The endeavour to pervert and debafe it, is 
 treafon againft the city you govern. To the pre- 
 ceptor, the father of a ftudent commits the morals, 
 honour, and future fame of his child ; he con- 
 figns to his care a mind tender, pliable, fulcepti- 
 ble of good and evil, in hopes of his marking it 
 with good: and curfed be the wretch who would 
 ftainitwith evil, and insinuate opinions which only 
 a villain would wifh, a fool would attempt to ella- 
 blifh, where the honefty of youth diclat.es, and a 
 liberal education confirms generous fentiments. To 
 deceive the father, and blaft his hopes, by deprav- 
 ing the judgment of the difciple, and filling his 
 mind with falfe, ridiculous, fcandalous, and flavifh 
 tenets, is a cruel breach of faith and truft, an equal 
 violation of honour and honefty. You have treated 
 many of your fubjecls with indecent petulance and 
 brutal peeviflinefs. They are not the airs of mtck 
 greatnefs, the magisterial haughtineis, tiie peremp- 
 tory tone, the broad ftare of confident Superiority, 
 th malignant eye, and the infolence of office, that 
 
 can
 
 PRANCERIANA. 205 
 
 can awe the fpirits you muft encounter. A litte art, 
 a little forbearance, a little moderation, a little 
 common fenfe, might have influenced many ; do 
 not again venture to confront your moft refpeclable 
 fubj efts with their flaves; do not dare again to 
 chide men, as if they were boys at ichool ; the 
 goad of a driver muft be pointed with fteel, not 
 lead. You appear, indeed, like the ftatue of juftice, 
 defcribed by fome writer, with the purfe and the 
 fword. , The accumulation of employments in the 
 ftate, and the profitable priefthood you have be- 
 ftowed on the religious director of your confcienct^ 
 mew what your friends and inftruments may hope. 
 Your excluding the refraftory from offices, your in- 
 dignities to individuals, and, perhaps, your inter- 
 fojftfg in the difpofal of ftudents under preceptor!, 
 will mew what your opponents have to fear. But 
 let not your adherents rely too much on your court 
 influence; that will fade as your abilities become 
 generally known and you have now mounted an 
 eminence from u hence you may difplay their na- 
 kednefi to the whole world. 
 
 You reproached, you cenfured, you infulted a num- 
 ber of refpe&able elecltors, for afiembliug to confider 
 calmly a point of general concern you difptrfed 
 their meeting you calumniated them in print you- 
 difplayed the impropriety, the illegality of fuch de- 
 bates, while there was yet no adlual vacancy. You have 
 committed the very fault you condemned you have 
 aflembled your fubjeb,propofed a candidate, and can- 
 vafled for voices. Surely to prohibitpreviouscieliberati- 
 
 ons,
 
 ao6 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 ons, was te confefs a vvifh that the choice might be 
 made without wifdom : the attempt was full of 
 your ufual moderation and prudence. You only 
 modeflly demanded, that men, independent in their 
 fituation, liberal in their fentiments, and refpecla- 
 ble in their characters, (many of them of mature 
 age) mould refign themfelves implicitly to the 
 guidance of a paltry, minifterial tool. When Hip- 
 parchus endeavours to obtrude his Jon on the elec- 
 tors, and requefts their protection for him, it is 
 their duty to confider whether he deferves it ; and 
 weigh his age, paft conduct, parentage, connec- 
 tions, and education. Hipparchus has compelled 
 men to a fcrutiny which may give pain to a youth 
 of many good qualities, (among which, however, 
 independance can have no place) but the feverity 
 is unavoidable, for the enquiry is neceflary. The 
 eyes of all men are fixed on the electors of your 
 ftate; the world expeds from them an example of 
 judicious determination, fortitude, and unanimity. 
 Their number is fufficiently large to promife inde- 
 pendence ; yet fmall enough to promife deliberate 
 meafures, confiilency, and concord, without tu- 
 mult or extravagance. And will fucb conftituents 
 fend into the great council a boy, without the ma- 
 turity of judgment and knowledge of men and man- 
 ners, which are requifite in a framer of laws ? 
 Nothing can make a legiflative affembly more 
 contemptible, turbulent, inconfiftent, and weak, 
 than crowding it with boys, ignorant, injudicious, 
 a/Turning, predjudiccd and impetuous ; except it be 
 
 the
 
 PRANCERIANA. 207 
 
 the placing along with them fathers, vain, weak, 
 corrupt, buftling, forward and unblufhing. Had 
 this young man been educated among your fubjecls, 
 they might have imagined, that they did honour to 
 themfelves, while they aggrandized the child of 
 their cares. Had he refided long among them, fo 
 that they might have intimately known his difpo- 
 tion and character, and proved his virtues ; the 
 ridicule of electing a boy, might have been excufed 
 or palliated. This youth has yet made but one ftep 
 in life, and it has been a falfe (at leaft injudicious) 
 one. He has introduced himfelf to the notice of 
 the world, by a defiance of law, order, prudence, 
 decency, and religion, which his fpirited conducl, 
 and the filial piety of his motive cannot wholly ex- 
 tenuate. He has violated the laws of the empire, 
 as a citizen ; of your dominions, as a ftudent ; and 
 of honour, as a gentleman ; and for which of thefe 
 merits mall men overlook his youth, and appoint 
 him a legiflator ? In your ftate, the offence which 
 he has committed is numbered among the grtater 
 crimes ; there is a peculiar indecency in propofing 
 your fon to conftituents whofe laws he has peculi- 
 arly violated. The domeftick virtues of this youth 
 are acknowledged univerfally ; but private are often 
 found feperate from publick virtues ; indeed the man 
 who wants both, is a monfter unfit to live ; even 
 Hipparcbus is awake to all the refpeclable tender- 
 nefle? of paternal fondnefs. But when a man is 
 offered as a candidate *ibr a publick employment, 
 publick qualifications draw the attention, and when 
 
 determined,
 
 *o8 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 determined, direct the choice. The private virtues 
 cf Hipparc bides y far from recommending him to the 
 electors, furnifh the ftrongeft arguments againit 
 him ; his warm feelings, and the goodnefs of an 
 affectionate hear: will make him a flave to his fa- 
 mily and connections ; his filial piety (which every 
 one mud applaud) will render him blind to his fa- 
 ther's faults, and difpofe him to admire his fyftem of 
 politicks; enfnared by his dutiful difpofition, he will 
 be the obfequious creature of parental authority. 
 The publick virtues of the youth are far from being 
 doubtful. What can be expected from the inftruc- 
 tions and authority of a father, proftitute in his 
 principles, fhackled by his connections ? Will he 
 not train up his fon to receive the wages of flavery ? 
 Has he not now led him forth (after a more leffon 
 of venality) to offer his tender ihoulder to the bur- 
 thens of tyranny ? It may be faid, this youth has 
 not been fully tried ; will you condemn him un- 
 heard ? He has been fully tried in his father's 
 actions ; he has been fully heard in the reputation 
 of his father ; the whole tenour of his father's life 
 cries loudly, and declares what part the fon will 
 act. They are early days yet with the young man. 
 The time for making off a parent's authority j the 
 yeais that promife independence are fcarcely arrived. 
 Hereafter, when age has confirmed and expanded 
 his virtues, and given him a knowledge of men and 
 manners, if he can make off the influence, and for- 
 get the example and maxim^of z. father, whofe name 
 will be his chief reproach, he may fit in the fenate 
 
 with
 
 PRANCERIANA. 209 
 
 with honour to himfelf, and advantage to his coun- 
 try, Unhappy youth ! the condud of his father 
 will render his firft exertions of virtue fufpicious ; 
 and it will require many years of undrviatir.g inte- 
 grity, to gain the publick confidence. The difhonour 
 of his father will hang on him like a cloud ; pater- 
 nal connections will be fpread like toils around 
 him, and impede the courfe of honour ; he will go 
 into the great council fettered by promifes and ob- 
 ligations,, the bondman of a miniftry 4 unable to 
 accomplim the warm virtuous wifhes of his heart ; 
 unable to indulge his honeit feelings, and iatit fy his 
 longings after fame ; doubly unhappy from his vir- 
 tuou difpofition ; unable to be juji to his country, 
 without a breach of piivatc/*V and folcmn engagt- 
 
 You Hipparcbus / h.ive been as great a benefac- 
 tor to your children, as to your country. You 
 have given them the example and name of a man, 
 who, fincc firft he heard the name of honour, def- 
 pifed the reality ; who, fince firft he enjoyed power, 
 has employed it in oppreffion and wrong ; and, 
 fincc firft he knew the vain parade of wealth and 
 grandeur, muft have alfo known that it was acquired 
 by the moft iniquitous means. A/on is little indebt- 
 ed to fuch a father for dragging him forth to pub- 
 lick nttice ; but you were born to devife and purfue, 
 with elaborate imprudence, fchemes for your own 
 confufion. The generous fpirit already {hewn by 
 the electors might have pointed out to you the ca- 
 taftrophe ; yet though you feel the ridicule, the 
 toils, the perplexities, the flume, the reproach, the 
 
 anguifh
 
 210 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 anguifh and defpair of the fituation wherein your 
 ignorance, folly, vanity, and officious venality have 
 placed you ; the outlines of tyranny muft be 
 filled up ; the proper touches and heightenings rnuft 
 be added to give oppreflion a happy boldnels, a due 
 relief; and all your ftrokes (it muft be owned) Ihew 
 a mailer's hand. All that a ram, intemperate, im- 
 prudent, fhamelef* governor couid, you have done ; 
 and future ages will doubt whether you mod inde- 
 cently opprefTed, or your fubjects nobly rejifted You 
 have been overwhelmed with mame and forrow ; 
 and future flaves of government will fear to approach 
 the fancluary of learning t left (like the Jewilh mo- 
 narch) they mould be fmitten with the plague of in- 
 famy, and turned forth to wander, vile, loathfome, 
 and deferred. 
 
