THE LIBRARY
OF
THE UNIVERSITY
OF CALIFORNIA
LOS ANGELES
^- r
PRANCERI
SELECT COLLECTION
O F
FUGITIVE PIECES,
PUBLISHED SINCE THE
APPOINTMENT
or THE
PRESENT PROVOST
OF THE
UNIVERSITY OF DUBLIN,
Ntxla milk modis lacerabltur umbra j tuafque
JEacm in punas ingen'mfui erit.
In ti tranfcribet veterum tormenta reorum ;
Manibus entiquis caufa quietit erit. OVID,
DUBLIN:
MDCCLXXV,
(PRICE, fewcd 2?. 84. h.)
ERRATA.
P. 14 1. 19 for unveiled read unnoticed.
6z 1. a6 after po<w'r put a full Stop.
1 30 1. 1 7 for troth read Truth.
158 1. 23 for time read Term.
1 60 1. 15 for gfmmcmfVL&.Ge'mmeii.
4Oi 1. a 3 for _^f.r read rings.
104 1. a for ultera noftra read a/^r^
ib. 1. 3 for aura read era. \noftra.
139 I. 3 for teurtt- read Csurff.
?
TO THE RIGHT HON.
J N H- -Y H N,
DOCTOR OF LAWS,
P. T. C.
LATE MAJOR IN THE FOURTH REGI-
MENT OF HORSE ;
REPRESENTATIVE IN THE LATE AND
PRESENT PARLIAMENT OF THE
CITY OF CORKE ;
ONE OF HIS MAJESTY'S COUNCIL AT LAW;
REVERSIONARY REMEMBRANCER OF
THE EXCHEQUER ;
REVERSIONARY SECRETARY OF STATE;
ONE OF HIS MAJESTY'S MOST HONOUR-
ABLE PRIVY COUNCIL;
AND SEARCHER, PACKER, AND GAUGER
OF THE PORT OF STRANGFORD.
MY DEAl FRIEND AND COUNTRYMAN,
IH A V E fo often told you how much I ad-
mired the verfatility of your genius and
the multiplicity of your purfuits, that it is un-
b neceflary
877006
iv DEDICATION.
neceflary for me to trouble you, in the ufual
ftyle of dedications, with a fulfome eulogium
on your chara&er. Even Envy, when fhe
reads the motley lift at the head of this dedica-
tion, muft own that HARLEQUIN or PRO-
TEUS never underwent fo many metamor-
phofes as you have done. Having thus, there-
fore, immortalized your literary, fenatorial,
forenfick, military, and commercial abilities,
by creeling to your glory a pillar more durable
than brafs, decorated with a fhort but fignifi-
cant infcription, I mail proceed at once to that
bufinefs which is the occafion of my thus pub-
lickly addrefling you.
As we have had fo greatly the advantage in
the late literary contefts in the univerfity over
which you now fo worthily prefide, I thought
I could not do a more acceptable fer-
vice both to you and to the great fociety to
which I belong, than to collect into one view
the fugitive pieces that have iffued from the
prefs, fince you did us the honour to come
among us. We mail damn our adverfaries to
DEDICATION. v
everlafting fame, by thus perpetuating their
wretched productions.
With refpeft to myfelf I fcorn to fteal a
wrearh from any man's brow in order to adorn
my own ; and therefore beg leave to inform the
publiek that I am not anfwerable for any
of the pieces in this colle&ion, except
thofe figned with my own name or that of
EUSEBIUS. It is quite unneceflary to tell
them that all thofe with the fignature of Mo-
DERATOR, and THE ACCOUNT of the new
Collegiate Regulations, are yours. Your ftyle is
marked by fuch particularities, fo diftinguifhed
by certain graces beyond the reach of art, that
every frejhman is now perfectly acquainted with
it. I have taken care to print my famous di-
lemma in capitals, as it is the great bulwark of
our caute, and as you have been fo kind as to
fay (pardon my pleafantry) that it is the moil
capital piece of diale&icks that has appeared
fince the celebrated dilemma of Protagoras, re-
corded by Aulus Gellius.
It
vi DEDICATION.
It gives me inexpreflible pleafure to think
that we (hall thus go down together to pofte-
rity, and to have this opportunity of afluring
you that I am, Excellent Sir !
The humbleft, and moil
Obfequious of your vaflals,
NATHAN BEN SADDI.
CON-
CONTENTS.
No. i. TO the Fe/k-ws and Scholars of the uni-
vcrfity of Dublin.
2. A congratulatory addrefs to the Provoft,
figned JUVBNIS, by order of the whole
body.
3. MODERATOR to the Publick He vindi-
cates his conduct.
4. VERAX to the Publick, in anfwer to the
foregoing Addrefs.
5. A Friend to independence States the con-
duft and arguments of Dr. DILEMMA.
6. EUSEBIUS to the PRINTER of the FREE-
MAN'S JOURNAL Vindicates his friend
Dr. DILEMMA.
7. STULTIFEX to EUSEBIUS Criticifm on
that writer.
8. A FATHER to the Rev. W. H. On
the duty of a College Tutor.
9. The fame fubjeft continued.
10. PHILO DID ACTOR to the fcholars of the
houfe States the conduft of the Pro-
voft, and his agents, with refpeft to the
approaching general eleftion.
ii. From
viii CONTENTS.
No. 1 1 . From the fame to the fame.
12. The fame fubjeft continued.
13. NATHAN BEN SADDI to the Printer of
the Hibernian Journal Confeffes him-
felf agent to the ProVoft Vindicates his
own conduct.
14. A Scholar of the Houfe to the Rev. Mr.
Torrent Warns him not to forfeit the
efteem of the Scholars, by fupporting
Black Phil at the enfuing ele&ion.
15. HEROICS EPISTLE from BIDDY FITZ-
PATRICK to WILLIAM DOYLE, Efq;
16. CHARIDEMUS to HIPPARCHUS on his
general character and late promotion.
17. THE VOTE-TRAP ; or, a new art of
electioneering Dialogue between PRAN-
CERO and Dr. POMPOSO New rules
for fpeaking in parliament Epigram on
dancing being permitted in the College. .
18. MODERATOR'S fecond addrefs to the
Publick.
19. ANTI-MODERATOR'S remarks on the
foregoing addrefs.
20. MODERATOR'S third addrefs to the Pub-
lick.
21. MODERATOR- -to his refpedable conftitu-
ents in the CITY of CORKE.
22. From the fame to the fame.
23. The
CONTENTS. ix
No. 23. The eleventh ode of the fecond book of
HORACE imitated to Sir John Bla-
quiere.
24. CHARIDEMUS to HIPPARCHUS Re-
commends moderation, and a lefs direft
attack on the rights of his people.
25. ANN us MIRABILIS The prize poem
for 1775.
z6. The Pro'voJFs ACCOUNT of the regulati-
ons made fince his appointment.
27. STULTIFEX ACADEMICUS to the Stu-
dents of the UNIVERSITY Criticifm
on the foregoing ACCOUNT.
28. OLD SLYBOOTS to the Printer of the
HIBERNIAN JOURNAL. The fame fub-
jec~l continued.
29. Hiftory of Mrs. COLLEGE.
30. MARTINUS SCHOLASTICUS to the Prin-
ter of the HIBERNIAN JOURNAL
Vindicates the Provojfs ACCOUNT of
his regulations.
31. CHARIDEMUS to HIPPARCHUS on du-
elling When excufeable Indefenfiblc
in the governor of a learned city.
32. Me BREACHER'S DECREE.
33. CHARIDEMUS to HIPPARCHUS. Re-
view of his conduct.
34. From
x CONTENTS.
No. 34. From the fame to the fame. Exhorts the
electors of the College to unanimity and
firmnefs. Account of an outrage com-
mitted on a popular Printer.
35. CHARIDEMUS tothe CITIZENS of DUB-
LIN Exhorts them to mew a proper
refentment at the outrage offered to the
whole body, in the perfon of one of
their fellow citizens.
36. CHARIDEMUS to VERRES Hiftory of
the outrage offered to Mr. Mills Con-
duct of Hipparchus with refpecl to it.
37. FAMILIAR EPISTLE from G
H , Efq; to the right hon. J
38. Fragments of the memoirs of Mrs. Col-
lege.
P R A N-
PRANCERIANA.
No. I. Saturday, September 3, 1774.
$>uos tibi Fortuna ludos facts ? Fads enim ex profeffo-
ribus fenatores, ex fenatoribus profej/ores.
PLIN. EPIST.
TO THE FELLOWS AND SCHOLARS OF TRCNITY-
COLLEGE.
* T F the motives which might draw you afide
J[ from your duty were extremely forcible, if
there were no eyes upon your conduct except
your own, if the truft repofed in you were lefs
facred, if your refentment had been iwakened by a
{lighter indignity than that which you have fo lately
futfered, I Ihould ftill exped that you would aft as
B ftould
* It is obfervable that the late Dr. Andrews was the firft in-
ftance of the Provoft of the Univerfity of Dublin obtaining a
feat in the Houfe of Commons, as Mr. Hutchinfon is the firft
example of a member of parliament being appointed Provoft of
that Univerfity. But we find from Juvenal as well as Pliny,
that there is nothing new under the fun.
Si Fortuna volet, fa de rbetore cottful,
Si volet bac eadem, fet de confule rbttor.
2 PRANCERIANA.
Ihould become you. You will foon be called upon
to decide whether a man, with whom a connexion
or an intimacy would lately have been a condemna-
tion, has become, by any change of circumftance,.
a fit perfon to nominate your reprefcntatives. If
your alma mater has derived any advantage or dig-
nity from his appointment, if his own publick
conducl willjuftify your credulity in thofe whom
he may recommend, you will reward his difinte-
refted attention to your concerns, you will mew
every refpecl to the choice of a chief governor, to
whom nothing has appeared fo important as the
education of the youth of Ireland. But if your fo.
ciety has been confpicuoufly infulted ; if the
flighteft minifterial arrangement has been preferred
to your honour, to your interefts, and to the virtues
of pofterity ; if your right of returning members to
parliament has been amongft the foremoft induce-
ments to this outrage againft your privileges ; will
it be very fanguine in this nation to expedt that you
will not be acceffary to the ruin of Jrifh literature,
that you will not enfure future injuries to your fo-
ciety by a gratitude for the pad ? A government
borough fo readily corrupted, will never be in-
trufted to any but the moil confidential hands. The
motives to fuch a corruption are almoft beneath
computation. Who are fo independent as the fel-
lows ? The fcholars of the houte neither owe their
appointments to Mr. Hutchinfon's partiality, nor
hold them by his favour. To a tranfgreffing indi-
dividual his feverity may be formidable; againft
your united indignation, his malice would be im-
potent.
PRANCERIANA. 3
potent. What then are thofe powers by which he
is to corrupt the young, and to frighten the inde-
pendent ? Powers of injuring, which women would
defpife ; powers of rewarding, by which a Cornilh
borough would not be corrupted. Without any
connection except that of the undoer with the un-
done, Mr. Hutchinfon expects to dictate to you,
where the conftitution has made you free. Two
months ago, a political recantation would hardly
have procured him toleration amongft you. You
are now to confider how a new crime can recom-
mend him.
If, contrary to the jult expectations of the pub-
lic, to gratitude, and to the truft repofed in you,
you mould betray the interefts of that fcciety
which fupports you, be not ignorant that all other
infamy would be obliterated by yours. Not the
miferable mechanick who throws away that confti-
tution which he knows not how to eftimate, not the
poor, the ignorant, the flattered, or the deceived
elector, but the learned, the independent, the
young, the injured will monopolize the publick in-
dignation men will then fay, it is not Harcourt,
it is not Hutchinfon that has undone our univeriity
but its own guardians Not the general who cor-
rupts the garrifon but the foldier who betrays it, is
the moft infamous of men. Lord Harcourt gave
them but one Hutchinfon ; all his fucceflbrs who
fhall referable him are appointed by the fervility
of Trinity College. That flight eftimation in which
he held them, and in which he was not miftaken,
B 2 rather
4 PRANCERIANA.
rather does credit to his capacity For it is certain,
that very few at that time, knew them fo welL
Rather let every father return him thanks for hav-
ing made known the true character of our Univer-
fity. The body, wkich in fuch circumftances,
could reject an Hujfey,never can produce another *.
V&BBSH^^
No. 2. Wednefday, November 16, 774-
Diu
Lateque vifirices cater*v<s
Confiliis JUVENIS revifta
Senfere quid metis rite, quid indoles
Nutritafaujlisfub penetralibus
Po/et. HOR.
An ADDRESS t the Right Honoured and mo ft learned
JOHN HELY HUTCHINSON, Efq; Pro-vojl of
the College of the Ho!} and Undivided Trinity, near
Dublin.
WE your Provoftfhip's moft dutiful and loyal
pupils, the ftudents of Trinity College,
Dublin, do moft humbly prefume to approach
your prefence, and congratulate you on your eleva-
tion to the ftation of Provoft of this College, which
your furprifing knowledge in every branch of hu-
man erudition has fo wonderfully qualified you for.
With
* Since the writing of the above, the independent eleflor&
of the univerfity have nominated Walter Hufley and Edmond
Malone, Efqrs. as proper perfons to reprefent them in the en-
Cuing parliament.
PRANCERIANA. 5
With admiration we behold a perfon of your ho-
nourable and reputable extraction, incorruptible in-
tegrity, nervous eloquence, and gracefulnefs of per-
fon ; in fhort, a being pofleffed of fo many rare
endowments of body and mind, that though it be
impoflible to pronounce in which of thefe you ex-
cel, yet the one ferves to add the greater brilliancy
to the other ; placed as you now are at the head of
a fociety which may, if not viewed in the blaze of
your perfections, be called learned ; and we con-
gratulate ourfelves that we happen to be members
of the univeifity at a time, when you, who are the
Decus et Columen Patrice, are wifely placed as a
crutch to fupport our Alma Mater, tottering under
infirmities from internal difurders.
How do our breafts fwell with gratitude to the
difcerning and gracious Harcourt, and his fagaci-
ous fecretary, Sir John Blaquiere ? To thefe excel-
lent judges of literary merit, did you wifely and
happily for this feminary, difplay your knowledge
of Thucydides and Demofthenes peri Stepbanou ; con-
vinced them, (and eafily they were convinced,
fuch is the force of your oratory) that Scaliger and
Cafaubon were but novices to you ; and that paf-
fages which were to thefe critics inexplicable, ea-
fily yielded up their hitherto hidden treasures to
your all-fubduing fagacity, and were even known
to your illuftrious progeny a Cunalulis, by intuition :
Hence this delegate and fub-delegate of Majefty,
fubdued by the inceffant repeticion of Thucjdides,
and Demoflbengs perl Stephancu, as the moon by the
B 3 incantations
6 P R A N C E R I A N A.
incantations of Circe, eafily yielded to your de/ires,
and conftituted you Provoft merely for the emolu-
ment of the Refpublica Literarta.
With mame we muft confefs, that none of our
prelent fellows were equal to the arduous tafk of
governing this college, and promoting the ftudy of
the fine arts. Drones as they are, which of them
was qualified to be profdrbr of equeftrian exer-
cifes ? The inftitution of that illuftrious profefibr-
fhip was referved to grace the asra of your govern*
ment. Profeflbrs of dancing, fencing, &c. we may
expeft from your unwearied endeavours to promote
the intereft of this great feminary, and to render us
all humble, though diftant imitators of your moft
graceful deportment.
Permit us to aflure you, moft learned Sir, as your
promotion has been fo much owing to your inti-
mate acquaintance with, and repetition of thefe ca-
baliftical expreflions, Tbueydides and Demoftbenes
peri Stepbanou ; that every man of us will incef-
fantly repeat thofe words, in humble imitation of
your profound learning, of which they have been,
as it were, the teft, feal and mark, in the prefence
of every great man whom we may occafionally be
in company with ; and that we fhall moft carefully
praclife and encourage the art of harmonioufly ha-
ranguing upon nothing, of which ufeful fcience you
daily prove yourfelf a compleat mafter, as well in
the fenate as at the bar, in both places fpeaking for
hours, nay whole days together, without uttering
PRANCERIANA. 7
one arguirent of which the moft acute fenator or
barrifter can take hold,
Suffer us then, Potofi of erudition, humbly to lay
ourfelves at your feet, and implore your protection,
and to aflure you, 'that when a period ftiall be put
to this prefcnt parliament, we will all chearfully
concur in electing for members, to reprefent this
univerfity, fuch perfons as you mail condefcend to
nominate ; firmly relying, that you will dictate to
our choice, for that important truft, perfons only,
who will be as difinterefted as yourfelf, and though
not equal to you in learning, (a thing in its nature
impoffible,) yet as learned as you can procure,
and fuch as have been educated in that nurfe of
genius, the ill uftrious college of Eton, near Wind-
for; whofe lively imaginations have not been fullied
by the laborious ftudy of philofophy, which to the
difgrace of all true gentleman-like education, is yet
permitted to dwell within this college; but which
we hope foon to fee totally expelled, under your
aufpices, by preceptors in horfemanfhip, fencers,
dancers, and muficians : and we alfo prefume to
affurejoar learned eminenee, that we mail, on atl
other occafions be your moft humble Jla<ues ; to con-
vince every future chief governor, that no member
of this univerfity ought to be taken notice of by his
Majetty'sfervants, on a future vacancy of theprovoft-
Ihip, (which heaven for a long term of years avert !
Serus in Ccelum redeas ! ) but that perfons equally
well flcilled with your eminence, in all kind of par-
B 4, liamentary
8 PRANCERIANA.
liamentary fervice to the crown, are the only per-
fons qualified to fuperintend the education of the
youth of this happy and flouriflung kingdom.
(Signed by order of the reft)
J U V E N J S.
No. 3. Monday, November 28, 1774.
QUOJ ego fed motos preftat componerefufius. Vi R G .
To THE PUBLICK.
MANY attempts having been lately made
to influence the minds of the Scholars,
directly tending to the fubverfion of all difci-
pline and fubordination in the Univerfity, for
preventing thofe ruinous confequences, it is be-
come neceffary to ftate to the public the truth
of the tranfaclion which has been made the pre-
text for much mifreprefentation :
On Wednefday the 9th inflant, at two o'clock,
the head porter of the College brought the Provoft
a paper, which had been potted that day upon the
great gate of the chapel, in the words following :
" The electors of the College are requefted to meet
" this
PRANCERIANA. 9
" this day at two o'clock, at Ryan's in Fovvnes's-
" ftreer, to confider of proper perfons to be put in
" nomination as candidates for this Univerlity at the
" enfuing general elec'Hon." The Provoft did not
enter into the occafion of this meeting, but confider-
ed the porting of a notice in the College for the af-
fembling of the Scholars at a tavern, as a dangerous
innovation, and as an example of the moft pernici-
ous tendency to the tranquility, and good govern-
ment of the College ; and, therefore, fent the two
deans to inform the young gentlemen afl'embled,
that he did not enter into the fubjecl of their meet-
ing, but ordered them to difperfe, and retire to their
rooms ; they at firil refufed, but the Provoft having
again fent the two deans to them to warn them of
the fatal confequences of their difobedience, they
difperfed. On the next day the Provoft thought it
his duty to confult the Senior Fellows upon thisoc-
cafion, and having recommended the moft gentle
mode of proceeding that could be thought of, refer-
red the decifion to them, and with their concur-
rence, and in their prefence reproved the Scholars
who had aflembled, in the following words :
" Gentlemen Scholars of the Houfe,
" In confequence of the unanimous opinion of
" this board,l am to reprove you for your affembling
' yefterday at Ryan's tavern, as fuch meetings tend
' to the iubverfion of difcipline, the diilurbance of
" the peace, and the interruption of the ftudies of
"the
ro P R A N C E R I A N A.
" the College; and alfo for yourrefufal to difperfe,
" and retire to your rooms, when the Provoft fent
" the two deans to you with his orders to that pur-
'* pofe : and I am happy that your difperfing after
" receiving a fecond order from the Provoft, has
* put it in the power of the board to avoid inflicl-
" ing a feverer punifhment than this reproof, which
" I give you in the performance of my duty; and
" the board hope you will have a juft fenfe of their
" lenity upon this occafion, and expeft that this
" will be a fufficient caution to you not to repeat
" thofe ofFences for the future."
The power of the Scholars to meet for nominat-
ing candidates was never confidered, nor was it ne-
ceffary or proper to be confidered by the Provoft or
the board; but the Provoft in difperfing, and the
board in reproving, did not in any refpeft interfere
with the defign of their meeting, butacied only with
a view to the difcipline of the college.
The difperfing the aflembly of Wednefday the
9th inftant, could have anfwered no eledlion pur-
pofe; the impracticability of preventing the Scholars
of the houfe, if fo difpofed, from affociating or no-
minating candidates, is obvious ; and enforcing the
difcipline of the College in this inftance againft
tbofe gentlemen, as ftudents, muft have offended
them as ele&ors ; but, a meeting of the Scholars at
a tavern, in Term time, and in confequence of a no-
tice potted in the College for that onrpofe, is a tran-
faclion
P R A N C E R I A N A. u
faction unheard of in any Univerfity, and would
have been fubverfive of all order in this, if the Pro-
voft had not interpofed, after having received official
information of it.
The electors of the College have the fame rights
with all other eledors ; tbofe rights have never been
queftioned, and the fulleil exercife of them is per-
fedtly confident with the prefervation of good order
in the College. But, it fliould be remembered that
the Scholars of the houfe are ftudents as well as cleft ~
ors ; that they are all of them very young men,
and feveral of them under age ; that fome of them
will ceafe to be electors before a vacancy mall hap-
pen, and others will not then have that capacity
from being minors ; and that, if the fubjedl of elec-
tion, when there is no vacancy, mall be confidered
as a fufficient realbn for the Scholars aflembling in
town whenever they mall think proper, they may
do fo at any time or times, from one parliament to
another, and the power of the Provoll and Fellows
to keep them in the College, upon which the whole
fyftem of difcipline principally depends, will be en-
tirely fubverted.
Let experience be appealed to, and if will be
found, that there has never been an inftance of
iuch a meeting, when there was no vacancy, either
in this or any other college.
iz PRANCERIANA.
The fenior fellows have unanimoufly cenfured
this meeting, as tending to fubvert the difcipline,
difturb the peace, and interrupt the ftudies of the
college. Thofe gentlemen are of known ability
and integrity j have been for many years conver-
fant in the government of this univerfity, and can-
not be luppofed to have been influenced by any
other motives than the general good of the fo-
cie'ty.
If any thing oppreflive or arbitrary mould be at-
tempted in this univerfuy, the publick has a right
to animadvert ; but if in mere matters of difcipline
there is to be an appeal to the publick, from the
unanimous determination of the provoft and fenior
fellows, the government of this great and numerous
fociety will become impracticable.
The ftatutes of the college oblige the fcholars to
obey the provoft in all matters of difcipline. The
fcholars of the houfe are fworn to obey the ftatutes,
and to obey the provoft in all things honeft and
lawful, with the readieft will and zeal } and confe-
quently are bound to follow his directions in all
matters of difcipline, which the provoft may, in all
cafes, not exprefsly provided for by the ftatutes,
cither determine himfelf or refer to the board ; the
Jatter method was upon this occalion adopted, as
the moft moderate, and the leaft liable to mifrepre-
fentatioQ.
The
PRANCERIANA. 13
The only objection to the beft difciplined, and
one of the moft learned univerfities in the world, is
its fituation in a metropolis. Great pains have
been taken to guard againft this inconvenience, by
not permitting the (Indents to refort to the city,
but under certain reftriftions. If the fcholars of the
houfe fhall be allowed to aflemblp in the city in great
numbers, and to fix up notices for that purpofe, and
if the heat and violence of party (hall find their way
from the city into the college ; that objection will
alarm every thinking man in this kingdom.
This is not the caufe of the provoft, or of the
fenior fellows ; it is the caufe of your fons and
kinfmen, of the rifing generation, and of pofterity.
Allay tbofe ferments ; fuffer not the peace of this
fociety to be longer difturbed ; and do not ren-
der it impoffible for the provoft and fellows to do
their duty by your own children.
From this true (late of fals, every man of dif-
cernment muft fee that the difperfing this meeting
was calculated folely for the welfare and tranquility
of the ftudents, and could have had no poffible view
of reftraining their liberty, or influencing their
votes ; and that a connivance at fuch a meeting,
though it might have flattered the young gentlemen,
would have been criminal in the governor of a col-
lege, who, in this inftance, facrificed every view
of election policy to the faithful and difmterefted
performance of his duty.
MODERATOR,
M
P-RANCERIANA.
No. 4. Monday, December 5, 17/4.
Who dares think one thing and another tell,.
My heart detefts him as the gates of hell.
TO THE PRINTER OF THE HIBERNIAN JOURNAL;
AN addrefs to the publick, iigned, Moderator,
appeared in your Journal of the 28th of
November laft ; which, from the length and
inanity of its periods and arguments, and its flu-
died mixture of falfhood and truth, may, with the
greateft probability, be concluded to have been the
production of the pen of our provoft ; and as the
public may be mifled by this addrefs, and the
jobbing, the petulance, ignorance, and incapacity
for his employment of this little intruder, pafs on
the uninformed public as zeal for the welfare of this
unfortunate feminary, if the untruths and misrepre-
fentations contained in it were to contiuue unveil-
ed, I have thought proper to mark the feveral
falmoods, and mifreprefentations of this piece, in
their order ; at the fame time ailuring the publick,
that I have had the beft information of every tranf-
a&ion relative to the meeting of the fcholars of the
college
P R A N C E R I A N A. i s
college on the gth of November ; their arbitrary
and unwarrantable difperfion ; and the proceed-
ings of the provoft and board thereon : and that
tho' I heartily abhor the intruder, and the fliame-
lefs adminiftration who made him our governor,
yet my abhorrence {hall not caufe me to fwerve
from the ftricleft truth.
Firft, the provoft infinuates, that, " he gained
"his intelligence of this meeting of the fcholars,
" at two o'clock on the gth of November, when
" the paper mentioned in his addrefs was brought
'* him by the head porter, officially ;" now, I af-
fert, that the faft was not fo j but that he had no-
tice of the intended meeting of the fcholars on the
8th of Nov. from a mean, warm, weak man in the
college, who afts for him in the double capacity of
a fpy, and an adviier, and by whofe intemperate
counfels he is wife enough to be chiefly guided in
college affairs ; and that he determined to leave the
Four-courts early on the pth of Nov. in order to dif-
perfe that meeting ; which he did accordingly dif-
perfe, in the manner he has mentioned : and that
on the morning of that day he had given orders to
the head porter to watch and bring him any paper
which might be pofted on the gates of the college.
Next he aflerts, that he was influenced to dif-
perfe it, from confidering " the pofting of a no-
* tice in the college for aflembliag the fcholars at a
" tavern, as a dangerous innovation, and as an ex-
*' ample of the mod pernicious tendency to the
" tranquillity
16 PRANCERIANA.
" tranquillity and good government of the college ;
" and that he did not enter into the occafion of this
" meeting." What a plaufible, and at the fame
time, moft flagrant falfhood is this ? In order to ex-
pofe it fufficiently, I muft necefTarily give an 'ac-
count of the caufe of this meeting, and mew that
all the prefent ferment and diforder in the col-
lege has originated from the provoft himfelf. A
few days before the meeting, the provoft fent for all
the tutors in the college, and told them he intended
at the next general election, to recommend two
candidates to the choice of the univerfity, one of
whom (hould be his own fon, and requefted their
yetes and interefti with their refpe&ive pupils, who
are fcholars of the houfe. This was received as
the very fignal for electioneering. Such of the fcho-
lars as refented the barbarous treatment the college
had received from government, in robbing them of
their greateft, and, indeed, the almoft only valuable
prize they had for literary merit, and bellowing it on
a little parliamentary brawler, immediately caught
the alarm ; and thinking that this was the time
to {hew their refemment, by afierting their inde-
pendency, and convincing adminiflration that they
would return two members as difagreeable to the
court as poffible ; and that they might, perhaps, by
this meafure, fecure the reverfion of the provolllhip
to the coll ge, agreed that it would be proper to
have a meeting for the purpofe of nominating two
candidates ; and accordingly the paper mentioned
in the provoft' s addrefs, was pofted on the gate of
the
PRANCERIANA. 17
the chapel . The provoft getting intelligence of this
intended meeting at the time, and from the perfon
before mentioned, determined to difperfe it, from
the fole motive of preventing the fcholars from no-
minating two candidates contrary to his intereft,
and not from any of the motives mentioned in his
addrefs : of thjs any perfon may be convinced who '
will confider the following circumftances. Firft, I
am well informed, that he himfelf told the board,
which he aflembled on this affair, that he had notice
of this meeting the day before it was held ; and that
he came home early on^ the gth of Nov. from the
Four-courts, in order to difperfe it, and had given
the aforementioned order to the head porter j fo that
he would have difperfed them in the fame manner, if
the notice had not been pofted : the porting of the no.
tice, therefore, was no part of his motives fordifperfing
the meeting, as he afferts. Secondly, The meeting of
the fcholars at a tavern, on fuch an occafion, was
not contrary to any of the ftatutes of the college,
and therefore he had no right whatfoever to take
fuch notice of it. The frequenting of taverns is
forbidden by the ftatutes with a view to the prefer-
vation of fobriety and order ; but going once to a
tavern, on fuch a ferious and folemn occafion, and
before dinner, at which time there was no danger
of intemperance, can never be called frequenting
taverns in the ftatutable fenfe, or in any fenfe what-
foever ; and therefore his difperfing them could not
arife from any view to the good government of the
college, which is fufficiently provided for by the
ftatutes,
iS PRANCERIANA.
ftatutes, and does not ftand in need of any abfurd
new regulations of fuch a provoft, which may be
juftly called innovations Thirdly, If it mould be
granted that fuch meetings tend to the difturbance
of the tranquillity of the college, yet in this cafe it
muit alfo be granted, that the provoft himfelf made
that meeting neceflary, by firft commencing his
operations in electioneering ; and that therefore he
was the difturber of the tranquillity of the college.
Fourthly, His indifcreet, hafty, ill-judged beha-
viour throughout the whole tranfaftion, together with
"his petulant and impotent menaces to the junior
dean*, {hew his real defign in difperling the meet-
ing, and that prefervation of order and difcipline
was no part of it.
In the next place he aflerts, that " he thought
" it his duty to confult the fellows on this occafton,
" and having recommended the moft gentle mode
*' of proceeding that could be thought of, referred
" the decifion to them." Very condefcending, in-
deed ! The truth of this matter ftands thus : The
provoft was extremely defirous to punilh fome of
the leading fcholars for their no crime in aflembling,
and afterwards difperfing on his order, and finding
the ftatutes did not give him any power to inflict a
punifhment by his own authority (the provoft's fole
authority of punilhing without the board being li-
mited to certain crimes fpecified in the ftatutes) he
aflemblcd a board, and I am well informed that he
was fo far from recommending the moft gentle mode
of
Mr. R d n.
P R A N C E R I A N A. 19
of proceeding, that he endeavoured, by his pretty
perfuafive oratory, to induce the fellows to rufti-
cate three or four of the leading fcholars, which is
the next puniihment to expulfion ; bur, finding he
was fecanded in this by none but Didymus* (the
fycophant of living, and Calumniator of dead
provofts) he was obliged to drop it, and content
himfelf with reproving them, in the manner fet
forth in his addrefs ; at the fame time, in the rage
of his difappointmem, declaring to the board, that
if thefe fcholars (twenty -four in number, and the
flower of the univerfity with refpect to learning and
morals) had not difperfed at his fecond fending to
them, he would have expelled them all, by his own
authority, for contumacy. Rare inftance of his
underflanding and mildneis !
He next aflerts, " That there never has been an
" inftance of iuch a meeting, when there was no
" vacancy, cither in this, or any other college."
To this it may be anfwered, very truly, that this
is the firft time any provoit of this college has be-
gun to electioneer before a vacancy, and therefore
the meeting of the electors became neceflary, to
counteract his operations, before the vacancy.
His next aflertion contains a doctrine never heard
of in the college, " that the provoit may in all cafes,
" not exprefsly provided for by the ftatutes, either
" determine himfelf, or refer to the board." I fay
he cannot in any cafe whatfoever, not exprefsly pro-
vided
* Dr. L d.
to PRANCERIANA.
vided for by the ftatutes, determine himfelf, but
muft and ought to refer to the board, in all fuch
cafes ; and therefore in this tranfaftion he did not
refer to the board, as thinking fuch reference " the
moft moderate method, and tbe leaft liable to mifrepre-
/extaiion" but he referred to the board, for the
reafons I have before fully mentioned His fuppli-
cation to the public, towards the clofe of his ad 'refs,
is really ludicrous: "Allay thefe ferments; fuffcr
" not the peace of this fociety to be longer difturbed,
" and do not render it impoffible for the provoft
*' and fellows to do their duty by your own chil-
" dren." That is, this incendiary has fet a houfc
on fire, and then, to avoid fufpicion, calls for the
parifh engine. What does he mean by doing his
duty to the ftudents in the college ? The moft gall-
ing part of the injury done us by making him pro-
voft is, that his petulance, if poffible, exceeds his
ignorance, and that in confequence of both, he is
every day infulting us by his pretences to know-
ledge, and by propofing abfurd, crude and impradli-
cable regulations, both in difcipline and inftruclion ;
and certai I am, that his appointment to his pre
fent ftation, has alarmed every thinking man in this
kingdom.
Thus I have gone through this famous addrefs,
and hope that I have fufficiently expofed the mifre-
prefentatiens contained in it j and I folemnly aver,
that I have been influenced to this publication by
no other views but the love of truth, and my ha-
tred
PRANCERIANA. ^\
tred of all thofe vipers who facrifice every thing
that ought to be dear to a citizen, to their inordi-
nate defire of power and riches, and will boldly
grafp at every employment, facred or profane, pro-
vided it is a lucrative one, let them be ever fo unfit
for it, and though their notorious incapacity ihould
bring ruin on their country.
V E R A X.
No. 5. Tae/day, December 6, 1774.
TO THE REV. D R F S TH, J N R
D N OF T TY C ^OE.
IF your conduct had been only contempti-
ble, I fhould not have troubled you with
this publick addrefs. If you had continued to pay
the meaneft adulations to bifhops and other men
in power, and had not attempted to corrupt the
hearts and deftroy the principles of the youth of this
univerfity,! Ihould have fufferedyourinfamy to becon-
fined to thefe walls, and not have published your cha-
racter to the world. I mean not to mention a fm-
gle point, the truth of which is not inconteftable ;
many I (hall even fupprefs : for if I was to recount
the numerous abfurdities and vile praftifes you have
been
22 PRANCERIANA.
been guilty of, I Ihould fwell this letttr to the fize
of avolume. When Dr. Andrews was provoft, noman
talked more loudly than you of the propriety of op-
pofing his dictates, and of the neceflity that men of
liberal educations fhould convince the world of the
liberality of their fentiments, and give the kingdom
an example of difinterefted independence. But
your behaviour fince a late promotion, has evinced,
that it was the man alone you oppofed. How con-
fiitent does it appear in the perfon, who, on the laft
college election, aflerted he would have gone to the
publick meetings of the fcholars, if he could have
found a fingle fellow to accompany him : how con-
fident, I fay, does it appear in fuch a man to de-
clare, only becaufe the head of this fociety is chang-
ed, that they acted not only contrary to law, but
contrary to their oaths, who lately aflembled to fix
on fuch candidates as would, by their integrity and
abilities, refledl the higheft honour on their choice ?
You, fir, are undoubtedly a man of learning, yet
have been hurried on by your intemperance to treat
men of learning as if they were fools : for had you
not confidered them as fools, you would never have
fupported the caufe you have efpoufed with abfurd
arguments and futile dilemmas. That the publick:
may be acquainted with your reafonings on this fub-
jeft, I mall mention that one, on which you feem
to lay a particular ftrefs. You affert, THAT IF
THE PROVOST IS A GOOD MAN HE OUGHT NOT
TO BE OPPOSED; IF A BAD MAN, THAT OPPO-
SITION WOULD BE FRUITLESS; for he could
nominate
PRANCERIANA. 23
nominate two clafles of fcholars before the election,
which would fecure him a majority of voices.
I hope there is not at prefent a gentleman in the
univerfity who would accept of a fcholarlhip
on fuch terms ; and I will do Mr. Hutchinfon the
juftice to fay, I believe he never once entertained
fo wicked an idea. I doubt not, fir, if you were
provoft, you would execute what yon have con-
ceived. I doubt not but you would attempt every
adl of injuftice in your own caufe, when you have
gone fuch lengths to fupport another's. When our
prefent provoft was appointed, he did not pretend
to be acquainted with our interefts. By your ad-
vice he is conftantly direfted ; by your advice he
arbitrarily difperfed the free ele&ors j and to your
advice muft be attributed that daring impropriety
which has already difcovered itfelf in the whole of
his conduft. I blame him not for his mifdeeds.
When appointed, thanks to the -wifdom and goodnefs
of our chief governor, he knew nothing of the duty
of his office ; he relied entirely on you for infor-
mation, and you mifled~him.' For the precipi-
tancy and intemperance which makes fo confidera-
ble a part of your character, are fufficiently marked
in that arbitrary and peevifh fyftem of government
which every occurrence gives us occafion to fee he
has adopted ; .and for the execution of which it is
notorious that vou have been appointed Jean, irre-
gularly, and out of the due coarfe in which that
office fhould go among the junior fellows. Some
few
24 P R A. N C E R I A N A.
fewcircumftances more of your conduct I mall re-
mind you of, and conclude. You had the info-
lence to charge fome fcholars with ingratitude, for
not avowing flaviih principles ; becaufe, through
your means, they had obtained from the provoft
and board what they confidered as the reward of me-
rit, and you, as your treatment of them evinces, a
tribe. You had the bafenefs to mifreprefent the
conduct of others to their parents ; and you had the
meannefs to fue for the office you enjoy, in order to
poffefs the power of opprefling, with the appear-
ance of juftice, every independent fcholarof the col-
lege. This, fir, is the firft time you have ever heard
from me, I aflure you it fhall be the laft. 1 fhall
confider you for the future as funk below my no-
tice ; as unworthy of my pen. It will be fruitlefs
to attempt difcovering my name, as I have taken
every method to keep it concealed ; and your know-
ing it can be of no confequence, as I am far above
the reach of your refentment,
I am, Sir,
Jl friend to independence,
and a member of ibis univerjity.
No. 6.
PRANCERANIA. 25
XW0X*&#i8^^
No 6. Thurfday, December %, 1774.
How fluent nonfenfe trickles from bis tongue !
How fweet the periods, neither faid, norfung. POPE.
TOTHE PRINTEROF THE FREEMAN^ JOURNAL.
SIR,
o
N Tuefday December the
6th, a letter appeared in the Freeman's Journal ad-
d retted to our Junior Dean, and fubfcribed A
friend to Independence, and a Member of the College.
When an independent fpirit aflumes the frightful
feature of flander unprovoked, mail we acknow-
ledge him a friend to independence ? When the
production of a diftempered brain mall be offered
as academical competition, mail his fignature be
undifputed ?
Gentlemen of generous thoughts and liberal edu-
cation, feldom embark on the ocean of defamation,
reftrained by humanity and delicacy of fentimentv
As it is impoffible to explore the variety of motives
to aclion that influence a publick character, mature
reflection will often fufpend cnfure, juftified even
by a combination of appearances ; yet poignant
reproof and genteel fatire, in many circumftances
are falutary are neceffary and the ftigmatized
infamy of vile aiTaffias, of character exalted, mould
C reftraia
26 PRANCERIANA.
rcftrain abandoned inducements to groundlefs ca-
lumny. The fluices of honeft indignation, drawn
in virtue's defence, fhould overwhelm in oblivion
the odious enemy of venerated honour.
How could thy poifoned pen, dull fon of Scri-
blerus, dare addrefs the idol of publick applaufe
in the language of fcurrility. The confpicuous ob-
jedl of general acclamation, thy baleful hiding can-
not effeft nor difturb. By the native dignity of a
regulated temper fecured, at thy impotence, thy
envenomed fcandal he fmiles. Thy utmoft efforts,
exerted in an inferior fphere, can never reach a
breaft unconfcious of guilt. PofTeffed of our affec-
tionate obedience, he proceeds in that diftingui/hed
courfe, which has already attracted publick atten-
tion. Poffeffed of aftivity which no toil can con-
quer, his endeavours are directed to reftore to the
univerfity ancient difcipline, dignity and erudi-
tion.
