5I8Z 
 
 1719 
 
 Gordon 
 
 An Apology for the 
 Danger of the Church
 
 4 a \j I or a = 
 
 UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY 
 
 ■■I 
 
 ■ . ' ' 1
 
 A N 
 
 APOLOGY 
 
 FOR THE 
 
 Danger of the Church 
 
 That the ChUrch is, and ought to> 
 be always in 'Danger ; and that it 
 would be dangerous for her to be out 
 of Danger. 
 
 Being a Second Part of the Apology for 
 farfon cAL'BERONL 
 
 ''' — " i f ' « "" ' i '" i ' ' ' i , '' I ' li n-r . t . '' Vj 
 
 *By the fame aAuthor, 
 
 Tettus inaniter angitj 
 Irritar, mulcet, falfis Terroribus tmplet, 
 Ut Magus. 
 
 Hor. Epift. i. Lib. 2. 
 
 Wfa jfoptty cfc&iefoit 
 
 LONJbO tf; 
 
 printed for J. %obcrts, near the Oxford- Jrttis iff 
 
 Warwick- Untt 1719* (Price 6 d.)
 
 I ■ 
 
 wv*. '■*?&>* h^>
 
 A N 
 
 APOLOGY 
 
 FOR THE 
 
 Danger of the Church, 
 
 H E Profpect: of doing great and 
 ufcful Actions, or the Confidera- 
 tion of having done them, muft 
 needs be Matter of Pleafure and 
 Triumph to a Mind honeftiy 
 ambitious. It is therefore no 
 little Joy to me to reflsd, that 
 I have been a Perfon of notable Moment and 
 Significancy this Winter j by my ftrenuous De- 
 fence of High-Church, and the Trade thereof I 
 have placed its true Sons and Overfeers in a 
 true Light, in which every one may behold them, 
 and bow down with his Face to the Earth. 
 
 As all pious Deeds meet with fome Reward 
 either in the internal Satisfaction of the Mind, or 
 from the Monuments of Praife eroded by Man- 
 kind to the Doer, I have no Reaiou *c fay that 
 
 A 2 
 
 ! €54701
 
 ( 4") 
 
 my late Apology went without its Recompence 5 
 fmce by it I have gain'd, what I fincerely aim'd 
 at, to the Genuine Vriefihood all due Honour, and 
 
 jo my felf 1 — — . But it becomes me who 
 
 am but a private Gentleman, to ferve my Country 
 for nothing. 
 
 There' is, however, fome good Fortune gene- 
 rally attending the brave Man who draws in De- 
 fence of the Church. She is a lucky old Body, 
 and few find Caufe to repent of having done her 
 a good Turn. I my felt, her weak tho' volun- 
 tary Champion, am two Pair of Shoes and a Bea- 
 ver the richer, for wearing out three Pens, and 
 exhaufting a Halfp' worth of Ink in her Service. 
 I ftill want a Sword-knot, and a Tooth-pick- cafe, 
 which I make no Queftion of earning in a few 
 Days from the Steeple. I have for that Purpofe, 
 at fhjs yery Juncture, feventeen Pamphlets in my 
 Head, all carved out into proper Method and 
 Paragraphs, and ten of them are already fold to 
 my Bookfeller, who purchafes my Brains at fo 
 much a Sheet. I would willingly fell him the 
 other feven, and throw two or three little ones 
 into the Bargain ; but he (hakes his Ears, and 
 (eems to fay, be has ventured enough already. 
 
 In this Manner is my pregnant Head become 
 an Office of Wit and Manufcripts, to be em- 
 ploy'd wholly in the Intereft of the Sacred Brood 
 of Aaron. 
 
 Purfuant to this I have a Project now on Foot, 
 which, if jjluly encouraged, will tend to the uni- 
 ¥erfal Credit and Emolument of this diftrefs'd 
 Church. In- fhort, it is my Purpofe toexpbfe my 
 Head, and the Furniture thereof, to Sale by 
 Auction, at St. Paul's Chapter- houfe, on the 
 30th of May next ; ar which Time and Place, I 
 &<> hereby humbly hope and beg/ the Prefence 
 
 and
 
 (5) 
 
 and Encouragement of all the Reverend Zealots 
 within this Realm. The Particulars are as fol- 
 lows. 
 
 A CATALOGUE 
 
 Of unborn Pamphlets, and Satyrs, to be pub- 
 lifh'd as foon as they are brought forth, for the 
 Benefit of our Mother- Church, and her hopeful 
 Boys, the Parfons. 
 
 Imprimis, The Nature and Neceffity of an Ec- 
 clefiaftical Delirium, or the Art of holy Foam- 
 ing. Written in the Stile of the eloquenc 
 Dr. S /. 
 
 %. The holy Monopoly •, or a new Convey- 
 ance of an old Grant, fign'd and feal'd above \ 
 proving the Clergy to be the natural Lords of all 
 the Women and Land in Great Britain, and the 
 
 rightful Occupiers of both, in Spite of all Lay. 
 
 and Rent-Rolls whatfoever.- *- A valuable 
 
 pamphlet ! 
 
 ;. The Tribe of Iffachar • or an Argument to 
 prove that the Laity have a Right to no Liberty, 
 put that of being Slaves to the Clergy. To 
 which is added, an Appendix, proving that the 
 Parfons ought to govern the World. 
 
 4. The Modern Paradox ; or a Demonftration 
 that Ungodlinefs may be orthodox, and a good 
 Life damnable. The whole being intended for 
 
 a Defence of the Reverend Dr. 5- /, and 
 
 a Reproof to Mr. Whifton. 
 
 $\ The Truth of Contradi&ion •, or Church- 
 Anthmetick, demonstrating, That three u one, and 
 one u three. 
 
 6. The Unreafonablenefs of underftanding the 
 Scripture. 
 
 7. The abfolute Neceffity of underftanding 
 our Duty to the Clergy. 
 
 8. The Innocence of Perjury and Rebellion, 
 on one Side, 9. A
 
 («) 
 
 9« A plain Proof that Laymen may lawfully 
 commit Sin, if they will pay for it, and kneel 
 for Pardon to the Clergy. 
 
 There are feveral more MSS. of the like Na- 
 ture and Tendency, which may be feen at the 
 Place of Sale, with the Price mark'd upon them. 
 
 1 have already confefled, that my humble At- 
 tempts to ferve the Church have not altogether 
 miffed their Recompence ; and if the late blejfed 
 Martyr, Jemmy Shepherd, with fome other ortho- 
 dox Gentlemen, who fought and were hang'd foe 
 the Church, did not fare fo merrily, it was be- 
 caufe the Clergy were not confulted and obey'd, 
 as queftionlefs they ought to have been. But 
 thus it will ever be, while the King and Parlia- 
 ment are fufferd to ad independently on the Con- 
 vocation. 
 
 Since therefore I have fucceeded in my honeft 
 Endeavours, to fet up the Parfons as the Idols of 
 the Univerfe, I cannot, in Gratitude to them 
 and my felf, forbear purfuing my Blow, till I 
 have fatiated their holy Leachery, and Mr. Leflieh 
 Prophefy, by perfuading Mankind, to fall down 
 before them, ivith their Faces to the. Earth, and lick up 
 the Duft of their Feet. And when I have once 
 obliged the Lay Gibeonites to be as refpeBful and 
 miserable as becomes them s the Clergy and I will 
 fit down together, and facrifice to Wine and 
 Tobacco. 
 
 In the mean while it fhall be my prefent Task 
 to confound Gainfayers, by proving, That the 
 Church is, and ought to be in Danger, and that it would 
 be dangerous for her to be out of Danger. 
 
