MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS
 
 >' 
 
 ,
 
 MY LIFE, AND A 
 FEW YARNS 
 
 BY 
 
 VICE-ADMIRAL H. L. FLEET, C.B.E. 
 
 LONDON: GEORGE ALLEN & UNWIN LTD. 
 RUSKIN HOUSE, 40 MUSEUM STREET, W.C. i
 
 First published in 1922 
 
 (All rights reserved)
 
 FOREWORD 
 
 I COMMENCED this book with the intention of only writing 
 on the Victorian Navy, and the chapter on the Constance 
 is the result. But a friendly critic told me that it was 
 rather technical and too impersonal for the general public, 
 so I boldly launched into an autobiography, intending it 
 to be a humble effort on the part of an old fossil to 
 depict life in the Royal Navy during a service of forty -one 
 years, as he found it. After all, it is only by the study 
 of fossils that we are able to arrive at any conclusions 
 as to the period in which they existed. 
 
 It is true that we have among the fossils, to mention 
 a few, Tonge, Smollett, Michael Scott, Marryat, Chambre 
 and Hannay, the last the author of that charming book 
 Singleton Fontenoy, R.N., descriptive of naval life in 
 the fifties of the last century. Nicholas and James are 
 more geologists than fossilists, and only give dry details. 
 Laird Clowes has brought up naval history to the year 
 1900 in a more human fashion, while Rudyard Kipling 
 well, we all know his gems of naval life. The war has 
 produced a new school, and I have read its works with 
 infinite enjoyment. 
 
 I dedicate this ambitious work to the glorious Service 
 in which I passed so many happy years, and (to borrow 
 from Mark Twain) if only a goodly number of its members 
 will show their appreciation by buying a copy, I shall, in 
 more ways than one, be amply rewarded. 
 
 .Want of space has crowded out descriptions of my 
 tour in India and visit to the Panama Canal, also the Naval 
 History of the West Indies, the cockpit of the French
 
 6 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 and British, where Nelson served, and where, at Antigua, 
 he landed for the last time abroad ; where Rodney, Hood, 
 Barrington and Byron fought de Guichen, d'Estaing and 
 de Grasse. But I cannot forbear mentioning a deed that 
 always fascinates me, especially after Zeebrugge. In 
 1794 the ' Heroic Faulknor ' ran his ship the Zebra under 
 the guns of Fort Royal, Martinique, jumped overboard at 
 the head of his crew and carried the fort. One of the 
 bravest of the brave, he fell in command of the Blanche 
 in 1795, while capturing the French frigate Pique. 
 
 H. L. F.
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 
 
 MM 
 
 FOREWORD ..... 5 
 
 CHAPTER 
 
 I. BOYHOOD . . . ... . ... 9 
 
 II. THE BRITANNIA . . . . ... ' . . 22 
 
 III. THE VICTORY . . . , . I 3 1 
 
 IV. THE CONSTANCE . . ' . . ' . . .36 
 V. THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON . . ;, . .82 
 
 VI. THE MONARCH . . . . . . . . 88 
 
 VII. THE PLOVER . . . . . . . .100 
 
 VIII. THE RALEIGH ........ 7 
 
 IX. HALF-PAY . . . , . * . . .121 
 
 X. THE INDUS . . . 125 
 
 XI. THE CONDOR . , v . ... . . . .132 
 
 XII. THE SERAPIS . . . . . . . .158 
 
 XIII. THE EXPRESS . .... . . . .172 
 
 XIV. THE NORTHAMPTON. '. . . . . .202 
 
 XV. THE TARTAR . ^ . . . .213 
 
 XVI. H.M.S. MAGDALA . 265 
 
 XVII. THE HOWE. EMPRESS OF INDIA. THAMES. AND 
 
 EOLUS . . 286 
 
 XVIII. COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT . . . .307 
 INDEX 341
 
 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 CHAPTER I 
 BOYHOOD 
 
 Childhood's days now pass before me, 
 
 Joys and woes of long ago. 
 Like a dream they hover o'er me, 
 
 Still their echoes come and go. 
 
 AN autobiography will be incomplete without some state- 
 ment of myself and family. The latter is of typical 
 English stock of the best type, and my readers must make 
 their own opinions of the former. My family is of con- 
 siderable antiquity, and our name is derived from an 
 old English word - Fleot,' signifying a dweller in a creek ; 
 it had its origin in Lincolnshire, where some de Fletes 
 had their home in the thirteenth century ; some of them 
 emigrated to Bucks, and is the branch from which I am 
 descended. The ' de ' seems to have been dropped about 
 that time, and the name was spelt variously as Flete, 
 Fleete, and ffleete ; it is only met with now in its present 
 form. It occurs occasionally in historical records ; one 
 was a Member of Parliament in the reign of Charles, 
 another was Lord Mayor of London, and in the seventeenth 
 century Captain Henry Fleet sailed up Chesapeake Bay, 
 where a Cape is named after him. My immediate ances- 
 tors were landowners. I have met others of my name 
 during my wanderings. At New York an interested Fleet 
 called upon me, and seemed to know more about my 
 family than I did myself, and a Professor Fleet of ; Harvard 
 visited my people in England, but it is not a common 
 name. : j 
 
 I have often been chaffed about my name, and some 
 of my friends used to call me - Squadrons ' in addition to 
 
 9
 
 10 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 various other nicknames conferred upon me, but it must 
 be allowed that it is a suitable one for my profession! 
 At times it has led to some embarrassing, although 
 amusing, incidents, such as some years ago when returning 
 from a trip to the Panama Canal I arrived at Manchester. 
 Nothing would convince the manager of the Great Central 
 Hotel that I was not ' The Admiral of the Fleet ' ; he was 
 most solicitous about what arrangements I wished to make 
 as to the disposal of my dispatches, and I only pacified 
 him by consenting to allow him to engage a compartment 
 for me in the London express. On the following day 
 I steamed out of the station, bowing with great empresse-* 
 ment to a party of officials headed by the manager. It 
 was a great moment, and only needed a red carpet to 
 make it semi -regal. 
 
 Toward the end of the eighteenth century my great- 
 grandfather, a younger member of the family, emigrated 
 to London, where he established himself as a West Indian 
 merchant in Fenchurch Street. In those days such people 
 resided over their counting-houses (as they were called) ; 
 there, in 1818, my father was born. He was the eldest 
 of four children, two boys and two girls. Owing to the 
 untimely death of my grandfather he was compelled to 
 take up the business and give up his university career. 
 .With his brother James for a partner the firm became 
 well known as ' Fleet Brothers.' One of the girls died 
 young, and the other married an eminent Divine, Charles 
 Alford, who later became Bishop of Victoria, Hong Kong. 
 
 My mother was Esther Faithfull, born in 1823, a 
 daughter of the Reverend Ferdinand Faithfull, Headley 
 Rectory, near Epsom, Surrey. The Faithfulls are an old 
 English family with many ramifications. I can recall 
 the old church and the staircase outside on the south' 
 wall which gave ingress to a small gallery where the 
 e"lite performed their devotions. Music was supplied by 
 a small, and not too talented, orchestra in the belfry 
 gallery. A story is told of the double-bass performer 
 (who rather fancied himself) that one day he dropped his 
 rosin over the rail just as the clerk, who sat under the 
 pulpit, gave out the hymn in accordance with the custom 
 of the day. It was " .Who is the King of Glory? " The 
 fellow leant over and said, " Hand me up that rosin and 
 I'll soon show you." 
 
 My father used to ride over from Croydon (the limit 
 of the railway in those days) to do his courting ; the
 
 BOYHOOD 11 
 
 marriage took place in 1846, and they lived in Tollington 
 Park. There I was born on May I, 1850, having been 
 preceded by two other boys. The eldest, John Faithfull, 
 entered the Indian Civil Service in 1865, and served with 
 distinction. Awarded a Companionship of the Indian 
 Empire, he retired in 1897, on what was then a good 
 pension. Among other attainments he was a noted 
 Sanskrit scholar. He published several works on India, 
 became Epigraphist to the Government, and was Hon. 
 Secretary to the Royal Asiatic Society from 1905 until 
 his death in 1917. In 1912 he was awarded the Society's 
 gold medal. My second brother died in adult age. 
 
 But London was too confined for my country-bred 
 mother, and we emigrated to the hamlet of Penge, Surrey, 
 where my father took a small property, and with his 
 brother for a neighbour, built a house. Penge was quite 
 a small place then, perhaps about twenty houses. There 
 were a few more residences in our neighbourhood, but ours 
 looked out into the open country. At the bottom of 
 our fields ran a brook which constituted the boundary 
 between Surrey and Kent. Here we led a happy country 
 life, our own dairy, a pony for the boys an adept at 
 kicking us off and a smart cob for the mistress to drive. 
 Six more children were born here, totalling up to the 
 respectable number of nine, consisting of seven boys and 
 two girls. One boy and a girl died in infancy, and two 
 sons soon after reaching adult age. I have already spoken 
 of my eldest brother ; of the two other servivors, one 
 entered Holy Orders and holds a so called living in 
 Berks. In addition to his clerical abilities he is a musician 
 of no mean talents, and would have made his mark in 
 that direction. Indeed, all our family had some talent 
 that way, and in my earlier days I could vamp out an 
 accompaniment to my songs on the piano and perform 
 on the guitar, now laid aside. Many a time have I 
 been invited to go on board another ship and bring my 
 ' Bumblejar,' as my friends were pleased to call it. My 
 other brother achieved great success on the stage under 
 the nom de the&tre of Rutland Barrington, his chief hits 
 being in Gilbert and Sullivan's operas. My sister married 
 Charles Farrington Cumberlege, an official in the Bank 
 of England, from which he has now retired. 
 
 As children, we had no occasion to complain of lack of 
 minstrelsy. My parents used to give musical parties, on 
 which occasion we were sent to bed early. iWhen the
 
 12 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 concert was in full swing we used to cajole the nurse into 
 letting us steal out of the nursery and sit on the stairs, 
 where we listened to renderings of '-' Who will o'er the 
 downs? " '' Ye shepherds, tell me," and other musical 
 vagaries until Morpheus prevailed over the Muses. The 
 nurse was one of the old type of domestic which may 
 now be classed with the Dodo. She remained with us 
 over forty years, latterly more as a friend than as a 
 servant. She was ' great ' on the subject of the Duke of 
 (Wellington, and poured into my ears a wealth of in- 
 formation with regard to. that famous and patriotic soldier, 
 whom she regarded as the saviour of his country. One 
 of her favourite expressions was, " Lord have mercy on us, 
 and keep the French from us." 
 
 In 1858 the great Donati Comet appeared, and nurse 
 told us that if it wagged its tail it would set fire to the 
 earth, a popular superstition of the time. The fateful 
 day arrived, and, to my great relief, it rained hard all day, 
 and I felt that even if the comet did behave in such a 
 cruel manner it would have no chance against such a 
 downpour. We were also terrified about this time by 
 another and different kind of occurrence, namely, the 
 activities of one ' Spring-Heel Jack.' This worthy used 
 to amuse himself after dark by frightening women and 
 children. He would suddenly jump over the hedge in 
 front of them. As these jumps were phenomenal, it was 
 supposed that he had springs in his heels, hence the 
 sobriquet. After a time the hunt for him got very brisk 
 and his activities ceased. 
 
 I have described Penge as a Hamlet ; when we settled 1 
 there it was too small to possess a debating society, but 
 a village near possessed one, and an incident connected 
 with it may be worth repeating. 
 
 The subject chosen was a small tribal war in which 
 we were engaged. We will call the speakers A and B, 
 and the chairman C. A proceeded to elaborate his theme, 
 and in the course of it said that the ' Aborrygynes ' had 
 not been treated fairly, or with consideration. B then 
 took the floor and remarked in criticism that he did not 
 agree at all with the previous speaker, for he thought 
 that they had been accorded all the treatment that such 
 ' Bellygerrents ' deserved. It now fell to C to sum up, 
 which he did with great gusto, finishing by stating that 
 while he congratulated the previous speakers upon the 
 able manner with which they had dealt with the subject,
 
 BOYHOOD 18 
 
 he thought that they had both used words which did not 
 appear in the English ' voccaballory ' 1 
 
 Which reminds me of another story. In the days 
 when education was not State -provided by a paternal 
 Government, but depended more on local enterprise and 
 chanty, a worthy benefactor of the local school (who was 
 not very erudite) invited a friend from London to hold 
 an examination of the scholars. His friend went to the 
 school and on his return was asked what he thought of 
 the general intelligence displayed. He replied, " Not 
 much. Why, not one of them could tell me who wrote 
 Hamlet. But one boy did put up his hand and say, ' I 
 know / didn't, Sir. ' " 
 
 "What was his name?" inquired his host. 
 " Tommy Sharpe," replied the other. 
 -" That boy ! I shouldn't wonder if the little devil did 
 though," was the amazing rejoinder. 
 
 But to get back to our village. After the great 
 Exhibition of 1851, the immense glass structure was taken 
 down and reconstructed on the ridge of Sydenham Hill, 
 and named the Crystal Palace, whence it dominated the 
 surrounding country. Then houses began to spring up. 
 Season tickets were very reasonable and the entourage 
 most attractive. The interior was well kept and full of 
 fascinating sights. The statuary in the different courts 
 was most interesting, and the Alhambra Court quite a 
 work of art. There was a picture gallery with some fine 
 works in it, and one section was consecrated to heroes of 
 the Victoria Cross. A good gymnasium was provided, 
 and finally there was the tropical portion (kept at a 
 suitable temperature all the year round) in which' were 
 birds and animals. This part of the building was burned 
 down . 
 
 There was a reading-room much' affected by our elders ; 
 it was not in our line. My father was very proficient 
 at chess, and used to spend a good deal of his leisure 
 there. He established quite a reputation by defeating 
 the celebrated automaton chess player. This automaton 
 was a weird Oriental figure that must have been controlled 
 by a human brain. The figure was seated on a box, and 1 
 it is possible that a small boy may have been stowed 
 away in it ; anyway it was actuated by a chess player 
 of no mean capacity, for it usually defeated opponents 
 with ease. After this my father developed his play a 
 great deal, and used sometimes to play simultaneous games
 
 14 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 with half a dozen players, usually defeating the majority. 
 But chess was not a boy's game. 
 
 Every day, August Mann used to lead his fine orchestra 
 and give finished performances. On Saturdays a really 
 good concert was provided, at which all the notable 
 singers of the day appeared (Patti, Lemmens-Sherrington, 
 Belle Cole, Sims Reeves, Foli and Santley occur most 
 readily to me), and Coward played every evening on the 
 magnificent organ. The Handel Festival was held every 
 three years and drew immense audiences. It was a 
 treasure-house for music lovers. 
 
 There were variety entertainments. Blondin the man 
 who crossed Niagara on the tight-rope, Leotard the 
 trapezist, Anderson the Wizard of the North, and many 
 others. Every winter we were treated to a pantomime 
 on a profuse scale, given on the great stage in the centre 
 transept. It was a paradise for small boys. 
 
 The gardens (laid out by Paxton) were superb and' 
 kept most scrupulously. On gala days the fountains 
 played. In the grounds groups of Aborigines, faithfully 
 represented, struck terror into the juvenile breast until 
 familiarity bred contempt, and weird prehistoric monsters 
 with names like Pterodactyl created awe and horror. iWe 
 never became quite accustomed to the latter. 
 
 When Jack Frost was propitious, there was grand 
 skating on the large basins, and in a small lake, rather 
 secluded, I enjoyed many a cooling swim in hot weather. 
 But in after-years a lamentable decay set in and when 
 visited the result was saddening, for it had grown 
 decrepit and had not grown old becomingly. 
 
 Then came the construction of the London, Chatham 
 and Dover Railway to further infringe on rusticity. 
 Thousands of navvies invaded our peaceful neighbourhood 
 and the solitary pub reaped a golden (though evanescent) 
 harvest, no doubt profiteering to the limit. Every 
 Saturday a pandemonium was let loose and drunken 
 hordes surged over the village green. Day by day the 
 embankment advanced, all the work being done b'y manual 
 labour, no modern appliances, until it vanished in the 
 distance, leaving behind it the trail of the serpent. 
 
 With the completion of the railway and the estab- 
 lishment of a local station, our exclusiveness was gone ; 
 small houses sprung up like mushrooms, and it was evident 
 that the tentacles of the huge city were reaching out 
 and grasping us, and that it was only a matter of time
 
 BOYHOOD 15 
 
 before it became a mere suburb. A few years later 
 we trekked to Grove Park, Chiswick. 
 
 During the period touched upon, I spent a good deal 
 of my time at Headley, running about wild, and picking 
 up perfunctory education from a curate. Here I imbibed 
 a love for the woods, wild animals and birds, which has 
 never left me. The country round is lovely, and from the 
 celebrated Boxhill, close by, can be obtained a panoramic 
 view which I believe is unrivalled in the South of England. 
 
 My grandfather had been a clerk in the Admiralty 
 before joining the Church, and had seen and conversed 
 with Nelson. I was never tired of being told this, and 
 I believe it first implanted the maritime germ in my 
 breast that was brought to fruition later. He had been 
 fond of hunting, and able to indulge in it until an increas- 
 ing family counselled certain economies and necessitated 
 its discontinuance, but he always kept horses, and I drove 
 about the country with my grandmother in great enjoy- 
 ment except when it included ' calling,' for that entailed 1 
 good behaviour and best clothes. 
 
 How beautiful were the woods when the merry month 
 of May wakened nature into gladness ; carpeted with 
 bluebells, later on with ferns and orchids, in one hollow 
 lilies of the valley that filled the air with fragrance. 
 Daffodils abounded, and every little pond had its water- 
 lilies and a pair of water-hens that seemed to own it. 
 Wild animals which could be studied, with due precaution, 
 and from the convenient shelter of a hedge I once 
 watched a vixen and three cubs at play until the mother, 
 growing tired or suspicious, rounded them up into the 
 security of a thicket, and often have I seen the wily stoat 
 or weasel in pursuit of its quarry. Across the rectory 
 fields one day poor Renard stole, so jaded and tired that 
 my heart went out to him, a feeling eradicated soon after 
 by one of excitement as the hounds in full cry swept 
 into view with all the accompaniment of huntsmen, horns 
 and field. 
 
 Then, as an alternative, there was the wide expanse 
 of undulating common competing with the lure of the 
 woods, rivalling its colours with the glories of gorse and 
 heather and sharing with it the melody of song-birds. 
 Here nested the plover, lark, linnet and wheatear, the 
 latter living in deserted rabbit holes, of which there 
 always seemed a number to let. In the coppices near 
 the house the nightingales called and trilled during the
 
 16 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 mating season. Martins built under the eaves and 
 swallows nested in the barns, an easy climb for an 
 inquisitive boy. Tomtits built in all sorts of unlikely 
 places, and the golden-crested wren had a wonderful 
 structure under the bough of a fir-tree. Warblers, white- 
 throats, thrushes and blackbirds enlivened the garden and 
 took toll of the fruit, making payment in melody, while 
 the busy bee lived up to its character. There were several 
 hives in the kitchen -garden and I got my first lesson in 
 natural history. By trying how big a bag could be made, 
 I imprisoned some bees in my left hand as I caught them. 
 About three or four captures had been made, when, as if 
 by mutual agreement, they all stung me I No more bee 
 hunting for me. 
 
 From the hills near the church the grandstand of 
 Epsom racecourse is visible, and on the race days the 
 course was black with humanity. My mother told me 
 that as children they were always confined to the house 
 on race days but that my grandfather went out for the 
 day to ' visit friends ! ' 
 
 All good things come to an end, and at the age 
 of ten a presentation to St. Paul's School fell to my lot, 
 my stay there as a day boy lasting for nearly four years, 
 during which time the railway took me to and fro. The 
 school stood at that time, in the churchyard and was an 
 imposing structure somewhat majestic. Big school was 
 over the cloisters, which were protected from vulgar 
 intrusion by an iron grating in the form of network, for 
 the school was founded about 1509 by John Colet, Dean 
 of St. Paul's toward the close of the reign of Henry VII, 
 and the pious founder ordained that the number of 
 scholars should be limited to 153, in accordance with the 
 miraculous draught of fishes as given by St. John, hence 
 the net. September 1860 beheld me a unit of the shoal. 
 
 Dr. Kynaston, a very talented man, was headmaster. 
 The masters lived in houses on each side of the school 
 and took in a few boarders. I started in the second 
 form, of which there were eight, and left in the fifth. 
 
 There was no playground worthy of the name. The 
 cloisters were dark, and our games had to be suited to the 
 confined space and were very rough. I often went home 
 with my clothes torn, and once accompanied by a black 
 eye. Those who wished to work could do so, others 
 just floated along. It must be admitted that I belonged 
 to the last category, for I was one of a coterie composed
 
 BOYHOOD 17 
 
 of boys of like sentiment ; we sat at preparation and 
 discussed anything but the day's lessons, with the result 
 that we had to get a move on at the last few minutes. 
 But I fully realize now that the tone of the school was 
 good. The Captain of the school always opened the 
 day, and closed it, by reading prayers in Latin, and it 
 was my ambition to do likewise, the fates decreed other- 
 wise. On the walls were many tablets bearing the names 
 of distinguished Paulines, among them the great Duke of 
 Marlborough, and Milton. The school has a long list 
 to its credit, and the good Dean must feel that his life's 
 work is not wasted. There was a good deal of caning, 
 but most of us preferred it to the alternative of hundreds 
 of lines. 
 
 The education was almost entirely classical and 
 mathematical. There was a French master for whom 
 we had much contempt ; it was the vogue. The school 
 was splendidly endowed and had many excellent exhi- 
 bitions, and any one going up to a university naturally 
 dug out all he knew at classics and mathematics to get 
 one. The consequence was that I got ploughed in English 
 history and geography when I went up for the Navy. 
 On the other hand, I have never forgotten my Latin and, 
 to a lesser degree, Greek. The only prize I won at 
 St. Paul's was for arithmetic, and a handsome calf -bound 
 copy of Wordsworth's Greece with the school arms on 
 the cover is still in my possession., 
 
 My going up for the Navy was entirely unpremeditated 
 and the result of a visit paid us by a Naval Officer. 
 His anecdotes and cheery demeanour quite captivated me, 
 and I thought that if all sailors were like Captain Dyer 
 they must be fine fellows and I would like to join them. 
 So nothing would do until my people had been worried 
 into getting me a nomination, which was required in those 
 days, and they procured it through a connection in the 
 Service. 
 
 It was decided that a ' crammer ' was needful, and I 
 was sent to the Rev. T. Knight at St. Mary's Hall, South- 
 sea, to be stuffed with history and geography, at which' 
 that gentleman and his staff were adepts. The cramming 
 resulted in my passing fourth in the June batch of ,1864. 
 Naturally my impressions of St. Mary's Hall are vague, 
 but I have a vivid remembrance of my first escape from 
 death. We used to bathe off the beach, and on one 
 occasion the current was too strong for me ; I grew tired, 
 
 2
 
 18 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 began to struggle and sink. I screamed out for help, 
 my chief thought being that it was hard luck to be cut 
 off so young. I don't believe in the idea that in such 
 cases a man's mind is occupied with the previous events 
 of his life, I know mine wasn't. I opened my mouth 
 and let forth what I believed to be a very powerful 
 S.O.S., but my friends afterwards told me it was more 
 like a drowning kitten ; anyway, the master heard it, 
 and rushing in, carried me to safety on the beach, where 
 I lay in a state of collapse for some time. 
 
 After the examination I returned home triumphant, 
 my thoughts full of new kit in which jackets with brass 
 buttons and caps with badges predominated. iWhen I 
 first put the uniform on I behaved very much like 
 W. Gilbert's heavy dragoon as regards looking in the glass, 
 but I trust not as regards the conceit ; still, a certain 
 amount of ' side ' is excusable on such an occasion. I 
 believe it is now called ' swank.' Now when I meet a 
 newly caught young 'Nelson, it is always with sympathy, for 
 I know what the lad's sensations are. So passed three 
 happy weeks, the appointed day for joining the Britannia 
 arrived, I made my farewells and set off for Paddington 
 en route for Dartmouth. 
 
 Before introducing my readers to the Britannia, a 
 few remarks or reflections on the period just treated may 
 not be out of place. iWe were then passing through 
 what is popularly described as the ' Mid Victorian Era.' 
 Sometimes it is referred to by the present generation with 
 a scarcely veiled smile of derision or contemptuous allusion. 
 
 iWith the exception of a few minor campaigns of no 
 great importance, the Empire had enjoyed peace and 
 great prosperity since the decisive Battle of Waterloo until 
 the Crimean War, followed closely by, the tragic outbreak 
 of the Indian Mutiny. My memories of the latter (being 
 only a child) are somewhat nebulous, but they are 
 sufficiently vivid for me to state that neither of them 
 affected the general home tranquillity to any great 
 extent. The forces engaged were not large ; ridiculously 
 small compared to our recent terrible experience ; and 
 only seemed to affect a small portion of our population, 
 namely, that in close connection with the regular forces. 
 War hardly affected us in the United Kingdom. I don't 
 mean that the people were not interested in it, but it 
 did not excite undue attention, although the finish, 
 especially that of the Mutiny, was hailed with relief.
 
 BOYHOOD 19 
 
 There was not the astonishing amount of information 
 through newspapers and telegrams with which we are now 
 deluged. The Times was a sixpenny publication and 
 beyond the means of the proletariat, the Morning Post 
 cost fourpence. There were other papers, but I cannot 
 name them with certainty. The Illustrated London News 
 must have had a monopoly in its particular line. There 
 was Punch, and I can recall two others on similar lines 
 Fun and Judy ; they became defunct after a few years. 
 These are all the periodicals that occur to me. There 
 were also magazines, but not of the sort that a boy cared 
 to read. Now if you approach a bookstall for some- 
 thing to wile away the tedium of a railway journey 
 the choice is so bewildering that it takes a strong mind 
 to make a decision whether, for instance, to improve it by 
 purchasing Discovery, amaze it with Titbits, or amuse it 
 with Comic Cutsl Moreover, many of these enterprising 
 journals hold out a lure by providing an insurance on 
 your life, to be paid, in the event of your being killed 
 in a railway accident, to your next of kin, providing you 
 have a copy of the paper on you. -We had none of the 
 illustrated dailies that depict the varying scenes of life 
 with such fidelity, portraying fashionable beauties, brides 
 and their grooms, members of the aristocracy, actresses, 
 divorcees, and condemned criminals with scrupulous 
 impartiality. 
 
 The telegraph wires were only just beginning to be 
 used, and chronic procrastinators had to write their 
 fictitious excuses instead of wiring them at the eleventh 
 hour. The advent of a telegram (not yet ' wire ') was 
 regarded with suspicion as generally conveying distressful 
 news ; alas ! it only too often does now. 
 
 The means of transit were not so generous and 
 certainly not so comfortable as at present. I can just 
 remember some of the old third-class carriages that were 
 no better than open trucks, and not so good as those 
 used to transport cattle at the present time. The annual 
 rush' to the seaside was beyond the proletariat and they 
 took their rest at home with more advantage to their 
 pockets and constitutions. The better classes usually went 
 off to the most convenient place, which was Brighton in 
 our case, where we annually migrated for a holiday. I 
 don't think it attracted the Israelites as it does now. 
 
 The London, Chatham and Dover was not completed, 
 and the London and Brighton had its terminus at London
 
 20 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 Bridge, which all travellers had to cross by cab 1 , omnibus 
 or on foot. The cabs (' growlers ') were usually shocking 1 
 affairs, and the drivers, often in the last stage of decrepi- 
 tude, hardly ever polite, not always sober, and always 
 most extortionate. The hansoms were much better ; the 
 drivers took a pride in them and often owned an animal 
 that looked like a bit of blood. It used to be called 
 the gondola of London. The omnibus was a veritable 
 boneshaker and the floor was strewed with straw : it 
 was considered by some to be a rather swagger thing 
 to sit beside the drivers, who were a distinct class of 
 their own ; the smarter ones wore white bell-toppers in 
 summer, doubtless given to them by one of their patrons. 
 
 We were singularly free from the prevailing hustle 
 of the present day, and were all the happier for it. Did 
 it come from the United States or did we create it our- 
 selves? Will it, like Frankenstein's Monster, turn and 
 destroy us? With the advent of the taxi and the flying- 
 machine we are able to carry on hustling still more, 
 and soon every one will have a private aeroplane in his 
 backyard, as well as a motor or sidecar. Add wireless 
 telegraphy and finally wireless telephony, and then some 
 law will have to be passed that we mustn't all talk at once. 
 1 The streets of London were never too safe, but they 
 are now positively dangerous, for chauffeurs et hoc genus 
 omne seem to take a delight in close shaves. If it were 
 not for the stalwart policeman (in whom we still have 
 confidence in spite of strikes), certain crossings would 
 be impracticable. Vanished, too, are the attractions of 
 certain West-end streets in the way of horses and 
 vehicles, splendid turnouts with their liveried attendants, 
 not dressed in leather jerkins and peaked caps arid 
 horribile dicta smoking cigarettes or pipes I It does not 
 seem so long ago that one ' did ' the park as much for 
 the pleasure of seeing the turnouts as of meeting friends 
 and admiring pretty girls in smart frocks. Who is going 
 to watch motor-cars, however much they cost? 
 
 Women did not have so much freedom. It was con- 
 sidered ' fast ' for a girl 'to drive in a hansom, and the 
 watchful eye of the chaperon was ever on guard. 
 Emancipation, together with the franchise, has burst upon 
 the fair sex ; but I am not goin'g to dilate on this subject, 
 as it bristles with prickles. One remark and one only. 
 Will the newly emancipated please recognize that with 
 equal rights come equal responsibility?
 
 BOYHOOD 21 
 
 With' the newspaper correspondent and the freedom 
 of the press has arrived increased publicity,, and no details 
 of public or even private life seem too insignificant for 
 publication. As we know only too well, some affairs 
 better buried in oblivion become painfully notorious. It 
 is a fact that certain crimes are frequently followed by 
 similar ones : perhaps such indiscriminate publication puts 
 it into the heads of these poor things. Who shall say? 
 It is not uncommon for a woman who has committed a 
 crime to be deluged with offers of marriage while the 
 case is still under trial or even when she has received 
 her sentence. It is a curious and baffling phase. 
 
 Perhaps it is owing to the above that we seem to 
 live in a more immoral age, an age in which the great 
 majority seem abandoned to pure Hedonism ; most of 
 us seemingly living for the pursuit of pleasure and con- 
 tinualj^ rushing from one enjoyment to another. Under 
 such circumstances it is not to be wondered at that the 
 home life as the Mid Victorian knew it no longer attracts 
 and that divorce has become epidemic.
 
 CHAPTER II 
 THE BRITANNIA 
 
 Britannia, the pride of the ocean. 
 
 ON arrival at Paddington I met more cadets whose new 
 clothes and self-conscious airs proclaimed that they were 
 also newly fledged. Naturally, we gravitated together, 
 many of us thus commencing lifelong friendships. 
 
 I have before me the list of my batch of June, 
 1864; it contains forty -eight names: all were present 
 that day. Analysis is rather saddening, and I shall not 
 attempt more than to remark that only three became 
 Admirals, two on the active list and one (your humble 
 servant) on the retired list. Five more became Com- 
 manders, of whom three retired with the rank of Captain. 
 
 Travelling by the Great .Western was even then 
 quite comfortable. The broad gauge had not yet been 
 discarded. .We travelled by the express known as the 
 ' Flying Dutchman,' and at Newton Abbot the Dartmouth 
 portion was detached and pulled up at Kingswear, where 
 we were decanted on the shore abreast the Britannia. 
 We feasted our eyes on the stately three -decker that 
 was to be our home for some time and our introduction 
 to the Navy. 
 
 With her massive hull and lofty spars, the Britannia 
 was an imposing sight, but the guns (she was pierced 
 for 120) had been removed to improve the accommodation. 
 
 ; We found a launch and flatboat waiting, and were 
 soon alongside the ship ; the other cadets had already 
 joined, and we were received by an official, who in our 
 ignorance we took for an officer, and to whom we were 
 proportionally humble. I addressed him as Sir, to which 
 he replied, " You must not ' Sir ' me, my little man.". 
 This mixture of respect and condescension rather be- 
 wildered me, and left me in doubt as to who he could be. 
 
 22
 
 THE BRITANNIA 28 
 
 I found out later that he was the Master-at-Arms, and 
 that he was known to the cadets as the ' Affable Gent.' 
 The Master-at-Arms is the head of the ship's police. No 
 doubt in past times his function was a very different 
 one ; probably he was an instructor in swordsmanship. 
 He is known in the Service as the Jaundy, most undoubtedly 
 a corruption of Gendarme. He performs the duty of 
 Provost-Marshal at courts martial, is in charge of the 
 prisoner, and on such occasions wears a sword. 
 
 He turned us over to the care of a marine servant, 
 one of whom was allotted to every six of us. The marine 
 led us to the chestroom, where we found our belongings. 
 
 Cadets were entered in batches every three months ; 
 a batch averaged about fifty, and as the period of training 
 was fifteen months, there were generally about three 
 hundred cadets on board. Among ourselves the batches 
 were known as Cheeky New Fellows, Three Monthers, 
 Six Monthers, Nine Monthers, and Passing Out Numbers. 
 The two last were the swagger terms (officially we were 
 terms), and were allowed to carry ' Togies ' (short lengths 
 of cord with a Mathew Walker knot on the end), for the 
 purpose of administering punishment on the juniors. They 
 were privileged to ' Ask names,' and make other personal 
 inquiries. The Six Monthers had none of these privileges, 
 and could only exercise them surreptitiously. 
 
 The togies were not much used, however, and there 
 was very little bullying. Among boys of approximately, 
 the same age any one attempting such a thing might 
 have caught a Tartar. But there were certain standard 
 tricks which were played off on new arrivals. One was 
 to inquire if you had been weighed. Of course you had 
 not, so you were hurried off to the model bowsprit and 
 seated in the bight of the crupper chain, then you were 
 given a good swing, and at the psychological moment the 
 chain was slipped. You either got hurt or escaped with 
 a good bump. Eyeslaps was another form of amusement. 
 When a rosy-faced cadet, sleeping tranquilly in his 
 hammock offered a tempting target, it was usually irre- 
 sistible. The operator slapped the exposed optic either 
 with his hand or the heel of a slipper, the results being 
 rather startling to the sleeper, who, dazed and somewhat 
 pained, did not realize for some time what had happened, 
 during which the villain of the piece had made his exit. 
 
 There was a more dangerous game which necessitated 
 the co-operation of two cadets. One of them engaged a
 
 24 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 gratified junior in conversation, and the other noiselessly 
 went down on all fours behind him. At the right moment 
 the former gave his dupe a smart push, the result being 1 
 that he generally executed an involuntary back-somersault 
 over the accomplice's body. This was a bit dangerous. 
 But public opinion was against bullying, and as pointed 
 out, similarity of age was a great check to it. 
 
 There was no immorality. A case did occur during 
 my time, and the authorities acted with promptitude ; the 
 culprit was severely birched and dismissed. The same 
 punishment was awarded a youth who developed lax 
 notions of meum and tnum. Detected in the act of helping 
 himself to grub at the tuckshop without paying for it, 
 he received the same sentence, as did another who cruelly 
 illtreated a cat. 
 
 It may interest the reader to learn how the operation 
 of birching was conducted. The cadets were paraded 
 on the maindeck four deep, facing outboard. Between 
 two of the gunports was a table with a mattress spread 
 on it. The Commander, accompanied by the duty Lieu-t 
 tenant, was in charge. The Surgeon attended with at 
 sick-bayman, who provided water and other paraphernalia. 
 The Master-at-Arms then brought in the culprit with a 
 ship's corporal en suite to administer the dose. The Com-* 
 mander then made a short address in which he emphasized 
 the heinousness of the offence. The wrists and ankles of 
 the offender were securely fastened to the legs of the 
 table, a sufficient portion of his anatomy exposed, and 
 the corporal did the rest by laying on fifteen of the best 
 with a formidable birch. 
 
 On the first occasion that my term witnessed it, one 
 of our number fainted, and the promptitude with which 
 we rendered first aid by pouring water over him was very 
 creditable. He sat down afterwards in the messroom 
 where some of his friends continued the treatment until 
 he looked like a drowned rat. Heaven preserve us from 
 our friends I 
 
 On the whole, punishments were few and lenient. 
 They mostly consisted of stoppage of leave, and extra 
 drill. The former is unnatural. Why confine any one 
 to the limited area of a ship with' the shore staring him 
 in the face? With regard to extra drill, it is good for 
 the body and keeps the mind occupied, but should not be 
 carried to excess. Some commanding officers are apt to 
 forget that they were not always little tin gods.
 
 THE BRITANNIA 25 
 
 Discipline in the Britannia was mild but firm, as it 
 must be with high-spirited boys, but we were carefully 
 looked after. -For example, there was the great fight 
 between Manners and Childs ; it took some time to 
 arrange, and came off in the presence of a large number 
 of cadets. Although a secluded spot in the heart of a 
 wood had been chosen, the whole proceeding was watched 
 by a corporal (as we found later), who would have inter- 
 fered in the interests of fair play if necessary. As it 
 was, the affair was conducted admirably, and after a long 
 contest was given a draw, a tribute to the gameness of 
 both combatants. 
 
 Our education was extraordinarily well arranged. We 
 were divided into classes and taken by very able in- 
 structors who crammed navigation, nautical astronomy, 
 plane and spherical trigonometry into us with astounding 
 rapidity and success. Most of us had never heard of 
 such subjects, yet in fifteen months, when the time arrived 
 for us to pass out, we had become thoroughly well 
 grounded, and the majority passed creditable examinations. 
 
 The art of seamanship, and it was seamanship in 
 those days, was not neglected. The lieutenants instructed 
 us, assisted by an excellent boatswain, but we thought it 
 rather infra dig. to be instructed by a warrant officer. 
 We were to find out later what an invaluable class he 
 represented. 
 
 Seamanship as represented by masts, yards, rigging 
 and the handling of ships under sail is a lost art. It died 
 hard, and in my opinion might have expired sooner than 
 it did. But what a fine art it was I The glorious and 
 satisfactory result of handling a ship under sail, the drill 
 aloft which gave us a type of seaman that will never be 
 known again, and the apparently complex system of 
 rigging, the result of centuries of experience, constituted 
 a fine art, and the student who became a master of it 
 deserved a degree. 
 
 Each class was in charge of a cadet-captain chosen 
 from the two senior terms, who paraded us and saw to 
 it that we were properly dressed. They sat at the head 
 of the table at meals and could exercise much influence 
 by their example. In addition, there were two chief - 
 captains to whom we looked up with great awe ; they 
 seemed to wear a sort of halo! 
 
 The food was plain and plentiful. After evening 
 prayers every cadet was given a slice of good wholesome
 
 26 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 plum cake. By some extraordinary freak of boyish 
 etiquette it was not considered good form to eat it. We 
 used to go down to the chestroom and give it to the 
 sentries, who provided themselves with bags for the recep- 
 tion of this welcome addition to their rations. Many a 
 time we stifled our sighs as we handed it over to the 
 expectant Joey, for boys are always hungry. 
 
 There was a tuck shop close to the landing pier, for 
 small boys (albeit naval officers in embryo) are like 
 small girls and are fond of sweet things. We were not 
 allowed into Dartmouth, but the country was free to us, 
 and we could go where we liked ; one result was that 
 raids on the apples were rather common during the season : 
 it was considered no sin to rob an orchard. 
 
 The ship had 'only arrived from Portland in the previous 
 September, and as yet there was no cricket or football 
 ground, but we had the ' Blue Boats,' a considerable 
 number of four-oared gigs, one six -oared, and a dinghy, the 
 Pet. They were very popular. Many a pleasant trip 
 they afforded, especially on whole holidays, when we could 
 pull up to Totnes or go fishing outside. There were 
 some grand walks about the country, and Brixham was a 
 favourite port of call, and to land on that side we dis- 
 embarked at Kings wear Ferry. One day it was announced 
 that cadets landing on that side would have to pay toll 
 to the proprietor. We were a conservative lot, and 
 resented what we considered to be an unjust innovation. 
 Were we not budding officers and entitled to consideration 
 as such? Accordingly the word went round and the 
 following Sunday nearly all hands piled into the flat that 
 went to the ferry. We landed in great force and marched 
 up the road in a body ; the official collector approached 
 and demanded payment, only to be met with a refusal ; 
 a heated argument followed that was terminated by a 
 rush en masse, and with cheers the crowd swept over his 
 prostrate body. This little affair cost us about ten shillings 
 each, as a summons for assault and battery was taken out 
 against us, but the toll was withdrawn for the future. 
 We gained our point, but * Twas a famous Victory.* 
 
 In summer time we bathed, and all the year round had 
 a shower bath on turning out. Also a certain number 
 were told off for the hot bath every night. There was 
 no excuse for being * fuggy.* 
 
 We regarded the officers with great admiration, and 
 the chief instructor was very popular, but then he had a
 
 THE BRITANNIA 27 
 
 great deal to say in the appointment of cadet -captains ; 
 of course we were not influenced by that, oh dear no. 
 
 In the evening the band played, and we danced to 
 our heart's content, and on Saturday nights, in accordance 
 with Service traditions, we had singsongs, often a good 
 deal of talent to the fore. In fact, the Britannia days 
 afforded a good deal of pleasure and happiness. 
 
 The Britannia was jury-rigged. She had her own 
 lower masts and a frigate's tophamper. .We spent a good 
 deal of our spare time aloft, and no cadet was of any 
 account until he had gone over the futtock -shrouds instead 
 of through the lubber's -hole. For the benefit of the un- 
 initiated I will endeavour to explain. Nearly at the head 
 of the lower mast was the Top (a platform) ; in a ship of 
 the Britannia's class it was about the size of a small 
 room. Among other purposes it served as a resting place, 
 and could hold quite a number of men. The topmast 
 rigging came down to the edge of the top and the lower 
 rigging reached the mast on a level with the top. To 
 take the strain of the topmast rigging each shroud was 
 reinforced by a futtock-shroud, i.e. one which led from 
 the edge of the top to a chain collar round the lower 
 mast several feet below the top ; the rattlings of the lower 
 rigging ceased where it met the futtocks, so the latter was 
 rattled from there to the edge of the top. It is evident 
 that a person using them would be climbing outwards, back 
 down. The alternative was the lubber's -hole, a trap hatch 
 close to the eyes of the rigging. 
 
 Certainly it required a little nerve to use the futtocks 
 for the first time, but habitude is everything and the top- 
 men were just as nimble over them as they were when 
 running up the lower rigging. But it required remem- 
 brance of the adage ' Never let go of one rope until you 
 have hold of another.' 
 
 Some of the cadets were very venturesome aloft and 
 performed hazardous, if not foolhardy, feats. The 
 crowning test was to stand on the main truck. This is 
 the extreme end of the royal mast (the top one of all), 
 and the truck is about the size of a soup plate. It 
 would have been impossible but for the assistance of the 
 lightning rod, which stood up about two feet and could be 
 grasped by the knees. But it required caution and con- 
 fidence a good deal of each. Not many ventured on 
 it, but I felt that I must have a try at it although not 
 relishing the prospect ; however, with the encouragement
 
 28 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 of a pal I managed it and felt no little elated, more 
 particularly when I was on deck again. It is true that 
 the topgallant masts were housed, which considerably re- 
 duced the height from two. hundred feet to about one 
 hundred and sixty, but it required a much steadier head 
 than I possess now, and I never had any inclination to 
 repeat the performance. During my service a ship went 
 out of Malta with the paying-off pendant flying and a 
 man standing on each truck ; it was a very nervy thing 
 to do with the ship under way. But the upper-yardmen 
 of those days were the smartest men in the ship and a 
 class of their own. 
 
 During my time in the ship we were invited to witness 
 the launch of a barque that had been built near by. .We 
 attended in great force and a large party availed them- 
 selves of permission and went on board ; when afloat we 
 set to work to roll her an easy job, as she was so 
 light by running from one side to another. We 
 succeeded only too well, and for one agonizing moment 
 we all thought she was going over. We hung on for 
 dear life, and to our extreme relief she gave up the notion 
 and behaved sensibly, but I don't think that the builder 
 invited any more parties on such occasions. 
 
 It now became apparent that the ship did not afford 
 sufficient accommodation, and after many rumours the 
 Hindoslan, an old two-decker, made her appearance and 
 was moored up-stream of the Britannia, to which she 
 was connected by a bridge. 
 
 Next to appear was the Dapper, a small gunboat of 
 that period ; she was attached to the ship as a tender 
 (naturally anything properly attached to another ought to 
 be tender to it), and was used to take cadets out for short 
 cruises. She was barque rigged, and we used to drill 
 aloft with much help from the crew. A cadet fell from 
 aloft at one of these drills ; with dire forebodings we 
 ran to pick him up, and to our great relief found him only 
 a bit shaken. He had fallen on the forehatch in a sitting 
 position, and the hatch it was that suffered, not the cadet. 
 It was no good as a hatch any more. How well I 
 remember Arthur Dove ; he was a youngster of great 
 promise who would have gone far, but when a Lieutenant 
 was lost in the Atalanta, a twenty-six gun sailing- frigate 
 that was commissioned to replace the Ear y dice, of the 
 same class. 
 
 The latter was lost off the Isle of Wight in 1878.
 
 THE BRITANNIA 29 
 
 Only three survivors were picked up. The maindeck 
 ports were triced up ; a terrific squall struck her, she 
 heeled over until the ports were under water and lost her 
 buoyancy. It was Sunday afternoon, and, of course, all 
 hands were below enjoying an afternoon caulk, otherwise 
 the ports might have been lowered in time. The Atalanta 
 was lost with all hands two years after. She sailed from 
 Bermuda and was never heard of again. The Admiralty 
 then gave up seagoing sailing ships, which seemed a 
 peculiar line to take. 
 
 At length my batch became passing-out numbers, 
 and enjoyed all the privileges. One of them consisted 
 in turning the cap peak up as much as possible ; it was 
 called ' Seagoing ' ; in those days we wore a little close- 
 fitting cap with a straight peak. Later on a loose-topped 
 cap known as a gunnery-cap came in, but it was not 
 very popular ; the present cap is modelled on it, and has 
 also been adopted by the Army, that has done the same 
 with the gold oak-leaved peak formerly distinctive of the 
 Navy. But the junior Service has a quiet way of annexing 
 good points from us, especially when they are accompanied 
 by pretty pretties. 
 
 Some of our term (myself among them) became 
 Captains of cadets and sported a gold stripe and silver 
 anchor. It was a gratifying ornament, very much so when 
 on leave. What peacocks we are! 
 
 Finally the examinations for passing out came along. 
 They were over at last and the prize -giving day arrived 
 in due course. Some one of eminence generally per- 
 formed this ceremony, and in our case we were honoured 
 by; a First Lord of the Admiralty. In the Service he was 
 chiefly celebrated for the shocking hats he wore. I believe 
 that in the world of fashion he had achieved great dis- 
 tinction in the same direction ; of course, it is as well to 
 be celebrated for something, and perhaps it shoved him 
 into the good billet he held, who knows? At all events 
 he led a more active life than his prototype in Pinafore. 
 It was generally believed that he allowed his valet to 
 wear these hats until they became reasonably shabby. 
 
 A great parade was made, and after the usual speeches, 
 without which no function is complete, and listened to by 
 us with impatient boredom, the Chief Instructor read out 
 the names ; at the fifteenth' I heard, to my inexpressible 
 relief, my own, and I received a first-class certificate. 
 It carried with it the rank of midshipman and entitled me
 
 80 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 to sport the white patch at once instead of the white cord 
 of a naval cadet. Some of us received prizes. The great 
 majority were collared as is often the case by the genius 
 who passed first. This super-youth convinced himself, 
 after a short trial, that the Navy was not his forte, with 
 which the Navy agreed. He left, and passed direct into 
 Woolwich, and, on leaving, again took premier honours, 
 but even that did not suit, and again he cleared out, and 
 this time I presume went into diplomacy. Vestigia nulla 
 retrorsum. 
 
 It reminds me of an officer in an American warship 
 whom I met in after-years. He was the Paymaster, and 
 said to me, " I was originally a Lootenant-Colonel in the 
 Light Cavalry, then I transferred to the Advisory Board, 
 and now I find myself in this blankity blank Pay Depart- 
 ment." I thought him a ' Pooh Bah ' on a small scale. 
 
 Then followed our final separation. We had not been 
 together very long, but most of us had' formed friendships 
 that were to be lasting ; we knew the best and worst 
 of each other, and I believe a good definition of a true friend 
 to be " One who knows all about you, but likes you still." 
 Bright happy lads, so many different temperaments, so 
 diverse and yet the same stamp on all, the hallmark of the 
 Service. Most of them have passed over, but there is 
 still one of the old lot who thinks often of them and bears 
 them in memory. 
 
 We went up a large party to Paddington, full of 
 animal spirits and not too decorous I fear. Peashooters 
 were in evidence on such occasions. I must say no more. 
 As we skirted Dawlish we saw two large frigates standing 
 into the bay ; we learned that they were the Constance 
 and Arethusa ; to me they were most fascinating objects, 
 and I determined to try for one. By working a little 
 interest (there was a good deal of that sort of thing in 
 those days), my appointment to the former was gazetted 
 but not before I had joined the Victory, guardship at 
 Portsmouth, on the expiration of a short leave.
 
 CHAPTER III 
 THE VICTORY 
 
 His ship the Victory named, 
 Long be that victory famed I 
 For victory crown'd the day. 
 
 I JOINED the Victory in August 1865; she was the 
 flagship at Portsmouth and flew the flag of the Com- 
 mander-in-Chief. At the present time the old ship still 
 flies the flag, and long may she continue to do so. She 
 is niore of a show ship than anything else ; relics have 
 been collected and deposited on board and thirty-two guns 
 of her old armament restored and mounted. It is satis- 
 factory to know that she is visited by thousands of 
 patriotic people. 
 
 At that time, the memory of Nelson had somewhat 
 faded, and it was left for the Navy League and a dis- 
 tinguished American, Admiral A. T. Mahan^ to revive 
 national interest and establish the Nelson cult which has 
 been instrumental in arousing our pride in the man who 
 is certainly the people's Hero. We youngsters were well 
 acquainted with his name, but it is doubtful whether it 
 went much beyond that and the fact that he won 
 Trafalgar, falling in the hour of victory. iWe approached 
 her with feelings of admiration, for she presented a fine 
 appearance, as did all those three-deckers ; they were 
 some of the finest products of man. 
 
 The three tiers of guns, their black portholes accen- 
 tuated by the broad white stripes, the lofty sides and 
 towering spars above, the tracery of the rigging, the 
 graceful bow with its imposing figurehead and the massive 
 yet ornamental stern, constituted a fine general effect, 
 far more pleasing to the eye than the modern battleship, 
 so emblematic of strength, one turret of which would, 
 with the greatest of ease, blow the liner out of the 
 water, 120 guns and all. One a symbol of nautical 
 beauty, the other of menace. ' 
 
 31
 
 32 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 It was impossible to explore the old ship without 
 feeling that one was living in another generation. There 
 was a sensation of being accompanied by the spirits of 
 the brave fellows who had fought and fallen on her 
 decks, almost as if they were regarding you with curious 
 eyes responsive to your sympathy and resentful of undue 
 gaiety. And who but the most callous could feel any- 
 thing but serious and thoughtful when standing on the 
 quarterdeck and silently contemplating the brass plate 
 bearing an inscription ' Here Nelson fell,' or on descend- 
 ing to the cockpit and gazing with reverent eye at the 
 beam which bore the inscription ' Here Nelson died ' ? 
 The one and only thing that we can do for our glorious 
 dead is to see that their memory is kept evergreen, and 
 to pay silent homage to them whenever and wherever 
 the opportunity is granted to us. 
 
 There was a large number of men on board ; 
 consequently a constant stream of activity, in which, 
 however, we took little part. It was a great mistake to 
 send youngsters to a guardship instead of allowing them 
 to remain at home until appointed to a seagoing ship. 
 As it was, we were not wanted and were often very much' 
 in the way. 
 
 iWe found ourselves in a gunroom with many others 
 who were waiting for a ship, thus being pitchforked 
 into a gathering of youths with no duties to perform and 
 not a soul who appeared to have any interest in them. 
 There were no Sub -Lieu tenants and only one or two .Senior 
 Mids. The standing members of the mess were some 
 Assistant-Paymasters who endeavoured to make us un- 
 comfortable with a certain amount of success ; there were 
 a few Second -Masters also, but they were more human. 
 A Second-Master was the next in rank to a Master, above 
 whom was the Staff-Commander, the highest rank in the 
 navigating line. Below the Second-Master were the 
 Master's Assistants. All ranks wore corresponding 
 uniform to the executive line (which was known as the 
 Royal Line), with the addition of blue velvet between 
 the gold stripes. There were a lot of fancy titles in 
 the old Navy, but the present one has it beat to a frazzle. 
 fW.e began a few years back with Engineer Admirals, 
 and we finish' now with' Paymaster Midshipmen I iWhy 
 not be brave and drop the qualification? But there may 
 be some enthusiasts who are not ashamed of the triumphs 
 of surgery, or of steam, or even finance. It takes a good
 
 THE VICTORY 33 
 
 man to handle a battleship's cash account. But what 
 would some of our old seadogs have said about all these 
 innovations? I will hazard an opinion that some of them 
 would argue on the following lines : ' You have made 
 a fusion of the uniform for all ranks, why not go the 
 whole hog and have common entry"? The pay department 
 is probably the only one which would suffer for want of 
 volunteers ; many boys have a hankering for engineering, 
 and some would be attracted by surgery, whereas no 
 boy cares to quill-drive if he can do something else.' 
 
 The past centuries had left a legacy of unpopularity 
 to the navigational duties of a warship. The Captain 
 and most of his merry men were fighting men only, and 
 there were mariners to work the vessel. It became better 
 in time, but although not despised, was confined to the 
 Master's branch, and after the necessary examinations had 
 been passed we, as a rule, agreed to forget it. The 
 introduction of the art in the executive line changed all 
 that, and, in spite of the warnings of the croakers, the 
 new men developed into some of the finest navigators 
 that the world has ever known. Such is my experience, 
 and it embraces both classes. Agitation, as usual, sprung 
 up, with the result that the entry was stopped, Lieutenants 
 were invited to qualify in navigation, and having done so, 
 were distinguished by having the letter N placed after 
 their names, given more pay, and, as a rule, the best 
 billets. The old list is now eliminated and the naviga- 
 tion is much better than it ever was. Of course, every 
 man is not a born navigator, but we have the best in the 
 world and always will have. Are we not the salt of 
 the sea? It is in the blood of our island race. British 
 seamen have virtually charted the world of sea, and every 
 nation uses our Admiralty charts. 
 
 To return to the gunroom. Among other frivolities 
 we were made ' Servants of the Queen ' by having the 
 broad arrow slit on our noses. The subject was held 
 down on a convenient table and the skin over the tip 
 of his nose tautened. Then the point of a penknife was 
 used to scratch the familiar token. Naturally a little 
 blood flowed and the victim's face was freely smeared 
 with it. We were then free of the Navy. It did not 
 hurt much but was a bit of an eyesore (or shall we say 
 nosesore?) for a few days until the disfiguring mark dis- 
 appeared. In our case the indignity consisted in having the 
 operation performed by the aforesaid Assistant-Paymasters. 
 
 3
 
 34 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 The above practice came to an abrupt end a few years 
 later. One of the cadets went home on leave wearing 
 the Queen's mark. His father was an M.P. and made 
 a considerable fuss in the House about the brutal treat- 
 ment his hopeful had received. This was the first flutter 
 of the anti -ragging campaign. However, this affair put 
 a stop to the custom which, after all, was in keeping 
 with the times and not more absurd than other practices 
 indulged in by certain secret societies still in existence. 
 We certainly live in an age of small reforms and neglect 
 staring evils. 
 
 The Assistant -Paymasters exploited us in .the matter 
 of ' Extras ' supplementary dainties obtainable from the 
 messman. Everyone was allowed to incur a certain 
 amount of these as well as a limited wine bill, pro- 
 portionate to rank. These (in our case) soon vanished, 
 for these people had a habit of inviting us to gamble 
 for an extra supper, or a bottle of beer, or glass of wine 
 (in fact any other luxury that they stood in need of and 
 was procurable) by a process by which we were (at 
 first) victims. It was not the custom (then) to toss 
 or throw dice, but to ' cut ' in a book. You took a 
 book, and after saying " Two two left " or " Two two 
 right," or anything in that direction that you fancied 1 , 
 opened it at hazard. The second letter of the second 
 line of the left page (or the right if named) was your 
 letter. The other man then took the book and did the 
 same, and if his letter was higher in the alphabet than 
 yours he won, if lower, he lost ; A being superior to 
 B and so on. A very simple procedure, and easy as 
 falling off a log. But it is obvious that it has to be 
 straight work ; for example, if the victim took the first 
 cut, it was easy for the other to call something higher 
 and shut the book up before there was time to verify 
 it. This was the trick these professors worked on us, 
 but we soon got wise to it and declined with thanks. 
 
 There being nothing for us to do, we could go on shore 
 whenever we liked. ' Luckily the French Fleet came in 
 on a visit and I was told off as midshipman of a cutter, 
 my first command. Pride swelled my youthful bosom 
 when I was sent out to S pithead to the Solferino with 
 what I felt sure must be dispatches of a most important 
 nature ; probably they were invitations to a dinner and 
 ball which had been arranged. The French officers were 
 very kind to the little middy.
 
 THE VICTORY 85 
 
 iWhen I look back to those Victory days it appears 
 incredible that the Admiralty should have permitted so 
 many youngsters to be exposed to the pitfalls of such a 
 place as Portsmouth then was, and as it continued to 
 be for many years. We were exploited on board and on 
 shore. .When I overhauled my chest on leaving, I found 
 several articles of my kit missing, and in addition my 
 gold signet-ring, which I had stowed away in what I 
 fondly imagined was a safe haven. The ship was manned 
 by an ever-shifting population, and the sentries could 
 not possibly distinguish one servant from another ; hence 
 it was easy business for a bold thief to examine any 
 chest in the steerage without being suspected. Of course, 
 we should have locked them. 
 
 At length appointment arrived, and with' two or three 
 more appointed to the Constance, I started off for 
 Plymouth, where she was lying ready for sea. We arrived 
 the same evening and put up at Morshead's, Devonport, 
 making arrangements to join the following morning. 
 
 My sojourn in the Victory taught me a lesson. As a 
 Commander, when in port, I sent the youngsters home on 
 leave as much as possible. Perhaps the parents were 
 not always grateful I Qulen Sabe?
 
 CHAPTER IV 
 THE CONSTANCE 
 
 She walks the waters like a thing of life, 
 And seems to dare the elements to strife. 
 Who would not brave the battle fire the wreck 
 To move the monarch of her peopled deck? 
 
 AN old adage says, " A rose by any other name will smell 
 as sweet." Granted as far as the perfume is concerned, 
 but call the flower an onion and the association of the 
 name immediately attacks its sentimental character. Give 
 a ship an inappropriate name and she seems to lose her 
 idiosyncrasy. Possibly those who name our warships bear 
 this in mind. Most of them have suitable ones that at 
 least you can associate with its office. 
 
 A ship is always spoken of in the feminine gender. 
 Is it because objects so captivating to the eye can only 
 be analogous to the fair sex? Yet it seems incongruous 
 when applied to a Bellerophon, Mars or Jupiter : 
 probably they were named long before we had a 
 sufficiency of national heroes (especially naval ones) who 
 were considered worthy of being honoured. 
 
 At an early period we began to produce such' heroes 
 rapidly. Nelson at once leaps into our thoughts, followed 
 by Blake, Drake, Raleigh, Hawke and the fighting sea- 
 men of the seventeenth and eighteenth century, concluding 
 with the Great War, in which many of the modern school 
 proved themselves no whit inferior to their predecessors 
 in courage, dash and ability. 
 
 But classic names were not always bestowed. For 
 instance, Redoubtable, Valiant and Dreadnought. But 
 what induced the Admiralty to name ships James Watt 
 and Owen Glendower? And as if there were not enough 
 naval victories to go round, Barrosa, Blenheim, Ramillies 
 and, mirabile dlctu, 'Meeanee \ Watt developed steam, 
 thereby revolutionizing the traffic of the world and 
 
 31
 
 THE CONSTANCE 37 
 
 incidentally destroying the poetry of the sea, and 
 Glendower was hardly more than a rebel. Shall we have 
 a de Valeral 
 
 My point is that the name Constance, although not 
 warlike, fitted our pretty frigate. Frigates usually had 
 euphonious titles such as Arethasa, Ariadne or Venus. 
 There has been a ship of the name in the service from 
 a very early date. ,We find one in the sixteenth century, 
 and in 1796 a Constance was captured from the French. 
 
 Was the original name selected by an uxorious Lord 
 of the Admiralty who desired to honour a stately spouse? 
 Or did he name a ship after a lovely daughter? We do 
 not know, but the figurehead of our time was that of 
 a captivating female with Grecian features, an imposing 
 bust, and a wealth of hair. Further, we know that she 
 was built in 1846 as a sailing ship, that in 1862 engines 
 were put into her and she became what was generally 
 termed an auxiliary screw. 
 
 The memory of events connected with' one's first ship 
 is usually more vivid than that of any other, and it is 
 so in the case of the Constance with me. One of my 
 most mournful recollections is watching the old craft sans 
 masts, sans guns, being towed out of Plymouth in 1876, 
 on a last voyage, to be broken up. Doubtless, as logs, 
 she has warmed many a hearth. 
 
 She was a wooden frigate of 3,213 tons, 280 feet in 
 length and 50 feet beam, and was built of good English 
 oak, the only iron being the knees that supported the 
 beams. She mounted thirty-five guns and carried a crew 
 of 545. On the maindeck were twenty -six guns, of which 
 fourteen were 8 -inch smooth bore, and twelve were 
 7 -inch shunt guns, all muzzle-loaders. On the quarter- 
 deck were eight 4O-pounder Armstrong, and on the fore- 
 castle a loo-pounder Armstrong, all breech-loaders. The 
 pounds represent the weight of the projectile. After the 
 Armstrong had been loaded, a breech-block was dropped 
 into a slot, which was then screwed up. When, fired the 
 breech-block has been known to blow out, and then 
 followed an agonizing period of suspense as to where 
 it would fall. The shunt guns were a peculiarity. They 
 used an ogival -headed projectile with two sets of studs, 
 the gun was grooved and the system depended on the 
 large stud shunting on to the smaller groove. When the 
 gun was fired the increased resistance gave the projectile 
 a twist, and it travelled end on, striking with' the pointed
 
 38 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 end. The 8 -inch guns fired round shot, the Armstrong's 
 pointed ones coated with lead. All the projectiles could 
 be fused for time or percussion ; we were also supplied 
 with shrapnel and case shot. 
 
 At an examination, one of our mids was asked why 
 guns were called shunt guns. After a moment's hesita- 
 tion he replied, " After the maker's name." Laughter, 
 in which the examiner joined ! 
 
 In addition, we had boat guns, which could be used 
 as field guns, and 250 rifles Enfield muzzle-loaders- 
 fitted with a sword bayonet, cutlasses, rocket tubes and 
 boarding pikes! As a necessary corollary to the last two 
 articles, we stowed two large sweeps on the booms for 
 use in a calm during action. Regulations die hard in 
 the Navy. 
 
 The horse-power of the engines was 500, coal 
 stowage 200 tons, and full speed 1 1 knots ; but steam 1 
 was an auxiliary and only used in case of need. 
 The screw was a lifting one, and was hoisted up in what 
 was termed a banjo frame. The engines were an experi- 
 ment, compound with six cylinders, an innovation in those 
 days, and it was expected that we would economize more 
 fuel than our contemporaries, but to understand such 
 things at that time was not considered necessary but rather 
 derogatory to a deck officer. We mids were sometimes 
 taken down into the engine-room and stokehold to learn 
 to ' Reeve Steam,' as we called it, but we looked upon 
 it as a waste of time. 
 
 It was the same with school, which the Naval Instructor 
 held in the Captain's fore-cabin. We always tried 
 to evade it by being on duty any old excuse. ,When the 
 Naval Instructor was absent and the Captain elsewhere 
 we filled in the time by skylarking. One afternoon I was 
 in the after cabin trying on the Captain's jacket and 
 admiring the four stripes in front of a long glass, when in 
 walked the Captain. Climax I 
 
 The system of education was too professional, for 
 there was no attempt at giving us general information. 
 The Naval Instructor confined himself to navigation and 
 the Chaplain never troubled his head' about us ; very wisely 
 perhaps, for we were a set of unmitigated young scamps 
 and would have resented any ' Bible drill,' as it was irrev- 
 erently termed. Geography and Astronomy we could not 
 help imbibing, but History was a sealed book except to 
 the voluntary student. There wasfor the times a good
 
 THE CONSTANCE 39 
 
 ship library, but it appeared to me that most of my 
 messmates preferred fiction. 
 
 The Constance was a Symondite, i.e. built from the 
 designs of Admiral Sir W. Symonds. Instead of having 
 a flat bottom!, she had a V-shaped one, the theory being 
 that ships would sail better for it, which they did, but 
 they rolled much more. Our craft once rolled the main- 
 yardarm under water. Formerly a purely sailing ship, 
 she had been docked, cut in two, and lengthened 50 feet. 
 She was the only ship I ever served in rigged according 
 to ' Cocker,' the only departure being that the lower 
 rigging was wire instead of hemp, which gave her a 
 lighter look aloft. Everything else was ' Shipshape and 
 Bristol Fashion.' No strop and toggle work, no fakes, 
 gilguys, or gadgets. 
 
 We used to have a good deal of drill, and at sea, after 
 evening quarters, always took in reefs. Our heaviest 
 drill was ' down lower yards and topmasts/ and then make 
 4 plain sail.' In addition to the daily routine of sending 
 down upper yards and masts in harbour, we had a weekly 
 drill-morning. These drills kept the men healthy and 
 made splendid fellows of them, and very smart aloft they 
 were. Some of them never used the foot-ropes, but ran 
 out on the yards, even at sea, when the rolling of the ship 
 made it most hazardous. Sometimes this practice led to 
 accidents, such as when; a foretopman one of the smartest 
 men in the ship jumped off the rigging on to the yard 
 and went clean over it. It was in harbour ; conse- 
 quently the awnings were spread, and such a circumstance 
 ought to have saved him, but unluckily he fell through 
 an uncovered spot on to a small brass gun and was 
 killed instantly. To our astonishment a Coroner and 
 his jury came off to hold an inquest. He was a coloured 
 gentleman and the jury a crowd of nondescripts. The 
 Captain was furious, and had them all turned out of the 
 ship. He was not going to have an inquest on board 
 his ship. 
 
 In the tropics we turned out at daylight ; cocoa was 
 served out and the men fell in without their jumpers. 
 Then with the first blush of a tropical morning, the bright 
 stars overhead and a cool land-wind blowing, we drilled 
 for an hour or so, then adjourned to a well-earned 
 breakfast. \ 
 
 With other ships in company the drills were carried 
 out by signal from the senior officer. The method of
 
 40 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 communication was by flag or semaphore ; the signalmen 
 were good and expert. For night work there was a 
 systems of lanterns at yardarms and in various other 
 positions. Then appeared Colomb's lantern with a system 
 of long and short flashes, Morse coming in later. There 
 was also an antiquated system of long-distance day 
 signalling carried out by utilizing the upper sails. 
 
 Sometimes an incident occurred at drill which lent a 
 touch of humour. For instance, while shortening sail 
 the Commander hailed the topsail sheetman on the main- 
 yard the sheet had jammed. " What is the matter? " 
 he inquired. The man was obviously doing his best and 
 so probably resented being stirred up, and he muttered 
 sotto voce, " Oh ! shut up, you old fool ! ' But it was 
 plainly heard on the quarterdeck, and every one looked 
 apprehensively at the Commander to see how he would 
 take it. He shook his fist at the man and exclaime'd, 
 " Why didn't you say so before? " The fact was he was 
 rather deaf and had not caught what was said. 
 
 ' Out boom boats ' was another evolution. We carried 
 two launches of twenty oars each, one on each side of the 
 booms, and a fourteen-oared pinnace which stowed inside 
 one of them, as did the other boats at sea, only the cutters 
 being left at the davits as lifeboats. These davits were 
 heavy wooden structures about twenty feet long, square, 
 and cleated on the upper side. They were supported 
 from the mizen mast by chains, and falls were rove 
 through the extremities for hoisting the boats ; they 
 could be topped back in heavy weather. 
 
 There were no steam boats in those days ; the Royal 
 Alfred, that relieved the Duncan, had one and it was 
 a great novelty, and we had met a French cruiser that 
 had a weird -looking steam pinnace. The French were 
 generally ahead of us in adopting promising inventions ; 
 perhaps their Treasury the stalking horse of the British 
 Admiralty had looser purse-strings. 
 
 The Captain's cabins were aft on the maindeck ; his 
 accommodation was excellent. Outside, on the port side, 
 was the Commander's cabin, and on the other side, and 
 corresponding in size, was the ship's office. They all 
 had gun ports, and in order not to destroy the symmetry 
 of the broadside the ports were fitted with quakers 
 dummy wooden muzzles fixed to the lower portlids. The 
 cooks' galleys were on the same deck, just before the main- 
 mast, and in the bow was the manger a spaced area
 
 THE CONSTANCE 41 
 
 round the hawse-holes with a low breastwork to prevent 
 the water from flowing aft. The riding bitts were just 
 aft of the manager, and on each side were officers' lava- 
 tories. The manger played an important part in anchor 
 operations. The anchor was weighed by means of an 
 endless chain (known as a messenger), rove round rollers 
 forward and the maindeck capstan aft. The messenger 
 was lashed to the cable by means of nippers (prepared 
 pieces of rope), and the maindeck capstan was on the 
 same spindle as the upper-deck one, but could be dis- 
 connected ; therefore, when it was connected and the 
 upper one manned, and hove round, it also revolved, and 
 the messenger, being engaged to it by a sprocket wheel, 
 travelled round it. Thus when the cable was lashed 
 to the messenger it follows that it was hove in. All that 
 remained to be done was to keep putting on nippers 
 forward in the manger and taking them off aft at the naval 
 pipe where the cable found its way to the lockers below. 
 This operation was continued until the anchor was weighed 
 and high enough to stow. 
 
 Aft on the lower deck was the wardroom with cabins ; 
 it was roomy and well lit up by a large skylight. Outside 
 was the steerage -in which were cabins for the Warrant 
 Officers ; they comprised the boatswain, gunner and 
 carpenter, all there were in those days. On the port side 
 was the gunroom, while on the opposite side was the 
 engineers' mess. Forward of these ran the lower deck, 
 on which the men messed and slept, the Marines im- 
 mediately aft, their quarters being called the barracks. 
 The occupants of the wardroom were fifteen the Com- 
 mander, five Lieutenants, the Master, a Captain and 
 Subaltern of Marines, the Chaplain, the Naval Instructor, 
 a Surgeon, two Assistant-Surgeons and the Chief Engineer. 
 
 The gunroom contained 21 members the Sub- 
 Lieutenant, Assistant-Paymaster, 2 Clerks, 3 Master's 
 Assistants and 14 Midshipmen while the engineers' mess 
 consisted of 9 members. The latter slept in hammocks 
 outside their mess, and the gunroom took up the rest 
 of the steerage in which their chests stood. A topman 
 acted as hammockman, and a marine or bandsman as 
 servant, both of whom had to be paid out of the scanty 
 pay received after threepence per diem had been de- 
 ducted as tuition allowance for the Naval Instructor, the 
 Admiralty being thus generous at our expense. 
 
 A few words on the officers. Necessarily the Captain
 
 42 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 comes first. He was a very reserved man and rarely 
 spoke to any one ; when he did it was to the point, and 
 he had a great command of strong epithets. A good 
 seaman (of what was even then the old school), he was 
 inclined to be severe but just. The Commander, who 
 was his antithesis and known as the ' Lady Betty, 1 was 
 very popular. Most forbearing with the young gentle- 
 men as midshipmen were called many of us owed a 
 debt of gratitude to him for that trait. With the assistance 
 of the Lieutenants he ran the ship very creditably. The 
 Lieutenants were of the best ; they made friends with us 
 and we liked them all. The two senior ones had served 
 in the Crimean War. One of them had lost an eye, and 
 wore a glass one. Being rather particular, he owned 
 several in order that he might match the condition of the 
 other. We called them his fine and foul weather eyes. 
 One of the duties of the midshipman of the watch was 
 to call the officer of the next watch, and, until one got 
 used to it, it was rather uncanny to call a man wfto 
 literally slept with his eye open. 
 
 The Captain of Marines was persona grata with all 
 of us. The Surgeon a kind man used to take us out 
 with him on visits which we much appreciated. One 
 of the Assistant-Surgeons was very eccentric ; he allowed 
 some of us the free use of his cabin, and I am afraid 
 we made hay in it pretty often. An unfortunate man had 
 his foot taken off while tacking ship by stepping into 
 the coil of the maintopbowline when the after yards were 
 swung. A short time afterwards our friend was seen 
 on the forecastle in the midst of a circle of admiring 
 bluejackets dissecting the severed foot. Good old Jimmy 
 lost no chances. At that time the Surgeons provided 
 their own instruments and drugs. The sickbays were 
 cheerless and cramped. Now things are very different, 
 and most Surgeons are keen and able, and the sick are 
 carefully attended to. 
 
 The Warrant Officers were thoroughly good repre- 
 sentatives of their class, especially the boatswain. He 
 was devoted to his duties and never left the ship more 
 than two or three times during the commission. A good 
 husband and father, ' Pipes ' sent home all his pay. He 
 did many a kind action to some of us who had chests 
 outside his cabin, and used to look after our kits, mending 
 and sewing and even washing for us. His service dated 
 back to the bombardment of Acre, and he was a Crimean
 
 THE CONSTANCE 48 
 
 man, of whom we had a large number among the crew. 
 The remaining officers call for no particular notice. 
 
 All frigates were beautiful objects, and ours was a 
 perfect picture whether under sail or in harbour with 
 yards squared, ropes harpstring taut, and paint and brass - 
 work shining. The bottom was coated with Muntz metal, 
 and took a fine polish. The hammocks were laced up, and 
 in fine weather, when the hammock cloths were furled, 
 lent an additional air of swank to the ship. In those 
 days there was no standard colour scheme ; our funnel was 
 whitewashed, but except when required for steaming, was 
 always kept housed. The masts were dark spruce colour 
 and the yards black ; this effect was rather heavy, but 
 served to show off the sails when furled. The hull was 
 black with a broad white stripe the depth of the gunports 
 running right round her, and another one of less depth 
 beneath the hammock nettings ; this was called the boot- 
 top. Perhaps the crowning beauty was the figurehead, 
 the bust of a very pretty woman wearing a coronet. 
 With the exception of the coronet, which was gilt, the 
 figurehead was white. Figureheads are gone with some 
 of the romance of the Service, and the art of carving them 
 is a lost one. That is how we saw her when (having 
 arrived at Plymouth and taken a boat to the Sound) 
 she came in view. The wily boatman charged us a most 
 unconscionable sum, which in our ignorance we paid. 
 
 Arrived on board, we were cordially received by the 
 old hands, who calculated upon a certain easement of their 
 duties, but they were a good lot, and during the next three 
 years of the commission we were a happy crowd. Not that 
 we were pampered ; justice had to be administered at 
 times. It sometimes took the form of a cobbing, i.e. a 
 thrashing with a dirk scabbard. Half a dozen strokes on 
 the delinquent's seat was a goodly incentive to sin no more. 
 The formalities of a court martial were always observed ; 
 it was held by the three seniors, and in my opinion the 
 punishment was never unduly awarded. 
 
 We found the gunroom to be an oblong enclosure of 
 about thirty feet by ten, the height between decks being 
 about seven feet. Lockers were fixed round the sides 
 and served as seats. In these lockers we kept private 
 gear. A table ran the whole length of the gunroom, and 
 the space underneath was boarded in. It was called the 
 jollyboat, and was used for mess stores. The bulkheads 
 were jalousied and light was afforded in the daytime by
 
 44 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 scuttles fitted with bull's-eyes for screwing in at sea. At 
 night hanging lights were lit. Shelves were fitted round 
 the bulkheads, and contained a miscellaneous collection of 
 dirks, sextants and other paraphernalia. Somewhat 
 different from the comparatively palatial gunroom of 
 modern times that often contains a piano. The mention 
 of hanging lamps introduces the method of lighting the 
 ship. It was very poor. There were big police lights 
 at certain selected positions that burned large bore candles, 
 pushed up by a strong spring. The lamps were glass 
 on three sides, and a powerful reflector on the fourth in- 
 creased their brilliancy. There were also hand lanterns 
 that burned tallow candles known as Purser's dips, and 
 there were battle lanterns for night action. The officers 
 supplied their own cabin lights, as usual, at their own 
 expense. Every precaution was taken against fire, that 
 in a wooden ship with only hand pumps would have been 
 a serious affair. At night, rounds were gone every half- 
 hour, and the Executive Officer reported all lights and 
 fires out after he had gone the grand round at nine 
 o'clock. Only police lights and others for which per- 
 mission had been given could be used after that hour. 
 The bowlights burned oil, and at times were very 
 troublesome. All lights were under the supervision of a 
 lamp-trimmer or ' lampy.' Colomb lights were a vast 
 improvement, but oh! the joy of electricity ! 
 
 The smoking regulations were very rigid. The men 
 were only allowed to smoke during meal hours on one side 
 of the maindeck ; after supper they could smoke until 
 8.30 ; they smoked pipes (cigarettes were unknown), and 
 the pipe was usually kept in the man's cap. Matches 
 were tabu, and it was a very serious offence to be jin 
 possession of them. The officers smoked between two 
 guns aft on the maindeck, never in the mess. Contrast 
 this with the smoking-room of a modern ship. 
 
 Smoking out of the ship when in uniform was for- 
 bidden, and in plain clothes was considered bad form. 
 I must confess that it still has that impression on me. 
 Smoking was not by any means so universal in those days. 
 Many officers called it a disgusting habit, notably the 
 first two Captains under whom I served. \Ve seem to 
 have veered to the other extreme now. At that time the 
 Spaniard was despised for his eternal cigarette smoking. 
 To further illustrate old customs. If found with your 
 hands in your pockets by the Commander it led to their
 
 THE CONSTANCE 45 
 
 being sewn up. There is a fatal facility in acquiring this 
 habit ; my preventive was always to wear gloves, and now 
 in my old age when I fall to it, I find myself looking 
 round apprehensively to see if the Commander is about. 
 
 But to return to the gunroom. The seniors comprised a 
 Sub -Lieutenant and five three -yearly Midshipmen ; the rest 
 of us were youngsters. We were particularly fortunate in 
 the Sub. He was an allround athlete, boxer, cricketer and 
 gymnast ; he took us in hand and we owed a great deal 
 to him. 
 
 The type of officer was outwardly very much the same 
 as at present ; most of us were clean shaved. It was 
 before the days when Childers, First Lord of the Admiralty, 
 introduced beards and moustaches. Regulation decreed 
 that three fingers in breadth of the chin must be shaved 
 and no moustache worn. This left the ground clear for 
 certain whimsies in whiskers, and what were known' as 
 ' Piccadilly Weepers ' were popular with certain dandies. 
 I think they were better known as ' Dundreary Whiskers,' 
 having been popularized by Sothern by his impersonation 
 of that character. It disappeared when beards came in 
 and the ' torpedo cut ' became the vogue. For my part 
 I am not enamoured of too much face -fungus ; a clean 
 shave makes a man look smarter even if he isn't and 
 my boat's crew had to shave always. 
 
 I used the word outwardly in connection with the 
 type of officer, yet professionally there seems a subtle 
 difference between the naval officer of those days and the 
 present. It is probably because they are more scientific 
 than formerly. So many more qualifications are demanded 
 of them ; at the same time there are more directions in 
 which they can turn their aspirations. Gunnery was the 
 only line in which an officer could specialize, then came 
 navigation and torpedo. Now, if a young officer is 
 ambitious, he can get a destroyer a splendid field of 
 training or a submarine, or, if his inclinations lie that 
 way, he can qualify in engineering, physical training or 
 signalling, and finally there is staff work, for which most 
 certainly brains should be a sine qua non. There is no 
 longer any excuse for a man remaining a ' Salt-Horse ' 
 lieutenant. 
 
 But apart from this professional divergence the old 
 and the new class are still fundamentally and character- 
 istically alike each typical of good comradeship and 1 
 mutual regard. A man had to go to extreme lengths
 
 46 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 before becoming an outcast to his brother officers in the 
 Navy. The great majority are generous, sympathetic and 
 unselfish. As a body I believe they are one of the most 
 hospitable in the world ; their love for children and 
 animals is well known. Last, but not least, a student 
 of divorce returns will tell you that the smallest percentage 
 of divorces occurs among sailors and their wives. Ladies, 
 take note. 
 
 As it may be thought that I am unduly biased by 
 partiality, I will present the other side of the platter. 
 Human nature is much the same all over the world, and 
 the naval officer is no exception to the rule. It must be 
 admitted that in my time there was a good deal of 
 drinking and, to a certain extent, gambling. Both are 
 now, happily, unfashionable. There was very hard swearing 
 too, but sailors had not the sole prerogative of that. The 
 argot of the Service has undergone a change. It is, and 
 always has been, the language of the trade, and is thus 
 adapted to the conditions of the times. Such phrases as 
 ' Short Circuit,' or ' Hot Air * would have been as un- 
 intelligible to the old school as * Top your Boom ' and 
 ' Sway the Main ' are probably to the modern one. 
 
 But that great asset the Spirit of the Navy remains 
 the same, and in common with many another old fossil 
 I recognize that it is not dead, but very much alive. Of 
 all glorious episodes that of the Broke and the Swijt 
 proved it up to the hilt. 
 
 Apropos of nautical terms, I wonder how many civilians 
 are aware that they frequently use them, probably without 
 any comprehension of their true significance. Take the 
 expression ' Flat-a-back,' one of the most critical positions 
 in which a seaman could find himself. 
 
 If he wants to be jocular he assumes an attitude and 
 cries ' Once on board the Lugger ' or ' Throw the Main- 
 deck Overboard,' or some equally idiotic* phrase. Again, 
 the sailor is supposed to be always saying ' Avast ' or 
 ' Belay,' terms which he never uses in ordinary conversa- 
 tion or on the stage. Lately, in fiction, he seems to 
 have adopted such expressions as ' Old Top,' ' Old Bean ' 
 and ' Old Thing,' all of which he seems to share with the 
 new soldier, who has metamorphosed the old greeting of 
 4 What Cheer' into 'Cheerio.' I doubt whether they are 
 much used in wardroom or gunroom. 
 
 The ship's company was a very good one, the great 
 majority being West-Countrymen, men of Devon, true sons
 
 THE CONSTANCE 47 
 
 of the sea, although the grand old county has given freely 
 to the sister Service. The ship seemed permeated by the 
 Devonshire dialect, and the small minority of East-Country- 
 men used to subject the westerners to a good deal of mild 
 chaff. " How about the monkey that the Plymothians 
 hung for a French spy? " and " What about the wall they 
 built at Staddon to keep the fever out? " One of the mids 
 was from Devon, and could troll out some of its typical 
 ditties. A deputation from another ship asked their 
 Captain to try and get " That theer wastcoontry laad 
 appointed to theer ship, as they had taken a rare likin* 
 to Him," but we were not parting with him. Of course, 
 to a boy they seemed much older than was actually the 
 case, but I know they were a very fine lot. They were 
 not educated ; a very large proportion could not read or 
 write, only a very few possessed the latter accomplishment. 
 The oldest were on the forecastle, the smartest in the fore 
 and maintops, and the youngest in the mizentop ; they 
 were known as ' Lambies.' 
 
 Then came the gunners, staid men under the gunner, 
 the afterguard, comprising a few old seamen and the 
 idlers, who were stewards, servants, the butcher, baker, 
 tailor, barber, blacksmith et hoc genus omne. Although 
 how an idler could ever exist on board a warship passeth 
 understanding. The term * afterguard * came to be used 
 as a term of reproach, which finally led to the title being 
 abolished, ' daymen ' being substituted for it, but it did not 
 seem to fit quite well ; however, it may be assumed that 
 the feelings of the sensitives were assuaged. 
 
 Next were the carpenters and sailmakers, very im- 
 portant branches in the oldtimers, then the stokers, and 
 lastly the band. We had a very good band of twenty -one 
 performers. Nearly all of them, including the bandmaster, 
 were Germans. The latter could not speak English 
 properly, and his instructions to the band were very 
 amusing. To an offender he would say, " I did tell you 
 to blay la -la and you did blay pom-pom." Then he 
 would snatch the instrument out of a man's hands and 
 execute a brilliant cadenza or a staccato movement he 
 was an excellent musician in order to show him how it 
 should be done. " Dat is vot you should blay ; so she 
 should go." The big drummer appeared before the Com- 
 mander one day. " My fader is dead, Sir." " I am 
 sorry to hear it," was the reply. " But I am now a 
 Baron." " Well," said the Commander, " you may be
 
 48 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 a Baron, but you will continue to beat the big drum as 
 long as you are in this ship." And he did. 
 
 \Ve used to land the band to play in some of the 
 islands where they had none, and the performances were 
 much appreciated. But although the men returned sober 
 and were all searched before being dismissed, many of 
 them got drunk afterwards. At last the Master-at-Arms 
 had a happy thought. He examined the instruments and 
 found that the euphonium was plugged up and full ,of 
 rum. Once the General Officer Commanding was passing 
 in a steamer and the guard and band were paraded to 
 do him honour. The 'bandmaster inquired of the officer 
 of the watch what air he was to play, and the latter jocularly 
 replied, " The Rogues' March." The stolid German 
 had actually commenced the first bars of the air before 
 the horrified officer could stop him. He had not expected 
 to be taken an pied de la lettre. The band had no 
 authorized uniform. It was designed by a committee of 
 officers, and the result was not always happy, sometimes 
 even startling. They were all short-service men and 
 enlisted for the commission. It is said that one ship 
 enlisted an entire German band off the streets. Bands- 
 men are now drawn like stores from the naval school 
 of music at Eastney, where they receive a thoroughly 
 good training. They wear the uniform of the Marines 
 with a bandsman's insignia. A capital system' and a really 
 good reform. 
 
 Last, but not least, were the Joeys or Leathernecks, 
 the Royal Marines as usual, a fine company of men 
 who furnished the sentries. In harbour there was always 
 a sentry on the knightheads and on each gangway (the 
 latter in dickeys or small platforms outside the ship) ; 
 their beats were somewhat circumscribed. These sentries 
 went on fully accoutred, and had standing orders to unfix 
 bayonets when anyone went aloft. The other sentries 
 were in fatigue dress. May the day never dawn which 1 
 will witness their abolition, although there is not the need 
 for them that there was. A bluejacket once said to a 
 Marine in my hearing, " What are the Marines for on 
 board ship? " " To keep the officers and men from 
 skoffing each other," was the ready reply. It was not 
 true in those days, still less now, but let us hang on to the 
 Joeys as long as we can. 
 
 The detachment brought buglers. The Navy trained 
 none in those days. Bugling was not so universal as it
 
 THE CONSTANCE 49 
 
 is now. We were called to quarters by the drum the 
 roll and the beat, according to whether ' Action,' 
 'Exercise' or 'Clean Guns' was intended. 'Sticks' 
 (there were two of them), and the ship's drummer who 
 was also the barber, and made a good thing out of it 
 performed at different posts, and then assembling played 
 patriotic airs while the men were cleaning guns, the buglers 
 using their fifes, and all three parading the maindeck. 
 Such airs as ' Hearts of Oak,' ' Trafalgar Bay ' and 
 ' The Girl I left behind Me ' were favourites. There is 
 something very inspiring in the roll of the drum ; it is 
 more typical of war's alarums than the bugle. The buglers 
 had not very heavy duties ; they sounded ' Rouse Out,' 
 or ' Revelly,' as it is generally called, ' Sunset,' ' Out 
 Lights ' and ' Last Post.' The boatswain's mates piped 
 the rest. The pipe calls were many, and to the trained 
 ear of the seaman quite distinct. Have they vanished 
 with the drums? How important one felt on being ' piped 
 over the side.' 
 
 The Marines were clothed in uniform of little round 
 porkpie caps and short fatigue jackets buttoned up to 
 the chin, trousers as now. A tunic was worn on dress 
 occasions, the head-dress being the old shako, and they 
 carried a knapsack with a whole saddler's shop of straps 
 to boot. The officers wore green feathers on the shako, 
 and on some occasions a frockcoat with a red sash. 
 With the little cap then in vogue they looked rather 
 Frenchie. The Marines were a beefy crowd, and always 
 took the outside places on the capstan bars. The officer 
 of Marines had not enough to do. I remember at Quebec 
 the Captain of Marines asking the Commander for leave ; 
 the Captain was away at the time. " Oh yes," said the 
 Commander, engrossed with his job. "As long as you 
 like." The wily Captain went away for a fortnight on 
 the strength of that answer. There was a bit of a sheavo 
 when he returned. 
 
 Our internal economy was good. Punishments were 
 much the same as they were until a recent date, but 
 sometimes an officer would inflict what was strictly 
 speaking an illegal one in the direction of making the 
 punishment fit the crime. For example, a man spitting 
 on the deck would have to scrub it up and any other 
 stains until he could catch another offender, then he handed 
 the post over to him. Men caught scrubbing clothes in 
 improper hours or places walked the lee-gangway with the 
 
 4
 
 50 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 article suspended from an oar until it was dry. Another 
 who let go the wrong rope carried the coil for an hour 
 or so. A man dozing on the lookout would get a bucket 
 of water over him, and a dirty man (very rare) or a dirty 
 boy (not so rare) was scrubbed unmercifully by his mess- 
 mates. The final resource was a flogging, known as 
 4 Four Bag.' .Why I know not. It certainly was four 
 dozen on the back. Was the bag a corruption of back? 
 When the punishment was accompanied by discharge it 
 was called ' Four Bag and a Blanker.' The Blanker was 
 his certificate, which was returned with the corner cut off. 
 The Constance was the only ship in which I witnessed 
 these punishments about half a dozen. 
 
