Omnia bona bonis 
 
REEF 
 
 POINT 
 
 GARDENS 
 
 LIBE.ARY 
 
 The Gift of Beatrix Farrand 
 
 to the General Library 
 
 University of Calif ornia,Berkeley 
 
GLEANINGS 
 
 'ax t\)t Curious 
 
 PROM THB 
 
 HARVEST-FIELDS OF LITERATURE 
 
 A MELANGE OF EXCERPT A, 
 
 COLLATED BT 
 
 C. C. BOMBAUGH, A.M., M.D. 
 
 " So she gleaned in the field until even, and beat out that she had gleaned : 
 and it was about an ephah of barley.''' —Ruth ii. 17. 
 
 " I fiave here made a nosegay of culled flowers, and have brought nothing of 
 my own but the string that ties them." — Montaigne. 
 
 LONDON : 
 
 SAMPSON LOW, MARSTON, LOW, AND SEAHLK. 
 Crown Buildings, 188, Fleet Street. 
 
 1875. 
 All rights reserved. 
 
AfteftfrECTURE 
 
 idd t* Lib. 
 Farrand MFC 
 
*''■■/■. I.' I > I; K'!: V,r;, 
 
 rota mm 
 
 IS 15 
 
 otya.YvQL.-' 
 
 $tefatotg. 
 
 I am not ignorant, ne unsure, t&at mang tjere are, 
 before tojose sigjt tfjis 3Soofe sf)all tfntre small grace, 
 an* lease fabour. So liar* a tftmg it ts to tortte or 
 m*ite ang matter, tojatsoeber it tie, tfjat sftoul* fie afcle 
 to sustatne an* afci*e tije bartable judgement, an* to 
 obtaine or totnne tje constant lobe an* allowance of 
 eberg man, especially if it containe in it ang nobeltg or 
 untoonte* strangenesse.— Kaynald's Woman's Book. 
 
 840 
 
|3 /.,S1/yOVY 8f«itWP 
 
 Bid him welcome. This is the motley-minded gentleman. 
 
 As You Like It. 
 
 A fountain set round with a rim of old, mossy stones, and 
 
 paved in its bed with a sort of mosaic work of variously-colored 
 P ebbles - House of Seven Gables. 
 
 A gatherer and a disposer of other men's stuff. 
 
 WOTTON. 
 
 A running banquet that hath much variety, but little of a sort. 
 
 Butler. 
 
 They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the 
 scraps. Love's Labor Lost. 
 
 There's no want of meat, sir; portly and curious viands are 
 prepared to please all kinds of appetites. Massinger. 
 
 A dinner of fragments is said often to be the best dinner. So 
 are there few minds but might furnish some instruction and en- 
 tertainment out of their scraps, their odds and ends of thought. 
 They who cannot weave a uniform web may at least produce a 
 piece of patchwork ; which may be useful and not without a charm 
 of its own. Guesses at Truth. 
 
 It is a regular omnibus ; there is something in it to every- 
 body's taste. Those who like fat can have it ; so can they who 
 like lean; as well as those who prefer sugar, and those who 
 choose pepper. Mysteries op Paris. 
 
 Bead, and fear not thine own understanding : this book will 
 create a clear one in thee ; and when thou hast considered thy 
 purchase, thou wilt call the price of it a charity to thyself. 
 
 Shirley. 
 
 In winter you may reade them ad ignem, by the fireside, and 
 in summer ad umbram, under some shadie tree ; and therewith 
 passe away the tedious howres. Saltonstall. 
 
INTRODUCTION 
 
 An earlier edition of Gleanings having attracted the hearty appro- 
 val of a limited circle of that class of readers who prefer "a running 
 banquet that hath much variety, but little of a sort," the present pub- 
 lisher requested the preparation of an enlargement of the work. In 
 the augmented form in which it is now offered to the public, the con- 
 tents will be found so much more comprehensive and omnifarious 
 that, while it has been nearly doubled in size, it has been more than 
 doubled in literary value. 
 
 Miscellanea of the omnium-gatherum sort appear to be as accep- 
 table to-day as they undoubtedly were in the youthful period of our 
 literature, though for an opposite reason. When books were scarce, 
 and costly, and inaccessible, anxious readers found in "scripscrap- 
 ologia" multifarious sources of instruction; now that books are like 
 the stars for multitude, the reader who is appalled by their endless 
 succession and variety is fain to receive with thankfulness the cream 
 that is skimmed and the grain that is sifted by patient hands for 
 his use. Our ancestors were regaled with such olla-podrida as " The 
 Galimaufry : a Kickshaw [Fr. quelque chose] Treat which comprehends 
 odd bits and scraps, and odds and ends ;" or " The Wit's Miscellany : 
 odd and uncommon epigrams, facetious drolleries, whimsical mottoes, 
 merry tales, and fables, for the entertainment and diversion of good 
 company." To the present generation is accorded a wider field for 
 excursion, from the Curiosities of Disraeli, and the Commonplaces of 
 Southey, to the less ambitious collections of less learned collaborators. 
 
 " Into a hotch-potch," says Sir Edward Coke, " is commonly put not 
 one thing alone, but one thing with other things together." The 
 present volume is an expedient for grouping together a variety which 
 will be' found in no other compilation. From the nonsense of literary 
 trifling to the highest expression of intellectual force; from the 
 anachronisms of art to the grandest revelations of science; from 
 selections for the child to extracts for the philosopher, it will accom- 
 modate the widest diversity of taste, and furnish entertainment for all 
 ages, sexes, and conditions. As a pastime for the leisure half-hour, at 
 
 1* 5 
 
6 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 home or abroad ; as a companion by the fireside, or the seaside, amid 
 the hum of the city, or in the solitude of rural life ; as a means of re- 
 laxation for the mind jaded by business activities, it may be safely 
 commended to acceptance. 
 
 The aim of this collation is not to be exhaustive, but simply to be 
 well compacted. The restrictive limits of an octavo require the 
 winnowings of selection In place of the bulk of expansion. Gar- 
 gantua, we are told by Rabelais, wrote to his son Pantagruel, 
 commanding him to learn Greek, Latin, Chaldaic, and Arabic; all 
 history, geometry, arithmetic, music, astronomy, natural philosophy, 
 etc., " so that there be not a river in the world thou dost not know 
 the name and nature of all its fishes ; all the fowls of the air ; all the 
 several kinds of shrubs and herbs ; all the metals hid in the bowels of 
 the earth, all gems and precious stones. I would furthermore have 
 thee study the Talmudists and Cabalists, and get a perfect knowledge 
 of man. In brief, I would have thee a bottomless pit of all knowl- 
 edge." While this book does not aspire to such Gargantuan compre- 
 hensiveness, it seeks a higher grade of merit than that which attaches 
 to those who " chronicle small beer," or to him who is merely " a 
 snapper-up of unconsidered trifles." 
 
 Quaint old Burton, in describing the travels of Paulus Emilius, 
 says, " He took great content, exceeding delight in that his voyage, as 
 who doth not that shall attempt the like ? For peregrination charms 
 our senses with such unspeakable and sweet variety, that some count 
 him unhappy that never traveled, a kind of prisoner, and pity his 
 case that from his cradle to his old age beholds the same still ; still, 
 still, the same, the same." It is the purpose of these Gleanings to 
 compass such " sweet variety" by conducting the reader here, through 
 the green lanes of freshened thought, and there, through by-paths 
 neglected and gray with the moss of ages; now, amid cultivated 
 fields, and then, adown untrodden ways; at one time, to rescue from 
 oblivion fugitive thoughts which the world should not "willingly let 
 die," at another, to restore to sunlight gems which have been too long 
 " underkept and down supprest." The compiler asks the tourist to 
 accompany him, because with him, as with Montaigne and Hans 
 Andersen, there is no pleasure without communication, and though 
 all men may find in these Collectanea some things which they will 
 recognize as old acquaintances, yet will they find many more with 
 which they are unfamiliar, and to which their attention has never 
 been awakened. 
 
T&able of (Sontenf^ 
 
 THE literary follies known as Lipogrammata and Pangrammata ; — 
 In the first, a particular letter is dropped; in the second, all the 
 letters of the alphabet are crowded into single verses or sentences ; or, 
 one vowel may be retained, to the exclusion of all the other vowels. — 
 Diversions of alphabetic humor, especially of the aspirate H. — JJni- 
 vocalic Verse. — Alliteration. — Acrostic; artificial arrange- 
 ment of this old-fashioned, yet still popular form of verse ; sometimes 
 doubled in the middle or reversed in the end, as in the telistich ; some- 
 times used to point alliteration or pasquinade ; sometimes constructed 
 in emblematic forms. — Anagram, with its transposition of the letters 
 of a name, so as to frame a new word, caustic, or complimentary, or 
 purely whimsical. — Chronogram, by means of which a date or 
 epoch is expressed in the Roman numeral letters which occur in the 
 course of an inscription, title, or dedication 25 
 
 ^altniromes. 
 
 FEW words in any language spelled backwards the same as for- 
 wards, although every language offers facilities for reversible lines 
 or verses. — Specimens of the palindromic writing of literary triflers. — 
 Sometimes called Sotatic verse, from Sotades, the inventor. — The com- 
 plete reversal of meaning which frequently occurs on the backward read- 
 ing, also called Sidonian verse, such having been first constructed by 
 Sidonius 59 
 
 iEpiboque- 
 
 CROSS-READINGS with their two-fold meaning, a convenient 
 vehicle for the transmission of messages under the disguise of ex- 
 pressions of opposite signification. — Illustrative of this form of mots a 
 
Vlll CONTENTS. 
 
 double entente, are Richelieu's letter of introduction. — Love-letter subter- 
 fuges. — The Jesuit's Creed, as it was formerly called. — Verses adapted 
 to either side in the American Revolutionary war, the English conten- 
 tion between the Stuart party and the Hanover party, the French Rev- 
 olution, and the late sectional war in the United States. — The ingenui- 
 ties of non-committal 64 
 
 Ei)t <&tnto. 
 
 LITERARY Mosaics afford instructive as well as entertaining pas- 
 time. In framing such patch work, so many authors must be 
 consulted that the labor is both pleasing and profitable. The cento de- 
 serves to be assigned a higher rank than that of mere literary confec- 
 tionery 73 
 
 JHacarontc Uzx$t. 
 
 " rTlHE writing of macaronic poetry," says Hallam, (Middle Ages,) 
 JL " is a folly with which every nation has been inoculated in its 
 turn. ,, — The sandwiching or intermingling of one language with an- 
 other said to bear the same relation to literature that opera bouffe does 
 to music. — Dr. Maginn's pleasant expedient of translating alternate 
 lines of a favorite poem, as a sort of burlesque on its stately march. 78 
 
 CHjam Ytx$t. 
 
 FEW good specimens extant of this conceit, in which the last word 
 of every line or verse is used as the first word of the following 
 line. Claimed as a French singularity, but never favorite with the 
 poets 85 
 
 EHYMED ends, to be filled up as agreed upon, at one time a fash- 
 ionable pastime. As an intellectual amusement, worthy of more 
 attention in social life than is accorded to it at the present time. . . 88 
 
 SmWemattc ^fletrj). 
 
 THE fashion of torturing verses into fantastic forms mostly in vogue 
 two centuries ago, when it was a common custom among the wits 
 and scribblers to shape their effusions in the form of hearts, wings, altars, 
 love-knots, and all sorts of grotesques ; the device, of course, adapted 
 to the subject. — Curious piece of antiquity on the crucifixion of our 
 Saviour and the two thieves.— The humors of cypher or typographic 
 symbol writing 92 
 
CONTENTS. IX 
 
 FORCE and impressiveness of monosyllabic words. — Examples 
 from hymnology, from the holy scriptures, from poetry and dra- 
 matic writings. — Short words, instead of producing dullness, may be 
 used to impart " strength, and life, and fire to the verse of those who 
 know how to use them." — Lines on the "power of short words." . 98 
 
 ACCURACY of the historical books of the Old Testament.— 
 Their confirmation by the progressive results of modern explora- 
 tion and discovery. — Testimony as to the wisdom and sublimity of the 
 Bible from Sir William Jones, Rousseau, Wilberforce, Bolingbroke, 
 Daniel Webster, J. Q. Adams, Addison, and others. — The various Eng- 
 lish translations, from WicklirFs, in 1384, to the version of King James 
 in 1611. — Numerical dissection of the Old and New Testaments. —The 
 distinctions particularly observable in the gospels. — Books refecred to 
 in the Bible which have been lost. — The word **, Selah" in the Psalms. — 
 Hexametric rhythm in the sacred writings. — The parallelism of the 
 Hebrew poetry, with illustrations of the artificial structure which aims 
 at a regular and impressive alternation and correspondence of parts. — 
 Parallels between Shakspeare and the Bible, showing how the greatest 
 dramatic poet of all time was largely indebted to the sacred scriptures 
 for many of his illustrations, feelings, and expressions. — Superiority of 
 sacred composition shown in answer to the question, who is the true 
 gentleman ?— Misquotations from the scriptures.— References to the 
 humor which is to be found in the Bible— The form of divination called 
 Bibliomancy, which was abolished centuries ago 103 
 
 Qfyt Name of (ffijrtr, 
 
 THE name of God spelled with four letters in almost every language. 
 —The Hebrew appellations of Deity in the Old Testament, and 
 their distinctive points.— Frequent use of the name of the Divine Being 
 in Shakspeare's works.— The emblematic Sun of theParsee, the Jehovah 
 Adonai of the Israelite, the Father of the Christian 127 
 
 $. ». £. 
 
 THE initial letters of Jesus Hominum Salvator, designed by St. Ber- 
 nardine; first used in 1347, over the principal entrance of Santa 
 Croce, in Florence. — The Flower of Jesse — verses in homely phrase thai 
 were popular three and a half centuries ago. — Legend of the fair-haired 
 
X CONTENTS. 
 
 boy of twelve who astonished the doctors in the court of the Temple. — 
 Eastern fable to show that the compassionate Jesus could find something 
 to pity and approve even in a dead dog. — Personal appearance of the 
 Saviour. — The warrant signed by Pontius Pilate for the crucifixion. — 
 Symbol of the cross known and used in Central America long before the 
 arrival of Cortez 130 
 
 THE two divisions of the prayer, — one relating to the glory of God, 
 the other to the wants of man, especially man's need of spiritual 
 blessings in preference to temporal good. — The admirable and compre- 
 hensive spirit of the prayer. — Gothic version of the fourth century. — 
 Metrical versions and paraphrases, in which the several parts, the invo- 
 cations, the petitions and the conclusion or doxology, are carefully pre- 
 served. — Scriptural illustrations. — Acrostical and Echo paraphrases. 136 
 
 3Ecclmasttca^ 
 
 MINISTERIAL civility and servility in the reign of Charles II.— 
 Laconic sermons on the texts, " He that giveth to the poor 
 lendeth to the Lord," and " Man is born to trouble." — Dodd's extem- 
 pore sermon on "Malt." — Oratorical style of Bascom, the Kentucky 
 preacher. — Psalm cxiv. in the Wiltshire dialect. — Absurd fashions pre- 
 vailing among the preachers of Cromwell's time; — "Ornaments" of 
 speech which to-day would provoke contemptuous laughter. — Origin 
 of texts traceable, according to the book of Nehemiah, to Ezra. — Ridicu- 
 lous blunders of ignorant clergymen. — Stealing a sermon and its detec- 
 tion. — Whitefield's dramatic power in the pulpit. — John Knox's formula 
 for Protestant excommunication 143 
 
 puritan ^peculiarities. 
 
 SINGULARITIES in the manners and habits of the English non- 
 conformists; one of the most noticeable a fondness for names 
 expressive of favorite qualities or principles. — Similes used in their daily 
 prayers and exhortations. — Forms of punishment inflicted in Massachu- 
 setts for departure from the observances of the sect. — Penalties pre- 
 scribed in Virginia for disregard of church discipline. — Extracts from 
 the Blue Laws of Connecticut showing the nature of their injunctions 
 and prohibitions 1 50 
 
 paronomasia. 
 
 THE philosophy of punning. — The place of the pun in the realm of 
 wit. — Common among the ancients, and still common among 
 
CONTENTS. XI 
 
 Oriental nations. — A pun-gent chapter, with amusing and felicitous 
 illustrations in prose and verse; especially noticeable is the Plaint of 
 the Old Pauper, Book-Larceny, the Vegetable Girl, Epitaph on an Old 
 Horse, and a Grand Scheme of Emigration. — In Theodore Hook's 
 " Perilous Practice of Punning," the humorist is particularly happy in 
 the number and variety of the puns which he has congregated together. 
 Dean Swift's Latin puns, which consist of a jumble of Latin words 
 running into each other; pronounced as English, they make good 
 sense. — Classical puns and mottoes. — Punning mottoes of the English 
 peerage. — Jeux-demots, exhibiting ingenious iteratives, and other 
 playful liberties with words 155 
 
 3Eit8ltei) WLox%$ antr jFnrms of 3Bx#xt8$ion. 
 
 DIFFERENCE between dictionary English and colloquial English; 
 the words used in common speaking less than five thousand in 
 number. — The Latin and Anglo-Saxon elements of the language com- 
 pared. — Sources of the language. — Curiosities of nouns of multitude. — 
 Disraeli's inexcusably rude handling of the mother tongue. — The words 
 ye for the; its; that, etc.— The multiform pronunciation of ough. — The 
 words excise; pontiff; rough. — Words mistakenly accounted as Ameri- 
 canisms. — The misunderstood phrases, " no love lost between them," 
 and " the forlorn hope. "--The word "quiz."— Tennyson's English.— 
 Misapplication of the quotation, f* That mine adversary had written a 
 book." — Odd changes of signification in various other words. — The in- 
 fluence *of names upon human action or inaction. — The old use of com- 
 pound epithets, or words-in-one-breath-unutterable, as Ben Johnson 
 called them 1 82 
 
 &all ffigariting. 
 
 THE tenebrosity versus the illuminosity of pomposity in verbosity, as 
 shown in the Domicile erected by John. — In advertising and episto- 
 lary exuberance of language. — In the flashes of a mad poet— In Foote's 
 funny farrago. — In burlesque of the style of Samuel Johnson. — In eulogy 
 and correspondence. — In the brillant effusions of the Autocrat of the 
 Breakfast-Table. — In the form of a chemical and an anatomical valen- 
 tine. — In a lawyer's ode to spring. — And in some of our pristine 
 proverbs re-dressed 212 
 
 Mttxit ^rose. 
 
 OW prose writers sometimes involuntarily slide into rhythmic 
 sure. — Cowper's jocular rhyming letter to his friend Newton. 
 
 H 
 
Xll CONTENTS. 
 
 — Poetic-prose passages from Irving and Disraeli. — Dickens' tendency to 
 lapse into blank verse of irregular metre, as shown in his descriptions of 
 Nelly's funeral, and Niagara. — Involuntary versification in our transla- 
 tion of the Bible. — Amusing instances of unintentional rhyming. . 223 
 
 Cije Rumors of Ytx$iUcation. 
 
 THE story of the lovers in different moods and tenses. — The funny 
 turns that may be given to the defects of stammering, as illustrated 
 by Saxe. — A song dove-tailed by recitative. — Thoughts suggested by 
 cradle rocking. — Whately's elegy on the geologist Buckland. — A reminis- 
 cence of Troy, touching upon vegetarianism. — The poet Bryant in the 
 character of a successful caricaturist. — Acknowledgment of the receipt 
 of a rare pipe. — A lesson in acoustics and the mechanism of the human 
 ear. — Sir Tray ; a very clever burlesque on Tennysonian idyllics — The 
 catalogue of ologies from A to Z. — Variations of musical composition 
 adapted by Punch to poetry. — Reiterations of vocal music, and their 
 unexpected effects upon listeners. — The curse of the harper. O'Kelly. 230 
 
 f^ibratiana. 
 
 A string of Hibernicisms in a letter of an Irish M. P. to a friend. — 
 The Irish propensity to blunder matched elsewhere. — Not only 
 exhibited in ordinary conversation and writing, but in the works of the 
 best authors. — Irish bulls and bulls that are not Irish 252 
 
 Blunders. 
 
 SLIPS of the press ; illustrations of typographic error. — Mistakes 
 of telegraphic communication. — How novelists sometimes forget- 
 fully make statements in one chapter irreconcilable with statements in 
 a succeeding chapter. — Mistakes of ignorance and illiteracy. — Blunders 
 made by translators 259 
 
 jWiaqiurtatums. 
 
 THE mistakes in quotation frequently made by writers. — Volumi- 
 nous authors particularly noticeable for errors of this sort — Nagler 
 on Cruikshank. — Byron misquoting Southey 266 
 
 jfaimcations, 
 
 HUARTE'S description of the Saviour's person. — Clever hoax 
 on Walter Scott. — The famous Moon Hoax. — Fun at the ex- 
 pense of the American devotees of Carlyle. — Mrs. Heman's capital 
 " Forgeries."— Sheridan's improvised Greek. — Spurious ballads. — Frank- 
 
CONTENTS. X1U 
 
 Hn's Parable pretendedly quoted from the Book of Genesis. — Ireland's 
 Shakspeare Forgeries 269 
 
 Sntemtptrtr Sentences. 
 
 THE amusing effects sometimes resulting from momentarily inter 
 rupted sentences in dialogue, or from concluding a sentence upon 
 the following page of a letter. — The old illustration of the silly and 
 trivial causes which sometimes lead to long and exhausting wars. — The 
 favorite joke, " to lie — under a mistake." — Amusing interruption in the 
 British House of Commons. . 277 
 
 3Erijo Vzx$z. 
 
 EEMARKS upon this favorite old conceit. — Introduction into a 
 juvenile address to Queen Elizabeth. — London before the Resto- 
 ration. — A song of Addison. — A Netherland pasquinade. — Echo show- 
 ing the true teachings of the " Gospel plan." — Echo answering the 
 lover. — Dean Swift's verses on woman. — Napoleon's interview with 
 echo, which cost a Nuremburg publisher his life. — Echo answerings. — 
 Mention of the localities of the most remarkable echoes known — Extra- 
 ordinary instances of prolonged transmission of soir.id 281 
 
 THE utility as well as the entertainment of puzzles ; their solution 
 exercise for the mind as gymnastics are for the body. — Fondness 
 of the French for this species of amusement. — Key to the cipher used 
 by Bonaparte in confidential correspondence. — A case for the lawyers. 
 — Riddles of Newton, Cowper and Canning. — The prize enigma. — 
 Quincy's comparison. — Singular results of intermarriage. — Mysterious 
 number of the apocalyptic beast in Rev. ch. xiii. — Galileo's logograph 
 on the rings of Saturn. — Persian riddles — Punch's Chinese. — Ben 
 Johnson's ridicule of the rebus in The Alchemist. — The "Book of Merry 
 Riddles" referred to by Shakspeare. — Wilberforce's puzzle. — Curiosities 
 of Cipher writing, with illustrations 290 
 
 ~TT7~HY the Germans eat Sauer-Kraut — Why Pennsylvania settled. 
 V V — Why Huguenots so called. — Why Boston so named. — Sym- 
 bolism of weathercoeks. — Reason for disinheritance with a shilling. — 
 The red hat.— How Queen Bess "banged" the Armada.— Why the 
 quack succeeds. — Genealogical distinctions — Solution of a juggler's 
 mystery 310 
 
XIV CONTENTS. 
 
 THE rhyming calendar. — The Salmonia of Sir Humphrey Davy.— • 
 Weather signs from Jenner, the Shepherd's Calendar of 1683, and 
 other sources. — The " evil days in each month," from the Sarum 
 Missal 317 
 
 ©. & an* #. Sb. 
 
 THE Gregorian calendar, a correction of the Julian Calendar. — Not 
 adopted in England until 1752. — Humerous address to the 
 patrons of " Poor Job's Almanac " on the result of the change in the 
 style 3*5 
 
 f&emarta ©erijnica. 
 
 THE names and order of the books of the Old and New Testaments 
 rhymed to facilitate recollection. — Also the plays of Shakspeare, 
 the Sovereigns of England, the Presidents of the United States, the 
 Decalogue, the grammatical parts of speech, and the number of days 
 in each month 327 
 
 ©right of $i)ing* dfamiltar, 
 
 THE reputed origin of the following phrases, customs, uses and 
 usages, ways and means : — Mind your P's and Q's ; All Fools' 
 Day ; cards ; sub rosa ; over the left ; kicking the bucket ; bumper ; 
 dun ; humbug ; pasquinades ; bottled ale ; the potato ; tarring and 
 feathering ; stockings ; the garter ; drinking healths ; feather in one's 
 cap ; the word book; nine tailors make a man ; viz. ; signature of the 
 Cross; the Turkish crescent ; postpaid envelopes ; Old Hundred; La 
 Marseillaise ; Yankee Doodle ; the American Flag ; Brother Jonathan ; 
 Uncle Sam ; the dollar mark ; origin of various inventions and cus- 
 toms ; cock-fighting ; turncoat ; India-rubber ; friction matches ; the 
 flag of England; blue-stocking; skedaddle; foolscap paper. — First 
 things, including notices of the first of the following : — forged bank- 
 notes ; piano-fortes ; doctors ; thanksgiving proclamations ; prayers in 
 Congress ; reporters ; epigrams ; newspapers ; steam printing ; tele- 
 graphic messages , 331 
 
 jHortjing Neto mniret tije g>un. 
 
 STRADA'S description of the loadstone and its power of communi- 
 cating intelligence ; the latter based upon the erroneous idea of 
 the communication to magnetized needles of a homogeneous impulse 
 
CONTENTS. XV 
 
 leading to sympathetic correspondence of motion. — Losmond's alphabet 
 of motions. — Blasco de Guerere's steamboat in 1543. — Solomon de Coste's 
 experiments with steam-powev in 1637. — Jamos Watt's patent in 1769. — 
 John Gregorie's demonstration of the navigability of the air. — Lana's 
 scheme of an air-ship. — The circulation of the blood pointed out by 
 Longinus long before the Christian era. — The employment of anaesthe- 
 tic agents referred to by Herodotus, and numbers of subsequent writers. 
 — The boomerang noticed by Pliny. — Early observations of the attrac- 
 tion of gravitation. — Early invention of rifling. — Table-moving and 
 alphabet-rapping in the fourth century. — Robert Hook's intimations of 
 the value of auscultation. — The stereoscope anticipated. — Predictions of 
 the discovery of America 375 
 
 Srtumpijs jrf Ingenuity 
 
 LEVERRIEll'S discovery of the planet Neptune. — Lescarbeault's 
 discovery of the intra-Mercurial planet Vulcan. — Columbus' lucky 
 use of his calculation of an eclipse of the moon. — Great results from 
 Small beginnings. — Choice of a ruler. — Ballad of King John and the 
 Abbot, showing how the latter was extricated from a serious diffi- 
 culty 395 
 
 Qfyt ^Fancies ot Jfact 
 
 THE anatomical position of Caesar's wounds. — The curiosities of 
 painters' and carpenters' church bills. — Law logic. — Reciprocal 
 conversion of Protestant and Romanist. — Astley's prayer on the eve 
 of battle. — Sunlight view of Melrose Abbey. — Legal dexterity. — Audi- 
 toriums of the last century. — True form of the Cross. — Cases of singu- 
 lar coincidence. — Formative process of the chick in the egg. — An 
 observant Indian snake-tamer. — Alligators increasing their weight by 
 swallowing stones. — Imitative habits of sheep. — Remarkable equestrian 
 performances. — Banks's horse Morocco, referred to in Shakspeare's 
 Love's Labor Lost, I. 2. — Combination lock. — Wonderful rapidity in 
 the manufacture of cloth. — Difference between the value of crude mate- 
 rial and that of wrought material. — Relation of value to quantity. — 
 Amount of gold in the world. — Evidences of the immense wealth of the 
 Romans. — Wine at two millions a bottle. — The tuns of Heidelberg and 
 Koningstein. — Unnatural development of the faculties shortlived. — 
 Black Hole of Calcutta, in which a captured English garrison was 
 asphyxiated. — Finland barometer. — Bitterness of strychnia. Blunders 
 and anachronisms of painters. — Achievements in minute mechanism. — 
 
XVI CONTENTS. 
 
 Ratio of the diameter to the circumference. — Mathematical prodigies. — 
 Instances of wonderful memory. — Delicate compliment. — Calculation 
 of the dimensions of heaven. — Estimate of the cost of Solomon's Temple. 
 — Curiosities of the numbers seven, three, and nine. — Kaleidoscopic ca- 
 pacity. — Size of Noah's ark compared with that of the Great Eastern. — 
 Vast diversity in colors. — Meteoric stones. — Fate of America's discov- 
 erers. — Facts about the Presidents. — The crown of England. — Female 
 army in China. — The Star in the East astronomically considered. — 
 Franklin's costume at the court of Louis XVI. — Instances of remarkable 
 longevity. — Methods and means of recognition in doubtful cases. — An 
 old form of matrimonial vow. — Composition during dreams. — Singular 
 facts about sleep. — Effects of opium and East Indian hemp on the 
 brain. — Effects of imaginative fear. — Facial expression. — A literally 
 broken heart. — Alleged instances of sensation and intelligence after be- 
 heading. — Strange and unaccountable character of many special antip- 
 athies. — A case of constitutional sympathy. — Walking while blindfolded. 
 — Cat's-eye time-keepers. — A relic of modern superstition. — A skull 
 with a tongue of betrayal. — A sentimental highway robber 406 
 
 Singular (Kustoms. 
 
 THE skeleton on the ancient Egyptian banquet table. — The messen- 
 ger bird of the Senecas. — Extreme fondness for beauty in Carazan. 
 — The substratum of the foundations of the temples of the Druids.— 
 Fresh meat in Abyssinia. — Ostiak compliments to slaughtered bears. — 
 Braman method of rhinoplasty. — Catching lions by the tail in South 
 Africa. — The daily avocations of high life in the fifteenth century. — 
 The insertion of hair in waxen seals. — Failure of marriage, after 
 publication of the bands, scorning the church. — Old time matrimonial 
 advertisements 477 
 
 jfacctte, 
 
 HOOD'S amusing titles for a sham library door. — Some of the 
 jests commonly attributed to Hierocles, the Alexandrian humor- 
 ist. — Illustrations of brevity in communication. — The point of a joke 
 presented in different forms. — Old Harry and Old Nick. — The syllogism 
 of Themistocles. — A treacherous friend. — How the Gascons flourish 
 their trumpets. — Charles Mathews's astonishing metamorphosis. — How 
 an Eastern monarch took Seidlitz powders. — A relic of darkness. — 
 Juvenile association of ideas. — Sheridan's hit at Mr. Robinson. — The 
 Russian jester, BalakirefF, and his practical jokes. 482 
 
CONTENTS. XVU 
 
 QR)t dFlasijea of Mepartee, 
 
 CURRAN and Boyle Roche. — Wilkes and the fishwoman. — Cobden 
 reproved. — Napoleon and the Prussian officer. — Making game of a 
 lady. — No pedlar's road to Heaven. — The Quaker and the thinly-clad 
 lady. — Curran at the Greenwich inn. — Theodore Hook's ready wit. — 
 Rochester and Barrow. — Sheridan and the windy M. P. — Walk and 
 conversation. — Onslow's answer to an appeal. — Penn's aversion to 
 smoking. — Expressiveness of letters. — Keppel and the Dey of Algiers. 
 — Thaceray and the beggar-woman. — Dr. Reid. — Scribe and the French 
 millionaire. — Voltaire and Haller. — Bacon and Hogg. — Eldon's judg. 
 ment. — Thackeray handsomely snubbed. — Spurgeon's simile. — Ellen- 
 borough's crushing particularity. ........ \ 495 
 
 2Hje Sbtxm. 
 
 VIRTUES and vices not essentially masculine or feminine; not 
 the quality itself, but the modification of the quality which is 
 masculine or feminine. — Wordsworth's " Character of the Happy War- 
 rior " altered for illustration by the substitution of the word woman for 
 warrior, and by the corresponding change in the pronouns. — Old ballad 
 in praise of women. — Parallel of the sexes. — John Randolph's opinion 
 of female society. — The terms wife — mistress — lady, and a German 
 discrimination between them. — St. Leon's toast to his mother. — Touch- 
 ing letter to a bride 501 
 
 Jttoslem ffl2Btetrom. 
 
 THE just judgment of Ali in the settlement of a dispute. — Ali's ten 
 answers to as many questions as to the relative desirability of 
 wisdom and wealth. — Turkish homicide without felonious intent. — 
 Omar's reason for destroying the library at Alexandria. — The dervise's 
 expedient for the equitable division of property according to the 
 puzzling direction of the testator 508 
 
 3Excerpta from Persian ^oetrg. 
 
 EARTH an illusion. — Heaven an echo of earth. — A moral atmos- 
 phere. — Fortune and worth. — Broken hearts. — The generous man. 
 — Beauty's prerogative. — Proud humility. — Self-neglect. — The impossi- 
 bility. — Sober drunkenness. — A wine-drinker's metaphors. — Couplets 
 from Mirtza Schaffy. — The double plot. — The world's un appreciation 
 of good men. — Satan rebuking the Caliph for slighted prayer, the 
 2 
 
XVill CONTENTS. 
 
 explanation being that he preferred proud mouth-service to the peni- 
 tence that would follow neglect of duty 511 
 
 epigrams, 
 
 MARTIAL on epigrams. — Midas and modern statesmen. — To 
 sleep. — To a writer of tedious epitaphs. — Fool and poet. — Dum 
 vivimus. — To Molly Aston. — To our bed. — Ignorance and arrogance. — 
 late repentance. — Pale and red. — Melting snowflakes. — To Milton. — 
 Butler's monument. — Compliment to Pope. — Athol brose. — Eternity. — 
 Stolen sermons. — To an author. — Frugal Queen. — A thick pericranium. 
 Giving and taking. — Ready-made angel. — A present of a mirror. — To 
 a capricious friend.— Mendax. — On Fell. — An ill-read lawyer. — Wo- 
 man's will. — The duke's nose. — Reciprocity. — Bad songster. — A bad 
 fiddle. — Foot-man vs. toe-man. — Lady Lovejoy. — Hot corn. — Wheat- 
 sheaves for bonnet plumes. — Original sin. — Writing verses. — Prudent 
 simplicity. — To a friend in distress. — Hog vs. bacon. — A warm recep- 
 tion. — Medical advice. — A dentist. — Goodenough. — What might have 
 been. — A reflection. — The woman in the case. — The shear blades. — 
 Dux and Drakes. — Invisibility. — Impersonality. — Affinity. — The crier 
 who could not cry. — Parson and butcher. — The clock. — Masculine 
 attire. — Bow and quiver. — Widows. — Speeches by heart. — Webb and 
 Gould. — Cause and effect. — Same jawbone. — Funny determination. — 
 Marriage a la mode. — Quid pro quo. — Woman, pro and con. — Abund- 
 ance of fools. — The world. — Terminer sans oyer. — Double vision util- 
 ized 515 
 
 Smpromptus, 
 
 DR. Young's felicitous improvise on reluctantly leaving attractive 
 companionship. — Ben Johnson smartly wiping out his score at the 
 Falcon. — Melville's ingenious reply to Elizabeth. — Burns's droll spon- 
 taneous hits. — Warren Hastings on Burke. — Dr. Johnson's definition 
 of a note of admiration, and his extemporaneous rhyming in the old 
 ballad style. — Fox's off-hand reply to a lady's inelegancy of expres- 
 sion. — Barty Willard's remarkable facility in rhyming on the spur of 
 the moment. — A tilt between Oxford and Cambridge. — Give the devil 
 his due. — Scribblings on window-glass. — The embassador's delicate 
 flattery. — Cowper's conversion of uncomplimentary designations into 
 compliments at an evening party.— The Catholic's reply to the Protes- 
 tant inscription at Bandon. — Burns's grace at dinner 528 
 
CONTENTS. XIX 
 
 Heftactarg 3fti)gmmg, 
 
 CANNING'S rhyme for Julianna. — Brougham's rhyme for Mor- 
 ris.— Monogomphe. — The difficulty of finding rhymes for month, 
 chimney, liquid", carpet, window, garden, porringer, orange, lemon, pil- 
 grim, widow, Timbuctoo, Niagara, Mackonochie. — Barham's fantastic 
 rhymes in the Ingoldsby Legends, matched by Coleridge, by Byron, and 
 by Butler in Hudibras. — Punch's spelling rhymes. — Chapin's handling 
 of an intractable word. — The young lover's difficulties in completing 
 his stanzas. — Hood's Nocturnal Sketch, each line ending with three 
 rhyming words 534 
 
 Ualentines. 
 
 A STRATEGIC love-letter, providing for retreat in good order, 
 if needful. — A valentine written in sympathetic ink. — An invi- 
 tation cryptographically concealed. — Macaulay's beautiful verses to the 
 daughter of Lord and LadyMahon. — Burns's endearments. — Teutonic 
 alliteration. — A lover to his sweetheart in short metre. — Loving lines 
 written with blood. — A macaronic valentine. — Digby's graceful wooing. 
 — Practical joke on a colored man who loved not wisely. — Unpublished 
 verses of Moore. — Egyptian serenade. — Petition of sixteen maids of 
 Charleston to the Governor of South Carolina to restrain the widows 
 from captivating bachelors. — The maladroit petition of a priest of 
 Cuiseanx to Madame de Maintenon 544 
 
 JSannete. 
 
 "TTTRITING a sonnet.— Thoughts in a fashionable church.— The 
 
 V V proxy at St. Peter's gate. — About a nose. — The mischiefs of 
 
 dyspepsia. — The grace of humility. — Ave Maria 551 
 
 atrmformitj) jrf Sense to jSounir, 
 
 ARTICULATE imitation of inarticulate sounds, with examples 
 from the poets. — Imitations of time and motion. — Imitations 
 of difficulty and ease 554 
 
 ^Familiar ©tmtations from ^Unfamiliar 
 Sources. 
 
 A VARIETY of quotations traced to their original source in 
 ancient and modern writings. — The following are accompanied 
 with special remark : — Consistency a jewel. — Cleanliness next to godli* 
 
XX CONTENTS. 
 
 ness. — He's a brick. — Do as Komans do. — Nation of shop-keepers. — 
 What will Mrs. Grundy say ? — Though lost to sight, to memory dear. — 
 The worse for the facts. — Conspicuous by absence. — Do as I say, not as 
 I do 556 
 
 CHjutrijgarir Hiteratw*. 
 
 EPITAPHS of eminent men. — Tombstone inscriptions peculiarly 
 eulogistic, apt, and appropriate. — Touching memorials of children. 
 — Historical and biographical epitaphs. — Self-written inscriptions. — 
 Moralizing and admonitory verses. — Advertising notices. — Unique and 
 ludicrous epitaphs.— Mortuary punning. — Curious and puzzling inscrip- 
 tions. — Curious parallels. — Specimens of bathos, transcendental writing, 
 cento, and acrostic. — Ethnologic differences, Indian, African, Hiber- 
 nian, Greek. — Antithesis extraordinary. — The printer's epitaph. — Speci- 
 mens of brevity. — Laudatory verses. — Miscellaneous epitaphs — Earth to 
 earth. — Byron's monumental inscription on his dog 564 
 
 jfnscrtptkms. 
 
 THE strange inscriptions on old English tavern sign-boards. — Their 
 corruptions and meanings. —Taproom and beer jug mottoes. — In- 
 scriptions graved on inn window-panes. — Inscriptions and mottoes on 
 bells — church, alarm, and clock bells — drawn from a variety of sources. 
 — Old-fashioned fly-leaf inscriptions in books, chiefly school-books. — 
 Clock, watch-paper, and sun-dial epigraphs. — Forms of inscription for 
 a spring, a harp, a cemetery, a dwelling and public houses. — Memorial 
 verses and golden mottoes. — A collection of posies from wedding- 
 rings 615 
 
 parallel passages. 
 
 ACKNOWLEDGED imitations, sly plagiarisms, and accidental 
 coincidences, from authors of every clime and every age, both in 
 the current of thought, and in the form of expression. — Shaksperean 
 resemblances. — The boldness of Charles Reade's plagiarisms. — Histor- 
 ical similitudes: — unwillingness of barbarians to separate from their 
 kindred hereafter ; sacrificing a husband and son to save a brother, 
 because the latter can never be replaced. — The corresponding mistake 
 of Cardinal Wolsey and Sir James Hamilton. — The judgment of Solo- 
 mon frequently repeated.— The Brahmanical Beth-Gelert.— Parallels in 
 art stories ; in ballads and legends ; in burial alive ; in ring stories j 
 
CONTENTS. XXi 
 
 in death prophecies; in battles. — The Bishop Hatto legend dupli- 
 cated. 640 
 
 THE oldest proverb. — A Calvinistic lady's blunder anticipated by 
 Shakspeare's Aguecheek. — Cinderella in the person of Rhodopis, 
 a Thracian slave. — Mrs. Caudle's curtain lectures. — The metre of Ten- 
 nyson's Charge of the Light Brigade. — The starting-point of the Faust 
 legends. — Air cushions. — Adage quoted by Lady Macbeth. — Cork legs. — 
 The Pope's bull against the comet. — Swapping horses while fording a 
 stream. — Wooden nutmegs. — Trade unions. — Inferential damages. — 
 The original Shylock. — Druid decree of excommunication. — Character 
 and fall of Napoleon. — Lanark and Lodore. — Turgot's ephigraph on 
 Franklin traced to its original. — The Mechlenburg Declaration of Inde- 
 pendence. — The Know Nothings. — The main idea of Bunyan's Allegory 
 anticipated. — Crusoe and Selkirk. — Proverb of De Foe traced to earlier 
 sources. — Talleyrand's mot on the use of speech anticipated. — Scandina- 
 vian scull cups. — Paley's Natural Theology a plagiarism. Old ballads 
 and their prototypes. — The story of the Wandering Jew 669 
 
 Oturuiua Ifrooks. 
 
 ODDITY of the titles of books in the time of Cromwell ; a fashion- 
 able eccentricity of that period. — A bibliographic curiosity, the 
 letters of the text being cut out of the vellum pages and interleaved with 
 blue paper. — A silver book — the Codex Argenteus. — Distinctions among 
 book amateurs. . . • 720 
 
 Utarartatta, 
 
 THE mysterious authorship of the Letters of Junius ; the views of 
 Canning and Macaulay. — Gray's Elegy ; corrections of the original 
 MS. ; omitted stanzas ; incidents ; imitations of the elegy. — Pope's 
 alterations and emendations shown in a passage of the translation of the 
 Iliad. — Mechanical structure of Pope's versification. — Importance of 
 punctuation, and the serious errors that may arise from its neglect. — 
 Indian heraldry as pointed- out by a genealogical enthusiast. — Shaks- 
 peare's anachronisms ; his heroines ; his familiarity with typography. 
 His sonnets. — Hamlet's age. — Hamlet's insanity. — Additional verses to 
 Payne's Home, Sweet Home.— The stereotyped falsities of history. — 
 Conflicting testimony of eye-witnesses of a transaction. — The distinction 
 between wit and humor. — A rhyming newspaper. — Buskin's comfort 
 
XX11 CONTENTS. 
 
 for book lovers. — The endings of letters. — Bacon on studies and 
 Books • 723 
 
 Hiterati. 
 
 THE attainments of famous linguists ; the extraordinary case of 
 Mezzofanti, who understood one hundred and eleven languages. — 
 Literary oddities, and the singularities of their habits. — The war of cul- 
 ture upon ignorance, and its perpetual sacrifices in the strife. — Sharon 
 Turner's contemptible meanness, and outrageous disregard of the value 
 of the time of compositors. — Dryden bringing his publisher, Jacob 
 Tonson, to terms 756 
 
 personal j^fcetdjes anlr Enertrates- 
 
 ' l 1 7"ASHINGT0N'S dignified composure. — Lafayette's republican 
 W proclivities. — The name Napoleon in Greek characters. — Mil- 
 ton's strategy of Satan borrowed at Austerlitz. — Personal appearance 
 of Napoleon as described by Maitland ; his opinion of suicide. — Frank- 
 lin's frugal wife. — Major Andre's Cow chase. — An English view of Andre 
 and Arnold. — Flamsteed's involuntary magic. Lord Nelson's imper- 
 turbable coolness. — Martin Luther, the dreamer and the man of action ; 
 the Marsellaise of the Reformation. — Queen Elizabeth as described by 
 Sir John Hayward and Paul Heintzner. — Shakspeare's orthodoxy as 
 shown in his writings. — Oliver Cromwell ; character sketched in a 
 letter to Governor Winthrop ; embalmed head in possession of a lady. — 
 Pope's skull in a private museum. — Wickliffe's ashes not scattered be- 
 yond recall. — Talleyrandiana. — One of Porson's diversions 763 
 
 ^(statical JKanoratttraf- 
 
 THE first blood of the Revolution shed thirty-seven days before that 
 of Lexington. — The tea-burning at Annapolis two months before 
 the tea-party at Boston. — Preliminary estimates for the United States 
 Navy. — Cotton Mather desirous of capturing William Penn. — A peti- 
 tion for an American monarchy. — The symbolic significance of the flag 
 of the Union. — The French tricolor not a revolutionary flag. — Bona- 
 partean newspaper scale. — The flight of Eugenie from France to Chisel- 
 hurst. — Predictions in a sonnet. — L'Empire c'est la Paix. Jefferson's 
 impressions of Marie Antoinette. — Blucher's delirium. — The atrocious 
 treatment of the mother of Charles V. — The traditional Mary Mag- 
 dalene. — The original Mother Goose. — How history is modified by 
 fiction. — Contemporary criticism in the light of subsequent revelation. — 
 
CONTENTS. XXlil 
 
 Historical illustrations of the manner in which great events frequently 
 result from little causes. The story of the ballads Annie Laurie and 
 Kobin Adair — The doubts as to the alleged execution of Joan of Arc. — 
 The death of Amy Robsart accidental.— The William Tell series of 
 stories. — The extremes of society in Europe in the time of Louis XIV. — 
 Cromwell's chaplain married against his will. — The last night of the 
 Girondists. — Queen Elisabeth and the ring given to Essex 782 
 
 Jttultum in ^arbo. 
 
 COMPREHENSIVE fact and striking sentiment compressed into 
 the narrowest forms of expression 823 
 
 3Life atrtr Mmtih 
 
 BISHOP HEBER'S illustrations of the voyage of life.— Aphorisms 
 of Bishop Home. — Peters' rule of living. — Franklin's moral code. 
 The proper distribution of time. — Sir Thomas Browne on living life 
 over again. — Rhyming definitions. — Answers to the question, what is 
 Earth I — Rhyming grant of William the Conquerer. — Puzzling questions 
 for lawyers. — The bone denominated Luz. — Dying words of distin- 
 guished persons. — The last prayer of Mary, Queen of Scots, before her 
 execution. — A remarkable case of suspended animation. — Questions for 
 the discussion of the learned. — Preservation of dead bodies. — The folly 
 of embalming corpses. — A whimsical will. — The life tripod. — The impre- 
 catory epitaph of Shakspeare paralleled in Iceland. — The significance 
 of the Fleur-de-lis. — The plagues of Egypt. — Jean Ingelow's story of 
 long ago. — The earth not man's abiding place. — 111 success in life. — 
 Futurity. — Pity for the sin and the suffering of the erring. — Evening 
 prayer. — Echoes of a heavenly home. — Life's parting. — Destiny. — 
 Sympathy. — After. — Death's final conquest. — The common heritage; 
 euthanasia 826 
 
Glean not in "barren soil these offal ears, 
 
 Since reap thou may'st whole harvests of delight. 
 
 Southwell. 
 
 <2hat which we garnered, in our eager youth 
 
 gecomes a long delight in after years. — Ethel Churchill. 
 
 Co the man of robust and healthy intellect, who gathers the 
 
 harvest of literature into his barn, thrashes the straw, winnows 
 
 the grain, grinds it in his own mill, bakes it in his own oven, and 
 
 then eats the true bread of knowledge, we bid a cordial welcome. 
 
 Southey. 
 
 fl hope has crossed me, in the course 
 Of this self-pleasing exercise, that ye 
 J£y zeal to his would liken, who, possessed 
 Of some rare gems, or pictures finely wrought, 
 Unlocks his cabinet, and draws them forth, 
 One after one, soliciting regard 
 Co this and this. Wordsworth. 
 
 Why are not more gems from our great authors scattered over 
 the country? Great books are not in everybody's reach; and though 
 it is better to know them thoroughly than to know them only here 
 and there, yet it is a good work to give a little to those who have 
 neither time nor means to get more. Let every book-worm, when 
 in any fragrant scarce old tome he discovers a sentence, a story, an 
 illustration, that does his heart good, hasten to give it. — COLERIDGE. 
 Jlislike me not that Tve essayed to please ye : 
 Some things herein may not offend. — FLETCHER. 
 What song the Syrens sang, or what name jLchilles assumed when 
 he hid himself among women, though puzzling questions, are not 
 beyond all conjecture. — Sir Thomas Browne. 
 
 JE fontibus eorum, judicio arbitrioque nostro, quantum quoque 
 modo videbitur, hauriemus. — Cicero. 
 
 Quidquid agunt homines votum, timor, ira, voluptas, 
 Gaudia, discursus, nostri est farrago libelli. — Juvenal. 
 JLven shavings of gold are carefully to be kept. — FULLER. 
 
 24 
 
&lpf)at>ettcal ffittfjtnw. 
 
 LIPOGRAMMATA AND PANGRAMMATA. 
 
 ,N No. 59 of the Spectator, Addison, 
 descanting on the different species of 
 false wit, observes, " The first I shall pro- 
 duce are the Lipogrammatists, or letter 
 droppers of antiquity, that would take an 
 exception, without any reason, against some 
 particular letter in the alphabet, so as not to 
 admit it once in a whole poem. One Try- 
 phiodorus was a great master in this kind of 
 'writing. He composed an Odyssey, or Epic 
 Poem, on the adventures of Ulysses, con- 
 sisting of four-and-twenty-books, having en- 
 tirely banished the letter A from his first 
 book, which was called Alpha, (as lucus a 
 non lucendo,) because there was not an alpha 
 in it. His second book was inscribed Beta, for the same reason. 
 In short, the poet excluded the whole four-and-twenty letters 
 in their turns, and showed them that he could do his business 
 without them. It must have been very pleasant to have seen 
 this Poet avoiding the reprobate letter as much as another 
 would a false quantity, and making his escape from it, through 
 the different Greek dialects, when he was presented with it in 
 any particular syllable ; for the most apt and elegant word in 
 
 3 .26 
 
26 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 the whole language was rejected, like a diamond with a flaw in 
 it, if it appeared blemished with the wrong letter." 
 
 In Nd. 63, Addison has again introduced Tryphiodorus, in 
 his Vision of the Region of False Wit, where he sees the phan- 
 tom of this poet pursued through the intricacies of a dance by 
 four-and-twenty persons, (representatives of the alphabet,) who 
 are unable to overtake him. 
 
 Addison should, however, have mentioned that Tryphiodorus 
 is kept in countenance by no less an authority than Pindar, 
 who, according to Athenaeus, wrote an ode from which the 
 letter sigma was carefully excluded. 
 
 This caprice of Tryphiodorus has not been without its imi- 
 tators. Peter de Riga^ a canon of Rheims, wrote a summary 
 of the Bible in twenty-three sections, and throughout each sec- 
 tion omitted, successively, some particular letter. 
 
 Gordianus Fulgentius, who wrote " De iEtatibus Mundi et 
 Hominis," has styled his book a wonderful work, chiefly, it 
 may be presumed, from a similar reason ; as from the chapter 
 on Adam he has excluded the letter A ; from that on Abel, 
 the B ; from that on Cain, the C ; and so on through twenty- 
 three chapters. 
 
 Gregorio Letti presented a discourse to the Academy of Hu- 
 morists at Rome, throughout which he had purposely omitted 
 the letter R, and he entitled it the exiled R. A friend having 
 requested a copy as a literary curiosity, (for so he considered 
 this idle performance,) Letti, to show it was not so difficult a 
 matter, replied by a copious answer of seven pages, in which 
 he observed the same severe ostracism against the letter R. 
 
 Du Chat, in the "Ducatiana," says " there are five novels in 
 prose, of Lope de Vega, similarly avoiding the vowels; the 
 first without A, the second without E, the third without I, the 
 fourth without 0, and the fifth without U." 
 
 The Orientalists are not without this literary folly. A Per- 
 sian poet read to the celebrated Jami a ghazel of his own com- 
 position, which Jami did not like; but the writer replied it was, 
 notwithstanding, a very curious sonnet, for the letter Aliff was 
 
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 27 
 
 not to be found in any of the words ! Jami sarcastically an- 
 Bwered, " You can do a better thing yet ; take away all the 
 letters from every word you have written/' 
 
 This alphabetical whim has assumed other shapes, sometimes 
 taking the form of a fondness for a particular letter. In the 
 Ecloga de Calvis of Hugbald the Monk, all the words begin 
 with a C. In the Nugae Venales there is a Poem by Petrus 
 Placentius, entitled Pugna Porcorum, in which every word be- 
 gins with a P. In another performance in the same work, en- 
 titled Canum cum cattis certamen, in which "apt alliteration's 
 artful aid" is similarly summoned, every word begins with a C. 
 
 Lord Nprth, one of the finest gentlemen in the Court of 
 James I., has written a set of sonnets, each of which begins 
 with a successive letter of the alphabet. The Earl of Rivers, 
 in the reign of Edward IV., translated the Moral Proverbs of 
 Christiana of Pisa, a poem of about two hundred lines, almost 
 all the words of which he contrived to conclude with the letter E. 
 
 The Pangrammatists contrive to crowd all the letters of the 
 alphabet into every single verse. The prophet Ezra may be 
 regarded as the father of them, as may be seen by reference to 
 ch. vii., v. 21, of his Book of Prophecies. Ausonius, a Ro- 
 man poet of the fourth century, whose verses are characterized 
 by great mechanical ingenuity, is fullest of these fancies. 
 
 The following sentence of only 48 letters, contains every 
 letter of the alphabet : — John P. Brad?/, give me a black wal~ 
 nut box of quite a small size. 
 
 The stanza subjoined is a specimen of both lipogrammatio 
 and pangrammatic ingenuity, containing every letter of the 
 alphabet except e. Those who remember that e is the most 
 indispensable letter, being much more frequently used than 
 any other,* will perceive the difficulty of such composition. 
 
 * The relative proportions of the letters, in the formation of words, have 
 been pretty accurately determined, as follows : — 
 
 A 85 E 120 I 80 M 30 Q 5 U 34 Y 20 
 B 16 F 25 J 4 N 80 R 62 V 12 Z 2 
 C 30 G 17 K 8 O 80 S 80 W 20 
 D 44 H 64 L 40 P 17 T 90 X 4 
 
28 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 A jovial swain may rack his brain, 
 
 And tax his fancy's might, 
 To quiz in vain, for 'tis most plain, 
 
 That what I say is right. 
 
 The Fate of Nassau affords another example, each stanza 
 containing the entire alphabet except e, and composed, as the 
 writer says, with ease without e's. 
 
 Bold Nassan quits his caravan, 
 A hazy mountain -grot to scan ; 
 Climbs jaggy rocks to spy his way, 
 Doth tax his sight, but far doth stray. 
 
 Not work of man, nor sport of child, 
 Finds Nassan in that mazy wild ; 
 Lax grow his joints, limbs toil in vain — 
 Poor wight ! why didst thou quit that plain ? 
 
 Vainly for succor Nassan calls. 
 Know, Zillah, that thy Nassan falls: 
 But prowling wolf and fox may joy 
 To quarry on thy Arab boy. 
 
 Lord Holland, after reading the five Spanish novels 
 already alluded to, in 1824, composed the following curious 
 example, in which all the vowels except E are omitted : — 
 
 eve's legend. 
 
 Men were never perfect ; yet the three brethren Veres were ever esteemed, 
 respected, revered, even when the rest, whether the select few, whether the 
 mere herd, were left neglected. 
 
 The eldest's vessels seek the deep, stem the element, get pence ; the keen 
 Peter, when free, wedded Hester Green, — the slender, stern, severe, erect 
 Hester Green. The next, clever Ned, less dependent, wedded sweet Ellen 
 Heber. Stephen, ere he met the gentle Eve, never felt tenderness : he kept 
 kennels, bred steeds, rested where the deer fed, went where green trees, 
 where fresh breezes, greeted sleep. There he met the meek, the gentle Eve : 
 she tended, her sheep, she ever neglected self: she never heeded pelf, yet 
 she heeded the shepherds even less. Nevertheless, her cheek reddened 
 when she met Stephen ; yet decent reserve, meek respect, tempered her 
 speech, even when she shewed tenderness. Stephen felt the sweet effect : 
 he felt he erred when he fled the sex, yet felt he defenceless when Eve 
 seemed tender. She, he reflects, never deserved neglect; she never vented 
 spleen ; he esteems her gentleness, her endless deserts ; he reverences her 
 steps ; he greets her : — 
 
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS.' 29 
 
 "Tell mo whence theso meek, these gentle sheep, — whence the yet 
 meeker, the gentler shepherdess ?" 
 
 '• Well bred, we were eke better fed, ere we went where reckless men 
 seek fleeces. There we were fleeced. Need then rendered me shepherdess, 
 need renders me sempstress. See me tend the sheep ; see me sew the 
 wretched shreds. Eve's need preserves the steers, preserves the sheep ; 
 Eve's needle mends her dresses, hems her sheets; Eve feeds the geese; 
 Eve preserves the cheese." 
 
 Her speech melted Stephen, yet he nevertheless esteems, reveres her. He 
 bent the knee where her feet pressed the green ; he blessed, he begged, he 
 pressed her. 
 
 " Sweet, sweet Eve, let me wed thee ; be led where Hester Green, where 
 Ellen Heber, where the brethren Vere dwell. Free cheer greets thee there ; 
 Ellen's glees sweeten the refreshment ; there severer Hester's decent reserve 
 checks heedless jests. Be led there, sweet Eve !" 
 
 " Never ! we well remember the Seer. We went where he dwells — we 
 entered the cell — we begged the decree, — 
 
 ' Where, whenever, when, 'twere well 
 Eve be wedded ? Eld Seer, tell.' 
 
 "He rendered the decree; see here the sentence decreed!" Then she 
 presented Stephen the Seer's decree. The verses were these : — 
 
 "Ere the green reed be red, 
 Sweet Eve, be never wed ; 
 Ere be green the red cheek, 
 Never wed thee, Eve meek" 
 The terms perplexed Stephen, yet he jeered the terms ; he resented the 
 senseless credence, " Seers never err." Then he repented, knelt, wheedled, 
 wept. Eve sees Stephen kneel ; she relonts, yet frets when she remembers 
 the Seer's decree. Her dress redeems her. These were the events : — 
 
 Her well-kempt tresses fell; sedges, reeds, bedecked them. The reeds 
 fell, the edges met her cheeks; her cheeks bled. She presses the green 
 sedge where her cheek bleeds. Red then bedewed the green reed, the 
 green reed then speckled her red cheek. The red cheek seems green, the 
 green reed seems red. These were e'en the terms the Eld Seer decreed 
 Stephen Vere. 
 
 Here endeth the Legend. 
 
 ALPHABETICAL ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 TO WIDOWERS AND SINGLE GENTLEMEN.— 
 WANTED by a lady, a SITUATION to superintend the 
 household and preside at table. She is 'Agreeable, Becoming, 
 Careful, Desirable, English, Facetious, Generous, Honest, In- 
 
 3* 
 
30 ' ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 dustrious, Judicious, Keen, Lively, Merry, Natty, Obedient, 
 Philosophic, Quiet, Regular, Sociable, Tasteful, Useful, Viva- 
 cious, Womanish, Xantippish, Youthful, Zealous, &c. Address 
 X. Y. Z., Sinimond's Library, Edgeware-road. — London Times, 
 1842. 
 
 JACOBITE TOAST. 
 
 The following remarkable toast is ascribed to Lord Duff, and 
 was presented on some public occasion in the year 1745. 
 A. B. C. . . . A Blessed Change. 
 D. E. F. . . . Down Every Foreigner. 
 G-. H. J. . . . God Help James. 
 K. *L. M. . . . Keep Lord Marr. 
 N. 0. P. . . . Noble Ormond Preserve. 
 Q. R. S. . . . Quickly Resolve Stewart. 
 T. U. V. W. . . Truss Up Vile Whigs. 
 X. Y. Z. . . . 'Xert Your Zeal. 
 
 THE THREE INITIALS. 
 
 The following couplet, in which initials are so aptly used, 
 was written on the alleged intended marriage of the Duke of 
 Wellington, at a very advanced age, with Miss Angelina Bur- 
 dett Coutts, the rich heiress : — 
 
 The Duke must in his second childhood be, 
 Since in his doting age he turns to A. B. C. 
 
 ENIGMAS. 
 The letter E is thus enigmatically described : — 
 
 The beginning of eternity, 
 
 The end of time and space, 
 The beginning of every end, 
 
 The end of every place. 
 
 The letter M is concealed in the following Latin enigma by 
 
 an unknown author of very ancient date : 
 
 Ego sum principium mundi et finis seculorum : 
 Ego sum trinus et unus, et tamen non sum Dous. 
 
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 3J 
 
 THE LETTER H. 
 
 The celebrated enigma on the letter H, commonly attributed 
 to Lord Byron,* is well known. The following amusing petition 
 is addressed by this letter to the inhabitants of Kidderminster, 
 England — Protesting : 
 
 Whereas by you I have been driven 
 
 From 'ouse, from 'ome, from 'ope, from 'eaven, 
 
 And placed by your most learned society 
 
 In Hexile, Hanguish, and Hanxiety ; 
 
 Nay, charged without one just pretence, 
 
 With Harrogance and Himpudence — 
 
 I here demand full restitution, 
 
 And beg you'll mend your Helocution. 
 
 Rowland Hill, when at college, was remarkable for the fre- 
 quent wittiness of his observations. In a conversation on the 
 powers of the letter H, in which it was contended that it was no 
 letter, but a simple aspiration or breathing, Rowland took the 
 opposite side of the question, and insisted on its being, to all 
 intents and purposes, a letter; and concluded by observing that, 
 if it were not, it was a very serious affair to him, as it would 
 occasion his being ill all the days of his life. 
 
 "When Kohl, the traveller, visited the Church of St. Alex- 
 ander Nevskoi, at St. Petersburg, his guide, pointing to a cor- 
 ner of the building, 'said, " There lies a Cannibal." Attracted 
 to the tomb by this strange announcement, Kohl found from 
 the inscription that it was the Russian general Hannibal ; but 
 as the Russians have no H,f they change the letter into K; 
 and hence the strange misnomer given to the deceased warrior. 
 
 * Now known to have been written by Miss Catherine Fanshawe. 
 
 f The Sandwich Island alphabet has twelve letters ; the Burmese, nineteen ; 
 the Italian, twenty ; the Bengalese, twenty-one ; the Hebrew, Syriac, Chaldee, 
 and Samaritan, twenty -two each; the French, twenty-three; the Greek, 
 twenty-four; the Latin, twenty-five; the German, Dutch, and English, twenty- 
 six each; the Spanish and Sclavonic, twenty-seven each; the Arabic, 
 twenty-eight; the Persian and Coptic, thirty-two; the Georgian, thirty-five; 
 the Armenian, thirty-eight; the Russian, forty-one; the Muscovite, forty- 
 three ; the Sanscrit and Japanese, fifty ; the Ethiopio and Tartarian, two hun- 
 dred and two each. 
 
32 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 A city knight, who was unable to aspirate the H, on being 
 deputed to give King William III. an address of welcome, ut- 
 tered the following equivocal compliment : — 
 
 " Future ages, recording your Majesty's exploits, will pro- 
 nounce you to have been a Nero !" 
 
 Mrs. Crawford says she wrote one line in her song, Kathleen 
 Mavourneen, for the express purpose of confounding the cock- 
 ney warblers, who sing it thus : — 
 
 The 'orn of the 'unter is 'eard on the 'ill. 
 
 Moore has laid the same trap in the Woodpecker : — 
 A 'eart that is 'umble might 'ope for it 'ere. 
 
 And the elephant confounds them the other way : — 
 A helephant heasily heats at his hease, 
 Hunder humbrageous humbrella trees. 
 
 ON THE MARRIAGE OF A LADY TO A GENTLEMAN NAMED GEB. 
 
 Sure, madam, by your choice a taste we see : 
 
 What's good or great or grand without a G ? 
 
 A godly glow must sure on G depend, 
 
 Or oddly low our righteous thoughts must end : 
 
 The want of G all gratitude effaces j 
 
 And without G, the Graces would run races. 
 
 ON SENDING A PAIR OP GLOVES. 
 
 From this small token take the letter G, 
 And then 'tis love, and that I send to thee. 
 
 UNIVOCALIO VERSES. 
 
 A. — THE EUSS0-TURKI8H WAR. 
 
 Wars harm all ranks, all arts, all crafts appall : 
 At Mars' harsh blast, arch, rampart, altar, fall 1 
 Ah ! hard as adamant, a braggart Czar 
 Arms vassal swarms, and fans a fatal war! 
 Rampant at that bad call, a Vandal band 
 Harass, and harm, and ransack Wallach-land. 
 A Tartar phalanx Balkan's scarp hath past, 
 And Allah's standard falls, alas ! at last. 
 
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 33 
 
 E. — THE FALL OP EVE. 
 
 Eve, Eden's Empress, needs defended be; 
 The Serpent greets her when she seeks the tree. 
 Serene, she sees the speckled tempter creep ; 
 Gentle he seems, — pervcrsest schemer deep, — 
 Yet endless pretexts ever fresh prefers, 
 Perverts her senses, revels when she errs, 
 Sneers when she weeps, regrets, repents she fell; 
 Then, deep revenged, reseeks the nether hell I 
 
 I. — THE APPROACH OP EVENING. 
 
 Idling, I sit in this mild twilight dim, 
 Whilst birds, in wild, swift vigils, circling skim. 
 Light winds in sighing sink, till, rising bright, 
 Night's Virgin Pilgrim swims in vivid light! 
 
 O. — INCONTROVERTIBLE FACTS. 
 
 No monk too good to rob, or cog, or plot. 
 No fuol so gross to bolt Scotch collops hot. 
 From Donjon tops no Oronoko rolls. 
 Logwood, not Lotos, floods Oporto's bowls. 
 Troops of old tosspots oft, to sot, consort. 
 Box tops, not bottoms, school-boys flog for sport. 
 No cool monsoons blow soft on Oxford dons, 
 Orthodox, jog-trot, book-worm Solomons ! 
 Bold Ostrogoths, of ghosts no horror show. 
 On London shop-fronts no hop-blossoms grow. 
 To crocks of gold no dodo looks for food. 
 On soft cloth footstools no old fox doth brood. 
 Long storm-tost sloops forlorn, work on to port. 
 Rooks do not roost on spoons, nor woodcocks snort, 
 Nor dog on snow-drop or on coltsfoot rolls, 
 Nor common frogs concoct long protocols. 
 
 U. — THE SAME SUBJECT, CONTINUED. 
 
 Dull humdrum murmurs lull, but hubbub stuns. 
 Lucullus snuffs no musk, mundungus shuns. 
 Puss purrs, buds burst, bucks butt, luck turns up trumps j 
 But full cups, hurtful, spur up unjust thumps. 
 
 A young English lady, on observing a gentleman's lane newlj 
 planted with lilacs, made this neat impromptu : — 
 * Let lovely lilacs line Lee's lonely lane. 
 
34 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 ALPHABETICAL ALLITERATION. 
 
 THE SIEGE OF BELGRADE. 
 
 An Austrian army, awfully arrayed, 
 
 Boldly, by battery, besieged Belgrade ; 
 
 Cossack commanders cannonading come — 
 
 Dealing destruction's devastating doom ; 
 
 Every endeavor, engineers essay, 
 
 For fame, for fortune — fighting furious fray : — 
 
 Generals 'gainst generals grapple — gracious God ! 
 
 How honors Heaven, heroic hardihood ! 
 
 Infuriate, — indiscriminate in ill, 
 
 Kindred kill kinsmen, — kinsmen kindred kill ! 
 
 Labor low levels loftiest longest line» — 
 
 Men march 'mid mounds, 'mid moles, 'mid murderous mines; 
 
 Now noisy, noxious, noticed nought 
 
 Of outward obstacles opposing ought : 
 
 Poor patriots, partly purchased, partly pressed : 
 
 Quite quaking, quickly quarter, quarter quest, 
 
 Reason returns, religious right redounds, 
 
 Suwarrow stops such sanguinary sounds. 
 
 Truce to thee, Turkey — triumph to thy train ! 
 
 Unjust, unwise, unmerciful Ukraine ! 
 
 Vanish vain victory, vanish victory vain ! 
 
 Why wish ye warfare ? Wherefore welcome were 
 
 Xerxes, Ximenes, Xanthus, Xaviere ? 
 
 Yield ! ye youths ! ye yeomen, yield your yell ! 
 
 Zeno's, Zapater's, Zoroaster's zeal, 
 
 And all attracting — arms against acts appeal. 
 
 THE BUNKER HILL MONUMENT CELEBRATION. 
 
 Americans arrayed and armed attend ; 
 
 Beside battalions bold, bright beauties blend. 
 
 Chiefs, clergy, citizens conglomerate, — 
 
 Detesting despots, — daring deeds debate; 
 
 Each eye emblazoned ensigns entertain, — 
 
 Flourishing from far, — fan freedom's flame. 
 
 Guards greeting guards grown grey, — guest greeting guest. 
 
 High-minded heroes, hither, homeward, haste. 
 
 Ingenuous juniors join in jubilee, 
 
 Kith kenning kin, — kind knowing kindred key. 
 
 Lo, lengthened lines lend Liberty liege love, 
 
 Mixed masses, marshaled, JJanumeutward move. 
 
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 35 
 
 Note noble navies near, — no novel notion, — 
 Oft our oppressors overawed old Ocean ; 
 Presumptuous princes, pristine patriots paled, 
 Queens' quarrel questing quotas, quondam quailed. 
 Rebellion roused, revolting ramparts rose. 
 Stout spirits, smiting servile soldiers, strove. 
 These thrilling themes, to thousands truly told, 
 Usurpers' unjust usages unfold. 
 Victorious vassals, Vauntings vainly veiled, 
 Where, whilesince, Webster, warlike Warren wailed. 
 'Xcuse 'xpletives 'xtra-queer 'xpressed, 
 Yielding Yankee yeomen zest. 
 
 PRINCE CHARLES PROTECTED BY FLORA MACDOXALD. 
 
 All ardent acts affright an Age abased 
 
 By brutal broils, by braggart bravery braced. 
 
 Craft's cankered courage changed Culloden's cry ; 
 
 " Deal deep" deposed " deal death" — " decoy/' " defy :" 
 
 Enough. Ere envy enters England's eyes, 
 
 Fancy's false future fades, for Fortune flies. 
 
 Gaunt, gloomy, guar led, grappling giant griefs, 
 
 Here, hunted hard, his harassed heart he heaves; 
 
 In impious ire incessant ills invests, 
 
 Judging Jove's jealous judgments, jaundiced jests ! 
 
 Kneel, kirtled knight! keep keener kingcraft known, 
 
 Let larger lore life's levelling lessons loan : 
 
 Marauders must meet malefactors' meeds; 
 
 No nation noisy non-conformists needs. 
 
 oracles of old ! our orb ordain 
 
 Peaee's possession — Plenty's palmy plain ! 
 
 Quiet Quixotic quests ; quell quarrelling ; 
 
 Rebuke red riot's resonant rifle ring. 
 
 Slumber seems strangely sweet since silence smote 
 
 The threatening thunders throbbing through their throat. 
 
 Usurper ! under uniform unwont 
 
 Vail valor's vaguest venture, vainest vaunt. 
 
 Well wot we which were wise. War's wildfire won 
 
 Ximenes, Xerxes, Xavier, Xenophon : 
 
 Yet you, ye yearning youth, your young years yield 
 
 Zuinglius' zealot zest — Zinzendorf zion-zealed. 
 
 CACOPHONOUS COUPLET ON CARDINAL WOLSKY. 
 
 Begot by butchers, but by bishops bred, 
 How high his honor holds his haughty head! 
 
36 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 ADDRESS TO THE AURORA, WRITTEN IN MID-OCEAN. 
 
 Awake Aurora ! and across all airs 
 By brilliant blazon banish boreal bears. 
 Crossing cold Canope's celestial crown, 
 Deep darts descending dive delusive down. 
 Entranced each eve Europa's every eye 
 Firm fixed forever fastens faithfully, 
 Greets golden guerdon gloriously grand; 
 How Holy Heaven holds high his hollow hand ! 
 Ignoble ignorance, inapt indeed — 
 Jeers jestingly just Jupiter's jereed : 
 Knavish Kamschatkans, knightly Kurdsmen know, 
 Long Labrador's light lustre looming low; 
 Midst myriad multitudes majestic might 
 No nature nobler numbers Neptune's ni^ht. 
 Opal of Oxus or old Ophir's ores 
 Pale pyrrhic pyres prismatic purple pours, — 
 Quiescent quivering, quickly, quaintly queer, 
 Rich, rosy, regal rays resplendent rear ; 
 Strange shooting streamers streaking starry skies 
 Trail their triumphant tresses — trembling ties. 
 Unseen, unhonored Ursa, — underneath 
 Veiled, vanquished — vainly vying — vanisheth: 
 Wild Woden, warning, watchful — whispers wan 
 Xanthitic Xeres, Xerxes, Xenophon, 
 f Yet yielding yesternight yule's yell yawns 
 Zenith's zebraic zigzag, zodiac zones. 
 
 Pulci, in his Morgante Maggiore, xxiii. 47, gives the following 
 remarkable double alliterations, two of them in every line : — 
 
 La casa cosa parea bretta e brutta, 
 Vitita dal vento, e la nntta e la notte, 
 Stilla le atelle, ch'a tetto era tutta, 
 Del pane apjoena ne dette ta' dotte ; 
 Pere avea pure e qualche f ratio, frutia, 
 E svina e avena di botto una botte ; 
 Poacia per peani biache prese ol/'evca, 
 Ma il letto sAlntta sM&fraaca fufreaca. 
 
 In the imitation of Laura Matilda, in the Rejected Addresses 
 occurs this stanza : — 
 
 Pan beheld Patroclus dying, 
 Nox to Niobe was turned ; 
 From Busiris Bacchus flying, 
 Saw his Semele inurned. 
 
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 37 
 
 TITLE-PAGE FOR A BOOK OF EXTRACTS FROM MANY AUTHORS. 
 
 Astonishing Anthology from Attractive Authors. 
 
 Broken Bits from Bulky Brair 
 
 Choico Chunks from Chaucer to CL-^ning. 
 
 Dainty Devices from Diverse Directions. 
 
 Echoes of Eloquence from Eminent Essayists. 
 
 Fragrant Flowers from Fields of Fancy. 
 
 Gems of Genius Gloriously Garnished. 
 
 Handy Helps from Head and Heart. 
 
 Illustrious Intellects Intelligently Interpreted. 
 
 Jewels of Judgment and Jets of Jocularity. 
 
 Kindlings to Keep from the King to the Kitchen. 
 
 Loosened Leaves from Literary Laurels. 
 
 Magnificent Morsels from Mighty Minds. 
 
 Numerous Nuggets from Notable Noodles. 
 
 Oracular Opinions Officiously Offered. 
 
 Prodigious Points from Powerful Pens. 
 
 Quirks and Quibbles from Queer Quarters. 
 
 Rare Remarks Ridiculously Repeated. 
 
 Suggestive Squibs from Sundry Sources. 
 
 Tremendous Thoughts on Thundering Topics. 
 
 Utterances from Uppermost for Use and Unction. 
 
 Valuable Views in Various Voices. 
 
 Wisps of Wit in a Wilderness of Words. 
 
 Xcellent Xtracts Xactly X pressed. 
 
 Yawnings and Yearnings for Youthful Yankees. 
 
 Zeal and Zest from Zoroaster to Zimmerman. 
 
 COMPLIMENTARY CONSIDERATIONS CONCERNING CHESS. 
 
 Cherished chess ! The charms of thy checkered chambers chain me 
 changelessly. Chaplains have chanted thy charming choiceness; chief- 
 tains have changed the chariot and the chase for the chaster chivalry of the 
 chess-board, and the cheerier charge of the chess-knights. Chaste-eyed 
 Caissa ! For thee are the chaplets of chainless charity and the chalice of 
 childlike cheerfulness. No chilling churl, no cheating chafferer, no chatter- 
 ing changeling, no chanting charlatan can be thy champion ; the chival- 
 rous, the charitable, and the cheerful are the chosen ones thou cherishest. 
 Chance cannot change thee: from the cradle of childhood to the charnel- 
 house, from our first childish chirpings to the chills of the church-yard, 
 thou art our cheery, changeless chieftainess. Chastener of the churlish, 
 chider of the changeable, cherisher of the chagrined, the chapter of thy 
 chiliad of charms should be chanted in cherubic chimes by choicest choris 
 ters, and chiselled on chalcedon in cherubic chirography. 
 
 4 
 
38 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 Hood, in describing the sensations of a dramatist awaiting 
 his deDut, thus uses the letter F in his Ode to Perry : — 
 
 All Fume and Fret, 
 Fuss, Fidget, Fancy, Fever, Funking, Fright, 
 Ferment, Fault-fearing, Faintness — more F's yet : 
 Flushed, Frigid, Flurried, Flinching, Fitful, Flat, 
 Add Famished, Fuddled, and Fatigued to that; 
 Funeral, Fate-Foreboding. 
 
 The repetition of the same letter in the following is very in- 
 genious : — 
 
 FELICITOUS FLIGHT OF FANCY. 
 
 "A famous fish-factor found himself father of five flirting females — 
 Fanny, Florence, Fernanda, Francesca, and Fenella. The first four were 
 flat-featured, ill-favored, forbidding-faced, freckled frumps, fretful, flippant, 
 foolish, and flaunting. Fenella was a fine-featured, fresh, fleet-footed fairy, 
 frank, free, and full of fun. The fisher failed, and was forced "by fickle 
 fortune to forego his footman, forfeit his forefathers' fine fields, and find a 
 forlorn farm-house in a forsaken forest. The four fretful females, fond of 
 figuring at feasts in feathers and fashionable finery, fumed at their fugitive 
 father. Forsaken by fulsome, flattering fortune-hunters, who followed them 
 when first they flourished, Fenella fondled her father, flavored their food, 
 forgot her flattering followers, and frolicked in a frieze without flounces. 
 The father, finding himself forced to forage in foreign parts for a fortune, 
 found he could afford a faring to his five fondlings. The first four were fain 
 to foster their frivolity with fine frills and fans, fit to finish their father's 
 finances; Fenella, fearful of flooring him, formed a fancy for a full fresh 
 flower. Fate favored the fish-factor for a few days, when he fell in with a 
 fog; his faithful Filley's footsteps faltered, and food failed. He found him- 
 self in front of a fortified fortress. Finding it forsaken, and feeling himself 
 feeble, and forlorn with fasting, he fed on the fish, flesh, and fowl he found, 
 fricasseed, and when full fell flat on the floor. Fresh in the forenoon, he 
 forthwith flew to the fruitful fields, and not forgetting Fenella, he filched a 
 fair flower; when a foul, frightful, fiendish figure flashed forth: 'Felonious 
 fellow, fingering my flowers, I'll finish you ! Fly ; say farewell to your tine 
 felicitous family, and face me in a fortnight!' The faint-hearted fisher 
 fumed and faltered, and fast and far was his flight. His five daughters 
 flew to fall at his feet and fervently felicitate him. Frantically and fluently 
 he unfolded his fate. Fenella, forthwith fortified by filial fondness, followed 
 her father's footsteps, and flung her faultless form at the foot of the fright- 
 ful figure, who forgave the father, and fell flat on his face, for he had 
 fervently fallen in a fiery fit of love for the fair Fenella. He feasted her 
 till, fascinated by his faithfulness, she forgot the ferocity of his face, form, 
 
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 39 
 
 and features, and frankly and fondly fixed Friday, fifth of February, for 
 the affair to come off. There was festivity, fragrance, finery, fireworks, 
 fricasseed frogs, fritters, fish, flesh, fowl, and frumentry, frontignac, flip, 
 and fare fit for the fastidious ; fruit, fuss, flambeaux, four fat fiddlers and 
 lifers; and the frightful form of the fortunate and frumpish fiend fell from 
 him, "and he fell at Fenella's feet a fair-favored, fine, frank, freeman of the 
 forest. Behold the fruits of filial affection. 
 
 A BEVY OF BELLES. 
 
 The following lines are said to have been admirably de- 
 scriptive of the five daughters of an English gentleman, 
 formerly of Liverpool : — 
 
 Minerva-like majestic Mary moves. 
 Law, Latin, Liberty, learned Lucy loves. 
 Eliza's elegance each eye espies. 
 Serenely silent Susan's smiles surprise. 
 From fops, fools, flattery, fairest Fanny flies. 
 
 MOTIVES TO GRATITUDE. 
 
 A remarkable example of the old fondness for antithesis 
 and alliteration in composition, is presented in the following 
 extract from one of Watts' sermons : — 
 
 The last great help to thankfulness is to compare various circumstances 
 and things together. Compare, then, your sorrows with you sins; com- 
 pare your mercies with your merits ; compare your comforts with your 
 calamities ; compare your own troubles with the troubles of others; com- 
 pare your sufferings with the sufferings of Christ Jesus, your Lord ; com- 
 pare the pain of your afflictions with the profit of them ; compare your 
 chastisements on earth with condemnation in hell ; compare the present 
 hardships you bear with the happiness you expect hereafter, and try 
 whether all these will not awaken thankfulness. 
 
 ACROSTICS. 
 
 The acrostic, though an old and favorite form of verse, in 
 our own language has been almost wholly an exercise of inge- 
 nuity, and has been considered fit only for trivial subjects, to 
 be classed among nugse literariae. The word in its derivation 
 includes various artificial arrangements of lines, and many fan- 
 tastic conceits have been indulged in. Generally the acrostic 
 has been formed of the first letters of each line ; sometimes of 
 the last ; sometimes of both ; sometimes it is to be read down- 
 
40 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 ward, sometimes upward. An ingenious variety called the 
 Telestich, is that in which the letters beginning the lines spell 
 a word, while the letters ending the lines, when taken together, 
 form a word of an opposite meaning, as in this instance : — 
 
 U nite and untie are the same — so say yo U. 
 N ot in wedlock, I ween, has this unity bee N. 
 I nthedramaof marriage each wandering^ou T 
 T o anew face would fly — all except you and I — 
 E ach seeking to alter the spell in their seen E. 
 
 In these lines, on the death of Lord Hatherton, (1863), the 
 initial and final letters are doubled : — 
 
 H ard was his final fight with ghastly Deat h, 
 H e bravely yielded his expiring breat h. 
 A s in the Senate fighting freedom's pie a, 
 A nd boundless in his wisdom as the se a. 
 The public welfare seeking to direc t, 
 T he weak and undefended to protec t. 
 H is steady course in noble life from birt h, 
 H as shown his public and his private wort h. 
 E vincing mind both lofty and sedat e, 
 E ndowments great and fitted for the Stat e, 
 R eceiving high and low with open 800 r, 
 R ich in his bounty to the rude and poo r. 
 T he crown reposed in him the highest trus t, 
 T show the world that he was wise and jus t. 
 n his ancestral banners long ag o, 
 urs willingly relied, and will do s o. 
 N or yet extinct is noble Hatherton, 
 N ow still he lives in gracious Littleto n. 
 
 Although the fanciful and trifling tricks of poetasters have 
 been carried to excess, and acrostics have come in for their 
 share of satire, the origin of such artificial poetry was of a 
 higher dignity. When written documents, were yet rare, every 
 artifice was employed to enforce on the attention or fix on the 
 memory the verses sung by bards or teachers. Alphabetic 
 associations formed obvious and convenient aids for this pur- 
 pose. In the Hebrew Psalms of David, and in other parts of 
 Scripture, striking specimens occur. The peculiarity is not 
 retained in the translations, but is indicated in the common 
 
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 41 
 
 version of the 119th Psalm by the initial letters prefixed to its 
 divisions. The Greek Anthology also presents examples of 
 acrostics, and they were often used in the old Latin language. 
 Cicero, in his treatise '• De Divinatione," has this remarkable 
 passage : — "The verses of the Sybils (said he) are distinguished 
 by that arrangement which the Greeks call Acrostic; where, 
 from the first letters of each verse in order, words are formed 
 which express some particular meaning; as is the case with 
 some of Ennius's verses, the initial letters of which make 
 ' which Ennius wrote !' " 
 
 Among the modern examples of acrostic writing, the most 
 remarkable may be found in the works of Boccaccio. It is a 
 poem of fifty cantos, of which Guinguene has preserved a speci- 
 men in his Literary History of Italy. 
 
 A successful attempt has recently been made to use this form 
 of verse for conveying useful information and expressing agree- 
 able reflections, in a volume containing a series of acrostics on 
 eminent names, commencing with Homer, and descending 
 chronologically to our own time. The alphabetic necessity of 
 the choice of words and epithets has not hindered the writer 
 from giving distinct and generally correct character to the bio- 
 graphical subjects, as may be seen in the following selections, 
 which are as remarkable for the truth and discrimination of the 
 descriptions as for the ingenuity of the diction : 
 
 GEORGE HERBERT. 
 
 G ood Country Parson, cheerful, quaint, 
 E ver in thy life a saint, 
 ter thy memory sweetly rise 
 R are old Izaak's eulogies, 
 G iving us, in life-drawn hue, 
 E ach loved feature to our view. 
 II oly Herbert, humble, mild, 
 E 'en as simple as a child, 
 R eady thy bounty to dispense, 
 B earning with benevolence, 
 E ver blessing, ever blest, 
 R escuing the most distrest ; 
 T hy " Temple" now is Heaven's bright rest. 
 4* 
 
42 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 DRYDEN. 
 
 D eep rolls on deep in thy majestic line. 
 
 R ich music and the stateliest march combine ; 
 
 Y et, who that hears its high harmonious strain 
 D eems not thy genius thou didst half profane? 
 E xhausting thy great power of song on themes 
 N ot worthy of its strong, effulgent beams. 
 
 REYNOLDS. 
 
 R are Painter ! whose unequall'd skill could trace 
 E ach light and shadow of the changeful face; 
 
 Y oung " Samuel's," now, beaming with piety, 
 
 N ow the proud " Banished Lord's" dark misery, 
 
 Or" Ugolino's" ghastly visage, wild, 
 
 L ooking stern horror on each starving child; 
 
 D elights not less of social sort were thine, 
 
 S uch as with Burke, or e'en with Johnson shine. 
 
 BURKE. 
 
 B rilliant thy genius 'mongst a brilliant throng; 
 U nique thy eloquence of pen and tongue; 
 R ome's Tully loftier flights could scarce command, 
 K indling thy soul to thoughts that matchless stand 
 E ver sublime and beautiful and grand. 
 
 H ow keen thy vision, e'en though reft of sight ! 
 
 U sing with double power the mind's clear light: 
 
 B ees, and their hives, thy curious ken has scanned, 
 
 E ach cell, with geometric wisdom planned, 
 
 R ich stores of honeyed knowledge thus at thy command. 
 
 CRABBE. 
 
 C opyist of Nature — simply, sternly true, — 
 R eal the scenes that in thy page we view. 
 A mid the huts where poor men lie" unknown, 
 B right humor or deep pathos thou hast thrown. 
 B ard of the " Borough" and the " Village, 1 
 E 'en haughty Byron owns he's charin'd by thee, 
 
 WALTER SCOTT. 
 
 W ondrous Wizard of the North, 
 A rmed with spells of potent worth ! 
 L ike to that greatest Bard of ours 
 T he mighty magic of thy powers : 
 E 'en thy bright fancy's offspring find 
 R esemblance to his myriad mind. 
 
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 43 
 
 8 uch the creations that we see — 
 
 C haracter, manners, life in thee — 
 
 f Scotia's deeds, a proud display, 
 
 T he glories of a bygone day; 
 
 T by genius foremost stands in all her long array. 
 
 WORPSWOKTH. 
 
 W andering, through many a year, 'mongst Cumbria's hills, 
 
 'er her wild fells, sweet vales, and sunny lakes, 
 
 R ieh stores of thought thy musing mind distils, 
 
 D ay-dreams of poesy thy soul awakes: — 
 
 S uch was thy life — a poet's life, I ween ; 
 
 W orshipper thou of Nature! every scene 
 
 f beauty stirred thy fancy's deeper mood, 
 R eflection calmed the current of thy blood : 
 T hus in the wide " Excursion" of thy mind, 
 
 H igh thoughts in words of worth we still may find. 
 
 IRVING. 
 
 1 n easy, natural, graceful charm of style, 
 
 R esembling Goldy's "Vicar," — free from guile: 
 
 V ein of rich humor through thy " Sketch-Book" flows. 
 . I magination her bright colors shows. 
 
 N o equal hast thou 'mongst thy brother band, 
 G enial thy soul, worthy our own loved land. 
 
 MACREADY. 
 
 M aster Tragedian ! worthy all our praise. 
 
 A ction and utterance such as bygone days 
 
 C ould oftener boast, were thine. Need we but name 
 
 R oman Virginius? while our Shakspeare's fame 
 
 E ver 'twas thy chief joy and pride to uprear, 
 
 A nd give us back Macbeth, Othello, Lear. 
 
 D elight to thousands oft thou gav'st, and now 
 
 Y ears of calm lettered ease 'tis thine to know. 
 
 LONGFELLOW. 
 
 L ays like thine have many a charm ; 
 
 ft thy themes the heart must warm. 
 
 N ow o'er Slavery's guilt and woes, 
 
 G rief and shame's deep hues it throws; 
 
 F ar up Alpine heights is heard 
 u E xcelsior," now the stirring word ; 
 "L ife's Psalm," now, onward is inviting, 
 
 L ongings for nobler deeds exciting ; 
 
 'er Britain now resounds thy name, 
 
 W hile States unborn shall swell thy fame. 
 
44 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 SOITHBY. 
 
 S erencly bright thy life's pure stream did glide, 
 
 n sweet romantic: Dcrwentwater'a side. 
 
 U nder great Skiddaw — there, in E|>ie lays, 
 
 T h<»u dreum'dst a poet's dreams of olden days, 
 
 II ow Madoe wandered o'er the Atlantie wave, 
 
 E astern Kehama, Roderic the brave, 
 
 Y ears cannot from our fondest memory lave. 
 
 MACAULAV. 
 
 M asterly critic! in whose brilliant style 
 
 A nd rich historic coloring breathes again — 
 
 C lothed in most picturesque costume the while — 
 
 A U the dim past, with all its bustling train. 
 
 U nder this vivid, eloquent painting, see 
 
 L ife given anew to our old history's page,* 
 
 A nd in thy stirring ballad poetry, 
 
 Y outh's dreams of ancient Rome once more our minds engage. 
 
 Oliver's impromptu. 
 Oliver, a sailor and patriot, with a merited reputation for 
 extempore rhyming, while on a visit to his cousin Benedict 
 Arnold, after the war, was asked by the latter to amuse a 
 party of English officers with some extemporaneous effusion, 
 whereupon he stood up and repeated the following Ernulphus 
 curse, which would have satisfied Dr. Slop* himself: — 
 
 B orn for a curse to virtue and mankind, 
 
 E arth's broadest realm ne'er knew so black a mind. 
 
 N ight's sable veil your crimes can never hide, 
 
 E ach one so great, 'twould glut historic tide. 
 
 D efunct, your cursed memory will live 
 
 I n all the glare that infamy can give. 
 
 C urses of ages will attend your name, 
 
 T raitors alone will glory in your shame. 
 
 A lmighty vengeance sternly waits to roll 
 
 R ivers of sulphur on your treacherous soul : 
 
 N ature looks shuddering back with conscious dread 
 
 n such a tarnished blot as she has made. 
 
 L et hell receive you, riveted in chains, 
 
 D oomed to the hottest focus of its flames. 
 
 * Tristram Shandy. 
 
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 45 
 
 ALLITERATIVE ACROSTIC. 
 
 TnE following alliterative acrostic is a gem in its way. Miss 
 Kitty Stephens was the celebrated London vocalist, and is now 
 the Dowager Countess of Essex : — 
 
 S he sings so soft, so sweet, so soothing still 
 
 T hat to the tone ten thousand thoughts there thrill; 
 
 E lysian ecstasies enchant each ear — 
 
 P leasure's pure pinions poise — prince, peasant, peer, 
 
 II ushinghigh by inns, Heaven hears her harmony, — 
 
 E arth's envy ends; enthralled each ear, each eye; 
 
 N umbers need ninefold nerve, or nearly name, 
 
 S oul-stirring Stephens' skill, sure seraphs siug the same. 
 
 CHRONOGRAMMATIC PASQUINADE. 
 
 On the election of Pope Leo X., in 1440, the following sati- 
 rical acrostic appeared, to mark the date 
 M c c c c x L. 
 Multi Cceci Cardinales Creaverunt Coecum Decimum (X) Leonem. 
 
 MONASTIC VERSE. 
 
 TnE merit of this fine specimen will be found in its being at 
 the same time acrostic, mexostic, and tclestic. 
 
 Inter cuncta micans Igniti sidera coell 
 
 ExpeHit tenehras E toto Phoelms ut orb 12; 
 
 Sic ciccas reinovet JESUS caliginis umhrnS, 
 
 Vivificansque simul Vcro pra>cordia motV, 
 
 Solem justitia) Sese probat esse beatiS. 
 
 The following translation preserves the acrostic and mesostio, 
 though not the telcstic form of the original: — 
 
 In glory see the rising sun, Illustrious orb of day, 
 
 Enlightening heaven's wide expanse, Expel night's gloom away. 
 6o light into the darkest soul, JESUS, Thou dost impart, 
 Uplifting Thy life-giving smiles Upon the deadened heart: 
 
 Sun Thou of Righteousness Divine, Sole King of Saints Thou art 
 
46 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 The figure of a fish carved on many of the monuments in 
 the Roman Catacombs, is *an emblematic acrostic, intended 
 formerly to point out the burial-place of a Christian, without 
 revealing the fact to the pagan persecutors. The Greek word 
 for fish is Ix^vq, which the Christians understood to mean Jesus 
 Christ, the Son of God, the Saviour, — the letters forming the 
 initials of the following Greek words : — 
 
 Itjgous — Jesus 
 
 Xptaroq — Christ, 
 
 0eou — of God, 
 
 Tioq — Son, 
 
 Iior-qp — Saviour. 
 
 NAPOLEON FAMILY. 
 
 The names of the male crowned heads of the extinct Napo- 
 leon dynasty form a remarkable acrostic : — 
 
 if apoleon, Emperor of the French. 
 
 I oseph, King of Spain. 
 
 H ieronymus, King of Westphalia. 
 
 I oachim, King of Naples. 
 
 L ouis, King of Holland. 
 
 RACHEL. 
 
 Rachel, on one occasion, received a most remarkable present. 
 It was a diadem, in antique style, adorned with six jewels. The 
 stones were so set as to spell, in acrostic style, the name of the 
 great artiste, and also to signify six of her principal roles, thus : 
 
 E uby, R oxana, 
 
 A methyst, A menaide, 
 
 C omelian, C amille, 
 
 H ematite, H ermione, 
 
 E merald, E milie, 
 
 L apis Lazuli, L aodice. 
 
 This mode of constructing a name or motto by the initial 
 letters of gems was formerly fashionable on wedding rings. 
 
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 47 
 
 MASONIC MEMENTO. 
 
 The following curious memento was written in the early part 
 of last century : — 
 
 M — Magnitude, Moderation, Magnanimity. 
 A — Affability, Affection, Attention. 
 S — Silence, Secrecy, Security. 
 — Obedience, Order, fficonomy. 
 N — Noble, Natural, Neighborly. 
 R — Rational, Reciprocative, Receptive. 
 Y— Yielding, Ypight (fixed), Yare (ready). 
 Which is explained thus : — 
 
 Masonry, of things, teaches how to attain their just Magnitude. 
 
 To inordinate affections the art of - - - Moderation. 
 
 It inspires the soul with true ... - - Magnanimity. 
 
 It also teaches us ----- - Affability. 
 
 To love each other with true - Affection, 
 
 And to pay to things sacred a just - Attention. 
 
 It instructs us how to keep - - - Silence, 
 
 To maintain - - - - - - - - Secrecy, 
 
 And preserve ------- Security ; 
 
 Also, to whom it is due, ----- Obedience, 
 
 To observe good - - - - - - Order, 
 
 And a commendable ----- GSconomy. 
 
 . It likewise teaches us how to be worthily - Noble, 
 
 Truly -------- Natural, 
 
 And without reserve ----- Neighborly. 
 
 It instils principles indisputably - Rational, 
 
 And forms in us a disposition - Reciprocative, 
 
 And -------- Receptive. 
 
 It makes us, to things indifferent, - - - Yielding, 
 
 To what is absolutely necessary, perfectly - Ypight, 
 
 And to do all that is truly good, most willingly Yare. 
 
 HEMPE. 
 
 Bacon says, " The trivial prophecy which I heard when I was 
 a child and Queen Elizabeth was in the flower of her years was — 
 
 When Hempe is spun 
 England's done; 
 
 whereby it was generally conceived that after the sovereigns 
 had reigned which had the letters of that word HEMPE, 
 (which were Henry, Edward, Mary, Philip, Elizabeth,) 
 England should come to utter confusion ; which, thanks be 
 to God, is verified in the change of the name, for that the 
 King's style is now no more of England, but of Britain" 
 
48 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 THE BREVITY OF HUMAN LIFE. 
 
 Bekoid, «*/«*.' our day* we upend.! 
 
 How vain they he, haw noon they end} 
 
 BEHOLD 
 
 How short a span 
 
 , Was long enough of old 
 
 To measure out the life of man ; 
 
 \ In those well-tempered days his time was then 
 
 Surveyed, cast up, and found but threescore years and tea. 
 
 ALAS! 
 
 What is all that ? 
 
 They come and slide and pass 
 
 Before my tongue can tell thee what. 
 
 The posts of time are swift, which having run 
 
 Their seven short stages o'er, their short-lived task is done. 
 
 OUR DAYS 
 
 Begun, we hend 
 
 To sleep, to antic plays 
 
 And toys, until the first stage end; 
 
 12 waning moons, twice 5 times told, we give 
 
 To unrecovered loss : we rather breathe than live. 
 
 WE SPEND 
 
 A ten years' breath 
 
 Before we apprehend 
 
 What 'tis to live in fear of death ; 
 
 Our childish dreams are filled with painted joys 
 
 Which please our sense, and waking prove but toys. 
 
 HOW VAIN, 
 
 How wretched is 
 
 Poor man, that doth remain 
 
 A slave to such a state as this ! 
 
 His days are short at longest; few at most; 
 
 They are but bad at best, yet lavished out, or lost 
 
 THEY BE 
 
 The secret springs 
 
 That make our minutes flee 
 
 On wings more swift than eagles' wings ! 
 
 Our life's a clock, and every gasp of breath 
 
 Breathes forth a warning grief, till time shall strike a death. 
 
 HOW SOON 
 
 Our new-born light 
 
 Attains to full -aged noon! 
 
 And this, how soon to gray-haired night; 
 
 •We spring, we bud, we blossom, and we blast, 
 
 Ere we can count our days, our days they flee so fast. 
 
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 49 
 
 THEY END 
 
 When scarce begun, 
 
 And ere we apprehend 
 
 That we begin to live, our life is done. 
 
 Man, count thy days ; and if they fly too fast 
 
 For thy dull thoughts to count, count every day the last. 
 
 A VALENTINE. 
 
 The reader, by taking the first letter of the first of the follow- 
 ing lines, the second letter of the second line, the thircfrof the 
 third, and so on to the end, can spell the name of the lady to 
 whom they were addressed by Edgar A. Poe. 
 
 For her this rhyme is penned whose luminous eyes, 
 
 BRightly expressive as the twins of Loeda, 
 ShAll find her own sweet name, that nestling lies 
 
 UpoN the page, enwrapped from every reader. 
 SearCh narrowly the lines ! — they hold a treasure 
 
 DivinE — a talisman — an amulet 
 That muSt be worn at heart. Search well the measure— 
 
 The wordS — the syllables ! Do not forget 
 The triviAlest point, or you may lose your labor ! 
 
 And yet theRe is in this no Gordian knot 
 Which one miGht not undo without a sabre, 
 
 If one could mErely comprehend the plot. 
 Enwritten upoN the leaf where now are peering 
 
 Eyes scintillaTing soul, there lie perdua 
 Three eloquent wOrds, oft uttered in the hearing 
 
 Of poets, by poets — aS the name's a poet's, too. 
 Its letters, althouGh naturally lying 
 
 Like the knight PintO — Mendez Ferdinando— - 
 Still form a synonym fOr Truth. Cease trying ! 
 
 You will not read the riDdle, though you do the best you can do. 
 
 ANAGRAMS. 
 
 But with still more disordered march advance 
 (Nor march it seemed, but wild fantastic dance) 
 The uncouth Anagrams, distorted train, 
 Shifting in double mazes o'er the plain. — Scribleriad. 
 
 Camden, in a chapter in his Remains, on this frivolous and 
 now almost obsolete intellectual exercise, defines Anagrams to 
 D 5 
 
 
50 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 be a dissolution of a name into its letters, as its elements; and 
 a new connection into words is formed by their transposition, if 
 possible, without addition, subtraction, or change of the letters : 
 and the words should make a sentence applicable to the person 
 or thing named. The anagram is complimentary or satirical ; 
 it may contain some allusion to an event, or describe some per- 
 sonal characteristic. Thus, Sir Thomas Wiat bore his own 
 designation in his name : — 
 
 Wiat— A Wit. 
 
 Astronomer may be made Moon-star er, and Telegraph, Great 
 Help. Funeral may be converted into Real Fun, and Presby- 
 terian may be made Best in prayer. In stone may be found 
 tones, notes, or seton ; and (taking j and v as duplicates of i 
 and u) the letters of the alphabet may be arranged so as to 
 form the words back, frown' d, phlegm, quiz, and Styx. Roma 
 may be transposed into amor, armo, Maro, mora, oram, or 
 ramo. The following epigram occurs in a book printed in 1660 : 
 
 Hate and debate Rome through the world has spread ; 
 Yet Roma amor is, if backward read : 
 Then is it strange Rome hate should foster? No; 
 For out of backward love all hate doth grow. 
 
 It is said that the cabalists among the Jews were professed 
 anagrammatists, the third part of their art called themuru 
 (changing) being nothing more than finding the hidden and 
 mystical meaning in names, by transposing and differently 
 combining the letters of those names. Thus, of the letters of 
 Noah's name in Hebrew, they made grace ; and of the Messiah 
 they made he shall rejoice. 
 
 Lycophron, a Greek writer who lived three centuries before 
 the Christian era, records two anagrams in his poem on the 
 siege of Troy entitled Cassandra. One is on the name of 
 Ptolemy Philadelphus, in whose reign Lycophron lived : — 
 
 HTOAEMAI2. AIIO MEAIT02— Made of honey. 
 
 The othei is on Ptolemy's queen, Arsinoe: — 
 
 AP2INOE. EPA2 ION— Juno's violet. 
 
ALPHABETICAL WIIIMS. 51 
 
 Eustachius informs us that this practice was common among 
 the Greeks, and gives numerous examples ; such, for instance, 
 as the transposition of the word Apery, virtue, into Eparrj, lovely. 
 
 Owen, the Welsh epigrammatist, sometimes called the British 
 Martial, lived in the golden age of anagrammatism. The 
 following are fair specimens of his ingenuity : — 
 
 Galenus — Angelus. 
 Angelus es bonus anne malus ; Galene ! salutis 
 Humana custos, angelus ergo bonus, 
 
 De Fide — Anagramma quincuplex. 
 Recta fides, certa est, arcet mala schismata, non est, 
 Sicut Greta, fides fictilis, arte caret. 
 
 Brevitas — Anagramma triplex. 
 Perspicua brevitate nihil magis afficit aures 
 In verbis, ubi res postulat, esto brevis. 
 
 In a New Help to Discourse, 12mo, London, 1684, occurs 
 an anagram with a very quaint epigrammatic " exposition :" — 
 
 TOAST — A SOTT. 
 
 A toast is like a sot ; or, what is most 
 Comparative, a sot is like a toast; 
 For when their substances in liquor sink, 
 Both properly are said to be in drink. 
 
 Cotton Mather was once described as distinguished for — 
 
 ** Care to guide his flook and feed his lambs 
 By words, works, prayers, psalms, alms, and anagrams." 
 
 Sylvester, in dedicating to his sovereign his translation of 
 Du Bartas, rings the following \pyal change on the name of his 
 
 liege : — 
 
 James Stuart — A just master. 
 
 Of the poet Waller, the old anagrammatist said : — 
 
 His brows need not with Latorel to be bound, 
 Since in his name with Lawrel he is crowned. 
 
 The author of an extraordinary work on heraldry was thus 
 
 expressively complimented : — 
 
 Randle Holmes. 
 Lo, Men's Herald { 
 
52 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 The following on the name of the mistress of Charles IX. of 
 France is historically true : — 
 
 Marie Touchet, 
 Je charme tout. 
 
 In the assassin of Henry III., 
 
 Frere Jacques Clement, 
 they discovered 
 
 C'est l'enfer qui m'a cr6e. 
 
 The French appear to have practised this art with peculiar 
 facility. A French poet, deeply in love, in one day sent his 
 mistress, whose name was Magdclaine, three dozen of ana- 
 grams on her single name. 
 
 The father Pierre de St. Louis became a Carmelite monk on 
 discovering that his lay name — 
 
 Ludovicus Bartelemi — 
 yielded the anagram — 
 
 Carmelo se devovet. 
 
 Of all the extravagances occasioned by the anagrammatio 
 fever when at its height, none equals what is recorded of an 
 infatuated Frenchman in the seventeenth century, named Andre* 
 Pujom, who, finding in his name the anagram Pendu d Riom, 
 (the seat of criminal justice in the province of Auvergne,) felt 
 impelled to fulfill his destiny, committed a capital offence in 
 Auvergne, and was actually hung in the place to which the 
 omen pointed. 
 
 The anagram on General Monk, afterwards Duke of Albe- 
 marle, on the restoration of Charles II., is also a chronogram, 
 including the date of that important event : — 
 Georgius Monke, Dux de Aumarle, 
 Ego Regem reduxi Ano. Sa. MDCLW. 
 
 The mildness of the government of Elizabeth, contrasted with 
 her intrepidity against the Iberians, is thus picked out of her 
 title : she is made the English lamb and the Spanish lioness. 
 
 Eiizabetha Regina Angliae, 
 
 Anglis Agna, Hiberi® Lea. 
 
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 53 
 
 The unhappy history of Mary Queen of Scots, the depriva- 
 tion of her kingdom, and her violent death, are expressed in 
 the following Latin anagram : — 
 
 Maria Steuarda Scotorum Regina. 
 Trusa vi Regnis, morte amara cado. 
 
 In Taylor's Suddaine Turne of Fortune's Wheele, occurs the 
 following very singular example : — 
 
 But, holie father, I am certifyed 
 
 That they your power and policye deride; 
 
 And how of you they make an anagram, 
 
 The best and bitterest that the wits could frame. 
 
 As thus : 
 JSupremus Pontifex Romanus. 
 
 Annagramma : 
 non sum super petram Jixus. 
 
 The anagram on the well-known bibliographer, William 
 Oldys, may claim a place among the first productions of this 
 class. It was by Oldys himself, and was found by his execu- 
 tors among his MSS. 
 
 In word and will i am a friend to you ; 
 And one friend old is worth a hundred new. 
 
 The following anagram, preserved in the files of the First 
 Church in Roxbury, was sent to Thomas Dudley, a governor 
 and major-general of the colony of Massachusetts, in 1645. 
 He died in 1653, aged 77. 
 
 THOMAS DUDLEY. 
 
 Ah ! old must dye. 
 A death's head on your hand you neede not weare, 
 A dying head you on your shoulders beare. 
 You need not one to mind you, you must dye, 
 You in your name may spell mortality e. 
 Younge men may dye, but old men, these dye must ; 
 'Twill not be long before you turne to dust. 
 Before you turne to dust ! ah ! must ! old ! dye ! 
 What shall younge doe when old in dust doe lye? 
 When old in dust lye, what N. England doe ? 
 When old in dust doe lye, it's best dye too. 
 5* 
 
54 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 In an Elegy written by Kev. John Cotton on the death of 
 John Alden, a magistrate of the old Plymouth Colony, who 
 died in 1687, the following phonetic anagram occurs : — 
 John Alden — End al on hi. 
 
 The Calvinistic opponents of Arminius made of his name a 
 not very creditable Latin anagram : — 
 
 Jacobua Arminius, 
 
 Vani orbis amicus ; 
 
 (The friend of a false world.) 
 
 while his friends, taking advantage of the Dutch mode of writ- 
 ing it, iZaraiinius, hurled back the conclusive argument, 
 
 Habui curam Sionis. 
 (I have had charge of Zion.) 
 
 Perhaps the most extraordinary anagram to be met with, is 
 that on the Latin of Pilate's question to the Saviour, " What 
 is truth?"— St. John, xviii. 38. 
 
 Quid est Veritas ? 
 
 Est vir qui adest. 
 
 (It is the man who is before you.) 
 
 Live, vile, and evil, have the self-same letters; 
 He lives hut vile, whom evil holds in fetters. 
 
 If you transpose what ladies wear — Veil, 
 
 'Twill plainly show what bad folks are — Vile. 
 i Again if you transpose the same, 
 
 You'll see an ancient Hebrew name — Levi. 
 
 Change it again, and it will show 
 
 What all on earth desire to do — Live. 
 
 Transpose the letters yet once more, 
 
 What bad men do you'll then explore — Evil. 
 
 PERSIST. 
 
 A lady, being asked by a gentleman to join in the bonds of 
 matrimony with him, wrote the word " Stripes," stating at 
 the time that the letters making up the word stripes could be 
 changed so as to make an answer to his question. The result 
 proved satisfactory. 
 
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 55 
 
 When / cry that I sin is transposed, it is clear, 
 My resource Christianity soon will appear. 
 
 The two which follow are peculiarly appropriate : — 
 
 Florence Nightingale, John Abernethy, 
 
 Flit on, charming angel. Johnny the bear. 
 
 TIME 
 
 ITEM 
 
 METI 
 
 EMIT 
 This word, Time, is the only word in the English language 
 which can be thus arranged, and the different transpositions 
 thereof are all at the same time Latin words. These words, in 
 English as well as in Latin, may be read either upward or 
 downward. Their signification as Latin words is as follows : — 
 Time — fear thou; Item — likewise; Meti — to be measured; 
 Emit — he buys. 
 
 Some striking German and Latin anagrams have been made 
 of Luther's name, of which the following are specimens. 
 Doctor Martinus Lutherus transposed, gives Rom, Luther 
 ist der schwan. In D. Martinus Lutherus may be found ut 
 turris das lumen (like a tower you give light). In Martinus 
 Lutherus we have vir multa struens (the man who builds up 
 much), and ter matris vulnus (he gave three wounds to the 
 mother church). Martin Luther will make lehrt in Armuth 
 (he teaches in poverty). 
 
 Jablonski welcomed the visit of Stanislaus, King of Poland, 
 with his noble relatives of the house of Lescinski, to the an- 
 nual examination of the students under his care, at the gymna- 
 sium of Lissa, with a number of anagrams, all composed of the 
 letters in the words Domiis Lescinia. The recitations closed 
 with a heroic dance, in which each youth carried a shield in- 
 scribed with a legend of the letters. After a new evolution, the 
 boys exhibited the words Ades incolumis; next, Omnis e$ 
 lucida ; next, Omne sis lucid a ; fifthly, Mane sidus loci; 
 sixthly, Sis columna Dei; and at the conclusion, / scande 
 solium. 
 
56 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 A TELEGRAM ANAGRAMMATISED. 
 
 Though but a late germ, with a wondrous elation, 
 
 Yet like a great elm it o'ershadows each station. 
 
 Et malgre the office is still a large fee mart, 
 
 So joyous the crowd was, you'd thought it a glee mart; 
 
 But they raged at no news from the nation's belligerent, 
 
 And I said let'm rage, since the air is refrigerant. 
 
 I then met large numbers, whose drink was not sherbet, 
 
 Who scarce could look up when their eyes the gas-glare met; 
 
 So when I had learned from commercial adviser 
 
 That mere gait for sand was the great fertilizer, 
 
 I bade Mr. Eaglet, although 'twas ideal, 
 
 Get some from the clay-pit, and so get'm real; 
 
 Then, just as my footstep was leaving the portal, 
 
 I met an elm targe on a great Highland mortal, 
 
 With the maid he had woo'd by the loch's flowery margelet, 
 
 And row'd in his boat, which for rhyme's sake call bargelet, 
 
 And blithe to the breeze would have set the sail daily, 
 
 But it blew at that rate which the sailors term gale, aye j 
 
 I stumbled against the fair bride he had married, 
 
 When a merle gat at large from a cage that she carried; 
 
 She gave a loud screech ! and I could not well blame her, 
 
 But lame as I was, I'd no wish to get lamer; 
 
 So I made my escape — ne'er an antelope fleeter, 
 
 Lest my verse, like the poet, should limp through lag metre. 
 
 Anagrams are sometimes found in old epitaphial inscriptions. 
 For example, at St. Andrews : — 
 
 Catharine Carstairs, 
 Ca8ta rara Christiana. 
 Chaste, rare Christian. 
 
 At Newenham church, Northampton : — 
 
 William Thorneton. 
 little worth in man. 
 
 At Keynsham : — 
 
 Mrs. Joane Flover. 
 Love for anie. 
 
 At Mannington, 1631 : — 
 
 Katherine Lougher, 
 Lower taken higher. 
 
ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 57 
 
 Maitland has the following curious specimen :— 
 How much there is in a word — monastery, says I : why, that 
 makes nasty Rome; and when I looke4 at it again, it was evi- 
 dently more nasty — a very vile place or mean sty. Ay, mon- 
 ster, says I, you are found out. What monster ? said the Pope. 
 What monster ? said I. Why, your own image there, stone 
 Mary. That, he replied, is my one star, my Stella Maris, my 
 treasure, my guide ! No, said I, you should rather say, my 
 treason. Yet no arms, said he. No, quoth I, quiet may suit 
 best, as long as you have no mastery, I mean money arts. No, 
 6aid he again, those are Tory means ; and Dan, my senator, 
 will baffle them. I don't know that, said I, but I think one 
 might make no mean story out of this one word — monastery. 
 
 CHRONOGRAMS. 
 
 Addison, in his remarks on the different species of false wit, 
 (Spect. No. 60,) thus notices the chronogram. "This kind 
 of wit appears very often on modern medals, especially those 
 of Germany, when they represent in the inscription the year in 
 which they were coined. Thus we see on a medal of Gustavus 
 Adolphus the following words : — 
 
 ChrIstVs DuX ergo trIVMphVs. 
 If you take the pains to pick the figures out of the several 
 words, and range them in their proper order, 'you will find they 
 amount to MDCXVVVII, or 1627, the year in which the 
 medal was stamped; for as some of the letters distinguish 
 themselves from the rest and overtop their fellows, they are to 
 be considered in a double capacity, both as letters and as 
 figures. Your laborious German wits will turn over a whole 
 dictionary for one of these ingenious devices. A man would 
 think they were searching after an apt classical term ; but in- 
 stead of that they are looking out a word that has an L, an M, 
 or a D ; in it. When therefore we meet with any of these in- 
 
58 ALPHABETICAL WHIMS. 
 
 scriptions, we are not so much to look in them for the thought 
 as for the year of the Lord." 
 
 Apropos of this humorous allusion to the Germanesque 
 character of the chronogram, it is worthy of notice that Euro- 
 pean tourists find far more numerous examples of it in the in- 
 scriptions on the churches on the banks of the Rhine than in 
 any other part of the continent. 
 
 On the title-page of " Hugo Grotius his Sophompaneas" 
 the date, 1652, is not given in the usual form, but is included 
 in the name of the author, thus : — 
 
 franCIs goLDsMIth. 
 
 Howell, in his German Diet, after narrating the death of 
 Charles, son of Philip II. of Spain, says : — 
 
 If you desire to know the year, this chronogram will tell you : 
 
 pILIVs ante DIeM patrIos InqVIrIt In annos. 
 MDLVVIIIIIIII, or 1568. 
 
 The following commemorates the death of Queen Elizabeth : — 
 My Day Is Closed In Immortality. (1603.) 
 
 A German book was issued in 1706, containing fac-similes 
 and descriptions of more than two hundred medals coined in 
 honor of Martin Luther. An inscription on one of them ex- 
 presses the date of his death, 1546, as follows: — 
 
 ECCe nVnc MorltVs IVstVs In paCe ChrlstI exItV tVto et beato. 
 
 The most extraordinary attempt of this kind that has yet 
 been made, bears the following title : — 
 
 Chronographica Gratulatio in Felicissimum adventum Se- 
 renissimi Cardinalis Ferdinandi, Hispaniarum Infantis, a 
 Collegio Soc. Jesu. 
 
 A dedication to St. Michael and an address to Ferdinand are 
 followed by one hundred hexameters, every one of which is a 
 chronogram, and each gives the same result, 1634. The first 
 and last verses are subjoined as a specimen. 
 
 AngeLe CssLIVogI MIChaeL LUX UnICa CaetTJs. 
 VersICULIs InCLUsa, fLUent In sseCULa CentUM. 
 
PALINDROMES. 59 
 
 RECURRENT, RECIPROCAL, OR REVERSIBLE WORDS AND 
 VERSES. 
 
 The only fair specimen we can find of reciprocal words, or 
 those which, read backwards or forwards, are the same, is the 
 following couplet, which, according to an old book, cost the 
 author a world of foolish labor : — 
 
 Odo tenet mulum, madidam mulum tenet Odo. 
 
 Anna tenet mappam, madidam mappam tenet Anna. 
 
 The following admired reciprocal lines, addressed to St. Mar- 
 tin by Satan, according to the legend, the reader will find on 
 perusal, either backwards or forwards, precisely the same : — 
 
 Signa te signa ; temere me tangis et angis; 
 
 Roma tibi subito motibus ibit amor. 
 [St. Martin having given up the profession of a soldier, and having been 
 made Bishop of Tours, when prelates neither kept carriages nor servants, 
 had occasion to go to Rome, in order to consult the Pope upon ecclesiastical 
 matters. As he was walking along the road he met the devil, who politely 
 accosted him, and ventured to observe how fatiguing and indecorous it was 
 for him to perform so long a journey on foot, like the commonest pilgrim. 
 The Saint understood the drift of Old Nick's address, and commanded him 
 immediately to become a beast of burden, or jumentum; which the devil 
 did in a twinkling by assuming the shape of a mule. The Saint jumped 
 upon the fiend's back, who at first trotted cheerfully along, but soon slack- 
 ened his pace. The bishop of course had neither whip nor spurs, but wa3 
 possessed of a much more powerful stimulus, for, says the legend, he made 
 the sign of the cross, and the smarting devil instantly galloped away. Soon 
 however, and naturally euough, the father of sin returned to sloth and ob- 
 stinacy, and Martin hurried him again with repeated signs of the cross, 
 till, twitched and stung to the quick by those crossings so hateful to him, 
 the vexed and tired reprobate uttered the foregoing distich in a rage, 
 meaning, Cross, cross yourself; you annoy and vex me without necessity; for 
 owing to my exertions, Rome, the object of your wishes, icill soon be near.'] 
 
 The Palindrome changes the sense in the backward reading; 
 the Versus Cancrinus retains the sense in both instances un- 
 changed, as in this instance : — 
 
 Bei Leid lieh stets Heil die Lieb. 
 (In trouble comfort is lent by love.) 
 
60 PALINDROMES. 
 
 Similarly recurrent is the lawyer's motto,— 
 
 Si nummi inimunis, 
 
 translated by Camden, " Give me my fee, I warrant you free." 
 
 The Greek inscription on the mosque of St. Sophia, in Con- 
 stantinople,* 
 
 Ni<l'ov d.vo[njiiara (xij fiovav oipiv* 
 
 presents the same words, whether read from left to right, or 
 from right to left. So also the expressions in English, — 
 
 Madam, I'm Adam. (Adam to Eve.) 
 
 Name no one man. 
 
 Able was I ere I saw Elba. (Napoleon loq.) 
 
 Snug & raw was I ere I saw war & guns. 
 
 Red rum did emit revel ere Lever time did murder. 
 
 Red root put up to order. 
 
 Trash ? even interpret Nineveh's art. 
 
 Lewd did I live, evil I did dwel. 
 
 Draw pupil's lip upward. 
 
 This enigmatical line surrounds a figure of the sun in the 
 mosaic pavement of Sa. Maria del Fiori, at Florence : — 
 En giro torte sol ciclos et rotor igne. 
 
 These lines are supposed to be addressed to a young man de- 
 tained at Home by a love affair : — 
 
 Roma ibi tibi sedes — ibi tibi Amor; 
 Roma etsi te terret et iste Amor, 
 Ibi etsi vis te non esse — sed es ibi, 
 Roma te tenet et Amor. 
 
 At Rome you live — at Rome you love ; 
 
 From Rome that love may you affright, 
 Although you'd leave, you never move, 
 
 For love and Rome both bar your flight. 
 
 Dean Swift wrote a letter to Dr. Sheridan, composed of Latin 
 words strung together as mere gibberish but each word, when 
 
 Meaning in substance, Purify the mind as well as the body. 
 
TALINDROMES. 61 
 
 read backwards, makes passable English. Take for example 
 the following short sentences : — 
 
 Mi sana. Odioso ni mus rem. Moto ima os illud dama nam ? 
 
 (I'm an ass. so I do in summer. Tom, am I so dull, I a mad man ?) 
 
 Inscription for a hospital, paraphrased from the Psalms :— 
 
 Acide me malo, sed non desola me, medica. 
 
 The ingenious Latin verses subjoined are reversible verbally 
 only, not literally, and will be found to embody opposite mean- 
 ings by commencing with the last word and reading back- 
 wards : — 
 
 Prospicimus modo, quod durabunt tempore longo, 
 
 Foedera, nee patriae pax cito diffugiet. 
 
 Diffugiet cito pax patriae, nee foedera longo, 
 Tempore durabunt, quod modo prospicimus. 
 
 The following hexameter from Santa Marca Novella, Flo- 
 rence, refers to the sacrifice of Abel (Gen. iv. 4). Reversed, 
 it is a pentameter, and refers to the sacrifice of Cain (iv. 3). 
 
 Sacrum pingue dabo non macrum sacrificabo, 
 Sacrificabo macrum non dabo pingue sacrum. 
 
 The subjoined distich arose from the following circumstance. 
 A tutor, after having explained to his class one of the odes of 
 Horace, undertook to dictate the same in hexameter verses, as 
 an exercise (as he said). It cost him considerable trouble : he 
 hesitated several times, and occasionally substituted other words, 
 but finally succeeded. Some of his scholars thought he would 
 not accomplish his task ; others maintained that, having begun, 
 it was a point of honor to complete it. 
 
 Retro mente labo, non metro continuabo ; 
 Continuabo metro ; non labo mente retro. 
 
 Addison mentions an epigram called the Witches' Prayer, 
 that "fell into verse when it was read either backward or for- 
 ward, excepting only that it cursed one way, and blessed the 
 
 other/' 
 
 6 
 
62 PALINDROMES. 
 
 One of the most remarkable palindromes on record is the 
 following. Its distinguishing peculiarity is that the first letter 
 of each successive word unites to spell the firstr word ; the 
 second letter of each, the second word ; and so on throughout j 
 and the same will be found precisely true on reversal. 
 
 SATOR AREPO TENET OPERA ROTAS. 
 
 But the neatest and prettiest specimen that has yet appeared 
 comes from a highly cultivated lady who was attached to the 
 court of Queen Elizabeth. Having been banished from the 
 court on suspicion of too great familiarity with a nobleman 
 then high in favor, the lady adopted this device, — the moon 
 covered by a cloud, — and the following palindrome for a 
 
 motto : — 
 
 ABLATA AT ALBA. 
 
 (Secluded but pure.) 
 
 The merit of this kind of composition was never in any 
 example so heightened by appropriateness and delicacy of 
 sentiment. 
 
 Paschasius composed the recurrent epitaph on Henry IV. : — 
 
 Area serenum me gere regem, munere sacra, 
 Solem, areas, animos, omina sacra, meloa. 
 
 A very curious continuous series of palindromes was printed 
 in Vienna in 1802. It was written in ancient Greek by a 
 modern Greek named Ambrosius, who called it Ildtrj/xa xapxmxbv. 
 It contains 455 lines, every one of which is a literal palin- 
 drome. A few are selected at random, as examples : — 
 
 'I(to iraai Si; re yn, 2t> 6 Mow^yen;? ij airaau 
 IStav iitTM p£\i<pG)vov f c5 <pi\t, Maxrav atv. 
 'S, \aKU)viK€ f at fiovo) r&> Nope, at Kiv<ji koXco. 
 'Apcra nriycure at aa yr\ varepa. 
 Y.b}Tr]p av too, u iXst §tt Xfw oj tv$ prjrax. 
 
 The following line is expressive of the sentiments of a 
 Roman Catholic ; read backwards, of those of a Huguenot : — 
 Patruna dicta probo, nee sacris belligerabo. 
 Belligerabo saeris, nee probo dicta patrum. 
 
PALINDROMES. 63 
 
 These lines, written to please a group of youthful folk, 
 serve to show that our English tongue is as capable of being 
 twisted into uncouth shapes as is the Latin, if any one will 
 take the trouble : — 
 
 One winter's eve, around the fire, a cozy group we sat, 
 Engaged, as was our custom old, in after-dinner chat; 
 Small-talk it was, no doubt, because the smaller folk were there, 
 And they, the young monpolists ! absorbed the lion's share. 
 Conundrums, riddles, rebuses, cross-questions, puns atrocious, 
 Taxed all their ingenuity, till Peter the precocious — 
 Old head on shoulders juvenile — cried, "Now for a new task: 
 Let's try our hand at Palindromes !" "Agreed! But first," we ask, 
 "Pray, Peter, what are Palindromes?" The forward imp replied, 
 " A Palindrome 's a string of words of sense or meaning void, 
 Which reads both ways the same : and here, with your permission, 
 I'll cite some half a score of samples, lacking all precision 
 (But held together by loose rhymes, to test my definition): — 
 
 "A milksop, jilted by his lass, or wandering in his wits, 
 Might murmur, 'Stiff, dairy -man, in a myriad of Jits!' 
 
 "A limner by photography dead-beat in competition, 
 Thus grumbled, 'No, it is opposed ; art sees trade's opposition !' 
 
 "A nonsense-loving nephew might his soldier-uncle dun 
 
 With ' Now stop, major-general, are negro jam-pots won V 
 "A supercilious grocer, if inclined that way, might snub 
 
 A child with 'But regusa store, babe, rots a sugar-tub.' 
 " Thy spectre, Alexander, is a fortress, cried Hephaestion. 
 
 Great A. said, 'No, it's a bar of gold, a bad log for a bastion !' 
 " A timid creature, fearing rodents — mice and such small fry — 
 
 ' Stop, Syrian, I start at rats in airy spots,' might cry. 
 "A simple soul, whose wants are few, might say, with hearty zest, 
 1 Desserts I desire not, so long no lost one rise distressed.' 
 
 "A stern Canadian parent might in earnest, not in fun, 
 Exclaim, 'No sot nor Ottawa law at Toronto, son !' 
 
 " A crazy dentist might declare, as something strange or new, 
 
 That 'Paget saio an Irish tooth, sir, in a waste gap V True ! 
 "A surly student, hating sweets, might answer with elan, 
 'Name tarts? no, medieval slave, I demonstrate man!' 
 
 "He who in Nature's bitters findeth sweet food every day, 
 'Eureka ! till I pull up ill I take rue,' well might say." 
 
6-1 EQUIVOQUE. 
 
 <#pti)ociue. 
 
 COPY OF A LETTER WRITTEN BY CARDINAL RICHELIEU TO TIIE 
 FRENCH AMBASSADOR AT ROME. 
 
 
 
 +4 O B ir n> 
 
 a> o 
 
 03. cT 2 * g tf - 5 . g 
 
 » cr c «>5„ hH b- ^ b .<*- B s» ©ex. 
 
 B M 3 o ? » s - 2. a p er c»^2. ^ o <*• p cd 
 CD D<s°d5E e 3gf s ccBS'S-?;- c+ ='|i'' 
 
 "mS^Scdo^^ cd 3 <*- % -s ~ £- b-o^S tr p 
 
 ?J © p o, co o cdo O h. 5 ^ to m 3 g CO J 
 
 <3 ^ ? p 5*. Sag b- g, a- g. &: J 2> © § B „ 1 o &. g; 
 
 g § g g-P s-5 g-^JLs^ Scg^^i? E.P£I^ 
 
EQUIVOQUE. 65 
 
 A LOVE-LETTER. 
 
 The reader, after perusing it, will please read it again, com- 
 mencing on the first line, then the third and fifth, and so on, 
 reading each alternate line to the end. 
 
 To Miss M . 
 
 — The great love I have hitherto expressed for you 
 
 is false and I find my indifference towards you 
 — increases daily. The more I see of you, the more 
 
 you appear in my eyes an object of contempt. 
 — I feel myself every way disposed and determined 
 
 to hate you. Believe me, I never had an intention 
 —to offer you my hand. Our last conversation has 
 
 left a tedious insipidity, which has by no means 
 — given me the most exalted idea of your character. 
 
 Your temper would make me extremely unhappy 
 -and were we united, I should experience nothing but 
 
 the hatred of my parents added to the anything but 
 — pleasure in living with you. I have indeed a heart 
 
 to bestow, but I do not wish you to imagine it 
 — at your service. I could not give it to any one more 
 
 inconsistent and capricious than yourself, and less 
 — capable to do honor to my choice and to my family. 
 
 Yes, Miss, I hope you will be persuaded that 
 — I speak sincerely, and you will do me a favor 
 
 to avoid me. I shall excuse you taking the trouble 
 — to answer this. Tour letters are always full of 
 
 impertinence, and you have not a shadow of 
 — wit and good sense. Adieu ! adieu ! believe me 
 
 so averse to you, that it is impossible for me even 
 — to be your most affectionate friend and humble 
 
 servant. L 
 
 INGENIOUS SUBTERFUGE. 
 
 A young lady newly married, being obliged to show to her 
 husband all the letters she wrote, sent the following to an inti- 
 mate friend. The key is, to read the first and then every 
 alternate line only. 
 
 —I cannot be satisfied, my dearest friend ! 
 
 blest as I am in the matrimonial state, 
 —unless I pour into your friendly bosom, 
 
 which has ever been in unison with mine, 
 — the various sensations which swell 
 E 6* 
 
66 EQUIVOQUE. 
 
 with the liveliest emotion of pleasure, 
 — my almost bursting heart. I tell you my dear 
 
 husband is the most amiable of men, 
 —I have now been married seven week3, and 
 
 never have found the least reason to 
 —repent the day that joined us. My husband is 
 
 both in person and manners far from resembling 
 —ugly, cross, old, disagreeable, and jealous 
 
 monsters, who think by confining to secure — 
 — a wife, it is his maxim to treat as a 
 
 bosom friend and confidant, and not as a 
 — plaything, or menial slave, the woman 
 
 chosen to be his companion. Neither party 
 —he says, should always obey implicitly; 
 
 but each yield to the other by turns. 
 — An ancient maiden aunt, near seventy, 
 
 a cheerful, venerable, and pleasant old lady, 
 —lives in the house with us ; she is the de- 
 light of both young and old; she is ci- 
 — vil to all the neighborhood round, 
 
 generous and charitable to the poor. 
 — I am convinced my husband loves nothing more 
 
 than he does me ; he flatters me more 
 — than a glass ; and his intoxication 
 
 (for so I must call the excess of his love) 
 — often makes me blush for the unworthiness 
 
 of its object, and wish I could be more deserving 
 —of the man whose name I bear. To 
 
 say all in one word, my dear, and to 
 — crown the whole — my former gallant lover 
 
 is now my indulgent husband ; my husband 
 —is returned, and I might have had 
 
 a prince without the felicity I find in 
 — him. Adieu ! may you be blest as I am un- 
 able to wish that I could be more 
 — happy. 
 
 DOUBLE-FACED CREED. 
 
 The following cross-reading from a history of Popery, pub- 
 lished in 1679, and formerly called in New England The 
 Jesuits' Creed, will suit either Catholic or Protestant accord- 
 ingly as the lines are read downward in single columns or 
 across the double columns : — 
 
EQUIVOQUE. 67 
 
 Pro fide teneo sana Quae docet Anglicana, 
 
 Affirmat quae Romana Videntur mihi vana. 
 
 Supremus quando rex est Turn plebs est fortunata, 
 
 Erraticus turn Grex est Cum caput fiat papa. 
 
 Altari cum ornatur Cotnmunio fit inanis, 
 
 Populus turn beatur Cum mensa vina panis. 
 
 Asini nomen meruit Hunc morem qui non capit, 
 
 Missam qui deseruit Catholicus est et sapit 
 
 I hold for faith What England's church allows, 
 
 "What Rome's church saith, My conscience disavows. 
 
 Where the king is head The flock can take no shame, 
 
 The flock's misled, Who hold the pope supreme. 
 
 Where the altar's drest The worship's scarce divine, 
 
 The people's blest, Whose table's bread and wine. 
 
 He's but an ass Who their communion flies, 
 
 Who shuns the mass, Is Catholic and wise. 
 
 REVOLUTIONARY VERSES. 
 
 The author of the following Revolutionary double entendre, 
 which originally appeared in a Philadelphia newspaper, is un- 
 known. It may be read in three different ways, — 1st. Let the 
 whole be read in the order in which it is written ; 2d. Then 
 the lines downward on the left of each comma in every line ; 
 and 3d. In the same manner on the right of each comma. By 
 the first reading it will be observed that the Revolutionary cause 
 is condemned, and by the others, it is encouraged and lauded : — 
 
 Hark! hark! the trumpet sounds, the din of war's alarms, 
 
 O'er seas and solid grounds, doth call us all to arms ; 
 
 Who for King George doth stand, their honors soon shall shine; 
 
 Their ruin is at hand, who with the Congress join. 
 
 The acts of Parliament, in them I much delight, 
 
 I hate their cursed intent, who for the Congress fight, 
 
 The Tories of the day, they are my daily toast, 
 
 They soon will sneak away, who Independence boast; 
 
 Who non-resistance hold, they have my hand and heart. 
 
 May they for slaves be sold, who act a Whiggish part; 
 
 On Mansfield, North, and Bute, may daily blessings pour, 
 
 Confusion and dispute, on Congress evermore ; 
 
 To North and British lord, may honors still be done, 
 
 I wish a block or cord, to General Washington. 
 
68 
 
 EQUIVOQUE. 
 
 THE HOUSES OF STUART AND HANOVER. 
 
 I love with all my heart 
 The Hanoverian part 
 And for that settlement 
 My conscience gives consent 
 Most righteous is the cause 
 To fight for George's laws 
 It is my mind and heart 
 Though none will take my part 
 
 The Tory party here 
 Most hateful do appear 
 I ever have denied 
 To be on James's side 
 To fight for such a king 
 Will England's ruin bring 
 In this opinion I 
 Resolve to live and die. 
 Lanadowne MSS. 852 
 
 THE NEW REGIME. 
 
 The following equivoque was addressed to a republican at 
 the commencement of the French Revolution, in reply to the 
 question, " What do you think of the new constitution V 
 
 A la nouvelle loi 
 
 Je renonce dans l'ame 
 
 Comme Gpreuve do ma foi 
 
 Je crois celle qu'on blame 
 
 Dieu vous donne la paix 
 
 Noblesse desolee 
 
 Qu'il confonde a jamais 
 
 Messieurs de l'Assemblee 
 
 The newly made law 
 From my soul I abhor 
 My faith to prove good, 
 I maintain the old code 
 May God give you peace, 
 Forsaken Noblesse, 
 May He ever confound 
 The Assembly all round 
 
 Jo veux 6tre fidele 
 Au regime ancien, 
 Je crois la loi nouvelle 
 Opposee a tout bicn ; 
 Messieurs les democrats 
 Au diable allez-vous en ; 
 Tous les Aristocrats 
 Ont eux seuls le bon sens. 
 
 'Tis my wish to esteem 
 The ancient regime 
 I maintain the new code 
 Is opposed to all good. 
 Messieurs Democrats, 
 To the devil go hence. 
 All the Aristocrats 
 Aro the sole men of sense. 
 
 EATAL DOUBLE MEANING. 
 
 Count Valavoir, a general in the French service under Tu- 
 renne, while encamped before the enemy, attempted one night 
 to pass a sentinel. The sentinel challenged him, and the 
 count answered " Va-la-voir," which literally signifies "Go and 
 see." The soldier, who took the words in this sense, indig- 
 nantly repeated the challenge, and was answered in the same 
 manner, when he fired ; and the unfortunate Count fell dead 
 upon the spot, — a victim to the whimsicality of his surname. 
 
EQUIVOQUE. 
 
 69 
 
 A TRIPLE PLATFORM. 
 
 Among the memorials of the sectional conflict of 1861-5, is 
 an American platform arranged to suit all parties. The first 
 column is the Secession ; the" second, the Abolition platform ; 
 and the whole, read together, is the Democratic platform : — 
 
 Hurrah for 
 
 Secession 
 
 We fight for 
 
 The Confederacy 
 
 We love 
 
 The rebellion 
 
 We glory in 
 
 Separation 
 
 We fight not for 
 
 Reconstruction 
 
 We must succeed 
 
 The Union 
 
 We love not 
 
 We never said 
 
 We want 
 
 Foreign intervention 
 
 We cherish 
 
 The stars and bars 
 
 We venerate 
 
 Southern chivalry 
 
 Death to 
 
 Abe Lincoln 
 
 Down with 
 
 Law and order 
 
 The Old Union 
 
 Is a curse 
 
 The Constitution 
 
 Is a league with hell 
 
 Free speech 
 
 Is treason 
 
 A Free Press 
 
 Will not be tolerated 
 
 The negro's freedom 
 
 Must be obtained 
 
 At every hazard 
 
 We love 
 
 The negro 
 
 Let the Union slide 
 
 The Union as it was 
 
 Is played out 
 
 The old flag 
 
 Is a flaunting lie 
 
 The heabus corpus 
 
 Is hateful 
 
 Jeff Davis 
 
 Isn't the Government 
 
 Mob law 
 
 Shall triumph. 
 
 LOYALTY, OR JACOBINISM? 
 
 This piece of amphibology was circulated among the United 
 Irishmen, previous to the Rebellion of 1798. First, read the 
 lines as they stand, then according to the numerals prefixed : — 
 
 1. I love my country — but the king, 
 
 3. Above all men his praise I sing, 
 
 2. Destruction to his odious reign, 
 
 4. That plague of princes, Thomas Paine; 
 
 5. The royal banners are displayed, 
 
 7. And may success the standard aid 
 
 6. Defeat and ruin seize the cause 
 
 8. Of France her liberty and laws. 
 
70 EQUIVOQUE. 
 
 NON COMMITTAL. 
 
 NEAT EVASION. 
 
 Bishop Egerton, of Durham, avoided three impertinent 
 questions by replying as follows : — 
 
 1. What inheritance he received from his father? 
 
 " Not so much as he expected." 
 
 2. What was his lady's fortune ? 
 
 " Less than was reported." 
 
 3. What was the value of his living of Ross ? 
 
 " More than he made of it." 
 
 A PATRIOTIC TOAST. 
 
 Most readers will remember the story of a non-committal 
 editor who, during the Presidential canvass of 1872, desiring to 
 propitiate subscribers of both parties, hoisted the ticket of 
 
 " Gr and n" at the top of his column, thus giving 
 
 those who took the paper their choice of interpretations be- 
 tween "Grant and Wilson" and "Greeley and Brown." A 
 story turning on the same style of point — and probably quite 
 as apocryphal — though the author labels it "historique" — is 
 told of an army officers' mess in France. A brother-soldier 
 from a neighboring detachment having come in, and a cham- 
 penoise having been uncorked in his honor, "Gentlemen," 
 said the guest, raising his glass, "I am about to propose a 
 toast at once patriotic and political." A chorus of hasty 
 ejaculations and of murmurs at once greeted him. "Yes, 
 gentlemen," coolly proceeded the orator, " I drink to a thing 
 which — an object that — Bah! I will out with it at once. It 
 begins with an R and ends with an e." 
 
 "Capital!" whispers a young lieutenant of Bordeaux pro- 
 motion. "He proposes the Republique, without offending the 
 old fogies by saying the word." 
 
 "Nonsense! He means the Radicale" replies the other, 
 an old Captain Cassel. 
 
 "Upon my word," says a third, as he lifts his glass, "our 
 friend must mean la Royaut6." 
 
EQUIVOQUE. 71 
 
 "I see!" cries a one-legged veteran of Froschweiler : "we 
 drink to la Revanche. 1 ' 
 
 In fact the whole party drank the toast heartily, each in- 
 terpreting it to his liking. 
 
 In the hands ol a Swift, even so trivial an instance might 
 be made to point a moral on the facility with which, alike in 
 theology and politics — from Athanasian creed to Cincinnati 
 or Philadelphia platform — men comfortably interpret to their 
 own diverse likings some doctrine that "begins with an R 
 and ends with an e," and swallow it with great unanimity and 
 enthusiasm. 
 
 THE HANDWRITING ON THE WALL. 
 
 During the war of the Rebellion, a merchant of Milwaukee, 
 who is an excellent hand at sketching, drew most admirably 
 on the wall of his store a negro's head, and underneath it 
 wrote, in a manner worthy of the Delphic oracle, " Dis-Union 
 for eber." Whether the sentence meant loyalty to the Union 
 or not, was the puzzling question which the gentleman him- 
 self never answered, invariably stating to the inquirers, " Read 
 it for yourselves, gentlemen." So from that day to this, as 
 the saying goes, "no one knows how dat darkey stood on de 
 war question." 
 
 Another question is puzzling the young ladies who attend 
 a Western Female College. It seems that one of them dis- 
 covered that some person had written on the outer wall of the 
 college, "Young women should set good examples; for young 
 men will follow them." The question that is now perplexing 
 the heads of several of the young ladies of the college is, 
 whether the writer meant what he or she (the handwriting was 
 rather masculine) wrote, in a moral sense or in an ironical one. 
 
 HOW FRENCH ACTRESSES AVOID GIVING THEIR AGE. 
 
 A servant robbed Mile. Mars of her diamonds one evening 
 while she was at the theatre. Arrested, he was put upon 
 trial, and witnesses were summoned to bear testimony to his 
 guilt. Among these was Mile. Mars. She was greatly an- 
 
72 equivoque. 
 
 noyed at this, as, according to the rules of French practice, 
 the witness, after being sworn, gives his age. Now the age 
 of Mile. Mars was an impenetrable mystery, for it was a 
 theme she never alluded to, and she possessed the art of 
 arresting time's flight, or at least of repairing its ravages so 
 effectually that her face never revealed acquaintance with 
 more than twenty years. She was for some days evidently 
 depressed; then, all at onee, her spirits rose as buoyant as 
 ever. This puzzled the court — for people in her eminent 
 position always have a court; parasites are plenty in Paris — 
 they did not know whether she had determined frankly to 
 confess her age, or whether she had hit upon some means of 
 eluding this thorny point of practice. 
 
 The day of trial came, and she was at her place. The 
 court-room was filled, and when she was put in the witness- 
 box every ear was bent towards her to catch the age she would 
 give as her own. "Your name?" said the presiding judge. 
 "Anne Francoise Hippolyte Mars." "What is your profes- 
 sion?" "An actress of the Frencn Comedy." "What is 
 your age?" " ty years." "What?" inquired the pre- 
 siding judge, leaning forward. " I have just told your honor !" 
 replied the actress, giving one of those irresistible smiles which 
 won the most hostile pit. The judge smiled in turn, and 
 when he asked, as he did immediately, " Where do you live ?" 
 hearty applause long prevented Mile. Mars from replying. 
 
 Mile. Cico was summoned before a court to bear witness in 
 favor of some cosmetic assailed as a poison by victims and 
 their physicians. All the youngest actresses of Paris were 
 there, and they reckoned upon a good deal of merriment and 
 profit when Mile. Cico came to disclose her age. She was 
 called to the stand — sworn — gave her name and profession. 
 When the judge said "How old are you?" she quitted the 
 stand, went up to the bench, stood on tip-toe, and whispered 
 in the judge's ear the malicious mystery. The bench smiled, 
 and kept her secret. 
 
THE CENTO. 
 
 73 
 
 ®1je GZtnto. 
 
 A cento primarily signifies a cloak made of patches. In 
 poetry it denotes a work wholly composed of 5 verses, or passages 
 promiscuously taken from other authors and disposed in a new 
 form or order, so as to compose a new work and a new mean- 
 ing. According to the rules laid down by Ausonius, the author 
 of the celebrated Nuptial Cento, the pieces may be taken from 
 the same poet, or from several; and the verses may be either 
 taken entire, or divided into two, one half to be connected with 
 another half taken elsewhere ; but two verses are never to be 
 taken together. 
 
 The Empress Eudoxia wrote the life of Jesus Christ in centos 
 taken from Homer. Proba Falconia, and, long after him, 
 Alexander Ross, both composed a life of the Saviour, in the 
 same manner, from Virgil. The title of Ross' work, which 
 was republished in 1769, was Virgilius Evangelizans, sive his- 
 toria Domini et Salvatoris nostri Jesu Christi Virgilianis 
 verbis et versibus descripta. 
 
 Subjoined are some modern specimens of this literary con- 
 fectionery, called in modern parlance 
 
 MOSAIC POETRY. 
 I only knew she came and went Lowell. 
 
 Like troutlets in a pool ; Hood. 
 
 She was a phantom of delight, • Wordsworth. 
 
 And I was like a fool. Eastman. 
 
 " One kiss, dear maid," I said and sighed, Coleridge. 
 
 " Out of those lips unshorn." Longfellow. 
 
 She shook her ringlets round her head, Stoddard. 
 
 And laughed in merry scorn. Tennyson. 
 
 Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky ! Tennyson. 
 
 You hear them, oh my heart? Alice Cary. 
 
 'Tis twelve at night by the castle clock, Coleridge, 
 
 Beloved, we must part! Alice Cary. 
 
 "Come back! come back!" she cried in grief, Campbell. 
 
 "My eyes are dim with tears — Bayard Taylor 
 
 How fahall I live through all the days, Mrs. Osgood. 
 
 All tnrcugh a hundred years?" T. S. Perry 
 7 
 

 74 
 
 THE CENTO. 
 
 
 
 
 'Twas in the prime of summer time, 
 
 Hood. 
 
 
 
 She blessed me with her hand; 
 
 Hoyt. 
 
 
 
 We strayed together, deeply blest, 
 
 Mrs. Edwards. 
 
 
 
 Into the Dreaming Land. 
 
 Cornwall. 
 
 • 
 
 
 The laughing bridal roses blow, 
 
 Patmore. 
 
 
 
 To dress her dark brown hair ; 
 
 Bayard Taylor. 
 
 
 
 No maiden may with her compare, 
 
 Braihford. 
 
 
 
 Most beautiful, most rare ! 
 
 Read. 
 
 
 
 I clasped it on her sweet cold hand, 
 
 Browning. 
 
 
 
 The precious golden link j 
 
 Smith. 
 
 
 
 I calmed her fears, and she was calm, 
 
 Coleridge. 
 
 
 
 "Drink, pretty creature, drink!" 
 
 Wordsworth. 
 
 
 
 And so I won my Genevieve, 
 
 Coleridge. 
 
 
 
 1 And walked in Paradise ; 
 
 Hervey. 
 
 
 
 The fairest thing that ever grew 
 
 Wordsworth, 
 
 
 
 Atween me and the skies. 
 
 Osgood. 
 
 
 
 Breathes there a man with soul so dead 
 
 t 
 
 
 
 Who never to himself hath said, 
 
 
 
 
 Shoot folly as it flies ? 
 
 
 
 
 Ah, more than tears of blood can tell, 
 
 
 
 
 Are in that word farewell, farewell j 
 
 
 
 . 
 
 'Tis folly to be wise. 
 
 
 
 
 And what is Friendship but a name 
 
 
 
 
 That burns on Etna's breast of flame ?. 
 
 
 
 
 Thus runs the world away. 
 
 
 
 
 Sweet is the ship that's under sail 
 
 
 
 
 To where yon taper points the vale 
 
 
 
 
 With hospitable ray. 
 
 
 
 
 Drink to me only with thine eyes 
 
 
 
 
 Through cloudless climes and starry skies, 
 
 
 
 My native land, good-night. 
 
 
 
 
 Adieu, adieu, my native shore ; 
 
 
 
 
 'Tis Greece, but living Greece no more. 
 
 
 
 
 Whatever is is right. 
 
 
 
 
 Oh, ever thus from childhood's hour, 
 
 * 
 
 
 
 Daughter of Jove, relentless power, 
 
 
 
 
 In russet mantle clad. 
 
 
 
THE CENTO. 75 
 
 The rocks and hollow mountains rung 
 While yet in early Greece she sung, 
 I'm pleased, and yet I'm sad. 
 
 In sceptred pall come sweeping by, 
 0, thou, the nymph with placid eye, 
 
 By Philip's warlike son ; 
 And on the light fantastic toe 
 Thus hand-in-hand through life we'll go; 
 
 Good-night to Marmion. 
 
 LIFE. 
 
 1. — Why all this toil for triumphs of an hour ? 
 2. — Life's a short summer, man a flower. 
 3. — By turns we catch the vital breath and die — 
 4. — The cradle and the tomb, alas ! so nigh. 
 
 5. — To be is better far than not to be, 
 
 6. — Though all man's life may seem a tragedy. 
 
 7. — But light cares speak when mighty griefs are dumb; 
 8.— The bottom is but shallow whence they come. 
 
 9. — Your fate is but the common fate of all, 
 10. — Unmingled joys, here, to no man befall. 
 
 11. — Nature to each allots his proper sphere, 
 12. — Fortune makes folly her peculiar care. 
 13. — Custom does not often reason overrule 
 14. — And throw a cruel sunshine on a fool. 
 
 15. — Live well, how long or short permit, to heaven ; 
 16. — They who forgive most, shall be most forgiven. 
 17. — Sin may be clasped so close we cannot see its face — 
 18. — Vile intercourse where virtue has not place. 
 
 19. — Then keep each passion down, however dear, 
 20. — Thou pendulum, betwixt a smile and tear'; 
 
 21. — Her sensual snares let faithless pleasure lay, 
 22. — With craft and skill, to ruin and betray. 
 23. — Soar not too high to fall, but stop to rise ; 
 24. — We masters grow of all that we despise. 
 
 25. — Oh then renounce that impious self-esteem ; 
 26. — Riches have wings and grandeur is a dream. 
 
 27. — Think not ambition wise, because 'tis brave, 
 28. — The paths of glory lead but to the grave. 
 
76 THE CENTO. 
 
 29. — What is ambition ? 'Tis a glorious cheat, 
 30. — Only destructive to the brave and great. 
 
 31. — What's all the gaudy glitter of a crown ? 
 32. — The way to bliss lies not on beds of down. 
 
 33. — How long we live, not years but actions tell ; 
 34. — That man lives twice who lives the first life well. 
 
 35. — Make then, while yet ye may, your God your friend, 
 36. — Whom Christians worship, yet not comprehend. 
 37. — The trust that's given guard, and to yourself be just j 
 38. — For, live we how we can, yet die we must. 
 
 1. Young. 2. Dr. Johnson. 3. Pope. 4. Prior. 5. Sewell. 6. Spenser. 7. Daniel. 
 8. Sir Walter Raleigh. 9. Longfellow. 10. Southwell. 11. Congreve. 12. Churchill. 
 13. Rochester. 14. Armstrong. 15. Milton. 16. Baily. 17. Trench. 18. Somerville. 
 19. Thompson. 20. Byron. 21. Smollet. 22. Crabbe. 23. Massinger. 24. Crowley. 
 25. Beattie. 26. Cowper. 27. Sir Walter Davenant. 28. Grey. 29. Willis. 30. Addi- 
 son. 31. Dryden. -32. Francis Quarles. 33. Watkins. 34. Herrick. 35. William 
 Mason. 36. Hill. 37. Dana. 38. Shakespeare. 
 
 CENTO FROM POPE. 
 
 'Tis education forms the common mind ; Moral Essays. 
 
 A mighty maze ! but not without a plan. Essay on Man. 
 
 Ask of the learned the way? The learned are blind; " " 
 
 The proper study of mankind is man. " " 
 
 A little learning is a dangerous thing ; Essay on Criticism. 
 
 Some have at first for wits, then poets passed — " " 
 
 See from each clime the learned their incense bring, u " 
 
 For rising merit will buoy up at last. " " 
 
 Tell (for you can) what is it to be wise. — Essay on Man. 
 
 Virtue alone is happiness below ; " " 
 
 Honor and shame from no condition rise, " " 
 
 And all our knowledge is ourselves to know. " " 
 
 Who shall decide when doctors disagree ? Moral Essay. 
 
 One truth is clear, whatever is, is right. Essay on Man. 
 
 Since men interpret texts, why should not we January and May. 
 
 Bead them by day and meditate by night ? Essay on Criticism. 
 
 BIBLICAL CENTO. 
 
 Cling to the Mighty One, Ps. Ixxxix. 19. 
 
 Cling in thy grief; Heb. xii. 11. 
 
 Cling to the Holy One, Ps. xxxix. 18. 
 
 He gives relief; Ps. Ixxxvi. 7. 
 

 THE CENTO. 
 
 77 
 
 
 Cling to the Gracious One, 
 
 Ps. cxvi. 5. 
 
 
 Cling in thy pain; 
 
 Ps. lv. 4. 
 
 
 Cling to the Faithful One, 
 
 1 Thess. v. 24. 
 
 
 He will sustain. 
 
 Ps. xxviii. 8. 
 
 
 Cling to the Living One, 
 
 Heb. vii. 25. 
 
 
 Cling in thy woe; 
 
 Ps. lxxxvi. 7. 
 
 
 Cling to the Loving One, 
 
 1 John iv. 16. 
 
 
 Through all helow : 
 
 Rom. viii. 38, 39. 
 
 
 Cling to the Pardoning One, 
 
 Isa. lv. 7. 
 
 
 He speaketh peace ; 
 
 John xiv. 27. 
 
 
 Cling to the Healing One, 
 
 Exod. xv. 26. 
 
 
 Anguish shall cease. 
 
 Ps. cxlvii. 3. 
 
 
 Cling to the Bleeding One, 
 
 1 John i. 7. 
 
 
 Cling to His side; 
 
 John xx. 27. 
 
 
 Cling to the Risen One, 
 
 Rom. vi. 9. 
 
 
 In Him ahide; 
 
 John xv. 4. 
 
 
 Cling to the Coming One, 
 
 Rev. xxii. 20. 
 
 
 Hope shall arise ; 
 
 Titus ii. 13. 
 
 
 Cling to the Reigning One ; 
 
 Ps. xcvii. 1. 
 
 
 Joy lights thine eyes. 
 
 Ps. xvi. 11. 
 
 
 THE RETURN OF ISRAEL. 
 
 
 I will surely gather the remnant of Israel. — Micah ii. 12. 
 
 
 And the Temple again shall he huilt, 
 
 
 And filled as it was of yore ; 
 
 
 
 And the burden be lift from the heart of the world, 
 
 
 And the nations all adore ; 
 
 
 
 Prayers to the throne of Heaven, 
 
 
 
 Morning and eve shall rise, 
 
 
 
 And unto and not of the Lamb 
 
 
 
 Shall be the sacrifice. — Festus. 
 
 
 
 La many strange and Gentile lands 
 
 Micah v. 8. 
 
 
 Where Jacob's scattered sons are driven, Jer. xxiii. 8. 
 
 
 With longing eyes and lifted hands, 
 
 Lam. i. 17. 
 
 
 They wait Messiah's sign from heaven. 
 
 Matth. xxiv. 30. 
 
 4 
 
 The cup of fury they have quaffed, 
 
 Isa. li. 17. 
 
 
 Till fainted like a weary flock ; 
 
 Isa. li. 20. 
 
 
 But Heaven will soon withdraw the draught, Isa. li. 22. 
 
 
 And give them waters from the rock. 
 
 Exod. xvii. 6. 
 
 
 What though their bodies, as the ground, 
 
 Isa. li. 23. 
 
 
 Th' Assyrian long has trodden o'er ! 
 
 Isa. lii. 4. 
 
 
 Zion, a captive daughter bound, 
 
 Isa. lii. 2. 
 
 
 Shall rise to know her wrong no more. 
 
 Isa. liv. 3, 4. 
 
 
 • * 
 
 
78 MACARONIC VERSE. 
 
 
 The veil is passing from her eyes, 
 The King of Nations she shall see; 
 
 Judea ! from the dust arise ! 
 
 Thy ransomed sons return to thee ! 
 
 2 Cor. iii. 16. 
 Zech. xiv. 9. 
 Isa. Iii. 2. 
 Jer. xxxi. 17. 
 
 How gorgeous shall thy land appear, 
 When, like the jewels of a bride, 
 
 Thy broken bands, all gathered there, 
 Shall clothe thy hills on every side ! 
 
 Isa. liv. 12. 
 Isa. xlix. 18. 
 Zech. xi. 14. 
 Isa. xlix. 18. 
 
 When on thy mount, as prophets taught, 
 Shall shine the throno of David's Son ; 
 
 The Gospel's latest triumphs brought 
 Where first its glorious course begun. 
 
 Isa. xxiv. 23. 
 Ezek. xxxvii. 22. 
 Micah iv. 2. 
 Luke xxiv. 47. 
 
 Gentiles and Kings, who thee oppressed, 
 Shall to thy gates with praise repair; 
 
 A fold of flocks shall Sharon rest, 
 And clustered fruits its vineyard bear. 
 
 Isa. Ix. 14. 
 Isa. Ix. 11. 
 Isa. Ixv. 10. 
 Joel ii. 22. 
 
 Then shall an Eden morn illume 
 Earth's fruitful vales, without a thorn : 
 
 The wilderness rejoice and bloom, 
 And nations in a day be born. 
 
 Isa. li. 3. 
 Isa. Iv. 13. 
 Isa. xxxv. 1. 
 Zech. ii. 11. 
 
 The Lord his holy arm makes bare; 
 
 Zion ! thy cheerful songs employ ! 
 Thy robes of bridal beauty wear, 
 
 And shout, ye ransomed race, for joy ! 
 
 Isa. Hi. 10. 
 Zeph. iii. 14. 
 Isa. Iii. 1. 
 Isa. Iii. 9. 
 
 Mamxonit Yzxst 
 
 ► 
 
 "A TREATISE OF WINE. 
 
 >> 
 
 The following specimen of macaronic verse, from the com- 
 monplace book of Richard Hilles, who died in 1535, is probably 
 the best of its kind extant. The scriptural allusions and the 
 large intermixture of Latin evidently point to the refectory of 
 Borne genial monastery as its source : — 
 
 The best tree if ye take intent, 
 
 Inter ligna fructifera, 
 Is the vine tree by good argument, 
 
 Dulcia ferens pondera. 
 
 • 
 
 
MACARONIC VERSE. 79 
 
 Saint Luke saith in his Gospel, 
 
 Arbor fructu noscitur, 
 The vine beareth wine as I you tell, 
 
 Hino aliis praeponitur. 
 
 The first that planted the vineyard, 
 
 Manet in coeli gaudio, 
 His name was Noe, as I am learned, 
 
 Genesis testimonio. 
 
 God gave unto him knowledge and wit, 
 
 A quo procedunt omnia, 
 First of the grape wine for to get, 
 
 Propter magna my^teria. 
 
 The first miracle that Jesus did, 
 
 Erat in vino rubeo, 
 In Cana of Galilee it betide, 
 
 Testante Evangelio. 
 
 He changed water into wine, 
 
 Aquae rubescunt hydria>, 
 And bade give it to Archetcline, 
 
 Ut gustet tunc primarie. , 
 
 Like as the rose exceedeth all flowers, 
 
 Inter cuncta florigera, 
 So doth wine all other liquors, 
 
 Dans multa salutifera. 
 
 David, the prophet, saith that wine 
 
 Laetificat cor hominis, 
 It maketh men merry if it be fine, 
 
 Est ergo digni nominis. 
 
 It nourisheth age if it be good, 
 
 Facit ut esset juvenis, 
 It gendereth in us gentle blood, 
 
 Nam venas purgat sanguinis. 
 
 By all these causes ye should think 
 
 Quae sunt rationabiles, 
 That good wine should be best of all drink 
 
 Liter potus potabiles. 
 
 Wine drinkers all, with great honor, 
 
 Semper laudate Dominum, 
 The which sendeth the good liquor 
 
 Propter salutem hominum. 
 
80 MACARONIC VERSE. 
 
 Plenty to all that love good wine, 
 
 Donet Deus largius, 
 And bring them some when they go hence, 
 
 Ubi non sitient amplius. 
 
 THE SUITOR WITH NINE TONGUES. 
 
 Tt <m Xsyw, ytsipaKiov, 
 
 Now that this fickle heart is won ? 
 
 Me semper amaturam te | 
 
 And never, never, never stray? 
 
 Herzsch'atzchen, Du verlangst zu viel 
 
 When you demand so strict a seal. 
 
 N'est-ce pas assez que je t'aime 
 
 Without remaining still the same? 
 
 Gij daarom geeft u liefde niet 
 
 If others may not have a treat. 
 
 Muy largo es mi corazon, 
 
 And fifty holds as well as one. 
 
 Non far nell' acqua buco che 
 
 I am resolved to have my way ; 
 
 Im lo boteach atta bi, 
 
 I'm willing quite to set you free ; 
 
 Be you content with half my time, 
 
 As half in English is my rhyme. 
 
 MAGINN'S ALTERNATIONS — HORACE, EPODE II. 
 
 Blest man, who far from busy hum, 
 
 Ut prisca gens mortalium, 
 
 Whistles his team afield with glee 
 
 Solutus omni fenore : 
 
 He lives in peace, from battles free, 
 
 Nee horret iratum mare; 
 
 And shuns the forum, and the gay 
 
 Potentiorum limina. 
 
 Therefore to vines of purple glosa 
 
 Altas maritat populos, 
 
 Or pruning off the boughs unfit 
 
 Feliciores inserit. 
 
 * * * * 
 
 Alphius the usurer, babbled thus, 
 
 Jam jam futurus rusticus, 
 
 Called in his cast on th'Ides — but ho 
 
 Quaerit Kalendis ponere. 
 
MACARONIC VERSE. 81 
 
 CONTENTI ABEAMUS. 
 
 Come, jocund friends, a bottle bring, 
 
 And push around the jorum: 
 We'll talk and laugh, and quaff and sing, 
 
 Nunc suavium amorum. 
 
 While we are in a merry mood, 
 
 Come, sit down ad bibendum; 
 And if dull care should dare intrude, 
 
 We'll to the devil send him. 
 
 A moping elf I can't endure 
 
 While I have ready rhino ; 
 And all life's pleasures centre still 
 
 In venere ac vino. 
 
 Be merry then, my friends, I pray, 
 
 And pass your time in joco, 
 For it is pleasant, as they say, 
 
 Desipere in loco. 
 He that loves not a young lass 
 
 Is sure an arrant stultus, 
 And he that will not take a glass 
 
 Deserves to be sepultus. 
 
 Pleasure, music, lovo and wine 
 
 Res valde sunt jucundae, 
 And pretty maidens look divine, 
 
 Provided ut sunt mundae. 
 I hate a snarling, surly fool, 
 
 Qui latrat sicut canis, 
 Who mopes and ever eats by rule, 
 
 Drinks water and eats panis. 
 
 Give me the man that's always free, 
 
 Qui finit molli more, 
 The cares of life, what'er they be; 
 
 Whose motto still is " Spero." 
 
 Death will turn us soon from hence, 
 
 Nigerrimas ad sedes; 
 And all our lands and all our pence 
 
 Ditabunt tunc heredes. 
 
 Why should we then forbear to sport ? 
 
 Dum vivamus, vivamus, 
 And when the Fates shall cut us down 
 
 Contenti abeamus. 
 
82 MACARONIC VERSE. 
 
 FLY-LEAP SCRIBBLING. 
 
 Iste liber pertinet, 
 And bear it well in mind, 
 
 Ad me, Jobannem Rixbrum, 
 So courteous and so kind. 
 
 Quern si ego perdam, 
 And by you it shall be found, 
 
 Redde mihi iterum, 
 Your fame I then will sound. 
 
 Sed si mihi redeas, 
 Then blessed thou shalt be, 
 
 Et ago tibi gratiaa 
 Whenever I thee see. 
 
 THE CAT AND THE RATS. 
 
 Felis sedit by a hole, 
 Intentus he, cum omni soul, 
 
 Prendere rats 
 Mice cucurrerunt trans the floor, 
 In numero duo, tres, or more — 
 
 Obliti cats. 
 
 Felis saw them, oculis; 
 
 "I'll have them," inquit he, "I guess, 
 
 Dum ludunt." 
 Tunc ille crept toward the group, 
 "Habeam," dixit, "good rat soup — 
 
 Pingucs sunt." 
 
 Mice continued all ludere, 
 Intenti they in ludum vere, 
 
 Gaudenter. 
 Tunc rushed the felis into them, 
 Et tore them omnes limb from limb, 
 
 Violenter. 
 
 MORAL. 
 
 Mures omnes, nunc be shy, 
 Et aurem praebe mihi, 
 
 Benigne. 
 Sit hoc satis — "verbum sat," 
 Avoid a whopping big tom-oat 
 
 Studiose. 
 
MACARONIC VERSE. 83 
 
 POLYGLOT INSCRIPTION. 
 
 The following advertisement in five languages, is inscribed 
 on the window of a public house in Germany: — 
 
 In questa casa trovarete 
 
 Toutes les choses que vous souhaitez ; 
 
 Vinum bonuin, costas, carnes, 
 
 Neat post-chaise, and horse and harness. 
 
 PARTING ADDRESS TO A FRIEND, 
 
 Written by a German gentleman on the termination of a very 
 agreeable, but brief acquaintance. 
 
 I often wished I had a friend, 
 
 Dem ich mich anvertrauen konnt', 
 
 A friend in whom I could confide, 
 
 Der mit mir theilte Freud und Leid ; 
 
 Had I the riches of Girard — 
 
 Ich theilte mit ihm Haus und Heerd; 
 
 For what is gold ? 'tis but a passing metal, 
 
 Der Henker hoi' fur mich den ganzen Bettel. 
 
 Could I purchase the world to live in it alone, 
 
 Ich gab' dafUr nicht eine hohle Bohn'; 
 
 I thought one time in you I'd find that friend, 
 
 Und glaubte schon mein Sehnen hat ein End ; 
 
 Alas ! your friendship lasted but in sight, 
 
 Doch meine grenzet an die Ewigkeit. 
 
 AM RHEIN. 
 
 Oh, the Rhine — the Rhine — the Rhine — 
 Comme c'est beau ! wie schon ! che bello ! 
 
 He who quaffs thy Luft und Wein, 
 Morbleu ! is a lucky fellow. 
 
 How I love thy rushing streams, 
 
 Groves of ash and birch and hazel, 
 From Schaffhausen's rainbow beams 
 
 Jusqu'a l'echo d'Oberwesel ! 
 
 Oh, que j'aime thy Briichen when 
 
 The crammed Dampfschiff gayly passes!— 
 
84 MACARONIC VERSE. 
 
 Love the bronzed pipes of thy men, 
 And the bronzed cheeks of thy lasses ! 
 
 Oh, que j'aime the " oui," the " bah," 
 From thy motley crowds that flow, 
 
 With the universal "ja/ 
 And the allgemeine "so"! 
 
 THE DEATH OF THE SEA SERPENT. 
 
 Anna virumque cano, qui first in Monongahela 
 
 Tarnally squampushed the sarpent, mittens horrentia tella. 
 
 Musa, look sharp with your Banjo ! I guess to relate this event, I 
 
 Shall need all the aid you can give ; so nunc aspirate canenti. 
 
 Mighty slick were the vessels progressing, Jactata per sequora ventis, 
 
 But the brow of the skipper was sad, cum solicitudine mentis j 
 
 For whales had been scarce in those parts, and the skipper, so long as 
 
 he'd known her, 
 Ne'er had gathered less oil in a cruise to gladden the heart of her owner. 
 " Darn the whales," cries the skipper at length, " with a telescope forte 
 
 videbo 
 Aut pisces, aut terras." "While speaking, just two or three points on the 
 
 lea bow, 
 He saw coming towards them as fast as though to a combat 'twould 
 
 tempt 'em, 
 A monstrum horrendum informe (qui lumen was shortly ademptum). 
 On the taffrail up jumps in a hurry, dux fortis, and seizing a trumpet, 
 Blows a blast that would waken the dead, mare turbat et aera rumpit — 
 " Tumble up all you lubbers," he cries, " tumble up, for careering be- 
 fore us 
 Is the real old sea sarpent himself, cristis maculisque decOrus." 
 " Consarn it," cried one of the sailors, " if e'er we provoke him he'll kill us, 
 He'll certainly chaw up hos morsu, et longis, implexibus illos." 
 Loud laughs the bold skipper, and quick premit alto corde dolorem ; 
 (If he does feel like running, he knows it won't do to betray it before 'em). 
 " socii ", inquit. " I'm sartin you're not the fellers to funk, or 
 Shrink from the durem certamen, whose fathers fit bravely at Bunker 
 You, who have waged with the bears, and the buffalo, proelia dura, 
 Down to the freshets, and licks of our own free enlightened Missourer ; 
 You could whip your own weight, catulus saevis sine telo, 
 Get your eyes skinned in a twinkling, et ponite tela phsesello !" 
 Talia voce refert, curisque ingentibus aeger, 
 
 Marshals his cute little band, now panting their foes to beleaguer 
 Swiftly they lower the boats, and swiftly each man at the oar is, 
 Excipe Britanni timidi duo, virque coloris. 
 
CONCATENATION OR CHAIN VERSE. 85 
 
 (Blackskin, you know, never feels, how sweet, 'tis pro patria mori ; 
 
 Ovid had him in view when he said, " Nimiuin ne crede colori.") 
 
 Now swiftly they pull towards the monster, who seeing the cutter and 
 
 gig nigh, 
 Glares at them with terrible eyes, suffectis sanguine et igni, 
 And, never conceiving their chief will so quickly deal him a floorer, 
 Opens wide to receive them at once, his Unguis vibrantibis ora; 
 But just as he's licking his lips, and gladly preparing to taste 'em, 
 Straight into his eyeball the skipper stridentem conjicit hastam. 
 Straight as he feels in his eyeball the lance, growing mightly sulky, 
 At 'em he comes in a rage, ora minax, lingua trusulca. 
 " Starn all," cry the sailors at once, for they think he has certainly 
 
 caught 'em, 
 Praesentemque viris intentant omnia mortem. 
 But the bold skipper exclaims, " terque quaterque beati ! 
 Now with a will dare viam, when I want you, be only parati; 
 This hoss feels like raising his hair, and in spite of his scaly old cortex, 
 Full soon you shall see that his corpse rapidus vorat aequore vortex." 
 Hoc ait, and choosing a lance : " With this one I think I shall hit it, 
 He cries, and straight into his mouth, ad intima viscera mittit. 
 Screeches the creature in pain, and writhes till the sea is commotum, 
 As if all its waves had been lashed in a tempest per Eurum et Notum. 
 Interea terrible shindy Neptunus sensit, et alto 
 
 Prospiciens sadly around, wiped his eye with the cuff of his palet&t ; 
 And, mad at his favorite's fate, of oaths uttered one or two thousand, 
 Such as " Corpo di Bacco ! Mehercle ! Sacre ! Mille Tonnerres ! Potz- 
 
 tausend !" 
 But the skipper, who thought it was time to this terrible fight dare finem, 
 With a scalping-knife jumps on the neck of the snake secat et dextra 
 
 crinem, 
 And hurling the scalp in the air, half mad with delight to possess it, 
 Shouts " Darn it — I've fixed up his flint, for in ventos vita recessit !" 
 
 ©oncatenatton ox GMjam Vzxst. 
 
 lasphrise's novelties. 
 
 Lasphrise, a French poet of considerable merit, claims the 
 invention of several singularities in verse, and among them the 
 following, in which it will be found that the last word of every 
 line is the first word of the following line : — 
 
86 CONCATENATION OR CHAIN VERSE. 
 
 Falloit-it que le ciel me rendit amoureux, 
 Amoureaux, joaissant d'une beaute craintive, 
 Craintive a recevoir douceur excessive, 
 Excessive au plaisir qui rend 1'amant heureux? 
 Heureux si nous avions quelques paisibles lieux, 
 Lieux oil plus surement l'ami fiddle arrive, 
 Arrive sans soupcon de quelque ami attentive, 
 Attentive a vouloir nous surprendre tous deux. 
 
 Subjoined are examples in our own vernacular :— 
 
 TO DEATH. 
 
 The longer life, the more offence ; 
 
 The more offence, the greater pain; 
 The greater pain, the less defence; 
 
 The less defence, the lesser gain — 
 The loss of gain long ill doth try, 
 Wherefore, come, death, and let me die. 
 
 The shorter life, less count I find ; 
 
 The less account, the sooner made; 
 The count soon made, the merrier mind ; 
 
 The merrier mind doth thought invade — 
 Short life, in truth, this thing doth try, 
 Wherefore, come, death, and let me die. 
 
 Come, gentle death, the ebb of care; 
 
 The ebb of care the flood of life ; 
 The flood of life, the joyful fare; 
 
 The joyful fare, the end of strife — 
 The end of -strife that thing wish I, 
 Wherefore, come, death and let me die. 
 
 TRUTH. 
 
 Nerve thy soul with doctrines noble, 
 
 Noble in the walks of Time, 
 Time that leads to an eternal, 
 
 An eternal life sublime ; 
 Life sublime in moral beauty, 
 
 Beauty that shall ever be, 
 Ever be to lure thee onward, 
 
 Onward to the fountain free; 
 Free to every earnest seeker, 
 
 Seeker at the Fount of Youth, 
 Youth exultant in its beauty, 
 
 Beauty found in the quest of Truth. 
 
CONCATENATION OR CHAIN VERSE. 87 
 
 TRYING SKYING. 
 
 Long I looked into the sky, 
 
 Sky aglow with gleaming stars, 
 Stars that stream their courses high, 
 
 High and grand, those golden cars, 
 Cars that ever keep their track, 
 
 Track untraced by human ray, 
 Kay that zones the zodiac, 
 
 Zodiac with milky-way, 
 Milky-way where worlds are sown, 
 
 Sown like sands along the sea, 
 Sea whose tide and tone e'er own, 
 
 Own a feeling to be free, 
 Free to leave its lowly place, 
 
 Place to prove with yonder spheres, 
 Spheres that trace athrough all space, 
 
 Space and years — unspoken years. 
 
 A RINGING SONG. 
 
 The following gem is from an old play of Shakspeare's 
 time, called The True Trojans : — 
 
 The sky is glad that stars above 
 
 Do give a brighter splendor ; 
 The stars unfold their naming gold, 
 
 To make the ground more tender : 
 The ground doth send a fragrant smell, 
 
 That air may be the sweeter ; 
 The air doth charm the swelling seas 
 
 With pretty chirping metre ; 
 The sea with rivers' water doth 
 
 Feed plants and flowers so dainty ; 
 The plants do yield their fruitful seed, 
 
 That beasts may live in plenty ; 
 The beasts do give both food and cloth, 
 
 That men high Jove may honor; 
 And so the World runs merrily round, 
 
 When Peace doth smile upon her ! 
 Oh, then, then oh ! oh then, then oh ! 
 
 This jubilee last forever; 
 That foreign spite, or civil fight, 
 
 Our quiet trouble never ! 
 
88 BOUTS RIMtiS. 
 
 Bouts Rimes, or Rhyming Ends, afford considerable amuse- 
 ment. They are said by Goujet to have been invented by 
 Dulot, a French poet, who had a custom of preparing the 
 rhymes of sonnets, leaving them to be filled up at leisure. 
 Having been robbed of his papers, he was regretting the loss 
 of three hundred sonnets. His friends were astonished that 
 he had written so many of which they had never heard. " They 
 were blank sonnets/' said he, and then explained the mystery 
 by describing his " Bouts RimeV' The idea appeared ridicu- 
 lously amusing, and it soon became a fashionable pastime to 
 collect some of the most difficult rhymes, and fill up the lines. 
 An example is appended : — 
 
 nettle, 
 
 pains. 
 
 mettle. 
 
 remains. 
 
 natures. 
 
 rebel. 
 
 graters. 
 
 well. 
 
 The rhymes may be thus completed : — 
 
 Tender-handed stroke a nettle, 
 
 And it stings you for your pains ; 
 Grasp it like a man of mettle, 
 
 And it soft as silk remains. 
 'Tis the samo with common natures, 
 
 Use them kindly, they rebel ; 
 But be rough as nutmeg-graters, 
 
 And the rogues obey you well. 
 
 A sprightly young belle, who was an admirer of poetry, would 
 often tease her beau, who had made some acquaintance with the 
 muses, to write verses for her. One day, becoming quite im- 
 portunate, she would take no denial. " Come, pray, do now 
 write some poetry for me — won't you ? I'll help you out. I'll 
 
BOUTS RIMfiS. 89 
 
 furnish you with rhymes if you will make lines for them. 
 
 Here now : — 
 
 please, moan, 
 
 tease, bone." 
 
 He at length good-humoredly complied, and filled up the 
 measure as follows : — 
 
 To a form that is faultless, a face that must — please, 
 Is added a restless desire to — tease ; 
 0, how my hard fate I should ever be — moan, 
 Could I but believe she'd be bone of my — bone! 
 
 Mr. Bogart, a young man of Albany, who died in 1826, at 
 the age of twenty-one, displayed astonishing facility in im- 
 promptu writing. * 
 It was good-naturedly hinted on one occasion that his " im- 
 promptus" were prepared beforehand, and he was asked if he 
 would submit to the application of a test of his poetic abilities. 
 He promptly acceded, and a most difficult one was immediately 
 proposed. 
 
 Among his intimate friends were Col. J. B. Van Schaick 
 and Charles Fenno Hoffman, both of whom were present. Said 
 Van Schaick, taking up a copy of Byron, "The name of Lydia 
 Kane" (a lady distinguished for her beauty and cleverness, 
 who died a few years ago, but who was then just blushing into 
 womanhood) " has in it the same number of letters as a stanza 
 of Childe Harold has lines : write them down in a column." 
 They were so written by Bogart, Hoffman, and himself. 
 " Now," he continued, " I will open the poem at random ; and 
 for the ends of the lines in Miss Lydia's Acrostic shall be used 
 the words ending those of the verse on which my finger may 
 rest." The stanza thus selected was this : — 
 
 And must they fall, the young, the proud, the brave, 
 
 To swell one bloated chief's unwholesome reign ? 
 
 No step between submission and a grave ? 
 
 The rise of rapine and the fall of Spain ? 
 
 And doth the Power that man adores ordain 
 
 Their doom, nor heed the suppliant's appeal ? 
 
 Is all that desperate valor acts in vain? 
 
 And counsel sage, and patriotic zeal, 
 
 The veteran's skill, youth's fire, and manhood's heart of steel? 
 8* 
 
90 BOUTS RIMES. 
 
 The following stanza was composed by Bogart within the 
 succeeding ten minutes, — the period fixed in a wager, — finished 
 before his companions had reached a fourth line, and read to 
 them as here presented :* — 
 
 L ovely and loved, o'er the unconquered v brave 
 
 Y our charms resistless, matchless girl, shall reign ! 
 
 D ear as the mother holds her infant's grave 
 
 I n Love's own region, warm, romantio Spain ! 
 
 A nd should your fate to court your steps ordain, 
 
 K ings would in vain to regal pomp appeal, 
 
 A nd lordly bishops kneel to you in vain, 
 
 N or valor's fire, law's power, nor churchman's zeal 
 
 E ndure 'gainst love's (time's up !) untarnished steel. 
 
 The French also amuse themselves with bouts rimis retournfa, 
 in which the rhymes are taken from some piece of poetry, but 
 the order in which they occur is reversed. The following ex- 
 ample is from the album of a Parisian lady of literary celebrity, 
 the widow of one of the Crimean heroes. The original poem is 
 by Alfred de Musset, the retournte by Marshal Pelissier, who 
 improvised it at the lady's request. In the translation which 
 ensues, the reversed rhymes are carefully preserved. 
 
 BV DE MUSSET. 
 
 Quand la fugitive esperance 
 
 Nous pousse le coude en passant, 
 
 Puis & tire d'ailes s'elance 
 
 Et se retourne en souriant, 
 
 Oil va l'homme? oil son coeur l'appelle; 
 
 L'hirondelle suit le zephir, 
 
 Et moins legere est rhirondello 
 
 Que l'homme qui suit son d6sir. 
 
 Ah ! fugitive enchanteresse, 
 
 Sais-tu seulemeut ton chemin ? 
 
 Faut-il done que le vieux destin 
 
 Ait une si jeune maitresse ! 
 
 BY PELISSIER, DUC DE MALAKOFP. 
 
 Pour chanter la jeune maitresse 
 Que Musset donne au vieux destin, 
 
 *The truth of this circumstance was subsequently confirmed by Mr. 
 Hoffman (whose memory is still vigorous) in the course of a conversation 
 at the Pennsylvania State Lunatic Hospital. 
 
BOUTS RIMfiS. 91 
 
 J'ai trop parcouru de chemin 
 Sans attoindre Penchanteresse ; 
 Toujours vers cet ancien desir 
 J'ai tendu comme l'hirondelle, 
 Mais sans le secours du zcphir 
 Qui la porte oil son coeur l'appelle. 
 Adieu, fant&me souriant, 
 Vers qui la jeunesse s'elance, 
 La raison me crie en passant ; 
 Le souvenir vaut l'esperance. 
 
 TRANSLATION. 
 
 When Hope, a fugitive, retreating 
 Elbows us, as away she flies, 
 Then swift returns, another greeting 
 To offer us with laughing eyes. 
 Man goeth when his heart is speaking, 
 The swallows through the zephyrs dart, 
 And man, who's every fancy seeking, 
 Hath yet a more inconstant heart. 
 Enchantress, fugitive, coquetting ! 
 Know'st thou then true, alone, thy way ? 
 Hath then stern Fate, so old and gray, 
 So young a mistress never fretting ? 
 
 REVERSED RHYMES. 
 
 To sing the mistress, never fretting, 
 Musset gives Fate, so old and gray, 
 Too long I've travelled on my way, 
 And ne'er attained her dear coquetting. 
 To find that longing of the heart, 
 I've been, like yonder swallow, seeking, 
 Yet could not through the zephyrs dart, 
 Nor reach the wish the heart is speaking. 
 Adieu then, shade, with laughing eyes, 
 Towards whom youth ever sends its greeting j 
 Better, cries Reason, as she flies, 
 Remembrance now, than Hope retreating. 
 
 Among the eccentricities of literature may be classed Jihopalie verses, 
 which begin with a monosyllable and gradually increase the length of each 
 successive word. The name was suggested by the shape of Hercules' club, 
 f>6na\ov. Sometimes they run from the butt to the handle of the club. Take 
 as an example of each, — 
 
 Rem tibi confeci, doctissime, dulcisonoram. 
 Yectigalibus armamenta referre jubet Rex. 
 
92 EMBLEMATIC POETRY. 
 
 JSmMematic IJoetrg. 
 
 A pair of scissors and a comb in verse. — Ben Jonson. 
 
 On their fair standards by the wind displayed, 
 
 Eggs, altars, wings, pipes, axes, were portrayed. — Seribleriad. 
 
 The quaint conceit of making verses assume grotesque 
 shapes and devices, expressive of the theme selected by the 
 writer, appears to have been most fashionable during the seven- 
 teenth century. Writers tortured their brains in order to tor- 
 ture their verses into all sorts of fantastic forms, from a flower- 
 pot to an obelisk, from a pin to a pyramid. Hearts and fans 
 and knots were chosen for love-songs ; wineglasses, bottles, 
 and casks for Bacchanalian songs; pulpits, altars, and monu- 
 ments for religious verses and epitaphs. Tom Nash, according 
 to Disraeli, says of Gabriel Harvey, that " he had writ verses 
 in all kinds : in form of a pair of gloves, a pair of spectacles, 
 a pair of pot-hooks, &c." Puttenham, in his Art of Poesie, 
 gives several odd specimens of poems in the form of lozenges, 
 pillars, triangles, &c. Butler says of Benlowes, " the excel- 
 lently learned," who was much renowned for his 'literary 
 freaks, " As for temples and pyramids in poetry, he has out- 
 done all men that way; for he has made a grid-iron and a 
 frying-pan in verse, that, besides the likeness in shape, the 
 very tone and sound of the words did perfectly represent the 
 noise made by these utensils ! When he was a captain, he 
 made all the furniture of his horse, from the bit to the crupper, 
 the beaten poetry, every verse being fitted to the proportion of 
 the thing, with a moral allusion to the sense of the thing : as 
 the bridle of moderation, the saddle of content, and the crup- 
 per of constancy; so that the same thing was the epigram 
 and emblem, even as a mule is both horse and ass/' Mr. Alger 
 tells us that the Oriental poets are fond of arranging their poems 
 in the form of drums, swords, circles, crescents, trees, &c, and 
 that the Alexandrian rhetoricians used to amuse themselves by 
 writing their satires and invectives in the shape of an axe or a 
 
EMBLEMATIC POETRY. 93 
 
 spear. He gives the following erotio triplet, composed by a 
 Hindu poet, the first line representing a bow, the second its 
 string, the third an arrow aimed at the heart of the object of 
 his passion : — 
 
 1 
 i 
 
 
 
 
 
 3 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 1 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 > 4 ' 
 
 t\x^ 
 
 art the 
 
 fairest 
 
 1 
 
 g 
 
 shve 
 
 in 
 
 1i 
 
 V 
 
 
 0^° 
 
 
 
 
 M 
 
 
 
 
 * & 
 
 
 
 
 
 to 
 
 .3 
 
 9 
 i 
 
 
 
 
 
 % 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 Those charms to win, with all my empire 
 
 I would 
 
 gladly part. 
 
 THE WINE GLASS. 
 
 Who hath woe? Who hath sorrow? 
 
 Who hath contentions ? Who 
 
 hath wounds without cause? 
 
 Who hath redness of eyes? 
 
 They that tarry long at the 
 
 wine! They that go to 
 
 seek mixed wine. Look 
 
 not thou upon the 
 
 wine when it is red, 
 
 when it giveth its 
 
 color in the 
 
 cup; 
 
 when it 
 
 moveth itself 
 
 aright. 
 
 At 
 
 the last 
 
 it biteth like a 
 
 serpent, and stingeth like an adder. 
 
94 EMBLEMATIC POETRY. 
 
 The following specimen of this affectation was written by 
 George Wither, who lived from 1588 to 1677. It is called by 
 Mr. Ellis a 
 
 RHOMBOIDAL DIRGE. 
 
 Farewell, 
 
 Sweet groves, to you ! 
 
 You hills that highest dwell, 
 
 And all you humble vales, adieu ! 
 
 You wanton brooks and solitary rocks, 
 
 My dear companions all, and you my tender flocks ! 
 
 Farewell, my pipe ! and all those pleasing songs whose moving strains 
 
 Delighted once the fairest nymphs that dance upon the plains. 
 
 You discontents, whose deep and over-deadly smart • 
 
 Have without pity broke the truest heart, 
 
 Sighs, tears, and every sad annoy, 
 
 That erst did with me dwell, 
 
 And others joy, 
 
 Farewell ! 
 
 The Christian monks of the Middle Ages, who amused them' 
 selves similarly, preferred for their hymns the form of 
 
 THE CROSS. 
 
 Blest they who seek, 
 
 While in their youth, 
 
 With spirit meek, 
 
 The way of truth. 
 To them the Sacred Scriptures now display, 
 Christ as the only true and living way: 
 His precious blood on Calvary was given 
 To make them heirs of endless bliss in heaven. 
 And e'en on earth the child of God can traco 
 The glorious blessings of his Saviour's face. 
 
 For them He bore 
 
 His Father's frown, 
 
 For them He wore 
 
 The thorny crown ; 
 
 Nailed to the cross, 
 
 Endured its pain, 
 
 That his life's loss 
 
 Might be their gain. 
 
 Then haste to choose 
 
 That better part— 
 
 Nor dare refuse 
 
 The Lord your heart, 
 
 Lest He declare, — 
 
 "I know you not;" 
 
 And deep despair 
 
 Shall be your lot 
 Now look to Jesus who on Calvary died, 
 And trust on Him alone who there was crucified. 
 
EMBLEMATIC POETRY. 
 
 95 
 
 L CURIOUS PIECE OP ANTIQUITY, ON THE CRUCIFIXION OP 
 OUR SAVIOUR AND THE TWO THIEVES. 
 
 I come to Thee; 
 To hear me wretch, oh 
 Did never close, 
 Let not, God! 
 And numberless, bet 
 And my poor soul be 
 
 bow down thy blessed ears 
 
 let thine eyes, which sleep 
 
 bebold a sinner weep. 
 
 my God ! my faults, though great 
 
 een thy mercy-seat 
 
 rown, since we are taught, 
 
 Thou, 
 
 I CO 
 
 Than 
 
 Be th 
 
 My crown his 
 
 And th 
 
 Quit my ac- 
 
 beg for 
 
 Thou Chri 
 
 The liv 
 
 And but 
 
 All o 
 
 For by th 
 
 Oh hear 
 
 Lest s 
 
 Oh Lord! my 
 
 In 
 
 And at the do 
 
 To liv 
 
 sought 
 
 r merit 
 rist inherit: 
 pes my bliss, 
 in his, 
 viour God! 
 engeful rod; 
 are set, 
 e debt. 
 I know; 
 hould I go? 
 thine to me; 
 th must be. 
 aith implore, 
 r more, 
 nd keep, 
 
 te'er slip; 
 then, 
 say, Amen! 
 
 EXPLANATION. 
 
 The middle cross represents our Saviour; those on either side, the two 
 thieves. On the top and down the middle cross are our Saviour's expression, 
 " My God ! My God ! why hast thou forsaken me ?" and on the top of the 
 cross is the Latin inscription, " INRI" — Jesus Nazarenus Rex Judaeorum, 
 i.e. Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews. Upon the cross on the right hand 
 •.s the prayer of one of the thieves : — " Lord ! remember me when thou comest 
 into thy kingdom." On the left-hand cross is the saying, or reproach, of the 
 other: — "If thou beest the Christ, save thyself and us." The whole, comprised 
 together, makes a piece of excellent poetry, which is to be read across all the 
 columns, and makes as many lines as there are letters in the alphabet It is 
 perhaps one of the most curious pieces of composition to be found on record. 
 
96 EMBLEMATIC COMPOSITION. 
 
 INGENIOUS CYPHER 
 
 The following was written by Prof. Whewell at the request 
 of a young lady : — 
 
 U a but I U, 
 no but me; 
 let not my a go, 
 But give I U so. 
 Thus de-cyphered : 
 (You sigh for a cypher, but I sigh for you ; 
 nigh for no cypher, but sigh for me : 
 let not my sigh for a cypher go, 
 But give sigh for sigh, for I sigh for you so.) 
 
 TYPOGRAPHICAL. 
 
 We once saw a young man gazing at the *ry heavens, with a 
 t in 1 JB^** and a , — » — . of pistols in the other. We endeavored 
 to attract his attention by .ing to a \ in a paper we held in our 
 JB^"*, relating 2 a young man in that § of the country, who had 
 left home in a state of mental derangement. He dropped the 
 f and pistols from his S^"°^H with the ! 
 
 "It is I of whom U read. I left home be4 my friends knew 
 of my design. I had sO the $£&* of a girl who refused 2 lislO 
 
 2 me, but smiled b9nly on anpther. I ed madly from the 
 
 house, uttering a wild ' 2 the, god of love, and without replying 
 2 the ??? of my friends, canie here with this f & , — « — , of pis- 
 tols, 2 put a . 2 my existence. My case has no || in this §." 
 
 OXFORD JOKE. 
 
 A gentleman entered the room of Dr. Barton, Warden of 
 Merton College, and told him that Dr. Vowel was dead. 
 " What !" said he, " Dr. Vowel dead ! well, thank heaveu it 
 was neither U nor I." 
 
 In an old church in Westchester county, N. Y., the following 
 consonants are written beside the altar, under the Ten Com- 
 mandments. What vowel is to be placed between them, to 
 make sense and rhyme of the couplet? 
 
 P. R. S. V. R. Y. P. R. F. C. T. M. N. 
 V. R. K. P. T. H. S. P. R. C. P. T. S. T. N. 
 
EMBLEMATIC POETRY. 
 
 97 
 
 ESSAY TO MISS CATHARINE JAY. 
 An S A now I mean 2 write 
 
 2 U sweet K T J, 
 The girl without a ||, 
 
 The helle of U T K. 
 
 1 1 der if U got that 1 
 
 1 wrote 2 U B 4 
 
 I sailed in the R K D A, 
 And sent by L N Moore. 
 
 My M T head will scarce contain 
 
 A calm IDA bright 
 But A T miles from U I must 
 
 M-*- this chance 2 write. 
 
 And 1st, should NENVU, 
 
 B E Z, mind it not, 
 Should N E friendship show, B true; 
 
 They should not B forgot 
 
 From virt U nev R D V 8 ; 
 
 Her influence B 9 
 A like induces 10 dern S, 
 
 Or 40 tude D vine. 
 
 And if U cannot cut a — 
 
 Or cut an ! 
 I hope U'll put a . 
 
 2 1?. 
 
 R U for an X ation 2, 
 
 My cous N ? — heart and 
 He off R's in a ^ 
 
 A § 2 of land. 
 
 He says he loves U2XS, 
 
 U R virtuous and Y's, 
 InXLNCUXL 
 
 All others in his i's. 
 
 This S A, until UIC, 
 
 I pray U 2 X Q's, 
 And do not burn in F E G 
 
 My young and wayward 
 
 Now fare U well, dear KTJ, 
 
 I trust that U R true- 
 When this U C, then you can gay, 
 
 An S A I U. 
 9 
 
98 MONOSYLLABLES. 
 
 " And ten low words oft creep in one dull line." 
 Some of our best writers have very properly taken exception 
 to the above line in Pope's Essay on Criticism, and have shown, 
 by reference to abundant examples, that many of the finest pass- 
 ages in our language are nearly, if not altogether, monosyllabic. 
 Indeed, it could not well be otherwise, if it be true that, as 
 Dean Swift has remarked, the English language is " over- 
 stocked with monosyllables." It contains more than five 
 hundred formed by the vowel a alone; four hundred and fifty 
 by the vowel e ; nearly four hundred by the vowel i ; more 
 than four hundred by the vowel o; and two hundred and sixty 
 by the vowel u; besides a large number formed by diphthongs. 
 Floy has written a lengthy and very ingenious article, entirely 
 in monosyllables, in which he undertakes, as he says, to " prove 
 that short words, in spite of the sneer in the text, need not 
 creep, .nor be dull, but that they give strength, and life, and 
 fire to the verse of those who know how to use them." 
 
 Pope himself, however, has confuted his own words by his 
 admirable writings more effectively than could be done by 
 labored argument. Many of the best lines in the Essay above 
 referred to, as well as in the Essay on Man, — and there are few 
 "dull" or "creeping" verses to be found in either, — are made 
 up entirely of monosyllables, or contain but one word of greater 
 length, or a contracted word pronounced as one syllable. The 
 Universal Prayer — one of the most beautiful and elaborate 
 pieces, both in sentiment and versification, ever produced in 
 any language — contains three hundred and four words, of which 
 there are two hundred and forty-nine monosyllables to fifty-five 
 polysyllables, thus averaging but one of the latter to every line. 
 A single stanza is appended as a specimen : — 
 
 If I am right, thy grace impart 
 
 Still in the right to stay; 
 If I am wrong, oh, teach my heart 
 
 To find that better way 1 
 
MONOSYLLABLES. 99 
 
 Rogers, conversing on this subject, cited two lines from 
 Eloisa to Abelard, which he declared could not possibly be 
 improved : — 
 
 Pant on thy lip, and to thy heart be press'd ; 
 Give all thou canst — and let me dream the rest. 
 
 Among the illustrations employed by Floy, are numerous 
 selections from the hymnology in common congregational use, 
 such as the following : — 
 
 Sweet is the work, my God, my King, 
 
 To praise thy name, give thanks, and sing; 
 
 To show thy love by morning light, 
 
 And talk of all thy truth at night. — Watts. 
 
 Are there no foes for me to face ? 
 
 Must I not stem the flood ? • 
 Is this vile world a friend to grace 
 
 To help me on to God ? — Watts. 
 
 Save me from death ; from hell set free ; 
 
 Death, hell, are but the want of thee: 
 
 My life, my only heav'n thou art, — 
 
 might I feel thee in my heart ! — C. Wesley. 
 
 The same writer, to show Shakspeare's fondness for small 
 words, and their frequent subservience to some of his most 
 masterly efforts, enters upon a monosyllabic analysis of King 
 Lear, quoting from it freely throughout. Those who read the 
 play with reference to this poiut will be struck with the re- 
 markable number of forcible passages made up of words of one 
 syllable : — 
 
 Thou know'st the first time that wo smell the air, 
 
 We wawl and cry : I will preach to thoe ; mark me. 
 
 When we are born, we cry that wo are come 
 
 To this great stage of fools. — This a good block? — Act IV. Sc. 6. 
 
 The following occurs in the play of King John, where the 
 King is pausing in his wish to incite Hubert to murder 
 Arthur : — 
 
 Good friend, thou hast no cause to say so yet ; 
 But thou shalt have ; and creep time ne'er so slow, 
 Yet it shall come, for me to do thee* good. 
 I had a thing to say. — But let it go. — Act III. Sc Z. 
 
100 MONOSYLLABLES. 
 
 But who I was, or where, or from what cause, 
 Knew not j to speak I tried, and forthwith spake 
 
 Thou sun, said I, fair light, 
 
 And thou enlightened earth, so fresh and gay, 
 
 Ye hills, and dales, ye rivers, woods, and plains, 
 
 And ye that live and move, fair creatures, tell, 
 
 Tell, if ye saw how I came thus, how here ? — 
 
 Tell me, how may I know Him, how adore, 
 
 From whom I have that thus I move and live ? — Paradise Lost, B. Till. 
 
 Herrick says, in his address to the daffodils : — 
 We have short time to stay as you, 
 
 We have as short a spring ; 
 As quick a growth to meet decay 
 As you or any thing. 
 We die 
 As your hours do, and dry 
 Like to the rain, 
 Or as the pearls of dew. 
 
 Now I am here, what thou wilt do for me, 
 
 None of my books will show ; 
 I read, and sigh, and wish I were a tree, 
 
 For sure I then should grow 
 To fruit or shade : at least some bird might trust 
 Her household to me, and I should be just.— George Herbert. 
 
 Thou who hast given me eyes to see 
 
 And love this sight so fair, 
 Give mo a heart to find out Thee, 
 
 And read Thee everywhere. — Keble. 
 
 The bell strikes one. We take no note of time 
 Save by its loss ; to give it then a tongue 
 Were wise in man. — Young. 
 
 Ah, yes ! the hour is come 
 When thou must haste thee home, 
 
 Pure soul ! to Him who calls. 
 The God who gave thee breath 
 Walks by the side of death, 
 
 And naught that step appalls. — Landor. 
 
 New light new love, new love new life hath bred J 
 A life that lives by love, and loves by light j 
 
 A love to Him to whom all loves are wed ; 
 A light to whom the sun is darkest night: 
 
MONOSYLLABLES. 101 
 
 Eye's light, heart's love, soul's only life, He is ; 
 
 Life, soul, love, heart, light, eyes, and all are His ; 
 
 He eye, light, heart, love, soul ; He all my joy and bliss. — 
 
 Fletcher's Purple Inland. 
 
 Bailey's Festus, that extraordinary poem the perusal of which 
 makes the reader feel as if he had " eaten of the insane root 
 that takes the reason prisoner/' abounds with examples : — 
 
 Night brings out stars as sorrow shows us truths : 
 
 Though many, yet they help not ; bright, they light not. 
 
 They are too late to serve us ; and sad things 
 
 Are aye too true. We never see the stars 
 
 Till we can see naught but them. So with truth. 
 
 And yet if one would look down a deep well, 
 
 Even at noon, we might see those same stars 
 
 Life's more than breath, and the quick round of blood— 
 We live in deeds, not years ; in thoughts, not breaths— 
 We should count time by heart-throbs. He most lives 
 Who thinks most — feels the noblest — acts the best. 
 Life's but a means unto an end — 
 
 Helen (sings.) Oh! love is like the rose, 
 
 And a month it may not see, 
 Ere it withers where it grows — 
 Rosalie ! 
 
 I loved thee from afar ; 
 Oh ! my heart was lift to thee 
 Like a glass up to a star — 
 Rosalie ! 
 
 Thine eye was glassed in mine 
 As the moon is in the sea, 
 And its shine is on the brine — 
 Rosalie ! 
 
 The rose hath lost its red, 
 And the star is in the sea, 
 And the briny tear is shed- 
 Rosalie ! 
 
 Festus. What the stars are to the night, my love, 
 What its pearls are to the sea, 
 What the dew is to the day, my love, 
 Thy beauty is to me. 
 
 We may say that the sun is dead, and gone 
 Forever; and may swear he will rise no more ; 
 9* 
 
102 MONOSYLLABLES. 
 
 « 
 
 The skies may put on mourning for their God, 
 And earth heap ashes on her head ; hut who 
 Shall keep the sun back when he thinks to rise ? 
 Where is the chain shall bind him ? Where the cell 
 Shall hold him ? Hell he would burn down to embers, 
 And would lift up the world with a lever of light 
 Out of his way: yet, know ye, 'twere thrice less 
 To do thrice this, than keep the soul from God. 
 
 Many of the most expressive sentences in the Bible are mono- 
 syllabic. A few are subjoined, selected at random : — 
 
 And God said, Let there be light : and there was light. And God saw the 
 light, that it was good. — Gen. I. 
 
 At her feet he bowed, he fell, he lay down : at her feet he bowed, he fell : 
 where he bowed, there he fell down dead. — Judges V. 
 
 Lord my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me. Lord, thou 
 hast brought up my soul from the grave : thou hast kept me alive, that I 
 should not go down to the pit. Sing unto the Lord, ye saints of his, and 
 give thanks. — Psalm XXX. 
 
 And he said unto me, Son of man, can these bones live ? — Ezch. XXXVII. 
 
 Prove all chings ; hold fast that which is good. — 1 Thess. V. 
 
 For if we be dead with him, we shall also live with him. — 2 Tim. II. 
 
 For the great day of his wrath is come ; and who shall be able to stand ? 
 — Rev. VI. 
 
 And the gates of it shall not be shut at all by day ; for there shall be no 
 night there. — Rev. XXI. 
 
 THE POWER OF SHORT WORDS. 
 
 Think not that strength lies in the big round word, 
 
 Or that the brief and plain must needs be weak. 
 To whom can this be true who once has heard 
 
 The cry for help, the tongue that all men speak, 
 When want or woe or fear is in the throat, 
 
 So that each word gasped out is like a shriek 
 Pressed from the sore heart, or a strange wild note, 
 
 Sung by some fay or fiend ? There is a strength 
 Which dies if stretched too far or spun too fine, 
 
 Which has more height than breadth, more depth than length. 
 Let but this force of thought and speech be mine, 
 
 And he that will may take the sleek fat phrase 
 Which glows and burns not, though it gleam and shine — 
 
 Light, but no heat — a flash, but not a blaze ! 
 
THE BIBLE. 103 
 
 Nor is it mere strength that the short word boasts : 
 
 It serves of more than fight or storm to tell, 
 The roar of waves that clash on rOck-bound coasts, 
 
 The crash of tall trees when the wild winds swell, 
 The roar of guns, the groans of men that die 
 
 On blood-stained fields. It has a voice as well 
 For them that far off on their sick-beds lie; 
 
 For them that weep, for them that mourn the dead; 
 For them that laugh and dance and clap the hand j 
 
 To joy's quick step, as well as grief's slow tread, 
 The sweet, plain words we learnt at first keep time, 
 
 And though the theme be sad, or gay, or grand, 
 With each, with all, these may be made to chime, 
 
 In thought, or speech, or song, in prose or rhyme. 
 
 Dr. Alexander, Princeton Magazine. 
 
 €i>t iSitle. 
 
 God's cabinet of revealed counsel 'tis, 
 Where weal and woe are ordered so 
 That every man may know which shall be his; 
 Unless his own mistake false application make. 
 
 It is the index to eternity. 
 
 He cannot miss of endless bliss, 
 
 That takes this chart to steer by, 
 
 Nor can he be mistook, that speaketh by this book. 
 
 It is the book of God. What if I should 
 
 Say, God of books, let him that looks 
 
 Angry at that expression, as too bold, 
 
 His thoughts in silence smother, till he find such another. 
 
 ACCURACY OF THE BIBLE. 
 
 One of the most remarkable results of modern research is 
 the confirmation of the accuracy of the historical books of the 
 Old Testament. The ruins of Babylon and Nineveh shed a 
 light on those books which no skepticism can invalidate. What 
 surprises us most is their marvellous accuracy in minute details, 
 which are now substantiated by recent discoveries. The fact 
 seems to be that when writing was laboriously performed on 
 
104 THE BIBLE 
 
 stone, men had an almost superstitious conscientiousness in 
 making their records true, and had not learned the modern in- 
 difference to truth which our facile modes of communicating 
 thought have encouraged. A statement to be chiselled on rock 
 must be correct; a statement which can be written in five 
 minutes is likely to embody only first impressions, which may 
 be amended in five minutes thereafter. Hence it comes to pass 
 that we know more exactly many things which took place in 
 the wars between Sennacherib and Hezekiah, than we know 
 what is the precise truth with regard to some of the occur- 
 rences in the battle of Bunker's Hill. Sir Henry Rawlinson, 
 speaking of his researches in Babylon, states that the name 
 and situation of every town of note in ancient Assyria, men- 
 tioned in the Bible, can be substantiated by the ruins of that 
 city. The visit of the Queen of Sheba to Solomon is perfectly 
 verified. The prosecution of the researches will be regarded 
 with great interest as corroborating the truth of Scripture. 
 
 An astonishing feature of the word of God is, notwithstand- 
 ing the time at which its compositions were written, and the 
 multitude of the topics to which it alludes, there is not one 
 physical error, — not one assertion or allusion disproved by the 
 progress of modern science. None of those mistakes which 
 the science of each succeeding age discovered in the books pre- 
 ceding; above all, none of those absurdities which modern 
 astronomy indicates in such great numbers in the writings of 
 the ancients, — in their sacred codes, in their philosophy, and 
 even in the finest pages of the fathers of the Church, — not one of 
 these errors is to be found in any of our sacred books. Nothing 
 there will ever contradict that which, after so many ages, the 
 investigations of the learned world have been able to reveal to 
 us on the state of our globe, or on that of the heavens. Peruse 
 with care the Scriptures from one end to the other, to find such 
 blemishes, and, whilst you apply yourselves to this examina- 
 tion, remember that it is a book which speaks of every thing, 
 which describes nature, which recites its creation, which tells 
 us of the water, of the atmosphere, of the mountains, of the 
 
THE BIBLE. 105 
 
 animals, and of the plants. It is a book which teaches us the 
 first revolutions of the world, and which also foretells its last. 
 It recounts them in the circumstantial language of history, it 
 extols them in the sublimest strains of poetry, and it chants 
 them in the charms of glowing song. It is a book which is full 
 of Oriental rapture, elevation, variety, and boldness. It is a 
 book which speaks of the heavenly and invisible world, whilst 
 it also speaks of the earth and things visible. It is a book 
 which nearly fifty writers, of every degree of cultivation, of 
 every state, of every conditiou, and living through the course 
 of fifteen hundred years, have concurred to make. It is a book 
 which was written in the centre of Asia, in the sands of Arabia, 
 in the deserts of Judea, in the court of the Temple of the Jews, 
 in the music-schools of the prophets of Bethel and Jericho, in 
 the sumptuous palaces of Babylon, and on the idolatrous banks 
 of Chebar; and finally, in the centre of Western civilization, in 
 the midst of the Jews and of their ignorance, in the midst of 
 polytheism and its sad philosophy. It is a book whose first 
 writer had been forty years a pupil of the magicians of Egypt, 
 in whose opinion the sun, the stars, and elements were en- 
 dowed with intelligence, reacted on the elements, and governed 
 the world by a perpetual illuvium. It is a book whose first 
 writer preceded, by more than nine hundred years, the most 
 ancient philosophers of ancient Greece and Asia, — the Thaleses, 
 and the Pythagorases, the Zaleucuses, the Xenophons, and the 
 Confuciuses. It is a book which carries its narrations even to 
 the hierarchies of angels — even to the most distant epochs of 
 the future, and the glorious scenes of the last day. Well : 
 search among its fifty authors, search among its sixty-six 
 books, its eleven hundred and eighty-nine chapters, and its 
 thirty-one thousand one hundred and seventy-three verses; 
 search for only one of those thousand errors which the ancients 
 and moderns have committed io speaking of the heavens 
 or of the earth — of their revolutions, of their elements ; search 
 —but you will find none. 
 