 Bur before I proceed, I muft, for my own Se- 
 curity from Cavillers, and for the greater Clear- 
 nefsof my Difcourfe 3 fettle the Idea which I and 
 all Men ought to have of the Church, by denning 
 
 the
 
 (7) 
 
 the Word; The Church then, *r a fable Society of 
 Gentlemen, wearing broad Hats and deep Garments * 
 •who poffefs great part of the Wealth and Power of the 
 World, and would have All, as a Reward for keeping 
 Mankind in decent Ignorance and Bondage. 
 
 And now I enter upon my Defign, with great 
 Alacrity of Heart. 
 
 I own the Gofpel makes this Story of the 
 Church's Danger a meer Fable ,• but be it alfo 
 known, that tho' our Saviour fays the Gates of 
 Hell lhall not prevail againft it, our Parfins will 
 not take his Word for it. I am forry with all my 
 Heart, for the great Mifunderftanding and Dif- 
 ference which there are between Jefus Chrift and 
 his Ambaffadors, almoft in every Point of Belief 
 and Pra&ice ; and, I confefs, it is very odd, that 
 they who pretend all their Power to be from him, 
 ihould not credit his moft folemn Promifes j but 
 I fee no Remedy for thefe Things. 
 
 I that am a Layman, find great Comfort in be- 
 ing a Chriftian and a Believer ; and particularly 
 I am fo much of a Heretick, as to think, that 
 when our Saviour faid his Father was greater than 
 he, he did not tell a Word of a Lie ; i know his 
 Ambaffadors are of another Opinion ; but I 
 have Faith in Chrift Jefus. 
 
 The Danger of the Church comes from divers 
 Caufes, the principal of which I (hall reckon up. 
 
 And firft, common Senfe and Sobriety are 
 great Enemies to the Church. While Folks are 
 lober and rational, they can fee about them, and 
 want that large Competency of Blindnefs which 
 fo eminently qualifies a Man for a good Church- 
 man. So long as they are deftitute of that Title 
 to Orthodoxy, they will be attending to the Means 
 of their own Inteieft and Safety, than which no 
 greater Rubi can be thrown in the Prieithood's 
 Way. No*
 
 Not many Years ago, when we were beating 
 our Enemies, and defending our felves and £«- 
 rope from Chains ; when Succefs and Reputation 
 attended us abroad, and we flourifh'd in Peace, 
 and Security at home \ an ignorant Perfon would 
 think we were a happy People, and indeed we 
 were To : But what then ? Our Happinefs, Vir- 
 tue, and Concord, were not only utterly incon- 
 fiftent with the Welfare of the Church ,• but put 
 it into terrible Danger: And therefore all her 
 true Sons bent their whole \light and Zeal to re- 
 lieve her by diftra&ing the Nation ; and their 
 pious and fiery Endeavours, at laft, made the 
 People mad, and the Church fafe. Its ftrongeft 
 Votaries, the ingenious Vulgar, drank away their 
 Reafon and Humanity, and committed Bloodftied 
 and Blafphemy, every where, for the Church, 
 with vaft Zeal and Succefs ; and the Church ga* 
 ther'd raoft Strength when Religion and Reafon 
 had leaft. As for thofe Fanatical fober Rogues, 
 that kept their Senfes, they were devoutly knock'd 
 down by thofe who were fo Orthodox as to have 
 none. At this blejfed JunBure the Clergy had the" 
 Happinefs to fee more Blood and Beer drawn for 
 the Church, than ever had been before on any 
 Occafioh whatfoever. And ic is always an infal- 
 lible Sign of the Church's Health and Profperity, 
 when the Bufinefs of Excife-men and Surgeons 
 increafes beyond meafure. 
 
 It will fall naturally under this tiead, to obferve 
 who are the Church's beft and ftancheft Friends. 
 
 And in the firft Place, there are many No6Ie 
 Lords, who are born Friends to the Churchy and live 
 and die in that Friendlhip. There is the little 
 Lord Jpemore, who has beftow'd his whole Heart 
 upon Parfons and Race-Horfes. He knows no- 
 ting elfe, and, happily for the Church, cares 
 
 hi
 
 (9) 
 
 for nothing elfe. He feems, with Sr. Francis, to 
 be an implacable Foe to all human Knowledge 
 and Charity ; but he can fay the Atbanaftan Creed, 
 drink Damnation to the Whigs, and is upon the 
 whole a compleat Church-man. Lord Apemore 
 was once Drinking a Health to his Horfe Frede- 
 rick, and among thofe who heard it, it went 
 round ; but when it came to the turn of a Whig 
 in Company to drink, he being thick of Hear- 
 ing, miftook, and, throwing up his H3t with 
 loyal Noife and Affection, drank Prince Frederick. 
 Upon which the Peer, rinVig from his Seat, Dam 
 me, Sir, what <f ye mean, Sir ? Dam me, Sir, d' yt 
 know where you are, Str ? Dam me, Sir, we know 
 no Prince Frederick here, Sir ; and Dam- me, Sir, we 
 are drinking a bttter Maris Health, Sir. This ex- 
 cellent Speech has gain'd his Lordfhipthe Repu- 
 tation of a Wit, and a brave Man, among all the 
 Parfons and 'Squires round the Country. 
 
 Corfulus is another right Honourable Perfon, 
 who hasi>een a true Church -man from his Cradle. 
 To a Concujfion in that Machine it is thought he is 
 indebted for his Orthodox Principles, and his Secu- 
 rity from the dangerous Influenc e of human Rea- 
 fon. 1 could give ample Proofs of this, but his 
 Lordfhip through the whole Courfe of his Life 
 has done it to my hand. He makes a Joke of the 
 King's Title, and of his own Oath to maintain 
 it ; he is as honourably ignorant as becomes a 
 Great Perfonage and a true Church-man, and he 
 never goes to Bed without (wallowing eight 
 Quarts, and as many Thoufand Oaths. Let the 
 World judge if this Man be not a cordial and ap- 
 proved Friend to the Hierarchy. 
 
 The Lord Syntax is pa ft Forty, and has all the 
 Rules of Grammar by Heart -, but notwithstand- 
 ing this great Accomplifhmenr, the Cawl is not yet 
 
 B taken
 
 ( io) 
 
 taken off bis Face, and he is ftill a Minor. But be- 
 ing a Babe in common Senfe, he is confequently 
 a refolute High Church-man. 
 
 Lord Gemini doeslikewife demand honourable 
 mention on this Occafion. Nature was very neg- 
 ligent when fhe made this Great Man, for he is 
 an unfinifh'd Piece of brown Earthy and his Mind (if 
 he has one) tallies exa&ly to his Outfide. He can- 
 not (hut his Mouth, nor hold his Tongue. How- 
 ever, half made as he is, hekJull of bright Zeal; 
 and, when he is in the Houje, he feems to mean 
 feverai Speeches for the Church, but no Mortal 
 is fo well bred as to hear him : And yet, his 
 Mouth, as I faid, being always ready open, he 
 proceeds eternally. 
 
 I confefs that Earl Talman, tho* he is a Church- 
 man, wants two effential Qualifications for that 
 Character : He has Senfe, and he is never drunk. 
 But, quoth Cato y who had not a due Refpeft for 
 Triejihood and Tyranny : Solus C<efar ad evertendant 
 Rempublicam fobrius advenit. To be juft to Earl 
 Taiwan, I grant he was twice a Whig upon valua- 
 ble Considerations, and once out of a Pique. But 
 at prefent he is a great Church-man, becaufe he 
 has not a proper Reafon to be otherwife. 
 