 The procedure was very imposing. The entire ship's 
 company was present ; Marines under arms on the quarter- 
 deck, and all the officers attended wearing side-arms. 
 The whole a silent reminder of force, and calculated to 
 inspire awe. Capstan bars were lashed to the Jacob's 
 ladder of the main rigging and to a grating on the deck. 
 The boatswain attended with four of his mates. When 
 all was ready, amid an expectant hush, the culprit was 
 marched aft by the Master -at -Arms. The Captain then 
 made his appearance attended by his clerk, who handed 
 him the warrant for punishment, which he proceeded to 
 read, usually adding a short homily. 
 
 At the word " Strip " the man pulled off his jumper 
 and flannel, thus exposing his bare back ; the Master-at- 
 Arms and his satellites then seized his wrists and ankles 
 to the capstan bars. The surgeon, having previously 
 examined the man, stood close by. The Captain then 
 gave the order, " Boatswain's mates, do your Dutyl " and 
 the operation was carried through, each administering a 
 dozen lashes in rotation, the Master-at-Arms calling aloud 
 each lash. At the termination he reported " Forty -eight 
 lashes," and the Captain gave the order, " Cast off " ; this 
 was quickly done, the man's flannel was thrown across 
 his back and he was conducted to the sickbay, where he 
 remained until reported fit for duty. 
 
 It was not an elevating spectacle, neither was it 
 humanizing. The first few strokes marked the back with 
 red wales, but after a time all these merged into one 
 bleeding discoloration. It must have been a very 
 painful ordeal, although it was said that after several 
 strokes the man did not feel much. I have my doubts. 
 But a flogging had one advantage : it gave the man a
 
 THE CONSTANCE 51 
 
 fresh start, and nobody thought any the worse of him, 
 providing it was not a criminal offence, in which case 
 he usually got a blanker too. It was better than having 
 to send him to prison, thereby making a jailbird of him, 
 as well as an object of contempt to his shipmates. Some 
 of the best men in the ship had had their four bag, 
 notably the sergeant-major of Marines, a fine specimen 
 of a man who would have been ruined probably by prison 
 life. < 
 
 The cat was fitted with a handle of wood and a tail 
 of nine whipcords, and must have been a punishing in- 
 strument. In the case of theft, each tail had an overhand 
 knot in it. I only saw this administered on one occasion 
 to a sentry on the cockpit who helped himself to a basin 
 of sugar where stores were issued. It was a serious 
 offence, still the punishment was a bit tough, but he bore 
 it without a groan. It was a point of honour to do so, 
 and if any man had disgraced himself and his mess by 
 whining he would have got a cobbing. 
 
 As I have said, I witnessed half a dozen floggings, and 
 only once did a man conduct himself pusillanimously, and 
 his behaviour was almost comic. He was a bad character 
 and richly deserved his fate. It seemed as if the boat- 
 swain's mates liked flogging him. At least it appeared 
 so when the first man began laying on what may be 
 described as fancy strokes. The sufferer would give a 
 wriggle and ejaculate, " That's my bloody Liver," then 
 ' That's my bloody Lights." At last he shouted, " Hit 
 fair, you Swine." At this point the Captain interfered and 
 ordered the operator to flog him fairly. There was a 
 tradition that a man was not responsible for what he said 
 while he was being flogged, but it was not borne out by 
 my experience. A Marine was being flogged, and after 
 a few strokes he turned his head and said, " This is your 
 
 fault, you ." After another stroke or two he called 
 
 out, " I've got to thank you for this." It was not apparent 
 who he was addressing, and an uneasy feeling prevailed. 
 The Captain settled it by stopping 1 the flog'ging and saying, 
 " Now, my man, you know me. Any more remarks and 
 up you go again in twenty-four hours for another four 
 dozen." The man suffered the remainder of his punish- 
 ment like a stoic. Poor fellow, he was one of the hardest 
 working men in the ship, but had been guilty of insub- 
 ordination to one of the non-commissioned officers, for 
 whom doubtless his remarks were intended.
 
 52 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 Boys were punished with the birch, administered in the 
 same way as described previously, except that a quarter- 
 deck gun took the place of a table. Fifteen strokes were 
 the limit. A boy under punishment sang out at the con- 
 clusion, " Domino." " What did he say? " asked the 
 Commander. He was informed. " Ah, give him three 
 more on his ' domino,' " and three more were duly ad- 
 ministered to the disconcertion of the culprit. But the 
 expression was traditionally used at the conclusion of a 
 flogging, and boys will ape the man. 
 
 And now for the uniform. The Navy is a very con- 
 servative Service, and alterations are regarded with 
 suspicion. At that time we had no white tunic ; its 
 advent was a real boon. To maintain the balance there 
 was no greatcoat, which came later as the result of the 
 Duke of Edinburgh's committee at the close of the last 
 century, and is a copy of the Russian greatcoat. The 
 Duke was an Admiral in that Navy. The committee 
 suggested several other reforms, notably an improvement 
 in the full dress. But the Queen would have none of 
 them. About that time an undress blue tunic was added 
 to our already comprehensive kit. It was single breasted 
 with a hook-up collar, and a more vulgar-looking article 
 of wear could not have been designed. But the best 
 reform of all was numbering the rigs. The landsman 
 would be astonished at their diversity. Also regulations 
 as to boots, shoes, gloves, neckties and caps were formu- 
 lated with advantage. 
 
 The signal for the dress to be worn is now made by 
 number, and there is no chance of a contretemps occurring, 
 such as being ordered to withdraw by the Flag-Lieutenant 
 (sent by the Admiral), for being improperly dressed, as 
 happened to myself and another officer at the palace ball 
 at Malta some years ago. But we were in tailcoats and 
 epaulettes, while the others were in jackets, which was not 
 uniform out of the ship at that time. But the Commander- 
 in -Chief liked it. Some of the kit might be abolished 
 with advantage to the pocket of the officer, but it is 
 to be hoped that the gold -laced trousers will be retained. 
 The Navy is the only British Service which has them. 
 
 The men of those days made their own clothes, and 
 if a man was not an adept there was always some comrade 
 who would undertake it for him of course, at a fixed 
 charge. Many of them added considerably to their pay 
 by this practice. On Thursdays (a day known as rope-
 
 THE CONSTANCE 53 
 
 yarn Sunday) the afternoon was devoted to ' Make and 
 Mend Clothes.' The men brought out their bags and 
 set to work cutting out and making up their kits. Their 
 work was extraordinarily neat, and most of them could 
 compare favourably with any professional seamstress. 
 Machines came in later, and are very popular. In the 
 .West Indies these men even made their own hats. The 
 kits were inspected at stated times by the officers of 
 divisions. But one article was sacred, namely, the ditty 
 box in which the man kept his private belongings, and 
 it was always kept unlocked with implicit confidence in its 
 sanctity. If there was anything odious to the men it was 
 theft ; everyone's hand was against a thief, and no pains 
 were spared to run one to earth. Theft was rare. 
 
 As a result the men made a good appearance ; their 
 uniforms fitted and looked smart. Now that the kit is 
 issued, it is a different matter. Sizes never look well, 
 and always require alteration. But it was hard on the 
 men of former days to have to pay for their uniforms. 
 If there was anything hateful to an officer of a division 
 it was to have to order a man to get a new frock, or 
 any other article of his uniform, should the one he was 
 wearing be too shabby. It made a big hole in his pay. 
 The cloth tunic was an anachronism (as is the officer's 
 full dress), and a sigh of relief went up when it was 
 abolished ; the same applies to the tarpaulin hat. I 
 imagine that the epithet ' Tar ' (the fancy name of the 
 British Public for the bluejacket), was derived from that 
 hat. In the Navy the men are B.B.'s. (British Blues), 
 Flatfoots or Mateloes, the last presumably from Matelot, 
 and the officers are N.O.'s, for Naval Officers. The sobri- 
 quet of the Marine, that of Leatherneck, is derived from 
 the stock they used to wear. But I must not stray into 1 
 naval nicknames ; it would be a lengthy business, for every 
 department and every official is known off service by 
 some peculiar term, generally derived from the function 
 performed or the functionary himself. 
 
 Issues of tobacco were made in leaf at one shilling a 
 pound. The bluejacket prepared it by shredding it of 
 all stalks ; it was then slightly damped (the connoisseur 
 added a little rum), done up in a canvas roll, and the 
 operation completed by tightly laying it up with spun- 
 yarn into a cylindrical shape, tapering at each end. It 
 was then known as ship's or pricked tobacco. But it was 
 stron !
 
 54 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 The men were excellent laundrymen. Sometimes the 
 whole ship's company seemed to be occupied in ' rubbing 
 out a piece/ as they called it. Jack is a clean being, but 
 how they managed to accomplish so much with such a 
 limited amount of water was a wonder. Those were days 
 when very little condensing was done, and we watered ship 
 whenever practicable ; the launches were fitted for it with 
 canvas tanks, but we were able to water from sailing tanks 
 at Port Royal, formerly captured slavers, the largest with 
 the appropriate name of Father Mathew, 
 
 As regards the food, the modern bluejacket would 
 turn up his nose at the diet on which his predecessors 
 thrived. In harbour fresh meat, vegetables and soft 
 bread ; at sea, pea soup, salt beef or pork, the second 
 known as salt horse, the last as dog's body. Flour and 
 raisins were issued and a pudding made, known as duff. 
 Cocoa was issued in the morning ; it was pure and un- 
 adulterated, with a thick skimming ,of rich oil. This, with 
 biscuit (hard tack), often swarming with weevils, con- 
 stituted breakfast. For tea or supper, as was the Service 
 name for it, tea and the same hard tack with fragments 
 left over from dinner. About this time a ration of 
 preserved meat was issued. It made its appearance at 
 the same time that an unfortunate woman was murdered 
 by a miscreant who endeavoured to dispose of his victim's 
 remains in tins. The new ration came to be known by 
 the woman's name Fanny Adams. The Admiralty's 
 fancy name for it was preserved mutton. The jollyboat 
 known as the bloodboat performed commissariat work, 
 and the men of the boat came in for ' Cumshaw,' such as 
 kidneys or other choice morsels. Of course, in the tropics 
 fruit was plentiful and cheap ; for a small sum one could 
 buy a large number of oranges, bananas, pineapples, 
 melons, grape fruit, or limes. 
 
 A good regulation provided that the officer of the 
 watch should taste the men's cocoa and soup, a sample 
 of which was brought to him on the quarterdeck. On 
 drill mornings extra cocoa was issued, made from soluble 
 cocoa ; it was called ' optional ' (officially), for it was 
 optional with the Captain whether it should be issued, and 
 ' hurry up ' (unofficially) . Rum was issued at noon, each 
 man getting his tot, or half -gill : it was of the best. 
 It was mixed in a large tub and diluted with three parts 
 of water, thus becoming ' grog,' the nickname of Admiral 
 Vernon of Portobello fame, who was responsible for the
 
 THE CONSTANCE 55 
 
 custom which he introduced in 1745. The sobriquet 
 was given him on account of his grogram breeches. 
 Defaulters had a double allowance of water, and had to 
 drink it on the quarterdeck. They generally showed their 
 appreciation of it by pouring it down the nearest scupper. 
 The negro boatmen were quite aware of this habit, and 
 used to haul alongside and catch the fluid in basins as it 
 trickled out. 
 
 Grog was issued by the ship's steward, sergeant-major 
 and captain-of-the-hold, and these worthies were entitled 
 to any surplus or ' plush,' as it was called. When a 
 goodly number of men have to be provided for, it will be 
 understood that a thumb inserted into a half -pint measure 
 each time it is used will produce much plush. 
 
 The tea was always rank and strong, and sweetened 
 regardless of individual taste. It was boiled in the same 
 copper that the soup had been made in, and stewed for 
 a long time : it nearly blew the roof of one's head off. 
 There was an unpalatable species of preserved milk, a 
 powder which never could have emanated from a cow 
 in its right mind. Altogether it was a poor diet, and 
 yet the men were splendid specimens of the human race, 
 chiefly the result of a well-regulated life, plenty of fresh 
 air and lots of exercise. There were no canteens. 
 
 The officers were allowed to draw the rum ration 
 neat. Thanks to an officious Member of Parliament, and 
 a complaisant Admiralty, this ration was stopped. Here 
 we have the first mutterings of the prohibition storm. 
 
 And now let us get back to the gunroom. We soon 
 learned that the ship was destined for the West Indies 
 to relieve the Shannon, and that we were to start shortly 
 for Madeira in company with the Octavia and Arethusa, 
 making a steam trial on the way. We very soon dis- 
 covered that we must not wear uniform on shore, so 
 provided ourselves with mufti and swaggered about like 
 little men to places of amusement, including billiard - 
 rooms, which were more fashionable than they are now. 
 Those were not the days of golf and lawn tennis. Croquet 
 did not attract boys, cricket was an uncertain quantity, 
 football still more so, and racquets a game for the few. 
 The theatre was always there, and possessed a stock 
 company that seemed to be able to produce an unlimited 
 repertoire, but it was not for us, as youngsters were not 
 allowed on shore after sunset. When we arrived on our 
 station, we organized quite a respectable cricket team,
 
 56 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 but die form of sport that appeals to most naval officers 
 is shooting, and on some stations he gets plenty of it, 
 rough, but real sport. There was not much in the iWest 
 Indies ; later on, in the Bahamas, I got some good duck 
 and snipe shooting. The men were not well off for 
 amusements, but every ship had a racing boat ; we had 
 one which pursued an uninterrupted course of victory. 
 When we left Halifax to pay off we flew the cock at the 
 masthead as champion of the station. Boxing had not 
 become popular yet. 
 
 Our brief stay at Plymouth was a pleasant one, but we 
 were none of us sorry when we started for Madeira. 
 The Octavia was soon lost sight of, but the Arethusa 
 saucy as usual kept ahead of us for three days. 
 Then we got some bad weather and lost sight of her, 
 and on sighting Funchal Bay, found an empty anchorage. 
 iWe had won ! She came in twenty-four hours later and 
 the Octavia forty -eight hours, so the ship did not disgrace 
 herself. .We revelled in our first visit to a foreign port, 
 and hired horses to ride into the country ; the animals 
 were not exactly the fiery, untamed class, but we got 
 them to go. Another source of enjoyment was toboggan- 
 ing down a paved road from the top of a hill outside the 
 town. Then, Westward Ho, and we stood out of the 
 bay under sail bidding adieux to the others. We never 
 saw them again. 
 
 A few days after, a long consultation took place 
 between the Captain, Commander and Chief Engineer. 
 Something was up, and we were not left in doubt very 
 long ; there had been a mishap in the engine-room, and 
 as we had not arrived on our station it had been decided 
 to put back. Accordingly we wore round and headed 
 to the N.E. Our disappointment can be imagined in 
 spite of England, Home and Beauty. In a day or two 
 we picked up a strong westerly wind which blew up 
 into a furious gale until we were snugged down to a 
 reefed foresail and close -reefed maintopsail, reeling off 
 fourteen and sometimes fifteen knots ; a dozen men at the 
 wheel. Our best run was '336 knots in twenty -four hours, 
 or an average of fourteen knots an hour ; the old barky 
 fairly hummed through it. In those days sailing ships 
 were plentiful on the high seas (they had not been ousted 
 by dirty little tramps), and we passed dozens of them 
 lying to, under the smallest rag of a sail. 
 
 How their people must have admired the frigate as
 
 THE CONSTANCE 57 
 
 we stormed past I With what envy have gazed at the big 
 ship as she drove imperiously through the heavy sea, 
 a marked contrast to their own vessel, wallowing and 
 tossing, the sport of the waves. 
 
 Sheets of water surged off her bows as she thrust 
 into it, the spray smothering the knightheads and reach- 
 ing half-way to the foretop. At times she would give 
 a terrifying pitch, submerging her bow and flinging up 
 her stern until it appeared as if she was taking a header, 
 at the same time rolling toward the onlookers until 
 the hammock nettings were almost under water and the 
 whole of the upper deck was visible. A pause, a shudder- 
 ing recovery, and then with an upward scend and a 
 contrary roll, she rose like a scuttering gull about to take 
 a flight off the crest of a wave, until half the glistening 
 bottom was disclosed. But we had lucid intervals and 
 it must not be imagined that our progress was always 
 so restless. During one of these paroxysms the main- 
 yardarm went under the water three times in succession. 
 Some roll ! 
 
 Thus we scudded before the gale until it began to 
 take off ; it blew itself out arid we made sail again, 
 cracked on, and before very long had run our distance 
 and no sign of land. Apparently the Master was a little 
 bit fogged. We were under all sail and it was evident 
 that we were nearing civilization, for there were fishing 
 boats in sight. Happy thought, why not hail one? We 
 stood toward the nearest and the officer of the watch 
 asked our position. " Why, there is the Eddystone ! " 
 came back in stentorian tones, the speaker pointing to 
 the northward. Sure enough, there it was, although by 
 way of apology it must be said it looked like a fishing 
 boat. Course was promptly altered, but what the fisher- 
 men thought of such an inquiry from one of Her Majesty's 
 Ships must be left to imagination. What the Captain 
 thought was loudly and publicly expressed, and when we 
 next sailed it was with a new Master. 
 
 We anchored in the Sound and shortly proceeded 
 up harbour, went alongside the yard, and the crew turned 
 over to the Vengeance, an old two-decker used as a hulk 
 and embedded in the mud at the north wall of Keyham 
 yard, and the ship was taken in hand to be made good. 
 
 Our experience in the Vengeance is unforgettable. 
 Leaky and drafty with shocking sanitary arrangements, 
 she was anything but attar of roses. From the billet she
 
 58 
 
 occupied the extension of the dockyard began later, and 
 many acres of land were reclaimed for that purpose ; 
 fine docks and storehouses were constructed with capital 
 barracks, including all the necessary adjuncts. The 
 barracks came a little too late for us. Years after, when 
 serving the Indus, this part was still waste land, and 
 I can recall badgers being caught on the very spot where 
 the barracks now stand. 
 
 Every one that could do so, went on leave, the 
 Chaplain among them. In his absence it is the 
 duty of the Commanding Officer to perform divine service. 
 Sunday arrived, and the Captain and Commander being 
 away it devolved on one of the Lieutenants. The 
 experience was a novel one. He got as far as the 
 opening lines of the Lord's Prayer without any response 
 from the men ; this was not satisfactory, and he suddenly 
 broke off and exclaimed, ." Damn it, men, why don't you 
 respond? " Immediately, like a pack of hounds, they all 
 gave tongue and the rest of the brief service went 
 with a swing. 
 
 The ship was soon ready again and we turned over 
 with great relief, moved out into the Sound, repeated our 
 adieux and started for Madeira once more. 
 
 During this stay in the Sound the great gale of 
 1865 occurred. We rode it out under the lee of the 
 breakwater with lower yards and topmasts struck. 
 Thanks to the protection afforded, there was no sea, 
 but the force and fury of the wind and the noise it made 
 in the rigging was appalling. Three merchant ships 
 were blown on shore, one under Staddon Heights, one 
 on the Catwater, and the third on the Hoe. 
 
 We arrived at Madeira and it seemed as if we had 
 only just left ; a brief stay, and we were off again, and 
 soon picked up the trades. What a glorious experience 
 was sailing in the trades I Day after day with every 
 stitch of canvas set, the screw up and the funnel housed, 
 running down out Westing and bowling along ten knots 
 or more an hour. At night a subdivision of topmen 
 stationed aloft to whip in the royals and topgallant 
 studdingsails if a squall should strike us. And the 
 gorgeous tropical nights, softened and cooled by the 
 steady breeze. The stars appeared to sparkle with 
 additional lustre, and there seemed to be more of them. 
 The moon shone with increased brilliancy, bathing the 
 decks with its light, while over all lay a delicate tracery,
 
 THE CONSTANCE 59 
 
 of shadowy ropes, mast and yards. The ship slipped 
 along with a scarcely perceptible motion, a gentle sea 
 swishing and slapping along the sides. A covered light 
 shows dimly, a few men on duty steal about silently, and 
 others stand like ghostly figures ; a hush lies over all. 
 We muse and dream, suddenly a bell strikes the hour, 
 followed by the half-plaintive voices of the men on the 
 lookout, as they call their posts, and we are awakened 
 from our reverie. 
 
 Generally in the evenings at sea, and very often in 
 harbour, the men sang ; we had quite a melodious crowd 
 and some of the songs were excellently rendered. It 
 was before the days of music-hall ditties, and many of 
 the favourite ones were written by Dibdin, the sailor's 
 poet. Some of the men, who came from Greenwich 
 School, sang glees, but Jack was sentimentally in- 
 clined and the songs that appealed to him most were 
 of that class, of Mother and Home both two very good 
 subjects. In harbour, with other ships present, a regular 
 concert would often take place, each ship giving a turn 
 in rotation, the ditty rendered receiving as much applause 
 as the audience considered it merited, and they were 
 impartial critics. The effect on a fine, still night was 
 most pleasing. 
 
 Sometimes in harbour the hands were piped to ' dance 
 and skylark.' Then if in the mood the men would 
 dance and play games such as Sling the Monkey, Baste 
 the Bear or Able Whackets. A favourite one was Follow 
 the Leader, when all sorts of pranks were indulged in, 
 and some daring feats performed. Once they began 
 diving off the flying boom, but that had to be stopped. 
 Sharks are always a possibility, and nothing is so hateful 
 to a seaman. There was a legend at Port Royal of one 
 monster called ' Port 'Royal Tom,' that was encouraged 
 in the harbour to prevent men attempting desertion by 
 swimming on shore. 
 
 During this passage we had our first experience of 
 Christmas Day. After morning service the ship was put 
 under easy canvas. At noon the Captain and Officers 
 went round the messes, at each of which stood the cook 
 of the mess with a plate full of delicacies of which 
 one was invited to partake ; at the conclusion the hands 
 were piped to dinner. The messes were profusely 
 decorated, chiefly with paper designs, skilfully carried 
 out, the general effect being very pleasing. Mottoes
 
 60 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 were very much in evidence and the men devoted 
 much time and not a little money to this work. 
 
 After dinner a sort of license to ' Go as you Please ' 
 was tacitly conceded to the ship's company, and some 
 very uproarious scenes took place. The men were 
 addicted to coming aft and chairing popular officers, and 
 a great deal went on which was subversive to discipline. 
 With lights out, and pipe down, the watch made sail 
 again and peace and quiet prevailed. 
 
 A few days afterwards the Barbadoes was sighted ; 
 it was our first view of a tropical island. As we ran 
 along the coast we viewed many fine sugar estates that 
 showed up to advantage. Rounding the point, we 
 anchored in Carlisle Bay. At that time the bay used 
 to be full of shipping, often among it several whalers. 
 A whale with two boats fast to it once came into the 
 bay, took a course round the ship, and stood out to sea 
 again ; it went at a good rate and was a most inter- 
 esting sight. The men sat down in the boats, which were 
 being towed too fast for them to haul up. One felt that 
 the job was a cruel one. 
 
 Barbadoes is the only .West Indian Island which is 
 not beautiful, but it makes up for it by patriotism. When 
 the American Colonies revolted the islanders sent a 
 message to King George III to come out to them and 
 they would take care of him. Hither a number of 
 Highlanders emigrated from Scotland, and their descend- 
 ants are there to this day. They have intermarried and 
 have deteriorated from that cause and climatic reasons. 
 They are known locally as ' Whitelegs.' The ' Badian ' 
 has a great opinion of himself, and one of his sayings 
 runs ' Barbadoes for manners and Antigua for Learning.' 
 N.B. Antigua possesses a college. Bridgetown, the 
 capital, is chiefly remarkable for a statue of Nelson, which 
 one morning was found to be painted green. There was 
 a warship in the bay at the time. 
 
 On arrival we found orders to push on to Jamaica, 
 where a rebellion had broken out ; so off we went and 
 carried the trade wind right into Port Royal Harbour, 
 which we entered with a flourish that was badly dis- 
 counted by the hawser carrying away before we had 
 time to shackle on to the buoy. We had to drop the 
 killick, and the entree was destroyed. 
 
 The island was under martial law and the Duncan, 
 a fine two-decker of eighty -one guns, was lying in
 
 THE CONSTANCE 61 
 
 Kingston Harbour off the capital town of that name. 
 She was the flagship and one of the last of the class. 
 The last was, I believe, the Rodney, a sister ship and 
 flagship in China; she paid off in 1868 and waited at 
 Spithead for several days for a fair wind in order to sail 
 into harbour, but Boreas would not oblige and she had 
 to use steam. The Victoria, a three-Hecker of 102 guns, 
 was also one of the last, and served as flagship in the 
 Mediterranean, paying off in 1867. I have already 
 attempted to describe these fine -looking ships. The 
 Duncan was no exception and was the twin representa- 
 tion of beauty and force as then known. Ironclads were 
 coming in and the Caledonia was in the Mediterranean. 
 The Duncan could sail well going free, but not so well 
 on a wind, and there was a handsome little ship -rigged 
 sloop, the Fawn, on the station which gave her a good 
 beating. 
 
 The Admiral had had enough of Jamaica and the 
 rebellion, so handed over matters to the Commodore who 
 lived in the dockyard at Port Royal ; he then left for 
 Bermuda and Halifax. At both places a beneficent 
 Admiralty provides residences for the Commander-in- 
 Chief. 
 
 The rebellion these were the last few days of 1865 ; 
 was still simmering in spite of firm measures taken by 
 the Governor, who by his promptness saved the situation 
 and wrecked his own career. A High Commissioner 
 had been sent out from home to investigate, and we 
 were ordered to take him to Morant Bay, the affected 
 area. We proceeded thither and found ample corrobora- 
 tion of the charges brought against the rebels, who, as 
 is usually the case, had made full use of their brief 
 supremacy to commit brutal atrocities. The first British 
 force to arrive on the scene was the Wolverene, in time 
 to rescue many white women; :and children who had hidden 
 themselves in the bush. Most of the white men, who 
 had assembled to defend the Courthouse, had been 
 slaughtered or burnt alive in the subsequent conflagra- 
 tion. Is it surprising that the men had their angry 
 passions aroused by the misery of the unfortunate women 
 who rushed out of their hiding places and jumped into 
 the boats on their arrival at their pier? And that perhaps 
 they overstepped the limits of forbearance? Finally, 
 the Government ordered the Governor's recall for trial. 
 It was long and exhaustive ; he was acquitted, but never
 
 62 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 employed again. Public opinion ran very high for 
 and against him, one of his principal defenders being 
 Carlyle. 
 
 Courts martial were freely held at Morant and the 
 insurgents sentenced to various penalties, a number were 
 hung and more flogged. At one of the courts a coloured 
 man named Baker complained that he had been unjustly 
 flogged. An officer stated that he remembered the 
 punishment. " But how do you remember ordering this 
 particular man's flogging among so many? " asked the 
 Court. " By his name," was the reply. " As he 
 was a Baker, he was ordered to have a baker's 
 dozen ! " 
 
 Many years afterwards, when at Jamaica, during a 
 dinner party the conversation turned on the rebellion ; 
 several incidents were related and one told by me excited 
 a good deal of interest. It was to the effect that during 
 the rebellion an officer of the police entered a house and 
 in a room found a distracted white woman and a negro, 
 the latter cowering in a corner.: The woman informed the 
 officer that the man had forcibly outraged her, whereupon 
 he drew his revolver and shot him. Opinions were 
 divided as to the justifiableness of the act, also some 
 doubt was thrown on the authenticity of my, story. At 
 last one of the guests, who had hitherto remained silent, 
 said, " I can vouch for the truth of the Commander's story, 
 for I was the man who shot the beast. Wouldn't any 
 man with red blood in his veins have done the same? " 
 It was believed that if the rebellion had succeeded 
 it broke out prematurely not a white person would have 
 been spared. In this they would have been following 
 the example of their neighbours in Haiti, where they 
 rose and massacred all the French people. 
 
 On return to Port Royal we were ordered to 
 Kingston ; martial law still prevailed and we lay with 
 our guns trained on the town and a landing party on 
 the qui vive. The negroes, however, had' become very 
 subdued and polite. " Hush your mout, you must not 
 jaw, dis is de day of Martial Law," was one of their 
 -.retrains. 
 
 All this was not very exhilarating, and it was with great 
 pleasure that we received orders for Barbadoes. The 
 Buffs were quartered there and made us at home. The 
 regiment gave some good balls, and we did our best with 
 an occasional Bonnet Hop. The Creole girls are pretty,
 
 THE CONSTANCE 63 
 
 charming and fond of dancing. They made sad havoc 
 of our young affections. 
 
 One of our earliest visits was to La Guaira, the 
 seaport of Venezuela. Being an open roadstead, we did 
 not stay long, but most of us visited the capital, Caracas, 
 and spent some enjoyable days there.: 
 
 From La Guaira we went on to Trinidad, passing the 
 island of Margarita the island of pearls and entering 
 by the Dragon's Mouth into the Gulf of Paria. A few 
 miles to the eastward is Port of Spain, the capital. 
 Owing to the shallows, big ships have to anchor some 
 distance off the town. The town is Spanish in appear- 
 ance and design, which is only to be expected as we 
 took it from them. The people were not one whit behind 
 their neighbours in hospitality. An interesting trip was 
 made to the great pitch lake of La Brea, where asphalt 
 is a natural product. It may almost be described as 
 one of the wonders of the world. 
 
 From Trinidad it was Northward Ho for Grenada, 
 where we anchored off Georgetown, the capital. The 
 town stands on a promontory, that shelters a most delight- 
 ful little harbour. Probably it was formed in an extinct 
 volcano by the lip being blown away on the sea side 
 of it. The Captain decided to take the ship in, and we 
 took a pilot. The first thing he did was to ground the 
 ship, for which he was literally kicked off the bridge ; 
 however, by running the crew up and down the decks 
 we started her and she came off, the Master took her 
 in, and we moored in this ideal port. Among other 
 attractions it had a fine bathing place with a fresh water 
 shower. But one had to beware of stepping on sea- 
 eggs, the spines of which break off and fester in the 
 feet. 
 
 St. Vincent, to the Northward, was our next port of 
 call, and we lay for some time in the harbour of 
 Kingstown. It is remarkable how loyal all these islands 
 were in the nomenclature of their chief towns and 
 harbours. The island is as beautiful as the others, and 
 we had many enjoyable rides about it, getting a visit to 
 Soufriere, a volcano which was presumed to be extinct 
 at that time, but which proved itself to be very much alive 
 on the occasion of the awful catastrophe at Martinique. 
 La Soufriere followed suit, and two thousand victims paid 
 the penalty of living in its vicinity. This fearful disaster 
 happened in May, 1902, and was one of the first tragedies
 
 64 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 which so far have dominated the present century. A 
 sad and stricken world is ours at the present time, but 
 surely the hurricane of blood and misery must exhaust 
 itself in time and be succeeded by a calm of tranquillity 
 and universal peace. It ought to and must come, else 
 all our sacrifices have been made in vain. By the in- 
 evitable laws of nature such catastrophes as the above are, 
 alas ! to be expected, but it is not beyond the genius of 
 man to put a stop to further bloodshed attributable only 
 to his own unbridled passions. 
 
 The island is also interesting as being the home of 
 a few survivors of the Caribs, the original inhabitants of 
 the archipelago, who remained behind or were overlooked 
 when the tribe was deported to Bay Islands, Honduras. 
 They are very clannish and keep much to themselves. 
 
 An amusing incident occurred during our stay, although 
 it might have had a tragic ending. A defaulter, while 
 being interrogated by the officer of the watch, suddenly 
 made a bolt for one of the quarterdeck gunports and 
 jumped overboard. Several men went after him, others 
 joined in the rescue nominally so, really for a bathe 
 until there were a good hundred or more in the water. 
 Many of them amused themselves by ducking the would- 
 be suicide, who was at last hauled on board rather the 
 worse for wear. 
 
 In due course of time we arrived at St. Kitts. It may 
 be generally described as a not too lofty mountain, at 
 first precipitous and then sloping gradually to the sea ; it 
 is generally cultivated and must have been very prosperous 
 in the days when sugar paid. On the south-west slope is 
 Basse-Terre, the chief <town, and off it we came to an 
 anchor. The French and English occupied this island 
 simultaneously in 1625 ; on the war of 1666 it became 
 a scene of carnage for nearly half a century, terminating 
 only with the total expulsion of the French in 1702. 
 Now, with the exception of the names, the French atmos- 
 phere has disappeared. Basseterre is an attractive little 
 town, but like most of the others, creates a feeling of 
 being in a backwater. 
 
 Brimstone Hill, which stands a few miles to the north- 
 west of the town, is a natural curiosity. It is a lofty rock 
 of no great size and is apparently a freak of nature, for 
 it rises in solitary grandeur from the surrounding plain. 
 It was heavily fortified at considerable cost as usual. 
 .When you reach the top by the road which' circles round
 
 THE CONSTANCE 65 
 
 it there is nothing to reward you but ruined quarters, 
 tanks and dismantled gun emplacements. A gateway 
 bearing the date 1794 gives entrance to the citadel. 
 These old fortifications which one encounters in such 
 profusion are very interesting, but the effect is depressing. 
 Our ancestors had not learned the lesson of sea power, 
 and in the West Indies alone wasted millions of pounds 
 sterling which would have been spent with advantage on 
 the fleet. 
 
 The bay is quite open, and while here we encountered 
 the effects of a hurricane, the pest of the tropics. Luckily 
 we were in the outer sector, and did not suffer the full 
 force of it, but it was quite enough to go on with. The 
 centre passed to the Northward over the island of St. 
 Thomas, in the vicinity of which, on Salt Island, the steam- 
 ship Rhone, was lost with a large number of people. We 
 rode it out and watched the remaining craft meet their 
 fate, being powerless to render them any assistance. 
 
 Finally we returned to Barbadoes for a spell, which 
 was terminated by orders to proceed to Jamaica, and we 
 had to bid a final adieu to our many kind friends. More 
 than one of our number felt sad, especially a member of 
 the wardroom who had succumbed to the fascinations 
 of a fair Barbadian, and for whom we hoisted the 
 customary wreath of flowers and greenery between the 
 fore and mainmast on the wedding day. 
 
 So behold the ship standing out of Carlisle Bay for 
 the last time. On this occasion we made a successful 
 entry into Port Royal and took up a buoy in fine style. 
 We were to wait for our relief, the Phoebe, but we little 
 thought that it would be six weary months before she put 
 in an appearance. But so it was, and but for an occasional 
 trip to sea for target practice we might have grounded on 
 our beef bones. 
 
 It was fashionable at one time to heap obloquy on the 
 gunnery of the past. It is not necessary to champion all 
 the ships of the fleet, but I can answer for ours. Much 
 depended upon the Gunnery Lieutenant, and we had a very 
 efficient one. Holding the office of gunnery mid, it fell 
 to my lot to write up the gunnery log ; thus I am in a 
 position to affirm that all drills were carried out most 
 scrupulously. There was no illegal waste of ammunition ; 
 we deplored the meagre allowance devoted to practice. 
 : should be recalled that modern gunnery with' all its 
 appliances had not appeared then, but an honest effort 
 
 5
 
 66 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 was always made to hit the target, round which the ship 
 circled under steam. When one looks back to the days 
 of friction tubes, trigger laniards, old-fashioned locks, 
 dispart and tangent sights, one marvels that we obtained 
 the results we did. Then the wooden carriages on which 
 the guns were mounted, the training tackle, side tackle 
 and handspikes, and a wooden quoin for elevation. 
 The distance had to be judged by the officer of the 
 quarters. 
 
 It was grand to watch a maindeck battery of twenty- 
 six guns, to hear the thunderous noise the trucks made 
 when the guns were trained from bow to stern, the 
 reverberating crash when a broadside (not called a salvo 
 yet) was fired and the guns recoiled to the full extent of 
 their breechings. Two gun positions were fitted each side 
 for dismounting, and the order to dismount the gun and 
 shift carriages always provoked great emulation. Only a 
 stated number of pulls was allowed on the dismounting 
 tackle, and it required some beef to accomplish it. Salutes 
 were always fired by the maindeck battery, and were 
 supervised by the Gunner. He stationed himself in a 
 vacant place between the cables just before the cook's 
 galley and gave the order ' Fire One,' then ' Fire Two,' 
 and so on, until the requisite number of guns had been 
 fired. He timed himself by walking to and fro repeating 
 " If I wasn't a Gunner I shouldn't be here " between each 
 round. Our first Gunner was invalided and replaced by 
 a more scientific worthy who carried a watch with a 
 second hand. We once tried a different method ; all the 
 laniards were spliced into a running line which was rove 
 through at block aft. When the order was given the 
 ship's boys manned the line and ran away with it, eadh 
 gun going off as the laniard tautened. At one inspection, 
 with the target laid out at 2,000 yards, we knocked it to 
 smithereens at the third round, which proved rather em- 
 barrassing, as the Admiral was pressed for time. Night 
 quarters was a big affair, and the gun which got off the 
 first round received great kudos. 
 
 We used to land our smallarm-men, or to give the 
 more ambitious title, the battalion, with the marines, two 
 field guns, stretcher parties and other trimmings. Headed 
 by the band it made a brave show as it marched off 
 accompanied by the usual crowd of the unemployed, who 
 always seem on hand. A large proportion was small 
 boys ; of course, black ones, but with all the usual
 
 THE CONSTANCE 67 
 
 characteristics of the germ. It had a fine moral effect 
 on the natives, nor did our friends withhold their admiration, 
 and we accepted their compliments with becoming modesty. 
 Possibly our drill might have elicited some adverse 
 criticism from the sister Service, but they generally 
 have a good-humoured tolerance for sailors playing at 
 soldiers. 
 
 At Port Royal we remained, and the shore was more 
 or less in quarantine. Yellow fever was prevalent and 
 Kingston out of bounds, so was Port Royal itself no 
 great hardship. There remained only Port Henderson 
 (a small collection of huts), on the opposite side of the 
 harbour ; of course, it had the inevitable grogshop, but 
 there was a priceless spring of clear and cool fresh water 
 that kept a very fair-sized bath going, in which we 
 usually spent our afternoons. 
 
 Thanks to the precautions taken we only lost four of 
 our shipmates during the above time. The last stage of 
 the disease is known as the ' Black Vomit,' and is a 
 fatal sign. Yet there is an authentic case of a marine 
 who had reached this crisis and who on being told that 
 his case was hopeless announced that he had no intention 
 of dying as he had a mother to support. It is gratifying 
 to know that the man did recover, a remarkable instance 
 of will power. This terrible disease was not understood 
 then and most disastrous epidemics broke out. Now, 
 thanks to research, it is a different matter and only a 
 few sporadic cases occur. The Panama Zone is a 
 magnificent exposition of what science can effect. 
 
 We buried our dead in the Palisades, a ghastly place 
 of crumbling tombs invaded by land-crabs, just outside 
 Port Royal. One could hardly help surmising ' Whose 
 turn next? ' The burial ground at Fort Augusta is now 
 used. This fort stands on a spit of land which dominates 
 the passage to Kingston but has been abandoned for 
 many years ; the legend connected with' it has been dealt 
 with in my book An Admiral's Yarns. 
 
 Port Royal existed for the dockyard. It was purely 
 a naval station, and it lies at the extremity of a re- 
 markable spit of land which' forms the fine Harbour of 
 Kingston. Possessing great possibilities, the harbour 
 should be provided with a dry dock that could be con- 
 structed at Rock Springs, to the eastward of the town, 
 The strategic importance of the port is significant now 
 that the Panama Canal is in being.
 
 68 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 A detachment of a West Indian regiment was stationed 
 at Port Royal and some black gunners. The dockyard 
 was very well kept, and except that it lacked a dry dock 
 was efficient ; there was a good house for the Commodore 
 and the usual ' Harmony Row ' for the officials. The 
 remainder of the village was ramshackle and the roads 
 ill -kept. The population depended on the Services for 
 their living, and was of all shades of colour, from 
 ebony to almost wh,ite ; many of the latter bore very 
 familiar Service names. It is not for me to say what they 
 were or whether they were entitled to bear them. I can 
 only repeat a remark which a somewhat brazen youth made 
 at a teafight, namely, that " At Port Royal it is a wise 
 child who knows its own Father." The men earned a 
 living by fishing and boating. The ladies washed for the 
 Services and were capital laundresses. When a new ship 
 arrived on the station it was invaded by a bevy of these 
 women of all shades all equally clamorous to secure 
 custom. Persistently flourishing certificates before one's 
 face, they emphasized their qualities as washerwomen with 
 no uncertain bash fulness. " I the best washerwoman here, 
 Sir. You know Admiral Belay? He my father." -"You 
 know Captain Crosstree? He my brother." And there 
 was no peace until you had made a selection. It was the 
 same at all the islands except that family connections were 
 mostly confined to Port Royal. Who does not remember 
 Sally Cook, Josephine Johnson, Mary Ann Smith, Betsy 
 Pastry and others? They still gave Dignity Balls, for the 
 description of which I must refer my readers to Marryat, 
 for they had gone out of fashion in my time. 
 
 One could write much on this interesting place, once 
 the home of pirates and buccaneers, finally a post for the 
 Royal Navy. Imagination runs riot on the scenes that 
 have occurred there. Perhaps the most catastrophic were 
 when it was overwhelmed by earthquake in 1 692, destroyed 
 by fire in 1703, and partially submerged by the sea in 
 1722. The earthquake in 1910 did comparatively little 
 damage. On Gallows Point I saw the remains of the 
 very erection on which pirates were hung, as described by 
 Michael Scott in Tom Cringle's Log. The port is now 
 abandoned as a naval station. 
 
 The Constance established a sanatorium at Apostles 
 Battery, Port Henderson. It is so named as it mounted 
 twelve guns. It was an incalculable boon to our sick, for 
 it was too risky to send ordinary cases to the fine naval
 
 69 
 
 hospital, where they would have been liable to infection 
 from other patients. No ship ought to have been left 
 among such conditions. Later an order was issued that 
 any ship in which fever broke out was at once to start 
 for the North ; it doubtless saved numbers of lives, for 
 usually the fever disappeared when Bermuda was reached. 
 Nevertheless, Happy Valley, the picturesque graveyard 
 belonging to the Service, contains several graves of victims 
 to the scourge, and the island has been known to have 
 epidemics of it. On the last occasion of an epidemic at 
 Port Royal five officers out of seven belonging to the 
 Aboukir, guardship, died. .We owe a deep debt of 
 gratitude to the splendid men who devote their lives to 
 medical discovery and research. 
 
 At last the coy and reluctant Phoebe put in an 
 appearance ; we played her in to the tune of ' Where have 
 you been all the day? ' cleared out with all despatch for 
 Bermuda, and one breezy morning arrived of! the - Vexed 
 Bermoothes,' for it does blow hard in that part of the 
 world. Boreas is most impartial and has a dangerous 
 habit of shifting eight points (ninety degrees), or more, 
 quite suddenly, which is highly inconvenient for sailing 
 ships, to put it mildly. Happy Valley contains two 
 witnesses to this in the shape of memorials to the Acorn 
 and Contest, Sloops that were lost off the island with all 
 hands. They were in company with the Hussar frigate, 
 and were last seen just before a shift of wind, which the 
 frigate dealt with successfully. 
 
 Off St. George's we met the Royal Alfred, the new 
 flagship, from Halifax, with the Admiral to winter at 
 Bermuda, where there is a most comfortable Admiralty 
 House. The grounds contain some wonderful tunnels con- 
 structed by the celebrated Admiral Lord Dundonald. Of 
 course, she brought the Admiral's Lady, his carriage, 
 horses, his ox and his ass, and all his entourage. It was 
 the custom of the times. 
 
 Following in her wake (with becoming humility), we 
 steamed up to Grassy Bay, off Ireland Island, where the 
 dockyard is situated, getting a good view of the islands 
 as we passed along the coast ; the natives claim to have 
 one for each day of the year. The islands are a contrast 
 to the West Indies, for the highest point only reaches an 
 elevation of 260 feet. It is of coral formation, and the 
 inhabitants use the material to build their houses, usually 
 without a fireplace, for in this blessed country coal is not
 
 70 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 needed. If we could only shift these islands of ours to 
 a like position and do the miners in the eye we 
 would 1 
 
 The bay is a bad anchorage, open to all winds, and in 
 spite of the reefs a very heavy sea runs at times. How- 
 ever, we did not remain long outside, but proceeded into 
 the Camber. This is an artificial harbour formed by a 
 stone breakwater with three arms, enclosing several acres 
 and capable of sheltering many ships. In 1868 a floating 
 dock was towed out that had a lifting power of 11,000 
 tons, and the area of the Camber has been considerably 
 increased. The Camber was built by convicts in the bad 
 old days ; they were housed on board an old frigate, the 
 Tenedos, and there is a ghastly tale of an emeate which 
 was put down in the usual manner vi et armis. Numbers 
 were flogged, and they were literally decimated, every tenth 
 man being shot. The frigate was being broken up and 
 her timbers, of good old English oak, were still sound. 
 She had been put together with copper bolts ; such bolts 
 are invaluable on board ship, and discovering the above 
 fact, when no one was about after work was finished, we 
 but 'nuff said. 
 
 The dockyard still had, in addition to the warders, 
 sentries posted, furnished by infantry stationed in barracks 
 overlooking the yard. These sentries would allow) nobody 
 to pass after dark without a countersign, which fact often 
 led to trouble if the pedestrian had forgotten the word- 
 as frequently happened. The delinquent would find him- 
 self shepherded into the sentry-box at the bayonet's point. 
 Once the culprit was a woman. In reply to the sentry's 
 challenge she had to admit that she did not remember 
 the word, but added, " I am the Admiral's Lady," to which 
 the man replied with a strict sense of duty, " If you 
 were the Admiral's Wife I wouldn't let you pass! " 
 
 One night while on watch I was told by the quarter- 
 master that there was something strange in the water 
 near the ship. I had the dinghy manned, and taking a 
 lantern, went to investigate. I tried to see what it was, 
 until at last a hoarse voice cried, '' Take that damned 
 lanterni out of my eyes." It was one of the Lieutenants, 
 who had forgotten the password and so had adopted 
 the means of swimming off in preference to being locked 
 out with no possibility of accommodation. 
 
 The Bermudas have so often been described that it 
 need not be attempted too fully. kWe fairly revelled in
 
 THE CONSTANCE 71 
 
 the change ; the climate was grand and the coloured folk 
 were reasonably polite ; they had not been spoilt. The 
 latter are descendants of slaves, and it is remarkable what 
 a type of their own they have assumed. Their features 
 are decidedly more aquiline, and they are less dusky 
 than the darkies of the West Indies, but they have the 
 same faults, vanity being one of them. In later years my 
 wife gave our washerwoman an old pair of black lace 
 stockings, and when she next appeared she had them on, 
 but she had first put on a pair of white ones to show 
 them off. 
 
 The families have been there for a long period ; 
 originally slave owners, they have been forced by circum- 
 stances to keep stores, but none has suffered loss of 
 position. Many naval and military officers have found 
 wives among the charming girls of the island. One 
 announcement of such a happy event provoked much 
 merriment. The bride was described as the daughter of 
 a General. So he was, but the title was not given in full ; 
 it should have been General Dealer. 
 
 The roads are shaded by cedar trees which seem to 
 scent the air, especially in the neighbourhood of the little 
 yards where famous sailing boats are built. The scenery 
 is charming ; the little creeks and miniature harbours, 
 the picturesque cottages all with whitewashed roofs to 
 catch rain and fill the tanks ; the Bermudian is dependent 
 on the rainfall for his water for drinking and washing 
 purposes ; an occasional ferry to cross to the next island, 
 the frequent sight of a blue or red bird (Blue Robin and 
 Cardinal Bird), which are protected by law, and you 
 have a coup d'aeil that is hard to beat. 
 
 At night when the moon obliges these walks are 
 particularly enchanting. The white sandy road is en- 
 shrouded at times by dense masses of trees ; their gloomy 
 and shadowy depths seem to contain some mystery. You 
 plunge into one of these tunnels and its darksome solitude 
 induces a feeling of awe. Then a sudden emergence 
 under a cloudless sky dominated by a brilliant moon 
 and sprinkled profusely with myriads of twinkling stars, 
 and tranquillity succeeds. The only disturbing factor is 
 the shrilling of the cicadas, a harsh and tuneless solo to 
 the gently murmurous obligate of the wavelets rippling 
 on the sandy beach'. 
 
 Why is it that the stars twinkle with' increase'd 
 brilliancy and the moon is so much brighter? A woman
 
 72 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 once asked me the reason, and my jesting- reply was, " This 
 is a different moon to our English one." To my surprise 
 she took it literally, and I was mean enough to let it go 
 at that. 
 
 We had great times with the Royal Alfred. Being 
 the first ironclad that we had met, she was naturally an 
 object of great interest. Converted from a liner she was 
 still heavily sparred. Many enjoyable gatherings took 
 place and we organized singsongs, suppers, and got up 
 theatricals at which some of the mids made their debut 
 in women's characters. Our most ambitious effort was a 
 burlesque in one act, entitled Shylock, or the Merchant 
 of Venice preserved, an entirety new rendering of Shake- 
 speare." It gave an immense amount of amusement to 
 the performers and audience. The programme was a 
 masterpiece, the libretto by Francis Talfourd and the in- 
 cidental music was supplied by an officer, a Musical 
 Bachelor, rather rare in those days. 
 
 And there were the seining parties, a cutter to convey 
 the party, a dinghy to shoot the seine, and a sandy cove 
 for the scene of operations. Light a fire on the beach, 
 put the best of the catch on to fry, and you will learn 
 what fried fish really is. A cold meat pie to follow, 
 washed down by Bass, and you have a Barmecidal banquet. 
 Conclude the treatment with baccy and a singsong and 
 return to the ship healthily tired and happy about 
 midnight. 
 
 About this time the Favourite, an armour-plated cor- 
 vette, arrived. An unfortunate affair occurred on board. 
 A drunken prisoner in irons under the sentry's charge was 
 ordered to be gagged on account of the annoyance he 
 gave by his bad language. When he became quiet the 
 sentry removed the gag and discovered that the man was 
 dead, having been suffocated. This tragedy led to orders 
 forbidding prisoners to be gagged. The operation used 
 to be performed by putting a belaying pin between the 
 jaws and lashing it behind the head. After its dis- 
 continuance I have known the sentry to be supplied with 
 a bucket of water and a cup with which he washed out 
 the prisoner's mouth when he made use of offensive 
 language 1 
 
 We now prepared for our passage to the North', and in 
 March, 1868, left for Quebec with' orders to call at 
 Halifax. The usual passage was experienced, and after 
 passing through the Gulf Stream, we escaped fog, the
 
 THE CONSTANCE 73 
 
 mariner's dread and the pest of that part of the world. 
 The Gulf Stream is so clearly defined off the coast of 
 America that a blockade runner with a warship in hot pursuit 
 during the Civil War, noticing the line of demarcation 
 gradually edged over into it and escaped by its aid. 
 Apparently the hunter had not so keen a power of 
 observation as his quarry. As it was we turned in in 
 tropical fashion, and were awakened during the night 
 by intense cold, glad to pile on blankets, for we had got 
 into the arctic current which runs counter to the stream, 
 all this in the period of little over an hour. 
 
 Halifax did not impress us very much, but the sur- 
 rounding country makes amends. Both are pretty much 
 the same still: they were at my last visit in ,.1894. 
 Most of the houses were built of wood, and fires were 
 frequent. But what a change in prices! Salmon six- 
 pence a pound, a fat goose for eighteen pence and so on. 
 The gunroom lived like fighting cocks. On shore we 
 got gargantuan feeds for the modest sum of eighteen 
 pence. 
 
 Halifax had a small dockyard, later on a dry dock 
 was constructed that had been much needed. Here we 
 saw the first trams (horse cars), which tinkled along in 
 most leisurely fashion. 
 
 We did not remain long ; the navigation of the St. 
 Lawrence, closed during the winter months, was just 
 declared open, so we left early in April for Quebec. 
 
 During our stay at Bermuda our Captain left us to 
 take up a home appointment, and his successor arrived 
 before we left. The son of a distinguished Field-Marshal, 
 Hugh Talbot Burgoyne, our new Captain, had earned 
 the V.C. in the Naval Brigade during the Crimean War ; 
 he had been promoted rapidly and was a younger man 
 than the Commander, but he was possessed of infinite tact 
 and bonhomie, and soon became popular with all of us. 
 With him came his wife, who proved a good friend to 
 us youngsters. He was not one to let the grass grow 
 under his feet. The Fenian disturbances were still in 
 existence, and a ship was wanted to provide crews for 
 extempore gunboats in addition to three regular ones 
 already stationed on the lakes, so we pushed ahead, and 
 on the w'ay passed through extensive icefields and had 
 our first view of icebergs. These always look better at 
 a distance. Arriving in the Gulf of Newfoundland we 
 had a rough experience. At midnight sail had been
 
 74 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 shortened, and the ship was about to be ' Hove To ' for 
 soundings. A heavy squall struck us, and in a trice all 
 three topsails were in rags, and the topgallant sails, blown 
 out of the bolt-ropes, were skurrying away to leeward. 
 Luckily the spars stood with the exception of the jibboom, 
 which went short off in the cap. 
 
 It was a case for ' All Hands/ and a heavy job it 
 proved. The topsails were flogging the air like cart- 
 whips, while what was left of the jibboom pounded under 
 the bows as if it was trying to get on board. No doubt 
 it resented being out on such a night, and who would 
 blame it? The wind howled in its very worst manner ; 
 the temperature fell below zero, and the whole affair. was 
 topdressed with sleet and snow. The men had great 
 difficulty in getting aloft, so unneighbourly were the 
 elements. Af.ter two years of tropical life it proved to 
 be more than some of the men could stand, and we sent 
 down numbers with frost bites and chills ; it was early 
 morning before the fight was over. However, during the 
 struggle we had raised steam, under which we reached 
 Quebec, taking in a pilot at Father Point. A pilot is 
 absolutely necessary on that river, as the buoys get out of 
 position frequently owing to the rapid current, and local 
 conditions are always changing. 
 
 It has been noticed, probably, that a ship had to be 
 ' Hove To ' to take soundings ; in other words, to 
 ascertain the depth of water in her assumed position. 
 This obsolete operation may be worth describing. It 
 commenced with an order to ' Pass the line Along,' that 
 being done by a portion of the watch distributed from 
 the stern to the forecastle, the line being passed outside 
 everything from aft forward, and the end attached to 
 the deepsea lead on the forecastle. Each man as he 
 passed the line forward retained a small coil in his hands ; 
 the reason for this will be seen directly. The deepsea 
 lead was a bar of that material and weighed fifty-six 
 pounds : it was about two feet long and two to three inches 
 thick ; the lower end was concave and filled with tallow, 
 to obtain the nature of the bottom ; this was called 
 4 Arming the Lead.' When all was ready the ship was 
 ' Hove To * if under sail, or the engines stopped if under 
 steam. When the way was checked the officer of the 
 watch gave the order ' Heave,' upon which the lead was 
 thrown overboard from the forecastle. Each man in 
 succession, as he felt the weight of the lead, threw his
 
 THE CONSTANCE 75 
 
 coil overboard clear of all obstructions, such as the guns 
 or chains, and called out " Watch there, Watch," as an 
 admonition to the next man, or if he felt bottom, 
 announced the fact and the number of fathoms, which 
 could be told by the marks on the lead line. If no 
 soundings were called, it devolved on the quartermasters 
 to endeavour to get one from the stern. The line was 
 then hauled in. The first thing to be done was to examine 
 the arming and note the nature of the sand, stones or 
 shells. It is obvious that if the navigating officer had a 
 pretty accurate knowledge of the position and the results 
 obtained tallied with it as shown on the chart, this process 
 went a long way toward verifying it. 
 
 But under favourable circumstances it was a crude 
 performance, and navigation in those days was a bold 
 Flapper with limited means and appliances, who has in 
 these days developed into a charming Goddess with a 
 toilet table full of artistic accessories. Take by way of 
 illustration Thompson's (Lord Kelvin) sounding machine, 
 patent log, and compass. If we had only had them! 
 Nevertheless, we got about all right, but what price 
 Columbus and the early navigators? Their courage fills 
 one with admiration. 
 
 The arming gives useful information to the navigator. 
 Owing to our splendid surveys the nature of the bottom 
 round the British Isles is well known. It is said that 
 old and experienced hands in the coasting trade navigate 
 solely by the lead and their knowledge of the coast. 
 Several of these worthies used to forgather in a public- 
 house that we will call Tomkin's Bar in Tarry town. One 
 of them was very pretentious as to his capabilities with 
 regard to the above. His cronies conspired to give him 
 a lesson ; accordingly they bribed his men, and scraping 
 up some of the sand off the floor of the taproom gave it 
 to them to be put on the arming. This they did on the 
 first opportunity, and took it to their intended victim, who 
 was asleep in his bunk. They roused him ; he sat up, 
 rubbed his eyes, looked at the arming for a second or 
 two, and then shouted out, " Holy Moses, let go the 
 anchor, we are on the top of Tomkin's Bar! " 
 
 These old soakers were rare good seamen, and so 
 were the quartermasters in the Navy. We always had 
 two on watch at sea, one of whom was responsible for 
 the steering and the other for the con. When steering 
 by the wind the latter's position was on the conning
 
 76 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 stool to windward, whence he conned the ship. Then 
 were heard the quaint old sea terms now obsolete, and 
 which must sound more or less like a foreign language 
 to the modern sailor, such as * Luff/ ' No Higher,' ' Very, 
 well Thus,' ' Nothing Off,' and so on. These orders 
 were always repeated by the quartermaster at the binnacle, 
 and the two performed a kind of duet. 
 
 The passage up the river for the first hundred miles 
 is like an arm of the sea. Higher up we see the cul- 
 tivated land on each side with picturesque villages. Being 
 the land of the French ^Canadians, the houses and churches 
 have an individuality of their own, and could not be 
 mistaken for anything in the way of English architecture. 
 Many of the villages are summer resorts. 
 
 At Quebec it is necessary to moor. The river is 
 tidal, and the ebb makes with great force. Woe betide 
 .anyone who falls overboard. We always kept lifebuoys 
 veered astern, and they were the means of saving several 
 lives. Many large rafts of timber used to float down 
 the river to be loaded into the timber ships that fre- 
 quented Quebec. As a rule they were skilfully handled, 
 but were not always under control ; once a large raft 
 under the above condition split across the bows of our 
 ship, the two parts scraping along the sides. The launches 
 were lying at the booms, and they were lifted out of the 
 water and rode over the logs, taking the water again 
 when the logs had passed under ; it was a quaint 
 sight. ! ! 
 
 Opposite the spot where we lay, a large plate, fixed some 
 height up the cliff, announced "Here Montgomery fell." 
 He was the leader of an unsuccessful attack by the 
 Americans in 1775. 
 
 The view from the citadel or from the Eastern batteries 
 is very fine. On the opposite shore is the town of Levis. 
 In the foreground is the Isle d'Orleans, and in the middle 
 distance to the Northward are the falls of Montmorency, 
 300 feet high. On each side flows a river ; they unite, 
 and encircling the island stretch away in far distance. 
 Numerous craft are plying and many are moored along- 
 side the wharves, while down below the busy life of the 
 lower town goes on in full view. 
 
 Two regiments of foot and some artillery were 
 quartered in the city, and another regiment lay at Point 
 Levis. The townspeople were remarkably hospitable. 
 Dances and picnics were the order of the day. But it
 
 THE CONSTANCE 77 
 
 must not be imagined that we made no return, although' 
 that was not what these kind people were out for. We 
 occasionally gave an afternoon hop, when with the guns 
 run forward, housed in by awnings, and the deck french- 
 chalked, we kept it up until dark. Those Canadian girls 
 danced well, in spite of the crinoline the fashion of that 
 period. The dance most in vogue was the Trois-temps valse, 
 graceful and pretty. All these modern ones, such as Bunny 
 Hugs, Turkey Trots, and Jazzes, seem to be a debased form 
 of the valse, and with the exception of the Tango have 
 no style. They seem a case of ' go as you please,' and 
 girls have to take a partner with them 1 or else they get 
 left. But dances, like fashions, go in cycles. At that 
 time the Varsoviana and Schottische, the Polka Valse, 
 Galop, Mazurka, Lancers and Quadrille were the vogue. 
 The Highland Schottische and Barn Dance succeeded, 
 and now we have the grotesque dances alluded to above. 
 It certainly fascinates one to Watch 1 the performers in- 
 dulge in sympathetic wriggles and joggles with serious 
 faces, as if in agony as to whether their steps don't fit. 
 The old dances may come in again. True, the square 
 dances were for the Chaperons, although the young ones 
 enjoyed them too. Now Chaperons are out of fashion. 
 Anxious mothers are things of the past or else sternly 
 repressed. Fathers don't count, and Lucinda is eman- 
 cipated and fully able to take care of herself. Tempora 
 miitantar. 
 
 We despatched a party of men and officers to the lakes 
 to man the two hired steamers that were to act as gun- 
 boats in case of any more Fenian troubles, and they had 
 plenty of yarns for us when they returned in October, 
 when we left for Halifax en route for Plymouth to piay 
 off. They seemed to have had a glorious time, but we 
 remained faithful to 'Quebec. The hour of parting arrived, 
 and making our adieux we tore ourselves away ; rather 
 the ship did it for us. With the band playing ' The Girl 
 I left behind Me ' we steamed down the river in full 
 view of our friends who had assembled on the terrace to 
 see us off. 
 
 Part of the i6th foot that had been on active service 
 in upper Canada embarked on board for passage to 
 Halifax. A frigate's maindeck did not lend itself to 
 trooping. The officers were taken into the wardroom, 
 but for the men it was a makeshift. On the first night 
 a startling episode occurred. One of the privates ran
 
 78 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 amok on the maindeck with a drawn bayonet ; he was 
 disarmed luckily without doing any damage. The subal- 
 terns slept in cots on the maindeck ; it was curious how 
 many of them came down the first night. Perhaps the 
 mids knew the why and wherefore, and could have dilated 
 on the subtleties of a slippery hitch. But once bit, twice 
 shy. 
 
 Off Halifax the engines broke down, which was not 
 at all polite with guests on board. A fresh breeze was 
 blowing into the harbour and we made sail. The 
 harbour, off the dockyard, is not too spacious, so we 
 kept well over to the North shore and shortened sail to 
 round to ; she had a perverse fit and would not. A gun- 
 boat was lying alongside and seemed destined to be our 
 prey, and her crew ' abandoned ship ' with remark- 
 able celerity. We let go an anchor, ran out several 
 shackles and boused to, but the cable snapped like 
 packthread ; a second anchor was called upon and 
 responded nobly, and with the maintopsail set aback we 
 brought up. All this with the flagship looking on I How- 
 ever, the gunbo.at was saved for further service in H.M. 
 Navy. The unfortunate cutters had a painful experience 
 groping for the anchors. Experto crede! 
 
 This was not the only experience of seeking for lost 
 property. Some spars were brought off late one evening 
 and made fast alongside ; they broke adrift and the officer 
 of the watch sent the cutters away at midnight to search 
 for them. It was bitter weather, dark as pitch, snowing 
 and freezing ; the spray froze on us. After we had shoved 
 off a furious blizzard burst and we just managed to fetch 
 the dockyard. We marched both crews up to the guard- 
 house, where we found the Commander wind-bound. It 
 took off a bit and he ordered both boats to be manned 
 again. Orders are orders, but it took us over an hour 
 to fetch off to the ship (about 500 yards), and I think 
 he was regretting it all the way. I was so numbed 
 that I had to be carried up the side ; a thoughtful 
 Lieutenant gave me three fingers of rum and I turned 
 in under a pile of blankets, but it was hours before I 
 was warm. 
 
 Being -under orders for home, no time was lost, and 
 a few days later, with the inevitable band accompani- 
 ment, our men cheering and the ships in harbour 
 responding, we slipped our buoy and moved slowly ahead. 
 Horrors ! The buoy fouled our screw and further
 
 THE CONSTANCE 79 
 
 progress was ignominiously arrested ! Off came dock- 
 yard lighters and divers, and twenty-four hours after- 
 wards we crept bashfully out of harbour. .We had a 
 very rough passage, a succession of Easterly gales, until 
 we picked up the .Westerlies and arrived at Plymouth 
 on December 9, 1868. Three days before our arrival 
 we passed a derelict full-rigged ship. She hailed from 
 St. John's, New Brunswick. ,We hove to and sent a 
 boat, but not even the proverbial cat was on board. 
 ,We stood on, leaving another mystery, of the sea behind 
 us. It seemed to me extraordinary that we did not 
 bring her in ; she was not waterlogged and would have 
 been good salvage. But we were homeward bound to 
 pay off, and the girls at Plymouth must have had hold 
 of the towrope. 
 
 Without further ;adventure we dropped anchor in 
 Plymouth Sound. The old Admiralty pattern anchor with 
 its wooden stock was a most dependable friend. To 
 stow it the operation was performed by the use of two 
 tackles known by the quaint titles of the ' Cat * and the 
 4 Fish,' the anchor being first ' Catted ' and then 
 ' Fished.' One would suppose that the cat would in 
 ordinary circumstances go after the fish. 
 
 Of course, the ship h,ad to have a paying-off in- 
 spection, never so formidable as one during the com- 
 mission. One does not care whether the inspecting officer 
 raises ' Cain ' or not, but no decent man wants to find 1 
 fault on such an occasion. After this the ship was taken 
 into the Hamoaze to be stripped. All hands dug out 
 to get Christmas at home ; we had just twelve working 
 days. .We worked double tides overtime is not known 
 in the Navy guns were returned, stores cleared out, coal 
 bunkers emptied, and masts and yards returned, only 
 the lower masts being left for the dockyard riggers to 
 take out. This operation necessitated a ship going 
 alongside the sheer-hulk. At Devonport, the Kent, 
 and old two-decker, served this useful purpose. After 
 this had been done the ship would be moored in Rotten 
 Row. 
 
 The Kent was a weird -looking craft. With its 
 enormous sheerlegs it looked as if it would easily capsize. 
 Many ships performed quite useful functions in their old 
 age, and conversion into a sheer -hulk was one. It seems 
 to me that when Dibdin described Tom Bowling as a 
 sheer-hulk he committed a lapsus calami, and ought to
 
 80 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 have designated bin* with more correctness and point- 
 as a me re -hulk. 
 
 The paying-off ceremony was conducted by the Flag- 
 Captain, who inspected the ship, poking his nose into 
 every nook and corner. For the last time the roll of 
 the drum resounded along the decks as the men fell in. 
 Never again as a body should we, meet, and, in spite 
 of cheering thoughts of home, one's reflections were rather 
 mournful. Many happy days we had spent together ; 
 with these honest fellows we had overcome many dangers. 
 There was, and I believe there still is, a strong tie of 
 mutual esteem between officers and men of the Royal 
 Navy. i 
 
 One by one the men filed past the Captain and 
 Officers to receive the sums due to them. Some of them 
 who had been prudent received comparatively large sums, 
 one man taking over 200 ,1 he had been very thrifty and 
 had done a lot of tailoring for his shipmates. After 
 being paid they were free to leave the ship on the six 
 weeks' leave granted them! as a reward for over three 
 years' foreign service ! ; 
 
 Outside the dockyard gates they would' be met by 
 expectant people, not always of the right sort. There 
 was a large class that found the bluejacket an easy 
 prey, but I don't think it holds good now. Jack's 
 surname is not Juggins ; he is just as goodhearted and 
 charitable as ever, but with education hias come prudence. 
 With all their pay on them, many of our men must have 
 been squeezed dry by the harpies ever on the lookout 
 for such an opportunity. Subsequently the Admiralty 
 established the banking system, by which a man can 
 get a percentage on his money and draw it out as he 
 needs it. Many a man has been saved by the above, 
 and the Admiralty deserve credit for it, so all honour 
 to them. iWe are ready enough to blame them. 
 
 The Marines marched off to their barracks, and 
 thereby escaped the delicate attentions of the Delilahs 
 and Jews for a time. Later on- it became the custom 
 for the ship's company to march to the dockyard gates, 
 whence they dispersed, and the police kept off the 
 privateers. 
 
 ; A very smart Corvette paid off about this time : the 
 Captain was a fine man, a good officer, strict but just, 
 and not given to much verbiage. He was most popular 
 with the crew, and the men fell in on the jetty and
 
 THE CONSTANCE 81 
 
 expressed a wish that he would bid thent goodbye. The 
 First-Lieutenant went to the Captain and informed him 
 that the men would appreciate a few final words. He 
 did not keep them waiting, and soon his head appeared 
 above the hammock nettings ; he looked at them for a 
 few moments and then made his speech. " You may 
 all go to hell, and I'm damned glad to get rid of you." 
 It was answered by three cheers they knew what he 
 meant and they marched off chuckling delightedly. The 
 same man once administered a severe snub to a bumptious 
 young Lieutenant. It was not the custom in those days 
 for officers to wish each other ' Good Morning.' I don't 
 know why, but it wasn't- A man is not at his best before 
 breakfast ! The young fellow, seeing the Captain come 
 on deck, advanced in an airy fashion and wished him 
 4 Good Morning.' The Captain looked at him for a 
 moment and then replied, " Good Morning be damned, 
 Sir ; go the other side of the deck." 
 
 So, on the 24th of December, 1 8 68, the Constance 
 paid off, too late for some of us to get home until the 
 following day, myself one of them. iWe mids repaired 
 to Morshead's Hotel, Devonport, a great rendezvous for 
 junior officers. There we dined together for the last 
 time in a somewhat subdued mood, for, as Marryat has 
 demonstrated, even midshipmen have feelings. One of 
 our number, in a sentimental mood, went back to the 
 ship and kept a lonely vigil until the hauling down of 
 the pendant the following morning. The youth became 
 a parson and when we next met held a living in Nova 
 Scotia. It was the last commission for three more. 
 One entered the Chinese Customs and rose to a high 
 position, another went out to Canada, married and settled 
 there was Quebec responsible for this? and the last 
 had a promising career cut short by consumption. In 
 such a manner did the disintegration of the gunroom 
 commence and I believe it to be fairly typical. Now 
 nearly all have passed over. ;We survivors old and 
 on the shelf sit musing and recalling the joyous days 
 of youth and the happy hours we spent. ' Bis pueri 
 senes.' I reached home in time for Christmas 
 festivities and settled down to enjoy my brief spell of 
 leave. i . 
 
 6
 
 CHAPTER V 
 THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON 
 
 Death makes no conquest of this Conqueror ; 
 For now he lives in fame, though not in life. 
 
 AT the termination of my leave I joined the above ship, 
 and several of my late shipmates joined too. 
 
 The Duke was now guardship, and though a larger 
 and finer ship than the Victory, she lacked the air of 
 historic romance that pervaded the latter. The famous 
 soldier was appropriately represented by, the huge three- 
 decker that bore his name. Largest of the kind ever 
 built by the British, and armed with 121 guns, she seemed 
 the incarnation of majestic splendour. 
 
 We were introduced into a scene of endless bustle ; 
 amidst it all we moved insignificant and apparently 
 unheeded, nobody's children. Being now senior mid- 
 shipmen, we had nothing to fear from the oldsters, and 
 we made full use of our freedom. 
 
 Portsmouth was not an ideal place for idle youths. 
 At that time there was no Early Closing Act, and the 
 hotels for the better class, and the pubs for the others, 
 kept open until the early morning. Consequently, there 
 were sounds of revelry by night and the pickets had a 
 good deal of rough work at times. In those days there 
 were no naval pickets ; as a result Jack was not much 
 interfered with but avoided, as far as possible, by the 
 comparatively small police force. Disturbances took 
 place frequently, and there were certain streets that would 
 have been unsafe for the police to venture into. 
 
 High Street was the busy and important street of 
 the town ; it is full of interest. Here is the George 
 Hotel, from which Nelson embarked in September, 1805, 
 escaping by a ladder from a back window and going 
 off from the beach to avoid the crowd. Nearly opposite 
 is the old church of St. Thomas. It dates from the
 
 THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON 88 
 
 twelfth century and has far more interesting souvenirs 
 than my limited space permits me to describe. Three 
 instances must suffice. First, the organ that is two 
 hundred years old, intended for the Cathedral of Toledo, 
 but the vessel that was taking it was wrecked in the 
 vicinity. Secondly, the gilt model of a ship presented in 
 1710 by Prince George (to serve as a weather vane), 
 a quaint old relic that would bear closer inspection. 
 Lastly, in this church Charles II was married to the 
 Infanta of Portugal, whereby the nation acquired Bombay 
 and (according to Charles) made a better bargain than 
 he did. 
 
 Higher up, on the other side, is the house in which 
 George Villiers, first Duke of Buckingham; was assassi- 
 nated in 1628, while lower down stood the 'Blue Posts ' 
 of Marryat's time, since burned down, and still farther 
 the Star and Garter at the Point, where in Joe Spencer's 
 time we called for a milk punch while waiting for the 
 Gosport ferry. Its rooms have been occupied by Hood, 
 St. Vincent, Nelson, Sir John Franklin, William III, when 
 Duke of Clarence, and Louis Phillipe, when in exile. 
 The Fountain ' was another well-known hostelry ; it was 
 converted into an officers' house, but I believe failed in 
 that direction. I am not surprised, for a friend of mine 
 told me that he put up there with his wife, but as she 
 was invariably addressed as ' Miss ' he thought it was 
 a bit dubious and removed at an early opportunity. 
 
 Just think of the associations connected with the old 
 street. The distinguished officers who have taken the 
 air there. One can picture the voluminous blue uniforms, 
 the huge cocked hats, superimposed on powdered wig 
 and pigtail, the dress sword cocked at a swaggering 
 angle, the kerseymere breeches, silk stockings and 
 buckled shoes. 
 
 There they met, gossiped, snuffed and adjourned 
 to the ' George ' for a glass of sherry, port or punch, 
 over which they continued their discussions on the 
 fortunes of war or the dullness of peace. How ' Fighting 
 Jack Hardy ' of the Brilliant had brought in another 
 prize, the lucky dog I The latest promotions, scandals 
 and Bob Wilder's losses at cards. Now its glories 
 have departed ; shops and residents have moved to South- 
 sea, and High Street is naught but a street of silent 
 memories . 
 
 It was still a walled town in 1869 ; the walls and
 
 84 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 ramparts were not removed until 1875. Ingress and 
 egress was not permitted between certain liours. With' 
 increased and improved armaments more forts had been 
 constructed out at Hilsea, three miles off on the edge 
 of the creeks which cut off Portsea from the mainland, 
 thus making it an island. Then more were built at 
 Portsdown and at Spithead until the entire neighbour- 
 hood fairly bristled with them, and the monument to 
 Nelson, on the hill, no longer stood in splendid isolation. 
 
 Now, with the exception of the saluting battery on 
 Governor's Green, all the town walls and batteries have 
 disappeared, but some of the fine old gateways have 
 been preserved. The huge tidal basin, known as the 
 Mill Pond, which was formed by excavating earth to 
 build the ramparts, has been filled in again by materials 
 derived from the same ramparts, and serves the excellent 
 purpose of recreation -grounds for officers and men, 
 as well as providing official residences. A pleasing 
 substitute for mud and dirty water. 
 
 Our ancestors doted on forts, and what enormous 
 sums of money were lavished on them 1 The old bogey 
 of invasion always obsessed them. Portsmouth might 
 be taken on the land side and the dockyard destroyed 1 
 The amusing commentary to which is that the dock- 
 yard was outside the old fortifications ! Napoleon gave 
 up invasion in despair, but still the expenditure went on. 
 
 We see the same dread in the Great War. iWhy did 
 we keep a large army marking time on the East Coast, 
 when it would have probably turned the scale in our 
 favour had it been sent to France? We have had no 
 answer to that question and never will /have one, 
 Germany knew better than try it although this is the day 
 of steam, not sail, and there was no waiting for a fair 
 wind. If they had come, what a day, it would have 
 been for our fleet ! 
 
 In 1066 William the Conqueror successfully '(we must 
 admit to our great advantage) invaded' England. Since 
 that time there have been ten foreign invasions between 
 1069 and 1798 (the last). These may be catalogued 
 as two Spanish (including the Armada), one Danish, six 
 French, and one Dutch (when the last menaced Chatham), 
 and they may all be described as abortive. I doubt 
 whether the enemy himself expected to do more than 
 annoy our insular pride. A great deal, was made by writers 
 and speakers before the war, of the axiom that " .Qur
 
 THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON 85 
 
 frontiers are on the enemy's Coast Line." iWhen it came 
 to the push we had not the courage to act on it. 
 
 Now for the famous Hard, the water front outside 
 the dockyard gates. It was the great place of embarka- 
 cation, and the watermen did a fine business. Early 
 in the morning, when the liberty, men were going off 
 to the. Duke, the watermen stood by their boats calling 
 out ' What Oft I ' which earneddfor the ship that sobriquet. 
 The Hard, proper, is a stone causeway which runs into 
 the water from about the centre of the street and is an 
 aid to embarking at any state of the tide ; it was 
 surrounded on each side by thousands of oak logs season- 
 ing in the mud. There is no longer any need for them, 
 and I believe the Hard is now very little used. 
 
 The houses fronting the Hard were chiefly public - 
 houses with a few important and well-patronized shops. 
 The pubs did a roaring trade. For the officers there was 
 the Keppel's Head, or to give it its nickname, the ' Nut,' 
 a great rendezvous for the N.O. The waiter was always 
 kWilliam (in my time he was the ' One -Eyed '), and the 
 boy Cupid. For Welsh rarebits and bitter ale it was 
 unrivalled, and both formed the staple snack before going 
 off at night. 
 
 The Theatre Royal was in the Commercial Road, 
 near the railway -station. It was on the old-fashioned 
 lines, and the pit occupied the whole of the ground floor 
 up to the stage. The front row was reserved for us, 
 and was known as the ' Duke's Pew.' The prices were 
 low, and Friday night was the fashionable one for the 
 elite. It was the age of Burlesque (not Revue), such as 
 Black-eyed Susan and A 'Military Billy Taylor, both 
 by Burnand, an Extravaganza, The Pilgrim of Love, 
 by Byron, crammed full of jokes and puns, tuneful songs 
 (not yet lyrics), and dances. Then we were treated to 
 popular Opera-Bouffe, such as La Grande Duchesse by 
 Offenbach, in which the name part was taken by that 
 accomplished actress Emily Soldene, considered by many 
 critics to be a close rival of Schneider, the creatrix of 
 the part. 
 
 In the Burlesques were Edward Terry, Dewar, Fanny 
 Oliver and Kate Bishop, all well-known and popular 
 artists. A cordial feeling existed between the artists and 
 the audience, as the following incident may illustrate : 
 One evening the members of the Duke's Pew provided 
 themselves with cabbages, and at a given signal threw
 
 86 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 them on the stage. Edward Terry, with great in- 
 souciance, picked one up, saying, " As I am a sinner, 
 I'll have this for to-morrow's dinner." But the ladies 
 got their share of bouquets you may be sure. Oh for a 
 few of the old Burlesques again 1 Stage effects were not 
 so advanced or elaborate as they now are, but the per- 
 formers were in no whit inferior. Could any Indian 
 girl have been more fascinating than Kate Bishop 
 as Minehaha in Military Billy Taylor 1 My earliest 
 recollections of the stage are seeing Fechter in Monte 
 Christo when he appeared at the Adelphi in 1869, and 
 some of the stage effects were considered wonderful. tWe 
 seem to rely too much now on such garnish. 
 
 In a very unsavoury quarter, St. Mary's Street, was 
 a Music Hall. It was always spoken of as the ' Bell,' 
 although its proper name was the more poetical ' Blue- 
 bell.' It was of the old style, with a Chairman, whose 
 duty it was to announce the turns, and who sat surrounded 
 by a circle of admirers who kept him supplied with 
 drinks. At this time the chair was occupied by a well- 
 known character, a Mr. Howard Harris, to the mob 
 * Oward Arris.' On sornei nights, in response to loud calls 
 of invitation, he would oblige with ' John Barleycorn/ 
 an immense favourite, the audience doing full justice to 
 the refrain. Saturday was the great night, and some- 
 times furious rights took place between the jeunesse 
 doree and the citizens of the town. The former affected 
 the circle on the first floor, which was approached by 
 a broad staircase ; the latter patronized the pit, and 
 soldiers and sailors the gallery. A Sub once scattered 
 a handful of pepper over the pit, with the result that an 
 enraged and sneezing mob stormed the circle, which 
 defended itself at the head of the stairs. It was a 
 good strategic position, but numbers were beginning to 
 prevail, and the circle was in danger of rout. A cry 
 was raised of " Army and Navy to the rescue." Tommy 
 and Jack, who had been watching the fray with great 
 interest, did not need a second invitation, and came 
 swarming down the pillars. .With such a reinforcement 
 the ' cits ' were soon driven out of the premises. 
 
 Boxing had now become a highly popular recrea- 
 tion, and we all took lessons, our instructors being of 
 that class now defunct, the professional pugilist. We 
 had two worthies who rejoiced in the names of Tommy 
 Truckle and George Baker ; these excellent fellows put
 
 THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON 87 
 
 quite a decent notion of the fistte art into one for the 
 modest fee of a guinea, and many of us had occasion 
 at some time or other to feel glad that we had a slight 
 knowledge of it to fall back on. 
 
 As for the rowdyism, it was not, of course, very 
 creditable, but it was the spirit of the times when prize 
 fights were fought with the bare fist. Steam had to 
 be blown off sometimes, so Saturday nights acted as the 
 safety-valve, and we became normal again. 
 
 The music-hall performances may have been vulgar 
 and not high art, but they did not rely on innuendo 
 or veiled indecency for applause. Can the same be 
 said now? 
 
 But soon most of us were weary of the fleshpots, 
 and longing to go to sea again. To my great joy I was 
 appointed early in July, 1869, to H.M.S. Monarch, and 
 I quitted the unsatisfactory life of the Duke for one which 
 I felt would give me more insight into the serious duties 
 of my profession.
 
 CHAPTER VI 
 THE MONARCH 
 
 I am Monarch of all I survey, 
 My right there is none to dispute. 
 
 THE above lines of Cowper illustrate the position which 
 the fine ship Monarch held among her contemporaries. 
 She was the first seagoing turret ship and a most 
 imposing sight, heavily masted and a large area of 
 canvas, an unqualified incumbrance. To prepare for 
 battle all tophamper had to be sent down and the 
 shrouds cleared away, the only remaining support for 
 the huge iron masts being a solitary chain each side ; 
 all this had to be done before we could go to quarters, 
 and was no slouch of a job. Neither were the decks 
 suitable for working the ropes. This conservative 
 adherence to sail-power was largely responsible for the 
 loss of the illfated Captain, to be referred to later. 
 
 With the wind at all free these ironclads under sail 
 would make fair progress, but directly the wind hauled' 
 forward they became sluggish and crablike in motion ; 
 they seemed to have less buoyancy than their wooden 
 predecessors. Yet in a passage that we made coming 
 home from the United States we attained a speed of 
 fourteen knots under sail alone. It was blowing hard 
 with the wind dead aft, and we were carrying all our 
 canvas. Her progress was very stately, she did not roll 
 much, and must have looked very like a half -tide rock. 
 
 On joining I seemed to have got into a new Navy ; 
 a fine gunroom on the maindeck, a bathroom and chest- 
 flat to ourselves, and a lot of modern improvements every- 
 where. Not the least of them was an experimental effort 
 to light up the ship with gas. It was a signal failure. 
 iWho was the genius who got it installed? It must have 
 been an expensive experiment, and my recollections are 
 that it was very dim and emitted fearful stinks. 
 
 88
 
 THE MONARCH 89 
 
 The ship had been commissioned at Chatham and 
 was quite East -Country. There was a subtle difference 
 between these men and the more simple .West -Country- 
 men that I had been with. A scrap of conversation 
 overheard by me may, serve to illustrate. During an argu- 
 ment between two seamen gunners, one of them called 
 the other "A damned Fool." "Oh! am I?" replied 
 the other. " Now, what's radius? " The first man had 
 to confess his ignorance. " Well, who's the fool now?" 
 was the triumphant retort. 
 
 Again, a powerful and inexplicable odour prevailed 
 on the forecastle one morning that baffled investigation. 
 A man in my hearing remarked to a companion, " Do 
 you twig the Effluvia? " " Effluvium," corrected the 
 other. ' You've been reading the Court Guide," returned 
 his friend. 
 
 I found myself at school again, but our pedagogue 
 was no more competent to control us than the previous 
 one, he was much too soft and kind-hearted ; he was 
 near trie end of his service, and in our eyes quite aged. 
 He had a bad habit of spluttering when he spoke to 
 you, which to put it mildly was unpleasant. It was 
 particularly noticeable one day, so on the following 
 morning we all appeared in waterproofs 1 One morning 
 he arrived beaming, and informed us that his wife had 
 presented him with a baby, upon which one of the crowd 
 said, " Good Lord, Sir, who do you suspect? " This 
 was a bit too thick, and the offender spent a mauvdis 
 quart d'heure in the Captain's cabin. 
 
 The Monarch was naturally a great show ship, for 
 she was one of the earliest to be built entirely of iron. 
 She had a belt of iron armour right round her, brought 
 up over the stern, and also forward, to protect the 
 secondary batteries. The armament consisted of four 
 '12-inch M.L. guns, two in each turret, two 6|-ton guns 
 under the forecastle, and one of the same type aft as a 
 stern chaser. The turret was moved by steam-power 
 with alternating hand-gear, and she was fitted with a 
 steam capstan. Her freeboard was about 14 feet, and 
 there was a berthing of iron plates about three feet 
 high abreast of the turrets, which was let down when 
 the ship prepared for action, an uncommonly noisy 
 operation. 
 
 She could steam fourteen knots at full speed, and at 
 that her expenditure was 200 tons of coal per diem.
 
 90 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 As the stowage was only 600 tons, a more economical 
 rate had to be maintained. On our measured mile trials 
 we nearly had a very nasty accident. An inquisitive 
 yacht actually hove to right in our course to have a good 
 look at the new ship, and nothing but the promptitude 
 of our navigation officer averted disaster. ,We stopped 
 the trial, and the Captain sent an officer on board to 
 interview the owner. As the officer selected was one 
 who was well qualified for such' a job, it may be taken 
 that the expostulations were more than mild. Sad to 
 relate, an accident from the same cause did occur in 
 1875, when Her Majesty Queen Victoria was crossing 
 from Osborne in the Royal Yacht. On this occasion a 
 yacht was cut in half and sank immediately, and one of 
 the ladies on board was drowned. Lieutenant J. >R. 
 Fullerton of the Royal Yacht jumped overboard in full 
 dress and saved one of the party. 
 
 We: spent a good deal pf ; time in the dockyard ; some- 
 thing was generally going wrong with' the works. As 
 we lay alongside the jetty, we were constantly, having 
 visitors on board. Sometimes we used to show these 
 people round, especially if there were any pretty girls 
 among them, otherwise we handed them over to a blue- 
 jacket. Once while showing a girl (who came under 
 the former category), and her father round the ship I 
 drew somewhat on my imagination, and attributed 
 marvellous qualities to some of the internal arrangements. 
 Never were there so many inventions collected in a 
 warship before. My audience was most receptive, 
 especially the parent, who, when they parted, presented 
 me with his card. I looked at it and found that I had 
 been practising my persiflage on a retired Admiral. 
 
 At last we were considered fit tb join the Channel 
 Fleet, and off we went to Portland, where we found 
 those good old standing numbers Agincourt, Northumber- 
 land, Minotaur and one or two others. The three 
 mentioned were the five -masters so well known in the 
 Service. The mast and yard cult was still in full swing, 
 and they made excellent gymnasiums ; the drill served 
 to keep the men healthy and active. Swedish drill does 
 that now, but it does not inculcate such daring as the 
 work aloft did. 
 
 About this time the First Lord of the Admiralty, Mr. 
 Childers, resolved to go for a cruise in the combined 
 Mediterranean and Channel Fleets. I think he went as
 
 THE MONARCH 91 
 
 a sort of Admiralissimo. He was the man who brought 
 out the order that beards and moustaches might be worn. 
 It is to be presumed that when not seasick he was rather 
 a trial to those on board the Agincourt, which was the 
 ship he embarked in, but the average N.O. knows very 
 well how to put up ' smoke screens/ to use a modern 
 simile, and judging by some letters which appeared in 
 The Times about that time over the pseudonym of 
 " Greening " and purporting to be written by a mid- 
 shipman, he must have acquired some priceless informa- 
 tion with regard to the Navy in general. During this 
 cruise we had some sailing trials (Ye Gods !) with the 
 Hercules and Inconstant, to show the First Lord what 
 clippers we had in the Service. 
 
 The cruise at an end, without much regret we parted 
 brassrags with the Mediterranean Fleet and the First 
 Lord, returning to Portland and the routine of previous 
 days. Our Rear-Admiral, A. Eardley Wilmot, was an 
 eccentric, and among other things did not like to see 
 officers going ashore in plain clothes, so set an example 
 by making his coxswain take a bag that contained his 
 mufti, and the gallant officer shifted on the beach. In 
 these times he would probably be run in for indecency. 
 It used to afford the officers on duty much amusement to 
 watch the process with their glasses. The Commander 
 of one of the ships was very fond of hunting ; he would 
 dress himself in hunting kit, conceal it under a water- 
 proof, and after evolutions, nip into a boat and off to 
 the chase. .What a diversity of characters one did meet ! 
 ,We had two youngsters in the mess, of whom one never 
 read anything but Dickens ; I think he knew most of 
 Pickwick by heart, and the other was so universally well 
 informed that he could generally put a name to any 
 quotation we tried him with, and we often tested him. 
 In November, 1869, tht distinguished philanthropist 
 Mr. George Peabody died, and Her Majesty Queen 
 Victoria determined to honour his memory by sending 
 his remains to the United States in a British warship. 
 The ship selected was the Monarch. 
 
