na
 
 FABLES OF EVERYDAY FOLKS 
 
 UNIT. OF CALIF. LIBRARY. LOS ANGELES
 
 Uniform ivith this Volume 
 
 EPIGRAMS OF EVE 
 
 BY SOPHIE IRENE LOEB 
 
 Decorations by RUBY LIND 
 
 WHAT EVE SAID 
 
 BY SOPHIE IRENE LOEB 
 Decorations by RUBY LIND 
 
 THE OPINION SHOP 
 
 BY HILDRIC DAVENPORT 
 
 Decorations by PJINRHYN STANLAWS 
 
 London: GAY & HANCOCK, LTD.
 
 AS TO LOVE-LETTERS. 
 Moral : " Do write and fear no man don't write and fear no woman.
 
 BY 
 
 SOPHIE IRENE LOEB 
 
 AUTHOR OF "WHAT EVE SAID" 
 
 WITH SUNDRY DECORATIONS 
 
 BY 
 
 RUBY LIND 
 
 LONDON 
 GAY AND HANCOCK, LIMITED 
 
 21 BEDFORD ROW, W.C.I 
 All Rightt Reserved
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 PAOE 
 
 THE MAN WITH A GRIEVANCE .... 9 
 
 THE MAN AND HIS WANT AD 13 
 
 THE PLAY-GOING JOY-KILLER .... 15 
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS BORN BUSY 18 
 
 THE " DIZZLE-DAZZLE " WOMAN ... 21 
 
 THE MAN WITH THE " COMPANY " SMILE . . 25 
 
 THE PERPETUAL PRUDE 28 
 
 THE PAMPERED CHILD 32 
 
 THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT 35 
 
 MAKING AN IMPRESSION 39 
 
 THE GRASS WIFE AND THE BACHELOR HUSBAND 42 
 
 SHOPPING FOR HEARTS 46 
 
 THE MISUNDERSTOOD HUSBAND ... 50 
 
 THE EVERLASTING SERVANT .... 54 
 THE WOMAN OF " NERVES " . . . .58 
 
 THE " GOOD FELLOW " 62 
 
 TTT 
 
 2130995
 
 Contents 
 
 PAGE 
 
 THE WOMAN WHO LIVED ON YESTERDAY . . 65 
 
 THE HUMAN SPONGE 68 
 
 THE STINGY FELLOW 71 
 
 THE "SAVING" WOMAN ..... 74 
 
 THE CARD LADY 77 
 
 THE STORY OF Two HOMES .... 80 
 As TO LOVE LETTERS . - *; . . . 83 
 THE " RESPECTED MAN " .... 86 
 MARY AND HER LITTLE LAMB .... 89 
 
 SUMMER LOVE 92 
 
 THE " CULTURE " CHILD . . . 95 
 HER GOLD-PLATED IDOL . . . . . 98 
 WHEN LOVE DIES A NATURAL DEATH _. . 101 
 THE MOTHER-IN-LAW . . . .105 
 
 THE MODERN CONQUEROR . . .108 
 THE SEEKER OF MYSTERY . . . in 
 THE " NEGLECTED " WIFE . . ... .114 
 THE STORY OF Two WOMEN . , - . . .118 
 THE IMPRESSIONABLE ONE .. . . . . 122 
 
 THE HUMAN HOUSE-FLY 126 
 
 "MAY AND DECEMBER" . V . . . 129 
 
 rn
 
 Contents 
 
 PAGB 
 
 THE SUMMER RESORT 132 
 
 THE CLIMBER 135 
 
 THE MAN WHO WROTE LETTERS . . . 139 
 
 THE MAN WHO FORGOT TO ADMIRE HIS WIFE . 142 
 
 [ 7 ]
 
 FABLES OF EVERYDAY 
 FOLKS 
 
 THE MAN WITH A GRIEVANCE 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a man with a 
 grievance. He loved his grievance. For he 
 hugged his grievance very close to him. 
 
 He also carried a little chip on his shoulder. 
 And woe to him who tipped it off ! 
 
 This man had a rosary which he said every 
 day. It went something like this : "I came 
 into this world and didn't ask to. I don't 
 know when I will leave it. That makes no 
 difference. But I am here, and somebody 
 is responsible for my being here. That does 
 make a difference. It is the world that is 
 responsible. I have a grievance against the 
 world. The world owes me a living. I want 
 it. It's coming to me." 
 
 Thus he chose the narrow little alley-ways 
 of life instead of the broad highway. 
 
 He did not see any sky, the stars, the 
 
 [ 9 ]
 
 The Man with a Grievance 
 
 trees. He lived in his narrow little sphere 
 waiting for the world to give him something. 
 
 His fellow creatures had no interest for him. 
 He was so wrapped up in himself and his 
 grievance. 
 
 But necessity, the mother of invention, 
 came along, and he realised that something 
 had to be done. 
 
 He had very little left but his grievance. 
 He was one of the DEAD LIVE men. But, as 
 Nature fashioned him the same as any other 
 man, she at least presented her first law to 
 him that of self-preservation so that even 
 his life, which he had considered he was not 
 responsible for, was dear to him. 
 
 In a word, where he had jogged along in 
 his own fashion, he came to know he had to 
 do something in that world in order to keep 
 himself for dear life. 
 
 In a word, to come right down to earth, he 
 had to find a job. 
 
 Now, contrary to the general belief, the 
 much-abused, bold, bad world will occa- 
 sionally give a seeker that which he seeks. 
 
 So this man was given a task. He found 
 around him many men. He took the job. 
 But he carried his grievance along with him, 
 and his little chip. 
 
 Now, in the work-a-day period there's 
 
 [ 10 ]
 
 The Man with a Grievance 
 
 no room for the grouch, and nobody cares 
 for anybody else's grievance. 
 
 So every time this man brought out his 
 particular brand he found his audience deaf 
 and dumb. 
 
 In other words, they gave him the cold 
 shoulder that sometimes knocked that same 
 little chip off his own shoulder. Then there 
 were a few minutes that were not pleasant. 
 
 Therefore, one Saturday night there was 
 a little slip in his pay envelope saying : 
 ' Your services are no longer required." 
 
 Then he hugged his grievance closer than 
 ever, and he put another mark on the debit 
 side of the ledger against the world. 
 
 He never turned the question around or 
 looked at the credit side of the ledger as to 
 what HE owed the world. 
 
 One day a beautiful creature came along. 
 And, to make a long story short, this man 
 looked longingly at her. For even a grouch 
 has his moments. 
 
 But when he spoke to her she answered : 
 
 " Go away ! You are not good to look 
 on. You are always at war with everything 
 about you. Your grievance would come 
 closer to you than I. You would think the 
 world owed ME a living too. It doesn't." 
 
 She went away. I do not know if another
 
 The Man with a Grievance 
 
 beautiful creature came his way or not. 
 Sometimes they do. 
 
 MORAL I THE WORLD IS A MIRROR THAT 
 REFLECTS JUST WHAT YOU GIVE IT. BUT THE 
 GROUCH WANTS IT TO MAGNIFY. 
 
 [ 12 ]
 
 THE MAN AND HIS WANT AD. 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a man who, 
 after due deliberation, thought he ought to 
 take unto himself a wife. 
 
 Now, this man had many IDEAS about what 
 a wife ought to be. He looked on women 
 as merely ACCESSORIES before and after facts. 
 He was a self-sufficient individual. 
 
 And being a self-sufficient man, he thought 
 that all he had to do to get a wife was to 
 ANNOUNCE the fact. 
 
 He reasoned that all women were like 
 bankrupts ready to go into the hands of 
 a receiver. Certainly getting a wife is an 
 EVERYDAY occurrence and a very EASY matter. 
 
 There are two kinds of wives a wife and 
 THE wife. 
 
 This man went a step further and, being 
 an egotist, sought THE ONE wife that is, 
 she who must answer EVERY ONE of his afore- 
 said ideas. 
 
 Therefore when he was ready he pro- 
 ceeded to advertise thus : 
 
 ' Wanted : Woman for general house- 
 work. One who can cook, sew, attend to 
 
 [ 13 ]
 
 The Man and his Want Ad. 
 
 children, play the piano, cut grass, and in 
 fact make herself generally useful. She must 
 be affectionate, kind, and show no temper 
 under any circumstances. Also she must be 
 sober, industrious, and quite satisfied to settle 
 down and give up all former so-called frivo- 
 lous things. Further, she must love, honour 
 and obey me. For this I am willing to pay 
 good wages that is, she can bear my name 
 and be my wife. Age between twenty and 
 thirty. None other need apply." 
 
 Now, this was a very complete adver- 
 tisement. It left NOTHING unsaid. 
 
 But it was just one sentence of four words 
 that made it TOO good NONE OTHER NEED 
 APPLY. 
 
 And in the course of human events it came 
 about that many were called but not one 
 was chosen. 
 
 For not one applied. 
 
 The Ad. was continuous, unchanged. He 
 wanted MUCH, but offered little. 
 
 MORAL : HE WHO FISHES FOR A BIG CATCH 
 SHOULD HAVE ELUSIVE BAIT !
 
 THE PLAY-GOING JOY-KILLER 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a man who went 
 to the theatre. It was a habit with him. 
 In fact it was such a habit that he usually 
 went twice to see the same play. 
 
 The first time he went alone. The second 
 time he took his mother or sister or cousin 
 or his aunt. 
 
 The first time he went to the play nobody 
 noticed him. But the second time every- 
 body did. 
 
 At least everybody in the same row or 
 those sitting back of him. In fact he made 
 you notice him. You couldn't help it. He 
 knew everything that was coming. And you 
 knew it too whether you wanted to or not. 
 
 First of all he told his mother or his sister 
 or his cousin or his aunt all about every 
 member in the cast before the curtain went 
 up ; how they would come on in the first 
 act, and what was going to happen. 
 
 There was absolutely nothing left to the 
 imagination. You had the whole first act 
 before the orchestra had ceased playing. 
 
 After the curtain went up there were one
 
 The Play-going Joy-killer 
 
 or two things he had forgotten to mention 
 which he proceeded to mention, and you did 
 not hear the lines of the first speaker at all. 
 
 But of course that did not matter very 
 much. 
 
 He went on to tell how the fellow in the 
 foreground who appeared to be a gentleman 
 was going to be the real blackguard in the 
 last act. 
 