Secular concerns and fafhionable amufements,
engaged many in a courfe of life inconfiftent with
iheir appointments. Hence ideas prejudicial to
the fcminary were generally adopted : and a refor-
mation became a matter of ferious attention. In
this date was the college inconteftibly immerfed,
and lovers of this country felt fenfible affliclion.
However the dean attempted a renovation, and
may the genius of Ireland fmile on his efforts.
Wherever council can operate, he is ever ready to
reclaim.
FRANC BRIAN A. 27
reclaim. When perfuafive accents make no im-
prefllon on diflblute lives, we fee him fupport his
character, and enforce the ftatutes with intrepidity
and relolution. Should his aid become neceflary
in the fciences, to a laborious ftodent, we fee him
aflift, direct with encouraging alacrity. In a word,
rigilance to reform, perfeverance in defign, and
humanity to relieve, are the outlines of this cha-
raftej.
Though the exertions of fuch an active fpirit
command admiration, the infectious eye of zea-
lous predeceflbrs in office, cannot endure that fu-
periority which expofes their indolence. An irre-
gular being, at once a difgrace to the college, and
a fcandal to his family, who could never yield t
the haft controul, cannot brook the feverity of re-
gulation. Behold this unfortunate youth, in focie-
ty of equal perverfenefs, declaim againft dean, lite-
rature, parentage, nay heaven itfelf ! That reflec-
tion may cure their obltinacy, ere diffipation con-
fumes their intellects and fortune, is affuredly the
wim of the doctor, to which all his labours are di-
reaed.
I cannot perfuade myfelf, that the fcandal alluded
to was written by a ftudent; but, by fuppofing it
the undigefted effay of one of thofe clamorous fpi-
rits ftill this conjecture is improbable And in-
deed it is a fubject 1 mould difcufs with no other
defign than to exculpate gentlemen from the odium
C z of
2 8 PRANCERIANA.
a foul infinuation, viz. That a futile letter, inele-
gant as it is fcandalous, fhonld be written by one of
their body, traducing the beft of men. This
would-be member of our univerfity, introduces a
fyftem of reafoning as the doctor's, that would dif-
grace an ideot ; and has effrontery to expect credit
to fuch forged aflertions : but it is well known, that
the do&or fhines in converfation, as in writing :
he is cool and attentive of engaging fweetnefs.
Diffidence in his own, and profound deference to
the opinion of others, fecure him fuperiority in the
moft learned circles , and all this accompanied with
nervous fenfe and dignity efexpreffion. I would not
be underftood to give the world an inadequate idea
of this great man from inability. I only give a
feint tranfcript of my own feelings ; but rinding
even this difficult, a faft which I fhall relate to the
world, will fpeak for me, and apologize, I hope,
for nay own emotions, and pleafe the benevolent. '
A poor daughter of affliction, who had feen
happy days, lay wafted on the bed of woe, by the
combined preflure of infirmity and want on the
pillow of difeafe and care lay this parent .of fix
children for the fpace of fourteen months. All
fuccours from a few friends, and the charitable
within the circle of her acquaintance, being ex-
haufted, fhe pined with acute pain, and the yearn-
ings of a mother for poor orphans ! Deititute, cold,
and hungry ! An old woman attending in this col-
lege vifitcd the melancholy fcene, and fympathized !
who,
PRANCERIANA. 29
who, having learned an additional ilroke to the
plaintive tale, and paid nature the tribute of a
tear, faid me was fure Do&orForfayeth would gladly
fuccour them, were half their fufferings explained
to him. On hearing this the eldeft child, eleven
years of age, flole out unperceived, ran to the col-
lege, and fortunately met the do&or. On her
knees fhe unfolded her heart in three words, more
emphatically than the learned could do, perhaps,
in fo many volumes : " my mother is ftarving, and
will not live 'cill to-morrow." Some circumftances
making it impoflible to get any fort of a carriage,
he walked a confiderable dillancc, of a cold ni^Ht
at eleven o'clock, to convert the houle of mourn-
ing into joy to alleviate the forrows of a broken
heart ! Hear how he fucceeded : the mother is
ROW an upper fervant in a family of diftinftion,
and her children at trade. Adept in the moft in-
fernai rancour, digeft this anecdote and repent of
thy facrilege.
An explanation of the doftor's connexion with
the prefent, and his oppofition to the late provoft,
may be the fubjeft of another epiftle. And if I
fhall be able to demonftrate the uniformity of con -
duel, the unchangeable tenor and confiilency of
his life, gentlemen, too preciptate in. decifion,
will, I hope, take reflection for their guide. Thefe
obfcrvations arife from fentiments which his piety
and many amiable qualities have infpired, and are
publiftied as a duty incumbent on every ftudent,
C 3 in
30 PRANCERIANA.
in teftimony of his abhorrence of that audacious
attempt to afperfe the eftabliflied reputation .of a
worthy man. Let it not be imagined that this
letter is a compliment, in confequence of an inti-
macy or imerefted hope, no, 1 am totally difen-
gaged from influencing attachments, endeavouring
to vindicate merit from the vile effufions of malice
and grofs mifreprefentation.
Unawed by human refentment, I mould exhibit
to publick animadverfion the moft dignified villain,
when his principles interfered with the conftituti-
onal happinefs of my native country : but it feems
that far different motives fway the heart of this
icribbling mortal, who introduces to publick view
an illiberal attack, without the flighteft foundation
an impeachment indeed unheard, unprecedented.
Vainly imagining, that he had given a mortal ftab,
he ludicroufly aflerts the impoflibility of difcovering
his retreat, equally obfcure as his IHle. Go, fon
of darknefs and no^furnal infamy go immure
thyfelf and accurfed machinations, in dreary wil-
dernefs, eftranged for ever from that fociety which
thy heart could injure, and never more provoke the
pen of
EUSEBIUS.
PRANCERIANA, 31
No, 7. Saturday, December i, 1774.
And be who now to fenfe, naw nonfenfe leaning,
Meam not, but blunders round about a meaning-
TO EUSEBIUI.
MASTER Eufebius! matter Eufebius I
check your nag for one moment, I befeech
you. For God's fake, man, ufe your bone-fetter a
little gently on the high road of common fcnfe.
Here am I quite out of breath, dafhing after you
this half hour through all the bye-paths of old Far-
naby and Smiglecius But enough of metaphor.
Two whole columns (in anfwer to a particular
charge) of fuch inanities as thfcfe !
D r F yth " is the idol of publick ap-
" plaufe."
" the confpicuous objeft of ge-
'* neral acclamation."
" he Ihines in converfation as in
" writing."
" he is cool and attentive."
C4 "he
3a P.R ANCERIANA.
" he is of engaging fweetnefs."
" he is a great man !"
And eighthly and laftly, he relieved a poor old
woman after " her daughter had, on her knees, un-
" folded her ftory to him !" What a vindicator J
But as if this dofe of fulfome impertinence were
not enough to ficken the publiclr, you muft choak
them with abfurdities. Mark this :
" When an independent fpirit aflumes the fright-
" ful feature of {lander unprovoked, fhal] we ac-
*' knowledge him a friend to independence r"
Is itfccundum Smigfeciuffi td predicate abfolutely
of your iubjeft, in the beginning of a letter, what
you intend to deny in the cad ?
Mark again :
" Thy utmoft efforts, exerted in an inferior
"Sphere, can never reach a breaft unconfcious of
" guilt."
So that were they exerted in a fuperior fpbere, we
may infer that they might reach fuch a breaft. Ex-
cellent panegynck !
You may perhaps imagine, Ettfebius, that I
know you, that I am your enemy, or the enemy
of
P R A N C E R 1 A N A. 33
of the caufe you efpoufe. It is a mjftake ; I nei-
ther know you, nor have a wifli againlt you or
d r F . yth; but I have an irreconcileable
averfion to turgid verbofity, to inflated nonfenfe,
efpecially from TRIN. COLL, the chafte mother, I
would hope, of fimplicity and dignity.
Let me appeal to yourfelf, Eufebius, whether
any querulous attorney's clerk, who had been
whipt through Salluft, could put a plain thought in
a more pedantick drefs than this :
" As it is impoffible to explore the variety of rno-
" tives to aftion that influence a publick character,
" mature reflection will often fufpend cenfure, juf-
" rifled even by a combination of appearances ; yet
" poignant reproof and gentle fatire, in many cir-
" cumftances are falutary are neceflary and the
" iligmatized infamy of vile altaffins, of character
" exalted, mould rcftrain abandoned inducements to
" groundlefs calumny. The fluices of honeft in-
" dignation, drawn in virtue's defence, fhould
" overwhelm in oblivion the odious enemy of ve-
" nerated honour."
In Englifli thus, if I do not miftake the mean-
ing.
Mature reflection will often induce i to fu/pend
our cenfure of a publick character, however ftril -
ing the appearances, becaufe i: will inform as how
difficult
34 PRANCERIANA.
difficult it is to difcover the motives to aftion. It
muft however be confefled that, poignant reproof
and genteel fatire, are on many occafions falutary
nay, neceffary but then the infamy which awaits
the character of a tradueer, mould deter a man from
engaging, at leaft for a common bribe, in the tafk
of groundlefs calumny : the burft of univerfal in-
dignation muft overwhelm fuch a fellow.
You may perceive from this fpecimen, Eufebius,
what is my objeft. It is, in truth, not whether
you or your opponent be right, but whether you
lliall both tell your ftory in a manner worthy the
publick eye, and that will not difgrace us in a
I^ondon circle : your adverfary wrote, at leaft, like
a man that could write. Had I any other end in
view, 1 would cenfure particular expreffions ; fuch
as tbejluices drawn, in the foregoing extract, which
is not Englifh.
I always underftood that, in proportion as a tale
was true or untrue, as it was affecting or otherwife,
decoration or painting, was or was not requifite :
but you, who had only to defend an honeft man,
and to relate a mere faft, (not that your fact is to
the purpofe) have diffipated your force in fuper-
fluous epithet, and unpointed amplification.
There are fo many men in Dublin, to my know-
ledge, better qualified for the tafk of reviewing
than I am, that I befeech you to believe that, no-
thing
PRANCERIANA. 35
thing lefs than a fincere love for Alma Mater and my
country could make me fvveat you thus, my dear
Eufebius !
STULTIFEX.
No. 8. ' Tuefday, December 13, 1774-
Exigite ut mores teneros ceupollice ducat
Utjtquis car a vultum facit ; exigite ut fit
Et pater ipjius caetus. J u v.
TO T II E REV. W. H. J. F. T. C, D.
S I K,
WHEN I was advifed co put my Ton under
your care, the recommendation which prin-
cipally influenced my choice, was the expectation
(induftrioufly fuggefted to jue) " that he would have
the benefit too, of being in feme meafure under the
tuition of your friend the Doclor."* Though dif-
appointed in that expectation, I did not complain,
while by attending folely to the duty of a Tutor,
your diligence made fome amends for other defici-
encies : for, fo excellent is the courfc in our Col-
lege, that any lad of common fenfe and capacity
muft be a tolerable good fcholar, if obliged to at-
tend regularly, and itudy carefully. But I now fee
the
* Dr, Forjayctb.
36 PRANCERIANA.
the folly of intruding the tuition of a boy, to one
of as little experience, and as liable to be mifled as
himfelf j one whofe character and difpofition the
world is as little acquainted with, as he with the
world.
The conduct of your friend has proved him a ve-
ry unfit perfon, to be irttrufted with the important
care of forming the minds of youth. From the firll
iniight into his turn therefore, I little regretted his
not taking the mare, I was at firft perfuaded he
would, in the education of my fon , nor was L
much diflatisfied, when I found of late, that you
mifempldyed the time of Lefture, in vindicating
the abfurdities of the Doftor, inftead of unravelling
the perplexities of fcience, or explaining the beau-
ties of the claflicks. I excufed the abufe of tutelar
authority, while exercifed only to lighten the weight
of publick odium on your friend. But, when you
not only quit the line of duty, to deviate into the ex-
travagance of his errors ; but even rufh into the la-
byrinth of politicks, in which neither of you ought
ever to entangle yourfelves; when you defccnd to
the menial officioufnefs of a time-ferving tool ; and
publickly labour to inculcate flavifh principles of
non- refinance, and to feduce your pupils into un-
manly fubmijfion ; I own my patience is tried to the
utmoft ; and, whatever other parents may think, as
1 privately condemn, I will publickly upbraid,
Your offence is publick ; its tendency is of publick
import ; and it deferves to be made as notorious, as
it is dangerous.
Among
F R A N C E R I A N A. 37
Among the many obnoxious tenets, which you
(Sir) have exercifed all your Httle influence and art,
to prevail on young gentlemen to admit ; you even
advanced this doftrine, improper at any time, but
moft prepoflerous now : " That Scholars of the
" Houfe ought not to refufe, to vote for candidates
" recommended by the Provoft." A pofition, fo
falfe and illiberal, ib publickly obtruded upon young
minds, demands apublick defcant.
Leaving therefore the follies of your friend the
Doftor, for the Scholars to ridicule, the Fellows to
defpife, your imprudence to palliate, and the Pro-
voft to countenance and reward ; I mall endeavour
by refuting you, who firft prefumed to fcatter fuch
dangerous leed, to prevent its taking root in our
Univerfity. My concern for the rifmg generation,
my love of true learning, my attachment to my
country, and my zeal for liberty, will not fuffer
me to be filent ; efpecially in a matter wherein my
own fon is fo eflentially intereiled. For his fake
therefore, and that of the other Scholars, you may
to hear again from an injured and offended
FATHER.
38 PRANCERIANA.
No. 9. 7 'bur/day, December 15, 1774.
Dii Majorum umbristenuem & fine ponder e t err am
Spirantefque crocus, et in xrna perpetuum ver,
Qui praceptorem fanfti valuer e parent is
Efe loco.
Juv.
TO THE REV. W. K. J. F. T. C. D.
THERE fcarce can be a more convincing
proof, that it is criminal and fcandalous in a
ProvoJ}, to attempt any bias on the fuffrage of a
Scholar, than the melancholy inftance at the laft
Election : an inftance, which coft a worthy youth
his life ; and a man of genius, his honour and repofe.
What was it, fo incenfed Doftor ANDREWS againft
JOHNSON ?' Not his petulance or oppofuion ; for
he overlooked the fame in others. No : it was his
publickly branding him with the infamous crime, of
tampering with the Scholars : a crime, Sir, of which
ANDREWS could not bear the imputation though
You and your Friend can bear the guilt of it : a
crime. Sir, which (if proved upon the man, for
whom You havefo harangued the Scholars, and year
Friend
PRANCERIANA. 39
Friend has fo inflamed them) muft difappoint thefel-
fifh purpofes, for which it is committed. As Head
f the College, it is difgraceful and unjuft in a Pro-
voft, to exert any influence on the voters ; as Re-
turning-officer, it is infolent and penal.
What therefore it is neither lawful nor honeft for
a Provoft, to folicit, it cannot be lawful or honeft
for a Scholar, to grant. The duty is reciprocal ;
and the violation of it is alike criminal in both : the
corrupter and corrupted alike are guilty. The Rope
of the Pulley is equally ftrained, by the weight that
is moved, and the power that moves it ; and every
wheel, in the machine, bears its fhare of the load.
For thefe reafons I aver, * the Scholars of the Houfe
* ought not to vote for any Candidate the Provo/l
* recommends :' nay, I aver, ' a Canditate whom ht
1 recommends ^how unexceptionable foeverono ther
1 accounts) ought to be rejected, becauje recom-
' mended by the Provo/t.'
The Scholars of the Houfe are /worn, ' to obey
' the Provoft in all things lawful and honeft ;'
they are confequently fworn, ' Not to obey the Pro-
' voft in any thing [/^-lawful or Da-honeft :' the
particularizing the qualifying circumftances fets li-
mits to the duty, beyond which limits All is excep-
tion ; and confequently the circumftances, con-
trary to thofe prefcribed, muft be forbidden; be-
caufe tw.o contraries cannot both be true. It is as
unlawful and difhoncft in a fcholar, to be influenced
in
40 PRANCERIANA.
in his vote, as in a provoft to influence : a fcholar
then, being fworn, not to obey the provoft in things
unlawful and dilhoneft, is confequently fworn, not
to vote for any man whom the provoft recommends.
But there needed not an oath to render it crimi-
nal and fcandalous : all electors are bound by eve-
ry tie of nature, law, and religion, to choofe their
parliamentary reprefentatives, according to the beft
of their own judgment, and not by the will of an
ether: it is a duty they owe, to God, that gives
them a right to choofe them ; to their country,
that calls on them to exercife that right for the
common good ; and to themfelves, in vindication
of the honour it does them, and the liberty it fe-
cures to them. If any thing can aggravate guilt in
one, more than in another, it muft be his having
a fuller knowledge of his duty, and a finer fenfe of
its obligations : if therefore it be fcandalous- and
criminal in any elcftor, to be influenced, and con-
fequently corrupt ; it is certainly much more fo,
in a gentleman and a fcholar.
It may be afked, for 1 find you have put the
queftion, fir, even in the public hall : mould
' the fcholars reject a candidate of diftinguiftied
' worth and ability, merely for being recommend-
' ed by the provoft ?* The queftion is enfnaring to
youth ; and was infidioufly propofed, though no
part of the lecture it was your bufmefs then to
mind : it is a queftion, which mews, there needs
P R A N C E R I A N A. 41
no ghoft to tell us, who put it into your mouth :
but it is a queftion, much eafier to be anfwered,
than fit to be propofed ; efpecially by you, and in
that publick place, and when it was your duty to
talk of other matters. The anfwer is, they jkould,
They mould rejeft every man, for whom the pro-
voft degrades himfelf to the abominable ftate of a
corruptor.
We are not do evil, for the attainment of good :
nothing can be good, for which evil ia committed,
and if it could, the end cannot fan&ify the means,
but the guile of the means mnft pollute :he end.
The good we feek at an ele&ior.,. is very uncertain :
the peifon we exped it from, may want the power,
or the wilf, to effect it. The candidate, that thrufts
himfelf forward, gives reafon to fufpedl hisdefigns;
the candidate that folicits votes by his friends, con-
fefles a deficiency of merit in himfelf ; and he, that
has recourfe to the influence of authority or power,
declares himfelf leagued againft public liberty, by
fuch an attack on the freedom of election : a candi-
date therefore, that builds his fuccefs on fuch a
foundation, betrays his want of thofe qualifications,
which alone ought to recommend him to the elec-
tors ; and fhews, it is not their intereft he has at
heart, but either his onvn, or that he is fupported
by.
Whether, therefore, we confider the fcholars of
the houfe, as truflees for the College, as young men
of
42 PRANCERIANA.
of virtue and fenfe, as in a date of probation for
their future efMmation, as aflcrtors of the honour of
their own families, or as examples to the other elec-
tors of the kingdom ; I muft ftill infift, " They
ought not to vote for any man the provoft recom-
mends." Bad, as matters are in the world, men
of worth are not fo fcarce, that as good may not
be found, as any a provoft can recommend j clear
too, of that material difquaiification : in regard
therefore to their honour and their oath, for the
honour of the college and their friends, for the fake
of example, and for the publick good, SCHOLARS
OF THE HOUSE ought not to vott, for any man tbs
PROVOST recommends.
Such are the fentiments, fir, of every fpiritei
and judicious
FATHER.
No. 10.
P R A N C E R I A N A. 43
No. 10. Saturday, December 17, 1774.
THE PUPIL'S FIRST LETTKRTOTHE SCHOLARS
OF THE HOUSE.
Dear Lads,
ZEAL For the honour of the college has hurried
us, I fear, into fome inadvertency ; and may
make us liable, not only to deceive ourfelves, but
to be impofed on by other*. Prejudice is prone,
both to miftake and mifreprefent ; elfe we fhould
not have feen fuch a letter, as lately appeared,
againft our worthy dean. Had the author known
the dean, as my tutor does, he would not have
judged fo feverely, or fpoken fo hardly, of his
publick conduft. Little as ye think it, the dean is
a very humane charitable man ; and does more
good, efpecially in the college, than he choofes him-
felf to fpeak of: my tutor told me fo ; and I can-
not doubt his word : his tutor told him fo ; and has
too much gratitude, not to credit his patron's good
report, efpecially from his own mouth. By whom
will
44 PRANCERIANA.
will a young man be influenced, if not by his tu-
tor ?
For thefe reafons, I not only excufe but com-
mend my tutor, for embracing the opportunity of
lecture hours to vindicate the doctor ; and J hope,
for the fame reafons, I need not apologize for ad-
dreffing you on the fame fubjedt. My tutor has
exhorted and entreated all his pupils, to remove
the impreffions, which that letter elfe may leave
upos your minds : and fure it is right in him, to
jufricy the character he looks up to, as a rcndel for
his own ; and to oblige a gentleman, he is fo much
obliged to himfclf. Is it not to him he owes his
fellowfhip ? and is it not to him he owes the exer-
tion of all his powers? You will acknowledge, he
could not employ the lecture hours much better ; not
more, at leaft, to his own fatisfaction and our en-
tertainment.
The dean's publick conduct indeed is generally
deemed contemptible ; but it has not been viewed
in its proper light : he is accufed of adulation to
bifhops and other men in power ; but who can tef-
tify that ? My tutor affures us, it is a malicious
calumny ; and indeed I never faw any thing like
adulation about him : but I have never been in
fuch company with the dean. His favour to the
bifhop's fons is no proof: for aught we know they
may deferve it : and, if not they, perhaps his grace.
Which.
PRANCERIANA. 45
Which of you would not be civil to the young gen-
tlemen for a good living ?
By other men in power, I fuppofe, the provoft
is glanced at; for he is a man in power, indeed.
Has he not gotten a great penfion, and amafled a
great fortune too ? Is he not a privy counfellor, aad
even prime to the prime ferjeant ? And is he not
provoft befides, though a layman and married ; tho'
utterly unacquainted with the conftitution of the
college, and unqualified even to fit for a junior
fellowfhip ? Has he not brought his fon from abroad,
to make him a member for the college ? And has
he not made him already, knight of the poft; and
fent him forth into the world to fight his battles,
as the champion of dorneftick honour and paternal
fame ? *
Who, but the provoft, dare openly employ bra-
voes, to blow a man's brains out, for telling him
what he knew before ? Who, but the provoft, dare
give publick notice, that vengeance is HIS; and
that he has commiffioned his fon to execute it ?
Who, but the provoft, dare pafte up fuch a no-
tice, not only in the college and the city, but even
in the courts ofjuftice, and even in the very pre-
fence of thofe fages, who are entruftcd with the con-
fervation of the laws ? ,
He thai can do fuch things, is undoubtedly a
man in power ; nay, may be confidered, even as
men
See No. 15.
46 PRANCERIANA.
men in power; for, can he not do what he will
with all the men in power ; and which of them
can expecT: to prevail in any thing he difapproves
of? Does he not exercife the power of provoft in
town, where he has no authority ; and in a manner,
the chief magiftrate dares not attempt ? And does
he not neglect the duty of provoft within the very
walls of the college, when its ftatutes interfere with
his attachments ? Did he not overlook an illegal
ridiculous challenge, fix,ed up in the college by one
of its ftudents ; and foon after publickly cenfure
the fcholars of the houfe, for putting up a peacea-
able conftitutioanl invitation ?
The dean is his prime minifter in the college :
the dean knows the provoft has been well paid for
all his fervices ; and may reafonably expeft, to be
well rewarded by him for his good offices.
PHIL. D1DACTOR,
No ii.
PRANCERIANA. 47
No. n. Tuefday, December 19, 1774.
THE PUPII/S SECOND LETTER TO THE SCHO-
LARS OF THE HOUSE. ,V-
Dear Lads,
THE imputation the dean is branded with of
oppofing one provoft, and violently prompt-
ing and fupporting another, my tutor has declared
to be as falfe as the other charges againft him.
Such of you, as were in the college then, ought
now to ftand forth ; and make it appear, whether
the letter-writer or my tutor tells the truth ; and,
until fome fuch evidence clears the matter up, you
cannot blame me, for taking my tutor's word ; ef-
pecially as the doctor's prefent condudl bears tefti-
mony to the aflertion. But, allowing him as fpi-
rited in oppofition to the late provoft, as he is im-
petuous in favour of the prefent ; you mould conli-
der, the cafes are very different: the former in-
deed was thought a man of power, but the latter is
fo. What places or penfions did the other get,
for all his buftle and jocularity ? He made his uncle
a bifhop indeed ; but it was by mere bluftering
and bullying : this has made himfelf provoft ; and,
notwithftanding
4 8 PRANCERIANA.
notwithftanding the many feeming improprhies of
the appointment, was neither refufed nor trifled
with, like the other : ibme friends of the former
(too) have been well provided for, but it was by
College Leafes> which the latter confiders as not
perfectly valid.
We are not to wonder then, if the doctor's con-
duct now appears a little different. Do&or Andrews
neither wanted courage or good nature ; neither
was he fo peevifh or implacable : the prefent Dean
therefore ran no great rifle, in fpiriting up the op-
pofition againft him, whether that provoft were a
good or a bad man. ' As a bad man, it was right
to oppofe him ; and as a good man, it was not dan-
gerous.' Skilful muficians adapt their airs to the
nature of their inftruments ; neither mould the
Dean be condemned, for changing his tune now :
for, if the provoft be a good man, it is wrong to
oppofe him and if a bad man, it is certainly dan-
gerous.'
Ye will excufe my repeating his own words ;
for, my tutor confefles, the Dean did make ufe of
this latter "Dilemma. But he urged it, only from
his regard for you ; and to prevent the evils, which
(he knew) you might expeft, if you had perfifted
contumacioufly difobedient. Befides he did not
think you would have been fo difpleafed : for, if
his defign was good, his argument was bad ; and
he knew, the retort of the Dilemma could not
efcape
PRANCERIANA. 49
efcape you. Nay, he chofe that form of perfuafion.
on purpofe : becaufe, ' if he prevailed on you, you
would have reafon to thank him ; and, if you per-
ceived the weaknek of his argument, you fhould be
obliged to him' for not offering more cogent rea-
fons, when he was fent to difiuade you from your
favourite purpofe.
The provoft,, it is true, under the difguife of
Moderator, has allowed ; that ' fcholars of the houfe
are en titled to all the rights of free electors; and
thatexercifing fuch rights is neither inconfiftent with
good difcipline, nor injurious to ftudy : but, beg-
ging his Rt. Hon. pardon, I muft agree with my
tutor, that ' oppofition to the provoft is .againft the
ftatutes.' No man underftands the conftitution, laws,
and intereft of the college, better than the dean : his
new fchemes and new regulations prove it ; and, if
it were not fo, a gentleman fo learned, dijlnterefted y
and prudent as the provoft, would not be fo guided
and managed by him ; confulting him on all his
great concerns, as the princes of old did their facred
oracles,
Rebellion againft government is treafon by the
law ; your oppofition to the provoft, therefore, is
unlawful. The ftatutes exprefsly forbid confpira-
cies againft him ; affociations therefore, in fupport
of constitutional rights, are contrary to the ftatutes,
and to obey the provoft in all things lawful and ho-
neft ; nothing can be honeft, that leads to the vio-
D Jation
5 o PRANCERIANA.
lation of an oath, or that is contrary to law ; your
confutations for the maintenance of independence
therefore, being difpleafing to the provoft, are un-
lawful and difhoneft. If you fay, that what I render
by the word honeft, may be more properly inter-
preted decent or honourable, confider, how inde-
cent and difhonourable it is, to violate an oath ;
and be convinced from the provoft's promotion, th'at
' no man now can become right honourable, by
holding fuch publick meetings, and fhewing fuch
publick fpirit as you do.'
How much more prudent was my tutor's conduct
at the laft election ! he fays, be voted on both fides :
and you may be fure, he fought under his tutor's au-
fpices. Imitate, dear lads, his guarded conduct ;
and fo defend yourfelves with a two-edged fword,
as the dean does now with his dilemma.
PHIL. DJDACTOR.
No. 12.
PRANCERAINA.
No. 12. Saturday, December 24, 1774.
THE PUPIL'S THIRD LETTER TO THE SCHOLARS
OF THE HOUSE.
Dear Lads,
WHAT has bewitched you ? Are you callous
to the touches of humanity ? Are you deaf
to the calls of pity ? You have ruined my tutor ;
you have fet the dean mad ; and I fear you will
break the poor prirvo/Fs heart. If you perfevere in
your taunts, and gibes, and fatyrick pleafantries ;
or carry your oppofition and refcntment any far-
ther; you will certainly have three lives to anfwer
for.
After all I had faid> in vindication of my tutor,
and in juftification of the doftor, I hoped, you
would be fenfible of your extravagance, and a-
mend : but the more you are cautioned, reproach-
ed, and threatened, the more obilinate and per-
verfe you grow. When the provoft himfelf rea-
foned with you in the character of Moderator, you
called his aflertions lies, his arguments quibbles,
his meeknefs hypocrify, and his exhortations cant :
D 2 again,
52 PRANCERIANA.
again, when my tutor (under the fignature of -
Jebius] reminded you of the doctor's inflexible con-
fiftency, and temperate zeal, and fedate humility ',
and fweet good humour ; you ridiculed his pathe-
tick defcriptions as fuftian rant, and the inftance
of the doctor's charity 'as a filly tale. Nay, to
aggravate your atrocious crimes, you add infult to
rebellion ; and, to the provoil's face, mock his
concern for difcipline, and the attachment of" his
friends.
What is it you would t>2 at ? Do you pretend
to more wifdom and virtue, than your betters ;
and fet up for reformers, in fuch times as thefe ?
Can you fuppofe yourfelves fitter judges of parlia-
mentary merit, than the provoft ; or able to hold
out againft that perfuafion, which has convinced fo
many great lords, and famed orator?, and flaming
patriots, of the folly of ftubborn oppofition now?
Shall boys baffle that fophiftry, which has pre-
vailed en fquires, to load the inheritance of their
children ; on peers, to ennoble baftardy ; on plun-
derers, to fhare the fpoil ; and on inftruments of
defpotifm, to make a little blujlering coxcomb inde-
pendent ? Take my word for it ; if you make
any more ftir about freedom of election, not a man
of you need expect a fellowfhip, during the in-
tumbance of the prefent provoft : my tutor fays, the
doctor is fure of it ; and therefore fincc he cannot
influence you by his lectures, he has declared he
will write to your frieuds.
The
P R A N C E R I A N A. 53
The provoft is refolved, the college (hall be like
other boroughs: it was a ftipulated condition:
and would you have a fenator, a privy-counfellor,
and a provoft break his word ? Promifes are facred
engagements ; and the fecret articles of treaties are
always the moft religioufly obferved.
In juftice therefore, lay afide your refentment at
the provojl ; he only ftudies to promote jour inte-
reft : in gratitude, put an end to your farcafms on
the dean and my tutor, they only wifh, to pre-
ferve you from harm. Can you fufpeft fuch
worthy, fteady, fweet, good men, capable of being
the dupes of ambition and avarice ? Can you im-
pute to fuch bafe purpofes, my tutor's POLITICAL.
LECTURES, or the dottor's DILEMMA.
PHIL. DID ACTOR.
No. 13. Monday, December 26, 1774.
Confiteor fe quid prodefl delitta fateri, OVID.
TO THE PRINTER OF THE HIBERNIAN
JOURNAL.
S I R,
IN the courfe of laft week I was fummoned fre-
quently to attend boards at the provoft houfe,
in order to anfwer for my unpardonable offence in
reading
54 PRANCERIANA.
reading news-papers. One day, in the paflage to his
hall, I found the following letter, addrefled to you ;
and as it manifeftly was Doctor F r f th's in-
tention to have it publifhed, I imagine I mall do
but common juftice to his much-wounded charac-
ter, by tranfmitting it to you.
I am, Sir,
Your conftant Reader,
4 Scholar of the Houfe.
TO THE PRINTER OF THE H IBERN IAN JOURN AL,
SIR,
As many falfe, fcandalous and fcurrilous papers,
filled with grofs lies, and reflecling on my charac-
ter, have been lately publilhed, and as no body has
endeavoured to anfwerall the charges urged againll
me; I am compelled to undertake, myfelf, a vin-
dication of my conduft, and a general defence of
the propriety of my behaviour. No body that
knows me ever fufpefted that I gave a dinner to any
bilhop through friendfhip ; it is notorious, from
my former violent declarations againft them, that I
would not fubmit to their acquaintance, if I was
not convinced it would have ferved either my own
intereft, or my friend's. What fools the fellows are
to think that that could be done by any means but
adulation ?
PRANCERIANA. 55
adulation ? ay, ay, my chara&er will be hurt, to
be fure, by its being faid, " I was great with
Bifhops." I was accufed, too, with having difap-
proved of the fcholar's aflembly : It is a well-known
faft, that I made every body I was fure would vote
for the provoft, go to the meeting to fupport his in-
terefl. What ! though I fcolded all the indepen-
dents, as they called themfelves, for provoking fo
worthy a, man by their conduct, is that a reafon for
charging me with cenfuring, indifcriminately, eve-
ry man that met ? The dilemma I do not difpute,
as I think it an excellent argument ; but I will
clearly refute the afiertion of my guiding the pro-
voft ; for fo far is it from being true, that it is no-
torious he abfolutely guides me, and that I never
have difputed any of his commands ; and why
mould I ? Has not he given me offices to the
amount of two hundred and thirty-one pounds per
ann. which is three times more than any other junior
fellow ever had before ? Were not fome even left
" without places, in order that I might be Sufficiently
provided for ? Would you have me be guilty of the
bafeft ingratitude ? and now I mention ingratitude,
it puts me in mind of a damned villain's aflertion,
that I charged fome fcholars with it, for not avow-
ing the fame principles with myfelf : It is falfe; it
is falfe. I only faid it was cruel and fcandalous of
them, when I had made promifes for them all to the
provoft, to make a liar of me by behaving like gen-
tlemen, forfooth. How can I fhew my face to the
nian after their infamous bafenefs in refuting me
theb
56 P R V A N C E R I A N A.
their votes ? to fhew them the folly of their pro-
ceedings, I made ufe of invincible reafoning; but,
would you think it ? I could net convince the pup-
pies That the publick may fee that they were guid-
ed intirely by a fpirit of fadlion, 1 will mention one
of my ftrongelt arguments. If a difficulty, faid
I, occurred to you in any of your fciences, to whom
would you apply ? tome, certainly, orfome other
fellow; why, then, in any affair of fo much confe-
cjuence, mould fuch rafh, giddy boys as you, be
fuffered to make ufe of their own reafon ? It is evi-
dent you fhould let your tutors judge for you. The
truth of this pofition is fo manifeft, that I will fay
no more on that head. I never wrote to any man's
father fince I left off taking pupils ; If H s wrote
to them by mv directions, ought I to be charged
with it in a public paper ? it was faid, alfo, that he,
poor little fellow, expofed himfelf in vindicating
me, and the provoft, It is a damned lie ; he de-
fended us very well, and very humouroufly; for
every body, 1 am told, that heard him, could not
help laughing. I was charged with inconfiftency
in oppofing the late provoft, and fupporting the
prefent What did I ever get from Andrews, that
I fhould fupport him ? did he ever make an extra-
ordinary diftinftion between me and the other fel-
lows, though H s had as many pupils, fcholars
of the hotife, before his death as he has at prefent ?
did I not receive from the prefent provoft zfubftan-
fial mark of eileem on the difpofal of offices ? and
am not I promifed, whenever an opportunity offers,
that
PRANCERIANA. 57
that his whole intereft ftiall be exerted in my favour ?
as I do not know the perfons who wrote to me, I in-
form them, whoever they are, through your paper,
that I defpife them as much as they defpife me. I
am fure they are fcholars of the college ; but I am
not at all vexed ; I would not give the fellows the
fatisfa&ion of putting myfelf in a paffion ; but if I
can find them out
I have unluckily made a ram vow, that I never
would fubfcribe my own name to any letter in the
publick papers ; I am therefore obliged to make ufe
of the nick-name, by which I am diftinguifhed in
the college. I am convinced, from your known
impartiality, that as the charges againft me have
been publifhed, you will alib publifh my defence.
I am, Sir,,
Your very humble fervant,.
NATHAN BEN SADDf..
No.. 1 4>.
PRANCERIANA.
No. 14. Vuefday, December 27, 1774.
Hie niger eft kunc tu Rorr.ant caveto. Ho R .
Nen tu, Pom font, c<ena diferta tua eft. MA a T.
TO THE REV. THOMAS TORRENS, J. F. TRINITY
COLLEGE.
SIR,
FROM the refpeft due to z fellow of our col-
lege, but more efpecially on account of that
fecret efteem had to yourfelf, I am induced to ad-
drefs you, on an event which feems to engage all
our attention.
For many years paft has the name of Torrens
founded with unufual delight, in the ear of every
ftudent ; and well it might, as no man ever kept in
that happy line, which diftinguifh.es too great fe-
verity from an over-eafinefs better than you did,
whether I confider you in the capacity of dean, or
tutor. In the round of toafts, where none but
men of worth were drank, you always led the van.
Mr. Waller was called the honeft, but you the
very honeft fellow. This, Sir, was formerly the
cafe ; but, alas ! how changed ! And why all
this ?
PRANCERIANA. ^9
this ! Becaufe you have undertaken to fupport
Black Phill *, as a candidate for our univerfity ; a
wretch fo deteftable, fo odious to every one of us,
that a fiend from the Tartarian regions would be
as grateful to every eledlor.
But he fets up, I am told, for independence :
heaven and earth be witnefs, if this be tolerable !
Shall that man, who, on every occafion fupprefled
truth, and trampled on liberty, become now an
advocate for independency ? Surely thofe gentle-
men, who all, to a mar. t I truft, have hearts im-
pregnated with generous principles, will treat fuch
confummate audacioufnefs as it deierves. For my
part,
* The Right Hon. P- p T J, bis majefty's attorney
general, fecretary of ftate, and judge of the prerogative court.
Of this gentleman the following character is given by aeon-
temporary hiftorian : " Ha was a man formed by nature,
and fafhioned by long pra&ice for all manner of court intrigue.
His ftature was low, fo as to excite neither envy nor obferva-
tion 5 his countenance di final 5 his public manners grave ; and
his addrefs humble. But as in publick he covered his proftitution
by a folemnity of carriage, fo in private he endeavoured to
captivate by convivial humour, and to difcountenance all pub.
lick -virtue, by the exeixife of a perpetual, and fometimes not
unfuccefsful irony To thefe qualifications he added an ex-
traordinary magnificence of living* His table was furnifhed
with every thing that fplendour could fuggeft, or luxury could
eonfume j and his profufion and policy united to folicit a.mul-
titude of guefts. To his houfe then reforted all thofe who
wiftied through him to obtain, or learn from him to enjoy
without remorfe, thofe publick emoluments, which arc the
purchase of publld infidelity,"
60 P R A N C E R I A N A.
part, as an eleftor, I will ; and join with thofe my
worthy and fpirited brother fcholars (whofe names I
would gladly fet forth in golden letters, were I not
certain the world would foon know them) in every
proper fcheme, to manifeft our refentment, and
rejefi the man. Let us then, my friends, Hick clofe
to each other, and fpurn thofe private inuendoes,
thrown out every day. By thefe means we will ob-
tain our end, and fet an example for the prefent
conftituents, throughout the whole kingdom, as
well as future ages. If we fail, this pleafing idea
will ftill remain, that we afted rightly; but if vic-
tory crowns our endeavours, how fuperlatively glo-
rious will be our fuccefs.
And now, Sir, I entreat, I conjure you not to
perfevere in fupporting_/ac^ a man, at the expence
of our warm efteem. Every attachment muft now
be laid afide, which afls repugnant to our coun-
try's intereft. Cari funt fatres, Cari funt liberi,
Cari funt amid, Jed omnes caritates compleftitur pa-
tria. We will fufpend our opinion for fome time;
if nothing is done mean while, you may expeft to
hear from me foon.
A Scholar of the Houfe.
No. 15.
PRANCERIANA. 61
No. 15. Tburfday, December 29, 1774.
Crudum manduces Priamum Priamique pifinnos ?
Troy and her people *wouldji tbou eat alive,
And eat up Priam and his children all ? Ho B B E s .
AN HEROIC EPISTLE FROM BIDDY FITZPA TRICK,
Nurfery. maid to the right honourable John Hely
Hutchinfon, provoft of Trinity College, Dublin,
to William Doyle, Efq; as it was rejected by the
impartial committee of the Free-Prefs.
I SHOULD not have thrown afide the native referve of my
fex, by appearing thus in publick, had not the refpeftable
fcciety, of whkh I have the honour to be a member, been fo
boldly defy'd, by the gentleman, to whom the following lines
are addreffed. He has thrown down theglove,in thefe words:
" I republifh the letter, which you are pleafed to approve.