 Behold us, then, one wet and cold afternoon in 
 December, embarking the coffined remains at Portsmouth 
 with all due ceremony. The ship, masts, boats and yards, 
 in fact everything in sight, with the exception of the 
 hull, was painted French grey, described by the papers 
 as naval mourning, on what grounds is not clear. A 
 ribbon of the same colour was painted round the hull.
 
 92 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 Tlie Captain's after-cabin had been converted into a' 
 mortuary chapel, entirely lined with black cloth. It was 
 dome -shaped, with white silk cords radiating from the 
 centre and looking up ; round the upper part of the 
 sides, festoons of cloth fringed with deep white lace. 
 Round the sides, at intervals, were silver monograms. 
 G.P., wreaths of immortelles and silver brackets with 
 double waxlights. The deck was covered with black 
 cloth, and in the centre was a catafalque on which the 
 coffin rested ; on either side of it stood four massive 
 silver candlesticks. The effect was very striking, aftd 
 it was hard to realize that you were on board a ship. 
 Visitors were allowed before the body was embarked, 
 and many thousands took the opportunity. 
 
 Mr. Peabody's remains were embarked with" a great 
 deal of pomp and circumstance, and were placed 
 temporarily in a pavilion on deck. The ship then pro- 
 ceeded to Spithead, where the U.S.S. Plymouth, sent 
 over especially from America, was waiting to act as 
 escort. After anchoring, the coffin was removed to the 
 mortuary. The weather was so bad that the ships did 
 not get away until the ,2oth, and they arrived at Portland, 
 Maine, on January 25th, after an uneventful voyage via 
 Madeira. 
 
 During the passage our Captain, Sir John Commerell, 
 V.C., who was a most hospitable man, frequently asked 
 the Captain of the Plymouth to dinner. The latter did 
 not apparently enjoy the boatwork that this entailed, for 
 at length, in reply to an invitation that he received, he 
 signalled "If I were a Captain in your Service and 
 senior to you, I should think you were trying to make 
 a vacancy." This put an end to the dinners. Captain 
 Macomb of the Plymouth did not smoke, but he enjoyed 
 a cigar by chewing it ; I never saw him 1 finish one, but 
 he generally consumed the greater part of it with apparent 
 enjoyment. 
 
 During the voyage Christmas came along, and as 
 there was a nephew of the philanthropist on board, it 
 looked as if we should have to curtail our celebrations ; 
 however, he informed the Captain that he did not think 
 the presence of the body on board ought to interfere 
 with any festivities or general amusements, so things went 
 on as usual, and even the band played in the evenings. 
 It transpired that this relative was not a 'beneficiary under 
 his uncle's will. Many people believe that the presence
 
 THE MONARCH 93 
 
 of a corpse on board is disliked by the men ; on this 
 occasion there certainly was no feeling of that sort. 
 Sailors are popularly supposed to be superstitious ; my 
 experience does not support this theory. Judging by 
 the number of mascots seen at the present time, it is 
 the civilian element that deserves that distinction. But 
 they do not seem to faring immunity to motor-cars or 
 aeroplanes I I 
 
 When the body had been disembarked (of course very 
 ceremoniously), the ship became normal again and the 
 proverbial hospitality of the American nation was 
 extended to us. Maine was even then a dry State, and 
 at a banquet given by the Mayor, Adam's ale was the 
 sole beverage. His Worship only proposed one toast, 
 remarking that the liquor was not conducive to festal 
 amenities, so he would confine himself to asking us to 
 drink to our ' Friends over the Water.' The dinner was 
 given in an hotel, and we afterwards adjourned to a 
 private room, where drinks of all sorts ad libitum were 
 provided. In such a manner can unpopular legislation 
 be evaded, even by a Chief Magistrate ! 
 
 The Monarch was thrown open to the public and 
 was visited by thousands, most of them expressing un- 
 bounded admiration. Our most distinguished visitor was 
 the poet Longfellow, whose visit is one of my most 
 treasured recollections. He spent some hours on board, 
 and most of us had an opportunity of conversing with 1 
 him. In addition to Longfellow, we were gratified and 
 honoured by a visit from the famous Admiral Farragut, 
 the Nelson of the United States, who distinguished him- 
 self in the Civil War while in command of the Federal 
 Fleet. We were invited to visit New York, but the 
 Admiralty refused permission, softening the disappoint- 
 ment by sending us to Annapolis, Chesapeake Bay, where 
 the Naval Academy is situated. Before leaving we gave 
 a dance on board that was largely attended. 
 
 We arrived at Annapolis on the i/th of February, 
 1870, and remained until the 5th of March. Trips to 
 Baltimore and Washington were among the hospitalities 
 extended to us ; a ball at the Naval Academy, and a great 
 deal of private entertainment made the visit still more 
 enjoyable. The Naval Academy was extremely interest- 
 ing, and it was evidently run on very sound lines, the 
 administration and discipline being most thorough. Our 
 prevailing opinion was that the cadets got a most
 
 94 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 excellent education ; one of the best ; but at the expense 
 of practical experience afloat, for they did not go to sea 
 until the age of eighteen to nineteen, and then as 
 Ensigns. 
 
 Crowds visited the ship, and the debris left behind 
 was extraordinary. It included on one occasion fourteen 
 empty purses and a woman's petticoat. The celebrated 
 General Sheridan paid us a visit, and we had the band 
 out to play ' Marching through Georgia,' which pleased 
 him very much. He lunched with the Captain, who had 
 a party on board to meet him ; while they were being 
 conducted round the ship a number of people entered 
 a cabin in which a cold lunch was spread out, and it 
 is to be presumed either that they thought it was too 
 good an opportunity to be lost, or that the Captain was 
 a very hospitable man, for they seated themselves, and 
 the steward, thinking they must be the guests, served 
 them with lunch. (When the Captain's party arrived you 
 can imagine what consternation was caused. 
 
 General Sheridan noticed a certain Captain Brown 
 on board who in' the Confederate Navy had played a 
 prominent part in the Civil iWar ; he turned to Commerell 
 and denounced the man as a rebel, and concluded by 
 saying that there was no room on board for both of 
 them. It must have been a bit awkward for his host, 
 but such was his tact and diplomacy that he finished 
 by getting them both into his cabin, where they had 
 drinks together. He influence^ Sheridan by saying that 
 the Monarch was British' soil and that everyone met on 
 equal terms. 
 
 Commerell completely won over all the Americans 
 with whom he was brought in contact. A most urbane 
 man, he had among other rare qualities the art of 
 listening attentively while others talked. One of our 
 visitors remarked to me that he would make a most 
 acceptable Ambassador at Washington to adjudicate upon 
 the Alabama claims. These claims as usual went 
 against us. What an immoral nation we are ! We were 
 imulct to the tune of over three millions, which left a 
 handsome balance when all claims had been satisfied. 
 Of course, it was not returned. What a complaisant 
 nation we are I 
 
 The festivities wound up with' a big ball at the Naval 
 Academy, and we departed feeling that nothing could 
 have exceeded the cordiality of our welcome. No un-
 
 THE MONARCH 95 
 
 toward event had occurred, as had been feared by some. 
 One of our visitors expressed his anxiety about this to 
 me in the course of conversation, remarking that he 
 would feel relieved when he had sailed. I asked him* 
 the reason for so curious a statement, and he replied 
 that he feared some of their Toughs might try to blow 
 up the ship. The fact was that the Slidell and Mason 
 affair had not been forgotten, and the North still felt 
 rather sore against England. It was one of the few 
 cases in which the British Lion resented having his tail 
 tweaked. Another thing was very evident, namely, that 
 the ill-feeling betfween the North and South had not yet 
 died out. It was more on the side of the South the 
 conquered side than on the other, as we found. With 
 another generation this feeling must have disappeared. 
 
 iWe arrived at Portsmouth at the end of March, and 
 immediately went to our old billet in the dockyard, our 
 gun -mountings giving trouble. 
 
 iWe had now a rival in the Captain, likewise a sea- 
 going turret ship ; she was commanded by Hugh Talbot 
 Burgoyne, V.C., my Captain in the Constance. Both 
 ships were ordered to get ready for competitive trials. 
 One morning I saw in the paper my appointment to the 
 Captain. I went to Commerell and asked him to get 
 it cancelled ; he pointed out that evidently my late 
 Captain wished to have me with him again, and that I 
 should be foolish to lose the interest of such a rising 
 man. However, I persisted, and the appointment was 
 cancelled. The next time Captain Burgoyne came on 
 board he reproached me for being unwilling to serve 
 with him, quite good-humouredly, but it made me feel 
 rather cheap. I never saw him again, for the Captain 
 capsized on the night of September 6, 1870, and only 
 eighteen men out of a crew of 497 were saved. The 
 designer of the ship, Captain Cowper-Coles, R.N., went 
 down in her. Several late ' Constances ' were on board, 
 and no doubt their fate would have been mine also. 
 ;We none of us liked the look of the ship, and sometimes 
 in chaff called her the ' Coffin ' from her unusual appear- 
 ance, but we little thought how prophetic the title was. 
 Had she not been so heavily masted the catastrophe 
 would not have occurred, for her freeboard was very 
 low, only five feet. 
 
 This dockyard work was not very educational, and 
 another mid and I were sent to the training Brig Martin
 
 96 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 for a course of instruction in seamanship. It was 
 just yachting in a Service ship. We went out of harbour 
 every Monday with a fresh batch of boys from the 
 St. Vincent, and cruised until Friday evening, when we 
 returned to harbour ; the week-end habit had already 
 begun. There was a standing complement of seamen 
 on board and we soon got the boys into shape. On 
 one occasion we beat through the Needles (on a weather 
 tide) ; quite a smart affair. 
 
 On the loth of August came my examination in 
 seamanship. The questions asked me would flabbergast 
 the modern midshipman as much as some of his would 
 me. Thanks to the age and rank of my examiners, they 
 referred entirely to wooden ships, masts and yards 
 throughout. I will only weary the reader with one of 
 the questions which was by the way of being rather 
 a stock one. It was, " As officer of the watch in a liner 
 sailing with the fleet closehauled, line ahead, what would 
 you do if a man fell overboard? " Such a case had 
 obviously never come under my experience, nor was it 
 likely it would, but it had to be answered. I was for 
 hauling up the courses, throwing everything aback, and 
 making a sternboard, which ought to bring the ship into 
 a favourable position to windward of the man. Of 
 course, lowering the lifeboats in the interim. Two of 
 my board were for it, the other wanted to ' Go About ' 
 and ' Leave the mainyard square in Stays.' Of course, 
 they argued it out and wasted precious time, thereby 
 saving me from; a lot more questions. .When I was called 
 in again it was to receive a second class, which I honestly 
 believe would have been a first but for that unfortunate 
 question. The next day I joined the College. 
 
 The College is an ancient building in the dockyard ; 
 the cabins they can scarcely be called rooms were 
 small, but the mess was quite good. We studied accord- 
 ing to our inclinations ; unless going in for a first -class, the 
 object was to do as little as possible, just enough to get 
 a pass. The fashion was to have lodgings outside in 
 which we spent the week-ends ; most of these lodgings 
 were in Chapel Row, at the back of the College. 
 The examination was rather a farce, especially in the 
 section which was known as ' Winds and Currents/ in 
 other words Hydrography. The candidate who was best 
 up went in first, and on coming out handed to the porter 
 a list of the questions, which the latter individual slipped
 
 THE MONARCH 97 
 
 to us, we being herded in a room in order to prevent such 
 a contingency, but the authorities overlooked the potency 
 of the ' silver key.' 
 
 Having passed the ordeal of navigation, we went on 
 to the more congenial one of gunnery, and for preparation 
 of that took a course in the Excellent, the gunnery school. 
 This was a very different affair, as we were under the 
 eyes of the Staff, and were subject to strict discipline. 
 
 A tribute must be paid here to that extremely well- 
 managed institution, the gunnery school of the Excellent ; 
 it indeed lived up to its name. Everybody seemed to 
 be actuated by an untiring energy and desire to learn, 
 they received every encouragement, and the instruction 
 was thorough. The Staff well we know what Staff- 
 officers are, and these were no exception was of high 
 ability. Of course, people in such a position have to 
 be a little haughty and aloof ; it would be impossible 
 to know all of the officers continually passing through, 
 yet they occasionally unbent, and we found them good 
 fellows and plain N.O.'s, like ourselves. The men 
 instructors were an admirable and efficient class, a little 
 too parrot-like in their detail of drill perhaps, but very 
 smart in practice. iWhen passing through later, as a 
 Lieutenant, these men were very fond of showing off. One 
 of them apostrophized our squad in the following manner : 
 " Gentlemen, really that wheel was worse than the Garde 
 Mobile," and again we were informed that our skirmish- 
 ing would discredit the Francs -tireurs I This was in 1870. 
 
 After the above I joined as a full-blown Sub, but 
 early in 1871 Commerell left us to take the post of 
 Commodore on the West Coast of Africa ; several of the 
 ' Monarchs ' went with him, and all this, combined with 
 the monotony of the Channel Fleet, began to make me 
 desirous of a move also. 
 
 I wrote to a friend of mine at the Admiralty, asking 
 for an appointment to a ship on a foreign station, a 
 small craft for choice, for I wished to study the Service 
 from the standpoint of such a life. 
 
 .We missed Commerell very much ; he was such a 
 thoroughly brave, unselfish, humane man. As his Aide 
 (or ' Doggie '), I had learned to revere him. The follow- 
 ing is one of the many instances of his coolness : I was 
 standing by him on the bridge while we were at sail 
 drill, and owing to the yard -rope parting the mizen top- 
 gallant yard came down by the run, it cleared him 
 
 7
 
 98 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 literally by an inch or two, and then plunged overboard. 
 He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye, and said, " A 
 close shave that ! " Yes, I thought, another inch and 
 you would never have had a shave of the other sort. 
 
 My station in action was at the voice -tube on the 
 bridge ; it communicated with a central one below from 
 whence the orders were distributed, and at which a great 
 pal of mine was stationed. I am afraid that in our 
 leisure moments we so far forgot ourselves as to exchange 
 ribald jests and badinage. It sometimes took the form 
 of what schoolboys call ' Sells.' On one occasion he 
 called up, " Have you heard that Jacky has broken his 
 I G O? " (Jacky was the name we had for Commerell.) 
 As it happened Jacky answered it himself, having 
 despatched me with a message. Being very prompt, and 
 no doubt curious to know how he could have incurred 
 this accident without being aware of it, he disguised his 
 voice and said, " How? " " By trying to scratch his ear 
 with his big toe." The Captain was too kind-hearted 
 to bear malice, but although he forgave it, I doubt 
 whether he forgot, and from what I knew of him he 
 had many a hearty chuckle over it. 
 
 On the 26th April, 1871, my appointment to the 
 Plover, a gunvessel of three guns, appeared. It trans- 
 pired that she was on the ' North American and West 
 Indian ' station, and was to be recommissioned at 
 Bermuda, whither the new crew was to be conveyed in 
 the troopship Himalaya. During my last few months 
 we had spent most of the time at Portland ; the Franco - 
 German War was still on. Several German ships were in 
 refuge there, and it was notable how these ships flaunted 
 their flag when a French cruiser came in, as often 
 happened. Our sympathies were entirely with the latter, 
 and the result of the war rilled most of us with uneasy 
 forebodings as to the future, for it was evident that 
 Prussia was intent upon becoming a Great World-Power. 
 With the assistance of Austria, she had despoiled 
 Denmark, and then with consummate treachery had 
 turned and rent her quondam ally ; now France lay at 
 her feet, the last achievement having brought about a 
 united Germany. One felt " Whose turn next? " 
 
 A few days after my appointment, the Commander 
 sent for me and introduced me to my future Captain, 
 who seemed to be an agreeable man, and with whom I 
 had some conversation. At that time I had what may
 
 THE MONARCH 99 
 
 be described as a Shakespearian cult on me (I freely 
 interlarded my speech with his expressions), and in after- 
 times he told me that he thought I was one of the 
 most extraordinary youngsters he had met, but that when 
 I left, the Commander reassured him by saying that I 
 was quite normal, rather high spirited, and a promising 
 young officer, adding that I required sitting on occa- 
 sionally. I quite realize now that I did. 
 
 The occasion being propitious, I asked for leave, and 
 got it until I had to join the Himalaya. With very deep 
 feelings of regret at leaving my, messmates, with whom 
 I had spent so many happy hours, I bade farewell and 
 hurried off home to spend the rest of my time with 
 my people. 
 
 One incident on leaving gratified me. We had a 
 Greek officer who had been sent to us for instruction ; 
 his name was so like Gorgonzola that he answered to 
 it from the first. Taking pity on him!, I gave him lessons 
 in the English language (good, not bad), and on leaving 
 he pressed into my hand a case of meerschaum pipes. 
 We used to have quite a variety of foreigners attached 
 to us, Danes, Swedes, Norwegians, Chilians, Turks, and 
 Japanese, mostly good chaps, even the Turk. Two of 
 the Japanese were in the flying squadron, and one 
 committed ' hara kiri ' in the presence of the mid- 
 shipman and corporal of the watch, who were going the 
 rounds ; it nearly scared them to death. He was very 
 backward, and could not get on, which drove him to 
 this foolish act. When his companion was asked as 
 to the disposal of the body he shrugged his shoulders 
 and said, " Throw it overboard."
 
 CHAPTER VII 
 THE PLOVER 
 
 Of all the ships upon the blue 
 Not one contained a better crew. 
 
 THUS W. S. Gilbert, when he created that erotic phe- 
 nomenon the Mantelpiece. Would that the lines were 
 applicable to the c'raft that I now have to write about, but 
 candour compels me to admit that it was not so, and it 
 is of no use for me to attempt to paint her in brighter 
 colours than deserved, for the reader would soon discover 
 blemishes that would damn it as an accurate portrait. 
 
 The voyage out in the Himalaya was uneventful. We 
 had crews for the Danae, Niobe and Plover on board. 
 Idle hands always discover mischief, and in this case 
 it took the form of gambling, and for me it was a lesson 
 never forgotten. Modest points at whist, later bridge, 
 with a brief period of limited loo, was all that I ever 
 indulged in for the future. Gambling was not a popular 
 vice in the Navy during my time ; it was sporadic and 
 usually confined to a clique of moneyed men, with, of 
 course, the usual earthen pot, that either came to grief, or 
 through sheer good luck, combined with skill, floated with 
 the rest. At Plymouth I recall a remarkable case, that of 
 a Lieutenant who 'won a large sum of money from. a soldier 
 officer, which the latter was unable to pay. A compromise 
 was arrived at by which it was arranged that he should 
 pay an annual sum ; the next year the former was drowned 
 while boat-sailing. It is an unsatisfactory manner of 
 making or losing money, to put it mildly. 
 
 When we arrived at Bermuda the Plover was inside 
 the Camber, and had not finished her refit, which meant 
 that instead of finding the ship all ready for us, we had 
 to commence with only a partially refitted one, and as we 
 were wanted for service in the Bahamas the order was 
 
 100
 
 THE PLOVER 101 
 
 Hurry up.' The result was that the work was not 
 well done, and our troubles commenced from that date. 
 
 The Plover was a double-screw gun-vessel of 660 tons, 
 and 1 60 horse-power ; the engines had been taken out of 
 old gunboats, a very economical idea, but not conducive to 
 efficiency. We soon found out that she would neither 
 steam nor sail ; under the latter she carried such a 
 tremendous amount of weather helm that we could never 
 set the spanker. You could never rely on her tacking, 
 and to add to it, the masts raked so that all the leads of 
 ropes chafed somewhere. These craft used to be called 
 ' Bugtraps,' possibly because they became infested with 
 cockroaches in the tropics. 
 
 The Commander had been nearly four years on half 
 pay ; he was not thirty years old, having been promoted 
 at the age of twenty-six. He had been a Flag -Lieutenant, 
 and received the ' hauling down ' promotion that Admirals 
 were entitled to in those days. This patronage was very 
 judiciously abolished, as well as the power that the Admiral 
 had of filling vacancies, created by deaths of officers, with 
 officers from his own flagship. Sometimes very good men 
 got the step, sometimes otherwise ; unfortunately our man 
 was one of the otherwise. 
 
 A member of a wealthy family, he had been accustomed 
 to be denied nothing, and had no self-control. His temper 
 was ungovernable ; this, added to his lamentable ignorance 
 of sailoring, were the primary causes of the general dis- 
 comfort and inefficiency that prevailed. On the other 
 hand, his manners, on ordinary occasions, were charming, 
 and he was generous and hospitable to a marked degree. 
 In the mess we were a happy family, and remained so 
 until the end of the commission. It consisted of a 
 Lieutenant, a Sub, a Navigating Sub, an Assistant-Pay- 
 master, and a Surgeon. Outside in the steerage was a 
 diminutive engineers' mess, which contained three en- 
 gineers. This in a gun-vessel of 160 horse-power. 
 
 The Lieutenant was easy going and of undoubted 
 ability. He would have done well under other circum- 
 stances ; as it was he soon had enough of it, and got 
 invalided, much to our regret. My chief recollection of 
 him is that he used to lie on his back in his cabin and 
 play the penny whistle, letting affairs slide. The new 
 man was full of energy and zeal, but it evaporated, and 
 he exchanged into the flagship. .When the third man 
 joined he proved to be an exceedingly pleasant, amiable
 
 102 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 fellow, but he had one fault, he was rather too fond 
 of the juice of the grape. The Captain discovered him one 
 day a little the worse or better for his failing, and 
 from that time had him completely under his thumb. 
 
 At last we were ready, and hustled off to Nassau, 
 Bahamas. On our way we experienced very bad weather ; 
 it blew hard, and the laniards of the lower rigging, being 
 new, stretched so much that we had to ' swift in,' a difficult 
 operation with the ship rolling heavily. 
 
 Nassau has a beautiful harbour for small ships, and 
 is absolutely secure. It was a resort for Buccaneers, and 
 the remains of a fort which they built show that they 
 considered it worth defending. Here they could careen 
 their ships and carouse in safety. We rode out a most 
 devastating hurricane while there. There is, however, a 
 very nasty bar to be crossed before reaching this haven of 
 safety, and just before we arrived a boat from a warship 
 was capsized on it, with the result that an officer was 
 drowned. 
 
 The people were charming. The Americans had dis- 
 covered the place, and came during the winter, which 
 is a delightful season ; this added to the prosperity of the 
 town, but its glory had really departed from it with the 
 cessation of the American Civil War. During that time 
 it had been used as headquarters by the blockade runners, 
 and we heard great tales of the harbour being packed 
 with ships, and the revelry that prevailed. The ribs of 
 one of the runners lay outside the harbour on the beach 
 for all to take warning by. It was the result of her 
 Captain's drunken folly. Having got outside, he thought 
 he would return for ' Just one More,' and in coming in 
 he succeeded in successfully hitting off the bar not the 
 bar he intended. 
 
 With the close of the war these gentry vanished, and 
 now only an occasional freighter, sponge schooner or 
 fishing-boats are the habituees. During our stay an 
 occasional Spanish gunboat would arrive, for Spain was 
 blockading Cuba at that time, and had a large number 
 of craft on that service. It was also a great place for 
 sponges and pink pearls. 
 
 The Governor was a most hospitable man, and enter- 
 tained us constantly. He was a great gourmet, and used 
 to write fascinating little notes of invitations to his 
 banquets. Before we had been there a month he took 
 it into his head that he ought to visit his kingdom, which
 
 THE PLOVER 103 
 
 embraced the other islands, so he embarked in us with his 
 A. B.C., and we proceeded to make a tour that included 
 all the islands of any importance, such as Abaco, San 
 Salvador (Columbus' land fall) and Turks Island. The 
 navigation is intricate, for currents are very strong and 
 uncertain, and it certainly requires no ordinary precautions 
 to avoid the numerous shoals and reefs that abound in 
 these waters. We got some rough shooting at most of 
 the islands, and Turks Island is memorable to me as the 
 only time I ever killed a snipe right and left. 
 
 These visits were very amusing. The few white 
 people seemed to belong to another age. Of course, 
 they always wore their best clothes to receive the Governor, 
 and everything was most ceremonious. All the negro 
 population mustered to see the ' Gubnor.' " Which am 
 de Gubnor?" cried an excited darky. " De red man," 
 replied another. " Huh, there's two red man," said the 
 first. " He's de man wid de clean behind," was the 
 answer. By way of explanation, both the Governor and 
 our Captain were red-headed and red-faced men, but 
 while our man wore his hair fluffy, the other was cut 
 very short. 
 
 These islands did not use coal. One young girl 
 wandering round the ship spied some in an open bunker. 
 " What is that? " she cried. " Coal," was the reply. 
 " What coal! real coal! oh, do give me a bit." It is 
 related of the same unsophisticated child that on her first 
 visit to Nassau she saw a pony and exclaimed, "Lord I 
 what a big dog! " 
 
 The Governor appeared to enjoy his trip, and not to 
 mind his cramped quarters, for he persuaded the Captain 
 to take him on to Havana, which was not on his beat. 
 We spent a very pleasant week there, but it struck me 
 as being a most unhealthy and ill-kept city with grand 
 possibilities, as indeed it had, for the Americans developed 
 them later and made an immense change in it, after driving- 
 out the Spanish. The latter, with their everlasting Manana, 
 seem to blight everything they put their hands to. 
 
 While at Havana I witnessed a bullfight for the first 
 and last time. During its continuance I felt disgust and 
 shame at being- a spectator at such a so-called sport. The 
 only interesting parts were first, when the procession 
 entered the arena headed by a fine band, the rear being 
 closed by the Toreadors, to whom the Governor threw 
 down the keys of the bullring, and secondly, when a
 
 104 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 sufficient number of bulls had been killed a sort of tame 
 one was let loose, and all the gamins of the town invaded 
 the bullring to tease him, but the bull had much the best 
 of it before he was penned again. It was very laughable 
 while it lasted. We also saw some cockfighting that 
 imbued me with the same feelings of disgust. 
 
 Soon after our return to Nassau we were ordered 
 to Bermuda to prepare for the winter cruise in the West 
 Indies with the Admiral, and another gunboat came to 
 relieve us, of course chuckling that they had escaped 
 the cruise. Our Captain, for some unknown reason, 
 elected to make the passage under sail ; we took an 
 unconscionable time, and incurred the Admiral's displeasure 
 by arriving late. Here our new Lieutenant joined, and 
 began to reform the ship, which included painting and 
 scraping her, but he did not allow for the limited time 
 at disposal, with the result that we went to sea in a 
 piebald state. Further resentment! 
 
 The fact is that we were woefully undermanned. We 
 could not furl all our sails together without sending 
 Marines on the mainyard ; they were as usual excellent 
 men, and able to turn their hands to anything. Some 
 time after one of them told me as we were going through 
 the Gulf of Paria that the last time he went through 
 it was as a bugler in a sailing brig, when he gave the 
 time to the men who were sweeping her through it in a 
 stark calm. It was a link with the past. We got into 
 the Admiral's bad books, and I believe the flagship always 
 kept our pendants bent on ready to hoist for us to repeat 
 every evolution that was performed. In fact, we were 
 always what Jack calls * In the Tub.' 
 
 We bundled out of Bermuda with the rest of the 
 fleet, a heterogeneous collection of ships from the Royal 
 Alfred, the Racoon (a jackass frigate), four large sloops 
 of the Sirius class, and four or five gun -vessels. The Sirius 
 was ship-rigged, and one of the smartest ships I have 
 ever seen. From lower yards and topmasts housed she 
 could make all plain sail in a few minutes. Her First- 
 Lieutenant, W. H. M. Molyneux, had a great reputation 
 that he fully maintained as Commander of the Achilles 
 later in the Mediterranean, when Admiral Sir Geoffrey 
 Phipps Hornby was Commander-in-Chief. 
 
 We were cruising under sail, and we got lots of 
 experience in keeping station. How one used to envy 
 the flagship that led the weather line always under the
 
 THE PLOVER 105 
 
 same canvas ; like an old swan at the head of the brood ; 
 while we were constantly shortening and making sail. 
 It was very healthy work, but what did it lead to? The 
 cult of masts and yards was dying hard, but as long 
 as we had sails they had to be used. Some distance off 
 Barbadoes the Admiral got tired of us, and ordered us to 
 proceed to Barbadoes under sail and get the ship painted 
 (I have said that we went to sea piebald). We arrived off 
 the island late one evening, and hove to for the night ; 
 there was a strong trade wind blowing, and the next 
 morning the place was nearly out of sight to windward. 
 The Captain read the orders literally, and so for three 
 weary days we beat up, tack and tack, and I believe that, 
 like the Flying Dutchman, we should still be there but 
 for a lucky shift of wind that enabled us to lay up for the 
 anchorage. We anchored one evening and set to work 
 the following morning. A few hours later the fleet came 
 in, and we were still piebald. I don't know what the 
 Admiral said to the Captain when he went on board to 
 report, but I do know what the latter looked like when 
 he came back. 
 
 Mindful of my old friends I looked them up and 
 was enabled by their usual hospitality to spend a pleasant 
 time with them. However, our stay was very limited, 
 and we were soon off again under sail, outer ships first. 
 We had an inshore billet, and commenced by going stern 
 first into a large American schooner. Our mizen rigging 
 fouled the foremost rigging of the Yankee ; it held us, 
 and helped to pay us off, but the Captain, not noticing 
 this, ordered some men aft to cut away the schooner's 
 rigging. The American Captain jumped on to the gun- 
 whale flourishing an axe and dared them to do it. While 
 the men hesitated our ship paid off, and we got clear 
 without further mishap. In the meantime the flagship 
 was fairly dressed with signals to us to ' Use more 
 Dispatch/ accompanied by other nice little messages, so 
 again we started badly. But why continue the painful 
 subject? Enough to say that by the time we reached 
 Jamaica the Admiral had made up his mind that he could 
 do without us, and we were handed over to the tender 
 mercies of the Commodore, who doubtless had orders to 
 make things lively. 
 
 With secret joy we saw the squadron clear out of 
 Port Royal. Whenever we anchored it seemed as if we 
 had no luck, for up would go the pendants to ' Shift
 
 106 1MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 Berth,' and so, while the other ships were snugly anchored 
 and the officers and men going on shore, we were usually 
 manoeuvring about for a fresh attempt. 
 
 The cruise had been very enjoyable otherwise, and 
 the fleet made a pretty picture at times, especially when 
 we all beat into Fort de France, Martinique, where, .as 
 usual, we had to shift berth. This French island we 
 found most attractive ; at that time it was the only place 
 in the West Indies with a dry dock. 
 
 The Commodore acted up to his instructions, and we 
 got plenty of drill, but as stated, the ship was under-* 
 manned, and we never could have attained more than the 
 humble mediocrity that eventually crowned our efforts. 
 He was a great boat-sailer, and we used to get a good 
 deal of practice at it, and being my job it came as a 
 pleasant interlude. 
 
 The garrison was still supplied by the West Indian 
 Regiment. These men looked very picturesque in their 
 Zouave kit. Nearly all were negroes, although there were 
 a few mulattoes in the ranks. It seemed rather incon- 
 gruous to see the officers on parade in the uniform of an 
 officer of the line, and it rather spoilt the general effect. 
 These men were not intellectual, and did not discriminate 
 too well. The Commodore, being challenged by one of 
 them, was refused the right of way ; in vain he explained 
 to the man that he was Commodore de Horsey ; all the 
 reply he got was, " I don't care if you are Commodore de 
 Donkey, you can't pass dis way." This is the sort of 
 sentry that we are told the Romans produced. 
 
 After a somewhat lengthened stay we received orders 
 to go to Cuba. The Spaniards were still pursuing their 
 policy of coercion, and were maintaining a blockade, in 
 spite of which, the insurgents managed to get arms and 
 ammunition from the adventurous runners. We went to 
 Santiago de Cuba, passing into the harbour through the 
 narrow channel that is commanded by the Moro Castle, 
 afterwards brought into prominence by a gallant attempt 
 on the part of the Americans during the war to block it 
 by sinking a ship in the fairway. This was undertaken 
 by an officer named Hobson, and only partially succeeded, 
 for the Spanish Fleet came out under Admiral Cervera 
 to meet destruction at the hands of the Americans under 
 Sampson. A very gallant undertaking on the part of 
 Cervera, for he went to certain defeat. 
 
 We found several Spanish warships in the harbour*;
 
 THE PLOVER 107 
 
 one of them, a British ship that they had seized for 
 carrying arms, the Tornado. The affair caused a good 
 deal of a flutter at the time, but our Government climbed 
 down ; perhaps with a nation like Spain they wished to 
 be magnanimous, but it was rather galling to see this 
 ship converted into a foreign warship. 
 
 It was difficult to realize that the island was in such 
 an unsettled state. The bands used to play on the Prado, 
 and the handsome Spanish and Cuban girls, attended by 
 their beaux, were in great evidence. Some of these girls 
 were very beautiful, but it is a mistake to suppose that 
 they are all dark -eyed and with raven tresses ; on the 
 contrary, many were quite fair. The Governor gave a 
 ball, and we had an opportunity of dancing with the 
 Senoritas, but conversation was limited. The officers were 
 very polite, and among other things I asked if there was 
 any shooting to be had. The next day I received a card 
 from one of them. " If you wisha to go a ' huntin', come 
 with me at five of the clock." Accordingly I went, and 
 this sportsman shot everything with a feather on it that we 
 came across, and they were all small birds, not a game 
 bird did we see. No more 'huntin' for me. 
 
 We now received orders to go to Manzanilla. It 
 appeared that a correspondent of a New York paper had 
 penetrated through the rebel lines, although warned by the 
 Spaniards that he would be arrested on his return as a 
 spy ; this happened, and it seemed as if they had made 
 up their minds to shoot him. He had appealed to the 
 American Government, but they disowned him, saying 
 that he was a British subject. It was strictly correct, for 
 he was an Irishman and a Nationalist (if not more). In 
 his extremity he turned to Great Britain, with the result 
 that the Plover was detailed as above. 
 
 Off we went, and, after running the gauntlet of the 
 blockading ships that were very persistent in their atten- 
 tions, we arrived and anchored off the town. The Captain 
 despatched me to inquire into the state of affairs, and 
 after considerable trouble, during which it must be admitted 
 that the Spaniards, if apathetic, were polite, the prisoner 
 was duly located. He was in a great state of funk, and 
 in very poor quarters, guarded by men who amused them- 
 selves by prodding him up with their bayonets. 
 
 He was unfeignedly glad to see me, and, whatever 
 his sentiments were to us as a nation, he carefully dis- 
 guised them from the individual. We were able to make
 
 108 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 certain arrangements for ameliorating his condition as 
 well as procuring a promise that he should not be 
 summarily executed. It became my business to visit hini 
 daily, and I managed to get sundry necessary articles 
 for him, smuggling up a revolver among other things. 
 One morning I found the bird flown, and ascertained 
 that he had been taken to Santiago. Off we went in hot 
 pursuit, and as we passed the Moro a handkerchief was 
 waved out of a window it made me think of Sister Ann. 
 The next day he was whisked off to Havana, and again we 
 followed the long trail, only to find on arrival that he had 
 been finally deported to America. He was a singularly 
 forgetful soul, for at Manzanilla his gratitude was almost 
 embarrassing, and he was never going to forget us, all of 
 which we accepted with becoming modesty, but once back 
 in the * Land of the Free ' all these fine sentiments 
 evaporated, and we never had so much as a line from 
 him. This gentleman, whose name was O 'Kelly, actually 
 became a Member of the British Parliament for some 
 Irish division, and like all of them, annoyed the Govern- 
 ment on every possible occasion. After all he was not 
 as bad as Trebitsch Lincoln. 
 
 Like a homing pigeon the Plover returned to Port 
 Royal, and we just got back in time for another job, so we 
 began to think we were earning our keep. The master 
 of a merchantman had come in and reported a rock 
 off Isle de Vachc on the south coast of Haiti. He 
 probably saw a dead whale (if he had had his wits about 
 him might have smelt it), or a ship, bottom up, or he might 
 have been celebrating and have seen what was not there. 
 Anyway, we were told off with another similar craft to go 
 and hunt for it. Being some distance to windward and 
 the trades very strong, we were compelled to steam to 
 the supposed spot ; once there, the orders were to stand 
 off and on under sail until we had spent a fortnight of 
 thorough search or found it in the interim. 
 
 And a weary fortnight we spent. Most of us were 
 wishing that we might bump on it, for it was dull work. 
 In the winter months the trades are strong, and what with 
 soundings and tacking every two hours the watch did 
 not get much time off. At last we bore up for Port Royal, 
 and then came an inspection by the Commodore, to prepare 
 for which the Navigating Sub and I went to a ball given 
 by some Spanish Jews at Kingston and did not get back 
 until 7 a.m. As the inspection was at 9 a.m., we had
 
 THE PLOVER 109 
 
 not much time to recover, but we worried through', and 
 directly the Commodore left two very sleepy Subs turned 
 in. It is not a climate for much dissipation, and we 
 could easily have dispensed with that provided by the 
 Commodore. 
 
 Either the report must have been favourable or the 
 Admiral must have relented, for we were ordered up 
 north. We called at Bermuda, and pressed on to Halifax, 
 all sorts of anticipations stirring in our breasts, only to 
 be dashed to the ground, for we were ordered away almost 
 at once ; the C.-in-C. evidently did not want the ship 
 in the harbour or ourselves at his garden parties. Our 
 destination was Cape Breton Island, which we were to 
 make our headquarters, and from thence to cruise round 
 the Gulf of Newfoundland. After all, he did us a good 
 turn, for it was a delightful cruise, and I look back to 
 it with pleasure. We were constantly on the move, and 
 visited some exquisite places, very little known to the 
 ordinary tourist or the N.O. 
 
 One of our most delightful visits was to Lake Bras 
 d'Or. We steamed into the little lake and came out by 
 the big one. The scenery was most fascinating, and it was 
 a very unusual occurrence for a warship to make such 
 a trip. 
 
 Living in these parts was marvellously cheap, and the 
 Mess profited thereby. At sea we got our fish fresh and 
 cheap from the boats with which we communicated, 
 stopping for that purpose. I once purchased a forty pound 
 cod for five cents in this way. I suppose those days are 
 over now. 
 
 Sydney, the capital of Cape Breton, was our favourite 
 anchorage, and we got very friendly with the people. 
 This island was populated largely by Scots ; some of them 
 could only speak Gaelic, but all, high or low, made you 
 thoroughly welcome when you passed their way ; they, 
 were simple kindly people. It is a great part of the 
 world for sport ; good fishing and shooting, and in my 
 time there were still bears in the woods. 
 
 A good many sheep are reared, and on landing at an 
 unaccustomed spot, our Captain's dog pulled down and 
 destroyed three sheep before he could be stopped. Fhe 
 owner was extraordinarily good about it, and would only 
 accept what appeared to be to us a very small sum by 
 way of compensation. A great deal of homespun 
 material is made by these descendants of Highlanders.
 
 110 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 Thus we spent the summer of 1872, and after an all 
 too brief spell at Halifax, trundled off to Bermuda, going 
 into the floating dock soon after our arrival. While in 
 the dock the Boatswain came to me and asked me my 
 advice as to getting out of the ship ; it did not surprise 
 me, as the poor man did not have too good a time with 
 the Captain. The fact was that he had taken his warrant 
 rather late in life, and would have done better if he had 
 refused it and gone out of the Service on pension. Now 
 he was afraid of losing it altogether. He was not a 
 smart man, but did his best ; was a decent fellow, and 
 under other circumstances would have rubbed along all 
 right. " Why don't you get invalided? " I asked. 
 44 There is nothing the matter with me, Sir ; a board 
 would only reject me." 
 
 44 Why not try for an exchange? " 
 
 44 Who would be fool enough to exchange with me? " 
 was his reply. 
 
 I thought the matter over, then I said, 4I Will you do 
 what I tell you? " 
 
 44 Certainly," he replied. 
 
 44 Very well. What you have to do is to act 4 Looney.' 
 The first thing to do is to heave the log and report to the 
 Captain that she is only going four knots, and ask if 
 you shall make more sail ; then you must keep it up, as 
 if you were really off your chump. Can you do it? " 
 
 He looked dubious, but finally agreed that it was 
 worth trying. Telling him to make his arrangements 
 carefully, I went below. 
 
 Soon afterwards I heard the Boatswain pipe ' Reelers ' 
 (having, I presume, thrown out a hint), after which he 
 solemnly proceeded to heave the log. He then went to 
 the Captain, who, as I fully expected, sent for me, thie 
 First-Lieutenant being on shore. 44 What do you think 
 of this? " said the Captain. 4< Here's the Boatswain 
 heaving the log in dry dock and reporting to me that 
 the ship is going four knots ! ' 
 
 I assumed an astonished air and replied, " I think 
 he must be mad, Sir ; he ought to be sent to hospital 
 for observation." The Boatswain stood looking stolidly 
 vacant while we continued to discuss him, until the Captain 
 made his decision, which conformed with my suggestion. 
 I got him off as soon as possible and let our surgeon 
 into the know (he was a good sort), and engineered the 
 rest, the Boatswain being duly invalided for dementia. 
 He made a wonderful recovery on reaching home.
 
 THE PLOVER 111 
 
 We received an acting Boatswain from one of the 
 sloops. He proved to be a very smart man, and I gave 
 him an outline of some of our troubles ; he listened 
 attentively, and smartened up some of the men in a most 
 unexpected manner, not strictly in accordance with the 
 regulations perhaps, and he always waited until it was 
 dark so that the 4 striking ' measures which he adopted 
 could not be seen from the quarterdeck. After a time 
 the few obstreperous individuals who set the fashion 
 became quite tame. The Boatswain was stationed on 
 the forecastle with me, but (like Nelson) I had to have 
 a blind eye sometimes. 
 
 There may be some critics who will think that I 
 acted wrongly in countenancing such a procedure as the 
 above. I do not say that it was according to the Articles 
 of War or the Queen's Regulations, but in a small ship 
 like ours, where the discipline had grown very slack, 
 peculiar measures had to be taken. One man in 
 particular had been giving a lot of trouble. His example 
 was beginning to affect others, and it was in the direction 
 of this man that I wished the Boatswain to devote his 
 energies ; he did so with marked effect ; we had no 
 more trouble with him. 
 
 During the time the ship was in dock I found myself 
 with a good deal of leisure time on my hands, and I got 
 the First-Lieutenant to let me have a cutter, and boat- 
 sailing became my hobby. I found a companion in a 
 brother sub from a sister ship. We had some glorious 
 cruises, and among the reefs he used to act as pilot, 
 sitting in the bows and directing me which way to steer ; 
 in those waters the reefs are very visible. A favourite 
 run was to Hamilton. At the hotel there was a very 
 generous concoction, for which Bermuda was celebrated, 
 known as pepper punch. Once on a return voyage, 
 whether it was the punch or not I do not know, but as he 
 was gaily conning us a loud crash and a violent shock 
 startled me considerably at the same time ; to my con- 
 sternation, my companion disappeared overboard. Running 
 forward, I found him hanging on to the bows, and was 
 able to assist him on board again. He had gone down 
 in deep water alongside the reef that we had bumped. 
 My friend is now a distinguished Admiral, and we often 
 talk over those merry times, and F. W. Fisher or ' Uncle 
 Bill ' is one of the best raconteurs that the Navy has 
 produced, which is saying something.
 
 112 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 In addition to boating and seining parties one put 
 in a good deal of walking to keep fit. There was no 
 lawn tennis or golf in those days. I became quite a 
 pedestrian, and took up a challenge that I would not 
 walk from Hamilton to Ireland Island under three hours, 
 the time occupied in crossing ferries to be omitted. The 
 distance is between fourteen and fifteen miles, no great 
 feat, except that the climate is a bit of a handicap. I 
 won the match, and a small stake, with time to spare. 
 
 The winter cruise came round again, and once more 
 we were gathered into the fold. This time the flagship 
 was generous, and spared us some supernumeraries, which 
 made the work easier, and if not a success we did not get 
 into so much trouble this time. However, we were again 
 left at Jamaica. 
 
 The Filibusters were still at their games at Cuba, 
 and the notorious gunrunner Virginias was very active. 
 She came into Port Royal hotly pursued by a Spanish 
 cruiser, but doubled on her and escaped during the night. 
 Although we knew of her nefarious designs, we were not 
 able to detain her, for want of proof ; moreover, she 
 sailed under American colours, and was commanded by an 
 ex -officer of the U.S.A. Navy. 
 
 At last she was captured by the Tornado and taken 
 into Santiago. The Spanish authorities summarily executed 
 fifty-three of the crew, among them the Captain and eight 
 other Americans, also nineteen British subjects who had 
 embarked under the impression that they were taking 
 a passage to Costa Rica. More of these unfortunate men 
 would have been executed but for the opportune arrival 
 of the Niobe, Commander Sir Lambton Loraine, Bart., 
 who had been hurriedly despatched by the Commodore. 
 He promptly informed the Governor that the shedding of 
 any more innocent blood would be the signal for him to 
 sink the Spanish men-of-war lying in the harbour. This 
 was a fairly plucky proposition, as there were four or 
 five of them present, but he proceeded to place his ship 
 in a position to make good his threat. This put a stop 
 to the wholesale butchery, and the remaining prisoners, 
 1 02 in number, were delivered up. 
 
 The British and American Governments warmly 
 approved of Sir Lambton's conduct of this affair, and on a 
 subsequent visit to New York he was presented with a 
 gold brick, and on it was engraved an inscription, 
 " You're a Brick, and here's Another."
 
 THE PLOVER 113 
 
 The same officer distinguished himself by his firmness 
 in protecting British interests at Omoa, Honduras, during 
 the course of which he bombarded the fort of San 
 Fernando. For this service he also received the strong 
 appreciation of the Admiralty. These instances are quoted 
 as being among 1 similar ones when naval officers are called 
 upon to act upon their own responsibility ; unfortunately 
 they are not always upheld. It was difficult for the 
 authorities at home sometimes to realize how much de- 
 pended upon the action taken by the man on the spot, 
 conversant with the details of the trouble and prepared 
 to deal with it. The wireless must have greatly altered 
 such situations. 
 
 Our troubles were drawing to an end ; for late in the 
 summer of 1873 we had to proceed to Bermuda again. 
 This time it was trouble with the engines, and in such 
 an indifferent state were they that we had to be towed 
 there by the Sphinx, a five-gun paddler. We experienced 
 our usual bad luck ; we were quite hardened to it now ; 
 for within 100 miles of the island the tow-rope carried 
 away in a hard gale. We had to struggle on as best we 
 could, and after two days' buffeting crawled through the 
 narrows into Grassy Bay. 
 
 The ship was taken into the Camber for a thorough 
 survey, when it was discovered that she had a rotten 
 stem in addition to engine trouble. The latter was patched 
 up, and a goodly portion of the bow was filled with 
 bricks and cement. She had literally become a composite 
 ship! Always rather down by the bows, the additional 
 weight forward made her still more so. Nevertheless, 
 we were ordered home to pay off ; none of us looked 
 forward with any pleasurable anticipations to the voyage 
 home under such conditions, but anything to get home. 
 About this time an American warship came in, and 
 when making a tour of the yard the Captain got into 
 conversation with me, and learned our sorry state. On 
 leaving he remarked, " I guess that even your smokestack 
 only remains there because it is used to it." In fact, we 
 used to get more chaff than sympathy over the rotten 
 old tub. 
 
 We started in November, and luckily had strong 
 westerly winds most of the time. A few days out we 
 nearly had a terrible disaster ; it occurred in the evening, 
 and there was a fresh breeze blowing with 1 a fairly heavy 
 sea. I was standing aft, and suddenly the officer of the 
 
 8
 
 114 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 watch shouted out, " Hard-a-Starboard." I rushed to the 
 side, and in a terrible turmoil of water, up rose the keel 
 of a ship, bottom up. But for the promptitude of the 
 Navigating Sub we must have struck her, for she was dead 
 in our way, and in the rotten state of our bows we should 
 have crumpled up like a ripe pear. I went up on the 
 bridge, and we agreed that the ship had had a bit of 
 luck at last. 
 
 More excitement came along a day or two after- 
 wards. ,We were still running before the wind in a heavy 
 sea when the wind began to take off, and we shook out 
 a reef ; while doing so, a man fell overboard from the 
 topsail yard. 
 
 While we were hauling to the wind, in prepara- 
 tion to heaving to, the Captain called for volunteers 
 to man the whaler, which we used as a lifeboat. It was 
 a five -oared boat, but not fitted with air compartments. 
 Being the only officer available, of course I had no 
 choice, and when we got away from the ship and I had 
 time to look round I found myself with five of the hardest 
 cases in the ship. As we had been running dead before 
 the wind, all I had to do was to pull to windward, so I 
 steered accordingly. After a time that seemed an age 
 I caught sight of the man every now and then on the top 
 of a wave ; on reaching him we found he was on the 
 lifebuoy. The stroke oar, who was a most powerful man, 
 lifted him into the boat, where he lay paralysed with 
 fright. The trouble now was to turn round without being 
 swamped, but we managed it, and then, to my consternation, 
 could see nothing of the ship. However, after a time 
 another age she appeared out of a rain squall, and we 
 arrived without mishap. We got the man on board and 
 the boat hoisted up (in pieces), and I went up to report 
 to the Captain. He shook hands with me, saying, " I 
 never expected to see any of you again." That was all 
 we ever heard of it. It was hard on the men ; they were 
 volunteers, and if he had made application they would 
 have received a life-saving medal ; for my part I was 
 only doing my duty. On another occasion it was my 
 good fortune to rescue a man from drowning in Nassau 
 Harbour ; again the Captain was very profuse in his 
 compliments, but it ended there. What made it more 
 marked was the fact that a year after a man got the 
 medal for a precisely similar act in the same harbour, the 
 chief danger being sharks, of which there were plenty
 
 THE PLOVER 115 
 
 at that time, but in the excitement of the moment one 
 does not, of course, think of such things. It is with great 
 reluctance that I mention these affairs, but my object 
 is to illustrate how unfortunate a thing it is to have a 
 thoroughly selfish man in command. 
 
 That, at least, is the lesson I learned, and I am 
 glad to say that I never lost a chance of pushing a 
 man's claim for recognition of a worthy and creditable act. 
 
 A few nights afterwards I had the middle watch, the 
 most lonely and disagreeable one of all. The wind had 
 died down to a stark calm, and there was no sea to speak 
 of ; the ship was lying upright and motionless. It was 
 drizzling, cold and dismal, not a very favourable setting 
 for meditation, but there was nothing doing, and I was 
 mentally rehearsing the event that I have described. At 
 that time it is to be feared that my character was some- 
 what unformed and rather on the frivolous side, but I did 
 think that the men and myself owed a debt of gratitude 
 to Almighty God for our safe deliverance. I know it 
 now. That it had been a very serious affair I fully 
 realized, for directly the ship lost sight of us they began 
 to raise steam and fire guns until, to their great relief, we 
 appeared again. I felt elation, but I am afraid more 
 personal than devotional. As I was musing the quarter- 
 master broke in by saying, " Look aloft, Sir." I did so, 
 and beheld a most extraordinary spectacle, one that is 
 known among sailors of the uneducated class as *' Corpse 
 Lights," and by others as " Corposants," and finally by the 
 more erudite as " St. Elmo's Fire." Each masthead and 
 yardarm was ornamented by a luminous brush, tapering 
 off, and several inches in length. In this instance they 
 burned steadily and lasted many minutes that is to say, 
 until presumably the electricity in the air had become 
 exhausted for there is no manner of doubt that it is 
 electricity and nothing else. But it is a weird spectacle, 
 and I don't wonder at the ignorant seamen of the past 
 being considerably awed and impressed by such an 
 exhibition. 
 
 Without any more adventures we made Plymouth and 
 found orders to proceed to Sheerness and pay off, which 
 we did before the end of the year, and once more I 
 spent Christmas at home. 
 
 While paying off I very nearly lost the number of 
 my mess. I was going down to the ship on a very dark 
 night, and most imprudently went through a shed that
 
 11C MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 covered one of the docks. Suddenly I felt myself 
 stepping off into space rather an uncanny feeling. AVhen 
 I came to I was on my bed and the Surgeon 'was 
 attending to a bad cut on my head, the result of my fall 
 down one of the slipways. I had got off. cheaply, but 
 had to lay up for a day or so. 
 
 This commission left an indelible impression on my 
 mind, and many of the lessons learned served as a guide 
 in the future. Among other things, how to make the best 
 of limited resources, also the danger of slack discipline. 
 I had never experienced anything like it before, and am 
 thankful to say have never encountered it since. The 
 lesson was unpleasant, but every cloud has a silver lining, 
 and in this case it was our happy little mess.
 
 CHAPTER VIII 
 THE RALEIGH 
 
 He was a man of rare, undoubted might, 
 Famous throughout the world for warlike praise 
 And glorious spoils purchased in perilous fight. 
 
 MY leave was terminated by, an appointment to the 
 Raleigh , at Chatham, where she was fitting out. 
 Described as an iron frigate sheathed with wood of 22 
 guns, the largest of which were 68-pounders M.L., 
 weighing 98 cwt., she was, in reality, intended as a 
 fast cruiser. The complement was 560 officers and men. 
 It was a relief to find myself back in a big ship after 
 my last experience. 
 
 The crew was hulked on board the Forte, an old 
 frigate. She was in the same category as the Vengeance, 
 previously described ; perhaps she did not leak so badly, 
 but it was great discomfort, and the ship was horribly 
 cold and draughty. These circumstances were largely 
 responsible for the death! of one of the Lieutenants (the 
 Hon. Basil Napier), from double pneumonia ; he was a 
 strong young fellow, and made a great fight before 
 succumbing. The son of a Scotch Peer, his people came 
 South and took his body to Scotland for burial. This 
 sad event cast a gloom over us, for he was universally 
 popular, and would have gone far in the Service, as 
 everyone who remembers the ' Bruiser ' will confirm. 
 
 Our Captain was George Tryon, who afterwards went 
 down in the Victoria on June 22, 1893, after being 
 rammed by the Camperdown. Sir George, as he then 
 was, was Commander-in-Chief of the Mediterranean. It 
 was a terrible affair, and need not be referred to at length. 
 My own opinion is that he intended his own line to 
 circle round the other. This was in opposition to what 
 was laid down in the book. The officers concerned took 
 it literally, with the above disastrous result, and no dis- 
 
 117
 
 118 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 credit can be attached to them. Freak departures from 
 instructions and regulations as laid down should not be 
 indulged in. 
 
 But he was a fine man, physically and mentally, and 
 a good man to serve under. The Duke of Connaught, 
 who was serving in a cavalry regiment, came to see 
 the Raleigh, and Tryon remarked to him that it was a 
 visit of the light cavalry of the Army to the light cavalry 
 of the Navy. We were at that time one of the fastest 
 cruisers afloat. 
 
 We had a well-known man as Commander, one of 
 the very best ; he still adorns the Navy List as a retired 
 Admiral of the Fleet, and is a V.C. He had the knack 
 of getting the full capacity out of all ranks, and he never 
 spared himself. It was a deep source of regret to all 
 who knew him that his age prevented him from taking 
 an active part in the war. This brief description does 
 not do him justice, as all who know ' Tug ' Wilson will 
 admit. Since writing the above, this gallant officer has 
 fallen a victim' to a chill, caught while playing golf, and 
 died after three days' illness, to the great grief of his 
 numberless friends in and out of the Service. 
 
 By way of experiment the ship's company was 
 fitting out the ship, and only the lower masts were in 
 her when I joined. It was constant and very instructive 
 work. When we crossed royal yards for the first time 
 we felt very satisfied that she made a fine show. 
 
 We did not find Chatham very interesting, especially 
 at that time of year ; later we were able to get some 
 boating and cricket. On the Medway I learned to scull 
 an outrigger, and experienced my first upset, luckily with- 
 out bad results, but with a curious experience. I was 
 capsized over a mud bank at high water ; on getting 
 back to the ship I found that a valuable scarf-pin was 
 missing ; I went back at low water and found it sticking 
 in the mud. 
 
 Chatham, or rather Rochester, possesses one great 
 object of interest in its old castle, which is well worth 
 a visit, as is Dickens's house on Gad's Hill. For amuse- 
 ments I only remember a disreputable music-hall known 
 as the ' Tin Can ' ; I presume it had another name, but 
 do not know it. It was rather rowdy, and a party of 
 young military officers (one in particular) was rotting 
 the performers ; at last one of the latter retaliated by 
 saying to the crowd, that had become rather restive,
 
 THE RALEIGH 119 
 
 " Let him alone, his mother turns a mangle to keep up 
 his commission." It was a brutal remark, and transferred 
 our sympathies to the recipient, although he had been 
 asking for trouble and had got it. These performers 
 are particularly sharp at repartee. We thought we were 
 in for a free fight, but there was nothing doing. It 
 is to be hoped that the youth learned that you cannot 
 play with edged tools without getting nicked. 
 
 The chief event I remember at this time is the 
 marriage of the Duke of Edinburgh to the Grand Duchess 
 Marie, which took place on January 23, 1874, followed 
 by their public entry into London a few weeks later. A 
 battalion of seamen was sent up from Chatham to mount 
 guard outside the Admiralty, and I went with a detach- 
 ment furnished by the Raleigh. It was a bitterly cold 
 day, and the snow lay thick on the ground. While we 
 were waiting for the bridal pair a group of Staff Officers 
 came riding along, ancj some irreverent youths snow- 
 balled them vigorously, much to the general amusement, 
 in which the Staff did not share. It was very trying 
 waiting in such cold, and the Guards, who were next 
 to us, took pity on us, and invited us into the Horse 
 Guards and stood drinks and cigars. After the proces- 
 sion had passed we marched to Somerset House, where 
 the Admiralty provided 1 a generous lunch, rather too much 
 so in the liquor department, for when we marched to 
 Victoria Station to entrain for Chatham the rear of the 
 column was brought up by a cab containing several men 
 who were incapacitated by drink from marching. As 
 we were defiling into the station, through a rather dense 
 crowd, a fascinating young woman caught hold of my 
 arm and said, " Don't go on the sea to-night." It was 
 a bit embarrassing, to say the least, but I brushed her 
 off, amid the audible sniggers of the men. 
 
 I was nearly forgetting an object of interest in 
 the Resolute, one of Admiral Sir E. Belcher's Arctic 
 Squadron. She was abandoned by him, together with 
 the Intrepid, in 1854, and made the North -West Passage 
 on her own. The Americans found her in the Behring 
 Straits in 1856, and later refitted her, sending her back 
 to our Queen as a present. I believe she was shortly 
 afterwards broken up. We are not a sentimental nation. 
 
 Early in June, 1874, the ship was in seagoing trim, 
 had made all her trials, 'and reported ready. We received 
 orders for the Mediterranean, with orders to call at
 
 120 
 
 Plymouth on the way. On arrival, the first news I 
 received was that I was promoted to Lieutenant. It 
 was a disappointment in a way, for I should have liked 
 to remain longer in a ship which we all felt was going 
 to be a credit to the Service, as proved to be the case. 
 
 Thus my seagoing experience of the Raleigh con- 
 sisted of a solitary trip from Chatham to Plymouth, 
 during which we ran a full-speed trial. 
 
 I parted with my messmates with great regret. They 
 entertained me with a farewell dinner, much to my, 
 surprise. I left the ship the following day, and reached 
 my. home that evening.
 
 CHAPTER IX 
 HALF-PAY 
 
 Without employ the soul is on a rack ; the rack of rest. 
 
 I HAD to anticipate a long period of half -pay, and I 
 did not view the prospect with much satisfaction. Some 
 people may like a rest, but as the average wait for an 
 appointment as Lieutenant was eighteen months it was 
 rather too long for most of us, especially those at all 
 keen. A serious consideration was that it did not even 
 mean half-pay in the strict sense of the word, for we 
 only received the magnificent retaining fee of four 
 shillings per diem. It was all very, well for those who 
 possessed any private means. No young man with any 
 self-respect cares to quarter himself on his people 
 indefinitely, and one or two had no home to go to. One 
 of these actually shipped as an A.B. on board a sailing 
 ship. At the termination of the trip the Skipper offered 
 ' Geordie ' (the name by which he was known) the post 
 of Boatswain for the next voyage, but Geordie got an 
 appointment. 
 
 It was an atrocious system, thoroughly bad and 
 indefensible. All these officers should have been 
 appointed supernumeraries in the fleet, for nearly every 
 ship could have accommodated one or two extra 
 Lieutenants and have been glad of them, while the 
 Service would have benefited by increased efficiency. As 
 it was, it created disgust, and some cleared out. Perhaps 
 the Admiralty counted on that. 
 
 For three months I enjoyed in modern parlance 
 a good time. Dances, dinners, boating -parties kept me 
 going ; for an unattached even if not eligible young 
 man, who is always available, need not lead the life 
 of a recluse. Then the usual reaction set in, and I 
 became weary of leading a drone's life ; besides, 
 
 121
 
 122 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 I hated being asked what I was doing and having to 
 explain that my profession had no use for me ; so I applied 
 for a course of instruction at the Royal Naval College, 
 Greenwich, for there, at least, I would have the company 
 of brother officers, and get the speech of the sea. An 
 order came for me to join on October i, 1874. 
 
 On arrival I found about forty other Half -Pays. 
 Commanders, Lieutenants (a class of the latter qualifying 
 for gunnery), any number of Subs (who came and went 
 like the ghosts in Macbeth}, and some Second -Lieutenants 
 of Royal Marines. 
 
 At first we Half-Pays were full of zeal, but in most 
 cases it soon oozed out. Nobody seemed to mind whether 
 we attended lectures or not. We were on half -pay, and 
 under obligations of a very limited kind, for the 
 Admiralty only provided quarters and contributed toward 
 our messing. We did not even wear uniform, and 
 messed in evening dress. The mess was an excellent 
 one, and you could always rely upon giving a friend 
 a good dinner, also you could invite people to see the 
 college, of which the painted hall and naval museum 
 were prominent features, and well worth inspection. 
 Greenwich is not a residential quarter, but there were 
 lots of nice people in the neighbourhood. The celebrated 
 * Ship * and ' Trafalgar ' Inns, so renowned for their fish 
 dinners, were on the wane, their glory had departed. 
 I think the trams had stopped people from driving down. 
 But I recall one or two festive occasions, and there 
 was certainly no fault to find with the menu or the wine. 
 Some of us experienced the hospitality of the great city 
 corporations, sumptuous feeds and balls at the Fish- 
 mongers' Hall, the Goldsmiths' and Tallow Chandlers' 
 among them. Perhaps we were too young then to 
 thoroughly appreciate the wines, but the after-effects did 
 us no harm ; now that one is in the ' sere and yellow,* it 
 seems to me that the converse holds good, and one 
 regretfully passes the bottle. 
 
 The college periodical dances were well attended, 
 and very popular. We finished off the term in a blaze 
 of glorious hospitality by giving a big ball that was 
 attended by over a thousand people. Some of them had 
 not been asked, but I believe there is a class of people 
 that does not let that stand in their way if they wish' 
 to attend a function that they believe will afford them 
 pleasure.
 
 HALF-PAY 123 
 
 ,We had a very good football team', and played some 
 excellent fixtures, and in the Spring held an athletic 
 meeting. One of the Lieutenants sportingly provided a 
 pack of beagles, and some quite good runs resulted. 
 
 But London is too near and its attractions too 
 fascinating for a college, especially with a convenient 
 train service of every twenty minutes, and it would be 
 far better for all concerned if it was in the heart of the 
 country. 
 
 The great city had begun to preen itself. The 
 embankment (a marvellous improvement to the riverside) 
 had been completed and opened by the Duke of 
 Edinburgh in 1870, and the underground railway was 
 available, although not entirely finished. Vast improve- 
 ments were effected by the construction of new streets 
 for the easement of traffic, such as Northumberland 
 Avenue, Charing Cross Road, and the widening of the 
 Strand, to be followed later by Kingsway. The railway 
 now ran into Cannon Street and Charing Cross. Efforts 
 to improve the moral atmosphere were being made. The 
 famous Argyle Rooms were closed, as were most similar 
 resorts, the result being that the frequenters of such 
 places were driven forth upon the streets. After the 
 hour of ii p.m. up to 2 or 3 in the morning, Piccadilly 
 and the Quadrant were packed with a dense throng of 
 men and women, kept circulating by the police, a 
 phenomenon that explained itself to all but the most 
 unsophisticated, and there were even some of that class 
 in those days. Cremome was closed about this time. 
 I only paid it a solitary visit, and it did not impress 
 me favourably, for evidently it was moribund. I did 
 go in the daytime again to witness a parachute descent ; 
 the performer was taken up underneath a balloon that 
 released him at a considerable height, when, to the horror 
 of us all, the apparatus, which resembled a huge bird, 
 completely crumpled up, and the unfortunate man fell 
 and was killed instantaneously. The distressing part of 
 it was that his wife was on the ground, and witnessed the 
 whole occurrence. 
 
 Human nature is a difficult problem to tackle even 
 for the London County Council, and in spite of well- 
 meant efforts I fear London has not succeeded in becom- 
 ing more moral, although it may be more aesthetic. 
 Americans and Foreigners have told me that our capital 
 city is one of the most wicked in the world. It may
 
 124 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 be so ; the majority of the English would be the last 
 people to become aware of it or admit it. Probably 
 the police could throw some light on the subject. Vice 
 cannot be stamped out by driving it from pillar to post, 
 and what is wanted is more rescue -parties. It is the 
 sort of work that women can and do undertake. 
 
 The theatres had made great strides in scenic effects 
 and settings, and were considered rather wonderful by 
 us ; now they are quite eclipsed. About this time I 
 paid a visit to the Canterbury, a music-hall on the Surrey 
 side. It had a novelty in the way of a sliding roof that 
 moved on rollers and when open let out all the foul 
 air and smoke. The attraction was Piteri, a celebrated 
 dancer at that time ; she was a most graceful and finished 
 performer. I only paid one visit to Evans Rooms in 
 Covent Garden ; they were renowned for their suppers 
 and a choir of vocalists, but I thought it a dingy place. 
 
 At the end of June we broke up, and I found myself 
 in possession of a certificate for French, to which a wag 
 had added ' Dancing.' 
 
 So home once more, but I soon after got a short 
 course in gunnery in the Excellent. There were seven 
 others in the class, and as we were on full-pay we had 
 to conform to rules and regulations. Being newly 
 hatched, we tasted the delights of a wardroom mess for 
 the first time. 
 
 By Christmas, 1875, I was home again, and on the 
 22nd of January, 1876, my appointment to the Indus 
 arrived. A glance at the Navy List told me that she was 
 the guardship of the Fleet Reserve at Plymouth, a harbour 
 ship. Making tracks for the Admiralty, I obtained an 
 interview with the Naval Lord who made the appoint- 
 ments, but, although sympathetic, he told me I might 
 " Take it or leave it," but that he would not give me 
 another for some time in the event of my deciding on 
 the latter course. It had to be ' Take it,' and I withdrew 
 from the August Presence baffled and sore.
 
 CHAPTER X 
 THE INDUS 
 
 But what are past or future joys ? 
 
 The present is our own ! 
 And he is wise who best employs 
 
 The passing hour alone. 
 
 I JOINED the Indus with a determination to make the best 
 of it, and, if I could not get a seagoing ship, to parti- 
 cipate in the pleasures of a harbour one. She was ;an 
 old two-decker, and most comfortably fitted up for 
 permanent occupation. My cabin was on the maindeck, 
 and was large and airy with two portholes ; all the guns 
 had been removed. The wardroom was spacious and 
 well furnished, the mess undeniably good. Most of my 
 messmates were married men, and only lunched on board. 
 Of course, they wanted a good lunch and got it. We 
 got a good breakfast and dinner too. How the mess- 
 man did it has often puzzled me. 
 
 We had over a thousand men on board, as we were 
 continually entering stokers. At first they seemed to be 
 always ' Swearing them In ' outside my cabin until I 
 got them moved on. As soon as they were 'Kitted Up ' 
 they were drafted to sea, thus getting no preliminary 
 training, which was a bad system. In these days they 
 get a good training and disciplining, and go to sea in a 
 properly chastened mood. Formerly they were the 
 toughest and most troublesome lot on board. 
 
 We also had about 200 Marines, who were putting 
 in their time for pension ; not one of these men had less 
 than three badges and some four ; they were a splendid 
 lot. Some of them were distributed in the Reserve Ships 
 as a guard. Part of the work of the Lieutenant on duty 
 was to visit these ships, and it had to be done twice a 
 week after 10 p.m. If the visiting boat was not hailed 
 
 12
 
 126 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 and the officer got on board unnoticed, there would be 
 ructions, but that did not often happen ; there was too 
 much of the old soldier about these men. The officer 
 had to visit three ships, and naturally, his choice fell on 
 those nearest, unless it was fine weather and summer time 
 and he did not mind a pull. For the guard-boat was a 
 gig, the only steamboat ; a large harbour launch ; being 
 reserved for the ship's work. The ships in reserve were 
 many and various, and were moored from close alongside 
 up to Saltash, and descended from a fine three-decker 
 (that had never been commissioned) to an old frigate, 
 whose lower-deck was so cramped that one could only 
 stand upright between the beams. What a place for 
 hundreds of men to live in! A naval curiosity was the 
 Icarus sloop, that had done a commission in China under 
 a certain noble Lord as Commander. She was painted 
 yellow, as were the ships in Nelson's time. I imagine 
 that the Admiral must have been rather a complaisant 
 man. But Captains did indulge in freaks, notably the 
 Captain of the Harlequin, who had his boat's crew in 
 the rig of Harlequins. Others had their men in cloth 
 jumpers, and another instituted red mess -waistcoats for 
 his officers. 
 
 Our First-Lieutenant took a delight in trying to get 
 on board these ships without being seen. He would pick 
 out a dark night and steal up with his men rowing easy 
 under the ship's stern, and if he succeeded he made off 
 with the ship's solitary ensign so that next morning they 
 had none to hoist. Then the unfortunate warrant officer 
 in charge would be signalled to repair on board, and there 
 were ' Wigs on the Green.' The rest of us did not quite 
 sympathize with this. 
 
 Our duties were very light, and there were four of us 
 to carry them out, so they only came every fourth day, 
 except when one was on leave, which was usually the case, 
 for in home waters we got six weeks' leave annually, 
 whereas on return from foreign service a miserable fort- 
 night per annum was the allowance. A strange anomaly. 
 
 All Service men know Plymouth and its lovely sur- 
 roundings that have not altered since those days. The 
 people were unbounded in their hospitality, and I don't 
 suppose that they have changed either. In fact, as regards 
 the social side, we could not have been better off, but 
 professionally it was no training for a young officer ; how- 
 ever, I had not asked for it, and I made the best of my
 
 THE INDUS 127 
 
 opportunities. But I will not weary my readers with a 
 detailed account of our gaieties. Yet an incident that 
 occurred at a fancy-dress ball may be of interest. One 
 youth went as a devil, very full in all details, horns and 
 tail, the latter being loaded with quicksilver, that caused 
 it to wave majestically, but it was a long time before he 
 could muster up courage to enter the ballroom. A girl 
 dressed as Eve (at least that was what she called it), 
 certainly looked the part. All I can remember about the 
 costume is that it had at least one big fig leaf on it, and 
 that, like the girl in the song, ' Her golden hair was 
 hanging down her Back.' She even had * A naughty 
 little twinkle in her Eyes.' My costume was that of 
 Henry Quatre, and it was the only time I remember falling 
 down ; my sword, worn in a frog, got between my legs 
 and I took a severe toss. Luckily I did not involve my 
 partner in my discomfiture. 
 
 We had a very crank little yacht belonging to the ship. 
 I tried it once, and thought myself lucky to get back to 
 the buoy. I did not like to croak, but felt that she was a 
 dangerous craft, and so she proved to be when later one 
 of the mess took her out ; for we got a signal that she 
 had capsized off the Devil's Bridge, near Drake's Island. 
 He was a married man, and shortly afterwards his wife 
 came on board. She had to be told, and insisted on 
 going out in the steam launch which we were despatching 
 to the rescue. Off we sped, and at the Devil's Bridge I 
 saw the mast of the infernal craft sticking up ; luckily 
 she did not see it. After a good search we returned to 
 the ship with dire forebodings. To our intense relief we 
 found Hubby on board ; he had been picked up in the 
 Sound, landed at Mill Bay, and taken in a cab to the 
 dockyard . 
 
 Harbour ships were very good billets for married men, 
 but married Lieutenants were rare in those days, and at 
 first we had none, but before I left there were two 
 Benedicts. I believe the married Lieutenant is no longer 
 a rara avis. It was sometimes rather unpleasant when a 
 young and charming woman insinuated that she wanted 
 Algernon or Marmaduke on a day when he was on duty, 
 and that you ought to take it for him. At last one became 
 quite glib at inventing previous engagements. However, 
 when all was well, we used to have quite nice family 
 parties on board. 
 
 I never held with young officers getting married, and
 
 128 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 acted up to my principles, for I did not marry until a 
 Commander. So many men got too much married, with 
 the result that they applied for ' Sloping Billets ' and 
 became regular ' Bundle Men/ of course finishing up 
 with the Coastguard. When they were retired they 
 realized, too late, that they had missed their tip. No 
 man in a subordinate position can give the zeal and time 
 to his ship, as demanded by our most exacting Service, 
 if his thoughts and wishes are with the partner of his joys 
 and sorrows as they ought to be. I don't wish to convey 
 an impression that all men in this category neglected 
 their duty, for it would not be true ; there were many 
 who ran the double show successfully, but they must 
 have had some bad moments. 
 
 A well-known officer (Commander of a big ship and 
 devoted to his job to the prejudice of everything else) 
 actually forgot himself so far as to get married. He 
 went ashore in the men's dinner-hour, when, of course, 
 there was nothing doing. He came off in time to set 
 them going again. That night he was about to turn in, 
 when his servant inquired whether he wasn't going on 
 shore. -' What for? " demanded his master. " Didn't 
 you get married to-day, Sir?" "Heavens! so I did. 
 Tell the officer of the watch to man my boat." History 
 does not relate what the bride said to him on his tardy 
 arrival. 
 
 Another wedding story may be inserted here. The 
 bride arrived at the church rather late, and the bride- 
 groom said something to her when she joined him, in- 
 audible to the bystanders. When the parson got to the 
 part that invites the bride to say whether she takes this 
 man to be her wedded husband, she replied in a firm 
 voice, " No ! ' As soon as the parson had recovered 
 from this bomb he intimated that the party had better 
 adjourn to the vestry, which it did. The bride was then 
 invited to give an explanation, and she proceeded to do 
 so. " You all know that I was late at the church," she 
 said. " Well, when I arrived, my prospective husband 
 turned to me saying, 'Why are you so late, damn you? ' 
 If a man will speak like that before marriage, what will 
 he say after? I won't marry him." And she didn't. 
 
 We did not see much of our Captain. He lived 
 at an hotel, being a single man. On the rare occasions 
 that he did come on board he was very abstracted and 
 odd in his manner. We strongly suspected and events
 
 THE INDUS 129 
 
 proved the truth of our suspicions that he was not quite 
 right in his head ; but we liked him, and he was uni- 
 versally popular. Judging by the light of what occurred, 
 he must have kept a very tight hand on himself. He 
 would suddenly come on board, and after a few words 
 with the Commander, perhaps ask him why he had come 
 on board and what for. The latter, who was a tactful 
 man, would suggest something, and he would adopt it 
 with alacrity. 
 
 He enjoyed giving dinner parties, and he asked me 
 to one soon after I joined. He greeted me most warmly, 
 and we waited for the arrival of the other guests. After 
 a considerable time he declared his intention of doing so 
 no longer, and we adjourned to the dining-room, where 
 there was a table laid for ten people ; the fact was, he 
 had forgotten to ask the others I It was a weird affair, 
 but a first-class dinner. .We spent quite an enjoyable 
 evening, and he even insisted on walking to the dockyard 
 with me to see me off. 
 
 He developed further eccentricities, and finally what 
 we feared happened. The Admiral sent for him to consult 
 him on some Service matter, and on arrival he com- 
 pletely gave himself away by asking why he had sent 
 for him, telling him that he was not the C.-in-C. and had 
 no authority over him. The Admiral sent for the Fleet 
 Surgeon, and rather a painful scene took place. He was 
 taken off to his rooms, and in reply to the Admiral the 
 Fleet Surgeon had to admit that he had suspected it for 
 some time. ' Then why have you not reported it? " said 
 the former, to which the reply was, " That is quite another 
 thing. One has to be careful when a senior officer is 
 concerned." The other saw the force of that, and ordered 
 a board to be held, with the result that he was placed 
 under constraint, and then the poor man broke down 
 utterly. 
 
 The doctor was quite right ; it is a most serious 
 matter to confine a senior officer unless his malady can be 
 fully established. A case in point is that of a Captain 
 who sent for his officers and told them that he was Jesus 
 Christ (this story being true, my readers must acquit me 
 of irreverence), and that they were his Apostles, impressing 
 upon them that one of them must necessarily be Judas, 
 and that they were to discover him and hang him. It 
 was a remarkable coincidence that there were just twelve 
 of them. It was a serious situation, and was terminated 
 
 9
 
 130 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 by the First-Lieutenant putting him under arrest with the 
 concurrence of the doctor. A few days later the flagship 
 came in, and the Lieutenant reported the affair to the 
 Admiral, who sent his Flag-Captain to see the patient. 
 They were old friends, and the Flag-Captain remained 
 below for a considerable time. At last he came on deck, 
 and as he went over the side he remarked in an audible 
 aside, " No more mad than I am." It was a most un- 
 comfortable moment for the Lieutenant and the doctor, 
 who exchanged looks of consternation. In the meantime 
 the Flag-Captain was pulling back to the flagship. 
 Suddenly the patient rushed on deck with a revolver 
 in his hand, and opened fire on his late guest and 
 friend. Luckily his shooting was poor, and all his shots 
 missed, but there was no more question as to his 
 madness. 
 
 One of my most pleasant and interesting experiences 
 while in the Indus was that of the annual fete, known 
 as ' Flora Day,' at Helston, in Cornwall. A party of us 
 went to stay with some people near Mullion, whence we 
 drove over to Helston. A crowd of people came in from 
 the surrounding district and etiquette was thrown to the 
 winds, for anyone 'who wished took part in the floral dance 
 with whomsoever he or she chose. We danced along 
 the streets, in and out of houses, to music furnished by 
 local talent. High and low, rich and poor, mingled with- 
 out embarrassment, everybody yielding to mirth and enjoy- 
 ment. Local customs like this are always interesting, 
 and it is to be hoped that we shall never become too 
 blase to enjoy them. 
 
 Before quitting the ship I had an object lesson upon 
 the folly of practical joking. We sent down an imaginary 
 signal from the C.-in-C. to one of our number, asking 
 him to dinner that evening. It was a full-fig affair, and 
 after he had ' got himself up ' and was going on shore, 
 we undeceived him. It was a poor jest, but the C.-in-C. 
 did not often condescend to mere Lieutenants, and we 
 knew that the youth would buck about it, and so he had, 
 for he had plenty of conceit. By the irony of fate a 
 genuine invitation by signal came a few days later, but 
 he was not to be had again. In the middle of mess 
 came a signal, " The Commander-in-Chief is waiting for 
 Lieutenant W. to complete his dinner party." Consterna- 
 tion on his part, which was succeeded by humiliation on 
 ours, for the following morning two of us spent a most
 
 THE INDUS 131 
 
 uncomfortable half-hour at the Admiral's office, Mount 
 Wise. 
 
 Early in July, 1877, our Commander was offered 
 command of the Condor, a gun-vessel, to be commissioned 
 for the Mediterranean station. He invited me to go as 
 First-Lieutenant, and you may be sure that I was not 
 long in making up my mind to accept.
 
 CHAPTER XI 
 THE CONDOR 
 
 "I am so sorry to part with the crew of the Condor.' 
 
 WE commissioned in July, 1877, and the next three 
 weeks were very busy ones. Getting a ship ready 
 required constant attention. I was visited one morning 
 by a former messmate ; we chatted for some time, and 
 then he remarked, " I know that fitting out a ship is 
 expensive work ; let me lend you some money." His 
 unexpected and generous offer very much moved me, but 
 I declined gratefully and I hope gracefully. I thought 
 of the two friends who held great arguments and 
 differed on many points ; one of them lent the other 
 money, and his friend ceased to differ. At last the former 
 cried out, " For Heaven's sake pay me back or contradict 
 !me." My friend and I jiever met again, for he was lost 
 in the Eurydice the following year, but I have never 
 forgotten Charles Vernon Strange and his kind thought ; 
 he was a rich man, but that does not detract from the 
 deed. 
 
 The expenses of fitting out were heavy. It fell 
 particularly on the executive officer, for the Government 
 allowance of stores, especially paint, was absurdly small. 
 It was the time when ' Spit and Polish ' was in full vogue, 
 and, given a man who could afford it, there was no 
 limit to its indulgence. A friend of mine spent the 
 whole of his pay on the ship. Our Second -Lieutenant, 
 R. R. Neeld (now a retired Admiral), told me that he 
 wished to help in some of the expense, so I asked him 
 to look after the guns in order that he might get the 
 credit for them. He did so in a most lavish manner, 
 and no guns in the fleet looked better. 
 
 \Ve arrived at Malta and filled up with stores for 
 th'e fleet which was lying in Besika Bay, for the war 
 between Russia and Turkey was in full swing, and our 
 
 132
 
 THE CONDOR 133 
 
 diplomatists were, as usual, backing Turkey. We pushed 
 on, loaded to the gunnel, and on arrival found Admiral 
 Phipps Hornby in the Alexandra with the rest of the fleet. 
 The Admiral gave us orders to weigh under sail three 
 times a week for practice. During one of these cruises 
 we stood in quite close to Mount Athos, and obtained a 
 good view of its monasteries. It was across this Isthmus 
 that Xerxes cut a canal in order to avoid the dangers 
 of its Cape. These cruises were very good practice, 
 and shook us into our places, besides teaching us what 
 the ship could do. She proved a very handy little craft. 
 Without being a pretty ship, she looked well ; the bow 
 was a straight one owing to the stem being fitted with 
 a ram that could be unshipped. .We had done this and 
 left it at Malta, where it still is, for all I know. She 
 was barque rigged, and the bowsprit was fitted to top 
 up. A fair specimen of the whimsies of that period. 
 
 Besika Bay is an open anchorage that commands 
 the entrance to the Dardanelles, but it is sheltered by 
 the island of Tenedos to the westward. The fleet had 
 been there some time, and quite a collection of huts and 
 stores had been erected on shore. The ubiquitous 
 Maltese had followed our fortunes, and it was possible 
 to purchase most of the necessaries of life, and some 
 of its comforts. There was a pack of hounds with which 
 the wily jackal was hunted, and that gave good sport ; 
 this necessitated kennels and stables, for many of the 
 officers had brought ponies from Malta. This part of 
 the show was managed by a sporting parson of the 
 Raleigh. There was shooting to be had, but the number 
 of guns, especially on an off day, far exceeded the game 
 to be found in the immediate neighbourhood ; still, there 
 was always an off-chance of something. Close by were 
 the excavations of Troy, to which we all paid visits, for 
 they were of intense interest, thanks to the work of 
 Schliemann, the explorer. 
 
 After a time the Admiral despatched us to Beyrout, 
 Coast of Syria, with orders to call at some of the islands 
 en route, and in turn we visited Mitylene, Scio, Samos, 
 Patmos, Symi, and Rhodes. The chief among these in 
 the point of interest were Samos and Rhodes. The 
 former possesses remarkable ruins, still traceable, among 
 them a Temple to Hera. It was here that Antony and 
 Cleopatra had a residence. It produces wine (of which 
 Byron sings) and, of course, we laid in a store, and
 
 134 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 that night at mess we complied with the Poet's invita- 
 tion to ' Fill high the bowl with Saurian .Wine ' with 
 most pernicious results, for it gave us all colic ! I have 
 never had any confidence in a Poet's judgment of wines 
 since. Did he get a commission? However, with a little 
 advertisement, we were able to dispose of it later in the 
 fleet, and suffered no loss. I suspect we were freely 
 anathematized when its peculiar properties were revealed. 
 
 At Rhodes the chief object of interest to me was 
 the old hostels in which the Knight Templars lived for 
 over two hundred years, now mostly in ruins ; typical 
 examples of the paternal Turkish Government, apathetic 
 of everything except the acquisition of money either by 
 loan or robbery. Most of these hostels still retained, 
 engraved on the lintels of the doors, the arms of the 
 Knights who inhabited them, and it was particularly inter- 
 esting to find among them the arms of the English 
 Knight dc Lisle Adam. At the mouth of the harbour 
 are the rocks on which stood the Colossus of Rhodes. 
 The Rhodians must have been of an ingenious and 
 architectural turn of mind to erect such a monument 
 that must have been of gigantic size to straddle the 
 harbour's mouth. 
 
 The view from the anchorage at Beyrout, which lies 
 in an open and dangerous bay, is a most pleasing one. 
 Behind stand the mountains of the Lebanon, still partially 
 covered with cedars, and away to the northward is the 
 river Lycus, along the valley of which the ' Syrian came 
 down like the wolf on the Fold.' He left momentoes 
 of his visit, that are there to this day, in the shape of 
 inscriptions on the cliffs that border the sea. We rode 
 out to inspect these and its rock tombs. 
 
 The neighbouring country was in a turbulent state 
 owing to the constant feuds between the Maronites and 
 Druses, who hold very opposite views on religious 
 matters. Consequently they enjoy nothing so much as 
 murdering each other, and then the wily Turk steps in 
 and impartially harrows both sides. On one of these 
 occasions an English woman was carried off by the 
 Turks, and put into a Harem. It was so long before 
 her release was arranged that she refused to accept it, 
 preferring to hide herself and her sorrow. We were 
 informed that it was the custom for the English ships 
 to supply her with papers, and we continued to do so', 
 but I never saw her.
 
 THE CONDOR 185 
 
 The Governor, Rustem Pasha, was an Italian who 
 had embraced Mohammedanism. I made his acquaintance, 
 and spent some very pleasant hours with him. He had 
 travelled much, and was a great Shikari. During one 
 of his trips he mortally wounded a bear that charged 
 him. When he turned for his second gun he found that 
 the bearer had fled ; he drew his hunting -knife, and 
 the bear closed and hugged him. After a desperate 
 encounter he lost consciousness, and when he recovered 
 the bear was lying dead beside him. Rustem got a 
 terrible mauling, and bore the marks for the rest of his 
 days. He was a bachelor, but one met many charming 
 women at his house, for he was a great ladies' man. 
 Many years after, at a Levee at St. James's, I caught 
 sight of him in one of the side rooms, and made a bee- 
 line for him. One of the officials stopped me with the 
 query, " Have you got the Entree? " " No, and I don't 
 want it. Is it as bad as the Flue? " I replied. He 
 smiled at my feeble jest, but I gained my purpose, and 
 he admitted me into the room reserved for Ambassadors, 
 and I renewed my acquaintance with Rustem. 
 
 There was also an Englishman of good position 
 living in Beyrout who had married his niece ; as it was 
 not legal in England, they embraced Mohammedanism 
 and settled down in Syria. They were very agreeable 
 people, and appeared perfectly happy. 
 
 At Jaffa I had to content myself with the house of 
 Simon the Tanner (the people in it must have thought 
 us very gullible), and with what shooting I could get 
 in the vicinity. The others went off to Jerusalem. 
 There are some disadvantages in being a First -Lieutenant. 
 
 Our stay was not very long, and early in 1878 we 
 were ordered to rejoin at Gallipoli. During our absence 
 the fleet had passed through the Dardanelles, and the 
 Channel Fleet had arrived to reinforce us. 
 
 Admiral Hornby was with his fleet up in the Marmora, 
 and my old Captain, Sir John Commerell, was at 
 Gallipoli in the Agincourt. Part of the Channel Fleet 
 was at Saros, on the other side of the Isthmus. 
 
 The passage of the Dardanelles had taken place at 
 a second attempt. At the first, on January, 25, 1878, 
 just as the ships, that were all cleared for action and, 
 ready to open fire, were almost within range of the forts, 
 a telegram came off from England ordering it back. 
 The disappointment that it caused may be imagined, for
 
 186 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 all Hands were keyed up for a desperate fight. At the 
 second attempt on February i2th, under the same con- 
 ditions, there was no effort made on the part of the 
 Turks to dispute the passage. This time a rather 
 untoward event occurred, for the Alexandra grounded 
 on a shoal just below Chanak. There were six ships, 
 and Hornby, retaining one to stand by the flagship, sent 
 the others on to Constantinople ; this saved the situa- 
 tion, although the Russians had occupied Adrianople, 
 and advanced to Chatalja, near Constantinople, between 
 which city and the Russians ran the lines of Kuchuk 
 Chekmeje, the last defence of the Turks. The Russians 
 believed, fortunately, that the British ships were crammed 
 with soldiers. 
 
 Owing to the sound strategic disposition of the ships 
 at the Gallipoli peninsula, the Turks, who occupied the 
 lines of Bulair with a, strength of 70,000 men under 
 Osman Pasha, the hero of Plevna, had a British force 
 on either flank. Ships, not troops, although Admiral 
 Hornby had repeatedly urged their despatch. An error 
 that was repeated in the late war with disastrous con- 
 sequences. Do we ever learn from bitter experience? 
 Knowing all that part so well, it is still a mystery why 
 our forces were not landed higher up the Isthmus. 
 But the man on the spot is the best judge, or ought 
 to be. , ! 
 
 iWe were all very much on the qui vive, for the 
 [Russians at Rodosto, sixty miles off, were expected to 
 advance on Bulair at any moment. In the Condor we 
 occupied an advance post as a vidette ship, guns being 
 manned day and night. I called on Osman Pasha several 
 times during this period, and the fine old warrior always 
 received me most genially ; we sat on cushions, and 
 drank black coffee, ate sweetmeats, and smoked, con- 
 versing by means of an Interpreter. Later I met another 
 Osman Pasha at Constantinople, who was an Admiral 
 and had served in the British Navy ; he was also a 
 fine specimen of the decent Turk there were some in 
 those days and was unfeignedly glad to see us and 
 spin a yarn or crack a joke. The Field -Marshal used 
 to lend us Cossack ponies, on which we scoured the 
 country behind the lines. His army was in fine fighting 
 fettle, but as regards clothing they were a ragged lot ! 
 It was a fine sight to see and hear them when they 
 paraded en masse at sunset and cheered the Padishah,
 
 THE CONDOR 137 
 
 \vh~o, like all the rest of those who preceded him, was 
 not worth even a cheer, much less the great sacrifice. 
 