106 THE BIBLE. 
 
 THE TESTIMONY OF LEARNED MEN. 
 
 Sir William Jones' opinion of the Bible was written on 
 the last leaf of one belonging to him, in these terms : — " I have 
 regularly and attentively read these Holy Scriptures, and am 
 of opinion that this volume, independently of its Divine ori- 
 gin, contains more sublimity and beauty, more pure morality, 
 more important history and finer strains of poetry and elo- 
 quence, than can be collected from all other books, in whatever 
 age or language they may have been composed/' 
 
 Rousseau says, "This Divine Book, the only one which is 
 indispensable to the Christian, need only be read with reflec- 
 tion to inspire love for its author, and the most ardent desire 
 to obey its precepts. Never did virtue speak so sweet a lan- 
 guage ; never was the most profound wisdom expressed with so 
 much energy and simplicity. No one can arise from its perusal 
 without feeling himself better than he was before." 
 
 Wilberforce, in his dying hour, said to a friend, "Read 
 the Bible. Let no religious book take its place. Through all 
 my perplexities and distresses, I never read any other book, 
 and I never knew the want of any other. It has been my 
 hourly study; and all my knowledge of the doctrines, and all 
 my acquaintance with the experience and realities, of religion, 
 have been derived from the Bible only. I think religious peo- 
 ple do not read the Bible enough. Books about religion may 
 be useful enough, but they will not do instead of the simple 
 truth of the Bible." 
 
 Lord BOlingbroke declared that "the Gospel is, in all 
 cases, one continued lesson of the strictest morality, of justice, 
 of benevolence, and of universal charity." 
 
 Similar testimony has been accorded in the strongest terms 
 by Locke, Newton, Boyle, Selden, Salmasius, Sir Wal- 
 ter Scott, and numberless others. 
 
 Daniel Webster, having been commended for his eloquence 
 on a memorable occasion, replied, " If any thing I have ever 
 said or written deserves the feeblest encomiums of my fellow- 
 
THE BIBLE. 107 
 
 countrymen, I have no hesitation in declaring that for their 
 partiality I am indebted, solely indebted, to the daily and at- 
 tentive perusal of the Holy Scriptures, the source of all true 
 poetry and eloquence, as well as of all good and all comfort." 
 
 John Quincy Adams, in a letter to his son in 1811, says, 
 "I have for many years made it a practice to read through the 
 Bible once every year. My custom is to read four or five chap- 
 ters every morning, immediately after rising from my bed. It 
 employs about an hour of my time, and seems to me the most 
 suitable manner of beginning the day. In whatsoever light 
 we regard the Bible, whether with reference to revelation, to 
 history, or to morality, it is an invaluable and inexhaustible 
 mine of knowledge and virtue." 
 
 Addison says, in relation to the poetry of the Bible, 
 "After perusing the Book of Psalms, let a judge of the beau- 
 ties of poetry read a literal translation of Horace or Pindar, 
 and he will find in these two last such an absurdity and con- 
 fusion of style, with such a comparative poverty of imagination, 
 as will make him sensible of the vast superiority of Scripture 
 style. " 
 
 Lord Byron, in a letter to Mrs. Sheppard, said, in refer- 
 ence to the truth of Christianity, " Indisputably, the firm 
 believers in the Gospel have a great advantage over all others, 
 for this simple reason : — that, if true, they will have their re- 
 ward hereafter j and if there be no hereafter, they can be but 
 with the infidel in his eternal sleep, having had the assistance 
 of an exalted hope through life, without subsequent disappoint- 
 ment, since (at the worst, for them) out of nothing nothing 
 can arise, — not even sorrow." The following lines of Walter 
 Scott are said to have been copied in his Bible : — 
 
 Within this awful volume lies 
 
 The mystery of mysteries. 
 
 Oh ! happiest they of human race, 
 
 To whom our God has given grace 
 
 To hear, to read, to fear, to pray, 
 
 To lift the latch, and force the way; 
 
 But better had they ne'er been born, 
 
 Who read to doubt, or read to scorn. — Monastery. 
 
108 THE BIBLE. 
 
 ENGLISH BIBLE TRANSLATIONS. 
 
 Our version of the Bible is to be loved and prized for this, as for a thou- 
 sand other things, — that it has preserved a purity of meaning to many terms 
 of natural objects. Without this holdfast, our vitiated imaginations would 
 refine away language to mere abstractions. Hence the French have lost their 
 poetical language j and Blanco White says the same thing has happened to 
 the Spanish. — Coleridge. 
 
 Wickliffe's Bible. — This was the first translation made into 
 the language. It was translated by John Wickliffe, about the 
 year 1384, but never printed, though there are manuscript 
 copies of it in several public libraries. 
 
 Tyndale's Bible. — The translation of William Tyndale, as- 
 sisted by Miles Coverdale, was the first printed Bible in the 
 English language. The New Testament was published in 
 1526. It was revised and republished in 1530. In 1532, Tyn- 
 dale and his associates finished the whole Bible, except the 
 Apocrypha, and printed it abroad. 
 
 Matthews' Bible. — While Tyndale was preparing a second 
 edition of the Bible, he was taken up and burned for heresy in 
 Flanders. On his death, Coverdale and John Rogers revised 
 it, and added a translation of the Apocrypha. It was dedicated 
 to Henry VIII., in 1537, and was printed at Hamburg, under 
 the borrowed name of Thomas Matthews, whence it was called 
 Matthews' Bible. 
 
 Cranmer's Bible. — This was the first Bible printed by author- 
 ity in England, and publicly set up in the churches. It was 
 Tyndale's version, revised by Coverdale, and examined by Cran- 
 mer, who added a preface to it, whence it was called Cranmer's 
 Bible. It was printed by Grafton, in large folio, in 1539. 
 After being adopted, suppressed, and restored under successive 
 reigns, a new edition was brought out in 1562. 
 
 The Geneva Bible. — In 1557, the whole Bible in quarto was 
 printed at Geneva by Rowland Harte, some of the English 
 refugees continuing in that city solely for that purpose. The 
 
THE BIBLE. 109 
 
 translators were Bishop Coverdale, Anthony Gilby, William 
 Whittingham, Christopher. Woodman, Thomas Sampson, and 
 Thomas Cole — to whom some add John Knox, John Bodleigh, 
 and John Pullain, all zealous Calvinists, both in doctrine and 
 discipline. But the chief and most learned of them were the 
 first three. Of this translation there were about thirty editions, 
 mostly printed by the King's and Queen's printers, from 1560 
 to 1616. In this version, the first distinction in verses was 
 made. The following is a copy of the title-page of the 
 edition of 1559, omitting two quotations from the Scrip- 
 tures : — 
 
 THE BIBLE. 
 THAT IS. THE HO- 
 LT SCRIPTURES' CONTEI- 
 NED IN THE OLDE AND NEWE 
 TESTAMENT. 
 Translated According 
 to the Ebrew and Greeke, and conferred with the 
 best translations in divers languages. 
 "With most profitable Annotations vpon all the hard 
 places, 
 and other things of Great importance. 
 IMPRINTED AT LONDON 
 by the Deputies of Christopher Barker, Printer to the 
 Queenes most excellent Maiestie, 
 1599. 
 Cum priuilegio. 
 
 To some editions of the Geneva Bible, one of which is this 
 of 1599, is subjoined Beza's translation of the new text into 
 English by L. Tomson, who was under-secretary to Sir Francis 
 Walsingham. But, though he pretends to translate from Beza, 
 he has seldom varied a word from the Geneva translation. Dr. 
 Geddes gives honorable testimony to the last Geneva version, as 
 he does not hesitate to declare that he thinks it in general 
 better than that of the King James translators. Our readers 
 will hardly agree with him when they read some extracts from 
 it appended in a succeeding paragraph. * 
 
 10 
 
110 THE BIBLE. 
 
 The typographical appearance of this work is quite a curi- 
 osity. Like most of the old books, it is well printed, and is 
 ornamented with the pen. The head and foot rules, as well as 
 the division of the columns, are made with the pen in red ink. 
 The title-page is quite profusely ornamented with red lines. 
 
 This translation of the Bible is known as " the breeches 
 Bible," from the following rendering of Genesis iii. 7 : — 
 
 Then the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were 
 naked; and they sewed fig tree leaves together, and made themselves 
 breeches. 
 
 A peculiarity in this Bible is the substitution of the letter v 
 for u, and, vice versa, u for v. The name of Eve is printed 
 Heuah (Hevah); Cain is printed Kain; Abel, Habel; Enoch, 
 Henock; Isaac, Ishak; Hebrew, Ebrew, &c. The translations 
 of many of the passages differ materially from our received 
 version. The following will serve as illustrations : — 
 
 Thus he cast out man ; and at the East side of the garden of Eden he 
 set the cherubims, and the blade of a sword shaken, to keep the way of the 
 tree of life. — Genesis iii. 24. 
 
 Then it repented the Lorde that he had made man in the earth, and ho 
 was sorie in his heart. — Gen. vi. 6. 
 
 Make thee an Arkee of pine trees; thou shalt make cabins in the Arkee, 
 and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch. Thou shalt make it with 
 the lower, second and third roome. — Gen. vi. 14, 16. 
 
 And he said, Hagar, Sarais maide, whence comest thou ? & whether wilt 
 thou go? and she said, I flee from my dame Sarai. — Gen. xvi. 8. 
 
 When Abram was ninetie years old & nine, the Lord appeared to Abram, 
 and said unto him, I am God all sufficient, walke before me, and bo thou up- 
 right. — Gen. xvii. 1. 
 
 Then Abraham rose vp from the sight of his corps, and talked with the 
 Hittites, saying, I am a stranger and a forreiner among you, Ac. — Gen. 
 xxiii. 3, 4. 
 
 Then Abraham yielded the spirit and died in a good age, an olde man. 
 and of great yeeres, and was gathered to his people. — Gen. xxv. 8. 
 
 •As many were astonied at thee (his visago was so deformed of men, and 
 his forme of the sonnes of men) so shall hee spunckle many nations. — Isa. lit 
 14 This chapter has but fourteen versea in it 
 
THE BIBLE. HI 
 
 Can the blacke Moore change his skinne ? or the leopard his spots ?— 
 Jer. xiii. 23. 
 
 And after those days we trussed up our fardles, and went up to Jeru- 
 salem. — Acts xxi. 15. 
 
 But Jesus sayde vnto her, Let the children first bee fed ; for it is not good 
 to take the childrens bread, and to cast it unto whelps. Then shee answered, 
 and said unto him, Truthe, Lordo ; yet in deede the whelps <tate under the 
 table of the childrens crumnies. — Mark vii. 27, 28. 
 
 And she broght forth her fyrst begotten sonne, and wrapped him in swad- 
 lyng clothes, and layd him in a cretche, because there was no rowme for 
 them with in the ynne. — Luke ii. 7. 
 
 The Bishops' Bible. — Archbishop Parker engaged bishops 
 and other learned men to bring out a new translation. They 
 did so in 1568, in large folio. It made what was afterwards 
 called the great English Bible, and commonly the Bishops' 
 Bible. In 1589 it was published in octavo, in small, but fine 
 black letter. In it the chapters were divided into verses, but 
 without any breaks for them. 
 
 Matthew Parker's Bible. — The Bishops' Bible underwent 
 some corrections, and was printed in large folio in 1572, and 
 called Matthew Parker's Bible. The version was used in the 
 churches for forty years. 
 
 The Douay Bible. — The New Testament was brought out 
 by the Roman Catholics in 1582, and called the Rhemish New 
 Testament. It was condemned by the Queen of England, and 
 copies were seized by her authority and destroyed. In 1609 
 and 1610, the Old Testament was added, and the whole pub- 
 lished at Douay, hence called the Douay Bible. 
 
 King James's Bible. — The version now in use was brought out 
 by King James's authority in 1611. Fifty-four learned men 
 were employed to accomplish the work of revising it. From 
 death or other cause, seven of them failed to enter upon it. 
 The remaining forty-seven were ranged under six divisions, and 
 had different portions of the Bible assigned to those divisions. 
 They commenced their task in 1607. After some three or 
 four years of diligent labor, the whole was completed. This ver- 
 sion was generally adopted, and the other translations fell into 
 disuse. It has continued in use until the present time. 
 
112 THE BIBLE, 
 
 h 
 
 In the New 27 
 
 " « 260 
 
 " " 7,959 
 
 " " 181,253 
 
 Total 66 
 
 DISSECTION OF THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS 
 
 }- 
 
 Chapters 929 
 
 Verses 23,214 
 
 Words 592,439 
 
 Books in the Old , 
 Testament 
 
 Letters 2,728,100 
 
 .838,380 
 
 " 1,189 
 
 " 31,173 
 
 « 773,692 
 
 « 3,566,480 
 
 APOCRYPHA. 
 
 Chapters 183 | Verses 6,081 | Words 152,185 
 
 The middle chapter and the least in the Bible is Psalm cxvii. 
 
 The middle verse is the eighth of Psalm cxviii. 
 
 The middle line is in 2d Chronicles, 4th chapter, 16th verse. 
 
 The word and occurs in the Old Testament 35,543 times. 
 
 The same in the New Testament, 10,684. 
 
 The word Jehovah occurs 6,855 times. 
 
 OLD TESTAMENT. 
 
 The middle book is Proverbs. 
 
 The middle chapter is Job xxix. 
 
 The middle verse is in 2d Chronicles, 20th chapter, between 
 the 17th and 18th verses. 
 
 The least verse is in 1st Chronicles, 1st chapter, and 25th 
 verse. 
 
 NEW TESTAMENT. 
 
 The middle book is the 2d epistle to Thessalonians. 
 
 The middle chapter is between the 13th and 14th of 
 Romans. 
 
 The middle verse is the 17th chapter of Acts, and 17th 
 verse. 
 
 The least verse is the 11th chapter of John, verse 35. 
 
 The 21st verse of the 7th chapter of Ezra has all the letters 
 of the alphabet in it. 
 
 The 19th chapter of the 2d book of Kings, and the 37th of 
 Isaiah, are alike. 
 
 N.B. — Three years are said to have been spent in this curi- 
 ous but idle calculation. 
 
THE BIBLE. 113 
 
 DISTINCTIONS IN THE GOSPELS. 
 
 1. In regard to their external features and characteristics: 
 The point of view of the first gospel is mainly Israelitic; 
 
 of the second, Gentile ; of the third, universal ; of the fourth, 
 Christian. 
 
 The general aspect, and so to speak, physiognomy of the 
 first, mainly, is oriental; of the second, Roman; of the third, 
 Greek; of the fourth, spiritual. 
 
 The style of the first is stately and rhythmical; of the 
 second, terse and precise; of the third, calm and copious;- of 
 the fourth, artless and colloquial. 
 
 The striking characteristic of the first is symmetry ; of the 
 second compression; of the third, order; of the fourth, system. 
 
 The thought and language of the first are both Hebraistic; 
 of the third, both Hellenistic ; while in the second, thought 
 is often accidental though the language is Hebraistic; and in 
 the fourth, the language is Hellenistic, but the thought 
 Hebraistic. 
 
 2. In respect to their subject-matter and contents : 
 
 In the first gospel, narrative; in the second, memoirs; in 
 the third, history; in the fourth, dramatic portraiture. 
 
 In the first we often have the record of events in their ac- 
 complishment; in the second, events in detail; in the third, 
 events in their connection; in the fourth, events in relation 
 to the teaching springing from them. 
 
 Thus in the first we often meet with the notice of impres- 
 sions; in the second, of facts; in the third, of motives; in 
 the fourth, of words spoken. 
 
 And, lastly, the record of the first is mainly collective, and 
 .often antithetical; of the second, graphic and circumstantial; 
 of the third, didactic and reflective ; of the fourth, selective 
 and supplemental. 
 
 3. In respect to their portraiture of our Lord : 
 
 The first presents him to us mainly as the Messiah; the 
 
 second, mainly as the God-man; the third, as the Redeemer; 
 
 the fourth, as the only begotten Son of God. 
 H 10* 
 
114 THE BIBLE. 
 
 BOOKS MENTIONED IN THE BIBLE NOW LOST OR UNKNOWN. 
 
 1. The Prophecy of Enoch. See Epistle to Jude, 14. 
 
 2. The Book of the Wars of the Lord. See Numb. xxi. 14. 
 
 3. The Prophetical Gospel of Eve, which relates to the 
 Amours of the Sons of God with the Daughters of Men. See 
 Origen cont. Celsum, Tertul. &c. 
 
 4. Thfc Book of Jasher. See Joshua x. 13 ; and 2 Samuel 
 i. 18. 
 
 ' 5. The Book of Iddo the Seer. See 2 Chronicles ix. 29, 
 and xii. 15. 
 
 6. The Book of Nathan the Prophet. See as above. 
 , 7. The Prophecies of Ahijah, the Shilonite. See as above. 
 
 8. The acts of Rehoboam, in Book of Shemaiah. See 2 
 Chronicles xii. 15. 
 
 9. The Book of Jehu the Son of Hanani. See 2 Chronicles 
 xx. 34. 
 
 10. The Five Books of Solomon, treating on the nature of 
 trees, beasts, fowl, serpents, and fishes. See 1 Kings iv. 33. 
 
 11. The 151st Psalm. 
 
 THE WORD "SELAH." 
 
 The translators of the Bible have left the Hebrew word 
 Selah, which occurs so often in the Psalms, as they found it, 
 and of course the English reader often asks his minister, or 
 some learned friend, what it means. And the minister or 
 learned friend has most often been obliged to confess ignorance, 
 because it is a matter in regard to which the most learned 
 have by no means been of one mind. The Targums, and most of 
 the Jewish commentators, give to the word the meaning of eter- 
 nally forever. Rabbi Kimchi regards it as a sign to elevate the 
 voice. The authors of the Septuagint translation appear to have 
 considered it a musical or rhythmical note. Herder inclines to 
 the opinion that it indicates a change of tone, which is expressed 
 either by increase of force, or by a transition into another time 
 and mode. Matheson thinks it is a musical note, equivalent, 
 perhaps, to the word repeat. According to Luther and others, 
 
THE BIBLE. 115 
 
 it means silence. Gesenius explains it to mean, " Let the in- 
 struments play and the singers stop." Wocher regards it as 
 equivalent to sursum corda, — up, my soul ! Sommer, after ex- 
 amining all the seventy-four passages in which the word occurs, 
 recognizes in every case "an actual appeal or summons to Je- 
 hovah." They are calls for aid, and prayers to be heard, ex- 
 pressed cither with entire directness, or if not in the impera- 
 tive, Hear, Jehovah ! or Awake, Jehovah, and the like, still, 
 earnest addresses to God that he would remember and hear, 
 &c. The word itself he considers indicative of a blast of trum- 
 pets by the priests, Selah being an abridged expression for 
 Higgaion Selah, — Higgaion indicating the sound of the stringed 
 instruments, and Selah a vigorous blast of trumpets. 
 
 HEXAMETERS IN THE BIBLE. 
 
 In the Psalms. 
 
 God came | up with a | shout: our | Lord with the | sound of a. | trumpet.|| 
 There is a | river the | flowing where- | of shall | gladden the" | city.|| 
 Halle- | lujah the | city of | God ! Je- | hovah hath | blest her.|| 
 
 In the New Testament. 
 Art thou he J that should J come, or | do we | look for a- | n5tber?|| 
 Husbands, | l5ve your | wives, and | be not | bitter a- | gainst them.fl 
 Bless'd are the | poor in | spirit, for | theirs is the | kingdom 5f | heaven.|| 
 
 Mr. Coleridge, whose enthusiastic and reverential admiration 
 of the rhetorical beauty and poetic grandeur with which the 
 Bible abounds, — all the more beautiful and the more sublime 
 because casual and unsought by the sacred writers, — took great 
 delight in pointing out the hexametrical rhythm of numerous 
 passages, particularly in the book of Isaiah : — 
 
 Hear, heavens, and give car, J earth : for the Lord hath spoken. 
 
 I have nourished and brought up children, | and they have rebelled against 
 
 me. 
 The ox knoweth his owner, | and the ass his master's crib: 
 But Israel doth not know, | my people doth not consider. 
 
116 THE BIBLE. 
 
 Winer points out the following hexameters in the original 
 Greek version of the New Testament : — 
 
 Kprjrts d | d ipcv | orai, icana \ Sqpia J yaarepet | dpyai,— Titus i. 12. 
 Hiiaa 66 | (nj dya | 9>; koI J itdiv bu> | p?j/ia ri | Xetoi/, — James i. 17. 
 Kal Tpaxji | <*S ty | Sa? »«« | faare | rofj wwii/ | vpaiii, — Heb. xii. 13. 
 
 PARALLELISM OF THE HEBREW POETRY. 
 
 The prominent characteristic of the Hebrew poetry is what 
 Bishop Lowth entitles Parallelism, that is, a certain equality, 
 resemblance, or relationship, between the members of each 
 period ; so that in two lines, or members of the same period, 
 things shall answer to things, and words to words, as if fitted, 
 to each other by a kind of rule or measure. The Psalms, Pro- 
 verbs, Solomon's Song, Job, and all the Prophets, except Daniel 
 and Jonah, abound with instances. 
 
 It is in a great measure owing to this form of composition 
 that our admirable authorized version, though executed in 
 prose, retains so much of a poetical cast; for, being strictly 
 word for word after the original, the form and order of the ori- 
 ginal sentences are preserved ; which, by this artificial struc- 
 ture, this regular alternation and correspondence of parts, 
 makes the ear sensible of a departure from the common style 
 and tone of prose. 
 
 The different kinds of parallels are illustrated in the follow- 
 ing examples : — / 
 
 Parallel* Antithetic. — Prov. X. 1, 7. 
 A wise son maketh a glad father ; 
 But a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother. 
 The memory of the just is blessed j 
 But the name of the wicked shall rot. 
 
 Parallel* Synthetic. — Prov. vi. 16-19. 
 Those six things doth the Lord hate; 
 Yea, seven are an abomination unto him: 
 A proud look, a lying tongue, 
 And hands that shed innocent blood, 
 A heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, 
 Feet that be swift in running to mischief, 
 A false witness that speaketh lies, 
 And he that soweth discord among brethren. 
 
THE BIBLE. . \yj 
 
 Constructive. — Psalm xix. 7-9. 
 The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul ; 
 The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; 
 The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; 
 The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes ; 
 The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; 
 The judgments of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether. 
 
 Parallels Synonymous. — Psalm xx. 1-4. 
 The Lord hear thee in the day of trouble ; 
 The name of the God of Jacob defend thee ; 
 Send thee help from the sanctuary, 
 And strengthen thee out of Zion ; 
 Remember all thine offerings, 
 And accept thy burnt sacrifice ; 
 Grant thee according to thine own heart, 
 And fulfil all thy counsel. 
 
 Grradational. — Psalm i. 1. 
 Blessed is the man 
 That walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, 
 Nor standeth in the way of sinners, 
 Nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. 
 
 Parallels Introverted. — Prov. xxiii. 15, 16. 
 My son, if thy heart be wise, 
 
 My heart shall rejoice, even mine ; 
 
 Yea, my reins shall rejoice 
 When thy lips speak right things. 
 
 It may be objected to Hebrew poetry, says G-ilfillan, that it 
 has no regular rhythm except a rude parallelism. What then ? 
 Must it be, therefore, altogether destitute of music ? Has not 
 the rain a rhythm of its own, as it patters on the pane, or sinks 
 on the bosom of its kindred pool ? Has not the wind a har- 
 mony, as it bows the groaning woods, or howls over the man- 
 sions of the dead ? Have not the waves of ocean their wild 
 bass ? Has not the thunder its own deep and dreadful organ- 
 pipe ? Do they speak in rhyme ? Do they murmur in blank 
 verse ? Who taught them to begin in Iambics, or to close in 
 Alexandrines ? And shall not God's own speech have a pecu- 
 liar note, no more barbarous than is the voice of the old woods 
 or the older cataracts ? 
 
118 • THE BIBLE. 
 
 Besides, to call parallelism a coarse or uncouth rhythm, be- 
 trays an ignorance of its nature. Without entering at large 
 on the subject of Hebrew versification, we may ask any one 
 who has paid even a slight attention to the subject, if the 
 effect of parallels such as the foregoing examples, perpetually 
 intermingled as they are, be not to enliven the composition, 
 often to give distinctness and precision to the train of thought, 
 to impress the sentiments upon the memory, and to give out a 
 harmony which, if inferior to rhyme in the compression pro- 
 duced by the difficulty (surmounted) of uniting varied sense 
 with recurring sound, and in the pleasure of surprise; and to 
 blank verse, in freedom, in the effects produced by the va>- 
 riety of pause, and in the force of long and linked passages, 
 as well as of insulated lines, is less slavish than the one, and 
 less arbitrary than the other ? Unlike rhyme, its point is more 
 that of thought than of language ; unlike blank verse, it never 
 can, however managed, degenerate into heavy prose. Such is 
 parallelism, which generally forms the differential quality of the 
 poetry of Scripture, although there are many passages in it 
 destitute of this aid, and which yet, in the spirit they breathe, 
 and the metaphors by which they are garnished, are genuine 
 and high poetry. And there can be little question that in the 
 parallelism of the Hebrew tongue we can trace many of the 
 peculiarities of modern writing, and in it find the fountain of 
 the rhythm, the pomp and antithesis, which lend often such 
 grace, and always such energy, to the style of Johnson, of Ju- 
 nius,' of Burke, of Hall, of Chalmers, — indeed, of most writers 
 who rise to the grand swells of prose-poetry. 
 
 SIMILARITY OP SOUND. 
 
 There is a remarkable similarity of sound in a passage in the 
 Second Book of Kings, ch. iii. v. 4, to the metrical rhythm of 
 Campbell's Battle of the Baltic: — 
 
 A hundred thousand lambs, 
 And a hundred thousand rams, 
 With the wool. 
 
THE BIBLE. 119 
 
 By each gun the lighted brand, 
 In a bold determined hand, 
 And the Prince of all the land 
 Led them on. 
 
 PARALLEL PASSAGES BETWEEN SHAKSPEARE AND THE 
 BIBLE. 
 
 An English minister, Rev. T. R. Eaton, has written a work 
 entitled Shakspeare and the Bible, for the purpose of showing 
 how much Shakspeare was indebted to the Bible for many of 
 his illustrations, rhythms, and even modes of feeling. The 
 author affirms that, in storing his mind, the immortal bard 
 went first to the word, and then to the works, of God. In 
 shaping the truths derived from these sources, he obeyed the 
 instinct implanted by Him who had formed him Shakspeare. 
 Hence his power of inspiring us with sublime affection for that 
 which is properly good, and of chilling us with horror by his 
 fearful delineations of evil. Shakspeare perpetually reminds 
 us of the Bible, not by direct quotations, indirect allusion, bor- 
 rowed idioms, or palpable imitation of phrase or style, but by an 
 elevation of thought and simplicity of diction which are not to 
 be found elsewhere. A passage, for instance, rises in our 
 thoughts, unaccompanied by a clear recollection of its origin. 
 Our first impression is that it must belong either to the Bible 
 or Shakspeare. No other author excites the same feeling in an 
 equal degree. In Shakspeare's plays religion is a vital and 
 active principle, sustaining the good, tormenting the wicked, 
 and influencing the hearts and lives of all. 
 
 Although the writer carries his leading idea too far, by strain- 
 ing passages to multiply the instances in which Shakspeare has 
 imitated scriptural sentences in thought and construction, and 
 by leading his readers to infer that it was from the Bible Shak- 
 speare drew not only his best thoughts, but in fact his whole 
 power of inspiring us with affection for, good and horror for 
 evil, it is certainly true that some hundreds of Biblical allu- 
 sions, however brief and simple, show Shakspeare's conversance 
 with the Bible, his fondness for it, and the almost unconscious 
 
120 THE BIBLE. 
 
 recurrence of it in his mind. The following examples of his 
 parallelisms will be found interesting : — 
 
 Othello. — Rude am I in my speech. — i. 3. 
 
 But though I be rude in speech. — 2 Cor. xi. 6. 
 
 Witches. — Show his eyes and grieve his heart. — Macbeth, iv. 1. 
 
 Consume thine eyes and grieve thine heart. — 1 Sam. ii. 33. 
 
 Macbeth. — Lighted fools the way to dusty death. — v. 5. 
 
 Thou hast brought me into the dust of death. — Ps. xxii. 15. 
 
 Dusty death alludes to the sentence pronounced against 
 Adam : — 
 
 Dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. — Gen. iii. 19. 
 
 Macbeth. — Life's but a walking shadow. — v. 5. 
 
 Man walketh in a vain show. — Ps. xxxix. 6. 
 
 Prince of Morocco. — Mislike me not for my complexion, 
 
 The shadowM livery of the burnished sun. — Merch.Ven. ii. 1. 
 
 Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon 
 me. — Sol. Song, i. 6. 
 
 Othello. — I took by the throat, the circumcised dog, and smote him. — v. 2. 
 
 I smote him, I caught him by his beard and smote him, and slew him.— 
 1 Sam. xvii. 35. 
 
 Macbeth. — Let this pernicious hour stand aye accursed in the calendar. — 
 iv. 1. 
 
 Opened Job his mouth and cursed his day ; let it not be joined unto the days 
 of the year, let it not come into the number of the months. — Job iii. 1, 6. 
 
 Hamlet. — What a piece of work is man ! How noble in reason, how infinite 
 in faculties ! In form and moving, how express and admirable ! In ac- 
 tion, how like an angel ! In apprehension, how like a God ! The beauty 
 of the world, the paragon of animals ! — ii. 2. 
 
 What is man, that thou art mindful of him ? For thou hast made him a 
 little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honor. 
 Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands. — 
 Ps. viii. 4, 5, 6. 
 
 Macbeth. — We will die with harness on our back. — v. 5. 
 
 Nicanor lay dead in his harness. — 2 Maccabees xv. 28. 
 
 Banquo. — Woe to the land that's governed by a child. 
 
 Woe to thee, land, when thy king is a child. — Eccles. x. 16. 
 
 Banquo. — In the great hand of God I stand. — Macbeth ii. 3. 
 
 Thy right hand hath holden me up. — Ps. xviii. 35. 
 
 Man the image of his Maker. — Henry VIII., iii. 2. — Gen. I. 27. 
 
 Blessed are the peacemakers.— 2 Henry VI., ii. 1. — Matt. V. 29. 
 
THE BIBLE. 121 
 
 And when he falls he falls like Lucifer. — Henry VIIL, iii. 2. 
 
 How art thou fallen from heaven, Lucifer, son of the morning I — 
 
 Isaiah xiv. 12. 
 No, Bolingbroke, if ever I were traitor, 
 
 My name be blotted from the book of life. — Richard II, i. 3. 
 Whose names were not written in the book of life. — Rev. xx., xxi. 
 Swear by thy gracious self. — Romeo and Juliet, ii. 2. 
 Ho could swear by no greater, he sware by himself. — neb. vi. 13. 
 My stay, my guide, and lantern to my feet. — 2 Henry VI, ii. 3. 
 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. — Ps. cxix. 105. 
 
 Who can call him his friend that dips in the same dish? — Timon of 
 
 Athens, iii. 2. 
 He that dippeth his hand with me in the dish, the same shall betray me. — 
 
 Matt. xxvi. 23. 
 You shall see him a palm in Athens again, and flourish with the highest. 
 
 — Timon of Athens, v. 1. 
 The righteous shall flourish like the palm-tree. — Ps. xcii. 12. 
 
 It is written, they appear to men like angels of light. — Com. of Errors, iv. 3. 
 Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. — 2 Cor. xi. 14. 
 
 And lose my way 
 Among the thorns and dangers of this world. — King John, iv. 3. 
 Thorns and snares are in the way of the froward. — Prov. xxii. 5. 
 When we first put this dangerous stone a rolling, 
 'Twould fall upon ourselves. — Henry VIII, v. 2. 
 He that rolleth a stone, it will return upon him.— Prov. xxvi. 27. 
 The speech of Ulysses, in " Troilus and Cressida," i. 3, is 
 almost a paraphrase of St. Luke xxi. 25, 26 : — 
 But when the planets 
 In evil mixture to disorder wander, 
 What plagues, and what portents ! What mutiny ! 
 What raging of the sea ! Shaking of earth ! 
 Commotion in the winds ! frights, changes, horrors, 
 Divert and crack, rend and deracinate 
 The unity and married calm of states 
 Quite from their fixture. 
 And there shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars ; 
 and upon the earth distress of nations, with perplexity ; the sea and 
 the waves roaring; men's hearts failing them for fear, and for looking 
 after those things which are ooming on the earth; for the powers of 
 heaven shall be shaken. 
 
 11 
 
122 THE BIBLE. 
 
 Hermia and Lear both use an expression derived from the 
 same source : — 
 
 Hermia. — An adder did it; for with doubler tongue 
 
 Than thine, thou serpent, never adder stung. — Mid. N. Dream, iii. 2. 
 Lear. — Struck me with her tongue, 
 
 Most serpent-like, upon the very heart. — ii. 4. 
 They have sharpened their tongues like a serpent; adders' poison is under 
 their lips. — Ps. cxl. 3. 
 
 Lear. — All the stored vengeances of heaven fall on her ingrateful top. — 
 
 ii. 4. 
 A.s for the head of those that compass me about, let . the mischief of their 
 
 own lips cover them. — Ps. cxl. 9. 
 
 Fool to King Lear. — We'll set thee to school to an ant, to teach thee 
 there's no laboring in the winter. — ii. 4. 
 
 The ants are a people not strong, yet they prepare their meat in the sum- 
 mer. — Prov. xxx. 25. See also Prov. vi. 6. 
 
 WHO IS THE TRUE GENTLEMAN? 
 
 The answer to this question will afford one of numberless 
 instances that can be adduced to show the superiority of in- 
 spired composition. Compare Bishop Doane's admired defini- 
 tion with that of the Psalmist: — 
 
 A gentleman is but a gentle man — no more, no less ; a diamond polished 
 that was a diamond in the rough: a gentleman is gentle; a gentleman is 
 modest; a gentleman is courteous; a gentleman is generous; a gentleman 
 is slow to take offence, as being one that never gives it ; a gentleman is slow 
 to surmise evil, as being one that never thinks it; a gentleman goes armed 
 only in consciousness of right; a gentleman subjects his appetites; a gentle- 
 man refines his tastes ; a gentleman subdues his feelings ; a gentleman con- 
 trols his speech; and finally, a gentleman deems every other better than 
 himself. 
 
 In the paraphrase of Psalm xv. it is thus answered : — 
 'Tis he whose every thought and deed 
 
 By rules of virtue moves; 
 Whose generous tongue disdains to speak 
 
 The thing his heart disproves. 
 Who never did a slander forge, 
 
 His neighbor's fame to wound, 
 Nor hearken to a false report, 
 By malice whispered round. 
 Who vice, in all its pomp and power, 
 Can treat with just neglect, 
 
THE BIBLE. 123 
 
 And piety, though clothed in rags, 
 
 Religiously respect 
 Who to his plighted vows and trust 
 
 Has ever firmly stood ; 
 And though he promise to his loss, 
 
 He makes his promise good. 
 Whose soul in usury disdains 
 
 His treasure to employ ; 
 Whom no rewards can ever bribe 
 
 The guiltless to destroy. 
 
 MISQUOTATIONS FROM SCRIPTURE. 
 
 u God tempers the wind to the shorn lamb."* From Sterne's Sentimental 
 Journey to Italy. Compare Isaiah xxvii. 8. 
 
 " In the midst of life we are in death." From the Burial Service ; and this, 
 originally, from a hymn of Luther. 
 
 " Bread and wine which the Lord hath commanded to be received." From 
 the English Catechism. 
 
 HN/ot to be wise above what is written." Not in Scripture. 
 
 "That the Spirit would go from heart to heart as oil from vessel to vessel." 
 Not in Scripture. 
 
 " The merciful man is merciful to his beast." The scriptural form is, " A 
 righteous man regardeth the life of his beast." — Prov. xii. 10. 
 
 "A nation shall be born in a day." In Isaiah it reads, "Shall a nation be 
 born at once?" — lxvi. 8. 
 
 "As iron sharpeneth iron, so doth a man the countenance of his friend." 
 "Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend." 
 Prov. xxvii. 17. 
 
 " That he who runs may read." " That he may run that readeth." — Hab. ii. 2. 
 
 " Owe no man any thing but love." " Owe no man any thing, but to love 
 one another." — Rom. xiii. 8. 
 
 " Prone to sin as the sparks fly upward." " Born unto trouble, as the 
 sparks fly upward." — Job v. 7. 
 
 " Exalted to heaven in point of privilege." Not in the Bible. 
 
 Eve was not Adam's helpmate, but merely a help meet for him ; nor was 
 Absalom's long hair, of which he was so proud, the instrument of his destruc- 
 tion ;f his head, and not the hair upon it, having been caught in the boughs 
 of the tree. (2 Samuel xviii. 9.) 
 
 * In a collection of proverbs published in 1594, we find, " Dieu mesnre le 
 vent d, la brebis tondue," and Herbert has in his Jacula Prudentum, "To a 
 close shorn sheep God gives wind by measure." 
 
 f A London periwig-maker once had a sign upon which was painted Absa- 
 lom suspended from the branches of the oak by his hair, and underneath tha 
 following couplet : — 
 
 If Absalom hadn't worn his own hair, 
 He'd ne'er been found a hanging there. 
 
124 THE BIBLE. 
 
 ** Money is the root of evil." Paul said, I. Timothy, vi. 10, " The love 
 of money is the root of all evil." 
 
 u In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread," Gen. iii. 19. Commonly 
 quoted " brow." 
 
 " Cleanliness akin to godliness." Not in the Bible. 
 
 Our Lord's hearing the doctors in the Temple, and asking them questions, 
 is frequently called his disputing with the doctors. 
 
 A SCRIPTURAL BULL. 
 
 In the book of Isaiah, chapter xxxvii. verse 36, is the follow- 
 ing confusion of ideas: — 
 
 Then the angel of the Lord went forth, and smote in the camp of the 
 Assyrians a hundred and fourscore and five thousand: and when they 
 arose early in the morning, behold, they were all dead corpses. 
 
 WIT AND HUMOR IN THE BIBLE. 
 
 " Shocking ! " many a good old saint will cry, at the very 
 thought of it. " The Bible a jest-book! What godless folly 
 shall we have up next?" No, the Bible is not a jest-book. 
 But there is wit in it of the first quality; and a good reason 
 why it should be there. Take a few specimens. 
 
 Job, in his thirtieth chapter, is telling how he scorned the 
 low-lived fellows, who pretend to look down on him in his 
 adversities. They are fools. They belong to the long-eared 
 fraternity. Anybody, with less wit, might come out bluntly 
 and call them asses. But Job puts it more deftly (xxx. 7) : 
 " Among the bushes they brayed; under the nettles they were 
 gathered together." If that is not wit, there is no such thing 
 as wit. And yet the commentators don't see it, or won't see 
 it. They are perfectly wooden when they come to any such 
 gleam of humor. 
 
 Take another instance — Elijah's ridicule of the prophets 
 of Baal. They are clamoring to their god, to help them out 
 of a very awkward predicament. And, while they are at it, the 
 prophet shows them up in a way that must have made the 
 
THE BIBLE. 125 
 
 people roar with laughter. The stiff, antiquated style of our 
 English Bible tames down his sallies. Take them in modern 
 phrase. These quack prophets have worked themselves into 
 a perfect desperation, and are capering about on the altar as 
 if they had the St. Vitus's dance. The scene (I. Kings xviii. 
 26, 27) wakes up all Elijah's sense of the ridiculous. " Shout 
 louder ! He is a god, you know. Make him hear ! Perhaps 
 he is chatting with somebody, or he is off on a hunt, or gone 
 traveling. Or maybe he is taking a nap. Shout away ! Wake 
 him up!" Imagine the priests going through their antics on 
 the altar, while Elijah bombards them in this style, at his 
 \eisure. 
 
 Paul shows a dry humor more than once, as in II. Cor. xii. 
 13: "Why haven't you fared as well as the other churches? 
 Ah ! there is one grievance — that you haven't had me to sup- 
 port. Pray do not lay it up against me!" 
 
 These instances might be multiplied from the Old and New 
 Testaments both. What do they show ? That the Bible is, 
 on the whole, a humorous book ? Far from it. That religion 
 is a humorous subject — that we are to throw all the wit we 
 can into the treatment of it? No. But they show that the 
 sense of the ludicrous is put into a man by his Maker; that 
 it has its uses, and that we are not to be ashamed of it, or 
 to roll up our eyes in a holy horror of it. 
 
 THE OLD AND THE NEW TESTAMENT. 
 
 The name Old Testament was applied to the books of Moses 
 by St. Paul (II. Cor. iii. 14), inasmuch as the former covenant 
 comprised the whole scheme of the Mosaic revelation, and the 
 history of this is contained in them. The phrase " book of 
 the covenant," taken from Exod. xxiv. 7, was transferred in 
 the course of time by metonymy to signify the writings them- 
 selves. The term New Testament has been in common use 
 since the third century, and was employed by Eusebius in the 
 sense in which it is now applied. 
 
 11* 
 
126 THE BIBLE. 
 
 A SCRIPTURAL SUM. 
 
 Add to your faith, virtue ; 
 
 And to virtue, knowledge ; 
 
 And to knowledge, temperance: 
 
 And to temperance, patience; 
 
 And to patience, godliness; 
 
 And to godliness, brotherly kindness; 
 
 And to brotherly kindness, charity. 
 The Answer : — For if these things be in you and abound, they make you 
 that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord 
 Jesus Christ. — 2 Peter i. 5, 8. 
 
 BIBLIOMANCY. 
 
 Bibliomancy, or divination by the Bible, had become so com 
 mon in the fifth century, that several councils were obliged ex- 
 pressly to forbid it, as injurious to religion, and savoring of 
 idolatry. 
 
 This kind of divination was named Sortes Sanctorum, or Sor- 
 tes Sacrse, Lots of the Saints, or Sacred Lots, and consisted in 
 suddenly opening, or dipping into, the Bible, and regarding the 
 passage that first presented itself to the eye as predicting the 
 future lot of the inquirer. The Sortes Sanctorum had suc- 
 ceeded the Sortes ITomericse and Sortes Virgilianse, of the Pagans; 
 among whom it was customary to take the work of some famous 
 poet, as Homer or Virgil, and write out different verses on 
 separate scrolls, and afterwards draw one of them, or else, open- 
 ing the book suddenly, consider the first verse that presented 
 itself as a prognostication of future events. Even the vagrant 
 fortune-tellers, like some of the gypsies of our own times, 
 adopted this method of imposing upon the credulity of the 
 ignorant. The nations of the East retain the practice to the 
 present day. The famous usurper, Nadir Shah, twice decided 
 upon besieging cities, by opening at random upon verses of the 
 celebrated poet Hafiz. 
 
 This abuse, which was first introduced into the church about 
 the third century, by the superstition of the people, afterwards 
 gained ground through the ignorance of some of the clergy, who 
 permitted prayers to be read in the churches for this very pur- 
 
THE NAME OF GOD. 127 
 
 pose. It was therefore found necessary to ordain in the Conn- 
 cil of Vannes, held a.d. 465, " That whoever of the clergy 
 or laity should be detected in the practice of this art should 
 be cast out of the communion of the church." In 506, the 
 Council of Agde renewed the decree; and in 578, the Council 
 of Auxerre, amongst other kinds of divination, forbade the 
 Lots of the Saints, as they were called, adding, "Let all things 
 be done in the name of the Lord;" but these ordinances did 
 not effectually suppress them, for we find them again noticed 
 and condemned in a capitulary or edict of Charlemagne, in 793. 
 Indeed, all endeavors to banish them from the Christian 
 church appear to have been in vain for ages. 
 
 E\)t Name of ©otr. 
 
 Tell them I AM, Jehovah said 
 
 To Moses, while earth heard in dread j 
 
 And, smitten to the heart, 
 At once, ahove, beneath, around, 
 All nature, without voice or sound, 
 
 Replied, Lord! THOU ART! 
 
 Christopher Smart, an English Lunatic. 
 
 It is singular that the name of God should be spelled with 
 four letters in almost every known language. It is in Latin, 
 Deus ; Greek, Zeus ; Hebrew, Adon ; Syrian, Adad ; Arabian, 
 Alia; Persian, Syra; Tartarian, Idga; Egyptian, Aumn, or 
 Zeut ; East Indian, Esgi, or Zenl ; Japanese, Zain ; Turkish, 
 Addi ; Scandinavian, Odin ; Wallachian, Zenc ; Croatian, 
 Doga; Dalmatian, Rpgt; Tyrrhenian, Eher; Etrurian, Chur; 
 Margarian,Oese; Swedish, Codd; Irish, Dich; German, Gott; 
 French, Dieu ; Spanish, Dios ; Peruvian, Lian. 
 
 The name God in the Anglo-Saxon language means good, 
 and this signification affords singular . testimony of the Angio- 
 Saxon conception of the essence of the Divine Being. He is 
 
128 THE NAME OF GOD. 
 
 goodness itself, and the Author of all goodness. Yet the idea 
 of denoting the Deity by a term equivalent to abstract and ab- 
 solute perfection, striking as it may appear, is perhaps less re- 
 markable than the fact that the word Man, used to designate a 
 human being, formerly signified wickedness ; showing how well 
 aware were its originators that our fallen nature had become 
 indentified with sin. 
 
 JEHOVAH. 
 
 The word Elohim, as an appellation of Deity, appears to 
 have been in use before the Hebrews had attained a national ex- 
 istence. That Jehovah is specifically the God of the Hebrews 
 is clear, from the fact that the heathen deities never receive this 
 name ; they are always spoken of as Elohim. Both the pronun- 
 ciation and the etymological derivation of the word Jehovah 
 are matters of critical controversy. The Jews of later periods 
 from religious awe abstained from pronouncing it, and whenever 
 it occurred in reading, substituted the word Adonai (my Lord) ; 
 and it is now generally believed that the sublinear vowel signs 
 attached to the Hebrew tetragrammaton Jhvh belong to the 
 substituted word. Many believe Jahveh to be the original pro- 
 nunciation. The Hebrew root of the word, is believed to be 
 the verb havah or hay ah, to be ; hence its meaning through- 
 out the Scriptures, "the Being," or "the Everlasting." 
 
 GOD IN SHAKSPEARE. 
 
 Michelet {Jeanne d'Arc,) speaking of English literature, says 
 that it is " Sceptique, judaique, satanique. " In a note he says, 
 " I do not recollect to have seen the word God in Shakspeare. 
 If it is there at all, it is there very rarely, by chance, and with- 
 out a shadow of religious sentiment." Mrs. Cowden Clarke, 
 by means of her admirable Concordance to Shakspeare, enables 
 us to weigh the truth of this eminent French writer's remark. 
 The word God occurs in Shakspeare upwards of one thousand 
 times, and the word heaven, which is so frequently substituted 
 for the word God — more especially in the historical plays — occurs 
 about eight hundred times. In the Holy Scriptures, according 
 
THE NAME OP GOD. 129 
 
 to Cruden, it occurs about eight hundred times. It is true that 
 the word often occurs in Shakspeare without a reverential senti- 
 ment ; but M. Michelet says it never occurs with a religious 
 feeling (un sentiment religieux.') This statement is almost as 
 erroneous as that regarding the absence of the word. It would 
 be easy for an English scholar to produce from Shakspeare more 
 passages indicative of deep religious feeling than are to be found 
 in any French writer whatever. 
 
 THE PARSEE, JEW, AND CHRISTIAN. 
 
 A Jew entered a Parsee temple, and beheld the sacred fire. 
 "What!" said he to the priest, "do you worship the fire ?" 
 
 "Not the fire," answered the priest : "it is to us an emblem 
 of the sun, and of his genial heat." 
 
 " Do you then worship the sun as your god ?" asked the Jew. 
 " Know ye not that this luminary also is but a work of that 
 Almighty Creator?" 
 
 "We know it," replied the priest: "but the uncultivated 
 man requires a sensible sign, in order to form a conception. of 
 the Most High. And is not the sun the incomprehensible 
 source of light, an image of that invisible being who blesses 
 and preserves all things ?" 
 
 "Do your people, then," rejoined the Israelite, "distinguish 
 the type from the original ? They call the sun their god, and, 
 descending even from this to a baser object, they kneel before 
 an earthly flame ! Ye amuse the outward but blind the inward 
 eye ; and while ye hold to them the earthly, ye draw from them 
 the heavenly light ! ' Thou shalt not make unto thyself any 
 image or any likeness/ " 
 
 "How do you name the Supreme Being?" asked the Parsee. 
 
 " We call him Jehovah Adonai, that is, the Lord who is,, 
 who was, and who will be," answered the Jew. 
 
 " Your appellation is grand and sublime," said the Parsee, 
 "but it is awful too." 
 
 A Christian then drew nigh, and said, — 
 
 "We call him Father. " 
 I 
 
130 i. h. s. 
 
 The Pagan and the Jew looked at each other, and said, — 
 " Here is at once an image and a reality : it is a word of the 
 heart/' 
 
 Therefore they all raised their eyes to heaven, and said, with 
 reverence and love, "Our Father!" and they took each 
 by the hand, and all three called one another brothers ! 
 
 DB NOMINE JESU. 
 
 I n rebus tantis trina conjunctio mund I 
 E rigit humanum sensum, laudare venust E 
 S ola salus nobis, et mundi summa, potesta S 
 V enit peccati nodum dissolvere fruct V 
 S uinma salus cunctas nituit per secula terra S.* 
 
 The letters I. H. S. so conspicuously appended to different 
 portions of Catholic churches, are said to have been designed 
 by St. Bernardine of Sienna, to denote the name and mission 
 of the Saviour. They are to be found in a circle above the 
 principal door of the Franciscan Church of the Holy Cross, 
 (Santa Croce,) in Florence, and are said to have been put there 
 by the saint on the termination of the plague of 1347, after 
 which they were commonly introduced into churches. The 
 letters have assigned to them the following signification : — 
 Jesus hominum Salvator — Jesut, the Saviour of men. 
 In hoc salus — In him is salvation. 
 
 •In times momentous appeared the world's triple conjunction, 
 E ncouraging human hearts to shout melodious praises. 
 S ole salvation for us, that power exalted 'bovo measure, 
 U nloosed the bonds of sin through the precious atonement. 
 S alvation illumines all earth through ages unceasing. 
 
I. H. s. 131 
 
 A maker of playing-cards, which, like missels, were illumi- 
 nated in those times, was one day remonstrated with by St. Ber- 
 nardine, upon the sinfulness of his business. The card-maker 
 pleaded the needs of his family. "Well, I will help you," 
 said the saint, and wrote the letters I. H. S., which he advised 
 the card-maker to paint and gild. The new card "took," and 
 the saint himself travelled about the country as a poster of these 
 little sacred handbills of the Church. 
 
 THE FLOWER OP JESSE. 
 1520. 
 There is a flower sprung of a tree, 
 The root of it is called Jesse, 
 A flower of price, — 
 There is none such in Paradise. 
 
 Of Lily white and Rose of Ryse, 
 Of Primrose and of Flower-do-Lyse, 
 Of all flowers in my devyce, 
 The flower of Jesse beareth the prize, 
 
 For most of all 
 To holp our souls both great and small. 
 
 I praise the flower of good Jesse, 
 Of all the flowers that ever shall be, 
 Uphold the flower of good Jesse, 
 And worship it for aye beautee; 
 
 For best of all 
 That ever was or ever be shall. 
 
 BEAUTIFUL LEGEND. 
 
 One day Rabbi Judah and his brethren, the seven pillars of 
 Wisdom, sat in the Court of the Temple, on feast-day, disputing 
 about rest. One said that it was to have attained sufficient 
 wealth, yet without sin. The second, that it was fame and 
 praise of all men. The third, that it was the possession of 
 power to rule the State. The fourth, that it consisted only in 
 a happy home. The fifth, that it must be in the old age of one 
 who is rich, powerful, famous, surrounded by children and 
 children's children. The sixth said that all that were vain H 
 unless a man keep all the ritual law of Moses. And Rabbi 
 
132 i. h. s. . 
 
 Judah, the venerable, the tallest of the brothers, said, "Ye 
 have spoken wisely ; but one thing more is necessary. He only 
 can find rest, who to all things addeth this, that he keepeth the 
 tradition of the elders." 
 
 There sat in the Court a fair-haired boy, playing with some 
 lilies in his lap, and, hearing the talk, he dropped them with asto- 
 nishment from his hands, and looked up — that boy of twelve — 
 and said, " Nay, nay, fathers : he only findeth rest, who loveth 
 his brother as himself, and God with his whole heart and soul. 
 He is greater than fame, and wealth, and power, happier than 
 a happy home, happy without it, better than honored age j he 
 is a law to himself, and above all tradition." The doctors were 
 astonished. They said, "When Christ cometh, shall He tell 
 us greater things t" And they thanked God, for they said, 
 " The old men are not always wise, yet God be praised, that 
 out of the mouth of this young suckling has His praise be- 
 come perfect." 
 
 PERSIAN APOLOGUE. 
 
 In Sir William Jones's Persian Grammar may be found the 
 following beautiful story from Nisami. Mr. Alger gives a me- 
 trical translation in his Poetry of the East. 
 
 One evening Jesus arrived at the gates of a certain city, and 
 sent his disciples forward to prepare supper, while he himself, 
 intent on doing good, walked through the streets into the mar- 
 ket-place. 
 
 And he saw at the corner of the market some people gathered 
 together, looking at an object on the ground ; and he drew near 
 to see what it might be. It was a dead dog, with a halter around 
 his neck, by which he appeared to have been dragged through 
 the dirt ; and a viler, a cnore abject, a more unclean thing 
 never met the eyes of man. 
 
 And those who stood by looked on with abhorrence. 
 
 " Faugh !" said one, stopping his nose : " it pollutes the air." 
 " How long," said another, " shall this foul beast offend our 
 'sight?" " Look at his torn hide," said a third : "one could 
 
i. h. s. 133 
 
 not even cut a shoe out of it." " And his ears," said a fourth, 
 " all draggled and bleeding." " No doubt," said a fifth, " he 
 has been hanged for thieving." 
 
 And Jesus heard them, and looking down compassionately 
 on the dead creature, he said, " Pearls are not equal to the 
 whiteness of his teeth !" 
 
 Then the people turned towards him with amazement, and 
 said among themselves, "Who is this? It must be Jesus of 
 Nazareth, for only he could find something to pity and approve 
 even in a dead dog." And being ashamed, they bowed their 
 heads before him and went each on his way. 
 
 DESCRIPTION OP THE PERSON OP JESUS CHRIST. 
 
 The following description is alleged to be derived from an 
 ancient manuscript sent by Publius Lentulus, President of 
 Judea, to the Senate of Rome : — 
 
 " There lives at this time in Judea, a man of singular cha- 
 racter, whose name is Jesus Christ. The barbarians esteem him 
 as their prophet ; but his followers adore him as the immediate, 
 offspring of the immortal God. He is endowed with such un- 
 paralleled virtue as to call back the dead from their graves and 
 to heal every kind of disease with a word or a touch. His 
 person is tall and elegantly shaped ; his aspect, amiable and 
 reverend ; his hair flows in those beauteous shades which no 
 united colors can match, falling in graceful curls below his 
 ears, agreeably couching on his shoulders, and parting on the 
 crown of his head ; his dress, that of the sect of Nazarites ; his 
 forehead is smooth and large; his cheeks without blemish, 
 and of roseate hue ; his nose and mouth are formed with ex- 
 quisite symmetry ; his beard is thick and suitable to the hair of 
 his head, reaching a little below his chin, and parting in the 
 middle below ; his eyes are clear, bright, and serene. 
 
 " He rebukes with mildness, and invokes with the most ten- 
 der and persuasive language, — his whole address, whether in 
 word or deed, being elegantly grave, and strictly characteristic 
 of so exalted a being. No man has seen him laugh, but the 
 
 12 
 
134 i. h. s. 
 
 whole world beholds him weep frequently, and so persuasive 
 are his tears that the whole multitude cannot withhold their 
 tears from joining in sympathy with him. He is moderate, 
 temperate, and wise : in short, whatever the phenomenon may 
 turn out in the end, he seems at present to be a man of excel- 
 lent beauty and divine perfection, every way surpassing man." 
 
 DEATH-WARRANT OP JESUS CHRIST. 
 
 Of the many interesting relics and fragments brought to light 
 by the persevering researches of antiquarians, none could be 
 more interesting to the philanthropist and believer than the fol- 
 lowing, — to Christians, the most imposing judicial document 
 ever recorded in human annals. It has been thus faithfully 
 transcribed : — 
 
 Sentence rendered by Pontius Pilate, acting Governor of 
 Lower Galilee, stating that Jesus of Nazareth shall suffer 
 death on the cross. 
 
 In the year seventeen of the Emperor Tiberius Caesar, and 
 the 27th day of March, the city of the holy Jerusalem — Annas 
 and Caiaphas being priests, sacrificators of the people of God — 
 Pontius Pilate, Governor of Lower Galilee, sitting in the presi- 
 dential chair of the praetory, condemns Jesus of Nazareth to 
 die on the cross between two thieves, the great and notorious 
 evidence of the people saying : 
 
 1. Jesus is a seducer. 
 
 2. He is seditious. 
 
 3. He is the enemy of the law. 
 
 4. He calls himself falsely the Son of God. 
 
 5. He calls himself falsely the King of Israel. 
 
 6. He entered into the temple followed by a multitude bear- 
 ing palm branches in their hands. 
 
 Orders the first centurion, Quilius Cornelius, to lead him to 
 
 the place of execution. 
 Forbids any person whomsoever, either poor or rich, to op- 
 pose the death of Jesus Christ. 
 The witnesses who signed the condemnation of Jesus are — 
 
 1. Daniel Robani, a Pharisee. 
 
 2. Joannus Robani. 
 
I. h. s. 135 
 
 3. Raphael Robani. * 
 
 4. Capet, a citizen. 
 
 Jesus shall go out of the city of Jerusalem by the gate of 
 Struenus. 
 The foregoing is engraved on a copper plate, on the reverse 
 of which is written, " A similar plate is sent to each tribe." 
 It was found in an antique marble vase, while excavating in 
 the ancient city of Aquilla, in the kingdom of Naples, in the 
 year 1810, and was discovered by the Commissioners of Arts 
 of the French army. At the expedition of Naples, it was en- 
 closed in a box of ebony and preserved in the sacristy of the 
 Carthusians. The French translation was made by the Commis- 
 sioners of Arts. The original is in the Hebrew language. 
 
 DOUBLE HEXAMETER. 
 
 Si Christum f J??™ } nihil est si cetera { disci . s o > 
 I discis J ( nescis. 
 
 ANTICIPATORY USE OF THE CROSS. 
 
 Madame Calderon de la Barca, in her Life in Mexico {pub. 
 18^3), says that the symbol of the Cross was known to the 
 Indians before the arrival of Cortez. In the island of Cozumel, 
 near Yucatan, there were several ; and in Yucatan * itself there 
 was a stone cross. And there an Indian, considered a prophet 
 among his countrymen, had declared that a nation bearing the 
 same as a symbol should arrive from a distant country. More 
 extraordinary still was a temple dedicated to the Holy Cross by 
 the Toltec nation in the city of Cholula. Near Tulansingo there 
 is also a cross engraved on a rock with various characters. In 
 Oajaca there was a cross which the Indians from time immemo- 
 rial had been accustomed to consider as a divine symbol. By 
 order of Bishop Cervantes it was placed in a chapel in the 
 cathedral. Information concerning its discovery, together with 
 a small cup, cut out of its wood, was sent to Rome to Paul V., 
 who received it on his knees, singing the hymn Vexilla regis, etc. 
 
 See also Prescott's Conquest of Mexico, Vol. I. Bk. II. Chap. 4; and 
 Stephens' Incidents of Travel in Yucatan, Vol. II. Chap. 20. 
 
136 the lord's prayer. 
 
 m)t ILorii's ^rager- 
 
 The Lord' 8 Prayer alone is an evidence of the truth of Christianity, — so ad- 
 mirably is that prayer accommodated to all our wants. — Lord Wellington. 
 
 THY AND US. 
 
 The two divisions of the Lord's Prayer — the former relating 
 to the glory of God, the latter to the wants of man — appear very 
 evident on a slight transposition of the personal pronouns : — 
 
 Thy name be hallowed. 
 
 Thy kingdom come. 
 
 Thy will be done, &c. 
 
 Us give this day our daily bread. 
 
 Us forgive our debts, &c. 
 
 Us lead not into temptation. 
 
 Us deliver from evil. 
 
 SPIRIT OF THE LORD'S PRAYER. 
 
 The spirit of the Lord's Prayer is beautiful. This form of 
 
 petition breathes: — 
 
 A filial spirit — Father. 
 A catholic spirit — Our Father. 
 A reverential spirit — Hallowed be Thy name. 
 A missionary spirit — Thy kingdom come. 
 
 An obedient spirit — Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. 
 A dependent spirit — Give us this day our daily bread. 
 A forgiving spirit — And forgive our debts as we forgive our debtors. 
 A cautious spirit — And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. 
 A confidential and adoring spirit — For thine is the kingdom, and the 
 power, and the glory, forever. Amen. 
 
 GOTHIC VERSION. 
 
 Ulphilas, who lived between the years 310 and 388, was 
 bishop of the Western Goths, and translated the greater part of 
 the Scriptures into the Gothic language. The following is his 
 rendering of the Lord's Prayer : — 
 
the lord's prayer 137 
 
 Atta unsar thu in himinam. Weihnai namo thein. Quimai thiudinassus 
 sijaima, swaswe jah weis afletam thaim skulam unsaraim. Jah ni briggais 
 uns in fraistubujai. Ak lausei uns af thamma ubilin, unte theina ist thiu- 
 dangardi, jah maths, jah wulthus in aiwins. Amen. 
 
 METRICAL VERSIONS. 
 
 Father in heaven, hallowed be thy name ; 
 Thy kingdom come : thy will be done the same 
 In earth and heaven. Give us daily bread; 
 Forgive our sins as others we forgive. 
 Into temptation let us not be led j 
 Deliver us from evil while we live. 
 For kingdom, power, and glory must remain 
 For ever and for ever thine : Amen. 
 
 Here the sixty-six words of the original, according to the 
 authorized translation of St. Matthew's version, are reduced to 
 fifty-nine, though the latter is fully implied in all points except 
 two. "This day" is omitted; but, if anything, the Greek is 
 slightly approached, for kmouaiov refers rather to to-morrow 
 than to to-day. The antithesis in "But deliver us" does not 
 appear: if the word deliver be sacrificed, we may read, "But 
 keep us safe." 
 
 The subjoined metrical version of the Prayer is at least two 
 and a half centuries old, and was written for adaptation to 
 music in public worship : — 
 
 Our Father which in heaven art, 
 All hallowed be thy name ; 
 
 Thy kingdom come, 
 
 On earth thy will be done, 
 Even as the same in heaven is. 
 Give us, Lord, our daily, bread this day: 
 
 As we forgive our debtors, 
 
 So forgive our debts, we pray. 
 Into temptation lead us not, 
 
 From evil make us free : 
 The kingdom, power, and glory thine, 
 
 Both now and ever be. 
 
 The Prayer is commended for its authorship, its efficacy, its 
 perfection, the order of its parts, its brevity, and its necessity, 
 
 12* 
 
138 the lord's prayer. 
 
 < 
 
 The following paraphrase, which has been set to music as a 
 
 duett, is of more recent origin : — 
 
 
 Our Heavenly Father, hear our prayer : 
 
 Thy name be hallowed everywhere; 
 
 
 Thy kingdom come ; on earth, thy will, 
 
 E'en as in heaven, let all fulfill ; 
 
 
 Give this day's bread, that we may live ; 
 
 Forgive our sins as we forgive j 
 
 
 Help us temptation to withstand ; 
 
 
 From evil shield us by Thy hand ; 
 
 , 
 
 Now and forever, unto Thee, 
 
 
 The kingdom, power, and glory be. 
 
 Amen. 
 
 THE PRAYER ILLUSTRATED. 
 
 Our Father. — Isaiah lxiii. 16 
 
 
 1. By right of creation. 
 
 Malachi ii. 10. 
 
 2. By bountiful provision. 
 
 Psalm cxlv. 16. 
 
 3. By gracious adoption. 
 
 Ephesians i. 5. 
 
 Who art in Heaven. — 1 Kings viii. 43. 
 
 1. The throne of thy glory. 
 
 Isaiah lxvi. 1. 
 
 2. The portion of thy children 
 
 1 Peter i. 4. 
 
 3. The temple of thy angels. 
 
 Isaiah vi. 1. 
 
 Hallowed be thy Name. — Psalm cxv. 1. 
 
 1. By the thoughts of our hearts. 
 
 Psalm lxxxvi. 11. 
 
 2. By the words of our lips. 
 
 Psalm li. 15. 
 
 3. By the works of our hands. 
 
 1 Corinthians x. 31. 
 
 Thy Kingdom come. — Psalm ex 
 
 2. 
 
 1. Of Providence to defend us. 
 
 Psalm xvii. 8. 
 
 2. Of grace to refine us. 
 
 1 Thessalonians v. 23. 
 
 3. Of glory to crown us. 
 
 Colossians iii. 4. 
 
 Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. 
 
 — Acts xxxi. 14. 
 
 1. Towards us, without resistance. 
 
 1 Samuel iii. 18. 
 
 2. By us, without compulsion. 
 
 Psalm cxix. 36. 
 
 3. Universally, without exception. 
 
 Luke L 6. 
 
 4. Eternally, without declension. 
 
 Psalm cxix. 93. 
 
 Give us this day our daily bread. 
 
 1. Of necessity, for our bodies. 
 
 Proverbs xxx. 8. 
 
 2. Of eternal life, for our souls. 
 
 John vi. 34. 
 
 And forgive us our trespasses. — Psalm 
 
 XXV. 11. 
 
 1. Against the commands of thy law 
 
 1 John iii. 4. 
 
 . , 2. Against the grace of thy gospel. 
 
 1 Timothy i. 13. 
 
the lord's prayer. 139 
 
 As tee forgive them that trespass against us. — Matthew vi. 15. 
 
 1. By defaming our characters. Matthew v. 11. 
 
 2. By embezzling our property. Philemon 18. 
 
 3. By abusing our persons. Acts vii. 60. 
 
 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. — Matthew xxvi. 41. 
 
 1. Of overwhelming afflictions. Psalm exxx. 1. 
 
 2. Of worldly enticements. 1 John ii. 16. 
 
 3. Of Satan's devices. 1 Timothy iii. 7. 
 
 4. Of error's seduction. I Timothy vL 10. 
 
 5. Of sinful affections. Romans i. 26. 
 
 For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. — Jude 25. 
 
 1. Thy kingdom governs all. Psalm ciii. 19. 
 
 2. Thy power subdues all. Philippians iii. 20, 21. 
 
 3. Thy glory is above all. Psalm cxlviii. 13. 
 
 Amen. — Ephesians i. 11. 
 
 1. As it is in thy purposes. Isaiah xiv. 27. 
 
 2. So is it in thy promises. 2 Corinthians i. 20. 
 
 3. So be it in our prayers. Revelation xxii. 20. 
 L So shall it be to thy praise. Revelation xix. 4. 
 
 ACROSTICAL PARAPHRASE. 
 
 Our Lord and King, Who reign'st enthroned on high, 
 
 Father of Light ! mysterious Deity ! 
 
 Who art the great I AM, the last, the first, 
 
 Art righteous, holy, merciful, and just. 
 
 In realms of glory, scenes where angels sing, 
 
 Heaven is the., dwelling-place of God our King. 
 
 Hallowed Thy name, which doth all names transcend, 
 
 Be Thou adored, our great Almighty Friend ; 
 
 Thy glory shines beyond creation's bound ; 
 
 Name us 'mong those Thy choicest gifts surround. 
 
 Thy kingdom towers beyond Thy starry skies ; 
 
 Kingdom Satanic falls, but Thine shall rise. 
 
 Come let Thine empire, Thou Holy One, 
 
 Thy great and everlasting will be done. 
 
 Will God make known his will, his power display ? 
 
 Be it the work of mortals to obey. 
 
 Done is the great, the wondrous work of love; 
 
 On Calvary's cross he died, but reigns above ; 
 
 Earth bears the record in Thy holy word. 
 
 As heaven adores Thy love, let earth, Lord ; 
 
 It shines transcendent in the eternal skies, 
 
 Is praised in heaven — for man, the Saviour dies. 
 
140 THE LORD'S PRAYER. 
 
 In songs immortal, angels laud his name ; 
 
 Heaven shouts with joy, and saints his love proclaim. 
 
 Give us, Lord, our food, nor cease to give 
 
 Us needful food on which our souls may live ! 
 
 This be our boon to-day and days to come, 
 
 Dav without end in our eternal home. 
 
 Our needy souls supply from day to day; 
 
 Daily assist and aid us when we pray ; 
 
 Bread though we ask, yet, Lord, Thy blessings lend. 
 
 And make us grateful when Thy gifts descend. 
 
 Forgive our sins, which in destruction place 
 
 Us, the vile rebels of a rebel race ; 
 
 Our follies, faults, and trespasses forgive, 
 
 Debts which we ne'er can pay, nor Thou receive. 
 
 As wo, Lord, our neighbor's faults o'erlook, 
 
 We beg Thou 'd'st blot ours from Thy memory's book. 
 
 Forgive our enemies, extend Thy grace 
 
 Our souls to save, e'en Adam's guilty race. 
 
 Debtors to Thee in gratitude and love, 
 
 And in that duty paid by saints above, 
 
 Lead us from sin, and in thy mercy raise 
 
 Us» from the tempter and his hellish ways. 
 
 Not in our own, but in His name who bled, 
 
 Into Thine ear we pour our every need. 
 
 Temptation's fatal charm help us to shun, 
 
 But may we conquer through Thy conquering Son ; 
 
 Deliver us from all that can annoy 
 
 Us in this world, and may our souls destroy. 
 
 From all calamities that man betide, 
 
 Evil and death, turn our feet aside, — 
 
 For we are mortal worms, and cleave to clay,— 
 
 Thine 'tis to rule, and mortals to obey. 
 
 Is not thy mercy, Lord, forever free? 
 
 The whole creation knows no God but Thee. 
 
 Kingdom and empire in Thy presence fall; 
 
 The King eternal reigns the King of all. 
 
 Power is Thine — to Thee be glory given, 
 
 And be thy name adored by earth and heaven. 
 
 The praise of saints and angels is Thy own ; 
 
 Glory to Thee, the Everlasting One. 
 
 Forever be Thy holy name adored. 
 
 AMEN ! Hosannah ! blessed be the Lord 
 
 trifling of bible commentators. 
 Dr. Gill, in his Expository, seriously tells us that the word ABBA read 
 backwards or forwards being the same, may teach us that God is the father 
 of his people in adversity as well as in prosperity. 
 
THE LORD'S PRAYER. 141 
 
 THE PRAYER ECHOED. 
 
 If any be distressed, and fain would gather 
 Some comfort, let him haste unto 
 
 Our Father. 
 For we of hope and help are quite hereaven 
 Except Thou succor us 
 
 Who art in heaven. 
 Thou showest mercy, therefore for the same 
 We praise Thee, singing, 
 
 Hallowed be Thy name. 
 Of all our miseries cast up the sum ; 
 Show us thy joys, and let 
 
 Thy kingdom come. 
 We mortal are, and alter from our birth ; 
 Thou constant art ; 
 
 Thy will be done on earth. 
 Thou madefet the earth, as well as planets seven, 
 Thy name be blessed here 
 
 As 'tis in heaven. 
 Nothing we have to use, or debts to pay, 
 Except Thou give it us. 
 
 Give us this day 
 Wherewith to clothe us, wherewith to be fed, 
 For without Thee we want 
 
 Our daily bread. 
 We want, but want no faults, for no day passes 
 But we do sin . 
 
 Forgive us our trespasses. 
 No man from sinning ever free did live 
 Forgive us, Lord, our sins, 
 
 As we forgive. 
 If we repent our faults, Thou ne'er disdain'st us j 
 We pardon them 
 
 That trespass against us ; 
 Forgive us that is past, a new path tread us j 
 Direct us always in Thy faith, 
 
 And lead us — 
 Us, Thine own people and Thy chosen nation, 
 Into all truth, but 
 
 Not into temptation. 
 Thou that of all good graces art the Giver, 
 Suffer us not to wander, 
 
 But deliver 
 Us from the fierce assaults of world and devil 
 And flesh ; so shalt Thou free us 
 
 From til evil. 
 To these petitions let both church and laymen 
 With one consent of heart and voiee, say, 
 
 Amen. 
 
142 the lord's prayer. 
 
 the prayer in an acrostic. 
 
 In the following curious composition the initial capitals spell, 
 " My boast is in the glorious Cross of Christ/ ' The words in 
 italics, when read from top to bottom and bottom to top, form 
 the Lord's Prayer complete: — 
 
 Make known the Gospel truths, Our Father King; 
 
 Yield up thy grace, dear Father from above; 
 Bless us with btearts which feelingly can sing, 
 
 M Our life thou art for ever, God of Love !" 
 Assuage our grief in love for Christ, we pray, 
 
 Since the bright prince of Heaven and glory died, 
 Took all our sins and hallowed the display, 
 
 Infinite 6e-ing — first man, and then the crucified. 
 Stupendous God ! thy grace and power make known ; 
 
 In Jesus' name let all the world rejoice. 
 Now all the world thy heavenly kingdom own, 
 
 The blessed kingdom for thy saints the choice. 
 How vile to come to thee is all our cry, 
 
 Enemies to thy self and all that's thine, 
 Graceless our will, we live for vanity, 
 
 Lending to sin our 5e-ing, evil in our design. 
 God, thy will be done from earth to Heaven; 
 
 Reclining on the Gospel let us live, 
 In earth from sin deliver-ed and forgiven, 
 
 Oh ! as thyself but teach us to forgive. 
 Unless it's power temptation doth destroy, 
 
 Sure is our fall into the depths of woe, 
 Carnal in mind, we've not a glimpse of joy 
 
 Raised against Heaven; in us no hope can flow. 
 give us grace and lead us on thy way; 
 
 Shine on us with thy love and give us peace; 
 Self and this sin that rise against us slay ; 
 
 Oh ! grant each day our trespasses may cease. 
 Forgive our evil deeds that oft we do ; 
 
 Convince us daily of them to our shame ; 
 Help US with heavenly bread, forgive us, too, 
 
 Recurrent lusts, and ice'll adore thy name. 
 In thy forgive-ness we as saints can die, 
 
 Since for us and our trespasses so high, 
 Thy son, our Saviour, bled on Calvary. 
 
ECCLESIASTICS. 143 
 
 IScclemasticee. 
 
 EXCESSIVE CIVILITY. 
 
 Tom Brown, in his Laconics, says that in the reign of 
 Charles II. a certain worthy divine at Whitehall thus ad- 
 dressed himself to the auditory at the conclusion of his sermon : 
 " In short, if you don't live up to the precepts of the gospel, 
 but abandon yourselves to your irregular appetites, you must 
 expect to receive your reward in a certain place, which 'tis 
 not good manners to mention here." This suggested to Pope 
 the couplet, 
 
 " To rest, the cushion and soft dean invite, 
 Who never mentions hell to ears polite." 
 
 SHORT SERMONS. 
 
 Dean Swift, having been solicited to preach a charity ser- 
 mon, mounted the pulpit, and after announcing his text, " He 
 that giveth to the poor lendeth to the Lord," simply said, 
 "Now, my brethren, if you are satisfied with the security, 
 down with the dust." He then took his seat, and there was an 
 unusually large collection. 
 
 The following abridgment contains the pith and marrow, 
 sum and substance, of a sermon which occupied an hour in 
 delivery : — 
 
 " Man is horn to trouble." 
 This subject, my hearers, is naturally divisible into four heads |— 
 
 1. Man's entrance into the world ; 
 
 2. His progress through the world ; 
 
 3. His exit from the world ; and 
 
 4. Practical reflections from what may be said. 
 First, then : — 
 
 1. Man's ingress in life is naked and bare, 
 
 2. His progross through life is trouble and care, 
 
 3. His egress from it, none can tell where, 
 
 4. But doing well here, he will be well there. 
 Now, on this subject, my brethren dear, 
 
 I could not tell more by preaching a year. 
 
144 ECCLESIASTICS. 
 
 A SERMON ON MALT. 
 
 The Rev. Dr. Dodd lived within a few miles of Cambridge, 
 (England,) and had offended several students by preaching a 
 sermon on temperance. One day some of them met him. 
 They said one to another, — 
 
 "Here's Father Dodd : he shall preach us a sermon." Ac- 
 costing him with, — 
 
 " Your servants." 
 
 " Sirs ! yours, gentlemen !" replied the Doctor. 
 
 They said, "We have a favor to ask of you, which must be 
 granted." The divine asked what it was. 
 
 " To preach a sermon/' was the reply. 
 
 "Well," said he, "appoint the time and place, and I will." 
 
 " The time, the present; the place, that hollow tree," (point- 
 ing to it,) said the students. 
 
 "'Tis an imposition!" said the Doctor: "there ought to 
 be consideration before preaching." 
 
 " If you refuse/' responded they, " we will put you into the 
 tree !" Whereupon the Doctor acquiesced, and asked them for 
 a text. 
 
 " Malt !" said they. 
 
 The reverend gentleman commenced: — 
 
 " Let me crave your attention, my beloved ! 
 
 " I am a little man, come at a short warning, to preach a 
 short sermon, upon a short subject, to a thin congregation, in 
 an unworthy pulpit. Beloved ! my text is ' Malt.' I can- 
 not divide it into syllables, it being but a monosyllable : there- 
 fore I must divide it into letters, which I find in my text to be 
 four : — M-A-l-t. M, my beloved, is moral — A, is allegorical 
 — L, is literal — T, is theological. 
 
 " 1st. The moral teaches such as you drunkards good man- 
 ners ; therefore M, my masters — A, all of you — L, leave off — 
 T, tippling. 
 
 " 2d. The allegorical is, when one thing is spoken and an- 
 other meant j the thing here spoken is Malt, the thing meant 
 
ECCLESIASTICS. 145 
 
 the oil of malt, which you rustics make M, your masters — A, 
 your apparel — L, your liberty— T, your trusts. 
 
 " 3d. The theological is according to the effects it works, 
 which are of two kinds — the first in this world, the second in the 
 world to come. The effects it works in this world are, in some, 
 M, murder — in others, A, adultery — in all, L, looseness of life 
 — and particularly in some, T, treason. In the world to come, 
 the effects of it are, M, misery — A, anguish — L, lamentation 
 — T, torment — and thus much for my text, ' Malt/ 
 
 " Infer 1st : As .words of exhortation : M, my masters — A, 
 all of you — L, leave off — T, tippling. 
 
 " 2d. A word for conviction : M, my masters — A, all of you 
 — L, look for — T, torment. 
 
 " 3d. A word for caution, take this : A drunkard is the an- 
 noyance of modesty — the spoiler of civility — the destroyer of 
 reason — the brewer's agent — the alewife's benefactor — his 
 wife's sorrow — his children's trouble — his neighbor's scoff — a 
 walking swill-tub — a picture of a beast — a monster of a man." 
 
 The youngsters found the truth so unpalatable, that they 
 soon deserted their preacher, glad to get beyond . the 'reach of 
 his voice. 
 
 ELOQUENCE OP BASCOM. 
 
 The following passages will serve to illustrate the peculiar 
 oratorical style of Rev. Henry B. Bascom, the distinguished 
 Kentucky preacher : — 
 
 " Chemistry, with 1 its fire-tongs of the galvanic battery, 
 teaches that the starry diamond in the crown of kings, and the 
 black carbon which the peasant treads beneath his feet, are 
 both composed of the same identical elements; analysis also 
 proves that a chief ingredient in limestone is carbon. Then 
 let the burning breath of God pass over all the limestone of 
 the earth, and bid its old mossy layers crystalize into new 
 beauty; and lo! at the Almighty fiat the mountain ranges flash 
 into living gems with a lustre that renders midnight noon, and 
 eclipses all the stars !" 
 
 K 13 
 
146 ECCLESIASTICS. 
 
 He urged the same view by another example, still better 
 adapted to popular apprehension : — 
 
 "Look yonder," said the impassioned orator, pointing a 
 motionless finger towards the lofty ceiling, as if it were the 
 sky. " See that wrathful thunder-cloud — the fiery bed of the 
 lightnings and hissing hail — the cradle of tempests and floods ! 
 — What can be more dark, more dreary, more dreadful ? Say, 
 scoffing skeptic, is it capable of any beauty ? You pronounce, 
 1 no/ Well, very well ; but behold, while the sneering denial 
 curls your proud lips, the sun with its sword of light shears 
 through the sea of vapors in the west, and laughs in your in- 
 credulous face with his fine golden eye. Now, look again at 
 the thunder-cloud ! See ! where it was blackest and fullest of 
 gloom, the sunbeams have kissed its hideous cheek ; and where 
 the kiss fell there is now a blush, brighter than ever mantled 
 on the brow of mortal maiden — the rich blush of crimson and 
 gold, of purple and vermilion — a pictured blush, fit for the 
 gaze of angels — the flower-work of pencils of fire and light, 
 wrought at a dash by one stroke of the right hand of God 1 
 Ay, the ugly cloud hath given birth to the rainbow, that per- 
 fection and symbol of unspeakable beauty !" 
 
 THE LORD BISHOP. 
 
 The following incident is said to have occurred in the parish 
 church of Bradford, England, during a special service, on the 
 occasion of a visit from the bishop of the diocese :— 
 
 The clerk, before the sermon, gave out the psalm in broad 
 Wiltshire dialect, namely : — " Let us zing to the praayze an' 
 glawry o' God, three varsses o' the hundred and vourteen zaam 
 — a varsion 'specially 'dapted to the 'caasion, — by meself :" — 
 
 Why hop ye zo, ye little hills, 
 
 An' what var de'e skip ? 
 Is it 'cas you'm proud to see 
 
 His grace the Lard Bishipf 
 
 Why skip ye zo, ye little hills, 
 An' what var de'e hop ? 
 
ECCLESIASTICS. ' 147 
 
 Is it 'cas to preach to we 
 
 Is coin'd the Lard Bishop f 
 Eese ; — he is coin'd to preach to we : 
 
 Then let us aul strick up, 
 An' zing a glawrious zong of praayze, 
 
 An' hless the Lard Bishup / 
 
 THE PREACHERS OF CROMWELL'S TIME. 
 
 Dr. Echard says* of the preachers who lived in the time of 
 Cromwell, — "Coiners of new phrases, drawers-out of long godly 
 words, thick pourers-out of texts of Scripture, mimical squeak- 
 ers and bellowers, vain-glorious admirers only of themselves, 
 and those of their own fashioned face and gesture ; such as 
 these shall be followed, shall have their bushels of China 
 oranges, shall be solaced with all manner of cordial essences, 
 and shall be rubbed down with Holland of ten shillings an ell." 
 
 One of the singular fashions that prevailed among the 
 preachers of those days was that of coughing or hemming in 
 the middle of a sentence, as an ornament of speech ; and when 
 their sermons were printed, the place where the preacher 
 coughed or hemmed was always noted in the margin. This 
 practice was not confined to England, for Olivier Maillard, a 
 Cordelier, and famous preacher, printed a sermon at Brussels 
 in the year 1500, and marked in the margin where the preacher 
 hemmed once or twice, or coughed. 
 
 ORIGIN OP TEXTS. 
 
 The custom of taking a text as the basis of a sermon origin- 
 ated with Ezra, who, we are told, accompanied by several 
 Levites in a public congregation of men and women, ascended 
 a pulpit, opened the book of the law, and after addressing a 
 prayer to the Deity, to which the people said Amen, "read in 
 the book in the law of God distinctly, and gave the sense, and 
 caused them to understand the reading/' (Nehemiah viii. 8.) 
 
 Previous to the time of Ezra, the Patriarchs delivered, in 
 public assemblies, either prophecies or moral instructions for 
 the edification of the people; and it was not until the return 
 
148 ECCLESIASTICS. 
 
 of the Jews from the Babylonish captivity, during which time 
 they had almost lost the language in which the Pentateuch was 
 written, that it became necessary to explain, as well as to read, 
 the Scriptures to them. In later times, the book of Moses was 
 thus read in the synagogues every Sabbath day. (Acts xv. 21.) 
 To this custom our Saviour conformed : in the synagogue at Na- 
 zareth he read a passage from the prophet isaiah, then closing * 
 the book, returned it to the priest, and preached from the text. 
 
 CLERICAL BLUNDERS. 
 
 In an old book of Sermons by a divine named Milsom, we 
 are told that it is one among many proofs of the wisdom and 
 benevolence of Providence that the world was not created in 
 the midst of winter, when Adam and Eve could have found 
 nothing to eat, but in harvest-time, when there was fruit on 
 every tree and shrub to tempt the willing hand. 
 
 Another commentator praises Divine Goodness for always 
 making the largest rivers flow close by the most populous towns. 
 
 St. Austin undertook to prove that the ten plagues of Egypt 
 were punishments adapted to the breach of the ten command- 
 ments, — forgetting that the law was given to the Jews, and that 
 the plagues were inflicted on the Egyptians, and also that the 
 law was not given in the form of commandments until nearly 
 three months after the plagues had been sent. 
 -» 
 
 PROVING AN ALIBI. 
 
 A clergyman at Cambridge preached a sermon which one of 
 his auditors commended. "Yes," said a gentleman to whom it 
 was mentioned, "it was a good sermon, but he stole it." This 
 was told to the preacher. He resented it, and called on the 
 gentleman to retract what he had said. "I am not," replied the 
 aggressor, "very apt to retract my words, but in this instance I 
 will. I said, you had stolen the sermon; I find I was wrong; 
 for on returning home, and referring to the book whence I 
 thought it was taken, I found it there." 
 
ECCLESIASTICS. 149 . 
 
 WHITEFIELD AND THE SAILORS. 
 
 Mr. Whitefield, whose gestures and play of features were so 
 full of dramatic power, once preached before the seamen at New 
 York, and, in the course of his sermon, introduced the following 
 bold apostrophe : — 
 
 " Well, my boys, we have a clear sky, and are making fine 
 headway over a smooth sea before a light breeze, and we shall * 
 soon lose sight of land. But what means this sudden lowering 
 of the heavens, and that dark cloud arising from the western 
 horizon? Hark! Don't you hear the distant thunder? Don't 
 you see those flashes of lightning? There is a storm gathering! 
 Every man to his duty. How the waves rise and dash against 
 the ship ! The air is dark ! The tempest rages ! . Our masts 
 are gone. The ship is on her beam ends ! What next?" The 
 unsuspecting tars, reminded of former perils on the deep, as if 
 struck by the power of magic, arose and exclaimed, " Take to 
 the long boat." 
 
 PROTESTANT EXCOMMUNICATION. 
 
 John Knox, in his Liturgy for Scotch Presbyterians, sets 
 forth the following form for the exercise of such an attribute 
 of ecclesiastical authority in Protestant communities as excom- 
 munication : — 
 
 " Lord Jesus Christ, thy expressed word is our assurance, 
 and therefore, in boldness of the same, here in thy name, and 
 at the commandment of this thy present congregation, we cut 
 off, seclude, and excommunicate from thy body, and from our 
 society, N. as a pround contemner, and slanderous person, and 
 a member for the present altogether corrupted, and pernicious 
 to the body. And this his sin (albeit with sorrow of our hearts) 
 by virtue of our ministry, we bind and pronounce the same to 
 be bound in heaven and earth. We further give over, into the 
 hands and power of the devil, the said N. to the destruction of 
 his flesh ; straitly charging all that profess the Lord Jesus, to 
 whose knowledge this our sentence shall come, to repute and 
 
 13* 
 
150 PURITAN PECULIARITIES. 
 
 hold the said N. accursed and unworthy of the familiar society 
 of Christians; declaring unto all men that such as hereafter 
 (before his repentance) shall haunt, or familiarly accompany 
 him, are partakers of his impiety, and subject to the like con- 
 demnation. 
 
 " This our sentence, Lord Jesus, pronounced in thy name, 
 and at thy commandment, we humbly beseech thee to ratify 
 even according to thy promise." 
 
 puritan ^cuUartttea. 
 
 BAPTISMAL NAMES. 
 
 A Puritan maiden, who was asked for her baptismal name, 
 replied, " ' Through-much-tribulation-we-enter-the-kingdom-of- 
 Heaven,' but for short they call me ' Tribby.' " 
 
 The following names will be found in Lower's English Sir- 
 names, and in the Lansdowne Collection. Most of them are 
 taken from a jury-list of Sussex County, 1658. The favorite 
 female baptismal names among the Puritans were Mercy, Faith, 
 Fortune, Honor, Virtue ; but there were among them those who 
 preferred such high-flown names as Alethe, Prothesa, Euphro- 
 syne, Kezia, Keturah, Malvina, Melinda, Sabrina, Alpina, 
 Oriana. 
 
 The-gift-of-God Stringer, The-work-of-God Farmer, 
 
 Repentant Hazel, More-tryal Goodwin, 
 
 Zealous King, Faithful Long, 
 
 Be-thankful Playnard, Joy-from-above Brown, 
 
 Live-in-peace Hillary, Be-of-good-comfort Small, 
 
 Obediencia Cruttenden, Godward Freeman, 
 
 Goodgift Noake, Thunder Goldsmith. 
 
PURITAN PECULIARITIES. 151 
 
 Faint-not Hewett, Accepted Trevor, 
 
 Redeemed Compton, Make-peace Heaton, 
 
 God-reward Smart, Stand-fast-on-high Stringer, 
 
 Earth Adams, Called Lower, 
 
 Meek Brewer, Be-courteous Cole, 
 
 Repentance Avis, Search- the-scriptures Moreton. 
 
 Kill-sin Pimple, Return Spelman, 
 
 Be-faithful Joiner, Fly-debate Roberts, 
 
 More-fruit Flower, Hope-for Bending, 
 
 Grrace-ful Harding, Weep-not Billing, 
 
 Seek-wisdom Wood, Elected Mitchell, 
 Fight-the-good-fight-of-faith White, The-peace-of-God Knight. 
 
 SIMILES. 
 
 Prayer is Faith's pump, where 't works till the water come ; 
 If 't comes not free at first, Faith puts in some. 
 Prayer is the sacred bellows j when these blow, 
 How doth that live-coal from God's altar glow ! 
 
 Faithful Teate'a Ter. Tria., 1658. 
 
 Walking in the streets, I met a cart that came near the wall; 
 bo I stepped aside, to avoid it, into a place where I was secure 
 enough. Reflection : Lord, sin is that great evil of which thou 
 complainest that thou art pressed as a cart is pressed : how 
 can it then but bruise me to powder? — Caleb Trenchfield* s 
 Cliris. Chymestree. 
 
 EARLY PUNISHMENTS IN MASSACHUSETTS. 
 
 From the early records of Massachusetts we learn that the 
 following singular punishments were inflicted in that colony 
 two hundred years ago : — 
 
 Sir Richard Salstonstall, fined four bushels of malt for his 
 absence from the court. 
 
 Josias Plaistowe, for stealing four baskets of corn from the 
 Indians, to return them eight baskets again, to be fined £5, and 
 hereafter to be called Josias, not Mr. as he used to be. 
 
 Thomas Peter, for suspicions of slander, idleness, and stub- 
 bornness, is to be severely whipped and kept in hold. 
 
152 PURITAN PECULIARITIES. 
 
 Capt. Stone, for abusing Mr. Ludlow by calling him justass, 
 fined £100, and prohibited coming within the patent. 
 
 Joyce Dradwick to give unto Alexander Becks 20s., for 
 promising him marriage without her friends' consent, and now 
 refusing to perform the same. 
 
 Richard Turner, for being notoriously drunk, fined £2. 
 
 Edward Palmer, for his extortion in taking 32s. 7d. for the 
 plank and work of Boston stocks, fined £5, and sentenced to 
 sit one hour in the stocks. 
 
 John White bound in £10 to good behavior, and not come 
 into the company of his neighbor Thomas Bell's wife alone. 
 
 VIRGINIA PENALTIES IN THE OLDEN TIME. 
 
 From the old records in the Court House of Warwick County, 
 Virginia, we extract some entries of decisions by the court under 
 date of October 21, 1663. It may be worth while to remark 
 that at that early period tobacco was not only a staple commodity 
 but a substitute for currency. 
 
 " Mr. John Harlow, and Alice his wife, being by the grand 
 inquest presented for absenting themselves from church, are, 
 according to the act, fined each of them fifty pounds of tobacco; 
 and the said Mr. John Harlow ordered forthwith to pay one 
 hundred pounds of tobacco to the sheriff, otherwise the said 
 sheriff tp levy by way of distress." 
 
 " Jane Harde, the wife of Henry Harde, being presented for 
 not 'tending church, is, according to act, fined fifty pounds of 
 tobacco ; and the sheriff is ordered to collect the same from her, 
 and, in case of non-payment, to distress." 
 
 "John Lewis, his wife this day refusing to take the oath of 
 allegiance, being ordered her, is committed into the sheriff's 
 custody, to remain until she take the said oath, or until further 
 ordered to the contrary." 
 
 " John Lewis, his wife for absenting herself from church, is 
 fined fifty pounds of tobacco, to be collected by the sheriff from 
 her husband; and upon non-payment, the said sheriff to distress/' 
 
PURITAN PECULIARITIES. 153 
 
 " George Harwood, being prosecuted for his absenting him- 
 self from church, is fined fifty pounds of tobacco, to be levied 
 by way of distress by the sheriff upon his non-payment thereof." 
 
 " Peter White and his wife, being presented for common 
 swearing, are fined fifty pounds of tobacco, both of them; to be 
 collected by the sheriff from the said White, and, upon non- 
 payment of the same, to distress. " 
 
 " Richard King, being presented as a common swearer, is 
 fined fifty pounds of tobacco, to be levied by the sheriff, by way 
 of distress, upon his non-payment." 
 
 EXTRACTS FROM THE CONNECTICUT BLUE LAWS. 
 
 When these free states were colonies 
 
 Unto the mother nation, 
 And in Connecticut the good 
 
 Old Blue Laws were in fashion. 
 
 The following extracts from the laws ordained by the people 
 of New Haven, previous to their incorporation with the Say- 
 brook and Hartford colonies, afford an idea of the strange cha- 
 racter of their prohibitions. As the substance only is given in 
 the transcription, the language is necessarily modernized : — 
 
 No quaker or dissenter from the established worship of the 
 dominion shall be allowed to give a vote for the election of 
 magistrates, or any officer. 
 
 No food or lodging shall be afforded to a quaker, adamite, or 
 other heretic. 
 
 If any person turns quaker, he shall be banished, and not 
 suffered to return, but upon pain of death. 
 
 No priest shall abide in the dominion : he shall be banished, 
 and suffer death on his return. Priests may be seized by any 
 one without a warrant. 
 
 No man to cross a river but with an authorized ferryman. 
 
 No one shall run on the sabbath-day, or walk in his garden, 
 or elsewhere, except reverently to and from meeting. 
 
 No one shall travel, cook victuals, make beds, sweep house, 
 cut hair or shave, on the sabbath-day. 
 
154 PURITAN PECULIARITIES. 
 
 No woman shall kiss her child on the sabbath or fasting-day. 
 
 The sabbath shall begin at sunset on Saturday. 
 
 To pick an ear of corn growing in a neighbor's garden shall 
 bo deemed theft. 
 
 A person accused of trespass in the night shall be judged 
 guilty, unless he clear himself by oath* 
 
 When it appears that an accused has confederates, and he 
 refuses to discover them, he may be racked. 
 
 No one shall buy or sell lands without permission of the 
 selectmen. 
 
 A drunkard shall have a master appointed by the selectmen, 
 who are to debar him the liberty of buying and selling. 
 
 Whoever publishes a lie to the prejudice of his neighbor, 
 shall sit in the stocks or be whipped fifteen stripes. 
 
 No minister shall keep a school. 
 
 Men-stealers shall suffer death. 
 
 Whoever wears clothes trimmed with gold, silver, or bone 
 lace, above two shillings by the yard, shall be presented by the 
 grand jurors, and the selectmen shall tax the offender at £300 
 estate. 
 
 A debtor in prison, swearing he has no estate, shall be let 
 out, and sold to make satisfaction. 
 
 Whoever sets a fire in the woods, and it burns a house, shall 
 suffer death; and persons suspected of this crime shall be im- 
 prisoned without benefit of bail. 
 
 Whoever brings cards or dice into this dominion shall pay 
 a fine of £5. 
 
 No one shall read common-prayer, keep Christmas or saint- 
 days, make minced pies, dance, play cards, or play on any in- 
 strument of music, except the drum, trumpet, and Jews-harp. 
 
 No gospel minister shall join people in marriage; the magis- 
 trates only shall join in marriage, as they may do it with less 
 scandal to Christ's church. 
 
 When parents refuse their children convenient marriages, the 
 magistrate shall determine the point. 
 
 The selectmen, on finding children ignorant, may take them 
 
PARONOMASIA. 155 
 
 away from their parents, and put them into better hands, at 
 the expense of their parents. 
 
 A man that strikes his wife shall pay a fine of £10 ; a woman 
 that strikes her husband shall be punished as the court directs. 
 
 A wife shall be deemed good evidence against her husband. 
 
 Married persons must live together, or be imprisoned. 
 
 No man shall court a maid in person, or by letter, without 
 first obtaining consent of ber parents : £5 penalty for the first 
 offence; £10 for the second; and for the third, imprisonment 
 during the pleasure of the court. 
 
 Every male shall have his hair cut round according to a cap. 
 
 paronomasia. 
 
 Hard is the job to launch the desperate pun ; 
 
 A pun-job dangerous as the Indian one. — Holmes. 
 Life and language are alike sacred. Homicide and verbicide — that is, vio- 
 lent treatment of a word with fatal results to its legitimate meaning, which ia 
 its life — are alike forbidden. Manslaughter, which is the meaning of the one, 
 is the same as man's laughter, which is the end of the other. — Ibid. 
 
 The quaint Cardan thus defineth : — " Punning is an art of 
 harmonious jingling upon words, which, passing in at the ears 
 and falling upon the diaphragma, excites a titillary motion in 
 those parts ; and this, being conveyed by the animal spirits into 
 the muscles of the face, raises the cockles of the heart." 
 
 " He who would make a pun would pick a pocket/' is the 
 stereotyped dogma fulminated by laugh-lynchers from time im- 
 memorial; or, as the Autocrat hath it, " To trifle with the 
 vocabulary which is the vehicle of social intercourse is to tam- 
 per with the currency of human intelligence. He who would 
 violate the sanctities of his mother tongue would invade the re- 
 Cesses of the paternal till without remorse, and repeat the ban- 
 quet of Saturn without an indigestion." The "inanities of this 
 
156 PARONOMASIA. 
 
 working-day world" cannot perceive any wittiness or grace in 
 punning; and yet, according to the comprehensive definition of 
 wit by Dr. Barrow, the eminent divine, it occupies a very con- 
 siderable portion of the realm of wit. He says, " Wit is a thing 
 so versatile and multiform, appearing in so many shapes, so 
 many postures, so many garbs, so variously apprehended by 
 several eyes and judgments, that it seemeth no less hard to 
 settle a clear and certain notion thereof, than to make a por- 
 trait of Proteus, or to define the figure of the fleeting air. 
 Sometimes it lieth in pat allusions to a known story, or in 
 seasonable application of a trivial saying, or in feigning an 
 apposite tale ; sometimes it playetli in words and phrases, 
 taking advantage of the ambiguity of their sense, or the affinity 
 of their sound; sometimes it is wrapped in a dress of humorous 
 expression, sometimes it lurketh under an odd similitude; 
 sometimes it is lodged in a sly question, in a smart answer, in 
 a quirkish reason, in a shrewd intimation, in cunningly, 
 divertingly, or cleverly retorting an objection; sometimes it is 
 couched in a bold scheme of speech, in a tart irony, in a lusty 
 hyperbole, in a startling metaphor, in a plausible reconciling 
 of contradictions, or in acute nonsense; sometimes a scenic re- 
 presentation of persons or things, a counterfeit speech, a mimic 
 look or gesture, passeth for it. Sometimes an affected simpli- 
 city, sometimes a presumptuous bluntness, giveth it being. 
 Sometimes it riseth only from a lucky hitting upon what is 
 strange; sometimes from a crafty wresting of obvious matter 
 to the purpose. Often it consisteth of one knows not what, 
 and springeth up one can hardly tell how. Its ways are unac- 
 countable and inexplicable, being answerable to the numberless 
 rovings of fancy and windings of language." 
 
 If this definition be true, there is truth as well as wit in the 
 punster's reply to the taunt of the rhetorician that "punning 
 is the lowest species of wit." "Yes," said he, "for it is the 
 foundation of all wit." But, whatever may be said of the 
 practice by those who affect to despise it, it has been much in 
 vo^ue in all ages. Home, in his Introduction to the Critical 
 
PARONOMASIA. 157 
 
 Study of the Holy Scriptures, tolls us that it was a very favorite 
 figure of rhetoric among the Hebrews, and is yet common 
 among most of the Oriental nations. Professor Stuart, in his 
 Hebrew grammar, gives numerous examples of it in the Old 
 Testament, and Winer and Home point out others in the New 
 Testament, especially in the writings of St. Paul. These can- 
 not, of course, be equivalently expressed in English. 
 
 Many of the Greek authors exhibit a fondness for this rheto- 
 rical figure, and some of the most excellent puns extant are to 
 be found in the Greek Anthologies. As a specimen, the follow- 
 ing is given from Wesseling's Diodorus Siculus : — 
 
 Dioscurus, an Egyptian bishop, before he began the service, 
 had the common custom of saying etpyvr] ncurtv, (irene pasin,) 
 peace be to all. It was notorious that the pious churchman 
 had at home a favorite mistress, whose name was Irene, which 
 incident produced the following smart epigram :— 
 
 Etprivrj -navrtaaiv tniaicoiros tcntv txeXSwv 
 n&>? 6vvarai -naaiv, f/v /xoj/oj evdov sxei; 
 
 (The good bishop wishes peace — Irene — to all ; 
 
 But how can he give that to all, which he keeps to himself at home ?) 
 
 A PUN-GENT CHAPTER. 
 
 At one time there was a general strike among the working- 
 men of Paris, and Theodore Hook gave the following amusing 
 account of the affair : — li The bakers, being ambitious to extend 
 their ato-mains, declared that a revolution was needed, and, 
 though not exactly bred up to arms, soon reduced their crusty 
 masters to terms. The tailors called a council of the board to 
 see what measures should be taken, and, looking upon the 
 bakers as the flower of chivalry, decided to follow suit; the con- 
 sequence of which was, that a cereous insurrection was lighted 
 up among the candle-makers, which, however wick-ed it might 
 appear in the eyes of some persons, developed traits of charac- 
 ter not unworthy of ancient Greece." 
 
 14 
 
158 PARONOMASIA. 
 
 Why should no man starve on the deserts of Arabia ? 
 
 Because of the sand which is there. 
 
 How came the sandwiches there ? 
 
 The tribe of Ham was bred there, and mustered. 
 
 A clergyman who had united in marriage a couple whose 
 Christian names were Benjamin and Annie, on being asked by 
 a mutual friend how they appeared during the ceremony, re- 
 plied that they appeared both anme-mated and &ewe-fitted. 
 
 Mr. Manners, who had but lately been created Earl of Rut- 
 land, said to Sir Thomas More, just made Lord Chancellor, — 
 " You are so much elated with your preferment that you 
 verify the old proverb, — 
 
 Eonore8 mutant Mores. * 
 " No, my lord," said Sir Thomas : " the pun will do much 
 better in English : — 
 
 Honors change Manners." 
 
 An old writer said that when cannons were introduced as 
 negotiators, the canons of the church were useless; that the 
 world was governed first by mitrum, and then by nitrum, — first 
 by St. Peter, and then by saltpetre. 
 
 Colman, the dramatist, on being asked whether he knew 
 Theodore Hook, replied, "Oh, yes: Hook and Eye are old 
 associates." 
 
 Punch says, "the milk of human kindness is not to be 
 found in the pail of society." If so, we think it is time for 
 all hands to " hick the bucket." 
 
 Judge Peters, formerly of the Philadelphia Bench, observed 
 to a friend, during a trial that was going on, that one of the 
 witnesses had a vegetable head. " How so ?" was the inquiry. 
 " He has carroty hair, reddish cheeks, a turnup nose, and a 
 sage look." 
 
 Tom Hood, seeing over the shop-door of a beer-vendor, — 
 Bear Sold Here, 
 said it was spelled right, because it was his own Bruin. 
 
PARONOMASIA. 159 
 
 Charles Mathews, the comedian, was served by a green-gro- 
 cer, named Berry, and generally settled his bill once a quarter. 
 At one time the account was sent in before it was due, and 
 Mathews, laboring under an idea that his credit was doubted, 
 said, " Here's a pretty mull, Berry. You have sent in your 
 bill, Berry, before it is due, Berry. Your father, the elder 
 Berry, would not have been such a goose, Berry ; but you need 
 not look so black, Berry, for I don't care a straw, Berry, and 
 shaVt pay you till Christmas, Berry." 
 
 Sheridan, being dunned by a tailor to pay at least the interest 
 on his bill, answered that it was not his interest to pay the 
 principal, nor his principle to pay the interest. 
 
 In the " Old India House" may still be seen a quarto volume 
 of Interest Tables, on the fly-leaf of which is written, in Charles 
 Lamb's round, clerkly hand, — 
 
 "A book of much interest"— Edinburgh Review. 
 "A work in which the interest never flags."— Quarterly Review. 
 " We may say of this volume, that the interest increases from the begin- 
 ning to the end." — Monthly Review. 
 
 Turner, the painter, was at a dinner where several artists, 
 amateurs, and literary men were convened. A poet, by way 
 of being facetious, proposed as a toast, " The Painters and 
 Glaziers of England." The toast was drunk; and Turner, 
 after returning thanks for it, proposed "Success to the Paper- 
 Stainers," and called on the poet to respond. 
 
 SHORT ROAD TO WEALTH. 
 I'll tell you a plan for gaining wealth, 
 
 Better than banking, trade, or leases ; 
 Take a bank-note and fold it across, 
 
 And then you will find your money in-cre ases ! 
 This wonderful plan, without danger or loss, 
 
 Keeps your cash in your hands, and with nothing to trouble it ; 
 And every time that you fold it across, 
 
 'Tis plain as the light of the day that you double it! 
 
 " I cannot move," the plaintive invalid cries, 
 * Nor sit, nor stand." — If he says true, he lie*. 
 
160 * '. PARONOMASIA. 
 
 Dr. Johnson having freely expressed his aversion to punning, 
 Boswell hinted that his illustrious friend's dislike to this species 
 of small wit might arise from his inability to play upon words. 
 "Sir", roared Johnson, "if I were punish-ed for every pun I 
 shed, there would not be left a puny shed of my punnish head." 
 Once, by accident, he made a singular pun. A person who 
 affected to live after the Greek manner, and to anoint himself 
 with oil, was one day mentioned to him. Johnson, in the course 
 of conversation on the singularity of his practice, give him the 
 denomination of this man of Grease. 
 
 Sydney Smith — so Lord Houghton in his Monographs tells 
 us — has written depreciatingly of all playing upon words; but 
 his rapid apprehension could not altogether exclude a kind of 
 wit which, in its best forms, takes fast hold of the memory, 
 besides the momentary amusement it excites. His objection 
 to the superiority of a city feast: "I cannot wholly value a 
 dinner by the test you do (testudo~);" — his proposal to settle the 
 question of the wood pavement around St. Paul's: "Let the 
 Canons once lay their heads together and the thing will be done ;" 
 — his pretty compliment to his friends, Mrs. Tighe and Mrs. 
 Cuffe : "Ah ! there you are : the cuff that every one would wear, 
 the tie that no one would loose" — may be cited as perfect in 
 their way. 
 
 Admiral Duncan's address to the officers who came on board 
 his ship for instructions, previous to the engagement with Ad- 
 miral de Winter, was laconic and humorous : " Gentlemen, you 
 see a severe Winter approaching ; I have only to advise you to 
 keep up a good fire." 
 
 Theodore Hook plays thus on the same name : — 
 
 Here comes Mr. Winter, inspector of taxes; 
 
 I advise you to give him whatever he axes; 
 
 I advise you to give him without any flummery, 
 
 For though his name's Winter his actions are summary. 
 
 Henry Erskine's toast to the mine-owners of Lancashire : — 
 Sink your pits, hlast your mines, dam your rivers, consume your manu- 
 factures, disperse your commerce, and may your labors be in vein. 
 
PARONOMASIA. 161 
 
 TOM MOORE. 
 
 When Limerick, in idle whim, 
 
 Moore as her member lately courted, 
 ' The boys/ for form's sake, asked of him 
 
 To state what party he supported. 
 
 When thus his answer promptly ran, 
 
 (Now give the wit his meed of glory :) 
 14 I'm of no party as a man, 
 
 But as a poet am-a-tory." 
 
 TOP AND BOTTOM. 
 
 The following playful colloquy in verse took place at a din- 
 ner-table, between Sir George Rose and James Smith, in allu- 
 sion to Craven street, Strand, where the latter resided : — 
 
 J. S. — At the top of my street the attorneys abound, 
 And down at the bottom the barges are found : 
 Fly, honesty, fly to some safer retreat, 
 For there's craft in the river, and craft in the street* 
 Sir G. R. — Why should honesty fly to some safer retreat, 
 From attorneys, and barges, od-rot 'em ? 
 For the lawyers are just at the top of the street, 
 And the barges are just at the bottom. 
 
 OLD JOKE VERSIFIED. 
 
 Says Tom to Bill, pray tell me, sir, 
 
 Why is it that the devil, 
 In spite of all his naughty ways, 
 
 Can never be uncivil ? 
 
 Says Bill to Tom, the answer's plain 
 
 To any mind that's bright : 
 Because the imp of darkness, sir, 
 
 Can ne'er be imp o' light. 
 
 A printer's epitaph. 
 
 Here lies a form — place no imposing stone 
 
 To mark the head, where weary it is lain ; 
 'Tis matter dead ! — its mission being done, 
 To be distributed to dust again. 
 • The body's but the type, at best, of man, 
 
 Whoso impress is the spirit's deathless page; 
 Worn out, the type is thrown to pi again, 
 The impression lives through an eternal age. 
 L 14* 
 
162 PARONOMASIA. 
 
 STICKY. 
 I want to seal a letter, Dick, 
 
 Some wax pray give to me. — 
 I have not got a single stick, 
 
 Or wkack* I'd give to thee. 
 
 WOMEN. 
 
 When Eve brought woe to all mankind, 
 
 Old Adam called her tco-man ; 
 But when she tcoo'd with love so kind, 
 
 He then pronounced her woo-man. 
 
 But now with folly and with pride, 
 
 Their husbands' pockets trimming, 
 The ladies are so full of whims, 
 
 The people call them whim-men. 
 
 BEN, THE SAILOR. 
 
 His death, which happened in his berth, 
 
 At forty odd befell : 
 They went and told the sexton, and 
 
 The sexton tolled the bell. — Hood's Faithless Sally Brown. 
 
 WHISKERS VERSUS RAZOR. 
 With whiskers thick upon my face 
 
 I went my fair to see ; 
 She told me she could never love 
 
 A bear-faced chap like me. 
 
 I shaved then clean, and called again, 
 
 And thought my troubles o'er; 
 She laughed outright, and said I was 
 
 More bare-faced than before ! 
 
 COMPLIMENT OP SHERIDAN TO MISS PAYNE. 
 'Tis true I am ill ; but I cannot complain, 
 For he never know pleasure who never knew Payne. 
 
 FROM DR. HOLMES' 
 
 Thus great Achilles, who had shown his zeal 
 
 In HEALING WOUNDS, died of a WOUNDED HEEIi ; 
 
 Unhappy chief, who, when in childhood doused, 
 Had saved his bacon had his feet been soused ! 
 Accursed heel, that killed a hero stout ! 
 Oh, had your mother known that you were out, 
 
PARONOMASIA. 163 
 
 Death had not entered at the trifling part 
 That still defies the small chirurgeon's art 
 With corn and bunions, — not the glorious Jc hn 
 Who wrote the book we all have pondered on, — 
 But other bunions, bound in fleecy hoso, 
 To "Pilgrim's Progress" unrelenting foes ! 
 
 PLAINT OF THE OLD PAUPER. 
 
 Some boast of their FORE-fathers — I — 
 
 I have not one ! 
 I am, I think, like Joshua, 
 
 Tho son of none ! 
 
 Heedless in youth, we little note 
 
 How quick time passes, 
 For then flows ruby wine, not sand, 
 
 In our glasses ! 
 
 Rich friends (most pure in honor) all have fled 
 
 Sooner or later; 
 Pshaw ! had they India's spices, they'd not be 
 
 A nutmeg-GRATER ! 
 
 I've neither chick nor child ; as I have nothing, 
 
 Why, 'tis lucky rather; 
 Yet who that hears a squalling baby wishes 
 
 Not tO be FATHER? 
 
 Some few years back my spirits and my youth 
 
 Were quite amazin'; 
 Brisk as a pony, or a lawyer's clerk, 
 
 Just fresh from Gray's Inn! 
 
 What am I now? weak, old, and poor, and by 
 
 The parish found ; 
 Their tence keeps me, while many an ass 
 
 Enjoys the parish pound ! 
 
 TO MY NOSE. 
 
 Knows he that never took a pinch, 
 
 Nosey ! the pleasure thence which flows ? 
 Knows he the titillating joy 
 
 Which my nose knows ? 
 
 Oh, nose ! I am as fond of thee 
 
 As any mountain of its snows ! 
 I gaze on thee, and feel that pride 
 
 A Roman knows ! 
 
164 PARONOMASIA. 
 
 BOOK-LARCENY. 
 
 Sir Walter Scott said that some of his friends were bad 
 accountants, but excellent book-keepers. 
 
 How hard, when those who do not wish 
 
 To lend — that's lose — their books, 
 Are snared by anglers — folks that fish 
 
 With literary hooks j 
 
 Who call and take some favorite tome, 
 
 But never read it through ; 
 They thus complete their sett at home, 
 
 By making one of you. 
 
 I, of my Spenser quite bereft, 
 
 Last winter sore was shaken ; 
 Of Lamb I've but a quarter left, 
 
 Nor could I save my Bacon. 
 
 They picked my Locke, to me far more 
 
 Than Bramah's patent worth j 
 And now my losses I deplore, 
 
 Without a Home on earth. 
 
 Even Glover's works I cannot put 
 
 My frozen hands upon ; 
 Though ever since I lost my Foote, 
 
 My Bunyan has been gone. 
 
 My life is wasting fast away j 
 
 I suffer from these shocks ; 
 And though I've fixed a lock on Gray, 
 
 There's gray upon my locks. 
 
 They still have made me slight returns, 
 
 And thus my grief divide ; 
 For oh ! they've cured me of my Burns, 
 
 And eased my Akenside. 
 
 But all I think I shall not say, 
 
 Nor let my anger burn ; 
 For as they have not found me Gay, 
 
 They have not left me Sterne. 
 
 THE VEGETABLE GIRL. 
 
 Behind a market stall installed, 
 
 I mark it every day, 
 Stands at her stand the fairest girl 
 
 I've met with in the bay ; 
 
PARONOMASIA. 165 
 
 Her two lips are of cherry red, 
 
 Her hands a pretty pair, . 
 With such a pretty turn-up nose, 
 
 And lovely reddish hair. 
 
 Tis there she stands from morn till night 
 
 Her customers to please, 
 And to appease their appetite 
 
 She sells them beans and peas. 
 Attracted by the glances from 
 
 The apple of her eye, 
 And by her Chili apples, too, 
 
 Each passer-by will buy. 
 
 She stands upon her little feet, 
 
 Throughout the livelong day, 
 And sells her celery and things, — 
 
 A big feat, by the way. 
 She changes off her stock for change, 
 
 Attending to each call ; 
 And when she has but one beet left, 
 
 She says, " Now that beats all." 
 
 EPITAPH ON AN OLD HORSE. 
 
 Here lies a faithful steed, 
 A. stanch, uncompromising " silver grayj" 
 Who ran the race of life with sprightly speed, 
 
 Yet never ran — away. 
 
 Wild oats he never sowed, 
 Yet masticated tame ones with much zest : 
 Cheerful he bore each light allotted load, 
 
 As cheerfully took rest 
 
 Bright were his eyes, yet soft, 
 And in the main his tail was white and flowing ; 
 And though he never sketched a single draught, 
 
 He showed great taste for drawing. 
 
 Lithe were his limbs, and clean, 
 Fitted alike for buggy or for dray, 
 And like Napoleon the Great, I ween, 
 
 He had a martial neigh. 
 
 Oft have I watched him grace 
 Bis favorite stall, well littered, warm, and fair, 
 With such contentment shining from his face, 
 
 And such a stable air] 
 
166 PARONOMASIA. 
 
 With here and there a speck 
 Of roan diversifying his broad back, 
 And, martyr-like, a halter round his neck, 
 
 Which bound him to the raek. 
 
 Mors omnibus ! at length 
 . Tbe hay-day of his life was damped by death; 
 So, summoning all his late remaining strength, 
 He drew bis — final breath. 
 
 GRAND SCHEME OP EMIGRATION. 
 
 The Brewers should to Malt-a go, 
 The Loggerheads to Scilly, 
 
 The Quakers to the Friendly Isles, 
 The Furriers all to Chili. 
 
 The little squalling, brawling brats, 
 That break our nightly rest, 
 
 Should be packed off to Baby-Ion, 
 To Lap-land, or to Brest. 
 
 From Spit-head Cooks go o'er to Greece/ 
 And whilo the Miser waits 
 
 His passage to the Guinea coast, 
 Spendthrifts are in the Straits. 
 
 Spinsters should to the Needles go, 
 Wine-bibbers to Burgundy ; 
 
 Gourmands should lunch at Sandwich Isles, 
 Wags in the Bay of Fun-dy. 
 
 Musicians hasten to the Sound, 
 The surpliced Priest to Borne; 
 
 While still the race of Hypocrites 
 At Cant-on are at home. 
 
 Lovers should hasten to Good Hope ; 
 
 To some Cape Horn is pain ; 
 Debtors should go to Oh-i-o, 
 
 And Sailors to the Main-e. 
 
 Hie, Bachelors, to the United States i 
 Maids, to the Isle of Man ; 
 
 Let Gardeners go to Botany Bay, 
 And Shoeblacks to Japan. 
 
 Thus, emigrants and misplaced men 
 Will then no longer vex us ; 
 
 And all that a'n't provided for 
 Had better go to Texas. 
 
PARONOMASIA. 167 
 
 THE PERILOUS PRACTICE OF PUNNING. 
 
 Theodore Hook thus cautions young people to resist provo- 
 cation to the habit of punning: — 
 
 My little dears, who learn to read, pray early learn to shun 
 
 That very silly thing indeed which people call a pun. 
 
 Read Entick's rules, and 'twill be found how simple an offence 
 
 It is to make the self-same sound afford a double sense. 
 
 For instance, ale may make you ail, your aunt an ant may kill, 
 
 You in a vale may buy a vail, and Bill may pay the bill, 
 
 Or if to France your bark you steer, at Dover it may be, 
 
 A peer appears upon the pier, who, blind, still goes to sea. 
 
 Thus one might say when to a treat good friends accept our greeting, 
 
 'Tis meet that men who meet to eat, should eat their meat when meeting. 
 
 Brawn on the board 's no bore indeed, although from boar prepared ; 
 
 Nor can the fowl on which we feed foul feeding be declared. 
 
 Thus one ripe fruit may be a pear, and yet be pared again, 
 
 And still be one, which seemeth rare, until we do explain. 
 
 It therefore should be all your aim to speak with ample care ; 
 
 For who, however fond of game, would choose to swallow hair? 
 
 A fat man's gait may make us smile, who has no gate to close ; 
 
 The farmer sitting on his stile no stylish person knows ; 
 
 Perfumers men of scents must be; some Scilly men are bright; 
 
 A brown man oft deep read we see — a black a wicked wight. 
 
 Most wealthy men good manners have, however vulgar they, 
 
 And actors still the harder slave the oftener they play ; 
 
 So poets can't the baize obtain unless their tailors choose, 
 
 While grooms and coachmen not in vain each evening seek the meios. 
 
 The dyer who by dying lives, a dire life maintains; 
 
 The glazier, it is known, receives his profits from his panes ; 
 
 By gardeners thyme is tied, 'tis true, when Spring is in its prime, 
 
 But time or tide won't wait for you, if you are tied for time. 
 
 There now you see, my little dears, the way to make a pun ; 
 
 A trick which you, through coming years, should sedulously shun. 
 
 The fault admits of no defense, for wheresoe'er 'tis found, 
 
 You sacrifice the sound for sense, the sense is never sound. 
 
 So let your words and actions too, one single meaning prove, 
 
 And, just in all you say or do, you'll gain esteem and love : 
 
 In mirth and play no harm you'll know, when duty's task is done ; 
 
 But parents ne'er should let you go unpunished for a, pun. 
 
 The motto of the Pilotage Commission of the river Tyne : — 
 
 In portu salus. 
 
 In port you sail us. 
 
168 PARONOMASIA. 
 
 SONNET 
 On a youth who died from a surfeit of fruit. 
 Currants have checked the current of my blood, 
 And berries brought me to be buried here j 
 Pears have pared off my body's hardihood, 
 And plums and plumbers spare not one so spare : 
 Fain would I feign my fall ; so fair a fare 
 Lessens not fate, but 'tis a lesson good : 
 Gilt will not long hide guilt ; such thin-washed ware 
 Wears quickly, and its rude touch soon is rued. 
 Grave on my grave some sentence grave and terse, 
 That lies not, as it lies upon my clay ; 
 But, in a gentle strain of unstrained verse, 
 Prays all to pity a poor patty's prey ; 
 Rehearses I was fruit-full to my hearse, 
 Tells that my days are told, and soon I'm toll'd away ! 
 
 Previous to the battle of Culloden, when Marshal Wade and 
 Generals Cope and Hawley were prevented by the severity of the 
 weather from advancing as far into Scotland as they intended, 
 the following lines were circulated among their opposers : — 
 
 Cope could not cope, nor Wade wade through the snow, 
 
 Nor Hawley haul his cannon to the foe. 
 
 When Mrs. Norton was called on to subscribe to a fund for 
 the relief of Thomas Hood's widow, which had been headed 
 by Sir Robert Peel, she sent a liberal donation with these 
 lines : — 
 
 To cheer the widow's heart in her distress, 
 To make provision for the fatherless, 
 Is but a Christian's duty, and none should 
 Resist the heart-appeal of widow-Hood. 
 
 M. Mario's visit to this country recalls to mind the sharpest 
 witticism of Madame G-risi, at the time his wife, and one of 
 the best bits of repartee on record. Louis Phillippe, passing 
 through a room where Grrisi stood, holding two of her young 
 children by the hand, said gaily : "Ah ! Madame, are those, 
 then, some of your little Grisettes?" "No, Sire," was the 
 quick reply, perfect in every requirement of the pun, " No, 
 Sire, these are my little Marionettes." 
 
PARONOMASIA. 169 
 
 A learned judge, of facetious memory, is reported to have 
 said, in an argument in arrest of the judgment of death, "I 
 think we had better let the subject drop." 
 
 swift's latin puns. 
 Among the nugse of Dean Swift are his celebrated Latin 
 puns, some of which are well known, having been frequently 
 copied, and having never been excelled. The following selec- 
 tions will serve as specimens. They consist entirely of Latin 
 words ) but, by allowing for false spelling, and running the words 
 into each other, the sentences make good sense in English : — 
 Mollis abuti, (Moll is a beauty, 
 
 Has an acuti, Has an acute eye, 
 
 No lasso finis, No lasc so fine is, 
 
 Molli divinis. Molly divine is. 
 
 Omi de armis tres, my dear mistress, 
 
 Imi na dis tres, I'm in a distress, 
 
 Cantu disco ver Can't you discover 
 
 Meas alo ver ? Me as a lover ?) 
 
 In a subsequent epistolary allusion to this, he says : — 
 
 I ritu a verse o na molli o mi ne, 
 Asta lassa me pole, a laedis o fine ; 
 I ne ver neu a niso ne at in mi ni is ; 
 A manat a glans ora sito fer diis. 
 De armo lis abuti hos face an hos nos is, 
 As fer a sal illi, as reddas aro sis ; 
 Ac is o mi molli is almi de lite; 
 Illo verbi de, an illo verbi nite. 
 
 (I writ you a verse on a Molly o" mine, 
 As tall as a may-pole, a lady so fine ; 
 I never knew any so neat in mine eyes ; 
 A man, at a glance or a sight of her, dies. 
 Dear Molly 's a beauty, whose face and whose nose is 
 As fair as a lily, as red as a rose is ; 
 A kiss o' my Molly is all my delight; 
 I love her by day, and I love her by night.) 
 
 Extract from the consultation of four physicians on a lord 
 that was dying. 
 1st Doctor Is his honor sic? Prae laetus felis pulse. It do 
 es beat veris loto de. 
 
 15 
 
170 PARONOMASIA. 
 
 2c? Doctor. No notis as qui cassi e ver fel tu metri it. Inde 
 edit is as fastas an alarum, ora lire bellat nite. 
 
 3c? Doctor. It is veri hei ! 
 
 4th Doctor. Noto contra dictu in my juge mentitis veri loto 
 de. It is as orto maladi, sum callet. [Here e ver id octo reti 
 resto a par lori na mel an coli post ure.] 
 
 1st D. It is a me gri mas I opi ne. 
 
 2c? D. No docto rite quit fora quin si. Heris a plane sim 
 tomo fit. Sorites Paracelsus. Prse re adit. 
 
 1st D. Nono, Doctor, I ne ver quo te aqua casu do. 
 
 2d D. Sum arso; mi autoris no ne. 
 
 3d D. No quare lingat prse senti de si re. His honor is sic 
 offa colli casure as I sit here. 
 
 4th D. It is aether an atro phi ora colli casu sed : Ire mem- 
 bri re ad it in Doctor me ades esse, here it is. 
 
 3d D. I ne ver re ad apage in it, no re ver in tendit. 
 
 2d D. Fer ne is offa qui te di ferent noti o nas i here. 
 
 1st D. It me bea pluri si; avo metis veri pro perfor a man 
 at his age. 
 
 1st D. Is his honor sick ? Pray let us feel his pulse. It does beat very 
 slow to-day. 
 
 2d D. No, no, 'tis as quick as ever I felt ; you may try it. Indeed, it is as 
 fast as an alarum, or a fire-bell at night. 
 
 Zd D. It is very high. 
 
 Ath 1). Not to contradict you, in my judgment it is very slow to day. It 
 is a sort of malady, some call it. (Here every doctor retires to a j»arlor in a 
 melancholy posture.) 
 
 1st 1). It is a megrim, as I opine. 
 
 2d B. No, doctor, I take it for a quinsy. Here is a plain symptom of it. 
 So writes Paracelsus. Pray read it. 
 
 1st D. No, no, doctor, I never quote a quack as you do. 
 
 2c? D. Some are so ; my author is none. 
 
 Zd I). No quarrelling at present, I desire. His honor is sick of a colic as 
 sure as I sit here. 
 
 Ath D. It is either an atrophy, or a colic, as you said. I remember I read 
 it in Dr. Mead's Essay : here it is. 
 
 3d D. I never read a page in it, nor ever intend it. 
 
 2d D. Ferae is of a quite different notion, as I hear. 
 
 1st D. It may be a pleurisy; a vomit is very proper for a man at his age. 
 
PARONOMASIA. 171 
 
 2d D. lire par donat praesanti des ire; His dis eas is a cata 
 ride clare it. 
 
 3d D. Atlas tume findit as tone in his quid ni es. 
 
 4th D. Itis ale pro si fora uti se. Ab lis ter me bene cessa 
 risum de cens. Itis as ure niedi in manicas es. 
 
 3d D. I findit isto late tot liinc offa reme di j fori here his 
 honor is de ad. 
 
 2d D. His ti meis cum. 
 
 1st D. Is it trudo ut hinc ? 
 
 4th D. It is veri certa in. His Paris his belli sto ringo ut 
 for is de partu re. 
 
 3d D. Nae i fis ecce lens is de ad lsetus en dum apri esto 
 
 prae foris sole. 
 
 2d D, Your pardon at present I desire. His disease is a catarrh, I declare it. 
 3d D. At last you may find it a stone in his kidneys. 
 Ath D. It is a leprosy for aught I see. A blister may be necessary some 
 days hence. It is a sure remedy in many cases. 
 
 3c? D. I find it is too late to think of a remedy ; for I hear his honor is dead. 
 2d D. His time is come.' 
 1st D. Is it true, do you think ? 
 
 Ath J). It is very certain. His parish bell is to ring out for his departure. 
 3d D. Nay, if his excellency's dead, let us send 'em a priest to pray for 
 his soul. 
 
 UNCONSCIOUS OR UNINTENTIONAL PUNS. 
 Elizabeth's sylvan dress was therefore well suited at once to her height 
 and to the dignity of her mein, which her conscious rank and long habits 
 of authority had rendered in some degree too masculine to be seen to the 
 best advantage in ordinary female weeds. — Kem'lworth, iii. 9. 
 I'll gild the faces of the grooms withal 
 That it may seem their guilt. — Macbeth. 
 While underneath the eaves 
 
 The brooding swallows cling, 
 As if to show their sunny backs 
 
 And twit me with the spring. — Song of the Shirt. 
 
 RUSSIAN DOUBLE ENTENDRE. 
 
 The following message was sent to the Emperor Nicholas 
 by one of his generals : — 
 
 Volia Vascha, a, Varschavoo vsi'at nemogoo. 
 
 {™ur wilful-powerful, 1 bl " Wa ™ w I caM °' teke ' 
 
172 PARONOMASIA. 
 
 CLASSICAL PUNS AND MOTTOES. 
 
 Sydney Smith proposed as a motto for Bishop Burgess, bro- 
 ther to the well-known fish-sauce purveyor, the following Vir- 
 gilian pun (iEn. iv. 1), — 
 
 Gravi jamdudum saucia cura. 
 
 A London tobacconist, who had become wealthy, and deter- 
 mined to set up his carriage, applied to a learned gentleman for 
 a motto. The scholar gave him the Horatian question, — 
 
 QUID RIDES ? 
 
 (Why do you laugh ?—Sat. I. 69)— 
 
 which was accordingly adopted, and painted on the panel. 
 
 A pedantic bachelor had the following inscription on his tea- 
 caddy : — 
 
 TV DOCES. 
 
 (Thou Tea-chest.) 
 Epitaph on a Cat, ascribed to Dr. Johnson (Hor. lib. i., c. 12): — 
 
 MI-CAT INTER OMNES. 
 
 Two gentlemen about to enter an unoccupied pew in a 
 church, the foremost found it locked. His companion, not 
 perceiving it at the moment, inquired why he retreated. " Pu- 
 dor vetat" said he. (Modesty forbids.) 
 
 A gentleman at dinner requested a friend to help him to a 
 potato, which he did, saying, "I think you will find that a good 
 mealy one." " Thank you," quoth the other: "it could not 
 be melior" (better). 
 
 A student of Latin, being confined to his room by illness, 
 was called upon by a friend. " What, John," said the visitor, 
 "sick, eh?" "Yes," replied John, "sic sum" (so I am). 
 
 In King's College were two delinquents named respectively 
 Payne and Culpepper. Payne was expelled, but Culpepper 
 escaped punishment. Upon this, a wit wrote the following apt 
 line 5— 
 
 Poena, perire potest; Culpa perennia est. 
 
PARONOMASIA. 173 
 
 Andrew Borde, author of the Breviary of Health, called 
 himself in Latin Andreas Perforatus. This translation of a 
 proper name was according to the fashion of the time, but in 
 this instance includes a pun, — perforatus, bored or pierced. 
 
 Joseph II., Emperor of Germany, during a visit to Rome, 
 went to see the princess Santacroce, a young lady of singular 
 beauty, who had an evening conversazione. Next morning 
 appeared the following pasquinade. u Pasquin asks, ' What 
 is the Emperor Joseph come to Rome for V Marforio answers, 
 'Abaciar la Santa Croce' " — to kiss the Holy Cross. 
 
 On the trial of Garnett, the Superior of the Jesuits, for his 
 participation in the Gunpowder Plot, Coke, then Attorney- 
 General, concluded his speech thus: — Qui cum Jesu itis, non 
 itis cum Jesuit is. 
 
 A few years ago, several Jesuits came into the lecture-room 
 of an Italian professor in the University of Pisa, believing he 
 was about to assail a favorite dogma of theirs. He commenced 
 his lecture with the following words, — 
 
 " Quanti Gesuiti sono all' inferno I" 
 (How many Jesuits there are in hell !) 
 
 When remonstrated with, he said that his words were — 
 
 . " Quanti — Gesu ! — iti sono all' inferno !" 
 
 (How many people, Jesus! there are in hell!) 
 
 D'Israeli says that Bossuet would not join his young com- 
 panions, and flew to his solitary tasks, while the classical boys 
 avenged themselves by a schoolboy's pun ; applying to Bossuet 
 Virgil's bos suet-us aratro — the ox daily toiling in the plough. 
 
 John Randolph of Virginia, and Mr. Dana of Connecticut, 
 while fellow-members of Congress, belonged to different po- 
 litical parties. On one occasion Mr. Dana paid some hand- 
 some compliments to Mr. Randolph. When the latter spoke 
 in reply, he quoted from Virgil (iEn. ii.) : — 
 
 Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes. 
 15* 
 
174 PARONOMASIA. 
 
 A lady having accidentally thrown down a Cremona fiddle 
 with her mantua, Dean Swift instantly remarked, — 
 
 "Mantua vse miserge nimiuin vieina Gremonse." 
 
 Ah, Mantua, too near the wretched Cremona. (Virg. Eel. ix. 28.) 
 To an old gentleman who had lost his spectacles one rainy 
 evening, the Dean said, " If this rain continues all night, you 
 will certainly recover them in the morning betimes : 
 
 "Nocte pluit tota — redeunt spectacula mane." (Virgil.) 
 Quid facies facies veneris si veneris ante ? 
 Ne pereas pereas, ne sedeas, sedeas. 
 (What will you do if you shall come before the face of Venus ? Lest you 
 should perish through them, do not sit down, but go away.) 
 
 Sir William Dawes, Archbishop of York, was very fond of 
 a pun. His clergy dining with him for the first time after he 
 had lost his wife, he told them he feared they did not find 
 things in so good order as they used to be in the time of poor 
 Mary; and, looking extremely sorrowful, added with a deep 
 sigh, "she was indeed mare pacificum." A curate who knew 
 pretty well what her temper had been, said, "Yes, my lord, 
 but she was mare mortuum first/' 
 
 That Homer should a bankrupt be, 
 Is not so very odd d'ye see, 
 If it be true as I'm instructed, 
 So ill he had his books conducted. 
 
 PUNNING MOTTOES OF THE ENGLISH PEERAGE. 
 
 Ne vile. Fano — Disgrace not the altar. Motto of the Fanes. 
 
 Ne vile velis — Form no mean wish. The Nevilles. 
 
 Cavendo tutus — Secure by caution. The Cavendishes. 
 
 Forte scutum, salus ducum — A strong shield the safety of 
 leaders. Lord Fortescue. 
 
 Ver non semper viret — The spring is not always green. 
 Lord Vernon. 
 
 Yero nihil verius — Nothing truer than truth. Lord Vere. 
 
 Templa quam delecta — Temples how beloved. Lord Tem- 
 ple. 
 
PARONOMASIA. 175 
 
 JEUX-DE-MOTS. 
 
 SPIRITUAL. 
 
 A wag decides — 
 
 That whiskey is the key by which many gain an entrance 
 into our prisons and almshouses. 
 
 That brandy brands the noses of all who cannot govern their 
 appetites. 
 
 That wine causes many a man to take a winding way home. 
 
 That punch is the cause of many unfriendly punches. 
 
 That ale causes many ailings, while beer brings many to the 
 bier. 
 
 That champagne is the source of many a real pain. 
 
 That gin-slings have " slewed" more than the slings of old. 
 
 That the reputation of being fond of cock-tails is not a 
 feather in any man's cap. ', 
 
 That the money spent for port that is supplied by portly 
 gents would support many a poor family. 
 
 That porter is a weak supporter for those who are weak in 
 body. 
 
 ANAGRAMMATIO. 
 
 The following sentence is said to be taken from a volume of 
 sermons published during the reign of James I. : — 
 
 This dial shows that we must die all; yet notwithstanding, 
 all houses are turned into ale houses; our cares into cates; our 
 paradise into-a pair o' dice; matrimony into a matter of 
 money, and marriage into a merry age; our divines have be- 
 come dry vines: it was not so in the days of Noah,- — ah! no. 
 
 ITERATIVE. 
 
 A clerical gentleman of Hartford, wbo once attended the 
 House of Kepresentatives to read prayers, being politely re- 
 quested to remain seated near the speaker during the debate, 
 found himself the spectator of an unmarrying process, so alien 
 to his own vocation, and so characteristic of the readiness of 
 
176 PARONOMASIA. 
 
 the Legislature of Connecticut to grant divorces, that the result 
 was the following impromptu: — 
 
 For cutting all connections famed, 
 Connect-i-cut is fairly named ; 
 I twain connect in one, but you 
 Cut those whom I connect in two. 
 Each legislator seems to say, 
 What you Connect I cut away. 
 
 Finn, the comedian, issued the following morceau upon the 
 announcement of his benefit at the Tremont Theatre, Boston : — 
 
 Like a grate full of coals I burn, 
 
 A great, full house to see ; 
 And if I should not grateful prove, 
 
 A great fool I should be. 
 
 A FAIR LETTER. 
 
 The following letter was received by a young lady at the 
 post-office of a Fair held for the benefit of a church : — 
 
 Fairest of the Fair. When such fair beings as you have 
 the /ai>-ness to honor our Fair with your fair presence, it is 
 perfectly fair that you should receive good fare from the fair 
 conductors of this Fair, and indeed it would be very unfair if 
 you should not fare well, since it is the endeavor of those 
 whose we\-fare depends upon the success of this Fair, to treat 
 all who come fair-ly, but to treat with especial fair-neaa 
 those who are as fair as yourself. We are engaged in a fair 
 cause, a sacred war-fare; that is, to speak without un-/a^r-ness, 
 a war-fare, not against the fair sex, but against the pockets 
 of their beaux. We therefore hope, gentle reader, " still /arr- 
 est found where all is fair," that you will use all fair exer- 
 tions in behalf of the praiseworthy ai-fair which we have fair-Xy 
 undertaken. If you take sufficient interest in our wel-/are to 
 lend your fair aid, you will appear fair-er than ever in our 
 sight; we will never treat you un-/aiV-ly, and when you with- 
 draw the light of your fair countenance from our Fair } we 
 will bid you a kind .Fare-well. 
 
PARONOMASIA. 1 77 
 
 « 
 
 The following was written on the occasion of a duel in Phila- 
 delphia, several years ago : — 
 
 Schott and Willing did engage 
 
 In duel fierce and hot ; 
 Schott shot Willing willingly, 
 
 And Willing he shot Schott. 
 
 The shot Schott shot made Willing quite 
 
 A spectacle to see j 
 While Willing's willing shot went right 
 
 Through Schott's anatomy. 
 
 WRITE WRITTEN RIGHT. 
 
 Write we know is written right, 
 When we see it written torite ; 
 But when we see it written wright, 
 We know it is not written right : 
 For write, to have it written right, 
 Must not be written right or wright, 
 Nor yet should it be written rite; 
 But write, for so 'tis written right. 
 
 TURN TO THE LEFT AS THE (ENGLISH) LAW DIRECTS. 
 
 The laws of the Road are a paradox quite ; 
 
 For when you are travelling along, 
 If you keep to the left you're sure to be right, 
 
 If you keep to the right you'll be wrong. 
 
 I cannot bear to see a bear, bear down upon a hare, 
 
 When bare of hair he strips the hare, for hare I cry, "forbear!" 
 
 ON THE DEATH OF THE EARL OF KILDARE. 
 Who killed Kildare t Who dared Kildare to kill t 
 
 Death answers, — 
 
 I killed Kildare, and dare kill whom I will. 
 
 A CWalectic MONODY. 
 A cat I sing of famous memory, 
 Though catachrestical my song may be : 
 In a small garden calacomb she lies, 
 And cataclysms fill her comrades' eyes ; 
 Borne on the air, the catacoustic song 
 Swells with her virtues' catalogue along ,• 
 No cataplasm could lengthen out her years, 
 Though mourning friends shed cataracts of tears. 
 M 
 
178 PARONOMASIA. , 
 
 Onco loud and strong her oatechist-like voice, 
 
 It dwindled to a cafcall's squeaking noise; 
 
 Most categorical her virtues shone, 
 
 By catenation joined each one to one ; — 
 
 But a vile catehpoll dog, with cruel bite, 
 
 Like carting's cut, her strength disabled quite; 
 
 Her caterwauling pierced the heavy air, 
 
 As catephracts their arms through legions bear; 
 
 'Tis vain ! as caterpillars drag away 
 
 Their lengths, like cattle after busy day, 
 
 She lingering died, nor left in kit kat the 
 
 Embodiment of this catastrophe. 
 
 NOVEMBER. 
 
 (Tho humorous lines of Hood are only applicable to the 
 English climate, where the closing month of autumn is syno- 
 nymous with fogs, long visages, and suicides.) 
 
 No sun — no moon ! 
 
 No morn — no noon- 
 No dawn — no dusk — no proper time of day — 
 
 No sky — no earthly view — 
 
 No distance looking blue — 
 No roads — no streets — no t'other side the way — 
 
 No end to any row — 
 
 No indication where tho crescents go— 
 
 No tops to any steeple — 
 No recognition of familiar people — 
 
 No courtesies for showing 'em — 
 
 No knowing 'em — 
 No travellers at all — no locomotion- 
 No inkling of the way — no motion — 
 
 * No go' by land or ocean — 
 
 No mail — no post — 
 
 No news from any foreign coast — 
 No park — no ring — no afternoon gentility — 
 
 No company — no nobility — 
 No warmth — no cheerfulness — no healthful ease- 
 No comfortable feel in any member — 
 No shade — no shine — no butterflies — no bees — 
 No fruits — no flowers — no leaves — no birds — 
 
 NO-VEMBER ! 
 
 The name of that monster of brutality, Caliban, in Shakspcare's Tempest, 
 is supposed to be anagrammatic of Canibal, the old mode of spelling Cannibal. 
 
PARONOMASIA 179 
 
 A SWARM OP BEES. 
 
 B patient, B prayerful, B humblo, B mild, 
 
 B wise as a Solon, B meek as a child ; 
 
 B studious, B thoughtful, B loving, B kind} 
 
 B sure you make matter subservient to mind. 
 
 B cautious, B prudent, B trustful, B true, 
 
 B courteous to all men, B friendly with few. 
 
 B temperate in argument, pleasure, and wine, 
 
 B careful of conduct, of money, of time. 
 
 B cheerful, B grateful, B hopeful, B firm, 
 
 B peaceful, benevolent, willing to learn; 
 
 B courageous, B gentle, B liberal, B just, 
 
 B aspiring, B humble, because thou art dust; 
 
 B penitent, circumspect, sound in the faith, 
 
 B active, devoted; B faithful till death. 
 
 B honest, B holy, transparent, and pure; 
 
 B dependent, B Christ-like, and you'll B secure 
 
 THE BEES OP THE BIBLE. 
 
 Be kindly affectioned one to another. 
 
 Be sober, and watch unto prayer. 
 
 Bo content with such things as ye have. 
 
 Be strong in the Lord. 
 
 Bo courteous. 
 
 Be not wise in your own conceits. 
 
 Bo not forgetful to entertain strangers. 
 
 Be not children in understanding. 
 
 Be followers of God, as dear children. 
 
 Be not weary in well-doing. 
 
 Be holy in all manner of conversation. 
 
 Be patient unto the coming of the Lord. 
 
 Be clothed with humility. 
 
 Dr. Franklin, in England in the year 1775, was asked by a 
 nobleman what would satisfy the Americans. He answered 
 that it might easily be comprised in a few " Re's," which he 
 immediately wrote on a piece of paper, thus : — 
 
 Re-call your forces. 
 
 Re-store Castle William. 
 
 Re-pair the damage done to Boston. 
 
 Re-peal your unconstitutional acts. 
 
 Re-nounce your pretensions to taxes. 
 
 Re-fund the duties you have extorted. 
 
180 PARONOMASIA. 
 
 After this — 
 Re-quire, and 
 Re-ceive payment for the destroyed tea, with the voluntary grants of the 
 
 Colonies ; and then 
 Re-joice in a happy 
 Re-conciliation. 
 
 THE MISS-NOMERS. 
 After the manner of Horace Smith's "Surnames ever go by contraries." 
 Miss Brown is exceedingly fair, 
 
 Miss White is as hrown as a herry ; 
 Miss Black has a gray head of hair, 
 
 Miss Graves is a flirt ever merry ; 
 Miss Lightbody weighs sixteen stone, 
 
 Miss Rich scarce can muster a guinea ; 
 Miss Hare wears a wig, and has none, 
 
 And Miss Solomon is a sad ninny ! 
 Miss Mildmay's a terrible scold, 
 
 Miss Dove's ever cross and contrary ; 
 Miss Young is now grown very old, 
 
 And Miss Heavy side's light as a fairy! 
 Miss Short is at least five feet ten, 
 
 Miss Noble's of humble extraction ; 
 Miss Love has a hatred towards men, 
 
 Whilst Miss Still is forever in action. 
 Miss Green is a regular blue, 
 
 Miss Scarlet looks pale as a lily; 
 Miss Violet ne'er shrinks from our view, 
 
 And Miss Wiseman thinks all the men silly ! * 
 
 Miss Goodchild's a naughty young elf, 
 
 Miss Lyon's from terror a fool ; 
 Miss Mee's not at all like myself, 
 
 Miss Carpenter no one can rule. 
 Miss Sadler ne'er mounted a horse, 
 
 While Miss Groom from the stable will run ; 
 Miss Kilmore can't look on a corse, 
 
 And Miss Aim well ne'er levelled a gun; 
 Miss Greathead has no brains at all, 
 
 Miss Heartwell is ever complaining; 
 Miss Dance has ne'er been at a ball, 
 
 Over hearts Miss Fairweather likes reigning ! 
 
 Miss Wright, she is constantly wrong, 
 
 Miss Tickell, alas ! is not funny ; 
 Miss Singer ne'er warbled a song, 
 
 And alas ! poor Miss Cash has no money ; 
 
PARONOMASIA. 181 
 
 Miss Hateman would give all slie's worth, 
 
 To purchase a man to her liking ; 
 Miss Merry is shocked at all mirth, 
 
 Miss Boxer the men don't find striking 1 
 Miss Bliss does with sorrow o'erflow, 
 
 Miss Hope in despair seeks the tomb ; 
 Miss Joy still anticipates wo, 
 
 And Miss Charity's never " at home !" 
 Miss Hamlet resides in the city, 
 
 The nerves of Miss Standfast are shaken; 
 Miss Pretty man's beau is not pretty, 
 
 And Miss Faithful her love has forsaken I 
 Miss Porter despises all froth, 
 
 Miss Scales they'll make wait, I am thinking; 
 Miss Meekly is apt to be wroth, 
 
 Miss Lofty to meanness is sinking; 
 Miss Seymore's as blind as a bat, 
 
 Miss Last at a party is first ; 
 Miss Brindle dislikes a striped cat, 
 
 And Miss Waters has always a thirst! 
 
 Miss Knight is now changed into Bay, 
 
 Miss Bay wants to marry a Knight; 
 Miss Prudence has just run away, 
 
 And Miss Steady assisted her flight; 
 But success to the fair, — one and all ! 
 
 No miss-apprehensions be making; — 
 Though wrong the dear sex to miss-call, 
 
 There's no harm, I should hope, in miss-taking. 
 
 CROOKED COINCIDENCES. 
 
 A pamphlet published in the year 1703 has the following 
 strange title: "The Deformity of Sin cured; a Sermon 
 preached at St. Michael's, Crooked-lsme, before the Prince of 
 Orange, by the Rev. J. Crookshanks. Sold by Matthew 
 Denton, at the Crooked Billet near Cripple-gate, and by all 
 other booksellers." The words of the text are, "Every 
 crooked path shall be made straight;" and the prince before 
 whom it was preached was deformed in person. 
 
 THE COURT-FOOL'S PUN ON ARCHBISHOP LAUD. 
 
 Great praise to God, and little Laud to the devil. 
 16 
 
182 ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 
 
 Dictionary English is something very different not only 
 from common colloquial English, but even from that of ordinary 
 written composition. Instead of about forty thousand words, 
 there is probably no single author in the language from whose 
 works, however voluminous, so many as ten thousand words 
 could be collected. Of the forty thousand words there are 
 certainly many more than one-half that are only employed, if 
 they are ever employed at all, on the rarest occasions. We should 
 be surprised to find, if we counted them, with how small a 
 number of words we manage to express all that we have to say, 
 either with our lips or with the pen. Our common literary 
 English probably hardly amounts to ten thousand words ; our 
 common spoken English hardly to five thousand. 
 
 Odd words are to be found in the dictionaries. Why they are 
 kept there no one knows ; but what man in his senses would use 
 such words as zythepsary for a brewhouse, and zymologist for a 
 brewer ) would talk of a stormy day as procellous and himself as 
 madefied ; of his long-legged son as increasing in procerity but 
 ■sadly marcid ) of having met with such procacity from such a 
 one ; of a bore as a macrologist ) of an aged horse as macrobi- 
 otic ; of important business as moliminous, and his daughter's 
 necklace as moniliform \ of some one's talk as meracious, and 
 lament his last night's nimiety of wine at that dapatical feast, 
 whence he was taken by ereption ? Open the dictionary at any 
 page, and you will find a host of these words. 
 
 By a too ready adoption of foreign words into the currency of 
 the English language, we are in danger of losing much of its 
 radical strength and historical significance. Marsh has compared 
 the parable of the man who built his house upon the sand, as 
 given by Matthew and Luke. Matthew uses the plain Saxon 
 English. The learned Evangelist, Luke, employed a Latinized 
 
ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 183 
 
 dictionary. "Now/' he says, " compare the two passages and 
 say which to every English ear, is the most impressive : " 
 
 " And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds 
 blew, and beat upon that house, and it fell, and great was the fall 
 of it." — Matthew. 
 
 "Against which the stream did beat vehemently, and imme- 
 diately it fell; and the ruin of that house was great." — Luke. 
 
 There can scarcely be a difference of opinion as to the 
 relative force and beauty of the two versions, and consequently 
 we find, that while that of Matthew has become proverbial, the 
 narrative of Luke is seldom or never quoted. 
 
 Trench says that the Anglo-Saxon is not so much one ele- 
 ment of the English language, as the foundation of it — the basis. 
 All its joints, its whole articulation, its sinews and its ligaments, 
 the great body of articles, pronouns, conjunctions, prepositions, 
 numerals, auxiliary verbs, all smaller words which serve to knit 
 together and bind the larger into sentences, these — not to speak 
 of the grammatical structure of the language — are exclusively 
 Saxon. The Latin may contribute its tale of bricks, yea, of 
 goodly and polished hewn stones to the spiritual building, but 
 the mortar, with all that holds and binds these together, and 
 constitutes them into a house, is Saxon throughout." As proof 
 positive of the soundness of the above affirmation, the test is 
 submitted that — "you can write a sentence without Latin, but 
 you cannot without Saxon." The words of the Lord's Prayer 
 are almost all Saxon. Our good old family Bible is a capital 
 standard of it, and has done more than any other book for the 
 conservation of the purity of our language. Our best writers, 
 particularly those of Queen Anne's time, — Addison, Steele, 
 Swift, &c, — were distinguished by their use of simple Saxon. 
 
 SOURCES OF THE LANGUAGE. 
 
 Some years ago, a gentleman, after carefully examining the 
 folio edition of Johnson's Dictionary, formed the following table 
 of English words derived from other languages : — 
 
184 ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OP EXPRESSION. 
 
 Latin 6,732 
 
 French 4,812 
 
 Saxon 1,665 
 
 Greek 1,148 
 
 Dutch 691 
 
 Italian 211 
 
 German 116 
 
 Welsh 95 
 
 Danish 75 
 
 Spanish 56 
 
 Icelandic 50 
 
 Swedish.... 34 
 
 Gothic 31 
 
 Hebrew 16 
 
 Teutonic 15 
 
 Arabic 13 
 
 Irish ....6 
 
 Runic 4 
 
 Flemish 4 
 
 Erse 4 
 
 Syriac 3 
 
 Scottish 3 
 
 Irish and Erse 2 
 
 Turkish 2 
 
 Irish and Scottish... .1 
 
 Portuguese 1 
 
 Persian 1 
 
 Frisi 1 
 
 Persic 1 
 
 Uncertain 1 
 
 Total 15,784 
 
 NOUNS OF MULTITUDE. 
 
 A foreigner looking at a picture of a number of vessels, said, 
 " See what a flock of ships." He was told that a flock of ships 
 was called a fleet, and that a fleet of sheep was called a flock. 
 And it was added, for his guidance, in mastering the intricacies 
 of our language, that a flock of girls is called a bevy, that a 
 bevy of wolves is called a pack, and a pack of thieves is called 
 a gang, and that a gang of angels is called a host, and that a 
 host of porpoises is called a shoal, and a shoal of buffaloes is 
 called a herd, and a herd of children is called a troop, and a 
 troop of partridges is called a covey, and a covey of beauties is 
 called a galaxy, and a galaxy of ruffians is called a horde, and a 
 horde of rubbish is called a heap, and a heap of oxen is called a 
 drove, and a drove of blackguards is called a mob, and a mob 
 of whales is called a school, and a school of worshippers is called 
 a congregation, and a congregation of engineers is called a corps, 
 and a corps of robbers is called a band, and a band of locusts is 
 called a swarm, and a swarm of people is called a crowd. 
 
 DISRAELIAN ENGLISH. 
 
 Mr. Disraeli gives us some queer English in his novel of 
 Lothair, as may be seen in the following examples: — "He 
 guarded over Lothair's vast inheritance;" "Lothair observed 
 on" a lady's singing; "of simple but distinguished mien, with a 
 countenance naturally pale, though somewhat bronzed by a life 
 of air and exercise, and a profusion of dark, auburn hair;" "he 
 
ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 185 
 
 engaged a vehicle and ordered to be driven to Leicester Square; " 
 "he pointed to an individual seated in the centre of the table;" 
 "their mutual ancestors;" "Is there anything in the Tenehroe 
 why I ought not to bo present?"; " thoughts which made him 
 unconscious how long had elapsed ; " " with no companions than 
 the wounded near them;" "The surgeon was sitting by her 
 side, occasionally wiping the slight foam from her brow." We 
 have heard of people foaming at the mouth, but never before of 
 a lady foaming at the brow. 
 
 "ye" for "the." 
 Ye is sometimes used for the in old books wherein the is 
 the more usual form, on account of the difficulties experienced 
 by the printers in " spacing out." When pressed for room they 
 put ye; when they had plenty of room they put the. Many 
 people in reading old books pronounce the abbreviation ye. But 
 the proper pronunciation is the, for the y is only a corruption 
 of the old thorn-letter, or symbol for th. 
 
 ITS. 
 
 His is the genitive (or as we say, possessive) of he, (he's, — 
 his,) and it or hit, as it was long written, is the neuter of he, 
 the final t being the sign of the neuter. The introduction of 
 its, as the neuter genitive instead of his, arose from a mis- 
 conception, similar to that which would have arisen had the 
 Romans introduced illudius as the neuter genitive of ille, instead 
 of illiu&. Its very rarely occurs in our authorized version of the 
 Bible, his or her being used instead — occurs but a few times in 
 all Shakspeare — was unknown to Ben Jonson — was not admitted 
 into his poems by Milton — and did not come into common use 
 until sanctioned by Dryden. 
 
 THAT. 
 
 The use of the word That in the following examples is 
 strictly in accordance with grammatical rules : — 
 
 16* 
 
186 ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 
 
 The gentleman said, in speaking of the word that, that that 
 that that that lady parked, was not that that that that gentleman 
 requested her to analyze. 
 
 Now, that is a word that may often be joined, 
 For that that may be doubled is clear to the mind; 
 And that that that is right, is as plain to the view, 
 As that that that that we use, is rightly used too, 
 And that that that that that line has in it, is right — 
 In accordance with grammar — is plain in our sight. 
 
 I SAY. 
 
 A gentleman who was in the habit of interlarding his dis- 
 course with the expression " I say," having been informed by a 
 friend that a certain individual had made some ill-natured re- 
 marks upon this peculiarity, took the opportunity of addressing 
 him in the following amusing style of rebuke : — " I say, sir, I 
 hear say you say I say ' I say' at every word I say. Now, sir, 
 although I know I say 1 1 say' at every word I say, still I say, 
 sir, it is not for you to say I say ' I say' at every word I say." 
 
 PATH-OLOGY. 
 
 There once resided in Ayrshire a man who, like Leman, pro- 
 posed to write an Etymological Dictionary of the English lan- 
 guage. Being asked what he understood the word pathology 
 to mean, he answered, with great readiness and confidence, 
 "Why, the art of road-making, to be sure." 
 
 THE PRONUNCIATION OF OUGH. 
 
 The difficulty of applying rules to the pronunciation of our 
 language may be illustrated in two lines, where the combination 
 of the letters ough is pronounced in no less than seven different 
 ways, viz.: as o, uff, off, up, ow, oo, and ock : — 
 
 Though the tough cough and hiccough plough me through, 
 O'er life's dark lough my course I still pursue. 
 
ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 187 
 
 The following attempts to show the sound of ough, final, are 
 ingenious : — 
 
 Though, from rough cough or hiccough free, 
 
 That man has pain enough 
 Whose wounds through plough, sunk in a slough, 
 
 Or lough begin to slough. 
 
 'Tis not an easy task to show, 
 How o, u, g, h, sound ; since though, 
 An Irish lough, an English slough, 
 And cough, and hiccough, all allow 
 Differ as much as tough and through, 
 There seems no reason why they do. 
 
 "Husband," says Joan, "'tis plain enough 
 That Roger loves our daughter; 
 And Betty loves him too, although 
 She treats his suit with laughter. 
 
 "For Roger always hems and coughs, 
 While on the field he's ploughing; 
 Then strives to see between the boughs, 
 If Betty heeds his coughing. 
 
 The following jeu d' 'esprit, entitled " A Literary Squabble 
 on the pronunciation of Monckton Milnes's Title," is stated 
 to have been the production of Lord Palmerston : — 
 
 The Alphabet rejoiced to hear, 
 
 That Monckton Milnes was made a peer; 
 
 For in the present world of letters, 
 
 But few, if any, were his betters. 
 
 So an address, by acclamation, 
 
 They voted, of congratulation. 
 
 And U G H T and N 
 
 Were chosen to take up the pen, 
 
 Possessing each an interest vital 
 
 In the new Peer's baronial title. 
 
 'Twas done in language terse and telling, 
 
 Perfect in grammar and in spelling. 
 
 But when 'twas read aloud — oh, mercy! 
 
 There sprung up such a controversy 
 
188 
 
 ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 
 
 About the true pronunciation 
 
 Of said baronial appellation. 
 
 The vowels and U averred 
 
 They were entitled to be heard. 
 
 The consonants denied the claim, 
 
 Insisting that they mute became. 
 
 Johnson and Walker were applied to, 
 
 Sheridan, Bailey, Webster, tried too; 
 
 But all in vain — for each picked out 
 
 A word that left the case in doubt. 
 
 0, looking round upon them all, 
 
 Cried, "If it be correct to call 
 
 THROUGH throo, 
 
 HOUGH must be Hoo ; 
 
 Therefore there must be no dispute on 
 
 The question, we should say Lord Hooton." 
 
 U then did speak, and sought to show 
 
 He should be doubled, and not 0, 
 
 For sure if ougJit and atvt, then nought on 
 
 Earth could the title be but Hawton. 
 
 H, on the other hand, said he, 
 
 In cough and trough, stood next to G, 
 
 And like an F was then looked oft on, 
 
 Which made him think it should be Hofton. 
 
 But G corrected H, and drew 
 
 Attention other cases to : 
 
 Lough, Rough and Chough, more than enough 
 
 To prove U G H spelled uff, 
 
 And growled out in a sort of gruff tone 
 
 They must pronounce the title Hufton. 
 
 N said emphatically No ; 
 
 For D U G H is Doh, 
 
 And though (look there again) that stuff 
 
 At sea for fun, they nickname Buff, 
 
 He should propose they took a vote on 
 
 The question should it not be Hoton ? 
 
 Besides, in French 'twould have such force, 
 
 A Lord must be haut ton, of course. 
 
 High and more high contention rose, 
 
 From words they almost came to blows, 
 
 Till S, as yet, who had not spoke, 
 
 And dearly loved a little joke, 
 
 Put in his word, and said, " Look here, 
 
 Plough in this row must have a share." 
 
 At this atrocious pun, each page 
 
ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 189 
 
 Of Johnson whiter grew with rage. 
 
 Bailey looked desperately cut up, 
 
 And Sheridan completely shut up. 
 
 Webster, who is no idle talker, 
 
 Made a sign signifying Walker. 
 
 While Walker, who had been used badly, 
 
 Shook his old dirty dog-ears sadly. 
 
 But as we find in prose or rhyme, 
 
 A joke, made happily in time, 
 
 However poor, will often tend 
 
 The hottest argument to end, 
 
 And smother anger in a laugh, 
 
 So S succeeded with his chaff, 
 
 Containing, as it did, some wheat, 
 
 In calming this fierce verbal heat. 
 
 Authorities were all conflicting, 
 
 And S there was no contradicting. 
 
 PL U GH was Plow 
 
 Even enough was called enoio, 
 
 And no one who preferred enough 
 
 Would dream of saying " Speed the Pluff." 
 
 So they considered it was wise 
 
 With S to make a compromise, 
 
 To leave no loop to hang a doubt on 
 
 By giving three cheers for Lord Houghton (Howton). 
 
 EXCISE. 
 
 The following curious document gives the opinion of Lord 
 Mansfield, when Attorney-General, upon Dr. Johnson's defini- 
 tion of the word Excise : — 
 
 Case. 
 Mr. Samuel Johnson has lately published a hook, entitled A 
 Dictionary of the English Language, in which the words are 
 deduced from their originals, and illustrated in their different 
 significations by examples from the best writers. To which are 
 prefixed a history of the Language, and an English grammar. 
 
 Under the title "Excise" are the following words: — 
 
 Excise, n. s. (accijs Dutch ; excisum, Latin,) a hateful lax levied upon commodities 
 and adjudged not by the common judges of property, but wretches hired by those to 
 whom Excise is paid. 
 
190 ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OP EXPRESSION. 
 
 The people should pay a ratable tax for their sheep, and an 
 Excise for every thiug which they should eat. — Hayward. 
 
 Ambitious now to take excise 
 
 Of a more fragrant paradise. — Cleveland. 
 
 With hundred rows of teeth the shark exceeds, 
 
 And on all trades, like Cassowar, she feeds. — Marvel. 
 
 Can hire large houses and oppress the poor 
 By farmed Excise. — Dryden, Juvenal, Sat. 3. 
 
 The author's definition being observed by the Commissioners 
 of Excise, they desire the favor of your opinion : 
 
 Qu. — Whether it will not be considered as a libel; and, if 
 so, whether it is not proper to proceed against the author, print- 
 ers, and publishers thereof, or any and which of them, by in- 
 formation or how otherwise ? 
 
 Opinion. 
 I am of opinion that it is a libel ; but, under all the circum- 
 stances, I should think it better to give him an opportunity of 
 altering his definition ; and, in case he don't, threaten him with 
 an information. w MuRRAT# 
 
 29th Nov. 1755. 
 
 PONTIFF. 
 
 Mr. Longfellow, in his Golden Legend, thus refers to the 
 derivation of this word from pons (a bridge) and facere (to 
 make) : — 
 
 Well has the name of Pontifex been given 
 
 Unto the Church's head, as the chief builder 
 
 And architect of the invisible bridge 
 
 That leads from earth to heaven. 
 
 ROUGH. 
 Mr. Motley, in his History of the United Netherlands, IV. 
 138, thus ascribes the use of this word to Queen Elizabeth, of 
 England, in her. last illness : — 
 
ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OP EXPRESSION. 191 
 
 The great queen, moody, despairing, dying, wrapt in profoundest 
 thought, with eyes fixed upon the ground or already gazing into infinity 
 was besought by the counsellors around her to name the man to whom she 
 chose that the crown should devolve. 
 
 " Not to a Rough," said Elizabeth, sententiously and grimly. 
 
 These particulars are apparently given on the authority of 
 the Italian Secretary, Scaramelli, whose language is quoted in a 
 foot-note, and who says that the word Rough " in lingua inglese 
 significa persona bassa e vile." 
 
 Charles Dickens said, " I entertain so strong an objection to 
 the euphonious softening of ruffian into rough, which has lately 
 become popular, that I restore the right word to the heading of 
 this paper." {The Ruffian, by the Uncommercial Traveler, All 
 the Year Round.) " Lately popular" does not mean popular for 
 two hundred and eighty years past. A word that has escaped 
 the notice of the Glossarists cannot have been in use early in 
 the seventeenth century. That it should have been used in its 
 modern sense by Queen Elizabeth, passes all bounds of belief. 
 With all her faults she did not make silly unmeaning remarks ; 
 and it would have been extremely silly in her to say she did not 
 wish a low ruffian to succeed her on the throne. If she uttered 
 a word having the same sound, it might possibly have been ruff. 
 The "ruff," though worn by men of the upper class, was in 
 Queen Elizabeth's time an especially female article of dress, and 
 the queen might have said, "I will have no ruff to succeed me," 
 just as now-a-days one might say, "I will have no petticoat 
 government." We want better authority than that of Scara- 
 melli before we can believe that Elizabeth used either the word 
 rough or ruff, when consulted as to her wishes respecting her 
 successor. 
 
 NOT AMERICANISMS. 
 
 In Bartlett's Dictionary the term "stocking-feet" is given as 
 an Americanism. But the following quotation from Thackeray's 
 Newcomes (vol. i. ch. viii.) shows that this is an error : — 
 
192 ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 
 
 "Binnie found the Colonel in his sitting-room arrayed in what are called 
 in Scotland his stocking-feet." 
 
 Professor Tyndall, at the farewell banquet given in his honor 
 by the citizens of New York, prior to his departure, in referring 
 to his successful lecture-course in the United States, said he had 
 had — to quote his words — " what you Americans call ' a good 
 time.' " 
 
 But this expression is not an Americanism. It is used by 
 Dean Swift in his letter to Stella, (Feb. 24, 1710-11); " I hope 
 Mrs. Wells had a good time." 
 
 That not very elegant adjective hully, though found in Bart- 
 lett, and used by Washington Irving cannot be claimed as an 
 Americanism. Friar Tuck sings, in Scott's Ivanlioe : — 
 
 " Come troll the brown bowl to me, bully boy, 
 Come troll the brown bowl to me." 
 
 But to go further back, we find it in the burden of an old 
 three-part song, "We be three poor Mariners," in Ravenscroft's 
 Deuteromelia, 1609 : 
 
 " Shall we go dance the round, the round, 
 Shall we go dance the round; 
 And he that is a bully boy, 
 Come pledge me on the ground." 
 
 One of the words which the English used to class among 
 Americanisms — ignorant that it was older and better English 
 than their own usage — was Fall, used as the name of the third 
 of the seasons. The English, corrupted by the Johnsonese of 
 the Hanoverian reigns, call it by the Latinism, Autumn. But 
 the other term, in general use on this side of the Atlantic, is the 
 word by which all the old writers of the language know it. 
 " The hole yere," says scholarly Roger Ascham in his Toxo- 
 philuSj "is divided into iiii. partes, Spring tyme, Sommer, Faule 
 of the leafe, & Winter, whereof the hole winter for the rough- 
 nesse of it, is cleane taken away from shoting : except it be one 
 day amonges xx., or one yeare amonges xi." 
 
ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 193 
 
 This statement, by the way, that exceptionally mild winters 
 were in the ratio of one to eleven, is worth noting with 
 reference to the recent announcement of science that the spots 
 on the sun have an eleven-year period of maximum frequency. 
 
 NO LOVE LOST BETWEEN THEM. 
 
 In the ordinary acceptation of the words, " No love was lost 
 between the two/' we are led to infer that the two were on 
 very unfriendly terms, But in the ballad of The Babes in the 
 Wood, as given in Percy's Reliques, occur the following lines, 
 which convey the contrary idea : — 
 
 No love between this two was lost, 
 
 Each was to other kind : 
 In love they lived, in love they died, 
 
 And left two babes behind. 
 
 THE FORLORN HOPE. 
 
 Military and civil writers of the present day seem quite ignorant 
 of the true meaning of the words forlorn hope. The adjective 
 has nothing to do with despair, nor the substantive with the 
 " charmer which lingers still behind ; " there was no such poetical 
 depth in the words as originally used. Every corps marching 
 in an enemy's country had a small body of men at the head 
 (haupt or hope) of the advanced guard ; and which was termed 
 the forlorne hope (lorn being here but a termination similar to 
 ward in forward,) while another small body at the head of 
 the read-guard was called the rere-lorn hope. A reference to 
 Johnson's Dictionary shows that civilians were misled as early 
 as the time of Dry den by the mere sound of a technical military 
 phrase; and, in process of time, even military men forgot the 
 true meaning of the words. And thus we easily trace the foun- 
 dation of an error to which we are indebted for Byron's beautiful 
 line: — 
 
 The full of hope, misnamed forlorn. 
 
 N 17 
 
194 ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OP EXPRESSION. 
 
 QUIZ. 
 
 This word, which is only in vulgar or colloquial use, and 
 which some of the lexicographers have attemped to trace to 
 learned roots, originated in a joke. Daly, the manager of a 
 Dublin play-house, wagered that a word of no meaning should 
 be the common talk and puzzle of the city in twenty-four hours. 
 In the course of that time the letters quiz were chalked on 
 all the walls of Dublin with an effect that won the wager. 
 
 Tennyson's English. 
 Probably no poet ever more thoroughly comprehended the 
 value of words in metrical composition than Mr. Tennyson, but 
 he has issued a new coinage which is not pure. Compound 
 epithets are modelled after the Greek or revived from the un- 
 critical Elizabethan era. Thus, where we should naturally say 
 "The bee is cradled in the lily," Mr. Tennyson writes, "The bee 
 is lily-cradled." When a man's nose is broken at the bridge 
 or a lady's turns up at the tip, the one is said to be " a nose 
 bridge-broken," and the other (with much gallantry) to be "tip- 
 tilted, like the petal of a flower." 
 
 The movement of the metre again is very peculiar. Discard- 
 ing Milton's long and complex periods, Mr. Tennyson has re- 
 stored blank verse to an apparently simple rhythm. But this 
 simplicity is in fact the result of artifice, and, under every variety 
 of movement, the ear detects the recurrence of a set type. 
 One of the poet's favorite devices is to pause on a monosyllable 
 at the beginning of a line, and this affect is repeated so often 
 as to remind the reader of Euripides and his unhappy "oil 
 flask" in The Frogs. Take the following instances: — 
 
 And the strange sound of an adulterous race, 
 
 Against the iron grating of her cell 
 
 Beat. 
 
 A sound 
 
 As of a silver horn across the hills 
 
 Blown. 
 
 And then the music faded, and the Grail 
 
 Passed. 
 
 His eyes became so like her own they seemed 
 
 Hers. 
 
ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OP EXPRESSION. 195 
 "THAT MINE ADVERSARY HAD WRITTEN A BOOK." 
 
 This passage from Job xxxi. 35, is frequently misapplied, 
 being interpreted as if it had reference to a book or writing as 
 commonly understood. It means rather, according to Gesenius, 
 a charge or accusation. Pierius makes it "libellum accusa- 
 tions," and Grotius, "scriptam accusationem " Scott expresses 
 this in his Commentary: — 
 
 "Job challenged his adversary, or accuser, to produce a libel 
 or written indictment against him : he was confident that it 
 would prove no disgrace to him, but an honor; as every article 
 would be disproved, and the reverse be manifested." 
 
 Other commentators understand it as meaning a record of 
 Job's life, or of his sufferings. Coverdale translates : — " And 
 let him that my contrary party sue me with a lybell." In the 
 Genevan version it is, " Though mine adversarie should write a 
 book against me" In the Bishop's Bible, 1595, "Though 
 mine adversarie write a book against me" The meaning seems 
 to have become obscured in our version by retaining the English 
 book instead of the Latin libel, but omitting the words in italics, 
 "against me." 
 
 ECCENTRIC ETYMOLOGIES. 
 
 To trace the changes of form and meaning which many of 
 the words of our langunge have undergone is no easy task. 
 There are words as current with us as with our forefathers, the 
 significance of which, as we use them;, is very different from 
 that of their primitive use. And, in many instances, they have 
 wandered, by courses more or less tortuous, so far from their 
 original meaning as to make it almost impossible to follow the " 
 track of divergence. Hence, it is easy to understand why it 
 has been said that the etymologist, to be successful, must have 
 " an instinct like the special capabilities of the pointer." But 
 there are derivations which are only revealed by accident, or ■ 
 stumbled upon in unexpected ways, and which, in the regular 
 
196 ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OP EXPRESSION. 
 
 course of patient search, would never have been elicited. The 
 following illustrative selections will interest the general reader. 
 
 Bombastic. — This adjective has an odd derivation. Origin- 
 ally bombast (from the Latin bombax, cotton) meant nothing 
 but cotton wadding, used for filling or stuffing. Shakspeare 
 employs it in this sense in Love's Labor Lost, v. 2. 
 
 As bombast and as living to the time. 
 
 Decker, in his Satyromastix, says, "You shall swear not to 
 bombast out a new play with the old linings of jests." And 
 Guazzo, Civile Conversation, 1591, — " Studie should rather 
 make him leane and thinne, and pull out the bombast of his 
 corpulent doublet." 
 
 Hence, by easy transition from the falseness of padding or 
 puffing out a figure, bombast came to signify swelling preten- 
 tiousness of speech and conduct as an adapted meaning; and 
 gradually this becaipe the primary and only sense. 
 
 Buxom. — This word is simply bow-some or bough-some, i. e., 
 that which readily bows, or bends, or yields like the boughs of 
 a tree. No longer ago than when Milton wrote boughsome, 
 which as gh in English began to lose its guttural sound, — that 
 of the letter chi in Greek, — came to be written buxom, meant 
 simply yielding, and was of general application. 
 
 and, this once known, shall soon return, 
 
 And bring ye to the place where thou and Death 
 
 Shall dwell at ease, and up and down unseen 
 
 Wing silently the buxom air." — Paradise Lost, II. 840. 
 
 But aided, doubtless, as Dr. Johnspn suggests, by a too liberal 
 construction of the bride's promise in the old English marriage 
 ceremony, to be " obedient and buxom in bed and board," it- 
 came to be applied to women who were erroneously thought 
 likely to be thus yielding; and hence it now means plump, 
 rosy, alluring, and is applied only to women who combine those 
 qualities of figure, face and expression. 
 
ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 197 
 
 Cadaver. — An abbot of Cirencester, about 1216, conceived 
 himself an etymologist, and, as a specimen of his powers, has 
 left us the Latin word cadaver, a corpse, thus dissected: — "Ca," 
 quoth he, is abbreviated for caro; "da" for data; "ver" for 
 vermibus. Hence we have " caro data vermibus/' flesh given 
 to the worms. 
 
 Yet while the reader smiles at this curious absurdity, it is 
 worth while to note that the word alms is constructed upon a 
 similar principle, being formed (according to the best authority) 
 of letters, taken from successive syllables of the cumbrous La- 
 tinized Greek word eleemosyna. 
 
 Canard. — This is the French for duck, and the origin of its 
 application to hoaxing is said to be as follows: — To ridicule a 
 growing extravagance in story-telling a clever journalist stated 
 that an interesting experiment had just been made, calculated 
 to prove the extraordinary voracity of ducks. Twenty of these 
 animals had been placed together, and one of them having been 
 killed and cut up into the smallest possible pieces, feathers and 
 all, and thrown to the other nineteen, had been gluttonously 
 gobbled up in an exceedingly brief space of time. Another was 
 taken from the remaining nineteen, and being chopped small 
 like its predecessor, was served up to the eighteen, and at once 
 devoured like the other; and so on to the last, which was thus 
 placed in the remarkable position of having eaten his nineteen 
 companions in a wonderfully short space of time ! All this, 
 most pleasantly narrated, obtained a success which the writer 
 was far from anticipating, for the story ran the rounds of all 
 the journals in Europe. It then became almost forgotten for 
 about a score of years, when it came back from America, with 
 .an amplification which it did not boast of at the commence- 
 ment, and with a regular certificate of the autopsy of the body 
 of the surviving animal, whose esophagus was declared to have 
 been seriously injured ! Since then fabrications of this cha- 
 racter have been called canards. 
 
 17* 
 
198 ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 
 
 Chum. — A schoolboy's letter, written two centuries ago, has 
 lately revealed that chum is a contraction from "chamber- 
 fellow." Two students dwelling together found the word un- 
 wieldly, and, led by another universal law of language, they 
 shortened it in the most obvious way. 
 
 Dandy. — Bishop Fleetwood says that " dandy " is derived 
 from a silver coin of small value, circulated in the reign of 
 Henry VIII., and called a " dandy-prat." 
 
 Dunce. — This word comes to us from the celebrated Duns 
 Scotus, chief of the Schoolmen of his time. He was " the 
 subtle doctor by preeminence;" and it certainly is a strange 
 perversion that a scholar of his great ability should give name 
 to a class who hate all scholarship. When at the Reformation 
 and revival of learning the works of the Schoolmen fell into 
 extreme disfavor with the Reformers and the votaries of the 
 new learning, Duns, the standard-bearer of the former, was so 
 often referred to with scorn and contempt by the latter that his 
 name gradually became the by-word it now is for hopeless ig- 
 norance and invincible stupidity. The errors and follies of a 
 set were fastened upon their distinguished head. Says Tyn- 
 dale, 1575, — 
 
 " Remember ye not how within this thirty years, and far 
 less, and yet dureth unto this day, the old barking curs, 
 Dunce's disciples, and like draff called Scotists, the children 
 of darkness, raged in every pulpit against Greek, Latin and 
 Hebrew?" 
 
 Eating humble-pie. — The phrase "eating humble-pie" is 
 traced to the obsolete French word "ombles" entrails; pies for 
 the household servants being formerly made of the entrails of 
 animals. Hence, to take low or humble ground, to submit one's 
 self, came familiarly to be called eating " humble " or rather 
 "umble" pie. The word "umbles" came to us from the Nor- 
 man conquest, and though now obsolete, retains its place in 
 
ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OP EXPRESSION. 199 
 
 the lexicons of Worcester and Webster, who, however, explain 
 the entrails to be those of the deer only. 
 
 Fiasco. — A German, one day, seeing a glassblower at his oc- 
 cupation, thought nothing could be easier than glassblowing, 
 and that he could soon learn to blow as well as the workman. 
 He accordingly commenced operations by blowing vigorously, 
 but could only produce a sort of pear-shaped balloon or little 
 flask (fiasco). The second attempt had a similar result, and so 
 on, until fiasco after fiasco had been made. Hence arose the 
 expression which we not infrequently have occasion to use when 
 describing the result of our undertakings. 
 
 Fudge. — This is a curious word, having a positive personality 
 underlying it. Such at least it is, if Disraeli's account thereof 
 be authentic. He quotes from a very old pamphlet entitled 
 Remarks upon the Navy, wherein the author says, " There was 
 in our time one Captain Fudge, commander of a merchantman, 
 who upon his return from a voyage, how ill fraught soever his 
 ship was, always brought home his owners a good crop of lies ; 
 so much that now, aboard ship, the sailors when they hear a 
 great lie told, cry out, 'You fudge it'." The ship was the 
 Black Eagle, and the time, Charles II. ; and thence the mono- 
 syllabic name of its untruthful captain comes to us for excla- 
 mation when we have reason to believe assertions ill-founded. 
 
 Gossip. — This is another of that class of words which by 
 the system of moral decadence that Trench has so ably illustra- 
 ted as influencing human language, has come to be a term of 
 unpleasant reproach. In some parts of the country, by the 
 " gossips" of a child are meant his god-parents, who take vows 
 for him at his baptism. The connection between these two actual 
 uses of the word is not so far to seek as one might suppose. 
 Chaucer shows us that those who stood sponsors for an infant 
 were considered " sib" or kin, to each other in God : thus the 
 double syllables were compounded. Verstigan says : — 
 
200 ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 
 
 " Our Christian ancestors understanding a spirituall affinitie 
 for to grow between the parents, and such as undertooke for the 
 childe at baptisme, called each other by the name of God-sib, 
 which is as much as to say as that they were sib together, i. e. 
 of kin together, through God/' 
 
 The Roman church forbids marriage between persons so united 
 in a common vow, as she believes they have contracted an 
 essential spiritual relationship. But from their affinity in the in- 
 terests of the child they were brought into much converse with 
 one another; and as much talk almost always degenerates into 
 idle talk, and personalities concerning one's neighbors, and the 
 like, so " gossips " finally came to signify the latter, when the 
 former use of it was nearly forgotten. It is remarkable that 
 the French "commerage" has passed through identically the 
 same perversion. 
 
 Grog. — Admiral Yernon, whose ardent devotion to his profes- 
 sion had endeared him to the British naval service, was in the 
 habit of walking the deck, in bad weather, in a rough grogram 
 cloak, and thence had obtained the nickname of Old Grog. 
 Whilst in command of the West India station, and at the height 
 of his popularity on account of his reduction of Porto Bello 
 with six men-of-war only, he introduced the use of rum and water 
 among the ship's company. When served out, the new beverage 
 proved most palatable, and speedily grew into such favor that 
 it became as popular as the brave admiral himself, and in honor 
 of him was surnamed by acclamation " Grog/' 
 
 Hocus-pocus. — According to Tillotson, this singular expres- 
 sion is believed to be a corruption of the transubstantiating 
 formula, Hoc est corpus meum, used by the priest on the 
 elevation of the host. Turner, in his history of the Anglo- 
 Saxons, traces it to Ochus Bochus, a magician and demon of 
 the northern mythology. We should certainly prefer the latter 
 as the source of this conjurer's catch-word, which the usage of 
 
ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 201 
 
 ordinary life connects with jugglery or unfair dealing, but 
 preponderant evidence is in favor of the former. 
 
 Malingerer. — This word, brought much into use by the exi- 
 gencies of our civil war, is from the French "malin gre," and 
 signifies a soldier who from "evil will" shirks his duty by 
 feigning sickness, or otherwise rendering himself incapable : in 
 plain words, a poltroon. 
 
 Mustard. — Etymologists have fought vigorously over the 
 derivation of this word. " Multum ardet," says one, or in old 
 French, " moult arde," it burns much. " Mustum ardens, hot 
 must, says another, referring to the former custom of preparing 
 French mustard for the table with the sweet must of new wine. 
 A picturesque story about the name is thus told : — Philip the 
 Bold, Duke of Burgundy, granted to Dijon certain armorial 
 bearings, with the motto "Moult me tarde" — I long or wish 
 ardently. This was sculptured over the principal gate. In the 
 course of years, by some accident, the central word was effaced. 
 The manufacturers of sinapi or seneve (such were the former 
 names of mustard), wishing to label their pots of condiment 
 with tho city arms, copied the mutilated motto ; and the un- 
 learned, seeing continually the inscription of "moult-tarde," 
 fell into the habit of calling the contents by this title. 
 
 Navvy. — Many persons have been puzzled by the application 
 of this word, abbreviated from navigator, to laborers. Why 
 should earth-workers be called navigators ? They whose busi- 
 ness is with an element antipodean to water, why receive a 
 title as of seafaring men ? At the period, when inland naviga- 
 tion was the national rage, and canals were considered to involve 
 the essentials of prosperity, as railways are now, the workmen 
 employed on them were called "navigators,"' as cutting the 
 way for navigation. And when railways superseded canals, the 
 name of the laborers, withdrawn from one work to the other, 
 was unchanged, and merely contracted, according to the dis- 
 
202 ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OP EXPRESSION. 
 
 like of our Anglo-Saxon tongues to use four syllables where a 
 less number will suffice. 
 
 Neighbor. — Formerly this familiar word was employed to 
 signify "the boor who lives nigh to us." And just here is an- 
 other of those words which have been degraded from their 
 original sense ; for boor did not then represent a stupid, igno- 
 rant lout, but simply a farmer, as in Dutch now. 
 
 Poltroon. — In the olden days the Norman-French "poltroon" 
 had a significance obsolete now: days when Strongbow was a 
 noble surname, and the yew-trees of England were of impor- 
 tance as an arm of national defence; then the coward or malin- 
 gerer had but to cut off the thumb ("pollice truncus" in Latin) 
 — the thumb which drew the bow, and he was unfit for service, 
 and must be discharged. 
 
 Porpoise. — The common creature of the sea, whose gambols 
 have passed into a jest and a proverb, the porpoise, is so named 
 because of his resemblance to a hog when in sportive mood. 
 " Porc-poisson," said somebody who watched a herd of them 
 tumbling about, for all the world like swine, except for the 
 sharp dorsal fin ; and the epithet adhered. 
 
 Scrape. — Long ago roamed through the forests the red and 
 fallow deer, which had a habit of scraping up the earth with 
 their fore-feet to the depth of several inches, sometimes even of 
 half a yard. A wayfaring man through the olden woods was 
 frequently exposed to the danger of tumbling into one of these 
 hollows, when he might truly be said to be "in a scrape." 
 Cambridge students in their little difficulties picked up and ap- 
 plied the phrase to other perplexing matters which had brought 
 a man morally into a fix. 
 
 Sterling. — This word was originally applied to the metal 
 rather than to a coin. The following extract from Camden points 
 out its origin as applied to money : — 
 
ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 203 
 
 In the time of his sonne King Richard the First, monie 
 coined in the east parts of Germanie began to be of especiall 
 request in England for the puritie thereof, and was called 
 Easterling monie, as all the inhabitants of those parts were 
 called Easterlings, and shortly after some of that countrie, skil- 
 ful in mint matters and alloies, were sent for into this realme to 
 bring the coins to perfection, which, since that time, was called 
 of them sterling for Easterlings. 
 
 Surplice. — That scholastic and ministerial badge, the sur- 
 plice, is said to derive its name from the Latin " superpelliceum," 
 because anciently worn over leathern coats made of hides of 
 beasts ; with the idea of representing how the sin of our first 
 parents is now covered by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, 
 so that we are entitled to wear the emblem of innocence. 
 
 Sycophant. — The original etymology of the word sycophant 
 is curious. The word auzofpavriw (from <ruxov, a fig, and <paba> } 
 to show,) in its primary signification, means to inform against 
 or expose those who exported figs from Athens to other places 
 without paying duty, hence it came to signify calumnior, to 
 accuse falsely, to be a tale-bearer, an evil speaker of others. 
 The word sycophanta means, in its first sense, no more than 
 this. We now apply it to any flatterer, or other abject depen- 
 dant, who, to serve his own purposes, slanders and detracts 
 from others. 
 
 Tariff. — Because payment of a fixed scale of duties was de- 
 manded by the Moorish occupants of a fortress on Tarifa 
 promontory, which overlooked the entrance to the Mediterra- 
 nean, all taxes on imports came to be called a tariff. 
 
 Treacle. — A remarkable curiosity in the way of derivations 
 is one traced by that indefatigable explorer, Archbishop Trench, 
 which connects treacle with vipers. The syrup of molasses 
 with the poison of snakes ! Never was an odder relationship ; 
 yet it is a case of genuine fatherhood, and embodies a singular 
 superstition. The ancients believed that the best antidote to 
 
204 ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 
 
 the bite of the viper was a confection of its own flesh. The 
 Greek word ftyptaxif, flesh of the viper, was given first to such 
 a sweetmeat, and then to any antidote of poison, and lastly to 
 any syrup ; and easily corrupted into our present word. Chaucer 
 has a line — 
 
 Christ, which that is to every harm triacle. 
 
 Milton speaks of the "sovran treacle of sound doctrine." A 
 stuff called Venice Treacle was considered antidote to all poisons. 
 " Vipers treacle yield,' • says Edmund Waller, in a verse which 
 has puzzled many a modern reader, and yet brings one close to 
 the truth of the etymology, and shows that treacle is only a 
 popular corruption of theriac. 
 
 Wig. — This word may be cited as a good example to show 
 how interesting and profitable it is to trace words through their 
 etymological windings to their original source. Wig is abridged 
 from periwig, which comes from the Low Dutch peruik, 
 which has the same meaning. When first introduced into the 
 English language, it was written and pronounced perwick, the 
 u being changed into w, as may still be seen in old English 
 books. Afterwards the i was introduced for euphony, and it 
 became periwick; and finally the ck was changed into g, 
 making it periwig, and by contraction wig. 
 
 The Dutch word peruik was borrowed from the French per- 
 ruque. The termination uik is a favorite one with that nation, 
 and is generally substituted in borrowed words for the French 
 uque and the German auch. The French word perruque comes 
 from the Spanish peluca, and this last from pelo, hair, which 
 is derived from the Latin pilus. Hence the Latin word pilus, 
 hair, through successive transformations, has produced the 
 English word wig. 
 
 Windfall. — Centuries ago a clause was extant in the tenure 
 of many English estates, to the effect that the owners might 
 not fell the trees, as the best timber was reserved for the Royal 
 Navy; but any trees that came down without cutting were the 
 
ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 205 
 
 property of the tenant. Hence was a storm a joyful and a 
 lucrative event in proportion to its intensity, and the larger the 
 number of forest patriarchs it laid low the richer was the lord 
 of the land. He had received a veritable "windfall." Ours in 
 the nineteenth century come in the shape of any unexpected 
 profit; and those of us who own estates rather quake in sym- 
 pathy with our trembling trees on windy nights. 
 
 ODD CHANGES OF SIGNIFICATION. 
 
 The first verse of Dean Whittingham's version of the 114th 
 Psalm may be quoted as a curious instance of a phrase origin- 
 ally grave in its meaning become strangely incongruous : — 
 
 When Israel by God's address 
 
 From Pharaoh's land was bent, 
 And Jacob's house the strangers left 
 
 And in the same train went. 
 
 Since the completion of the Pacific Railway, some intro- 
 ductory lines in Southey's Thalaba require correction : — 
 
 Who at this untimely hour 
 Wander o'er the desert sands f 
 No station is in view. 
 
 If the author would revisit the earth, he would find numerous 
 "stations" on the railway route across the Great American 
 Desert. 
 
 Among funny instances of wresting from a text a meaning 
 to suit a particular purpose, is that of the classical scholar who 
 undertook to prove that the word "smile" was used as a euphe- 
 mism for a drink in ancient times, by quoting from Horace's 
 Odes: — 
 
 Amara lento temperat risu. 
 
 Which is rendered by Martin : — * 
 
 Meets life's bitters with a jest, 
 And smiles them down. 
 18 
 
206 ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 
 
 By lento risu, it was argued, is clearly meant a slow smile, or 
 one taken through a straw ! 
 
 The meaning of the word Wretch is one not generally under- 
 stood. It was originally, and is now, in some parts of England, 
 used as a term of the softest and fondest tenderness. This is 
 not the only instance in which words in their present general 
 acceptation bear a very opposite meaning to what they did in 
 Shakspeare's time. The word Wench, formerly, was not used 
 in the low and vulgar acceptation that it is at present. Damsel 
 was the appellation of young ladies of quality, and Dame a 
 title of distinction. Knave once signified a servant; and in an 
 early translation of the New Testament, instead of " Paul, the 
 Servant/' we read "Paul, the Knave of Jesus Christ," or, 
 Paul, a rascal of Jesus Christ. Varlet was formerly used in the 
 same sense as valet. On the other hand, the word Companion, 
 instead of being the honorable synonym of Associate, occurs 
 in the play of Othello with the same contemptuous meaning 
 which we now affix, in its abusive sense, to the word "Fellow;" 
 for Emilia, perceiving that some secret villain had aspersed the 
 character of the virtuous Desdemona, thus indignantly ex- 
 claims : — 
 
 Heaven ! that such Companions thou'dst unfold, 
 
 And put in every honest hand a whip, 
 
 To lash the rascal naked through the world. — iv. 2. 
 
 Villain formerly meant a bondman. In feudal law, according 
 to Blackstone, the term was applied to those who held lands and 
 tenements in villenage, — a tenure by base services. 
 
 Pedant formerly meant a schoolmaster. Shakspeare says in 
 his Twelfth Night, — 
 
 A pedant that keeps a school in the church. — iii. 2. 
 
 ' Bacon, in his Pathway unto Prayer, thus uses the word 
 Imp: "Let us pray for the preservation of the King's most 
 excellent Majesty, and for the prosperous success of his entirely 
 beloved son Edward our Prince, that most angelic imp." 
 
ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 207 
 
 The word brat is not considered very elegant now, but a 
 few years ago it had a different signification from its present 
 one. An old hymn or De profundi*, by Gascoine, contains 
 the lines, — 
 
 " Israel, household of the Lord, 
 Abraham's brats, brood of blessed seed, 
 chosen sheep that loved the Lord indeed." 
 
 It is a somewhat noticeable fact, that the changes in the 
 signification of words have generally been to their deteriora- 
 tion ; that is, words that heretofore had no sinister meaning 
 have acquired it. The word cunning, for example, formerly 
 meant nothing sinister or underhanded; and in Thrope's con- 
 fession in Fox's "Book of Martyrs" is the sentence, " I believe 
 that all these three persons [in the Godhead] are even in 
 power, and in cunning, and in might, full of grace and of all 
 goodness." Demure is another of this class. It was used by 
 earlier writers without the insinuation which is now almost 
 latent iu it, that the external shows of modesty and sobriety 
 rest on no corresponding realities. Explode formerly meant 
 to drive off the stage with loud clappings of the hands, but 
 gradually became exaggerated into its present signification. 
 Facetious, too, originally meant urbane, but now has so degene- 
 rated as to have acquired the sense of buffoonery; and Mr. 
 Trench sees indications that it will ere long acquire the sense 
 of indecent buffoonery. 
 
 Frippery now means trumpery and odds and ends of cheap 
 finery ; but once it meant old clothes of value, and not worth- 
 less, as the term at present implies. The word Gossip for- 
 merly meant only a sponsor in baptism. Sponsors were sup- 
 posed to become acquainted at the baptismal font, and by their 
 sponsorial act to establish an indefinite affinity towards each 
 other and the child. Thus the word was applied to all who 
 were familiar and intimate, and finally obtained the meaning 
 which is now predominant in it. 
 
 Homely once meant secret and familiar, though in the time 
 of Milton it had acquired the same sense as at present. Idiot, 
 
208 ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OP EXPRESSION. 
 
 from the Greek, originally signified only a private man as dis- 
 tinguished from one in public office, and from that it has de- 
 generated till it has come to designate a person of defective 
 mental powers. Incense once meant to kindle not only anger, 
 but good passions as well; Fuller uses it in the sense of " to 
 incite." Indolence originally signified a freedom from passion 
 or pain, but now implies a condition of languid non-exertion. 
 Insolent was once only " unusual." 
 
 The derivation of lumber is peculiar. As the Lombards 
 were the bankers, so they were also the pawnbrokers, of the 
 Middle Ages. The " lumber-room" was then the place where 
 the Lombard banker and broker stored his pledges, and lumber 
 gradually came to mean the pledges themselves. As these 
 naturally accumulated till they got out of date or became un- 
 serviceable, it is easy to trace the steps by which the word 
 descended to its present meaning. 
 
 Obsequious implies an unmanly readiness to fall in with the 
 will of another; but in the original obsequium, or in the 
 English word as employed two centuries ago, there was nothing 
 of this : it rather meant obedience and mildness. Shakspeare, 
 speaking of a deceased person, says, — 
 
 " How many a holy and obsequious tear 
 Hath dear religious love stolen from mine eye, . 
 As interest of the dead." 
 
 Property and propriety were once synonymous, both refer- 
 ring to material things, as the French word proprUU does now. 
 Foreigners do not often catch the distinction at present made 
 in English between the two words; and we know a French 
 gentleman who, recently meeting with some pecuniary reverses, 
 astonished his friends by telling them that he had lost all his 
 " propriety." 
 
 A poet is a person who writes poetry, and, according to the 
 good old customs, a proser was a person who wrote prose, and 
 simply the antithesis of poet. The word has now a sadly differ- 
 ent signification ; and* it would not be considered very respect- 
 able to term Addison, Irving, Bancroft, or Everett " prosers." 
 
ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 209 
 INFLUENCE OF NAMES. 
 
 The Romans, from the time they expelled their kings, could 
 never endure the idea of being governed by a king. But they 
 submitted to the most abject slavery under an emperor. And 
 Oliver Cromwell did not venture to risk disgusting the repub- 
 licans by calling himself king, though under the title of Pro- 
 tector he exercised regal functions. 
 
 The American colonies submitted to have their commerce 
 and their manufactures crippled by restrictions avowedly for 
 the benefit of the mother-country, and were thus virtually 
 taxed to the amount of all that they in any instance lost by 
 paying more for some article than it would cost to make it 
 themselves, or to buy it of foreigners. But as soon as a tax 
 was imposed under that name, they broke out into rebellion. 
 
 It is a marvel to many, and seems to them nearly incredible, 
 that the Israelites should have gone after other gods ; and yet 
 the vulgar in most parts of Christendom are actually serving 
 the gods of their heathen ancestors. But then they do not 
 call them gods, but fairies or bogles, etc., and they do not 
 apply the word worship to their veneration of them, nor sacri- 
 fice to their offerings. And this slight change of name keeps 
 most people in ignorance of a fact that is before their eyes. 
 
 Others, professed Christians, are believed, both by others 
 and by themselves, to be worshippers of the true God, though 
 they invest him with the attributes of one of the evil demons 
 worshipped by the heathen. There is hardly any professed 
 Christian who would not be shocked at the application of the 
 word caprice to the acts of the Most High. And yet his 
 choosing to inflict suffering on his creatures u for no cause" 
 (as some theologians maintain) M except that such is his will" 
 is the very definition of caprice. 
 
 But when Lord Byron published his poem of " Cain," 
 
 which contains substantially the very same doctrine, there was 
 
 a great outcry among pious people, including, no doubt, many 
 
 who were of the theological school which teaches the same, 
 
 under other names. 
 
 18* 
 
210 ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 
 
 Why and how any evil comes to exist in the universe, reason 
 cannot explain, and revelation does not tell us. But it does 
 show us what is not the cause. That it cannot be from ill will 
 or indifference, is proved by the sufferings undergone by the 
 beloved Son. 
 
 Many probably would have hesitated if it had been proposed 
 to them to join a new Church under that name, who yet 
 eagerly enrolled themselves in the Evangelical Alliance, — 
 which is in fact a church, with meetings for worship, and 
 sermons under the name of speeches, and a creed consisting of 
 sundry Articles of Faith to be subscribed ; only not called by 
 those names. 
 
 Mrs. B. expressed to a friend her great dread of such a 
 medicine as tartar-emetic. She always, she said, gave her 
 children antimonial wine. He explained to her that this is 
 tartar-emetic dissolved in wine ; but she remained unchanged. 
 
 Mrs. H. did not like that her daughters should be novel- 
 readers ; and all novels in prose were indiscriminately prohi- 
 bited ; but an// thing in verse was as indiscriminately allowed. 
 
 Probably a Quaker would be startled at any one's using the 
 very words of the prophets, " Thus saith the Lord :" yet he 
 says the same things in the words, " The Spirit moveth me to 
 say so and so." And some, again, who would be shocked at 
 this, speak of a person, — adult or child, — who addresses a con- 
 gregation in extempore prayers and discourses, as being under 
 the influence of the Holy Spirit ; though in neither case is 
 there any miraculous proof given. And they abhor a claim 
 to infallibility ; only they are quite certain of being under the 
 guidance of the Spirit in whatever they say or do. 
 
 Quakers, again, and some other dissenters, object to a hired 
 ministry, (in reality, an tenhired ;) but their preachers are to 
 be supplied with all they need; like the father of Moliere's 
 Bourgeois, who was no shopkeeper, but kindly chose goods for 
 his friends, which he let them have for money. 
 
ENGLISH WORDS AND FORMS OF EXPRESSION. 211 
 COMPOUND EPITHETS. 
 
 The custom of using hard compounds furnished Ben Jonson 
 opportunities of showing his learning as well as his satire. He 
 used to call them u words un-in-one-breath-utterable." Redi 
 mentions an epigram against the sophists, made up of com- 
 pounds "a mile long." Joseph Scaliger left a curious exam- 
 ple in Latin, part of which may be thus rendered into Eng- 
 lish:— 
 
 Loftybrowflourishers, 
 
 Noseinbeardwallowers, 
 
 Brigandbeardnourishers, 
 
 Dishandallswallowers, 
 
 Oldcloakinvestitors, 
 
 Barefootlookfashioners, 
 
 Nightprivatefeasteaters, 
 
 Craftlucubrationers ; 
 Youtheheaters, Wordcatchers, Vaingloryosophers, 
 Such are your seekersofvirtue philosophers. 
 
 The old naturalist Lovell published a book at Oxford, in 
 1661, entitled Panzooloyicomineralogia. Rabelais proposed 
 the following title for a book : — Antipericatametaparhcngcdam- 
 phicrlbrat tones. The reader of Shakspeare will remember Cos- 
 tard's honor ificabiUtudinitatibus, in Love's Labor Lost, v. 1. 
 There was recently in the British army a major named Teyo- 
 ninhokarawen. In the island of Mull, Scotland, is a locality 
 named DrimtaidhoricJchillichattan. The original Mexican for 
 country curates is Notlazomahnitzteopixcatatzins. The longest 
 Nipmuck word in Eliot's Indian Bible is in St. Mark i. 40, 
 Wutteppesittukqussunnoowehtunkquohi and signifies " kneeling 
 down to him." 
 
 OUR VERNACULAR IN CHAUCER'S TIME. 
 
 But rede that boweth down for every blaste 
 
 Ful lyghtly cesse wynde, it wol aryse 
 
 But so nyle not an oke, when it is caste 
 
 It nedeth me nought longe the forvyse 
 
 Men shall reioysen of a great emprise 
 
 Atchewed wel and stant withouten dout 
 
 Al haue men ben the longer there about — Troylua, ii. 
 
212 TALL WRITING. 
 
 ftall fflSlriting, 
 
 DEFINITION OF TRANSCENDENTALISM. 
 
 The spiritual cognoscence of psychological irrefragibility 
 connected with concutient ademption of incolumnient spiritual- 
 ity and etherialized contention of subsultory concretion. 
 Translated by a New York lawyer, it stands thus : — 
 Transcendentalism is two holes in a sand-bank : a storm 
 washes away the sand-bank without disturbing the holes. 
 
 THE DOMICILE ERECTED BY JOHN. 
 Translated from the Vulgate. 
 Behold the Mansion reared by daedal Jack. 
 
 See the malt stored in many a plethoric sack, 
 In the proud cirque of Ivan's bivouac. 
 
 Mark how the Rat's felonious fangs invade 
 The golden stores in John's pavilion laid. 
 
 Anon, with velvet foot and Tarquin strides, 
 Subtle Grimalkin to his quarry glides, — 
 Grimalkin grim, that slew the fierce rodent 
 Whose tooth insidious Johann's sackcloth rent. 
 
 Lo ! now the deep-mouthed canine foe's assault, 
 That vexed the avenger of the stolen malt, 
 Stored in the hallowed precincts of that hall 
 That rose complete at Jack's creative call. 
 
 Here stalks the impetuous Cow with crumpled horn, 
 Whereon the exacerbating hound was torn, 
 Who bayed the feline slaughter-beast that slew 
 The Rat predacious, whose keen fangs ran through 
 The textile fibers that involved the grain 
 Which lay in Hans' inviolate domain. 
 
 Here walks forlorn the Damsel crowned with rue, 
 Lactiferous spoils from vaccine dugs, who drew, 
 Of that corniculate beast whose tortuous horn 
 Tossed to the clouds, in fierce vindictive scorn, 
 The harrowing hound, whose braggart bark and stir 
 Arched the lithe spine and reared the indignant fur 
 
TALL WRITING. 213 
 
 Of Puss, that with verminicidal claw 
 Struck the weird rat in whose insatiate maw 
 Lay reeking malt that erst in Juan's courts we saw, 
 Robed in senescent garb that seems in sooth 
 Too long a prey to Chronos' iron tooth. 
 
 Behold the man whose amorous lips incline, 
 Full with young Eros' osculative sign, 
 To the lorn maiden whose lact-albic hands 
 Drew albu-lactic wealth from lacteal glands 
 Of that immortal bovine, by whose horn 
 Distort, to realm ethereal was borne 
 The beast catulean, vexer of that sly 
 Ulysses quadrupedal, who made die 
 The old mordacious Rat that dared devour 
 Antecedaneous Ale in John's domestic bower. 
 
 Lo, here, with hirsute honors doffed, succinct 
 
 Of saponaceous locks, the Priest who linked 
 
 In Hymen's golden bands the torn unthrift, 
 
 Whose means exiguous stared from many a rift, 
 
 Even as he kissed the virgin all forlorn, 
 
 Who milked the cow with implicated horn, 
 
 Who in fine wrath the canine torturer skied, 
 
 That dared to vex the insidious muricide, 
 
 Who let auroral effluence through the pelt 
 
 Of the sly Rat that robbed the palace Jack had built. 
 
 The loud cantankerous Shanghae comes at last, 
 
 Whose shouts arouse the shorn ecclesiast, 
 
 Who sealed the vows of Hymen's sacrament, 
 
 To him who, robed in garments indigent, 
 
 Exosculates the damsel lachrymose, 
 
 The emulgator of that horned brute morose, 
 
 That tossed the dog, that worried the cat, that kilt 
 
 The rat, that ate the malt, that lay in the house that Jack built 
 
 FROM THE CURIOSITIES OF ADVERTISING. 
 
 TO BE LET, 
 
 To an Oppidan, a Ruricolist, or a Cosmopolitan, and may bo 
 entered upon immediately : 
 
 The House in Stone Row, lately possessed by Capt. Siree. 
 To avoid Verbosity, the Proprietor with Compendiosity will 
 give a Perfunctory description of the Premises, in the Com pa- 
 gination of which he has Sedulously studied the convenience of 
 
214 TALL WRITING. 
 
 the Occupant. It is free from Opacity, Tenebrosity, Furaidity, 
 and Injucundity, and no building can have greater Pellucidity 
 or Translucency — in short, its Diaphaneity even in the Cre- 
 puscle makes it like a Pharos, and without laud, for its Agglu- 
 tination and Amenity, it is a most Delectable Commorance; 
 and whoever lives in it will find that the Neighbors have none 
 of the Truculence, the Immanity, the Torvity, the Spinosity, 
 the Putidness, the Pugnacity, nor the Fugacity observable in 
 other parts of the town, but their Propinquity and Consanguinity 
 occasion Jocundity and Pudicity — from which, and the Redo- 
 lence of the place (even in the dog-days), they are remarkable 
 for Longevity. For terms and particulars apply to James 
 Hutchinson, opposite the Market-House. — Dub. News. 
 
 FROM THE CURIOSITIES OF THE POST-OFFICE. 
 