 CHARIDEMUS. 
 
 No. 34.
 
 PR ANCERIANA. 211 
 
 No. 34. Friday, February 17, 1775. 
 
 PLUT. in ANT. 
 
 TO H1PPARCHUS. 
 
 f T7" OUR conducl, Hipparchus! becomes every 
 X day more furprifing, more odious, more con- 
 temptible, and yet more interefting to the publick. 
 Your enormities, fince your appointment to your 
 prefent ftation, have been hitherto confined chiefly 
 
 to 
 
 f That the reader may the better underftand this paper, it 
 is neceflary to ftate the tranfaftion to which it alludes. On 
 Saturday the nth of February 1775, fome fcholars of the col- 
 lege went to the houfe of Mr. Michael Mills, Printer of the 
 Hibernian Journal, and having inveigled him to his door, under 
 a pretext of treating with him about the difpofal of a manu- 
 fcript, threw him down in the ftreet ; then forcibly carried 
 him away in a hackney coach to the college, holding all the 
 
 while piftols to his breaft, At the college, after he had been 
 
 fufficiently kicked and troden upon, he underwent the difci- 
 pline of the pump, and would probably have loft his life, 
 had he not been refcued by one of the fellows of the uni- 
 verfity, who feized one of the fcholars of the houfe in the 
 fattf on -whom, be-wevtr, no cinfure was faffed by the univer- 
 fity. The provoft was under a ntcejpty of tummoning a board 
 
 M
 
 212 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 to the police of the ftate ; and men were interefted 
 in them only as they werei or hoped to be fathers, 
 and wifhed to find a refpeftable and well-regulated 
 place of education for their children. Though 
 
 fome 
 
 on this occafion.- By the cleareft evidence, Emanuel Thomp- 
 fon, and a young gentleman (the fcholar of the houfe above- 
 mentioned) were proved to have been concerned in this daring 
 
 and brutal outrage. The provoft, neverthelefj, would not 
 
 confent that any cenfure fhouid be pafled on Mr. Thompfon, 
 unlefs the other (tut ofbiifurfjl -voteri) were fuffered to efcapt : 
 and unlefs the cenfure fhouid be conveyed rather againft the 
 injured than the offending party. Verted ai the provoft ii by that 
 excellent prelate archbifhop Laud with the moft Arbitrary powers, 
 the board were obliged to obey. < Dr. L - was defjred to 
 put the provoft's fcntcnce into^W Latin ; he did it into La- 
 tin fucb as it it : and on Thurfday the i6th of February, an 
 Eulogium was pronounced on the conduct of the fcholart, in 
 the following terms : 
 
 " Cum conflet fcholarium ignotorum ccetum injuriam ad- 
 mififie in Typographum <juendm/ae/w, nomine Afilli, qui 
 nefarih flagitits nobiliora quaque collegii membra in chartis 
 fuislaceffiveiat j 
 
 ' Et cum parum regimini collegii cautum fit, ni in auftorc? 
 et participes violentise utcutique l&fa et accenfoi animadvertere- 
 tur ; conftetque etiam Emanuelem Thompfon, illius violentiae 
 participem fuifle laudando, incitando, et difcipulo cuidam fcho- 
 iari obnitendo, qui pr:c<iilum Mills ab injurioforum manibus 
 eripere conatus eft; vifum eft prsepofito et fociis fenioribus 
 eundem Emanuelem Thompfon admonere, atque admonitionem 
 i.n album collegii referre." 
 
 Of which the following is a/r, but faithful tranflation : 
 
 " Whereas it appears that fome of the fcholars of the college 
 have done fome flight injury to a certain popular, and therefore 
 
 infamous
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 213 
 
 fome meafures might be traced to your aims, the 
 iufpicion of their tendency refted among your fub- 
 jefts, and was too remote to alarm the community. 
 Shameful and open attempts to influence electors 
 unduly, and to debafe the majefty of the national 
 
 aflembly 
 
 nfamoiu Printer, of the name of Mills, who in a moft flagitious 
 manner had in his Journal for fome months paft libelled feme 
 noble members of the univerfity (namely the Provoft and doftof 
 Forfayeth) by republifhing the writings of the one, and funpry 
 ftating the actions of both : 
 
 " And, although the faid fcholars were highly laudable iafo 
 doing, and fhewed therein a becoming attachment to their 
 principals, and that they were fit inftruments for the purpofes of 
 party ; yet inafmuch as it is abfolutely neceffary, (in order to 
 keep up tome/hew of difciplinc, and to fave appearances) that 
 fome flight cenfure fhould be paffed on the perfons concerned 
 in faid bafty proceeding) however they might have been wound- 
 ed or inflamed by the adlions and writings of their principals 
 being thus exhibited to the publick j and inafmuch as it ap- 
 pears, that Emanuel Thomfon was an acceffory in tbit affair, by 
 aiding, abetting and aflifting the perfons engaged therein, and 
 by the oppofition which he gave to a fcbolar who endeavoured 
 to refcue the faid Mills : 
 
 " Therefore the provoft and fenior fellows have thought it 
 prudent to admonifli the faid Emanuel Thompfon, and to enter 
 the faid admonition on the college books." 
 
 In this fentence, the provoft feems to have followed the ex- 
 ample of a clergyman who ufed always to read the following 
 verfe of Scripture in this manner : And he fpaketohis fons, 
 faying, faddle me the afs and they faddled HIM." A pooi 
 Printer runs to the provoft, and crie., One of your brutal 
 fcholars, laft night, dragged me out of my houfe, beat, abufed, 
 and pumped me : Admonifli me this Ruffian" and he adm- 
 niihes bim.
 
 ai 4 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 affembly by fending thither the unworthy, are grea? 
 and publick injuries, which muft roufe every friend 
 to his country. 
 
 An important crifis is at hand, when the people 
 of your ftate may afiert their liberty, or feal them- 
 felves bondmen ; and as they value their indepen- 
 dence, they muft rejeft, uniformly, refolutely, and 
 without theleaftconfideration of his merits, every man 
 whatever propofed or fecretly fupported by their go- 
 vernor. Your attempt to exert an undue and arbitrary 
 influence is the fatal blow that would fubvert their 
 rights. You have avowed without fhame or hefita- 
 tion avowed your oppreffive and unconstitutional de- 
 figns ; your aft, therefore of propo/ing any man, or 
 attempting, in any fhape, to interfere with their elec- 
 tion, is what mould chiefly alarm them ; and their 
 utmoft vigilance mould be directed to your operati- 
 ons. They will fee in your meafures an attempt to 
 eftablifh an hereditary defpotifm within their walls, 
 and make their city {.\izpri--vatepropertyofa. vain, 
 ignoble, fervile, ambitious, private family. Every 
 honeft fubjeft in your ftate wifhes to fee the 
 crown bellowed, agreeably to their laws, on a 
 Native. The only hope of obtaining this darling 
 wi(h relts on a fteady opposition to your aims. 
 Should your people oppofe you with fpiric, una- 
 nimity, and fuccefs, the flaves of government 
 will be intimidated, and fear to accept the crown, 
 left it fhould prove a crown of glowing Heel on 
 
 their
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 215 
 
 their heads. Corrupt niinifters will leave this brave 
 people to themfelves, and no longer have a reafon 
 for fending their creatures among them, when they 
 find the vanity of an attempt to fobdue fuch liberal 
 fpirits. 
 
 Some of your practices may hereafter appear be- 
 fore the legijlators of the land, to your confufion, 
 and the ruin of your hopes. Meanwhile, it is the 
 duty of every ckizen to inflit that infamy which is 
 the publick punilhment of publick crimes. 
 
 The moft noxious weeds, properly applied, have 
 healing virtues ; your wifdom has found a ufe 
 for the infamous and abandoned ; you have 
 called them from the tavern, the gaming-houfe, 
 and the flews, and fet them (in imitation of your 
 matters) to riot by authority in defence of ad- 
 minijtration. Your instrument in thefe excefies is an 
 objeft at which fiends may fmile ; a man long 
 refpeftable for his learning and religious life ; 
 late in his days, rendered the objeft of juft and 
 general wonder, abhorrence, and contempt ; in a 
 perpetual rage ; at war with himfelf and ail the 
 world ; dying, like a mad bound, inch by inch. 
 We need but follow the bank to find the fpring ; 
 an outrage concerted and conduced by the creature 
 of your creature*, could not be fuppofed to want 
 
 your 
 
 * One of the principal aflors in the violence offered to 
 Mr. Mills, was a young gentleman fupported from his infancy, 
 and educated by Dr. F f h.
 