 As for the commissariat, it hardly existed, and all 
 the ships contributed barrels of fragments, left over by 
 our men from their meals. I think that the Turkish 
 ration was one melon and a handful of cigarettes per 
 diem. Also it will hardly be credited that this army 
 of 70,000 men only had four doctors so called and 
 the surgeons of the fleet found plenty of work, which 
 gave them good practical experience, but the men were 
 a wonderfully healthy crowd. As for the sanitary 
 arrangements, they were on a par with the commissariat ; 
 when the wind blew off the lines the odour was inde- 
 scribable. Gas helmets had not been invented. 
 
 A party of us took a trip to the Asiatic shore landing 
 at Abydos, the scene of Byron's exploit ; he was 
 accompanied by Lieutenant Ekenhead, R.N. Here, too, 
 Xerxes built his bridge of boats. We drove to a 
 monastery and witnessed a performance by the dancing 
 Dervishes. The dance consisted in spinning round like 
 a teetotum, the youngest and most athletic monks 
 gyrated in the centre of a circle of several rings, tapering 
 off in quality to the outer one, which was reserved for 
 the old and feeble. The monks wore long black skirts, 
 and as they gained momentum the skirts gradually swung 
 out and heightened the effect the head was thrown 
 back, and the arms extended aloft (somewhat in Kamarad 
 style), with the palms of the hands flat. It was a 
 quaint performance, and the efforts of the old men on 
 the outside were pathetically comic ; the younger ones kept 
 up for an amazing time before sinking exhausted. All of 
 them seemed to be possessed by a religious ecstasy. 
 ' We next got in touch with the Russian Army, for 
 the ship was despatched to Rodosto, and as we steamed 
 into the bay a fine spectacle presented itself. The whole 
 force of 100,000 men was on the move, but after advanc- 
 ing some distance it returned and settled down again. 
 Later we learned that their Chief had received orders to 
 advance on Bulair and take it at all costs, but just 
 as they were fairly underway a telegram countermand- 
 ing the attack arrived. Vacillation is not a monopoly of 
 British diplomacy. It was undoubtedly fortunate for the 
 Russian Army, for the attack must have failed. The 
 Isthmus was enfiladed by our ships, and it would have 
 meant war with us, and Russia did not want that.
 
 138 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 We stood in and anchored, and dozens of Russian 
 officers came on board, and we had a lively time. This 
 army was composed of the Guards. The officers were 
 all of a good class, many of them noble, and a great 
 number spoke English. One General, whom I ventured 
 to compliment on his excellent English, remarked, " I 
 ought to speak it well, for my mother was a Miss 
 Abercromby, of Liverpool." I dined with the Artillery 
 that night, and got on 'board at 5 a.m. ; we left next day, 
 but paid another visit, and stayed several days with much 
 mutual good-fellowship. But they were terrors at 
 putting away the drinks. They were very emphatic in 
 declaring that the British and Russians had no quarrel, 
 affirming that it was an affair of the politicians. 
 
 A Colonel, Prince Oldenburg, commanding a cavalry 
 regiment, invited us to inspect it ; we found it a fine 
 one, and well horsed. He told me that he commanded 
 a German cavalry regiment also, and that he had been 
 with it all through the Franco -German War, and now 
 through this one with his Russians. He seemed a 
 glutton for fighting. 
 
 We now went on to our own fleet at Ismid, and 
 did duty as a liberty boat, taking officers and men up 
 to Constantinople. Finally the fleet moved to Princopo, 
 and we were sent as extra Stationaire to the Ambassador, 
 Sir Henry Layard. Every nation had a Stationaire to 
 attend on the national representative. Some had two, 
 as ourselves, the French, and Germans. The United 
 States, Austrian, Italian, Spanish and Greeks, one each. 
 
 The aftermath of war was very much in evidence ; 
 the hotels and places of amusement were thronged with 
 officers, prominent among whom were soldiers of fortune, 
 or Swashbucklers, as we termed them ; a few of these 
 were English. It was the time of the Armistice, and 
 crowds of Russian Officers visited the city. They 
 probably had orders to preserve a peaceable demeanour, 
 but the same cannot be said of the Swashbucklers, who 
 rattled their sabres and endeavoured by every means to 
 provoke the visitors. I was a spectator of more than 
 one of these incidents, but only one in connection with' 
 our own officers. A party of Russians entered a Cafe 
 in which were some of us in mufti, while the former 
 were in uniform' ; but I suppose we were easily recogniz- 
 able, for one of the Russians, who was under the influence 
 of drink, approached and began to be offensive in his
 
 THE CONDOR 139 
 
 behaviour. We paid no attention to him, and getting 
 bolder, he knocked off one man's hat, and then patted 
 himself on the breast, remarking, " Me Russian." Our 
 friend got up, without picking up the hat, patted himself 
 on his chest, remarked, " Me English," and promptly 
 downed the Russian. The Russian had selected the best 
 man with his fists among our crowd. It looked rather 
 nasty for a moment, but before the man had time to get 
 up, his more sober companions dragged him off and 
 quitted the Cafe in a body. 
 
 Among the Stationaires the Germans were uni- 
 versally disliked. The Americans and French were our 
 chief friends, and we chummed together a good deal ; 
 but sailors of all nations used to share the brotherhood 
 of the seas in those days ; the Germans have now put 
 themselves outside the pale. Most of the ships were 
 moored in line-abreast off Tophane, with their sterns 
 hauled into the shore. Our Captain very prudently 
 declined a billet in what was satirically known as 
 ' Harmony Row,' and we moored in solitary state. 
 Following events justified his caution, for in a southerly 
 gale the outside ship parted her moorings and crashed 
 into the next one ; they all followed suit until the whole 
 ten of them were in a hopeless mix up. The medley 
 that ensued can be imagined ; it was as if the Tower 
 of Babel had vomited forth its inhabitants, and amid the 
 howling of the gale we could hear shouts and orders in 
 all languages. 
 
 Immediately above our anchorage lay three or four 
 Turkish Ironclads, moored off the Sultan's Palace of 
 Yildiz Kiosk. He liked to feast his eyes on these ships, 
 built in England on borrowed money, not yet paid back. 
 As usual, with anything that the Turk had control of, 
 they were in a most inefficient state, and were simply 
 rotting at their anchors, in spite of the efforts of two 
 capable Englishmen, Hobart and Woods, Pashas, both 
 of whom had served in the Royal Navy. On paying 
 an official visit to the flagship, I found the greater part 
 of the crew engaged in prayer, prostrated on the deck, 
 each man with his little bit of carpet. The Captain, 
 who had served in our Navy, and spoke English very 
 well, remarked that it was ' damned inconvenient,' as 
 directly there was a job on they dropped it for their 
 devotions. The remainder of the fleet was safely stowed 
 away in the Golden Horn. If they had ventured into
 
 140 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 the Black Sea the Russians would have had an easy, 
 job. I do not disparage the Turk as a fighter, but as 
 an organizer, and with them all, graft was paramount. 
 
 Even in our billet we were not safe. One night 
 a huge steamer dragged its anchors and fouled us. Mfe 
 veered until we were out to the clinch, and, in our turn, 
 had fouled a Frenchman astern of us. I told the Sub 
 to go to the stern and hail the Frenchman to veer cable. 
 The Sub (having no French) in true British fashion 
 called out " Veeray," which was the nearest he could 
 get to it. Now ' Virer ' is to haul in ; the proper term 
 is ' Filer,' which means pay out. So all the answer 
 he got was a plaintive wail of " Morisieur, Je ne puis 
 pas." The Frenchman was out to the clinch as well. 
 
 Every Friday the Sultan went to Mosque in state ; 
 this is called the Selamlik. For certain reasons the par- 
 ticular Mosque which he intended to honour was not 
 divulged until the last moment. Every precaution was 
 taken, such as lining the route with picked troops, and 
 guarding the carriage with 1 an escort of cavalry. Of 
 course, we took the opportunity (of seeing the man labelled 
 by Gladstone as ' Abdul the Damned, the great Assassin.' 
 Through our Embassy we secured good places, and in 
 due time a carriage arrived in which sat the Sultan. 
 We saw a man dressed in' a brilliant uniform and wearing 
 a fez with a valuable jewelled aigrette on it ; some glitter- 
 ing orders sparkled on his breast. His face "bore very 
 pronounced features, such as a prominent nose and dark 
 eyes, while the remarkable pallor of his complexion was 
 accentuated by black hair and moustache ; his bearing 
 was listless, but I seemed to detect a shade of apprehen- 
 sion. The crowd was not demonstrative. 
 
 I shall not attempt to describe the beauties of the 
 Bosphorus. It has been so often done that any descrip- 
 tion of mine would be vain repetition ; suffice it to say 
 that it is all that has been said of it and then ' Some.' 
 As regards the city, I think it is the most beautiful 
 from the water and the dirtiest on land that I have 
 ever seen. Even Pera, the European quarter, was no 
 exception. Beautiful buildings and the place swarms 
 with them do not compensate for dirt and lack of transit ; 
 the usual method of getting about was by hiring a pony 
 from a line that stood at the street corners. The 
 trappings were none of the cleanest, and the animals 
 not too sure-footed. Going to a dinner at the Embassy
 
 THE CONDOR 141 
 
 one night with Neeld, the latter's pony came down, 
 covering his goldlaced trousers with the filthy mud that 
 is allowed to accumulate in the streets. Nobody ever 
 troubled to remove it, and the scavengering was left 
 to the famous dogs, who kept strictly to their own par- 
 ticular streets. I understand that these animals have 
 been destroyed ; sanitary arrangements must be looking 
 up. At night time it was advisable to walk in the middle 
 of the street, for the householders had a playful way 
 of emptying their slops out of the windows ; it saved 
 labour. A cascade of dirty water (to put it mildly) is 
 not calculated to improve wearing apparel I It was as 
 well to go ' Heeled ' at night, for there were any number 
 of ruffians ready to take advantage of the stranger within 
 their gates. Travelling by water was different ; one 
 hired a caique, lolled at leisure, and took one's fill of 
 palaces, mosques, and minarets. A trip up the Golden 
 Horn, the Sweet Waters, was a dream. I must not 
 forget to mention the constant stream of birds that passes 
 up and down the centre of the waterway, flying just 
 a foot or two above it, a curious sight. They are Shear- 
 waters, and are supposed by the intelligent Turk to be 
 reincarnations of his countrymen, therefore sacred. 
 
 We visited Stamboul, and explored St. Sophia, its 
 grand interior disfigured by tawdry texts from the Koran 
 painted on huge circular shields. My chief feeling was 
 one of regret that such a noble building should 
 have been diverted from Christianity to Mohammedanism, 
 although still devoted to the worship of the same God. 
 Hither came Mohammed II on the fall of the city in 
 1453, and all who had sought sanctuary in the building 
 were put to the sword. After this the Conqueror 
 mounted the altar and returned thanks to Almighty God. 
 Then we went to the Seraglio with its heaps of 
 treasures and bowls of uncut gems, the Bazaar with its 
 combined squalor, wealth and smells, the Admiralty that 
 seemed asleep, and, finally, other Mosques until we were 
 satiated with them. 
 
 At that time no Europeans were allowed in Stamboul 
 after sunset. To reach that quarter one had to cross 
 the bridge that spanned the Golden Horn from Galata 
 to Pera. My recollections are that it was better kept 
 than Pera. Crossing the bridge you ran the gauntlet 
 of innumerable beggars who displayed the most revolting 
 collection of sores and diseases, no doubt cultivated for
 
 142 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 the purpose of appealing to the passers ; in fact, they 
 are regarded by them as a monetary asset. There are 
 .more awful sights in this place than anywhere else, but 
 the East abounds with these people. They don't even 
 trouble to brush the flies away, and the children's eyes 
 are often ringed with these disseminators of disease ; 
 sometimes they looked as if they had on a pair of 
 spectacles. At Beyrout there was an extraordinary 
 deformity in the shape of a Being who was carried 
 about on the back of a stout Syrian. He reminded me 
 of Sinbad the Sailor. This freak seemed to be all head, 
 hardly any body, very short legs, and long, skinny, arms. 
 The expression of his face was most repulsive, and one 
 gladly parted with a coin to get rid of such a hideous 
 object. This revolting wretch was reported to be quite 
 rich, the result of the alms that he collected, and to be 
 the proud possessor of a Harem. 
 
 As regards society in Constantinople, there was great 
 choice and variety. We were very much welcomed by 
 the Consul-General of the United States, who kept open 
 house and entertained liberally. There we met people 
 of all nations, among them many Levantines. The latter 
 seemed to have the gift of tongues, and I can recall 
 one brilliant young woman who, sitting on a lounge, 
 could converse with half a dozen admirers of different 
 nationalities ; she must have got some fun out of it. 
 Then there were two accomplished Armenian girls who 
 had taught themselves English, which they spoke with 
 a most extraordinary accent. We got up some private 
 theatricals that proved a great success, and even if some 
 of the polyglot audience did not understand it all, they 
 made a good pretence, and heartily joined in the 
 merriment. Society owed a great deal to Consul-General 
 and Mrs. Heap. Nor must I forget the Swedish 
 Minister and his two charming daughters, the Misses 
 d'Ernhoff, and other friends who lived at Scutari, on 
 the Asiatic side. 
 
 At the house of an English resident I met the accom- 
 plished Turkish Princess, Nazli Hanoum, who had 
 emancipated herself from the Turkish custom of appear- 
 ing veiled. She was very pretty and rich, and was 
 generally accompanied by an equally attractive companion 
 of the same sex and opinions ; both could converse 
 fluently in English. When Lord Brassey's yacht, the Sun- 
 beam, came in I had the honour of taking them on board.
 
 THE CONDOR 148 
 
 We were, of course, invited to the official functions 
 at the various Embassies, and one of the most superb 
 fancy-dress balls that I have ever attended was given by 
 the Austrian Ambassador. There were about 500 guests 
 all in fancy-dress, some very beautiful, others quaint. I 
 had to invent something, and finally evolved a costume 
 that sufficiently resembled the orthodox pirate as to 
 warrant my calling myself one. A good ship's cutlass 
 gave it the finishing touch. Toward the end the usual 
 cotillon came on, and when we had exhausted its 
 numerous figures (which were ably conducted by an 
 experienced leader) we all marched off with our 
 partners, circulated through the various rooms, return- 
 ing to the ballroom to find it laid for supper. The 
 tables had been fully prepared, and rushed in during our 
 absence ; it was a fine example of gastronomic stage - 
 management. 
 
 Mounted paper-chases, organized by the British 
 Attache's, were a great source of amusement. Mounted 
 on every variety of steed, we enjoyed some fine scampers 
 over the neighbouring country, to the amazement of 
 Johnnie Turco, as must have been also the cricket matches 
 at Therapia, whither the Embassies retired for the 
 summer months. A party of us rode to the Turkish lines 
 and called on the Pasha, who received us hospitably ; 
 he introduced us to Baker Pasha, a former Colonel in 
 the British Army, who had accepted a post in the Turkish 
 Army, and who was chiefly responsible for the excellent 
 lines of defence. Continuing in their service, he fell at 
 Trinkitat in 1884, at the head of the Egyptian Force 
 that broke before the onslaught of the Mahdi's Fuzzy - 
 wuzzies and perished to a man. He was a fine soldier, 
 and died the death that he would doubtless have 
 preferred. 
 
 At Constantinople the women all wore the Yashmak ; 
 the upper classes were not too particular as to the 
 transparency of it, and many of them were remarkably 
 handsome, the Harems being largely recruited from 
 Georgians and Circassians. The only part of their 
 costumes that we could see was the hat, which was only 
 thinly covered, and usually of the latest French fashion. 
 These ladies knew how to give the ' Glad Eye ' (this 
 expression was not in use then, but I have heard of a 
 ' Come hither Look '), and some of them appeared quite 
 ready for an intrigue ; but it was a dangerous game for
 
 144 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 a European to play. >We were told of numerous women 
 being consigned to the waters of the Bosphorus, muffled 
 up in sacks. Of course, these women were closely 
 watched, but most of their attendants were of the class 
 that is easily influenced by a bribe. 
 
 At the signing of peace we had a trip into the Black 
 Sea, going to Bourgas, a port on the west coast where 
 the Russians were embarking their troops ; these were 
 infantry of the line, and not of the same quality as those 
 we had met at Rodosto. We met many General Officers 
 with their Staffs some had their wives with them ; a 
 large party came on board, and we found the latter as 
 charming as their husbands. None of them had ever 
 seen a British kWarship, and were consumed with 
 curiosity. Many of them were Princesses, a somewhat 
 plentiful title in Russia. 
 
 I also met a distinguished Russian Naval Officer, 
 Commander Makaroff, who afterwards was torpedoed in 
 his flagship, the Retzivan, by the Japanese off Port 
 Arthur, where we had only just joined as Commander-in- 
 Chief. He was a most impressive man, tall, good-look- 
 ing, with a full blonde beard. Very genial, he soon won 
 you. He spoke several languages, and told me that 
 he was occupied in teaching himself Spanish. Most of 
 the Russians seem admirable linguists, and able to tackle 
 any language, which is not surprising when we realize 
 how difficult their own is. Russia lost a splendid son 
 in Makaroff. 
 
 Upon the evacuation of Adrianople, Admiral Hornby 
 took the fleet back through the Dardanelles on the igth 
 of March, 1879 ; we na( i rejoined a few days previously. 
 The fleet passed through the Straits in two columns and 
 anchored at Besika the same evening. Before quitting 
 Constantinople the ' Condors ' were the guests of the 
 Pera Club at a farewell dinner ; we separated at an 
 early hour, and when leaving I noticed a room that was 
 stacked with empty bottles. The secretary informed me 
 that they represented the evening's consumption. Some 
 drink ! The next morning a large crowd came off to 
 wish us goodbye, and we administered cocktails to a 
 good many sufferers with bad heads. ' A hair of the 
 dog that bit you.' 
 
 On the general dispersion that followed, we were 
 ordered to visit the island of Crete, going first to Suda 
 Bay, into which we were piloted by a Turkish Officer,
 
 THE CONDOR 145 
 
 who made a great pretence of there being a minefield. 
 My private opinion was that it did not exist ; if it 
 did, although the war was over, the apathetic Turk had 
 not removed it. Calling at several places on the north 
 side, we reached the island of Scarpanto to examine its 
 harbour ; it was completely landlocked, and big enough 
 to accommodate a larger number of ships, but it would 
 be easy to block. The scenery all round these parts is 
 grand. Mountains., cliffs, and formidable rocks with quaint- 
 looking towns perched in unexpected places, generally 
 dominated by an ancient castle, around which the houses 
 cluster. iWhen you land you arrive very soon at the 
 conclusion that some sort of protection is needed, for 
 all the male portion of these communities go about armed 
 to the teeth walking arsenals and would as soon cut 
 your throat as shake hands with you. 
 
 We got back to Malta and found ourselves with the 
 fleet. The great charm was the opera, where, for the 
 modest sum of three shillings one heard all the standard 
 works. Many celebrated singers have made their debut 
 there ; in my time the sisters Ravogli were paramount 
 favourites. 
 
 The dividing-line between the British and the Maltese 
 was very apparent in the Opera House ; the latter 
 occupied one side of the house and we the other. A 
 Maltese who had found a place among us one evening 
 did not stand up when the National Anthem was played. 
 One of our party leaned over, tapped him on the shoulder, 
 and requested him to rise. He curtly refused, whereupon 
 our man seized him by the scruff of the neck and forced 
 him to stand, which he had to do to avoid being choked. 
 The proletariat is as a class industrious, but the usual 
 number of beggars is to be met with ; visitors will recall 
 the well-known one at the foot of the Nix Mangiare 
 steps. Many of the meni are sturdy, good-looking fellows, 
 but the women, almost without exception, are the plainest 
 I ever encountered ; perhaps that is the reason why 
 they continue to wear the Faldette a black hood that 
 covers the head and conceals the face. This fashion was 
 adopted when the French captured the island. 
 
 During the winter the harbour sheltered several 
 yachts, the owners of which were most hospitable. The 
 well-known United Services Club in Strada Reale was 
 a great rendezvous. Who does not remember the Quails 
 in aspic and the Becaficos? The boats from Sicily 
 
 10
 
 146 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 brought over quantities of fruit, and wines of Italy were 
 to be had in profusion. It was balls, dinners, and picnics 
 over again ; but one found time to visit objects of 
 interest, such as the Cathedral of St. John, there to 
 inspect the silver gates and listen to High Mass with 
 its splendid musical setting, at which all the operatic 
 stars assisted. The Maltese have a saying, ' Beautiful 
 Naples, holy Rome, little Malta the flower of the 
 World,' and I think they may be pardoned for the 
 conceit. 
 
 Fleet theatricals became popular, and we held them 
 in the old Theatre Manoel. A naval chaplain, who was a 
 thorough sportsman (among other things he coached his 
 racing-boat's crew), took a small part in the play, and 
 scored distinctly. After the first performance, a shore- 
 going parson who had asked him to preach for him, 
 wrote saying that he could not allow a man who had 
 appeared on the stage of a theatre to fill his pulpit. 
 This is a curious instance of Christian charity. 
 
 After being refitted, we received orders for Athens, 
 and left one afternoon ahead of an ironclad that was 
 going to Naples. The C.-in-C. was on the Barranca 
 (a promenade overlooking the harbour), and having a 
 party with him, he wished to give them a show, so a 
 signal was made to 'make all sail.' It is almost in- 
 credible, but the big ship never saw the signal, although 
 she might have condescended to take a hint from us, as 
 we were soon under all possible sail. I wonder what the 
 Admiral said to the Captain in the next mail-bag I This 
 incident reminds me that in the Channel Fleet I once 
 saw a ship make all plain sail before the men had time 
 to get aloft. This glaring instance of ' Strop and Toggle 
 Work ' was a little too much for the Admiral, and some 
 nasty signals were fired off at her. 
 
 .We arrived and moored in the Piraeus, and found a 
 French Squadron in the harbour. Our first object was 
 to visit Athens and the Acropolis. One visit did not 
 suffice me, and on each occasion the wonder and charm 
 of it all seemed to increase. But every one did not view 
 these fascinating ruins from 1 the same standpoint ; one 
 of my companions had only eyes for his ship anchored 
 in the distant Piraeus, and he drew my attention to 
 the brass on the forecastle, and expatiated on the 
 brilliancy with which they shone in the sun. Another, 
 when we had gained the shade of the Parthenon, sat
 
 THE CONDOR 147 
 
 down, remarking, " Some fools come Here anH weep, I 
 should like a drink"." 
 
 I think that the extraordinary solitude that prevailed 
 on the Acropolis impressed me more than anything else. 
 Generally there was not a soul about, not even the usual 
 importunate guide. It created a feeling of awe and 
 solemnity. Such conditions assisted one to construct 
 scenes of the place as it was when Pericles and his 
 successors had completed their work and it was in its 
 glorious prime. Now it is represented by a few columns 
 and portions of walls, while the surface of the Acropolis 
 is littered with blocks of marble and stone. What a 
 scene of enchantment it would present if it had been 
 kept in the same condition as the more fortunate temple 
 of Theseus. But every country has had its vandals, and 
 our own has not escaped ; witness the ruined Abbeys and 
 Castles. 
 
 "But like the ancient Greeks, we can still stroll round 
 the summit and enjoy the spectacle that rewards the 
 enthusiast. In Athens modern buildings of interest were 
 few. The King's palace was small and unimpressive. 
 King George was a great favourite with his people, and 
 I have seen him walking about the city with only an 
 A.D.C. in attendance, and yet he fell by the hand of 
 an Assassin. ; I 
 
 Another time I rode from the Piraeus with a French 
 officer to inspect the city ; he was a good Cicerone, 
 and finally we went to a Cafe" on the banks of the historic 
 Ilissus, whence we enjoyed a view of the Acropolis with' 
 the towering columns of the temple of Jove (what was 
 left of them) intervening. We were joined by one of 
 the fair Artistes, who at first was amusing, but she began 
 to get decidedly wearisome ; the riddle was how to get 
 rid of her without hurting her feelings. She was called 
 away for a turn, and my companion solved the difficulty 
 by borrowing my riding-whip and placing it together 
 with his own across the seat of the chair she had 
 occupied. After her song she returned, glanced at the 
 chair, and took the hint. 
 
 We had become great friends with the officers of 
 La Touche Treville. Unfortunately a very untoward 
 incident occurred in connection with' her. Warships, for 
 obvious reasons, are supplied with flags of all nations. 
 Good signalmen, like good housekeepers, know the value 
 of keeping things properly aired. In the British Navy
 
 148 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 the orders are that such airing must not be performed 
 in public, in order to avoid offending the susceptibilities 
 of the Powers concerned. One morning La Touche 
 Treville hoisted about fourteen of these flags, ours among 
 them, but in an inferior position. This was too much 
 for our Captain, who despatched an officer with a request 
 to the French Captain not to show our flag in such a 
 manner. It was not a pleasant job, and I don't think that 
 Neeld, upon whom it fell, liked it much, but duty is duty, 
 and he duly performed it. Before he had had time to 
 return all the flags were hauled down, and then, slowly 
 and majestically, the French Tricolor and the White 
 Ensign were hoisted side by side until they floated from 
 the masthead in company. It was a tactful amende and 
 an instance of a Frenchman's readiness of resource. 
 
 In the meantime we had been rather perturbed, for 
 we had been invited on board that night to dinner. (N.B. 
 The French officers had an admirable chef.} Presently 
 a boat was seen coming, and one of the ' Trevilles ' 
 came over the side in full dress. He approached the 
 Captain and made him a speech, the gist of which was 
 that his Captain tendered his regret, and at the same 
 time expressed his astonishment that a friendly nation 
 should be deemed capable of offering a slight where none 
 could possibly be intended. I was present, and the officer 
 turned to me and said, " So far I have spoken as a 
 French Officer, now I wish to speak as a French 
 Gentleman. I am instructed by my brother officers to 
 say that we still hope to see you all to-night, in spite of 
 this regrettable affair." We went and spent a most 
 enjoyable evening with these good fellows. Their 
 yellow Chartreuse was a dream. 
 
 Their flagship, La Reine Blanche, lay close by. One 
 morning their band struck up a lively air of Offenbach, 
 and the sentry in the walk nearest us grounded his rifle, 
 and with great enjoyment to himself and us performed 
 an excellent cancan. I wonder what would have 
 happened if the officer of the watch had looked over 
 the ship's side. 
 
 Thence we were ordered to Salonica. Captain Synge, 
 one of the British Commissioners in Cyprus, had been 
 captured, while on leave, by brigands, who were holding 
 him for ransom, which they modestly fixed at 10,000. 
 The Turkish Government was almost powerless outside 
 the town, and had to employ agents to arrange terms.
 
 THE CONDOR 149 
 
 It was thought that a British warship might expedite 
 matters. On the way, up we passed quite close to Cape 
 Colonna, on which stands the remains of a temple to 
 Minerva ; it is of white marble, and a fine sight when 
 viewed from the sea. Its isolated position on the hill 
 renders it most conspicuous. 
 
 During the negotiations we remained at anchor off 
 the town. We were most hospitably entertained by 
 Consul-General Blount and his wife. From 1 the latter I 
 learned to play ' Cayenne Whist/ a cross between whist 
 and bridge. The lady, a most popular person, made 
 an excellent instructress. We also had some horses 
 placed at our disposal by an Armenian gentleman, and 
 got plenty of exercise, although we were limited in 
 direction on account of the brigands, over whom the 
 Turks appeared to have no control. Salonica had all 
 the characteristics of an eastern town, and harboured 
 citizens of all nations, many of whom were not too well 
 disposed toward us. It was in the usual state of cities 
 under Turkish rule. 
 
 At length negotiations were completed, and we stood 
 over and anchored under the shade of Mount Olympus, 
 in the neighbourhood of which the prisoner was to be 
 handed over to us. I was sent in to fetch hirri, and on 
 landing met a group of Turks, among whom was our 
 countryman. I think he was unfeignedly glad to see 
 me, for the ruffianly brigands had cut his servant's throat 
 and had been threatening to send in pieces of himself 
 (such as ears), unless the ransom was forthcoming 
 quickly. There was not much to choose between the 
 brigands and the Turks in appearance, and it is quite 
 likely that they were in collusion. 
 
 We now had a spell of some weeks at Port Said. 
 It had an unsavoury reputation, which on acquaintance 
 we found it fully deserved. Ships came in at all hours, 
 and there was plenty of hustle and coal dust, and 
 during the six weeks we remained there, we lived in 
 the latter. Port Said was then one of the most awful 
 holes in the world. All the scoundrels that were trying 
 to evade justice seemed to find an asylum in it ; con- 
 sequently, there was no place so, ..unsafe or so cosmopolitan. 
 The gambling houses, cafe's and other haunts, were open 
 day and night. When any large steamer came in with 
 passengers and there was a chance of a pigeon to be 
 plucked, decoys stood at the doors and enticed people
 
 150 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 in. The roulette tables were all faked, and could be 
 controlled by the Croupier. On entry the unwary would 
 find a stool-pigeon who was winning freely ; this usually 
 induced them to back their own luck, of course with 
 disastrous results. iWe old hands used to take advantage 
 of the above by backing the confederate up to a certain 
 point, and after winning a few medjidiehs (Turkish 
 dollars), gracefully withdrawing. It used to make the 
 proprietors mad. It was, of course, quite unsafe to 
 venture out alone into the dark and unsavoury quarter 
 of this ruffianly settlement. One or two of the Cafe 
 Chantants were tolerably decent, but they provided a class 
 of amusement that soon palls. The music was furnished 
 by a Band of Bohemian women which, under a manager 
 of the sterner sex, visits most of the important places in 
 the Near East, and in this manner earn their dowry. A 
 remarkable flight of quails occurred during our stay ; it 
 lasted for two days, and we caught hundreds, for they 
 were too tired to escape. We almost got tired of quails 
 on toast, and sympathized with the poor Israelites with 
 their limited diet. i 
 
 At length we cleared out of this pestiferous place, 
 and headed for Jaffa and Acre, the latter an interesting 
 old place with fine fighting reminiscences, and memorable 
 as the place where Bonaparte received a setback. I 
 went over to Mount Carmel, where there is a monastery, 
 in which is situated a cave wherein Elijah was fed by 
 the ravens. The monk who showed it to me winked 
 as he made the statement. Later he confided to me 
 that he would willingly renounce the pleasures of the 
 monastery for the pomps and vanities of the wicked world, 
 which he regretted having quitted. It was a monastery 
 of the silent fraternity, and this individual found it 
 exceedingly wearisome, no doubt, for he was a garrulous 
 person. At Jaffa we were visited by two officers of 
 the Royal Engineers, who were engaged in a survey of 
 Palestine. One of them 1 was Horatio Herbert Kitchener, 
 destined to make a great name for himself and to render 
 invaluable services to his country. He was a fine attrac- 
 tive-looking man, and of decidedly arresting personality. 
 Beyrout again, after a look in at Tyre and Sidon, 
 and here we spent Christmas of 1879. I went off 
 to the Lebanon on a visit to some friends ; but before 
 it was completed my recall arrived, for the ship had 
 been suddenly ordered to Larnaca, in Cyprus, to meet
 
 THE CONDOR 151 
 
 the Admiral, and early, in January, 1880, we arrived 
 there to find him in the Alexandra. 
 
 After anchoring, the signalman reported the Admiral 
 passing in his barge. On arrival on our beam the barge 
 stopped, and the Admiral was [heard to say that he wished 
 to see the First -Lieutenant. Somewhat perturbed, I 
 mounted the bridge and saluted him. ' Uncle Jeff ' (as 
 he was called) then made the following remark, " The 
 Condor looks as if she had been a fortnight in harbour, 
 instead of having just come in from! Sea." It is un- 
 necessary, perhaps, to say that I was much gratified by 
 these words of praise, but I fully recognized that my 
 shipmates were included in it ; it was their loyalty and 
 co-operation that enabled me to achieve success. Praise 
 from such a man was worth having, and we felt an 
 intensified feeling of regret at his departure ; he was 
 about to be relieved in his command, after a strenuous 
 three years. During that period he had many knotty 
 problems to deal with, and he solved them all satisfac- 
 torily, acting with the ready promptitude and vigour that 
 distinguished him. The honour of the country rested in 
 his hands on more than one occasion, and never did he 
 fail. 
 
 iWe made our farewell to this distinguished and 
 popular Admiral, and sailed for Famagusta. This old 
 Venetian city is enclosed in walls, and most of it, although 
 deserted, is in a good state of preservation. A sally- 
 port opens on to a pier, and the harbour is partly 
 enclosed by a breakwater. Within the walls are some 
 fine buildings ; it was silent, deserted, and eerie. Dining 
 one night with the Commissioner, who lived outside the 
 walls, I experienced an extraordinarily uncanny feeling 
 when returning to the ship. I entered by the North gate, 
 and had to pass through the town. Walking along the 
 silent streets lit only by a full moon, seen occasionally 
 between the tops of houses and most of the time in 
 deep shadows, I began to wonder whether I had been 
 prudent in going about alone and unarmed ; all sorts 
 of dangers seemed to be lurking in dark corners. tWith 
 a feeling of relief I reached the sallyport and emerged 
 on to the jetty, where I found my boat and felt cheered 
 by the honest faces of the crew. 
 
 From Famagusta we went to Alexandretta, the sea- 
 port of Aleppo. Our avowed purpose was to enjoy 
 some sport for which the region was celebrated. At
 
 152 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 Alexandretta is a snipe marsh eight miles long. Thence 
 we moved over to Ayas Bay, on the opposite shore, and 
 anchored at the mouth of a small river ; here were 
 wild swan, duck, teal, woodcock, bustard, snipe, francolin, 
 wild boar and deer. It blew a Norther for two days, 
 during which we were unable to land ; when we did 
 so, the woodcock had arrived in hundreds, every bush 
 turned out a dozen or more tired and easy, shooting. 
 In one locality a flock of flamingos had taken up their 
 quarters, hundreds of them, and to see them rise in a 
 flock was a fine sight. 
 
 While shooting I met a party of horsemen, a rare 
 event, as the surrounding country was deserted. They 
 were hawking, and each man had a bird on his wrist. 
 One of them made signs that he would like to look at my 
 gun, but I was not taking any, and shortly after that they 
 rode off. I had my marine with me, and he had a gun 
 too, so that we were quite a match for them. It does 
 not do to trust the wily native, and a recent incident 
 had put me on my guard. An officer, shooting alone, 
 had indulged in a midday nap, leaning his gun against a 
 tree. When he awoke, a native had the gun, and on 
 his attempting to recover it the man aimed at him. He 
 did not get his gun, and returned a sadder and wiser man. 
 
 The above, coupled with what might have been a 
 serious affair for me, made me take a companion always. 
 The affair I allude to was as follows : I shot a duck, and 
 advanced to pick it up ; in a moment I was up to my 
 waist in a quicksand. I threw myself back, and with a 
 frantic effort managed to squirm out, but I never got 
 that duck. Some years afterwards a Lieutenant went 
 out alone in these parts and never returned ; I have 
 no doubt as to what his fate was. 
 
 Then there was the affair at Artaki, in the Marmora. 
 Two Commanders, Selby and Grenfell, were out shooting, 
 and were annoyed by dogs. Selby incautiously shot one. 
 The natives, who set great store by these animals, turned 
 out in great force and mobbed them. Against the advice 
 of Grenfell, Selby gave up his gun to one of the men in 
 order to show that their intentions were peaceable, where- 
 upon the man killed him. Grenfell promptly shot this 
 man, and at this moment the boat's crew arrived on the 
 scene, having been attracted by the disturbance. Thus 
 reinforced, Grenfell fought his way back to the boat. The 
 Turks eventually executed two of these men for being
 
 THE COXDOR 153 
 
 accessories ; probably they were not there at all ; but it 
 was done as ' save face,' and we had to be satisfied. 
 Oh no, never trust a native until you know him and 
 he knows you. 
 
 Although the plains at Ayas were deserted, there must 
 once have been considerable civilization, for we often 
 came across blocks of marble and piles of stones, some- 
 times with inscriptions cut on them. After a successful 
 shikar, we returned to Alexandretta and found an Italian 
 Sloop, the Cariddi, enjoying our snipe marsh. The Com- 
 mander, a Prince Thomas and cousin of the King of 
 Italy, was one of the best shots I ever met. 
 
 While on the coast of Syria we shipped a Dragoman 
 to act as Interpreter and useful man. This man, Jose, 
 had acted in this capacity in several ships, and there may 
 still be N.O.'s who remember the old one-eyed rascal. 
 His solitary optic was a very capable one, and generally 
 twinkled with humour. He had all the lore of the country 
 at his finger's ends, and indicated to me with great 
 exactitude the spot where the whale evacuated Jonah after 
 his remarkable submarine trip. 
 
 About the end of April we had a surprise visit from 
 the new C.-in-C., Sir Beauchamp Seymour, afterwards 
 Lord Alcester, who was making a tour of the station in 
 the dispatch-vessel Salamis. On his departure he gave 
 us orders to return to Malta, calling at Limasol, and we 
 arrived at the former place in May, 1880. Limasol was 
 already showing great improvement since the British had 
 taken over the island of Cyprus from the Turks. Order 
 had been restored and law established. A great number 
 of antiques had been unearthed vases, lamps and bowls. 
 I have a beautiful lamp that comes from Larnaca, and 
 a mortuary vase from Athens that I procured from the 
 Acropolis, where they were being found in great 
 profusion. 
 
 At Malta we found the new Admiral had returned, 
 and he gave out that he had heard that the station had 
 earned a good reputation for smartness at drill and that 
 he meant to test it. Accordingly the fleet had many 
 heavy evolutions to carry out which seemed to satisfy 
 him. The most strenuous was ' Prepare for Action 
 Aloft.' One ship, the Achilles, was amazingly good ; her 
 time was generally under three minutes. All sails 
 had to be unbent, studding-sail booms sent on deck, top- 
 gallant-masts and yards sent down, and yards braced
 
 154 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 up ; the big ships housed bowsprits, and sent down the 
 crossjack-yard as well. Having a ram in the Condor, we 
 had to top up the bowsprit, which gave us a perky 
 appearance. The Commander of the Achilles was 
 ,W. H. Molyneux, who was first of the Sirius, previously 
 mentioned. He died early in his career, which was one 
 of great promise. He once bet me that the Achilles 
 would beat us at ' Action Aloft ' ; the stake was a bottle 
 of champagne, and I had it on board his ship the follow- 
 ing day. Being a small ship, the odds were rather in 
 our favour. Another ship, the Swiftsure, was paramount 
 as regards precision. She was always in the front rank, 
 and all evolutions were performed with clockwork 
 regularity, an excellent example of method, and a real 
 treat to watch. 
 
 The Governor gave a fancy-dress ball at the Palace, 
 and the Admiral and General followed suit. The gunners 
 had a fine mess at the Auberge Castille ; but our par- 
 ticular friends were the Lincolns (the old tenth), at 
 Ricasoli, a most hospitable lot. There was a great deal 
 of dining out on board the ships, and on such occasions 
 I generally took my guitar. It does one good to recall 
 those days, and the merry evenings we participated in, 
 for there was quite a lot of musical talent in the fleet. 
 
 The gunrooms shared in the entertainments. The 
 duty-officer on one of the Ironclads was surprised one 
 evening by the signalman reporting that the General 
 commanding the troops was approaching in the garrison 
 boat. The Captain came on deck to receive him ; they 
 waited expectantly, and the General came over the side. 
 After a short conversation he explained to the mystified 
 Captain that he had come to dine in the gunroom with 
 one of the midshipmen. The youngster was sent for, 
 and the Captain (who was one of the best) contrived 
 to tell him that if he wanted anything his steward would 
 supply it. However, the youth assured him (and from 
 what I remember of him I do not doubt it) that he 
 would be quite well fixed. The General was heard to 
 say, on leaving, that he had had quite the time of his 
 life. He was an extremely kind-hearted man, and no 
 doubt extracted a good deal of amusement from the boys. 
 I don't know which to admire the most, the General for 
 his good nature or the lad for his cheek. 
 
 Some weeks of this, and a general exodus took place. 
 One squadron, with the Admiral, went off to Naples
 
 THE CONDOR 155 
 
 and the other to Venice ; we went with the former, 
 passed Syracuse, Etna and Messina, avoided Scylla and 
 Charybdis, and anchored off Palermo. Thence we were 
 detached to Naples, passing Stromboli by night, when 
 it represented the appearance of a freshly lighted pastille. 
 So much is known of Naples that it would be superfluous 
 for me to try to add to it. It is a fascinating neighbour- 
 hood, and would be much better if it were not for the 
 Lazzaroni, although they are a cheerful, musical crowd 
 of unwashed rogues, many, of them very expert on the 
 guitar. I became quite popular when it was discovered 
 that I was familiar with it also and could sing ' Santa 
 Lucia/ and they were hugely delighted with some of 
 our English ditties. 
 
 .We took first-class returns to Pompeii it sounded so 
 prosaic. We saw the spot where the Roman 'Sentry 
 added an unknown name to the list of those who preferred 
 death to dishonour, visited the Forum 1 and other places 
 of well-known repute, and concluded by inspecting the 
 Museum, to which no women are admitted by reason 
 of the pornographic nature of the exhibits. The 
 excavators were still at work, and we saw paintings being 
 uncovered that were as fresh as the day they were done. 
 Having read Bulwer Lytton, I noted that the streets 
 still show deep scores caused by the chariot wheels. 
 Evidently the Town Council was reluctant to increase 
 the burden of the tax-payers in those happy days. I 
 wish some of them would re -incarnate in ours. But what 
 struck me was the fact that, owing to the narrowness 
 of the streets, no two chariots could pass ; this the ruts 
 plainly indicated. They must therefore have continually 
 circulated in a given direction, and the Pompeian police- 
 man must have had to see to it that, like poor Joe, they 
 kept moving on. One can imagine the haughty Patrician 
 Lady having to dash on board as her chariot glided 
 past. 
 
 Capri we found quite up to the guide-book, and the 
 waters as blue as they were said to be. Thanks to Ray 
 Lankester, we now know that it is the real and proper 
 colour. By the by, Ray Lankester is among the names 
 of eminent Paulines. 
 
 We lay in the Bay, of Naples for some days, and 
 enjoyed the bright days and gorgeous nights over which 
 Vesuvius brooded in the background, looking like 
 another pastille.
 
 156 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 Then over to Bastia, a place of intense interest to 
 Britons, for near here, at Calvi, Nelson lost his eye. iWhat 
 would he have said at Copenhagen if he had not? Here 
 we found a different human atmosphere, for the Corsican 
 is not like his neighbour the Neapolitan. Thence we went 
 to Civita Vecchia, whence some went to Rome, my trial 
 being to ship-keep in the Captain's absence. When they 
 returned we left for Genoa. \Ve found it a dirty and 
 rather smelly place, chiefly memorable for an excellent 
 dinner (wine compris} for three francs. Possibly the 
 wine was not all we believed it to be. 
 
 The rest of bur squadron joined us there. iWhile 
 swinging to our anchor we bumped our rudder on the 
 mole, and when it was reported the Admiral sent two 
 divers from the flagship to ascertain if any damage had 
 been done. Divers on service wear a red cap, and while 
 doing so get extra pay at the rate of eighteen pence an 
 hour ; the cap is to take off the strain of the helmet. 
 These men reported that we had lost several sheets of 
 copper, and were supplied with some new ones to make 
 good. The operation took some time, and when we 
 reported finished, the Admiral made a signal to hoist the 
 rudder on board, at the same time ordering the mid- 
 shipmen of the fleet to attend and see it done. 
 
 I don't know whether he issued this order for such 
 an unusual job for instructional purposes only or whether 
 he ' smelt a rat ' ; if the latter, events proved him to be 
 right, for when we hoisted it in we; found that there 
 was not a scratch on it, or a single sheet of new copper. 
 The ca' -canny divers had quietly dropped the sheets of 
 copper to the bottom, and after allowing a certain time 
 to elapse had come up and reported finished. These 
 men suffered by being disrated from petty officers 
 to able seamen, a punishment richly deserved. It was 
 often suspected that this sort of thing prevailed, and 
 that the divers even went to sleep, but this time they] 
 calculated without the Admiral. Unshipping the rudder 
 was somewhat of a job, but it was child's play compared 
 to shipping it. Have you ever tried to ship a boat's 
 rudder when there is a lot of sea on? 
 
 From Genoa we went to Villefranche. Nice is 
 close by, and Monte Carlo within easy distance, both 
 offering inducements of varying character. 
 
 .We returned to Malta and learnt that we were to 
 pay-off and recommission, the new crew coming out in
 
 THE CO.VDOT? 157 
 
 the Tamar, so it was a case of dig out and get ready 
 for the new lot. We had not much time, but the arrival 
 of the Trooper found the Condor in Bighi Bay thoroughly 
 refitted and ready for the sea. The new crew had only 
 to go on board and light the fires. 
 
 On the 2oth .of August, 1880, we hauled down the 
 pendant, and the ship was recommissioned for another 
 period of service, during which, under Lord Charles 
 Beresford, she won great renown at the bombardment 
 of Alexandria. 
 
 With the old crew I went on board the Tamar, and 
 reached home about the middle of September. Thus 
 terminated one of the most interesting and instructive 
 commissions that ever fell to my, lot. One often regrets 
 lost opportunities of not seeing more, but duty is 
 duty, and the shoemaker must stick to. his last. Just 
 before sailing I received a most complimentary letter 
 from Sir Beauchamp Seymour, an extract from which 
 stands at the head of this chapter. 
 
 The ship had won a good name on the station, and I 
 was one day surprised by a visit from Captain (afterwards 
 Admiral Sir Algernon) Fieschi Heneage. He said, " I 
 have been told that I must not leave the station without 
 seeing the Condor" I took him round the ship, and 
 when he left he remarked to me, " She is in every way 
 worthy to belong to the Mediterranean Fleet." All those 
 who can remember ' Pompo ' will appreciate this remark 
 of his, and imagine how he would say it.
 
 CHAPTER XII 
 THE SERAPIS 
 
 Heaven's light our guide. 
 
 I HAD now to face another period of half -pay at first as a 
 welcome relaxation. If a gay time had been my only 
 aspiration I should have gained it. In particular, at the 
 house of a well-known .Q.C. (prominent in the divorce 
 court) I met literary and artistic people, actors and 
 actresses from stars of the first to the sixth magnitude. 
 It was the time of Nelly Farren, Violet Cameron, Sylvia 
 Grey, Letty Lind and Fred Leslie. 
 
 Three or four months of this, and, just as I was 
 beginning to feel like a returned empty, an unusual piece 
 of work for an N.O. came my way. A friend of mine 
 who was running a theatrical company offered me a part. 
 He had seen me in private theatricals, and apparently 
 considered me able to hold my own on the professional 
 stage. The part was in musical comedy. My ability to 
 read music was small, but I had a good ear. There was 
 not much hesitation on my side. I memorized my songs, 
 went through a rehearsal or two, and embarked on a 
 new career in which, however, I had no intention of re- 
 maining. For two months I led a nomadic existence, 
 and performed at several second-rate towns ; only, once in 
 London at the Dilettante, an art club (long defunct), on 
 the site of which now stands the Palladium. 
 
 It was an amusing experience, but I quitted it without 
 regret, except at leaving some very pleasant companions 
 with whom one was at once on friendly terms. I don't 
 think they knew or cared who I was. They called me 
 by my Christian name at once ; my surname was an 
 assumed one. We lived in lodgings, and the ladies did 
 the catering ; but the life is a long way from' being 
 ideal. ; 
 
 158
 
 THE SERAPIS 159 
 
 During this time an offer was made me, through a 
 mutual friend, to go as First-Lieutenant in the Doterel ; 
 but as she was only a sloop and not much bigger than 
 the Condor, I refused it, being ambitious of something 
 better. It turned out to be a lucky decision, for the 
 unfortunate ship blew up at Puntas Arenas in the Straits 
 of Magellan, and out of a crew of 176 only about 20 
 survived. 
 
 One day, while walking down Regent Street, Admiral 
 Sir Vesey Hamilton (at that time one of the Sea Lords) 
 stopped me and said, " What's this I hear about you going 
 on the Stage? " I assured him that it was only to put 
 in the time while I was waiting for a ship. He looked 
 at me very keenly and replied that he did not approve 
 of it at all. A few days afterwards my appointment to ,the 
 Serapis appeared. 
 
 The Serapis was one of the five great white Troopers. 
 They were sister ships, and were distinguished by a broad 
 coloured band. The Serapis had a green one, Euphrates 
 blue, Jumna red, Crocodile yellow, and Malabar black. 
 \Vhen built, they were well suited for the work, but when 
 I joined on March 14, 1881, they were getting out of 
 date. They were handsome craft, barque rigged, with 
 heavy masts and yards. The topsails were Cunningham's 
 patent reefing, somewhat on the plan of a window blind. 
 The idea was a good one, and answered well in light 
 winds ; I never saw it used in heavy weather. 
 
 The internal fittings had become obsolete ; the only 
 people comfortably accommodated were the naval officers 
 and crew. The former had their cabins on the star- 
 board side of a big saloon, which occupied the whole of 
 the after-part of the deck from the mizen mast to the 
 stern. On the port side were the ladies' cabin and nursery, 
 with cabins for the Commanding Officer of troops. The 
 crew was berthed under the forecastle, and their quarters 
 were good. We mustered 300 officers and men. 
 
 On the deck below, under the saloon, were the military 
 officers' cabins and another ladies' cabin known as the 
 ' Dove Cot.' Married officers, accompanied by their 
 wives, generally had a cabin to themselves. On this deck, 
 forward of the cabins, was the troopdeck, which could 
 accommodate 1,500 men, and more on a pinch. For- 
 ward of this were quarters for soldiers' wives and children, 
 a hospital and guardroom. 
 
 Aft, on the deck below again, were quarters for junior
 
 160 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 officers, known as ' Pandemonium ' ; forward of this were 
 the engine-room, stokehold, bunkers, and ship's stores. 
 Our best speed was a little over 14 knots, not bad for 
 the times. We had only a single screw of four blades, 
 and during one voyage we shed three of them, being 
 finally towed into Suez by the Jumna ; thence the 
 Temeraire towed us to Malta. 
 
 There was much to be said against the system, and 
 very little for it. The five Troopers locked up 1,500 
 officers and men of the Royal Navy who could have been 
 employed advantageously elsewhere. 
 
 The military officers were certainly saved a lot of 
 trouble. An officer coming to Bombay, many hundreds 
 of miles from up country, was relieved of all responsi- 
 bility on arrival on board. The task of billeting the men 
 was performed by the naval people, and the military 
 officer could go and tub, eat and drink at his leisure. 
 
 The fact of the ship being a Queen's ship with a 
 well-disciplined crew was an advantage, and such a 
 condition reduced the chance of accident to a minimum. 
 During the period that the system lasted not one vessel 
 was lost. With the military officers to control and take 
 charge of their men, the dangers of fire and collision were 
 considerably modified, and it left the naval people free 
 to deal with matters to which they had been trained 
 and were always prepared for. 
 
 The internal arrangements were obsolete and in- 
 sufficient no smoking-room or lounge. The Serapis, 
 having taken King Edward (when Prince of Wales) to 
 India, had been fitted with a deck-house, and it had 
 been allowed to remain. It was an easy life for the 
 naval people. Two or three trips during the season, which 
 lasted from the autumn to the following spring. We 
 then laid up for the summer, and got plenty of leave. 
 
 When I joined, in March, 1881, the ship was starting 
 on her last trip of the season. We left the same after- 
 noon. It was a novel experience for me, and, as I found 
 myself Second-Lieutenant, my sole duties were those of 
 a watch -keeping officer at sea ; there were three more to 
 share them. Each trip was very like another, so that if 
 one is outlined it will suffice. 
 
 Starting from Portsmouth, we touched at Malta, passed 
 through the Suez Canal, and reached Bombay. Ten days 
 after we reversed the route. Once we went to Queenstown 
 and embarked 1,000 Irish recruits ; how frightfully sea-
 
 THE SERAPIS 161 
 
 sick they were! Once we went out via the Cape, and on 
 another occasion we came home that way, calling at Port 
 Elizabeth en route. It was the monotony of the trips 
 that wearied me of the life. During my time we crossed 
 the much-dreaded Bay of Biscay over twenty times and 
 never once encountered a gale. It will be realized that 
 we experienced several changes of climate. 
 
 The social side was very pleasant. Among so many 
 soldiers and their wives there were many charming people, 
 and friendships were commenced, some of which have 
 lasted to the present day. In the deck-house we had 
 a piano that used to be brought out in the evenings, and 
 we danced and sang. Singsongs for the men generally 
 produced some talent, and at Bombay we parted with 
 mutual regret. I don't think I ever played more whist in 
 my life than when on board this ship. Sometimes a 
 desire for it seizes me again, but it appears to be dead. 
 How is it that ladies could not be induced to play it? 
 Yet they sit down with the utmost confidence to Bridge, 
 which is a much more complicated game. 
 
 My first inquiry was what sort of a man Captain 
 Guy O. Twiss was. None of my messmates seemed to 
 know much about him, and he was described as a shy 
 and reserved man. I soon found out that he only wanted 
 to be talked to, and before very long we found out his 
 true value. He was a quiet man with a great sense of 
 humour one of the class that wrinkles up their eyes 
 when they smile and we all got quite attached to him. 
 A tall, good-looking man, and well dressed, he carried an 
 air of dignity, consistently considerate and genial ; he was 
 just the man for a Trooper. 
 
 Twiss once got a great shock. Passing one of the 
 
 cabins, he noticed a lady standing with her arms behind 
 
 her back. He stopped, and in his most suave manner 
 
 inquired whether he could be of any service to her. 
 
 4 Yes," she replied, flourishing a bottle of stout in his face. 
 
 ' The steward won't give me a corkscrew." The 
 
 steward was justified, for the poor thing was being sent 
 home as a dipsomaniac. 
 
 There was a certain amount of state observed at 
 table. The Colonel in Command of troops sat opposite 
 the Captain, the senior lady on the Captain's right, and 
 the next on his left, the next two, in order of seniority, by 
 the Colonel. The others were free to take up the billets 
 they preferred. Most of us made up little parties, 
 
 11
 
 162 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 especially if there were some who had travelled with us 
 before. Two ladies once .contended as to who should sit 
 on the Captain's right ; finally it was referred to him. 
 With great gravity he announced that it was to be the 
 oldest of the two. This knotty point was settled between 
 them. We parted with Captain Guy Ouchterlony Twiss 
 on the following year with deep regret, and entertained 
 him at a farewell dinner. 
 
 His successor did not remain very long. On a return 
 voyage we grounded on the Shambles off Portland, and 
 the ship was on shore for about twenty minutes. The 
 Captain and Navigating Officer were superseded for this. 
 
 Captain Archibald Lucius Douglas succeeded, and we 
 soon discovered that his personality was on the same lines 
 as Captain Twiss. He was of a suave nature, and some- 
 what impulsive, as the following anecdote may illustrate : 
 
 Approaching Suez, while I was sitting on the poop, 
 he ran up to me and said, " Fleet, a child has fallen over- 
 board ; go after him." In obedience to command I ran 
 aft and jumped over the poop-rail, a drop of about 
 25 feet. On coming to the surface my first thought 
 was that I had an easy job, as a child would not hamper 
 me very much. However, not a sign of the child was 
 visible. I swam about, and saw a boat coming from the 
 ship. On arrival it brought the intelligence that there 
 had been a mistake, and we started back for the ship, 
 where I received an embarrassing ovation from the people 
 who lined the side, still further accentuated when I arrived 
 on board by the greetings of a grateful mother whose 
 child had not fallen overboard. It appeared that the 
 nurse had missed him, and had rushed off to the mother 
 and said that he had fallen overboard. The mother was 
 talking to the Captain at the time, hence the above. After 
 I had jumped overboard the child was discovered playing 
 in a part of the ship where he had no business to be. So 
 all was well, except the net result to me, which was one 
 suit of clothes and a watch ruined, as much champagne 
 as was good for me during the rest of the trip, and a 
 Royal Humane Society's Certificate for attempting to save 
 life, which I got through the gratitude of the boy's father, 
 Colonel Sir Reginald Hart, V.C. 
 
 It was very hard to avoid the numerous drinks that 
 our kind friends wished us to take with them on dis- 
 embarkation. At last I hit on a scheme, and instructed 
 the barman to give me a plain soda when I asked for a
 
 THE SEE APIS 163 
 
 gin and soda, which was a common drink. Of course, 
 the gin being colourless, nobody could detect the fraud, 
 and we pledged with mutual satisfaction. It answered 
 capitally, and I was able to avoid getting muzzy. I think 
 the bar was the most up-to-date institution on board ; the 
 wine and spirits were out of bond, and so the drinks 
 were extraordinarily cheap. The troops were allowed a 
 ration of porter while embarked. It was very good, and 
 a lot used to be left over, owing to the men who were 
 seasick refusing it. On such occasions the surplus had 
 to be started overboard ; there was nothing else to be 
 done, although it was shocking waste, and was only re- 
 sorted to after several cases of drunkenness had occurred 
 among the men who were better sailors. 
 
 When the drafts were on board and about to be told 
 off for the various duties, the old soldiers, who had made 
 a trip before, were always anxious to be made ' Swabbers ' 
 (that is, men who assisted in keeping the deck dry). It 
 was some time before I discovered the reason for this, 
 which was that such men were the only troops who were 
 allowed in the bluejacket's quarters, where they got a 
 smoke and a snooze in comparative comfort, and an 
 occasional tot of rum as issued in the Navy. 
 
 The passage of the canal was a very different affair 
 to what it is now, for it had not been broadened, so ships 
 had to tie up to allow others to pass. Sometimes a block 
 occurred, and a delay of two or three days took place. 
 Now, with the electric lights lighting up the waterway, 
 the trip is often completed in a day, for it is only eighty- 
 six miles, including Lake Timsah, where speed can be 
 increased. 
 
 It was not until some time after my joining that we 
 were fitted with steam-steering gear, and' going through the 
 canal we had to put as many men as could be accom- 
 modated on the hand wheel. These men were kept hard 
 at it until they were a mass of perspiration, and had to be 
 relieved constantly. What a difference the steam-wheel 
 made. We were also fitted with a syren at the same 
 time ; it was a grand toy at first. I had to show a 
 German Princelet round the ship at Portsmouth, and the 
 syren was the only thing he took any interest in. When 
 it was sounded he exclaimed, " Mein GottI it ees varee 
 goot," and we had to give several encores. 
 
 With the numbers of men available the work of tying 
 up was very easy, and our steamboat was always kept
 
 164 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 just clear of the water, ready for business. An indignant 
 lady boarded me one morning with a complaint that none 
 of the ladies in the ' Dove Cot ' had been able to get up, 
 because a boat full of sailors had been just level with the 
 port -holes. Of course, I apologized and expressed my 
 regret (which indeed! I felt), and promised that it should 
 not occur again. But the indignant lady said, " But that 
 is not all." With increasing trepidation I inquired what 
 else had happened. " Why," she replied, " they sang 
 ' Come where my love lies dreaming.' ' 
 
 The ' Dove Cot ' and the Ladies' Cabin were not 
 good arrangements ; about twelve were accommodated 
 in the former and rather more in the latter, and the latter 
 often had children with them. The children were a cause 
 of great anxiety at times. For safety they were supposed 
 to be confined to a particular part of the ship, but anyone 
 who knows children must be aware what a difficult proposi- 
 tion that would be. Going through the canal with 
 hawsers being manned and capstans beingf worked was 
 sometimes a terrifying experience, and the only alternative 
 was to shut them up down below. 
 
 The troops were very useful, especially when it came 
 to making sail. You put a party on a rope and told them 
 to run away with it, and they did it with' great 'glee; 
 sometimes they succeeded in ' breaking ' it, and then they 
 were delighted. We embarked the Highland Light 
 Infantry at Alexandria for passage home. It had been so 
 often in troopships that the men knew all the different calls 
 on the Boatswain's pipe. They were a splendid lot. Just 
 through a term of Indian service, they had been dis- 
 embarked for the Egyptian War, and had taken part in 
 the battle of Tel-el-Kebir with great credit. Eighteen 
 months after we took them out to Bombay ; nearly all the 
 old soldiers were gone, and they presented quite a different 
 appearance, but a little stay in the East would soon 
 rectify that. 
 
 It was always better business to carry a regiment than 
 drafts. The men and officers knew each' other in the 
 former case, whereas it was quite understandable that with 
 drafts Captain Jinks of the ' King's Own Tigers * would 
 naturally not take much interest in Private Ullage of 
 the ' Royal Fallbacks.' The best men were the Cavalry 
 and Artillery. Possibly contact with horses and the in- 
 creased amount of work accounts for this. I was 
 particularly struck with the I3th Hussars that we carried
 
 THE SERAPIS 165 
 
 from Bombay to Port Elizabeth ; it was a grand regiment. 
 The Colonel was Sir Baker Russell, a tall soldierly man, 
 and the complete cavalry man in appearance, behaviour 
 and speech. One of the subalterns was Baden-Powell, 
 founder of the Scouts, the finest institution ever created 
 for boys. He was a cheery soul (as I believe he still is), 
 and of a most agreeable personality. 
 
 I am afraid that the bluejacket's ideas of meum and 
 tuum were somewhat lax, and the soldiers had to look 
 after their kits very closely, for they possessed many 
 articles that were useful to all men ; but what could the 
 poor fellows do when they were down with seasickness 
 and feeling as if they would like to be thrown overboard? 
 An extra blanket was issued to each man for the voyage ; 
 but somehow, when the quartermaster-sergeant called them 
 in, there was always a shortage. They shrank mysteriously 
 in the hot weather when they were not used, and, of course, 
 not missed, and somehow our own men always had more 
 than the regulation number. The unfortunate part of the 
 business was that the troops had to pay for the missing 
 ones. At one of the musters I saw a sergeant do a very 
 smart thing ; the blankets were laid out in bundles, and 
 whenever he was short he doubled up a corresponding 
 number, and as only the end of the blankets were counted, 
 he completely wiped the eye of the surveying officer, and 
 there were no charges in that regiment. 
 
 When the i3th was on board, the Colonel asked the 
 Captain whether he objected to the band playing on 
 Sunday. Captain Twiss said, " Certainly not," but he 
 thought that in order to avoid hurting the feelings of any 
 ultra-religious people the programme should be a sacred 
 one. The Colonel agreed, and the band played Handel's 
 Largo, after which we were treated to Offenbach, Rossini, 
 and Waldteufel, the fact being that Baker Russell had 
 discovered that Twiss had no ear for music, and did not 
 know one air from another ; but it was very hard to keep 
 one's gravity. 
 
 Among other regiments, we carried the old ' Rough 
 and Toughs ' (formerly the iO3rd) and the Leicester 
 (formerly the I7th), a fine specimen of a good British 
 Regiment. We brought the latter back from India, and 
 as it was stationed at Portsmouth, I got to know the 
 4 Tigers * very well, and renewed my acquaintance with 
 them in after-years at Halifax and Barbadoes. Shortly 
 after the battle of Tel-el-Kebir we embarked the Buffs
 
 166 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 (late 3rd) and the Dorsets (late 39th) for Alexandria. 
 Both of them were at war strength, and with our own 
 crew we had 2,400 men on board. When the regiments 
 paraded four deep, they reached right round the upper 
 deck. On arrival at Malta orders were received to dis- 
 embark them for passage back to England. The Sera pis 
 went on to Alexandria, and there we embarked the 2ist 
 Punjabis and the 2nd Baluchis for Bombay. They were 
 both fine specimens of their different race, and it was 
 very interesting to note the respect and esteem the men 
 had for their officers. The Punjabis, as a Highland 
 Regiment, had pipers, and the Baluchis a brass band. 
 They did not mix M any way, but kept strictly to them- 
 selves. Great preparations had to be made for their 
 cooking, and we shipped stores of Dal, Bhang, and Ghee, 
 and every precaution had to be taken during the cooking 
 that no shadow of a white man defiled it. The Baluchis 
 were the darker men, and wore their hair uncut and 
 coiled up under their turbans. The bluejackets called 
 these men the black regiment, and the others the brown 
 regiment, and got on very well with them, especially 
 the latter, who were much given to skylarking at times. 
 
 As it was war-time, the rules of the canal had been 
 abrogated, and the French pilot's services dispensed with, 
 much to their chagrin. We took advantage of the state 
 of affairs, and made a moonlight trip through the canal, 
 thus justifying the motto of the Service which I have 
 placed at the head of this chapter. But the French were 
 very tenacious of their rights, and not over pleased with 
 our financial control of the canal, which we owed to the 
 foresight and statesmanship of Disraeli. 
 
 When returning home on this trip, we embarked at 
 Malta an unusual passenger in the shape of an American 
 naval officer, who had been left behind by one of their 
 ships in hospital. He was a very agreeable man, and we 
 had long talks together. Crossing the Bay of Biscay 
 the weather was very thick, and we did not get observa- 
 tions for three or four days ; consequently our position 
 could not be relied upon with too much certainty. We 
 were, however, proceeding at a high rate of speed, and 
 expecting to make Ushant Light at midnight. The 
 Navigating Officer had great confidence in his calculations, 
 which we all shared. I was on the bridge with the others 
 on duty ; suddenly we were joined by our passenger, to 
 whom, being a brother chip, we had given the freedom
 
 THE SERAPIS 167 
 
 of the ship, and he frankly admitted that he was not 
 going to turn in until we had raised the light. Almost 
 to the estimated minute the lookout man on the star- 
 board bow reported a light, and yet we on the bridge did 
 not see it even with our glasses for another ten minutes. 
 It was an extraordinary instance of the keen sight that 
 some of these men are endowed with, for purposely we 
 had not warned him to look out for any particular object. 
 But there it was, and then our passenger expressed himself 
 as satisfied, and with a word of praise for the lookout, 
 went below to turn in. He was Commander Dewey, who 
 afterwards, as Admiral, won great fame at Manila. 
 
 We always enjoyed our stay at Bombay, where we 
 were made honorary members of the clubs, of which the 
 well-known Bycullah was one. It was a capital place to 
 spend a quiet Sunday afternoon. My eldest brother was 
 then stationed at Belgaum, and he used to come in and 
 meet me, and together we went to the nearest hill station 
 of Materan. 
 
 In the year 1883 an appalling catastrophe took place 
 at Krakatoa, an island in the Straits of Sunda. It is 
 volcanic, and suddenly awoke to activity, annihilating 
 30,000 people. The explosions were heard hundreds of 
 miles off. For the following two years most extraordinary 
 sunsets prevailed right round the world in the latitudinal 
 region of the disaster. They were caused by dust clouds 
 that circulated round the -world until finally dissipated, and 
 were extremely gorgeous at Bombay. The heavens glowed 
 with all shades of red and gold, and the spectacle lasted 
 until darkness set in. The superstitious natives were very 
 alarmed, and flocked out of the city to the Bund, where 
 they worshipped and implored mercy for their sins. 
 
 I have mentioned that we lost three blades of our 
 screw and had to be towed to Malta, where we remained 
 in dock until a new one had been fitted. At this time 
 occurred an affair of which I am not particularly proud, 
 but it is given as an instance of British toleration toward 
 a subject people. A party of us went to the Theatre 
 Manoel, and engaged a box, and being rather festively 
 inclined, were somewhat boisterous ; it was merely the 
 ebullition of high (not distilled) spirits. We were rather 
 neglectful of the performance and the audience. The 
 latter resented this, and began to hiss and make the 
 peculiar noises that the excited Maltese indulge in. 
 Finally the performance was stopped, the manager visited
 
 168 
 
 us and an armistice was called, after which the piece was 
 resumed, and we assumed that the incident was closed. 
 Most of the party left, until there was only myself and 
 another. At the conclusion we found a threatening crowd 
 waiting outside for us, but we were instantly surrounded 
 by a bunch of Maltese policemen, who urged us to accept 
 their protection. After a parley, during which we said that 
 if the crowd wanted a scrap it could be accommodated, 
 prudence prevailed ; we yielded, and marched off for the 
 Club in Strada Reale, escorted by the crowd. We passed 
 the police station, and the officer in charge suggested that 
 we should go in until the mob had dispersed. We con- 
 sented, and this time we were fairly had, for we were 
 informed that we were prisoners. It was so wily that, 
 although very irritated, we could not help being amused. 
 Here we were detained until bailed out by that good old 
 man (who many must still remember) Maritsch, the cigar 
 importer. Next morning we appeared before a Maltese 
 Beak, and were fined three guineas each. The trial was 
 conducted in Maltese, and all we knew of it was through 
 an interpreter. My companion, in his ignorance of eti- 
 quette, put his hat on before the judge had left the chair, 
 and was very nearly fined again for contempt of court. 
 The whole affair was a glaring instance of Maltese craft. 
 What the Admiral thought of it may be judged from the 
 comment he made, namely, that " He was glad to know 
 that there were still a few lads of spirit," and he asked me 
 to dinner the next time we passed through. 
 
 I cannot resist mentioning an interesting phenomenon 
 of the Arabian Sea that is experienced at times while on 
 the voyage between Aden and Bombay. The sea assumes 
 a milky appearance, and any dark object floating in it 
 becomes very conspicuous. The above is the result of 
 myriads of animalcule, and presumably occurs during the 
 spawning season. The presence of a dark body was very 
 much exemplified when we passed close to a dead whale, 
 that also advertised itself by an odour that would be 
 an easy winner in any stink competition. I have only 
 met with two others at all in the running ; one was a dead 
 camel and the other seven thousand dead Egyptians of 
 Baker Pasha's force, who were routed and killed at 
 Trinkitat, but then it was distributed over a considerable 
 area, as they were slaughtered during their flight. 
 
 Baker's catastrophe occurred in February, 1884. TKe 
 Serapis was then on her way home from Bombay with
 
 THE SERAPIS 169 
 
 the York and Lancaster Regiment (late 65th) on board, 
 and off Trinkitat we were stopped by a cruiser and sent 
 in. We found a small army there, among others the 
 Black Watch, the 6oth Rifles, Marines and Naval 
 Brigade ; for cavalry, the well-known loth Hussars ; so 
 the 65th was a welcome addition with its seasoned soldiers. 
 
 Two days after, on the 2/th of February, 1884, the 
 whole force, under General Sir Gerald Graham, moved 
 out and fought the battle of El Teb. Several of us got 
 permission to accompany the force, which marched in a 
 square formation ; but we had to leave it and remain 
 in a fort three miles out, whence we had a good view of 
 the ensuing battle. The Sphinx, lying in the harbour, 
 opened the ball with shrapnel, but the range got too 
 great. It was a stirring sight, and a charge by the loth 
 Hussars (in which several were killed) afforded an 
 uncommon spectacle. In this affair the tribesmen laid 
 down and tried to spear the horses as they galloped 
 over them ; if they succeeded the rider stood but a poor 
 chance. 
 
 The enemy used round shot, and it was very curious 
 to see them rebound off the hard desert like cricket balls. 
 They fought most determinedly. Eventually they were 
 driven off with' a loss of 1,500 killed. Our own casualties 
 amounted to about 120. 
 
 It was in this battle that Sir Arthur Knyvet Wilson, 
 Bart., and Admiral of the Fleet, won the V.C. He was 
 at the time Captain of the Hecla. The Lieutenant of the 
 left gun section of the Naval Brigade had been mortally 
 wounded, and Wilson took his place, fighting several of 
 the Arabs single handed. His sword broke, but he con- 
 tinued to attack them with' the broken portion until some 
 men came to his rescue. It was a splendid deed, and 
 characteristic of this resolute man. I had seen him in 
 the morning marching out to join the square, attended 
 by his coxswain, and had been impressed by his business- 
 like look. 
 
 The army now moved to Suakim and fought the battle 
 of Tamai, which resulted in another defeat for the Arabs. 
 Thus ended this short but bloody campaign very satis- 
 factorily for us. It is worthy of remark that of six 
 Lieutenants in the Naval Brigade five were killed. 
 
 This was the last event of any importance that occurred 
 during my service in the Serapis. In June, 1882, I had 
 succeeded the First-Lieutenant, Count Frederick Metaxa,
 
 170 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 who had taken up another appointment, so that in the 
 same month of 1885, at which we have arrived, my relief 
 would be appointed. It happened on June 3Oth, and I 
 bade farewell to my Captain and messmates, trusting to 
 meet most of them in the future, for we had been on the 
 best of terms, and in spite of the monotony of the Service, 
 it had been a pleasant experience on the whole. I used 
 jokingly to tell my friends among the passengers that I 
 was only a first-mate, and the term was consequently 
 adopted by many of them, being shortened to ' The Mate.' 
 As I have stated elsewhere, the military were always most 
 easy to get on with, and with a little tact, and Nelson's 
 blind -eye occasionally with regard to regulations, one's 
 endeavours to ameliorate their lot were usually crowned 
 with success. I invariably found that the military officer 
 was only too ready to carry out the duties assigned to 
 him. It always gave me great pleasure to meet any of 
 these old shipmates again ; but, alas I the number is very 
 limited now. i 
 
 I was often asked to take out things for people 
 in India, and of course did so. I took out a leash of 
 Irish Greyhounds once, but the limit was reached when 
 a former Captain of mine wrote and asked me to take 
 out a parcel to his brother, a Colonel in the Army. The 
 ' parcel,' on arrival, turned out to be a Phaeton. It was 
 packed in a wooden case, and was so big that it would 
 not go below, and had to be stowed on the forecastle. 
 When we got to sea the Captain asked me what it was, 
 and looked somewhat mystified when I said it was a 
 ' parcel ' that I was taking out for Captain Bouncer -to 
 his brother. I explained, and as Bouncer was a pal of 
 his, there was no more said. 
 
 Some of my readers may think that I could have 
 given them more anecdotes on my trooping experiences. 
 I have refrained, because, although it might have caused 1 
 merriment to the many, there might still be a minority 
 to whom it would give pain, however much the story, 
 might be disguised. For the same reason I have avoided 
 giving names in other instances. 
 
 In the month of June an event of great importance 
 to me had occurred ; for on the 2^rd I became engaged 
 to be married. My fiance'e was Miss A. M. Elliot, who 
 was living in Southsea with her mother, and whom I had 1 
 known for some time. I shall have more to say when 
 writing of our marriage, which took place on the
 
 THE SERAP1S 171 
 
 24th October, 1887, for we were engaged a little over 
 two years. 
 
 After leaving the Serapis I went to stay with my 
 future wife's people ; but the visit was a very short 
 one ; for on the 4th of July my appointment to the 
 Express appeared in The Times, and the official reached 
 me the following day. I went to the Naval Club to see 
 what the Express was and where she was going, and 
 found that she was a gunboat, at present at Plymouth 
 and under orders for the West Coast of Africa. The 
 latter rather took the gilt off the gingerbread, for although 
 it was gratifying to get my first command, it was any- 
 thing but so to have the West Coast before one ; however, 
 I hoped for the best, and to get my promotion out of it. 
 
 While I was in the Club a Captain, who knew my 
 fiancee, came in and proceeded to congratulate me. As 
 an old friend of Miss Elliot, he assured me that I was a 
 very fortunate man, and I heartily agreed with him. Then 
 there arrived on the scene another Captain, who was 
 ignorant of my engagement and who was not acquainted 
 with the Elliots (as I knew), and he began to con- 
 gratulate me upon my new ship. I must here explain 
 that the first man was equally ignorant of my being 
 appointed to the Express. The conversation ran on the 
 following lines : Captain number 2 : "I think you are 
 a very lucky fellow." Captain number i : " So do I, 
 and I've just been saying so." Number 2 : "I know her 
 well." Number i : "So do I." Number 2: "She's 
 a pretty little craft." Number i : " You're quite right." 
 Number 2 : " Yes, she's got a pretty little figurehead, she's 
 neat about the bows, and has a graceful stern." 
 Number i looked at us both with horror, hurriedly wished 
 me goodbye, and vanished. Afterwards I explained the 
 matter to him, much to his relief.
 
 CHAPTER XIII 
 THE EXPRESS 
 
 Celer et Audax. 
 
 MY half -pay had only amounted to four days. The irony, 
 of it was that a little more would have been acceptable 
 under the circumstances, as may easily be imagined. 
 
 However, on joining I found that the ship was to be 
 docked and some necessary defects made good, so, sending 
 in for leavcy, I returned to Southsea. The Express proved 
 to be a very pretty little craft (as my friend the Captain 
 had asserted). She was only 440 tons, was armed with 
 four 4-inch B.L. guns, and carried 100 officers and men, 
 an extraordinarily good complement for so small a ship. 
 She was square-rigged on the foremast, and proved to 
 be quite a good sailer. She was only 400 horse-power. 
 
 My predecessor had apparently not taken very much 
 interest in his command, and the general condition of 
 affairs did not please me. I determined to take these 
 matters in hand when we got into blue water. I believe 
 that an Admiralty wag submitted my name for command 
 of the ship as being a very appropriate one for an officer 
 with my name. To maintain the jest, I had the motto 
 that stands at the head of this chapter affixed to the 
 steering wheel, and determined that if we could not live 
 up to the first adjective we would at least justify the 
 second. 
 
 My leave passed like a flash, and after a hurried visit 
 to my home a few weeks later found us steaming down 
 Channel for Sierra Leone, via Madeira. We had a fine 
 passage, and on the first day out I had a general muster 
 and made a short speech to the men, the gist of which 
 was that it was my resolve to have a smart ship and a 
 clean one, with the natural consequence of being happy 
 and comfortable. The crew was undoubtedly above the 
 
 1T2
 
 THE EXPRESS 178 
 
 average, and I felt quite sure was capable of it. My 
 expectations were justified, and three months later I was 
 able to inform the men that they had carried out my 
 intentions in a most satisfactory manner. 
 
 At Madeira we found another gunboat, also bound to 
 Sierra Leone, that had left a week before us. The 
 Lieutenant-in -Command called and informed me that he 
 had received a telegram from the Admiralty asking why 
 he had not left, and ordering him to send in his reasons 
 for his delay. This was good enough for me, and I 
 wired to the Admiralty our arrival and a notification that 
 we were leaving in forty -eight hours. My friend cleared 
 out twenty-four hours before we did, but the day before 
 arriving at Sierra Leone we passed him and beat him in 
 by some hours. We were beginning to justify our pre- 
 tentious motto. 
 
 Freetown, Sierra Leone, \vas at that time known as 
 the " White Man's Grave." It owed its foundation to 
 captured slaves being landed there ; their descendants 
 had become a most insolent mob, with extraordinary ideas 
 of their importance. A West Indian Regiment was 
 stationed here, and these men were sufficient to preserve 
 order. The mortality among the white men was appalling, 
 hence the above sobriquet. As may be surmised, no war- 
 ship stopped longer than was absolutely necessary, and our 
 object in calling was to enter some Krumen for doing 
 necessary work in the sun. These Krumen come from 
 Krutown in Liberia, and are the most industrious hard- 
 working natives on the coast. They are capital fellows, 
 and we got to like ours very much ; they are such a 
 contrast to the Freetown natives, who are Mandingans, 
 and a very inferior lot. The true Kruboy has a blue 
 tattooed line down his broad nose and a few more on 
 each upper cheek. They had to be given names, but as 
 most of them had served in British ships already, we only 
 christened one or two. Our headman was ' Seabreeze,' 
 and another was ' Sunrise,' but not all of them rejoiced 
 in such poetical names ; for example, we had one named 
 ' Bottle of Beer,' and yet another was ' Jack Nasty Face,' 
 the last rather a libel, for these men have an honest 
 contented look. Most of them spoke ' Pidgin ' English. 
 They always messed by themselves on the upper deck, 
 and were never allowed on the messdeck. When one 
 of them misbehaved (a very rare occurrence), the Head 
 Kruman inflicted punishment that went by the name of
 
 174 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 ' Fum-Fum,' and was administered with a rope's end. 
 They did all the boat-work in the daytime, and kept the 
 outside of the ship clean. I never saw the Kruboys at 
 any devotions, and I don't believe they have any religion. 
 One of my brother Captains tried a little proselytizing, 
 and to assist it sent up to Krutown (the ship's name for 
 their quarters) a couple of turkeys on Christmas Day. 
 The next day he sent for their headman. " Well, Tom- 
 jim, what is Christmas Day? " " One day fill um belly, 
 Capen," was the unexpected answer. The Captain tried 
 another tack. " Who died for you? " This was still 
 easier. " Two turkeys, Sah." 
 
 Our next port was Elmina, an old Dutch Fort that 
 had passed through the hands of the Portuguese to us. 
 It was the headquarters of the Hausa force, where re- 
 cruits were entered and trained. Here I found three 
 officers in residence. It is one of the few places on 
 the coast where there is an easy landing place, most of 
 the others being on an open beach with a formidable 
 surf. About ten miles to the Eastward is Cape Coast 
 Castle, and here was a small garrison. It is almost as 
 bad a station as Sierra Leone, and there was literally 
 nothing to be done but count the hours. Both these 
 castles are very picturesque, and looked well from the 
 sea. From the anchorage of the latter one sees a huge 
 central tower, its angles rounded off with towers and! 
 battlements, turrets and curtains, bastions and roofs 
 standing all pell-mell below. The main courtyard, pro- 
 tected by a portcullis and gate tower, is triangular. 
 Here is the tomb of L.E.L. (Letitia Elizabeth Landon), 
 the poetess, who came here in 1838 with her husband, 
 the Governor, and who was found dead in her room 
 not long afterwards. A mystery that was never 
 solved . 
 
 There is a mysterious fascination about this place. 
 It has served as a base for several expeditions. The 
 only reminiscence of the last one was a large surplus of 
 Government rum that could be purchased for a shilling 
 a gallon. Apparently it did not occur to the authorities 
 that it might be shipped home and a handsome profit 
 made on it. The immediate natives are Fantis, an un- 
 warlike tribe, and only fit to act as carriers. 
 
 The whole of the coast was gloomy, mysterious and 
 unhealthy. Probably things are better now, and with' 
 modern hygienic discoveries the toll of life has become
 
 THE EXPRESS 175 
 
 less than when we were there from 1885 to 1887. But 
 the fact remains that it is not a white man's country ; 
 very few escape disease of some sort, and the few that do 
 survive are known as ' Salted/ and are valuable servants 
 to their employers. 
 
 Cape Coast Castle, being on the Gold Coast, leads 
 us to the precious metal. There is gold in the country, 
 no doubt, and the natives know where to get it. They 
 bring it in in quills, and use it for barter, but I imagine 
 that it is not in sufficient quantities to justify the white 
 man incurring the risks of working for it. There are 
 some very good native workers, and I purchased a 
 beautiful bracelet made by one of them. It is highly 
 artistic, and has a good deal of filigree work about it 
 and finely wrought leaves and flowers. It is known as 
 the ' Queen's Pattern,' and I believe one was presented to 
 Her Majesty. The purchase price was always the number 
 of British sovereigns that balanced it in the scales. They 
 also make a lot of silver ornaments, and their rings with 
 the signs of the zodiac inscribed are well known. 
 
 The manner of landing on the coast, rendered necessary 
 by reason of the surf, that varies in force according to 
 the depth of the water, is in a craft known as a surf- 
 boat. The sea is comparatively shallow for a long distance 
 out, and billows up into ridge-like formations that break 
 in a most dangerous fashion as they approach the beach. 
 In some places there is a succession of these ridges with 
 comparative smooth between. Thus having negotiated the 
 first ridge, the surf -boat watches for a favourable oppor- 
 tunity, and at the psychological moment tackles the next 
 one. 
 
 The surf-boats are largish craft with bow and stern 
 alike. The crew of ten or twelve men sit on the gun- 
 wale and propel the boat with paddles ; the steersman 
 (known to the crew as the boatswain) stands at the stern 
 and steers with an oar. The men are quite experienced 
 at this work, and an accident is extremely rare. It was 
 said that if they wished to do so a capsize was easily 
 arranged. One did occur during my time, and a very 
 unpopular official was drowned'. 
 
 The experience of landing was most exhilarating. 
 After taking your place in the boat the crew shove off 
 and paddle away at random, reserving themselves for 
 more strenuous work. On approaching the surf serious 
 business commences, and the crew strike up a chant,
 
 176 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 keeping time with the paddles ; the boatswain takes the 
 solo part, and the crew joins in the refrain, all of them 
 striking the water at the commencement of it. By this 
 they get great momentum on the boat, which is maintained 
 until the next stroke. Thus : Boatswain : " Manowah, he 
 come again, he come again, he come again." Chorus : 
 " Ho, canoeman " (all paddles strike the water). Boat- 
 swain : " Capen, he come again, he come again, he come 
 again." Chorus : " Ho, canoeman." And so on, da capo 
 The boatswain varies his theme and improvises freely, 
 especially if he thinks he has a complaisant fare. These 
 men are humorous and kindly enough if treated properly. 
 My plan was to promise them a bottle of trade gin if they 
 got me on shore dry, and it always answered. Anything 
 over the established fare was called a ' Dash ' in coast 
 parlance. Having informed the boatswain of the intended 
 ' Dash,' it would of course be alluded to in the chant, and 
 you would hear yourself described as " Manowah Capen, 
 he velly good man." Sometimes I exercised my own 
 talent as an Improvisatore, to the intense enjoyment of 
 the crew. 
 
 ', On approaching the first line of surf, paddling is 
 suspended, and the boatswain takes stock. An intense 
 silence prevails among the crew, and he keeps the boat 
 pointed for the beach, surveying the sea over his shoulder. 
 Suddenly he gives a signal as a huge roller comes along, 
 and the paddles strike the water simultaneously with great 
 force. The roller overtakes us, lifts the boat, and we 
 career along at great speed for a considerable distance, 
 then it outpaces us. We sink into a watery valley, and 
 the men hold the boat steady again. Another one 
 succeeds, and we repeat the operation. Now comes the 
 third and most dangerous roller ; all hands look business, 
 and the paddles are gripped with determination. Suddenly 
 you are flying along again, and this time you land with 
 a tremendous bump on the shore. Two boys seize you, 
 and you are carried up the beach at a run and deposited 
 on your feet, to the great relief of your olfactory nerves, 
 for these gentry look upon washing; as a superfluous luxury. 
 The only clothing they indulge in is a loin-cloth. I 
 presented the boatswain at Accra with an old tall hat 
 that he wore in a most rakish manner and with evident 
 enjoyment. He became quite devoted to me after this 
 most unusual dash. 
 
 It will be readily understood that going on shore at
 
 THE EXPRESS 177 
 
 most of these places was only indulged in \vhen absolutely 
 necessary. Thus the men never got on shore in the 
 Bights or the Gold Coast, and were confined to the ship 
 for months. All this was very trying for the officers, 
 and still more so for the men. Add to this the constant 
 rolling of the ship, and life on the West Coast was no 
 sort of a gilt-edged proposition. There was also malarial 
 fever to be guarded against, and whenever we went up a 
 river the crew had to have five grains of quinine, twice 
 daily. Much to my amusement the Kruboys insisted upon 
 having it too. 
 
 We arrived at Accra, some distance to the Eastward 
 of Cape Coast Castle, and the headquarters of the Govern- 
 ment. The first question the Governor asked me when 
 I called on him was, " Have you brought your bag? " 
 Naturally I had not, and he insisted on my sending for 
 it, and staying with him during the time the ship was in 
 port. It was a most acceptable change, and the invitation 
 remained good for future visits, for this kind-hearted man 
 was most hospitable, and I owed a great deal to Sir 
 Brandford Griffiths, a man with much colonial experience, 
 and a very interesting man to talk with. 
 
 The official residence was Christianborg Castle, 
 formerly the property of the Danes. Built on a promon- 
 tory, it was washed on three sides by the sea ; on the 
 fourth it was strongly fortified, and the drawbridge was 
 hauled up at night by the Hausa guard. On the rocks 
 below were the old Danish guns; that had been dismounted 
 and tumbled over the walls. The quarters were excellent, 
 and the Governor kept as good a table as the resources 
 of the region allowed. His A.D.C. lived in the Castle, 
 and we were often joined by the Colonial Secretary. The 
 latter was an old coast bird, and had many curious tales 
 to relate, one of which I made use of in my former 
 publication, An Admiral's Yarns. 
 
 Accra is one of the few places on the coast where 
 horses are immune from the tsetse fly, so one got a few 
 drives. I also made an attempt to shoot, but game was 
 scarce. My companion one of the colonial officers 
 completely collapsed, and I had some trouble in getting 
 him back. However, nothing daunted by my failure at 
 Accra, I tried other places, but with poor results, and on 
 several occasions I nearly trod on snakes ; luckily they 
 were as anxious to get out of my way as I was of theirs. 
 These creatures abound, and the natives do not kill them, 
 
 12
 
 178 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 regarding them with great awe, and probably worshipping 
 them. ! ! I 
 
 Superstition is rife on the coast in spite of the 
 missionaries. I don't think these men take things very 
 seriously. One gentleman we found living in tents on 
 the Congo was doing himself very well, especially in the 
 wine and food department, but there was no sign ,of 
 converts. 
 