" Its exprefiions are as irretraftable, as its principles. I muft
" repeat every pafiage, even though I fhould make a nurfery my
' enemies." J I hereby give the gentleman fair warning let him
purfue hoftilities at fis peril. BIDDY FITZPATRJCK.
AS beauteous Helen (bane and boaft of Troy)f,
In fhining armour, deck'd the Trojan Boy,
Rous'd,him, from revel, minftrelfy, and dance,
To wield the buckler, and to hurl the lance ;
From
J See the anfwer of William Doyle, Efq; to an addrefs pre-
fented to him by Mr. James- Napper Tandy, publi-ihed in the
Freeman's Journal.
\ We need not be furp/is'd at this young lady's erudition it
was but natural that the prefident of a learned feminary fhould
require an attention to literature, even in his nurfery maid.
62 P R A N C E R I A N A.
From foft embraces, and the btfd of down,
In laurell'd fields to purchafe fair renown ;
Refign'd her pleafure, for the hero's fame ;
And cry'd " go forth and earn a deathlefs name."
Divine Salvagni fends her hero forth,
To prove, in Freeman's Journal, patriot worth.
From melting airs, and foft Italian founds,
From luring eyes with fly infidious wounds,
From am'rous parley, from delightful war,
And gentle rights yet not without a fear,
She fends him forth to wield the grey-goofe pen,
And fcourge the publick deeds of publick men ;
With gentle lifp, me cries, to arms ! to arms ?
And alma mater hears the wild alarms.
Where, (mighty fpirit !) haft thou lain conceal'd ?
At molt, feen dimly in thy works reveal'd
Haft thou with wild prophetic fury fir'd,
To deep retreats, and facred ihades retir'd ?
Thou new Tirefias ! to forefee the doom
Of future patriots, candidates to come ;
What future honour, or what futufc fight
WithMay'ror Shrieve awaits Belcampo's knight j
With free-born hand, what legal pioneer
Shall rafe the walls 4 and turrets of Blaquiere ;
What funday-prentice through the park {hall fcour,
And proudly break his neck to mow his pow'r ;
What toils, what cares, what murmurs has it coft !
On Liffe/s bank to feek her patriot loft ?
Where
PRANCERIANA. 63
Where with his trident fea-born Achmet rules,
O'er jets, and fountains, bagnios, pumps and pools ;
Tremendous Beckford, hell-born Donoghoe,
And fcowling bailiffs, (a nefarious crew)
Unwelcome viiitants impetuous rove ;
The bagnio ranfack ; and o'erturn the ftove ;
The clofets rummage; in the cauldron pry;
And not a couch efcapes their impious eye. -
While various taflcs the triton race engage,
For every fex defign'd, and every age :
Some wither'd maids in vats of pickle lave;
And each a venus, rifes from the wave :
Some potent drugs and herbs in cauldrons brew,
That modern Efons into youth renew :
Some boil to mucilage, the tender beau ;
And blufh.es fome, on palefac'd maids beftow.
From baths and cauldrons, frighted patients fly,
And (hrieks and curfes rend the midnight &y.
In blankets fome (like bedlamites) conceal d,
And fome (fcant covering) fcarce by napkin veil'd,
Diflodg'd from covert like the frighted hare,
With locks difheveli'd, and with members bare,
Shudd'ring with cold and wild affright they feud;
And fhrink, before the legal fons of blood.
Why now at laft with fword and lance appear,
To fill a nurfery, with pallid fear ?
To whip the children, kick the nurs'ry maid,
And make the very cat and dog afraid.
Monfter ! more fell than nurfing legend knows,
Avaunt ! avaunt ! nor murder our repofe,
Ah
64 PRANCERIANA.
Ah wilt thou dafh the babes againft the ftones ?
And fuck their blood and cranch their little bones?
Why on the nurfelings muft thy fury fall ?
What, all ray little ones ? thou tyrant ! all ?
No warlike din affrights this peaceful throng ;
But all is flumber, lullaby and fong.
No horror turns the cheek to afliy pale,
Save when the nurfe recounts her wizzard tale.
No rawbead terrifies the gentle train,
No Moodybwss deforms the fmiling fcene.
But fay what vengeance (hall th' invader feel,
Who threats a nurfery with favage Heel ?
Our eldeft hope, our young lulus ftands,
Th' avenging piltols glitter in his hands ;
Forth from this * great fociety he flies ;
(Though nurfe recalls and little brother cries)
Rous'd like a lion from his wicker cage,
Indignant marks thy blind impetuous rage ;
With fteahhy peace thy dark retreat pervades ;
And finds the Cacus, in his circling {hades.
I too will hurl my faucepan at thy head ;
Milk and panada, mail thy face o'erfpread.
Far
* " Regard to my own charafter, as a gentleman, and re-
" fpcft for the great ficiety, to which / belo> g, make me ab-
" ftain from ufing any opprobrious terms." -Vide, a letter to
William Doyle, Efqj republiflied in the Freeman of Novem^
bathe i9th.
PRANCERIANA. 65
Far other gift the chambermaid mall pour,
And diench thy vifage, in far other fhow'r.
A blanket yes a blanket fates decree
A lofty blanketing, thy meed mall be.
Four brawny chairmen mall the corners grace,
Four buxom wenches, mall the patriot place
On woven billow, that with adlive fpring,
Its reftlefs burthen to the roof mail fling.
There, like fome pan-cake turn'd, and tofs'd on
high,
There mail the hero tumble, flounce and fry.
Then malt thou dream, of being chair'd in Hate;
On weavers' necks up-borne (a welcome weight).
What (hall it boot how bright thy courage glow'd f
Or what the civick box on Wilkes beftow'd ?
Ah what the wreath imputed eflays yield ?
Or what the myrtle earn'd in Paphian field ?
Not Newenham mall fave thee from our hate.
Not Napper Tandy mall avert thy fate.
No, mould thy Lucas (awful fliadow) rife,
Shake goes the blanket, and the patriot flies :
Flies like zjbuttlecock through airy plains,
While mounting feather folid log fuftains.
Around free citizens (a fapient band)
And Skinners-alley aldermen mall ftand :
The mighty Sheridan with aching fight,
Shall trace the patriot in his airy flight.
At length fome god mall fnatch him from afar,
And fix him in the heav'ns, a blazing ftar :
A blazing ftar, in alma mater's tail ;
To Provofts, boding fate and ruin pale, s
Th'
66 P R A N C E R I A N A.
Th' attempt, fuch dangers, and fuch glory wait.
Come 'prove the good and evil, of thy fate !
BIDDY FITZPATRICK.
$oooeoe ooooooooeoooooooo oe GOO
No 1 6. Friday, December 30, 1774.
PLUT. in ANT. ED. BRY. V. 140.
TO HIPPARCHUS.
AM A N whofe conduft, O ! Hipparcbui I
claims univerfal hatred, may wonder at
finding one who pities him! -- but your am-
bition and vanity combine r with your prefent em-
barraffment to produce a fituation which malice itfelf
might compaffionate. Your dreams of projected
tyranny fade, to your mortification, as an ambitious
your abilities, doubtful before, are now afcer-
tained to your confufion, as a vain man. I pity
you or rather the ftate which fuffers in you ; for
when the head becomes ridiculous, the body muft
endure its mare of contempt.
Buftling, forward, affuming, and loquacious,
you rofe to honours ; not by fiaperior genius
your pleadings, your oratory in the fenate, prove the
contrary
PRANCERIANA. 67
Contrary ; not by profeffional knowledge there
you are notorioufly lhallow and impotent ; not by
the talents of buiinefs let your conduct in your
new ftation fpeak for itfelf ; but by your vanity, as
infinite in its pretences, as impudent in maintaining
them. The firmnefs of your voice, your boldnefs
in pronouncing, and unblufhing defence of error,
bullied men into an half acknowledgment of your
abilities ; and while you feemed fo perfectly affured
of your own merit, the world grew weary or
afhamed of difputing the claim. Men are generally
unkind to demands for fame and honour ; their
courtefy to your's was fignal and lavifh ; it was
your own taik to prove it injudicious.
When you folicited an employment, fqr which,
by your profeffion, principles, and ftudies, you
feemed eminently difqualified, the malicious wait-
ed, in impatient fufpenfe, for the ominous excurfi-
ons of a planet that had fo wildly rufhed from its
ufual fyilem ; they were aftonifhed, not difappoint-
ed : but the candid, who feeing you in an employ-
ment fo different from any you had formerly filled,
hoped that you had changed your character, and
expelled fome good from you.
Yet even here you juftified the opinion entertain-
ed by fome, of your being an extraordinary man :
The poor oftentation of addrefs, the meagre parade
of abilities and learning, might have efcaped with
contempt (the emotion proper to them) it required
your
68 PRANCERIANA.
your uncommon talents to make them objeds of
hatred.
You foon commenced tyrant , and our tyranny
has been a defultory, unmeaning, wanton oppref-
fion ; more like the wayward petulance of ajic/ily
child, or the teafing ufurpation of a weak woman,
than the calm, confident, fleady meafures of a
reafonable man ; an oppreffion tolerable only in
this that a thoufand laughable abfurdities in the
man, the miniftry, and mode of exertion, make
the tyranny ridiculous, and afford the fuffereis a jeft
in their mifery.
You, like the angel in one of our poets, or ra-
ther, the theatrical dasmon in another, feem to de-
light to ride in the whirlwind ; but is it to your
honour to raije a ftorm which you are unable to
dirett ?
There is a liulenefs, a meannefs in anonymous
publications, even in a good caufe, which can
only be excufed by the want of another channel for
communicating fentiments which ought not to be
concealed. The tafk may be ufeful ; it never is
honourable. It is a new thing to fee the head
of a great and learned fociety rank with the humble
band of newfpaper pioneers, that facilitate in fecret
the operations of party ; to fee the fhepherd of a
learned flock fend his verbofe productions (in the
form of paftoral letters,) to propagace idle prolixity,
and
PRANCE R' IAN A. 69
and dcfpicable fophiftry through the kingdom, f
At your acceffion, you propofed to encourage
competition in the fociety over which you pre-
fide ; did you mean to encourage it likewife in the
political writers of the town, by giving a fubjecl in
your conduct, and an example in your compofitions ?
By .this ridiculous fenfibility, you confirmed the
opinion of your weaknefs, already excited by the
choice of your premier J. A man, who happily
unites the peculiar vices of a convent and a court :
hot, perfecuting, vindictive, prejudiced, and bi-
gotted, without honefty ; artful, plotting, intrigu-
ing, infincere, and unfriendly, without gentlcnefs
or politenefs. His injudicious precipitance has
caufed more mifchief, than his zeal and profligacy
can remedy.
Under the appearance of fuperior learning and
piety, this man has endeavoured to pervert the young
mind with fcandalous fophiftry and miferable ca-
fuiftry, and dared to preach thofe bafe fentiment.s,
which (though many pra&ife) only the ram bigotry
of a cloifler would avow. His conduct, indeed,
confirms the obfervation; that of all vices, thofe of a
Saint are moft odious, fhamelefs, and unrelenting.
What pleafure would it give a deiji to iee the pro-
feffion of piety rendered odious, by the practice of
a very
f See No. 3.
J Dr, F h.
7 o PRANCERIANA.
a very religious man ; to find a fpy and an informer
in the priefthood.
We may trace the rafhnefs of your prompter,
in the attempt to introduce inquifition practices, and
monkifh trials; to eftablifh within thofe walls,
(where the courfe of ftudy excites, and the form of
government ought to cherilh liberality of fentiment)
a ftar- chamber, to defend the dread majefty of
great men, and great prerogative, by the multiplied
terrors of informations, accufations, examinations,
vexations, infults, reprimands and difapprobations.
Your miniature of archbilhop Laud, has invented
for you new branches of prerogative, to be aflerted ;
new crimes, new violations to be puniihed.
Armed with the doftrine of libels (that formida-
ble engine of oppreffion in all tyrannies) you have
invaded the ftudent, even in his own province.
You have opened a wide field for accufation, and
made it neceflary for him to fee a lawyer, before he
opens a new volume, f
The fubtilty of a veteran lawyer has been em-
ployed to enfnare the open artleflhefs of youth ; to
draw generous Simplicity into felf-crimination.
Such are your arts of government ; and their effeft
has
f Alluding to fevcral ftudents being cited and tbreatned to be
cenfured by Hipparchus for the high mtfdanefnyr of reading a
newfpaper ; on which important occafion nine conclaves were
held.
PRANCERIANA. 71
has been, diftionour to yourfelf ftrength to op-
pofition. Your conduit has been fet in the moft
contemptible light, by that of the electors, which
has difplayed a calm intrepidity, a dignified decency
of oppofition, which would do honour to mature
manhood.
You are a vain weak man, in a ridiculous, per-
plexed fituation ; and as fuch I advife you to retraft
in time. Your counfellor is an ambitious, ram,
timid, indifcreet man ; ignorant of the temper,
carelefs of the interefts of your fubjecls. The reft
of your adherents want honefty and courage to con-
trovert meafures, which they muft condemn. They
indulge a difeafed adminiftration, to its perdition j
and the fruits of fuch counfels, muft be outrage,
inconfiftency, abfurdity and fhame.
Since you cannot fubdue, ceafe to perfecute ;
fuperintend the ereftion of your riding houfe. Let
it fatisfy your vaft ambition, to have gained the
hatred of the prefent generation. Seek not the
crimes of the future, by ruining the feat of edu-
cation.
CHARIDEMUS.
No. 17-
7 2 PRANCERIANA.
No. 17. Monday, January 9, 1775.
Duplex Llbelli dos eft : Quod Rifum mevet,
Et quod Prudenti Vitam Conf.lio monet. PH/ED.
THE VOTE-TRAP:
O R,
A NEW ART OF ELECTIONEERING :
A
DIALOGUE.
SCENE.
Dr. Pompofo's Chambers in the College.
PRANCERO, POMPOSO.
Prancero.
WH A T a dreadful fituation, Pompofo, am I
in ? One of the great objefts, you know,
which I had in view, in my prefent eccentrick pro-
motion, was to get the feals. With one foot on the
college fteeple and the other on the fecretary's office,
I thought I could eafily jump into the chancellor's
feat. J muft own, my friend, Sir Spindle Barebones,
has kept his word with me. He is now in London,
and has done every thing in his power ; has memo-
rialed reprefented mifreprefented but I fear all
will
PRANCERIANA. 73
will not do. This patriot Englifli Irifh chancellor,
with his curfed popularity, has marred our fcheme ;
and what is more provoking, the fellow feems to
laugh at our impotent endeavours to undermine him.
But let that pafs my grand objeft of all, as I have
told you, was to make the univerfity a fnug borough,
to nominate two members ; and with them and my
nominee for Lanefborough at my heels, I fhould
have fuch a following, that I mould be able to obtain
half a dozen more reversions for myfelf and my chil-
dren. To be foiled here " here where I bad
garnered up my heart"-*- were fuch perdition, that
the very thought of it makes me Ihudder.
Pompofo, Thefe young men have Grange notions,
that's the truth of it ; and they feem to be fo clofely
linked together, to be animated with fuch a fpirit,
and to be actuated with fo genuine a love of freedom
and independency, that I fear it will be a very operofe
tafk to work upon them. But, at all events, you
know you can nominate about a dozen fcholars next
Whitfontide ; and although they, with about half
of the fellows, and a few Itragglers from the adver-
fary's camp, will not make a majority, yet fo high
an aft of power will ferve to intimidate the reft,
and by fhewing them that no college honours are to
be obtained but by compliance with your requifiti-
ons, frighten thefe peftilent voters into your mea-
fures, or render their oppugnation futik and ineffica-
E P 'ran cere.
74 FRANC BRIAN A.
Prancer<). It will be a daring attempt, and I
fear were I to do it, the houfe of commons would
fet them afide as occafional voters ; as they did in
old Baldwin's time. -But no matter. I am now fo
deeply engaged that I muft flop at nothing. But,
jny dear friend, that time is far off, and perhaps a
diflblution of parliament may take place between
this and then. May we not do fomething in the
mean while ? This Dr. Dilemma f, whom I have
too rafhly confided in, is fo proud, fo uncomplying,
fo paflionate, and has withal fo much of monkifh
feverity about him, that, although he is ready
enough to do the meaneft offices for me, yet he has
rather eftranged and exafperated the boys than con-
ciliated them to me : and, to own the truth, my
own meafures have, I fear, been too violent, and
feem rather to have cemented than loofened the op-
pofition. They begin to talk loudly of my break-
ing through the ftated order of college appoint-
ments, and of my thrufting a creature of my own
into an office to which he was not entitled, for the
purpofeof making him a Spy upon their aftions
of my having ere&ed an Inquifitiort within thefe
walls, and endeavoured to reftrain even the freedom
of thought of my arraigning ftudents for imputed
offences, undefcribed by the ftatutes J of my in-
veigling them to criminate themfelves ami after a
tedious and nugatory examination, diftnifling them
with a fort of Delphick Sentence, fo very ambiguous
that
f Dr. Fftb.
I Several ftudcnts were cited before the board for reading a
newipaper in the College Hall.
PRANCERIANA. 75
that they could not appeal from it, becaijfe forfooth
no one could underftand it. This and a great deal
more has been faid, and I muft own not without
foundation. You remember, my dear doctor, one
of them, f whom I harafTed for three days at the
board (who, unfortunately for us, had fo amiable a
character, and behaved with fuch moderation and
decorum that we could not venture to meddle with
him) had the impudence to afk me to give him a
copy of rtty fentence in writing j no doubt, for the
purpofe of appealing to the vifitors. The fellow
wanted me to give the unfubftantial nothing a being
and a name, But I wander from my point. What
can we do with thefe rcfolute, impracticable
fcholars ? '." .
Pompofo. Why, in God*s name, fmce violence has
not fucceeded, you may eflay the effect of more
pacific operations. Adulation, adulation, is the
grand arcanum ; as my poor friend Andrews ufed to
fay. You are, you know, foon to erect a theatre
for the purpofe of teaching the rifing generation the
arts of elocution, oratory, and. fucb like : thofe arts,
of which you are at once fo admirable a model and
fo exquifite a judge. Now, fuppofe I were, under
the guife of a preparatory cOurfe, to collect as many
of the fcholars of the houfe as I can, two or three
times a week (taking care always to mingle fome
non-electors along with them as a cloak to our de-
fign) and initiate them in the arts of pronunciation,
2 enunciation,
f Mr. Palmer.
76 P R A N C E R I A N A.
enunciation, and. fuch like, by affigning them certain
portions of Shakcfpeare, Milton, &c. to recite. I will
delate to you thofe fcholars who are the moft aftive
agitators for freedom and independence, whom it is
moft important for you to court urgently, and who
will moft difficultly be wrought upon. Then you
may purpofedly drop in, as it were by accident, and
by high encomiums on their performance worm
yourfelf you underftand me
Prancero. Perfectly. Ten thoufand thanks, my
dear Pomp. " Thou art the beft of cut-throats."
1 befeech you lofe no time, but run immediately
and bring in as many of the fcholars as you can
meet with I'll retire into th; next room ; and
prefently when you are all in the middle of the
pandemonium or the Capitol, drop in among you,
Pompofo. I fly to execute your mandates ; nor
{hall I tverfuccumb under any talk you are pleafed
to impofe upon me.
[Pompofo goes out, and Prancero retires into an
adjoi-aing chamber. After a Jhort abjence
Pompofo returns with half a dozen fcholars ]
Pompofo. Be fo good, Sir Claflkk, and Sir Silver-
ton, to open the celebrated fcene in Julius Caefar,
between Brutus and Caflius.
\$cbulars read.]
P R A N C E R I A N A. 77
Pompofo. Bene Euge admirable indeed !
But whom do I fee ? I proteft our amiable P
has condcfcended
Prancero (entering). Gentlemen, I beg you'll
keep your feats Sir Claffick Sir Silverton pray
go on ; I lhall be glad to take a leflbn from two
young gentlemen of whofe excellent elocution I
have heared fo much, fince my promotion to the
high office I have now the honour to enjoy.
Sir Silverton.
You ba<ve done that you Jhould be for ry for ;
There is no terror, Caffius, in your threats,.
For I am arm'd fo ftrong in honefty,
That they pafs by me as the idle wind
That I reipeft not ; I did fend to you
For certain fums of gold, which you deny'd me,
For I can raife no money by <vi!e means ;
By heav'n, I hail rather coin my heart,
And drop my blood for drachma's, than to vvring-
From the hard hands of peafants their vile trafh
By any indirection : I did fend
To you for gold to pay my legions,
Which you deny'd me ; was that done like Caffius ?
Shou'd I have anfwer'd Caius Caffius fo ?
When Marcus Brutus grows fo covetous,
To lock fuch rafcal counters from his friends ;
Be ready gods with all your thunder bolts,
Dam him to pieces.
Prancert.
79 PRANCERIANA.
Pranctro. ( Afide ) [not raife money by vile
means ! What an ideot \ but as Oliver Cromwell
ufed to fay, I muft talk to thefe fellows in their own
way] Excellent Brutus ! how noble, how gene-
rous, how difinterefted ! Sir Claflick pray proceed.
(Sir Cla/uk and Sir Silverton finijh the fcene.)
Prancero Fine enunciation ! So free from any
provincial accent fo void of any falfe tones !
I fhall be happy, Dr. Pompofo, to fhew thefe
young gentlemen, who are fuch proficients in the
moft difficult of all the arts, every favour in my
power.- I care not whether they vote for me or
again/} me, Merit fhaJ] be rewarded. But,
gentlemen, at our next meeting, I hope you will
bring Thucydides and Demofthenes \virh you. At
Eton, my fon tells me, they can conftrue either of
them at fight. The oration of Pericles will be a fine
piece for you to pronounce. In the mean whije, to
come nearer home, permit me to give you fome in-
ftru&ions with refpeft to fpeaking in parliament j
that great theatre of modern elocution. Such of you
as are defigned for the pulpit I leave to Dr. Pam-
pofo, than whom no man is mafter of a more fono-
rous, nervous and peifoafive eloquence. But for
parliamentary haranguing I will yield to no man.
The firft thing you muft attend to is your drefs ;
no man was ever liftened to who was not well drefT-
ed ; and when your years require you to wear a wig,
you muft take care to have at leaft 300 rows of curls
PRANCERIANA. 79
in it. The next thing, but I have not time to
difcufs this matter thoroughly. There are however
two or three fhort rules which you mull never for-
get ; begin always with telling your audience,
that the fubjedl of their confideration is the moft
important that ever was agitated in that affembly ;
(no matter what the queftion may be ; the erection
of a coal-yard ; widening Corke harbour, or any
thing elfe) Then be fure to repeat again, and again,
that you will make your pofitions as clear as the
Day-light. If any cbje&ion has been made by your
opponent?, which Hands plump in the way of thefs
Day-light Profojittons, if you have no anfvver ready,
which probably will be the cafe, you may lay, you
will come to that by-and by, and take care never
to come to it. Ay but fay you, this will never do
without a little argument ;---why, as for that you
may always contrive to fpeak pretty late in the de-
bate ;-- Glean up all the belt arguments that have
been ufed by thofe who have gone before you on the
fame fide of the quellion ;-- -clothe them in pretty
fmooth language; Be fure round all your periods
well j -If forely pufhed, call your adverfaries facti-
ous blockheads--- Artificers of attitudes fpouters of
periods dealers in feven-fyllabled phrafeology,---
barbers boys,- bungling incendiaries,-- or any other
names that come into your head ;---and when no-
thing elfe will go down, ftop their mouths with
fome ftale precedent, or obfolete ad of parliament ;
(no matter whether there be fuch a one or not) if
you are challenged to point out the place, take up
the
So PRANCERIANA.
the ftatute book, and affecl great furprifc at not
being able to find it, allhough perhaps you ranfack-
ed the book in vain for it, the whole day before
Prcbatum eft. But I fear I am tirefome. Pray,
Sir Claffick, will you be fo good as to open Waller
or Prior ; the Dodlor, I dare fay, has them ;
you are fond, I am told of the lighter poetry or
perhaps you will favour us with fome collegiate
produ&ion. 1 hope foon to inftitute premiums
for the Improvement of Compojttion . And though I
can't help lamenting, that by the moft unwarrant-
able and premature practices, a flame has been
kindled within thefe walls, which by the greateft
moderation and propriety of conduft, I have endea-
voured to allay, yet at the fame time it gives me in-
finite fatisfaftion to obferve that the late contefts
have drawn forth bafhful merit from its retreat.
The poem which was publiflied in the name of my
fon's nurfe, is indeed a mafter-piece, and would
have done honour to Pope.
Sir Claffick. With your permiffion then, Sir, I
will read you a little Jeu d'efprit, which has juft
appeared. (Reads,)
On the GENTLEMEN of the UNIVERSITY
being permitted to dance during THE SATUR-
NALIA.
Hark, what glad found, the darkling cloifter chears!
A dance, a dance the felhl band appears :
A dance,
PRANCERIANA. 81
A dance, a dance, the vaulted halls refound ;
A dance, a dance, the Frejbme* fhout around.
A fidler hark! he ftrikes the trembling firing,
According foot-fteps through the cloifters ring;
Now mall the gouty man his crutch forego,
And leap exulting like the powder'd beau :
Each college duty mall be done in dance,
And hopeful ftudents fhall not walk butpranfe.
Prancero. What a bitter dog ! he has difcharged
one of the enemy's pieces full in my bofom ; buc
I muft admire it. \_AJide.
He-he, very pleafant indeed ; he-he, the true At-
tick Salt !
Pomp&fo, (waking.) Blefs me ! where, am I ?
What can be the matter ? The little gentleman is
quite pale ; he looks at once dtftreffed and lively,
and will, I am fure, be glad to get away. [AJide.]
Excellent Sir, I admire how, in the multiplicity of
your avocations, you have been able not only to fa-
thom the profundities of ancient literature, but to
acquire, at the fame time, a talte for the more ex-
quifite graces of lighter compofuions. But, indeed,
this is too much after all the labours of the day-
the board the bar the council (to fay nothing
of your private lucubrations) you mull be enor-
moufly fatigued ; if you pleafc, therefore, we will,
break off for the prelent; and I hope thefe gentle-
men who have made fo aufpiciow a beginning, will,
ioon favour me with their company again.
E 5 Prantero*
82 PRANCERIANA.
Prancero. Well, fmce you will have it fo, we'll
have done for the prefent, though I am charmed
with this morning's entertainment; but 1 hope to
have many fuch and (hall always be happy to Ihew
every fcholar, of whatever party, and let him vote
honu be may, every countenance in my power, and
to inftrudl them, to the beft of my poor abilities, in
the great arts of pronunciation, enunciation, and
elocution.
[Exeunt o mites.}
y&8$#^^
No. 1 8. Wtdnefday, January 11, 1775.
Dixit adbttc aliquid ? nil fane. Ho R .
TO THE PUBLIC K.
HOWEVER improper it may appear in the
head of fo learned a Seminary, and fo re-
fpectable a Society as this, over which I have the
honour to prefide, to engage in a news-paper con-
tention, and to enter into a publick difcuffion, and
into a publick defence of that conduft, and thofe
meafures, which have been malignly attacked by
anonymous adverfaries ; yet, infpired by my zeal
for the welfare of the Univerfity (in which the wel-
fare of the kingdom is materially involved), and with
P R A N C E R I A N A. 8j
a view of removing the mifts of prejudice and error,
induftrioufly fpread before the intellectual eyes of
inexperienced young men, in order to miflead their
judgment, and to caufe them to deviate from the fe-
cure paths of falutary difcipline, into the dangerous
walk of unjuftifiable faction, I again appeal to the
candour, fenfe and experience of my countrymen ;
and, permit me to add, I entertain themoft fanguine
hopes that this publick addrefs will entirely extin-
guifh thofe ferments which my firft happily allayed.
J am confident that I will prove to demonftration,.
and make it as clear as the day-light, that the mea-
fures which I have purfued, fince my appointment,
have been dictated by wifdom, and are founded in
virtue j I will remove every fhadow of doubt from,
the minds of gentlemen who perufe my letters. But,
firft, let me obferve, that the fubjeft now laid before
the publick is of the greateft importance ; and, Jet
me entreat my countrymen ferioufly to turn it in
their thoughts, to afford it that dignified attention,,
that unprejudiced examination which its magnitude
merits ; a conduft eminently coincident with their
national character, fince it is univerfally acknowledg-
ed, that their patience, their fairnefs, their delibe-
rative dignity, when matters of public import are
referred to their confederation, can only be equalled
by the jafttce and impartiality 0} their decisions,
The prelent fubjeft is, perhaps, the moft material
that ever engaged the public attention. The Pro-
voft of your Univerfity is now the objeft of derifion,
84 PRANCERIANA.
is now pointed ac by the finger of fcorn, though the
refpe liability of his character be absolutely efl'ential
to the well being of the great fociety which he go-
verns. The Provoft of your Univerfity thus pub-
lickly acknowledges, that he folely relies on the
fuccefs of this appeal, on the ftrength of his defence,
on the jufticeof his countrymen, for the recovery of
his dignity : He, therefore, again repeats, this fub-
jecl is of importance ; he, therefore, again conjures
the publick to give it their ferious attention.
The adopting and executing a well- concerted fy-
ftem of education for youth, the inftilling in their
tender minds (now fufceptible of thofe impreflons
which are to ftamp their future character) the true
principles of found morality, folid learning, and le-
gal liberty, have been ever and juftly efteemed moil
highly interciling to the welfare of every well-regu-
lated ftate ; for, by -foch a prudent and effective dif-
cipline the members of thofe ftates will become va-
luable and virtuous citizens. The incomparable
Thucydides (an hiftorian unrivalled in thejuflnefs
and wifdom of his reflections, and in the depth of
his political knowledge) obferves, that the Spartan
legiflator favoured by the Delphic Oracle, from
whofe aw-ful fhrine he received the glorious epithet
of Godlike, derived this immortal compliment for his
illuilrious fyftem of educator^ regulations. Thus hi-
ftorical experience, and our own private reflections,
unite in imprinting on our minds this important
truth, that no ftate, no fociety can pofCbly flourifh
whilft
P R A N C E R I A N A. 85
whilft inattentive to the momentous concern, of
cftablifhing a prudent plan of wholefome difcipline,
by which the members of tbofe communities are
trained to an habitual reverence for, and conformity
to the iaws, virtue, and morality. Thefe general
principle?, thus eftablifhed, can without the pofli-
bility of cavil be applied to this country.
But before I make any pertinent reflections on
this great fubjecl, which I have thus endeavoured to
bring home to the hearts and underftandings of my
countrymen, give me leave to advance this incon-
trovertible maxim, that no fyftem of education,
however ably or wifely planned, can poffibly be ef-
feftive, unlefs the moft uniform refpeft be paid to
the man, to whofe knowledge, prudence and difcre-
tion, the execution of that fyftem is committed.
Though the evidence of this proportion muft extort
univerfal aflent, yet too true it is that artful and de-
figning men have thrown the moft illiberal imputa-
tions on my knowledge and abilities; imputations
moft fatal in their confequences, in as much, as they
have induced bothfeUows and ladi to withdraw every
mark of decent politenefs to me. Thefre/bmen laugh
at me ; the fellonus brow-beat me j my public fpeak-
ing is ridiculed ; my public compofitions are criti-
cifed. Let me calmly aflc, is it fitting, that the
Provoft of a college fhould be caufelefsly ma<ie the
butt of ridicule, the objeft of contempt } I cannot
become the trumpeter of my own praife, I detelt
egotifm; I do., however, appeal to the juftice of my
countrymen
V *
86 PRANCERIANA.
countrymen (and confident I am, that this appeal
cannot be attributed to vanity, the foible of weak
and unmanly minds) I appeal to their veracity,
whether many of them cannot, from their own ex-
perience give the lie to thofe ungenerous calumnia-
tors. I conjure my countrymen in the voice of
truth, of reafon and humanity, to controvert and
oppofe thofe dangerous falfhoods: If, my friends,
you regard your country, fuffer not thofe fatal preju-
dices againft, and this contemptible opinion of me,
to take inveterate root, and to grow up in the minds
of credulous boys. If any of you have influence
within thefe walls, exert it without delay ; aflume
the friendly office of mediators; reprefent me as a
man, who would wifh to treat the lads with the
tendernefs of parental afteftion, the fellows with
the confidence of equal friend/hip j difpel if poifi-
ble, the cloud of contempt which prevents my ri-
fing ; you will thus facilitate the execution of my
new regulations which will render this univerfity the
envy and the boaft of Europe. This naturally leads
me to a material obfervation ; at the fame time
give me leave to aflert, that I fcorn, (if I may be in-
dulged in the allufion) to pluck the laurel from the
tomb of my predecefibr, in order to form a wreath
for my own brows ; however my regard to truth
compels me thus publickly to declaie, though a re-
gard for his memory would itfduce me to fupprefs,
hi* fcandalous inattention to the great duties of his
office; and I give it as my opinion, that had he lived
four years longer, fcience and learning muft have
died.
PRANCERIANA. 87
died, and the banifhed mufes mourned for ever.
I hope my countrymen will excufe this digreffion ;
I hope they will fee as clearly as 1 do, the neceffity
and importance of it. I will now enter into the juf-
tification of my conduct ; but before I go fully into
the fubjeft, 1 could with to lay before the public
the real motives which influenced me to accept the
provoftfliip. I do folemnly aver, that I will not
falfify, but that J will ftrictly adhere to the truth.
What I have to fay on this head muft be deferred
until my next publication : as the public well know
to whom they are to attribute my fictitious name,
I fhall ftill fubfcribe myfelf
MODERATOR.
)&Qg&JKIG&^^
No 19. Friday, January 13, 1775.
Atque utinam aut ver us Juror ille aut creditus ejfet.
OVID.
To THE P T.
YOUR fecond addrefs to the public has come to
my Perufal, and merits fome degree of no-
tice. It deferves coafideration, not on account of
its
f 88 PRANCERIANA.
its ftile, for it is inelegant ; nor on account of its
matter, for it is frivolous ; but it deferves confide-
ration becaufe it exhibits a lively proof of the itnpo-
potence of ingenuity, when employed on the fide
of falfhoodj inoppofition to truth. Your warmeft
partizans allow, that language is your Forte. Not
hardy enough to contend for the folidity of your
judgment, they reft your merit on the elegance of
your declamation, fatisfied in giving up the ftrong
powers of your mind in return for the admiflion of
polite eloquence ; and indeed they are right.
Your mod vigorous efforts could never claim any
pretenfion to the one, and your laft eflay demon-
ftrates you are but periodical in the other. I mail
not'obferve minutely on your addrefs, for to be
minute when the whole is but a tiffue of littlenefs,
would be to make the comment as contemptible as
the text. The pompous commencement of your
letter led the publick to expeft mighty things. A
performance prefaced with all the big fplendour of
importance, induced people to look for fumething
beyond the mere play of words ; for fomething
which, though it mould not raife admiration, might
prevent difappointment. They hoped, through the
ihallow clearnefs of the ftream, to difcover fome-
thing like common fenfe at the bottom ; but how
were thofe expectations difgraced, when they read
a laboured attempt at vindication, that did not vin-
dicate ; when they beheld a Provofl of a learned
feminarj, pedantick without learning, and verbofe
without ftile ! As to your giving the title of " in-
comparable"
PRANCERIANA. 89
comparable" to Tbucydides in the midft of a long
paflage, evidently calculated to eftablifh a compa-
rifon between that judicious writer and yourfelf, I
fhall not dwell on it. I will not cavil on trifling in-
confiftencies. Indeed there 'is no neceflity where
the Provojl is in queftion. I admit that
" no fyftem of education, however ably or wifely
planned, can be effective unlefs refpeft be paid to
the man to whofe execution the fyftem is commit-
ted ;" but before refpeft is paid, it muft be deferr-
ed; and how refpeft can be deferved by the merce-
nary drudge of a long feries of corrupt adminiftra-
tions, the ingenuity of a Hutcbinfon, only can
explain. And how with fuch preteniion it can be
expected, the bluming modefty of the fame gentle-
men only can determine. You complain that
" illiberal imputations have been thrown on your
knowledge and abilities ; that therefore \hefellotvs
and lads are not decently polite to you." And do
you ferioufly think that illiberal imputations can be
fatal to real knowledge, and real abilities ? that they
can be fatal to imputed knowledge and imputed abi-
lities, the treatment you repine at clearly illuftrates.
I admire your exclaiming againft Egotifm after you
have juft declared that your meafures are dictated by
vvifjom, and founded on virtue. To exprefs de-
teftation for a thing almoft in the very aft of doing
it, is a figure of fingular boldnefs ; it has to re-
commend it what your integrity will have, when-
ever you chufe to pleafe the public with the glofs
of Novelty. I am, with you, of opinion, that
" vanity
9 o PRANCERIANA
" vanity is the foible of unmanly minds ;" oi
courfe it cannot poflibly be a foible annexed to
your conftitution, that has given through life fo
many mining proofs of a manly fpirit. Your cal-
ling out to all perfons who have any influence
within the college walls, " to exert it without
delay ;" prefents a remarkable inftance of elevation
without dignity of ftation, without refpect. You
feem determined to fpare neither the quick nor the
dead. What had poor ANDREWS, to do with
your whining appeal to the public ? Living, he
held you in avowed contempt. As you did not
ihew the refentment of a man then, you ought
not to aft a blacker part than ZANGA noiv ; for
even he " warred not with the dead ;" but the
grave is not facred from the malignity of a coward,
Andrews, with many pofitive faults, had fome
pofitive virtues. He could be an aftive faithful
Friend ; he could be zealous without being venal.
The warm foil of his conftitution threw up fome
plants that were vigorous, and not unvvholfome.
The ipewy coldnefs of yours can nourilh nothing
but frigid poifons ; but I will neither infult the
memory of departed frailty, nor flatter the parti-
ality of worthlefs petulance, by comparing a dead
i, with a living Hutcbinfon.
ANTI- MODERATOR.
PRANCERIANA. 91
No. 20. Monday, January 16, 1775.
Nugeeque canora. HOR.
TO THE PUBLIC K.
IT makes me extremely happy that the coinci-
dence of law and college vacation puts it into
my power to enter fully into my defence into the
merits of this important fubjeft. The man ar-
raigned at the awful bar of the publick is called on
to defend himfelf ; he mould not claim, from his
rank, or from his ftation, an exemption from this
duty.
But before I enter into the particulars of my de-
fence, permit me to expofe the reftlefihefs of the
malice of my enemies : they have ftiled (could
this be credited even in the legends of fcandal ? )
my late publick aiidrefles <verbofe nonfenfe, zndfrotty
declamation. I fcorn to refute this idle calumny :
fuffice it to fay, that I laboured 'in their compofition.
In Ihorr, (if I may be indulged in the allufion) the
foul magician, Ettvj, has raifed up, and blackened
my character, as a man, as a father, as a writer,
and
92 PRANCERIANA.
and as a fpeaker j the knight- errants of the quill
have eagerly purfued this phantom. I may, how-
ever, without vanity, affert, that after they had
hunted it through every field of quibble, and
every circle of chicane, they found it invulnerable.
I muft now, to fulfil my promife, mention the
motives which induced me to accept the provoftfhip.
I refpecl truth, and therefore will not fwerve from
it in this moft folemn declaration that neither
avarice nor ambition influenced my conducl that
I was actuated by an irrefiftible paffion for an eafy,
honourable literary retirement that I was impel-
led, from a fincere regard for the interefts of this
great feminary, in which I received the rudiments
of my education, to ftep forth to cherifli, fofter,
and improve it : yet what is my requital ? 1
have been called a mean intruder , every oppro-
brious epithet that rancour could fuggeft has been
unfparingly accumulated on me. Muft not this
(hort, unadorned recital draw tears from the eyes,
and excite pity for my fufferings in the relenting
breads of my generous countrymen r I fhall leave
this digreffion, (which I prefume was not imperti-
nent) and enter into my defence.
Give me leave, in the firft place, to affert, that
the college ought to be the provoil's borough ; .and
though this be a conceffion which I might reafon-
ably demand from my adverfaries, yet I will de-
monftrate this truth-.-I will remove even the poffir
bilicy
PRANCERIANA, 93
"bility of cavil*--! will eftablifh it on fuch a foun-
dation, that the pickaxe of fophiftry, the darts of
humour, (hall be unable to fliake it. I muft en-
treat my countrymen to turn their attention from
the theory of, to the practice in our excellent con-
flitution ; and I now reft my caufe on this fingle
point. If one folitary inftance can be produced in
this or in the lifter kingdom, wherein a returning
officer, lawfully vefted with the abfolute and unli-
mited nomination of the electors, did not claim and
exert the right of appointing the repfefentatives, I
give up my argument, and refign all preteniions
to legal or conftitutional knowledge. It is indif-
putable that our ftatutes have given me a pofitive
power of appointing every and each eleftor ; and
therefore, by that grant, lam, in reafon, injuftice,
and in right, intrufted with the fole and exclufive
privilege of choofing the reprefentatives of the uni-
verfity. Though this reafoning be conclufive, and
carries with it (in my mind) decifive weight ; yet,
to put the matter paft doubt, I will mention the
invariable election rules of the univerfities in the
iifter kingdom. The heads (I am not certain whe-
ther they are called provofts) name the candidates
to the electors, who conftantly acquiefce in the
judgment of their governors, and never interfere
except in the mere ac~l of giving their votes. This,
my countrymen, is an appeal to your experience
and common ienfe i---let rny adverfaries meet me
on this ground.