 And how the pretty little girl who just 
 came on had played in another play last 
 winter which the mother or the sister or the 
 cousin or the aunt had seen. 
 
 Whereupon there ensued an argument 
 whether she had or she hadn't. 
 
 And during all this you tried to get the gist 
 of the show, unconsciously keeping in mind 
 what you knew was according to the forecaster 
 in front of you. 
 
 Between the first and second acts you 
 could not help overhearing all that was to 
 come in the second act. 
 
 And, as before, when the play was in pro- 
 gress there was more continuous enlighten- 
 ment, He was the continual shadow before 
 every event. He had the weather man 
 beaten by a summer and a winter. He was 
 the unwelcome harbinger. He foreshadowed 
 every show, until you were wondering if you 
 
 [ 16 ]
 
 The Play-going Joy-killer 
 
 had come to a new form of a " personally 
 conducted " theatrical performance; 
 
 Also, which was the worse the former 
 trials and tribulations of the big hat nuisance 
 or this ? And of the two evils you would 
 choose the lesser the big hat. 
 
 You wondered if the day would ever come 
 when you could, in a similar manner, accord- 
 ing to law, call an usher and have this nuisance 
 removed. 
 
 But everything comes to him who waits. 
 And there's something coming to the ever- 
 lasting prognosticator. 
 
 MORAL : PROGNOSTICATORS NEVER HEAR 
 ANY GOOD OF THEMSELVES. SMALL REWARD 
 COMES TO HIM WHO FORESHADOWS EVENTS. 
 
 [ 17 1
 
 THE MAN WHO WAS BORN BUSY 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a busy man. 
 In fact he was BORN busy. 
 
 He never sought any pleasures or recrea- 
 tions. He had " no time." When any one 
 asked him to STOP a little and join in with a 
 bit of merry-making it was always the same 
 old cry " I'm too busy." 
 
 It became a disease. 
 
 Once, in the course of business, he thought 
 it would be no bad business to take unto 
 himself a wife. 
 
 It is a way busy men have sometimes. 
 He got busy on that ; and, to make a long 
 story short, SUCCEEDED. 
 
 Now, the woman in the case knew he was 
 a busy man and accepted him accordingly. 
 But there were one or two things she had 
 NOT reckoned with. 
 
 She was continually making ALLOWANCES. 
 She had heard much pro and con about 
 " How to keep a husband." For was he not 
 keeping her ? 
 
 If any feeling of rebellion arose in her 
 woman's heart she tried to quiet it with the 
 
 [ 18 ]
 
 The Man who was Born Busy 
 
 everlasting "He is such a busy man. I 
 should have no COMPLAINT." 
 
 Many times she would longingly see Mrs. 
 Neighbour across the street go oft with her 
 husband for a bit of fun, while SHE sat by 
 the fireside WAITING for John to come home 
 from the stockholders' meeting. 
 
 And the days were not so much varied 
 by even a bunch of violets. 
 
 She grew tired and listless and wan, and 
 remained in a certain rut. She became a 
 little gray woman. 
 
 At the close of one day, his partner's wife 
 came into the office on a joyous errand bent 
 with her husband. Her eyes sparkled with 
 
 ANTICIPATION. 
 
 He saw a woman BEAUTIFUL. She was 
 LIVING ! 
 
 He stopped being busy for a minute. He 
 began to think. 
 
 That evening when he came home he said 
 to his wife : 
 
 " Why are you gray and not like my part- 
 ner's wife ? He makes no more than I do." 
 
 She merely said : 
 
 " You are so busy, John. Look in the 
 mirror. I am but a REFLECTION of 
 YOURSELF." 
 
 Then he wondered why he was so busy. 
 
 [ 19 ]
 
 The Man who was Born Busy 
 
 What was it all about ? What was it getting 
 him ? 
 
 He had gone on the old theory of saying 
 nothing and sawing wood. And in the vague 
 recesses of his brain the pleasure time was 
 put off until TO-MORROW. 
 
 Perhaps he stopped to reason IN TIME 
 I do not know 
 
 However, the man who " says nothing 
 and saws wood " may get a wood pile all 
 right, but sometimes he does not live to see 
 the timbers BURN. 
 
 Besides, there is the other half in the case. 
 
 MORAL : A LITTLE PLEASURE NOW AND 
 THEN IS RELISHED BY THE BEST OF WIVES. 
 
 [ 20 ]
 
 THE " DIZZLE-DAZZLE " WOMAN 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a woman who 
 wanted to dazzle. She craved the limelights. 
 She wanted to be a REAL SHINE and send forth 
 SPARKLES. 
 
 There are several kinds of shines. Real 
 sunshine, and the kind that soars that way. 
 Hers was of the uppish variety. She wanted 
 the moon. It was the result of the disease 
 
 MONEYITIS. 
 
 Thus she started to cast her little rays. 
 The first requisite in the shine business is to 
 throw filthy lucre AWAY. 
 
 So she began. On account of this, she 
 qualified for the ring of the ENTERTAINING 
 game. It is a GREAT game. 
 
 The days were filled with SCHEMES to 
 not only shine but OUTSHINE. Educated 
 monkeys were brought forth for the spectator, 
 and Darwin proved his theory. The highest - 
 priced SHIMMERING songbird warbled her 
 lay and afterward closed her lily-white hand 
 over the greenbacks that led her across the 
 water. 
 
 The most indigestible GLEAMING contrivance 
 
 [ 21 ]
 
 The " Dizzle-Dazzle " Woman 
 
 was found on her GLISTENING board. The 
 latest STAR in the twinkling firmament of 
 actor-land was in the foreground of her stage 
 setting. 
 
 All was GLITTER amid gibble-gabble-gobble- 
 git. Curiosity seekers thronged her portals, 
 ate her food, REVELLED in her shine parties, 
 and went away with, " What a BRILLIANT 
 party " expression. 
 
 " Ah," thought she, " am I not a sparkler ? 
 How Mrs. Brass across the street must ENVY 
 me!" 
 
 Then she took on AIRS. 
 
 When people take on airs it usually means 
 one of two things. It is either compressed 
 air or hot air. Either they have TEMPERA- 
 MENT (whatever that is) or they are POSERS. 
 The shine woman wasn't born irritable enough 
 for " temperament," therefore she posed. 
 
 In order to pose, one must belong to a 
 bridge club, a poker club, a philanthropic 
 club, a suffrage association, etc. 
 
 So that through peculiar squirmings this 
 glow-worm woman began her apprenticeship. 
 Heavens ! Wasn't she GRAND ? 
 
 She spoke of Mary Smiley, her chum of y* 
 olden day, with whom she went to school 
 before the sparkling process set in, as " really 
 quite out of her class and belonging to the 
 
 [ 22 ]
 
 The "Dizzle-Dazzle" Woman 
 
 common people." Mary, by the way, was 
 in the seething centre of things, side by side 
 with LIVE SOULS and accumulating the only 
 POLISH that won't come off, because it covers 
 the unpretentious ROUGH DIAMOND. 
 
 But how could the shine woman know 
 that ? So she surged on in the seething slush. 
 During the posing stage the money gobblers 
 were her chief counsellors and advisers. 
 
 One told her she was BEAUTIFUL, that she 
 had marvellous LITERARY talents. And an- 
 other that she had a Melba VOICE. She 
 drank it all in and marvelled how WONDERFUL 
 she was. She sought only the things that 
 would advance her seeming radiance a ray 
 
 HIGHER. 
 
 The cry of the real earth-people was lost 
 in her jewel-bedecked ear. Little children 
 were swept aside as SHE passed by. 
 
 She became hard, cold, IMPASSIVE. To 
 shine or not to shine brighter than her neigh- 
 bour ah, THAT was the question, indeed ! 
 
 But one fashionable Thursday she awoke 
 to find that ANOTHER sun had arisen in the 
 camp. For you know the shine people are 
 only campers. When the torrents descend 
 they must fold their tents like the Arabs 
 and silently steal away but not without a 
 
 STRUGGLE.
 
 The " Dizzle-Dazzle " Woman 
 
 So, to make a long story short, a lightning 
 BATTLE ensued, and the survival of the fittest 
 was designated by the one who could shine 
 the BRIGHTER. So our shine lady came to 
 realise that " to the victor belong the COILS." 
 
 At last she realised she was but a firefly 
 a firefly that can just get up enough power 
 to send forth a little sparkle now and then, 
 but which has, any one will tell you, no REAL 
 HEAT. 
 
 She saw that real suns shine only because 
 they CANNOT HELP IT. They give forth 
 WARMTH, for their innate forces are LIFE- 
 GIVING. 
 
 They ATTRACT without effort ; and all 
 radiates to THEM because they are REAL ! 
 They send out rays of joy, laughter and love 
 to warm into glow the LIVES about them. 
 
 MORAL : EVEN A GLOW-WORM WILL TURN.
 
 
 THE MAN WITH THE "COMPANY 1 
 SMILE 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a man. The 
 man had a family. He knew he had a family. 
 For, didn't HE have to pay bills and things ? 
 
 Now, this man managed to pay his bills 
 quite well. He was what they call a " good 
 provider." That is to say, he provided a 
 roof, some food and some clothes. In fact he 
 provided everything but a SMILE. 
 
 He went on the theory that, being BUR- 
 DENED with responsibility, if he smiled the 
 EFFECT of his burden might not reach those 
 about him. 
 
 So, when he came in at the door, mirth flew 
 out of the window. All was hushed in awe, 
 and there was some soft stepping. 
 
 The funny part of it all was that he knew 
 HOW to smile. But he left his LAST smile with 
 the last man seen at the office. 
 
 On his way home, if he chanced to meet 
 Mrs. Neighbour carrying a lot of bundles, 
 why, bless you, he smiled very affably ; and 
 graciously bore the parcels to her very door. 
 
 But on entering his OWN home the pleasan- 
 
 [ 25 ]
 
 The Man with the " Company " Smile 
 
 try had VANISHED. When company came 
 in the evening, he greeted them JOYOUSLY 
 and wore the " smile that would not come 
 off." He joined in all the merry-making 
 in truth was the LEADER. He made every- 
 body feel what a NICE man he was. And 
 the smile went away with them. 
 
 People would say of him : " Smith is the 
 nicest man 1 He seems so agreeable to 
 everybody. His wife must be the HAPPIEST 
 creature." 
 
 But as for her, she knew she KNEW. 
 