 Most of the natives offer up their devotions to a 
 Fetish of some sort, and anything more hideous than the 
 majority of them cannot be conceived. It is impossible 
 to conjecture what rites are conducted, and what offerings 
 are made to these idols. When shooting at Accra I 
 came across a disgusting specimen that was covered with 
 blood, feathers and rags ; it was evidently very popular. 
 The Kruboy who was with me was quite overcome with 
 awe, and followed me closely until the gruesome object 
 had been left far behind. I have one in my possession, 
 however, that is almost a work of art. It is a wooden 
 figure about 18 inches high, carved to represent a woman 
 in a sitting attitude with a child on her knees ; the effect 
 is not wholly unp leasing. Here we see, probably, a 
 tradition of a virgin birth, although it may be a mere 
 coincidence. The wood is very hard, and is stained black 
 in certain parts, and the eyes are small pieces of glass,. 
 I often speculate as to what sacrifices have been made to it. 
 There is in connection with the above a form of super- 
 stition known as Juju. By putting Juju on anything you 
 confer a curse upon anyone attempting to steal or interfere 
 with it. You simply Jujued any old thing, hung it up, 
 and it did the rest. A useful custom, and one that we 
 might adopt with advantage in some so-called civilized 
 countries. 
 
 The Fetish priests act as doctors, and undoubtedly 
 exercise great power. When a man commits a crime he 
 can escape punishment if he can square the priest, for the 
 latter has to administer a dose of poison to the suspected 
 person, and his guilt is determined by the result. If he 
 vomits it he is considered innocent, if he dies he is guilty. 
 It is understandable that a good bribe by the culprit will 
 ensure immunity. Near Cabinda I came across a group 
 that sat in a circle around a man who had just taken 
 his dose, and who was being regarded most curiously 
 by the remainder. Somehow it reminded me of Job and 
 his friends. He looked at me most pathetically ; probably
 
 THE EXPRESS 179 
 
 he was not sure whether he had dashed the priest suffi- 
 ciently. His face was ashen, and he had all the appear- 
 ance of a doomed man, but I had no wish to remain and 
 witness his demise or the other operation, so I passed 
 on and left the court still sitting. 
 
 Another quaint custom that prevails is that any un- 
 fortunate woman presenting her husband with twins is 
 put to death, together with the offspring. I believe that 
 they have got it into their heads that the woman must have 
 committed adultery to get two children, hence this drastic 
 punishment. What would they say to some of our triplet 
 cases ? 
 
 At Accra a good deal of trade is carried on. Calling 
 on a man with whom I had become acquainted, I was 
 confronted in his sitting-room by a leopard, that 
 approached and began rubbing itself against me. I did 
 not enjoy it much, and called out to my friend. He 
 replied, telling me to stand quite still (which you may be 
 sure I did) until he came in. He entered, and seizing 
 the animal, marched it off, much to my relief. It seemed 
 rather a dangerous sort of pet to have about loose. 
 
 Continuing Eastward, we arrived at Jellah Coffee, where 
 we found plentiful supplies of fowls and turkeys and great 
 stores of eggs ; the latter buried in the sand and dug up 
 on the arrival of the warship. This place is situated 
 on a sandy spit, and was the hottest place we visited ; 
 the temperature was 137 degrees in the daytime and 
 90 at night. As may be imagined, we did not stop very 
 long. 
 
 A few miles to the Eastward is Quittah, where a 
 company of Hausas, with two officers, was stationed. I 
 found the officers breathing fire and sword against the 
 natives, and our arrival was hailed as a valuable re- 
 inforcement. On investigation it did not appear to me that 
 it was a matter that called for action, certainly of the sort 
 contemplated, and I induced them to see it in the same 
 light. The affair was eventually settled at a palaver 
 held by the Governor, the offenders being fined ; thus 
 bloodshed was avoided. Any punitive expedition would 
 have been a very onesided affair, muzzle -loading gas -pipes 
 and spears against Martini -Henrys and Catlings are at a 
 heavy discount. Here I had my first go of malarial 
 fever, and my recovery was considerably expedited by 
 the kindness of these officers, who supplied me with milk 
 (a great luxury), turkeys, eggs and fruit. The turkeys
 
 180 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 are little bigger than an ordinary fowl, and the fowls 
 about the size of a pigeon. 
 
 Palavers were most amusing affairs, but being very 
 official, all merriment had to be carefully suppressed, yet 
 it was difficult to preserve one's gravity on the arrival of 
 the Kings and Chiefs. A negro, however exalted his 
 rank, in a go Id -laced coat over a loin-cloth, perhaps gold- 
 laced trousers, perhaps not, and sometimes with bare feet, 
 his woolly head crowned with a cocked hat or a silk one, 
 was an object that appealed to anyone with a sense of 
 humour. A retainer in attendance carefully held an 
 umbrella over his master's head. 
 
 These palavers were held out of doors for obvious 
 reasons. A general air of solemnity prevailed. The 
 Governor, who was the last to arrive, took his seat ,on 
 the biggest and most ornamental chair, and the Chiefs 
 were allowed to sit on each side, according to rank, for 
 which they are great sticklers, the whole forming a semi- 
 circle. The Interpreter stood in front of the Governor, 
 and in the foreground was the general public. When all 
 was ready the Interpreter announced, " Palaver Set," and 
 the proceedings commenced, generally by a formal indict- 
 ment on the part of the Governor of the offenders, laid on 
 pretty hot, his speech being translated by the Interpreter. 
 Then the offenders were called upon for their replies and 
 excuses, if they had any, and after a summing up by the 
 Governor, he delivered judgment and the proceedings 
 terminated. There was always a guard of Hausas in 
 attendance, and a warship off the beach was an excellent 
 trump card. 
 
 These Hausas are men recruited from a district in 
 British Nigeria. They are of medium height and black 
 complexion, and represent the highest type of negro ; they 
 have long had a native civilization. They make admirable 
 soldiers, being of great physical strength, and are cool 
 and brave in action. A great majority hold the faith 
 of Islam. 
 
 We now visited the oil rivers in succession ; here were 
 kings galore. The great game of grab had just been 
 played by the Powers, and our energetic Consul Hewitt 
 had done very well for his country in the way of treaty- 
 making with the said kings. We shipped him two or 
 three times for conveyance to different places. I was: 
 much struck by the tact and firmness displayed by this 
 competent official in his dealings with' the natives.
 
 THE EXPRESS 181 
 
 The coast round the Niger and the oil rivers is terribly, 
 monotonous, flat and uninteresting. Inside the rivers it 
 is still more depressing, until higher reaches are gained., 
 The mangroves, with their slimy roots and impenetrable, 
 masses of jungle, are no relief to sandy beaches with an 1 
 occasional palm tree. Farther up, the country is better ; 
 the mangroves disappear and the country is drier, hilly and 
 wooded. I found this to be notably so on going up to 
 Old Calabar on the river of that name. There we found 
 a most respectable king with a town of a better class than 
 usual. 
 
 There was always interest and amusement in looking 
 up kings. The affair usually commenced by the king 
 sending off a dash in one of his canoes, fruit, fowls, eggs, 
 and sometimes a goat. I invariably declined with grateful 
 thanks. The idea of being under an obligation to a 
 negro of however exalted rank was not palatable, but I 
 sent word that I would look him up after he had paid me 
 a visit. This never failed to bring off the dusky potentate, 
 who invariably came in great state. A large canoe, some- 
 times with twenty paddles, with, of course, a shelter for the 
 royal personage, who, equally of course, was clothed in a 
 weird costume, brought the visitor. When he arrived 
 on board we had a powwow on the quarterdeck. I never 
 liked to have them in my cabin. Then, after partaking 
 of a whisky or rum, we fixed up the time for a return 
 visit. Natives live in huts called ' Shinbacks,' but their 
 majesties usually had a superior residence, almost a 
 Buckingham Palace compared to the others, where they 
 accumulated an extraordinary collection of European 
 articles, cheap and nasty, as provided by the traders in 
 exchange for ivory, rubber, oil and skins. China orna- 
 ments are great favourites (but that is a sort of world 
 cult) and these were of the commonest kind. One king 
 had on his sideboard an article of everyday use that is 
 generally carefully hidden from sight. I suppose he 
 thought it was a quaint drinking* jug or salad bowl! 
 
 The king then heaped coals of fire on one's head 
 by producing champagne, but it was wise to take 
 a pass, for trade champagne is as bad as trade gin ; 
 both dope of the very worst kind, no knockout drops 
 required. 
 
 These men had an extraordinary amount of conceit, 
 which is not surprising when it is realized what power they 
 hold over their subjects, but they had to be gently and
 
 182 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 firmly corrected when they endeavoured to assume a grade 
 only a little inferior to Queen Victoria. 
 
 One of my brother officers, much given to practical 
 jokes, after being associated for some time with one of 
 these kings had got wearied by his pretensions. At length 
 he announced that Queen Victoria had conferred on the 
 king the order of the Q.H.B., and had ordered him to 
 bestow it on the first opportunity. Of course that was 
 soon made, and in the presence of a great crowd, and with 
 much pomp and ceremony, the installation took place, and 
 a very creditable ornament, fashioned by the ship's 
 armourer out of a sheet of copper, decorated by the 
 painter, and attached to a length of silk ribbon, was hung 
 round the gratified king's neck. The accolade was duly 
 given by my friend, and the king was solemnly installed 
 as a Q.H.B., or "Queen's Hard Bargain." 
 
 The most interesting event in connection with kings 
 that occurred to me was a royal ballet given in my honour. 
 Leaving the ship very early, I started with a trader for 
 the scene of action. Each of us was carried by two 
 natives in hammocks slung on a long pole, the ends of 
 which rested on their heads. The distance was about 
 eight miles through jungle and bush, and under a hot sun, 
 yet these men never rested ; the going was bad in some 
 places, but not once did a man stumble. The king 
 received us with much ceremony, and had evidently got 
 into his glad rags ; they took the form of Manchester 
 cloths, disposed round him in toga fashion. He was 
 surrounded by a large family, several wives, sons and 
 daughters, likewise clean and spruced up. I have seen 
 it stated that negroes and negresses are never good- 
 looking, but that is not by any means always the case. 
 These people have not all got thick lips, broad noses and 
 sooty complexions. I have seen some of both sexes who 
 would hold their own anywhere, their colour being of a 
 light copper. The wool is a bit of a handicap to a dusky 
 belle, but they arrange it most artistically, and they have 
 lots of spare time for embellishment. They almost in- 
 variably have splendid teeth and a fine carriage (there is 
 no need for a Turveydrop among these ebony Venuses), 
 the result of carrying everything from an empty bottle to 
 a heavy load upon their heads. 
 
 We arrived in time for the mid-day meal, but mindful 
 of my companion's advice, I became, for the nonce, a 
 vegetarian as well as a teetotaler. After this we were
 
 THE EXPRESS 183 
 
 treated to the spectacle of a dance by the Royal Corps 
 de Ballet. 
 
 The king sat on a raised dais, and we occupied seats 
 on his right and left ; his wives and family were grouped 
 around us, the court officials being included among them. 
 In front were the dancers, and the proletariat formed a 
 dense ring of interested spectators. 
 
 About fifty damsels took part in the ballet, the music 
 for which was supplied by a band of performers on 
 tomtoms and reed instruments. The ladies were no more 
 of the Genee or Pavlova school than the band was of the 
 Dan Godfrey class, but what they lacked in skill they 
 made up for in energy. They swayed, wriggled, and 
 executed a sort of balance step without gaining ground. 
 Without doubt I saw the original Jazz ! 
 
 I shall not attempt to describe the costumes worn 
 by these Coryphe'es. It is sufficient to say that there is 
 no Stage Censor on the West Coast, and that no expense 
 had been incurred beyond the demands of decency. We 
 endured the performance until we could make our adieux 
 without hurting the feelings of the monarch, and having 
 expressed our gratification through the Interpreter we set 
 out on our return to the coast, having added another 
 peculiar experience to our repertoire. 
 
 From the rivers we went to Fernando Po, a Spanish 
 Island, and from thence to Prince's Island (Portuguese) 
 and Anno Bom (Spanish). The first of these impressed 
 us most unfavourably, for it rained continuously, a habit 
 of that place, I believe : it seems to rain all the year round. 
 Before going on to Prince's Island we embarked Vice- 
 Consul H. H. Johnston (afterwards Sir Harry") for passage 
 to the Cameroons. This short trip introduced us to quite 
 a different class of scenery. The Cameroon mountains, 
 with an altitude of 14,000 feet, present a fine spectacle, 
 and the whole district was a distinct change for the better 
 after the level monotony of the Gold Coast. We dis- 
 embarked Mr. Johnston, and went to Prince's Island. 
 The services of the above distinguished man are well 
 known. Even at that time he had made his mark, and 
 can be instanced as an example of the manner in which 
 our Empire is quietly and unobtrusively served by its 
 sons abroad. 
 
 The Germans had only lately annexed (by purchase) 
 the Cameroons, and were having anything but a good 
 time with the natives, who were not at all pleased with
 
 184. 
 
 the transaction. They would have infinitely preferred to 
 be under the British, and one chief remarked to me, 
 " Who are the Germans, they have only one Manowah? " 
 The negotiations had been carried out by Nactigal in the 
 Moeve. 
 
 The same discontent prevailed in Anno Bom, where 
 I was informed that they wanted to be Queen Victoria's 
 men. It was only by promising that I would represent 
 the matter in the right quarter that I got any peace. It 
 was difficult to make them understand that we had no 
 quarrel with Spain, and so could not turn the priests and 
 officials out. 
 
 Prince's Island was quite delightful after all these 
 worries, although being almost on the line it is a trifle 
 on the warm side. The island seemed prosperous, and 
 it appeared to me that the labour problem had been 
 satisfactorily solved (from the employers' point of view) 
 by giving the smallest modicum of wages or none at all. 
 
 All these Spanish and Portuguese places are well 
 provided with churches, some of them quite fine buildings. 
 That is undoubtedly the first aim of the priesthood, and 
 the natives are squeezed with that object. But among 
 the laymen there was not much respect for religion ; later, 
 at St. Paul de Loanda, I was shocked by the conduct of 
 some of them who took me to see one of these edifices. 
 They went into the vestry and, taking out the vestments, 
 proceeded to perform a mass with comic interludes, the 
 priest meanwhile looking on with great tolerance. At 
 Anno Bom the interior of the church was used as a 
 burial ground. 
 
 After the islands we arrived at Libreville, on the 
 Gabun River. This place, in the hands of the French, 
 was quite a decent settlement, and the natives were kept 
 in thorough good order. The Governor was Capitaine 
 de Vaisseau, Pradier. He was a charming specimen of 
 his country, and used to send me presents of legumes (a 
 rarity on the coast). There were three French warships 
 in port, and when the Captains paid their official visits 
 one of them turned out to be an old friend of La Touche 
 Treville days. He came over the side, recognized me, 
 and before I had time to realize it, kissed me on both' 
 cheeks. Of course I glared round to see if any of my 
 men were amused by this unusual salute, but they all 
 preserved their gravity, although it must have been a 
 source of merriment later. My old friend invited us to
 
 THE EXPRESS 185 
 
 spend an evening on board his craft, and we did so with 
 much enjoyment. The wardroom had an excellent piano, 
 and they were kind enough to sing us some English 
 songs (at least they said they were), and in return I 
 sang a French one (at least I said it was), and we all 
 parted the best of friends. 
 
 Perhaps some of my readers might like to know what 
 we did to while away the monotony of the life at some 
 of the most uncivilized places when we were unable to go 
 on shore. Realizing before I left England that I was 
 likely to have a good deal of spare time on my hands, 
 I laid in a large stock of wools, canvas, and patterns, and 
 in the course of my two years on the coast accumulated 
 quite a store of mantelpiece borders, cushion covers, and 
 curtain borders, all of which came in very useful when 
 setting up house. The men were never idle, and did a 
 lot of worsted work also. In those days the bluejacket 
 made and repaired his own kit, was expert with the needle, 
 and turned out a lot of fancy work. 
 
 From Libreville we went to the Ogowe River, and took 
 up an anchorage off the right bank. On the left, at the 
 mouth of the river, is Cape Lopez, and this part of the 
 country is said to be a famous locality for elephants. It 
 was reported that a herd of these animals had been seen 
 there quite lately ; indeed, that an officer of a warship 
 had recently shot one. We learned the truth later, when 
 it transpired that while out shooting an officer had suddenly 
 come upon one, and in a moment of temporary aberration 
 let drive a charge of number five at it. Luckily the 
 elephant was equally surprised, and so departed without 
 taking toll. We organized a hunt, but without success. 
 I was disappointed at the time, but am now glad that 
 I did not shoot one of these noble animals simply to 
 gratify a lust to kill. Old age brings more merciful,' 
 feelings. 
 
 We had an interesting experience here. The natives 
 undoubtedly have a system of telegraphing from tribe to 
 tribe. It is done by means of drums, and presumably a 
 code is used. We arrived in the evening, and the drums 
 woke up immediately in our neighbourhood. We could 
 hear them respond in the far distance, and although we 
 did not know for certain, we suspected what was going 
 on. This was confirmed the next day when a trader 
 came off and told us that our arrival had been made 
 known a long way up country. It was a hot, still night,
 
 186 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 and the sound of these drums carried a great distance, 
 beside having a weird effect. 
 
 Then Southward for the Congo, calling at various 
 factories, as the trading establishments are called, such as 
 at Mayumba, Loango and Landana, the two former being 
 in French territory, the second being another good 
 specimen of their parental care. Mayumba and Landana 
 are merely factories on the beach with a few native huts 
 around and the bush for a background. The former 
 place was the scene of a sad catastrophe a year or so 
 before our arrival. A party of five officers from a warship 
 started up the river on a shooting excursion, and one of 
 them badly wounded a hippopotamus ; the enraged animal 
 charged the boat and capsized it. The result was that 
 three of them were drowned. Some say that the hippo 
 drowned them ; others that 'they could not reach the bank 
 because of a thick fringe of weeds. I think the latter 
 most probable. I visited their graves, and was glad to 
 see that they had been kept in order by the trader, their 
 bodies having been recovered and buried close by the 
 factory. 
 
 At Landana the trader invited us to go for a shooting 
 trip up the river. We went in a large boat paddled by 
 a dozen natives. Mindful of the Mayumba tragedy, 
 shooting at hippos was tabu, and although we saw some, 
 they were not disturbed. Some alligators were shot, and 
 we thus got a little practice, but unless killed outright 
 these creatures manage to get into the water. After 
 paddling about sixteen miles we landed for lunch, and 
 enjoyed an alfresco meal, which we cooked ourselves on 
 a sandy but shaded spit of sand. Several times natives 
 appeared on the banks and greeted us with shouts of 
 " Mandili " (white men), but they could not be induced 
 to approach us ; possibly they thought we had come 
 to procure some free labour. 
 
 The traders led a very solitary life. There were three 
 of them, and there was nothing for them to do beyond 
 attending to barter. The only excitement was the arrival 
 of an occasional steamer to take away the produce. It 
 must be very lucrative to the companies, for the articles 
 which the native gets in exchange for his products are 
 of the shoddiest description, and as I have said, the trade 
 gin, which they have a great liking for, is of the most 
 death-dealing quality. 
 
 One of the traders told me that they used to keep
 
 THE EXPRESS 187 
 
 a boa to destroy the rats that infested the building. A 
 native boy was in the habit of teasing the creature, and 
 although warned about it, he continued to do so. The 
 trader was sitting in the store one afternoon and his 
 attention was drawn by hearing the boy scream. He was 
 just in time to see the boa disengage itself from the boy, 
 who he had crushed to death. 
 
 Thence to Kabinda, a small port to the Northward 
 of the Congo, a nice little place with a safe anchorage and 
 several factories with some most hospitable traders. It 
 was comparatively cool, and with the aid of the stream 
 anchor and cable we kept the ship broadside on to the 
 breeze. This place was largely used by American whalers, 
 and there were five of them at anchor when we paid our 
 first visit. They were the last of a rapidly disappearing 
 class. Short, stumpy craft, with a broad beam and good 
 stowage, they looked like the camel of the sea, but their 
 odour was of a camel that had been defunct for some 
 time. One of the masters had his wife on board ; it is 
 surprising that she could stand it, but she seemed rather 
 to enjoy the life. 
 
 The natives here were quite a superior lot, and are 
 considered to make the best boys on the coast. Rather 
 light in complexion, they are of pleasant appearance, and 
 many of both sexes are quite good-looking. 
 
 At last we had arrived at the mighty and mysterious 
 Congo, and we called at Shark's Point before entering the 
 river. At this place, with the ill-omened name, we found 
 a small cemetery of naval people who had died in this 
 unhealthy region, a sad and melancholy sight, and one 
 that brought home the realization of how little this was 
 a white man's country. 
 
 The Congo flows out in an uninterrupted mighty 
 stream, and its dark waters can be plainly discerned a 
 hundred miles at sea. A bugbear of the coast was the 
 Tornado. " Beware the Tornado " was one of the first 
 warnings dinned into our ears. They were supposed to 
 be frequent in the region of the Congo, but we must have 
 been lucky, for we only encountered one during our stay 
 on the coast. It gave plenty of warning, in the shape of 
 a huge black arch approaching slowly at a considerable 
 distance. We had plenty of time to snug down, after 
 which we awaited the onslaught. It came, and for a 
 quarter of an hour it blew a hurricane, with a heavy rain 
 obligate . Having passed over us without damage, the
 
 188 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 weather resumed its usual aspect, and we made sail again, 
 none the worse. A more permanent annoyance was the 
 Harmattan, a hot wind from the Eastward, permeated 
 with desert sand. It is irritating beyond belief ; dries up 
 and ruins your books and cracks all the woodwork ; in 
 fact, is most destructive. 
 
 From Shark's Point to Banana Creek is only a short 
 trip. The latter anchorage inside the right bank of the 
 river is one of the chief Portuguese settlements. Here 
 was quite a sprinkling of factories, and several English 
 and Scots in charge. We got coal and supplies of most 
 kinds, and the creek being well protected, lay in comfort. 
 Occasional steamers put in an appearance, and there was 
 a river service to Boma, Vivi, and other places as far as 
 the cataracts. On our last visit we anchored some distance 
 up the river with the idea that the fresh water might 
 bring off the barnacles and weeds that had accumulated 
 on the ship's bottom. It was a gloomy experience, man- 
 groves as far as the eye could reach, and dense jungle, 
 not a sign of life. A turbid forbidding river always 
 flowing in the same direction, the only relief being the 
 rare appearance of a canoe that, issuing from the man- 
 groves, seemed to make a brief reconnaisance before 
 retiring. 
 
 Working South, we fetched up at St. Paul de Loanda. 
 This is a beautiful anchorage protected from the sea by 
 a natural breakwater, a long arm of land that starts out 
 from the town and then runs parallel to the shore for 
 some miles. The head of the bay has become much silted 
 up with sand, and ships have to lie some distance off the 
 town. The same misfortune has overtaken the town, and 
 the streets are more than ankle-deep with sand ; thus 
 walking is most fatiguing and unpleasant. It is a serious 
 catastrophe, for the town is of fair size, well situated, and 
 contains some good buildings. Here we found a small 
 colony of our countrymen and a Vice -Consul, all most 
 kind and hospitable. The Firm extended an open in- 
 vitation to dine with them, of which we frequently availed 
 ourselves. Food is one of the greatest problems on the 
 coast, and one does get tired of tinned goods. The fresh 
 meat is of a very poor quality, and sometimes I used to 
 wonder what we were eating. The meat might have 
 been monkey, and the bird might have been parrot. I 
 have no doubt it sometimes was the case, but where 
 ignorance is bliss it is better not to inquire. One item
 
 THE EXPRESS 189 
 
 was always good, namely, the Vino Tinto, which' came 
 from Portugal. 
 
 Here there were Portuguese warships and a small navy 
 yard, some troops, and a Governor with many officials. 
 Abreast of our anchorage was an old fort. It had become 
 obsolete, and was used as a prison. In the oubliettes 
 were confined the prisoners who were in for life. They 
 did not survive very long, for the foundations were below 
 water level, and the sea entered freely. Death must have 
 been a happy release. The navy had a great opinion 
 of itself. I have noticed a curious fact in the course of 
 my career, namely, that the ships of all navies have a 
 distinct and personal odour that seems to cling to and 
 typify them. It was very prominent in the Portuguese, 
 and may be described as garlicy. The American is biscuit 
 and cheese, the German beer, and the French red wine. 
 I wonder what ours is! I should incline to rum. We 
 had any amount of parrots and monkeys as pets. I 
 owned a very clever bird. He could stand on his head, 
 lie down and pretend to be dead, and had an extensive 
 repertoire. His cage was always brought on deck, and I 
 used to sit and talk to him while smoking, and once I 
 became aware of a monkey making an insidious approach. 
 He got close to the cage and spotted me watching, and 
 I could have sworn he winked at me. When within 
 reaching distance he helped himself from the parrot's 
 food. George (the parrot) viewed this proceeding with' 
 great disfavour, but he was not taking any risks, andi 
 lagered himself in the middle of the cage, safe from the 
 monkey's paw. The latter helped himself again. This 
 was too much for George, and he spluttered out, " Oh', 
 you rascal! ' The monkey fled, and I could have sworn 
 the parrot winked at me. The rem'arkable part of the 
 affair was that George had never used the phrase before, 
 but T had often said it to him with' the hope that he 
 might adopt it. Apparently he thought that the right 
 time had come for him to do so. 
 
 At Loanda we were honoured with" a visit by the 
 flagship, during which we were inspected with' very good 
 results, for on leaving the Admiral told me that he had 
 sent in my name for promotion. The little craft was 
 really in a very satisfactory condition, and on any other 
 station service in her would have been a pleasure. My 
 officers and men were most loyal, and I owed a great 
 deal to them for backing up my endeavours so whole-
 
 190 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 heartedly. At drill we were very smart, and I used to 
 take her out under sail and cruise about to keep them up 
 to the mark and make them fit as well. It paid. She 
 was remarkably handy, and in smooth water would tack 
 as easily as a fore-and-after. One of our evolutions was 
 to shift the foretopsail in stays, an evolution that I had 
 never seen done before or since. But as I have said, we 
 had a big crew for such a small craft. 
 
 Our Admiral, Sir Walter Hunt Grubbe, was an old 
 coast bird ; a fine officer, and a good man to serve under 
 if you fitted your job. Fond of a joke and a song, he 
 was very hospitable. On the night of the inspection I 
 dined with him, and on leaving asked if he would come 
 on board the Express the next day on his way on shore, 
 when landing for his afternoon walk, and partake of a 
 cocktail. He consented (I believe I had rather a reputa- 
 tion as a mixer) ; on his arrival we partook. He asked 
 me the name of it. It had not got one, so I said, " I hope 
 you will allow me to call it the ' Hunt Grubbe. ' " Much 
 amused, he gave his consent. Alas, I have forgotten how 
 to make it. 
 
 He told me a curious story of an event that occurred 1 
 on the coast during his early service. An officer com- 
 manding a steam vessel, on arriving at a certain port, 
 found a sailing brig, the commanding officer of which 
 was senior to him. The two dined together on the brig, 
 and on parting the junior announced his intention of 
 leaving the next morning, to which the other replied that 
 he would not give him permission. Accordingly, when 
 the former asked permission to part company in the 
 usual manner it was refused, whereupon, disregarding it, 
 he proceeded to sea. The other then opened fire on him, 
 to Which he replied until out of range. Whether the 
 shooting was intentionally bad or not I cannot say, but 
 there were no casualties. The sequel was that the C.O. 
 of the brig reported the occurrence by letter to the 
 Admiral, who duly received it and held it for the arrival 
 of the brig before taking action. But the unfortunate 
 craft sailed and was never heard of again, and it became 
 apparent that she had been lost with all hands. The 
 survivor rose to be an officer of rank and distinction. 
 
 Another affair occurred in Simon's Bay. A ship 
 ' Manned and Armed Boats,' and proceeded to make a 
 sham attack upon another that was coaling. This was 
 resented, and the men ' Repelled Boarders ' with lumps
 
 THE EXPRESS 191 
 
 of coal. A free fight ensued, that was only stopped by 
 the officers with great difficulty. 
 
 The flagship departed, and getting tired of Loanda 
 we started for a cruise farther South, our point d'appui 
 being Benguella, about 180 miles distant. On the way 
 we called in at Elephant Bay. It is an uninhabited 1 
 spot, and will not be found on the map. The country 
 around is wild and inhospitable. As we steamed into 
 the bay a most unusual spectacle presented itself, for on 
 the beach we saw a herd of twenty-six zebras, all gazing 
 with great curiosity at the strange object approaching. 
 As we drew nearer they got uneasy, and retreated up 
 the beach. The absolute stillness was broken by the 
 plunge of the anchor and the rattle of the cable ; this 
 seemed to scare them. They made off and disappeared 
 in the scrub, finally coming into sight again moving off 
 over the encircling ridge. It was a charming sight. 
 
 The country round this region is frequented by lions, 
 and a predecessor of mine shot two that he came across 
 at a small and muddy pool a little distance inland. Most 
 of the wild animals of the district seemed to visit this 
 pool for water, but although I camped out at night in its 
 vicinity I had no luck. Plenty of birds, but we could 
 not risk alarming nobler game by firing at them. On 
 the hills that encircle the bay were the names of many 
 warships that had visited the place ; they were done in 
 large whitewashed stone letters, and were easily decipher- 
 able many miles off. The Express was duly added. 
 The bay swarmed with fish. We kept our seine net on 
 the beach, and sent a party on shore every morning to 
 haul it and provide a welcome breakfast. 
 
 Round the North cape of the bay, in an oasis, was 
 a station owned by a Portuguese. Water was there in 
 sufficient quantity to grow pahns, cocoa trees and other 
 produce. We had been told of the owner, and on the 
 second day his boat rounded the point and boarded us. 
 We found him' quite a good specimen, of a Portuguese. 
 He brought with him a dictionary and we communicated 
 by its means. He showed me letters and souvenirs from 
 former Captains who had visited him 1 ; the latter were 
 invariably cigarette cases, and he had quite a collection. 
 He invited us to spend a night with him, and three of 
 us went next day. It Was quite a large place, with several 
 hundred ' Hands,' and it seemed to me that here again 
 labour was remarkably cheap, to put it mildly. The
 
 192 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 Overseer was a truculent -looking fellow, and there was 
 a number of huge dogs of indeterminate breed ; each one 
 wore an iron collar studded with spikes. They were 
 described as being useful to keep off lions. I had my 
 doubts. However, that night the place seemed to be 
 infested with lions, and during the small hours we could 
 hear them roaring all round our quarters. The end of 
 our host was a distressing affair. He had opened a keg 
 of gunpowder, and in a careless mood seated himself on 
 it while smoking a cigarette. A tremendous explosion 
 ensued that literally blew him to pieces. 
 
 I have completed an average itinerary of a warship 
 stationed on the West Coast ; it may be taken as repre- 
 senting a year's cruising. Usually a ship found orders 
 at Loanda to proceed to the Cape in order that the crew 
 might recuperate and get some leave, but such luck never 
 came our way. Instead, we were ordered to St. Helena 
 and Ascension, thence to Sierra Leone and the Gold Coast 
 and so on, da capo. 
 
 To reach St. Helena we steamed to latitude 16 degrees 
 South, which is that of the island. We then made sail 
 to the S.E. trade, set the topmast studding-sail and steered 
 on a wind for the island, distant about 1,100 miles. 
 
 The island is like a huge haystack, and stands up 
 boldly from the sea. There is only one anchorage and 
 landing. One of the small boys asked me what sort of 
 a place England was, and if it had a good landing! 
 The anchorage is visited by heavy rollers, probably caused 
 by submarine earthquakes. This landing is at James- 
 town. It lies at the foot of a ravine running into the 
 interior, that gradually ascends until it joins the plateau 
 above. The roads are cut out of the sides, and one gets 
 a pretty view of the town from the top. Having got 
 inside the haystack you discover a country that is pleasing 
 to the eye, and an immense relief after the sandy coast 
 of Africa. There is a legend that the place was taken 
 by the Navy. Men were landed on the opposite side, 
 and they climbed up at a place called ' Hold-fast Tom,' 
 where the climb can still be accomplished by the aid of 
 ropes. I visited the spot, but did not compete. 
 
 The highest point of the island is 3,000 feet, and the 
 population (mostly coloured) number about 4,000. There 
 is little doing beyond farming and gardening, but there was 
 in my time an industry that consisted in making" feather 
 trimmings, and I purchased some very good specimens.
 
 THE EXPRESS 193 
 
 Here we found a small garrison quartered on one of 
 the heights overlooking the town and anchorage, of which 
 a very pretty and comprehensive view is obtainable from 
 the officers' mess, built on the extreme edge. The height 
 is known as ' Ladder Hill,' and access to it is by a zigzag 
 road or a ladder of 660 steps. Most pedestrians pre- 
 ferred the road ; I did. But the gamins of the town 
 will undertake to run up and down without stopping for 
 a small sum, and I saw them do it several times. 
 
 Our men had a igood deal of money to burn, and some 
 of them got through it pretty quickly. Anticipating the 
 above, I had made them draw out what money they 
 wanted before arriving, and I firmly refused any more 
 withdrawals. It was probably unpopular at the time, but 
 a few days at sea convinced them of the wisdom of it, 
 and they were glad to think it was still there. An open 
 gangway was declared during our stay, and I removed 
 myself to Longwood, where there were some comfortable 
 lodgings, with pleasant walks in the neighbourhood, for 
 the interior of the island is delightful ; plenty of vegetation 
 and some fine trees. The roads constructed for Bonaparte 
 are still available, and a few hundred yards from my 
 lodgings stood Longwood, the house in which he died. 
 It had a peculiar attraction, and I visited it many times, 
 picturing to myself the various scenes that had occurred 
 there, especially the last one. The trees, from which 
 the neighbourhood derived its name, have all been cut 
 down. Old residents say that it seriously affected the 
 rainfall. The front verandah is jalousied, and in certain 
 places slits are Cut, through which Bonaparte watched the 
 soldiers at drill, thus being unobserved. Just opposite is 
 a better house that was built for him during his lifetime, 
 but which he refused to occupy. It was then the residence 
 of a French officer sent out by his Government to watch 
 over Bonaparte's tomb. He hated his job, and told me 
 in a burst of confidence that he wished the Emperor had 
 never been born ! The memory of Bonaparte seemed to 
 have died out. Once on my way up to Longwood on foot 
 a tribe of small boys accompanied me for some distance. 
 I asked, "Who was Bonaparte?" There was no reply 
 for some time, and then one of them exclaimed tentatively, 
 " Guess he was a Man." This was his way of asserting 
 that it was not a woman we were talking of. Yet not 
 fifty years had elapsed since his body had been removed 
 to France, and scarcely more since he died. My musings 
 
 13
 
 194 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 took the form, " Here is a man whose deeds roused the 
 world, and yet in the place that his death rendered 
 celebrated he is already forgotten I Such is Fame ! 
 How this man would sympathize with that splendid soldier 
 Marshal Foch, when he was refused permission to advance 
 and occupy Berlin, and how triumphantly he would 
 emphasize the inevitable consequences that have resulted 
 from not doing so, the results of political control of the 
 Soldier." 
 
 There was a Governor with the usual officials, and one 
 felt back in civilization again, especially as there is always 
 more ceremony in these potty little places than elsewhere. 
 At times shooting was to be had, but the arrival of a 
 warship was always coincident with a close season. We 
 bade adieu to Longwood, rode down to Jamestown, and 
 before embarking paused to inspect a tablet on the arch- 
 way leading on to the jetty that indicated the rise of a 
 tidal wave, which some years previously had caused great 
 havoc in the lower town ; it was the heaviest roller ever 
 experienced. 
 
 And so off to Ascension, another 800 miles ; a fair 
 wind all the way and all the peace of a sailing trip. 
 This island was officially a warship, and all on it were 
 subject to naval discipline, the articles of war and the 
 Queen's Regulations. I believe it still is. The Captain 
 of the ' Ship ' was also the Governor. 
 
 The island is a vast cinder heap with numerous extinct 
 volcanoes. It is to be hoped that it is so, and that we 
 don't have a Mont Pelee again. One peak (3,000 feet 
 high) is called Green Mountain, and it was beginning 
 to justify its name. A winding road known as the ' Ramp ' 
 led up it, and from the summit one got a panoramic view 
 of the island and its volcanoes, the latter very clearly 
 defined. One named the ' Riding School ' was a remark- 
 ably good specimen. Trees and vegetation have been 
 induced to grow, such as the Bermuda Cedar, Pride of 
 India, Hibiscus, Eucalyptus, Banana and others, and the 
 farm, under the fostering care of the bailiff, produces 
 fruit and vegetables. Some headway has been made with 
 pasturage, and we found sheep there. Of course the great 
 need is water. Some is obtained from sea fogs. The 
 moisture being collected, drips and runs into tanks ; also 
 there is a dew pond. In short, I am convinced that the 
 ingenuity and perseverance of man is going to transform 
 the Green Mountain into a fertile proposition in time.
 
 THE EXPRESS 195 
 
 Birds, too, have been introduced, such as the Mynah, 
 Guinea Fowl and Red-legged Partridge. On the plains 
 were a few wild donkeys, the descendants of domesticated 
 animals that had escaped captivity. 
 
 A very interesting spectacle is afforded in a valley 
 named ' Wide-awake Fair,' whither countless thousands 
 of terns, or sea-swallows, repair for the nesting season. 
 The eggs are quite good, and by clearing a space of 
 ground they can always be obtained fresh. 
 
 The green turtle also helps to vary the diet. They 
 visit the island to lay eggs, and a considerable number are 
 captured and put into a pond. Landing is difficult, and 
 very often one has to be hoisted ' On Board ' by a crane. 
 On leaving we were supplied with some turtle, but the 
 men would not eat them, so I handed one over to the 
 Governor of Sierra Leone, much to his satisfaction and to 
 my benefit. 
 
 At Accra we found urgent orders to push on to the 
 Niger to join the senior officer, who we found in the 
 Royalist, with the Racer. The natives had burned and 
 plundered a factory at Pagani, about 100 miles up the 
 river, and the traders had appealed for help. This was 
 sent them in the form of a punitive expedition embarked 
 in two of the company's steamers. In obedience to orders 
 I despatched a small reinforcement under the Sub, and in 
 a few days the force returned, having accomplished its 
 object and given the natives a salutary lesson by burning 
 several villages and shooting many of the implicated men. 
 Thus the murder of two traders was avenged, as was 
 necessary, for these people only understand this form of 
 argument. It was a rather onesided affair, but they asked 
 for it, and got it. Reprisals are the only methods by 
 which such crimes can be brought home. 
 
 As our engine was disabled by a fractured connecting 
 rod, the senior officer ordered the Racer to tow us to 
 Elmina, whence we were to write home for a new one. 
 Now there was a telegraph station at Accra, and accord- 
 ingly I went to call on the S.O., but he was down with' 
 fever and could not (or would not) see me. The ,next 
 best thing was to confide in the Captain of the Racer . 
 He fully sympathized with me, and as we were passing 
 through the roadstead of Accra, by some extraordinary 
 fatality the towing hawser carried away, and we had to 
 anchor. Fullerton decided to leave us there, and I 
 immediately wired our trouble to the Admiralty. In six
 
 196 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 weeks' time we had the new rod, that otherwise would not 
 have arrived for three months. During this time I stayed 
 at the Castle. 
 
 When ready we took the Governor along the coast to 
 hold palavers ; this enabled us to get some shooting. On 
 one of these expeditions we came across a German officer, 
 who did not account at all satisfactorily for his presence, 
 merely stating that he was out for sport, faute de mieux. 
 We had to accept his pretext, but we knew a spy was in 
 our midst. A perfect specimen of a Junker, he was 
 assertive and arrogant, especially as to his physical 
 qualities, but we had a dark horse in one of our Subs, who 
 defeated him in various trials of strength, much to our 
 delight, after which the German somewhat took a back 
 seat. 
 
 On return to Accra I received a telegram from the 
 Admiralty ordering us to Bermuda. It was obviously 
 a mistake, so I wired and asked for confirmation. It 
 came in the form of ' Proceed to Plymouth, England.' A 
 hearty sigh of relief went up, and the early days of July, 
 1887, saw us in sight of St. Vincent steaming against 
 a stiff breeze and a head sea. The little craft was 
 pitching very heavily, and I got uneasy with regard to 
 the unusual noise made by the screw. On arrival the 
 diver was sent down, but reported everything normal. As 
 will be seen later, there must have been some injury. 
 
 St. Vincent is a large Ascension. There is a tele- 
 graph station of some importance with a large staff, and 
 they have a great reputation as cricketers, the pitch being 
 on mats laid on the cinder. One of the mountains to 
 the Westward of the anchorage has a remarkable profile, 
 which is stated by enthusiastic Americans to resemble 
 George Washington ; perhaps it does, but I never saw 
 the gentleman. When I visited the Consul, he handed 
 me a telegram announcing my promotion to Commander. 
 As I was 150 from the top of the list it was rather 
 a congratulatory matter. The Sub was promoted too, 
 and we held a celebration that evening. 
 
 But we were not to depart with only pleasurable 
 sensations, for an untoward incident occurred. As the 
 ship was coaled by natives the men had been granted 
 leave until four o'clock, an hour before sailing. At that 
 hour all but two had returned, and I sent a message to 
 the Consul to hurry them up. This he did by sending
 
 THE EXPRESS 197 
 
 them off with an escort of five Portuguese policemen. 
 On the arrival of the boat within hailing distance, the two 
 4 prisoners ' rose on the escort and threw them all into 
 the water, and made the boatmen pull alongside. One of 
 our boats was able to salve all the jettisoned cargo and 
 bring it on board in a very disgruntled condition. There 
 was only one thing to be done, so after making prisoners 
 of the offenders I went to the Consul and together we 
 sought the Governor, who we found in a towering rage. 
 I think that the ignominy of five Portuguese being thrown 
 overboard by two English Was greater than he could 
 bear. 
 
 At first he would not hear of any compromise. He 
 had telegraphed to Lisbon, and it would probably become 
 an international affair, and a lot of hot air of that sort. 
 We listened to it with our tongues in our cheeks. When 
 he had blown off steam and begun to simmer down, I 
 explained to him that the men were noted athletes, sort of 
 world champions, who could easily handle half a dozen 
 men of any nationality at a time. Finally he relented on 
 condition that I sent down a diver to recover the police- 
 men's swords, lost in their involuntary baths. These terms 
 sounded easy enough. Fortune proved our friend, and 
 we found them almost at once and sent the policemen 
 clothed and in their right minds on shore, each one with 
 a little douceur in his pocket, enough to make them wish 
 for the recurrence of such an episode. I parted on the 
 best terms with His Excellency, who promised to send a 
 telegram squashing the previous one, which in my belief 
 he had never sent at all. Thus ended a contretemps that 
 might have had unpleasant consequences, especially for the 
 men, whom I did not want to punish for a foolish freak, 
 for they were both excellent fellows with unstained records. 
 I kept them in suspense for some time and then dismissed 
 them with a severe reprimand. As Pope says, <4 To err 
 is human, to forgive is divine," and I remembered the 
 Admiral's remark with reference to my own escapade 
 at Malta. 
 
 The following morning we weighed under sail and 
 stood across the N.E. trade, until we reached the horse 
 latitudes. Here the wind came from the N.W., and 
 we shaped course for the English Channel in the best 
 of spirits and with great expectation of a favourable 
 passage, only to be doomed to disappointment, for the 
 breeze barely lasted for a few hours, and a stark calm
 
 198 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 set in. Steam was promptly raised, and we started, but 
 it was soon apparent to the veriest tyro that something 
 was very wrong with the works. The engineer arrived, 
 pale with emotion, and said that if we did not stop we 
 should be tearing out the bottom or something equally 
 undesirable. I looked at the machinery, and although 
 not a specialist or a born mechanic, could see that it was 
 protesting in a very marked manner. We stopped and 
 raised the screw ; it was a stark calm, as I have said, so 
 a boat was lowered', and 1 I got into it (having first arrayed 
 myself in bathing costume), and we hauled under the 
 counter, whence a short dive took mfe down to the screw 
 well where I could see and feel the bearings. My worst 
 fears were confirmed, for the cheese -coupling of the fore- 
 most bearing was fractured and several inches out of the 
 true. It was now quite clear why the screw would not 
 revolve properly and what had brought such an enormous 
 strain on the engines. I had a strong suspicion that the 
 accident had occurred while we were steaming into St. 
 Vincent, that it had held for a time and dropped when 
 we raised the screw, and that our diver could not have 
 detected it. Having left under sail we could only discover 
 it when we started to steam. There was nothing to be 
 done but grin and bear it and become a sailing ship 
 pure and simple, so we got the screw inboard and filled 
 up the well with a wooden partition, square rigged the 
 mainmast with spare yards and sails, and made a barque 
 of her. Then we sat down and whistled for a breeze. 
 It tried our patience, for the calm lasted for a fortnight, 
 during which we only moved a few miles, although we 
 trimmed sails to every light air that came along. I began 
 to think of the Ancient Mariner, the Flying Dutchman, 
 and all the other worthies who had had a curse laid on 
 them, and wondered what we had done to deserve it, or 
 who the Jonah could be. It was intensely irritating to 
 be surrounded by empty tins and other oddments that 
 we had thrown overboard days previously. They seemed 
 to mock us and tell us that it was no use trying to get 
 away. We caught Albacore, and we caught Sharks, and' 
 just as we were catching a bad attack of blues the brave 
 N.W. wind came along again, and this time held until we 
 got out of this trying region of calm. 
 
 I have sometimes wondered whether we could have 
 emulated the Scotch Engineers and their tolerant Skippers, 
 whom our maritime romancers write about, by trimming
 
 THE EXPRESS 199 
 
 down the gunboat until the screw was out of the water 
 and Sandy McTavish or Jock Macandrew got to work 
 on it, with the result that the craft 'limped into Port.' 
 But from its state, when we got into dry dock at Plymouth, 
 I don't think that any of those super-engineers would 
 have managed to make the thing go ; their verdict must 
 have been ' Nothin' doinV What would the author have 
 done then? 
 
 The wind drew aft, and with studding sails set we 
 were soon going over ten knots. As long as I was on 
 deck we used to ' Carry On,' and it was just as com- 
 fortable there with a chair, a pipe and a book, as in the 
 cabin, but at night there was a tendency to take off the 
 rags. It was better to err on the side of caution, so 
 I lay low and waited for the morning, and then piled 
 them on again. During this time we were ' Six upon 
 Four ' ; that is^to say that in order to avoid running 
 out of provisions only four rations were issued to six 
 men, the savings in money value being credited to 
 them. 
 
 We arrived in soundings, and then the wind fell light 
 and hauled to the Eastward. For nearly a week we beat 
 against it. I wanted to take the ship into Plymouth, 
 but our luck was out, and it was evident that all hands 
 were sighing for Home and Beauty. So one morning 
 I announced that if the wind did not come fair by 8 p.m. 
 we would up helm for Queenstown. About that hour 
 I stood on the bridge, watch in hand, and as the bell 
 struck eight gave the order to up helm ; the hands had 
 not waited to be called ; they were all there, and the 
 yards rounded in like magic. Next morning we were 
 standing into Cork -Harbour replying to inquisitive demands 
 from the signal station at Roches Point. Our delay had 
 made even the Admiralty wonder what had happened. 
 The papers were, of course, full of horrible 'surmises, 
 which were not calculated to make our friends and 
 relations very happy. It had not been a bad passage, 
 although 'it lasted for forty-two days, for fourteen ot them 
 were calm and seven more light head winds. During the 
 voyage I wiled away the time by playing picquet with the 
 Assistant-Paymaster, the stakes being that the loser was 
 to stand a dinner on arrival, the winner to order it. I 
 had won by a narrow margin, so after reporting myself 
 to the Admiral and despatching a whole sheaf of telegrams, 
 I went to the hotel and ordered the best meal that they,
 
 200 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 could provide, and the best of bubbly. I have always been 
 a bit of an Epicure, and did full justice to my talent in 
 that way. The result so satisfied my friend that he did 
 not flinch from a rather exorbitant bill. We followed 
 it up by a trip to Cork the next day, where we engaged 
 an outside car to take us to Blarney. The weather was 
 superb, and we were lucky enough to hit on a typical 
 Jarvey who kept us amused with his anecdotes and droll 
 wit. On paying him off I gave him a good tip and! 
 said, " There is something for a mass or two ; I suppose 
 you are a good Catholic? " 
 
 " 'Deed, I am," he replied. " And your Honour is a 
 Protestant, I do be thinking? " 
 
 " Yes," I returned. " And I suppose you think we'll 
 all be going to Hell some fine day? " 
 
 " Sure, and I hope so," with a knowing grin, " or else 
 the Priests do be tellin' us a parcel of lies." 
 
 On return to Queenstown a bundle of telegrams awaited 
 me, one of which gave me more satisfaction than the rest, 
 for it came from my fiancee. Three days afterwards 
 a ship that had been engaged in the manceuvres came 
 into harbour, and by order of the Admiralty towed us to 
 Plymouth, where we went into the Hamoaze and paid 
 off in August, 1887. Wihen I reported myself at 
 Admiralty House, the Secretary to Admiral Lord John 
 Hay handed me my commission as Commander, and 
 the following day I sported the gold hat with great 
 pride. 
 
 My future wife arrived in a day or two to stay with 
 some friends, and has since told me that she could hardly, 
 recognize me. I was as black as a coal, thin and shivery. 
 The fact was I was seriously debilitated by many 
 attacks of malarial fever, that have left me a legacy of 
 sciatica. 
 
 This tour of foreign service was the most disagreeable 
 of my whole career. In Africa death follows disease with 
 appalling rapidity. I have known a man eat a hearty 
 breakfast, in good health and spirits, and then be stricken 
 down during the day and buried the same evening I Some 
 ships were lucky and got to the Cape, but we never did. 
 Periodically the Wye, a storeship, came out, and then] 
 there was an assemblage of ships, and we met, dined', 
 growled, and parted until the next time. The life drove- 
 a good many to drink, for there was not even the excite- 
 ment of hunting slavers that our predecessors had. No
 
 THE EXPRESS 201 
 
 ship should have been kept on this detestable station 
 longer than a year, and they should have been specially; 
 built and fitted for river work. 
 
 A couple of months after my arrival home, during! 
 which time I put on weight and regained my health, 
 Miss Elliot and I were married at St. George's, Wilton, 
 Somersetshire, on October 24, 1887.
 
 CHAPTER XIV 
 
 THE NORTHAMPTON 
 
 All great events may be compared to milestones on life's road. 
 They pass, preserved by memory ; rich gift by God bestow'd. 
 A word, a glance, will strike a chord on the subconscious mind, 
 It swells, enacts the scene again, then fades once more enshrined. 
 
 As announced, I became a Benedict soon after my 
 arrival home. My wife is a member of an old Border 
 family from the neighbourhood of the Tweed, and her 
 branch emigrated to Wilton, near Taunton, in Somerset- 
 shire. Her father, a man of independent means, married 
 a Miss Norman, whose family lived close by. He 
 occupied himself with literary pursuits, and, in addition, 
 was an amateur artist of no mean pretension, being one 
 of the few ever elected an honorary member of the Royal 
 Academy. On his death Mrs. Elliot disposed of the 
 property, and moved to Southsea, where I met my future 
 wife. Possessed of much personal charm, and some good 
 looks, she was a universal favourite with all who knew 
 her, and had also some celebrity for her extraordinary 
 wealth of hair, which was of a bronze tint, and when 
 let down touched the ground. When we were in Paris 
 I overheard some French people discussing it ; they said 
 that she could not be British with such a magnificent 
 chevelure. She had two sisters and one brother ; the 
 eldest sister was dead and the younger married to 
 C. Stuart Erskine. Our wedding was a quiet one, and 
 her brother gave her away ; my eldest brother acted 
 as best man, and myi parson brother as chief performer of 
 the ceremony. We went to Bath for the honeymoon. 
 Of course I was very proud of being a Commander, 
 but I gave up announcing myself as such after being 
 shown into a room full of people by a maid as ' The 
 Commandment and Mrs. Fleet ! ' After that I fell back 
 upon the courtesy title of Captain. 
 
 202
 
 THE NORTHAMPTON 203 
 
 Marriage is the great adventure of our lives, and 
 I always say that an engaged pair should live in the same 
 house for some time, and then they will be able to study 
 each other's little ways, such as behaviour at breakfast. 
 Marriage is the milestone from which we date all events, 
 the milliarium from which all the others radiate. How 
 often we hear ' That was the year we married,' or ' That 
 was before we married.' It is with heartfelt thankfulness 
 that I am able to say that my married life has been one 
 of continued happiness, most of which I owe to the 
 partner of my joys and sorrows, the former many, the 
 latter few, indeed negligible but for our irreparable grief 
 when our gallant lad fell fighting for King and Country. 
 He was our only child, the best of sons, and would 
 have gone far in his profession, for he had the true 
 spirit of the regiment, and had already won the Military 
 Cross and been twice mentioned in dispatches. Having 
 passed through Woolwich, he served for some time at 
 home, and then joined a battery, goth R.F.A. in India, 
 where he was when war broke out. Thence he was 
 transferred as a subaltern to M battery, R.H.A., being 
 next transferred as Captain of S battery, R.H.A. in 
 Mesopotamia. His next step was to command B battery, 
 56th Brigade, R.F.A. ; he took it to France, and on 
 the i oth of September, 1918, the same shell killed him 
 and two of his men near Moeuvre. Thus fell our gallant 
 son, in whom we lost a dear companion. Some may 
 wonder that he did not join the Navy. He did go 
 up for it, but had sustained a severe accident just before 
 and the medical examiners rejected him, but he had quite 
 recovered when he went up for Woolwich. Only those 
 who have experienced a similar loss (alas ! they are so 
 many) can realize the terrible grief caused by such a 
 bereavement in one's old age. 
 
 My first service was a half-pay course of gunnery 
 and torpedo. We attended in mufti, and, of course, felt 
 justified in taking an overslaugh if inclined. As Captains 
 and Commanders we got a little more deference, but 
 still there was the feeling that we were what the men 
 call neither ' Dog's body nor Peasoup.' I overheard a 
 Sub allude to us once as a lot of old Half -Pays. I called 
 him up, and while requesting him to modulate his tones, 
 pointed out to him that at all events we had reached 
 a rank to which, it was possible he might not attain. Had 
 we been in uniform the remark could not have been made.
 
 204 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 We lived in rooms in Southsea, and we both found 
 many of our old friends still to the fore. The course 
 finished, we packed up and went abroad. We travelled 
 via Harwich to Antwerp, and stopped for a week at the 
 St. Antoine. The steamer by which we crossed seemed 
 crowded by bagmen who, in the smoking-room, were very 
 curious to know for what firm I was travelling ; their 
 curiosity remains unsatisfied to this day. At Antwerp, 
 while attending service in the Cathedral, I was astonished 
 by the behaviour of the tourists who swarmed, guide- 
 book in hand, chattering at the top of their voices. It 
 made me speculate how these people would have relished 
 an invasion, accompanied by like behaviour, in their own 
 places of worship. 
 
 We left for Brussels, and stayed in the Avenue 
 Louise ; an exhibition was being held, and it was a 
 very pleasant place to spend a few hours in, although 
 it did not differ from any of the same sort of show. 
 iWe found the restaurants absurdly cheap, and the cuisine 
 excellent, and made our first experiment with frogs' legs 
 and snails, and had it not been for prejudice, would 
 have acknowledged them to be delicacies. It has been 
 said that before going tO; Paris, Brussels should be visited, 
 and I quite endorse that. 
 
 Naturally, we paid a visit to Waterloo. I had a 
 fairly good knowledge of the battle and its details, so 
 went fully primed and ready to act as Cicerone to my 
 wife, but we were joined by a retired General and his 
 daughter, who accompanied us over the field ; my natural 
 modesty prevailed, and I left the descriptive part to him 
 with a confidence that was not misplaced. Waterloo 
 created some peculiar impressions. To .stand on the ridge 
 and look Southwards enabled one to visualize the whole 
 battle, and thereby realize the splendid judgment of the 
 man who selected it for a last stand as the spot where 
 the crown was to be placed on his professional reputa- 
 tion or his fame tarnished for ever. On a ridge 
 Wellington sat upon his charger, Copenhagen. Across 
 the intervening valley, on another ridge, sat Bonaparte 
 on his charger, Marengo. It seemed to me that with a 
 good megaphone they could have conversed. 
 
 I attempted, as I suppose most people have^ to walk 
 up the mound without stopping, but failed ignominiously, 
 and had to sit down for a breather, much to the amuse- 
 ment of the ladies, who had been watching me with
 
 THE NORTHAMPTON 205 
 
 interest. We left, animated by the glorious deeds of our 
 soldiers, who don't always get due credit for their 
 services. Witness the Spanish historian, who states that 
 the Spaniards cleared the French out of their country 
 during the Peninsular War, assisted by a few mercenary 
 British under one Wellington. Thank Heaven it is 
 not the fashion for us to blow our own trumpets, , but 
 there are occasions when we might do so without loss of 
 caste. 
 
 We then visited Bonn and put up in a Pension kept 
 by an English woman with German habits and cuisine. 
 We soon discovered there was an air of arrogant 
 officialdom everywhere, and the average German delighted 
 in, being as obnoxious as possible, especially to foreigners ; 
 I know now that it was Kultur. We made the acquaint- 
 ance of an officer of one of the regiments, and he invited 
 us to visit his barracks ; the day was fixed, but on 
 the morning of it he told us that his Colonel would not 
 allow foreigners to inspect them, especially as one was 
 an English Officer. We were not very disappointed, and 
 I think the young man had the grace to feel rather 
 ashamed of his senior officer's lack of courtesy. 
 
 We trained to Cologne and inspected the famous 
 Cathedral, and came back by boat. The German 
 railways did not strike me as being very first rate either 
 as regards construction or accommodation ; we bumped 
 and jolted the whole way, besides being dragooned by 
 officials. When we passed through a station without 
 stopping, there stood the stationmaster in a military 
 costume, rigid and important, gravely saluting the train 
 as it rattled past ; perhaps a ' Highly -Born ' might be 
 on board. 
 
 We took the train to Mainz and, coming back, got 
 out at Assmannshausen, where we had lunch and drank 
 some of the excellent wine of that name, a red hock, of 
 which there was a good brand at Bonn. It is not the 
 wine that one complains of in Germany, but the food, 
 and the course way of cooking it. Embarking again, 
 we passed the huge statue of Germania, through the 
 bridge of boats at Coblenz, and returned by the Lorelei 
 and Ehrenbreitstein. As long as the Germans keep to 
 the right bank they are welcome to it. 
 
 Bonn possesses a unique ferry composed of a number 
 of stout boats made fast astern of each other ; the current 
 always runs down, and the headmost boat is strongly
 
 206 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 moored in the centre of the river, the remainder tailing 
 astern of it. By putting the helm of the sternimost boat 
 ' Hard Over,' the line of boats is swung in to the bank, 
 the passengers embark, the helm is shifted, and the 
 current swings the lot over to the other side. 
 
 We quitted Germany without regret, and never had 
 the slightest wish to revisit that land of gross, fat, over- 
 fed people. And yet it has produced men foremost in 
 the ranks of science, Explorers, Inventors, and Authors, 
 although many of the last have prostituted their brains 
 by the theories and exhortations they have let loose on the 
 world. Neither must we forget the undoubted musical 
 prominence of these people, and it seems incredible that 
 a nation that produced Wagner, Beethoven, Weber, Liszt 
 and others should have sunk to such degrading acts as it 
 did in the Great War. But some men of science seem to 
 have a different mentality from the common horde, other- 
 wise we should not have had the extraordinary manifesto 
 on the part of some of ours who lately indicated a desire 
 to ' Shake hands and forget the whole beastly Business.' 
 It was gratifying to know that the great majority of 
 our professors did not associate themselves with such 
 unnecessary altruism. 
 
 In Paris we put up at the Hotel Hausmann in the 
 avenue of that name ; I believe it has since been changed. 
 It had been recommended by a young Frenchman whom' 
 we met at Brussels, and it fully justified his recommenda- 
 tion. We found only two other English people in 
 residence, but the French visitors were most sympathetic. 
 Our quarters were a complete suite, very comfortable 
 and clean. The hotel surrounded a courtyard containing 
 a fountain and plants, and was an enjoyable place to 
 sit out in. The food was a delightful change after our 
 German experience. 
 
 I bought a Baedeker, and with its help we did Paris 
 very thoroughly. Everybody knows the city, and I am 
 not going to inflict our experiences on my readers. Of 
 course, as a Britisher, it comes next to our dingy old 
 London in my humble opinion, so I shall content myself 
 by remarking that each possesses good points that might 
 be copied with advantage by the other, and leave my, 
 readers to decide what they are. Anyway, they will 
 agree with me that it is a fascinating place to visit, and 
 that the temperament of its inhabitants is gayer and 
 brighter than ours ; it seems to infect you, and one
 
 THE NORTHAMPTON 207 
 
 suffers a corresponding drop on reaching the familiar 
 and homelike dinginess of London. 
 
 We stayed in London for a time and then moved 
 down to Blackheath in order to be near the Royal Naval 
 College at Greenwich, where I joined for a course on 
 October i, 1888, that lasted until the end of June, 1889. 
 I took the opportunity of rubbing up my navigation, 
 and attended some lectures on steam and naval history. 
 The latter subject has always possessed considerable 
 interest for me. A new field had been opened by the 
 works of Captain Alfred T. Mahan, of the United States 
 Navy, to whom the officers of the British Navy are 
 indebted for shedding a flood of light on the deeds of 
 their predecessors and the importance of Sea Power 
 The works of this gifted man are in my possession, and 
 have been very useful to me a|s a means of giving lectures 
 (in a small way) to men under my command. 
 
 Life at the college was very pleasant. Dances and 
 tennis parties helped to wile away the time, and a 
 theatrical party, of which my wife and I were members, 
 achieved the usual success bestowed by complacent friends 
 upon such efforts. 
 
 Then came the manoeuvres of 1889 and my appoint- 
 ment to the 'Northampton at Sheerness. This vessel was 
 classed as a Cruiser ; her chief armament was twelve 
 1 8 -ton guns of io-inch calibre of the old muzzle- 
 loading variety ; they looked like huge iron soda-water 
 bottles. She was heavily sparred and, of course, was 
 no good under canvas. Her speed trial was 13 knots, 
 a fiction. The complement was 560. Such was a Cruiser 
 of the transition stage. We received our crew in the 
 early morning, and left that afternoon, having first, in 
 the spirit of the age, and in order to prepare for battle, 
 crossed royal yards. It occurred to me at the time that 
 in the event of actual warfare our wire rigging and other 
 impedimenta would have very soon disabled our twin 
 screws. 
 
 Our destination was Spithead, where a fleet was 
 assembling for the double purpose of manoeuvres and the 
 reception of Kaiser Wilhelm. We arrived, and, having 
 picked up our billet, found plenty of interest in watching 
 the arrival of the others from all parts of the United 
 Kingdom. The only homogeneous unit was the Channel 
 Fleet, which consisted of the new Admiral class ; the 
 Camperdown bore the Admiral's flag. The remainder
 
 208 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 was a most heterogeneous lot. The Cruisers, as a body, 
 were more modern, although there were a few relics 
 among them, but in their case the yards had been very 
 wisely discarded and most of them at least looked capable 
 of speed. Four Admirals showed their flags in a fleet 
 comprising 130 pendants. Destroyers had not arrived 
 yet, but there were some Torpedo Catchers in the shape 
 of gunboats that proved to be failures. The armament 
 varied from the old muzzle-loader to the last word in 
 breech-loaders ; searchlights had arrived, and the torpedo 
 was improving daily. Altogether it made a brave show, 
 and was undoubtedly at that time the strongest example 
 possible of a Fleet in Being. It was the high-water 
 mark of the transition stage. 
 
 On the 9th of August, 1889, the German Emperor 
 arrived with nine ships of various types, but all had 
 discarded their yards and unnecessary top -hamper. It 
 was a glorious summer's day, and as the Germans 
 steamed slowly down our lines with their bands playing 
 and ships manned they made a good show. All eyes 
 were concentrated on the bridge of the leading ship, the 
 Friedrich der Grosse. On it stood two men /isolated 
 from the common herd), the Kaiser and Bismarck ; the 
 huge bulk of the latter dwarfed his Imperial Master and 
 almost reduced him to insignificance. 
 
 The pilot had not been dropped yet (as depicted by 
 Tenniel) ; that took place later, and, whatever the 
 Kaiser's real reason was, one can almost sympathize with 
 him for wishing to rid himself of such a dominating 
 personality, although he disclosed a mind capable of 
 jealousy and ingratitude. 
 
 Quite unconsciously, on the 9th of August, 1889, the 
 Kaiser laid the foundation of his downfall. The sight 
 of our powerful fleet (as it truly was for those days) 
 inflamed his ambition, and he determined toi build one 
 that, even if it did not equal ours, should go far toward 
 competing with it favourably. He forthwith embarked 
 upon a career of aggrandizement that was to terminate 
 on the i ith of November, 1918, fatally for himself. To 
 him, and the German nation, belongs the discredit of 
 the bloodiest war of history, that cost millions of lives, 
 convulsed the world, ruined the greater part of Europe, 
 and covered their flag with everlasting infamy. Such 
 crimes can never be forgotten. 
 
 A few days after this the British Fleet weighed and
 
 THE NORTHAMPTON 209 
 
 proceeded to sea, passing the Royal Yacht at St. Helens. 
 Several Royalties, including the Imperial guest were on 
 board the latter. It was blowing a hard summer gale, 
 and by the time we had all weighed, the tide had turned 
 and was running strongly to the Eastward in the teeth 
 of it. One or two mishaps occurred, one especially, to 
 the Black Prince. Before getting her anchor she drifted 
 alongside the next astern, the Invincible, with unfortunate 
 results, such as smashing boats and bringing down all 
 the light top -hamper. By the time we were all out the 
 weather cleared, the fleets got sorted out and departed 
 for their respective rendezvous. 
 
 The Kaiser I saw again under closer and more 
 favourable circumstances, once at Port Victoria, where 
 he embarked for Germany and I made one of a group 
 of officers assembled to do him honour, and again in 
 1900, when he took part in the funeral cortege of our 
 great Queen. On the first occasion we saw a pleasant, 
 ruddy-faced young man, who seemed thoroughly 
 impressed with his importance, yet carrying a certain 
 degree of affability. On the last there seemed more 
 hauteur and aloofness, due perhaps to age and the 
 solemnity of the occasion. The sense of the man's high 
 position undoubtedly impressed the casual spectator and 
 inspired awe. 
 
 The Northampton fell to a Blue Fleet, under that 
 energetic Admiral Sir George Tryon. Our destination 
 was Milford Haven, whence he took us about in his usual 
 masterful manner. The manoeuvres were more or less a 
 fog to most of us ; we were not taken into the confidence 
 of the Admiral, but simply lived in a nightmare of motion, 
 being whirled about from one position to another appar- 
 ently without cause, and certainly without effect, as the 
 results proved. We never saw our enemy, and so learned 
 nothing about tactics in battle, and the strategical moves 
 made by the respective Fleet Commanders were also lost 
 by reason of our being totally unacquainted with them, 
 and I doubt whether many of the Captains were taken 
 into the confidence of their respective Chiefs. We daily 
 lived in hopes of a fight, but it never materialized, and 
 the order to disperse and return to our respective ports 
 was received with unmixed satisfaction that the thing was 
 over. The outstanding incident in my memory is, that 
 a sudden dash from Milford to Kingstown was followed 
 by an equally sudden dash to the English Channel, the 
 
 14
 
 210 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 last dash being conducted in a thick fog, during which 
 the fleet passed close to the Wolf Rock, as the navigator 
 informed me the following morning. The navigator of 
 the flagship that led us in line ahead must have hadi 
 complete confidence in himself, evidently shared by those 
 that followed. But the main point is that the enemy 
 played the role of the Elusive Pimpernel on each occasion. 
 There seemed to be a rooted objection (during the 
 manoeuvres in which I participated) on the part of the 
 Chief on either side to take any chance of jeopardizing 
 his reputation by contact with the opposing fleet. It 
 seemed to me strenuously, avoided, and they appeared 
 oblivious of the fact that we were out for instructional 
 purposes and not for a game of ' follow my leader ' 
 or ' hide and seek.' It did not seem to be realized that 
 no great discredit was attachable to a weak fleet being 
 defeated by, a more powerful one provided that the defeat 
 was not the result of incompetence. As it was, one could 
 not avoid a comparison to Thomas Winterbottom Hance 
 and Monsieur Pierre of Gilbert's Bab Ballads. 
 
 Thus we never profited by these alarums and excur- 
 sions, but the cruisers got a great deal of exercise (this 
 was before the introduction of wireless), for they were 
 always on the move, no sooner in than off again, while 
 the battleships were trailed about like pet dogs on a 
 lead, very much to the bewilderment of us all. 
 
 It was the same in 1890, when, by taking advan- 
 tage of a weakly constructed scheme, the fleet to which 
 the Northampton belonged steamed away into the broad 
 Atlantic and hid until it was time to return for the close 
 of the manoeuvres. The others might just as well have 
 hunted for the Snark. We went somewhere off the 
 Azores, where we waited for a day or so, filling up the 
 time by coaling at sea, and then started back at the 
 psychological moment. The above experiment, coupled 
 with ' Down lower yards and Topmasts,' was all we got 
 out of those tactics. .We all felt that it was a wicked 
 waste of time, money and temper. 
 
 We returned to Sheerness, where the Northampton 
 was guardship, and paid-off ; before doing so I received 
 an offer from the Admiralty to remain on as Commander 
 in Command, with the information that she was to 
 commission with a nucleus crew. Of course I accepted., 
 for my turn for a sea-going ship had not arrived, and 
 anything was better than half-pay.
 
 THE NORTHAMPTON 211 
 
 I remained in command (except during the 
 manoeuvres, when we shipped a Captain and a full crew) 
 until June, 1891. My, wife and our boy joined me, 
 and we took a house on the front. The boy had been 
 born at Blackheath on the 26th of November, 1888 ; he 
 was christened in the chapel of the Naval College and 
 given the name of Aylmer Louis Elliot Fleet. 
 
 Sheerness (known as Sheernasty) was a very happy 
 period for us. It has been much decried as a station, 
 but, in my opinion, undeservedly. A place is very much 
 what you make it, and the Services made it very rjleasant. 
 We had plenty of dances, cricket, lawn -tennis and 
 hockey in their proper seasons, and, by the way of sport, 
 a clay pigeon club and some rough shooting in the 
 neighbourhood. During the severe winter of 1891 there 
 was a rare lot of wild duck and geese in the marshes, 
 and we had six weeks' skating. The coursing in the 
 Island of Sheppey was very good and gave one plenty 
 of exercise. 
 
 The Royal Artillery had a very comfortable mess, 
 and with their proverbial hospitality made us most 
 welcome. Whist was the card game in those days, and 
 many a rubber I played with the R.A. and in the Naval 
 Barracks. All this, with six weeks' annual leave, which 
 we spent in London, made the time fly. June, 1891, 
 found the ship in dock at Chatham being overhauled 
 for the manoeuvres, and one morning I received a 
 telegram from the Admiralty offering me command of 
 the Tartar, to which I replied accepting. The Admiral 
 Superintendent, hearing of it, sent for me and told me 
 I might go home on leave while the Northampton 
 was in dock. 
 
 In 1889 I became a member of the United Service 
 Club, popularly known as the Senior. At that time no 
 officer under the rank of Commander or Field-Officer 
 was eligible, and no guests were admitted ; the latter 
 regulation was sometimes convenient if you wanted to 
 get rid of a bore. There was a great air of solemnity, 
 and, to some extent, of rank too. The Lords of 
 the Admiralty always lunched at a certain table, and 
 having once inadvertently taken a seat at it, I was 
 warned by a horrified waiter of this. To him I replied 
 that it was quite good enough for m'e too, but I think 
 that I hurried over my meal so as not to get caught. 
 But it was, and still is, the best club of its kind in
 
 212 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 London ; indeed, I believe it to be the best of any. 
 Over one hundred years ago it was founded by the Iron 
 Duke, and it possesses great attractions and traditions. 
 It contains some handsome pictures by famous artists, 
 busts, and other relics of distinguished officers who were 
 members. The drawing-room is remarkably fine, as is 
 the smoking-room, immediately below, and the addition 
 of the neighbouring premises with forty bedrooms has 
 made it still more popular. The restriction as to entry 
 has been removed, and junior officers of the combatant 
 branch are now admitted. I often wonder what some 
 of the old members would say to the innovations, 
 especially to the introduction of waitresses. The latest 
 is the admission of ladies to lunch, tea or dinner in rooms 
 reserved for that purpose. We are now quite up to 
 date. 
 
 In 1887 I joined the 'Royal Naval Club of 1765.' 
 This club is essentially a dining club, and has no 
 premises. The dinners are held on anniversaries of 
 important naval victories ; no officer below the rank of 
 Commander is eligible. The president, who is selected 
 by the Committee, invites a guest as the guest of the club 
 for that evening. In 1889 the club united with the ' Navy 
 Club ' (Thatched House), held on similar lines, taking 
 the title of 'The Royal Navy Club of 1765 and 1785.' 
 The records of both clubs have been preserved, and con- 
 tain some interesting items, with a long list of distin- 
 guished officers who were members, among them Lord 
 Nelson. When I joined we dined at Willis* Rooms, 
 moving later to the Whitehall Rooms, Hotel Metropole. 
 The club funds are in a most flourishing state. The 
 annual credit balance, amounting to several hundreds of 
 pounds accruing from income on investments, is annually 
 donated to Naval Charity. It is a good institution to 
 belong to in every way.
 
 Isles of the West, Legend and Quest, Pirate and bold Buccaneer. 
 Rich fruits and food ; sometimes too good ; landcrab and iced bitter 
 
 beer ! 
 Breakers that crash, palm trees that smash, smote by the sturdy 
 
 sea breeze. 
 Tropical night, just sheer delight, days when we wish it would freeze ! 
 
 A\ r E commissioned the Tartar on June 30, 1891, and I 
 commenced a new phase of naval life. Farewell to yards 
 and sails, farewell to the muzzle-loading gun. A sailing 
 ship undoubtedly possessed charm, but the warships of 
 modern days had ousted them, even as motors have the 
 elegant victoria or classic barouche. What would have 
 been thought of the earlier motorists if they had towed 
 a lorry containing a pair of horses in case of a break- 
 down! Going from the Northampton to the Tartar was 
 like going from a hay waggon to a handy little two- 
 seater. 
 
 The ship possessed a very serviceable battery of 
 6-inch B.L. guns, with a good secondary battery. Of 
 .1,770 tons, and classed as a third-class cruiser, her three 
 pole masts, figurehead, scroll work on the bow, and fine 
 lines combined to give her a very graceful appearance. 
 Two of the 6 -inch were mounted on the forecastle and 
 two on the poop, which made her roll abnormally at 
 times. It was a heavy armament for so small a ship, 
 but we should have been glad of it in war-time. There 
 were three torpedo tubes. Her nominal speed was 17 
 knots, and she carried a crew of 176. 
 
 The usual well-ordered hustle and bustle of com- 
 missioning ensued, and I soon found that officers and 
 men were of a high type. We completed and got away, 
 joining a fleet assembling in the Downs for the 1891 
 manoeuvres. Vice -Admiral Sir Michael Culme Seymour 
 was in supreme command, and the manoeuvres consisted 
 
 213
 
 214 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 chiefly in steam tactics, at whiclt game we were detached 
 to play by ourselves with three other small ships, while 
 the others gambolled in the distance ; we were a sort 
 of quadrille party. We worked up the East Coast during 
 these performances, usually anchoring for the night, and 
 thus spent a pleasant week-end at Scarborough. The 
 Admiral's point d'appai was St. Helens (he was a golfer), 
 but as we were steaming into the anchorage our ship 
 had an engine-room mishap, and the Admiral sent us 
 to Leith for repairs that detained us a whole week, so 
 we got no golf, but enjoyed the historic city of 
 Edinburgh. This visit also gave me an opportunity of 
 hunting up an Aunt of mine (on the Faithful side), the 
 widow of a Doctor Begg, at one time a celebrated 
 Moderator of the Presbyterian Church. A somewhat 
 awesome experience in real life, he had been defunct 
 for some time, and I think the family had recovered 
 from the shock. One of my cousins, F. Begg, repre- 
 sented West Glasgow in the House of Commons for 
 some years. 
 
 This well-known city need not be described. It is 
 one of the gems of the Empire. Not many capitals have 
 so much beauty, tradition and legend combined. I am 
 reminded of a Scot's first visit to our English capital. 
 It was told me by the Adjutant of a Highland regiment. 
 On its arrival at Aldershot, the Pipe-Major paid his first 
 visit to London ; it was a November day, and there was 
 a typical fog on. On the following day the Adjutant 
 asked him what he thought of London. He replied, 
 " Eh, Sir, it's a fine broad toun, but awfie dark." 
 
 At the Theatre Royal I found my old favourite, Black- 
 eyed Susan, being played, and went to see it. Alas, it had 
 been revised and sadly altered ; all the old favourite airs 
 had been supplanted ; the words were the same, but some- 
 how they sounded different. During my return to Leith 
 on the top of a tram, we were rammed/ by an empty brake 
 and pair, driven by a drunken driver returning from a 
 beanfeast ; he evidently thought the tram ought to get 
 out of his way, but it didn't, much to the detriment of the 
 brake. When we got under way again the conductor 
 came on top and began taking names and addresses, so 
 as to have witnesses in the event of proceedings being 
 taken. Notebook in hand, he attacked me. " Name? " 
 he abruptly demanded. Not overpleased with his manner, 
 or with the idea of being summoned as a witness, I
 
 THE TARTAR 215 
 
 replied, " My name is Norval, on the Grampian Hills 
 my father feeds his flocks." He jotted down something, 
 and then said, " Look here, we don't want to know what 
 your father does ; only your name and address." Very 
 astonished, I waited. " Surname? " he asked. " Norval," 
 I replied. " Christian name? " I thought Algernon 
 would do, and said so. " Address? " was his final 
 question, to which I replied, " Grampian Hills." He 
 went away without even asking for the number. .When 
 he had gone down, a man (evidently a Cockney) turned 
 toward me with a grin, and said, " I've 'card that name 
 afore, Guv 'nor." That's all right, I thought, but evidently 
 the Conductor has not. I wonder what happened when 
 he handed in his list. 
 
 Moubray, our Navigating Lieutenant, invited some of 
 us to the family seat of Otterston, at Aberdour, in Fife. 
 On the way we crossed over the Firth by the stupendous 
 bridge, and the most prophetic among us little dreamed 
 that we were looking down on the future site of the 
 Royal Dockyard of Rosyth, destined to play such an 
 important part in the Great War. 
 
 Otterston is a fine old place with an historic associa- 
 tion. The old tower, round which it has assembled, dates 
 from the Norman conquest. I naturally assumed that 
 such a place must be haunted, and at breakfast made the 
 inquiry of one of the family. " Oh yes," was the reply, 
 " we have a haunted room, and you slept in it ! " 
 
 Repairs having been made good we rejoined the 
 Admiral, and were detached on scouting duties in the 
 Channel, off the Royal Sovereign Lightship. We were 
 one of a chain of cruisers, and continuously patrolled 
 a section, preserving contact with cruisers on each side. 
 One night it was reported that a suspicious craft had 
 broken through. We pursued at full speed, making the 
 private signal, to which we got no reply. She disappeared 
 in the mist, so we returned to our station ; we never 
 discovered what this Flying Dutchman was, but I have 
 a shrewd suspicion, for we heard that our neighbour 
 had got off his beat and had been chased by a hostile 
 cruiser and escaped. 
 
 This recalls to me that in the previous manoeuvres 
 we (in the Northampton] found, by means of our search- 
 light, a cruiser under our guns one night. It was not 
 apparent whether she was a friend or foe, for we could 
 not get any response to the private signal. At last I
 
 216 
 
 induced the Captain to open fire, by pointing out that if 
 a friend it would do her no harm, and if an enemy we 
 could claim her as a prize, and earn kudos. We did so, 
 and at the conclusion of the manoeuvres she was awarded 
 to us. i 
 
 The manoeuvres over, the ships dispersed, and the 
 Channel Fleet proceeded to Spithead to receive the 
 French Fleet under Admiral Gervais ; we were included 
 to our content. This visit was a most enjoyable func- 
 tion, the main feature being a ball, given by the Mayor 
 of Portsmouth in the splendid Town Hall. Some 
 hundreds of guests attended, among them our future King 
 George V, who at that time was serving in the Excellent. 
 
 The French Admiral gave a big dejeuner on board 
 his flagship ; it was a choice affair, and it was evident 
 that his chef was no mean lartist. I was particularly, 
 struck by the magnificent service of china and plate, 
 all marked with an Imperial crown and the letter N. 
 I was told that it had been specially issued for the 
 occasion. 
 
 Then we said goodbye to 'Mike/ and returned to 
 Sheerness for a 'final refit 'before proceeding to our station, 
 the North Aimerican and West Indian. It had been a 
 pleasure to serve under this gallant and distinguished 
 officer. I had known him for some time, but not so 
 intimately. Of a pleasant and manly exterior, he was 
 also a good, just and firm officer, deservedly popular 
 with all ranks. One of his chief characteristics was his 
 voice, which was one of an agreeable timbre, and which 
 carried a long way. He was a member of a naval 
 family of repute. 
 
 Our final refit accomplished we left for our station 
 towards the end of October, 1891, and my wife and I 
 were parted for the first time. The separation was to 
 last for nine months, the longest period we ever 
 experienced. As a married man I was lucky in going 
 out to the old station again, but it was the cause of my 
 missing Australia, China and Japan. 
 
 The West Indies have always had a peculiar charm 
 for me, and the lines that stand at the head of this 
 chapter represent my humble efforts :to express my opinion 
 of them in a very concentrated form. 
 
 After leaving Sheerness we were hung up in the 
 Downs by a furious gale. Here our first accident 
 occurred ; a barque at anchor close by ranged along-
 
 THE TARTAR 217 
 
 side, and to save our boats we turned them in ; unfor- 
 tunately the slings of one slipped, and the boat fell on 
 the foot of a man, crushing it badly. He had to be 
 sent to hospital, so we signalled to the Coastguard, who 
 sent off some sturdy Deal boatmen to take him on shore. 
 It was most interesting to watch these men handle their 
 boat in the heavy sea running ; it reminded me of the 
 .West Coast. When we arrived at Plymouth we had 
 ample evidence of the havoc of the storm. Mount 
 Edgcumbe had been struck by a blizzard that had cut 
 a clean passage through the woods, as if intentionally 
 done by the hand of man. 
 
 .We soon left for Madeira en route to Bermuda, a few 
 months before the Serpent, a sister ship of the Tartar, 
 had been lost with all hands on Cape Finisterre, and I 
 heard afterwards that there had been a sort of superstition 
 that we would share her fate, but we did not even sight 
 the Cape. A day or two at Madeira, where we found 
 some pleasant compatriots at the hotel, enjoyed some 
 tobogganing, and laid in some wine, and we were off 
 again ' Westward Ho ' for Bermuda. Then followed 
 a tedious voyage of twelve days, not without advantage, 
 as it gave us an excellent opportunity to work up drills. 
 This was the longest trip during the commission, the 
 station being one of short distances. Long passages are 
 now, in these days of steam, things of the past, yet still 
 the idea seems to prevail that a warship wanders about 
 in a vague way, somewhere at sea. The fact being that 
 one of her chief purposes is to ' Show the Flag ' at places 
 where, very often, her presence is of the greatest 
 importance. 
 
 At Bermuda we found the Admiral, Sir George 
 Watson, his flagship the Bellerophon and several ships 
 belonging to the station. We were quite an innovation, 
 being the first ship entirely dependent on steam, also 
 we were the first arrivals with the alterations of the 
 uniform committee that, if it did nothing else, originated 
 uniformity and inter alia abolished the tunic, a garment 
 of excessive vulgarity. We felt rather superior. 
 
 Bermuda had now been discovered by the Americans, 
 but it had not become such a dumping -ground for their 
 trippers. The odd part connected with their discovery 
 is that they named it ' Stolen America,' which is a trifle 
 on the cool side, considering that it never belonged to 
 any one but the British.
 
 218 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 Bermuda was a cheerful and hospitable place. The 
 Navy and Army, the Residents, and many of the 
 Americans, formed a very agreeable society, and to 
 quote a somewhat hackneyed expression, ' Life was one 
 continual round of Amusement.' The ' Tartars ' were 
 in the thick of it very early, and when we took our 
 first departure for the South the' flagship had the band 
 up, and played us out to ' Where is now the Merry Party,' 
 quite a nice compliment. 
 
 In no service was the spirit of camaraderie more 
 in evidence than in the Navy. I speak in the past tense, 
 because as regards the present I have no experience, 
 but I have no reason to believe that it is different ; I 
 can't think it is. On the station in our time it was well 
 exemplified, and the result was happiness. But it must 
 nQt be supposed that we were merely. Hedonists ; the 
 term is only applicable to a minute fraction, and after 
 all they are to be found in every class. Naval officers 
 have the care and welfare of their men at heart first 
 and foremost, and in numerous ways they show, as a 
 body, charitable and liberal dispositions. 
 
 During this stay at Bermuda a court martial was 
 ordered on board the Bellerophon. <A naval court martial 
 is not an ordinary affair, and is always very ceremonious 
 and impressive. They are always conducted in a great 
 spirit of fairness, and if there is not too much law there 
 is plenty of common sense, and the prisoner gets the 
 benefit of the doubt. The sentence is promulgated at 
 the conclusion of the trial, and the Admiralty (acting 
 under the advice of the Judge Advocate of the Fleet), 
 has the power of modifying it. It says a good deal 
 for these courts that such modifications rarely occur. 
 The ship on \vhich the trial is to be held fires a gun 
 and displays the Union Flag at the peak. Shortly before 
 the allotted hour the members of the court arrive in 
 full dress. They are received by the Captain of the ship 
 and a guard of Marines. When the court has been sworn 
 in and the prisoner brought in by the Provost-Marshal, 
 it is open to the public. The prisoner is defended by 
 an officer ; if the prisoner is of the rank of officer his 
 sword is laid on the table, and when the sentence is 
 read, if he has been acquitted the hilt is turned towards 
 him, so that a glance tells which way the verdict has 
 gone. On acquittal the President returns the late prisoner 
 his sword.
 
 THE TARTAR 219 
 
 On the occasion referred to, we arrived on board and 
 found the Flag -Captain looking worried ; it transpired 
 that the prisoner had in some mysterious manner eluded 
 the vigilance of his guard and had vanished, meanwhile 
 the game of ' hide and seek ' was being carried on. 
 After about an hour's delay he was run to earth in the 
 boiler-room ; he had fled there and taken cover over 
 the boilers, but at last the heat drove him out. 
 
 Another court that I sat on, at Sheerness, had to 
 try a Lieutenant for disrespect to the Commander-in- 
 Command. He called the First -Lieu tenant as a witness 
 on his behalf. " Did the Captain treat me in conformance 
 with the Queen's Regulations and Admiralty Instructions, 
 which lay down that the Commanding Officer is to treat 
 his officers with firmness but consideration? " he asked. 
 The First -Lieu tenant fixed his eyes on the Commander 
 and replied, " I saw a good deal of firmness, but not 
 much consideration." The young fellow did not get off, 
 but we felt sorry for him, for the Commander had 
 a name for trying his officers, and bore a reputation 
 for ' firmness ' that he maintained for the rest of his 
 career. 
 
 When the Achilles collided with the Invincible in the 
 Mediterranean during tactics, at the subsequent court 
 martial the Captain of the former ship, Sir Algernon 
 Heneage, was asked what he would have done if he 
 had been in charge instead of the officer of the watch? 
 To which he made the cryptic reply, "If I had been 
 where I was not, I might have done what I did not 
 do ! " The court had to be satisfied with that. This 
 officer could not be bothered with learning more than 
 one chief engineer's name, so he always addressed them 
 by the name of the first one he had served with. Remon- 
 strance was vain ; they had to get used to it. His chief 
 hobby was dress, and he was always immaculate. One 
 of his foibles was to send his lingerie to England to 
 be properly laundered. His valet used to walk round 
 him until every speck had been removed, and then pat 
 him on the shoulder as is done with divers to signify 
 that he might issue forth without fear of criticism. 
 Another very conservative Captain discovered that one 
 of his midshipmen had signed with a new signature. 
 "How is this?" he demanded. "My father has come 
 in for some property and had to change his name," was 
 the boy's explanation. " You joined as Smith, and
 
 220 
 
 Smith you will remain until the end of the 
 commission," was the satisfaction he got. 
 
 The above courts martial remind me of an officer who 
 was tried for indulging not wisely but too well. He 
 called his servant as a witness. " Was I drunk or sober 
 when I turned in? " he asked. ' You was sober," was 
 the reply. " What made you think the prisoner was 
 sober? " inquired a member of the court. " Because he 
 told me to call him early, quite natural like." A short 
 pause ensued, and then the President asked, " Did he 
 assign any particular reason for wishing to be called 
 early? " ' Yes, Sir, he said he was going to be Queen 
 of the May." The prisoner was not acquitted. 
 
 We spent Christmas, 1891, at Bermuda, our pleasure 
 being very much lessened by a distressing accident that 
 occurred. We lost a torpedo, and in the search for it 
 the boat that was conducting it capsized under sail, and 
 a Warrant Officer and three men were drowned ; this 
 was a sad illustration of the treacherous squalls that 
 occur among these islands. These casualties, together 
 with a death from heat apoplexy, were the only ones 
 sustained during the commission, at the end of which 
 we were able to plumb ourselves that we had not had 
 a single court martial. 
 