Permit
94 PRANCERIANA.
Permit me now to give the publick my mofl fo-
lemn affurance, that, from the ftrongeft conviilion
and moft mature confideration, I entertain this opi-
nion--an opinion not lightly taken up, but founded
on precedent and reafon that I am bound, in con-
fcience and in duty, that it is my duty, as provoft,
as a fervant of the crown, as a lover of my conn-
cry, to exert thofe legal powers with which the
conftitution of the kingdom, and the ftatutes of
this fociety have armed me, in effecting the return
at the approaching election, of two men who ob-
tain (and therefore merit) my approbation. I will
thus preferve inviolate the great prerogative of my
office---! will thus confult the dignity of the crown
and of parliament, the welfare of this fociety, and
happineis of the kingdom. Why, then, fhould I
be afhamed to avow, that my conduft and my
meafures, fince my appointment tended to this
fingle objeid& rendering this refpeclable corpo-
ration the provoft's borough ? Let my bafe tra-
clucers blum, whofe flanderous and venomous
writings have made me tre object of contempt and
deteftation who have mifreprefented that conduft
which fhould endear me to my fellow citizens, and
procure me the veneration of my country. Ex-
cufe this warmth the treatment I have met with
extorted from me thefe opprobrious epithets the
dignity of my character, and the moderation of my
temper, mall reflrain any further expreflion of re-
fentment let their own feelings be their punifh-
ment.
Having
PRANCERIANA. 9$
Having undeniably demonftrated that my ac-
tions have been founded on virtue, be it my part
now to prove that they have been dire&ed by wii-
dom, and were the refult of prudence. 1 always
imagined that the poor merit of confummate addrefs
was, by general con fen t, afcribed to me : yet even
this part of my character has been attacked.
It would take up too much to enter into particu-
lars at prefent : let me, however, conjure your at-
tention for a few minutes to one linking fact.
It is well known that I have been ridiculed by
the fcribblers of the day, for calling nine boards, on
an anonymous publication under the fignature of
Verax*. \ affert that this was a mafter-ftroke in
eledtion- addrefs. It was furely material to impress
the members of the board with the highcft refpeft
for my abilities; for every man of common fenfe
muftiee that I would thus effectually prevent their
intended oppofition to my collegiate regulations,
as provoft to my parliamentary views, as return-
ing officer. How could this be etfe&ed ? I knew
that thofe gentlemen did not attend the Four-Courts
or houie of commons ; "I therefore eagerly em-
braced this opportunity of difplaying my critical
and oratorical abilities;---! pointed out the inaccu-
curacies in che ilile of that compofition ; -I proved
the advantages of the liberty of the prefs ; I de-
monftrated
See No. 4. -
96 PRANCERIANA.
monftrated the danger from its degeneracy into li-
centioufnefs; -I ftated and obviated Lord Chefter-
field's objections to a moderate reltraint of it ;-- -I
introduced my panegyrick on George Faulkner; I
enforced my realbning ; I delivered my poor fen-
timents with all the energy and pathos which this
great fubjeft mould naturally call forth j and was
proceeding, at my ninth board, to lay before them
a flcetch of an excellent bill (which I have in con-
templation) for preventing the abufe of this iiefti-
mable privilege the boaft of our enviable conftitu-
tion when I perceived (I glow with indignation
while I relate it) that doftors Kearney, Wilfon, and
Murray, had fallen afleep.
Before I deduce my conclusion from the proceed-
ing in general, give me leave to make one fhort ob-
fervatibn on the gothic behaviour of thefe inelegant
Book-worms ; the epithet may be thought too fe-
vere ; I will not, however, retraft it, becaufe they
merit it. If I may be indulged in this pleafantry,
they refembled the afles in the Italian fable on whom
Morpheus fheds his poppies, whilft the nightingale
fings. But, to return to the lubjcft, my particular
obfervation is this : Is not the wifdom and pene-
tration of our excellent chief governor ; is not the
parental affedVion to his people of the befl of princes
now clearly evidenced in their appointing me pro-
voft ? I may, without the imputation of felr-con-
ceit, aflert that no man in the kingdom is better
qualified for wiping away the full neceffarily con-
tradlcd
P R A N C E R I A N A; 97
trafted in fcientifick ells. My general conclufion is
this : Could human wifdom (let me appeal to gen-
tlemen's candour) fuggeft any fcheme more likely to
effedl the end I had in view, than the conduit which
I purfued at thofe boards ? It is not in a man's
power to command fuccefs. I (hall now conclude
with obferving, that my calumniators have (to ufe
an allufion) violated the laws of their country;
they have' put my conduct to the rack ; be it my
office to reunite its mangled limbs; to-reftore not
only its firmnefe, but its beauty.
MODERATOR.
P. S. The p t having, now, compleatly juf-
tified himfelf as to College-matters ; will, in his
next paper, addrefs himfelf, particularly, to his re-
(neftable conftituents.
No. 21,
9 8 PRANCERIANA.
No. 21. Wednefday, January 1 8, 1774.
$V/ qiioqiie noftra domui vel cenfu parva vel ortu,
fagenio certe nsa latet ilia meo, OVID.
TO THE RESPECTABLE ELECTORS OF THE
CITY OF CORKE.
IF the man who has facrificed every private con-
iideration who has devoted his life to the fer-
vice of his king and country who has worn out his
conflitution, who has injured his fortune, by his un-
wearied attention to the interefts of the publick
may, with propriety, claim from any fet of men li-
ving a patient and unprejudiced hearing, whilft he
refutes thofe calumnies from which his publick merit
and his private virtues could not fhield him, he
furely might demand this fmall favour as his right,
xvhen he addrefles himfelf to men who have long
known and proved his worth whofe city, not long
fince a mere neft of fmugglers, his poor efforts, zea-
loufly exerted, have raifed to an enviable height to
men, who, with an honourable liberality of mind,
muft confefs that they have now become, chiefly
through his means, fair, refpeftable, and opulent
traders. Your faithful representative, with a confi-
dence
PRANCERIANA. 99
dence which confcious integrity could alone infpire,
appeals to you, his conftituents to you fubmits
the canvafs of his conduct. Happy am I, in feel-
ing that I muft have, on this great occafion, a pow-
erful advocate in your breafts your gratitude. Is
there an individual in your city who muft not con-
fefs, that from me, in a great meafure, he derives
his comforts and his wealth i Such fervices, I well
know, might probably have out-tongued the cla-
mours which prevail againft me ; and I might,
without any imputation, have declined this fpecies
of juftification, which fome may think derogatory
to my dignity. I can, however, claim, in this part
of my condudt, the merit (merit by no means in-
confiderable) that I have uniformly mewed the moft
refpelful attention to you, my friends and fellow-
citizens.
Permit me to remind you of what I have done,
and what I have fuffered for you. When his Ma-
jelty was pleafed to confer on me the important
truft of the provoftfhip, I feized the earlieft oppor-
tunity of communicating to you (and let me fay
this was a mark of refpefl which any other man in
my fituation would have omitted) the interefting in-
telligence of this honourable promotion. I wifhed
too that your happinefs on this occafion fhould not
be in the leaft allayed ; and therefore refolved that
the tidings of this great event fliould be firft an-
nounced to you by my pen. In a fentimental inter-
courfe between delicate and warm friends, no medi-
F 2 ator
too PRANCERIANA.
acor fliould be admitted ; the delightful ftream of
a mutual communication of thoughts fhould flow
direct. For the fole purpofe, therefore, of prevent-
ing a premature conveyance to you of the news of
my appointment, I brifltly puflied about (if I may
be indulged in the pleafant allufion) an honourable
falfhood, and made my friend Darner, my Croupier :
I made this obliging little man aflert, in every quar-
ter of the city, upon his honour, that I would not
be lo ungenerous as to folicit that government
would not be fo wicked as to grant me, this of-
fice. By this innocent contrivance I added confide-
rably to the rapturous fatisfac"lion of men, whofe
refined feelings lo well qualify them for enjoying
the delightful fealt of friendfhip.
But exquifite fenfibilicy has its mifery. I muft
\vound your fympathetick breads, when I tell you
that appointment has embittered every hour of my
Jife; when I unbofoin myfelf to you, in the confi-
dence of friendlhip, and confefs that the Provoft's
chair, in which I fondly hoped to repofc myfelf,
after the fatigues of a bufy, buillhig life, is a feat of
thorns. And for whofe fake have J fufFered the
miieries which my acceptance of the provollfhip
has drawn on me ? For the fake of you, and your
children; an unremitting attention to- your inte-
refts is the general fpring of my actions, and folely
influenced my conduct in this inflance. From the
day of my appointment I had refolved, in the dif-
charge of the great duties of my important office, to
/hew
PRANCERIANA. 101.
mew fuch an exemplary attention to the learning and
morals of your fons, that every father in your city
muft be branded as ungrateful, muft be a bankrupt
in honour, who did not repay tbtfe favou.s by an.
abiblute furrender to me of the difpofal of their
votes. Befides, I confefs, I did once flatter myfelf
that the influence within tbofe walls neceffarily de-
rived to me from my ftation, mull have enabled me
to nominate the reprefentatives of the univerfity.
What advantages might I not then have realonably
expefted to have procured for your city ? - With ths
addition of two or three members to my following
in parliament, I fhould have effectuated fchemes
which would have rendered Corke the grand Empo-
rium of the Univerfe.
I- have not room in this, my fir ft addrefs to my
conllituents, to lay before them the important fer-
vices which I have performed for them. I (hall con-
fine myfelf to the lighter though material obligati-
ons which they have received from me. At thii
period, when reprefentatives prefume to contemn
the approbation, and flight the advice of their con-
itituents in matters which particularly relate to
them, what has been my conduct even on occafions
in which they were not at all interefted ? I was
baf.ly calumniated, as having acted unconditio-
nally in difpeiflng the meeting of the fcholars. Did
I by my lilence countenance and encourage fuch
attacks ? Did I fhew a contemptuous indifference
to the good opinion of you, and the reft of my coun-
trymen ? No ; the very next paper produced my
refutation.
102 PRANCERIANA.
refutation under the fame fignature I new adopt ; *
and the ftiOng brightnefs of truth beaming forth
from that defence flalhed conviclion upon the minds
of gentlemen, who perufed it. Did 1 truft to the
ufual conveyance of news papers ? Did I not fend
my compofuion under cover to every refpeftable
conftituent ; every refpedlable gentleman in your
county ? Did I not confult your commendable
frugality, a virtue, the ban's of that hofpitality
which charafterifes your city ? And, did I not,
therefore, procure the Secretary's franks ? This,
my friends was a feries of refpedtful attention, which
I will be bold to fay, no other man in the kingdom,
circumftanced as I am, would have purfued.
When I was traduced in my collegiate character,
did I not difcover the fame praife- worth fenfibility,
the fame virtuous folicitude for your good eftima-
tion ? I fummoned a board, I conjured the fenior
fellows, as a fuppliant, for a certificate of my conduft ;
and, when tbofe gentlemen oppofed me, and aflert-
ed that I was foregoing my dignity, I conjured
them in the pathetick voice of pity to grant my re-
queft. They at length indulged me. Here let me
obferve, that the difficulties I had to encounter in
this bufinefs enhance my merit. Did I, my fellow
citizens, reft my caufe even on this juftification ?
No ; I wrote a pamphlet Jon my conduft, difperfed
it with my own hands in this, and fent it down to
* Sec No. 3. t s No. a6.
your
PRANCERIANA. 103
your city And here let me point out the great pur-
pofes of that pamphlet : firft, it will aid me to re-
cover my loft refpeftability of charafter, which
fliould, I may fay, be an inherent quality in the
governor of this great fociety ; and, fecondly, it
will ierve as a model of compofition. You may ob.
ferve in perufing that pamphlet, that the gre ;t ob-
je6t of my new regulations is, to encourage tb<*t
important art I have often lamented and admired
that this great country, in which liberty, the
nurfe of genius, has fixed her feat, cannot boaft
of even one decent writer. When I anxioufly
turned this fubjecl in my thoughts, I imputed the
dearth of merit in this important branch of lite-
rature, to the want of an EngliQi ftandard i,n com-
pofing ; and for this reafon, becaufe I well knew
the natural indolence of my countrymen prevented
their recurring to the great fources of antiquity, 1
thought it therefore my duty to engage in a courfe
of laborious ftudy ; I read with intenfe attention,
and with difficulty conquered thofe matter writers
(if I may ufe the expreffion) Thucydides and Dc-
mofthenes peri Stephanou. I transfufed their pia-
jefty, their cone&nefs, and their beauty, into
the compofition I allude to. In my ftyle, I aimed
at accuracy without prolixity, dignity without
bombalt, fimplicity without meannefs, and chaftity
without (if I may be indulged in applying the idea
to compofition) prudery. I endeavoured to make
that poor piece, as all- bounteous nature has formed
your daughters, fair, yet unadorned j elegant, yet
unaffeded.
io 4 P R A N C E R I A N A.
unafFefted. Above all things I took care to be cor-
rect without the difagreeable fault of grammatical
ftiffnefs. - Thus, my friends, my labour and my
time have been expended for the fervice of your
children, for the fervice of the rifing generation.
It pains the man who poilefles a generous mind,
to recite conferred favours. I muft, however, point
out to the principal merchants an obligation which
they received from me. On my firft introduction to
them I perceived, during our feftive intercourfe,
that they were perfeftly illitetate. This misfortune
couid not be iir.puted to them ; it rauft be afcribed
to the contracted fjftem of a commercial education;
Anxious to contribute, as much as in me lay, to
to their perfection, J made intereftwith government
to be generally appointed for the Munfter circuit.
I thought that from the bench oi juRice, I could,
with the moil correft delicacy, inftruft them in
thofe common principles of legal knowledge and
civil policy which every gentleman fhou'd know.
Call to your minds my fpeeches to your grand jury.
Did I not lay before them the origin of civil
fociety ? did I not diftinguifh and explain the
different forms of government ? Did I noc
paint in glowing colours, with the pencil of a
inafter, the outlines of our excellent conftitu-
tion ? I wiil be bold to alfert that no other judge
in his majefty's dominions would, without reward,
exert his powers of oratory for the fpace of four
hours ;
P R A N C E R I A N A. 105
hours; and for no other purpofe, but to inftrucY
the ignorant.
I fhall, with the greateft refpeft, take my leave
for the prefent, and conclude with making this
earned requeft, that you will preferve each particular
paper until the whole of this laborious, though ne-
ceffary tafk be compleated : then read with can-
dour, and with attention the fyftem of my jufti-
fication, and acknowledge I have raifed fuch a
fabrick offolid reafoning, and irrefragable defence,
that every future attack of. my enemies /hall prove
impotent.
MODERATOR..
F 5, No. ^^ i
ic6 PRANCE RIAN A.
<88H8H8?iH8H8HKH^
No. 22. Friday, January 20, 1775.
Neve mibi noceat quod vobis femper,
Profult ingenium : meaque b&c facundia, fi qua eft,
>a<e mine pro domino pre vobis fatpe locuta eft,
J nvidia caret. OVID.
TO THE RESPECTABLE ELECTORS OF THE
CITY OF CORKE,
THIS is the important crifis of my life. -
Each hour prefents new difficulties new
diftrefles. If fuch be my fituation, I mould pay an
ill compliment to my generous conftituents, in apo-
logizing for this defultory (now the only pofiible)
mode of j unification. Perplexed, embarafled, un-
counfelled, unfriended, I muft make this laft appeal
to the humanity of my countrymen ; I muft con-
jure their ferious attention for the great purpofe of
candid difquifition. But before I enter into the
grand queftion, permit me to defend my conduct
on a latej memorable occafion J. The practice of
fighting duels I have ever abhorr'd, and heretofore
ever avoided. I appeal to Mr. Devonfhire for the
truth of this laft aflertion. I appeal to my coun-
trymen, whether my condudt in an affair of honour
with
J A few days before the publication of this paper, the pro-
*oft fought Mr. Doyle.
PRANCERIANA. .107
with a deceafed popular patriot did not evince the
peaceablenefs of my difpofition. The moft refpec-
table members in the houfe of commons can teftify,
that I always mewed, by my conducl in that aflem-
bly, a firm difmclination to the inhuman Gothick
appeal. From the cleareft principles of reafon, I
have formed thia opinion, that an experienced fe-
nator, a faithful and able counfellor to hismajefty, a
virtuous reprefentative, materially injures his coun-
try, his king, and his conftituents, if he expofes his
life in a foolifti, unimportant difpute. There occur,
hoxvever, in this earthly pilgrimage, fome fevere
trials, wherein a man muft defert his principles and
do violence to his nature. In this light my coun-
trymen will confider my late affair of honour, when
1 prove to demonftration, and force the moft unrea-
fonable man alive to confefs, that I could not have
declined that dreadful meeting, without fubmilting
to the brand of a liar or a coward. Permit me to
recite the fads truly as they were. I unguardedly
denounced vengeance againft Mr. Doyle i threat-
ened to chaftife him. You will credit this folemn
affeveration, that I never intended to have executed
thefe threats that I never dreamed that thofe lew
idle words could have reached his ears : yet he did
hear my declarations, and demanded fatisfadion.
Let me appeal to gentlemen's candour, could t
have denied my afiertions ?- Could I have con-
fefTed myfelf a coward and a bully ? In this
choice of difficulties, I was forced to adopt the refo-
lution of accepting this gentleman's invitation to the
(field
ice P R A N C E R I A N A.
field of honour. Can any man come forth, and
point out how I c^uld have avoided this meafure ?
If no man can, I muft furly ftand acquitted in the
opinion of the great (ociety which I govern, in the
opinion of the great city which I reprefent. There
is one important advantage which I mall probably
derive from this traniaftion : gentlemen will now
fee that men of honour and of fpirit will infift on
atonement for abufive language ; and fince I can
rightfully claim no inconfiderable rank in that ref-
peftable clafs, I might reafonably expect that the
coward, foul-mouthed flander will henceforth clofe
his lips. I warn, gentlemen (and furely the admo-
nition muft be acknowledged feafonable fince party-
rage daily {Sacrifices the rnoft dignified characters at
the altar of cenfure) that I will infult no man, and
muft not be infulted ; that I will menace no man,
and muft not be menaced ; that I will nickname no
man, and muft not be nicknamed. The criterion
of a man of true honour is not to give nor to bear
an affront. My expreffing fuch fentiments might
perhaps make fome gentlemen in your city ; (I
allude to no man in particular) really quake, f
I (hall now leave this necefiary digreflion, and
introduce the great fubjefl of myaddpefs. But be-
fore I enumerate the important advantages which
you Have derived from me the important fervices
which I had in contemplation to have performed for
you,
f- Mr. Strettle, of Corke> is a Quaker.
PRANCERIANA. 109
you, give me leave to mention one ftriking inftance
of the moft refpeftful and difinterefted attention to
your city and its citizens. I have fele&ed Dr. For-
fayethas my favourite, my eleclion-agent, and my
advifer. This ruinous compliment has involved
me in inextricable difficulties You all know the
roughnefs of manners your townfman poffefles, the
violence of his temper, his perfeft ignorance of the
world and of the human heart. Anxious to ob-
lige you, yet dreading the effefts of his intemperate
zeal, I was reduced to the moft diftradting alterna-
tive. In this perplexed and pitiable ftate of mind
the only expedient that occurred was, to recommend
to him a cautious and attentive perufal of lord
Chefterfield's letters. One difficulty ftarted up a
fufpicion I entertained of the foundnefsof the doc-
tor's principles. I obferved in him a perfeverance
in throwing illiberal imputations on the morals and
knowledge of every tutor in the college, one ex-
cepted ; as if the ruin of every other man's character
was the only foundation on which he could ereft the
reputation of his friend. Dreading, therefore, the
confequence of putting fuch an author into his
hands, I thought it my duty to take him to my
ftudy ; I there conjured him to arm himfelf with
the fliield of religion and morality againft the dan-
gerous attacks of the ingenious, noble libertine.
But, alas ! my admonition did not fucceed. This
fatal book has ruined his morals without poliftnng
his manners. I have, however, procured him no in-
confiderable
lie PRANCERIANA.
confiderable preferment, f and foleninly promife that
I will exert all roy intereft to place a mitre on his
head.
Thus far it appears, that I have on all occafions
ihewed the moft pun&ilious refpedl to you ; my im-
portant iervices muft now be enumerated. I con-
ceive that the great duty of a member of parlia-
ment is, to unite the intereftsof the place he repre-
fents, and of the country in general. Has not this
been my conduct ? When our treafury was rich,
when our refources were great, when there was an
unapplied redundancy in the public coffers, did I
not then procure for your city confiderable parlia-
mentary bounties ? But, when his gracious majefty
was pleafed to defire that the money, which was
formerly expended in the improvement of this coun-
try, ihould, in future, be devoted to the rewarding
of his faithful fervants in the houfe of commons,
did I from that period foiicit the fmalleft grant for
your city ? No ; my moft implacable enemies dare
not affert it. J wilh for the profperity of your city ;
bar, to promote it, I never will injure the kingdom.
If the real wants of government, if the high official
ftation I hold among the fervants of the crown, ob-
liged me to affift in increafing the penfion and the
place eftablifhment, the more obvious was the ne-
cefli y of my defifting from applications in behalf
of your city ; fines the .confequence of their fuccefs
muft have been the impofmg of new taxes, or de-
priving
f The living of Kilcock.
P R A N C E R I A N A. iu
priving the fteady and warm fupporters of admini-
ftration of their well-earned itipends. How much,
then, muft this pkafing reflection increafe your hap-
pinefs ; that your city has been improved with
money, for which there was no other claimant ;
that you (if I may be indulged in the allufion)
jlourijb, without having contributed to blaft your
neighbours. This too, muft confiderably add to
your fatisfaclion, that many of my zealous friends
(particularly that refpeftable citizen, Mr. Izod, to
whom I am fo nearly allied) have been rewarded by
me with genteel and lucrative appointments in the
expenditure of thefe publick grants.
This part of my fubjecT: naturally leads me to
point out to you an inftance of the moft delicate re-
fpeft that, perhaps, ever was obferved by a reprc-
fentative to his conftituents. When my imprudent
colleague contributed 500!. to the compleating your
favourite walk, what was my condudt ? I appeal
even to my enemies, whether they can produce
one inftance of my ever having affronted the moft
opulent traders in his majefty's, or any other poten-
tate's dominions, by offering my paltry private con-
tributions to affift the effectuating of their great
publick works? No; I never will wound the
honourable pride of a liberal merchant.
Has my attention te your interefts been folely
confined to the prefent hour? No ; I have en-
larged the great and ufeful frhemes I had conceiv-
ed,
ii2 P R A N C E R I A N A.
ed, and extended my views to future ages. Con-
fcious that I could eafily have rendered my affection
for your city hereditary, and that my fons, and fon's
fons would difplay the fame ability and zeal in pro-
tecting your rights and in improving your trade,
which you ever experienced in me, I had refolved
to make your city a family-borough. For this pur-
pofe; I made feveral of my ftaunchell friends free
of your corporation, and attempted to confer, this
diftinguifhed honour on a number of my tenants.
But, you nourifli vipers in your bofoms ; you have
friends in your city that were bafe enough to oppofe
(from felfilh motives) and defeat the man who con-
fults your intereft and your honour.
Such have been my actual fervices j fuch my
intentions in your favour. Permit me now to ad-
drefs you, not in the rough language of an infolent
blufterer, but in the gentle murmuringsof a flight-
ed lover to his miftrefs.- Was it not unkind to
refufe me the common compliment of a civil ad-
drefs ? I will venture to affirm (if I may be indulg-
ed in purfuing the metaphor) that 1 have no rival in
your good graces who can boaft of fuch conftancy
or warmth of affection. The good offices I have
done you might, furely, have claimed fo fmall a
requital. Let me, however, aflure you that no in-
juries, no infults fliall abate my defire to ferve you.
Here I muft lament the difagreeable neceflity
which lord Shannon's coalition with government has
iropofed .
P R A N C E R I A N A. 113
impofed on me. lam obliged to join interefts with
this nobleman. He artfully procured the intercef-
fion of our excellent chief governor. Gratitude in-
duced me to comply This will, furely, plead my
excufc with men who, I hope, refpecl that virtue.
It grieves me that this unfortunate junction has
precluded the execution of a fcheme honourable
and beneficial to your city. When 1 imagined that
I was unanimoufly to be elefled your reprefentative,
my ardent gratitude for this diftinguifhed compli-
ment induced me to inveftigate, in the circle of my
acquaintance, a man whofe political fentiments I
approved ; on whofe honour I might rely for co-
operating with me in the important guardianlhip of
your interefts. Influenced by thefe motives, I
fhould have propofed, as the lecond objeft of your
choice, a friend well entitled to your unanimous
fuffrages. If, however, the mcaneft voter had the
flighteft objection to my firft nominee (fo great is
my defire to conciliate every individual in your city)
I would patiently fubmit to his unreafonable op-
pofition, and chearfully withdraw my favourite. I
mould, however, have perfevered in my duty } I
fliould have perfifted.in recommending to you, my
colleague, until I had pointed out a man in whofe
character malice itfelf could not find a ftain. My
enemies will fay that I difguife felfifh and private
views, under the veil of public-fpirited profeffions.
Obferve, my friends, fuch a charge carries ab-
furdity on tKe face of it. It is well known that
the parliamentary influence I muft neceflarily pof-
feft.
ii 4 PRANCE R IAN A.
fefs, along with my poor fpeaking abilities, is fuffi-
cient to anfwer every private purpofe. I own, I
ardently wifh to have a refpcftable following in the
next parliament, for the fole purpofe of giving
weight to a remonftrance which I {hall urge at the
foot of the throne. I will infift on my removal
from the port of Strangford to the port of Corke. I
muft fay, that even the loyalty I bear my fovereign,
does not entirely reprefs fome little refentment
which arifes when I refledl upon my late appoint-
ment. I have ably and faithfully ferved his majefty
in the law, in the military, in the literary line. He
has lately been gracioufly pleafed to ftation me in
the revenue-department, f I muft, however, fay,
he has not treated me with his ufual indulgence, by
banifhing me to the north. He mould not have ex-
pofed a body reduced to decrepitude in his fervice,
to the chilling blafts of that ungenial climate. He
mould know that I never did that I never will
make a finecure of any employment entruftcd to me.
If my reafonable requeft be complied with, I mail
divide my time in attending collegiate and revenue
duties ; and I doubt not but that, from my intimate
acquaintance with the code of commercial laws, I
mall be able to execute fchemes which will enrich
the crown, and, at the fame time, eafe the fair and
induftrious trader.
You
f Searcher, Packer, and Gauger of Strangford
P R A N C E R I A N A. 115
You have now before you the whole fyftem of
that conduft which I have obferved, and intended
to obferve towards you ; judge of it with imparti-
ality ;~liftennottothe foggeftions of defigningmen.
If you review with candour and with attention what
I have ably ftated and urged to you, the artifices of
my enemies (the friends of faction) can never miflead
you.
MODERATOR.
Ad
n6 P R A N C E R I A N A,
Ad QuiNTUM HlRPINUM.
HOR. LIB. II. ODE XI.
QUID bellicofus Cantaber, et Scythes,
Hirpine Quinti, cogitet, Adria
j3ivifus objefto, rcmiflas
Quaerere, nee trepides in ufum
Pofcentis aevi pauca : fugit retro
La; vis juventas et decor, arida
Pellente lafcivos amores
Canitie, facilemque fomnum.
Non Temper idem floribus eft Jionos
Vernis, neque uno Luna rubens nitet
Vultu : quid aeternis minorem
Confiliis animum fatigas ?
Cur non fub alta vel platano, vel hac
Pinujacentes fie temere, et rofa
Canos odorati capillos,
Dum licet, Aflyriaque nardo
Potamus unfti ? Diffipat Eviu
Curas edaces. Quis puer ocius
Reftinguet ardentis Falerni
Pocula practereunte lympha ?
Quis devium fcortum eliciet domo
Lyden ? Eburna, die age, cum lyra
Maturet, incomtum Lacaenae
More comam reiigata nodum.
No. 23,
P R A N C E R I A N A. 117
No. 23. Saturday, January zi, 1775.
Ex noto fiftum carmen fequar. Ho R .
TO SIR JOHN BLAQJJIERE, K. B.
WHAT'S angry Tifdal\ fecret aim,
What's now infatiate PR ANGER'S claim,
Stay, and forget at London ;
Blaquiere, thy own preferment's fure,
Thy place and penfion are fecure,
Although the nation's undone.
Unequal to the ftatefman's toil,
No more that body twHtand coil,
And keep good people falling }
Enjoy the world e'en while you may,
The ftrongeft frames, you know, decay,
And thine'snot made for lafting.
In your own fifteen acres laid
We'll fcorn that bufy factious trade,
Which cits takes fuch delight in ;
Though you inclofe fifteen befide,
Cits will have room enough to ride,
And W fh. enough to fight in.
There chafe the thoughts of publick fhame
(Forflatt'ry does as well as fame)
With burgundy and fherry ;
There open all your Gallick ftore,
Fran s dial! go and fetch your whore,
And Sc t fhall make her merry. -
Let her beneath the beechen fhade,
Though for far other dryads made,
Laugh at the Dublin jury ;
Like ravifh'd Helen, blous'd her hair,
Her leg, like Spartan Virgin's bare ;
Her breaft, like thofe of Drury,
No. 24.
1,8 P R A N C E R I A N A.
No. 24. Monday, January 23, 1774.
PLUT. in ANT,
TO HIPFARCHUS.
HAPPILY for mankind, even the unprinci-
pled and bafe find utility in honefty. The
greateft villain (if a prudent one) will not do wrong
without good caufe, nor hazard the numberlefs ad-
vantages derived from the confidence and efteem of
his fellow citizens, except it be to attain fome very
fignal profit.
To recommend moderation and juftice to Hippar-
cbus,from virtuous motives, were to betray ignorance
of the world, and of bis cbarafter : but the meamft
underftanding may fee the expediency of calmnefs
in oppreffion, and decency in Corruption j might
I perfuade him to lop a few luxuriances from his
Tyranny, I fhould materially ferve him, and not
dif-ferve the community.
It
PRANCERIANA. 119
It is difficult (Hipparchus would fay impoffible)
to find a man who afts on virtuous motives j yet if
we cannot make men upright, let us entreat them
to be moderate, and wifh them to be prudent.
Want of principle makes a more hateful compound
with folly than with common fenfe : the blunders of
the foolifh are often more fatal than the iniquities of
the difhoneft. Wretched are they who muft digeft
the bitter fruits of corruption grafted on folly ; who
who muft mark the inceftuous union between abfur-
dity and bafenefs, and endure not only the inten-
tional dircdl inflictions of malice, but the cafual
and indireft ones of weaknefs.
You, Hipparchus, are now in the fituation of
an unlucky boy, who has clambered to a houfe-
top, and clings, trembling at his own temerity,
and expefting to roll over and over with giddinefs :
all you muft now hope for, is to fall in decent fi-
lence.
Cenfure was loud on your predeceffbr ; he gave
too much caufe for the clamour. Your conduct
has been his beft eulogium and juftification : he
was ever accounted an able - from comparifon with
you, he may be called a virtuous, incorrupt go-
vernor. By meafures more violent than any at-
tempted by him, you have wantonly thrown your-
felf into difficulties, from which a miracle alone
can deliver you -your aftihg with temper and pru-
dence
Your
izo P R A N C E R I A N A.
Your adminiftration exhibits a mafs of crude,
unformed, fufpended projefts ; not unlike a broken,
ihowry iky, where clouds are driven in confufed,
unftable heaps, before the wind. It feems as if
you accepted your prefent poft merely to gratify
your enemies (or the friends of 'virtue} with a fight
of the irrevocable blunders and irretrievable per-
plexities of a wretched man, clofing in abfurdity a
life of venality and corruption.
The following hints (believe me) will be more
ufeful in extricating you from your diftrefs, than
the frantick counfels of the intemperate, miferable
man who engrofles your ear.
You will have as many opportunities of expofing
the want of learned attainments as you can reafon-
ably defire ; feek not to multiply them by fuch
violent methods as altering the plan of education
in your dominions. - Rcflrain the parade and buft-
ling adlivity of forward, blundering, affuming ig-
norance. Check the overflowings of vanity, the
fubmiffive infolence, and the ftudied tedioufnefs.
Veil yourfelf from hoftile remarkers in modeft re-
ferve. Be not blinded when the fervile burn
their incenfe before the gilded idol ; nor think that
the relpect and praife paid to ftation and wealth,
are extorted by addrefs, genius, and learning.
Your political fchemes will be too heavy for your
management. Seek not fupernumerary difficulties
by
P R A N C E R I A N A. 121
by literary plans, which can anfwer no end, but
to gratify the vanity, and Ihew the folly of their
author. Do not convene your council, unlefs you
have bufinefs more important than to mew your
oratory ; vulgar fpirits will hardly find an attone-
rfient for lofs of time and the vexation of debates,
prolix as unimportant, even in the elocution of an
Hipparchus. The majefty of power falls into con-
tempt, when mighty efforts are tried, and found in-
fuffident to produce trifles; when preparation, fo*
lemnity and pa' ade, uifler in nothings ; when deli-
beration, confultation, declamation, -written ha-
rangues, and elaborate oratory end in projects (like
their projeftor) unweildy, lame, empty, folemn, and
infigriificant.
An attention to ftrift difcipline is furely com-
mendable; yet it may irritate prejudiced minds,
who will call it the poor revenge of difappointed
tyranny, or a fnare for untraclable fpirits, covered
over with pretended zeal for the publick good.
Your care for religion is fignal, and fuits your
tbarafier: yet, in a man of lefs exemplary piety, it
might be called an hypocritical endeavour to ianc-
tify mifdeeds, by pious grimace an attempt to
turn our eyes from old latitude of opinion, by new
obfervances and punctualities the complaifance
(exceffive from a confcioufnefs of its being infincere)
of a.*Deift, feigning refpect for opinions and cere-
monies at which he laughs in his heart oi&pry-
G fane
i.22 P R A N C E R I A N A.
fane perverfion of religion to the purpofes of ty-
ranny, as an engine for harraffing the obnoxious.
As the generous fpirit of electors, aided by your
own perverfe endeavours, muft cut off all your
hopes of influencing the eleftion, if you are wife,
you will not interfere where you cannot prevail :
but a fcene for exercifing corruption is, perhaps,
too ftrong a temptation for a corrupt mind.' Aft,
then, with moderation ; let your applications to
individuals be as fecret as may be ; befiege the
younger electors by their parents and connexions
hold forth to them rewards ; ufe rather the emol-
lients of mildnefs and civility, than the caufticks
of threats and perfecution.
Should an individual, from whofe wants and ne-
ceflities you might well expeft pliability, prove re-
fradtory, you will not dare to rob him of the little
employment which he has difcharged without re-
proach, and which only the council at large can le-
gally give or take away. No ! This is too bold an
exertion of tyranny and cruelty, even tor jour un-
blufhing want of principle, and the rajb malevolence
of your faintly advifer.
^ Let your fpies and emiflaries mix among your
opponents; endeavour to fow diflentions, and
raife various fentiments among them j divide and
rule them. Affail the fuperior electors with flatte-
ry, convivial pleafures, and the condefcenfion of
familiar
f Hipparcltis has followed this advice.
P R A N C E R I A N A. iz$
familiar converfe. Flattery is powerful ; from a
fuperior, almofl irrefiftiblc ; to an irrefolute, bafh-
ful man, unacquainted with the world, the fami-
liarity of the great is an inevitable fnare ; his
vanity rifes to make the continuance of it valuable
and neceflary ; dazzled by the difference of rank,
he thinks it a favour which can only be repaid by
implicit obedience. A heart, at once confounded
with religious reverence, on admiffion to the pene-
tralia of greatnefs, awed by its own timidity, and
opened by the feftal moment, will make all your
requefts, commands. You will meet, however,
with many fpirits of a contrary ftamp, ; and in his
conduft to thefe, I need not caution & politician to
ufe temper and politenefs to check the overflow-
ings of his native infolence and petulance and not
to infult whom he cannot perfuade.
I now leave you to the difficulties you have cre-
ated to the oppofition you muft encounter to the
fhame you muft endure to the difappointment
that awaits you in another quarter. It may feem
cruel to reproach bodily infirmities ; yet they de-
ferve remark, as aggravations of guilt, when men
fin in defpight of nature. There is an uncommon
depravity, a ftrange hunger and thirft after corrup-
tion in him who employs the poor precarious rem-
nant of days, multiplied by art, in multiplying of-
fences ; who, diffufing mifchiefs, prolongs his being
to prolong injuries to his country and, within
light of the grave, meditates a dreadful legacy to
G 2 fofterity
124 P R A N C E R I A N A.
pofterity of meanncfs, bafenefs, and perfidy, in his
example and influence.
CHARIDEMUS.
to&&^^
No. 25. Monday, January 23, 1775.
Major Reran mibi nafcitur or do. Vi R c.
ANNVS M I R A B I L 1 S
Moft bumbly infcribedto the Right Hon. JOHN HE LY
HUTCHINSON, and dutifully offered as a Prize-
Compofuion/er bis intended Premium,
SIR,
WHILE ne-w lorn fchcmes the foft'ring hand,
Or Embrio, midwife arts demand ;
While Almas honour you advance,
By verfe, by eloquence and dance,
And form the youthful heel and tongue
To friJk in rigadoon, or fong ;
May I, from boards and pleadings fteal
An hour, (nor hurt the common. weal)
To fing how you adorn the college,
With new purfuits, and ufeful knowledge ?
Each
P R A N C E R I A N A. 125
Each cobler's flail {hall hold your praife,
And ballad-fingers chauntthe lays.
Say does the mufe mifpend her rage,
When fignal adions fill her page ?
To tell then,, gentle maid ! proceed,
How Almas fans are taught to read :
The well-grown matters Graduates fmall
And Dtdymui ! biggeft boy of all.
The Great Man courts, and law books fcorning,
Beftows on them an Attick morning.
Patient attends the horn-book holds ;
And fometimes cheers, and fometimes fcolds ;
Corrects the brogue ; the fnuffle taxes :
The dulleft youth a Tully waxes.
To raife our eloquence ftill more,.
A noble fcheme he has in (tore.
If aught futurity I'm fkill'd in,
A Theatre, (a ftately building!)
Beneath his aufpices fliall rife,
To glad our wond'ring ears and eyes :
Otbellos there and Lean mall rage,
And Hamlets tread the bufldn'd ftage j
Be pretty loft Ophelia there,
The Orphan-Bride and Belvedere.
Alma the magick fcene (hall view,
And iron tears the ftage bedew,
From many a grave profeflbr's cheek,
Deep-furrow'd in the fearch of Greek.
Her
126 P R A N C E R I A N A
Her feven wife men, in gowns of rouge,
A fenate form their head, the Doge .
Her bell for Pierre QaM Alma toll ;
Her ale infufe in Zaras bowl ;
Her porters range, and bid them ftand
Theatrick guards a folemn band !
O ! but I had almoft forgot
Here the Four Kings paid fcot and lot,*
And dwelt old inmates of the place ;
But foon you chas'd the wizard race |
Dread pains and penalties inflifled.
From Fire and Water interdicted j
Nor Tea nor Coffee mall they tafte^
Nor near ihe/ociat Heartb be plac'd.
You, bag and baggage, made them pack ;
Old Wbijt, and Slam that faucy Jack,
Ombre, Quadrille, Pope Joan, Picquet,
And Brag, and Cribbage curfed fet ;
All, all, our worthy chief fent packing,
And, left amufements fhou'd be lacking,
He fet the college yourh to dancing ;
Now retreating, now advancing,
While (harp violins are heard around,
And bagpipes' merry, merry found.
Go on, great Sir ! beneath your eyes
Sublime purfuits and aims mall rife ;
* Alluding to the interdift of cards within the walls of the
Univerfity ; our worthy Provoft having very properly enforced
the ftatute made and provided againft them.