 Now, it came to pass that Smith met with 
 an accident. He could not " provide " for 
 a long time. But, somehow, the family 
 provided for him. The tables were turned. 
 But they did it CHEERFULLY. 
 
 Smith was surprised. Not only that, but 
 they ministered unto him. For he belonged 
 to them, even though he only smiled for 
 COMPANY. Then Smith woke up. He saw, 
 as in a looking-glass, that if he smiled the 
 world smiled back at him, but, as to his grief, 
 only THOSE CLOSE TO HIM might share it. 
 
 He wondered how he would have fared if 
 he had not had his own about him. Why, 
 indeed, he began to realise that they were 
 much more INTERESTING and worthy than 
 much of the company he had smiled at. 
 
 [ 26 J
 
 The Man with the " Company " Smile 
 
 He came to see that he had put himself 
 up on a pedestal around which they gently 
 tip- toed. 
 
 I do not know if it was too late for him to 
 come down or not. But it is a law of gravita- 
 tion that everything that goes up MUST come 
 down to earth and those close to earth. 
 
 MORAL : FROWN NOT AT HOME GROWN 
 PRODUCTS, FOR THEY WEATHER THE WINTER 
 BEST.
 
 THE PERPETUAL PRUDE 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a prude. 
 
 There are two kinds of prudes. There is 
 the strictly SELFISH prude and the strictly 
 unselfish prude. 
 
 The strictly selfish prude is one that is a 
 prude for HIMSELF only. You can keep 
 away from him and he is harmless. 
 
 The other kind is a prude who SHARES his 
 prudishness with every one who comes his way. 
 For a prude and his advice are easily parted. 
 He does not ALWAYS practise what he 
 preaches, however. But he preaches the 
 practice of " prudism." 
 
 The hero of this story, then, was of this 
 latter class. At least, all prudes THINK they 
 are heroes. But it doesn't take a hero to 
 make a prude. 
 
 Any one can AVOID temptations. But 
 he only is a hero who WITHSTANDS them. 
 This prude kept within his shell, so no tempta- 
 tion ever came his way. 
 
 Therefore he thought he had the RIGHT 
 to reform the world at large. He did not 
 smoke or drink ; in fact, he had not any 
 
 [ 28 ]
 
 The Perpetual Prude 
 
 of the so-called vices that earth-bound spirits 
 are heir to. 
 
 He did not go to the theatre nor join in 
 a dance or frolic of ANY KIND. He believed 
 thoroughly in the old adage that " an ounce 
 of prevention is worth a pound of cure." 
 
 This is a very good old adage. But a 
 prude has all PREVENTION and no CURE. 
 Now, this would all be very well ; but he 
 wanted to prevent everybody and cure every- 
 body. 
 
 He was a walking sermon. His everlast- 
 ing cry was a continual " DON'T ! " And if 
 you did, woe to you ! In a word, he was a 
 sermonising soothsayer. 
 
 When he entered a room his sanctimonious 
 air crushed any spontaneous joy that had 
 permeated the atmosphere before he came. 
 
 His attitude was one of everlasting DIS- 
 APPROVAL. He threw a wet blanket on any- 
 thing that did not come within his set rules 
 and regulations, and made a cloak of that 
 blanket. 
 
 He was the death's head at every feast. 
 Everything was ALWAYS wrong. The world 
 was a terrible place. Nobody did JUST what 
 they ought to. 
 
 One day the prude met with a so-called 
 " good fellow " the kind of a man who goes 
 
 [ 29 ]
 
 The Perpetual Prude 
 
 along in a genial way, respecting everybody 
 else's virtues and vices with the live-and-let- 
 live attitude toward all men. Of course the 
 prude did not APPROVE of him. In truth, a 
 good fellow was something to be AVOIDED. 
 
 And it was not long before the good fellow 
 learned of the disapproval. For the prude 
 took good care to tell everybody else what 
 a BAD good fellow he was. 
 
 Now it came to pass, since the prude was 
 NEARLY human, that he met with a tempta- 
 tion, or rather the temptation met him. It 
 seemed alluring, inviting. 
 
 He became involved. He looked about 
 him terror-stricken. To whom could he turn 
 for aid ? To his brother prudes ? Mercy, 
 no ! That would be the last straw. For the 
 most important commandment for the prude 
 is the eleventh "Thou shalt not be found 
 out." 
 
 He did not know where to turn. Being a 
 prude, he could not fight it out alone. Dis- 
 closure meant disaster. Along came the good 
 fellow. 
 
 Being a good fellow, he had a ready helping 
 hand. The prude saw life through a DIF- 
 FERENT lens. The world looked BIGGER. 
 He had been living in a glass house and 
 throwing all the stones. 
 
 [ so ]
 
 The Perpetual Prude 
 
 He saw there was even " honour among 
 thieves/' and that the world isn't such a 
 bad place after all. 
 
 MORAL : ALL PREACHING AND NO PRACTICE 
 MAKES JACK A DULL PRUDE.
 
 THE PAMPERED CHILD 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a fond mother ; 
 which is the usual way with mothers. But 
 sometimes fond mothers have one propensity 
 coddling. 
 
 This mother had a daughter, whose name 
 was Elsie. She wanted to educate her, as 
 all fond mothers do. 
 
 There are two kinds of education. The 
 kind you achieve, and the kind you have 
 thrust upon you for no one was ever born 
 with it. 
 
 The child had it thrust upon her. She 
 just HAD to take piano lessons. 
 
 Therefore, when a thing is thrust upon 
 one, one assumes the air of martyrdom. Of 
 course Elsie had to practise. Most of the 
 practice period she was tired and grumpy 
 and dear md just couldn't even take care 
 of her own room. 
 
 Certainly, Mother excused her because the 
 dear child was " just so spiritual," etc. 
 
 She hated to sew. Mother attended to 
 all those things. 
 
 [ 32 ]
 
 THE WORLD IS A MIRROR THAT REFLECTS WHAT YOU GIVE IT. 
 BUT THE GROUCH WANTS IT TO MAGNIFY."
 
 The Pampered Child 
 
 Elsie grew weary of the eternal scales and 
 practising, practising, practising. 
 
 She thought she had a voice. A six- 
 dollar-an-hour vocal teacher said so. 
 
 Her artistic propensities began to soar. 
 And she began to vocalise. 
 
 The neighbours proceeded to move. 
 
 Elsie's father was a worthy member of 
 the church. Elsie began to sing in the choir. 
 All beginnings have an end. 
 
 According to Elsie the good church people 
 didn't " APPRECIATE classical music." 
 
 One glorious Sunday morning Elsie reached 
 for a high C and struck A snag, which resulted 
 in the G. B. 
 
 Then Mother thought that Elsie should be 
 " finished " abroad. Everybody else thought 
 so, too. 
 
 After talking it over with Father, who was 
 not so fond, and making him see with the fond 
 mother's eyes how with a little skimping and 
 saving well 
 
 No need to go into that. 
 
 Elsie was taken by the lily-white hand 
 and led across the water on a " personally 
 conducted tour." 
 
 This is not a long story. She came back 
 with a trunkful of notions and a line of talk 
 of the same goods. 
 
 c [ 33 ]
 
 The Pampered Child 
 
 We will pass by the trunk, but the line of 
 talk was something like this (after she had 
 been home a few days) : 
 
 " Dear me ! What a boresome life one 
 leads over here ! We are such a plebeian 
 people no caste whatever. We have ab- 
 solutely no art or literature. And one's 
 people does not understand one. Would 
 you believe it, the other day, just as I was in 
 the midst of some wonderful Greek mytho- 
 logy, Father interrupted me by asking me 
 if I had sewed that rip in my coat. Fancy 
 breaking into one's thought like that in the 
 development of one's better self." 
 
 But one day Father did more than break 
 in on the thoughts of one's better self. He 
 acted. 
 
 Just about twilight Father entered her 
 oriental den, and just as she was lisping poetry 
 to the Evening Star he spoke this-wise : 
 
 " I reckon you've had about enough educa- 
 tion. Just take off that new-fangled priest- 
 like robe with the snakes all over it and march 
 right downstairs and help your mother wash 
 those dishes ! I reckon a little less dreaming 
 and a little more doing will just about fit 
 your case." 
 
 MORAL : 'TIS A WISE PARENT THAT KNOWETH 
 A PAMPERED CHILD. 
 
 [ 34 ]
 
 THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a spirit. There 
 are two kinds of spirits the imaginary spirit 
 and the real spirit. 
 
 Oh, yes then there is the spirit that enters 
 into glasses and causes temperance talks. 
 But, as Kipling says, " that is another story." 
 The imaginary spirit is the one that people 
 assume without feeling it. But this is about 
 a real thing a Christmas spirit. 
 
 Now, men may come and men may go. 
 But THIS spirit goes on for ever. It is a kindly 
 spirit, and manifests itself in various ways, 
 but at ONE season of the year. 
 
 When it enters the hovel of the pauper 
 it transforms it into the palace of the peer. 
 
 It is a spirit of JOY. Little children are 
 not afraid of it in fact, they stretch out 
 their arms to it. Wives, husbands, mothers, 
 fathers, all WELCOME it generally. 
 
 In truth, sometimes it is such a welcome 
 guest that often the bountiful one gives up 
 ALL to it, and when it is gone finds his hands 
 EMPTY indeed. 
 
 He, in reality, gets TOO MUCH of it ; for the 
 
 [ 35 ]
 
 The Christmas Spirit 
 
 real Christmas spirit places little stress on 
 the MATERIAL thing, but rather on his own 
 spirit of it. 
 
 Now, this spirit is a jolly good fellow, and 
 longs to abide with EACH and all. Yet each 
 and all do not always want to abide with 
 
 HIM. 
 
 So it came to pass that in his natural 
 tendencies he tried to enter the soul of a 
 so-called grouch. He wanted him to thaw 
 out, or rather to give to others. 
 
 But a grouch and his own are not EASILY 
 parted. The grouch had a family, among 
 other things. 
 
 The family wanted to let the Christmas 
 spirit come in. The grouch saw only the 
 SORDID side of things, and could not encom- 
 pass any CHEERY spirit. But he hugged 
 the DREARY ones close to him. 
 
 On his way to and fro the grouch passed 
 many a shop window arrayed in silver and 
 white, with its numberless articles meant to 
 bear many a happy message to the recipient. 
 It all meant NOTHING to him. 
 
 In truth, though he saw them, he was 
 thinking of next summer's business harvest, 
 and the Christmas spirit was given the cold 
 shoulder. 
 