 The following is a genuine epistle, sent by an emigrant coun- 
 try schoolmaster to a friend at home : — 
 
 Mr M Connors 
 
 With congruous gratitude and decorum I accost to you this 
 debonnaire communication. And announce to you with ami- 
 cable Complacency that we continually enjoy competent lauda- 
 ble good health, thanks to our omnipotent Father for it. We 
 are endowed with the momentous prerogatives of respectable 
 operations of a supplement concuity of having a fine brave 
 and gallant youthful daughter the pendicity ladies age is 
 four months at this date, we denominated her Margaret 
 Connolly. 
 
 I have to respond to the Communication and accost and re- 
 mit a Convoy revealing with your identity candor and sincerity. 
 If your brother who had been pristinely located and stationed 
 in England whether he has induced himself with ecstasy to be 
 in preparation to progress with you. I am paid by the re- 
 spectable potent loyal nobleman that I work for one dollar 
 per day. Announce to us in what Concuity the crops and the 
 products of husbandry dignify, also predict how is John Carroll 
 and his wife and family. My brother and Myself are continu- 
 
TALL WRITING. 215 
 
 ally employed and occupied in similar work. Living and doing 
 good. Dictate how John Mahony wife and family is 
 
 Don't you permit oblivion to obstruct you from inserting this. 
 Prognosticate how Mrs Harrington is and if she accept my in- 
 telligence or any convoy from either of Her 2 progenies since 
 their embarkation for this nation. If she has please specify 
 with congruous and elysian gratitude with validity and veracity 
 to my magnanimous self. 
 
 I remit my respects to my former friends and acquaintances. 
 I remain D. Connolly. 
 
 P. S. Direct your Epistle to Pembroke, State of Maine. 
 
 Dear brother-in-law 
 
 I am determined and candidly arrive at Corolary, as I am 
 fully resolved to transfer a sufficient portion of money to you 
 to recompense your liabilities from thence to hence. I hope 
 your similar operations will not impede any occurrence that 
 might obstruct your progression on or at the specified time the 
 17 of March next. 
 
 SPANISH PLAY-BILL, 
 
 Exhibited at Seville, 1762. 
 
 To the Sovereign of Heaven — to the Mother of the Eternal 
 World — to the Polar Star of Spain — to the Comforter of all 
 Spain — to the faithful Protectress of the Spanish- nation — to 
 the Honor and Glory of the Most Holy Virgin Mary — for her 
 benefit and for the Propagation of her Worship — the Company 
 of Comedians will this day give a representation of the Comic 
 Piece called— N A NINE. 
 
 The celebrated Italian will also dance the Fandango, and the 
 Theatre will be respectably illuminated. 
 
 In a medical work entitled The Breviarie of Health, pub- 
 lished in 1547, by Andrew Borde, a physician of that period, 
 is a prologue addressed to physicians, beginning thus : — 
 
 Egregious doctors and masters of the eximious and arcane 
 science of physic, of your urbanity exasperate not yourselves 
 against me for making this little volume. 
 
216 TALL WRITING. 
 
 THE MAD POET. 
 
 McDonald Clarke, commonly called the mad poet, died a 
 few years ago in the Lunatic Asylum on Blackwell's Island, 
 New York. He wrote those oft-quoted lines, — 
 
 Now twilight lets her curtain down, 
 And pins it with a star. 
 
 In his wilder moments he set all rules at defiance, and min- 
 gled the startlingly sublime and the laughably ridiculous in the 
 oddest confusion. He talks thus madly of Washington : 
 
 Eternity — give him elbow room; 
 
 A spirit like his is large j 
 Earth, fence with artillery his tomb, 
 
 And fire a double charge 
 To the memory of America's greatest man : 
 Match him, posterity, if you can. 
 
 In the following lines, he sketches, with a few bold touches, 
 a well-known place, sometimes called a rum-liole : — 
 
 Ila ! see where the wild-blazing grogshop appears, 
 
 As the red waves of wretchedness swell ; 
 How it burns on the edge of tempestuous years, 
 
 The horrible light-house of hell ! 
 
 foote's farrago. 
 
 The following droll nonsense was written by Foote, the dra- 
 matist, for the purpose of trying the memory of Macklin, who 
 boasted that he could learn any thing by heart on hearing it 
 once: — 
 
 So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage-leaf to make an 
 apple-pie ) and, at the same time, a great she-bear coming up 
 the street pops its head into the shop — What ! no soap ? So he 
 died; and she very imprudently married the barber: and there 
 were present the Picninnies, and the Joblilies, and the Garyu- 
 lies, and the great Panjandrum himself, with the little round 
 button at top. And they all fell to playing the game of "catch 
 as catch can," till the gunpowder ran out of the heels of their 
 boots ! 
 
TALL WRITING. 217 
 
 BURLESQUE OF THE STYLE OF DR. JOHNSON. 
 
 While I was admiring the fantastical ramifications of some 
 umbelliferous plants that hung over the margin of the Liffey, 
 the fallacious bank, imperceptibly corroded by the moist tooth 
 of the fluid, gave way beneath my feet, and I was suddenly 
 submerged to some fathoms of profundity. Presence of mind, 
 in constitutions not naturally timid, is generally in proportion 
 to the imminence of the peril. Having never learned to move 
 through the water in horizontal progression, had I desponded, 
 I had perished ; but, being for a moment raised above the ele- 
 ment by my struggles, or by some felicitous casualty, I was 
 sensible of the danger, and immediately embraced the means 
 of extrication. A cow, at the moment of my lapse, had en- 
 tered the stream, within the distance of a protruded arm ; and 
 being in the act of transverse navigation to seek the pasture of 
 the opposite bank, I laid hold on that part of the animal which 
 is loosely pendent behind, and is formed by the continuation of 
 the vertebrae. In this manner I was safely conveyed to a ford- 
 able passage, not without some delectation from the sense of 
 the progress without effort on my part, and the exhilarating 
 approximation of more than problematical deliverance. Though 
 in some respects I resembled the pilot of Gyas, Jam senior 
 niadidaque fluens in veste, yet my companions, unlike the bar- 
 barous Phrygian spectators, forbore to acerbitate the uncouth- 
 ness of embarrassment by the insults of derision. Shrieks of 
 complorance testified sorrow for my submersion, and safety was 
 rendered more pleasant by the felicitations of sympathy. As 
 the danger was over, I took no umbrage at a little risibility ex- 
 cited by the feculence of my visage, upon which the cow had 
 discharged her gramineous digestion in a very ludicrous abun- 
 dance. About this time the bell summoned us to dinner; and, 
 as the cutaneous contact of irrigated garments is neither plea- 
 sant nor salubrious, I was easily persuaded by the ladies to 
 divest myself of mine. Colonel Manly obligingly accommo- 
 dated me with a covering of camlet. I found it commodious, 
 
 19 
 
218 TALL WRITING. 
 
 and more agreeable than the many compressive ligaments of 
 modern drapery. That there might be no violation of decorum, 
 I took care to have the loose robe fastened before with small 
 cylindrical wires, which the dainty fingers of the ladies easily 
 removed from their dresses and inserted into mine, at such 
 proper intervals as to leave no aperture that could awaken the 
 susceptibility of temperament, or provoke the cachinnations of 
 levity.* 
 
 NEWSPAPER EULOGY. 
 
 The following alliterative eulogy on a young lady appeared, 
 many years ago, in a newspaper : — 
 
 If boundless benevolence be the iasis of beatitude, and harm- 
 less 7iumanity a Aarbinger of fallowed Aeart, these Christian 
 concomitants composed her characteristics, and conciliated the 
 esteem of her cotemporary acquaintances, who mean to model 
 their manners in the mould of their meritorious monitor. 
 
 CLEAR AS MUD. 
 
 In a series of Philosophical Essays published many years 
 ago, the authorj* gives some definitions of human knowledge, 
 the following of which he considers " least obnoxious to com- 
 prehension :" — 
 
 A coincidence between the association of ideas, and the 
 order or succession of events or phenomena, according to the 
 relation of cause and effect, and in whatever is subsidiary, or 
 necessary to realize, approximate and extend such coincidence; 
 understanding, by the relation of cause and effect, that order or 
 
 * The peculiar stateliness and dignity of Johnston's style, when applied to 
 the smaller concerns of life, makes, as will be seen from the above caricature, a 
 very ludicrous appearance. A judicious imitation of his phraseology on tri- 
 fling subjects was a favorite manner of attack among the critics. Erskino's 
 account of the Buxton baths is one of the most amusing. When several ex- 
 amples of this sort were shown to Johnson, at Edinburgh, he pronounced that 
 of Lord Dreghorn the best: "but," said he, "I could caricature my own 
 style much better myself." 
 
 f Ogilvie. 
 
TALL WRITING. 219 
 
 succession, the discovery or development of which empowers 
 an intelligent being, by means of one event or phenomenon, or 
 by a series of given events or phenomena, to anticipate the re- 
 currence of another event or phenomenon, or of a required 
 series of events or phenomena, and to summon them into exist- 
 ence, and employ their instrumentality in the gratification of 
 his wishes, or in the accomplishment of his purposes. 
 
 INDIGNANT LETTER. 
 
 . Addressed to a Louisiana clergyman by a Virginia corre- 
 spondent. 
 
 Sir : — You have behaved like an impetiginous acroyli — like 
 those inquinate orosscrolest who envious of my moral celsitude 
 carry their mugacity to the height of creating symposically the 
 fecund words which my polymathic genius uses with uberity to 
 abligate the tongues of the weightless. Sir, you have corassly 
 parodied my own pet words, as though they were tangrams. I 
 will not conceroate reproaches. I would obduce a veil over the 
 atramental ingratitude which has chamiered even my undiscep- 
 tible heart. I am silent on the foscillation which my coadful 
 fancy must have given you when I offered to become your fan- 
 ton and adminicle. I will not speak of the liptitude, the ab- 
 lepsy you have shown in exacerbating me ; one whose genius 
 you should have approached with mental discalceation. So, I 
 tell you, Sir, syncophically and without supervacaneous words, 
 nothing will render ignoscible your conduct to me. I warn 
 you that I will vellicate your nose if I thought your moral dia- 
 thesis could be thereby performed. If I thought that I should 
 not impigorate my reputation by such a degladiation. Go 
 tagygraphic ; your oness inquinate draws oblectation from the 
 greatest poet since Milton, and draws upon your head this 
 letter, which will drive you to Webster, and send you to sleep 
 over it. 
 
 " Knowledge is power," and power is mercy; so I wish you 
 no rovose that it may prove an external hypnotic. 
 
220 TALL WRITING. 
 
 INTRAMURAL ^ESTIVATION. 
 
 In candent ire the solar splendor flames; 
 The foles, languescent, pend from arid ramesj 
 His humid front the cive, anheling, wipes, 
 And dreams of erring on ventiferous ripes. 
 
 How dulce to vive occult to mortal eyes, 
 Dorm on the herb with none to supervise, 
 Carp the suave berries from the crescent vine, 
 And bibo the flow from longicaudate kine ! 
 
 To me, alas ! no verdurous visions come, 
 Save yon exiguous pool's conferva-scum ; 
 No concave vast repeats the tender hue 
 That laves my milk-jug with celestial blue ! 
 
 Me wretched ! Let me curr to quercine shades ! 
 Effund your albid hausts, lactiferous maids ! 
 Oh, might I vole to some umbrageous clump, — 
 Depart, — be off, — exc'ede, — evade, — erump ! 
 
 Autocrat of the Breakfast- Table. 
 
 A CHEMICAL VALENTINE. 
 
 I love thee, Mary, and thou lovest me, 
 
 Our mutual flame is like the affinity 
 
 That doth exist between two simple bodies. 
 
 I am Potassium to thy Oxygen ; 
 
 'Tis little that the holy marriage vow 
 
 Shall shortly make us one. That unity 
 
 Is, after all, but metaphysical. 
 
 Oh ! would that I, my Mary, were an Acid — 
 
 A living Acid ; thou an Alkali 
 
 Endowed with human sense ; that, brought together, 
 
 We both might coalesce into one Salt, 
 
 One homogeneous crystal. Oh that thou 
 
 Wert Carbon, and myself were Hydrogen ! 
 
 We would unite to form defiant gas, 
 
 Or common coal, or naphtha. Would to heaven 
 
 That I were Phosphorus, and thou wert Lime, 
 
 And we of Lime composed a Phosphuret ! 
 
 I'd be content to be Sulphuric Acid, 
 
 So that thou mightst be Soda. In that case, 
 
 We should be Glauber's Salt. Wert thou Magnesia 
 
 Instead, we'd form the salt that's named from Epsom. 
 
 Couldst thou Potassa be, I Aquafortis, 
 
 Our happy union should that compound form, 
 
TALL WRITING. 221 
 
 Nitrate of Potash — otherwise Saltpetre. 
 
 And thus, our several natures sweetly blent, 
 
 We'd live and love together, until death 
 
 Should decompose this fleshly Tertium Quid, 
 
 Leaving our souls to all eternity 
 
 Amalgamated ! Sweet, thy name is Briggs, 
 
 And mine is Johnson. Whereforo should not we 
 
 Agree to form a Johnsonate of Briggs ? 
 
 We will ! the day, the happy day is nigh, 
 
 When Johnson shall with beauteous Briggs combine. 
 
 THE ANATOMIST TO HIS DULCINEA. 
 
 I list as thy heart and ascending aorta 
 
 Their volumes of valvular harmony pour; 
 And my soul from that muscular music has caught a 
 
 New life 'mid its dry anatomical lore. 
 
 Oh, rare is the sound when thy ventricles throb 
 
 In a systolic symphony measured and slow, 
 When the auricles answer with rhythmical sob, 
 
 As they murmur a melody wondrously low ! 
 
 Oh, thy cornea, love, has the radiant light 
 
 Of the sparkle that laughs in the icicle's sheen ; 
 
 And thy crystalline lens, like a diamond bright, 
 Through the quivering frame of thine iris is seen ! 
 
 And thy retina, spreading its lustre of pearl, 
 
 Like the far-away nebula, distantly gleams 
 From a vault of black cellular mirrors that hurl 
 
 From their hexagon angles the silvery beams. 
 
 Ah ! the flash of those orbs is enslaving me still, 
 As they roll 'neath the palpebrae, dimly translucent, 
 
 Obeying in silence the magical will 
 
 Of the oculo-motor — pathetic — abducent. 
 
 Oh, sweet is thy voice, as it sighingly swells 
 
 From the daintily quivering chorda? vocales, 
 Or rings in clear tones through the echoing cells 
 
 Of the antrum, the ethmoid, and sinus frontales! 
 
 ODE TO SPRING. 
 
 WRITTEN IN A LAWYER'S OFFICE. 
 
 Whereas on sundry boughs and sprays 
 
 Now divers birds are heard to sing, 
 And sundry flowers their heads upraise— 
 
 Hail to the coming on of Spring ! 
 
222 TALL WRITING. 
 
 The birds aforesaid, happy pairs ! 
 
 Love midst the aforesaid boughs enshrines 
 In household nests, themselves, their heirs, 
 
 Administrators, and assigns. 
 The songs of the said birds arouse 
 
 The memory of our youthful hours. 
 As young and green as the said boughs, 
 
 As fresh and fair as the said flowers. 
 
 busiest term of Cupid's court! 
 
 When tender plaintiffs actions bring; 
 Season of frolic and of sport, 
 
 Hail, as aforesaid, coming Spring! 
 
 PRISTINE PROVERBS PREPARED FOR PRECOCIOUS PUPILS. 
 
 Observe yon plumed biped fine! 
 
 To effect his captivation, 
 Deposit particles saline 
 
 Upon his termination. 
 
 Cryptogamous concretion never grows 
 On mineral fragments that decline repose. 
 
 Whilst self-inspection it neglects, 
 
 Nor its own foul condition sees, 
 The kettle to the pot objects 
 
 Its sordid superficies. 
 
 Decortications of the golden grain 
 Are set to allure the aged fowl, in vain. 
 Teach not a parent's mother to extract 
 
 The embryo juices of an egg by suction : 
 That good old lady can the feat enact, 
 
 Quite irrespective of your kind instruction. 
 
 Pecuniary agencies have force 
 
 To stimulate to speed the female horse. 
 
 Bear not to yon famed city upon Tyne 
 The carbonaceous product of the mine. 
 
 The mendicant, once from his indigence freed, 
 And mounted aloft on the generous steed, 
 Down the precipice soon will infallibly go, 
 And conclude his career in the regions below. 
 It is permitted to the feline race 
 To contemplate even a regal face. 
 
METRIC PROSE. 223 
 
 Mttxit ^xom. 
 
 Quid tentabam scribere versus erat. — OviD. 
 COWPER'S LETTER TO NEWTON. 
 
 The following letter was written to Rev. John Newton, by 
 "William Cowper, in reference to a poem On Charity, by the 
 latter : — 
 
 My very dear friend, I am going to send, what when you 
 have read, you may scratch your head, and say I suppose, 
 there's nobody knows, whether what I have got, be verse or 
 not; — by the tune and the time, it ought to be rhyme; but if 
 it be, did ever you see, of late or of yore, such a ditty before ? 
 
 I have writ " Charity," not for popularity, but as well as I 
 could, in hopes to do good; and if the "Reviewer" should say 
 to be sure, the gentleman's muse wears Methodist shoes, you 
 may know by her pace, and talk about grace, that she and her 
 bard have little regard for the tastes and fashions, and ruling 
 passions, and hoydening play, of the modern day ; and though 
 she assume a borrowed plume, and now and then wear a titter- 
 ing air, 'tis only her plan, to catch if she can, the giddy and 
 gay, as they go that way, by a production of a new construc- 
 tion ; she has baited her trap, in the hope to snap all that may 
 come, with a sugar-plum. His opinion in this will not be 
 amiss ; 'tis what I intend, my principal end ; and if I succeed, 
 and folks should read, till a few are brought to a serious thought, 
 I shall think I am paid for all I have said, and all I have done, 
 although I have run, many a time, after a rhyme, as far as 
 from hence to the end of my sense, and by hook or by crook, 
 write another book, if I live and am here another year. 
 
 I have heard before of a room with a floor, laid upon springs, 
 and such-like things, with so much art in every part, that when 
 you went in, you were forced to begin a minuet pace, with an 
 air and a grace, swimming about, now in and now out, with a 
 
224 METRIC PROSE. 
 
 deal of a state, in a figure of eight, without pipe or string, or 
 any such thing; and now I have writ, in a rhyming fit, what 
 will make you dance, and, as you advance, will keep you still, 
 though against your will, dancing away, alert and gay, till you 
 come to an end of what I have penned, which that you may 
 do, ere madam and you are quite worn out with jigging about, 
 I take my leave, and here you receive a bow profound, down 
 to the ground, from you humble me — W. C. 
 
 EXAMPLE IN IRVING'S NEW YORK. 
 
 The following remarkable instance of involuntary poetic 
 prose occurs in Knickerbocker's humorous history of New York, 
 near the commencement of the Sixth Book : — 
 
 The gallant warrior starts from soft repose, from golden 
 visions and voluptuous ease; where, in the dulcet "piping 
 time of peace," he sought sweet solace after all his toils. No 
 more in beauty's siren lap reclined, he weaves fair garlands 
 for his lady's brows; no more entwines with flowers his shining 
 sword, nor through the livelong summer's day chants forth 
 his love-sick soul in madrigals. To manhood roused, he spurns 
 the amorous flute, doffs from his brawny back the robe of peace, 
 and clothes his pampered limbs in panoply of steel. O'er his 
 dark brow, where late the myrtle waved, where wanton roses 
 breathed enervate love, he rears the beaming casque and nod- 
 ding plume; grasps the bright shield and ponderous lance, or 
 mounts with eager pride his fiery steed, and burns for deeds of 
 glorious chivalry. 
 
 In Disraeli's Wondrous Tale of Ahoy, are remarkable 
 specimens of prose poetry. For example : — 
 
 Why am I here? are you not here? and need I urge a stronger plea? 
 Oh, brother dear, I pray you come and mingle in our festival ! Our walls 
 are hung with flowers you love; I culled them by the fountain's side: the 
 holy lamps are trimmed and set, and you must raise their earliest flame. 
 Without the gate my maidens wait to offer you a robe of state. Then, 
 brother dear, I pray you come and mingle in our festival. 
 
metric prose. 225 
 
 nelly's funeral. 
 
 In Home's New Spirit of the Age, — a series of criticisms 
 on eminent living authors, — we find an admirable example of 
 prose poetry thus noticed : — 
 
 A curious circumstance is observable in a great portion 
 of the scenes of tragic power, pathos, and tenderness contained 
 in various parts of Mr. Dickens's works, which it is possible 
 may have been the result of harmonious accident, and the 
 author not even subsequently conscious of it. It is that they 
 are written in blank verse, of irregular metre and rhythms, 
 which Southey, and Shelley, and some other poets, have occa- 
 sionally adopted. Witness the following description from The 
 Old Curiosity Shop. 
 
 And now the bell — the bell 
 She had so often heard by night and day 
 And listened to with solid pleasure, 
 
 E'en as a living voice — 
 Rung its remorseless toll for her, 
 So young, so beautiful, so good. 
 
 Decrepit age, and vigorous life, 
 And blooming youth, and helpless infancy, 
 Poured forth — on crutches, in the pride of strength 
 
 And health, in the full blush 
 Of promise — the mere dawn of life — 
 To gather round her tomb. Old men were there 
 Whose eyes were dim 
 And senses failing — 
 Granddames, who might have died ten years ago, 
 And still been old — the deaf, the blind, the lame, 
 
 The palsied, 
 The living dead in many shapes and forms, 
 To see the closing of this early grave ! 
 
 What was the death it would shut in, 
 To that which still would crawl and creep above it 1 
 
 Along the crowded path they bore her now ; 
 
 Palo as the new-fallen snow 
 That covered it ; whose day on earth 
 Had been so fleeting. 
 P 
 
226 METRIC PROSE. 
 
 Under that porch where she had sat when Heaven 
 In mercy brought her to that peaceful spot, 
 
 She passed again, and the old church 
 
 Received her in its quiet shade. 
 
 Throughout the whole of the above, only two unimportant 
 words have been omitted — in and its ; " granddames" has been 
 substituted for "grandmothers/' and "e'en" for "almost." 
 All that remains is exactly as in the original, not a single word 
 transposed, and the punctuation the same to a comma. The 
 brief homily that concludes the funeral is profoundly beautiful. 
 
 Oh ! it is hard to take 
 The lesson that such deaths will teach, 
 But let no man reject it, 
 For it is one that all must learn 
 And is a mighty universal Truth. 
 "When Death strikes down the innocent and young, 
 For every fragile form from which he lets 
 The parting spirit free, 
 A hundred virtues rise, 
 In shapes of mercy, charity, and love, 
 To walk the world and bless it. 
 Of every tear 
 That sorrowing mortals shed on such green graves, 
 Some good is born, some gentler nature comes. 
 
 Not a word of the original is changed in the above quo- 
 tation, which is worthy of the best passages in Wordsworth, 
 and thus, meeting on the common ground of a deeply truthful 
 sentiment, the two most unlike men in the literature of the 
 country are brought into close proximation. 
 
 The following similar passage is from the concluding para- 
 graph of Nicholas Nichleby : — 
 
 The grass was greon above the dead boy's grave, 
 
 Trodden by feet so small and light, 
 
 That not a daisy drooped its head 
 Beneath their pressure. 
 
 Through all the spring and summer time 
 Garlands of fresh flowers, wreathed by infant hands, 
 
 Rested upon the stone. 
 
METRIC PROSE. 227 
 
 NIAGARA. 
 
 The same rhythmic cadence is observable in the following 
 passage ; copied verbatim from the American Notes : — 
 
 I think in every quiet season now, 
 
 Still do those waters roll, and leap, and roar, 
 
 And tumble all day long; 
 Still are the rainbows spanning them 
 
 A hundred feet below. 
 Still when the sun is on them, do they shine 
 
 And glow like molten gold. 
 Still when the day is gloomy do they fall 
 
 Like snow, or.seem to crumble away, 
 
 Like the front of a great chalk cliff, 
 Or roll adown the rock like dense white smoke. 
 
 But always does this mighty stream appear 
 
 To die as it comes down. 
 And always from the unfathomable grave 
 Arises that tremendous ghost of spray 
 And mist which is never laid: 
 
 Which has haunted this place 
 With the same dread solemnity, 
 
 Since darkness brooded on the deep 
 And that first flood before the Deluge — Light 
 
 Came rushing on Creation at the word of God. 
 
 To any one who reads this we need not say that but three 
 lines in it vary at all from the closest requisitions of an iambic 
 movement. The measure is precisely of the kind which Mr. 
 Southey so often used. For the reader's convenience, we copy 
 from Thalaba his well remembered lines on Night, as an in- # 
 stance : — 
 
 How beautiful is Night ! 
 
 A dewy freshness fills the silent air, 
 No mist obscures, nor cloud, nor speck, nor stain 
 
 Breaks the serene of heaven. 
 In full orbed glory yonder Moon divine 
 
 Rolls through the dark blue depths. 
 
 Beneath her steady ray 
 
 The desert circle spreads, 
 Like the round ocean, girdled with the sky. 
 
 How beautiful is Night ! 
 
228 METRIC PROSE. 
 
 INVOLUNTARY VERSIFICATION IN THE SCRIPTURES. 
 
 . The hexametric cadence in the authorized translation of the 
 Bible has been pointed out in another portion of this volume. 
 It is very noticeable in such passages as these, for example, from 
 the Second Psalm : — 
 
 Why do the heathen rage and the people imagine a vain thing ? 
 Kings of the earth set themselves and the rulers take counsel together. 
 
 The anapaestic cadence prevalent in the Psalms is also very 
 remarkable : — 
 
 That will bring forth his fruit in due season. — v. 6 
 Whatsoever he doth it shall prosper. — v. 4. 
 Away from the face of the earth. — v. 5. 
 Be able to stand in the judgment. — v. 6. 
 The way of th' ungodly shall perish. — v. 7. 
 
 Couplets may be drawn from the same inspired source, as 
 follows : — 
 
 Great peace have they that love thy law : 
 And nothing shall offend them. — Psalm, cxix. 165. 
 
 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace 
 Whose mind is stayed on thee. — Isaiah, xxvi. 3. 
 
 When his branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, 
 Ye know that the summer is nigh. — Matthew, xxiv. 32. 
 
 UNINTENTIONAL RHYMES OF PROSERS. 
 
 The delicate ear of Addison, who would stop the press to add 
 a conjunction, or erase a comma, allowed this inelegant jingle 
 to escape his detection: — 
 
 What I am going to mention, will perhaps deserve your attention. 
 
 Dr. Whewell, when Master of Trinity College, fell into a 
 similar trap, to the great amusement of his readers. In his 
 work on Mechanics, he happened to write literatim and verbatim^ 
 though not lineatim, the following tetrastich : — 
 
 There is no force, however great, 
 Can stretch a cord, however fine, 
 Into a horizontal line, 
 Which is accurately straight. 
 
METRIC PROSE. 229 
 
 A curious instance of involuntary rhythm occurs in President 
 Lincoln's Second Inaugural Address : — 
 
 Fondly do we hope, 
 
 Fervently do we pray, 
 That this mighty scourge of war 
 
 May speedily pass away : 
 Yet if be God's will 
 That it continue until — " 
 
 but here the strain abruptly ceases, and the President relapses 
 into prose. 
 
 In the course of a discussion upon the involuntary metre 
 into which Shakspeare so frequently fell, when he intended his 
 minor characters to speak prose, Dr. Johnson observed ; 
 
 " Such verse we make when we are writing prose ; 
 We make such verse in common conversation." 
 
 Kemble and Mrs. Siddons, from their habit of committing 
 to memory and reciting dramatic blank verse, unconsciously 
 made their most ordinary observations in that measure. Kemble, 
 for instance, on giving a shilling to a beggar, thus answered 
 the surprised look of his companion : — 
 
 " It is not often that I do these things, 
 But token I do, I do them handsomely." 
 
 And once when, in a walk with Walter Scott on the banks of 
 the Tweed, a dangerous looking bull made his appearance, Scott 
 took the water, Kemble exclaimed : — 
 
 " Sheriff, I'll get me up in yonder tree." 
 
 The presence of danger usually makes a man speak naturally, 
 if anything will. If a reciter of blank verse, then, fall uncon- 
 sciously into the rhythm of it when intending to speak prose, 
 much more may an habitual writer of it be expected to do so. 
 Instances of the kind from the table-talk of both Kemble and 
 his sister might be multiplied. This of Mrs. Siddons, — 
 
 "I asked for water, boy; you've brought me beer, " 
 
 is one of the best known. 
 
 . 20 
 
230 THE HUMORS OF VERSIFICATION. 
 
 ®!je Rumors of Uersifieattott 
 
 THE LOVERS. 
 
 IN DIFFERENT MOODS AND TENSES. 
 
 Sally Salter, she was a young teacher who taught, 
 
 And her friend, Charley Church, was a preacher, who praught! 
 
 Though his enemies called him a screecher, who scraught. 
 
 His heart, when he saw her, kept sinking, and sunk; 
 And his eye, meeting hers,, began winking, and wunkj 
 While she, in her turn, fell to thinking, and thunk. 
 
 He hastened to woo her, and sweetly he wooed, 
 For his love grew until to a mountain it grewed, 
 And what he was longing to do, then he doed. 
 
 In secret he wanted to speak, and he spoke, 
 
 To seek with his lips what his heart long had soke; 
 
 So he managed to let the truth leak, and it loke. 
 
 He asked her to ride to the church, and they rode* 
 
 They so sweetly did glide, that they both thought they glode, 
 
 And they came to the place to be tied, and were tode. 
 
 Then homeward he said let us drive, and they drove, 
 And soon as they wished to arrive, they arrove; 
 For whatever he couldn't contrive, she controve. 
 
 The kiss he was dying to steal, then he stole ; 
 
 At the feet where he wanted to kneel, then he knole; 
 
 And he said, "I feel better than ever I fole."- 
 
 So they to each other kept dinging, and clung, 
 While Time his swift circuit was winging, and wung; 
 And this was the thing he was bringing and brung : 
 
 The man Sally wanted to catch, and had caught — 
 
 That she wanted from others to snatch, and had snaught— 
 
 Was the one she now liked to scratch, and she scraught. 
 
 And Charley's warm love began freezing and froze, 
 
 While he took to teasing, and cruelly toze 
 
 The girl he had wished to be squeezing, and squoze. 
 
 u Wretch !" he cried, when she threatened to leave him, and left, 
 
 " How could you deceive, as you have deceft ?" 
 
 And she answered, " I promised to cleave, and I've cleft." 
 
THE HUMORS OF VERSIFICATION- 231 
 
 A STAMMERING WIFE. 
 
 When deeply in love with Miss Emily Pryne, 
 I vowed if the lady would only be mine, 
 
 I would always be ready to please her; 
 She blushed her consent, though the stuttering lass 
 Said never a word except "You're an ass — 
 
 An ass — an ass — iduous teazer!" 
 
 But when we were married, I found to my ruth 
 The stammering lady had spoken the truth; 
 
 For often, in obvious dudgeon, 
 She'd say — if I ventured to give her a jog 
 In the way of reproof — " You're a dog — dog — dog— 
 
 A dog — a dog — matic curmudgeon !" 
 
 And once, when I said, "We can hardly afford 
 This immoderate style with our moderate board/' 
 
 And hinted we ought to be wiser, 
 She looked, I assure you, exceedingly blue, 
 And fretfully cried, "You're a Jew — Jew — Jew — 
 
 A very ju-dicious adviser!" 
 
 Again, when it happened that, wishing to shirk 
 Some rather unpleasant and arduous work, 
 
 I begged her to go to a neighbor, 
 She wanted to know why I made such a fuss, 
 And saucily said, " You're a cuss — cuss — cuss — 
 
 You were always ac — cus — tomed to labor !" 
 
 Out of temper at last with the insolent dame, 
 And feeling the woman was greatly to blame, 
 
 To scold me instead of caressing, 
 I mimicked her speech, like a churl as I am, 
 And angrily said, "You're a dam — dam — dam — 
 
 A dam-age instead of a blessing." 
 
 A SONG WITH VARIATIONS. 
 
 [Scene. — Wife at the piano ; brute of a husband, who has no more soul 
 for music than his boot, in an adjoining apartment, making his toilet.] 
 Oh ! do not chide me if I weep ! — 
 
 Come, wife, and sew this button on. 
 Such pain as mine can never sleep ! — 
 
 Zounds ! as I live, another's gone ! 
 For unrequited love brings grief, — 
 
 A needle, wife, and bring your scissors. 
 
232 THE HUMORS OF VERSIFICATION. 
 
 And Pity's voice gives no relief — 
 
 The child ! good Lord ! he's at my razors ! 
 No balm to ease the troubled heart, — 
 
 Who starched this bosom ? I declare 
 That writhes from hate's envenomed dart! — 
 
 It's enough to make a parson swear ! 
 When faith in man is given up — 
 
 How plaguey shiftless are some women ! 
 Then sorrow fills her bitter cup — 
 
 I'll have to get my other linen. 
 And to its lees the white lips quaff— 
 
 Smith says he's coming in to-night, 
 While Malice yields her mocking laugh ! — 
 
 With Mrs. S., and Jones and Wright. 
 Oh ! could I stifle in my breast — 
 
 And Jones will bring some prime old sherry. 
 This aching heart, and give it rest, — 
 
 We'll want some eggs for Tom-and-Jerry 
 Could Lethe's waters o'er me roll, — 
 
 These stockings would look better mended ! 
 And bring oblivion to my soul, — 
 
 When-will-you-have-that-ditty-ended? 
 Then haply I, in other skies, — 
 
 We'd better have the oysters fried. 
 Might find the love that earth denies ! 
 
 There ! now at last my dickey's tied ! 
 
 THOUGHTS WHILE SHE ROCKS THE CRADLE. 
 
 What is the little one thinking about? 
 Very wonderful thing, no doubt, 
 Unwritten history ! 
 Unfathomable mystery ! 
 But he laughs and cries, and eats and drinks, 
 And chuckles and crows, and nods and winks, 
 As if his head were as full of kinks, 
 And curious riddles, as any sphinx ! 
 Warped by colic and wet by tears, 
 Punctured by pins, and tortured by fears, 
 Our little nephew will lose two years ; 
 And he'll never know 
 Where the summers go : 
 He need not laugh, for he'll find it so ! 
 
 Who can tell what the baby thinks ? 
 Who can follow the gossamer links 
 
THE HUMORS OF VERSIFICATION. 233 
 
 By which the manikin feels his way 
 Out from the shores of the great unknown, 
 Blind, and wailing, and alone, 
 
 Into the light of day ? 
 Out from the shores of the unknown sea, 
 Tossing in pitiful agony ! 
 Of the unknown sea that reels and rolls, 
 Specked with the barks of little souls — 
 Barks that were launched on the other side, 
 And slipped from heaven on an ebbing tide ! 
 
 And what does he think of his mother's eyes ? 
 What does he think of his mother's hair ? 
 
 What of the cradle roof that flies 
 Forward and backward through the air? 
 
 What does he think of his mother's breast — 
 Bare and beautiful, smooth and white, 
 Seeking it ever with fresh delight — 
 
 Cup of his joy and couch of his rest ? 
 What does he think when her quick embrace 
 Presses his hand and buries his face 
 Deep where the heart-throbs sink and swell 
 With a tenderness she can never tell, 
 
 Though she murmur the words 
 
 Of all the birds— - ,. 
 
 Words she has learned to murmur well ? 
 
 Now he thinks he'll go to sleep ! 
 
 I can see the shadow creep 
 
 Over his eyes, in soft eclipse, 
 
 Over his brow, and over his lips, 
 
 Out to his little finger tips, 
 
 Softly sinking, down he goes ! 
 
 Down he goes ! down he goes ! 
 
 [Rising and carefully retreating to her seat.] 
 
 See ! he is hushed in sweet repose ! v 
 
 A SERIO-COMIC ELEGY. 
 
 WHATELY ON BUCKLAND. 
 
 In his " Common-Place Book," the late Archbishop Whately 
 records the following Elegy on the late geologist, Dr. Buckland : 
 Where shall we our great professor inter, 
 
 That in peace may rest his bones ? 
 If we hew him a rocky sepulchre 
 He'll rise and breakthe stones, 
 And examine each stratum which lies around, 
 For he's quite in his element underground. 
 20* 
 
234 THE HUMORS OP VERSIFICATION. 
 
 If with mattock and spade his body we lay 
 
 In the common alluvial soil, 
 He'll start up and snatch these tools away 
 
 Of his own geological toil; 
 In a stratum so young the professor disdains 
 That embedded should lie his organic remains. 
 
 Then exposed to the drip of some case-hardening spring, 
 
 His carcase let stalactite cover, 
 And to Oxford the petrified sage let us bring, 
 
 When he is encrusted all over; 
 There, 'mid mammoths and crocodiles, high on a shelf, 
 Let him stand as a monument raised to himself. 
 
 A REMINISCENCE OP TROY. 
 
 FROM THE SCHOLIAST. 
 
 It was the ninth year of the Trojan war — 
 
 A tedious pull at best : 
 A lot of us were sitting by the shore — 
 
 Tydides, Phocas, Castor, and the rest — 
 Some whittling shingles and some stringing bows, 
 And cutting up our friends, and cutting up our foes. 
 
 Down from the tents above there came a man, 
 Who took a camp-stool by Tydides' side. 
 
 He joined our talk, and, pointing to the pan 
 Upon the embers where our pork was fried, 
 
 Said he would eat the onions and the leeks, 
 
 But that fried pork was food not fit for Greeks. 
 
 "Look at the men of Thebes," he said, "and then 
 Look at those cowards in the plains below: 
 
 You see how ox-like are the ox-fed men; 
 You see how sheepish mutton-eaters grow. 
 
 Stick to this vegetable food of mine : 
 
 Men who eat pork grunt, root and sleep like swine." 
 
 Some laughed, and some grew mad, and some grew red : 
 The pork was hissing ; but his point was clear. 
 
 Still no one answered him, till Nestor said, 
 " One inference that I would draw is here : 
 
 You vegetarians, who thus educate us, 
 
 Thus far have turned out very small potatoes." 
 
THE HUMORS OF VERSIFICATION. 235 
 
 THE POET BRYANT AS A HUMORIST. 
 
 Those who are familiar with Mr. Lowell's Fable for Critics, 
 will remember the lines : — 
 
 There is Bryant, as quiet, as cool, and as dignified, 
 As a smooth, silent iceberg, that never is ignified, 
 ■ Save when by reflection 'tis kindled 'o nights 
 With a semblance of flame by the chill Northern Lights. 
 He may rank (Griswold says so) first bard of your nation; 
 (There's no doubt he stands in supreme ice-olation,) 
 Your topmost Parnassus he may set his heel on, 
 But no warm applauses come, peal following peal on — 
 He's too smooth and too polished to hang any zeal on; 
 Unqualified merits, I'll grant, if you choose, he has 'em, 
 But he lacks the one merit of kindling enthusiasm; 
 If he stir you at all, it is just, on my soul, 
 Like being stirred up by the very North Pole. 
 
 The Cambridge wit has either misjudged the character of 
 Bryant's genius, or he has sacrificed a man to an epigram, and 
 subordinated fact to ajcu d? esprit. Though "quiet and digni- 
 fied," Mr. Bryant possesses a rare vein of humor, but its 
 bubbling fancies are not generally known or suspected for 
 the reason that he unbends anonymously. Only one of the 
 diversions of his muse appears in his published works — and 
 that is his invocation "To a Mosquito," which begins thus: — 
 
 Fair insect ! that with thread-like legs spread out, 
 And blood-extracting bill and filmy wing, 
 
 Dost murmur, as tnou slowly sail'st about, 
 In pitiless ears full many a plaintive thing, 
 
 And tell how little our large veins would bleed, 
 
 Would we but yield them to thy bitter need. 
 
 One day, when Mr. Bryant discovered in a fresh number 
 of the Atlantic Monthly a so-called poem, which struck him as 
 uncommonly absurd, he sat down and produced a travesty of 
 it, which was much more effective in its ridicule than any 
 sharper criticism could have been made. Here are the two 
 in conjunction : — 
 
236 THE HUMORS OF VERSIFICATION. 
 
 THE "ATLANTIC POEM. 
 
 Bellying earth no anchor throws 
 Stouter than the breath that blows ; 
 Night and sorrow cling in vain; 
 It must toss in day again. 
 
 Hospital and battle-field, 
 Myriad spots where fate is sealed, 
 Brinks that crumble, sins that urge, 
 Plunge again into the surge. 
 
 How the purple breakers throw 
 Round me their insatiate glow. 
 Sweep my deck of hideous freight, 
 Pour through fastening and grate. 
 
 bryant's travesty. 
 
 Squint-eyed bacchanals at play, 
 Keep a Lybian holiday, 
 Leading trains of solemn apes, 
 Tipsy with the blood of grapes. 
 
 Forty furies — thirty more 
 Than old Milton had before — 
 Scattering sparkles from their hair, 
 Swing their censers in the air. 
 
 Toss the flaming goblet off, 
 Heed not ocean's windy scoff; 
 Let him dash against the shore, 
 Gape and grin, and sweat and roar. 
 
 Since which time nothing has bejen heard of the Atlantic 
 poet! Only those who were "behind the scenes," in the 
 office of the Evening Post, in the year 1863, knew the author- 
 ship of the burlesque — and the burlesque itself will never 
 appear in the poet's "collected works." 
 
 ON RECEIPT OF A RARE PIPE. 
 
 I lifted off the lid with anxious care, 
 
 Removed the wrappages, stripe after stripe, 
 
 And when the hidden contents were laid bare, 
 My first remark was : "Mercy, what a pipe!" 
 
THE HUMORS OE VERSIFICATION. 237 
 
 A pipe of symmetry that matched its size, 
 
 Mounted with metal bright — a sight to see — 
 With the rich umber hue that smokers prize, 
 
 Attesting both its age and pedigree. 
 
 A pipe to make the Royal Friedrich jealous, 
 
 Or the great Teufelsdrock with envy gripe ! 
 A man should hold some rank above his fellows 
 
 To justify his smoking such a Pipe! 
 
 What country gave it birth? What blest of cities 
 
 Saw it first kindle at the glowing coal? 
 What happy artist murmured, "Nunc dimittis," 
 
 When he had fashioned this transcendent bowl? 
 
 Has it been hoarded in a monarch's treasures ? 
 
 Was it a gift of peace, or prize of war? 
 Did the great Khalif in his ''House of Pleasures" 
 
 Wager, and lose it to the good Zaafar? 
 
 It may have soothed mild Spenser's melancholy, 
 
 While musing o'er traditions of the past, 
 Or graced the lips of brave Sir Walter Raleigh 
 
 Ere sage King Jamie blew his Counterblast. 
 
 Did it, safe hidden in some secret cavern, 
 
 Escape that monarch's pipoclastic ken ? 
 Has Shakespeare smoked it at the Mermaid Tavern, 
 
 Quaffing a cup of sack with rare old Ren? 
 
 Ay, Shakespeare might have watched his vast creations 
 Loom through its smoke — the spectre-haunted Thane, 
 
 The Sisters at their ghastly invocations, 
 The jealous Moor and melancholy Dane. 
 
 'Round its orbed haze and through its mazy ringlets 
 
 Titania may have led her elfin rout, 
 Or Ariel fanned it with his gauzy winglets, 
 
 Or Puck danced in the bowl to put it out. 
 
 Vain are all fancies — questions bring no answer; 
 
 The smokers vanish, but the pipe remains; 
 He were indeed a subtle necromancer 
 
 Could read their records in its cloudy stains. 
 
 Nor this alone : its destiny may doom it 
 
 To outlive e'en its use and history — 
 Some plowman of the future may exhume it 
 
 From soil now deep beneath the Eastern 
 
! 
 238 THE HUMORS OF VERSIFICATION. 
 
 And, treasured by some antiquarian Stultus, 
 
 It may to gaping visitors be shown, 
 Labeled, "The symbol of some ancient Cultus, 
 
 Conjecturally Phallic, but unkown." 
 
 Why do I thus recall the ancient quarrel 
 
 'Twixt Man and Time, that marks all earthly things? 
 Why labor to re-word the hackneyed moral, 
 
 H? </>tiXXci>v yew), as Homer sings ? 
 
 For this: Some links we forge are never broken ; 
 
 Some feelings claim exemption from decay ; 
 And Love, of which this pipe was but the token, 
 
 Shall last, though pipes and smokers pass away. 
 
 THE HUMAN EAR. 
 
 A sound came booming through the air — 
 "What is that sound?" quoth I. 
 
 My blue-eyed pet, with golden hair, 
 Made answer presently, 
 
 " Papa, you know it very well — 
 
 That sound — it was Saint Pancras Bell." 
 
 My own Louise, put down the cat, 
 
 And come and stand by me; 
 I'm sad to hear you talk like that, 
 
 Where's your philosophy? 
 That sound — attend to what I tell — 
 That sound was not Saint Pancras Bell. 
 
 " Sound is the name the sage selects 
 
 For the concluding term 
 Of a long series of effects, 
 
 Of which that blow's the germ. 
 The following brief analysis 
 Shows the interpolations, Miss. 
 
 "The blow which, when the clapper slips, 
 Falls on your friend the Bell, 
 Changes its circle to ellipse, 
 
 (A word you'd better spell), 
 And then comes elasticity, 
 Restoring what it used to be. 
 
 "Nay, making it a little more, 
 The circle shifts about. 
 
THE HUMORS OF VERSIFICATION. 239 
 
 As much as it shrunk in before 
 The Bell, you see, swells out; 
 And so a new ellipse is made, 
 (You're not attending, I'm afraid). 
 
 "This change of form disturbs the air, 
 
 Which in its turn behaves 
 In like elastic fashion there, 
 
 Creating waves on waves; 
 Which press each other onward, dear, 
 Until the outmost finds your ear. 
 
 "Within that ear the surgeons find 
 
 A tympanum, or drum, 
 Which has a little bone behind, — 
 
 Malleus, it's called by some; 
 But those not proud of Latin Grammar 
 Humbly translate it as the hammer. 
 
 " The wave's vibrations this transmits 
 On to the incus bone, 
 {Incus means anvil, which it hits), 
 
 And this transfers the tone 
 To the small os orbiculare, 
 The tiniest bone that people carry. 
 
 " The staj)es next — the name, recalls 
 A stirrup's form, my daughter — 
 Joins three half-circular canals, 
 
 Each filled with limpid water; 
 Their curious lining, you'll observe, 
 Made of the auditory nerve. 
 
 ** This vibrates next — and then we find 
 
 The mystic work is crowned ; 
 For then my daughter's gentle Mind 
 
 First recognizes sound. 
 See what a host of causes swell 
 To make up what you call ' the Bell.' " 
 
 Awhile she paused, my bright Louise, 
 
 And pondered on the case ; 
 Then, settling that he meant to teaze, 
 
 She slapped her father's face. 
 "You bad old man, to sit and tell 
 
 Such gibberygosh about a Bell !" 
 
240 THE HUMORS OF VERSIFICATION. 
 
 SIR TRAY: AN ARTHURIAN IDYL. 
 
 The widowed Dame of Hubbard's ancient line 
 Turned to her cupboard, cornered anglewise 
 Betwixt this wall and that, in quest of aught 
 To satisfy the craving of Sir Tray, 
 Prick-eared companion of her solitude, 
 Red-spotted, dirty white, and bare of rib, 
 Who followed at her high and pattering heels, 
 Prayer in his eye, prayer in his slinking gait, 
 Prayer in his pendulous pulsating tail. 
 Wide on its creaking jaws revolved the door, 
 The cupboard yawned, deep-throated, thinly set 
 For teeth, with bottles, ancient canisters, 
 And plates of various pattern, blue or white ; 
 Deep in the void she thrust her hooked nose 
 Peering near-sighted for the wished-for bone, 
 Whiles her short robe of samite, tilted high, 
 The thrifty darnings of her hose revealed ; — 
 The pointed feature travelled o'er the delf 
 Greasing its tip, but bone or bread found none 
 Wherefore Sir Tray abode still dinnerless, 
 Licking his paws beneath the spinning-wheel, 
 And meditating much on savoury meats. 
 
 Meanwhile the Dame in high-backed chair reposed 
 Revolving many memories, for she gazed 
 Down from her lattice on the self-same path 
 Whereby Sir Lancelot 'mid the reapers rode 
 When Arthur held his court in Camelot, 
 And she was called the Lady of Shalott 
 And, later, where Sir Hubbard, meekest knight 
 Of all the Table Round, was wont to pass, 
 And to her casement glint the glance of love. 
 (For all the tale of how she floated dead 
 Between the city walls, and how the Court 
 Gazed on her corpse, was of illusion framed, 
 And shadows raised by Merlin's magic art, 
 Ere Vivien shut him up within the oak.) 
 There stood the wheel whereat she spun her thread; 
 But of the magic mirror nought remained 
 Save one small fragment on the mantelpiece, 
 Reflecting her changed features night and morn. 
 
 But now the inward yearnings of Sir Tray 
 Grew pressing, and in hollow rumblings spake, 
 
THE HUMORS OP VERSIFICATION. 241 
 
 As in tempestuous nights the Northern seas 
 
 Within their cavern cliffs reverberate. 
 
 This touched her : " I have marked of yore/' she said, 
 
 " When on my palfry I have paced along 
 
 The streets of Camelot, while many a knight 
 
 Ranged at my rein and thronged upon my steps, 
 
 Wending in pride towards the tournament, 
 
 A wight who many kinds of bread purveyed — 
 
 Muffins, and crumpets, matutinal rolls, 
 
 And buns which buttered, soothe at evensong; 
 
 To him I'll hie me ere my purpose cool, 
 
 And swift returning, bear a loaf with me, 
 
 And (for my teeth be tender grown, and like 
 
 Celestial visits, few and far between) 
 
 The crust shall be for Tray, the crumb for me." 
 
 This spake she; from their peg reached straightway down 
 
 Her cloak of sanguine hue, and pointed hat 
 
 From the flat brim upreared like pyramid 
 
 On sands Egyptian where the Pharaohs sleep, 
 
 Her ebon-handled staff (sole palfry now) 
 
 Grasped firmly, and so issued swiftly forth ; 
 
 Yet ere she closed the latch her cat Elaine, 
 
 The lily kitten reared at Astolat, 
 
 Slipped through and mewing passed to greet Sir Tray. 
 
 Returning ere the shadows eastward fell, 
 She placed a porringer upon the board, 
 And shred the crackling crusts with liberal hand, 
 Nor noted how Elaine did seem to wail, 
 Rubbing against her hose, and mourning round 
 Sir Tray, who lay all prone upon the hearth. 
 Then on the bread she poured the mellow milk — 
 " Sleep'st thou ?" she said, and touched him with her staff; 
 "What, ho ! thy dinner waits thee !" But Sir Tray 
 Stirred not nor breathed : thereat, alarmed, she seized 
 And drew the hinder leg : the carcase moved 
 All over wooden like a piece of wood — 
 " Dead ?" said the Dame, while louder wailed Elaine ; 
 " I see," she said, " thy fasts were all too long, 
 Thy commons all too short, which shortened thus 
 Thy days, tho' thou mightst still have cheered mine age 
 Had I but timelier to the city wonned. 
 Thither I must again, and that right soon, 
 For now 'tis meet we lap thee in a shroud, 
 
 21 
 
242 THE HUMORS OF VERSIFICATION. 
 
 And lay thee in the vault by Astolat, 
 
 Where faithful Tray shall by Sir Hubbard lie." 
 
 Up a by-lane the Undertaker dwelt; 
 There day by day he plied his merry trade, 
 And all his undertakings undertook : 
 Erst knight of Arthur's Court, Sir Waldgrave hight, 
 A gruesome carle who hid his jests in gloom, 
 And schooled his lid to counterfeit a tear. 
 With cheerful hammer he a coffin tapt, 
 While hollow, hollow, hollow, rang the wood, 
 v And, as he sawed and hammered, thus he sang : — 
 
 Wood, hammer, nails, ye build a house for him, 
 Nails, hammer, wood, ye build a house for me, 
 Paying the rent, the taxes, and the rates. 
 
 I plant a human acorn in the ground, 
 
 And therefrom straightway springs a goodly tree, 
 
 Budding for me in bread and beer and beef. 
 
 Life, dost thou bring Death or Death bring thee? 
 Which of the twain is bringer, which the brought? 
 Since men must die that other men may live. 
 
 Death, for me thou plump'st thine hollow cheeks, 
 Mak'st of thine antic grin a pleasant smile, 
 And prank'st full gaily in thy winding sheet. 
 
 This ditty sang he to a doleful tune 
 
 To outer ears it sounded like a dirge, 
 
 Or wind that wails across the fields of death. 
 
 'Ware of a visitor, he ceased his strain, 
 
 But still did ply his saw industrious. 
 
 With withered hand on ear, Dame Hubbard stood ,• 
 
 "Vex not mine ears," she grated, "with thine old 
 
 And creaking saw !" "I deemed," he said, and sighed, 
 
 " Old saws might please thee, as they should the wise." 
 
 "Know," said the Dame, "Sir Tray that with me dwelt 
 
 Lies on my lonely hearthstone stark and stiff; 
 
 Wagless the tail that waved to welcome me." — 
 
 Here Waldgrave interposed sepulchral tones, 
 
 "Oft have I noted, when the jest went round, 
 
 Sad 'twas to see the wag forget his tale — 
 
 Sadder to see the tail forget its wag." 
 
 "Wherefore," resumed she, "take of fitting stuff, 
 
 And make therewith a narrow house for him." 
 
 Quoth he, " From yonder deal I'll plane the bark, 
 
THE HUMORS OF VERSIFICATION. 243 
 
 So 'twill of Tray be emblematical; 
 
 For thou, 'tis plain, must lose a deal of bark, 
 
 Since he nor bark nor bite shall practice more." 
 
 "And take thou, too," she said, "a coffin-plate, 
 
 And be his birth and years inscribed thereon 
 
 With letters twain * S. T.' to mark Sir Tray, 
 
 So shall the tomb be known in after time." 
 
 "This, too," quoth Waldgrave, "shall be deftly done; 
 
 Oft hath the plate been freighted with his bones, 
 
 But now his bones must lie beneath the plate." 
 
 " Jest'st thou?" Dame Hubbard said, and clutched her crutch, 
 
 For ill she brooked light parlance of the dead; 
 
 But when she saw Sir Waldgrave, how his face 
 
 Was all drawn downward, till the curving mouth 
 
 Seemed a horseshoe, while o'er the furrowed cheek 
 
 A wandering tear stole on, like rivulet 
 
 In dry ravine down mother Ida's side, 
 
 She changed her purpose, smote not, lowered the staff; — 
 
 So parted, faring homeward with her grief. 
 
 Nearing her bower, it seemed a sepulchre 
 Sacred to memory, and almost she thought 
 A dolorous cry arose, as if Elaine 
 Did sound a caterwauling requiem. 
 With hesitating hand she raised the latch, 
 And on the threshold with reluctant foot 
 Lingered, as loath to face the scene of woe, 
 When lo ! the body lay not on the hearth, 
 For there Elaine her flying tail pursued, — 
 In the Dame's chair Sir Tray alive did sit, 
 A world of merry meaning in his eye, 
 And all his face agrin from ear to ear. 
 
 Like one who late hath lost his dearest friend, 
 And in his sleep doth see that friend again, 
 And marvels scaree to see him, putting forth 
 A clasping hand, and feels him warm with life, 
 And so takes up his friendship's broken thread — 
 Thus stood the Dame, thus ran she, pattering o'er 
 The sanded tiles, and clasped she thus Sir Tray, 
 Unheeding of the grief his jest had wrought 
 For joy he was not numbered with the dead. 
 
 Anon the Dame, her primal transports o'er, 
 Bethought her of the wisdom of Sir Tray, 
 And his fine wit, and then it shameful seemed 
 That he bareheaded 'neath the sky should go 
 
244 THE HUMORS OF VERSIFICATION. 
 
 While empty skulls of fools went thatched and roofed; 
 
 "A hat," she cried, "would better fit those brows 
 
 Than many a courtier's that I've wotted of; 
 
 And thou shalt have one, an' my tender toes 
 
 On which the corns do shoot, and these my knees 
 
 Wherethro' rheumatic twinges swiftly dart, 
 
 Will bear me to the city yet again, 
 
 And thou shalt wear the hat as Arthur wore 
 
 The Dragon of the great Pendragonship." 
 
 Whereat Sir Tray did seem to smile, and smote 
 
 Upon the chair-back with approving tail. 
 
 Then up she rose, and to the Hatter's went, — 
 "Hat me," quoth she, "your very newest hat;" 
 And so they hatted her, and she returned 
 Home through the darksome wold, and raised the latch, 
 And marked, full lighted by the ingle-glow, 
 Sir Tray, with spoon in hand, and cat on knee, 
 Spattering the mess about the chaps of Puss. 
 
 THE OLOGIES. 
 
 We're going to begin with an ample Apology; 
 You'll end, we are sure, by a hearty Doxology, 
 If, all undeterred by our strange Phraseology, 
 You chose to sit down to a dish of Tautology. 
 
 One's pestered in these days by so many 'ologies, 
 We thought we would fain see the tale of our foes; 
 
 A niche of your own in the new Martyrologies 
 You'd earn if you'd only go halves in our woes. 
 
 We'v counted some forty ! but how many more 
 
 there are, 
 We're even now wholly unable to say; 
 We fear that at least the same number in store 
 
 there are, 
 You'll say we have found quite enough for one day. 
 
 "So now for our Catalogue : first comes Anthology — 
 A bouquet of flowers, a budget of rhymes ; 
 That's pleasant — not so the next, called Anthropology, 
 The science of man in all ages and climes. 
 
THE HUMORS OF VERSIFICATION. 245 
 
 "Then comes a most useful pursuit, Arachnology; 
 
 They're bipeds, the spiders who weave the worst webs; 
 But when one is asked to go in for Astrology, 
 And Zadkiel! one's courage most rapidly ebbs. 
 
 " The next on our roster is old Archaeology, 
 A science that's lately been much in repute; 
 One can't say as much for Electro-biology, 
 Which now-o'-days no one seems ever to bruit. 
 
 "But none can afford to make light of Chronology, 
 Tho' ladies are apt to be dark upon dates; 
 We most of us make rather light of Conchology 
 Except when the oyster-shell gapes on our plates. 
 
 " The Devil's deposed they say, and Demonology 
 Would certainly seem to have gone to the De'il; 
 Some savants, like Hooker, still swallow Dendrology, 
 But tree-names are somewhat too tough for my meal. 
 
 u The parsons are great upon Ecclesiology, 
 And prate about proper pyramidal piles ; 
 Few travelers, care to neglect Entomology, 
 Their wakefulness often its study beguiles. 
 
 "'Twould take you a life-time to learn Etymology, 
 And dabblers get into most marvellous scrapes; 
 And Huxley would tell you as much of Ethnology, — 
 * Who really believes we are cousins of apes? 
 
 "Dean Buckland it was who first started Geology, 
 And traced the rock pedigrees, fixing their ranks; 
 And Frank has of late taken up Ichthyology, 
 The salmon already have voted him thanks. 
 
 "Von Humboldt had fairly exhausted Kosmology, 
 But Nature 's a quite inexhaustible mine ; 
 Napoleon has fulfilled a new Martyrology, 
 
 Imbrued with the purest blue-blood of the Rhine. 
 
 "We all of us thought we were deep in Mythology, 
 Till Cox and Max Miiller both deepened its well; 
 Our sons may learn something of Meteorology — 
 The weather our prophets all fail to foretell. 
 
 "The study of life is bound up with Necrology, 
 And we shall have one day to enter its lists, — 
 And furnish some specimens for Osteology, 
 The science of bones, on which Owen exists. 
 21* 
 
246 THE HUMORS OP VERSIFICATION. 
 
 "At breakfast we're seldom averse to Oology, 
 
 Or lunch, when the plovers are pleased to lay eggs; 
 But then one would bar embryonic Ontology, 
 
 Preferring fowls full-grown with breast, wings, and legs! 
 
 "For oh! we decidedly like Ornithology 
 
 And chiefly the study of grouse on the wing; 
 We'd leave it to doctors to study Pathology; 
 The study of pain is a troublesome thing. 
 
 " We all of us need a small dose of Philology, 
 If caring to make the best use of our tongues; 
 A careful attention to strict Phraseology 
 Involves a most notable saving of lungs. 
 
 "The study of heads has been christened Phrenology, 
 Professors would call it the study of brain ; 
 But take my advice, and avoid Pneumatology, 
 For spirits are apt to treat brains with disdain. 
 
 " For much the same reason, we'd banish Psychology, — 
 What savant can give an account of his soul ? 
 And if we could only abolish Theology, 
 
 The parsons alone would be hard to console! 
 
 "If ever you happened to study Splanchnology, 
 You'd know what it is theologians lack, — 
 Inquisitors never complain of Tautology, 
 So long as rank heretics roar on the rack. 
 
 "And now is the time to strike up your Doxology, 
 For we would no longer detain you, my friend; — 
 On Sunday we all have a turn for Zoology, 
 So here is our Catalogue come to an end." 
 
 THE VARIATION HUMBUG. 
 
 The London Charivari thinks that there is more humbug 
 talked, printed, and practiced in reference to music than to 
 anything else in the world, except politics. And of all the 
 musical humbugs extant it occurs to Mr. Punch that the 
 variation humbug is the greatest. This party has not even 
 the sense to invent a tune for himself, but takes else's, and 
 starting therefrom, as an acrobat leaps from a spring-board, 
 
THE HUMORS OF VERSIFICATION. 247 
 
 jumps himself into a musical reputation on the strength of 
 the other party's ideas. Mr. Punch wonders what would be 
 thought of a poet who should try to make himself renown by 
 this kind of thing — taking a well-known poem of a prede- 
 cessor and doing variations on it after this fashion : — 
 
 BUGGINS' VARIATIONS ON THE BUSY BEE. 
 
 How doth the Little Busy Bee 
 
 Improve each shining hour, 
 And gather honey all the day 
 
 From every opening flower, 
 
 From every opening flower, flower, flower, 
 
 That sparkles in a breezy bower, 
 
 And gives its sweetness to the shower, 
 
 Exhaling scent of gentle power, 
 
 That lasts on kerchief many an hour, 
 
 And is a lady's graceful dower, 
 
 Endeared alike to cot and tower, 
 Round which the Little Busy Bee 
 
 Improves each shining hour, 
 And gathers honey all the day 
 
 From every opening flower, 
 
 From every opening flower, flower, flower, 
 
 From every opening flower. 
 
 How skillfully she builds her cell, 
 
 How neat she spreads her wax, 
 And labors hard to store it well, 
 
 With the sweet food she makes, 
 
 With the sweet food she makes, 
 
 With the sweet food she makes, makes, makes, 
 
 When rising just as morning breaks, 
 
 The dewdrop from the leaf she shakes, 
 
 And oft the sleeping moth she wakes, 
 
 And diving through the flower she takes, 
 
 The honey with her fairy rakes, 
 
 And in her cell the same she cakes, 
 
 Or sports across the silver lakes, 
 
 Beside her children, for whose sakes 
 How skillfully she builds her cell, 
 
 How neat she spreads her wax, 
 And labors hard to store it well, 
 
 With the sweet food she makes. 
 
248 THE HUMORS OF VERSIFICATION. 
 
 In works of labor or of skill, 
 
 I would be busy too, 
 For Satan finds some mischief still 
 
 For idle hands to do, 
 
 For idle hands to do, 
 
 For idle hands to do, do, do. 
 
 Things whicb tbereafter they will rue, 
 
 When Justice fiercely doth pursue, 
 
 Or conscience raises cry and hue, 
 
 And evil-doers look quite blue, 
 
 When Peelers run with loud halloo, 
 
 And magistrates put on the screw, 
 
 And then the wretch exclaims, Boo-hoo, 
 In works of labor or of skill 
 
 I wish I'd busied too, 
 For Satan's found much mischief still, 
 
 For my two hands to do. 
 
 There ! Would a poet get much reputation for these variations, which 
 are much better in their way than most of those built upon tunes ? Would 
 the poetical critics come out, as the musical critics do, with "Upon Watts' 
 marble foundation Buggins has raised a sparkling alabaster palace;" or, 
 " The old-fashioned Watts has been brought into new honor by the etin- 
 cellant Buggins ; " or " We love the old tune, but we have room in our 
 hearts for the fairy-like fountains of bird-song which Buggins has bid 
 start from it? " Mr. Punch has an idea that Buggins would have no such 
 luck ; the moral to be deduced from which fact is, that a musical prig is 
 luckier than a poetical prig. 
 
 REITERATIVE VOCAL MUSIC. 
 
 A well-known reviewer, in an article on Hymnology, 
 says : — 
 
 Who could endure to hear and sing hymns, the meaning 
 and force of which he really felt — set, as they frequently have 
 been, to melodies from the Opera, and even worse, or massa- 
 cred by the repetition of the end of each stanza, no matter 
 whether or not the grammar and sense were consistent with it. 
 Take such memorable cases of incongruity as : — 
 
 "My poor pol — 
 My pool pol — 
 My poor polluted heart." 
 
THE HUMORS OF VERSIFICATION. 249 
 
 To which he might have added from Dr. Watts : — 
 
 "And see Sal — see Sal — see Salvation nigh." 
 
 Or this to the same common metre tune, " Miles's Lane" : — 
 
 " Where my Sal — my Sal — my Salvation stands." 
 
 Or this when sung to "Job": — \ 
 
 "And love thee Bet — 
 And love thee better than before." 
 
 Or— 
 
 " Stir up this stu — 
 Stir up this stupid heart to pray." 
 
 Or this crowning absurdity : — 
 
 "And more eggs — more eggs — more exalts our joys." 
 
 This to the tune of " Aaron " 7's: — 
 
 " With thy Benny— 
 With thy benediction seal." 
 
 This has recently been added in a fashionable metropolitan 
 
 church : — 
 
 " And take thy pil — 
 And take thy pilgrim home." 
 
 And further havoc is made with language and sense thus : — 
 
 " Before his throne we bow — wow — wow — ow — wow." 
 And — » 
 
 " I love to steal 
 I love to steal — awhile away." 
 
 And— 
 
 " 0, for a man — 
 0, for a mansion in the skies." 
 
 To which we may add : — 
 
 "And we'll catch the flea — 
 
 . And we'll catch the flee— ee — eeting hour." 
 
 Two trebles sing, "And learn to kiss"; two trebles and alto, 
 "And learn to kiss"; two trebles, alto, and tenor, "And learn 
 to kiss"; the bass, solus, "the rod." 
 
 This is sung to a tune called " Boyce": — 
 " Thou art my bull— 
 Thou art my bulwark and defence." 
 
250 THE HUMORS OP VERSIFICATION. 
 
 THE CURSE OP o'KELLY. 
 
 Carmac O'Kelly, the celebrated Irish harper, went to 
 Doneraile, in the county of Cork,, where his watch was 
 pilfered from his fob. This so roused his ire that he cele- 
 brated the people in the following unexampled " string of 
 curses : " — 
 
 Alas! how dismal is my tale, 
 
 I lost my watch in Doneraile, 
 
 My Dublin watch, my chain and seal, 
 
 Pilfered at once in Doneraile. 
 
 May fire and brimstone never fail 
 
 To fall in showers on Doneraile ; 
 
 May all the leading fiends assail 
 
 The thieving town of Doneraile. 
 
 As lightnings flash across the vale, 
 
 So down to hell with Doneraile; 
 
 The fate of Pompey at Pharsale, 
 
 Be that the curse of Doneraile. 
 
 May beef or mutton, lamb or veal, 
 
 Be never found in Doneraile, 
 
 But garlic soup and scurvy kale, 
 
 Be still the food for Doneraile, 
 
 And forward as the creeping snail, 
 
 Industry be at Doneraile. 
 
 May Heaven a chosen curse entail, 
 
 On ragged, rotten Doneraile. 
 
 May sun and moon forever fail 
 
 To beam their lights on Doneraile; 
 
 May every pestilential gale 
 
 Blast that cursed spot called Donerailej 
 
 May no sweet cuckoo, thrush or quail 
 
 Be ever heard in Doneraile ; 
 
 May patriots, kings, and commonweal 
 
 Despise and harass Doneraile; 
 
 May every post, gazette and mail, 
 
 Sad tidings bring of Doneraile ; 
 
 May vengeance fall on head and tail, 
 
 From north to south of Doneraile 
 
 May profit small, and tardy sale, 
 
 Still damp the trade of Doneraile : 
 
 May fame resound a dismal tale, 
 
 Whene'er she lights on Doneraile ; 
 
THE HUMORS OF VERSIFICATION. 251 
 
 May Egypt's plagues at once prevail, 
 
 To thin the knaves at Doneraile ; 
 
 May frost and snow, and sleet and hail, 
 
 Benumb each joint in Doneraile; 
 
 May wolves and bloodhounds race and trail 
 
 The cursed crew of Doneraile; 
 
 May Oscar with his fiery flail 
 
 To atoms thrash all Doneraile; 
 
 May every mischief, fresh and stale, 
 
 May all from Belfast to Kinsale, 
 
 Scoff, curse and damn you, Doneraile. 
 
 May neither flour nor oatmeal, 
 
 Be found or known in Doneraile ; 
 
 May want and woe each joy curtail, 
 
 That e'er was known in Doneraile; 
 
 May no one coffin want a nail, 
 
 That wraps a rogue in Doneraile ; 
 
 May all the thieves who rob and steal, 
 
 The gallows meet in Doneraile ; 
 
 May all the sons of Gramaweal, 
 
 Blush at the thieves of Doneraile ; 
 
 May mischief big as Norway whale, 
 
 O'erwhelm the knaves of Doneraile; 
 
 May curses whole and by retail, 
 
 Pour with full force on Doneraile ; 
 
 May every transport wont to sail, 
 
 A convict bring from Doneraile; 
 
 May every churn and milking-pail 
 
 Fall dry to staves in Doneraile; 
 
 May cold and hunger still congeal, 
 
 The stagnant blood of Doneraile; 
 
 May every hour new woes reveal, 
 
 That hell reserves for Doneraile; 
 
 May every chosen ill prevail 
 
 O'er all the imps of Doneraile; 
 
 May th' inquisition straight impale, 
 
 The Rapparees of Doneraile; 
 
 May curse of Sodom now prevail, 
 
 And sink to ashes Doneraile; 
 
 May Charon's boat triumphant sail, 
 
 Completely manned from Doneraile; 
 
 Oh ! may my couplet never fail 
 
 To find new curse for Doneraile ; 
 
 And may grim Pluto's inner jail 
 
 Forever groan with Doneraile. 
 
252 HIBERNIANA. 
 
 f^tiermana. 
 
 Maria Edgeworth, in her Essay on Irish Bulls, remarks 
 that "the difficulty of selecting from the vulgar herd a bull 
 that shall be entitled to the prize, from the united merits of 
 pre-eminent absurdity and indisputable originality, is greater 
 than hasty judges may imagine." 
 
 Very true ; but if the prize were offered for a batch of Irish 
 diamonds, we think the following copy of a letter written dur- 
 ing the Rebellion, by S , an Irish member of Parliament, 
 
 to his friend in London, would present the strongest claim : — 
 
 " My dear Sir : — Having now a little peace and quietness, I 
 sit down to inform you of the dreadful bustle and confusion we 
 are in from these blood-thirsty rebels, most of whom are (thank 
 God !) killed and dispersed. We are in a pretty mess ; can get 
 nothing to eat, nor wine to drink, except whiskey; and when 
 we sit down to dinner, we are obliged to keep both hands 
 armed. Whilst I write this, I hold a pistol in each hand and 
 a sword in the other. I concluded in the beginning that this 
 would be the end of it ; and I see I was right, for it is not 
 half over yet. At present there are such goings on, that every 
 thing is at a stand still. I should have answered your letter a 
 fortnight ago, but I did not receive it till this morning. Indeed, 
 hardly a mail arrives safe without being robbed. No longer 
 ago than yesterday the coach with the mails from Dublin was 
 robbed near this town : the bags had been judiciously left be- 
 hind for fear of accident, and by good luck there was nobody 
 in it but two outside passengers who had nothing for thieves to 
 take. Last Thursday notice was given that a gang of rebels 
 were advancing here under the French standard; but they had 
 no colors, nor any drums except bagpipes. Immediately every 
 man in the place, including women and children, ran out to 
 meet them. We soon found our force much too little ; and we 
 were far too near to think of retreating. Death was in every 
 
HIBERNIANA. 253 
 
 face ; but to it we went, and by the time half our little party 
 were killed we began to be all alive again. Fortunately, the 
 rebels had no guns,' except pistols, cutlasses, and pikes ; and as 
 we had plenty of guns and ammunition, we put them all to the 
 sword. Not a soul of them escaped, except some that were 
 drowned in an adjacent bog; and in a very short time nothing 
 was to be heard but silence. Their uniforms were all different 
 colors, but mostly green. After the action, we went to rum- 
 mage a sort of camp which they had left behind them. All 
 we found was a few pikes without heads, a parcel of empty 
 bottles full of water, and a bundle of French commissions 
 filled up with Irish names. Troops are now stationed all around 
 the country, which exactly squares with my ideas. I have only 
 time to add that I am in great haste. 
 
 "Yours truly, . 
 
 "P. S. — If you do not receive this, of course it must have 
 miscarried : therefore I beg you will write and let me know." 
 
 Miss Edgeworth says, further, that " many bulls, reputed to 
 be bred and born in Ireland, are of foreign extraction ; and 
 many more, supposed to be unrivalled in their kind, may be 
 matched in all their capital points." To prove this, she cites 
 numerous examples of well-known bulls, with their foreign pro- 
 totypes, not only English and Continental, but even Oriental and 
 ancient. Among the parallels of familiar bulls to be found 
 nearer our American home since the skillful defender of Erin's 
 naivete wrote her Essay, one of the best is an economical 
 method of erecting a new jail : — 
 
 The following resolutions were passed by the Board of Coun 
 oilmen in Canton, Mississippi : — 
 
 1. Resolved, by this Council, that we build a new Jail. 
 
 2. Resolved, that the new Jail be built out of the materials 
 of the old Jail. 
 
 3. Resolved, that the old Jail be used until the new Jail is 
 finished. 
 
 22 
 
254 HIBERNIANA. 
 
 It was a Frenchman who, in making a classified catalogue 
 of books, placed Miss Edgeworth's Essay in the list of works 
 on Natural History ; and it was a Scotchman who, having 
 purchased a copy of it, pronounced her " a puir silly body, to 
 write a book on bulls, and no ane word o' horned cattle in it a', 
 forbye the bit beastie [the vignette] at the beginning." Exam- 
 ples from the common walks of life and from periodical litera- 
 ture may readily be multiplied to show that these phraseologi- 
 cal peculiarities are not to be exclusively attributed to Ireland. 
 But if we adopt Coleridge's definition, which is, that " a bull 
 consists in a mental juxtaposition of incongruous ideas, with 
 the sensation, but without the sense, of connection," we shall 
 find frequent instances of its occurrence among standard au- 
 thors. Take the following blunders, for examples : — 
 
 Adam, the goodliest man of men since born 
 His sons — the fairest of her daughters, Eve. 
 
 Milton's Paradise Lost. 
 The loveliest pair 
 That ever since in love's embraces met. — lb. B. iv. 
 
 Swift, being an Irishman, of course abounds in blunders, 
 some of them of the most ludicrous character; but we should 
 hardly expect to find in the elegant Addison, the model of 
 classical English, such a singular inaccuracy as the following: — 
 
 So the pure limpid stream, when foul with stains 
 Of rushing torrents and descending rains. — Goto. 
 
 He must have seen in a blaze of blinding light (this is "ip- 
 sis Hibernis Hibernior") the vanity and evil, the folly and 
 madness, of the worldly or selfish, and the grandeur and truth 
 of the disinterested and Christian life. — Gilfillan's Bards of 
 the Bible. 
 
 The real and peculiar magnificence of St. Petersburgh con- 
 sists in thus sailing apparently upon the bosom of the ocean f 
 into a city of palaces. — Sedgwick's Letters from the Baltic. 
 
 The astonished Yahoo, smoking, as well as he could, a cigar, 
 with which he had filed all his pockets. — Warrer's Ten Thou- 
 sand a Tear. 
 
HIBERNIANA. 255 
 
 The following specimens are from the works of Dr. John- 
 son : — 
 
 Every monumental* inscription should be in Latin; for that 
 being a dead language, it will always live. 
 
 Nor yet perceived the vital spirit fled, 
 
 But still fought on, nor knew that he was dead* 
 
 Shakspeare has not only shown human nature as it is, but as 
 it would be found in situations to which it cannot he exposed. 
 
 Turn from the glittering bribe your scornful eye, 
 Nor sell for gold what gold can never buy. 
 
 These observations were made by favor of a contrary wind. 
 The next two are from Pope : — 
 
 Eight callow in/ants filled the mossy nest, 
 Herself the ninth. 
 
 When first young Maro, in his noble mind, 
 A work t' outlast immortal Home designed. 
 
 Shakspeare says, — 
 
 I will strive with things impossible, 
 
 Yea, get the better of them. — Julius Csesar, ii. 1. 
 
 A horrid silence first invades the ear. — Dryden. 
 
 Beneath a mountain's brow, the most remote 
 
 And inaccessible by shepherds trod. — Home : Douglass. 
 
 In the Irish Bank-bill passed by Parliament in June, 1808, 
 is a clause providing that the profits shall be equally divided 
 and the residue go to the Governor. 
 
 Sir Richard Steele, being asked why his countrymen were 
 so addicted to making bulls, said he believed there must be 
 something in the air of Ireland, adding, "I dare say if an 
 Englishman were born there he would do the same." 
 
 Mr. Cunningham, to whom we are indebted for the interest- 
 ing notes to Johnson's " Lives of the Poets," pronounces his 
 author the most distinguished of his cotemporaries. 
 
256 HIBERNTANA. 
 
 Sir "Walter Scott perpetrates a curious blunder in one of his 
 novels, in making certain of his characters behold a sunset over 
 the waters of a seaport on the eastern coast of Scotland. 
 
 The following occurs in Dr. Latham's English Language. 
 Speaking of the genitive or possessive case, he says, — 
 
 " In the plural number, however, it is rare ; so rare, indeed, 
 that whenever the plural ends in s (as it always does) there is 
 no genitive." 
 
 Byron says,— L 
 
 I stood in Venice on the Bridge of Sighs, 
 A pajace and a prison on each hand. 
 (He meant a palace on one hand, and a prison on the other.) 
 
 Dr. Johnson, in his Dictionary, defines a garret as " a room 
 on the highest floor in the house," and a cock-loft as " the 
 room over the garret." 
 
 For the sake of comparison, we recur to the favorite pasture 
 of the genuine thorough-bred animal : — 
 
 An Irish member of Parliament, speaking of a certain min- 
 ister's well-known love of money, observed, " Let not the hon- 
 orable member express a contempt for money, — for if there is 
 any one office that glitters in the eyes of the honorable member, 
 it is that of purse-bearer : a pension to him is a compendium 
 of all the cardinal virtues. All his statesmanship is compre- 
 hended in the art of taxing; and for good, better, and best, in 
 the scale of human nature, he invariably reads pence, shillings, 
 and pounds. I verily believe," continued the orator, rising to 
 the height of his conception, " that if the honorable gentleman 
 were an undertaker, it would be the delight of his heart to see 
 all mankind seized with a common mortality, that he might 
 have the benefit of the general burial, and provide scarfs and 
 hat-bands for the survivors." 
 
 The manager of a provincial theatre, finding upon one occa- 
 sion but three persons in attendance, made the following ad- 
 dress : — " Ladies and gentlemen — as there is nobody here, I'll 
 dismiss you all. The performances of this night will not be 
 performed ) but they will be repeated to-morrow evening." 
 
HIBERNIANA. .257 
 
 A Hibernian gentleman, when told by his nephew that he 
 had just entered college with a view to the church, said, "I 
 hope that I may live to hear you preach my funeral sermon." 
 
 An Irishman, quarrelling with an Englishman, told him if he 
 didn't hold his tongue, he would break his impenetrable head, 
 and let the brains out of his empty skull. 
 
 " My dear, come in and go to bed,*' said the wife of a jolly 
 son of Erin, who had just returned from the fair in a de- 
 cidedly how-come-you-so state: "you must be dreadful tired, 
 sure, with your long walk of six miles." u Arrah ! get away 
 with your nonsense," said Pat : " it wasn't the length of the way, 
 at all, that fatigued me : 'twas the breadth of it." 
 
 A poor Irishman offered an old saucepan for sale. His chil- 
 dren gathered around him and inquired why he parted with it. 
 " Ah, me honeys," he answered, " I would not be afther part- 
 ing with it but for a little money to buy something to put in it." 
 
 A young Irishman who had married when about nineteen 
 years of age, complaining of the difficulties to which his early 
 marriage subjected him, said he would never marry so young 
 again if he lived to be as ould as Methuselah. 
 
 In an Irish provincial paper is the following notice : — 
 Whereas Patrick O'Connor lately left his lodgings, this is to 
 give notice that if he does not return immediately and pay for 
 the same, he will be advertised. 
 
 " Has your sister got a son or a daughter ?" asked an Irish- 
 man of a friend. " Upon my life," was the reply, " I don't 
 know yet whether I'm an uncle or aunt." 
 
 " I was going," said an Irishman, "over Westminster Bridge 
 the other day, and I met Pat Hewins. ' Hewins,' says I, ( how 
 are you?' < Pretty well/ says he, ' thank you, Donnelly.' 
 1 Donnelly !' says I : l that's not my name/ ' Faith, no more is 
 mine Hewins,' says he. So we looked at each other again, and 
 sure it turned out to be nayther of us ; and where's the bull 
 of that, now ?" 
 
 R . 22* 
 
258 HIBERNIANA. 
 
 "India, my boy," said an Irish officer to a friend on his 
 arrival at Calcutta, " is the finest climate under the sun ; but a 
 lot of young fellows come out here and they drink and they eat, 
 and they drink and they die: and then they write home to 
 their parents a pack of lies, and say it's the climate that has 
 killed them/' 
 
 In the perusal of a very solid book on the progress of the 
 ecclesiastical differences of Ireland, written by a native of that 
 country, after a good deal of tedious and vexatious matter, the 
 reader's complacency is restored by an artless statement how an 
 eminent person " abandoned the errors of the church of Rome, 
 and adopted those of the church of England." 
 
 Here is an American Hibernicism, which is entitled to full 
 recognition: — Among the things that Wells & Fargo's Express 
 is not responsible for as carriers is one couched in the following 
 language in their regulations: "Not for any loss or damage by 
 fire, the acts of God, or of Indians, or any other public enemies 
 of the government. 11 
 
 George Selwyn once declared in company that a lady could 
 not write a letter without adding a postscript. A lady present 
 replied, " The next letter that you receive from me, Mr. Selwyn, 
 will prove that you are wrong." Accordingly he received one 
 from her the next day, in which, after her signature was the 
 following : — 
 
 " P. S. Who is right, now, you or I ?" 
 
 The two subjoined parliamentary utterances are worthy to 
 
 have emanated from Sir Boyle Roche : — 
 
 * Mr. Speaker, I boldly answer in the affirmative — No." 
 
 "Mr. Speaker, if I have any prejudice against the honorable member, 
 
 it is in his favor." 
 
 A PAIR OF BULLS. 
 
 When my lord he came wooing to Miss Ann Thrope, 
 
 He was then a " Childe" from school; 
 He paid his addresses in a trope, 
 
 And called her his sweet bul-bul; 
 But she knew not, in the modern scale, 
 
 That a couple of bulls was a nightingale. 
 
BLUNDERS. 259 
 
 SLIPS OP THE PRESS. 
 
 Lord Brougham was fond of relating an instance which was 
 no joke to the victim of it. A bishop, at one of his country 
 visitations, found occasion to complain of the deplorable state of 
 a certain church, the roof of which was evidently anything but 
 water-tight; after rating those concerned for their neglect, his 
 lordship finished by declaring emphatically that he would not 
 visit the damp old church again until it was put in decent 
 order. His horror may be imagined when he discovered him- 
 self reported in the local journal as having declared: "I shall 
 not visit this damned old church again." The bishop lost no 
 time in calling the editor's attention to the mistake ; whereupon 
 that worthy set himself right with his readers by stating that 
 he willingly gave publicity to his lordship's explanation, but he 
 had every confidence in the accuracy of his reporter. The 
 editor of an evening paper could hardly have had similar confi- 
 dence in his subordinate when the latter caused his journal to 
 record that a prisoner had .been sentenced to "four months im- 
 prisonment in the House of Commons!" In this case, we 
 fancy the reporter must have been in the same exhilarated con- 
 dition as his American brother, who ended his account of a city 
 banquet with the frank admission : " It is not distinctly remem- 
 bered by anybody present who made the last speech !" 
 
 In a poem on the " Milton Gallery," by Amos Cottle, the 
 poet, describing the pictures of Fuseli, says : — 
 
 " The lubber fiend outstretched the chimney near, 
 Or sad Ulysses on the larboard Steer." 
 
 Ulysses steered to the larboard to shun Charybdis, but the 
 compositor makes him get upon the back of the bullock, the left 
 one in the drove ! After all, however, he only interprets the 
 text literally. "Steer," as a substantive, has no other meaning 
 
260 ' BLUNDERS. 
 
 than bullock. The substantive of the verb " to steer" is steerage. 
 "He that hath the steerage of my course," says Shakspeare. 
 The compositor evidently understood that Ulysses rode an ox ; 
 he would hardly else have spelt Steer with a capital S. 
 
 The following paragraphs, intended to have been printed 
 separately, in a Paris evening paper, were by some blunder so 
 arranged that they read consecutively : — 
 
 Doctor X. has been appointed head physician to the Hospital 
 de la Charite. Orders have been issued by the authorities for 
 the immediate extension of the Cemetery of Mont Parnasse. 
 The works are being executed with the utmost dispatch. 
 
 The old story of Br. Mudge furnishes one of the most 
 curious cases of typographical accident on record. The Doctor 
 had been presented with a gold-headed cane, and the same week 
 a patent pig-killing and sausage-making machine had been tried 
 at a factory in the place of which he was pastor. The writer 
 of a report of the presentation, and a description of the 
 machine, for the local paper, is thus made to "mix things mis- 
 cellaneously:" — 
 
 " The inconsiderate Caxtonian who made up the forms of the 
 paper, got the two locals mixed up in a frightful manner ; and 
 when we went to press, something like this was the appalling 
 result: Several of the Rev. Dr. Mudge's friends called upon 
 him yesterday, and after a brief conversation, the unsuspicious 
 pig was seized by the hind legs, and slid along a beam until he 
 reached the hot water tank. His friends explained the object 
 of their visit, and presented him with a very handsome gold- 
 headed butcher, who grabbed him by the tail, swung him 
 round, slit his throat from ear to ear, and in less than a minute 
 the carcass was in the water. Thereupon he came forward, and 
 said that there were times when the feelings overpowered one; 
 and for that reason he would not attempt to do more than 
 thank those around him for the manner in which such a huge 
 animal was cut into fragments was simply astonishing. The 
 
BLUNDERS. 261 
 
 Doctor concluded his remarks when the machine seized him, 
 and in less time than it takes to write it, the pig was cut into 
 fragments and worked up into delicious sausages. The occasion 
 will long be remembered by the Doctor's friends as one of the 
 most delightful of their lives. The best pieces can be procured 
 for tenpence a pound ; and we are sure that those who have 
 sat so long under his ministry will rejoice that he has been 
 treated so handsomely." 
 
 SLIPS OF THE TELEGRAPH. 
 
 The Prior of the Dominican Monastery of Voreppe, in France, 
 recently received the following telegram: — "Father Ligier is 
 dead (est mort); we shall arrive by train to-morrow, at three. — 
 Laboree." The ecclesiastic, being convinced that the deceased, 
 who was highly esteemed in the locality, had selected it for his 
 last resting-place, made every preparation. A grave was dug, a 
 hearse provided, and with the monks, a sorrowing crowd waited 
 at the station for the train. It arrived, and, to the astonish- 
 ment of every one, the supposed defunct alighted, well and 
 hearty. The matter was soon explained. The reverend father, 
 returning from a visit to Rome, where he had been accompanied 
 by the priest Laboree, stopped to visit some monks at Saint- 
 Jean-de-Maurienne, and requested his companion to telegraph 
 the return to his monastery. The message sent was: "Father 
 Ligier and I (et moi) will arrive," &c. The clerks inadvertent- 
 ly changed the et moi into est mort, with what result has 
 already been told. 
 
 A firm in Cincinnati telegraphed to a correspondent in Cleve- 
 land, as follows: — "Cranberries rising. Send immediately one 
 hundred barrels per Simmons." Mr. Simmons was the agent 
 of the Cincinnati house. The telegraph ran the last two 
 words together, and shortly after, the firm were astonished to 
 find delivered at their store one hundred barrels of per- 
 simmons. 
 
262 BLUNDERS. 
 
 SERIAL" INCONSISTENCY. 
 
 In Mrs. Oliphant's interesting story of "Ombra," there is a 
 curious contradiction between the end of Chapter XLV. and 
 the beginning of Chapter XL VI. A domestic picture is given, 
 an interior, with the characters thus disposed : — 
 
 "One evening, when Kate was at home, and, as usual, ab- 
 stracted over a book in a corner ; when the Berties were in full 
 possession, one bending over Ombra at the piano, one talking 
 earnestly to her mother, Francesca suddenly threw the door 
 open, with a vehemence quite unusual to her, and without a 
 word of warning — without even the announcement of his name 
 to put them on their guard — Mr. Courtenay walked into the 
 room." 
 
 Thus ends Chapter XLV., and thus opens Chapter XL VI. : — 
 " The scene which Mr. Courtenay saw when he walked in 
 suddenly to Mrs. Anderson's drawing-room, was one so different 
 in every way from what he had expected that he was for the 
 first moment as much taken aback as any of the company. 
 * * * The drawing-room, which looked out on the Lung' 
 Arno, was not small, but it was rather low — not much more 
 than an entresol. There was a bright wood-fire on the hearth, 
 and near it, with a couple of candles on a small table by her 
 side, sat Kate, distinctly isolated from the rest, and working 
 diligently, scarcely raising her eyes from her needle-work. The 
 centre-table was drawn a little aside, for Ombra had found it too 
 warm in front of the fire ; and about this the other four were 
 grouped — Mrs. Anderson, working too, was talking to one of 
 the young men ; the other was holding silk, which Ombra was 
 winding; a thorough English domestic party — such a family 
 group as should have gladdened virtuous eyes to see. Mr. 
 Courtenay looked at it with indescribable surprise." 
 
 MISTAKES OF MISAPPREHENSION. 
 
 Soon after Louis XIV. appointed Bossuet, Bishop of Meaux, 
 he inquired how the citizens liked their new Bishop, to which 
 
BLUNDERS. 263 
 
 they answered, doubtfully : "Pretty well." "But," asked his 
 Majesty, "what fault do you find with him?" "To say the 
 truth," they replied, "we should have preferred a Bishop who 
 had finished his education; for, whenever we wait upon him, 
 We are told that he is at his studies." 
 
 There lived in the west of England, a few years since, an 
 enthusiastic geologist, who was presiding judge of the Quarter 
 Sessions. A farmer, who had seen him presiding on the bench, 
 overtook him shortly afterwards, while seated by the roadside 
 on a heap of stones, which he was busily breaking in search of 
 fossils. The farmer reined up his horse, gazed at him for a 
 minute, shook his head in commiseration of the mutability of 
 human things, then exclaimed, in mingled tones of pity and 
 surprise: "What, your Honor! be you come to this a' ready?" 
 
 Cottle, in his Life of Coleridge, relates an essay at grooming 
 on the part of that poet and Wordsworth. The servants being 
 absent, the poets had attempted to stable their horse, and were 
 almost successful. With the collar, however, a difficulty arose. 
 After Wordsworth had relinquished as impracticable the effort 
 to get it over the animal's head, Coleridge tried his hand, but 
 showed no more grooming skill than his predecessor ; for, after 
 twisting the poor horse's neck almost to strangulation, and to 
 the great danger of his eyes, he gave up the useless task, pro- 
 nouncing that the horse's head must have grown (gout or 
 dropsy) since the collar was put on, for he said it was downright 
 impossibility for such a huge os frontis to pass through so 
 narrow a collar ! Just at this moment a servant girl came up, 
 and turning the collar upside down, slipped it off without 
 trouble, to the great humility and wonderment of the poets, who 
 were each satisfied afresh that there were heights of knowledge 
 to which they had not attained. 
 
 BLUNDERS OF TRANSLATORS. 
 
 A most entertaining volume might be made from the amusing 
 and often absurd blunders perpetrated by translators. For 
 
264 BLUNDERS. 
 
 instance, Miss Cooper tells us that the person who first rendered 
 her father's novel, "The Spy," into the French tongue, among 
 other mistakes, made the following: — Readers of the Revolu- 
 tionary romance will remember that the residence of the Whar- 
 ton family was called " The Locusts." The translator referred 
 to his dictionary, and found the rendering of the word to be 
 Les JSauterelles, "The Grasshoppers." But when he found 
 one of the dragoons represented as tying his horse to one of 
 the locusts on the lawn, it would appear as, if he might have 
 been at fault. Nothing daunted, however, but taking it for 
 granted that American grasshoppers must be of gigantic dimen- 
 sions, he gravely informs his readers that the cavalryman 
 secured his charger by fastening the bridle to one of the grass- 
 hoppers before the door, apparently standing there for that 
 purpose. 
 
 Much laughter has deservedly been raised at French littera- 
 teurs who professed to be "doctus utriusque linguae," Cibber's 
 play of "Love's Last Shift" was translated by a Frenchman 
 who spoke "Inglees" as "Le Derniire Chemise de V Amour;" 
 Congreve's " Mourning Bride," by another, as "L'Epouse du 
 Matin;" and a French scholar recently included among his 
 catalogue of works on natural history the essay on " Irish Bulls," 
 by the Edgeworths. Jules Janin, the great critic, in his trans- 
 lation of "Macbeth," renders "Out, out, brief candle!" as 
 "Sortez, chandelle." And another, who traduced Shakspeare, 
 commits an equally amusing blunder in rendering Northumber- 
 land's famous speech in "Henry IV." In the passage 
 
 " Even such a man, so faint, so spiritless, 
 So dull, so dead in look, so woe-begone." 
 
 the words italicized are rendered, " ainsi douleur ! va-t'en!" — 
 "so grief, be off with you!" Voltaire did no better with his 
 translations of several of Shakspeare's plays ; in one of which 
 the "myriad-minded" makes a character renounce all claim to a 
 doubtful inheritance, with an avowed resolution to carve for 
 
BLUNDERS. 265 
 
 himself a fortune with his sword. Voltaire put it in French, 
 which, retranslated, reads, " What care I for lands ? With my 
 sword I will make a fortune cutting meat." 
 
 The late centennial celebration of Shakspeare's birthday in 
 England called forth numerous publications relating to the 
 works and times of the immortal dramatist. Among them was 
 a new translation of "Hamlet," by the Chevalier de Chatelain, 
 who also translated Halleck's "Alnwick Castle," " Burns," and 
 "Marco Bozzaris." Our readers are, of course, familiar with 
 the following lines : — 
 
 " How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable 
 Seem to me all the uses of this world ! 
 Fie on't ! Oh, fie ! 'tis an unweeded garden 
 That grows to seed j things rank, and gross in nature, 
 Possess it merely." 
 
 The chevalier, less successful with the English than with the 
 modern American poet, thus renders them into French : — 
 
 " Fi.donc! fi done ! Cea jours qu'on nous montrons superbea 
 Sont un vilain jardin rempli de folles heroes, 
 Qui donnent de Vivraie, et certes rien de plus 
 Si ce n'est les engins du eholera-morbus." 
 
 Some of the funniest mistranslations on record have been 
 bequeathed by Victor Hugo. Most readers will remember his 
 rendering of a peajacket as paletot a la purSe de pois, and of 
 the Frith of Forth as le cinauieme de le quatrieme. 
 
 The French translator of one of Sir Walter Scott's novels, 
 knowing nothing of that familiar name for toasted cheese, 
 " a Welsh rabbit," rendered it literally by " un lapin du pays 
 de Galles" or a rabbit of Wales, and then informed his readers 
 in a foot-note that the lapins or rabbits of Wales have a very 
 superior flavor, and are very tender, which cause them to be in 
 great request in England and Scotland. A writer in the 
 Neapolitan paper, II Giornale delta due Sicilie, was more 
 ingenuous. He was translating from an English paper the 
 account of a man who killed his wife by striking her with a 
 
266 MISQUOTATIONS. 
 
 poker; and at the end of his story the honest journalist, with 
 a modesty unusual in his craft, said, "Non sappiamo per certo 
 se questo pokero Inglcse sia uno strumento domestico o bensi 
 chirurgico" — "We are not quite certain whether this English 
 poker [pokero] be a domestic or surgical instrument." 
 
 In the course of the famous Tichborne trial, the claimant, 
 when asked the meaning of laus Deo semper, said it meant 
 "the laws of God forever, or permanently." An answer not 
 less ludicrous was given by a French Sir Roger, who, on 
 being asked to translate numero Deus impare gaudet, unhesita- 
 tingly replied, "Le numero deux se rejouit d'etre impair." 
 
 Some of the translations of the Italian operas in the 
 librettos, which are sold to the audience, are ludicrous enough. 
 Take, for instance, the lines in Roberto il diavolo, — 
 
 Egli era, dicessi 
 
 Abitatore 
 
 Del tristo Imperio. 
 
 Which some smart interpreter rendered — 
 
 " For they say he was 
 A citizen of the black emporium." 
 
 In Mr Collins' account of Homer's Iliad, in Blackwood's 
 Ancient Classics for English Readers, occurs the following: — 
 
 " The spirit horsemen who rallied the Roman line in the 
 
 great fight with the Latins at Lake Regillus, the shining stars 
 who lighted the sailors on the stormy Adriatic, and gave their 
 names to the ship in which St. Paul was cast away." 
 
 If the reader will take the trouble to refer to the Acts of the 
 Apostles, xxviii, 11, he will find, that the ship of Alexandria, 
 "whose sign was Castor and Pollux," was not the vessel in 
 which St. Paul was shipwrecked near Malta, but the ship in 
 
MISQUOTATIONS. 267 
 
 which he safely voyaged from the island of "the barbarous 
 people" to Puteoli for Rome. 
 
 The misquotations of Sir Walter Scott have frequently at- 
 tracted attention. One of the most unpardonable occurs in 
 The Heart of Mid-Lothian, chapter xlvii.: — 
 
 "The least of these considerations always inclined Butler to 
 measures of conciliation, in so far as he could accede to them, 
 without compromising principle ; and thus our simple and un- 
 pretending heroine had the merit of those peacemakers, to whom 
 it is pronounced as a benediction, that they shall inherit the 
 earth." 
 
 On turning to the gospel of Matthew, v. 9, we find that the 
 benediction pronounced upon the peacemakers was that " they 
 shall be called the children of God." It is the meek who are to 
 " inherit the earth," (ver. 5). 
 
 Another of Scott's blunders occurs in Ivanhoe. The date 
 of this story u refers to a period towards the end of the reign 
 of Richard I." (chap, i.) Richard died in 1199. Neverthe- 
 less, Sir Walter makes the disguised Wamba style himself "a 
 poor brother of the Order of St. Francis," although the Order 
 was not founded until 1210, and, of course, the saintship of 
 the founder had a still later date. 
 
 Again in Waverley (chap, xii.) he puts into the mouth of 
 Baron Bradwardine the words " nor would I utterly accede to 
 the objurgation of the younger Plinius in the fourteenth book 
 of his Historia Naturalist The great Roman naturalist whose 
 thirty-seven books on Natural History were written eighteen 
 centuries ago, was the Elder Pliny. 
 
 Alison, in his History of Europe, speaks of the Grand Duke 
 Constantine of Russia, the Viceroy of Poland, as the son of 
 the emperor Paul I. and the celebrated empress Catherine. 
 This Catherine was the mother of Paul, and wife of Peter III., 
 Paul's father. Constantine's mother, i.e. Paul's wife, was a 
 princess of Wurtemberg. 
 
268 MISQUOTATIONS. 
 
 Another of Archibald's singular errors is his translation of 
 droit du timbre (stamp duty) into " timber duties." This is about 
 as sensible as his quoting with approbation from De Tocqueville 
 the false and foolish assertion that the American people are 
 "regardless of historical records or monuments," and that future 
 historians will be obliged "to write the history of the present 
 generation from the archives of other lands." Such ignorance 
 of American scholarship and research and of the vigorous 
 vitality of American Historical Societies, is unpardonable. 
 
 Disraeli thus refers to a curious blunder in Nagler's Kunst- 
 ler-Lexicon, concerning the artist Cruikshank: — 
 
 Some years ago the relative merits of George Cruikshank 
 and his brother were contrasted in an English Review, and 
 George was spoken of as "the real Simon Pure" — the first 
 who had illustrated " Scenes of Life in London." Unaware of 
 the real significance of a quotation which has become prover- 
 bial among us, the German editor begins his memoir of Cruik- 
 shank by gravely informing us that he is an English artist 
 "whose real name. is Simon Pure!" Turning to the artists un 
 der letter P. we accordingly read, "Pure (Simon), the real 
 name of the celebrated caricaturist, George Cruikshank." 
 
 This will remind some of our readers of the index which re- 
 fers to Mr Justice Best. A searcher after something or other, 
 running his eye down the index through letter B, arrived at the 
 reference " Best — Mr. Justice — his great mind." Desiring to 
 be better acquainted with the particulars of this assertion, he 
 turned to the page referred to, and there found, to his entire 
 satisfaction, "Mr. Justice Best said he had a great mind to 
 commit the witness for prevarication." 
 
 In the fourth canto of Don Juan, stanza CX., Byron says: 
 
 Oh, darkly, deeply, beautifully blue, 
 
 As some one somewhere sings about the sky. 
 
 Byron was mistaken in thinking his quotation referred to the 
 
 sky. The line is in Southey's Madoc, canto V., and describes 
 
 fish. A note intimates that dolphins are meant. 
 
FABRICATIONS. 269 
 
 u Though in hlue ocean seen, 
 Blue, darkly, deeply, beautifully blue, 
 In all its rich variety of shades, 
 Suffused with glowing gold." 
 
 jpairtcatuma. 
 
 THE DESCRIPTION OP THE SAVIOUR'S PERSON. 
 
 Chalmers charges upon Huarte (a native of French Navarre) 
 the publication (as genuine and authentic) of the Letter of 
 Lentulus (the Proconsul of Jerusalem) to the Roman Senate, 
 describing the person and manners of our Lord, and for which, 
 of course, he deservedly censures him. A copy of the letter will 
 be found in the chapter of this volume headed I. H. S. 
 
 A CLEVER HOAX ON SIR WALTER SCOTT. 
 
 The following passage occurs in one of Sir Walter Scott's 
 letters to Southey, written in September, 1810 : — 
 
 A witty rogue, the other day, who sent me a letter subscribed 
 "Detector," proved me guilty of stealing a passage from one 
 of Vida's Latin poems, which I had never seen or heard of; 
 yet there was so strong a general resemblance as fairly to 
 authorize "Detector's" suspicion. 
 
 Lockhart remarks thereupon : — 
 
 The lines of Vida which " Detector" had enclosed to Scott, 
 as the obvious original of the address to " Woman," in 3Iar- 
 mion, closing with — 
 
 "When pain and anguish wring the brow, 
 A ministering angel thou !" 
 
 end as follows : and it must be owned that if Vida had really 
 written them, a more extraordinary example of casual coinci- 
 dence could never have been pointed out. 
 
 23* 
 
270 FABRICATIONS. 
 
 " Cum dolor atque supercilio gravis imminet angor, 
 Fungeris angelico sola ministerio." 
 
 "Detector's" reference is Vida ad Eranen, El. ii. v. 21; but 
 it is almost needless to add there are no such lines, and no piece 
 bearing such a title in Vida's works. 
 
 It was afterwards ascertained that the waggish author of this 
 hoax was a Cambridge scholar named Drury. 
 
 THE MOON HOAX. 
 
 The authorship of the " Moon Hoax," an elaborate descrip- 
 tion (which was first printed in the New York Sun) of men, 
 animals, &c, purporting to have been discovered in the moon 
 by Sir John Herschel, is now disputed. Until recently it was 
 conceded to R A. Locke, now dead ; but in the Budget of Para- 
 doxes, by Professor De Morgan, the authorship is confidently 
 ascribed to M. Nicollet, a French savant, once well known in 
 this country, and employed by the government in the scientific 
 exploration of the West. He died in the government service. 
 Professor De Morgan writes as follows: — "There is no doubt 
 that it (the ' Moon Hoax') was produced in the United States 
 by M. Nicollet, an astronomer of Paris, and a fugitive of some 
 kind. About him I have heard two stories. First, that he 
 fled to America with funds not his own, and that this book 
 was a mere device to raise the wind. Secondly, that he was a 
 protegi of Laplace, and of the Polignac party, and also an out- 
 spoken man. The moon story was written and sent to France, 
 with the intention of entrapping M. Arago — Nicollet's especial 
 foe — in the belief of it." It seems not to have occurred 
 to the sage and critical professor that a man who could 
 steal funds, would have little scruple about stealing a lite- 
 rary production. It is, hence, more than probable that Nicol- 
 let translated the article immediately after its appearance in 
 the New York Sun, and afterwards sent it to France as his 
 own. 
 
FABRICATIONS. 271 
 
 A LITERARY SELL. 
 
 A story is told in literary circles in New York of an enthu- 
 siastic Carlyle Club of ladies and gentlemen of Cambridge and 
 Boston, who meet periodically to read their chosen prophet and 
 worship at his shrine. One of them, not imbued with suffi- 
 cient reverence to teach him better, feloniously contrived to 
 have the reader on a certain evening insert something of his 
 own composition into the reading, as though it came from the 
 printed page and Carlyle's hand. The interpolation was as 
 follows: — " Word-spluttering organisms, in whatever place — 
 not with Plutarchean comparison, apologies, nay rather, without 
 any such apologies — but born into the world to say the thought 
 that is in them — antiphoreal, too, in the main — butchers, 
 bakers, and candlestick-makers; men, women, pedants. Verily, 
 with you, too, it's now or never." This paragraph produced 
 great applause among the devotees of Carlyle. The leader 
 of the Club especially, a learned and metaphysical pundit, 
 who is the great American apostle of Carlyle, said nothing 
 Carlyle had ever written was more representative and happy. 
 The actual author of it attempted to ask some questions 
 about it, and elicit explanations. These were not wanting, 
 and, where they failed, the stupidity of the questioner was the 
 substitute presumption, delicately hinted. It reminds us of 
 Dr. Franklin's incident in his life of Abraham, which he used 
 to read off with great gravity, apparently from an open Bible, 
 though actually from his own memory. This parable is proba- 
 bly the most perfect imitation of Scripture style extant. 
 
 MRS. HEMANS'S "FORGERIES/* 
 
 A gentleman having requested Mrs. Hemans to furnish him 
 with some authorities from the old English writers for the use of 
 the word " barb," as applied to a steed, she very shortly supplied 
 him with the following imitations, which she was in the habit 
 of calling her "forgeries." The mystification succeeded com- 
 pletely, and was not discovered for some time afterwards :— 
 
272 FABRICATIONS. 
 
 The warrior donn'd his well-worn garb 
 
 And proudly waved his crest; 
 He mounted on his jet-black barb 
 
 And put his lance in rest. 
 
 Percy, Reliques. 
 
 Eftsoons the wight withouten more delay 
 
 Spurr'd his brown barb, and rode full swiftly on his way. 
 
 Spenser. 
 
 Hark ! was it not the trumpet's voice I heard ? 
 The soul of battle is awake within me ! 
 The fate of ages and of empires hangs 
 On this dread hour. Why am I not in arms? 
 Bring my good lance, caparison my steed ! 
 Base, idle grooms ! are ye in league against me ? 
 Haste with my barb, or by the holy saints, 
 Ye shall not live to saddle him to-morrow. 
 
 Massinger. 
 
 No sooner had the pearl-shedding fingers of the young Aurora trem- 
 ulously unlocked the oriental portals of the golden horizon, than the 
 graceful flower of chivalry, and the bright cynosure of ladies eyes — he of 
 the dazzling breast-plate and swanlike plume — sprang impatiently from 
 the couch of slumber, and eagerly mounted the noble barb presented to 
 him by the Emperor of Aspromontania. 
 
 Sir Philip Sidney, Arcadia. 
 
 See'st thou yon chief whose presence seems to rule 
 The storm of battle ? Lo ! where'er he moves 
 Death follows. Carnage sits upon his crest — 
 Fate on his sword is throned— and his white barb, 
 As a proud courser of Apollo's chariot, 
 Seems breathing fire. 
 
 Potter, JEscTiylm. 
 Oh ! bonnie looked my ain true knight, 
 
 His barb so proudly reining ; 
 
 I watched him till my tearfu' sight 
 
 Grew amaist dim wi' straining. 
 
 Border Minstrelsy. 
 Why, he can heel the lavolt and wind a fiery barb as well as any gallant 
 in Christendom. He's the very pink and mirror of accomplishment. 
 
 Shakspeare. 
 Fair star of beauty's heaven ! to call thee mine, 
 
 All other joy's I joyously would yield, • 
 My knightly crest, my bounding barb resign 
 For the poor shepherd's orook and daisied field 1 • 
 
FABRICATIONS. 273 
 
 For courts, or camps, no wish my soul would prove, 
 So thou would'st live with me and be my love. 
 
 Earl op Surrey, Poems. 
 
 For thy dear love my weary soul hath grown 
 Heedless of youthful sports : I seek no more 
 Or joyous dance, or music's thrilling tone, 
 Or joys that once could charm in minstrel lore, 
 Or knightly tilt where steel-clad champions meet, 
 Borne on impetuous barbs to bleed at beauty's feet ! 
 
 Shakspeare, Sonnets. 
 As a warrior clad 
 In sable arms, like chaos dull and sad, 
 But mounted on a barb as white 
 As the fresh new-born light, — 
 
 So the black night too soon 
 Came riding on the bright and silver moon 
 
 Whose radiant heavenly ark 
 Made all the clouds beyond her influence seem 
 
 E'en more than doubly dark, 
 Mourning all widowed of her glorious beam. 
 
 Cowlet. 
 
 SHERIDAN'S GREEK. 
 
 In Anecdotes of Impudence, we find this curious story : — 
 Lord Belgrave having clenched a speech in the House of Com- 
 mons with a long Greek quotation, Sheridan, in reply, admitted 
 the force of the quotation so far as it went; "but" said he, "if 
 the noble Lord had proceeded a little farther, and completed 
 the passage, he would have seen that it applied the other way!" 
 Sheridan then spouted something ore rotundo, which had all the 
 ais, ois, kons, and kois that give the world assurance of a Greek 
 quotation : upon which Lord Belgrave very promptly and hand- 
 somely complimented the honorable member on his readiness of 
 recollection, and frankly admitted that the continuation of the 
 passage had the tendency ascribed to it by Mr. Sheridan, and 
 that he had overlooked it at the moment when he gave his 
 quotation. On the breaking up of the House, Fox, who piqued 
 himself on having some Greek, went up to Sheridan, and said, 
 " Sheridan, how came you to be so ready with that passage ? It 
 certainly is as you state, but I was not aware of it before you 
 S 
 
274 FABRICATIONS. 
 
 quoted it." It is unnecessary to observe that there was no 
 Greek at all in Sheridan's impromptu. 
 
 BALLAD LITERATURE. 
 
 John Hill Burton, in his Book Hunter, after speaking of the 
 success with which Surtus imposed upon Sir Walter Scott the 
 spurious ballad of the Death of Feather stonhaugh, which has a 
 place in the Border Mmstrelsy, says : — 
 
 Altogether, such affairs create an unpleasant uncertainty about 
 the paternity of that delightful department of literature — our 
 ballad poetry. Where next are we to be disenchanted ? Of the 
 way in which ballads have come into existence, there is one sad 
 example within my own knowledge. Some mad young wags, 
 wishing to test the critical powers of an experienced collector, 
 sent him a new-made ballad, which they had been enabled to 
 secure only in a fragmentary form. To the surprise of its fabri- 
 cator, it was duly printed ; but what naturally raised his surprise 
 to astonishment, and revealed to him a secret, was, that it was 
 no longer a fragment, but a complete ballad, — the collector, in 
 the course of his industrious inquiries among the peasantry, 
 having been so fortunate as to recover the missing fragments ! 
 It was a case where neither could say anything to the other, 
 though Cato might wonder, quod non rider et haruspex, 
 haruspicem cum vidisset. This ballad has been printed in 
 more than one collection, and admired as an instance of the 
 inimitable simplicity of the genuine old versions ! 
 
 Psalmanazar exceeded in powers of deception any of the 
 great impostors of learning. His island of .Formosa was an illu- 
 sion eminently bold, and maintained with as much felicity as 
 erudition ; and great must have been that erudition which could 
 form a pretended language and its grammar, and fertile the 
 genius which could invent the history of an unknown people. 
 The deception was only satisfactorily ascertained by his own peni- 
 tential confession; he had defied and baffled the most learned. 
 
FABRICATIONS. 275 * 
 
 franklin's PARABLE. 
 
 Dr. Franklin frequently read for the entertainment of com- 
 pany, apparently from an open Bible, but actually from memory, 
 the following chapter in favor of religious toleration, pretendedly 
 quoted from the Book of Genesis. This story of Abraham and 
 the idolatrous traveler was given by Franklin to Lord Kaimes 
 as a "Jewish Parable on Persecution," and was published by 
 Kaimes in his Sketches of the History of Man. It is traced, 
 not to a Hebrew author, but to a Persian apologue. Bishop 
 Heber, in referring to the charge of plagiarism raised against 
 Franklin, says that while it cannot be proved that he gave it to 
 Lord Kaimes as his own composition, it is " unfortunate for him 
 that his correspondent evidently appears to have regarded it as 
 his composition ; that it had been published as such in all the 
 editions of Franklin's collected works ; aud that, with all Frank- 
 lin's abilities and amiable qualities, there was a degree of quack- 
 ery in his character which, in this instance as well as that of his 
 professional epitaph on himself, has made the imputation of such 
 a theft more readily received against him, than it would have 
 been against most other men of equal eminence." 
 
 1. And it came to pass after those things, that Abraham sat in the door 
 of his tent, about the going down of the sun. 
 
 2. And behold a man, bowed with age, came from the way of the wilder- 
 ness, leaning on a staff. 
 
 3. And Abraham arose, and met him, and said unto him, Turn in, I pray 
 thee, and warm thy feet, and tarry all night, and thou shalt arise early on 
 the morrow, and go on thy way. 
 
 4. But the man said, Nay, for I will abide under this tree. 
 
 5. And Abraham pressed him greatly ; so he turned, and they went into 
 the tent j and Abraham baked unleavened bread, and they did eat. 
 
 6. And when Abraham saw that the man blessed not God, he said unto 
 him, Wherefore dost thou not worship the most High God, Creator of Heaven 
 and Earth ? 
 
 7. And the man answered and said, I do not worship the God thou speak - 
 est of, neither do I call upon his name ; for I have made to myself a God, 
 which abideth always in mine house, and provideth me with all things. 
 
 8. And Abraham's zeal was kindled against the man, and he arose and 
 fell upon him, and drove him forth into the wilderness. 
 
276 FABRICATIONS. 
 
 9. And at midnight God called unto Abraham, saying, Abraham, where 
 is the stranger ? 
 
 10. And Abraham answered and said, Lord, he would not worship Thee, 
 neither would he call upon Thy name; therefore have I driven him out 
 from before my face into the wilderness. 
 
 11. And God said, Have I borne with him these hundred and ninety and 
 eight years, and nourished him and clothed him, notwithstanding his 
 rebellion against Me ; and couldst not thou, that art thyself a sinner, bear 
 with him one night ? 
 
 12. And Abraham said, Let not the anger of my Lord wax hot against 
 His servant: Lo, I haved sinned; forgive me, I pray Thee. 
 
 13. And he arose, and went forth into the wilderness, and sought 
 diligently for the man, and found him : 
 
 14. And returned with him to his tent; and when he had entreated 
 him kindly, he sent him away on the morrow with gifts. 
 
 15. And God spake again unto Abraham, saying, For this thy sin shall 
 thy seed be afflicted four hundred years in a strange land : 
 
 16. But for thy repentance will I deliver them ; and they shall come 
 forth with power, and with gladness of heart, and with much substance. 
 
 THE SHAKSPEARE FORGERIES. 
 
 In 1795-96 William Henry Ireland perpetrated the remark- 
 able Shakspeare Forgeries which gave his name such infamous 
 notoriety. The plays of " Vortigern " and " Henry the Second" 
 were printed in 1799. Several litterateurs of note were deceived 
 by them, and Sheridan produced the former at Drury Lane 
 theatre, with John Kemble to take the leading part. The total 
 failure of the play, conjoined with the attacks of Malone and 
 others, eventually led to a conviction and forced confession of 
 Ireland's dishonesty. For an authentic account of the Shak- 
 speare Manuscripts see The Confessions of W. H. Ireland; 
 Chalmers' Apology for the Believers of the Shakspeare Papers; 
 Malone's Inquiry into the Authenticity, &c ; Wilson's JShakspe- 
 riana; Gentleman's Magazine, 17 '96-97 ;Eclectic Magazine, xvi. 
 476. One of the original manuscripts of Ireland, that of Hen- 
 ry the Second, has been preserved. The rascal seems to have 
 felt but little penitence for his fraud. 
 
INTERRUPTED SENTENCES. 277 
 
 interrupter Sentences. 
 
 A Judge, reprimanding a criminal, called him a scoundrel. 
 The prisoner replied : "Sir, I am not as big a scoundrel as your 
 Honor" — here the culprit stopped, but finally added — "takes 
 me to be." " Put your words closer together," said the Judge. 
 
 A lady in a dry goods store, while inspecting some cloths, 
 remarked that they were "part cotton." " Madam," said the 
 shopman, " these goods are as free from cotton as your breast 
 is" — (the lady frowned) he added — "free from guile." 
 
 A lady was reading aloud in a circle of friends a letter just 
 received. She read, " We are in great trouble. Poor Mary has 
 been confined" — and there she stopped for that was the last word 
 on the sheet, and the next sheet had dropped and fluttered away, 
 and poor Mary, unmarried, was left really in a delicate situation 
 until the missing sheet was found, and the next continued — "to 
 her room for three days, with what, we fear, is suppressed scarlet 
 fever." 
 
 To all letters soliciting his "subscription" to any object 
 Lord Erskine had a regular form of reply, viz.: — " Sir, I feel 
 much honored by your application to me, and beg to subscribe" 
 — here the reader had to turn over the leaf — " myself your very 
 obedient servant." 
 
 Much more satisfactory to the recipient was Lord Eldon's 
 note to his friend, Dr. Fisher, of the Charter House : — " Dear 
 Fisher — I cannot to day give you the preferment for which you 
 ask. Your sincere friend, Eldon. ( Turn over) — I gave it to 
 you yesterday." 
 
 At the Virginia Springs a Western girl name Helen was 
 familiarly known among her admirers as Little Hel. At a party 
 given in her native city, a gentlemnn, somewhat the worse for his 
 supper, approached a very dignified young lady and asked: 
 
 24 
 
278 INTERRUPTED SENTENCES. 
 
 "Where's my little sweetheart? You know, — Little Hel?" 
 "Sir?" exclaimed the lady, "you certainly forgot yourself." 
 "Oh," said he quickly, "you interrupted me; if you had let 
 me go on I would have said Little Helen." "I beg your 
 pardon," answered the lady, "when you said Little Hel, I 
 thought you had reached your final destination." 
 
 The value of an explanation is finely illustrated in the old 
 story of a king who sent to another king, saying, " Send me a 
 
 blue pig with a black tail, or else ." The other, in high 
 
 dudgeon at the presumed insult, replied : " I have not got one, 
 
 and if I had ." On this weighty cause they went to war 
 
 for many years. After a satiety of glories and miseries, they 
 finally bethought them that, as their armies and resources were 
 exhausted, and their kingdoms mutually laid waste, it might be 
 well enough to consult about the preliminaries of peace; but 
 before this could be concluded, a diplomatic explanation was 
 first needed of the insulting language which formed the ground 
 of the quarrel. "What could you mean," said the second king 
 to the first, "by saying, 'Send me a blue pig with a black tail, 
 
 or else ?'" "Why," said the other, "I meant a blue pig 
 
 with a black tail, or else some other color. But," retorted he, 
 "what did you mean by saying, 'I have not got one, and if I 
 
 had ?'" "Why, of course, if I had, I should have sent 
 
 it." An explanation which was entirely satisfactory, and peace 
 was concluded accordingly. 
 
 It is related of Dr. Mansel, that when an undergraduate of 
 Trinity College, Cambridge, he chanced to call at the rooms of 
 a brother Cantab, who was absent, but who had left on his 
 table the opening of a poem, which was in the following lofty 
 strain : — 
 
 "The sun's perpendicular rays 
 
 Illumine the depths of the sea," 
 
 Here the flight of the poet, by some accident, stopped short, 
 but Mansel, who never lost an occasion for fun, completed the 
 stanza in the following facetious style : — 
 
INTERRUPTED SENTENCES. 279 
 
 "And the fishes beginning to sweat, 
 
 Cried, ' Goodness, how hot we shall be. ,,, 
 
 That not very brilliant joke, " to lie — under a mistake," is 
 sometimes indulged in by the best writers. Witness the follow- 
 ing. Byron says: — 
 
 If, after all, there should be some so blind 
 To their own good this warning to despise, 
 
 Led by some tortuosity of mind 
 
 Not to believe my verse and their own eyes, 
 
 And cry that they the moral cannot find, 
 I tell him, if a clergyman, he lies ; 
 
 Should captains the remark, or critics make, 
 
 They also lie too — under a mistake. 
 
 Don Juan, Canto I. 
 
 Shelley, in his translation of the Magico Prodigioso of Cal- 
 deron, makes Clarin say to Moscon : — 
 
 You lie — under a mistake — 
 
 For this is the most civil sort of lie 
 
 That can be given to a man's face. I now 
 
 Say what I think. 
 
 And De Quincey, Milton versus Southey and Landor, 
 
 You are tempted, after walking round a line (of Milton) 
 threescore times, to exclaim at last, — Well, if the Fiend himself 
 should rise up before me at this very moment, in this very 
 study of mine, and say that no screw was loose in that line, 
 
 then would I reply : " Sir, with due submission, you are ." 
 
 "What!" suppose the Fiend suddenly to demand in thunder, 
 " What am I ?" " Horribly wrong," you wish exceedingly to 
 say; but, recollecting that some people are choleric in argu- 
 ment, you confine yourself to the polite answer — " That, with 
 deference to his better education, you conceive him to lie" — 
 that's a bad word to drop your voice upon in talking with a 
 friend, and you hasten to add — " under a slight, a very slight 
 mistake." 
 
280 INTERRUPTED SENTENCES. 
 
 Mr. Montague Mathew, who sometimes amused the House of 
 Commons, and alarmed the Ministers, with his brusquerie, set 
 an ingenious example to those who are at once forbidden to 
 speak, and yet resolved to express their thoughts. There was 
 a debate upon the treatment of Ireland, and Mathew having 
 been called to order for taking unseasonable notice of the enormi- 
 ties attributed to the British Government, spoke to the following 
 effect : — " Oh, very well ; I shall say nothing then about the 
 murders — (Order, order!) — I shall make no mention of the 
 massacres — (Hear, hear! Order!) — Oh, well; I shall sink all 
 allusion to the infamous half-hangings — ( Order, order! Chair !) 
 
 Lord Chatham once began a speech on West Indian affairs, 
 in the House of Commons, with the words: "Sugar, Mr. 
 
 Speaker ' and then, observing a smile to prevail in the 
 
 audience, he paused, looked fiercely around, and with a loud 
 voice, rising in its notes, and swelling into vehement anger, he 
 is said to have pronounced again the word " Sugar !" three times ; 
 and having thus quelled the House, and extinguished every 
 appearance of levity or laughter, turned around, and disdain- 
 fully asked, " Who will laugh at sugar now ?" 
 
 Our legislative assemblies, under the most exciting circum- 
 stances, convey no notion of the phrenzied rage which some- 
 times agitates the French. Mirabeau interrupted once at every 
 sentence by an insult, with " slanderer/' " liar," " assassin," 
 " rascal," rattling around him, addressed the most furious of his 
 assailants in the softest tone he could assume, saying, " I pause, 
 gentlemen, till these civilities are exhausted." 
 
 Mr. Marten, M. P., was a great wit. One evening he de- 
 livered a furious philippic against Sir Harry Vane, and when he 
 had buried him beneath a load of sarcasm, he said : — " But as 
 
 for young Sir Harry Vane " and so sat down. The House 
 
 was astounded. Several members exclaimed : " What have you 
 to say against young Sir Harry ? " Marten at once rose and ad- 
 ded : " Why, if young Sir Harry lives to be old, he will be old 
 Sir Harry." 
 
ECHO VERSE. 281 
 
 2£d)0 Vtx$t. 
 
 Addison says, in No. 59 of the Spectator, " I find likewise 
 in ancient times the conceit of making an Echo talk sensibly 
 and give rational answers. If this could be excusable in any 
 writer, it would be in Ovid, where he introduces the echo as a 
 nymph, before she was worn away into nothing but a voice. 
 (Met. iii. 379.) The learned Erasmus, though a man of wit 
 and genius, has composed a dialogue upon this silly kind of 
 device, and made use of an echo who seems to have been an 
 extraordinary linguist, for she answers the person she talks 
 with in Latin, Greek, and Hebrew, according as she found the 
 syllables which she was to repeat in any of those learned lan- 
 guages. Hudibras, in ridicule of this false kind of wit, has 
 described Bruin bewailing the loss of his bear to a solitary 
 echo, who is of great use to the poet in several distichs, as she 
 does not only repeat after him, but helps out his verse and 
 furnishes him with rhymes." 
 
 Euripides in his Andromeda— a tragedy now lost — had a 
 similar scene, which Aristophanes makes sport with in his Feast 
 of Ceres. In the Greek Anthology (iii. 6) is an epigram of 
 Leonidas, and in Book IV. are some lines by Guaradas, com- 
 mencing — 
 
 a A%oi <f>(\a not ovyKa,Taiveo6v ri. — /? rt ; 
 (Echo ! I love : advise me somewhat. — What ?) 
 
 The French bards in the age of Marot were very fond of 
 this conceit. Disraeli gives an ingenious specimen in his Curi- 
 osities of Literature. The lines here transcribed are by Joa- 
 chim de Bellay : — 
 
 Qui est l'auteur de ces maux avenus ? — Venus. 
 
 Qu'6tois-je avant d'entrer en ce passage ? — Sage. 
 
 Qu'est-ce qu'aimer et se plaindre souvent ? — Vent. 
 
 Dis-moi quelle est celle pour qui j'endure ? — Dure. 
 
 Sent-elle bien la douleur qui me point? — Point 
 24* 
 
282 ECHO VERSE. 
 
 In The Progresses of Queen Elizabeth there is detailed a 
 masque, which was enacted for her Majesty's pleasure, in which 
 a dialogue was held with Echo " devised, penned, and pronounced 
 by Master Gascoigne, and that upon a very great sudden/' 
 
 Here are three of the verses : — 
 
 Well, Echo, tell me yet, 
 
 How might I come to see 
 This comely Queen of whom we talk? 
 
 Oh, were she now by thee ! 
 
 By thee. 
 
 By me? oh, were that true, 
 
 How might I see her face ? 
 How might I know her from the rest, 
 
 Or judge her by her grace ? 
 
 Her grace. 
 
 Well, then, if so mine eyes 
 
 Be such as they have been, 
 Methinks I see among them all 
 
 This same should be the Queen. 
 The Queen. 
 
 LONDON BEFORE THE RESTORATION. 
 
 What want'st thou that thou art in this sad taking ? 
 
 a king. 
 What made him hence move his residing? 
 
 siding. 
 Did any here deny him satisfaction? 
 
 facti 3n. 
 Tell me whereon this strength of faction lies? 
 
 on lies. 
 • What didst thou do when King left Parliament ? 
 
 lament. 
 What terms wouldst give to gain his company? 
 
 any. 
 But thou wouldst serve him with thy best endeavor ? 
 
 ever. 
 
 What wouldst thou do if thou couldst here behold him? 
 
 hold him. 
 But if he comes not, what becomes of London ? 
 
 undone. 
 
ECHO VERSE. 283 
 
 The following song was written by Addison : — 
 Echo, tell me, while I wander 
 
 O'er this fairy plain to prove him, 
 If my shepherd still grows fonder, 
 Ought I in return to love him ? 
 
 Echo. — Love him, love him. 
 
 If he loves, as is the fashion, 
 
 Should I churlishly forsake him? 
 Or, in pity to his passion, 
 
 Fondly to my bosom take him? 
 
 Echo. — Take him, take him. 
 
 Thy advice, then, I'll adhere to, 
 
 Since in Cupid's chains I've led him, 
 And with Henry shall not fear to 
 
 Marry, if you answer, " Wed him." 
 
 Echo. — Wed him, wed him. 
 
 PASQUINADE. 
 
 The following squib, cited by Mr. Motley in his Dutch Re- 
 public, from a MS. collection of pasquils, shows the prevalent 
 opinion in the Netherlands concerning the parentage of Don 
 John of Austria and the position of Barbara Blomberg : — 
 
 — sed at Austriacum nostrum redeamus— eamus 
 
 Hunc Cesaris filium esse satis est notum — notum 
 
 Multi tamen de ejus patre dubitavere — vere 
 
 Cujus ergo filium eum dicunt Itali — Itali 
 
 Verum mater satis est nota in nostra republica— ■publico 
 
 Imo hactenus egit in Brabantia ter voere — hoere 
 
 Crimen est ne frui amplexu unius Cesaris tarn generosi — osi 
 
 Pluribus ergo usa in vita est — ita est 
 
 Seu post Cesaris congressum non vere ante — ante 
 
 Tace garrula ne tale quippiam loquare — quare ? 
 
 Nescis qua poena afficiendum dixerit Belgium insigne — igne, Ac 
 
 THE GOSPEL ECHO. 
 Found in a pew in a church in Scotland, written in a female hand. 
 
 True faith producing love to God and man, 
 Say, Echo, is not this the gospel plan ? 
 Echo. — The gospel plan ! 
 
 Must I my faith in Jesus constant show, 
 By doing good to all, both friend and foe ? 
 Echo. — Both friend and foe ' 
 
284 ECHO VERSE. 
 
 When men conspire to hate and treat me ill, 
 Must I return them good, and love them still ? 
 
 Echo. — Love them still ! 
 If they my failings causelessly reveal, 
 Must I their faults as carefully conceal ? 
 
 Echo. — As carefully conceal ! 
 But if my name and character they tear, 
 And cruel malice too, too plain appear; 
 And, when I sorrow and affliction know, 
 They smile, and add unto my cup of woej 
 Say, Echo, say, in such peculiar case, 
 Must I continue still to love and bless ? 
 
 Echo. — Still love and bless ! 
 Why, Echo, how is this ? Thou'rt sure a dove : 
 Thy voice will leave me nothing else but love 1 
 
 Echo. — Nothing else but love ! 
 Amen, with all my heart, then be it so ; 
 And now to practice I'll directly go. 
 
 Echo. — Directly go ! 
 
 This path be mine ; and, let who will reject, 
 My gracious God me surely will protect. 
 
 Echo. — Surely will protect ! 
 Henceforth on him I'll cast my every care, 
 And friends and foes, embrace them all in prayer. 
 
 Echo. — Embrace them all in prayer. 
 
 ECHO AND THE LOVER. 
 
 Lover. — Echo ! mysterious nymph, declare 
 
 Of what you're made and what you are. 
 Echo. — Air! 
 
 Lover. — Mid airy cliffs and places high, 
 
 Sweet Echo ! listening, love, you lie— 
 Echo.— You lie 1 
 
 Lover. — Thou dost resuscitate dead sounds — 
 
 Hark ! how my voice revives, resounds ! 
 Echo.— Zounds ! 
 
 Lover. — I'll question thee before I go — 
 
 Come, answer me more apropos ! 
 Echo.— Poh! poh! 
 
 Lover. — Tell me, fair nymph, if e'er you saw 
 
 So sweet a girl as Phoebe Shaw? 
 Echo. — Pshaw 1 
 
ECHO VERSE. 285 
 
 Lover. — Say, what will turn that frisking coney 
 
 Into the toils of matrimony? 
 Echo. — Money ! 
 
 Lover. — Has Phoebe not a heavenly brow ? 
 Is it not white as pearl — as snow? 
 Echo. — Ass! no! 
 
 Lover. — Her eyes ! Was ever such a pair? 
 
 Are the stars brighter than they are ? 
 Echo.— They are ! 
 
 Lover. — Echo, thou liest, but can't deceive me ; 
 
 Her eyes eclipse the stars, believe me — 
 Echo. — Leave me ! 
 
 Lover. — But come, thou saucy, pert romancer, 
 
 Who is as fair as Phoebe ? answer ! 
 Echo.— Ann, sir. 
 
 ECHO ON WOMAN. 
 In the Doric manner. 
 
 These verses of Dean Swift were supposed, by the late Mr. 
 Reed, to have been written either in imitation of Lord Stir- 
 ling's Aurora, or of a scene of Robert Taylor's old play, en- 
 titled The Hog has lost his Pearl. 
 
 Shepherd. — Echo, I ween, will in the woods reply, 
 
 And quaintly answer questions. Shall I try ? 
 Echo. — Try. 
 
 Shep. — What must we do our passion to express? 
 Echo. — Press. 
 
 Shep. — How shall I please her who ne'er loved before ? 
 Echo. — Be fore. 
 
 Shep. — What most moves women when we them address ? 
 Echo. — A dress. 
 
 Shep. — Say, what can keep her chaste whom I adore? 
 Echo. — A door. 
 
 Shep. — If music softens rocks, love tunes my lyre. 
 Echo. — Liar. 
 
 Shep. — Then teach me, Echo, how shall I come by her ? 
 Echo. — Buy her. 
 
 Shep. — When bought, no question I shall be her dear. 
 Echo. — Her deer. 
 
 Shep. — But deer have horns : how must I keep her under? 
 Echo. — Keep her under. 
 
286 ECHO VERSE. 
 
 Shep. — But what can glad me when she's laid on bier ? 
 Echo. — Beer. 
 
 Shep. — What must I do when women will be kind ? 
 Echo. — Be kind. 
 
 Shep. — What must I do when women will be cross ? 
 Echo. — Be cross. 
 
 Shep. — Lord ! what is she that can so turn and wind ? 
 Echo. — Wind. 
 
 Shep. — If she be wind, what stills her when she blows ? 
 Echo. — Blows. 
 
 Shep. — But if she bang again, still should I bang her ? 
 Echo. — Bang her. 
 
 Shep. — Is there no way to moderate her anger ? 
 Echo. — Hang her. 
 
 Shep. — Thanks, gentle Echo ! right thy answers tell 
 What woman is, and how to guard her well. 
 Echo. — Guard her well. 
 
 BONAPARTE AND THE ECHO. 
 
 The original publication of the following exposed the pub- 
 lisher, Palm, of Nuremberg, to trial by court-martial. He was 
 sentenced to be shot at Braunau in 1807, — a severe retribution 
 for a few lines of poetry. 
 
 Bona. — Alone I am in this sequestered spot, not overheard. 
 
 Echo. — Heard. 
 
 Bona. — 'Sdeath ! Who answers me ? What being is there nigh ? 
 
 Echo. — I. 
 
 Bona. — Now I guess ! To report my accents Echo has made her task. 
 
 Echo. — Ask. 
 
 Bona. — Knowestthou whether London will henceforth continue to resist? 
 
 Echo. — Resist. 
 
 Bona. — Whether Vienna and other courts will oppose me always? 
 
 Echo. — Always. 
 
 Bona. — Oh, Heaven ! what must I expect after so many reverses ? 
 
 Echo. — Reverses. 
 
 Bona. — What ! should I, like coward vile, to compound be reduced ? 
 
 Echo. — Reduced. 
 
 Bona. — After so many bright exploits be forced to restitution ? 
 
 Echo. — Restitution. 
 
 Bona. — Restitution of what I've got by true heroic feats and martial 
 
 address ? 
 Echo. — Yes. 
 
 Bona. — What will be the end of so much toil and trouble ? 
 Echo. — Trouble. 
 
ECHO VERSE. 287 
 
 Bona. — "What will become of my people, already too unhappy? 
 
 Echo. — Happy. 
 
 Bona. —What should I then he that I think myself immortal ? 
 
 Echo. — Mortal. 
 
 Bona. — The whole world is filled with the glory of my name, you know. 
 
 Echo. — No. 
 
 Bona. — Formerly its fame struck the vast globe with terror. 
 
 Echo. — Error. 
 
 Bona. — Sad Echo, begone ! I grow infuriate ! I die ! 
 
 Echo.— Die!* 
 
 EPIGRAM ON THE SYNOD OE DORT. 
 
 Dordrechti synodus, nodus; chorus integer, aeger; 
 Conventus, ventus ; sessio stramen. Amen ! 
 
 .Referring to the extravagant price demanded in London, in 
 
 1831, to see and hear the Orpheus of violinists, the Sunday 
 
 Times asked, — 
 
 What are they who pay three guineas 
 To hear a tune of Paganini's? 
 
 Echo. — Pack o' ninnies. 
 
 THE CRITIC'S EPIGRAMMATIC EXCUSE. 
 
 I'd fain praise your poem, but tell me, how is it, 
 When I cry out, " Exquisite," Echo cries, " Quiz it I" 
 
 ECHO ANSWERING. 
 What must be done to conduct a newspaper right? — Write. 
 What is necessary for a farmer to assist him ? — System. 
 What would give a blind man the greatest delight? — Light. 
 What is the best counsel given by a justice of the peace ? — Peace. 
 Who commit the greatest abominations? — Nations. 
 What cry is the greatest terrifier ? — Fire. 
 What are some women's chief exercise ? — Sighs. 
 
 * Napoleon himself, ( Voice from St. Helena,) when asked about the exe- 
 cution of Palm, said, "All that I recollect is, that Palm was arrested by 
 •)rder of Davoust, and, I believe, tried, condemned, and shot, for having, 
 while the country was in possession of the French and under military 
 occupation, not only excited rebellion among the inhabitants and urged 
 them to rise and massacre the soldiers, but also attempted to instigate the 
 soldiers themselves to refuse obedience to their orders and to mutiny against 
 their generals. I believe that he met with a fair trial." 
 
288 ECHOES. 
 
 REMARKABLE ECHOES. 
 
 An echo in Woodstock Park, Oxfordshire, repeats seventeen 
 syllables by day, and twenty by night. One on the banks of 
 the Lago del Lupo, above the fall of Terni, repeats fifteen. 
 But the most remarkable echo known is one on the north side 
 of Shipley Church, in Sussex, which distinctly repeats twenty- 
 one syllables. 
 
 In the Abbey church at St. Alban's is a curious echo. The 
 tick of a watch may be heard from one end of the church to 
 the other. In Gloucester Cathedral, a gallery of an octagonal 
 form conveys a whisper seventy-five feet across the nave. 
 
 The following inscription is copied from this gallery : — 
 
 Doubt not but God, who sits on high, 
 Thy inmost secret prayers can hear ; 
 
 When a dead wall thus cunningly 
 Conveys soft whispers to the ear. 
 
 In the Cathedral of Girgenti, in Sicily, the slightest whisper 
 is borne with perfect distinctness from the great western door to 
 the cornice behind the high altar, — a distance of two hundred 
 and fifty feet. By a most unlucky coincidence, the precise 
 focus of divergence at the former station was chosen for the 
 place of the confessional. Secrets never intended for the pub- 
 lic ear thus became known, to the dismay of the confessors, 
 and the scandal of the people, by the resort of the curious to 
 the opposite point, (which seems to have been discovered acci- 
 dentally,) till at length, one listener having had his curiosity 
 somewhat over- gratified by hearing his wife's avowal of her 
 own infidelity, this tell-tale peculiarity became generally known, 
 and the confessional was removed. 
 
 In the whispering-gallery of St. Paul's, London, the faintest 
 sound is faithfully conveyed from one side to the other of the 
 dome, but is not heard at any intermediate point. 
 
 In the Manfroni Palace at Venice is a square room about 
 twenty-five feet high, with a concave roof, in which a person 
 standing in the centre, and stamping gently with his foot on the 
 floor, hears the sound repeated a great many times ) but as his 
 position deviates from the centre, the reflected sounds grow 
 
ECHOES. 289 
 
 fainter, and at a short distance wholly cease. The same phe- 
 nomenon occurs in the large room of the Library of the 
 Museum at Naples. 
 
 EXTRAORDINARY FACTS IN ACOUSTICS. 
 
 An intelligent and very respectable gentleman, named Ebene- 
 zer Snell, who is still living, at the age of eighty and upwards, 
 was in a corn-field with a negro on the 17th of June, 1776, in 
 the township of Cummington, Mass., one hundred and twenty- 
 nine miles west of Bunker Hill by the course of the road, and 
 at least one hundred by an air-line. Some time during the 
 day, the negro was lying on the ground, and remarked to 
 Ebenezer that there was war somewhere, for he could distinctly 
 hear the cannonading. Ebenezer put his ear to the ground, 
 and also heard the firing distinctly, and for a considerable time. 
 He remembers the fact, which made a deep impression on his 
 mind, as plainly as though it was yesterday. 
 
 Over water, or a surface of ice, sound is propagated with re- 
 markable clearness and strength. Dr. Hutton relates that, on 
 a quiet part of the Thames near Chelsea, he could hear a per- 
 son read distinctly at the distance of one hundred and forty feet, 
 while on the land the same could only be heard at seventy-six. 
 Lieut. Foster, in the third Polar expedition of Capt. Parry, found 
 that he could hold conversation with a man across the harbor of 
 Port Bowen, a distance of six thousand six hundred and ninety- 
 six feet, or about a mile and a quarter. This, however, falls short 
 of what is asserted by Derham and Dr. Young, — viz., that at 
 Gibraltar the human voice has been heard at the distance of 
 ten miles, the distance across the strait. 
 
 Dr. Hearn, a Swedish physician, relates that he heard guns 
 fired at Stockholm, on the occasion of the death of one of the 
 royal family, in 1685, at the distance of thirty Swedish or one 
 hundred and eighty British miles. 
 
 The cannonade of a sea-fight between the English and 
 Dutch, in 1672, was heard across England as far as Shrews- 
 bury, and even in Wales, a distance of upwards of two hundred 
 miles from the scene of action. 
 T 25 
 
290 PUZZLES. 
 
 The fastidiousness of mere book-learning, or the overween. 
 ing importance of politicians and men of business, may be em- 
 ployed to cast contempt, or even odium, on "the labor which is 
 spent in the solution of puzzles which produce no useful know- 
 ledge when disclosed ; but that which agreeably amuses both 
 young and old should, if not entitled to regard, be at least 
 exempt from censure. Nor have the greatest wits of this and 
 other countries disdained to show their skill in these trifles. 
 Homer, it is said, died of chagrin at not being able to expound a 
 riddle propounded by a simple fisherman, — " Leaving what's 
 taken, what we took not we bring." Aristotle was amazingly 
 perplexed, and Philetas, the celebrated grammarian and poet of 
 Cos, puzzled himself to death in fruitless endeavors to solve the 
 sophism called by the ancients The Liar: — " If you say of your- 
 self, ' I lie,' and in so saying tell the truth, you lie. If you 
 say, ' I lie/ and in so saying tell a lie, you tell the truth." 
 Dean Swift, who could so agreeably descend to the slightest 
 badinage, was very fond of puzzles. Many of the best riddles 
 in circulation may be traced to the sportive moments of men 
 of the greatest celebrity, who gladly seek occasional relaxation 
 from the graver pursuits of life, in comparative trifles. 
 
 Mrs. Barbauld says, Finding out riddles is the same kind of 
 exercise for the mind as running, leaping, and wrestling are fur 
 the body. They are of no use in themselves ; they are not 
 work, but play; but they prepare the body, and make it alert 
 and active for any thing it may be called upon to perform. So 
 loes the finding otut good riddles give quickness of thought, 
 and facility for turning about a problem every way, and viewing 
 it in every possible light. 
 
 The French have excelled all other people in this species of 
 literary amusement. Their language is favorable to it, and 
 their writers have always indulged a fondness for it. As a 
 
PUZZLES. 291 
 
 specimen of the ingenuity of the earlier literati, we transcribe 
 a rebus of Jean Marot, a favorite old priest, and valet-de- 
 chambre to Francis I. It would be inexplicable to most readers 
 without the version in common French, which is subjoined : — 
 riant fus n'agueres 
 
 En pris 
 
 t »D'une o affettee 
 
 u tile s 
 
 espoir haitee 
 
 Que vent 
 
 ai 
 d 
 Mais fus quand pr s'arnour is 
 
 ris 
 Car j'apper ses mignards 
 que 
 traits 
 Etoient d'amour mal as 
 
 H 
 
 riant 
 En 
 L'oeil 
 Ecus de elle a prig 
 
 moi 
 manidre rus€e 
 te me nant 
 Et quand je veux chez elle e faire e 
 
 que 
 Me dit to y us mal appris 
 
 riant 
 En 
 
 RONDEAU. 
 
 En souriant fus n'agueres surpris 
 D'une subtile entree tous affettee, 
 Que sous espoir ai souvent souhaitee, 
 Mais fus decue, quand s'arnour entrepris j 
 Car j'appereus que ses mignards souris 
 Etoient soustraits d'amour mal assuree 
 
 En souriant. 
 Ecus soleil dessus moi elle a pris, 
 M'entretenant sous manidre rusee; 
 Et quand je veux chez elle faire entree, 
 Me dit que suis entree tous mal appris 
 En souriant 
 
292 puzzles. 
 
 
 BONAPARTEAN CYPHER. 
 
 
 The following is a key to the cypher in which Napoleon 
 
 Bonaparte carried on his private correspondence : — 
 
 
 A 
 
 a 
 
 b 
 
 c 
 
 a 
 
 e 
 
 f 
 
 % 
 
 h 
 
 
 k 
 
 i 
 
 m 
 
 B 
 
 n 
 
 
 
 p 
 
 q 
 
 r 
 
 S 
 
 t 
 
 u 
 
 w 
 
 X 
 
 y 
 
 z 
 
 C 
 
 a 
 
 b 
 
 c 
 
 d 
 
 e 
 
 f 
 
 ff 
 
 h 
 
 
 k 
 
 l 
 
 m 
 
 D 
 
 z 
 
 n 
 
 
 
 P 
 
 q 
 
 r 
 
 s 
 
 t 
 
 
 w 
 
 X 
 
 y 
 
 E 
 
 a 
 
 b 
 
 c 
 
 (1 
 
 e 
 
 f 
 
 S 
 
 h 
 
 
 k 
 
 1 
 
 m 
 
 F 
 
 y 
 
 z 
 
 n 
 
 
 
 P 
 
 q 
 
 r 
 
 * 
 
 
 u 
 
 AV 
 
 X 
 
 G 
 
 a 
 
 b 
 
 c 
 
 d 
 
 e 
 
 f 
 
 g 
 
 h 
 
 
 k 
 
 1 
 
 m 
 
 II 
 
 X 
 
 y 
 
 z 
 
 n 
 
 
 
 p 
 
 q 
 
 r 
 
 
 t 
 
 u 
 
 w 
 
 I 
 
 a 
 
 b 
 
 c 
 
 d 
 
 e 
 
 f 
 
 fc 
 
 h 
 
 
 k 
 
 1 
 
 m 
 
 K 
 
 w 
 
 X 
 
 y 
 
 z 
 
 n 
 
 
 
 p 
 
 q 
 
 
 s 
 
 t 
 
 u 
 
 L 
 
 a 
 
 b 
 
 c 
 
 d 
 
 e 
 
 f 
 
 K 
 
 h 
 
 
 k 
 
 1 
 
 m 
 
 M 
 
 a 
 
 w 
 
 X 
 
 y 
 
 z 
 
 n 
 
 
 
 p 
 
 
 r 
 
 s 
 
 t 
 
 N 
 
 a 
 
 b 
 
 c 
 
 d 
 
 e 
 
 f 
 
 ft 
 
 h 
 
 
 k 
 
 1 
 
 m 
 
 
 
 t 
 
 u 
 
 w 
 
 X 
 
 y 
 
 E 
 
 n 
 
 
 
 p 
 
 q 
 
 r 
 
 s 
 
 P 
 
 a 
 
 b 
 
 c 
 
 d 
 
 e 
 
 f 
 
 ft 
 
 h 
 
 
 k 
 
 1 
 
 m 
 
 Q 
 
 s 
 
 t 
 
 u 
 
 w 
 
 X 
 
 y 
 
 z 
 
 n 
 
 
 
 P 
 
 q 
 
 r 
 
 R 
 
 a 
 
 b 
 
 c 
 
 d 
 
 e 
 
 f 
 
 ff 
 
 h 
 
 
 k 
 
 i 
 
 m 
 
 S 
 
 r 
 
 s 
 
 t 
 
 u 
 
 w 
 
 X 
 
 y 
 
 z 
 
 
 
 
 p 
 
 q 
 
 T 
 
 a 
 
 b 
 
 c 
 
 d 
 
 e 
 
 f 
 
 K 
 
 h 
 
 
 k 
 
 l 
 
 m 
 
 U 
 
 q 
 
 r 
 
 s 
 
 t 
 
 u 
 
 w 
 
 X 
 
 y 
 
 
 n 
 
 
 
 P 
 
 w 
 
 a 
 
 b 
 
 c 
 
 d 
 
 e 
 
 f 
 
 ff 
 
 h 
 
 
 k 
 
 1 
 
 m 
 
 X 
 
 P 
 
 q 
 
 r 
 
 s 
 
 t 
 
 u 
 
 w 
 
 X 
 
 
 z 
 
 n 
 
 
 
 Y 
 
 a 
 
 b 
 
 c 
 
 d 
 
 e 
 
 f 
 
 ff 
 
 h 
 
 
 k 
 
 1 
 
 m 
 
 Z 
 
 
 
 p 
 
 q 
 
 r 
 
 8 
 
 t 
 
 u 
 
 w 
 
 X 
 
 y 
 
 z 
 
 n 
 
 The sifbjoined is a proclamation, in cypher, fron 
 
 a Bonaparte 
 
 to the French army ; a copy of which was in the h 
 
 ands of one 
 
 or more persons in almost every regiment in the sei 
 
 vice. 
 
 PROCLAMATION. 
 
 
 Neyiptwhklmopenclziuwicetttklmeprtgzkp 
 
 
 Achwhrdpkdabkfntzimepunggwymgftgq 
 
 
 Efdearonwxqfkzxbchqnfmysnqangopolfa 
 
 
 PminfampabJarwccqznauruvzskqdknh 
 
 
 Hihydghbailxdfqkngtxyogwrlnlwtoy 
 
 
 Pbcizopbgairfgkpzawrwlqipdgacrkff 
 
 
 mwzfcrgpech. 
 
 
puzzles. 293 
 
 The same deciphered by means of the table and key : — 
 " Francais ! votre pays 6toit trahi ; votre Emporeur seul peut vous re- 
 mottre dans la position splendide que convient a la France. Donnez toute 
 votre confiance a. celui qui vous a toujours conduit a la gloire. Ses aigles 
 pleniront encore en l'air et Stonneront les nations." 
 
 Frenchmen ! your country was betrayed ; your Emperor alone can replace 
 you in the splendid state suitable to France. Give your entire confidence 
 to him who has always led you to glory. His eagles will again soar on 
 high and strike the nations with astonishment. 
 
 The key (which, it will be seen, may be changed at pleasure) 
 was in this instance " La France et ma famille," France and 
 my family. It is thus used : — 
 
 L being the first letter of the key, refer to that letter in the 
 first column of the cypher in capitals ; then look for the letter/, 
 which is the first letter of the proclamation, and that letter 
 which corresponds with/ being placed underneath, viz., n, is 
 that which is to be noted down. To decipher the proclama- 
 tion, of course the order of reference must be inverted, by 
 looking for the corresponding letter to n in the division oppo- 
 site that letter L which stands in the column. 
 
 CASE FOR THE LAWYERS. 
 
 X. Y. applies to A. B. to become a law pupil, offering to pay 
 him the customary fee as soon as he shall have gained his first 
 suit in law. To this A. B. formally agrees, and admits X. Y. 
 to the privileges of a student. Before the termination of X. 
 Y.'s pupilage, however, A. B. gets tired of waitiug for his 
 money, and determines to sue X. Y. for the amount. He rea- 
 sons thus : — If I gain this case, X. Y. will be compelled to pay 
 me by the decision of the court ; if I lose it, he wHl have to 
 pay me by the condition of our contract, he having won his 
 first law-suit. But X. Y. need not be alarmed when he learns 
 A. B.'s intention, for he may reason similarly. He may say, — 
 If I succeed, and the award of the court is in my favor, of 
 course I shall not have to pay the money ; if the court decides 
 against me, I shall not have to pay it, according to the terms of 
 our contract, as I shall not yet have gained my first suit in law. 
 Vive la logique. 
 
 25* 
 
294 
 
 PUZZLES. 
 
 sir isaac newton's riddle. 
 
 Four persons sat down at a table to play, 
 
 They played all that night and part of next day. 
 
 It must be observed that when they were seated, 
 
 Nobody played with them, and nobody betted ; 
 
 When they rose from the place, each was winner a guinea. 
 
 Now tell me this riddle, and prove you're no ninny. 
 
 cowper's RIDDLE. 
 
 I am just two and two, I am warm, I am cold, 
 And the parent of numbers that cannot be told; 
 I am lawful, unlawful, — a duty, a fault, 
 I am often sold dear, good for nothing when bought, 
 An extraordinary boon, and a matter of course, 
 And yielded with pleasure — when taken by force. 
 
 CANNING S RIDDLE. 
 
 There is a word of plural number, 
 A foe to peace and human slumber : 
 Now, .any word you chance to take, 
 By adding S, you plural make ; 
 But if you add an S to this, 
 How strange the metamorphosis ! 
 Plural is plural then no more, 
 And sweet, what bitter was before. 
 
 THE PRIZE ENIGMA. 
 
 The following enigma was found in the will of Miss Anna 
 Seward (the Swan of Lichfield), with directions to pay £50 to 
 the person who should discover the solution. When competi- 
 tion for the prize was exhausted, it was discovered to be a cur- 
 tailed copy'of a rebus published in the Gentleman's Magazine, 
 March, 1757, and at that time attributed to Lord Chesterfield. 
 
 The noblest object in the works of art, 
 The brightest scenes which nature can impart ; 
 The well-known signal in the time of peace, 
 .The point essential in a tenant's lease ; 
 The farmer's comfort as he drives the plough, 
 A soldier's duty, and a lover's vow ; 
 A contract made before the nuptial tie, 
 A blessing riches never can supply ; 
 
puzzles. 295 
 
 A spot that adds new charms to pretty faces, 
 An engine used in fundamental cases ; 
 A planet seen between the earth and sun, 
 A prize that merit never yet has won ; 
 A loss which prudence seldom can retrieve, 
 The death of Judas, and the fall of Eve ; 
 A part between the ankle and the knee, 
 A papist's toast, and a physician's fee ; 
 A wife's ambition, and a parson's dues, 
 A miser's idol, and the badge of Jews. 
 
 If now your happy genius can divine 
 The correspondent words in every line, 
 By the first letter plainly may be found 
 An ancient city that is much renowned. 
 
 quincy's COMPARISON. 
 Josiah Quiii cy, in the course of a speech in Congress ; in 
 1806, on the embargo, used the following language : — 
 
 They who introduced it abjured it. They who advocated it 
 did not wish, and scarcely knew, its use. And now that it is 
 said to be extended over us, no man in this nation, who values 
 his reputation, will take his Bible oath that it is in effectual 
 and legal operation. There is an old riddle on a coffin, which 
 I presume we all learned when we were boys, that is as perfect 
 a representation of the origin, progress, and present state of 
 this thing called non-intercourse, as it is possible to be con- 
 ceived : — 
 
 There was a man bespoke a thing, 
 Which when the maker home did bring, 
 That same maker did refuse it, — 
 The man that spoke for it did not use it, — 
 , And he who had it did not know 
 Whether he had it» yea or no. 
 
 True it is, that if this non-intercourse shall ever be, in 
 reality, subtended over us, the similitude will fail in a material 
 point. The poor tenant of the coffin is ignorant of his state. 
 But the people of the United States will be literally buried 
 alive in non-intercourse, and realize the grave closing on them- 
 selves and on their hopes, with a full and cruel consciousness 
 of all the horrors of their condition. 
 
296 puzzles. 
 
 singular intermarriages. 
 
 There were married at Durham, Canada East, an old lady and 
 gentleman, involving the following interesting connections: — 
 
 The old gentleman is married to his daughter's husband's 
 mother-in-law, and his daughter's husband's wife's mother. 
 And yet she is not his daughter's mother ; but she is his grand- 
 children's grandmother, and his wife's grandchildren are his 
 daughter's step-children. Consequently the old lady is united 
 in the bonds of holy matrimony and conjugal affection to her 
 daughter's brother-in-law's father-in-law, and her great-grand- 
 children's grandmother's step-father ; so that her son-in-law 
 may say to his children, Your grandmother is married to my 
 father-in-law, and yet he is not your grandfather; but he is 
 your grandmother's son-in-law's wife's father. This gentle- 
 man married his son-in-law's father-in-law's wife, and he is 
 bound to support and protect her for life. His wife is his 
 son-in-law's children's grandmother, and his son-in-law's grand 
 children's great-grandmother. 
 
 A Mr. Harwood had two daughters by his first wife, the 
 eldest of whom was married to John Coshick ; this Coshick 
 had a daughter by his first wife, whom old Harwood married, 
 and by her he had a son; therefore, John Coshick's second 
 wife could say as follows : — 
 
 My father is my son, and I'm my mother's mother ; 
 
 My sister is my daughter, and I'm grandmother to my brother. 
 
 PROPHETIC DISTICH. 
 
 In the year 1531, the following couplet was found written on 
 the wall behind the altar of the Augustinian monastery at 
 Gotha, when the building was taken down : — 
 
 MC quadratum, LX quoque duplicatum, 
 
 OR A PS peribit et Huss Wiclefque redibit. 
 MC quadratum is MCCCC, i.e. 1400. LX duplicatum is 
 LLXX, i.e. 120 = 1520. OR APS is an abbreviation for ora 
 pro nobis (pray for us). The meaning is, that in the sixteenth 
 century praying to the saints will cease, and Huss and Wickliffe 
 will again be recognized. 
 
puzzles. 297 
 
 * the number of the beast. 
 
 VIC ABIVS FILIl DEL 
 5 + 1 + 100 + 1+5 + 1 + 50 + 1 + 1 + 500 + 1 = 666. 
 
 Among the curious things extant in relation to Luther is the 
 covert attempt of an ingenious theological opponent to make 
 him the apocalyptic beast or antichrist described in Revelation 
 ch. xiii. The mysterious number of the beast, "six hundred 
 threescore and six/' excited the curiosity of mankind at a very 
 early period, particularly that of Irenaeus, in the second cen- 
 tury, who indulged in a variety of shrewd conjectures on the 
 subject. But after discovering the number in several names, 
 he modestly says, " Yet I venture not to pronounce positively 
 concerning the name of antichrist, for, had it been intended to 
 be openly proclaimed to the present generation, it would have 
 been uttered by the same person who saw the revelation." A 
 later expositor, Fevardent, in his Notes on IrenaBus, adds to 
 the list the name of Martin Luther, which, he says, was origi- 
 nally written Martin Lauter. " Initio vocabatur Martin Lauter" 
 says Fevardent j " cujus nominis literas si Pythagorice et ratione 
 subducas et more Hebraeorum et Graecorum alphabeti crescat 
 numerus, primo monadum, deinde decadum, hinc centuriarum, 
 numerus nominis BestiaB, id est, 666, tandem perfectum com- 
 peries. hoc pacto." , 
 
 M 
 
 30 
 
 L 
 
 20 
 
 A 
 
 1 
 
 A 
 
 1 
 
 R 
 
 80 
 
 U 
 
 200 
 
 T 
 
 100 
 
 T 
 
 100 
 
 I 
 
 9 
 
 E 
 
 5 
 
 N 
 
 40 
 
 R 
 
 80 
 
 Total, 666. 
 It is but just to Fevaordent, however, to observe that he sub- 
 sequently gave the preference to Maometis. 
 
 Galileo's logograph. 
 Galileo was the first to observe a peculiarity in the planet 
 Saturn, but his telescope had not sufficient refractive power to 
 separate the rings. It appeared to him like three bodies ar- 
 
298 puzzles. 
 
 ranged in the same straight line, of which the middle was the 
 largest, thus, 0Q0 . He announced his discovery to Kepler 
 under the veil of a logograph, which sorely puzzled his illustrious 
 cotemporary. This is not to be wondered at, for it ran — 
 Smasmrmilmepoetalevmibvnienvgttaviras. 
 Restoring the transposed letters to their proper places, we 
 have the following sentence : — 
 
 Altissimum planetam tergeminum observavi. 
 (I have observed the most distant planet to be threefold.) 
 
 PERSIAN RIDDLES. 
 Between a thick-set hedge of bones, 
 A small red dog now barks, now moans. 
 
 u \ anSuoj uvumq y „ 
 
 — 'Sum jeAVsire oqj 
 
 A soul abore it, 
 And a soul below, 
 With leather between, 
 And swift it doth go. 
 •ejpp'B.rjs-'B uBm q}TAi 'asaoq uq 
 aippva B si joavsuu eqj, 
 
 CHINESE TEA SONG. 
 
 Punch has favored the world with the following song, sung 
 before her Britannic Majesty by a Chinese lady. It looks rather 
 difficult at first \ but if the reader studies it attentively, he will 
 see how easy it is to read Chinese : — 
 
 Ohc ometo th ete asho pwit hme, 
 
 Andb uya po undo f thebe st, 
 
 'Twillpr oveam ostex cellentt ea, 
 
 Itsq ua lit yal lwi 11a tte st. 
 
 'Tiso nlyf oursh illi ngs apo und, 
 
 Soc omet othet eama rtan dtry, 
 
 Nob etterc anel sewh erebefou nd, 
 
 Ort hata nyoth er needb uy. 
 
 DEATH AND LIFE, 
 cur f • w d dis and p 
 
 A sed iend rought eath ease ain. 
 bles fr b br and ag 
 
puzzles. 299 
 
 the rebus. 
 Ben Jonson, in his play The Alchemist, takes an opportunity 
 of ridiculing the Rebus, among the other follies of his day 
 which he so trenchantly satirizes. When Abel Drugger, the 
 simple tobacconist, applies to the impostor Subtle to invent for 
 him a sign-board that will magically attract customers to his' 
 shop, the cheat says to his confederate, in presence of their 
 admiring dupe, — 
 
 I will have his name 
 
 Formed in some mystic character, whose radii, 
 
 Striking the senses of the passers-by, 
 
 Shall, by a virtual influence, breed affections 
 
 That may result upon the party owns it. 
 
 As thus: He first shall have a bell — that's Abel; 
 
 And by it standing one whose name is Dee, 
 
 In a rug gown; there's D and rug — that's Drug ; 
 
 And right anenst him a dog snarling er— 
 
 There's Drugger. Abel Drugger, that's his sign, 
 
 And here's now mystery and hieroglyphic. 
 
 A motto of the Bacon family in Somersetshire has an inge- 
 nious rebus, — 
 
 ProBa-conScientia ; 
 the capitals, thus placed, giving it the double reading, Proba 
 conscientia, and Pro Bacon Scientia. 
 
 WHAT IS IT? 
 A Headless man had a letter to write j 
 'Twas read by one who lost his Sight; 
 The Dumb repeated it word for word, 
 And he was Deaf who listened and heard. 
 
 THE BOOK OP RIDDLES. 
 
 The Book of Riddles alluded to by Shakspeare in the Merry 
 Wives of Windsor (Act I. sc. 1) is mentioned by Laneham, 
 1575, and in the English Courtier, 1586 ; but the earliest edi- 
 tion of this popular collection now preserved is dated 1629. It 
 is entitled The Boohe of Merry Riddles, together with proper 
 Questions and witty Proverbs to make pleasant pastime; no 
 less usefull then behovefull for any yong man or child, to know 
 
300 PUZZLES. 
 
 if he be quick-witted or no. The following extract from this 
 very rare work will be found interesting. 
 
 Here beginneth the first Riddle. 
 
 Two legs sat upon three legs, and had one leg in her hand ; 
 then in came foure legs, and bare away one leg ; then up start 
 two legs, and threw three legs at foure legs', and brought again 
 one leg. 
 
 Solution. — That is, a woman with two legs sate on a stoole 
 with three legs, and had a leg of mutton in her hand; then 
 came a dog that hath foure legs, and bare away the leg of mut- 
 ton ; then up start the woman, and threw the stoole with three 
 legs at the dog with foure legs, and brought again the leg of 
 mutton. 
 
 The Second Riddle. 
 
 He went to the wood and caught it, 
 He sate him down and sought it; 
 Because he could not finde it, 
 Home with him he brought it. 
 
 Solution. — That is a thorne : for a man went to the wood 
 and caught a thorne in his foote, and then he sate him downe, 
 and sought to have it pulled out, and because he could not find 
 it out, he must needs bring it home. 
 
 The iii. Riddle. 
 
 What work is that, the faster ye worke, the longer it is ere ye 
 have done, and the slower ye worke, the sooner ye make an end ? 
 
 Solution. — That is turning of a spit ; for if ye turne fast, it 
 will be long ere the meat be rosted, but if ye turne slowly, the 
 sooner it is rosted. 
 
 The iv. Riddle. 
 
 "What is that that shineth bright all day, and at night is 
 raked up in its own dirt ? 
 
 Solution. — That is the fire, that burneth bright all the day, 
 and at night is raked up in his ashes. 
 
 The v. Riddle. 
 I have a tree of great honour, 
 Which tree beareth both fruit and flower ; 
 
PUZZLES. 301 
 
 Twelve branches this tree hath nake, 
 Fifty [sic] nests therein he make, 
 And every nest hath birds seaven ; 
 Thanked be the King of Heaven ; 
 And every bird hath a divers name: 
 How may all this together frame ? 
 
 Solution. — The tree is the yeare ; the twelve branches be the 
 twelve months; the fifty-two nests be the fifty-two weekes; the 
 seven birds be the seven days in the weeke, whereof every one 
 hath a divers name. 
 
 BISHOP WILBERFORCE's PUZZLE. 
 
 All pronounce me a wonderful piece of mechanism, and yet 
 few people have numbered the strange medley of which I am 
 composed. I have a large box and two lids, two caps, two 
 musical instruments, a number of weathercocks, three established 
 measures, some weapons of warfare, and a great many little 
 articles that carpenters cannot do without; then I have about 
 me a couple of esteemed fishes, and a great many of a smaller 
 kind ; two lofty trees, and the fruit of an indigenous plant ; a 
 handsome stag, and a great number of a smaller kind of game ; 
 two halls or places of worship, two students or rather scholars, 
 the stairs of a hotel, and half a score of Spanish gentlemen 
 to attend: on me. I have what is the terror of the slave, also 
 two domestic animals, and a number of negatives." 
 
 Reply. — " Chest — eye-lids — kneecaps — drum of the ear — veins — hand, foot, nail — 
 arms — nails — soles of the feet — muscles — palms — apple — heart (hart) — hairs (hares) 
 temples— pupils— insteps— tendons (ten Dons)— lashes— calves— nose (no's.)" 
 
 CURIOSITIES OF CIPHER. 
 
 In 16 t 80, when M. de Louvoiswas French Minister of War, 
 he summoned before him one day, a gentleman named Cha- 
 milly, and gave him the following instructions : — 
 
 " Start this evening for Basle, in Switzerland, which you will 
 reach in three days; on the fourth, punctually at two o'clock, 
 station yourself on the bridge over the Rhine, with a portfolio, 
 
 26 
 
302 PUZZLES. 
 
 ink, and a pen. Watch all that takes place, and make a memoran- 
 dum of every particular. Continue doing so for two hours ; have 
 a carriage and post-horses await you; and at four precisely, 
 mount and travel night and day till you reach Paris. On the 
 instant of your arrival, hasten to me with your notes." 
 
 De Chamilly obeyed; he reaches Basle, and on the day, and 
 at the hour appointed, stations himself, pen in hand, on the 
 bridge. .Presently a market-cart drives by, then an old woman 
 with a basket of fruit passes; anon, a little urchin trundles 
 his hoop by; next an old gentlemen in blue top-coat jogs past 
 on his gray mare. Three o'clock chimes from the cathedral- 
 tower. Just at the last stroke, a tall fellow in yellow waistcoat 
 and breeches saunters up, goes to the middle of the bridge, 
 lounges over, and looks at the water ; then he takes a step back 
 and strikes three hearty blows on the footway with his staff. 
 Down goes every detail in De Chamilly's book. At last the 
 hour of release sounds, and he jumps into his carriage. Shortly 
 before midnight, after two days of ceaseless traveling, De 
 Chamilly presented himself before the Minister, feeling rather 
 ashamed at having such trifles to record. M. de Louvois took 
 the portfolio with eagerness, and glanced over the notes. As 
 his eye caught the mention of the yellow-breeched man, a gleam 
 of joy flashed across his countenance. He rushed to the king, 
 roused him from sleep, spoke in private with him for a few 
 moments, and then four couriers, who had been held in readiness 
 since five on the preceding evening, were dispatched with haste. 
 Eight days after the town of Strasbourg was entirely surrounded 
 by French troops, and summoned to surrender; it capitulated 
 and threw open its gates on the 30th September, 1681. Evi- 
 dently the three strokes of the stick given by the fellow in 
 yellow costume, at an appointed hour, were . the signal of the 
 success of an intrigue concerted between M. de Louvois and 
 the magistrates of Strasbourg, and the man who executed this 
 mission was as ignorant of the motive as was M. de Chamilly 
 of the motive of his errand. 
 
puzzles. 303 
 
 Now this is a specimen of the safest of all secret communi- 
 cations; but it can only be resorted to on certain rare occasions. 
 When a lengthy dispatch is required to be forwarded, and when 
 such means as those given above are out of the question, some 
 other method must be employed. Herodotus gives us a story 
 to the point; it is found also, with variations, in Aulus 
 Gellius : — 
 
 " Histiaeus, when he was anxious to give Aristagoras orders 
 to revolt, could find but one safe way, as the roads were guarded, 
 of making his wishes known ; which was by taking the trustiest 
 of his slaves, shaving all the hair from off his head, and then 
 pricking letters upon the skin, and waiting till the hair grew 
 again. This accordingly he did ; and as soon as ever the hair 
 was grown, he dispatched the man to Miletus, giving him no 
 other message than this : ' When thou art come to Miletus, bid 
 Aristagoras shave thy head, and look thereon.' Now the marks 
 on the head were a command to revolt." — (Bk. V. 35.) 
 
 Is this case no cipher was employed. We shall come now to 
 the use of ciphers. 
 
 When a dispatch or communication runs great risk of falling 
 into the hands of the enemy, it is necessary that its contents 
 should be so veiled that the possession of the document may 
 afford him no information whatever. Julius Caesar and Augustus 
 used ciphers, but they were of the utmost simplicity, as they 
 consisted merely in placing D in the place of A ; E in that of 
 B and so on ; or else in writing B for A, and C for B, &c. 
 
 Secret characters were used at the Council of Nicaea; and 
 Kabanus Maurus, Abbot of Fulda and Archbishop of Mayence, 
 in the Ninth Century, has left us an example of two ciphers, the 
 key to which was discovered by the Benedictines. It is only a 
 wonder that any one could have failed to unravel them at the 
 first glance. This is a specimen of the first : — 
 
 .Nc.p.tv:rs:.:sB::nf:c..:rch.gl::r::s.q:.::m: 
 rt.r .s 
 
304 PUZZLES. 
 
 The clue to this is the suppression of the vowels and the 
 filling of their places by dots — one for i, two for a, three for e, 
 four for o, and five for u. In the second example, the same 
 sentence would run — Knckpkt vfrsxs Bpnkf bckk, &c, the vowel 
 places being filled by the consonants — b, f, k, p, x. By chang- 
 ing every letter in the alphabet, we make a vast improvement 
 on this last ; thus, for instance, supplying the place of a with z, 
 b with x, c w;th v, and so on. This is the very system employed 
 by an advertiser in a provincial paper, which we took up the 
 other day in the waiting-room of a station, where it had been 
 left by a farmer. As we had some minutes to spare, before the 
 train was due, we spent them in deciphering the following: — 
 
 Jp Sjddjzbrza rzdd ci sijmr. Bziw rzdd xrndzt, and in ten 
 minutes we read : " If William can call or write, Mary will be 
 glad." 
 
 When the Chevalier de Rohan was in the Bastile his friends 
 wanted to convey to him the intelligence that his accomplice 
 was dead without having confessed. They did so by passing 
 the following words into his dungeon written on a shirt : " Mg 
 dulhxecclgu ghj yxuj ; lm ct ulge alj." In vain did he puzzle 
 over the cipher, to which he had not the clue. It was too 
 short; for the shorter a cipher letter, the more difficult it is to 
 make out. The light faded, and he tossed on his hard bed, 
 sleeplessly revolving the mystic- letters in his brain ; but he 
 could make nothing out of them. Day dawned, and with its 
 first gleam he was poring over them ; still in vain. He pleaded 
 guilty, for he could not decipher " Le prisonnier est mort; il 
 n'a rien dit." 
 
 A curious instance of cipher occured at the close of the 
 sixteenth century, when the Spaniards were endeavoring to 
 establish relations between the scattered branches of their vast 
 monarchy, which at that period embraced a large portion of 
 Italy, the Low Countries, the Philippines, and enormous districts 
 in the New World. They accordingly invented a cipher, which 
 they varied from time to time, in order to disconcert those who 
 
PUZZLES. 305 
 
 might attempt to pry into the mysteries of their correspondence. 
 The cipher, composed of fifty signs, was of great value to them 
 through all the troubles of the "Ligue," and the wars then 
 desolating Europe. Some of their dispatches having been in- 
 tercepted, Henry IV. handed them over to a clever mathe- 
 matician, Viete, with the request that he would find the clue. 
 He did so, and was able also to follow it as it varied, and 
 France profited for two years by his discovery. The Court of 
 Spain, disconcerted at this, accused Viete before the Roman 
 Court as a sorcerer and in league with the devil. This proceed- 
 ing only gave rise to laughter and ridicule. 
 
 A still more remarkable instance is that of a German profes- 
 sor, Herman, who boasted, in 1752, that he had discovered a 
 cryptograph absolutely incapable of being deciphered without 
 the clue being given by him; and he defied all the savants and 
 learned societies of Europe to discover the key. However, a 
 French refugee, named Beguelin, managed after eight days' 
 study to read it. The cipher — though we have the rules upon 
 which it is formed before us — is to us perfectly unintelligible. 
 It is grounded on some changes of numbers and symbols; 
 the numbers vary, being at one time multiplied, at another 
 added, and become so complicated that the letter c, which 
 occurs nine times in the paragraph, is represented in eight 
 different ways; n is used eight times, and has seven various 
 signs. Indeed, the same letter is scarcely ever represented 
 by the same figure. But this is not all ; the character which 
 appears in the place of i takes that of n shortly after ; another 
 symbol for n stands also for t. How any man could have 
 solved the mystery of this cipher is astonishing. 
 
 All these cryptographs consist in the exchange of numbers 
 of characters for the real letters ; but there are other methods 
 quite as intricate, which dispense with them. 
 
 The mysterious cards of the Count de Vergennes are an 
 instance. De Vergennes was Minister of Foreign Affairs 
 U 26* 
 
306 PUZZLES. 
 
 under Louis XVI., and he made use of cards of a peculiar 
 nature in his relations with the diplomatic agents of France. 
 These cards were used in letters of recommendation or pass- 
 ports, which were given to strangers about to enter France; 
 they were intended to furnish information without the 
 knowledge of the bearers. This was the system. The card 
 given to a man contained only a few words, such as : — 
 
 ALPHONSE D'ANGEHA, 
 
 Recommande a Monsieur 
 
 le Comte de Vergennes, par le Marquis de Puysegur, Ambassadeur 
 
 de France a la Cour de Lisbonne. 
 
 The card told more tales than the words written on it. Its 
 color indicated the nation of the stranger. Yellow showed 
 him to be English; red, Spanish; white, Portuguese; green, 
 Dutch; red and white, Italian; red and green, Swiss; green 
 and white, Russian; &c. The person's age was expressed by 
 the shape of the card. If it were circular, he was under 
 25 ; oval, between 25 and 30 ; octagonal, between 30 and 45 ; 
 hexagonal, between 45 and 50 ; square, between 50 and 60 ; 
 an oblong showed that he was over 60. Two lines placed 
 below the name of the bearer indicated his build. If he were 
 tall and lean, the lines were waving and parallel ; tall and stout, 
 they converged ; and so on. The expression of his face was 
 shown by a flower in the border. A rose designated an open 
 and amiable countenance, whilst a tulip marked a pensive and 
 aristocratic appearance. A fillet round the border, according 
 to its length, told whether he were bachelor, married, or 
 widower. Dots gave information as to his position and fortune. 
 A full stop after his name showed that he was a Catholic ; a 
 semicolon . that he was a Lutheran ; a comma, that he was a 
 Calvinist ; a dash, that he was a Jew ; no stop indicated him an 
 Atheist. So also his morals and character were pointed out by 
 a pattern in the card. So, at one glance the Minister could 
 tell all about his man, whether he were a gamester or a duelist; 
 what was his purpose in visiting France; whether in search 
 
puzzles. 307 
 
 of a wife or to claim a legacy; what was his profession — 
 that of physician, lawyer, or man of letters; whether he 
 were to be put under surveillance or allowed to go his way 
 unmolested. 
 
 We come now to a class of cipher which requires a certain 
 amount of literary dexterity to conceal the clue. 
 
 During the Great Rebellion, Sir John Trevanion, a dis- 
 tinguished cavalier, was made prisoner, and locked up in 
 Colchester Castle. Sir Charles Lucas and Sir George Lisle had 
 just been made examples of, as a warning to " malignants :" 
 and Trevanion had every reason for expecting a similar bloody 
 end. As he awaits his doom, indulging in a hearty curse 
 in round cavalier terms at the canting, crop-eared scoundrels 
 who hold him in durance vile, and muttering a wish that he 
 had fallen, sword in hand, facing the foe, he is startled by the 
 entrance of the jailor, who hands him a letter : 
 
 "May't do thee good," growls the fellow; "it has been well 
 looked to before it was permitted to come to thee." 
 
 Sir John takes the letter, and the jailor leaves him his lamp 
 by which to read it : — 
 
 Worthie Sir John : — Hope, that is ye best comport of ye afflictyd, 
 cannot much, I fear me, help you now. That I wolde saye to you, is this 
 only : if ever I may be able to requite that I do owe you, stand not upon 
 asking of me. "lis not much I can do ; but what I can do, bee verie sure 
 I wille. I knowe that, if dethe comes, if ordinary men fear it, it fiaghts 
 not you, accounting it for a high honour, to have such a rewarde of your 
 loyalty. Pray yet that you may be spared this soe bitter, cup. I fear 
 not tbat you will grudge any sufferings; only if it bie submission you 
 can turn them away, 'tis the part of a wise man. Tell me, an if you can, 
 to do for you any thinge that you would have done. The general goes 
 back on Wednesday. Restinge your servant to command. R. T. 
 
 £Jow this letter was written according to a preconcerted 
 cipher. Every third letter after a stop was to tell. In this 
 way Sir John made out — " Panel at east end of chapel slides." 
 On the following even, the prisoner begged to be allowed to 
 pass an hour of private devotion in the chapel. By means of 
 
308 PUZZLES. 
 
 a bribe, this was accomplished. Before the hour had expired, 
 the chapel was empty — the bird had flown. 
 
 An excellent plan of indicating the telling letter or words is 
 through the heading of the letter. " Sir," would signify that 
 every third letter was to be taken; "Dear Sir," that every 
 seventh; "My dear sir," that every ninth was to be selected. 
 A system, very early adopted, was that of having pierced cards, 
 through the holes of which the communication was written. 
 The card was then removed, and the blank spaces filled up. As 
 for example : — 
 
 My dear X. — [The] lines I now send you are forwarded by the kind- 
 ness of the [Bearer], who is a friend. [Is not] the message delivered yet 
 [to] my brother? [Be] quick about it, for I have all along [trusted] that 
 you would act with discretion and dispatch. Yours ever, Z. 
 
 Put your card over the note, and through the piercings you 
 will read: "The Bearer is not to be trusted." 
 
 Poe, in his story of " The Gold Bug," gives some valuable 
 hints on the interpretation of the most common cryptographs. 
 He contends that the ingenuity of man can construct no enigma 
 which the ingenuity of man cannot unravel. And he actually 
 read several very difficult ciphers which were sent to him after 
 the publication of "The Gold Bug." 
 
 But we saw, several years ago, a method which makes the 
 message absolutely safe from detection. We will try to de- 
 scribe it. 
 
 Take a square sheet of paper of convenient size, say a foot 
 square. Divide it by lines drawn at right angles into five 
 hundred and seventy-six squares, twenty-six each way; in the 
 upper horizontal row write the alphabet in its natural order, one 
 letter in each square ; in the second horizontal row write the 
 alphabet, beginning with B. There will then be one square 
 left at the end of this row; into this put A. Fill the third row 
 by beginning with C, and writing A and B after Z at the end. 
 So on until the whole sheet is filled. When completed, the 
 table, if correct, will present this appearance. In the upper 
 
PUZZLES. 309 
 
 horizontal row, the alphabet in its natural order from left to 
 right ; in the left-hand vertical row, the same from top to bottom ; 
 and the diagonal, from upper right to lower left-hand corner, 
 will be a line of Z's. 
 
 Each party must have one of the tables. A keyword must be 
 agreed upon, which may be any word in the English language, 
 or from any other language if it can be represented by English 
 letters, or, indeed, it may even be a combination of letters 
 which spells nothing. 
 
 Now, to send a message, first write the message in plain 
 English. Over it write the key-word, letter over letter, repeat- 
 ing it as many times as it is necessary to cover the message. Take 
 a simple case as an illustration. Suppose the key-word to be 
 Grant, and the message We have five days' provisions. It 
 should be placed thus : — 
 
 Grantgran tgrantgrantgran 
 Wehavef iveday sprovisi ons 
 
 Now find, in the upper horizontal row of the table, the first 
 letter of the key-word, G-, and in the left-hand vertical column, 
 the first letter of the message, W. Run a line straight down 
 from G, and one to the right from W, and in the angle where 
 the two lines meet will be found the letter which must be 
 written as the first letter of the cipher. With the second letter 
 of the key-word, R, and the second letter of the message, E, 
 find in the same way the second letter of the cipher. 
 
 The correspondent who receives the cipher goes to work to 
 translate it thus : — He first writes over it the key-word, letter 
 over letter, repeating it as often as necessary. Then finding in 
 the upper row of his table the first letter of the key-word, he 
 passes his pencil directly down until he comes to the first letter 
 or the cipher; the letter opposite to it in the left vertical column 
 is the first letter of the translation. Each of the succeeding 
 letters is found in a similar way. 
 
 A third party, into whose hands such a cipher might fall, 
 
310 THE REASON WHY. 
 
 could not read it, though he possessed a copy of the table and 
 knew how to use it, unless' he knew the key-word. The chance 
 of his guessing this is only one in millions. And there is no 
 such thing as interpreting it by any other method, because there 
 are no repetitions, and hence all comparison is at fault. That is 
 to say, in the same cipher, in one place a letter, as for instance 
 C may stand for one letter in the translation;' and in another 
 place C may stand for quite a different letter. This is the only 
 kind of cryptograph we have ever seen which is absolutely safe. 
 
 WHY THE GERMANS EAT SAUER-KRAUT. 
 
 The reason why the most learned people on earth eat sauer- 
 kraut may be found in the following extract from a work entitled 
 Petri Andraoe Mattliioli Senensis medici commentarLi in sex 
 libros Pedacii Dioscoridis de Materia Medica. Venetiis. ex 
 officina. Valgrisiana MDLXV. Traduit de Latin en Francais, 
 par M. Antoine du Pinet. Lyon, MDCLV. Preface, p. 13. 
 ligne 30 : " Finally, in order to omit nothing which can add to 
 the knowledge of simples, it must be noted that Nature, mother 
 and producer of all things, has created various simples, which 
 have a sympathy or natural antipathy to each other; which is 
 a very considerable point in this matter, and has no like as a 
 mystery and secret. And thus it has seemed to me good to 
 hint a word about it, and principally of those which are used in 
 medicine. To commence, then, with the oak and the olive; 
 these two trees hate each other in such sort that, if you plant 
 one in the hole from which the other was dug, it will die there; 
 and, even if you plant one near the other, they will work each 
 other's death. The cabbage and the vine do the like; for it 
 has been seen that, if you plant a cabbage at the foot of a vine, 
 
THE REASON WHY. 311 
 
 the vine will recoil and draw itself away. And thus it is no 
 marvel that the cabbage is very useful to sober topers, and that 
 the Germans eat it commonly in a compost to safeguard them- 
 selves from their wine." 
 
 WHY PENNSYLVANIA WAS SETTLED. 
 
 Perm refused to pull his hat off 
 Before the king, and therefore sat off, 
 Another country to light pat on, 
 Where he might worship with his hat on. 
 
 HUGUENOTS. 
 
 They were so called because their first places of meeting in 
 the city of Tours (where Calvin's opinions first prevailed) were 
 cellars under-ground, near Hugo's Gate [Heb. XI. 38], whence 
 the vulgar applied this name to them. 
 
 ROYAL DEMISE. 
 
 How monarchs die is easily explained, 
 
 And thus upon the tomb it might be chisePd ; 
 
 As long as George the Fourth could reign, he reigned, 
 And then he mizzled. 
 
 BOSTON. 
 
 In the seventh century a Roman Catholic monk by the name 
 of Botolph, or Bot-holp, viz., Boat-help, founded a church in 
 what is now Lincolnshire, England. Gradually a town grew 
 up around the church, and was called Botolphstown, which was 
 afterward contracted into Botolphston, and then shortened to 
 Botoston, and finally to Boston. From that town of Boston in 
 Lincolnshire came to America the Rev. John Cotton, who gave 
 the name to the New England Capital. So that the metropolis 
 of good old Puritan Massachusetts was, it seems, named in 
 honor of a Roman Catholic saint and monk ! 
 
312 THE REASON WHY. r 
 
 WEATHERCOCKS. 
 
 The vane or weathercock must have been of very early origin. 
 Vitruvius calls it triton, evidently from an ancient form. The 
 usual form on towers and castles was that of a banner; but on 
 ecclesiastical edifices, it generally was a weathercock. There 
 was a symbolical reason for the adoption of the figure of a cock. 
 The cross was surmounted by a ball, to symbolize the redemp- 
 tion of the world by the cross of Christ; and the cock was 
 placed upon the cross in allusion to the repentance of St. Peter, 
 and to remind us of the important duties of repentance and 
 Christian vigilance. Apart from symbolism, the large tail of 
 the cock is well adapted to turn with the wind, just as is the ar- 
 row which is so frequently chosen. 
 
 CUTTING OFF WITH A SHILLING. 
 
 According to Blackstone (ii. 32), the Romans were wont to 
 set aside testaments as being inofficiosa, deficient in natural duty, 
 if they disinherited or totally passed by (without assigning a 
 true and sufficient reason) any of the children of the testator. 
 But if the child had any legacy, though ever so small, it was a 
 proof that the testator had not lost his memory or his reason, 
 which otherwise the law presumed ; but was then supposed to 
 have acted thus for some substantial cause, and in such case no 
 querula inofficiosi testamenti was allowed. Hence, probably, has 
 arisen that groundless error of the necessity of leaving the heir 
 a shilling, or some such express legacy, in order to disinherit 
 him effectually. Whereas the law of England makes no such 
 constrained suppositions of forgetful n ess or insanity; and, there- 
 fore, though the heir or next of kin be totally omitted, it admits 
 no querula inofficiosi to set aside such a testament. 
 
 cardinal's red hat. 
 The red hat was given to cardinals by Pope Innocent IV., in 
 the first Council of Lyons, held in 1245, to signify that by that 
 color they should be always ready to shed their blood in defence 
 of the church. 
 
THE REASON WHY 313 
 
 THE ROAST BEEF OP ENGLAND. 
 
 Brave Betty was a maiden Queen, 
 
 Bold and clever ! bold and clever ! 
 King Philip, then a Spaniard King, 
 
 To court her did endeavor. 
 Queen Bess she frowned and stroked her ruff, 
 And gave the mighty Don a huff: 
 For which he swore her ears he'd cuff, 
 
 All with his grand Armada. 
 Says Royal Bess, " I'll vengeance take !" 
 
 Blessings on her ! blessings on her ! 
 "But first I'll eat a nice beefsteak, 
 
 All with my maids of honor." 
 Then to her admirals she went, 
 Drake, Effingham, and Howard sent, 
 Who soon dished Philip's armaftient, 
 
 And banged his grand Armada. 
 
 A SENSIBLE QUACK. 
 
 An empiric was asked by a regular physician how it was 
 that, without education or skill, he contrived to live in con- 
 siderable style, while he could hardly subsist. "Why" said 
 the other, "how many people do you think have passed us 
 lately?" "Perhaps a hundred. " "And how many of them do 
 you think possess common sense?" "Possibly one." "Why, 
 then," said the quack, " that one goes to you, and I get the 
 other ninety-nine." 
 
 GENEALOGY. 
 
 The doggerel couplet repeated in varied forms but usually 
 
 presented in this shape — 
 
 When Adam delved and Eve span, 
 Who was then the gentleman ? 
 
 is a translation of the German 
 
 Da Adam hackt und Eva spann, 
 Wer war damals der Edelmann? 
 
 which is further referred to a wag who had written the couplet 
 on a wall near to which the Emperor Maximilian was tracing 
 
 27 
 
314 the reason why. 
 
 his pedigree ; upon which the Emperor wrote the following 
 impromptu : — 
 
 Ich bin ein Mann wie ein ander Mann, 
 
 Nur dass mir Gott die Ehre gann, 
 (I am a man like another man, only that God gave honor to me. ) 
 
 A juggler's MYSTERY. 
 
 The French Government, which formerly sent dancing-girls 
 and comic actors to cheer up its soldiers when they were 
 ordered away from the dancing-saloons and theatres, so common 
 throughout France, engaged Mr. Robert Houdin to go to 
 Algeria and exhibit his best feats of legerdemain before the 
 natives, to shake the excessive influence exerted by the mara- 
 bouts or priests, whose ^)ower seems to be established solely on 
 their adroit jugglery. The marabouts were not disposed to 
 yield to the new-comer's powers without a struggle, and pressed 
 him as hard as they could. M. Houdin was successful, but his 
 victory was not altogether easy, as he tells in the following 
 narrative : — 
 
 The marabout said to me: "I believe now in your super- 
 natural power. You are Teally a sorcerer. I hope, therefore, 
 you will not refuse to repeat here an exhibition of your powers 
 made on your stage." He gave me two pistols, which he had 
 concealed under his bournous, and said : " Choose one of those, 
 pistols ; we are going to load it, and I shall fire it at you. You 
 have nothing to fear, since you know how to parry any bullet." 
 I confess I was for a moment dumb with embarrassment. I 
 tried my best to think of some subterfuge, but I could think 
 of nothing. Every eye was fixed on me, in expectation of my 
 reply. The marabout was triumphant. 
 
 Bou Allem, who knew that my tricks were due solely to my 
 adroitness, became angry that his guests should be annoyed in 
 this barbarous way, and he scolded the marabout. I stopped 
 him. An idea had struck me which would at least extricate 
 me for the moment from my embarrassment. So I said to the 
 marabout, speaking with all the assurance I could summon: 
 
THE REASON WHY. 315 
 
 " You know that I am not invulnerable unless I have a talisman 
 on me. Unfortunately, I have left it at Algiers." The mara- 
 bout began to laugh incredulously. " Nevertheless," I went on 
 to say, "if I remain in prayer for six hours, I shall be able to 
 make myself invulnerable to your pistol, even though I have 
 no talisman. To-morrow morning, at eleven o'clock, I shall let 
 you fire at me before all these Arabs, who are witnesses of your 
 challenge." Bou Allem, astonished to hear me make such 
 a promise, came up and asked me in a low tone if I was 
 speaking seriously, and if he should invite the Arabs to come 
 the next day. I told him I was. I need not say I did not 
 spend the night in prayers, but I worked for two hours to make 
 myself invulnerable, and then satisfied with my success, I went 
 to sleep with a great deal of pleasure, for I was horribly tired. 
 We breakfasted before eight o'clock, the next morning; our 
 horses were saddled, and our escort was waiting the signal of 
 departure, which was to take place immediately after the famous 
 experiment. The same persons who were present at the chal- 
 lenge the day before, were at the rendezvous, and a great many 
 other Arabs who had heard of what was to take place, had come 
 to witness it. 
 
 The pistols were brought. I made them observe the touch- 
 hole was clear. The marabout put a good load of powder in 
 the pistol and rammed it down well. I chose a ball from among 
 the balls brought, I ostensibly put it in the pistol and rammed 
 it thoroughly. The marabout kept a good eye on me : his honor 
 was at stake. The second pistol was loaded as the first had 
 been, and now came the trying moment. Trying indeed it was 
 for everybody. For the Arabs around, uncertain how the ex- 
 periment would end ; for my wife, who had in vain begged me 
 not to try the experiment which she was afraid of — and I 
 confess it, trying for me, as my new trick was based on none of 
 the expedients I had hitherto used, and I was afraid of some 
 mistake, some treachery, some accident. Nevertheless, I stood 
 fifteen paces in front of the marabout, without exhibiting the 
 
316 THE REASON WHY. 
 
 least emotion. The marabout instantly took up one of the 
 pistols, and at the given signal he aimed deliberately at me. 
 He fired. I caught the ball in my teeth. More irritated than 
 ever, the marabout ran to snatch up the other pistol; I was 
 quickest and I seized it. " You failed to draw blood from me," 
 said I to him; "now look, I am going to draw blood from that 
 wall yonder." I fired at a wall which had just been white- 
 washed ; instantly a large clot of blood was seen on it. The 
 marabout went up to it, put a finger on it, tasted it, and satisfied 
 himself it was really blood. His arms fell down at his side, he 
 hung his head, he was overcome. It was evident he doubted 
 now of everything, even of the Prophet. The Arabs raised their 
 hands to Heaven, muttered prayers, and looked at me with 
 dread. 
 
 This trick, however curious it may seem, is managed easily 
 enough. I shall describe it. As soon as I was alone in my 
 chamber, I took out of my pistol-case (which I carry with me 
 wherever I go) 'a ball-mould. I took a card, turned up its 
 corners and made a sort of recipient of it, in which I placed 
 a lump of stearine, taken from one of the candles in the room. 
 As soon as the stearine was melted, I mixed a little lamp-black 
 with it — which I obtained by holding a knife over a lighted 
 candle — and then I poured this composition into my ball-mould. 
 If I had allowed the liquid stearine to become entirely cold, 
 the ball would have been solid; but after ten or twelve seconds 
 I reversed the mould, and the portion of the stearine which was 
 not yet solid flowed out and left a hollow ball in the mould. 
 This, by the way, is the mode in which the hollow candles used 
 in the churches are made ; the thickness of the sides depends 
 on the time the melted stearine or wax is left in the mould. I 
 wanted a second ball. I made it a little thicker than the first. 
 I filled it with blood, and I closed the aperture with a drop of 
 stearine. An Irishman had showed me years before, how to 
 extract blood from the thumb without pain: I adopted his trick 
 to fill my ball with blood. It is hard to believe how nearly these 
 
WEATHER-WISDOM. 317 
 
 projectiles of stearine, colored with lamp-black, look like lead: 
 they will deceive anybody, even when examined quite closely. 
 The reader now clearly sees through the trick. While exhibiting 
 the lead bullet to the spectators, I changed it for my hollow ball, 
 and this last I ostensibly placed in the pistol. I rammed it 
 down, to break the stearine into small pieces, which could not 
 reach me at fifteen paces. As soon as the pistol was discharged, 
 I opened my mouth and exhibited the lead ball between my 
 teeth. The second pistol contained the ball filled with blood, 
 which was broken to pieces on the wall, where it left the spot 
 of blood, while the pieces of stearine could no where be found. 
 This is the whole mystery. 
 
 Sheridan's rhyming calendar. 
 
 January snowy, July moppy, 
 
 February flowy, August croppy, 
 
 March blowy, September poppy, 
 
 April showery, October breezy, 
 
 May flowery, November wheezy, 
 
 June bowery, December freezy. 
 
 SIR HUMPHRY DAVY ON WEATHER-OMENS. 
 
 In his shepherd's calling he was prompt, 
 And watchful more than ordinary men. 
 Hence had he learned the meaning of all winds, 
 Of blasts of every tone; and oftentimes, 
 When others heeded not, he heard the South 
 Make subterraneous music, like the noise 
 Of bagpipes upon distant Highland hills. 
 
 The late Sir Humphry Davy, one of the most successful 
 modern explorers of the secrets of nature, was not above at- 
 tending to, and explaining, the " weather-omens n which are 
 derived from popular observation. 
 
 In his Salmonia he has the following dialogue between 
 Haliens, (a fly-fisher,) Poietes, (a poet,) Physicus, (a man of 
 science,) and Ornither, (a sportsman) : — 
 
 27* 
 
318 WEATHER-WISDOM. 
 
 Poiet. — T hope we shall have another good day to-morrow, 
 for the clouds are red in the west. 
 
 Phys. — I have no doubt of it, for the red has a tint of purple. 
 
 Hal. — Do you know why this tint portends fine weather ? 
 
 Phys. — The air, when dry, I believe, refracts more red, or 
 heat-making rays; and as dry air is not perfectly transparent, 
 they are again refracted in the horizon. I have generally ob- 
 served a coppery or yellow sunset to foretell rain ; but as an in- 
 dication of wet weather approaching, nothing is more certain 
 than a halo round the moon, which is produced by precipitated 
 water; and the larger the circle, the nearer the clouds, and 
 consequently the more ready to fall. 
 
 Hal. — I have often observed that the old proverb is correct, — 
 
 A rainbow in the morning is the shepherd's warning ; 
 A rainbow at night is the shepherd's delight. 
 
 Can you explain this omen ? 
 
 Phys. — A rainbow can only occur when the clouds contain- 
 ing or depositing the rain are opposite the sun, — and in the 
 evening the rainbow is in the east, and in the morning in the 
 west ; and as our heavy rains, in this climate, are usually 
 brought by the westerly wind, a rainbow in the west indicates 
 that the bad weather is on the road, by the wind, to us; 
 whereas the rainbow in the east proves that the rain in these 
 clouds is passing from us. 
 
 Poiet. — I have often observed that when the swallows fly 
 high, fine weather is to be expected or continued ; but when 
 they fly low, and close to the ground, rain is almost surely ap- 
 proaching. Can you account for this ? 
 
 Hal. — Swallows follow the flies and gnats, and flies and gnats 
 usually delight in warm strata of air; and as warm air is lighter, 
 and usually mpister, than cold air, when the warm strata of air 
 are high, there is less chance of moisture being thrown down 
 from them by the mixture with cold air; but when the warm 
 and moist air is close to the surface, it is almost certain that, as 
 the cold air flows down into it, a deposition of water will take 
 place. 
 
WEATHER-WISDOM. 319 
 
 Poict. — I have often seen sea-gulls assemble on the land, and 
 have almost always observed that very stormy and rainy wea- 
 ther was approaching. I conclude that these animals, sensible 
 of a current of air approaching from the ocean, retire to the 
 land to shelter themselves from the storm. 
 
 Om. — No such thing. The storm is their element, and the 
 little petrel enjoys the heaviest gale, because, living on the 
 smaller sea-insects, he is sure to find his food in the spray of a 
 heavy wave; and you may see him flitting above the edge of the 
 highest surge. I believe that the reason of this migration of 
 sea-gulls, and other sea-birds, to the land, is their security of 
 finding food; and they may be observed at this time feeding/ 
 greedily on the earth-worms and larvae driven out of the 
 ground by severe floods; and the fish, on which they prey in 
 fine weather in the sea, leave the surface, and go deeper, in 
 storms. The search after food, as we have agreed on a former 
 occasion, is the principal cause why animals change their places. 
 The different tribes of the wading birds always migrate when 
 rain is about to take place ; and I remember once, in Italy, 
 having been long waiting, in the end of March, for the arrival 
 of the double snipe in the Campagna of Rome, a great flight 
 appeared on the 3d of April, and the day after heavy rain set 
 in, which greatly interfered with my sport. The vulture, upon 
 the same principle, follows armies; and I have no doubt that 
 the augury of the ancients was a good deal founded upon the 
 observation of the instincts of birds. There are many super- 
 stitions of the vulgar owing to the same source. For anglers, 
 in spring, it is always unlucky to see single magpies ; but two 
 may be always regarded as a favorable omen; and the reason 
 is, that in cold and stormy weather one magpie alone leaves the 
 nest in search of food, the other remaining sitting upon the 
 eggs or the young ones ; but when two go out together it is 
 only when the weather is warm and mild, and favorable for 
 fishing. 
 
 Poiet. — The singular connections of causes and effects to 
 which you have just referred, make superstition less to be 
 
320 WEATHER-WISDOM. 
 
 wondered at, particularly amongst the vulgar ; and when two 
 facts, naturally unconnected, have been accidentally coincident, 
 it is not singular that this coincidence should have been ob- 
 served and registered, and that omens of the most absurd kind 
 should be trusted in. In the west of England, half a century 
 ago, a particular hollow noise on the sea-coast was referred to a 
 spirit or goblin called Bucca, and was supposed to foretell a 
 shipwreck : the philosopher knows that sound travels much 
 faster than currents in the air, and the sound always foretold 
 the approach of a very heavy storm, which seldom takes place 
 on that wild and rocky coast without a shipwreck on some part 
 of its extensive shores, surrounded by the Atlantic. 
 
 SIGNS OF THE WEATHER. 
 
 The following signs of rain were given by Dr. Jenner,* in 
 1810, to a lady, in reply to her inquiry whether it would rain 
 on the morrow : — 
 
 The hollow winds hegin to blow, 
 The clouds look black, the glass is low ', 
 The soot falls down, the spaniels sleep, 
 And spiders from their cobwebs creep ; 
 Last night the sun went pale to bed, 
 The moon in halos hid her head ; 
 The boding shepherd heaves a sigh, 
 For see, a rainbow spans the sky ; 
 The walls are damp, the ditches smell, 
 Closed is the pink-eyed pimpernel ; 
 The squalid toads at dusk were seen 
 Slowly crawling o'er the green ; 
 Loud quack the ducks, the peacocks cry, 
 The distant hills are looking nigh ; 
 Hark, how the chairs and tables crack ! 
 Old Betty's joints are on the rack ; 
 And see yon rooks, how odd their flight, 
 They imitate the gliding kite, 
 Or seem precipitate to fall 
 As if they felt the piercing ball ; 
 How restless are the snorting swine ! 
 . The busy flies disturb the kine ; 
 
 * Versified by Darwin. 
 
WEATHER- WISDOM. 321 
 
 Low o'er the grass the swallow wings ; 
 The cricket too, how loud she sings ! 
 Puss on the hearth, with velvet paws, 
 Sits wiping o'er her whiskered jaws:— 
 'Twill surely rain, I see, with sorrow : 
 Our jaunt must be put off to-morrow. 
 
 The following is taken from The Shepherd's Calendar, 1683 : 
 
 Signs of Rain, from Birds. — Sea and fresh- water fowls, such 
 as cormorants, sea-gulls, moor-hens, &c. flying from sea or the 
 fresh waters to land, show bad weather at hand ; land fowls 
 flying to waters, and those shaking, washing, and noisy, especi- 
 ally in the evening, denote the same ; geese, ducks, coots, &c. 
 picking, shaking, washing, and noisy; rooks and crows in 
 flocks and suddenly disappearing; pyes and jays in flocks and 
 very noisy; the raven or hooded-crow crying in the morning, 
 with an interruption in its notes, or crows being very clamor- 
 ous at evening; the heron, bittern, and swallow flying low; 
 birds forsaking their food and flying to their nests; poultry 
 going to rest or pigeons to their dove-house ; tame fowls grub- 
 bing in the dust and clapping their wings ; small birds seem- 
 ing to duck and wash in the sand ; the late and early crowing 
 of the cock, and clapping his wings ; the early singing of wood- 
 larks ; the early chirping of sparrows ; the early note of the 
 chaffinch near houses ; the dull appearance of robin-redbreast 
 near houses ; peacocks and owls unusually clamorous. 
 
 Of Wind, from Birds. — Sea and fresh-water fowls gathering 
 in flocks to the banks, and there sporting, especially in the 
 morning ; wild geese flying high and in flocks, and directing 
 their course eastward ; coots restless and clamorous ; the hoo- 
 poe loud in his note ; the king's fisher taking to land ; rooks 
 darting or shooting in the air, or sporting on the banks of fresh 
 waters ; and lastly, the appearance of the malefigie at sea, is a 
 certain forerunner of violent winds, and (early in the morning) 
 denotes horrible tempests at hand. 
 
 Of Fair Weather, from Birds. — Halcyons, sea-ducks, &c. 
 leaving the land, and flocking to the sea ; kites, herons, bitterns, 
 and swallows flying high, and loud in their notes ; lapwing? 
 
322 WEATHER-WISDOM. 
 
 restless and clamorous; sparrows after sunrise restless and 
 noisy; ravens, hawks, and kestrils (in the morning) loud in 
 their notes ; robin-redbreast mounted high, and loud in his 
 song ; larks soaring high, and loud in their songs ; owls hoot- 
 ing with an easy and clear note ; bats appearing early in the 
 evening. 
 
 Of Rain, from Beasts. — Asses braying more frequently than 
 usual ; hogs playing, scattering their food, or carrying straw in 
 their mouths; oxen snuffing the air, looking to the south, 
 while lying on their right sides, or licking their hoofs ; cattle 
 gasping for air at noon ; calves running violently and gambol- 
 ing ; deer, sheep, or goats leaping, fighting, or pushing ; cats 
 washing their face and ears; dogs eagerly scraping up earth; 
 foxes barking; rats and mice more restless than usual; a 
 grumbling noise in the belly of hounds. 
 
 Of Rain, from Insects. — Worms crawling out of the earth in 
 great abundance; spiders falling from their webs; flies dull 
 and restless ; ants hastening to their nests ; bees hastening 
 home, and keeping close in their hives ; frogs drawing nigh to 
 houses, and croaking from ditches; gnats singing more than 
 usual; but if gnats play in the open air, or if hornets, wasps, 
 and glow-worms appear plentifully in the evening, or if spiders' 
 webs are seen in the air or on the grass, these do all denote 
 fair and warm weather at hand. 
 
 Of Rain, from the Sun. — Sun rising dim or waterish ; 
 rising red with blackish beams mixed along with his rays; 
 rising in a musty or muddy color; rising red and turning 
 blackish ; setting under a thick cloud ; setting with a red sky 
 in the east. 
 
 Sudden rains never last long ; but when the air grows thick 
 by degrees, and the sun, moon, and stars shine dimmer and 
 dimmer, then it is like to rain six hours usually. 
 
 Of Windy from the Sun. — Sun rising pale and setting red, 
 with an iris ; rising large in surface ; rising with a red sky in 
 the north ; setting of a blood color ; setting pale, with one or 
 more dark circles, or accompanied with red streaks, seeming 
 
WEATHER-WISDOM . 323 
 
 cleave or hollow; seeming divided, great storms; parhelia, or 
 mock suns, never appear but are followed by tempest. 
 
 Of Fair Weather, from the Sun. — Sun rising clear, having 
 set clear the night before; rising while the clouds about him 
 are driving to the west ; rising with an iris around him, and 
 that iris wearing away equally on all sides, then expect fair and 
 settled weather; rising clear and not hot; setting in red clouds, 
 according to the old observation, — 
 
 The evening red and morning gray, 
 Is the sure sign of a fair day. 
 