 Lord Bowling-Green is no Fool neither, nay he 
 was a Wit and a Writer during the Life of a great 
 Poet, whofe Death had fuch an Effe# upon him, 
 that he has not writ a Linefince. But, tho' the 
 Peer has Senfe, yet it happens fo oddly, that he 
 is a true Church-man: But malicious People pre- 
 tend to give you a Reafon for it, by alledging 
 that he leans towards Infidelity. If this be true, 
 the thing is not at all ftrange. 
 
 I was going on with my Characters of this fort, 
 butlmuft remember that I have not now time to 
 write a Folio. 
 
 From
 
 CO 
 
 From what has been faid, I hope it is evident 
 why moft of our Rural Squires and Purfuers of 
 Foxes are excellent High Church-men. Thefe 
 married Minors are all under the Dominion of 
 their Wives and the Parfons, who regale one ano- 
 ther with Caudle and Orthodoxy, and fo firth, 
 and govern thefe fimple Vehicles of Worfhip and 
 Nonfenfe, and mould their Hearts and their Heads 
 into what Faith and Figure they pleafe. And it 
 muft be acknowledged, to the Honour of thefe 
 genuine Gentlemen, that they have an admirable 
 Knack at Planting Orthodoxy in all its Branches, 
 where«ever they come. 
 
 Andrew la Fool, Efq; keeps fpecial Beer, and 
 has a Wife who loves the Church and all its Tac- 
 kle. Andrew never dines without feven Parfons 
 at his Elbow^ 
 
 'Squire Toby lived in a married State nine Years 
 without Iffue ; he at length took a Chaplain into 
 his Houfe, and now his Wife is with Child. See, 
 fays Toby, the Blejfing that attends the keeping of a 
 Clergy -man in ones Houfe! And yet, but to fleafe my 
 Wife, I had not done it. 
 
 I am far from being furpriz'd that our Rural 
 Members vote on all Occafions for the Church. 
 Is not filial Duty a potent Reafon ? And is there 
 no Gratitude, nor Affe&ion, due to the <yood 
 Men who brought them probably into tr.e 
 World, and certainly into the Houfe .• For, our 
 Country Candidates have an A^ent, to be fure, 
 if not a Father, in every Parifh in the County, 
 who carries ail the Votes in the Village under his 
 Girdle. 
 
 Nor are thefe Sons of the CaiTock, laft men- 
 tioned, a*,y more rebellious in their Capacity 
 than in their Inclinations. Their pious and con- 
 venient Ignorance is a certain Pledge for their 
 
 B 2 Zeal,
 
 (12 ) 
 
 Zeal, and thefe two are perpetually of a fizc 
 As to the Behaviou* and Practice of thefe Le- 
 vitical Cubs, it is the eafieft Task in the World ; 
 Their whole Bufinefs is to be drunk and Orthodox. 
 
 Having now (hewn why fo many Lords and 
 Commons are true Church-men, I need fay no- 
 thing of the Rabble, fince they are fo for the 
 fame Reafon, and therefore 'tis no wonder the 
 Church has fuch a Majority amongft them- The 
 Church, if the Mob forfake it, is undone. 
 
 Hence it is that for good and pious Ends I have, 
 as Council for the Clergy, drawn the following 
 Deed of Conveyance, which, I do not doubc, 
 will be readily ftgn'd and feal'd by the Parties 
 concern'd. The Purporc of it is to enrich the 
 Chnrch-Intereft with a Multitude of Perfons 
 whom the Whigs may well fpare. 
 
 ' Whereas there are divers and fundry well- 
 c meaning ignorant Perfons in this Land, who 
 
 * call themfelves Whigs, and yet want the neceiTa- 
 
 * ry Marks and Qualifications belonging to that 
 c Character, which is maintain'd by a good Vnder~ 
 € (landing, and by a powerful Lov» for Truth and 
 c Liberty, and, in general, by ajuft Senjc of Things ? 
 
 * And whereas the aforefaid good and fenflefs 
 
 * Perfons do originally and naturally belong to 
 c the Oafs of true Church-men, whofe Cau(e has 
 
 * from the beginning been fupported by Number 
 ' and Nonfenfe ; We therefore whofe Names are 
 
 * hereunto fubferibed, taking into our tender 
 c Confideration the Intereft of the Clergy, do, 
 
 * as Reprefcntatives of the whole Body of Whigs 
 ' in Gnat Britain, by thefe Prefents, renounce, 
 
 * reieafe, 'ni for ever quit our Claim, to all 
 
 * Boobies ?nd Idiots who may have run blindly 
 
 * into our Party ; And we do hereby freely, and 
 
 * of our own meer Motion, refign and make over 
 
 * the
 
 C'J) 
 
 ' the faid Fools and Naturals -unto the High 
 
 * Church of England, whofe prober Goods and 
 
 * Chatties they are, the faid Church knowing 
 
 * full well how to apply the Blindnefs and Stupi- 
 ' dity of them the faid Affes to admirable and 
 
 * Orthodox Ends and Purpofes. Witnefs our 
 ' Hands, &c. x 
 
 A. B. cum Sociis fuls. 
 
 I have but one Scruple upon my Confcience 
 in relation to this Grant of mine in Behalf of the 
 Church. I doubt it will obftruft the Bill for Pre 
 venting the Growth of Peerage, if ever it mould come 
 in again : And, on the contrary, make many 
 new Creations neceflary to fill up the Vacancies 
 ic will occafion. But let our Superiors look to 
 that. The Church in the mean while ought to 
 pray fervemly for Succefs to fuch a Bill ; for if it 
 pafs, I will be bold to prophefy, that fifty Years 
 hence the whole Houfe, at leaft a great Majority, 
 will be genuine Church-men •, unlefs the fame be firft 
 rendred intirely empty by a rigorous Execution of 
 this my Conveyance. 
 
 Another traiterous Enemy to the Church hath 
 been the Weather. 
 
 When that remarkable Phenomenon appear'd about 
 three Years fince, every one that had Orthodox 
 Eyes faw Armies and Champions in the Air, 
 brandifhing their Broad Swords, and threatning 
 prefent Death and Deftru&ion to all Fanaticks 
 and Low Church-men ,• yet fo it fhamefully hap- 
 pens, that that Caravan of Tvry-Clouds has neither 
 brought over the Pretender, nor (truck any other 
 Blow on the Church's fide. 
 
 The Wind likewife plaid the Truant from the 
 Church, and in fpight of the Prophefies and 
 Prayers of all the Paribnsaud o\h»r old Women in 
 
 the
 
 ( '4) 
 
 the Nation, Sir George Bing's Fleet was not funk. 
 One would naturally take the Sea, by its Noife 
 and Roaring, to be an Orthodox Perfon ; but, by 
 its late great Civilities to our Ships, it feems to 
 have quite deferted the Church-Intereft, and 
 tack'd about to the Whigs. 
 
 I happen'd to be down in Ejjex about the time 
 when Sir John Norris was fent into the Baltick to 
 detain the moderate and pious King of Sweden 
 from that Expedition, from which our Church 
 expscled great Salvation, as the Reverend Mr. 
 