 246 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 your encouragement : you have now openly avowed 
 your jbart in the tranfaftion, by extenuating and 
 explaining away the offence, and fufforting and 
 protecting the offenders with all your eloquence, 
 authority, legal jkill t legal fubtlety, legal experience, 
 and political arts. Flufhed with your new military 
 fame, you were refolved to make all your fubjecls 
 heroes. The head of a learned feate fat in deep divan 
 wirh his trujlj counfellors to plan a riot ; a veteran 
 lawyer employed his important mufings, to mature 
 an a/ault. You cftablimed your fway by peaceful 
 arts ; you were refolved to bring it to its meridian 
 glory by military exploits. You dreamed, you 
 talked of perfonalchaftifement, and manual 'vengeance \ 
 your attentive courtiers caught the oraculous founds, 
 out-ran their guide, and actually accomplifhed 
 that of which you but dreamed. But your part in 
 this tranfaction was ftill more active, we muft con- 
 clude, than mere confcioufnefs, connivance, and 
 approbation, from your fupporting and protecting 
 the offenders ; %nd when, notwithftanding the 
 efforts of your faithful adherents at the council, 
 one fcape goat was neceffary to atone for the crime 
 of many, from your turning the form of his reproof 
 into an encomium, inferting therein a juftification 
 of his conduct, and in bold defiance of the laws 
 of four ftate, and of the land, of decency, and hu- 
 manity, giving a fanction to the moft brutal oat- 
 rage, and publicly exhorting the youths you were 
 called to govern, to the wildeft excefles of vindictive 
 cruelty. You laid many fchemes before the pub- 
 lick ;
 
 P R A N C E R I A 1ST A. 21? 
 
 lick ; the moft important however were concealed. 
 We little imagined that the patriotic idea of a 
 national militia was among your projcdls. You 
 talked much, and with vaft felf-complacency, of 
 difcipline ; we little imagined that you were to 
 improve it by neiu evolutions, borrowed (it Ihould 
 feem) from the tribes of /avage Indians. You 
 early explored the treafures of your ftate ; you 
 foon difcovered that it afforded flaves, fpies, liars, 
 informers, falfe witnefles, and corrupt judges ; 
 you have now found, that it is not barren of 
 ruffians, bravoes, and affaflins. You fummoned 
 guardians of your honour from the brothel ; you 
 muftered your faithful houfhold troops ; you fmiled 
 on them with a pleafure, which the fight of fucb 
 'worth muft afford to fuch a mind ; you cheared 
 them with your benediction ; you lent them forth 
 to vindicate your name, with a valour fuccefsful 
 as your own ; and you prepared for them a kind 
 retreat, under the fhadow of your <wings. Riots 
 by authority, and public j unifications of them 
 offered by the governor, in fhamelefs evafion of 
 juft punifhment, are new things under the fun. 
 But furely the cries of a nation will at laft be heard ; 
 the reverend guardians and infpeftors of the ftate 
 will reprefent thefe enormous and ruinous offences 
 at the feet of Caefar ; and our juft and gracious 
 emperor will remove the outrageous and indecent 
 tyrant from the throne he dilhonours. You have 
 Jeverely injured their parents, by tncouraging in. 
 the ftudents a contempt of law, and a fpirit of 
 L licentious
 
 zr8 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 licentious cruelty ; arid every man who wifhes wl! 
 to this kingdom, or defires to beftow a learned 
 and virtuous education on his child, is bound to 
 ftrain every nerve tor your removal. It is, perhaps, 
 an idle labour to fearch for motives, where abfur- 
 dity rifes on abfurdity, as wave on wave;- and 
 before we have traced one into its effects, we are 
 alarmed by the rufhing of another. You lamented 
 the neglect of difcipline, the turbulence, the li- 
 ccntioufnefs of your fubje&s ; you difplayed the 
 cares, the toils of your regency, and plumed your- 
 felf in various projedrs for the advancement of re- 
 ligion and morality. Having hazarded fuch affertions, 
 were you refolved to create a veracity for them, 
 and make the depravity you had lamented ? 
 
 You brought forth the wooden image of your 
 Saint and he was borne about in folemn procejjion on 
 the jkmlders of men, to work a miracle in the re- 
 formation of a finful people ; you founded a plea 
 for the wildeft fchemes, that ever entered the head 
 of a dreamer, on a fpirit of rebellion and riot in 
 your fubjedti ^ the charge was refuted, beyond a 
 poffibility of credit. Yet unwilling to reiign fo 
 many goodly plans, devifed with fuch labour and 
 exhibited with fuch felf-gratularion, you praftifed 
 the expedient of artful fportfmen, who let loofe 
 wild beajls by night into their groves and paftures, 
 that they may be hunted down for their honour 
 in the morning. Hoftile writers let before you 
 the ghaftly form of infamy ; it was ever pre- 
 
 fent,
 
 PRANCERIANA. 219 
 
 lent, it glanced above, below, it hovered at your 
 right hand, and embittered the triumph of fuc- 
 cefsful guilt. You endeavoured to conjure down 
 the cruel intruder; you wrote, you fought ; the 
 phantom grew in flature every moment, and rofe 
 more and more dreadful from your efforts. What 
 remained ? you called to your aid fuch defenders, 
 zsfucb genius, fucb valour, fuch a name deferve, 
 and mould ever find. For your refractory fubjects 
 you had provided lofs of employments, obfcrvan- 
 ces, duties, attendances, forms, ceremonies, punctua- 
 lities, rigours, airs of grandeur, haughty looks, 
 harangues, infults, reprimands, reproaches, accu- 
 fations, informations, examinations, interrogations, 
 condemnations and cenfure. For foreign enemies, 
 your refpectable champions, your pratorian cohorts 
 have prepared combats, aflaults, ftratagems, am- 
 bufcade, captivity, outrage, wounds, torture, maim 
 and death. You had before, your fpies and in- 
 formers, your tale- bearers and whifperers $ the ad- 
 dition of hireling ruffians has compleated the equi- 
 page of tyranny. Happy is the oppreflbr who 
 can command the harlot valour of fome ready 
 gladiator, whofe face is againft every man, who 
 is eager to ftrike, on or without any provocation, 
 and whofe obfequioui arm can butcher, without 
 compunction, principle or diilinction, in any 
 quarrel. 
 
 Evilfpirits are faid to vanifh in a peal of thunder 
 
 or a cloud of fulphur. The late riot, foftered by 
 
 L 2 your
 
 220 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 your fmile, atchieved under your aufpices, defend- 
 ed by your authority, may be confidered as a folemn 
 aft of taking leave, a notification of your exit 
 from the political hemifphere, for you have there- 
 by fealed a, formal refignation of your influence, 
 and rendered it impojfible for any of your fubjedb 
 who retains the Jlighteft regard for decency, to fup- 
 port an adminiflration, fo tyrannical, fo out- 
 rageous, fo fhamelefs, fo lawlefs, fo ridiculous, fo 
 foolifh and fo odious. 
 
 Farewel, Hipparchus ! in my addrefles to you, 
 I have confidered myfelf as performing a facrifice 
 to juflice. The talk was difgufting, though ufe- 
 fal. There is no pleafure in tracing little cunning 
 through its windings ; in following ambitious 
 folly through its excurfions ; or repelling the claims 
 of ridiculous vanity. There is no pleafure in mark- 
 ing the failings and the crimes of a weak head, 
 joined with a corrupt heart j there is no pleafure 
 in beholding to what a wretched degree of bafenefs 
 human nature may be depraved ;- there is no 
 pleafure in anatomizing the putrid carcafe of a 
 monfter. 
 
 CHARIDEMUS.
 
 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 No 35. Monday, February 27, 1775, 
 
 Proximus ardet Ucalegon. V i R G . 
 
 TO THE CITIZENS OF DUBLIN. 
 
 Friends and Countrymen, 
 
 IN the refentment you have fhewn againft, and 
 the ferious notice f you have taken of a late 
 daring outrage, you have manifefted that attention to 
 the publick good, which becomes virtuous, and that 
 
 regard 
 
 f* A poft aflembly having been fummoned to meet at the 
 Tholfel, to take into confideration the late dangerous and dar- 
 ing outrage committed by a fatty of the ftudents of Trinity 
 college ; the following fpirited refohitions were propofed, aji4 
 unanimcajjy agreed to : 
 
 RESOLVE E), That the late outrage committed by fomc o/ 
 the ftudents of Trinity college, on the perlbn of pur fellow 
 citizen, Mr. ftlichael Mills, printer, is a daring attack upon, 
 the natural rights of mankind, a violent breach of our laws, 
 and an high affront to the police of this city. 
 