For
P R A N C E R I A N A. 127
For fomerfets be Alma known,
Be vaults and tourbillons her own.
The mafk where belles and courtiers lead,
Where lovers dance in flow'ry mead ;
Where'er the fprightly heart is found,
That flutters at a fiddle's found ;
Wherever dwells the janty fair,
Who capers at a jiggifh air ;
Thy toils fhallfind a deathlefs name,
And Lima's jigs be Hely's fame ;
Reftorer of the art of dancing,
And mighty prototype of prancing.
Illuftrious Sir ! your fchemes purfue,
So great, fo folemn, and fo new.
Heed not the lewd and idle fcoffer,
Who laughs when graveft proje&s offer;.
And juft his filly nofe can pop
Into the ridicule at top,
That rifss light and vain (I wot)
As froth upon a porter- pot ;
But waits notorious ends to know.
That, like the liquor, lie below.
For Slingjby the profefibr's chair,
The fellow's cap and gown prepare ;
And Jet the cynick fool be told,
How kings and heroes danc'd of old ;
Refer him to the claffick tome,
For Salian dance in ancient Rome i
Or
128 P R A N C E R I A N A.
Or on the pyrrbick mew your reading ;
And clear to day-light the proceeding,
By Scaliger, of modern days,
Who fet all Germany a-gaze.
Thus wake the youth of gen'rous foul,
To chalk his pumps, and wield the pole ;
Bid graduate^ pendent by their knees,
From Slack. ropes (hoot into Degrees:
While thy paternal fkill imparts,
To other ftudents other arts ;
While fome it forms (no trivial care)
To ftalk on hands, with legs in air,
To greener palms fhallfome afpire,
And tread, equilibrifts, the wire ;
Or tumblers, round on platters fpin,
Or dart through holes, like Harlequin :
In armour mall Ben Saddi\ prance,
And clam, his fhield in pyrrbick dance ;
To ftand on'o headjS/r Billy $ (trains,
And thence the jumble of his brains ;
With coat of motley on his back,
Shall jlfoftfex ftrut, a Pudding- Jack ; $
But nobleft, who with artful grace,
A table on his nofe can place.
^ Dr. F tb. J Mr. H s.
This gentleman excells in the manufafture of black pud-
dings, as appears from a fpeech of his to the late Provoft.
" My dear Provoft, I vow to the Lord, I was juft falling a
" parcel of black-pudding? with my own tands to fend you ;
when I heard the news of my father's houfe being robbed."
But
P R A N C E R I A N A. 129,
But thee, more ufeful toils await,
O ! may the Parcaj flretch thy date.
Thy labours then, to glad this ifle,
Shall raife a vaft and goodly pile.
The riding-boufe ftiall rear its head,
Soft, foft the borfe dung fliall be fpread.
No more with fquares and circles addle,.
See half the College in the faddle !
The whip, the boot our youth demand,.
DuJ}, not inglorious, ftains the band.
Soon fhall thy Centaurs claim the fight,
And City Lapiths own their might :
The tribes that forge the du&ile brafs,
Or puff to form the molten glafs,
The fadlious clans that (buttles guide,
And butchers fell, in crimfon dy'd.
Lanes, jj earth and water fend in mud,
And ihambles weep thy rage in blood,
The haughty corporations bend,
And golden box for tribute fend.
Thus train thy bands to fighting fields,
And reap the palms thy valour yields.
With conqueft flulh'd, our puiffant head
To new exploits his troops fliall lead ;
To raze th' obfcene and loathly cells,
Where mrinM in darknef; Slander dwells.
|! Among the ancients, the fending of earth and water from
one ttate to another, was a token of iubjeftion. See Thucy-
With.
i 3 o P R A N C E R I A N A.
With mangled reputations fed,
That ferve her for her daily bread.
Through High-ftreet mall he proudly march,
To ftorm her fane at Owens-arch, f
Through Newgate then, tremendous tow'r,
His doughty hoft to Meatb-ftreet pour.
There, there the din, the tumults rife;
In dull th' Hibernian Office lies
The Devils are to atoms batter'd,
Types, papers, poems, prefles fcatter'd.
Their journal loft, no jealous fear
Shall roufe the men that dye An&jhear ;
Their feuds with Blaquiere then mall ceafe,
And folemn Simon rule in peace.
One laft exploit is doom'd by heav'n,
And then thy fword to ruft be giv'n :
Far hence dull plodding troth to beat,
That loads too long Aftrtds feat ;
To bear away the Cianc'llor's mace,
Fix thee triumphant in his place.
Then fliall thy cares, thy toils be crown'd,
And Jo Paans ring around.
f The Freeman's- Journal is publiflied there.
No; 26,
P R A N C E R I A N A. 13*
No. 26. Tuefday, January 24, 1775 J.
Nil oriturum alias y till or turn tale fat entes. HOR
I am the man that did the bottle bring.
And tied the bottle to the bottle firing.
TOM. THUMB..
An ACCOUNT of fome REGULATIONS made In
Trinity-College, Dublin, fince the appointment
of the prefent PROVOST.
TH E people of this kingdom, of almoft
every rank, are interefted in the good or bad
condudt of the head of this univerfity j fome men
may have their motives for applauding, but many
may be ftjmulated by ambition, intereft, eleftion-
eering policy, or prejudice, to mifreprefent and
cenfure his condud ; the publick who have none of
tbofe
J This defence f the written by blmfdf, is placed.
tere merely becaufe it ought to precede the feveral critiques
that were written upon it. It was printed January 6, 1775..
for A. Leathly, bookfeller to the univerfity, but not publifhid.
Two hundred copies, (we have been informed) were depofited;
in the fhop of Mrs. Leathly, to be diftributed^rar//, but on the--
Appearance of No. 27. they, were all recalled.
j 3 2 P R A N C E R I A N A.
tbofe motives, mould form their opinions from facls.
They are here faithfully collected, and from a plain
ftate of them, every reafonable man may judge,
whether this College has, or has not, obtained
any benefits, or received any improvements, ilnce
the appointment of the prefent Provoft.
That composition and elocution were not fuffi-
ciently cultivated among us, has been generally
acknowledged and lamented : the firft objeft of
the Provoft was to encourage an attention to thofe
long negledled fubjefts ; for thispurpofe.
He obtained from the governors of Erafmui
Smith** fchools, to which he is treafurer, a fund of
2Oo/ yearly, to be given in premiums for compo-
fition and elocution, at fuch times, and in fuch
manner and proportion, as the Provoft and fenior
Fellows, mould from time to time appoint.
But as a foundation fhoulci be laid at fchool for
thofe ufeful accomplifhments, he propofed the fol-
lowing advertifement, which was afterwards pub-
iifhed by order of the board :
" Whereas the right honourable and honourable
" the governors of Erafmus Smith's fchools, have
*' been pleafed to grant the fum of 2Oo/ yearly, as a
' fund for premiums for compofitions, in Greek,
" LatiK, and Englijh, and for elocution in Latin
" and Englijb ; to be diilributed by the Provoft
" and
P R A N C E R I A N A. 133
" and fenior fellows of this univerfity in fuch man-
' ner as they from time to time mall think proper :
" The feveral fchool-mafters and tutors, who pre-
" pare young gentlemen for the faid univerfity, are
" defired to take notice. That from the ;th of July
" next, compofitions in Latin and Englijh profe,
" and from the 7th of July 1776, in Latin verfe
*' alfo, will be expefted, from the feveral candi-
" dates for admiffion, at their examinations for
" entrance ; and that during the college courfe,
" judgments will be given, and premiums diftri-
" buted, for compofition in Greek, Latin, and
" Englijh ; the like encouragement will be given to
" elocution in Latin and Euglijh : of which notice
" is given, that there may be fufficient time for
" preparation."
He alfo applied to government to be pleafed to
give directions that letters mould be written to the
feveral fchoolmafterr, appointed by his majefty in
this kingdom, to prepare their fcholars in fuch
a manner as to enable them to become proper can-
didates for tbofe premiums ; this requeft was com-
plied wkh ; as treafurer of Erafmus Smith's fchools,
he has written letters of the like import to the
feveral fchoolmafters upon that foundation ; and,
at his inftance, the fchoolmafter of the fchool in
Kilkenny, now in the patronage of the college,
has been written to from the board, in the fame
manner.
He
134- P & A N C E R I A N A.
He has alfo obtained from the faid governors a Aim
of 25007. towards building a theatre for oar publick
exerciies and exhibitions, and for delivering fuch
competitions of the ftudents as fhall be approved of
by the provoft and fenior fellows, to be built in
fuch part of the faid college as the provoft and
fenior fellows lhall approve of, and as nearly as
may be according to the plan of the Oxford
theatre.
The board has, at his inftance, agreed that fuch
of the batchelors as thought proper mould give in
fpeeches to the fenior lecturer, with or without
names, for the 3oth of January, zgth of May,
^shtfjune, 2jd of Oftober, and 5th of Nevember,
on which days occafional orations are annually
made ; that tbofe fpeeches mail be laid before the
board, that the beft mould be fpoken, and the
author of it receive a premium, (a).
He has directed the oratory profefibr and his
afliftant, the tutors, the morning lefturers, and
the cenior to feleft the beft exercifes given in to
them, and to hand them over to him to fee which
of them deferve to be diftinguiflied in the fame
manner.
A general
(a ) Premiums in this college are given in medals, or in
books, with the college arms, and a certificate of the caufe.
P R A N C E R I A N A. 135
A general fcheme for the encouragement of com-
pofition and elocution, in the feveral claffes, is
now, at his defire, under the confideration of the
board ; and there appears to be a fair profpeft of
extending thofe important attainments more gene-
rally in this univerfity.
Upon his propofal the board refolved, that it
would be highly beneficial to have profeffors of
modern languages, namely Spanifh, French, Ita-
lian and German, eftablifhed in this college ; he
has applied to government to grant a moderate fund
for that purpofe, and has declared his intentions,
if that application fail, to give an annual fum of
two hundred pounds, out of his falary as provoft,
for that ufeful purpofe ; he has alfo propofed,
and the board has agreed, that there mould be a
riding houfe in the college for the ufe of the ftudents
only. The two laft mentioned fchemes will be
a great faving to this country, will be the means
of enabling young gentlemen of fortune to finifh
their education at home, and will fend them abroad
more capable of receiving improvement from
their travels, when they are acquainted with the
languages of the countries which they vifit.
Thefe inftitutions will be attended with this
further advantage : The gentlemen of this univer-
fity, who would accept of private tuitions, though,
federal of them are now men of great learning
nd ability, would by tbofe accomplifhments be
rendered
136 P R A N C E R I A N A.
rendered more ufeful to their pupils ; tbofe attain-
ments may probably be powerful inducements to
the nobility and principal gentry, to commit their
fons to the care of tbofe gentlemen, both at home
and abroad ; and it is well known what beneficial
confequences are frequently derived to the tutors
from fuch connexions.
Nor have the great branches of folid and ufeful
learning been neglefted for the cultivation of lefs
important objects.
There are feveral profeflbrs in the college, of
divinity, mathematicb, natural philofophy, He-
brew, oratory, and common law ; fome of them
founded and endowed by the crown, others endowed
by the governors of Erafmus Smith's fchools j all
filled by men of great knowledge and ability, and
fome of them of as high characters as perhaps
ever filled tbofe chairs in any univerficy ; yet tkofe
profeflbrmips have been all of them lefs ufeful,
and fome of them of little ufe by the non attendance
or the negligent attendance of feveral of the bat-
chelors ; this will be for the future prevented by
a regulation propofed by the provoft, and adopted
by the board, obliging the batchelors to attend
the lectures directed for that profefiion for which
they have declared, and punifhing them for not
attending or for negligence, by private admonifh-
ment for the offence of the firft term, publick ad-
monifliment for the fecond, and removal from the
college for the third :
Their
P R A N C E R I A N A. iyj
Their diligence and good anfwering are to be
encouraged.
Premiums were formerly, and are now, given
to the divinity, and Greek leSurei ; it is deter-
mined, at his defire, to extend them to the He-
brew, hiftorical, oratory, and common law lectures.
For the latter it has been ordered that a good
common law library mould be purchafed, together
with Ionic of the moft neceflary books for a lending
library, and that a convenient room mould be fet
apart for that purpofe j the common law profeflbr
is to lecture twice in the week in each term, is to
examine the gentlemen in the books they read, and
to examine publickly once in the year, and the
board are to give premiums in law books to the two
beft anfwerers.
This lecture which has been hitherto of little, or
no ufe in this univerfity, is now placed upon fuch a
footing, as under the fuperintendency of the pro-
voft, who propofes to aflift in the yearly examinati-
on, and fometimes to prelect and in the hands of the
prefent able profejfor, will make it a very great na-
tional benefit to this kingdom : three months in the
year, at moft, will be fufficient to anfwer the four
terms in England ; the reft of the year may be moft
ufefully employed by the law ftudents in this col-
lege under the law profefibr, and in endeavouring to
improve and diftinguifh themfelves in compofition,
elocution, and hiftory.
It
138 P R A N C E R I A N A.
It is obvious, if this fcheme fucceeds, that it will
be attended with a great faving to this country.
He has alfo propofed, and it has been determin-
ed, that the apparatus for making the experiments
in natural philofophy Hull be enlarged and com-
pleated.
He is ufing his utmoft efforts for making the offi-
ces of divinity lefturer and divinity profeflbr more
ufeful than they have been for many years paft ;
and the beft founded expectations are entertained
that his endeavours in this refpeft will be attended
with the moft uf.ful and important confequences.
The courfe of education for under graduates in
this univerlity, in the general fo juftly approved,
has in the claffical part, been complained of as de-
fecHve in fome particulars j it is now, after great
deliberation, fetiled that fuch alterations and im-
provements mall be made in it as will be highly be-
neficial to the itudents of the four firlt clafles ; this
improvement of the undergraduate courfe, and ob-
liging the batchelors in their refpeftive lines of flu-
dies to attend the profeflbrs of tbofe branches to
which they are to apply, will form as complete a
fyflem of education as any in Europe.
The number of ftudents is now five hundred and
ninety-eight ; the buildings of the college contain
two hundred and twenty-five only j this is a great
caufc
PRANCERIANA.
139
caufe of relaxation of difcipline, as the officers of the
college cannot be refponlible for the conduft of thofe
who live in town; to remedy this inconvenience,
the provoft has propofed and the board has agreed to
the creeling new buildings which will form a fquare,
each fide of which will be about two hundred and
twenty feet in length ; and three Jides of it will be
new ; this ii to be begun immediately.
He has fhut up all accefs dircflly from the town
to the college park, which had become a publick
walk, and frequently foj company of the loweft
and word kind, andiuas made a common paffage ; it is
now referved folely for the ttudsus ; and it has been
refolved at his dcfire, that a field for their exercifes
fliall be provided when it can be done with conve-
nience.
He has alfo declared his intentions of providing
common rooms for the accommodation of the gen-
tlemen of the college ; one for the fellows and gra-
duates, the other for the undergraduates in the man-
ner of Oxford and Cambridge, and as tboj'e rooms
will be fupplied with newfpapers, tea, coffee, &c.
it is hoped // may be the mc^ns, by making the
college more agieeabie to the ftucients, of prevent-
ing them from going ib very frequently into town.
In a great and numerous nniverfity, fituate in a
metropolis, difcipline is a moil important object;
as fuch he has attended to it with the utmoft care
and
HO P R A N C E R I A N A.
and folicitude : a moderate but exaft difcipline is
efiablifhed ; the fta'utable regulation of not going
into the city witnout a written permiflion from the
tutor, is Uriftiy attended to : the number of tardes,
or coming in too !ate for .j^ht roll, reftrained and
determined ; a new provifion has been made as to
night roils, which has already been attended with
the moft falutary r frccls ; rr'fiing a third night-roll
is now made punifhable bv puMick cenfures, and a
fourth, without a t'ufficieiit excule, by removal from
the college ; be has encreafed and fxed tbe number
of cbafeli in a week, and Divine Worfhip was never
known to be better attended in this college ; he has
abolilhed an improper practice that had prevailed of
fome of the ftudents leaving chapel before the com-
munion fervice of a facrament Sunday.
For the purpofe of enforcing difcipline, he has
made the place of fenior dean an aftive and effec-
tive office ; it is now filled by one of the moft ref-
pectable fenior fellows, and the office of junior dean,
by one of the moft refpe&able junior fellows ;
tbofe gentlemen being of diftinguifhed characters as
disciplinarians, were prevailed upon at the earneft
defircof the provoft, to undertake tbofe difficult and
important offices ; fcholars are vifited by tbofe gen-
tlemen in their rooms,, and the tutors alfo are or-
dered to vifit their pupils in their rooms, and at
ftated times at their houfes in town, and no pupil
is to be allowed to continue at any houfe not ap-
proved of by his tutor ; in a word, nothing has
been
P R A N C E R I A N A. i 4l
been omitted that can enforce a mild and regular
difcipline, without rigor or feverity.
All offences have been inveftigated with the
ftrifteft attention, and offenders puniftied, without
exception or diftin&ion, but with all the modera-
tion and lenity that were confiftent with juftice to
the univerlity, and to the publick.
In the quarterly examinations which by the fta-
tutes are to be for eight hours, at leaft two hours
were wafted in calling the rolls, which fometimes
did not leave fufficient time to diftinguifh the diffe-
rent degrees of merit, and particularly of the can-
didates for premiums ; he has ordered that the roll
fhould be called but once, and that on the firft
morning only, and to be finijbed before eight o'clock,
when the examination begins, which leaves the
whole time appointed by the ftatutes for the purpofe
of examining the ftudents.
The favours of the college have been difpofed of
with the moft fcrupulous regard to juftice and good
example ; in the diftribution of natives places and
exhibitions, f a new mode was propofed by the
provoft and agreed to by the board. That every
man's prctenfions mould be determined by confider-
f- The firft are falaries of twenty pounds yearly, to fuch
fcholars of the houfe as are natives of Ireland j and the fecond,
annuities of different values from five pounds to ten pounds
yearly.
i 4 2 P R A N C E R I A N A.
ing, firft, his attendance upon religious duties and
his moral character ; fecondly, his judgments at ex-
aminations ; thirdly, his attendance on lectures and
other duties; fourthly, his marks at fchorlarfhip ,
fifthly, his feniority ; and fixthly, his poverty. In
every divifion the whole academical conduct of every
ftudent was ftriclly reviewed, and every place dif-
pofed of with a religious attention to tbofe different
kinds of merit; which muft be attended with the
bed confequences, as it will make every man, who
feeVs for the favours of the univerfity, attentive to
every ftep of his conduct, which he knows will be
minutely inveftigated and clofely reviewed and
confidered.
He has attended with the utmoft application
and vigilance to every part of his duty, and
to enable the college to accomplish the many
great and extenfive plans which he has propofed for
its improvement and enlargement. He has fet on
foot a fcheme, for a reafonable and moderate en-
creafe of the revenues of the univerfity, which will
be neceflary for attaining tbtfe many great and
ufeful purpofes,
Tbofe are fab. If any thing wrong has been
done, let the fact be ftated ; if any thing neceflary
or proper to be done, has been omitted, let the
omiflion be ftated. The publick may be amufed,
but will not be mifled by electioneering invectives
and fcurrility.
If
P R A N C E R I A N A. 143
If this gentleman has been able to do fo much in
fix months, what may not be expefled in a courfe
of years from his perfeverance ? Thofe perfons are
not friends to their country who endeavour to mif-
lead the publick opinion, to poifon the minds of
the ftudents, and enflame them againfl their gover-
nor, by the moft falfe, wicked and malicious ca-
lumnies. The affiftance of the able, learned and
worthy men, who are at prefent at the board of
fenior fellows, does not diminifti his merit, but their
concurrence is a ftrong proof of the propriety of
thofe meafures, of the redlitude of his conduft, and
of the'integrity of his intentions ; and the moft
perfect concord, and reciprocal efteem have uni-
formly fubfifted between him and thofe gentlemen.
144
P R A N C
I A N A.
No. 27. Wednefday, January 25, 1775
Parturiunt monies nafcetur ridiculmmus. HOR,
TO THE STUDENTS OF THE UNIVERSITY.
HAPPENING a few days fmce to go to the
chambers of a clafs-fellovv, who on account
of his having taken a lead in the late political con-
tefts, has been marked out by the Provoft, and in
confequence been cited more than once before
the board for I know not what offence, my eyes
were attracted by a pamphlet which lay upon the
table, and appeared juft frefli from the prefs. On
the outfide, I perceived in large characters, which
J knew
P R A N C E R I A N A. 145
I knew to be my friend's, thefe words : O that
mine adverfary bad written a book ! And under-
neath, O Fortynatam natam, me Confule, Romam !
I immediately took it up, and found it entitled,
AN ACCOUNT OF SOME REGULATIONS MADE IN
TRINITY COLLEGE, DUBLIN, SINCE THE AP-
POINTMENT OF THE PRESENT PROVOST. Hav-
ing heard a good deal of the prefent College Dif-
putes, though I am not much intereited in them (not
being a fcholar of the houfe), my curiofity was na-
turally excited by the title of this performance, as
well as by the mottoes which my friend had affixed
to it j and I read it through with great avidity. On
the full glance it appeared evidently the production
of our illuftrious Pacha with three Tails the great
MAN-MOUNTAIN himfelf; and on enquiry I found
that feveral copies of this work had been fent to each
of thefe//ows, and to all his friends in and out of the
Univerfity.
If this fingular performance had been publijhed, I
mould have left the examination of it to my coufin.
STULTIFF. x, whofe acute ftriftures have already
fo often entertained the publick. But as it is only
privately difperfed, and may therefore never fall into
my kinfman's hands, I think it my duty to take up
his pen, from the fame laudable motive by which
he appears to be actuated, a defire to refcue the li-
terary character of Ireland from reproach, and to
preferve our mother-tongue unpoluted by the de-
pravations of vulgar, inflated, or ungrammatical
writers.
H That
H 6 P R A N C E R I A N A.
That corruption has pervaded every part of our
conftitution, has been fo long complained of and la-
mented, thac we now acquiefce in the pofition as an
incontrovertible truth, and fubmit to it as to other
irremediable evils.- But our language has hitherto
efcaped its baneful and wide-fpreading influence ;
at leaft its purity has been preferved by the literati
of England and Ireland ; nor has any member of
this univerfity hitherto brought fhame on the foci-
ety and himfelf, by any publick and notorious ina-
bility to deliver his ideas to the world with perfpi-
cuity and precifion. So far, indeed, has our Ian*
guage been from depravation, that during thefe laft
thirty years it has undoubtedly been much improved;
and we have an excellent grammar extant, by
means of which any man (except Humphry Search,
Brutus, or the marble-headed Knight) may, with a
very little application, learn to write at leaft cor-
reftly, if not with elegance. That perfon therefore
is not a friend to his country, who leflens the reputa-
tion of the only feminary of learning in it, and ' poi-
fons the minds of the Students, by exhibiting to them
& bafe model of compofition, by corrupting the
modes of fpeech, and the analogy of language.
Had the Provoft confined our difgrace to this
country, it would have been more tolerable ; but
in order to diffufe it as wide as poffible, he has, we
are told, fent feveral copies of his work to the great
fchools, and the two Univerfities of England, and
one to his Majefty. Noflra per immen/as Hunt prce-
conia
PRANCER1ANA. 14?
conia gentes. Thus it becomes a matter of national
concern ; and it is the intereft of every gownfiran,
left he fhould be involved in the opprobrium which
will certainly fall on our Univerfity, to declare to
the world, that he fees with concern the head of the
only college in this kingdom, exhibit to the pub-
lick a compofition replete with almoft every anomaly
that the Englifh language affords.
With refpecl: to the objects of the prefent Provoft,
the converting the College into a family-borough,
and the eftablifliing of certain new inftitutions
as a lover of independency, and a friend to the
conftitution, I heartily hope he may be defeated in
the former ; as a member of the Univerfity, and a
well-wither to it, I fhall be no lefs pleafed that his
new regulations, if they be well conceived, may be
as happily executed. To oppofe him in the for-
mer, and to fcrutinize the latter, I leave to others.
To review his peiiods, and examine his didlion, is
a tafk fufficiemly burthenfome for a fingle perfon.
But before I proceed to review the language of
this elaborate performance, I cannot forbear to take
notice of the fophiitry of the argument. The elec-
tors of the Univerfity hear that the Provoft has fent
to feveral of the fellows, and folicited their votes
for two perfons whom he fhould name. They are
immediately alarmed ; they meet affociate and
refolve to maintain their independence. The Pro-
voft is enraged ; the moft violent meafures are a-
H 2 dopted;
148 PRANCERIANA.
dopted ; frequent boards are held; feveral fcho-
lars are cited, examined, threatened, cenfured. In
a word, the conteit is carried on (as far as I have
learned) with firmnefs and moderation on one fide,
and much incemperance on the other. Thus ftands
the matter. And now for argument. " An un-
reafonable outcry has been made ; I have been
calumniated ; I am wholly innocent ; for (I know,
gentle reader, you expedl: he mould fay, ' / have
been guilty of no violence, I have not endeavoured to
difiate reprefentatives,---! have not invaded the rights
of the eleftors but you are miftaken ;'). I have
made fuch and fuch regulations with refpedl to the
difcipline of the Univerfity, and they are all excel-
lent." In the name of Smiglecius does he think
us totally devoid of common fenfe ? Whether his
regulations are wife, or not, time only can mew ;
but furely they are nothing to the purpofe : and every
frejhman would tell him that his argument is not ad
idem.
The firft paragraph that attracts our notice, runs
thus;
** Thefe inftitutions will be attended with this
<* further advantage : The gentlemen of this Uni-
** verfity, who would accept of private tuitions,
*' though feveral of them are no<w men of great learn-
*' ing and ability, would by thofe accomplifhments
(i. e. the ejiablijhment of profeflbrs of modern lan-
' guages, and the building of a riding-houfe, for
" thefe
P R A N C E R I A N A. 149
" thefe are mentioned immediately before) be ren-
" dered more ufeful to their pupils." [An acccunf,
By this paragraph are we to underftand, that
thefe gentlemen would accept of tuitions, notwith-
ftanding that they are men of abilities ? Or, that
by thefe, I beg pardon, I mould fay thofe, accom-
plifliments (the profej/brjhips and the riding-boufe)
they would be more ufeful than without them ?
Or, that thofe accomplishments are more uieful than
learning and ability ?
It certainly requires a glofs ; and the learned
writer will do well to add one in the next edition.
But let us haften from thefe petty inaccuracies, to
the moft extraordinary piece of writing that we ever
remember to have met with.
" There are feveral profejfors in the college of dU
" vinity, mathematics, natural philofophy, hebrew,
" oratory, and common law; fome of tizm founded
and endowed by the crown, others endowed by
the governors of Erafmus Smith's fchools ; all filed
by men of great knowledge and ability, and fome
of them of as high characters as, perhaps ever
filled tbofe chairs in any univerfity." \_Ante
Every one has heard of the founding of a fchool,
or college ; 'but the founding of prof effort is quite
new..
i 5 o P R A N C E R I A N A.
new. The prefent fellows of the Univerfity are
men of acknowledged abilities, and, lam fure, are
as loyal as any of his Majefty's fubje&s ; but I much
queftion whether they will allow that any one but
God Almighty has endowed them with thofe facul-
ties which they poflefs : nor, indeed, did I ever
hear before that fuch a power as is here mentioned
refided in the crown. But it feems that not only
his Majefty, but the governors of Erafmus Smith's
fchools, for the time being, are gifted with this ex-
traordinary power. They have acquired it, no
doubt, fince the appointment of the prefent Provoft.
But the matter does not reft here. Thofe profeflbrs
are not only endowed by the crown, but they are
filed by men of great knowledge and ability
That thofe profeflbrs fliould, like the Trojan horfe,
carry men in their bellies, is no doubt, a wonderful
phenomenon; but as we muft take it for granted,
that every part of this performance is ftriftly true,
I cannot help congratulating my brother- ftudents on
the great advantages we are likely to derive from
thefe big-bellied profeflbrs, whofe numbers have, in
fo fhort a time, been doubled, without any expence
to the Univerfity. " AND fome of them of as high
characters, as perhaps, ever filled thofe chairs in any
Univerfity." Juft now they were profeflbrs then
his Majefly endowed them then they were filled
with other proteflbrs and now, at laft, (ftrange
metamorphofis !) they are turned into chairs. I re-
member, in one of the modern pantomimes, fome
grave juftices of the peace are, by the artful
turning
PRANCERIANA. 151
turning of the feats on which they fit, transformed
into old women : But this trick of converting the
profeffors of the Univerfity into chairs, is fo much
grander a piece of legerdemain, that Harlequin m uft
yield the palm to the prefent Provofl.
We next are told, that " premiums were for-
merly, and are now, giving to the divinity and
greek leftures ; it is determined, at his defire,
to extend them to the hebrew, hillorical, oratory,
and common law lettures" [Ante, p. 137.]
The late Dr. Madden deferves to be always held
in remembrance, for his admirable inftitution of
premiums for fuch ftudents, as mould appear
to the feveral examiners the beft fcholars in their
refpedlive clafles. But he little dreamed that fo
great an alteration fhould be made in a few years
after his death ; that the Jiudents mould lofe this
grand incentive to diligence; and that premiums,
inftead of being diftributed among them, as for-
merly, fhould be confined to the leftures tbemfehes.
Perhaps it may be faid,that this is an error of the
prefs, and that we ought in this place to read lec-
turers. but the depriving us of our premiums, and
giving them to our le&urers, would be fuch partiality
and injuftice,that I cannot, for my own part, think
the Provoft has fo extravagant and unjuft a fcheme
in contemplation.
He
152 P R A N C E R 1 A N A.
" He has increafed andfaed the number of cha-
pels IK a lueekT [Same Account ', &c . Page 9.]
The college chapel I have always thought too
fmall, and by no means fufficiently magnificent for
the only univerfity in Ireland. The addition of a
number of chapels to it would certainly render it
more commodious than it is at prefent, and be the
means of accommodating a greater number of per-
fons during the celebration of Divine Service, than
the old building can now contain. But whether
one large edifice would not be more fuperb, is, I
think, worthy of confideration. When I read
this paflage, it immediately ftruck me that thefe
chapels muft be fmall additional buildings, like
thofe which, according to the accounts of travel,
lers, are annexed to Roman Catholick churches,
and dedicated to particular faints; and when I
came to the wordjixed, it naturally brought to my
mind the city of Venice, which, we are told, is
built on a number of 'floating iflands, that have been
fixed and confolidated by art. But that the provoft
fhould have been able to execute fo great a work in
fo fhort a time as a week, aitonifhed me fo much,
that 1 immediately ran down into the court, when,
lo ! the old chapel appeared in its old place, and not
a fingle new building near it. 1 lifted up my
eyes in amazement, and went back to my friend's
chambers, fufpefting that I had made fome miftake:
but I found the paflage juft as it is above quoted,
and
PRANCERIANA.
'53
and muft leave the interpretation of it to fome more
able commentator.
I have now, I fear, tired my reader as well as
myfelf ; yet, I cannot omit the following elegant:
phrafes :
" The fchoolmafter of the fchool in Kilkenny has
" been written to" [P. i 33.] " He has direfted the
" oratory profeffor and his affiftant, the tutors, ihe
" morning leclurers, and the cenfor, to feleft the
" befl exercifes given in to them, and to hand them
" over to him, to fee which of them deferve to be
" diftinguiflied."{_/ > . 134.] " Yet thofe profeflbrfhips
" have been all them lefs ufeful, and fome of them
"of tittle vk? [P. 136.]
So that the degrees of comparifon muft hereafter
be changed in all Englifti grammars, and run thus
lefs little leaft. .
" He has ordered that the rolls mould be called
but once, and that on the firft morning only, and
" to befinijbed before eight o'clock." [P. io.j " He
" has alfo declared his intention of providing com-
" mon rooms for the accommodation of the gentle-
" men of the college ; one for the fellows and gra-
" duates, the other for the under-graduates, in the
" manner of Oxford and Cambridge ; and as thofe
" rooms will be fupplied with newfpapers, tea,
" coffee, &c. it is hoped /'/ may be the means, by
H 5 " making
154 P R A N C E R I A N A.
" making the college more agreeable to the ftu-
" dents, of preventing them from going fo very fre-
" quently into town. [P. 9.] That is, either the
rooms, the papers, the tea, or the coffee ; for, by //,
any of thefe is clearly underftood.
" This (the Law} lefture, which has been hi-
' therto of little or no ufe in this univerfity, is now
' placed upon fuch a footing, as under the fuper-
* intendency of the provolt who propofes to affift in
' the yearly examination, and fometimes to preleft
' and in the hands of the prefent able prof ej/br, f will
' make it a very great national benefit to this king-
< dom,"
The abilities of the prefent law-profeflbr are
univerfally acknowledged but, whether he is able
to fuftain the prefent provcft in bis bands (as Glum-
dalclitcb ufed to exhibit Gulliver) for fo long a time
as muft neceflarily be employed in delivering a pre-
ledion, may admit of fome doubt.
Demofthenes is faid to have tranfcribed the hiftory
of Tbucydides nine times. The learned writer of
this account feems to have been equally diligent in
ftudying and copying the acla diurua of an eminent
modern hiftorian. Dr. Hurd has proved the
marks of imitation to be fo equivocal, that I mail
not
f The provoft feems to have borrowed this idea from an
an ancient Medallion found at Herculaneum, of which we have
given a copy at the head of this number.
P R A N C E R I A N A. 155
not prefume to fpeak decifively on this fubjedl ; but
to me the account appears clearly to be written (to
ufe the language of painting) con amore, and in the
very left manner of a certain well-known and face-
tious Journalift *.
Thefe are fame of the remarkable paj/ages of this
ivork. If any thing has been interpolated, let the in-
terpolation be ftated \ if any thing that ought to have
been mentioned has been emitted, let the cmijfion be
ftated. Students may be arnufed, but, I hope, will not
le mijled by Jucb a model of compojltion as that which
has been now exhibited to them.
STULTIFEX ACADEMICUS.
No. 28. Friday, January 27, 1775.
Exemplar vitiis imitablle. H o R ,
TO THE PRINTER OF THE HIBERNIAN JOURNAL.
SIR,
AS this is the firft time I have addre/Ted you,
though you have written fo many letters to
me, I hope you will afford a place in your paper
to a very few lines on a fubjeft, which at prefent
feems to engage the attention of the publick ; I mean
the
Mr. George Faulkner.
1^6 P R A N C E R I A N A.
the conduft and writings of a certain right honour-
able gem'man ; each of which having been entirely
mifunderitood, I beg leave to fet people right about
them.
It has been very induftrioufly given out that he
folicited and accepted the provoftfhip in order to
ftep from thence to the chancery bench ; but no-
thing, I am confident, was farther from his thoughts.
The truth is, it was merely by way of expe-
riment, and for the encouragement of literature,
that, like my old friend, Berkley, J he thus bung
himfelf up in the eye of the publick. But indeed
the joke has been carried rather too far; and as the
poor gem'man feems to be tired of his elevation,
and to wifh himfelf on the ground again, common
humanity obliges me (though we are not on the
moft friendly terms) to lend him a hand, and to
help to cut him down. This gem'man, every body
knows, was always fond of pretty fpeeches, and
has alfo a knack at compolition. Now he could not
but have obferved, that the university in this king-
dom, though it has fent out fome very learned
men, is very deficient in both thefe particulars, not
having produced more than two or three authors
in an age. By thrujiing himfelf, therefore, into
a ftation, for which the whole tenour of his life and
ftudies had rendered him eminently unqualified, he
knew he mould roufe the indignation of every flu-
dent in the univerfity ; and he had not, I fuppofe,
forgot what fome old poet or other fays facit in-
dignatit.
J. The bifhop of Cloyae.
P R A N C E R I A N A. 157
dlgnatio verfus. It was merely , therefore, to encou-
rage compaction, that he climbed up to his prefent
elevation ; and all his violent proceedings, fince he
was invefted with his prefent office, were clearly
with the fame view and does he not appear as
confummate a politician in this, as in every other
aft of his life ? Did any fcheme ever fucceed bet-
ter ? He has imped the wings of many promifing
young writers, and taught them to foar to heights
that they never would othervvife have afpired to.
Even me, he has made flowery though, to own
the truth, I never was very fond of flowers and
fine fpeeches fo that the railers againft him are
exceedingly miftaken j for while they think they
are degrading him, he is laughing in his fleeve,
and rejoices to find that he has, in a fliort time,
and in his own perfon, giving greater encourage-
ment to competition than all the premiums that ever
were dillributed in the univerfity.
The writings of this gem'man have been as much
mifunderftood as his conduct. One Dr. Ltnvth, I
am told, has written a very clever grammar on a
new plan, illuftrated by examples of what people
ought to avoid. The ingenioufnefs of the idea
ftruck the provoft ; and he thought he could not by
any method promote his favourite fcheme fo well,
as by exhibiting in one view to the young gem'men
under his care Jtriking examples of every illegitimate
mode of expreffion that the Englifh language af-
iords. This is the true origin of his Account of the
regulations
i S 8 P R A N C E R I A N A.
regulations made in Trinity College fince his appoint'
ment to the office of provoft* Inftead, therefore, of
lefTening his reputation, by enumerating the mif-
takes and inaccuracies of that admirable work, Stul-
tifex Academicus, and the other gibers, who have
criticifed that performance, have in faft ere&ed one
more trophy to his fame.
Tho' I have not I muft own, any great affedtion for
him, yet at the fame time I am fo defirous that the
true charatter and dejtgns of this gem'man mould be
known and underftood, that I mall add a few more
inllances of premeditated inaccuracy to thofe which
have already been laid before the publick.
' This will for the future be prevented by a re-
*' gulation propofed by the provoft, and adopted
** by the board, obliging the batchelors to attend
" the leclures directed for that profeffion for which
" they have declared, and punilhing them for not
*' attending, or for negligence, by private admo-
" nifliment for the offence of the firft term, public
" admonilhment for the fecond, and removal from
" the college for the third" [Some Account, ffc.
page 6.]
That is, for the fecond offence of the firft time,
and for the third offence of the fame term alas !
poor Hillary ! What unpardonable offence haft thou
committed ? However, this extraordinary feverity
is compenfated by a fuitable relaxation afterwards
for
P R A N C E R I A N A. 159
for from this paragraph we may fairly conclude,
that during the other three terms a continued jubilee
is to be kept.
" The improvement of the undergraduate courfe,
and obliging the batchelors in their refpedtive lines
cfftudies to attend the profeflbrs of thofe branches
to which they are to apply, will form as complete a
fyjiem of education as any in Europe." [Some Ac-
count, &c. p. 8.]
This paffage is fufficiently illuftrated by Italicks.
" He has fliut up all accefs diredly from the
" town to the college park, which had become a
" common walk, and frequently for company of
" the loweft and worft kind, and nvas made a cem-
" mon pa/fage." [Some Account, &c. p. 8.J
There is no one, I believe, who would not have
been ftruck by the extraordinary manner in which
the latter words printed in Italicks, are connected
with the foregoing, if a fimilar arrangement had
not occurred in the preceding paragraph " The
'* provoft has propofed and the board has agreed to
" the creeling new buildings, which will form a
" fquare, each fide of which will be about two
" hundred and twenty feet in length ; and three
"Jtdes of it will be new j this is to be begun imme-
" diately." Ibid.
Indeed
160 PRANCERIANA.
Indeed the provoft cannot claim any original me-
rit in thus tacking an appendix to a paragraph after
it has been fairly clofed ; his facetious prototype
having been long admired for a fimilar arrangment.
" He has ordered that the roll fhould be called
" but once, and that on the firft morning only, and
" to be finifhed before eight o'clock." [Some Ac-
count, &c. p. 10.]
So that on tbefecond morning the roll may with
great propriety be called twice ; whereby lefs time
will be confumed by this idle ceremony than for-
merly.
If the feveral paflages that I have now cited were
not written with the beft intention and for the pur-
poie of warning the young gem'man of the univer-
fity againft writing inaccurate or inelegant Englifh,
I mould be extremely glad to be informed for what
purpofe they were intended.
OLD SLY-BOOTS.
No. 29,
P R A N C E R I A N A. 161
No. 29, Monday, January 30, 1775.
Numquid nos agimus caufas ? civilia jura,
Novimut ? aut ullo ftrepitu fora vsjira motemm f
Juv,
MEMOIRS OF THE LIFE AND SURPRISING AD-
VENTURES OF MRS. COLLEGE.