 7* zealoufly phras'd it, and on Sunday I went 
 
 to Church. Our Parfon, after taking his Text, 
 and making a Flourifh or two about the Meaning 
 ©f it, told us, that tho* the Doom denounced a- 
 gainft the Ships of Tar[hifh and the ISLES, was 
 an old Prophefy, it might probably, nay it did 
 certainly extend much further, and we were en- 
 courag'd to hope great Effe&s from it, in this 
 our day. Ton (liall fee, fays he, and I [peak it from 
 the Mouth of Infpiration it felf, you fiall fuddenly fee 
 the Wonders of the Lord in the Deep. Can the Al- 
 mighty profper thofe Ships that are the "Bulwarks of 
 Ujurpation , Commonwealths and Schifm ? No, he 
 cannot, he muft not, if he be true to his own Word, if 
 he has any Regard for his own Church and People. His 
 whole Sermon was to the like Purpofe, and he 
 feem'd to have ftrong and Chriftian Hopes that our 
 Navy would psrifh. But notwithstanding thifc 
 he preach'd and foam'd with wonderful Zeal, and 
 vented great Eloquence and Spittle ; and not- 
 wuhftanding that he threaten'd the Lord, if he 
 did nor grant a Tempeft ; and the People, if they 
 dii not pray for it 5 yet neither God nor the 
 Weather obey'd him, and Sir John and his Squa- 
 dron went in Safety. 
 
 In
 
 ( '5 ) 
 
 In fhort, there has not been a Blaft of Wind, 
 or a Shower of Rain thefe five Years, but what 
 has been drawn, Head over Heel s, into the Party 
 and Intereft of the Church. It thunder'd for the 
 Church, and fnow'd for the Church, and froze 
 for the Church. And yet the Whigs who have 
 got all the Money in the Nation, have fo bribed 
 the Elements, that they have quite forfook the 
 Catholick Caufe. We had laft Summer, very 
 hot Weather, which in the Opinion of all the 
 Orthcdox, boded nothing lefs to the Nation, than 
 a general Famine and Peftilence, for the Martyr- 
 dom of the b'ejjed Martyr, and the keeping out of 
 the Pretender. But thefe pefiilential Friends of the 
 Church, though earneftly wifh'd for, and pofi- 
 tively foretold, have not done the Church the 
 leaft Service, by laying wafte their native Coun- 
 try. How often was the King's Army to have 
 been frozen up in Scotland, during the late Rebel- 
 lion, and moft of the Parfons in the Kingdom 
 had pawn'd their Word and Faith upon it. But 
 in the Iflue, neither the Froft nor the Snow help'd 
 the Church and the Pretender. 
 
 In laft Autumn Word was brought to the Par- 
 fon of a certain Parifh, that fuch a Boy in the 
 Village was juft then kill'd with Thunder and 
 Lightning. Is be ? fays the Parfbn, It is what I 
 always foretold, that that Boy would come to a difmal 
 End, for he went conjlantly to a fanatick Conventicle ; 
 and neither 1 nor his School-mafier could dijjwade h'm 
 from it. Ay, but Sir, reply 'd the MefTengcr, who 
 brought the Doctor chefe glad Tidings, Gaffer 
 Pitchfork is murdered too, with thick Jame toady 
 Clap of Thunder , and you do know, Sir, he was a 
 Main Man for the Church, and fcught brave'/ for 
 putting up the Mayp ,le. Ac this the Doftor fcracch'd 
 his Head, and laid, it w appointed to all Men once 
 to die. My
 
 ( i6 ) 
 
 My Landlady at Hartly Row, who is a good 
 Churchwoman, and very great with the Parfon 
 of the Parifh, is well allured, that the late Meteor 
 is a viftble Judgment upon us, for our putting down the 
 Convocation, as flie calls it. I hope, when his 
 Majefty hears this, he will fummon the Parfons 
 again, to fave us from Comets and Lightning, and 
 to rebuke the Nation once more for Infidelity, in 
 not believing in them, and alfo to convince the 
 Bifliop of Bangor, by cenfuring him. 
 
 What Pity is this, that neither the Clouds, nor 
 the Sun, nor the Moon, nor the Stars, nor any 
 Thing above them, can be brought to favour the 
 Caufe of the Church ! 
 
 Providence is Hkewife, I fear, become an Ene- 
 my to High- Church j for it difappoints her on all 
 Occafions. 
 
 At a Time when* her Foundations feemM to be 
 laid deep, and her Defigns ripe for Execution, 
 on an unlucky Firft of Augu(t, the Church's Nurfe 
 died, and the Babe fainted. All the holy Trea- 
 chery and Violence, ufed then by the Church's 
 Friends, and all their feafonable Violations of 
 Treaties and Oaths, were for that Bout urcerly 
 toft, and their Confcience and Honefty thrown 
 away to no Purpofe. 
 
 This was an unkind Difcourtefy, which I fear 
 they will never forgive, and yet in about a Year's 
 Time after-wards, the Church was play'd ano- 
 ther flippery Trick, as bad as the former, by the 
 removing out of this mortal Life a Monarch 
 who was Champion and Gladiator in chief for our 
 Orthodox Clergy. 
 
 Relying on the Faith of Treaties abroad, and 
 the Obligation of Oaths at home, we were quite 
 deftkute of Forces, when the late Earl of Mar, by 
 rebelling againft his Maker and his King, in Fa- 
 vour
 
 ( 17 ) 
 vour of Popery and the Church, became the Dar- 
 ling of our genuine Parfons, who prefently voted 
 him a righteous Inftrument in the Hand of Frovi- 
 dence y to bring in the Pretender, and refcue them 
 from the infupportable Ties of Faith and Morali- 
 ty, a Burthen which neither they nor their Vredecejfors 
 ever would bear. And it muft be own'd, they had 
 then a tempting Opportunity to avow publickly 
 their long and conftant Perjury and Expectations, 
 without any apparent Danger of temporal Lofs 
 (a Consideration always uppermoft with them) 
 and yet they were fo cautious as only to mutter; 
 their Hopes privately to all the World- 
 
 The fame French Forces which had fo long 
 contended the Prize with all Europe, had now no- 
 thing elfe to do but to break the Peace, and pleafe 
 the Parfons, and replant Tyranny and Roman 
 Orthodoxy amongft Us. 
 
 Here was now a pleafing Profpect for the 
 Church. Mar had a large Army of invincible High' 
 landers } a formidable Invafion from abroad daily 
 threatened us ; we had Tumults, Madnefs, Con- 
 fufion and Disaffection in every Parifh in the Na- 
 tion, and in every County a Rifing was fear'd 
 and expe&ed ; and in fhort, things were running 
 into a total DifTolution. So much had our peace* 
 jul Clergy done, and fo much had they to hope 
 from their own Doings. The Church was very 
 cock-a-hoop, and held up ks Head and crow'd. 
 By their Behaviour and Affurance, I dare pro- 
 nounce that thefe pious t°i ace- ma ken and Ambajja- 
 dors of the meek jcfus t would not have taken a 
 Compofition of three Parts in four of the Church- 
 Land for their Hopes of the Pretender and the 
 whole. They were even fure of their Point. 
 
 There is a Parfon in Somerfetftire (to name no 
 more) who from the Revolution had rav'd every 
 
 C Sua,
 
 (iS ) 
 
 Sunday with great Zeal and Devotion againft 
 Foreigners. He had fworn to King William, and 
 hated hirrij and fpread the fame Hatred through 
 the whole Parifh, every one of whom he had de- 
 bauch'd with Drunkennefs and Difloyalty. Up- 
 on his Majefty's Acceffion, he likewife fwore to 
 him and abus'd him, renewing with greater Vi- 
 rulence than ever his Imprecations upon Foreig- 
 ners. In one of his Sermons he had this Expref- 
 ffdtt i Suppofe the Time fhould come when wejball have 
 a King that does not under ft and the Common Prayer, 
 vthat think we will become of the poor Church t This 
 excellent Chriftian, when he thought the Invafi- 
 on and t)efolation, which he had long wilhed to 
 his native Country, were at hand, began to tell 
 his People, that there was a wide Difference between 
 fome Foreigners and others, and that as they ought to 
 abhor, and even deftroy, fuch of them as were the of en 
 or ftcret Enemies of the Church, fo it was their Duty to 
 honour and entertain, and even to divide their Subftance 
 with fuch Foreigners as came to fave it. This was 
 Hint enough, and the Doclrine was fo clear, that 
 a pretty young Girl ask'd her Mother, who had 
 as much Knowledge as her felf, Whether thefe brave 
 OutlanJifo Men would marry with us poor Englijh 
 Folk? 
 