 The grouch would not even GRIN at him. 
 
 E 36 ]
 
 The Christmas Spirit 
 
 One day, while the Christmas spirit was 
 huddling very near and the grouch, as usual, 
 was poring over files and figures and things, 
 a message came bearing ill tidings. One of 
 his children was ill quite ill. 
 
 Now, as even grouches have FEELINGS, 
 this one hurried home. On his way he saw 
 many, many sturdy, rosy-cheeked ones in 
 jovial clamouring around the selfsame shop 
 windows ; and he thought of the little one 
 in bed at home. He thought much. 
 
 He wondered what was the Christmas 
 spirit, and if he had been neglectful in 
 SHUTTING IT OUT and letting only the 
 NECESSITIES creep in. 
 
 And when he came to the bedside of the 
 fever-tossed boy, murmuring about a tin 
 soldier he had longed for, the grouch SAW 
 the Christmas spirit trying to emerge from 
 the shadows he had placed around it. 
 
 It took hold of him. In a word, GRIEF 
 had shown him the VALUE of joy, and that 
 here, at this time, this should be a home of 
 mirth rather than a house of mournfulness. 
 
 It came to dawn on him that an OUNCE 
 of happiness is worth pounds of grim neces- 
 sity. At last he allowed the Christmas spirit 
 to enter and SHARED it with those about him. 
 
 The dormant energies of the little fellow 
 
 [ 37 ]
 
 The Christmas Spirit 
 
 became awakened and, contrary to the story 
 books, the Christmas spirit did NOT come too 
 late. 
 
 EVEN A GROUCH MUST TURN AT THE CHRIST- 
 MAS SPIRIT : 
 
 ONE TOUCH OF JOY MAKES THE WHOLE 
 FAMILY AKIN.
 
 MAKING AN IMPRESSION 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a girl. She had 
 one root in the make-up MAKING AN IM- 
 PRESSION. She was not the flower to be left 
 to blush unseen and waste its sweetness on 
 the desert air ; but rather the weed that was 
 always IN EVIDENCE. 
 
 Now, the scale in the life of the human 
 starts out in the key of B natural. But as it 
 goes on, it often changes into that of A sharp. 
 
 So it came about that this young woman 
 was always keyed up and on edge for the ONE 
 thing. She was conscious every minute of 
 the day, and continually saw herself as in a 
 looking-glass. 
 
 She dressed only for the one reason 
 to make an impression. This she accom- 
 plished many times, since dress, like actions, 
 speaks louder than words. Thus she did not 
 always make the impression she sought. 
 
 If she was going to meet some person, just 
 what she would say and how she would say 
 it was her greatest concern. Every speech 
 was STUDIED, every manner PRACTISED. If 
 
 [ 39 ]
 
 Making an Impression 
 
 her mirror could have spoken, what tales it 
 would have unfolded ! 
 
 Not once during the hours did she forget 
 HERSELF, nor did she want anybody else to 
 forget her. They didn't there why the im- 
 pression. 
 
 Now, as there are a few natural, unsuspect- 
 ing souls who judge people by themselves, 
 it came to pass occasionally that her REAL 
 intent was hidden in the OUTWARD impression. 
 
 On one of these occasions she met a man. 
 He was a very nice man. He had no pose. 
 He did not know the " impression woman," 
 but rather saw them as his mother's 
 sex. 
 
 He proved a good target for the impression 
 aim, even as you and I. For he thought her 
 " honour and faith and a sure intent (and 
 it wasn't the least what the lady meant.") 
 
 And as long as this little old world goes 
 around, this will be an E VERY-DAY occur- 
 rence. But on the other hand Nemesis is 
 always somewhere on the horizon. 
 
 To make a long fable short, the lady had 
 an UNGUARDED moment. For she was con- 
 tinually trying to make the impression that 
 would advance her a step in somebody's eyes. 
 
 So one day, when she was busy at her con- 
 tinuous occupation, the man saw her AS SHE 
 
 [ 4 ]1
 
 Making an Impression 
 
 REALLY WAS, right in the act of trying to 
 create that which HE KNEW she was not. 
 
 He did not lose faith at once. He waited. 
 Gradually he saw all around her and THROUGH 
 her. 
 
 In truth, he saw her as in her own looking- 
 glass. She tried to change his impression, 
 since this was her regular business. 
 
 But, I am sorry to say, to no purpose. 
 He went his way, which was the farthest 
 away from hers. 
 
 Then she reflected : " Oh, the toil we lost 
 and the spoil we lost and the excellent 
 things we planned belong to the woman who 
 didn't know why " but now she DID under- 
 stand. 
 
 For, in the words of Abraham Lincoln : 
 " You can't fool all the people all the time." 
 
 Thus, it is only the NATURAL woman who 
 has NOTHING to fear. She makes the EVER- 
 LASTING impression, and thus the impression 
 makes her. 
 
 MORAL : IN MAKING AN IMPRESSION, DO 
 NOT MAKE IT TOO DEEP, FOR IT CUTS THROUGH.
 
 THE GRASS WIFE AND THE BACHELOR 
 HUSBAND 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a husband. He 
 was a BACHELOR husband. O yes, of course 
 he had a wife. But she was a grass wife. 
 For these two go together. 
 
 What is a bachelor husband ? A bachelor 
 husband is one who continues his pre-nuptial 
 attitude AFTER he has agreed to " take this 
 woman." She WAS " taken in/' and rarely 
 came out. And of course then the CAUSE of 
 the grass wife. 
 
 That is to say, that having ventured and 
 won, the game being over, he returned to his 
 FORMER haunts. Strange to say, there are 
 some men who go on the theory that getting 
 married, like fishing, derives its satisfaction 
 from the nibbling of the bait rather than the 
 POSSESSION of the fish. 
 
 So, not long after having made the catch 
 he desired, and believing in the theory that 
 woman wants but little here below, he went 
 HIS WAY, the woman realising that she got 
 that little in her marriage with him. 
 
 He hunted up his erstwhile friends, to 
 
 [ 42 ]
 
 Grass Wife and Bachelor Husband 
 
 whom he had but recently given his last fare- 
 well bachelor dinner, and was AGAIN initiated 
 into their sacred circle. 
 
 Now, even though the hue and cry has not 
 yet been answered in that a married man 
 should wear a wedding ring, naturally he was 
 WELCOMED everywhere. And in these days, 
 when everybody is as busy as a boy killing 
 snakes keeping tabs on his own particular 
 brand of troubles, nobody asked any QUES- 
 TIONS. 
 
 He went about everywhere in true butterfly 
 fashion, thinking he had fulfilled HIS PART 
 in the scheme when he signed his name to 
 the bills of the household. 
 
 But the woman, having by ages of pre- 
 cedent been made to wear that little circle 
 of gold, with its consequent reminder that 
 she belonged to somebody, willy-nilly, and 
 that as yet the decrees of the sexes forbade 
 her doing the SAME as the man, for fear of 
 everlasting punishment on this earth of ours 
 and she of a nature not inclined to break 
 these unwritten laws became of necessity 
 a veritable Alice-sit-by-the-fire a grass wife. 
 
 Thus a grass wife, even though she is not 
 much attached to a man BEFORE marriage, 
 finds she is very much attached to him AFTER- 
 WARD. But even a welcome cricket at the 
 
 [ 43 ]
 
 Grass Wife and Bachelor Husband 
 
 hearthstone may change into a worm that 
 turns toward another. 
 
 It came about like this. The bachelor 
 husband had a bachelor friend. Once, when 
 there was no place else to go, he brought his 
 friend HOME with him to dinner. 
 
 The friend admired the china, the silver, 
 the new porch and the wife. It was plea- 
 sant, for he was TELLING her how much he 
 liked all these things, and he showed a sense 
 of APPRECIATION, which was a NEW kind of 
 a show for her. 
 
 He displayed a little interest in things that 
 seem trivial to man but mean MUCH to 
 woman. 
 
 Not long after, he invited her to go out 
 oh, no, not alone, no, no ! but with his sister 
 and him all, of course, according to PRO- 
 PRIETY (whatever that is) and she began 
 to look forward with pleasure to his calls. 
 
 Now, this is not an UNUSUAL fable. In 
 fact it is an everyday story. For even a grass 
 wife must have some springtime. 
 
 One day, when the bachelor husband came 
 home with the bachelor friend to dine, and 
 the conversation about this, that and the other 
 thing went merrily on between the two, it 
 dawned on him slowly but surely that he was 
 left clear OUT of it. 
 
 [ 44 ]
 
 Grass Wife and Bachelor Husband 
 
 He wondered how becomingly the rose- 
 coloured dress fitted the woman he called 
 wife. He wondered at the sparkle in her 
 eye and the pleasing SMILE she gave to the 
 OTHER man. 
 
 Now, to be brief, it was NOT too late. For 
 the grass wife was not so newly green but 
 that she recognised the earth-bound values 
 around the plot in which she wanted to grow. 
 And the love that had been planted in her 
 heart for him she had married was still 
 rooted, though not given much ATTENTION. 
 
 So that when the bachelor husband realised 
 the possibilities of the grass wife he became 
 the primeval man and wanted HIS OWN. 
 
 He saw that she was a woman as well as a 
 wife, and came to realise that two may play 
 at the SAME game. He willingly lost his 
 interest in his bachelor direction. 
 
 MORAL : DISTANCE LENDS ENCHANTMENT, 
 BUT NEARNESS WINS THE WOMAN. 
 
 [ 45 ]
 
 SHOPPING FOR HEARTS 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a woman. Now, 
 women dearly love to shop for VARIOUS things. 
 But this woman was continually shopping 
 for HEARTS. 
 
 Usually when a woman goes shopping 
 she does not PURCHASE anything. But this 
 woman DID. 
 
 She began very early. When, as quite a 
 wee girl, she wanted some little sweetmeat 
 she should not have had, she would plead 
 and flatter and beg until it was HERS. Then 
 so quickly as she had eaten her sweetmeats 
 she proceeded to FORGET the giver. 
 
 She was an attractive creature, and also 
 ATTRACTED accordingly. 
 
 Even at the schoolgirl age the boys vied 
 with each other in carrying her books and 
 giving her all the little ATTENTIONS due to 
 that age. 
 