MRS. COLLEGE was a comely lady, of a
refpeclable family, good reputation, and
opulent cifcumftances. She had confiderableeitatesj
but the moil valuable and dignified of her pofleffions
was an endowed free-fchool, which me managed by
affiftant-mafters and ufhers, under the infpeclion of
a principal appointed by the king, and held on con-
dition of marrying the principal for the time being.
This lady's firft hufband was Frank Bluf, f a fwag-
gering, tearing, curfing, fwearing, merry, witty,
racketting, rakehelly, eating, drinking, laughing,
fhrewd, fenfible, cunning fellow, who loved his
friend, his bottle and his miftrefs j yet always had
f The late doftorF-
i6z P R A N C E R I A N A.
an eye to bufinefs, and mixed a proper portion of
utile with his duke : With all his faults, Frank
was good-natured and good-humoured except
when he was contradicted ; then, to be fure, he,
would throw the tables and forms about the fchool
room, and rap out an oath or two ; but fuch was
the livelinefs of his wit, the open cordiality and
endearing, communicative jollity of his manner,
that every body liked him ; and his comrades
would often fay, that " Frank Bluff was a comical
dog a damned honeft fellow."
When Mr. Bluff died, there were many candi-
dates for the fchool, and (of courfe) fuitors to the
widow. The good lady was not much affli&ed at
her lofs, as Frank had been too much a man of
pleafure to make a tender hufband ; me exprefled,
however, a decent forrow j her weeds were becom-
ing, and her behaviour exemplary, as the handfome
and unexpected jointure which he left her demand-
ed. The widow had no objection to a fecond
match ; but the additional tenure by which me was
to keep the fchool, as-it precluded choice, diftreffed
her : me feared his majefty and me might differ in
their notions of a proper principal for the fchool,
and fometimes refolved to give up all pretences to
it, and retire, with the man of her choice, to con-
tent and a cottage ; but her friends over- ruled fuch
idle, romantick notions, and obliged her to accept
the hand of Mr. Jack Prance, attorney, who was no-
minated principal of the fchool on account of his
fcilijj
P R A N C E R I A N A. 163
fkill in fencing and korfemanjbip, which recommend-
ed him to the notice of a minijlerial foldier \ efpeci-
ally as Mr. Prance promifed to be as great a difcipli-
narian in the capacity of a fchoolmafter, as his mili-
tary patron, ihsfecrefary, was in that of an officer.
The nuptials were folemnized in due form. Prance
made an affedling fpeech on the occafion, in which
he lamented his poor abilities, implored the advice
of the afliftant mailers, and engaged to take care of
the health and morals of the children, and gave a
holiday to the boys, and a treat to the mailers and
ufhers at the gridiron and three pigeons. Prance,
who, as well as his predeceflbr, had a voice at the
parijh veftry, and was (like him) on the commijjion of
the peace was as afliduous in doing certain jobs at
the veftry or feffions-houfe for Sir Simon Stiffrump
the prefident, as that gentleman had been in per-
forming fuch fervices for Sir Brandy Bumper, the
late lord of the manor. The mafters, ufliers, and
head boys of this fchool had a right to eledl two
monitors, who were entitled, for a certain term of
years, to vote at the parifh veftry. Now, in order
to facilitate the aforefaid jobs, thefe gentlemen
wimed to fccure the concurrence of the monitors ;
and this they propofed to effeft by influencing the
electors, and perfuading (or compelling) them to
choofe perfons recommended by their principal :
their intrigues with the mafters and fcholars, to
obtain this favourite aim, were a fource of endlefs
complaints, bickerings, heart-burnings, and difcon-
tents ; and fome ads of injuftice, infolence, and
cruelty,
164 P R A N C E R I A N A.
cruelty, to refraftory individuals, (even in Bluff's
time) almoft drove the boys to a barring-out j and
it required all his acutenefs and good fenfe to wea-
ther the ftorm.
The eleftion of new monitors approached.
Prance attached himfelf to dodtor Dilemma, a man
of fome learning and abilities of much vanity and
prefurnption of inordinate ambition and indecent
refentment. This gentleman, by new arguments of
his own, endeavoured to lead boys to a right fenfe
of implicit obedience, and extort a promife of vot-
ing, hap hazard, for whatever candidates their prin-
cipal mould offer to their acceptance : but the un-
lucky rogues laughed at the poor gentleman, and
faid, " they had no notion of buying a pig in a poke,
or making their eledlion a game at blindmarfs buff"
Our little pedagogue was exceedingly mortified at
this infolent difobedience, (as he called it.) Some
violent, fome wicked, and very many foolifh and
laughable meafures were purfued. The boys were
enraged the matters and ufhsrs murmured the
good were afflicted, and the mifchievous diverted.
Lampoons and pafquinades were ftuck up on the
walls of the fchool-room, and the prefs teemed with
ballads ; fome of the boys were whipt for finging
them, but to no purpofe ; a new ballad was made
on that, and the boys roared it louder than any of
the old ones.
Jack, confcious of his abilities, convened the
matters and fcholars, in hopes of fetting all to rights
by
I
P R A N C E R I A N A. 165
by an oration j and accordingly prepared to mount
a table for that purpofe, when dodtor Pompofo ex-
claimed, ' In the name of God, Mr. Principal,
* what are you about ? It might well be deemed
' virulent in me to fuffer you to expofe your feet, fo
* lately reclaimed from the dominion of the gout,
' to a conflict with the hard table ; let me ferve you
' for a fuggeftum my fhoulders will be foft and
* warm to them and, I vow to the Lord ! there
' will not be the fmalleft danger of my fuccumbing
* under your aufpicious weight.' Doftor Pompofo
having a tolerable broad back, {looped, and Hap-
pening his hands with his own volumes ofthebiftory
*f Quagmire, and life of Philip Filch, formed a
commodious fuggejtum j on which Jack Prance
mounted, and delivered,
The ORATION of JACK. PRANCE, as it was pro-
nounced from the back of DOCTOR POMPOSO.
" I am happy to addrefs myfelf on a queftion as
1 important as any that was ever agitated in this, or
' any aflembly, to/uferior men, gentlemen of your
' diftinguiihed candour, exalted abilities, profound
" learning, attention to the duties of your ftation,
" integrity, and morals Men who unite the virtues
" of the cloyfter and court accurate difciplinari-
*' ans accomplifhed courtiers. I am the creature
" of your wifdoms. I fpeak not to give, but to
" elicit information ; and I hope (without vanity I
" fay it) to convince you [all, as dear as the fun at
** noon-day^ that, like a parcel of droning, lazy,
" weak.
i66 PRANCERIANA.
" weak, ftupid, fottifli, knavifh dotards, you fcan-
" daloufly, malicioufly, falfely, and treacheroufly
" deferted, flighted, and betrayed the intereftsofthe
" fchool. I have the higheft deference to your opi-
" nion, and the greateft efteem for you, gentlemen ;
" and affure you, with the moft unfeigned refpcft,
" that you are a fet of good-for-nothing blockheads*
" Your Park, gentlemen ! every tree, every blade
" of grafs in it cries fhame ! Though no lapfe ef-
" capes reprehenfion, or eludes notice, you fuffered,
" it to be crowded every Sunday with a refort of
" diforderly company farters' boys, pick-pockets,
" women of the town, maatua-makers, milliners,
" fempftrefles, and chamber-maids to the ruin of
" the health and morals of young minds, open to
" every impreffion, yielding to every infufion.
" This evil, this fatal canker, was left for me to
" remedy, and I have remedied it.
" Though you are a fet of people (I aflcrt it
" confidentially) as refpeftable, all and every of you,
" as any in Europe ; yet there are fome of you
" vagabonds, unfit to difcharge the duties and fill
" the employment of dean. I have looked out the
" honefteft man, and beft difciplinarian, among you,
" to be junior dean, and have already reaped many
" advantages from his advice and affiftance, and
'* hope for more. The natives were formerly very
" abfurdly and idly difpofed, according to feniority ;
" they are now to be given on a new plan, propof-
" ed by the dean t approved by me. ift, accord-
" ing
P R A N C E R I A N A. 167
" ing to their voting properly zdly, according to
" my hopes of their voting properly 3dly, accord-
" ing to the recommendations of my friend, do&or
" Dilemma 4thly, according to the connexion be-
" tvveen their parents and me and thly, (and
" lajily) according to the merits, political and con-
" vivial of their refpedlive matters. I am not a&u-
" ated in what I fay by ambition or intereftby
" little fchemes of electioneering policy.
" To convince you of my care of the public
f< welfare, and the purity of my intentions, you
" need not be told, that I intend to build a new
" fquare, (to be called Harcourt Square) 700 feet in
" length, and 400 in breadth, (as foon as we can
" perfuade parliament to give us money for that
" purpofe) with an equeftrian ilatue of our glorious
" foundrefs in the middle, which will be a great
" ornament to this learned feminary. Three dol-
" phins of lead mall fpout up water, which ihall
<c fall again into an oclagonal fquare bafon of white
" marble. The boys in the fchool are 555 ; thofe
" that refide are 255 ; the remaining 300 lived in
" beer-cellars, tap-rooms, b y-houfes, taverns,
" cofFee-houfes, billiard-tables, tennis-courts, and
" other highly improper places : I took them all
" away from thence, in fpite of the authority of
" their fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts, and guar-
" dians, as my friend, Mendax, here under my
" feet, can teftify ; and for their reception, until
* the eredtion of the court aforefaid, I have pro-
'* vided
168 P R A N C E R I A N A.
" vided caftles in the air ; the reft, who think
' that too cold a lodging, I (hall take the liberty of
billetting, four on a mafter, two on an ufher.
' The calling the roll but once during every exa-
* mination, is a moft ufeful regulation, on which I
1 value myfelf extremely, as it gives an indulgent
' tutor an opportunity of obliging his own pupils
* in his divifion, by allowing them to abfent them-
" felves after the nrft morning, and giving them
" credit, and handing over their judgments to the
" fenior lefturer, as anfwerers of a whole examina-
" tion.
" All your le&ures have been of very little ufe,
" moft of them are of none, particularly divinity
" and mathematics, (which I propofe to fuperintend
" myfelf) though it is well known they arc filled
" with gentlemen as able as any in this or any uni-
" verfity ; men of brilliancy of genius, equal to
" their depth of learning, ever attentive to the du-
" ties of their ftation, clear to elucidate, patient to
** inftruft ; yet tbofe (hairs have been noted all over
" Europe for their fhameful inattention to their of-
fice, for the little benefit derived from them to
thofe -who do not attend them ; this will appear as
clear as the midnight fun, when I inform you
that there are two clafles of attendants on lec-
tures ; carelefs attendants and non- attendants.
The abilities of doftor Pompofo, under my feet
here, are known, confeffed. He is a fuperior
man, his example, his learning, his eloquence
" (for
P R A N C E R I A N A. 169
' (for he is a very eloquent man) his plea/ing man-
ff tiers, his affiduity, and attention, render this chair
" the molt refpeftable perhaps in the known world,
" nay in Europe. But the dodlor is very ill qualified
" for the duties of his employment, and his affiftant
" flill worfe, which I propofe to remedy by teach-
*' ing them both to read myfelf, and attending as
" their affeflbr ; oratory lefture has been very much
*' neglefted, owing to the non-attendance or care-
" lefs attendance of gentlemen to which, as well as
" that of other leftures, I offer thi.s remedy : to
" negleft of the firft term, we will give a caution ;
*' on that of the fecond we will beftow an admonifh-
" ment ; and the confequence of the third negletSt
" fhall be removing from the fchool ; and this may
" conduce mightily to the peace and good order of
" the fchool, by giving me an opportunity of re-
" moving refraftory fpirits who let and hinder the
" principal in his fchemes ; clap drags on the
" wheels of government, and fpill the oil intended
" to greafe the wheels and fpririgs of that vaft and
" complicated machine. For lectures mail be mul-
" tiplied, that it will be morally impoffible ta at-
*' tend all, and we will eafily remove the factious
" and feditious for non-attendance. I intend to
" give premiums to all forts of kttures - t they are a
" deferring fet of people and Ihould be encouraged ;
" befides, I can by this means multiply the incen-
" tives to pliability^ and convey little douceurs to
" gentlemen that cultivate me properly ; under the
" name of Hebrew, Greek, Divinity, Hiftory, Ora-
I *' tory
170 PRANCERIANA,
** tory Premiums. I am not a little proud of this
'* hit : the attendants on fome of thefe le&ure
" have long been encouraged by premiums ; I was
' the firft who invented giving them to leSures
tf tbemfelves. Difcipline is the nerve and finew of
" government ; to promote it, I propofe (with your
" approbation) to ereft a ducking chair, and dig a
deep bafon of water for that machine to play in.
* This will alfo conduce to the health of the boys,
"by giving them an opportunity of bathing,
*' fwimming, and amufing themfelves with dog and
duck, and fuch literary and elegant recreations.
" I propofe to build a fencing Ichool, fifty foot by
" thirty in the clear j and in a field contiguous,
" bats feall be creeled to fire pillols at. Thispro-
w fefforfhip (though I am confcious of my own ina-
" bility) I will, with your permiffion, take on my-
" felf, happy if my poor endeavours mall prove fer-
" viceable to the place of my early education. I
" mean to give a leclure every day ; every gentle-
" man will be obliged to attend, as I have felt the
" neceffity to every one of a knowledge of the wea-
" pom. Premiums of filver-hiltedywcra'/ will be
** given to this lefture. Law lefture, now worth-
*' lefs and contemptible, I propofe in a (hort time
'" to make exceeding good, by giving the profeffor
" advice, afliftance, and inftrudtions ; every boy in
** the fchool fhall attend, as a knowledge of the law
w of the land is neceflary to every one. Twice a
" week he (hall lefture them in thofe books which
*' they do, and once a year examine in thofe which
" they
P R A N C E R I A N A. i 7I
" they do not read ; premiums fhall be given to
"their anfwering out of both. I myfelf will at-
" tend, infpeft, and preleft occafionally. This
" will be a vaft faving of money to the kingdom ;
" templars need only be three months in the year in
" England to fave the terms ; the conftant failing
" to and fro will be excellent for their health, and
" take up time which elfe might be wafted in de-
u bauchery ; and I pledge myfelf, by my connec-
" dons at the other fide the water, and my intereft
" with the admiralty office, to enfure a fair wind
from Parkgate to Dublin, or from Dublin to
Parkgate, on producing a certificate from law
lecture,
" For thofe that are apt to be fea-fick, or wifil
a (horter paflage, I have prevailed with an in-
genious artift, to run a flying machine, drawn
by dragons from Dublin to Pargate in half an hour,
and propofe to reftgn 2OO/. per annum out of my
ownfalary, for maintaining him and his dragons
* and repairing his chariot Of my intended
riding-houfe J have fpoke fo often, and fo fully,
I have nothing to add, but that I am pleafed
with this opportunity of providing for an inge-
nious friend, whom I value for his w/V, liberal
fentimentf, and ehignement from vulgar prejudices.
Galen, Paracelfus, Diodorus, Siculus, Varro,
Pliny and all the other medical writers are loud
in praife of ligneous equitation ; now I intend to
prefent each of you, gentlemen, with an eafy
I z /te-
i 7 2 P R A N C E R I A N A.
" fee-fa<w-pad ; an ufeful amufement for a fedentary
" man, both for pleafure and health, would be
" a ride on one of thefe, of a rainy day : befides
" a happy union of the Roman lyrick's utile and
" dulce*, by prefenting health and inftilling the
11 rudiments of the manege ; and I will attend
" and give my beft inftrudtions with an eye to
" mounting the horfe with grace and agility, and
* l fitting him with eafe and firmnefs. I intend
" to provide a large field for athletick exercifes,
" foot-ball, goff, cricket, and hurling ; (which my
"fan tells me are praftifed at Eton.) I propofe to
" ereft a tennis-court, a ball-yard and a {kittle
" ground, which I hope will endear me to the
" younger members. I propofe to have a profeflbr
" of dancing ; (Mr. Michel that teaches my Chil-
" dren ; a man of fignal abilities) to give dan-
" cing premiums and oblige all the boys to at-
" tend dancing leftures. I will build an unifer-
*' fity ball-room for balls once a week, under my
" own infpeftion, and that of the two deans.
*' Of my profeflbrs of modern tongues, French,
" Italian, Dutch, German, Solecifmic and Otaheite,
" you have been often told. All thefe amufements
41 will endear the fchool to the boys, and prevent
*' their mitchinj; in queft of amufement, efpecially
* when ray theatre is built, and we aft publick-
" private plays. I imagine there then will be no
4i defire to ilrole into town to the play houfes. I
"alfo mean to f^t up a common room, with tea,
coffee, pipes and news papers ; and wiih a view
" to
PRANCERIANA. 173
" to make this entertainment elegant and inftruc-
" tive, I wrote my Moderators to raife the ftyle
" of news-paper effays. As many of our ftudents
" may be called hereafter to feats in the higher or
" lower houfe of parliament, this will be a moft
" important inititution ; they will go from us,
" not unacquainted with the interefls, not carelefs
" of the conftitution of their country, by imbibing
" political rudiments with their coffee, and dc-
" bating queftions of national import at their
" meetings ; and for the furthering thofe purpofes,
*' I pledge myfelf to write once a week in fome of
" the publick papers, and that I may promote fo
" great a national benefit, I will attend myfelf,
" and preleft in politicks. 1 intend to give compo-
" fition-premiums ; I am fure you will allow my
" plan for that purpofe as ingenious, as it is novel.
" On the Irifh rebellion, Gunpowder plot, King
" Charle's rcftoration, the King's birth day, de-
" clamations have been patched up, or copied
" traditionally from archetypal compilations.
" I intend to give premiums, firft, to all the
" ancient hereditary fpeeches j and when they
" are provided for, all the graduates that pleafe
" may fend in fpeeches ; the beft to be felefted,
" fpoken and get premiums. This, I prefume,
" will be an encouragement to compofition, as
' great as ever was attempted in any univerfity
" in any kingdom. Firft the novelty of the fub-
" jeft will call forth abilities, and give an eclat
" and luftre to the compofuion. Secondly, the
" fubjefts
174 P R A N C E R I A N A.
" fubje&s arc the finefl that ever agitated on
oratory genius, in this or any kingdom. Thefe
" different fubjecls will call forth the different ftyles
" and colours of eloquence. The rebellion and
" the plot will exercife the inveaive and the pathe-
" tic ; the reftoration and the birth-day, the
" diffufive, the magnificent and the panegyrical i
" Ib here we (hall have all the provinces of the
" compleat orator ; as enumerated by Tully in
*' his traft de oratore, which I intend to make all
" our young gentlemen read, efpecially panegyrick,
11 the moft ufeful to the orator and indeed to every
" body, as my Lord Chefterfield, in his invalua-
" ble, and never enough to be ftudied letters tells
" us. I propofe, to give young gentlemen a proper
" notion of the graces, to introduce Lord Cheiter-
" field into our courfe ; he may be read together
" with Xenophon's oeconomics, and will make
" a fine fyftem of domeftick management. Xeno-
" phon's oeconomics is my favourite volume ; my
" houftiold is regulated by his plan.
" Lord Chefterfield, in his letters, an inefti-
" mable volume that deferves to be wrote in
" letters of gold, has fhevvn the importance of
*' the graces : thofe attainments are indeed im-
" portant ; they are confequential, they are all
* in all; To the graces I muft attribute my rife
" in the world ; do but mind my graceful parade
" when I come into a public place, and you will
" own this. They will now be within our pale ;
" every
PRANCE RIANA. 175
" every ftudent may reach them. Formerly (and
" I beheld it with regret) our youth were compel-
" led to range through Europe, to gather thofc
" polite endowments, which (if I may ufe the
" fimilitude) like a nofegay in the brealt of a beauty,
" adorn and finifh the man of fenfe. Now they
" bloom like domeftick rofes in our own garden,
" every youth that pleafes may pluck them.
" My fchemes extend ftill further : the profef-
" for of mufick has been hitherto a mere finecure.
" I propofe, with your affiflance, to make it aa
" adlive, an ufeful office, by appointing an able
" afliftant with a competent felary. Leclures
" fhall be read twice, Solos performed once a week,.
" with a mufick prele&ion and grand concert once
" a month. Thus the tafle for Italian Mufick, for.
" which gentlemen were obliged to travel,, may
'< be had for a finall expence of time and money
at home. Thefe attainments may be a means
" of bringing into the world gentlemen of deep
* learning but mallow finances, who chocfe ta
" embark as private tutors ; by enabling them to
" aft as matters of languages, to teach the young
*' gentlemen the Manege, and fkill in their weapons ;
" the young ladies of the family to dance and play
" the Guitar and Harpfichord. This, gentlemen,
" is a great, it is a national advantage ; it will,
" if I may ufe the metaphor, lay the axe to the
" root of the expenfive folly of vifuing foreign
" countries. The conference will be, the future
"and*
176 P R A N C E R I A N A.
" and fuperior accompliihinents of the next ge-
" neration ; the prefent faving of money to the
" kingdom, and the merit of this I muft (it is
" a virtuous vanity) take to myfelf. Yes, I own
" I look forward with tranfport to the completion
" of my fchemes, and confider myfelf as a na-
" tional benefactor. To complete all thefe my
" fchemes, I propofe to encreafe the College reve-
** nue, by refufing fines, letting the leafes run
" out, and fetting the lands to the younger
" bradches of my family. The father of many
" children is a benefaftor to the publick ; I look
" with pleafure on my numerous progeny, as
" it gives a hope of fupplying you out of my
" own family with fellows, who will read 'Thu-
" eydides and be fine difciplinarians ; and with
' pundlual tenants. This want of the ufual fine*
" may be a prefent diftrefs, but no gentleman will
" yield to, or be influenced by fuch reflections,
*' when your prefent diftrefs and diminution of
" income leads to the future opulence of your
*' fucceflbrs, and a comfortable provifion for my
" younger children. I afl'ure you, little Abraham,
" my fon, con/trues Demofthenes and Arirtotle's
" poeticks at fight already ; I hope and'trult he
" will one day be your tenant. The policy that
" bounds all in the narrow centre of felf, is bafe,
** is low ; you to ufe Mr. Pipe's fublime attufwn,
tf will expand it till it embraces all human kind.
" I have wrote down thefe things in a fmall trafl
*' which the junior boys (hall read with their logick,
"and
P R A N C E R I A N A. 177
' and my learned and elegant friend's do&rine of
" dilemmas. I have fent it to Oxford and Cam-
" bridge, that thofe learned feminaries may fee a
' younger lifter fecting them an example of new arts
" and attainments, dignified as they are important,
" All my cares, my labours, facrificing my reputa-
" tion, my health, my time and eafe, calling boards
" and making fpeeches, writing in newfpapers and
" enditing pamphlet*, have been for the publick
" good ; let public juftice be their reward." Here
Jack defcended from the roftrum, and was called on
an important occalion ; what that was will appear
in the next chapter.
No. 30. Wednefday, February i, 1775.
Dat went am c orvis ; <vexat cenfura c dumb as. Juv.
TO THE PRINTER OF THE HIBERNIAN JOURNAL.
SIR,
I Appeal to your candour and that of the publick,
in defence of our injured and calumniated Pro-
voil. His own pen (I am confcious) is amply fuffi-
cient for the taflcj yet, if my toils can fave to the
publick even a few of the valuable moments, which
mould all be facred to the accompli fli men t of the
I 5 many
178 P R A N C E R I A N A.
many great and extenfive plans which our learned
head has projected for the improvement of the col-
lege, I fhall not have laboured in vain ; be that as
it may, this weak difplay of good-will muft be fer-
viceable to me, as it will be not unplealing to the
provoft ; forfan ff beec olimmeminiffejuvabit. His gra-
titude to real friends has been fhewn in obtaining a
fnug benefice for Doctor Dilemma, whofe politenefs
and politics will one day obtain and adorn a mitre.
Your facetious correfpondent, Stultifex, has called
our provoft whofe abilities, it muft be owned, are of
the very firft magnitude) a man-mountain; if he is a
man-mountain, there are not wanting virulent pig-
mies, malignant little medlers, who divert them-
felves and the publick by running their tiny lances
up his noftrils. Dear fir, confider the confequences
of fuch envenomed publications. With the atten-
tion to fame, and nice fenfibility infeparable from
refined fpirits, the Provoft perufes tlje public papers,
and agonizes when they contain invective. I can
afiure you (from the beft authority) that wicked
Stultifex coft the poor gentleman a fit of the gout,
confined him to his bed, and robbed the college of
the advantages which it would have derived from a
conference on oratory and compofition, which was
appointed tor kit Wednefday, but unhappily pro-
rogued by Stultifex. The chain of reaionings in
his laborious and eloquent little pamphlet, has been
mifreprefented and called an argument non ad idem.
What Itrange confufion of ideas? or, rather, what
affefted dulnefs could inifapprehend the drift of that
performance?
P R A N C E R I A N A. 179
performance ? Fa&s, that is, promijes were col-
le&ed (but his promifes are fafts) and from a ftate
of them every reafon able man might fee, whether
the college had or had not received any benefit or
improvement lince the appointment of the prefent
provoft. Men might fee what had been done (that
is, premifed) in fix months, and judge what might
be performed in years to come ; and furely every
grateful, every wife man would readily draw the
conclufion , if this man has laboured fo abund-
antly (in idea] for the good of the college, and
promifes to labour yet more ; indulge him (in gra-
titude for the paft, in hope of the future) indulge
him in returuing the men of his choice, ' This,
' gentlemen (he would fay) the firft requeft I ever
'made you, is a mere trifle; what is it. to you,.
* Doftor, or you, or you who fits in the fenate
' houfe ? Studious men mould not leave their books
' to meddle with politicks; and therefore govern--
' ment wifely fets political men over them, who will
* think for them all, and furnifh them with political
'opinions ready made to their hands.'Siuttifex
has enlarged on inaccuracies of flyle (as he is pleafed
to think them) with malicious triumph;, but I
would afk him, whence are the rules of the epopee-
derived, but from the poems of Homer ? Rules
aie ever collected from the practice ef the fuccefs-
ful ; and exalted fpirits are born to create rules,
not to obey them. Confider what reputation for
eloquence our provoft has acquired, and what wealth
he has araaffed by his pleadings ; and deny if you
dare, .
i8o P R A N C E R I A N A.
dare, his being entitled to new-model our language,
and eitablifh a dialect of bis own, by introducing
Prancerifms, and coining new modes of diclion, or
even degrees of comparijon. There is one grofs mif-
take, which mews the ignorance and dulnefs of this
would-be critic ; I mean his reprefenting the pro-
voft, as creeling a weekly number of chapels.
What head but his own would have conceived the
poflibility of fuch a thing ? Were fach a number
of chapels to be weekly raifed, where would the
provoft find room for the pious labours of his hands ?
Firft, they would block up our courts, then over-
fpread the park, and at laft fill up the ftreets and
lanes of the city, and leave no room for other ne-
ceffary buildings ; fo that perhaps we mould fee
the college chapels prefented as a nuifance by the
Dublin Grand Jury, or an ac~l of parliament paffed
to prevent the unlawful encreafe of chapels. He
muil be a devil of a. provoft indeed, who raifes cha-
pels Pandaemonium-like with the fwiftnefs of an
exhalation. The appearance of our chapel lighted
up for evening fervice in 'winter, ever recalled to
my mind the lines of Milton :
From the arched roof
Pendent, by iubtle magic, many a row
Of ftarry lamps, with blazing creflets fed
Of Naptha and Afphalt us , yielded light
As from a &.y.-
Perhap?
P R A N C E R I A N A; 181
Perhaps the fmart obferver took his hint from
thence, and meant to infinuate a limilitude be-
tween our governor and the diabolical builder of
Pandaemonium. Stultifix (who ought ra'ther to be
called Stuhus] fays he is a ftudent of our college :
Now, gentlemen, if I can convift him of falfe-
hood in this aflertion, the publick will know in
what degree of credit to hold his teftimony
What ! a ftudent of our college, and not know the
meaning of terms with which every Irifhman is ac-
quainted; chapels and tardies are terms, which
(though barbarous and inlignificant to Grangers)
ferve college people well enough for communica-
tion, which (as Mr. Locke obferves) is the great
end of language ; they are among the terms of
art, of which every trade or myftery hath a fet pe~
culiar to itfelf. The provoil's ufe of them, far from
being a reproach to him, I think reflects the higheft
honour on him, as it fhews fuch an attention to the
duties of his ftation, that he has made himfelf maf-
ter of all the cant words that are current in the col-
lege, and ufes them as pertinently as if he had been
provoft from his cradle ; and I allure you, gentle-
men, the acquifition of this knowledge has coll him
many a weary hour, and encroached many a time on
the bufinefs of the Four-courts. It is hardly credible
with what indefatigable affiduity this injured gen-
tleman has laboured to qualify himfelf for his pre-
fent employment ; he has toiled like a horfe, with
the affiftance of Dr. Porfayeth, (who has a diftin-
guifhed character as a difciplinariari) to define the
magnitude
182 PRANCERIANA
magnitude and afcertain the number of chapels, to
fearch into the caufes and remedies of tardies, and
explore the fundamental principles and practice of
night rolls. Permit me now, gentlemen, no lay
before you a few of the principal regulations for
which the college is indebted to the prefent provoft
for this purpo.e.
I fliall obferve firft, how all offences have been
inveftigated with the ftri&eft attention, infomuch,
that by the induftry and ingenuity of our 'worthy
provo/l, many new crimes have been difcovered,
which are not fo much as named in the ftatutes, and
which no one fufpefted to be offences, until his
ufeful labours pointed out the difcovery. zdly, the
provoft has propofed, and the board has agreed to the
erefting of new buildings, which will form a
/quare, each fide of which will be about 220 feet
in length, and three fides of it will be new, and
this is to be begun immediately. The fourth fide
will not be new, but old buildings built quite new,
on the very beft plan of ruins now extant. The art.
of building ruins has been brought to a high pitch
in thefe days. Among other monuments of his ge-
nius, the provoft propoles to give an inftancc of his
tafte for that ftyle of architecture, by making one
fide of his intended new fquare a venerable eld
ruin. He, as a praftiied improver, well knows
what a delightful termination to a vifto is afforded
by a ruin. Perhaps in \bzfield which is to be pro-
vided for the exercifes of the youth, when it can
be
P R A N C E R I A N A. 183
be done with convenience, he may plant a dark walk,
which will end in his ruin. Oxford and Cam-
bridgeare full ofGothick fpires, chapels, cathedrals,
and other ancient edifices, which, by filling the
mind with a religious awe, and difpofing it to fe-
rious meditation, contribute not a little to the fu-
perior learning and poetical genius, which it muft
be owned are difplayed at thefe univerlities. Some-
thing of the fame kind is wanting to give our uni-
verfity that gloomy folemnity fo proper in a feat of
learning, and fo well fitted to excite philofophical
mufings ; and this great defeft will foon be reme-
died by our intended ruin. 3dly, Nothing is fo
commendable in the head of a learned feminary as
an attention to the duties of religion. The provoft,
with grief obferved, that the number of chapels in
a week was fhamefully diminiihed ; and, to re-
ftore a commendable fpirit of devotion in the uni-
verfity, the provoft has propofed, and the board at
his inftance agreed, that the great bell fhall be
tolled for early prayers ; the little bell was former-
ly employed on this fervice, and found infurHcient,
fuch was the drowfinefs of the young gentlemen.
It is now hoped that many whom neither a fpirit
of devotion, nor the clamours of their college wo-
men, can fummon from their beds, may be roufed
to their duty by the thunders of the great bell ;
and left thefe good intentions mould be defeated
by the careleflhefs and lazinefs of the college do-
meftics, the provoft (whofe eye, like thefun, is every
where) conftantly attends in per/on to fee the great
bell
184 P R A N C E R I A N A.
bell tolled, and often afllfts in tolling it with his
own hands. An unlucky accident happened lately
atone of thefe morning exercifes: Our poor pro-
voft's leg was caught in the loop of the bell-rope ;
and he was now borne aloft to the cieling then
plunged down and dafhed againft the floor in-
fomuch, that if it had not been for the folidity of
his head, or for a warm red night-cap which he
wore, his brains muft inevitably have been dafhed
out. 4thly, To complete his fcheme for the en-
couragement of religion, the provoft has devifed a
new expedient- which is to give premiums to fix
jclock chapels, which will be an effectual means of
encouraging (as he fays) thofe diligent youths.
Thefe, gentlemen, are fafts. Malevolent writers
have torn a refpeftable character to pieces : be it
my part to reunite the mangled limbs.
MARTINUS SCHOLASTICUS.
No.
PRANCERIANA. 185
No. 31. Friday, Febuary 3, 1775.
PLUT. in ANT.
TO HIPPARCHUS.
fT F, in the prcfent elevation of military fame
JL (doubly dear from novelty) the voice of your
friend can reach you, receive the congratulations of
Cbaridemus, on the encreafe of your renown, and
the fafety of your perfon : he as little hoped an
addition to the former, as a hazard of the latter ;
but it is the fludy of the generous Hipparckus, to
gratify all his friends, who love to rail or to laugh,
with fubjefts beyond the meafure of their wifhes,
and furprife them daily with fomething which
ftartles belief, and fhames invention. You poffefs
O Hipparchus ! that noble boldnefs and prompti-
tude of corruption, which rufh on through the cla-
mours and curfes of men without hefuation or fear ;
and perpetually make the lail crime a Hep to a
greater ; that happy alertnefs of foly forever butt-
ling
f This paper appeared foon after the provoft had fought
with William Doyle, Efy
186 p R A N C E R I A N A.
ling to difplay itfelf ; and that noble enterprize of
indifcretion for ever in queft of fome undifcovered
region of abfurdity. Men void of principle and ve-
racity are too apt to imagine that this want renders
them confummate politicians ; you have felt that
they fatally deceive themfelves ; perfidy and falf-~
hood, with prudence and temper, are powerful j
you havefelf that without them they are weak and
unmanageable inftruments Had a comick writer
invented fuch a feries of tranfaftions as your's, and
defcribed fuch a ridiculous defpotijm, burlefque pomp,
and beggarly parade of learning and abilities, we
fhould have condemned the pleafantry as inor-
dinate, the delineation as overcharged. Had the
fatirical traveller made a governor of the literary
ftate in Lagado, a projector of gaudy days, an erec-
tor of riding-houfes ; had he given him orations on
any thing or nothing, folemnly read from notes
deliberately written and publications of anonymous
fophiftry in anfwer to anonymous charges ; had he
introduced him fummoning his council, and when
they, were fuppofed buiy in fettling fome weighty
point of learning or morals, fetting them to confttue
the afterifks and fill up the blanks of the morning
fcribbler, to contrive or refute newfpaper invectives,
and then (to compleat the ridicule) to cenfure the
readers of them ; had he conducted this man (of
whom it was faid he had one of the peaceful vir-
tues, he was patient of injuries a patience the
more meritorious from his uindiRi've nature,) to a
field
P R A N C E R I A N A. 187
field of battle in his old age, and killed in (ingle
combat; wefhould have condemned the humour as
forced, the character as unnatural ; and rejoiced in
the conclufion of the tale. You are a benefactor
to the ftage ; you have added one to the ftock of
comick characters. Your kindnefs to thefatirift is
not lefs fignal ; you know what pleafure he receives,
when the object of his invective feels the blow : you
do not merely feel, you agonize under the touch ;
your conduct invites the attack, and your trembling
fenfibility affures his aim. To compleat your kind-
nefs, it is not an amiable pity-moving lenfibility,
that might awaken remorfe in him that wounds it,
or fix on him the charge of cruelty ; it is the/en/i-
bility of j'nails and toads that emit (in impotence of
fpite) frothy filth or venom, while they fhrink from
the wound. Nothing can give more pleafure to the
virtuous, than guilt, by ridiculous fenfibility, ren-
dered its own fcourge ; except it be a corrupt man
and his wicked initruments, defeating pernicious
fchemes by their own folly ; while diffimulation be-
comes fincerity ; falftiood, by its veracity unifor-
mity, and the wheels within wheels of an oppref-
five tyranny take fire through the rajknefs of the
movers. It feems that the days of fafcination have
not yet ceafed, and that fome inchanter, leagued
with the enemy of mankind commands his daemon
to hover round the head of Hipparchus, and influ-
ence his actions. Hence novelty has chaced novelty,
propofed, dignified, declaimed on, afTented to, and
abandoned ; and folly has tricked her cap with a
daily
i8S PRANCERIANA.
daily projeft, fcarcely worn, and given to the wind.
Yet, accuftomed as they are to this magnificent ex-
hibition of grand abfurdity, your fubje&s were
aftoni/hed (much as they well might expecl from
your talents) at a late publication, and a later combat.
Your enemies taxed you with want of literary abi-
lities j men who had never heard your oratory, and
only knew it by its fruits, in your aggrandizement,
might well have doubted the truth of this charge.
You have politely proved its juftice, and publilhed
a teft of your abilities, fuch as your bittereft enemy
would have dictated. In a late trafi on education t
confufion of ideas, ignorance of grammar, blunders,
barbarifms, and vulgarities, are accumulated with
fuch fkill, that the compofition is beneath an ad-
vertiftng mecbanick ; and did not the refemblaace to
your ufual ftyle of oratory appear too plainly, might
be thought a mean attempt to difgrace you by im-
puted nonfenfe. By difperfing this performance,
however, with your o<wn hands, you have prevented
any doubt of its authenticity. Your infinuations
to the prejudice of your predeceflbr- your endea-
vours to wound the memory of the dead -your
pompous difplay of the wonders of fix months
your injurious refleclions on the ftate you govern
your reprefenting it as funk in floth, depraved by
luxury, ignorant of arts, void of difcipline, and
carelefs of religion your modeft comparifons be-
tween yourfelf and your predeceflbrs'on the throne,
(comparifons which the public would have made of
itfelf, too foon for your honour) your libellous,
bafe,
PRANCERIANA. 189
bafe, and falfe imputations on the members of your
council and the public rhetors, conveyed under
fawning compliment and fulfome civility, which
fhew at once cowardice and malice, the delire and
fear to wound all thefe may determine the quali-
ties of your heart. The ftab aimed at the expoun-
der of the laws is peculiarly envenomed. You in-
form the world, that his labours were hitherto uje-
lefs ; you promife to aflift and inllrul him in his
department. Every man acquainted with our courts
of juftice knows what muft be the underftanding
and legal knowledge that could really be indebted
to your inftrudVions. Your publifhing a libel (that
muft roufe the moft unfeeling to refentment, the
moft indolent to oppofition) on your council on
men whom you wifh to attach to your government,
and tt.l&SX jubferwitvt to your meafures, is confident
with your charafteriftick petulance, with the fickly
peevifhnefs of confcious infamy, with your ungen-
tlemanly, indecent infolence, and outrageous, wan-
ton infults on fome of your moft refpe&ab.'e
fubjefts ; and may determine your character as a
politician. Ycur plans (the darling conceptions of
your vanity) had been treated with contempt, and
called the reveries of ignorance bewildered by power.
Men might have fufpecled that the charge was
groundleis, or exaggerated. You have fubmitted
ichemes, that will aftonifli, provoke, and divert,
to the publick ; and men may judge for themfelves.
They
i 9 o P R A N C E R I A N A.
They find, however, one fubjeft for praife in
thefe fallies of abfurdity, that they are imperfect
and abortive ; they lie like the crude, unformed
crawling reptiles, hatched in the mud of Nile ;
and not allthe rays ef oratorial fun-fhine fhall ripen
them intofnakes and adders. One ftep your friends
and enemies wifhed to fpare you the fending
a libel on your ftate and your fubjefts to Thebes and
Corinth, as if one empire could not afford contempt
enough for ravings, which even phrenzy would
difeaim. Both your enemies and friends wifhed
to hide your fellies within your own kingdom,
left they mould become publicly ridiculous, and
find a fhare of contempt, reflected to them from
the abfurdities of their prince. The good, content
with a vain oppofition, blulhed at, and wifhed
to conceal their unhappy fituation. The indolent
and timid defired to bury meafures, in which they
concurred, in eternal filence. The advifer who
planned, and the inftrument who fupported bafe
or ridiculous meafures, hoped to veil their depra-
vity from thepublick, and fink into oblivion with
the tyranny they aided : They may thank the
pen of Hipparchus for a fhare in his immortality of
dijhontur. Muft we attribute a late tranfaftion
to a return of the fondnefs you once fhewed for
the military profeffion, to the love of abfurdity,
or to a fettled plan for ruining the city you
govern ? Tt is a new thing under the Sun, to
fee the head of a learned city, a guardian of morals,
a man appointed to reftrain licentious youth, and
" recall
P R A N C E R I A N A. 191
recall the eager paffions from outrage, againft
the laws of man or God openly defying the laws
of his country, which his profeffion peculiarly calls
on him to maintain, and committing a crime which
he is bound, by his office and his oath, to prevent.