 With fuch fort of Management it is no wonder 
 that the poor Orthodox Vulgar are work'd up 
 into the greateft Credulity and Rage. I have met 
 with fome of them who thought it no Sin to 
 murder the Hanoverians, for that, they faid, they 
 were Men- Eaters : And when I ask'd them how 
 they came to know fo much of the Hanoverians, 
 they anfwer*d, Ob, our Parfon has told us enough of 
 they 1 Nay, fome of them believe that his Maje- 
 fty eat up all the Children he ever had, except 
 the Prince, and they pretend to tell you how 
 
 His
 
 ( 19) 
 
 His Royal Highnefs was faved from the fame 
 Fate. 
 
 To fome of the Clergy alone appertains the fa- 
 cred Right of doing well by deceiving, and of 
 promoting Ruin, Ignorance and War for the 
 Prosperity of the Church ; and fuch are the Men 
 whom the Nation pays to propagate Truth and 
 Morality, and maintain Peace- 
 
 I will not here pretend to make an exa# Com- 
 putation and Comparison between the Number of 
 the well affe&ed and ill affeded Parts of the Cler- 
 gy ; but I am not at all appriz'd that I wrong 
 them, if I venture to fay, that not one in feven 
 of thefe confcientious Paftors open'd his Mouth 
 againft the late Rebellion in the Weftern Coun- 
 ties. 
 
 In the Pulpit they either fay nothing of his 
 prefent Majefty, or that which is much worfe 
 than nothing ; whereas in the late Reign they 
 were fo blafphemoufly loyal, that they feem'd to 
 have forgot Jefus Chrift, to preach up the 
 Q n. 
 
 But I was faying, that at one JunBure, I mean 
 during the Rebellion, the Hopes and Views of 
 our Genuine Clergy were in a promifing Pofture, 
 and very near fulfilling, and many of them were 
 fo difcerning as to fee the Finger of God in the 
 Rebellion, and they became Sureties every where 
 for Providence, that it would go through with 
 the Work which they had begun. But Providence 
 had deferred them, and has never returned fince. 
 
 And thus Providence refufes to aid, though fo 
 often commanded, the lntereft of Perjury and 
 Rebellion, though they are both fo evidently for 
 the Good of the Church. 
 
 1 do not know whether they may not, in their 
 private Junto's and Cabals, have come to a Refo- 
 
 C 2 lution,
 
 ( *0 ) 
 
 lutioft, that Providence is a Schifmatick ; and 
 the more, becaufe it is plain, that both Provi- 
 dence, and the Author of Providence, are irre- 
 claimable DhTenters from the Principles and Pra- 
 ctices of High- Church. They feem to be fo fen- 
 fible of this, that they have long fince difplac'd 
 the Almighty, as much as in them lies, from any 
 Power or Concernment in this World or the other, 
 having dubb'd themfelves Gods and Forgivers ; 
 and exercifing with Authority all the great Offi- 
 ces of Omnipotence. 
 
 The Bifhop of Bangor too, is the Occafion of 
 no fmall Terror to the Church, and in Confede- 
 racy with her mortal Foes ; marching, as he does, 
 at the Head of Truth, Reafon, Scripture and 
 Sincerity, and the like fanatical Fellows, who 
 have the Herefy and Impudence to efpoufe an 
 Intereft diametrically oppofite to that of the Con- 
 vocation. 
 
 This ill advis'd Bifliop is fo romantick and fro- 
 ward, as to think, that the Clergy ought to de- 
 part from feveral Points, which, though they are 
 bloody Antagonifts to the Spirit of the Gofpel, 
 yet do evidently tend to the Glory of the Church. 
 His Lcrdmip ridiculoufly believes, that when a 
 Man is a good Man, though in this Particular he 
 differs widely from the Parfons, yet God will have 
 Mercy upon him. But, to filerice this perverfe 
 Writer for ever, let him know that theft Clergy 
 have endeavoured to pluck God's own Keys out 
 of his Hands, and to hinder him from (hewing 
 Mercy, or opening Paradife, if he would. They 
 like Sim Cures fo well, that they have a Mi<d to 
 make the Almighty's Government a Sim Cure 
 too. Are not fuch Priefts brave Fellows, who 
 would make their Maker a Minor, snd them- 
 felves his Directors and Guardians?- When his 
 
 Lord-
 
 (21 ) 
 
 Lordlhip isinform'd of this, I hope he will drop 
 the Controverfy. 
 
 The Biftiop is alfo grievoufly deceiv'd in ano- 
 ther Inftance ; He is of Opinion that the Clergy 
 ought to be the Propagators and Defenders of 
 Liberty and the Gofpel. See here the Ignorance 
 of a Father of the Church ! He does not know 
 that Chriftianity may be at the laft Gafp, and 
 yet-the Church in a moft flourishing Condition. 
 
 1 could mention many more Miftakes of the 
 Bifliop's ,• and particularly he is fo ill a Church- 
 man, as to think there is fome Force in Oaths, 
 and that they who take them (hould not altogether 
 break them. But as his Lordlhip is out-voted, 
 upon this Article, by a vajl Majority of moft Or- 
 thodox Teachers, I take it he deferves no other 
 Confutation : Befides, this is a fort of Reafon- 
 ing which he is us'd to- 
 
 There is no doubt a very good Reafon to be 
 given, why thefe Reverend Examples of Truth 
 and Piety play with Oaths, and call upon the 
 tremendous Name of God to a Lie. They them- 
 felves fay it is for Bread, though fome others 
 think it is for Drink. However that be, it is plain 
 Perjury is but a fmall Fault, if any. Nowfup- 
 pofe His Majefty, taught by the Church, (hould 
 break his Oath, and fcize irs Pofleffions, I know 
 the Parfons are fo reafcntble a Sort of People, 
 that they would never upbraid His Majefty for 
 walking in tbeir Steps, and being forfworn. But 
 I doubr, His Majefty is fo much of a King, and 
 aChriftian, that he will never be brought to fol- 
 low his Clergy in this Path. 
 
 Before I luve done with this Head, I muft 
 give the Parfons one Caution. 1 beg them for the 
 Time ro come, never ro upbraid any Body with 
 the Practice of Occafional Conformity ; fince 
 
 probably
 
 ( «) 
 
 probably fome bitter Presbyterian, who does not 
 honour the Cloth, may give them to underftand, 
 that it is almofi as innocent to take the Church-Sacra- 
 ment for a Ylace y as it is to he forjworn for a Living, 
 The Happinefs of Mankind is moreover a 
 great and powerful Antagonift to the Church. 
 
 Here in England we enjoy fuch a (hameful 
 Share of Wealth and Liberty, that itisnoWon^ 
 der at all our Clergy are perpetually grumbling. 
 If we were but fo reafonable and orthodox as to 
 part with all our Subftance and Privileges to them, 
 it is almoft probable, that thefe our good Guides 
 to Mifery and Salvation, would grow content 
 and eafy, which it is impoffible for Men of their 
 Spirit and Pretentions to be ; fo long as we are 
 fo faucy and heterodox as to be rich and free. 
 