 We left before the end of the year for the West 
 Indies, the first port of call being Port-au-Prince, Hayti. 
 This island was an object-lesson of the black man's 
 incapacity to run his own show. Since the French had 
 evacuated the island, driven out probably by disease, it 
 had gone utterly to the bad and had lost all the prosperity 
 it formerly enjoyed. All Europeans were indiscriminately 
 murdered, and even those who had any white strain in 
 them shared the same fate. The result was a nation of 
 bloodthirsty, ignorant savages, who had lapsed into a 
 condition of superstitious paganism embracing the 
 practice of revolting rites, of which Sir Spencer St. John 
 gives an admirable account in his book A Black Republic. 
 Accompanied by Consul Tweedie and two of my officers, 
 I called on President Hyppolyte at the palace, a ram- 
 shackle, ill-kept building, furnished in excruciatingly bad 
 taste, the pictures and engravings being especially 
 meretricious. Except for his colour (a sooty black), the 
 President had a European appearance. Despite the early 
 hour (9 a.m.), he was in evening dress, and was 
 surrounded by a ' Brilliant Staff ' of negroes in every
 
 THE TARTAR 221 
 
 kind of gorgeous uniform. With the aid of the Consul 
 we exchanged compliments and platitudes, drank some 
 very sweet champagne, and departed with more com- 
 pliments. The uniforms of the troops outside the 
 palace contrasted humorously with those inside. They 
 were conspicuous by their absence ! They were an un- 
 sightly crowd of bestial -looking ruffians, who received 
 hardly any pay, and lived chiefly upon what they could 
 pilfer from the populace. 
 
 The language is a bastard French patois. After the 
 ceremony we drove out with the Consul to his country 
 residence on the adjacent hills. After dinner we heard 
 some fascinating stories of Haytian history, of Toussaint 
 1'Ouverture and Dessalines, the first negro Presidents, who, 
 assisted by the mortality among the French troops under 
 General Leclerc (brother-in-law of Bonaparte), succeeded 
 in enforcing the evacuation of the island. Both these 
 men were assassinated. We were told of Christophe, 
 their successor, who built the citadel of La Ferriere, near 
 Cap Haitien, one of the wonders of the Western 
 Hemisphere. Near it stands the palace of Sans Souci, 
 erected by the same man ; the former was designed 
 by two French officers of Engineers who were prisoners 
 of war, and Christophe murdered them on its comple- 
 tion. Christophe had himself crowned as Emperor 
 Henri I, and created an extensive nobility (among them 
 a Duke of Limonade), and was himself assassinated in 
 ,1821, a fitting retribution for such a bloodthirsty 
 scoundrel. Of twenty-five Presidents since that time, only 
 one completed his full service, fifteen being driven out 
 of the country, six assassinated, one died of wounds, and 
 another committed suicide. We arrived at the conclusion 
 that the billet was not worth having. Several of those 
 who escaped owed it to the good offices of the 
 British Consul, whose quarters were inviolate, and in 
 which numbers sought refuge during the indiscriminate 
 massacres resulting on a deposition. Not long before 
 our arrival one of the Presidents got away by walking 
 down to the jetty with the British Consul on one side 
 and a Captain of a British warship on the other ; the 
 ravening mob did not dare to touch him. 
 
 The next morning we drove into the squalid, ill-kept 
 city and visited the Cathedral. It was built by the 
 French, and the Catholic religion is still nominally that 
 of the people. Here we found a few sad -faced French
 
 222 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 Nuns, the only white women in the city, busied in their 
 pious work of looking after the building. But what drew 
 our attention most was a picture of the Virgin and Child. 
 The Madonna was depicted as a Negress and the Child 
 as a Mulatto. Too much shocked to feel amused, we left 
 the building. We left this island of magnificent scenery 
 without regret. All the splendid tropical flowers flourish 
 here in profusion. Truly every prospect pleases, and 
 only man is vile. The United States stepped in in 1915 
 at the request of the French Government and assumed 
 control ; since then extraordinary results have been 
 achieved under a firm and judicious administration. 
 
 Port Royal, Jamaica, was soon reached, but we had 
 only been there two days when the Commodore, whose 
 flag flew in the Urgent, sent for me and told me there 
 was a case of yellow fever in the hospital, and he should 
 send us on a cruise round the island for precaution's sake, 
 and we left for Morant Bay, on the I3th of January. 
 Here, on the i 5th, we received the news of the death of 
 the Duke of Clarence. 
 
 A barque was alongside the wharf and part of her 
 cargo was oranges. Some of the darkies started to throw 
 them at each other ; one of them missed the mark and 
 struck a sailor in the face. Furious, he seized a large 
 stone and hurled it at the nearest nigger ; it struck 
 him' on the side of the head, whereupon he turned round 
 and said, " Look hyar, Sah, it's oranges we's f rowing, 
 not lemmins." These people have enormously, hard 
 skulls, and their weak spot is the shin ; this they know, 
 and when fighting kick most viciously at each other and 
 also use their heads to butt with. 
 
 At Montego Bay we got our first experience of ticks. 
 The bite of these insects is extraordinarily irritating ; it is 
 very minute, but it sucks your blood and swells to the 
 size of a ladybird and then you become aware of it, to 
 your great discomfort. It leaves a nasty little sore that 
 heals slowly and often causes fever. We got ours through 
 shooting pigeons up a small river and incautiously landing 
 in the grass where ticks abound ; this is the result of 
 man's interference with nature. To kill off the rats he 
 introduced the mongoose, then the rats took up their 
 homes in the houses, so the hungry mongoose turned 
 their attention to the birds and almost exterminated the 
 ground doves and others that kept down the ticks and 
 insects. The moral is ' Let well Alone.' One of the
 
 THE TARTAR 223 
 
 men took me over a sugar mill, the proprietor of which 
 told me that the sugar only covered the working expenses, 
 but the rum gave a handsome profit. Pussyfoot was not 
 on the warpath yet. 
 
 Here we had our first cricket match and suffered an 
 honourable defeat, the event being made an occasion for 
 a social gathering, which included all the everybodies and 
 all the nobodies of the neighbourhood. The darkies take 
 a great interest in cricket. 
 
 A telegram from the Commodore moved us on to 
 Santiago de Cuba with orders to keep moving until we 
 reached Bermuda via Nassau, New Providence. Santiago 
 was still under Spanish, rule, and I could see no alteration. 
 It still boasted a fine military band that we thoroughly 
 enjoyed, in company with the Consul, who was an 
 Englishman, very hospitable and acquainted with every 
 one. The Senoritas did not seem to have deteriorated 
 as regards looks, anyway. The Spanish control of Cuba 
 was still weakening, and only nominal over the greater 
 part of the island. It only needed a little energetic action 
 on the part of the United States of America to precipitate 
 its downfall. 
 
 On leaving we proceeded, up the old Bahama Channel, 
 and in the Florida Straits found the Gulf Stream running 
 at the rate of over four knots an hour, very helpful. I 
 had looked forward to revisiting Nassau with pleasur- 
 able anticipations only to be somewhat damped by 
 discovering that all my old friends had gone. Not 
 surprising after an interval of twenty years. It is odd 
 that some of our people do not visit this place in the 
 winter. j 
 
 Having been absent but six weeks from Bermuda, 
 we were able to take up the thread of things again very 
 easily. The ship was ordered up to Hamilton, a most 
 ideal anchorage. Completely surrounded by land, con- 
 sisting of innumerable islands, it is reached by a tortuous 
 channel, not available for heavy draught ships. Moored 
 in a snug position off the town we proceeded to enjoy 
 life thoroughly. Bermuda is celebrated for its wrecks 
 and derelicts, and just abreast of the town one of these 
 victims of the sea lay on the rocks with its broadside 
 fully exposed. An enterprising jeweller had hired it and 
 painted on its side "Go to Childs for jewellery." One 
 morning the town woke up and was confronted with the 
 astounding request to " Go to Hell for jewellery " ; some
 
 224 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 wag had made the alteration during the night. I don't 
 believe the ' Tartars ' had anything to do with it. 
 
 In March, 1892, I bought my first bicycle, a solid 
 tyre, and proceeded to explore these fascinating islands. 
 Probably the bike has been the most enjoyable invention of 
 man. I say ' has been,' for those who used it for pleasure 
 have been driven off the roads. For the proletariat it 
 is still the greatest boon. My use for it continued for 
 twenty -six years, then I reluctantly abandoned it, for 
 even the country lanes were no longer sacred to the 
 bicyclist. We had several in the ship, and may be said 
 to have introduced it into the West Indies, where, when 
 we landed for an early morning ride, the darkies gave 
 vent to their astonishment by such cries as " Hi I Sec 
 de Man-o-war Buccras. Dey no use for de Buggy now."" 
 
 The Admiral's period of command had expired, and 
 Sir John Onunaney Hopkins came out in the Blake to 
 relieve him. The Blake was a first-class cruiser of 
 9,000 tons, and we were no longer the only fore-arid- 
 after, and very shortly the Magicienne arrived ; the 
 station was being modernized. Custom dies hard, and we 
 had been supplied with a complete set of fore and aft 
 sails that were about as much use as feathers on a pig ; 
 however, later on, they made excellent deck-cloths. . For 
 the benefit of the uninformed, I will explain that deck- 
 cloths were used to cover the decks when they had been 
 scrubbed to a spotless condition, especially on Sundays, 
 so as to avoid unnecessary cleaning ; naturally the First - 
 Lieutenant kept an open eye for such commodities. While 
 in the Condor at Constantinople, an Italian barque caught 
 fire and we sent our boats, but she burned to the water's 
 edge, rather a fine sight, yet somehow our boats returned 
 with enough sails to make deck -cloths for the ship. How 
 it was managed I know not ; I wasn't there. And we 
 received the thanks of the Italian Ambassador for our 
 invaluable services. 
 
 We parted with Sir George Watson with regret. He 
 was popular on the station, and a new hand at the bellows 
 is always an object of suspicion. But we were not long 
 in finding out that the new man was one of the best. 
 He said to me once, " My name is Easy, as long as my 
 officers do their jobs properly ; if not, let them stand 
 from under." He was very capable, very shrewd, and 
 with a great sense of humour. We soon became devoted 
 to him. He had been at the Admiralty doing very
 
 THE TARTAR 225 
 
 strenuous work, and came out determined to have a good 
 time. This he did, and so did those under him, for he 
 was both thoughtful for others and considerate. The 
 4 Blakes ' won deserved popularity, and in due course 
 we became ' Chummy Ships,' not always usual between 
 the great and the small. 
 
 One of the first proceedings of the new man was 
 to inspect the ships, and our turn came in due course ; 
 this ordeal terminated in our case most happily, the 
 Admiral being very complimentary, so we made a good 
 start. It was particularly gratifying to me, for the 
 First -Lieutenant, Cooper-Key, had been indefatigable, and 
 had the men in capital order and discipline. Our engine- 
 room department was excellent also, and we had reason 
 to be proud of our little ship. 
 
 American Yachts had begun to visit Bermuda, and 
 at Hamilton some lay close to us. There was the Oneida, 
 a fine steam yacht, the owner, E. C. Benedict, with several 
 friends on board ; a most cheery lot. The Golden Rod, 
 Mr. Watt, with a party, of ladies, and a large sailing 
 yacht, the Alert, with J. Husted and Malcolm J. Motley 
 on board, the latter a fine sporting specimen of the best 
 American type. .We got very friendly, a friendship that 
 has been kept up to this day, and, although we do not 
 meet very often, we constantly correspond, and he has 
 kept me supplied with United States literature for many 
 years. 
 
 Orders for dispersal were now issued, and ours came 
 for the West Indies again, and on May 17, 1892, we left 
 for Barbadoes. We had had a cheerful time and the 
 band of the flagship played us out again. At Barbadoes 
 I found the Governor, Sir James Hay, was an old friend ; 
 I had known him at Sierra Leone. He was extremely 
 hospitable, a bachelor and good company. When paying 
 a visit the butler always offered you a cocktail, and the 
 first question that His Excellency put was, " Have you 
 had your cocktail? " Cocktails were made from falernum, 
 a red liquor which I believe is a product of rum. While 
 here a German ship, the Arcona, arrived and took a 
 pilot to bring them in. As the place is an open 
 anchorage, this showed to say the least an excessive 
 caution. We got to know these people ; they were 
 already suffering from swollen heads, and the Captain 
 had the face to remark to me that our Army, had always 
 copied theirs and that now our Navy was doing the 
 
 15
 
 22G MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 same. To this I replied that I liked his damned cheek, 
 but at all events our Navy had not sunk so low as to 
 take pilots, and that we still believed in doing that sort 
 of work ourselves. These people were always trying 
 to stir up mischief. Having no property of their own, 
 they used one of our islands as a base, from which 
 to carry out target practice. The French objected and 
 made representations to our Government, who requested 
 the Germans to desist, so they transferred to the island 
 of St. Thomas and found the Danes more complaisant. 
 The Captain of the Arcona remarked on this to me, and 
 said sneeringly that he supposed our Government was 
 afraid of the French. 
 
 Orders from our Senior Officer took us off hotfoot 
 to La Guaira. A revolution was on in Venezuela and 
 there were British interests to protect. On arrival, the 
 Consul came off full of grievances, which I listened to 
 sympathetically, and the Tourmaline not being in harbour 
 we started off to join her at Tucacas, where the fighting 
 was going on. Here we found her and handed over 
 the chief charges of our mission, some bullion and lingerie 
 that the Captain's careless steward had left behind. 
 Tucacas was the scene of some bloody, fighting between 
 the opposing parties, and while we were there the loyalists 
 succeeding in driving out the revolutionaries. We landed 
 and I had a good look at the victorious army. It was 
 the most extraordinary collection of scaramouches imagin- 
 able, rifles of all sorts with bayonets that they were 
 apparently unable or too lazy to unfix. A British 
 regiment would have cleared up the whole crowd in a 
 very short time. Tucacas, the bone of contention, was 
 the chief port for shipping ore, and a vile place. We 
 then paid a short visit to Curacoa, a neat and tidy place 
 under the Dutch, and after despatching a sheaf of 
 telegrams, returned to Barbadoes ; however, we <were soon 
 off once more, and after dropping a new Governor at 
 St. Vincent, and christening him with thirteen guns, we 
 were at La Guaira again. 
 
 Since my visit in the Constance a British company 
 had constructed a narrow-gauge railway to Caracas. 
 It was quite an engineering feat, for the line in many 
 places looked down some tremendous precipices and 
 wound about in an extraordinary manner. From the rear 
 of the train you could sometimes see the engine, appar- 
 ently going in the opposite direction. At this time there
 
 THE TARTAR 227 
 
 had been a very bad landslip up the line at the top of 
 one of the canons where there was a drop of 2,000 
 feet. The Scot Manager, Mr. Ross, very kindly invited 
 us to visit the spot, and he also took some of the men. 
 We found the line quite impassable, but there was a large 
 party at work on it, and it was hoped that the traffic 
 would soon be restored. 
 
 It was remarkable how Scots predominated in that 
 part of the world. We used to chaff Moubray about it. 
 It was a safe bet when we visited any of these places 
 on the Spanish Main that we would find a Scot, and they 
 all seemed to be doing well, but we heard of one young 
 fellow who proved to be the exception to the rule. He 
 had developed into a gay Lothario, which, while it made 
 him popular with the fair sex, was not conducive to 
 business. His Christian name being John, he was known 
 appropriately as Don Juan. After a time he started 
 up-country, and all communication with him ceased. His 
 relatives at length despatched a sleuth to trail him, who 
 found no difficulty in doing so. At distant intervals he 
 encountered disconsolate females, and at last, far up- 
 country, he met one who bore a red -headed child in her 
 arms, it was the, posthumous child of ' Don Juan the Scot.' 
 The search was ended. 
 
 Writing about Scots reminds me that we used to get 
 a good many in the medical service of the Navy. One of 
 these, having newly joined, had been celebrating the 
 occasion on shore. When he came off the Captain (who 
 was a little man and rather pompous) was standing on the 
 quarterdeck, and very soon noticed his condition. " Mr. 
 Macpherson, you're drunk, Sir." Sandy, who was a big, 
 burly fellow, approached, bent over him, and putting a 
 hand on his shoulder, replied, " There is nae doot of that, 
 laddie." 
 
 We remained on this service until the end of July, 
 visiting Grenada and Barbadoes occasionally. At the 
 former place we moored snugly in the Carenage with our 
 stern hauled in to the jetty. The telephone was then 
 brought on board, and with the hospitable little club 
 under our lee we were well situated. The Governor, the 
 Hon. Sir W. Hely-Hutchinson, very hospitably invited 
 me up to Government House. He was a remarkably 
 active man in mind and body, but had a habit of rousing 
 me out at 6 a.m. for a morning ride, the pleasure of 
 which, however, compensated for such early hours on
 
 228 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 shore. In this way we visited the beauty spots of the 
 neighbourhood, among them the ' Grand Etang,' an 
 extinct volcano ; the crater now performs a more useful 
 office a3 a reservoir of extremely pure water. Another 
 point of interest was a precipitous hill overlooking the 
 sea, known as the ' Morne des Sauteurs.' From its 
 summit numbers of Caribs threw themselves, preferring 
 to die thus rather than by the- hands of the French. 
 
 This deservedly popular Governor made a hobby of 
 orchids, and had a fine collection. Under his patronage 
 the Botanical Gardens were some of the finest in the 
 West Indies. Sir Walter afterwards became Governor 
 of the Cape. A very cheery fellow was H. Pipon- 
 Schooles, who kept open-house to us. He was the 
 Attorney -General, and was afterwards transferred to 
 Jamaica in the same capacity. He finished his career as 
 Chief Justice at Gib, for which he was knighted. I 
 used to see a good deal of him in London, and enjoyed 
 many a festive dinner with him at the Wyndham. 
 
 During one of our visits to La Guaira it became 
 necessary for me to go to Caracas to visit our Consul- 
 General. We had no Minister, having broken off our 
 diplomatic relations, and the German Minister, Baron von 
 Kleiste, was fulfilling that duty. The Germans, being 
 more slim, were trying to keep in with these people. The 
 Aiagon, a French warship, and the Arcona were in port, 
 and their Captains were invited to go up too. The 
 Frenchman) declined, and called on me to explain that until 
 the line was repaired he was not going to travel by it 
 and take risks. Alluding to the landslip, across which 
 planks had been laid for transit, he said, " I should get 
 vertige, vertige." That being the case, I recom- 
 mended him to stay behind. The German, however, 
 accompanied me ; in due time we arrrived at the slip on 
 which gangs were still working. The train pulled up 
 at a safe distance and we could see one waiting on the 
 other side. When we reached the landslip we found a 
 platform, two planks wide, across the breach, no handrail, 
 vertical rock on the inside, and a drop of about 2,000 feet 
 on the outside ; it was rather terrifying. The German 
 advanced and I followed, carrying a dressing bag ; half- 
 way across he began to shake, and turning round, said, 
 " Gif me your hand." I did not give him my hand, but 
 caught him by the wrist, trusting that if he did fall I 
 should be able to let go in time and not be dragged over.
 
 THE TARTAR 229 
 
 Thus steadied, he crossed in safety. On the return trip 
 I was not in his vicinity. 
 
 It was very pleasant to see Caracas again. In my 
 midshipman days we had ridden over on mules, a joyous 
 and reckless throng. We were sobered up by the infor- 
 mation imparted by our guide that the occasional heap 
 of stones that we passed indicated that a murder had 
 been committed on the spot, and that every pious passer 
 added one to the heap. I am afraid we were not so 
 overburdened with piety. At that visit we had busnacked 
 about on our own, now 1 had to be under the wing of 
 the Consul, who took every, care of me 1 , and I don't think 
 I enjoyed myself so much. It is a delightful place to 
 live in, and when I found the man who was our Minister 
 at my former visit had, on retirement, remained to finish 
 his days there, I was not surprised. 
 
 The rebels now recaptured Tucacas and com- 
 mandeered the Barquisetneto, a steamer belonging to a 
 British company. This would not do at all, and we set 
 out in hot pursuit, ran her to a finish, and convoyed her 
 back to Tucacas, where we put her out of action by 
 removing some of her machinery. We spent some time 
 on the way at target practice, selecting a convenient island 
 on which to place the target. At the first round a crowd 
 of scarlet ibis broke cover and afforded a most unusual 
 and pretty sight. They remained on the wing until we 
 had completed our practice. Moubray hurried on shore 
 and bagged some of these handsome birds, that, when 
 cooked, were as good as the ordinary curlew, of which 
 they are a species. I was presented with one, and had 
 it stuffed ; it now stands in my hall. 
 
 At last we got away from this storm in a teacup 
 and returned to Bermuda. On the passage Moubray and 
 I saw what we considered to be a sea-serpent, but decided 
 to say nothing about it, having due regard to the scepti- 
 cism of the British public with regard to sailors' yarns. I 
 consider that there is every possibility of there being such 
 reptiles of the deep. If we have such things as gigantic 
 squids and octopuses, why not sea-serpents? Nobody 
 would have believed in the Okapi until Johnston dis- 
 covered it, not many years ago. The sea-serpent has 
 been reputably reported by several observers, and I shall 
 continue to believe in it. It is probably extremely shy, 
 and, as we now know that vibrations from a ship in 
 motion can be sensed a very long distance, these creatures,
 
 280 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 whose sensitive organs must be very highly developed, 
 can have no difficulty in avoiding us. Sea-snakes are 
 common objects in the Indian Ocean, where I have seen 
 them twenty feet in length. 
 
 At Bermuda orders for Halifax awaited us, which 
 meant no delay on our part. On the passage, while 
 steaming fifteen knots a man fell overboard. We picked 
 him up and were under way again full speed in fifteen 
 minutes, a smart piece of work. 
 
 At Halifax I found my wife and boy living at the 
 ' Waverley.' .We settled down for a good time, which 
 we got. I found my, old friends of the Leicesters 
 stationed there, having come out from England. Dances, 
 dinners and picnics were the order of the day, and we 
 have a very vivid recollection of one of the latter when 
 Charles Bayly, the Commander of the flagship, drove a 
 party of us in a brake, horsed by four greys, to a spot 
 about ten miles out where we joined the remainder of 
 the party. We galloped all the way, escorted by 
 mounted midshipmen. Bayly was racing against the 
 Flag -Lieutenant Sandeman, who drove a tandem. The 
 road being narrow, we started at intervals, and the race 
 was decided on time. Bayly won by a narrow margin. 
 The going was fierce. 
 
 After a time we left for Quebec and Montreal. At 
 Quebec we found the Governor-General and Lady Derby, 
 and I had the honour of dining with them that evening 
 and attending their ball. This man, who filled the high 
 office of Governor -General with dignity, and credit to 
 himself, was one of the best type of our nobility, such 
 as should always be appointed to these posts. He and 
 Lady Derby were deservedly popular. 
 
 We went on to Montreal. The river between the two 
 cities (a distance of 1 1 1 miles), is an eloquent testimony 
 to the efficiency of the Canadian Marine Department. 
 Well buoyed, deepened, and the passage straightened 
 when required with excellent and prominent leading 
 marks, it is easy, to negotiate. Just before arriving at 
 Montreal the current suddenly increases to a rate of seven 
 knots, and almost seems to bring the ship up. Here 
 we went alongside the wharf. 
 
 Montreal is a beautiful city ; the houses are mostly 
 built of stone, and there are some> very, fine ones, 
 especially in the suburbs,, where the rich live. The hospit- 
 able residents inundated us with invitations. My wife
 
 THE TARTAR 231 
 
 arrived and we put up at the ' Windsor,' a very large 
 and comfortable hotel. Our room looked out on the river, 
 and the first morning I was puzzled by some extra- 
 ordinary-looking objects looking like large junks ; they 
 resolved themselves into the peculiar piers of the railway, 
 bridge that spans the river. We drove up to the top 
 of the mountain and admired the panorama spread before 
 us. The city boasts, with reason, of its theatre and some 
 fine cafe's ; the cuisine is excellent, a combination of 
 the best English and French. 
 
 My wife and I started for Niagara by rail. Sleeping 
 in a Pullman was not altogether ideal. tWe arrived at 
 Toronto the next day and failed to ' connect,' in other 
 words missed the train, so we spent the intervening time 
 in driving about the city. Not being rather Frenchified 
 like Montreal and to a greater extent Quebec, it was 
 entirely Canadian. 
 
 At Niagara we put up at another ' Windsor,' where 
 we got a good view of the falls from our bedroom 
 window. The first day we devoted to the falls, and 
 visited Goat's Island and then the ' Cave of the Winds.' 
 When I penetrated behind the fall the first object that 
 met my view was a young woman indulging in a shower 
 bath ; however, conventions were strictly, observed, for 
 she was enveloped in a waterproof. The next day, we 
 visited the rapids and whirlpool, the former terrifying 
 and fascinating as it bo'ils through the restricted and 
 rocky passage, and the latter menacingly sullen as if 
 controlled by an evil spirit. The falls have been 
 described often enough ; we found them all we had heard 
 and then more. Their grandeur seemed to grow upon 
 you, and not the least charm is the deep diapason it 
 emits, much more noticeable at night. From the 
 suspension bridge it was intensely interesting to watch 
 the little steamer Maid of the Mist nosing about below. 
 
 We returned to Kingston, after a farewell drive round 
 the Canadian shore and through the park, passing the 
 famous Lundy Lane. At Kingston we embarked on the 
 steamboat Spartan, with a merry party of five mids who 
 were returning to the Blake. We threaded our way 
 through the thousand islands, and then prepared for the 
 sensation of the voyage, namely, the shooting of the 
 Lachine Rapids. Great preparations were made, and an 
 Indian pilot took the helm, but it proved to be all cry 
 and very little wool ; in short, a very tame affair.
 
 232 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 We returned very much pleased with our trip, and 
 had a few more days of the city. Before leaving the 
 4 Tartars ' gave a very successful little evening ' At 
 Home/ as some sort of slight return for the lavish 
 hospitality we had received. It was well after midnight 
 before the merry party broke up. 
 
 The following morning we started, our departure being 
 witnessed by a large crowd, music being supplied by 
 the band of the 6th Fusilier Regiment of Canada. We 
 were as loath to leave as they were to part with us. 
 We arrived and moored the following morning at Quebec 
 just in time to participate in a picnic to the Falls of 
 Montmorency. We put up at the ' Florence,' in the 
 lower town. Two days more of festivities and this 
 delightful cruise came to an end. In company with 
 Blake we returned to Halifax and our quarters at the 
 ' Waverley.' | I 
 
 The woodcock were in, and we got some shooting 
 and fishing in the lakes, where there was an abundance 
 of trout. Our most successful Shikari was Moubray, 
 who generally returned with a bigger bag than any one 
 else, and in the fishing department Alderson was an easy 
 first. He was also the best boat -sailer on the station. 
 For my part I was but a dabbler at these sports now. 
 Was it the demands of a married life or a greater 
 development of parlour tricks? 
 
 These happy days continued until October, when the 
 time came for us to leave for Bermuda. By the regula- 
 tions a Captain cannot take his own wife to sea, but 
 they do not forbid him to take another man's, so it was 
 arranged that the Tartar should take Mrs. Hamilton, the 
 wife of the Captain of the Blake, and that the Buzzard 
 should take mine. Of course I was able to take our 
 boy and his nurse. ' Buzzy ' Browne of the Buzzard 
 was a determined old bachelor, but one of the best ; in 
 addition to my wife he took Mrs. Hamilton's French 
 maid. 
 
 On the first night there was a bad sea, and the little 
 Buzzard was very lively, so my wife very wisely sought 
 the seclusion that the cabin grants. The maid, quite 
 overcome, flopped on to a sofa. When Buzzy came down 
 and inquired about her the coxswain replied, " I've carried 
 her to her cabin, taken off her frock and put her to 
 bed." The next morning my wife was dressing under 
 difficulties when the ship gave a heavy roll that pre-
 
 THE TARTAR 233 
 
 cipitated her, and the rest of her kit, through the door. 
 The coxswain, still playing the guardian angel, came to 
 her rescue, remarking, " Why ever did I leave you to 
 dress yourself? " Handy men these sailors ! 
 
 Through the kindness of the O.C. of troops we were 
 given the messhouse at Boaz Island, about a mile from 
 the dockyard. Here we were thoroughly comfortable, 
 and enjoyed the delightful climate of Bermuda winter 
 and the gaieties of the island. The messhouse was for 
 the officers of the detachment (temporarily withdrawn) at 
 Boaz. Some men of The Kings had been left behind 
 in charge of the transport, and they were particularly 
 kind to our small boy, taking him out in the cart and 
 giving him a stall in the stable in which he kept his 
 toy horse. When the regiment left, these men turned him 
 over to their successors of the Royal Berks, and telling 
 them that he had never heard a bad word from any 
 of them, asked them to look after him too, and treat him 
 in the same way. The above only came to my know- 
 ledge accidentally, and my readers can judge how much 
 we appreciated the behaviour of these good fellows. I 
 have always had a warm corner for Tommy, which was 
 intensified when our boy joined the Army and is still 
 more so now. The same applied to the bluejackets, who, 
 I know, never said or did anything likely to affect his 
 character injuriously ; he was among them and was a 
 great favourite. At length some officers came to Boaz, 
 and the G.O.C. shifted us into some very comfortable 
 married officers' quarters that were vacant. A great 
 industry had sprung up, namely, the cultivation of lilies 
 and onions. From the aesthetic to the prosaic. The 
 fields of lilies were a beautiful sight, and immense 
 quantities were despatched to the States, where they 
 commanded a good market. As for the onions, they were 
 still more remunerative and of much importance to the 
 growers. So highly were they considered, that if you 
 wished to pay a man a compliment you called him an 
 onion. Christmas Day, 1892, v\as spent here, and on 
 the 27th we left for Port Royal with drafts for the 
 Urgent and orders to join the Admiral at Antigua for 
 the winter cruise. 
 
 The cruise lasted until the end of February, 1893, 
 when we were detached from the squadron at Jamaica 
 and sent to Trujillo, Spanish Honduras, in response to 
 an S.O.S. from the Consul. The winter cruises were
 
 284 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 agreeable on the social side. The usual programme at 
 each island was a dinner and ball, given by His 
 Excellency or His Honour, another by the Citizens, and 
 a Fleet Regatta and cricket match. At the regattas the 
 ' Tartars ' more than held their own. 
 
 At Trujillo we found a very frightened Dago Consul ; 
 also that although there was a revolution on (the usual 
 condition), there was not a rebel within fifty miles of 
 the town. This we learnt from the invariable Scot, who 
 promptly appeared from his ranche and gave us his frank 
 opinion of Great Britain's representative. A portion of 
 the army (ragged according to custom) was holding the 
 town, and a cut -throat lot they looked, as they are, for 
 it is their invariable rule to slit the throats of all 
 prisoners ; it saves a lot of trouble. This place was 
 a glaring example of the folly of having a native as 
 Consul ; of course they always try to hunt with 1 the 
 hounds, and run with the hare. At length, having 
 partially restored the nerves of this man, we left for 
 Vera Cruz, calling at Port Cortez, Livingstone and Belize, 
 British Honduras, en route. Before leaving I told the 
 Consul that if the rebels came near the place he must 
 wrap himself up in the British flag and defy them to 
 touch him. But our Scot declared that he had not the 
 pluck of a louse, and would die like a cur in a ditch. 
 I was sure, however, that the Scot would have given 
 a good account of himself. These affairs are chronic, 
 and greed of money is at the bottom of them all. A 
 man gets himself made President, by fair means or foul, 
 and lo, all the taxes flow into his pocket, and some 
 fine day he makes his get-away with the spoils, usually 
 to Paris, a city that has a great fascination for these 
 gentry. While we were in Colombia the President 
 became aware that certain people were plotting his down- 
 fall, one of them being his own brother. He invited 
 him to dinner and did him of the best ; when the smokes 
 came on he gave him a cigar and after a time asked 
 him how he liked it. " It's a very, good one," was the 
 reply. " I'm glad of that," said the President ; " make 
 the most of it, for it is the last that you will ever 
 smoke." If his brother grasped the import of this some- 
 what cryptic speech, the smoke must have been a long 
 one 1 At its conclusion he was taken out and shot. There 
 is a refinement of cruelty about this fratricidal affair that 
 smacks of Borgian methods. Here would be the man
 
 THE TARTAR 285 
 
 to deal with the Bolsheviks, but he would have to be 
 enjoined not to waste dinners and good cigars on them. 
 
 Livingstone is in Guatemala, and is interesting as 
 being the last home of the Caribs, who were deported 
 here from the British West Indies by a short-sighted 
 Government, for they would have made excellent citizens. 
 These people quite mobbed me. They spoke an 
 extraordinary lingo which resembled English, and which 
 I was unable to understand, and they took care to tell 
 me that they were British and not Guatemalans. It 
 was rather pathetic. At Belize I found an old friend 
 in the Governor, Sir Alfred Moloney, whom I had known 
 at Nassau when A.D.C. to the Governor, and whom I 
 had met frequently in London. 
 
 We arrived at the old port of Vera Cruz. The walls 
 of the fort of St. Juan d'Ulloa that guards the anchorage 
 still retain the iron rings by which the galleons used 
 to be moored, and there is an old-world look about the 
 place. It bears an unenviable and deserved reputation 
 for being a hotbed of yellow fever. The following day 
 a party of us left for Mexico City, where we spent a 
 few days. The railway was constructed by a British 
 company. The distance to the city is under 200 miles, 
 but longer by rail owing to engineering difficulties. The 
 scenery is gorgeous, especially during the ascent to the 
 plains on which the city, lies, the rise being 8,000 feet. 
 The country is spread out like a panorama, fertile and 
 blooming, in strong contrast to the gloomy canons and 
 fearsome precipices along the faces of which the railroad 
 mounts. As you passed up one side you saw the line 
 ascending on the other. Orizaba, a pyramidal mountain, 
 18,000 feet high, with a summit clothed with perpetual 
 snow (very refreshing in this climate), and Popocatepetl, 
 an active volcano of the same height, were passed in 
 succession. From the former the Spanish Ecclesiastics 
 and Hidalgos procured snow to cool their drinks, and 
 from the latter the warrior Cortez obtained sulphur to 
 manufacture gunpowder. Artificial ice and T.N.T. have 
 changed all that. 
 
 We put up at the ' Gillow,' and that night I had 
 the pleasure of dining with our Minister, Sir Spencer St. 
 John, whom I have already referred to. I spent a most 
 instructive evening with this man, from whom I parted 
 at a late hour with much regret. Having exhausted 
 its wonders and completed our stay in this curious old
 
 236 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 city, we descended to the heat of Vera Cruz. Before 
 leaving I executed a commission that had been entrusted 
 to me, namely, to purchase a complete set of Mexican 
 stamps. I believe some of them now adorn the collection 
 of a Royal Philatelist. 
 
 We were now bound for Bermuda, taking Havana 
 and Nassau en route. It was our first visit to the former 
 place, and we found that yellow fever, small-pox and 
 typhus were raging, so our visit was curtailed. With 
 the Spanish the above were everyday matters, and as 
 the sewage of the city was discharged into the harbour 
 it was not surprising. A few years later the blowing 
 up of the U.S. ship Maine set fire to the torch, that, by 
 the time it had burned out, had witnessed the expulsion 
 of the Spaniard from his colonial possessions in the West 
 Indies and the Philippines. One cannot help sympa- 
 thizing, to a certain extent, with a nation that produced 
 Columbus, Cortez and Pizarro, but, in modern parlance, 
 they asked for it and they got it. 
 
 So we did not stop long at Havana, that truly 
 Spanish city of the West. At Nassau we again met 
 the Onieda with E. C. Benedict on board. On arrival at 
 Bermuda we found that a squadron of four ships was 
 going to New York, on the invitation of the United 
 States, to represent the British at the tercentenary celebra- 
 tion of the discovery of America by Columbus, and that 
 we were to be one of them. In accordance with the 
 programme we left on April I3th for Hampton Roads, 
 where the International Fleet was to assemble. The 
 British Squadron consisted of the Blake, Australia, 
 Magicienne and Tartar. At Hampton Roads we found 
 an American Fleet of fourteen ships and a goodly number 
 of foreigners. We made a good evolution when anchor- 
 ing, coming in at a good bat on a strong flood tide. 
 After letting-go the anchor we swung round in a way 
 that tautened out the cables in a most conspicuous 
 manner ; after an anxious moment or two we rode peace- 
 fully in line. It was a bit of risky swagger, but worth 
 it, with all the foreigners looking on. One of the 
 American Captains remarked admiringly on it to me, and 
 asked if our Admiral always came in in such style, to 
 which I replied, generally faster, but we had to allow 
 for the flood tide. We were out to cut a dash, and this 
 was not the only occasion. Among the heterogeneous 
 collection of warships there were specimens of all sorts,
 
 THE TARTAR 287 
 
 from a Brazilian battleship, the Aquidaban, to the Van 
 Speyk, a Dutch jackass -frigate. The former looked an 
 unsightly monster. The latter was old style, as were the 
 Russians Ditnitri Donskoi, General Admiral and Rhynda. 
 On board the Dimitri was the Grand Duke Alexander, 
 a lieutenant and cousin of the* Czar. The Blake was 
 undoubtedly the finest craft present, but for some reason 
 the American officers seemed to fancy the Australia, 
 probably on account of her being partially armoured. 
 
 The craft that attracted most attention were the 
 Caravels the Santa Maria, Pinta and Nina. They were 
 built in Spain and were exact reproductions of the original 
 Squadron of Columbus ; they had been towed out. The 
 Santa Marta (Columbus' flagship) was only 200 tons, and 
 75 feet long, most of the accommodation was above the 
 waterline, and the poop and forecastle towered upward, 
 giving the impression of instability and crankiness. Each 
 had three masts, and had somewhat the appearance of 
 junks or dhows, but more respectable. I spent some 
 time on each, and felt a profound admiration for the man 
 who went out into the unknown in such diminutive craft, 
 manned by a superstitious and mutinous crew. 
 
 The American people were our hosts, and they spread 
 themselves out to be good ones. Most of the official 
 events were to be observed at New York, but the 
 Secretary of the Navy opened the ball by entertaining 
 all Admirals and Captains on board the Dolphin, the 
 Navy Board yacht. The company included officers from 
 Argentine, Brazil, France, Germany, Holland, Italy, 
 Russia and Spain. After dinner I had a good insight 
 as to what occurred at the tower of Babel. 
 
 During the afternoon, while walking with Bayly, of 
 the flagship, we came across an old gun enshrined in a 
 shed. We incautiously inquired of the gaping crowd 
 what its history was, and how it came to be there. A 
 small darky took upon himself the office of spokesman, 
 and said, " Guess we took it from the British " ; the 
 crowd chuckled. Further on we met with another one, 
 this time we forebore to ask questions, but still the crowd 
 chuckled, whereupon I remarked, " Guess we had better 
 vamose, or we shall be captured too." More chuckles, 
 under cover of which we withdrew. These guns had 
 been taken when Cornwallis surrendered at York Town. 
 The Americans take more care of, and pride in their 
 battle trophies than some of our people. I can recall
 
 238 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 the officials of St. Paul's Cathedral burning several 
 captured flags that had been discovered stowed away and 
 forgotten in the crypt. 
 
 Opposite our anchorage at Newport News was the 
 huge Hygeia Hotel, accommodating 3,000 people ; they 
 don't do things by halves in the States I Every night a 
 ball was held in it ; officers in uniform were permitted to 
 ask any girl to dance it was a grand time for the boys. 
 In this hotel I found some old Constantinople friends 
 of mine. I went over to Portsmouth and inspected the 
 little Navy yard there, quite homely 1 
 
 On the 24th of April the fleet weighed. We steamed 
 in two lines, and our squadron led the foreign line, the 
 other being composed of U.S. Ships. No one appeared 
 to object to our leading the foreign line, but there was 
 a good deal of friction among those who followed as 
 to order of precedence. Eventually the Russians followed 
 us, with the French next ; the Germans had to take a back 
 seat. Admiral Gherardi, of the American Fleet, must have 
 exercised some tact. ,We anchored in New York Bay the 
 first night, and on the next morning we made the grand 
 entry. Past the statue of Liberty, the Battery and 
 Governor's Island, past the business portion of the city, and 
 then anchored in two lines abreast the residential quarters. 
 We found ourselves off 76th Street. New York turned 
 out in thousands, the banks of the Hudson were lined 
 with people, and every, available steamer was chartered 
 and crowded to the utmost capacity. The papers were 
 very complimentary to the British Squadron, allusions 
 were made to the Red Cross of St. George, and warm 
 tribute was paid to the correct station kept by us. I 
 think we earned it. 
 
 We had that day and night to recuperate from 
 Newport News, and to prepare for the coming struggle. 
 It was as well, for it proved to be the most strenuous 
 affair most of us ever went through. As a commence- 
 ment every New York Club of position made us honorary 
 members. Those that made most impression on me were 
 the Racquet and Tennis Club (that included among other 
 features a real tennis court, a gymnasium and Turkish 
 bath), the Manhattan and the Union League. The 
 American clubs are far less starchy than ours. The 
 hospitality of the members was most lavish. For example, 
 Bayly and I, having a free evening, determined to devote 
 it to a theatre, going to the Union League for dinner.
 
 THE TARTAR 289 
 
 Here we were recognized by, some of the members and 
 promptly invited to dine. We explained that we pro- 
 posed going to see a Trip to China Town, and must 
 leave early, but they would take no refusal. After a 
 most enjoyable dinner with these good fellows we left, 
 and on arrival at the theatre the driver informed us 
 that the cab was paid for, and inside I was handed two 
 stalls with our late hosts' compliments. If this isn't 
 hospitality, what is? Our friends, Motley and Husted, 
 put in an early appearance and introduced us to the 
 Racquet Club, and among other experiences I owe these 
 two a unique one. With five other friends they enter- 
 tained me with a dinner at the Waldorf. It began at 
 eight o'clock and lasted after midnight. The experience 
 consisted in the fact that for the first time I saw a 
 man go under the table, where, for the time, he was left. 
 
 But I must not weary, my readers with too many 
 personal reminiscences, but will get on to the public 
 events. These were a review and reception by the 
 President, a naval parade and a grand public ball. To 
 review us the President went on board the Dolphin and 
 steamed down the lines, receiving the usual honours as 
 he passed each ship. The Dolphin then anchored ahead 
 of the International Fleet, and Admirals and Captains 
 went on board to be presented to Mr. and Mrs. Grover 
 Cleveland. The President was a big man and inclined 
 to stoutness, but had a face that bore indications of 
 capacity and firmness. His wife was the proverbial fine 
 woman, and well turned out ; we had an opportunity 
 of conversing with them. Politics and such -like topics 
 are to be avoided on such occasions. That night the 
 Fleet illuminated, and by universal agreement the British 
 were easily, first. In anticipation of this function we 
 had laid in extra electric stores at Bermuda. 
 
 The ball, held in Madison Gardens, was a marvellous 
 affair. It opened with a procession of the foreign officers 
 in national groups, and we marched to the strains of 
 the ' Washington Post,' played by Sousa's celebrated 
 band. A dense crowd packed the building, and we 
 made the entire circuit, passing the President and the 
 leading officials of the Republic amid the applause of 
 the spectators. I felt rather as if I was taking part 
 in a pantomime! Then we broke up and dancing began. 
 Tickets for this ball could be purchased for ten dollars, 
 and among the many thousands present every grade of
 
 240 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 society was represented evening dress was not de 
 rigueur. Most of the ladies' dresses were very gorgeous, 
 not the least so being some that, I was told by one of 
 the American officers, were worn by devotees of 
 Aphrodite. Two bands provided the music, and the 
 refreshments were beyond reproach, champagne to the 
 masthead. 
 
 The naval parade was a great function. The 
 British landed a contingent of a thousand men, when 
 (^so the New York paper stated), for the first time for 
 more than a hundred years the British flag was carried 
 through New York. We again had the post of honour 
 and led the column. The Admirals and Captains attended 
 at the City Hall to witness the march -past. Here the 
 Governor, Mayor and Leading Officials were waiting to 
 receive the salute. The route was packed with people, 
 who were quite on good terms with themselves and us, 
 for we were the recipients of many remarks, all of which 
 were friendly. The New York police, who, by the way 
 seem to be mostly Irish, seemed to know how to deal 
 with a crowd, but in a different way from our usually suave 
 and considerate Robert ; the former has a formidable - 
 looking club that is very much in evidence. At the risk 
 of being thought unduly patriotic I have again to mention 
 that our men, by their bearing and marching, carried 
 off the palm, especially the Marines, who, in their red 
 coats, came in for unstinted applause. Bayly rode at the 
 head, followed by a mid as A.D.C. Two mids carried 
 the colours, and a goat, the pet of the Tartar, came 
 next, the rear being brought up by a very useful and 
 much -needed canteen -cart. The Russians were certainly 
 the biggest men on the parade, but their equipment and 
 style were inferior. Of the others, the Germans were 
 very military, and as they passed they broke into the 
 goose-step, whereupon the crowd burst into roars of 
 laughter, much to the rage and disgust of the Huns, 
 who could not understand how anyone dared to ridicule 
 them. The Italians were quite smart in appearance and 
 wore white spats. .What a sight for an old sea-dog ! 
 .While all the rest marched four abreast and did their 
 best. The Mayor entertained the chief officers at the 
 .Waldorf to lunch after the review, and we dined there 
 the same evening with the Governor. At this dinner 
 we heard some fine oratory. Among the speakers were 
 such well-known men as Bishop Potter and Chauncey
 
 THE TARTAR 241 
 
 Depew. Americans seem to make more of a study of 
 the art than the average Britisher, some of whom seem 
 to rely upon inspiration of the moment. 
 
 Another function was a trip to Chicago to visit the 
 exhibition all ranks were treated most hospitably, our 
 kind hosts not allowing us to pay for anything. Indeed 
 this was the universal and somewhat embarrassing custom 
 whenever they knew that you were one of the guests of 
 the country. Even the extortionate cabmen (and in New 
 York there are some champions at the game) would 
 modify the fare. I once offered a dollar less than the 
 driver demanded. He looked at me, and then said, " Get 
 in, I guess you belong to a friendly nation." That night, 
 when I arrived at the ship, I was the spectator of a 
 curious scene. The Russian flagship, General Admiral, 
 lay astern of us, and the liberty men were going off, 
 full of bad whisky. Some officers had been sent to 
 hurry them up, and they did it with their drawn swords, 
 pricking up the laggards most unmercifully, but numbers 
 of them were so drunk that they had to be carried 
 down and bundled into the boats ; it was not a pretty 
 sight, and would have been a grand illustration for 
 Pussyfoot. I always found the Russian officers most well- 
 bred and agreeable men. 
 
 .While driving in the procession and passing one of 
 the hotels, I saw a well-known English face, that of 
 George Grossmith, with whom I had been acquainted 
 for many years, an acquaintance that lasted until his 
 death. We exchanged signs of greetings, but I had 
 not time to hunt him up. I used to visit his house 
 frequently in Manchester Square, and there met many 
 interesting people ; one in particular will be remembered 
 by many, J. L. Toole, who always seemed to radiate 
 happiness and mirth. The last time I saw him was in 
 his revival of Paul Pry. I happened to say that I had 
 never seen him in it and the next day there came an 
 order for a box ; he spotted us and brought in my 
 wife's name among others that Paul Pry mentions. As 
 for ' George ' (as he was to all friends), he was the 
 best of company, and many a cheerful hour has he 
 supplied me with. I cannot quit Toole without narrating 
 a story that is ascribed to him. Playing the title r61e in 
 Richard III , he had just declaimed, " A horse, a horse, my 
 kingdom for a horse ! " whereupon a wag called out 
 from the gallery, " I say, Guv'nor, won't a donkey do? " 
 
 16
 
 242 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 " Yes," replied Toole, " Come down." The hidden jest 
 is that Johnnie was a Comedian pure and simple. 
 
 I seem to have got off the track a bit. The ships 
 were thrown open to the public ; the Blake became 
 enormously popular, and even the little Tartar was visited 
 by thousands. At one time the Blake was so crowded 
 by a dense mass of humanity that people had to be 
 cleared off the ship. In the Tartar, Cooper-Key told 
 off men to show parties round, and he told me of a 
 conversation he overheard. One of our men was explain- 
 ing the mechanism of a 6 -inch gun to a large party, 
 and one man asked how far the gun would carry. Our 
 man replied, " About eight miles," to which the American 
 retorted, ' We have some that will carry twelve." 
 " Yes," drawled our man (who was a Cockney), " but 
 you load your guns with gas." This sally was received 
 with good humour and laughter. This Cockney was an 
 amusing man. Another one said to him, " I saw a howl 
 last night." To which he replied, " You mean you 'card 
 one." 
 
 British warships distributed about the docks trophies 
 and articles as pretty -pretties, kept burnished up. Several 
 of these were (to put it mildly) annexed by our visitors, 
 presumably as souvenirs. After arriving at Bermuda the 
 Captain of the Blake received a letter from an anxious 
 father, saying that his daughter had ' obtained ' a small 
 shell from his ship, and it was still in her possession. 
 Would he kindly let him know if there was any danger 
 of its exploding I 
 
 Our friends of the Oneida and Golden Rod brought 
 their yachts alongside on respective days ; the former 
 took us up the East River to see Hell Gate. We sat 
 down to a lunch as we started that lasted almost until 
 our return, and all we saw of Hell Gate was through the 
 ports ! On the other trip we went up the Hudson and 
 past West Point, a long distance on this charming river, 
 and we did not get back until 9 p.m. 
 
 Another object of interest was a tennis match at the 
 Racquet Club between the two professionals, Standish and 
 Pettitt, when the former won three games. It is not 
 often one gets a chance of witnessing this fine game. 
 We then went to Koster and Beales' music hall, and on 
 other occasions to the Eden Musee, also to the Union Square 
 and Broadway Theatres. At the former the Wilson Barrett 
 Company was playing Ben ma Chree, while at the latter
 
 THE TARTAR 243 
 
 de Wolf Hopper was playing the Great Panjandrum. The 
 Admiral entertained Wilson Barrett and his company at 
 lunch on board the Blake. 
 
 With the Admiral and party I went to Cramps' Yard 
 at Philadelphia, where we saw the ill-fated Maine running 
 her trials. The inevitable reporter asked me what I 
 thought of her, and I diplomatically replied that I liked 
 the look of her. The next day's papers had big head 
 lines, " Commander Fleet says he admired the Maine, and 
 the Admiral agreed with him." It is almost impossible to 
 feel modest sometimes. At a dance on the Australia the 
 Admiral came up to speak to me. I was sitting talking 
 to my partner, but of course stood up and saluted. When 
 the Admiral had gone one of the guests approached and 
 said in a surprised tone, " Say, Captain, do you always 
 treat your Admiral with that amount of respect? " J.O.H. 
 was hospitality itself, and he dined all the foreign Admirals 
 and Captains, asking us in turns to meet them. I had the 
 bad luck to have a German next to me, and after abusing 
 the New Yorkers for their insolence over the goose-step 
 affair, he asked, " How is it you have a ship named 
 Magicienne in your .squadron? " A very fine French officer 
 (a Breton) was sitting opposite ; I noticed him paying 
 attention. The remark was of course intended for him, 
 for the Germans delight in making mischief. I determined 
 to let him have it. " Well, you must know that our Navy 
 is not a Navy of yesterday like yours. We have had some 
 good fights with the French, and as we have one or two 
 of their ships so they have one or two of ours." The 
 Hun subsided and said no more. When we broke up the 
 Frenchman made for me : " Ah! my friend, I heard what 
 you said to that man. We of the French Navee and 
 British Navee (have fought together. We have our legends, 
 our traditions and our honour. As for the Germans 
 Bah ! " and he made a sweeping gesture with his hand 
 that nearly struck the German in his face, for unob-. 
 served he had been standing behind him listening, and 
 had heard every word. 
 
 My friend Motley lent me one of his horses and we 
 rode to the tomb of General Ulysses Grant, a great yet 
 plain man to whose memory his countrymen have appro- 
 priately raised a plain memorial. But our delightful time 
 was drawing to an end, and as a finale the British ships 
 entertained the American officers of the opposite line to 
 dinner. I was ashore that night, but I was aware when
 
 244 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 I came off that the * Tartars * had done their guests proud, 
 for that was the way that one of them pat it to me, and 
 I came in for the fag of an amusing evening. We also 
 subscribed for and presented a silver cup with a suitable 
 inscription! to Admiral Gherardi. Finally, by special re- 
 quest, we illuminated our squadron again. On this 
 occasion die river was literally packed with steamers of 
 all sorts crammed with sightseers. Bands played and 
 the trippers sang, one of their favourites being " My 
 country 'tis of Thee," which is set to the tune of 4 ' God 
 save the King," but they have adopted it, as they have 
 a good many more of the airs made in England, and one 
 does not know whether to be flattered or annoyed. Any- 
 way, we wished they had left our national air alone, for at 
 first we were always coming to * Attention ' under the 
 belief that they were honouring us especially with it. 
 We have no prerogative for this air, but it has been 
 oars so long that If there is any truth in the adage 
 thai possession is nine points of the law, we ought not to 
 have been disturbed in the use of it. The air is said 
 to have been written by LuHi and the words of * Dieu 
 sauve St. Denis * set to it. It used to be sung as a 
 ******** by the demoiselles of St. Cyr under the windows 
 of Louis Quinze. 
 
 Onr last night arrived,, and we dined with the Sons 
 of St. George at Delmonico's. It was a dinner worthy 
 of die place. One of them told me that for the first 
 time they had been allowed to hoist the British nag over 
 the hotel daring their annual dinner. The Americans 
 were a little bigoted as regards our flag; and it was never 
 allowed to be flown except on our Embassy and Con- 
 sulates. Matters are better now, and I believe that we 
 understand each other better. It used to amuse me when 
 walking down Regent Street to note the number of 
 American flags, most of the exhibitors being quite un- 
 aware that there was no reciprocity on the other side. 
 But the greater number of the objectors in the States 
 were people who had a real or fancied grievance against 
 Great Britain. The mob, mostly Irish, gave an example 
 of it quite lately, when it tried to haul down the British 
 flag on the Union Club, a proceeding that was very 
 pioocily resented by the members. The United States 
 have a great future before them I am convinced. If 
 they would stop die immigration and settle down, and so 
 to type, they would become the most powerful
 
 THE TARTAR 245 
 
 world factor to be reckoned with. As it is, the Anglo- 
 Saxon race, that supplies the btst class of American, is 
 in the minority. However, that race is the dominant 
 one, and it can, and does, mould the others to pattern, 
 but the influx of the foreign element makes it an 
 increasingly difficult task. The best American is of a 
 very high type, and if it achieves mastery will contribute 
 materially to the world's advancement and peace. 
 
 In the States they are very much like us, overburdened 
 with speeches, and on the above occasions, even I had to 
 make one, and when alluding to the generous hospitality 
 we had received I instanced it by stating that the only 
 expense I had incurred had been a six-dollar trip to 
 Philadelphia. We broke up. Soon I felt a tap on my 
 shoulder, and turning round met the smiling face of a 
 complete stranger. " Captain," said hie, " let me give 
 you those six dollars." I had hard work to decline his 
 kind offer. 
 
 Delmonico's and the Waldorf were the most popular 
 restaurants at that time, and were always crowded. A 
 story is told of the well-known author, R. H. Davis, in 
 connection with one of them. It must be premised that 
 R. H. D. had a fairly good opinion of himself ; he 
 certainly was some writer. Entering one of these places 
 with two friends, he found every table engaged, but a 
 party of three, noticing his position, hastily finished their 
 liqueurs and made way. Davis addressed the man who 
 appeared to be the leader, thanked him and said, " Perhaps 
 you might like to know who it is that you have obliged. 
 This is my friend Stephen Arnold, the author ; this Robert 
 Jameson, journalist, and I well I am Richard Harding 
 Davis." When the other had quite recovered he said, 
 " Allow me to introduce my friends. This is Julius Caesar, 
 this Alexander the Great, and I well I am Napoleon 
 Bonaparte." 
 
 On the loth May we left New York during the fore- 
 noon. It was an ebb tide, and we steamed up the river, 
 then turned, and the Blake leading passed down the 
 lines, bands playing and men cheering. We went out in 
 close order, and kept up our end to the last. Having 
 cleared the Hook, we shaped course for Bermuda. Just 
 before clearing the Hook we were overhauled by a big 
 liner, that cut in between us and the next ahead. It took 
 us all we knew to avoid collision, which would have been 
 attended with disastrous results. I made him a signal,
 
 216 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 " I shall report you," to which he replied, " Thanks." 
 Probably he thought I meant at Lloyd's. 
 
 On considering the account of this function I must 
 emphasize what admirable and indefatigable hosts the 
 Americans made. They had but one answer to our thanks, 
 and that was, " You came here for a good time, and we 
 are going to see that you get it." Indeed they did, and 
 it has left an indelible feeling of friendship toward them 
 in my mind. This hospitality is a national trait. 
 
 When we arrived at Bermuda we felt ready for a 
 rest cure, but the end of May saw us starting for 
 Barbadoes. My friend the Governor was still to the 
 fore, and the Leicesters had been moved here from Halifax, 
 but like poor Joe we were kept moving on, and visited 
 Grenada, Cannouan, Tobago, St. Vincent, and finally paid 
 our first visit to St. Lucia, where on June 23, 1893, we 
 heard of the terrible Victoria disaster, which ship was 
 rammed and sunk in the Mediterranean by the Camper down 
 with a loss of some hundreds of lives, including the 
 Admiral, my old Captain, Sir George Tryon. 
 
 A detachment of the Leicesters was stationed on the 
 Morne in some new barracks that had been built, and we 
 got a warm welcome, as we did from the officers of the 
 West Indian detachment near the town. The road up 
 to the barracks winds among profuse tropical vegetation, 
 with an easy grade, and from the plateau there is a fine 
 view of the town of Castries and neighbourhood. Some 
 millions were spent in making the harbour into a coaling 
 station and fortifying it ; now I hear that the troops are 
 withdrawn and the place reverting to jungle, as is always 
 the case in the tropics when premises are neglected. 
 There are millions of acres in the West Indies now jungle 
 that were formerly prosperous sugar estates. Ruined 
 houses and mills tell of vanished fortunes. 
 
 At Dominica we picked up Sir W. Haynes-Smith, 
 who was on a visit of inspection with his private secretary, 
 the Master of Elibank. As the son of a naval officer, 
 the latter took very kindly to a ship. We took them 
 back to St. John's, and then went round to English 
 Harbour to lay up for a time. The entrance to the 
 harbour is completely masked from the sea, and in the old 
 days when there were no charts might easily have been 
 passed by those not acquainted with it. The entrance 
 is at the head of a narrow inlet, and takes a right-angled 
 turn, broadening out into a small bay, sufficiently large
 
 THE TARTAR 247 
 
 to accommodate several ships. Here the ships used to 
 assemble in the hurricane months, and the usual oldest 
 inhabitant told me that he could remember a dozen or 
 more using it for the above reason. The havoc that 
 these pests inflict is at times terrific, and in the hurricane 
 of 1780, two line-of -battle ships, six frigates and five 
 sloops were lost, in most cases with all hands. 
 
 I had heard much that interested me about this place, 
 and I had long had a wish to visit it, which was now 
 gratified. It was a typical ' Pirates' Lair,' and must have 
 been a favourite resort until the Navy slipped in and 
 cleared them off the seas. During the latter part of the 
 eighteenth century the dockyard was constructed, the labour 
 being provided by slaves from the neighbouring estates. 
 There is no dry dock, but a jetty which ships used for 
 careening, and we berthed the Tartar there. After the 
 old wars its importance began to decline, and when we 
 visited it there were only a caretaker and a few labourers. 
 The Commissioners' House and other buildings were in 
 good repair, and we cleared out the ship and took up 
 our quarters in them, our object being to fumigate and 
 clear out all rats and insects that had begun to get 
 unpleasant. In this we were thoroughly successful. The 
 dockyard covers about sixteen acres, and on the opposite 
 side is a very comfortable house, known as Clarence 
 House, that was built for William IV when he was in 
 command of a ship on the station. It cost 24,000, and 
 is provided with hurricane-proof cellars. The house was 
 always at the disposal of the senior officer, but the 
 Governor insisted upon my staying with him. Of course 
 it is haunted, but by what or by whom I know not, but 
 there were mysterious and weird noises about it after dark. 
 
 Just outside the yard was a huge rain slide that 
 served a tank for the supply of ships in the past ; now 
 it was falling into decay. It was covered with names 
 and dates, some of them being cut at the commencement 
 of the eighteenth century. The naval hospital had been 
 allowed to fall into ruin. The neighbourhood must have 
 been very populous once, for the remains of the town 
 showed it, and the surrounding heights fairly bristled 
 with forts, barracks and storehouses. All these buildings 
 were decaying, and the guns had been sold to an enter- 
 prising Yankee. 
 
 The planters and the Army and Navy no doubt kept 
 the ball rolling. Now only a few negro fishermen and
 
 248 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 labourers live among the ruins, and there was not a 
 white man within five miles. At that distance there is 
 a little church, at Falmouth, and in the churchyard repose 
 the bodies of many of our countrymen. On one of the 
 monuments I found the name of a Commander, the Hon. 
 James Charles Pitt (a son of the great Earl of Chatham), 
 who, as the inscription informed us, " Was cut off before 
 attaining the meridian of a fame that his early deeds 
 bid fair to Promise." He was only twenty years of age, 
 and commanded the Dolphin, a sloop. Promotion was 
 rapid then I 
 
 This little church was the scene of a curious incident. 
 The Commander of a ship arrived at it to be married to 
 a lady of the island. At the church door a note was 
 put into his hand ; he read it, turned round and went off 
 to his ship. The marriage never took place. It was 
 generally supposed that he had' a wife already, of which 
 fact somebody had become aware, hence the warning note. 
 
 A Sundial in the yard marks the spot of a tragedy. 
 Lord Camelford, Commander of a sloop, ordered a 
 Lieutenant to take his ship outside for patrol duty. The 
 Lieutenant refused on the ground that although his Captain 
 was on leave, he was still the senior ship. Camelford 
 met him in the dockyard, and upon his reiterated refusal, 
 drew a pistol and killed him on the spot. For this he 
 was brought to a court martial that acquitted him on. 
 account of the exigencies of the Service during war-time. 
 Camelford was afterwards killed in a duel in London, it 
 is said by a brother of his victim. Some time before 
 our visit an enormous number of papers were discovered, 
 and among them were several with Nelson's signature. 
 One of the papers brought to light concerned an affair 
 in which an officer ordered his boat's crew to tar and 
 feather his washerwoman. This little jest is also attri- 
 buted to Camelford. English Harbour has probably 
 sheltered such worthies as Teach, Avery, Rackham, and 
 possibly the women Mary Read and Anne Bonny. These 
 ruffians succeeded the more humane, though equally un- 
 scrupulous, Buccaneers, who /made use of Tortuga and who 
 disappeared after the treaty of Utrecht, whereas piracy 
 existed in these waters until the close of the eighteenth! 
 century. 
 
 My visit to Government House, distant from English 
 Harbour fourteen miles, was a long one, and rendered 
 additionally pleasant by the presence of Lady Haynes-
 
 THE TARTAR 249 
 
 Smith and her daughter. The A.D.C. drove over to 
 fetch me in a vehicle with a rumble to it, in which rny 
 baggage was stowed. At an unusally bad place a heavy 
 bump, followed byi a loud crash, betokened disaster. One 
 of the black boys on the box shouted, " De rumble am 
 gone, Sah." It had parted company under the heavy 
 strain. I rode with Miss Haynes-Smith nearly every day, 
 and riding in the tropics (and elsewhere) is the best 
 form of exercise. The Governor was a progressive man, 
 and had the interests of the island at heart. Many im- 
 provements were due to him, not the least being the 
 construction of a reservoir that was badly needed. He 
 was a hospitable man, and gave periodical balls to which 
 everybody with any pretensions to being in society was 
 invited. Staying in the house meant having a reserved 
 seat for the ceremony, for the arrivals were all presented 
 to His Excellency by the A.D.C., and as a guest I formed 
 part of his entourage. The amusement consisted in the 
 solemnity of the guests and in their clothes although 
 Carlyle does say that they don't matter, or words to that 
 effect evening suits of a former generation and evening 
 dresses that were not exactly modelled on Parisian lines. 
 Of course this did not apply to all hands, for there were 
 Belles and Beaux quite in the latest fashion. 
 
 Here one morning, while slumbering peacefully, I was 
 roused by my bed shaking and cantering. At first I 
 thought some one was underneath and playing a joke on 
 me ; then it flashed upon me that it was an earthquake, 
 and hopping out I seized some necessary garments and 
 made tracks for the door. By the time I had reached 
 it the shock was over. This was my second experience, 
 the former being in Jamaica. One morning, while staying; 
 with some friends, I came down to find the dining-room 
 ceiling resting on the floor 1 
 
 One of our periodical French scares now occurred, 
 and we hurried off to St. Lucia to join the Tourmaline. 
 It passed, and we left for Port Royal. The Admiral had 
 commissioned me to buy a pony for him ; they bred 
 capital ponies there, and still do so. With the aid of 
 the Inspector-General of Constabulary, Peel, who was an 
 old friend of mine from the days when he was a subaltern 
 in the Royal Regiment, I purchased a thoroughly good 
 animal, and we embarked hint at Kingston, leaving for 
 Bermuda after shipping him. Mention of Peel reminds 
 me that one night we were dining with the Wfcst Indian
 
 250 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 Regiment at Up Park Camp, Kingston, and he made a 
 wager with a Planter named Hamilton (the stake was 
 100) that the latter would not walk up to the summit 
 of the John Crow Mountain and back in twenty-four hours. 
 Hamilton, who was an athlete, accomplished this feat, much 
 to our astonishment. Those who know the mountain will 
 appreciate the sporting nature of the affair. 
 
 After clearing Jamaica we were perturbed by the un- 
 common phenomenon of a Sundog ; the Sun, clearly visible 
 through a thick mist, was surrounded by an immense 
 halo. Such an occurrence at that time of the year was 
 a bad portent, but nothing happened for three days. Dame 
 Nature was meanwhile stoking up, and then she blew the 
 lid off! We had passed through Turks' Island Passage, 
 and had made an offing of about a hundred miles, when 
 the barometer began to fall, continuing to do so. We 
 made up our minds that we were in for it. By this time 
 the wind was blowing with the force of a gale from the 
 North, with a heavy sea from the East. It was evident 
 that as the centre of the hurricane was coming straight 
 for us, and as we were making no headway, it was time to 
 get. We steamed to the Southward for forty miles, 
 making preparations meanwhile for the coming struggle, 
 and then lay to, which proved to be a pretty tough 
 proposition. One experience of it was quite enough for 
 any of us. While running we were badly pooped, and lost 
 three boats. The force of the wind was now one terrific 
 continuous roar, and the seas were what writers term 
 mountainous, so that must be good enough for me too. 
 This lasted for thirty-two hours, and the only people that 
 scored were the men ; there was nothing to be done, so 
 we let them stay in their hammocks. I spent the whole 
 time on deck, and when I went to my cabin found it a 
 perfect wreck. Clothes, books, and shattered pictures 
 strewed the deck. The little craft behaved admirably, 
 but (except when forced on her beam ends) rolled and 
 pitched in an extremely uncomfortable manner. During 
 the height of the hurricane we used oil bags with marked 
 success. Heavy seas had been breaking on board, but 
 from that time we were free of them. The driving clouds 
 were so low that we were permanently enveloped in a 
 thick mist, accompanied by torrential rain, all these condi- 
 tions being most depressing. Add to all this the difficulty 
 of getting anything to eat or drink, and I think my 
 readers will take my advice, namely, ~ Avoid Hurricanes.*
 
 THE TARTAR 251 
 
 Among other preparation we slung the pony in the 
 horse-box, which saved him from broken legs, but he got 
 a terrible doing, and when the weather cleared and we 
 resumed our course he looked done ; his head hung 
 down, and his eyes were glazed. We bedded down all 
 the hay, lifted him out, and gave him two bottles of 
 stout, which he lapped up as if it was his usual drink. 
 After lying down for half an hour, to our intense surprise 
 and relief he got up and began to eat his bed! But the 
 poor beast had no less than seventeen chafes on him. 
 Three days later we arrived at Bermuda, and I made a 
 signal for a lighter to land a pony. The reply was that 
 it was after hours, and we must wait until the morning. 
 My answer was that it was the Admiral's pony. This 
 promptly produced a lighter. He celebrated his return 
 to terra firma by flinging up his heels and careering round 
 the dockyard, whinnying and neighing. " No more 
 hurricanes for Me." The next ship brought him up, 
 perfectly recovered, and as fit as a fiddle. There he 
 won a lot of races with Sandeman, the Flag-Lieutenant, up. 
 
 At Bermuda I found my family and a note from the 
 Admiral that I might take them up to Halifax. This 
 was another example of his thoughtfulness, for the only 
 steamers between the two places were two wretched old 
 craft that ran at uncertain times, and were alive with 
 cockroaches. 
 
 This time we deserted the ' Waverley ' for the ' Clair- 
 mont/ the latter being close to the dockyard, and it was 
 occupied almost entirely by Service people. A regular case 
 of birds of a feather ! The only objection I had to it was 
 the telephone outside our room, that seemed to be going 
 night and day. Fires at Halifax were pretty frequent 
 most of the houses are built of wood and one night, in 
 response to repeated calls, I had to turn out, and all I got 
 was an inquiry where the fire was. Somewhat irritated, 
 I replied, " In the kitchen Grate," and rang off. I should 
 have been wise to have disconnected, for the operator 
 gave me time to go to sleep again and then rung up once 
 more. Again I turned out to be greeted with a suave 
 voice that said, " I thought you would like to know where 
 the fire really is ; it is in John Street." This time I 
 did disconnect. 
 
 Two happy months, and the usual Southerly move 
 began. We left for Bermuda, and I had my passengers 
 on board again. On arrival the Admiral sent his barge
 
 252 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 for us, and put us up at Admiralty House, for he had 
 found out that some one else had jumped our claim at 
 Boaz Island and we were houseless. He kept us until 
 we found another pied-d-terre at Hamilton, where we 
 took an empty house in Cedar Avenue, hired what furniture 
 was absolutely necessary, and extemporized the rest, using 
 empty boxes and baths and such -like truck. Covered 
 with rugs and spreads, it all looked quite respectable 
 if not permanent, and we christened it ' Our Flat ' in re- 
 membrance of a comedy of that name. I had just time 
 to install the family before leaving again for Antigua, 
 making for English Harbour again, where we remained 
 for a few days. The Governor was away, but we were 
 cheered by a visit from the Master, who drove over with a 
 Catholic priest, Father Fogerty, who was most popular 
 with the ' Tartars.' He was a fine type of Irishman, but 
 in my opinion was more fitted to be a soldier or a sailor ; 
 he found himself a priest and made the best of it. Like 
 most of his countrymen, he was a good judge of a horse, 
 and always had a good one in his stable. He was also 
 a judge of cocktails, and his excellent housekeeper, a 
 buxom quadroon girl, was an adept at mixing them. 
 
 During our previous visit we had noted the quality 
 of the dockyard bell. We arrived at the conclusion that 
 it was wasting its sweetness on unappreciative ears, and 
 that it might be put to a better purpose than summoning 
 children of the negro race to school. When we left 
 the place, by some extraordinary juggling trick, the bell 
 was on board the Tartar and ours was hanging in its 
 place. On examination we found that it bore the in- 
 scription 'Ceres' and the date 1794. It had been 
 captured in a Spanish frigate, and owed the sweetness of 
 its tone to a strong alloy of silver. Anyway, the spirit 
 of the bell must have found itself in more congenial 
 surroundings on board a warship. Of course I knew 
 nothing about it until the nefarious deed had been com- 
 mitted and we had left the harbour. But the inhabitants 
 of the place memorialized the Governor, and when we 
 visited St. John's I had to promise His Excellency that 
 it should be restored the next time we visited English 
 Harbour. It was long odds against our going there again, 
 and I took care to warn my successor of the penalty of 
 visiting that place. 
 
 Thence to Barbadoes, where we found the German 
 frigate Stein. I dined with the Leicestcrs, and some of
 
 THE TARTAR 253 
 
 these men were guests. The individual next to me got 
 quite drunk and an intolerable nuisance ; presently he got 
 up and staggered out, coming back after an interval, 
 much to our disgust, for I hoped we had got rid of him. 
 I discovered that he had behaved as we are told the 
 ancient Romans did at their banquets. A fine example 
 of German Kultur! 
 
 I had long wished to visit Martinique, so left for 
 Fort Royal, where their dockyard is situated. We found 
 the town had been ruined by a hurricane and a subsequent 
 fire, but that it was being rebuilt by the enterprising 
 French. We left for St. Pierre. This town was thoroughly 
 French, and some of us went on shore to sample the 
 cuisine as a change. After calling on the Consul we 
 went off to the leading hotel, and with the intelligent 
 and sympathetic proprietor elaborated a most fetching 
 menu. All arrangements being completed, we were about 
 to sally forth for a further inspection, when the Consul's 
 boy arrived with a telegram for me that conveyed orders 
 from the Admiral to proceed to St. Thomas and render 
 assistance to a mail steamer on shore. Our gastronomic 
 dreams were rudely shattered, our epicurean ambitions 
 dissolved, and in an hour's time we were steaming out of 
 the harbour. 
 
 As we steamed away from this engaging town none of 
 us foresaw the terrible doom in store for it. High over- 
 head the picturesque peak of Mont Pelee towered, and 
 on its western slopes, washed by the sea and bathed in 
 the sun, the town spread itself out peacefully. Early in 
 May, 1902, the imprisoned forces of the volcano began 
 to stoke up, and steam and smoke issued from its peak, 
 but lulled to security by long immunity, the people took 
 no heed. Suddenly the overweighted valve blew off 
 and took the greater part of the peak with it, and a volume 
 of poisonous gas, accompanied by red-hot cinders and 
 lava, poured out and downward, enveloping the entire 
 town. In a few minutes the whole of the population had 
 ceased to exist and the town was blotted out. A British 
 steamer, the Roddam, that had just anchored, managed 
 to crawl out with the loss of some lives and carry the 
 news of this appalling disaster. 
 
 On arrival at St. Thomas we found the S.S. Eden 
 badly on shore on Buck Island, just outside the harbour. 
 How she could get there nobody could imagine except 
 the Captain who was in charge at the time. Apparently
 
 254 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 he thought she was fitted to make an overland trip. 
 There were too many rocks through her bottom, and the 
 job was beyond us, so I advised the Captain to telegraph 
 to the owners to send out a proper salvage vessel. 
 
 Before leaving we went into harbour, which used to be 
 used as a sort of Clapham Junction by the ocean steamers, 
 and whence passengers were distributed to the island 
 boats. Although a Danish island, the language in use was 
 English. 
 
 A very annoying incident occurred on the evening of 
 
 our arrival. Cooper-Key and myself were dining with the 
 
 Governor, and as the ship had been coaling all day, to save 
 
 the men we used the skiff dinghy, a useful little boat 
 
 pulled by two boys. We had only gone about three 
 
 hundred yards before we became painfully aware of the 
 
 fact that the Nixe's steam launch, steaming without lights, 
 
 was bearing down upon us. We shouted to attract her 
 
 attention, but all in vain, and she drove right over us. 
 
 We were in about thirty fathoms of water, and there were 
 
 plenty of sharks in the harbour. However, the boat 
 
 backed and picked us up. Finding that the coxswain 
 
 understood English, I gave him the rough side of my 
 
 tongue, and told him to go and report it to his officer, 
 
 and tell him that it was the most incredibly lubberly 
 
 performance imaginable. The Tartar had heard the crash, 
 
 and a whaler promptly ar ived, to which we transferred. 
 
 When we arrived on board and explained matters, it 
 
 would have done the Germans good to hear what was 
 
 said of them. While we were getting out of our wet 
 
 clothes a cutter arrived from the Nixe with an apologetic 
 
 officer. In the meantime I had despatched an officer to 
 
 the Governor with explanations, and in reply got a message 
 
 from him that he would be glad if I would come up 
 
 later. Accordingly we landed and found when I got 
 
 there everyone wanted to know whose boat it was that 
 
 had caused the accident. I whispered to a Dane, "It 
 
 was not a Danish Boat." This was passed round among 
 
 them, and it was easy to see how relieved they were. 
 
 Later the German Captain joined me, and by way of 
 
 being polite I said that I honM he would not punish 
 
 the man too severely, thinking that he would say that he 
 
 would let him off being shot or something of that sort, 
 
 but he only shrugged his shoulders and said, "So I 
 
 shall not punish him." 
 
 After this we returned to Bermuda and had another
 
 THE TARTAR 255 
 
 spell at Hamilton, where we spent Christmas, 1893, and 
 then left with the squadron for the winter cruise. The 
 usual routine of the cruises was followed visits to all 
 the British islands, finishing with Trinidad, whence we 
 went to Port Royal. At all the places (but we did not 
 know it) we were paying our farewell visit, for we never 
 came South again. 
 
 At Trinidad the Master joined us as my guest, and 
 remained until we were ordered off from Jamaica. We 
 then transferred him to the Partridge, the Captain of 
 which, Macalister (known as the MacPartridge), was one of 
 the best. During our stay at Kingston the Master and 
 I did the sights thoroughly. We parted with him with 
 unfeigned regret, and in after-years I frequently met him 
 with pleasure. Although I did not agree with him 
 politically, his advancement was no surprise to me. I 
 always felt that he would succeed, and sincerely regretted 
 his premature death. 
 
 We were ordered to Cartagena, and we found it worth 
 a visit. Formerly one of the chief ports of Colombia, 
 it had been displaced by Sabanilla farther to the Eastward, 
 but nothing can deprive it of interest. This old Spanish 
 town, surrounded by walls of extraordinary thickness, must 
 have been impregnable from the land side under past 
 conditions of warfare, and almost so from the sea, as 
 Admiral Vernon found to his cost when he, with General 
 Wentworth, attacked it in 1741. The city is to a great 
 extent surrounded by water, and on account of rocks and 
 surf is unapproachable from the sea side. The entrance 
 to the harbour is through the Boca Chica, about six miles 
 to the Westward. Steaming through this, past the old 
 forts, and threading our way through innumerable islands, 
 we came into the inner harbour and anchored in security. 
 The Vice -Consul came off and took some of us for a 
 drive with him. All the guns had disappeared, and the 
 fine buildings were mostly decaying. There was no sign 
 of business activity. Walking on the walls and looking 
 into the town, it looked like a city of the dead. 
 
 A short run took us to Sabanilla, the harbour that 
 has supplanted Cartagena. We took the train up to 
 Barranquilla, a horribly sandy place, and very interesting. 
 This town, in the province of Bolivar, named after the 
 great Liberator, does not seem to have inherited his 
 energetic character. Perhaps, as it is only in its youth, 
 it may materialize, for Colombia is one of the most richly
 
 256 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 minerally endowed parts of the world. As a set-off the 
 climate is very much on the hot side. 
 
 Thence we started off for Santa Marta to the East- 
 ward. This is the harbour that Kingsley has immor- 
 talized in Westward Ho! When anchored in the little 
 bay, and while smoking a meditative cigar after dinner 
 on the poop under the brilliant moon and stars, it was 
 not hard to picture Amyas Legh (gallant son of Devon), 
 with his trusty follower, Salvation Yeo, swimming noise- 
 lessly off to the great galleon City of the Cross, swords 
 in their mouths, and determination in their souls. In 
 the background towered the dark and forbidding outlines 
 of the Sierra de Perija. whence the Bishop of Cartagena 
 with some expenditure of slaves procured the snow to 
 cool his wine. Well, he had that luxury up to the end. 
 But once on shore the romance faded, and the stern reality 
 of sand and heat made one feel less romantic. 
 
 The town is laid out on the block system. Several 
 of the old Spanish buildings are still in use, arid the 
 modern ones are pretty and artistically arranged, all of 
 them washed in light colours. It is lavishly lit with 
 electric light. The country round is full of bird life ; 
 it was the first place where I saw wild canaries. The 
 Consul gave me two fine macaws that I took to Halifax 
 and presented to Lady Hopkins, and a Spanish Senora 
 gave me a very handsome yellow and black bird, not 
 unlike a Mynah. 
 
 From Santa Marta we went to Hayti, calling at the 
 island of Navassa on the way. This island is quite a 
 small one off Cap Trois, and has been a valuable asset 
 on account of its phosphate. It was worked by an 
 American firm, and there were rumours of a tragedy, and 
 my going there was rather as an amateur sleuth. It 
 is little more than a huge rock, and rises steeply from 
 the sea on all sides. It can only be boarded at one 
 place, and that only when wind and sea permit, and I was 
 hoisted out of my boat in a large iron bucket worked 
 by a steam crane. The two white men who were in 
 charge of the works, and who had 143 labourers under 
 them, met me and took me round. They told me 
 that their predecessors had put down a mutiny of the 
 workers with rifles and revolvers, and had killed several. 
 As these people were all American citizens in a Haytian 
 island, we had no status. I strongly suspected that the 
 two men speaking to me had been the chief performers
 
 THE TARTAR 257 
 
 in this affair, but I did not press the point. The labourers 
 were a most villainous -look ing crowd, and looked ripe for 
 another explosion, but they had no arms, and the foremen 
 professed themselves quite able to deal with them. I 
 noticed that they were well heeled. 
 
 At Hayti Tweedie came off and carried me off to his 
 house, where we spent a cool night, and after breakfast 
 we drove in and I took another look at the Cathiedral, 
 The pale-faced Nuns were still there. I imagine they 
 almost lived in the comparatively cool Cathedral, and the 
 black Madonna and Mulatto Child still hung on the wall. 
 Then Northward Ho, and in a couple of days we passed 
 out of the tropics and bade adieu to its fascinations and 
 heat for the last time. 
 
 In a few days we were back at Hamilton again. 
 The King's Regiment had gone to Halifax, and the 
 Royal Berkshire had taken its place. .We got on 
 very well with this fine regiment, and I occasionally 
 meet some of them now, but alas! the number is 
 reduced. During this visit I saw the most perfect 
 waterspout. It travelled from North to South across 
 the island, and was of great diameter and height. 
 It must have contained millions of tons of water. 
 The ship was now ordered to be got ready for 
 a trip to Boston, U.S.A., in attendance on the 
 Blake. This gave us much satisfaction. 
 
 We had now to give up ' Our Flat,' and left it with 
 regret after many happy days in it. It seemed hard to 
 leave just as it was looking its best. The lilies wtere 
 superb, especially the Red Canna, but anything will grow 
 in this fortunate island. I hear that no motor-cars are 
 allowed, and it is to be hoped they never will be, for they 
 would make the place unbearable ; a motor-boat is the 
 proper method of travel about the islands. 
 
 Captain J. Carr, the head of the dockyard, took in 
 the family for the few remaining days. This kind- 
 hearted hospitable man was a round peg in a round hole. 
 All his friends will remember his butler, who had been 
 with him many years, and always spoke of ' Us ' and 
 ' We,' so thoroughly did he identify himself with his 
 master. He had been with Carr in his married days, 
 and when discussing the late Mrs. Carr with me he 
 said with great feeling, " The Captain was very much 
 attached to her, Sir ; I don't think we shall ever marry 
 again! ' 
 
 17
 
 258 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 Carr, the most courteous squire of dames, was escorting 
 a lady to see her husband off. She was very fond of 
 her husband, who shared a good deal of her affection 
 with a dachshund that belonged to her. The husband 
 could not take the wife, but to save trouble he obediently 
 carried off the dog. They parted, and like black -eyed 
 Susan on the shore, she stood and gazed and gazed the 
 more. Carr waited patiently and becomingly. "Ah! ' 
 she cried, " he's looking at m, he's still looking at me." 
 Carr politely acquiesced, thinking it was no more than a 
 good husband ought to do. " Now! " she exclaimed, 
 "he's wagging his taill ' When Carr recovered he 
 realized that it was the dog and not the man that she 
 had been alluding to all the time. 
 
 The Admiral had asked my wife whether she would 
 prefer to go to Boston in the Blake or Tartar, which 
 was the first intimation that we had that she was going. 
 Of course she was not going to inflict herself on him 
 while she had a husband available, and just before we 
 sailed she came off with the boy and nurse. We arrived 
 at Boston on the 23rd of May, 1894, and proceeded up 
 harbour amid a scene of great enthusiasm. The syrens 
 hooted and the trippers sang, apparently hymns of welcome. 
 We put up at the ' Brunswick,' where American priqes 
 made an English sovereign go about as far as two or 
 three dollars. 
 
 Boston was full of interest for us ; the English of the 
 
 Bostonians is pure and without accent. The Americans 
 
 have a saying, " Boston for culture, New York for money, 
 
 and Washington for family." Certainly all the Bostonians 
 
 that we came in contact with were charming, and there 
 
 is a great air of culture about the city. A great object of 
 
 interest to me was the old city hall that dated from the 
 
 time of the British, and had still the Royal Arms on it. 
 
 An act of great tolerance when we recall that Boston was 
 
 the fons et origo of the revolution. Neither did they 
 
 buck about the battle of Bunker's Hill (which hill, of 
 
 course, we were taken to see), and perhaps they are right, 
 
 for our people ought never to have taken it, and only 
 
 succeeded at the third attempt. This occurred in June, 
 
 1775, and the same month of 1814 witnessed the duel 
 
 between the Shannon and the Chesapeake, fought off the 
 
 mouth of the harbour, and witnessed by many thousands 
 
 of people who lined the heights. The latter ship, although 
 
 nominally a match for the former, owed her defeat to
 
 THE TARTAR 259 
 
 the superior gunfire and discipline that had been inculcated 
 by Captain Broke. 
 
 We trammed out to Harvard and admired the buildings 
 both outside and in. The University more than realized 
 our expectations, and only lacked antiquity to complete 
 the charm. But what are a few hundred years! 
 
 The Navy yard drew us naturally, and we discovered 
 many kindred spirits, and got a hearty welcome. In the 
 yard we were shown the Vesuvius, a craft that discharged 
 a dynamite bomb. I don't think it had been quite a 
 success. The officer who showed it to us seemed rather 
 ashamed of such a method of warfare, and said that he 
 did not think it was fair fighting, with which we agreed. 
 Thanks to the Hun, we have all learnt that anything that 
 will destroy an adversary, whether by fair means or foul, is 
 allowable. The Mayor, according to custom, entertained 
 us, and we were treated to much oratory, some of it 
 of a high order. On this occasion, much to my relief, 
 I was not called upon to orate, and when we broke 
 up I said as much to the Mayor. He evidently thought 
 I had a grievance, for he said, "I'll call them 
 all back." I hurriedly explained, and stopped him 
 doing so. 
 
 We left Boston with regret. The people and the 
 city had impressed all of us, and they had given us 
 a whole-hearted welcome. Our exit was similar to 
 our entry, and accompanied with even more waving and 
 cheering. These visits between the Americans and our- 
 selves should take place oftener ; they promote good 
 relations. 
 
 We put into Bar Harbour, the great summer resort 
 of rich Americans. As it was the month of May, they had 
 not arrived, so we had the place almost entirely to our- 
 selves. The absence of visitors enhanced the charm and 
 added to our enjoyment of the neighbourhood. The 
 beautiful and imposing houses standing empty in well- 
 kept grounds gave us an impression of a fashionable and 
 bustling throng during the season. 
 
 A short run to St. John's, New Brunswick, and we 
 were among the homes of the loyal colonists who re- 
 treated there during the revolution. Here we were among 
 our own people again, and of course the principal function 
 was a cricket rrntch ; fortune declared against us. The 
 town is close to the mouth of the river of the same name, 
 that flows into the Bay of Fundy. The rise and fall of
 
 260 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 the tide here is phenomenal, and averages sixty feet. 
 Just above the town the river is crossed by a bridge, 
 and it is shallow underneath ; the consequence is that 
 owing to this remarkable rise and fall there is a waterfall 
 to the East on the ebb tide and one to the West on flood 
 tide. I imagine this is a unique phenomenon. After 
 another brief season of entertainment we returned to 
 Halifax. St. John's is an attractive and progressive town 
 judging by what we saw of it, and when we reflected 
 that most of the residents were descendants of people 
 who had testified their loyalty to the old country, at, in 
 many instances, great personal loss, we at once felt 
 a kindly sentiment toward them. During our stay my 
 wife and I put up at the Royal Hotel, another familiar 
 symbol. 
 
 It being the fishing season, I took a hand at it under 
 the guidance of Alderson, an adept at the gentle art. 
 The lakes near Halifax are full of trout, but the pest of 
 flies was unendurable, and robbed one of all enjoyment. 
 There was a good deal of polo played, and it is always 
 a good game to watch. A very enjoyable factor was the 
 open-air concerts in the public gardens at night. Some 
 of the best singers of Canada and the States were engaged, 
 and on a fine night with the good orchestra provided 
 a first-class entertainment. About this time the new 
 Governor-General, Lord Aberdeen, with Lady Aberdeen, 
 arrived in succession to Lord and Lady Derby. The 
 latter had achieved universal popularity, so that the former 
 started with a heavy handicap. 
 
 To wind up "we gave an At Home on board the Tartar, 
 and after taking the ship outside to give a display of 
 running torpedoes, we steamed into Bedford Basin and 
 anchored for the most important part of the show, refresh- 
 ment for the inner man and woman. I think the ' Tartars ' 
 did their guests well ; if we believed what they said to us 
 on departure we did. 
 
 On August 8th we started with a squadron for "Quebec, 
 on what proved to be our last cruise. We arrived at 
 Quebec and moored in two lines, Blake, Canada, 
 Tourmaline, Magicienne, Tartar, and Partridge. As it was 
 our last visit, I went round the old spots again, and paid 
 farewell visits to the Falls of Montmorency, Plains of 
 Abraham, and the battlements. The Admiral had promised 
 the people of Montreal that he would bring some ships 
 there, but the Blake drew too much water to get up.
 
 THE TARTAR 261 
 
 He selected the Tartar to take him, and sent the other 
 four in advance. Accordingly the next morning we 
 started, having proudly hoisted the Admiral's flag, and that 
 evening picked up the others just below Montreal, and 
 we then led the procession ; it was a gratifying moment. 
 The little ship did the passage in fine style, steaming over 
 fifteen knots all the way. .With the Admiral were Lady 
 Hopkins, Miss Hopkins, and his Staff. I have in my 
 smoking-room a souvenir of this trip in the form of a 
 handsome water-colour of the Tartar (Vice-Admiral's 
 flag at the fore), sent me later by J. O. H. I need 
 scarcely say it is one of my valued mementoes. 
 