 To the above may be added the following from a more recent 
 source : — 
 
 As a rule, a circle around the moon indicates rain and wind. 
 When seen with a north or northeast wind, we may look for 
 stormy weather, especially if the circle be large ; with the wind 
 in any other quarter, we may expect rain ; so also when the 
 ring is small and the moon seems covered with mist. If, how- 
 ever, the moon rise after sunset, and a circle be soon after 
 formed around it, no rain is foreboded. In the Netherlands 
 they have this proverb : — 
 
 Een kring om de maan (A ring round the moon 
 
 Die kan vergaan ; May pass away soon ; 
 
 Maar een kring om de zon But a ring round the sun 
 
 Geeft water in de ton. Gives water in the tun.) 
 
 An old astrologer, referring to St. Paul's day, Jan. 25, says : — 
 
 If St. Paul be fair and clear, 
 It promises then a happy year ; 
 But if it chance to snow or rain, 
 Then will be dear all sorts of grain j 
 Or if the wind do blow aloft, 
 Great stirs will vex the world full oft; 
 And if dark clouds do muff the sky, 
 Then fowl and cattle oft will die. 
 
 Another, alluding to the Ember-day in December, says : — 
 When Ember-day is cold and clear 
 There '11 be two winters in that year. 
 
 The following is from a manuscript in the British Museum :— 
 
324 
 
 WEATHER-WISDOM. 
 
 If Christmas day on Thursday be, 
 A windy winter you shall see ; 
 Windy weather in each week, 
 And hard tempests, strong and thick ; 
 The summer shall be good and dry, 
 Corn and beasts shall multiply ; 
 That year.is good for lands to till j 
 Kings and princes shall die by skill ; 
 If a child born that day shall be, 
 It shall happen right well for thee : 
 Of deeds he shall be good and stable, 
 Wise of speech, and reasonable. 
 Whoso that day goes thieving about, 
 He shall be punished, without doubt j 
 And if sickness that day betide, 
 It shall quickly from thee glide. 
 
 UNLUCKY DAYS. 
 
 The following list of the "evil days in each month" is 
 translated from the original Latin verses in the old Sarum 
 Missal : — 
 
 January. Of this first month, the opening day 
 
 And seventh like a sword will slay. 
 February. The fourth day bringeth down to death ; 
 
 The third will stop a strong man's breath. 
 March. The first the greedy glutton slays ; 
 
 The fourth cuts short the drunkard's days. 
 April. The tenth and the eleventh, too, 
 
 Are ready death's fell work to do. 
 May. The third to slay poor man hath power ; 
 
 The seventh destroyeth in an hour. 
 June. The tenth a pallid visage shows ; 
 
 No faith nor truth the fifteenth knows. 
 July. The thirteenth is a fatal day; 
 
 The tenth alike will mortals slay. 
 August. The first kills strong ones at a blow; 
 
 The second lays a cohort low. 
 September. The third day of the month September, 
 
 And tenth, bring evil to each member. 
 October. The third and tenth, with poisoned breath, 
 
 To man are foes as foul as death. 
 November. The fifth bears scorpion-sting of deadly pain ; 
 
 The third is tinctured with destruction's train. 
 December. The seventh's a fatal day to human life ; 
 
 The tenth is with a serpent's venom rife. 
 
O. S. AND N. 8. 325 
 
 THE GREGORIAN CALENDAR. 
 
 The Julian calendar was framed about 46 years before Christ. 
 Caesar made the year consist of 365 days; and the annual 
 excess of six hours, which amounted to one day in four years, 
 was taken into account by making every fourth year (leap- 
 year) consist of 366 days. But Caesar's correction of the 
 calendar was imperfect, being founded on the supposition that 
 the solar year consisted of 365 days, 6 hours, whereas the true 
 solar year consists of 365 days, 5 hours, 48 minutes, 45 J seconds. 
 Thus the Julian year exceeded the solar 11 minutes 14 i 
 seconds, — which amounted to a whole day in 130 years. In 
 consequence of this inaccuracy, the vernal equinox, which 
 happened on the 25th of March in the time of Julius Caesar, 
 had receded to the 21st of March in the year 325, and was 
 fixed to that day by the Council of Nice. Attempts were 
 afterwards made to effect some change in the calendar ; but a 
 complete reformation was not made until 1582. Pope Gregory 
 XIII. invited to Rome the most learned astronomers of the 
 age; and, after the subject had been discussed ten years, it was 
 decreed that the vernal equinox, which had receded ten days 
 since the Council of Nice, and consequently happened on the 
 11th of March, should be brought back to the 21st of March, 
 and that for this purpose ten days should be taken from the 
 month of October, 1582. To avoid future deviation, it was 
 determined that instead of every 100th year being leap-year, 
 every 400th year only should be leap-year. By this plan — a 
 diminution of three days in 400 years — the error in the present 
 calendar will not exceed a day and a half in five thousand years. 
 
 The calendar thus reformed by Pope Gregory was imme- 
 diately introduced into Catholic countries, but was not finally 
 
 28 
 
326 
 
 0. S. AND N. 
 
 adopted in Great Britain until 1752, when, by act of Parlia- 
 ment, eleven days were struck out of the calendar, the 3d of 
 September being reckoned the 14th. The Greek Church still 
 obstinately adheres to the old style. 
 
 RESULTS OP THE CHANGE IN THE STYLE. 
 
 The following happily-conceived address to the patron? of 
 "Poor Job's Almanac" was occasioned by the change of the 
 style in 1752. The number of that year bears the title — , 
 
 Poor Job, 1752. By Job Shepherd, philom. Newport- 
 Printed by James Franklin* at the Printing-office under the 
 Town School-house. In this almanac the month of September 
 has, in the margin, the figures of the successive days, com- 
 mencing 1, 2 ; and, after leaving blank a space for eleven 
 days, recommencing with 14, and continuing to the 30th. 
 
 Kind Reader : — You have now such a year as you never 
 saw before, nor will see hereafter, the King and Parliament 
 of Great Britain having thought proper to enact that the 
 month of September, 1752, shall contain but nineteen days, 
 which will shorten this year eleven days, and have extended 
 the same throughout the British dominions ; so that we are not 
 to have two beginnings to our years, but the first of January is 
 to be the first day and the first month of the year 1752 ; eleven 
 days are taken from September, and begin 1, 2, 14, 15, &c. Be 
 not astonished, nor look with concern, dear reader, at such a 
 deduction of days, nor regret as for the loss of so much time; 
 but take this for your consolation, that your expenses will per- 
 haps appear lighter, and your mind be more at ease. And 
 what an indulgence is here for those who love their pillows, to 
 lie down in peace on the second of this month, and not perhaps 
 awake or be disturbed till the fourteenth, in the morning ! 
 And, reader, this is not to hasten the payment of debts, free- 
 dom of apprentices or servants, or the coming to age of minors; 
 but the number of natural days in all agreements are to be ful- 
 
 • Brother of Dr. Franklin. 
 
MEMORIA TECHNICA. 327 
 
 filled. All Church holidays and Courts are to be on the same 
 nominal days they were before ; but fairs, after the second of 
 September, alter the nominal days, and so seemed to be held 
 eleven days later. Now, reader, since 'tis likely you may never 
 have such another year nor such another almanac, I would ad- 
 vise you to improve the one for your own sake, and I recom- 
 mend the other for the sake of your friend, Poor Job. 
 
 Mmoxw ©erijnica. 
 
 NAMES AND ORDER OF THE BOOKS OF THE OLD TESTAMENT. 
 The Great Jehovah speaks to us 
 In Genesis and Exodus ; 
 Leviticus and Numbers see 
 Followed by Deuteronomy. 
 Joshua and Judges sway the land, 
 Ruth gleans a sheaf with tremblfng hand; 
 Samuel and numerous Kings appear 
 Whose Chronicles we wondering hear. 
 Ezra and Nehemiah, now, 
 Esther the beauteous mourner show. 
 Job speaks in sighs, David in Psalms, 
 The Proverbs teach to scatter alms ; 
 Ecclesiastes then comes on, 
 And the sweet Song of Solomon. 
 Isaiah, Jeremiah then 
 With Lamentations takes his pen, 
 Ezekiel, Daniel, Hosea's lyres 
 Swell Joel, Arr.os, Obadiah's. 
 Next Jonas, Micah, Nahum come, 
 And lofty Habakkuk finds room — 
 While Zephaniah, Haggai calls, 
 Wrapt Zachariah builds his walls j 
 And Malachi, with garments rent, 
 Concludes the ancient Testament. 
 
 NAMES AND ORDER OF THE BOOKS OF THE NEW TESTAMENT. 
 Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, wrote the life of their Lord j 
 The Acts, what Apostles accomplished, record; 
 Rome, Corinth, Galatus, Ephesus, hear 
 What Philippians, Colossians, Thessalonians revere : 
 
328 MEMORIA TECHNICA. 
 
 Timotheus, Titus, Philemon, precede 
 The Epistle which Hebrews most gratefully read ; 
 James, Peter, and John, with the short letter Jude, 
 The rounds of Divine Revelation conclude. 
 
 NAMES OF SHAKSPEARE'S PLAYS. 
 
 Omitting the Historical English Dramas, " quos versu dicere non est." 
 
 Cymbeline, Tempest, Much Ado, Verona, 
 
 Merry Wives, Twelfth Night, As you Like it, Errors, 
 
 Shrew Taming, Night's Dream, Measure, Andronicus, 
 
 Timon of Athens. 
 Winter's Tale, Merchant, Troilus, Lear, Hamlet, 
 Love's Labor, All's Well, Pericles, Othello, 
 Romeo, Macbeth, Cleopatra, Caesar, 
 
 Coriolanus. 
 
 ENGLISH SOVEREIGNS. 
 
 First William the Norman, 
 
 Then William his son ; 
 Henry, Stephen, and Henry, 
 
 Then Richard and John. 
 Next Henry the Third, 
 
 Edwards one, two, and three; 
 And again, after Richard, 
 
 Three Henrys we see. 
 Two Edwards, third Richard, 
 
 If rightly I guess ; 
 Two Henrys, sixth Edward, 
 
 Queen Mary, Queen Bess. 
 Then Jamie, the Scotchman, 
 
 Then Charles whom they slew, 
 Yet received after Cromwell 
 
 Another Charles too. 
 Next James the Second 
 
 Ascended the throne; 
 Then good William and Mary 
 
 Together came on. 
 Till, Anne, Georges four, 
 
 And fourth William all past, 
 God sent Queen Victoria : 
 
 May she long be the last ! 
 
 PRESIDENTS OE THE UNITED STATES. 
 First stands the lofty Washington, 
 That nobly great, immortal one ; 
 The elder Adams next we see, 
 And JEFFERSon comes number three; 
 
MEMORIA TECHNICA. 329 
 
 The fourth is Madison, you know, 
 The fifth one on the list, Monroe ; 
 The sixth an Adams comes again, 
 And Jackson seventh in the train ; 
 Van Buren eighth upon the line, 
 And Harrison counts number nine; 
 The tenth is Tvler in his turn, 
 And Polk eleventh, as we learn ; 
 The twelfth is Taylor that appears ; 
 The thirteenth, Fillmore fills his years; 
 Then Pierce comes fourteenth into view; 
 Buchanan is the fifteenth due ; 
 The sixteenth Lincoln, foully slain ; 
 The seventeenth was Johnson's reign; 
 Then Grant was by the people sent 
 To be their eighteenth President. 
 
 THE DECALOGUE. 
 
 1. Have thou no Gods but me; 2. Nor graven type adore; 
 
 3. Take not my name in vain ; 'twere guilt most sore : 
 
 4. Hallow the seventh day ; 5. Thy parents' honor love : 
 6. No murder do; 7. Nor thou adulterer prove: 
 
 8. From theft be pure thy hands ; 9. No witness false, thy word ; 
 10. Covet of none his house, wife, maid, or herd. 
 
 Worship to God— but not God graven— pay ; 
 
 Blaspheme not; sanctify the Sabbath day; 
 Be honored parents; brother's blood unshed; 
 
 And unpolluted hold the marriage bed ; 
 From theft thy hand — thy tongue from lying — keep; 
 
 Nor covet neighbor's home, spouse, serf, ox, sheep. 
 
 Thou no God shalt have but me; 
 Before no idol bow the knee; 
 Take not the name of God in vain ; 
 Nor dare the Sabbath day profane; 
 Give both thy parents honor due; 
 Take heed that thou no murder do; 
 Abstain from words and deeds unclean 
 Nor steal, though thou art poor and 
 Nor make a willful lie, nor love it; 
 What is thy neighbor's, do not covet. 
 28* 
 
330 MEMORIA TECHNICA. 
 
 METRICAL GRAMMAR. 
 
 Three little words we often see 
 
 Are Articles, a, an, and the. 
 
 A Noun's the name of any thing, 
 
 As school, or garden, hoop, or swing. 
 
 Adjectives tell the kind of Noun, 
 
 As great, small, pretty, white, or brown. 
 
 Instead of Nouns the Pronouns stand — 
 
 Her fan, his face, my arm, your hand. 
 
 Verbs tell of something being done — 
 
 To read, write, count, sing, jump, or run. 
 
 How things are done the Adverbs tell, 
 
 As slowly, quickly, ill, or well. 
 
 Conjunctions join tbe words together, 
 
 As men and children, wind or weather. 
 
 The Preposition stands before 
 
 A Noun — as, in or through a door. 
 
 The Interjection shows surprise, 
 
 As Oh! how pretty, Ah! how wise. 
 
 The whole are called nine parts of Speech, 
 
 Which Beading, Writing, Speaking, teach. 
 
 NUMBER OP DAYS IN EACH MONTH. 
 
 One of the most useful lessons taught us in early life by 
 arithmetical treatises, is that of Grafton's well-known lines in 
 his Chronicles of England, 1590. Sir Walter Scott, in con- 
 versation with a friend, adverted jocularly to that ancient and 
 respectable but unknown poet, who had given us this for- 
 mula : — 
 
 Thirty days hath September, 
 
 April, June, and November; 
 
 And all the rest have thirty-one, 
 
 Excepting February alone, 
 
 Which has but twenty -eight, in fine, 
 
 Till Leap -Year gives it twenty-nine. 
 
 The form used by the Quakers runs thus: — 
 
 The fourth, eleventh, ninth and sixth 
 Have thirty days to each affixed ; 
 Every other, thirty- one, 
 Except the second month alone. 
 
ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 331 
 
 ©rtguT of ©f)tngg jpamiliar. 
 
 MIND YOUR P's AND Q's. 
 
 It would be a curious thing, if they could be traced out, to 
 ascertain the origin of half the quaint old sayings and maxims 
 that have come down to' the present time from unknown gene- 
 rations. Who, for example, was " Dick/ 7 who had the odd- 
 looking a hat-band," and who has so long been the synonym 
 or representative of oddly-acting people ? Who knows any 
 thing authentic of the leanness of "Job's turkey," who has 
 so many followers in the ranks of humanity? Scores of 
 other sayings there are, concerning which similar questions 
 might be asked. Who ever knew, until comparatively late 
 years, what was the origin of the cautionary saying, "Mind 
 your P's and Q's" ? A modern antiquarian, however, has put 
 the world right in relation to that saying. In ale-houses, in the 
 olden time, when chalk " scores" were marked upon the wall, 
 or behind the door of the tap-room, it was customary to put the 
 initials "P" and "Q" at the head of every man's account, to 
 show the number of " pints" and " quarts" for which he was 
 in arrears ; and we may presume many a friendly rustic to have 
 tapped his neighbor on the shoulder, when he was indulging 
 too freely in his potations, and to have exclaimed, as he pointed 
 to the chalk-score, u Mind your P's and Q's, man ! mind your 
 P's and Q's V The writer from whom we glean this informa- 
 tion mentions an amusing anecdote in connection with it. 
 which had its origin in London, at the time a "Learned Pig" 
 was attracting the attention of half the town. A theatrical 
 wag, who attended the porcine performances, maliciously set 
 before the four-legged actor some peasj — a temptation which the 
 animal could not resist, and which immediately occasioned him 
 to lose the "cue" given him by the showman. The pig-exhib- 
 itor remonstrated with the author of the mischief on the unfair- 
 ness of what he had. done ; to which he replied, " I only 
 wanted to ascertain whether the pig knew his ' peas' from his 
 
332 ORIGIN OP THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 DAY. 
 
 April the First stands marked by custom's rules, 
 A day of being, and of making, fools. 
 
 The First of April, as is well known, is distinguished in the 
 calendar by the singular appellation of " All Fools 1 Day." It 
 would be a curious exception to common experience, if, on the 
 recurrence of this memorable epoch in the division of time, 
 multitudes were not betrayed into a due observance of its 
 peculiarities. Many grave and unsuspecting people have 
 been sent upon the most frivolous and nonsensical errands. 
 Many a passer-by has been told that there was something 
 out of his pocket, which was his hand ; or something on his 
 face, which was his nose. Many a school-boy has been sent to 
 the shoemaker's for stirrup-oil, which he would get from a strap, 
 across his shoulders ; or to ask a schoolmistress for the biography 
 of Eve's mother ; or to an old bachelor to purchase pigeon's 
 milk. Many a printer's " devil" has been sent to a neighbor- 
 ing editor for a quart of editorial, and received in return a pic- 
 ture of a jackass; and many a pretty girl despatched to the 
 handsome druggist round the corner for the essence of tulips 
 (two-lips,) which she would sometimes box the pharmaceutic ears 
 for offering to give her. Some would be summoned, upon the 
 most unfounded pretexts, out of their warm beds, an hour or 
 more before the accustomed time. Others were enticed to open 
 packages, promising ample remuneration, but full of disappoint- 
 ment ; and others again, as they passed along the streets, were 
 captivated by the sight of pieces of spurious coin, which, when 
 they essayed to lift, they found securely fastened to the pavement, 
 — together with various other whimsicalities, which under other 
 circumstances would have been deemed highly offensive, but, 
 happening on the First of April, were considered, if not agree- 
 able, at least comparatively harmless. The origin of this 
 strange custom is shrouded in mystery. It has been traced by 
 some to the scene in the life of Jesus when he was sent from 
 Pilate to Herod, and back from Herod to Pilate, which occurred 
 about this period. 
 
ORIGIN OP THINGS FAMILIAR. . 333 
 
 Brady's Clavis Calendaria, published in 1812, mentions 
 that more than a century previous the almanacs designated the 
 First of April as " All Fools' Day." In the northern counties 
 of England and Scotland, the jokes on that day were practised 
 to a great extent, and it scarcely required an apology to experi- 
 ment upon the gravest and most respectable of city or country 
 gentlemen and women. The person whose good nature or sim- 
 plicity put him momentarily in the power of his facetious neigh- 
 bor was called a "gowk" — and the sending upon ridiculous 
 errands, "hunting the gowk" The term "gowk" was a com- 
 mon expression for a cuckoo, which was reckoned among the 
 silliest and simplest of all the feathered tribes. 
 
 In France, the person made the butt upon these occasions 
 was styled "un poisson oVAvril" — that is, an April fish — by 
 implication, an April fool — "poisson oVAvril" the familiar 
 name of the mackerel, a fish easily caught by deception, singly 
 and in shoals, at this season of the year. The term " April 
 fool" was therefore, probably, nothing more than an easy substi- 
 tution of that opprobrious epithet for fish, and it is quite likely 
 that our ancestors borrowed the custom from France, with this 
 change in the phrase peculiar to the occasion. It is possible, 
 however, that it may have been derived from poison, mischief. 
 Among the French, ridicule is the most successful weapon for 
 correcting folly and holding vice in terrorem. A Frenchman 
 is more afraid of a successful bon mot at his expense than of a 
 sword, and the First of April is a day, therefore, of which he 
 can make a double application : he may gratify his love of 
 pleasantry among his friends, or inflict a severe wound on his 
 enemies, if he possess the art and wit to invent and perpetrate 
 a worthy piece of foolery upon them. One of the best tricks 
 that ever occurred in France was that of Rabelais, who fooled 
 the officers of justice, when he had no money, into conveying 
 him from Marseilles to Paris on a charge of treason got up for 
 the purpose, and, when arrived there, showing them how they 
 were hoaxed. For this purpose' he made up some brick-dust 
 and ashes in different packets, labelled as poisons for the royal 
 
334 ORIGIN OP THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 family of France. The bait took, and he was conveyed to the 
 capital as a traitor, seven hundred miles, only to explain the 
 joke. 
 
 There is a very common practical joke on fools' day in the 
 British metropolis : it consists in despatching a letter by an 
 unlucky dupe, who is to wait for an answer. The answer is a 
 second note, to a third person, "to send the fool farther." A 
 young surgeon, a greenhorn in practice, fresh from St. Bar- 
 tholomew's, his instruments unfleshed on his own account, and 
 his surgery bottles full to repletion, was called a few years ago 
 from the Strand to a patient in Newgate Street, very rich, 
 named Dobbs. It was the First of April, and it was his first 
 patient. The young Esculapius was ushered into the presence 
 of the supposed patient, who was busy writing in his counting- 
 house. The surgeon explained his errand, and Mr. Dobbs, 
 having an excellent mercantile discernment, soon saw through 
 the affair. He bowed and said, " It is a mistake, sir : my name 
 is Dobbs, but I am, thank God, hale and hearty. It is my 
 brother, the sugar-baker, on Fish Street Hill, that has sent for 
 you, [carriage or horse he had none,] three-fourths of a mile 
 farther." He entered among the pyramids of snowy sweets, and 
 found Mr. Dobbs, the sugar-baker, of Fish Street Hill, as hale 
 as his brother of Newgate Street. The refiner of saccharine 
 juice understood his brother's note, stammered out a pretended 
 apology for the mistake, and said he supposed, as the young 
 man's directions were to Mr. J. Dobbs, and not Mr. Jeffry 
 Dobbs, that was intended ; that his name was Jeffry, but his 
 brother John, a third member of the family, and in his busi- 
 ness, lived at Limehouse, whither he thought, if our surgeon 
 proceeded, he would find the person he sought. An address 
 was handed the young tourniquet at the extreme end of Lime- 
 house, which address, it is needless to say, was false. What 
 will not a surgeon do to obtain his first patient, and a rich one 
 too? Away he posted to Limehouse, and soon found how far 
 he had travelled for nothing. Tired and disappointed, and 
 scheming vengeance on the authors of the hoax, he set off on 
 
ORIGIN OP THINGS FAMILIAR. 335 
 
 his return home, cursing the Dobbs family every step he went. 
 As he ^passed along Upper Shadwell, he saw a horse gallop furi- 
 ously down Chamomile Street and fling its rider a heavy fall 
 on the pavement. He ran and lifted the fallen man, whom he 
 found insensible. He conveyed him to a shop hard by, bled 
 him, and had the satisfaction of seeing him open his eyes. Suf- 
 fice it to say that, on being conveyed home, our young sur- 
 geon attended him until he was restored to health ; and so 
 gratefully were his exertions received by the stranger, who was a 
 rich East India merchant, far advanced in life, that he took 
 him into his house as a medical attendant and friend, and ulti- 
 mately left him the bulk of his property. Thus, out of an in- 
 tended Fools' Day hoax, by the inscrutable caprice of fortune, a 
 frolic led its dupe to wealth. This anecdote, accordiog to the 
 London Athenaeum, may be depended on as true, nothing in 
 the story but the name adopted, to conceal the real actors in 
 the drama, being fictitious. 
 
 A day of fooleries, the Hull Fest, is observed, also, among 
 the Hindoos, attended with the like silly species of witticism. 
 
 By many it is believed that the term " all" is a corruption 
 of auld or old, thereby making it originally " Old Fools' Day," 
 in confirmation of which opinion the following observation is 
 quoted from an ancient Roman calendar respecting the 1st of 
 November : — " The feast of old fools is removed to this day." 
 The oldest almanacs extant, however, have it all (and not old) 
 fools' day. Besides the Roman " Saturnalia" and the Druid- 
 ical rites, superstitions which the early Christians found in 
 existence when they commenced their labors in England, was 
 the Festum Fatuorum, or Fools' Holiday ', which was doubtless 
 our present First of April. In some of the German classics 
 frequent mention is made of the Aprilen Narr, so that even 
 the Germans of the olden time understood how to practise their 
 cunning April arts upon their neighbors quite as well as we of 
 the present day. 
 
 Enough has been here quoted to prove that the custom is of 
 very ancient existence ; but the precise origin thereof remains 
 
336 ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 undiscovered, and will have to be dug from some of the musty 
 chronicles of gray antiquity But, be the origin of the custom 
 what it may, we cannot avoid the conclusion that it is one 
 "more honored in the breach than in the observance/' 
 
 CARDS. 
 
 About the year 1390, cards were invented to divert Charles 
 IV., then King of France, who was fallen into a melancholy 
 disposition. That they were not in use before appears highly 
 probable. 1st, Because no cards are to be seen in any paint- 
 ings, sculpture, tapestry, &c. more ancient than the preceding 
 period, but are represented in many works of ingenuity since 
 that age. 2dly, No prohibitions relative to cards, by the king's 
 edicts, are mentioned; although some few years before, a most 
 severe one was published, forbidding by name all manner of 
 sports and pastimes, in order that the subjects might exercise 
 themselves in shooting with bows and arrows and be in a con- 
 dition to oppose the English. Now, it is not to be presumed 
 that so luring a game as cards would have been omitted in the 
 enumeration had they been in use. 3dly, In all the ecclesi- 
 astical canons prior to the same time, there occurs no mention 
 of cards ) although, twenty years after that date, card -playing 
 was interdicted the clergy by a Gallican Synod. About the 
 same time is found in the account-book of the king's cofferer 
 the following charge : — " Paid for a pack of painted leaves 
 bought for the king's amusement, three livres." Printing and 
 stamping being not then discovered, the cards were painted, 
 which made them dear. Thence, in the above synodical canons, 
 they are called pagillx pictse, painted little leaves. 4thly, 
 About thirty years after this came a severe edict against cards 
 in France, and another by Emanuel, Duke of Savoy, only 
 permitting the ladies this pastime, pro spinilis, for pins and 
 needles. 
 
 Of their designs. — The inventor proposed by the figures of 
 the four suits, or colors, as the French call them, to represent 
 the four states or classes of men in the kingdom. By the 
 
ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 337 
 
 Csesars (hearts) are meant the Gens de Chceur, choir-men, or 
 ecclesiastics ; and therefore the Spaniards, who certainly re- 
 ceived the use of cards from the French, have copas or chalices 
 instead of hearts. The nobility, or prime military part of the 
 kingdom, are represented by the ends or points of lances, or 
 pikes; and our ignorance of the meaning or resemblance of the 
 figure induced us to call them spades. The Spaniards have 
 espadas (swords) in lieu of pikes, which is of similar import. 
 By diamonds are designated the order of citizens, merchants, 
 and tradesmen, carreaux, (square stone tiles, or the like.) The 
 Spaniards have a coin dineros, which answers to it ; and the 
 Dutch call the French word carreaux, stieneen, stones and dia- 
 monds, from the form. Treste, the trefoil leaf, or clover grass, 
 (corruptly called clubs,) alludes to husbandmen and peasants. 
 How this suit came to be called clubs is not explained, unless, 
 borrowing the game from the Spaniards, who have bastos (staves 
 or clubs) instead of the trefoil, we gave the Spanish significa- 
 tion to the French figure. 
 
 The " history of the four kings," which the French in droll- 
 ery sometimes call " the cards," is that of David, Alexander, 
 Caesar, and Charles, names which were, and still are, on the 
 French cards. These respective names represent the four cele- 
 brated monarchies of the Jews, Greeks, Konians, and Franks 
 under Charlemagne. 
 
 By the queens are intended Argine, Esther, Judith, and 
 Pallas, (names retained in the French cards,) typical of birth, 
 piety, fortitude, and wisdom, the qualifications residing in each 
 person. " Argine" is an anagram for " Regina," queen by 
 descent 
 
 By the knaves were designed the servants to knights, (for 
 knave originally meant only servant ; and in an old translation 
 of the Bible, St. Paul is called the knave of Christ,) but French 
 pages and valets, now indiscriminately used by various orders 
 of persons, were formerly only allowed to persons of quality, 
 esquires, (escuiers,) shield or armor bearers. Others fancy 
 that the knights themselves were designed by those cards, be- 
 W 29 
 
338 ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 cause Hogier and Lahire, two names on the French cards, 
 were famous knights at the time cards were supposed to be 
 invented. 
 
 SUB ROSA. 
 
 But when we with caution a secret disclose, • 
 
 We cry, " Be it spoken, sir, under the rose." 
 
 Since 'tis known that the rose was an emblem of old, 
 
 Whose leaves by their closeness taught secrets to hold ; 
 
 And 'twas thence it was painted on tables so oft 
 
 As a warning, lest, when with a frankness men scoft 
 
 At their neighbor, their lord, their fat priest, or their nation, 
 
 Some among 'em next day should betray conversation. 
 
 British Apollo, 1708. 
 
 The origin of the phrase under the rose implies secrecy, and 
 had its origin during the year B.C. 477, at which time Pausa- 
 nias, the commander of the confederate fleet of the Spartans 
 and Athenians, was engaged in an intrigue with Xerxes for the 
 subjugation of Greece to the Persian rule, and for the hand of 
 the monarch's daughter in marriage. Their negotiations were 
 carried on in a building attached to the temple of Minerva, 
 called the Brazen House, the roof of which was a garden form- 
 ing a bower of roses ; so that the plot, which was conducted 
 with the utmost secrecy, was literally matured under the rose 
 Pausanias, however, was betrayed by one of his emissaries, 
 who, by a preconcerted plan with the ephori, (the overseers 
 and counsellors of state, five in number,) gave them a secret 
 opportunity to hear from the lips of Pausanias himself the ac- 
 knowledgment of his treason. To escape arrest, he fled to the 
 temple of Minerva, and, as the sanctity of the place forbade in- 
 trusion for violence or harm of any kind, the people walled up 
 the edifice with stones and left him to die of starvation. His 
 own mother laid the first stone. 
 
 It afterward became a custom among the Athenians to wear 
 roses in their hair whenever they wished to communicate to 
 another a secret which they wished to be kept inviolate. Hence 
 the saying sub rosa among them, and, since, among Christian 
 nations. 
 
ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 339 
 
 OVER THE LEFT. 
 
 The earliest trace of the use and peculiar significance of this 
 phrase may be found in the Records of the Hartford County 
 Courts, in the (then) Colony of Connecticut, as follows : — 
 
 At a County Court held at Hartford, \ 
 
 September 4, 1705. 
 Whereas James Steel did commence an action against Bevell 
 Waters (both of Hartford) in this Court, upon hearing and 
 tryall whereof the Court gave judgment against the said Wa- 
 ters, (as in justice they think they ought,) upon the declaring 
 the said judgment, the said Waters did review to the Court in 
 March next, that, being granted and entered, the said Waters, 
 as he departed from the table, he said, u God bless you over the 
 left shoulder" 
 
 The Court order a record to be made thereof forthwith. 
 
 A true copie : Test. 
 
 Caleb Stanley, Clerk. 
 
 At the next court, Waters was tried for contempt, for saying 
 the words recited, "so cursing the Court/' and on verdict 
 fined £5. He asked a review of the Court following, which 
 was granted ; and pending trial, the Court asked counsel of the 
 Rev. Messrs. Woodbridge and Buckingham, the ministers of 
 the Hartford churches, as to the " common acceptation'' of the 
 offensive phrase. Their reply constitutes a part of the Record, 
 and is as follows : — 
 
 We are of opinion that those words, said on the other side to 
 be spoken by Bevell Waters, include (1) prophaneness, by 
 using the name of Grod, that is holy, with such ill words whereto 
 it was joyned; (2) that they carry great contempt in them, 
 arising to the degree of an imprecation or curse, the words of a 
 curse being the most contemptible that can ordinarily be used. 
 
 T. "Woodbridge. 
 T. Buckingham. 
 
 March 7th, 1705-6. 
 The former judgment was affirmed on review. 
 
340 ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 KICKING THE BUCKET. 
 
 The tradition among the slang fraternity as to the origin of 
 this phrase is that " One Bolsover, having hung himself to a 
 beam while standing on the bottom of a pail, or bucket, kicked 
 the vessel away in order to pry into futurity, and it was all up 
 with him from that moment — Finis !" 
 
 BUMPER. 
 
 When the Roman Catholic religion was in the ascendant in 
 England, the health of the Pope was usually drunk in a full 
 glass immediately after dinner — au bon pere : hence the word 
 " Bumper." 
 
 ROYAL SAYING. 
 
 It was Alphonsus, surnamed the Wise, King of xlragon, who 
 used to say, " That among so many things as are by men pos- 
 sessed or pursued in the course of their lives, all the rest are 
 baubles, besides old wood to burn, old wine to drink, old friends 
 to converse with, and old books to read." 
 
 DUN. 
 
 This word, generally supposed to be derived from the French 
 donnez, owes its origin, according to the British Apollo of Sep- 
 tember, 1708, to one Joe Dun, a famous bailiff of Lincoln in 
 the time of Henry VII. He is said to have been so ex- 
 tremely shrewd in the management of his rough business, and 
 so dexterous in the collection of dues, that his name became 
 proverbial ; and whenever a man refused to pay his debts, it 
 grew into a prevalent custom to say, " Why don't you Dun 
 him?" 
 
 HUMBUG. 
 
 Among the many issues of base coin which from time to time 
 were made in Ireland, there was none to be compared in worth- 
 lessness to that made by James II. at the Dublin Mint. It was 
 composed of any thing on which he could lay his hands, such as 
 lead, pewter, copper, and brass, and so low was its intrinsic 
 value that twenty shillings of it was only worth twopence 
 
ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 341 
 
 sterling. William III., a few days after the battle of the Boyne, 
 ordered that the crown-piece and half-crown should be taken 
 as one penny and one half-penny respectively. The soft mixed 
 metal of which that worthless coin was composed was known 
 among the Irish as Uim bog, pronounced Oom-bug, i.e. soft 
 copper, i.e. worthless money ; and in the course of their deal- 
 ings the modern use of the word humbug took its rise, as in the 
 phrases, "That's apiece of uimbog" "Don't think to pass off 
 your uirribog on me." Hence the word humbug came to be 
 applied to any thing that had a specious appearance but which 
 was in reality spurious. It is curious to note that the very 
 opposite of humbug, i.e. false metal, is the word sterling, which 
 is also taken from a term applied to the true coinage of Great 
 Britain, as sterling coin, sterling worth, &c. 
 
 PASQUINADES. 
 
 At one corner of the Palazzo Braschi, the last monument of 
 Papal nepotism, near the Piazza Navona, in Home, stands the 
 famous mutilated torso known as the statue of Pasquin. It is 
 the remains of a work of art of considerable merit, found at this 
 spot, in the sixteenth century, and supposed to represent Ajax 
 supporting Menelaus. It derives its modern name from the 
 tailor Pasquin, who kept a shop opposite, which was the ren- 
 dezvous of all the gossips in the city, and from which their 
 satirical witticisms on the manners and follies of the day ob- 
 tained a ready circulation. 
 
 Misson says in his Travels in Italy, — The tailor had precisely 
 the talent to head a regiment of satirical wits, and had he had 
 time to publish, he would have been the Peter Pindar of his 
 day; but his genius seems to have been satisfied to rest cross- 
 legged on his shop-board. When any lampoons or amusing 
 bon-mots were current in Rome, they were usually called, from 
 his shop, Pasquinades. After his death, this statue of an an- 
 cient gladiator was found under the pavement of his shop. It 
 was soon set up, and by universal consent was inscribed with 
 his name; and they still attempt to raise him from the dead, 
 
 29* 
 
342 ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 and keep the caustic tailor alive, in the marble gladiator of 
 wit. 
 
 The statue of Marforio, which stood near the arch of Septi- 
 mus Severus, in the Forum, was made the vehicle for replying 
 to the attacks of Pasquin ; and for many years they kept up an 
 incessant fire of wit and repartee. When Marforio was removed 
 to the museum in the capital, the Pope wished to remove 
 Pasquin also ; but the Duke di Braschi, to whom he belongs, 
 would not permit it. Adrian VI. attempted to arrest his career 
 by ordering the statue to be burnt and thrown into the Tiber; 
 but one of the Pope's friends, Ludovico Sussano, saved him, by 
 suggesting that his ashes would turn into frogs, and croak more 
 terribly than before. It is said that his owner is compelled to 
 pay a fine whenever he is found guilty of exhibiting any scan- 
 dalous placards. The modern Romans seem to regard Pasquin 
 as part of their social system : in the absence of a free press, 
 he has become in some measure the organ of public opinion, 
 and there is scarcely an event upon which he does not pronounce 
 judgment. Some of his sayings are extremely broad for the 
 atmosphere of Rome, but many of them are very witty, and 
 fully maintain the character of his fellow-citizens for satirical 
 epigrams and repartee. ' When Mezzofanti, the great linguist, 
 was made a cardinal, Pasquin declared that it was a very pro- 
 per appointment, for there could be no doubt that the " Tower 
 of Babel," " 11 torre di Babel," required an interpreter. At 
 the time of the first French occupation of Italy, Pasquin gave 
 out the following satirical dialogue : — 
 
 I Francesi son tutti ladri. 
 Non tutti — ma Bonaparte. 
 
 The French are all robbers. 
 Not all, but a good part ; (or 
 Not all — but Bonaparte.) 
 
 Another remarkable saying is recorded in Connection with 
 the celebrated bull of Urban VIII. , excommunicating all per- 
 sons who took snuff in the Cathedral of Seville. On the pub- 
 lication of this decree, Pasquin appropriately quoted the beauti- 
 
ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 343 
 
 ful passage in Job, — "Wilt thou break a leaf driven to and fro? 
 and wilt thou pursue the dry stubble V* 
 
 BOTTLED ALE. 
 The hop for his profit I thus do exalt ; 
 It strengthened drink and it flavoreth malt ; 
 And being well brewed, long kept it will last, 
 And drawing abide, if ye draw not too fast. 
 
 Timer, 1557. 
 
 Alexander Newell, Dean of St. Paul's and Master of West- 
 minster School in the reign of Queen Mary, was an excellent 
 angler. But, (says Fuller,) while Newell was catching of fishes, 
 Bishop Bonner was catching of Newell, and would certainly 
 have sent him to the sbambles had not a good London mer- 
 chant conveyed him away upon the seas. Newell was fishing 
 upon the banks of the Thames when he received the first inti- 
 mation of his danger, which was so pressing that he dared not 
 go back to his own house to make any preparation for his 
 flight. Like an honest angler, he had taken with him provi- 
 sion for the day, and when, in the first year of England's deli- 
 verance, he returned to his country and his old haunts, he re- 
 membered that on the day of his flight he had left a bottle 
 of beer in a safe place on the bank : there he looked for it, and 
 " found it no bottle, but a gun — such the sound at the opening 
 thereof; and this (adds Fuller,) is believed (casualty is mo- 
 ther of more invention than industry) the origin of Bottled 
 Ale in England." 
 
 THE POTATO. 
 
 Although Sir Walter Raleigh was unexpectedly prevented 
 from accompanying Sir Humphrey Gilbert to Newfoundland, 
 he eventually proved one of the greatest benefactors to his own 
 country, by the introduction of the potato on his return from 
 America, in the year 1584. This root was first planted on Sir 
 Walter's estate at Youghall, which he afterward sold to the 
 Earl of Cork; but not having given sufficient directions to the 
 person who had the management of the land, the latter mistook 
 the flowers for the fruit and most valuable part of the plant, 
 
344 ORIGIN OP THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 and, on tasting them, rejected them as a pernicious exotic. 
 Some time afterwards, turning up the earth, he found the roots 
 spread to a great distance, and in considerable quantities ; and 
 from this stock the whole kingdom was soon after supplied with 
 this valuable plant, which gradually spread throughout Europe 
 and North America. Its name, potato, in Irish paitey, and in 
 French patate f is said to be derived from the original language 
 of Mexico, of which it is supposed to be a native. 
 
 Anspach's History of Newfoundland. 
 
 TARRING AND FEATHERING. 
 
 Anquetil, in his Histoire de France, 1805, has the following 
 passage in reference to this mode of chastisement : — 
 
 They (the two crusading kings, Kichard Goeur de Lion and 
 Philip Augustus) afterwards made in concert the laws of police 
 which should be observed in both their armies. No women, 
 except washerwomen, were to be permitted to accompany the 
 troops. Whoever killed another was, according to the place 
 where the crime should be committed, to be cast into the sea, 
 or buried alive, bound to the corpse of the murdered person. 
 Whoever wounded another was to have his hand cut off; who- 
 ever struck another should be plunged three times into the 
 sea; and whoever committed theft should have warm pitch 
 poured over his head, which should then be powdered with 
 feathers, and the offender should afterwards be left aban- 
 doned on the first shore. 
 
 STOCKINGS. 
 
 It is stated that Henry the Second, of France, was the first 
 who wore silk stockings, and this was on the occasion of his 
 sister's wedding to the Duke of Savoy, in 1509. Howell, in 
 his History of the World, says that, in 1550, Queen Elizabeth 
 was presented with a pair of black silk knit stockings by her 
 silk-woman, Mrs. Montague, and that she never wore cloth ones 
 afterward. He also adds, that Henry the Eighth wore ordi- 
 narily cloth hose, unless there came from Spain, by great 
 chance, a pair of silk stockings. His son, Edward the Sixth, 
 
ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 345 
 
 was presented with a pair of long Spanish silk stockings by 
 Sir Thomas Gresham. Hence it would seem that knit 
 stockings originally came from Spain. It is stated that one 
 William Rider, an apprentice on London Bridge, seeing, at 
 the house of an Italian merchant, a pair of knit stockings, 
 from Mantua, took the hint, and made a pair exactly like them, 
 which he presented to the Earl of Pembroke, and that they 
 were the first of that kind worn in England. There have been 
 various opinions with respect to the original invention of the 
 stocking-frame ; but it is now generally conceded that it was 
 invented during the reign of Queen Elizabeth, in the year 1589, 
 by William Lee, M.A., of St. John's College, Cambridge. 
 In the London Magazine, it is related that Mr. Lee was ex- 
 pelled from the University for marrying, contrary to the statutes 
 of the college. Being thus rejected, and ignorant of any other 
 means of subsistence, he was reduced to the necessity of living 
 upon what his wife could earn by knitting stockings, which 
 gave a spur to his invention ; and, by curiously observing the 
 working of the needles in knitting, he formed in his mind the 
 model of the frame. Mr. Lee went to France, and, for want 
 of patronage there and in England, died of a broken heart, at 
 Paris. In the hall of Framework Knitters' Company, incor- 
 porated by Charles the Second, in 1663, is a portrait of Lee, 
 pointing to one of the iron frames, and discoursing with a 
 woman, who is knitting with needles and her fingers. 
 
 THE ORDER OF THE GARTER. 
 
 When Salisbury's famed countess was dancing with glee, 
 Her stocking's security fell from her knee. 
 Allusions and hints, sneers and whispers, went round; 
 The trifle was scouted, and left on the ground. 
 When Edward the Brave, with true soldier-like spirit, 
 Cried, " The garter is mine ; 'tis the order of merit : 
 The first knights in my court shall be happy to wear- 
 Proud distinction ! — the garter that fell from the fair; 
 While in letters of gold — 'tis your monarch's high will — 
 Shall there be inscribed, ' III to him that thinks ill /' " 
 
346 ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 DRINKING HEALTHS. 
 
 The drinking of healths originated during the Danish occu- 
 pation of Britain. The Danes frequently stabbed Englishmen 
 while in the act of drinking, and it finally became necessary 
 for the English, in view of the constant repetition of this 
 dastardly mode of assassination, to enter into a compact to be 
 mutual pledges of security for each other's health and pre- 
 servation. Hence the custom of pledging and drinking 
 healths. 
 
 A FEATHER IN ONE'S CAP. 
 
 In the Lansdowne MS., British Museum, is a Description of 
 Hungary in 1599, in which the writer says of the inhabitants, 
 " It hath been an antient custom among them that none should 
 wear a fether but he who had killed a Turk, to whom onlie y* 
 was lawful to shew the number of his slaine enemys by the 
 number of fethers in his cappe." 
 
 THE WORD BOOK. 
 
 Before paper came into general use, our Teutonic forefathers 
 wrote their letters, calendars, and accounts on wood. The Bor, 
 or beech, being close-grained and plentiful in Northern Europe, 
 was generally employed for the purpose; and hence the word 
 book. 
 
 NINE TAILORS MAKE A MAN. 
 
 The following humorous account of the origin of this saying 
 is from The British Apollo. " It happened ('tis no great mat- 
 ter in what year) that eight tailors, having finished considera- 
 ble pieces of work at the house of a certain person of quality, 
 (whose name authors have thought fit to conceal,) and received 
 all the money due for the same, a virago servant-maid of the 
 house, observing them to be but slender-built animals, and in 
 their mathematical postures on their shop-board appearing but so 
 many pieces of men, resolved to encounter and pillage them on 
 the road. The better to compass her design, she procured a 
 
ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 347 
 
 very terrible great black pudding, which, having waylaid them, 
 she presented at the breast of the foremost. They, mistaking 
 this prop of life for an instrument of death, at least a blunder- 
 buss, readily yielded up their money; but she, not contented 
 with that, severely disciplined them with a cudgel she carried 
 in the other hand, all which they bore with a philosophical re- 
 signation. Thus, eight, not being able to deal with one woman, 
 by consequence could not make a man ; on which account a 
 ninth is added. 'Tis the opinion of our curious virtuosos, that 
 their want of courage ariseth from their immoderate eating of 
 cucumbers, which too much refrigerates their blood. However, 
 to their eternal honor be it spoken, they have often been known 
 to encounter a sort of cannibals, to whose assaults they are often 
 subject, not fictitious, but real man-eaters, and that with a 
 lance but two inches long ; nay, and although they go armed 
 no further than their middle finger." 
 
 An earlier authority than the preceding may be found in a 
 note in Democritus in London, with the Mad Pranks and 
 Comical Conceits of Motley and Rohin Goodfellow, in which 
 the following version of the origin of the. saying is given. It 
 is dated 1682 :— 
 
 There is a proverb which has been of old, 
 
 And many men have likewise been so told, 
 
 To the discredit of the Taylor's Trade : 
 
 Nine Taylors go to make up a man, they said ; 
 
 But for their credit I'll unriddle it t' ye: 
 
 A draper once fell into povertie, 
 
 Nine Taylors joined their purses together then, 
 
 To set him up, and make him a man again. 
 
 VIZ. 
 
 The contraction viz. affords a curious instance of the univer- 
 sality of arbitrary ^ signs. There are few people now who do not 
 readily comprehend the meaning of that useful particle, — a cer- 
 tain publican excepted, who, being furnished with a list of the 
 requirements of a festival in which the word appeared, apolo- 
 gized for the omission of one of the items enumerated : he in- 
 formed the company that be had inquired throughout the town 
 
348 ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 for some viz., but he had not been able to procure it. He was, 
 however, readily excused for his inability to do so. V13. 
 being a contraction of videlicet, the terminal sign 3 was never 
 intended to represent the letter " z," but was simply a mark or 
 sign of abbreviation. It is now always written and expressed 
 as a " z" and will doubtless continue to be so. 
 
 \ 
 
 SIGNATURE OF THE CROSS. 
 
 The mark which persons who are unable to write are required to 
 make instead of their signatures, is in the form of a cross ; and this 
 practice, having formerly been followed by kings and nobles, is 
 constantly referred to as an instance of the deplorable ignorance 
 of ancient times. This signature is not, however, invariably a 
 proof of such ignorance. Anciently the use of the mark was not 
 confined to illiterate persons ; for among the Saxons the mark 
 of the cross, as an attestation of the good faith of the persons 
 signing, was required to be attached to the signature of those 
 who could write, as well as to stand in the place of the signa- 
 ture of those who could not write. In those times, if a man 
 could write, or even read, his knowledge was considered proof 
 presumptive that he was in holy orders. The clericus, or clerk, 
 was synonymous with penman ; and the laity, or people who 
 were not clerks, did not feel any urgent necessity for v the use 
 of letters. The ancient use of the cross was therefore uni- 
 versal, alike by those who could and those who could not write : 
 it was, indeed, the symbol of an oath, from its sacred associa- 
 tions, as well as the mark generally adopted. Hence the origin 
 of the expression "God save the mark," as a form of ejacula- 
 tion approaching the character of an oath. 
 
 THE TURKISH CRESCENT. 
 
 When Philip of Macedon approached by night with his 
 troops to scale the walls of Byzantium, the moon shone out and 
 discovered his design to the besieged, who repulsed him. The 
 crescent was afterwards adopted as the favorite badge of the 
 city. When the Turks took Byzantium, they found the cres- 
 
ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 349 
 
 cent in every public place, and, believing it to possess some 
 magical power, adopted it themselves. 
 
 The origin of the crescent as a religious emblem is anterior 
 to the time of Philip of Macedon, dating, in fact, from the very 
 beginning of history. 
 
 POSTPAID ENVELOPES. 
 
 M. Piron tells us that the idea of a postpaid envelope ori- 
 ginated early in the reign of Louis XIV., with M. de Yalfyer, 
 who, in 1653, established (with royal approbation) a private 
 penny-post, placing boxes at the corners of the streets for 
 the reception of letters wrapped up in envelopes, which were 
 to be bought at offices established for that purpose. M. de 
 Valfyer also had printed certain forms of billets, or notes, 
 applicable to the ordinary business among the inhabitants of 
 great towns, with blanks, which were to be filled up by the pen 
 with such special matter as might complete the writer's object. 
 One of these billets has been preserved to our times by a plea- 
 sant misapplication of it. Pelisson (Mdme. de SevignS's friend, 
 and the object of the bon mot that "he abused the privilege 
 which men have of being ugly") was amused at this kind of 
 skeleton correspondence ; and under the affected name of Pi- 
 sandre, (according to the pedantic fashion of the day,) he filled 
 up and addressed one of these forms to the celebrated Made- 
 moiselle de Scuderie, in her pseudonyms of Sappho. This 
 strange billet-doux has happened, from the celebrity of the par- 
 ties, to be preserved, and it is still extant, — one of the oldest, 
 it is presumed, of penny-post letters, and a curious example of 
 a prepaying envelope, a new proof of the adage that " there 
 is nothing new under the sun." 
 
 OLD HUNDRED. 
 
 The history of this old psalm-tune, which almost every one 
 has been accustomed to hear ever since he can remember, is 
 the subject of a work recently written by an English clergy- 
 man Luther has generally been considered the author of 
 
 30 
 
350 ORIGIN OP THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 '* Old Hundred/' but it has been pretty satisfactorily ascertained 
 that it was composed in the sixteenth century, and certainly 
 previous to 1546, by William Franc, a German. In the course 
 of time its arrangement has undergone repeated alterations ; 
 and it is said that, as it originally appeared, it was of a more 
 lively character than at present. Many of these alterations 
 have been carefully preserved and may be seen by reference to 
 Moore's Encyclopaedia of Music. The oldest copy of it that 
 has been preserved was published in France, in Marot and 
 Beza's Psalms, 1550. Subjoined is a faithful transcript of its 
 original adaptation to the 134th Psalm. It contrasts as broadly 
 with the present style of musical notation as does the English 
 of Chaucer with that of Noah Webster. 
 
 NMpUj^^-^rfTr 
 
 221 
 
 Or sus serviteurs du Seigneur, Vous qui de nuit en son honneur 
 
 TTp^ " 5^^? |vf°^-g-{| 
 
 1 
 
 De-dans sa maison le servez, Louez-le, et son Nom elevez. 
 
 LA MARSEILLAISE. 
 
 Rouget de Lisle was a young officer of engineers at Stras- 
 bourg. He was born at Lons-le- Saulnier, in the Jura a country 
 of reverie and energy, as mountains commonly are. He re- 
 lieved the tediousness of a garrison-life by writing verses and 
 indulging a love of music. He was a frequent visitor at the 
 house of the Baron de Diedrich, a noble Alsacian of the consti- 
 tutional party, the Mayor of Strasbourg. The family loved the 
 young officer, and gave new inspiration to his heart in its at- 
 tachment to music and poetry, and the ladies were in the habit 
 of assisting, by their performances, the early conceptions of his 
 genius. A famine prevailed at Strasbourg in the winter of 
 1792. The house of Diedrich was rich at the beginning of the 
 
ORIGIN OP THINGS FAMILIAR. ' 351 
 
 revolution, but had now become poor under the calamities and 
 sacrifices of the time. Its frugal table had always a hospitable 
 place for Rouget de Lisle. He was there morning and even- 
 ing as a son and brother. One day, when only some slices of 
 ham smoked upon the table, with a supply of camp-bread, Die- 
 drich said to De Lisle, in sad serenity, " Plenty is not found 
 at our meals. But no matter : enthusiasm is not wanting at 
 our civic festivals, and our soldiers' hearts are full of courage. 
 We have one more bottle of Rhine wine in the cellar. Let us 
 have it, and we'll drink to liberty and the country. Strasbourg 
 will soon have a patriotic fife, and De Lisle must draw from 
 these last drops one of his hymns that will carry his own ardent 
 feelings to the soul of the people." The young ladies applauded 
 the proposal. They brought the wine, and continued to fill the 
 glasses of Diedrich and the young officer until the bottle was 
 empty. The night was cold. De Lisle's head and heart were 
 warm. He found his way to his lodgings, entered his solitary 
 chamber, and sought for inspiration at one moment in the pal- 
 pitations of his citizen's heart, and at another by touching, as 
 an artist, the keys of his instrument, and striking out alter- 
 nately portions of an air and giving utterance to poetic 
 thoughts. He did not himself know which came first ; it was 
 impossible for him to separate the poetry from the music, or the 
 sentiment from the words in which it was clothed. He sang 
 altogether, and wrote nothing. In this state of lofty inspira- 
 tion, he went to sleep with his head upon the instrument. The 
 chants of the night came upon him in the morning like the 
 faint impressions of a dream. He wrote down the words, made 
 the notes of the music, and ran to Diedrich's. He found him 
 in the garden digging winter lettuces. The wife of the patriot 
 mayor was not yet up. Diedrich awoke her. They called to- 
 gether some friends, who were, like themselves, passionately 
 fond of music, and able to execute the compositions of De Lisle 
 One of the young ladies played, and Rouget sang. At the first 
 stanza, the countenances of the company grew pale ; at the 
 second, tears flowed abundantly; at the last, a delirium of en- 
 
352 ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 thusiasm broke forth. Diedrich, his wife, and the young offi* 
 eer cast themselves into each others' arms. The hymn of the 
 nation was found. Alas ! it was destined to become a hymn of 
 terror. The unhappy Diedrich a few months afterwards marched 
 to the scaffold at the sound of the notes first uttered at his hearth, 
 from the heart of his friend and the voice of his wife. 
 
 The new song, executed some days afterwards publicly at 
 Strasbourg, flew from town to town through all the orchestras. 
 Marseilles adopted it to be sung at the opening and adjourn- 
 ment of the clubs. Hence it took the name of the Marseillaise 
 Hymn. The old mother of De Lisle, a loyalist and a religious 
 person, alarmed at the reverberation of her son's name, wrote 
 to him, "What is the meaning of this revolutionary hymn, 
 sung by hordes of robbers who pass all over France, with which 
 our name is mixed up?" De Lisle himself, proscribed as a 
 Federalist, heard its re-echo upon his ears as a threat of death 
 as he fled among the paths of Jura. "What is this song 
 called?" he inquired of his guide. "The Marseillaise," re- 
 plied the peasant. It was with difficulty that he escaped. 
 
 The " Marseillaise" was the liquid fire of the revolution. It 
 distilled into the senses and the soul of the people the frenzy 
 of battle. Its notes floated like an ensign, dipped in warm 
 blood over a field of combat. Glory and crime, victory and 
 death, seemed interwoven in its strains. It was the song of 
 patriotism ; but it was the signal of fury. It accompanied war- 
 riors to the field and victims to the scaffold ! 
 
 There is no national air that will compare with the Marseil- 
 laise in sublimity and power : it embraces the soft cadences full 
 of the peasant's home, and the stormy clangor of silver and 
 steel when an empire is overthrown ; it endears the memory 
 of the vine-dresser's cottage, and makes the Frenchman, in his 
 exile, cry, " La belle France !" forgetful of the sword, and torch, 
 and guillotine, which have made his country a spectre of blood 
 in the eyes of nations. Nor can the foreigner listen to it, sung 
 by a company of exiles, or executed by a band of musicians, 
 without feeling that it is the pibroch of battle and war. 
 
ORIGIN OP THINGS FAMILIAR. 353 
 
 YANKEE DOODLE. • 
 
 The good the Rhine-song does to German hearts, 
 Or thine, Marseilles ! to France's fiery blood ; 
 
 The good thy anthemed harmony imparts, 
 
 " God save the Queen !" to England's field and flood, 
 
 A home-born blessing, Nature's boon, not Art's, 
 The same heart-cheering, spirit-warming good, 
 
 To us and ours, where'er we war or woo, 
 
 Thy words and music, Yankee Doodle ! — do. — Halleck. 
 
 The origin of Yankee Doodle is by no means so clear as 
 American antiquaries desire. The statement that the air was 
 composed by Dr. Shackburg, in 1755, when the colonial troops 
 united with the British regulars near Albany, preparatory to 
 the attack on the French posts of Niagara and Frontenac, and 
 that it was produced in derision of the old-fashioned equipments 
 of the provincial soldiers as contrasted with the neat and or- 
 derly appointments of the regulars, was published some years 
 ago in a musical magazine printed in Boston. The account 
 there given as to the origin of the song is this : — During the 
 attacks upon the French outposts in 1755, in America, Governor 
 Shirley and General Jackson led the force directed against the 
 enemy lying at Niagara and Frontenac. In the early part of 
 June, whilst these troops were stationed on the banks of the 
 Hudson, near Albany, the descendants of the " Pilgrim fathers" 
 flocked in from the Eastern provinces. Never was seen such a 
 motley regiment as took up its position on the left wing of 
 the British army. The band played music as antiquated and 
 outre" as their uniforms; oflicers and privates had adopted regi- 
 mentals each man after his own fashion; one wore a flowing 
 wig, while his neighbor rejoiced in hair cropped closely to the 
 head ; this one had a coat with wonderful long skirts, his fel- 
 low marched without his upper garment; various as the colors 
 of the rainbow were the clothes worn by the gallant band. It 
 so happened that there was a certain Dr. Shackburg, wit, musi- 
 cian, and surgeon, and one evening after mess he produced a 
 tune, which he earnestly commended, as a well-known piece of 
 military music, to the oflicers of the militia. The joke suo- 
 X 30* 
 
354 ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 ceeded, and Yankee Doodle was hailed by acclamation " their 
 own march." 
 
 This account is somewhat apocryphal, as there is no song : 
 the tune in the United States is a march ; there are no words 
 to it of a national character. The only words ever affixed to 
 the air in this country is the following doggerel quatrain : — 
 
 Yankee Doodle came to town 
 
 Upon a little pony; 
 He stuck a feather in his hat 
 
 And called it macaroni. 
 
 It has been asserted by English writers that the air and words 
 of these lines are as old as Cromwell's time. The only altera- 
 tion is in making Yankee Doodle of what was Nankee Doodle. 
 It is asserted that the tune will be found in the Musical Anti- 
 quities of England, and that Nankee Doodle was intended to 
 apply to Cromwell, and the other lines were designed to " allude 
 to his going into Oxford with a single plume, fastened in a knot 
 called a macaroni." The tune was known in New England be- 
 fore the Revolution as Lydia Fisher's Jig, a name derived 
 from a famous lady of easy virtue in the reign of Charles II., 
 and which has been perpetuated in the following nursery- 
 rhyme : — 
 
 Lucy Locket lost her pocket, 
 Kitty Fisher found it ; 
 
 Not a bit of money in it, , 
 
 Only binding round it. 
 
 The regulars in Boston in 1775 and 1776 are said to have 
 sung verses to the same air : — 
 
 Yankee Doodle came to town, 
 
 For to buy a firelock; 
 We will tar and feather him, 
 
 And so we will John Hancock, <fec. 
 
 The manner in which the tune came to be adopted by the 
 Americans, is shown in the following letter of the Rev. W. Gor- 
 don. Describing the battles of Lexington and Concord, before 
 alluded to, he says : — 
 
 The brigade under Lord Percy marched out (of Boston) 
 
ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 355 
 
 playing, by way of contempt, Yankee Doodle : they were after- 
 wards told that they had been made to dance to it. 
 
 It is most likely that Yankee Doodle was originally derived 
 from Holland. A song with the following burden has long 
 been in use among the laborers who, in the time of harvest, 
 migrate from Germany to the Low Countries, where they re- 
 ceive for their work as much buttermilk as they can drink, and 
 a tenth of the grain secured by their exertions : — 
 
 Yanker didel, doodel down, 
 
 Didel, dudel lauter, 
 Yanke viver, voover vown, 
 
 Botermilk und Tanther. 
 
 That is, buttermilk and a tenth. 
 
 THE AMERICAN FLAG. 
 
 A resolution was introduced in the American Congress, June 
 13, 1777, "That the flag of the thirteen United States be 
 thirteen stripes, alternately red and white ; that the union be 
 thirteen stars, white in a blue field, representing a new constel- 
 lation." There is a striking coincidence between the design 
 of our flag and the arms of General Washington, which con- 
 sisted of three stars in the upper portion, and three bars run- 
 ning across the escutcheon. It is thought by some that the 
 flag was derived from this heraldic design. History informs us 
 that several flags were used by the Yankees before the present 
 national one was adopted. In March, 1775, a Union flag with 
 a red field was hoisted in New York, bearing the inscription on 
 one side of " George Rex and the liberties of America/' and 
 upon the reverse, "No Popery." General Israel Putnam raised 
 on Prospect Hill, July 18, 1775, a flag bearing on one side 
 the motto of the commonwealth of Massachusetts, " Qui trans- 
 tulit sustinet," on the other, "An appeal to Heaven," — an ap- 
 peal well taken and amply sustained. In October, 1775, the 
 floating batteries of Boston bore a flag with the latter motto, 
 and a pine-tree upon a white field, with the Massachusetts 
 emblem. Some of the colonies used in 1775 a flag with a 
 
356 ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 rattlesnake coiled as if about to strike, and the motto " Don't 
 tread on me." On January 18, 1776, the grand Union flag 
 of the stars and stripes was raised on the heights near Boston; 
 and it is said that some of the regulars made the great mistake 
 of supposing it was a token of submission to the king, whose 
 speech had just been sent to the Americans. The British Re- 
 gister of 1776 says, "They [the rebels] burnt the king's 
 speech, and changed their colors from a plain red ground to a 
 flag with thirteen stripes, as a symbol of the number and union 
 of the colonies." A letter from Boston, published in the Penn- 
 sylvania Gazette, in 1776, says, " The Union flag was raised 
 on the 2d, a compliment to the United Colonies." These vari- 
 ous flags, the Pine-Tree, the Rattlesnake, and the Stripes, were 
 used, according to the tastes of the patriots, until July, 1777, 
 when the blue union of the stars was added to the stripes, and 
 the flag established by law. At first a stripe was added for 
 each new State ; but the flag became too large, and Congress 
 reduced the stripes to the original thirteen, and now the stars 
 are made to correspond in number with the States. No one, 
 who lives under the protection of the Stars and Stripes, will 
 deny that "the American flag is one of the most beautiful 
 that floats upon any land or sea." Its proportions are per- 
 fect when it is properly made, — one-half as broad as it is long. 
 The first stripe at the top is red, the next white, and these 
 colors alternate, making the last stripe red. The blue field for 
 the stars is the width and square of the first seven stripes, viz., 
 four red and three white. The colors of the American flag are 
 in beautiful relief, and it is altogether a splendid national em- 
 blem. Long may it wave untarnished ! 
 
 BROTHER JONATHAN. 
 
 The origin of this term, as applied to the United States, is as 
 follows. When General Washington, after being appointed 
 commander of the army of the Revolutionary War, went to 
 Massachusetts to organize it, he found a great want of ammu- 
 nition and other means of defence; and on one occasion it 
 
ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 357 
 
 seemed that no means could be devised for the necessary safety. 
 Jonathan Trumbull, the elder, was then Governor of the State 
 of Connecticut ; and the general, placing the greatest reliance 
 on his excellency's judgment, remarked, "We must consult 
 Brother Jonathan on the subject." The general did so, and 
 the governor was successful in supplying many of the wants 
 of the army; and thenceforward, when difficulties arose, and the 
 army was spread over the country, it became a by-phrase, "We 
 must consult Brother Jonathan;" and the name has now become 
 a designation for the whole country, as John Bull has for 
 England. 
 
 UNCLE SAM. 
 
 Immediately after the declaration of war with England, in 1812, 
 Elbert Anderson, of New York, then a contractor, visited Troy, 
 where he purchased a large quantity of provisions. The in- 
 spectors of the articles at that place were Ebenezer and Samuel 
 Wilson. The latter gentleman (universally known as "Uncle 
 Sam") generally superintended in person a large number of 
 workmen, who, on this occasion, were employed in overhauling 
 the provisions purchased by the contractor. The casks were 
 marked " E. A. — U. S." Their inspection fell to the lot of a 
 facetious fellow, who, on being asked the meaning of the mark, 
 said he did not know, unless it meant Elbert Anderson and 
 Uncle Sam, alluding to Uncle Sam Wilson. The joke took 
 among the workmen, and passed currently; and "Uncle Sam," 
 when present, was often rallied by them on the increasing ex- 
 tent of his possessions. 
 
 THE DOLLAR MARK, $. 
 
 Writers are not agreed as to the derivation of this sign to 
 represent dollars. Some say that it comes from the letters U. 
 S., which, after the adoption of the Federal Constitution, were 
 prefixed to the Federal currency, and which afterwards, in the 
 hurry of writing, were run into one another, the U being made 
 first and the S over it. Others say that it is derived from the 
 contraction of the Spanish word pesos, dollars ; others, from the 
 
358 ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 Spanish fuertes, hard, — to distinguish silver from paper money. 
 The more plausible explanation is, that it is a modification of 
 the figure 8, and denotes a piece of eight reals, or, as the dol- 
 lar was formerly called, a piece of eight. It was then desig- 
 nated by the figures §. 
 
 ORIGIN OF VARIOUS INVENTIONS AND CUSTOMS. 
 
 The Saxons first introduced archery in the time of Yortigern 
 It was dropped immediately after the conquest, but was revived 
 by the Crusaders, they having felt the effects of it in their com- 
 bats with the Saracens, who probably derived it from the Par- 
 thians. The Normans brought with them the cross-bow, but 
 after the time of Edward II. its use was supplanted by that of 
 the long-bow, which became the favorite national weapon. Bows 
 and arrows, as weapons of war, were in use with stone cannon- 
 balls as late as 1640. All the statutes for the encouragement 
 of archery were framed after the invention of gunpowder and 
 firearms, the object being to prevent this ancient weapon be- 
 coming obsolete. Yew-trees were encouraged in churchyards, 
 for the making of bows, in 1642. Hence their generality in 
 churchyards in England. 
 
 Coats of arms, or armorial bearings, came into vogue in the 
 reign of Richard I. of England, and became hereditary in 
 families about the year 1192. They took their rise from the 
 knights painting their banners with different figures to dis- 
 tinguish them in the Crusades. 
 
 The first standing army of modern times was established by 
 Charles VII. of France, in 1445. Previous to that time the 
 king had depended upon his nobles for contingents in time of 
 war. A standing army was first established in England in 
 1638, by Charles I., but it was declared illegal, as well as the 
 organization of the royal guards, in 1769. The first permanent 
 military band instituted in England was the yeomen of the 
 guards, established in 1486. 
 
 Guns were invented by Swartz, a German, about 1378, and 
 brought into use by the Venetians, in 1382. Cannon were, in- 
 
ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 359 
 
 vented at an anterior date : at Amberg may still be seen a piece 
 of ordnance inscribed 1303. They were first used at the battle 
 of Cressy in 1346. In England, they were first used at the 
 siege of Berwick, in 1405. It was not until 1544, however, 
 that they were cast in England. They were employed on ship- 
 board by the Venetians in 1539, and were in use among the 
 Turks about the same time. An artillery company was insti- 
 tuted in England for weekly military exercises in 1610. 
 
 Dating from the Christian Era was commenced in Italy in 
 525, and in England in 816. 
 
 Pliny gives the origin of glass-making thus. As some mer- 
 chants were carrying nitre, they stopped near a river issuing 
 from Mount Carmel. Not readily finding stones to rest their 
 kettles on, they used some pieces of nitre for that purpose : the 
 fire gradually dissolving the nitre, it mixed with the sand, and 
 a transparent matter flowed, which, in fact, was glass. 
 
 Insurance of ships was first practised in the reign of Caesar, 
 in 45. It was a general custom in Europe in 1494. Insurance- 
 offices were first established in London in 1667. 
 
 Astronomy was first studied by the Moors, and was intro- 
 duced by them into Europe in 1201. The rapid progress of 
 modern astronomy dates from the time of Copernicus. Books 
 of astronomy and geometry were destroyed, as infected with 
 magic, in England, under the reign of Edward VI., in 1552. 
 
 Banks were first established by the Lombard Jews, in Italy. 
 The name is derived .froni banco, a term applied to the benches 
 erected in the market-places for the exchanges of money, &c. 
 The first public bank was at Venice, in 1550. The Bank of 
 England was established in 1693. In 1696 its notes were at 
 twenty per cent, discount. 
 
 The invention of bells is attributed to Paulinus, Bishop of 
 Nola, in Campania, about the year 400. They were originally in- 
 troduced into churches as a defence against thunder and light- ' 
 ning. They were first hung up in England, at Croyland A.bbey, 
 Lincolnshire, in 945. In the eleventh century and later, it 
 was the custom to baptize them in churches before they were 
 
I 
 360 ORIGIN OP THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 used. The curfew-bell was established in 1068. It was rung 
 at eight o'clock in the evening, when people were obliged to 
 put out their fire and candle. The custom was abolished in 
 1100. Chimes, or musical bells, were invented at Alost, in 
 Belgium, 1487. Bellmen were appointed in London, in 1556, 
 to rin^ the bells at night, and cry, "Take care of your fire and 
 candle, be charitable to the poor, and pray for the dead." 
 
 How many are aware of the origin of the word " boo !" used 
 to frighten children ? It is a corruption of Boh, the name of 
 a fierce Gothic general, the son of Odin, the mention of whose 
 name spread a panic among his enemies. 
 
 Book-keeping was first introduced into England from Italy 
 by Peele, in 1569. It was derived from a system of algebra 
 published by Burgo, at Venice. 
 
 Notaries public were first appointed by the Fathers of tne 
 Christian Church to make a collection of the acts or memoirs 
 of martyrs in the first century. 
 
 The administration of the oath in civil cases is of high anti- 
 quity. See Exodus xxii. 11. Swearing on the Gospels was 
 first used in 528. The oath was first administered in judicial 
 proceedings in England by the Saxons, in 600. The words 
 " So help me God, and all saints/' concluded an oath, till 
 1550. 
 
 Signals to be used at sea were first contrived by James II., 
 when he was Duke of York, in 1665. They were afterwards 
 improved by the French commander Tousville, and by Admiral 
 Balchen. 
 
 Raw silk is said to have first been made by a people of China 
 called Ceres, 150 b. 0. It was first brought from India, in 274, 
 and a pound of it at that time was worth a pound of gold. The 
 manufacture of raw silk was introduced into Europe from 
 India by some monks in 550. Silk dresses were first worn in 
 1455. The eggs of the silk-worm were first brought into 
 Europe in 527. 
 
 Paulus Jovius was the first person who introduced mottoes ; 
 Dorat, the first who brought anagrams into fashion. Rabelais 
 
ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 361 
 
 was the first who wrote satires in French prose; Etienne Jodellc, 
 the first who introduced tragedies into France. The Cardinal 
 of Ferrara, Archbishop of Lyous, was the first who had a tragi- 
 comedy performed on- the stage of Italian comedians. The first 
 sonnet that appeared in French is attributed to Jodelle. 
 
 Guido Aretino, a Benedictine monk of Arezzo, Tuscany, in 
 1204 designated the notes used in the musical scale by syllables 
 derived from the following verses of a Latin hymn dedicated to 
 St. John :— 
 
 UT queant laxis REsonare fibris, 
 MIra gestorum FAmuli tuoruin, 
 SOLve pollutis LAbii reatuin. 
 Pater Alme. 
 
 By this means he converted the old tetrachord into hexachords. 
 He also invented lines and spaces in musical notation. 
 
 The invention of clocks is by some ascribed to Pacificus, 
 Archdeacon of Verona, in the ninth century ; and by others, to 
 Boethius, in the early part of the sixth. The Saracens are sup- 
 posed to have had clocks which were moved by weights, as 
 early as the eleventh century ; and, as the term is applied by 
 Dante to a machine which struck the hours, clocks must have* 
 been known in Italy about the end of the thirteenth or begin- 
 ning of the fourteenth century. The most ancient clock of 
 which we have any certain account was erected in a tower of 
 the palace of Charles V., King of France, in 1364, by Henry 
 de Wyck or de Vick, a German artist. A clock was erected 
 at Strasbourg in 1370, at Courtray about the same period, and 
 at Speyer in 1395. 
 
 Watches are said to have been made at Nuremberg as early 
 as 1477 ', but it is uncertain how far the watches then con- 
 structed resembled those now in use. Some of the early ones 
 were very small, in the shape of a pear, and sometimes fitted 
 into the top of a walking-stick. As time-keepers, watches 
 could have had very little value before the application of the 
 /Spiral spring as a regulator to the balance. This was invented 
 
 by Hooke, in 1658. 
 
 31 
 
362 ORIGIN OP THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 The use of the pendulum was suggested by a circumstance 
 similar to that which started in Newton's mind the train of 
 thought that led to the theory of gravitation. Galileo, when 
 under twenty years of age, standing one day in the metro- 
 politan church of Pisa, observed a lamp, which was sus- 
 pended from the ceiling, and which had been disturbed by 
 accident, swing backwards and forwards. This was a thing 
 so common that thousands, no doubt, had observed it before ; 
 but G-alileo, struck with the regularity with which it moved 
 backwards and forwards, reflected upon it, and perfected the 
 method now in use of measuring time by means of a pendulum. 
 
 A monk named Bivalto mentions, in a sermon preached in 
 Florence in 1305, that spectacles had then been known about 
 twenty years. This would place the invention about the year 
 1285. 
 
 Quills are supposed to have been used for writing-pens in the 
 fifth century, though the conjecture rests mainly on an anecdote 
 of Theodoric, King of the Ostrogoths, who, being so illiterate 
 that he could not write even the initials of his own name, was 
 provided with a plate of gold through which the letters were 
 "cut, and, this being placed on the paper when his signature was 
 required, he traced the letters with a quill. The date of the 
 earliest certain account of the modern writing-pen is 636. The 
 next notice occurs in the latter part of the same century, 
 in a Latin sonnet to a pen by Aldhelm, a Saxon author. The 
 reeds formerly employed are still used in some Eastern nations. 
 Steel pens were first made by Wise, in England, in 1803. 
 
 The first known treatise on stenography is the curious and 
 scarce little work entitled "Arte of Shorte, Swifte, and Secrete 
 Writing by Character, invented by Timothe Bright, Doctor of 
 Phisike." 
 
 The art of printing, according to Du Halde and the mission- 
 aries, was practised in China nearly fifty years before the Chris- 
 tian Era. In the time of Confucius, B.C. 500, books were 
 formed of slips of bamboo; and about 150 years after Christ, 
 paper was first made; a.d. 745, books were bound into leaves; 
 
ORIGIN OP THINGS FAMILIAR. 363 
 
 A.D. 900, printing was in general use. The process of printing 
 is simple. The materials consist of a graver, blocks of wood, 
 and a brush, which the printers carry with them from place 
 to place. Without wheel, or wedge, or screw, a printer will 
 throw off more than two thousand five hundred impressions in 
 one day. The paper (thin) can be bought for one-fourth the 
 price in China that it can in any other country. The works 
 of Confucius, six volumes, four hundred leaves, octavo, can be 
 bought for twelve cents. 
 
 Stamps for marking wares, packages, &c. were in use among 
 the Roman tradesmen; and it is highly probable that had the 
 modern art of making paper been known to the ancients, they 
 would have diffused among themselves, and transmitted to pos- 
 terity, printed books. 
 
 From the early commercial intercourse of the Venetians with 
 China, there is reason to believe that the knowledge of the art 
 and of its application to the multiplying of books was derived 
 from thence ; for Venice is the first place in Europe, of which 
 we have any account, in which it was practised, a Government 
 decree respecting it having been issued October 11, 1441. Pre- 
 vious to the year 1450, all printing had been executed by means 
 of engraved blocks of wood ) but about this period, the great 
 and accumulating expense of engraving blocks for each separate 
 work led to the substitution of movable metal types. The 
 credit of this great improvement is given to Peter Schceffer, the 
 assistant and son-in-law of John Faust, of Mentz, (commonly 
 called Dr. Faustus.) The first book printed with the cast metal 
 types was the " Mentz Bible," which was executed by Faust 
 and Guttemberg, between the years 1450 and 1455. 
 
 The Dutch claim to have originated stereotyping. They 
 have, as they say, a prayer-book stereotyped in 1701. The first 
 attempt at stereotyping in America was made in 1775, by Benja- 
 min Mecom, a printer of Philadelphia. He cast plates for a num- 
 ber of pages of the New Testament, but never completed them. 
 
 The first printingrpress in America was established at Cam' 
 bridge, Mass., in 1639. 
 
364 ORIGIN OP THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 COCK-FIGHTING. 
 
 Themistocles, marching against the Persians, beheld two game- 
 cocks in the heat of battle, and thereupon pointed out to his 
 Athenian soldiery their indomitable courage. The Athenians 
 were victorious; and Themistocles gave order that an annual 
 cock-fight should be held in commemoration of the encounter 
 they had witnessed No record of this sport occurs in England 
 before the year 1191. 
 
 TURNCOAT. 
 
 The opprobious epithet, turncoat, took its rise from one of 
 the first dukes of Savoy, whose dominions lying open to the 
 incursions of the two contending houses of Spain and France, 
 he was obliged to temporize and fall in with that power that 
 was most likely to distress him, according to the success of their 
 arms against one another. So being frequently obliged to 
 change sides, he humorously got a coat made that was blue on one 
 side, and white on the other, and might be indifferently worn 
 either side out. While in the Spanish interest, he wore the 
 blue side out, and the white side was the badge for the French. 
 Hence he was called Emmanuel, surnamed the Turncoat, by 
 way of distinguishing him from other princes of the same 
 name of that house. 
 
 INDIA-RUBBER. 
 
 Caoutchouc was long known before its most valuable qualities 
 were appreciated. One of the earliest notices of its practical 
 use occurs in Dr. Priestly's Theory and Practice of Perspective, 
 printed in 1770. "I have seen" says he, "a substance excel- 
 lently adapted to the purpose of wiping from paper the marks 
 of a black lead-pencil. It must, therefore, be of singular use 
 to those who practice drawing. It is sold by Mr. Nairne, 
 mathematical instrument-maker, opposite the Royal Exchange. 
 He sells a cubical piece, of about half an inch, for three shillings ; 
 and, he says, it will last several years." 
 
ORIGIN OP THINGS FAMILIAR. 365 
 
 FRICTION MATCHES. 
 
 In 1836 the subject of friction matches attracted the atten- 
 tion of Mr. L. C. Allin, of Springfield, Massachusetts. At that 
 time a clumsy phosphoric match, imported from France, had 
 come into limited use in the United States. It was made by 
 dipping the match-stick first into sulphur, and then into a 
 paste composed of chloride of potash, red lead, and loaf sugar. 
 Each box of matches was accompanied by a bottle of sulphur- 
 ic acid, into which every match had to be dipped in order to 
 light it. To abolish this inconvenience, and make a match 
 which would light from the friction caused by any rough sur- 
 face, was the task to which young Allin applied himself. He 
 succeeded, but took out no patent. On being urged to do so, 
 he found that a patent had already been obtained by one Phil- 
 lips of Chicopee, a peddler, who had probably picked up 
 through a third party the result of Mr. Allin's study. Mr. 
 Allin's legal adviser thought that he (Allin) would do better 
 to have the right to manufacture under Phillips' patent (which 
 Phillips gave him without charge, in consideration of the 
 waiving of his claim,) than to bear the expense of the litigation 
 which was feared to be necessary to establish his claim. So the 
 inventor of friction matches became simply a manufacturer 
 under another man's patent. 
 
 THE FLAG OF ENGLAND. 
 
 On the 12th of April, 1606, the Union Jack — that famous 
 ensign — first made its appearance. From Rymer's Feeder^ and 
 the Scottish Annals of Sir James Balfour, we learn that some 
 differences having arisen between ships of the two countries at sea, 
 the king ordained that a new flag be adopted with the crosses 
 of St. Andrew and St. George interlaced, by placing the latter 
 fimbriated on the blue flag of Scotland as the ground thereof. 
 This flag all ships were to carry at their main top ; but English 
 ships were to display St. George's red cross at their stern, and 
 the Scottish the white saltire of St. Andrew. 
 
 31* 
 
366 ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 BLUE-STOCKING. 
 
 It was the fashion in London, 4n 1781, for ladies to have 
 evening assemblies, where they might participate in conversa- 
 tion with literary men. These societies acquired the name of 
 Blue- Stocking Clubs, — an appellation which has been applied 
 to pedantic females ever since. It arose from the custom of 
 Mr. Stillingfleet, one of the most eminent members, wearing 
 blue stockings. Such was the excellence of his conversation, 
 and his absence was so great a loss, that it used to be said, 
 " We can do nothing without the Blue Stockings;" and thus the 
 title was gradually established. In Hannah More's poem, Bas 
 bleu, many of the most conspicuous members are mentioned. 
 
 SKEDADDLE. 
 
 This word may be easily traced to a Greek origin. The verb 
 trxedawupLt, of which the root is exeda, is used freely by Thucy- 
 dides, Herodotus, and other Greek writers, in describing the 
 dispersion of a routed army. From the root <rxeda the word 
 skedaddle is formed by simply adding the euphonious termina- 
 tion die and doubling the d, as required by the analogy of our 
 language in such words. In many words of undoubted Greek 
 extraction much greater changes are made. 
 
 The Swedes have a similar word, shuddadahl, and the. Danes 
 another, skyededehl, both of which have the same signification. 
 
 An old version of the Irish New Testament contains the 
 passage, " For it is written, I will smite the shepherd, and the 
 sheep of the flock shall be sgedad ol" This compound Irish 
 word sgedad ol (all scattered or utterly routed) was probably 
 used by some Irishman at Bull Bun, and, being regarded as 
 felicitous, was at once adopted. 
 
 FOOLSCAP PAPER. 
 
 The term of "foolscap," to designate a certain size of paper, 
 no doubt has puzzled many an anxious inquirer. It appears 
 that Charles I., of England, granted numerous monopolies 
 for the support of the Government, among others the manu- 
 facture of paper. The water-mark of the finest sort was the 
 
ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 367 
 
 royal arms of England. The consumption of this article was 
 great, and large fortunes were made by those who purchased 
 the exclusive right to vend it. This, among other monopolies, 
 was set aside by the Parliament that brought Charles I. to the 
 scaffold; and, by way of showing contempt for the King, 
 they ordered the royal arms to be taken from the paper, and a 
 fool with his cap and bells to be substituted. It is now over 
 two hundred y£ars since the fool's cap was taken from the 
 paper, but still the paper of the size which the Rump 
 Parliament ordered for their journals bears the name of the 
 water-mark placed there as an indignity to King Charles. 
 
 THE FIRST FORGED BANK-NOTE. 
 
 Sixty-four years after the establishment of the Bank of 
 England, the first forged note was presented for payment, 
 and to Richard William Vaughn, a Stafford linen-draper, 
 belongs the melancholy celebrity of having led the van in this 
 new phase of crime, in the year 1758. The records of his life 
 do not show want, beggary or starvation urging him, but a 
 simple desire to seem greater than he was. By one of the 
 artists employed (and there were several engaged on different 
 parts of the notes) the discovery was made. The criminal had 
 filled up to the number of twenty and deposited them in the 
 hands of a young lady to whom he was attached, as a proof of 
 his wealth. There is no calculating how much longer bank-notes 
 might have been free from imitation had this man not shown 
 with what ease they could be counterfeited. From this period 
 forged notes became common. His execution did not deter others 
 from the offence, and many a neck was forfeited to the halter 
 before the late abolition of capital punishment for that crime. 
 
 ,THE FIRST PIANO-FORTE. 
 
 A play-bill of the Covent Garden Theatre, dated May 16, 
 1767, after setting forth the performance of The Beggar's 
 Opera, contains the following notification: — "End of Act 
 First, Miss Brickler will sing a favorite song from Judith, 
 accompanied by Mr. Dibdin on a new instrument called Piano- 
 
368 ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 Forte." The first manufacturer is believed to be a German 
 named Backers, as there is still in existence the name-board 
 of a piano inscribed "Americus Backers, Factor et Inventor, 
 Jermyn Street, London, 1776." 
 
 THE FIRST DOCTORS. 
 
 The title of Doctor was invented in the twelfth century, 
 at the first establishment of the universities. .The first person 
 upon whom it was conferred was Irneritjs, a learned Professor 
 of Law, at the University of Bologna. He induced the 
 Emperor Lothaire II., whose Chancellor he was, to create the 
 title ; and he himself- was the first recipient of it. He was 
 made Doctor of Laws by that university. Subsequently the 
 title was borrowed by the faculty of Theology, and first con- 
 ferred by the University of Paris on Peter Lombard, the 
 celebrated scholastic theologian. William Gordenio was 
 the first person upon whom the title of Doctor of Medicine 
 was bestowed. He received it from the college at Asti, in 
 1329. 
 
 THE FIRST THANKSGIVING PROCLAMATION. 
 
 The first proclamation of Thanksgiving Day that is to be 
 found in a printed form is the one issued by his Excellency 
 Francis Bernard, Captain-General and Governor-in-Chief 
 in and over His Majesty's province of the Massachusetts Bay, 
 in New England, and Vice- Admiral of the same, in 1767. It 
 is as follows : — 
 
 A Proclamation for a Public Thanksgiving. 
 
 As the Business of the Year is now drawing towards a Con- 
 clusion, we are reminded, according to the laudable Usage of 
 this Province, to join together in a grateful Acknowledgement 
 of the manifold Mercies of the Divine Providence conferred 
 upon Us in the passing Year : Wherefore, I have thought fit 
 to appoint, and I do with the advice of His Majesty's Council 
 appoint, Thursday, the Third Day of December next, to be a 
 day of public Thanksgiving, that we may thereupon with one 
 Heart and Yoice return our most humble Thanks to Almighty 
 
ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 369 
 
 God for the gracious Dispensations of His Providence since 
 the last religious Anniversary of this kind : and especially for 
 — that he has been pleased to preserve and maintain our most 
 gracious Sovereign King George in Health and Wealth, in 
 Peace and Honour ; and to extend the Blessings of his Govern- 
 ment to the remotest Part of his Dominions ; — that He hath 
 been pleased to bless and preserve our gracious Queen Char- 
 lotte, their Royal Highnesses the Prince of Wales, the 
 Princess Dowager of Wales, and all the Royal family, and by 
 the frequent En crease of the Royal Issue to assure to us the 
 Continuation of the Blessings which we derive from that illus- 
 trious House ; — that He hath been pleased to prosper the whole 
 British Empire by the Preservation of Peace, the En crease of 
 Trade, and the opening of new Sources of National Wealth j — 
 and now particularly that he hath been pleased to favor the 
 people of this province with healthy and kindly Seasons, and 
 to bless the Labour of their Hands with a Sufficiency of the 
 Produce of the Earth and of the Sea. 
 
 And I. do exhort all Ministers of the Gospel, with their 
 several Congregations, within this Province, that they assemble 
 on the said Day in a Solemn manner to return their most 
 humble thanks to Almighty God for these and all other His 
 Mercies vouchsafed unto us, and to beseech Him, notwith- 
 standing our Unworthiness, to continue his gracious Provi- 
 dence over us. And I command and enjoin all Magistrates 
 and Civil Officers to see that the said Day be observed as a Day 
 set apart for religious worship, and that no servile Labour be 
 permitted thereon. 
 
 Given at the Council Chamber in Boston, the Fourth Day 
 of November, 1767, in the Eighth Year of the Reign of our 
 Sovereign Lord George the Third, by the Grace of God, of 
 Great Britain, France and Ireland, King, Defender of the 
 Faith, &c. Fra Bernard. 
 
 By his Excellency's Command. 
 
 A. Oliver, Sec'ry. 
 God save the King. 
 
870 ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 THE FIRST PRAYER IN CONGRESS. 
 
 in Thatcher's Military Journal, under date of December, 
 1777, is a note containing the first prayer in Congress, made 
 by the Rev. Jacob Duche, rector of Christ Church, a gentle- 
 man of learning and eloquence, who subsequently proved 
 traitorous to the cause of Independence : — 
 
 O Lord our heavenly Father, high and mighty King of 
 kings and Lord of lords, who dost frorn^ thy throne behold all 
 the dwellers on earth, and reign est with power supreme and 
 uncontrolled over all the kingdoms, empires, and governments ; 
 look down in mercy, we beseech thee, on these American 
 states, who have fled to thee from the rod of the oppressor, 
 and thrown themselves on thy gracious protection, desiring to 
 be henceforth dependent only on thee ; to thee they have 
 appealed for the righteousness of their cause; to thee do they 
 now look up for that countenance and support which thou 
 alone canst give; take them, therefore, heavenly Father, 
 under thy nurturing care ; give them wisdom in council, and 
 valor in the field; defeat the malicious designs of our cruel 
 adversaries; convince them of the unrighteousness of their 
 cause ; and if they still persist in their sanguinary purposes, 
 let the voice of thine own unerring justice, sounding in 
 their hearts, constrain them to drop the weapons of war from 
 their unnerved hands in the day of battle. Be thou present, 
 God of Wisdom, and direct the counsels of this honorable 
 assembly ; enable them to settle things on the best and surest 
 foundation, that the scene of blood may be speedily closed, 
 that order, harmony, and peace may be effectually restored, 
 and truth and justice, religion and piety, prevail and flourish 
 amongst thy people. Preserve the health of their bodies and 
 the vigor of their minds ; shower down on them and the mil- 
 lions they here represent, such temporal blessings as thou 
 seest expedient for them in this world, and crown them with 
 everlasting glory in the world to come. All this we ask in the 
 name and through the merits of Jesus Christ, thy Son, our 
 Saviour. Amen ! 
 
ORIGIN OP THINGS FAMILIAR. 371 
 
 THE FIRST REPORTERS. 
 
 In Sylvester O'Halloran's History and Antiquities of Ireland, 
 published in Dublin in 1772, is the curious entry subjoined. 
 Bille, a Milesian king of a portion of Spain, had a sod named 
 Gollamh, who " solicited his father's permission to assist their 
 Phoenician ancestors, then greatly distressed by continual wars," 
 and having gained his consent, the passage describing the result 
 proceeds thus :— 
 
 With a well-appointed fleet of thirty ships and a select num- 
 ber of intrepid warriors, he weighed anchor from the harbor of 
 Corunna for Syria. It appears that war was not the sole busi- 
 ness of this equipment ; for in this fleet were embarked twelve 
 youths of uncommon learning and abilities, who were directed 
 to make remarks on whatever they found new, either in as- 
 tronomy, navigation, arts, sciences, or manufactures. They 
 were to communicate their remarks and discoveries to each 
 other, and keep an exact account of whatever was worthy of 
 notice. This took place in the year of the world, 2650. 
 
 These twelve youths were reporters, and if this story be true, 
 the profession constituting " the fourth estate" may boast of an 
 ancient lineage. 
 
 THE FIRST EPIGRAM. 
 
 Among " first things," the following is worth preserving, as it 
 is believed to be the first epigram extant in the English lan- 
 guage. It was written by Sir Thomas Wyat, who in some of 
 his sonnets did not hesitate to intimate his secret passion for 
 Anne Boleyn. 
 
 Of aneio married student that plaid fast or lose. 
 A studient at his bok so plast, 
 That wealth he might have wonne, 
 From bok to wife did flete in hast, 
 From welth to wo to runne. 
 Now who hath plaid a feater cast, 
 Since jugling first begonne? 
 In knitting of himself so fast, 
 Himself he hath undone. 
 
372 ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 NEWS. 
 
 The word news is commonly supposed to be derived from the 
 adjective new. It is asserted, however, that its origin is trace- 
 able to a custom in former times of placing on the newspapers 
 of the day the initial letters of the cardinal points of the com- 
 pass, thus : — 
 
 1ST 
 
 ■w- 
 
 S 
 
 These letters were intended to indicate that the paper contained 
 intelligence from the four quarters of the globe, but they finally 
 came to assume the form of the word news, from which the 
 term newspaper is derived. 
 
 THE EARLIEST NEWSPAPERS. 
 
 The Englishe Mercurie, now in MS. in the British Museum, 
 has been proved to be a forgery. The oldest regular newspaper 
 published in England was established by Nathaniel Butter, in 
 1662. 
 
 The oldest paper in France was commenced by Theophrastus 
 Benaudot, in 1632, during the reign of Louis XIII. It was 
 called the Gazette de France. 
 
 The first Dutch newspaper, which is still continued under 
 the name of the Haarlem Courant, is dated January 8, 1656. 
 It was then called De Weechelyche Courante van Europa, and 
 contained two small folio pages of news. 
 
 The first Bussian newspaper was published in 1703. Peter 
 the Great not only took part personally in its editorial compo- 
 sition, but in correcting proofs, as appears from sheets still in 
 existence in which are marks and alterations in his own 
 hand. There are two complete copies of the first year's edition 
 of this paper in the Imperial Library at St. Petersburg. 
 
 The first newspaper established in North America was the 
 Boston News-Letter, commenced April 24, 1704. It was half 
 
ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 373 
 
 a sheet of paper, twelve inches by eight, two columns on a 
 page. B. Green was the printer. It survived till 1776, — 
 seventy-two years. It advocated the policy of the British 
 Government at the commencement of the Revolution. 
 
 From a copy of this paper printed in 1769 is obtained the 
 following announcement : — 
 
 " The bell-cart will go through Boston, before the end of next 
 month, to collect rags for the paper-mill at Milton, when all 
 people that will encourage the paper-manufactory may dispose 
 of their rags : 
 
 Rags are as beauties, which concealed lie, 
 But when in paper, how it charms the eye ! 
 Pray save your rags, new beauties it discover ; 
 For paper truly, every one's a lover : 
 By the pen and press such knowledge is displayed 
 As wouldn't exist if paper was not made. 
 Wisdom of things mysterious, divine, 
 Illustriously doth on paper shine." 
 
 THE FIRST PRINTING BY STEAM. 
 
 The first printing by steam was executed in the year 1817, 
 by Bensley & Son, London. The first book thus printed was 
 Dr. Elliotson's second edition of Blumenbach's Physiology. 
 
 THE FIRST TELEGRAPHIC MESSAGE. 
 
 Professor Morse, having returned to his native land from 
 Europe, proceeded immediately to Washington, where he re- 
 newed his endeavors to procure the passage of the bill grant- 
 ing the appropriation of thirty thousand dollars. Towards the 
 close of the session of 1844, the House of Representatives took 
 it up and passed it by a large majority, and it only remained 
 for the action of the Senate. Its progress through this house, 
 as might be supposed, was watched with the most intense anxi- 
 ety by Professor Morse. There were only two days before the 
 close of the session, and it was found, on examination of the 
 calendar, that no less than one hundred and forty-three bills 
 had precedence to it. Professor Morse had nearly reached the 
 bottom of his purse ; his hard-earned savings were almost spent; 
 
 32 
 
374 ORIGIN OF THINGS FAMILIAR. 
 
 and, although he had struggled on with undying hope for many 
 years, it is hardly to be wondered at that he felt disheartened 
 now. On the last night of the session he remained till nine 
 o'clock, and then left without the slightest hope that the bill 
 would be passed. He returned to his hotel, counted his money, 
 and found that after paying his expenses to New York he 
 would have seventy-five cents left. That night he went to bed 
 sad, but not without hope for the future ; for, through all his 
 difficulties and trials, that never forsook him. The next morn- 
 ing, as he was going to breakfast, one of the waiters informed 
 him that a young lady was in the parlor waiting to see him. 
 He went in immediately, and found that the young lady was 
 Miss Ellsworth, daughter of the Commissioner of Patents, who 
 had been his most steadfast friend while in Washington. 
 
 "I come/' said she, "to congratulate you." 
 
 " For what V said Professor Morse. 
 
 " On the passage of your bill/' she replied. 
 
 " Oh, no : you must be mistaken," said he. * I remained in 
 the Senate till a late hour last night, and there was no prospect 
 of its being reached." 
 
 "Am I the first, then," she exclaimed, joyfully, "to tell 
 you?" 
 
 "Yes, if it is really so." 
 
 "Well," she continued, "father remained till the adjourn- 
 ment, and heard it passed; and I asked him if I might not run 
 over and tell you." 
 
 "Annie," said the Professor, his emotion almost choking his 
 utterance, " the first message that is sent from Washington to 
 Baltimore shall be sent from you." 
 
 " Well," she replied, " I will keep you to your word." 
 
 While the line was in process of completion, Prof. Morse was in 
 New York, and upon receiving intelligence that it was in work- 
 ing order, he wrote to those in charge, telling them not to 
 transmit any messages over it till his arrival. He then set out 
 immediately for Washington, and on reaching that city sent a 
 rote to Miss Ellsworth, informing her that he was now ready 
 
NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 375 
 
 to fulfill his promise, and asking her what message he should 
 send. 
 
 To this he received the following reply : — 
 What hath God wrought! 
 "Words that ought to be written in characters of living light. 
 The message was twice repeated, and each time with the great- 
 est success. As soon as the result of the experiment was made 
 known, Governor Seymour, of Connecticut, afterwards United 
 States minister at St. Petersburg, called upon Professor Morse 
 and claimed the first message for his State, on the ground that 
 Miss Ellsworth was a native of Hartford. "We need' scarcely 
 add that his claim was admitted ; and now, engraved in letters 
 of gold, it is displayed conspicuously in the archives of the 
 Historical Society of Connecticut. 
 
 Notljtng Neto ©ntret tije S>un. 
 
 FORESHADOWINGS OP THE MAGNETIC TELEGRAPH. 
 
 utinam haec ratio scribendi prodeat usu, 
 Cautior et citior properaret epistola, nullas 
 Latronum verita insidias fluviosve morantes : 
 Ipse suis Princeps manibus sibi conficeret rem 1 
 No8 soboles scribarum, emersi ex sequore nigro, 
 Comeeraremm calamum Magnetis ad aras ! 
 
 The Prolusiones Academicx of Famianus Strada, first 
 printed in 1617, consist of a series of essays upon Oratory, 
 Philosophy, and Poetry, with some admirable imitations of 
 sundry Roman authors, in the style of Father Prout's 
 Reliques. In the imitation of Lucretius, ii. 6, is a descrip- 
 tion of the loadstone and its power of communicating intelli- 
 gence, remarkable as foreshadowing the modern method of 
 telegraphic communication. The following is a literal transla« 
 tion of the curious passage : — 
 
376 NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 
 
 The Loadstone is a wonderful sort of mineral. Any articles 
 made of iron, like needles, if touched by it, derive by contact 
 not only peculiar power, but a certain property of motion by 
 which they turn ever towards the Constellation of the Bear, 
 near the North Pole. By some peculiar correspondency of im- 
 pulse, any number of needles, which may have touched the 
 loadstone, preserve at all times a precisely corresponding posi- 
 tion and motion. Thus it happens that if one needle be moved 
 at Rome, any other, however far apart, is bound by some secret 
 natural condition to follow the same motion. 
 
 If you desire, therefore, to communicate intelligence to a 
 distant friend, who cannot be reached by letter, take a plain, 
 round, flat disc, and upon its outer rim mark down the letters 
 of the alphabet, A, B, C, &c, and, traversing upon the middle 
 of your disc, have a needle (which has touched loadstone) so 
 arranged that it may be made to touch upon any particular let- 
 ter ad libitum. Make a similar disc, the exact duplicate of 
 this first one, with corresponding letters on its margin, and 
 with a revolving magnetized needle. Let the friend you pro- 
 pose corresponding with take, at his departure, one disc along 
 with him, and let him agree with you beforehand on what 
 particular days and at what particular hours he will take obser- 
 vation of the needle, to see if it be vibrating and to learn what 
 it marks on the index. With this arrangement understood be- 
 tween you both, if you wish to hold a private conversation 
 with this friend, whom the shores of some distant land have 
 separated from you, turn your finger to the disc and touch the 
 easy-moving needle. Before you lie, marked upon the outer 
 edge, all the various letters : direct the needle to .such letters 
 as are necessary to form the words you want, touching a little 
 letter here and there with the needle's point, as it goes travers- 
 ing round and round the board, until you throw together, one 
 by one, your various ideas. Lo ! the wonderful fidelity of cor- 
 respondence ! Your distant friend notes the revolving needle 
 vibrate without apparent impulse and fly hither and thither 
 round the rim. He notes its movements, and reading, as he 
 
NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 377 
 
 follows its motion, the various letters which make up the words, 
 he perceives all that is necessary, and learns your meaning from 
 the interpreting needle. When he sees the needle pause, he, 
 in turn, in like manner touches the various letters, and 
 sends back his answer to his friend. Oh that this style of 
 writing were brought into use, that a friendly message might 
 travel quicker and safer, defying snares of robbers or delaying 
 rivers ! Would that the prince himself would finish the great 
 work with his own hands ! Then we race of scribblers, emer- 
 ging from our sea of ink, would lay the quill an offering on the 
 altars of the loadstone. 
 
 This idea of Strada is based upon the erroneous impression 
 entertained generally at the time when he wrote, that magnetic 
 power, when imparted by the loadstone to metallic articles like 
 needles, communicated to them a kind of homogeneous impulse, 
 which of necessity caused between them a sympathetic corre- 
 spondence of motion. 
 
 The curious reader will be further interested to learn from 
 the following passage, extracted from the " Tour" of Arthur 
 Young, the distinguished agriculturist, who travelled through 
 Ireland in 1775-78, that the theory of electrical correspondence 
 by means of a wire was practically illustrated before Mr. Morse 
 was born : — 
 
 In electricity, Mons. Losmond has made a remarkable dis- 
 covery. You write two or three words on a paper; he takes it 
 with him into a room, and turns a machine enclosed in a cylin- 
 drical case, at the top of which is an electrometer, in the shape 
 of a small fine pith ball. A wire connects with a similar cylinder 
 and electrometer in a distant apartment, and his wife, by remark- 
 ing the corresponding motions of the ball, writes down the words 
 they indicate, from which it appears that he has formed an 
 alphabet of motions. As the length of wire makes ?w difference 
 in the effect, a correspondence might be carried on at any dis- 
 tance, within and without a besieged town, for instance, or 
 for a purpose much more worthy and a thousand times more 
 
 32* 
 
378 NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 
 
 harmless, between two lovers, prohibited or prevented from any 
 better epistolary intercourse. 
 
 A second edition of Mr. Young's Tour was published in 
 quarto in 1794, and the above extract may be found on page 
 79, volume i. 
 
 THE FIRST DISCOVERIES OP STEAM-POWER. 
 
 The following extracts from an address by Edward Everett, 
 at an agricultural fair, embody facts the more interesting from 
 their limited notoriety : — 
 
 I never contemplate the history of navigation of the ocean 
 by steam, but it seems to illustrate to me in the most striking 
 manner the slow steps by which a great movement advances 
 for generations, for ages, from the first germ, — then, when 
 the hour is come, the rapidity with which it rushes to a final 
 consummation. Providence offered this great problem of navi- 
 gating the ocean by steam to every civilized nation almost on 
 the globe. As long ago as the year 1543, there was a captain 
 in Spain, who constructed a vessel of two hundred tons, and 
 propelled it, at Barcelona, in the presence of the Emperor 
 Charles V. and his court, by an engine, the construction of 
 which he kept a secret. But old documents tell us it was a 
 monster caldron boiler of water, and that there were two mo- 
 vable wheels on the outside of the vessel. The Emperor was 
 satisfied with its operation, but the treasurer of the kingdom in- 
 terposed objections to its introduction. The engine itself seems 
 to have sprung to a point of perfection hardly surpassed at 
 the present day, but no encouragement was given to the enter- 
 prise. Spain was not ripe for it ; the age was not ripe for it 
 and the poor inventor, whose name was Blasco de Guerere 
 wearied and disgusted at the want of patronage, took the en 
 gine out of the vessel and allowed the ship to rot in the arsenal 
 and the secret of his machine was buried in his grave. 
 
 This was in 1543. A century passed away, and Providence 
 offered the same problem to be solved by France. In reference 
 to this, we have an extraordinary account, and from a source 
 
NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 379 
 
 equally extraordinary, — from the writings of a celebrated female, 
 in the middle of that century, equally renowned for her beauty, 
 for her immoralities, and for her longevity, — for she lived to be 
 one hundred and thirty-four years of age, — the famous Marian de 
 I'Orme. There is a letter from this lady, written to one of her 
 admirers in 1641, containing an account of a visit she made to a 
 mad-house in Paris in company with the Marquis of Worcester. 
 She goes on to relate, that in company with the marquis, while 
 crossing the courtyard of that dismal establishment, almost petri- 
 fied with terror, and clinging to her companion, she saw a 
 frightful face through the bars of the building, and heard this 
 voice : — u I am not mad — I am not mad : I have made a disco- 
 very which will enrich the kingdom that shall adopt it." She 
 asked the guide what it meant : he shrugged his shoulders and 
 said, laughingly, "Not much; something about the powers of 
 steam." Upon this, the lady laughed also, to think that a man 
 should go mad on such a frivolous subject. The guide went 
 on to say that the man's name was Solomon de Coste ; that 
 he came from Normandy four years before, and exhibited to 
 the king an invention by which, by the power of steam, 
 you could move a carriage, navigate the ocean : " in short, 
 if you believed him," said the guide, "there was nothing 
 you could not do by the power of steam." Cardinal Richelieu, 
 who at that time was France itself, and who wielded the whole 
 power of government, — and, in truth, an enlightened man, as 
 worldly wisdom goes, — was appealed to by Solomon de Coste. 
 De Coste was a persevering man, and he followed Cardinal 
 Richelieu from place to place, exhibiting his invention, until 
 the cardinal, getting tired of his importunities, sent him to the 
 mad-house. The guide stated further that he had written a 
 book entitled Motive Power , and handed the visitors a copy of 
 it. The Marquis of Worcester, who was an inventor, was much 
 interested in the book, and incorporated a considerable portioD 
 of it in his well-known work called The Century of Invention. 
 
 It will be seen from this anecdote how France proved -in 
 1641, as Spain had proved in 1543, that she was unable to take 
 
380 NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 
 
 up and wield this mortal thunderbolt. And so the problem of 
 navigating the ocean by steam was reserved for the Anglo-Saxon 
 race. Soon after this period, the best mechanical skill of Eng- 
 land was directed towards this invention. Experiments were 
 often made, with no success, and sometimes with only partial 
 success, until the middle of the last century, when the seeds 
 implanted in the minds of ingenious men for two hundred 
 years germinated, and the steam-engine — that scarcely inani- 
 mate Titan, that living, burning mechanism — was brought 
 nearly to a state of perfection by James Watt, who took out a 
 patent in 1769, — the great year in which Wellington and Na- 
 poleon were born ; and ages after the names of Austerlitz and 
 Waterloo shall perish from the memory of man, the myriad 
 hosts of intelligent labor, marshalled by the fiery champions 
 that James Watt has placed in the field, shall gain their blood- 
 less triumph, not for the destruction but for the service of man- 
 kind. All hail, then, to the mute, indefatigable giant, in the 
 depths of the darksome mines, along the pathway of travel and 
 trade, and on the mountain wave, that is destined to drag, urge, 
 heave, haul, for the service of man ! No fatigue shall palsy its 
 herculean arm, no trampled hosts shall writhe beneath its iron 
 feet, no widow's heart shall bleed at its beneficent victories. 
 England invented the steam-engine ; but it seems as if by the 
 will of Providence she could not go farther. Queen of the 
 seas, as she deemed herself, she could not apply the invention 
 she had brought almost to perfection, and that part of the great 
 problem, the navigation of the ocean by steam, was reserved for 
 the other branch of the Anglo-Saxon race, — the branch situated 
 in a region in this Western hemisphere whose territory is tra- 
 versed by some of the noblest rivers that belt the surface of the 
 globe, and separated by the world-wide ocean from the Eastern 
 hemisphere. It is amazing to consider how, with the dawn of 
 the Revolution, the thoughts of men turned to the application 
 of steam-navigation. Rumsey, Fitch, and Evans made experi- 
 ments, and those experiments attracted the notice of one whom 
 nothing escaped pertaining to the welfare of his country : I 
 
NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 381 
 
 mean Washington. And we have a certificate from him, ex- 
 pressing the satisfaction with which he had witnessed the ex- 
 periment of Rumsey. The attempt proved rather unsuccessful. 
 I think it a providential appointment that the ocean was not 
 navigated by steam in the Revolutionary age. The enormous 
 preponderance of British capital and skill, if the ocean had 
 been navigated by steam, would have put in her possession faci- 
 lities for blockading our ports and transporting armies to our 
 coasts, which might have had a disastrous effect on the result 
 of the whole contest. But the Revolution passed and inde- 
 pendence was established : the hour had come, and the man 
 was there. 
 
 In the year 1799 this system of steam-navigation became 
 matured in the mind of Fulton, who found a liberal and active 
 coadjutor in Chancellor Livingston, who, in the same year, 
 applied to the Legislature of New York for an act of incorpora- 
 tion. I am sorry to say that America at that moment could not 
 boast of much keener perception of the nature of this discovery 
 than France or Spain had done before. Chancellor Livingston 
 at last had a petition drawn up of the act he desired passed. It 
 was drafted by the young men of the Legislature, who, when 
 tired of the graver matters of law, used to call up the " steam 
 bill" that they might have a little fun. Young America, on that 
 occasion, did not show himself much wiser than his senior. 
 Nothing daunted at the coldness he received, nothing discour- 
 aged by the partial success of the first experiment, Chan* 
 cellor Livingston persevered. Twenty years elapsed before 
 steamers were found upon our lakes and rivers, and at that time 
 such a system of steam-navigation was wholly unknown, except 
 by hearsay, in Europe. This application of steam soon became 
 a pressing necessity in this country, but twenty years more 
 passed away before it was adopted in England. I could not 
 but think, when the news of the Atlantic Telegraph came, 
 what must have been the emotions of Fulton and Franklin 
 could they have stood upon the quarter-deck of the Niagara 
 and witnessed the successful termination of that electric com- 
 munication which is the result of their united discoveries I 
 
382 NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 
 
 SERIAL NAVIGATION. 
 
 When air-balloons were first discovered, some one flippantly 
 asked Dr. Franklin what was the nse of it. The philosopher 
 answered the question by asking another : — " What is the use 
 of a new-born infant ? It may become a man." 
 
 The first balloon-ascension was made by Pilatre de Rozier 
 and the Marquis d'Arlandes, November 21, 1783, in a mont- 
 golfiere. 
 
 A century and a half before this, John Gregorie wrote, 
 " The air itself is not so unlike to water, but that it may be 
 demonstrated to be navigable, and that a ship may sail upon 
 the convexity thereof by the same reasons that it is carried 
 upon the ocean." 
 
 In the first number of the Philosophical Collections, 1679, is 
 "a demonstration how it is practically possible to make a ship, 
 which shall be sustained by the air, and may be moved either 
 by sails or oars," from a work entitled Prodroma, published in 
 Italian by P. Francesco Lana. The scheme was that of making 
 a brazen vessel which should weigh less than the air it con- 
 tained, and consequently float in the air when that which was 
 within it was pumped out. He calculated every thing — except 
 the pressure of the atmosphere, in consequence of which slight 
 oversight he realized no practical result. 
 
 THE CIRCULATION OP THE BLOOD. 
 
 Harvey discovered the circulation of the blood in 1619 ; but 
 we learn from a passage in Longinus (ch. xxii.) that the fact 
 was known two thousand years before. The father of critics, 
 to exemplify and illustrate the use and value of trope in writing, 
 has garbled from the Timseus of Plato a number of sentences 
 descriptive of the anatomy of the human body, where the circu- 
 lation of the blood is pointed at in terms singularly graphic. 
 The exact extent of professional knowledge attained in the 
 time of the great philosopher is by no means clearly defined. 
 He speaks of the fact, however, not with a view to prove what 
 was contested or chimerical, but avails himself of it to figure 
 
NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 383 
 
 the surpassing wisdom of the gods in constructing the hu- 
 man frame. 
 
 ANAESTHESIA. 
 
 The use of the vapor of sulphuric ether for the purpose of 
 inducing insensibility to surgical operations was first practically 
 adopted by Dr. Morton, of Boston, in 1846 ; that of chloro- 
 form, by Dr. Simpson, of Edinburgh, in 1847. To this period 
 we must assign the most important epoch in the annals of sur- 
 gery, and the date of one of the grandest discoveries of 
 science and one of the greatest blessings ever conferred upon 
 humanity. 
 
 The idea, however, of saving the human body, by artificial 
 means, from the pains and tortures inflicted by the knife 
 of the surgeon, has been by no means either first broached or 
 first acted upon in recent times. Intense pain is regarded by 
 mankind generally as so serious an evil that it would have been 
 strange indeed if efforts had not been early made to diminish this 
 species of suffering. The use of the juice of the poppy, hen- 
 bane, mandragora, and other narcotic preparations, to effect 
 this object by their deadening influence, may be traced back 
 till it disappears in the darkness of a remote antiquity. 
 
 Intoxicating vapors were also employed, by way of inhalation, 
 to produce the same effects as drugs of this nature introduced 
 into the stomach. This appears from the account given by 
 Herodotus of the practice of the Scythians, several centuries 
 before Christ, of using the vapor of hemp-seed as a means of 
 drunkenness. The known means of stupefaction were very 
 early resorted to in order to counteract pain produced by arti- 
 ficial causes. In executions under the horrible form of cruci 
 fixion, soporific mixtures were administered to alleviate the 
 pangs of the victim. The draught of vinegar and gall, or 
 myrrh, offered to the Saviour in his agony, was the ordinary 
 tribute of human sympathy extorted from the bystander by 
 the spectacle of intolerable anguish. 
 
 That some lethean anodyne might be found to assuage the 
 torment of surgical operations as they were anciently performed, 
 
384 NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 
 
 [cauterizing the cut surfaces, instead of tying the arteries,] was 
 not only a favorite notion, but it had been in some degree, how- 
 ever imperfect, reduced to practice. Pliny the Naturalist, who 
 perished in the eruption of Vesuvius which entombed the city 
 of Herculaneum in the year 79, bears distinct and decided 
 testimony to this fact. 
 
 In his description of the plant known as the mandragora or 
 circeius, he says, " It has a soporific power on the faculties of 
 those who drink it. The ordinary potion is half a cup. It is 
 drunk against serpents, and before cuttings and puncturings, 
 lest they should be felt." (Bibitur et contra serpentes, et ante 
 sectiones, punctionesque, ne sentiantur.') 
 
 When he comes to speak of the plant eruca, called by us the 
 rocket, he. informs us that its seeds, when drunk, infused in 
 wine, by criminals about to undergo the lash, produce a certain 
 callousness or induration of feeling (duaitiam, quandam con- 
 tra sensum induere). 
 
 Pliny also asserts that the stone Memphitis, powdered and 
 applied in a liniment with vinegar, will stupefy parts to be cut 
 or cauterized, " for it so paralyzes the part that it feels no 
 pain" {nee sentit cruciatum). 
 
 Dioscorides, a Greek physician of Cilicia, in Asia, who was 
 born about the time of Pliny's death, and who wrote an exten- 
 sive work on the materia medica, observes, in his chapter on 
 mandragora, — 
 
 1. " Some boil down the roots in wine to a third part, and 
 preserve the juice thus procured, and give one cyathus of it in 
 sleeplessness and severe pains, of whatever part ; also to cause 
 the insensibility — to produce the anaesthesia [ tzolsiv avaia^atav] 
 — of those who are to be cut or cauterized." 
 
 2. " There is prepared, also, besides the decoction, a wine 
 from the bark of the root, three minae being thrown into a 
 cask of sweet wine, and of this three cyathi . are given to those 
 who are to be cut or cauterized y as aforesaid j for, being thrown 
 into a deep sleep, they do not perceive pain." 
 
 3. Speaking of another variety of mandragora, called morion, 
 
NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 385 
 
 he observes, " Medical men use it also for those who are to be 
 cut or cauterized." 
 
 Dioscorides also describes the stone Memphitis, mentioned by 
 Pliny, and says that when it is powdered and applied to parts 
 to be cut or cauterized, they are rendered, without the slightest 
 danger, wholly insensible to pain. Matthiolus, the commen- 
 tator on Dioscorides, confirms his statement of the virtues of 
 mandragora, which is repeated by Dodoneus. " Wine in which 
 the roots of mandragora have been steeped/' says this latter 
 writer, " brings on sleep, and appeases all pains, so that it is 
 given to those who are to be cut, sawed, or burned in any 
 parts of their body, that they may not perceive pain." 
 
 The expressions used by Apuleius of Madaura, who flour- 
 ished about a century after Pliny, are still more remarkable 
 than those already quoted from the older authors. He says, 
 when treating of mandragora, " If any one is to have a mem- 
 ber mutilated, burned, or sawed, \_mutilandum, comburendum, 
 vel serrandum,'] let him drink half an ounce with wine, and 
 let him sleep till the member is cut away without any pain or 
 sensation [et tantum dormiet, quosgue abscindatur membrum 
 aliquo sine dolor e et sensu]" 
 
 It was not in Europe and in Western Asia alone that these 
 early efforts to discover some lethean were made, and attended 
 with partial success. On the opposite side of the continent, 
 the Chinese — who have anticipated the Europeans in so many 
 important inventions, as in gunpowder, the mariner's compass, 
 printing, lithography, paper money, and the use of coal — seem 
 to have been quite as far in advance of the Occidental world in 
 medical science. They understood, ages before they were in- 
 troduced into Christendom, the use of substances containing 
 iodine for the cure of the goitre, and employed spurred rye 
 (ergot) to shorten dangerously-prolonged labor in difficult ac- 
 couchements. Among the therapeutic methods confirmed by 
 the experience of thousands of years, the records of which they 
 have preserved with religious veneration, the employment of an 
 
 anaesthetic agent to paralyze the nervous sensibility before per- 
 Z 33 
 
386 NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 
 
 forming surgical operations, is distinctly set forth. Among a 
 considerable number of Chinese works on the pharmacopoeia, 
 medicine, and surgery, in the National Library at Paris, is one 
 entitled Kou-kin-i-tong, or general collection of ancient and 
 modern medicine, in fifty volumes quarto. Several hundred 
 biographical notices of the most distinguished physicians in 
 China are prefixed to this work. The following curious pass- 
 ages occur in the sketches of the biography of Hoa-tho, who 
 flourished under the dynasty of Wei, between the years 220 
 and 230 of our era. " When he determined that it was neces- 
 sary to employ acupuncture, he employed it in two or three 
 places; and so with the moxa if that was indicated by the 
 nature of the affection to be treated. But if the disease re- 
 sided in parts upon which the needle, moxa, or liquid medica- 
 ments could not operate, — for ex&rr-'e in the bones, or the mar- 
 row of the bones, in the stomach or the intestines, — he gave the 
 patient a preparation of hemp, (in the Chinese language mayo,) 
 and after a few moments he became as insensible as if he had 
 been drunk or dead. Then, as the case required, he performed 
 operations, incisions, or amputations, and removed the cause of 
 the malady ; then he brought together and secured the tissues, 
 and applied liniments. After a certain number of days, the 
 patient recovered, without having experienced the slightest pain 
 during the operation." 
 
 Almost a thousand years after the date of the unmistakable 
 phrases quoted from Apuleius, according to the testimony of 
 William of Tyre, and other chroniclers of the wars for the 
 rescue of the holy sepulchre, and the fascinating narrative of 
 Marco Polo, a state of anaesthesia was induced for very different 
 purposes. It became an instrument in the hands of bold and 
 crafty impostors to perpetuate and extend the most terrible 
 fanaticism that the world has ever seen. 
 
 The employment of anaesthetic agents in surgical operations 
 was not forgotten or abandoned during the period when they 
 were pressed into the appalling service just described. In the 
 thirteenth century, anaesthesia was produced by inhalation of 
 
NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 387 
 
 an anodyne vapor, in a mode oddly forestalling the practices 
 of the present day, which is described as follows in the surgical 
 treatise of Theodoric, who died in 1298. It is the receipt for 
 the " spongia somnifera," as it is called in the rubric : — 
 
 " The preparation of a scent for performing surgical opera- 
 tions, according to Master Hugo. It is made thus : — Take of 
 opium and the juice of unripe mulberry, of hyoscyamus, of the 
 juice of the hemlock, of the juice of the leaves of the mandra- 
 gora, of the juice of the woody ivy, of the juice of the forest 
 mulberry, of the seeds of lettuce, of the seed of the burdock, 
 which has large and round apples, and of the water-hemlock, 
 each one ounce ; mix the whole of these together in a brazen 
 vessel, and then place a new sponge in it, and let the whole 
 boil, and as long as the sun on the dog-days, till it (the sponge) 
 consumes it all, and let it be boiled away in it. As often as 
 there is need of it, place this same sponge in warm water for one 
 hour, and let it be applied to the nostrils till he who is to be 
 operated on (qui incidentus est) has fallen asleep ; and in this 
 state let the operation be performed (et sic fiat chirurgia). 
 When this is finished, in order to rouse him, place another, 
 dipped in vinegar, frequently to his nose, or let the juice of the 
 roots of fenigreek be squirted into his nostrils. Presently he 
 awakens." 
 
 Subsequent to Theodoric's time, we find many interesting 
 and suggestive observations in the writings of Baptista Porta, 
 Chamappe, Meissner, Dauriol, Haller, and Blandin. About 
 half a century ago, Sir Humphry Davy thus hinted at the 
 possibility that a pain-subduing gas might be inhaled : — " As 
 nitrous oxide, in its extensive operation, appears capable of 
 destroying physical pain, it may probably be used with advan- 
 tage during surgical operations in which no great effusion of 
 blood takes place." Baron Larrey, Napoleon's surgeon, after 
 the battle of Eylau, found a remarkable insensibility in the 
 wounded who suffered amputations, owing to the intense cold. 
 This fact afterwards led to the application of ice as a local an- 
 aesthetic. 
 
388 NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 
 
 The former general belief that a degree of anaesthetic and 
 prolonged sleep could be induced artificially by certain medi- 
 cated potions and preparations is also shown by the frequency 
 with which the idea is alluded to by the older poets and story- 
 tellers, and made part of the machinery in the popular romance 
 and drama. In the history of Taliesin, (one of the antique 
 Welsh tales contained in the Mabinogion,) Rhun is described as 
 having put the maid of the wife of Elphin into a deep sleep 
 with a powder put into her drink, and as having cut off one of 
 her fingers when she was in this case of artificial anaesthesia. 
 Shakspeare, besides alluding more than once to the soporific pro- 
 perty of mandragora, describes with graphic power in Romeo 
 and Juliet, and in Cymbeline, the imagined effects of subtle 
 distilled potions supposed capable of inducing, without danger, 
 a prolonged state of death-like sleep or lethargy. And Thomas 
 Middleton, in his tragedy of Women beware Women, published 
 in 1657, pointedly and directly alludes in the following lines, to 
 the practice of anaesthesia in ancient surgery : — 
 
 Hippolito. Yes, my lord, 
 I make no doubt, as I shall take the course, 
 Which she shall never know till it be acted ; 
 And when she wakes to honor, then she'll thank me for't. 
 I'll imitate the pities of old surgeons 
 To this lost limb; who, ere they show their aft, 
 Cast one asleep, then cut the diseased part; 
 So out of love to her I pity most, 
 She shall not feel him going till he's lost; 
 Then she'll commend the cure. — Act iv. Sc. 1. 
 
 The following curious lines from Du Bartas, translated by 
 Joshua Sylvester (?) are also well worth transcribing in this 
 connection. 
 
 Du Bartas died about the year 1590 : — 
 
 Even as a Surgeon minding off-to-cut 
 Som cureless limb ; before in use he put 
 His violent Engins on the vicious member, 
 Bringeth his Patient in a senseless slumber: 
 And griefless then (guided by Use and Art) 
 To save the whole saws off th' infested part. 
 
NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 389 
 
 So God empal'd our Grandsire's (Adam) lively look, 
 Through all his bones a deadly chilness strook, 
 Siel'd-up his sparkling eyes with Iron bands, 
 Led down his feet (almost) to Lethe's sands; 
 In briefe, so numm'd his Soule's and Bodie's sense, 
 That (without pain) opening his side, from thence 
 He took a rib, which rarely He refin'd, 
 And thereof made the Mother of Mankind. 
 
 The history of anaesthetics is a remarkable illustration of the 
 acknowledged fact that science has sometimes, for a long season, 
 altogether lost sight of great practical thoughts, from being 
 unprovided with proper means and instruments for carrying out 
 those thoughts into practical execution ; and hence it ever and 
 anon occurs that a supposed modern discovery is only the re- 
 discovery of a principle already sufficiently known to other 
 ages, or to remote nations. 
 
 THE BOOMERANG. 
 
 The following paragraph in Pliny's Natural History, xxiv. 72, 
 apparently refers to the Boomerang, with which, according to 
 recent discoveries, the early people of the East were acquainted. 
 See Bonomi's Nineveh, p. 136. Pliny, speaking of the account 
 given by Pythagoras of the Aqui/olia, either the holm-oak or 
 the holly, says : — 
 
 Baculum ex ea factum, in quodvis animal emissum, etiamsi citra 
 ceciderit defectu mittentis, ipsum per sese cubitu proprius adlabij tarn 
 prsecipuam naturam inesse arbori. 
 
 (If a staff made of this wood, when thrown at any animal, from want 
 of strength in the party throwing it, happens to fall short of the mark, it 
 will fall back again towards the thrower of its own accord — so remarkable 
 are the properties of this tree.) 
 
 The readings of the passage vary, cubitu being given in some 
 MSS. for recubitu. Pythagoras probably heard of the baculum 
 during his travels eastward, and being unable to understand how 
 its formation could endow it with the singular property referred 
 to, was induced to believe that this peculiarity was owing to 
 the nature of the tree. 
 
 33* 
 
390 NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 
 
 THE ATTRACTION OP GRAVITATION. 
 
 Both Dante and Shakspeare preceded Newton in knowledge 
 of the principle, if not the law, of gravitation. In their an- 
 ticipation of its discovery, the poets may not have deemed it 
 other than a philosophic or poetic speculation. But the follow- 
 ing passages attest earlier observations of a physical law than 
 those of Pascal or Newton. 
 
 Shakspeare says in Troilus and Cressida: — 
 
 But the strong base and building of my love 
 Is as the very centre of the earth 
 Drawing all things to it. — iv. 2. 
 and 
 
 True as earth to its centre. — iii. 2. 
 
 Three centuries before Shakspeare, Dante said in the Infer- 
 no: — 
 
 Thou dost imagine we are still 
 
 On the other side the central point, where I 
 
 Clasped the earth-piercing worm, fell cause of ill. 
 
 So far as I continued to descend, 
 
 That side we kept ; but when I turned, then we 
 
 Had passed the point to which all bodies tend. 
 
 Canto xxxiv. 106-111. 
 EARLY INVENTION OP RIFLING. 
 
 In Sir Hugh Plat's Jewel- House of Art and Nature, 1653, 
 (1st edition 1594) the 17th article runs thus: — 
 
 How to make a Pistol, whose Barrel is 2 Foot in Length, to 
 deliver a Bullet point blank at Eightscore. 
 
 A pistol of the aforesaid length,, and being of the petronel 
 bore, or a bore higher, having eight gutters somewhat deep in 
 the inside of the barrel, and the bullet a thought bigger than 
 the bore, and so rammed in at the first three or four inches at 
 the least, and after driven down with the scouring stick, will 
 deliver his bullet at such distance. This I had of an English 
 gentleman of good note for an approved experiment. 
 
NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 391 
 
 TABLE-MOVING AND ALPHABET-RAPPING IN THE FOURTH 
 CENTURY. 
 
 The following remarkable narration is the confession of a 
 conspirator named Hilarius, who was accused of resorting to 
 unlawful arts for the purpose of discovering who should be the 
 successor to the Roman Emperor Valens, who died a.d. 378. 
 We are told by Ammianus Marcellinus, a contemporary histo- 
 rian, that, while under torture, he thus addressed his judges : — 
 
 With direful rites, august judges, we prepared this un- 
 fortunate little table, which you see, of laurel branches, in imi- 
 tation of the Delphic cortina, (or tripod,) and when it had been 
 duly consecrated by imprecation of secret charms and many 
 long and choric ceremonies, we at length moved it. The 
 method of moving it, when it was consulted on secret matters, 
 was as follows : It was placed in the midst of a house purified 
 with Arabian odors ; upon it was placed a round dish, made of 
 various metallic substances, which had the twenty-four letters 
 of the alphabet curiously engraved round the rim, at accurately- 
 measured distances from each other. One clothed with linen 
 garments, carrying branches of a sacred tree, and having, by 
 charms framed for the purpose, propitiated the deity who is the 
 giver of prescience, places other lesser cortinse on this larger 
 one, with ceremonial skill. He holds over them a ring which 
 has been subjected to some mysterious preparation, and which 
 is suspended by a very ftne Carpathian thread. This ring, 
 passing over the intervals, and falling on one letter after the 
 other, spells out heroic verses pertinent to the questions asked. 
 We then thus inquired who should succeed to the government 
 of the empire. The leaping ring had indicated two syllables, 
 (The-od;) and on the addition of the last letter one of the per- 
 sons present cried out, " Theodorus." 
 
 Theodorus, and many others, were executed for their share 
 in this dark transaction, (see Gibbon;) but Theodosius the 
 Great finally succeeded to the empire, and was, of course, sup- 
 posed to be the person indicated by the magic rites. The 
 above literal translation is given by the learned Dr. Maitland 
 
392 NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 
 
 in a little book, lately published, Essay on False Worship, 
 London, 1856. The original was hardly intelligible, till light 
 had been thrown on it by recent practices, of which we have all 
 heard so much. The coincidence is, to say the least, extraordi- 
 nary, and opens views which are briefly considered in the 
 above-mentioned work. 
 
 AUSCULTATION AND PERCUSSION. 
 
 Laennec invented the stethoscope and perfected his dis- 
 coveries in the physical diagnosis of the diseases of the heart 
 and lungs, in 1816. 
 
 Avenbrugger published his work on Percussion in 1761. 
 
 One hundred and fifty years before Laennec's suddenly con- 
 ceived act of applying a roll of paper to the breast of a female 
 patient gave birth to thoracic acoustics, that ingenious and 
 philosophic man, Robert Hooke, said in his writings : — 
 
 " There may be a possibility of discovering the internal 
 motions and actions of bodies by the sound they make. Who 
 knows, but that as in a watch we may hear the beating of the 
 balance, and the running of the wheels, and the striking of 
 the hammers, and the grating of the teeth, and a multitude of 
 other noises, — who knows, I say, but that it may be possible to 
 discover the motions of internal parts of bodies, whether ani- 
 mal, vegetable, or mineral, by the sounds they make ? — that one 
 may discover the works performed in the several offices and 
 shops of a man's body, and thereby discover what engine is out 
 of order, what works are going on at several times and lie still 
 at others, and the like? I have this encouragement not to 
 think all these things impossible, though never so much de- 
 rided by the generality of men, and never so seemingly mad, 
 foolish, and fantastic, that as the thinking them impossible 
 cannot much improve my knowledge, so the believing them 
 possible may perhaps be an occasion for taking notice of such 
 things as another would pass by without regard as useless, and 
 somewhat more of encouragement I have from experience that 
 I have been able to hear very plainly the beating of a man's 
 
NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 393 
 
 heart; and it is common to hear the motion of the wind to and 
 fro in the intestines ; the stopping of the lungs is easily dis- 
 covered by the wheezing. As to the motion of the parts one 
 among the other, to their becoming sensible they require 
 either that their motions be increased or that the organ (the 
 ear) be made more nice and powerful, to sensate and distin- 
 guish them as they are ; for the doing of both which I think 
 it is not impossible but that in many cases there may be helps 
 found." 
 
 THE STEREOSCOPE. 
 
 Sir David Brewster, inquiring into the history of the ste- 
 reoscope, finds that its fundamental principle was well known 
 even to Euclid ; that it was distinctly described by Galen fifteen 
 hundred years ago ; and that Giambattista Porta had, in 1599, 
 given such a complete drawing of the two separate pictures as 
 seen by each eye, and of the combined picture placed between 
 them, that we recognize in it not only the principle, but the 
 construction, of the stereoscope. 
 
 PREDICTIONS OP THE DISCOVERY OP AMERICA. 
 
 Seneca, in his Medea, Act ii, thus shadowed forth this event 
 fifteen centuries before its occurrence : — 
 
 Venient annis Ssecula seris, 
 Quibus Oceanus vincula rerum 
 Laxet, et ingens pateat Tellus, 
 Tiphysque novos detegat orbes ; 
 Nee sit terris Ultima Thule. 
 
 (After the lapse of years, ages will come in which Ocean shall relax hia 
 chains around the world, and a vast continent shall appear, and Tiphys — 
 the pilot — shall explore new regions, and Thule shall be no longer the 
 utmost verge of the earth.) 
 
 "A prediction," says the commentator, "of the Spanish 
 discovery of America." 
 
 Before Seneca's lines were written, Plato had narrated the 
 Egyptian legend that, engulfed in the ocean, but sometimes 
 visible, was the island of Atalantis, supposed to mean the 
 Western world. 
 
394 NOTHING NEW UNDER THE SUN. 
 
 Pulci, the friend of Lorenzo de Medici, in his Morgante 
 Maggiore, written before the voyage of Columbus and before 
 the physical discoveries of Galileo and Copernicus, introduces 
 this remarkable prophecy ; (alluding to the vulgar belief that 
 the Columns of Hercules were the limits of the earth.) 
 
 Know that this theory is false : his bark 
 
 The daring mariner shall urge far o'er 
 
 The western wave, a smooth and level plain, 
 
 Albeit the earth is fashioned like a wheel. 
 
 Man was in ancient days of grosser mould, 
 
 And Hercules might blush to learn how far 
 
 Beyond the limits he had vainly set, 
 
 The dullest sea-boat soon shall wing her way. 
 
 Men shall descry another hemisphere ; 
 
 Since to one common centre all things tend, 
 
 So earth, by curious mystery divine, 
 
 Well balanced hangs amid the starry spheres. 
 
 At our antipodes are cities, states, 
 
 And thronged empires, ne'er divined of yore. 
 
 But see, the sun speeds on his western path 
 
 To glad the nations with expected light. 
 
 Dante, two centuries before, put this language into the 
 
 mouth of Ulysses : — 
 
 The broad Atlantic first my keel impressed, 
 I saw the sinking barriers of the west, 
 And boldly thus addressed my hardy crew! — 
 While yet your blood is warm, my gallant train, 
 Explore with me the perils of the main 
 And find new worlds unknown to mortal view. » 
 
 Inferno, Canto 26. 
 
 He then proceeds to mention the discovery of a mountainous 
 island, after five months' sailing. 
 
 The probability of a short western passage to India is men- 
 tioned by Aristotle, De Ccelo, ii., a view confirmed in stronger 
 terms afterwards by Edrisi, the Arabian geographer, Strabo, 
 Francis Bacon, Cardinal de Alliaco (Imago Mundi), and Tos- 
 canelli. 
 
TRIUMPHS OP INGENUITY. 395 
 
 £uump!)8 jrf Jhtgemutg. 
 
 Though there were many giants of old in physic and philosophy, yet I say, 
 with Didacus Stella, " A dwarf standing on the shoulders of a giant may see 
 farther than a giant himself." — Burton, Anat. of Melancholy. 
 
 THE DISCOVERY OP THE PLANET NEPTUNE. 
 
 In his solitary study sat a young man, pale and thoughtful. 
 His eyes were fixed upon myriads of numerals, through whose 
 complexity his far-reaching mind saw into the untold mysteries 
 of the solar universe. His glass was not pointed to the hea- 
 vens, his eyes looked not out upon the stars, but his soul, in 
 deep abstraction, pondered over the perturbations of Uranus, as 
 noted for many a year before by many a casual observer. He 
 measured the intensity and the direction of the disturbing 
 forces, questioned the planet .that was seen and known con- 
 cerning the unknown cause of its irregularities, and compelled 
 a star, itself beyond the reach of the common eye, to tell of the 
 whereabouts, the volume, the orbit, of its fellow, which no eye, 
 even through an optic-glass, had ever yet seen, and whose very 
 existence then came for the first time upon the mental vision 
 of the youthful sage through the power of numerical calcula- 
 tion. His was a faith. It was the evidence of things not seen. 
 But it was like that higher and better faith of which spake the 
 great Apostle of the Gentiles, — fast and sure. Full of his dis- 
 covery, Le Verrier offered his conclusions to the Academy ; but 
 learned men, when assembled in bodies, give to enthusiasts but 
 a cold reception. Le Verrier, sure of his position, then wrote to 
 Dr. Galle, the Astronomer-Royal in Berlin, asking him to point 
 his powerful glass to a certain quarter of the heavens, where must 
 be found at that time the last of the planets. And there it was ; 
 and thence it was traced upon its mighty way, bending, like 
 
TRIUMPHS OF INGENUITY. 
 
 its fellows, to the distant influence of its great centre, the sun. 
 There is something almost affecting in the thought that Le 
 Verrier should have been denied the first direct sight of the 
 sublime star towards which his soul had been so long leaning 
 and which had so long been within his mental vision. It was, 
 however, a fortunate loss, since his adversaries would have 
 charged him with having found by chance what he detected 
 by reason, and thus have placed in a common category one of 
 the most magnificent discoveries of modern times, a beautiful 
 illustration of the gigantic power of calculation. 
 
 The distance of Neptune from the sun is 2,810,000,000 
 miles, and the time required for its orbital revolution, 164 
 vears. Its diameter is 41,500 miles. 
 
 THE DISCOVERY OP THE PLANET VULCAN. 
 
 Leverrier, encouraged and made illustrious by his success in 
 exploring those infinite spaces beyond the orbit of Herschel, 
 turned his attention to the innermost circles — the central region 
 of our solar system. By theoretical demonstrations, based on 
 irregularities in the movements of Mercury, he proved the 
 existence of some planet or planets lying still more closely 
 within the light and heat of the sun. While proceeding with 
 his calculations, he received a letter from Lescarbault — a poor 
 physician of Orgeres, a village in the department of Eure 
 and Loire, in France — announcing the discovery of an intra- 
 Mercurial body, making its transit, in appearance like a small 
 black spot, across the disk of the sun. Possessed of a sensitive 
 and modest soul, — as all true lovers of science are, — the doctor 
 at first doubted the reality of his discovery, and hesitated to 
 make it known. It was only after vainly waiting nine months, 
 to verify his observation by another view of the object, that he 
 prepared a letter, narrating what he thought he had seen, and 
 sent it to the great Leverrier. The latter had just published 
 an article on Mercury's perturbations in the Kosmos of 
 Paris. Astonished at this coincident proof of the correctness 
 of his theory, he lost no time in starting for the village of 
 
TRIUMPHS OP INGENUITY. 397 
 
 Oigeres, to obtain a personal interview with the humble dis- 
 coverer of the new orb. The following account of the meeting 
 was reported in the Kosmos by the Abbe" Moigne, who took 
 it from the lips of Leverrier himself: — 
 
 Leverrier left Paris for Orgeres, in company with Vallee, 
 four days after the date of Lescarbault's letter. Orgeres was 
 twelve miles from the nearest railroad-station, and the party 
 had to foot it across the country. On their arrival, Leverrier 
 knocked loudly at the door, which was opened by the doctor 
 himself; but his visitor declined to give his name. The simple, 
 modest, timid Lescarbault, small in stature, stood abashed 
 before the tall Leverrier, who, in blunt intonation, addressed 
 him thus : " It is you, then, sir, who pretend to have discovered 
 the intra-Mercurial planet, and who have committed the grave 
 offence of keeping your discovery secret for nine months ! I 
 come to do justice to your pretensions, to warn you that you 
 have either been dishonest or deceived. Tell me unequivocally 
 what you have seen." The lamb-like doctor, trembling at this 
 rude summons, stammered out the following reply : — 
 
 "On the 26th of March (1859), about four o'clock, I turned 
 my telescope to the sun, when, to my surprise, I saw, at a small 
 distance from its margin, a black spot, well denned, and per- 
 fectly round, advancing upon the disk of the sun. A customer 
 called me away, and, hurrying him off as fast as I could, I 
 came back to my glass, when I found the round spot had con- 
 tinued its transit, and I saw it disappear from the opposite 
 margin of the sun, after a projection upon it of an hour and a 
 half. I did not seize the precise moment of contact. The 
 spot was on the disk when I first saw it. I measured its dis- 
 tance from the margin, and counted the time it took to make 
 the same distance, and so approximated the instant of its 
 entry." " To count time is easy to say," said Leverrier; "but 
 where is your chronometer V* " My chronometer is this 
 watch, that beats only minutes, — the faithful companion of my 
 professional labors." " What ! with that old watch ? How dare 
 you talk of counting seconds? My suspicions are too well 
 
 34 
 
398 TRIUMPHS OF INGENUITY. 
 
 founded." "Pardon me, sir, but I have a pendulum that 
 nearly beats seconds, and I will bring it down to show you." 
 He goes above-stairs and brings down a silken thread, the 
 upper end of which he fastens to a nail, and brings to rest the 
 ivory ball at the lower end. He then starts it from the verti- 
 cal, and its oscillations beat seconds very nearly. " This is 
 not enough, sir : how do you count these seconds while in the 
 act of observing V " My profession is to feel pulses and 
 count their pulsations, and my pendulum puts my seconds into 
 my ears, and I have no difficulty in counting them." 
 
 " But where is your telescope V* The doctor showed Lever- 
 rier his glass, which was one of Cauchoix's best. It was four 
 inches in diameter, and mounted on a rude stand. He took the 
 wondering astronomer-imperial to his roof, where he was build- 
 ing a rude revolving platform and dome. " This is all very well ; 
 but where is your original memorandum?" The doctor ran and 
 got his almanac, or Connaissance des Temps, and in it he finds 
 a square piece of paper, used as a marker, and on it, all covered 
 with grease and laudanum, is the original memorandum ! " But 
 you have falsified the time of emergence. It is four minutes 
 too late by this memorandum." " It is ; but the four minutes 
 are the error of my watch, which I corrected by sidereal time, 
 by the aid of this little telescope." 
 
 " But how did you determine the two angular co-ordinates 
 of the point of contact, of the entry and emergence of the 
 planet, and how did you measure the chord of the arc between 
 them?" Having' explained the simple method which he 
 pursued in the premises to the satisfaction of the astronomer, 
 the latter next inquired after his rough drafts of calculation 
 for determining the distance of the planet from the sun. " My 
 rough draughts ! Paper is scarce with us. I am a joiner as 
 well as an astronomer. I write on my boards, and when I am 
 done, I plane them off and begin again ; but I think I have 
 preserved them." On visiting the shop, they found the board, 
 with all its lines and numbers still unobliterated ! 
 
 The Parisian savant was now convinced that Lescarbault 
 
TRIUMPHS OF INGENUITY. 399 
 
 had really seen the planet whose existence he had himself 
 foretold. Turning to the amateur astronomer, he revealed his 
 personality, and congratulated his humble brother on the mag- 
 nificent discovery thus confirmed. It was the event in the 
 Orgeres physician's life. Honors poured in upon him. The 
 cross of the Legion of Honor was sent to him from Paris, and 
 his name was at once enrolled in the lists of the leading 
 scientific academies of Europe. 
 
 The new orb, whose revolution is performed in 19 days, 17 
 hours, has been felicitously named Vulcan. If objection be 
 offered to the selection of names for the planets from "Olympus' 
 dread hierarchy," it must at least be acknowledged that there 
 is a peculiar fitness in their distribution. 
 
 INGENIOUS STRATAGEM OP COLUMBUS 
 
 Thou Luther of the darkened deep ! 
 
 Nor less intrepid, too, than he 
 Whose courage broke earth's bigot sleep, 
 
 While thine unbarred the sea ! 
 
 During the fourth voyage of Columbus, while prosecuting 
 his discoveries among the West India Islands and along the 
 coast of the continent, his vessels, from continual subjection to 
 tempestuous weather, and being, to use his own expression, 
 " bored by the worms as full of holes as a honey-comb," were 
 reduced to mere wrecks, unable any longer to keep the sea, and 
 were finally stranded on the shore of Jamaica. Being beyond 
 the possibility of repair, they were fitted up for the temporary 
 use of Columbus, who was in feeble health, and of such of his 
 crew as were disabled by sickness, those who were well being 
 sent abroad for assistance and supplies. Their immediate 
 wants were amply provided for, Diego Mendez having made 
 arrangements with the natives for a daily exchange of knives, 
 combs, beads, fish-hooks, &c, for cassava bread, fish, and other 
 provisions. In the course of a short time, however, provisions 
 on the island became scarce, and the supplies began gradually 
 to fall off. The arrangements for the daily delivery of certain 
 quantities were irregularly attended to, and finally ceased en- 
 
400 TRIUMPHS OF INGENUITY. 
 
 tirely. The Indians no longer thronged to the harbor with 
 provisions, and often refused them when applied for. The 
 Spaniards were obliged to forage about the neighborhood for 
 "their daily food, but found more and more difficulty in pro- 
 curing it ; and now, in addition to their other causes of despond- 
 ency, they began to entertain horrible apprehensions of 
 famine. 
 
 The admiral heard the melancholy forebodings of his men, 
 and beheld the growing evil, but was at a loss for a remedy. 
 To resort to force was an alternative full of danger, and of but 
 temporary efficacy. It would require all those who were well 
 enough to bear arms to sally forth, while he and the rest of the 
 infirm would be left defenceless on board the wreck, exposed to 
 the vengeance of the natives. 
 
 In the mean time, the scarcity daily increased. The Indians 
 perceived the wants of the white men, and had learned from 
 them the art of making bargains. They asked ten times the 
 former quantity of European articles for a given amount of 
 provisions, and brought their supplies in scanty quantities, to 
 enhance the eagerness of the Spaniards. At length even this 
 relief ceased, and there was an absolute distress for want of 
 food, the natives withholding all provisions, in hopes either of 
 starving the admiral and his people, or of driving them from 
 the island. 
 
 In this extremity, a fortunate idea suddenly presented itself 
 to Columbus. From his knowledge of astronomy, he ascertained 
 that within three days there would be a total eclipse of the moon, 
 in the early part of the night. He sent, therefore, an Indian of 
 the island of Hispaniola, who served as his interpreter, to sum- 
 mon the principal caciques to a grand conference, appointing for 
 it the day of the eclipse. When all were assembled, he told 
 them, by his interpreter, that he and his followers were worship- 
 pers of a deity who lived in the skies; that this deity favored such 
 as did well, but punished all transgressors ; that, as they must 
 all have noticed, he had protected Diego Mendez and his com- 
 panions in their voyage, they having gone in obedience to the 
 
TRIUMPHS OF INGENUITY. 401 
 
 orders of their commander, but that, on the other hand, he 
 had visited Francisco de Porras and his companions with all 
 kinds of crosses and afflictions, in consequence of their rebel- 
 lion ; that this great deity was incensed against the Indians 
 who had refused or neglected to furnish his faithful worship- 
 pers with provisions, and intended to chastise them with pesti- 
 lence and famine. Lest they should disbelieve this warning, a 
 signal would be given that very night, in the heavens. They 
 would behold the moon change its color, and gradually lose its 
 light, — a token of the fearful punishment which awaited them. 
 Many of the Indians were alarmed at the solemnity of this 
 prediction; others treated it with scoffing: all, however, awaited 
 with solicitude the coming of the night, and none with more 
 than Columbus himself, who was distracted with anxiety lest 
 the weather should prove cloudy or rainy. Imagine his grati- 
 tude when the evening sky appeared undimmed by a cloud ! 
 When the time arrived, and the natives beheld a dark shadow 
 stealing over the moon, they began to tremble. Their fears 
 increased with the progress of the eclipse ; and when they saw 
 mysterious darkness covering the whole face of nature, there 
 were no bounds to their terror. Seizing upon whatever provi- 
 sions they could procure, they hurried to the ships, uttering 
 cries and lamentations. They threw themselves at the feet of 
 Columbus, implored him to intercede with his God to avert 
 the threatened calamities, and assured him that thenceforth 
 they would bring him whatever he required. Columbus told 
 them that he would retire and commune with the deity. Shut- 
 ing himself up in his cabin, he remained there during the in- 
 crease of the eclipse, the forests and shores all the while re- 
 sounding with the howlings and supplications of the savages. 
 When the eclipse was about to diminish, he came forth and 
 informed the natives that he had interceded for them with his 
 God, who, on condition of their fulfilling their promises, had 
 deigned to pardon them ; in sign of which he would withdraw 
 the darkness from the moon. 
 
 When the Indians saw that planet restored presently to its 
 2 A 34* 
 
402 TRIUMPHS OP INGENUITY. 
 
 brightness and rolling in all its beauty through the firmament, 
 they overwhelmed the admiral with thanks for his intercession, 
 and repaired to their homes, joyful at having escaped such 
 great disasters. They now regarded Columbus with awe and 
 reverence, as a man in the peculiar favor and confidence of the 
 Deity, since he knew upon earth what was passing in the hea- 
 vens. They hastened to propitiate him with gifts, supplies 
 again arrived daily at the harbor, and from that time forward 
 there was no want of provisions. 
 
 A LESSON WORTH LEARNING. 
 
 The possibility of a great change being introduced by very 
 slight beginnings may be illustrated by a tale which Lockman 
 tells of a vizier, who, having offended his master, was con- 
 demned to perpetual captivity in a lofty tower. At night his 
 wife came to weep below his window. " Cease your grief/' 
 said the sage : " go home for the present, and return hither 
 when you have procured a live black beetle, together with a 
 little ghee, [or buffalo's butter,] three clews, — one of the finest 
 silk, another of stout pack-thread, and another of whip-cord ; 
 finally, a stout coil of rope." When she again came to the foot 
 of the tower, provided according to her husband's demands, 
 he directed her to touch the head of the insect with a little of 
 the ghee, to tie one end of the silk thread around him, and 
 to place him on the wall of the tower. Attracted by the 
 smell of the butter, which he conceived to be in store some- 
 where above him, the beetle continued to ascend till he reached 
 the top, and thus put the vizier in possession of the end of the 
 silk thread, who drew up the pack-thread by means of the silk, 
 the small cord by means of the pack-thread, and, by means of 
 the cord, a stout rope capable of sustaining his own weight, — 
 and so at last escaped from the place of his duress. 
 
 CHOOSING A KING. 
 
 The Tyrians having been much weakened by long wars with 
 the Persians, their slaves rose in a body, slew their masters and 
 
TRIUMPHS OF INGENUITY. 403 
 
 their children, took possession of their property, and married 
 their wives. The slaves, having thus obtained everything, 
 consulted about the choice of a king, and agreed that he who 
 should first discern the sun rise should be king. One of them, 
 being more merciful than the rest, had in the general massacre 
 spared his master, Straton, and his son, whom he hid in a cave ; 
 and to his old master he now resorted for advice as to this com- 
 petition. 
 
 Straton advised his slave that when others looked to the 
 east he should look toward the west. Accordingly, when the 
 rebel tribe had all assembled in the fields, and every man's 
 eyes were fixed upon the east, Straton's slave, turning his back 
 upon the rest, looked only westward. He was scoffed at by 
 every one for his absurdity, but immediately he espied the sun- 
 beams upon the high towers and chimneys in the city, and, an- 
 nouncing the discovery, claimed the crown as his reward 
 
 KING JOHN AND THE ABBOT. 
 An old and formerly very popular ballad. — Percy Heliquen. 
 An ancient story He tell you anon 
 Of a notable prince, that was called King John ; 
 And he ruled England with maine and with might, 
 For he did great wrong, and mainteined little right. 
 
 And He tell you a story, a story so nierrye, 
 
 Concerning the Abbot of Canterburye ; 4 
 
 How for his house-keeping, and high renowne, 
 
 They rode poste for him to fair London towne. 
 
 An hundred men, the king did heare say, 
 
 The abbot kept in his house every day ; 
 
 And fifty gold chaynes, without any doubt, , 
 
 In velvet coates waited the abbot about. 
 
 How now, father abbot, I heare it of thee, 
 Thou keepest a farre better house than mee, 
 And for thy house-keeping and high renowne, 
 I fear thou work'st treason against my crown. 
 
 My liege, quo' the abbot, I would it were knowne> 
 I never spend nothing but what is my owne ; 
 And I trust your grace will doe me no deere 
 For spending of my owne true-gotten geere. 
 
404 TRIUMPHS OP INGENUITY. 
 
 Yes, yea, father abbot, your fault it is higho, 
 And now for the same thou needest must dye ; 
 For except thou canst answer me questions three, 
 Thy head shall be smitten from thy bodie. 
 
 And first, quo' the king, when I'm in this stead, 
 With my crowne of golde so faire on my head, 
 Among all my liege-men so noble of birthe, 
 Thou must tell me to one penny what I am worthe. 
 
 Secondlye, tell me, without any doubt, 
 How soone I may ride the whole world about j 
 And at the third question thou must not shrink, 
 But tell me here truly what I do think. 
 
 0, these are hard questions for my shallow witt, 
 Nor I cannot answer your grace as yet ; 
 But if you will give me but three weeks space, 
 He do my endeavour to answer your grace. 
 
 Now three weeks space to thee will I give, 
 And that is the longest time thou hast to live ; 
 For if thou dost not answer my questions three, 
 Thy lands and thy livings are forfeit to mee. 
 
 Away rode the abbot, all sad at that word, 
 And he rode to Cambridge and Oxenford ; 
 But never a doctor there was so wise 
 That could with his learning an answer devise. 
 
 Then home rode the abbot, of comfort so cold, 
 And he mett his shepheard agoing to fold : 
 How now, my lord abbot, you are welcome home : 
 What newes do you bring us from good King John ? 
 
 Sad newes, sad newes, shepheard, I must give : 
 That I have but three days more to live ; 
 For if I do not answer him questions three, 
 My head will be smitten from my bodie. 
 
 The first is to tell him there in that stead, 
 With his crowne of golde so fair on his head, 
 Among all his liege-men so noble of birthe, 
 To within one penny of what he is worthe. 
 
 The second, to tell him, without any doubt, 
 How soone he may ride this whole world about ; 
 And at the third question I must not shrinke, 
 But tell him there truly what he does thinke. 
 
TRIUMPHS OF INGENUITY. 405 
 
 Now cheare up, sire abbot: did you never hear yet, 
 That a fool he may learne a wise man witt ? 
 Lend me horse, and serving-men, and your apparel, 
 And He ride to London to answere your quarrel. 
 
 Nay, frowne not, if it hath bin told unto mee, 
 
 I am like your lordship, as ever may bee ; 
 
 And if you will but lend me your gowne, 
 
 There is none shall knowe us in fair London towne. 
 
 Now horses and serving-men thou shalt have, 
 With sumptuous array most gallant and brave ; 
 With crozier, and mitre, and rochet, and cope, 
 Fit to appeare 'fore our fader the Pope. 
 
 Now welcome, sire abbot, the king he did say, 
 'Tis well thou'rt come back to keepe thy day ; 
 For and if thou canst answer my questions three, 
 Thy life and thy living both saved shall bee. 
 
 And first, when thou seest me here in this stead, 
 With my crowne of golde so fair on my head, 
 Among all my liege-men so noble of birthe, 
 Tell me to one penny what I am worthe. 
 
 For thirty pence our Saviour was sold 
 Among the false Jewes, as I have bin told; 
 And twenty-nine is the worth of thee, 
 For I think thou art one penny worser than hee. 
 
 The king he laughed, and swore by St. Bittel, 
 I did not think I had been worth so littel ! 
 Now secondly, tell me, without any doubt, 
 How eoone I may ride this whole world about. 
 
 You must rise with the sun, and ride with the same, 
 Until the next morning he riseth againe ; 
 And then your grace need not make any doubt 
 But in twenty-four hours you'll ride it about 
 
 The king he laughed, and swore by St. Jone, 
 
 I did not think it could be gone so soone ! 
 
 Now, from the third question thou must not shrinke, 
 
 But tell me here truly what I do thinke. 
 
 Yea, that shall I do, and make your grace merry; 
 You thinke I'm the abbot of Canterbury ; 
 But I'm his poor shepheard, as plain you may see, 
 That am come to beg pardon for him and for mew 
 
406 THE FANCIES OP FACT. 
 
 The king he laughed, and swore by the masse, 
 He make thee lord abbot this day in his place ! 
 Naye naye, my liege, be not in such speede, 
 For alacke, I can neither write nor reade. 
 
 Four nobles a week, then, I will give thee, 
 For this merty jest thou hast showne unto mee; 
 ^^ And tell the old abbot, when thou comest home, 
 
 ^^ Thou hast brought him a pardon from good King John. 
 
 ®ty jFanws jrf jf act 
 
 THE WOUNDS OF JULIUS C^ESAft. 
 
 " Look ! in this v place ran Cassius' dagger through : 
 See what a rent the envious Casca made : 
 Through this the well-beloved Brutus stabbed." 
 
 At a meeting of the French Academy of Medicine, a few 
 years ago, a, curious paper was read, on behalf of M. Dubois, of 
 Amiens, entitled "Investigations into the death of Julius 
 Caesar." M. Dubois having looked up the various passages re- 
 ferring to this famous historic incident to be found in Dion 
 Cassius, Plutarch, Suetonius, Appian, &c, and compared them 
 with one another, has fixed the spots where the four first 
 wounds were inflicted, and the names of the conspirators who 
 inflicted them. The first blow, struck by one of the brothers 
 Casca, produced a slight wound underneath the left clavicle; 
 the second, struck by the other Casca, penetrated the walls 
 of the thorax toward the right; Cassius inflicted the third 
 wound in the face. Decimus Brutus gave the fourth stab in 
 the region of the groin. Contrary to the general opinion, 
 Marcus Brutus, though one of the conspirators, did not strike 
 the dictator. After the first blows Caesar fainted, and then all 
 the conspirators hacked his body. He was carried by three 
 slaves in a litter to his house. Anstistius, the physician, was 
 
THE FANCIES OP PACT. 407 
 
 called in and found thirty-five wounds, only one of which was 
 in his opinion fatal, that of the second Casca. ' 
 
 BILLS FOR STRANGE SERVICES. 
 
 The bill of the Cirencester painter, mentioned by Bishop 
 Home, {Essays and Thoughts,} is as follows: — 
 
 Mr. Charles Terrebee 
 
 To Joseph Cook, Dr. 
 To mending the Commandments, altering the Belief, and 
 
 making a new Lord's Prayer £1 — 1 — 
 
 Here is a Carpenter's bill of the Fifteenth Century, copied 
 from the records of an old London Church: — 
 
 e 
 
 Item. To screwynge a home on y s. d. 
 
 Divil, and glueinge a bitt 
 on hys tayle vij 
 
 e 
 
 Item. To repayring y Vyrginne 
 Marye before and behynde, 
 & makynge a new Chylde . . . . ij . viij 
 
 LAW LOGIC. 
 
 Judge Blackstone says, in his Commentaries (Vol. i. ch. 
 xviii.), that every Bishop, Parson or Vicar is a Corporation. 
 Lord Coke asserts, in his Reports (10. Rep. 32,) that "a Cor- 
 poration has no soul." Upon these premises, the logical in- 
 ference would be that neither Bishops, Parsons nor Vicars have 
 souls. 
 
 RECIPROCAL CONVERSION. 
 
 A curious case of mixed process of conversation was that of 
 the two brothers, Dr. John Reynold's, King's Professor at Ox- 
 ford, in 1630, a zealous Roman Catholic, and Dr. Wm. Reynolds, 
 an eminent Protestant. They were both learned men, and as 
 brothers held such affectionate relations, that the deadly here- 
 sies of which each regarded the other as the victim were matters 
 of earnest and pleading remonstrance between them by discus- 
 sion and correspondence. The pains and zeal of each were 
 
408 THE FANCIES OP PACT. 
 
 equally rewarded. The Roman Catholic brother became an 
 ardent Protestant, and the Protestant brother became a Roman 
 Catholic. 
 
 PITHY PRAYER. 
 
 "We are indebted to Hume for the preservation of a short 
 prayer, which he says was that of Lord Astley, before he charged 
 at Edge-hill. It ran thus: "0 Lord, thou knowest how busy I 
 must be this day; if I forget thee, do not thou forget me." And 
 Hume adds, " There were certainly much longer prayers in the 
 Parliamentary army, but I doubt if there was as good a one." 
 
 MELROSE BY SUNLIGHT. 
 
 The beautiful description of the appearance of the ruins of 
 Melrose Abbey by moonlight, in the Lay of the Last Minstrel, 
 has led thousands to visit the scene "when silver edges the 
 imagery," yet it is worth noting that the author never saw the 
 ruined pile by "the pale moonlight." Bernard Barton once 
 wrote to Scott to request him to favor a young lady with a copy 
 of the lines in his own handwriting. Sir Walter complied, 
 but substituted for the concluding lines of the original the 
 following : — 
 
 " Then go — and muse with deepest awe 
 
 On what the writer never saw ; 
 
 Who would not wander 'neath the moon 
 
 To see what he could see at noon." 
 
 BACK ACTION. 
 
 Alphonse Karr, in his Gudpes, speaking of the dexterities 
 of the legal profession, relates a pleasant anecdote of the dis- 
 tinguished lawyer, afterward deputy, M. Chaix d'Est-Ange. He 
 was employed in a case where both the parties were old men. 
 Referring to his client, he said : "He has attained that age, 
 when the mind, freed from the passions, and tyranny of the 
 body, takes a higher flight, and soars in a purer and serener 
 air." Later in his speech, he found occasion to allude to the 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. • 409 
 
 opposite party, of whom he remarked: "I do not deny his 
 natural intelligence; but he has reached an age in which the 
 mind participates in the enfeeblement, the decrepitude, and the 
 degradation of the body." 
 
 THE AUDITORIUMS OF THE LAST CENTURY. 
 
 When we read of Patrick Henry's wonderful displays of 
 eloquence, we naturally figure to ourselves a spacious interior 
 and a great crowd of rapt listeners. But, in truth, those of his 
 orations which quickened or changed the march of events, and 
 the thrill of which has been felt in the nerves of four generations, 
 were all delivered in small rooms and to few hearers, never more 
 than one hundred and fifty. The first thought of the visitor to 
 St. John's Church in Richmond, is : Could it have been here, in 
 this oaken chapel of fifty or sixty pews, that Patrick Henry 
 delivered the greatest and best known of all his speeches ? Was 
 it here that he uttered those words of doom, so unexpected, so 
 unwelcome, "We must fight"? Even here. And the words 
 were spoken in a tone and manner worthy of the men to whom 
 they were addressed — with quiet and profound solemnity. 
 
 TRUE FORM OF THE CROSS. 
 
 The ancient and ignominious punishment of crucifixion was 
 abolished by the Roman Emperor Constantine the Great, who 
 thought it indecent and irreligious that the Cross should be 
 used for the putting to death of the vilest offenders, while he 
 himself erected it as a trophy, and esteemed it the noblest 
 ornament of his diadem and military standards. In conse- 
 quence of his decree, crucifixion has scarcely been witnessed in 
 Europe for the last 1500 years. Those painters, sculptors, 
 poets and writers who have attempted to describe it have, 
 therefore, followed their own imagination or vague tradition 
 rather than the evidence of history. But they could hardly 
 do otherwise, because the writings of the early fathers of the 
 Church and of pagan historians were not generally accessible 
 
 35 
 
410 . THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 to them until after the revival of learning in the Fifteenth 
 Century, and because the example of depicting the cross once 
 given had been religiously followed by the earliest painters and 
 sculptors, and universally accepted without question; and to 
 object to the generally received form would have been deemed 
 sacrilegious. These two reasons may have been sufficient to 
 deter the great artists of the Sixteenth and Seventeenth 
 Centuries from making any change; there may, however, have 
 been a third, quite as potent (if not more so), and that is that 
 the introduction of the lower projecting beam, astride of which 
 the crucified person was seated, would have been both inartistic 
 and indecent, yet this third piece was invariably used when the 
 punishment was inflicted, except in the case where the sufferer 
 was crucified with the head downward. The researches of two 
 eminent scholars of the Seventeenth Century — Salmasius and 
 Lipsius — have put it beyond a doubt that the cross consisted of 
 a strong upright post, not much taller than a man of lofty 
 stature, which was sharpened at the lower end, by which it 
 was fixed into the ground, having a short bar or stake pro- 
 jecting from its middle, and a longer transverse beam firmly 
 joined to the upright post near the top. The condemned per- 
 son was made to carry his cross to the place of execution, after 
 having been first whipped; he was then stripped of his 
 clothing, and offered a cup of medicated wine, to impart firm- 
 ness or alleviate pain. He was then made to sit astride the 
 middle bar, and his limbs, having been bound with cords, the 
 legs to the upright beam, the arms to the transverse, were 
 finally secured by driving large iron spikes through the hands 
 and feet. The cross was then fixed in its proper position, and 
 the sufferer was left to die, not so much from pain (as is 
 generally supposed) as from exhaustion, or heat, or cold, or 
 hunger, or wild beasts, unless (as was usually the case) his 
 sufferings were put an end to by burning, stoning, suffocation, 
 breaking the bones, or piercing the vital organs. If left alone 
 he generally survived two days or three, and there are cases 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. 411 
 
 recorded where the sufferer lingered tjll the fifth day before 
 dying. 
 
 Referring to the earliest Christian writers, who witnessed the 
 crucifixion of hundreds of their martyred brethren, it will be 
 seen that the foregoing statement of Salmasius respecting the 
 true form of the cross is well founded. Irenaeus, Bishop of 
 Lyons, in the second century, says^: "The structure of the 
 cross has five ends or summits, two in length, two in breadth, 
 and one in the middle, on which the crucified person rests." 
 Justin, another Christian writer of the same period, who 
 acquired the surname of Martyr from the cruel death he 
 suffered for his faith, also speaks of "that end projecting from 
 the middle of the upright post like a horn, on which crucified 
 persons are seated." Tertullian, another Christian writer, who 
 lived a little later, says: "A part, and, indeed, a principal part, 
 of the cross is any post which is fixed in an upright position ; 
 but to us the entire cross is imputed, including its transverse 
 beam, and the projecting bar which serves as a seat." 
 
 This fact (of the sufferer being seated) will account for the 
 long duration of the punishment; the wounds in the hands 
 and feet did not lacerate any large vessel, and were nearly closed 
 by the nails which produced them. The Rev. Alban Butler, in 
 his Lives of the Saints, gives numerous instances of the linger- 
 ing nature of this mode of execution, and of the wonderful 
 heroism displayed by the Christians who underwent it. The 
 Pagan historians also narrate instances of similar heroism on 
 the part of political offenders, who were put to death on the 
 Cross. Bomilcar, the commander of the Carthaginian army 
 in Sicily, having shown a disposition to desert to the enemy, 
 was nailed to a gibbet in the middle of the forum; but "from 
 the height of the Cross, as from a tribunal, he declaimed 
 against the crimes of the citizens; and having spoken thus 
 with a loud voice amid an immense concourse of the people, 
 he expired." Crucifixion has been practised from the remotest 
 ages in the East, and is still occasionally resorted to in Turkey, 
 
412 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 Madagascar, and Northern Africa. The Jewish historian, Jose- 
 phus, states that the chief baker of Pharaoh, whose dream had 
 been interpreted by Joseph, was crucified, though Scripture' 
 says he was hanged; but this may mean hanged on a cross, for 
 the expression seems to be almost equivalent to crucified, as 
 appears from Gralatians, chap. III. v. 13. " Christ hath redeemed 
 us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us; for 
 it is written, \ Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree.' " As 
 regards art, it is not now to be expected that the example set 
 by the great masters will be discarded. In this, as in other 
 matters, custom is law, whose arbitrary sway will be exercised 
 in spite of facts. 
 
 SINGULAR COINCIDENCES. 
 
 A. was walking with a friend .near Oxford, when a snipe rose 
 within shot. They both "presented" their walking-sticks at 
 the bird, remarking what a "pretty shot" it would have been 
 for a gun. The snipe flew on a short distance, then towered, 
 and fell dead. When examined, the bird was found to be 
 apparently uninjured; but a close examination discovered the 
 trace of a former injury, which had led to the rupture of a 
 blood-vessel. If, instead of a walking-stick a gun had been 
 presented and discharged at the bird, no one would have 
 ventured to doubt that the death of the bird was due to the 
 gun. 
 
 A young officer in the army of the famous Wolfe was 
 apparently dying of an abscess in the lungs. He was absent 
 from his regiment on sick-leave; but resolved to rejoin it, when 
 a battle was expected. "For/' said he, "since I am given 
 over, I had better be doing my duty; and my life's being 
 shortened a few days, matters not." He received a shot which 
 pierced the abscess, and made an opening for the discharge. 
 He recovered, and lived to the age of eighty. 
 
 In the United Service Museum, (Whitehall Yard, London,) 
 
THE FANCIES OP FACT. 413 
 
 are exhibited the "jaws of a shark," wide open, and enclosing 
 a tin box. The history of this strange exhibition is as follows : — 
 A ship, on her way to the West Indies, "fell in with" and 
 chased a suspicious-looking craft, which had all the appearance 
 of a slaver. During the pursuit, the chase threw something 
 overboard. She was subsequently captured, and taken into 
 Port Royal to be tried as a slaver. In absence of the ship's 
 papers and other proofs, the slaver was not only in a fair way 
 to escape condemnation, but her captain was anticipating the 
 recovery of pecuniary damages against his captor for illegal 
 detention. While the subject was under discussion, a vessel 
 came into port, which had followed closely in the track of the 
 chase above described. She had caught a shark; and in its 
 stomach was found a tin box, which contained the slaver's 
 papers. Upon the strength of this evidence the slaver was 
 condemned. The written account is attached to the box. 
 
 A. B. was present while some "tricks in cards" were being 
 exhibited by a professional juggler. He took a fresh pack of 
 cards, and directed the company to take out a card from the 
 pack, to replace it, and shuffle the pack. This being done, 
 A. B. took the pack in his hand and carelessly tossed on the 
 table a card, which proved to be the correct one. The pro- 
 fessor, in the utmost surprise and admiration, offered to give 
 A. B. three of his best tricks if he would give him the secret 
 of the trick which he had just exhibited. A. B. coolly 
 declined the offer, and concealed the fact that it was all chance, 
 in the purest sense of the word, that led to the selection of the 
 proper card from the pack. 
 
 Upon the death of a seaman, some money became payable 
 to his widow, Elizabeth Smith, No. 20 (of a certain, say 
 "King") Street, Wapping. The government agent called at 
 No. 20 King Street, and finding that Elizabeth Smith lived 
 there, paid the money without further inquiry. Subsequently 
 the true widow, Elizabeth Smith, turned up ; and it was then 
 
 35* 
 
414 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 discovered that, at the very time the money was paid, the 
 street was being re-numbered, and there were two houses 
 numbered 20; and what was most remarkable, there was an 
 Elizabeth Smith living in each of them. 
 
 Some time in the last century, a Mrs. Stephens professed to 
 have received from her husband a medicine for dissolving 
 "the stone in the bladder," and offered to sell it to government. 
 In order to test the virtue of this medicine, a patient was 
 selected who had undeniably the complaint in question. He 
 took the medicine, and was soon quite well. The doctors 
 watched him anxiously, and when he died, many years after, 
 he was seized by them, and the body examined. It was then 
 discovered that the stone had made for itself a little sac in the 
 bladder, and was so tightly secured that it had never caused 
 any inconvenience. 
 
 Government, however, (somewhat prematurely,) rewarded 
 Mrs. Stephens with a sum of £10,000. The cure appeared to 
 have been purely accidental, as the remedy was nothing but 
 potash, which has little or no virtue in such cases. 
 
 A gentleman of fortune, named Angerstein, lost a large 
 quantity of valuable plate. His butler was soon on the track 
 of the thieves, (who had brought a coach to carry the plate), 
 and enquired at the first turnpike gate whether any vehicle 
 had lately passed. The gate-keeper stated that a hackney- 
 coach had shortly before gone through; and though he was 
 surprised at its passing by so early in the morning, he had not 
 noticed the " number" on the coach. A servant girl, hearing 
 the conversation, volunteered her statement, that she saw the 
 coach pass by, and its number was "45." As the girl could 
 not read, they were surprised at her knowing the "number." 
 She stated that she knew it well, as being the same number 
 she had long seen about the walls everywhere, which she knew 
 was " 45," as every one was speaking of it. This allusion of 
 the girl's was in reference to the " Wilkes" disturbances, when 
 
THE FANCIES OP FACT. 415 
 
 the 45th number of the True Briton was prosecuted, and caused 
 a great deal of public excitement. Mr. Angerstein's butler 
 went at once to London and found out the driver of the 
 hackney-coach No. 45, who at once drove him to the place 
 where the plate was deposited, and it was all recovered. 
 
 Some years since, in the "Temple," was a vertical sun-dial, 
 with the motto, "Be gone about your business." It is stated 
 that this very appropriate motto was the result of the following 
 blunder: — When the dial was erected, the benchers were applied 
 to for a motto. They desired the "builder's man" to call at the 
 library at a certain hour on a certain day, when he should 
 receive instructions. But they forgot the whole matter. On 
 the appointed day and hour the "builder's man" called at the 
 library, and found only a lawyer in close study over a law book. 
 The man stated the cause of his intrusion, which suited so 
 badly the lawyer's time and leisure that he bid the man sharply 
 "Be gone about your business." The lawyer's testy reply was 
 duly painted in big letters upon the dial, and was considered so 
 apposite that it was not only allowed to remain, but was con- 
 sidered to be as appropriate a motto as could be chosen. 
 
 Two men in France took shelter in a barn for the night. In 
 the morning one of them was found dead, with severe injury 
 to the head. The comrade was at once arrested, and told some 
 "cock-and-bull" story about the terrible storm of the night in 
 question, and attributed his companion's death to the effect of 
 a thunder-bolt. He. was not credited : and was in a fair way to 
 be executed for the supposed crime. A scientific gentleman, 
 hearing of the circumstance, examined the place, and found a 
 hole in the roof of the barn, and an aerolite close to the spot 
 where the deceased had slept on the night in question. The 
 innocence of the accused was at once considered as established, 
 and he was released. 
 
 Now, even in these cases, there is nothing supernatural, or 
 even un natural; i. e., there is nothing to prevent the occurrence. 
 
416 THE FANCIES OP FACT. 
 
 The improbability is only from the enormous number of chances 
 against each. But when any German theologian, or other, pre- 
 tends to explain a series of alleged miracles as mere accidents, 
 he should be reminded that the chances are multiplied against 
 each repeated occurrence. If, e. g., the chances against a person's 
 bagging a snipe, which died accidentally just as he pointed a 
 stick or a gun at it, be only 7^33, then, against his thus ob- 
 taining two, the chances would be T^oi<5Uo> an ^ so on - No 
 one familiar with what is sometimes called the Doctrine of 
 Chances but more correctly called the Theory of Probabilities, 
 would believe that a sportsman could bring home a bag full of 
 game, every bird having died accidentally just when shot at. 
 
 CHICK IN THE EGG. 
 
 The hen has scarcely sat on the egg twelve hours, when we 
 begin already to discover in it some lineaments of the head and 
 body of the chicken that is to be born. The heart appears to 
 beat at the end of the day ; at the end of forty-eight hours, 
 two vesicles of blood can be distinguished, the pulsation of 
 which is very visible. At the fiftieth hour, an auricle of the 
 heart appears, and resembles, a lace, or noose folded down 
 upon itself. At the end of seventy hours, we distinguish 
 wings, and on the head two bubbles for the brain; one for 
 the bill, and two others for the forepart and hindpart of 
 the head; the liver appears towards the fifth day. At the 
 end of one hundred and thirty-one hours, the first voluntary 
 motion is observed. At the end of one hundred and thirty- 
 eight hours the lungs and stomach become visible ; at the 
 end of one hundred and forty-two, the intestines, the loins, 
 and the upper jaw. The seventh day, the brain, which 
 was slimy, begins to have some consistence. At the 190th 
 hour of incubation, the bill opens, and the flesh appears in 
 the breast. At the 194th, the sternum is seen, that is to 
 say, the breastbone. At the 210th, the ribs come out of 
 the back, the bill is very visible, as well as the gall-bladder, 
 
THE FANCIES OP FACT. 417 
 
 The bill becomes green at the end of two hundred and thirty 
 six hours ; and if the chick is taken out of its covering, it evi- 
 dently moves itself. The feathers begin to shoot out towards 
 the 240th hour, and the skull becomes gristly. At the 264th, 
 the eyes appear. At the 288th, the ribs are perfect. At the 
 331st, the spleen draws near to the stomach, and the lungs to 
 the chest. At the end of three hundred and fifty-five hours, 
 the bill frequently opens and shuts; and at the end of four 
 hundred and fifty-one hours, or the eighteenth day, the first cry 
 of the chick is already heard : it afterwards gets more strength, 
 and grows continually, till at last it sets itself at liberty, by 
 opening the prison in which it was shut up. Thus is it by so 
 many different degrees that these creatures are brought into life. 
 All these progressions are made by rule, and there is not one 
 of them without sufficient reason. No part of its body could 
 appear sooner or later without the whole embryo suffering ; and 
 each of its limbs appears at the proper moment. How mani- 
 festly is this ordination — so wise, and so invariable in the pro- 
 duction of the animal — the work of a Supreme Being ! 
 
 INNATE APPETITE. 
 
 McKenzie, in his Phrenological Essays, mentions the follow- 
 ing curious fact, witnessed by Sir James Hall. He had been 
 engaged in making some experiments on hatching eggs by arti- 
 ficial heat, and on one occasion observed in one of his boxes a 
 chicken in the act of breaking from its confinement. It hap- 
 pened that just as the creature was getting out of the shell, a 
 spider began to run along the box, when the chicken darted 
 forward, seized and swallowed it. 
 
 THE INDIAN AND HIS TAMED SNAKE. 
 
 An Indian had tamed a blacksnake, which he kept about 
 him during the summer months. In autumn he let the crea- 
 ture go whither it chose to crawl, but told it to come to him 
 again upon a certain day, which he named, in the spring. A 
 white man who was present, and saw what was done, and heard 
 2B 
 
418 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 the Indian affirm that the serpent would return to him the very 
 day he had appointed, had no faith in the truth of his predic- 
 tion. The next spring, however, retaining the day in his me- 
 mory, curiosity led him to the place, where he found the Indian 
 in waiting; and, after remaining with him about two hours, the 
 serpent came crawling back, and put himself under the care of 
 his old master. 
 
 In this case, the Indian had probably observed that black- 
 snakes usually return to their old haunts at the same vernal 
 season ; and as he had tamed, fed, and kept this snake in a par- 
 ticular place, experience taught him that it would return on a 
 certain day. 
 
 ALLIGATORS SWALLOWING STONES. 
 
 The Indians on the banks of the Oronoko assert that pre- 
 viously to an alligator going in search of prey it always swallows 
 a large stone, that it may acquire additional weight to aid it in 
 diving and dragging its victims under water. A traveller being 
 somewhat incredulous on this point, Bolivar, to convince him, 
 shot several with his rifle, and in all of them were found stones 
 varying in weight according to the size of the animal. The 
 largest killed was about seventeen feet in length, and had within 
 him a stone weighing about sixty or seventy pounds. 
 
 HABITS OF SHEEP. 
 
 Never jumps a sheep that's frightened 
 Over any fence whatever, 
 Over wall, or fence, or timber, 
 But a second follows after, 
 And a third upon the second, 
 And a fourth, and fifth, and so on, 
 When they see the tail uplifted, — 
 First a sheep, and then a dozen, 
 Till they all, in quick succession, 
 One by one, have got clear over. 
 
 Dr. Anderson, of Liverpool, relates the following amusing 
 illustration of the singularly persevering disposition of sheep 
 to follow their leader wherever he goes : — 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. 419 
 
 A butcher's boy was driving about twenty fat wethers 
 through the town, but they ran down a street where he did not 
 want them to go. He observed a scavenger at work, and called 
 out loudly for him to stop the sheep. The man accordingly did 
 what he could to turn them back, running from side to side, 
 always opposing himself to their passage, and brandishing his 
 broom with great dexterity ; but the sheep, much agitated, 
 pressed forward, and at last one of them came right up to the 
 man, who, fearing it was going to jump over his head, whilst 
 he was stooping, grasped the broom with both hands and held 
 it over his head. He stood for a few seconds in this position, 
 when the sheep made a spring and jumped fairly over him, 
 without touching the broom. The first had no sooner cleared 
 this impediment than another. followed, and another, in quick 
 succession, so that the man, perfectly confounded, seemed to 
 lose all recollection, and stood in the same attitude till the 
 whole of them had jumped over him, and not one attempted 
 to pass on either side, although the street was quite clear. 
 
 REMARKABLE EQUESTRIAN EXPEDITIONS. 
 
 Mr. Cooper Thornhill, an innkeeper at Stilton, in Hunting- 
 donshire, rode from that place to London and back again, and 
 also a second time to London, in one day,— which made a jour- 
 ney in all of two hundred and thirteen miles. He undertook 
 to ride this journey with several horses in fifteen hours, but 
 performed it in twelve hours and a quarter. This remarkable 
 feat gave rise to a poem called the ^tilton Hero, which was 
 published in the year 1745. 
 
 Some years ago, Lord James Cavendish rode from Hyde 
 Park Corner to Windsor' Lodge, which is upwards of twenty 
 miles, in less than an hour. 
 
 Sir Robert Cary rode nearly three hundred miles in less than 
 three days, when he went from London to Edinburgh to inform 
 King James of the death of Queen Elizabeth. He had several 
 falls and sore bruises on the road, which occasioned his going 
 battered and bloody into the royal presence. 
 
420 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 On the 29th of August, 1750, was decided at Newmarket a 
 remarkable wager for one thousand guineas, laid by Theobald 
 Taaf, Esq., against the Earl of March and Lord Eglinton, who 
 were to provide a four-wheel carriage with a man in it, to be 
 drawn by four horses nineteen miles in an hour. The match 
 was performed in fifty-three minutes and twenty-four seconds. 
 An engraved model of the carriage was formerly sold in the 
 print-shops. 
 
 The Marquis de la Fayette rode in August, 1778, from 
 Rhode Island to Boston, nearly seventy miles distant, in seven 
 hours, and returned in six and a half. 
 
 Mr. Fozard, of Park Lane, London, fore wager of one hun- 
 dred and fifty pounds against one hundred pounds, undertook to 
 ride forty miles in two hours, over Epsom course. He rode 
 two miles more than had been agreed on, and performed it in 
 five minutes under time, in October, 1789. 
 
 Mr. Wilde, an Irish gentleman, lately rode one hundred and 
 twenty-seven miles on the course of Kildare, in Ireland, in six 
 hours and twenty minutes, for a wager of one thousand guineas. 
 
 The famous Count de Montgomery escaped from the massa- 
 cre of Paris in 1572, through the swiftness of his horse, which, 
 according to a manuscript of that time, carried him ninety miles 
 without halting. 
 
 WONDERFUL HORSE. 
 
 In the year 1609, an Englishman named Banks had a horse 
 which he had trained to follow him wherever he went, even 
 over fences and to the roofs of buildings. He and his horse 
 went to the top of that immensely high structure, St. Paul's 
 Church. After many extraordinary performances at home, the 
 horse and his master went to Home, where they performed feats 
 equally astonishing. But the result was that both Banks and 
 his horse were burned, by order of the Pope, as enchanters. 
 Sir Walter Raleigh observes, that had Banks lived in olden 
 times, he would have shamed all the enchanters of the world, 
 for no beast ever performed such wonders as his. 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. 421 
 
 Fortunately for men like Thorne, and Rice, and Franconi, 
 who have been so successful in training the noblest animal in 
 creation for the stage-representations of Mazeppa, Putnam's 
 Leap, &c, and for the various and fantastic tricks which have 
 won so much admiration and applause, the present age is not 
 disgraced by such besotted ignorance and superstition. 
 
 WONDERFUL LOCK. 
 
 Among the wonderful products of art in the French Crystal 
 Palace was shown a lock which admits of 3,674,385 combina- 
 tions. Heuret passed a hundred and twenty nights in locking 
 it, and Fichet was fgur months in unlocking it; now they can 
 neither shut nor open it. 
 
 CELERITY OF CLOTH-MANUFACTURE. 
 
 Many accounts have been published of the celerity with 
 which manufacturers of cloth, both English and American, have 
 completed the various parts of the process, from the fleece 
 to the garment. In England the fleece was taken from the 
 sheep, manufactured into cloth, and the cloth made into a coat, 
 in the short space of thirteen hours and twenty minutes. 
 Messrs. Buck, Brewster & Co., proprietors of the Ontario manu- 
 factory at Manchester, Vermont, on perusing an account of this 
 English achievement, conceived, from the perfection of their 
 machinery and the dexterity of their workmen, that the same 
 operations might be accomplished even in a shorter time. A 
 wager of five hundred dollars was offered, and accepted, that 
 they would perform the same operations in twelve hours. The 
 wool was taken from the sack in its natural state, and in nine 
 hours and fifteen minutes precisely, the coat was completed, 
 and worn in triumph by one of the party concerned. The wool 
 was picked, greased, carded, roped, and spun, — the yarn was 
 worked, put into the loom and woven, — the cloth was fulled, 
 colored, and four times shorn, pressed, and carried to the 
 tailor's, and the coat completed, — all within the time above stated. 
 The cloth was not of the finest texture, but was very hand- 
 
 36 
 
422 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 somely dressed, and fitted the person who wore it remarkably 
 well. The only difference between this and the English experi- 
 ment was the time occupied in shearing the fleece; and any 
 wool-grower knows that this part of the operation may be per- 
 formed in ten minutes. 
 
 CRUDE VALUE Versus INDUSTRIAL VALUE. 
 
 Algarotti, in his Opuscula, gives the following example to 
 show the prodigious addition of value that may be given to an 
 object by skill and industry. A pound weight of pig-iron costs 
 the operative manufacturer about five cents. This is worked 
 up into steel, of which is made the littlg spiral spring that 
 moves the balance-wheel of a watch. Each of these springs 
 weighs but the tenth part of a grain, and, when completed, may 
 be sold as high as $3.00, so that out of a pound of iron, allow- 
 ing something for the loss of metal, eighty thousand of these 
 springs may be made, and a substance worth but five cents be 
 wrought into a value of $240,000. 
 
 An American gentleman says, that during a recent visit to 
 Manchester, England, a pound of cotton, which in its crude 
 state may have been worth eight cents, was pointed out to him 
 as worth a pound of gold. It had been spun into a thread 
 that would go round the globe at the equator and tie in a good 
 large knot of many hundred miles in length. 
 
 QUANTITY AND VALUE. 
 
 For what is worth in any thing 
 
 But so much money as 'twill bring? — Butler. 
 
 When emeralds were first discovered in America, a Spaniard 
 carried one to a lapidary in Italy, and asked him what it was 
 worth ; he was told a hundred escudos. He produced a second, 
 which was larger; and that was valued at three hundred. Over- 
 joyed at this, he took the lapidary to his lodging and showed 
 him a chest full ; but the Italian, seeing so many, damped his 
 joy by saying, " Ah ha, Senor ! so many ! — these are worth 
 one escudo." 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. 423 
 
 Montenegro presented to the elder Almagro the first cat 
 which was brought to South America, and was rewarded for it 
 with six hundred pesos. The first couple of cats which were 
 carried to Cuyaba sold for a pound of gold. There was a 
 plague of rats in the settlement, and they were purchased as a 
 speculation, which proved an excellent one. Their first kittens 
 produced thirty oitavas each ; the next generation were worth 
 twenty ; and the price gradually fell as the inhabitants were 
 stocked with these beautiful and useful creatures. 
 
 Could every hailstone to a pearl be turned, 
 Pearls in the mart like oyster-shells were spurned ! 
 
 AMOUNT OF GOLD IN THE WORLD. 
 
 Estimate the yard of gold at £2,000,000, (which it is in round 
 numbers,) and all the gold in the world might, if melted into 
 ingots, be contained in a cellar twenty-four feet square and six- 
 teen feet high. All the boasted wealth already obtained from 
 California and Australia would go into a safe nine feet square 
 and nine feet high; so small is the cube of yellow metal that 
 has set populations on the march and occasioned such wondrous 
 revolutions in the affairs of the world. 
 
 The contributions of the people, in the time of David, for 
 the sanctuary, exceeded £6,800,000. The immense treasure 
 David is said to have collected for the sanctuary amounted to 
 £889,000,000 sterling, (Crito says £798,000,000,)— a sum 
 greater than the British national debt. The gold with which 
 Solomon overlaid the " most holy place/' a room only thir- 
 teen feet square, amounted to more than thirty-eight millions 
 sterling. 
 
 The products of the California mines from 1853 to 1858 are 
 put down at $443,091,000; those of Australia, since their dis- 
 covery, at $296,813,000; or $739,904,000 in all,— an increase of 
 about one-third, according to the best statistical writers, on the 
 value of this precious metal known in 1850. The total value 
 of gold in the world at the present time, then, is but little 
 more than $3,000,000,000. 
 
424 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 
 IMMENSE WEALTH OF THE ROMANS. 
 
 • 
 
 Crassus* landed estate was valued at 
 
 $8,333,330 
 
 * His house was valued at 
 
 400,000 
 
 Caecilius Isidorus, after having lost much, left 
 
 5,235,800 
 
 Demetrius, a freedman of Pompey, was worth - 
 
 3,875,000 
 
 Lentulus, the augur, no less than - 
 
 16,666,666 
 
 Clodius, who was slain by Milo, paid for his house 
 
 616,66b 
 
 He once swallowed a pearl worth - 
 
 40,000 
 
 Apicius was worth more than ... 
 
 4,583,350 
 
 And after he had spent in his kitchen, and other- 
 
 
 wise squandered, immense sums, to the amount of 
 
 4,166,666 
 
 He poisoned himself, leaving - 
 
 416,666 
 
 The establishment belonging to M. Scarus, and 
 
 
 burned at Tusculum, was valued at 
 
 4,150,000 
 
 Gifts and bribes may be considered signs of great 
 
 
 riches : Caesar presented Servilia, the mother of 
 
 
 Brutus, with a pearl worth - 
 
 200,000 
 
 Paulus, the consul, was bribed by Caesar with the 
 
 
 sum of 
 
 292,000 
 
 Curio contracted debts to the amount of - 
 
 2,500,000 
 
 Milo contracted a debt of - 
 
 2,915,666 
 
 Antony owed at the Ides of March, which he paid 
 
 
 before the Calends of April - 
 
 1,666,666 
 
 He had squandered altogether - 
 
 735,000,000 
 
 Seneca had a fortune of - 
 
 17,500,000 
 
 Tiberius left at his death, and Caligula spent in 
 
 
 less than twelve months, - 
 
 118,120,000 
 
 Caligula spent for one supper - 
 
 150,000 
 
 Heliogabalus in the same manner 
 
 100,000 
 
 The suppers of Lucullus at the Apollo cost 
 
 8,330 
 
 Horace says that Pegellus, a singer, could in five 
 
 
 days spend 
 
 40,000 
 
 Herrius' fish-ponds sold for - 
 
 166,000 
 
 Calvinus Labinus purchased many learned slaves, 
 
 
 none of them at a price less than - 
 
 4,165 
 
 Stage-players sold much higher. 
 
 
THE FANCIES OE EACT. 425 
 
 WINE AT TWO MILLIONS A BOTTLE. 
 
 Wine at two millions of dollars a bottle is a drink that in 
 expense would rival the luxurious taste of barbaric splendor, 
 when priceless pearls were thrown into the wine-cup to give a 
 rich flavor to its contents ; yet that there is such a costly 
 beverage, is a fixed fact. In the Rose apartment (so called 
 from a bronze bas-relief) of the ancient cellar under the 
 Hotel de Ville in the city of Bremen is the famous Rosenwein, 
 deposited there nearly two- centuries and a half ago. There 
 were twelve large cases, each bearing the name of one of the 
 apostles; and the wine of Judas, despite the reprobation 
 attached to his name, is to this day more highly esteemed 
 than the others. One case of the wine, containing five oxhofb 
 of two hundred and four bottles, cost five hundred rix-dollars 
 in 1624. Including the expenses of keeping up the cellar, 
 and of the contributions, interests of the amounts, and in- 
 terests upon interests, an oxhoft costs at the present time 
 555,657,640 rix-dollars, and consequently a bottle is worth 
 2,723,812 rix-dollars; a glass, or the eighth part of a bottle, is 
 worth 340,476 rix-dollars, or $272,380 j or at the rate of 540 
 rix-dollars, or $272, per drop. A burgomaster of Bremen is 
 privileged to have one bottle whenever he entertains a distin- 
 guished guest who enjoys a German or European reputation. 
 The fact illustrates the operation of interest, if it does not 
 show the cost of luxury. 
 
 CAPACIOUS BEER-CASKS. 
 
 A few years before Mr. Thrale's death, which happened in 
 1781, an emulation arose among the brewers to exceed each 
 other in the size of their casks for keeping beer to a certain 
 age, — probably, says Sir John Hawkins, taking the hint from 
 the tun at Heidelberg, of which the following is a description : 
 
 At Heidelberg, on the river Neckar, near its junction with 
 the Rhine, in Germany, there was a tun or wine-vessel con- 
 structed in 1343, which contained twenty-one pipes. Another 
 
 36* 
 
426 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 was made, or the one now mentioned rebuilt, in 1664, which 
 held six hundred hogsheads, English measure. This was emp- 
 tied, and knocked to pieces by the French, in 1688. But a new 
 and larger one was afterwards fabricated, which held eight hun- 
 dred hogsheads. It was formerly kept full of the best Rhenish 
 wine, and the Electors have given many entertainments on its 
 platform ; but this convivial monument of ancient hospitality is 
 now, says Mr. Walker, but a melancholy, unsocial, solitary in- 
 stance of the extinction of hospitality : it moulders in a damp 
 vault, quite empty. 
 
 The celebrated tun at Kbnigstein is said to be the most ca- 
 pacious cask in the world, — holding 1,869,236 pints. The top 
 is railed in, and it affords room for twenty people to regale 
 themselves. There are also several kinds of welcome-cups, 
 which are offered to strangers, who are invited by a Latin in- 
 scription to drink to the prosperity of the whole universe 
 This enormous tun was built in 1725, by Frederick Augustus, 
 King of Poland and Elector of Saxony, who, in the inscrip- 
 tion just mentioned, is styled " the father of his country, the 
 Titus of his age, and the delight of mankind." 
 
 Dr. Johnson once mentioned that his friend Thrale had four 
 casks so large that each of them held one thousand hogsheads. 
 But Mr. Meux, of Liquorpond Street, Gray's Inn Lane, could, 
 according to Mr. Pennant, show twenty-four vessels containing 
 in all thirty-five thousand barrels : one alone held four thou- 
 sand five hundred barrels; and in the year 1790 this enterpris- 
 ing brewer built another, containing nearly twelve thousand 
 barrels, valued at about £20,000. A dinner was given to 
 two hundred people at the bottom of it, and two hundred more 
 joined the company to drink success to this unrivalled vat. 
 
 DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE ENGLISH POETS. 
 
 Chaucer describes men and things as they are ; Shakspeare, 
 as they would be under the circumstances supposed ; Spenser, 
 as we would wish them to be; Milton, as they ought to be; Byron, 
 as they ought not to be; and Shelley, as they never can be. 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. 427 
 
 PERILS QF PRECOCITY. 
 
 Baillet mentions one hundred and sixty-three children 
 endowed with extraordinary talents, among whom few arrived 
 at an advanced age. The two sons of Quintilian so vaunted 
 by their father did not reach their tenth year. Hermogenes, 
 who at the age of fifteen taught rhetoric to Marcus Aurelius, 
 who triumphed over the most celebrated rhetoricians of Greece, 
 did not die at an early age, but at twenty-four lost his faculties 
 and forgot all he had previously acquired. Pico di Mirandola 
 died at thirty-two ; Johannus Secundus at twenty -five, having 
 at the age of fifteen composed admirable Greek and Latin 
 verses and become profoundly versed in jurisprudence and 
 letters. Pascal, whose genius developed itself when ten years 
 old, did not attain the third of a century. In 1791, a child 
 was born at Lubeck, named Henri Heinneken, whose precocity 
 was miraculous. At ten months of age he spoke distinctly, at 
 twelve learned the Pentateuch by rote, and at fourteen months 
 was perfectly acquainted with the Old and New Testament 
 At two years he was as familiar with geography and ancient 
 history as the most erudite authors of antiquity. In the 
 ancient and modern languages he was a proficient. This won- 
 derful child was unfortunately carried off in his fourth year. 
 
 THE BLACK HOLE AT CALCUTTA. 
 
 This celebrated place of confinement was only eighteen feet 
 by eighteen, containing, therefore, three hundred and twenty-four 
 square feet. When Fort William was taken, in 1756, by Sura- 
 jah Dowla, Nabob of Bengal, one hundred and forty-six persons 
 were shut up in the Black Hole. The room allowed to each 
 person a space of twenty-six and a half inches by twelve inches, 
 which was just sufficient to hold them without their pressing 
 violently on each other. To this dungeon there was but one small 
 grated window, and, the weather being very sultry, the air 
 within could neither circulate nor be changed. In less than an 
 hour, many of the prisoners were attacked witji extreme diffi- 
 culty of breathing ; several were delirious ; and the place was 
 
428 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 filled with incoherent ravings, in jrhich the cry for water was 
 predominant. This was handed them by the sentinels, but 
 without the effect of allaying their thirst. In less than four 
 hours, many were suffocated, or died in violent delirium. In 
 five hours, the survivors, except those at the grate, were frantic 
 and outrageous. At length most of them became insensible. 
 Eleven hours after they were imprisoned, twenty-three only, of 
 the one hundred and forty-six, came out alive, and those were 
 in a highly-putrid fever, from which, however, by fresh air and 
 proper attention, they gradually recovered. 
 
 STONE BAROMETER. 
 
 A Finland newspaper mentions a stone in the northern part 
 of Finland, which serves the inhabitants instead of a barometer. 
 This stone, which they call Ilmakiur, turns black, or blackish 
 gray, when it is going to rain, but on the approach of fine wea- 
 ther it is covered with white spots. Probably it is a fossil 
 mixed with clay, and containing rock-salt, nitre, or ammonia, 
 which, according to the greater or less degree of dampness of 
 the atmosphere, attracts it, or otherwise. In the latter case 
 the salt appears, forming the white spots. 
 
 BITTERNESS OF STRYCHNIA. 
 
 Strychnia, the active principle of the Nux Vomica bean, 
 which has become so famous in the annals of criminal poison- 
 ing, is so intensely bitter that it will impart a sensibly bitter 
 taste to six hundred thousand times its weight of water. 
 
 SALT, AS A LUXURY. 
 
 Mungo Park describes salt as " the greatest of all luxuries in 
 Central Africa." Says he, "It would appear strange to a 
 European to see a child suck a piece of rock-salt, as if it were 
 sugar. This, however, I have frequently seen ; although in 
 the inland parts the poorer class of inhabitants are so very 
 rarely indulged r with this precious article, that to say a man 
 eats salt with his victuals is the same as saying that he is a 
 
THE FANCIES OP FACT. 429 
 
 rich man. I have myself suffered great inconvenience from 
 the scarcity of this article. The long-continued use of vege- 
 table food creates so painful a longing for salt, that no words 
 can sufficiently describe it." 
 
 SINGULAR CHANGE OF TASTE. 
 
 The sense by which we appreciate the sweetness of bodies is 
 liable to singular modifications. Thus, the leaves of the Gym- 
 nema sylvestre, — a plant of Northern India, — when chewed, 
 take away the power of tasting sugar for twenty-four hours, 
 without otherwise injuring the general sense of taste. 
 
 BLUNDERS OF PAINTERS. 
 
 Tiotoret, an Italian painter, in a picture of the Children of 
 Israel gathering manna, has taken the precaution to arm them 
 with the modern invention of guns. Cigoli painted the aged 
 Simeon at the circumcision of the infant Saviour; and as aged 
 men in these days wear spectacles, the artist has shown his 
 sagacity by placing them on Simeon's nose. In a picture by 
 Verrio of Christ healing the sick, the lookers-on are represented 
 as standing with periwigs on their heads. To match, or rather 
 to exceed, this ludicrous representation, Durer has painted the 
 expulsion of Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden by an 
 angel in a dress fashionably trimmed with flounces. The same 
 painter, in his scene of Peter denying Christ, represents a 
 Roman soldier very comfortably smoking a pipe of tobacco. A 
 Dutch painter, in a picture of the Wise Men worshipping the 
 Holy Child, has drawn one of them in a large white surplice, 
 and in boots and spurs, and he is in the act of presenting to 
 the child a model of a Dutch man-of-war. In a Dutch picture 
 of Abraham offering up his son, instead of the patriarch's 
 " stretching forth his hand and taking the knife," as the Scrip- 
 tures inform us, he is represented as using a more effectual and 
 modern instrument : he is holding to Isaac's head a blunder- 
 buss. Berlin represents in a picture the Virgin and Child lis- 
 tening to a violin ; and in another picture he has drawn King 
 
430 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 David playing the harp at the marriage of Christ with St. 
 Catherine. A French artist has drawn, with true French 
 taste, the Lord's Supper, with the table ornamented with tum- 
 blers filled with cigar-lighters ; and, as if to crown the list of 
 these absurd and ludicrous anachronisms, the garden of Eden 
 has been drawn with Adam and Eve in all their primeval sim- 
 plicity and virtue, while near them, in full costume, is seen a 
 hunter with a gun, shooting ducks. 
 
 MINUTE MECHANISM. 
 
 There is a cherry-stone at the Salem (Mass.) Museum, which 
 contains one dozen silver spoons. The stone itself is of the 
 ordinary size ; but the spoons are so small that their shape and 
 finish can only be well distinguished by the microscope. Here 
 is the result of immense labor for no decidedly useful purppse; 
 and there are thousands of other objects in the world fashioned 
 by ingenuity, the value of which, in a utilitarian sense, may be 
 said to be quite as indifferent. Dr. Oliver gives an account of 
 a cherry-stone on which were carved one hundred and twenty- 
 four heads, so distinctly that the naked eye could distinguish 
 those belonging to popes and kings by their mitres and crowns. 
 It was bought in Prussia for fifteen thousand dollars, and thence 
 conveyed to England, where it was considered an object of so 
 much value that its possession was disputed, and it became the 
 object of a suit in chancery. One of the Nuremberg toy- 
 makers enclosed in a cherry-stone, which was exhibited at the 
 French Crystal Palace, a plan of Sevastopol, a railway-station, 
 and the " Messiah" of Klopstock. In more remote times, an 
 account is given of an ivory chariot, constructed by Merme- 
 cides, which was so small that a fly could cover it with his 
 wing; also a ship of the same material, which could be hidden 
 under the wing of a bee ! Pliny, too, tells us that Homer's 
 Iliad, with its fifteen thousand verses, was written in so small a 
 space as to be contained iu a nutshell; while Elian mentions 
 an artist who wrote a distich in letters of gold, which he en- 
 closed in the rind of a kernel of corn. But the Harleian MS. 
 
THE FANCIES OP TACT. 431 
 
 mentions a greater curiosity than any of the above, it being no- 
 thing more nor less than the Bible, written by one Peter Bales, 
 a chancery clerk, in so small a book that it could be enclosed 
 within the shell of an English walnut. Disraeli gives an ac- 
 count of many other exploits similar to the one of Bales. 
 There is a drawing of the head of Charles II. in the library of 
 St. John's College, Oxford, wholly composed of minute written 
 characters, which at a small distance resemble the lines of an 
 engraving. The head and the ruff are said to contain the book 
 of Psalms, in Greek, and the Lord's Prayer. In the British 
 Museum is a portrait of Queen Anne, not much larger than 
 the hand. On this drawing are a number of lines and scratches, 
 which, it is asserted, comprise the entire contents of a thin 
 folio. The modern art of Photography is capable of effecting 
 wonders in this way. We have before us the Declaration of 
 Independence, containing seven thousand eight hundred letters, 
 on a space not larger than the head of a pin, which, when 
 viewed through a microscope, may be read distinctly. 
 
 THE RATIO OP THE DIAMETER TO THE CIRCUMFERENCE. 
 
 The proportion of the diameter of a circle to its circumfer- 
 ence has never yet been exactly ascertained. Nor can a square 
 or any other right-lined figure be found that shall be equal to a 
 given circle. This is the celebrated problem called the squar- 
 ing of the circle, which has exercised the abilities of the great- 
 est mathematicians for ages and been the occasion of so many 
 disputes. Several persons of considerable eminence have, at 
 different times, pretended that they had discovered the exact 
 quadrature ; but their errors have readily been detected ; and it 
 is now generally looked upon as a thing impossible to be done. 
 
 But though the relation between the diameter and circum- 
 ference cannot be accurately expressed in known numbers, it 
 may yet be approximated to any assigned degree of exactness. 
 And in this manner was the problem solved, about two thou- 
 sand years ago, by the great Archimedes, who discovered the 
 proportion to be nearly as seven to twenty-two. The process 
 
432 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 by which he effected this may be seen in his book De Dimen- 
 sione Circuli. The same proportion was also discovered by 
 Philo Gadarensis and Apollonius Pergeus at a still earlier 
 period, as we are informed by Eutocius. 
 
 The proportion of Vieta and Metius is that of one hundred 
 and thirteen to three hundred and fifty-five, which is a little 
 more exact than the former. It was derived from the pre- 
 tended quadrature of a M. Van Eick, which first gave rise to 
 the discovery. 
 
 But the first who ascertained this ratio to any great degree 
 of exactness was Van Ceulen, a Dutchman, in his book De 
 Circulo et Adscriptis. He found that if the diameter of a 
 circle was 1, the circumference would be 3*14159265358979- 
 3238462643383279502884 nearly; which is exactly true to 
 thirty-six places of decimals, and was effected by the continual 
 bisection of an arc of a circle, a method so extremely trouble- 
 some and laborious that it must have cost him incredible pains. 
 It is said to have been thought so curious a performance that 
 the numbers were cut on his tombstone in St. Peter's church- 
 yard, at Leyden. 
 
 But" since the invention of fluxions, and the summation of 
 infinite series, several methods have been discovered for doing 
 the same thiug with much more ease and expedition. Euler 
 and other eminent mathematicians have by these means given 
 a quadrature of the circle which is true to more than one hun- 
 dred places of decimals, — a proportion so extremely near the 
 truth that, unless the ratio could be completely obtained, we 
 need not wish for a greater degree of accuracy. 
 
 MATHEMATICAL PRODIGIES. 
 
 They with the pen or pencil problems solved ,• 
 He, with no aid but wondrous memory. 
 
 Prominent among the precocious mathematicians of the pre- 
 sent day is a colored boy in Kentucky, named William Marcy, 
 whose feats in mental arithmetic are truly wonderful. His 
 powers of computation appear to be fully equal to those of Bid- 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. 433 
 
 der, Buxton, G-randimange, Colburn, or Safford. He can mul- 
 tiply or divide millions by thousands in a few minutes from the 
 time the figures are given to him, and always with the utmost 
 exactness. Recently, in the presence of a party of gentlemen, 
 he added a column of figures, eight in a line, and one hundred 
 and eighty lines, making the sum total of several millions, 
 within six minutes. The feat was so astounding, and appa- 
 rently incredible, that several of the party took off their coats, 
 and, dividing the sum, went to work, and in two hours after 
 they commenced produced identically the same answers. The 
 boy is not quite seventeen years of age ; he cannot read nor 
 write, and in every other branch of an English education is 
 entirely deficient. It is worthy of remark that mathematics 
 is the only department of science in which such feats of im- 
 becile minds can be achieved. The supposition would not, a 
 priori, be admissible ; but frequent facts prove it. A negro, 
 a real idiot, was not long since reported in Alabama, who could 
 beat this Kentuckian in figures, but could scarcely do any thing 
 else worthy of a human intellect. Precocious mathematicians, 
 not imbecile, have usually turned out poorly ; few of them, like 
 Pascal, have shown any general capacity. These facts suggest 
 inferences unfortunate for mathematical genius, if not for 
 mathematical studies. They have sublime relations, in their 
 " mixed" form, with our knowledge of the universe; but their 
 relations to genius — to human sentiments and sensibilities — to 
 the moral and ideal in humanity, — are, to say the least, quite 
 equivocal. The calculating power alone would seem to be the 
 least of human qualities, and to have the smallest amount of 
 reason in it; since a machine like Babbage's can be made to 
 do the work of three or four calculators, and better than any 
 of them. 
 