 In the Territories of the Church abroad, the 
 Priefts enjoy the great good Fortune of having 
 never a happy Layman under their Dominion ; 
 and having befide, the Power of Fire and Sword, 
 there is not a fingle Schifmatick, nor the Appear- 
 ance of Herefy and Knowledge amongft them ; 
 but Church-Affairs go on in a bleffed Courfe of 
 Tyranny, Sodomy, and Stupidity, without Rub 
 or Disturbance. Can any one wonder that our 
 zealous Clergy are tempted to an Imitation of 
 fuch a pious Pattern of genuine Church-Power and 
 Plenty, where the Bible is locked up, and the 
 Laity ftarve ? 
 
 The Nature of our Government and Conftitu- 
 tion, brings alfo no frnall Danger to the Church. 
 
 In this Country the Orthodox Clergy cannot ex- 
 communicate and damn a Man, but prefently the 
 Heterodox Law grants him a Replevin. Befides, 
 we have feveral other Bars to the Felicity of the 
 Church : We have a Parliament, and we have 
 Trade, and, which is worfe than ail, the Con- 
 vocation
 
 ( 2? ) 
 
 vocation cannot do what they pleafe, and the 
 King will not part with his Prerogative to pro- 
 rogue them. So that the Law on one Side, and 
 the Prerogative on the other, grind the poor Church 
 between the upper and the nether Mil ft one, as Mr. Leflie 
 emphatically complains. 
 
 There is one Inftance particularly, in which 
 the Prerogative bears hard upon the Church. The 
 Parfons, you muft know, to prove themfelves a 
 well-born People, go for their Parentage feven- 
 teen hundred Years backwards, and father them- 
 felves upon the A9o(lles. Now not being able to 
 prove this, either by Record, or Refemblance, they 
 have given Occafion to fome profane Folks to al- 
 ledge, that the Priefts muft needs be Baftards, 
 becau/e their Parents utterly difoivn them, and they 
 are kept by the Parijb. But they, on the other hand, 
 fcorning to part with their Apoftolick Birth, have 
 forged out a vaft Chain, long enough to hold t^n 
 Millions of Foxes, and this they call the Chain 
 of Succefjion ; one End of which is tied to the Apo* 
 files, and the other to themfelves • and it reaches 
 from Jerufalem to Lambeth, taking Rome in its 
 Way. This is an important, and even miraculous 
 Chain •, for, though it has frequently been broke, 
 and there are Gaps in it feventy Years long, yet 
 it has never been ence interrupted to this Day. It is 
 like Milton s Bridge, built by Siwand Death over the 
 Chaos, wonderful and inttifible. It is pity this Ca- 
 ble-rope of Succeflion mould lie thus incog, when, 
 in the Opinion of High-Church, the whole Hie- 
 rarchy hangs by it. It is, therefore, no wonder 
 they maintain it with moft Apoftolick Wrath and 
 Obftinacy. 
 
 But even here now, in the momentous Point of 
 Succeflion, the Prerogative breaks in upon the 
 CafTock, and the King ; who is but a Lay-man, 
 
 creates
 
 (•4) 
 
 creates Bifhops, and, by this A& of his, does, as 
 it were, beget Sons and Heirs to the Apoftles. This 
 is a fad Encroachment upon the Privileges of 
 the Parfons, who have, doubrlefs, a Divine Right 
 to breed each other. I know they pretend they ftill 
 chufe their Bilhops, and, on that Occafion mock 
 God with Prayers, as if they really did. Thus 
 an Apothecary's Boy, or an old Woman, by or- 
 der of the Do&or, adminiftersa Clyfter*, and, 
 if a Cure enfues, the Boy or the old Woman was, 
 forfooth, the Phyfician. 
 
 There are many other Faults in our Laws, in 
 Relation to the Church, of which the Priefthood. 
 have juft Reafon to complain. Smithfield is turn'd 
 into a meer Market, where Bullocks are butch- 
 er'd injiead of Hereticks, and the Clergy are never 
 again like to be complimented with a Burnt Offer- 
 ing from thence ,• and a DiiTenter may now be fo 
 faucy as to worfhip God, and the Parfon cannot 
 punifh him for it j and the Laity are fufrer'd to 
 believe, that the revealed Will of God is not hid ; 
 and thereis a dangerous Opinion prevailing among 
 us, that the Almighty "will not tumble us into Hell, for 
 Sincerity , and well-meaning: And, to add no more* 
 the Clergy have not the Government of all 
 Things. 
 
 The next Thing I (hall mention, which has 
 adminifter'd great Grief and Danger to the Church, 
 is, the High Duty upon French Wine and Brandy, 
 This Grievance is fufficient to make all the genuine 
 Tarfons in England Malecontents. For, though 
 they drink Malt Liquor in great Quantities, and 
 though that be of a windy Nature, and is a great 
 Help to Zeal, yet a Dram is the Life of Orthodoxy , 
 and Claret is clear Wit, to ufe their own waggim 
 Stile. I know a Parfon who drinks nothing but 
 Small Beer, and he is a Whig, as one may eafiiy 
 
 imagine.
 
 (*0 
 
 imagine, and unlefs he change his Liquor in Or- 
 der to change his Principles, he is like to conti- 
 nue a Whig till Doomfday. So much does the 
 Church lofe by a fiber Son ! 
 
 Another Caufe from which the genuine Church- 
 men are in great Danger, is, a Reformation of 
 Manners, which would ftrip them of many pret- 
 ty Liberties, and force upon them the Bitterness of 
 Morality, which is too ftrong Meat for tbefe Babes. 
 As Orthodoxy and Le-wdnefs are often the lovingeft 
 Neighbours in the World, it muft needs go to 
 their Heart to be parted. 
 
 In Popifh Countries, for Example, where the 
 Clergy often fall into fuch Carnal Crimes and Co- 
 pulations, as our fpotlefs Society of Saints here at home 
 do abhor ; Would it not be a heavy Judgment up- 
 on a pious ?rie(t to be ftripp'd at once of his Whore 
 and his Altar ? And then, Would not an Embargo 
 on Toping, in the fame Countries, have an Af- 
 pe& every Bit as terrible towards the Church ? 
 For, there are, beyond Sea, fuch Monfiers as drunk" 
 en Priefis ', though my Countrymen, who never 
 fee fuch Sights here in England, may imagine I 
 talk wildly. And now for an honed tipling Prie/t % 
 who would as freely fuffer Death as Thirft, to be 
 thus reformed out of his Bottle, and divorced from 
 his croney Barrel, would be downright Perfection, 
 and wound the Church through his Sides, 
 
 A Reformation is likewife fo tyrannical and 
 hard hearted, as to oblige the Clergy to live as if 
 there was really fomething in Religion, befide 
 Farce and Tithes j and it expe&s too that thefe fpi- 
 1 itual Militia, fhould be, at leaft, now and then 
 upon Duty, and not live idle above fix Days in 
 feven, and upon the feventh, not above nineteen 
 Hours in four and twenty. 
 
 P Befides,
 
 ( *6 ) 
 
 Befides, a Reformation would be for reviving 
 the Force of Scripture Laws, which bear Won- 
 drous hard upon the Clergy. I remember, par- 
 ticularly, the third Chapter to Timothy lays fuch 
 intolerable Injunctions and Reftraints upon them, 
 as muft needs be as far from the Liking of the ge- 
 nuine Parfons, as I am fure they are from their 
 Practice •, for the forefaid Chapter expects they" 
 lhould be no Brawlers, nor Strikers, nor greedy of filthy 
 Lucre, nor given to Wine ; nor lifted up -with Pride '• 
 hut, on the contrary, that they (Isould be blamelefsj vU 
 gilant,fober, of good Behaviour, and apt to teach *, and 
 I know not how many more Impoffibilities. 
 