 RESOLVED, That as the confequences which may arift 
 from thefe daring rioters efcaping juftice are of the moft dread, 
 ful nature, that the fum of FIFTY POUNDS be offered for 
 the apprehending EMANUEL THOMPSON, a ftudent in Trinity 
 
 college,.
 
 222 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 regard to your own welfare, which becomes wife 
 men. May the fame fpirit animate and direct your 
 counfels on this important occafion. Such an atro- 
 cious violation of law and police, confidered merely 
 
 in 
 
 college, and one of the principal leaders in the late riot ; and 
 that the fum of TWENTY GUINEAS be offered for each and 
 every of the other perfons concerned. [This refolution was 
 .rendered ufelefs by an order from the board of aldermen.] 
 
 RESOLVED, As the collegiate punishment inflicted on the 
 faid Emanuel Thompfon (who was convicted before the board of 
 being principally active in the late riot and affault againft our 
 fellow citizen, Mr. Mills) amounted only to a /light reprimand 
 for the offence againft the college ; and as the terms in which 
 that reprimand was conveyed, evidently countenanced the 
 crime againft the CITY, that a committee be appointed to 
 draw up an addrefs to the vifitors of the college, requeuing that 
 the proceedings of the board of fellows held on Tuefday the 
 I4th of February, inft. as far as they relate to an outrage againft 
 the peace of this city, may be taken into their graces confidera- 
 tion ; and that fuch cenfure may be pafled, and fuch meafures 
 adopted, in the puniftiment of the offenders, as (by rigour and 
 juftice) may preferve order and regularity in the college, deter 
 from future outrages any of the ftudentsof the univerfity, and 
 thereby fecure domeftick peace to the city of Dublin. 
 
 RESOLVED, That the thanks of this houfe be given to 
 the right hon. the lord mayor, for his applying 40 the provoft 
 of Trinity college, to obtain that right boti. gentleman 's afiift- 
 ance in rinding out, by calling over the roll, fuch of the ftu- 
 dents under his care as were concerned in the daring and dan- 
 gerous outrage againft the faid Mr. Michael Mills, of Capel- 
 ftreet, although his lordfhip had the mortification to meet a 
 refufal, and that the DISCHARGE of his DUTY in that refpecT: 
 
 Was INEFFECTUAL. 
 
 The
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 213 
 
 in itfelf, might well deferve your fevereft animad- 
 verfion ; but the attending circumrtances render it 
 an affair of an alarming nature indeed. The natio- 
 nal feat of education ; that venerable depofuory 
 where the honefty and virtue of your children were 
 
 placed 
 
 The board of aldermen, immediately after the laft refolu- 
 tion was carried, fent down the petition of the commons, with 
 the following order annexed to it. 
 
 The lord mayor and board of aldermen, confiderinp the out- 
 rages lately committed on fome citizens, by a body of the ftu- 
 dents of Trinity college, in conjunction with feveral other 
 perfons, and particularly, one made on the houfe and perfon of 
 Michael Mills, Printer, and a freeman of this city, to be of 
 the moft dangerous tendency, a moft evil example, and an high 
 infuk to the police and good government of this city, do hereby 
 offer the Aim of twenty guineas, as a reward for each and every 
 of the firft three perfons who fhall be hereafter (within tbres 
 months) difcovered, apprehended and profecuted to conviction 
 for the faid riot and affault; and, that a proclamation for this 
 purpofe, be forthwith iflued ; and herein, defire the concur- 
 rence of the iheriffs and commons. In which faid refolution, 
 the flieriffs and commons did concur. 
 
 A refolution was then made and carried unanimoufly that 
 the order be piinted, and the boa;d agreed. 
 
 A motion was then made and carried, that the addrefs to tb,e 
 vifitars be read ; and it was accordingly read as follows . 
 
 To their graces the lord primate and lord archbifhop of Dub- 
 lin, vifitors of Trinity college, near Dublin. 
 May it pleafe your graces, 
 
 WE the lord mayor, aldermen, flierifr's, commons and citi- 
 zens of Dublin, having the higbeft confidence in your graces 
 wifdom and virtue, and conceiving ourfelves to be deeply inte- 
 
 rerted
 
 224 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 placed (as it were) in bank, to be drawn forth with 
 intereft, in due feafon j that feminary from whence 
 the fond parent hoped to call his child, filled with 
 the generous fentiments, and adorned with the libe- 
 ral attainments, which fit men for becoming guar- 
 dians of the lives, properties or morals of their fel- 
 low citizens, has fent forth ruffians to aftonifh the 
 publick and difgrace human nature, by the moil fa- 
 vage cruelty. The riot to which I allude wants 
 every circumftance which might palliate, though 
 not excufe fuch an offence ; it was not the outrage 
 of a moment ; the infenjible unconfcious cruelty of in- 
 toxication ; it was not the quarrel of p fello-iv-flu- 
 dent, where private friendfhip might have been 
 pleaded j it was a fcheme of cowardly barbarity, de- 
 liberately executed by Jiratagem on a Jingle, peaceable, 
 defencelefs citizen, in the fobriety of malice, by a 
 
 number 
 
 reftedin whatever may relate to the welfare of our univerfity, 
 not only as members of the community in general, ani concern- 
 ed in the education of the youth of this kingdom, but particu- 
 larly earneft for the advantage and dignity of that univerfity, 
 having contributed liberally to its original eftablifhment ; and 
 our lord mayors having in time paft, been its vifitors ; do hold 
 it incumbent on us, at this time, to entreat your graces inter- 
 pofition to prevent a continuance of the daring outrages of late 
 committed by certain ftudents of the univerfity. 
 
 Had we no other objel of confideration but the fafety of 
 our perfons, the laws of the land in which we live would give 
 us fuffident fecurity, by punifliing fuch atrocious offenders 
 with feverity ; but as we wifli to maintain mutual love and 
 harmony between our fellow citizens and the gentlemen of the 
 univerfity, we requeft your graces will enquire whether fome 
 
 innovations
 
 PRANCERIANA. 225 
 
 number of ruffians evidently hired to proteft the ho- 
 nour of an infamous man, by the terrors of an affaf- 
 fination. Had the crime been punifhed by thofe 
 who were enabled to do fo by their authority, and 
 bound by their duty and their oath,, your interpoii- 
 L 5 tion. 
 
 innovations have not taken place in the government of the 
 college. 
 
 Until very lately her governors were anxious to fupprefs, and 
 ad~Uve to punifh any mifdemeanor of her members j and while 
 the important care of the univerfity was entrufted to a perfon 
 acquainted with collegiate matters, your graces triennial vifita- 
 tions were rendered almoft unneceffary ; but, fince the direc- 
 tion of the college has fallen into un-academic hands, the irre- 
 gularity of the ftudents has exceeded all bounds; we there- 
 fore moft earneftly entreat your graces that, for the prefervation 
 of the peace, for the welfare of the kingdom, and for the ho- 
 nour of the univerfity, you will hold a vifitation, endeavour to 
 bring to light the caufes and abettors of the many outrages 
 committed j and that (let the perfons concerned be of what 
 rank or ftation foever) you will have them removed ; and that 
 your graces will be pleafed to take fuch other effectual methods, 
 as to your wifdoms fhall feepi meet, to prevent the confequences 
 fo much to be dreaded from the prefent ftate of the univerfity. 
 
 This addrefs was received with unanimity by the houfe; but. 
 the board of aldermen having broke up, it could not then have 
 their concurrence, and was therefore, with the third refolution,, 
 poftponed. 
 
 In a few days after thefe refolutions were entered into j his 
 grace the archbifliop of Dublin (one of the vifitorsj took his - 
 fon and another young gentleman of confiderable fortune, 
 Mr. St. G , out of the college, and fent them to Cam-- 
 bridge.
 