 We landed a brigade of seamen and marines, an 
 unusual spectacle to the Montrealians, and one that was 
 greatly enjoyed. During this visit the ' Tartars ' were able 
 to render valuable assistance at a fire, and to show appre- 
 ciation the Mayor (who rejoiced in the historic name of 
 Villeneuve) and Council voted a sum of money as an 
 honorarium. By the unanimous wish of the men it was 
 expended on a large photographic group of officers and 
 men, then framed and presented to the Council, who 
 ordered it to be hung in the council-room with a suitable 
 inscription. This action was quite in keeping with ihe 
 excellent spirit of the ship's company. An ancient member 
 of the Town Council, who was present when King Edward 
 visited Montreal as Prince of Wales, told me a story of 
 that time. The Mayor (perhaps with an eye to business) 
 showed the Prince a gold watch, saying, " When your 
 Royal Highness' brother visited Montreal he gave me 
 this watch." The Prince looked at it, and then remarked, 
 "Did he! He never gave me one." 
 
 While at Montreal our orders for paying off arrived, 
 to recommission at Bermuda, so on quitting Montreal we 
 only spent one night at Quebec, and I enjoyed a farewell 
 tete-a-tete dinner with the Admiral. When I said good- 
 bye to him it was with real sorrow, not only at leaving the 
 command, but also at parting with a man who had been 
 a true friend to me. The next morning, when we 
 weighed and left the squadron, we were sped by farewell 
 cheers from the ships and the strains of ' Auld Lang 
 Syne ' from the flagship. After we had passed the flagship 
 a farewell signal was made to us, " The Tartar is looking 
 very nice as usual." It was our farewell pat on, the 
 back. 
 
 We arrived at Halifax on August 3ist, and remained
 
 262 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 for five days, a crowded time of farewells. The King's 
 gave us a farewell dinner, and after I had arrived home and 
 turned in, my wife and I were serenaded (about 3 a.m.) 
 by a party of the King's and ' Tartars.' Finally I had to 
 turn out and quaff a farewell beaker of champagne ; not 
 until then would these good fellows depart. The whole 
 proceedings amused my wife very much, but I don't know 
 what the other inhabitants of the ' Clairmont ' thought of it. 
 I didn't ask them. 
 
 My wife, boy, and nurse booked in the S.S. Damara, 
 and 1 had the satisfaction of knowing that they would be 
 home to welcome me. .We found Bermuda in its usual 
 place, and at once went into the Camber and began 
 preparations for paying off. Captain Carr had gone home, 
 having been relieved by Brackenbury, generally known 
 as Toby, an equally good fellow though of quite a different 
 type. He was very musical, and had trained a party 
 to play hand -bells. I believe he did this in every ship 
 that he commanded. He sang Spanish songs (a language 
 that he spoke very well) to his own accompaniment. He 
 was a delightful companion, very excitable, and when in 
 that state still more amusing. 
 
 The first mail from Halifax brought me a letter from 
 the Admiral, of which I give an excerpt, with a hope 
 that my readers will pardon my conceit in doing so. After 
 saying that he had ordered the Tartar to be ready after 
 Christmas, he goes on to say, " Alas, without her present 
 lot, and I can't say how much I shall miss you and your 
 cheery face and 4 Ready, aye, Ready ' mind. I felt quite 
 low when you passed Blake and vanished into open space, 
 and all that ' Jeff ' [here he refers to Admiral HornbyJ 
 says of ' Comradeship ' in a squadron was uppermost in 
 my mind. It is some satisfaction to have had you with 
 me for two and a half years out of my three, and now that 
 my time is running short I can better afford to part with 
 one whose epitaph should run when he left the station, 
 'He played the Game.' ' 
 
 It had been an honour and a pleasure to serve under 
 this man, and the crown was set on my service by the 
 receipt of the above. But had it not been for my officers 
 and men the Tartar could not have achieved such a 
 success. Led by the First-Lieutenant, Cooper-Key, the 
 ship's company became a human and not a mechanical 
 machine. He was possessed of great tact and ability, 
 and very soon earned the esteem of the men. I could
 
 THE TARTAR 263 
 
 not have selected better officers than the Admiralty sent 
 me, and I parted from all of them with genuine sorrow 
 and met them' in after-life with gladness. 
 
 In a month's time the ship that was to take the 
 crew home arrived. It was the Tyne, and as I was senior 
 to the Captain,, I had to go home by my lonesome in a 
 mail steamer via New York. On October 25th we paid 
 off, the ceremony being performed by Toby, who made 
 us a typical speech of commendation. The 27th of 
 October, 1894, saw the Tyne take away my friends and 
 comrades, Moubray taking our dog Tartar home for me. 
 I watched them with a sad heart until I could no longer 
 distinguish their faces. The next morning I embarked 
 in the S.S. Trinidad for New York. 
 
 On arrival at New York, after transferring my baggage 
 to the Majestic!, I called on the Captain and found him 
 at tea, the well-known Dean Hole being with him 1 , so 
 I had some interesting conversation. I then went off 
 to the racquet club, and found James Motley, with whom 
 I dined. The Majestic was at that time the crack liner ; 
 she belonged to the White Star Line, and the following 
 morning the manager, Maitland Kersey, came on board, 
 and sending for the chief steward ordered him to give me 
 a cabin to myself, to wait on me every day, and take my 
 orders for dinner. My table companions, finding this 
 out, elected me mess president. I think they had no 
 reason to complain of my catering. 
 
 We made a good passage in spite of the fact that 
 she had lost a blade of the starboard propeller, averaging 
 over nineteen knots, good going for those days. I won 
 one of the ' Daily-Run ' lotteries, which cleared my casual 
 expenses, for they were worth having, and we arrived 
 at Liverpool at 8.30 a.m. on November 7th, and by 
 5 p.m. the following day I was in Worthing, where my 
 wife had gone to be with her brother. 
 
 Thus terminated one of the happiest periods of my 
 Service life, during which the ship travelled 44,728 miles 
 and visited sixty-five places. 
 
 A Commander-in -Command has just enough" responsi- 
 bility and not too much ; that comes later ; but the chief 
 factors of my happiness were the character of the 
 Commander-in -Chief and the loyalty of my officers. My 
 brother Captains were indeed so, not only in name, and 
 I take the opportunity of paying tribute to one in particular, 
 the Honourable Assheton Gore Curzon-Howe, Captain of
 
 264 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 the Cleopatra. Beloved by all who knew him, he was 
 a man who spent his life in doing kind and thoughtful 
 actions for others. A fine officer, his comparatively early 
 death deeply affected all who knew him, and their heart- 
 felt sympathy went out to his equally popular wife, Lady 
 Curzon-Howe, in her grievous trial. 
 
 OLIM MEMINISSE JUVABIT.
 
 CHAPTER XVI 
 H.M.S. MAGDALA 
 
 We envy not the warmer clime that lies 
 In ten degrees of more indulgent skies. 
 
 THE first thing to be done on arrival home after a long 
 absence is to renew one's kit. With the men it is always 
 ' I must get some clothes,' and with the women, ' I haven't 
 got a thing to wear.' I imagine this is the experience 
 of most of us. So we very soon found ourselves in 
 London. It is rather humiliating to discover how little 
 one has been missed, except by the particular little circle 
 of friends and relations to which you belong. I went to 
 my club. "Any letters?" I inquired of the same hall 
 porter. He looked. " None, Sir," and then added, as 
 a sort of afterthought, " You've been away lately I think, 
 Sir? " " About three years," I replied, feeling that any- 
 way I had been remembered. After lunch in the smoking- 
 room, when ordering an old brandy with my coffee, the 
 waiter said, " The same you always have, Sir? " This 
 was almost more gratifying. 
 
 After a spell in Town we took a small house at 
 Blackheath, not far from the Naval College. Before 
 leaving London we experienced the bitter winter of 
 1894-95, that lasted some weeks. On this occasion we 
 were not quite in agreement with Addison's pronouncement 
 at the head of this chapter. While in Town I dined in 
 the Tower with an officer of the Grenadier Battalion 
 stationed there. It was an enjoyable and interesting 
 experience, for it was ended somewhat abruptly at 
 ten o'clock by the arrival of Beefeaters and Warders, who 
 escorted the guests to the main gate in obedience to orders 
 that all strangers must quit at that hour. I have some- 
 times longed for a similar regulation by which one could 
 get rid of wearisome guests. My host was one of the 
 
 266
 
 266 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 gallant band that fell upholding so gloriously the honour 
 of their country and their regiment during the retreat from 
 Mons. That story makes one's heart swell with pride 
 that we are entitled to call such men our fellow-country- 
 men. Truly they deserve the title of heroes, which lately 
 has been so lavishly and mistakenly bestowed upon shining 
 lights of the football field and cinema screen. Not long 
 ago one of the daily papers informed us that a certain 
 lady was going to uphold the ' Honour ' of England 
 at lawn tennis. Surely the ' Credit ' of England is a 
 better word to use. It is rather saddening to discover 
 that in the minds of the multitude the ' Honour ' of the 
 country depends upon supremacy in games. I maintain 
 that the ' Honour ' of the country consists as it used to 
 in something higher and nobler. An Englishman's 
 word used to be his bond. Is it so now? Surely a 
 country's ' Honour ' depends upon her acting in good 
 faith, in keeping her word, and in the probity of her 
 mercantile transactions. 
 
 On January i, 1895, my promotion to Captain was 
 gazetted ; another spell of half -pay! At Blackheath we 
 found a lot of old friends, and one of my old C.-in-C.'s, 
 Sir Walter Hunt-Grubbe, as Admiral at the College. 
 
 The Heath itself had a bad reputation after dark. 
 When we lived there formerly it was considered dangerous, 
 for the terrible series of crimes committed by ' Jack the 
 Ripper ' were then being perpetrated, and many people 
 believed that he lived in Blackheath. His victims were 
 invariably women of the unfortunate class, and it was 
 evident that he was a homicidal maniac with a grudge 
 against such people. He was never caught, although it 
 was sometimes stated that he had been and was confined 
 in Broadmoor. A lady tailing on us at this time remained 
 rather late, and on starting found that it had become 
 dark ; she had to cross the Heath. As she was 
 hesitating, a cab with a fare passed ; she seized the oppor- 
 tunity and the back rail of the cab, and ran behind it until 
 she reached the lights of the village and safety. 
 
 A brother officer was walking home across the Heath. 
 A man came out of the bushes and asked what the time 
 was. This is an old dodge, and my friend was up to 
 it. " Just struck One," he replied, and he knocked him 
 down and ran for it. Looking back, he saw another man 
 emerging from the bushes. 
 
 I took full advantage of the Navy Club dinners, where
 
 H.M.S. MAGDALA 267 
 
 one met so many brother officers. At one of them, 
 presided over by a distinguished Admiral, he proposed 
 the toast of .' Absent Memoers,' remarking that what he 
 liked so much about the Club was that " One met old 
 friends that one had never seen before." This bull 
 brought down the house. We knew what he meant, for 
 undoubtedly the chief charm of these reunions is meeting 
 men that you have known and liked and only see rarely. 
 
 This period of half-pay was further enlivened by 
 private theatricals that took place in the Theatre of the 
 Greenwich Hospital School. Here we played Uncle, 
 and later on the well-known Our Boys, both by Byron, 
 when I made my final appearance as Perkin Middle wick, 
 the old Butter Man. We had a very good cast for 
 both pieces, and an indulgent audience, so they both 
 went off well. After this I confined my energies to stage 
 management, recitations and songs. 
 
 In November, 1896, I was offered command of the 
 Magdala at Bombay, and on January 15, 1897, my wife 
 and I sailed from Tilbury in the S.S. Arcadia, the alloy 
 to our happiness being that we had to leave our boy behind. 
 
 Before leaving we let our little house furnished. The 
 agent was much interested in some valuable miniatures. 
 He persuaded me to insure them for 100. We stored 
 such things and other valuables in a reserved room and 
 locked it up. Soon after our arrival I got a letter from 
 him saying that the house had been burgled, and the 
 miniatures, a collection of coins and some foreign postage 
 stamps stolen. Moral never employ a house agent who 
 is a Virtuoso. After a day at Gib we arrived at Malta, 
 and found my old Chief, J. O. H. (now C.-in-C. in the 
 Mediterranean), and had time for a good long yarn. I 
 took my wife ashore at Port Said, which place had im- 
 proved, and transhipping at Aden into the Shannon we 
 reached Bombay on February 6, 1897. 
 
 My command was a very good one. It was known 
 as the ' Indian Defence,' and consisted of the Turret 
 Ship Magdala in commission with the Abyssinia, another 
 turret ship ; in reserve, two torpedo gunboats, the Assaye 
 and Plassy, the former in commission, and eight torpedo 
 boats. The personnel numbered over a thousand men and 
 officers. The Indian Government made us an allowance 
 in addition to our pay. 
 
 My old friend, Sir John Hext, a retired Rear-Admiral, 
 was Director of Indian Marine. He was on leave, but
 
 268 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 had left word that we were to take his bungalow in the 
 dockyard until we were suited with quarters. John Hext 
 was the soul of hospitality, and one of the best and 
 cheeriest men I ever met. 
 
 The Admiralty had fitted out an obsolete troopship 
 as quarters for the European officers and men ot the 
 defence. The Admiral, E. C. Drummond, granted me 
 permission to put my wife up in my quarters, so after 
 making some necessary alterations we shifted over to the 
 fenasserim, and very comfortable, cosy and cool quarters 
 they proved to be. 
 
 Bombay was in a bad way with the plague. The 
 mortality was over two hundred a day at one time, and it 
 took most vigorous measures to reduce it ; it was still 
 prevalent when we left three years afterwards. It rarely 
 attacked a white man, and I can only recall three deaths 
 among Europeans while we were there. But it was an 
 unhappy state of affairs, and the burning Ghat was always 
 busy. Very often they threw the corpses into the sea, 
 and we saw them floating past the ship. I believe the 
 proper course to pursue is not to worry. It used to be 
 the last thing we talked about at the Yacht Club, the 
 great rendezvous for the Sahib Log. The Club was on 
 the Bund opposite the ship, and I became Vice -Commodore 
 and a member of the Committee. 
 
 Bombay then was an extraordinarily fascinating place. 
 It possessed a population of nearly a million, and among 
 it were people from every part of the East and a large 
 number of Parsis. In the bazaars were Chinamen whose 
 shops were full of Chinese wares and curios of excellent 
 quality at reasonable prices, one for tourists and another 
 for residents. It was no use trying to bargain with them. 
 Excursions to the bazaar ' were always amusing and 
 interesting. The streets were narrow, smelly, and not 
 too well kept, and the houses of which there were no 
 two alike fearfully ramshackle and innocent of paint, 
 mostly built of wood and highly decorated. The majority 
 of them carried an air of mystery, and one speculated 
 as to what sort of work or business the occupants were 
 engaged upon. We always drove on these occasions ; 
 no one of any pretensions ever walked, and the first 
 purchase I made was a Victoria and a pair of horses, one 
 a country bred and the other a waler. My stables were 
 close to the ship. 
 
 The mild Hindoo, with his caste mark on his forehead,
 
 H.M.S. MAGDALA 269 
 
 predominated, but he had to make way for the Afghan, 
 Pathan, Sikh, Baluch, or any fighting man, or be hustled 
 into the gutter. Filthy Fakirs abounded, and an occasional 
 Yogi. The haughty Brahmin was the most impressive 
 of this motley throng. All these poured past in a constant 
 stream. Occasionally we met a man apparently stupefied 
 by bhang or opium. In addition to the shops and houses 
 there was a liberal sprinkling of temples and' mosques, 
 from whence issued beating of tomtoms, clashing of gongs, 
 and ringing of bells. Add to this innumerable beggars in 
 disgusting rags, native children in the scantiest of attire, 
 and you have a faint idea of the crowd. Every now and 
 then came the native soldier with the air of a conqueror, 
 clean and erect as he strode along. Then there were 
 the smells, the variety and diversity of which were re- 
 markable, the flights of parrots, the bullock gharries with 
 a load of native women heavily veiled, the gharry wallah 
 sitting on the shaft and twisting the animal's tail to 
 make him go, and an occasional ticca gharry with a white 
 man or an Eurasian, and you have an inkling of what the 
 bazaar portion of the city was like. 
 
 This part of the city housed the native merchants. 
 In the suburbs, especially near the cotton mills, lived 
 the coolies and lower class of tradesmen, professional 
 beggars et hoc genus omne, and finally there were quarters 
 that one did not drive through. They were inhabited 
 by women of the ancient and in the East honourable 
 profession of the Courtesan tribe. Here were women of 
 every nation under the sun, bar British. 
 
 Many Europeans lived when their means permitted, 
 and sometimes when they did not on Malabar Hill. On 
 its ridge were some sumptuous bungalows. This quarter 
 was the fashionable drive in the afternoon after the midday 
 siesta, after which a return was made to the Yacht Club 
 for tea and ' Gup,' enlivened by a band on the lawn. 
 In driving to Malabar Hill we had to pass Sonapur, the 
 burning Ghat (that seemed to be for ever busy), and run 
 the gauntlet of an insufferable odour. We paid a visit 
 to it, and were not much impressed. The body is laid 
 on a pile of logs and then others are stacked on it ; plenty 
 of kindling wood is added, and then the mourning party 
 walk round the pile chanting and beating tomtoms : finally 
 the chief mourner sets fire to the pyre. It is not edifying, 
 and we fled before it was half over. At the towers of 
 silence the Parsis expose their dead on a grating, and the
 
 270 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 expectant vultures, perched on trees in the vicinity, swoop 
 down after the attendants have withdrawn. 
 
 Many Europeans lived in the fort, the most central 
 part of the city, and there were some good bungalows 
 on the edge of the Maidan (an open plain). Among 
 them were those of the Admiral and General. At Colaba, 
 the western end of the island, were the quarters of the 
 British troops, the gunners having a permanent mess 
 celebrated for its hospitality. In my time it had a great 
 name for mango fool, and there may still be some who 
 remember the Eurasian waiter ' Father Tom ' and his 
 Hindoo assistant ' Jogi,' both of whom' were skilled com- 
 posers of the above. Some good bungalows were in- 
 habited by rich natives, and were extremely handsome 
 outwardly. They were always furnished in a very bizarre 
 manner, for these people only value things for what they 
 cost, and buy the most expensive things without regard 
 to taste or congruity. There are some extremely hand- 
 some buildings in the city. The railway station is one 
 of the finest I ever saw. 
 
 I soon found that I had a very good lot of officers. 
 Their quarters were on the deck below mine. The rest 
 of the ship was given over to the white crew. The native 
 seamen, Lascars from Rhatnaguri on the East Coast, lived 
 in the outships. Their Tindal, Ibrahim, was a very fine 
 specimen, as indeed they all were, for we were always able 
 to pick the best when a vacancy occurred. Ibrahim 
 attended to that, and no doubt made his bit over it. 
 These men were all Muslims. Quiet and obedient, they 
 never gave any trouble, but I do not think they would 
 be much use in a scrap. Their yearly festival of the 
 Mohurrun was an interesting affair, and they presented 
 my wife with a garland on such occasions. 
 
 I arrived at the conclusion that the treatment of the 
 officers had been more in the line of firmness than con- 
 ciliation and consideration. After a little experience I 
 was able to relax several regulations that appeared harsh 
 with regard to leave and duty. I had cause to con- 
 gratulate myself with the results. A line of Tennyson's 
 has often been uppermost in my mind, " He who only 
 rules by terror doeth grievous wrong. Deep as hell I 
 hold his error, let him listen to my song." The curious 
 can find the rest under ' The Captain.' 
 
 The Turret Ships, old and obsolete, were terrors to 
 handle. It was easier for the proverbial camel to pass
 
 H.M.S. MAGDALA 271 
 
 through the needle's eye than to steer them on a straight 
 course. Their speed was very limited, and we had to 
 arrange to go out on one tide and return on anocher. 
 They were armed with four lo-inch muzzle -loading guns, 
 and the turrets were worked by hand. I fancy the 
 Admiralty must have heaved a sigh of relief when they 
 palmed them off on the Indian Government and heard 
 that they had arrived safely at Bombay. We could never 
 have fought them under way, and the only way of doing 
 so would have been to run them aground and use them as 
 forts. The Assaye and Plassy could steam at a good 
 speed for the times ; the torpedo boats were also good 
 ones, and could be whacked up when required. I often 
 made use of one to take friends across the harbour to 
 the celebrated caves of Elephanta, a trip much appreciated. 
 These well-known caves are in an island about six miles 
 East of the city, and they are named from a gigantic 
 stone elephant that once stood near the landing place ; 
 very little of it now remains. 
 
 Every week I took out the gunboats and torpedo 
 boats for tactics. Very often a guest accompanied me, 
 for it was quite a popular show. We did our best to 
 keep the Defence up to the mark, and there was always 
 plenty of drill going on ; among such was the landing 
 of a battalion in the early morning on the Maidan, anti 
 Cunningham-Foot, the First -Lieutenant, worked them 
 up to a very good standard. When he succumbed to 
 the climate and was invalided, the Admiralty sent out a 
 very able man as his successor, Eric Back, who, as a 
 Captain in the Great War, was blown up in the mysterious 
 explosion of the Cruiser Natal. The Service lost a fine 
 officer in Back. 
 
 I introduced an innovation that became very popular, 
 namely, no afternoon work. Instead of the men having 
 dinner at noon, drills and other work went on until i p.m., 
 and they had the afternoon off. It is the custom in India 
 for everyone to have a siesta after tiffin, and I did not see 
 why we should be the exception. 
 
 My wife and I made many friends in this sociable 
 community. We usually joined some party at the Yacht 
 Club after the evening drive. However, I did not give 
 up my bicycling, and as often as not took my exercise 
 that way, getting thoroughly acquainted with the neigh- 
 bourhood. I saw much more of the place, and had better 
 opportunities of studying the natives in this way than the
 
 272 MY LIFE, AND A FEW A YARNS 
 
 majority, who only rode or drove. I covered some 
 thousands of miles and visited all sorts of out-of-the- 
 way places that I should nevei have seen otherwise. 
 
 'I he Dublin Fusiliers were stationed at Colaba, and I 
 got very friendly with Colonel Cooper. I dined with 
 him on St. Patrick's Day, and we all went over to the 
 sergeants' mess, where there was an entertainment going 
 on. He asked me to recite to them, and I complied with 
 " How Bill Adams won the battle of Waterloo." It was 
 well received, but after we left he told me that it had 
 just been previously done by a sergeant I He added, 
 for my consolation, that the general verdict was in my 
 favour. We returned to the mess for supper, and I got 
 off about 4 a.m., to find an anxious wife sitting up, for it 
 was blowing rather hard. During the day I always used 
 my galley (a six-oared boat), but at night a private 
 toni (native boat), which I engaged by the month. They 
 were somewhat crank, but all right when you knew them 
 and sat in the middle. Even my wife used to use ours, 
 much to the astonishment of the shoregoing people. After 
 the arrival of the new flagship, as I was going off in my 
 toni one night, the Commander, who was with me, thought 
 he would like to try one too. He stepped in and promptly 
 went overboard the other side. These canoes were paddled 
 generally by a father and son. 
 
 The great event is the coming of the monsoon, or 
 the ' burst ' as it is called. This usually occurs early 
 in June. One informant named '5 p.m. on the 5th as the 
 regular time for it! As it would be impossible for the 
 ships to remain in the open harbour during its continuance, 
 the flotilla moved into Prince's Dock, a large commercial 
 basin. It was very convenient, but decidedly noisy during 
 the working hours, yet we got used to it, but not to the 
 mosquitoes. Accordingly we moved on the 25th of May, 
 but not until the 6th of July, at 4.30 p.m., thirty days 
 later than foretold by my prophetic friend, did the 
 monsoon burst, and' then it did burst. We were out in the 
 Victoria, and so furious were the onslaughts of wind and 
 rain that we had to turn round and pull up with our 
 backs to it, until it eased up. Meanwhile thunder and 
 lightning played a continuous obligate. 
 
 June 22, 1897, was the Queen's diamond jubilee. To 
 celebrate it we gave an ' At Home/ at which we had all 
 the side-shows that are so easily provided by a warship, 
 and a large party of guests went away quite pleased (at
 
 H.M.S. MAGDALA 
 
 least they said so), some with prizes won at competitions. 
 For this show we engaged the band of the 2ist Bombay 
 Native Infantry, the old Marine Battalion in the days of 
 John Company's Navy. A large party of us dined in 
 the Bycullah Club to further celebrate this happy occasion. 
 This club was quite one of the best of its kind out of 
 England. 
 
 A curious incident occurred in the docks. An engineer 
 driving to his ship late one night went over gharry, 
 driver and horse into the basin ; the police and watch- 
 men got the men and gharry out, but there was no sign 
 of the horse. Next morning he was found alongside 
 the Tenasserim, and the bluejackets soon had him out, 
 apparently none the worse for his lengthy immersion. 
 How he kept afloat all those hours remained a mystery. 
 
 My wife had a pet gazelle, a beautiful little creature 
 and a great favourite. He very much enjoyed the dock- 
 yard, in which we let him loose after the working hours. 
 The extraordinary antics he then indulged in were well 
 worth watching. He had free run of our cabins, and 
 dearly loved a drop of port wine, which he invariably 
 came for at dinner, whether we had guests or not. Once 
 he partook of champagne, and if ever an animal had 
 a bad head he had one the next day. 'No more fizz 
 for me, thank you,' was all over his face. When we 
 went home we had, very much against our will, to leave 
 him behind with my successor, who gave him to a man 
 on shore. The gazelle butted him one day ; it was a 
 habit of his, and purely play ; and the heartless beggar 
 actually had him killed 1 . He might have sent him to 
 the Victoria Gardens, where they would have given him 
 a home for the rest of his lit'e. This butting propensity 
 caused considerable merriment once when a shoregoing 
 chaplain came off to perform divine service. He appeared 
 in the middle of the sermon and proceeded to prod His 
 Reverence. He had a companion in the shape of a bear, 
 belonging to the men, a great favourite and very tame. 
 It lived on the wooden deck that acted as a permanent 
 awning, and it often caused some consternation to our 
 guests to see Bruin poking his nose down the skylight. 
 Once he fell overboard, and one of the men promptly 
 went after him and held him up until picked up. 
 
 The servant problem was unknown in India then. 
 It was the happy land for Mem Sahibs. The butler did 
 everything, and if he robbed his mistress, to a certain 
 
 18
 
 274 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 extent he never allowed anyone else to do so. In the 
 East there are two forms of extortion, * Bucksheesh ' and 
 ' Dustouri.' The former may be likened to tips, and the 
 latter to commission. The butler expected dustouri on 
 all bills and payments, and took care to get it. As 
 payee, the Master and Mistress knew it, and submitted 
 as the least line of resistance. You knew when he brought 
 his book and you gave him a cheque that a percentage 
 went into his pocket, but it was worth it. Our servants, 
 with the exception of the coachman, grass-cutter and dog 
 boy, were Goanese. These men are the best servants in 
 India, and have a strain of Portuguese blood in them ; 
 they are Catholics, and bear Portuguese names. Our 
 boys were Constancio and Pedro. The cook and his 
 assistant, known as the ' Makee-Learn,' did not have to be 
 called anything. Constancio was always called Constance, 
 which caused some amusement when I went up-country 
 to a place named Jeur with an American Astronomer, 
 Professor Campbell, of Lick, to assist in taking observa- 
 tions of the total eclipse of 1898. One of the American 
 ladies heard me shouting for Constance, and later she 
 told me that she thought I had brought a maid with me. 
 Our butler, Alexander de Souza, paid all these people, 
 and, of course, extracted dustouri from each. He was an 
 excellent fellow, served us faithfully, and could always 
 be relied upon to provide a good menu for a dinner party. 
 I am somewhat of a statistician, and found on leaving 
 Bombay that we had dined 648 people. As for lunchejs, 
 I had kept no account ; one did not in India, where any 
 friend was welcome to drop in for tiffin. The butler 
 prepared menus which were very amusing, some of the 
 items being much camouflaged ; for example, ' Carlo,' 
 which resolved itself into Curlew ; ' Russil Pups ' became 
 Brussel Sprouts ; ' Billimunji,' Blancmange ; and ' Posh- 
 teg,' Poached Egg. Perhaps ' Roast Bastard ' for Roast 
 Turkey is the highest effort of genius. Natives never 
 could pronounce my name, it was always ' Fillet.' Our 
 butler could spell it all right, and consequently on one 
 menu appeared ' Fleets of Beef I ' The cook was a most 
 resourceful man ; he could always produce soup at the 
 shortest notice, apparently not requiring that magic article 
 4 Stock,' without which no self-respecting English cook 
 will ever produce soup. Of course, being on board ship, 
 he had to keep his kitchen clean, which is not the 
 universal custom in the Shiny East. The Indian cooks
 
 H.M.S. MAGDALA 275 
 
 are, as a rule, dirty and untidy, in marked contrast to the 
 Chinese. It reminds me of a story of a lady who had 
 one of the latter and was bucking about it to a friend. 
 They agreed to pay a surprise visit to their respective 
 kitchens, going to the Indian first. A glance round was 
 followed by a hurried departure ; it was too awful for 
 words! The Chinaman's kitchen was very different ; 
 spotless and clean, everything shining like a dollar, but the 
 cook was washing his feet in the soup tureen. The 
 dog boy looked after our fox-terrier ' Tartar,' who would 
 lie in the sun, and eventually succumbed to its effects. 
 
 The eclipse occurred on January 22nd. Professor 
 Campbell and his wife, two very attractive Americans, and 
 Miss Beans, of San Francisco, arrived at Bombay in 
 December, and becoming acquainted, he invited me to 
 assist him in his observations, so I left on the i/th of 
 January, with four of my officers, for his camp at Jeur. The 
 American Consul, Mr. Comfort and Major Boileau, R.A., 
 also joined the party. The camp was quite in the jungle ; 
 it was cool, very comfortable and well provided, but it 
 was a bad place for cobras. One very big one was 
 killed the day we arrived, and I never got out of bed 
 without looking to see where I put my feet. These 
 creatures are fond of getting into your bed, and I know 
 of a case of a man finding one under his pillow. We 
 drilled during the day until Mr. Campbell pronounced us 
 efficient, and I p.m. on the 22nd found us all in our 
 places. It was a fine day and a clear sky, and at half- 
 past one the eclipse commenced. My job, with an 
 assistant, was to take photoerrap-hs, an'd we took a dozen 
 very successfully. It was Miss Beans, a verv cheery girl, 
 who was so surprised at my having a maidservant, and 
 she did not forget to chaff me. On return to Bombay 
 we made it as pleasant as we could for these nice people, 
 whom I have seen several times since. The Professor 
 and his wife are still at Lick Observatory, and he is ,a 
 great Star in the Astronomical World. 
 
 In the autumn of 1897 we paid our first visit to 
 Poona. The railway ascends the Ghats in a zigzag, a 
 reversing station being about half-way up. Parts of the 
 ascent are rather terrifying to nervous people. A sad 
 accident occurred a few years previously, caused by one 
 of the bridges jrivin? wav ; the train plunged into the 
 valley, and a great number perished. We found the 
 Poona Hotel very comfortable and enjoyed our stay. We
 
 276 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 visited the celebrated temple of Parbutti, Consort of Siva. 
 The priests who showed us round would not take any fee 
 for doing so ; it was not allowed 1 , but the temple was 
 situated on a hill, and they got over the difficulty by 
 accompanying us to our carriage at the foot, and then, as 
 it was not in the temple grounds, they were willing' enough 
 to take bucksheesh, rather wily and reminiscent of 
 Gehazi. 
 
 We returned in tim'e to hear the trial of the notorious 
 Tilak, the editor of a native paper, who had been stirring 
 up sedition, and had been awarded a term' of imprisonment 
 for the offence. The appeal was unsuccessful. 
 
 Whenever we went on any trips we always took our 
 boys with us (in accordance with the custom), and very 
 useful they were, as they acted as interpreters, were most 
 solicitous for our comfort, and whenever we stopped 
 brought welcome refreshments. It was the custom also 
 when you went out to dinner to take your boy with you 
 to help wait, and once (my wife was not there to look 
 after me, for I had been ordered by the doctor to 
 temporarily keep off wine), when I was just going* to 
 have some champagne, Constance interposed by saying 
 decisively, " Mistress not allowing." I gave the fizz a 
 pass. Another time he informed me in a very audible 
 aside that " This is a very poor house, they have no 
 Burruf " (ice). 
 
 The incident of the gazelle butting the Padre reminds 
 me that when we could not obtain one the duty devolved 
 upon me. With the aid of the band we used to have a 
 full choral service, and I was worked up to intone, but 
 drew the line at a discourse. Sailors and' soldiers make 
 an excellent congregation, and are very keen on singing. 
 Of course they have their favourite hymns, one of which' 
 is not " For those in peril on the Sea " ; it does not appeal 
 to them somehow. One of our men was heard asking 
 another what an anthem was ; the reply was, " If I was 
 to say to you, Bill give me, give me that. Bill give me 
 that, that handspike, Bill give me that handspike, it would 
 be a Hanthem. But if I was to say, Bill, give me that 
 handspike, it would not be a Hanthem." Not a bad 
 definition. We had a very good' little string band of 
 fourteen performers, all Goanese. These people have very 
 fair musical talent. 
 
 Early in 1898 the plague got very bad, and at the 
 request of General Gatacre, who was superintending the
 
 H.M.S. MAGDALA 277 
 
 plague operations, I landed a party under Lieutenant 
 ivlansergh ; it did excellent service. As all sailors do, 
 they paid great attention to details, and their camp was 
 a model one. They deservedly received the thanks and 
 praise of the General on completion of their unaccustomed 
 work. I used sometimes to go round with Mansergh 
 in the mornings when he went on his house-to-house 
 search for the victims, and it was a very horrible 
 experience. The people were quite apathetic, and we 
 always had to make them clear out the dead, round whom 
 they would remain sitting in a sort of dull stupor. 
 Mansergh was an officer of great promise, but his career 
 was abruptly terminated about three years later, when he 
 perished in a submarine with all the crew. All who 
 knew this fine young fellow felt his loss very much. 
 General Gatacre who was known as General Backacher 
 was a hard-working, impetuous man, and gingered up 
 all those who were working under him, getting always 
 full value, but he was deservedly popular. 
 
 To add to the above trouble, riots broke out in Bombay, 
 chiefly caused by plague restrictions. There are always 
 plenty of agitators in every land, and India is no ex- 
 ception, but the people could not understand the reason 
 for any restrictions. Two men of the Shropshire Regi- 
 ment were attacked in the bazaar and killed with 
 Lathis (long sticks with a heavy weight on the end), 
 and the whole of the native city was in an uproar. 
 General Gatacre called out all the troops and applied to 
 me for assistance, so every available man was landed. 
 One of our detachments was sent to a hospital in the 
 suburbs that was rather isolated, and about which we had 
 been very uneasy. The bluejackets arrived to find that 
 the nurses had barricaded themselves in and were in 
 considerable dread ; their relief when Jack appeared may 
 be imagined. I had great difficulty in getting this de- 
 tachment back, it seemed so necessary. Men will always 
 be ready to do ' Sentry Go ' when they are supplied with 
 cocoa and biscuits every hour. About this time I was 
 appointed a Justice of the Peace for Bombay, but I had 
 no inclination for that class of duty. During my career 
 in the Navy the most unpleasant feature of the Service 
 was ' Telling off Defaulters,' and one does not wish to 
 carry that sort of thing into private life. During the riots 
 I made a practice of visiting our detachments. My 
 secretary went with me, and we rode through the native
 
 278 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 quarters without any attempt at molestation, but we took 
 care to carry revolvers and to display them somewhat 
 ostentatiously. . 
 
 The riots did not worry the Europeans much. The 1 
 social routine went on as usual, but when we went out to 
 dinner I took an armed man on the box-seat for pre- 
 caution's sake. It would be mere banality for me to 
 describe all the events that went on ; of these the race 
 meetings and gymkhanas were the most enjoyable. You 
 knew everyone, and such events were not only social 
 gatherings, but you could get a run for your money if 
 you felt that way. Of course there was polo, and the 
 Defence sported a team, Eric Back, Cyril Corbett, Archi- 
 bald Courage and P. G. Brown, all Lieutenants ; Back 
 I have already mentioned. Corbett, known to all as 
 ' The little Man,' was a light-weight rider, and was in 
 great demand at the meetings, and he was very successful 
 at the gymkhanas. In the ladies' events he always asked 
 my wife to partner him, and she has several trophies won 
 by their united efforts. Alasl he died soon after his 
 return home, a great shock to all of us, for he had won 
 our affection, and would have been a bright ornament to 
 the Service had he lived. The other two good fellows 
 are still to the fore, and long may they flourish. 
 
 We paid a visit in May, 1898, to Matheran, the 
 nearest hill station to Bombay. My wife was carried 
 up from the station in a jampan, but I preferred to ride ; 
 the gruntings and contortions of the bearers give one 
 the impression that they are suffering pain in some way, 
 which is no doubt what is intended, with a view to in- 
 creased bucksheesh. We spent a very comfortable fort- 
 night at this place, which is moderately cool. 
 
 The monsoon was more punctual that year, for it burst 
 on the 8th of June, so the prophet's date was not so far 
 out this time. We were in Princes Dock according to 
 schedule, and remained there until October. 
 
 Soon after my return I sat on a Court of Inquiry on a 
 brother Captain, who had got his ship on shore ; his 
 defence was that the waters where it happened were 
 imperfectly surveyed, and he was exonerated. He amused 
 me by saying that among other precautions he had steamed 
 with his starboard anchor and twelve fathoms of cable 
 hanging from the bow ; unfortunately the ship struck on 
 the port side. He had an incompetent navigator, and 
 one night I was dug: out at midnight and found him
 
 H.M.S. MAGDALA 279 
 
 with the delinquent waiting for me on the quarterdeck. 
 He proceeded to report him for not being able to find 
 the Pole Star, and asked me what I thought of such a 
 navigator. I advised a prescription for the complaint, 
 and shortly after the officer was sent home. 
 
 On December i, 1898, we started on a tour in Central 
 India. I shall not describe it, for it has been often 
 done, and the connections are historical. I shall confine 
 myself to a very few generalities. We took our boys, 
 and through the kindness of friends we travelled in a 
 private car. At every important station we were examined 
 for plague by native doctors ; one, to my surprise, was a 
 woman. Once we were turned in, and I am afraid I 
 was not very polite and said something at which my 
 wife (whom the doctor had not noticed) laughed. He 
 gave a shocked exclamation and hurriedly withdrew. 
 
 We went first to Karamnasa, about twelve miles from 
 Mogul Serai, and spent a few days in the jungle with my 
 cousin, Walter Garland, a Civil Engineer who was con- 
 structing a railway. One bridge over the Sone River 
 was two miles long. The superstitious natives believed 
 that each pier would cost a life ; a good many have. My 
 wife was very interested in the sinking of the Caissons 
 in which the piers are built. One was not going down 
 properly, and she sat down to watch the men at work ; 
 suddenly it uprighted itself. The next day a deputation 
 waited on my cousin and asked if the Burra Mem Sahib 
 would come and do the same for another refractory one ! 
 
 Next we went to the holy city of Benares, where we 
 made the acquaintance of a celebrated Swami. At this 
 place of learning a Professor at the English College 
 showed a high -caste Brahmin a drop of water highly 
 magnified. It was crowded with struggling animalcules ; 
 the man gazed at it with horror, realizing that he had 
 been engaged in destroying life in a wholesale manner. 
 On his return home he committed suicide. 
 
 Then on to Lucknow, of undying memory ; Cawnpore, 
 place of horrors ; Agra, of beauty ; the Taj pre- 
 dominating. In the palace the guide pointed out a well 
 down which he said the ladies who had made ' mistakes ' 
 were flung! As the Harem accommodated 3,000 women, 
 these were probably many. Fattehpore Sikri, an example 
 of Oriental extravagance. Delhi, city of marvels, beauty 
 and final triumph. Jeypore, with its deserted city of 
 Amber, more Oriental magnificence. Finally, Ahmedaba^
 
 280 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 and Baroda, both a profusion of tombs. We had had a 
 remarkably interesting tour, the memory of which has 
 never left me, and I should like to do it again. The 
 chief charm was that we seemed to have it all to our- 
 selves. It was before the days of tourists and motor-cars. 
 
 We arrived back in February, 1899, to find the season 
 in full swing, and Lord and Lady Curzon, the Commander- 
 in-Chief, numerous Generals, and our own Admiral arrived. 
 Indian officials had flocked to greet the Viceroy. I had 
 the pleasure of meeting all these, and being duly impressed. 
 Toward the end of May it became slacker, and we took 
 a breather by going to the hill station at Khandalla for a 
 fortnight. There the climate was good, and there were 
 plenty of agreeable people ; the only fly in the ointment 
 was the perpetual cry of the ' Brainfever ' bird, that always 
 seemed to be on duty. It has earned the above name from 
 its irritating monotony, which is supposed in time to have 
 that effect. A visit to the celebrated caves of Kali 
 interested us immensely. 
 
 The official functions at Bombay were very interesting. 
 The most scrupulous adherence to precedence is practised 
 in India, and you may be sure that everyone knows exactly 
 where he (and his Mem Sahib) should be placed. As 
 one had to appear in full dress when the Viceroy was 
 present, it rather detracted from the enjoyment. It is not 
 the climate for glad' rags, and I used to envy the natives 
 in their loose robes and jewelled ornaments. It is singular 
 how the East differs from the West in the matter of men 
 wearing jewellery ; here it is considered effeminate : there 
 it is good form to show that you are the possessor of 
 priceless gems. I don't believe after all that it is quite 
 a matter of taste, but rather one of clothes ; fancy a man 
 in a tall hat, frock coat, light pants, etc., and a string of 
 priceless pearls round his neck. 
 
 The monsoon again lived up to its reputation, and 
 came early in June. Having made its debut, life in 
 Bombay became normal ; the tumult had died down, the 
 Captains had departed, and the Yacht Club was once 
 more sacred to its habitudes. Eqrly in the year we had 
 had a tremendous fillip by receiving sheaves of telegrams 
 that we were on the verge of a war with France. This 
 was a sort of bugbear that was occasionally varied by 
 a Russian scare. This time we prepared to seize a fine 
 Messageries Maritimes Steamer in the harbour that would 
 have brought us all in a hamfsornc share of prize money,
 
 H.M.S. MAGDALA 281 
 
 but we licked our lips in vain. Since then the Great 
 War has forged fetters of friendship between the two 
 countries that should never be allowed to rust. A sever- 
 ance would mean disaster for both of us ultimately. To 
 a vast number of the British even a dispute is unpalat- 
 able. If only our legislators would recall the fact that 
 hundreds of thousands of our dearest and best lie in French 
 soil, they would recognize the truth of this. Even to some 
 of them a little bit of French soil may be sacred. 
 
 In August my wife and I were invited to Government 
 House at Ganeshkind, near Poona, where Lord and Lady 
 Sandhurst were in residence ; we spent an enjoyable week 
 there. The surprising feature of this place was the 
 enormous number of servants. One is accustomed to a 
 good many in India, but here they seemed to fall over 
 each other. We took our own boys, but they were not 
 allowed beyond our rooms. One misses these boys more 
 than anything on leaving India ; mine did everything for 
 me, even mending, and was invaluable when dressing 1 , 
 but I drew the line when he wanted to tuck my shirt 
 in for me ! The Governor's servants no doubt looked 
 down upon ours, although we were Burra Sahibs. But 
 are not all the Jeames in high position usually of this 
 kidney? 
 
 I was much attracted by the Governor's bodyguard of 
 one hundred picked Sowars, all fine good-looking men, 
 Rajpoots mostly. The Captain, Leveson-Gower, and 
 the Subaltern, Lawrence, were equally so, and good 
 specimens of the British Raj. They made a fine appear- 
 ance in their scarlet tunics, white knee breeches, and tall 
 riding boots, their dark faces, fierce moustaches and curled 
 beards overshadowed by their lofty turbans. They were 
 well horsed, and the animals were splendidly groomed. 
 Some were always on guard at Government House, and 
 those on sentry carried spears. Their carriage was 
 magnificently stately. 
 
 After this visit we returned to Bombay, and in October 
 the Boer War broke out, and regiments began to arrive 
 from up-country and embark for South Africa. The 
 events of that war and its remarkable fluctuations are too 
 well known to need any remarks from me. I can vividly 
 recall the varying sensation that we experienced, and the 
 trying times we went through as fortune shifted from or 
 toward iis, and the anxiety of that time. I can also recall
 
 282 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 a distinguished General at the Club telling me that we 
 should want 60,000 men out there before we could finish 
 it in our favour ; as it was, it took 250,000. 
 
 At the end of October a telegram reached me offering 
 me command of the Howe flagship at Queenstown, Ireland, 
 and I replied accepting. Later my successor, Captain 
 Greet, arrived. The two names afforded the local papers 
 a good opportunity for copy, and 1 there was some good- 
 natured banter about ' Greeting the New Man ' and 
 ' Speeding the Fleeting One,' and so on. I was ordered 
 to return in the last week of December, and on the 9th 
 we cleared out of the Tenasserim, and went to live at 
 the Bank of Bengal with our friend Harry Gray, the 
 manager. He was universally known as ' Hurry Gurry,' 
 from the native way of pronouncing his name. This 
 most popular man insisted upon our staying with him 
 until we embarked, so we remained until December 23rd, 
 when we embarked in the old Shannon again. 
 
 Before we left the Tenasserim a ball was given by 
 the Defence. We brought the Plassy alongside to supply 
 the power for an electric circuit, and lit up the whole 
 ship brilliantly ; trophies and other decorations adorned 
 the decks ; our band supplied the music, and we kept up 
 the show until 3 a.m. Over three hundred guests came 
 off, and we had supper in the wardroom. Back was 
 chiefly responsible for the arrangements, which went off 
 without a hitch. The next day we had a children's party, 
 and mustered about three dozen happy little boys and 
 girls, not many, but India is no place for white ' Bachchas ' 
 (children). They were all accompanied by Ayahs and 
 Bearers, and it was pleasant to note how solicitous these 
 people were for the safety of their charges. 
 
 We were now chiefly occupied in packing up and 
 with farewell dinners. It was extremely pleasant to dis- 
 cover how many friends we had; made and how much 
 they regretted our departure. From the 9th to the 23rd 
 we dined with different people, not even excepting Sundays, 
 the most gratifying dinner being the one given us by ihe 
 officers, which finished with a singsong. We left at 
 midnight amid cheers and singing of * Auld Lang Syne.' 
 It was indeed a wrench to bid them farewell, and a real 
 happiness to look back and recall how we parted on such' 
 good terms. What gratified me was the esteem in which' 
 they held my wife. She had made good friends of all 
 of them without distinction, and having had the good 
 
 ..' ..... f i W V
 
 H.M.S. MAGDALA 283 
 
 sense to avoid interference with Service matters, but on 
 the contrary to efface herself, her residence on board 
 had been a complete success, in spite of croakers who 
 foretold trouble. But there are always people of that 
 sort. 
 
 On December 23, 1899, we crawled, in a most de- 
 bilitated state, the result of so much festivity, on board 
 the Shannon, and passed the plague examination success- 
 fully. Our faithful boys saw us off from the whart, 
 and the Parsi Contractor garlanded us in the usual fashion 
 on such occasions, and at 2.30 p.m. the good ship slipped 
 and steamed out of harbour, to the final accompaniment 
 of cheers from the Tenasserim. 
 
 We had an empty ship ; only one or two passengers, 
 one of whom was F. L. Petre, whom we discovered to be 
 a cousin of one of my late officers. He was an excellent 
 companion, and we maintained our acquaintance with him 
 in after-life, thereby making friends with his equally 
 pleasant wife. Petre had just retired from the I.C.S., 
 and has since done a good deal of literary work. 
 
 On our arrival at Aden on the 28th we transhipped 
 to the India. This ship was one of the best of the 
 P. and O. of that time. Having come from Australia, 
 most of the passengers were from that country, but we 
 were not by any means a full ship, and we were probably 
 on that account a very cheerful and friendly lot. There 
 was only one exception, and it almost goes without saying 
 that he was a German, a Count Muntz, and I regret to 
 say a naval officer. He was a full-sized gasbag, and 
 eaten up with conceit ; we all detested him, and used to 
 conspire to take rises out of him with considerable success. 
 
 We arrived at Marseilles on January 6, 1900, and 
 disembarking, passed through Paris to Calais, and crossing 
 to Dover on the 7th, arrived at Charing Cross that evening. 
 Here we were met, among others, by our son, who 
 had developed into a sturdy, bright little chap of eleven. 
 Once more united, we took up our quarters in Stanhope 
 Gardens. 
 
 The journey through France was none too pleasant. 
 Things were going badly for us in South Africa, and the 
 French, if not actively hostile, were not pleasant to the 
 British passing through their country. But we have 
 forgiven all that. 
 
 This chapter moved me to burst forth into song, and 
 I ask my readers to be merciful.
 
 284 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 THE SHINY EAST. 
 
 Then it's South across the dreaded Bay, then East to the tropic seas, 
 And you reach a land of tigers, mosquitoes, scorpions, fleas. 
 Where the rising sun lights up the pools where alligators lurk, 
 Then sets on a scorched and panting earth enwrapped in a coppery 
 murk. 
 
 Where the temple bells and the muezzin's call vie with the sonorous 
 
 gong. 
 And tomtoms throb at the Burning Ghat while mourners mutter a 
 
 song. 
 
 Where the vultures perch near the silent tower waiting for Parsi dead, 
 And the flying foxes flutter at eve, and parrots chatter o'erhead. 
 
 A land of revolt and anarchy, then Akbar the conqueror came 
 And took the land and ruled it well, but left us only a name 
 And an empty palace, a gem of beauty. Now buzzards sit on the 
 
 wall, 
 And lizards bask in the marble court and swallows nest in the hall. 
 
 A land that allures with its monuments, legends, ivory thrones, 
 A land of the mosque and minaret, tombs set with glittering stones. 
 A land of gruesome mysteries, weird mixture of heavens and hells, 
 Bazaars with handwoven carpets, jewellery, curios SMELLS. 
 
 Where the sturdy Ghurka and stately Sikh elbow the wild Pathan, 
 And the Rajput sneers at Afridi and despises the fierce Afghan. 
 But the Bunya sells his goods in peace, though ruffians stalk at large, 
 For it's never safe to plunder a man under the British Raj . 
 
 For the man of the East serves him of the West, and serves him 
 
 truly too. 
 
 Honour and justice win the trust, and love, of the mild Hindoo, 
 Whether his caste be low or high, sweeper or fighting man, 
 He knows a Sahib when he meets one and gives him the best he can. 
 
 In the bungalow on the shimmering plain the Sahib Log lives and 
 
 grills, 
 And longs for the day when they get away to the stations upon the 
 
 hills. 
 
 And even the native moans in his sleep in the city's festering reek, 
 Ere the monsoon's break brings in its wake life and rest to the weak. 
 
 The East was not made for the white man, body and mind pay toll. 
 It gives him its worst and takes his best, he oftimes pays with his 
 
 soul. 
 
 But he serves because it's his duty, the British are built that way, 
 That, no matter whatever their Jat is, men have freedom to work 
 
 and pray.
 
 H.M.S. MAGDALA 285 
 
 Some parts are British for ever, to hold as a right and with pride. 
 Where for GOD, their King and their Country, our men and our 
 
 women died. 
 
 A legacy sacred and binding, a solemn unanimous vow 
 Of remembrance of Heroes who perished at Delhi, Cawnpore, and 
 
 Lucknow.
 
 CHAPTER XVII 
 
 THE HOWE, EMPRESS OF INDIA, THAMES, 
 AND EOLUS 
 
 Variety's the very spice of life, 
 That gives it all its flavour. 
 
 WHEN you arrive at the end of this chapter I think you 
 will admit that I am justified in putting the above 
 
 lines of Cowper at the head of it, for while holding the 
 post of Flag-Captain at Queenstown I served in no less 
 than four ships typical of the constant changes that 
 went on at that time, and especially marked in the case 
 of officers. I think that during the above period (three 
 years) I had no less than twenty-six Lieutenants pass 
 through the flagship. It was the age of transition, and 
 we were more or less in the melting-pot. I consider 
 that Jacky Fisher did an immense lot of good and 
 straightened up things materially by his later organiza- 
 tion. He was a great man, was Jacky. 
 
 On arrival in England I had every, intention of taking 
 my full -pay leave, to which I was entitled, so I only 
 stayed a week in London and then went over to Queens- 
 town, intending to return at once. In my ignorance I 
 reckoned without the Admiralty, for I was calmly 
 informed that I had forfeited my leave by joining. 
 Nothing daunted, I put in for six weeks' annual leave, 
 and started back, getting as far as Pembroke, where I 
 was held up by a wire. It merely stated that there was 
 a question about my leave, and directed me to await 
 further instructions. I spent the day with the Captain - 
 Superintendent of the yard. ' Billy Barlow,' an old friend 
 and a very popular man in the Service. Billy would 
 have preferred a seagoing ship to life in a ' Stone 
 Frigate.' Another wire, fully satisfactory, arrived during 
 the afternoon, and I rejoined my family.
 
 HOWE, EMPRESS OF INDIA, THAMES, EOLUS 287 
 
 My Admiral at Queenstown was At well Lake, a very 
 old friend whom I first met in the Mediterranean when 
 he was Commander of the Alexandra, Sir Geoffrey 
 Hornby's flagship. He was a very smart officer and 
 an excellent companion. 
 
 My leave passed rapidly ; there seemed to be shoals 
 of friends to visit ; and we had to send our furniture over 
 to Queenstown, where I had taken a house that my wife 
 quite approved of when she arrived. It was out of 
 Queenstown, in the suburb of Rushbrooke, and rejoiced 
 in the name of ' Arrigadeen,' which is Celtic for ' A 
 little silver Brook.' I had measured all the rooms for 
 carpets, and chosen the wallpapers, so we found the house 
 nearly ready for occupation ; most expeditious were 
 tradesmen of those happy days I We stayed at Admiralty 
 House for a week and then moved in, glad to find our- 
 selves once more among our Lares et Penates. The 
 servant problem was still quiescent and we soon got 
 suited, never making a change during our three years of 
 residence. The women were Irish and Catholics, and 
 my man and the boy Heretics, but they got on 
 famously. The parlourmaid was an exceedingly pretty 
 girl, even for an Irish Colleen, which rather tended to 
 keep the man at home, especially as he had a rival in- my 
 coxswain. ; 1 I i 
 
 The Howe was the ship that I liked less than any 
 I served in. She was an improvement on the Magdala, 
 but I had never had to live on the latter, while in the 
 former I had to be always ready to turn out every quarter 
 with the Home Fleet, that consisted of all the ships 
 stationed at various ports in the United Kingdom. Four 
 times a year we assembled, under Admiral Sir Gerard 
 Noel, and it did men and officers a lot of good to be 
 worked up by such; an energetic and capable officer as 
 ' Gerry Noel.' I liked him very much, although I 
 thought him rather a crank on fleet tactics. He had 
 a great fancy for changing columns, by. doing a tnanceuvre 
 we called the ' Gridiron,' and I have done it four or five 
 times in a forenoon. It was my theory then (and I 
 have seen nothing to cause me to change it), that 
 manoeuvres in the face of the enemy would be undesir- 
 able, and that ships would have to fight in line as much 
 as possible. In those days we always acted as if battles 
 would be fought at close range, and I imagine that the 
 Naval Constructors were of the same opinion, which
 
 288 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 accounts for the heavy side armour that ships carried ; 
 the Great War has probably dispelled that idea. Possibly 
 if our ships had had armour over their decks instead of 
 their sides we might have suffered less severely. Owing 
 to the immense distance at which the actions commenced 
 and were fought, the projectiles descended vertically on 
 their targets instead of obligingly striking the armoured 
 sides. 
 
 The Howe was known as the Irish Flagship. In a 
 previous commission she had sustained great damage from 
 having been on shore, and it is doubtful whether she 
 ever recovered from the strain. One of the officers 
 informed me in a burst of confidence that she was called 
 the 'Anyhow.' I lay low and secretly determined to try 
 to make her earn a better sobriquet. The crew of five 
 hundred men was mostly, Irish. They were very amenable 
 to proper treatment and discipline, beside being cheerful 
 and good-tempered. As a crowd they were not so clean 
 as the British. 
 
 As for the country people, they were a continual 
 delight to me, quick to see a joke and very apt at 
 repartee. I had experience of this on my bicycling 
 rambles. I only once experienced rudeness, and that was 
 from an old woman. The Chaplain, H. S. Wood, 
 and I, were taking a rest during one of our trips, 
 and when she passed u ; s there was no mistaking the 
 fact that we were being abused frequently in Celtic ; 
 why or wherefore I know not, for we had not said a 
 word to. her. I think she must have been a bigoted 
 R.C. and spotted Wood as a heretic parson. He was 
 really a most broad-minded man, a splendid shipmate, 
 and a friend of all ranks. He became Archdeacon of 
 the Navy, and filled the office with great credit. 
 
 When I laughingly asked a man at Bantry if there 
 was any landlord-shooting on, or whether it was the 
 close season, he took it in great good part and said 
 we did them' an injustice, as only the bad men did that 
 sort of thing. No one can deny them 1 a keen sense 
 of humour, and also that they have a habit of looking 
 at things from the comic side. The following is perhaps 
 more illustrative of tragedy : From Ballynear to Ballyfar 
 the railway is a single line, and apparently not run on 
 any recognized system, for the stationmaster of the former 
 place once started the train without consulting any one. 
 While he was watching it disappear in the distance, the
 
 signalman stuck his. head out of the box and said, "Did 
 ye sthart her? " " I did," replied the other. " An' me 
 just callin' the wan from Ballyfar," cried the signalman. 
 The other rubbed his hands, saying, " Be gor, she'll meet 
 her match ! " 
 
 .While on the subject of Irish railways, here is another 
 story. An Irish gentleman of position got out at a 
 station for refreshment, and took so long that when he 
 came out the train was pulling out. Bubbling over with 
 rage, he was at a loss what to do. He caught sight of 
 a porter stooping down adjusting his bootlace ; he rushed 
 at him and, giving him a hearty kick, exclaimed, " Damn 
 you, you're always doing that." This blew off the steam 
 a bit I ; 
 
 Another, rather typical of these people's willingness 
 to oblige. Two of my officers found themselves in Cork 
 late at night and all trains gone, not another until the 
 morning. A porter said he thought something might 
 be done. He took them to the engine -shed and made 
 their plight known to a driver, who was putting 
 up his engine, with the result that the man ran them 
 down to Queenstown for a couple of sovereigns. For 
 a further douceur he consented to ' Let her Go.' It is 
 only fourteen miles, but there was plenty of time to 
 get a good bat on, and the driver did it to his own 
 satisfaction and theirs, 
 
 I found it rather difficult to avoid picking up the 
 brogue, which really from Irish lips, especially pretty 
 ones, is rather pleasant, and which one unconsciously 
 adopted. But what are you to make of the following 
 that I heard shouted by a Petty Officer at an offender? 
 He began with " Come out of that." The reply was 
 some prevaricating excuse, to which the Petty Officer 
 returned, " Come out of that whatever it is, no matter 
 which it is, I tell ye." That these people have a sense 
 of humour may be gathered from the following : 
 .When on a bicycle ride, I got off and asked a man I 
 met, " Where does this road go to? " He replied, 
 " Well, it's been here fifty years and it has not gone 
 annywhere yet." 
 
 Even the dogs in the Emerald Isle seem to develop 
 curious traits. We had two in the Howe, a retriever 
 called ' Shot/ and an Aberdeen, of course called ' Jock,' 
 both great friends with the snip's cat. Some officers 
 took Jock to Cork ; on his return both Shot and the cat 
 
 19
 
 290 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 disowned him. After a time the men said that it wasn't 
 our Jock, and the officers began to think so too. Then 
 came a letter from a doctor at Kinsale, saying he had 
 an Aberdeen that did not seem to be his own and that he 
 heard there was one in the Howe ; had they got the 
 right one? Notes were compared ; they had all been 
 in Cork the same day and the dogs had got changed in 
 some mysterious manner. Probably they arranged it 
 themselves, and each one put the other wise, for the dog 
 that came to the Howe got into the boat and went up 
 the ship's side just like a ship's dog. The owners met 
 in Cork and an exchange was effected. Our Jock settled 
 down again, warmly welcomed by Shot and the cat. An 
 interesting fact is that the doctor's children would have 
 nothing to say to our Jock ; he did not take them 
 in at all. 
 
 Jerry, a car driver at Rushbrooke, was a great 
 character. He was taking my wife out calling on the 
 ' Quality,' and they overtook a funeral ; he intimated that 
 it would be manners if they fell in with the procession 
 just to ' Pay respect to the corpse.' Accordingly they 
 followed for a considerable distance, but at last my wife, 
 getting wearied of such continued respect, suggested that 
 they might drop out and commence calling. " 'Deed and 
 I think so, Mam," replied Jerry, and turned up the next 
 lane. Would such a thing have occurred to an English 
 driver? 
 
 Old Jerry was a great soaker ; it eventually finished 
 him off. He drove me out to the house one day in 
 pouring rain, and when I got off I said, " Jerry, don't 
 you wish it was whisky? " " If I had the 4 Inside,' I'd 
 be filling it ! " he cried, with a beaming face, his eyes 
 sparkling at the mere idea. By ' Inside ' he meant an 
 inside car as distinct from an outside one like the one 
 we were using at the time. The former is covered over 
 and the latter open, but you have to get used to them, 
 for they are decidedly wobbly. Before I grew accus- 
 tomed to them 1 I was rather puzzled after a dinner party 
 by hearing the butler announce " Mrs. O'Toole's inside is 
 coming up I " In other words, the covered car was 
 drawing up to the front door. At first I feared the lady 
 had been taken ill. 
 
 Jerry was a knowing old rascal, and he told me 
 that he had often taken tourists out to the old castle 
 at Fota and palmed it off as Blarney Castle. But
 
 HOWE, EMPRESS OF INDIA, THAMES, EOLUS 291 
 
 ignorance is bliss. Those people would be quite assured 
 for the rest of their lives that they had visited the famous 
 old castle. Blarney was within easy distance of Queens- 
 town, and I cycled there several tim'es, but never 
 attempted to kiss the stone ; a friend (at least he posed 
 as one) told me I had no need to. A bluejacket, who 
 was performing this feat (it was a feat, for you had to 
 be held by them), fell, saving his life by being caught 
 in the branches of a tree. 
 
 That a soft answer turneth away wrath is still 
 believed in by these people. The Channel Fleet was 
 in the harbour, and our cook reported that the kidneys 
 ordered for breakfast had not come. Moreover, the man 
 had told her that they had been sent off to one of the 
 ships. Full up with' a grievance, I called on the butcher. 
 " What's this ! Am I your constant customer or not? 
 Why do you send my orders off to occasional visitors? 
 If you don't want my custom I'll go somewhere else." 
 Grogan made no reply, but turned round to his man. 
 " Send the Captain some sweetbreads and don't charge 
 him with them." The cheek of the thing so tickled 
 me that I could only exclaim, " Confound you, I don't 
 want your sweetbreads, but I did want my kidneys." 
 
 And they are very obliging. Leaving for Cork in 
 a hurry I forgot my purse, arid did not discover it until 
 I arrived at the station. I went to the stationmaster 
 and told him of my plight. He led me into the 
 ticket office, opened the till, and said, " Help yerself, 
 Captain." i I ; ; ; 
 
 There is undoubtedly a different psychology about 
 the Irish as compared to the English, and, at that time, 
 they were more amusing and consequently more attrac- 
 tive. The country is depressing : stone walls instead of 
 hedges, ruined cottages (very often a mere heap of 
 stones), decaved churches (mementoes of disestablish- 
 ment), and ill-kept farms are not cheerful objects. I 
 am writing of the South as I knew it. At Bantry a girl 
 showed me a glen opening on the sea that within her 
 memory contained a small village ; now there was not 
 a vestige of a building left or a sign that anyone had 
 ever lived there. 
 
 Queenstown (or Cork) Harbour used to be a great port 
 of call for Homeward Bounders. In my time it was no 
 uncommon sight to see half a dozen full-rigged ships 
 lying at anchor, waiting for orders ; these graceful craft
 
 292 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 had not entirely been pushed off the sea by dirty little 
 tramps. 
 
 The Commander's time expired, and I wrote to my 
 old shipmate and friend, E. H. Moubray, and much to 
 my satisfaction he accepted and was appointed. After 
 the Tartar, he had been under me at Bombay in the 
 Pigeon. ' Jummie,' as he was known to his pals, was 
 a great acquisition. He is now; a retired Admiral. Eheu 
 tempus fugaces ! Mansergh also came to us and remained 
 until he joined the submarine service, where he met his 
 sad end. It was a pleasure to have these two with me 
 again. 
 
 Race meetings, horse shows, concerts and other 
 festivities filled up our spare time, and in the season there 
 was hunting, at which naval and military officers were 
 welcomed. A well-known resident, Mr. Murphy, of 
 Annmount, drove us to the meets sometimes on his coach, 
 and we usually got a good view of Renard ; the stone 
 walls were pretty tough propositions. The society of 
 Queenstown was mostly composed of Service people, and 
 very fluctuating, but the residents were very hospitable. 
 My wife, when returning a visit to some ladies, found 
 the front -door bell broken, and a handbell standing on the 
 front step with a request attached to it for callers to 
 use it. It was still in use when we paid our P.P.C. 
 call nearly three years later 1 Rather typical this. The 
 same ladies kept fowls, and my wife was rather staggered 
 by finding a hen sitting on the back of a chair in the 
 drawing-room. At our farewell visit the lady of the 
 house was ill in bed, but we were informed that she 
 was quite happy, as there was a brood of chickens in 
 her room ! The flagship's band was quite a good one, 
 and our bandmaster, Signer Carrozza (he was a Maltese, 
 but passed as an Italian), had worked it up into a very 
 good string band, as well as a reed one. We used to 
 have matinees, and invite the Quality. One of the 
 officers married an Irish girl of the neighbourhood ; the 
 band was engaged for the ceremony, and travelled by 
 the same train <as our party did. On arrival I asked the 
 Signor if he had brought the ' Voice that breathed o'er 
 Eden.' " No, Sir," he replied. " But I have brought 
 Santoy." That wedding finished most hilariously. By 
 some mischance the breakfast never arrived from Cork, 
 but there was ' Lasihins of Fizz ' ; so much so that the 
 hastily improvised refreshment did not act as sufficient
 
 HOWE, EMPRESS OF INDIA, THAMES, EOLUS 293 
 
 antidote, and most of us got well joyful. Two old 
 maiden Aunts had to be put to bed then and there. But 
 it was an ' Illigant WeddinV We had some bonnet 
 hops on board too, for which the quarterdeck of the 
 Empress was most suitable. Going off to one of them 
 I found a picket boat filled with a bevy of disconsolate 
 damsels. " What is the matter," I inquired. " We're 
 waiting for our chaperons." It was the days when 
 such people were still considered necessary. I jumped 
 into the boat and said, " I adopt you all as nieces, but 
 I won't be responsible for you after we are on board." 
 Smiles now took the place of woe ; we shoved off and 
 I handed them over to their partners and did not have 
 to trouble myself any more. But it was remarkable 
 how many girls in Queenstown called me Uncle after 
 that day ! 
 
 The Howe had been left out of the spring cruise, 
 and we went round to Bantry for target practice. Our 
 stay was somewhat protracted, and the Padre and I took 
 a trip to Killarney on our bicycles. We went first to 
 Glengariff, a fascinating little spot, and then on to 
 Kenmare, and made the latter place our headquarters, 
 from whence we visited Killarney and the neighbourhood. 
 
 For the July cruise we joined the Home Fleet off 
 the Start ; this was our introduction to it, and the ships 
 made a fine spectacle as they closed us. In no time the 
 Admiral had gathered us into his net ; we were no longer 
 free and independent citizens, but merely one of the 
 hounds held in leash by an Autocrat. 
 
 These cruises were very much like the description 
 of life, " One damn thing after another." Gerry was 
 out for business and kept us at it ; however, he generally 
 gave us a week-end at some good place, but we felt 
 inclined to rebel when in Dublin Bay. he refused the 
 Viceroy's invitation to the Admiral and Captains to dine 
 with him at the Castle. He declined on the grounds 
 that we were out for work and not for play ; I think he 
 must have had a fit of liver. I certainly regretted the 
 refusal, as it would have been a pleasant experience. 
 We visited, in addition to the above, most of the Welsh 
 Harbours, and finished with Plymouth. In this way we 
 got familiar with our own coast, and, given good weather, 
 these cruises were always enjoyable. But sometimes we 
 got very bad fogs ; then life became very strenuous. 
 Our next in the line was a ship with a very bad
 
 294 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 reputation, the Camperdown, or more generally the 
 Crampherdown. Ever since this ship had rammed and 
 sunk the Victoria she had been regarded with distrust ; 
 nobody liked to have her astern. Later on, when we 
 paid off the Howe and took over the Empress of India, 
 we had our culminating experience of her. The Home 
 Fleet left Bantry in fine weather for Kinsale, and was 
 almost immediately smothered in an usually dense fog ; 
 the Camperdown was still astern of us, and made several 
 ill-natured attempts to ram us. The last time she nearly 
 pulled it off and came within five feet. A miss is as good 
 as a mile, but the point was that the" newspapers got 
 hold of it and produced scare -lines with " Narrow escape 
 of the Empress of India. The Camperdown nearly rams 
 the next Ahead," and so on. The Admiralty wrote down 
 to the Admiral, who sent for me. Of course I did not 
 give away anybody, and I am not going to now, and 
 that was the last I heard of it. On these trips we used 
 to do a good deal of cruising at night without lights, and 
 the Trafalgar nearly bagged the Holyhead mailboat with 
 a hundred and fifty passengers on board, many of whom 
 got the scare of their lives ; but she escaped with the 
 loss of a plate or two. I don't think the Traffie was 
 much to blame ; so many ships would try to cut in 
 between our lines, then they would stop, blow off steam, 
 and whistle in a helpless manner. On this occasion the 
 Holyhead boat protested that she never saw any of us ; 
 I have my doubts. Our practice was much condemned 
 by Merchant Captains at the time, but the Great WUr 
 has reconciled them to it, I am sure, and we simply 
 had to get used to it. 
 
 For the autumn cruise we visited most of the Irish 
 ports, finishing with Lamlash, where we had the mis- 
 fortune to lose one of our best men, a diver. He went 
 down with another man in thirty fathoms, a great depth, 
 and on being hauled up (with all due precautions) 
 collapsed and died. The only words he uttered after 
 his helmet had been removed were "It's a long lane 
 that has no turning " ; meaning that he had been a 
 long time coming up. He was a Roman Catholic, and 
 as I had known him when he was coxswain to an old 
 friend of mine, Captain J. H. Pipon (Pipes), I went to 
 his funeral ; he was buried at Buncrana. I told the 
 priest to march with me. Presently a graveyard came 
 in view, very, well kept, and I remarked that he had
 
 HOWE, EMPRESS OF INDIA, THAMES, EOLUS 295 
 
 got it looking very nice. He replied that it was the 
 Protestant one. Presently theirs hove in sight, a terrible 
 contrast ill-kept, the walls crumbling, and finally, the 
 prepared grave half full of water. Yet the priests have 
 tremendous authority over their parishioners. Once or 
 twice they tried to stop recruiting for the Navy by for- 
 bidding boys to join the training ship Black Prince at 
 Queenstown, but the Admiral was too wily for them. 
 I am not a partisan for any particular religion, because 
 I firmly believe that if a man leads a good life and does 
 his best for humanity it is not of much importance in 
 what manner he worships his God, but he must do it 
 himself, and not leave it to others to do for him. 
 
 In January, 1901, we went on leave to London, and 
 on the 22nd Queen Victoria died at Osborne. The shock 
 to the nation was a great one. For days, indeed for 
 the rest of the time we were in London, until our return 
 to Queenstown on February 23rd, everyone wore black, 
 and I never saw the capital look so sombre ; there was 
 an extraordinary air of gloom. People looked as if we 
 had lost more than a great Queen, and so we had, for 
 she was also a great woman. 
 
 All warships were ordered to assemble at Portsmouth 
 to render homage to Her Majesty's remains when brought 
 over from Osborne for interment at Frogmore. I hurried 
 over to Queenstown and came over in the Howe, and we 
 moored in a long line of ships that extended along the 
 Solent from Osborne to Spithead. 
 
 On the ist of February the coffin started from 
 Osborne and was put on board the Alberta. As she 
 came abreast of us, steaming very slowly, we saw that 
 in the bow of the little craft stood a Lieutenant, a 
 prominent figure, and that on the quarterdeck (on a raised 
 canopy) rested the coffin. Four destroyers, two on each 
 beam, acted as escort. Then came the Osborne, Victoria 
 and Albert, Enchantress, and the Trinity House Yacht. 
 The sight was solemn and intensely emotional, and I 
 noticed that the officer who stood next to me was much 
 affected by it. The passing of our great Queen recalled 
 her many noble and sympathetic qualities. The ships 
 in the line fired minute guns until the cortege entered 
 the harbour. Then the Victory took it up, ceasing when 
 the Alberta was berthed alongside at Gosport. Thus 
 the body of the Queen passed on its first stage toward 
 its final resting place along lines of warships (including
 
 296 
 
 one from every naval Power) with colours, half-masted, 
 ships manned, bands playing the funeral march of Chopin 
 I believe Queen Victoria left instructions as to this 
 and guards presenting arms. We rendered all the 
 honours that we could. It was an extraordinary instance 
 of a most befitting ceremony. 
 
 After the Alberta had berthed, four Admirals guarded 
 the coffin during the night. On the following morning 
 all Admirals and Captains assembled at 7 a.m. at the 
 station. Ere long the coffin was brought on shore and 
 placed in a carriage specially prepared for the purpose. 
 Immediately behind it walked King Edward, members 
 of the Royal Family, and relatives belonging to other 
 Royal Houses. I was able to identify most of them 
 as they slowly passed between our ranks. It was the 
 most impressive ceremony that I ever took part in, and 
 the absence of a crowd made it more intense. The 
 coffin was carried by bluejackets ; it was a most remark- 
 able shape, very short, but the other dimensions greater 
 than usual. It was said that the bluejackets were sub- 
 stituted at the eleventh hour for the gillies, who were 
 to have performed that office but who proved not to 
 be sufficiently expert, furthermore that our men had been 
 trained by a far-seeing officer in anticipation of such 
 a contingency. Rumour stated that they had been 
 practised in lifting a coffin filled with sand until they 
 could do so without spilling any of it. By a curious 
 coincidence bluejackets had to come to the rescue again 
 at Windsor. It was a very cold day, and the horses 
 that were to draw the gun-carriage got a chill while 
 waiting, so the men of the naval guard-of-honour iwere 
 requisitioned, and, manning the drag-ropes, drew the 
 coffin to its final resting place. They were the fittest 
 men to perform this last office for the great Island 
 Queen. 
 
 I went on board the Alberta to look at the canopy 
 on which the coffin had rested. It was covered with 
 deep crimson velvet, and I secured a piece of it as a 
 souvenir ; it is now framed and, with Queen Victoria's 
 signature superimposed upon it, hangs in our drawing- 
 room. Close to it is a letter signed by Arthur Bigge, 
 acknowledging King George's acceptance, with his best 
 thanks, of a copy of my book An Admiral's Yarns. My 
 brother officers were not so lucky, for a horror-stricken 
 official stopped them ; however, some of them, came off
 
 with me and I presented each with a small portion. 
 Nothing like being first in the field ! 
 
 Thus the Navy paid its last tribute to the Queen 
 who reigned longer than any other ruler in our history, 
 and whose reign was one of unexampled prosperity, 
 during which the nation made enormous strides in 
 science, invention and arts, the like of which no other 
 century has seen. It was not to be expected that such 
 a long reign would pass without wars and rumours of 
 wars, but the latter very much predominated. The 
 Crimean War, the Indian Mutiny and the Boer War were 
 the only serious campaigns we were involved in, and 
 they would be considered sideshows at the present time. 
 Most of the other affairs were in the nature of expedi- 
 tions ; even the Egyptian Campaign was not much more. 
 The close of the reign found the Empire more con- 
 solidated than it had ever been. The Boer War and 
 the offers of aid from the Dominions proved that, and 
 the Queen became the first Empress of India. It was 
 an era of happiness and prosperity for the great majority. 
 People ask, " Were there ever any good old times? " 
 To which I reply, "Yes, up to August, 1914, when 
 Germany commenced to do her best to wreck the 
 world." At the present time it is almost impossible to 
 say whether she has succeeded or not. 
 
 It is a moot question as to what we were tending 
 to when the Great War crashed on us. I leave that to 
 abler brains than mine ; I have my own ideas though. 
 There is also the problem as to whether the war came to 
 save civilization or destroy it, as has happened in the past 
 history of the world. In the former alternative, which 
 I devoutly hope for, it seems to me that a long period 
 and a resolute pilot is required to steer us safely into port. 
 As regards Great Britain, I believe that no nation is at 
 heart so thoroughly loyal ; we want a little more 
 general patriotism instead of selfish individuality. In 
 other words, less Hedonism and more Altruism. But if 
 the debacle does come, I feel that we shall hold out 
 longer than any other nation against it. 
 
 The most glorious and beneficial reigns in our island 
 history occurred under Queens. Had I not been a 
 Victorian, I would have liked to have been an Eliza- 
 bethan sailor. Good Queen Bess perhaps not wholly 
 disinterestedly encouraged her seamen in their various 
 enterprises ; Prake and Raleigh are the best examples.
 
 298 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 Although we had a Royal Navy before her time, it began 
 to assume a more national and unique form under her. 
 They were seamen in the strict sense too ; now we are 
 more ' Men of the Sea,' although all come under the 
 general category of sailors. Up to quite recent days 
 seamen had a great deal in common. For example, 
 any officer of my earlier service could have handled an 
 Elizabethan ship and take out the funnel, close the 
 engine-room and unship the screw no doubt with a little 
 practice the converse holds good. But put the Eliza- 
 bethans into a steamship, and they would be ' All at Sea,' 
 just as much as the sailors of King George would be 
 in a fully masted steam frigate. It is a lost art to them. 
 But the Victorian is adaptable to either period, all of 
 which goes to prove that he is the connecting link. 
 Although it was not our good fortune to share in the 
 exploits of the Navy during the late war, we felt over- 
 whelming pride at their triumphs, and rejoiced to think 
 that we had been succeeded by such splendid sons of 
 the sea, and also were glad to remind' ourselves that we 
 had helped to train them. 
 
 And now back to Queens town, whence we had pro- 
 ceeded after my leave. Lake and his Flag -Lieutenant, 
 Henry Cochrane, were now relieved by Rear-Admiral 
 Jeffries and Viscount Kelburne. We bade adieu to the 
 former and Mrs. Lake with great regret ; we had all 
 been very happy together. Kelburne only stayed until 
 October, when he left for more active service, and his 
 place was taken by Harold Sulivan ; each 1 was an 
 acquisition to Queenstown, and deservedly popular. 
 
 Another cruise, and this time we visited the Scilly 
 Isles, a most interesting collection of islands. On this 
 occasion we moored in Crow Sound, on a future one 
 off St. Mary's, the former anchorage being a bad one 
 on account of the rocky bottom. The daffodils were 
 in full bloom. Yet another cruise in August, when we 
 visited all the most important seaside resorts on the South 
 Coast of England, and the trippers and taxpayers had 
 a chance of seeing how some of their money was spent 
 a chance that numbers availed themselves of and 
 the ships were crowded with visitors. This time we 
 finished with a sham battle with the Channel Fleet, under 
 Sir Arthur Wilson, V.C., known in the Service as ' Tug 
 Wilson.' It took place off the Lizard ; the Channel 
 Fleet came up from the Eastward a.nd the Home Fleet
 
 HOWE, EMPRESS OF INDIA, THAMES, EOLUS 299 
 
 from the Westward, the former in line -ahead, a forma- 
 tion it preserved during the whole of the mimic combat. 
 We approached in subdivisions, and on nearing the 
 pseudo -enemy got into line also ; we were at the time 
 in easy range, but our adversary chivalrously refrained 
 from opening fire. Then both sides went at it (the 
 distance was a few thousand yards, and it makes one 
 smile to think of it in view of late experiences) and 
 we blazed away for some time ; rather a fine sight ; 
 then we got into subdivisions again and Gerry began 
 manoeuvring. He had a favourite ' Alter course by 
 Subdivisions,' at which we had been practising, and now 
 was the opportunity for it ! The factor of time entered 
 into it, each subdivision altering course after the 
 expiration of a certain number of minutes. It was rather 
 a complicated affair, the result being that, while the 
 Channel Fleet followed a steady course and had a good 
 line of direction for their guns, we were twisting and 
 turning like Morris Dancers, and the guns never steady 
 on their targets ; it must have looked very pretty though. 
 Finally our Fleet got a trifle mixed up and the Channel 
 Fleet drew off, feeling, no doubt (with reason), that they 
 had scored a glorious victory. I think that the lesson 
 we learnt was that fancy work in the face of an enemy 
 is undesirable, to put it mildly. 
 
 Two days after this bloodless affair we were back 
 in Queenstown, and were honoured by a visit from the 
 Duke of Connaught, who arrived in the Melampus 
 (Captain Hart -Dyke) ; he had come from Kingston on a 
 tour of inspection. H.R.H. is so well known that I need 
 not say more than that he attracted all of us by his 
 charming manner. He lunched with the Admiral, a 
 function at which as one of the Staff I attended. In 
 December of that year (1901) he paid us another visit, 
 this time accompanied by the Duchess and the Princesses 
 Margaret and Patricia. The party lunched at Admiralty 
 House, and I had the honour of sitting next to Princess 
 Margaret. Her charming and unaffected manner com- 
 pletely captivated me. 
 
 Hart -Dyke was an old friend of mine and an interest- 
 ing companion. He had a marvellous memory as regards 
 Service dates and occurrences, in fact he was a walking 
 naval encyclopaedia, a sort of Naval 'Dato.' After his 
 retirement he lived at Banbury, and we kept up our friend- 
 ship until his death just before the war. i
 
 300 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 Late in 1901 we received orders to go to Plymouth 
 and turn over to the Empress of India ; this gave us 
 great satisfaction, and we did not waste time. It was 
 a great change from the obsolete Howe to the compara- 
 tively modern Empress, although she had passed her first 
 bloom. From 10,000 tons to 14,000 and a complement 
 of 780 was a great advance, and when it came to sea- 
 going qualities the advance was still more marked. It 
 was like changing from a duck-punt to a Captain's galley. 
 Handling the Empress after the Howe was a delight. 
 In a head-sea the fore part of the Howe would be sub- 
 merged most of the time, while the higher freeboard of 
 the Empress enabled her to ride triumphantly over any- 
 thing but a very bad sea. 
 
 During the time the ship was at Plymouth I went 
 for a short leave to the gay metropolis and got inoculated 
 with bridge, then coming (or come) into fashion. The 
 officers used to come to my cabin after dinner for whist, 
 and on my return we started bridge, and introduced it 
 into Queenstown. I bade farewell to whist with much 
 regret and still think that there is more in it. But we 
 had to accept the inevitable and swallow in succession 
 all the future improvements (?) without demur. I wonder 
 if we shall ever reach finality. I find my whist memory 
 very useful. 
 
 When we next went out, in January, 1902, we went to 
 the Channel Islands, and at Jersey were selected to conduct 
 a coaling experiment at sea from an attendant collier. 
 We steamed at a moderate speed, with the collier in tow^ 
 and an endless overhead wire between us on which the 
 bags ran on rollers. In this way we, took in about forty 
 tons an hour ; not good enough, but it demonstrated that 
 it could be done. It was evident that it was not a very 
 satisfactory method except on an emergency ; moreover, 
 the ships had to keep under way, and were burning coal 
 all the time. 
 
 On the conclusion of this trip we went to Plymouth 
 to have the wireless installed. It was estimated that it 
 would take several weeks, and the Admiral became 
 unhappy at the idea of being deprived of his flagship. 
 In response to his representations the Admiralty directed 
 me to temporarily commission the Thames (a second- 
 class cruiser), with the requisite number of officers and 
 men from the Empress, and take her over to Queenstown 
 to act as the Flagship until the Empress was ready.
 
 HOWE, EMPRESS OF INDIA, THAMES, EOLUS 301 
 
 Accordingly I turned over to her with three hundred 
 officers and men, leaving the remainder with Moubray. 
 At first we thought it rather a good scheme, but that did 
 not last very long, for we had only been in harbour 
 fourteen days when a telegram ordered us to proceed 
 to Glasgow at once, adding that we were destined to 
 take part in a search for a missing steamer of the Allan 
 Line. I got the order in the evening, and soon after 
 midnight slipped and proceeded out of harbour, arriving 
 at Greenock the following evening. We were none of 
 us very elated over this job, and I think Philip Watson, 
 the First-Lieutenant, was most to be pitied, as he had 
 been expending time and money on the old craft in 
 making her look smart she had got rather shop -worn 
 in the reserve and it was all wasted. 
 
 Mr. Allan and the Superintendent came down from 
 Glasgow, and we learnt that the ship in question was 
 the Huronian, She was long overdue, in fact there was 
 very little doubt that the unfortunate ship was lost with 
 all hands. An interested M.P. had asked whether a war- 
 ship had been detailed to search for her, and our despatch 
 was the result. The area allotted to us was between 
 Iceland and the North Coast of Ireland, and in view 
 of the climatic conditions I applied to the Admiralty 
 for extra warm clothing for the men. In response a 
 special train arrived from Deptford with the necessary 
 garments, and having coaled, we left immediately on a 
 quest that we feared would not be crowned with success. 
 The Admiralty sent a track chart of the courses we were 
 to follow, and we commenced by starting from that 
 remarkable islet, Rockall, a dangerous rock that rises 
 sheer out of sea distant about 180 miles West of the 
 Hebrides. We kept up a speed of fifteen knots the whole 
 time. 
 
 I believe the Authorities had an idea that these waters 
 were deserted ; if so, I disillusioned them, for on our 
 first return I sent in a track chart with the positions 
 of all the ships we had sighted, from a full -powered 
 liner and a barque down to steam trawlers and 
 schooners ; no ship in distress would have had to wait 
 long for assistance. But orders are orders, and we filled 
 up again and went on our way once more until we had 
 completed the pretty design that the Hydrographic Office 
 had sent us, then we made a burst for Queenstown, 
 getting back by the I ith of May, the only variation
 
 302 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 to the monotony of the trip being the sails we had 
 sighted and the magnificent scenery of the Scottish coast. 
 This cruise was one of my worst experiences of 
 continued bad weather. It was very cold and it blew and 
 rained hard nearly all the time. The Thames was, to 
 put it mildly, very lively ; she was a box of guns, had 
 a low freeboard and the seas slopped in continually. My 
 orders to the officers were to pick up everything they 
 saw ; all lookouts were doubled, and directly anything 
 was sighted the engines were put full speed astern and 
 two lifeboats lowered. In this way we collected all sorts 
 of junk, flotsam and jetsam of the sea, from empty 
 barrels, buoys, planks, etc., to bottles ; the latter we 
 examined with breathless anticipation, but we never got 
 a message from the sea. I got quite accustomed to being 
 shaken up at night by the above evolution, but in the 
 daytime it provided excitement. We had the band on 
 board, which was a great solace, and it played twice 
 a day. 
 
 On the eve of our second departure Messrs. Allan 
 sent me off three cases of Perrier and Jouet. I sent two 
 to the wardroom, and for some time I heard orders 
 for a bottle of ' Allan Water.' There is not much doubt 
 in my mind that the unfortunate Haronian rammed an 
 iceberg, but she added another to the list of the mysteries 
 of the sea. 
 
 During our stay at Greenock I saw something of 
 the shipbuilding industry through the courtesy of Messrs. 
 Scott, and I spent a day with one of the firm, leaving 
 very much impressed. I also visited Glasgow with some 
 officers, and we were entertained at lunch at the Yacht 
 Club by the Allans, who did their best to express their 
 sympathy with us on the inconvenience we were put to. 
 The climate of Ireland was a relief after our late 
 experience, but it knows how to rain there ; no wonder 
 the grass is so green! There is a tradition that it never 
 freezes ; it certainly did not during our three years. 
 Another legend says there are no snakes ; all I can say 
 is that I did see one perhaps it was a pet that had 
 escaped ! 
 
 On the 2oth of May my wife and I went to London. 
 It was the right time to be there ; one was sure to 
 meet plenty of friends and relations. It seems different 
 now, and is no longer the London we knew, autres temps 
 autres marurs. On return I took the Thames back to
 
 110WE, EMPRESS OF INDIA, THAMES, EOLVS 303 
 
 Plymouth, rejoined the Empress, and on the 20th of 
 June joined the Home Fleet at Portland, where it was 
 assembling for the coronation review on the 26th. It 
 will be recalled that this had to be postponed at the 
 eleventh hour owing to the King being attacked by 
 appendicitis, to the great alarm of the nation. 
 
 Instead of festivities we had a cruise and visited 
 some ports in Scotland, finishing off by the end of July. 
 The 7th of August found us all back again at Spithead 
 for the postponed review. The postponement rather suited 
 me, for on the first occasion an Admiral had been directed 
 to hoist his flag in the Empress for the review, and I 
 should have had to turn out of his cabins and go into 
 my own. It was very inopportune too, for I had invited 
 a party on board for the day ; the Admiral had been 
 very nice about it and said that he would be very glad 
 to see me and my wife at lunch, but he had said nothing 
 about my friends. The postponement settled all that, and 
 on the second occasion the Admiralty left us as a private 
 ship, so, with the officers, we entertained about 120 
 people, and used my fore-cabin (a very large one) and 
 the wardroom for that purpose. 
 
 The King was crowned on the 9th, and on the day 
 previous two tickets for the ceremony in Westminster 
 Abbey were allotted to each Captain. I declined mine 
 because my wife had decided not to cross over a second 
 time and was giving a dinner party in honour of the event. 
 It was a disappointment to both of us, for it was a 
 magnificent and unique ceremony. 
 