 EXTRAORDINARY MEMORY. 
 
 Lipsius made this offer to a German prince : — Sit here with 
 a poniard, and if in repeating Tacitus from beginning to end I 
 miss a single word, stab me. I will freely bare my breast for 
 you to strike. 
 
 2C 37 
 
434 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 Muretus tells us of a young Corsican, a law-student at Padua, 
 who could, without hesitation, repeat thirty-six thousand Latin, 
 G-reek, or barbarous words, significant or insignificant, upon once 
 hearing them. Muretus himself tested his wonderful memory, 
 and avers all alleged respecting it to be strictly true. 
 
 Mr. Carruthers, in the course of a lecture on Scottish history 
 mentioned an instance of Sir Walter Scott's wonderful mem- 
 ory : " I have heard Campbell relate how strongly Scott was im- 
 pressed with his (Campbell's) poem of LochieVs Warning. 'I 
 read it to him in manuscript/ he said; 'he then asked to read 
 it over himself, which he did slowly and distinctly, after which 
 he handed to me the manuscript, saying, l Take care of your 
 copyright, for I have got your poem by heart/ and with only 
 these two readings he repeated the poem with scarcely a mistake.' 
 Certainly an extraordinary instance of memory, for the piece con- 
 tains eighty-eight lines. The subject, however, was one which 
 could not fail powerfully to arrest Scott's attention, and versifica- 
 tion and diction are such as are easily caught up and remembered." 
 
 SILENT COMPLIMENT. 
 
 While an eloquent clergyman was addressing a religious 
 society, he intimated, more than once, that he was admonished to 
 conclude by the lateness of the hour. His discourse, however, 
 was so attractive that some ladies in the gallery covered the 
 clock with their shawls. 
 
 SELF-IMMOLATION. 
 
 Comyn, Bishop of Durham, having quarrelled with his cler- 
 gy, they mixed poison with the wine of the Eucharist, and 
 gave it to him. He perceived the poison, but yet, with mis- 
 guided devotion, he drank it and died. 
 
 THE NEED OF PROVIDENCE. 
 
 Cecil says in his Remains : — We require the same hand to pro- 
 tects us in apparent safety as in the most imminent and palpahle 
 danger. One of the most wicked men in my neighborhood was 
 riding near a precipice and fell over V his horse was killed, but 
 he escaped without injury. Instead of thanking God for his 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. 435 
 
 deliverance, he refused to acknowledge the hand of God in it 
 but attributed his escape to chance. The same man was after- 
 wards riding on a very smooth road: his horse suddenly fell and 
 threw his rider over his head, and killed him on the spot, while 
 the horse escaped unhurt. 
 
 DIMENSIONS OF HEAVEN. 
 And he measured the city with the reed, twelve thousand furlongs. The 
 length, and the breadth, and the height of it are equal.— Rev. xxi. 16. 
 
 Twelve thousand furlongs, 7,920,000 feet, which being 
 cubed, 496,793,088,000,000,000,000 cubic feet. Half of this 
 we will reserve for the Throne of God and the Court of Heaven, 
 and half the balance for streets, leaving a remainder of 124,- 
 198,272,000,000,000,000 cubic feet. Divide this by 4,096, 
 the cubical feet in a room sixteen feet square, and there will 
 be 30,321,843,750,000,000 rooms. 
 
 We will now suppose the world always did and always will 
 contain 990,000,000 inhabitants, and that a generation lasts for 
 33£ years, making in all 2,970,000,000 every century, and that 
 the world will stand 100,000 years, or 1,000 centuries, making 
 in all 2,970,000,000,000 inhabitants. Then suppose there were 
 one hundred worlds equal to this in number of inhabitants and 
 duration of years, making a total of 297,000,000,000,000 per- 
 sons, and there would be more than a hundred rooms sixteen 
 feet square for each person. 
 
 THE COST OF SOLOMON'S TEMPLE. 
 
 According to the computation of Villalpandus, the talents of 
 gold, silver, and brass, used in the construction of the Temple, 
 amounted to £6,879,822,500. The jewels are reckoned to have 
 exceeded this sum ; but, for the sake of an estimate, fet their, value 
 be set down at the same amount. The vessels of gold (vasa 
 aurea) consecrated to the use of the Temple are reckoned by Jose- 
 phus at 140,000 talents, which, according to Capel's reduction, 
 are equal to £545,296,203. The vessels of silver (vasa argentea) 
 are computed at 1,340,000 talents, or £489,344,000. The silk 
 vestments of the priests cost £10,000; the purple vestments 
 
436 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 of the singers, £2,000,000. The trumpets amounted to 
 £200,000 j other musical instruments to £40,000. To these 
 expenses must be added those of the other materials, the tim- 
 ber and stone, and of the labor employed upon them, the labor 
 being divided thus : there were 10,000 men engaged at Leba- 
 non in hewing timber (silvicidse) ', there were 70,000 bearers of 
 burdens (yectores) ; 20,000 hewers of stone (lapicidinse) ; and 
 3,300 overseers (episcopi) ; all of whom were employed for 
 seven years, and upon whom, besides their wages and diet, 
 Solomon bestowed £6,733,977 (donum Solomonis). If the 
 daily food and wages of each man be estimated at 4s. Qd., the 
 sum total will be £93,877,088. The costly stone and the tim- 
 ber in the rough may be set down as at least equal to one-third 
 of the gold, or about £2,545,296,000. The several estimates 
 will- then amount to £17,442,442,268, or $77,521,965,636. 
 
 THE NUMBER SEVEN. 
 
 'In the year 1502 there was printed at Leipsic a work en- 
 titled Heptalogium Virgilii Salsburgensis, in honor of the 
 number seven. • It consists of seven parts, each consisting of 
 seven divisions. In 1624 appeared in London a curious work 
 on the subject of numbers, bearing the following title : The 
 Secrets of Numbers, according to Theological, Arithmetical, 
 Geometrical, and Harmonical Computation ; drawn, for the 
 better part, out of those Ancients, as well as Neoteriques. 
 Pleasing to read, profitable to understand, opening themselves 
 to the capacities of both learned and unlearned; being no 
 other than a key to lead men to any doctrinal knowledge what- 
 soever. In the ninth chapter the author has given many nota- 
 ble opinions from learned men, to prove the excellency of the 
 number seven. " First, it neither begets nor is begotten, accord- 
 ing to the saying of Philo. Some numbers, indeed, within the 
 compass of ten, beget, but are not begotten ; and that is the 
 unarie. Others are begotten, but beget not ; as the octonarie. 
 Only the septenarie, having a prerogative above them all, nei- 
 ther begetteth nor is begotten. This is its first divinity or 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. 437 
 
 perfection. Secondly, this is a harmonical number, and the 
 well and fountain of that fair and lovely Digamma, because it 
 includeth within itself all manner of harmony. Thirdly, it is 
 a theological number, consisting of perfection. Fourthly, be^ 
 cause of its compositure; for it is compounded of the first two 
 perfect numbers equal and unequal, — three and four; for the 
 number two, consisting of repeated unity, which is no number, 
 is not perfect. Now, every one of these being excellent of 
 themselves, (as hath been demonstrated,) how can this number 
 be*but far more excellent, consisting of them all, and partici- 
 pating, as it were, of all their excellent virtues ?" 
 
 Hippocrates says that the septenary number by its occult 
 virtue tends to the accomplishment of all things, is the dis- 
 penser of life and fountain of all its changes ; and, like Shak- 
 speare, he divides the life of man into seven ages. In seven 
 months a child may be born and live, and not before. An- 
 ciently a child was not named before seven days, not being ac- 
 counted fully to have life before that periodical day. The teeth 
 spring out in the seventh month, and are renewed in the 
 seventh year, when infancy is changed into childhood. At 
 thrice seven years the faculties are developed, manhood com- 
 mences, and we become legally competent to all civil acts ; at 
 four times seven man is in the full possession of his strength ; 
 at five times seven he is fit for the business of the world ; at six 
 times seven he becomes- grave and wise, or never; at seven 
 times seven he is in his apogee, and from that time he decays. 
 At eight times seven he is in his first climacteric; at nine 
 times seven, or sixty-three, he is in his grand climacteric, or 
 year of danger ; and ten times seven, or threescore years and 
 ten, has, by the Royal Prophet, been pronounced the natural 
 period of human life. 
 
 In six days creation was perfected, and the seventh was con- 
 secrated to rest. On the seventh of the seventh month a holy 
 observance was ordained to the children of Israel, who feasted 
 seven days and remained seven days in rest ; the seventh year 
 was directed to be a sabbath of rest for all things ; and at the 
 
 37* 
 
438 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 end of seven times seven years commenced the grand Jubilee ; 
 every seventh year the land lay fallow; every seventh year 
 there was a general release from all debts, and all bondsmen 
 were set free. From this law may have originated the custom 
 of binding young men to seven years' apprenticeship, and of 
 punishing incorrigible offenders by transportation for seven, 
 twice seven, or three times seven years. Every seventh year 
 the law was directed to be read to the people ; Jacob served 
 seven years for the possession of Rachel, and also another 
 seven years. Noah had seven days' warning of the flood, and 
 was commanded to. take the fowls of the air into the ark by 
 sevens, and the clean beasts by sevens. The ark touched the 
 ground on the seventh month ; and in seven days a dove was 
 sent, and again in seven days after. The seven years of plenty 
 and seven years of famine were foretold in Pharaoh's dreams by 
 the seven fat and the seven lean beasts, and the seven ears of 
 full corn and the seven ears of blasted corn. The young ani- 
 mals were to remain with the dam seven days, and at the close 
 of the seventh taken away. By the old law, man was com- 
 manded to forgive his offending brother seven times ; but the 
 meekness of the last revealed religion extended his humility 
 and forbearance to seventy times seven times. " If Cain shall 
 be revenged sevenfold, truly Lamech seventy times seven." In 
 the destruction of Jericho, seven priests bore seven trumpets 
 seven days, and on the seventh day surrounded the walls seven 
 times, and after the seventh time the walls fell. Balaam pre- 
 pared seven bullocks and seven rams for a sacrifice ; Laban 
 pursued Jacob seven days' journey ; Job's friends sat with him 
 seven days and seven nights, and offered seven bullocks and 
 seven rams as an atonement for their wickedness; David, in 
 bringing up the ark, offered seven bullocks and seven rams; 
 Elijah sent his servant seven times to look for the cloud; 
 Hezekiah, in cleansing the temple, offered seven bullocks and 
 seven rams and seven he-goats for a sin-offering. The children 
 of Israel, when Hezekiah took away the strange altars, kept 
 the feast of unleavened bread seven days, and then again an- 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. 439 
 
 other seven days. King Ahasuerus had seven chamberlains, 
 a seven days' feast, and sent for the queen on the seventh day; 
 and in the seventh year of his reign she was taken to him. 
 Queen Esther had seven maids to attend her. Solomon was 
 seven years building the temple, at the dedication of which he 
 feasted seven days ; in the tabernacle were seven lamps ; seven 
 days were appointed for an atonement upon the altar, and the 
 priest's son was ordained to wear his father's garment seven 
 days ; the children of Israel ate unleavened bread seven days ; 
 Abraham gave seven ewe-lambs to Abimelech as a memorial 
 for a well ; Joseph mourned seven days for Jacob. The rab- 
 bins say God employed the power of answering this number to 
 perfect the greatness of Samuel, his name answering the value 
 of the letters in the Hebrew word, which signifies seven, — 
 whence Hannah, his mother, in her thanks, says " that the 
 barren had brought forth the seventh." In Scripture are enu- 
 merated seven resurrections, — the widow's son, by Elias ; the 
 Shunamite's son, by Elisha; the soldier who touched the bones 
 of the prophet; the daughter of the ruler of the synagogue ; 
 the widow's son of Nain ; Lazarus, and our blessed Lord. Out 
 of Mary Magdalene were cast seven devils. The apostles chose 
 seven deacons. Enoch, who was translated, was the seventh 
 after Adam, and Jesus Christ the seventy-seventh in a direct 
 line. Our Saviour spoke seven times from the cross, on which 
 he remained seven hours ; he appeared seven times ; after seven 
 times seven days he sent the Holy Ghost. In the Lord's Prayer 
 are seven petitions, expressed in seven times seven words, omit- 
 ting those of mere grammatical connection. Within this num- 
 ber are contained all the mysteries of the Apocalypse revealed* 
 to the seven churches of Asia ; there appeared seven golden 
 candlesticks and seven stars that were in the hand of Him that 
 was in the midst; seven lamps, being the seven spirits of God; 
 the book with seven seals; seven kings; seven thunders; 
 seven thousand men slain; the dragon with seven heads, and 
 the seven angels bearing seven vials of wrath; the vision of 
 Daniel seventy weeks. The fiery furnace was made seven times 
 
440 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 hotter for Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego ; Nebuchadnezzar 
 ate the grass of the field seven years. The elders of Israel 
 were seventy. There are also numbered seven heavens, seven 
 planets, seven stars, seven wise men, seven champions of Chris- 
 tendom, seven notes in music, seven primary colors, seven 
 deadly sins, seven sacraments in the Roman Catholic Church, 
 and seven wonders of the world. The seventh son was con- 
 sidered as endowed with pre-eminent wisdom; the seventh son 
 of a seventh son is still thought by some to possess the power 
 of healing diseases spontaneously. Perfection is likened to 
 gold seven times purified in the fire ; and we yet say, " you 
 frighten me out of my seven senses." There were seven chiefs 
 before Thebes. The blood was to be sprinkled seven times be- 
 fore the altar; Naaman was to be dipped seven times in Jor- 
 dan ; Apuleius speaks of the dipping of the head seven times 
 in the sea for purification. In all solemn rites of purgation, 
 dedication, and consecration, the oil or water was seven times 
 sprinkled. The house of wisdom, in Proverbs, had seven 
 pillars. 
 
 THE NUMBER THREE. 
 
 When the world was created, we find land, water, and sky ; 
 sun, moon, and stars. Noah had but three sons ; Jonah was 
 three days in the whale's belly ; our Saviour passed three days 
 in the tomb. Peter denied his Saviour thrice. There were 
 three patriarchs, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Abraham enter- 
 tained three angels. Samuel was called three times. " Simon, 
 lovest thou me V* was repeated three times. Daniel was thrown 
 into a den with three lions, for praying three times a day. 
 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were rescued from the 
 flames of the oven. The Commandments were delivered on the 
 third day. ^Tob had three friends. St. Paul speaks of faith, 
 hope, and charity, these three. Those famous dreams of the 
 baker and butler were to come to pass in three days ; and 
 Elijah prostrated himself three times on the body of the dead 
 child. Samson deceived Delilah three times before she dis- 
 covered the source of his strength. In mythology there were 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. 441 
 
 three graces ; Cerberus with his three heads ; Neptune holding 
 his three-toothed staff; the Oracle of Delphi cherished with 
 veneration the tripod ; and the nine Muses sprang from three. 
 The witches in Macbeth ask, "When shall we three meet 
 again V The Pope's tiara is triple. We have morning, noon, 
 and night; fish, flesh, and fowl; water, ice, and snow. Trees 
 group their leaves in threes; there is three-leaved clover. 
 What could be done in mathematics without the aid of the 
 triangle ? witness the power of the wedge ; and in logic three 
 propositions are indispensable. It is a common phrase that 
 " three is a lucky number." Life stands on a tripod, the feet 
 of which are the circulation, respiration, and innervation ; death 
 is therefore the result of a failure in the heart, the lungs, or the 
 brain. Finally, there is earth, heaven, and hell ; and above 
 all, the Holy Trinity. 
 
 THE NUMBER NINE. 
 
 The singular properties of the number nine are well known 
 to arithmeticians. The following is one of the most interesting. 
 If the cardinal numbers from 1 to ^ inclusive, omitting 8, be 
 used as a multiplicand, and any one of them multiplied by 9 be 
 used as a multiplier, the result will present a succession of 
 figures the same as that multiplied by the 9. For example, if 
 we wish a series of fives, we take 5 times 9, equal to 45, for 
 a multiplier : — 
 
 12345679 
 4 5 
 
 61728395 
 49382716 
 
 555555555 
 
 A similar result will be obtained by using all the other num- 
 bers, including 8 (72) ; but the 8 must in all cases be omitted 
 in the multiplicand. 
 
 CHANGES OF THE KALEIDOSCOPE. 
 
 The following curious calculation has been made of the num- 
 ber of changes which this wonderful instrument will admit :— 
 
442 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 Supposing the instrument to contain twenty small pieces ot 
 glass, &c, and that you make ten changes in each minute, it 
 will take the inconceivable space of 462,880,899,576 years and 
 360 days to go through the immense variety of changes it is 
 capable of producing, — amounting (according to our frail idea 
 of the nature of things) to an eternity, Or, if you take only 
 twelve small pieces, and make ten changes in each minute, it 
 will then take 33,264 days, or 91 years and 49 days, to exhaust 
 its variations. However exaggerated this statement may appear 
 to some, it is actually the case. 
 
 noah's ark and the great eastern steamship. 
 
 The following comparison between the size of Noah's Ark 
 and the Leviathan (Great Eastern), both being considered in 
 point of tonnage, after the old law for calculating the tonnage, 
 exhibits a remarkable similarity. The sacred cubit, as stated 
 by Sir Isaac Newton, is 20*625 English inches; by Bishop 
 "Wilkins at 21-88 inches. According to these authorities, the 
 dimensions will be as follows : — 
 
 SIR I. NEWTON. 
 
 BP. WILKINS. 
 
 GR. EASTERN. 
 
 
 Feet. 
 
 Feet. 
 
 Feet. 
 
 Length between perpendiculars 
 
 515-62 
 
 547-00 
 
 680 
 
 Breadth - 
 
 84-94 
 
 91-16 
 
 83 
 
 Depth - 
 
 51-56 
 
 54-70 
 
 60 
 
 Keel, or length for tonnage 
 
 464-08 
 
 492-31 
 
 630 
 
 Tonnage according to old law 
 
 18,231 58-94 
 
 21,761 50-94 
 
 23,092 25-94 
 
 DIVERSITY OF COLORS. 
 
 
 In a very amusing work of the celebrated Goethe, entitled 
 WinkeHmann und sein Jahrhundert, it is stated that about 
 fifteen thousand varieties of color are employed by the workers 
 of mosaic in Rome, and that there are fifty shades of each of 
 these varieties, from the deepest to the palest, thus affording 
 seven hundred and fifty thousand tints, which the artist can 
 distinguish with the greatest facility. It might be imagined 
 that with the command of seven hundred and fifty thousand 
 tints of colors, the most varied and beautiful painting could be 
 
THE FANCIES OP FACT. 443 
 
 perfectly imitated; yet this is not the case, for the mosaic- 
 workers find a lack of tints, even amid this astonishing 
 variety. 
 
 AEROLITES. 
 
 Meteoric stones, in single masses and in showers, have fallen 
 from the atmosphere at various, and in many cases uncertain, 
 periods, throughout the world. The largest of these at present 
 known is in the province of Tucuman, in South America, in 
 the midst of an extensive plain. It weighs thirty thousand 
 pounds. A mass in the Imperial Cabinet in Vienna was brought 
 from Agram, in Croatia, where it fell in 1751. It was seen by 
 the inhabitants while falling from the air, and is said to have 
 appeared like a globe of fire. Professor Pallas, in his travels 
 in Siberia, found a mass on the mountains of Kemir, weigh- 
 ing sixteen hundred and eighty pounds, which the inha- 
 bitants told him fell from the sky. About one hundred and 
 fifty miles from Bahia, in Brazil, is a mass of a crystalline tex- 
 ture weighing fourteen thousand pounds. There are also large 
 masses in West Greenland, Mexico, Peru, and South Africa. 
 The specimen in the cabinet at New Haven, weighing three 
 thousand pounds, was brought from Red River in Louisiana. 
 Showers of meteorolites, weighing from a few ounces to twenty 
 pounds, are recorded by observers as having fallen at Ensisheim, 
 in 1492 ; at Mort, in 1750 ; at Aire, in 1769 ; at Juliac, in 
 1790; at Sienna, in 1794; at Benares, in 1798; at L'Aigle, 
 in 1803 ; and at St. Germaine, in 1808. One of the most re- 
 markable instances that has occurred in this country under the 
 direct observation of eye-witnesses took place in Fairfield 
 county, Connecticut, in December, 1807, an interesting account 
 of which may be found in vol. vi. American Philosophical 
 Transactions (1809). A similar occurrence happened at Nor- 
 wich, in the same State, in 1836. 
 
 With regard to the extraordinary origin of these aerolites, or 
 meteorolites, it has been incontestably proved to be atmosphe- 
 ric, by eye-witnesses, by the similarity of their composition in 
 all cases, by the fact that though the materials thus mingled— 
 
444 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 being chiefly native iron, with small proportions of nickel, 
 silex, aluminium, magnesium, and sulphur — are well known, they 
 are never united in the same manner among the productions of 
 the globe; and further, by the fact that they are never projected 
 from terrestrial volcanoes, and that the situations in which 
 they are found are generally isolated and always on the surface 
 of the earth. 
 
 It remains, then, for the philosopher to ascertain the source of 
 this interesting portion of nature. The great difficulty of this 
 task is evident from the number and variety of the theories 
 which have been formed respecting it, and their liability to 
 serious objections. Those who hold the opinion that aerolites 
 are formed from substances floating in the atmosphere must 
 resort to the hypothesis that iron, nickel, silex, sulphur, &c. 
 are first rendered volatile, and then synthetically formed 
 into the ponderous stones which fall from above. Professor 
 Silliman remarks of this recourse to atmospheric formation 
 from gaseous ingredients, that it is a crude, unphilosophi- 
 cal conception, inconsistent with known chemical facts, and 
 physically impossible. The theory which refers these aerolites 
 to lunar volcanic origin seems to have more to recommend it. 
 La Place, the illustrious author of the Mecanique Celeste, — the 
 respect due to whose opinion no one will dispute, — maintained 
 that these meteoric stones are expelled violently from the active 
 volcanoes which telescopic research has proved to exist in great 
 numbers on the surface of the moon, and that, passing beyond 
 the limits of the attraction of our satellite, they come within the 
 influence of the earth and are drawn towards its surface. It 
 has been calculated that the power required to drive a body 
 beyond the moon's attraction would be only about four times 
 that with which a ball is expelled from a cannon with the ordi- 
 nary charge of gunpowder. However rapid a velocity of seven 
 thousand seven hundred and seventy feet per second may seem, 
 it would not require an improbable amount of mechanical 
 force. 
 
 Professor Olmsted, the American astronomer, has offered 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. 445 
 
 the most satisfactory explanation. He has shown that count- 
 less bodies, of comparatively small dimensions, cluster together 
 in vast rings, and revolve, as do the planets, around the sun ; 
 that these bodies become visible when the orbit of the earth 
 approaches their orbit; that sometimes they are entangled in 
 our atmosphere, catch fire from their enormous velocity, and 
 fall to the earth as meteoric stones. In this way the shooting 
 stars and meteors are shown to be diminutive planets, which 
 in composition and orbital motion resemble our own earth, and 
 almost fill the planetary space with their countless squadrons. 
 
 fate of America's discoverers. 
 It is remarkable how few of the eminent men of the dis- 
 coverers and conquerors of the New World died in peace. 
 Columbus died broken-hearted; Roldin and Bobadilla were 
 drowned ; Ovando was harshly superseded ; Las Casas sought 
 refuge in a cowl; Ojeda died in extreme poverty; Enciso was 
 deposed by his own men ; Nicuessa perished miserably by the 
 cruelty of his party ; Vasco Nunez de Balboa was disgracefully 
 beheaded; Narvaez was imprisoned in a tropical dungeon, and* 
 afterwards died of hardship ; Cortez was dishonored; Alvarado 
 was destroyed in ambush ; Almagro was garroted ; Pizarro was 
 murdered, and his four brothers cut off; and there was no end 
 to the assassinations and executions of the secondary chiefs 
 among the energetic and daring adventurers. 
 
 FACTS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTS. 
 
 Of the first seven Presidents of the United States, four were 
 from Virginia, two of the same name from Massachusetts,. and 
 one from Tennessee. All but one were sixty-six years old on 
 leaving office, having served two terms, and one of those who 
 served but one term would have been sixty-six years of age at 
 the end of another. Three of the seven died on the 4th of 
 July, and two of them on the same day and year. Two of them 
 were on the sub-committee of three that drafted the Declara- 
 tion of Independence; and these two died on the same day and 
 
 38 
 
446 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 year, on the anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, 
 and just half a century from the day of the Declaration. The 
 names of three of the seven end in son, yet none of them trans- 
 mitted his name to a son. The initials of the names of two of 
 the seven are the same; the initials of two others are the 
 same ; and those of still two others, the same. The remaining 
 one, who stands alone in this particular, stands also alone in the 
 love and admiration of his countrymen and of the civilized 
 world, — Washington. Of the first five, only one had a son, and 
 that son was also President. Neither of the Presidents who 
 had sons were elected for a second term. 
 
 THE CROWN OF ENGLAND. 
 
 The crown of England is a costly " bauble," bedazzled with 
 jewels enough to found three or four public charities, or a half- 
 dozen ordinary colleges. There are twenty diamonds round 
 the circle, worth $7,500 each, making $150,000 ; two large 
 centre diamonds, $10,000 each, making $20,000; fifty-four 
 smaller diamonds, placed at the angle of the former, each 
 J&500; four crosses, each composed of twenty-five diamonds, 
 $60,000 ; four large diamonds on the top of the crosses 
 $20,000; twelve diamonds contained in the fleur-de-lis, $50,000 
 eighteen smaller diamonds contained in the same, $10,000 
 pearls, diamonds, &c. upon the arches and crosses, $50,000 
 also one hundred and forty-one small diamonds, $25,000 
 twenty-six diamonds in the "upper cross, $15,500 ; two circles 
 of pearls about the rim, $15,000. The cost of the stones in 
 the crown, exclusive of the metal, is, therefore, nearly half a 
 million of dollars. 
 
 AN ARMY OF WOMEN. 
 
 In the army of the Chinese rebels, there were in 1853, in 
 Nanking alone, about half a million of women, collected from 
 various parts of the country and formed into brigades of thir- 
 teen thousand, under female officers. Of these, ten thousand 
 were picked women, drilled and garrisoned in the city; the rest 
 were compelled to undergo the drudgery of digging moats, 
 making earth- works, erecting batteries, &c. 
 
THE FANCIES OP FACT, . 447 
 
 THE STAR IN THE EAST. 
 
 Under the influence of a conjunction of Jupiter, Saturn, and 
 Mars, which took place in the year 1604, Kepler was led to 
 think that he had discovered means for determining the true 
 year of our Saviour's birth. He made his calculations, and 
 found that Jupiter and Saturn were in conjunction in the con- 
 stellation of the Fishes (a fish is the astrological symbol of 
 Judaea) in the latter half of the year of Rome 747, and were 
 joined by Mars in 748. Here then he fixed the first figure in 
 the date of our era, and here he found the appearance in the 
 heavens which induced the magi to undertake their journey, and 
 conducted them successfully on their way. Others have taken 
 up this view, freed it from astrological impurities, and shown 
 its trustworthiness and applicability in the case under consider- 
 ation. It appears that Jupiter and Saturn came together for 
 the first time on May 20th in the twentieth degree of the con- 
 stellation* of the Fishes. They then stood before sunrise in the 
 eastern part of the heavens, and so were seen by the magi. 
 Jupiter then passed by Saturn towards the north. About the 
 middle of September they were near midnight both in opposition 
 to the sun, Saturn in the thirteenth, Jupiter in the fifteenth de- 
 gree, being distant from each other about a degree and a half. 
 They then drew nearer: on October 27th there was a second con- 
 junction in the sixteenth degree, and on November 12th there 
 took place a third conjunction in the fifteenth degree of the same 
 constellation. In the last two conjunctions the interval between 
 the planets amounted to no more than a degree, so that to the 
 unassisted eye the rays of the one planet were obsorbed in those 
 of the other, and the two bodies would appear as one. The two 
 planets went past each other three times, came very near together, 
 and showed themselves all night long for months in conjunction 
 with each other, as if they would never separate again. Their 
 first union in the east awoke the attention of the magi, told 
 them the expected time had come, and bade them set off with- 
 out delay towards Judaea (the fish land). When they reached 
 
448 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 Jerusalem the two planets were once more blended together. 
 Then, in the evening, they stood in the southern part of the sky, 
 pointing, with their united rays to Bethlehem, where prophecy 
 declared the Messiah was to be born. The magi followed the 
 finger of heavenly light, and were brought to the child Jesus. 
 The conclusion in regard to the time of the advent is that our 
 Lord was born in the latter part of the year of Rome 747, or 
 six years before the common era. 
 
 A recent writer of considerable merit, Wieseler ( Chronolog. 
 Synop. der ^ Evangelien.) has applied this theory of Kepler in 
 conjunction with a discovery that he has made from some 
 Chinese astronomical tables, which show that in the year of 
 Rome 750 a comet appeared in the heavens, and was visible for 
 seventy days. Wieseler's opinion is that the conjunction of 
 the planets excited and fixed the attention of the magi, but that 
 their guiding-star was the aforesaid comet. 
 
 DIPLOMATIC COSTUME. 
 
 Dr. Franklin, it is well known, gained great praise for wear- 
 ing an ordinary plain suit, instead of a gold embroidered Court 
 costume, when formally presented to King Louis XVI. In 
 reference to this anecdote, Nathaniel Hawthorne, in his note- 
 book states that he was told by an aged lady, in England, that 
 the circumstance above mentioned arose from the fact that 
 Franklin's tailor disappointed him of his Court suit, and that he 
 wore his plain one with great reluctance, because he had no 
 other. Franklin, it is said, having by his mishap made a suc- 
 cessful impression, continued to wear his plain dress through 
 policy. Thus we have another dissipation of one of those 
 pleasant fictions which have been transmitted by the historian 
 and the painter. It is like the apocryphal story of Franklin 
 reading the prayer of Habakkuk to an assembly of French 
 infidels, who are said to have pronounced it one of the finest 
 compositions they had ever heard, and to have eagerly inquired 
 where it might be found. 
 
THE FANCIES OP FACT. 449 
 
 INSTANCES OF REMARKABLE LONGEVITY. 
 The days of our years are threescore years and ten ; and if by reason of 
 strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labor and sorrow j 
 for it is soon cut off, and we fly away. — Psalm xc. 10. 
 
 Haller has noted one thousand cases of centenarians : sixty- 
 two of from 110 to 120 years; twenty-nine of from 120 to 130; 
 and fifteen who had attained from 130 to 140 years. Beyond 
 this advanced age, well-authenticated examples of longevity are 
 very rare. The case of Henry Jenkins, the Yorkshire fisher- 
 man, who died in December, 1670, at the age of 169, is one of 
 the most remarkable. He is buried in the church of Bolton- 
 upon-Swale, where may be found a long inscription, chiefly re- 
 ferring to his humble position in life and his patriarchal age. 
 That of Thomas Parr is also well known. He was first married 
 at the age of 80, and afterwards at 122, and died in 1635, aged 
 152. He was a farmer, and up to the age of 130 was able to 
 dig, plough, and thrash. Had he continued his simple and ab- 
 stemious habits, his life would probably have been prolonged a 
 considerable period ; but the luxurious living of the court of 
 Charles I., at which his latter years were spent, occasioned a 
 plethoric condition which hastened his end. The famous Har- 
 vey dissected him after death, and found no appearance of 
 decay in any organ. 
 
 The following list of instances of very advanced age is 
 given on the authority of Prichard, Whitehurst, Bailey, and 
 others : — 
 
 Apollonius of Tyana - - A.D. 
 
 St. Patrick - 
 
 Attila - 
 
 Llywarch H§n - - - - 
 
 St. Coemgene - 
 
 St. Mongah, or Kentigern - 
 Piastus, King of Poland • 
 Countess of Desmond - 
 
 Thomas Parr - 
 Thomas Damme - 
 
 2D 33* 
 
 Died. 
 
 Age. 
 
 99 
 
 - 130 
 
 491 
 
 - 122 
 
 500 
 
 - 124 
 
 500 
 
 - 150 
 
 618 
 
 . 120 
 
 781 
 
 . 185 
 
 861 
 
 - 120 
 
 1612 
 
 . 145 
 
 1635 
 
 - 152 
 
 1648 
 
 ■ 154 
 
Died. 
 
 Age. 
 
 A.D. 1652 
 
 ■ 148 
 
 - 1656 ■ 
 
 . 152 
 
 1670 
 
 ■ 169 
 
 - 1688 ■ 
 
 . 168 
 
 1724 
 
 - 185 
 
 - 1739 ■ 
 
 . 137 
 
 1741 ■ 
 
 ■ 172 
 
 it 
 
 ■ 164 
 
 
 . 144 
 
 - 1766 
 
 ■ 146 
 
 1772 
 
 - 146 
 
 1787 
 
 - 167 
 
 - 1797 
 
 - 159 
 
 1830 
 
 - 169 
 
 - 1845 
 
 - 147 
 
 450 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 Dr. Mead, Hertfordshire 
 
 James Bowles, Kenilworth - 
 
 Henry Jenkins - 
 
 William Edwards* - 
 
 Petrarch Czartan 
 
 Margaret Patten - 
 
 John Roven - 
 
 Mrs. John Roven 
 
 John Effingham, Cornwall 
 
 Thomas Winslow, a captain of Cromwell 
 
 Draakenburg, a Dane 
 
 Jonas Warren, Ballydole 
 
 Jonas Surington, Bergen, Norway 
 
 Demetrius G-rabowsky, Poland 
 
 Bridget Devine 
 
 Czartan's biographer says of him : — He was born in the year 
 1539 and died January 5th, 1724, at Kofrosch, a village four 
 miles from Temeswar. A few days before his death, being 
 nearly 185 years old, he had walked, with the help of a stick, 
 to the post-house at Kofrosch, to ask charity from the travellers. 
 His eyes were much inflamed; but he still enjoyed a little sight. 
 His hair and beard were of a greenish white color, like mouldy 
 bread ; and he had a few of his teeth remaining. His son, who 
 was 97 years of age, declared that his father had once been a 
 head taller j that at a great age he married for the third time, 
 and that he was born in this last marriage. He was accus- 
 
 * On a long freestone slab, in Caery church, near Cardiff, Glamorgan co., 
 Wales, is the following inscription : — 
 
 Here lyeth the Body of 
 William Edwds, 
 of the Cairey who departed this life 
 February 24, Anno Domini, 1688, 
 Annoque a>tatis suae 168. 
 0, happy change ! 
 And ever blest, 
 When greefe and pain is 
 Changed to rest. 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. 451 
 
 tomed, agreeably to the rules of his religion, (Greek Church,) 
 to observe fast-days with great strictness, and never to use any 
 other food than milk, and certain cakes, called by the Hun- 
 garians collatschen, together with a good glass of brandy such 
 as is made in the country. 
 
 The Hungarian family of Roven affords an extraordinary ex- 
 ample of long life. The father attained the age of 172, the 
 wife, 164 ; they had been married 142 years, and their youngest 
 child was 115; and such was the influence of habit and filial 
 affection that this child was treated with all the severity of 
 parental rigidity, and did not dare to act without his papa's 
 and mamma's permission. 
 
 Examples of great longevity are frequent in Russia. Accord- 
 ing to an official report, there were, in 1828, in the empire, 828 
 centenarians, of whom forty had exceeded 120 years; fifteen, 
 130 ; nine, 136 ; and three, 138 years. In the government of 
 Moscow there died, in 1830, a man aged 150. In the govern- 
 ment of Kieff, an old soldier died in 1844, at the age of 153. 
 There lately died on an estate in the government of Viatka, a 
 peasant named Michael Kniawelkis, who had attained the age 
 of 137 years, 10 months, and 11 days. He was born in a vil- 
 lage of the same district, married at the age of 19, and had had, 
 by several wives, 32 children, one of whom, a daughter, is still 
 living, at the age of 100. He never had any serious illness; 
 some years before his death he complained that he could not 
 read without glasses, but to the last day he retained the use of 
 all his faculties, and was very cheerful. He frequently said 
 that he thought death had forgotten him. 
 
 In Cbina, on the contrary, such instances are rare. From a 
 census made a few years ago, we learn that out of a population 
 of 369,000,000 there were but four centenarians. 
 
 According to the census of the United States, taken in 1830, 
 there were 2,556 persons a hundred years old, or upwards. 
 The census of 1850 exhibits nearly the same number. This 
 gives one centenarian to a population of 9,000. From this 
 census we also learn that the oldest person then living iu the 
 
452 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 United States was 140. This was an Indian woman residing 
 in North Carolina. In the same State was an Indian aged 125, 
 a negro woman 111, two black slaves 110 each, one mulatto 
 male 120, and several white males and females from 106 to 
 114. In the parish of Lafayette, La., was a female, black, 
 aged 120. In several of the States there were found persons, 
 white and black, aged from 110 to 115. 
 
 There is now living in Murray county, Georgia, on the waters 
 of Holy Creek, a Revolutionary veteran, who has attained the 
 age of 135. His name is John Hames. He is known through- 
 out the region in which he lives by the appellative, " Gran' sir 
 Hames." He was born in Mecklenburg county, Virginia, and 
 was a lad 10 years old when Washington was in his cradle. 
 He was 32 when Braddock met his disastrous defeat on the 
 Monongahela. He, with a number of his neighbors, set forth 
 to join the ill-fated commander, but after several days' march 
 were turned back by the news of his overthrow. He migrated 
 to South Carolina nearly 100 years ago. He was in thirteen 
 considerable conflicts during the war of Independence, and in 
 skirmishes and encounters with Indians, with tories, and with 
 British, times beyond memory. He was with Gates at Camden, 
 with Morgan at Cowpens, with Green at Hillsboro' and Eutaw, 
 and with Marion in many a bold rush into a tory camp or red- 
 coat quarters. 
 
 At the time of the Eighth Census there were about 20,000 
 persons in the United States who were living when the Declara- 
 tion of Independence was signed in 1776. They must 
 necessarily have been more than eighty years old, in order to 
 have lived at that time. The French Census of 1851 shows 
 only 102 persons over 100 years old, — though the total 
 population was nearly 36,000,000. Old age is therefore attained 
 among us much more frequently than in France. 
 
 At Cordova, in South America, in the year of 1780, a judicial 
 inquiry was instituted by the authorities to determine the age 
 of a negress by the name of Louisa Truxo. She testified that 
 she perfectly remembered Fernando Truxo, the bishop, who gave 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 453 
 
 her as his contribution toward a university fund : he died in 
 1614. Another negress, who was known to be 120, testified 
 that Louisa was an elderly woman when she- was a child. On 
 this evidence the authorities of Cordova concluded that Louisa 
 was, as she asserted, 175 years old. 
 
 Two cases are recorded by Mr. Bailey, in his Annals of Lon- 
 gevity, which throw all these into the shade ; but the evidence 
 furnished is inadequate and unsatisfactory. One is that of an 
 Englishman, Thomas Cam, whom the parish register of Shore- 
 ditch affirms to have died in 1588, at the age of 207, having 
 paid allegiance to twelve monarchs. The other is that of a 
 Russian, — name not given, — whom the St. Petersburg Gazette 
 mentioned as having died in 1812, at an age exceeding 200. 
 
 The following in relation to Cam is copied literally from the 
 register of burials of St. Leonard's, Shoreditch : — 
 
 
 BURIALLES 
 
 
 1588. 
 
 Fol. 35. 
 
 
 Thomas Cam was buriel * 
 
 \ 22 inst. of 
 
 
 Januarye, Aged 207 
 
 yeares. 
 
 Holywell Street. 
 Geo. G-arrow, 
 
 Copy, Aug'st 25, 1832. 
 
 Parish Clerk. 
 
 In connection with the foregoing facts, it will be interesting 
 to revert to the ages of the antediluvian patriarchs : — 
 
 Adam lived 
 
 Seth - 
 
 Enos ... 
 
 Canaan 
 
 Mahalaleel - * 
 
 Jared ... 
 
 Enoch ... 
 
 Methuselah - . . 
 
 Lamech - 
 
 Noah, who lived before and after the Deluge, in all 
 
 Years. 
 
 930 
 912 
 905 
 910 
 895 
 962 
 365 
 969 
 777 
 950 
 
454 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 In Willet's Hexapla, in Leviticum, is the following re- 
 markable passage : — 
 
 Ludovicus Vives (in Aug. de Civit, Dei, lib. XV.) writeth 
 of a town in Spain, consisting of about an hundred houses, all 
 of them inhabited by the seed of one old man, then living; so 
 that the youngest of them knew not what to call him : Quia 
 lingua Hispana supra abavum non ascendit, becaues the Span- 
 ish tongue goeth no higher than the great-grandfather's father. 
 Anal Bas. Johan. Heroldus hath a pretty epigram of an aged 
 matron that lived to see her children's children to the sixth 
 degree : — 
 
 *Mater ait 2 nata9 die quod 3 sua filia 4 natam 
 • - Admoneat 5 natae plangere 6 filiolam. 
 
 The 1 Mother said, Go tell my 2 Child 
 That 3 her Girl should her * Daughter tell 
 She must now mourn (that lately smiled), 
 Her 5 Daughter's little 6 Babe's not well. 
 
 MEANS OF RECOGNITION. 
 
 When the English suite of Lord Macartney was invited to a 
 grand entertainment in China, one of them, understanding that 
 it was not expedient to venture upon every dish which appeared 
 under the guise of the native cookery, was desirous of ascertain- 
 ing how far he might venture with safety , and as the Chinese 
 waiters could understand a little English, he pointed to a dish 
 before him, and said to the attendant in an interrogative tone, 
 "Quack-quack?" meaning to inquire if it was a duck. The at- 
 tendant perfectly understood him, and immediately replied, with 
 great solemnity and sincerity, "Bow-wow!" 
 
 Rossini once unexpectedly met his old friend Sir Henry 
 Bishop, but having at the moment forgotten his name, after 
 puzzling and stammering for some time, he at length took him 
 by the hand, and sang a few bars to prove he indentified him 
 through Bishop's beautiful song, " Blow gentle gales." 
 
THE FANCIES OP FACT. 455 
 
 MARRIAGE VOW. 
 
 The matrimonial ceremony, like many others, has undergone 
 some variation in the progress of time. Upwards of three 
 centuries ago, the husband, on taking his wife by the right 
 hand, thus addressed her; "I, A. B.,undersygne thee, C. D., 
 for my wedded wyfe, for beter, for worse, for richer, for porer, 
 yn sekness, and in helthe, tyl dethe us departe, [not "do 
 part," as now erroneously rendered, departe formerly meaning 
 to separate,'] as holy churche hath ordeyned, and thereto I 
 plyght thee my trowthe." The wife replied in the same form, 
 with an additional clause, "to be buxum to thee, tyl dethe 
 us departe." So it appears in the first edition of the Missals 
 for the use of the famous and celebrated Church of Hereford, 
 1502. In the Salisbury Missal, the lady promised "to be 
 bonere [debonnair] and buxum in bedde and at the borde." 
 
 COMPOSITION IN DREAMS. 
 
 Oondorcet is said to have attained the conclusion of some 
 of his most abstruse unfinished calculations in his dreams. 
 Franklin makes a similar admission concerning some of his 
 political projects, which in his waking moments sorely puzzled 
 him. Herschel composed the following lines in a dream : — 
 "Throw thyself on thy God, nor mock him with feeble denial; 
 
 Sure of his love, and, oh ! sure of his mercy at last j 
 Bitter and deep though the draught, yet drain thou the cup of thy trial, 
 
 And, in its healing effect, smile at the bitterness past." 
 
 Goethe says in his Memoirs, "The objects which had occupied 
 my attention during the day often reappeared at night in con- 
 nected dreams. On awakening,' a new composition, or a portion 
 of one I had already commenced, presented itself to my mind." 
 Coleridge composed his poem of the Abyssinian Maid during 
 a dream. Cockburn says of Lord Jeffrey : — " He had a fancy 
 that though he went to bed with his head stuffed with the 
 names, dates, and other details of various causes, they were all 
 in order in the morning; which he accounted for by saying that 
 during sleep they all crystallized round their proper centres." 
 
456 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 FACTS ABOUT SLEEP. 
 Come sleep, sleep ! the certain knot of peace, 
 
 The baiting-place of wit, the balm of woe; 
 The poor man's wealth, the prisoner's release, 
 The impartial judge between the high and low. 
 
 Sir Philip Sidney. 
 Whilo I am asleep I have neither fear nor hope, neither trouble nor glory , 
 and blessings on him who invented sleep, the mantle that covers all human 
 thoughts; the food that appeases hunger; the drink that quenches thirst; the 
 fire tbat warms cold; the cold that moderates heat; and lastly, the general 
 coin that purchases all things ; the balance and weight that makes the shep- 
 herd equal to the king, and the simple to the wise. — Sancho Panza. 
 
 Sir Philip Sidney calls sleep " the poor man's wealth/' and, 
 he might have added, it is every man's health. Men have 
 often, according to their own notions, attempted to limit or ex- 
 tend the hours of sleep. Thus, the " immortal Alfred" of Eng- 
 land divided the day into three portions of eight hours each, 
 assigning one for refreshment and the health of the body by 
 sleep, diet, and exercise, another for business, and the third for 
 study and devotion. Bishop Taylor considered three hours', and 
 Richard Baxter four hours', sleep sufficient for any man. 
 
 " Nature requires five, 
 Custom gives seven, 
 Laziness takes nine, 
 
 And wickedness eleven." / 
 
 The error into which these and others have fallen arises not 
 only from the fact that in this, as well as in other things, every 
 man is a law to himself, but from the varying amount required 
 in each individual case at different times, depending upon the 
 amount of renovation required^ by the nervous and muscular 
 systems. John Wesley, the distinguished founder of Methodism, 
 who attained the age of eighty-eight, and who could command 
 sleep on horseback, says very properly, in some curious re- 
 marks which he has left upon sleep, that no one measure will 
 do for all, nor will the same amount of sleep suffice even for 
 the same person at all times. A person debilitated by sickness 
 requires more of " tired nature's sweet restorer" than one in 
 vigorous health. More sleep is also necessary when the strength 
 and spirits are exhausted by hard labor or severe mental efforts. 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. 457 
 
 Whatever may be the case with some few persons, of a peculiar 
 * constitution, it is evident that health and vigor can scarcely be 
 expected to continue long without six hours' sleep in the four- 
 and-twenty. Wesley adds that during his long life he never 
 knew any individual who retained vigorous health for a whole 
 year, with a less quantity of sleep than this. 
 
 It is said that women, in general, require more sleep than 
 men. This is doubtful : it is certain, at least, that women en- 
 dure protracted wakefulness better than men. The degree of 
 muscular and mental exertion to which the male is accustomed 
 would seem to indicate that a longer period of rest ought to be 
 required by him to admit of the necessary restoration of excita- 
 bility. In infancy and youth, where the animal functions are 
 extremely active, the necessity for sleep is greatest ; in mature 
 age, where time is more valued and cares are more numerous, 
 it is less indulged ; whilst the aged may be affected in two op- 
 posite ways ; they may be either in a state of almost constant 
 somnolency, or their sleep may be short and light. 
 
 There are some remarkable cases on record of deviations 
 from the customary amount of sleep, making a " bed shorter 
 than for an ordinary man to stretch himself upon, and a cover- 
 ing narrower than he can wrap himself in," capacious enough 
 for persons of very active habits in their waking hours. Many 
 persons have reached advanced age without ever having had 
 more than one or two hours' sleep out of the twenty-four. 
 There is one case of a man who, throughout his whole life, never 
 slept more than fifteen minutes at one time. General Pichegru 
 informed Sir Gilbert Blane that, in the course of his active cam- 
 paigns, he had for a whole year not more than one hour of sleep 
 in the twenty-four hours. Frederick of Prussia and Napoleon, 
 as a general thing, only devoted three or four hours to sleep. 
 
 One can scarcely conceive a more horrible mode of torture 
 than the Chinese plan of condemning criminals to death by pre- 
 venting sleep. The victim is kept awake by guards alternately 
 stationed for the purpose. His sufferings last from twelve to 
 twenty days, when death comes to his relief. 
 
 39 
 
458 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 The influence of habit in promoting or preventing sleep ia 
 remarkable. Those accustomed to the 'tranquillity of rural dis- - 
 tricts are excessively annoyed by the din of the carriages on 
 the paved thoroughfares of a large city. It is said, on the 
 other hand, that those who live near the cataracts of the Nile 
 cannot sleep at a distance from them, owing to their having 
 become accustomed to the noise, the stimulus of which upon 
 the ear they lack. Some persons can only sleep in the dark ; 
 we knew a woman who slept habitually with a candle burning 
 in her bedroom, and who invariably awoke if the light went 
 out. Some of the soldiers of Bonaparte's armj would sleep, 
 after extreme fatigue and exhaustion, on the ground by the 
 bide of a twenty-four pounder which was constantly firing. 
 Some boys slept from fatigue on board of Nelson's ship, at the 
 battle of the Nile. We have heard of a boiler-maker who 
 could go to sleep in a boiler while the workmen were constantly 
 hammering the rivets. 
 
 Sleep can persist with the exercise of certain muscles. Cou- 
 riers on long journeys nap on horseback; and coachmen, on 
 their boxes. Among the impressive incidents of Sir John 
 Moore's disastrous retreat to Corunna, in Spain, not the least 
 striking is the recorded fact that many of 'his soldiers steadily 
 pursued their march while fast asleep. Burdach, however, 
 affirms that this is not uncommon among soldiers. Franklin 
 slept nearly an hour swimming on his back. An acquaintance 
 of Dr. D., travelling with a party in North Carolina, being 
 greatly fatigued, was observed to be sound asleep in his saddle. 
 His horse, being a better walker, went far in advance of the 
 rest. On crossing a hill, they found him on the ground, 
 snoring gently. His horse had fallen, as was evident from his 
 bruised knees, and had thrown his rider on his head on a hard 
 surface, without waking him. 
 
 Animals of the lower orders obey peculiar laws in regard to 
 sleep. Fish are said to sleep soundly; and we are told by 
 Aristotle that the tench may be taken in this state, if ap- 
 proached cautiously. Many birds and beasts of prey take their 
 repose in the daytime. When kept in captivity, this habit un- 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. 459 
 
 dergoes a change, — which makes us doubt whether it was not 
 the result of necessity, which demanded that they should take 
 advantage of the darkness, silence, and the unguarded state of 
 their victims. In the menagerie at Paris, even the hyena 
 sleeps at night, and is awake by day. They all, however, seek, 
 as favoring the purpose, a certain degree of seclusion and shade, 
 with the exception of the lion, who, Burdach informs us, sleeps 
 at noonday, in the open plain ; and the eagle and condor will 
 poise themselves on the most elevated pinnacle of rock, in the 
 clear blue atmosphere and dazzling sunlight. Birds, however, are 
 furnished with a winking membrane, generally, to shelter the eye 
 from light. Fish prefer to retire to sleep under the shadow of a 
 rock or a woody bank. Of domestic animals, the horse seems to 
 require least sleep; and that he usually takes in the erect posture. 
 
 Birds that roost in a sitting posture are furnished with a 
 well-adapted mechanism, which keeps them firmly supported 
 without voluntary or conscious action. The tendon of the claws 
 is so arranged as to be tightened by their weight when the thighs 
 are bent, thus contracting closely and grasping the bough or 
 perch. In certain other animals which sleep erect, the articu- 
 lations of the foot and knee are described by Dumeril as resem- 
 bling the spring of a pocket-knife, which opens the instrument 
 and serves to keep the blade in a line with the handle. 
 
 The following calculation is interesting. Suppose one boy 
 aged ten years determines to rise at five o'clock all the year 
 round. Another of the same age, indolent and fond of ease, 
 rises at eight, or an average of eight, every morning. If they 
 both live to be seventy years old, the one will have gained over 
 the other, during the intervening period of sixty years, sixty- 
 five thousand seven hundred and forty-five hours, which is equal 
 to two thousand seven -hundred and. thirty-nine and a third days, 
 or just seven and a half years. If a similar calculation were 
 applied to the whole country, how many millions of years of 
 individual usefulness would it prove to be lost to society ! 
 
 " God bless the man who first invented sleep !" 
 
 So Sancho Panza said, and so say I! 
 And bless him, also, that he didn't keep 
 
 His great discovery to himself, or try 
 
460 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 To make it — as the lucky fellow might — 
 A close monopoly by " patent right !" 
 
 Yes — bless the man who first invented sleep, 
 (I really can't avoid the iteration;) 
 
 But blast the man, with curses loud and deep, 
 Whate'er the rascal's name, or age, or station, 
 
 Who first invented, and went round advising, 
 
 That artificial cut-off, — early rising ! 
 
 * Rise with the lark, and with the lark to bed," 
 Observes some solemn, sentimental owl : 
 
 Maxims like these are very cheaply said j 
 But ere you make yourself a fool or fowl, 
 
 Pray just inquire about their rise — and fall, 
 
 And whether larks have any beds at all ! 
 
 The " time for honest folks to be abed" 
 Is in the morning, if I reason right : 
 
 And he who cannot keep his precious head 
 Upon his pillow till it's fairly light, 
 
 And so enjoy his forty morning winks, 
 
 Is up — to knavery ; or else — he drinks ! 
 
 Thomson, who sung about the " Seasons," said 
 It was a glorious thing to rise in season j 
 
 But then he said it — lying — in his bed 
 At ten o'clock A. m., — the very reason 
 
 He wrote so charmingly. The simple fact is, 
 
 His preaching wasn't sanctioned by his practice. 
 
 'Tis, doubtless, well to be sometimes awake, — 
 Awake to duty and awake to truth ; 
 
 But when, alas ! a nice review we take 
 
 Of our best deeds and days, we find, in sooth, 
 
 The hours that leave the slightest cause to weep 
 
 Are those we passed in childhood, or — asleep ! 
 
 'Tis beautiful to leave the world a while 
 
 For the soft visions of the gentle night, 
 And free, at last, from mortal care or guile, 
 
 To live, as only in the angels' sight, 
 In sleep's sweet realms so cosily shut in, 
 Where, at the worst, we only dream of sin ! 
 So let us sleep, and give the Maker praise. 
 
 I like the lad who, when his father thought 
 To clip his morning nap by hackneyed phrase . 
 
 Of vagrant worm by early songster caught, 
 Cried, " Served him right ! — it's not at all surprising : 
 The worm was punished, sir, for early rising '" 
 
THE FANCIES OP FACT. 461 
 
 OPIUM AND EAST INDIAN HEMP. 
 
 Children of Night ! from Lethe's bourn, 
 
 Ye come to weave the oblivious vei], 
 And on the wretched and forlorn 
 
 To bid your sweet illusions steal. — Fracastoro> 
 
 There is nothing in nature more curious and inexplicable 
 than the influence on the circulating fluids, and through these on 
 the brain and its functions, of various narcotic drugs. Among 
 these, opium, and Cannabis Indica, or East Indian hemp, 
 occupy the most prominent place. No reflective person can 
 look into the writings of Coleridge, De Quincey, or Bayard 
 Taylor, each of whom has experienced the effects of these 
 drugs in his own person, and graphically described his sensa- 
 tions, thoughts, feelings, and dreams while under their influ- 
 ence, without being struck with awe and astonishment at the 
 modifying and disturbing influences which these substances 
 exert upon that mysterious connection which exists between 
 the mind and the material medium through which it manifests 
 itself. Take the following, for example, from the Confessions 
 of an English Opium-Eater, which, not only for grandeur of 
 description, but for psychological interest, is unsurpassed by 
 any thing in the English language. 
 
 "The dream commenced with a music which now I often heard 
 in dreams, — a music of preparation and of awakening suspense ; 
 a music like the opening of the Coronation Anthem, and which, 
 like that, gave the feeling of a vast march — of infinite caval- 
 cades filing off, and the tread of innumerable armies. The 
 morning was come of a mighty day — a day of crisis and of 
 final hope for human nature, then suffering some mysterious 
 eclipse and laboring in some dread extremity. Somewhere, I 
 knew not where — somehow, I knew not how — by some beings, 
 I knew not whom — a battle, a strife, an agony, was conducting, 
 — was evolving like a great drama, or piece of music; with 
 which my sympathy was the more insupportable from my con- 
 fusion as to its place, its cause, its nature, and its possible 
 issue. I, as is usual in dreams, (where, of necessity, we make 
 
 39* 
 
462 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 ourselves central to every movement,) had the power, and yet 
 had not the power, to decide it. I had the power, if I could 
 raise myself, to will it; and yet again had not the power, for 
 the weight of twenty Atlantics was upon me, or the oppression 
 of inexpiable guilt. 
 
 " ' Deeper than ever plummet sounded/ I lay inactive. Then, 
 like a chorus, the passion deepened. Some greater interest was at 
 stake, — some mightier cause than ever yet the sword had 
 pleaded or trumpet had proclaimed. Then came sudden 
 alarms; hurryings to and fro; trepidations of innumerable 
 fugitives — I knew not whether from the good cause or the bad ; 
 darkness and lights ; tempest and human faces ; and, at last, 
 with the sense that all was lost, female forms, and the features 
 that were worth all the world to me, and but a moment allowed 
 — and clasped hands, and heart-breaking partings, and then 
 everlasting farewells ! and, with a sigh such as the caves of hell 
 sighed when the incestuous mother uttered the abhorred name 
 of death, the sound was reverberated, — everlasting farewells ! 
 and again, and yet again, reverberated, — everlasting farewells ! 
 And I awoke in struggles, and cried aloud, ' I will sleep no 
 
 more J 
 
 v » 
 
 De Quincey took laudanum for the first time to dispel pain, 
 and he thus describes the effect it had upon him: — "But I 
 took it, and in an hour, oh, heavens ! what a revulsion ! what 
 an upheaving, from its lowest depths, of the inner spirit ! what 
 an apocalypse of the world within me ! That my pains had 
 vanished was now a trifle in my eyes. This negative effect was 
 swallowed up in the immensity of those positive effects which 
 had opened before me, — in the abyss of divine enjoyment thus 
 suddenly revealed. Here was a panacea, — a <pap/xazov vsxevOeq 
 for all human woes. Here was the secret of happiness, about 
 which philosophers had disputed for so many ages, at once dis- 
 covered! Happiness might now be bought for a penny and 
 carried in the waistcoat-pocket; portable ecstasies might be 
 had corked up in a pint bottle ; and peace of mind could be 
 sent down in gallons by the mail-coach/' 
 
THE FANCIES OP PACT. 463 
 
 Dr. Madden describes more soberly his sensations when un 
 der the influence of the drug in one of the coffee-houses at Con- 
 stantinople. "I commenced with one grain. In the course of 
 an hour and a half it produced no perceptible effect. The 
 coffee-house keeper was very anxious to give me an additional 
 pill of two grains, but I was contented with half a one; and in 
 another half-hour, feeling nothing of the expected revery, I 
 took half a grain more, making in all two grains in the course 
 of two hours. After two hours and a half from the first dose, 
 my spirits became sensibly excited : the pleasure of the sensa- 
 tion seemed to depend on a universal expansion of mind and 
 matter. My faculties appeared enlarged ; every thing I looked 
 at seemed increased in volume; I had no longer the same 
 pleasure when I closed my eyes which I had when they were 
 open ; it appeared to me as if it was only external objects 
 which were acted on by the imagination and magnified into 
 images of pleasure : in short, it was the ' faint, exquisite music 
 of a dream' in a waking moment. I made my way home 
 as fast as possible, dreading at every step that I should com- 
 mit some extravagance. In walking, I was hardly sensible of 
 my feet touching the ground : it seemed as if I slid along the 
 street impelled by some invisible agent, and that my blood was 
 composed of some ethereal fluid, which rendered my body 
 lighter than air. I got to bed the moment I reached home. 
 The most extraordinary visions of delight filled my brain all 
 night. In the morning I rose pale and dispirited; my head 
 ached ; my body was so debilitated that I was obliged to re- 
 main on the sofa all day, dearly paying for my first essay at 
 opiuin-eating." 
 
 These after-effects are the source of the misery of the opium- 
 eater. The exciting influence of the drug is almost invariably 
 followed by a corresponding degression. The susceptibility to 
 external impressions and the muscular energy are both lessened. 
 A desire for repose ensues, and a tendency to sleep. The mouth 
 and throat also become dry;, the thirst is increased; hunger 
 diminishes; and the bowels usually become torpid. 
 
464 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 When large doses are taken, all the above effects are has- 
 tened and heightened in proportion. The period of depression 
 comes on sooner ; the prostration of energy increases to actual 
 stupor, with or without dreams ; the pulse becomes feeble, the 
 muscles exceedingly relaxed ; and, if enough has been taken, 
 death ensues. 
 
 Of course, all these effects are modified by the constitution of 
 the individual, by the length of time he has accustomed him- 
 self to take it, and by the circumstances in which he is placed. 
 But upon all persons, and in all circumstances, its final effects, 
 like those of ardent spirits taken in large and repeated doses, 
 are equally melancholy and degrading. "A total attenuation 
 of body," says Dr. Oppenheim, " a withered, yellow counte- 
 nance, a lame gait, a bending of the spine, frequently to such 
 a degree as to assume a circular form, and glassy, deep-sunken 
 eyes, betray the opium-eater at the first glance. The digestive 
 organs are in the highest degree disturbed : the sufferer eats 
 scarcely any thing, and has hardly one evacuation in a week. 
 His mental and bodily powers are destroyed : he is impotent." 
 
 The influence upon the mental faculties of Haschisch, or 
 East Indian hemp, when taken in large doses, is no less extra- 
 ordinary than that of opium. 
 
 That accomplished traveller, Bayard Taylor, when in Damas- 
 cus, " prompted," as he says, " by that insatiable curiosity 
 which led him to prefer the acquisition of all lawful knowledge 
 through the channel of his own experience," was induced to 
 make a trial of this drug. Not knowing the strength of the 
 preparation he employed, he found himself, shortly after taking 
 the second dose, more thoroughly and completely under the 
 influence of the drug than was either pleasant or safe. 
 
 Speaking of the effects of the stronger dose, he says, " The 
 same fine nervous thrill of which" I have spoken suddenly shot 
 through me. But this time it was accompanied with a burning 
 sensation at the pit of the stomach ; and, instead of growing 
 upon me with the gradual pace of healthy slumber, and re- 
 solving me, as before, into air, it came with the intensity of a 
 
THE FANCIES OP FACT. 465 
 
 pang, and shot throbbing along the nerves to the extremities 
 of rny body. The sense of limitation — the confinement of our 
 senses within the bounds of our own flesh and blood — instantly 
 fell away. The walls of my frame were burst outward, and 
 tumbled into ruin; and, without thinking what form I wore,— 
 losing sight even of all idea of form, — I felt that I existed 
 throughout a vast extent of space. The blood pulsed from my 
 heart, sped through uncounted leagues before it reached my 
 extremities ; the air drawn into my lungs expanded into seas 
 of limpid ether ; and the arch of my skull was broader than the 
 vault of heaven. Within the concave that held my brain were 
 the fathomless deeps of blue ; clouds floated there, and the 
 winds of heaven rolled them together ; and there shone the orb 
 of the sun. It was — though I thought not of that at the time 
 — like a revelation of the mystery of Omnipresence'* 
 
 EFFECTS OF FEAR. 
 
 It is a common practice, in many parts of India, to oblige 
 persons suspected of crimes to chew dry rice in presence of 
 the officers of the law. Curious as it may appear, such is 
 the intense influence of fear on the salivary glands, that, if they 
 are actually guilty, there is no secretion of saliva in the mouth, 
 and chewing is impossible. Such culprits generally confess 
 without any further efforts. On the contrary, a consciousness 
 of innocence allows of a proper flow of fluid for softening the 
 rice. 
 
 Many of our readers are familiar with the case of the thief to 
 whom, in common with other suspected persons, a stick of a 
 certain length was given, with the assurance that the stick of 
 the thief would grow by supernatural power. The culprit, ima- 
 gining that his stick had actually increased in length, broke a 
 piece off, and was thus detected. A similar anecdote is told of 
 a farmer who detected depredations on his corn-bin by calling 
 his men together and making them mix up a quantity of 
 feathers in a sieve, assuring them, at the same time, that the 
 feathers would infallibly stick to the hair of the thief. After 
 2E 
 
466 THE FANCIES OP FACT. 
 
 a short time, one of the men raised his hand repeatedly to his 
 head, and thus betrayed himself. 
 
 A Parisian physician, during his visits made in a hired fly, 
 had received a bottle of real Jamaica rum as a sample, but 
 found, after returning home, that he had left it in the carriage. 
 He went to the office, and informed the manager that he had 
 left a virulent poison in one of the carriages, and desired him 
 to prevent any of the coachmen from drinking it. Hardly had 
 he got back when he was summoned in great haste to three of 
 these worthies, who were suffering from the most horrible colic; 
 and great was his difficulty in persuading them that they had 
 only stolen some most excellent rum. 
 
 One of the most singular examples on record of the effect of 
 fear acting through the imagination is given by Breschet, a 
 French author of the sixteenth century, who informs us that 
 the physicians at Montpellier, which was then a great school of 
 medicine, had every year two criminals, the one living, the other 
 dead, delivered to them for dissection. On one occasion they de- 
 termined to try what effect the mere expectation of death would 
 produce upon a subject in perfect health; and in order to carry 
 out the experiment they told the gentleman (for such was his 
 rank) who was placed at their discretion, that, as the easiest 
 mode of taking away his life, they would employ the means 
 which Seneca had chosen for himself, and would therefore open 
 his veins in warm water. Accordingly they covered his face, 
 pinched his feet, without lancing them, and set them in a foot- 
 bath, and then spoke to each other as if they saw that the 
 blood was flowing freely, and life departing with it. The man 
 remained motionless ; and when, after a while, they uncovered 
 his face, they found him dead. 
 
 FACIAL EXPRESSION. 
 
 The facial nerve, which presides over the movements of the 
 face, gives to the physiognomy its different expressions so as to re- 
 flect the passions and emotions of the soul. To prove this experi- 
 mentally, Charles Bell took the most cunning and impressionable 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. 467 
 
 monkey he could find in the menagerie of Exeter Change, and 
 divided its facial nerve on one side. Excited by pain, the poor 
 monkey made faces with tenfold energy, but exactly and solely 
 with one side of his face, while the other remained perfectly 
 impassible. 
 
 Of course, no one would repeat this experiment on man ; but 
 nature sometimes takes the whim to make such a curiosity. 
 All who saw the unfortunate monkey were struck with the 
 strange analogy which its features presented with those of a 
 comic actor then much in vogue in London, who could repro- 
 duce all sorts of expressions and mirror every passion with one 
 side of his face, while he kept the other side in a state of per- 
 fect immobility. The experiment of Charles Bell gave the key 
 to the enigma. The mimic was the victim of a facial hemi- 
 plegia, from some accident to the facial nerve ; and he had the 
 shrewdness to make people believe that voluntary which he 
 could not prevent, and thus to profit by an otherwise mortify • 
 ing affliction. 
 
 A BROKEN HEART. 
 
 The following interesting case of a literally broken heart was 
 related by a late distinguished medical professor of Philadel- 
 phia, to his class, while lecturing upon the diseases of the 
 heart. It will be seen, on perusing it, that the expression 
 " broken-hearte'd" is not merely figurative. 
 
 In the early part of his career, Dr. Mitchell accompanied, as 
 surgeon, a packet that sailed between Liverpool and one of our 
 Southern ports. On the return-voyage, soon after leaving 
 Liverpool, while the doctor and the captain of the vessel, a 
 weather-beaten son of Neptune, but possessed of uncommonly 
 fine feelings and strong impulses, were conversing in the 
 latter* s state-room, the captain opened a large chest, and care- 
 fully took out a number of articles of various descriptions, 
 which he arranged upon a table. Dr. M., surprised at the dis- 
 play of costly jewels, ornaments, dresses, and all the varied 
 paraphernalia of which ladies are naturally fond, inquired of 
 
468 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 the captain Lis object in having made so many valuable pur- 
 chases. The sailor, in reply, said, that for seven or eight years 
 he had been devotedly attached to a lady, to whom he had 
 several times made proposals of marriage, but was as often re- 
 jected; that her refusal to wed him, however, had only stimu- 
 lated his love to greater exertion ; and that finally, upon re- 
 newing his offer, declaring in the ardency of his passion that, 
 without her society, life was not worth living for, she consented 
 to become his bride upon his return from his next voyage. He 
 was so overjoyed at the prospect of a marriage from which, in 
 the warmth of his feelings, he probably anticipated more happi- 
 ness than is usually allotted to mortals, that he spent all his 
 ready money, while in London, for bridal gifts. After gazing 
 at them fondly for some time, and remarking on them in turn, 
 "I think this will please Annie/' and "I am sure she will like 
 that," he replaced them with the utmost care. This ceremony 
 he repeated every day during the voyage; and the doctor often 
 observed a tear glisten in his eye as he spoke of the pleasure 
 he would have in presenting them to his affianced bride. On 
 reaching his destination, the captain arrayed himself with more 
 than his usual precision, and disembarked as soon as possible, 
 to hasten to his love. As he was about to step into the car- 
 riage awaiting him, he was called aside by two gentlemen who 
 desired to make a communication, the purport of which was 
 that the lady had proved unfaithful to the trust reposed in 
 her, and had married another, with whom she had decamped 
 shortly before. Instantly the captain was observed to clap his 
 hand to his breast and fall heavily to the ground. He was 
 taken up, and conveyed to his room on the vessel. Dr. M. was 
 immediately summoned ; but, before he reached the poor cap- 
 tain, he was dead. A post-mortem examination revealed the 
 cause of his unfortunate decease. His heart was found literally 
 torn in twain ! The tremendous propulsion of the blood, con- 
 sequent upon such a violent nervous shock, forced the powerful 
 muscular tissues asunder, and life was at an end. The heart 
 was broken. 
 
THE FANCIES OP FACT. 469 
 
 SENSATION AND INTELLIGENCE AFTER DECAPITATION. 
 
 While some physiologists are of opinion that death by be« 
 heading is attended with less actual pain than any other man- 
 ner of death, and is, therefore, the most humane mode of dis- 
 embarrassing society of a villain, others contend, and adduce 
 an equally formidable array of facts to show, that intense agony 
 is experienced, after decollation, in both the head and the 
 body, and that death by the guillotine, so far from being easier 
 than hanging, is one of the most painful known. Whatever 
 may really be the sensations attendant upon the separation of 
 the head from the body, we have, at least, some curious facts, 
 which throw a little light on the subject. 
 
 It is related that a professor of physiology at Genoa, who 
 has made this interesting subject his particular study, states 
 that, having exposed two heads, a quarter of an hour after de- 
 collation, to a strong light, the eyelids closed suddenly. The 
 tongue, which protruded from the lips, being pricked with a 
 needle, was drawn back into the mouth, and the countenance 
 expressed sudden pain. The head of a criminal named Tillier 
 being submitted to examination after the guillotine, the eyes 
 turned in every direction from whence he was called by name. 
 
 Fontenelle declares that he has frequently seen the heads of 
 guillotined persons move their lips, as if they were uttering 
 remonstrances against their cruel treatment. If this be so, 
 there is nothing very incredible in the report, sometimes treated 
 as fabulous, that when the executioner gave a blow on the face 
 of Charlotte Corday after the head was severed from the body, 
 the countenance expressed violent indignation. 
 
 It is stated on credible authority that some galvanic experi- 
 ments were once tried on the body of a habitual snuff-taker, 
 after he had undergone the operation of being guillotined. On 
 receiving the first shock, the headless trunk joined its thumb 
 and fore-finger, and deliberately raised its right arm, as if in 
 the act of taking its customary pinch, and seemed much asto- 
 nished and perplexed at finding no nose to receive its wonted 
 tribute ! 
 
 40 
 
470 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 But the most marvellous tale is told of Sir Everard Digby. 
 who was beheaded in 1606 for being concerned in the famous 
 Gunpowder Plot. After the head was struck off, the execu- 
 tioner proceeded, according to the barbarous usages of the day, 
 to pluck the heart from his body; and when he had done so, he 
 held it up in full view of the numerous assemblage gathered 
 round the scaffold to witness the exhibition, and shouted, with 
 a loud voice, This is the heart of a traitor! Upon which, the 
 head, which was quietly resting on the scaffold, at the distance 
 of a few feet, showed sundry signs of indignation, and, opening 
 its mouth, audibly exclaimed, "That is a lie!" 
 
 The reader will be reminded, by this case of the EDglish 
 knight, of the conjurer in the Arabian Nights, who, in conse- 
 quence of a failure in his necromancy, was decapitated by the 
 order and in the presence of the Sultan. The head of the sor- 
 cerer, after separation from his body, sat erect upon the floor, 
 and, with a mysterious expression of countenance, informed his 
 highness that as he rather thought he should have no further 
 occasion for his books of magic, he would make a present of 
 them to him ; and since he could not very well go to fetch them 
 himself, if his highness would take the trouble to send for 
 them, he would instruct him in their use. On being brought, 
 he told the Sultan it was first necessary for him to turn over 
 *cvery leaf in the books from the beginning to the end. But 
 he found it was impossible to do this, as they stuck together, 
 without often wetting his fingers at his mouth. This infused 
 into the monarch's veins a subtle and virulent venom, as the 
 books were poisoned, in consequence of which he died very 
 soon in torture, overwhelmed with the taunts and curses of the 
 decapitated head. 
 
 A case occurred some years ago at Ticonderoga, N. Y., which 
 settles the question of pain, so far as the body is concerned, 
 and proves that no sensations whatever can exist in the body 
 after its connection with the brain is dissolved. It was re- 
 ported at the time in the Boston Medical and Surgical Journal, 
 as follows : — 
 
THE FANCIES OP FACT. 471 
 
 E. D., aged fifty, a man of hale constitution and robust, in 
 making an effort to scale a board fence, was suddenly precipi- 
 tated backwards to the ground, striking first upon the supe- 
 rior and anterior portion of the head, which luxated the 
 dentatus anteriorly on the third cervical vertebra. He was at 
 length discovered, and taken in (as the patient said) after he 
 had lain nearly an hour, in a condition perfectly bereft of volun- 
 tary motion ; but, being present, I did not suspect that the 
 power of sensation was also gone, until the patient (whose 
 speech remained almost, or quite, perfect, and who was uncom- 
 monly loquacious at that time) said, did he not know to the 
 contrary, he should think that he had no body. His flesh was 
 then punctured, and sometimes deeply, even from the feet to 
 the neck ; but the patient gave no evidence of feeling, and, 
 when interrogated, answered that he felt nothing; and, added 
 he, " I never was more perfectly free from pain in my life;" 
 but he remarked that he could not live, and accordingly sent 
 for his family, twelve miles distant, and arranged all his various 
 concerns in a perfectly sane manner. 
 
 The head was thrown back in such a position as to prevent 
 his seeing his body. The pulse. was much more sluggish than 
 natural. Respiration and speech, but slightly affected, were 
 gradually failing; but he could articulate distinctly until 
 within a few minutes of his death. All the senses of the head 
 remained quite perfect to the last. He died forty-eight hours 
 after the fall. 
 
 Repeated attempts were made to reduce the dislocation, but 
 the transverse processes had become so interlocked that every 
 effort proved abortive. There was undoubtedly in this case a 
 perfect compression of the spinal marrow, which prevented the 
 egress of nervous influence from the brain, while the pneumo- 
 gastric nerve remained unembarrassed. 
 
 ANTIPATHIES. 
 
 Antipathies are as various as they are unaccountable, and 
 often in appearance ridiculous. Yet who can control them, or 
 
472 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 reason himself into a conviction that they are absurd ? They 
 are, in truth, natural infirmities or peculiarities, and not fantas- 
 tical imaginings. In the French "Ana" we find mention of 
 a lady who would faint on seeing boiled lobsters ; and several 
 persons are mentioned, among them Mary de Medicis, who 
 experienced the same inconvenience from the smell of roses, 
 though particularly partial to the odor of jonquils and hya- 
 cinths. Another is recorded who invariably fell into convul- 
 eions at the sight of a carp. Erasmus, although a native of 
 Rotterdam, had such an aversion to fish of any kind that the 
 smell alone threw him into a fever. Ambrose Pare mentions 
 a patient of his who could never look at an eel without falling 
 into a fit. Joseph Scaliger and Peter Abono could neither of 
 them drink milk. Cardan was particularly disgusted at the sight 
 of eggs. Ladislaus, King of Poland, fell sick if he saw an apple ; 
 and if that fruit was exhibited to Chesne, secretary to Francis I., 
 a prodigious quantity of blood would issue from his nose. Henry 
 III. of France could not endure to sit in a room with a cat, 
 arid the Duke of Schomberg ran out of any chamber into which 
 one entered. A gentleman in the court of the Emperor Fer- 
 dinand would bleed at the nose even if he heard the mewing 
 of the obnoxious animal, no matter at how great a distance. 
 M. de l'Ancre, in his Tableau de V Inconstance de Toutes 
 Glioses, gives an account of a very sensible man, who was so 
 terrified on seeing a hedgehog that for two years he imagined 
 his bowels were gnawed by such an animal. In the same book 
 we find an account of an officer of distinguished bravery who 
 never dared to face a mouse, it would so terrify him, unless he 
 had his sword in his hand. M. de TAncre says he knew the 
 individual perfectly well. There are some persons who cannot 
 bear to see spiders, and others who eat them as a luxury, as 
 they do snails and frogs. M. Vangheim, a celebrated hunts- 
 man in Hanover, would faint outright, or, if he had sufficient 
 time, would run away, at the sight of a roast pig. The philo- 
 sopher Chrysippus had such an aversion to external reverence, 
 that, if any one saluted him, he would involuntarily fall down. 
 
THE FANCIES OP FACT. 473 
 
 Valerius Maximus says that this Chrysippus died of laughing 
 at seeing an ass eat figs out of a silver plate. John Rol, a gen- 
 tleman of Alcantara, would swoon on hearing the word lana 
 (wool) pronounced, although his cloak was made of wool. 
 Lord Bacon fainted at every eclipse of the moon. Tycho Brahe 
 shuddered at the sight of a fox ; Ariosto, at the sight of a bath ; 
 and Caesar trembled at the crowing of a cock. 
 
 STRANGE INSTANCE OF SYMPATHY. 
 
 The Duke de Saint Simon mentions in his Memoires a singu- 
 lar instance of constitutional sympathy existing between two 
 brothers. These were twins, — the President de Banquempre, 
 and the Governor de Bergues, who were surprisingly alike, not 
 only in their persons, but in their feelings. One morning, he 
 tells us, when the President was at the royal audience he was 
 suddenly attacked by an intense pain in the thigh : at the same 
 instant, as it was discovered afterwards, his brother, who was 
 with the army, received a severe wound from a sword on the 
 same leg, and precisely the same part of the leg ! 
 
 WALKING? BLINDFOLDED. 
 
 The difficulty of walking to any given point blindfolded can 
 only be conceived by those who have made the experiment. 
 After wandering about in every possible direction, now east, 
 now west, at one time forward, at another time backward, 
 working for a while at the zigzag, then shooting out like an 
 arrow from a bow, and not unfrequently describing a complete 
 circle like a miller's horse, the party is generally a thousand 
 times more likely to end his travels at the spot from which he 
 set out, than at the spot to which he wished to go. The follow- 
 ing achievement presents as extraordinary an exception to the 
 general experience on this head, as perhaps ever occurred : — 
 
 Dennis Hendrick, a stone-mason, for a wager of ten guineas, 
 walked from the Exchange in Liverpool, along Deal Street, to 
 the corner of Byrom Street, — being a distance of three-quarters 
 of a mile, — blindfolded, and rolling a coach-wheel. On starting, . 
 
 40* 
 
474 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 there were two plasters of Burgundy pitch put on his eyes, and 
 a handkerchief tied over them, to prevent all possibility of his 
 seeing. He started precisely at half-past seven in the morn- 
 ing, and completed his undertaking at twenty minutes past 
 eight, being in fifty minutes. 
 
 FELINE CLOCKS. 
 
 M. Hue, in his recent work on the Chinese Empire, tells us 
 that " one day, when we went to pay a visit to some families 
 of Chinese Christian peasants, we met, near a farm, a young 
 lad, who was taking a buffalo to graze along our path. We 
 asked him carelessly, as we passed, whether it was yet noon. 
 The child raised his head to look at the sun ; but it was hidden 
 behind thick clouds, and he could read no answer there. 'The 
 sky is so cloudy/ said he ; ' but wait a moment j 1 and with 
 these words he ran towards the farm, and came back a few mo- 
 ments afterward with a cat in his arms. ' Look here/ said 
 he, ' it is not noon yet/ and he showed us the cat*s eyes, by 
 pushing up the lids with his hands. We looked at the child 
 with surprise, but he was evidently in earnest ; and the cat, 
 though astonished, and not much pleased at the experiment 
 made on her eyes, behaved with the most exemplary complai- 
 sance. ' Very well/ said we : 'thank you/ and he then let 
 go the cat, who made her escape pretty quickly, and we con- 
 tinued our route. To say the truth, we had not at all under- 
 stood the proceeding; but we did not wish to question the little 
 pagan, lest he should find out that we were Europeans by our 
 ignorance. As soon as we reached the farm, however, we made 
 haste to ask our Christians whether they could tell the clock by 
 looking into a cat's eyes. They seemed surprised at the ques- 
 tion ; but, as there was no danger in confessing to them our 
 ignorance of the properties of the cat's eyes, we related what 
 had just taken place. That was all that was necessary. Our 
 complaisant neophytes immediately gave chase to all the cats 
 in the neighborhood. They brought us three or four, and ex- 
 plained in what manner they might be made use of for watches. 
 
THE FANCIES OF FACT. 475 
 
 They pointed out that the pupil of their eyes went on constantly 
 growing narrower until twelve o'clock, when they became like 
 a fine line, as thin as a hair, drawn perpendicularly across the 
 eye, and that after twelve the dilatation recommenced. When 
 we had attentively examined the eyes of all the cats at our dis- 
 posal, we came to the conclusion that it was past noon, as all 
 the eyes perfectly agreed upon the point." 
 
 DEVONSHIRE SUPERSTITION. 
 
 The following case of gross superstition, which occurred 
 lately in one of the largest market-towns in the north of 
 Devon, is related by an eye-witness : — 
 
 A young woman living in the neighborhood of Holsworthy, 
 having for some time past been subject to periodical fits of ill- 
 ness, endeavored to effect a cure by attending at the afternoon 
 service at the parish church, accompanied by thirty young men, 
 her near neighbors. Service over, she sat in the porch of the 
 church, and each of the young men, as they passed out in suc- 
 cession, dropped a penny into her lap ; but the last, instead of 
 a penny, gave her half a crown, taking from her the twenty- 
 nine pennies which she had already received. With this half- 
 crown in her hand, she walked three times round the com- 
 munion-table, and afterwards had it made into a ring, by the 
 wearing of which she believes she will recover her health. 
 
 A SKULL THAT HAD A TONGUE. 
 
 When Dr. John Donne, the famous poet and divine of the 
 reign of James I., attained possession of his first living, he took 
 a walk into the churchyard, where the sexton was at the time 
 digging a grave, and in the course of his labor threw up a 
 skull. This skull the doctor took in his hands, and found a 
 rusty headless nail sticking in the temple of it, which he drew 
 out secretly and wrapped in the corner of his handkerchief. 
 He then demanded of the grave-digger whether he knew whose 
 skull that was. He said it was a man's who kept a brandy- 
 shop, — an honest, drunken fellow, who one night, having taken 
 
476 THE FANCIES OF FACT. 
 
 two quarts, was found dead in his bed next morning. " Had 
 he a wife?" "Yes." "What character does she bear?" "A 
 very good one : only the neighbors reflect on her because she 
 married the day after her husband was buried." This was 
 enough for the doctor, who, under the pretence of visiting his 
 parishioners, called on the woman : he asked her several ques- 
 tions, and, among others, what sickness her husband died of. 
 She gave him the same account he had before received, where- 
 upon he suddenly opened the handkerchief, and cried, in an au- 
 thoritative voice, " Woman, do you know this nail ?" She was 
 struck with horror at the unexpected demand, instantly owned 
 the fact, and was brought to trial, and executed. Truly might 
 one say, with even more point than Hamlet, that the skull had 
 a tongue in it. 
 
 ROMANTIC HIGHWAYMAN. 
 
 In a letter to Mr. Mead, preserved among that gentleman's 
 papers in the British Museum, and dated February 3, 1625, is 
 the following account of a singular highwayman : — 
 
 Mr. Clavell, a gentleman, a knight's eldest son, a great mail 
 and highway robber, was, together with a soldier, his com- 
 panion, arraigned and condemned on Monday last, at the 
 Kind's Bench bar : he pleaded for himself that he never had 
 struck or wounded any man, never taken any thing from their 
 bodies, as rings, &c, never cut their girths or saddles, or done 
 them, when he robbed, any corporeal violence. He was, with 
 his companion, reprieved ; he sent the following verses to the 
 king for mercy, and hath obtained it : — 
 
 I that have robbed so oft am now bid stand ; 
 
 Death and the law assault me, and demand 
 
 My life and means : I never used men so, 
 
 But, having ta'en their money, let them go. 
 
 Yet, must I die ? and is there no relief? 
 
 The King of kings had mercy on a thief ! 
 
 So may our gracious king, too, if he please, 
 
 Without his council grant me a release; 
 
 God is his precedent, and men shall see 
 
 His mercy go beyond severity. 
 
SINGULAR CUSTOMS. 
 
 477 
 
 Singular (Rnxtoms. 
 
 MEMENTO MORI. 
 
 The ancient Egyptians, at their grand festivals and parties 
 of pleasure, always had a coffin placed on the table at meals, 
 containing a mummy, or a skeleton of painted wood, which, He- 
 rodotus tells us, was presented to each of the guests with this 
 admonition :— " Look upon this, and enjoy yourself; for such 
 will you become when divested of your mortal garb." This 
 custom is frequently alluded to by Horace and Catullus ; and 
 Petronius tells us that at the celebrated banquet of Trimalcion 
 a silver skeleton was placed on the table to awaken in the 
 minds of the guests the remembrance of death and of de- 
 ceased friends. 
 
 BEAUTIFUL SUPERSTITION. 
 
 Among the superstitions of the Seneca Indians was one re- 
 markable for its singular beauty. When a maiden died, they 
 imprisoned a young bird until it first began to try its powers 
 of song, and then, loading it with messages and caresses, they 
 loosed its bonds over her grave, in the belief that it would not 
 fold its wing nor close its eyes until it had flown to the spirit- 
 land and delivered its precious burden of affection to the loved 
 and lost. 
 
 STRANGE FONDNESS FOR BEAUTY. 
 
 In Carazan, a province to the northeast of Tartary, the in- 
 habitants have a custom, says Dr. Heylin, when a stranger of 
 handsome shape and fine features comes into their houses, of 
 killing him in the night, — not out of desire of spoil, or to eat 
 his body, but that the soul of such a comely person might re- 
 main among them. 
 
478 SINGULAR CUSTOMS. 
 
 THE FOUNDATIONS OP DRUIDICAL TEMPLES. 
 
 There is a curious tradition both of St. Patrick in Ireland, 
 and of St. Columba in Iona, that when they attempted to found 
 churches they were impeded by an evil spirit, who threw down 
 the walls as fast as they were built, until a human victim was 
 sacrificed and buried under the foundation, which being done, 
 they stood firm. 
 
 It is to be feared that there is too much truth in this story. 
 Not, of course, that such a thing was done by either a Christian 
 Patrick or Columba, but by the Druids, from whom the story 
 was fathered upon the former. Under each of the twelve pillars 
 of one of the Druidical circular temples in Iona a human body 
 was found to have been buried. 
 
 ABYSSINIAN BEEFSTEAKS. 
 
 Mr. Bruce, the Abyssinian traveller, has frequently been 
 ridiculed for asserting that it is a practice in Abyssinia to cut 
 slices from the backs of their cattle while alive, and then drive 
 them back to pasture ; but his statements have been confirmed 
 by more recent travellers. Mr. Salt says that a soldier belong- 
 ing to the party to which he was attached took one of the cows 
 they were driving before them, cut off two pieces of flesh from 
 the glutsei muscles of the buttock, near the tail, and then sewed 
 up the wound, plastering it over with manure, after which the 
 party proceeded to cook the steaks. 
 
 OSTIAK REGARD FOR BEARS. 
 
 Tooke, in his work on Russia, tells us of a strange custom 
 that prevails among the Ostiaks, — a Finnish nation. The Os- 
 tiaks, says he, believe that bears enjoy after death a happiness 
 at least equal to that which they expect for themselves. When- 
 ever they kill one of these animals, therefore, they sing songs 
 over him, in which they ask his pardon, and hang up his skin, 
 to which they show many civilities and pay many fine compli- 
 ments, in order to induce him not to wreak his vengeance upon 
 them in the abode of spirits. 
 
SINGULAR CUSTOMS. „ 479 
 
 MAKING NOSES. 
 
 At Kat Kangra, a place visited by the traveller Vigne, at 
 the base of the Himalaya, there are native surgeons, celebrated 
 for putting on new noses. The maimed come a great distance 
 for repairs. When it is recollected that the rajahs cut off ears 
 and noses without stint, it may be readily supposed that these 
 surgeons have plenty of patients. The hope of a restoration of 
 the nasal organ brings them from remote distances. To all in- 
 tents and purposes, it is done like the Taliacotian operation in 
 our hospitals, — by taking a flap of integument from the fore- 
 head. With very simple instruments, and a little cotton wool 
 besmeared with pitch, to keep the parts together, the success is 
 sufficient to extend the reputation of the rude operators. 
 
 LION-CATCHING IN SOUTH AFRICA. 
 
 Mr. Lemue, who formerly resided at Motito, and is familiar 
 with the Kallibari country, assures us that the remarkable ac- 
 counts sometimes circulated as to the people of that part of 
 Africa catching lions by the tail — of which, one would naturally 
 be incredulous — were perfectly true. Lions would sometimes be- 
 come extremely dangerous to the inhabitants. Having become 
 accustomed to human flesh, they would not willingly eat any 
 thing else. When a neighborhood became infested, the men 
 would determine on the measures to be adopted to rid them- 
 selves of the nuisance ; then, forming themselves into a band, 
 they would proceed in search of their royal foe, and beard the 
 lion in his lair. Standing close by one another, the lion would 
 make his spring on some one of the party, — every man, of 
 course, hoping he might escape the attack, — when instantly 
 others would dash forward and seize his tail, lifting it up close 
 to the body with all their might ; thus not only astonishing the 
 animal, and absolutely taking him off his guard, but rendering 
 his efforts powerless for the moment; while others closed in 
 with their spears, and at once stabbed the monster through and 
 through. 
 
480 * SINGULAR CUSTOMS. 
 
 HIGH LIFE IN THE FIFTEENTH CENTURY. 
 
 We gain the following glimpse of the manners of the upper 
 classes in England, four hundred years ago, from the Journal 
 of Elizabeth Woodville, subsequently Lady Grey, and finally' 
 Queen of Edward IV. Royalty in petto seems to have taken, 
 with a most refreshing cordiality, to the avocations of baking 
 'and brewing, pig-tending, poultry-feeding, and pony-catching. 
 
 Monday morning. — Rose at 4 o'clock, and helped Catharine to milk the 
 cows. Rachel, the dairy-maid, having scalded her hand in so had a man- 
 ner the night before, made a poultice, and gave Robin a penny to get some- 
 thing from the apothecary. 
 
 6 o'clock. — The buttock of beef too much boiled, and beer a little stale ; 
 (mem, to talk to the cook about the first fault, and to mend the other myself 
 by tapping a fresh barrel immediately.) 
 
 7 o'clocIe.-r-Went to walk with the lady my mother in the court-yard ; fed 
 twenty-five men and women ; chid Roger severely for expressing some ill 
 will at attending us with some broken meat. 
 
 8 o'clock. — Went into the paddock behind the house with my maid Doro- 
 thy ; caught Thump, the little pony, myself; rode a matter of ten miles 
 without saddle or bridle. 
 
 10 o'clock. — Went to dinner. John Grey, a most comely youth; but what 
 is that to me ? a virtuous maid should be entirely under the direction of her 
 parents. John ate but little, and stole a great many tender glances at me. 
 Said women could never be handsome in his eyes who were not good-tem- 
 pered. I hope my temper. is not intolerable: nobody finds fault with it but 
 Roger, and he is the most disorderly youth in our house. John Grey likes 
 white teeth : my teeth are a pretty good color. I think my hair is as black 
 as jet, — though I say it; and John Grey, if I mistake not, is of the same 
 opinion. 
 
 11 o'clock. — Rose from the table; the company all desirous of walking in 
 the field. John Grey lifted me over every stile, and twice squeezed my 
 hand with much vehemence. I cannot say I should have much objection, 
 for he plays at prison-bar as well as any of the country gentlemen, is re- 
 markably dutiful to his parents, my lord and lady, and never misses church 
 on Sunday. 
 
 3 o'clock. — Poor Farmer Robinson's house burned down by accidental 
 fire. John Grey proposed a subscription among the company for the relief 
 of the farmer, and gave no less than four pounds with this benevolent 
 intent. (Mem. never saw him look so comely as at this moment.) 
 
 4 o'clock. — Went to prayers. 
 
 6 o'clock. — Fed hogs and poultry. 
 
SINGULAR CUSTOMS. 481 
 
 HAIR IN SEALS. 
 
 Stillingfleet, referring to a MS. author who wrote a chronicle 
 of St. Augustine, says : — 
 
 He observes one particular custom of the Normans, that they 
 were wont to put some of the hair of their heads or beards 
 into the wax of their seals-: I suppose rather to be kept as 
 monuments, than as adding any strength or weight to their 
 charters. So he observes that some of the hair of William, 
 Earl of Warren, was in his time kept in the Priory of Lewis. 
 
 SCORNING THE CHURCH. 
 
 In North Durham, it is customary, in case that the banns 
 of marriage are thrice published, and the marriage does not 
 take place, for the refusing party, whether male or female, to 
 pay forty shillings to the vicar as a penalty for scorning the 
 church. 
 
 MATRIMONIAL ADVERTISEMENT. • 
 
 The following strange advertisement from an old newspaper 
 
 exhibits one of the customs of rural life in England more than 
 
 a century ago : — 
 
 May no miscarriage 
 Prevent my marriage ! 
 
 Matthew Dowson, in Bothell, Cumberland, intends to be married at 
 Holm Church, on the Thursday before Whitsuntide next, whenever that 
 may happen — and to return to Bothell to dine. 
 
 Mr. Reed gives a turkey to be roasted ; William Elliot gives a hen to be 
 roasted ; Edward Clement gives a fat lamb to be roasted ; Joseph Gibson 
 gives a fat pig to be roasted ; William Hughes gives a fat calf to be roasted. 
 
 And in order that all this roast may be well basted — do you see ? — Mary 
 Pearson, Betty Hughes, Mary Bushby, Molly Fisher, Sarah Briscoe, and 
 Betty Porthoust, give, each of them, a pound of butter. The advertiser will 
 provide every thing else suitable for so festive an occasion : and he hereby 
 gives notice to all young women desirous of changing their condition, that 
 he is at present disengaged, and he advises them to consider that although 
 there may be luck in leisure, yet, in this case, delays are dangerous ; for 
 with him, he is determined that it shall be — first come, first served. 
 
 So come along, lasses who wish to be married — 
 Mattie Dowson is vexed that so long he has tarried. 
 2F 41 
 
48-2 
 
 FACETIAE. 
 
 jfacette. 
 
 TITLES FOR THE LIBRARY DOOR, CHATSWORTH. 
 
 The Duke of Devonshire found it necessary to construct a 
 door of sham books for an entrance to the library of Chats- 
 worth. He was tired of the hackneyed Plain Dealings, Essays 
 on Wood, Perpetual Motion, etc., on such doors, and asked 
 
 Thomas Hood to give him some new titles, 
 selections from his amusing list : — 
 
 McAdam's Views in Rhodes. 
 
 Pygmalion. By Lord Bacon. 
 
 Dante's Inferno ; or, Descriptions of 
 Van Demon's Land. 
 
 Tadpoles ; or, Tales out of my Own 
 Head. 
 
 Designs for Friezes. By Sir John 
 Franklin. 
 
 Recollections of Bannister. By Lord 
 Stair. 
 
 Ye Devill on Two-Styx (Black Let- 
 
 Malthus' Attack of Infantry, [ter). 
 
 The Life of Zimmerman. By Him- 
 
 Boyle on Steam. [self. 
 
 Book-Keeping by Single Entry. 
 
 Rules for Punctuation. By a tho- 
 rough-bred Pointer. 
 
 On the Site of Tully's Offices. 
 
 Cornaro on Longevity and the Con- 
 struction of 74's. 
 
 The following are 
 
 Cursory Remarks on Swearing. 
 
 Shelley's Conchologist. 
 
 On Sore Throat and the Migration of 
 the Swallow. By Abernethy. 
 
 The Scottish Boccaccio. By D. Ca- 
 meron. 
 
 Chronological Account of the Date 
 
 Percy Vere. In 40 vols. [Tree. 
 
 In-i-go on Secret Entrances. 
 
 Cook's Specimens of the Sandwich 
 
 Peel on Bell's System. [Tongue. 
 
 Lamb's Recollections of Suett. 
 
 Blaine on Equestrian Burglary; or 
 The Breaking-in of Horses. 
 
 The Rape of the Lock, with Bra- 
 mah's Notes. 
 
 Kosciusko on the Right of the Poles 
 to stick up for themselves. 
 
 Haughty-cultural Remarks on Lon- 
 don Pride. 
 
 THE JESTS OF HIEROCLES. 
 
 A young man, meeting an acquaintance, said, " I heard that 
 you were dead." "But," says the other, "you see me alive." 
 " I do not know how that may be," replied he: " you are a no- 
 torious liar ; but my informant was a person of credit." 
 
 A man wrote to a friend in Greece, begging him to purchase 
 books. From negligence or avarice, he neglected to execute 
 
FACETS. 483 
 
 the commission ; but, fearing that his correspondent might be 
 offended, he exclaimed, when next they met, " My "dear friend, 
 I never got the letter you wrote to me about the books." 
 
 An irritable man went to visit a sick friend, and asked him 
 concerning his health. The patient was so ill that he could not 
 reply ; whereupon the other, in a rage, said, " I hope that I 
 may soon fall sick, and then I will not answer you when you 
 visit me." 
 
 A speculative gentleman, wishing to teach his horse to live 
 without food, starved him to death. " I suffered a great loss," 
 said he, "for just as he learned to live without eating, he 
 died." 
 
 A robust countryman, meeting a physician, ran to hide behind 
 a wall : being asked the cause, he replied, " It is so long since 
 I have been sick, that I am ashamed to look a physician in the 
 face." 
 
 A curious inquirer, desirous to know how he looked when 
 asleep, sat with closed eyes before a mirror. 
 
 A man, hearing that a raven would live two hundred years, 
 bought one to try. 
 
 One of twin brothers died : a fellow, meeting the survivor, 
 asked, u Which is it that's dead, you or your brother ?" 
 
 A man who had to cross a river entered a boat on horse- 
 back : being asked why, he replied, " I must ride, because I 
 am in a hurry." 
 
 A foolish fellow, having a house to sell, took a brick from the 
 wall to exhibit as a sample. 
 
 A man, meeting a friend, said, " I spoke to you last night in 
 a dream." "Pardon me," replied the other; " I did not hear 
 
 you." 
 
 A man that had nearly been drowned while bathing, declared 
 that he would never enter the water again till he had learned 
 to swim. 
 
 A student in want of money sold his books, and wrote 
 home, " Father, rejoice ; for I now derive my support from 
 literature." 
 
484 FAdETIiE. 
 
 During a storm, the passengers on board a vessel that ap- 
 peared in danger seized different implements to aid them in 
 swimming; and one of the number selected for this purpose the 
 anchor. 
 
 A wittol, a barber, and a bald-headed man travelled together. 
 Losing their way, they were forced to sleep in the open air; 
 and, to avert danger, it was agreed to keep watch by turns. The 
 lot fell first on the barber, who, for amusement, shaved the 
 fool's head while he slept; he then woke him, and the fool, 
 raising his hand to scratch his head, exclaimed, " Here's a 
 pretty mistake ! Rascal, you have waked the bald-headed man 
 instead of me." 
 
 A gentleman had a cask of fine wine, from which his servant 
 stole a large quantity. When the master perceived the defi- 
 ciency, he diligently inspected the top of the cask, but could 
 find no traces of an opening. "Look if there be not a hole in 
 the bottom/' said a bystander. "Blockhead," he replied, "do 
 you not see that the deficiency is at the top, and not at the 
 bottom V 
 
 BREVITY. 
 
 The London member of the house of Rothschild once wrote 
 to his Paris correspondent to ascertain if any alteration had 
 occurred in the price of certain stocks. The inquiry was only 
 a simple 
 
 9 
 
 - The reply was equally brief : — 
 
 o 
 
 Mr. McNair, a man of few words, wrote to his nephew at 
 Pittsburg the following laconic letter : — 
 Dear Nephew, 
 
 To which the nephew replied, by return of mail,— 
 Dear Uncle, 
 
 The long of this short was, that the uncle wrote to his 
 
FACETIAE. 485 
 
 nephew, See my coal on, which a se-mi-col-on expressed ; and 
 the youngster informed his uncle that the coal was shipped, by 
 simply saying, Col-on. 
 
 When Lord Buckley married a rich and beautiful lady, whose 
 hand had been solicited at the same time by Lord Powis, in the 
 height of his felicity he wrote thus to the Duke of Dorset : — 
 
 Dear Dorset : — I am the happiest dog alive ! Buckley, 
 answer : 
 
 Dear Buckley : — Every dog has his day. Dorset. 
 
 Louis XIV., who loved a concise style, one day met a priest 
 on the road, whom he asked, hastily, — 
 
 " Whence came you — where are you going — what do vou 
 want?" 
 
 The priest instantly replied, — 
 
 " From Bruges — to Paris — a benefice." 
 
 " You shall have it/' replied the king. 
 
 A Jady having occasion to call upon Abernethy, the great 
 surgeon, and knowing his repugnance to any thing like verbo- 
 sity, forbore speaking except simply in reply to his laconic in- 
 quiries. The consultation, during three visits, was conducted 
 in the following manner : — 
 
 First Day. — (Lady enters and holds out her finger.) Aber- 
 nethy.—" Cut V Lady.—" Bite." A.—" Dog ?" L.— 
 " Parrot." A. — " Go home and poultice it." 
 
 Second Day. — (Finger held out again.) A. — "Better?" 
 L. — "Worse." A.—" Go home and poultice it again." 
 
 Third Day.— (Finger held out as before.) A. — " Better ?" 
 L. — " Well." A. — " You're the most sensible woman I ever 
 met with. Good-bye. Get out." 
 
 Since Caesar's famous " veni, vidi, vici," (I came, I saw, I 
 conquered,) many military commanders have rendered their 
 despatches memorable for pith and conciseness j but Sir Sid- 
 ney Smith bears the palm for both wit and brevity in his an- 
 nouncement of the capture of Scinde:— "Peccavi"' (I have 
 sinned). Gen. Havelock's « We are in Lucknow" has already 
 become a matter of history. 
 
 41* 
 
486 FACETLffi. 
 
 The following jeu d } esprit, written in 1793, was occasioned 
 by the circumstance of Lord Howe returning from his pursuit 
 of the French fleet, after an absence of six weeks, during which 
 he had only seen the enemy, without having been able to over- 
 take and bring them to action : — 
 
 When Caesar triumphed o'er his Gallic foes, 
 
 Three words concise his gallant acts disclose ; 
 
 But Howe, more brief, comprises his in one, 
 
 And vidi tells us all that he has done. 
 
 If brevity is the soul of wit, Talleyrand was the greatest of 
 wits. A single word was often sufficient for his keenest retort. 
 When a hypochondriac, who had notoriously led a profligate life, 
 complained to the diplomatist that he was enduring the tor- 
 ments of hell, — u Je sens les tourmens de l'enfer," — the answer 
 was, "Deja?" (Already?) To a lady who had lost her hus- 
 band Talleyrand once addressed a letter of condolence in two 
 words : — " 0, Madame !" In less than a year the lady had mar- 
 ried again; and then his letter of congratulation was, "Ah, 
 Madame !" Could any thing be more wittily significant than 
 the " 0" and the " Ah" of this sententious correspondence ? 
 
 SAME JOKE DIVERSIFIED. 
 
 Prince Metternich once requested the autograph of Jules 
 Janin. The witty journalist sent him the following : — 
 
 " I acknowledge the receipt from M. de Metternich of twenty 
 bottles of Johannisberg, for which I return infinite thanks. 
 
 " Jules Janin." 
 
 The prince, in return, doubled the quantity, and sent him 
 forty bottles. 
 
 This is equal to the joke of Rochester on the occasion of 
 Charles II.'s crew of rakes writing pieces of poetry and hand- 
 ing them to Dry den, so that he might decide which was the 
 prettiest poet. Rochester finished his piece in a few minutes; 
 and Dryden decided that it was the best. On reading it, the 
 lines were' found to be the following : — 
 
 " I promise to pay, to the order of John Dryden, twenty 
 pounds. — Rochester." 
 
FACETIAE. 437 
 
 The following hyperbolical compliment paid to Louis XIV., 
 after his numerous victories, is almost literally translated from 
 the French of a Gascon author of those days, and, extraordi- 
 nary as it may seem, is said to have obtained for the writer of 
 it the premium alluded to iD his gasconade : — 
 
 To him whose muse in lofty strains 
 Shall blazon Louis' famed campaigns 
 
 And every great exploit, 
 Belongs the prize of twenty pounds : — 
 What ! only twenty ! Blood and wounds ! 
 
 For each 'tis scarce a doit.* 
 
 The Emperor Nicholas of Russia was thus "sold," a few 
 years ago. During an interview which Martineff, the come- 
 dian and mimic, had succeeded in obtaining with the Prince, 
 (Volkhonsky, high steward,) the emperor walked into the room 
 unexpectedly, yet with a design, as was soon made evident. 
 Telling the actor that he had heard of his talents and should 
 like to see a specimen of them, he bade him mimic the 'old 
 minister. This feat was performed with so much gusto that 
 the emperor laughed immoderately, and then, to the great hor- 
 ror of the poor actor, desired to have himself "taken off." 
 " 'Tis physically impossible," pleaded Martineff. " Non- 
 sense !" said Nicholas : " I insist on its being done." Finding 
 himself on the horns of a dilemma, the mimic took heart of 
 grace, and, with a promptitude and presence of mind that pro- 
 bably saved him, buttoned his coat over his breast, expanded 
 his chest, threw up his head, and, assuming the imperial port to 
 the best of his power, strode across the room and back ; then, 
 stopping opposite the minister, he cried, in the exact tone and 
 manner of the Czar, "Volkhonsky ! pay Monsieur Martineff 
 one thousand silver roubles." The emperor for a moment was 
 disconcerted; but, recovering himself with a faint smile, he 
 ordered the money to be paid. 
 
 * The following inscription on a medal of Louis XIV. illustrates the ser- 
 vile adulation of that period : — 
 
 See in profile great Louis here designed ! 
 
 Both eyes portrayed would strike the gazer blind. 
 
488 FACETIAE. 
 
 OLD NICK. 
 
 When Nicholas Biddle was President of the United States 
 Bank, there was an old negro hanger-on about the premises 
 named Harry. One day, in a social mood, Biddle said to the 
 darkey, " Well what is your name, my old friend?" "Harry, sir 
 — ole Harry, sir," said the other, touching his shabby hat. 
 " Old Harry!" said Biddle, "why that is the name that they 
 give to the devil, is it not?" " Yes, sir," said the colored gentle- 
 man, "sometimes ole Harry and sometimes ole Nick." 
 
 SYLLOGISM. 
 
 The famous sorites or syllogism of Themistocles was: That 
 his infant son commanded the whole world, proved thus : — 
 My infant son rules his mother. 
 His mother rules me. 
 I rule the Athenians. 
 The Athenians rule the Greeks. 
 The Greeks rule Europe. 
 And Europe rules the world. 
 
 A FALSE FRIEND. 
 
 "You may say what you please," said Bill Muggins, speaking 
 of a deceased CQmrade, " Jake was a good boy, he was, and a great 
 hunter; but he was the meanest man that ever breathed in Old 
 Kentuck ; and he played one of the sharpest tricks you ever 
 heard of, and I'll tell you how it was. I was out shootin' with 
 him one mornin'. I tell you the duck was plenty; and other 
 game we despised as long as we could see duck. Jake he was 
 too mean to blaze away unless he could shoot two or three at a 
 shot. He used to blow me up for wastin' shot and powder so, 
 but I didn't care — I banged away. Well, somehow or other, 
 while fussin' around the boat, my powder-flask fell overboard in 
 about sixteen feet of water, which was as clear as good gin, and 
 I could see the flask lay at the bottom. Jake was a good 
 swimmer, and a good diver, and he said he'd fetch her up; so in 
 a minit he was in. Well, I waited quite a considerable time 
 for him to come up ; then I looked over the side for him. Great 
 Jerusalem ! there sot old Jake on a pile of oyster-shells pourin' 
 the powder out of my flask into his'n. Wasn't that mean?" 
 
FACETIJE. 489 
 
 GASCONADE AND HOAXING. 
 
 A Gascon, in proof of his nobility, asserted that in his 
 father's castle they used no other firewood than the batons of 
 the different marshals of France of his family. 
 
 A Gascon officer, on hearing of the boastful exploits of a cer- 
 tain prince, who, among other things, had killed six men with 
 his own hands in the course of an assault upon a city, said, dis- 
 dainfully, " Poh, that's nothing : the mattress I sleep on is 
 stuffed with nothing but the whiskers of those I have sent to 
 the other world." 
 
 Vernon's skill in the invention of marvellous stories has 
 never been surpassed, even by the peddlers of wooden nutmegs. 
 Talking one day about the intense heat of the sun in India, he 
 remarked that it was a common thing there for people to be 
 charred to powder by a coup de soleil, and that upon one occa- 
 sion, while dining with a Hindoo, one of his host's wives waa 
 suddenly reduced to ashes, whereupon the Hindoo rang the bell, 
 and said to the attendant who answered it, " Bring fresh 
 glasses, and sweep up your mistress*' 
 
 Another of his stories was this. He happened to be shoot- 
 ing hyenas near Carthage, when he stumbled, and fell down an 
 abyss of many fathoms' depth. He was surprised, however, to 
 find himself unhurt; for he lighted as if on a feather bed. 
 Presently he perceived that he was gently moved upward ; and, 
 having by degrees reached the mouth of the abyss, he again 
 stood safe on terra firma. He had fallen upon an immense 
 mass of bats, which, disturbed from their slumbers, had risen 
 out of the abyss and brought him up with them. 
 
 CHARLES MATHEWS AND THE SILVER SPOON. 
 
 Soon after Mathews went from York to the Haymarket Thea- 
 tre, he was invited with other performers to dine with Mr. 
 
 A , afterwards an eminent silversmith, but who at that 
 
 period followed the business of a pawnbroker. It so happened 
 
 that A was called out of the parlor, at the back of the 
 
 shop, during dinner. Mathews, with wonderful celerity, alter 
 
490 FACETIAE. 
 
 ing his hair, countenance, hat, &c, took a large gravy-spoon 
 off the dinner-table, ran instantly into the street, entered one 
 of the little dark doors leading to the pawnbroker's counter, 
 and actually pledged to the unconscious A his own gravy- 
 spoon. Mathews contrived with equal rapidity to return and 
 
 seat himself (having left the street-door open) before A 
 
 reappeared at the dinner-table. As a matter of course, this 
 was made the subject of a wager. An dclaircissement took 
 place before the party broke up, to the infinite astonishment 
 of A . 
 
 A ROYAL QUANDARY. 
 
 On the first consignment of Seidlitz Powders to the capital 
 of Delhi, the monarch was deeply interested in the accounts of 
 the refreshing beverage. A box was brought to the king in 
 full court, and the interpreter explained to his majesty how it 
 was to be used. Into a goblet he put the contents of the 
 twelve blue papers ; and, having added water, the king drank 
 it off. This was the alkali, and the royal countenance exhibited 
 no sign of satisfaction. It was then explained that in the 
 combination of the two powders lay the luxury; and the 
 twelve white powders were quickly dissolved in water, and as 
 eagerly swallowed by his majesty. With a shriek that will 
 never be forgotten, the monarch rose, staggered, exploded, and, 
 in his agony, screamed, " Hold me down!" Then, rushing from 
 the throne, he fell prostrate on the floor. There he lay during 
 the long-continued effervescence of the compound, spirting like 
 ten thousand pennyworths of imperial pop, and believing 
 himself in the agonies of death, a melancholy and convincing 
 proof that kings are mortal. 
 
 RELICS. 
 
 "What is this V* said a traveller, who entertained reason- 
 able doubts as to the genuineness of certain so-called relics of 
 antiquity, while visiting an old cathedral in the Netherlands : 
 " what is contained in this phial V* 
 
FACETS. 491 
 
 " Sir," replied the sacristan, " that phial contains one of the 
 frogs picked up when Pharaoh was visited with the plague of 
 frogs." 
 
 "I am sure, then," rejoined the traveller, "there could have 
 been no epicures in those days." 
 
 "Why so " said the sacristan. 
 
 " Because they would have eaten him, he is so large and fat." 
 
 The traveller took up another phial which was near. " This 
 contains?'' said he, — 
 
 " That is a most precious relic of the church, which we value 
 very highly." 
 
 " It looks very dark." 
 
 " There is good reason for that." 
 
 " I am somewhat curious. Tell me why." 
 
 "You perceive it is very dark." 
 
 "I own it." 
 
 "That, sir, is some of the darkness which Moses spread over 
 the land of Egypt." 
 
 " Indeed ! I presume, what the moderns call darkness made 
 
 ASSOCIATION OF IDEAS. 
 
 " Mother," asked a little girl, while listening to the reading 
 of Uncle Tom's Cabin, "why don't the book never mention 
 Topsy's last name? I have tried to hear it whenever it speaks 
 of her, but it has not once said it." 
 
 "Why, she had no other name, my child." 
 
 "Yes she had, mother, and I know it." 
 
 "Well, what was it?" 
 
 " Why Turvy— Topsy Turvy." 
 
 "You had better go to bed, my dear," said the mother. 
 " You are as bad as your old grandmother, for she can't say 
 pork without beans, for the life of her." 
 
 P. AND Q. 
 
 When it was fully expected that Mr. W , whose unmanage- 
 able voice had obtained for him the title of "Bubble and 
 
492 FACETIAE. 
 
 Squeak/' would be elected Speaker of the House of Commons, 
 and Mr. Canning was so informed, he observed that if th« 
 report were true, the members must mind their P's and Q's; 
 or else, instead of saying "Mr. Speaker/' they would say "Mr. 
 Squeaker!" 
 
 "JACK ROBINSON." 
 
 Lord El don relates that during the parliamentary debates on 
 the India Bill, when Mr. John Robinson was Secretary to the 
 Treasury, Sheridan, on one evening when Fox's majorities were 
 decreasing, said, "Mr. Speaker, this is not at all to be wondered 
 at, when a member is employed to corrupt everybody in order 
 to obtain votes." Upon this there was a great outcry by 
 almost everybody in the house. "Who is it?" "Name him! 
 Name him!" "Sir," said Sheridan to the Speaker, "I shall 
 not name the person. It is an unpleasant and invidious thing 
 to do so ; and, therefore, I shall not name him. But don't suppose, 
 Sir, that I abstain because there is any difficulty in naming 
 him; I could do that, Sir, as soon as you could say 'Jack 
 Robinson.' " 
 
 A RUSSIAN JESTER AND HIS JOKES. 
 
 Popular traditions in Russia unite in representing the jester 
 Balakireff as the constant attendant of Peter the Great, who 
 figures largely in all the stories attached to the name of his 
 buffoon. 
 
 On one occasion Balakireff begged permission of his imperial 
 master to attach himself to the guard stationed at the palace, 
 and Peter, for the sake of the joke, consented — warning him at 
 the same time that any officer of the guard who happened to 
 lose his sword, or to be absent from his post when summoned, 
 was punished with death. The newly-made officer promised to 
 do his best; but the temptation of some good wine sent to his 
 quarters that evening by the Czar, "to moisten his commission/' 
 proved too strong for him; and he partook so freely as to 
 become completely "screwed." While he was sleeping off his 
 
FACETS. 493 
 
 debauch, Peter stole softly into the room, and carried off his 
 sword. Ealakireff missing it on awakening, and frightened 
 out of his wits at the probable consequences, could devise no 
 better remedy than to replace the weapon with his own profes- 
 sional sword of lath, — the hilt and trappings of which were 
 exactly similar to those of the guardsmen. Thus equipped, he 
 appeared on parade the next morning, confident in the assurance 
 of remaining undetected, if not forced to draw his weapon. 
 But Peter, who had doubtless foreseen this contingency, 
 instantly began storming at one of the men for his untidy 
 appearance, and at length faced round upon Balakireff with the 
 stern order, " Captain Balakireff, draw your sword and cut that 
 sloven down!" 
 
 The poor jester, thus brought fairly to bay, laid his hand on 
 his hilt as if to obey, but at the same time exclaimed fervently, 
 "Merciful Heaven! let my sword be turned into wood!" 
 
 And drawing the weapon, he exhibited in very deed a harm- 
 less lath. Even the presence of the Emperor was powerless to 
 check the roar of laughter which followed, and Balakireff was 
 allowed to escape. 
 
 The jester's ingenuity occasionally served him in extricating 
 others from trouble as well as himself. A cousin of his, having 
 fallen under the displeasure of the Czar, was about to be exe- 
 cuted; and Balakireff presented himself at Court to petition 
 for a reprieve. Peter, seeing him enter, and at once divining 
 his errand, shouted to him: "It's no use your coming here; I 
 swear that I will not grant what you are going to ask !" 
 
 Quick as thought, Balakireff dropped on his knees, and ex- 
 claimed, " Peter Alexejevitch, I beseech you put that scamp of 
 a cousin of mine to death !" 
 
 Peter, thus caught in his own trap, had no choice but to 
 laugh, and send a pardon to the offender. 
 
 During one of the Czar's Livonian campaigns, a thick fog 
 greatly obstructed the movements of the army. At length a 
 pale watery gleam began to show itself through the mist, and 
 
 42 
 
494 FACETLE. 
 
 two of the Russian officers fell to disputing whether this were 
 the sun or not. Balakireff, happening to pass by at that 
 moment, they appealed to him to decide. " Is that light yonder 
 the sun, brother?" 
 
 "How should I know," answered the jester; "I've never 
 been here before !" 
 
 At the end of the same campaign, several of the officers 
 were relating their exploits, when Balakireff stepped in among 
 them. "I've got a story to tell, too," cried he, boastfully; "a 
 better one than any of yours !" 
 
 " Let us hear it, then," answered the officers ; and Balakireff 
 began, — 
 
 " I never liked this way of fighting, all in a crowd together, 
 which they have nowadays ; it seems to me more manly for 
 each to stand by himself; and therefore I always went out 
 alone. Now it chanced that one day, while reconnoitering 
 close to the enemy's outposts, I suddenly espied a Swedish 
 soldier lying on the ground, just in front of me. There was 
 not a moment to lose ; he might start up and give the alarm. 
 I drew my sword, rushed upon him, and at one blow cut off 
 his right foot !" 
 
 " You fool !" cried one of the listeners, " you should rather 
 have cut off his head !" 
 
 " So I would," answered Balakireff, with a grin, " but some- 
 body else had done that already !" 
 
 At times Balakireff pushed his waggeries too far, and gave 
 serious offense to his formidable patron. On one of these 
 occasions the enraged Emperor summarily banished him from 
 the Court, bidding him " never appear on Russian soil again." 
 The jester disappeared accordingly; but a week had hardly 
 elapsed when Peter, standing at his window, espied his dis- 
 graced favorite coolly driving a cart past the very gates of the 
 palace. Foreseeing some new jest, he hastened down, and 
 asked with pretended roughness, " How dare you disobey me, 
 when I forbade you to show yourself on Russian ground V 
 
THE FLASHES OF REPARTEE. 495 
 
 " I haven't disobeyed you," answered Balakireff, coolly ; 
 " I'm not on Russian ground now !" 
 
 " Not on Russian ground ?" 
 
 " No ; this cart-load of earth that I'm sitting on is Swedish 
 soil. I dug it up in Finland only the other day 1" 
 
 Peter, who had doubtless begun already to regret the loss of 
 his jester, laughed at the evasion, and restored him to favor. 
 Some Russian writers embellished this story (a German version 
 of which figures in the adventures of Tyll Eulenspiegel) wi£h 
 the addition that Peter, on hearing the excuse, answered, " If 
 Finland be Swedish soil now, it shall be Russian before long" — 
 a threat which he was not slow to fulfill. 
 
 Curran, being angry in a debate one day, put his hand on 
 his heart, saying : " I am the trusty guardian of my own honor." 
 "Then," replied Sir Boyle Roche, "I congratulate my honor- 
 able friend on the snug sinecure to which he has appointed 
 himself." 
 
 On one occasion as the Rev. Matthew Wilkes, a celebrated 
 London preacher, was on his way to a meeting of ministers, he 
 got caught in a shower in the place called Billingsgate, where 
 there were a large number of women dealing in fish, who were 
 using most profane and vulgar language. As he stopped under 
 a shed in the midst of them, he felt called upon to give at least 
 his testimony against their wickedness. 
 
 "Don't you think," said he, speaking with the greatest 
 deliberation and solemnity, " I shall appear as a swift witness 
 against you in the day of judgment?" 
 
 "I presume so," said one, "for the biggest rogue always turns 
 State's evidence." 
 
496 THE FLASHES OF REPARTEE. 
 
 Matthew, when he got to the meeting, related the incident. 
 "And what did you say in reply, Mr. Wilkes?" said one of 
 the ministers present. 
 
 " What could I V 1 was the characteristic reply. 
 
 The late Mr. Cobden used to tell the following anecdote : — 
 "When in America," said he, "I asked an enthusiastic 
 American lady why her country could not rest ' satisfied with 
 the immense unoccupied territories it already possessed, but 
 must ever be hankering after the lands of its neighbors, when 
 her somewhat remarkable reply was, " Oh, the propensity is a 
 very bad one, I admit; but we came honestly by it, for we 
 inherited it from England." 
 
 When Napoleon was only an officer of artillery, a Prussian 
 officer said in his presence with much pride, " My countrymen 
 fight only for glory, but Frenchmen for money." " You are 
 right," replied Napoleon ; " each of them fight for what they 
 are most in want of." 
 
 A gentleman complimented a lady on her improved appear- 
 ance. " You are guilty of flattery," said the lady. " Not so," 
 replied he, " for I Vow you are as plump as a partridge." "At 
 first," responded she, " I thought you guilty of flattery only, 
 but you are now actually making game of me." 
 
 A pedlar asked an old lady ? to whom he was trying to sell 
 some articles, if she could tell him of any road that no pedlar 
 had ever travelled. "I know of but one," said she, " and that 
 is the road to Heaven." 
 
 "What is that dog barking at?" asked a fop, whose boots 
 were more polished than his ideas. " Why," said the bystander, 
 "he sees another puppy in your boots." 
 
 A Quaker gentleman, riding in a carriage with a fashionable 
 lady decked with a profusion of jewelry, heard he? complaining 
 of the cold. Shivering in her lace bonnet and shawl, as light 
 
THE FLASHES OF REPARTEE. 497 
 
 as a cobweb, she exclaimed : " What shall I do to get warm V 
 " I really don't know/' replied the Quaker solemnly, " unless 
 thee puts on another breastpin." 
 
 I dined once with Curran, said one of his friends, in the 
 public room of the chief inn at Greenwich, when he talked a 
 great deal, and, as usual, with considerable exaggeration. Speak- 
 ing of something which he would not do on any inducement, 
 he exclaimed : "I had rather be hanged upon twenty gibbets." 
 "Don't you think, sir, that one would be enough for you?" 
 said a girl, a stranger, who was sitting at the table next to us. 
 You ought to have seen Curran's face just then. 
 
 A tourist being exceedingly thirsty, stopped at a house by 
 the roadside, and asked for a drink of milk. He emptied 
 several cups, and asked for more. The woman of the house at 
 length brought out a large bowl filled with milk, and setting it 
 down on the table, remarked, " A person would think, sir, that 
 you had never been weaned." 
 
 Theodore Hook was walking, in the days of Warren's black- 
 ing, where one of the emissaries of that shining character had 
 
 written on the wall, "Try Warren's B " but had been 
 
 frightened by the approach of the owner of the property, and 
 had fled. " The rest is lacking," said the wit. 
 
 The famous Rochester one day met Dr. Barrow in the Park, 
 and being determined, as he said, to put down the rusty piece 
 of divinity, accosted him by taking off his hat, and with a 
 profound bow, exclaimed: "Doctor, I am yours to my shoe- 
 tie." The Doctor, perceiving his aim, returned the salute with 
 equal ceremony: " My Lord, I am yours to the ground." His 
 lordship then made a deeper salam, and said: "Doctor, I am 
 yours to the centre." Barrow replied, "My Lord, I am yours 
 to the antipodes," on which Rochester made another attempt 
 by exclaiming. " I am yours to the lowest pit." " There, my 
 Lord, I leave you," replied Barrow. 
 2G 42* 
 
498 THE FLASHES OF REPARTEE. 
 
 A windy M. P., in the midst of a tedious speech, stopped to 
 imbibe a glass of water. 
 
 "I rise/' said Sheridan, "to a point of order." 
 
 Everybody started, wondering what the point of order was. 
 
 "What is it?" said the speaker. 
 
 "I think, sir," said Sheridan, " it is out of order for a wind- 
 mill to go by water." 
 
 At Oxford, some twenty years ago, a tutor in one of the 
 colleges limped in his walk. Stopping one day last summer at 
 a railroad station, he was accosted by a well-known politician, 
 who recognized him, and asked him if he was not the chaplain 
 at the college at such a time, naming the year. The doctor 
 replied that he was. "I was there," said the interrogator, "and 
 I know you by your limp." "Well," said the doctor, "it seems 
 that my limping made a deeper impression on you than my 
 preaching." "Ah, doctor," was the ready reply, "it is the 
 highest compliment we can pay a minister to say that he is 
 known by his walk, rather than by his conversation." 
 
 When Onslow was speaker, of the British House of Com- 
 mons, a member, who was very fond of hearing himself speak — 
 though nobody would listen to him — on one occasion made a 
 direct appeal to the chair, in consequence of the accustomed 
 noise that was going on: "Mr. Speaker, I desire to know if I 
 have not a right to be heard ? " The speaker hoped, at first, to 
 escape the necessity of a reply, by calling "Order! Order!" but 
 this proving, as usual, of no avail, the honorable member in- 
 quired, in a louder tone than before, " Sir, have not I a right to be 
 heard?" "Sir," replied Onslow, "you have a right to speak." 
 
 Penn, the founder of Pennsylvania, abhorred smoking. His 
 Quaker Council one day observing him approach, laid down their 
 pipes. "I am glad to see," said Penn, "that you are ashamed 
 of that vile habit." "Not at all," said a principal Friend, "we 
 only lay down our pipes lest we should offend a weak brother" 
 
\ 
 
 THE FLASHES OF REPARTEE. 499 
 
 A saloon-keeper having started business in a building where 
 trunks had been made, asked a friend what he had better do 
 with the old sign, "Trunk Factory." "0," said the friend, 
 "just change the T to D, and it will suit you exactly." 
 
 Years ago, when Henry Ward Beecher's reputation was not 
 world-wide, a Western Young Men's Christian Association 
 tried to persuade the divine to go out and lecture to them with- 
 out charge, saying it would increase his fame. He telegraphed in 
 reply : " I will lecture for F. A. M. E. — fifty and my expenses." 
 
 Admiral Keppel was sent to the Dey of Algiers to. negotiate 
 the restoration of some English vessels which had been captured 
 by Algerine pirates. He advocated the cause entrusted to him 
 with a warmth and spirit which completely confounded the 
 Dey's ideas of what was due to absolute power. " I wonder," 
 said the offended dignitary, " at the King of England's insolence 
 in sending me such a foolish, beardless boy/' 
 
 " Had my master," retorted Keppel, " considered that wisdom 
 was to be measured by the length of the beard, he would have 
 sent you a he-goat." 
 
 Thackeray tells us of a woman begging alms from him, 
 who, when she saw him put his hand in his pocket, cried out: 
 " May the blessing of Grod follow you all your life !" But, when 
 he orfly pulled out his snuff-box, she immediately added : " And 
 never overtake ye." 
 
 Dr. Reid, the celebrated medical writer, was requested by a 
 lady of literary eminence to call at her house. " Be sure you 
 recollect the address," she said as she quitted the room — "No. 
 1. Chesterfield street." "Madam," said the doctor, "I am too 
 great an admirer of politeness not to remember Chesterfield, and, 
 I fear, too selfish ever to forget Number One." 
 
 Two men disputing about the pronunciation of the word 
 "either" — one saying it was ee-ther, the other t-ther — agreed to 
 refer it to the first person they met, who happened to be an 
 Irishman, who confounded both by declaring, "it's nayther, 
 for it's ayther." 
 
500 THE FLASHES OF REPARTEE. 
 
 A Parisian millionaire once wrote to the celebrated comic au- 
 thor, Scribe: — "Honored Sir — I wish very much to ally my 
 name with yours in the creation of a dramatic work. Will you 
 be so kind as to write a comedy of which I shall compose one or 
 two lines, so that I may be mentioned in the title; I will bear 
 the entire pecuniary expense, so that I may divide the glory." 
 Scribe, who was vain even to conceit, replied: — "Sir— I regret 
 that I cannot comply with your modest request. It is not in 
 accordance with my ideas of religion or propriety that a horse 
 and an ass should be yoked together." To which the million- 
 aire quickly responded: — "Sir — I have received your imperti- 
 nent letter. How dare you call me a horse ! " 
 
 Voltaire was warmly panegyrizing Haller one day, when a 
 person present remarked that his eulogy was very disinterested, 
 for Haller did not speak well of him. "Ah, well, " said Vol- 
 taire, "perhaps we are both of us mistaken." 
 
 An Irishman, abusing Erin, declared that it contained noth- 
 ing good but the whiskey. Whereupon a wag observed, "You 
 mean to say, then, that with all her faults you love her still." 
 
 Bacon relates that a fellow named Hogg importuned Sir 
 Nicholas to save his life on account of the kindred between 
 Hog and Bacon. "Aye," replied the judge, "but you and I 
 cannot be kindred except you be hanged, for Hog is not Bacon 
 until it be well hanged." 
 
 Lord Eldon, struck by the appearance of a beautiful woman 
 passing Westminster Hall, expressed his admiration freely. 
 The lady overhearing, returned the compliment by pronouncing 
 him to a friend near by a most excellent judge. 
 
 Thackeray, while in Charleston, S. C, was introduced to Mrs. 
 C, one of the leaders of its society. In his pert way he said, 
 " I am happy to meet you, madam ; I have heard that you are 
 a fast woman." "Oh, Mr. Thackeray," she replied with a fas- 
 cinating smile, " we must not believe all we hear ; I had heard, 
 sir, that you were a gentleman." 
 
THE SEXES. 501 
 
 Mr. Spurgeon rebuked certain of his followers who refused to 
 interfere in politics on the ground that they were "not of this 
 world." This, he argued, was mere metaphor. "You might as 
 well," said he, "being sheep of the Lord, decline to eat mutton- 
 chop on the plea that it would be cannibalism." 
 
 A young barrister, intending to be very eloquent, observed, 
 " such principles as these, my Lord, are written in the Book of 
 Nature." "What page, sir?" said Lord Chief Justice Ellen- 
 borough ; and the orator was silenced for life. 
 
 As unto the bow the cord is, 
 
 So unto the man is woman : 
 
 Though she bends him, she obeys him; 
 
 Though she draws him, yet she follows ; 
 
 Useless each without the other. — Hiawatha* 
 
 Mrs. Jameson, speaking of the mistaken belief that there 
 are essential masculine and feminine virtues and vices, says it 
 is not the quality itself, but the modification of the quality, 
 which is masculine or feminine ; and on the manner or degree 
 in which these are balanced or combined in the individual, de- 
 pends the perfection of that individual character. As the in- 
 fluences of religion are extended and as civilization advances, 
 those qualities which are now admired as essentially feminine 
 will be considered as essentially human, — such as gentleness, 
 purity, the more unselfish and spiritual sense of duty, and the 
 dominance of the affections over the passions. This is, perhaps, 
 what Buffon, speaking as a naturalist, meant when he said that 
 with the progress of humanity Les races se fiminisent. The 
 axiom of the Greek philosopher Antisthenes, the disciple of 
 Socrates, The virtue of the man and the woman is the same, 
 
502 THE sexes. 
 
 shows a perception of this moral truth, a sort of anticipation of 
 the Christian doctrine, even in the pagan times. 
 
 Every reader of Wordsworth will recollect the poem entitled 
 The Happy Warrior. It has been quoted as an epitome of 
 every manly, soldierly, and elevated quality. Those who make 
 the experiment of merely substituting the word woman for the 
 word warrior, and changing the feminine for the masculine 
 pronoun, will find that it reads equally well, and from begin- 
 ning to end is literally as applicable to the one sex as to the 
 other. As thus : — 
 
 CHARACTER OF THE HAPPY WOMAN. 
 
 Who is the happy woman ? Who is she 
 That every woman born should wish to be ? 
 It is the generous spirit who, when brought 
 Among the tasks of real life, hath wrought 
 Upon the plan that pleased her childish thought ; 
 Whose high endeavors are an inward light, 
 That makes the path before her always bright; 
 Who, with a natural instinct to discern 
 What knowledge can perform, is diligent to learn; 
 Abides by this resolve, and stops not there, 
 But makes her moral being her prime care ; 
 Who, doomed to go in company with pain, 
 And fear, and sorrow, miserable train ! 
 Turns that necessity to glorious gain; 
 In face of these doth exercise a power 
 Which is our human nature's highest dower; 
 Controls them and subdues, transmutes, bereaves 
 Of their bad influence, and their good receives; 
 By objects, which might force the soul to abate 
 Her feeling, rendered more compassionate; 
 Is placable, — because occasions rise 
 So often that demand such sacrifice ; 
 More skilful in self-knowledge, even more pure 
 As tempted more ; more able to endure 
 As more exposed to suffering and distress ; 
 Thence, also, more alive to tenderness. 
 'Tis she whose law is reason ; who depends 
 Upon that law as on the best of friends ; 
 Whence, in a state where men are tempted still 
 To evil for a guard against worse ill, 
 And what in quality or act is best 
 Doth seldom on a right foundation rest, 
 
THE SEXES. 503 
 
 She fixes good on good alone, and owes 
 
 To virtue every triumph that she knows; 
 
 Who, if she rise to station or command, 
 
 Rises by open means, and there will stand 
 
 On honorable terms, or else retire — 
 
 * * ♦ * * 
 
 Who comprehends her trust, and to the same 
 
 Keeps faithful with a singleness of aim ; 
 
 And therefore does not stoop, nor lie in wait 
 
 For wealth, or honors, or for worldly state; 
 
 Whom they must follow ; on whose head must fall 
 
 Like showers of manna, if they come at all; 
 
 Whose power shed round her, in the common strife 
 
 Or mild concerns of ordinary life, 
 
 A constant influence, a peculiar grace ; 
 
 But who, if she be called upon to face 
 
 Some awful moment to which Heaven has joined 
 
 Great issues, good or bad for human kind, 
 
 Is happy as a lover ; and, attired 
 
 With sudden brightness, like to one inspired ; 
 
 And through the heat of conflict keeps the law 
 
 In calmness made, and sees what she foresaw ; 
 
 Or if an unexpected call succeed, 
 
 Come when it will, is equal to the need ! 
 
 Mrs. Jameson adds that in all these fifty-six lines there is 
 only one line which cannot be feminized in its significance, — 
 that filled up with asterisks, and which is totally at variance 
 with the ideal of a happy woman. It is the line — 
 
 And in himself possess his own desire. 
 
 No woman could exist happily or virtuously in such complete 
 independence of all external affections as these words express. 
 " Her desire is to her husband :" this is the sort of subjection 
 prophesied for the daughters of Eve. A woman doomed to 
 exist without this earthly rest for her affections does not " in 
 herself possess her own desire j" she turns towards God ; and, 
 if she does not make her life a life of worship, she makes it a 
 life of charity, or she dies a spiritual and a moral death. Is it 
 much better with the man who concentrates his aspirations in 
 himself ? 
 
504 THE SEXES. 
 
 THE PRAISE OF WOMEN. 
 
 An Old English Ballad. 
 
 Both sexes, give ear to my fancy, 
 While the praise of a woman I sing 
 
 Confined not to Polly nor Nancy, 
 But alike from the beggar to king. 
 
 When Adam at first was created, 
 And lord of the universe crowned, 
 
 His happiness was not completed, 
 Because a help-meet was not found. 
 
 He had all things that were wanting, 
 
 Which yield us contentment in life ; 
 Both horses and foxes for hunting, 
 
 Which many love more than a wife. 
 A garden, so planted by nature, 
 
 Man could not produce in his life; 
 And yet the all-wise Creator 
 
 Saw that he wanted a wife. 
 
 Old Adam was cast into slumber, 
 
 A rib taken out of his side ; 
 And when he awoke in a wonder, 
 
 He beheld his most beautiful bride. 
 With transport he gaz6d upon her, — 
 
 His happiness now was complete: 
 He praised the all-bountiful Donor, 
 
 Who thus had provided a mate. 
 
 She was not taken out of his head, 
 
 To rule and triumph over man ; 
 Nor was she taken out of his heel, 
 
 To be ruled and trampled upon; 
 But she was taken out of his side, 
 
 His equal companion to be ; 
 And thus they both were united, 
 
 And man is the top of the tree. 
 Then let not the fair be despised 
 
 By man, for she's part of himself; 
 Since woman by Adam was prized 
 
 More than the whole world full of wealth. 
 
 For man without woman's a beggar, 
 Although the whole world he possessed ; 
 
 And the beggar who has a good wife, 
 With more than this world he is blest. 
 
THE SEXES. 505 
 
 PARALLEL OF THE SEXES. 
 
 There is an admirable partition of qualities between the 
 sexes, which the great Author of being has distributed to each 
 with a wisdom which calls for our admiration. Man is strong, 
 — woman is beautiful. Man is daring and confident, — woman 
 is diffident and unassuming. Man is great in action, — woman, 
 in suffering. Man shines abroad, — woman, at home. Man 
 talks to convince, — woman, to persuade and please. Man has 
 a rugged heart, — woman, a soft and tender one. Man prevents 
 misery, — woman relieves it. Man has science, — woman, taste. 
 Man has judgment, — woman, sensibility. Man is a being of 
 justice, — woman, of mercy. 
 
 FEMALE SOCIETY. 
 
 The following remarks come with peculiar force from one of 
 such querulous and unconnubial habits as John Randolph : — 
 
 You know my opinion of female society : without it we should 
 degenerate into brutes. This observation applies with tenfold 
 force to young men, and those who are in the prime of man- 
 hood. For, after a certain time of life, the literary man makes 
 a shift (a poor one, I grant) to do without the society of ladies. 
 To a young man nothing is so important as a spirit of devotion 
 (next to his Creator) to some amiable woman, whose image 
 may occupy his heart and guard it from the pollution that be- 
 sets it on all sides. A man ought to choose his wife as Mrs 
 Primrose did her wedding-gown, — for qualities that will "wear 
 well. ,, One thing at least is true, that, if matrimony has its 
 cares, celibacy has no pleasures. A Newton, or a mere scholar, 
 may find enjoyment in study; a man of literary taste can re- 
 ceive in books a powerful auxiliary ; but a man must have a 
 bosom friend, and children around him, to cherish and support 
 the dreariness of old age. 
 
 WIFE — MISTRESS — LADY. 
 
 Who marries for love takes a wife ; who marries for conve- 
 nience takes a mistress ; who marries from consideration takes 
 a lady. You are loved by your wife, regarded by your mis- 
 
 43 
 
506 THE SEXES. 
 
 tress, tolerated by your lady. You have a wife for yourself, a 
 mistress for your house and its friends, a lady for the world. 
 Your wife will agree with you, your mistress will accommodate 
 you, your lady will manage you. Your wife will take care of 
 your household, your mistress of your house, your lady of ap- 
 pearances. If you are sick, your wife will nurse you, your 
 mistress will visit you, your lady will inquire after your health. 
 You take a walk with your wife, a ride with your mistress, and 
 join parties with your lady. Your wife will share your grief, 
 your mistress your money, and your lady your debts. If you 
 are dead, your wife will shed tears, your mistress lament, and 
 your lady wear mourning. — From the German. 
 
 MY MOTHER. 
 
 That was a thrilling scene in the old chivalric time — the 
 wine circling around the board, and the banquet-hall ringing 
 with sentiment and song — when, the lady of each knightly 
 heart having been pledged by name, St. Leon arose in his 
 turn, and, lifting the sparkling cup on high, said, — 
 
 " I drink to one 
 
 Whose image never may depart, 
 Deep graven on this grateful heart, 
 
 Till memory is dead; 
 To one whose love for me shall last 
 When lighter passions long have passed, 
 
 So holy 'tis, and true; 
 To one whose love hath longer dwelt, 
 More deeply fixed, more keenly felt, 
 
 Than any pledge to you." 
 Each guest upstarted at the word, 
 And laid his hand upon his sword, 
 
 With fury-flashing eye ; 
 And Stanley said, " We crave the name, 
 Proud knight, of this most peerless dame, 
 
 Whose love you count so high." 
 St. Leon paused, as if he would 
 Not hreathe her name in careless mood 
 
 Thus lightly to another, — 
 Then hent his nohle head, as though 
 To give that word the reverence due, 
 
 And gently said, " My Mother I" 
 
THE SEXES. 507 
 
 LETTER TO A BRIDE. 
 
 The following letter was written by an old friend to a young 
 lady on the eve of her wedding day : — 
 
 I have sent you a few flowers to adorn the dying moments 
 of your single life. They are the gentlest types of delicate 
 and durable friendship. They spring up by our side when 
 others have deserted it; and they will be found watching over 
 our graves when those who should cherish have forgotten us. 
 It seems that a past, so calm and pure as yours, should expire 
 with a kindred sweetness about it, — that flowers and music, 
 kind friends and earnest words, should consecrate the hour 
 when a sentiment is passing into a sacrament. 
 
 The three great stages of our being are the birth, the bridal, 
 and the burial. To the first we bring only weakness — for the 
 last we have nothing but dust ! But here at the altar, when 
 life joins life, the pair come throbbing up to the holy man, 
 whispering the deep promise that arms each other's heart, to 
 help on in the life-struggle of care and duty. The beautiful 
 will be there, borrowing new beauty from the scene. The gay 
 and thoughtless, with their flounces and frivolities, will look 
 solemn for once. Youth will come to gaze upon the object 
 of its secret yearnings; and age will totter up to hear the 
 words repeated that to their own lives had given the charm. 
 Some will weep over it as if it were a tomb, and some laugh 
 over it as if it were a joke; but two must stand by it, for it is 
 fate, not fun, this everlasting locking of their lives. 
 
 And now, can you, who have queened it over so many bend- 
 ing forms, can you come down at last to the frugal diet of a 
 single heart ? Hitherto you have been- a clock, giving your 
 time to all the world. Now you are a watch, buried in one 
 particular bosom, warming only his breast, marking only his 
 hours, and ticking only to the beat of his heart — where time 
 and feeling shall be in unison, until those lower ties are lost in 
 that higher wedlock, where all hearts are united. 
 
 Hoping that calm and sunshine may hallow your clasped 
 hands, I sink silently into a signature. * * * 
 
508 MOSLEM WISDOM. 
 
 iKtoslem ffl®tsirom. 
 
 SHREWD DECISION OP ALI, CALIPH OF BAGDAD. 
 
 In the Preliminary Dissertation to Dr. Richardson's Arabic 
 Dictionary the following curious anecdote is recorded : — 
 
 Two Arabians sat down to dinner : one had five loaves, the 
 other three. A stranger passing by desired permission to eat 
 with them, which they agreed to. The stranger dined, laid 
 down eight pieces of money, and departed. The proprietor of 
 the five loaves took up five pieces and left three for the other, 
 who objected, and insisted on having one-half. The cause came 
 before Ali, who gave the following judgment : — " Let the owner 
 of the five loaves have seven pieces of money, and the owner of 
 the three loaves one ; for, if we divide the eight loaves by three, 
 they make twenty-four parts ; of which he who laid down the 
 five loaves had fifteen, while he who laid down three had only 
 nine. As all fared alike, and eight shares was each man's pro- 
 portion, the stranger ate seven parts of the first man's property, 
 and only one belonging to the othei. The money, in justice, 
 must be divided accordingly/' 
 
 THE WISDOM OP ALI. 
 
 The Prophet once, sitting in calm debate, 
 Said, " I am Wisdom's fortress ; but the gate 
 Thereof is Ali." Wherefore, some who heard, 
 With unbelieving jealousy were stirred ; 
 And, that they might on him confusion bring, 
 Ten of the boldest joined to prove the thing. 
 " Let us in turn to Ali go," they said, 
 " And ask if Wisdom should be sought instead 
 Of earthly riches ; then, if he reply 
 To each of us, in thought, accordantly, 
 And yet to none in speech or phrase the same, 
 His shall the honor be, and ours tho shame." 
 Now, when the first his bold demand did make, 
 These were the words which Ali straightway spake:— 
 
MOSLEM WISDOM. 509 
 
 "Wisdom is the inheritance of those 
 Whom Allah favors ; riches, of his foes." 
 Unto the second he said : — " Thyself must be 
 Guard to thy riches ; but Wisdom guardeth thee." 
 Unto the third: — "By Wisdom wealth is won; 
 But riches purchased Wisdom yet for none." 
 Unto the fourth : — " Thy goods the thief may take ; 
 But into Wisdom's house he cannot break." 
 Unto the fifth : — " Thy goods decrease the more 
 Thou givest; but woe enlarges Wisdom's store." 
 Unto the sixth: — "Wealth tempts to evil ways; 
 But the desire of Wisdom is God's praise." 
 Unto the seventh : — " Divide thy wealth, each part 
 Becomes a pittance. Give with open heart 
 Thy wisdom, and each separate gift shall be 
 All that thou hast, yet not impoverish thee." 
 Unto the eighth:— "Wealth cannot keep itself; 
 But Wisdom is the steward even of pelf." 
 Unto the ninth : — " The camels slowly bring 
 Thy goods; but Wisdom has the swallow's wing." 
 And lastly, when the tenth did question make, 
 These were the ready words which Ali spake :— 
 "Wealth is a darkness which the soul should fear j 
 But Wisdom is the lamp that makes it clear." 
 Crimson with shame, the questioners withdrew, 
 And they declared, " The Prophet's words were true : 
 The mouth of Ali is the golden door 
 Of Wisdom." 
 
 When his friends to Ali bore 
 These words, he smiled, and said, "And should they ask 
 The same until my dying day, the task 
 Were easy ; for the stream from Wisdom's well, 
 Which God supplies, is inexhaustible." 
 
 MOHAMMEDAN LOGIC. 
 
 The laws of Cos discountenance in a very singular manner 
 any cruelty on the part of females towards their admirers. An 
 instance occurred while Dr. Clarke and his companions were on 
 the island, in which the unhappy termination of a love-affair 
 occasioned a trial for what the Mohammedan lawyers casuisti- 
 cally describe as " homicide by an intermediate cause." The 
 following was the case : a young man desperately in love with 
 a girl of Stanchis eagerly sought to marry her, but his propo- 
 
 43* 
 
510 MOSLEM WISDOM. 
 
 sals were rejected. In consequence, he destroyed himself by 
 poison. The Turkish police arrested the father of the obdu- 
 rate fair, and tried him for culpable homicide. "If the ac- 
 cused," argued they, with much gravity, "had not had a 
 daughter, the deceased would not have fallen in love ; conse- 
 quently he would not have been disappointed; consequently he 
 would not have swallowed poison; consequently he would not 
 have died ; — but the accused had a daughter, the deceased had 
 fallen in love," &c. Upon all these counts he was called upon 
 to pay the price of the young man's life ; and this, being fixed 
 at the sum of eighty piastres, was accordingly exacted. 
 
 THE ALEXANDRIAN LIBRARY. 
 
 Said Omar, " Either these books are in conformity with the 
 Koran, or they are not. If they are, they are useless, and if 
 not, they are evil : in either event, therefore, let them be 
 destroyed." 
 
 Such was the logic that led to the destruction of seven hun- 
 dred thousand manuscript volumes. 
 
 TURKISH EXPEDIENTS. 
 
 A Turkish testator left to his eldest son one-half of his 
 seventeen horses, to his second son one-third, to his third son 
 one-ninth of his horses. The executor did not know what to 
 do, as seventeen will neither divide by two, nor by three, nor 
 by nine. A dervise came up on horseback, and the executor 
 consulted him. The dervise said, " Take my horse, and add 
 him to the others." There were then eighteen horses. The 
 executor then gave to the eldest son one-half, — nine; to the 
 second son one-third, — six ; to the third son one-ninth, — two : 
 total, seventeen. The dervise then said, "You don't want 
 my horse now ; I will take him back again." 
 
EXCERPTA FROM PERSIAN POETR? 511 
 
 iExm-pta from ^erssian pmrg> 
 
 EARTH AN ILLUSION. 
 From the mists of the Ocean of Truth in the skies 
 A Mirage in deluding reflections doth rise, 
 There is naught but reality there to be seen j 
 We have here but the lie of its vapory sheen. — Hafiz. 
 
 HEAVEN AN ECHO OP EARTH. 
 'Tis but a shadow of the earth's familiar bliss, 
 
 Bright mirrored on the sky's ethereal fonts, 
 That fills our breasts with longings nothing can dismiss, 
 
 In tremulous and glimmering response. 
 
 A MORAL ATMOSPHERE. 
 It is as hard for one whom sinners still prevent 
 
 From prayer, to keep his virtue, yet with them to dwell, 
 As it would be for a lotus of sweetest scent 
 
 To blossom forth in beauty 'mid the flames of hell. 
 
 FORTUNE AND WORTH. 
 That haughty rich man see, a merely gilded clod; 
 
 This poor man see, pure gold with common dust besmeared. 
 Start not: in needy garb was Moses girt and shod,. 
 
 When waved and shone before him Pharaoh's golden beard ! 
 
 BROKEN HEARTS. 
 
 When other things are broken they are nothing worth, 
 Unless it be to some old Jew or some repairer ; 
 
 But hearts, the more they 're bruised and broken here on earth, 
 In heaven are so much the costlier and the fairer. 
 
 TO A GENEROUS MAN. 
 To cloud of rain refreshing all the land, 
 It is not fit to liken thy free hand; 
 For as that gives it weeps meanwhile, 
 But thou still givest with a smile. 
 
 beauty's prerogative. 
 
 Thy beauty pales all sublunary things, 
 And man to vassalage eternal dooms: 
 The road before thee should be swept with brooms 
 
 Made of the eye-lashes of peerless kings, 
 
512 EXCERPTA FROM PERSIAN POETRY. 
 
 PROUD HUMILITY. 
 
 In proud humility a pious man went through the field j 
 The ears of corn were bowing in the wind, as if they kneeled ; 
 He struck them on the head, and modestly began to say, 
 "Unto the Lord, not unto me, such honors should you pay." 
 
 He who is only for his neighbors' wise, 
 While his own soul in sad confusion lies, 
 Is like those men who builded Noah's ark, 
 But sank, themselves, beneath the waters dark. 
 
 THE IMPOSSIBILITY. 
 
 When I shall see, though clad in gold or silk, 
 In peace and joy a wicked man or maid, 
 
 I then shall drink a bowl of pigeon's milk, 
 And eat the yellow eggs the ox has laid. 
 
 THE SOBER DRUNKENNESS. 
 
 Beware the deadly fumes of that insane elation 
 Which rises from the cup of mad impiety, 
 
 And go get drunk with that divine intoxication 
 Which is more sober far than all sobriety. 
 
 A wine-drinker's METAPHORS. 
 
 As the nightingale oft from a rose's dew sips, 
 So I wet with fresh wine my belanguishing lips. 
 
 As the soul of perfume through a flower's petals slips, 
 So pure wine passes through the rose-door of my lips. 
 
 As to port from afar float the full-loaded ships, 
 So this wine-beaker drifts to the strand of my lips. 
 
 As the white-driven sea o'er a cliff's edges drips, 
 So the red-tinted wine breaks in foam on my lips. 
 
 FROM MIRTSA SCHAFFY. 
 
 Better stars without shine, 
 Than the shine without stars. 
 Better wine without jars, 
 Than the jars without wine. 
 Better honey without bees, 
 Than the bees without honey. 
 Better please without money, 
 Than have money but not please. 
 
EXCERPTA FROM PERSIAN POETRY. 513 
 
 THE DOUBLE PLOT. 
 
 Three hungry travellers found a bag of gold ; 
 One ran into the town where bread was sold. 
 
 He thought, I will poison the bread I buy, 
 And seize the treasure when my comrades die. 
 
 But they too thought, When back his feet have hied, 
 We will destroy him and the gold divide. 
 
 They killed him ; and, partaking of the bread, 
 In a few moments all were lying dead. 
 world ! behold what ill thy goods have done ; 
 Thy gold thus poisoned two, and murdered one. 
 
 THE WORLD'S UN APPRECIATION. 
 
 The lyrical poems of the East called Ghazels, of which the 
 following, from Trench, is a brief specimen, have this pecu- 
 liarity, — that the first two lines rhyme, and for this rhyme re- 
 curs a new one in the second line of each succeeding couplet, 
 the alternate lines being free : — 
 
 What is the good man and the wise ? 
 Ofttimes a pearl which none doth prize ; 
 Or jewel rare, which men account 
 A common pebble, and despise. 
 Set forth upon the world's bazaar, 
 It mildly gleams, but no one buys, 
 Till it in anger Heaven withdraws 
 From the world's undiscerning eyes, 
 And in its shell the pearl again, 
 And in its mine the jewel, lies. 
 
 THE CALIPH AND SATAN. 
 
 In heavy sleep the Caliph lay, 
 
 When some one called, " Arise and pray !** 
 
 The angry Caliph cried, "Who dare 
 Rebuke his king for slighted prayer ?" 
 
 Then, from the corner of the room, 
 
 A voice cut sharply through the gloom :— 
 
 " My name is Satan. Rise ! obey 
 Mohammed's law : Awake and pray." 
 " Thy words are good," the Caliph said, 
 "But their intent I somewhat dread: 
 2H 
 
514 EXCERPTA FROM PERSIAN POETRY. 
 
 For matters cannot well be worse 
 
 Than when the thief says, ' Guard your purse. 
 
 I cannot trust your counsel, friend : 
 
 It surely hides some wicked end." 
 
 Said Satan, " Near the throne of God, 
 
 In ages past, we devils trod; 
 
 Angels of light, to us 'twas given 
 
 To guide each wandering foot to Heaven; 
 
 Not wholly lost is that first love, 
 
 Nor those pure tastes we knew above. 
 
 Roaming across a continent, 
 
 The Tartar moves his shifting tent. 
 
 But never quite forgets the day 
 When in his father's arms he lay; 
 
 So we, once bathed in love divine, 
 Recall the taste of that rich wine. 
 
 God's finger rested on my brow, — 
 That magic touch, I feel it now! 
 I fell, 'tis true, — Oh, ask not why ! 
 For still to God I turn my eye ; 
 It was a chance by which I fell : 
 Another takes me back to hell. 
 'Twas but my envy of mankind, 
 The envy of a loving mind. 
 
 Jealous of men, I could not bear 
 God's love with this new race to share. 
 But yet God's tables open stand, 
 His guests flock in from every land. 
 
 Some kind act toward the race of men 
 May toss us into heaven again. 
 
 A game of chess is all we see, — 
 And God the player, pieces we. 
 
 White, black, — queen, pawn, — 'tis all the same ; 
 For on both sides he plays the game. 
 
 Moved to and fro, from good to ill, 
 We rise and fall as suits his will." 
 The Caliph said, " If this be so 
 I know not j but thy guile I know; 
 For how can I thy words believe, 
 When even God thou didst deceive ? 
 
EPIGRAMS. 5^5 
 
 A sea of lies art thou, — our sin, 
 
 Only a drop that sea within." 
 
 "Not so," said Satan: "I serve God, 
 
 His angel now, and now his rod. 
 
 In tempting, I both bless and curse, 
 
 Make good men better, bad men worse. 
 
 Good coin is mixed with bad, my brother, 
 
 I but distinguish one from th' other." 
 
 "Granted," the Caliph said; "but still 
 
 You never tempt to good, but ill. 
 
 Tell, then, the truth ; for well I know 
 
 You come as my most deadly foe." 
 
 Loud laughed the fiend. " You know me well j 
 
 Therefore my purpose will I tell : 
 
 If you had missed your prayer, I knew 
 
 A swift repentance would ensue; 
 
 And such repentance would have been 
 
 A good, outweighing far the sin. 
 
 I chose this humbleness divine, 
 
 Born out of fault, should not be thine ; 
 
 Preferring praters elate with pride, 
 
 To sin with penitence allied." 
 
 iEptgtams. 
 
 MARTIAl/S EPIGRAM ON EPIGRAMS. 
 
 Omnis epigramma, sit instar apis; sit aculeus illi, 
 Sint sua mclla, sit et corporis exigui. 
 [Three things must epigrams, like bees, have all, — 
 A sting, and honey, and a body small.] 
 
 MIDAS AND MODERN STATESMEN. 
 Midas, they say, possessed the art, of old, 
 Of turning whatsoe'er he touched to gold.. 
 This, modern statesmen can reverse with ease ; 
 Touch them with gold, they'll turn to what you pleaw. 
 
516 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 INSCRIBED ON A STATUE TO SLEEP. 
 Somne levis, quanquam certissima mortis imago, 
 
 Consortem cupio te tamen esse tori, 
 Alma quies, optata, veni, nam sic sine vita 
 
 Vivere quam suave est, sic sine morte mori. — Warton. 
 [Light sleep, though death's strong image, prythee give 
 
 Thy fellowship while in my couch I lie; 
 gentle, wished-for rest, how sweet to live 
 
 Thus without life, and without death to die /]* 
 
 TO DR. ROBERT FREIND, WHO WROTE LONG EPITAPHS. 
 
 Freind, for your epitaphs I'm grieved, 
 
 Where still so much is said : 
 One half will never be believed, 
 
 The other never read. — Pope. 
 
 THE FOOL AND THE POET. 
 
 Sir, I admit your general rule, 
 That every poet is a fool ; 
 But you yourself may serve to show it 
 That every fool is not a poet. — Pope. 
 
 DUM VIVIMUS VIVAMUS. 
 
 Live while you live, the epicure would say, 
 
 And seize the pleasures of the present day. 
 
 Live while you live, the sacred preacher cries, 
 
 And give to God each moment as it flies. 
 
 Lord, in my view let both united be ; 
 
 I live in pleasure while I live to thee. — Doddridge. 
 
 TO "MOLLY ASTON," 
 
 A celebrated "beauty, scholar, and wit," who spoke in praise of liberty. 
 Liber ut esse velim, suasisti, pulchra Maria : 
 Ut maneam liber, pulchra Maria, vale ! — Dr. Johnson. 
 [ Freedom you teach, fair Mary. To be free, 
 Farewell, lest I should be enslaved by thee !] 
 
 ON ONE IGNORANT AND ARROGANT. 
 
 Thou mayst of double ignorance boast, 
 
 Who knowst not that thou nothing knowst. — Owen, Trans, by Cowper. 
 
 * Come, gentle sleep ! attend thy votary's prayer, 
 And, though death's image, to my couch repair ; 
 How sweet, though lifeless, yet with life to lie, 
 And, without dying, oh, how sweet to die ! — Wolcofa Tram. 
 
EPIGRAMS. 517 
 
 TO OUR BED. 
 
 In bed we laugh, in bed we cry ; 
 
 And born in bed, in bed we die : 
 
 The near approach the bed may show 
 
 Of human bliss to human woe. — Benserade. 
 
 LATE REPENTANCE. 
 
 Pravus, that aged debauchee, 
 
 Proclaimed a vow his sins to quit; 
 But is he yet from any free, 
 
 Except what now he can't commit? 
 
 ON A PALE LADY WITH A RED-NOSED HUSBAND. 
 
 Whence comes it that in Clara's face 
 
 The lily only has its place ? 
 
 Is it because the absent rose 
 
 Has gone to paint her husband's nose ? 
 
 ON SOME SNOW THAT MELTED ON A LADY'S BREAST. 
 
 Those envious flakes came down in haste, 
 
 To prove her breast less fair, 
 But, grieved to find themselves surpassed,* 
 
 Dissolved into a tear. 
 
 SELVAGGl'S DISTICH ADDRESSED TO JOHN MILTON. 
 While at Rome, 
 Graecia Moeonidem, jactet sibi Roma Maronem, 
 Anglia Miltonum jactat utrique parem. 
 
 dryden's amplification. 
 
 Three poets in three distant ages born, 
 Greece, Italy, and England did adorn. 
 The first in loftiness of thought surpassed ; 
 The next, in majesty ; in both, the last. 
 The force of nature could no further go : 
 To make a third, she joined the former two. 
 
 * The following madrigal was addressed, to a Lancastrian lady, and accom- 
 panied with a white rose, during the opposition of the "White Rose" and 
 " Red Rose" adherents of the houses of York and Lancaster :— 
 If this fair rose offend thy sight, 
 
 It in thy bosom wear; 
 'Twill blush to find itself less white, 
 And turn Lancastrian there. 
 44 
 
518 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 ON butler's MONUMENT. 
 While Butler, needy wretch, was yet alive, 
 No generous patron would a dinner give. 
 See him, when starved to death and turned to dust, 
 Presented with a monumental bust. 
 The poet s fate is here in emblem shown : 
 He asked for bread, and he received a stone. — S. Wesley. 
 
 OVERDRAWN COMPLIMENT. 
 
 So much, dear Pope, thy English Homer charms, 
 As pity melts us, or as passion warms, 
 That after-ages will with wonder seek 
 Who 'twas translated Homer into Greek. 
 
 SUGGESTED BY A GERMAN TOURIST. 
 
 Wlio accompanied Prince Albert into Scotland. 
 
 Charmed with the drink which Highlanders compose, 
 
 A German traveller exclaimed, with glee, 
 " Potztausend ! sare, if this be Athol Brose* 
 
 How good the Athol Boetry must be !" — Tom Hood. 
 
 ETERNITY. 
 Reason does but one quaint solution lend 
 
 To nature's deepest yet divinest riddle ; 
 Time is a beginning and an end, 
 
 Eternity is nothing but a middle. 
 
 OCCASIONED BY THE LOSS OP A CLERGYMAN'S PORTMANTEAU, 
 
 Containing his Sermons. 
 I've lost my portmanteau. 
 
 "I pity your grief." 
 It contained all my sermons. 
 
 "I pity the thief!" 
 
 TO A LIVING AUTHOR. 
 
 Your comedy I've read, my friend, 
 
 And like the half you pilfered, best; 
 But sure the piece you yet may mend : 
 
 Take courage, man ! and steal the rest. 
 
 * Athol brose is a favorite Highland drink, composed of honey, whiskey, 
 and water, although the proportion of the latter is usually so homoeopathi- 
 oally minute as to be difficult of detection except by chemical or microscopical 
 analysis. Possibly the Scotch aversion to injuring the flavor of their whiskey 
 by dilution arises from a fact noted by N. P. Willis, that the water has tasted 
 so strongly of sinners ever since the Flood. 
 
EPIGRAMS. 519 
 
 THE FRUGAL QUEEN. 
 
 One Queen Artemisia, as old stories tell, 
 
 When deprived of her husband she lov6d so well, 
 
 In respect for the love and affection he showed her, 
 
 She reduced him to dust, and she drank off the powder. 
 
 But Queen Netherplace, of a different complexion, 
 
 When called on to order the funeral direction, 
 
 Would have ate her dead lord, on a slender pretence, 
 
 Not to show her respect, but — to save the expense 1 — Burns, 
 
 ON COMMISSARY GOLDIE*S BRAINS. 
 Lord, to account who dares thee call, 
 
 Or e'er dispute thy pleasure ? 
 Else why within so thick a wall 
 Enclose so poor a treasure? — Burns* 
 
 GIVING AND TAKING. 
 " I never give a kiss," says Prue, 
 
 " To naughty man, for I abhor it." 
 She will not give a kiss, 'tis true : 
 
 She'll take one, though, and thank you for it. — Moore. 
 
 TO 
 
 u Moria pur quando vuol non e" bisogna mutar ni faccia ni voce per esser 
 un Angelo." 
 
 Die when you will, you need not wear 
 At Heaven's court a form more fair 
 
 Than beauty here on earth has given j 
 Keep but the lovely looks we see, — 
 The voice we hear, — and you will be 
 An angel ready-made for heaven ! — Moore. 
 
 THE LOVER TO HIS MISTRESS, WITH A PRESENT OP A MIRROR. 
 This mirror my object of love will unfold 
 
 Whensoe'er your regard it allures : 
 Oh, would, when I'm gazing, that I might behold 
 
 On its surface the object of yours ! 
 
 TO A CAPRICIOUS FRIEND. 
 Difficilis, facilis, jucundus, acerbus es idem, 
 Nee tecum possum vivere, nee sine te. — Martial. 
 [In all thy humors, whether grave or mellow, 
 Thou'rt such a touchy, testy, pleasant fellow, 
 Hast so much wit, and mirth, and spleen about thee, 
 There is no living with thee, nor without thee. — Addison.] 
 
520 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 MENDAX. 
 
 See ! yonder goes old Mendax, telling lies 
 
 To that good, easy maa with whom he's walking. 
 
 How know I that? you ask, with some surprise; 
 
 Why, don't you see, my friend, the fellow's talking ! — Lessing 
 
 ON EELL. 
 
 While Fell was reposing himself on the hay, 
 
 A reptile, concealed, bit his leg as he lay; 
 
 But, all venom himself, of the wound he made light, 
 
 And got well, while the scorpion died of the bite.-^-LESSiNG. 
 
 ON AN ILL-READ LAWYER. 
 An idle attorney besought a brother 
 For " something to read, — some novel or other, 
 
 That was really fresh and new." 
 " Take Chitty !" replies his legal friend : 
 " There isn't a book that I could lend, 
 
 That would prove more ' novel' to you !" — Saxe. 
 
 woman's will. 
 
 Men dying make their wills ; but wives 
 
 Escape a work so sad : 
 Why should they make what all their lives 
 
 The gentle dames have had ? — Saxe. 
 
 Wellington's nose. 
 
 " Pray, why does the great Captain's nose 
 
 Resemble Venice ?" Duncomb cries. 
 u Why," quoth Sam Rogers, " I suppose 
 
 Because it has a bridge of size (sighs)." 
 
 ONE GOOD TURN DESERVES ANOTHER. 
 
 A poor man went to hang himself, 
 
 But treasure chanced to find : 
 He pocketed the miser's pelf, 
 
 And left the rope behind. 
 His money gone, the miser hung 4 
 
 Himself in sheer despair : 
 Thus each the other's wants supplied, 
 
 And that was surely fair. 
 
 BAD SONGSTERS. 
 Swans sing before they die : 'twere no bad thing 
 Did certain persons die before they sing. — Coleridge. 
 
EPIGRAMS. 521 
 
 ON A BAD FIDDLER. 
 
 Old Orpheus played so well, he moved Old Nickj 
 But thou mov'st nothing but thy fiddle-stick. 
 
 ON A CERTAIN D.D. 
 Who, from a peculiarity in his walk, had acquired the sobriquet of Br. Toe, 
 being jilted by Hiss H., who eloped with her father's footman. 
 'Twixt footman Sam and Doctor Toe 
 
 A controversy fell, 
 Which should prevail against his foe, 
 
 And bear away the belle. 
 The lady chose the footman's heart. 
 
 Say, who can wonder ? no man : 
 
 The whole prevailed above the part : 
 
 'Twas Foot-man versus Toe-man. 
 
 ON AN OLD LADY WHO MARRIED HER FOOTMAN. 
 Old Lady Lovejoy, aged just threescore, 
 Whose lusty footboy rode behind, before, 
 Is, in a fit of fondness, grown so kind, 
 He rides within, who rode before, behind. 
 
 "HOT CORN." 
 ''How much corn may a gentleman eat?" whispered P, 
 
 While the cobs on his plate lay in tiers. 
 "As to that," answered Q, as he glanced at the heap, 
 
 " 'Twill depend on the length of his ears." 
 
 BONNETS. 
 
 In 1817, when straw bonnets first came into general use, it 
 was common to trim them with artificial wheat or barley, in 
 ears ; whence the following : — 
 
 Who now of threatening famine dare complain, 
 When every female forehead teems with grain ? 
 See how the wheat-sheaves nod amid the plumes : 
 Our barns are now transferred to drawing-rooms, 
 And husbands who indulge in active lives, 
 To fill their granaries, may thresh their wives ! 
 
 Campbell, the poet, was asked by a lady to write something 
 original in her album. He wrote, — 
 
 An original something, dear maid, you would win me 
 
 To write ; but how shall I begin ? 
 For I'm sure I have nothing original in me, 
 
 Excepting original sin. 
 
 44* 
 
522 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 " How very easy 'tis," cries Tom, " to write ! 
 I find 't no hardship verses to indite." 
 " To credit that," quoth Dick, " no oaths we need : 
 The hardship is for those ivho have to read" 
 
 Thy verses are eternal, my friend ! 
 
 For he who reads them, reads them to no end. 
 
 Unfortunate lady, how sad is your lot! 
 
 Your ringlets are red, and your poems are not. 
 
 PRUDENT SIMPLICITY. 
 
 That thou mayst injure no man, dove-like be; 
 
 And serpent-like, that none may injure thee ! — Cowpek. 
 
 TO A FRIEND IN DISTRESS. 
 
 I wish thy lot, now bad, still worse, my friend ; 
 
 For when at worst, they say, things always mend. — Cowpeb. 
 
 HOG VS. BACON. 
 
 Judge Bacon once trying a man, Hog by name, 
 Who made with his lordship of kindred a claim; 
 "Hold," said the judge, — "you're a little mistaken 
 Hog must be hung first before 'tis good Bacon." 
 
 A WARM RECEPTION. 
 
 Rusticus wrote a letter to his love, 
 
 And filled it full of warm and keen desire; 
 
 He hoped to raise a flame, and so he did : 
 The lady put his nonsense in the fire. 
 
 MEDICAL ADVICE. 
 
 " I'm very ill," said Skinflint, once essaying 
 To get a doctor's counsel without paying. 
 " I see it," quoth the wily old physician ; 
 " You're in a most deplorable condition." 
 "But tell me," cried the miser, "for God's sake, 
 Tell me, dear doctor, what I ought to take." 
 " Take ! as to that — why, take, at any price," 
 Replied the leech, "take medical advice!" 
 
 DEFINITION OP A DENTIST. 
 
 A dentist fashions teeth of bone 
 
 For those whom fate has left without, 
 
 And finds provision for his own 
 By pulling other people's out. 
 
EPIGRAMS. 523 
 
 Dr. Samuel G-oodenough, Bishop of Carlisle, preached on one 
 occasion before the House of Commons. The event gave rise 
 to the following : — 
 
 'Tis well-enough that Goodenough 
 
 Before the House should preach; 
 For sure-enough full bad-enough 
 
 Are those he has to teach. 
 
 WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN. 
 
 As two divines their ambling steeds bestriding, 
 In merry mood o'er Boston Neck were riding, 
 Sudden a simple structure met their sight, 
 From which the convict takes his hempen flight; 
 When sailor-like he bids adieu to hope, 
 His all depending on a single rope. 
 " Say, brother," cried the one, " pray where were you 
 Had yonder gallows been allowed its due ?" 
 "Where?" cried the other, in sarcastic tone, 
 "Why, where but riding into town alone." 
 
 A REFLECTION. 
 
 Says the Earth to the Moon "You're a pilfering jade; 
 What you steal from the Sun is beyond all belief." 
 Fair Cynthia replies, "Madam Earth, hold your prate; 
 The receiver is always as bad as the thief." 
 
 "the woman gave me or the tree." 
 
 When Eve upon the first of men 
 The apple pressed with specious cant, 
 Oh, what a thousand pities, then, 
 That Adam was not Adamant. 
 
 THE BLADES OP THE SHEARS. 
 
 Two lawyers when a knotty case was o'er, 
 
 Shook hands, and were as friendly as before; 
 
 " Zounds !" said the client, " I would fain know how 
 
 You can be friends, who were such foes just now?" 
 
 "Thou fool!" said one, "We lawyers, though so keen, 
 
 Like shears, ne'er cut ourselves, but what's between." 
 
524 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 The following was written by Southey on Queen Elizabeth's 
 dining on board Sir Francis Drake's ship, on his return from 
 circumnavigating the globe : — 
 
 Oh, Nature ! to old England still 
 
 Continue these mistakes; 
 Give us for all our Kings such Queens, 
 
 And for our Dux such Brakes. 
 
 INVISIBLE. 
 
 I cannot praise your parson's eyes ; 
 
 I never see his eyes divine, 
 For when he prays he shuts his eyes, 
 
 And when he preaches he shuts mine. 
 
 IMPERSONAL. 
 
 Quoth Madam Bas Bleu, " I hear you have said, 
 Intellectual women are always your dread; 
 
 Now tell me, dear sir, is it true ?" 
 u Why, yes," said the wag, " Very likely I may 
 Have made the remark in a jocular way; 
 
 But then, on my honor, I didn't mean you." 
 
 AFFINITIES. 
 
 "A lady, once, whose love was sold, 
 
 Asked if a reason could be told, 
 
 Why wedding rings were made of gold: 
 
 I ventured thus to instruct her: — 
 Love and lightning are the same; 
 On earth they glance, from Heaven they came : 
 Love is the soul's electric flame — 
 
 And gold its best conductor." 
 
 THE CRIER WHO COULD NOT CRY. 
 
 I heard a judge his tipstaff call 
 
 And say, " Sir, I desire 
 You go forthwith and search the Hall, 
 
 And send to me the crier." 
 ** And search, my Lord, in vain, I may" — 
 
 The tipstaff gravely said — 
 "The Crier cannot cry to-day, 
 
 Because his wife is dead." 
 
EPIGRAMS. 525 
 
 THE PARSON AND BUTCHER. 
 
 A parson and a butcher chanced, they say, 
 
 To meet and moralize one Sabbath day. 
 
 "Ah !" cries the parson, "all things good and fair, 
 
 All that is virtuous, wise, beloved, rare, 
 
 Is sure the first to feel the stroke of fate; 
 
 While vice and folly have a longer date." 
 
 * True," cries the butcher, " for it is decreed, 
 
 The fattest pig, alas ! must soonest bleed." 
 
 THE CLOCK. 
 
 A mechanic his labor will often discard, 
 If the rate of his pay he dislikes ; 
 
 But a clock — and its case is uncommonly hard- 
 Will continue to work though it strikes. — Hood. 
 
 MASCULINE. 
 
 " What pity 'tis," said John, the sage, 
 
 " That women should, for hire, 
 Expose themselves upon the stage, 
 
 By wearing men's attire !" 
 "Expose!" cries Ned, who loves a jeer j 
 
 " In sense you surely fail : 
 What do the darlings have to fear 
 
 When clad in coats-of-ma^e /* 
 
 IN RETURN FOR A LADY'S SKETCH OF THE APOLLO. 
 
 If fair Apollo drew his bow 
 
 As welllis you have drawn it here, 
 No wonder that he carries woe 
 
 To many a maiden far and near. 
 
 One difference, though, I understand, 
 
 Between this picture and the giver : 
 Apollo keeps his bow in hand — 
 
 You keep your beaux upon the quiver. 
 
 WIDOWS. 
 As in India, one day, an Englishman sat 
 
 With a smart native lass at the window, 
 " Do your widows burn themselves ? pray tell me that V* 
 
 Said the pretty, inquisitive Hindoo. 
 " Do they burn ? ah, yes," the gentleman said, 
 
 "With a flame not so easy to smother : 
 Our widows, the moment one husband is dead, 
 
 Immediately burn for another !" — Canning. 
 
526 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 4 
 
 The following epigram by Samuel Rogers, on Lord Dudley's 
 studied speeches in Parliament, was pronounced by Byron, in 
 conversation with Lady Blessington, " one of the best in the 
 English language, with the true Greek talent of expressing, by 
 implication, what is wished to be conveyed :" — 
 
 Ward has no heart, they say, but I deny it : 
 He has a heart, and gets his speeches by it. 
 
 On the marriage of Dr. Webb with Miss Gould, a classical 
 friend sent him the following : — 
 
 Tela fait simplex statuens decus addere telae, 
 Fecit hymen geminam puroque intexuit auro. 
 [Single no more, a double Webb behold ; 
 Hymen embroidered it with virgin Gould.] 
 
 AFTER GOING TO LAW. 
 This law, they say, great nature's chain connects, 
 That causes ever must produce effects. 
 In me behold reversed great nature's laws,— 
 All my effects lost by a single cause. 
 
 SAME JAWBONE. 
 
 Jack eating rotten cheese did say, 
 " Like Samson I my thousands slay." 
 " I vow," says Roger, " so you do, 
 And with the selfsame weapon too." 
 
 A FUNNY DETERMINATION. 
 
 Queenly Miss Quaint, the aim of whose life 
 
 Is to die an old maid or a minister's wife, 
 
 Grotesquely averred, after hearing young Spread, 
 
 " I'll hear him all day, if I walk on my head /" 
 
 ** Good !" said old Hunx, with a comical smile ; 
 
 " But please, if you're late, don't come up the broad aisle !" 
 
 MARRIAGE A LA MODE. 
 " Tom, you should take a wife." " Nay, God forbid !" 
 "I found you one last night." " The deuce you did !" 
 "Softly ! perhaps she'll please you." " Oh, of course !" 
 "Eighteen." "Alarming!" "Witty." " Nay, that's worse !" 
 " Discreet." " All show !" " Handsome." " To lure the fellows !" 
 " High-born." " Ay, haughty !" " Tender-hearted." " Jealous 1" 
 "Talents o'erflowing." "Ay, enough to sluice me!" 
 " And then, Tom, such a fortune !" " Introduce me !" 
 
EPIGRAMS. 527 
 
 QUID PRO QUO. 
 
 "Marriage, not mirage, Jane, here in your letter: 
 With your education, you surely know better." 
 Quickly spoke my young wife, while I sat in confusion, 
 " 'Tis quite correct, Thomas : they're each an illusion." 
 
 WOMAN — CONTRA. 
 
 When Adam, waking, first his lids unfolds 
 In Eden's groves, beside him he beholds 
 Bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh, and knows 
 His earliest sleep has proved his last repose. 
 
 WOMAN — PRO. 
 
 Not she with traitorous kiss her Saviour stung, 
 
 Not she denied him with unholy tongue : 
 
 She, when apostles shrunk, could danger brave ; 
 
 Last at the cross, and earliest at the grave. — Barrett. 
 
 ABUNDANCE OP POOLS. 
 The world of fools has such a store, 
 
 That he who would not see an ass 
 Must bide at home, and bolt his door, 
 
 And break his looking-glass. — La Monnoyb. 
 
 THE WORLD, 
 "lis an excellent world that we live in 
 To lend, to spend, or to give in ; 
 But to borrow, or beg, or get a man's own, 
 *Tis just the worst world that ever was known. 
 
 TERMINER SANS OYER. 
 " Call silence !" the judge to the officer cries ; 
 
 " This hubbub and talk, will it never be done ? 
 Those people this morning have made such a noise, 
 
 We've decided ten causes without hearing one." 
 
 DOUBLE VISION UTILIZED. 
 
 An incipient toper was checked t'other day, 
 In his downward career, in a very strange way. 
 The effect of indulgence, he found to his trouble, 
 Was that after two bottles he came to see double ; 
 When with staggering steps to his home he betook him, 
 He saw always two loivea, sitting up to rebuke him. 
 One wife in her wrath makes a pretty strong case ; 
 But a couple thus scolding, what courage could face? 
 
528 IMPROMPTUS. 
 
 fimprmnptttss. 
 
 One day, as Dr. Young was walking in his garden at "Welwyn 
 in company with two ladies, (one of whom he afterwards mar- 
 ried,) the servant came to acquaint him that a gentleman wished 
 to speak with him. " Tell him," said the doctor, " I am too 
 happily engaged to change my situation." The ladies in- 
 sisted that he should go, as his visitor was a man of rank, his 
 patron, and his friend. But, as persuasion had no effect, one 
 took him by the right arm, the other by the left, and led him 
 to the garden-gate ; when, finding resistance in vain, he bowed, 
 laid his hand upon his heart, and, in that expressive manner 
 for which he was so remarkable, spoke the following lines : — 
 
 Thus Adam looked when from the garden driven, 
 And thus disputed orders sent from heaven. 
 Like him I go, but yet to go I'm loath ; 
 Like him I go, for angels drove us both. 
 Hard was his fate, but mine still more unkind : 
 His Eve went with him, but mine stays behind. 
 
 Ben Jonson having been invited to dine at the Falcon 
 Tavern, where he was already deeply in debt, the landlord pro- 
 mised to wipe out the score if he would tell him what God, 
 and the devil, and the world, and the landlord himself, would 
 be best pleased with. To which the ready poet promptly re- 
 plied : — 
 
 God is best pleased when men forsake their sin ; 
 
 The devil is best pleased when they persist therein ; 
 
 The world's best pleased when thou dost sell good wine ; 
 
 And you're best pleased when I do pay for mine. 
 
 A well-known instance of self-extrication from a dilemma is 
 thus rendered in rhyme : — 
 
 When Queen Elizabeth desired 
 
 That Melville would acknowledge fairly 
 Whether herself he most admired, 
 
 Or his own sovereign, Lady Mary ? 
 The puzzled knight his answer thus expressed:— 
 u In her own country each is handsomest." 
 
IMPROMPTUS. 529 
 
 Burns, going into church one Sunday and finding it difficult 
 to procure a seat, was kindly invited by a young lady into her 
 pew. The sermon being upon the terrors of the law, and the 
 preacher being particularly severe in his denunciation of sin- 
 ners, the lady, who was very attentive, became much agitated. 
 Burns, on perceiving it, wrote with his pencil, on a blank leaf 
 of her Bible, the following : — 
 
 Fair maid, you need not take the hint, 
 
 Nor idle texts pursue : 
 'Twas only sinners that he meant, 
 Not angels such as you. 
 
 One evening at the King's Arms, Dumfries, Burns was called 
 from a party of friends to see an impertinent coxcomb in the 
 form of an English commercial traveller, who patronizingly in- 
 vited the Ayrshire Ploughman to a glass of wine at his table. 
 Entering into conversation with the condescending stranger, 
 Burns soon saw what sort of person he had to deal with. 
 About to leave the room, the poet was urged to give a specimen 
 of his facility in impromptu versifying, when, having asked the 
 name and age of the conceited traveller, he instantly penned 
 and handed him the following stanza, — after which he abruptly 
 
 departed : — 
 
 In seventeen hundred forty-nine, 
 Satan took stuff to make a swine, 
 
 And cuist it in a corner; 
 But wilily he changed his plan, 
 Shaped it to something like a man, 
 
 And ca'd it Andrew Horner. 
 
 After Burke had finished his extraordinary speech against 
 Warren Hastings, the latter (according to the testimony of his 
 private secretary, Mr. Evans) wrote the following sarcastic 
 impromptu : — 
 
 Oft have we wondered that on Irish ground 
 
 No poisonous reptile ever yet was found j 
 
 The secret stands revealed in Nature's work : 
 
 She saved her venom to create a Burke ! 
 
 Dr. Johnson's definition of a note of admiration (!), made on 
 
 the moment, is very neat : — 
 
 21 45 
 
530 IMPROMPTUS. 
 
 I see — I see — I know not what : 
 I see a dash above a dot, 
 Presenting to my contemplation 
 A perfect point of admiration ! 
 
 An old gentleman named Gould, having married a young 
 lady of nineteen, thus addressed his friend Dr. Gr. at the wed- 
 ding festival : — 
 
 So you see, my dear sir, though eighty years old, 
 A girl of nineteen falls in love with old Gould. 
 
 To which ths doctor replied, — 
 
 A girl of nineteen may love Gould, it is true, 
 But believe me, dear sir, it is Gold without U. 
 
 When Percy first published his collection of Ancient English 
 Ballads, he was rather lavish in commendation of their beautiful 
 simplicity. This provoked Dr. Johnson to say one evening, at 
 the tea-table of Miss Reynolds, that he could rhyme as well 
 and as elegantly in common narrative and conversation. u For 
 instance/' said he, — 
 
 " As, with my hat upon my head, 
 
 I walked along the strand, 
 
 I there did meet another man 
 
 With his hat in his hand. 
 
 Or, to render such poetry subservient to my own immediate 
 
 use, — 
 
 I therefore pray thee, Renny dear 
 
 That thou wilt give to me, 
 With cream and sugar softened well, 
 
 Another cup of tea. 
 
 Nor fear that I, my gentle maid, 
 
 Shall long detain the cup, 
 When once unto the bottom I 
 
 Have drank the liquor up. 
 Yet hear, alas ! this mournful truth, 
 
 Nor hear it with a frown } 
 Thou canst not make the tea as fast 
 
 As I can gulp it down." 
 
 Mr. Fox, the great orator, was on one occasion told by a lady 
 that she "did not care three ships of a louse for him." He 
 immediately took out his pencil and wrote the following : — 
 
IMPROMPTUS. 531 
 
 A lady has told me, and in her own house, 
 That she cares not for me " three skips of a louse." 
 I forgive the dear creature for what she has said, 
 Since women will talk of what runs in their head. 
 
 Barty Willard, who formerly lived in the northern part of 
 Vermont, was noted for his careless, vagabond habits, ready 
 wit, and remarkable facility at extempore rhyming. Sitting 
 one day in a village store, among a crowd of idlers who always 
 gathered about him on his arrival, the merchant asked Barty 
 " why he always wore that shocking bad hat." Barty replied 
 that it was simply because he was unable to purchase a new 
 one. 
 
 " Come," said the merchant ; " make me a good rhyme on 
 the old hat immediately, without stopping to think, and I'll 
 give you the best castor in the store." Whereupon Barty 
 threw his old tile on the floor, and began : — 
 
 Here lies my old hat, 
 
 And, pray, what of that? 
 'Tis as good as the rest of my raiment : 
 
 If I buy me a better, 
 
 You'll make me your debtor 
 And send me to jail for the payment. 
 
 The new hat was adjudged, by the "unanimous vote of the 
 house," to belong to Barty, who wore it off in triumph, saying, 
 "it was a poor head that couldn't take care of itself." 
 
 An Oxford and Cambridge man, who had had frequent dis- 
 putes concerning the divinity of Christ, chancing to meet in 
 company, the former, with a serio-comical air, wrote the follow- 
 ing lines and handed them to the latter : — 
 
 Tu Judse similis Dominumque Deumque negasti; 
 Dissimilis Judas est tibi — poenituit. 
 [You, Judas like, your Lord and God denied; 
 Judas, unlike to you, repentant sighed.] 
 
 Whereupon the " heretic" retorted, — 
 
 Tu simul et similis Judae, tu dissimilisque; 
 Judse iterum similis sis, laqueumque petas. 
 [You are like Judas, yet unlike that elf; 
 Once more like Judas be, and hang yourself.] 
 
532 IMPROMPTUS. 
 
 The common phrase Give the Devil his due, was turned very 
 wittily by a member of the bar in North Carolina, some years 
 ago, on three of his legal brethren. During the trial of a case, 
 Hillman, Dews, and Swain (all distinguished lawyers, and the 
 last-named President of the State University) handed James 
 Dodge, the Clerk of the Supreme Court, the following epitaph : — 
 Here lies James Dodge, who dodged all good, 
 
 And never dodged an evil : 
 And, after dodging all he could, 
 He could not dodge the Devil ! 
 Mr. Dodge sent back to the gentlemen the annexed im- 
 promptu reply, which may be considered equal to any thing 
 ever expressed in the best days of Queens Anne or Bess : — 
 Here lies a Hillman and a Swain j 
 
 Their lot let no man choose : 
 They lived in sin, and died in pain, 
 And the Devil got his dues ! (Dews.) 
 
 A lady wrote with a diamond on a pane of glass,— 
 God did at first make man upright; but he — 
 
 To which a gentleman added, — 
 
 Most surely had continued so ; but she — 
 
 A lady wrote upon a window some verses, intimating her de- 
 sign of never marrying. A gentleman wrote the following 
 lines underneath : — 
 
 The lady whose resolve these words betoken, 
 Wrote them on glass, to show it may be broken. 
 
 Sir Walter Raleigh having written on a window, — 
 
 Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall, — 
 Queen Elizabeth, the instant she saw it, wrote under it, — 
 
 If thy heart fail thee, climb not at all. 
 
 Perhaps the most delicate flattery ever uttered was that of 
 the ambassador, who, being asked by a beautiful queen, upon 
 his introduction to her court, whether a celebrated beauty in 
 his own country was the handsomest woman he had ever seen, 
 replied, " I thought so yesterday." 
 
IMPROMPTUS. 533 
 
 A party of gentlemen at Lord Macclesfield's, one evening, 
 agreed to amuse themselves by drawing tickets on which various 
 uncomplimentary devices were written. These were extempora- 
 neously turned into compliments by Cowper as follows : 
 
 Vanity.— Drawn by Lord Macclesfield. 
 
 Be vain, my lord, you have a right j 
 For who, like you, can boast this night, 
 A group assembled in one place 
 Fraught with such beauty, wit and grace ? 
 Insensibility. — Mr. Marsham. 
 
 Insensible can Marsham be ? 
 Yes and no fault you must agree ; 
 His heart his virtue only warms, 
 Insensible to vice's charms. 
 
 Inconstancy. — Mr. Adams. 
 
 Inconstancy there is no harm in, 
 In Adams where it looks so charming : 
 Who wavers as, he well may boast, 
 Which virtue he shall follow most. 
 
 Impudence. — Mr. St. John. 
 
 St. John, your vice you can't disown : 
 For in this age 'tis too well known, 
 That impudent that man must bo 
 Who dares from folly to be free. 
 
 Intemperance. — Mr. Gerard. 
 
 Intemperance implies excess : 
 Changed though the name, the fault's not less ; 
 Yet, blush not, Gerard, there's no need,— 
 In all that's worthy you exceed. 
 
 A Blank was drawn by Mr. Legge. 
 
 If she a blank for Legge designed, 
 
 Sure Fortune is no longer blind ; /■ 
 
 For we shall fill the paper given 
 
 With every virtue under heaven. 
 
 Cowardice.— Gen. Caillard. 
 
 Most soldiers cowardice disclaim, 
 But Caillard owns it without shame; 
 Bold in whate'er to arms belong, 
 He wants the courage to do wrong. 
 45* 
 
534 REFRACTORY RHYMING. 
 
 A traveller, upon reading the inscription affixed to the gates 
 of Bandon, (a town in Ireland originally peopled by English 
 Protestants,) — 
 
 Jew, Turk or Atheist enter here ; 
 But let no Papist dare appear, — 
 
 wrote the following smart reply underneath: — 
 
 He who wrote this wrote it well ; 
 
 The same is written on the gates of hell. 
 
 At one of Burns' convivial dinners he was requested to say 
 grace; whereupon he gave the following impromptu: — 
 
 Lord, we do thee humbly thank 
 
 For that we little merit. — 
 Now Jean may take the flesh away, 
 
 And Will bring in the spirit. 
 
 Ifttfractotg §fti)gmtng. 
 
 When Canning was challenged to find a rhyme for Julianna^ 
 he immediately wrote, — 
 
 Walking in the shady grove 
 
 With my Julianna, 
 For lozenges I gave my love 
 
 Ipecacuanha. 
 
 Ipecacuanha lozenges, though a myth when the stanza was 
 written, are now commonly sold by apothecaries. 
 
 Three or four wits, while dining together, discussed the 
 difficulty of finding rhymes for certain names. General Morris 
 challenged any of the party to find a happy rhyme for his name; 
 and the challenge was instantly taken up by John Brougham, 
 whose facility at extempore rhyming is proverbial : — 
 
 All hail to thee, thou gifted son ! 
 
 The warrior-poet Morris ! 
 'Tis seldom that we see in one 
 
 A Caesar and a Horace. 
 
REFRACTORY RHYMING. 535 
 
 Some years ago a French speculator found himself ruined by 
 a sudden collapse in the stock-market. He resolved to commit 
 suicide, but, as he was a connoisseur in monumental literature, 
 he decided first to compose his own epitaph. The first line — a 
 very fine one — terminated with the word triomphe. To this, 
 search as he might, he could find no rhyme, and he could not 
 bring himself to sacrifice his beloved line. Time passed, finding 
 him still in search of his rhyme, assisted by a number of 
 benevolent friends, but all in vain. One day a promising specu- 
 lation presented itself: he seized the opportunity and regained 
 his fortune. 
 
 The rhyme so zealously sought has at length been found, and 
 the epitaph completed. Here it is: — 
 
 Attendre que de soi la vetuste" triomphe, 
 C'est absurde ! Je vais au devant de la mort. 
 Mourir a plus d'attraits quand on est jeune encore: 
 A quoi bon devenir un vieillard monogomphe? 
 
 Monogomphe; a brilliant Hellenism signifying "who has but 
 a single tooth." 
 
 To get a rhyme in English for the word month was quite a 
 matter of interest with curious people years ago, and somebody 
 made it out or forced it by making a quatrain, in which a lisp- 
 ing little girl is described as saying: — 
 
 1 can get a rhyme for a month. 
 
 I can thay it now, I thed it wunth ! 
 
 Another plan was to twist the numeral one into an ordinal. 
 For instance : — 
 
 Search through the works of Thackeray — you'll find a rhyme to month ; 
 He tells us of Phil Fogarty, of the fighting onety-oneth 1 
 
 A parallel lisp is as follows : — 
 
 " You can't," says Tom to lisping Bill, 
 
 "Find any rhyme for month." 
 "A great mithtake," was Bill's reply; 
 
 "I'll find a rhyme at onth." 
 
536 REFRACTORY RHYMING. 
 
 And 
 
 Among our numerous English rhymes, 
 
 They say there's none to month; 
 I tried and failed a hundred times, 
 
 But succeeded the hundred and onth. 
 
 But these are hardly fair. The rhyme is good, but the English 
 is bad. Christina Rosetti has done better in the admirable 
 book of nursery rhymes which she has published under the 
 title of Sing- Song : — 
 
 How many weeks in a month ? 
 Four, as the swift moon runn'th — 
 
 In both of these instances, however, the rhymes are evasions 
 of the real issue. The problem is not to make a word by com- 
 pounding two, or distorting one, but to find a word ready-made, 
 in our unabridged dictionaries that will rhyme properly to 
 month. We believe there is none. Nor is there a fair rhyme 
 to the word silver, nor to spirit, nor to chimney. Horace Smith, 
 one of the authors of the Rejected Addresses, once attempted 
 to make one for chimney on a bet, and he did it in this way : — 
 
 Standing on roof and by chimney 
 „ Are master and 'prentice with slim knee. 
 
 Another dissyllabic poser is liquid. Mr. C. A. Bristed at- 
 tempts to meet it as follows : — 
 
 After imbibing liquid, 
 
 A man in the South 
 Duly proceeds to stick quid 
 (Very likely a thick quid) 
 
 Into his mouth. 
 
 And "Mickey Rooney" contributes this: — 
 
 Shure Quicquid is a thick wit, 
 If he can not rhyme to liquid, 
 A thing that any Mick wid 
 The greatest aise can do: 
 
REFRACTORY RHYMING. 537 
 
 Just take the herb called chick-weed, 
 Which they often cure the sick wid, 
 That's a dacent rhyme for liquid, 
 And from a Mickey, too. 
 
 Some one having challenged a rhyme for carpet, the follow- 
 ing "lines to a pretty barmaid" were elicited in response: — 
 
 Sweet maid of the inn, 
 
 'Tis surely no sin 
 To toast such a beautiful bar pet; 
 
 Believe me, my dear, 
 
 Your feet would appear 
 At home on a nobleman's carpet. 
 
 Rhymes were thus found for window: — 
 
 A cruel man a beetle caught, 
 And to the wall him pinned, oh ! 
 Then said the beetle to the crowd, 
 "Though I'm stuck up I am not proud," 
 And his soul went out of the window. 
 
 Bold Robin Hood, that archer good, 
 
 Shot down fat buck and thin doe ; 
 Rough storms withstood in thick greenwood, 
 
 Nor care for door or window. 
 
 This for garden : — 
 
 Though Afric's lion be not here 
 In showman's stoutly barred den, 
 
 An "Irish Lion" you may see 
 At large in Winter Garden. 
 
 The difficulty with porringer has thus been overcome:— 
 
 The second James a daughter had, 
 
 Too fine to lick a porringer; 
 He sought her out a noble lad, 
 
 And gave the Prince of Orange her. 
 
 And in this stanza: — 
 
 When nations doubt our power to fight, 
 
 We smile at every foreign jeer ; 
 And with untroubled appetite, 
 
 Still empty plate and porringer. 
 
538 REFRACTORY RHYMING. 
 
 These for orange and lemon: — 
 
 I gave my darling child a lemon, 
 
 That lately grew its fragrant stem on ; 
 
 And next, to give her pleasure more range 
 
 I offered her a juicy orange, 
 
 And nuts — she cracked them in the door-hinge. 
 
 And many an ill, grim, 
 And travel-worn pilgrim, 
 
 has traveled far out of his way before succeeding with widow:— 
 
 Who would not always as he's hid do, 
 Should never think to wed a widow. 
 
 The jury found that Pickwick did owe 
 Damages to Bardell's widow. 
 
 Pickwick loquitur: — 
 
 Since of this suit I now am rid, 0, 
 Ne'er again I'll lodge with a widow ! 
 
 Among the stubborn proper names are Tipperary and 
 Timbuctoo. The most successful effort to match the latter was 
 an impromptu by a gentleman who had accompanied a lady 
 home from church one Sunday evening, and who found her 
 hymn-book is his pocket next morning. He returned it with 
 these lines : — 
 
 My dear and much respected Jenny, 
 You must have thought me quite a ninny 
 
 For carrying off your hymn-hook to 
 My house. Had you thoughts visionary, 
 And did you dream some missionary 
 
 Had flown with it to Timhuctoo? 
 
 Another attempt runs thus: — 
 
 I went a hunting on the plains, 
 
 The plains of Timbuctoo ; 
 I shot one buck for all my pains, 
 
 And he was a slim buck too. 
 
 An unattainable rhyme might be sought for iftmne,. had 
 
 not Byron said — 
 
 Euxine, 
 
 The dirtiest little sea that mortal ever pukes in. 
 
REFRACTORY RHYMING. 539 
 
 The following is from Tom Moore's Fudge Family in 
 Paris : — 
 
 Take instead of rope, pistol, or dagger, a 
 Desperate dash down the Falls of Niagara. 
 
 A request for a rhyme for Mackonochie elicited numerous 
 replies, one of which, in reference to a charitable occasion, 
 begins thus : — 
 
 Who, folk bestowing 
 
 Their alms, when o'erflowing, 
 
 The coffer unlocks? 
 Fingers upon a key 
 Placing, Mackonochie 
 
 Opens the box. 
 
 Canning's amusing little extravaganza, with which everybody 
 is familiar, beginning : — 
 
 Whene'er with haggard eyes I view 
 The dungeon that I'm rotting in, 
 I think of the companions true 
 Who studied with me at the U- 
 
 niversity of Gottingen, 
 
 has been parodied a hundred times ; but it is itself a parody of 
 Pindar, whose fashion of dividing words in his odes all students 
 of the classics have abundant occasion to remember. The last 
 stanza was appended by William Pitt, — a fact not generally 
 known : — 
 
 Sun, moon, and thou, vain world, adieu, 
 That kings and priests are plotting in 
 Here doomed to starve on water gru- 
 el, never shall I see the U- 
 
 niversity of Gottingen. 
 
 Of these fantastic rhymes, Richard Harris Barham, has given 
 us the finest examples in the language, in his celebrated "In- 
 goldsby Legends." In the legend "Look at the Clock," we 
 have'this : — 
 
 " Having once gained the summit, and managed to cross it, he 
 Rolls down the side with uncommon velocity." 
 
540 REFRACTORY RHYMING. 
 
 This from "The Ghost":— 
 
 "And, being of a temper somewhat warm, 
 
 Would now and then seize upon small occasion, 
 A stick or stool, or anything that round did lie, 
 And baste her lord and master most confoundedly." 
 
 In the "Tragedy" we have one even more whimsical and 
 comical : — 
 
 " The poor little Page, too, himself got no quarter, but 
 
 Was served the same way, 
 
 And was found the next day 
 With his heels in the air, and his head in the water-butt." 
 
 Byron has more than matched any of these in completeness 
 of rhyme and extent, if we may call it so, of rhyming surface, 
 and matched even himself in acidity of cynicism, in his 
 couplet : — 
 
 " Ye lords of ladies intellectual, 
 
 Come tell me, have they not hen-pecked you all." 
 
 Punch has some very funny samples of eccentric rhymes, of 
 which the best is one that spells out the final word of a couplet, 
 the last letter or two, making so many syllables rhyme with the 
 ending word of the preceding line. Thus : — 
 
 " Me drunk ! the cobbler cried, the devil trouble you, 
 
 You want to kick up a blest r-o-w, 
 
 I've just returned from a teetotal party, 
 
 Twelve on us jammed in a spring c-a-r-t, 
 
 The man as lectured now, was drunk; why bless ye, 
 
 He's sent home in a c-h-a-i-s-e." 
 
 Twenty-five years or more ago, in Boston, Monday was the 
 gathering time for Universalist clergymen, Tompkins' book 
 store being the place of rendezvous. At these unions, King, 
 Chapin, Hosea Ballou, Whittemore, and other notabilities, were 
 pretty sure to be present; and as it was immediately after the 
 graver labors of the Sabbath, the parsons were apt to be in an 
 unusually frisky condition. 
 
REFRACTORY RHYMING. 541 
 
 Chapin, ordinarily, is of reticent habit ; but when the company 
 is congenial, an J he is in exhilarant mood, his wonderful flow 
 of language and quick perception make him a companion rarely 
 equalled for wit and repartee. On one occasion, when King and 
 Chapin, and a dozen other clergymen were at Tompkins's, as was 
 their wont, Chapin began to rhyme upon the names of those* 
 present. Without a moment's hesitation, he ran off the name 
 of each, rhyming it in verse, to the huge delight of the com- 
 pany. Finally, after exhausting that list, the names of absent 
 clergymen were given to the ready poet, and there was not a 
 single failure. At last a clergyman said : — 
 
 "I can give you a name, Brother Chapin, to which you 
 cannot make a rhyme." 
 
 "Well, what is it?" 
 , "Brother Brimblecomb." 
 
 Without a moment's pause, Chapin said : — 
 
 " There was a man in our town, 
 
 His name — they called it Brimblecomb J 
 
 He stole the tailor's needle and shears, 
 But couldn't make the thimble come." 
 
 Butler's facility in overcoming stubborn words is amusing. 
 For instance : — 
 
 There was an ancient sage philosopher, 
 Who had read Alexander Ross over. 
 
 Coleridge, on the eve of his departure from Grottingen, being 
 requested by a student of the same class in the university to 
 write in his Stammbuch, or album, complied as follows: — 
 
 We both attended the same college, 
 Where sheets of paper we did blur many ; 
 
 And now we're going to sport our knowledge, 
 In England I, and you in Germany. 
 
 Father Prout, in his polyglot praise of rum punch, says: — 
 
 Doth love, young chiel, one's bosom ruffle ? 
 Would any feel ripe for a scuffle ? 
 The simplest plan is just to take a 
 Well stiffened can of old Jamaica. 
 
542 REFRACTORY RHYMING. 
 
 We parted by the gate in June, 
 
 That soft and balmy month, 
 Beneath the sweetly beaming moon, 
 
 And (wonth — hunth — sunth — bunth— I can't find a rhyme to month) 
 
 Years were to pass ere we should meet ; 
 
 A wide and yawning gulf » 
 
 ' Divides me from my love so sweet, 
 
 While (ulf— sulf— dulf— mulf— stuck again ; I can't get any rhyme to 
 gulf. I'm in a gulf myself). 
 
 Oh, how I dreaded in my soul 
 
 To part from my sweet nymph, 
 While years should their long seasons roll 
 
 Before (nymph— dymph— ymph— I guess I'll have to let it go at that). 
 
 Beneath my fortune's stern decree 
 
 My lonely spirit sunk, 
 For a weary soul was mine to be 
 
 And (hunk — dunk — runk — sk — that will never do in the world). 
 
 She buried her dear, lovely face 
 
 Within her azure scarf, 
 She knew I'd take the wretchedness 
 
 As well as (parf— sarf— darf— half-and-half ; that won't answer either). 
 
 0, I had loved her many years, 
 
 I loved her for herself; 
 I loved her for her tender fears, 
 
 And also for her (welf— nelf— helf— pelf ; no, no ; not for her pelf). 
 
 I took between my hands her head, 
 
 How sweet her lips did pouch ! 
 I kissed her lovingly and said : 
 
 (Bouch — mouche — louche — ouch; not a bit of it did I say ouch!) 
 
 I sorrowfully wrung her hand. 
 
 My tears they did escape, 
 My sorrow I could not command, 
 
 And I was but a (sape — dape — fape — ape ; well, perhaps I did feel like 
 an ape). 
 
 I gave to her a fond adieu, 
 
 Sweet pupil of love's school; 
 I told her I would e'er be true, 
 And always be a (dool — sool — mool — fool ; since I come to think of it, I 
 was a fool, for she fell in love with another fellow before I was 
 gone a month). 
 
REFRACTORY RHYMING. 543 
 
 Hood's Nocturnal Sketch presents a remarkable example of 
 la difficult vaincue. Most bards find it sufficiently difficult to 
 obtain one rhyming word at the end of a line ; but Hood 
 secures three, with an ease which is as graceful as it is sur- 
 prising : — 
 
 Even has come ; and from the dark park, hark 
 
 The signal of the setting sun — one gun ! 
 
 And six is sounding from the chime — prime time 
 
 To go and see the Drury Lane Dane slain, 
 
 Or hear Othello's jealous douht spout out, 
 
 Or Macbeth raving at that shade-made blade, 
 
 Denying to his frantic clutch much such; 
 
 Or else to see Ducrow, with wide tide, stride 
 
 Four horses as no other man can span; 
 
 Or in the small Olympic pit, sit split, 
 
 Laughing at Liston, while you quiz his phiz. 
 
 Anon night comes, and with her wings brings things 
 Such as, with his poetic tongue, Young sung : 
 The gas up blazes with its bright white light, 
 And paralytic watchmen prowl, howl, growl, 
 About the streets, and take up Pail-Mall Sal, 
 Who, trusting to her nightly jobs, robs fobs. 
 Now thieves do enter for your cash, smash, crash, 
 Past drowsy Charley, in a deep sleep, creep, 
 But, frightened by policeman B 3, flee, 
 And while they're going, whisper low, " No go !" 
 
 Now puss, while folks are in their beds, treads leads, 
 And sleepers grumble, Drat that cat! 
 Who in the gutter caterwauls, squalls, mauls 
 Some feline foe, and screams in shrill ill will. 
 
 Now bulls of Bashan, of a prize size, rise 
 
 In childish dreams, and with a roar gore poor 
 
 Georgy, or Charles, or Billy, willy nilly ; 
 
 But nurse-maid, in a night-mare rest, chest-pressed, 
 
 Dreameth of one of her old flames, James Grcemes, 
 
 And that she hears — what faith is man's — Ann's banns 
 
 And his, from Reverend Mr. Rice, twice, thrice; 
 
 White ribbons flourish, and a stout shout out, 
 
 That upward goes, shows Rose knows those beaux' woes. 
 
544 VALENTINES. 
 
 Valtntintp. 
 
 A STRATEGIC LOVE-LETTER. 
 