 She tossed her pretty head and accepted 
 them all quite as a matter of COURSE. A 
 little later the mother Eve in her looked 
 about. And on her shopping tour she would 
 many times ask the question :
 
 Shopping for Hearts 
 
 " I wonder whom I will want ? " 
 
 And having singled out one or two or 
 three, she would immediately set about in 
 the bargaining business of hearts. Many a 
 gracious glance and a sympathetic speech 
 and a kindly consideration she DIRECTED 
 into the camp of those whom she sought. 
 
 Oh, the winning game is not a DIFFICULT 
 one, and there is the exception, NOT the rule, 
 that is really meant in the " female of the 
 species." 
 
 Well, as it happened, in the vernacular, 
 " they fell for it," and she had the heart. 
 But now that she had it, having secretly 
 sought it, she did not WANT it. 
 
 Sometimes it was not seared enough to 
 
 hurt too deeply, and again but that is 
 
 another fable. However, she grew a bit 
 older. 
 
 When birthdays came around now she 
 began to SUBTRACT instead of add, which is 
 no unusual way with our daughters of Eve. 
 Then she would say to herself : 
 
 " I wonder whom I shall have ? " 
 
 She would look about and wonder who 
 might be won. This time she was thinking 
 she would like a heart " for keeps." So she 
 CONTINUED her shopping expedition. 
 
 Occasionally she would find one that would 
 
 [ 47 ]
 
 Shopping for Hearts 
 
 seemingly meet with her approval, but when 
 he had arrived at the " Will you ? " stage, 
 another one loomed up in the middle distance 
 and she at once issued herself an exchange 
 cheque. 
 
 This happened very often; But she went 
 on. Many times when "he" thought that 
 here were " two hearts that beat as one," in 
 reality they beat as three. She went on the 
 theory that absence makes the heart grow 
 fonder for the NEW ONE. And so it con- 
 tinued. 
 
 One rainy morning she awoke to find that 
 her mirror reflected back a TIRED counte- 
 nance, having exerted many energies and life- 
 giving forces for what ? Mere CONQUESTS. 
 Shopping for MANY hearts and possessing 
 NONE. 
 
 She became a bit LONELY. Then she 
 began to wonder again. This time her query 
 was : 
 
 " I wonder who will have me ? " 
 
 She looked about again ; this time giving 
 close attention to her shopping, for it was 
 getting late and the storehouse for joyous 
 youthful love was CLOSING. 
 
 Finally she wandered over to the bargain 
 counter. But as woman loves remnants of 
 anything except a man, and even here the 
 
 [ 48 ]
 
 THE WIFE OF THE MAX WHO WAS BORN" BUSY.
 
 Shopping for Hearts 
 
 mixture had been much " picked over," she 
 began to realise that she had done TOO MUCH 
 shopping and not enough real PURCHASING. 
 
 She had given others much trouble, and 
 yet had even herself NOTHING to show for it. 
 The past was GONE. The future seemed to 
 hold only emptiness. It was not so EASY to 
 attract. 
 
 Now she came to understand the real need 
 of a heart that beats for a beloved one. One 
 usually does realise this need in the TWILIGHT 
 of things. 
 
 She wished she had not been so LAVISH 
 in her shopping. She began to think : 
 
 " Does nobody want me ? " 
 
 I imagine somebody DID come along. Yet 
 he was not chosen as he might have been of 
 yore. But it was late. 
 
 MORAL I IN SHOPPING FOR HEARTS BE SURE 
 TO PURCHASE ONE BEFORE CLOSING TIME. 
 
 [ 49 ]
 
 THE MISUNDERSTOOD HUSBAND 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a husband. He 
 was of the MISUNDERSTOOD variety. 
 
 He told you and me and all of us that he 
 was misunderstood. 
 
 That's how we knew it. Yet he made a 
 " secret " of it the kind of a secret that a 
 friend tells ANOTHER friend. 
 
 He had married his wife away back in the 
 EARLY days, when many a one might have 
 said " I knew you when " 
 
 Those early days when she took him for 
 better or for worse. The days when it was 
 mostly WORSE. The days when there wasn't 
 much to "go on " the days when with 
 difficulty she had kept the debit side of the 
 household ledger from running away with 
 the credit side. The days when NECESSITY 
 was really the mother of invention and the 
 mother-in-law of prevention. 
 
 For, many times she had to do WITHOUT 
 many things that might have been hers had 
 she married one of her OTHER suitors. But, 
 of course, HE did not think of THAT. That 
 was a thing of long ago. 
 
 [ 5o ]
 
 The Misunderstood Husband 
 
 The times when she bore his fancies and 
 foibles the times when she listened patiently 
 to ways and means of doing this, that and 
 the other thing for the ultimate means of 
 SUCCESS. And now when success had come, 
 to a certain degree (and she was largely re- 
 sponsible for it), things were a little DIFFER- 
 ENT. 
 
 He found other interests, new ideals (what- 
 ever that is), and she belonged somewhat to 
 the PAST the part of the past that was not 
 easy to forgive. And there, I am sorry to 
 say, is an ofttime human quality this not 
 forgiving the HELPER of our success. 
 
 So this man was for ever harping about 
 his wife not understanding him. He also 
 carried that sanctimonious, saint -like air of 
 DESPAIR. He wore the mask of SELF-PITY 
 until he imagined himself entirely too good 
 for anything or anybody in the wide, wide 
 world. 
 
 Indeed, he was a real martyr. " My wife 
 doesn't understand me," was his favourite 
 cry, and no greater joy did he have than 
 pouring into the ear of some one the daily 
 cross of his existence. 
 
 For, a misunderstood husband has the 
 SYMPATHY of all the widows and old maids, 
 while a misunderstood wife is looked upon
 
 The Misunderstood Husband 
 
 with SUSPICION (but fortunately there are 
 few of the latter). 
 
 One day the misunderstood husband forgot 
 his mental ailment in an affliction of the 
 body. That is to say, he became ill. It 
 was not a malady that kept him away from 
 folk. But he was not a so-called " well 
 man." He circulated among his friends as 
 usual, but, strange to say, they did not receive 
 him in the same CORDIAL way as they were 
 wont. 
 
 To them he had become " grouchy " 
 even the very ones to whom he had poured 
 out those maudlin, " misunderstood " mur- 
 murings rather AVOIDED him. 
 
 Secretly they called him a CRANK. Now, 
 he did not laugh with the world, and the 
 world WOULD NOT weep with him. 
 
 But the little woman, she UNDERSTOOD 
 she knew, she knew. She quietly did many 
 things for him, perfectly as a matter of course, 
 and only because she understood him only 
 TOO well. 
 
 She remembered his creature comforts and 
 the little wishes that he had had in all the 
 years. She did not overlook them now, but 
 she LOOKED OVER many other things. She 
 was the real survival in the game of the 
 
 FITTEST. 
 
 [ 52 ]
 
 The Misunderstood Husband 
 
 For she was taking the better with the 
 worse as none OTHER would. 
 
 So it came to pass that he awoke one 
 morning to find that even those who had 
 agreed with him that he was misunderstood 
 found it agreeable now to leave him SEVERELY 
 alone. 
 
 But he saw the one UNFAILING one. She 
 who had misunderstood him was right there 
 " on the job." Then a ray of appreciation 
 pierced his martyr-like attitude and a sense 
 of understanding came almost unconsciously. 
 
 He was sorry that it had not come earlier. 
 For those who had listened to him were as 
 the froth of the sea as compared to the under- 
 current of real STRENGTH. The froth disap- 
 peared, but the under-current went on from 
 the time it had first started. 
 
 MORAL : IF YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH 
 ABOUT THE MISUNDERSTOOD HUSBAND, ASK 
 THE UNDERSTANDING WIFE. 
 
 [ 53 1
 
 THE EVERLASTING SERVANT 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a servant. 
 There are good servants and bad servants 
 and indifferent servants. 
 
 But this servant was an EVERLASTING one. 
 This servant had answered the Want ad. that 
 no paper would have pages enough to print ! 
 Even the girl who could wash and iron and 
 cook, and, in fact, what good housekeepers 
 call " a jewel," could not COMPARE with her. 
 
 For a " jewel " is verily queen in her 
 realm. First of all, she does not say she will 
 take the place until all is stipulated as to her 
 wages, her Thursdays out and her Sundays 
 in, her Wednesday caller, etc. 
 
 And of course the family agrees to it all, 
 for isn't it getting a genuine PRECIOUS stone ? 
 Yet, the lady next door offers the jewel a 
 few more shekels then the week's notice. 
 
 But the servant I want to tell you about 
 was not engaged THAT way. She held her 
 position for LIFE. Her wages were not 
 PREARRANGED. She took the wages of work 
 and the wages of woe along with the only 
 compensation that is hers from the days of 
 mother Eve that of being a MOTHER. 
 
 [ 54 ]
 
 The Everlasting Servant 
 
 Many times was she blind to the finer 
 sensibilities of real living, clothing dire neces- 
 sities in saying words like : 
 
 " Dearie, you look so nice in your last 
 fall's hat. You just couldn't have another 
 that would suit as well." 
 
 And many other ways and means were 
 hers to smooth over this struggling-to-make- 
 ends-meet existence this being well versed 
 in the coin-stretching process. 
 
 Many times the ends did not meet well, 
 but she took up the thread of things and 
 SEWED ON. For in her heart of hearts hadn't 
 she those dear children ? And what else 
 mattered in the wide, wide world ? 
 
 Many times those children did not AP- 
 PRECIATE this REAL servant in the house. 
 Many times they did not know how she 
 interviewed the butcher and the baker and 
 the candlestick maker, which even a " jewel 
 of a servant " is not EXPECTED to do. 
 
 Then there was the time when the boy 
 lost his job. But, dear me, here was the 
 servant in the house to worry right WITH 
 him. Always, " misery loves company," 
 which this real servant in the house knows 
 so well. 
 
 Many times the boy did not stop to think 
 that he could get ANOTHER sweetheart, an- 
 
 [ 55 ]
 
 The Everlasting Servant 
 
 other wife, many sisters, but he can only 
 have ONE mother. 
 
 But he and the others took it all as a matter 
 of course, an everyday arrangement of things, 
 as many of us often do. 
 
 One day, as she was in the serving business, 
 she was called out of town to serve a sick re- 
 lative and had to be gone some time. 
 
 This was one of the first real vacations (?) 
 the mother had taken or rather had had thrust 
 upon her since the children had GROWN. 
 And, of course, as they had arrived at the age 
 where they should have taken care of THEM- 
 SELVES, she left them. 
 