You have enlarged on the bleflings of your reign,
the negligence of your predeceflbrs, the incapacity
of your counsellors, the want of difcipline in
your dominions ; you furely meant military
a late tranfa&ion is fubverfive of all other. The
laws of your ftate are fo full and exprefs againft
quarrels and fanguinary jollifications, that they do
not permit your fubjefts even to wear arms *.
We are now more than ever convinced of the
wifdom of the tradition, that the fovereign of this
country ought to be a prieft. Can the magiftrate,
with decency, punifh the fubjeft for the very
crime of which the fovereign has been guilty. The
man who thought a trifling amufement demanded
all the thunders of his inve&ive who ftudied the
laws fo diligently, noted down their purport in his
cloiet and, in his zeal for morality, and the
intereits of religion, read his manufcript to his
aflembled fubje&s, pompoufly referred them to the
volume at large, dared to infmuate a charge of
perjury, and, with a queftion of accufation, afked
them
* We find 'a fimilar claufe, in a modern code: Statuimus
Sc ordinamus ut nullus praedilorum Armis, &c. in colle-
gio aut in urbe utatur. In the fame code, Homicidium vo-
luntarium, is numbered among the majora Crimina.
192 P R A N C E R I A N A.
them if they remembered their oath, J this mau
is found in a field of combat, in open defiance of
our laws, and of the oath f by which he was
bound to maintain them. We fliall be told of
the cuftoms of the world, and the difficulties of your
fituation. Duelling is a fatal remedy for the defe&s
of law and police ; fometimes neceflary, never lau-
dable. This ferocious practice is a fupplement to
the laws, and reftrains men from tranfgreflion,
by the fear of confequences ; while the brutal, the
perfidious, and the difiblute are awed into inno-
cence ; and by the prompt vengeance it inflidls,
the domeftick virtues, to whofe prefervation the
laws could not extend, the decencies, the confi-
dences, the refpeftable forbearances, and falutary
reltraints of life, are enforced. As the remedy
is violent, it mould not be applied, except where
the laws have failed to provide redrefs, and the
injured perfon would become infamous, lofe his
rank in life, intercourfe with his fellow-citizens,
happinefs, and perhaps means of exiftence ; where,
J In the fame code we find a law againft card playing which
was originally intended to prevent gaming, but has lately been
rigoroufly enforced, in order to deprive the fellows and
fcholars of the college of an innocent amufement, and to en-
courage drinking.
f There is a parallel paffage in an oath recited in the fame
Code : Statuta huj us Collegii pro virili mea in omnibus fervatu-
rum iifque omnibus qua: ex eorum Praefcripto gerentur meum
AfTenfum accommodaturum, omnefque & (ingulos, &c. ex
iifdem legibus & Statutis fiue ullius Generis aut Conditionis,
aut Ferfonarum Refpttlu, gratia aut Odio i eclurum even a Sen.
PRANCE R IAN A. 193
in ftiort, from the greatnefs of the offence, the
neceffity of puniihing, and the filence of the le-
giflator, the man returns to a ftate of nature in that
inftance. You had none of thefe reafons to juftify
your conduft ; and the man is highly criminal
in the fight of his country and his God who feeks
occafions of fighting, and wantonly draws on him-
felf a challenge ; nor is he juftified, by faying,
that he was dared to the meeting, he was challenged
to the field, if the challenge was drawn on him
by his own conduct, his own words ; if the par-
ticular occafion was ridiculous, or hiscaufe unjufti-
fiable. Men may almoft fecure themfelves from
quarrels by an uniform propriety of behaviour,
by avoiding injurious words, bafe aftions in private
life, and perfidious, oppreflive politics, in publick.
Though duelling (and it is a dangerous concefiion)
may be thus neceflary to reilrain offences that do not
fall under the eye of the law, the occafions fhould
be important, and the man mould be one who is
free to adl for himfelf, anfwerable Tor his own
conduct, and accountable to the world and pofte-
rity for a (hare of reputation inherited or acquired.
Youths placed at a feat of learning are not free to
aft for themfelves j while they continue there,
their honour is obedience to the laws ; they are
not guardians of their own reputation , they are
wards under the governors of the ftate, to whom
their parents have committed them in truft. The
magiftrates, therefore, are anfwerable for their
conduct and their fafety, and bound to prevent
K the
i 9 4 P R A N C E R I A N A.
the extravagance of youthful pa/lion, and reftrain
from avenging their own wrongs.men, whofe preci-
pitance might find an injury where none was in-
tended, whofrom want of experience and judgement
might be too much alive to feeling, or too intem-
perate in revenging. The power of the magiftrates
to perform theic duties is at an end ; the turbu-
lent and vindictive will avail themfelves of the
example of their chief ; the walls of your city
will be fprinkled with blood, and your kingdom
become the abode of falfe honour, the groundlefs
fufpicion of injury, the cruel jealoufy of reputation,
and the fanguinary pique. You were peculiarly
culpable, as a recourfe to arms was not not necefTary
to the maintenance of your prefent, or advancement
to a higher rank ; you rofe to honours and dig-
nities, far too high for your birth or abilities, with-
out the reputation of courage, perhaps under an im-
putation of fhe contrary quality : why then was
the military renown, which you found unneceflary
to the grandeur of your youth, fought as an orna-
ment for your age ? Men of advanced age, peace-
able profeffions, tender connections, and exalted
ftations, may (and it is expected from them to do
it) difcountenance the practice of duelling ; they
have already determined their rank in life ; they
are not now to fight their way through a turbulenr;
encroaching world ; their characters are afcertain-
ed ; at leaft the mode of altering them is not csmbat,
which will only attract notice, raife clamour^ and
be the means of propogating the fcandal it was
meant
PRANCERIANA. 195
meant to remove. Age will be in itfelf fufficient to
proteft. men from infults if it be irreproachable at
prefeht, and if the paft years have been given to
virtue, or, at leart, innocence. If life has been di-
vided between crimes that claim deteftation, and
abfurdities that awaken contempt ; men, however
dignified by wealth orjiafion, muft expedl that all
who do not depend on their power, or hope from
their influence, if ferious, will exclaim if gay,
will laugh if virtuous, will detefif. A man whofe
whole life has been a feriesof publickinjury, pubhck
inability, and publick vanity ; who has uniformly
proltituted mean abilities to meaner purpofes j who
employs even the moments of relaxation at his <vi//a,
when other tyrants fleep, when the narrow heart of
the traitor and the tod is fomewhat enlarged by
pleafure, and the natural depravity difappears in
merriment, to opprefs the weak, to hunt the poor,
the ignorant, and the friendleis from their dwellings,
by chicane and legal wrong, that he may extend
the lawn or grove, and add their little _/&/<& and
gardens to the demefne of over-grown, exalted
tbjcurity ; whoafpired to the dominion of a learned
city, that he might fill it with his abfurdities, villify
it by his flanders, (ubvert it by his corrupt influence,
muttexpeft publick hatred, publick reproach, pub-
lick contempt, and publick ridicule. In vain fliall
he difplay his late-ripened autumnal valour, in vain,
mail he fcek the mulick of a good name in the report
of a piftol ; he fhall find a miferable utility in his
abfurdi.ies, (which may fometimes divert the
K 2 publick
196 P R A N C E R I A N A.
publick eye from crimes) and fink to the grave,
Hung with the ridicule, covered with the difgracc
he merits.
CHARIDEMUS.
No. 32. Monday, February 6, 1775.
Nemo tamenjludiii indignum ferre labor em
Cogetur pofthac, neftit quicunque canoris
Eloquiutn vocale modis, laurumque memordit \
Hoc agite, O Juvenes : circumfpicit et ftimulat ves
Materiamque jlbi duels indulgent ia queerit. Juv.
MC BREACHAGH'S DECREE.
NO more mall Grub-flreet lie neglected, wild,
Her cellars firelefs, and her roofs until'd ;
No more her damps the gaunt declaimer chill,
Nor (how'rs thro' chinks on haplcfs bards diftill,
Who nought poffefs but rhyming art, or lungs,
Who deal in fcrannel pipes, or flippant tongues,
With equal merit, tho' unequal lot,
To G 1 n, H w d, B 1 r, and S t
Her
PRANCERIANA. 197
Her ancient empire, o'er Beotia's plains,
Lo ! Dullnefs vindicates, and now regains ;
Her chilling mills have ficken'd now the blaze,
Whence orient fcience pour'd her golden rays ;
In fogs invelop'd Almas turrets fade ; *
What erft was grand and folid feems a made.
Her fav'rite fon the dulky queen commands,
To lead 'gainil Almas dome her chofen bands ;
Their headlong fury whelms the proilrate walls ;
Sbattoge Me Rreagkagh rules the captive halls ;
Dei'ponding genius weeps, fcar'd fcience flies,
Whiift noife and nonfenfe mount the vaulted fkies ;
Vi&oriotH Dullnefs chaunts Me Breaghagb't fame,
Sbanoge Me Breagbagb, ftill her darling name.
Behold the chief, his temples crown'd with bay,
Mount?, H>uen!o-like t his throne ! - afierts his fway I
Obfequious dunces to his levee crowd,
The fawning auditor, the flatt'rer loud :
Ben Saddi here attends with fpeftrick leer,
And turgid Fur.gui tears the burfting ear;
Whilfteach, attentive, hopes a friendly glance,
He views his brother-dunce with eyes afkance ,
The herd by difFrent arts allure his fniiles,
(For dunces ever moft excel in wiles)
Some whine fubmiffion, others echoing bray,
Like parifh clerks refponfive duty pay :
Some with loud nonfenfe boldly llorm his grace,
Whilft others fap with engineer grimace.
His court the chief's glaz'd eyes furvey benign,
And b|and he thus declares his great defign ;
" Let
198 P R A N C E R I A N A,
" Let all attend my words with hearts elate,
Allfmit 'with love of poe/y and prate,
Sworn foes of fcience, all my bold compeers,
Ye fpeechers, fpouters, mimicks, fonnetteers ;
Too long has learning rear'd her haughty throne
In this our ifle, and call'd our realm her own ;
Too long dift'us'd her bright ufurping flame,
And chang'dour old pofleffion to a claim :
Since firft Eliza hurl'd the invafive brand
Which blaz'd up here, and wide illum'd the land,
The foe has tyranniz'd, our efforts vain,
Save the fliort triumph of Me Flecknois reign.
Now fortune fmiles, all hail th 1 aufpicious hour !
Th' expiring embers own oar chilling pow'r ;
Oppofing legions fhun th' unequal fight,
And fly, bewilder'd in impervious night ;
To me hereditary right infures
This throne I govern to obey is yours:
For know (fuch potent dullnefs* fage decree)
Me Flecknois fpirit tranfmigrates in me ;
Then hear my high behefts The bardwhofe fong
In fmootheft numbers only glides along,
Too foft the leaft emotion to excue,
Quite innocent of thought, verbofe and trite,
Flow'ry like brother Namby Pamfy's lays,
(Now gathered to the dull of ancient days}
The bard with fock, or buflcin ne'er bedight,
Who, flioeleis, treads as filent as a fprite,
With motion fcarce perceptible who creeps,
Nor Hops, but when the yawning reader fleeps ;
For
PRANCERIANA. 199
For him fhall Almas choiceft honours bloom,
Her laurels crown him, and her bays perfume,
Her captive regifters record his name,
And weekly journals wide diffufe his fame.
Nor empty praifes all his fcanty meed,
Which nor the naked clothe, nor hungry feed :
No longer fliall he friendly night invoke,
To veil his patches with her ebon cloak ;
Nor fupperlefs in fmoaking cellars plunge,
Nor, gaunt and weak, in Copper-alley f lounge
But Alma* treafures mall his toil reward,
The chearful draper grafp his ready yard ;
Thefe kitchens, cellars, ftores, fliall furnifh doles,
Beef, pudding, beer, innum'rous pecks of coals :
Thus rags, and fhrivell'd want, ihall fade away,
He burnifh'd flitter in the blaze of day.
Nor lefs rewaids and honours him (hall grace,
Who doubly blefs'd with brazen lungs and face,
Fierce as the midnight ruffian, blind and hot,
Out- brawls O'C r, N h m and S < -t ;
Who the witch, realbn, drowns like mob of old,
With rampant nonfenfe, turgid, rude, and bold ;
Who yonder roftmm makes with fierce effay,
From morn 'till noon, from noon 'till parting day,
And gains, for endlefs declamation, fame
Which Henly erft acquir'd, which now I claim.
" To eternize this throne our arm have won,
That dunce to dunce fucceed, to fire the fon,
Be
f An alley in Dublin where there are many cook-fliops.
200 P R A N C E R I A N A.
Be next our care ; left fcier.ce in the dark
Steal in and fan to flame fome latent fpark,
Debauch our fubjeds with her myftick lore,
And all her rebel exil'd train reftore :
Let us reprefs her vigilance with guile,
We'll feize her armoury in % yonder pile ;
And each, a volume's load coo weak to brook,
A preface wield, i\\.e phantom of a book :
Hence bearing femblance of our foes array,
As cruifers hoift falfe colours to betray,
We'll take all thofe, intangled by our art,
Where fenfe rebellious lurks about the heart.
" Thefe tomes, unnumber'd, reprobate we all,
In one expurgatory lift they fall ;
Againft our crown they treafon all contain,
For all betray fome particles of brain :
Yet we permit (our fubjefts to amufe)
Light preface-reading, magazines, review*.
" As wizzard Andrewt (learning's general Jate,)
Had deftin'd old aftronomy a feat,
From whence the fleepjefs hag might traverfe foon
The various errors cf the vvand'ring moon ;
We from our princely and paternal care,
Not prone to drive the vanquifh'd to dcfptir,
Of fpecial grace, the dame will entertain j
Our firft profeffor be fagacious Dean : t
Yet
I The Library.
^ Dr. Andrews, the late provoft, left part of his fortune to
build an obfervatory, and endowed a profeflbrfhip of aftronomy,
f William Dean, Efqj
P R A N C E R I A N A. 201
Yet rays of favour tho' the witch ftiall feel,
We banifh Newton, Gregory and Keil,
And hug the J book, vvhofe courtly leaves difclofe
The arched Iky to fmirking belles and beaux ;
Our patrons all its treafures fhall explore,
And Blaquiere underitand, and Blaquiere's whore.
And grant, great dulnefs, tho' my heart be vain,
That here Me Breaghagtfs may fucceffive reign ;
Their future kings, Me Breagbagtfs dunces call,
Me Breagbagb, Pharaoh like, a name for all."
Now let your joys burft forth in grateful peals,
f Clink all your itink-pots, flouriih all your flails !
Th' impatient crowd long emulous to praife,
In one full chorus all their voices raife ;
Here deep-mouth'd Fungus thunders forth applaufe,
There flirill the found, from SadJt's flefhlefs jaws :
Thus fome large buck- hound, to the pack the bafe,
Hears the foho, glad fignal of the chafe,
Hoarfe thunder peals from his capacious throat
The nimble beagle yelps a treble note :
Stink-pots and flails harmonious cadence keep,
As clink the fcrape and brudi of May-day fweep :
Wide thro' the welkin fings the loud acclaim,
And Grub-ftreet garrets catch McBreaghagb's name*
Scaf'd eccho fcreamson Liffey's winding fhore,
Long reign McBreaghagb, Grub-ftreet garrets roar.
1 The gentleman's and lady's aftrononr.y.
f Vide battle of the Horn-books, Iknuey's arms.
No.
202 P R A N C E R I A N A.
No. 33. Wednefday* February 8, 1775.
PLUT. in ANT.
TO H1PPARCHUS.
YOU, HIPPARCHUS, have a noble conten-
tion with the world, which grows every day
more arduous and interefting. You have ftruggled
bravely (and hitherto with fuccefs) to produce
more bafeneis and folly, than the world can hatred,
contempt, reproach, and ridicule. Yet while your
enemies difplay the ablurdity, infolence, and inde-
cency of a late tnnfa&ion, the labours of your
friends to derive it from virtuous motives may not
be wholly ineffectual. We have hitherto been
amufed by the intricacies of the plot, and the in-
trigue of the drama : the fable now draws to a de-
noument. You have avowed the aim of your la-
bours, your arts, your machinations, your oppref-
lions, and your abfurdities. You have fet your fon
before the electors of the date. You have faid, " be-
hold this boy ! - he is by natural right your repre-
ftr.tative i fend him into the great council." The
difcerning
P R A N C E R I A N A. 20?
' difcerning partiality of a father may fee in his child
many attainments, many endowments, many per-
fections, concealed from vulgar eyes ; he may fee
fuperior genius in youthful vivacity, integrity in
youthful careleffnefs, the talents for bufinefs in eafy
manners, and heroick courage in an outrage on the
laws, and a violation of decency ; and who would
wilh to draw a curtain between him and his difco-
i-fries? It is with pain we oppofe the only fchemc
of Hipparchus for which, perhaps, he could ever
aflign a juilifiable reafon ; and were the demand
lefs exorbitant, men might gratify you, for the no-
velty of your motive. It is the finking feature of
your adminiftration to provoke hatred and contempt,
by meafures unprofitable to yourfelf; nay, by the
moft odious meaiures, (which feem recommended
to your choice only by their being wicked and ridi-
culous) you have deliberately overthrown your dar-
ling ichemes. This unhappy fatality attends your
ion ; we need only turn our eyes to fome previous
viea'ttres, to determine our fentiments of the candi-
date whofe caule could make fuch tneafures nccef-
fery.
When we fee a wretch, whole native inlignificance,
inanity, imbecility, and perpetuity of infancy might
have preferved him inojfenfive, afpiring to mifchief,
and exerting hispuxy artifice, malice, and infolence,
with a weaknefs and want of judgment, equal to the
wickednefs of the attempt, to influence the political
opinions, and pervert the judgment of his difciples ;
bafc,
304 P R A N C E R I A N A.
bafe, bold, and wicked enough to preach and main-
tain, (with fophiftry that would fuit the unlettered
ages of Mankijb darknefi when bigots toiled for ir-
religious tyrants) the moft flavifh tenets that can de-
bafe the tool, and exalt the oppreffor ; we muft
trace this conduct to a higher fource than his own
narrow heart, and find the hand of the mover in
the motions of the wooden, disjointed puppet.
The office of preceptor, in your ftate, is a facred
One. The endeavour to pervert and debafe it, is
treafon againft the city you govern. To the pre-
ceptor, the father of a ftudent commits the morals,
honour, and future fame of his child ; he con-
figns to his care a mind tender, pliable, fulcepti-
ble of good and evil, in hopes of his marking it
with good: and curfed be the wretch who would
ftainitwith evil, and insinuate opinions which only
a villain would wifh, a fool would attempt to ella-
blifh, where the honefty of youth diclat.es, and a
liberal education confirms generous fentiments. To
deceive the father, and blaft his hopes, by deprav-
ing the judgment of the difciple, and filling his
mind with falfe, ridiculous, fcandalous, and flavifh
tenets, is a cruel breach of faith and truft, an equal
violation of honour and honefty. You have treated
many of your fubjecls with indecent petulance and
brutal peeviflinefs. They are not the airs of mtck
greatnefs, the magisterial haughtineis, tiie peremp-
tory tone, the broad ftare of confident Superiority,
th malignant eye, and the infolence of office, that
can
PRANCERIANA. 205
can awe the fpirits you muft encounter. A litte art,
a little forbearance, a little moderation, a little
common fenfe, might have influenced many ; do
not again venture to confront your moft refpeclable
fubj efts with their flaves; do not dare again to
chide men, as if they were boys at ichool ; the
goad of a driver muft be pointed with fteel, not
lead. You appear, indeed, like the ftatue of juftice,
defcribed by fome writer, with the purfe and the
fword. , The accumulation of employments in the
ftate, and the profitable priefthood you have be-
ftowed on the religious director of your confcienct^
mew what your friends and inftruments may hope.
Your excluding the refraftory from offices, your in-
dignities to individuals, and, perhaps, your inter-
fojftfg in the difpofal of ftudents under preceptor!,
will mew what your opponents have to fear. But
let not your adherents rely too much on your court
influence; that will fade as your abilities become
generally known and you have now mounted an
eminence from u hence you may difplay their na-
kednefi to the whole world.
You reproached, you cenfured, you infulted a num-
ber of refpe&able elecltors, for afiembliug to confider
calmly a point of general concern you difptrfed
their meeting you calumniated them in print you-
difplayed the impropriety, the illegality of fuch de-
bates, while there was yet no adlual vacancy. You have
committed the very fault you condemned you have
aflembled your fubjeb,propofed a candidate, and can-
vafled for voices. Surely to prohibitpreviouscieliberati-
ons,
ao6 P R A N C E R I A N A.
ons, was te confefs a vvifh that the choice might be
made without wifdom : the attempt was full of
your ufual moderation and prudence. You only
modeflly demanded, that men, independent in their
fituation, liberal in their fentiments, and refpecla-
ble in their characters, (many of them of mature
age) mould refign themfelves implicitly to the
guidance of a paltry, minifterial tool. When Hip-
parchus endeavours to obtrude his Jon on the elec-
tors, and requefts their protection for him, it is
their duty to confider whether he deferves it ; and
weigh his age, paft conduct, parentage, connec-
tions, and education. Hipparchus has compelled
men to a fcrutiny which may give pain to a youth
of many good qualities, (among which, however,
independance can have no place) but the feverity
is unavoidable, for the enquiry is neceflary. The
eyes of all men are fixed on the electors of your
ftate; the world expeds from them an example of
judicious determination, fortitude, and unanimity.
Their number is fufficiently large to promife inde-
pendence ; yet fmall enough to promife deliberate
meafures, confiilency, and concord, without tu-
mult or extravagance. And will fucb conftituents
fend into the great council a boy, without the ma-
turity of judgment and knowledge of men and man-
ners, which are requifite in a framer of laws ?
Nothing can make a legiflative affembly more
contemptible, turbulent, inconfiftent, and weak,
than crowding it with boys, ignorant, injudicious,
a/Turning, predjudiccd and impetuous ; except it be
the
PRANCERIANA. 207
the placing along with them fathers, vain, weak,
corrupt, buftling, forward and unblufhing. Had
this young man been educated among your fubjecls,
they might have imagined, that they did honour to
themfelves, while they aggrandized the child of
their cares. Had he refided long among them, fo
that they might have intimately known his difpo-
tion and character, and proved his virtues ; the
ridicule of electing a boy, might have been excufed
or palliated. This youth has yet made but one ftep
in life, and it has been a falfe (at leaft injudicious)
one. He has introduced himfelf to the notice of
the world, by a defiance of law, order, prudence,
decency, and religion, which his fpirited conducl,
and the filial piety of his motive cannot wholly ex-
tenuate. He has violated the laws of the empire,
as a citizen ; of your dominions, as a ftudent ; and
of honour, as a gentleman ; and for which of thefe
merits mall men overlook his youth, and appoint
him a legiflator ? In your ftate, the offence which
he has committed is numbered among the grtater
crimes ; there is a peculiar indecency in propofing
your fon to conftituents whofe laws he has peculi-
arly violated. The domeftick virtues of this youth
are acknowledged univerfally ; but private are often
found feperate from publick virtues ; indeed the man
who wants both, is a monfter unfit to live ; even
Hipparcbus is awake to all the refpeclable tender-
nefle? of paternal fondnefs. But when a man is
offered as a candidate *ibr a publick employment,
publick qualifications draw the attention, and when
determined,
*o8 PRANCERIANA.
determined, direct the choice. The private virtues
cf Hipparc bides y far from recommending him to the
electors, furnifh the ftrongeft arguments againit
him ; his warm feelings, and the goodnefs of an
affectionate hear: will make him a flave to his fa-
mily and connections ; his filial piety (which every
one mud applaud) will render him blind to his fa-
ther's faults, and difpofe him to admire his fyftem of
politicks; enfnared by his dutiful difpofition, he will
be the obfequious creature of parental authority.
The publick virtues of the youth are far from being
doubtful. What can be expected from the inftruc-
tions and authority of a father, proftitute in his
principles, fhackled by his connections ? Will he
not train up his fon to receive the wages of flavery ?
Has he not now led him forth (after a more leffon
of venality) to offer his tender ihoulder to the bur-
thens of tyranny ? It may be faid, this youth has
not been fully tried ; will you condemn him un-
heard ? He has been fully tried in his father's
actions ; he has been fully heard in the reputation
of his father ; the whole tenour of his father's life
cries loudly, and declares what part the fon will
act. They are early days yet with the young man.
The time for making off a parent's authority j the
yeais that promife independence are fcarcely arrived.
Hereafter, when age has confirmed and expanded
his virtues, and given him a knowledge of men and
manners, if he can make off the influence, and for-
get the example and maxim^of z. father, whofe name
will be his chief reproach, he may fit in the fenate
with
PRANCERIANA. 209
with honour to himfelf, and advantage to his coun-
try, Unhappy youth ! the condud of his father
will render his firft exertions of virtue fufpicious ;
and it will require many years of undrviatir.g inte-
grity, to gain the publick confidence. The difhonour
of his father will hang on him like a cloud ; pater-
nal connections will be fpread like toils around
him, and impede the courfe of honour ; he will go
into the great council fettered by promifes and ob-
ligations,, the bondman of a miniftry 4 unable to
accomplim the warm virtuous wifhes of his heart ;
unable to indulge his honeit feelings, and iatit fy his
longings after fame ; doubly unhappy from his vir-
tuou difpofition ; unable to be juji to his country,
without a breach of piivatc/*V and folcmn engagt-
You Hipparcbus / h.ive been as great a benefac-
tor to your children, as to your country. You
have given them the example and name of a man,
who, fincc firft he heard the name of honour, def-
pifed the reality ; who, fince firft he enjoyed power,
has employed it in oppreffion and wrong ; and,
fincc firft he knew the vain parade of wealth and
grandeur, muft have alfo known that it was acquired
by the moft iniquitous means. A/on is little indebt-
ed to fuch a father for dragging him forth to pub-
lick nttice ; but you were born to devife and purfue,
with elaborate imprudence, fchemes for your own
confufion. The generous fpirit already {hewn by
the electors might have pointed out to you the ca-
taftrophe ; yet though you feel the ridicule, the
toils, the perplexities, the flume, the reproach, the
anguifh
210 P R A N C E R I A N A.
anguifh and defpair of the fituation wherein your
ignorance, folly, vanity, and officious venality have
placed you ; the outlines of tyranny muft be
filled up ; the proper touches and heightenings rnuft
be added to give oppreflion a happy boldnels, a due
relief; and all your ftrokes (it muft be owned) Ihew
a mailer's hand. All that a ram, intemperate, im-
prudent, fhamelef* governor couid, you have done ;
and future ages will doubt whether you mod inde-
cently opprefTed, or your fubjects nobly rejifted You
have been overwhelmed with mame and forrow ;
and future flaves of government will fear to approach
the fancluary of learning t left (like the Jewilh mo-
narch) they mould be fmitten with the plague of in-
famy, and turned forth to wander, vile, loathfome,
and deferred.
CHARIDEMUS.
No. 34.
PR ANCERIANA. 211
No. 34. Friday, February 17, 1775.
PLUT. in ANT.
TO H1PPARCHUS.
f T7" OUR conducl, Hipparchus! becomes every
X day more furprifing, more odious, more con-
temptible, and yet more interefting to the publick.
Your enormities, fince your appointment to your
prefent ftation, have been hitherto confined chiefly
to
f That the reader may the better underftand this paper, it
is neceflary to ftate the tranfaftion to which it alludes. On
Saturday the nth of February 1775, fome fcholars of the col-
lege went to the houfe of Mr. Michael Mills, Printer of the
Hibernian Journal, and having inveigled him to his door, under
a pretext of treating with him about the difpofal of a manu-
fcript, threw him down in the ftreet ; then forcibly carried
him away in a hackney coach to the college, holding all the
while piftols to his breaft, At the college, after he had been
fufficiently kicked and troden upon, he underwent the difci-
pline of the pump, and would probably have loft his life,
had he not been refcued by one of the fellows of the uni-
verfity, who feized one of the fcholars of the houfe in the
fattf on -whom, be-wevtr, no cinfure was faffed by the univer-
fity. The provoft was under a ntcejpty of tummoning a board
M
212 PRANCERIANA.
to the police of the ftate ; and men were interefted
in them only as they werei or hoped to be fathers,
and wifhed to find a refpeftable and well-regulated
place of education for their children. Though
fome
on this occafion.- By the cleareft evidence, Emanuel Thomp-
fon, and a young gentleman (the fcholar of the houfe above-
mentioned) were proved to have been concerned in this daring
and brutal outrage. The provoft, neverthelefj, would not
confent that any cenfure fhouid be pafled on Mr. Thompfon,
unlefs the other (tut ofbiifurfjl -voteri) were fuffered to efcapt :
and unlefs the cenfure fhouid be conveyed rather againft the
injured than the offending party. Verted ai the provoft ii by that
excellent prelate archbifhop Laud with the moft Arbitrary powers,
the board were obliged to obey. < Dr. L - was defjred to
put the provoft's fcntcnce into^W Latin ; he did it into La-
tin fucb as it it : and on Thurfday the i6th of February, an
Eulogium was pronounced on the conduct of the fcholart, in
the following terms :
" Cum conflet fcholarium ignotorum ccetum injuriam ad-
mififie in Typographum <juendm/ae/w, nomine Afilli, qui
nefarih flagitits nobiliora quaque collegii membra in chartis
fuislaceffiveiat j
' Et cum parum regimini collegii cautum fit, ni in auftorc?
et participes violentise utcutique l&fa et accenfoi animadvertere-
tur ; conftetque etiam Emanuelem Thompfon, illius violentiae
participem fuifle laudando, incitando, et difcipulo cuidam fcho-
iari obnitendo, qui pr:c<iilum Mills ab injurioforum manibus
eripere conatus eft; vifum eft prsepofito et fociis fenioribus
eundem Emanuelem Thompfon admonere, atque admonitionem
i.n album collegii referre."
Of which the following is a/r, but faithful tranflation :
" Whereas it appears that fome of the fcholars of the college
have done fome flight injury to a certain popular, and therefore
infamous
P R A N C E R I A N A. 213
fome meafures might be traced to your aims, the
iufpicion of their tendency refted among your fub-
jefts, and was too remote to alarm the community.
Shameful and open attempts to influence electors
unduly, and to debafe the majefty of the national
aflembly
nfamoiu Printer, of the name of Mills, who in a moft flagitious
manner had in his Journal for fome months paft libelled feme
noble members of the univerfity (namely the Provoft and doftof
Forfayeth) by republifhing the writings of the one, and funpry
ftating the actions of both :
" And, although the faid fcholars were highly laudable iafo
doing, and fhewed therein a becoming attachment to their
principals, and that they were fit inftruments for the purpofes of
party ; yet inafmuch as it is abfolutely neceffary, (in order to
keep up tome/hew of difciplinc, and to fave appearances) that
fome flight cenfure fhould be paffed on the perfons concerned
in faid bafty proceeding) however they might have been wound-
ed or inflamed by the adlions and writings of their principals
being thus exhibited to the publick j and inafmuch as it ap-
pears, that Emanuel Thomfon was an acceffory in tbit affair, by
aiding, abetting and aflifting the perfons engaged therein, and
by the oppofition which he gave to a fcbolar who endeavoured
to refcue the faid Mills :
" Therefore the provoft and fenior fellows have thought it
prudent to admonifli the faid Emanuel Thompfon, and to enter
the faid admonition on the college books."
In this fentence, the provoft feems to have followed the ex-
ample of a clergyman who ufed always to read the following
verfe of Scripture in this manner : And he fpaketohis fons,
faying, faddle me the afs and they faddled HIM." A pooi
Printer runs to the provoft, and crie., One of your brutal
fcholars, laft night, dragged me out of my houfe, beat, abufed,
and pumped me : Admonifli me this Ruffian" and he adm-
niihes bim.
ai 4 P R A N C E R I A N A.
affembly by fending thither the unworthy, are grea?
and publick injuries, which muft roufe every friend
to his country.
An important crifis is at hand, when the people
of your ftate may afiert their liberty, or feal them-
felves bondmen ; and as they value their indepen-
dence, they muft rejeft, uniformly, refolutely, and
without theleaftconfideration of his merits, every man
whatever propofed or fecretly fupported by their go-
vernor. Your attempt to exert an undue and arbitrary
influence is the fatal blow that would fubvert their
rights. You have avowed without fhame or hefita-
tion avowed your oppreffive and unconstitutional de-
figns ; your aft, therefore of propo/ing any man, or
attempting, in any fhape, to interfere with their elec-
tion, is what mould chiefly alarm them ; and their
utmoft vigilance mould be directed to your operati-
ons. They will fee in your meafures an attempt to
eftablifh an hereditary defpotifm within their walls,
and make their city {.\izpri--vatepropertyofa. vain,
ignoble, fervile, ambitious, private family. Every
honeft fubjeft in your ftate wifhes to fee the
crown bellowed, agreeably to their laws, on a
Native. The only hope of obtaining this darling
wi(h relts on a fteady opposition to your aims.
Should your people oppofe you with fpiric, una-
nimity, and fuccefs, the flaves of government
will be intimidated, and fear to accept the crown,
left it fhould prove a crown of glowing Heel on
their
P R A N C E R I A N A. 215
their heads. Corrupt niinifters will leave this brave
people to themfelves, and no longer have a reafon
for fending their creatures among them, when they
find the vanity of an attempt to fobdue fuch liberal
fpirits.
Some of your practices may hereafter appear be-
fore the legijlators of the land, to your confufion,
and the ruin of your hopes. Meanwhile, it is the
duty of every ckizen to inflit that infamy which is
the publick punilhment of publick crimes.
The moft noxious weeds, properly applied, have
healing virtues ; your wifdom has found a ufe
for the infamous and abandoned ; you have
called them from the tavern, the gaming-houfe,
and the flews, and fet them (in imitation of your
matters) to riot by authority in defence of ad-
minijtration. Your instrument in thefe excefies is an
objeft at which fiends may fmile ; a man long
refpeftable for his learning and religious life ;
late in his days, rendered the objeft of juft and
general wonder, abhorrence, and contempt ; in a
perpetual rage ; at war with himfelf and ail the
world ; dying, like a mad bound, inch by inch.
We need but follow the bank to find the fpring ;
an outrage concerted and conduced by the creature
of your creature*, could not be fuppofed to want
your
* One of the principal aflors in the violence offered to
Mr. Mills, was a young gentleman fupported from his infancy,
and educated by Dr. F f h.
246 P R A N C E R I A N A.
your encouragement : you have now openly avowed
your jbart in the tranfaftion, by extenuating and
explaining away the offence, and fufforting and
protecting the offenders with all your eloquence,
authority, legal jkill t legal fubtlety, legal experience,
and political arts. Flufhed with your new military
fame, you were refolved to make all your fubjecls
heroes. The head of a learned feate fat in deep divan
wirh his trujlj counfellors to plan a riot ; a veteran
lawyer employed his important mufings, to mature
an a/ault. You cftablimed your fway by peaceful
arts ; you were refolved to bring it to its meridian
glory by military exploits. You dreamed, you
talked of perfonalchaftifement, and manual 'vengeance \
your attentive courtiers caught the oraculous founds,
out-ran their guide, and actually accomplifhed
that of which you but dreamed. But your part in
this tranfaction was ftill more active, we muft con-
clude, than mere confcioufnefs, connivance, and
approbation, from your fupporting and protecting
the offenders ; %nd when, notwithftanding the
efforts of your faithful adherents at the council,
one fcape goat was neceffary to atone for the crime
of many, from your turning the form of his reproof
into an encomium, inferting therein a juftification
of his conduct, and in bold defiance of the laws
of four ftate, and of the land, of decency, and hu-
manity, giving a fanction to the moft brutal oat-
rage, and publicly exhorting the youths you were
called to govern, to the wildeft excefles of vindictive
cruelty. You laid many fchemes before the pub-
lick ;
P R A N C E R I A 1ST A. 21?
lick ; the moft important however were concealed.
We little imagined that the patriotic idea of a
national militia was among your projcdls. You
talked much, and with vaft felf-complacency, of
difcipline ; we little imagined that you were to
improve it by neiu evolutions, borrowed (it Ihould
feem) from the tribes of /avage Indians. You
early explored the treafures of your ftate ; you
foon difcovered that it afforded flaves, fpies, liars,
informers, falfe witnefles, and corrupt judges ;
you have now found, that it is not barren of
ruffians, bravoes, and affaflins. You fummoned
guardians of your honour from the brothel ; you
muftered your faithful houfhold troops ; you fmiled
on them with a pleafure, which the fight of fucb
'worth muft afford to fuch a mind ; you cheared
them with your benediction ; you lent them forth
to vindicate your name, with a valour fuccefsful
as your own ; and you prepared for them a kind
retreat, under the fhadow of your <wings. Riots
by authority, and public j unifications of them
offered by the governor, in fhamelefs evafion of
juft punifhment, are new things under the fun.
But furely the cries of a nation will at laft be heard ;
the reverend guardians and infpeftors of the ftate
will reprefent thefe enormous and ruinous offences
at the feet of Caefar ; and our juft and gracious
emperor will remove the outrageous and indecent
tyrant from the throne he dilhonours. You have
Jeverely injured their parents, by tncouraging in.
the ftudents a contempt of law, and a fpirit of
L licentious
zr8 PRANCERIANA.
licentious cruelty ; arid every man who wifhes wl!
to this kingdom, or defires to beftow a learned
and virtuous education on his child, is bound to
ftrain every nerve tor your removal. It is, perhaps,
an idle labour to fearch for motives, where abfur-
dity rifes on abfurdity, as wave on wave;- and
before we have traced one into its effects, we are
alarmed by the rufhing of another. You lamented
the neglect of difcipline, the turbulence, the li-
ccntioufnefs of your fubje&s ; you difplayed the
cares, the toils of your regency, and plumed your-
felf in various projedrs for the advancement of re-
ligion and morality. Having hazarded fuch affertions,
were you refolved to create a veracity for them,
and make the depravity you had lamented ?
You brought forth the wooden image of your
Saint and he was borne about in folemn procejjion on
the jkmlders of men, to work a miracle in the re-
formation of a finful people ; you founded a plea
for the wildeft fchemes, that ever entered the head
of a dreamer, on a fpirit of rebellion and riot in
your fubjedti ^ the charge was refuted, beyond a
poffibility of credit. Yet unwilling to reiign fo
many goodly plans, devifed with fuch labour and
exhibited with fuch felf-gratularion, you praftifed
the expedient of artful fportfmen, who let loofe
wild beajls by night into their groves and paftures,
that they may be hunted down for their honour
in the morning. Hoftile writers let before you
the ghaftly form of infamy ; it was ever pre-
fent,
PRANCERIANA. 219
lent, it glanced above, below, it hovered at your
right hand, and embittered the triumph of fuc-
cefsful guilt. You endeavoured to conjure down
the cruel intruder; you wrote, you fought ; the
phantom grew in flature every moment, and rofe
more and more dreadful from your efforts. What
remained ? you called to your aid fuch defenders,
zsfucb genius, fucb valour, fuch a name deferve,
and mould ever find. For your refractory fubjects
you had provided lofs of employments, obfcrvan-
ces, duties, attendances, forms, ceremonies, punctua-
lities, rigours, airs of grandeur, haughty looks,
harangues, infults, reprimands, reproaches, accu-
fations, informations, examinations, interrogations,
condemnations and cenfure. For foreign enemies,
your refpectable champions, your pratorian cohorts
have prepared combats, aflaults, ftratagems, am-
bufcade, captivity, outrage, wounds, torture, maim
and death. You had before, your fpies and in-
formers, your tale- bearers and whifperers $ the ad-
dition of hireling ruffians has compleated the equi-
page of tyranny. Happy is the oppreflbr who
can command the harlot valour of fome ready
gladiator, whofe face is againft every man, who
is eager to ftrike, on or without any provocation,
and whofe obfequioui arm can butcher, without
compunction, principle or diilinction, in any
quarrel.
Evilfpirits are faid to vanifh in a peal of thunder
or a cloud of fulphur. The late riot, foftered by
L 2 your
220 P R A N C E R I A N A.
your fmile, atchieved under your aufpices, defend-
ed by your authority, may be confidered as a folemn
aft of taking leave, a notification of your exit
from the political hemifphere, for you have there-
by fealed a, formal refignation of your influence,
and rendered it impojfible for any of your fubjedb
who retains the Jlighteft regard for decency, to fup-
port an adminiflration, fo tyrannical, fo out-
rageous, fo fhamelefs, fo lawlefs, fo ridiculous, fo
foolifh and fo odious.