 The following love-letter, dated in 1661, was sent by Philip, 
 second Earl of Chesterfield, to Lady Russell : — 
 
 Madam: — The dullness of this last cold season doth afford nothing that 
 is new to divert you; only here is a report that I fain would know the 
 truth of, which is, that I am extremely in love with you. Pray let me 
 know if it be true or no, since I am certain that nothing but yourself can 
 rightly inform me ; for if you intend to use me favorably, and do think I 
 am in love with you, I most certainly am so ; but if you intend to receive 
 me coldly, and do not believe that I am in love, I also am sure that I am 
 not; therefore let me entreat you to put me out of a doubt which makes 
 the greatest concern of, 
 
 Dear Madam, your most obedient faithful servant, 
 
 Chesterfield. 
 
 (It is the part of a. skillful general to secure a good retreat.) 
 
 WRITTEN IN SYMPATHETIC INK. 
 
 Deax girl, if thou hadst been less fair, 
 
 Or I had been more bold, 
 The burning words I now would write, 
 
 Ere this, my tongue had told. 
 
 True to its bashful instinct still, 
 
 My love erects this screen, 
 And writes the words it dare not speak 
 
 In ink that can't be seen. 
 
 CYPTOGRAPHIC CORRESPONDENCE. 
 
 A lady wrote to a gentleman thus : — 
 
 " I shall be much obliged to you, as reading alone engages my attention 
 at present, if you will lend me any one of the Eight volumes of the Spec- 
 tator. I hope you will excuse this freedom, but for a winter's evening I 
 don't know a better entertainment. If I fail to return it soon, never trust 
 me for the time to come." 
 
 The words successively italicized convey the secret invitation. 
 
VALENTINES. 545 
 
 macaulay's VALENTINE. 
 
 The following valentine from Lord Macaulay to the Hon. 
 Mary C. Stanhope, daughter of Lord and Lady Mahon, 1851, 
 is worthy of being preserved for the sake as much of its author 
 as of its own merits: — 
 
 Hail, day of music, day of love ! 
 
 On earth below, and air above. 
 
 In air the turtle fondly moans, 
 
 The linnet pipes in joyous tones : 
 
 On earth the postman toils along, 
 
 Bent double by huge bales of song. 
 
 Where, rich with many a gorgeous dye, 
 
 Blazes all Cupid's heraldry — 
 
 Myrtles and roses, doves and sparrows, 
 
 Love-knots and altars, lamps and arrows. 
 
 What nymph without wild hopes and fears 
 
 The double-rap this morning hears ? 
 
 Unnumbered lasses, young and fair, 
 
 From Bethnel Green to Belgrave Square, 
 
 With cheeks high flushed, and hearts loud beating, 
 
 Await the tender annual greeting. 
 
 The loveliest lass of all is mine — 
 
 Good morrow to my Valentine ! 
 
 Good morrow, gentle child : and then, 
 Again good morrow, and again, 
 Good morrow following still good morrow, 
 Without one cloud of strife or sorrow. 
 And when the god to whom we pay 
 In jest our homages to-day 
 Shall come to claim no more in jest, 
 His rightful empire o'er thy breast, 
 Benignant may his aspect be, 
 His yoke the truest liberty: 
 And if a tear his power confess, 
 Be it a tear of happiness. 
 It shall be so. The Muse displays 
 The future to her votary's gaze : 
 Prophetic range my bosom swells — 
 I taste the cake — I hear the bells ! 
 From Conduit street the close array 
 Of chariots barricades the way 
 2K 46* 
 
546 VALENTINES. 
 
 ' To where I see, with outstretched hand, 
 Majestic thy great kinsman stand,* 
 And half unbend his brow of pride, 
 As welcoming so fair a bride ; 
 Gay favors, thick as flakes of snow, 
 Brighten St. George's portico : 
 Within I see the chancel's pale, 
 The orange flowers, the Brussels veil, 
 The page on which tbose fingers white, 
 Still trembling from the awful rite, 
 For the last time shall faintly trace 
 The name of Stanhope's noble race. 
 I see kind faces round thee pressing, 
 I hear kind voices whisper blessing: 
 And with those voices mingles mine — 
 All good attend my Valentine ! 
 St. Valentine's Day, 1851. T. B. Macaulay. 
 
 Very tender are Burns' verses to his ladie loves. For 
 instance : — 
 
 Oh ! were I in the wildest waste, 
 
 Sae black and bare, sae black and bare, 
 The desert were a paradise 
 
 If thou wert there, if thou wert there ; 
 Or, were I monarch of the globe, 
 
 Wi' thee to reign, wi' thee to reign, 
 The brightest jewel in my crown 
 
 Wad be my queen, wad be my queen. 
 
 TEUTONIC ALLITERATION. 
 
 du Dido, die du da den, der den, den du liebst liebt, lieb 'o liebste des 
 Freundes, den Freund des Freundes, des Freundes wegen.f 
 
 [0 you Dido, you who, him, who him you love, loves, love dearest of 
 the friend, the friend's friend, for the friend's sake.] 
 
 * Statue of Mr. Pitt, in Hanover Square. 
 
 •f-This will remind some of our German readers of the following inscription :— 
 Der, der den, der den, den 15ten Marz hier gesetzten Warnungspfahl, das niemand 
 
 etwas in das Wasser werfen sollte, selbst in das Wasser geworfen hat, auzeigt, erhalt 
 
 zehn Thaler Belohnung. 
 (Whoever, him, who, on the 15th of March the here placed warning-post, that 
 
 nobody should throw any thing into the water, has thrown the post itself into the 
 
 water, denounces, receives a reward of Ten Dollars.) 
 
< 
 
 VALENTINES. 
 
 547 
 
 A LOVER 
 
 TO HIS SWEETHEART. 
 
 Your face, 
 So fair, 
 
 First bent, 
 Mine eye, 
 
 your tongue, 
 so sweet, 
 then drew, 
 mine ear, 
 
 your wit, 
 so sharp, 
 then hit, 
 my heart. 
 
 Mine eye, 
 To like, 
 
 Your face, 
 Doth lead, 
 
 mine ear, 
 to learn, 
 your tongue, 
 doth teach, 
 
 my heart, 
 to love, 
 your wit, 
 doth move. 
 
 Your face, 
 
 With beams, 
 Doth bind, 
 
 Mine eye, 
 
 your tongue, 
 with sound, 
 doth charm, 
 mine ear, 
 
 your wit, 
 with art, 
 doth rule, 
 my heart. 
 
 Mine eye, 
 With life, 
 
 Your face, 
 Doth feed, 
 
 mine ear, 
 with hope, 
 your tongue, 
 
 doth feast, 
 
 my heart, 
 with skill, 
 your wit, 
 doth fill. 
 
 face ! 
 
 With frowns, 
 Wrong not, 
 
 Mine eye, 
 
 tongue! 
 with check, 
 vex not, 
 mine ear, 
 
 wit! 
 with smart, 
 wound not, 
 my heart. 
 
 This eye, 
 Shall joy, 
 
 Your face, 
 To serve, 
 
 this ear, 
 shall bend, 
 your tongue, 
 to trust, 
 
 this heart, 
 shall swear, 
 your wit, 
 to fear. 
 
 The lines may be read either from left to right, or from above 
 downwards. They may also be read in various directions. 
 
 CARDIAC EFFUSION, 
 
 
 Somebody named John Birchall wrote the following lines in 
 1684 with his "heart's blood":— 
 
 These loving lines which I to you have sent, 
 In secrecy in my heart's blood are pent, 
 Y e pen I slipt as I y e pen did make, 
 And freely bleeds, and will do for your sake. 
 
548 VALENTINES. 
 
 MACARONIC VALENTINE. 
 
 Geist und sinn mich beiigen iiber 
 Vous zu dire das ich Sie liebe ! 
 Das herz que vous so lightly spurn 
 To you und sie allein will turn 
 Unbarmherzig — pourquoi scorn 
 Mon coeur with love and anguish torn ? 
 Croyez vous das my despair 
 Votre bonheur can swell or faire ? 
 Schbnheit kann nicht cruel sein 
 Mepris ist keine macht divine, 
 Then, oh then, it can't be thine. 
 Glaube das mine love is true, 
 Changeless, deep wie Hiinmel's blue— 
 Que l'amour that now I swear 
 Zu Dir Ewigkeit I'll bear. 
 Glaube das the gentle rays 
 Born and nourished in thy gaze 
 Sur mon coeur will ever dwell 
 Comme a l'instant when they fell — 
 Mechante ! that you know full well. 
 
 G-eorge Digby, Earl of Bristol, one of the most graceful 
 writers of the Seventeenth Century, is credited with this : — 
 
 Fair Archabella, to thy eyes, 
 That flame just blushes in the skies, 
 Each noble heart doth sacrifice. 
 Yet be not cruel, since you may, 
 Whene'er you please, to save or slay, 
 Or with a frown benight the day. 
 I do not wish that you should rest 
 In any unknown highway breast, 
 The lodging of each common guest, 
 But I present a bleeding heart, 
 Wounded by love, not pricked by art, 
 That never knew a former smart. 
 Be pleased to smile, and then I live; 
 But if a frown, a death you give, 
 For which it were a sin to grieve. 
 Yet if it be decreed I fall, 
 Grant but one boon, one boon is all : — 
 That you would me your martyr call. 
 
VALENTINES. 549 
 
 A COLORED MAN'S LOVE-LETTER. 
 
 A colored man living in Detroit had long admired a colored 
 widow in a neighboring street, but being afraid to reveal his 
 passion, went to a white man and asked him to write the lady 
 a letter asking her hand in marriage. The friend wrote, telling 
 the woman in a few brief lines that the size of her feet was the 
 talk of the neighborhood, and asking her if she couldn't pare 
 them down a little. The name of the colored man was signed, 
 and he was to call on her for an answer. Subsequently the wri- 
 ter of the letter met the negro limping along the street, and asked 
 him what the widow said. The man showed him a bloodshot 
 eye, a scratched nose, a lame leg, and a spot on the scalp where a 
 handful of wool had been violently jerked out; and he answered 
 in solemn tones: "She didn't say nuffin, an' I didn't stay dar 
 mor'n a minute ! " 
 
 UNPUBLISHED VERSES OP THOMAS MOORE. 
 
 Bright leaf, when storms thy bloom shall wither, 
 
 Oh, fly for calm and shelter hither ; 
 
 And I will prize thy tints as truly 
 
 As when in Spring they blossom newly. 
 
 Bright leaf, when storms thy blooms shall wither, 
 
 Oh, fly for calm and shelter hither. 
 
 Sweet maid, while hope and rapture cheer thee, 
 
 'Tis not for me to linger near thee; 
 
 But when joys fade and hope deceives thee, 
 
 When all that soothes and flatters leaves thee — 
 
 Oh, then, how sweet in one forsaken, 
 
 Fresh hopes and joys again to waken ! 
 
 EGYPTIAN SERENADE. 
 
 Sing again the song you sung 
 When we were together young — 
 When there were but you and I 
 Underneath the summer sky. 
 Sing the song, and sing it o'er, 
 Though I know that nevermore 
 Will it seem the song you sung 
 When we were together young. 
 
550 VALENTINES. 
 
 PETITIONS. 
 
 THE MAIDS AND WIDOWS. 
 
 The following petition, signed by sixteen maids of Charles- 
 ton, South Carolina, was presented to the Governor of that 
 province in March, 1733, "the day of the feast": — 
 
 To His Excellency Governor Johnson. 
 
 The humble petition of all the Maids whose names are under- 
 written : — Whereas, We the humble petitioners are at present in 
 a very melancholy disposition of mind, considering how all the 
 bachelors are blindly captivated by widows, and our more youth- 
 ful charms thereby neglected: the consequence of this our re- 
 quest is, that your Excellency will for the future order that no 
 widow shall presume to marry any young man till the maids are 
 provided for; or else to pay each of them a fine for satisfaction, 
 for invading our liberties; and likewise a fine to be laid on all 
 such bachelors as shall be married to widows. The great dis- 
 advantage it is to us maids, is, that the widows, by their forward 
 carriages, do snap up the young men; and have the vanity to 
 think their merits beyond ours, which is a great imposition 
 upon us who ought to have the preference. 
 
 This is humbly recommended to your Excellency's con- 
 sideration, and hope you will prevent any farther insults. 
 
 And we poor Maids as in duty bound will ever pray. 
 
 P. S. — I, being the oldest maid, and therefore most con- 
 cerned, do think it proper to be the messenger to your Ex- 
 cellency in behalf of my fellow subscribers. 
 
 A MALADROIT PETITION. 
 
 An autograph of Madame de Maintenon has recently been 
 discovered at Chateau-Guinon, the history of which is curious. 
 A worthy priest of Cuiseaux, a small Commune of La Brasse, 
 desiring to repair his church, which was becoming dilapidated, 
 had the happy idea of addressing himself to Madame de Mainte- 
 non, whose charitable bounty was upon every tongue. Not 
 
SONNETS. 551 
 
 being in the habit of corresponding with the great, the style of 
 his supplication cost him much thought, but at last he produced 
 a memorial commencing as follows : — 
 
 "Madame: — You enjoy the reputation, which I doubt not is 
 well founded, of according your favors to all who solicit them. 
 I therefore venture to appeal to your bounty in behalf of the 
 church of Cuiseaux," etc. 
 
 The exalted lady had no sooner cast her eyes upon the poor 
 priest's unlucky exordium, than she flew into a rage, and had 
 him thrown into prison, whence it was with great difficulty that 
 his friends procured a release. The story seems apocryphal, 
 but the memorial bears the following indorsement in the hand- 
 writing of Madame de Maintenon : — The lieutenant of police 
 is ordered to issue a lettre-de-cachet against the signer of this 
 petition. 
 
 Sonnets. 
 
 WRITING A SONNET. 
 
 Doris, the fair, a sonnet needs must have ; 
 
 I ne'er was so put to 't before; — a Sonnet! 
 
 Why fourteen verses must be spent upon it ; 
 'Tis good howe'er to have conquered the first stave, 
 Yet I shall ne'er find rhymes enough by half, 
 
 Said I, and found myself i' th' midst o' the second. 
 
 If twice four verses were but fairly reckoned 
 I should turn back on th' hardest part and laugh. 
 
 Thus far with good success I think I've scribbled, 
 
 And of the twice seven lines have clean got o'er ten. 
 Courage ! another '11 finish the first triplet, 
 
 Thanks to thee, Muse, my work begins to shorten, 
 There's thirteen lines got through driblet by driblet : 
 
 'Tis done ! count how you will I warrant there's fourteen. 
 
 IN A FASHIONABLE CHURCH. 
 The air is faint, yet still the crowds press in; 
 With stir of silks and under-flow of talk 
 That falls from lips of ladies as they walk, 
 Ere yet the dainty service doth begin : 
 Ah me ! the very organ's glorious din 
 
552 SONNETS. 
 
 Is tuned to pliant trimness in its place. 
 And over all a sweet melodious grace 
 Floats with the incense-stream good souls to win! 
 God, that spak'st of old from Sinai's hrow ! 
 And Thou that laid'st the tempest with a word ! 
 Is this Thy worship ? Come amongst us now 
 With all Thy thunders, if Thou wouldst be heard. 
 So tyrannous is this weight of pageantry, 
 Almost, we cry, " Give back Gethsemane I " 
 
 THE PROXY SAINT. 
 
 Each for himself must do his Master's work, 
 
 Or at his peril leave it all undone;; 
 Witness the fate of one who sought to shirk 
 
 The Sanctuary service yet would shun 
 The penalty. A man of earthly aims 
 
 (So runs the apologue,) whose pious spouse 
 Would oft remind him of the Church's claims, 
 
 Still answered thus, " Go, thou, and pay our vows 
 For thee and me ! " Now, when at Peter's gate 
 
 The twain together had arrived at last, 
 He let the woman in ; then to her mate, 
 
 Shutting the door, "Thou hast already passed 
 "By proxy,'' said the Saint — "just in the way 
 
 That thou on earth was wont to fast and pray." 
 
 ABOUT A NOSE. 
 
 'Tis very odd that poets should suppose 
 
 There is no poetry about a nose, 
 
 When plain as is the nose upon your face, 
 
 A noseless face would lack poetic grace. 
 
 Noses have sympathy : a lover knows 
 
 Noses are always touched when lips are kissing: 
 
 And who would care to kiss where nose was missing? 
 
 Why, what would be the fragrance of a rose, 
 
 And where would be our mortal means of telling 
 
 Whether a vile or wholesome odour flows 
 
 Around us, if we owned no sense of smelling ? 
 
 I know a nose, a nose no other knows, 
 
 'Neath starry eyes, o'er ruby lips it grows; 
 
 Beauty is in its form and music in its blows. 
 
 DYSPEPSIA. 
 Ah, me ! what mischiefs from the stomach rise ! 
 What fatal ills, beyond all doubt or question ! 
 
SONNETS. 553 
 
 How many a deed of high and bold emprise 
 
 Has been prevented by a bad digestion ! 
 I ween the savory crust of filthy pies 
 
 Hath made full many a man to quake and tremble, 
 Filling his stomach with dyspeptic sighs, 
 
 Until a huge balloon it doth resemble. 
 Thus do our lower parts impede the upper, 
 
 And much the brain's good works molest and hinder. 
 We gorge our cerebellum with hot supper, 
 
 And burn, with drams, our viscera to a cinder, 
 Choosing our arrows from Disease's quiver, 
 
 Till man in misery lives to loathe his liver. 
 
 HUMILITY. 
 
 Fair, soft Humility, so seldom seen, 
 So oft despised upon this little earth, 
 Counted by men as dross of nothing worth, 
 Though in the sight of Mightiness supreme 
 'Tis hailed and welcomed as a glorious birth, 
 Offspring of greatness, beauty perfected, 
 And yet of such fragility extreme, 
 That if we call it ours, 'tis forfeited ; 
 Named, it escapes us, thus we need beware, 
 When with the Publican we plead the prayer, 
 "A sinner, Lord, be merciful to me !" 
 Our hearts do not say softly, " I thank Thee, 
 Lord, for this sweet grace, Humility, 
 Which I possess, unlike the Pharisee." 
 
 AVE MARIA. 
 
 Ave Maria ! 'tis the evening hymn 
 
 Of many pilgrims on the land and sea. 
 
 Soon as the day withdraws, and two or three 
 Faint stars are burning, all whose eyes are dim 
 With tears or watching, all of weary limb 
 
 Or troubled spirit, yield the bended knee, 
 
 And find, Virgin ! life's repose in thee. 
 I, too, at nightfall, when the new-born rim 
 
 Of the young moon is first beheld above, 
 Tune my fond thoughts to their devoutest key, 
 And from all bondage — save remembrance — free 
 
 Glad of my liberty as Noah's dove, 
 Seek the Madonna most adored by me, 
 
 And say mine " Ave Marias " to my love. 
 47 
 
554 CONFORMITY OF SENSE TO SOUND. 
 
 <ttcmft)tmttg of Sbtnst to Sounir, 
 
 In the hexameter rises the fountain's silvery column j 
 
 In the pentameter aye falling in melody back. — Coleridge : trans. Schiller 
 
 ARTICULATE IMITATION OF INARTICULATE SOUNDS. 
 
 Soft is the strain when zephyr gently blows, 
 
 And the smooth stream in smoother numbers flows; 
 
 But when loud surges lash the sounding shore, 
 
 The hoarse, rough verse should like the torrent roar. 
 
 Pope : Essay on Criticism. 
 
 On a sudden open fly, 
 With impetuous recoil and jarring sound, 
 Th' infernal doors, and on their hinges grate 
 Harsh thunder. — Milton: Paradise Lost, ii. 
 Grate on their scrannel pipes of wretched straw. — Milton : Lycidat. 
 His bloody hand 
 Snatched two unhappy of my martial band, 
 
 And dashed like dogs against the stony floor. — Pope : Horn. Odys. 
 The Pilgrim oft 
 At dead of night, 'mid his orison, hears 
 Aghast the voice of time, disparting towers, 
 Tumbling all precipitous down-dashed, 
 Rattling around, loud thundering to the moon. 
 
 Dyer : Ruins of Rome. 
 What ! like Sir Richard, rumbling, rough, and fierce, 
 With arms, and George, and Brunswick, crowd the verse, 
 Rend with tremendous sounds your ears asunder, 
 With drum, gun, trumpet, blunderbuss, and thunder? 
 Then all your muse's softer art display : 
 Let Carolina smooth the tuneful lay, 
 Lull with Amelia's liquid name the nine, 
 And sweetly flow through all the royal line. — Pope : Sat. I. 
 
 itemarkable examples are afforded by Dryden's Alexander's 
 Feast, and The Bells of Edgar A. Poe. 
 
 IMITATION OF TIME AND MOTION. 
 
 When the merry bells ring round, 
 And the jocund rebecs sound 
 
CONFORMITY OF SENSE TO SOUND. 
 
 555 
 
 To many a youth and many a maid 
 . Dancing in the checkered shade. — Milton : L' Allegro. 
 Up the high hill he heaves a huge round stone ; 
 The huge round stone, resulting with a bound, 
 Thunders impetuous down, and smokes along the ground. 
 
 Pope: Horn. Odya. 
 Which urged, and labored, and forced up with pain, 
 Recoils and rolls impetuous down, and smokes along the plain. 
 
 Dryden : Lucretius. 
 A needless Alexandrine ends the song, 
 That, like a wounded snake, drags its slow length along. 
 
 Pope : Essay on Criticism. 
 Not so when swift Camilla scours the plain, 
 Plies o'er th' unbending corn, and skims along the main. 
 
 Pope : Essay on Criticism. 
 Oft on a plat of rising ground 
 I hear the far-off curfew sound, 
 Over some wide-watered shore, 
 Swinging slow with sullen roar. — Milton : II Penseroso. 
 
 The well-known hexameters of Virgil, descriptive respectively 
 of the galloping of horses over a resounding plain, and of the 
 heavy blows in alternately hammering the metal on the anvil, 
 afford good examples, — the dactylic, of rapidity, the spondaic, 
 of slowness. 
 
 Quadrupe- j dante pu- | trem soni- | tu quatit | ungula | campum, 
 
 ^Eneid, viii. 596. 
 Illi in- | ter se- | se mag- | na vi | brachia | tollunt. — JEneid, viii. 452. 
 
 IMITATION OF DIFFICULTY AND EASE. 
 
 When Ajax strives some rock's vast weight to throw, 
 
 The line, too, labors, and the words move slow, &c. — Pope : Ess. on Criticism. 
 He through the thickest of the throng gan threke. — Chaucer: Knight's Tale. 
 And strains from hard-bound brains six lines a year. — Pope : Sat. Frag. 
 
 Part huge of bulk, 
 Wallowing, unwieldy, enormous in their gait, 
 Tempest the ocean. — Milton : Paradise Lost, vii. 
 He came, and with him Eve, more loath, though first 
 To offend, discountenanced both, and discomposed. 
 
 Milton: Paradise Lost, x. 
 So he with difficulty and labor hard 
 Moved on, with difficulty and labor he. — Milton: Par adise Lost, ii. 
 
556 FAMILIAR QUOTATIONS FROM UNFAMILIAR SOURCES 
 
 dfamtftar ©uotattons {torn sattfamtliar 
 Sbouxtts. 
 
 iVo Cross, no Grown. 
 
 Tolle crucem, qui vis auferre coronam. 
 
 St. Paulinus, Bishop of Nola, 
 
 The way to bliss lies not on beds of down, 
 
 And he that had no cross deserves no crown. — Quarles : Esther. 
 
 Corporations have no souls. 
 
 A corporation aggregate of many is invisible, immortal, and vests only 
 in intendment and consideration of the law. They cannot commit treason, 
 nor be outlawed, nor excommunicate, for they have no souh, neither can 
 they appear in person, but by attorney. — Coke's Reports, vol. x. p. 32. 
 
 Quern Deus vult perdere prius dementat. 
 
 Euripides : Fragments. 
 For those whom God to ruin has designed, 
 He fits for fate and first destroys their mind. 
 
 Dryden : Hind and Panther. 
 
 Men are but children of a larger growth; 
 
 Our appetites as apt to change as theirs, 
 And full as craving too, and full as vain. 
 
 Dryden : All for Love, iv. 1. 
 
 Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest. 
 
 True friendship's laws are by this rule expressed, 
 Welcome, etc. — Pope : Odyssey, B. xv. 
 
 More worship the rising than the setting sun. 
 
 Pompey to Sylla : Plutarch's Lives. 
 
 Incidis in Scillam cupiens vitare Charybdim. 
 
 Philippe Gaultier: Alexandreia. 
 
 History is philosophy teaching by example. 
 
 Dionysius op Halicarnassus. 
 
FAMILIAR QUOTATIONS FROM UNFAMILIAR SOURCES. 557 
 
 Consistency a Jewel. 
 In the search for the source of familiar quotations, none 
 appears to have so completely baffled patient seekers as the 
 phrase " Consistency is a jewel." Several years ago a per- 
 plexed scholar offered a handsome reward for the discovery 
 of its origin. Not till quite recently, however, has the claim 
 been set up that the original was found in the " Ballad of 
 Jolly Bobyn Boughhead," which is preserved in "Murtagh's 
 Collection of Ancient English and Scottish Ballads." The 
 stanza in which it occurs is the following : — 
 
 Tush, tush, my lassie, such thoughts resign, 
 
 Comparisons are cruel; 
 Fine pictures suit in frames as fine, 
 
 Consistency' 8 ajeicel: 
 For thee and me coarse clothes are best, 
 Rude folks in homely raiment drest — 
 Wife Joan and goodman Robyn. 
 
 Cleanliness next to Godliness. 
 The origin of the proverb, " Cleanliness is next to godli- 
 ness," has been the subject of extended investigation. Bart- 
 lett's " Familiar Quotations" attributes the phrase to Be v. 
 John Wesley ; but as this prominent Methodist clergyman uses 
 this sentence in his sermons as a quotation from some other 
 work, it has been suggested that further search is requisite. 
 Rev. Dr. A. S. Bettelheimer, of Bichmond, Va., asserts that 
 he has discovered this maxim in an abstract of religious prin- 
 ciples contained in an old commentary on the Book of Isaiah. 
 Thus the practical doctrines of religion are resolved into careful- 
 ness, vigorousness, guiltlessness, abstemiousness and cleanliness. 
 And cleanliness is next to godliness, which is next to holiness. 
 
 He's a brick. 
 An Eastern prince visited the ruler of a neighboring country, 
 and after viewing various objects worthy of attention, asked to 
 see the fortifications. He was shown the troops with this 
 remark — "These are my fortifications; every man is a brick." 
 
 47* - 
 
558 FAMILIAR QUOTATIONS FROM UNFAMILIAR SOURCES. 
 
 When you are at Rome do as the Romans do. 
 This proverb has been traced to a saying of St. Ambrose. 
 St. Augustine mentions in one of his letters (Ep. lxxxvj ad 
 Casulan.) that when his mother was living with him at Milan, 
 she was much scandalized because Saturday was kept there as 
 a festival; whilst at Rome, where she had resided a long time, 
 it was kept as a fast. To ease her mind he consulted the 
 bishop on this question, who told him he could give him no 
 better advice in the case than to do as he himself did. " For 
 when I go to Rome," said Ambrose, " I fast on the Saturday, 
 as they do at Rome; when I am here, I do not fast." With 
 this answer, he says that "he satisfied his mother, and ever after 
 looked upon it as an oracle sent from heaven." 
 
 A Nation of Shopkeepers. 
 
 To found a great empire for the sole purpose of raising up a people of 
 customers may at first sight appear a project fit only for a nation of shop- 
 keepers. — Adam Smith, Wealth of Nations. 
 
 On May 31, 1817, Napoleon is reported to have said to 
 Barry O'Meara, — 
 
 You were greatly offended with me for having called you a nation of 
 shopkeepers. Had I meant by this that you were a nation of cowards, 
 
 you would have had reason to be displeased I meant that you were 
 
 a nation of merchants, and that all your great riches arose from commerce. 
 .... Moreover, no man of sense ought to be ashamed of being called a 
 shopkeeper. — Voice from St. Helena. 
 
 Only a pauper. 
 The lines — 
 
 Rattle his bones 
 Over the stones, 
 He's only a pauper whom nobody owns, 
 
 are from the Pauper's Drive, by Thomas Noel. 
 Taking time by the forelock. 
 
 Spenser says, Sonnet lxx. : — 
 
 Go to my love, where she is careless laid, 
 
 Yet in her winter's bower not well awake; 
 Tell her the joyous time will not be staid, 
 
 Unless she do him by the forelock take. 
 
FAMILIAR QUOTATIONS FROM UNFAMILIAR SOURCES. 559 
 
 What will Mrs. Grundy say? 
 
 In Morton's clever comedy, Speed the Plough, the first 
 scene of the first act opens with, a view of a farm-house, where 
 Farmer Ashfield is discovered at a table with his jug and pipe, 
 holding the following colloquy with his wife, Dame Ashfield, 
 who figures in a riding-dress, with a basket under her arm : — 
 
 Ashfield — Well, Dame, welcome whoam. What news does thee bring 
 vrom market ? 
 
 Dame. — What news husband ? What I always told you ; that Farmer 
 Grundy's wheat brought five shillings a quarter more than ours did. 
 
 Ash, — All the better vor he. 
 
 Dame. — Ah ! the sun seems to shine on purpose for him. 
 
 Ash. — Come, come, missus, as thee has not the grace to thank God for 
 prosperous times, dan't thee grumble when they be unkindly a bit. 
 
 Dame. — And I assure you Dame Grundy's butter was quite the crack of 
 the market. 
 
 Ash. — Be quiet woolye? always ding, dinging Dame Grundy into my 
 ears — What will Mrs. Grundy zay? What will Mrs. Grundy think? Canst 
 thee be quiet, let ur alone, and behave thyself pratty. 
 
 Though lost to sight, to memory dear. 
 This oft-quoted line is traced by a modern wag, of an inven- 
 tive turn, to Ruthven Jenkyns, who wrote the following verses, 
 published in the Greenwich Magazine for Marines, in 1701 : — 
 
 Sweetheart, good-bye ! the fluttering sail 
 
 Is spread to waft me far from thee; 
 And soon, before the fav'ring gale, 
 
 My ship shall bound upon the sea. 
 Perchance, all desolate and forlorn 
 
 These eyes shall miss thee many a year; 
 But unforgotten every charm, 
 
 Though lost to sight, to mem'ry dear. 
 
 Sweetheart, good-bye! one last embrace! 
 0, cruel fate! true souls to sever; 
 
 Yet in this heart's most sacred place 
 Thou, thou alone shalt dwell forever! 
 
 And still shall recollection trace 
 In Fancy's mirror, ever near, 
 
 Each smile, each tear — that form, that face- 
 Though lost to sight, to mem'ry dear. 
 
560 FAMILIAR QUOTATIONS FROM UNFAMILIAR SOURCES. 
 
 Too low they build who build beneath the stars. 
 
 Builders who adopt this motto are indebted for it to Young, 
 The Complaint, viii. 215. 
 
 Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel. 
 Dr. Johnson, according to Boswell, is credited with this phrase. 
 
 So much the worse for the facts. 
 M. Royer Collard disapproved of the opinions of the Fathers 
 of Port Royal on the doctrine of grace : "lis ont les textes pour 
 eux, disait il, fen suis fache pour les textes." So much the 
 worse for the texts, — a very different and much more reason- 
 able saying than the paradoxical expression commonly ascribed 
 to Voltaire. 
 
 Conspicuous by its absence. 
 Earl Russell, in an address to the electors of the city of 
 London, alluding to Lord Derby's Reform Bill, which had just 
 been defeated, said : — 
 
 Among the defects of the Bill, which were numerous, one provision was 
 conspicuous by its presence, and one by its absence. 
 
 In the course of a speech subsequently delivered at a meeting 
 of Liberal electors at the London Tavern, he justified his use 
 of these words thus : — 
 
 It has been thought that by a misnomer or a bull on my part I alluded 
 to it as "a provision conspicuous by its absence," a turn of phraseology 
 which is not an original expression of mine, but is taken from one of the 
 greatest historians of antiquity. 
 
 The historian referred to is Tacitus, who, (Annals, iii. 761) 
 speaking of the images carried in procession at the funeral of 
 Junia, says : Sed prsefulgebant Cassius atque Brutus eo ipso 
 quod effigies eorum non videbantur. Russell's adaptation re- 
 calls the "brilliant flashes of silence" which Sydney Smith 
 attributed to Macaulay. Since the Jesuits succeeded in causing 
 the lives of Arnauld and Pascal to be excluded from VHistoire 
 des Hommes lllustres, by Perrault, the epigrammatic expression 
 Briller par son absence has been popular among the French. 
 
FAMILIAR QUOTATIONS FROM UNFAMILIAR SOURCES. 561 
 
 Do as I say, not as I do. 
 
 This proverbial expression was in common use among the 
 Italian monks in the Middle Ages. It occurs in the Decameron 
 of Boccacio thus : "lis croient avoir bien repondu et §tre absous 
 de tout crime quand ils ont dit, Faites ce que nous disons et ne 
 faitespas ce que nous faisons." The germ of the words thus 
 put into the mouths of the friars of his day, Boccacio no doubt 
 found in the language of our Saviour recorded in Matthew 
 xxiii. 2, 3: — "The scribes and Pharisees sit in Moses' seat; all 
 therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; 
 but do not ye after their works: for they say and do not." 
 
 Mr. Longfellow, in his New England Tragedies, puts into the 
 mouth of Captain Kempthorne, back in the times of Quaker 
 persecution, a now familiar phrase. He speaks of 
 
 A solid man of Boston; 
 A comfortable man, with dividends, 
 And the first salmon, and the first green peas. 
 
 Aubrey in his Letters, speaking of the handwriting of the 
 poet Waller, says : — "He writes a lamentable hand, as bad as 
 the scratching of a hen." Probably suggested by the "gallina 
 scripsit" of Plautus. 
 
 The phrase masterly inactivity, first used by Sir James Mack- 
 intosh in his Vindiciae. Gallicse, finds a prototype in the Horatian 
 expression, " strenua nos exercet inertia," (Epist. lib. I., xi. 28,) 
 and in the words of Isaiah, " their strength is to sit still "(xxx. 7). 
 
 From Don Quixote we have Honesty is the best policy. From 
 Gil Bias, (Smollet's trans.,) comes Facts are stubborn things. 
 From Burton's Anatomy of Melancholy, (P. iii. Sec. 3, Mem 
 i. Subs. 2,) Comparisons are odious. From Bunyan's Pilgrim) 's 
 Progress, Dark as pitch, and Every tub must stand on its own 
 bottom. From Shakspeare, Fast and loose (Love's Labor Lost, 
 iii. 1.); Main chance (2 Henry IV. iii. 1); Let the world slide 
 ( Taming of the Shrew, Indue. V). From Burns, (Epistle from 
 Esopus to Maria,) Durance vile. 
 2L 
 
562 FAMILIAR QUOTATIONS JIIOM UNFAMILIAR SOURCES. 
 
 Christmas comes but once a year. — Thomas Tusser, 1580. 
 
 It's an ill wind that blows nobody any good. 
 Originally written, — 
 
 It is an ill wind turns none to good. — Thomas Tusser. 
 
 Look ere thou leap. — Tusser. 
 And 
 
 Look before you ere you leap. — Butler : Hudibras, o. 2. 
 
 Bid the devil take the hindmost. — Hudibras, o. 2. 
 
 Count the ohickens ere they're hatched. — Hudibras, c. 3. 
 
 Necessity, the tyrant's plea. — Milton. — Paradise Lost, B. iv. 
 
 Peace hath her victories, <fcc. — Ibid : Sonnet xvi. 
 
 The old man eloquent. — Ibid : Tenth Sonnet. 
 
 On the light fantastic toe. — Ibid : L' Allegro* 
 
 The devil may cite Scripture for his purpose. 
 
 Shakspeare : Merchant of Venice, 
 
 Assume a virtue though you have it not. — Hamlet. 
 
 Brevity is the soul of wit. — Hamlet. 
 
 The sere, the yellow leaf. — Macbeth. 
 
 Curses not loud, but deep. — Macbeth. 
 
 Make assurance doubly sure. — Macbeth. 
 
 Thereby hangs a tale. — As You Like It. 
 
 Good wine needs no bush. — A$ You Like It. 
 
 Though last, not least, in love. — Julius Caesar. 
 
 Food for powder. — First Part Henry IV. 
 
 One touch of nature makes the whole world kin. — Troilus and Cressidcu 
 
 And made a sunshine in a shady place. — Spenser : Fairy Queen. 
 
 Exhausted worlds, and then imagined new. 
 Dr. Johnson : Prologue at the opening of the Drury Lane Theatre, 1747. 
 
 To point a moral or adorn a tale. — Ibid : Vanity of Human Wishes. 
 
 Slow rises worth by poverty depressed. — Ibid : London. 
 
 Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no fibs. 
 
 Goldsmith : She Stoops to Conquer, 
 
 And to party gave up what was meant for mankind. — Ibid : Retaliation, 
 
 Winter lingering chills the lap of May. — Ibid : The Traveller. 
 
 Of two evils I have chose the least. — Prior. 
 
 His (God's) image cut in ebony. — Thomas Fuller. 
 
 Richard's himself again. — Colley Cibber. 
 
 Building castles in the air. 
 Originally written, — 
 
 Building castles in Spain. — Scarron. 
 
 Hope, the dream of a waking man. — Basil. 
 
 Music has charms to soothe a savage breast. 
 
 Congreve : The Mourning Bride. 
 
 Earth has no rage like love to hatred turned. — Ibid. 
 
 Let who may make the laws of a people, allow me to write their bal- 
 lads, and I'll guide them at my will.— Sir Philip Sidney. 
 
FAMILIAR QUOTATIONS FROM UNFAMILIAR SOURCES. 563 
 
 When Greek meets Greek, then conies the tug of war. 
 Originally, 
 
 When Greeks joined Greeks, then was the tug ot war. 
 
 Nat Lee : Play of Alexander the Great, 1692. 
 Westward the course of empire takes its way.— Bishop Berkeley. 
 No pent-up Utica contracts your powers, 
 But the whole boundless continent is yours. 
 
 J. M. Sewall : Epilogue to Cato, 1778. 
 Out of sight, out of mind. 
 Originally, 
 Out of minde as soon as out of sight— Lord Brooke. 
 Through thick and thin.— Dryden : Absalom and Achitophel. 
 He whistled as he went for want of thought.— Ib. : Gymon and Iphigenia. 
 Great wits are sure to madness near allied.— Ib. : Absalom & Achitophel. 
 None but the brave deserve the fair.— Ibid : Alexander's Feast. 
 To err is human ; to forgive, divine.— Pope : Essay on Criticism. 
 In wit a man ; simplicity, a child.— Ibid : Epitaph on Gay. 
 I lisped in numbers, for the numbers came.— Ib. : Prologue to the Satires. 
 Damns with faint praise. — Ibid : Prologue to the Satires. 
 Order is Heaven's first law. — Ibid : Essay on Man. 
 An honest man's the noblest work of God.— Ibid : Essay on Man. 
 Looks through nature up to nature's God.— Ibid: Essay on Man. 
 Pleased with a rattle, tickled with a straw.— Ibid : Essay on Man. 
 Who never mentions hell to ears polite. — Ibid : The Epistles. 
 From seeming evil still educing good.— Thomson : Hymn, 
 To teach the young idea how to shoot: Ibid: The Seasons, Spring. 
 'Tis distance lends enchantment to the view. 
 
 Campbell : Pleasures of Hope, 
 And man the hermit sighed till woman smiled. — Ibid. 
 Where ignorance is bliss 
 
 'Tis folly to bo wise.— Gray: Ode on Eton College. 
 Thoughts that breathe and words that burn.— Ib. : The Progress of Poesy. 
 Nursing her wrath to keep it warm.— Burns : Tarn O'Shanter. 
 As clear as a whistle. — Byrom : The Astrologer. 
 She walks the waters like a thing of life. — Byron: The Island. 
 The cups that cheer but not inebriate.— Cowper : Task. 
 Not much the worse for wear. — Ibid. 
 Masterly inactivity.— Mackintosh : 1791. 
 The Almighty Dollar.— Washington Irving: Creole Village. 
 Entangling alliances. — George Washington. 
 Where liberty dwells, there is.my country. — Benjamin Franklin. 
 The post of honor is the private station. — Thos. Jefferson. 
 Straws show which way the wind blows. — James Cheatham. 
 A good time coming. — Walter Scott: Bob Roy. 
 Face the music. — J. Fenimore Cooper. 
 
564 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 atijurdjgarir Utteratttre. 
 
 HIO JACET. SACRUM MEMORISE. 
 
 Earth's highest station ends in here he lies ! 
 
 And dust to dust concludes her noblest song. 
 
 Emigravit is the inscription on the tombstone where he lies : 
 
 Dead he is not, but departed, for the Christian never dies. 
 A hieroglyph formed by the two first letters of the Greek word Christos, in- 
 tersecting the Chi longitudinally by the Rho, — a palm-leaf, or a wreath of 
 palm-leaves, indicating victory, — a crown, which speaks of the reward of the 
 saints, — an immortelle, or a vessel supporting a column of flame, indicating 
 continued life, — an anchor, which indicates hope, — a ship under sail, which 
 says, "Heavenward bound," — the letters Alpha and Omega, the Apocalyptic 
 title of Christ, — the dove, the emblem of innocence and holiness, — the 
 winged insect escaping from the chrysalis, typical of the resurrection, — the 
 cross, the Christian's true and only glory in life and death, by which he is 
 crucified to the world, and the world to him, — these are the emblems that 
 speak to the Christian's heart of faith, and hope, and love, and humility. 
 
 EPITAPHS OP EMINENT MEN. 
 
 Christopher Columbus died at Valladolid, May 20, 1506, 
 set. 70. In 1513 his body was taken to Seville, on the Gua- 
 dalquivir, and there deposited in the family vault of the Dukes 
 of Alcala, in the Cathedral. Upon a tablet was inscribed, in 
 Castilian, this meagre couplet, which is still legible : — 
 A Castilla y Arragon 
 Otro mondo dio Colon.* 
 [ To Castile and Aragon 
 Columbus gave another world.] 
 
 In 1536, the remains of the great navigator were conveyed 
 to St. Domingo and deposited in the Cathedral, where they 
 continued until a recent period, when they were finally disin- 
 terred, and removed to Havana. The inscription on the tablet 
 in the Cathedral of St. Domingo, now obliterated, was as fol- 
 lows : — 
 
 * Irving gives the inscription thus : — 
 
 Por Castilla y por Leon 
 Nuevo mundo hallo Colon. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 565 
 
 Hie locus abscondit prasclari membra Columbi 
 
 Cujus nomen ad astra volat 
 Non satis unus erat sibi mundus notus, at orbem 
 
 Ignotum priscis omnibus ipse deditj 
 Divitias summas terras dispersit in omnes, 
 Atque animas ccelo tradidit innumeras; 
 Invenit campos divinis legibus aptos, 
 Regibus et nostris prospera regna dedit.* 
 
 William Shakspeare died April 23, 1616, set. 52, and 
 was buried in the chancel of the church of Stratford. The 
 monument erected to his memory represents the poet with a 
 thoughtful countenance, resting on a cushion and in the act of 
 writing. Immediately below the cushion is the following dis- 
 tich : — 
 
 Judicio Pylium ; genio Soeratem ; arte Maronem : 
 Terra tegit; populus moeret j Olympus habet.f 
 
 On a tablet underneath are inscribed these lines : — 
 
 Stay, passenger : wby dost thou go so fast ? 
 Read, if thou canst, whom envious death hath placed 
 Within this monument, — Shakspeare ; with whom 
 Quick Nature died ; whose name doth deck the tomb 
 Far more than cost; since all that he hath writ 
 Leaves living Art but page to serve his wit : 
 
 and on the flat stone covering the grave is inscribed, in very 
 irregular characters, the following quaint supplication, bless- 
 ing, and menace : — 
 
 Good Friend, for Jesvs sake forbeare 
 To digg t-e dvst EncloAsed HERE ; 
 Blest be t-e Man -j- spares T-hs stones, 
 And cvrst be He ~ moves my bones. 
 
 * This spot conceals the body of the renowned Columbus, whose name 
 towers to the stars. Not satisfied with the known globe, he added to all the 
 old an unknown world. Throughout all countries he distributed untold wealth, 
 and gave to heaven unnumbered souls. He found an extended field for gospel 
 missions, and conferred prosperity upon the reign of our monarchs. 
 
 f A Nestor in discrimination, a Socrates in talent, a Virgil in poetic art : 
 the earth covers him, the people mourn for him, Heaven possesses him. 
 
 48 
 
566 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 SIR ISAAC NEWTON, OB. 1727, ^T. 85. 
 
 Here lies interred Isaac Newton, knight, who, with an energy of mind al- 
 most divine, guided by the light of mathematics purely his own, first demon- 
 strated the motions and figures of the planets, the paths of comets, and the 
 causes of the tides j who discovered, what before his time no one had ever 
 suspected, that the rays of light are differently refrangible, and that this is 
 the cause of colors ; and who was a diligent, penetrating, and faithful inter- 
 preter of nature, antiquity, and the sacred writings. In his philosophy, he 
 maintained the majesty of the Supreme Being ; in his manners, he expressed 
 the simplicity of the Gospel. Let mortals congratulate themselves that the 
 world has seen so great and excellent a man, the glory of human nature. 
 
 Pope's inscription is as follows : — 
 
 Isaacus Newtonus : 
 Quern Immortalem 
 Testantur Tempua, Nature, Caelum: 
 Mortalem 
 Hoc marmor fatetur. 
 Nature and nature's laws lay hid in night : 
 God said, Let Newton be ! and all was light. 
 
 Johnson's epitaph on goldsmith.* 
 
 Thou seest the tomb of Oliver ; retire, 
 
 Unholy feet, nor o'er his ashes tread. 
 Ye whom the deeds of old, verse, nature, fire, 
 
 Mourn nature's priest, the bard, historian, dead. 
 
 COWPER'S EPITAPH ON DR. JOHNSON. 
 
 Here Johnson lies, — a sage by all allowed, 
 Whom to have bred may well make England proud j 
 Whose prose was eloquence, by wisdom taught, 
 The graceful vehicle of virtuous thought ; 
 Whose verse may claim — grave, masculine and strong- 
 Superior praise to the mere poet's song j 
 Who many a noble gift from heaven possessed, 
 And faith at last, alone worth all the rest. 
 man immortal by a double prize, 
 By fame on earth, — by glory in the skies ! 
 
 * The original is in Greek, as follows : — 
 
 Tov rckpov europaas rov O\t(iapioio, kovitiv 
 'Afpocri nr\ oepvrjv, %eiv£, nodeaai irarei. 
 Oiai //£/i/jXs 0wif, ixerpcov X a P l S> £PY<* naXcuow 
 KXaiere noirirriv, laropiKOv, <pwwtov. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 567 
 
 GEORGE WASHINGTON, OB. DEC. 14, 1799, ^ET. 67. 
 
 When, in 1838, the remains of Washington were removed 
 from the old vault into the new, at Mount Vernon, the coffin 
 was placed in a beautiful sarcophagus of white marble, from a 
 quarry in Chester county, Pennsylvania, and prepared in Phi- 
 ladelphia by the gentleman who presented it. The lid is 
 wrought with the arms of the country and the inscription here 
 appended. Independently of other considerations, it is desir- 
 able, for the honor of the nation so largely indebted to Wash- 
 ington, that his grave should be something more than an adver- 
 tising medium for a marble-mason. But the faithful chroni- 
 cler must take things as he finds them, not always as they 
 should be : — 
 
 WASHINGTON. 
 
 By the permission of 
 
 Lawrence Lewis, 
 
 The surviving executor of 
 
 George Washington, 
 
 this sarcophagus 
 
 was presented by 
 
 John Struthers, 
 
 of Philadelphia, Marble Mason, 
 
 A.D. 1837. 
 
 The stone and the inscription over the grave of Franklin 
 and his wife, at the corner of Fifth and Arch Streets, Phila- 
 delphia, and recently opened to public view by substituting for 
 the old brick wall a neat iron railing, are according to his own 
 direction in his will. The exceeding plainness of both are 
 strikingly characteristic of the man. The stone is a simple 
 marble slab, six feet by four, lying horizontally, and raised 
 about a foot above the ground. It bears the following : — 
 
 Benjamin ") 
 
 and V Franklin. 
 Deborah J 
 
 1790. 
 
 The following is a copy of the epitaph written by Franklin 
 upon himself, at the age of twenty- three, while a journeyman 
 printer : — 
 
568 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 The Body 
 
 of 
 
 Benjamin Franklin, Printer, 
 
 (Like the cover of an old book, 
 
 Its contents torn out, 
 
 And stript of its lettering and gilding,) 
 
 Lies food for worms : 
 
 Yet the work itself shall not be lost, 
 
 For it will [as he believed] appear once more, 
 
 In a new 
 
 And more beautiful edition, 
 
 Corrected and amended 
 
 by 
 
 The Author. 
 
 That this well-known typographical inscription was plagia- 
 rized from Mather's Magnolia Christi Americana, is evident 
 from Franklin's own admission of his familiarity with the 
 works of "the great Cotton." To the perusal in early life of 
 Mather's excellent volume, Essays to do Good; published in 
 1710, Franklin ascribed all his " usefulness in the world." 
 The lines alluded to in the famous Ecclesiastical History are 
 by Benjamin Woodbridge, a member of the first graduating 
 class of Harvard University, 1642 : — 
 
 A living, breathing Bible j tables where 
 
 Both Covenants at large engraven were. 
 
 Gospel and law, in/s heart, had each its column; 
 
 His head an index to the sacred volume; 
 
 His very name a title-page ; and, next, 
 
 His life a commentary on the text. 
 
 what a monument of glorious worth, 
 
 When, in a new edition, he comes forth ! 
 
 Without errata may we think he'll be, 
 
 In leaves and covers of eternity ! 
 
 Old Joseph Capen, minister of Topsfield, had also, in 1681, 
 given John Foster, who set up the first printing-press in Bos- 
 ton, the benefit of the idea, in memoriam : — 
 
 Thy body, which no activeness did lack, 
 Now's laid aside like an old almanac, 
 But for the present only's out of date ; 
 'Twill have at length a far more active state. 
 Yea, though with dust thy body soiled be, 
 Yet at the resurrection we shall see 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 569 
 
 A fair edition, and of matchless worth, 
 Free from errata, new in Heaven set forth ; 
 'Tis but a word from God, the great Creator — 
 It shall be done when he saith Imprimatur. 
 
 Davis, in his Travels in America, finds another source in a 
 Latin epitaph on the London bookseller Jacob Tonson, pub- 
 lished with an English translation in the Gentleman's Magazine 
 for Feb., 1736. This is its conclusion : — 
 
 When Heaven reviewed th' original text. 
 
 'Twas with erratas few perplexed : 
 
 Pleased with the copy 't was collated, 
 
 And to a better life translated. 
 
 But let to life this supplement 
 
 Be printed on thy monument, 
 
 Lest the first page of death should be, 
 
 Great editor, a blank to theej 
 
 And thou who many titles gave 
 
 Should want one title for this grave. 
 
 Stay, passenger, and drop a tear ; 
 
 Here lies a noted Bookseller; 
 
 This marble index here is placed 
 
 To tell, that when be found defaced 
 
 His book of life, he died with grief: 
 
 Yet he, by true and genuine belief, 
 
 A new edition may expect, 
 
 Far more enlarged and more correct. 
 
 AT MONTICELLO, VA. 
 
 Here lies buried 
 
 Thomas Jefferson, 
 
 Author of the Declaration of American Independence, 
 
 Of the Statute of Virginia for Religious Freedom, 
 
 And Father of the University of Virginia. 
 
 WILLIAM HOGARTH. 
 
 G-arrick's epitaph on Hogarth at Chiswick is well known 
 That written by Dr. Johnson is shorter and superior : — 
 
 The hand of him here torpid lies, 
 
 That drew the essential form of grace ; 
 Here closed in death the attentive eyes 
 
 That saw the manners in the face. 
 
 48* 
 
570 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 LORD BROUGHAM'S EPITAPH ON WATT, WESTMINSTER ABBEY. 
 
 Not to perpetuate a name 
 
 Which must endure while the peaceful arts flourish, 
 
 But to show 
 
 That mankind have learned to honor those 
 
 Who best deserve their gratitude, 
 
 The King, his Ministers, and many of the Nobles 
 
 And Commoners of the Realm 
 
 Raised this Monument to 
 
 James Watt, 
 
 Who, directing the force of an original genius, 
 
 Early exercised in philosophic research, 
 
 To the improvement of 
 
 The Steam Engine, 
 
 Enlarged the resources of his Country, 
 
 Increased the power of man, 
 
 And rose to an eminent place 
 
 Among the most illustrious followers of Science 
 
 And the real benefactors of the World. 
 
 EULOGISTIC, APT, APPROPRIATE. 
 
 BEN JONSON'S ON THE COUNTESS OP PEMBROKB. 
 
 Underneath this marble hearse 
 Lies the subject of all verse, 
 Sydney's sister, — Pembroke's mother. 
 Death, ere thou hast slain another 
 Fair, and wise, and good as she, 
 Time shall throw a dart at thee ! 
 Marble piles let no man raise 
 To her name for after days ; 
 Some kind woman born as she, 
 Reading this, like Niobe, 
 Shall turn marble, and become 
 Both her mourner and her tomb. 
 
 ON ANOTHER LADY PRIEND. 
 
 Underneath this stone doth lie 
 As much beauty as could die, 
 Which in life did harbor give 
 To more virtue than doth live. 
 
 Andrew jackson's epitaph on his wipe. 
 Here lie the remains of Mrs. Rachel Jackson, wife of President JacK- 
 son, who died December 22d, 1828, aged 61. Her face was fair, her person 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 571 
 
 pleasing, her temper amiable, and her heart kind. She delighted in relieving 
 he wants of her fellow-creatures, and cultivated that divine pleasure by the 
 most liberal and unpretending methods. To the poor she was a benefactress ; 
 to the rich she was an example ; to the wretched a comforter ; to the pros- 
 perous an ornament. Her pity went hand in hand with her benevolence ; and 
 she thanked her Creator for being permitted to do good. A being so gentle 
 and yet so virtuous, slander might wound, but could not dishonor. Even 
 death, when he tore her from the arms of her husband, could but transplant 
 her to the bosom of her God. 
 
 BISHOP LOWTH'S EPITAPH ON HIS DAUGHTER. 
 
 Cara, vale, ingenio praestans, pietate, pudore, 
 
 Et plus quam natae nomine cara, vale. 
 Cara Maria, vale : ab veniet felicius aevum, 
 
 Quando iterum tecum, sim modo dignus, ero. 
 Cara redi, laeta turn dicam voce, paternos 
 
 Eja age in amplexus, cara Maria, redi ! 
 
 [ Dearer than daughter, — paralleled by few 
 In genius, goodness, modesty, — adieu ! 
 Adieu ! Maria, — till that day more blest, 
 When, if deserving, I with thee shall rest. 
 Come, then, thy sire will cry in joyful strain, 
 Oh, come to my paternal arms again.] 
 
 IN THE CHURCHYARD OP OLD ST. PANCRAS. 
 
 Miss Bamett, 1756, set. 23. 
 
 Go, spotless honor and unsullied truth ; 
 
 Go, smiling innocence, and blooming youth ; 
 
 Go, female sweetness joined with manly sense; 
 
 Go, winning wit, that never gave offence; 
 
 Go, soft humanity, that blest the poor; 
 
 Go, saint-eyed patience, from affliction's door 
 
 Go, modesty that never wore a frown ; 
 
 Go, virtue, and receive thy heavenly crown. 
 Not from a stranger came this heartfelt verse : 
 The friend inscribed thy tomb, whose tear bedewed thy hearse. 
 
 malherbe's epitaph on a young lady. 
 Elle Sfcait de ce monde, ou les plus belles choses 
 
 Ont le pire destin ; 
 Et, rose, elle a v6cu ce que vivent les roses, 
 
 L'espace d'un matin. 
 
 [ She was of this world, where all things the rarest 
 
 Have still the shortest race ; 
 A rose she lived (so lives of flowers the fairest) 
 A little morning's space !] 
 
572 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 in st. mary's church, nottingham. 
 Luke xx. 36. 
 Sleep on in peace j await thy Maker's will ; 
 Then rise unchanged, and be an angel still ! 
 
 In the church of Ightham, near Sevenoaks, Kent, is a mural 
 monument with the bust of a lady, who was famous for her 
 needlework and was traditionally reported to have written the 
 letter to Lord Monteagle which resulted in the discovery of 
 the Gunpowder Plot. The following is the inscription : — 
 
 D. D. D. 
 To the pretious name and honour of Dame Dorothy Selby, Relict of 
 Sir William Selby, Kt. the only daughter and heire of Charles Bonham, Esq. 
 She was a Dorcas, 
 Whose curious needle wound the abused stage 
 Of this.leud world into the golden age; 
 Whose pen of steel and silken inck enrolled 
 The acts of Jonah in records of gold ; 
 Whose arte disclosed that plot, which, had it taken, 
 Rome had triumphed, and Britain's walls had shaken. 
 
 She was 
 In heart a Lydia, and in tongue a Hanna; 
 In zeale a Ruth, in wedlock a Susanna; 
 Prudently simple, providently wary, 
 To the world a Martha, and to heaven a Mary. 
 
 Who put on f in the year j Pilgrimage, 69. 
 immortality 1 of her J Redeemer, 1641. 
 
 AT WESTFIELD, N. J. 
 
 Mrs. Jennet Woodruff, 1750, set. 43. 
 The dame, that rests within this tomb, 
 Had Rachel's beauty, Leah's fruitful womb, 
 Abigail's wisdom, Lydia's faithful heart, 
 Martha's just care, and Mary's better part. 
 
 AT QUINCY, MASS. 
 
 1708. 
 Braintree, thy prophet's gone ; this tomb inters 
 The Rev. Moses Fiske his sacred herse. 
 Adore heaven's praiseful art, that formed the man, 
 Who souls, not to himself, but Christ oft won ; 
 Sailed through the straits with Peter's family 
 Renowned, and Gaius' hospitality, 
 Paul's patience, James's prudence, John's sweet love, 
 Is landed, entered, cleared, and crowned above. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 573 
 
 IN CRANSTON, R.I. 
 
 Here lies the Body of 
 
 Joseph Williams, Esq. 
 
 Son of Roger Williams, Esq. 
 
 (The first white man that came to Providence.) 
 
 Born 1644. Died 1725. 
 
 In King Philip's war, he courageously went through, 
 
 And the native Indians he bravely did subdue j 
 
 And now he's gone down into the grave, and he will be no more 
 
 Until it please Almighty God his body to restore 
 
 Into some proper shape, as he thinks fit to be, 
 
 Perhaps like a grain of wheat, as Paul set forth, you see, 
 
 Corinthians 1 Book, 15 chap. 37 verse. 
 
 ON THE TOMB OP MRS. DUNBAR, TRENTON, N.J. 
 
 The meed of merit ne'er shall die, 
 Nor modest worth neglected lie, 
 The fame that pious virtue gives, 
 The Memphian monuments outlives. 
 Reader, wouldst thou secure such praise, 
 Go, learn Religion's pleasant ways. 
 
 pope's epitaph on harcotjrt. 
 To this sad shrine, whoe'er thou art ! draw near ; 
 Here lies the friend most loved, the son most dear : 
 Who ne'er knew joy but friendship might divide, 
 Or gave his father grief but when he died. 
 
 The idea in the last line appears to be derived from an 
 epitaph on an excellent wife, in the Roman catacombs : — 
 
 CONJUGI PIISSIMJ5 
 
 DE QUA NIHIL ALIUD DOLITUS EST 
 
 NISI MORTEM. 
 
 ON A SPANISH GIRL WHO DIED BROKEN-HEARTED. 
 
 She who lies beneath this stone 
 Died of constancy alone: 
 Fear not to approach, oh, passer-by— 
 Of naught contagious did she die. 
 
 One of the simplest, truest, and most dignified epitaphs evei 
 written may be found in the Spectator, No. 518 : — 
 
 HlC JACET R. C. IN EXPECTATIONS DIEI SUPREM3. 
 QUALIS ERAT DIES ISTE INDICABIT. 
 
574 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 AT BARNSTABLE, MASS. 
 Eev. Joseph Green, 1770, set. 70. 
 Think what the Christian minister should be, 
 You've then his character, for such was he. 
 
 A similar epitaph may be found in Torrington churchyard, 
 Devon : — 
 
 She was — but words are wanting to say what. 
 Think what a woman should be — she was that. 
 
 Which provoked the following reply : — 
 
 A woman should be both a wife and mother, 
 But Jenny Jones was neither one nor t'other. 
 
 AT GRIMSTEAD, ESSEX. 
 
 A wife so true, there are but few, 
 
 And difficult to find; 
 A wife more just, and true to trust, 
 
 There is not left behind. 
 
 AT BATON ROUGE, LA. 
 
 Here lies the body of David Jones. His last words were, " I die a Chris- 
 tian and a Democrat." 
 
 AT ELIZABETH CITY, N. J. 
 
 Elia* Boudinot, 1770, set. 63. 
 This modest stone, what few vain marbles can, 
 May truly say, Here lies an honest man.* 
 
 ON SIR THOMAS VERE. 
 
 When Vere sought death, armed with his sword and shield, 
 Death was afraid to meet him in the field ; 
 But when his weapons he had laid aside, 
 Death, like a coward, struck him, and he died. 
 
 BEN JONSON'S EPITAPH ON MICHAEL DRAYTON. 
 (One of the Elizabethan Poets, ob. 1631.) 
 Do, pious Marble, let thy readers know 
 What they and what their children owe 
 To Drayton's name, whose sacred dust 
 We recommend unto thy trust : 
 Protect his memory and preserve his story, 
 Remain a lasting monument of his glory ; 
 
 * From Pope's Epitaph on Fenton. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 575 
 
 And when thy ruins shall disclaim 
 To be the treasurer of his name, 
 His name, that cannot fade, shall be 
 An everlasting monument to thee ! 
 
 The epigrammatic turn in the concluding stanza was evi- 
 dently plagiarized from Ion's inscription upon the tomb of 
 Euripides, which is thus faithfully translated : — 
 Divine Euripides, this tomb we see 
 So fair, is not a monument for thee, 
 So much as thou for it; since all will own 
 Thy name and lasting praise adorn the stone. 
 
 IN TICHPIELD CHURCH, HANTS. 
 
 The Husband, speakinge trewly of his wife, 
 
 Read his losse in hir death, hir praise in life : 
 Heare Lucie Quinsie Bromfield buried lies, 
 With neighbors sad deepe, weepinge, hartes, sighes, eyes. 
 Children eleaven, tenne livinge, me she brought. 
 More kind, trewe, chaste was noane, in deed, word, thought. 
 Howse, children, Btate, by hir was ruld, bred, thrives. 
 One of the best of maides, of women, wives, 
 Now gone to God, her heart sent long before j 
 In fasting, prayer, faith, hope, and alms' deedes stoare. 
 If anie faulte, she lov6d me too much. 
 Ah, pardon that, for ther are too fewe such ! 
 Then, reader, if thou not hard-hearted be, 
 Praise God for hir, but sigh and praie for me. 
 
 Heare, by hir dead, I dead desire to lie, 
 
 Till, raised to life, wee meet no more to die. 
 1618. 
 
 ON INFANTS AND CHILDREN. 
 
 The following epitaph on an infant is by Samuel "Wesley, 
 the author of the caustic lines on the custom of perpetuating 
 lies on monumental marble, by commemorating virtues which 
 never had an existence, — ending thus : — 
 
 If on his specious marble we rely, 
 
 Pity such worth as his should ever die ! 
 
 If credit to his real life we give, 
 
 Pity a wretch like him should ever live ! 
 
 ON AN INFANT. 
 
 Beneath, a sleeping infant lies. 
 To earth whose ashes lent 
 
576 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 More glorious shall hereafter rise, 
 But not more innocent. 
 
 When the archangel's trump shall blow, 
 
 And souls and bodies join, 
 What crowds will wish their lives below 
 
 Had been as short as thine ! 
 
 ON POUR INFANTS BURIED IN THE SAME TOMB, 
 
 Bold infidelity, turn pale and die ! 
 Beneath this stone four infants' ashes lie : 
 
 Say, are they lost or saved ? 
 If death's by sin, they sinned ; for thtey are here ; 
 If heaven's by works, in heaven they can't appear. 
 
 Reason, ah, how depraved ! 
 Revere the Bible's sacred page ; the knot's untied : 
 They died, for Adam sinned; they live, for Jesus died. 
 
 IN MOUNT AUBURN CEMETERY. 
 
 On the base of a beautiful recumbent statuette in Yarrow 
 Path is inscribed : — 
 
 EMILY. 
 
 Shed not for her the bitter tear, 
 
 Nor give the heart to vain regret ; 
 Tis but the casket that lies here ; 
 
 The gem that filled it sparkles yet 
 
 ON A LITTLE BOY IN GREENWOOD CEMETERY. 
 
 Oar God, to call us homeward, 
 
 His only Son sent down ; 
 And how, still more to tempt our hearts, 
 
 Has taken up our own. 
 
 ON THE TOMBSTONE OP A CHILD BLIND PROM BIRTH. 
 
 There shall be no night there. 
 
 ON A CHILD POUR YEARS OLD, WHO WAS BURNED TO DEATH. 
 " !" 
 
 Says the gardener, as he passes down the walk, 
 "Who destroyed that flower? Who plucked that plant?" 
 His fellow-servant said, 
 "The Master." 
 And the gardener held his peace. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 577 
 
 AT LITIZ, LANCASTER COUNTY, PA. 
 
 Oh, blest departed one! 
 Whose all of life — a rosy ray — 
 Blushed into dawn and passed away. 
 
 Uhland's beautiful epitaph on an infant* has been thus 
 
 paraphrased : — 
 
 Thou art come and gone with footfall low, 
 
 A wanderer hastening to depart ; 
 Whither, and whence? we only know 
 
 From God thou wast, with God thou art. 
 
 Better than this in spirit, by all that makes Christian faith 
 and hope better than vague questioning, and fully equal to it 
 in poetic merit, is the following by F. T. Palgrave: — 
 
 Pure, sweet, and fair, ere thou could'st taste of ill, 
 
 God willed it and thy baby breath was still ; 
 
 Now 'mong his lambs thou livest thy Saviour's care, 
 
 Forever as thou wast, pure, sweet and fair. 
 
 COPIED FROM VARIOUS SOURCES. 
 
 Just with her lips the cup of life she pressed, 
 Found the taste bitter and declined the rest; 
 Averse then turning from the light of day, 
 She softly sighed her little soul away. 
 
 The child that sleeps within this silent tomb 
 Departed at the end of two short years: 
 
 Many will wish when the great Judge shall come, 
 They'd lived no longer in this vale of tears. 
 
 This lovely bud, so young, so fair, 
 
 Called hence by early doom, 
 Just came to show how sweet a flower 
 
 In Paradise would bloom. 
 
 This by Burton, author of The Anatomy of Melancholy: 
 Can nurse choose in her sweet babe more to find 
 Than goods of Fortune, Body, and of Mind? 
 Lo here at once all this; what greater bliss 
 Canst hope or wish? Heaven. Why there he is. 
 
 *Du kamst, Du gingst mit leiser Spur, 
 
 Eiri flucht'ger Gast in Erdenland : 
 Woher ? wohin ? — Wer wissen nur 
 Aus Gottes hand in Gottes hand. 
 2M 49 
 
578 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 ON A TOMBSTONE IN AUVERGNE. 
 
 Marie was the only child of her mother, 
 
 u . And she was a widow." 
 Marie sleeps in this grave — 
 
 And the widow has now no child. 
 
 HISTORICAL EPITAPH. 
 
 A person of the name of Mary Scott was buried near the 
 church of Dalkeith, in 1728, for whom the following singular 
 epitaph was composed, but never engraved on her tombstone, 
 though it has been frequently mentioned as copied from it : — 
 
 Stop, passenger, until my life you read : 
 The living may get knowledge from the dead. 
 Five times five years unwedded was my life ; 
 Five times five years I was a virtuous wife ; 
 Ten times five years I wept a widow's woes j 
 Now, tired of human scenes, I here repose. 
 Betwixt my cradle and my grave were seen 
 Seven mighty Kings of Scotland and a Queen. 
 Full twice five years the Commonwealth I saw, 
 Ten times the subjects rise against the law; 
 And, which is worse than any civil war, 
 A king arraigned before the subjects' bar; 
 Swarms of sectarians, hot with hellish rage, 
 v Cut off his royal head upon the stage. 
 Twice did I see old Prelacy pulled down, 
 And twice the cloak did sink beneath the gown. 
 I saw the Stuart race thrust out, — nay, more, 
 I saw our country sold for English ore ; 
 Our numerous nobles, who have famous been, 
 Sunk to the lowly number of sixteen ; 
 Such desolation in my days have been, 
 I have an end of all perfection seen. 
 
 BIOGRAPHICAL. 
 
 ON THE MONUMENT OF A DROPSICAL LADY. 
 
 Here lies Dame Mary Page, 
 Relict of Sir Gregory Page, Bart. 
 She departed this life, March 4th, 1728, 
 
 In the 56th year of her age. 
 In 67 months she was tapped 66 times, and 
 Had taken away 240 gallons of water. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 579 
 
 AT THK OLD MEN'S HOSPITAL, NORWICH, ENCU 
 
 In Memory of Mrs. Phebe Crewe, who died May 28, 1817, aged 77 years ; 
 who, during forty years' practice as a midwife in this city, brought into the 
 world nine thousand seven hundred and thirty children. 
 
 IN THE ABBEY CHURCH OF CONWAY. 
 
 Here lyeth the body of Nich las Hooker, who was the one and fortieth 
 child of his father by Alice his only wife, and the father of seven and 
 twentv children by one wife. He died March 20th, 1637. 
 
 AT WOLSTANTON. 
 
 Mrs. Ann Jennings. 
 Some have children, some have none: 
 Here lies the mother of twenty-one. 
 
 IN THE CHURCHYARD OF HEYDON. 
 
 Here lieth the body of William Strutton, of Paddington, buried May 18th, 
 1734, who had by his first wife, 28 children, and by a second wife, 17 ; own 
 father to 45, grandfather to 86, great-grandfather to 97, and great-great- 
 grandfather to 23; in all, 251. 
 
 IN THE CHURCHYARD OF PEWSEY, WILTSHIRE. 
 
 Here lies the body of Lady O'Looney, great-niece of Burke, commonly 
 called the sublime. She was bland, passionate, and deeply religious ; also, 
 Bhe painted in water-colors, and sent several pictures to the exhibition. She 
 was first cousin to Lady Jones; and of such is the kingdom of heaven. 
 
 IN CRAYFORD CHURCHYARD, KENT. 
 
 Here lieth the body of Peter Snell, thirty-five years clerk of the parish. 
 He lived respected as a pious and faithful man, and died on his way to church 
 to assist at a wedding, on the 31st day of March, 1811. Aged 70 years* 
 The inhabitants of Crayford have raised this stone to his cheerful memory, 
 and as a tribute to his long and faithful services. 
 
 The life of this clerk was just threescore and ten, 
 
 Nearly half of which time he had sung out Amen. 
 
 In his youth he was married, like other young men, 
 
 But his wife died one day, so he chanted Amen. 
 
 A second he took ; she departed : what then? 
 
 He married and buried a third with Amen. 
 
 Thus his joys and his sorrows were treble ; but then 
 
 His voice was deep bass, as he sang out Amen. 
 
 On the horn he could blow as well as most men, 
 
 So "his horn was exalted" in blowing Amen. 
 
 But he lost all his wind after threescore and ten, 
 
 And here with his wives he waits till again 
 
 The trumpet shall rouse him to sing out Amen. 
 
580 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 AT WREXHAM, WALES. 
 
 Elihu Tale, (founder of Yale College,) ob. 1721, set. 73. 
 Born in America, in Europe bred, 
 In Afric travelled, and in Asia wed ; 
 Where long he lived and thrived, in London dead. 
 Much good, some ill, he did ; so hope all's even, 
 And that his soul through mercy's gone to Heaven. 
 3Tou that survive, and read this tale, take care, 
 For this most certain exit to prepare, 
 Where, blest in peace, the actions of the just 
 Smell sweet, and blossom in the silent dust. 
 
 SELF-WRITTEN. 
 
 MATTHEW PRIOR'S. 
 
 Painters and heralds, by your leave, 
 
 Here lie the bones of Matthew Prior, 
 The son of Adam and of Eve : — 
 Let Bourbon or Nassau go higher ! 
 It is said (and the statement appears highly probable) that 
 Prior borrowed his lines from the following very ancient epi- 
 taph upon a tombstone in Scotland : — 
 
 John Carnagie lies here, 
 
 Descended from Adam and Eve; 
 If any can boast of a pedigree higher, 
 
 He will willingly give them leave. 
 
 Coleridge's. 
 Stop, Christian passer-by ! stop, child of God, 
 And read with gentle heart. Beneath this sod 
 A poet lies, or that which once seemed he : — 
 lift a thought in prayer for S. T. C, 
 That he, who many a year with toil of breath 
 Found death in life, may here find life in death j 
 Mercy for praise, to be forgiven for fame, 
 He asked, and hoped through Christ. Do thou the same ! 
 • 
 
 JOHN BACON'S, TOTTENHAM COURT CHAPEL. 
 
 What I was as an Artist 
 Seemed to me of some importance 
 
 while I lived j 
 
 But what I really was as a believer 
 
 in Christ Jesus, 
 
 is the only thing of importance 
 
 to me now. 
 
, CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 581 
 
 DR. COOPER'S, EDINBURGH. 
 
 Here lies a priest of English blood, 
 
 Who, living, liked whate'er was good, — 
 
 Good company, good wine, good name, 
 
 Yet never hunted after fame ; 
 
 But as the first he still preferred, 
 
 So here he chose to be interred, 
 
 And, unobscured, from crowds withdrew 
 
 To rest among a chosen few, 
 
 In humble hopes that sovereign love 
 
 Will raise him to be blest above. 
 
 pope Adrian's. 
 Adrianus, Papa VI., hie situs est, que nihil sibi 
 Infelicius in vita, quam quod imperaret duxit. 
 
 SHEIl/s, (THE IRISH ORATOR). 
 
 Here lie I. There's an end to my woes. 
 
 And my spirit at length at aise is, 
 With the tip of my nose, and the ends of my toes, 
 
 Turned up 'gainst the roots of the daisies. 
 
 The eccentric Sternhold Oakes offered a reward for the best 
 epitaph for his grave. Several tried for the prize, but they 
 flattered him too much, he thought. At last he undertook it 
 himself; and the following was the result : — 
 Here lies the body of Sternhold Oakes, 
 Who lived and died like other folks. 
 That was satisfactory, and the old gentleman claimed the prize, 
 which, as he had the paying of it, was of course allowed. 
 
 MORALIZING AND ADMONITORY. 
 
 AT KENNEBUNK, MAINE. 
 
 Rev. Daniel Little, 1801. 
 Memento mori ! preached his ardent youth, 
 Memento mori ! spoke maturer years ; 
 Memento mori ! sighed his latest breath, 
 Memento mori ! now this stone declares. 
 
 AT ANDOVER, MASS. 
 
 John Abbot, 1793, set. 90. 
 Grass, smoke, a flower, a vapor, shade, a span, 
 Serve to illustrate the frail life of man ; 
 And they, who longest live, survive to see 
 The certainty of death, of life the vanity. 
 49* 
 
582 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 ' IN LLANGOWEN CHURCHYARD, WALES. 
 
 Our life is but a summer's day : 
 Some only breakfast, and away; 
 Others to dinner stay, and are full fed ; 
 The oldest man but sups, and goes to bed. 
 Large his account, who lingers out the day; 
 Who goes the soonest, has the least to pay. 
 
 IN ST. saviour's churchyard, southwark. 
 Like to the damask rose you see, 
 Or like the blossom on the tree, 
 Or like the dainty flower of May, 
 Or like the morning of the day, 
 Or like the sun, or like the shade, 
 Or like the gourd which Jonas had ; 
 Even so is man, whose thread is spun, 
 Drawn out, and cut, and so is done. 
 The rose withers, the blossom blasteth, 
 The flower fades, the morning hasteth : 
 The sun sets, the shadow flies, 
 The gourd consumes, and man he dies. 
 in gillingham churchyard, eng. 
 Take time in time while time doth last, 
 For time is not time when time is past. 
 
 garrick's epitaph on quinn, abbey church, bath. 
 Here lies James Quinn ! Deign reader, to be taught, 
 Whate'er thy strength of body, force of thought, 
 In nature's happiest mould however cast, 
 To this complexion thou must come at last. 
 
 IN NEWINGTON CHURCHYARD. 
 
 Through Christ, I am not inferior 
 To William the Conqueror. 
 
 IN LINCOLNSHIRE, ENGLAND. 
 
 Under this solitary sod 
 
 There lies a man 
 Whose ways were very odd : 
 Whatever his faults were, 
 
 Let them alone. 
 Let thy utmost oare be 
 
 To mend thine own : 
 Let him without a sin 
 
 First cast a stone. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 583 
 
 . ADVERTISING INSCRIPTIONS AND NOTICES. 
 
 IN WILTSHIRE, ENGLAND. 
 
 Beneath this stone in hopes of Zion, 
 Is laid the landlord of the Lion. 
 Resigned unto the heavenly will, 
 His son keeps on the business still. 
 
 In the cemetery of Montmartre, a memorial to a Parisian 
 tradesman, killed in an emeute in the earlier part of the reign 
 of Louis Phillippe, concludes with this advertisement: — 
 
 This tomb was executed by his bereaved widow (veuve desolge,) who 
 still carries on his business at No. — Rue St. Martin. 
 
 This announcement is from a Spanish journal : — 
 
 This morning our Saviour summoned away the jeweller Siebald Illmaga 
 from his shop to another and better world. The undersigned, his widow, 
 will weep upon his tomb, as will also his two daughters, Hilda and Emma, 
 the former of whom is married, and the latter is open to an offer. The 
 funeral will take place to-morrow. His disconsolate widow, Veronique 
 Illmaga. P. S. — This bereavement will not interrupt our business, which 
 will be carried on as usual, only our place of business will be removed from 
 No. 3, Tessi de Teinturiers, to No. 4 Rue de Missionaire, as our grasping 
 landlord has raised our rent. 
 
 UNIQUE AND LUDICROUS EPITAPHS. 
 
 ON A CONNECTICUT MAN WITH A REMARKABLE TUMOR. 
 
 Our father lies beneath the sod, 
 His spirit's gone unto his God ; 
 We never more shall hear his tread, 
 Nor see the icen upon his head. 
 
 ON THE BELOVED PARTNER OP ROBERT KEMP. 
 
 She once was mine 
 But now, oh, Lord, 
 I her to Thee resign, 
 and remain your obedient, humble servant, Robert Kemp. 
 
 ON A MISER. 
 
 Here lies old Father Gripe, who never cried Jam satis; 
 'Twould wake him did he know you read his tombstone gratis. 
 
584 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 REQUIESCAT IN PACE. 
 
 Here lies the body of Obadiah "Wilkinson, 
 and Ruth, his wife : 
 Their warfare is accomplished. 
 
 ON MISS GWIN. 
 
 Here lies the body of Nancy Gwin, 
 Who was so very pure within, 
 She burst her outward shell of sin, 
 And hatched herself a cherubim. 
 
 Whether this, from a village churchyard, is an improvement 
 on Young, is a question : — 
 
 Death loves a shining mark, 
 
 and 
 
 In this case he had it. 
 
 EPITAPH, FOR A GREAT TALKER. 
 
 Hie tacet — instead of hie jacet. 
 
 IN OTSEGO COUNTY, N. Y. 
 
 John burns. 
 (On this a commentator remarks, " Most men suffer enough above ground 
 without being bunglingly abused, post mortem, in ill-written inscriptions 
 which were at least intended to be civil. We suppose the words were 
 simply intended to record the man's name ; but they look marvellously 
 like a noun substantive coupled with a verb in the indicative mood, and 
 affording a sad indication that John burns. There is no hint that John 
 deserved the fate to which he appears to have been consigned since his 
 decease, and we can only say as we read the startling declaration, we should 
 be very sorry to believe it.") 
 
 In the church of Stoke Holy Cross, near Norwich, Eng., is 
 the following epitaph: — 
 
 In the womb of this tomb twins in expectation lay, 
 To be born in the morn of the Resurrection day. 
 
 IN A CHURCHYARD IN CORNWALL. 
 
 Here lies the body of Gabriel John, 
 
 Who died in the year one thousand and one; 
 
 Pray for the soul of Gabriel John, 
 
 You may, if you please, or let it alone, 
 
 For it's all one 
 
 To Gabriel John, 
 Who died in the year one thousand and one. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 585 
 
 IN MORETON CHURCHYARD. 
 
 Here lies the bones of Roger Norton, 
 Whose sudden death was oddly brought on: 
 Trying one day his corns to mow off, 
 The razor slipt and cut his toe off! 
 The toe — or, rather, what it grew to — 
 An inflammation quickly flew to ; 
 The part then took to mortifying, 
 Which was the cause of Roger's dying. 
 
 ON A WOOD-CUTTER, OCKHAM, SURREY, 1736. 
 
 The Lord saw good, I was lopping off wood, 
 
 And down fell from the tree ; 
 I met with a check, and I broke my neck, 
 
 And so death lopped off me. 
 
 A stone-cutter received the following epitaph from a German, 
 to be cut upon the tombstone of his wife : — 
 
 Mine vife Susan is dead, if she had life till nex friday she'd bin dead 
 shust two veeks. As a tree' falls so must it stan, all tings is impossible 
 mit God. 
 
 IN CHILDWALL PARISH, ENGLAND. 
 
 Here lies me, and my three daughters, 
 
 Brought here by using Cheltenham waters. 
 
 If we had stuck to Epsom salts 
 
 We wouldn't be in these here vaults. 
 
 AT OXFORD, NEW HAMPSHIRE. 
 
 To all my friends I bid adieu, 
 
 A more sudden death you never knew, 
 
 As I was leading the old mare to drink, 
 
 She kicked, and killed me quicker'n a wink. 
 
 A SOUTH CAROLINA TRIBUTE TO DEPARTED WORTH. 
 
 Here lies the boddy of Robert Gordin, 
 Mouth almighty and teeth ackordin, 
 
 Stranger tread lightly over this wonder, 
 
 If he opens his mouth, you are gone by thunder. 
 
 ON AN EAST TENNESSEE LADY. 
 
 She lived a life of virtue, and died of the cholera morbus, caused by 
 eating green fruit, in hope of a blessed immortality, at the early age of 
 21 years, 7 months and 16 days ! Reader, ' Go thou and do likewise.' 
 
586 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 FROM SOLYHULI* CHURCHYARD, WARWICKSHIRE. 
 
 The following epitaph was written by a certain Rev. Dr. 
 Greenwood on his wife, who died in childbirth. One hardly 
 knows which to admire most, — the merit of the couplet wherein 
 he celebrates her courage and magnanimity in preferring him 
 to a lord or judge, or the sound advice with which he closes. 
 
 Go, cruel Death, thou hast cut down 
 
 The fairest Greenwood in all this kingdom 1 
 
 Her virtues and good qualities were such 
 
 That surely she deserved a lord or judge; 
 
 But her piety and humility 
 
 Made her prefer me, a Doctor in Divinity; 
 
 Which heroic action, joined to all the rest, 
 
 Made her to be esteemed the Phoenix of her sex ; 
 
 And like that bird, a young she did create 
 
 To comfort those her loss had made disconsolate. 
 
 My grief for her was so sore 
 
 That I can only utter two lines more : 
 
 For this and all other good women's sake, 
 
 Never let blisters be applied to a lying-in woman's back. 
 
 Robert Baxter of Farhouse, who died in 1796, was believed 
 to have been poisoned by a neighbor with whom he had a 
 violent quarrel. Baxter was well known to be a man of vora- 
 cious appetite ) and it seems that one morning, on going out to 
 the fell, he found a piece of bread and butter wrapped in 
 white paper. This he incautiously devoured, and died a few 
 hours after in great agony. The following is inscribed on his 
 tombstone, Knaresdale, Northumberland : — 
 
 All you that please these lines to read, 
 It will cause a tender heart to bleed. 
 I murdered was upon the fell, 
 And by the man I knew full well ; 
 By bread and butter which he'd laid, 
 I, being harmless, was betrayed. 
 / hope he will rewarded be 
 That laid the poison there for me. 
 
 IN DONCASTER CHURCHYARD, 1816. 
 
 Here lies 2 Brothers by misfortin serounded, 
 
 One dy'd of his wounds <fc the other was drownded. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 587 
 
 AT SABAGOSSA, SPAIN. 
 
 Here lies John Quebecca, precentor to My Lord the King. When he is 
 admitted to the choir of angels, whose society he will embellish, and where 
 he will distinguish himself by his powers of song, God shall say to the angels, 
 " Cease, ye calves ! and let me hear John Quebecca, the precentor of My 
 Lord the King I" 
 
 Rochester's epitaph on charles n. 
 Here lies our sovereign lord the king, 
 
 Whose word no man relied onj 
 Who never said a foolish thing, 
 
 And never did a wise one. 
 
 FROM A GRAVESTONE IN ESSEX, ENGLAND. 
 
 Here lies ,the man Richard, 
 
 And Mary his wife, 
 Whose surname was Pritchard : 
 
 They lived without strife ; 
 And the reason was plain, — 
 
 They abounded in riches, 
 They had no care nor pain, 
 
 And his wife wore the breeches. 
 
 In All Saints' Churchyard, Leicester, may be found the fol- 
 lowing on two children of John Bracebridge, who were both 
 named John and both died in infancy : — 
 
 Both John and John soon lost their lives, 
 
 And yet, by God, John still survives. 
 
 Bishop Thurlow, at one of his visitations, had the words by 
 God altered to through God. 
 
 PROM THETFORD CHURCHYARD. 
 
 My grandfather was buried here, 
 
 My cousin Jane, and two uncles dearj 
 
 My father perished with inflammation in the thighs, 
 
 And my sister dropped down dead in the Minories : 
 
 But the reason why I'm here interred, according to my thinking, 
 
 Is owing to my good living and hard drinking. 
 
 If, therefore., good Christians, you wish to live long, 
 
 Don't drink too much wine, brandy, gin, or any thing strong. 
 
 IN A CHURCHYARD IN ABERDEEN, SCOTLAND. 
 
 Here lies I, Martin Elmrod ; 
 Have mercy on my soul, gude God, 
 As I would have on thine gin I were God, 
 And thou wert Martin Elmrod. 
 
588 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 IN SWANSEA CHURCHYARD. 
 
 The body underneath this stone ia 
 Of my late husband, Jacob Jonas, 
 Who, when alive, was an Adonis. 
 
 Ah 1 well-a-day '. 
 
 death ! thou spoiler of fair faces, 
 Why tookst thou him from my embraces ? 
 How couldst thou mar so many graces ? 
 Say, tyrant, say. 
 
 AT NORTHALLERTON. 
 
 Hie jacet Walter Gun, 
 
 Sometime landlord .of the Sun/ 
 Sic transit gloria mundi ! 
 
 He drank hard upon Friday, 
 
 That being a high day, 
 Then took to his bed, and died upon Sunday. 
 
 ALL SAINTS, NEWCASTLE. 
 
 Here lies poor Wallace, 
 
 The prince of good fellows, 
 Clerk of Allhallows, 
 And maker of bellows. 
 He bellows did make till the day of his death j 
 But he that made bellows could never make breath. 
 
 IN CALSTOCK CHURCHYARD, CORNWALL. 
 
 'Twas by a fall I caught my death ; 
 No man can tell his time or breath; 
 I might have died as soon as then, 
 If I had had physician men. 
 
 ON GENERAL WOLFE. 
 
 On the death of General Wolfe, a premium was offered for 
 the best epitaph on that officer. One of the candidates for 
 the prize sent a poem, of which the following stanza is a 
 specimen : — 
 
 He marched without dread or fears, 
 At the head of his bold grenadiers ; 
 And what was more remarkable — nay, very particular— 
 He climbed up rocks that were perpendicular. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 589 
 
 REBECCA ROGERS, FOLKESTONE, 1688. 
 
 A house she bath, 'tis made of such good fashion, 
 The tenant ne'er shall pay for reparation ; 
 Nor will her landlord ever raise her rent, 
 Or turn her out of doors for non-payment : 
 From chimney-tax this cell's forever free, — 
 To such a house, who would not tenant be ? 
 
 IN DORCHESTER, MASS. 
 
 1661. 
 Heare lyes our captaine, and major of Suffolk was withall, 
 A godly magistrate was he, and major generall. 
 
 Two troops of hors with him here came, such worth his love did crave, 
 Ten companyes of foot also mourning marcht to his grave. 
 Let all that read be sure to keep the faith as he hath don ; 
 With Christ he lives now crownd. His name was Humphry Atherton. 
 
 IN KNIGHTSBRIDGE CHURCHYARD. 
 
 On a man who was too poor to be buried with relations in 
 the church : — 
 
 Here I lie at the chancel door, 
 And I lie here because I am poor ; 
 For the further in, the more you pay, — 
 But here I lie as warm as they. 
 
 IN BIDEPORD CHURCHYARD, KENT. 
 
 The wedding-day appointed was, 
 
 And wedding-clothes provided, 
 But ere the day did come, alas ! 
 
 He sickened, and he die did. 
 
 IN WHITTLEBURY CHURCHYARD, NORTHAMPTONSHIRE. 
 
 John Heath, 1767, ast. 27. 
 While Time doth run, from sin depart; 
 Let none e'er shun Death's piercing dart; 
 For read and look, and you will see 
 A wondrous change was wrought on me. 
 For while I lived in joy and mirth, 
 Grim Death came in and stopped my breath j 
 For I was single in the morning light, 
 By noon was married, and was dead at night. 
 
 IN LONGNOR CHURCHYARD, STAFFORD. 
 
 William Billings, a soldier in the British army 75 years, 
 
 Died 1793, aged 114 years. 
 Billeted by death, I quartered here remain, 
 And when the trumpet sounds, I'll rise and march again. 
 oO 
 
590 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 IN ROCHESTER CHURCHYARD, ENG. 
 
 Though young she was, 
 
 Her youth could not withstand, 
 Nor her protect 
 
 From Death's impartial hand. 
 Life is a cobweb, be we e'er so gay, 
 And death a broom that sweeps us all away. 
 
 HUMPHREY COLE. 
 
 Here lies the body of good Humphrey Cole; 
 Though black his name, yet spotless is his soul; 
 But yet not black, though Carbo is the name, 
 Thy chalk is scarcely whiter than his fame. 
 A priest of priests, inferior was to none, 
 Took heaven by storm when here his race was run. 
 Thus ends the record of this pious man : 
 Go and do likewise, reader, if you can. 
 
 IN EAST HARTFORD, CONN. 
 
 Now she is dead and cannot stir ; 
 
 Her cheeks are like the faded rose ; 
 Which of us next shall follow her, 
 
 The Lord Almighty only knows. 
 
 Hark, she bids all her friends adieu; 
 
 An angel calls her to the spheres ; 
 Our eyes the radiant saint pursue 
 
 Through liquid telescopes of tears. 
 
 ON A TOMBSTONE IN NEW JERSEY. 
 
 Reader, pass on ! — don't waste your time 
 On bad biography and bitter rhyme ; 
 For what / am, this crumbling clay insures, 
 And what I was, is no affair of yours ! 
 
 IN A NEW ENGLAND GRAVEYARD. 
 
 Here lies John Auricular, 
 
 Who in the ways of the Lord walked perpendicular 
 
 Many a cold wind o'er my body shall roll, 
 
 While in Abraham's bosom I'm a feasting my soul. 
 
 AT AUGUSTA, MAINE. 
 
 — After Life's Scarlet Fever, 
 I sleep welt. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 591 
 
 The following illustrated epitaph is copied from a tombstone 
 near Wiiliamsport, Pa. 
 
 Sacred to the memory of 
 
 Henry Harris, 
 
 Born June 27th, 1821, of Henry Harris 
 
 and Jane his wife. 
 
 Died on the 4th of May, 1837, by the kick of a colt 
 
 in his bowels. 
 
 Peaceable and quiet, a friend to 
 
 his father and mother, and respected 
 
 by all who knew him, and went 
 
 to the world where horses 
 
 don't kick, where sorrows and weeping 
 
 is no more. 
 
 In Dorchester, Mass. may be seen the following queer epi- 
 taph on a young woman : — 
 
 On the 21st of March 
 
 God's angels made a sarche. 
 
 Around the door they stood; 
 
 They took a maid, 
 
 It is said, 
 
 And cut her down like wood. 
 
 A Dutchman's epitaph on his twin babes : — 
 Here lies two babes, dead as two nits, 
 Who shook to death mit aguey fits. 
 They was too good to live mit me, 
 So God he took 'em to live mit he. 
 
 MORTUARY PUNS. 
 
 Peter Comestor, whom the following epitaph represents as 
 speaking, was the author of a Commentary on the Scriptures. 
 He died in 1198 :— 
 
592 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 I who was once called Peter [a stone], am now covered by a stone [petra] ; 
 and I who was once named Comestor [devourer], am now devoured. I taught 
 when alive, nor do I cease to teach, though dead ; for he who beholds me re- 
 duced to ashes may say, — "This man was once what we are now; and what 
 he is now, we soon shall be." 
 
 ON A YOUTH WHO DIED FOR LOVE OP MOLLY STONE. 
 
 Molle fuit saxum, saxum, ! si Molle fuisset, 
 Non foret hie subter, sed super esset ei. 
 
 Luttrell wrote the following on a man who was run over by 
 an omnibus : — 
 
 Killed by an omnibus ! Why not ? 
 
 So quick a death a boon is : 
 Let not his friends lament his lot — 
 
 Mors omnibus communis. 
 
 WILLIAM MORE, STEPNEY CHURCHYARD. 
 
 Here lies one More, and no more than he ; 
 One More, and no more ! how can that be? 
 Why one More and no more, may lie here alone; 
 But here lies one More, and that's more than one ! 
 
 On the tombstone of John Fell, superintendent of the turn- 
 pike-roads from Kirby Kendal to Kirby Irleth, are the follow- 
 ing lines : — 
 
 Reader, doth he not merit well thy praise, 
 
 Whose practice was through life to mend his ways ? 
 
 IN SELBY CHURCHYARD, YORK. 
 
 This tombstone is a Milestone; ha, how so? 
 Because, beneath lies Miles, who's Miles below. 
 
 ON DU BOIS, BORN IN A BAGGAGE-WAGON, AND KILLED IN A DUEL. 
 
 Begot in a cart, in a cart first drew breath, 
 
 Carte tierce was his life, and a carte was his death, 
 
 ON LILL. 
 
 Here lies the tongue of Godfrey Lill, 
 Which always lied, and lies here still. 
 
 On the tombstone of Dr. Walker, who wrote a work on 
 "English Particles," is inscribed, — 
 
 Here lies Walker's Particles. 
 Dr. Fuller's reads, — 
 
 Here lies Fuller's Earth. 
 
 And Archbishop Potter's, — 
 
 Alack and well-a-day, 
 
 Potter himself is turned to clay. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 593 
 
 Proposed by Jerrold for Charles Knight, the Shakspearian 
 
 critic : — 
 
 Good Knight. 
 
 On a well-known Shakspearian actor : — 
 Exit Burbage. 
 
 On the tomb of an auctioneer at Greenwood : — 
 
 Going, — going, — gone ! 
 
 Miss Long was a beautiful actress of the last century, so 
 short in stature that she was called the Pocket Venus. Her 
 epitaph concludes, — 
 
 Though Long, yet short j 
 
 Though short, yet Pretty Long. 
 
 On the eminent barrister, Sir John Strange : — 
 
 Here lies an honest lawyer — that is Strange. 
 
 On William Button, in a churchyard near Salisbury : — 
 sun, moon, stars, and ye celestial poles ! 
 Are graves, then, dwindled into Button-holes ? 
 
 On Foote, the comedian : — 
 
 Foote from his earthly stage, alas! is hurled; 
 Death took him off, who took off all the world. 
 
 In the chancel of the church of Barrow-on-Soar, Leicester- 
 shire, is the following on Theophilus Cave : — 
 Here in this Grave there lies a Cave. 
 We call a Grave a Cave ; 
 If Cave be Grave, and Grave be Cave, 
 Then, reader, judge, I crave, 
 Whether doth Cave here lye in Grave, 
 Or Grave here lye in Cave : 
 If Grave in Cave here bury'd lye, 
 Then Grave, where is thy victory ? 
 Goe, reader, and report here lyes a Cave, 
 Who conquers Death and buries his own Grave. 
 
 The following, in Harrow Churchyard, is ascribed to Lord 
 Byron : — 
 
 Beneath these green trees rising to the skies, 
 The planter of them, Isaac Greentree, lies ; 
 A time shall come when these green trees shall fall, 
 And Isaac Greentree rise above them all. 
 
 2N 50* 
 
594 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 ON THOMAS GREENHILL, OXFORDSHIRE, 1624. ; 
 
 - _ He once a Hill was fresh and Green, 
 
 Now withered is not to be seen ; 
 i Earth in earth shovelled up is shut, 
 
 A Hill into a Hole is put ; 
 But darksome earth by Power Divine, 
 Bright at last as the sun may shine. 
 
 ON A CORONER WHO HANGED HIMSELF. 
 
 He lived and died 
 By suicide. 
 
 ON A CELEBRATED COOK. 
 
 Peace to his hashes. 
 
 ON MR. FISH. 
 
 Worms bait for fish ; but here's a sudden change .; 
 Fish is bait for worms — is not that passing strange ? 
 
 ON TWO CHILDREN. 
 
 To the memory of Emma and Maria Littleboy^ 
 the twin-children of 
 George and Emma Littleboy of Hornsey, 
 - who died July 16, 1783. 
 
 Two little boys lie here, 
 
 Yet strange to say, 
 These little boys are girls. 
 
 ON MISS NOTT. 
 
 Nott born, Nott dead, Nott christened, Nott begot j 
 So here she lies that was and that was Nott. 
 Reader behold a wonder rarely wrought, 
 Which while thou seem'st to read thou readest Nott. 
 
 ON MARY ANGEL, STEPNEY, 1693. 
 
 To say an angel here interred doth lie, 
 May be thought strange,for angels never die; 
 Indeed some fell from heaven to hell, 
 
 Are lost to rise no more ; 
 This only fell from death to earth, 
 Not lost but gone before ; 
 Her dust lodged here, her soul perfect in grace, 
 Among saints and angels now hath took its place. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 595 
 
 Beloe, in his Anecdotes, gives the following on William Lawes, 
 tne musical composer, who was killed by the Roundheads : — 
 Concord is conquered ! In his turn there lies 
 The master of great Music's mysteries ; 
 And in it is a riddle, like the cause, 
 Will Lawes was slain by men whose Wills were Laws. 
 
 ON MR. JOSEPH KINO. 
 
 Here lies a man than whom no better's wal-king, 
 Who was when sleeping even always tal-king ; 
 A king by birth was he, and yet was no king, 
 In life was thin-king, and in death was Jo-King. 
 
 On John Adam$, of Southwell, a carrier, who died of drunkenness, — Byron. 
 John Adams lies here, of the parish of Southwell, 
 A carrier who carried the can to his mouth well; 
 He carried so much, and he carried so fast, 
 He could carry no more, — so was carried at last; 
 For the liquor he drank being too much for one, 
 He could not carry off, so he's now carri-on. 
 
 ON A LINEN-DRAPER. 
 
 Cottons and cambrics, all adieu, 
 
 And muslins too, farewell, 
 Plain, striped, and figured, old and new, 
 
 Three quarters, yard, or ell ; 
 By nail and yard I've measured ye, 
 
 As customers inclined, 
 The churchyard now has measured me, 
 
 And nails my coffin bind. 
 
 ON A WOMAN WHO HAD AN ISSUE IN HER LEO. 
 
 Here lieth Margaret, otherwise Meg, 
 Who died without issue, save one in her leg. 
 Strange woman was she, and exceedingly cunning, 
 For while one leg stood still, the other kept running. 
 
 PROM LLANFLANTWYTHYL CHURCHYARD, WALES. 
 
 Under this stone lies Meredith Morgaft, 
 
 Who blew the bellows of our church-organ ; 
 
 Tobacco he hated, to smoke most unwilling, 
 
 Yet never so pleased as when pipes he was filling; 
 
 No reflection on him for rude speech could be cast, 
 
 Though he made our old organ give many a blast. 
 
 No puffer was he, though a capital blower, 
 
 He could fill double G, and now lies a note lower. 
 
596 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 ON A LAST-MAKER. 
 
 Stop, stranger, stop, and wipe a tear, 
 For the last man at last lies here. 
 Though ever-Zast-ing he has been, 
 i He has at last passed life's last scene. 
 
 Famed for good works, much time he passed 
 In doing good, — he has done his last. 
 
 FROM ST. ANNE'S CHURCHYARD, ISLE OF MAN. 
 
 Daniel Tear, ob. Dec. 7, 1787, »t. 110 years. 
 Here, friend, is little Daniel's tomb; 
 
 To Joseph's age he did arrive, 
 Sloth killing thousands in their bloom, 
 
 While labor kept poor Dan alive. 
 Though strange, yet true, full seventy years 
 His wife was happy in her Tears. 
 
 In the Greek Anthology is a punning epitaph on a physician, 
 by Empedocles, who lived in the fifth century before Christ. 
 The pun consists in the derivation of the name Pausanias, — 
 causing a cessation of pain or affliction, — and therefore only 
 a portion of the double meaning can be preserved in a transla- 
 tion : — 
 
 Paw«anias, — not so named without a cause, 
 
 As one who oft has given to pain a pause, — 
 
 Blest son of Esculapius, good and wise, 
 
 Here in his native Gela buried lies ; 
 
 Who many a wretch once rescued by his charms 
 
 From dark Persephone's constraining arms, 
 
 CURIOUS AND PUZZLING EPITAPHS. 
 
 On the monument of Sardanapalus was inscribed, in Assyrian 
 characters, — 
 EZ8IE, niNE, UAIZE. QS T'AAAA T0YT0Y OYK ASIA. 
 
 EAT, DRINK, BE MERRY. THE REST IS NOT WORTH THAT ! 
 
 meaning a snap of the fingers, which is represented by a hand 
 engraved on the stone, with the thumb and middle finger meet- 
 ing at the top. Casaubon translates -rzat^siv, to love (jtac^stu 
 nihil aliud significat nisi epav). Solomon said, all is vanity, 
 but not till he had eaten, drunk, and loved to a surfeit ; and 
 Swift left the well-known lines, — 
 
oHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 597 
 
 Life's a farce, and all things show it, 
 I thought so once, but now I know it, — 
 
 but this information was for the tomb, when the capacity to eat, 
 clrink, and love was gone. 
 
 At the entrance of the church of San Salvador, in the city 
 of Oviedo, in Spain, is a remarkable tomb, erected by a prince 
 named Silo, with a very curious Latin inscription, which may 
 be read two hundred and seventy ways, by beginning with the 
 capital S in the centre : — 
 
 Silo Princeps Fecit, 
 ticefspecnoepsfecit 
 icefspecnincepsfeci 
 cefspecnirincepcfeo 
 epspecnirprincepspe 
 pspecnirpoprincepsf 
 specnirpoloprinceps 
 pecnirpoliloprincep 
 ecnirpoli slloprince 
 pecnirpol iloprincep 
 specnirpoloprinceps 
 pspecnirpoprincepsf 
 epspecnirprincepspe 
 oepspecnirincepspec 
 ioepspecnincepspe c i 
 t icepspecncepspec i t 
 On the tomb are inscribed these letters : — 
 
 H. S. E. S. S. T. T. L. 
 
 Which are the initials of the following Latin words :— 
 
 Hie situs est Silo, sit tibi terra levis. 
 [ Here lies Silo. May the earth lie lightly upon him.] 
 
 PROM ST. AGNES', LONDON. 
 
 Qu an tris di c vul stra 
 
 os guis ti ro um nere vit. 
 
 H san chris mi t mu la 
 
 The middle line furnishes the terminal letters or syllables of 
 the words in the upper and lower lines, and when added they 
 read thus : — 
 
 Quos anguis tristi diro cum vulnere stravit 
 Hos sanguis Christi miro turn munore lavit. 
 [Those who have felt the serpent's venomed wound 
 In Christ's miraculous blood have healing found.] 
 
598 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 FROM A CHURCHYARD IN GERMANY. 
 
 quid tua te 
 
 be bis bia abit ^ 
 
 ra ra ra 
 
 es 
 
 et in 
 
 ram ram ram 
 
 i i 
 
 Mox eris quod ego nunc. 
 
 Taking the position of the words in the first line, which are 
 placed above or over (super) those in the second, and noting 
 the repetition of the syllables ra and ram thrice (ter), and the 
 letter % twice (bis), the reading is easy. 
 
 O superbe quid swperbis ? tua superbia, te sujperabit. Terra 
 es et in terrain ibis, Mox eris quod ego nunc. 
 
 FROM CUNW ALLOW CHURCHYARD, CORNWALL. 
 
 (May be read backwards or forwards, up or down.) 
 Sball we all die? 
 We shall die all, 
 All die shall we, — 
 Die all we shall. 
 
 FROM LAVENHA.M CHURCH, NORFOLK, ENG. 
 
 John Weles, ob. 1694. 
 Quod fuit esse, quod est ; 
 Quod non fuit esse, quod esse; 
 Esse quod est, non est ; 
 Quod non est, hoc erit esse. 
 [What was existence, is that which lies here ; that which was not existence, 
 is that which is existence; to be what is now is not to be; that which is now, 
 is not existence, but will be hereafter.] 
 
 Or thus : — 
 That which a being was, what is it ? show ; 
 That being which it was, it is not now ; 
 To be what is, is not to be, you see ; 
 That which now is not shall a being be. 
 
 ON THE MONUMENT OF JOHN OF DONCASTER, 1579. 
 
 Habeo, dedi quod alteri ; 
 Habuique quod, dedi mini ; 
 Sed quod reliqui, perdidi. 
 [What I gave, I have ; 
 What I spent, I had; 
 What I saved, I lost.] 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 599 
 
 IN THE CHURCHYARD OP LLANGERRIG, MONTGOMERYSHIRE. 
 
 h 1 m f I 
 
 Till J I from 
 
 Earth 
 
 observe this well,— 
 shall come to dwell J 
 shall close remain, 
 shall rise again. 
 
 ■ ALL. 
 
 IN HADLEY CHURCHYARD, 8UFFOLK. 
 
 The charnel mounted on the w 
 Sets to be seen in funer 
 A matron plain domestic 
 In care and pain continu 
 Not slow, not gay, not prodig 
 Yet neighborly and hospit 
 Her children seven, yet living 
 Her sixty-seventh year hence did o 
 To rest her body natur 
 In hopes to rise spiritu 
 
 WRITTEN in 1748. 
 Ye witty mortals, as you're passing by, 
 Remark that near this monument doth lie, 
 Centered in dust, 
 Two husbands, two wives, 
 
 Two sisters, two brothers, 
 Two fathers, a son, 
 
 Two daughters, two mothers, 
 A grandfather, grandmother, and a granddaughter, 
 An uncle, an aunt, and their niece followed after. 
 This catalogue of persons mentioned here 
 Was only Jive, and all from incest clear. 
 
 in st. paul's, deptford. 
 Rev. Dr. Conyers expired immediately after the delivery of 
 a sermon from the text, " Ye shall see my face no more/' 89t. 
 G2, 1786. 
 
 Sent by their Lord on purposes of grace, 
 
 Thus angels do hia will, and see his face; 
 
 With outspread wings they stand, prepared to soar, 
 
 Declare their message, and are seen no more. 
 
 Underneath is a Latin inscription, of which the following is 
 
 a translation : — 
 
 I have sinned, 
 
 I repented, I believed, 
 
 I have loved, I rest, 
 
 I shall rise again, 
 
 And by the grace of Christ, 
 
 However unworthy, 
 
 I shall reign. 
 
600 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 PARALLELS WITHOUT A PARALLEL. 
 
 AT WINCHESTER, ENG. 
 
 On the north side of this church is the monument of two brothers of the 
 surname Clarke, wherewith I was so taken as take them I mustj and as I 
 found them I pray accept them. 
 
 Thus an union of two brothers from Avington, the Clarices' family, were 
 grandfather, father, and son, successivelie clerkes of the Privy Seale in Court 
 
 The grandfather had but two sons, both Thomas. 
 
 Their wives both Amys, 
 
 Their heyres both Henry, 
 
 And the heyres of Henries both Thomas. 
 
 Both their wives were inheritrixes, 
 
 And both had two sons and one daughter. 
 
 And both their daughters issuelesse. 
 
 Both of Oxford ; both of the Temple ; 
 
 Both officers to Queen Elizabeth and o r noble King James. 
 
 And both Justices of the Peace. 
 
 Togeather both agree in armes, one a knight, y e other a captain. 
 
 Si quseras pluraj both — ; and so I leave y m . 
 
 BATHOS. 
 
 HOWELL'S EPITAPH ON CHARLES I. 
 
 So fell the royal oak by a wild crew 
 
 Of mongrel shrubs, that underneath him grew; 
 
 So fell the lion by a pack of curs j 
 
 So the rose withered 'twixt a knot of burs ; 
 
 So fell the eagle by a swarm of gnats ; 
 
 So the whale perished by a shoal of sprats! 
 
 TRANSCENDENTAL. 
 
 FROM THE CHURCHYARD OP ST. EDMUND'S, SALISBURY. 
 
 Written by a Swedenborgian named Maton, on his children. 
 Innocence embellishes divinely complete 
 To prescience co-egent now sublimely great 
 In the benign, perfecting, vivifying state. 
 So heavenly guardian occupy the skies 
 The pre-existent God, omnipotent, all-wise ; 
 He shall surpassingly immortalize thy theme 
 And permanent thy bliss, celestial, supreme. 
 When gracious refulgence bids the grave resign, 
 The Creator's nursing protection be thine; 
 Then each perspiring ether shall joyfully rise 
 Transcendently good, supereminently wise. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 601 
 
 CENTO. 
 
 AT NORTHBOROUGH, MASS. 
 
 On the tombstone of Rabbi Judah Monis, 40 years Hebrew 
 Instructor in Harvard University, who was converted to 
 Christianity in 1722, and died in 17§4. 
 A native branch of Jacob see, 
 
 Which once from off its olive broke; 
 Regrafted from the living tree, Rom. xi. 17, 24. 
 
 Of the reviving sap partook. 
 From teeming Zion's fertile womb, Isa. lxvi. 8. 
 
 As dewy drops in early morn, Ps. ex. 3. 
 
 Or rising bodies from the tomb, John v. 28, 29. 
 
 At once be Israel's nation born. Isa. lxvi. 8. 
 
 ACROSTICAL. 
 
 AT DORCHESTER, MASS. 
 
 James Humphrey, 1686. 
 I nclosed within this shrine is precious dust, 
 A nd only waits the rising of the just ; 
 M ost useful while he lived, adorned his station, 
 E ven to old age served his generation, 
 S ince his decease thought of with veneration. 
 
 H ow great a blessing this ruling elder he 
 
 U ntp this church and town and pastors three I 
 
 M ather, the first, did by him help receive ; 
 
 F lint he did next his burden much relieve; 
 
 R enowned Danforth did he assist with skill, 
 
 E steemed high by all, bear fruit until, 
 
 Y ielding to death, his glorious seat did fill. 
 
 IN ASH CHURCH, KENT. 
 
 6-1 John Brooke of the Parish of Ashe, 
 
 © Only he is nowe gone, 
 
 H His days are past; his corps is layd 
 
 £3 Now under this marble stone. 
 
 W Brookstrete he was the honor of, 
 
 £d Robd now it is of name, 
 
 O Only because he had no sede 
 
 O Or children to have the same ; 
 
 W Knowing that all must pass away, 
 
 t=J Even when God will, none can denay. 
 He passed to God in the yere of Grace 
 One thousand fyve hundredth fower score and two it was, 
 The sixteenth daye of January, I tell now playne, 
 The fyve and twentieth yere of Elizabeth rayne 
 51 
 
602 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 ABORIGINAL. 
 
 IN THE MOHEAGAN BURIAL-GROUND, CONN. 
 
 Here lies the body of Sunseeto, 
 
 Own son to Uncas, grandson to Oneeko, 
 
 Who were the famous sachems of Moheagan, 
 
 But now they are all dead, I think it is werheegen.* 
 
 ORONO, CHIEF OF THE PENOBSCOTS, OLDTOWN, MAINE, 1801, MT. 113 
 
 Safe lodged within his blanket, here below, 
 Lie the last relics of old Orono ; 
 Worn down with toil and care, he in a trice 
 Exchanged his wigwam for a paradise. 
 
 AFRICAN. 
 
 AT CONCORD, MASS. 
 
 God wills us free; man wills us slaves. I will as God wills: God's will be 
 done. Here lies the body of John Jack, a native of Africa, who died, March, 
 1773, aged about 60 years. Though born in a land of slavery, he was born 
 free ; though he lived in a land of liberty, he lived a slave, till, by his honest 
 though stolen labors, he acquired the source of slavery, which gave him his 
 freedom, though not long before death, the grand tyrant, gave him his final 
 emancipation, and set him on a footing with kings. Though a slave to vice, 
 he practised those virtues, without which, kings are but slaves. * 
 
 AT ATTLEBORO, MASS. 
 
 Here lies the best of slaves, 
 
 Now turning into dust. 
 Cesar, the Ethiopian, craves 
 
 A place among the just. 
 His faithful soul is fled 
 
 To realms of heavenly light; 
 And by the blood that Jesus shed, 
 
 Is changed from black to white 
 January 15, he quitted the stage, 
 In the 77th year of his age. 
 
 HIBERNIAN. 
 
 AT BELTURBET. 
 
 Here lies John Higley, whose father and mother were 
 
 drowned in their passage from America. 
 Had they both lived, they would have been buried here.(!) 
 
 Here lies the body of John Mound, 
 Lost at sea and never found. 
 
 * Meaning, All is well, or good news. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 603 
 
 cruel Death ! how could you be so unkind, 
 
 To take him before and leave me behind ? 
 
 You should have taken both of us if either ; 
 
 Which would have been more pleasing to the survivor ! 
 
 Here lies father and mother, and sister and I, — 
 They all died within the short space of one year. 
 They all be buried at Wimble but I, 
 And I be buried here. 
 
 AT MONKNEWTON, NEAR DROGHEDA. 
 
 Erected by Patrick Kelly, 
 
 Of the town of Drogheda, Mariner, 
 
 In Memory of his Posterity. 
 
 Also the above Patrick Kelly, 
 
 Who departed this Life the 12th August 1844, 
 
 Age 60 years, 
 
 Requiescat in pace. 
 
 AT MONTROSE, 1757. 
 
 Here lyes the Bodeys of George Young and Isabel Guthrie, and all their 
 Posterity for more than fifty years backwards. 
 
 at st. Andrew's, Plymouth. 
 
 Here lies the body of James Vernon, Esq., only surviving son of 
 Admiral Vernon : died 23rd July 1753. 
 
 AT LLANMYNECH, MONTGOMERYSHIRE. 
 
 Here lies John Thomas 
 And his children dear; 
 Two buried at Oswestry, 
 And one here. 
 
 IN OXFORDSHIRE. 
 
 Here lies the body of John Eldred, 
 At least he will be here when he is dead j 
 But now at this time he is alive, 
 The 14th of August 'sixty-five. 
 
 GREEK EPITAPHS. 
 
 Christopher North, speaking of the celebrated epitaph writ- 
 ten by Simonides and graved on the monument erected in 
 commemoration of the battle of Thermopylae, says : — The oldest 
 and best inscription is that on the altar-tomb of the Three 
 
604 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 Hundred, Here it is, — the Greek, — with three Latin and 
 eighteen English versions. Start not : it is but two lines ; and 
 all Greece, for centuries, had them by heart. She forgot them, 
 and "Greece was living Greece no more!" 
 
 Of the various English translations of this celebrated epitaph, 
 the following are the best : — 
 
 stranger, tell it to the Lacedaemonians, 
 
 That we lie here in obedience to their precepts, 
 
 Go tell the Spartans, thou who passest by, 
 
 That here, obedient to their laws, we lie. 
 
 ON MILTIADES. 
 
 Miltiades ! thy valor best 
 (Although in every region known) 
 
 The men of Persia can attest, 
 Taught by thyself at Marathon. 
 
 ON THE TOMB OF THEMISTOCLES. 
 
 By the sea's margin, on the watery strand, 
 Thy monument, Themistocles, shall stand. 
 By this directed to thy native shore, 
 The merchant shall convey his freighted store; 
 And when our fleets are summoned to the fight, 
 Athens shall conquer with this tomb in sight. 
 
 ON ^SIGENES. 
 
 Hail, universal mother ! lightly rest 
 
 On that dead form 
 Which when with life invested ne'er opprest 
 
 Its fellow-worm. 
 
 ON TIMOCRITUS. 
 
 Timocritus adorns this humble grave ; 
 
 Mars spares the coward, and destroys the brave. 
 
 ON TWO NEIGHBORING TOMBS. 
 
 This is a sailor's — that a ploughman's tomb; — 
 Thus sea and land abide one common doom. 
 
 My lot was meagre fare, disease and shame. 
 At length I died — you all must do the same. 
 
 Fortune and Hope, farewell! I've found the port: 
 You've done with me — go now, with others sport. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 605 
 
 ON HELIODORA. 
 
 Tears, Heliodora ! on thy tomb I shed, 
 
 Love's last libation to the shades below ; 
 Tears, bitter tears, by fond remembrance fed, 
 
 Are all that Fate now leaves me to bestow. 
 
 Vain sorrows ! vain regrets ! yet, loveliest, thee, 
 
 Thee still they follow in the silent urn, 
 Retracing hours of social converse free, 
 
 And soft endearments never to return. 
 
 How thou art torn, sweet flower, that smiled so fair J 
 Torn, and thy honored bloom with dust defiled; 
 
 Yet, holy earth, accept my suppliant prayer, 
 And in a mother's arms enfold thy child. 
 
 FROM THE ALCESTIS OP EURIPIDES. 
 
 We will not look on her burial sod 
 
 As the cell of sepulchral sleep : 
 It shall be as the shrine of a radiant god, 
 And the pilgrim shall visit this blest abode 
 
 To worship, and not to weep. 
 And as he turns his steps aside, 
 
 Thus shall he breathe his vow : — 
 Here slept a self-devoted bride; 
 Of old, to save her lord she died, 
 
 She is an angel now. 
 
 ON A YOUNG BRIDE. 
 
 Not Hymen, — it was Ades' self alone 
 
 That loosened Clearista's virgin zone : 
 
 The morning 'spousal song was raised, — but oh ! 
 
 At once 'twas silenced into threnes of woe; 
 
 And the same torches which the bridal bed 
 
 Had lit, now showed the pathway to the dead. 
 
 ON A BACHELOR. 
 
 At threescore winters' end I died, 
 
 A cheerless being, sole and sad; 
 The nuptial knot I never tied, 
 
 And wish my father never had. 
 
 My name, my country, what are they to thee? 
 What, whether base or proud my pedigree? 
 Perhaps I far surpassed all other men ; 
 Perhaps I fell below them all, — what then ? 
 Suffice it, stranger, that thou seest a tomb; 
 Thou know'st its use, — it hides, — no matter whom. 
 51* 
 
606 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 ANTITHESIS EXTRAORDINARY. 
 
 The following singular inscription may be seen on a monu- 
 ment in Horsley Down Church, Cumberland, England : — 
 Here lie the bodies of 
 Thomas Bond and Mary his wife. 
 She was temperate, chaste, and charitable. 
 But 
 She was proud, peevish, and passionate. 
 She was an affectionate wife and a tender 
 mother, 
 But 
 Her husband and child, whom she loved, seldom 
 saw her countenance without a 
 disgusting frown; 
 Whilst she received visitors whom she despised 
 
 with an endearing smile. 
 
 Her behaviour was discreet towards strangers, 
 
 But 
 
 Imprudent in her family. 
 
 Abroad her conduct was influenced by good 
 
 breeding, 
 
 But 
 
 At home by ill temper. 
 
 She was- a professed enemy to flattery, and was 
 
 seldom known to praise or commend; 
 
 But 
 
 The talents in which she principally excelled 
 
 Were difference of opinion and discovering 
 
 flaws and 
 
 Imperfections. 
 
 She was an admirable economist, 
 
 And, without prodigality, 
 
 Dispensed plenty to every person in her family, 
 
 But 
 
 Would sacrifice their eyes to a farthing candle. 
 
 She sometimes made her husband 
 
 Happy with her good qualities, 
 
 But 
 
 Much more frequently miserable with her 
 
 Many failings. 
 
 Insomuch that in thirty years' cohabitation, 
 
 He often lamented that, 
 
 Maugre all her virtues, 
 
 He had not on the whole enjoyed two years 
 
 Of matrimonial comfort. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 607 
 
 At length. 
 Finding she had lost the affection of her hus- 
 band, as well as the regard of her neigh- 
 bors, family disputes having been 
 
 divulged by servants, 
 
 She died of vexation, July 20, 1768, 
 
 Aged 48 years. 
 
 Her worn-out husband survived her four months 
 
 and two days, and departed this life 
 
 November 22, 1768, 
 
 In the 54th year of his age. 
 
 William Bond, brother to the deceased, 
 
 Erected this stone as a 
 
 Weekly monitor to. the wives of this parish, 
 
 That they may avoid the infamy of having 
 
 Their memories handed down to posterity 
 
 With a patchwork character. 
 
 EPITAPH. 
 
 Here lies his form in pi, 
 
 Beneath this bank with briers overgrown j 
 How many cases far unworthier lie 
 
 'Neath some imposing stone I 
 
 No column points our loss, 
 
 No sculptured caps his history declare j 
 Although he lived a follower of the croes, 
 
 And member of the bar. 
 
 The golden rule he prized, 
 
 And left it as a token of his love; 
 And all his deeds, corrected and revised, 
 
 Are registered above. 
 
 The copy of his wrongs, 
 
 The proofs of all his ^n'-ety are there, 
 And the fair title, which to truth belongs, 
 
 Will prove his. title fair. 
 
 Though now, in death's em-brace, 
 
 A mould-er'mg heap our luckless brother lies, 
 He'll re-appear on Gabriel's royal-chase, 
 
 And frisk-it to the skies. 
 
 BREVITY. 
 
 Thorpe's 
 Corpse. 
 
608 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 The epitaph on Dr. Caius, the founder of the college which 
 bears his name, cannot be blamed for prolixity. Dr. Fuller 
 remarks, " few men might have had a longer, none ever had a 
 shorter epitaph." 
 
 Fui Caius 
 (I was Caius) 
 
 ON MR. MAGINNIS. 
 
 Finis 
 Maginnis. 
 
 Camden, in his Remaines, — a collection of fragments illus- 
 trative of the habits, manners and customs of the ancient Britons 
 and Saxons, — gives examples of great men who had little 
 epitaphs. For himself it has been suggested that the name of 
 the work in question would be the most fitting : — 
 
 Camden's Remains. 
 LAUDATORY. 
 
 Following the inscription to the memory of Albert, Prince 
 Consort, on the Cairn at Balmoral, is the following quotation 
 from the Wisdom of Solomon, iv. 13, 14. 
 
 He being made perfect in a short time, 
 
 Fulfilled a long time : 
 
 For his soul pleased the Lord; 
 
 Therefore hasted He to take 
 
 Him away from among the wicked. 
 
 Could he disclose who rests below, 
 The things beyond the grave that lie, 
 We more should learn than now we know, 
 But know no better how to die. 
 
 Dust to its narrow house beneath, 
 
 Soul to its place on high ; 
 They that have seen thy look in death, 
 
 No more may fear to die. 
 
 His youth was innocent — his riper age 
 
 Marked with some act of goodness every day ; 
 
 And watched by eyes that loved him, calm and sage, 
 Faded his late declining years away; 
 
 Cheerful he gave his being up, and went 
 
 To share the holy rest that waits a life well spent. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 609 
 
 EPITAPHIUM CHEMICUM. 
 
 1791. 
 
 Here lieth to digest, macerate, and amalgamate with clay, 
 
 In balneo arenas, 
 
 stratum super stratum, 
 
 The residuum, terra damnata, and caput mortuum 
 
 OF A CHEMIST. 
 
 A man who in his earthly Laboratory 
 
 Pursued various processes to obtain 
 
 The Arcanum Vit^e, 
 
 Or the secret to Live ; 
 
 Also the Aurdm Vit.e, or 
 
 The Art of getting, not making, Gold. 
 
 Alchemist-like, he saw all his labor and projection, 
 
 As mercury in the fire, evaporated in fume. 
 
 When he dissolved to his first principles, 
 
 He departed as poor 
 
 As the last drops of an alembic. 
 
 Though fond of novelty, he carefully avoided 
 
 The fermentation, effervescence, and 
 
 Decrepitation of this life. 
 
 Full seventy years 
 
 His exalted essence 
 
 Was hermetically sealed in its terrene matrass ; 
 
 But the radical moisture being exhausted, 
 
 The Elixir Vitae spent, 
 
 And exsiccated to a cuticle, 
 
 He could not suspend longer in his vehicle : 
 
 But precipitated gradatim, 
 
 Per campanam, 
 
 To his original dust. 
 
 May the light above, 
 
 More resplendent than Bolognian phosphorus, 
 
 Preserve him 
 
 From the athanor, empyreuma, and 
 
 Reverberatory furnace of the other world ; 
 
 Depurate him from the faeces and scoria of this ; 
 
 Highly rectify and volatilize 
 
 His ethereal spirit; 
 
 Bring it safely out of the crucible of earthly trial, 
 
 Place it in a proper recipient 
 
 Among the elect of the Flowers of Benjamin; 
 
 Never to be saturated till the general resuscitation, 
 
 Deflagration, calcination, 
 
 And sublimation of all things. 
 
 20 
 
610 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 MISCELLANEOUS. 
 
 ON SIR JOHN VANBRUGH, THE ARCHITECT. 
 
 Lie heavy on him, earth ; for he 
 
 Laid many heavy loads on thee. — Evans. 
 
 THE ORATOR'S EPITAPH. 
 
 Here, reader, turn your weeping eyes, 
 
 My fate a useful moral teaches j 
 The hole in which my body lies 
 
 Would not contain one-half my speeches. — Brougham. 
 
 IN LYDFORD CHURCHYARD, NEAR DARTMOOR. 
 
 Here lies, in horizontal position, 
 
 the outside Case of 
 
 George Routleigh, Watchmaker ; 
 
 Integrity was the Mainspring, and prudence tha 
 
 Regulator, 
 
 of all the actions of his life. 
 
 Humane, generous, and liberal, 
 
 his Hand never stopped, 
 
 till he had relieved distress. 
 
 So nicely regulated were all his Motions, 
 
 that he never went wrong, 
 
 except when set a-going 
 
 by people 
 
 who did not know his Key : 
 
 Even then he was easily 
 
 set right again. 
 
 He had the art of disposing his time so well, 
 
 that his Hours kept running on 
 
 in a continual round of pleasure, 
 
 till an unlucky Minute put a stop to 
 
 his existence. 
 
 He departed this life Nov. 14, 1802, set. 57, 
 
 in hopes of being taken in hand 
 
 by his Maker; 
 
 and of being thoroughly Cleaned, Repaired, 
 
 Wound up, and Set a-going 
 
 in the world to come. 
 
 AT KITTERY, MAINE. 
 
 I was drowned, alas ! in the deep, deep seasetu 
 The blessed Lord does as he pleases. 
 But my Kittery friends did soon appear, 
 And laid my body right down here. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 611 
 
 ON A SAN FRANCISCO MONEY-LENDER. 
 
 Here lies old thirty-five per cent. : 
 The more he made, the more he lent ; 
 The more he got, the more he craved ; 
 The more he made, the more he shaved J 
 Great God ! can such a soul be saved ? 
 
 ON AN IMPORTUNATE TAILOR. 
 
 Here lies W. W., 
 
 Who never more will trouble you, trouble you. 
 
 IN SOHAM CHURCHYARD, CAMBRIDGESHIRE. 
 
 A.D. 1643, ^Etatis suae 125. 
 
 Here lies Dr. Ward, whom you knew well before; 
 He was kind to his neighbors, good to the poor. 
 
 1 2 3 4 5 6 
 
 To God, to Prince, Wife, kindred, friend, the poor, 
 
 1 2 3 4 5 6 
 
 Religious, loyal, true, kind, stedfast, dear, 
 
 12 3 4 5 6 
 
 In zeal, faith, love, blood, amity, and store, 
 He hath so lived, and so deceased, lies here. 
 
 IN THE CHURCH OP ST. GREGORY, SUDBURT. 
 
 Viator, mirum referam. 
 Quo die efflavit animam Thos. Carter, praedictus, 
 Acus foramen transivit Camelus Sudburiensis. 
 Vade, et si dives sis, tu fac similiter. 
 Vale. 
 (Traveller, I will relate a prodigy. On the day whereon the aforesaid 
 Thos. Carter breathed out his soul, a Sudbury camel passed through the 
 eye of a needle. Go, and if thou art wealthy, do thou likewise. Fare- 
 well. * 
 
 IN LLANBEBLIG, CARNARVONSHIRE. 
 
 Of* such is the Kingdom of Heaven. 
 
 Here lie the remains of Thomas Chambers, 
 
 Dancing Master; 
 
 Whose genteel address and assiduity 
 
 in Teaching 
 
 Recommended him to all that had the 
 
 Pleasure of his acquaintance. 
 
 ON AN INFIDEL. , 
 
 From the Latin. 
 Beneath this stone the mouldering relics lie 
 
 Of one to whom Religion spoke in vain ; 
 He lived as though he never were to die, 
 
 And died as though he ne'er should live again. 
 
612 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE 
 
 PROPOSED BY A FRENCH THEOLOGIAN FOR VOLTAIRE. 
 
 In poesi magnus, 
 In historia parvus, 
 In philosophia minimus, 
 In religione nullus. 
 
 Hume, the classic historian of England, denied the existence 
 of matter, and held that the whole congeries of material things 
 are but impressions and ideas in the mind, distinguishing an 
 impression from an idea by its stronger effect on the thinking 
 faculty. Dr. Beattie sufficiently exposed the absurdity j but 
 his famous essay has nothing more pointed than the witty epi- 
 taph that somebody wrote on the marble shaft that stands oyer 
 the infidel's grave : — 
 
 Beneath this circular idea, vulgarly called tomh, 
 Impressions and ideas rest, which constituted Hume. 
 
 ON TOM PAINE. 
 
 Tom Paine for the Devil is surely a match. 
 
 In leaving old England he cheated Jack Ketch ; 
 
 In France (the first time such a thing had been seen) 
 
 He cheated the watchful and sharp guillotine ; 
 
 And at last, to the sorrow of all the beholders, 
 
 He marched out of life with his head on his shoulders. 
 
 EARTH TO EARTH. 
 
 Few persons have met with the following poem, now nearly 
 four centuries old j but many will recognise in some of the 
 stanzas, particularly the first, four and the last four, the source 
 of familiar monumental inscriptions. The antiquary can refer 
 to many a dilapidated stone on which these quaint old lines 
 can yet be traced. 
 
 Vado mori Rex sum, quid honor quid gloria mundi, 
 
 Est vita mors hominum regia — vado mori. 
 t Vado mori miles victo certamine belli, , 
 
 Mortem non didici vincere vado mori. 
 Vado mori medicus, medicamine non relevandus, 
 
 Quicquid agunt medici respuo vado mori, 
 Vado mori logicus, aliis concludere novi, 
 
 Concludit breviter mors in vado mori. 
 
CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 613 
 
 Earth out of earth is worldly wrought; 
 
 Earth hath gotten upon earth a dignity of nought; 
 
 Earth upon earth has set all his thought, 
 
 How that earth upon earth might be high brought. 
 
 Earth upon earth would be a king, ■ 
 
 But how that earth shall to earth he thinketh no thing; 
 When earth biddeth earth his rents home bring, 
 Then shall earth from earth have a hard parting. 
 
 Earth upon earth winneth castles and towers, 
 Then saith earth unto earth this is all ours ; 
 But when earth upon earth has builded his bowers, 
 Then shall earth upon earth suffer hard showers. 
 
 Earth upon earth hath wealth upon mould ; 
 Earth goeth upon earth glittering all in gold, 
 Like as he unto earth never turn should ; 
 And yet shall earth unto earth sooner than he would. 
 
 Why that earth loveth earth wonder I think, 
 Or why that earth will for earth sweat and swink. 
 For when earth upon earth is brought within the brink, 
 Then shall earth for earth suffer a foul stink. ■ 
 
 As earth upon earth were the worthies nine, 
 
 And as earth upon earth in honor did shine ; 
 
 But earth list not to know how they should incline, 
 
 And their gowns laid in the earth when death hath made his fine. 
 
 As earth upon earth full worthy was Joshua, 
 
 David, and worthy King Judas Maccabee, 
 
 They were but earth none of them three ; 
 
 And so from earth unto earth they left their dignity. 
 
 Alisander was but earth that all the world wan, 
 And Hector upon earth was held a worthy man, 
 And Julius Caesar, that the Empire first began; 
 And now as earth within earth they lie pale and wan. 
 
 Arthur was but earth for all his renown, 
 No more was King Charles nor Godfrey of Boulogne ; 
 But now earth hath turnod their nobleness upside down, 
 And thus earth goeth to earth by short conclusion. 
 
 Whoso reckons also of William Conqueror, 
 King 'Henry the First that was of knighthood flower, 
 Earth hath closed them full straitly in his bower, — 
 80 the end of worthiness, — here is no more succor. 
 52 
 
 
614 CHURCHYARD LITERATURE. 
 
 Now ye that live upon earth, both young and old, 
 Think how ye shall to earth, be ye never so bold j 
 Ye be unsiker, whether it be in heat or cold, 
 Like as your brethren did before, as I have told. 
 
 Now ye folks that be here ye may not long endure, 
 But that ye shall turn to earth I do you ensure ; 
 And if ye list of the truth to see a plain figure, 
 Go to St. Paul's and see the portraiture. 
 
 All is earth and shall to earth as it sheweth there, 
 Therefore ere dreadful death with his dart you dare, 
 And for to turn into earth no man shall it forbear, 
 "Wisely purvey you before, and thereof have no fear. 
 
 Now sith by death we shall all pass, it is to us certain, 
 For of earth we come all, and to the earth shall turn again; 
 Therefore to strive or grudge it were but vain, 
 For all is earth and shall be earth, — nothing more certain. 
 
 Now earth upon earth consider thou may 
 How earth cometh to earth naked alway, 
 Why should earth upon earth go stout alway, 
 Since earth out of earth shall pass in poor array? 
 
 I counsel you upon earth that wickedly have wrought, 
 That earth out of earth to bliss may be brought. 
 
 BYRON'S INSCRIPTION ON THE MONUMENT OF H18 DOG. 
 
 Near this spot 
 
 Are deposited the remains of one 
 
 Who possessed beauty without vanity, 
 
 Strength without insolence, , 
 
 Courage without ferocity, 
 
 And all the virtues of man without his vices. 
 
 This praise, which would be unmeaning flatterj 
 
 If inscribed over human ashes, 
 
 Is but a just tribute to the memory of 
 
 Boatswain, a dog, 
 
 Who was born at Newfoundland, May, 1803, 
 
 And died at Newstead Abbey, Nov. 18, 1808. 
 
INSCRIPTIONS. (J15 
 
 inscriptions 
 
 TAVERN-SIGNS. 
 
 I'm amazed at the signs 
 
 As I pass through the town, 
 
 To see the odd mixture, — 
 
 A magpye and crown, 
 
 The whale and the croio, 
 
 The razor and hen, 
 
 The leg and seven stars, 
 
 The axe and the bottle, 
 
 The tun and the Zute, 
 
 The eagle and cfo7c?, 
 
 The s/toeeZ and boot. — British Apollo, 1710. 
 
 The absurdities which tavern-signs present are often curious 
 enough, but may in general be traced to that inveterate propen- 
 sity which the vulgar of all countries have, to make havoc with 
 every thing in the shape of a proper name. What a magpie 
 could have to do with a crown, or a whale with a crow, or a 
 hen with a razor, it is as difficult to conjecture as to trace the 
 corruption of language in which the connection more probably 
 originated. The sign of the leg and the seven stars was merely 
 an orthographical deviation from the league and seven stars, or 
 seven united provinces ; and the axe and bottle was, doubtless, 
 a transposition of the battle-axe, a most appropriate sign for 
 warlike times. The tun and lute formed suitable emblems 
 enough of the pleasures of wine and music. The eagle and 
 child, too, had meaning, though no application ; but when we 
 come to the shovel and boot, nonsense again triumphs, and it is 
 in vain that we look for any rational explanation of the affinity. 
 
 The Swan-with-two-necks has long been an object of mystery 
 to the curious. This mystery is solved by the alteration of a 
 single letter. The sign, as it originally stood, was the swan 
 with two nicks; the meaning of which we find thus explained 
 in a communication made by the late Sir Joseph Banks to the 
 
616 INSCRIPTIONS. 
 
 Antiquarian Society. Sir Joseph presented to the Society a 
 curious parchment roll, exhibiting the marks, or nicks, made 
 on the beaks of swans and cygnets in all the rivers and lakes 
 in Lincolnshire, accompanied with an account of the privileges 
 of certain persons keeping swans in these waters, and the duties 
 of the king's swanherd in guarding these fowls from depreda- 
 tion and preventing any two persons from adopting the same 
 figures or marks on the bills of their swans. The number of 
 marks contained in the parchment roll amounted to two hun- 
 dred and nineteen, all of which were different and confined to 
 the small extent of the bill of the swan. The outlines were an 
 oblong square, circular at one end, and containing dots, notches, 
 arrows, or suchlike figures, to constitute the difference in each 
 man's swans. Laws were enacted so late as the 12th of Eliza- 
 beth, for the preservation of the swans in Lincolnshire. 
 
 The goat and compasses has been supposed to have its ori- 
 gin in the resemblance between the bounding of a goat and the 
 expansion of a pair of compasses ; but nothing can be more 
 fanciful. The sign is of the days of the Commonwealth, when 
 it was fashionable to give scriptural names to every thing and 
 everybody, and when God-be-praised Barebones preferred 
 drinking his tankard of ale at the God-encompasseth-us to any- 
 where else. The corruption from God-encompasseth-us to goat 
 and compasses is obvious* and natural enough. 
 
 In Richard Flecknoe's Enigmatical Characters, published 
 1665, speaking of the " fanatic reformers/' (the Puritans,) he 
 observes, " As for the signs, they have pretty well begun their 
 reformation already, changing the sign of the salutation of the 
 angel and our lady into the soldier and citizen, and the Kathe- 
 rine Wheel into the cat and wheel; so as there only wants their 
 making the dragon to kill St. George, and the devil to tweak 
 St. Dunstan by the nose, to make the reformation complete. 
 Such ridiculous work they make of their reformation^ and so 
 zealous are they against all mirth and jollity, as they would 
 pluck down the sign of the cat and fiddle too, if it durst but 
 play s) loud as they might hear it." 
 
INSCRIPTIONS. 617 
 
 The cat and fiddle is a a corruption of Caton fidele. 
 
 The bag of nails, at Chelsea, is claimed by the smiths 
 and carpenters of the neighborhood as a house designed for 
 their peculiar accommodation ; but, had it not been for the cor- 
 ruption of the times, it would still have belonged to the bac- 
 chanals, who, in the time of Ben Jonson, used to take a 
 holiday stroll to this delightful village. But the old inscrip- 
 tion satyr and bacchanals is now converted into Satan and bag 
 o'nails. 
 
 The origin of the chequers, which is so common an emblem 
 of public houses, has been the subject of much learned conjec- 
 ture. One writer supposes that they were meant to represent 
 that the game of draughts might be played there ; another has 
 been credibly informed that in the reign of Philip and Mary 
 the then Earl of Arundel had a grant to license public- houses, 
 and, part of the armorial bearings of that noble family being a 
 chequer-board, the publican, to show that he had a license, put 
 out that mark as part of his sign. But, unfortunately for both 
 solutions, unfortunately for the honors of Arundel, Sir W. 
 Hamilton presented, some time ago, to the Society of Anti- 
 quaries, a view of a street in Pompeii, in which we find that 
 shops with the sign of the chequers were common among the 
 Romans ! The real origin of this emblem is still involved in 
 obscurity. The wittiest, though certainly not the most genu- 
 ine, explanation of it was that of the late George Selwyn, who 
 used to wonder that antiquaries should be at any loss to dis- 
 cover why draughts were an appropriate emblem for drinking- 
 houses. 
 
 An annotator on Beloe's Anecdotes of Literature says, "I 
 remember, many years ago, passing through a court in Rose- 
 mary Lane, where I observed an ancient sign over the door of 
 an ale-house, which was called The Four Alls. There was the 
 figure of a king, and on a label, i I rule all ;' the figure of a 
 priest, motto, 1 1 pray for all ;' a soldier, * I fight for all ;' and 
 a yeoman, 'I pay all/ About two years ago I passed 
 through the same thoroughfare, and, looking up for my curious 
 • 62* 
 
618 INSCRIPTIONS. 
 
 sign, I was amazed to see a painted board occupy its place, 
 with these words inscribed : — l The Four Awls.' In White- 
 chapel Road is a public house which has a written sign, ' The 
 Grave Morris.* A painter was commissioned to embody the 
 inscription ; but this painter had not a poet's eye ; he could 
 not body forth the form of things unknown. In his distress 
 he applied to a friend, who presently relieved him, and the 
 painter delineated, as well as he could, ' The Graafe Maurice,' 
 often mentioned in the ' Epistoloz Hoelinse.' " 
 
 The Queer Door is corrupted from Coeur Dore* (Golden 
 Heart) ; the Pig and Whistle, from Peg and Wassail-Bowl ; the 
 Goat in the Golden Boots, from the Dutch Goed in der Gooden 
 Boote (the god — Mercury — in the golden boots). 
 
 Many signs are heraldic and represent armorial bearings. 
 The White Heart was peculiar to Richard II. j the White 
 Swan to Henry IV. and Edward III. ; the Blue Boar to Rich- 
 ard III. ; the Red Dragon to the Tudors ) the Bull, the Falcon, 
 and the Plume of Feathers to Edward IV. ; the Swan and 
 Antelope to Henry V. ; the Greyhound and Green Dragon to 
 Henry VII. ; the Castle, the Spread Eagle, and the Globe 
 were probably adopted from the arms of Spain, Germany, and 
 Portugal, by inns which were the resort of merchants from 
 those countries. Many commemorate historical events ; others 
 derive their names from some eminent and popular man. 
 The Coach and Horses indicated post-houses ; the Fox and 
 Goose denoted the games played within ) the Hare and Hounds, 
 the vicinity of hunting-grounds. In the Middle Ages, a bush 
 was always suspended in front of the door of a wine-shop, 
 — whence the saying, " Good wine needs no bush." Some of 
 the mediaeval signs are still retained, as the Pilgrim, Cross- 
 Keys, Seven Stars, &c. 
 
 The following is a literal copy of the sign of a small public 
 house in the village of Folkesworth, near Stilton, Hants. It 
 contains as much poetry as perhaps the rustic Folkesworth folks 
 are worth ; and doubtless they think it (in the Stilton vernacu 
 lar) " quite the cheese." 
 
INSCRIPTIONS. 619 
 
 [A rude figure of a Fox.] 
 
 I . HAM . A . CUNEN . POX 
 
 You . see . ther . his 
 No . harme . atched 
 9 To . me . it . is . my . Mrs. 
 
 Wish . to . place . me 
 hero . to . let . you . no 
 he . sels . good . beere. 
 
 The Rawlinson of the district has deciphered this inscrip- 
 tion, and conjectures its meaning to be as follows : — 
 
 I am a cunning fox, you see; 
 
 There is no harm attached to me : 
 
 It is my master's wish to place me here, 
 
 To let you know he sells good beer. 
 
 In King Street, Norwich, at the sign of " The Waterman," 
 kept by a man who is a barber and over whose door is the 
 pole, are these lines : — 
 
 Roam not from pole to pole, 
 
 But step in here ,• 
 Where nought exceeds the shaving, 
 
 But — the beer. 
 
 This was originally an impromptu of Dean Swift, written at 
 the request of his favorite barber. 
 
 Over the door of a tippling-house in Frankford, Pa., is this : — 
 
 In this Hive we're all alive ; 
 
 Good liquor makes us funny; 
 If you're dry, step in and try 
 
 The flavor of our honey. 
 
 ON A TAVERN-SIGN NEAR CAMBRIDGE, ENGLAND. 
 
 Rest, traveller, rest ; lo ! Cooper's ready hand 
 Obedient brings " zwei glass" at thy command. 
 Rest, traveller, rest, and banish thoughts of care. 
 Drink to thy friends, and recommend them here. 
 
 PUNISHMENT FOR TREASON. 
 
 Tell them how Edward put to death a citizen, 
 
 Only for saying he would make his son 
 
 Heir to the Crown ; meaning indeed his house, 
 
 Which, by the sign thereof, was termed so0-Eich. III., Act iii. so. 5. 
 
620 INSCRIPTIONS. 
 
 On the sign of " The Baker and the Brewer," in Birmingham, 
 is the following quatrain : — 
 
 The Baker says, " I've the staff of life, 
 
 And you're a silly elf." 
 The Brewer replied, with artful pride, • 
 
 " Why this is life itself." 
 
 At the King's Head Inn, Stutton, near Ipswich, is this ad- 
 dress to wayworn travelers : — 
 
 Good people, stop, and pray walk in ; 
 Here's wine and hrandy, rum and gin; 
 And what is more, good purl and ale 
 Are both sold here by old Nat Dale. 
 
 This tap-room inscription is in a wayside tavern in Northum- 
 berland, England : — 
 
 Here stop and spend a social hour 
 
 In harmless mirth and fun ; 
 Let friendship reign, be just and kind, 
 And evil speak of none. 
 
 At the Red Lion Inn, Hollins Green, an English village, is 
 
 this: — 
 
 Call freely, 
 
 Drink merrily, 
 
 Pay honestly, 
 
 Part quietly. 
 These rules, my friends, will bring no sorrow ', 
 You pay to-day, I'll trust to-morrow. 
 
 In the county of Norfolk, Eng., is this singular inscription: — 
 
 More beer score elerk 
 
 For my my his 
 
 Do trust pay sent 
 
 I I must has 
 
 Shall if I brewer 
 
 What and and my* 
 
 On the sign-board of the Bull Inn at Buckland, near Dover : — 
 The bull is tame, so fear him not, 
 All the while you pajj your shot ; 
 When money's gone, and credit's bad, 
 It's that which makes the bull run mad. 
 
 *Eead from the bottom or*the columns upward, commencing with the right. 
 
INSCRIPTIONS. 621 
 
 At Swainsthorpe, near Norwich, England, is a public-house 
 known as the Dun Cow. Under the portrait of the cow is this 
 couplet : — 
 
 Walk in, gentlemen ; I trust you'll find 
 
 The dun cow's milk is to your mind. 
 
 On the Basingstoke road, near Reading, England: — 
 
 This is the Whitley Grenadier, 
 A noted house for famous beer. 
 My friend, if you should chance to call, 
 Beware and get not drunk withal ; 
 Let moderation be your guide, 
 It answers well whene'er 'tis tried. 
 Then use but not abuse strong beer, 
 And don't forget the Grenadier. 
 
 The author of Tavern Anecdotes records the following:— 
 
 Rhyming Host at Stratford. 
 
 At the Swan Tavern, kept by Lound 
 
 The best accommodation's found — 
 
 Wine, spirits, porter, bottled beer, 
 
 You'll find in high perfection here. 
 
 If, in the garden with your lass, 
 
 You feel inclined to take a glass, 
 
 There tea and coffee, of the best, 
 
 Provided is for every guest ; 
 
 Or, if disposed a pipe to smoke, 
 
 To sing a song, or crack a joke, 
 
 You may repair across the green, 
 
 Where nought is heard, though much is seen; 
 
 Then laugh, and drink, and smoke away, 
 
 And but a moderate reckoning pay. 
 
 BEER-JUG INSCRIPTION. 
 
 Come, my old friend, and take a pot, 
 
 But mark me what I say : 
 Whilst thou drink'st thy neighbor's health, 
 
 Drink not thy own away. 
 
 For it too often is the case, 
 
 Whilst we sit o'er a pot, 
 And while we drink our neighbor's health, 
 
 Our own is quite forgot. 
 
622 INSCRIPTIONS. 
 
 INSCRIPTIONS ON INN WINDOW-PANES. 
 
 SHENSTONE'S, AT HENLEY. 
 
 Whoe'er has travelled life's dull round, 
 Where'er his journeys may have been, 
 
 May sigh to think he still has found 
 His warmest welcome at an inn. 
 
 A gentleman who stopped at an inn at Stockport, in 1634, 
 left this record of his bad reception on a window of the inn : — ■ 
 If, traveller, good treatment be thy care, 
 A comfortable "bed, and wholesome fare, 
 A modest bill, and a diverting host, 
 Neat maid, and ready waiter, — quit this coast. 
 If dirty doings please, at Stockport lie : 
 The girls, frowsy frights, here with their mistress vie. 
 
 Yet Fynes Moryson, in his Itinerary ', thus speaks of English 
 inns in the olden time : — 
 
 As soon as a passenger comes to an inne, the servants run to him, and 
 one takes his horse and walkes him about till he be cool, then rubs him 
 down, and gives him meat; another servant gives the passenger his pri- 
 vate chamber and kindles his fire ; the third pulls off" his boqtes and makes 
 them cleane j then the host and hostess visit him, and if he will eate with 
 the hoste or at a common table with the others, his meale will cost him 
 sixpence, or in some places fourpence ; but if he will eate in his chamber, 
 he commands what meat he will, according to his appetite ; yea, the 
 kitchen is open to him to order the meat to be dressed as he likes beste. 
 After having eaten what he pleases, he may with credit set by a part for 
 next day's breakfast. His bill will then be written for him, and should he 
 objeot to any charge, the host is ready to alter it. 
 
 " Tempora mutantur, et nos mutamur in illis !" 
 
 ON A WINDOW-PANE OF THE HOTEL SANS SOUCI, BADEN-BADEN. 
 
 Venez ici, sans souci. Vous 
 Partirez d'ici sans six sous. 
 
 THREE TRANSLATIONS WHICH FOLLOW. 
 
 You come to this city plumed with felicity, 
 You'll flutter from this city plucked to mendicity. 
 
 With plenty of tin, purse-proud you come in. 
 You'll go a sad ninkum from outgo of income ! 
 
 Not a bit pensive, you come here expensive. 
 Soon you'll go hence with a curse the expense. 
 
INSCRIPTIONS. g23 
 
 INSCRIPTIONS ON BELLS. 
 
 Vivos voco — Mortuos plango — Fulgura frango. 
 I call the living — I raourn the dead — I break the lightning. 
 
 This brief and impressive announcement— the motto of 
 Schiller's ever-memorable Song of the Bell — was common to 
 the church-bells of the Middle Ages, and may still be found on 
 the bell of the great Minster of SchafFhausen, and on that of 
 the church near Lucerne. Another and a usual one, which 
 is, in fact, but an amplification of the first, is this : — 
 
 Funera plango — Fulgura frango — Sabbato pango. 
 
 Excito lentos — Dissipo ventos — Paco cruentos. 
 I mourn at funerals — I break the lightning — I proclaim the Sabbath. 
 I urge the tardy — I disperse the winds — I calm the turbulent. 
 
 The following motto may still be seen on some of the bells 
 that have swung in their steeples for centuries. It will be ob- 
 served to* entitle them to a sixfold efficacy. 
 
 Men's death I tell by doleful knell, 
 Lightning and thunder I break asunder, 
 On Sabbath all to church I call, 
 The sleepy head I raise from bed, 
 The winds so fierce I do disperse, 
 Men's cruel rage I do assuage. 
 
 On the famous alarm-bell called Roland, in the belfry-tower 
 of the once powerful city of Ghent, is engraved the subjoined 
 inscription, in the old Walloon or Flemish dialect : — 
 Mynen naem is Roland; als ik klep is er brand, 
 and als ik luy is er victorie in het land. 
 Anglici. My name is Roland; when I toll there is fire, 
 and when I ring there is victory in the land. 
 
 On others may be found these inscriptions : — 
 
 Deum verum laudo, plebem voco, clerum congrego, 
 
 Lefuncto ploro, pestum fugo, festa decoro. 
 
 I praise the true God, call the people, convene the clergy, 
 
 I mourn for the dead, drive away pestilence, and grace festivals. 
 
 Gaudemus gaudentibus, 
 Dolemus dolentibus. 
 
 Let us rejoice with the joyful, and grieve with the sorrowful. 
 
624 INSCRIPTIONS. 
 
 INSCRIPTIONS ON THE BELLS OP ST. MICHAEL'S, COVENTRY, CAST IN 1774. 
 
 I. 
 
 Although I am both light and small, 
 I will be heard above you all. 
 
 ii. 
 If you have a judicious ear, 
 You'll own my voice is sweet and clear. 
 
 in. 
 Such wondrous power to music's given, 
 It elevates the soul to heaven. 
 
 IV. 
 
 While thus we join in cheerful sound, 
 May love and loyalty abound. 
 
 v. 
 
 To honour both of God and king, 
 Our voices shall in concert sing. 
 
 VI. 
 
 Music is a medicine to the mind. 
 
 VII. 
 
 Ye ringers all, that prize your health and happiness, 
 Be sober, merry, wise, and you'll the same possess. 
 
 VIII. 
 
 Ye people all that hear me ring, 
 Be faithful to your God and king. 
 
 IX. 
 
 In wedlock's bands all ye who join, , 
 
 With hands your hearts unite; 
 So shall our tuneful tongues combine 
 
 To laud the nuptial rite. 
 x. 
 I am and have been called the common bell, 
 To ring, when fire breaks out, to tell. 
 
 There is in the abbey church at Sherborne, in Dorsetshire, a 
 fire-bell confined exclusively to alarms in case of conflagrations. 
 The motto around the rim or carrel runs thus : — 
 
 1652. 
 Lord, quench this furious flame; 
 Arise, run, help, put out the same. 
 
INSCRIPTIONS. 625 
 
 The books of the Koman Catholic faith contain a ritual for 
 the baptism of bells, which decrees that they be named and 
 anointed, — a ceremonial which was supposed to insure them 
 against the machinations of evil spirits. 
 
 On the largest of three bells placed by Edward III. in the 
 Little Sanctuary, Westminster, are these words: — 
 
 King Edward made me thirtie thousand weight and three ; 
 Take me down and wey me, and more you shall find me. 
 
 The Great Tom of Oxford was cast after two failures, April 
 8, 1680, from the metal of an old bell, on which was the fol- 
 lowing curious inscription, whence its name : — 
 
 In Thomae laude resono bim bom sine fraude. 
 
 On a bell in Durham Cathedral is inscribed, — 
 To call the folk to church in time, 
 
 I chime. 
 When mirth and pleasure's on the wing, 
 
 I ring. 
 And when the body leaves the soul, 
 
 I toll. 
 
 On a bell at Lapley, in Staffordshire : — 
 
 I will sound and resound to thee, Lord, 
 To call thy people to thy word. 
 
 On a bell in Meivod Church, Montgomeryshire : — 
 
 I to the church the living call, 
 And to the grave do summon all. 
 
 On Independence bell, Philadelphia, from Lev. xxv. 10 : — 
 Proclaim liberty throughout all the land unto all the inhabitants thereof. 
 In St. Helen's' Church, Worcester, England, is a chime of 
 bells cast in the time of Queen Anne, with names and inscrip- 
 tions commemorative of victories gained during her reign : — 
 
 1. Blenheim. 
 
 First is my note, and Blenheim is my name; 
 For Blenheim's story will be first in fame. 
 
 2. Babcelona. 
 
 Let me relate how Louis did bemoan 
 His grandson Philip's flight from Baroelon. 
 2P 53 
 
(326 INSCRIPTIONS. 
 
 3. Ramillies. 
 
 Deluged in blood, I, Ramillies, advance 
 Britannia's glory on the fall of France. 
 
 4. Menin. 
 
 Let Menin on my sides engraven be ; 
 And Flanders freed from Gallic slavery. 
 
 5. Turin. 
 
 "When in harmonious peal I roundly go, 
 Think on Turin, and triumphs on the Po. 
 
 6. Eugene. 
 
 "With joy I hear illustrious Eugene's name j 
 Fav'rite of fortune and the boast of fame. 
 
 7. Marlborough. 
 
 But I, for pride, the greater Marlborough bear; 
 Terror of tyrants, and the soul of war. 
 
 8. Queen Anne. 
 
 Th' immortal praises of Queen Anne I sound, 
 With union blest, and all these glories crowned. 
 
 The inscriptions are all dated 1706, except that on the 
 seventh, which is dated 1712. 
 
 On one of eight bells in the church tower of Pilton, Devon, 
 is a modern achievement in this kind of literature :— 
 
 Recast by John Taylor and Son, 
 Who the best prize for church bells won 
 At the Great Ex-hi-bi-ti-on 
 In London, 1 — 8 — 5 and 1. 
 
 In St. John's Cathedral, Hong Kong : — 
 
 I will send thee far hence unto the Gentiles. (Acts xxii. 21.) 
 
 At Fotheringay, Northamptonshire : — 
 
 Domini laudem, non verbo sed voce resonabo. 
 
 At Hornby :-~ 
 
 When I do ring, 
 God's praises sing; 
 When I do toll, 
 Pray heart and soul. 
 
INSCRIPTIONS. 627 
 
 At Nottingham : — 
 
 I toll the funeral knell ; 
 
 I hail the festal day j 
 The fleeting hour I tell; 
 
 I summon all to pray. 
 
 At Bolton : — 
 
 My roaring sound doth warning give 
 That men cannot here always live. 
 
 Distich inscribed on a bell at Bergamoz, by Cardinal Or- 
 
 sini, Benedict XIII. : — 
 
 Convoco, signo, noto, compello, concino, ploro, 
 
 Arma, Dies, Horas, Fulgura, Festa, Rogos. 
 
 Similar in form is an inscription on Lindsey Court-house : — 
 
 Haec domus 
 
 Odit amat punit conservat honorat 
 
 I II II 
 
 Nequitiam, pacem, crimina, jura, bonos. 
 
 On the clock of the town hall of Bala, North Wales, is the 
 
 following inscription : — 
 
 Here I stand both day and night, 
 To tell the hours with all my might ; 
 Do thou example take by me, 
 And serve thy God as I serve thee. 
 
 PLY-LEAP INSCRIPTIONS IN BOOKS. 
 
 The following lines, formerly popular among youthful 
 scholars, may still be found in school-books : — 
 This book is mine 
 By right divine ; 
 And if it go astray, 
 I'll call you kind 
 My desk to find 
 And put it safe away. 
 
 This book is mine,— that you may know, 
 By letters two I will you show : 
 The first is J, a letter bright ; 
 The next is S in all men's sight. 
 But if you still my name should miss, 
 Look underneath, and heVe it is : — 
 John Smith. 
 
628 INSCRIPTIONS. 
 
 Whoe'er this book, if lost, doth find, 
 I hope will have a generous mind, 
 And bring it to the owner, — me, 
 Whose name they'll see page fifty-three. 
 
 The curious warning subjoined — paradoxical in view of the 
 improbability of any honest friend pilfering — has descended 
 to our times from the days of black-letter printing : — 
 
 Steal not this book, my honest friend, 
 For fear the gallows be your end ; 
 For if you do, the Lord will say, 
 Where is that book you stole away ? 
 
 Another often met with is this : — 
 Hie liber est meus, 
 Testis et est Deus ; 
 Si quis mo quaerit, 
 Hie nomen erit. 
 
 The two following admonitions are full of salutary advice tc 
 book-borrowers: — 
 
 Neither blemish this book, or the leaves double down, 
 Nor lend it to each idle friend in the town ; 
 Return it when read ; or, if lost, please supply 
 Another as good to the mind and the eye. 
 With right and with reason you need but be friends, 
 And each book in my study your pleasure attends. 
 
 If thou art borrowed by a friend, 
 
 Right welcome shall he be, 
 To read, to study, not to lend, 
 
 But to return to me. 
 
 Not that imparted knowledge doth 
 
 Diminish learning's store ; 
 But books, I find, if often lent, 
 Return to me no more. 
 ^g^-Read slowly, pause frequently, think seriously, keep clean, RETURN 
 DULY, with the corners of the leaves not turned down. 
 
 Of the warning and menacing kind are the following : — 
 
 This book is one thing, 
 
 My fist is another; 
 Touch tlfis one thing, 
 
 You'll sure feel the other. 
 
INSCRIPTIONS. 629 
 
 Si quiaquia furetur 
 
 This little libellum, 
 Per Bacchum per Jovem ! 
 
 Til kill him, I'll fell him, 
 In ventum illiua 
 
 I'll stick my acalpellum, 
 And teach him to steal 
 
 My little libellum. 
 
 Ne me prend pas ; 
 On te pendra. 
 
 Gideon Snooks, 
 
 Ejus liber. 
 Si quis furetur ', 
 Per collum pendetur, 
 Similis huic pauperi animali. 
 
 Here follows a figure of an unfortunate individual suspended 
 " in malaui crucem." 
 
 Small is. the wren, 
 Black is the rook; 
 
 Great is the sinner 
 That steals this book. 
 This is Thomas Jones's book — 
 You may just within it look ; 
 But you'd better not do more, 
 For the Devil's at the door, 
 And will snatch at fingering hands ; 
 Look behind you — there he stands ! 
 
 The following macaronic is taken from a copy of the Com- 
 panion to the Festivals and Fasts, 1717 : 
 
 To the Borrower of thia Book. 
 Hie Liber est meus, 
 Deny it who can, 
 Samuel Showell, Jr., 
 An honest man. 
 
 In vico corvino [locale appended] 
 I am to be found, 
 Si non mortuus sum, 
 And laid in the ground. 
 At si non vivens, 
 You will find an heir 
 Qui librum recipiet; 
 You need not to fear. 
 53* 
 
630 INSCRIPTIONS. 
 
 Ergo cum lectus est 
 
 Restore it, and then 
 
 Ut quando mutuaris 
 
 I may lend again. 
 
 At si detineas, 
 
 So let it be lost, 
 
 Expectabo Argentum, 
 
 As much as it cost (viz. : 5».) 
 
 To the Finder. 
 ' If I this lose, and you it find, 
 Restore it me, be not unkind ; 
 For if not so, you're much to blame, 
 While as below you see my name. — [Name appended.] 
 
 Taken from an old copy-book : 
 
 All you, my friends, who now expect to see 
 A piece of writing, here performed by me, 
 Cast but a smile on this my mean endeavor, 
 I'll strive to mend, and be obedient ever. 
 
 On the fly-leaf of a Bible may sometimes be seen : 
 Could we with ink the ocean fill, 
 .Were every stalk on earth a quill, 
 And were the skies of parchment made, 
 And every man a scribe by trade, 
 To tell the love of God alone 
 
 Would drain the ocean dry ; 
 Nor could the scroll contain the whole, 
 
 Though stretched from sky to sky. 
 
 The two following are very common in village schools : — 
 
 This is Giles Wilkinson, his book; 
 
 God give him grace therein to look ; 
 
 Nor yet to look, but understand 
 
 That learning's better than house and land; 
 
 For when both house and land are spent, 
 
 Then learning is most excellent. 
 
 John Smith is my name, 
 
 England is my nation, 
 London is my dwelling-place, 
 
 And Christ is my salvation, 
 jid when I'm dead and in the grave, 
 
 And all my bones are rotten, 
 When this you see, remember me, 
 
 Though I am long forgotten. 
 
INSCRIPTIONS. 631 
 
 This pretty presentation-verse is sometimes met with : — 
 
 Take it, — 'tis a gift of love 
 
 That seeks thy good alone j 
 Keep it for the giver's sake, 
 
 And read it for thy own. 
 
 The early conductors of the press were in the habit of affix- 
 ing to the end of the volumes they printed some device or 
 couplet concerning the book, with the names of the printer and 
 proof-reader added. The following example is from Andrew 
 Bocard's edition of The Pragmatic Sanction, Paris, 1507 : — 
 
 Stet liber, hie donee fluctus formica marinos 
 Ebibat ; et totum testudo perambulet orbem 
 (May this volume continue in motion, 
 
 And its pages each day be unfurled J 
 Till an ant to the dregs drink the ocean, 
 
 Or a tortoise has crawled round the world.) 
 
 On the title-page of a book called Gentlemen, Look about Tou f 
 is the following curious request : — 
 
 Read this over if you're wise, 
 If you're not, then read it twice : 
 If a fool, and in the gall 
 Of bitterness, read not at all. 
 
 MOTTO ON A CLOCK. 
 
 Quae lenta accedit, quam velox prseterit hora! 
 Ut capias, patiens esto, sed esto vigil ! 
 Slow comes the hour : its passing speed how great : 
 Waiting to seize it, — vigilantly wait I 
 
 WATCH-PAPER INSCRIPTION. 
 
 Onward perpetually moving, 
 
 These faithful hands are ever proving 
 
 How quick the hours fly by ; 
 This monitory, pulse-like beating 
 Seems constantly, methinks, repeating, 
 
 Swift ! swift ! the moments fly. 
 Reader, be ready, — for perhaps before 
 These hands have made ono revolution more, 
 
 Life's spring is snapt, — you die I 
 
632 INSCRIPTIONS. 
 
 Here, reader, see in youth, in age, or prime, 
 The stealing steps of never-standing Time: 
 With wisdom mark the moment as it flies ; 
 Think what a moment is to him who dies. 
 
 Little monitor, impart 
 Some instruction to the heart; 
 Show the busy and the gay 
 Life is hasting swift away. 
 Follies cannot long endure, 
 Life is short and death is sure. 
 Happy those who wisely learn 
 Truth from error to discern. 
 
 Could but our tempers more like this machine, 
 Not urged by passion, nor delayed by spleen, 
 And true to Nature's regulating power, 
 By virtuous acts distinguish every hour ; 
 Then health and joy would follow as they ought 
 The laws of motion, and the laws of thought ; 
 Sweet health to pass the present moment o'er, 
 And everlasting joy when time shall be no more. 
 
 SUN-DIAL INSCRIPTIONS. 
 
 Sine sole sileo. 
 
 (Without sunlight I give no information.) 
 
 Scis horas ; nescis horam. 
 
 (You know the hours; you know not the hour [of death].) 
 
 Afflictis lentae, celeres gaudentibus horse. 
 
 (The hours pass slowly for the afflicted, rapidly for the joyous.) 
 
 Vado e vegno giorno ; 
 
 Ma tu andrai senza ritorno. 
 
 (I go and come every day; 
 
 But thou shalt go without return.) 
 
 May the dread book at our last trial, 
 When open spread, be like this dial; 
 May Heaven forbear to mark therein 
 The hours made dark by deeds of sin; 
 Those only in that record write 
 Which virtue like the sun makes bright. 
 
 If o'er the dial glides a shade, redeem 
 The time, for lo ! it passes like a dream ; 
 But if 'tis all a blank, then mark the loss 
 Of hours unblest by shadows from the cross. 
 
INSCRIPTIONS. 633 
 
 INSCRIPTION OVER A SPRING. 
 
 Whoe'er thou art that stays'st to quaff 
 
 The streams that here from waters dim 
 Arise to fill thy cup and laugh 
 
 In sparkling beads about the brim, 
 In all thy thoughts and words as pure 
 
 As these sweet waters mayst thou be ; 
 To all thy friends as firm and sure, 
 
 As prompt in all thy charity. 
 
 INSCRIPTIONS ON AN AEOLIAN HARP. 
 
 AT THE ENDS. 
 
 Fingent iEolio carmine nobilem. (Hor. iv. 3.) 
 Partem aliquam, oh venti, divum referatis ad aures. (Virg. Buc. 3.) 
 
 ON THE SIDE. 
 
 Hail, heavenly harp, where Memnon's skill is shown, 
 
 That charm'st the ear with music all thy own ! 
 
 Which, though untouched, canst rapturous strains impart. 
 
 Oh, rich of genuine nature, free from art! 
 
 Such the wild warblings of the chirping throng, 
 
 So simply sweet the untaught virgin's song. 
 
 Mr. Longfellow's admirers will remember his beautiful lit- 
 tle poem commencing : — 
 
 I like that ancient Saxon phrase which calls 
 The burial-ground God's acre. 
 
 This " Saxon phrase " is not obsolete. It may be seen, for 
 instance, inscribed over the entrance to a modern cemetery at 
 Basle— ®ottt$ fCcfet* 
 
 Over a gateway near the church of San Eusebio, Home : — 
 
 Tria sunt mirabilia ; 
 Trinus et unus, 
 Deus et homo, 
 Virgo et mater. 
 
 Over the door of the house in which Selden was born, Sal- 
 vington, Sussex: — 
 
 Gratus, honesti, mihi; non claudar, inito sedeq'. 
 Fur, abeas j non su' facta soluta tibi. 
 
 Thus paraphrased : — 
 
 Thou'rt welcome, honest friend ; walk in, make free j 
 Thief, get thee gone ; my doors are closed to thee. 
 
634 INSCRIPTIONS. 
 
 HOUSE INSCRIPTIONS. 
 
 On the Town-house Wittenberg : — 
 
 Ist's Gottes Werk, so wird's bestehen ; 
 Ist's Menschens, so wird's untergehen. 
 (If God's work, it will aye endure; 
 If man's, 'tis not a moment sure.) 
 
 Over the gate of a Casino, near Maddaloni: — 
 
 AMICIS — 
 
 Et ne paucis pateat, 
 Etiam fictis. 
 
 (My gate stands open for my friends ; 
 
 But lest of these too few appear, 
 Let him who to the name pretends 
 
 Approach and find a welcome here.) 
 
 On a west-of-England mansion : — 
 
 Welcome to all through this wide-opening gate; 
 None come too early, none depart too late. 
 
 Fuller {Holy and Profane State) and Walton {Life of 
 George Herbert) notice a verse engraved upon a mantel-piece 
 in the Parsonage House built by George Herbert at his own 
 expense. The faithful minister thus counsels his successor : — 
 
 If thou dost find 
 
 A house built to thy mind, 
 
 Without thy cost, 
 Serve thou the more 
 God and the poor : 
 
 My labor is not lost. 
 
 The following is emblazoned around the banqueting hall of 
 Bulwer's ancestral home, Knebworth : — 
 
 Read the Rede of the Old Roof Tree. 
 Here be trust fast. Opinion free. 
 Knightly Right Hand. Christian knee. 
 Worth in all. Wit in some. 
 Laughter open. Slander dumb. 
 Hearth where rooted Friendships grow, 
 Safe as Altar even to Foe. 
 And the sparks that upwards go 
 When the hearth flame dies below, 
 If thy sap in them may be, 
 Fear no winter, Old Roof Tree. 
 
INSCRIPTIONS. 635 
 
 On a pane of glass in an old window in the coffee-room of 
 the White Lion, Chester, England : — 
 
 Right fit a place is window glass 
 To write the name of bonny lass ; 
 And if the reason you should speir, 
 Why both alike are brittle geir, 
 A wee thing dings a lozen lame — 
 A wee thing spoils a maiden's fame. 
 
 Tourist's wit on a window pane at Lodore : — 
 When I see a man's name 
 
 Scratched upon the glass, 
 I know he owns a diamond, 
 And his father owns an ass. 
 
 On a pane of the Hotel des Pays-Bas, Spa, Belgium:— 
 
 1793. 
 I love but one, and only one ; 
 
 Oh, Damon, thou art he. 
 Love thou but one and only one, 
 And let that one be me. 
 t 
 
 MEMORIALS. 
 
 An English gentleman, who, in 1715, spent some time in 
 prison, left the following memorial on the windows of his cell. 
 On one pane of glass he wrote: — 
 
 That which the world miscalls a jail, 
 
 A private closet is to me; 
 Whilst a good conscience is my bail, 
 
 And innocence my liberty. • 
 
 On another square he wrote, Mutare vel timere sperno, and 
 on a third pane, sed victa Catoni* 
 
 A Mr. Barton, on retiring with a fortune made in the wool- 
 trade, built a fair stone house at Holme, in Nottinghamshire, 
 in the window of which was the following couplet, — an humble 
 acknowledgment of the means whereby he had acquired his 
 estate : — 
 
 I thank God, and ever shall ; 
 
 It is the sheep hath paid for all. 
 
 ♦Lucan's Pharsalia. (Lib. 1.) 
 
636 inscriptions. 
 
 francke's encouraging discovery. 
 It is said that when Francke was engaged in the great work 
 of erecting his world-known Orphan-House at Halle, for the 
 means of which he looked to the Lord in importunate prayer 
 from day to day, an apparently accidental circumstance made 
 an abiding impression on him and those about him. "A work- 
 man, in digging a part of the foundation, found a small silver 
 coin, with the following inscription : — 
 
 " Jehova, Conditor, Condita Coronide Coronet." 
 (May Jehovah, the builder, finish the building.) 
 
 GOLDEN MOTTOES. 
 A vain man's motto, — Win gold and wear it. 
 A generous man's motto, — Win gold and share it. 
 A miser's motto, — Win gold and spare it. 
 
 A profligate's motto,— Win gold and spend it. 
 A broker's motto, — Win gold and lend it. 
 
 A fool's motto,— Win gold and end it. 
 
 A gambler's motto, — Win gold and lose it. 
 
 A sailor's motto,— Win gold and cruise it. ^ 
 
 A wise man's motto, — Win gold and use it. 
 
 POSIES PROM WEDDING-RINGS. 
 Portia. A quarrel, ho, already ! What's the matter? 
 Gratiano. About a hoop of gold, a paltry ring 
 That she did give me : whose posy was 
 For all the world like cutler's poetry" 
 Upon a knife:* Love me, and leave me not. — 
 
 Merchant of Venice, Act V. 
 Hamlet. Is this a prologue, or the posy of a ring ? — 
 Hamlet, Act III. sc. 2. 
 Jacques. You are full of pretty answers : have you not been 
 acquainted with goldsmiths' wives, and conned them out of rings?— 
 As You Like It, Act III. sc. 2. 
 
 The following posies were transcribed by an indefatigable 
 collector, from old wedding-rings, chiefly of the seventeenth 
 and eighteenth centuries. Tho orthography is, in most cases, 
 altered : — 
 
 * Knives were formerly inscribed, by means of aqua-fortis, with short sen- 
 tences in distich. 
 
INSCRIPTIONS. 637 
 
 
 Death never parts 
 
 Joy day and night 
 
 
 Such loving hearts. 
 
 Be our delight. 
 
 
 Love and respect 
 
 Divinely knit by Grace are we ; 
 
 
 I do expect. 
 
 Late two, now one j the pledge here 
 see. 1657. 
 
 
 No gift can show 
 
 Endless my love 
 
 
 The love I owe. 
 
 As this shall prove. 
 
 
 Let him never take a wife 
 
 Avoid all strife 
 
 
 That will not love her as his life. 
 
 'Twixt man and wife. 
 
 
 In loving thee 
 
 Joyful love 
 
 
 I love myself. 
 
 This ring doth prove. 
 
 
 A heart content 
 
 In thee, dear wife, 
 
 
 Can ne'er repent. 
 
 I find new life. 
 
 
 In God and thee 
 
 Of rapturous joy t 
 
 
 Shall my joy he. 
 
 I am the toy. 
 
 
 Love thy chaste wife 
 
 In thee I prove 
 
 
 Beyond thy life. 1681. 
 
 The joy of love. 
 
 
 Love and pray 
 
 In loving wife 
 
 
 Night and day. 
 
 Spend all thy life. 1697- 
 
 
 Great joy in thee 
 
 In love abide 
 
 
 Continually. 
 
 Till death divide. 
 
 
 My fond delight 
 
 In unity . 
 
 
 By day and night. 
 
 Let's live and die. 
 
 
 Pray to love ; 
 
 Happy in thee 
 
 
 Love to pray. 1647. 
 
 Hath God made me. 
 
 
 In thee, my choice, 
 
 Silence ends strife 
 
 
 I do rejoice. 1677. 
 
 With man and wife. 
 
 
 Body and mind 
 
 None can prevent 
 
 
 In thee I find. 
 
 The Lord's intent. 
 
 
 Dear wife, thy rod 
 
 God did decree 
 
 
 Doth lead to God. 
 
 Our unity. 
 
 
 God alone 
 
 I kiss the rod 
 
 
 Made us two one. 
 
 From thee and God, 
 
 
 Eternally 
 
 In love and joy 
 
 
 My love shall be. 
 
 Be our employ. 
 
 
 All I refuse, 
 
 Live and love j 
 
 
 And thee I choose. • 
 
 Love and live. 
 
 
 Worship is due 
 
 God above 
 
 
 To God and you. 
 
 Continue our love. 
 
 
 Love and live happy. 1689. 
 
 True love will ne'er forget. 
 54 
 
 
638 
 
 INSCRIPTIONS. 
 
 Faithful ever, 
 
 I will be yours 
 
 Deceitful never. 
 
 While breath endures. 
 
 As gold is pure, 
 
 Love is sure 
 
 So love is sure. 
 
 Where faith is pure. 
 
 Love, I like thee, 
 
 Thy friend am I, 
 
 Sweet, requite me. 
 
 An so will die. 
 
 God sent her me, 
 
 God's appointment 
 
 My wife to be. 
 
 Is my contentment. 
 
 Live and die 
 
 Knit in one 
 
 In constancy. 
 
 By Christ alone. 
 
 My beloved is mine, 
 
 My dearest Betty 
 
 And I am hers. 
 
 Is good and pretty. 
 
 Within my breast 
 
 Sweetheart, I pray 
 
 Thy heart doth rest. 
 
 Do not say nay. 
 
 God above 
 
 Parting is pain 
 
 Increase our love. 
 
 While love doth remain. 
 
 Be true to me 
 
 Hurt not that heart 
 
 That gives it thee. 
 
 Whose joy thou art. 
 
 Both heart and hand 
 
 Thine eyes so bright 
 
 At your command. 
 
 Are my delight. 
 
 My heart you have, 
 
 Take hand and heart, 
 
 And yours I crave. , 
 
 I'll ne'er depart. 
 
 Christ and thee 
 
 If you consent, 
 
 My comfort be. 
 
 You'll not repent. 
 
 As God decreed, 
 
 'Tis in your will 
 
 So we agreed. 
 
 To save or kill. 
 
 No force can move 
 
 As long as life, 
 
 Affixed love. 
 
 Your loving wife. 
 
 For a kiss 
 
 If you deny, 
 
 Take this. 
 
 Then sure I die. 
 
 The want of thee 
 
 Thy friend am I, 
 
 Is grief to me. 
 
 And so will die. 
 
 I fancy none 
 
 Let me in thee 
 
 But thee alone. 
 
 Most happy be. 
 
 One word for all, 
 
 God hath sent 
 
 I love and shall. 
 
 My heart's content. 
 
 Your sight, 
 
 You and I 
 
 My delight. 
 
 Will lovers die. 
 
 God's blessing be 
 
 Thy consent 
 
 On thee and me. 
 
 Is my content. 
 
INSCRIPTIONS. 639 
 
 I wish to thee This ring doth bind 
 
 All joy may be. Body and mind. 
 
 In thee my love Endless as this 
 
 All joy I prove. Shall be our bliss. — Thos. Bliss. 1719. 
 
 Beyond this life I do rejoice 
 
 Lcve me, dear wife. In thee my choice. 
 
 Love and joy Love him in heart, 
 
 Can never cloy. Whose joy thou art. 
 
 The pledge I prove I change the life 
 
 Of mutual love. Of maid to wife. 
 
 I love the rod Endless my love 
 
 And thee and God. For thee shall prove. 
 
 Desire, like fire, Not Two, but One. 
 
 Doth still inspire. Till life be gone. 
 
 My heart and I, Numbers, vi. 24, 25, 26. 
 
 Until I die. 
 
 In its circular continuity, the ring was accepted as a type of 
 eternity, and, hence, the stability of affection. 
 
 Constancy and Heaven are round, This is love, and worth commending, 
 And in this the Emblem's' found. Still beginning, never ending. 
 
 Or, as Herrick says, — « 
 
 And as this round 
 Is nowhere found 
 
 To flaw or else to sever, 
 So let our love 
 As endless r. rove, 
 
 And pure as gold forever. 
 
 LADY KATHERINE GREY's WEDDING-RING. 
 
 The ring received by this excellent woman, who was a sister 
 of Lady Jane Grey, from her husband, the Earl of Hertford, 
 at their marriage, consisted of five golden links, the four inner 
 ones bearing the following lines, of the earl's composition : — 
 
 As circles five by art compact shewe but one ring in sight, 
 So trust uniteth faithfull mindes with knott of secret might, 
 Whose force to breake but greedie Death noe wight possesseth power, 
 As time and sequels well shall prove. My ringe can say no more. 
 
640 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 parallel ^asssages, 
 
 AND ACCIDENTAL 
 COINCIDENCES. 
 
 Pretensions to originality are ludicrous. — Byron's Letters. 
 
 An apple cleft in two is not more twin 
 
 Than these two creatures. — Twelfth Night, V. 1. 
 Milton " borrowed" other poets' thoughts, but he did not borrow as gipsies 
 borroio children, spoiling their features that they may not be recognized. No 
 he returned them improved. Had he " borrowed" your coat, he would have 
 restored it with a new nap upon it ! — Leigh Hunt. 
 
 Man wants but little here below, 
 Nor wants that little long. — Goldsmith: Hermit. 
 Evidently stolen from Dr. Young : — 
 
 Man wants but little, nor that little long. — Night Thoughts. 
 Be wise to-day ; 'tis madness to defer. — N}ght Thoughts. 
 
 But Congreve had said, not long before, — 
 
 Defer not till to-morrow to be wise ,• 
 
 To-morrow's sun to thee may never rise. — Letter to Cobham. 
 
 Like angels' visits, few and far between. — Campbell : Pleasures of Hope. 
 
 Copied from Blair : — 
 
 like an ill-used ghost, 
 
 Not to return ; — or if it did, its visits, 
 Like those of angels, short and far between.— Grave. 
 But this pretty conceit originated with Norris, of Bemer- 
 ton, (died 1711,) in a religious poem : — 
 
 But those who soonest take their flight 
 Are the most exquisite and strong : 
 
 Like angels' visits, short and bright, 
 Mortality's too weak to bear them long. — The Parting. 
 
 Dear as the light that visits these sad eyes, 
 Dear as the ruddy drops thai warm my heart. — Gray's Bard. 
 GrRAY himself points out the imitation in Shakspeare : — 
 You are my true and honorable wife ; 
 As dear to me as are the ruddy drops 
 That visit my sad heart. — Julius Cvesar, Act II. Sc. 1. 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 641 
 
 Otway also makes Priuli exclaim to his daughter- 
 Dear as the vital warmth that feeds my life, 
 Dear as these eyes that weep in fondness o'er thee. — Venice Presened. 
 
 And leave us leisure to be good. — Gray : Ode to Adversity. 
 And know, I have not yet the leisure to be good. — Oldham. 
 
 Thou tamer of the human breast, 
 
 Whose iron scourge and torturing hour 
 
 The bad affright, afflict the best. — Gray : Ode to Adversity. 
 
 When the scourge 
 Inexorably, and the torturing hour, 
 Calls us to penance. — Milton : Paradise Lost. 
 
 Lo, where the rosy-bosomed hours, 
 
 Fair Venus' train, appear ! — Gray : Ode to Spring. 
 
 The graces and the rosy-bosomed hours 
 
 Thither all their bounties bring. — Milton : Comus. 
 
 En hio in roseis latet papillis. — Catullus. 
 
 Full many a gem, of purest ray serene, 
 
 The dark, unfathomed caves of ocean bear; 
 Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, 
 
 And waste its sweetness on the desert air.— Gray : Elegy. 
 There kept my charms concealed from mortal eye, 
 Like roses that in deserts bloom and die. — Pope : Rape of the Lock. 
 In distant wilds, by human eye unseen, 
 She rears her flowers and spreads her velvet green ; 
 Pure gurgling rills the lonely desert trace, 
 And waste their music on the savage race. — Young. 
 And, like the desert's lily, bloom to fade. — Shenstone : Elegy IV. 
 
 Nor waste their sweetness on the desert air. — Churchill, Gotham. 
 Which else had wasted in the desert air. 
 
 Lloyd : Ode at Westminster School 
 
 And leaves the world to darkness and to me. — Gray : Elegy. 
 
 And left the world to wretchedness and me. — Muss : Beggar's Petition. 
 
 The swallow oft beneath my thatch 
 
 Shall twitter from her clay-built nest, <fcc. — The Wish. 
 
 Doubtless suggested to Rogers by the lines in Gray's 
 Elegy : — 
 
 The breezy call of incense-breathing morn, 
 
 The swallow twittering from her straw-built shed, Ac. 
 
 The bloom of young desire and purple light of love. — Gray. 
 Lumenque juventse purpureum. — Virgil. JEn. I. 590. 
 2Q 54* 
 
642 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 And quaff the pendent vintage as it grows. 
 
 Gray: Alliance of Education and Government. 
 
 For this expression Gray was indebted to Virgil : — 
 
 Non eadem arboribus pendet vindemia nostris, &c. — Georg. it. 89. 
 
 The attic warbler pours her throat. — Gray : Ode to Spring. 
 
 Is it for thee the linnet pours her throat ? — Pope : Essay on Man, 
 
 Gray says concerning the blindness of Milton, — - 
 He passed the flaming bounds of space and time : 
 The living throne, the sapphire blaze, 
 Where angels tremble while they gaze, 
 He saw; but, blasted with excess of light, 
 Closed his eyes in endless night. 
 
 (Dr. Johnson remarks that if we suppose the blindness 
 caused by study in the formation of his poem, this account is 
 poetically true and happily imagined.) 
 
 Hermias, a Gralatian writer of the second century, says of 
 Homer's blindness, — 
 
 When Homer resolved to write of Achilles, he had an exceeding desire to 
 fill his mind with a just idea of so glorious a hero : wherefore, having paid 
 all due honors at his tomb, he entreats that he may obtain a sight of him. 
 The hero grants his poet's petition, and rises in a glorious suit of armor, 
 which cast so insufferable a splendor that Homer lost his eyes while he 
 gazed for the enlargement of his notions. 
 
 (Pope says if this be any thing more than mere fable, one 
 would be apt to imagine it insinuated his contracting a blind- 
 ness by too intense application while he wrote the Iliad.) 
 
 Hume's sarcastic fling at the clergy in a note to the first 
 volume of his history is not original. He says, — 
 
 The ambition of the clergy can often be satisfied only by promoting igno- 
 rance, and superstition, and implicit faith, and pious frauds; and having got 
 what Archimedes only wanted, — another world on which he could fix his en- 
 gine, — no wonder they move this world at their pleasure. 
 
 In Dryden's Don Sebastian, Dorax thus addresses the 
 Mufti :— 
 
 Content you with monopolizing Heaven, 
 And let this little hanging ball alone ; 
 For, give you but a foot of conscience there, 
 And you, like Archimedes, toss the globe. 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 643 
 
 Dryden says of the Earl of Shaftesbury,—- 
 David for him his tuneful harp had strung, 
 And Heaven had wanted one immortal song.— Absalom and Aohitophel. 
 
 Pope adopts similar language in addressing his friend Dr. 
 Arbuthnot : — 
 
 Friend of my life ! which did not you prolong, 
 The world had wanted many an idle song. 
 
 For truth has such a face and such a mien, 
 As to be loved needs only to be seen. — Dryden. 
 Vice is a monster of such hideous mien, 
 As to be hated needs but to be seen. — P*>pe. 
 
 Great wits to madness nearly are allied.— Dryden : Aba. and Acht. 
 
 Seneca said, eighteen centuries ago, — 
 
 Nullum magnum ingenium absque misturadementiseest: — Be Tranquil.; 
 
 and Aristotle had said it before him {Prohlemata). 
 
 Praise undeserved is satire in disguise.— Pope : Imit. Horace. 
 
 Sir Walter Scott says in his Woodstock, — in the scene 
 where Alice Lee, in the presence of Charles II. under the as- 
 sumed name of Louis Kerneguy, describes the character she 
 supposes the king to have : — 
 
 Kerneguy and his supposed patron felt embarrassed, perhaps from a con- 
 sciousness that the real Charles fell far short of his ideal character as de- 
 signed in such glowing colors. In some cases exaggerated or inappropriate 
 praise becomes the most severe satire. 
 
 Ye little stars, hide your diminished rays. — Pope : Epistle to Bathurst. 
 At whose sight all the stars 
 Hide their diminished heads. — Milton. 
 
 Laugh where we must, be candid where we can, 
 
 But vindicate the ways of God to man. — Pope : Essay on Man. 
 
 And justify the ways of God to man. — Milton : Paradise Lost. 
 
 On Butler who can think without just rage, 
 
 The glory and the scandal of the age? — Oldham: Satire against Poetry. 
 
 Probably borrowed by Pope in the following lines : — 
 At length Erasmus, that great injured name, 
 The glory of the priesthood and the shame. — Essay on Criticism, 
 
644 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 And more true joy Marcellus, exiled, feels, 
 
 Than Caesar with a senate at his heels. — Pope : Essay on Man. 
 
 Drawn from Bolingbroke, who plagiarized the idea- from 
 Seneca, who says, — 
 
 O Marcellus, happier when Brutus approved thy exile than when the com- 
 monwealth approved thy consulship. 
 
 For modes of faith let graceless zealots fight : 
 
 He can't be wrong whose life is in the right. — Pope : Essay on Man. 
 
 Taken from Cowley : — 
 
 His faith perhaps in some nice tenets might 
 Be wrong: his life, I'm sure, was in the right. 
 
 Is it, in heave», a crime to love too well ? — Pope : Elegy. 
 Imitated from Crashawe's couplet: — 
 
 And I, — what is my crime ? I cannot tell, 
 Unless it be a crime to have loved too well. 
 Lamartine, in his Jocelyn, has the same expression : — 
 Est-ce un crime, mon Dieu, de trop aimer le beau ? 
 
 A wit with dunces, and a dunce with wits. — Dunciad. 
 
 This smart piece of antithesis Pope borrowed from QuiNC- 
 TILIAN, who says, — 
 
 Qui stultis eruditi videri volunt ) eruditi stulti videntur. 
 
 Dr. Johnson also hurled this missile at Lord Chesterfield, 
 calling him " A lord among wits, and a wit among lords." 
 The earl had offended the rugged lexicographer, whose barba- 
 rous manners in company Chesterfield holds up, in his Letters 
 to his son, as things to be avoided. 
 
 Fair tresses man's imperial race ensnare, 
 
 And beauty draws us with a single hair. — Pope : Rape of the Loch. 
 
 This has a strong affinity with a passage in Howell's 
 Letters : — 
 
 'Tis a powerful sex : they were too strong for the first, for the strongest, 
 and for the wisest man that was : they must needs be strong, when one hair 
 of a woman can draw more than a hundred pair of oxen. 
 
 Princes and lords may flourish or may fade ; 
 
 A breath can make them, as a breath has made. — Goldsmith : Deserted Vil. 
 Probably from De Caux, an old French poet, who says, — 
 
 ■ C'est un verre qui luit, 
 
 Qu'un souffle peut dStruire, et qu'un souffle a produit 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 645 
 
 Kings are like stars, — they rise and set, — they have 
 
 The worship of the world, but no repose. — Shelley: Hellas. 
 
 Stolen from Lord Bacon : — 
 
 Princes are like to heavenly bodies, which cause good or evil times, 
 and which have much veneration, but no rest. — Of Empire. 
 
 Burke, in speaking of the morals of France prior to the 
 Revolution, says, — 
 
 Vice itself lost half its evil by losing all its grossness. 
 This statement — the falsity of which is apparent — is dis- 
 proved by a score of contradictions. Let Lord Bacon suffice : — 
 Another [of the Rabbins] noteth a position in moral philosophy, that 
 men abandoned to vice do not so much corrupt manners as those that are 
 half good and half evil. — Advancement of Learning. 
 
 Things not to be trusted : — 
 
 A bright sky, 
 
 A smiling master, 
 
 The cry of a dog, 
 
 A harlot's sorrow. 
 Howitt's Literature and Romance of Northern Europe. 
 Grant I may never be so fond 
 To trust man in his oath or bond, 
 Or a harlot for her weeping, 
 Or a dog that seems a-sleeping. 
 
 Apemantus' Grace. — Timon of Athens. 
 
 The collocation of dogs and harlots in both passages is very 
 remarkable. 
 
 All human race, from China to Peru, 
 Pleasure, howe'er disguised by art, pursue. 
 
 Warton: Universal Love of Pleasure, 1748. 
 Let observation, with extensive view, 
 Survey mankind, from China to Peru. 
 
 Dr. Johnson: Vanity of Human Wishes, 1749. 
 
 Shakspeare's dreamy Dane says, — 
 
 Man delights not me, nor woman neither. 
 
 A sentiment very nearly expressed in Horace's Ode to 
 Venus : — 
 
 Me nee femina, nee puer, 
 
 Jam nee spes animi credula mutui. 
 Nee certare juvat mero, &c. — Lib. IV. 
 (As for me, neither woman, nor youth, nor the fond hope 
 of mutual inclination, <fcc. delight me.) 
 
646 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 The world's a theatre, the earth a stage, 
 
 Which God and nature do with actors fill ; 
 Kings have their entrance with due equipage, 
 And some their parts play well, and others ill. 
 
 Thomas Heywood: Apology for Actors, 1612. 
 All the world's a stage, 
 And all the men and women merely players : 
 They have their exits and their entrances; 
 And one man in his life plays many parts. 
 
 Shakspeare : Aa You like It. 
 
 Palladas, a Greek poet of the third century, has the fol- 
 lowing, translated by Merivale : — 
 
 This life a theatre we well may call, 
 
 Where every actor must perform with art, 
 Or laugh it through and make a farce of all, 
 Or learn to hear with grace his tragic part. 
 
 Pythagoras, who lived nearly two centuries later, also 
 
 said, — 
 
 This world is like a stage whereon many play their parts. 
 
 Among the epigrams of Palladas may be found the ori- 
 ginal of a modern saw, the purport of which is that an igno- 
 ramus, by maintaining a prudent silence, may pass for a wise 
 man : — 
 
 lias T£S a7taidsuTO<; (ppovt/KOzaroq eart giwtzwv. 
 
 Shakspeare uses it in the Merchant of Venice : — 
 
 my Antonio, I do know of these 
 That therefore only are reputed wise 
 For saying nothing. — Act I. Sc. 1. 
 
 We come crying hither : 
 Thou knowest the first time that we smell the air 
 
 We wawl and cry. 
 
 When we are horn, we cry that we are come 
 To this great stage of fools. — King Lear, IV. 6. 
 
 Turn porro puer, 
 
 Vagituque locum lugubri complet, ut sequum est 
 Cui tantum in vita restet transire malorum. 
 
 Lucretius : Be Her. JWit. 
 
 The undiscovered country, from whose bourn 
 
 No traveller returns. — Hamlet, Act III. 
 
 Qui nunc, it per iter tenebricosum 
 
 Illuc unde negant redire quemquam. — Catullus. 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 647 
 
 A similar form of expression occurs in the Book of Job, x. 
 21, and xvi. 22; but it is probable, from this and other passages, 
 that Shakspeare's acquaintance with the Latin writers was 
 greater than has been generally supposed. One of the com- 
 mentators on Hamlet, in pointing out the similarity of ideas 
 in the lines commencing, " The cock, that is the trumpet to 
 the morn/' &c. (Act Z) and the hymn of St. Ambrose in the 
 Salisbury collection, — 
 
 Preco dioi jam sonat, 
 
 Noctis profundae pervigil ; 
 
 Nocturna lux viantibus, 
 
 A nocte noctem segregans. 
 
 Hoc excitatus Lucifer, 
 
 Solvit polum caligine ; 
 
 Hoc omnis errorum chorus 
 
 Viam nocendi deserit. 
 
 Gallo canente spes redit, &o., 
 has the following remark. " Some future Dr. Farmer may, per- 
 haps, show how Shakspeare became acquainted with this pass- 
 age, without being able to read the original ; for the resem- 
 blance is too close to be accidental. But this, with many other 
 passages, and especially his original Latinisms of phrase, give 
 evidence enough of a certain degree of acquaintance with 
 Latin, — doubtless not familiar nor scholar-like, but sufficient to 
 give a coloring to his style, and to open to him many treasures 
 of poetical thought and diction not accessible to the merely 
 English reader. Such a degree of acquirement might well 
 appear low to an accomplished Latinist like Ben Jonson, and 
 authorize him to say of his friend, — 
 
 Though thou hadst small Latin and less Greek ; — 
 yet the very mention of his ' small Latin' indicates that Ben 
 knew that he had some." 
 
 Mr. Fox, the orator, remarked on one occasion that Shak- 
 speare must have had some acquaintance with Euripides, for he 
 could trace resemblances between passages of their dramas : 
 e.g. what Alcestis in her last moments says about her servants 
 is like what the dying Queen Katharine (in Henry the Eighth) 
 says about hers, &c 
 
648 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 That Shakspeare " may often be tracked in the snow" of 
 Terence, as Dryden remarks of Ben Jonson, is evident from 
 the following : — 
 
 Master, it is no time to chide you now : 
 
 Affection is not rated from the heart. 
 
 If love hath touched you, naught remains but so, — 
 
 Eedime te captum quam queas minimo. — Taming of the Shrew, I. 1. 
 
 The last line is manifestly an alteration of the words of Par- 
 meno in The Eunuch of Terence : — 
 
 Quid agas, nisi ut te redimas captum quam queas minimo ? — Act I. Sc. 1. 
 
 In another play Terence says, — 
 
 Facile omnes, cum valemus, recta consilia, tegrotis damus; 
 Tu si hie sis, aliter censeas. — Andrian XI. 1. 
 
 Shakspeare has it, — 
 
 Men 
 Can counsel and give comfort to that grief 
 "Which they themselves not feel ; but, tasting it, 
 Their counsel turns to passion. 
 
 ***** 
 'Tis all men's office to speak patience 
 To those that wring under the load of sorrow; 
 But no man's virtue, nor sufficiency, 
 To be so moral when he shall endure 
 The like himself. — Much Ado about Nothing, V. 1. 
 
 Apropos of this sentiment, Swift says, — 
 
 I never knew a man who could not bear the misfortunes of others with the 
 most Christian resignation. — Thoughts on Various Subjects. 
 
 And La Rochefoucauld, — 
 
 We have all of us sufficient fortitude to bear the misfortunes of others. — 
 Max. 20. 
 
 Falstaff says, in 1 Henry IY. ii. 4, — 
 
 For though the camomile, the more it is trodden on, the faster it grows, yet 
 youth, the more it is wasted, the sooner it wears. 
 
 Shakspeare evidently here parodied an expression in Sir 
 John Lyly's Euphues : — 
 
 Though the camomile, the more it is trodden and pressed downe, the more 
 it spreadeth ; yet the violet, the oftener it is handled and touched, the sooner 
 it wlthereth and decaieth. 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 649 
 
 Two verses in Titus Andronicus appear to have pleased 
 Shakspeare so well that he twice subsequently closely copied 
 them : — 
 
 She is a woman, therefore may be wooed, 
 
 She is a woman, therefore may be won. — Titua Andron. II. 1. 
 
 She's beautiful, and therefore to be wooed ; 
 
 She is a woman, therefore to be won. — First Part Henry VI, V. 3. 
 
 "Was ever woman in this humor wooed ? 
 
 Was ever woman in this humor won ? — Richard III, I. 2. 
 
 Though Shakspeare has drawn freely from others, he is him- 
 self a mine from which many builders have quarried their ma- 
 terials. — a Coliseum 
 
 "from whose mass 
 Walls, palaces, half cities, have been reared." 
 
 Honor and shame from no condition rise : 
 
 Act well your part, there all the honor lies. — Pope : Essay on Man. 
 
 This is only a new rendering of the thought thus expressed 
 by Shakspeare : — 
 
 From lowest place when virtuous things proceed, 
 
 The place is dignified by the doer's deed.— All's Well that Ends Well, II. 3. 
 
 Let rusty steel a while be sheathed, 
 
 And all those harsh and rugged sounds 
 
 Of bastinadoes, cuts, and wounds, 
 
 Exchanged to love's more gentle style. — Eudibras, P. II c. 1. , 
 
 Our stern alarums changed to merry meetings, 
 
 Our dreadful marches to delightful measures. — Richard III, I. 1. 
 
 The military figure of Shakspeare's musical lines, — 
 Beauty's ensign yet 
 Is crimson in thy lips and on thy cheeks, 
 And Death's pale flag is not advanced there. — Romeo and Juliet, V. 3, 
 
 is closely imitated by Chamberlain : — 
 
 The rose had lost 
 His ensign in her cheeks ; and tho' it cost 
 Pains nigh to death, the lily had alone 
 Set his pale banners up. — Pharonidas. 
 
 A dream 
 Dreamed by a happy man, while the dark east 
 Is slowly brightening to his bridal morn. — Tennyson. 
 Copied from the Merchant of Venice : — 
 
 55 
 
650 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 Then musio is 
 As those dulcet sounds in break of day, 
 That creep into the dreaming bridegroom's ear 
 And summon him to marriage. — III. 2. 
 
 How can we expect another to keep our secret if we cannot keep it our* 
 selves ? — La Rochefoucauld, Max. 90. 
 
 Toute revelation d'un secret est la faute de celui qui l'a confieV— La Bru- 
 Yere : De la SocUU. 
 
 I have played the fool, the gross fool, to believe / 
 
 The bosom of a friend would hold a secret 
 
 Mine own could not contain. — Massinger : Unnatural Combat, V. 2. 
 
 Ham. — Do not believe it. 
 
 Ros. — Believe what ? 
 
 Ham. — That I can keep your counsel, and not mine own. 
 
 Shakspeare : Hamlet, IV. 2. 
 
 Anger is like 
 A full-hot horse, who being allowed his way, 
 Self mettle tires him. — Henry VIII. I. 1. 
 Let passion work, and, like a hot-reined horse, 
 'Twill quickly tire itself.— Massinger : Unnatural Combat. 
 
 Is this the Talbot so much feared abroad 
 
 That with his name the mothers still their babes ? — Henry VI. II. 3. 
 
 Nor shall Sebastian's formidable name 
 
 Be longer used to lull the crying babe. — Dryden : Don Sebastian. 
 
 • Chili's dark matrons long shall tame 
 
 The froward child with Bertram's name. — Scott : Rokeby. 
 
 It were better to be eaten to death with rust than to bo scoured to 
 nothing by perpetual motion. — Henry IV., Second Part, I. 2. 
 
 Reversed by Byron : — 
 
 Better to sink beneath the shock 
 
 Than moulder piecemeal on the rock. — Giaour, 
 
 'Tis her breathing that 
 Perfumes the chamber thus. — Cymbeline. 
 
 No lips did seem so fair 
 In his conceit — through which he thinks doth fly 
 So sweet a breath that doth perfume the air. 
 
 MARSTON: Pygmalion' 8 Image. 
 
 Thrice is he armed that hath his quarrel just; 
 And he but naked, though locked up in steel, 
 Whose conscience with injustice is corrupted.— 2 Henry VI. III. 2. 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 651 
 
 I'm armed with more than complete steel — 
 The justice of my quarrel. — Marlowe : Lust's Dominion. 
 
 All that glisters is not gold. — Merchant of Venice, II. 
 Yet gold all is not that doth golden seeme. 
 
 Spenser : Faerie Queene, II, 
 
 Double, double, toil and trouble. — Macbeth. 
 JI6vo$, noi/ti>, -novov <f>Lpsi. — Sophocles : Ajax. 
 
 We shall not look upon his like again. — Hamlet, I. 
 Quando ullum inveniet parem ? — Horace. 
 
 None but himself can be his parallel. — Theobald. 
 
 Quseris Alcidaa parem ? 
 Nemo est nisi ipse. — Seneca : Hercules Furena. 
 
 Th^c following song from Shakspe are's Measure for Mea- 
 sure, commencing as follows, is copied verbatim in Beaumont 
 and Fletcher's Bloody Brother : — 
 
 Take, ! take those lips away, 
 
 That so sweetly were forsworn ; 
 And those eyes, the break of day, 
 
 Lights that do mislead the morn. 
 But my kisses bring again, 
 Seals of love, but sealed in vain. 
 
 The following line occurs both in Pope's Dunciad and 
 Addison's Campaign: — 
 
 Rides on the whirlwind, and directs the storm. 
 
 Ben Jonson borrowed his celebrated ballad To Celia, — 
 
 Drink to me only with thine eyes, Ac, 
 
 from Philo stratus, a Greek poet, who nourished at the court 
 of the Emperor Severus. 
 
 In Milton's description of the lazar-house occurs the fol- 
 lowing confused metaphor : — 
 
 Sight so deform what heart of rock could long 
 Dry-eyed behold ? 
 
 Derived from a similar combination in Tibullus : — • 
 
 Flebis ; non tua sunt duro praecordia ferro 
 
 Vincta, nee in tenero stat tibi corde silex. — El. I. 63. 
 
652 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 When Christ, at Cana's feast, by power divine, 
 Inspired cold water with the warmth of wine, 
 • See ! cried they, while in redd'ning tide it gushed, 
 The bashful water saw its God and blushed. — Aaron Him. 
 Lympha pudica Deum vidit et erubuit.* — Richard Crashawe. 
 
 Fond fool ! six feet shall serve for all thy store, 
 
 And he that cares for most shall find no more. — Hall. 
 
 His wealth is summed, and this is all his store : 
 This poor men get, and great men get no more. 
 
 G. Webster : Vittoria Corombonau 
 
 God made the country, and man made the town. — Cowper : Task. 
 God the first garden made, and the first city Cain. — Cowley. 
 
 Hypocrisy, detest her as we may, 
 
 May claim this merit still, — that she admits 
 
 The worth of what she mimics with such care, 
 
 And thus gives virtue indirect applause. — Cowper : Task. 
 
 Le vice rend hommage a la vertu en s'honorant de ses apparences. — 
 
 Massillon. 
 
 Love is sweet 
 Given or returned. Common as light is love, 
 And its familiar voice wearies not ever ; 
 They who inspire it most are fortunate, 
 As I am now j but those who feel it most 
 Are happier still. — Shelley : Prometheus Unbound. 
 
 It is better to desire than to enjoy, to love than to be loved. — 
 
 It makes us proud when our love of a mistress is returned : it ought to 
 make us prouder still when we can love her for herself alone, without the aid 
 of any such selfish reflection. This is the religion of love. — Hazlitt: Cha- 
 
 Pcople who are always taking care of their health are like misers, who are 
 hoarding up a treasure which they have never spirit enough to enjoy. — 
 
 Sterne : Koran. 
 
 Preserving the health by too strict a regimen is a wearisome malady. — La 
 
 Rochefoucauld : Max. 285. 
 
 • 
 
 * It is not a little singular that Mr. Arvine, in his excellent Cyclopsedia, 
 gives Milton and Dry den, while boys at school, equal credit for originating, 
 in the same way, this beautiful idea. 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 653 
 
 The king can make a belted knight, 
 A marquis, duke, and a' that, — 
 * » * 
 
 The rank is but the guinea stamp, 
 
 The man's the gowd for a' that. — Burns. 
 I weigh the man, not his title; 'tis not the king's stamp can make the me- 
 tal better or heavier. Your lord is a leaden shilling, which you bend every 
 way, and debases the stamp he bears. Wycherly : Plain Dealer. 
 
 Titles of honor are like the impressions on coin, which add no value to gold 
 and silver, but only render brass current. — Sterne : Koran. 
 
 Kings do with men as with pieces of money : they give them what value 
 they please, and we are obliged to receive them at their current, and not at 
 their real, value. — La Rochefoucauld : Max. 160. 
 
 Kossuth's " To Mm that wills, nothing is impossible,"* is 
 thus expressed by La Rochefoucauld : — 
 
 Nothing is impossible : there are ways which lead to every thing ; and if we 
 had sufficient will, we should always have sufficient means. — Max. 255. 
 
 Shelley gives the idea as follows : — 
 
 It is our will 
 That thus enchains us to permitted ill. 
 We might be otherwise : we might be all 
 We dream of, happy, high, majestical. 
 Where is the beauty, love, and truth we seek 
 But in our minds ? and if we were not weak, 
 Should we be less in deed than in desire ? 
 
 Julian and Maddolo. 
 