 No need to tell of the several servants that 
 came to fill the want, but were found WANT- 
 ING in filling it. No need to tell of the many 
 trials and tribulations the family found in the 
 most TRIFLING every-hour action of events. 
 
 Where all had been as smooth as a placid 
 sea before was now turbulent. No one would 
 have dreamed that there were so many 
 LITTLE things needed in the curriculum of 
 smooth living. 
 
 They wondered how she had MANAGED it 
 all that nothing seemingly was left UNDONE. 
 It seemed as though the bottom had dropped 
 out of the bucket. 
 
 And the wail across the space was " Come 
 
 [ 56 ]
 
 The Everlasting Servant 
 
 back ! Oh, come back ! " And being the 
 everlasting servant, back she came. They 
 realised. Many caresses were directed to- 
 ward her that had never been there BEFORE. 
 But the little wise mother knew, and she was 
 glad even for the fall flowers. 
 
 MORAL : THE EVERLASTING SERVANT WANTS 
 THE DAILY BLOSSOM RATHER THAN THE 
 WEEKLY PAY ENVELOPE. 
 
 [ 57
 
 THE WOMAN OF "NERVES" 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a woman. She 
 had one popular refrain : " Getting on my 
 nerves ! " It was an everlasting refrain, for 
 it was a part of her every mood. 
 
 If the maid hums at her work the hum 
 seems to have struck the nerve chord and 
 she " just can't STAND IT another minute ! " 
 When the telephone bell rings, " It drives me 
 mad." 
 
 The colour of her friend's parlour " jars " 
 on her and she must tell her about it. 
 
 Little Johnnie comes in with a splinter 
 in his finger. " I'm so nervous." When 
 hubby can't come home to dinner, " Now 
 everything will be SPOILED. Men NEVER 
 care about the feelings of their wives just 
 simply brutes, that's all." 
 
 Oh, of course, in all truth it must be said 
 that the poor dear woman was terribly NEG- 
 LECTED. She had nothing to wear but beauti- 
 ful CLOTHES, nothing to eat but the choice 
 things from the market. No place to go 
 but theatres and parties and dinners and 
 things. No home to come to but a little 
 
 [ 58J]
 
 The Woman of " Nerves " 
 
 dream of a place. No one to help with the 
 work but two strong maids. No one to 
 cater for her EVERY WISH but a man with 
 a strong right arm and a wakeful brain. 
 
 Yet she whined her way through life. 
 Everybody seemed to be doing her WRONG. 
 
 Life was made a downy bed for her. But 
 there was always something wrong with the 
 down, and it got " on her nerves." 
 
 Now, all went along this groove until one 
 time the woman of nerves invited an old 
 school friend and her husband to come and 
 pay them a visit. 
 
 The school friend was a woman who hadn't 
 any " nerves." 
 
 She, too, had responsibilities. But, as 
 Stevenson says, " Responsibilities gravitate 
 to him who can shoulder them " and to 
 HER, too, bless you. 
 
 To make a long story short, the husband of 
 the nervous woman saw the DIFFERENCE. 
 Up to this time he had been absorbed with 
 the process of CATERING for the woman of 
 nerves. Now, he could not help seeing how 
 much more joyful life might have been under 
 DIFFERENT circumstances. 
 
 Many times he would tell the wife this, 
 that and the other splendid attribute of the 
 visitor. Oh, yes, quite impersonally. For 
 
 [ 59 ]
 
 The Woman of " Nerves " 
 
 he was thinking of the woman as a TYPE in 
 CONTRAST to the one whom he had promised 
 to honour and cherish until death did them 
 part. 
 
 Also she realised that the husband was 
 making the comparison, for even a woman of 
 nerves is not lacking in her intuitive qualities, 
 which is a heritage of all daughters of Eve. 
 
 Now even a woman of nerves does not 
 want a LOSING game. And she may rise to 
 the occasion of being " game " ere she lose. 
 
 So she went to her friend and said : 
 
 " Tell me : what is the secret of your happi- 
 ness ? " 
 
 And, being the friend in need and the friend 
 indeed, she answered something like this : 
 
 " Yes, my dear, it ISN'T fair. You'll have 
 to wake up SOME TIME. You know you can't 
 fool all the people ALL the time. For good- 
 ness* sake, sister, get it out of your system. 
 Your poor husband is probably always making 
 efforts to please you and make you COMFORT- 
 ABLE. Perchance he is GLAD of the business 
 meeting to be away from that harrowing 
 little voice of yours that is beginning to jar 
 on HIM. 
 
 " Take things as they COME. If duty calls, 
 OBEY. It is much EASIER. When things go 
 wrong, meet them. Forget to complain. 
 
 [ 60 ]
 
 The Woman of " Nerves" 
 
 Get a pill for your headache and keep it 
 a secret. Don't remember that you have 
 nerves. SING ! SMILE ! Have a real quarrel 
 if you must, and be done. But don't whine. 
 " The nervous system has a function. It 
 knows how to perform it. Give it a chance 
 and it will give YOU one. IN DOUBLE HARNESS, 
 
 WHEN NERVES COME IN AT THE DOOR, HAPPI- 
 NESS FLIES OUT OF THE WINDOW." 
 
 At last there was a dawn of realisation. 
 For she saw that things might slip away. 
 This did NOT get on her nerves, but her nerves 
 got to work on this. She made them act, 
 rather than re-act perhaps in good time. 
 
 MORAL : A HUSBAND WILL GO IF THE NER- 
 VOUS WOMAN GOES ON FOR EVER. 
 
 [ 6l ]
 
 "THE GOOD FELLOW 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a good fellow. 
 There are various kinds of good fellows. 
 Yet a real good fellow is one who never misses 
 an opportunity to be one. Neither does he 
 have to prove it. 
 
 However, a good fellow does not always 
 get the BEST of it. Many times a good fellow is 
 the host that is FORGOTTEN the morning after. 
 
 This good fellow had many friends, which 
 is one thing a good fellow is usually sure of. 
 But there are various standards of friendship. 
 
 This man was the good old RELIABLE kind. 
 He could be called upon in time of PROBLEMS 
 as well as of PLEASURE and not be found 
 wanting. 
 
 Above all the good fellow had a reverence 
 for his mother's sex. And, wherever he 
 could, he PROVED it. 
 
 One of his creeds in that direction was 
 worded by one Kipling, and went something 
 like this : 
 
 " And the brand of the dog is upon him by whom is the 
 
 secret revealed. 
 If she hath written a letter, delay not an instant, but burn 
 
 it; 
 
 [ 62 ]
 
 The Good Fellow " 
 
 Tear it to pieces, O fool, that the wind to its mate may 
 
 return it. 
 If there be trouble herward and a lie of the blackest can 
 
 clear, 
 Lie while thy lips can move, or a man is alive to hear." 
 
 Now, strange to say, the same man who 
 wrote those words later wrote " The Female 
 of the Species is More Deadly than the Male." 
 But the good fellow only believed the GOOD 
 thing. 
 
 So it came to pass in the everyday course 
 of events that, with his jovial goodness, 
 having been gracious to several women, he 
 met ONE to whom he was MORE gracious. 
 
 She KNEW he was a good fellow, and 
 accepted all his graciousness ACCORDINGLY. 
 But I am sorry to say, as it occasionally hap- 
 pens, she did many things ofttimes accredited 
 to women in making him believe that he was 
 the BEST fellow on earth. 
 
 Now, there is quite a difference between 
 being a GOOD fellow and being the BEST 
 fellow. Being worthy himself, he judged 
 others accordingly, and tried to live up to 
 being the best fellow. He TRUSTED her. 
 
 " And it was not the least what the lady 
 meant, but a ' good fellow ' must follow his 
 natural bent " which he did. He told her 
 many things many beautiful things. She 
 accepted ALL. 
 
 [ 63 ]
 
 The Good Fellow 
 
 But, as is no unusual circumstance, the 
 lady met ANOTHER good fellow in fact, a 
 better fellow (she thought), and he too was 
 made to believe HE was the best fellow. 
 
 So it happened that the first good fellow 
 was left out of it, as it were. He did not know 
 WHY. He thought HE was at fault. For 
 he did not believe that thing about the 
 " female of the species." 
 
 By several coincidences, to make a long 
 story short, the first good fellow saw himself 
 SUPPLANTED by the other good fellow. He 
 accepted it ; which was also his natural 
 bent, and held to his creed. 
 
 Yet, by some more coincidences, the second 
 good fellow saw the situation. He too ac- 
 cepted it. 
 
 The lady on the other hand would NOT 
 accept. She returned to the first, and wanted 
 to make him see that he was the best fellow. 
 But even a good fellow has feelings and, like 
 the worm, will turn. 
 
 He took his medicine and was not unkind 
 to the lady. No, he did not lose faith in the 
 sex ; but he SAW himself as one woman saw him 
 agoodfellowfortheTiMEBEiNG. Hereflected. 
 
 MORAL : EVEN A GOOD FELLOW OBJECTS 
 TO COMING IN LIKE A LION AND GOING OUT 
 LIKE A SHORN LAMB ! 
 
 [ 64 ]
 
 
 " THE DIZZAL-DAZZAL WOMAN."
 
 THE WOMAN WHO LIVED ON 
 YESTERDAY 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a woman. She 
 lived, moved and had her being on the joys 
 and sorrows that happened YESTERDAY. 
 
 There were no days like the " good old 
 days of long ago." It was a bad, wicked 
 world, and nothing much to look forward to. 
 
 The windows of her little parlour were al- 
 ways closed, the shades pulled down to shut 
 out any rays of Old Sol that might try to 
 enter. The piano was closed, and on top of 
 it were some dust-covered sheets of some 
 very, very old music which had not been 
 played for a LONG TIME. 
 
 On the walls were pictures of the dear 
 DEPARTED, with flags and crepe around them, 
 and there were several sheaves of wheat and 
 stuffed white doves, symbols of funerals that 
 had marked the END of things for some one. 
 
 The woman was always dressed in black, 
 and her attitude permeated an everlasting 
 atmosphere of mourning. 
 
 Now, strange to say, this woman had 
 around her some examples of the living and 
 
 ~^~ [ 65 ]
 
 The Woman who lived on Yesterday 
 
 breathing PRESENT. She had some children. 
 They wanted to be happy, for youth knows 
 no past. 
 