Farewel, Hipparchus ! in my addrefles to you,
I have confidered myfelf as performing a facrifice
to juflice. The talk was difgufting, though ufe-
fal. There is no pleafure in tracing little cunning
through its windings ; in following ambitious
folly through its excurfions ; or repelling the claims
of ridiculous vanity. There is no pleafure in mark-
ing the failings and the crimes of a weak head,
joined with a corrupt heart j there is no pleafure
in beholding to what a wretched degree of bafenefs
human nature may be depraved ;- there is no
pleafure in anatomizing the putrid carcafe of a
monfter.
CHARIDEMUS.
PRANCERIANA.
No 35. Monday, February 27, 1775,
Proximus ardet Ucalegon. V i R G .
TO THE CITIZENS OF DUBLIN.
Friends and Countrymen,
IN the refentment you have fhewn againft, and
the ferious notice f you have taken of a late
daring outrage, you have manifefted that attention to
the publick good, which becomes virtuous, and that
regard
f* A poft aflembly having been fummoned to meet at the
Tholfel, to take into confideration the late dangerous and dar-
ing outrage committed by a fatty of the ftudents of Trinity
college ; the following fpirited refohitions were propofed, aji4
unanimcajjy agreed to :
RESOLVE E), That the late outrage committed by fomc o/
the ftudents of Trinity college, on the perlbn of pur fellow
citizen, Mr. ftlichael Mills, printer, is a daring attack upon,
the natural rights of mankind, a violent breach of our laws,
and an high affront to the police of this city.
RESOLVED, That as the confequences which may arift
from thefe daring rioters efcaping juftice are of the moft dread,
ful nature, that the fum of FIFTY POUNDS be offered for
the apprehending EMANUEL THOMPSON, a ftudent in Trinity
college,.
222 PRANCERIANA.
regard to your own welfare, which becomes wife
men. May the fame fpirit animate and direct your
counfels on this important occafion. Such an atro-
cious violation of law and police, confidered merely
in
college, and one of the principal leaders in the late riot ; and
that the fum of TWENTY GUINEAS be offered for each and
every of the other perfons concerned. [This refolution was
.rendered ufelefs by an order from the board of aldermen.]
RESOLVED, As the collegiate punishment inflicted on the
faid Emanuel Thompfon (who was convicted before the board of
being principally active in the late riot and affault againft our
fellow citizen, Mr. Mills) amounted only to a /light reprimand
for the offence againft the college ; and as the terms in which
that reprimand was conveyed, evidently countenanced the
crime againft the CITY, that a committee be appointed to
draw up an addrefs to the vifitors of the college, requeuing that
the proceedings of the board of fellows held on Tuefday the
I4th of February, inft. as far as they relate to an outrage againft
the peace of this city, may be taken into their graces confidera-
tion ; and that fuch cenfure may be pafled, and fuch meafures
adopted, in the puniftiment of the offenders, as (by rigour and
juftice) may preferve order and regularity in the college, deter
from future outrages any of the ftudentsof the univerfity, and
thereby fecure domeftick peace to the city of Dublin.
RESOLVED, That the thanks of this houfe be given to
the right hon. the lord mayor, for his applying 40 the provoft
of Trinity college, to obtain that right boti. gentleman 's afiift-
ance in rinding out, by calling over the roll, fuch of the ftu-
dents under his care as were concerned in the daring and dan-
gerous outrage againft the faid Mr. Michael Mills, of Capel-
ftreet, although his lordfhip had the mortification to meet a
refufal, and that the DISCHARGE of his DUTY in that refpecT:
Was INEFFECTUAL.
The
P R A N C E R I A N A. 213
in itfelf, might well deferve your fevereft animad-
verfion ; but the attending circumrtances render it
an affair of an alarming nature indeed. The natio-
nal feat of education ; that venerable depofuory
where the honefty and virtue of your children were
placed
The board of aldermen, immediately after the laft refolu-
tion was carried, fent down the petition of the commons, with
the following order annexed to it.
The lord mayor and board of aldermen, confiderinp the out-
rages lately committed on fome citizens, by a body of the ftu-
dents of Trinity college, in conjunction with feveral other
perfons, and particularly, one made on the houfe and perfon of
Michael Mills, Printer, and a freeman of this city, to be of
the moft dangerous tendency, a moft evil example, and an high
infuk to the police and good government of this city, do hereby
offer the Aim of twenty guineas, as a reward for each and every
of the firft three perfons who fhall be hereafter (within tbres
months) difcovered, apprehended and profecuted to conviction
for the faid riot and affault; and, that a proclamation for this
purpofe, be forthwith iflued ; and herein, defire the concur-
rence of the iheriffs and commons. In which faid refolution,
the flieriffs and commons did concur.
A refolution was then made and carried unanimoufly that
the order be piinted, and the boa;d agreed.
A motion was then made and carried, that the addrefs to tb,e
vifitars be read ; and it was accordingly read as follows .
To their graces the lord primate and lord archbifhop of Dub-
lin, vifitors of Trinity college, near Dublin.
May it pleafe your graces,
WE the lord mayor, aldermen, flierifr's, commons and citi-
zens of Dublin, having the higbeft confidence in your graces
wifdom and virtue, and conceiving ourfelves to be deeply inte-
rerted
224 P R A N C E R I A N A.
placed (as it were) in bank, to be drawn forth with
intereft, in due feafon j that feminary from whence
the fond parent hoped to call his child, filled with
the generous fentiments, and adorned with the libe-
ral attainments, which fit men for becoming guar-
dians of the lives, properties or morals of their fel-
low citizens, has fent forth ruffians to aftonifh the
publick and difgrace human nature, by the moil fa-
vage cruelty. The riot to which I allude wants
every circumftance which might palliate, though
not excufe fuch an offence ; it was not the outrage
of a moment ; the infenjible unconfcious cruelty of in-
toxication ; it was not the quarrel of p fello-iv-flu-
dent, where private friendfhip might have been
pleaded j it was a fcheme of cowardly barbarity, de-
liberately executed by Jiratagem on a Jingle, peaceable,
defencelefs citizen, in the fobriety of malice, by a
number
reftedin whatever may relate to the welfare of our univerfity,
not only as members of the community in general, ani concern-
ed in the education of the youth of this kingdom, but particu-
larly earneft for the advantage and dignity of that univerfity,
having contributed liberally to its original eftablifhment ; and
our lord mayors having in time paft, been its vifitors ; do hold
it incumbent on us, at this time, to entreat your graces inter-
pofition to prevent a continuance of the daring outrages of late
committed by certain ftudents of the univerfity.
Had we no other objel of confideration but the fafety of
our perfons, the laws of the land in which we live would give
us fuffident fecurity, by punifliing fuch atrocious offenders
with feverity ; but as we wifli to maintain mutual love and
harmony between our fellow citizens and the gentlemen of the
univerfity, we requeft your graces will enquire whether fome
innovations
PRANCERIANA. 225
number of ruffians evidently hired to proteft the ho-
nour of an infamous man, by the terrors of an affaf-
fination. Had the crime been punifhed by thofe
who were enabled to do fo by their authority, and
bound by their duty and their oath,, your interpoii-
L 5 tion.
innovations have not taken place in the government of the
college.
Until very lately her governors were anxious to fupprefs, and
ad~Uve to punifh any mifdemeanor of her members j and while
the important care of the univerfity was entrufted to a perfon
acquainted with collegiate matters, your graces triennial vifita-
tions were rendered almoft unneceffary ; but, fince the direc-
tion of the college has fallen into un-academic hands, the irre-
gularity of the ftudents has exceeded all bounds; we there-
fore moft earneftly entreat your graces that, for the prefervation
of the peace, for the welfare of the kingdom, and for the ho-
nour of the univerfity, you will hold a vifitation, endeavour to
bring to light the caufes and abettors of the many outrages
committed j and that (let the perfons concerned be of what
rank or ftation foever) you will have them removed ; and that
your graces will be pleafed to take fuch other effectual methods,
as to your wifdoms fhall feepi meet, to prevent the confequences
fo much to be dreaded from the prefent ftate of the univerfity.
This addrefs was received with unanimity by the houfe; but.
the board of aldermen having broke up, it could not then have
their concurrence, and was therefore, with the third refolution,,
poftponed.
In a few days after thefe refolutions were entered into j his
grace the archbifliop of Dublin (one of the vifitorsj took his -
fon and another young gentleman of confiderable fortune,
Mr. St. G , out of the college, and fent them to Cam--
bridge.
726 P R A N C E R I A N A.
tion had appeared laudable, but not neceffary ; and
the feat of learning had appeared able to fupport
herfelf, to maintain her own difciplirje, and prefel-ve
the mora's of her fludents. The governor of our
feat of learning, by protecting thefe bravoes of his
life guard, publickly avowing his approbation of
fuch outrages, and in mockery of difcipline, and
contempt of decency, publishing a libel on the in-
jured perfon by way of punijbing the injury, has de-
itroyed the police and good order of the commu-
nity ; and the licentious and profligate are afTured
not only of countenance, but rewards from the head
of the ftate ; and by paying him tytbe of their riots,
may purchafe a full abfolution and immunity from
peaceful rules, and an eternal jubilee of outiage.
Public infamy made vail and daily demands on the
fcanty credit of a bankrupt administration ; in fuch
a defpair of virtue, fuch an impetuous, ceafelefs run
of difgraces, this unhappy corrupt man hoped toy?-
lence thofe whom he could not anfiver he refolved
to try every thing, catch at every thing, hazard every
thing ; to eftablifh a band of defperadoes to riot him
into credit, and awe the importunate and refractory
by the dread of perfonal violence. The moft aban-
doned of his fabjeds were lured into the fervice by
the promife of literary honours, of the ranks and de-
grees which \\treformerly to be obtained only by a
proficiency in their appointed courfe of ftudy, and
they continue to fill the community with outrage and
dillurbance. Thefe wretches have been allowed or
rather commanded to poft up libeh and threats of out-
rage
P R A N C E R I A N A. 227
rage and violence on the walls of a learned city ;
the tyrant fets on his dogs, to hunt the popular elec-
tors, that when they turn he may feize them for
victims. He hopes, that his creatures may, by in-
fults, irritate his opponents to fome act of violence ;
and with eager malice waits to exert or drain the
rigour of the law, and banifh them from his domi-
nions ; nor will the evil flop here ; the example of
the governor and the court favourites will foon taint
the whole body j the feat of learning will become
a feat of war; your ftreets will be filled with arm-
ed rioters ; your theatres and places of publick
amufement become fields of combat ; the inoffen-
five citizen will be unfafe under his own roof; and
the innocent virgin under the wing of her parents.
The whole kingdom is concerned in the good go-
vernment and welfare of the national feat of educa-
tion more deeply than appears at firft ; even the
meaneft artizan, the poorelt cottager, is interefted, ,
as he wifhes to find an honeft and liberal employer,
or an upright and merciful landlord or mafter, as he
wifhes to eat his hard-earned morfel in quiet, and
find himfelf fafe from brutal outrage : for if oar
youth be formed,after the example of their governor,
to become tyrants and flaves, the confequences mult
foon be felt through all orders of men ; befides, the
abfurdities and excefles of its governor, mull bring
our place of education into contempt, and caufe
perfons of fortune to fend their children to foreign
feats of learning, to the great injury of the kingdom
-in the conftant drain of money, and defiruftion of
all,
228 P R A N C E R I A N A.
all attachment to their native country in the prin-
cipal families. Nor muft you hope to redrefs or
prevent thefe mifchiefs ; or fee difcipline, peace, or
juftice, in the fociety in queftion, while ic remains
under its prefent head. A man, who importuned
an elettor \ for his voice, and on a refufal, impu-
dently interrogated him, with the haughtinefs of a
judge to a felon, concerning his connections, and
the private family affairs of his father ; and in
fcandalous avowal of the moft illegal and indecent
intrigues, //oW-down in a paper, the refult of the
examination. A man, who, when his heart dilated
at the convivial moment with the confcioufnefs of
his merit, boafted of having infulted and reproached
your reprefemative ; $ his fuperior in age, and,
without the leail panegyric on the virtue or infor-
mation of that citizen, infinitely, beyond all degrees
of companion, his fuperior in integrity and learn-
ing. What difcipline, or police, can be maintained
in a date whofe governor has openly patronized a
riot, and employs a band of ruffians to infult and
menace the obnoxious ? What peace, while the ty-
rant and his minions purfue the moft iniquitous
fchemes, and pcrfecute with the moft envenomed
rancour all who not only oppofe but refufe to con-
cur in their meafures ? What juftice, when a man
of approved, mature want of principle, honour, and
humanity, armed with very arbitrary power by the
laws
t Mr.
^ Dr. Cl 1, whom the provoft boafted that he had repri.
manded for negledttng one day to go to chapel.
P R A N C E R I A N A. 129
laws of the fociety he governs, has avowed his in-
tentions of influencing an election ? Your children
will be deprived of inducements to learning ; their
minds will be perverted with corrupt and flavifh.
principles ; and the offices and honours which were
appointe'd as the rewards of merit, will be proftitut-
ed, and become incentives to fervility, badges of
depravity, and wages of diflionour. You are called
upon by your own honour, by the love you bear
your children, and the duty you owe your country
to roufe yourfelves on this occafion. Lay your com-
plaints before the throne ; addrefs the viceroy j re-
quell, that this corrupt and incapable governor,
whofe ignorance can only be furpafled by his iniquity,
may be removed from the regency he difhonours.
The appointment offuch a man, though lefs alarm-
ing in appearance, was more fatal to the kingdom
than the moft oppreffive tax, the moil ruinous ftatute.
Taxes can, at worft, but make you beggars ; and
you may have a hops of being eaied from them by
the virtue and wifdom of a future fenate. The molt
pernicious laws can, at worft, but deilroy your com-
merce, and render you unfafe in your perfons and
properties ; and you may have fome profpeft of
their being repealed. But the appointment of fuch
a governor over your place of education was intend-
ed to involve you in deftruftion, without hope of
remedy was aimed to cut off the virtue and ho-
nour of the riling generation, and their lateft pofte-
rity, at a blow.
CHARIDEMUS.
No. 36.
230 PRANCERIANA.
cfrcfcofocfccfaofrcfccfc*
No. 36. Wednefday, March I, 1775.
TO VERRES, PROCONSUL OFMACEDON.
THE charge of folly may, perhaps, fall on
complaints and reproaches addrclled to the
ftatefman loft to remorfe and fliame, who finds in
green old age the vigour of youth to do mifchief,
without its bonefl feelings to reclaim him. ' The
phlegm of y~ur temper, Verres* the principled fer-
vility, the habitual, veteran depravity, and the hy-
pocritical rigour, may be reftraimd by the pen of
fatire, when the peftilence is flayed at the bidding
of the phyfician, or the comet at the voice of the
aftronomer : yet the ufelefs remonftrances of the
prefent may gratify the curiofity of the future ge-
neration, and afford fpeculation to the philofopher,
by (hewing what the corrupt governor can inflict
and the patient province bear. To render you a
more ufeful engine in the hands of a tyrant, the
prejudices of education concurred with the bafenefs
of nature; and had the path of freedom and virtue
been equally profitable, you would (like a true
have toiled on [in the crooked ways of
fervility,.,
PRANCERIANA. 231
fervility, and given a gratuitous fupport to tyranny.
From an anceftor who was the fecret enemy of the
rights and liberties of his fellow citizens, who con-
fpired to betray the glory and integrity of his coun-
try, and ftain her with difhoneft, difhonourable peace
in the midft of conqueft, and who was numbered by
a nation among the traitors who fought to fubvert
her religion and her laws, and reftore the banimed
Julian family, you derived hereditary tenets and
modes of chinking, which have rendered you cor-
rupt, as well from principle as intereft, and en-
titled you to the fmiles of your emperor. A pro-
found genius for government is beft fhewn in the
choice of proper minifters and instruments ; and
never did prince poflefs this talent in a more emi-
nent degree than Tiberius Ctefar ; he has learned to
defpife the vulgar requifites of a miniiler, and dif-
covered that the unprincipled, the libertine, the
ignorant, the low-born, the bafe, and the infamous,
will moil readily pay that obedience which is fo ne-
ceflary to the vigour of government. Our fagacious
emperor has honoured with his confidence a fet of
men, whom princes of I.efs ability would have fear-
ed ; for he wifely judged, that while from religious
and political opinions they were enemies to his fa-
miiy and perfon, they muft from the fame caufe be
the firmeft friend to his fyftem of government.
Csefar difcovered in you the talents for governing;
and never fhall Verrcs difgrace the fagacity of his
royal matter. You feledled for your miniiler Cal-
vus, the cencurion, a man whofe education was fu it-
able
232 P R A N C E R I A N A.
able to the meannefs of his birth, and the humility
of his hopes whofe bafenefs of nature juflified the
obfcurity in which he had long remained whofe
fhare in your favour renders but more fignal the
contempt he meets with from the reft of the world
whofe pitiful abilities are calculated in one re-
fpeft for villainy, as they may render it unfufpeRed*
and throw men from their guard whole prudence
is gloomy cunning whofe dignity unfocial male-
volence whofe learning dark and crooked machi-
nations whofe reputation vindictive rancour, and
whofe politicks the petty tricks of a marking pawn-
broker or ufurer* a man who enjoys power without
being refpedlable, and while hediipenfesdignitiesand
honours, remains bafe and abjedl- who is hated and
defpifed even by the people who are led by his arts
who works in fecret to difleminate the corruption of
his own heart ; as fome malignant fpirit veils himfelf
in darknefs, while he fends abroad the peftilence.
You faw that this man wanted the ufual requifites
of a minifter learning, eloquence, reputable birth
extenfive connections, popular manners, and even
convivial talents ; but you faw in hir.i endowments
congenial to your own retired, fullen artifice,
grave auflerity, with contempt of decency, gloom,
phlegm, avarice, and meannefs. Sent to ruin a de-
voted province, refolved to crufh the family pride of
the haughty leaders, you commanded them to fall
down and worfliip, not the golden image which the
king fet up, but the heap of mud which you moulded
with your own hands into a fhapelefs emblem of au-r
thority.
P R A N C E R I A N A. 233
thority. In this regular fcheme of deftru&ion, the
fubverfion of Epirus, the feat of education, was a
leading branch ; and you purfued the mojt effeSlual
means to accomplilh it, by your choice of a te-
trarcb.
You fought for a man, the moft eminently Jifqua-
///W in the kingdom of Macedon (perhaps in the
Roman empire) and you have been fucc efsful to your
utmoft wifh ; you found Hipparcbus, whofe birth
promifed bafenefs, whofe man hood _/^/f//&/ the pro-
mife, whofe more advanced years afforded zfuperero-
gation of iniquity ; a man who with a mind too
attire to remain in inoffenfive/g-0/v7f, too <vjeak to
i-eafony/?/y, gathered from the writings of the fopb-
ifts a contempt for the eftablimed <vjorjhip, and all
that the Greeks hold moft facred. Without family
honour to be maintained ; without the honeft pride
derived from a virtuous anceftry ; with obfcurity of
birth to render neceflary the honours a court can
bellow, and vanity to feel their full importance. A
man who avowedly retailed his infamy, and drove
an open, fhamelefs trajpck with his compliances ; a
foreftaller in fervility, who while he forfook the
venal tribe for Jbort and rare intervals, merely to
enhance his wages, rendered himfelf more odious,
contemptible and guilty, by znajfeftation of publick
fpirit. A man who burlefqued patriotifm, made in-
dependence feem fabulous, and rendered vinue/uf-
picioui, while he fupported the caufe of his country,
only to injure it the more, by railing the market
price
234 PRANCERIANA.
price of corruption. A blafphemer who pronounced
the name of virtue only to infuk her, and profeiTed a
regard to his country with his lips, while his heart
was far from her. At fome happy hour, when/m?-
c onfular majefty was fhrouded in the bailiff's hut;
when your grave minion found the reward of his
publick labours and his publick virtues in the cbajte
fmiles of an eafy fair one ; and the clemency and
chriftian charity of a pious, ancient, ceremonious go-
vernor, did not difdain the humble dwelling of fe-
male frailty ; his three guardian fpirits planned the
grandeur of Hipparchus. They fa t in judgment on
his paft life ; they found it unftained by any trace
of good ; any fcrupulous waverings ; any weak de-
viations into virtue or decency ; they fet him to
rule a feminary, of which he had mown a contempt
and hatred by fending his fon for education to a fo-
reign land. Yet his conduct has furpafled rhe moft
fanguine expectations ; and fhould his endeavours
fucceed to his wiih, the ftate he governs may foon be
fitted for beftowing a proper education moral and
martial on a child of Hipparchus. The firft care of
Hipparchas was to debafe the priefthood, by mewing
what a depth of malice and iniquity it could afford.
He placed at his right hand a man who fhames his
facred function, and renders profeffions of piety
abominable, by uniting them with thofe vices which
want the palliation of appetite, and are unconnected
with goodnefs of heart, gentlenefs of nature, and
foftnefs of manners. With the affiftance of this
minifter, he fearched among the profligate and
needy
P R A N C E R I A N A. 235
needy forffies; he fmiled on them, gave them their
leflbns, and fent them forth to interrupt or betray
the freedom of intercourfe, mutual confidence, ge-
nerous opennefs, and honeft boldnefs, which Ihould
ever prevail among men of letters. To deftroy the
commerce of afFeftion, which mould ever fubfift be-
tvveen the teacher and ftudent, he next endeavoured
to debafe the office of preceptor with practices as
infamous and illegal as ever difgraced a follower of
the law in a country corporation ; nd he found
one fool, fo ambitious to be a villain, fo eager to
burn his incenfe before the leaden form of Moloch,
that he fet fire to the temple, and feared the wor-
Ihippers. His next care was to change the pre-
fcriptive diipofal of offices, and make employments
in the flate inftruments of oppreffion, or wages of
corruption. An outrageous man was by an outrage
palmed on the people, and violently obtruded (for
the moft iniquitous purpofes) into an employment,
which might give him power to harrafs the refrac-
tory, and exert an undue influence on the electors
officially. To reward his creatures, intimidate the
fcru/'U/ous, allure the covetous and punifh the _/?#-
born, half his fubjefts were robbed of the pofts, to
which in juftice and decency they were entitled,
that he might reward the pious director of his con*
frience with a fhamelefs accumulation of emolu-
ments. To break the fpirits of his undutiful fub-
jecls ; the native petulance which (in hopes of con-
verts) had foamed, champed and curvetted in
bridled, enforced, managed civility, foon rulhed
away
z 3 6 P R A N C E R I A N A.
away in magifterial harangue, reproach and infult.
This man has endeavoured with an unwearied dili-
gence and reftlefs activity, which can only be equal-
led by their fuccefs, to render himfelf odious and
ridiculous, and injure his country. The profeffion
of an advocate, the government of a confiderable
ftate, and the vocation of a minifterial drudge,
might afford employment enough to Jill, and infamy
enough to content an ordinary mind. The fenate-
houfe, the courts of juftice, the walls of his own city
might afford as many and notable occafions of
mewing malevolence, vanity, folly, ignorance, and
inability, as a reafonable man could defire ; but, the
vaft ambition of Hipparcbus (infatiable as his ava-
ricf) grows by gratification, and aims at a prodigi-
ous portentous infamy, before unknown and uncon-
ceivable. He thinks his labours too light, the
witneffes of his fhame too few ; and finds leifure
in the midft of pleadings doubly laborious from ig-
norance of law, minifterial machinations, fchemes of
reformation, oppreffion, and perfecution, for the po-
lite toils of compofition. The prefs too teems with
monuments of his genius and -virtues ; and he ap~
peals to the whole empire for a certificate of fhame.
He feared that the memory of hisfol/y might perifh
with the fchemes it diftated, and immortalized
it with eloquence all his otvn. His 'virtues how-
ever require no fuch' blazon ; their fame mu ft be
Jailing as the injuries for which his country is in-
debted to him. He ftudioujly endeavoured to make
their feat of education vile in the fight of the
people
PRANCERIANA. 237
people by falfe and malicious infinuations, and he
cajually obtained his defire by the Jlyle and compo-
Jition of his writings ; which ( like the writer )
unite mcannefs with an attempt at dignity, and be-
come more vile and contemptible from an affec-
tation of excellence. His fchemes and his literary
labours had now (as we imagined) fixed the her-
culean pillars, beyond which it was impoffible to
find a region of abfurdity. We were foon unde-
ceived ; when a learnedy/^f, from the hallowed
feat of-juftice, told us that our ruler was a. public
nuifance, a violator of peace and civil order, a
rebel againft the laws, an author of guilty ex-
ample to the rifing generation. When we found
the man, to whofe care the education and protection
of the youth of a nation was entrufted, like a
hot-brained boy proud of his new fword, a tavern
trawler, a midnight rioter, the bully of a gaming
table, or the bravo of an harlot, throwing out
menaces of violence, and engaged in a combat
(in his own defpite) for which nothing could have
given him courage, but the tempting profpedl of
injuring his country, and the alluring intrinfic ab-
furdity of the meafure. The courage of this man
is exaftly like his fatriotifm j he hopes to find the
reputation of virtue in hypocrify, and to pafs
for hero by becoming Ruffian. The defcent of a
man who falls into infamy and guilt (like that of
a body to the earth) is accelerated every moment,
Hipparchus not only fcandalized and injured the
ftate he was fent to govern, by foolifh and pernici-
238 P R A N C E R I A N A.
ous fchemes, but fliewed himfelf the bafe and con'
temptibleym'^&r in their defence ; not fufficient-
ly ridiculous in the character of a pamphleteer,
this matter of furprizes came forth, to the aftonifh-
ment of the world, a duellijt ; not content with the
laurels reaped by fas Jingle arm, he muttered a band
of rioters, and fent them to proclaim his virtues, by
fuch an outrage as is fcarcely credible in a civilized,
feldom feen in the moft barbarous ftate ; and not
fatisficd with the oblique rays which this affair re-
flefted on him, he fet himfelf in a confpicuous point
of view, where its whole luftre converged. He and
his minions at the council defended thejuftice of the
aftion, protected the aftors, and forced to yield to
zjligbt punimment, one who added to the crime
of rioting the fending a challenge ; he converted
a ceremony intended for the maintenance of difci-
pline into an exhortation to outrage ; and inftead of
an admonition to a rioter, the fubjecls of Hipparchus
heard a libel on a peaceable, injured citizen, and a
panegyrick on riots.
In what a refpeftable and uncommon light the
governor of a learned community appears ! Sur-
rounded by his myrmidons, the moft unhappy aban-
doned youths of the ftate ; his pallid countenance,
deadly, maliciou*, and marked with anguifli, like
that of (omefe/on who has juft expired on the rack,
faintly enlivened with a malignant joy : and his
baneful eye glaring on the faithful ruffians with the
dim, fickly, malignant flame of an unwholfome
meteor
P R A N C E R I A N A. 241
From rival wits and witlings fore,
The rhyming prank I long forebore ;
The malice of a thanklefs age
My pinions dipt, reftrain'd my rage,
To profe confin'd me for a time,
And brought afoberebb of rhyme;
But fee the maid again attend,
To fing my brother and my friend ;
Again the fpring-tidc wave o'erflows,
With profe in verfe or verfe in profe.
A thoufand bards thy praife endite,
But I the fubject claim, by right;
What bard can celebrate like me
Purfuits in which we both agree ?
From Gorge expecl the deathlefs name ;
The proper poet of thy fame.
Alike our ftudies and our arts,
With equal genius different hearts,
Dur fouls with flame congenial glow ;
\nd ah ! congenial fates we know.
vVith equal dngnity and praife,
fou wear the olive, I the bays ;
\like by cruel Fortune hurl'd,
To buffet with an envious world,
)ppreft with injuries and wrongs,
Midft evil days and evil tongues ;
Vhile taunting ridicule purfues
'RANCERO'S fcheines, and Howard's mufe,
Vhile merit wakes an envious tribe,
1'he poet's theme, the witlings gibe.
M Both
242 P R A N C E R I A N A.
Both fkill'd to rein the manag'd deed ;
And both renown'd for warlike deed ;
But you with piftols take the field,
While I the polifh'd rapier wield :
You dar'd an author to the fight,
An author-printer f own'd my might j
Here too the parallel we find ;
I dar'd the lame, and you the blind.
Proje&ors both and mighty planners ;
Both men of fine and polifh'd manners,
Alike adorn a viceroy's court,
With iiudied bow and graceful port ;
With happy airs with labourM cafe,
And courtly Stanhope's fkill to pieafe.
'Tis your's in fenate-houfe to ftiine,
In meeting of attornies mine.
Both writers of no mean degree,
You profe profefs, I poetry ;
Behind the maid I boldly ride,
Who fits on Pegafus aftride ;
While you're content to walk the ftree,t,
With her who trudges on her feet.
Both doom'd to wield the lucklefs pen,
'Midft fland'rous tribes of little men j
You fchemes for Alma's youth indite,
I rules lor young attornies write.
Criticks in building, planting, writing,
AdmirM for reading, and reciting j
While
* Mr. Doyle, who publi/hed an addrefsto the elcftars of
tha univerfity, in November 1774.
t George Faulkner, printer of the Dublin Journal.
P R A N C E R I A N A. 243
While Alma's fons to fpeak you train,
I for their ufe fupply the fcene.
Soon may thy theatre arife !
Thrice welcome fight to Howard's eyes.
There (hall my injur'd mufe have room,
And there my heroes find a tomb ;
There fliall Almeyda tread the ftage,
And there my Rival monarchs rage ;
There, while a nation crowds to hear,
Shall j0# and /the bufkin wear ;
You tread the ftage you built, my friend !
And I perform the part I penn'd.
Return we to our parallel,
The points wherein we both excel.
Both boaft the fumptuous houfe, and plate,
The fplendid board, the lordly ftate ;
And each fupreme Mecenas fits,
To deal out ivy to the wits.
In tbis I own we difagree,
And blockheads give the palm to me ;
I've fomewhaiTnore of legal Ikill,
And fome few honeil fcruples ftill ;
While you, I muft allow perforce,
Are higher in Ambition's courfe ;
Twin brothers of refembling face,
Yet boafting each a feparate grace ;
The pleas' d fpeftator's eye we ftrike,
With features difFrent yet alike.
Alas, my brother and my friend !
What cares, what toils thy age attend !
M 2 Why,
3 4 4 P R A N C E R I A N A.
Why, brother, did thy noble zeal
So ftrongly glow for Alma's weal ?
Why would'fl thou rifque thy eafe and fame,
A moody murm'ring race to tame ?
To guide their wayward erring voice,
And kindly over-rule their choice,
To quell the rebel, votes to feek,
And know the toils of reading Greek.
As when a youngfter unaware,
Has mounted on a (kittim mare,
While now the vixen ftarts and prances,
Now kicks, now retrograde advances j
Legs, arms, fatigu'd, and head full addle,
He wifhes Satan in the faddle ;
Prancer on Alma's crupper mounted,
For toll by many a fool was counted ;
Yet Diall he (though the jade uncivil
Kicks, tears, and plunges, like a devil)
Trot on befpatier'd but unhurt,
Amidft an atmofphere of dirt ;
To NONSENSE happy province, guide her,
And long and luftily beftride her.
Or as when cat of mighty foul,
Is fet adrift in wooden bowl i
Adrift on ftranger element,
In wooden bark is Hely fent ;
The element, our feat of learning,
The wooden bowl his own diicerning ;
Yet fliall he brittle up his tail,
And fpit at dogs that bark and rail,'
At
PRANCERIANA. 245
At Dionyfius* witty court,
(So heav'n ordain'd to make him fport) -
There dwelt, of /hallo w-pated fame,
A courtier Damocles his name
This man juft faw the flcin of things,
And thought no mortals bleft like kings.
* O what the joy, my liege ! (fays he)
* To be a monarch great like thee ;
* To fleep on purple, eat in plate,
* And live in luxury and ftate ;
' Thus to be prais'd, and flatter'd ftill,
* And have a nation at one's will ;
' Thoufands attending on my leifure ;
' Thoufands employ'd to give me pleafure*'
The kingloll'd out a gibing tongue
For well he knew the fool was wrong ;
And winking to fome wags {food nigh ;
' Would you the joys of empire try ?
' Well to the trial I agree
' Be 'for a week a king like me.
' My crown, my fceptre I refign,
* My throne my guards, they all are thine.'
When kings command 'tis faid and done.
Lo ! Damocles upon the throne,
As big he look'd as Dublin's may'r,
Or Hely in the provoft's chair.
SiciliaVyouth to read he teaches,
He fummon'd boards, he utter'd fpeeches,
He altered laws, he publifh'd books,
And dealt preferment in his looks ;
He
246 P R A N C E R I A N A.
He fpeaks and lefturers are chairs ;
He nods lo ! Sicily at prayers.
He had his proje&s, and difguifes,
His hints, his whifpers, lies, furmifes ;
His tools, his flatt'rers, fpies and flaves,
Buffoons, informers, liars, braves ;
And chofc a rev'rend calm advifer,
A pious prieft, to make him wifer.
With flatt'ry ply'd from morn to noon,
He griev'd his reign muft end fo foon.
Oh, what the tranfports monarchs prove.
Blefs me ! what's that I fee above f
(For o'er him by a fingle hair,
That trembl'd at each breath of air,
A fword as vaft and weighty hung,
As e'er at belt of giant fwung)
If this be empire faith ! Til none.;
* Pluto for me may fill the throne.
* Take, Sir, I beg you take your pain
* Your fceptre and your fword again.
* No more their pomp to kings I grudge ;
4 Make me a bifhop, or a judge/
No Damocles, my friend art thou >
That, even thy enemies allow :
No meddling, vain, officious fool,
Betray'd by ignorance, to rale,
And venture rafhly on a throne,
Its duties and its cares unknown.'
No 'twas no little love of felf,.
No thirft for grandeur, powV, and pelf,
No
PRANCERIANA. 247
No paltry, minifterial end,
That made thee wim to reign, my friend !
But 'twas thy love for /peaking, 'writing,
Devotion, horfemanjbip, and fighting.
And never flialt thou fhun the pains,
The toils that wait on him who reigns ;
Ne'er of thy talents Alma cheat,
But for thy country's fake be great.
Yet jhould thy weary age defire,
To place of {lumber to retire,
Should'ft thou unfinifh'd fchemes refign,
And on the feat of juftice fhine ;
With equal genius, equal knowledge,
Shall I fucceed and rule the college.
Yes in your place mail Gorgy fhine,
Succeffor by a right divine,
Your brother and adopted fon,
To end what you've fo well begun.
Who can fo well compleat your aims ?
As one who glows with kindred flames.
Who can a birth-day fpeech reward
Like me, an ancient birth-day bard ?
I'll train the youth in glory's road,
To pen, not only fpeech but ode ;
Strains that a viceroy's ear may fill,
Or through a full rotunda thrill.
Farewel my chairmen wait below,
This moment I'll to levee go,
To crave at old Sir Simon's hand,
A trifling, but a juft demand j
That
248 P R A N C E R I A N A.
That when you gain the chancellor's mace,
I may be provoft in your place.
Engrafted thus on Alma's name,
Together fliall we fpring to fame ;
As crab and medlar fcions grow,
Like brothers on one apple-bough.
Or as twin bladders pufFd with wind,
By truant fchool-boy left behind,
Together held by packthread bond,
Sail with the ftream in union fond,
So Gorge and Hely, fide by fide,
Shall down the tide of glory ride.
G. E, H.
No. 38.
PRANCERIANA. 249
No. 38. Wednefday, March 8, 1775.
Me, naked me t to pofts, to pumpt they draw,
To jbame etefnal, or eternal law. Po v E .
THE Editor is extremely concerned at his
being unable to gratify the curiofity of the
Publick with the remainder of the authentick and
entertaining memoirs of Mrs. College *, as the copy
was, by an unlucky miftake, fold to a pailry cook
or tobacconift, along with fome rheams of a hiftory
of Ireland. He has, however, commenced a dili-
gent fearch through the paftry and muff fhops, in
hopes of recovering the copy ; and earneftly re-
quefts, that gentlemen who find Fragments of this
Work in envelopes of any commodity, will fend
them to the chambers of the Editor, No. 64, at the
old fide of the ne-iv or HA R COURT fquare in Tri-
nity college, that they may appear in a 2d Edition.
The Contents of a few Chapters were preferved,
and are here fubjoined.
CHAP,
* See the firft Chap, of thefe Memoirs, No. ag.
2 S o P R A N C E R I A N A.
CHAP. II.
Jack Prance*t quarrel with Sir Gregory Goo r equill,
and the caufes of it Sir Gregory fends a challenge
to r jack t who (in imitation cf Cato'i reading the
Ph*&n of P!ato before he killed hi mfe'f) reads
Fletcher's Comedy of -re LJTTLK FRENCH LAW-
YER, on the night preceding the combat.
CHAP. III.
Sexakcl Blac kletter the Printer, and a fet of un-
lucky beys, amufe thcmfelves with throwing the
fun on Jack from a mirror Jack breaks his nofe
againft BezaleePs rubrick-poft, and vows revenge
Doctor Pcm/<o/o,ever obfequious to the wiflies of his
friends, puts on a green apron, goes difguifed like a
faufage-man, with a bafket on his (boulder, and
fells poifoned black-puddings to the Printer.
CHAP. IV.
This fcheme of well-concerted vengeance mif-
carries, by a cat's unluckily eating the puddings
and Jack difappointed in his attempt, refolves to
add the lion's fang to the fox's tail He hires a mob
to feize the offender, and proves to them the juftice,
legality
PRANCE. R IAN A. 251
legality and humanity of the undertaking, in a moft
eloquent harangue.
CHAP. V.
The cavalcade fets out on this grand enterprize -
it is joined by doftor Dilemma and Billy Slabbering-
bib, difguifed like chimney -fweepers, and doftor
Pompofo in the habit of a news-hawker all ftrata-
gems in war arc lawful ; Bezaleel is feized, carried
off in triumph, arraigned, condemned, and fen-
tenced to the difcipline of the Pump.
CHAP. VI.
The ceremony of pumping defcribed, with a
hiflorical diflertion on it's antiquity and origin, by
doftor Pompofo Bezaleel is folemnly tried, con-
demned and admonijbed * for wafting the water of
the fchool, by being pumped.
CHAP. VII.
JACK PRANCE becomes univerfally odious and
contemptible Juftice JBook-ivorm -f recommends it
to
An old joker, who in all the ballads and jeft books of thofe
times is called Slack PJsil, being told that Jack had admoniflied
Blackletter, on account of his being pumped, " Weil ! Well !
fays he, let him take care of himfelf } if he fcuuid throw any
ratre reflections upon Prance, he will certainly expe! him."
f If we may credit the hiftories of thofe tiroes, there did not
fubfift any very cordial affection between Jack and this gentle-
man*
252 P R A N C E R I A N A.
to the grand-jury at the quarter-feffions, to preftnt
him as a nuifance-&nd Jack vows he'll get a vote
pafled againft him in vefiry The people petition
the royal infpeflors of the fchool to remove Jack
They make anfwer, that the fchool ftinks in the
nofes of the people ; that they will vifit it imme-
diately, and fet all things to rights All the nobi-
lity and gentry remove their fons from the fchool,
and fend them to foreign countries Jack Prance,
defeated in all his fchemes, particularly in his fa-
vourite one of procuring his fon Dicky to be elefted
one of the monitors of the fchool, hangs himfelf
Dodlor Dilemma, after ftudying the fpeech of Anthony
on Casfar, pronounces his funeral oration The
boys make a great bonefire Doctor Allwortty, one
of the oldeft ufhers of the fchool, a man of the moft
amiable character, and of profound learning, par-
ticularly
man. Being alked whether he had read a panegyrick which
Jack had written on himfelf (full of bad Englifli and Prancer-
ifms) called the Complete Scboolmafler, or CbHeTt Guide ; Aye,
aye, fays Bookworm, I have ; really his friends ought to be very
careful of him ; the poor gentleman has got a flying gout about
him they ought to endeavour to keep it in his feet. A young
gentleman of the bar having fpoken fomewhat longer than
ufual before the fame juftice, he told the barrifter, after the
rifing of the court, that he was glad to fee him appear to fuch
advantage ; but having had a regard for his father, he would
venture to give him a little advice " Never, my good friend,
make long fpeeches; it has indeed done well enough with
H n (a nickname that Jack went by) but you fee how mi-
ferably it has fucceeded with Fedy F d.
P R A N C E R I A N A. 253
ticularly in the mathematical branches, is appointed
mafter of the fchool Univerfal rejoicings through-
out the kingdom on the news being fpread that
Jack Prance had put an end to himfelf The fchool
reftored to its former reputation and all the gentry
bring back their children.
FINIS.
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