 To most men, experience is like the stern-lights of a ship, which illumine 
 only the track it has passed. — Coleridge. 
 
 We arrive complete novices at the different ages of life, and we often want 
 experience in spite of the number of our years. — 
 
 La Rochefoucauld : Max. 430. 
 
 The same idea may be found in the Adelphi of Terence, 
 Act V. Sc. 2, v. 1-4. 
 
 For those that fly may fight again, 
 
 Which he can never do that's slain. — Hudibras. 
 
 He who fights and runs away 
 
 May live to fight another day. — Sir John Minnes. 
 
 * Mirabeau's hasty temper is well known. u Monsieur le Compte," said his 
 secretary to him one day, "the thing you require is impossible." " Impossi- 
 ble!" exclaimed Mirabeau, starting from his chair: "never again use that 
 foolish word in my presence." 
 
 55* 
 
654 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 But Demosthenes, the famous Grecian orator, had said, 
 long before, — 
 
 ' Avyp 6 (peuywv xai itdXcv (j.a^-qasrai. 
 
 She could love none but only such. 
 
 As scorned and hated her as much. — Hudibras. 
 
 Horace, in describing such a capricious kind of love, uses 
 the following language : — 
 
 Leporem venator ut alta 
 
 In nive sectatur, positum sic tangere nolit ; 
 
 Cantat et apponit : meus est amor huic similis ; nam 
 
 Transvolat in medio posita, et fugientia captat. — Satires, Book I. ii., 
 
 which is nearly a translation of the eleventh epigram of 
 Callimachus. 
 
 "What woful stuff this madrigal would be 
 In some starved hackney sonneteer, or me! 
 But let a lord once own the happy lines, 
 How the wit brightens ! how the style refines ! 
 
 Pope : Essay on Criticism. 
 
 Moliere has the same sentiment : — 
 
 Tous les discours sont des sottises 
 
 Partant d'un homme sans Sclat; 
 Ce seraient paroles exquises, 
 
 Si c'Stait un grand qui parlat. 
 
 It may also be found in Ennius, Euripides, and other 
 writers. The last notability who has expressed the idea is 
 Emerson, who says, — 
 
 It adds a great deal to the force ot an opinion to know that there is a man 
 of mark and likelihood behind it. 
 
 Others may use the ocean as their road, 
 
 Only the English make \t their abode : — 
 
 We tread the billows with a steady foot. — Waller. 
 
 Campbell adopts the thoughts of these italicized words in 
 the Mariners of England : — 
 
 Britannia needs no bulwark, 
 
 No towers along the steep : 
 Her march is on the mountain-waves, 
 
 Her home is on the deep. 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 655 
 
 Now folds the lily all her sweetness up, 
 
 And slips into the bosom of the lake ; 
 
 So fold thyself, my dearest, thou, and slip 
 
 Into my bosom, and be lost in me. — Tennyson : Princess. 
 
 And like a lily on a river floating, 
 
 She floats upon the river of his thoughts. 
 
 Longfellow : Spanish Student. 
 
 You must either soar or stoop, 
 Fall or triumph, stand or droop ; 
 You must either serve or govern, 
 Must be slave or must be sovereign ; 
 Must, in fine, be block or wedge, 
 Must be anvil or be sledge. — Goethe. 
 In this world a man must be either anvil or hammer. 
 
 Longfellow: Hyperion. 
 
 Lockhart says, in his Life of Sir Walter Scott, " It was on 
 this occasion, I believe, that Scott first saw his friend's brother 
 Reginald (Heber), in after-days the Apostolic Bishop of Cal- 
 cutta. He had just been declared the successful competitor 
 for that year's poetical prize, and read to Scott at breakfast, in 
 Brazennose College, the MS. of his Palestine. Scott observed 
 that in the verses on Solomon's Temple one striking circum- 
 stance had escaped him, namely, that no tools were used in its 
 erection. Reginald retired for a few minutes to the corner of 
 the room, and returned with the beautiful lines, — 
 
 No hammer fell, no ponderous axes rung : 
 
 Like some tall palm the mystic fabric sprung. 
 
 Majestic silence I" &c. 
 
 Cowper had previously expressed the same idea : — 
 Silently as a dream the fabric rose : 
 No sound of hammer nor of saw was there » 
 Ice upon ice, &c. — Palace of Ice. 
 
 Milton had also said, — 
 
 Anon out of the earth a fabric huge 
 Rose like an exhalation. — Paradise Lost. 
 
 • Speech is the light, the morning of the mind : 
 It spreads the beauteous images abroad 
 Which else lie furled and shrouded in the soul. — 
 
 Dryden evidently had in mind the language of Themisto- 
 
 CLES to the King of Persia : — 
 
656 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 Speech is like cloth of arras opened and put abroad, whereby the imagery 
 doth appear in figure, whereas in thoughts they lie but in packs (i. e. rolled 
 up, or packed up). 
 
 Silence that spoke, and eloquence of eyes. — Pope : Homer's Iliad, Book XIV. 
 
 Voltaire, in his (Edvpus, makes Jocasta say, — 
 
 Tout parle contre nous, jusqu'a notre silence. 
 
 In Milton's Samson Agonistcs we find, — 
 
 The deeds themselves,, though mute, spoke loud the doer. 
 
 "A sorrow's crown op sorrow." 
 A similar thought may be found in Dante : — 
 
 nessun maggior dolore, 
 
 Che ricordarsi del tempo felice 
 Nella miseria. — Inferno, Canto v. 121. 
 ( There is no greater pain than to recall a happy time in wretchedness.) 
 
 Also Chaucer : — 
 
 For of Fortune's sharpe adversite 
 The worst kind of infortune is this : 
 A man to have been in prosperite 
 And it remember when it passid is. 
 
 Troilus and Gresside, B. III. 
 
 The same thought occurs in the writings of other Italian 
 poets. See Marino, Adone, c. xiv. ; Fortinguerra, Ricci- 
 ardetto, c. xi. ; and Petrarch, canzone 46. The original was 
 probably in Boetius, de Consol. Philosoph. : — 
 
 In omni adversitate fortunae infelicissimum genus est infortunii fuisse feli- 
 cem et non esse. — L. ii. pr. 4. « 
 
 The famous pun in the imitation of Crabbe in the Rejected 
 Addresses : — 
 
 The youth, with joy unfeigned, 
 Regained the felt, and felt what he regained, 
 
 and of Holmes in his Urania : — 
 
 Mount the new Castor : — ice itself will melt ; 
 Boots, gloves, may fail ; the hat is always felt, 
 
 had been anticipated by Thomas Heywood in a song : — 
 
 But of all felts that may be felt, 
 Give me your English beaver. 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 657 
 
 Falstaff's pun : — 
 
 Indeed I am in the waist two yards about; but I am now about no waste; 
 I am about thrift, — {Merry Wives of Windsor.) 
 
 had also been anticipated, and may be found in Heywood's 
 " Epigrammes" 1562 : — 
 
 " Where am I least, husband ?" Quoth he, " In the waist ; 
 
 Which cometh of this, thou art vengeance strait-laced. 
 
 Where am I biggest, wife ?" " In the waste," quoth she, 
 
 " For all is waste in you, as far as I see." 
 
 The same play, on the word occurs subsequently in Shir- 
 ley's comedy of The Wedding, 1629 : — 
 
 He is a great man indeed; something given to the waist, for he lives within* 
 no reasonable compass. 
 
 Moore, in his song Dear Harp of my Country , sings, — 
 If the pulse of the patriot, soldier, or lover 
 
 Have throbbed at our lay, 'tis thy glory alone ; 
 I was but as the wind passing heedlessly over, 
 And all the wild sweetness I waked was thy own ; — 
 
 an idea probably caught from Horace's Ode to Melpomene: — 
 
 Totum muneris hoc tui est, 
 
 Quod monstror digito praetereuntium 
 Roman ae fidicen lyrae : 
 
 Quod spiro, et placeo, si placeo, tuum est. 
 ( That I am pointed out by the fingers of passers-by as the stringef 
 of the Roman lyre, is entirely thy gift : that I breathe and give 
 pleasure, if I do give pleasure, is thine.) 
 
 Now, by those stars that glance 
 
 O'er Heaven's still expanse, 
 
 Weave we our mirthful dance, 
 
 Daughters of Zea ! — Moore : Evenings in Greece. 
 
 Beneath the moonlight sky 
 
 The festal warblings flowed 
 Where maidens to the Queen of Heaven 
 Wove the gay dance. — Keble : Christian Tear. 
 
 Her 'prentice han' she tried on man, 
 An' then she made the lassies, 0. 
 
 Burns : Green Grow, &c 
 Man was made when Nature was but an apprentice, but woman when she 
 was a skilful mistress of her art. — Cupid's Whirligig (1607). 
 2K 
 
658 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 A book, upon whose leaves some chosen plants 
 By his own hand disposed with nicest care, 
 In un decaying beauty were preserved j — 
 t Mute register, to him, of time and place 
 And various fluctuations in the breast j 
 To her a monument of faithful love 
 Conquered, and in tranquillity retained. 
 
 Wordsworth : Excursion. 
 Like flower-leaves in a precious volume stored, 
 
 To solace and relieve 
 Some heart too weary of the restless world. — Keble : Christian Tear. 
 
 Her pretty feet, 
 
 Like smiles, did creep 
 
 A little out, and then, 
 
 As if they started at bo-peep, 
 
 Did soon draw in again. — Herrick. 
 
 Imitated by Sir John Suckling in his ballad of The Wed* 
 
 ding : — 
 
 Her feet beneath her petticoat 
 Like little mice stole in and out, 
 
 As if they feared the light ; 
 But, oh, she dances such a way, 
 No sun upon an Easter day 
 
 Is half so fine a sight 1 
 
 So the struck eagle, stretched upon the plain, 
 No more through rolling clouds to soar again, 
 Viewed his own feather on the fatal dart, 
 And winged the shaft that quivered in his heart: 
 Keen were his pangs, but keener far to feel 
 He nursed the pinion which impelled the steel, 
 While the same plumage that had warmed his nest 
 Drank the last life-drop of his bleeding breast. 
 
 Byron : On the Death of Kirke White. 
 
 Waller says, in his Lines to a Lady singing a song of his 
 own composing, — 
 
 That eagle's fate and mine are one, 
 
 Which, on the shaft that made him die, 
 Espied a feather of his own 
 Wherewith he'd wont to soar so high. 
 
 Moore uses the same figure : — 
 
 Like a young eagle, who has lent his plume 
 To fledge the shaft by which he meets his doom, 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 659 
 
 See their own feathers plucked to wing the dart 
 
 Which rank corruption destines for their heart. — Corruption. 
 
 The original in The Myrmidons of Eschylus has been thus 
 translated : — 
 
 An eagle once, — so Libyan legends say, — 
 Struck to the heart, on earth expiring lay, 
 And, gazing on the shaft that winged the blow, 
 Thus spoke : — " Whilst others' ills from others flow, 
 To my own plumes, alas ! my fate I owe." 
 
 Even as a broken mirror, which the glass 
 
 In every fragment multiplies, and makes 
 A thousand images of one that was, 
 
 The same, and still the more, the more it breaks. 
 
 Byron: Childe Harold. 
 
 Suggested by the following passage :— 
 
 And as Praxiteles did by his glass when he saw a scurvy face in it, brake 
 it to pieces, but for that one he saw many more as bad in a moment. 
 
 Burton : Anatomy of Melancholy, Part II., Sect. 3, (mem. 7.) 
 
 In her first passion woman loves her lover, 
 
 In all the others, all she loves is love, &c. — Byron : Don Juan. 
 
 Borrowed from La Rochefoucauld : — 
 
 Dans les premieres passions les femmes aiment l'amant ; dans les autres 
 elles aiment l'amour. — Max. 494. 
 
 In the same place Byron adds : — 
 
 Although, no doubt, her first of love-affairs 
 Is that to which her heart is wholly granted, 
 Yet there are some, they say, who have had none j 
 But those who have ne'er end with only one. 
 
 And in some observations upon an article in Blackwood's 
 Magazine, he says, — 
 
 Writing grows a habit, like a woman's gallantry. There are women who 
 have had no intrigue, but few who have had but one only : so there are mil- 
 lions of men who have never written a book, but few who have written only 
 one. 
 
 This idea is also borrowed from La Rochefoucauld : — 
 
 On peut trouver des femmes qui n'ont jamais eu de galanterie ; mais il est 
 rare d'en trouver qui n'en aient jamais eu qu'une. — Max. 73. 
 
 A thousand years scarce serve to form a state, 
 An hour may lay it in the dust. — Byron : Childe Harold. 
 Cento si richieggono ad edificare ; un solo basta per distruggere tutto.— 
 
 MuRATORfs Annate, 
 
660 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 Even from out thy slime 
 The monsters of the deep are formed. — Ghilde Harold. 
 
 Yet monsters from thy large increase we find, 
 
 Engendered in the slime thou leav'st behind. — Dryden : The Medal, 
 I am not altogether of such clay 
 
 As rots into the souls of those whom I survey. — Ghilde Harold. 
 The gods, a kindness I with thanks repay, 
 Had formed me of another sort of clay. — Churchill. 
 
 What exile from himself can flee t 
 
 To zones though more and more remote, 
 Still, still pursues, where'er I be, 
 
 The blight of life, — the demon Thought.— Ghilde Harold. 
 Patriae quis exul se quoque fugit ? — Horace : Ode to Grosphus. 
 
 Vide also Epist. XL 28. 
 
 To-morrow for the Mooa we depart, 
 
 But not to-night, — to-night is for the heart. — Byron: The Island. 
 Nunc vino pellite curas; 
 
 Cras ingens iterabimus aequor. — Hora.CE : Ode to Munatiua Plancue. 
 (Now drown your cares in wine j 
 To-morrow we shall traverse the great brine.) 
 
 Dryden, alluding to his work, says, — 
 
 When it was only a confused mass of thoughts tumbling over one another 
 in the dark ; when the fancy was yet in its first work, moving the sleeping 
 images of things towards the light, there to be distinguished, and there either 
 to be chosen or rejected by the judgment. — Rival Ladies (1664). 
 
 Byron thus appropriates the idea : — 
 
 As yet 'tis but a chaos 
 
 Of darkly brooding thoughts ; my fancy is 
 
 In her first work, more nearly to the light 
 
 Holding the sleeping images of things 
 
 For the selection of the pausing judgment. — Doge of Venice, I. 2. 
 
 And if I laugh at any mortal thing, 
 
 'Tis that I may not weep. — Byron : Don Juan. 
 
 Richardson had said, long before, — 
 
 Indeed, it is to this deep concern that my levity is owing; for I struggle 
 and struggle, and try to buffet down my cruel reflections as they rise ; and 
 when I cannot, / am forced to try to maHe myself laugh that I may not cry / 
 for one or other I must do : and is it not philosophy carried to the highest 
 pitch for a man to conquer such tumults of soul as I am sometimes agitated 
 by, and in the very height of the storm to quaver out a horse-laugh ? 
 
 Clarissa Harlowe, Let 84. 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 661 
 
 In the Antiquary of Sir Walter Scott, Maggie says to 
 Oldbuck of Monkbarns (ch. xi.): — 
 
 It's no fish ye're buying, its men's lives. 
 
 Tom Hood, appears to have borrowed this idea in the Song 
 of the Shirt : — 
 
 It is not linen you're wearing out, 
 But human creatures' lives. 
 
 In Rogers' poem, Human Life is this couplet describing a 
 good wife : — 
 
 A guardian angel o'er his hearth presiding, 
 Doubling his pleasures, and his cares dividing. 
 
 In the Tatler, No. 49, it is said of a model couple, Amanda 
 and Florio, that " their satisfactions are doubled, their sorrows 
 lessened, by participation/' 
 
 Of the buccaneering adventurer described in Rokeby, Sir 
 Walter Scott says : — 
 
 Inured to danger's direst form, 
 Tornade and earthquake, flood and storm, 
 Death had he seen by sudden blow, 
 By wasting plague, by torture slow, 
 By mine or breach, by steel or ball, 
 Knew all his shapes and scorned them all. 
 
 Sir Walter Raleigh, in a letter to his wife on the eve, as 
 he supposed, of his execution, speaks of himself as "one who, 
 in his own respect, despiseth death in all his misshapen and 
 ugly forms." 
 
 Speaking of Burke, Goldsmith says in his Retaliation : — 
 
 Who, born for universe, narrowed his mind, 
 
 And to party gave up what was meant for mankind. 
 
 Pope, in his Last Letter to the Bishop of Rochester, (At- 
 terbury,) said: — 
 
 At this time, when you are cut off from a little society and made a citizen 
 of the world at large, you should bend your talents, not to serve a party or 
 a few, but all mankind. 
 
 56 
 
 
662 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 Hope springs eternal in the human breast : 
 Man never is, but always to be, blest. — Pope. 
 
 Nous ne jouissons jamais; nous esperons toujours. — Massillon, Sermon 
 pour le Jour de St. Benoit. 
 
 The jocular saying of Douglas Jerrold, that a wife of forty- 
 should, like a bank-note, be exchangeable ibr two of twenty, 
 was anticipated by Byron r — 
 
 Wedded she was some years, and to a man 
 Of fifty, and such husbands are in plenty ; 
 
 And yet, I think, instead of such a one 
 
 'Twere better to have two of five-and-twenty. 
 
 Don Juan, lxii. 
 
 And still earlier by Gay in Equivocation. In the colloquy 
 between a bishop and an abbot, the bishop advises : — 
 
 These indiscretions lend a handle 
 To lewd lay tongues to give us scandal 
 For your vow's sake, this rule I give t'ye, 
 Let all your maids be turned of fifty. 
 
 The priest replied, I have not swerved, 
 
 But your chaste precept well observed ; 
 
 That lass full twenty-five has told j 
 
 I've yet another who's as old ; 
 
 Into one sum their ages cast, 
 
 So both my maids have fifty past. 
 
 Many readers will remember the lines by Burns, com- 
 mencing : — 
 
 The day returns, my bosom burns, 
 
 The blissful day we twa did meet; 
 Though winter wild in tempest toiled, 
 
 Ne'er summer morn was half sae sweet. 
 
 The turn of thought in this stanza bears a striking resem- 
 blance to the concluding lines of Ode cxi., of M. A. Fla- 
 minius. The following translation is close enough to point the 
 
 resemblance : — 
 
 When, borne on Zephyr's balmy wing 
 Again returns the purple spring 
 Instant the mead is gay with flowers 
 The forest smiles, and through its bowers 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 663 
 
 Once more the song-bird's tuneful voice 
 
 Bids nature everywhere rejoice. 
 
 Yet fairer far and far more gay 
 
 To me were winter's darkest day, 
 
 So, blessed thenceforth, it should restore 
 
 My loved one to my arms once more. 
 
 Moore says : — 
 
 Let conquerors boast 
 Their fields of fame — he who in virtue's arms 
 A young warm spirit against beauty's charms 
 Who feels her brightness, yet defies her thrall 
 Is the best, bravest conqueror of all. 
 
 Howell in the Epistolae Ho-Elianse says : — 
 
 Alexander subdued the world — Caesar his enemies — Hercules monsters — 
 but he that overcomes himself is the true valiant captain. 
 
 Brutus says, in Shakspeare's Julius Csesar, iv., 3 : — 
 
 There is a tide in the affairs of men, 
 Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; 
 Omitted, all the voyage of their life 
 Is bound in shallows, and in miseries. 
 
 In Bacon's Advancement of Learning, B. 2, occurs this 
 passage : — 
 
 In the third place, I set down reputation, because of the peremptory tides 
 and currents it hath, which, if they be not taken in due time, are seldom 
 recovered, it being extreme hard to play an after game of reputation. 
 
 King Henry says, in Shakspeare's 2 Hen. VI., i. 1 : — 
 
 Lord, that lends me life, 
 Lend me a heart replete with thankfulness. 
 
 George Herbert says: — 
 
 Thou that hast given so much to me, 
 Give one thing more, a grateful heart. 
 
 Vitruvius says : — There are various kinds of timber, as 
 there are various kinds of flesh; one of men, one of fishes, one 
 of beasts, and another of birds. 
 
 St. Paul says: — All flesh is not the same flesh, &c, 1 Cor. 
 xv. 39. 
 
664 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 In Coventry Patmore's delicately beautiful poem, The 
 Angel in the House, twice occurs the line, — 
 
 Her pleasure in her power to cEarm. 
 
 "An exquisite line," says The Critic: "who could have be- 
 lieved that the ugly and often unjust word vanity could ever 
 be melted down into so true and pretty and flattering a peri- 
 phrasis?" Thackeray uses the same idea: — 
 
 A fair young creature, bright and blooming yesterday, distributing 
 smiles, levying homage, inspiring desire, conscious of her power to charm, 
 and gay with the natural enjoyments of her conquests — who, in his walk 
 through the world, has not looked on many such a one ? The Newcomes. 
 E'en the slight hare-bell raised its head, 
 Elastic from its airy tread. Scott, Lady of the Lake. 
 For other print her airy steps ne'er left ; 
 Her treading would not bend a blade of grass. 
 
 Ben Jonson, The Sad Shepherd. 
 Not so when swift Camilla scours the plain, 
 Flies o'er th' unbending corn, and skims along the main. 
 
 Pope, Essay on Criticism. 
 I hold it true, whate'er befall ; 
 I feel it, when I sorrow most; 
 'Tis better to have loved and lost 
 Than never to have loved at all. 
 
 Tennyson, In Memoriam, xxvii. 
 Magis gauderes quod habueras [amicum], quam mcereres quod amiseras. 
 
 Seneca, Epist. cxix. 
 The familiar epitaphic line, 
 
 Think what a woman should be — she was that, 
 finds a parallel in Shakspeare's Venus and Adonis: — 
 
 Look what a horse should have, he did not lack, 
 Save a proud rider on so proud a back. 
 
 And homeless, near a thousand homes, I stood, 
 And, near a thousand tables, pined and wanted food. 
 
 Wordsworth, Guilt and Sorrow. 
 
 Alas for the rarity 
 Of Christian charity 
 
 Under the sun ! 
 Oh, it was pitiful, 
 Near a whole city full 
 
 Home she had none. Hood, Bridge of Sighs. 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 665 
 
 So that a doubt almost within me springs 
 
 Of Providence. Wordsworth, Powers of Imagination. 
 
 Even God's Providence seeming estranged. 
 
 Hood, Bridge of Sighs. 
 Not that man may not here 
 Taste of the cheer : 
 But as birds drink, and straight lift up their head; 
 So must he sip and think 
 Of better drink 
 He may attain to after he is dead. 
 
 George Herbert, Man's Medley. 
 Look at the chicken by the side of yonder pond, and let it rebuke your 
 ingratitude. It drinks, and every sip it takes it lifts its head to heaven 
 and thanks the giver of the rain for the drink afforded to it; while thou 
 eatest and drinkest, and there is no blessing pronounced at thy meals and 
 no thanksgiving bestowed upon thy Father for his bounty. 
 
 Spurgeon, Everybody 's Sermon. 
 
 Toplady has bequeathed to us the beautiful hymn: — 
 Rock of ages, cleft for me, 
 Let me hide myself in thee ! 
 Let the water and the blood, 
 From thy riven side which flowed, 
 Be of sin tiie double cure, 
 Cleanse me from its guilt and power. 
 
 But Daniel Brevint in The Christian Sacrament and 
 Sacrifice, (1673) had made this devout and solemn aspiration:^— 
 
 Rock of Israel, Rock of Salvation, Rock struck and cleft for me, let 
 those two streams of blood and water, which once gushed out of thy side 
 . . . bring down with them salvation and holiness into my soul. 
 
 She (the Roman Catholic Church) may still exist in undiminished 
 vigor when some traveler from New Zealand shall, in the midst of a vast 
 solitude, take his stand on a broken arch of London Bridge to sketch the 
 ruins of St. Paul's. Macauiay, Ranke's History of the Popes. 
 
 The next Augustan age will dawn on the other side of the Atlantic. 
 There will perhaps be a Thucydides at Boston, a Xenophon at New York, 
 and, in time, a Virgil at Mexico, and a Newton at Peru. At last some 
 curious traveler from Lima will visit England, and give a description of 
 the ruins of St. Paul's, like the editions of Baalbec and Palmyra :— but am 
 I not prophesying contrary to my consummate prudence, and casting 
 horoscopes of empires like Rousseau ? 
 
 Horace Walpole, Letter to Mason. 
 56* 
 
666 
 
 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 Readers of Don Juan sometimes descant with rapture on the 
 beauty of the lines (c. i. v. 123), — 
 
 "lis sweet to hear the watch-dog's honest bark 
 
 Bay deep-mouthed welcome as we draw near home, — 
 
 The epithet deep-mouthed, as applied to the bark, being es- 
 pecially designated as "fine." And fine it is, but Byron found 
 it in Shakspeare and in Goldsmith : — 
 
 And couple Clowder with the deep-mouthed brach. 
 
 Taming of the Shrew, Indue. Sc. 1. 
 
 The laborers of the day were all retired to rest; the lights were out in 
 every cottage; no sounds were heard but of the shrilling cock, and the 
 deep-mouthe'd watch-dog at hollow distance. 
 
 Vicar of Wakefield, ch. xxii. 
 
 "Your sermon," said a great critic to a great preacher, "was 
 very fine; but had it been only half the length, it would have 
 produced twice the impression." "You are quite right," was 
 the reply; "but the fact is, I received but sudden notice to 
 preach, and therefore 1 had not the time to make my sermon 
 shorts 
 
 Voltaire apologized for writing a long letter on the ground 
 that he had not time to condense. In these cases the idea is 
 borrowed from classical literature. Pliny says in his Letters 
 ( lib. i. ep. xx. ) : — 
 
 Ex his apparet ilium permulta dixisse ; quum ederet, omisisse; . . . ne 
 dubitare possimus, quae per plures dies, ut necesse erat, latius dixerit, 
 postea recisa ac purgata in unum librum, grandem quidem, unum tamen, 
 coarctasse. 
 
 (From this it is evident that he said very much ; but, when he was pub- 
 lishing, he omitted much ; ... so that we may not doubt that, what he 
 said more diffusely, as he was at the time forced to do, having afterwards 
 retrenched and corrected, he condensed into one single book.) 
 
 The condensation and revision required more time and thought 
 than the first production. 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 667 
 
 Campbell says in 0' Connor's Child, — 
 
 For man's neglect we loved it more. 
 
 And again, Lines on leaving a Scene in Bavaria,— 
 
 For man's neglect I love thee more. 
 
 And Walter Scott likewise imitates himself thus : — 
 
 His grasp, as hard as glove of mail, 
 Forced the red blood drop from the nail. 
 
 Rokeby. Canto i. 
 
 He wrung the Earl's hand with such frantic earnestness, that his grasp 
 forced the blood to start under the nail. — Legend of Montrose. 
 
 In Rob Roy, Sir Walter makes Frank Osbaldistone say in 
 
 his elegy on Edward the Black Prince, — 
 
 for the voice of that wild horn, 
 On Fontarabian echoes borne, 
 
 The dying hero's call, 
 That told imperial Charlemagne, 
 How Paynim sons of swarthy Spain 
 
 Had wrought his champion's fall. 
 
 And in Marmion, toward the close of Canto Sixth, he says:— 
 
 for a blast of that dread horn, 
 On Fontarabian echoes borne, 
 
 That to King Charles did come, 
 When Rowland brave, and Oliver, 
 And every paladin and peer, 
 On Roncesvalles died. 
 When this inadvertent or unconscious coincidence in the 
 poem and the novel was pointed out to Sir Walter, he replied, 
 with his natural expression of comic gravity, "Ah! that was 
 very careless of me. I did not think I should have committed 
 such a blunder." 
 
 " I tread on the pride of Plato," said Diogenes, as he walked over Plato's 
 carpet. "Yes, and with more pride," said Plato. — Cecil, Remains. 
 
 Trampling on Plato's pride, with greater pride, 
 As did the Cynic on some like occasion, <fcc. 
 
 Byron, Bon Juan, xvi. 43. 
 
 Diogenes I hold to be the most vainglorious man of his time, and more 
 ambitious in refusing all honors than Alexander in rejecting none. 
 
 Browne, Religio Medici. 
 
668 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 There is an Italian proverb used, in the extravagance of 
 flattery, to compliment a handsome lady, expressive of this 
 idea: — "When nature made thee, she broke the mould." 
 Byron uses it in the closing lines of his monody on the 
 death of Sheridan : — 
 
 Sighing that Nature formed but one such man, 
 And broke the die, — in moulding Sheridan. 
 
 Shakspeare also says, in the second stanza of Venus and 
 Adonis, — 
 
 Nature that made thee, with herself at strife, 
 Saith that the world hath ending with thy life. 
 
 Du sublime au ridicule il n'y a qu'un pas. 
 
 (From the sublime to the ridiculous there is but a step.) 
 
 This saying, commonly ascribed to Napoleon, was borrowed 
 by him from Tom Paine, whose works were translated into 
 French in 1791, and who says, — 
 
 The sublime and the ridiculous are often so nearly related that it is diffi- 
 cult to class them separately. One step above the sublime makes the ridicu- 
 lous, and one step above the ridiculous makes the sublime again. 
 
 Tom Paine, in turn, adopted the idea from Hugh Blair, 
 who says, in one place, — 
 
 It is indeed extremely difficult to hit the precise point where true wit ends 
 and buffoonery begins. 
 
 In another, — 
 
 It frequently happens that where the second line is sublime, the third, in 
 which he meant to rise still higher, is perfect bombast. 
 
 Finally, Blair borrowed the saying from Longinus, a cele- 
 brated Greek critic and rhetorical writer, who, in a Treatise 
 On the Sublime, uses the same expression, with this slight mo- 
 dification, that he makes the transition a gradual one, while 
 Blair, Paine, and Napoleon make it but a step.* 
 
 * A curious instance of bathos occurs in Dr. Mavor's account of Cook's 
 voyages :— •" The wild rocks raised their lofty summits till they were lost in the 
 clouds, and the valleys lay covered with everlasting snow. Not a tree was to 
 be seen, nor even a shrub big enough to make a tooth-pick." 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 669 
 
 Evil communications corrupt good manners. — 1 Cor. xv. 33. 
 
 tteipovoiv ¥j$ri XP1°$' b/uXiai micai. — MenANPER. 
 
 Bonos corrumpunt mores congressus mali. — Tertullian : Ad Uxorem, 
 
 He that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow. — Eccl. i. 18. 
 From ignorance our comfort flows, 
 The only wretched are the wise. — Prior. 
 
 Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise. — Gray : Ode to Eton. 
 A little learning is a dangerous thing ; 
 
 Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring. — Pope : On Criticism. 
 A little philosophy inclineth man's mind to atheism, but depth in phi- 
 losophy bringeth men's minds about to religion. — Bacon : On Atheism. 
 
 In Paradise Lost, Book V. 601, we find the expression — 
 Thrones, dominations, princedoms, virtues, powers ; 
 
 and in Book 1. 261, this powerful passage put in the mouth of 
 Satan : — 
 
 Here we may reign secure, and in my choice 
 To reign is worth ambition, though in Hell ; 
 Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven. 
 
 In Stafford's Niobe, printed when Milton was in his 
 cradle, (1611,) is the following : — 
 
 True it is, sir, (said the Devil,) that I, storming at the name of supremacy, 
 sought to depose my Creator ; which the watchful, all-seeing eye of Pro- 
 vidence finding, degraded me of my angelic dignities — dispossessed me of 
 all pleasures ; and the seraphs and cherubs, the Throne, Dominations, Virtues, 
 Powers, Princedoms, Arch Angels, and all the Celestial Hierarchy, with a 
 shout of applause, sung my departure out of Heaven. My alleluia was 
 turned into an eheu. Now, forasmuch as I was an Angel of Light, it was 
 the will of Wisdom to confine me to Darkness and make me Prince thereof. 
 So that I, that could not obey in Heaven, might command in Hell ; and, 
 believe me, I had rather ride within my dark domain than to re-inhabit Ccelum 
 empyream, and there live in subjection under check, a slave of the Most High. 
 
 Caesar said he would rather be the first man in a village 
 than the second man in Rome. 
 
 A fellow-feeling makes one wondrous kind. — Garrick. 
 
 I would help others out of a fellow-feeling. — Burton : Anat. of MeL 
 
 Non ignara mali, miseris succurrere disco. — Virgil : JEn. I. 
 
 And learn the luxury of doing good. — Goldsmith : Traveller. 
 For all their luxury was doing good. — Garth : Claremont. 
 He tried the luxury of doing good. — Crabbe : Tales 
 
670 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 The cups that cheer hut not inebriate. — Cowper : Winter Evening. 
 Tar water is of a nature so mild and benign, and proportioned to the 
 human constitution, as to warm without heating, to cheer but not inebriate. 
 — Bishop Berkeley: Siris. 
 
 The dome of thought, the palace of the soul. — Byron : Ghilde Harold. 
 
 Tea does our fancy aid, 
 Repress those vapors which the head invade, 
 And keeps the palace of the soul. — Waller : On Tea. 
 
 None knew thee but to love thee. — Halleck : On Drake. 
 To know her was to love her. — Rogers : Jacqueline. 
 
 Sullen, like lamps in sepulchres, your shine 
 Enlightens but yourselves. — Blair : Grave. 
 Dim lights of life, that burn a length of years, 
 Useless, unseen, as lamps in sepulchres. 
 
 Pope : Elegy on an Unfortunate Lady. 
 
 The curfew tolls the knell of parting day. — Gray : Elegy. 
 
 And pilgrim, newly on his road, with love 
 
 Thrills, if he hear the vesper bell from far, 
 
 That seems to mourn for the expiring day. — Dante, Cary'a Trana. 
 
 Even in our ashes live their wonted fires. — Gray : Elegy. 
 Yet in our ashen cold is fire yrecken. — Chaucer. 
 
 'Eao-ar nSrj yfj KctXvtidfjvai vtKp6vg, 
 BOtv 6' ticaaTOv tig rd $rjv d<piKCTO 
 ivravff drreXQeip- IINETMA ixlv npd s 'AIOEPA 
 to awfxa 6' €ig THN. — Euripides : Supplices. 
 (Let the dead be concealed in the earth, whence each one came forth into 
 
 being, to return thence again — the spirit to the spirit's source, but the 
 
 body to the earth.) 
 
 The resemblance between the above and the beautiful ex- 
 pression in the " Preacher's" homily is very remarkable:- — 
 
 Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was, and the spirit shall 
 return unto God who gave it. — Eccles. xii. 7. 
 
 'E7ra/<£pot, Tl S£ Tig f Tl S OV Tiff f 
 HkiSs Svap avOpamoi. — PiNDAR. 
 
 (Things of a day ! What is any one? What ia he not? Men are the 
 dream of a shadow.) 
 
 Man's life is but a dream — nay, less than so, 
 A Bhadow of a dream. — Sir John Davies. 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 671 
 
 Where highest woods, imponetrahle 
 To sun or starlight, spread their umbrage broad 
 And brown as evening. — Milton. 
 The shades of eve come slowly down, 
 
 The woods are wrapped in deeper brown. — Scott: Lady of the Lake. 
 The term brown, applied to the evening shade, is derived 
 from the Italian, the expression "fa Vimbruno" being com- 
 monly used in Italy to denote the approach of evening. 
 
 'Tis the sunset of life gives me mystical lore j 
 And coming events cast their shadows before. 
 
 Campbell: LochieVs Warning. 
 Poets are the hierophants of an unapprehended inspiration ; the mirrors of 
 the gigantic shadows which futurity casta upon the present. — Shelley : Defence 
 of Poetry. 
 
 A similar form of expression occurs in Paul's Epistle to the 
 Hebrews, x. 1. 
 
 The wolfs long howl by Oonalaska's shore. 
 
 Campbell: Pleasures of Hope. 
 Stolen from a line in an obscure poem called the Sentimental 
 Sailor : — 
 
 The screaming eagle's shriek that echoes wild, 
 The wolfs long howl in dismal concert joined, &o. 
 
 Perhaps in some lone, dreary, desert tower 
 
 That Time had spared, forth from the window looks, 
 
 Half hid in grass, the solitary fox f 
 
 While from above, the owl, musician dire, 
 
 Screams hideous, harsh, and grating to the ear. 
 
 Bruce : Loch Leven. 
 In the Fragments attributed to Ossian by Baron de Harold, 
 Fingal paints the following beautiful word-picture : — 
 
 I have seen the walls of Balclutha, but they are desolate : the flames had 
 resounded in the halls, and the voice of the people is heard no more ; the 
 stream of Cutha was removed from its place by the fall of the walls ; the 
 thistle shoots there its lowly head; the moss whistled to the winds; the fox 
 looked out of the windows, and the rank grass of the walk waved round his 
 head; desolate is the dwelling of Morna : silence is in the house of her fathers. 
 And again : — 
 
 The dreary night owl screams in the solitary retreat of his mouldering ivy- 
 Covered tower. — Larnul, the Song of Despair. 
 
672 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 The Persian poet quoted by Gibbon also says, — 
 
 The spider hath hung with tapestry the palace of the Caesars; the owl 
 singeth her sentinel-song in the watch-towers of Afrasiab. — Firdousi. 
 
 Tell us, ye dead; will none of you in pity. 
 
 Disclose the secret 
 
 What 'tis you are, and we must shortly be ? — Blair : Gravt. 
 The dead ! the much-loved dead ! 
 
 Who doth not yearn to know 
 The secret of their dwelling-place, 
 
 And to what land they go ? 
 What heart but asks, with ceaseless tone, 
 For some sure knowledge of its own ? — Mary E. Lee. 
 
 Drawing near her death, she sent most pious thoughts as harbingers to 
 heaven; and her soul saw a glimpse of happiness through the chinks of her 
 sickness-broken body. — Fuller. 
 
 The soul's dark cottage, battered and decayed, 
 
 Lets in new light through chinks that time has made. 
 
 Stronger by weakness, wiser, men become, 
 
 As they draw near to their eternal home. — Waller : Divine Poesir, 
 
 Oh ! let no mass be sung, 
 
 No ritual read ; 
 In silence lay me down 
 
 Among the dead. — Heine : Memento Mori. 
 
 The great German poet was evidently familiar with Horace : — 
 Absint inani funere naeniae, 
 Luctusque turpes et querimoniae ; 
 Compesce clamorem, ac sepulchri 
 Mitte supervacuos honores. — Lib. II. Carmen 20. 
 
 I am old and blind ; 
 Men point at me as smitten by God's frown ; 
 Afflicted and deserted of my kind : — 
 
 Yet am I not cast down. 
 
 I am weak, yet strong ; 
 I murmur not that I no longer see ; 
 Poor, old, and helpless, I the more belong, 
 
 Father Supreme, to Thee J 
 
 merciful One ! 
 When men are farthest, then art Thou most near ; 
 When friends pass by — my weaknesses to shun — 
 
 Thy chariot I hear. 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES 673 
 
 Thy glorious face 
 Is leaning toward me, and its holy light 
 Shines in upon my lonely dwelling-place, 
 
 And there is no more night. 
 
 On my hended knee 
 I recognize Thy purpose clearly shown; 
 My vision Thou hast dimmed that I may see 
 
 Thyself, Thyself alone. 
 
 I have naught to fear! 
 This darkness is the shadow of Thy wing : 
 Beneath it I am almost sacred, — here 
 
 Can come no evil thing, <fcc. — Elizabeth Lloyd. 
 
 The resemblance of these lines to the following passage from 
 Milton's Second Defence of the People of England is so 
 striking that we are inclined to regard them as a paraphrase : — 
 
 Let me then be the most feeble creature alive, so long as that feebleness 
 serves to invigorate the energies of my rational and immortal spirit, so long 
 as in that obscurity in which I am enveloped the light of Divine Presence 
 more clearly shines. Then in proportion as I am weak, I shall be invincibly 
 strong; and in proportion as I am blind, I shall more clearly see. Oh that I 
 may thus be perfected by feebleness, and irradiated by obscurity ! And in- 
 deed in my blindness I enjoy in no inconsiderable degree the favor of the 
 Deity, who regards me with more tenderness and compassion in proportion 
 as I am able to behold nothing but himself. Alas for him who insults me, 
 who maligna and merits public execration ! For the divine law not only 
 shields me from injury, but almost renders me too sacred to attack, — not 
 indeed so much from the privation of my sight, as from the overshadowing 
 of those heavenly wings which seem to have occasioned this obscurity, and 
 which, when occasioned, he is wont to illuminate with an interior light 
 more precious and more pure. 
 
 In Keble's lines for " St. John's Day" occurs this stanza : — 
 
 Sick or healthful, slave or free, 
 
 Wealthy or despised and poor, 
 What is that to him or thee, 
 
 So his love to Christ endure ? 
 When the shore is won at last, 
 Who will count the billows past? 
 
 The first four lines resemble a stanza of Wither, one of the 
 Roundhead poets (1632): — 
 
 2S ♦ 57 
 
674 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 Whether thralled or exiled, 
 
 Whether poor or rich thou be, 
 Whether praised or reviled, 
 
 •Not a rush it is to thee : 
 This nor that thy rest doth win thee. 
 But the mind that is within thee. 
 
 And the last two lines recall Robert Burns, who had said in 
 his song commencing Contented wi little, and cantie wimair: — 
 
 When at the blithe end of our journey at last, 
 Wha the deil ever thinks o' the road he has passed ? 
 
 Two centuries before Burns, Tasso said in his Gerusalemme 
 Liberata (iii. 4) : — 
 
 Cosi di naviganti, etc. 
 
 . . . e l'uno all 'altro il mostra e intanto oblia 
 
 La noja e il mal della passata via. 
 
 Or as Fairfax renders it : — 
 
 As when a troop of jolly sailors row, etc. 
 And each to other show the land in haste, 
 Forgetting quite their pains and perils past. 
 
 And before dismissing " the billows past," it is worth while 
 to quote the following passage from Spenser's Faery Queene 
 (I. 9. 40):_ 
 
 What if some little pain the passage have 
 
 That makes frail flesh to fear the bitter wave ? 
 
 Is not short pain well borne that brings long ease, 
 
 And lays the soul to sleep in quiet grave ? 
 
 Sleep after toil, port after stormy seas, 
 
 Ease after war, death after life, does greatly please. 
 
 Lucretius says : — 
 
 At jam non domus accipiet te laeta; neque uxor 
 Optima, nee dulces occurrent oscula nati 
 Prseripere, et tacita pectus dulcedine tangent. 
 
 (No longer shall thy joyous home receive thee, nor yet thy best of wives, 
 nor shall thy sweet children run to be tho first to snatch thy kisses and 
 thrill thy breast with silent delight.) 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 675 
 
 Compare Gray's Elegy: — 
 
 For them no more the blazing hearth shall burn, 
 
 Or busy housewife ply her evening care: 
 No children run to lisp their sire's return, 
 
 Or climb his knees the envied kiss to share. 
 
 And Thomson's Seasons (Winter): — 
 
 j In vain for him th' officious wife prepares 
 
 The fire fair-blazing, and the vestment warm; 
 In vain his little children, peeping out 
 Into the mingled storm, demand their sire, 
 With tears of artless innocence. Alas ! 
 Nor wife, nor children, more shall he behold, 
 Nor friends, nor sacred home. 
 
 The famous speech of Wolsey after his fall — 
 
 Had I but served my God with half the zeal 
 I served my king, he would not in mine age 
 Have left me naked to mine enemies. — 
 
 Henry VIII., iii. 2. 
 
 finds a counterpart in a satire of the Persian poet Ferdousi on 
 the Arabian impostor : — 
 
 Had I but written as many verses in praise of Mahomet and Allah, they 
 would have showered a hundred blessings on me. 
 
 It also finds a parallel in a passage from Ockley's History 
 of the Saracens — an. Hegira 54, A. D. 673 — 
 
 This year Moawiyah deposed Samrah, deputy over Basorah. As soon as 
 Samrah heard this news, he said— " God, curse Moawiyah. If I had served 
 God so well as I have served him, he would never have damned me to all 
 eternity." 
 
 Our hearts 
 
 -are beating. — 
 
 Funeral marches to the grave. — 
 
 Longfellow, Psalm of Life. 
 Our lives are but our marches to our graves. — 
 
 Beaumont and Fletcher, Humorous Lieutenant. 
 
 Next these learned Johnson in this list I bring, 
 
 Who had drunk deep of the Pierian spring.— Drayton. 
 
676 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 A little learning is a dangerous thing, 
 
 Drink deep or taste not the Pierian spring. — Pope. 
 
 Socrates said to some Sophists, who pretended to know every- 
 thing, "As for me, all I know is that I know nothing." 
 
 Owen Feltham, in his Resolves ( Curiosity in Knowledge) 
 remarks : — 
 
 Our knowledge doth but show us our ignorance. Our most studious 
 scrutiny is but a discovery of what we cannot know. 
 
 Yoltaire, in the Histoire oVun bon Bramin says :— - 
 
 Le Bramin me dit un jour : Je voudrais n'etre jamais ne. Je lui de- 
 mandai pourquoi. II me rcpondit : J'etudie depuis quarante ans; ce sont 
 quarante annees de perdues; j'enseigne les autres, et j'ignore tout. 
 
 These lines will remind the reader of the opening soliloquy 
 of Faust in Goethe's immortal tragedy. Bayard Taylor's trans- 
 lation commences as follows : — 
 
 I've studied now Philosophy 
 
 And Jurisprudence, Medicine, — 
 
 And even, alas! Theology, — 
 
 From end to end, with labor keen; 
 
 And here, poor fool ! with all my lore 
 
 I stand, no wiser than before: 
 
 I'm Magister — yea, Doctor — hight, 
 
 And straight or cross-wise, wrong or right, 
 
 These ten years long, with many woes, 
 
 I've led my scholars by the nose, — 
 
 And see, that nothing can be known ! 
 
 In The Last Days of Pompeii (ch. v.) Glaucus, the Athe- 
 nian, is made to say : — 
 
 "I am as one who is left alone at a banquet, the lights dead, and the 
 flowers faded." 
 
 Of course, Bulwer Lytton was familiar with Oft in the 
 Stilly Night, which Moore had written twenty years before : — 
 
 I feel like one who treads alone 
 
 Some banquet hall deserted, 
 Whose lights are fled, whose garlands dead, 
 
 And all but he departed. 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 677 ' 
 
 Dr. Johnson said that " no one does anything for the last time 
 (knowingly) but with regret." 
 
 In Bishop Hall's Holy Observations (xxvij) is this passage : — 
 
 "Nothing is more absurd than that Epicurean resolution, 'Let us eat 
 and drink, to-morrow we die'; as if we were made only for the paunch, and 
 lived that we might live. Yet has there never any natural man found savour 
 in that meat which he knew should be his last ; whereas they should say: 
 Let us fast and pray, for to-morrow we shall die." 
 
 SHAKSPEREAN RESEMBLANCES. 
 
 Ah ! that deceit should steal such gentle shapes, 
 And, with a virtuous vizor, hide deep vice. 
 
 Richard III., ii. 2. 
 Oh ! what authority and show of truth 
 Can cunning sin cover itself withal. 
 
 Much Ado About Nothing, iv. 1. 
 There is no vice so simple but assumes 
 Some mark of virtue on his outward parts. 
 
 Merchant of Venice, iii. 2. 
 Seems he a dove? his feathers are but borrowed; 
 Is he a lamb ? his skin is surely lent him, 
 Who cannot steal a shape that means deceit ? 
 
 Henry VI., P. II., iii. 1. 
 
 BOLD PLAGIARISM. 
 
 Charles Reade, in The Wandering Heir reproduces Swift's 
 Journal of a Modern Lady in a singular manner. Compare 
 them. Reade says : — 
 
 "Mistress Anne Gregory held bad cards; she had to pawn ring after 
 ring — for these ladies, being well acquainted with each other, never played 
 on parole — and she kept bemoaning her bad luck. 'Betty, I knew how 
 'twould be. The parson called to-day. This odious chair, why will you 
 stick me in it? Stand farther, girl, I always lose when you look on/ 
 Mrs. Betty tossed her head, and went behind another lady. Miss Gregory 
 still lost, and had to pawn her snuff box to Lady Dace. She consoled 
 herself by an insinuation : ' My Lady you touched your wedding-ring. 
 That was a sign to your partner here.' 
 
 "'Nay Madam, 'twas but a sign my finger itched. But, if you go to 
 that, you spoke a word began with H. Then she knew you had the king 
 of hearts.' 
 
 57* 
 
678 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 "'That is like Miss here/ said another matron; 'she rubs her chair when 
 she hath matadore in hand.' 
 
 " ' Set a thief to catch a thief, Madam/ was Miss's ingenious and polished 
 reply. 
 
 "'Heyday!' cries one, 'Here spadillo got a mark on the back; a child 
 might know it in the dark. Mistress Pigot, I wish you'd be pleased to pare 
 your nails.' 
 
 "In short, they said things to each other all night, the slightest of which, 
 among men, would have filled Phoenix Park next morning with draw*n 
 swords; but it went for little here; they were all cheats, and knew it, and 
 knew the others knew it, and didn't care. 
 
 " It was four o'clock before they broke up, huddled on their cloaks and 
 hoods, and their chairs took them home with cold feet and aching heads." 
 
 Swift 
 
 This morning when the parson came, 
 I said I should not win a game, 
 This odious chair, how came I stuck in't? 
 I think I never had good luck in't. 
 I'm so uneasy in my stays; 
 Your fan a moment, if you please. 
 Stand further, girl, or get you gone; 
 I always lose when you look on.' 
 
 "'I saw you touch your wedding-ring 
 Before my lady called a king; 
 You spoke a word began with H, 
 And I know whom you mean to teach 
 Because you held the king of hearts, 
 Fie, Madam, leave these little arts.' 
 ' That's not so bad as one that rubs 
 Her chair to call the king of clubs, 
 And makes her partner understand 
 A matador is in her hand.' 
 'And truly, madam, I know when, 
 Instead of five, you scored me ten. 
 Spadillo here has got a mark, 
 A child may know it in the dark. 
 I guessed the hand : It seldom fails. 
 I wish some folks would pare their nails/ 
 
 ******* 
 
 "At last they hear the watchman's knock: 
 'A frosty morn — past four o'clock.' 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 679 
 
 The chairmen are not to be found — 
 
 ' Come let us play the other round.' 
 
 Now all in haste they huddle on 
 
 Their hoods, their cloaks and get them gone." 
 
 HISTORICAL SIMILITUDES. 
 
 In Motley's Rise of the Dutch Republic is narrated the fol- 
 lowing incident: — 
 
 A bishop's indiscretion, however, neutralized the apostolic 
 blows of the major (Charles the Hammer). The pagan Radbod 
 had already immersed one of his royal legs in the baptismal 
 font when a thought struck him. « Where are my dead fore- 
 fathers at present?" he said, turning suddenly upon Bishop 
 Wolfrau. "In hell, with all other unbelievers," was the im- 
 prudent answer. " Mighty well," replied Radbod, removing his 
 leg; "then will I rather feast with my ancestors in the halls 
 of Woden than dwell with your little starveling band of 
 Christians in heaven." Entreaties and threats were unavailing. 
 The Frisian declined positively a rite which was to cause an 
 eternal separation from his buried kindred, and he died as he 
 had lived, a heathen. 
 
 Kingsley, in his Hypatia, in completing the history of the 
 Goth Wulf, after his settlement in Spain, writes as follows : — 
 , Wulf died as he had lived, a heathen. Placidia, who loved 
 him well— as she loved all righteous and noble souls— had suc- 
 ceeded once in persuading him to accept baptism. Adolf him- 
 self acted as one of his sponsors; and the old warrior was in 
 the act of stepping into the font, when he turned suddenly to 
 the bishop and asked, " Where were the souls of his heathen 
 ancestors?" " In hell," replied the worthy prelate. Wulf drew 
 back from the font, and threw his bear-skin cloak around him. 
 ... He would prefer, if Adolf had no objection, to go to his 
 own people. And so he died unbaptized, and went to his own. 
 
680 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 This has suggested the query whether Mr. Kingsley uses his 
 privilege as a novelist to make a distant historical event sub- 
 serve the purposes of fiction, or whether this curious incident 
 occurred. 
 
 But Francis Parkman in his Jesuits in North America in 
 the Seventeenth Century, notes a corresponding unwillingness 
 on the part of the Indians to separate from their own kindred 
 and people: — 
 
 The body cared for, he next addressed himself to the soul. 
 "This life is short and very miserable. It matters little whether 
 we live or die." The patient remained silent, or grumbled his 
 dissent. The Jesuit, after enlarging for a time in broken Huron 
 on the brevity and nothingness of mortal weal or woe, passed 
 next to the joys of heaven and the pains of hell, which he set 
 forth with his best rhetoric. His pictures of infernal fires and 
 torturing devils were readily comprehended, if the listener had 
 consciousness enough to comprehend anything ; but with respect 
 to the advantages of the French paradise he was slow of con- 
 viction. " I wish to go where my relations and ancestors have 
 gone," was a common reply. "Heaven is a good place for 
 Frenchmen," said another; "but I wish to be among Indians, 
 for the French will give me nothing to eat when I get there." 
 Often the patient was stolidly silent ; sometimes he was hope- 
 lessly perverse and contradictory. Again nature triumphed over 
 grace. "Which will you choose," demanded the priest of a 
 dying woman, "heaven or hell?" "Hell, if my children are 
 there, as you say," returned the mother. "Do they hunt in 
 heaven, or make war, or go to feasts?" asked an anxious in- 
 quirer. "Oh, no!" replied the father. "Then," returned the 
 querist, "I will not go. It is not good to be lazy." But above 
 all other obstacles was the dread of starvation in the regions 
 of the blest. Nor when the dying Indian had been induced at 
 last to express a desire for Paradise was it an easy matter to 
 bring him to a due contrition for his sins ; for he would deny 
 with indignation that he had ever committed any. When at 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 681 
 
 length, as sometimes happened, all these difficulties gave way, 
 and the patient had heen brought to what seemed to his in- 
 structor a fitting frame for baptism, the priest, with contentment 
 at his heart, brought water in a cup or in the hollow of his hand, 
 touched his forehead with the mystic drop, and snatched him 
 from an eternity of woe. But the convert, even after his baptism, 
 did not always manifest a satisfactory spiritual condition. " Why 
 did you baptize that Iroquois ? " asked one of the dying neo- 
 phytes, speaking of the prisoner recently tortured ; " he will 
 get to heaven before us, and, when he sees us coming, he will 
 drive us out." 
 
 HISTORY REPEATING ITSELF. 
 
 Herodotus tells us (Book III. 118) that after the conspirator 
 Intaphernes and his family had been imprisoned and held for 
 execution by order of Darius, the wife of the condemned man 
 constantly presented herself before the royal palace exhibiting 
 every demonstration of grief. As she regularly continued this 
 conduct, her frequent appearance at length excited the com- 
 passion of Darius, who thus addressed her by a messenger: 
 " Woman, King Darius offers you the liberty of any individual of 
 your family whom you may most desire to preserve." After some 
 deliberation with herself she made this reply : " If the king 
 will grant me the life of any one of my family, I choose my 
 brother in preference to the rest." Her determination greatly 
 astonished the king ; he sent to her therefore a second message 
 to this effect : " The king desires to know why you have thought 
 proper to pass over your children and your husband, and to 
 preserve your brother, who is certainly a more remote connection 
 than your children, and cannot be so dear to you as your hus- 
 band." She answered: " king! if it please the deity, I may 
 have another husband; and if I be deprived of these I may have 
 other children; but as my parents are both dead, it is certain 
 that I can have no other brother." The answer appeared to 
 Darius very judicious; indeed he was so well pleased with it 
 
682 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 that he not only gave the woman the life of her brother, but 
 also pardoned her eldest son. 
 
 A passage in the Antigone of Sophocles embodies the same 
 singular sentiment. Creon forbade the rites of sepulture to 
 Polynices, after the duel with his brother Eteocles, in which 
 they were mutually slain, and decreed immediate death to any 
 one who should dare to bury him. Antigone, their sister, was 
 detected in the act of burial, and was condemned to be buried 
 alive for her pious care. In her dangerous situation she goes 
 on to say : — 
 
 And thus, my Polynices, for my care 
 Of thee, I am rewarded, and the good 
 Alone shall praise me ; for a husband dead, 
 Nor, had I been a mother, for my children 
 Would I have dared to violate the laws — 
 Another husband and another child 
 Might sooth affliction j but, my parents dead, 
 A brother's loss could never be repaired. 
 
 A story of analogous character told by an oriental to Miss 
 Rogers, is related in her book Domestic Life in Palestine, as 
 follows: — 
 
 When Ibrahim Pasha, the son of Mahomet AH, ruled in 
 Palestine, he sent men into all the towns and villages to gather 
 together a large army. Then a certain woman of Serfurich sought 
 Ibrahim Pasha at Akka, and came into his presence bowing 
 herself before him, and said: "0 my lord, look with pity on 
 thy servant, and hear my prayer. A little while ago there were 
 three men in my house, my husband, my brother, and my eldest 
 son. But now behold, they have been carried away to serve in 
 your army, and I am left with my little ones without a protector. 
 I pray you grant liberty to one of theee men, that he may remain 
 at home." And Ibrahim had pity on her and said: "0 woman, 
 do you ask for your husband, for your son, or for your brother?" 
 And she said: "Oh, my lord, give me my brother." And he 
 answered: "How is this, woman, do you prefer a brother 
 to a husband or a son?" The woman, who was renowned for 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 683 
 
 her wit and readiness of speech, replied in a blank verse 
 impromptu : — 
 
 "If it be God's will that my husband perish in your service, 
 I am still a woman, and God may lead me to another husband : 
 If on the battle-field my first-born son should fall, 
 I have still my younger ones, who will in God's time be like unto him. 
 But oh ! my lord, if my only brother should be slain, 
 I am without remedy — for my father is dead and my mother is old, 
 And where should I look for another brother?" 
 
 And Ibrahim was much pleased with the words of the woman, 
 and said: "O, woman, happy above many is thy brother; he 
 shall be free for thy word's sake, and thy husband and thy son 
 shall be free also." Then the woman could not speak for joy 
 and gladness. And Ibrahim said: "Go in peace; let it not be 
 known that I have spoken with you this day." Then she rose, 
 and went her way to her village, trusting in the promise of the 
 Pasha. After three days, her husband, and son, and brother 
 returned unto her, saying : " We are free from service by order 
 of the Pasha, but this matter is a mystery to us." And all 
 the neighbors marvelled greatly. But the woman held her 
 peace, and, this story did not become known until Ibrahim's 
 departure from Akka, after the overthrow of the Egyptian 
 goverment in Syria, in 1840. 
 
 What the husband and the son thought of wifely and 
 motherly affection when the mystery of their deliverance was 
 cleared up, is not reported. 
 
 THE TWO STATESMEN. 
 . Hume says {History of England) : — 
 
 A little before he (Wolsey) expired (28th November, 1530) 
 he addressed himself in the following words to Sir William 
 Kingston, Constable of the Tower, who had him in custody: 
 "I pray you have me heartily recommended unto his royal 
 majesty (Henry VIII.), and beseech him on my behalf to call 
 to his remembrance all matters that have passed between us 
 
684 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 especially with regard to his business with the queen, and then 
 will he know in his conscience whether I have offended him. 
 He is a prince of a most royal carriage, and hath a princely 
 heart ; and rather than he will miss or want any part of his 
 will, he will endanger the one half of his kingdom. I do assure 
 you that I have often kneeled before him, sometimes three 
 hours together, to persuade him from his will and appetite, but 
 could not prevail : had I but served God as diligently as I have 
 served the king, he would not have given me over in my grey 
 hairs. But this is the just reward I must receive for my in- 
 dulgent pains and study, not regarding my service to God but 
 only to my prince." 
 
 Holinshead says in his famous old Chronicles : — 
 This year (1540), in the month of August, Sir James 
 Hamilton of Finbert, Knight, Controller to the King (James V- 
 of Scotland), who charged him in the king's name to go 
 toward within the castel of Edinburgh, which commandment 
 he willingly obeyed, thinking himself sure enough, as well by 
 reason of the good service he had done to the king, specially 
 in repairing the palaces of Striviling and Linlithgow, as also 
 that the king had him in so high favour, that he stood in no 
 fear of himself at all. Nevertheless, shortlie after he was 
 brought forth to judgement, and convicted in the Tolboth of 
 Edinburgh, of certain points of treason, laid against him, 
 which he would never confesse ; but that notwithstanding, he 
 was beheaded in the month of September next insuing, after 
 that he had liberallie confessed at the place of execution, that 
 he had never in any jot offended the king's majesty; and that 
 his death was yet worthilie inflicted upon him by the Divine 
 justice, because he had often offended the law of God to please 
 the prince, thereby to obtain greater countenance with him. 
 Wherefore he admonished all persons, that moved by his ex- 
 ample, they should rather follow the Divine pleasure than 
 unjustlie seek the king's favour, since it is better to please God 
 than man. 
 
HISTORICAL SIMILITUDES. 685 
 
 THE JUDGMENT OF SOLOMON. 
 
 Several parallels to Solomon's judgment, I. Kings iii. 16-28, 
 are recorded. One occurs in Gesta Romanorum. Three youths, 
 to decide a question, are desired by their referee, the King of 
 Jerusalem, to shoot at their father's dead body. One only 
 refuses ; and to him, as the rightful heir, the legacy is awarded. 
 
 In the Harleian MS., 4523, we are told of a woman of Pegu, 
 a province of Burmah, whose child was carried away by an 
 alligator. Upon its restoration another woman claimed the child. 
 The judge ordered them to pull for it; the infant cried, and one 
 instantly quit her hold, to whom the child was awarded. 
 
 The same story, substantially, is told in the Pali commentary 
 on the discourses of Buddha, translated by Rev. B. S. Hardy, 
 
 as follows : — 
 
 A woman who was going to bathe, left her child to play on the banks 
 of a tank, when a female who was passing that way carried it off. They 
 both appeared before Buddha, and each declared the child was her own. 
 The command was therefore given that each claimant should seize the 
 infant by a leg and an arm, and pull with all her might in opposite directions. 
 No sooner had they commenced than the child began to scream; when the 
 real mother, from pity, left off pulling, and resigned her claim to the other. 
 The judge therefore decided that, as she only had shown true affection, 
 the child must be hers. 
 
 Suetonius tell us that the Emperor Claudius, when a woman 
 refused to acknowledge her son, ordered them to be married. 
 The mother confessed her child at once. 
 
 PRECEDENCY. 
 
 The Emperor Charles V. was appealed to, by two women of 
 fashion at Brussels, to settle the point of precedency between 
 them, the dispute respecting which had been carried to the great- 
 est height. Charles, after affecting to consider what each lady 
 had to say, decided that the greater simpleton of the two should 
 have the pas; in consequence of which judgment the ladies 
 became equally ready to concede the privilege each had claimed. 
 Napoleon, on the occurrence of a similar difficulty at a Court 
 ball supper, based his decision on the question of age. Mr. Hey, 
 of Leeds, at a dinner-party of gentlemen, made merit the test. 
 
 58 
 
686 HISTORICAL SIMILITUDES. 
 
 - THE LEGEND OF BETH GELERT. 
 
 In F. Johnson's translation from the Sanscrit, occurs the 
 following passage : — 
 
 In Ougein lived a Brahman named Madhava. His wife, of the 
 Brahmanical tribe, who had recently brought forth, went to per- 
 form her ablutions, leaving him to take charge of her infant off- 
 spring. Presently a person from the Kaja came for the Brahman 
 to perform for him a Parrana s'raddha (a religious rite to all his 
 ancestors.) When the Brahman saw him, being impelled by 
 his natural poverty, he thought within himself: If I go not 
 directly, then some one else will take the s'raddha. It is said: — 
 
 "In respect of a thing which ought to he taken, or to he given, or of 
 a work which ought to be done, and not being done quickly, time drinks up 
 the spirit thereof." 
 
 But there is no one here to take care of the child : what can 
 I do then ? Well : I will go, having set to guard the infant 
 this weasel, cherished a long time, and in no respect distin- 
 guished from a child of my own. This he did and went. 
 Shortly afterwards, a black serpent, whilst silently coming near 
 the child, was killed there, and rent into pieces by the weasel ; 
 who, seeing the Brahman coming home, ran towards him with 
 haste, his mouth and paws all smeared with blood, and rolled him- 
 self at his feet. The Brahman seeing him in that state, without 
 reflecting, said, " My son has been eaten by this weasel," and 
 killed him : but as soon as he drew near and looked, behold the 
 child was comfortably sleeping, and the serpent lay killed! 
 Thereupon the Brahman was overwhelmed with grief. 
 
 This fable was introduced to give point to the moral : — The 
 fool who, without knowing the true state of the case, becomes 
 subject to anger, will find cause for regret. Its similarity to the 
 well-known Welsh legend is so remarkable that we append 
 Spencer's touching ballad. 
 
 The spearman heard the bugle sound, 
 
 And cheerily smiled the morn ; 
 And many a brach, and many a hound 
 
 Attend Llewellyn's horn : 
 
HISTORICAL SIMILITUDES. 687 
 
 And still he blew a louder blast, 
 
 And gave a louder cheer: 
 u Come, Gelert ! why art thou the last 
 
 Llewellyn's horn to hear ? 
 
 "Oh! where does faithful Gelert roam? 
 
 The flower of all his race ! 
 So true, so brave ; a lamb at home, 
 
 A lion in the chase I" 
 
 In sooth he was a peerless hound, 
 
 The gift of royal John j 
 But now no Gelert could be found 
 
 And all the chase rode on. 
 
 And now, as over rocks and dells 
 
 The gallant chidings rise, 
 All Snowdon's craggy chaos yells 
 
 With many mingled cries. 
 
 That day Llewellyn little loved 
 
 The chase of hart or hare ; 
 And small and scant the booty proved, 
 
 For Gelert was not there. 
 
 Unpleased, Llewellyn homeward hied, 
 
 When, near the portal-seat, 
 His truant Gelert he espied, 
 
 Bounding his lord to greet. 
 
 But when he gain'd the castle door, 
 
 Aghast the chieftain stood ; 
 The hound was smear'd with gouts of gore, 
 
 His lips and fangs ran blood ! 
 
 Llewellyn gazed with wild surprise, 
 
 Unused such looks to meet : 
 His favorite checked his joyful guise. 
 
 And crouch'd and lick'd his feet. 
 Onward in haste Llewellyn passed — 
 
 And on went Gelert too — 
 And still, where'er his eyes were cast, 
 
 Fresh blood-gouts shock'd his view ! 
 
 O'erturn'd his infant's bed, he found 
 
 The blood-stain'd covert rent ; 
 And all around, the walls and ground 
 
 With recent blood besprent. 
 
 He called his child — no voice replied ,• 
 He search'd — with terror wild; 
 
HISTORICAL SIMILITUDES. 
 
 Blood ! blood ! he found on every side, 
 
 But nowhere found the child ! 
 Hell-hound ! by thee my child's devoured !" 
 
 The frantic father cried ; 
 And to the hilt the vengeful sword 
 
 He plunged in Gelert's side ! 
 His suppliant, as to earth he fell, 
 
 No pity could impart; 
 But still his Gelert's dying yell 
 
 Pass'd heavy o'er his heart. 
 
 Aroused by Gelert's dying yell, 
 
 Some slumberer waken'd nigh : 
 What words the parent's joy can tell, 
 
 To hear his infant cry ! 
 Conceal'd beneath a mangled heap, 
 
 His hurried search had miss'd, 
 All glowing from his rosy sleep, 
 
 His cherub-boy he kiss'd. 
 
 Nor scratch had he, nor harm, nor dread- 
 But, the same couch beneath, 
 
 Lay a great wolf, all torn and dead 
 Tremendous still in death ! 
 
 Oh ! what was then Llewellyn's woej 
 
 For now the truth was clear : 
 The gallant hound the wolf had slain, 
 
 To save Llewellyn's heir. 
 
 Vain, vain was all Llewellyn's woe j 
 
 "Best of thy kind adieu ! 
 The frantic deed which laid thee low, 
 
 This heart shall ever rue !" 
 
 And now a gallant tomb they raise, 
 
 With costly sculpture deck'd ; 
 And marbles storied with his praise, 
 
 Poor Gelert's bones protect. 
 
 Here never could the spearman pass, 
 
 Or forester unmoved ; 
 Here oft the tear-besprinkled grass, 
 
 Llewellyn's sorrow proved. 
 
 And here he hung his horn and spear; 
 
 And, oft as evening fell, 
 In fancy's piercing sounds would hear 
 
 Poor Gelert's dying yell! 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 689 
 
 ART STORIES. 
 
 Art has parallel stories .of a tragic nature. In the 
 
 Chapel proud 
 Where Roslin's chiefs uncoffined lie, 
 Each baron, for a sable shroud, 
 Sheathed in his iron panoply, 
 
 stands an exquisite example of Gothic tracery-work, known as 
 the Apprentice's Pillar, neighbored by corbels carved with grim, 
 grotesque human faces. How it came by its name may best be 
 told as the old dame who acted as cicerone at the beginning of 
 the present century used to tell it. 
 
 " There ye see it, gentlemen, with the lace-bands winding sae 
 beautifully roond aboot it. The maister had gane awa to Home 
 to get a plan for it, and while he was awa, his 'prentice made a 
 plan himsel, and finished it. And when the maister cam back 
 and fand the pillar finished, he was sae enraged that he took a 
 hammer and killed the 'prentice. There you see the 'prentice's 
 face — up there in ae corner wi' a red gash in the brow, and his 
 mother greetin' for him in the corner opposite. And there, in 
 another corner, is the maister, as he lookit just before he was 
 hanged; it's him wi' a kind o' ruff roond his face." 
 
 In the same century that the Prince of Orkney founded the 
 chapel at Roslin, the good people of Stendal employed an archi- 
 tect of repute to build them one new gate, and entrusted the 
 erection of a second to his principal pupil. In this case, too, 
 the aspiring youth proved the better craftsman, and paid the 
 same penalty; the spot whereon he fell beneath his master's 
 hammer being marked to this day by a stone commemorating the 
 event; and the story goes that yet, upon moonlight nights, the 
 ghost of the murdered youth may be seen contemplating the 
 work that brought him to an untimely end, while a weird skeleton 
 beats with a hammer at the stone he wrought into beauty. 
 
 Another stone, at Grossmoringen, close by Stendal, tells where 
 an assistant bell-caster was stabbed by his master because he suc- 
 ceeded in casting a bell, after the latter had failed in the attempt. 
 
 It is a tradition of Rouen that the two rose-windows of its 
 2T 58* 
 
690 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 cathedral were the work of the master-architect and his pupil, 
 who strove which of the two should produce the finer window. 
 Again the man beat the master, and again the master murdered 
 the man in revenge for his triumph. The transept window of 
 Lincoln Cathedral was the product of a similar contest, but in 
 this instance the defeated artist killed himself instead of his 
 successful rival. 
 
 BALLADS AND LEGENDS. 
 
 Scott's ballad of " Wild Darrell " was founded upon a story, 
 first told by Aubrey, but for which the poet was indebted to 
 Lord Webb Seymour. An old midwife sitting over her fire one 
 dark November night was roused by a loud knocking at the 
 door. Upon opening it she saw a horseman, who told her her 
 services were required by a lady of rank, and would be paid for 
 handsomely ; but as there were family reasons why the affair 
 should be kept secret, she must submit to be conducted to her 
 patient blindfolded. She agreed, allowed her eyes to be bandaged, 
 and took her place on the pillion. After a journey of many 
 miles, her conductor stopped, led her into a house, and removed 
 the bandage. The midwife found herself in a handsome bed- 
 chamber, and in presence of a lady and a ferocious-looking man. 
 A boy was born. Snatching it from the woman's arms, the man 
 threw the babe on the blazing fire ; it rolled upon the hearth. 
 Spite of the entreaties of the horrified midwife, and the piteous 
 prayers of the poor mother, the ruflian thrust the child under 
 the grate, and raked the hot coals over it. The innocent ac- 
 complice was then ordered to return whence she came, as she 
 came ; the man who had brought her seeing her home again, 
 and paying her for her pains. 
 
 The woman lost no time in letting a magistrate know what 
 she had seen that November night. She had been sharp enough 
 to cut a piece out of the bedcurtain, and sew it in again, and to 
 count the steps of the long staircase she had ascended and 
 descended. By these means the scene of the infanticide was 
 identified, and the murderer Darrell, Lord of Littlecote House, 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 691 
 
 Berkshire was tried at Salisbury. He escaped the gallows by 
 bribing the judge, only to break his neck in the hunting-field a 
 few months afterwards, at a place still known as DarreH's Stile. 
 Aubrey places Littlecote in Wiltshire, makes the unhappy mother 
 the waiting-maid of Darrell's wife, and concludes his narration 
 thus : " This horrid action did much run in her (the midwife's) 
 mind, and she had a desire to discover it, but knew not where 
 'twas. She considered with herself the time that she was riding, 
 and how many miles she might have ridden at that rate in that 
 time, and that it must be some great person's house, for the room 
 was twelve feet high. She went to a justice of the peace, and 
 search was made — the very chamber found. The knight was 
 brought to his trial; and, to be short, this judge had this noble 
 house, park, and manor, and (I think) more, for a bribe to save 
 his life. Sir John Popham gave sentence according to law, but 
 being a great person and a favorite, he procured & nolle prosequi." 
 In Sir Walter's ballad the midwife becomes a friar of orders 
 gray, compelled to shrive a dying woman, 
 
 A lady as a lily bright, 
 
 With an infant on her arm ; 
 and when 
 
 The shrift is done, the friar is gone, 
 
 Blindfolded as he came — 
 Next morning, all in Littlecote Hall 
 
 Were weeping for their dame. 
 
 It was hardly fair to make Darrell worse than he was, by laying 
 a second murder at his door, merely to give a local habitation 
 and a name to a Scotch tale of murder that might have been an 
 adaptation of the Berkshire tragedy. 
 
 Somewhere about the beginning of the last century, an 
 Edinburgh clergyman was called out of his bed at midnight on 
 the pretext that he was wanted to pray with a person at the 
 point of death. The good man obeyed the summons without 
 hesitation, but wished he had not done so, when, upon his 
 sedan-chair reaching an out-of-the-way part of the city, its 
 bearers insisted upon his being blindfolded, and cut his protes- 
 
692 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 tations short by threatening to blow out his brains if he refused 
 to do their bidding. Like the sensible man he was, he sub- 
 mitted without further parley, and the sedan moved on again. 
 By and by, he felt he was being carried up-stairs : the chair 
 stopped, the clergyman was handed out, his eyes uncovered, 
 and his attention directed to a young and beautiful lady lying 
 in bed with an infant by her side. Not seeing any signs of 
 dying about her, he ventured to say so, but was commanded to 
 lose no time in offering up such prayers as were fitting for a 
 person at the last extremity. Having done his office, he was 
 put into the chair and taken down-stairs, a pistol-shot startling 
 his ears on the way. He soon found himself safe at home, a 
 purse of gold in his hand, and his ears still ringing with the 
 warning he had received, that if he said one word about the 
 transaction, his life would pay for the indiscretion. At last he 
 fell off to sleep, to be awakened by a servant with the news, 
 that a certain great house in the Canongate had been burned 
 down, and the daughter of its owner perished in the flames. 
 The clergyman had been long dead, when a fire broke out on 
 the very same spot, and there, amid the flames, was seen a 
 beautiful woman, in an extraordinarily rich night-dress of the 
 fashion of half a century before. While the awe-struck spec- 
 tators gazed in wonder, the apparition cried, "Anes burned, 
 twice burned ; the third time I'll scare you all ! " The midwife 
 of the Littlecote legend and the divine of the Edinburgh one 
 were more fortunate than the Irish doctor living at Rome in 1743 ; 
 this gentleman, according to Lady Hamilton, being taken blind- 
 folded to a house and compelled to open the veins of a young 
 lady who had loved not wisely, but too well. 
 
 BURIAL ALIVE. 
 
 In the year 1400, Ginevra de Amiera, a Florentine beauty, 
 married, under parental pressure, a man who had failed to win 
 her heart, that she had given to Antonio Rondinelli. Soon after- 
 wards the plague broke out in Florence ; Ginevra fell ill, appar- 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 693 
 
 ently succumbed to the malady, and being pronounced dead, was 
 the same day consigned to the family tomb. Some one, however, 
 had blundered in the matter, for in the middle of the night, 
 the entombed bride woke out of her trance, and badly as her 
 living relatives had behaved, found her dead ones still less to 
 her liking, and lost no time in quitting the silent company, upon 
 whose quietude she had unwittingly intruded. Speeding 
 through the sleep-wrapped streets as swiftly as her clinging 
 cerements allowed, Ginevra sought the home from which she had 
 so lately been borne. Roused from his slumbers by a knocking 
 at the door, the disconsolate widower of a day cautiously opened 
 an upper window, and seeing a shrouded figure waiting below, in 
 whose upturned face he recognized the lineaments of the dear 
 departed, he cried, "Go in peace, blessed spirit," and shut the 
 window precipitately. With sinking heart and slackened step, 
 the repulsed wife made her way to her father's door, to receive 
 the like benison from her dismayed parent. Then she crawled 
 on to an uncle's, where the door was indeed opened, but only 
 to be slammed in her face by the frightened man, who, in his 
 hurry, forgot even to bless his ghostly caller. The cool night 
 air, penetrating the undress of the hapless wanderer, made her 
 tremble and shiver, as she thought she had waked to life only 
 to die again in the cruel streets. " Ah " she sighed, u Antonio 
 would not have proved so unkind." This thought naturally 
 suggested it was her duty to test his love and courage : it would 
 be time enough to die if he proved like the rest. The way 
 was long, but hope renerved her limbs, and soon Ginevra was 
 knocking timidly at Rondinelli's door. He opened it himself, 
 and although startled by the ghastly vision, calmly inquired what 
 the spirit wanted with him. Throwing her shroud away from 
 her face, Ginevra exclaimed, " I am no spirit, Antonio ; I am 
 that Ginevra you once loved, who was buried yesterday — buried 
 alive ! " and fell senseless into the welcoming arms of her aston- 
 ished lover, whose cries for help soon brought down his sympa- 
 thizing family to hear the wondrous story, and bear its heroine 
 
694 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 to bed, to be tenderly tended until she had recovered from the 
 shock, and was as beautiful as ever again. Then came the diffi- 
 culty. Was Ginevra to return to the man who had buried her, 
 and shut his doors against her, or give herself to the man who 
 had saved her from a second death ? With such powerful special 
 pleaders as love and gratitude on his side, of course Rondinelli 
 won the day, and a private marriage made the lovers amends 
 for previous disappointment. They, however, had no intention 
 of keeping in hiding, but the very first Sunday after they be- 
 came man and wife, appeared in public together at the cathedral, 
 to the confusion and wonder of Ginevra's friends. An explana- 
 tion ensued, which satisfied everybody except the lady's first hus- 
 band, who insisted that nothing but her dying in genuine earnest 
 could dissolve the original matrimonial bond. The case was re- 
 ferred to the bishop, who, having no precedent to curb his deci- 
 sion, rose superior to technicalities, and declared that the first hus- 
 band had forfeited all right to Ginevra, and must pay over to Ron- 
 dinelli the dowry he had received with her : a decree at which 
 we may be sure all true lovers in fair Florence heartily rejoiced. 
 This Italian romance of real life has its counterpart in a 
 French cause cdlebre, but the Gallic version unfortunately lacks 
 names and dates ; it differs, too, considerably in matters of detail ; 
 instead of the lady being a supposed victim of the plague, which 
 in the older story secured her hasty interment, she was supposed 
 to have died of grief at being wedded against her inclination ; 
 instead of coming to life of her own accord, and seeking her lover 
 as a last resource, the French heroine was taken out of her grave 
 by her lover, who suspected she was not really dead, and resusci- 
 tated by his exertions, to flee with him to England. After living 
 happily together there for ten years, the strangely united couple 
 ventured to visit Paris, where the first husband accidentally 
 meeting the lady, was struck by her resemblance to his dead 
 wife, found out her abode, and finally claimed her for his own. 
 When the case came for trial, the second husband did not dispute 
 the fact of identity, but pleaded that his rival had renounced 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 695 
 
 all claim to the lady by ordering her to be buried, without first 
 making sure she was dead, and that she would have been dead 
 and rotting in her grave if he had not rescued her. The court 
 was saved the trouble of deciding the knotty point, for, seeing 
 that it was likely to pronounce against them, the fond pair 
 quietly slipped out of France, and found refuge in "a foreign 
 clime, where their love continued sacred and entire, till death 
 conveyed them to those happy regions where love knows no end, 
 and is confined within no limits." 
 
 RING STORIES. 
 
 Of dead-alive ladies brought to consciousness by sacrilegious 
 robbers, covetous of the rings upon their cold fingers, no less 
 than seven stories, differing but slightly from each other, have 
 been preserved ; in one, the scene is laid in Halifax ; in another, 
 in Gloucestershire ; in a third, in Somersetshire ; in the fourth, 
 in Drogheda; the remaining three being appropriated by as 
 many towns in Germany. 
 
 Ring-stories have a knack of running in one groove. Hero- 
 dotus tells us how Amasis advised Polycrates, as a charm against 
 misfortune, to throw away some gem he especially valued; how, 
 taking the advice, Polycrates went seaward in a boat, and 
 cast his favorite ring into the ocean ; and how, a few days after- 
 ward, a fisherman caught a large fish so extraordinarily fine, 
 that he thought it fit only for the royal table, and accordingly 
 presented it to the fortunate monarch, who ordered it to be 
 dressed for supper; and lo! when the fish was opened, the sur- 
 prised cook's astonished eye beheld his master's cast-away ring; 
 much to that master's delight, but his adviser's dismay; for 
 when Amasis heard of the wonderful event, he immediately dis- 
 patched a herald to break his contract of friendship with Poly- 
 crates, feeling confident the latter would come to an ill end, 
 "as he prospered in everything, even finding what he had thrown 
 away." The city of Glasgow owes the ring-holding salmon 
 figuring in its armorial bearings to a legend concerning its patron 
 
696 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 saint, Kentigern, thus told in the Acta Sanctorum : A queen 
 who formed an improper attachment to a handsome soldier, put 
 upon his finger a precious ring which her own lord had con- 
 ferred upon her. The king, made aware of the fact, but dis- 
 sembling his anger, took an opportunity, in hunting, while the 
 soldier lay asleep beside the Clyde, to snatch off the ring, and 
 throw it into the river. Then returning home along with the 
 soldier, he demanded of the queen the ring he had given her. 
 She sent secretly to the soldier for the ring, which could not be 
 restored. In great terror, she then despatched a messenger to ask 
 the assistance of the holy Kentigern. He, who knew of the 
 affair before being informed of it, went to the river Clyde, and 
 having caught a salmon, took from the stomach the missing 
 ring, which he sent to the queen. She joyfully went with it to 
 the king, who, thinking he had wronged her, swore he would be 
 revenged upon her accusers ; but she, affecting a forgiving tem- 
 per, besought him to pardon them as she had done. At the 
 same time, she confessed her error to Kentigern, and solemnly 
 vowed to be more careful of her conduct in future." In 
 1559, a merchant and alderman of Newcastle, named Anderson, 
 handling his ring as he leaned over the bridge, dropped it into 
 the Tyne. Some time after, his servant bought a salmon in the 
 market, in whose stomach the lost ring was found : its value 
 enhanced by the strange recovery, the ring became an heirloom 
 and was in the possession of one of the Alderman's decendants 
 some forty years ago. A similar accident, ending in a similar way, 
 is recorded to have happened to one of the dukes of Lorraine. 
 
 DEATH PROPHECIES. 
 
 Monk Grerbert, who wore the tiara as Sylvester II., a man 
 of whom it was said that — thanks to the devil's assistance — he 
 never left anything unexecuted which he ever conceived, anti- 
 cipating Roger Bacon, made a brazen head capable of answering 
 like an oracle. From this creature of his own, Gerbert learned 
 
PARALLEL PASSAGES. 697 
 
 he would not die until he had performed mass in Jerusalem. 
 He thereupon determined to live forever by taking good care 
 never to go near the holy city. Like all dealers with the Evil 
 One, he was destined to be cheated. Performing mass one day 
 in Rome, Sylvester was seized with sudden illness, and upon 
 inquiring the name of the church in which he had officiated, 
 heard, to his dismay, that it was popularly called Jerusalem; 
 then he knew his end was at hand; and it was not long before 
 it came. Nearly five hundred years after this event happened, 
 Master Robert Fabian, who must not be suspected of inventing 
 history, seeing, as sheriff and alderman, he was wont to pillory 
 public liars, wrote of Henry IV., "After the feast of Christ- 
 mas, while he was making his prayers at St. Edward's shrine, 
 he became so sick, that such as were about him feared that he 
 would have died right there ; wherefore they, for his comfort, 
 bare him into the abbot's place, and lodged him in a chamber; 
 and there, upon a pallet, laid him before the fire, where he lay 
 in great agony a certain time. At length, when he was come 
 to himself, not knowing where he was, he freyned [asked] of 
 such as were there about him what place that was ; the which 
 shewed to him that it belonged unto the Abbot of Westmin- 
 ster ; and for he felt himself so sick, he commanded to ask if 
 that chamber had any special name. Whereunto it was answer- 
 ed, that it was named Jerusalem. Then said the king, ' Laud 
 be to the Father of Heaven, for now I know I shall die in this 
 chamber, according to the prophecy of me beforesaid, that I 
 should die in Jerusalem;' and so after, he made himself ready, 
 and died shortly after, upon the Day of St. Cuthbert, on the 
 20th day of March, 1413." 
 
 BATTLES. 
 
 Three of the most famous battles recorded in English history 
 were marked by a strange contrast between the behavior of the 
 opposing armies on the eve of the fight. At Hastings, the 
 Saxons spent the night in singing, feasting, and drinking; while 
 
 59 
 
698 PARALLEL PASSAGES. 
 
 the Normans were confessing themselves and receiving the sac- 
 rament. At Agincourt, " the poor condemned English " said 
 their prayers, and sat patiently by their watch-fires, to "inly 
 ruminate the morrow's danger j" while the oyer-confident French 
 revelled the night through, and played for the prisoners they 
 were never to take. " On the eve of Bannockburn," says Paston, 
 who fought there on the beaten side, " ye might have seen the 
 Englishmen bathing themselves in wine, and casting their gor- 
 gets ; there was crying, shouting, wassailing, and drinking, with 
 other rioting far above measure. On the other side we might 
 have seen the Scots, quiet, still, and close, fasting the eve of 
 St. John the Baptist, laboring in love of the liberties of their 
 country." Our readers need not be told that in each case the 
 orderly, prayerful army proved victorious, and so made the 
 treble parallel perfect. 
 
 BISHOP HATTO. 
 
 The legend of Hatto, bishop of Mayence, has been preserved 
 in stanzas which are well remembered by school children. To 
 avoid the importunity of the starving during a period of famine, 
 the wicked prelate collected them into a barn, 
 
 "And while for mercy on Christ they call, 
 He set fire to the barn, and burnt them all." 
 
 Thereupon he was attacked by an army of mice, and escaped 
 to his tower (the Mauseschloss) on a rock in the Rhine. But 
 they quickly followed him and poured in by thousands, "in at 
 the windows and in at the door," until he was overpowered and 
 destroyed. 
 
 "They gnawed the flesh from every limb, 
 For they were sent to do judgment on him." 
 The same story is told of the Swiss baron, von Griittingen, 
 who was pursued and devoured by mice in his castle in Lake 
 Constance. It is also told, with a variation, of the Polish King 
 Popiel. When the Poles murmured at his bad government, 
 and sought redress, he summoned the chief remonstrants to his 
 palace, poisoned them, and had their bodies thrown into the 
 lake Gopolo. He sought refuge from the mice within a circle 
 of fire, but was overrun and eaten by them. 
 
PROTOTYPES. 699 
 
 ^rototgpes, 
 
 THE OLDEST PROVERB. 
 
 It appears from I Samuel xxiv. 13, that the oldest proverb 
 on record, is, "Wickedness proceedeth from the wicked;" since 
 David, in his time, declared it to be " a proverb of the ancients;" 
 consequently older than any proverb of his son Solomon. 
 
 SHAKSPEARE SAID IT FIRST. 
 
 In one of Clough's letters he tells an amusing story of a 
 Calvin istic old lady, who, on being asked about the Universal- 
 ists, observed, — "Yes, they expect that everybody will be saved, 
 but we look for better things." How like this is to the 
 admirable confusion of Sir Andrew Aguecheek, who, in his 
 letter of challenge, ( Twelfth Night, iii. 4,) concludes thus : — 
 "Fare thee well, and God have mercy upon one of our souls! 
 He may have mercy upon mine; but my hope is better!" 
 
 Cinderella's slipper. 
 
 A story somewhat similar to that of Cinderella has been 
 handed down from the Greek. It is reported of Rhodopis, — 
 a Thracian slave, who was purchased and manumitted by Char- 
 axus of Mytilene, and afterward settled in Egypt, — that one 
 day, while she was in the bath, an eagle, having flown down, 
 snatched one of her slippers from an attendant, and carried it 
 to Memphis. Psammitichus, the king, at the time, was sitting 
 on his tribunal, and while engaged in dispensing justice, the 
 eagle, settling above his head, dropped the sandal into his 
 bosom. Astonished by the singularity of the event, and struck 
 by the diminutive size and elegant shape of the sandal, the king 
 ordered search to be made for the owner throughout the land 
 of Egypt. Having found her at Naucratis, she was presented 
 to the king, who made her his queen. 
 
700 PROTOTYPES. 
 
 CURTAIN LECTURES. 
 
 Jerrold, in his preface to the later editions of Mrs. Caudle's 
 Curtain Lectures, makes this curious statement : — 
 
 It has happened to the writer that two, or three, or ten, or twenty 
 gentlewomen have asked him . . . What could have made you think of 
 Mrs. Caudle ? How could snch a thing have entered any man's mind ? 
 There are subjects that seem like rain-drops to fall upon a man's head, the 
 head itself having nothing to do with the matter . . . And this was, no doubt, 
 the accidental cause of the literary sowing and expansion — unfolding like 
 a night-flower — of Mrs. Caudle . . . The writer, still dreaming and musing, 
 and still following no distinct line of thought, there struck upon him, like 
 notes of sudden household music, these words — Curtain Lectures. 
 
 Nevertheless, this phrase may be traced back more than two 
 centuries, while the idea will be found in the Sixth Satire of 
 Juvenal, who says: — 
 
 Semper habet lites, alternaque jurgia lectus, 
 
 In quo nupta jacet: minimum dormitur in illo, &c. 
 
 Stapylton's translation of this passage was published in 
 1647:— 
 
 Debates, alternate brawlings, ever were 
 
 I' th' marriage bed : there is no sleeping there. 
 
 In the margin of the translation are the words Curtain- 
 Lectures. 
 
 Dryden in his translation of the same passage (published 
 1693) introduces the phrase into the text: — 
 
 Besides, what endless brawls by wives are bred ; 
 The Curtain-Lecture makes a mournful bed. 
 
 And Addison, in the Tatler, describing a luckless wight 
 undergoing the penalty of a nocturnal oration, says : — 
 
 I could not but admire his exemplary patience, and discovered, by his 
 whole behavior, that he was then lying under the discipline of a curtain 
 lecture. 
 
 THE CHARGE OP THE LIGHT BRIGADE. 
 
 The metre, movement, and idea of Tennyson's Charge of the 
 Six Hundred at Balaklava, are evidently derived from Michael 
 Drayton's Battle of Agincourt, published in 1627. The first, 
 middle and last stanzas of Drayton's poem run thus : — 
 
PROTOTYPES. 701 
 
 1. 
 
 Faire stood the Wind for France 
 When we our Sayles advance, 
 Nor now to prove our chance 
 
 Longer will tarry ; 
 But putting to the Mayne, 
 At Kaux, the Mouth of Sryne, 
 With all his Martiall Trayne, 
 
 Landed King Harry. 
 
 8. 
 They now to fight are gone, 
 Armour on armour shone, 
 Drumme now to Drumme did grone, 
 
 To heare was wonder: 
 That with the Cryes they make, 
 The very earth did shake, 
 Trumpet to Trumpet spake, 
 
 Thunder to Thunder. 
 
 15. 
 Upon Saint Crispin's day 
 Fought was this Noble Fray, 
 Which Fame did not delay 
 
 To England to carry; 
 when shall English Men 
 With such Acts fill a Pen, 
 Or England breed againe 
 
 Such a King Harry ! 
 
 THE FAUST LEGENDS. 
 
 About the middle of the thirteenth century began to spread 
 the notion of formal written agreements between the Fiend and 
 men who were to be his exclusive property after a certain time, 
 during which he was to help them to all earthly good. This, 
 curious to say, came with Christianity from the East. The first 
 instance was that of Theophilus, vicedominus of the Bishop of 
 Adana, a city of Cilicia, in the sixth century, whose fall and 
 conversion form the original of all the Faust legends. The story 
 of Theophilus may be found in various works, among them 
 Ennemoser's Universal History of Magic, which was translated 
 by William Howitt. 
 
 59* 
 
702 PROTOTYPES. 
 
 AIR CUSHIONS. 
 
 Ben Jonson, in the Alchemist, makes Sir Epicure Mammon, 
 in his expectation of acquiring the secret of the philosopher's 
 stone, enumerate to Surly a list of anticipated luxuries. Among 
 these indulgences is this prophetic forecast of modern inflated 
 India-rubber beds and cushions : — 
 
 "I will have all my beds blown up, not stuffed; 
 Down is too hard." 
 
 THE CAT IN THE ADAGE, 
 
 Lady Macbeth thus taunts her husband: — 
 Wouldst thou have that 
 Which thou esteem'st the ornament of life, 
 And live a coward in thine own esteem; 
 Letting / dare not wait upon I would, 
 Like the poor cat i' the adage ? 
 
 The adage is thus given in Heywood's Proverbs, 1566 : — 
 " The cat would eate fishe, and would not wet her feete." 
 
 The proverb is found among all nations. The Latin form of 
 mediaeval times was as follows : — 
 
 " Catus amat pisces, sed non vult tingere plantas." 
 
 The Germans say : — 
 
 "Die Katze h'att' die Fische gem; aber sie will die Fiisse nit nass 
 machen." 
 
 And the Scotch have it: — 
 
 " The cat would fain fish eat, 
 But she has no will to wet her feet." 
 
 CORK LEGS. 
 
 A gentleman in Charleston conceived a very decided liking 
 to a young lady from Ireland, and was on the eve of popping 
 the question, when he was told by a friend that his dulcinea 
 had a cork leg. It is difficult to imagine the distress of the 
 young Carolinian. He went to her father's house, knocked 
 
PROTOTYPES. 703 
 
 impatiently at the door, and when admitted to the fair one's 
 presence, asked her if what he had heard respecting her were 
 true. " Yes, indeed, my dear Sir, it is true enough, but you 
 have heard only half of my misfortune. I have got two cork 
 legs, having had the ill-luck to be born in Cork." This is 
 the incident on which is founded Hart's afterpiece called 
 Perfection. 
 
 THE POPE'S BULL AGAINST THE COMET. 
 
 When President Lincoln was first asked to issue a proclama- 
 tion abolishing slavery in the Southern States, he replied that 
 such ah act would be as absurd as the Pope's bull against the 
 comet. 
 
 The comet referred to is Halley's. Concerning its first 
 authenticated appearance, Admiral Smyth, in his Cycle of 
 Celestial Objects, says: — 
 
 In 1456 it came with a tail 60° in length, and of a vivid brightness; 
 which splendid train affrighted all Europe, and spread consternation in 
 every quarter. To its malign influences were imputed the rapid successes 
 of Mahomet II., which then threatened all Christendom. The general 
 alarm was greatly aggravated by the conduct of Pope Calixtus III., who, 
 though otherwise a man of abilities, was but a poor astronomer; for that 
 pontiff daily ordered the church bells to be rung at noontide, extra Ave 
 Marias to be repeated, and a special protest and excommunication was 
 composed, exorcising equally the devil, the Turks, and the comet. 
 
 SWAPPING HORSES. 
 
 The celebrated maxim of President Lincoln, "not to swap 
 horses while fording the stream," was anticipated centuries ago 
 by Cyrus the Elder, King of Persia, in directing his troops to 
 take up their several stations, when he said, " When the contest 
 is about to begin, there is no longer time for any chariot to 
 unyoke the horses for a change." 
 
 WOODEN NUTMEGS. 
 
 Judge Haliburton, in that amusing book The Clockmaker, 
 puts the following in the mouth of Sam Slick : — 
 
704 PROTOTYPES. 
 
 That remark seemed to grig him a little; he felt oneasy like, and walked 
 twice across the room, fifty fathoms deep in thought; at last he said, 
 "Which way are you from, Mr. Slick, this hitch ?" " Why," says I, " I've 
 been away up South a speculating in nutmegs." " I hope," says the Pro- 
 fessor, " they were a good article, — the real right down genuine thing ?" 
 "No, mistake," says I, "no mistake, Professor; they were all prime, first 
 chop ; but why did you ax that 'ere question ?" " Why," says he, " that 
 eternal scoundrel, that Captain John Allspice of Nabant, he used to trade 
 to Charleston, and he carried a cargo once there of fifty barrels of nut- 
 megs. Well, he put half a bushel of good ones into each end of the 
 barrel, and the rest he filled up with wooden ones, so like the real thing, 
 no soul could tell the difference until he bit one with his teeth, and that he 
 never thought of doing until he was first bit himself. Well, it's been a 
 standing joke with them Southerners agin us ever since." 
 
 TRADE UNIONS. 
 
 Trade unions are not of such recent origin as many people 
 suppose. "I am credibly informed/' wrote Mandeville, the 
 philosophic author of the Fables of the Bees, one hundred and 
 fifty years ago, in his Essay on Charity and Charity Schools, 
 "that a parcel of footmen are arrived to that height of inso- 
 lence as to have entered into a society together, and made laws 
 by which they oblige themselves not to serve for less than such 
 a sum, nor carry burdens, or any bundle or parcel above a 
 certain weight, not exceeding two or three pounds, with other 
 regulations directly opposite to the interest of those they serve, 
 and altogether destructive to the use they were designed for. 
 If any of them be turned away for strictly adhering to the orders 
 of this honorable corporation, he is taken care of till another 
 service is provided for him ; but there is no money wanting at 
 any time to commence and maintain a lawsuit against any 
 that shall pretend to strike or offer any other injury to his 
 gentleman footman, contrary to the statutes of their society. 
 If this be true, as I believe it is, and they are suffered to go 
 on in consulting and providing for their own ease and con- 
 veniency any further, we may expect quickly to see the French 
 comedy 'Le Maitre le Valet' acted in good earnest in most 
 families ; while, if not redressed in a little time, and these foot- 
 
PROTOTYPES. 705 
 
 men increase their company to the numher it is possible they 
 may, as well as assemble when they please with impunity, it 
 will be in their power to make a tragedy of it whenever they 
 have a mind to." 
 
 CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES. 
 
 On page 454 of Senator Wilson's Rise and Fall of the 
 Slave Power in America, he says (of a speech of the late Mr. 
 Giddings) : "He referred to the Treaty of Indian Springs, by 
 which, after paying the slaveholders of Georgia the sum of 
 $109,000 for slaves who had escaped to Florida, it added the 
 sum of $141,000 as compensation demanded for the offspring 
 which the females would have borne to their masters had they 
 remained in bondage; and Congress actually paid that sum for 
 children who were never born, but who might have been if 
 their parents had remained faithful slaves." 
 
 There is no clearer case of the payment of " consequential 
 damages" in English or American history than this. 
 
 THE ORIGINAL SHYLOCK. 
 
 Gregory Leti, in his biography of Sextus V., tells us that 
 Paul Secchi, a Venetian merchant, having learned by private 
 advices that Admiral Francis Blake had conquered St. Domingo, 
 communicated the news to a Jewish merchant named Sampson 
 Ceneda. The latter was so confident that the information was 
 false, that, after repeated protestations, he said, " I bet a pound 
 of my flesh that the report is untrue." "And I lay a thousand 
 scudi against it," rejoined the Christian, who caused a bond to 
 be drawn to the effect that in case the report should prove 
 untrue, then the Christian merchant, Signor Paul Secchi, is 
 bound to pay the Jewish merchant the sum of 1000 scudi, and 
 on the other hand, if the truth of the news be confirmed, the 
 Christian merchant, Signor Paul Secchi, is justified and em- 
 powered to cut with his own hand, with a well-sharpened knife, 
 2U 
 
706 PROTOTYPES. 
 
 a pound of the Jew's fair flesh, of that part of the body it 
 might please him. When the news proved true, the Christian 
 insisted on his bond, but the governor, having got wind of the 
 affair, reported it to the Pope, who condemned both Jew and 
 Christian to tfye galleys, from which they could only be ran- 
 somed by paying a fine of double the amount of the wager. 
 
 Shakspeare reverses the order, and makes the Jew usurer 
 demand the pound of flesh from the' Christian merchant. 
 
 EXCOMMUNICATION. 
 
 The excommunication of the Koman Catholic Church, exactly 
 described by anticipation in Caesar's account of their predeces- 
 sors, the Heathen Druids, will be found in Caesar, de Bello 
 Gallico, Book VI. Chap, iii., the passage beginniDg "Si quis 
 aut privatus aut publicus," and ending "Neque honos ullus 
 communicatur." 
 
 They decree rewards and punishments, and if any one refuses to submit 
 to their sentence, whether magistrate or private man, they interdict him 
 the sacrifices. This is the greatest punishment that can be inflicted among 
 the Gauls; because such as are under this prohibition are considered as 
 impious and wicked; all men shun them, and decline their conversation 
 and fellowship, lest they should suffer from the contagion of their misfor- 
 tunes. They can neither have recourse to the law for justice, nor are 
 capable of any public office. 
 
 NAPOLEON I. 
 
 Compare the character and fall of Bonaparte with that of 
 the king of Babylon as described in the remarkable language 
 of the prophet Isaiah, chapter xiv., verses 4 — 22. 
 
 THE PALLS OP LANARK. 
 
 The following lines in an album formerly kept at the inn at 
 Lanark evidently suggested to Southey his playful verses on 
 The Cataract of Lodore : — 
 
 What fools are mankind, 
 And how strangely inclined 
 
PROTOTYPES. 707 
 
 To come from all places 
 With horses and chaises, 
 By day and by dark, 
 To the Falls of Lanark ! 
 For, good people, after all, 
 What is a waterfall ? 
 It comes roaring and grumbling, 
 And leaping and tumbling, 
 And hopping and skipping, 
 And foaming and dripping, 
 And struggling and toiling, 
 And bubbling and boiling, 
 And beating and jumping, 
 And bellowing and thumping. 
 I have much more to say upon 
 Both Linn and Bonniton ; 
 But the trunks are tied on, 
 And I must be gone. 
 
 In the varied music of Schiller's Song of the Bell may be 
 found the same style : — 
 
 2)er Mann mu§ BtnauS The man must be out 
 
 3tt3 fetnbltd)e Cefcert, In hostile life toiling, 
 
 Sttug toixkn unb jfcefcen Be\struggling and moiling, 
 
 ttltb pflanjen unb fdjajfen, And planting, obtaining, 
 
 ©rltftett, erraffen, Devising and gaining, 
 
 5Jht§ roetten Ullb ttagen, And daring, enduring, 
 
 £>a$ ©lite! gu erjagen. So fortune securing. 
 
 TURGOT'S EPIGRAPH ON FRANKLIN. 
 Eripuit coelo fulmen, sceptrumque tyrannis. 
 This inscription, the highest compliment ever paid to the 
 American philosopher and statesman, and originally ascribed to 
 Condorcet and Mirabeau, was written by Turgot, Louis XVI.'s 
 minister and controller-general of finance^ and first appeared 
 in the correspondence of Grimm and Diderot, April, 1778. It 
 is, however, merely a modification of a line in the Anti-Lucre- 
 tius of Cardinal de Polignac, lib. i., v. 37 :— 
 
 Eripuitque Jovi fulmen, Phoeboque sagittas, 
 which is in turn traced to the Astronomicon of Marcus Mani- 
 lius, a poet of the Augustan age, who says of Epicurus, lib. L 
 v. 104,— 
 
708 PROTOTYPES. 
 
 Eripuitque Jovi fulmen, viresque Tonanti. 
 
 Taking the laurel from the brow of Epicurus to place it upon 
 the head of Franklin is not so inappropriate, when we recall 
 the sketch of the former by Lucretius illustrans commoda vitse 
 
 THE MECKLENBURG DECLARATION OP INDEPENDENCE. 
 
 Among those who sympathized most deeply with the op- 
 pressed inhabitants of New England, and who were earliest to 
 express indignation at the outrages of British tyranny, were 
 the militia-officers of North Carolina, most of whom were Pres- 
 byterians of Scotch-Irish nativity. On the 20th of May, 1775, 
 the delegates of the Mecklenburg convention, " after sitting in 
 the courthouse all night, neither sleepy, hungry, nor fatigued, 
 and after discussing every paragraph/' unanimously passed the 
 following resolutions. It will be observed that this memorable 
 Declaration of Independence contains many of the ideas, and 
 some of the very phrases and forms of expression, afterwards 
 employed by Mr. Jefferson, and incorporated in his draft of 
 that great national document whose adoption, on the 4th of 
 July, 1776, gave birth to a nation of freemen. The more 
 striking similarities are here shown in Italics : — 
 
 Resolved, That whosoever directly or indirectly abetted, or 
 in any way, form, or manner countenanced, the unchartered 
 and dangerous invasion of our rights, as claimed by Great Bri- 
 tain, is an enemy to this country, to America, and to the inhe- 
 rent and inalienable rights* of Man. 
 
 Resolved, That we, the citizens of Mecklenburg county, do 
 hereby dissolve the political bands which have connected us to 
 the mother country,^md hereby absolve ourselves from all alle- 
 giance to the British Crown, and abjure all political connection, 
 contract, or association with that Nation, who have wantonly 
 trampled on our rights and liberties, and inhumanly shed the 
 blood of American patriots at Lexington. 
 
 * The same expression will be found in the original draft of Mr. Jefferson. 
 Congress changed the words "inherent and inalienable" to "certain in- 
 alienable." 
 
PROTOTYPES. 709 
 
 Resolved, That we do hereby declare ourselves a free and 
 independent people ; are, and of right ought to be, a sovereign 
 and self-governing association, under the control of no power 
 other than that of our G-od, and the general Government of 
 the Congress; to the maintenance of which independence we 
 solemnly pledge to each other our mutual co-operation, our lives, 
 our fortunes, and our most sacred honor. 
 
 Resolved, That as we now acknowledge the existence and 
 control of no law or legal officer, civil or military, within this 
 country, we do hereby ordain and adopt as a rule of life all, 
 each, and every of our former laws ; wherein, nevertheless, the 
 Crown of Great Britain never can be considered as holding 
 rights, privileges, immunities, or authorities therein. 
 
 Resolved, That it is further decreed that all, each, and 
 every military officer in this county is hereby reinstated in his 
 former command and authority, he acting conformably to these 
 regulations ; and that every member present of this delegation 
 shall henceforth be a civil officer, viz. : a Justice of the Peace 
 in the character of a " Committee-man," to issue process, hear 
 and determine all matters of controversy, according to said 
 adopted laws, and to preserve peace, union, and harmony in said 
 county ; and to use every exertion to spread the love of country 
 and fire of freedom throughout America, until a more general 
 and organized government be established in the Province. 
 
 After discussing the foregoing resolves, and arranging by- 
 laws and regulations for the government of a Standing Com- 
 mittee of Public Safety, who were selected from their dele- 
 gates, the whole proceedings were unanimously adopted and 
 signed. A select committee was then appointed to draw up a 
 more full and definite statement of grievances, and a more 
 formal Declaration of Independence. The delegation then ad- 
 journed about two o'clock a.m. 
 
 THE KNOW-NOTHINGS. 
 
 The recent political organization under this odd title, which 
 presented one of the most singular features that has yet diversi 
 
 60 
 
710 
 
 PROTOTYPES. 
 
 fied American history, h.as its archetype in the Church whose 
 progress in this country it was designed to oppose. In Italy 
 there was formerly a strange order of monks calling themselves 
 Fratres Ignorantise, " Brothers of Ignorance." They used to 
 bind themselves by oath not to understand nor to learn any 
 thing, and answered all questions by saying, Nescio, " I do not 
 know." Their first proposition was, " Though you do not un- 
 derstand the words you speak, yet the Holy Ghost understands 
 them, and the devil flees." In opposing mental acquirements, 
 they argued thus : — " Suppose this friar studies and becomes a 
 learned man, the consequence will be that he will want to be- 
 come our superior : therefore, put the sack around his neck, 
 and let him go begging from house to house, in town and 
 country." 
 
 THE ORIGINAL OF BUNYAN's PILGRIM'S PROGRESS. 
 
 The Isle of Man, or the Legal Proceedings in Manshire 
 against Sin, wherein, by way of a continual Allegory, the chief 
 malefactors disturbing both Church and Commonwealth are 
 detected and attached, with their arraignment and judicial 
 trial, according to the laws of England; the spiritual use 
 thereof, with an apology for the manner of handling most 
 necessary to be first read, for direction in the right use of the 
 allegory. By the Rev. Richard Bernard. 
 
 An allegory with the above title, originally published more 
 than two hundred years ago, was reprinted in Bristol, England, 
 in 1803. In a note to this edition, addressed to the reader, 
 the editor states that the work is prized as well on account of 
 the ingenuity of the performance as the probability of its 
 having suggested to Mr. John Bunyan the first idea of his Pil- 
 grim's Progress, and of his Holy War, which was intimated on 
 a leaf facing the title-page, by the late Bev. Mr. Toplady. 
 
 The editor says, " That Bunyan had seen the book may be 
 inferred from its extensive circulation, for in one year only 
 after its first publication it ran through seven editions." He 
 then proceeds to the internal evidence, and points out a sup- 
 
PROTOTYPES. 711 
 
 posed similarity between the characters in the two worfcs, as 
 between Wilful Will of the one and Will-be- Will of the other; 
 Mr. Worldly Wiseman of Bunyan and Sir Worldly Wise of 
 Bernard \ Soul's 'Town of Bernard and Bunyan's Town of 
 Man's Soul, &c. 
 
 That the book has no very high order of genius to commend 
 it is evident from the fact that it has passed into comparative 
 obscurity. The world does not suffer the works of true pro- 
 phets to die. Still, there is enough in it to render it worthy of 
 being held in remembrance ; and, antedating Bunyan as it does, 
 passing through seven editions immediately after its first publi- 
 cation, presenting some striking analogies with the great master 
 of allegory, and sinking into obscurity before the brighter and 
 more enduring light of the Bedford tinker, its author deserves 
 honorable mention for his attempt to present religious truth in 
 a striking and impressive form at a period when such attempts 
 were rare. 
 
 Southey, in his Commonplace Booh, gives a long quotation 
 from Lucian's Hermotimus, to show how Bunyan was antici- 
 pated, in the main idea of his allegory, by a Greek writer, as 
 far back as the second century. 
 
 Another claimant for this Telemachus of Protestant religious 
 literature has recently been brought to light by Catherine 
 Isabella Curt, who has just published in London a translation 
 of an old French manuscript in the British Museum, which is 
 almost word for word the Pilgrim's Progress. The manuscript 
 is the work of a clergyman, G. de Grideville, who lived in the 
 fifteenth century. Its title, in Norman English, is Pylgrem- 
 age of the Sowle. The printer, Caxton, who occupied the 
 same position in London as the Etiennes of Paris, published in 
 1483 a translation of this manuscript, of which the authen- 
 ticity appears incontestable. It would seem, therefore, that 
 the credit of this celebrated book belongs to France, although 
 France hitherto has shown less appreciation of the original than 
 England has bestowed on the copy. 
 
712 PROTOTYPES. 
 
 ROBINSON CRUSOE : WHO WROTE IT ? 
 
 Disraeli, in his ever-charming Curiosities of Literature, ex- 
 presses boldly the opinion that " no one had, or perhaps could 
 have, converted the history of Selkirk into the wonderful story 
 we possess but De Foe himself." So have we all been accus- 
 tomed to believe, from those careless, happy days of boyhood 
 when we pored intently over the entrancing pages of " Robin- 
 son Crusoe" and wished that we also could have a desert 
 island, a summer bower, and a winter-cave retreat, as well as he. 
 But there is, alas ! some slight ground at least for believing 
 that De Foe did not write that immortal tale, or, at all events, 
 the better portion of it, viz., the first part or volume of the 
 work. In Sir H. Ellis's Letters of Eminent Literary Men 
 (Camden Soc. Pub. 1843, vol. 23), p. 420, Letter 137 is from 
 " Daniel De Foe to the Earl of Halifax, engaging himself to 
 his lordship as a political writer." In a note by the editor a 
 curious anecdote is given, quoted from " a volume of Memo- 
 randa in the handwriting of Thomas Warton, poet-laureate, 
 preserved in the British Museum," in relation to the actual 
 authorship of the " Life and Adventures of Robinson Crusoe." 
 The extract is as follows : — 
 
 "Mem. July 10, 1774.— In the year 1759, 1 was told by the 
 Rev. Mr. Hollaway, rector of Middleton Stoney, in Oxford- 
 shire, then about seventy years old, and in the early part of his 
 life chaplain to Lord Sunderland, that he had often heard Lord 
 Sunderland say that Lord Oxford, while prisoner in the Tower 
 of London, wrote the first volume of the History of Robinson 
 Crusoe, merely as an amusement under confinement, and gave 
 it to Daniel De Foe, who frequently visited Lord Oxford in 
 the Tower and was one of his pamphlet- writers \ that De Foe, 
 by Lord Oxford's permission, printed it as his own, and, en- 
 couraged by its extraordinary success, added himself the second 
 volume, the inferiority of which is generally acknowledged. 
 Mr. Holloway also told me, from Lord Sunderland, that Lord 
 Oxford dictated some parts of the manuscript to De Foe. Mr 
 Hollaway," — Warton adds, — u was a grave, conscientious clergy- 
 
PROTOTYPES. 713 
 
 man, not vain of telling anecdotes, very learned, particularly a 
 good Orientalist, author of some theological tracts, bred at Eton 
 School, and a Master of Arts of St. John's College, Cambridge. 
 He used to say that ' Robinson Crusoe at its first publication, 
 and for some time afterward, was universally received and 
 credited as a genuine history. A fictitious narrative of this 
 sort was then a new thing.' " 
 
 Besides, it may be added, the real and somewhat similar cir- 
 cumstances of Alexander Selkirk's solitary abode of four years 
 and four months on the island of Juan Fernandez, had, only a 
 few years previously, been the subject of general conversation, 
 and had therefore prepared the public mind for the possibility, 
 if not the probability, of such adventures. 
 
 PROVERB MISASCRIBED TO DEFOE. 
 
 In an article on the writings of Daniel Defoe, in a late 
 number of the Edinburgh Review, the critic refers to the True- 
 Born Englishman, the opening quatrain of which is quoted as 
 being " all that will ever be remembered of the poem." 
 
 Wherever God erects a house of prayer, 
 The devil is sure to build a chapel there ; 
 And 'twill be found, upon examination, 
 The latter has the largest congregation. 
 
 A recent number of Chambers's Papers for the People also 
 contains an article on Defoe, in which the same lines are quoted 
 as having since grown into a proverb. It is evident that the 
 two critics believed the idea to be original with Defoe. But 
 they were both in error ; for in an old tract, entitled The Vine- 
 yarde of Vertue, printed in 1591, seventy-seven years before 
 Defoe was born, may be found the following sentence : — 
 
 It is oftentimes seene, that as God hath his Churohe, so will the Deuill 
 have a Chappell. 
 
 It was also used before Defoe's time by George Herbert and 
 Robert Burton. The former says, in his Jacula Prudentum, 
 " No sooner is a temple built to God, but the Devil builds a 
 
 60* 
 
714 PROTOTYPES. 
 
 chapel hard by f[ and the latter, in his Anatomy of Melancholy, 
 thus expresses it : " Where God hath a Temple the Devil will 
 have a Chapel." It is evident that Defoe only versified a well- 
 known proverb of his day. 
 
 THE USE OP LANGUAGE. 
 
 To Talleyrand has generally been attributed the authorship 
 of the maxim that "the use of language is to conceal our 
 thoughts." (La parole a 6te" donn6e h Phomme pour aider h 
 cacher sa pensSe.) 
 
 In Pycroft's Ways and Words of Men of Letters, a quotation 
 is made from an article on The Use of Language, published in 
 a periodical called the Bee, under date of October 20, 1759, 
 which reads as follows : " He who best knows how to conceal 
 his necessity and desires is the most likely person to find 
 redress; and the true use of speech is not so much to express 
 our wants as to conceal them." 
 
 Nearly a century before this, Dr. South preached a sermon 
 in Westminster Abbey, on The Wisdom of the World, in which 
 he said, " Men speak with designs of mischief, and therefore 
 they speak in the dark. In short, this seems to be the true 
 inward judgment of all our politic sages, that speech was 
 given to the ordinary sort of men whereby to communicate 
 their mind, but to wise men whereby to conceal it." 
 
 SCANDINAVIAN SKULL CUPS. 
 
 What a pretty tale was slaughtered when Grrenville Piggot 
 pointed out, in his Manual of Scandinavian Mythology, the 
 blundering translation of the passage in an old Scandinavian 
 poem relating to the occupation of the blest in the halls of 
 Valhalla, the Northern paradise ! " Soon shall we drink out of 
 the curved horns of the head," are the words in the deajbh- 
 song of Regner Lodbrog; meaning by this violent figure to 
 say that they would imbibe their liquor out of cups formed 
 from the crooked horns of animals. The first translators, 
 however, not seeing their way clearly, rendered the passage, 
 
PROTOTYPES. 715 
 
 "Soon shall we drink out of the skulls of our enemies;'* and 
 to this strange banqueting there are allusions without end to 
 be met with in our literature. Peter Pindar, for example, once 
 said that the booksellers, like the heroes of Valhalla, drank 
 their wine out of the skulls of authors. 
 
 GREAT LITERARY PLAGIARISM. 
 
 The London Athenaeum asserts that Paley's Natural Theoloay 
 is copied from a series of papers which appeared about the 
 end of the seventeenth century, in the Leipsic Transactions, 
 written by a Dutch philosopher named Nieuwentyt. It is ex- 
 traordinary that this discovery was not made before, inasmuch 
 as the papers, after having been published at Amsterdam about 
 the year 1700, were afterwards translated into English by Mr. 
 Chamberlayne, and published by Longman & Co., in 1818, 
 about fifteen years after Paley's Natural Theology appeared. 
 As Paley quotes Dr. Nieuwentyt from the Leipsic Transactions, 
 he, of course, must have known and perused them. Parallel 
 passages are printed side by side in the Athenaeum, for the 
 purpose of proving the assertion. 
 
 OLD BALLADS. 
 
 It was not the more polished author of Ivanhoe who gave us 
 the unfading picture of the Black Knight, but he who sang of 
 
 — a stranger knight whom no man knewe, 
 
 He wan the prize eche daye. 
 His acton it was all of hlacke, 
 
 His hewberke, and his sheelde, 
 Ne no man wist whence he did come, 
 Ne no man knewe where he did gone, 
 
 When they came from the feolde. 
 
 It was not the " thousand-souled Shakspeare" who gave 
 birth to the story of the pound of flesh j for Shylock is no 
 other than Gernutus the Jew of Venice. We subjoin two stan- 
 zas from Percy's Reliques : — 
 
 But we will have a merry jest 
 
 For to be talked long : 
 You shall make me a bond (quoth he} 
 
 That shall be large and strong. 
 • • • • 
 
716 PROTOTYPES. 
 
 The bloody Jew now ready is, 
 
 With whetted blade in hand ; 
 To spoil the blood of innocent 
 
 By forfeit of his bond. 
 
 Even the tragedy of Lear was set to the tune of " When 
 flying Fame" before it was known to the stage. Nor will it 
 be unjust to the memory of the good and gifted Goldsmith to 
 say that the Old Harper sang : — 
 
 Thus every day I fast and pray, 
 
 And ever will doe till I dye; 
 And gett me to some secrett place, 
 
 For soe did hee, and soe will I, — 
 
 before the gentle Angelina thought of saying: — 
 
 And there forlorn, despairing hid, 
 
 I'll lay me down and die : 
 'Twas so for me that Edwin did, 
 
 And so for him will I. 
 
 THE WANDERING JEW. 
 
 The success of Le Juif Errant of M. Sue, when first pub- 
 lished, arose doubtless from two causes: the deep hold upon the 
 popular heart which the legend of the lonely wanderer natur- 
 ally acquired, and the reaction against papacy at that period. 
 The efforts of the church, and particularly of the Society of 
 Jesus, against which it was specially directed, to either suppress 
 it or neutralize its effects, tended the more to extend its influence. 
 The legend of a wanderer, pursued by some fate or power 
 above, suffering, solitary and deathless, is as old as the human 
 race. It takes a new form with every step in human progress, 
 adapting itself to the character of the period and place where it 
 reappears. It belongs to the early East, notably the Hindoo 
 legendary literature, to Greece and Rome, and to Christendom, 
 taking shape rather from the religious than the ethical elements 
 of character. The Wandering Jew of Christendom varies with 
 times and places, as his name also varies. He is Salathiel, 
 Ahasuerus, Cartaphilus, Theudas, Zerib Bar Elia, Isbal, Michob- 
 Ader, Bultadoeus, Isaac Laquedon or something else, as circum- 
 
PROTOTYPES. 717 
 
 stances determine. The German designation — the Everlasting 
 Jew, der ewige Jude — is more specifically significant really than 
 that of other languages, in most of which it is " wandering." 
 
 The weird figure, wandering in fulfillment of his doom in the 
 Carpathians, or halting at Niirnberg or Bamberg, or going in 
 and out among the peasantry of Brittany or Wales, is an 
 attractive subject: a vague, shadowy form; mortal and yet im- 
 mortal ; typical at once of man's liability to death, and of his 
 everlasting existence. He has the passions and anxieties and 
 sorrows of manhood, and is endowed with a function which 
 places him beyond the operations of Providence. From the 
 earliest notice of this hero, which occurs in the Chronicles of 
 the Abbey of St. Albans, he appears in numerous and manifold 
 literary forms — drama, lyric, ballad, historical poem, legend, 
 novel, study, essay, chronicle, biography, myth and paragraph, 
 to the extent of perhaps a hundred volumes. The legends of 
 most of these agree in representing the Jew as a wanderer since 
 the day of the crucifixion, sometimes repentant and sometimes 
 defiant, but always going. From this general voice Dr. Croly, 
 in his Salathiel, upon a true artistic principle, departs, and makes 
 his doomed one live only the usual period of man's life. His 
 Jew is repentant and anxious to die, and dies in due season. The 
 Jew of M. Eubule-Evans, in the Curse of Immortality, also is 
 repentant, but, pursued by implacable vengeance of the 
 Almighty, he refuses, in his morbid pride, to purchase the repose 
 of death at the price of self-abasement; but at last reaches con- 
 trition through the softening influence of human love, repents 
 and dies. 
 
 With similar general characteristics the wanderer of M. Sue's 
 powerful melodramatic story seeks death in every clime and 
 form ; but lives on, wanders on, and toils to achieve human ends, 
 until the close of the romance, when the hero sets out anew. 
 Our readers are doubtless familiar with the story — the scattered 
 heirs of a fortune of two million francs to be divided among 
 them upon condition of their assembling at a given hour in a 
 
718 PROTOTYPES. 
 
 given room in Paris ; and the machinations of the wily Jesuit 
 Rodin, whose end was to secure the money for his own society. 
 
 The Chronicles of the Abbey of St. Albans, already referred 
 to, report the following circumstantial details : — 
 
 In the year 1228, a certain archbishop .of Armenia came on 
 a pilgrimage to England to see the relics of the saints, and visit 
 the sacred places in this kingdom, as he had done in others ; he 
 also produced letters of recommendation from his Holiness the 
 Pope to the religious men and prelates of the churches, in 
 which they were enjoined to receive and entertain him with due 
 reverence and honor. On his arrival, he came to St. Albans, 
 where he was received with all respect by the abbot and monks ; 
 and at this place, being fatigued with his journey, he remained 
 some days to rest himself and his followers. In the course of 
 conversation by means of their interpreters, he made many 
 inquiries relating to the religion and religious observances of 
 this countiy, and told many strange things concerning the 
 countries of the East. In the course of conversation he was 
 asked whether he had ever seen or heard anything of Joseph, 
 a man of whom there was much talk in the world, who, when 
 our Lord suffered, was present and spoke to him, and who is still 
 alive, in evidence to the Christian faith ; in reply to which a 
 knight in his retinue, who was his interpreter, replied, speaking 
 in French, "My Lord well knows that man, and a little before 
 he took his way to the western countries, the said Joseph ate at 
 the table of my lord the archbishop in Armenia, and he has 
 often seen and held converse with him/' He was then asked 
 about what had passed between Christ and the said Joseph, to 
 which he replied, " At the time of the suffering of Jesus Christ, 
 he was seized by the Jews and led into the hall of judgment, 
 before Pilate, the governor, that he might be judged by him on 
 the accusation of the Jews; and Pilate finding no cause for 
 adjudging him to death, said to them, 'Take him and judge 
 him according to your law ;' the shouts of the Jews, however, 
 increasing, he, at their request, released unto them Barabbas, and 
 
PROTOTYPES. 719 
 
 delivered Jesus to them to be crucified. When, therefore, the 
 Jews were dragging Jesus forth, and had reached the door, 
 Cartaphilus, a porter of the hall, in Pilate's service, as Jesus 
 was going out of the door, impiously struck him on the back 
 with his hand, and said in mockery, ' Go quicker, Jesus, go 
 quicker; why do you loiter?' and Jesus looking back on him 
 with a severe countenance, said to him, ' I am going and you will 
 wait till I return.' And according as our Lord said, this Car- 
 taphilus is still awaiting his return. At the time of our Lord's 
 suffering he was thirty years old, and when he attains the age 
 of a hundred years, he always returns to the same age as he 
 was when our Lord suffered. After Christ's death, when the 
 Catholic faith gained ground, this Cartaphilus was baptized 
 by Ananias (who also baptized the apostle Paul), and was called 
 Joseph. He dwells in one or other division of Armenia, and in 
 divers Eastern countries, passing his time amongst the bishops 
 and other prelates of the church ; he is a man of holy conver- 
 sation, and religious; a man of few words, and circumspect in 
 his behavior, for he does not speak at all unless when questioned 
 by the bishops and religious men, and then he tells of the events 
 of old times, and of those which occurred at the suffering and 
 resurrection of our Lord, and of the witnesses of the resurrection, 
 namely, those who rose with Christ, and went into the holy city, 
 and appeared unto men. He also tells of the creed of the 
 apostles, and of their separation and preaching. And all this he 
 relates without smiling or levity of conversation, as one who is 
 well practised in sorrow and the fear of God; always looking 
 forward with fear to the coming of Jesus Christ, lest at the last 
 judgment he should find him in anger, whom, when on his way 
 to death, he had provoked to just vengeance. Numbers come to 
 him from different parts of the world, enjoying his society and 
 conversation; and to them, if they are men of authority, he 
 explains all doubts on the matters on which he is questioned. 
 He refuses all gifts that are offered to him, being content with 
 slight food and clothing." 
 
720 CURIOUS BOOKS. 
 
 Of the myths of the Middle Ages, none is more striking 
 than that of the Wandering Jew ; indeed it is so well calculated 
 to arrest the attention and to excite the imagination, that it is 
 remarkable that we should find an interval of three centuries 
 between its first introduction into Europe by Matthew Paris 
 and Philip Mouskes, and its general acceptance in the sixteenth 
 century. Of the romances of Eugene Sue and Dr. Croly, foun- 
 ded upon the legend, the less said the better. The original le- 
 gend is so noble in its severe simplicity that none but a master 
 mind could develop it with any chance of success. Nor have 
 the poetical attempts upon the story fared better. It was 
 reserved for the pencil of Gustave Dore to treat it with the 
 originality it merited, and in a series of wood-cuts to produce 
 at once a poem, a romance, and a chef-d'oeuvre of art. 
 
 ODD TITLES OP OLD BOOKS, 
 Mostly Published in the time of Cromwell. 
 
 A Fan to drive away Flies : atheological treatise on Purgatory. 
 A most Delectable Sweet Perfumed Nosegay for God's 
 Saints to Smell at. 
 
 A Pair of Bellows to blow off the Dust cast upon John Fry. 
 
 A Proper Project to Startle Fools: Printed in a Land 
 where Self's cry'd up arfd Zeal's cry'd down. 
 
 A Reaping-Hook, well tempered, for the Stubborn Ears of the 
 coming Crop; or, Biscuit baked in the Oven of Charity, care- 
 fully conserved for the Chickens of the Church, the Sparrows 
 of the Spirit, and the sweet Swallows of Salvation. 
 
 A Sigh of Sorrow for the Sinners of Zion, breathed out of 
 a Hole in the Wall of an Earthly Vessel, known among Men by 
 the Name of Samuel Fish (a Quaker who had been imprisoned). 
 
CURIOUS BOOKS. 721 
 
 A Shot aimed at the Devil's Head- Quarters through the 
 Tube of the Gannon of the Covenant. 
 
 Crumbs of Comfort for the Chickens of the Covenant. 
 
 Eggs of Charity, layed by the Chickens of the Covenant, and 
 boiled with the Water of Divine Love. Take Ye and eat. 
 
 High-heeled Shoes for Dwarfs in Holiness. 
 
 Hooks and Eyes for Believers' Breeches. 
 
 Matches lighted by the Divine Fire. 
 
 Seven Sobs of a Sorrowful Soul for Sin, or the Seven 
 Penitential Psalms of the Princely Prophet David; whereunto 
 are also added, William Humius' Handful of Honeysuckles, 
 and Divers Godly and Pithy Ditties, now newly augmented. 
 
 Spiritual Milk for Babes, drawn out of the Breasts of both 
 Testaments for their Souls' Nourishment : a catechism. 
 
 The Bank of Faith. 
 
 The Christian Sodality; or, Catholic Hive of Bees, sucking 
 the Honey of the Churches' Prayer from the Blossoms of the 
 Word of God, blowne out of the Epistles and Gospels of the 
 Divine Service throughout the yeare. Collected by the Puny 
 Bee of all the Hive not worthy to be named otherwise than by 
 these Elements of his "Name, F. P. 
 
 The Gun of Penitence. 
 
 The Innocent Love; or, the Holy Knight : a description of 
 the ardors of a saint for the Virgin. 
 
 The Shop of the Spiritual Apothecary; or a collection of 
 passages from the fathers. 
 
 The Sixpennyworth of Divine Spirit. 
 
 The Snuffers of Divine Love. 
 
 The Sound of the Trumpet : a work on the day of judgment. 
 
 The Spiritual Mustard Pot, to make the Soul Sneeze with 
 Devotion. 
 
 The Three Daughters of Job : a treatise on patience, forti- 
 tude, and pain. 
 
 Tobacco battered, and the Pipes shattered about their Ears 
 that idly idolize so loathsome a Vanity, by a Volley of holy 
 shot thundered from Mount Helicon: a poem against the use 
 of tobacco, by Joshua Sylvester. 
 2V 61 
 
722 CURIOUS BOOKS. 
 
 Vox Oozlis; or, Newes from Heaven: being imaginary con- 
 versations there between Henry VIII., Edward VI, Prince 
 Henrie, and others. 
 
 THE MOST CURIOUS BOOK IN THE WORLD. 
 
 The most singular bibliographic curiosity is that which be- 
 longed to the family of the Prince de Ligne, and is now in 
 France. It is entitled Liber Passionis Domini Nostri Jesu 
 Ohristi, cum Characteribus Nulla Materia Compositis. This 
 book is neither written nor printed ! The whole letters of the 
 text are cut out of each folio upon the finest vellum ; and, being 
 interleaved with blue paper, it is read as easily as the best print. 
 The labor and patience bestowed in its completion must have 
 been excessive, especially when the precision and minuteness 
 of the letters are considered. The general execution, in every 
 respect, is indeed admirable ; and the vellum is of the most 
 delicate and costly kind. Rodolphus II. of Germany offered 
 for it, in 1640, eleven thousand ducats, which was probably 
 equal to sixty thousand at this day. The most remarkable cir- 
 cumstance connected with this literary treasure is, that it bears 
 the royal arms of England, but it canhot be traced to have 
 ever been in that country. 
 
 SILVER BOOK. 
 
 In the Library of Upsal, in Sweden, there is preserved a 
 translation of the Four Gospels, printed with metal types upon 
 violet-colored vellum. The letters are silver, and hence it has 
 received the name of Codex Argenteus. The initial letters are 
 in gold. It is supposed that the whole was printed in the same 
 manner as bookbinders letter the titles of books on the back. 
 It was a very near approach to the discovery of the art of 
 printing ; but it is not known how old it is. 
 
 BOOK AMATEURS. 
 
 It was the Abbe* Rive, librarian to the Duke de la Valliere, 
 who made the following classification : — 
 
 A Bibliognoste is one knowing in title-pages and colophons, 
 
LITERARIANA. 723 
 
 and In editions ; when and where printed ; the presses whence 
 issued ; and all the minutiae of a book. 
 
 A Bibliographe is a describer of books and other literary 
 arrangements. 
 
 A Bibliomane is an indiscriminate accumulator, who blun- 
 ders faster than he buys, cock-brained and purse-heavy. 
 
 A Bibliophile, the lover of books, is the only one in the 
 class who appears to read them for his own pleasure. 
 
 A Bibliotaphe buries his books, by keeping them under 
 lock, or framing them in glass cases. 
 
 JUterartana. 
 
 THE LETTERS OP JUNIUS. 
 
 "Junius" was the name or signature of a writer who pub- 
 lished, at intervals between 1769 and 1772, a series of political 
 papers on the leading questions and men of that day. They 
 appeared in the newspaper called the Public Advertiser, and 
 attracted immense attention, partly from the high position of 
 the characters assailed, (among whom was George III. himself,) 
 and still more from their brilliancy of style, their boldness of 
 tone, and the tremendous severity of the invectives employed in 
 them. The letters are still models of that species of writing, 
 — though it has since risen to such a point of excellence gene- 
 rally as would greatly weaken the force of any similar pheno- 
 mena if appearing in our day. However, from the monarch 
 to the meanest of his subjects, all men were impressed deeply 
 at the time by the letters of Junius, the mystery attending 
 their authorship adding largely to their influence. It was a 
 mystery at the moment, and remains a puzzle still. Not even 
 the publisher, Woodfall, knew who his correspondent was, or, 
 at least, not certainly. Yet all the world felt the letters to be 
 the work of no common man. Their most remarkable feature, 
 
724 LITERARIANA. 
 
 indeed, was the intimate familiarity with high people and offi- 
 cial life which they so clearly evinced. " A traitor in the 
 camp I" was the cry of the leading statesmen of the period. 
 Hence it occurred that almost every person of talent and emi- 
 nence then living fell, or has since fallen, more or less under 
 the suspicion of being Junius. But his own words to Wood- 
 fall have as yet proved true : — " It is not in the nature of things 
 that you or anybody else should know me, unless I make my- 
 self known." He adds that he never will do so. " I am the 
 sole depository of my secret, and it shall die with me." If it 
 has not died with him, he at least has gone to the grave with- 
 out its divulgement by himself. But there may still be cir- 
 cumstantial evidence sufficient to betray him, in despite of all 
 his secretive care. 
 
 In Bush's Residence at the Court of London is preserved 
 an anecdote relating to the authorship of Junius, of interest 
 and apparent importance to the investigators of this vexed 
 question. It is as follows : — 
 
 Mr. Canning related an anecdote pertinent to the topic, de- 
 rived from the present king when Prince of Wales. It was to 
 the following effect. The late king was in the habit of going 
 to the theatre once a week at the time Junius's Letters were 
 appearing, and had a page in his service of the name of Bamus. 
 This page always brought the play-bill in to the king at tea- 
 time, on the evenings when he went. On the evening before 
 Sir Philip Francis sailed for India, Bamus handed to the king, 
 at the same time when delivering the play-bill, a note from 
 Garrick to Bamus, in which the former stated that there would 
 be no more letters from Junius. This was found to be the very 
 night on which Junius addressed his laconic note to Garrick, 
 threatening him with vengeance. Sir Philip did embark for 
 India next morning, and in point of fact the letters ceased to 
 appear from that very day. The anecdote added that there 
 lived with Sir Philip at the time a relation of Bamus, who 
 sailed in the morning with him. The whole narrative excited 
 much attention, and was new to most of the company. The first 
 
LITERARIANA. 725 
 
 impression it made was, not only that it went far towards show- 
 ing, by proof almost direct, that Sir Philip Francis was the 
 author, but that Garrick must have been in the secret. 
 
 The Bengal Hurkaru, a Calcutta paper, dated Feb. 19, 1855, 
 contains the following paragraph, which is the more interesting 
 when taken in conjunction with several facts connected with 
 Francis's residence there, as a member of the council, for 
 several years (1774-80). 
 
 " The Englishman (a military newspaper published in Cal- 
 cutta) states that there is a gentleman in Calcutta who pos- 
 sesses * an original document, the publication of which would 
 forever set at rest the vexata qusestio as to the authorship of the 
 Letters of Junius.' The document which we have seen is 
 what our cotemporary describes it to be, and bears three signa- 
 tures : that of ' Chatham/ on the right-hand side of the paper; 
 and on the left, those of Dr. Wilmot, and J. Dunning, after- 
 wards Lord Ashburton. The paper, the ink, and the writing 
 all induce us to believe that the document is genuine ; and we 
 understand that the gentleman in whose possession it is has 
 other documentary evidence corroborative of this, which still 
 further tends to clear up the riddle which so many have at- 
 tempted to read with small success. " 
 
 The incident related by Mr. Canning acquires additional 
 value and significance when considered in connection with the 
 evidence in favor of Francis, so concisely drawn up by Ma- 
 caulay in his Essay on the impeachment of Warren Hastings. 
 After an introductory allusion to the disputed authorship, Ma- 
 caulay goes on to say : — 
 
 The external evidence is, we think, such as would support a 
 verdict in a civil, nay, in a criminal, proceeding. The hand- 
 writing of Junius is the very peculiar handwriting of Francis, 
 slightly disguised. As to the position, pursuits, and connec- 
 tions of Junius, the following are the most important facts 
 which can be considered as clearly proved : first, that he was 
 acquainted with the technical forms of the Secretary of State's 
 office : secondly, that he was intimately acquainted with the 
 
 61* 
 
726 LITERARIANA. 
 
 business of the War Office ; thirdly, that he, during the year 
 1770, attended debates in the House of Lords, and took notes 
 of speeches, particularly of the speeches of Lord Chatham; 
 fourthly, that he bitterly resented the appointment of Mr. 
 Chamier to the place of Deputy Secretary at War ; fifthly, that 
 he was bound by some strong tie to the first Lord Holland. 
 Now, Francis passed some years in the Secretary of State's 
 office. He was subsequently chief clerk of the War Office. He 
 repeatedly mentioned that he had himself, in 1770, heard 
 speeches of Lord Chatham; and some of those speeches were 
 actually printed from his notes. He resigned his clerkship at 
 the War Office from resentment at the appointment of Mr. Cha- 
 mier. It was by Lord Holland that he was first introduced 
 into the public service. Now, here are five marks, all of which 
 ought to be found in Junius. They are all five found in Fran- 
 cis. We do not believe that more than two of them can be 
 found in any other person whatever. If this argument does 
 not settle the question, there is an end of all reasoning on cir- 
 cumstantial evidence. 
 
 The internal evidence seems to us to point the same way. 
 The style of Francis bears a strong resemblance to that of Ju- 
 nius ; nor are we disposed to admit, what is generally taken for 
 granted, that the acknowledged compositions of Francis are 
 very decidedly inferior to the anonymous letters. The argu- 
 ment from inferiority, at all events, is one which may be urged 
 with at least equal force against every claimant that has ever 
 been mentioned, with the single exception of Burke, who cer- 
 tainly was not Junius. And what conclusion, after all, can be 
 drawn from mere inferiority ? Every writer must produce his 
 best work ; and the interval between his best and his second- 
 best work may be very wide indeed. Nobody will say that the 
 best letters of Junius are more decidedly superior to the ac- 
 knowledged works of Francis than three or four of Corneille's 
 tragedies to the rest; than three or four of Ben Jonson's 
 comedies to the rest ; than the Pilgrim's Progress to the other 
 works of Bunyan; than Don Quixote to the other works of 
 
LITERARIANA. 727 
 
 Cervantes. Nay, it is certain that the Man in the Mask, who- 
 ever he may have been, was a most unequal writer. To go no 
 further than the letters which bear the signature of Junius, — 
 the letter to the king and the letters to Home Tooke have little 
 in common except the asperity ; and asperity was an ingredient 
 seldom wanting either in the writings or in the speeches of 
 Francis. 
 
 Indeed, one of the strongest reasons for believing that Francis 
 was Junius is the moral resemblance between the two men. It 
 is not difficult from the letters which, under various signatures, 
 are known to have been written by Junius, and from his deal- 
 ings with Woodfall and others, to form a tolerably correct no- 
 tion of his character. He was clearly a man not destitute of 
 real patriotism and magnanimity, — a man whose vices were not 
 of a sordid kind. But he must also have been a man in the 
 highest degree arrogant and insolent, a man prone to malevo- 
 lence, and prone to the error of mistaking his malevolence for 
 public virtue. " Doest thou well to be angry ?" was the ques- 
 tion asked in old time of the Hebrew prophet. And he an- 
 swered, "I do well." This was evidently the temper of Ju- 
 nius ', and to this cause we attribute the savage cruelty which 
 disgraces several of his letters. No man is so merciless as he 
 who, under a strong self-delusion, confounds his antipathies 
 with his duties. It may be added, that Junius, though allied 
 with the democratic party by common enmities, was the very 
 opposite of a democratic politician. While attacking indivi- 
 duals with a ferocity which perpetually violated all the laws of 
 literary warfare, he regarded the most defective parts of old 
 institutions with a respect amounting to pedantry, pleaded 
 the cause of Old Sarum with fervor, and contemptuously told 
 the capitalists of Manchester and Leeds that, if they wanted 
 votes, they might buy land and become freeholders of Lanca- 
 shire and Yorkshire. All this, we believe, might stand, with 
 scarcely any change, for a character of Philip Francis. 
 
 It is not strange that the great anonymous writer should 
 have been willing at that time to leave the country which had 
 
728 LITERARIANA. 
 
 been so powerfully stirred by his eloquence. Every thing had 
 gone against him. That party which he clearly preferred to 
 every other, the party of George Grenville, had been scattered 
 by the death of its chief, and Lord Suffolk had led the greater 
 part of it over to the ministerial benches. The ferment pro- 
 duced by the Middlesex election had gone down. Every fac- 
 tion must have been an object of aversion to Junius. His 
 opinions on domestic affairs separated him from the Ministry, 
 his opinions on colonial affairs from the Opposition. Under 
 such circumstances, he had thrown down his pen in misanthro- 
 pic despair. His farewell letter to Woodfall bears date Janu- 
 ary 19, 1773. In that letter he declared that he must be an 
 idiot to write again ; that he had meant well by the cause and 
 the public ; that both were given up ; that there were not ten 
 men who would act steadily together on any question. " But 
 it is all alike," he added, " vile and contemptible. You have 
 never flinched, that I know of; and I shall always rejoice to 
 hear of your prosperity." These were the last words of Ju- 
 nius. Soon afterwards Sir Philip Francis started on his voyage 
 to Bengal. 
 
 One of the ablest articles in favor of Lord Chatham may be 
 found in Hogg's Instructor, already quoted from. The writer 
 sums up his evidence in a masterly manner, and almost conclu- 
 sively, were it not that he still leaves, like others who have pre- 
 ceded him, a large space for an entering wedge. Nay, more : 
 he even divides the palm, and, though he gives the great Wil- 
 liam Pitt the chief glory, he intimates that Francis not only 
 wrote some of the epistles, but originated " the idea of so ope- 
 rating on the public mind." He says in his closing remarks, 
 in answer to the question, " Had Sir Philip Francis no share 
 in the Junian Letters V " He certainly was privy, we imagine, 
 to the whole business, and, indeed, very probably wrote some 
 of the earlier and less important epistles. He had been private 
 secretary to Chatham at one time, and was his friend, or rather 
 idolizing follower, through life. But he was not Junius. He 
 may even have begun the epistolary series, and may deserve 
 
LITERARIANA. 729 
 
 the credit, perhaps, of having suggested the idea of so opera- 
 ting on the public mind. But still he was not Nbminis Umbra 
 himself. In answering the queries of Lord Campbell, Lady 
 Francis, while owning that Sir Philip never called himself 
 Junius to her, assumes nevertheless that he was that mystic 
 being, but adds that after he had begun the letters a ' new 
 and powerful ally' came to his assistance. The whole mystery 
 is here laid bare. Lord Chatham is clearly the ally meant; and 
 the testimony of- Lady Francis, therefore, founded on the reve- 
 lations of her husband, may be held as fully establishing our 
 present hypothesis." 
 
 Yet Francis and Chatham both " died and left no sign :" the 
 question is therefore still open to discussion, and, as a late 
 writer has remarked, it is not a mere question of curiosity. 
 He recommends it to the study of every barrister who wishes 
 to make himself acquainted with the Theory of Evidence. 
 There is scarcely a claim that has been put forward as yet, which 
 he will not find worthy of his attention, especially when he con- 
 siders the remarkable coincidences which have generally been 
 the occasion of their being brought forward. He adds that he 
 has during the last thirty years successively admitted the 
 claims of five or six of the candidates, but that now he does 
 not believe in one of them. 
 
 gray's elegy. 
 
 Never the verse approve and hold as good 
 Till many a day and many a blot has wrought 
 The polished work, and chastened every thought 
 By tenfold labor to perfection brought. — Horace. 
 
 The original MS. of this immortal poem was lately sold at 
 auction in London. At a former sale (1845) it was purchased, 
 together with the " Odes," by a Mr. Penn. He gave $500 for 
 the Elegy alone. He was proud, says the London Athenseum, 
 of his purchase, — so proud, indeed, that binders were employed 
 to inlay them on fine paper, bind them up in volumes of richly- 
 tooled olive morocco with silk linings, and finally enclose each 
 volume in a case of plain purple morocco. The order was care- 
 
730 LITERARTANA. 
 
 fully carried out, and the volumes were deposited at Stoke 
 Pogis, in the great house adjoining the grave of Gray. The 
 MS. of the Elegy is full of verbal alterations : it is the only 
 copy known to exist, and is evidently Gray's first grouping 
 together of the stanzas as a whole. As the Elegy is known 
 and admired by almost every one conversant with the English 
 language, we select some of the verses, to show the alterations 
 made by the author. The established text is printed in Ro- 
 man type, the MS. readings as originally written, in Italics : — 
 
 Of such as wandering near her secret bower 
 
 stray too 
 The rude forefathers of the hamlet sleep 
 
 village 
 The breezy call of incense-breathing morn, 
 Forever sleep ; the breezy call of 
 The cock's shrill clarion, or the echoing horn 
 Or Chanticleer so shrill, 
 Or climb his knees the envied kiss to share 
 coming 
 doubtful 
 Let not ambition mock their useful toil, 
 
 homely 
 Their homely joys 
 
 rustic 
 Nor you, ye proud, impute to these the fault 
 Forgive, ye proud, th' involuntary fault 
 Can honor's voice provoke the silent dust 
 
 awake 
 Chill penury repress'd their noble rage 
 
 had darnp'd 
 Some mute inglorious Milton here may rest, 
 
 Tully 
 Some Cromwell 
 
 Csesar 
 Their growing virtues, but their crimes confined 
 
 struggling 
 They kept the noiseless tenor of their way 
 
 silent 
 Even in our ashes live their wonted fires 
 And buried ashes glow with social 
 Brushing with hasty steps the dews away 
 With hasty footsteps brush 
 
LITERARIANA. 731 
 
 There, at the foot of yonder nodding beech 
 Oft hoary 
 
 spreading 
 Hard by yon wood, now smiling as in scorn 
 With gestures quaint 
 Muttering his wayward fancies, he would rove .. 
 
 fond conceits, he wont to 
 Along the heath, and near his favorite tree 
 By the heath side 
 The next, with dirges due, in sad array 
 
 meet 
 Graved on the stone beneath yon aged thorn 
 Wrote that 
 
 Carved 
 Large was his bounty, and his soul sincere 
 
 heart 
 Or draw his frailties from their dread abode 
 Nor seek to draw them 
 There they alike in trembling hope repose 
 His frailties there 
 
 In the original manuscript copy, after the eighteenth stanza, 
 are the four following verses, which were evidently intended to 
 complete the poem, but the idea of the hoary-headed swain 
 occurring to the author, he rejected them: — 
 The thoughtless world to majesty may bow, 
 
 Exalt the brave and idolize success ; 
 But more to innocence their safety owe, 
 
 Than power or genius ere conspired to bless. 
 
 And thou who, mindful of the unhonored dead, 
 
 Dost in these notes their artless tale relate j 
 By night and lonely contemplation led 
 
 To wander in the gloomy walks of fate : 
 Hark ! how the sacred calm that breathes around 
 
 Bids every fierce, tumultuous passion cease, 
 In still, small accents breathing from the ground 
 
 A grateful earnest of eternal peace. 
 No more with reason and thyself at strife, 
 
 Give anxious cares and endless wishes room; 
 But through the cool sequestered vale of life 
 
 Pursue the silent tenor of thy doom. 
 After the twenty-fifth stanza was the following : — 
 Him have we seen the greenwood side along, 
 
 While o'er the heath we hied, our labor done, 
 
732 LITERARIANA. 
 
 Oft as the woodlark piped her farewell song, 
 With wistful eyes pursue the setting sun. 
 
 Preceding the epitaph was the following beautiful allusion 
 to the rustic tomb of the village scholar : — 
 There scattered oft, the earliest of the year, 
 
 By hands unseen, are showers of violets found; 
 The redbreast loves to build and warble there, 
 And little footsteps lightly print the ground. 
 
 G-ray began the composition of this exquisite poem in 1742 ; 
 but so carefully did he proceed, that it remained on his hands 
 for seven years. It is believed to have been mostly written 
 within the precincts of the church at Granchester, about two 
 miles from Cambridge; and the curfew in the poet's mind was 
 accordingly the great bell of St. Mary's, tolled regularly every 
 evening at nine o'clock in Gray's time and since. 
 
 As a piece of finished composition, possessing all the ele- 
 ments of true poetry, in conception, in illustration, in the me- 
 chanical structure of the verse, in the simplicity of the style, 
 in the touching nature of the ideas, the Elegy won from the 
 outset a fame which, as a century of time has but served to 
 make it more certain and more illustrious, is likely to last as 
 long as mankind have the feelings of mortality. 
 
 As illustrations of the popularity of this poem, we may cite 
 two historical incidents that will be interesting and acceptable 
 to the reader. 
 
 On the night of September 13, 1759, — the night before the 
 capture of Quebec by the English, — as the boats were floating 
 down the river to the appointed landing, under cover of the 
 night, and in the stillness of a silence constrained on pain of 
 death, Gen. Wolfe, just arisen from a bed of sickness, harassed 
 with the anxieties of a protracted yet fruitless campaign, and his 
 mind filled with the present hazard, slowly and softly repeated 
 its soothing lines ; and he added to the officers around him, 
 " Now, gentlemen, I would prefer being the author of that 
 poem to the glory of beating the French to-morrow." 
 
 On the night of October 23, 1852, — the night before Daniel 
 Webster's death, — the great statesman, having already been 
 
LITERARIANA. 733 
 
 informed by his medical attendant that nothing further could 
 be done, except to render his last hours more quiet, said, some- 
 what indistinctly, the words, " Poetry, poetry, — Gray, Gray I" 
 His son repeated the opening line of the Elegy, and Mr. Web- 
 ster said, " That is it I that is it 1" The volume was brought, 
 and several stanzas of the poem were read to him, which gave 
 him evident pleasure. 
 
 Among the many who have sought notoriety by pinning 
 themselves to the skirts of Gray is a Mr. Edwards, author of 
 The Canons of Criticism. This gentleman, though a bachelor, 
 was more attentive to the fair sex than the pindaric Elegist, 
 and, thinking there was a defect in the immortal poem that 
 should be supplied, wrote the following creditable stanzas, 
 which remind one of Maud Mutter, to be introduced imme- 
 diately after " some Cromwell guiltless," &c. 
 
 Some lovely fair, whose unaffected charms 
 Shone forth, attraction in herself unknown, 
 
 Whose beauty might have blest a monarch's arms, 
 And virtue cast a lustre on a throne. 
 
 That humble beauty warmed an honest heart 
 And cheered the labors of a faithful spouse; 
 
 That virtue formed for every decent part 
 
 The healthful offspring that adorned their house. 
 
 The following beautiful imitation, by an American poet, is the 
 best that has ever been offered to supply another remarkable 
 deficiency, — the absence of such reflections on the sublime 
 truths and inspiring hopes of Christianity as the scene would 
 naturally awaken in a pious mind. With the exception of 
 two or three somewhat equivocal expressions, Gray says 
 scarcely a word which might not have been said by any one 
 who believed that death is an eternal sleep, and who was 
 disposed to regard the humble tenants of those tombs as 
 indeed " each in his narrow cell forever laid." A supplement 
 according so well with the Elegy, both in elevation of senti- 
 ment and force of diction, as the following, might appropriately 
 have followed the stanza, — 
 
 " Far from the madding crowd's ignoble strife." 
 62 
 
734 LITERARIANA. 
 
 No airy dreams their simple fancies fired, 
 No thirst for wealth, nor panting after fame ; 
 
 But truth divine suhlimer hopes inspired, 
 And urged them onward to a nobler aim. 
 
 From every cottage, with the day, arose 
 The hallowed voice cf spirit-breathing prayer; 
 
 And artless anthems, at its peaceful close, 
 Like holy incense, charmed the evening air. 
 
 Though they, each tome of human lore unknown, 
 
 The brilliant path of science never trod, 
 The sacred volume claimed their hearts alone, 
 
 Which taught the way to glory and to God. 
 
 Here they from truth's eternal fountain drew 
 The pure and gladdening waters, day by day j 
 
 Learned, since our days are evil, fleet, and few, 
 To walk in Wisdom's bright and peaceful way. 
 
 In yon lone pile o'er which hath sternly passed 
 
 The heavy hand of all-destroying Time, 
 Through whose low mouldering aisles now sigh the blast, 
 
 And round whose altars grass and ivy climb, 
 
 They gladly thronged, their grateful hymns to raise, 
 
 Oft as the calm and holy Sabbath shone ; 
 The mingled tribute of their prayers and praise 
 
 In sweet communion rose before the throne. 
 
 Here, from those honored lips which sacred fire 
 
 From Heaven's high chancery hath touched, they hear 
 
 Truths which their zeal inflame, their hopes inspire, 
 Give wings to faith, and check affliction's tear. 
 
 When life flowed by, and, like an angel, Death 
 
 Came to release them to the world on high, 
 Praise trembled still on each expiring breath, 
 
 And holy triumph beame.d from every eye. 
 
 Then gentle hands their "dust to dust" consign ; 
 
 With quiet tears, the simple rites are said, 
 And here they sleep, till at the trump divine 
 
 The earth and ocean render up their dead. 
 
 SCENE FROM THE PARTING INTERVIEW OP HECTOR AND 
 ANDROMACHE. 
 
 From the manuscript of Pope's translation of Homer's Iliad 
 we select a passage, with its alterations and emendations, cha- 
 
LITERARIANA. 735 
 
 racteristic, like those of the foregoing, of the taste and preci- 
 sion of the author. It is interesting to note the variety of 
 epithets, the imperfect idea, the gradual embellishment, and the 
 critical erasures. But in their contemplation, ratfier than say, 
 with Waller, — 
 
 Poets lose half the praise they should have got, 
 Could it be known what they discreetly blot, 
 
 we should feel with Dr. Johnson, who remarked, upon examin- 
 ing the MSS. of Milton, that "such relics show how excellence 
 is acquired : what we hope ever to do with ease we must learn 
 first to do with diligence." Johnson himself employed the 
 limse laborem on The Rambler to an extent almost incredible, 
 and, according to Boswell, unknown in the annals of literature. 
 Dr. Nash remarks that it is more difficult, and requires a 
 greater mastery of art, in painting to foreshorten a figure ex- 
 actly than to draw three at their just length ; so it is more 
 difficult in writing, to express any thing naturally and briefly 
 than to enlarge and dilate. 
 
 And therefore a judicious author's blots 
 
 Are more ingenious than his first free thoughts. 
 
 Thus having spoke, the illustrious chief of Troy 
 Extends his eager arms to embrace his boy, 
 
 lovely 
 Stretched his fond arms to seize the beauteous boy ; 
 
 The boy clung crying to his nurse's breast, 
 Scared at the dazzling helm and nodding crest. 
 
 each kind 
 With silent pleasure the fond parent smiled, 
 And Hector hasted to relieve his child. 
 The glittering terrors unbound, 
 
 His radiant helmet from his brows tinbraced, 
 
 on the ground he 
 And on the ground the glittering terror placed, 
 
 beamy 
 And placed the radiant helmet on the ground ; 
 Then seized the boy, and raising him in air, 
 
 lifting 
 Then, fondling in his arms his infant heir, 
 
 dancing 
 Thus to the gods addressed a father's prayer : 
 
736 LITERARIANA. 
 
 t glory fills 
 
 thou, whose thunder shakes th' ethereal throne, 
 
 And # all ye other powers, protect my son ! 
 
 Like mine, this war, blooming youth with every virtue blest t 
 
 grace 
 The shield and glory of the Trojan race ; 
 Like mine, his valor and his just renown, 
 Like mine, his labors to defend the crown. 
 Grunt him, like me, to purchase just renown, 
 
 the Trojans, 
 To guard my country, to defend the crown ; 
 In arms like me, his country's war to wage, 
 Against his country's foes the war to wage, 
 And rise the Hector of the future age ! 
 successful 
 So when, triumphant from the glorious toils, 
 Of heroes slain he bears the reeking spoils, 
 Whole hosts may 
 All Troy shall hail him, with deserved acclaim, 
 
 own the son 
 And cry, This chief transcends his father's fame j 
 While, pleased, amidst the general shouts of Troy, 
 His mother's conscious heart o'erflows with joy. 
 
 fondly on her 
 He said, and, gazing o'er his consort's charms, 
 Restored his infant to her longing arms : 
 
 on 
 Soft in her fragrant breast the babe she laid, 
 * Pressed to her heart, and with a smile surveyed; 
 
 to repose , 
 
 Hushed him to rest, and with a smile surveyed ; 
 
 passion 
 But soon the troubled pleasure mixed with rising feart 
 
 dashed with fear, 
 The tender pleasure soon chastised by fear, 
 She mingled with the smile a tender tear. 
 
 Tn the established text will be found still further variations. 
 These are marked below in Italics : — 
 
 Thus having spoke, the illustrious chief of Troy 
 Stretched his fond arms to clasp the lovely boy. 
 The babe clung crying to his nurse's breast, 
 Scared at the dazzling helm and nodding crest. 
 With secret pleasure each fond parent smiled, 
 And Hector hasted to relieve his child. 
 
LITERARIANA. 737 
 
 The glittering terrors from his brows unbound, 
 And placed the beaming helmet on the ground; 
 Then kissed the child, and lifting high in air, 
 Thus to the gods preferred a father's prayer: — 
 
 thou, whose glory fills th' ethereal throne, 
 And all ye deathless powers, protect my son ! 
 Grant him, like me, to purchase just renown, 
 To guard the Trojans, to defend the crown; 
 Against his country's foes the war to wage, 
 And rise the Hector of the future age ! 
 So when, triumphant from successful toils, 
 Of heroes slain, he bears the reeking spoils, 
 Whole hosts may hail him, with deserved acclaim, 
 And say, This chief transcends his father's fame; 
 While, pleased, amidst the general shouts of Troy, 
 His mother's conscious heart o'erflows with joy. 
 
 He spoke, and, fondly gazing on her charms, 
 Restored the pleasing burden to her arms: 
 Soft on her fragrant breast the babe she laid, 
 Hushed to repose, and with a smile surveyed. 
 The troubled pleasure soon chastised by fear, 
 She mingled with the smile a tender tear. 
 
 pope's versification. 
 
 The mechanical structure of Pope's verses may be shown by 
 omitting dissyllabic qualifying words, which are comparatively 
 unimportant, and converting a ten-syllable into an eight-syllable 
 metre, as in the following examples. First read the full text 
 as in the original, and then read with the words in brackets 
 omitted: — 
 
 Achilles' wrath, to Greece the [direful] spring 
 Of woes unnumbered, [Heavenly] Goddess, sing ! 
 That wrath which hurled to Pluto's [gloomy] reign 
 The souls of [mighty] chiefs untimely slain; 
 Whose limbs unburied on the [naked] shore, 
 Devouring dogs and [hungry] vultures tore — 
 
 Now turn from the Iliad to the Rape of the Lock: — 
 
 And now [unveiled] the toilet stands displayed, 
 Each silver vase in [mystic] order laid. 
 A [heavenly] image in the glass appears, 
 To that she bends, [to that] her eyes she rears; 
 2W 62* 
 
f38 LITERARIANA. 
 
 The [inferior] priestess at her altar's side, 
 [Trembling] begins the sacred rights of pride. 
 Unnumbered treasures ope [at once], and here 
 The [varied] offerings of the world appear. 
 From each she nicely culls with [curious] toil, 
 And decks the goddess with the [glittering] spoil. 
 
 IMPORTANCE OF PUNCTUATION. 
 
 The following passage occurs in Marlowe's Edward II. : — 
 
 Mortimer Jun. — This letter written by a friend of ours, 
 Contains his death, yet bids them save his life. 
 Edwardum occidere nolite timere, bonum est. 
 Fear not to kill the king, 'tis good he die. 
 But read it thus, and that's another sense : 
 Edwardum occidere nolite, timere bonum est. 
 Kill not the king, 'tis good to fear the worst. 
 Unpointed as it is, thus shall it go, &c. 
 
 Mr. Collier appends the following note : — 
 
 Sir J. Harington has an Epigram [L. i., E. 33] "Of writing with double 
 pointing," which is thus introduced: — "It is said that King Edward, of 
 Carnarvon, lying at Berkely Castle, prisoner, a cardinal wrote to his 
 keeper, Edwardum occidere noli, timere bonum est, which being read with 
 the point at timere, it cost the king his life." 
 
 The French have a proverb, Faute d'un point Martin per- 
 dit son ane, (through want of a point [or stop] Martin lost 
 his ass,) equivalent to the English saying, A miss is as good as 
 a mile. This proverb originated from the following circum- 
 stance : — A priest named Martin, being appointed abbot of a 
 religious house called Asello, directed this inscription to be 
 placed over his gate : — 
 
 Porta patens esto, nulli clattdatur honesto. 
 
 (Gate, be thou open, — to no honest man be shut.) 
 
 But the ignorant painter, by placing the stop after the word 
 
 nulli, entirely altered the sense of the verse, which then stood 
 
 thus : — 
 
 Gate, be open to none; — be shut against every honest man. 
 
 The Pope being informed of this uncharitable inscription, took 
 up the matter in a very serious light, and deposed the abbot. 
 His successor was careful to correct the punctuation of the 
 
LITERARIANA. 739 
 
 verse, to which the following line was added :— • 
 
 Pro solo puncto caruit Martinus Asello. 
 (For a single stop Martin lost Asello.) 
 
 The word Asello having an equivocal sense, signifying an 
 ass as well as the name of the abbey, its former signification 
 has been adopted in the proverb. 
 
 A nice point has recently occupied the attention of the 
 French courts of law. Mons. de M. died on the 27th of 
 February, leaving a will, entirely in his own handwriting, 
 which he concludes thus : — 
 
 " And to testify my affection for my nephews Charles and 
 Henri de M., I bequeath to each d'eux [i.e. of them] [or 
 deux, i.e. two] hundred thousand francs." 
 
 The paper was folded before the ink was dry, and the 
 writing is blotted in many places. The legatees assert that 
 the apostrophe is one of those blots ; but the son and heir-at- 
 law maintains, on the contrary, that the apostrophe is inten- 
 tional. This apostrophe is worth to him two hundred thou- 
 sand francs ; and the difficulty is increased by the fact that 
 there is nothing in the context that affords any clew to the 
 real intention of the testator. 
 
 Properly punctuated, the following nonsense becomes sensible 
 rhyme, and is doubtless as true as it is curious, though as it 
 now stands it is very curious if true : — 
 
 I saw a pigeon making bread ; 
 
 I saw a girl composed of thread ; 
 
 I saw a towel one mile square ; 
 
 I saw a meadow in the air ; 
 
 I saw a rocket walk a mile ; 
 
 I saw a pony make a file ; 
 
 I saw a blacksmith in a box ; 
 
 I saw an orange kill an ox ; 
 
 I saw a butcher made of steel $ 
 
 I saw a penknife dance a reel j 
 
 I saw a sailor twelve feet high j 
 
 I saw a ladder in a pie ; 
 
 I saw an apple fly awayj 
 
740 LITERARIANA. 
 
 I saw a sparrow making hay; 
 
 I saw a farmer like a dog ; 
 
 I saw a puppy mixing grog ; 
 
 I saw three men who saw these too, 
 
 And will confirm what I tell you. 
 
 The following is a good example of the unintelligible, pro- 
 duced by the want of pauses in their right places : — 
 
 Every lady in this land 
 Hath twenty nails upon each hand ; 
 Five and twenty on hands and feet, 
 And this is true without deceit. 
 
 Punctuated thus, the true meaning will at once appear : — 
 Every lady in this land 
 Hath twenty nails : upon each hand 
 Five ; and twenty on hands and feet j 
 And this is true without deceit. 
 
 The wife of a mariner about to sail on a distant voyage sent 
 a note to the clergyman of the parish, expressing the following 
 meaning : — 
 
 A husband going to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the 
 congregation. 
 
 Unfortunately, the good matron was not skilled in punctua- 
 tion, nor had the minister quick vision. He read the note as 
 it was written : — 
 
 A husband going to see his wife, desires the prayers of the 
 congregation. 
 
 Horace Smith, speaking of the ancient Oracles, says, " If 
 the presiding deities had not been shrewd punsters, or able to 
 inspire the Pythoness with ready equivoques, the whole esta- 
 blishment must speedily have been declared bankrupt. Some- 
 times they only dabbled in accentuation, and accomplished 
 their prophecies by the transposition of a stop, as in the well- 
 known answer to a soldier inquiring his fate in the war for 
 which he was about to embark. Ibis, redibis. Nunquam 
 in bello peribis. (You will go, you will return. Never in 
 war will you perish.) The warrior set off in high spirits upon 
 the faith of this prediction, and fell in the first engagement, 
 
lilTERARIANA. 741 
 
 when his widow had the satisfaction of being informed that 
 he should have put the full stop after the word nunquam, 
 which would probably have put a full stop to his enterprise 
 and saved his life." 
 
 INDIAN HERALDRY. 
 
 A sanguine Frenchman had so high an opinion of the plea- 
 sure to be enjoyed in the study of heraldry, that he used to 
 lament, as we are informed by Menage, the hard case of our 
 forefather Adam, who could not possibly amuse himself by in- 
 vestigating that science or that of genealogy. 
 
 A similar instance of egregious preference for a favorite 
 study occurs in a curious work on Heraldry, published in Lon- 
 don, in 1682, the author of which adduces, as an argument of 
 the science of heraldry being founded on the universal propen- 
 sities of human nature, the fact of having seen some American 
 Indians with their skins tattooed in stripes parallel and crossed 
 (barries). The book bears the following title : — Introductio ad 
 Latinam Blasoniam. Authore Johanne Gibbono Armorum- 
 servulo quern a mantilio dicunt Cseruleo. The singular and 
 amusing extract appended is copied from page 156 : — 
 
 The book entitled Jews in America tells you that the 
 sachem and chief princes of the Nunkyganses, in New Eng- 
 land, submitted to King Charles I., subscribing their names, 
 and setting their seals, which were a bow bent, charged 
 
 WITH AN ARROW, A T REVERSED, A TOMAHAWK OR HATCHET 
 
 erected, such a one borne barrywise, edge downward, and a 
 pawn. A great part of Anno 1659, till February the year 
 following, I lived in Virginia, being most hospitably enter- 
 tained by the honorable Col. R. Lee, sometime secretary of state 
 there, and who after the king's martyrdom hired a Dutch 
 vessel, 'freighted her himself, and went to Brussels, surrendered 
 up Sir William Barclaie's old commission (for the govern- 
 ment of that Province), and received a new one from his pre- 
 sent majesty (a loyal action, and deserving my commemora- 
 tion) : neither will I omit his arms, being Gul. A Fes. chequy, 
 
742 LITERARIANA. 
 
 or, Bl between eight billets Arg. being descended from 
 the Lees of Shropshire, who sometimes bore eight billets, some- 
 times ten, and sometimes the Fesse Contercompone (as I have 
 seen by our office-records). I will blason it thus : In Glypeo ru- 
 tilo ; Fasciam pluribus quadratic auri et cyani, alternis sequis- 
 que spaciis ' (ducter triplici positis) confectam et inter octo 
 Plinthides argenteas collocatam. I say, while I lived in Vir- 
 ginia, I saw once a war-dance acted by the natives. The dancers 
 were painted some party per pale GrUL. et sab. from fore- 
 head to foot (some party per pesse, of the same colors), and 
 carried little ill-made shields of bark, also painted of those 
 colors (for I saw no other), some party per fesse, some per 
 pale (and some barry), at which I exceedingly wondered, 
 and concluded that heraldry was engrafted naturally into the 
 sense of the human race. If so, it deserves a greater esteem 
 than is now-a-days put upon it. 
 
 THE ANACHRONISMS OP SHAKSPEARE. 
 
 Poets, in the proper exercise of their art, may claim greater 
 license of invention and speech, and far greater liberty of illus- 
 tration and embellishment, than is allowed to the sober writer 
 of history ; but historical truth or chronological accuracy should 
 not be entirely sacrificed to dramatic effect, especially when the 
 poem is founded upon history, or designed generally to repre- 
 sent historical truth. In the matchless works of Shakspeare 
 we look instinctively for exactness in the details of time, place, 
 and circumstance ) and it is therefore with no little surprise 
 that we find he has misplaced, in such instances as the follow- 
 ing, the chronological order of events, of the true state of 
 which it can hardly be supposed he was ignorant. 
 
 In the play of Coriolanus, Titus Lartius is made to say, 
 addressing C. Marcius,— 
 
 Thou wast a soldier even to Cato's wish. 
 
 It is a little curious how Marcius could have been a soldier 
 to " Cato's wish," for Marcius, surnamed Coriolanus, was ban- 
 ished from Rome and died more than two hundred years be- 
 fore Cato's eyes first saw the light. In the same play Mene- 
 
LITERARIANA. 743 
 
 mus says of Marcius, " He sits in his state as a thing made for 
 Alexander/' or like Alexander. The anachronism made in 
 this case is almost as bad as that just given, for Coriolanus was 
 banished from Rome and died not far from B.C. 490, and 
 Alexander was not born until almost one hundred and fifty 
 years after. And the poet in the same play makes still an- 
 other error in the words which he puts in the mouth of Mene- 
 nius : — " The most sovereign prescription in Galen is but enipi- 
 ricutic." Now, as the renowned " father of medicine" was not 
 born until a.d. 130, of which fact it seems hardly probable 
 that Shakspeare could have been ignorant, he has overleaped 
 more than six hundred years to introduce Galen to his readers. 
 In the tragedy of Julius Csesar occurs a historical inac- 
 curacy which cannot be excused on the ground of dramatic 
 effect. It must be imputed to downright carelessness. It is 
 in the following lines : — 
 
 Brutus. Peace ! count the clock. 
 Cassius. The clock has stricken three. 
 
 Oassius and Brutus both must have been endowed with the 
 vision of a prophet, for the first striking clock was not intro- 
 duced into Europe until more than eight hundred years after 
 they had been laid in their graves. And in the tragedy of 
 King Lear there is an inaccuracy, in regard to spectacles, as 
 great as that in Julius Ccesar respecting clocks. King Lear 
 was king of Britain in the early Anglo-Saxon period of 
 English history; yet Gloster, commanding his son to show him 
 a letter which he holds in his hands, says, " Come, let's see : 
 if it be nothing, I shall not want spectacles." It is generally 
 admitted that spectacles were not worn in Europe until the 
 end of the thirteenth or the commencement of the fourteenth 
 century. 
 
 Shakspeare also anticipates in at least two plays, and by 
 many years, the important event of the first use of cannon in 
 battle or siege. In his great tragedy of Macbeth, he speaks 
 of cannon "overcharged with double cracks;" and King John 
 says,— 
 
744 LITERARIANA. 
 
 Be thou as lightning in the eyes of France, 
 For ere thou canst report, I will he there; 
 The thunder of iny cannon shall he heard. 
 
 Cannon, it will be recollected, were first used at Cressy, in 
 1346, whereas Macbeth was killed in 1054, and John did not 
 begin to reign until 1199. In the Comedy of Errors, the 
 scene of which is laid in the ancient city of Ephesus, mention 
 is made of modern denominations of money, as guilders and 
 ducats; also of a striking clock, and a nunnery. 
 
 shakspeare's heroines. 
 
 Ruskin says : — Shakspeare has no heroes — he has only hero- 
 ines. There is not one entirely heroic figure in all his plays, except 
 the slight sketch of Henry the Fifth, exaggerated for the pur- 
 poses of the stage, and the still slighter Valentine in the Two 
 Gentlemen of Verona. In his labored and perfect plays you 
 have no hero. Othello would have been one, if his simplicity 
 had not been so great as to leave him the prey of every base prac- 
 tice around him ; but he is the only example even approxima- 
 ting the heroic type. Hamlet is indolent and drowsily specula- 
 tive; Romeo an impatient boy. Whereas there is hardly a 
 play that has not a perfect woman in it, steadfast in grave hope 
 and errorless purpose. Cordelia, Desdemona, Isabella, Hermione, 
 Imogen e, Queen Katherine, Perdita, Silvia, Viola, Rosalind, 
 Helena, and last, and perhaps loveliest, Virgilia, are all faultless. 
 
 shakspeare and typography. 
 
 The great Caxton authority in England — Mr. William Blades 
 — has turned his attention to Shakspeare, and applies his know- 
 ledge as a practical printer to the poet's works, in order to see 
 what acquaintance they show with the compositor's art. The 
 result is strikingly set forth in a volume entitled " Shahspeare 
 and Typography." Many instances of the use of technical terms 
 by Shakspeare are cited by Mr. Blades, such as the following: — 
 
 1. " Come we to full points here ? And are et ceteras nothing ? — 2 Henry 
 IV., ii. 4." 
 
LITERARIANA. 745 
 
 2. " If a book is folio, and two pages of type have been composed, they 
 are placed in proper position upon the imposing stone, and enclosed within 
 an iron or steel frame, called a 'chase,' small wedges of hard wood, termed 
 
 * coigns' or 'quoins/ being driven in at opposite sides to make all tight. 
 
 By the four opposing coigns 
 
 Which the world together joins. — Pericles, iii. 1. 
 
 This is just the description of a form in folio, where two quoins 
 on one side are always opposite to two quoins on the other, thus 
 together joining and tightening all the separate stamps/' 
 
 shakspeare's sonnets. 
 
 Schlegel says that sufficient use has not been made of 
 Shakspeare's Sonnets as important materials for his biography. 
 Let us see to what conclusions they may lead us. In Sonnet 
 xxxvil., for example, he says : — 
 
 As a decrepit father takes delight 
 
 To see his active child do deeds of youth, 
 
 So I, made lame by fortune's dearest spite, 
 Take all my comfort of thy worth and truth. 
 
 And again, in Sonnet lxxxix., — 
 
 Say that thou didst forsake me for some fault, 
 And I will comment upon that offence ; 
 
 Speak of my lameness, and I straight will halt, 
 Against thy reasons making no defence. 
 
 Was Shakspeare lame? "A question to be asked;" and 
 there is nothing in the inquiry repugnant to poetic justice, for 
 he has made Julius Caesar deaf in his left ear. Where did he 
 get his authority ? 
 
 hamlet's age. 
 
 Shakspeare's Hamlet was thirty years old, as is indicated by 
 the text in Act. V. Sc. 1 : — 
 
 Ham. How long hast thou been a grave-maker? 
 
 1 Clo. Of all the days i' the year, I came to't that day that our last King 
 Hamlet o'ercame Fortinbras. 
 
 Ham. How long is that since ? 
 
 1 Clo. Cannot you tell that? Every fool can tell that: it was the very 
 day that young Hamlet was born : he that is mad and sent into England 
 
 * * -* * * * * ' * 
 
 63 
 
746 LITERARIANA. 
 
 Ham. Upon what ground ? 
 
 1 Clo. Why, here in Denmark. I have been sexton heie, man and boy 
 
 thirty years. 
 
 hamlet's insanity. 
 
 It is strange that there should be any doubts whether Ham- 
 let was really or feignedly insane. His assertion to the Queen, 
 after putting off his assumed tricks (iii. 4.), 
 
 That I essentially am not in madness, 
 
 But mad in craft, 
 
 is surely admissible testimony. But he gives us other evidence 
 based upon the difficulty of recalling a train of thought, an in- 
 variable accompaniment of insanity, inasmuch as it is an act in 
 which both brains are concerned. He says, — 
 
 Bring me to the test, 
 And I the matter will re-word ; which madness 
 Would gambol from. 
 
 There are no instances of insanity on record, however slight 
 and uncognizable by any but an experienced medical man, 
 where the patient, after relating a short history of his com- 
 plaints, physical, moral, or social, could, on being requested to 
 reiterate the narrative, follow the same series, and repeat the 
 same words, even with the limited correctness of a sane person.* 
 
 ADDITIONAL VERSES TO HOME, SWEET HOME. 
 
 In the winter of 1833, John Howard Payne, the author of 
 Home, Sweet Home, called upon an American lady, the wife 
 of an eminent banker living in London, and presented to her a 
 copy of the original, set to music, with the two following addi- 
 tional verses addressed to her : — 
 
 To us, in despite of the absence of years, 
 
 How sweet the remembrance of home still appears ! 
 
 * " There was disorder in the mind — a disturbance of the intellect, some- 
 thing more than that which he was feigning; but if the question of in- 
 sanity involve the question whether his mind ceased to be under the mas- 
 tery of his will, assuredly there was no such aberration." (Reed's Lectures.) 
 
 Dr. Johnson goes further, declaring that Hamlet " does nothing which 
 he might not have done with the reputation of sanity." 
 
LITERARIANA. 747 
 
 From allurements abroad, which but flatter the eye, 
 The unsatisfied heart turns, and says, with a sigh, 
 Home, home, sweet, sweet home ! 
 
 There's no place like home ! 
 
 There's no place like homo ! 
 
 Your exile is blest with all fate can bestow, 
 But mine has been checkered with many a woe ! 
 Yet, though different our fortunes, our thoughts are the same, 
 And both, as we think of Columbia, exclaim, 
 Home, home, sweet, sweet home ! etc. 
 
 THE STEREOTYPED FALSITIES OP HISTORY. 
 
 Thinking to amuse my father once, after his retirement from the ministry, 
 I offered to read a book of history. "Any thing but history," said he; "for 
 history must be false." — Walpoliana. 
 
 What massive volumes would the reiterated errors and falsi- 
 ties of history fill, could they be collected in one grand omni- 
 ana ! Historians in every period of the world, narrowed and 
 biassed by surrounding circumstances, each in his pent-up Utica 
 confined, have lacked the fairness and impartiality necessary to 
 insure a full conviction of their truthfulness. Men not only 
 suffer their opinions and their prejudices to mislead themselves 
 and others, but frequently, in the absence of material, draw 
 upon their imaginations for facts. Often, too, when sincerely 
 desirous of presenting the truth so as to a nothing extenuate, 
 nor set down aught in malice," the sources of their information 
 are lamentably deficient. 
 
 The discrepancies of historical writers are very remarkable. 
 If one who had never heard of Napoleon were to read Scott's 
 Life of the great military chieftain, and then read Abbott's 
 work, in what a maze of perplexity would he be involved be- 
 tween the disparagement of the one and the deification of the 
 other ! If one writer asserts that the Duke of Clarence was 
 drowned in a butt of malmsey in the Tower of London, and 
 another derisively treats it as a " childish improbability," and 
 if one expresses the belief that Richard of Gloucester exerted 
 himself to save Clarence, and another that he was the actual 
 murderer, who, or what, are we to believe ? 
 
748 LITERARIANA. 
 
 Knowing, as we do, that modern history abounds with errors, 
 what are we to think of ancient history ? If fraudulent and 
 erroneous statements can be distinctly pointed out in Hume, 
 and Lingard, and Alison, how far can we place any reliance 
 upon Caesar, and Herodotus, and Xenophon ? 
 
 The monstrous absurdities and incongruities related of Xer- 
 xes, which have descended to our day under the name of his- 
 tory, are too stupendous for any credulity. The imposture, like 
 vaulting ambition, "o'erleaps itself." Such extravagant de- 
 mands upon our faith serve to deepen our doubt of alleged oc- 
 currences that lie more nearly within the range of possibility. 
 If it he true that Hannibal cut his way across the Alps with 
 11 fire, iron, and vinegar," how did he apply the vinegar? 
 
 If falsities in our American history can creep upon us whilst 
 our eyes are open to surrounding evidence, is it to be wondered 
 at that there are so many contradictions and so many myths in 
 the history of Rome ? The very name America is a deception, 
 a fraud, and a perpetuation of as rank injustice as ever stained 
 the annals of human events. It is to be hoped that the time 
 will yet come when Columbus shall receive his due. When that 
 millennial day arrives which will insist on calling things by 
 their right names, the battle of Bunker's Hill will be called 
 the battle of Breed's Hill. 
 
 It seems incredible, and it certainly is singular, that so many 
 errors in our history should continue to prevail in utter defiance 
 of what is known to be fact. Historians, for instance, persist 
 in saying, and people consequently persist in believing, that the 
 breast-works of General Jackson at the battle of New Orleans 
 were made of cotton-bales covered with earth, whilst intelligent 
 survivors strenuously deny that there was a pound of that com- 
 bustible material on the ground.* A well-known painting fre- 
 
 * General W. H. Palfrey, of New Orleans, who served in Major Planehe's 
 battalion, which was stationed from Dec. 23, 1814, to Jan. 15, 1815, in the 
 centre of General Jackson's line, makes the following statement, (dated April 
 5, 1859,) which is confirmed by Major Chotard, General Jackson's Assistant 
 Adjutant-General : — 
 
LITERARIANA. 749 
 
 quently copied by line-engravers represents Lord Cornwallis 
 handing his sword to General Washington, at the surrender of 
 Yorktown, and this in spite of the glaring fact that ; to spare 
 Cornwallis that humiliation, General O'Hara gave his sword to 
 General Lincoln. 
 
 The blood shed at the battle of Lexington is commonly be- 
 lieved and said to have been the first drawn in the contest of 
 the Colonists with the oppressive authorities of the British 
 Government. Aside from the Boston massacre, which occurred 
 March 5, 1770, it will be found, by reference to the records 
 of Orange county, North Carolina, that a body of men was 
 formed, called the " Regulators," with the view of resisting 
 the extortion of Colonel Fanning, clerk of the court, and other 
 officers, who demanded illegal fees, issued false deeds, levied 
 unauthorized taxes, &c; that these men went to the court- 
 house at Hillsboro', appointed a schoolmaster named York as 
 clerk, set up a mock judge, and pronounced judgment in 
 mock gravity and ridicule of the court, law, and officers, by 
 whom they felt themselves aggrieved; that soon after, the 
 house, barn, and out-buildings of the judge were burned to 
 the ground ; and that Governor Tryon subsequently, with a 
 small force, went to suppress the Regulators, with whom an 
 engagement took place near Alamance Creek, on the road from 
 Hillsboro' to Salisbury, on the 16th of May, 1771, — nearly 
 four years before the affair of Lexington, — in which nine 
 Regulators and twenty-seven militia were killed, and many 
 wounded, — fourteen of the former being killed by one man, 
 James Pugh, from behind a rock. 
 
 "About twenty or twenty-five bales of cotton were used in forming the em- 
 brasures of five or six batteries. There»were four batteries of one piece of 
 artillery, or howitzer, and four of two pieces, established at different points 
 of the lines. Four bales were used at some of the batteries and six at others. 
 None were used in any other portions of the works, which consisted of breast- 
 works formed of earth thrown up from the inside, branches of trees, and rub- 
 bish. Each company threw up its own breastwork ; and the more it wai 
 affected by the enemy's artillery and Congreve rockets, the more indus- 
 triously the soldiers toiled to strengthen it." 
 
 63* 
 
750 LITERARIANA. 
 
 The progress of the natural and physical sciences, to- 
 gether with the increased facilities of intercommunication by 
 steam, have done much towards disproving and exposing the 
 fabulous stories of travelers. The extravagant character, for 
 example, of the assertions of Fcersch and Darwin in regard to 
 the noxious emanations of the Bohun Upas is now shown by 
 the fact that a specimen of it growing at Chiswick, England, 
 may be approached with safety, and even handled, with a little 
 precaution. It is equally well established that the famous Poi- 
 son Valley in the island of Java affords the most remarkable 
 natural example yet known of an atmosphere overloaded with 
 carbonic acid gas, to which must be referred the destructive in- 
 fluence upon animal life heretofore attributed to the Upas-tree. 
 
 CONFLICTING TESTIMONY OP EYE-WITNESSES. 
 
 Sir Walter Raleigh, in his prison, was composing the second 
 volume of his History of the World. Leaning on the sill of his 
 window, he meditated on the duties of the historian to mankind, 
 when suddenly his attention was attracted by a disturbance in 
 the court-yard before his cell. He saw one man strike another, 
 whom he supposed by his dress to be an officer; the latter at once 
 drew his sword and ran the former through the body. The 
 wounded man felled his adversary with a stick, and then sank 
 upon the pavement. At this juncture the guard came up and 
 carried off the officer insensible, and then the corpse of the 
 man who had been run through. 
 
 Next day Raleigh was visited by an intimate friend, to whom 
 he related the circumstances of the quarrel and its issue. To 
 his astonishment, his friend unhesitatingly declared that the 
 prisoner had mistaken the whole series of incidents which had 
 passed before his eyes. The supposed officer was not an officer 
 at all, but the servant of a foreign ambassador ; it was he who 
 had dealt the first blow; he had not drawn his sword, but the 
 other had snatched it from his side, and had run him through 
 the body before any one could interfere ; whereupon a stranger 
 
LITERARIANA. 751 
 
 from among the crowd knocked the murderer down with his 
 stick, and some of the foreigners belonging to the ambassador's 
 retinue carried off the corpse. The friend of Raleigh added that 
 government had ordered the arrest and immediate trial of the 
 murderer, as the man assassinated was one of the principal 
 servants of the Spanish ambassador. 
 
 " Excuse me," said Raleigh, "but I cannot have been deceived 
 as you suppose, for I was eye-witness to the events which took 
 place under my own window, and the man fell there on that spot 
 where you see a paving-stone standing up above the rest." 
 " My dear Raleigh," replied his friend, " I was sitting on that 
 stone when the fray took place, and I received this slight scratch 
 on my cheek in snatching the sword from the murderer, and 
 upon my word of honor, you have been deceived upon every 
 particular." 
 
 Sir Walter, when alone, took up the second volume of his 
 History, which was in MS., and contemplating it, thought — 
 " If I cannot believe my own eyes, how can I be assured of the 
 truth of a tithe of the events which happened ages before I 
 was bora ?" and he flung the manuscript into the fire. 
 
 WIT AND HUMOR. 
 
 The distinction between wit and humor may be said to consist 
 in this, — that the characteristic of the latter is Nature, and of 
 the former Art. Wit is more allied to intellect, and humor to 
 imagination. Humor is a higher, finer, and more genial thing 
 than wit. It is a combination of the laughable with tenderness, 
 sympathy, and warm-heartedness. Pure wit is often ill-natured, 
 and has a sting ; but wit, sweetened by a kind, loving expression, 
 becomes humor. Wit is usually brief, sharp, epigrammatic, and 
 incisive, the fewer words the better; but humor, consisting more 
 in the manner, is diffuse, and words are not spared in it. Carlyle 
 says, " The essence of humor is sensibility, warm, tender fellow- 
 feeling with all forms of existence ; " and adds, of Jean Paul's 
 humor, that " in Richter's smile itself a touching pathos may 
 
752 LITERARIANA. 
 
 lie hid too deep for tears." Wit may be considered as the dis- 
 tinctive feature of the French genius, and humor of the English ; 
 but to show how difficult it is to carry these distinctions out 
 fairly, we may note that England has produced a Butler, one of 
 the greatest of wits, and France a Moliere, one of the greatest 
 of humorists. Fun includes all those things that occasion laugh- 
 ter which are not included in the two former divisions. Buffoon- 
 ery and mimicry come under this heading, and it has been ob- 
 served that the author of a comedy is a wit, the comic actor a 
 humorist, and the clown a buffoon. Old jests were usually tricks, 
 and in coarse times we find that little distinction is made between 
 joyousness and a malicious delight in the misfortunes of others. 
 Civilization discountenances practical jokes, and refinement is 
 required to keep laughter within bounds. As the world grows 
 older, fun becomes less boisterous, and wit gains in point, so that 
 we cannot agree with Cornelius O'Dowd when he says, " The 
 day of witty people is gone by. If there be men clever enough 
 nowadays to say smart things, they are too clever to say them. 
 The world we live in prefers placidity to brilliancy, and a man 
 like Curran in our present-day society would be as unwelcome 
 as a pyrotechnist with a pocket full of squibs." This is only a 
 repetition of an old complaint, and its incorrectness is proved 
 when we find the same thing said one hundred years ago. In 
 a manuscript comedy, "In Foro," by Lady Houstone, who died 
 near the end of the last century, one of the characters observes : 
 "Wit is nowadays out of fashion; people are well-bred, and 
 talk upon a level; one does not at present find wit but in some 
 old comedy." In spite of Mr. Lever and Lady Houstone, we 
 believe that civilized society is specially suited for the display 
 of refined wit. Under such conditions satire is sure to flourish, 
 for the pen takes the place of the sword, and we know it can 
 slay an enemy as surely as steel. This notion owes its origin 
 in part to an error in our mental perspective, by which we bring 
 the wit of all ages to one focus, fancying what was really far 
 apart to have been close together, and thus comparing things 
 
LITERARIANA. 753 
 
 which possess no proper elements of comparison, and placing 
 as it were in opposition to each other the accumulated, broad, 
 and well-storied tapestry of the past with the fleeting moments 
 of our day, which are but its still accumulating fringe. Charles 
 Lamb will not allow any great antiquity for wit, and apostro- 
 phizing candle-light says : " This is our peculiar and household 
 planet; wanting it, what savage, unsocial nights must our an- 
 cestors have spent, wintering in caves and unillumined fastnesses ! 
 They must have laid about and grumbled at one another in 
 the dark. What repartees could have passed, when you must 
 have felt about for a smile, and handled a neighbor's cheek 
 to be sure he understood it! Jokes came in with candles." 
 
 AN OLD PAPER. 
 
 The most amusing and remarkable paper ever printed was 
 the Muse Historique y or Rhyming Gazette of Jacques Loret, 
 which, for fifteen years, from 1650 to 1665, was issued weekly 
 in Paris. It consisted of 550 verses summarizing the week's 
 news in rhyme, and treated of every class of subjects, grave 
 and gay. Loret computed, in 1663, the thirteenth year of his 
 enterprise, that he had written over 300,000 verses, and found 
 more than 700 different exordiums, for he never twice began 
 his Gazette with the same entire in matier. He ran about the 
 city for his own news, never failed to write good verses upon it, 
 and never had anybody to help him, and his prolonged and al- 
 ways equal performance has been pronounced unique in the 
 history of journalism. 
 
 COMFORT FOR BOOK LOVERS. 
 
 Mr. Ruskin vigorously defends the bibliomaniac, in his Se- 
 same and Lilies. We have despised literature. What do we, 
 as a nation, care about books ? How much do you think we 
 spend altogether on our libraries, public or private, as compared 
 with what we spend on our horses ? If a man spends lavishly 
 on his library you call him mad — a bibliomaniac. But you 
 never call one a horse-maniac, though men ruin themselves 
 2X 
 
754 LITERARIANA. 
 
 every day by their horses ; and you do not hear of people ruin- 
 ing themselves by their books. Or, to go lower still, how much 
 do you think the contents of the book-shelves of the United 
 Kingdom, public and private, would fetch as compared with 
 the contents of its wine-cellars? What position would its ex- 
 penditure on literature take as compared with its expenditure 
 on luxurious eating? We talk of food for the mind as of food 
 for the body ; now, a good book contains such food inexhaustibly 
 — it is a provision for life, and for the best part of us ; yet how 
 long most people would look at the best book before they would 
 give the price of a large turbot for it! Though there have 
 been men who have pinched their stomachs and bared their 
 backs to buy a book, whose libraries were cheaper to them, I 
 think, in the end, than most men's dinners are. We are few 
 of us put to such trial, and more the pity ; for, indeed, a pre- 
 cious thing is all the more precious to us if it has been won by 
 work or economy; and if public libraries were half as costly as 
 public dinners, or books cost the tenth part of what bracelets 
 do, even foolish men and women might sometimes suspect there 
 was good in reading, as well as in munching and sparkling; 
 whereas the very cheapness of literature is making even wiser 
 people forget that if a book is worth reading it is worth 
 buying. 
 
 LETTERS AND THEIR ENDINGS. 
 
 There is a large gamut of choice for endings, from the official 
 "Your obedient servant," and high and mighty "Your humble 
 servant," to the friendly "Yours truly," "Yours sincerely," and 
 " Yours affectionately." Some persons vary the form, and slight- 
 ly intensify the expression by placing the word "yours" last, as 
 " Faithfully yours." James Howell used a great variety of end- 
 ings, such as " Yours inviolably," " Yours entirely," " Your en- 
 tire friend," "Yours verily and invariably," "Yours really," 
 " Yours in no vulgar way of friendship," " Yours to dispose of," 
 "Yours while J. H.," "Yours! Yours! Yours!"' Walpole 
 writes: "Yours very much," "Yours most cordially/' and to 
 
LITERARIANA. 755 
 
 Hannah More, in 1789, " Yours more and more." Mr. Bright, 
 some years ago ended a controversial letter in the following 
 biting terms : "I am, sir, with whatever respect is due to you." 
 The old Board of Commissioners of the British Navy used a 
 form of subscription very different from the ordinary official one. 
 It was their habit to subscribe their letters (even letters of re- 
 proof) to such officers as were not of noble families or bore titles, 
 "Your affectionate friends." It is said that this practice was 
 discontinued in consequence of a distinguished captain adding 
 to his letter to the Board, " Your affectionate friend." He was 
 thereupon desired to discontinue the expression, when he re- 
 plied, " I am, gentlemen, no longer your affectionate friend/ 
 
 STUDIES AND BOOKS. 
 
 Studies serve for delight, for ornament, and for ability. Their 
 chief use for delight is in privateness and retiring ; for orna- 
 ment, is in discourse; and for ability, is in the judgment and 
 disposition of business, for expert men can execute and per- 
 haps judge of business one by one; but the general counsels, 
 and the plots and marshalling of affairs, come best from those 
 that are learned. To spend too much time in studies is sloth; 
 to use them too much for ornament is affectation; to make 
 judgment wholly by their rules is the humor of a scholar: 
 they perfect nature and are perfected by experience, — for natu- 
 ral abilities are like natural plants, that need pruning by study; 
 and studies themselves do give forth directions too much at 
 large, except they be bounded in by experience. Crafty wise 
 men contemn studies, simple men admire them, and wise men 
 use them ; for they teach not their own use ; but that is a wis- 
 dom without them, and above them, won by observation. Read 
 not to contradict and confute, nor to believe and take for 
 granted, nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and con- 
 sider. Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, 
 and some few to be chewed and digested; i.e., some books are 
 to be read only in parts, others to be read, but not curiously, 
 
756 LITERATI. 
 
 and some few to be read wholly and with diligence and atten- 
 tion. Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, 
 and writing an exact man ; and therefore, if a man write little, 
 he had need have a great memory ; if he confer little, he had 
 need have a present wit ; and if he read little, he had need 
 have much cunning to seem to know that he doth not. — Lord 
 Bacon. 
 
 fUterati. 
 
 ATTAINMENTS OP LINGUISTS. 
 
 Taking the very highest estimate which has been offered 
 of their attainments, the list of those who have been reputed 
 to have possessed more than ten languages is a very short one. 
 Only four, in addition to a case that will be presently mentioned, 
 — Mithridates, Pico of Mirandola, Jonadab Almanor, and Sir 
 William Jones, — are said in the loosest sense to have passed 
 the limit of twenty. To the first two fame ascribes twenty- 
 two, to the last two twenty- eight, languages. Muller, Niebuhr, 
 Fulgence, Fresnel, and perhaps Sir John Bowring, are usually 
 set down as knowing twenty languages. For Elihu Burritt and 
 Csoma de Koros their admirers claim eighteen. Renaudot the 
 controversialist is said to have known seventeen; Professor 
 Lee, sixteen j and the attainments of the older linguists, as 
 Arius Montanus, Martin del Rio, the converted Rabbi Libettas 
 Cominetus, and the Admirable Orichton, are said to have ranged 
 from this down to ten or twelve, — most of them the ordinary 
 languages of learned and polite society. 
 
 The extraordinary case above alluded to is that of the Car- 
 dinal Mezzofanti, the son of a carpenter of Bologna, whose 
 knowledge of languages seems almost miraculous. Von Zach, 
 who made an occasional visit to Bologna in 1820, was accosted 
 by the learned priest, as he then was, in Hungarian, then in 
 good Saxon, and afterwards in the Austrian and Swabian dia- 
 lects. With other members of the scientific corps the priest 
 
LITERATI. 757 
 
 conversed in English, Russian, Polish, French, and Hungarian. 
 Von Zach mentions that his German was so natural that a cul- 
 tivated Hanoverian lady in the company expressed her surprise 
 that a German should be a professor and librarian in an Italian 
 university. 
 
 Professor Jacobs, of Gotha, was struck not only with the 
 number of languages acquired by the " interpreter for Babel," 
 but at the facility with which he passed from one to the other, 
 however opposite or cognate their structure. 
 
 Dr. Tholuck heard him converse in German, Arabic, Spanish, 
 Flemish, English, and Swedish, received from him an original 
 distich in Persian, and found him studying Cornish. He heard 
 him say that he had studied to some extent the Quichus, or 
 old Peruvian, and that he was employed upon the Bimbarra. 
 Dr. Wiseman met him on his way to receive lessons in California 
 Indian from natives of that country. He heard "Nigger 
 Dutch" from a Curacoa mulatto, and in less than two weeks 
 wrote a short piece of poetry for the mulatto to recite in his 
 rude tongue. He knew something of Chippewa and Delaware, 
 and learned the language of the Algonquin Indians. A Ceylon 
 student remembers many of the strangers with whom Mezzofanti 
 was in the habit of conversing in the Propaganda, — those whose 
 vernaculars were Peguan, Abyssinian, Amharic, Syriac, Ara- 
 bico, Maltese, Tamulic, Bulgarian, Albanian, besides others 
 already named. His facility in accommodating himself to each 
 new colloquist justifies* the expression applied to him, as the 
 " chamelion of languages." 
 
 Dr. Russell, Mezzofanti's biographer, adopting as his defini- 
 tion of a thorough knowledge of language an ability to read it 
 fluently and with ease, to write it correctly, and to speak it 
 idiomatically, sums up the following estimate of the Cardinal's 
 acquisitions : — 
 
 1 . Languages frequently tested and spoken by the Cardinal 
 with rare excellence, — thirty. 
 
 2. Stated to have been spoken fluently, but hardly sufficiently 
 tested, — nine. 
 
 3. Spoken rarely and less perfectly, — eleven, 
 
 64 
 
758 LITERATI. 
 
 4. Spoken imperfectly ; a few sentences and conversational 
 forms, — eight. 
 
 5. Studied from books, but not known to have been spoken, 
 — fourteen. 
 
 6. Dialects spoken, or their peculiarities understood, — thirty- 
 nine dialects of ten languages, many of which might justly be 
 described as different languages. 
 
 This list adds up one hundred and eleven, exceeding by all 
 comparison every thing related in history. The Cardinal said 
 he made it a rule to learn every new grammar and apply him- 
 self to every strange dictionary that came within his reach. 
 He did not appear to consider his prodigious talent so extraor- 
 dinary as others did. " In addition to an excellent memory ," 
 said he, " God has blessed me with an incredible flexibility of 
 the organs of speech." Another remark of his was, " that 
 when one has learned ten or a dozen languages essentially dif- 
 ferent from one another, one may with a little study and atten- 
 tion learn any number of them." Again he remarked, " If 
 you wish to know how I preserve these languages, I can only 
 say that when I once hear the meaning of a word in any Ian 
 guage I never forget it." 
 
 And yet it is not claimed for this man of many words that 
 his ideas at all corresponded. He had twenty words for one idea, 
 as he said of himself; but he seemed to agree with Catharine 
 de Medicis in preferring to have twenty ideas for one word. 
 He was remarkable for the number of languages which he had 
 made his own, but was not distinguished as a grammarian, a 
 lexicographer, a philologist, a philosopher, or ethnologist, and 
 contributed nothing to any department of the study of words, 
 much less that of science. 
 
 LITERARY ODDITIES. 
 
 Racine composed his verses while walking about, reciting 
 them in a loud voice. One day, while thus working at his play 
 of Mithridates, in the Tuileries gardens, a crowd of workmen 
 gathered around him, attracted by his gestures : they took him 
 to be a madman about to throw himself into the basin. On his 
 
LITERATI. 759 
 
 return home from such walks he would write down scene by 
 scene, at first in prose, and when he had written it out, he 
 would exclaim, rt My tragedy is done 1" considering the dress- 
 ing of the acts up in verse as a very small affair. Magliabec- 
 chi, the learned librarian to the Duke of Tuscany, on the con- 
 trary, never stirred abroad, but lived amid books and upon 
 books. They were his bed, board, and washing. He passed 
 eight-and-forty years in their midst, only twice in the course 
 of his life venturing beyond the walls of Florence, — once to go 
 two leagues off, and the other time three and a half leagues, by 
 order of the Grand Duke. He was an extremely frugal man, 
 living upon eggs, bread, and water, in great moderation. Lu- 
 ther, when studying, always had his dog lying at his feet, — a 
 dog he had brought from Wartburg and of which he was very 
 fond. An ivory crucifix stood on the table before him, and 
 the walls of his study were stuck round with caricatures of the 
 Pope. He worked at his desk for days together without 
 going out; but when fatigued, and the ideas began to stag- 
 nate in his brain, he would take his flute or his guitar with 
 him into the porch, and there execute some musical fantasy, 
 (for he was a skilful musician,) when the ideas would flow 
 upon him as fresh as flowers after summer's rain. Music was 
 his invariable solace at such times. Indeed, Luther did not 
 hesitate to say that, after theology, music was the first of arts. 
 " Music," said he, " is the art of the prophets : it is the only 
 art which, like theology, can calm the agitation of the soul and 
 put the devil to flight." Next to music, if not before it, Lu- 
 ther loved children and flowers. The great, gnarled man had 
 a heart as tender as a woman's. Calvin studied in his bed. 
 Every morning, at five or six o'clock, he had books, manu- 
 scripts, and papers carried to him there, and he worked on for 
 hours together. If he had occasion to go out, on his return he 
 undressed and went to bed again to continue his studies. In 
 his later years he dictated his writings to secretaries. He 
 rarely corrected any thing. The sentences issued complete from 
 his moutn. If he felt his facility of composition leaving him, 
 he forthwith quitted his bed, gave up writing and composing, 
 
760 LITERATI, 
 
 and went about his out-door duties for days, weeks, and months 
 together. But as soon as he felt the inspiration fall upon him 
 again, he went back to his bed, and his secretary set to work 
 forthwith. Rousseau wrote his works early in the morning ; 
 Le Sage at mid-day ; Byron at midnight. Villehardouin rose 
 at four in the morning, and wrote till late at night. Aristotle 
 was a tremendous worker : he took little sleep, and was con- 
 stantly retrenching it. He had a contrivance by which he 
 awoke early, and to awake was with him to commence work. 
 Demosthenes passed three months in a cavern by the sea-side, 
 laboring to overcome the defects of his voice. There he 
 read, studied, and declaimed. Rabelais composed his Life of 
 Gargantua at Bellay, in the company of Roman cardinals, and 
 under the eyes of the Bishop of Paris. La Fontaine wrote his 
 fables chiefly under the shade of a tree, and sometimes by the 
 side of Racine and Boileau. Pascal wrote most of his Thoughts 
 on little scraps of j)aper, at his by-moments. Fenelon wrote 
 his Telemachus in the Palace of Versailles, at the court of the 
 Grand Monarque, when discharging the duties of tutor to the 
 Dauphin. That a book so thoroughly democratic should have 
 issued from such a source and been written by a priest may 
 seem surprising. De Quincey first promulgated his notion of 
 universal freedom of person and trade, and of throwing all 
 taxes on the land, — the germ, perhaps, of the French Revolu- 
 tion,— in the boudoir of Madame de Pompadour ! Bacon knelt 
 down before composing his great work, and prayed for light 
 from Heaven. Pope never could compose well without first 
 declaiming for some time at the top of his voice, and thus 
 rousing his nervous system to its fullest activity. The life of 
 Leibnitz was one of reading, writing, and meditation. That 
 was the secret of his prodigious knowledge. After an attack 
 of gout, he confined himself to a diet of bread and milk. Often 
 he slept in a chair, and rarely went to bed till after midnight. 
 Sometimes he spent months without quitting his seat, where 
 he slept by night and wrote by day. He had an ulcer in his 
 right leg, which prevented his walking about even had ho 
 wished to do so. 
 
LITERATI. 761 
 
 CULTURE AND SACRIFICE. 
 
 The instruction of the world has been carried on by perpetual 
 sacrifice. A grand army of teachers, authors, artists, school- 
 masters, professors, heads of colleges — have been through ages 
 carrying on war against ignorance ; but no triumphal procession 
 has been decreed to it, nor spoils of conquered provinces have 
 come to its coffers ; no crown imperial has invested it with pomp 
 and power. In lonely watch-towers the fires of genius have 
 burned, but to waste and consume the lamp of life, while they 
 gave light to the world. It is no answer to say that the victims 
 of intellectual toil, broken down in health and fortune, have 
 counted their work a privilege and joy. As well deny the 
 martyr's sacrifice because he has joyed in his integrity. And 
 many of the world's intellectual benefactors have been martyrs. 
 Socrates died in prison as a public malefactor ; for the healing 
 wisdom he offered his people, deadly poison was the reward. 
 Homer had a lot, so obscure at least, that nobody knew his 
 birthplace; and, indeed, some modern critics are denying that 
 there ever was any Homer. 
 
 Plato traveled back and forth from his home in Athens to the 
 court of the Syracuse tyrant, regarded indeed and feared, but 
 persecuted and in peril of life ; nay, and once sold for a slave. 
 Cicero shared a worse fate. Dante all his life knew, as he 
 expressed it, 
 
 " How salt was a stranger's bread, 
 How hard the path still up and down to tread, 
 A stranger's stairs." 
 
 Copernicus and Galileo found science no more profitable than 
 Dante found poetry. Shakspeare had a home, but too poorly 
 endowed to stand long in his name after he left it ; the income 
 upon which he retired was barely two or three hundred pounds 
 a year, and so little did his contemporaries know or think of 
 him that the critics hunt in vain for the details of his private 
 life. The mighty span of his large honors shrinks to an obscure 
 myth of life in theatres in London or on the banks of the Avon. 
 
 64* 
 
762 LITERATI. 
 
 A LITERARY SCREW. 
 