 But any mirthful or joyous intentions 
 on their part always received the cold water 
 of " Children of to-day are so different. 
 They do not ' mind' as they used to," etc. 
 
 She was continually telling them about the 
 wonderful things that came to pass when 
 SHE was a girl, and how things were different 
 NOW. The woman did not reckon that 
 youth, with all its exuberance, must MANIFEST 
 itself some way, somehow. 
 
 Certainly, she thought of their creature 
 comforts, the NECESSARY things. But their 
 great exercise of living the joys of play and 
 laughter and song they had to find ELSE- 
 WHERE, outside of their immediate precincts 
 which they did. 
 
 So they continued. They grew every day 
 AWAY from the woman. True, they loved 
 her. But it was the love of being POSSESSED 
 rather than that of possession. 
 
 That is, they knew they belonged to her, 
 but, in truth, she did not belong to THEM. 
 They did not share their little joys and sorrows 
 with her, for they realised somehow that she 
 lived in the PAST. 
 
 For she always kept it BEFORE them, until 
 
 t 66 ]
 
 The Woman who lived on Yesterday 
 
 instinctively they refrained from making her 
 a part of them. 
 
 One morning the woman awoke to the 
 realisation that the children had grown up, 
 and with them OTHER interests that she did 
 not SHARE. She also came to know that 
 soon perhaps too soon they would be away 
 from her ALTOGETHER. 
 
 And because she had not grown with them 
 they would live their own lives, and she her- 
 self would but figure in the PAST ONLY, to 
 them, for that reason. She thought much. 
 
 She pondered if this continuous living 
 on yesterday was life-giving. She began to 
 wonder if she had but lived more in the 
 PRESENT and the future, would she not, even 
 after they had left her, have been a part of 
 them and their lives ? 
 
 I do not know if it was too late for her to 
 dry her tears of the bygones and laugh with 
 the here and now. 
 
 But one thing she did understand at last 
 that nature NEVER dies. It is ever growing, 
 and its growing pains demand one elixir, 
 which is the moral of this fable. 
 
 MORAL I DECORATE THE LIVES OF THE 
 LIVING RATHER THAN THE MONUMENTS OF 
 THE MOURNED. 
 
 [ 67 ]
 
 THE HUMAN SPONGE 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a man. That 
 is, he was a descendant of Adam. Yet there 
 are one or two attributes that constitute the 
 manly man, which he had not been born 
 with, acquired or had thrust upon him. 
 
 But he had a few characteristics that were 
 his, seemingly, to have and to hold until 
 death did him part from them. They were 
 summed up in one word SPONGE. 
 
 What is a sponge ? Says the dictionary : 
 " Sponge : one who lives upon others ; para- 
 site." 
 
 " The body of the sponge," says Haeckel, 
 " is the truest form of universal embryo to 
 be found. All animal life seems to start 
 from about the SAME basis, and as things 
 progress they move off here and there in 
 different directions. Some fall victims to 
 arrested development, and become clams ; 
 others are LOBSTERS." 
 
 Thus in the process of life some evolve 
 more than others, according to that which 
 they reach out to GET and GIVE. 
 
 But this human sponge man, too, reached 
 
 [ 68 ]
 
 The Human Sponge 
 
 out to get all he could ; but gave NOTHING. 
 Oh, yes, he gave something his company 
 and his criticism. But therein lies the fable. 
 
 For instance, he was possessed of a little 
 income which some relative had left him, 
 and he was always complaining that it was 
 not BIG enough. He would be invited to a 
 musical evening, would go into raptures as 
 to the heavenly strains, the perfect technique, 
 etc., but would confide to a friend " how bored 
 he had been." 
 
 He could call on his lady acquaintances, 
 ENJOY their comfortable parlours, meet their 
 friends yet he would never think of inviting 
 THEM to an evening that HE might give. 
 
 He would spend a pleasant evening at a 
 little card party or a dance, engross the 
 ATTENTION of one particular young woman 
 perhaps for the whole evening ; yet at the 
 home-going time he would hurriedly bid his 
 hostess good-bye and depart ALONE per- 
 chance for fear of a cab fee. 
 
 Of course he could go on in this way, for 
 he knew how to protect the eleventh com- 
 mandment, " Thou shalt not be found out/' 
 which is an absorbing quality of the sponge. 
 
 One Society Thursday he went to a dinner 
 party, his hostess being a new acquaintance. 
 
 As usual, he departed quickly with his 
 
 [ 69 ]
 
 The Human Sponge 
 
 company and his CRITICISM. It wasn't kindly 
 criticism. But this time his criticism did not 
 fall on deaf ears. The eleventh command- 
 ment was broken. He was called to ACCOUNT 
 by the man to whom he made the criticism. 
 
 The credit side of the ledger stopped 
 figuring and he figured up very SMALL in the 
 process very small indeed. For once at 
 least he saw himself as OTHERS saw him. For 
 once he faced a MAN'S man. For man wants 
 but little here below, but wants that little 
 MANLY. 
 
 His name became lost on some of the 
 visiting lists. Perhaps he learned a lesson 
 and EVOLVED a point from the sponge stage. 
 
 MORAL : A HUMAN SPONGE MAY DEPART 
 WITH HIS COMPANY, BUT SHOULD KEEP HIS 
 CRITICISM.
 
 THE STINGY FELLOW 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a stingy fellow. 
 You know him. You have seen him OFTEN. 
 Dickens knew him very well. He called him 
 " Scrooge." 
 
 Some of us call him " tight-wad " others 
 of us, charitably inclined, call him " a little 
 close." But the fact remains he was STINGY. 
 No need to look up the dictionary for what 
 that means. Sometimes it is mean enough 
 to mean ANYTHING. (Pray pardon the pun.) 
 
 One beautiful moonlight Wednesday, while 
 out enjoying the FREE air, little Cupid came 
 along, aimed his arrow at him, and to make 
 a long story short he was in love. (Of 
 course, as far as the nature of a selfish, stingy 
 fellow is capable of loving.) 
 
 She was a very nice girl. For in the course 
 of human events opposite types are in the 
 HABIT of meeting. So it came to pass that 
 the choice of the stingy fellow fell on a big, 
 open-hearted, loving, charitable and kind 
 human. 
 
 So he went into the courting business much 
 as he did ANY other. He really bought a
 
 The Stingy Fellow 
 
 few carnations (they were cheap). He also 
 bought a couple of seats at a theatre in 
 the balcony occasionally. And he even 
 went so far as to take a taxicab for THREE 
 squares. But, Ssh ! He didn't sleep that 
 night. 
 
 Now it also happens in the course of every- 
 day events (and nobody knows any real 
 reason why), people who marry each other 
 never see each other as OTHER people see 
 them. This being the case, they were 
 married. 
 
 Then she tasted a little something of the 
 stingy side. How to count the pennies was 
 her particular performance. When the bills 
 of the butcher, the baker, the candlestick 
 maker came in he pored over every ITEM 
 and was continually bemoaning the answers. 
 
 One cold Saturday night he came home 
 expecting to find " Alice-sit-by-the-fire " on 
 the job, awaiting him with his slippers and 
 his evening paper. But he found the pro- 
 verbial note, telling the tale of her miserly 
 existence with him " Home to Mother." 
 
 He read it over and over and thought and 
 thought. He began to see that he had 
 EXISTED rather than LIVED. 
 
 He was almost human, so old Colonel Re- 
 morse was not an unwelcome visitor at his 
 
 C 72 ]
 
 The Stingy Fellow 
 
 lonesome stock-taking of life. He wondered 
 if he had really been too busy guarding his 
 own stinginess. 
 
 He realised that it was wise to be careful, 
 economical. But a stingy man is ANOTHER 
 story. Perhaps he understood in time, and 
 perhaps he won her back. 
 
 MORAL : MAN WANTS BUT LITTLE HERE 
 BELOW, NOR WANTS THAT LITTLE STINGY. 
 
 [ 73 ]
 
 THE "SAVING" WOMAN 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a woman. She 
 was a very SAVING woman. That is to say, 
 she saved everything AWAY from herself. 
 
 The woman had a home and a husband, 
 and for the two she was an everlasting saving 
 grace. Her one great aim in life was to save 
 especially for the man who with his worldly 
 goods did her endow ; but his worldly goods 
 did she not allow to be SPENT. 
 
 So in her daily dealings with the butcher, 
 the baker, the candlestick maker, she took 
 particular pains to make her purchases with 
 the ECONOMY end in view. Many times did 
 she go out of her way to save a few pennies 
 here and there all of which pleased her over- 
 much, and an interesting BARGAIN through 
 the day would bring a glow of happiness in 
 the REFLECTION of the evening. 
 
 Many times her husband would suggest 
 going out on this or that pleasure jaunt. In 
 her little economic brain she would first count 
 the COST, and then approve or disapprove 
 accordingly. This happened many, many 
 times. 
 
 [ 74 ]
 
 The " Saving " Woman 
 
 When they would decide to dine out on rare 
 occasions and he would suggest various good 
 things on the menu, the price usually set the 
 pace as far as SHE was concerned, and she 
 would suggest items that did not cost much. 
 
 Then she wondered at his seeming dis- 
 pleasure, for she felt he should be overjoyed 
 at her economy and SELF-SACRIFICE. But, 
 strange to say, he wasn't. There are men 
 like that. It is human nature. 
 
 If they went to the theatre and he suggested 
 a little supper afterward somewhere in a 
 festive throng, she reminded him of several 
 good things that were in their refrigerator. 
 Occasionally on his way home a passing flower 
 vender would suggest to him a few blooms : 
 for this man rather liked the " goods the gods 
 provided " hi this little old world of ours. 
 
 But the good wife would remind him of 
 the WASTE of money for flowers which lasted 
 but a little while and were gone. So the 
 man profited in one way by her precept and 
 example ; yet SHE lost in another. 
 
 That is to say, when these economies were 
 brought poignantly before him, he simply 
 sighed and ACCEPTED the situation ; which 
 most men do. For he did not want to appear 
 to be THE spendthrift of the firm. 
 
 Yet, even as a woman convinced against 
 
 [ 75 ]
 
 The " Saving " Woman 
 
 her will is of the same opinion still, so the 
 descendants of Adam are not lacking in the 
 same attribute. Thus it happened that his 
 little dinners and suppers and entertainments 
 were often taken with parties of friends. 
 
 If he had any excuse at all, it was summed 
 up in the words : " My wife is such a little 
 home-body ! I just can't get her out much." 
 