 726 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 tion had appeared laudable, but not neceffary ; and 
 the feat of learning had appeared able to fupport 
 herfelf, to maintain her own difciplirje, and prefel-ve 
 the mora's of her fludents. The governor of our 
 feat of learning, by protecting thefe bravoes of his 
 life guard, publickly avowing his approbation of 
 fuch outrages, and in mockery of difcipline, and 
 contempt of decency, publishing a libel on the in- 
 jured perfon by way of punijbing the injury, has de- 
 itroyed the police and good order of the commu- 
 nity ; and the licentious and profligate are afTured 
 not only of countenance, but rewards from the head 
 of the ftate ; and by paying him tytbe of their riots, 
 may purchafe a full abfolution and immunity from 
 peaceful rules, and an eternal jubilee of outiage. 
 Public infamy made vail and daily demands on the 
 fcanty credit of a bankrupt administration ; in fuch 
 a defpair of virtue, fuch an impetuous, ceafelefs run 
 of difgraces, this unhappy corrupt man hoped toy?- 
 lence thofe whom he could not anfiver he refolved 
 to try every thing, catch at every thing, hazard every 
 thing ; to eftablifh a band of defperadoes to riot him 
 into credit, and awe the importunate and refractory 
 by the dread of perfonal violence. The moft aban- 
 doned of his fabjeds were lured into the fervice by 
 the promife of literary honours, of the ranks and de- 
 grees which \\treformerly to be obtained only by a 
 proficiency in their appointed courfe of ftudy, and 
 they continue to fill the community with outrage and 
 dillurbance. Thefe wretches have been allowed or 
 rather commanded to poft up libeh and threats of out- 
 rage
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 227 
 
 rage and violence on the walls of a learned city ; 
 the tyrant fets on his dogs, to hunt the popular elec- 
 tors, that when they turn he may feize them for 
 victims. He hopes, that his creatures may, by in- 
 fults, irritate his opponents to fome act of violence ; 
 and with eager malice waits to exert or drain the 
 rigour of the law, and banifh them from his domi- 
 nions ; nor will the evil flop here ; the example of 
 the governor and the court favourites will foon taint 
 the whole body j the feat of learning will become 
 a feat of war; your ftreets will be filled with arm- 
 ed rioters ; your theatres and places of publick 
 amufement become fields of combat ; the inoffen- 
 five citizen will be unfafe under his own roof; and 
 the innocent virgin under the wing of her parents. 
 The whole kingdom is concerned in the good go- 
 vernment and welfare of the national feat of educa- 
 tion more deeply than appears at firft ; even the 
 meaneft artizan, the poorelt cottager, is interefted, , 
 as he wifhes to find an honeft and liberal employer, 
 or an upright and merciful landlord or mafter, as he 
 wifhes to eat his hard-earned morfel in quiet, and 
 find himfelf fafe from brutal outrage : for if oar 
 youth be formed,after the example of their governor, 
 to become tyrants and flaves, the confequences mult 
 foon be felt through all orders of men ; befides, the 
 abfurdities and excefles of its governor, mull bring 
 our place of education into contempt, and caufe 
 perfons of fortune to fend their children to foreign 
 feats of learning, to the great injury of the kingdom 
 -in the conftant drain of money, and defiruftion of 
 
 all,
 
 228 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 all attachment to their native country in the prin- 
 cipal families. Nor muft you hope to redrefs or 
 prevent thefe mifchiefs ; or fee difcipline, peace, or 
 juftice, in the fociety in queftion, while ic remains 
 under its prefent head. A man, who importuned 
 an elettor \ for his voice, and on a refufal, impu- 
 dently interrogated him, with the haughtinefs of a 
 judge to a felon, concerning his connections, and 
 the private family affairs of his father ; and in 
 fcandalous avowal of the moft illegal and indecent 
 intrigues, //oW-down in a paper, the refult of the 
 examination. A man, who, when his heart dilated 
 at the convivial moment with the confcioufnefs of 
 his merit, boafted of having infulted and reproached 
 your reprefemative ; $ his fuperior in age, and, 
 without the leail panegyric on the virtue or infor- 
 mation of that citizen, infinitely, beyond all degrees 
 of companion, his fuperior in integrity and learn- 
 ing. What difcipline, or police, can be maintained 
 in a date whofe governor has openly patronized a 
 riot, and employs a band of ruffians to infult and 
 menace the obnoxious ? What peace, while the ty- 
 rant and his minions purfue the moft iniquitous 
 fchemes, and pcrfecute with the moft envenomed 
 rancour all who not only oppofe but refufe to con- 
 cur in their meafures ? What juftice, when a man 
 of approved, mature want of principle, honour, and 
 humanity, armed with very arbitrary power by the 
 
 laws 
 
 t Mr. 
 
 ^ Dr. Cl 1, whom the provoft boafted that he had repri. 
 
 manded for negledttng one day to go to chapel.
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 129 
 
 laws of the fociety he governs, has avowed his in- 
 tentions of influencing an election ? Your children 
 will be deprived of inducements to learning ; their 
 minds will be perverted with corrupt and flavifh. 
 principles ; and the offices and honours which were 
 appointe'd as the rewards of merit, will be proftitut- 
 ed, and become incentives to fervility, badges of 
 depravity, and wages of diflionour. You are called 
 upon by your own honour, by the love you bear 
 your children, and the duty you owe your country 
 to roufe yourfelves on this occafion. Lay your com- 
 plaints before the throne ; addrefs the viceroy j re- 
 quell, that this corrupt and incapable governor, 
 whofe ignorance can only be furpafled by his iniquity, 
 may be removed from the regency he difhonours. 
 The appointment offuch a man, though lefs alarm- 
 ing in appearance, was more fatal to the kingdom 
 than the moft oppreffive tax, the moil ruinous ftatute. 
 Taxes can, at worft, but make you beggars ; and 
 you may have a hops of being eaied from them by 
 the virtue and wifdom of a future fenate. The molt 
 pernicious laws can, at worft, but deilroy your com- 
 merce, and render you unfafe in your perfons and 
 properties ; and you may have fome profpeft of 
 their being repealed. But the appointment of fuch 
 a governor over your place of education was intend- 
 ed to involve you in deftruftion, without hope of 
 remedy was aimed to cut off the virtue and ho- 
 nour of the riling generation, and their lateft pofte- 
 rity, at a blow. 
 
 CHARIDEMUS. 
 
 No. 36.
 
 230 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 cfrcfcofocfccfaofrcfccfc* 
 
 No. 36. Wednefday, March I, 1775. 
 
 TO VERRES, PROCONSUL OFMACEDON. 
 
 THE charge of folly may, perhaps, fall on 
 complaints and reproaches addrclled to the 
 ftatefman loft to remorfe and fliame, who finds in 
 green old age the vigour of youth to do mifchief, 
 without its bonefl feelings to reclaim him. ' The 
 phlegm of y~ur temper, Verres* the principled fer- 
 vility, the habitual, veteran depravity, and the hy- 
 pocritical rigour, may be reftraimd by the pen of 
 fatire, when the peftilence is flayed at the bidding 
 of the phyfician, or the comet at the voice of the 
 aftronomer : yet the ufelefs remonftrances of the 
 prefent may gratify the curiofity of the future ge- 
 neration, and afford fpeculation to the philofopher, 
 by (hewing what the corrupt governor can inflict 
 and the patient province bear. To render you a 
 more ufeful engine in the hands of a tyrant, the 
 prejudices of education concurred with the bafenefs 
 of nature; and had the path of freedom and virtue 
 been equally profitable, you would (like a true 
 have toiled on [in the crooked ways of 
 fervility,.,
 
 PRANCERIANA. 231 
 
 fervility, and given a gratuitous fupport to tyranny. 
 From an anceftor who was the fecret enemy of the 
 rights and liberties of his fellow citizens, who con- 
 fpired to betray the glory and integrity of his coun- 
 try, and ftain her with difhoneft, difhonourable peace 
 in the midft of conqueft, and who was numbered by 
 a nation among the traitors who fought to fubvert 
 her religion and her laws, and reftore the banimed 
 Julian family, you derived hereditary tenets and 
 modes of chinking, which have rendered you cor- 
 rupt, as well from principle as intereft, and en- 
 titled you to the fmiles of your emperor. A pro- 
 found genius for government is beft fhewn in the 
 choice of proper minifters and instruments ; and 
 never did prince poflefs this talent in a more emi- 
 nent degree than Tiberius Ctefar ; he has learned to 
 defpife the vulgar requifites of a miniiler, and dif- 
 covered that the unprincipled, the libertine, the 
 ignorant, the low-born, the bafe, and the infamous, 
 will moil readily pay that obedience which is fo ne- 
 ceflary to the vigour of government. Our fagacious 
 emperor has honoured with his confidence a fet of 
 men, whom princes of I.efs ability would have fear- 
 ed ; for he wifely judged, that while from religious 
 and political opinions they were enemies to his fa- 
 miiy and perfon, they muft from the fame caufe be 
 the firmeft friend to his fyftem of government. 
 Csefar difcovered in you the talents for governing; 
 and never fhall Verrcs difgrace the fagacity of his 
 royal matter. You feledled for your miniiler Cal- 
 vus, the cencurion, a man whofe education was fu it- 
 able
 
 232 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 able to the meannefs of his birth, and the humility 
 of his hopes whofe bafenefs of nature juflified the 
 obfcurity in which he had long remained whofe 
 fhare in your favour renders but more fignal the 
 contempt he meets with from the reft of the world 
 whofe pitiful abilities are calculated in one re- 
 fpeft for villainy, as they may render it unfufpeRed* 
 and throw men from their guard whole prudence 
 is gloomy cunning whofe dignity unfocial male- 
 volence whofe learning dark and crooked machi- 
 nations whofe reputation vindictive rancour, and 
 whofe politicks the petty tricks of a marking pawn- 
 broker or ufurer* a man who enjoys power without 
 being refpedlable, and while hediipenfesdignitiesand 
 honours, remains bafe and abjedl- who is hated and 
 defpifed even by the people who are led by his arts 
 who works in fecret to difleminate the corruption of 
 his own heart ; as fome malignant fpirit veils himfelf 
 in darknefs, while he fends abroad the peftilence. 
 You faw that this man wanted the ufual requifites 
 of a minifter learning, eloquence, reputable birth 
 extenfive connections, popular manners, and even 
 convivial talents ; but you faw in hir.i endowments 
 congenial to your own retired, fullen artifice, 
 grave auflerity, with contempt of decency, gloom, 
 phlegm, avarice, and meannefs. Sent to ruin a de- 
 voted province, refolved to crufh the family pride of 
 the haughty leaders, you commanded them to fall 
 down and worfliip, not the golden image which the 
 king fet up, but the heap of mud which you moulded 
 with your own hands into a fhapelefs emblem of au-r 
 
 thority.
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 233 
 
 thority. In this regular fcheme of deftru&ion, the 
 fubverfion of Epirus, the feat of education, was a 
 leading branch ; and you purfued the mojt effeSlual 
 means to accomplilh it, by your choice of a te- 
 trarcb. 
 