 The review was held on the i6th, and the weather 
 was propitious until nightfall, when it rained heavily, 
 but it did not prevent a multitude of people from 
 turning out to witness the illumination of the Fleet, 
 which was a fine sight, some of the designs being 
 very artistic. 
 
 The King passed down the lines in the Victoria and 
 Albert, and then the yacht anchored in the middle of 
 the Fleet. During the afternoon His Majesty signalled 
 for all Admirals and Captains to repair on board, and 
 presented us all with' coronation medals. His Majesty 
 looked every inch a King, as he always did, and seemed 
 in excellent spirits. I stood for a long time close to 
 Queen Alexandra, and had an opportunity of studying 
 her closely. She was dressed in her usual faultless style 
 and looked radiantly happy.
 
 304 MY LIFE, AND A PEW YARNS 
 
 An August 1 8th the Fleet weighed and in two lines 
 passed before the King, who had taken up a position in 
 the Royal Yacht close to the Nab Lightship. The long 
 and formidable procession steamed past rapidly with, ships 
 manned, men cheering and bands playing. There was 
 no hitch anywhere ; everything went off according to 
 schedule, and the Admirals must have patted each other 
 on the back. After the last ship had passed the King 
 made the signal ' Magnificent spectacle, splendid order 
 kept.' On all these occasions he wore the uniform of 
 an Admiral of the Fleet, which became him immensely, 
 and at the review, mindful of his r61e, he signalled ' Splice 
 the main -brace.' A good instance of his thoughtfulness 
 for others. 
 
 The Channel Fleet then parted company and we 
 returned to Queenstown. We experienced great benefit 
 from our new toy, the wireless, and coming over from 
 England I was able to send my wife a message when 
 we were a hundred miles off that I should be home to 
 dinner. Some convenience 1 
 
 About this time the Admiralty and Army Council 
 issued instructions that R.A. Officers were to be invited 
 out to witness our target practice. A party went out 
 with us and showed great interest, all of it being in the 
 turrets during the firing except the Colonel, who preferred 
 the bridge. He had been a Horse Gunner, and was more 
 interested in horse*. However, he woke up when we 
 anchored ; the prodigious splash made by our five-ton 
 anchor astonished and delighted him, so much so that 
 I offered to let go the other one. With much considera- 
 tion he declined. 
 
 On September 9th I was hastily summoned home ; 
 my father had been knocked down by a bicycle and died 
 in a few hours without regaining consciousness. He was 
 eighty -four years of age, and had for a long time retired 
 from business. He and my mother had lived alone at 
 Chiswick. My mother now went to live with my eldest 
 brother, who had retired from the Indian Civil Service 
 and taken a house at Ealing, a place much affected by 
 Anglo-Indians. Here she spent the remainder of her 
 days, dying at the age of eighty -four also. Their bodies 
 lie in the same grave at Chiswick Church, of which the 
 Rector was the Reverend Lawford Dale, an old friend of 
 our family, and under whom my brother Ferdinand served 
 as Curate for many years. No man had ever more
 
 HOWE, EMPRESS OF INDIA, THAMES, EOLUS 305 
 
 devoted parents. My father in his old age occupied his 
 time with literary and philanthropic works. My mother 
 remained simple and countryfied to the last. She was a 
 skilled illuminator, and among other works produced a 
 beautiful ' Te Deum,' of which only a limited number 
 of copies was printed. Her Majesty Queen Victoria was 
 graciously pleased to accept one and sent my mother a 
 gold Maltese Cross as a mark of her appreciation ; this 
 very much delighted her, and she became a more staunch 
 Victorian than ever. My parents left many attached 
 friends to mourn them. 
 
 I had to hurry back, for yet another change in the 
 organization of the Home Fleet entailed the withdrawal 
 of the Empress from Queenstown. I took her to 
 Plymouth and turned her over to Burney, now Admiral 
 of the Fleet, Sir Cecil Burney, Bart. Then I com- 
 missioned the Eolus, a second-class cruiser, and returned 
 to Queenstown. My cruising days were over and I 
 settled down as Flag-Captain to do my duty in the state 
 to which the Admiralty had called me. 
 
 In October we were visited by the Viceroy and Lady 
 Dudley. The former, with his Staff, arrived in H.M.S. Juno, 
 Captain David Beatty '(whom I met for the first time) ; he 
 had already made his mark. He looked like a man who 
 would take his chance, and he has done so. I had met 
 his wife at dinner on the Hyacinth (Captain Douglas 
 Gamble, a cheery, hospitable man, renowned for his 
 entertainments ; nothing less than a French chef would 
 do for him). I accompanied the Admiral to welcome 
 the Vice -Regal party, and attended subsequent entertain- 
 ments at Admiralty House that were graced by various 
 notabilities such as Lord and Lady Bandon, Lord 
 Plunkett, and the Honorary Horace Plunkett. Lord and 
 Lady Dudley were a most representative couple. 
 
 1903 arrived, and in the middle of January my suc- 
 cessor was appointed ; once more it was Captain Greet. 
 I turned things over gladly, for it was hard to interest 
 oneself in a ship like the Eolus in which I did not go 
 to sea. We had the house on our hands until March, and 
 remained in it. On the day we began to pack up I 
 was appointed to a War Course at Greenwich. Hurrying 
 over our farewells, we arrived in London on March 17, 
 1903. This last tour of service had been very pleasant, 
 so many of my brother officers were old friends and 
 messmates. Among them were ' Uncle Bill ' (F. iW. 
 
 20
 
 306 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 Fisher), Dick Gresley, J. E. C. Goodrich (a classmate), 
 Dick White and G. A. Primrose (who was a Sub 
 with me in the Monarch). " I count myself in nothing 
 else so happy, as in a soul rememb'ring my good 
 friends."
 
 CHAPTER XVIII 
 COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT 
 
 When in the storm on Albion's coast, 
 The night-watch guards his wary post 
 
 From thoughts of danger free ; 
 He marks some vessel's dusky form. 
 And hears amid the howling storm 
 
 The minute gun at sea. 
 
 ON March 18, 1903., I went to Greenwich like Tennyson's 
 sailor boy, ' Flushed with Hope.' The war course was 
 an advance in the art of studying war, and I expected 
 to learn something of that art. I may as well confess 
 that I ' Came out by the same door through which I 
 Went in.' The class consisted of about a dozen officers, 
 divided into two parties, and engaged with two mimic 
 fleets in hostilities. At my arrival they had got into an 
 impasse, the senior officer of the Red Fleet having 
 manoeuvred into such a position that his next move meant 
 defeat, so he obstinately refused to make that move. Soon 
 the Easter vacation commenced, and I received an offer 
 of an appointment, which I accepted and withdrew, leaving 
 the Blue Fleet still dominant. My companions were all 
 agreeable men. One of them was Captain Sir R. K. 
 Arbuthnot, Bart., who as a Rear-Admiral was killed at 
 Jutland in the Defence, that blew up while he was leading 
 his division at the enemy. He had not recovered from 
 a bad accident caused by the breech-block of a gun blowing! 
 out, some of the gun's crew being killed. 
 
 My appointment was as District Captain to the Western 
 District of Coastguard and Naval Reserves, to reside at 
 Liverpool. My district embraced the whole of the West 
 Coast of England and Wales, from Tors Point, N.B., round 
 Land's End to Yealm (near Plymouth), hundreds of miles. 
 It included the Isle of Man, Anglesey, and the Scilly Isles, 
 and was divided into nine divisions, under four Com- 
 
 30T
 
 308 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 manders, five Lieutenants, and forty-five chief officers in 
 charge of stations and batteries. A Cruiser, the Spartan ; 
 two Gunboats, the Antelope and Circe ; and two Drill 
 Ships, the D&dalus at Bristol, with the Eagle at Liverpool, 
 completed the division. 
 
 I arrived at Liverpool on the 2ist of May, and my 
 wife and I put up at the North-Western Hotel and 
 started house hunting, and soon got one to our liking. 
 It rejoiced in the name of ' Olive Vale,' and was situated 
 in VVavertree Nook, quite romantic. It was in a charming 
 oasis with a walled garden, and picturesquely built. Our 
 son was now at Clifton College, where he had won an 
 exhibition, and his chum was Hal Stockley, whose father 
 was born in Olive Vale, a curious coincidence. 'We got 
 to know Arthur and Eleanor Stockley, his parents, and 
 they are among our best and dearest friends. He is the 
 head of the firm of Elders and Fyffes, and is mainly 
 responsible for its conception. I have been out to the 
 West Indies three times with him in their fine steamers, 
 of which they had twenty-two before the war ; eleven 
 were lost during that time. All Stockley's friends will 
 agree with me that he is an excellent companion, a 
 generous and good friend. The firm's headquarters are 
 at 31, Bow Street. Many a festive lunch have I had 
 there. Once, as I was leaving my club, I was met by a 
 brother officer who inquired where I was off to ; I 
 answered (putting on a lugubrious air), " Bow Street." He 
 looked very sympathetic. I felt certain that he would 
 go into the smokinsr-room and say to our mutual friends, 
 ' I wonder what old Fleet had been up to ; he has just 
 gone off to Bow Street, and he looked awfully down in the 
 mouth.' But I never left those premises feeling like that, 
 for more convivial and amusing men are hard to meet. 
 Hal Stockley, a lad of spirit, volunteered when the war 
 broke out, and got a commission in the 3rd battalion of 
 the Leicestershire Regiment, joining it in the trenches ; 
 he was twice severely wounded, won the Military Cross, 
 and finished as Adjutant of his battalion. 
 
 We found some of our friend's of the King's Regiment 
 at Liverpool, and got a cordial welcome, and before long 
 met a well-known resident, Arthur Earle, of Childwall, 
 who lived close to us : to know him was a sure way of 
 knowing as mqr>v people as we wanted to. An old mess- 
 mate of mine. Commander the Hon. H. A. S. Stanhope, 
 was in command of the Dcedalus, and his friends promptly
 
 COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT 309 
 
 called on us. The time came for me to begin my rounds, 
 and on July i6th I started off to Carlisle ; thence I went 
 to Maryport and worked down the coast of Cumberland 
 and Lancashire back to Liverpool, very much enjoying 
 the scenery of the Falls, the interesting city of Carlisle 
 and the coast line. 
 
 This inspecting duty was very agreeable, and being 
 my own master, I was able to proceed leisurely. Having 
 determined the particular division I intended to inspect, 
 it only remained to write to the officer in charge, direct 
 him to arrange an itinerary and transport and meet me 
 on a given date. 
 
 I do not propose to ask my readers to accompany 
 me all round these hundreds of miles ; no doubt had he 
 been seated with me in a comfortable landau, my usual 
 conveyance, he would have extracted the same amount of 
 pleasure and interest as I did. The carriage might be 
 trundling along the road near the coast, and suddenly 
 turn off toward the sea, plunging into a cleft in which 
 was tucked away a charming little village like Clovelly, 
 where everything was quaintly fascinating, and the arrival 
 of the Inspecting Captain produced quite a sensation. 
 Or you might be driving through a town such as Ilfra- 
 combe, and come across the station apparently in the 
 heart of it, where your arrival excited little interest. Or 
 the station might be tucked away at the foot of a cliff, 
 or even boldly exposed on the summit. 
 
 The carriage rolls up, the station officer appears, and 
 the men are seen drawn up under arms. After inspecting 
 them an adjournment was made to the watch-house, 
 and they were examined on various subjects, such as how 
 to resuscitate an apparently drowned man, signalling, and 
 inspection of kits. The men were then dismissed to their 
 houses and the books gone through, the final ceremony 
 being the inspection of the houses, where the wives and 
 children awaited one, the latter always kept at home 
 for the Captain to see, and very bonny children they 
 almost invariably were. Of all the five hundred houses I 
 inspected there was scarcely one that was not clean and 
 tidy. The children too were the same. I have more 
 than a suspicion that the men did a great deal of the 
 household work and the women had more leisure to look 
 after the children. 
 
 To the civilian the Coastguardman is a man in a 
 bluejacket's kit, who strolls about (with a glass under his
 
 310 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 arm) on the beach at a seaside place. But to the Navy 
 he is an important reserve that can be drawn upon in 
 an emergency. To the maritime world he is a guardian 
 ever on watch. No matter what the weather, the coast 
 is patrolled by these men. The little path along the 
 cliff to the trysting place where he meets the man from 
 the next station is worn by his foot, and no ship can get 
 into danger without the coastguard being aware of it and 
 calling out the lifeboat. Warmly clothed, he faces the 
 fiercest gales, his keen eyes ever alert, and his ' Tuckstick ' 
 in his hand, ready to telephone from the nearest station 
 or to burn blue lights. The ' Tuckstick ' is a relic of the 
 smuggling days (and resembles a swordstick, in that a 
 blade is hidden in it), that was used for piercing suspected 
 packages which might contain smuggled articles. 
 
 After praising the women for the spotless condition 
 of their houses and rosy-faced children, the Inspecting 
 Captain departed to the next station, with a word of 
 praise to the chief officer. Several times some words 
 from Ben Bolt occurred to me ; how Alice ' Blushed with 
 delight when he gave her a smile and trembled at his 
 Frown.' Put the station officer in Alice's place and 
 substitute the Captain for Ben Bolt, and there you have 
 it. Of course they always knew that you were coming ; 
 telephones and telegraphs cannot be muzzled. Once, when 
 motoring, I short-circuited a station and arrived un- 
 expectedly at the next. After a time a telegram was put 
 into my hand marked ' Navy ' ; as senior officer I opened 
 it. It ran, " Look out, the Inspecting Captain has just 
 passed through." I handed it to the station officer, who 
 did not enjoy it as much as I did. 
 
 Motors were then a rarity, and the only place where 
 one was procurable was Llanelly. The car was a Darracq 
 of the earliest date. The hills in Wales are fierce, and 
 once we had to be ignominiously hauled up one by a pair 
 of horses. On my very last trip it broke down utterly, 
 and we had to abandon it. Luckily, we only had to walk 
 a couple of miles to the station of Conwyl, whence we 
 took train to Carmarthen. But with bags to carry, those 
 two miles seemed like twenty before we were through. I 
 had Hugh Wyatt, who married my cousin, Agnes Fleet, 
 with me, and I don't think he enjoyed carrying his bag 
 any more thani I did. 
 
 An accident, that might have been accompanied by 
 disaster, occurred while I was driving from Portreath to
 
 COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT 311 
 
 Gwythian, on the East side of St. Ives Bay. Coming 
 down the hill we noticed a sandstorm blowing across the 
 road, which here skirted the beach ; we plunged into it, 
 and the carriage came to a dead stop. Looking out of 
 the window, all I could distinguish was the driver on his 
 knees. "Great Scott! " I exclaimed, "he's saying his 
 prayers! " Then I noticed the horses had disappeared, 
 and we discovered that the shock had broken the pole, 
 and the frightened animals had snapped the traces and 
 gone off, pulling 1 the driver off the box. I sent my 
 companion off to the coastguard station, which was luckily 
 not very far off, and some of the m'en came for our bags, 
 and we reached Gwythian, passing on the way one of the 
 horses lying in a field, stone dead. The poor thing had 
 bolted right on to the shafts of a butcher's cart in the 
 village ; the other returned the whole of the way to 
 Bodmin, about sixteen miles. After the inspection I hired 
 the only available transport in the village, a cart driven 
 by a woman, and we got to Gwinnear Road, picking up 
 a train for Plymouth. We sat on a board with a good 
 lady, and, among other queries, I put to her the time- 
 honoured one about St. Ives and the man with seven 
 wives. She had never heard of this old catch, although 
 born and bred in the vicinity. I was provided with a 
 book of passes available on any railway, and I had a good 
 subsistence allowance that covered everything except extras, 
 tips and luxuries. They went into things very carefully, 
 for once I Nvas asked whfy- I had not taken the coach from 
 Minehead to Ilfracombe instead of a landau. There was 
 no lemon to this answer. In the first place there were 
 Lynmouth and Combe Martin to be inspected 1 , and the 
 coach was not likely to wait for me. Secondly, the out- 
 side of a coach full up with people going to and from 
 market was not 'the place for a Captain on duty in uniform 
 and trimmings. I heard no more from the zealous clerk 
 who found this mare's nest. Travelling in uniform was 
 not so universal as it now is, and one felt the cynosure 
 of all eyes, doubtless pure imagination. It did lead to 
 awkward moments, such as happened at Bangor, when a 
 lady took me for the stationmaster and asked me to 
 have her luggage labelled. I kept ur> the illusion (she 
 was young and not uncomely), and calling a porter, gave 
 him the order in a most stationmasterish voice, and was 
 rewarded with a sweet smile from 1 the lady. But I don't 
 know why she imagine^ that a statianm^ster wgs entitle^
 
 312 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 to wear a sword and a few modest decorations, that again 
 were not so universal in those days. But I felt a warm 
 glow after that smile. Virtue is its own reward, but the 
 most virtuous of us like it supplemented. 
 
 About this time my cousin, Sir Edward Alford, who 
 had come home from China, took Riseley Hall, in York- 
 shire, for the summer, and invited us to visit him. It 
 gave us a chance of seeing York and Ripon Cathedrals. 
 I have a penchant for Cathedrals, and have seen most 
 of our English ones. They knew how to build in those 
 days. i 
 
 And we spent a day at Fountain's Abbey. What a 
 glorious pile, even in ruin ! How could our ancestors 
 let these places decay. Here in Reading, where we have 
 pitched our tent until " The dark Ferash strikes and 
 prepares it for another guest," the only remains of the 
 Abbey are a few walls. The rest has gone to build 
 Sonning Bridge, cottages in the vicinity, and shade of 
 Macadam mend the roads. They were certainly utili- 
 tarians in those days! 
 
 On our return I had to go to Barrow to attend the 
 launching of the Dominion by Princess Louise. Those 
 who have attended such a ceremony have doubtless 
 remarked what an extraordinary sight it is when the ship 
 glides off the ways and discloses a large vacant space, 
 until then obscured' by her bulk. Instead of her towering 
 mass, we see thousands of people, lining the sides of the 
 slipway, until then concealed from 1 the view 1 of the elite 
 assembled at the bow. The effect is most curious. Just 
 before the ceremony I was startled by the Princess turning 
 to me and requesting me to tell a girl not to photograph 
 her. I spotted the delinquent, and in my best manner 
 invited the fair offender to desist, which of course she 
 promptly did. After the ceremony the elite lunched in 
 the model room, and we were honoured by the presence 
 of H.R.H. This affair was in August, and in the following 
 November the Princess came to Liverpool to lay a 
 foundation stone. I was again present, and this time 
 my wife was invited, and the Princess commanded me to 
 present her. The Royal Family possess an extraordinary 
 facultv of recalling .people that they have met, if only once. 
 The Lord Mayor entertained us in the Town Hall, and 
 the Princess was present. She very much impressed us 
 with her charm of manner. 
 
 I soon discovered that my headquarters should have
 
 COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT 313 
 
 been at Bristol. Liverpool was too far North. My usual 
 course was to go to some central place and start from 
 there, such as Exeter, Tenby, Plymouth, Falmouth or 
 Penzance, where one could put in a day or two most 
 pleasantly, notably Plymouth, where I had still many 
 friends, and where I put up at the Yacht Club on the 
 Hoe. The last letter I wrote on service was to advice 
 the removal of the office to Bristol, and it was eventually 
 done. 
 
 Winter was coming on, so we gave ourselves over to 
 the festivities provided by our good friends. Dinners were 
 a great feature. Perhaps I should be nearer the truth 
 if I called them banquets ; as it was we called them 
 ' Belshazzar's Feasts.' The art of dining was certainly 
 understood by the hospitable Liverpudlians, and thor- 
 oughly appreciated by us, as were the capital balls at the 
 Wellington Rooms and the Philharmonic Concerts. 
 
 I next went to the Isle of Man in the Spartan 
 (Captain A. W. Heneage, now an Admiral). We used to 
 see a good deal of this agreeable and capable officer. 
 I made my headquarters at Douglas, and visited Peel, 
 Castletown and Ramsey in turn. Most of my readers 
 are familiar with this island (if they have not visited it) 
 by reading Hall Caine's books. At Peel there is a 
 justifiable air of antiquity. Here the R.N.R. battery was 
 manned entirely by fishermen of the island, a fine healthy 
 body of men. The following year I stayed with friends, 
 Charles Callow and his wife. Callow was at that time 
 Vicar-General, and soon after became one of the two 
 Deemsters. We first met these warm-hearted people at 
 Liverpool, and hearing that I was about to visit the island, 
 they insisted on my staying with them at their place, 
 near Douglas, and bringing my wife. They made our 
 visit very agreeable, and introduced us to all the many 
 objects of interest with which the isle abounds. Since 
 my retirement we have twice visited them', and one of our 
 visits coincided with the time of the ceremony at the 
 Tynwald Mound. It was attended by the Governor (Lord 
 Raglan), the Deemsters, the Bishop of Sodor and Man, 
 the Speaker, the House of Keys, and other officials. The 
 ceremony commenced in the church of St. John's, near 
 the mound, the latter being formerly the seat of thje 
 Supreme Court, now held in Douglas. It opened witH 
 a short service by the Bishop, after which a procession 
 was formed, headed by the Governor, th'at marched to
 
 814 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 the mound, which is constructed of earth brought from all 
 the parishes. The various Acts passed during the previous 
 year were then read in Manx, a dialect of the Celtic and 
 almost extinct. I regret to say that I disgraced myself 
 during this part of the ceremony. The Manx language 
 apparently does not contain words for all commodities, 
 and amidst a flow of unknown and quaintly sounding 
 words, to hear these commonplace articles interpolated 
 suddenly was too much for my gravity, and I exploded 
 with laughter. Unfortunately I stood in front of the 
 mound, plainly visible to all the authorities, and had they 
 not also been possessed with a sense of humour (or 
 politeness) it is possible that I might have been put in 
 irons and confined in the deepest dungeon beneath the 
 castle moat ; as it was, I was treated with undeserved 
 clemency. But, I ask you (after listening to a succession 
 of extraordinary words that sounded as if they had been 
 invented for the occasion), what would have happened 
 to you when you heard something like this : "Je yn 
 bailey bee eh doonit son creek my chur, fried fish and 
 chipped potatoes, eh son veg ny er aght," if you had not 
 laughed? After the ceremony we returned to the church, 
 where the first sitting of the House of Keys was held. 
 
 For the Scilly Isles I embarked in the Spartan at 
 Penzance, and put up at the ' Tregarthen ' on St. Mary's 
 Isle ; after visiting the stations the Spartan landed me at 
 Falmouth. 
 
 On my return to Liverpool I got a very nice letter from 
 T. A. Dorrien-Smith, the owner of the islands (generally 
 alluded to as the King of the Scillies), inviting me to 
 put up at Tresco Abbey on any future occasion, and 
 regretting his absence during my visit. I had met him 
 at Portsmouth with Lord Chesham. They were both 
 former officers of the loth Hussars, and came down to 
 welcome that crack regiment home from India. I was 
 in the Serapis, and C. R. Wood (Lieut. R.N., whose 
 brother commanded the regiment) brought them on board 
 to have lunch with me while waiting for the Trooper to 
 come up harbour. I met Chesham several times after- 
 wards, but had not seen Dorrien-Smith again. At my 
 next visit I crossed over in the Circe, went to Tresco 
 Abbey, and remained in that charming place until my 
 inspections were completed. There was a houseful of 
 visitors, and our host and his daughters made the time 
 pass most pleasantly. The late Sir Charles Dilke was
 
 COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT 315 
 
 there in a yacht, and I had an opportunity of conversing 
 with this remarkably well-informed man, most of it being 
 with regard to the Navy, with which he seemed to be 
 very familiar. The islands, from the seaman's point of 
 view, are most dangerous, but the region has many light- 
 houses. Coming over from Ireland in the Empress on 
 a fine night was like driving down a well -lit street. The 
 last time we crossed it was so thick that we could not 
 pick up any light at all. Suddenly we found ourselves 
 right under Pendeen, and I have often shuddered to think 
 how close we passed those two pinnacle rocks, the Brissons. 
 The collection of figureheads on the grounds at Tresco 
 Abbey testify to the dangers of the islands. Admiral 
 A. H. Smith-Dorrien, brother of the above, is, I am glad 
 to say, one of my friends. When we went out in the 
 Arcadia he joined at the last moment at Tilbury in full 
 hunting kit ; he had been out, and had no time to change. 
 As it was, he very nearly missed his passage to China, 
 whither he was going to take command of the Alacrity. 
 
 To get to my office trams were available. The con- 
 versations one overheard were sometimes interesting, some- 
 times amusing. It is extraordinary how certain people will 
 air their opinions in public. Do they think that we others 
 are deaf? I have also noticed the same trait when 
 travelling by rail, when people discuss their private affairs 
 with appalling frankness, or as an alternative make a 
 hearty meal of some sort. 
 
 Two women in the tram at Liverpool were criticizing 
 the city and its inhabitants with the usual freedom ; it was 
 evident that they were from the Emerald Isle. Liver- 
 pool's most fashionable street is Bold Street, and one was 
 decrying it to the other, comparing it most unfavourably 
 to Sackville Street. The other agreed with her, and 
 clinched the matter by saying, "Bold Street I There's 
 nivver anny of the Quality there ! Now ye cannot walk 
 down Sackville Street without meeting some of the 
 Noblesse Oblige" 
 
 Another time a female got in with a basket of fish, 
 and it soon became apparent that they ought to be buried 
 as soon as possible ; perhaps she was on her way to do 
 so, but she might have done it at home. A drunken man 
 got in and we prepared for trouble, but he proved to be 
 a friend, for he sat down next to the female, and after 
 giving a few sniffs that apparently sobered him, seized the 
 basket and hove it out of the tram. Uttering a fearsome
 
 816 
 
 yell, the woman dashed after it, and we saw her no more. 
 We endured the drunken man with equanimity after that. 
 
 Another incident happened in connection with my 
 parson brother while visiting us. An honest working man 
 in the filthiest of clothes sat down next to him, and he 
 instinctively edged away. The man glared : "I suppose 
 I'm not good enough to sit alongside the likes of you? " 
 " Not at all, my friend," replied my brother. " It's not 
 you I object to, but your clothes. Suppose I had them 
 on and you had mine, do you think you would like it? " 
 The argument appealed to the H.W.M., and his features 
 relaxed into a grim smile as he rejoined, " Well, come 
 to think of it, Guv 'nor, I carn't say as I should." . It's 
 sometimes great to be a parson! 
 
 I have referred to the many delightful places one had 
 to visit, especially some little known by the public. An 
 example of this ignorance in my case is St. David's 
 Cathedral, in the village of that name, the nearest railway 
 station being Haverfordwest, distant sixteen miles. I 
 believe that, except by the Welsh, it is very little known. 
 As we approached the village a beautiful old cross came 
 in view, and behind it a massive tower, apparently growing 
 out of the ground ; it was the tower of the Cathedral, 
 that stands in a valley on the banks of the little 'river 
 Alan. I went and explored it. The present structure 
 is the fourth in sequence, the first dating from the sixth 
 and the last from the twelfth century. St. David is re- 
 sponsible for the earliest. Outside it is plain ; there is 
 some ornamentation inside, but the general impression 
 is one of bareness. A peculiarity is that the floor slopes 
 downwards from East to West as much as two feet in 
 three hundred, an effect plainly visible. It became rather 
 ruinous, but was taken in hand about the middle of the 
 last century, and a great deal in the way of restoration 
 has been done through the piety of several enthusiasts, but, 
 like the curate's egg, it is bad in parts still. Close by 
 is the Bishop's palace, in ruins ; it must have been a 
 handsome building, and still possesses a fine rose window. 
 
 A lovely drive is from Minehead across Exmoor, 
 through Porlock to Ilfracombe via Lynton. The road 
 for some distance runs along the summit of an inaccessible 
 cliff, and acting on the instructions of the officer with me, 
 I got out at one place and, crawling to the extreme edge, 
 looked down into a crevice into which a sailing ship 
 had been wedged during a furious gale, thereby enabling
 
 COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT 317 
 
 the crew to reach the shore. It was the only spot for 
 miles where it could have occurred. Exmoor made me 
 think of Jan Ridd and Lorna, and I tried to imagine that 
 one of the valleys was that sacred to the Doones, up 
 which the intrepid Jan crept and carried off the girl, 
 as all these heroes do. But I should have liked to have 
 seen the fight between Jan and Carver. 
 
 Then Bideford. My first object was to visit the room 
 in which Kingsley wrote Westward Ho! The ceiling is 
 Elizabethan and very fine. The proprietor told me that 
 he had had many offers for it. Thence on to Hartland 
 Quay, a lonely spot. I spent the night in a little pub 
 built on the rocks, and lay listening to the roar of the 
 breakers until lulled to sleep. They gave me a clean 
 bed, but our dinner was simply a leg of mutton, for which' 
 they charged about the price of the sheep and probably 
 lived on for a week. It was a steep climb to the watch- 
 house on Hartland Point, but it was worth it. The 
 grandeur and solitude of these mighty cliffs, home of the 
 raven, chough and jackdaw, are most appalling. 
 
 One evening toward the close of a fine summer's day 
 (this is all my own) I found myself at New Quay, 
 Cardigan. Not fancying the accommodation, I determined 
 to push on, and engaged a double dogcart and pair to 
 drive me to Aberystwyth, distant twenty-five miles. The 
 horses (and the driver) were fresh and Welsh. We con- 
 versed in a sort of mixed esperanto and dumb -crambo. 
 It was a gorgeous evening, calm' and warm ; a pale moon 
 hung o'erhead in a cloudless sky, in which the stars were 
 twinkling (somehow I seem to have heard this before). 
 The road ran along by the side of the seashore, upon 
 which the waves broke with a gentle rippling murmur (I 
 think that is about all). We passed through Llanlwch- 
 aiarn, Llansaintffraid, Llanrhvstyd and Ffoslas to select 
 a few places at random. I did not attempt to pronounce 
 them, for I wished to return home without a broken 
 jaw. The only place that we passed through that I got 
 home on was Abe ra von, which after the others has quite a 
 simple and poetical sound. We romped through these 
 places regardless of children and dogs, and finally dashed 
 up at the ' Belle Vue ' ( still foreign nomenclature! ). We 
 had done the distance in a little over two hours. I felt 
 like Lady Cicelv in (".arjtn'm Brassbounrf when I got down, 
 "How glorious! But what an escape!" 
 
 Another pleasant tour in Cornwall included Tintagel,
 
 818 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 with capital accommodation at King Arthur's Castle Hotel, 
 within easy distance of the old castle, in which tradition 
 says that the great King was born. It requires a good 
 deal of imagination to believe this and to reconstruct 
 it, for the remains consist of little more than foundations. 
 Of course the hotel boasted a round table, which was 
 supposed to be a replica of King Arthur's. 
 
 From Penzance many delightful spots were included 
 in my rounds the well-known Newlyn and Land's End 
 for example. At the latter place is the Logan Stone, 
 a peculiar freak of Nature. Many years ago a Lieutenant 
 R.N., not content with rocking it, pushed it over. There 
 was a great outcry, and he was made to replace it, which 
 he did with the aid of material lent him by the Admiralty, 
 but not with the same success that Nature had achieved, 
 and I believe it does not rock now. I do know that it 
 was not tested by me, although I ached to give it a 
 shove. 
 
 The Lizard was another centre, and from it all the 
 station could be worked comfortably. If anyone wants 
 to enjoy a fresh Cornish cake, most of these little places 
 with such odd names as Coverack, Porthoustock and Cadg- 
 with can supply the want, and with a glass of unskimmed 
 milk as a top dressing, you have a lunch that even an 
 epicure need not turn up his nose at, The West-Country 
 people are a fine class, but the Welsh did not impress 
 me much ; they are cunning, and are none too clean. 
 With regard to the first characteristic I heard a story that 
 may bear repeating. A Jew died and left orders that 
 each of his three sons was to put a five-pound note in his 
 coffin (the ruling spirit even in death). The eldest and 
 the second obeyed his instructions, but the third took out 
 the two fivers and put in a cheque for 15. Some time 
 after he was studying his passbook and, to his astonish- 
 ment, found that the cheque had been presented and 
 cashed. The undertaker was a Welshman. 
 
 While at Penzance the Boer War was still a subject 
 of controversy ; these people were naturally strong 
 partisans of General Buller. I often overheard heated 
 discussions, and at one of them it was triumphantly closed 
 by the chief disputant saying, " What was Buller [pro- 
 nounced as if 'Bull' rhymed with 'Gull'] to du? He 
 had no harses! " That clinched the matter ; there was 
 nothing more to be said, for of course a General could not 
 win a battle without horses.
 
 COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT 319 
 
 Lastly there was Falmouth, with its extraordinary 
 number of curio shops. Did they stock them from 1 the 
 Homeward Bounders that called here in happier days? 
 Here we had the most modern and up-to-date station in 
 the whole district. Whatever the faults of the Admiralty 
 (and, like the War Office, they get more, kicks than half- 
 pence), when it comes to building they do it well. I 
 generally went on to Plymouth from here, where one 
 inhaled the familiar atmosphere of a naval port, could 
 feel that you still belonged to the Navy, and might meet 
 old friends at any moment, perhaps just home from the 
 uttermost parts of the world. 
 
 On July 19, 1904, King Edward came to Liverpool 
 to lay the foundation stone of the Cathedral. I was told 
 off to attend at the railway station, and Harry Stanhope 
 accompanied me. We found Lord Derby waiting to do 
 the honours, and he presented us to His Majesty when 
 he alighted. The King shook hands, said a few words, 
 and we went off to the Town Hall, where he was received 
 by the Lord Mayor, who entertained us at lunch. Lunch 
 over, we drove in procession to the site, and after a 
 religious ceremony the King laid the stone, truly and well. 
 A select crowd of fortunate people were accommodated 
 with seats on platforms and a denser crowd of less 
 fortunate people lined the streets, and the King got an 
 immense reception. He was embarking in the Royal Yacht 
 at the conclusion of the function, and we had to leave 
 before it was quite finished in order to attend at the 
 dock. It struck me that the King looked very fatigued ; 
 he had had a tiring day in the full dress of an Admiral 
 of the Fleet. He strolled on board, disappeared below, 
 and reappeared in undress, and a good fat cigar in his 
 mouth ; he appeared to be quite recovered. Some years 
 before I had the honour of dining with His Majesty, then 
 Prince of Wales, at the R.N. Club, Portsmouth. He 
 came with Prince Loute of Batteniberg and Admiral Sir 
 Harry Keppel. One of the members, C. G. Granville, 
 a Sub, had just won notoriety (and a bet) by entering a 
 cage of performing lions and remaining in it for ten 
 minutes. The Prince told Battenberg to present him, and 
 I overheard him say to Granville, " So you have been 
 emulating Daniel." H.R.H. made a very happy speech 
 on the Navy. Sir Harry Keppel had long retired from 
 the Service, but often came to the club for a rubber of 
 whist, and many I've had with him, but his luck was
 
 320 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 very bad ; he always seemed to lose money, but not his 
 temper. 
 
 During my service at Liverpool we were visited by 
 Baden -Powell and Scott of Antarctic fame. I had not 
 seen the former since the Serapis days. He was as cheery 
 and humorous as ever. The Boys' Scout movement is the 
 finest thing for boys ever conceived. I wish it could be 
 made compulsory. Scott was a great loss to the Service, 
 and our country and he and his companions, especially 
 Gates, set a noble example of devotion to duty. 
 
 Liverpool was a most impressive place. I had not 
 lived in such a representative commercial city before, and 
 the reflection that it was only one of the many in the 
 Empire made one realize what Empire really stood for. To 
 me the interest was the commerce and the docks. The 
 great landing stage on a fine day was a popular resort ; 
 there always seemed to be a liner coming in or going 
 out, and a constant stream of shipping passing up and 
 down the Mersey. As for the docks, it is not necessary 
 to say more than that there were seven continuous miles of 
 them, covering an area of 1,614 acres. Robert Glad- 
 stone was Chairman of the Mersey Docks and Harbour 
 Board, and no man was more highly esteemed. We 
 frequently enjoyed his hospitality at Woolton Vale, where 
 Miss Gladstone acted as hostess. But Liverpool abounds 
 in hospitable people, and it would be impossible for me 
 to mention more of them, it would require a separate 
 chapter. 
 
 The ancient city of Chester was within easy reach, 
 and we made many excursions to it. It was like another 
 country, and generated a sort of mediaeval atmosphere, as 
 indeed all walled cities do. There are some old timbered 
 houses that date from the sixteenth and seventeenth cen- 
 turies still remaining. During any rambles round Liverpool 
 I came across a memorial tablet at Hale, a neighbouring 
 village ; it was dedicated to " John Middleton. Childe 
 of Hale. Borne 1578. Dyde 1623. 9 foot tall." This 
 giant is referred to by Dr. Plott in his Natural History of 
 Staffordshire. He credits him as being 9 feet 3 inches in 
 height, and a hand 17 inches long and 8| broad. So 
 you cannot put this down to a sailor's yarn. 
 
 Of course I went to see the Grand National. Racing 
 always had great attraction for me, still greater if it were 
 not for its accompaniments. The olla podrida of a race- 
 course is not elevating, and the old saying that backing
 
 COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT 321 
 
 horses is a mug's game is a true one, else how do the 
 Bookies live? Certainly at most race meetings humanity 
 is not seen at its best. I quite believe that the horses 
 enjoy racing too, and one of the most engrossing features 
 of the Grand National was to see the riderless horses 
 finishing on their own. But what a gruelling course it isl 
 
 I was not much captivated by the Waterloo Cup. 
 At Sheerness the hares had a sporting chance, for at 
 intervals refuges, termed ' thurrocks,' were provided, and 
 the hares seemed quite aware of this, doubling and working 
 most cleverly toward them. Once when we halted for 
 a moment, at my feet I spotted a crouching hare. Did 
 I kick him up and call out, "See, Ho! "? I did not, 
 and after we had moved on I looked back and saw him 
 still ' lying perdu,' and could have sworn he had a grateful 
 twinkle in his eye. 
 
 Perhaps my readers wonder why I don't mention golf, 
 with Hoylake so close. I never got the complaint badly, 
 although I played for some years. One must keep fit ; 
 bicycling, boating and Sandow did it for me. Now I 
 walk and do bathroom exercises, and achieve the same 
 result. I am not intolerant, and can listen patiently to 
 enthusiasts and their golf jargon, but I prefer a gramo- 
 phone. The year 1905 dawned, and my service was 
 drawing to an end. One of my last functions was to 
 preside at the annual dinner of the R.N.R. officers. In 
 my speech, after eulogizing the Royal Naval Reserve, 
 which they received with becoming gravity and in modest 
 silence, I thought it time to wake them up a bit, and 
 commenced to talk about the ' Brotherhood of the Sea ' 
 and the perils of the profession. I said that I agreed 
 with the Psalmist that " They who go down to the sea in 
 ships see the wonders of the Lord." This was received 
 with great solemnity ; probably most of them were be- 
 ginning to think that I had mistaken my profession. 
 When it had had time to sink in I went on to say that 
 I would add a tag, namely, that " They who go down to 
 the sea in small ships smell hell." Laughter, and all 
 was well. 
 
 One more inspection of the Tenby District and my 
 work was done. Tenby had a peculiar fascination for me. 
 As a boy I had made my first trip from home to the village 
 of Gumfreston, close by it. I stayed with a sporting 
 parson, and he gave me my first lessons in shooting and 
 fishing. Who forgets his first trip with such added 
 
 21
 
 322 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 delights? And, moreover, the railway stopped at Pem- 
 broke, and we drove in a real coach and four, and I sat 
 on the box next to the driver. 
 
 My work was done, and the Service had done with me. 
 On May i, 1905, I was automatically retired, and started 
 to become a shellback. I handed over to my successor, 
 and we went off to London. 
 
 Three months after my retirement I became a Rear- 
 Admiral, and on April 30, 1910, a Vice-Admiral. For 
 the first few months I felt like the boatswain who, after 
 retirement, hired a boy to call him every morning at 
 six to tell him that the Commander wanted him. The 
 boatswain's reply was to shy a boot at his head, and to 
 tell him to inform the Commander that he might go to 
 Hell, after which he went to sleep again^. It gives a 
 sort of feeling of independence to realize that you are no 
 longer under orders, but it wears off, and you begin to 
 have a feeling of regret that you are no longer part of 
 a great machine which continues to function as if you had 
 never existed. 
 
 My first relaxation was to go afloat again at the 
 invitation of Greville Earle, one of my Liverpool friends. 
 I accompanied him in a punt from Oxford to Windsor, 
 a rattling good trip. We spent the nights at well-known 
 river pubs, that, if not exactly rivalling the ' Carlton ' or 
 4 Ritz,' are not temperance hotels, as the sound of revelry 
 by night testified. The river now suffers from steam 
 launches and motor-boats, and has got rowdy in parts. 
 Then came the question where to settle. My retirement 
 had caused a big drop in income. We began the game 
 of house-hunting ; visited dozens of houses and got quite 
 expert. At last my wife saw a house in Coley Avenue, 
 Reading, a fine avenue, and it appealed to her. We 
 bought it, a circumstance upon which we congratulated 
 ourselves later, and called it ' The Camber.' It is on the 
 edge of the town, and sufficiently near the country for 
 us to sit and listen to the nightingales. The chief charm 
 was the avenue, but one morning we had only been in 
 it about six months I came down to breakfast and heard 
 the ring of an axe, followed by a crash. I went out, and 
 they had commenced to cut down the trees. In a short 
 time they all vanished and a row of formal limes stood 
 in their place. 
 
 We spent 1905 in London, and remained until March, 
 1906. During that time I had the honour of presiding
 
 COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT 323 
 
 at a Navy Club dinner to celebrate Lord Rodney's victory. 
 In accordance with the privilege extended to the President, 
 I invited Lord Lathom, whom I had known at Liverpool, 
 to be our guest. I proposed the toast of ' Absent 
 Members ' myself, and in my peroration quoted the two 
 last stanzas from Fitzgerald's translation of Omar Kayyam, 
 commencing " Yon rising moon that looks for us again." 
 After we had broke up one of the members said to me, 
 " I say old man, did you write those verses yourself? " 
 I had only breath enough to reply, " I wish I hadl ' It 
 fell to my lot to preside once more in 1913, to celebrate 
 the battle of St. Vincent. Lord Sandhurst, whom I had 
 known as Governor of Bombay Presidency, was the guest. 
 I felt that as an undistinguished officer it was rather a 
 feather in my cap to have taken the chair twice. These 
 dinners took place in the Whitehall Rooms, but are now 
 held in the Hotel Victoria. I was present on July i, 
 1911, when the Club entertained Admiral Togo. Other 
 distinguished men whom' I had the pleasure of meeting as 
 our guests include Lord Kelvin, Sir David Gill, Sir Norman 
 Lockyer, Lord Roberts, Admiral Mahan, U.S.N., and 
 H.R.H. the Duke of Connaught, to mention only a few. 
 The late Duke of Edinburgh occasionally presided, and 
 used to make very good speeches. 
 
 On June 14, 1921, H.R.H. the Prince of Wales was 
 the guest of the Club, and about three hundred members 
 attended. He charmed us all by his manner and the 
 capital speech he made in returning thanks for the toast 
 of his health. Spontaneous humour seemed quite natural 
 to him, and his speech was never laboured. Commander 
 H.R.H. the Duke of York was present as a member, and 
 Admiral Sir Lionel Halsey presided. Before the close 
 of the dinner he announced that the Prince had become 
 a member of the Club. 
 
 Among other dinners that have left pleasant memories 
 on me is an ' Aviation Dinner ' at the Ladies' Lyceum Club 
 in Piccadilly. I sat between Colonel Cody and Miss 
 Trehawke Davies ; the latter was the first woman to go 
 up in an aeroplane. She had a penchant for doing weird 
 things, but a voyage round the Horn in a sailing ship as 
 stewardess, which she told me she had enjoyed, was one 
 of the weirdest. 
 
 Berkshire is a beautiful county, but Reading is a 
 factory town, with many of its disadvantages. We have 
 lived in it so long now that most of our old friends have
 
 324 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 left, but I seem to be on speaking terms with an enormous 
 number of people, irrespective of class, religion or politics. 
 It is better to be liked than disliked by the masses, and 
 if one has a few intimate friends left as well, what more 
 does one want ? 
 
 I am glad to say that I never became a victim to the 
 modern epidemic of ' What shall we do next? ' And 
 in retirement I began to indulge more in cacoethes 
 scribendi. Some of my short stories, written during 
 service, had already been published. My efforts resulted 
 in a volume of short stories published in 1910, under 
 the title of An Admiral's Yprns, a work to which 
 I have previously alluded. The critics were very 
 lenient ; one of them, referring to the poems at the 
 end of the book, remarked, " We presume the Admiral 
 meant them to be described as verses." The criticism 
 that pleased me most was a very appreciative letter from 
 Clark Russell, author of The Wreck of the Grosvenor ; 
 he also sent me a copy of his book The Father of the Sea. 
 One critic referred to my style as ' Breezy.' I do not 
 know how to define that exactly, but it is somehow a 
 fact that sailors even retired Admirals are permitted to 
 express themselves somewhat forcibly and emphatically at 
 times, and are forgiven by an indulgent audience on the 
 score of ' Breeziness.' But is it a monopoly of the sea 
 only? 
 
 About this timd I was urged to join the Navy League, 
 and it resulted in my embarking on the formation of a 
 boys' naval brigade. There was already one in existence 
 at Windsor, where they had established a craft, square- 
 rigged, on two masts. I went over and got some valuable 
 hints from A. J. Somerville, one of the Eton Masters 
 who ran it. I visited the West India Docks, where there 
 were some old barges for sale, and purchased one that 
 was towed to Reading, and with a pensioned Chief Petty 
 Officer and a lad to assist, set to work and rigged her out 
 as a brigantine. It employed us, with the necessary 
 structural alterations, for four strenuous months. On 
 Trafalgar Day, 1909, we had our opening ceremony. It 
 was attended by a large crowd 1 ; I think most of them 
 thought we were going to launch an ironclad. The craft 
 was christened by Lady Rose and named the King Alfred 
 after the heroic King, who was a Berkshire man. The 
 boys were taught seamanship, boating, swimming, boxing, 
 signalling 1 ; we tried to teach them good manners and to
 
 COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT 325 
 
 inculcate self-respect. The craft was moored at the bottom 
 of a field, and the show ran with great success until 
 the Great War broke out. I then had other duties more 
 pressing to attend to. The consequence was that the 
 organization had to be closed in 1916, after seven years' 
 existence, during which we passed 104 boys into the 
 Royal Navy and 46 into the Army and Marines. So 
 ended a work which I look back upon with (I hope 
 excusable) satisfaction as having helped several young 
 fellows to a chance of earning a pension and providing 
 for their old age. I had the assistance of several well- 
 known Reading men, such as Astley Maberly, Commander 
 Millett, General Borrett, Dr. A. Roberts, F. Simonds, 
 Arthur and Leonard Sutton, the last ever foremost when 
 philanthropy is concerned, and whom I am glad to call 
 one of my friends. During the existence of the King 
 Alfred the boys had the honour of being inspected by 
 Princess Victoria of Schleswig-Holstein. 
 
 I managed to find time for a few sideshows, such as 
 the National Service League. Once, when I was in the 
 chair at the Town Hall, during a meeting a man kept 
 interrupting. He said he didn't care what flag he lived 
 under, British or German, to which I replied that " If 
 he had no patriotism would he at least have manners 
 and not interrupt." He did not interfere again, but in 
 the light of following events I am of opinion that he 
 was a German spy. People would not listen to Lord 
 Roberts and other old officers, we all know with what 
 results, for had Great Britain adopted universal service 
 there would have been no world war and millions of 
 the best and finest of young men would be alive now. 
 Thank God there are still many with us who have been 
 spared. I remember, before the war, a General Officer 
 in the club saying to me that " The young men of the 
 present day have more morals and less manners than we 
 had." I thought that he was right, but now I feel in 
 doubt about the morals, especially when I read the 
 divorce cases when I can stand them. Again, not long 
 ago, a lady said in my presence, " The girls of to-day 
 are not so staid as we were." I could not resist the 
 reply, " Isn't that because they have given up wearing 
 corsets? " You will find a hidden jest in it if you try 
 hard. But it is hardly a subject to joke about. 
 
 Then I was invited to stand for the Town Council. 
 I declined, but later accepted an invitation to become
 
 326 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 a member of the Public Library Committee. Our 
 library is worthy of better accommodation than at present 
 allotted to it in the Town Hall. Of all hideous erections, 
 the most hideous. I wonder what possessed the City 
 Fathers of the past to erect such a monstrosity. 
 
 I have been roped in by the local branch of the 
 R.S.P.C.A., the very energetic and capable Secretary, 
 Mrs. Robie Uniacke, assuring me that I need not be 
 more than a figurehead. But I have my doubts, for at 
 the time of writing, the Secretary and I have been served 
 with a writ by the Manager of a music-hall on account 
 of a resolution forwarded by our committee protesting 
 against animals performing on the stage. Can I plead 
 the ' First Offenders Act,' or must I go to prison? 
 
 I also played a part in the game of politics. Just 
 before the General Election of January, 1910, I was asked 
 to give my support to the Conservative candidate, Major 
 Ren ton. I had never taken any part in an election or 
 even voted at one, and was entirely ignorant of the 
 political game. I had to ask my wife what I was. She 
 said Conservative, so the answer was in the affirmative. 
 The result was that I accompanied the prospective 
 candidate on his polling trips and made several speeches. 
 But I believe that these meetings are mostly attended 
 by people desirous of a night out, with fixed opinions 
 and half the time bored to death. When it was all 
 over we were only beaten by the narrow margin of 207, 
 and that by Rufus Isaacs. But I said to myself, like 
 Poe's Raven, ' Nevermore.' Most of the helpers had 
 axes to grind. One of them actually asked me what I 
 expected to get out of it. After I had finished with that 
 gentleman I think he felt sorry that he had spoken. 
 Going round with the candidate every one seemed to 
 think it necessary to shake hands ; even an extremely 
 dirty sweep, in spite of the abjurgations of his cleaner 
 spouse, insisted upon doing so. " Don't you let 'im shake 
 'ands with yer, genelmen," she cried, wiping her hands 
 on her apron in the peculiar manner of her class when 
 they get ready for action. " I don't want to," I replied 
 incautiously, with more truth than discretion. It brought 
 on a rumpus, during which I beat a retreat. 
 
 My first acquaintance with Rufus Isaacs was by going 
 to Foxhill to meet my old friend the Master of Elibank. 
 J. M. Barrie was there too. Just before the election I 
 met Rufus Isaacs in a shop. " We are still friends and
 
 COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT 327 
 
 can shake hands? " he inquired, to which I replied, " Why 
 not? " We chatted for a while and I told him that I 
 was going out to the West Indies. " Well, Admiral," 
 was his remark, " I wish you had gone a little sooner." 
 Lord Reading is a genius and has a winning manner, 
 but I am one of those who think it a mistake to send 
 him to India as Viceroy. Nevertheless we can all unite 
 in wishing him success. 
 
 I had to break my resolution as regards politics when 
 Leslie Wilson, our present member, stood for Reading, 
 but no more speeches, canvassing, thank you. In him 
 we have an able man with a charming personality, who 
 has proved himself a good and courageous soldier. 
 
 In February, 1910, my wife and I went out to 
 Jamaica in the Port Kingston. We called at Bermuda, 
 and visited some of the places so familiar to us in past 
 happy days . 
 
 On arrival at Kingston we went to some old friends 
 of mine near Spanish Town. The house had been badly 
 damaged by the great earthquake, and the walls of the 
 house were severely cracked and holed in places, but if 
 you made up your mind that they were not going to 
 fall on you and it did not come on to rain, all was well. 
 My wife had not been in the West Indies before, and 
 enjoyed all the tropical sights, especially a remarkable 
 exhibition of fire -flies that occurred late at night as we 
 drove along some low -lying land. We passed through 
 a large area where these insects were in such quantities 
 as to give the appearance of a luminous mist. I was 
 also able to introduce her to three varieties of humming 
 birds, those marvellous little creatures which are so 
 fascinating to watch. 
 
 Kingston was in a deplorable state. Rebuilding had 
 been started, and most of the public buildings and banks 
 had been re-erected. At one place you would find all the 
 side of a house gone, the rooms with their faded wall- 
 papers looking like a gigantic doll's house. At another 
 only a heap of bricks and mortar marked the place where 
 a residence had stood ; the negroes' huts were mostly a 
 mass of rubbish. Over two thousand people perished in 
 this disaster and the subsequent fire. It was maintained 
 by the Insurance Companies that the earthquake caused 
 the fire (in which case they were not liable for the 
 result of an act of God). The inhabitants held other- 
 wise. In the end it went against the Companies.
 
 328 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 There was a good deal of looting 1 during that time, 
 the negroes being the principal offenders. An eccentric 
 friend of mine told me that while he was in charge of 
 a fire brigade a negro carrying some plunder passed 
 by, and my friend called upon him to assist in moring 
 the hose. The man refused in offensive terms, where- 
 upon the hose was turned on him' with the unexpected 
 result that his neck was broken. In relating this story 
 
 my friend said, " I was never so glad in my life, 
 
 and the beggar had only left-foot boots after all! ' 
 " What did you do with the body? " I asked. " Threw 
 it into a yard, where it passed for an earthquake stiff." 
 
 We embarked for home, with the Stockleys and their 
 daughter Betty, in the Tortugueiro, one of Elders and 
 Fyffes' steamers. There were only two other passengers, 
 both friends of theirs, and we were a happy little party. 
 The voyage was most remarkable ; the ship was on an 
 even keel the whole way, and a glass of water would have 
 stood on the table all that time without being spilled. 
 
 We arrived at Liverpool and proceeded to Manchester 
 through the canal, putting up at the * Midland,' a most 
 bewildering caravanserai. That was the occasion when 
 I was taken to be the Admiral of the Fleet. 
 
 On May 6, 1910, King Edward died. Not a long 
 reign, but he had time to prove himself a Monarch who 
 had the interests of his people at heart. It seems to me 
 as if Queen Victoria founded a new dynasty ; her grandson 
 has followed in their footsteps. The Royal House is 
 now of Windsor and not of Guelph as it was with them. 
 Would it not be possible to borrow from the Chinese and 
 antedate, commencing the later House with Victoria? 
 
 On June 23, 1911, King George and Queen Mary 
 were crowned ; a procession through the streets of 
 London was part of the ceremony. It passed the U.S. 
 Club, where my wife and I had seats. Not the least 
 enjoyable part of the affair was the number of old friends 
 we met that day. 
 
 On January 26, 1914, I started on another trip with 
 Stockley. We were bound to Colon, via Jamaica, to visit 
 the Panama Canal, our steamer, the Patia, a much 
 larger ship than the previous one. These ' Banana 
 Boats ' are well known. Painted white and of an attrac- 
 tive appearance, they have a good speed and are most 
 comfortable ships, the welfare of the passengers being 
 given every consideration.
 
 COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT 32D 
 
 At Kingston I put up at the Jamaica Club, which 
 was infinitely preferable to the Myrtle Bank, a new, hot and 
 noisy place that had taken the place of Constant Springs 
 then, alas! closed. I remember the old Myrtle Bank 
 in my Tartar days ; it was a ramshackle place then. I 
 went to a dance there and at supper decided that the 
 food had been out in the sun too long, or had taken an 
 epidemic of some sort, for I tried several delicacies and got 
 rid of each mouthful by throwing it under the table very 
 reprehensible I admit. I thought I was unobserved, and 
 got the shock of my life when my partner observed 
 in dulcet tones, " I hope they keep cats here." 
 
 We went on in one of the United States Fruit Ships, 
 the Santa Marta, a very fine ship, in which we reached 
 Colon. 
 
 Colon is a hot place even in February, and it was 
 dry, so we made good on lemon squashes. Our first visit 
 was to the Gatun Dam, a stupendous construction that 
 has caused the formation of a huge lake by damming 
 the River Chagres. The United States knew what they 
 were about when they acquired the canal zone ; without it 
 the region could never have been made healthy. Under 
 Colonel Gorgas' administration it has almost become a 
 health resort. He was away during my visit, but I 
 called on Colonel Goethals, the Chief Administrator, and 
 met a very pleasant man. 
 
 The Culebra Cut was still giving trouble. The 
 American Engineers will compete with it successfully. 
 But what will happen when the inevitable earthquake 
 comes ? 
 
 Panama is an interesting city. The fortifications have 
 been constructed in a most ambitious style, and when 
 the bill was presented to the King of Spain he said that 
 he thought he could see the walls, they must be so 
 prodigious. From Colon we returned to Avonmouth in 
 the Patuca. 
 
 I made another of these delightful trips in 1920. 
 The terrible experiences of the last few years had rather 
 affected me, and I gladly accepted Stockley's invitation 
 to go to Santa Marta. We left early in the year in the 
 Boyano, a fine ship of over 8,000 tons. My friend, with 
 his usual consideration, arranged for me to have a cabin to 
 myself, a great boon to an old man. Our great dis- 
 appointment was that our wives would not risk the chance 
 of mal de mer, but Betty Stockley, who is a universal
 
 330 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 favourite (especially with a certain old Admiral), came 
 with us, bringing a friend, Ruth Grimshaw, and these 
 two had the time of their lives. Dancing, sports, fancy- 
 dress balls and deck games made the time pass most 
 pleasantly for them as it did 1 for the other young women 
 on board. 
 
 I found a great change in Jamaica. The people 
 had become restless, and a peculiarly strange mentality 
 prevailed. The negroes were rather more insolent than 
 usual. I think a great many of them had been to 
 England and had been treated too well ; some of them 
 had actually brought back white wives, poor wretches ! 
 I found some old friends staying at the Manor House 
 beyond Constant Springs '(now shut up) ; these were Com- 
 mander T. C. St. Andrew St. John and his wife, and 
 Mrs. Hire. It was full, but the military authorities lent 
 me a tent ; we pitched it in the garden, and it was 
 delightfully cool at night. Myrtle Bank was a perfect 
 rabbit warren, and was further enlivened by; a Jazz Band 
 of negroes that played syncopated music all the after- 
 noon and evening. 
 
 I embarked in the Coronado with our party again 
 and we arrived at Santa Marta, a place I have already 
 described. The Fruit Company had built a fine wharf 
 and accompanying sheds, had constructed a railway to 
 the banana fields forty miles up-country, and had obtained 
 a concession, turning it into a veritable oasis, with most 
 comfortable bungalows and a fine hospital. The banana 
 fields (only one of many in Central America) embraced 
 40,000 acres. We travelled for about forty miles and 
 then pulled up at a bungalow for lunch. By this time 
 the temperature had risen to 112 degrees in the shade, 
 and in the dining-hall, which was enclosed in minute 
 wire-netting to keep out insects, it felt at times like a 
 blast from the Inferno. We paid a visit to Bolivar's 
 house, the ornaments of which are cheap and tawdry. 
 This also refers in a lesser degree to the statue of the 
 Liberator that stands in the compound. 
 
 On returning to the ship we found them shipping the 
 fruit. The loading was being carried on from truck - 
 loads at six different ports by means of revolving endless 
 belts. The dockers, all Colombians, a sturdy, stalwart 
 race, were most proficient. The bunches were placed 
 on the belt, travelled up to the ship, seized by the men 
 there, and handed over to others to be passed below ;
 
 COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT 331 
 
 the whole show went on with clockwork regularity. The 
 men are of an Indian type and a deep copper colour. 
 Some might be described as handsome, as were their 
 women, especially when they indicated a strain of Spanish 
 blood . The work went on continuously, and the Coronado 
 took 14,000,000 bananas in less than twenty-four hours. 
 The bananas are stowed in a specially prepared hold, 
 where the temperature is carefully maintained at a 
 requisite height. Our return voyage then commenced, 
 and had a most beneficial effect on me. I felt all the 
 better for it. There is nothing like a sniff of the briny. 
 For some time I had been a Nautical Assessor to 
 the House of Lords, and in July, 1914, I was summoned 
 for the final appeal of Olympic v. Hawke. It will be 
 remembered that these vessels collided in the Solent. 
 There is a peculiar charm about these sittings. The 
 stately grandeur of the House begets solemnity, and the 
 officials seem to be imbued with it. You feel removed 
 a vast distance from the commonplace outside world ; 
 indeed, you feel that a jest would be an impropriety. 
 Unconsciously you speak in hushed tones. As you enter 
 the House and pass the vacant thrones and Woolsack, 
 and view the long rows of empty seats, the first thought 
 is of the Royalties and the great men who have occupied 
 them. The House itself is an architectural triumph, and 
 the decorative scheme seems to be perfect. Its silence 
 and serenity is only broken by the muffled sound of the 
 great clock in the neighbouring tower, and its chimes 
 set to " Oh Lord our God, be thou our guide, that by 
 Thy help, no foot may slide." The appeal is always 
 heard at the opposite end to the throne. The Lord 
 Chancellor sits facing the gallery, underneath which 
 are the opposing (and imposing!) Counsel and their 
 myrmidons. The Law Lords sit on front benches on 
 each side of the Lord Chancellor ; there are usually four 
 or five of the former. The two Nautical Assessors sit 
 behind the Lord Chancellor. Once I sat down on one 
 of the front benches. A horrified official moved me on, 
 saying, "Do you know you've made yourself a Lord?" 
 I replied that it was as near as I could ever hope to get. 
 The above appeal was heard by Lord Haldane and 
 the Lords Atkinson, Sumner and Shaw. The cases are 
 not interesting to the general public ;, it prefers divorce 
 and crime. Here one hears the ablest lawyers of the 
 day. Most sailors hate lawyers (to be called a sea-
 
 332 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 lawyer is a great insult in the Navy), but I think they 
 are a much maligned lot. A Lieutenant, who had the 
 reputation of being a Sea Lawyer, irritated No. i so 
 much that he unwisely called him a ' Damned Fool.' 
 The S.L. retorted with a more offensive epithet, where- 
 upon No. i had him up before the Captain. " What 
 is this I hear? The First-Lieutenant tells me you called 
 him by a most offensive name. Do you admit it? " 
 The S.L. replied, " I think the First -Lieutenant ought 
 to say what he called me first." The other fell into the 
 trap and said, " I called him a damned fool, Sir." 
 "There you are, Sir," said the S.L, "but I really forget 
 what I called him." People come in during the sitting 
 under the guidance of an official, but they are merely 
 sightseers. No doubt the official explains what is going 
 on, but they soon become bored stiff, for it must be 
 like going into a cinema in the middle of a film ; you 
 can't make head or tail of it. From my post of vantage 
 I could see that the guide was pointing out the celebrities, 
 and I noted that the conclusion was invariably greeted 
 with merriment. It puzzled me, but I think I hit on the 
 solution. I will illustrate it by* a story of a soldier friend 
 who went to Portsmouth to call on a line regiment of 
 no particular prominence. There were three regiments 
 in garrison, the others being a Highland and a Fusilier 
 regiment. He inquired of a boy where the regiment lay. 
 The boy said, "Are they the Kilties?" No." "Are 
 they the 'Airy 'Ats? " Again a negative. " Oh, them 
 common soldiers." The Trinity Brother and I were the 
 common soldiers ! 
 
 Everything has a weak point if you can find it and 
 I believe that the House acts as a powerful soporific, 
 especially after lunch. Whether it is the high-toned 
 atmosphere or whether it is the subdued and deferential 
 pleading I know not, but I had to fight very hard against 
 drowsiness. I consulted one of the Lords as to what 
 would happen if I did go to sleep. (Visions of the Tower 
 scared me.) He said that the great thing was not 
 to be detected. That afternoon I was petrified by an 
 unmistakable snore faint, but a genuine snore ; it came 
 from my adviser. He slept as upright as a trooper 
 on a horse, only the snore gave him away. I hasten to 
 add that this did not occur at the Hawke case. I had 
 better play for safety. 
 
 During one of the sittings we were treated to an
 
 COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT 333 
 
 uncommon spectacle for a layman, namely, the summoning 
 of the Faithful Commons for the King's approval to 
 certain Bills. By the by, are they deserving of the title 
 ' Faithful Commons ' now? Some forty or fifty are 
 avowed rebels ! My colleague and I were stowed away in 
 a snug corner, and presently, in obedience to a summons 
 by Black Rod, a party of the people's representatives 
 arrived headed by the Speaker and the Sergeant -at -Arms. 
 The Lord Chancellor was now seated on the Woolsack, 
 and disposed about him were other fully robed 
 dignitaries. The titles of the Bills were then read by 
 the Clerk of the Crown, and the Clerk of the Parliaments, 
 at the termination of each, cried in a loud voice, " Le 
 Roy le Veu.lt " the old Norman form of approval. In 
 the case of a money Bill the Clerk of the Parliaments 
 said, " Le Roy remercie ses bons sujets et ainsi le Veutt." 
 When all were finished the F.C. were given permission 
 to retreat to their own fastness. What impressed me 
 was that many of the F.C. were so badly dressed ; there 
 were a few notable exceptions, but I felt disappointed 
 with the people's representatives, and was glad that my 
 connection was with another place. Probably now 
 members draw 400 a year (their own valuation) 
 matters have improved. 
 
 On the 3rd of August we were still sitting, but 
 adjourned to the 2oth of October. The war cloud had 
 burst, and the world gone fighting mad. The Court 
 duly met on the above date, and the appeal terminated 
 in favour of the Hawke. She was afterwards lost in the 
 war. Everyone must remember the terrible period we 
 were passing through at the time of that last sitting. 
 While waiting for the Court to assemble a very distin- 
 guished personage asked my opinion on the state of 
 affairs. I said that " Things might have been better 
 if the Liberal Government had not disbanded 30,000 
 infantry and two batteries of Artillery." . At this the 
 V.D.P. left me abruptly. He was a Liberal. 
 
 I was never under any delusion as to the duration 
 of the war. From its commencement I felt convinced 
 it would be a long and bloody affair. My belief that 
 we were going to win never faltered. Although I felt 
 that it would be a terrible experience, I never anticipated 
 that the criminal and bestial mentality of the Germans 
 would develop in the manner it did and add to the 
 profound horrors of war. Now the irony of it all is that
 
 334 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 in spite of the huge indemnity (which has not yet 
 materialized) the German nation seems to be better off 
 than any other, with the exception of the United States. 
 Is it because it recognizes the necessity for hard work 
 instead of short hours, slurred work and strikes? 
 
 At that time I had my only psychical experience. 
 One morning during the first dreadful weeks of anxiety, 
 I distinctly heard a voice that said, " This war will last 
 five years." When people asked my; opinion, I said so. 
 It was not popular, but it came out pretty nearly right. 
 Of course I was regarded as a pessimist at first. My 
 wife has had several psychic experiences, but they are 
 far too private and personal to be mentioned. 
 
 I have studied spiritualism for many years, and if 
 believing that our departed are often with us, and that 
 our future life is a more glorified existence than we 
 experience here is the hall-mark of a spiritualist, I am 
 one. As long ago, as 1880 I met the well-known medium 
 Eglinton and I have sat with Husk and Mrs. Wreidt, 
 the latter for ' direct voice.' I have had experience of 
 private and public clairvoyance, now I do not attend 
 public stances. But I know there are hundreds of 
 mediums in private circles who are never heard of out- 
 side them. I have met many people who have had 
 extraordinary experiences. 
 
 I believe that our future life is graded in spheres, 
 and that all who have lived criminal or degraded 
 existences commence on the lowest, but have a chance 
 of redemption, and that part of the work of those in 
 higher spheres lies in helping them. 
 
 I hope I shall not be misunderstood when I say that 
 a glorified earthly existence would be more preferable 
 to me than the ordinary theological theory of after life. 
 ;We have to look forward to an eternity. Is there any- 
 thing we should like to do eternally? 
 
 I have read 1 a great amount of literature on the above- 
 books by Sir William 1 Barrett, Sir William 1 Crookes, 
 W. J. Crawford, Leon Denys, Sir Conan Doyle, Cammille 
 Flammarion, Professor Geley, Admiral Usborne Moore, 
 Professor Lombroso, Sir Oliver Lodge, F. Myers, Ellis 
 Powell, Baron von Shrenck Notzing and Dr. A. R. 
 Wallace among them: ; so if I err I do so in good 
 company. I have been a regular subscriber to Light 
 for years. I think I am in better case than an individual 
 who upbraided me with believing in such ' Rubbish,' yet
 
 COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT 885 
 
 absolutely refuses to sit down thirteen at table or go 
 under a ladder, who carries an extraordinary -looking 
 object on his motor-car that he calls a ' Mascot,' yet 
 which did not prevent his chauffeur running over and 
 killing a child. i 
 
 Those early days were very exciting, and the United 
 Service Club was crowded during the crisis with members 
 talking over affairs. I formed one of a small group. 
 One man had just returned from Asia Minor. He said 
 the Armenians were being massacred wholesale, not by 
 the Turks but by the Kurds, upon which I remarked, 
 " All Kurds must have a way, but theirs seems to be a 
 particularly bad one." I believe these ruffians to be the 
 most bloodthirsty crowd in existence. 
 
 It is not my intention to write about the war, but 
 I propose to deal with Red Cross work in the County 
 of Berks, with which, as County Director, I was kept 
 fully occupied. A County Director is the Executive Head 
 of the Branch and the direct channel of communication 
 with Headquarters in London and the Military Command. 
 
 In February, 1913, I was invited by Mrs. Benyon, 
 the wife of the Lord Lieutenant, to take the above post. 
 Colonel Sir Donald Robertson, who had hitherto held it 
 and who had done a lot of spade work, had gone to live 
 in London, and resigned. I was occupied with the King' 
 Alfred, but accepted. I had had the pleasure of being 
 associated with Mrs. Benyon in some public work, and 
 had been impressed by her ability and organizing 
 qualities. She had been the chief agent in forming the 
 Branch, arid her death, that occurred on March 28, 1919, 
 deeply affected all who knew her. 
 
 I found 27 detachments, with a total personnel of 
 767, and I at once got to work inspecting them. These 
 inspections were arranged with the Southern Command, 
 which supplied a medical officer. Part of my duty was 
 to raise fresh detachments, and we reached a maximum 
 during the war of 34, with a total personnel of 1,461. 
 
 On July 1 8, 1914, the Lord -Lieutenant held a review 
 of Reserve men of Berks ; they mustered three battalions, 
 and in response to his invitation the Red Cross supplied 
 another, which I commanded ; it was a unique experience. 
 I marched at the head of 356 nurses and 217 orderlies. 
 They were most enthusiastically received by the crowd. 
 
 Our First Aid and Nursing Classes were largely 
 attended, and at one of these classes a candidate, during
 
 336 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 the viva voce, was asked to explain the functions of the 
 stomach. She thought furiously for a few seconds and 
 then replied, ' To keep the petticoat up." 
 
 At the outbreak of war we opened the first hospital 
 at Didcot on the i/th of August, and others in quick 
 succession. At the conclusion of the war we had 
 organized twenty -seven hospitals. The most interesting 
 opening ceremony (from my point of view) was at Ascot 
 on October ist, in the Grand Stand. The late Field - 
 Marshal Lord Roberts was present, much to our gratifica- 
 tion. Both his daughters were members. I believe that 
 this was the last public function performed in England 
 by Lord Roberts ; he seemed in good spirits, and treated 
 everyone with his usual pleasant and 1 courteous manner. 
 
 In my office .1 used to be besieged by aspirants for 
 Red Cross work. I enlisted the services of Miss Amy 
 Waltham, a member >of a local detachment, as Secretary 
 and she now holds the post of Assistant County Director. 
 Other volunteers came, and; at one time four werei working 
 with me. By the time the Armistice was declared Berks 
 had supplied 4 1 5 nurses for service abroad, all of 
 whom had been selected by me from volunteers. 
 
 Most of the above hospitals were in private houses, 
 a few in public buildings, and these provided 1,188 beds 
 and treated 24,936 patients. 
 
 There is a sort of parrot cry that during the war 
 the women were 'wonderful.' I prefer to say 'amazing.' 
 These women had never been engaged in hospital work 
 before, and seemed to have acquired a higher mentality 
 and sense of responsibility. No trouble daunted them. 
 I have seen girls who in peace-time would have been 
 golfing, lawn tennising, dancing, dining and flirting, 
 employed in scrubbing floors and washing dishes, without 
 seeming to think it uncommon. I am sure that the 
 conduct of the V.A.D.'s earned the affectionate gratitude 
 of hundreds of thousands of patients who carried into 
 private life an undying memory of the Red Cross Nurses 
 who so devotedly nursed them. 
 
 One of the first ceremonies on opening a hospital 
 was to distribute brassards in accordance with Army 
 Instructions. It was never quite clear why they were 
 necessary, but back of the official mind 1 was the fear of 
 invasion. I never shared' that fear, neither did I see any 
 reason for maintaining a large force on the East Coast. 
 With the distribution, the unfortunate County Director
 
 COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT 387 
 
 was compelled by Army Form 337 to ask some 
 extremely personal questions. These included some 
 queries that no mere man would have dared to put to a 
 woman unless sheltered by AUTHORITY. All such inquiries 
 were conducted by me as privately as possible, especially 
 with regard to ' Scars of Identification.' Once when I 
 put this question I received a whispered reply, " I have 
 been operated upon for Appendicitis." Although expected 
 to identify all marks and scars, I hasten to add that I 
 did not see this one. 
 
 The men's detachments shared in the good work. 
 Ours in Reading performed all the convoy work, attend- 
 ing 484 and moving 31,474 patients. Of course no 
 member of it was fit or eligible for service in war, but 
 it passed 150 men into the Army. These men and women 
 were voluntary and unpaid workers, and had to provide 
 their own uniforms. I believe that ours was the only 
 organization coming undier the above conditions. 
 
 As stated, we sustained the loss by death of our Lady 
 President during the war, but not until her valuable 
 services had been recognized by the bestowal of a G.B.E. 
 I had also to deplore the loss from 1 the same cause of 
 a good friend and colleague in C. J. Haviland, the 
 Honorary Treasurer, whose work was taken up by 
 C. E. L. Freeling. His cordial co-operation enabled 
 me to carry on without a jolt of any sort. Indeed, one 
 might say the same of all the members of our committee. 
 We are now affiliated with the Territorial Army, the 
 Secretary of which for Berks, Major M. L. Porter, is 
 on our committeje and' a very good friend. In April, 
 1919, H.R.H. Princess Christian consented to become 
 our Lady President. Everyone who has been brought 
 into, contact with H.R.H. will agree with me that no 
 one could be more kind, considerate and gracious than 
 she is. In June, 1918, I was gazetted a Companion of 
 the British Empire Order. It really reflected more credit 
 upon the members of the Branch than upon myself, for 
 it was the, unflinching loyalty and devotion to duty of 
 all ranks that had enabled me to carry on and attain 
 any success. The King presented me with the Order 
 at Buckingham Palace in October, 1918. 
 
 After the Armistice the Berks Branch' B.R.C.S. held 
 a memorial rally in the Town Hall. At this I was 
 presented with a gold cigarette case, an illuminated vellum 
 book with 850 names of subscribers and a cheque that 
 
 22
 
 338 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 helped me to purchase a pianola. .What I had done to 
 deserve such an avalanche of gifts is still a mystery to 
 me. 1 could 'hardly thank all these kind people 
 adequately. 1 shall not desert them as long as 1 can 
 stick it. 
 
 Seven weeks after the Armistice, Headquarters 
 B.R.C.S. sent out six County Directors to the battle- 
 fields of France, and selected me to be one. They were 
 all friends of mine, conspicuous among them being 
 J. F. Badeley, of the London Branch, and the Hon. 
 A. H. Holland -Hibbert ; the latter had served in the 
 Navy and the former is one for whom I have a great 
 regard. Under Major Langridge we motored 850 miles, 
 visiting all the places of most interest. It is not necessary 
 for me to describe them ; the utter desolation and horror 
 of the entire region that we passed through is too terrible 
 for words. Everything was just as the Allies had left 
 it. The trenches were almost intact and the country 
 strewed with ammunition, barbed wire, wrecked aeroplanes 
 and motors, and the refuse of war. Conspicuous every- 
 where in every conceivable place were graves, some 
 solitary on the side of a trench or in the open, and others 
 massed together with groves of crosses. It brought home 
 the woe this ghastly war has caused. 
 
 Zeebrugge aroused my feelings of pride as a naval 
 officer. Big Bertha, surrounded by craters made by our 
 aeroplane bombs, excited astonishment. Vimy Ridge, 
 with all the surrounding country an obliterated ruin, filled 
 me with admiration of the bravery of our men ; and 
 Arras, Albert and Amiens with disgust for the Huns. 
 The ruined villages and small towns (in most cases a 
 heap of stones) excited utmost pity for the unfortunate 
 inhabitants, and the whole combined gave me feelings 
 of hatred of the Hun. Such is briefly all that I can write 
 of this distressing experience. 
 
 My friends arranged for me to visit the grave of our 
 son. He fell two months before the Armistice ; his body, 
 with a hundred other officers and men, lies in a little 
 Cemetery at Ecoust St. Mein, not far from Moeuvre. 
 Our lad's body lies next to two of his men as he would 
 have wished killed by the same shell. From August 
 22, 1918, to September 29th, B battery, 56th Brigade 
 lost 58 killed and 75 wounded out of a strength of 180. 
 He had commanded the battery for eighteen months. 
 His men erected a cross with the inscription Dulce et
 
 COASTGUARD AND RETIREMENT 339 
 
 decorum est pro patria mori. I have reason to believe 
 that they were devoted to him, and I know that Ke 
 refused a Staff billet, as he would not leave his officers 
 and men. Many of his brother officers have been to see 
 us, and many more have written. Time heals wounds, 
 but it does not fill the vacant chair. With the death of 
 our son my branch of the family becomes extinct, but 
 it is still continued through my cousin, Ernest James, a 
 retired Rear-Admiral. From 1916 to 1918 he served, 
 as a Captain R.N.R., in the Sapphire. He was awarded 
 a C.B.E. and an Italian order. He had already gained 
 some decorations, and the Royal Humane Society's medal 
 for saving life. He married Edythe, a daughter of 
 Senator Macdonald, of British Columbia, and they have 
 one son a Lieutenant in the Royal Navy. 
 
 Sometimes I think, ' What has the death of the flower 
 of our manhood 'done for our country? ' I look around and 
 see no consoling answer. We won the war, that is to 
 say Great Britain is not under the German heel, and 
 that is all we can say. The world is in every way worse 
 off than it was before the war, and I am not the only 
 one who feels this. 
 
 What if these legions of young men are now asking 
 themselves if their sacrifice has been in vain? The only 
 comforting factor is that sincere homage is paid to our 
 dead, and assuredly they are not forgotten by their 
 comrades of all ranks. 
 
 So far it seems as if most countries of the world, in 
 addition to being in a state of unrest, are ready to fly 
 at each other's throats, Europe especially. We see Spain, 
 that kept out of the war, now engaged in a fierce struggle 
 with the Moors. Germany is living in a state of insta- 
 bility, greatly modified by the presence of the Allied Force 
 on its frontier, with a large party scheming to restore a 
 fallen and discredited Emperor, who sits, like a spider in 
 its web, ready for action, instead of having been brought 
 to trial for his acquiescence in brutal crimes. 
 
 The Near East seems to be preparing for more 
 conflict, and stands (like the traditional cowboy, with' 
 hands clawlike over his guns) ready to pull and shoot, 
 meanwhile waiting to see whether Greece or Turkey will 
 come out top-dog. Russia has become the ' Awful 
 Example,' and is horrifying a shuddering world that 
 endeavours to show that it is not yet completely callous 
 to misery. The Bolsheviks have given an object-lesson
 
 840 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 that has even proved too much for men of the same 
 kidney in other countries. As regards the Far East, 
 all those who have any acquaintance with conditions there 
 are in a state of considerable apprehension from day to 
 day as to what may happen. We have had one or two 
 examples as to what befalls the man who deals firmly 
 with sedition and outrage. The League of Nations, that 
 was to have provided an Earthly Millennium, is struggling 
 in its birth, and we do not feel assured that it will survive 
 it. I have more faith in a firm alliance of leading 
 Powers as France, Great Britain, Italy, Japan and the 
 United States. 
 
 Those who have done me the honour of reading my 
 book may agree with me that I have seen some remarkable 
 changes during my life. I will mention a few at random. 
 The establishment of the telegraph (to be ousted by 
 wireless), the completion of the railway system (to yield 
 to electric transport), supersession of manual labour by 
 machinery, the telephone, the gramophone, the cinema- 
 tograph, wireless telephony, the aeroplane, the internal 
 combustion engine, the bicycle, the automobile, the 
 turbine, and the use of oil fuel, that in its turn will be 
 superseded by electricity. On the other hand, we have 
 improved the methods of killing each other. Monster 
 guns, the torpedo, hydroplanes, submarines and vast 
 advances in arms of precision, tanks, poison gas, bombs 
 and high explosives. Where will it end? The former 
 category tends toward civilization and is for our advantage, 
 the latter toward decivilization. Unless we brace up, 
 give up strikes and get to work, as the French', Belgians 
 and Germans have, the fate of Assyria, Egypt, Greece 
 and Rome may be ours. It is not yet too late to choose.
 
 INDEX 
 
 Aberdeen, Lord and Lady, 260 
 Abdul Aziz, Sultan, 140 
 Alderson, Lieutenant W. J. S., 
 
 232, 260 
 
 Alexander, Grand Duke, 237 
 Alexandra, Queen, 303 
 Alford, Sir Edward 312 
 Arbuthnot, Captain Sir R., Bart., 
 
 307 
 Atkinson, Lord, 331 
 
 Back, Lieutenant Eric, P.C., 271, 
 
 278 
 
 Badeley, J. F., 338 
 Baden-Powell, General Sir R., 165, 
 
 320 
 
 Baker Pasha, 143 
 Battenberg, Admiral Prince Louis 
 
 of, 319 
 Bayly, Commander C. H., 230 
 
 237, 240 
 
 Beatty, Captain David, 305 
 Benyon, Dame Edith, 235 
 Beresford, Admiral Lord Charles, 
 
 *57 
 
 Brackenbury, Captain J. W., 262 
 Brown, Lieutenant P. G., 278 
 Browne, Commander W. H., 232 
 Burgoyne, V.C., Captain H. T., 73, 
 
 95 
 
 Burney, Admiral of the Fleet, Sir 
 Cecil, Bart., 305 
 
 Callow, Deemster Charles, 313 
 Campbell, Professor, of Lick, 274 
 Carr, Captain H. J., 257 
 Chauncey Depew, 240 
 Chesham, Lord, 314 
 Childers, First Lord, 90 
 Christian, H.R.H. Princess, 337 
 Cleveland, President Grover and 
 
 Mrs., 239 
 Cochrane, Lieutenant H. L., 298 
 
 Cody, Colonel, 323 
 Commerell.V.C., Admiral Sir John, 
 
 92, 135 
 Connaught, H.R.H. Duke of, 118, 
 
 299, 323 
 Cooper- Key, Lieutenant E. M. K., 
 
 225, 242, 254, 262 
 Corbett, Lieutenant Cyril, 278 
 Courage, Lieutenant A., 278 
 Curzon, Viscount, 280 
 Curzon-Howe, Captain the Hon. 
 
 A. G., 264 
 
 Derby, Earl of, 230 
 
 Dewey, Commander G., U.S.N., 
 
 167 
 
 Dilke, Sir Charles, Bart., 315 
 Donien-Smith, T. A., 314 
 Douglas, Captain A. L., 162 
 Drummond, Admiral E. C., 268 
 Dudley, Earl of, 305 
 
 Eardley-Wilmot, Rear- Admiral A., 
 
 9i 
 
 Earle, Arthur, 308 
 Edinburgh, Duke of, 1 19, 323 
 Edward VII, King, 261, 296, 303, 
 
 319, 328 
 Elibank, Master of, 246, 252, 255, 
 
 326 
 
 Farragut, Admiral D. G., U.S. 
 
 Navy, 93 
 Fisher, Admiral of the Fleet, Lord, 
 
 286 
 Fisher, Admiral Sir F. W., in, 
 
 306 
 
 Fleet, Rear- Admiral E. J., 339 
 Foot, Lieutenant Cunningham 
 
 R. de C., 271 
 Freeling, C. E. L., 337 
 Fullerton, Lieutenant J. R., 90 
 Fullerton, Commander T., 195 
 
 341
 
 342 
 
 MY LIFE, AND A FEW YARNS 
 
 Gamble, Captain Douglas, 305 
 Gatacre, General, 227 
 George V, King, 328 
 George, King of Greece, 147 
 Gervais, Admiral, French Navy, 
 
 216 
 Gherardi, Admiral, U.S.N., 238, 
 
 244 
 
 Gill, Sir David, 323 
 Gladstone, R., 320 
 Goodrich, Captain J. E. C., 305 
 Graham, General Sir G., 169 
 Granville, C. G., 319 
 Gray, H., 282 
 
 Gresley, Captain R. N., 306 
 Greet, Captain W., 282, 305 
 Grenfell, Commander H. T., 152 
 Griffiths, Sir Brandford, 177 
 Grossmith, George, 241 
 Grubbe, Admiral Sir W. Hunt, 
 
 151, 190, 266 
 
 Haldane, Viscount, 331 
 Halsey, Admiral Sir Lionel, 323 
 Hamilton, Admiral Sir Vesey, 
 
 159 
 
 Hart, V.C., Colonel Sir R., 162 
 Hart-Dyke, Captain H. H., 299 
 Hay, Sir James, 225 
 Haynes-Smith, Sir W., 246 
 Heap, Consul-General, U.S.A., 142 
 Hely-Hutchinson, The Hon. Sir 
 
 W., 227 
 
 Heneage, Captain A. W., 313 
 Heneage, Admiral Sir A. F., 157, 
 
 219 
 
 Hewitt, Consul 180 
 Hext, Rear-Admiral Sir John, 267 
 Hobart Pasha, the Hon., 139 
 Hole, Dean, 263 
 Holland-Hibbert, the Hon. A. H., 
 
 338 
 Hopkins, Admiral Sir J. O., 224, 
 
 261, 267 
 Hornby, Admiral Sir G. Phipps, 
 
 133, 151 
 Hyppolyte, President, 220 
 
 Isaacs, Sir Rufus, M.P., 326 
 Johnson, Sir H. H., 183 
 
 Kelburne, Lieutenant Viscount, 
 
 298 
 Kelvin, Lord, 323 
 
 Keppel, Admiral Hon. Sir Harry, 
 
 319 
 Kitchener, H. H., 150 
 
 Lake, Admiral Atwell, 287 
 Lathom, Earl of, 323 
 Layard, Sir Henry, 138 
 Lockyer, Sir Norman, 323 
 Longfellow, H. W., 93 
 Louise, H.R.H. Princess, 312 
 
 Maberley, C. J. Astley, 325 
 Macalister, Lieutenant N. G., 255 
 Mahan, Captain A. T., U.S.N., 
 
 207, 323 
 Makaroff, Commander, Russian 
 
 Navy, 144 
 
 Mary, H.R.H. Queen, 328 
 Moloney, Sir Alfred, 235 
 Molyneux, Commander W. H. M., 
 
 104, 154 
 
 Motley, M. J., 225, 243, 263 
 Moubray, Lieutenant E. H., 215, 
 
 232, 263, 292, 301 
 
 Napier, Lieutenant Hon. Basil, 117 
 Nazli Hanoum, Princess, 142 
 Neeld, Rear-Admiral R. R., 132 
 Noel, Admiral Sir Gerard, 287 
 
 Oldenburg, Prince, 138 
 Osman Pasha, 136 
 
 Peabody, George, 91 
 Petre, F. L., 283 
 Pipon, Captain J. H., 294 
 Pipon-Schooles, Sir H., 228 
 Porter, Major M. L., 337 
 Potter, Bishop, 240 
 
 Renton. Major Leslie, 326 
 
 Roberts, Field-Marshal Earl, 323 
 
 Roberts, Dr. A., 325 
 
 Rose, Lady, 324 
 
 Rustem Pasha, 135 
 
 Russell, Colonel Sir Baker, 165 
 
 Sandeman, Lieutenant H., 230, 
 
 251 
 
 Sandhurst, Lord, 281, 323 
 
 Schleswig-Holstein, Princess Vic- 
 toria of, 325 
 
 Scott, Captain R. F., 320 
 
 Seymour, Admiral Sir Beauchamp, 
 153
 
 INDEX 
 
 343 
 
 Seymour, Admiral Sir Michael 
 
 Culme, 213, 216 
 Shaw, Lord, 331 
 Sheridan, General, U.S.A., 94 
 Smith-Dorrien, Rear- Admiral A. 
 
 H., 315 
 
 Somerville, A. J., 324 
 St. John, Sir Spencer, 220, 235 
 Stanhope, Commander the Hon. 
 
 H. A. S., 308, 319 
 Stockley, A. H., 308, 328 
 Sumner, Lord, 331 
 Sutton, Leonard, 325 
 Synge, Captain, 148 
 
 Toole, J. L., 241 
 Trehawke-Davies, Miss, 323 
 Tryon, Admiral Sir George, 117, 
 
 209, 246 
 
 Tweedie, Consul, 220, 257 
 Twiss, Captain Guy O., 161 
 
 Uniacke, Mrs. Robie, 326 
 Victoria, H.M. Queen, 295 
 
 Wales, H.R.H. Edward Prince of, 
 
 323 
 
 Waltham, Miss Amy, 336 
 Watson, Admiral Sir George, 217, 
 
 224 
 Wilhelm, Emperor of Germany, 
 
 207, 209 
 Wilson, V.C., Admiral of the Fleet 
 
 Sir A. K., Bart., 118, 169, 298 
 Wilson, Colonel Leslie, 327 
 Wood, R.N., Archdeacon H. S., 
 
 288 
 
 Woods Pasha, 139 
 Wyatt, Hugh, 310 
 
 York, Commander H.R.H. Duke 
 of, 323
 
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 UNW1N BROTHERS, LIMITED 
 LONDON AND WOKING
 
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