 A Gehtleman in this City, whofe Heart is fet 
 upon a Reformation of Manners, gave me not 
 long ago, thdPerufalof his Creed, Out of which 
 I drew the following, dangerous Pofitions, and 
 now I publifli i them, that the genuine Clergy may 
 guard againfi them. 
 
 i. He believes that a Man may be faved by ad- 
 hering to naked Truth and plain Religion. 
 
 2. That it is not damnable, not to believe what 
 we cannot believe. 
 
 ;. That Chriftianity is as good a Man as Or- 
 thodoxy, javing the Judgment of the Clergy. 
 1 4. That it is poflible for a Paftor to have Grace 
 in his Heart, though he has ne'er a Rofe in his 
 Pat, and that he may tell Truth, and inftruct the 
 People, though he be not wrapped up in twenty 
 EUs of Holland. 
 
 * $, That an innocent Infant may be faved, with- 
 out a Parfon's dropping Water upon its Face. ; 
 : 6- That a well difpofed Perfon may eat Bread, 
 and drink Wine, in Remembrance of our Saviour's 
 Death, without the Prieft's Form of Words, which 
 yet do not change the Elements, which yet are a pro-i 
 fer Sacrifice, which yet is not Flejh and Blood. 
 r ••'■*'■"*. ' 7° Thsr.
 
 < 2 7) 
 
 7. That God may poflibly pardon a repenting 
 Sinner, though the Parfon do not abfolutely give 
 his Confent, and order him fo to do. 
 
 8. Thac a Man may venture to underftand the 
 under (laudable Parts of Scripture. 
 
 9. That there is fuch a Thing as a fcrupulous 
 Confcience j With Submijfion to the Parfons. 
 
 10. That a Man may keep his Oath to King 
 George, and yet not be damn'd for it ; again jawing 
 the Opinion and Prattice of High-Church. , 
 
 11. That the Clergy, as well as others, would 
 be better, if they had fewer Faults. 
 
 12. That Diffenters are our Fellow- Creatures* 
 1%. That Religion is a Rational Thing. 
 
 My Acquaintance above-mention'd holds all 
 thefe and more fuch heretical Notions, which^ 
 were they tolerated, would bring no fmall Dangec 
 to the Church. But, I hope, her genuine Sons wilt 
 continue their Zeal, and defend her againft them 
 all. 
 
 Among many other Caufes which I could af-« 
 fign for the Danger of the Church, I (hall men-, 
 tion but two ,• and thefe are two Holy Days, the 
 zothof January, and the 29^ o/May; a Couple 
 of Days that fend many a pious Prieft to meet 
 his Fate. Then it is that our Orthodox Parfons 
 exert their Wrath and Eloquence with huge Might 
 and Snc:efi.. They demolifh the Whigs, and then 
 kill themfelves with Joy and Drinking. Cups and 
 Caroufals, fucceed to Zeal and Scolding, and 
 many an able-bodied Lcvite facrifices his Sobri- 
 ety and his Tabernacle, to the Health and Con- 
 fufion of the Church and Low-Church-Men., 
 They fend Diffenters to the Devil, but go firft 
 themfelves, to tell him they are coming. 
 
 Thus half the gmuint Clergy lay Hands uport 
 themfelves, and pour their own Deaths down 
 
 D 2 <hei<
 
 OS) 
 
 their Throats. Some of them depart fpiced with 
 right Nantz,, others fows'd in Oflober y lome pick- 
 led in Florence, and many fteep'd in Oxford-Ale* 
 Ah tbefe drunken Holy days ! (fays my witty Friend, 
 Dr. By field) no Body gets by them but Lucifer and the 
 Excifemen, They have turnd the whole Tear into an 
 idle Jubilee , and the Common-Prayer- Book into an Al- 
 manack, I hate their fuperftitious Trumpery*— -* It is 
 only the Whore of Babylon in an Englifli V ixjor, and 
 the Pope in a Periwig. I remember the Time, when 
 Wt neither minded Surplices nor Saints Days ; and then I 
 Drunkennefs was fent to the Stocks, and Whoring to 
 the Houfe of Ccrreclion. But now ! the Triefis are 
 gone aft ray, and the People folkw them. 
 
 I am acquainted with a Roficrucian in this Town, 
 who holds a Correfpondence with the other World, 
 and in it with Hugh Peters particularly, from whom 
 he lately received the following Epiftle, a Copy 
 of which he gave me. As it is the neweft and beft 
 Apology that ever was made for Drunkennefs, I 
 chearfully publifli it, for the peculiar Service of my 
 Ecclefiafticdl Clients. 
 
 To the truly illuminate, and fublimate by the Sym- 
 phony of the Spirit of Ejfence, bright above Brightness, 
 and Bloffcm of invifibk Knowledge, Jacob Fitz Beh- 
 men, hving in the World ,• Hugh Peters, a vifiona- 
 ry EleB, wijheth Perpetuity of Permanence. 
 
 c You tell me that your Friend, the Doclor, 
 € drinks and decays apice, and that we Ghofts may 
 
 * foon exped his Company, he being already al- 
 c moft one of us. I am glad of the News, and 
 
 * (hall be pleas'd to fee him. But I cannot with 
 
 * you condemn him for fwallowing fo much Bran- 
 s dy and Wine : On the contrary, I applaud 
 
 * him, for his artful Seafoning of himfelf with 
 1 hot Liquors for his Removal into this warm 
 
 * Climate, where, let me tell you, 'tis Dog-days 
 
 4 ail the Year, ! It
 
 (29) 
 
 * It was for want of this extreme UnBUn, that 
 Julius Ctfar (the fobereft Tyrant and Whore- 
 mafter in the World) was plagued with the dry 
 Gripes half a Century after his Arrival on this 
 fide the Grave. Alexander the Great, by Re- 
 port, was wifer, for 'tis a Tradition here, that 
 his Ghoft came reeking from a drunken Feaft, 
 like a Butterfly preferved in Spirit of Wine. 
 
 * Many great Men, and Judges of the Earth, have 
 tried the fame Expedient with comfortable Suc- 
 cefs : But above all other Species of Mortals the 
 Reverend the Clergy, my Brother-Trade, who 
 underftand their Intereft in the upper World, the 
 beft of all other Chara&ers or Crafts whatfo- 
 ever, are not wanting in Forefight and Sagacity 
 to fortify themfelves with hot Liquors and hot 
 Sermons, againft the Influence of this hot Re- 
 gion. You know while they are in your World y 
 they are great Monopolizers of Fire and Brim- 
 ftone, and when they come hither we do not 
 grudge them their own Commodity. 
 1 It is from this Tribe of Men chiefly we have 
 an Account of what is doing on the funny Side of 
 the Globe; for, being all profefs'd Politicians and 
 Newfmongers, we find them the beft Intelligen- 
 cers imaginable. Befides, they are conflantly 
 coming, and by that Means, we never want Ad- 
 vices. So that whenever we fpy a black Ghoft 
 ftalking towards the Ferry, we all cry out, with 
 one Mouth, a Mail from Mankind I 
 
 4 At all Seafons of the Year we have them pretty 
 thick; but ic is incredible what Gluts of them 
 arrive a few Dayt after the \ofh ^/January, and 
 the ijtbof May. And the Reafon is obvious \ 
 
 for 
 
 Here Friend Hugh falls into the fame Obferva- 
 tions which I have already made, and (hews, be- 
 yond
 
 ( JO ) 
 
 yoftd Contradiction, how his Brother-Trade, as he 
 calls them, kill chemfelves wirh Preaching and 
 Debauchery, ac thefe High-Church Tides. Nothing 
 fo quickly deftroys the Conftitution, and the Un* 
 derftanding, as Brandy, and Tobacco, and Zeal. 
 