 You fought for a man, the moft eminently Jifqua- 
 ///W in the kingdom of Macedon (perhaps in the 
 Roman empire) and you have been fucc efsful to your 
 utmoft wifh ; you found Hipparcbus, whofe birth 
 promifed bafenefs, whofe man hood _/^/f//&/ the pro- 
 mife, whofe more advanced years afforded zfuperero- 
 gation of iniquity ; a man who with a mind too 
 attire to remain in inoffenfive/g-0/v7f, too <vjeak to 
 i-eafony/?/y, gathered from the writings of the fopb- 
 ifts a contempt for the eftablimed <vjorjhip, and all 
 that the Greeks hold moft facred. Without family 
 honour to be maintained ; without the honeft pride 
 derived from a virtuous anceftry ; with obfcurity of 
 birth to render neceflary the honours a court can 
 bellow, and vanity to feel their full importance. A 
 man who avowedly retailed his infamy, and drove 
 an open, fhamelefs trajpck with his compliances ; a 
 foreftaller in fervility, who while he forfook the 
 venal tribe for Jbort and rare intervals, merely to 
 enhance his wages, rendered himfelf more odious, 
 contemptible and guilty, by znajfeftation of publick 
 fpirit. A man who burlefqued patriotifm, made in- 
 dependence feem fabulous, and rendered vinue/uf- 
 picioui, while he fupported the caufe of his country, 
 only to injure it the more, by railing the market 
 
 price
 
 234 PRANCERIANA. 
 
 price of corruption. A blafphemer who pronounced 
 the name of virtue only to infuk her, and profeiTed a 
 regard to his country with his lips, while his heart 
 was far from her. At fome happy hour, when/m?- 
 c onfular majefty was fhrouded in the bailiff's hut; 
 when your grave minion found the reward of his 
 publick labours and his publick virtues in the cbajte 
 fmiles of an eafy fair one ; and the clemency and 
 chriftian charity of a pious, ancient, ceremonious go- 
 vernor, did not difdain the humble dwelling of fe- 
 male frailty ; his three guardian fpirits planned the 
 grandeur of Hipparchus. They fa t in judgment on 
 his paft life ; they found it unftained by any trace 
 of good ; any fcrupulous waverings ; any weak de- 
 viations into virtue or decency ; they fet him to 
 rule a feminary, of which he had mown a contempt 
 and hatred by fending his fon for education to a fo- 
 reign land. Yet his conduct has furpafled rhe moft 
 fanguine expectations ; and fhould his endeavours 
 fucceed to his wiih, the ftate he governs may foon be 
 fitted for beftowing a proper education moral and 
 martial on a child of Hipparchus. The firft care of 
 Hipparchas was to debafe the priefthood, by mewing 
 what a depth of malice and iniquity it could afford. 
 He placed at his right hand a man who fhames his 
 facred function, and renders profeffions of piety 
 abominable, by uniting them with thofe vices which 
 want the palliation of appetite, and are unconnected 
 with goodnefs of heart, gentlenefs of nature, and 
 foftnefs of manners. With the affiftance of this 
 minifter, he fearched among the profligate and 
 
 needy
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 235 
 
 needy forffies; he fmiled on them, gave them their 
 leflbns, and fent them forth to interrupt or betray 
 the freedom of intercourfe, mutual confidence, ge- 
 nerous opennefs, and honeft boldnefs, which Ihould 
 ever prevail among men of letters. To deftroy the 
 commerce of afFeftion, which mould ever fubfift be- 
 tvveen the teacher and ftudent, he next endeavoured 
 to debafe the office of preceptor with practices as 
 infamous and illegal as ever difgraced a follower of 
 the law in a country corporation ; nd he found 
 one fool, fo ambitious to be a villain, fo eager to 
 burn his incenfe before the leaden form of Moloch, 
 that he fet fire to the temple, and feared the wor- 
 Ihippers. His next care was to change the pre- 
 fcriptive diipofal of offices, and make employments 
 in the flate inftruments of oppreffion, or wages of 
 corruption. An outrageous man was by an outrage 
 palmed on the people, and violently obtruded (for 
 the moft iniquitous purpofes) into an employment, 
 which might give him power to harrafs the refrac- 
 tory, and exert an undue influence on the electors 
 officially. To reward his creatures, intimidate the 
 fcru/'U/ous, allure the covetous and punifh the _/?#- 
 born, half his fubjefts were robbed of the pofts, to 
 which in juftice and decency they were entitled, 
 that he might reward the pious director of his con* 
 frience with a fhamelefs accumulation of emolu- 
 ments. To break the fpirits of his undutiful fub- 
 jecls ; the native petulance which (in hopes of con- 
 verts) had foamed, champed and curvetted in 
 bridled, enforced, managed civility, foon rulhed 
 
 away
 
 z 3 6 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 away in magifterial harangue, reproach and infult. 
 This man has endeavoured with an unwearied dili- 
 gence and reftlefs activity, which can only be equal- 
 led by their fuccefs, to render himfelf odious and 
 ridiculous, and injure his country. The profeffion 
 of an advocate, the government of a confiderable 
 ftate, and the vocation of a minifterial drudge, 
 might afford employment enough to Jill, and infamy 
 enough to content an ordinary mind. The fenate- 
 houfe, the courts of juftice, the walls of his own city 
 might afford as many and notable occafions of 
 mewing malevolence, vanity, folly, ignorance, and 
 inability, as a reafonable man could defire ; but, the 
 vaft ambition of Hipparcbus (infatiable as his ava- 
 ricf) grows by gratification, and aims at a prodigi- 
 ous portentous infamy, before unknown and uncon- 
 ceivable. He thinks his labours too light, the 
 witneffes of his fhame too few ; and finds leifure 
 in the midft of pleadings doubly laborious from ig- 
 norance of law, minifterial machinations, fchemes of 
 reformation, oppreffion, and perfecution, for the po- 
 lite toils of compofition. The prefs too teems with 
 monuments of his genius and -virtues ; and he ap~ 
 peals to the whole empire for a certificate of fhame. 
 He feared that the memory of hisfol/y might perifh 
 with the fchemes it diftated, and immortalized 
 it with eloquence all his otvn. His 'virtues how- 
 ever require no fuch' blazon ; their fame mu ft be 
 Jailing as the injuries for which his country is in- 
 debted to him. He ftudioujly endeavoured to make 
 their feat of education vile in the fight of the 
 
 people
 
 PRANCERIANA. 237 
 
 people by falfe and malicious infinuations, and he 
 cajually obtained his defire by the Jlyle and compo- 
 Jition of his writings ; which ( like the writer ) 
 unite mcannefs with an attempt at dignity, and be- 
 come more vile and contemptible from an affec- 
 tation of excellence. His fchemes and his literary 
 labours had now (as we imagined) fixed the her- 
 culean pillars, beyond which it was impoffible to 
 find a region of abfurdity. We were foon unde- 
 ceived ; when a learnedy/^f, from the hallowed 
 feat of-juftice, told us that our ruler was a. public 
 nuifance, a violator of peace and civil order, a 
 rebel againft the laws, an author of guilty ex- 
 ample to the rifing generation. When we found 
 the man, to whofe care the education and protection 
 of the youth of a nation was entrufted, like a 
 hot-brained boy proud of his new fword, a tavern 
 trawler, a midnight rioter, the bully of a gaming 
 table, or the bravo of an harlot, throwing out 
 menaces of violence, and engaged in a combat 
 (in his own defpite) for which nothing could have 
 given him courage, but the tempting profpedl of 
 injuring his country, and the alluring intrinfic ab- 
 furdity of the meafure. The courage of this man 
 is exaftly like his fatriotifm j he hopes to find the 
 reputation of virtue in hypocrify, and to pafs 
 for hero by becoming Ruffian. The defcent of a 
 man who falls into infamy and guilt (like that of 
 a body to the earth) is accelerated every moment, 
 Hipparchus not only fcandalized and injured the 
 ftate he was fent to govern, by foolifh and pernici-
 
 238 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 ous fchemes, but fliewed himfelf the bafe and con' 
 temptibleym'^&r in their defence ; not fufficient- 
 ly ridiculous in the character of a pamphleteer, 
 this matter of furprizes came forth, to the aftonifh- 
 ment of the world, a duellijt ; not content with the 
 laurels reaped by fas Jingle arm, he muttered a band 
 of rioters, and fent them to proclaim his virtues, by 
 fuch an outrage as is fcarcely credible in a civilized, 
 feldom feen in the moft barbarous ftate ; and not 
 fatisficd with the oblique rays which this affair re- 
 flefted on him, he fet himfelf in a confpicuous point 
 of view, where its whole luftre converged. He and 
 his minions at the council defended thejuftice of the 
 aftion, protected the aftors, and forced to yield to 
 zjligbt punimment, one who added to the crime 
 of rioting the fending a challenge ; he converted 
 a ceremony intended for the maintenance of difci- 
 pline into an exhortation to outrage ; and inftead of 
 an admonition to a rioter, the fubjecls of Hipparchus 
 heard a libel on a peaceable, injured citizen, and a 
 panegyrick on riots. 
 