 An English paper says that Sharon Turner, author of the 
 History of the Anglo-Saxons, who received three hundred 
 pounds a year from Government as a literary pension, wrote 
 his third volume of his Sacred History of the World upon 
 paper which did not cost him a farthing. The copy consisted 
 of torn and angular fragments of letters and notes, of covers of 
 periodicals, gray, drab, or green, written in thick round hand 
 over a small print ; of shreds of curling-paper, unctuous with 
 pomatum of bear's grease, and of white wrappers in which his 
 proofs had been sent from the printers. The paper, sometimes 
 as thin as a bank-note, was written on both sides, and was so 
 sodden with ink, plastered on with a pen worn to a stump, that 
 hours were frequently wasted in discovering on which side of 
 it certain sentences were written. Men condemned to work on 
 it saw their dinner vanish in illimitable perspective, and first- 
 rate hands groaned over it a whole day for tenpence. One poor 
 fellow assured the writer of that paper that he could not earn 
 enough upon it to pay his rent, and that he had seven mouths 
 to fill besides his own. In the hope of mending matters in 
 some degree, slips of stout white paper were sent frequently 
 with the proofs ; but the good gentleman could not afford to 
 use them, and they never came back as copy. What an in- 
 veterate miser this old scribbler must have been, notwithstand- 
 ing his pension and his copyrights ! 
 
 DRYDEN AND HIS PUBLISHER. 
 
 When Dryden had finished his translation of Virgil, after 
 some self-deliberation, he sent the MS. to Jacob Tonson, re- 
 quiring for it a certain sum, which he mentioned in a note. 
 Tonson was desirous of possessing the work, but meanly wished 
 to avail himself of Dryden's necessities, which at that time, 
 were particularly urgent. He therefore informed the poet that 
 he could not afford to give the sum demanded. Dryden, in 
 reply, sent the following lines descriptive of Tonson : — 
 
 
PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTE8. 763 
 
 With leering look, bull-faced, and freckled fair, 
 With two left legs, with Judas-colored hair, 
 > And frowsy pores that taint the ambient air. 
 
 When they were delivered to Tonson, he asked if Mr. Dryden 
 had said any thing more. " Yes/' answered the bearer : " he 
 said, ' Tell the dog that he who wrote these lines can write 
 more like them/ " Jacob immediately sent the money. 
 
 personal &ktttyt# attir %L\mtioU8. 
 
 ANECDOTE OP WASHINGTON. 
 
 During General Washington's administration, he almost 
 daily attended his room, adjoining the Senate-chamber, and 
 often arrived before the Senate organized. On one occasion, but 
 before his arrival, Gouverneur Morris and some other senators 
 were standing together, conversing on various topics, and, 
 among them, the natural but majestic air of General Washing- 
 ton, when some one observed there was no man living who 
 could take a liberty with him. The sprightly and bold Morris 
 remarked, " I will bet a dozen of wine I can do that with im- 
 punity/' The bet was accepted. 
 
 Soon after, Washington appeared, and commenced an easy 
 and pleasant conversation with one of the gentlemen, at a little 
 distance from the others. While thus engaged, Morris, stepping 
 up, in a jocund manner, familiarly tapped Washington on the 
 shoulder, and said, — 
 
 " Good morning, old fellow I" 
 
 The General turned, and merely looked him in the face, 
 without a word, when Morris, with all his assumed effrontery, 
 stepped hastily back, in evident discomposure, and said : — 
 
 " Gentlemen, you have won the bet. I will never take such 
 a liberty again I" 
 
 The writer obtained this fact from a member of the Senate, 
 who witnessed the occurrence. 
 
764 PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 
 ANECDOTE OF LAFAYETTE. 
 
 Shortly after Lafayette's second return from America, he was 
 at Versailles when the king was about to review a division of 
 troops. Lafayette was invited to join in the review. He was 
 dressed in the American uniform, and was standing by the side 
 of the Due de Cond6, when the king, in his tour of conversa- 
 tion with the officers, came to him, and, after speaking on seve- 
 ral topics, asked him questions about his uniform and the mili- 
 tary costume in the United States. The king's attention was 
 attracted by a little medal, which was attached to his coat in 
 the manner in which the insignia of orders are usually worn in 
 Europe ; and he asked what it was. Lafayette replied that it 
 was a symbol which it was the custom of the foreign officers in 
 the American service to wear, and that it bore a device. The 
 king asked what was the device : to which Lafayette answered 
 that there was no device common to all, but that each officer 
 chose such as pleased his fancy. " And what has pleased your 
 fancy?" inquired the king. "My device," said the young 
 general, pointing to his medal, " is a liberty-pole standing on a 
 broken crown and sceptre." The king smiled, and, with some 
 pleasantry about the republican propensities of a French mar- 
 quis in American uniform, turned the conversation to another 
 topic. Conde looked grave, but said nothing. 
 
 NAPOLEON BONAPARTE. 
 
 The name Napoleon, being written in Greek characters, will 
 form seven different words, by dropping the first letter of each 
 in succession : — 
 
 NaizoXewV) 'AxoXiiov, IJoAeajv, ( 0Xewv, Aiwv, 'Ed>\>, r i2v. 
 These words make a complete sentence, meaning, Napoleon, 
 the destroyer of whole cities, was the lion of his people. 
 
 MILTON AND NAPOLEON. 
 
 Napoleon Bonaparte declared to Sir Colin Campbell, who 
 had charge of his person at the Isle of Elba, that he was a 
 great admirer of Milton's Paradise Lost, and that he had read 
 
PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 765 
 
 it to some purpose, for that the plan of the battle of Austerlitz 
 he borrowed from the sixth book of that work, where Satan 
 brings his artillery to bear upon Michael and his angelic host 
 with such direful effect : — 
 
 " Training his dev'lish enginery impaled 
 
 On every side with shadowing squadrons deep 
 
 To hide the fraud." 
 
 This new mode of warfare appeared to Bonaparte so likely to 
 succeed, if applied to actual use, that he determined upoD its 
 adoption, and succeeded beyond expectation. By reference to 
 the details of that battle, it will be found to assimilate so com- 
 pletely with Milton's imaginary fight as to leave no doubt of 
 the assertion. 
 
 PERSONAL APPEARANCE OP NAPOLEON. 
 
 Captain Maitland gives the following description of the per- 
 son of Napoleon, as he appeared on board the Bellerophon, in 
 1815:— 
 
 He was then a remarkably strong, well-built man, about five 
 feet seven inches high, his limbs particularly well formed, with 
 a fine ankle and a very small foot, of which he seemed very 
 vain, as he always wore, while on board the ship, silk stockings 
 and shoes. His hands were also small, and had the plumpness 
 of a woman's rather than the robustness of a man's. His eyes 
 were light gray, his teeth good ; and when he smiled, the ex- 
 pression of his countenance was highly pleasing ; when under 
 the influence of disappointment, however, it assumed a dark 
 and gloomy cast. His hair was a very dark brown, nearly ap- 
 proaching to black, and, though a little thin on the top and 
 front, had not a gray hair amongst it. His complexion was a 
 very uncommon one, being of a light sallow color, different 
 from any other I ever met with. From his being corpulent, 
 he had lost much of his activity. 
 
 HIS OPINION OP SUICIDE. 
 
 In the Journal of Dr. Warden, Surgeon of the Northumber- 
 land, the British frigate that conveyed Napoleon to St. Helena, 
 
766 PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 
 
 are recorded the following remarkable sentiments of the impe- 
 rial prisoner, as expressed to Warden : — 
 
 In one paper, I am called a liar ; in another, a tyrant ; in a 
 third, a monster ; and in one of them, which I really did not 
 expect, I am described as a coward; but it turned out, after all, 
 that the writer did not accuse me of avoiding danger in the 
 field of battle, or flying from an enemy, or fearing to face the 
 menaces of fate and fortune ; he did not charge me with want- 
 ing presence of mind in the hurry of battle, and in the sus- 
 pense of conflicting armies. No such thing. I wanted courage, 
 it seems, because I did not coolly take a dose of poison, or throw 
 myself into the sea, or blow out my brains. The editor most 
 certainly misunderstands me : I have, at least, too much courage 
 for that. 
 
 On another occasion he expressed himself in the following 
 terms : — 
 
 Suicide is a crime the most revolting to my feelings, nor does 
 any reason suggest itself to my understanding by which it can 
 be justified. It certainly originates in that species of fear 
 which we denominate poltroonery. For what claim can that 
 man have to courage who trembles at the frowns of fortune ? 
 True heroism consists in being superior to the ills of life, in 
 whatever shape they may challenge him to the combat. 
 
 DR. FRANKLIN'S WIFE. 
 
 Franklin, in a sketch of his life and habits, relates the fol- 
 lowing anecdote of his frugal and affectionate wife. A wife 
 could scarcely make a prettier apology for purchasing her first 
 piece of luxury. 
 
 We have an English proverb, that says, — 
 
 " He that would thrive 
 Must ask his wife." 
 
 It was lucky for me that I have one as much disposed to in- 
 dustry and frugality as myself. She assisted me cheerfully in 
 my business, and in stitching pamphlets, tending shop, purchas- 
 ing old linen rags for the paper-makers, &c. We kept no idle 
 
PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 767 
 
 servant ; our table was plain and simple ; our furniture of the 
 cheapest. For instance, my breakfast was for a long time 
 bread and milk (no tea), and I ate it out of a two-penny earthen 
 porringer, with a pewter spoon. But mark how luxury will 
 enter families, and make a progress in spite of principle : being 
 called one morning to breakfast, I found it in a china bowl, 
 with a spoon of silver. They had been bought for me without 
 my knowledge, by my wife, and had cost her the enormous 
 sum of three-and-twenty shillings, for which she had no other 
 excuse or apology to make but that she thought Iter husband 
 deserved a silver spoon and china bowl as well as any of his 
 neighbors. This was the first appearance of plate or china in 
 our house, which afterwards, in the course of years, as our 
 wealth increased, augmented gradually to several hundred 
 pounds in value. 
 
 MAJOR ANDRE. 
 
 In a satirical poem written by Major Andre" some time prior 
 to his arrest as a spy, he, curiously enough, alludes to the 
 means of his own death. A newspaper published soon after 
 the Revolutionary War gives some extracts from the poem, and 
 calls it a "remarkable prophecy." Could the ill-starred poet 
 and soldier have looked into futurity and seen his own sad 
 end, he would hardly have indulged in the humor which is in- 
 dicated in his poem. The piece was entitled " The Cow-Chase," 
 and was suggested by the failure of an expedition undertaken 
 by Wayne for the purpose of collecting cattle. Great liberties 
 were taken with the names of the American officers employed 
 
 on the occasion, — 
 
 Harry Lee and his dragoons, 
 And Proctor with his cannon. 
 
 But the point of his irony seemed particularly aimed at 
 Wayne, whose entire baggage, he asserts, was taken along, 
 comprising 
 
 His Congress dollars and his prog, 
 
 His military speeches, 
 His corn-stalk whiskey for his grog, 
 Black stockings and blue breeches. 
 
768 PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 
 
 The satirist brings his doggerel to a close by observing that 
 it is necessary to check the current of his satire, — 
 
 Lest the same warrior-drover "Wayne 
 Should catch and hang the poet! 
 
 AN ENGLISH VIEW OP ANDRE AND ARNOLD. 
 
 Many historians have been inclined to blame Washington for 
 unnecessary severity in not acceding to the request of the pri- 
 soner (Andr6), that he might be shot instead of hanged. We 
 cannot agree with them : the ignominious death was decided 
 upon by Washington — after much and anxious deliberation, 
 and against his own feelings, which inclined to grant the 
 prayer — as a strictly preventive punishment; and it had its 
 effect. The social qualities and the letters of Andr6, although 
 they are always brought forward in his favor, do not extenuate 
 but rather aggravate his crime, as they show that, whatever his 
 moral principles may have been, he had the education of an 
 English gentleman. If any thing, his memory has been treated 
 with too great leniency. If monuments are to be erected in 
 Westminster Abbey to men of such lax morality, it is time for 
 honesty to hide its head. 
 
 The conduct of Sir Henry Clinton, in receiving Arnold when 
 he fled to the English ranks, and giving him a high command, 
 is only in keeping with his countenance of the plot that cost 
 Andre" his life. Arnold, who seems to have been a miserable 
 scoundrel, born to serve as a foil to the virtuous brightness of 
 George Washington, might have redeemed his character by 
 giving himself up in place of Andr6, who was entrapped by 
 Arnold's cowardice and over-caution ; but such a piece of self- 
 sacrifice never entered his 'head. A villain himself, he never 
 believed in the success of the struggle of honest men, and his 
 conduct after obtaining the protection of Sir Henry Clinton 
 proves this beyond a doubt. Let him rest with all his British 
 honors thick upon him. — English Newspaper. 
 
PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 769 
 
 FLAMSTEED, THE ASTRONOMER ROYAL. 
 
 In the London Chronicle for Dec. 3, 1771, is the following 
 anecdote of Dr. Flamsteed : — 
 
 He was many years Astronomer Royal at Greenwich Obser- 
 vatory; a humorist, and of warm passions. Persons of his 
 profession are often supposed, by the common people, to be 
 capable of foretelling events. In this persuasion a poor washer- 
 woman at Greenwich, who had been robbed at night of a 
 large parcel of linen, to her almost ruin, if forced to pay for it, 
 came to him, and with great anxiety earnestly requested him to 
 use his art, to let her know where her things were, and who had 
 robbed her. The Doctor happened to be in the humor to joke: 
 he bid her stay: he would see what he could do; perhaps he 
 might let her know where she could find them; but who the 
 persons were, he would not undertake; as she could have no 
 positive proof to convict them, it would be useless. He then set 
 about drawing circles, squares, &c, to amuse her; and after 
 some time told her if she would go into a particular field, that 
 in such a part of it, in a dry ditch, she would find them all 
 tumbled up in a sheet. The woman went, and found them; 
 came with great haste and joy to thank the Doctor, and offered 
 him half-a-crown as a token of gratitude, being as much as she 
 could afford. The Doctor, surprised himself, told her: "Good 
 woman, I am heartily glad you have found your linen ; but I 
 assure you I knew nothing of it, and intended only to joke 
 with you, and then to have read you a lecture on the folly 
 of applying to any person to know events not in human power 
 to tell. But I see the devil has a mind that I should deal 
 with him : I am determined I will not. Never come or send 
 any one to me any more, on such occasions ; for I will never 
 attempt such an affair again whilst I live." 
 
 LORD NELSON'S SANG-FROID. 
 
 Jack was what they called loblolly boy on board the Victory. 
 It was his duty to do anything and everything that was required 
 2Y 65 
 
770 PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 
 
 — from sweeping and washing the deck, and saying amen to 
 the chaplain, down to cleaning the guns, and helping the doc- 
 tor to make pills and plasters, and mix medicines. Four days 
 before the battle that was so glorious to England, but so fatal 
 to its greatest hero, Jack was ordered by the doctor to fetch a 
 bottle that was standing in a particular place. Jack ran off, 
 post-haste, to the spot, where he found what appeared to be an 
 empty bottle. Curiosity was uppermost; ''What," thought 
 Jack, " can there be about this empty bottle ? " He examined it 
 carefully, but could not comprehend the mystery, so he thought 
 that he would call in the aid of a candle to throw light on the 
 subject. The bottle contained ether, and the result of the 
 examination was that the vapor ignited, and the flames extended 
 to some of the sails, and also to a part of the ship. There was 
 a general confusion — running with buckets and what-not — and, 
 to make matters worse, the fire was rapidly extending to the 
 powder-magazine. During the hubbub, Lord Nelson was in the 
 chief cabin writing dispatches. His lordship heard the noise 
 — he couldn't do otherwise — and so, in a loud voice, he called 
 out, "What's all that infernal noise about?" The boatswain 
 answered, "My Lord, the loblolly boy's set fire to an empty 
 bottle, and it's set fire to the ship." " Oh !" said Nelson, " that's 
 all, is it? I thought the enemy had boarded us and taken us all 
 prisoners — you and loblolly must put it out, and take care 
 we're not blown up! but pray make as little noise about it as 
 you can, or I can't go on with my dispatches," and with these 
 words Nelson went to his desk, and continued his writing with 
 the greatest coolness. 
 
 Crabb Robinson, in his Diary, speaking of Groethe as the 
 mightiest intellect that has shone on the earth for centuries, 
 says: "It has been my rare good fortune to have seen a large 
 proportion of the greatest minds of our age, in the fields of poetry 
 and speculative philosophy, such as Wordsworth, Coleridge, 
 Schiller, Tieck, but none that I have ever known came near 
 him." 
 
PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 771 
 
 MARTIN LUTHER 
 
 Roma orbem domuit, Romam sibi Papa subegit j 
 
 Viribus ilia suit/ fraudibus iste suis, 
 Quanto isto major Lutherus, major et ilia, 
 
 Istum illamque uno qui domuit calamo. — Beza. 
 (Rome won tbe world, tbe Pope o'er Rome prevailed, 
 And one by force and one by fraud availed : 
 Greater than each was Luther's prowess shown, 
 Who conquered both by one poor pen alone.) 
 Luther, in the lion-hearted daring of his conduct and in the robust and 
 rugged grandeur of his faith, may well be considered as the Elijah of the 
 Reformation ; while his life, by the stern and solemn realities of his experi- 
 ences, and the almost ideal evolutions of events by which it was accompanied, 
 constitutes indeed the embodied Poem of European Protestantism. 
 
 R. Montgomery. 
 
 Heine sketches the following unique portrait of Luther : — 
 He was at once a mystic dreamer and a man of action. His 
 thoughts had not only wings, they had hands likewise. He 
 spoke, and, rare thing, he also acted; he was at once the 
 tongue and the sword of his age. At the same time he was a 
 cold scholastic, a chopper of words, and an exalted prophet 
 drunk with the word of God. When he had passed painfully 
 through the day, wearing out his soul in dogmatical instruc- 
 tions, night come, he would take his flute, and, contemplating 
 the stars, melt in melodies and pious thoughts. The same man 
 who could abuse his adversaries like a fish-fag knew also how 
 to use soft and tender language, like an amorous virgin. He 
 was sometimes savage and impetuous as the hurricane that 
 roots up oaks, then gentle and murmuring as the zephyr that 
 lightly caresses the violets. He was full of the holy fear of 
 God, ready for every sacrifice in honor of the Holy Spirit; he 
 knew how to vault into the purest regions of the celestial 
 kingdom ; and yet he perfectly knew the magnificence of this 
 earth : he could appreciate it, and from his mouth fell the 
 famous proverb : — 
 
 Wer nicht liebt "Wein, "Weiber, und Gesang, 
 Der bleibt ein Narr sein Lebenlang. 
 (Who loves not woman, wine, and song, 
 Remains a fool his whole lifeMong.) 
 
772 PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 
 
 In short, he was a complete man. To call him a spiritualist 
 would be to commit as great a mistake as it would be to call 
 him a sensualist. What shall I say more ? He had something 
 about him clever, original, miraculous, inconceivable. 
 
 In an article on John de Wycliffe, in the North British Re- 
 view, is the following paragraph : — 
 
 Abundant as is our historical literature, and fond as our ablest 
 writers have recently become of attempting careful and vivid 
 renderings of the physiognomies of important historical per- 
 sonages, we are still without a set of thoroughly good portraits 
 of the modern religious reformers of different nations, painted, 
 as they might be, in series, so that the features of each may be 
 compared with those of all the rest. Wycliffe, Huss, Savona- 
 rola, Luther, Zwingle, Calvin, Knox, and Cranmer, — all men 
 coming under the same general designation, — all heroes of the 
 same general movement; and yet what a contrast of physi- 
 ognomies ! Pre-eminent in the series will ever be Luther, 
 the man of biggest frame and largest heart ; the man of rich- 
 est and most original genius ; the great, soft, furious, musical, 
 pliant, sociable, kiss-you, knock-you-down German. None of 
 them all had such a face ; none of them all said such things ; 
 of none of them all can you have such anecdotes, such a col- 
 lection of ana. 
 
 Luther, says another writer, speaking of his fondness for 
 music, was not solely nor chiefly a theologian, or he had been 
 no true reformer. As the cloister had not been able to bound 
 his sympathies, so the controversial theatre could not circum- 
 scribe his honest ambition. He in whom " the Italian head 
 was joined to the German body" would not only free the souls 
 of men, but win the hearts of women and little children. 
 Much had he to feel proud of during his busy life. It was no 
 light thing to have waged successful combat with the most 
 powerful hierarchy that the world had ever seen, or to have 
 held in his hands the destinies of Europe. But dearer to his 
 kind heart was the sound of his own verses sung to his own 
 melodies, which rose from 'street and market-place, from high- 
 
PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 773 
 
 way and byway, chanted by laborers going to their daily work ; 
 during their hours of toil, and as they returned home at even- 
 tide. How would it have gladdened his heart to have heard 
 these same hymns, two hundred years later, sung by the miners 
 of Cornwall and Gloucestershire ! 
 
 " I always loved music/' said he : " whoso has skill in this 
 art is of a good temperament, fitted for all things." Many 
 times he exemplified this power in his own person. When sore 
 perplexed and in danger of life, he would drive away all gloomy 
 thoughts by the magic of his own melodies. On that sad 
 journey to Worms, when friends crowded round him and 
 sought to change his purpose, warning him, with many tears, 
 of the certain death that awaited him, — on the morning of 
 that memorable 16th of April, when the towers of the ancient 
 city appeared in sight, — the true-hearted man, rising in his 
 chariot, broke forth with the words and music of that Marseil- 
 laise of the Reformation, Ein' feste Burg ist unser Gott, which 
 he had improvised two days before at Oppenheim, — the same 
 stirring hymn that Grustavus Adolphus and the whole Swedish 
 army sang a century later, on the morning of the battle of 
 Lutzen : — 
 
 A safe stronghold our God is still, 
 
 A trusty shield and weapon ; 
 He'll help us clear from all the ill 
 
 That hath us now o'ertaken. 
 The ancient Prince of hell 
 Hath risen with purpose fell. 
 Strong mail of craft and power 
 He weareth in this hour ; 
 On earth i3 not his fellow. 
 
 With force of arms we nothing can, 
 
 Full soon were we down-ridden j 
 But for us fights the proper man, 
 
 Whom God himself hath bidden. 
 Ask ye, Who is this same ? 
 Christ Jesus is his name, 
 The Lord Sabaoth's son : 
 He, and no other one, 
 Shall conquer in the battle. 
 65* 
 
774 PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 
 
 And were the world all devils o'er, 
 
 And watching to devour us, 
 We lay it not to heart so sore, 
 
 Not they can overpower us. 
 Then let the Prince of ill 
 Look grim as e'er he will, 
 He harms us not a whit : 
 For why ? His doom is writ : — 
 A word shall quickly slay him. 
 
 God's word for all their craft and force 
 
 One moment will not linger, 
 But spite of hell shall have its course: 
 
 'Tis written by his finger. 
 And though they take our life, 
 Goods, honor, children, wife, 
 Yet is their profit small : 
 These things shall vanish all ; 
 The Church of God remaineth.* 
 
 QUEEN ELIZABETH. 
 
 Queen Bess is thus described in Sir John Hayward's 
 Annals : — 
 
 Shee was a lady upon whom nature had bestowed, and well 
 placed, many of her fayrest favours ; of stature meane, slender, 
 straight, and amiably composed ; of such state in her carriage, 
 as every motion of her seemed to beare majesty; her haire was 
 inclined to pale yellow, her foreheade large and faire, and 
 seeming seat for princely grace ; her eyes lively and sweete, 
 but short-sighted ; her nose somewhat rising in the middest. 
 The whole compasse of her countenance somewhat long, but 
 yet of admirable beauty ; not so much in that which is termed 
 the flower of youth, as in a most delightful compositione of 
 
 majesty and modesty in equall mixture Her vertues 
 
 were such as might suffice to make an Ethiopian beautifull , 
 which, the more man knows and understands, the more he 
 shall love and admire. Shee was of divine witt, as well for 
 depth of judgment, as for quick conceite and speedy expedi- 
 tione ; of eloquence as sweete in the utterance, as ready and 
 
 * Carlyle's translation. 
 
PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 775 
 
 easy to come to the utterance ; of wonderful knowledge, both 
 in learning and affayres; skilfull not only in Latine and 
 G-reeke, but alsoe in divers foraigne languages. 
 
 In Paul Heintzner's Travels, 1598, is the following descrip- 
 tion : — 
 
 She was said to be fifty-five years old. Her face was rather 
 long, white, and somewhat wrinkled; her eyes small, black, 
 and gracious ; her nose somewhat bent ; her lips compressed ; 
 her teeth black (from eating too much sugar). She had ear- 
 rings of pearls, red hair (but artificial), and wore a small crown. 
 Her breast was uncovered (as is the case with all unmarried 
 ladies in England), and round her neck was a chain with pre- 
 cious gems. Her hands were graceful, her fingers long. She 
 was of middle size, but stepped on majestically. She was gra- 
 cious and kind in her address. The dress she wore was of 
 white silk, with pearls as large as beans. Her cloak was of 
 black silk, with silver lace, and a long train was carried by a 
 marchioness. She spoke English, French, and Italian ; but she 
 knew also Greek and Latin, and understood Spanish, Scotch, 
 and Dutch. Wherever she turned her eyes, people fell on their 
 knees. When she came to the door of the chapel, books were 
 handed to her, and the people called out, " God save the Queen 
 Elizabeth!" whereupon the Queen answered, "I thanke you, 
 myn good peuple." 
 
 Among the spirited repartees and impromptus of the queen 
 which have descended to our time is her ingenious evasion of 
 a direct answer to a theological question respecting the sacra- 
 ment of the Lord's Supper. On being asked by a Popish 
 priest whether she allowed the real presence, she replied, — 
 
 Christ was the word that spake it : 
 He took the hread and brake it ; 
 And what that word did make it, 
 That I believe and take it. 
 
 In an old folio copy of the Arcadia, preserved at Wilton, 
 have been found two interesting relics, — a lock of Queen 
 Elizabeth's hair, and some lines in the handwriting of Sir 
 Philip Sidney. The hair was given by the queen to her young 
 
776 PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 
 
 hero, who complimented her in return as follows : — 
 
 Her inward worth all outward worth transcends ; 
 
 Envy her merits with regret commends ; 
 
 Like sparkling gems her virtues draw the light, 
 
 And in her conduct she is always bright. 
 
 When she imparts her thoughts, her words have force, 
 
 And sense and wisdom flow in sweet discourse. 
 
 The date of this exchange was 1583, when the queen was 
 forty and the knight twenty-nine. Elizabeth's hair is very 
 fine, soft, and silky, with the undulation of water ; its color, a 
 fair auburn or golden brown, without a tinge of red, as her 
 detractors assert. In every country under the sun, such hair 
 would be pronounced beautiful. 
 
 shakspeare's orthodoxy. 
 
 The numerous biographers of the immortal bard have said 
 little or nothing of his religious character, leaving the in- 
 ference that he was indifferent to religion and careless as to 
 the future. They seem to forget such passages as his beau- 
 tiful reference to Palestine in Henry IV. : — 
 
 Those holy fields, 
 Over whose acres walked those blessed feet 
 Which, fourteen hundred years ago, were nailed, 
 For our advantage, on the bitter cross. 
 
 Shakspeare's will, written two months before his death, (April, 
 1616,) is remarkable for its evangelical character. He says : — 
 
 "First, I commend my soul into the hands of God, my 
 Creator, hoping, and assuredly believing, through the merits 
 of Jesus Christ, my Saviour, to be made partaker of life ever- 
 lasting; and my body to the earth whereof it is made." 
 
 Nor should we overlook the bond of Christian sympathy 
 with his parish minister, Rev. Richard Byfield, whose church 
 he constantly attended during his retirement at Stratford. 
 
 OLIVER CROMWELL. 
 
 The subjoined sketch of the person and character of the 
 great Protector is from a letter of John Maidstone to Gover 
 
PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 777 
 
 nor Winthrop, of Connecticut, written soon after Cromwell's 
 death : — 
 
 Before I pass further, pardon me in troubling you with the 
 character of his person, which, by reason of my nearness to 
 him, I had opportunity well to observe. His body was well 
 compact and strong; his stature under six feet (I believe 
 about two inches) ; his head so shaped as you might see it a 
 storehouse and shop, both a vast treasury of natural parts. 
 His temper exceeding fiery, as I have known ; but the flame of 
 it kept down for the most part, or soon allayed with those moral 
 endowments he had. He was naturally compassionate towards 
 objects in distress, even to an effeminate measure, though 
 G-od had made him a heart wherein was left little room for 
 any fear but what was due to himself, of which there was a 
 large proportion ; yet did he excel in tenderness towards suf- 
 ferers. A larger soul, I think, hath seldom dwelt in a house 
 of clay than his was. I do believe, if his story were impar- 
 tially transmitted and the unprejudiced world well possessed 
 with it, it would add him to her nine worthies and make that 
 number a decemviri. He lived and died in comfortable commu- 
 nion with his seed, as judicious persons near him well observed. 
 He was that Mordecai that sought the welfare of his people, 
 and spake peace to his seed ; yet were his temptations such as 
 it appeared frequently that he that hath grace enough for 
 many men may have too little for himself; the treasure he had 
 being but in an earthen vessel, and that equally defiled with 
 original sin as any other man's nature is. 
 
 The following newspaper notices in relation to Cromwell's 
 head are interesting : — 
 
 The curious head of Cromwell, which Sir Joshua Reynolds 
 has had the good fortune to procure, is to be shown to his ma- 
 jesty. How much would Charles the First have valued the 
 man that would have brought him Cromwell's head ! — Septem- 
 ber, 1786. 
 
 The real embalmed head of the powerful and renowned 
 
778 PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 
 
 usurper, Oliver Cromwell, styled Protector of the Common- 
 wealth of England, Scotland, and Ireland ; with the original dyes 
 for the medals struck in honor of his victory at Dunbar, &c, 
 &c, are now exhibiting at No. 5 in Mead Court, Old Bond 
 Street (where the Rattlesnake was shown last year). A genu- 
 ine narrative relating to the acquisition, concealment, and pre- 
 servation of these articles to be had at the place of exhibition. 
 — Morning Chronicle, March 18, 1799. 
 
 Cromwell died at Hampton Court in 1658, giving the 
 strongest evidence of his earnest religious convictions and of 
 his sincerity as a Christian. After an imposing funeral pa- 
 geant, the body having been embalmed, he was buried in 
 Westminster. On the restoration of the Stuarts he was taken 
 up and hung in Tyburn. Afterwards his head was cut off, a 
 pike driven up through the neck and skull, and exposed on 
 Westminster Hall. It remained there a long while, until, by 
 some violence, the pike was broken and the head thrown down. 
 It was picked up by a soldier and concealed, and afterwards con- 
 veyed to some friend, who kept it carefully for years. Through 
 a succession of families, which can easily be traced, it has- come 
 into the possession of the daughter of Hon. Mr. Wilkinson, 
 ex-member of Parliament from Buckingham and Bromley. 
 
 The head is almost entire. The flesh is black and sunken, 
 but the features are nearly perfect, and the hair still remains. 
 Even the large wart over one of the eyes — a distinctive mark 
 on his face — is yet perfectly visible. The pike which was 
 thrust through the neck may still be seen, the upper part of iron, 
 nearly rusted off, and the lower or wooden portion in splinters, 
 showing that it was broken by some act of violence. It is 
 known historically that Cromwell was embalmed ; and no per- 
 son thus cared for was ever publicly gibbeted except this illus- 
 trious man. It is a curious keepsake for a lady; but it is care- 
 fully preserved under lock and key in a box of great antiquity, 
 wrapped in a number of costly envelopes. And when it is raised 
 from its hiding-place and held in one's hand, what a world of 
 thought is suggested ! 
 
PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 779 
 
 pope's SKULL. 
 
 William Howitt says that, by one of those acts which neithei 
 science nor curiosity can excuse, the skull of Pope is now in 
 the private collection of a phrenologist. The manner in which 
 it was obtained is said to have been this : — On some occasion 
 of alteration in the church, or burial of some one in the same 
 spot, the coffin of Pope was disinterred, and opened to see the 
 state of the remains. By a bribe to the sexton of the time, 
 possession of the skull was obtained for the night, and another 
 skull was returned instead of it. Fifty pounds were paid to 
 manage and carry through this transaction. Be that as it may, 
 the skull of Pope figures in a private museum. 
 
 wickliffe's ashes. 
 The Council of Constance raised from the grave the bones 
 of the immortal Wickliffe forty years after their interment, 
 burned them to ashes, and threw them into a neighboring 
 brook. "This brook," says Fuller, "conveyed his ashes into 
 Avon, Avon into Severn, Severn into the narrow seas, they into 
 the main ocean ; and thus the ashes of Wickliffe are the em- 
 blem of his doctrine, which now is dispersed all the world 
 over." "So," says Foxe, "was he resolved into three elements, 
 earth, fire, and water, thinking thereby utterly to extinguish 
 both the name and doctrine of Wickliffe forever. But as there 
 is no counsel against the Lord, so there is no keeping down of 
 verity. It will spring and come out of dust and ashes, as ap- 
 peared right well in this man ; for, though they digged up his 
 body, burnt his bones, and drowned his ashes, yet the word of 
 God and truth of his doctrines, with the fruit and success 
 thereof, they could not burn. They to this day remain." 
 
 Cardan, and Burton, the author of the Anatomy of Melan- 
 choly, who were famous for astrological skill, both suffered a 
 voluntary death merely to verify their own predictions. 
 
780 PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 
 
 TALLEYRANDIANA. 
 
 A banker, anxious about the rise or fall of stocks, came once 
 to Talleyrand for information respecting the truth of a rumor 
 that George III. had suddenly died, when the statesman 
 replied in a confidential tone: "I shall be delighted, if the 
 information I have to give be of any use to you." The banker 
 was enchanted at the prospect of obtaining authentic inteh 
 ligence from so high a source ; and Talleyrand, with a mysterious 
 air, continued: ''Some say the King of England is deadj 
 others, that he is not dead : for my own part, I believe neither 
 the one nor the other. I tell you this in confidence, but do not 
 commit me." 
 
 During Talleyrand's administration, when the seals of private 
 letters were not very safe, the Spanish Ambassador complained, 
 with an expressive look, to that Minister, that one of his des^ 
 patches had been opened. "Oh!" returned the statesman, after 
 listening with profound attention, " I shall wager I can guess how 
 the thing happened. I am convinced your despatch was opened 
 by some one who desired to know what was inside." 
 
 When Louis XVIII., at the Restoration, praised the subtile 
 diplomatist for his talents and influence, he disclaimed the com- 
 pliment, but added, what might serve both as a hint and a 
 threat: "There is, however, some inexplicable thing about me, 
 that prevents any government from prospering that attempts to 
 set me aside." 
 
 After the Pope excommunicated his apostate Abbe, that un- 
 worthy son of the church wrote to a friend, saying : " Come 
 and comfort me : come and sup with me. Everybody is going 
 to refuse me fire and water; we shall therefore have nothing 
 this evening but iced meats, and drink nothing but wine." 
 
 When the Abbe Dupanloup told him, during his last hour, 
 that the Archbishop of Paris had said he would willingly die 
 for him, the dying statesman said, with his expiring breath : 
 "He might make a better use of his life." 
 
PERSONAL SKETCHES AND ANECDOTES. 781 
 
 He proposed that the Duchess de Berri should be threatened 
 for all her strange conspicuous freaks, thus : " Madame, there is 
 no hope for you, you will be tried, condemned, and pardoned r 
 
 Speaking of a well-known lady on one occasion, he said em- 
 phatically : — 
 
 "She is insufferable." 
 
 Then, as if relenting, he added: 
 
 "But that is her only fault." 
 
 Madame de Stael cordially hated him, and in her story of 
 Delphine was supposed to have painted herself in the person 
 of her heroine, and Talleyrand in that of a garrulous old 
 woman. On their first meeting, the wit pleasantly remarked, 
 " They tell me that we are both of us in your novel, in the dis- 
 guise of women." 
 
 While making a few days' tour in England, he wrote this 
 note to a gentleman connected with the Treasury : — 
 
 " My dear Sir, 
 
 " Would you give a short quarter of an hour to explain to me the financial 
 system, of your country ? " Always yours, 
 
 "Talleyrand." 
 
 PORSON. 
 A favorite diversion of Porson, when among a party of literary 
 men, was to quote a few lines of poetry, and ask if any of the 
 company could tell where they came from. He frequently 
 quoted the following lines without finding any one able to name 
 the author: — 
 
 For laws that are inanimate, 
 
 And feel no sense of love or hate, 
 
 That have no passion of their own, 
 
 Or pity to be wrought upon, I 
 
 Are only proper to inflict 
 
 Revenge on criminals as strict : 
 
 But to have power to forgive 
 
 Is empire and prerogative; 
 
 And 'tis in crowns a nobler gem 
 
 To grant a pardon than condemn. 
 
782 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 The lines remind the Shakspeare student of a similar verse in 
 Measure for Measure, (Act III, Sc. 2.): — 
 
 He that the sword of state would bear, 
 , Should be holy as severe ; 
 Pattern in himself to know, 
 Grace to stand, and virtue go, &c. 
 
 The company generally guessed every likely author but the 
 right one. When conjecture was exhausted, Porson would 
 satisfy curiosity by telling them the lines were in Butler's 
 Hudibras, and would be found in The Heroic Epistle of 
 Hudibras to his Lady, which few people ever did read, and no 
 one now thinks of reading. 
 
 yfytetoxiwl Mtmoxavtia. 
 
 THE FIRST BLOOD SHED IN OUR REVOLUTION. 
 
 The "First Blood of the Revolution " is commonly supposed 
 to have been shed at Lexington, April 19, 1775; but West- 
 minster, Vt., files a prior claim in favor of one William French, 
 who it is asserted was killed on the night of March 13, 1775, 
 at the Kings court-house, in what is now Westminster. At 
 that time Vermont was a part of New York, and the King's 
 court officers, together with a body of troops, were sent on to 
 Westminster to hold the usual session of the court. The people, 
 however, were exasperated, and assembled in the court-house 
 to resist. A little before midnight the troops of George the 
 Third advanced and fired indiscriminately upon the crowd, in- 
 stantly killing William French, whose head was pierced by a 
 musket ball. He was buried in the churchyard, and a stone 
 erected to his memory, with this quaint inscription : — 
 
 " In Memory of William French, Who Was Shot at Westminster March 
 ye 12th, 1775, by the hand of the Cruel Ministerial tools of Georg ye 3rd 
 at the Courthouse at 11 o'clock at Night in the 22d year of his age. 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 783 
 
 " Here William French his Body lies, 
 For Murder his Blood for Vengeance Cries. 
 King Georg the third his Tory crew 
 that with a bawl his head Shot threw, 
 For Liberty and his Countrys Good 
 he Lost his Life his Dearest blood." 
 
 THE " TEA-PARTY" AND THE "TEA-BURNING." 
 
 The world has rung with the story of the "Boston tea- 
 party," how in the darkness of night certain men disguised as 
 Indians threw overboard the cargo which bore the obnoxious 
 duty, and kept their secret so well that even their own families 
 were not trusted with it. It was a resolute and patriotic act, 
 and answered its purpose. But why all the darkness, the dis- 
 guise and mystery ? Because the number of those who opposed 
 the act, either from loyalty to Great Britain, from timidity, or 
 from pecuniary interest in the cargo, was so great, that only by 
 such means could the deed be done and the doers of it escape 
 punishment. 
 
 How does this compare with the "tea-burning" in Annapolis 
 in the same year ? Here the course to be taken was publicly 
 and calmly discussed in open assembly ; the resolution arrived 
 at was openly announced, and carried out in the face of day, 
 the owner of the vessel himself applying the torch. This was 
 the Maryland way of doing the thing; and it may well be 
 asked whether the calm judicial dignity of the procedure, the 
 unanimity of sentiment, the absence alike of passion and of 
 concealment, are not far worthier of commemoration and ad- 
 miration than the act of men who, even for a patriotic purpose, 
 had to assume the garb of conspirators and do a deed of 
 darkness. 
 
 The local historians thus tell the story :- 
 
 On the 14th of October, the brig Peggy Stewart arrived at 
 Annapolis, having in its cargo a few packages of tea. The 
 duty was paid by the owner of the vessel. The people were 
 outraged at the attempt to fix upon them the badge of servi- 
 tude, by the payment of the tax. 
 
784 
 
 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 A meeting was held, at which it was determined that the 
 tea should not be landed. The owner, fearing further trouble, 
 proposed to destroy the tea. But that was not sufficient pun- 
 ishment. The offence was a grave one, for had this attempt 
 succeeded, it would have been followed by others more aggres- 
 sive, and thus the very principle which was contended for 
 would have been overthrown in the end. It was the head of 
 the ugly beast that was thrust in the door, and it must not 
 only be put out, but driven out by blows, lest growing bold, 
 it should push its whole body in. 
 
 After much discussion it was proposed to burn the vessel. 
 The meeting did not consent to this, but many expressed their 
 determination to raise a force to accomplish the brig's destruction. 
 
 Acting under the advice of Mr. Carroll of Carrollton, the 
 owner, seeing that the loss of his property was certain, and wil- 
 ling to repair his good name, even by that loss, proposed to de- 
 stroy the vessel with his own hands. In the presence of the 
 assembled multitude he set fire to it, with the tea on board, — 
 expiating his offence by the destruction of his property. 
 
 The striking features of this transaction were not only the 
 boldness with which it was executed, but the deliberation and 
 utter carelessness of concealment in all the measures leading to- 
 rts accomplishment. 
 
 It was not until the 28th of November that the Dartmouth 
 arrived in Boston harbor, and not until the 16th of December 
 that protracted discussion ended in the # overthrow of its cargo. 
 The tea-ship sent to South Carolina arrived December 2d, and 
 the tea-ship to Philadelphia, December 25th. The cargo of 
 the former perished in storage; that of the latter was sent 
 back. 
 
 THE UNITED STATES NAVY. 
 
 A South Carolina correspondent of the American Historical 
 Record writes as follows concerning the inception of the 
 Navy: — 
 
 A few years ago, while looking over a volume of manuscript 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 785 
 
 letters in the Charleston (South Carolina) Library, I found a 
 leaf of coarse foolscap, with the following endorsement: — 
 
 ORIGIN OF THE NAVY. 
 
 At a caucus in 1794, consisting of Izard, Morris, and Ells- 
 worth of the Senate, Ames, Sedgwick, Smith, Dayton, &c. of 
 the Representatives, and of Secretaries Hamilton and Knox, to 
 form a plan for a national navy, Smith began the figuring as 
 Secretary of the meeting. Hamilton then took the pen, and 
 instead of minuting the proceedings, he amused himself by 
 making a variety of flourishes during the discussion. In con- 
 sequence of the plan adopted at this meeting, a bill was reported 
 for building six frigates, which formed the foundation or origin 
 of the American Navy. 
 
 The "figuring" on the top of the page consists of five lines, 
 and is as follows : — 
 
 First cost of a frigate, 44 guns, of 1,300 tons, and 
 
 provision for six months $150,000 
 
 350 men 51,000 
 
 Provision for six months 11,000 
 
 Total $212,000 
 
 Then follows an estimate of the annual cost of such a vessel. 
 The rest of the page below these estimates is occupied by 
 bold flourishes, which seem, if they mean anything, to imitate 
 a drawing of a peacock's tail " in its pride." Similar scratching, 
 but to a less extent is on the other side of the page. 
 
 The only letter addressed to Shakspeare, which is un- 
 doubtedly genuine, is that now in the museum at Stratford, from 
 Richard Quinn, the actor, asking for a loan of £20. This letter 
 is endorsed : " To my lovinge good ffriend and countreyman, 
 Mr. William Shackespere deliver Thees." If the writer spelled 
 names no better than other words, this affords little aid to the 
 solution of the perplexing question, for notwithstanding the 
 outrageous fashion in which our forefathers spelled English, he 
 is considerably ahead of his age in this respect. 
 2Z 66* 
 
786 
 
 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 QUAKER "MALIGNANTS. 
 
 There has been discovered in Boston the following letter 
 relative to William Penn, written "September ye 15, 1682." 
 by Cotton Mather, to "ye aged and beloved Mr. John Hig- 
 ginson": — 
 
 There bee now at sea a shippe (for our friend Mr. Esaias Holoraft, of 
 London, did advise me by ye last packet that it wolde sail some time in 
 August) called ye Welcome, R. Greenaway, master, which has aboard an 
 hundred or more of ye heretics and malignants called Quakers, with W. 
 Penne, who is ye chief scampe at ye hedde of them. Ye General Court 
 has accordingly given secret orders to Master Malachi Huxett, of ye brig 
 Porposse, to waylaye ye said Welcome as near the coast of Codde as may 
 be, and make captive ye said Penne and his ungodlie crew, so that ye 
 Lord may be glorified and not mocked on ye soil of this new countrie with 
 ye heathen worshippe of tbese people. Much spoyl can be made by selling 
 ye whole lotte to Barbadoes, where slaves fetch good prices in rumme and 
 sugar, and we shall not only do ye Lord great service by punishing ye 
 wicked, but shall make great gayne for his ministers and people. 
 
 Master Huxett feels hopeful, and I will set down ye news he brings 
 when his shippe comes back. 
 
 Yours in ye bowels of Christ, 
 
 Cotton Mather. 
 
 AN AMERICAN MONARCHY. 
 
 After the downfall of Napoleon I., in 1815, several young 
 Americans who subsequently earned high position as writers 
 and statesmen, among them Irving, Everett, Ticknor, Legare, 
 and Preston, (afterward Senator from South Carolina,) went to 
 Europe for the benefit of foreign travel. While abroad, they 
 took an opportunity to pay a visit to Sir Walter Scott, and Mr. 
 Preston relates that during the evening, in the course of con- 
 versation, Sir Walter gave an account of a curious discovery he 
 had made. 
 
 Not long after it had been divulged who was the author of 
 the "Waverley Novels," Scott was the Kegent's (afterward 
 George the Fourth) guest in the royal palace, where, one day, 
 the latter ordered the key of a certain room to be given to the 
 great writer, saying that it opened the door of the Stuart 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 787 
 
 Chamber, where all the papers concerning the Stuarts and 
 their pretenders were kept. George gave Scott full permission 
 to rummage among all these records, and to use what he liked 
 for his works. "I depend on your discretion," he said, and 
 Scott went. He spent several days in this curious chamber, and, 
 so he told Preston, one day stumbled upon what seemed to him 
 a remarkable paper. It consisted of a call and petition, by 
 Scottish in America, chiefly, however, by the Gaelic Scottish 
 who had a settlement — "saddle-bagging" as it is sometimes 
 expressed in the West — in North Carolina, addressed to the 
 Pretender (Prince Charles Edward, grandson of James the 
 Second), as he was then called, to come to America and assume 
 the crown of this realm. 
 
 The question whether this country had not best be turned 
 into a monarchy was seriously and very naturally mooted, in 
 the earliest days of our national existence, but until this sin- 
 gular revelation was made, it was not known that such a positive 
 offer, a very strange one, to say the least, had been made. 
 
 THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER. 
 
 The following description of the significance of the different 
 parts of our national flag was written by a member of the com- 
 mittee appointed by the Continental Congress to design a flag 
 for the young Republic: — 
 
 The stars of the new flag represent the new constellation of States rising 
 in the West. The idea was taken from the constellation of Lyra, which in 
 the land of Orpheus signifies harmony. The blue in the field was taken 
 from the edges of the Covenanter's banner, in Scotland, significant of the 
 league-covenant of the United Colonies against oppression, incidentally 
 involving the virtues of vigilance, perseverance and justice. The stars 
 were disposed in a circle symbolizing the perpetuity of the Union ; the 
 ring, like the serpent of the Egyptians, signifying eternity. The thirteen 
 stripes showed with the stars, the number of the United Colonies, and 
 denoted the subordination of the States to the Union, as well as equality 
 among themselves. The whole was the blending of the various flags of 
 the army and the white ones of the floating batteries. The red color, 
 which in Roman days was the signal of defiance, denoted daring; and the 
 white purity. 
 
788 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 THE FRENCH TRICOLOR. 
 
 The French tricolor, so far from being a revolutionary flag, 
 is more ancient than the white flag, and was, in fact, the flag of 
 the House of Bourbon. Clovis, when he marched through 
 Tours to fight the Visigoths, adopted as his banner the scope 
 of St. Martin, which was blue, and thus blue was, so to speak, 
 the first French color. The oriflamme, which was the particular 
 flag of the Abbey of St. Denis, and was red, became to a certain 
 extent the national flag, when St. Denis came under the pro- 
 tection of the kings of France, the kings still preserving their 
 blue flag studded with golden fleurs de lis. The white flag 
 (which was also the banner of Joan of Arc) has in all countries, 
 and through all times, been the sign of authority. And when 
 Louis XIV. destroyed the functions of the colonels-general of 
 the different corps that bore the white standard, the color 
 •became the emblem of Royal authority. Nevertheless, it is 
 useless to dispute the fact that the tricolor took its rise as the 
 badge of the National Guard at the French Revolution, and 
 that it will be as difficult to separate it from the idea of revo- 
 lution as to separate the white flag from the idea of legitimacy. 
 
 THE POLITICAL GAMUT. 
 
 In 1815 the French newspapers announced the departure of 
 Bonaparte from Elba, his progress through France, and his entry 
 into Paris, in the following manner: — 
 
 March 9. The Anthropophagus has quitted his den. — 
 March 10. The Corsican Ogre has landed at Cape Juan. — 
 March 11. The Tiger has arrived at Gap. — March 12. The 
 Monster slept at Grenoble.— -March 13. The Tyrant has passed 
 through Lyons. — March 14. The Usurper is directing his steps 
 towards Dijon, but the brave and loyal Burgundians have risen 
 en masse, and surrounded him on all sides. — March 18. Bona- 
 parte is only sixty leagues from the capital; he has been 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 789 
 
 fortunate enough to escape the hands of his pursuers. — March 
 19. Bonaparte is advancing with rapid steps, but he will never 
 enter Paris. — March 20. Napoleon will, to-morrow, be under 
 our ramparts.— March 21. The Emperor is at Fontainebleau.— 
 March 22. His Imperial and Royal Majesty yesterday evening 
 arrived at the Tuileries, amidst the joyful acclamations of his 
 devoted and faithful subjects. 
 
 The Journal des Debats, in reference to the escape from Elba, 
 spoke of Napoleon on the 9th of March, as "the Poltroon of 
 181^ On the 15th it said to him, "Scourge of generations 
 thou shalt reign no more!" On the 16th he is "a Robespierre 
 on horseback"; on the 19th,« the adventurer from Corsica"; but 
 on the 21st, we are gravely told that " the emperor has pur- 
 sued his triumphal course, having found no other enemies than 
 the miserable libels which were vainly scattered on his path to 
 impede his progress " 
 
 THE FLIGHT OF EUGENIE. 
 
 The following particulars of the flight of the Empress of 
 France from Paris, in consequence of the subversion of the 
 Napoleonic dynasty by the capitulation of Sedan, were fur- 
 nished by the late Bishop Mcllvaine, of Ohio, who obtained 
 them from one who aided the flight of Eugenie, and are there- 
 fore stamped with the essentials of authenticity. 
 
 The safety of the Empress had been assured to her by Gene- 
 ral Trochu, who had solemnly promised to inform her of the 
 approach of danger. For some unexplained reasons he failed 
 to do so, and when on Sunday the mob began to assemble about 
 the Tuileries, three of her friends, Prince Metternich, the Spanish 
 Ambassador and M. Lesseps, formed a plan for her escape, and 
 went to her rescue. M. Lesseps stood outside and harangued 
 the mob for the purpose of detaining them, while the two other 
 gentlemen went in search of the Empress. They found her 
 partaking of a very frugal lunch with one of her ladies, and 
 her fears could not be aroused. Seeing it impossible to persuade 
 
790 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 her, the two gentlemen used force to remove her. At this she 
 consented to make a slight preparation, and without at all 
 changing her dress, (for the mob had already entered the 
 Palace), catching up a small leathern reticule, she put into it 
 two pocket-handkerchiefs, and two books, the New Testament 
 and a prayer-book. On her head she put a riding hat, and then 
 by that time thoroughly aroused, she fled through the Palace, 
 through long corridors, up and down flights of stairs, through 
 chamber and salon, a long distance before they came down to the 
 Rue Rivoli, on which side of the Palace the mob had not col- 
 lected. Here a cab awaited her. She, with the lady in attend- 
 ance, was put into it. "Now," said the friends, "we must leave 
 you; too well-known, our attendance would bring destruction 
 upon you ! Make good speed ! " Yes, good speed, for she heard 
 the cries of the furious mob, and as she was entering the cab a 
 little boy exclaimed, "There is the Empress," and she thought 
 all was lost ; but it proved that there was no one there to take 
 notice, and so the two ladies drove off. Soon they came into 
 the midst of the excited crowd, and the lady accompanying her 
 questioned on this side and the other the meaning of it all, and 
 appeared to be lost in wonder at the proceedings, while the 
 Empress sank back out of sight in the carriage. They had a 
 long ride out beyond the Champs Elysees to the quieter parts 
 of the city, when they alighted, dismissed the cab, to avoid 
 giving any clew in case of pursuit, and walked some distance. 
 Where should she go? To whom flee? What friend trust? 
 There was but one to whom she would venture, and that one 
 an American gentlemen of some note, who, with his wife, had 
 long been a friend of both Emperor and Empress. So they took 
 another cab for the house of this gentleman (whom we will 
 
 call Mr. W ), arriving there to find him away from home, 
 
 and his wife absent for the summer at a small seaport on the 
 coast. The servant under these circumstances was extremely 
 ungracious, and quite refused to admit these strange ladies, and 
 when at last, upon their insisting, they were admitted to the 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 791 
 
 house, she was unwilling to show them into an apartment 
 suitable for them, and it was not without some difficulty that 
 they were allowed to wait in the library for the owner's return. 
 When at last he returned and entered the room, judge of his 
 surprise at the sight of the Empress. " You must get me im- 
 mediately out of France, — this very night," exclaimed the Em- 
 press the moment she saw him. Out of France that very 
 night ? He told her it was impossible. He was expecting a 
 party of friends to dinner, but would plead sudden business and 
 excuse himself, and make preparations as quickly as possible 
 for her flight ; but, in the meantime, she must be quiet and rest. 
 This she was prevailed upon to do, and, supplying herself from 
 
 Mrs. W 's wardrobe, retired for the night. 
 
 The dinner party, receiving the excuses of the host, and 
 overcome with a sense of mystery, soon withdrew in spite of 
 the cordial message and wishes of the gentleman that they would 
 make themselves merry in his absence. At four o'clock in the 
 
 morning a carriage stood at the door, into which Mr. W 
 
 put the two ladies, and, driving himself, they set off on their 
 way out of France, pursuing quiet streets, confining their course 
 to unfrequented roads and lanes of the country, and avoiding 
 the more public highways, until the horses were worn out. They 
 were then near a little village ; and the question arose how to 
 get a carriage brought to them, and explain why they could not 
 
 go to it. Mr. W went to the inn and, having found a 
 
 private carriage which was waiting over there, agreed with the 
 servant to come out a mile or so and carry his party, Mr. 
 
 W 's two sisters — one of whom was very lame indeed, 
 
 and could not walk a step — some miles on, till they should 
 come to a railway. This done and the lame lady with much 
 difficulty put into the carriage by her "brother" and "sister," 
 they proceeded for a distance until they came to a railway, 
 where they left the carriage to break up the clew, and rode a 
 short distance in the rail-car without attracting attention. Then 
 they took another carriage, riding in roundabout ways, until at 
 
792 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 the end of two days they reached the little seaport where Mrs. 
 
 W was spending the summer. How must Mr. W 
 
 conduct the ladies into the presence of his wife without being 
 observed by every one? After some reconnoitring, this was 
 successfully accomplished, and throwing her arms around the 
 
 neck of Mrs. W , Eugenie exclaimed: "You and your 
 
 husband are the only friends left to me in the world." She, 
 with the lady who accompanied her, remained in the room 
 
 of Mrs. W , lest some one should see and recognize her. 
 
 No servant could be allowed to enter the room. Mrs. W 
 
 brought food to the two ladies and served the Empress in 
 everything, who expostulated at the inconvenience she was 
 causing her friend, and insisted upon waiting upon herself, 
 her behavior being of such a sweet character as still more to 
 endear her to her friends, who were risking nearly all they pos- 
 sessed in her cause. 
 
 Their plan was now to get her across the Channel to the Isle 
 of Wight, and thence to England. There were but two con- 
 veyances in the harbor — both private yachts — and only one able 
 to get out to sea. The owner of that one flatly refused to take 
 the ladies over, but at last, after the identity of the ladies had 
 been made known and much persuasion used, he consented, and 
 
 Mr. W and the two ladies, with the reticule containing 
 
 two pocket-handkerchiefs, set out the day after their arrival 
 in the little seaport town on their voyage to England. 
 
 This is a journey usually made in a few hours; but a terrible 
 storm arising, it was prolonged to twenty-seven. The same 
 night and in the same waters the ever-memorable vessel the 
 Captain went down. But although the gentleman in command 
 lost all control of himself and ship, they weathered the storm. 
 
 During this time Eugenie showed the most remarkable self- 
 possession, and evidently looked upon death as a relief from her 
 woes. But this was not to be, and after a passage fraught with 
 the most imminent danger, she was landed on the Isle of Wight, 
 to find on English ground that asylum which had been sought 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 793 
 
 by so many fugitives before her. And to add to her relief, her 
 son, of whose whereabouts she knew nothing, was found to be 
 in Hastings, not far from her. 
 
 Such is the true story of Eugenie's escape from Paris and 
 France. What a sad, sad tale of fallen greatness ! How much 
 must she have suffered in those few days! the fury of a 
 Paris mob in her ears; the fear of pursuit at her back; how 
 often did she start, and give herself up for lost! What 
 threatening meaning did many an accidental phrase assume! 
 No wonder her courage sustained the fearful storm ; the thun- 
 der and lightning, the waters, however dark and cold and deep, 
 would be far more merciful than that dreadful mob that called 
 out her name, the mob that had shown no pity to the little 
 child or tender woman, and derided with the bitterest insults 
 the fond Marie Antoinette at the guillotine. Oh, France! 
 when we remember those days of terror, can we wonder at this 
 retribution ? 
 
 NAPOLEON III. 
 
 The following lines, suggested by the rise of Louis Napoleon, 
 were written January 6th, 1853. The capitulation of Sedan 
 occurred September 1, 1870, and the death of the exile of 
 Chiselhurst, January 9, 1873. 
 
 The light-house that once crowned the pointed rock 
 Of Eddystone, its bold inventor deem'd 
 A work to last for centuries, nor dream'd 
 
 It would succumb beneath the tempest's shock : 
 
 And, therefore, as if Providence to mock, 
 
 He housed within it when the lightning gleam'd 
 Mid storm and darkness, but when morning beam'd, 
 
 Nought stood upon the bare and granite block! 
 
 Ambition thus dares all, and rears on high, 
 With the audacity of human pride, 
 
 A pile that may with Egypt's wonders vie; 
 
 Perceiving not — presumptuous homicide ! — 
 
 The ministers of wrath, that lurking nigh, 
 
 Will scatter the proud fabric far and wide. 
 67 
 
794 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 THE EMPIRE IS PEACE. 
 
 This memorable utterance was originally made at Toulouse 
 in the autumn of 1852, while Louis Napoleon was feeling the 
 public pulse in the vineyards of Southern France, preparatory 
 to re-establishing the imperial regime. At the close of a 
 splendid banquet given to him by the Chamber of Commerce, 
 in the Bourse, the Prince-President, emboldened by the mad 
 enthusiasm of the company present, suddenly cast off all reserve, 
 and unequivocally announced the impending change. " There 
 is one objection," he urged in vindication of his purpose, "to 
 which I must reply. Certain minds seem to entertain a dread 
 of war ; certain persons say, the Empire is only war. But I 
 say, the Empire is Peace (l'Empire c'est la Paix), for 
 France desires it ; and when France is satisfied the world is 
 tranquil." 
 
 JEFFERSON ON MARIE ANTOINETTE. 
 
 Mr. Jefferson's estimate of Marie Antoinette is not so favor- 
 able as that of some writers; for many years after his return 
 from France he wrote of her thus : — 
 
 This angel, as gaudily painted in the rhapsodies of Burke, with some 
 smartness of fancy, but no sound sense, was proud, disdainful of restraint, 
 indignant at all obstacles to her will, eager in the pursuit of pleasure, and 
 firm enough to hold to her desires, or perish in their wreck. Her inordinate 
 gambling and dissipations, with those of the Count d'Artois and others of 
 her clique, had been a sensible item in the exhaustion of the treasury, which 
 called into action the reforming hand of the nation ; and her opposition to 
 it, her inflexible perverseness and dauntless spirit, led herself to the guillo- 
 tine, drew the king on with her, and plunged the world into crimes and 
 calamities which will forever stain the pages of modern history. I have 
 ever believed that had there been no queen there would have been no Revo- 
 lution. No force would have been provoked or exercised. [He adds, that 
 he would not have voted for the execution of the sovereign. He would 
 have shut the queen up in a convent, and deprived the king only of irre- 
 sponsible and arbitrary power.] 
 
 GENERAL BLttCHER. 
 
 This "personal" of Bliicher is from the Recollections of 
 Lady Clementina Davies : — When the special messengers arrived 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 795 
 
 to inform Bliicher that Napoleon had escaped from Elba, and 
 that his services would be immediately required in the field, 
 they were astonished to find him literally running round and 
 round a large room, the floor of which was covered with saw- 
 dust, and in which he had immured himself under the delusion 
 that he was an elephant. For the time it was feared that 
 Bliicher was hopelessly insane, or that he was so far suffering 
 from delirium tremens that his active co-operation in the an- 
 ticipated campaign would be impossible ; but when the urgent 
 news was brought him he at once recovered himself, and pro- 
 ceeded to give his advice in a perfectly sound state of mind, 
 the tone of which was thus, as by a sudden shock, restored to 
 him. 
 
 THE MOTHER OP CHARLES V. 
 
 An interesting historical discovery has been made by a Prus- 
 sian savant, of the name of Bergenroth, who was commissioned 
 by the English Government to investigate various collections of 
 Spanish archives for papers illustrating the relations between . 
 Spain and England in the middle ages. Among other important 
 documents, M. Bergenroth discovered a hitherto unpublished 
 mass of correspondence of Ferdinand the Catholic and Char- 
 les V. 
 
 From this correspondence it appears that Joanna, daughter 
 of Ferdinand and Isabella, and mother of Charles, was not 
 really mad, as all the world has hitherto believed. The story 
 was an atrocious fabrication, under cover of which, first her 
 father, and then her son kept her incarcerated, in order to keep 
 possession themselves of the crown of Castile, which was hers 
 by right of her mother Isabella. After long years of rigorous 
 and even cruel captivity, the unfortunate lady did at last lose 
 her senses, but not until her old age. 
 
 We are continually called upon to reconstruct our views of 
 history, which, the more we study it, more and more resembles 
 Hamlet's cloud, taking whatever shape partisanship may deter- 
 
796 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 mine. We must draw a new likeness of Charles, who is no 
 longer the prince full of Flemish bonhomie, good knight, and 
 boon companion, rigorous and despotic, but not personally cruel ; 
 and when this is done, Philip II. will appear a less surprising 
 anomaly. 
 
 THE TRADITIONAL MARY MAGDALENE. 
 
 The injurious and probably unjust inferences respecting Mary 
 Magdalene, as drawn by the general assent of the Christian 
 Church from the narratives of the Evangelists, in which mention 
 is made of her attendance on our Lord, want the stamp of 
 confirmation. Such portraiture is more traditional than au- 
 thoritative. The prevailing conjecture that the infirmity of 
 which she had been cured implied moral guilt was rejected, or 
 mentioned with hesitation, by the early Greek and Latin 
 Fathers. It was taken up by Gregory the Great, and stamped 
 with his authority in the latter part of the sixth century. It 
 is sanctioned by the Roman Breviary, and its truth has been 
 assumed by most ecclesiastical writers, who seem to think that 
 Mary loved much because she had much to be forgiven. Paint- 
 ers and poets have described the supposed illustrious penitent, 
 in loose array, without giving her costume the benefit of her 
 conversion! By these means it became established in the 
 popular mind. This was the more easy, as it supplied an 
 agreeable and interesting contrast. It made one Mary serve as 
 a foil to set off the excellencies of another. Mary, the mother 
 of our Lord, became the type of feminine purity; but the 
 leaders of opinion were not content with giving her those 
 honors to which all Christians consider her justly entitled. To 
 give it, however, the advantage of a striking contrast, and thus 
 make it shine with greater splendor, a female character of an 
 opposite description was wanted — a type of fallen womanhood, 
 penitent and restored. And as " the woman which was a sinner," 
 mentioned by St. Luke in the seventh chapter of his Gospel, is 
 left by the historian strictly anonymous, Mary Magdalene, 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 797 
 
 whose name occurs in the next chapter, was seized on for this 
 purpose, and her character treated in a way which, by any 
 honest woman, would be deemed worse than martyrdom. 
 
 MOTHER GOOSE. 
 
 Mother Goose, instead of being a traditional bard, or a creature 
 of fancy, as commonly supposed, was a veritable personage. The 
 mother-in-law of Thomas Fleet, the editor, in 1731, of the 
 Boston Weekly Eehersal, was the original Mother Goose — the 
 "old woman" of the world-famous melodies. Mother Goose 
 belonged to a wealthy family in Boston, where her eldest 
 daughter, Elizabeth Goose, was married by Cotton Mather, in 
 1715, to Fleet, and in due time gave birth to a son. Like most 
 mothers-in-law in our own day, the importance of Mrs. Goose 
 increased with the appearance of her grandchild, and poor Mr. 
 Fleet, half distracted with her endless nursery ditties, finding 
 all other means fail, tried what ridicule could effect, and actually 
 printed a book with the title: "Songs for the Nursery, or 
 Mother Goose's Melodies for Children, printed by T. Fleet, at 
 his printing house, Pudding Lane, Boston. Price ten coppers/' 
 
 Mother Goose was the mother of nineteen children, and 
 hence we may easily trace the origin of that famous classic: — 
 
 "There was an old woman who lived in a shoe, 
 She had so many children she didn't know what to do." 
 
 HISTORY AND FICTION. 
 
 The archbishop of Canterbury once put the following ques- 
 tion to Betterton, the actor: "How is it that you players, who 
 deal only with things imaginary, affect your auditors as if they 
 were real ; while we preachers, who deal only with things real, 
 affect our auditors as if they were imaginary?" "It is, my 
 lord," replied the player, "because we actors speak of things 
 imaginary as if they were real, while you preachers too often 
 speak of things real as if they were imaginary." Whitefield 
 used to tell this anecdote as an explanation of his own vehement 
 
 67* 
 
798 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 and dramatic style of preaching. The remark may be applied 
 to historical and fictitious writing. The old school historians 
 were so solid and stately that they conveyed only feeble images 
 to the mind, while poets and romancers out of airy nothings 
 have created living and breathing beings. How much more 
 readily we remember romance than history, and yet "truth is 
 stranger than fiction." Shakspeare's Macbeth and Richard are 
 not the Macbeth and Richard of history, yet we cling to the 
 poet's portraits of them, and discard the sober truth. "Mac- 
 beth," Sir Walter Scott tell us, "broke no law of hospitality in 
 his attempt on Duncan's life. He attacked and slew the king 
 at a place called Bothgowan, or the Smith's house, near Elgin, 
 in 1039, and not, as has been supposed, in his own castle of 
 Inverness. The act was bloody, as was the complexion of the 
 times; but in very truth, the claim of Macbeth to the throne, 
 according to the rules of Scottish succession, was better than 
 that of Duncan. As a king, the tyrant so much exclaimed 
 against, was, in realty, a firm, just and equitable prince. Early 
 authorities show us no such persons as Banquo and his son 
 Fleance, nor have we reason to think that the latter ever fled 
 further from Macbeth than across the flat scene according to 
 the stage direction. Neither were Banquo or his son ancestors 
 of the house of Stuart. All these things are now known, but 
 the mind retains pertinaciously the impressions made by the 
 imposition of genius. While the works of Shakspeare are 
 read, and the English language exists, history may say what 
 she will, but the general reader will only recollect Macbeth as 
 the sacrilegious usurper and Richard as the deformed murderer. 
 
 CONTEMPORARY CRITICISM. 
 
 Robert Greene, the Elizabethan dramatist and novelist, in- 
 dulged in the following disparaging criticism in reference to 
 Shakspeare : — 
 
 " There is an upstart crow beautified with our feathers that, 
 with his tiger's heart wrapt in a player's hide, supposes he is 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. * 799 
 
 as Well able to bombast out a blank verse as the best of you, 
 and being an absolute Johannes factotum, is in his own conceit 
 the only Shake-scene in a country/' 
 
 The line in italics is a parody of one in 3 Henry VI., i. 4: — 
 
 " ! tiger's heart wrapped in a woman's hide," which was 
 taken from an old play called the First Part of the Contention 
 of the two famous Houses of York and Lancaster. Shak- 
 speare is known to have founded his Henry VI. upon this 
 piece and another which are supposed to have been written by 
 Greene or his friends, and hence, no doubt, Greene's acrimo- 
 nious remark. 
 
 Says Dugald Stewart in his Essays : — A curious specimen of 
 cotemporary criticism is found in the Letters of the celebrated 
 Waller, who speaks thus of the first appearance of Paradise 
 Lost: — "The old blind schoolmaster, John Milton, hath pub- 
 lished a tedious poem on the Fall of Man. If its length be 
 not considered as merit, it has no other!" Johnson also says, 
 in his Lives of the Poets: "Thompson has lately published a 
 poem, called the Castle of Indolence, in which there are some 
 good stanzas I" 
 
 Why do not men of superior talents strive, for the honor of 
 the arts which they love, to conceal their ignoble jealousies from 
 the malignity of those whom incapacity and mortified pride 
 have leagued together as the covenanted foes of worth and 
 genius? What a triumph has been furnished to the writers 
 who delight in levelling all the proud distinctions of humanity ! 
 and what a stain has been left on some of the fairest pages of 
 our literary history by the irritable passions and petty hostilities 
 of Pope and Addison ! 
 
 Michelet, the historian, showed his extreme aversion to the 
 First Napoleon by describing him as "without eyelashes or eye- 
 brows; with a small quantity of hair of an uncertain brown; 
 with eyes gray, like a pane of glass, wherein one sees nothing; 
 in short, an incomplete and obscure impersonality which ap- 
 pears phantasmagorical." 
 
800 ' HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 GREAT EVENTS FROM LITTLE CAUSES. 
 
 Fortuna quse plurimum potest, cum in aliis rebus, turn preecipue in bello, in 
 parvis momentis magnus rerum mutationes efficit. — Caesar, Be Bello Givili. 
 
 In Poor Richard's Almanac, 1758, Franklin quotes, — "He 
 adviseth to circumspection and care eveu in the smallest matters, 
 because sometimes ' A little neglect may breed great mischief',' 
 adding, ' For want of a nail the shoe was lost ; for want of a 
 shoe the horse was lost; for want of a horse the rider was lost' ; 
 being overtaken and slain by the enemy, all for want of care 
 about a horse-shoe nail. And St. James (ch. iii. v. 5) gives a 
 fine illustration in respect to the government of the tongue, 
 "Behold how great a matter a little fire kindleth." 
 
 In the relations of cause and consequence there must, of 
 course, be many greater causes in readiness to act. An accident- 
 al spark may blow up a fortress — ^provided there be gunpowder 
 in the magazine. But it is as legitimate as it is curious to trace 
 the successive links of a chain of events back to. small accidents. 
 
 "How momentous," says Campbell, "are the results of 
 apparently trivial circumstances ! When Mahomet was flying 
 from his enemies, he took refuge in a cave ; which his pursuers 
 would have entered, if they had not seen a spider's web at the 
 entrance. Not knowing that it was freshly woven, they passed 
 by, and thus a spider's web changed the history of the world. 
 
 When Louis VII. , to obey the injunctions of his bishops, 
 cropped his hair and shaved his beard, Eleanor, his consort, 
 found him, with this unusual appearance, very ridiculous, and 
 soon very contemptible. She revenged herself as she thought 
 proper, and the poor shaved king obtained a divorce. She then 
 married the Count of Anjou, afterwards Henry II. of England. 
 She had for her marriage-dower the rich provinces of Poitou and 
 Guienne ; and this was the origin of those wars which for three 
 hundred years ravaged France, and cost the French three 
 millions of men. All this probably had never occurred had 
 Louis not been so rash as to crop his head, and shave his beard, 
 by which he became so disgustful in the eyes of Queen Eleanor. 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 801 
 
 Warton mentions, in his Notes on Pope, that the Treaty of 
 Utrecht was occasioned by a quarrel between the Duchess of 
 Marlborough and Queen Anne about a pair of gloves. 
 
 The expedition to the island of Re was undertaken to gratify 
 a foolish and romantic passion of the Duke of Buckingham. 
 
 The coquetry of the daughter of Count Julian introduced 
 the Saracens into Spain. 
 
 What can be imagined more trivial, remarks Hume, in one of 
 his essays, than the difference between one color of livery and 
 another in horse races? Yet this difference begat two most 
 inveterate factions in the Greek empire, the Prasini and 
 Veneti ; who never suspended their animosities till they ruined 
 that unhappy government. 
 
 The murder of Caesar in the capitol was chiefly owing to his 
 not rising from his seat when the senate tendered him some 
 particular honors. 
 
 The negotiations with the Pope for dissolving Henry VIII. 's 
 marriage (which brought on the Reformation) are said to have 
 been interrupted by the Earl of Wiltshire's dog biting his holi- 
 ness's toe, when he put it out to be kissed by that ambassador ; 
 and the Duchess of Marlborough's spilling a basin of water on 
 Mrs. Masham's gown, in Queen Anne's reign, brought in the 
 Tory Ministry, and gave a new turn to the affairs of Europe. 
 
 If the nose of Cleopatra had been shorter, said Pascal, in his 
 epigrammatic and brilliant manner, the condition of the world 
 would have been different 
 
 Luther might have been a lawyer, had his friend and com- 
 panion escaped the thunderstorm; Scotland had wanted her 
 stern reformer, if the appeal of the preacher had not startled him 
 in the chapel of St Andrew's Castle ; and if Mr. Grenville had 
 not carried, in 1764, his memorable resolution as to the expedi- 
 ency of charging certain stamp duties on the plantations in 
 America, the western world might still have bowed to the 
 British sceptre. 
 
 Giotto, one of the early Florentine painters, might have con- 
 3A 
 
802 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 tinued a rude shepherd boy, if a sheep drawn by him upon a 
 stone had not accidentally attracted the notice of Cimabue. 
 
 THE SIGNING OP THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE. 
 
 Mr. Jefferson used to relate, with much merriment, that the 
 final signing of the Declaration of Independence was hastened 
 by an absurdly trivial cause. Near the hall in which the 
 debates were then held was a livery stable, from which swarms 
 of flies came into the open windows and assailed the silk-stock- 
 inged legs of honorable members. Handkerchief in hand they 
 lashed the flies with such vigor as they could command on a 
 July afternoon, but the annoyance became at length so extreme 
 as to render them impatient of delay, and they made haste to 
 bring the momentous business to a conclusion. 
 
 After such a long and severe strain upon their minds, mem- 
 bers seem to have indulged in many a jocular observation as 
 they stood around the table. Tradition has it that when John 
 Hancock had affixed his magnificent signature to the paper, he 
 said, "There, John Bull may read my name without spec- 
 tacles!" Tradition, also, will never relinquish the pleasure of 
 repeating that, when Mr. Hancock reminded members of the 
 necessity of hanging together, Dr. Franklin was ready with his 
 " Yes, we must indeed all hang together, or else, must assuredly 
 we shall all hang separately." And this may have suggested to 
 the portly Harrison — a " luxurious, heavy gentleman," as John 
 Adams describes him — his remark to slender Elbridge Gerry, 
 that when the hanging came he should have the advantage, for 
 poor Gerry would be kicking in the air long after it was all 
 over with himself. 
 
 French critics censure Shakspeare for mingling buffoonery 
 with scenes of the deepest tragic interest But here we find 
 one of the most important assemblies ever convened, at the 
 supreme moment of its existence, while performing the act that 
 gives it its rank among deliberate bodies, cracking jokes, and 
 hurrying up to the table to sign, in order to escape the flies. It 
 is precisely so that Shakspeare would have imagined the scene. 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 803 
 
 THE DISCOVERY OP AMERICA. 
 
 According to a Spanish tradition the discovery of America 
 is mainly due to the result of a hard-fought game of chess. 
 Columbus had for seven weary years been dancing attendance 
 upon the Court of Spain in pursuance of the aim of his life. 
 The anxious petitioner for royal favor and assistance had failed 
 to arouse in Ferdinand sufficient interest, in what was declared 
 by the commissioners appointed to report upon the project, to 
 be a visionary and impracticable scheme. True, he had enlisted 
 the sympathy of the good queen Isabella, and his hopes had 
 been encouraged and sustained by her in many ways. But after 
 years of vain solicitation, baffled by the skepticism which could 
 not share his aspirations, he determined to lay his plans before 
 Charles VIII. of France, and accordingly called to take leave 
 of their majesties before his departure from Cordova. Arriving 
 at the palace at nightfall, he announced his purpose to the 
 queen, who instantly sought Ferdinand with a determination to 
 make a final effort on behalf of the sad and discouraged suitor. 
 The king was absorbed in a game of chess with a grandee whose 
 skill taxed his powers to the utmost. Isabella's interruption had 
 the effect of distracting the monarch's attention, and of causing 
 him to lose his principal piece, which was followed by a volley 
 of imprecations on mariners in general, and Columbus in parti- 
 cular. The game grew worse, and defeat seemed imminent. 
 With the prospect of being vanquished, Ferdinand at length 
 told the queen that her protege should be successful or other- 
 wise accordingly as the game resulted. She immediately bent 
 all her energies upon the board, and watched the long contest 
 with concentrated interest. The courtiers clustered around the 
 table, amused at the excitement of the king and the quiet 
 satisfaction of his antagonist. And so the game went on which 
 was to decide the discovery of a new world, until Isabella 
 leaned toward her husband's ear and whispered, "you can 
 checkmate him in four moves/' In the utmost astonishment 
 Ferdinand re-examined the game, found the queen's assertion 
 
804 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 correct, and in the course of a few minutes announced that 
 Columbus should depart on his voyage with the title of Ad- 
 miral of the Elect. 
 
 THE STORY OP TWO FAVORITE BALLADS. 
 
 ANNIE LAURIE. 
 
 The birth of the heroine of the well-known ballad of Annie 
 Laurie is quaintly recorded by her father, Sir Robert Laurie, 
 of Maxwelltown, in the family register, in these words : — 
 
 "At the pleasure of the Almighty God, my daughter, Annie 
 Laurie, was born on the 16th day of December, 1682 years, 
 about 6 o'clock in the morning, and was baptised by Mr. Geo/' 
 ['Hunter, of Grlencairn.] 
 
 And his own marriage is given in the same quaint style : — 
 
 "At the pleasure of the Almighty, I was married to my 
 wife, Jean Riddle, upon the 27th day of July, 1674, in the 
 Trom Kirk of Edinb., by Mr. Annane." 
 
 These statements are derived from the curious collection of 
 manuscripts left by the late Mr. W. F. H. Arundell, of Barjarg 
 Tower, Dumfriesshire. The papers of this industrious collector 
 contain a vast fund of information respecting the antiquities and 
 county families of Dumfriesshire. From them we learn further 
 that Annie was wooed by "William Douglas, of Fingland, in 
 Kirkcudbrightshire. Her charms are thus spoken of in his 
 pathetic lyric, "Bonnie Annie Laurie" : — 
 
 Her brow is like the snow-drift, 
 
 Her neck is like the swan, 
 Her face it is the fairest 
 
 That e'er the sun shone on, 
 That e'er the sun shone on, 
 
 And dark blue is her eye; 
 And for bonnie Annie Laurie 
 
 I'd lay me down and die. 
 
 "She was, however, obdurate to his passionate appeal, pre- 
 ferring Alexander Ferguson, of Craigdarroch, to whom she was 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 805 
 
 eventually married. This William Douglas was said to have 
 been the hero of the well-known song, " Willie was a Wanton 
 Wag." Though he was refused by Annie, he did not pine 
 away in single blessedness, but made a runaway marriage with 
 Miss Elizabeth Clark, of Glenboig, in Galloway, by whom he 
 had four sons and two daughters." 
 
 ROBIN ADAIR. 
 
 Robin Adair was well-known in the London fashionable cir- 
 cles of the last century by the sobriquet of the "Fortunate 
 Irishman ; " but his parentage and the exact place of his birth 
 are unknown. He was brought up as a surgeon, but " his detec- 
 tion in an early amour drove him precipitately from Dublin," to 
 push his fortunes in England. Scarcely had he crossed the 
 Channel when the chain of lucky events that ultimately led him 
 to fame and fortune commenced. 
 
 Near Holyhead, perceiving a carriage overturned, he ran to 
 render assistance. The sole occupant of this vehicle was a " lady 
 of fashion, well-known in polite circles," who received Adair's- 
 attentions with thanks; and, being lightly hurt, and hearing 
 that he was a surgeon, requested him to travel with her in her 
 carriage to London. On their arrival in the metropolis she 
 presented him with a fee of one hundred guineas, and gave him 
 a general invitation to her house. In after life Adair used to 
 say that it was not so much the amount of this fee, but the 
 time it was given, that was of service to him, as he was then 
 almost destitute. But the invitation to her house was a still 
 greater service, for there he met the person who decided his 
 fate in life. This was Lady Caroline Keppel, daughter of the 
 second Earl of Albemarle and of Lady Anne Lenox, daughter 
 of the first Duke of Richmond. Forgetting her high lineage, 
 Lady Caroline, at the first sight of the Irish surgeon, fell des- 
 perately in love with him; and her emotions were so sudden and 
 so violent as to attract the general attention of the company. 
 
 Adair, perceiving his advantage, lost no time in pursuing it; 
 while the Albemarle and Richmond families were dismayed at 
 
 68 
 
806 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 the prospect of such a terrible mesalliance. Every means 
 were tried to induce the young lady to alter her mind, but 
 without effect. Adair's biographer tells us that "amusements, 
 a long journey, an advantageous offer, and other common modes 
 of shaking off what was considered by the family as an im- 
 proper match, were already tried, but in vain; the health of 
 Lady Caroline was evidently impaired, and the family at last 
 confessed, with a good sense that reflects honor on their under- 
 standings as well as their hearts, that it was possible to prevent, 
 but never to dissolve an attachment; and that marriage was 
 the honorable, and indeed the only alternative that could secure 
 her happiness and life." 
 
 When Lady Caroline was taken by her friends from Lon- 
 don to Bath, that she might be separated from her lover, she 
 wrote, it is said, the song of " Robin Adair," and set it to a 
 plaintive Irish tune that she had heard him sing. Whether writ- 
 ten by Lady Caroline or not, the song is simply expressive of her 
 feelings at the time, and as it completely corroborates the cir- 
 cumstances just related, which were the town-talk of the period, 
 though now little more than family tradition, there can be no 
 doubt that they were the origin of the song, the words of 
 which, as originally written, are the following: — 
 
 "What's this dull town to me? 
 
 Robin's not near; 
 He whom I wish to see, 
 
 Wish for to hear. 
 Where's all the joy and mirth, 
 Made life a heaven on earth? 
 Oh ! they're all fled with thee, 
 
 Robin Adair! 
 What made the assembly shine ? 
 
 Robin Adair! 
 What made the ball so fine ? 
 
 Robin was there ! 
 What, when the play was o'er, 
 What made my heart so sore ? 
 Oh ! it was parting with 
 
 Robin Adair! • 
 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 807 
 
 But now thou art far from me, 
 
 Robin Adair ! 
 But now I never see 
 
 Robin Adair ! 
 Yet he I love so well 
 Still in my heart shall dwell, 
 Oh ! can I ne'er forget 
 
 Robin Adair! 
 
 Immediately after his marriage with Lady Caroline, Adair 
 was appointed Inspector General of Military Hospitals, and sub- 
 sequently, becoming a favorite of George III., he was made Sur- 
 geon-General, King's Sergeant Surgeon, and Surgeon of Chelsea 
 Hospital. Yery fortunate men have seldom many friends, but 
 Adair, by declining a baronetcy that was offered to him by the 
 king, for surgical attendance on the Duke of Gloucester, actu- 
 ally aquired considerable popularity before his death, which 
 took place when he was nearly four-score years of age, in 1790. 
 In the " Gentleman's Magazine" of that year there are verses 
 "On the Death of Robert Adair, Esq., late Surgeon-General, by 
 J. Crane, M. D.," who, it is to be hoped, was a much better 
 physician than a poet. 
 
 Lady Caroline Adair's married life was short but happy. 
 She died of consumption, after giving birth to three children, 
 one of them a son. On her death-bed she requested Adair 
 to wear mourning for her as long as he lived j which he scrupu- 
 lously did, save on the king's and queen's birthdays, when his 
 duty to his sovereign required him to appear at Court in full 
 dress. If this injunction respecting mourning were to prevent 
 Adair marrying again, it had the desired effect; he did not mar- 
 ry a second time, though he had many offers. 
 
 JOAN OP ARC. 
 
 The legend respecting the substitution of another person at the 
 stake, and the subsequent marriage of the Maid to Robert des 
 Hermoises, has been treated by no less an iconoclast than M. 
 Octave Delepierre, the learned Belgian Consul in England, in a 
 
808 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 volume {Doute Historique) , privately printed. In the Athe- 
 naeum for September 15, 1855, there is a complete analysis of 
 the story, from which it appears that more than two centuries 
 after the alleged execution of Joan, namely in 1645, Father 
 Vignier found documents among the archives at Metz, which 
 spoke of the presence and recognition of Joan in that city, five 
 years after her alleged execution. The Father was then a 
 guest of a descendant of Robert des Hermoises, in whose muni- 
 ment chest he discovered the marriage contract of Robert and 
 Joan. The matter was forgotten, when in 1740, documents 
 were found at Orleans which recorded, among other things, a 
 gratuity made to Joan in 1439, " for services rendered by her 
 at the siege of the same city, 210 livres." The tradition has 
 many singular points, and is full of delightful uncertainty. 
 
 AMY ROBSART. 
 
 Another time-honored illusion is gone, and Amy Robsart 
 descends into the grave like a respectable lady, instead of dis- 
 appearing through a trap-door into a vault beneath and break- 
 ing her neck. So one by one the pleasant fictions over which 
 in youth we lingered with such keen enjoyment, are stripped 
 of their reality > and nothing but dull prose is left in their 
 place. The pretty legend of Pocahontas, the venerable and 
 patriotic one of William Tell, the ingenious mystification 
 between the island of Juan Fernandez, Alexander Selkirk, 
 and Robinson Crusoe, all have been cast down from their 
 shrines. Nay, attempts have been made to remove Shaks- 
 peare himself into the region of myth, by representing that 
 Lord Bacon was the veritable author of the plays and poems 
 supposed to have been written by the great bard of Avon. 
 No one need now despair of the disappearance of any time- 
 honored personage or romance. 
 
 The name of Amy Robsart has always possessed a peculiar 
 interest, not merely on account of the historical associations 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 809 
 
 connected with her, but for the halo with which romance and 
 poetry have invested her ; and not the least strange feature of 
 the case is the fact that historians should have so generally ig- 
 nored the falsity of the legend. It had lain wrapped in its 
 venerable mantle for more than three hundred years, until very 
 recently, when public attention was forcibly called to the sub- 
 ject by an article published in the Oxford Undergraduates' 
 Journal, England. In a communication in that periodical, 
 from the Secretary to the Oxford Architectural and Historical 
 Society, there is a statement to the following effect: "The Rev. 
 J. Burgon, the Vicar of St. Mary's (Oxford), has caused an 
 inscription to be cut on the top step of the three steps leading 
 to the chancel of St. Mary's Church, commemorating the site 
 of the interment of the ill-fated Amy Robsart. The inscrip- 
 tion is as follows: 'In a vault of brick, at the upper end of 
 this quire, was buried Amy Robsart, wife of Lord Robert 
 Dudley, K. G., Sunday, 22d September, A. D. 1560.'" His- 
 tory tells us that the funeral was celebrated with great pomp : 
 but previously to the ceremony, a coroner's inquest was held on 
 the body, and after a long and minute investigation of the cir- 
 cumstances, a verdict of "accidental death," was returned. 
 The character of the Earl of Leicester, (Lord Robert Dudley) 
 her husband, was such as to raise grave doubts as to the mode 
 by which she came by her death, and the popular belief that 
 Queen Elizabeth was in love with him, and was willing to 
 marry him, gave great countenance to the prevailing suspicion 
 that he had kept his marriage a secret, and got rid of his wife 
 to enable him to carry out his ambitious schemes. The histo- 
 rian, Hume, alludes to these reports, which, however, he de- 
 rived from Camden, the antiquary, and which very probably 
 originated in the political hostility and personal hatred of Ce- 
 cil, Walsingham, and others of Leicester's mortal enemies. 
 Ashmole, in his work, The Antiquities of Berkshire gives 
 the popular legend from which Sir Walter Scott derived many 
 of the materials for his beautiful romance of Kenilworth. 
 
 68* 
 
810 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 Ashmole wrote his book about the middle of the seventeenth 
 century, a hundred years after the fatal event at Cumnor Hall ; 
 he is, therefore, no authority on the subject; but William 
 Julius Mickle, the poet, took him for one a century later, and 
 turned the story into verse. And thus, between political hos- 
 tility, personal dislike, the non-authenticated statements of 
 historians, antiquaries, poets and novelists, it has long been 
 accepted as an undoubted fact that Robert Dudley, Earl of 
 Leicester, murdered his wife, or was accessory to her murder, 
 at Cumnor Hall. But it has been very generally overlooked 
 that his alleged main motive for the supposed murder could 
 have had no existence. There is no doubt the Queen knew he 
 was married, but she continued to disgrace herself by open 
 professions of attachment to him notwithstanding; and after 
 Amy's sudden death, the inquest on her body, and her public 
 funeral, "Good Queen Bess" was just as fond of him as ever, 
 and showered such favors upon him as could have left him but 
 little to wish for. He knew perfectly well that a marriage 
 between himself and Elizabeth would have convulsed the 
 kingdom, and probably cost him his life. He also knew that 
 she had no real intention of parting with one iota of the royal 
 power or prerogative, even to him, and hence the motive for 
 the so-called murder falls to the ground, and with it the pa- 
 thetic romance built upon it. 
 
 WILLIAM TELL. 
 
 William Tell is very hard to kill. German writers in the last 
 century demolish him, over and over again, but to little pur- 
 pose. He remained the Swiss hero, and what is far worse, those 
 hideous statues at Altorf continue to assert their undying ugli- 
 ness, and pretend to prove, by their presence there, the truth 
 of the story. The giant has been recently slain once more as 
 an impostor. Once more ? Half a dozen times ; and each slayer 
 takes himself for the sole and original champion. Swiss 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 811 
 
 professors even have been at the work of demolition. Three or 
 four years ago Mr. Baring-Gould, in his " Curious Myths of the 
 Middle Ages," set up a dozen of those myths, and bowled them 
 all down at one bowl : he proved, as others had done, that the 
 legend of William Tell was "as fabulous as any other historical 
 event." Mr. Baring-Gould, however, does more than some 
 others have done. He traces the story as far back as it can be 
 traced. This is the order of the tradition: — 
 
 1. In the tenth century a tippling, boasting Danish soldier, 
 named Toki, swore he could drive an arrow through an apple, 
 placed on the point of a stick, at a great distance. King Harald 
 Bluetooth told the boaster that the apple should be placed on his 
 son's head, and if Toki did not send an arrow through it at the 
 first attempt, his own head should pay the penalty. Toki per- 
 formed the feat with perfect success; but Harald perceiving 
 he had brought other arrows, demanded the reason thereof, and 
 Toki replied that if he had injured his son he would have driven 
 those other arrows into the King's body. The story was first 
 related by Saxo Grammaticus, in the twelfth century. 
 
 2. But in the eleventh century the above prototype of Tell 
 had successors or imitators. King Olaf, the Saint of Norway, 
 challenged Eindridi, among other things, to shoot with an arrow 
 at a writing tablet on the head of Eindridi's son. Each was to 
 have one shot. Olaf grazed the boy's head, whereupon the boy's 
 mother interfered, and Eindridi was withdrawn from the contest. 
 Olaf remarked that his competitor had a second arrow, which 
 Eindridi confessed that he intended for his Majesty if anything 
 very unpleasant had happened to the boy. 
 
 3. A year or two later in this eleventh century, another 
 Norse archer, Hemingr, had a match with King Harold. Harold 
 set a spear-shaft for a mark in the ground. He then fired in 
 the air; the arrow turned in its descent and pierced the spear- 
 shaft. Hemingr followed suit, and split the King's arrow, 
 which was perpendicularly fixed in the spear-shaft. Then the 
 King stuck a knife in an oak. His arrow went into the haft. 
 
812 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 Heniingr shot, and his arrow cleft the haft and went into the 
 socket of the blade. The enraged King next fired at a tender 
 twig, which his arrow pierced, but Hemingr's split a hazel-nut 
 growing upon it. "You shall put the nut on your brother 
 Bjorn's head," said Harold, "and if you do not pierce it with 
 your spear at the first attempt, your life shall be forfeited." Of 
 course the thing was done. Hemingr is supposed to have had 
 his revenge by sending an arrow through Harold's trachea at 
 the battle of Stamford Bridge, where he fought on the English 
 side. 
 
 4. In the Faroe Isles, the above Harold is said to have had 
 a swimming-match with a certain Geyti, who not only beat him, 
 but gave him a ducking. Harold condemned him to shoot a 
 hazel-nut off his brother's head, under the usual penalty, and 
 with the usual result. 
 
 5. The same story is told of one Puncher, (suggestive name,) 
 with this difference, that the object aimed at was a coin. 
 
 6. In Finland, it is a son who shoots an apple off his father's 
 head ; for which feat some robbers, who had captured his sire, 
 gave him up to the son. 
 
 7. In a Persian poem of the twelfth century, a King, in 
 sport, shoots an arrow at an apple on the head of his favorite 
 page, who, though not hurt, died of the fright. 
 
 8. The story, with a difference, is told of Egil, in the Saga of 
 Thidrik, of no particular date. 
 
 9. It is familiar to us, in the English ballad of William of 
 Cloudesley, chronological date of event uncertain. 
 
 10. Enter William Tell, in the first decade of the fourteenth 
 century. We need not tell his well-known tale again. It is only 
 necessary to remark, by way of comment, that the Tell and 
 Gesler legend was not set up till many years afterwards, and that 
 in no contemporary record is any mention made of either Tell, 
 Gesler, or the apple incident. No Vogt named Gesler ever ex- 
 ercised authority for the Emperor in Switzerland ; no family 
 bearing the name of Tell can be traced in any part of that country. 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 813 
 
 11, and lastly. The hero's name was not Tell at all, but 
 M'Leod, and he came from Braemar. Mr. Baring-Gould has 
 quite overlooked him. Therefore is the new claimant's story 
 here subjoined in order to make the roll of legends complete. 
 It is taken from The Braemar Highlands ; their Tales, Tradi- 
 tions and History, by Elizabeth Taylor. The King referred to 
 is Malcolm Canmore. 
 
 "A young man named M'Leod had been hunting one day in 
 the royal forest. A favorite hound of the King's having attacked 
 M'Leod, was killed by him. The King soon heard of the slaugh- 
 ter of his favorite, and was exceedingly angry — so much so that 
 M'Leod was condemned to death. The gibbet was erected on 
 Craig Choinnich, i. e., Kennoth's Craig. As there was less of 
 justice than revenge in the sentence, little time was permitted 
 ere it was carried into execution. The prisoner was led out by 
 the north gate of the castle. The King, in great state, surround- 
 ed by a crowd of his nobles, followed in procession. Sorrowing 
 crowds of the people came after, in wondering amazement. As 
 they moved slowly on, an incident occurred which arrested 
 universal attention. A woman with a child in her arms came 
 rushing through the crowd, and throwing herself before the 
 King, pleaded with him to spare her husband's life, though it 
 should be at the expense of all they possessed. Her impassion- 
 ed entreaties were met with silence. Malcolm was not to be 
 moved from his purpose of death. Seeing that her efforts to 
 move the King were useless, she made her way to her husband, 
 and throwing her arms around him declared that she would not 
 leave him — she would go and die with him. Malcolm was some- 
 what moved by the touching scene. Allen Durward, noticing the 
 favorable moment, ventured to put in the suggestion that it was a 
 pity to hang such a splendid archer. 'A splendid archer, is he ? ' 
 replied the King; 'then he shall have his skill tried/ So he 
 ordered that M'Leod's wife and child should be placed on the 
 opposite side of the river ; something to serve as a mark was to 
 be placed on the child's head. If M'Leod succeeded in hitting 
 
814 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 the mark without injuring his wife or child his life would be 
 spared, otherwise the sentence was to be carried into execution. 
 Accordingly (so the legend" goes) the young wife and child were 
 put across the river, and placed on Tomghainmheine ; according 
 to some, a little farther down the river, near where a boat-house 
 once stood. The width of the Dee was to be the distance separa- 
 ting M'Leod from his mark. He asked for a bow and two ar- 
 rows, and having examined each with the greatest care, he took 
 his position. The eventful moment came, the people gathered 
 round him, and stood in profound silence. On the opposite 
 side of the river his wife stood, the central figure of a crowd 
 of eager bystanders, tears glistening on her cheeks as she gazed 
 alternately at her husband and child in dumb emotion. M'Leod 
 took aim ; but his body shook like an aspen-leaf in the evening 
 breeze. This was a trial for him far harder than death. Again 
 he placed himself in position; but he trembled to such a degree 
 that he could not shoot, and turning to the King, who stood 
 near, he said in a voice scarcely articulate in its suppressed agony, 
 'This is hard!' But the King relented not; so the third time 
 he fell into the attitude, and as he did so, almost roared, ' This 
 is hard V Then as if all his nervousness had escaped through the 
 cry, he let the arrow fly — it struck the mark ! The mother seized 
 her child, and in a transport of joy seemed to devour it with 
 kisses; while the pent-up emotion of the crowd found vent 
 through a loud cry of wonder and triumph, which repeated itself 
 again and again as the echoes rolled slowly away among the 
 neighboring hills. The King now approached M'Leod, and 
 after confirming his pardon, inquired why he, so sure of hand 
 and keen of sight, had asked two arrows? 'Because/ replied 
 M'Leod, ' had I missed the mark, or hurt my wife and child, I was 
 determined not to miss you/ The king grew pale, and turned 
 away as if undecided what to do. His better nature prevailed ; 
 so he again approached M'Leod, and with kindly voice and 
 manner told him that he would receive him into his body-guard, 
 and he would be well provided for. 'Never!' answered the 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 815 
 
 undaunted Celt. 'After the painful proof to which you have 
 just put my heart, I could never love you enough to serve you 
 faithfully. The King in amazement cried out, ' Thou art a 
 Hardy ! and as Hardy thou art, so Hardy thou shalt be.' " From 
 that time M'Leod went under the appellation of Hardy, while 
 his descendants were termed the M' Hardy's — Mac being the 
 Gaelic word for son. The date of the above is the eleventh 
 century, when the legend burst forth in several parts of the 
 world. Here we have it in Scotland. Like many other legends 
 it probably came originally from India. 
 
 THE TIME OF LE GRAND MONARQUE. 
 
 Thackeray draws the following graphic picture of the ex- 
 tremes of society in Europe in the time of Louis XIV. Rare- 
 ly is the contrast between " the boast of heraldry, the pomp of 
 power/' and " the short and simple annals of the poor," de- 
 lineated with such masterly vigor. Referring to the influence 
 of French fashions upon the German courts, he says : — 
 
 It is incalculable how much that royal bigwig cost Germany. 
 Every prince imitated the French king, and had his Versailles, 
 his Wilhelmshohe or Ludwigslust; his court and its splen- 
 dors; his gardens laid out with statues; his fountains, and 
 water-works, and Tritons; his actors, and dancers, and singers, 
 and fiddlers; his harem, with its inhabitants; his diamonds and 
 duchies for these latter ; his enormous festivities, his gaming- 
 tables, tournaments, masquerades, and banquets lasting a week 
 long, for which the people paid with their money, when the 
 poor wretches had it; with their bodies and very blood when 
 they had none; being sold in thousands by their lords and mas- 
 ters, who gaily dealt in soldiers, — staked a regiment upon the 
 red at the gambling table ; swapped a battalion against a dan- 
 cing-girl's diamond necklace, and, as it were, pocketed their 
 people. 
 
 As one views Europe, through contemporary books of travel, 
 in the early part of the last century, the landscape is aw- 
 
816 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 ful— wretched wastes, beggarly and plundered ; half-burned cot- 
 tages and trembling peasants gathering piteous harvests; gangs 
 of such tramping along with bayonets behind them, and cor- 
 porals with canes and cats-of-nine-tails to flog them to barracks. 
 By these passes my lord's gilt carriage, floundering through 
 the ruts, as he swears at the postillions, and toils on to the 
 Eesidenz. Hard by, but away from the noise and brawling of 
 the citizens and buyers, is Wilhelmslust or Ludwigsruhe, or Mon- 
 bijou, or Versailles — it scarcely matters which — near to the 
 city, shut out by woods from the beggared country, the enor- 
 mous, hideous, gilded, monstrous marble palace, where the 
 prince is, and the Court, and the trim gardens, and huge foun- 
 tains, and the forest where the ragged peasants are beating the 
 game in (it is death to them to touch *a feather) ; and the jolly 
 hunt sweeps by with its uniform of crimson and gold; and 
 the prince gallops ahead puffing his royal horn; and his lords 
 and mistresses ride after him ; and the stag is pulled down ; and 
 the grand huntsman gives the knife in the midst of a chorus 
 of bugles; and 'tis time the court go home to dinner; and our 
 noble traveller, it may be the Baron of Pbllnitz, or the Count 
 de K'dnigsmarck, or the excellent Chevalier de Seingalt, sees 
 the procession gleaming through the trim avenues of the wood, 
 and hastens to the inn, and sends his noble name to the mar- 
 shal of the court. Then our nobleman arrays himself in green 
 and gold, or pink and silver, in the richest Paris mode, and is 
 introduced by the chamberlain, and makes his bow to the jolly 
 prince, and the gracious princess; and is presented to the chief 
 lords and ladies, and then comes supper and a bank at Faro, 
 where he loses or wins a thousand pieces by daylight. If it 
 is a German court, you may add not a little drunkenness to 
 this picture of high life; but German, or French, or Spanish, 
 if you can see out of your palace-windows beyond the trim-cut 
 forest vistas, misery is lying outside ; hunger is stalking about 
 the bare villages, listlessly following precarious husbandry; 
 ploughing stony fields with starved cattle ; or fearfully taking 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 817 
 
 in scanty harvests. Augustus is fat and jolly on his throne ; 
 he can knock down an ox, and eat one almost ; his mistress, 
 Aurora von Kbnigsmarck, is the loveliest, the wittiest creature ; 
 his diamonds are the biggest and most brilliant in the world, 
 and his feasts as splendid as those of Versailles. As for Louis 
 the Great, he is more than mortal. Lift up your glances re- 
 spectfully, and mark him eyeing Madame de Fontanges or 
 Madame de Montespan from under his sublime periwig, as he 
 passes through the great gallery where Villars and Vendome, 
 and Berwick, and Bossuet, and Massillon are waiting. Can 
 Court be more splendid ; nobles and knights more gallant and 
 superb; ladies more lovely? A grander monarch, or a more 
 miserable starved wretch than the peasant his subject, you can- 
 not look on. Let us bear both these types in mind, if we wish 
 to estimate the old society properly. Bemember the glory and 
 the chivalry? Yes! Bemember the grace and beauty, the 
 splendor and lofty politeness; the gallant courtesy of Fonte- 
 noy where the French line bids the gentlemen of the English 
 guard to fire first; the noble constancy of the old king and Vil- 
 lars his general, who fits out the last army with the last crown- 
 piece from the treasury, and goes to meet the enemy and die 
 or conquer for France at Denain. But round all that royal 
 splendor lies a nation enslaved and ruined; there are people 
 robbed of their rights — communities laid waste — faith, justice, 
 commerce trampled upon, and well-nigh destroyed — nay, in 
 the very centre of royalty itself, what horrible stains and 
 meanness, crime and shame ! It is but to a silly harlot that 
 some of the noblest gentlemen, and some of the proudest wo- 
 men in the world are bowing down ; it is the price of a misera- 
 ble province that the king ties in diamonds round his mis- 
 tress's white neck. In the first half of the last century this 
 is going on all Europe over. Saxony is a waste as well as Pi- 
 cardy or Artois ; and Versailles is only larger and not worse 
 than Herrenhausen. 
 
 3B 69 
 
818 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 THE BITER BIT. 
 
 Jerry White, the Chaplain to Cromwell, carried his ambition 
 so far as to think of becoming son-in-law to his Highness, 
 by marrying his daughter, the lady Frances ; and as Jerry had 
 those requisites that generally please the fair sex, he won the 
 affections of the young lady : but as nothing of this sort could 
 happen without the knowledge of the watchful father, who had 
 his spies in every place, and about every person, it soon reached 
 his ears. There were as weighty reasons for rejecting Jerry as 
 there had been for dismissing His Majesty Charles II., who had 
 been proposed by the Earl of Orrery as a husband. Oliver 
 therefore, ordered the informer to observe and watch them nar- 
 rowly ; and promised that upon substantial proof of the truth of 
 what he had declared, he should be as amply rewarded as Jerry 
 severely punished. It was not long before the informer ac- 
 quainted his Highness that the Chaplain was then with the lady ; 
 and upon hastening to his daughter's apartment, he discovered 
 the unfortunate Jerry upon his knees, kissing her Ladyship's 
 hand : seeing which, he nastily exclaimed, " What is the mean- 
 ing of this posture before my daughter Frances V[ The Chap- 
 lain, with great presence of mind, replied, " May it please your 
 Highness, I have a long time courted that young gentlewoman 
 there, my lady's woman, and cannot prevail : I was therefore 
 humbly praying her Ladyship to intercede for me." Oliver, 
 turning to the waiting-woman, said : — " What is the meaning of 
 this ? He is my friend, and I expect you should treat him as 
 such:" who, desiring nothing more, replied, with a low courtesy, 
 " If Mr. White intends me that honor, I shall not oppose 
 him." Upon which Oliver said, "We'll call Goodwin: this 
 business shall be done presently, before I go out of the room." 
 Jerry could not retreat. Groodwin came, and they were in- 
 stantly married, — the bride, at the same time, receiving £ 500 
 from the Protector. 
 
 Mr. Jerry White lived with this wife (not of his choice) more 
 than fifty years. Oldmixon says he knew both him and 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 819 
 
 Mrs. White, and heard the story told when they were present; 
 at which time Mrs. White acknowledged "there was something 
 in it." 
 
 THE LAST NIGHT OF THE GIRONDISTS. 
 
 i Of all the prisons of Paris, the Conciergerie is the most inter- 
 esting, from its antiquity, associations, and mixed style of archi- 
 tecture, — uniting as it were the horrors of the dungeons of the 
 Middle Ages with the more humane system of confinement of 
 the present century. It exhibits in its mongrel outline the pro- 
 gressive ameliorations of humanity toward criminals and offen- 
 ders, — forming a connecting link between feudal barbarity and 
 modern civilization. Situated in the heart of old Paris, upon 
 the lie de la Cite, separated from the Seine by the Quai de 
 l'Horologe, it is one of a cluster of edifices pregnant with sou- 
 venirs of tragedy and romance. These buildings are the Sainte 
 Chapelle, the Prefecture de Police, and the Palais de Justice, 
 formerly the residence of the French monarchs. The Concier- 
 gerie, which derives its name from concierge, or keeper, was 
 anciently the prison of the palace. It is now chiefly used as 
 a place of detention for persons during their trial. Recent altera- 
 tions have greatly diminished the gloomy and forbidding effect 
 of its exterior ; but sufficient of its old character remains to per- 
 petuate the associations connected with its former uses, and to 
 preserve for it its interest as a relic of feudalism The names 
 of the two turrets flanking the gateway, Tour de C6sar, and 
 Tour Boubec, smack of antiquity. Compared with Caesar, how- 
 ever, its age is quite juvenile, being less than nine hundred years. 
 The oldest legible entry in the archives of the Conciergerie 
 is that of the regicide Ravaillac, who was incarcerated May 16, 
 1610. Among the memorable names on its register are those of 
 Damiens, who attempted the life of Louis XV.; Eleonore 
 Graligai, the confidante of Marie de Medicis ; La Voisine, the 
 famous female poisoner, who succeeded Madame de Brinvilliers ; 
 Cartouche the noted robber, and high above them all in point 
 
820 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 of tragic interest, the innocent and unfortunate queen, Marie 
 Antoinette. 
 
 The records of this prison furnish extraordinary illustrations 
 of stoicism in the midst of civil calamity, and its walls bear wit- 
 ness to almost inconceivable indifference to the mastery of vio- 
 lence. We know that there is no social upheaval to which human 
 nature, with its versatility of powers for good or evil, may not * 
 become accustomed, and if the condition be inevitable, even 
 become reconciled. But the conduct of the prisoners of the Con- 
 ciergerie, in many instances, tinged as it was with mingled sub- 
 limity and folly, surpasses comprehension. During the Reign of 
 Terror they were almost daily decimated by the guillotine; yet 
 their constant amusement was to play at charades and the — guil- 
 lotine. Both sexes and all ranks assembled in one of the halls. 
 They formed a revolutionary tribunal — choosing accusers and 
 judges, and parodizing the gestures and voice of Fouquier Tin- 
 ville and his coadjutors. Defenders were named ; the accused 
 were taken at hazard. The sentence of death followed close on the 
 heels of the accusation. They simulated the toilet of the con- 
 demned, preparing the neck for the knife by feigning to cut the 
 hair and collar. The sentenced were attached to a chair reversed 
 to represent the guillotine. The knife was of wood, and as it 
 fell, the individual, male or female, thus sporting with their ap- 
 proaching fate, tumbled down as if actually struck by the iron 
 blade. Often while engaged in this play, they were interrupted 
 by the terrible voice of the public crier, calling over the " names 
 of the brigands who to-day have gained the lottery of the holy 
 guillotine." 
 
 But among the curious souvenirs of this celebrated jail, the 
 most memorable is that of the last night of the Girondists, that 
 unique festivity which was certainly the grandest triumph of phi- 
 losophy in the annals of human events. Those fierce, theoretical 
 deputies, who had so recently sent to the scaffold the King and 
 Queen of France, were now in turn on their way thither. 
 Christianity teaches men to live in peaceful humility, and to die 
 
HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 821 
 
 with hopeful resignation. The last hour of a true believer is 
 calmly joyous. Here was an opportunity for infidelity to assert 
 its superiority in death, as it had claimed for itself the greatest 
 good in life. Let us be just to even these deluded men. They 
 had played a terrible role in the history of their country, and 
 they resigned themselves to die with the same intrepidity with 
 which they had staked their existence upon the success of their 
 policy. They made it a death fete, each smiling as he awaited 
 the dread message, and devoting his latest moments to those 
 displays of intellectual rivalry which had so long united them 
 in life. Mainvielle, Ducos, Gensonne, and Boyer Fonfrede 
 abandoned themselves to gayety, wit and revelry, repeating their 
 own verses with friendly rivalry, and stimulating their compa- 
 nions to every species of infidel folly. Viger sang amorous songs ; 
 Duprat related a tale ; Gensonne* repeated the Marseillaise ; 
 while Vergniaud alternately electrified them with his eloquence, 
 or discoursed philosophically of their past history, and the un- 
 known future upon which they were about to enter. The dis- 
 cussion on poetry, literature, and general topics, was animated 
 and brilliant; on God, religion, the immortality of the soul, 
 grave, eloquent, calm and poetic. The walls of the prison echoed 
 to a late hour in the morning to their patriotic cries, and were 
 witnesses to their fraternal embraces. The corpse of Valaze, the 
 only one of their number who by a voluntary death eluded the 
 scaffold, remained with them. 
 
 The whole scene was certainly the wildest and most dramatic 
 ever born-of courage and reason. Yet throughout their enthusi- 
 asm there appears a chill of uncertainty, and an intellectual cold- 
 ness that appals the conscience. We feel that for the Girond- 
 ists it was a consistent sacrifice to their theories and their lives ; 
 but for a Christian and patriot, a sad and unedifying spectacle. 
 
 While history cannot refute the tribute of admiration to high 
 qualities, even when misdirected, it is equally bound to record 
 the errors and repeat the warnings of those who claim a place 
 in its pages. The lives of the Girondists, as well as their deaths', 
 
 69* 
 
822 HISTORICAL MEMORANDA. 
 
 formed a confused drama of lofty aspirations, generous sentiments 
 and noble sacrifices, mingled with error, passion and folly. 
 Their character presents all the cold brilliancy of fire-works, 
 which excite our admiration only to be chilled with disappoint- 
 ment at their speedy eclipse. Their death-scene was emphatically 
 a spectacle. It exhibited neither the simple grandeur of the 
 death of Socrates, nor the calm and trustful spirit that charac- 
 terized the dying moments of Washington ; the one yielding up 
 his spirit as a heathen philosopher ; the other dying as a Chris- 
 tain statesman. 
 
 QUEEN ELIZABETH AND THE RING. 
 
 Concerning the love-token which Queen Elizabeth gave to 
 Essex, with an intimation that if he" forfeited her favor, its return 
 would secure her forgiveness, Miss Strickland quotes the testi- 
 mony of Lady Spelman, who says that when Essex lay under 
 sentence of death, he determined to try the virtue of the ring, 
 by sending it to the queen, and claiming the benefit of her 
 promise ; but knowing he was surrounded by the creatures of 
 those who where bent on taking his life, he was fearful of 
 trusting it to any of his attendants. At length, looking out of 
 his window, he saw early one morning a boy whose countenance 
 pleased him, and him he induced by a bribe to carry the ring, 
 which he threw down to him from above, to the Lady Scrope, 
 his cousin, who had taken so friendly interest in his fate. The 
 boy, by mistake, carried it to the Countess of Nottingham, the 
 cruel sister of the fair and gentle Scrope, and, as both these 
 ladies were of the royal bedchamber, the mistake might easily 
 occur. The countess carried the ring to her husband the Lord 
 Admiral, who was the deadly foe of Essex, and told him the 
 message, but he bade her suppress both. The queen, unconscious 
 of the accident, waited in the painful suspense of an angry lover 
 for the expected token to arrive ; but not receiving h>, she con- 
 cluded he was too proud to make this last appeal to her tender- 
 ness, and, after having once revoked the warrant, she ordered 
 the execution to proceed. 
 
MULTUM IN PARVO. 823 
 
 Jfiluitum in $arbo. 
 
 Prior, says Leigh Hunt, wrote one truly loving verse, if no 
 other. It is in his Solomon. The monarch is speaking of a 
 female slave, who had a real affection for him — 
 
 And when I called another, Abra came. 
 
 Coleridge says that Noah's Ark affords a fine image of the 
 world at large, as containing a very few men, and a great num- 
 ber of beasts. 
 
 The boxes which govern the world are the cartridge-box, 
 the ballot-box, the jury-box, and the band-box. 
 
 There are certain things upon which even a wise man must be 
 content to be ignorant. " I cannot fiddle," said Themistocles, 
 "but I can take a city/' 
 
 Sir Thomas Overbury said of a man who boasted of his an- 
 cestry, that he was like a potato — the best thing belonging 
 to him was under the ground. 
 
 "Gro and see Carlini" (the famous Neapolitan comedian), said 
 a physician to a patient, who came to consult him upon habitual 
 depression of spirits. " I am Carlini," said the man. 
 
 Tne words Abstemiously and Facetiously contain all the 
 vowels in consecutive order. 
 
 When Mr. Pitt's enemies objected to George III. that he was 
 too young, his Majesty answered: "That is an objection the 
 force of which will be weakened every day he lives." 
 
 Prayer moves the hand 
 That moves the universe. 
 
824 MULTUM IN PARVO. 
 
 The clock that stands still, points right twice in the four-and- 
 twenty hours ; while others may keep going continually, and be 
 continually going wrong. 
 
 The Mexicans say to their new-born offspring, "Child, thou 
 art come into the world to suffer. Endure, and hold thy peace." 
 
 Balzac makes mention of a man who never uttered his own 
 name without taking off his hat, as a mark of reverence for the 
 exalted appellation. 
 
 Gibbon says : As long as mankind shall continue to bestow 
 more liberal applause on their destroyers than on their benefactors 
 the thirst of military glory will ever be the vice of the most 
 exalted characters. 
 
 In the works of Prof. Thomas Cooper it is said, — Mankind 
 pay best, 1. Those who destroy them, heroes and warriors. 
 
 2. Those who cheat them, statesmen, priests and quacks. 
 
 3. Those who amuse them, as singers, actors, dancers and novel 
 writers. But least of all, those who speak the truth, and 
 instruct them. 
 
 Wax-lights, though we are accustomed to overlook the fact, 
 and rank them with ordinary commonplaces, are true fairy 
 tapers, — a white metamorphosis from the flowers, crowned 
 with the most intangible of all visible mysteries — fire. 
 
 An illustration of false emphasis is supplied by the verse, 
 (I. Kings^xiii. 27,) "And he spoke to his sons, saying, Saddle 
 me the ass. And they saddled him" 
 
 Shakspeare, in the compass of a line, has described a thorough- 
 ly charming girl : — 
 
 Pretty, and witty; wild, and yet, too, gentle. 
 
MULTUM IN PARVO. 825 
 
 The foundation of domestic happiness is confidence in the 
 virtue of woman ; the foundation of political happiness is re- 
 liance on the integrity of man ; the foundation of all real happi- 
 ness, temporal and spiritual, present and eternal, is faith in the 
 mercy of Grod through Jesus Christ, and Him crucified. 
 
 Buckingham's Epitaph on Thomas Lord Fairfax :- 
 He might have been a King, 
 
 But that he understood 
 
 How much it is a meaner thing 
 
 To be unjustly great, than honorably good. 
 
 A favorite exclamation of the Parisian mob, who must always 
 have a "vive" something or other, became during the Revolu- 
 tion, "vive la mort!" 
 
 Alphonso, King of Aragon, in his judgment of human 
 life, declared that there were only four things in this world 
 worth living for : " Old wine to drink, old wood to burn, old 
 books to read, and old friends to converse with." 
 
 David refers to a good old form of salutation and valediction 
 in Psalm cxxix. 8 : — 
 
 " The blessing of the Lord be upon you ; we bless you in the 
 name of the Lord." 
 
 An eastern sage being desired to inscribe on the ring of his 
 Sultan a motto, equally applicable to prosperity or adversity, 
 returned it with these words engraved upon the surface : " And 
 this, too, shall pass away." 
 
 Oliver Cromwell's grace before dinner : — 
 Some have meat, but cannot eat, 
 And some can eat, but have not meat, 
 And so — the Lord be praised. 
 
826 LIFE AND DEATH. 
 
 &tfe anlr JBtatiy 
 
 All death in nature is birth, and in death appears visibly the advancement 
 of life. There is no killing principle in nature, for nature throughout is life : 
 it is not death that kills, but the higher life, which, concealed behind the 
 other, begins to develop itself. Death and birth are but the struggle of life 
 with itself to attain a higher form. — Fichte. 
 
 I came in the morning, — it was spring, 
 
 And I smiled ; 
 I walked out at noon, — it was summer, 
 
 And I was glad ; 
 I sat me down at even, — it was autumn, 
 
 And I was sad ; 
 I laid me down at night, — it was winter, 
 
 And I slept. 
 
 BEAUTIFUL ILLUSTRATIONS OF LIFE. 
 
 What a fine passage is that of Bishop Heber, which is said 
 to have suggested to Cole his justly-famed series of paintings, 
 entitled The Voyage of Life! 
 
 Life bears us on like the stream of a mighty river. Our 
 boat at first glides swiftly down the narrow channel, through 
 the playful murmurings of the little brook and the windings 
 of its grassy borders : the trees shed their blossoms over our 
 young heads, and the flowers on the brink seem to offer them- 
 selves to our young hands; we rejoice in hope, and grasp 
 eagerly at the beauties around us ; but the stream hurries us 
 on, and still our hands are empty. 
 
 Our course in youth and manhood is along a wider and 
 deeper flood, and amid objects more striking and magnificent. 
 We are animated by the moving picture of enjoyment and indus- 
 try that is passing before us; we are excited by some short-lived 
 success, or depressed and rendered miserable by some short- 
 lived disappointment. But our energy and dependence are 
 alike in vain. The stream bears us on, and our joys and griefs 
 are left behind us : we may be shipwrecked, but we cannot 
 
LIFE AND DEATH. 827 
 
 anchor ; our voyage may be hastened, but cannot be delayed ; 
 whether rough or smooth, the river hastens toward its home ) 
 the roaring of the waves is beneath our keel, the land lessens 
 from our eyes, the floods are lifted up around us, and we take 
 our last leave of earth and its inhabitants, and of our future 
 voyage there is no witness save the Infinite and the Eternal ! 
 
 THE ROUND OF LIFE. 
 
 From the Aphorisms of Dr. Home, Bishop of Norwich : — 
 
 Some are serving, — some commanding; 
 Some are sitting, — some are standing; 
 Some rejoicing, — some are grieving ; 
 Some entreating, — some relieving ; 
 Some are weeping, — some are laughing ; 
 Some are thirsting, — some are quaffing ; 
 , Some accepting, — some refusing ; 
 Some are thrifty, — some abusing ; 
 Some compelling, — some persuading; 
 Some are nattering, — some degrading j 
 Some are patient, — some are fuming ; 
 Some are modest, — some presuming ; 
 Some are leasing, — some are farming ; 
 Some are helping, — some are harming j 
 Some are running, — some are riding ; 
 Some departing, — some abiding; 
 Some are sending, — some are bringing : 
 Some are crying, — some are singing ; 
 Some are hearing, — some are preaching; 
 Some are learning, — some are teaching ; 
 Some disdaining, — some affecting; 
 Some assiduous, — some neglecting ; 
 Some are feasting, — some are fasting ; 
 Some are saving, — some are wasting ; 
 Some are losing, — some are winning ; 
 Some repenting, — some are sinning; 
 Some professing, — some adoring ; 
 Some are silent, — some are roaring; 
 Some are restive, — some are willing; 
 Some preserving, — some are killing ; 
 Some are bounteous, — some are grinding ; 
 Some are seeking, — some are finding ; 
 Some are thieving, — some receiving ; 
 Some are hiding, — some revealing j 
 
828 LIFE AND DEATH. 
 
 Some commending, — some are blaming; 
 Some dismembering, — some new-framing j 
 Some are quiet, — some disputing ; 
 Some confuted and confuting ; 
 Some are marching, — some retiring; 
 Some are resting, — some aspiring ; 
 Some enduring, — some deriding; 
 Some are falling, — some are rising. 
 These are sufficient to recite, 
 Since all men's deeds are infinite ; 
 Some end their parts when some begin ; 
 Some go out, — and some come in. 
 
 . RULES OF LIVING. 
 From Rev. Hugh Peters' Legacy to his Daughter. 
 London, a.d. 1660. 
 Whosoever would live long and blessedly, let him observe 
 these following rules, by which he shall attain to that which 
 he desireth : — 
 
 Let thy 
 Thoughts be divine, awful, godly. 
 Talk — little, honest, true. 
 
 Works — profitable, holy, charitable. 
 Manners — grave, courteous, cheerful. 
 Diet — temperate, convenient, frugal. 
 
 Apparel — sober, neat, comely. 
 Will — confident, obedient, ready. 
 
 Sleep — moderate, quiet, seasonable. 
 
 Prayers — short, devout, often, fervent. 
 Recreation — lawful, brief, seldom. 
 Memory — of death, punishment, glory. 
 
 DR. FRANKLIN'S MORAL CODE. 
 
 The great American philosopher and statesman, Benjamin 
 Franklin, drew up the following list of moral virtues, to which 
 he paid constant and earnest attention, and thereby made him- 
 self a better and happier man : — 
 
 Temperance. — Eat not to fulness ; drink not to elevation. 
 
 Silence. — Speak not but what may benefit others or your- 
 self; avoid trifling conversation. 
 
 Order. — Let all your things have their places ; let each part 
 of your business have its time. 
 
LIFE AND DEATH. 829 
 
 Resolution. — Eesolve to perform what you ought; perform 
 without fail what you resolve. 
 
 Frugality. — Make no expense, but do good to others as 
 yourself; that is, waste nothing. 
 
 Industry. — Lose no time, be always employed in something 
 useful ; but avoid all unnecessary actions. 
 
 Sincerity. — Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and 
 justly; and, if you speak, speak accordingly. 
 
 Justice. — Wrong no one by doing injuries, or omitting the 
 benefits that are your duty. 
 
 Moderation. — Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries. 
 
 Cleanliness. — Suffer no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or 
 habitation. 
 
 Tranquillity. — Be not disturbed about trifles, or at accidents 
 common or unavoidable. 
 
 Humility. — Imitate Jesus Christ. 
 
 EMPLOYMENT OP TIME. 
 
 The celebrated Lord Coke wrote the subjoined couplet, 
 which he religiously observed in the distribution of time : — 
 
 Six hours to sleep, — to law's grave studies six, — 
 Four spent in prayer, — the rest to nature fix. 
 
 But Sir William Jones, a wiser economist of the fleeting 
 hours of life, amended the sentence in the following lines : — 
 Seven hours to law, — to soothing slumber seven, — 
 Ten to the world allot, — and all to heaven. 
 
 LIVING LIFE OVER AGAIN. 
 
 Good Sir Thomas Browne says, Though I think no man can 
 live well once but he that could live twice, yet for my own part 
 I would not live over my hours past, nor begin again the thread 
 of my days ; not upon Cicero's ground, — because I have lived 
 them well, — but for fear I should live them worse. I find my 
 growing judgment daily instruct me how to be better, but my 
 untamed affections and confirmed vitiosity make me daily do 
 worse. I find in my confirmed age the same sins I discovered 
 in my youth ; I committed many then, because I was a child, 
 
 70 
 
830 LIFE AND DEATH. 
 
 and because I commit them still, I am yet an infant. There- 
 fore I perceive a man may be twice a child before the days of 
 dotage, and stand in need of iEson's bath before threescore. 
 
 RHYMING DEFINITIONS. 
 
 Fame. — A meteor dazzling with its distant glare. 
 Wealth. — A source of trouble and consuming care. 
 Pleasure. — A gleam of sunshine, passing soon away. 
 Love. — A morning stream whose memory gilds the day. 
 Faith. — An anchor dropped beyond the vale of death. 
 Hope. — A lone star beaming o'er the barren heath. 
 Charity. — A stream meandering from the fount of love. 
 Bible. — A guide to realms of endless joy above. 
 Religion. — A key which opens wide the gates of Heaven. 
 Death.— A knife by which the ties of earth are riven. 
 Earth.— A desert through which pilgrims wend their way. 
 Grave. — A home of rest when ends life's weary day. 
 Resurrection. — A sudden waking from a quiet dream. 
 Heaven. — A land of joy, of light and love supreme. 
 
 EARTH. 
 
 What is earth, sexton ? — A place to dig graves. 
 What is earth, rich man ? — A place to work slaves. 
 What is earth, greybeard ? — A place to grow old. 
 What is earth, miser? — A place to dig gold. 
 What is earth, school-boy ? — A place for my play. 
 What is earth, maiden ? — A place to be gay. 
 What is earth, seamstress ? — A place where I weep. 
 What is earth, sluggard? — A good place to sleep. 
 What is earth, soldier? — A place for a battle. 
 What is earth, herdsman ? — A place to raise cattle. 
 What is earth, widow? — A place of true sorrow. 
 What is earth, tradesman ? — I'll tell you to-morrow. 
 What is earth, sick man ? — 'Tis nothing to me. 
 What is earth, sailor? — My home is the sea. 
 What is earth, statesman ? — A place to win fame. 
 What is earth, author ? — I'll write there my name. 
 What is earth, monarch ? — For my realm it is given. 
 What is earth, Christian ? — The gateway of heaven ! 
 
 RHYMING CHARTER. 
 
 The following grant of William the Conqu( ror may be found 
 in Stowe's Chronicle and in Blount's Ancient Tenures : — 
 
LIFE AND DEATH. 831 
 
 H0PT0N, IN THE COUNTY OF SALOP. 
 
 To the Heyrs Male of the Hopton, lawfully begotten : 
 From me and from myne, to thee and to thyne, 
 While the water runs, and the sun doth shine, ' 
 For lack of heyrs to the king againe, 
 I, "William, king, the third year of my reign, 
 Give to the Norman hunter, , 
 
 To me that art both line* and deare, 
 The Hop and the Hoptoune, 
 And all the bounds up and downe. 
 Under the earth to hell, 
 Above the earth to heaven, 
 From me and from myne 
 To thee and to thyne ; 
 As good and as faire 
 As ever they myne were. 
 To witness that this is sooth,-\ 
 I bite the wite wax with my tooth, 
 Before Jugg, Marode, and Margery 
 And my third son Henery, 
 For one bow, and one broad arrow, 
 When I come to hunt upon Yarrow. 
 
 NICE QUESTIONS FOR LAWYERS. 
 
 A gentleman, who died in Paris, left a legacy of $6000 to 
 his niece in Dubuque, Iowa, who it appears also died about the 
 same hour of the same day. The question which died first 
 turns upon the relation of solar to true time, and must be de- 
 cided by the difference of longitude. If the niece died at four 
 o'clock a.m., and her uncle at ten o'clock a.m., the instants of 
 their death would have been identical. Assuming that to be 
 the hour of the testator's death, if the niece died at any hour 
 between four and ten, although the legacy would apparently 
 revert to his estate, it would really vest in her and her heirs, 
 since by solar time she would have actually survived her 
 uncle. 
 
 Another case where great importance depended upon the pre- 
 cise time of death was that of the late Earl Fitzhardinge, who 
 died "about midnight," between October 10th and 11th. His 
 
 * Related, or of my lineage. f True. 
 
832 LIFE AND DEATH. 
 
 rents, amounting to £40,000 a year, were payable on Old Lady 
 day and Old Michaelmas-day. The latter fell this year (1857) 
 on Sunday, October 11, and the day began at midnight: so that 
 if he died before twelve, the rents belonged to the parties taking 
 the estate ; but if after, they belonged to and formed part of his 
 personal estate. The difference of one minute might therefore 
 involve the question as to the title of £20,000. 
 
 THE BONE NOT DESCRIBED BY MODERN ANATOMISTS. 
 
 God formed them from the dust, and He once more 
 Will give them strength and beauty as before, 
 Though strewn as widely as the desert air, 
 As winds can waft them, or the waters bear. 
 
 The Emperor Adrian — the skeptic whose epigrammatic ad- 
 dress to his soul in prospect of death, 
 
 Animula, vagula, blandula/* <fec, 
 
 is well known — asked Rabbi Joshua Ben Hananiah, in the 
 course of an interview following the successful siege of Bitter, 
 " How doth a man revive again in the world to come ?" He 
 answered and said, " From Luz, in the back-bone." Saith he 
 to him, " Demonstrate this to me." Then he took Luz, a little 
 bone out of the back-bone, and put it in water, and it was not 
 steeped ; he put it into the fire, and it was not burned ; he 
 brought it to the mill, and that could not grind it; he laid it 
 on the anvil and knocked it with a hammer, but the anvil was 
 cleft, and the hammer broken. 
 
 The name Luz is probably derived from Genesis xlviii. 3, 
 where, however, it refers to a place, not to a bone. The bone 
 alluded to is the sacrum, the terminal wedge of the vertebral 
 column. Butler, in his Hudibras, erroneously traces to the 
 
 * Byron* 8 Translation. 
 Ah ! gentle, fleeting, wavering sprite, 
 Friend and associate of this clay ! 
 
 To what unknown region borne, 
 Wilt thou not wing thy distant flight ? 
 No more with wonted humor gay, 
 
 But pallid, cheerless, and forlorn. 
 
LIFE AND DEATH. 833 
 
 Rabbinic belief the modern name os sacrum, its origin really 
 being due to the custom of placing it upon the altar in ancient 
 sacrifices. 
 
 The learned Kabbins of the Jews 
 
 Write, there's a bone, which they call Luz 
 
 I' th' rump of man, of such a virtue 
 
 No force in nature can do hurt to ; 
 
 And therefore at the last great day 
 
 All th' other members shall, they say, 
 
 Spring out of this, as from a seed 
 
 All sorts of vegetals proceed ; 
 
 From whence the learned sons of art 
 
 Os sacrum justly style that part. — Hudibras. 
 
 DYING WORDS OF DISTINGUISHED PERSONS. 
 
 There taught us how to live; and — oh, too high 
 
 A price for knowledge ! — taught us how to die. — Tickell. 
 
 On parent knees, a naked, new-born child, 
 
 Weeping thou sat'st, while all around thee smiled j 
 
 So live that, sinking in thy last long sleep, 
 
 Calm thou mayst smile while all around thee weep.* 
 
 Sir W. Jones : Pers. Trans. 
 
 Napoleon. — T§te d'Armee ! 
 
 Sir Walter Raleigh. — It matters little how the head lieth. 
 
 Goethe. — Let the light enter. 
 
 Tasso. — Into thy hands, Lord. 
 
 Alfieri. — Clasp my hand, my dear friend : I die. 
 
 Martin Luther. — Father in Heaven, though this body is 
 breaking away from me, and I am departing this life, yet I 
 know that I shall forever be with thee, for no one can pluck 
 me out of thy hand. 
 
 * A German journal proposed that the following lines should be translated 
 into any other language, so that the number of lines and words should not 
 exceed those in the original (twenty words). 
 
 Sohn! Du weintest am Tage der Geburt, es lachten die Freunde; 
 Tracht, dass am Todestag, waehrend sie weinen, du lachst 
 The English response thus complied with the conditions (seventeen words) :— 
 
 When I was born I cried, while others smiled; 
 Oh, may I dying smile, while others weep. 
 3C 70* 
 
834 LIFE AND DEATII. 
 
 Mozart. — You spoke of refreshment, my Emilie : take my 
 last notes, sit down at the piano, sing them with the hymn of 
 your sainted mother ; let me hear once more those notes which 
 have so long been my solace and delight. 
 
 Haydn. — God preserve the Emperor ! 
 
 Matter. — The artery ceases to beat. 
 
 Grotius. — Be serious. 
 
 Erasmus. — Lord, make an end. 
 
 Cardinal Beaufort. — What ! is there no bribing death ? 
 
 Hilary, Bishop of Poictiers. — Soul, thou hast served Christ 
 these seventy years, and art thou afraid to die ? Go out, soul, 
 go out. 
 
 Queen Elizabeth. — All my possessions for a moment of time ! 
 
 Charles II — Let not poor Nelly starve. 
 
 Anne Boleyn. — It is small, very small indeed (clasping her 
 neck). 
 
 Sir Thomas More. — I pray you see me safe up; and as for 
 my coming down, let me shift for myself (ascending the scaf- 
 fold). 
 
 John Hampden. — Lord, save my country ! Lord, be 
 merciful to 
 
 Chancellor Thurlow. — I'm shot if I don't believe I'm dying. 
 
 Addison. — See with what peace a Christian can die. 
 
 Julius Caesar. — Et tu, Brute. 
 
 Nero. — Is this your fidelity ? 
 
 Herder. — Refresh me with a great thought. 
 
 Frederick V. } of Denmark. — There is not a drop of blood on 
 my hands. 
 
 Mirabeau. — Let me die amid the sound of delicious music 
 and the fragrance of flowers. 
 
 Madame de Stael. — I have loved God, my father, and liberty 
 
 Lord Nelson. — Kiss me, Hardy. 
 
 Lord Chesterfield. — Give Dayrolles a chair. 
 
 Hobbes. — I am taking a fearful leap in the dark. 
 
 Byron. — I must sleep now. 
 
 Sir Walter Scott. — I feel as if I were to be myself again 
 
LIFE AND DEATH. 83D 
 
 Keats. — T feel the daisies growing over me. 
 
 Robert Burns. — Don't let that awkward squad fire over my 
 grave 
 
 Lawrence. — Don't give up the ship. 
 
 Washington. — It is well. 
 
 Franklin. — A dying man can do nothing easy. 
 
 Wolfe. — Now, God be praised, I will die in peace. 
 
 Marion. — Thank God, I can lay my hand upon my heart 
 and say that since I came to man's estate I have never inten- 
 tionally done wrong to any one. 
 
 Adams. — Independence forever ! 
 
 Jefferson. — I resign my soul to God, and my daughter to my 
 country. 
 
 J. Q. Adams. — This is the last of earth. I am content. 
 
 Harrison. — I wish you to understand the true principles of 
 the Government. I wish them carried out. I ask nothing 
 more. 
 
 Taylor. — I have endeavored to do my duty. 
 
 Daniel Webster. — I still live. 
 
 THE LAST PRAYER OF MARY, QUEEN OF SCOTS. 
 
 Written in her Prayer-Booh the morning before her Execution : 
 
 ! Doraine Deus, (0 my Lord and my God, 
 
 Speravi in te, — I have trusted in thee ; 
 
 ! care mi Jesu, Jesus, my love, 
 
 Nunc libera me. Now liberate me. 
 
 In dura catena, In my enemies' power, 
 
 In misera poena, In affliction's sad hour, 
 
 Desidero te. I languish for thee. 
 
 Languendo, gemendo, In sorrowing, weeping, 
 Et genuflectendo, And bending the knee, 
 
 Adoro, imploro, I adore and implore thee 
 Ut liberes me ! To liberate me !) 
 
 REMARKABLE TRANCE. 
 
 At the siege of Rouen, the body of Francois de Civille, a 
 French captain who was supposed to have been killed, was 
 thrown with others into the ditch, where it remained from 
 
836 LIFE AND DEATH. 
 
 eleven o'clock in the morning to half-past six in the evening, 
 when Lis servant, observing some latent heat, carried the body 
 into the house. During the ensuing five days and nights not 
 the slightest sign of life was exhibited, although the body 
 gradually recovered its warmth. At the expiration of this 
 time the town was carried by assault, and the servants of an 
 officer belonging to the besiegers, having found the supposed 
 corpse of Civille, threw it out of a window, with no other cover- 
 ing than his shirt. Fortunately for the captain, he fell upon 
 a heap of straw, where he remained senseless three days 
 longer, when he was taken up by his relations for sepulture 
 and ultimately brought to life. What was still more strange, 
 Civille, like Macduff, had been "from his mother's womb 
 untimely ripped," having been brought into the world by a 
 Caesarian operation which his mother did not survive. After 
 his last escape he used to add to his signature, " three times 
 born, three times buried, and three times risen from the dead 
 by the grace of Grod." 
 
 QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION. 
 
 Whether, — as in the case of the Abbe Prevost in the forest 
 of Chantilly, — if a supposed cadaver, while subjected to the in- 
 vestigating knife of the anatomist, should awake from a trance 
 only to be conscious of his horrible condition and to expire 
 from the immediate effect of the dissection, it is any thing more 
 than homicide per infortuniam, or not. 
 
 Whether, in the case of Lazarus, who was restored to life by 
 the Saviour after decomposition had commenced, he could have 
 reclaimed property already in the possession and occupancy of 
 the heirs to whom he had willed it before death. 
 
 PRESERVED BODIES. 
 
 There is an arched vault, or burying-ground, under the 
 church at Kilsyth, in Scotland, which was the burying-place 
 of the family of Kilsyth until the estate was forfeited and 
 the title became extinct in the year 1715, since which it has 
 
LIFE, AND DEATH. 837 
 
 never been used for that purpose except once. The last earl 
 fled^ith his family to Flanders, and, according to tradition, was 
 smothered to death about the year 1717, along with his lady 
 and an infant child, and a number of other unfortunate Scottish 
 exiles, by the falling in of the roof of a house in which they 
 were assembled. What became of the body of the earl is not 
 known ; but the bodies of Lady Kilsyth and her infant were 
 disembowelled and embalmed, and soon afterwards sent over to 
 Scotland. They were landed, and lay at Leith for some time, 
 whence they were afterwards carried to Kilsyth, and buried 
 with great pomp, in the vault above mentioned. 
 
 In the spring of 1796, some reckless young men, having paid 
 a visit to this ancient cemetery, tore open the coffin of Lady 
 Kilsyth and her infant. With astonishment and consternation 
 they saw the bodies of Lady Kilsyth and her child as perfect as 
 they had been the hour they were entombed. For some weeks 
 this circumstance was kept secret ; but at last it began to be 
 whispered in several companies, and soon excited great and 
 general curiosity. u On the 12th of June/' wrote the minister 
 of the parish of Kilsyth, in a letter to Dr. Garnet, " when I was 
 from home, great crowds assembled, and would not be denied 
 admission. At all hours of the night, as well as the day, they 
 afterwards persisted in gratifying their curiosity. I saw the 
 body of Lady Kilsyth soon after the coffin was opened. It was 
 quite entire. Every feature and every limb was as full, nay, the 
 very shroud was as clear and fresh and the colors of the ribands 
 as bright, as the day they were lodged in the tomb. What ren- 
 dered this scene more striking and truly interesting was that the 
 body of her son and only child, the natural heir of the title and 
 estates of Kilsyth, lay at her knee. His features were as com- 
 posed as if he had been only asleep. His color was as fresh, 
 and his flesh as plump and full, as in the perfect glow of 
 health; the smile of infancy and innocence sat on his lips. 
 His shroud was not only entire, but perfectly clean, without a 
 particle of dust upon it. He seems to have been only a few 
 months old. The body of Lady Kilsyth was equally well pre- 
 
838 LIFE AND DEATH. 
 
 served ; and at a little distance, from the feeble light of a taper, 
 it would not have been easy to distinguish whether she was 
 dead or alive. The features, nay, the very expression of her 
 countenance, were marked and distinct ; and it was only in a 
 certain light that you could distinguish any thing like the ago- 
 nizing traits of a violent death. Not a single fold of her shroud 
 was decayed, nor a single member impaired. Neither of the 
 bodies appear to have undergone the slightest decomposition or 
 disorganization. Several medical gentlemen made incisions into 
 the arm of the infant, and found the substance of the body 
 quite firm, and in its original state." 
 
 The writer states, among other interesting points that at- 
 tracted his attention, that the bodies appeared to have been 
 saturated in some aromatic liquid, of the color of dark brandy, 
 with which the coffin had been filled, but which had nearly all 
 evaporated. 
 
 Other instances of the artificial preservation of bodies might 
 be mentioned, still more remarkable, though perhaps less in- 
 teresting, than the preceding. The tomb of Edward the First, 
 who died on the 7th of July, 1307, was opened on the 2d of 
 January, 1770, and after the lapse of four hundred and sixty- 
 three years the body was found undecayed : the flesh on the face 
 was a little wasted, but not decomposed. The body of Canute 
 the Dane, who obtained possession of England in the year 
 1017, was found quite fresh in the year 1766, by the workmen 
 repairing Winchester Cathedral. In the year 1522, the body 
 of William the Conqueror was found as entire as when first 
 buried, in the Abbey Church of St. Stephen at Caen ; and the 
 body of Matilda his queen was. found entire in 1502, in the 
 Abbey Church of the Holy Trinity in the same city. 
 
 No device of art, however, for the preservation of the re- 
 mains of the dead, appears equal to the simple process of 
 plunging them into peat-moss. 
 
 In a manuscript by one Abraham Grey, who lived about the 
 middle of the sixteenth century, now in the possession of his 
 representative Mr. Goodbehere Grey, of Old Mills, near Aber- 
 
LIFE AND DEATH. 839 
 
 deen, it is stated that, in 1569, three Roman soldiers, in the 
 dress of their country, fully equipped with warlike instruments, 
 were dug out of a moss of great extent, called Kazey Moss. 
 When found, after the lapse of probably about fifteen hundred 
 years, they were still fresh and plump ! 
 
 Modern chemistry teaches us that in these cases there is a 
 conversion of the tissues of the body into adipocere, a sub- 
 stance closely resembling spermaceti, and composed, according 
 to Chevreul, of margaric and oleic acids, with a slight addition 
 of the alkalies. It is generally formed from bodies buried in 
 moist earth, and especially when they have accumulated in 
 great numbers. On the removal of the Cimetihre des Innocens 
 in Paris, in 1787, where thousands of bodies had been buried 
 annually for several centuries, it was found that those bodies 
 which had been placed in great numbers in the trenches 
 were, without having lost their shapes, converted into this 
 substance. 
 
 FOLLY OF EMBALMING CORPSES. 
 Full many a jocund spring has passed away, 
 And many a flower has blossomed to decay, 
 And human life, still hastening to a close, 
 Finds in the worthless dust its last repose. — Firdoust. 
 
 Professor Johnston, in alluding to the custom of converting 
 the human body into a frightful-looking mummy, or of at- 
 tempting by various artificial processes to arrest its natural 
 course of decomposition into kindred elements, remarks, as 
 beautifully as truly : — 
 
 Embalm the loved bodies, and swathe them, as the old 
 Egyptians did, in resinous cerements, and you but preserve 
 them a little longer, that some wretched, plundering Arab may 
 desecrate and scatter to the winds the residual dust. Or 
 jealously, in regal tombs and pyramids, preserve the forms of 
 venerated emperors or beauteous queens, still, some future con- 
 queror, or more humble Belzoni, will rifle the most secure rest- 
 ing-place. Or bury them in most sacred places, beneath high 
 altars, a new reign shall dig them up and mingle them again 
 
840 LIFE AND DEATH. 
 
 with the common earth. Or, more careful still, conceal your 
 last resting-place where local history keeps no record and even 
 tradition cannot betray you : then accident shall stumble at 
 length upon your unknown tomb and liberate your still re- 
 maining ashes. 
 
 How touching to behold the vain result of even the most 
 successful attempts at preserving apart, and in their relative 
 places, the solid materials of the individual form ! The tomb, 
 after a lapse of time, is found and opened. The ghastly tenant 
 reclines, it may be, in full form and stature. The very features 
 are preserved, — impressed, and impressing the spectator, with 
 the calm dignity of their long repose. But some curious hand 
 touches the seemingly solid form, or a breath of air disturbs 
 the sleeping air around the full-proportioned body, — when, lo ! 
 it crumbles instantly away into an almost insensible quantity 
 of impalpable dust ! 
 
 Who has not read with mingled wonder and awe of the open- 
 ing, in our own day, of the almost magical sepulchre of an 
 ancient Etruscan king ? The antiquarian dilettanti, in their 
 under-ground researches, unexpectedly stumbled upon the 
 unknown vault. Undisturbed through Roman and barbaric 
 times, accident revealed it to modern eyes. A small aperture, 
 made by chance in the outer wall, showed to the astonished 
 gazers a crowned king within, sitting on his chair of state, 
 with robes and sceptre all entire, and golden ornaments of an- 
 cient device bestowed here and there around his person. 
 Eager to secure the precious spoil, a way is forced with ham- 
 mer and mattock into the mysterious chamber. But the long 
 spell is now broken ; the magical image is now gone. Slowly, 
 as the vault first' shook beneath the blows, the whole pageant 
 crumbled away. A light, smoky dust tilled the air j and, where 
 the image so lately sat, only the tinselled fragments of thin 
 gold remained, to show that the vision and the ornaments had 
 been real, though the entire substance of the once noble form 
 had utterly vanished. 
 
 For a few thousand years some apparently fortunate kings 
 
LIFE AND DEATH. 841 
 
 and princes may arrest the natural circulation of a handful of 
 dust. But in what are they better than Cromwell, whose re- 
 mains were pitilessly disturbed, — than WycklifFe, whose ashes 
 were sprinkled on the sea, — than St. Grenevieve, whose remains 
 were burned in the Place de Greve and her ashes scattered to 
 the wind, — than Mausolus, whose dust was swallowed by his 
 wife Artemisia, — than the King of Edom, whose bones were 
 burned for lime, — or than St. Pepin and all the royal line of 
 Bourbon, whose tombs were emptied by a Parisian mob? 
 Lamartine tells us, in his History of the Girondists, that a de- 
 cree of the Convention had commanded the destruction of the 
 tombs of the kings at St. Denis. The Commune changed this 
 decree into an attack against the dead. * * * * T ne axe 
 broke the gates of bronze presented by Charlemagne to the 
 Basilica of St. Denis. * * * They raised the stones, ran- 
 sacked the vaults, violated the resting-places of the departed, 
 sought out, beneath the swathings and shrouds, embalmed 
 corpses, crumbled flesh, calcined bones, empty skulls of kings, 
 queens, princes, ministers, bishops. Pepin, the founder of the 
 Carlovingian dynasty and father of Charlemagne, was now but 
 a pinch of gray ash, which was in a moment scattered by the 
 wind. The mutilated heads of Turenne, Duguesclin, Louis 
 XII., Francis I., were rolled on the pavement. * * * * 
 Beneath the choir were buried the princes and princesses of 
 the first race, and some of the third, — Hugh Capet, Philip 
 the Bold, Philip the Handsome. They rent away their rags 
 of silk and threw them on a bed of quicklime. * * * * 
 They threw the carcass of Henry IV. into the common fosse. 
 His son and grandson, Louis XIII. and XIV., followed. Louis 
 XIII. was but a mummy ; Louis XIV. a black, indistinguishable 
 mass of aromatics. Louis XV. came last out of his tomb. The 
 vault of the Bourbons rendered up its dead ; queens, dauphin- 
 esses, priii cesses, were carried away in armfuls by the workmen 
 and cast into the trench. A brief interval of proud separa- 
 tion, and they were mingled with the common dust ! Their 
 ashes dissipated, nothing but their empty tombs remain, — 
 
 71 
 
842 LIFE AND DEATH. 
 
 the houses of the dead, like the houses of the living, long sur- 
 viving, as melancholy mementos of the tenants for whom they 
 were erected. 
 
 M. de Saulcy, in his Journey Round the Dead Sea, remarks 
 of the rock-tombs of the valley of Hinnom, " The immense 
 necropolis, traces of which are to be met with at every step in 
 the valley, dates from the period when the Jebusites were mas- 
 ters of the country. After them the Israelites deposited the 
 remains of their fathers in the same grottoes ; and the same 
 tombs, after having become at a still later period those of the 
 Christians who had obtained possession of the Holy City, have, 
 since the destruction of the Latin kingdoms of Jerusalem, 
 ceased to change both masters and occupants. Even the scat- 
 tered bones are no more found in them ; and from the city 
 of the dead the dead alone have disappeared, while the abodes 
 are still entire." 
 
 There is a barbaric philosophy, therefore, as well as an appa- 
 rent knowledge of the course of nature, in the treatment of the 
 dead which prevails in Thibet and on the slopes of the Hima- 
 laya. In the former country the dead body is cut in pieces, 
 and either thrown into the lakes to feed the fishes, or exposed 
 on the hill-tops to the eagles and birds of prey. On the Hima- 
 layan slopes the Sikkim burn the body and scatter the ashes 
 on the ground. The end is the same among these tribes of 
 men as among us. They briefly anticipate the usual course 
 of time, — a little sooner verifying the inspired words, " Dust 
 thou art, and unto dust thou shalt return." 
 
 Yet a few days, and thee 
 The all-beholding sun shall see no more 
 In all his course ; nor yet in the cold ground, 
 Where thy pale form was laid with many tears, 
 Nor in the embrace of ocean, shall exist 
 Thy image. Earth, that nourished thee, shall claim 
 Thy growth, to be resolved to earth again, 
 And, lost each human trace, surrendering up 
 Thine individual being, shalt thou go 
 To mix forever with the elements, 
 To be a brother to the insensible rock 
 And to the sluggish clod.— Bryant. 
 
LIFE AND DEATH. 843 
 
 WHIMSICAL WILL. 
 
 By William Hunnis, Chapel-master to Queen Elizabeth : — 
 
 To God my soule I do bequeathe, because it is his owen, 
 My body to be layd in grave, where to my friends best knowen ; 
 Executors I will none make, thereby great stryfe may grow, 
 Because the goods that I shall leave wyll not pay all I owe. 
 
 THE TRIPOD. 
 
 According to the Babylonian Talmud, Beracoth, p. 8, and in 
 Jalkud Schimoni on Ps. lxviii, 20, " Nine hundred and three 
 are the kinds of death made in this world." Physiologists drop 
 the nine hundred, declare that life stands on a tripod, and assert 
 that we die by the lungs, the heart, or the brain. 
 
 IMPRECATORY EPITAPH. 
 
 The Shakspearean imprecation, " Curst be- he that moves my 
 bones," is paralleled in an epitaph in Runic characters at Greni- 
 adarstad church, in Iceland, which according to Finn Magnus- 
 sen's interpretation, concludes thus : — 
 
 "If you willingly remove this monument, may you sink into the ground." 
 
 THE FLEUR-DE-LIS. 
 
 Nothing, says an old writer, could be more simple than the 
 lily, which was the distinctive badge of the French monarchy ; 
 nor, at the same time, could anything be more symbolic of the 
 state of the nobility and gentry, exempted from the necessity 
 of working for a livelihood or for dress, than lilies, of which it 
 is said : " They toil not neither do they spin," neque labor ant 
 neque nent } — which was the motto of the royal arms of France. 
 
 THE PLAGUES OF EGYPT. 
 
 # The waters change to blood; next, frogs arise; 
 Dust turns to lice ; and then come swarms of flies ; 
 Lo ! murrain strikes the beasts, but Goshen 's free ! 
 Lo ! boils beset the men, save, Israel, thee ! 
 Then fires the thundering hail; then locusts bite; 
 Then comes three days of one unbroken night; 
 The first-born's midnight death, from cot to throne, 
 Winds up ten plagues that make Egyptians moan. 
 
844 LIFE AND DEATH. 
 
 A STORY OF LONG AGO. 
 
 The long time ago of which I mean to tell, says Jean In- 
 gelow, was a wild night in March, during which, in a fisher- 
 man's hut ashore, sat a young girl at her spinning-wheel, and 
 looked out on the dark driving clouds, and listened, trembling, 
 to the winds and the seas. The morning light dawned at last. 
 One boat that should have been riding on the troubled waves 
 was missing — her father's boat ! and half a mile from the cot- 
 tage her father's body was washed upon the shore. 
 
 This happened fifty years ago, and fifty years is a long time 
 in the life of a human being ; fifty years is a long time to go 
 on in such a course as the woman did of whom I am speaking. 
 She watched her father's body, according to the custom of her 
 people, till he was laid in the grave. Then she laid down on 
 her bed and slept, and by night got up and set a candle in her 
 casement, as a beacon to the fishermen and a guide. She sat 
 by the candle all night, and trimmed it, and spun ; then when 
 the day dawned she went to bed and slept in the sunshine. 
 So many hanks as she spun before for her daily bread, she 
 spun still, and one over, to buy her nightly candle ; and from 
 that time to this, for fifty years, through youth, maturity, and 
 old age, she turned night into day, and in the snow-storms 
 of Winter, through driving mists, deceptive moonlight, and 
 solemn darkness, that northern harbor has never once been 
 without the light of her candle. 
 
 How many lives she saved by this candle, or how many 
 meals she won for the starving families of the boatmen, it is 
 impossible to say; how many a dark night the fishermen, de- 
 pending on it, went fearlessly forth, cannot now be told. • There 
 it stood, regular as a lighthouse, and steady as constant care 
 could make it. Always brighter when daylight waned, they 
 had only to keep it constantly in view and they were safe ; there 
 was but one thing that could intercept it, and that was the 
 rock. However far they might have stretched out to sea, they 
 
LIFE AND DEATH. §45 
 
 had only to bear down straight for that lighted window, and 
 they were sure of a safe entrance into the harbor. 
 
 Fifty years of life and labor — fifty years of sleeping in the 
 sunshine — fifty years of watching and self-denial, and all to 
 feed the flame and trim the wick of that one candle! But if 
 we look upon the recorded lives of great men and just men 
 and wise men, few of them can show fifty years of worthier, 
 certainly not of more successful labor. Little, indeed, of the 
 " midnight oil" consumed during the last half century so wor- 
 thily deserved trimming. Happy woman — and but for the 
 dreaded rock her great charity might never have been called 
 into exercise. 
 
 But what do the boatmen and the boatmen's wives think of 
 this ? Do they pay the woman? No, they are very poor; but 
 poor or rich they know better than that. Do they thank her ? 
 No. Perhaps they feel that thanks of theirs would be inade- 
 quate to express their obligations, or, perhaps long years have 
 made the lighted casement so familiar that it is looked upon 
 as a matter of course. Sometimes the fishermen lay fish on 
 her threshold, and set a child to watch it for her till she 
 wakes; sometimes their wives steal into her cottage, now she 
 is getting old, and spin a hank or two of thread for her 
 while she slumbers ; and they teach their children to pass her 
 hut quietly, and not to sing and shout before her door, lest 
 they should disturb her. ^hai is all. Their thanks are not 
 looked for — scarcely supposed to be due. Their grateful 
 deeds are more than she expects and much as she desires. 
 
 How often in the far distance of my English home, I have 
 awoke in a wild Winter night, and while the wind and storm 
 were Arising, have thought of that northern bay, with the 
 waves dashing against the rock, and nave pictured to myself 
 the casement, and the candle nursed by that bending, aged 
 figure! How delighted to know that through her untiring 
 charity the rock has long since lost more than than half its terror, 
 
 71* 
 
846 LIFE AND DEATH. 
 
 and to consider that, curse though it may be to all besides, it 
 has most surely proved a blessing to her. 
 
 You, too, may perhaps think with advantage on the charac- 
 ter of this woman, and contrast it with the mission of the rock. 
 There are many degrees between them. Few, like the rock, 
 stand up wholly to work ruin and destruction ; few, like the 
 woman, "let their light shine" so brightly for good. But to 
 one of the many degrees between them we must all most cer- 
 tainly belong — we all lean towards the woman or the rock. 
 On such characters you do well to speculate with me, for you 
 have not been cheated into sympathy with ideal shipwreck or 
 imaginary kindness. There is many a rock elsewhere as peril- 
 ous as the one I told you of — perhaps there are many such 
 women ; but for this one, whose story is before you, pray that 
 her candle may burn a little longer, since this record of her 
 charity is true. 
 
 THIS IS NOT OUR HOME. 
 
 Among the beautiful thoughts which dropped like pearls 
 from the pen of that brilliant and talented journalist, Greorge D. 
 Prentice, the following sublime extract upon man's higher des- 
 tiny is perhaps the best known and most universally admitted. 
 Coming from such a source we can well appreciate it, for that 
 distinguished man had attained a position among his fellows 
 which would have satisfied almost any earthly ambition. Yet all 
 this could not recompense him for the toils and ills of life, and 
 in the eloquent passage subjoined he portrays, most beautifully, 
 the restless longings of the human heart for something higher 
 and nobler than earth can afford. 
 
 " It cannot be that earth is man's only abiding place. It can- 
 not be that our life is a bubble cast up by the ocean of eternity 
 to float a moment upon its waves and sink into nothingness. 
 Else, why these high and glorious aspirations which leap like 
 angels from the temple of our hearts, forever wandering un- 
 satisfied ? Why is it that the rainbow and cloud come over us 
 with a beauty that is not of earth, and then pass off to leave us 
 
LIFE AND DEATH. 847 
 
 to muse on their loveliness ? Why is it the stars which hold their 
 festival around the midnight throne, are set above the grasp of 
 our limited faculties, forever mocking us with their unapproach- 
 able glory ? And, finally, why is it that the bright forms of 
 human beauty are presented to our view and taken from us, 
 leaving the thousand streams of our affections to flow back in 
 Alpine torrents upon our hearts? We were born for a higher 
 destiny than earth. There is a realm where the rainbow never 
 fades, where the stars will be spread out before us like the 
 islands that slumber on the ocean, and where the beautiful 
 beings that pass before us like shadows, will stay forever 
 in our presence." 
 
 ILL SUCCESS IN LIFE. 
 
 One of our best American writers, Geo. S. Hillard, forcibly 
 and truly says : — 
 
 I confess that increasing years bring with them an increasing 
 respect for men who do not succeed in life, as those words are 
 commonly used. Heaven is said to be a place for those who 
 have not succeeded on earth ; and it is sure that celestial grace 
 does not thrive and bloom in the hot blaze of worldly pros- 
 perity. Ill success sometimes arises from a superabundance of 
 qualities in themselves good — from a conscience too sensitive, 
 a taste too fastidious, a self- forgetfuln ess too romantic, and 
 modesty too retiring. I will not go so far as to say, with a living 
 poet, " that the world knows nothing of its great men," but 
 there are forms of greatness, or at least excellence, which " die 
 and make no sign ;" there are martyrs that miss the palm but 
 not the stake, heroes without the laurel, and conquerors with- 
 out the triumph. 
 
 FUTURITY. 
 
 " Life is sweet," said Sir Anthony Kingston to Bishop 
 Hooper at the stake, "and death bitter." "True, friend," he 
 replied, "but consider that the death to come is more bitter, 
 and the life to come is more sweet." 
 
848 I^ FE AND DEATH. 
 
 THE HEART. 
 
 In his charming Hyperion, Mr. Longfellow says : — 
 
 The little I have seen of the world, and know of the history 
 
 of mankind, teaches me to look upon the errors of others in 
 
 sorrow, not in anger. When I take the history of one poor 
 
 heart that has sinned and suffered, and represent to myself the 
 
 struggles and temptations it has passed, — the brief pulsations 
 
 of joy, — the feverish inquietude of hope and fear, — the tears 
 
 of regret, — the feebleness of purpose, — the pressure of want, — 
 
 the desertion of friends, — the scorn of a world that has little 
 
 charity, — the desolation of the soul's sanctuary, — threatening 
 
 voices within, — health gone, — happiness gone, — even hope, that 
 
 remains the longest, gone, — I would fain leave the erring 
 
 soul of my fellow-man with Him from whose hands it came, 
 
 Even as a little girl, 
 
 Weeping and laughing in her childish sport. 
 
 EVENING PRAYER. 
 
 The day is ended. Ere I sink to sleep, 
 
 My weary spirit seeks repose in Thine. 
 Father, forgive my trespasses, and keep 
 
 This little life of mine. 
 With loving kindness curtain thou my bed, 
 
 And cool, in rest, my burning pilgrim feet; 
 Thy pardon be the pillow for my head; 
 
 So shall my sleep be sweet. 
 
 At peace with all the world, dear Lord, and thee, 
 No fears my soul's unwavering faith can shake; 
 
 All's well ! whichever side the grave for me 
 The morning light may break. 
 
 BEAUTIFUL THOUGHT. 
 
 On the shores of the Adriatic sea the wives of the fisher- 
 men, whose husbands have gone far off upon the deep, are in 
 the habit, at even-tide, of going down to the sea-shore, and 
 singing, as female voices only can, the first stanza of a beautiful 
 hymn ; after they have sung it they will listen till they hear, 
 borne by the wind across the desert sea, the second stanza sung 
 
LIFE AND DEATH. 
 
 by their gallant husbands, as they are tossed by the gale upon 
 the waves, and both are happy. Perhaps, if we listen, we, too, 
 might hear on this desert world of ours some whisper borne 
 from afar to remind us that there is a heaven and a home; and 
 when we sing the hymn upon earth, perhaps we shall hear its 
 echo breaking in the music upon the sands of time, and cheer- 
 ing the hearts of those that are pilgrims and strangers, and 
 look for a city that hath foundation. 
 
 life's parting. 
 
 Wordsworth read less and praised less the writings of other 
 poets, than any one of his contemporaries. This gives an es- 
 pecial interest to the following stanza by Mrs. Barbauld, which 
 he learned by heart, and which he used to ask his sister to re- 
 peat to him. Once, while walking in his sitting-room at Ry- 
 dal, with his hands behind him, his friend, Henry Crabb Rob- 
 inson heard him say: "I am not in the habit of grudging peo- 
 ple their good things ; but I wish I had written those lines : — 
 
 Life ! we've been long together, 
 Through pleasant and through cloudy weather; 
 'Tis hard to part when friends are dear, 
 Perhaps 'twill cost a sigh, a tear ; 
 Then steal away, give little warning, 
 
 Choose thine own time; 
 Say not good night, but in some brighter clime 
 
 Bid me good-morning/' 
 
 DESTINY. 
 
 Three roses, wan as moonlight, and weighed down 
 Each with its loveliness as with a crown, 
 Drooped in a florist's window in a town. 
 
 The first a lover bought. It lay at rest, 
 
 Like snow on snow, that night, on beauty's breast. 
 
 The second rose, as virginal and fair, 
 Shrunk in the tangles of a harlot's hair. 
 
 The third, a widow, with new grief made wild, 
 Shut in the icy palm of her dead ohild. 
 3D 
 
850 LIFE AND DEATH. 
 
 SYMPATHY. 
 
 Talfourd says in his Ion : — 
 
 "It is little: 
 But in these sharp extremities of fortune, 
 The blessings which the weak and poor can scatter 
 Have their own season. 'Tis a little thing 
 To give a cup of water ; yet its draught 
 Of cool refreshment, drain'd by fever'd lips, 
 May give a shock of pleasure to the frame 
 More exquisite than when nectarean juice 
 Renews the life of joy in happiest hours. 
 It is a little thing to speak a phrase 
 Of common comfort, which, by daily use, 
 Has almost lost its sense ; yet, on the ear 
 Of him who thought to die unmourn'd, 'twill fall 
 Like choicest music ; fill the gazing eye 
 With gentle tears; relax the knotted hand 
 To know the bonds of fellowship again; 
 And shed on the departing soul a sense, 
 More precious than the benison of friends 
 About the honored death-bed of the rich, 
 To him who else were lonely, that another 
 Of the great family is near and feels." 
 
 AFTER. 
 
 After the shower, the tranquil sun ; 
 After the snow, the emerald leaves ; 
 Silver stars when the day is done ; 
 After the harvest, golden sheaves. 
 
 After the clouds, the violet sky; 
 After the tempest, the lull of waves ; 
 Quiet woods when the winds go by; 
 After the battle, peaceful graves. 
 
 After the knell, the wedding bells ; 
 After the bud, the radiant rose ; 
 Joyful greetings from sad farewells ; 
 After our weeping, sweet repose. 
 
 After the burden, the blissful meed; 
 After the flight, the downy nest; 
 After the furrow, the waking seed 
 After the shadowy river — rest I 
 
LIFE AND DEATH. 851 
 
 DEATH'S FINAL CONQUEST. 
 
 [Among the poetic legacies that will " never grow old, nor change, nor 
 pass away," is the noble dirge of Shirley, in his Contention of Ajax and 
 Ulysses. Doubtless it was by the fall, if not by the death, of Charles I., 
 that the mind of the royalist poet was solemnized to the creation of these 
 imperishable stanzas. Oliver Cromwell is said, on the recital of them, to 
 have been seized with great terror and agitation of mind.] 
 
 The glories of our mortal state 
 
 Are shadows, not substantial things; 
 There is no armor against fate j 
 Death lays his icy hand on kings : 
 Sceptre and crown 
 Must tumble down, 
 And in the dust be equal made 
 With the poor crooked scythe and spade. 
 Some men with swords may reap the field, • 
 And plant fresh laurels where they kill ; 
 But their strong nerves at last must yield ; 
 They tame but one another still : 
 Early or late, 
 They stoop to fate, 
 And must give up their murmuring breath, 
 When they, pale captives, creep to death. 
 
 The garlands wither on your brow ; 
 
 Then boast no more your mighty deeds ; 
 Upon death's purple altar now, » 
 
 See where the victor-victim bleeds : 
 Your heads must come 
 To the cold tomb : — 
 Only the actions of the just 
 Smell sweet, and blossom in their dust. 
 
 THE COMMON HERITAGE. 
 
 There is no death : what seems so is transition : 
 
 This life of mortal breath 
 Is but a suburb of the life elysian 
 
 Whose portal we call Death. — Longfellow. 
 
 There is — says the author of Euthanasy — no universal 
 night in this earth, and for us in the universe there is no 
 death. What to us here is night coming on, is, on the other 
 side of the earth, night ending, and day begun. And so what 
 we call death, the angels may regard as immortal birth. 
 
852 LIFE AND DEATH. 
 
 We are born — says another writer — with the principles of 
 dissolution in our frame, which continue to operate from our 
 birth to our death; so that in this sense we may be said to 
 "die daily." Death is not so much a laying aside our old 
 bodies (for this we have been doing all our lives) as ceasing 
 to assume new ones. 
 
 " Say," said one who was about entering the Dark Valley, to 
 his amanuensis, " that I am still in the land of the living, but 
 expect soon to be numbered with the dead." But, after a mo- 
 ment's reflection, he added, " Stop ! say that I am still in the 
 land of the dying, but expect to be soon in the land of the 
 living." 
 
 Says old Jeremy Collier, The more we sink into the in- 
 firmities of age, the nearer we are to immortal youth. All 
 people are young in the other world. That state is an eternal 
 spring, ever fresh and flourishing. Now, to pass from midnight 
 into noon on the sudden, to be decrepit one minute, and all 
 spirit and activity the next, must be an entertaining change. 
 To call this dying is an abuse of language. 
 
 The day of our decease — says Mountford — will be that of 
 our coming of age; and with our last breath we shall become 
 free of the universe. And in some region of infinity, and from 
 among its splendors, this earth will be looked back upon like 
 a lowly home, and this life of ours be remembered like a short 
 apprenticeship to Duty. 
 
 Mors mortis morti mortem nisi morte dedisset, 
 ETERN.fi vit^e Janua clausa poret. 
 
INDEX. 
 
 Alphabetical Whims, Page 25. 
 
 Acrostics, — 
 
 Alphabetical advertisement, 29. 
 
 Oliver's impromptu on Arnold, 
 
 Enigmas, 30. 
 
 Page 44. 
 
 Eve's Legend, 28. 
 
 Bachel, 46. 
 
 Jacobite toast, 30. 
 
 Reynolds, 42. 
 
 Letter H, 31. 
 
 Scott, Walter, 42. 
 
 Lipogrammata and pangram- 
 
 Southey, 44. 
 
 mata, 25. 
 
 Valentine, a, 49. 
 
 Marriage of a lady to Mr. Gee, 
 
 Wordsworth, 43. 
 
 32. 
 
 Alliteration, 34. 
 
 On sending a pair of gloves, 32. 
 
 Alphabetical, 34. 
 
 The three initials, 30. 
 
 Address to the Aurora, 36. 
 
 Univocalic verses, 32. 
 
 Belgrade, siege of, 34. 
 
 Acrostics, 39. 
 
 Bunker Hill Monument, 34. 
 
 Alliterative on Miss Stephens, 
 
 Prince Charles protected by 
 
 45. 
 
 Flora Macdonald, 35. 
 
 Brevity of human life, 48. 
 
 Title-page for Book of Ex- 
 
 Burke, 42. 
 
 tracts, 37. 
 
 Chronogrammatic pasquinade, 
 
 Bevy of belles, 39. « 
 
 45. 
 
 Complimentary of chess, 37. 
 
 Crabbe, 42. 
 
 Couplet on Cardinal Wolsey, 35. 
 
 Death of Lord Hatherton, 40. 
 
 Felicitous flight of fancy, 38. 
 
 Dryden, 42. 
 
 Hood's Ode to Perry, 38. 
 
 Emblematic fish, 46. 
 
 Motives to gratitude, 39 
 
 Hempe, 47. 
 
 Pulci's double alliterations, 36. 
 
 Herbert, George, 41. 
 
 Stanza from Drury's Dirge, 36. 
 
 Huber, 42. 
 
 Anagrams, 49. 
 
 Irving, 43. 
 
 Epitaphial inscriptions, 56. 
 
 Longfellow, 43. 
 
 Telegram anagrammatized, 56. 
 
 Macaulay, 44. 
 
 Bible, the, 103. 
 
 Macready, 43. 
 
 Accuracy of the Bible, 103. 
 
 Masonic memento, 47. 
 
 Bibliomancy, 126. 
 
 Monastic verse, 45. 
 
 Books belonging to, lost or un- 
 
 Napoleon family, 46. 
 
 known, 114. 
 
 7 
 
 1 853 
 
 1 
 
854 INDEX. 
 
 Bible, the, — 
 
 Churchyard Literature, — 
 
 Dissection of Old and New- 
 
 Cento, Page 601. 
 
 Testaments, Page 112. 
 
 Earth to earth, 612. 
 
 Distinctions in the gospels, 113. 
 
 Epitaph, historical, 578. 
 
 English Bible translations, 108. 
 
 on a chemist, 609, 
 
 Hexameters in the Bible, 115. 
 
 dog, Byron's, 614. 
 
 Misquotations from Scripture, 
 
 printer, 607. 
 
 123. 
 
 transcendental, 600. 
 
 Old and New Testament, names, 
 
 Epitaphs, aboriginal, 602. 
 
 125. 
 
 acrostical, 601. 
 
 Parallelism of the Hebrew 
 
 African, 602. 
 
 poetry, 116. 
 
 biographical, 578. 
 
 Parallel passages between 
 
 curious and puzzling, 596. 
 
 Shakspeare and the Bible, 119. 
 
 eulogistic, apt, appropriate, 
 
 Scriptural bull, 124. 
 
 570. 
 
 Scriptural sum, 126. 
 
 Greek, 603. 
 
 Selah, 114. 
 
 Hibernian, 602. 
 
 Similarity of sound, 118. 
 
 laudatory, 608. 
 
 Testimony of learned men, 106. 
 
 miscellaneous, 610. 
 
 True gentleman, the, 122. 
 
 moralizing and admonitory, 
 
 Wit and humor in the Bible, 
 
 581. 
 
 124. 
 
 on eminent men, 564. 
 
 Blunders, 259. 
 
 on infants and children, 575. 
 
 Blunders of translators, 263. 
 
 self-written, 580. 
 
 Mistakes of misapprehension, 
 
 unique and ludicrous, 583. 
 
 262. 
 
 Mortuary puns, 591. 
 
 Serial inconsistency, 262. 
 
 Parallels without a parallel, 600. 
 
 Slips of the press, 259. 
 
 Concatenation, or Chain Verse, 
 
 Slips of the telegraph, 261. 
 
 85. 
 
 Bouts Rimes, 88, 
 
 Lasphrise's novelties, 85. 
 
 Bogart's Impromptu, 89. 
 
 Ringing Song, 87. 
 
 Reversed rhyming ends, 90. 
 
 To Death, 86. 
 
 Cento, the, 73. 
 
 Truth, 86. 
 
 Biblical cento, 76. 
 
 Trying skying, 87. 
 
 Cento from Pope, 76. 
 
 Conformity of Sense to Sound, 554. 
 
 Life, 75. 
 
 Articulate imitation of inarticu- 
 
 Mosaic poetry, 73. 
 
 late sounds, 554. 
 
 Return of Israel, the, 77. 
 
 Imitation of difficulty and ease, 
 
 Chronograms, 57. 
 
 555. 
 
 Churchyard Literature, 564. 
 
 time and motion, 554. 
 
 Advertising notices, 583. 
 
 Curious Books, 720. 
 
 Antithesis extraordinary, 606. 
 
 Book-amateurs, 722. 
 
 Bathos, 600. 
 
 Most curious book in the world, 
 
 Brevity, 607. 
 
 722. 
 
INDEX. 
 
 855 
 
 Curious Books, — 
 
 Odd titles of old books, Page 720. 
 Silver book, 722. 
 
 Customs, Singular, 477. 
 
 Abyssinian beefsteaks, 478. 
 
 Beautiful superstition, 477. 
 
 Foundations of Druidical tem- 
 ples, 478. 
 
 Hair in seals, 481. 
 
 Higb life in the 15th century, 
 480. 
 
 Lion-catching in South Africa, 
 479. 
 
 Making noses, 479. 
 
 Matrimonial advertisement, 
 481. 
 
 Memento mori, 477. 
 
 Ostiak regard for boars, 478. 
 
 Scorning the church, 481. 
 
 Strange fondness for beauty ,477. 
 Ecclesiastics, 143. 
 
 Excessive civility, 143. 
 
 Bascom, eloquence of, 145. 
 
 Clerical blunders, 148. 
 
 Lord Bishop, the, 146. 
 
 Origin of texts, 147. 
 
 Preachers of Cromwell's time, 
 147. 
 
 Protestant excommunication, 
 149. 
 
 Proving an alibi, 148. 
 
 Sermon on malt, 144. 
 
 Short sermons, 143. 
 
 Whitefield and the sailors, 149. 
 
 Echo Verse, 281. 
 Acoustics, extraordinary facts 
 
 in, 289. 
 Bonaparte and echo, 286. 
 Critic's excuse, 287. 
 Echo answering, 287. 
 
 and the lover, 284. 
 
 on woman, 285. 
 Echoes, remarkable, 288. 
 Gospel echo, 283. 
 
 Echo Verse, — 
 London before the Restoration, 
 
 Page 282. 
 Pasquinade, 283. 
 Queen Elizabeth, 282. 
 Song by Addison, 283. 
 Synod of Dort, 287. 
 
 Emblematic Poetry, 92. 
 Altar inscription, 96. 
 Cross, the, 94. 
 Crucifixion, curious piece of 
 
 antiquity on, 95. 
 Cypher, ingenious, 96. 
 
 ss,ay to Miss Catharine Jay, 97. 
 Hindu triplet, 93. 
 Oxford joke, 96. 
 Rhomboidal dirge, 94 
 Typographical, 96. 
 Wine-glass, the, 93. 
 
 English Words and Forms op 
 
 Expression, 182. 
 Compound epithets, 211. 
 Dictionary English, 182. 
 Disraelian English, 184. 
 Eccentric etymologies, 195. 
 Excise, 189. 
 Forlorn hope, 193. 
 Influence of names, 209. 
 I say, 186. 
 Its, 185. 
 
 No love lost, etc., 193. 
 Not Americanisms, 191. 
 Nouns of multitude, 184. 
 Odd changes of signification, 
 
 205. 
 Our vernacular in Chaucer's 
 
 time, 211. 
 Path-ology, 186. 
 Pontiff, 190. 
 
 Pronunciation of ough, 186. 
 Quiz, 194. 
 Rough, 190. 
 
 Sources of the language, 183. 
 Tennyson's English, 194. 
 
856 INDEX. 
 
 
 English Words and Forms op 
 
 Epigrams, — 
 
 
 Expression, — 
 
 Law, after going to, Page 526. 
 
 
 That, Page 185. 
 
 Lawyer, on an ill-read, 520. 
 
 
 That mine adversary, 195. 
 
 Lover to his mistress, with a 
 
 
 Ye for the, 185. 
 
 , y mirror, 519. 
 
 
 Epigrams, 515. 
 
 Marriage a la mode, 526. 
 
 
 Affinities, 524. 
 
 Marriage of Webb & Gould, 526. 
 
 
 Apollo, in return for a sketch 
 
 Martial's, on Epigrams, 515. 
 
 
 of, 525. 
 
 Masculine, 525. 
 
 
 Author, to a living, 518. 
 
 Medical advice, 522. 
 
 
 Bed, to our, 517. 
 
 Mendax, 520. 
 
 
 Blades of the shears, 523. 
 
 Midas and modern statesmen, 
 
 
 Bonnets, 521. 
 
 515. 
 
 
 Butler's monument, 518. 
 
 Molly Aston, to, 516. 
 
 
 Campbell's album verse, 5*21. 
 
 One good turn deserves another, 
 
 
 Clock, the, 525. 
 
 520. 
 
 
 Commissary Goldie's brains, 
 
 One ignorant and arrogant, on, 
 
 
 519. 
 
 516. 
 
 
 Compliment, overdrawn, 518. 
 
 Pale lady with red-nosed hus- 
 
 
 Crier who could not cry, 524. 
 
 band, 517. 
 
 
 Dentist, definition of, 522. 
 
 Parson and butcher, 525. 
 
 
 Determination, a funny, 526. 
 
 Portmanteau, clergyman's, loss 
 
 
 Double vision utilized, 527. 
 
 of, 518. 
 
 
 Dum vivimus, vivamus, 516. 
 
 Queen Bess on Drake's ship, 
 
 
 D.D., on a certain, 521. 
 
 524. 
 
 
 Eternity, 518. 
 
 Queen, the frugal, 519. 
 
 
 Eve and the apple, 523. 
 
 Quid pro quo, 527. 
 
 
 Fell, 520. 
 
 Reception, a warm, 522. 
 
 
 Fiddler, on a bad, 521. 
 
 Reflection, a, 523. 
 
 
 Fool and poet, 516. 
 
 Rogers on Ward's speeches, 526. 
 
 
 Fools, abundance of, 527. 
 
 Same jawbone, 526. 
 
 
 Friend, to Dr. Robert, 516. 
 
 Selvaggi's distich to Milton, 
 
 
 Friend, to a capricious, 519. 
 
 517. 
 
 
 Friend in distress, 522. 
 
 Amplification, by Dryden, 
 
 
 German tourist, suggested by a, 
 
 517. 
 
 
 518. 
 
 Simplicity, prudent, 522. 
 
 
 Giving and taking, 519. 
 
 Sleep, inscrip+ion on a statue of, 
 
 
 Goodenough, 523. 
 
 516. 
 
 
 Hog vs. Bacon, 522. 
 
 Snow, that melted on a lady's 
 
 
 Hot corn, 521. 
 
 breast, 517. 
 
 
 Impersonal, 524. 
 
 Songsters, bad, 520. 
 
 
 Invisible, 524. 
 
 Terminer sans oyer, 527. 
 
 
 Lady who married a footman, 
 
 To , 519. 
 
 
 521. 
 
 Wellington's nose, 520. 
 
 
 Late repentance, 517. 
 
 What might have been, 523. 
 
 
INDEX. 857 
 
 Epigrams, — 
 
 Fabrications, — 
 
 Widows, Page 525. 
 
 Description of the Saviour's 
 
 Woman, — contra, 527. 
 
 person, Page 269. 
 
 pro, 527. 
 
 Franklin's parable, 275. 
 
 Woman's will, 520. 
 
 Hoax on Walter Scott, 269. 
 
 World, the, 527. 
 
 Ireland's forgeries, 276. 
 
 
 Literary sell, 271. 
 
 Equivoque, 64. 
 
 Moon hoax, 270. 
 
 Age of French actresses, 71. 
 
 Mrs. Hemans's forgeries, 271. 
 
 Double-faced creed, 66. 
 
 Sheridan's Greek, 273. 
 
 Fatal double meaning, 68. 
 
 
 Handwriting on the wall, 71. 
 
 Familiar Quotations from Un- 
 
 Houses of Stuart and Hanover, 
 
 familiar Sources, 556. 
 
 68. 
 
 Fancies of Fact, the, 406. 
 
 Ingenious subterfuge, 65. 
 
 Aerolites, 443. 
 
 Love-letter, 65. 
 
 Alligators swallowing stones, 
 
 Loyalty or Jacobinism, 69. 
 
 418. 
 
 Neat evasion, 70. 
 
 America's discoverers, fate of, 
 
 New Regime, 68. 
 
 445. 
 
 Patriotic toast, 70. 
 
 Amount of gold in the world, 
 
 Revolutionary verses, 67. 
 
 423. 
 
 Richelieu's letter to the French 
 ambassador, 64. 
 
 Antipathies, 471. 
 Army of women, 446. 
 
 Triple platform, 61. 
 
 Auditoriums of last century, 
 
 Facetiae, 482. 
 
 409. 
 
 Association of ideas, 491. 
 
 Back action, 408. 
 
 Brevity, 484. 
 
 Beer-casks, capacious, 425. 
 
 False friend, a, 488. 
 
 Bills for strange services, 407. 
 
 Gasconade and hoaxing, 489. 
 
 Black hole at Calcutta, 427. 
 
 Jack Robinson, 492. 
 
 Broken heart, a, 467. 
 
 Jests of Hierocles, 482. 
 
 Chick in the egg, 416. 
 
 Mathews and the silver spoon, 
 
 Cloth -manufacture, celerity of, 
 
 489. 
 
 421. 
 
 Old Nick, 488. 
 
 Coincidences, singular, 412. 
 
 P. and Q., 491. . 
 
 Colors, diversity of, 442. 
 
 Relics, 490. 
 
 Composition in dreams, 455. 
 
 Royal quandary, 490. 
 
 Cross, true form of the, 409. 
 
 Russian jester and his jokes, 
 
 Crown of England, 446. 
 
 492. 
 
 Crude value vs. industrial value, 
 
 Same joke diversified, 486. 
 
 422. 
 
 Syllogism, 488. 
 
 Devonshire superstition, 475. 
 
 Titles for library-door, 482. 
 
 Diameter to circumference, 
 
 
 ratio of, 431. 
 
 Fabrications, 269. 
 
 Difference between English 
 
 Ballad literature, 274. 
 
 poets, 426. 
 
 n 
 
 5* 
 
858 INDEX. 
 
 Fancies op Fact the, — 
 
 Fancies of Fact, the, — 
 
 Diplomatic costume, Page 448. 
 
 Silent compliment, Page 434. 
 
 Equestrian expeditions, re- 
 
 Skull that had a tongue, 475. 
 
 markable, 419. 
 
 Sleep, facts about, 456. 
 
 Facial expression, 466. 
 
 Solomon's temple, cost of, 435. 
 
 Fear, effects of, 465. 
 
 Star in the East, 447. 
 
 Feline clocks, 474. 
 
 Stone barometer, 428. 
 
 Heaven, dimensions of, 435, 
 
 Strychnia, bitterness of, 428. 
 
 Horse, wonderful, 420. 
 
 Sympathy, strange instance of, 
 
 Indian and his tamea snake, 
 
 473. 
 
 417. 
 
 Taste, singular change of, 429. 
 
 Innate appetite, 417. 
 
 Walking blindfolded, 473. 
 
 Kaleidoscope, changes of, 441. 
 
 Wine at two millions a bottle, 
 
 Law logic, 407. 
 
 425. 
 
 Lock, wonderful, 421, 
 
 Wounds of Julius Caesar, 406. 
 
 Longevity, instances of remark- 
 able, 449. 
 
 Flashes of Repartee, 495. 
 
 Marriage vow, 455. 
 
 HlBERNIANA, 252. 
 
 Mathematical prodigies, 432. 
 
 Historical Memoranda, 782. 
 
 Means of recognition, 454. 
 
 American monarchy, 786. 
 
 Melrose by sunlight, 408. 
 
 Amy Robsart, 808. 
 
 Memory extraordinary, 433. 
 
 Annie Laurie, 804. 
 
 Minute mechanism, 430. 
 
 Biter bit, 818. 
 
 Need of Providence, 434. 
 
 Blucher, 794. 
 
 Noah's ark and the Great Eas- 
 
 Contemporary criticism, 798. 
 
 tern, 442. 
 
 Discovery of America, 803. 
 
 Number nine, 441. 
 
 Empire (the) is peace, 794. 
 
 seven, 436. 
 
 First blood of the Revolution, 
 
 three, 440, 
 
 782. 
 
 Opium and East Indian hemp, • 
 
 Flight of Eugenie, 789. 
 
 461. 
 
 French tricolor, 788. 
 
 Painters, blunders of, 429. 
 
 Great events from little causes, 
 
 Perils of precocity, 427. 
 
 800. 
 
 Presidents, facts about the, 445. 
 
 History and fiction, 797. 
 
 Pithy prayer, 408. 
 
 Jefferson on Marie Antoinette, 
 
 Quantity and value, 422, 
 
 794. 
 
 Reciprocal conversion, 407. 
 
 Joan of Arc, 807. 
 
 Romans, immense wealth of the, 
 
 Last night of the Girondists, 
 
 424. 
 
 819. 
 
 Romantic highwayman, 476. 
 
 Mary Magdalene, the tra- 
 
 Salt as a luxury, 428. 
 
 ditional, 796. 
 
 Self-immolation, 434. 
 
 Mother Goose, 797. 
 
 Sensation and intelligence after 
 
 Mother of Charles, V., 795. 
 
 decapitation, 469. 
 
 Napoleon III., 793. 
 
 Sheep, habits of, 418. 
 
 Political gamut, 788. 
 
INDEX. 
 
 859 
 
 Historical Memoranda, — 
 
 Quaker malignants, Page 786. 
 
 Queen Elizabeth's ring, 822. 
 
 Robin Adair, 805. 
 
 Signing Declaration of Inde- 
 pendence, 802. 
 
 Star-spangled banner, 787. 
 
 Tea-party and tea-burning, 783. 
 
 Time of Le Grand Monarque, 815 
 
 United States Navy, 784. 
 
 William Tell, 810. 
 Historical Similitudes, 679. 
 
 Art stories, 689. 
 
 Ballads and legends, 690. 
 
 Battles, 697. 
 
 Bishop Hatto, 698. 
 
 Burial alive, 692. 
 
 Death prophecies, 696. 
 
 History repeating itself, 681. 
 
 Judgment of Solomon, 685. 
 
 Legend of Beth Gelert, 686. 
 
 Precedency, 685. 
 
 Refusal to separate from kin- 
 dred, 679. 
 
 Ring stories, 695. 
 
 Two statesmen, the, 683. 
 Humors of Versification, 230. 
 
 Bryant as a humorist, 235. 
 
 Curse of O'Kelly, 250. 
 
 Elegy on Buckland, 233. 
 
 Human ear, the, 238. 
 
 Lovers, the, 230. 
 
 Ologies, the, 244. 
 
 Receipt of a rare pipe, 236. 
 
 Reiterative vocal music, 248. 
 
 Reminiscence of Troy, 234. 
 
 Sir Tray, 240. 
 
 Song with variations, 231. 
 
 Stammering wife, 231. 
 
 Thoughts while rocking the 
 cradle, 232. 
 
 Variation humbug, 246. 
 I. H. S., 130. 
 
 Anticipatory use of the cross,135 
 
 Beautiful legend, 131. 
 
 I. H. S.— 
 
 Death-warrant of Jesus Christ, 
 Page 134. 
 
 De nomine Jesu, 130. 
 
 Description of the Saviour's 
 person, 133. 
 
 Double hexameter, 135. 
 
 Flower of Jesse, the, 131. 
 
 Persian apologue, 132. 
 Impromptus, 528. 
 Inscriptions, 615. 
 
 Beer-jug, inscription on, 621. 
 
 Bells, inscriptions on, 623. 
 
 Books, flyleaf inscriptions in,627 
 
 English inns in olden time, 622. 
 
 ^Bolian harp, inscription on, 633. 
 
 Francke's discovery, 636. 
 
 Golden mottoes, 636. 
 
 House inscriptions, 634. 
 
 Memorials, 635. 
 
 Motto on a clock, 631. 
 
 Posies from wedding-rings, 636. 
 
 Spring, inscription over, 633. 
 
 Sun-dial inscriptions, 632. 
 
 Tavern -signs, 615. 
 
 Watch-paper inscription, 631. 
 
 Wedding ring, Lady Grey's, 
 639. 
 
 Window-pane inscriptions, 622. 
 Interrupted Sentences, 277. 
 
 Life and Death, 826. 
 After, 850. 
 
 Beautiful thought, 848. 
 Bodies, preserved, 836. , 
 
 Bone not described by modern 
 
 anatomists, 832. 
 Charter, rhyming, 830. 
 Common heritage, the, 851. 
 Corpses, folly of embalming, 839. 
 Death's final conquest, 851. 
 Definitions, rhyming, 830. 
 Destiny, 849. 
 Dying words of distinguished 
 
 persons, 833. 
 
860 INDEX. 
 
 Life and Death, — 
 
 Lite rari ana, — 
 
 Earth, Page 830. 
 
 Punctuation, importance of, 
 
 Evening prayer, 848. 
 
 Page 738. 
 
 Fleur-de-lis, the, 843. 
 
 Shakspeare and typography, 744 
 
 Futurity, 847. 
 
 Shakspeare's heroines, 744. 
 
 Heart, the, 848. 
 
 Shakspeare's sonnets, 745. 
 
 Ill success in life, 847. 
 
 Stereotyped falsehoods of his- 
 
 Imprecatory epitaph, 843. 
 
 tory, 747. 
 
 Lawyers, nice questions for, 831. 
 
 Wit and humor, 751. 
 
 Life,beautiful illustrations of 826 
 
 Literati, 756. 
 
 Life's parting, 849. 
 
 Attainments of linguists, 756. 
 
 Living life over again, 829. 
 
 Culture and sacrifice, 761. 
 
 Mary, Queen of Scots, last 
 
 prayer of, 835. 
 Moral code, Dr. Franklin's, 828. 
 Plagues of Egypt, 843. 
 
 Dryden and his publisher, 762. 
 
 Literary oddities, 758. 
 Literary screw, 762. 
 
 Questions for discussion, 836. 
 
 Lord's Prayer, the, 136. 
 
 Remarkable trance, 835. 
 
 Acrostical paraphrase, 139. 
 
 Pound of life, the, 827. 
 
 Echoed, 141. 
 
 Rules of living, 828. 
 
 Gothic version, 136. 
 
 Story of long ago, 844. 
 
 Illustrated, 138. 
 
 Sympathy, 850. 
 
 This is not our home, 846. 
 
 In an acrostic, 142. 
 Metrical versions, 137. 
 
 Time, employment of, 829. 
 
 Spirit of the prayer, 136. 
 
 Tripod, the, 843. 
 
 Thy and us, 136. 
 
 Whimsical will, 843. 
 
 Macaronic Verse, 78. 
 
 LlTERARIANA, 723. 
 
 Am Rhein, 83. 
 
 Additional verses to Sweet 
 
 Cat and rats, 82. 
 
 Home, 746. 
 
 Contenti abeamus, 81. 
 
 "Anachronisms of Shakspeare, 
 
 Death of the sea serpent, 84. 
 
 742. 
 
 Fly-leaf scribbling, 82. 
 
 Books and studies, 755. 
 
 Maginn's alternations, 80. 
 
 Comfort for book lovers, 753. 
 
 Parting address to a friend, 83. 
 
 Conflicting testimony of eye- 
 
 Polyglot inscription, 83. 
 
 witnesses, 750. 
 
 Suitor with nine tongues, 80. 
 
 Gray's elegy, 729. 
 
 reatise of wine, 78. 
 
 Hamlet's age, 745. 
 
 Memoria Technica, 327. 
 
 Hamlet's insanity, 746. 
 
 Books of the old Testament, 327. 
 
 Heraldry, Indian, 741. 
 
 New Testament, 327. 
 
 Letters and their endings, 754. 
 
 Days in each month, 330. 
 
 Letters of Junius, 723. 
 
 Decalogue, the, 329. 
 
 Old paper, an, 753. 
 
 English sovereigns, 328. 
 
 Parting interview of Hector 
 
 Metrical Grammar, 330. [328. 
 
 and Andromache, 734. 
 
 Presidents of the United States, 
 
 Pope's versification, 737. , 
 
 Shakspeare's plays, 328 , 
 
INDEX. 861 
 
 Metric Prose, 223. 
 
 Nothing New Under the Sun, — 
 
 Cowper's letter to Newton, Page 
 
 Magnetictelegraph,foreshadow- 
 
 223. 
 
 ings of, Page 375. 
 
 Disraeli's Tale of Alvoy, 224. 
 
 Steam-power, first discoveries 
 
 Example in Irving's New York, 
 
 of, 378. 
 
 224. 
 
 Stereoscope, the, 393. 
 
 Involuntary versification in the 
 
 Table-moving and alphabet- 
 
 scriptures, 228. [229. 
 
 rapping, 391. 
 
 Johnson on involuntary metre, 
 
 Origin op Things Familiar, 331. 
 
 Kemble and Siddons, 229. 
 
 All Fools' day, 332. 
 
 Lincoln's second inaugural, 229. 
 
 American flag, 355. 
 
 Nelly's funeral, 225. 
 
 Bottled ale, 343. 
 
 Niagara, 227. 
 
 Blue stocking, 366. 
 
 Night, 227. 
 
 Brother Jonathan, 356. 
 
 Unintentional rhymes of pro- 
 
 Bumper, 340. 
 
 sers,228. 
 
 Cards, 336. 
 
 Misquotations, 266. 
 
 Cock fighting, 364. 
 
 
 Dollar-mark, 357. 
 
 Monosyllables, 98 % 
 
 Drinking healths, 346. 
 
 Power of short words, 102. 
 
 Dun, 340. 
 
 Moslem "Wisdom, 508. 
 
 Earliest newspapers, 372. 
 
 Alexandrian Library, the, 510. 
 
 Feather in one's cap, 346. 
 
 Mohammedan logic, 509. 
 
 First doctors, 368. 
 
 Shrewd decision of Ali, 508. 
 
 epigram, 371. 
 
 Turkish expedients, 510. 
 
 forged bank-note, 367. 
 
 Wisdom of Ali, 508. 
 
 piano-forte, 367. 
 
 
 prayer in Congress, 370. 
 
 Multum in Parvo, 823. 
 
 printing by steam, 373. 
 
 Name op God, the, 127. 
 
 reporters, 371. 
 
 God in Shakspeare, 128. 
 
 telegraphic message, 373. 
 
 Jehovah, 128. 
 
 thanksgiving proclamation, 
 
 . Orthography, 127. 
 Parsee, Jew, and Christian, 129. 
 
 368. 
 Flag of England, 365. 
 Foolscap paper, 366. 
 
 Nothing New under the Sun, 375. 
 
 Friction matches, 365. 
 
 Aerial navigation, 382. 
 
 Humbug, 340. 
 
 Anaesthesia, 383. 
 
 India-rubber, 364. 
 
 Attraction of gravitation, 390. 
 
 Kicking the bucket, 340. 
 
 Auscultation and Percussion, 
 
 La Marseillaise, 350. 
 
 392. 
 
 Mind your P's and Q's, 331. 
 
 Boomerang, the, 389. 
 
 News, 372. 
 
 Circulation of the blood, 382. 
 
 Nine tailors make a man, 346. 
 
 Discovery of America, predic- 
 
 Old Hundred, 349. 
 
 tions of, 393. 
 
 Order of the garter, 345. 
 
 Early invention of rifling, 390. 
 
 Over the left, 339. 
 
862 INDEX. 
 
 Origin of Things Familiar, — 
 
 Paronomasia, — 
 
 Pasquinades, Page 341. 
 
 Pungent chapter, Page 157. 
 
 Postpaid envelopes, 349. 
 
 Russian double entendre, 171. 
 
 Potato, the, 343. 
 
 Sheridan's compliment, 162. 
 
 Eoyal saying, 340. 
 
 Short road to wealth, 159. 
 
 Signature of the cross, 348. 
 
 Sonnet, 168. 
 
 Skedaddle, 366. 
 
 Sticky, 162. 
 
 Stockings, 344. 
 
 Swift's Latin puns, 169. 
 
 Sub rosa, 338. 
 
 Sydney Smith's pun, 160. 
 
 Tarring and feathering, 344. 
 
 Tom Moore, 161. 
 
 Turkish crescent, 348. 
 
 To my nose, 163. 
 
 Turncoat, 364. 
 
 Top and bottom, 161. 
 
 Uncle Sam, 357. 
 
 Unconscious puns, 171. 
 
 Various inventions and cus- 
 
 Vegetable girl, the, 164. 
 
 toms, 358. 
 
 "Whiskers vs. razor, 162. 
 
 Viz., 347. 
 
 Winter, 160. 
 
 Word Book, 346. 
 
 Women, 162. 
 
 Yankee Doodle, 353. 
 
 Jeux de Mots, 175. 
 
 0. S. and N. S., 325. 
 
 Anagrammatic, 175. 
 Iterative, 175. 
 
 Gregorian calendar, 325. 
 
 Bees of the Bible, 179. 
 
 Eesults of change in style, 326. 
 
 Catalectic monody, ljf7. 
 
 Palindromes, 59. 
 
 Crooked Coincidences, 181. 
 
 
 Fair letter, 176. 
 
 Parallel Passages, 640. 
 
 Franklin's Re's, 179. 
 
 Historical similitudes, 679. 
 
 November, 178. 
 
 Shaksperean Resemblances, 677 
 
 On the death of Kildare, 177. 
 
 Plagiarism of Charles Reade, 677 
 
 Schott and Willing, 177. 
 
 Paronomasia, 155. 
 
 Swarm of Bees, 179. 
 
 Ben, the sailor, 162. 
 
 Turn to the left, 177. 
 
 Book-larceny, 164. 
 
 Write written right, 177. 
 
 Classical puns and mottoes, 172. 
 
 Spiritual, 175. 
 
 Court-fool's pun on Laud, 181. 
 
 Persian Poetry excerrta from, 
 
 Dr. Johnson's pun, 160. 
 
 511. 
 
 Epitaph on an old horse, 165. 
 
 Beauty's prerogative, 511. 
 
 Erskine's toast, 160. 
 
 Broken hearts, 511. 
 
 Holmes on Achilles, 162. 
 
 Caliph and Satan, 513. 
 
 Grand scheme of emigration, 166 
 
 Double plot, 512. 
 
 Marionettes, 168. 
 
 Earth an illusion, 511. 
 
 Miss-nomers, the, 180. 
 
 Folly for one's self, 512. 
 
 Mottoes of English peerage, 174. 
 
 Fortune and worth, 511. 
 
 Old joke versified, 161. 
 
 From Mirtsa Schaffy, 512. 
 
 Perilous practice of punning, 167 
 
 Generous man, to a, 511. 
 
 Plaint of the old pauper, 163. 
 
 Heaven an echo of earth, 511. 
 
 Printer's epitaph, 161. 
 
 Impossibility, the, 512. 
 
INDEX. 863 
 
 
 Persian Poetry ,excerptafrom,-— 
 
 Prototypes, — 
 
 
 Moral atmosphere, a, Page 511. 
 
 Original Shylock, Page 705. 
 
 
 Proud humility, 512. 
 
 Pilgrim's Progress, original of, 
 
 
 Sober drunkenness, 512. 
 
 710. 
 
 
 Wine-drinker's metaphors, 512. 
 
 Plagiarism, great literary, 715. 
 
 
 "World's unappreciation,the, 513 
 
 Pope's bull against the comet,703 
 
 
 Personal Sketches and Anec- 
 
 Proverb misascribed to Defoe 713 
 
 
 dotes, 763. 
 
 Robinson Crusoe : who wrote it, 
 
 
 Andre 1 Major, 767. 
 
 712. 
 
 
 Andre and Arnold, 768. 
 
 'Scandinavian skull-cups, 714. 
 
 
 Bonaparte, name in Greek, 764. 
 
 Shakspeare said it first, 699. 
 
 
 personal appearance of, 765. 
 
 Swapping horses, 703. 
 
 
 Milton and Napoleon, 764. 
 
 Trade-unions, 704. 
 
 
 opinion of suicide, 765. 
 
 Use of language, 714. 
 
 
 Cromwell, Oliver, 776. 
 
 Wandering Jew, 716. 
 
 
 Elizabeth, Queen, 774. 
 
 Wooden nutmegs, 703. 
 
 
 Flamsteed, the astronomer, 769. 
 
 Puritan Peculiarities, 150. 
 
 
 Franklin's wife, 766. 
 
 Baptismal names, 150. 
 
 
 Lafayette's republicanism, 764. 
 
 Connecticut Blue Laws, extracts 
 
 
 Luther, 771. 
 
 from, 153. 
 
 
 Nelson's sang-froid, 769. 
 
 Punishments, 151. 
 
 
 Pope's skull, 779. 
 
 Similes, 151. [152. 
 
 
 Porson, 781. 
 
 Virginia penalties in old times, 
 
 
 Shakspeare's orthodoxy, 776. 
 
 Puzzles, 290. 
 
 
 Talleyrandiana, 780. 
 
 Bonapartean cypher, 292. 
 
 
 Washington's dignity, 763. 
 
 Book of riddles, 299. 
 
 
 Wickliffe's ashes, 779. 
 
 Canning's riddle, 294. 
 
 
 Prototypes, 69*9. 
 
 Case for the lawyers, 293 
 
 
 Air cushions, 702. 
 
 Chinese tea-song, 298. 
 
 
 Cat in the adage, 702. 
 
 Cowper's riddle, 294. 
 
 
 Charge of Light Brigade, 700. 
 
 Curiosities of cipher, 301. 
 
 
 Cinderella's slipper, 699. 
 
 Death and life, 298. 
 
 
 Consequential damages, 705. 
 
 Galileo's logograph, 297. 
 
 
 Cork-legs, 702. 
 
 Newton's riddle, 294. 
 
 
 Curtain lectures, 700. 
 
 Number of the beast, 297- 
 
 
 Excommunication, 706. 
 
 Persian riddles, 298. 
 
 
 Falls of Lanark, 706. 
 
 Prize enigma, 294. 
 
 
 Faust legends, 701. [707. 
 
 Prophetic distich, 296. 
 
 
 Franklin, Turgot's epigraph on, 
 
 Quincy's comparison, 295. 
 
 
 Know-Nothings, the, 709. 
 
 Rebus, the, 299. 
 
 
 Mecklenburg Declaration of 
 
 Bacon motto, 299. 
 
 
 Independence, 708. 
 
 French, 291. 
 
 
 Napoleon I., 706. 
 
 Singular intermarriages, 296. 
 
 
 Oldest proverb, 699. 
 
 What is it? 299. 
 
 
 Old ballads, 715. 
 
 Wilberforce's puzzle, 301. 
 
 

 864 INDEX. 
 
 
 
 Reason "Why, Page 310. 
 
 Tall Writing, — 
 
 
 
 Boston, 311. 
 
 Indignant letter, Page 219. 
 
 
 
 Cardinal's red hat, 312. 
 
 Intramural sestivation, 220, 
 
 
 
 Cutting off with a shilling, 312. 
 
 Mad poet, the, 216. 
 
 
 
 Genealogy, 313. 
 
 Newspaper eulogy, 218. 
 
 
 
 Huguenots, 311. 
 
 Ode to Spring, 221. 
 
 
 
 Juggler's mystery, 314. 
 
 Pristine proverbs for precocious 
 
 
 
 Roast beef of England, 313. 
 
 pupils, 222. 
 
 
 
 Royal demise, 311. 
 
 Spanish play-bill, 215. 
 
 
 
 Sensible quack, 313. 
 
 Transcendentalism, definition 
 
 
 
 Weathercocks, 312. 
 
 of, 212. 
 
 
 
 Why Germans eat sauer-kraut, 
 
 310. 
 Why Pennsylvania settled, 311. 
 Refractory Rhyming, 534. 
 
 Triumphs of Ingenuity, 395. 
 
 
 
 Choosing a king, 402. 
 Discovery of the planet Nep- 
 tune, 395. 
 
 
 
 Sexes the, 501. 
 
 Discovery of Vulcan, 396. 
 
 
 
 Female society, 505. 
 
 King John and the abbot, 403. 
 
 
 
 Happy woman, character of, 502 
 
 Lesson worth learning, 402. 
 
 
 
 Letter to a Bride, 507. 
 
 Stratagem of Columbus, 399. 
 
 
 
 My Mother, 506. 
 
 Valentines, 544. 
 
 
 
 Parallel of the sexes, 505. 
 
 Burns, verses of, 546. 
 
 
 
 Praise of women, 504. , 
 
 Cardiac effusion, 547. 
 
 
 
 Wife, — mistress, — lady, 505. 
 
 Colored man's valentine, 549. 
 
 
 
 Sonnets, 551. 
 
 Cryptographic correspondence, 
 
 
 • 
 
 Ave Maria, 553. 
 
 544. 
 
 
 
 Dyspepsia, 552. 
 
 Digby to Archabella, 548. 
 
 
 
 Humility, 553. 
 
 Egyptian serenade, 549. 
 
 
 
 In a fashionable church, 551. 
 
 Lover to his sweetheart, 547. 
 
 
 
 Nose, about a, 552. 
 
 Macaronic, 548. 
 
 
 
 Proxy saint, the, 552. 
 
 Macaulay's valentine, 545. 
 
 
 
 Writing a sonnet, 551. 
 
 Moore, verses of, 549. 
 
 
 
 Tall Writing, 212. 
 
 Strategic love-letter, 544. 
 
 
 
 Anatomist to his dulcinea, 221. 
 
 Teutonic alliteration, 546. 
 
 
 
 Borde's prologue, 215. 
 
 Written in sympathetic ink, 
 
 
 
 Burlesque of Dr. Johnson's 
 
 544. 
 
 
 
 style, 217. 
 Chemical valentine, 220. 
 
 Petitions, 550. 
 
 
 
 Maids and widows, the, 550. 
 
 
 
 Clear as mud, 218. 
 
 Maladroit appeal, 550. 
 
 
 
 Domicile erected by John, 212. 
 
 Weather- Wisdom, 317. ^ 
 
 
 
 Foote's farrago, 216. 
 
 Davy on weather-omens, 317. 
 
 
 
 From the Curiosities of Adver- 
 
 Sheridan's rhyming calendar, 
 
 
 
 tising, 213. 
 
 317. 
 
 
 
 From the Curiosities of the 
 
 Signs of the weather, 320. 
 
 
 
 Post-office, 214. 
 
 Unlucky days, 324. 
 
 
 u 
 
MY^ 2 1969 
 
 JUL 2 6 8 
 
 (H5067sl0)476