 I have now, I may mode ft ly boa ft, fully prov'd 
 the Danger of the Church ; and, by affigning 
 the true Caufes of that Danger, I am the only Ad- 
 vocate {he has, who have not lyed upon this Occa- 
 fion, feeing all the numerous Affertors of her holy 
 Verily who went before me, do, in the Account 
 they give thereof, fib moft outragioufiy ; though I, 
 who am not of their Order, dare by no Means fay 
 fo. Thefe Men lay all the Blame of this Matter 
 upon Infidels and profane Perfons , but I can never 
 Join with them in fuch an unreafonable Charge £ 
 for I cannot think it at all likely that the Clergy 
 would wilfully murder their own Mother, and fo be* 
 guilty of Manfiaughter. 
 
 My next Task is to prove, that the Church ought 
 to be in Danger, and this I fhall do by mewing, that 
 jjhe gets by it. 
 
 Pity is a potent Paffion, and whoever has the 
 Art of gaining it, feldom fails to draw our Af- 
 fections along with it. Now the Church having 
 no other Way of being belov'd but to be pitied, me 
 muft, in Order to that, appear exceeding misera- 
 ble and woful. 
 
 Mifery is often the greateft, and fometimes, the 
 only Merit, which attends Perfons and Things : 
 For Proof of this, I never faw a Rogue going to 
 be hanged, though ever fo wicked and ugly, but 
 he was firft pitied, and then praifed ; efpecially by 
 the Women, who have a ftrange Biafs to weeping 
 and being dtccivd. 
 
 Hence it proceeded, that when the Doctor and 
 his High-Church were both thought in a hopeful 
 
 Way
 
 ( JI ) 
 
 Way to the Gallows, our Orthodox Compaflion got 
 the better of our Heretical Reafon, and the Cbampi&n 
 merited our Mercy, meerly bv meriting a Halter. 
 
 The Church, therefore, if (he would be fafe,muft 
 be always in Danger ; while (he is fo, our Concern 
 for the old Woman in Diftrefs, will throw Duft in 
 the Eyes of our Underftanding, and effe&ually 
 prevent a Difcovery of her Nakednefs and Wrinkles. 
 1 And now, to conclude, what remains but that 
 the Danger of the Church, which is grown fo ne- 
 ceiTary to her well being, be eftablifhed by a Ca- 
 non, and made the thirty tenth Article of her Faith, to 
 be believed on Pain of Damnation ? In the mean 
 whilei let me aflame to my felf the juft Glory of 
 having ftarted the Defign of fuch an Article, by 
 (hewing its ReafonabUnefs.. 
 
 Laftly, loving Reader, let me acquaint thee in st 
 few Words, with my own Ufefulnefs and Impor- 
 tance, which makes me, indeed, a little proud, 
 but not a Bit vain. 
 
 And in the firft Place, I have written a match- 
 lefs Defence of Prieftcraft, a Task never attempted 
 before. And yet the Mafiers and Guardians of that 
 noble Science, have proved but unthankful Clients, 
 and even rail'd at me, their Apologift, mod unmer- 
 * cifully, and indeed unanfwerablj. But I have al- 
 ways obferved, that Orthodoxy has admirable Talents 
 for jelling of Oyfters. I am, in particular, beholden 
 to a great Doclor, famous for Paunch and Princi- 
 ples, who preach'd a whole Sermon againft me, 
 in which he foam'd and revil'd, beyond a Poffibi- 
 lityof Reply. Lord love him, if foffible, it is the 
 only Way of Reafoning he knows. 
 
 I have likewife been moft chriftianly cun'd in 
 many other Pulpits, with the fame Force of Bit- 
 ternefs and Lungs. Blefs me, that my loving 
 fr'ujtlj Friendf will not be taught more Wit ! I had 
 been rallying a Sort of Men who arc very fad Fel- 
 low*,
 
 lows, tod fhameful Enemies to Confcience, Truth, and their 
 Country ; and prefently up ftart the Lord's AmbaiTadors, 
 and cry, we are the Men, damn the Author. At fuch odds 
 are they with common Senfe, and the Mercy of God I 
 
 Secondly, I have convinced feveral Laymen, that there is 
 another God lefide the Clergy, tho' they had lived long in Ig- 
 jiorance as to that Point. And I have Advice From divers 
 Counties in England, that when the Parfons cock their Bea- 
 vers, and give themfelves Airs, the Country Folks cut them 
 down with a Text out of Parfon Alberonu When a Vicar in 
 Rent the other Day, Cent his Clerk to a fer.fi ble Clown in the 
 Parifli, to demand bisEaJler-Dues on Pain of Excommunication, 
 What, fays Halph to Sternhold, I warrant ye, you come Am- 
 Jrajfador now from the Lord's Receiver General, don t you ? And 
 the chief Inhabitants of a Pariflj in Surry, have fenta Letter 
 to their Doftor here in Town, begging him, if his Belly be 
 not too full, to come down and p/eaofa among them, and 
 jiot to affront them any longer with his Journeyman. 
 
 Thirdly, I have conferr'd Reputation upon fix and fifty 
 Authors, every one of whom was gracioufiy pleas'd to write 
 nty Book afrer it was in Print, and they are heattiiy welcome. 
 All their other Works, when once they got into che Corner 
 of a Bookfeller's Shop,,gmr rickety for want of handling, and 
 lo could never travel over the Counter, till a Grocer's Prentice 
 carried away the lelplefs Creatures in a charitable Wheel-har- 
 row, Seven of thefe worthy Gentlemen, and one of them a 
 grave Counfellor in the Temple, confefs'd to me that they 
 ■were the Authors of the Apology^ but modeftly begg'd me 
 not to difcover them. I rauft however thank the bountiful 
 
 ^lr. P H , for his uncommon Goodnefs in adopting 
 
 my poor fatberlefs Child, as foon as it was brought forth into 
 the publick. I fear it is more than ever I (hall be able to* 
 do for one of lis. 
 
 I am told that one of thefe Fathers of my Pmfhlet, threat- 
 ens to break Squares with the Court, becaufe they have not 
 yet rewarded him with a tho&fand Pounds a Year. But, I 
 doubt, this ingenious Pilferer of my Parts and Performance, 
 is too hafly. Why, even J, who have written full four 
 Half-Sheets, for the Good of my 'felf and my Country, am 
 not yet Lord Hij;h Admiral, ror have fo much as the Prof- 
 fer of a Blue Garter ; which fo difcontents me, that I wiU 
 write no more thefe three Days ; but then I will let about 
 my Apology for great Men, in which I will prove them to be 
 the civillefl Creatures breathing lo their own publick Per font. 
 Reader, Adieu, for a Fortn'ght. 
 
 P.S. I acknowledge the former Part cf this Book has been hid 
 at the Door of a Gentleman or two, whofe Names do vie lln %u>. 
 I wifb they rmy be as well pleas'd on this Qctafon m I am, 
 * I N I S
 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY 
 
 Los Angeles 
 
 This book is DUE on the last date stamped below. 
 
 INTERLIBRAHY tOANS 
 
 APR 5 1969 
 
 THREE WEEKS FROM DATE 0I : RECEifl 
 
 NON-RENEWABLE 
 
 REC'D URC-lDf 
 
 flEC'D LD-URL 
 
 JUL 3 1985 
 
 .: 
 
 Form L9-Series4939 
 
 THE LIBKAKI 
 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES 
 
 ^.
 
 Ljaxilord I 
 
 PAMPHLET BINDER 
 
 Syrocuse, N. Y. 
 Stockton, Calif. 
 
 UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY 
 
 PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE 
 THIS BOOK CARD- 
 
 University Research Library