 In what a refpeftable and uncommon light the 
 governor of a learned community appears ! Sur- 
 rounded by his myrmidons, the moft unhappy aban- 
 doned youths of the ftate ; his pallid countenance, 
 deadly, maliciou*, and marked with anguifli, like 
 that of (omefe/on who has juft expired on the rack, 
 faintly enlivened with a malignant joy : and his 
 baneful eye glaring on the faithful ruffians with the 
 dim, fickly, malignant flame of an unwholfome 
 
 meteor
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 241 
 
 From rival wits and witlings fore, 
 
 The rhyming prank I long forebore ; 
 
 The malice of a thanklefs age 
 
 My pinions dipt, reftrain'd my rage, 
 
 To profe confin'd me for a time, 
 
 And brought afoberebb of rhyme; 
 
 But fee the maid again attend, 
 
 To fing my brother and my friend ; 
 
 Again the fpring-tidc wave o'erflows, 
 
 With profe in verfe or verfe in profe. 
 
 A thoufand bards thy praife endite, 
 But I the fubject claim, by right; 
 What bard can celebrate like me 
 Purfuits in which we both agree ? 
 From Gorge expecl the deathlefs name ; 
 The proper poet of thy fame. 
 Alike our ftudies and our arts, 
 With equal genius different hearts, 
 Dur fouls with flame congenial glow ; 
 \nd ah ! congenial fates we know. 
 vVith equal dngnity and praife, 
 
 fou wear the olive, I the bays ; 
 \like by cruel Fortune hurl'd, 
 
 To buffet with an envious world, 
 
 )ppreft with injuries and wrongs, 
 
 Midft evil days and evil tongues ; 
 
 Vhile taunting ridicule purfues 
 
 'RANCERO'S fcheines, and Howard's mufe, 
 
 Vhile merit wakes an envious tribe, 
 
 1'he poet's theme, the witlings gibe. 
 
 M Both
 
 242 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 Both fkill'd to rein the manag'd deed ; 
 And both renown'd for warlike deed ; 
 But you with piftols take the field, 
 While I the polifh'd rapier wield : 
 You dar'd an author to the fight, 
 An author-printer f own'd my might j 
 Here too the parallel we find ; 
 I dar'd the lame, and you the blind. 
 Proje&ors both and mighty planners ; 
 Both men of fine and polifh'd manners, 
 Alike adorn a viceroy's court, 
 With iiudied bow and graceful port ; 
 With happy airs with labourM cafe, 
 And courtly Stanhope's fkill to pieafe. 
 'Tis your's in fenate-houfe to ftiine, 
 In meeting of attornies mine. 
 Both writers of no mean degree, 
 You profe profefs, I poetry ; 
 
 Behind the maid I boldly ride, 
 
 Who fits on Pegafus aftride ; 
 
 While you're content to walk the ftree,t, 
 
 With her who trudges on her feet. 
 
 Both doom'd to wield the lucklefs pen, 
 
 'Midft fland'rous tribes of little men j 
 
 You fchemes for Alma's youth indite, 
 
 I rules lor young attornies write. 
 
 Criticks in building, planting, writing, 
 
 AdmirM for reading, and reciting j 
 
 While 
 
 * Mr. Doyle, who publi/hed an addrefsto the elcftars of 
 tha univerfity, in November 1774. 
 
 t George Faulkner, printer of the Dublin Journal.
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 243 
 
 While Alma's fons to fpeak you train, 
 I for their ufe fupply the fcene. 
 Soon may thy theatre arife ! 
 Thrice welcome fight to Howard's eyes. 
 There (hall my injur'd mufe have room, 
 And there my heroes find a tomb ; 
 There fliall Almeyda tread the ftage, 
 And there my Rival monarchs rage ; 
 There, while a nation crowds to hear, 
 Shall j0# and /the bufkin wear ; 
 You tread the ftage you built, my friend ! 
 And I perform the part I penn'd. 
 
 Return we to our parallel, 
 The points wherein we both excel. 
 Both boaft the fumptuous houfe, and plate, 
 The fplendid board, the lordly ftate ; 
 And each fupreme Mecenas fits, 
 To deal out ivy to the wits. 
 In tbis I own we difagree, 
 And blockheads give the palm to me ; 
 I've fomewhaiTnore of legal Ikill, 
 And fome few honeil fcruples ftill ; 
 While you, I muft allow perforce, 
 Are higher in Ambition's courfe ; 
 Twin brothers of refembling face, 
 Yet boafting each a feparate grace ; 
 The pleas' d fpeftator's eye we ftrike, 
 With features difFrent yet alike. 
 Alas, my brother and my friend ! 
 What cares, what toils thy age attend ! 
 
 M 2 Why,
 
 3 4 4 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 Why, brother, did thy noble zeal 
 
 So ftrongly glow for Alma's weal ? 
 
 Why would'fl thou rifque thy eafe and fame, 
 
 A moody murm'ring race to tame ? 
 
 To guide their wayward erring voice, 
 
 And kindly over-rule their choice, 
 
 To quell the rebel, votes to feek, 
 
 And know the toils of reading Greek. 
 
 As when a youngfter unaware, 
 
 Has mounted on a (kittim mare, 
 
 While now the vixen ftarts and prances, 
 
 Now kicks, now retrograde advances j 
 
 Legs, arms, fatigu'd, and head full addle, 
 
 He wifhes Satan in the faddle ; 
 
 Prancer on Alma's crupper mounted, 
 
 For toll by many a fool was counted ; 
 
 Yet Diall he (though the jade uncivil 
 
 Kicks, tears, and plunges, like a devil) 
 
 Trot on befpatier'd but unhurt, 
 
 Amidft an atmofphere of dirt ; 
 
 To NONSENSE happy province, guide her, 
 
 And long and luftily beftride her. 
 
 Or as when cat of mighty foul, 
 
 Is fet adrift in wooden bowl i 
 
 Adrift on ftranger element, 
 
 In wooden bark is Hely fent ; 
 
 The element, our feat of learning, 
 
 The wooden bowl his own diicerning ; 
 
 Yet fliall he brittle up his tail, 
 
 And fpit at dogs that bark and rail,' 
 
 At
 
 PRANCERIANA. 245 
 
 At Dionyfius* witty court, 
 (So heav'n ordain'd to make him fport) - 
 There dwelt, of /hallo w-pated fame, 
 A courtier Damocles his name 
 This man juft faw the flcin of things, 
 And thought no mortals bleft like kings. 
 
 * O what the joy, my liege ! (fays he) 
 
 * To be a monarch great like thee ; 
 
 * To fleep on purple, eat in plate, 
 
 * And live in luxury and ftate ; 
 
 ' Thus to be prais'd, and flatter'd ftill, 
 
 * And have a nation at one's will ; 
 
 ' Thoufands attending on my leifure ; 
 
 ' Thoufands employ'd to give me pleafure*' 
 
 The kingloll'd out a gibing tongue 
 
 For well he knew the fool was wrong ; 
 
 And winking to fome wags {food nigh ; 
 
 ' Would you the joys of empire try ? 
 
 ' Well to the trial I agree 
 
 ' Be 'for a week a king like me. 
 
 ' My crown, my fceptre I refign, 
 
 * My throne my guards, they all are thine.' 
 When kings command 'tis faid and done. 
 
 Lo ! Damocles upon the throne, 
 As big he look'd as Dublin's may'r, 
 Or Hely in the provoft's chair. 
 SiciliaVyouth to read he teaches, 
 He fummon'd boards, he utter'd fpeeches, 
 He altered laws, he publifh'd books, 
 And dealt preferment in his looks ; 
 
 He
 
 246 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 He fpeaks and lefturers are chairs ; 
 
 He nods lo ! Sicily at prayers. 
 
 He had his proje&s, and difguifes, 
 
 His hints, his whifpers, lies, furmifes ; 
 
 His tools, his flatt'rers, fpies and flaves, 
 
 Buffoons, informers, liars, braves ; 
 
 And chofc a rev'rend calm advifer, 
 
 A pious prieft, to make him wifer. 
 
 With flatt'ry ply'd from morn to noon, 
 
 He griev'd his reign muft end fo foon. 
 
 Oh, what the tranfports monarchs prove. 
 
 Blefs me ! what's that I fee above f 
 
 (For o'er him by a fingle hair, 
 
 That trembl'd at each breath of air, 
 
 A fword as vaft and weighty hung, 
 
 As e'er at belt of giant fwung) 
 
 If this be empire faith ! Til none.; 
 
 * Pluto for me may fill the throne. 
 
 * Take, Sir, I beg you take your pain 
 
 * Your fceptre and your fword again. 
 
 * No more their pomp to kings I grudge ; 
 4 Make me a bifhop, or a judge/ 
 
 No Damocles, my friend art thou > 
 That, even thy enemies allow : 
 No meddling, vain, officious fool, 
 Betray'd by ignorance, to rale, 
 And venture rafhly on a throne, 
 Its duties and its cares unknown.' 
 No 'twas no little love of felf,. 
 No thirft for grandeur, powV, and pelf, 
 
 No
 
 PRANCERIANA. 247 
 
 No paltry, minifterial end, 
 
 That made thee wim to reign, my friend ! 
 
 But 'twas thy love for /peaking, 'writing, 
 
 Devotion, horfemanjbip, and fighting. 
 
 And never flialt thou fhun the pains, 
 
 The toils that wait on him who reigns ; 
 
 Ne'er of thy talents Alma cheat, 
 
 But for thy country's fake be great. 
 
 Yet jhould thy weary age defire, 
 To place of {lumber to retire, 
 Should'ft thou unfinifh'd fchemes refign, 
 And on the feat of juftice fhine ; 
 With equal genius, equal knowledge, 
 Shall I fucceed and rule the college. 
 Yes in your place mail Gorgy fhine, 
 Succeffor by a right divine, 
 Your brother and adopted fon, 
 To end what you've fo well begun. 
 Who can fo well compleat your aims ? 
 As one who glows with kindred flames. 
 Who can a birth-day fpeech reward 
 Like me, an ancient birth-day bard ? 
 I'll train the youth in glory's road, 
 To pen, not only fpeech but ode ; 
 Strains that a viceroy's ear may fill, 
 
 Or through a full rotunda thrill. 
 
 Farewel my chairmen wait below, 
 This moment I'll to levee go, 
 To crave at old Sir Simon's hand, 
 A trifling, but a juft demand j 
 
 That
 
 248 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 That when you gain the chancellor's mace, 
 I may be provoft in your place. 
 Engrafted thus on Alma's name, 
 Together fliall we fpring to fame ; 
 As crab and medlar fcions grow, 
 Like brothers on one apple-bough. 
 Or as twin bladders pufFd with wind, 
 By truant fchool-boy left behind, 
 Together held by packthread bond, 
 Sail with the ftream in union fond, 
 So Gorge and Hely, fide by fide, 
 Shall down the tide of glory ride. 
 
 G. E, H. 
 
 No. 38.
 
 PRANCERIANA. 249 
 
 No. 38. Wednefday, March 8, 1775. 
 
 Me, naked me t to pofts, to pumpt they draw, 
 To jbame etefnal, or eternal law. Po v E . 
 
 THE Editor is extremely concerned at his 
 being unable to gratify the curiofity of the 
 Publick with the remainder of the authentick and 
 entertaining memoirs of Mrs. College *, as the copy 
 was, by an unlucky miftake, fold to a pailry cook 
 or tobacconift, along with fome rheams of a hiftory 
 of Ireland. He has, however, commenced a dili- 
 gent fearch through the paftry and muff fhops, in 
 hopes of recovering the copy ; and earneftly re- 
 quefts, that gentlemen who find Fragments of this 
 Work in envelopes of any commodity, will fend 
 them to the chambers of the Editor, No. 64, at the 
 old fide of the ne-iv or HA R COURT fquare in Tri- 
 nity college, that they may appear in a 2d Edition. 
 The Contents of a few Chapters were preferved, 
 and are here fubjoined. 
 
 CHAP, 
 
 * See the firft Chap, of thefe Memoirs, No. ag.
 
 2 S o P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 CHAP. II. 
 
 Jack Prance*t quarrel with Sir Gregory Goo r equill, 
 and the caufes of it Sir Gregory fends a challenge 
 to r jack t who (in imitation cf Cato'i reading the 
 Ph*&n of P!ato before he killed hi mfe'f) reads 
 Fletcher's Comedy of -re LJTTLK FRENCH LAW- 
 YER, on the night preceding the combat. 
 
 CHAP. III. 
 
 Sexakcl Blac kletter the Printer, and a fet of un- 
 lucky beys, amufe thcmfelves with throwing the 
 fun on Jack from a mirror Jack breaks his nofe 
 againft BezaleePs rubrick-poft, and vows revenge 
 Doctor Pcm/<o/o,ever obfequious to the wiflies of his 
 friends, puts on a green apron, goes difguifed like a 
 faufage-man, with a bafket on his (boulder, and 
 fells poifoned black-puddings to the Printer. 
 
 CHAP. IV. 
 
 This fcheme of well-concerted vengeance mif- 
 carries, by a cat's unluckily eating the puddings 
 and Jack difappointed in his attempt, refolves to 
 add the lion's fang to the fox's tail He hires a mob 
 to feize the offender, and proves to them the juftice, 
 
 legality
 
 PRANCE. R IAN A. 251 
 
 legality and humanity of the undertaking, in a moft 
 eloquent harangue. 
 
 CHAP. V. 
 
 The cavalcade fets out on this grand enterprize - 
 it is joined by doftor Dilemma and Billy Slabbering- 
 bib, difguifed like chimney -fweepers, and doftor 
 Pompofo in the habit of a news-hawker all ftrata- 
 gems in war arc lawful ; Bezaleel is feized, carried 
 off in triumph, arraigned, condemned, and fen- 
 tenced to the difcipline of the Pump. 
 
 CHAP. VI. 
 
 The ceremony of pumping defcribed, with a 
 hiflorical diflertion on it's antiquity and origin, by 
 doftor Pompofo Bezaleel is folemnly tried, con- 
 demned and admonijbed * for wafting the water of 
 the fchool, by being pumped. 
 
 CHAP. VII. 
 
 JACK PRANCE becomes univerfally odious and 
 contemptible Juftice JBook-ivorm -f recommends it 
 
 to 
 
 An old joker, who in all the ballads and jeft books of thofe 
 times is called Slack PJsil, being told that Jack had admoniflied 
 Blackletter, on account of his being pumped, " Weil ! Well ! 
 fays he, let him take care of himfelf } if he fcuuid throw any 
 ratre reflections upon Prance, he will certainly expe! him." 
 
 f If we may credit the hiftories of thofe tiroes, there did not 
 fubfift any very cordial affection between Jack and this gentle- 
 man*
 
 252 P R A N C E R I A N A. 
 
 to the grand-jury at the quarter-feffions, to preftnt 
 him as a nuifance-&nd Jack vows he'll get a vote 
 pafled againft him in vefiry The people petition 
 the royal infpeflors of the fchool to remove Jack 
 They make anfwer, that the fchool ftinks in the 
 nofes of the people ; that they will vifit it imme- 
 diately, and fet all things to rights All the nobi- 
 lity and gentry remove their fons from the fchool, 
 and fend them to foreign countries Jack Prance, 
 defeated in all his fchemes, particularly in his fa- 
 vourite one of procuring his fon Dicky to be elefted 
 one of the monitors of the fchool, hangs himfelf 
 Dodlor Dilemma, after ftudying the fpeech of Anthony 
 on Casfar, pronounces his funeral oration The 
 boys make a great bonefire Doctor Allwortty, one 
 of the oldeft ufhers of the fchool, a man of the moft 
 amiable character, and of profound learning, par- 
 ticularly 
 
 man. Being alked whether he had read a panegyrick which 
 Jack had written on himfelf (full of bad Englifli and Prancer- 
 ifms) called the Complete Scboolmafler, or CbHeTt Guide ; Aye, 
 aye, fays Bookworm, I have ; really his friends ought to be very 
 careful of him ; the poor gentleman has got a flying gout about 
 him they ought to endeavour to keep it in his feet. A young 
 gentleman of the bar having fpoken fomewhat longer than 
 ufual before the fame juftice, he told the barrifter, after the 
 rifing of the court, that he was glad to fee him appear to fuch 
 advantage ; but having had a regard for his father, he would 
 venture to give him a little advice " Never, my good friend, 
 make long fpeeches; it has indeed done well enough with 
 
 H n (a nickname that Jack went by) but you fee how mi- 
 
 ferably it has fucceeded with Fedy F d.
 
 P R A N C E R I A N A. 253 
 
 ticularly in the mathematical branches, is appointed 
 mafter of the fchool Univerfal rejoicings through- 
 out the kingdom on the news being fpread that 
 Jack Prance had put an end to himfelf The fchool 
 reftored to its former reputation and all the gentry 
 bring back their children. 
 
 FINIS.
 
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