 She stayed at home many evenings, cutting 
 our shirt-waist patterns and scheming how 
 far she could make a dollar go. In truth, 
 economy went so far that it went away from 
 her realisation of its BEST use. 
 
 To sum up, the woman awoke one morning 
 to find that the COMMON interest was divided 
 in TWO, and while she was heaping up the 
 interest to make MUTUAL dividends HE was 
 enjoying the PRESENT dividends quite alone. 
 Then she thought she was the proverbial 
 neglected wife and a martyr to the Cause. 
 When in reality she was the cause of her own 
 effect. 
 
 Perhaps she became tactful in time. I do 
 not know. So that to economise and save is 
 wise, but to SACRIFICE overmuch is other- 
 wise. 
 
 MORAL: TOO MUCH ECONOMY SPOILS THE 
 BROTH OF LIFE ! 
 
 [ 76 ]
 
 THE CARD LADY 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a lady who ac- 
 quired a habit. It was not a riding-habit, but 
 it led her a pace. For she ran the race and 
 did not know HOW to be her own stop-watch. 
 
 It began in the usual way. She accepted 
 an invitation to learn how to play " a little 
 social game of cards." It was quite AMUSING 
 at first the queens and knaves and spots 
 and things. 
 
 It became INTERESTING. Then it became 
 VERY interesting. She wanted to learn MORE 
 about it. It was really a STUDY. She PUR- 
 SUED it. Her education went further. She 
 wanted to learn the SCIENCE of the thing. 
 
 In other words, where before it had been 
 but an amusement, she now insisted on a truly 
 scientific game. Where at first she was just 
 passing an idle hour, now she began to LOOK 
 FORWARD to the idle hour. 
 
 For she had joined a little club or two, 
 and the appointed time found her aglow 
 with expectancy. It was a progressive game, 
 and there was a PRIZE to carry home. Ah, 
 that was the thing ! 
 
 [ 77 1
 
 The Card Lady 
 
 And how she worked and worked and 
 worked to carry oft the trophy ! Of course, 
 the others worked too. 
 
 What mattered it if that self-same prize 
 in actual value amounted to less than the 
 cost of her bonbons a week ? What mattered 
 it if she came home late with a slight head- 
 ache " and just couldn't eat any dinner, you 
 know ? " 
 
 What mattered it if this, that or the other 
 household duty was left WAITING until to- 
 morrow ? 
 
 It became more of a habit. For, on the 
 days when the club was not scheduled, a 
 neighbour or two was called in to take a hand. 
 And in the evening what more fun than to 
 have a little round " for the sake of hubby " ? 
 
 And so it continued until all life seemed 
 summed up into fifty-two varieties that made 
 or unmade CERTAIN conditions. 
 
 There was the deuce to pay, and hearts 
 weren't trumps all the time. For example, 
 she could not bear to play with a POOR player. 
 And many an unfortunate novice opposite 
 her was properly " squelched " with her 
 glare of DISGUST. 
 
 Her PLEASING temper of yesterday was lost 
 in the losing game of to-day. Unintentionally 
 she began to figure out " certain hands " 
 
 [ 78 ]
 
 The Card Lady 
 
 while she was doing up her hair or at night in 
 her dreams. 
 
 Many times she stared into space and 
 forgot to answer questions she was " so 
 absent-minded." But if you had entered the 
 crevices of her brain you might have found 
 the process of consideration going on that 
 if only she had played the ace BEFORE the 
 queen, etc., etc. 
 
 Then things took a turn in the direction 
 of the medicine man. For she had grown 
 very, very tired. Indeed she did not know 
 just what was the MATTER with her. 
 
 But the wise doctor knew. He said some- 
 thing that sounded like " nerves " and "pros- 
 tration." She would have to take a certain 
 cure which meant keeping VERY QUIET for some 
 time no calculations, no concerns, no CARDS. 
 
 She began to learn that they were a bad 
 lot those kings and queens and knaves 
 if taken too OFTEN. She realised she would 
 have to shuffle them off before she got lost in 
 the shuffle. She found that in moderation 
 you make the condition, but in the extreme 
 the condition makes YOU. 
 
 MORAL : A LITTLE DRINK WON'T GET YOU 
 DRUNK. YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP ON DRINKING ! 
 
 A LITTLE GAME WON'T MAR YOUR THOUGHTS. 
 YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP ON THINKING ! 
 
 [ 79 ]
 
 THE STORY OF TWO HOMES 
 
 ONCE upon a time Happiness went in the 
 quest of a HOME to live in. He travelled far 
 and wide. On a very beautiful highway 
 he saw a palace with wide verandahs and 
 wonderful old trees. 
 
 " Ah," thought Happiness, " here is the 
 place I shall enter ! " 
 
 How wonderful it was ! Everything that 
 money and taste could procure marked its 
 artistic ensemble. It was so harmonious, so 
 orderly, that as Happiness went along he 
 was inclined to SALUTE everything in homage ; 
 since it bore the stamp of being made to 
 LOOK AT only. He seated himself on a pom- 
 pous state chair and looked about him. 
 Such a feeling of rigid LAW and ORDER seemed 
 to pervade EVERYTHING ! 
 
 All was arranged according to line and 
 rule. So that one almost felt that it was 
 TOO beautiful. 
 
 The husband came in and was about to 
 light a cigar. 
 
 " Oh, come into the smoking-room," said 
 the wife ; " I cannot think of allowing you to 
 
 [ 80 ]
 
 SHOPPING FOR HEARTS. 
 Moral : " In shopping for hearts l>e sure t<> purchase one before closing time."
 
 The Story of two Homes 
 
 smoke in here. It would ruin the curtains. 
 And ashes on the carpet are detestable." 
 
 The husband looked at Happiness, sighed 
 and passed on. Pretty soon the visitor 
 heard a cry in some distant place, mingled 
 with childish voices. 
 
 " Do bring the children down ! " cried 
 Happiness. " I love to be with them." 
 
 They did not run to their mother in the 
 joyous manner of children, but seemed to rea- 
 lise they were on forbidden ground. Happiness 
 grew cold with loneliness. With all the room 
 and spaciousness he felt " hemmed in." 
 
 " This is no place for me," thought Happi- 
 ness, and he stole out. 
 
 He proceeded on up the highway and came 
 to a much less pretentious place. There 
 were no stately old trees, but in the little 
 garden in front were new blooms just coming 
 out of the ground. 
 
 The door was opened, and a sound of 
 LAUGHTER reached him. He went inside and 
 looked about. In the very BEST room in the 
 house a man was puffing clouds of smoke. 
 
 The little ones were building a house of 
 blocks on the floor. Pretty soon the mother 
 came in, looked about her and REALISED 
 Happiness was there. She smiled in CON- 
 TENTMENT. 
 
 ~7~ 81
 
 The Story of two Homes 
 
 " I know you," she said to him simply, 
 " for I look for you every day, and the SPIRIT 
 of you is my guiding star." 
 
 " Tell me some of the things you do to 
 keep the spirit of me with you ; since it 
 must needs be in so MANY places ? " 
 
 "First of all," she answered, "I believe 
 a man's home should be the one place where 
 anything that will make him WANT to be 
 there is considered. 
 
 " And the children why, bless them, con- 
 trary to the old adage, they should indeed 
 be seen and heard OFTEN. In other words, 
 a home is not a place of several walls with a 
 number in front for the convenience of the 
 mail man. 
 
 " The joy of beauty is in the possessing 
 of it ; not being possessed by it." 
 
 Happiness reflected on the two homes, and 
 now understood why he could NOT stay in 
 the other. 
 
 " How curious ! " he thought. " The other 
 woman did not try to keep me there ; 
 although she imagines she will get me with 
 every new material thing. Yet here am I 
 at home indeed. The REAL home is not the 
 RULED one." 
 
 MORAL : WHEN RULES AND REGULATIONS 
 COME INTO THE HOME HAPPINESS FLIES OUT. 
 
 [ 82 ]
 
 AS TO LOVE-LETTERS 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a man who 
 wrote letters. He wrote MANY letters. The 
 man fell in love. He wrote LOVE-letters. 
 
 Evenings, after leaving her, he burned 
 the mid-night oil in pouring out to her the 
 prompting of his inmost soul (whatever that 
 is). Every new idea of endearment was 
 quickly transferred from his mind to paper. 
 
 He could hardly WAIT to get it down. 
 Wasn't she " the apple of his eye " (whatever 
 that is) and the " light of his life " (what- 
 ever that is) ? 
 
 For, whatever anything is, is seemingly 
 poetic licence in the language of love, and 
 the licence brooks of no LIMITATIONS. So the 
 dear darling, sugar plum, only-only, with 
 which the pages were permeated, were the 
 RULE ; and there was no exception, since 
 every little name had a MEANING all its own. 
 All of which was very well as long as the true 
 love ran SMOOTHLY. 
 
 To the fellow in love at the time of writing, 
 when all seems wonderful, harmonious, in- 
 teresting, the idea of TRUST never enters 
 
 [ 83 ]
 
 As to Love-Letters 
 
 into the transaction, and trouble is as far 
 from his thoughts as the lady seems to be 
 when AWAY from him. 
 
 But in the natural course of human events 
 it becomes necessary to break the bonds that 
 bind for VARIOUS reasons that the human 
 is heir to. For when discord comes in at the 
 door love flies out of the window. 
 
 And many times the soft lights of love are 
 changed to the broad daylight of law ; and 
 glowing HEART throbs are measured by 
 cold DOLLARS, which was the case here. 
 The happy hunting ground of Cupid was 
 transferred to the harrowing court-house of 
 accounting. 
 
 And NOW the effervescing effusions were 
 confusions in the form of exhibits X, Y, Z, 
 etc., and were but the BEGINNING of the fatal 
 end. As he heard them read he marvelled 
 that HE had really been their author. 
 
 He came to know that ten VERBAL ex- 
 pressions of love are worth ONE on paper. 
 For if for any reason in the wide, wide world 
 any one of two parties finds he or she has 
 made a MISTAKE in the courting time the 
 mistake is only intensified if pursued to 
 the altar. 
 
 Yet there is many a heart eased by the balm 
 of dollars that take the PLACE of the man in 
 
 [ 84 ]
 
 As to Love-Letters 
 
 the case. And the words that were penned 
 with purely private INTENT become quite 
 public, which this man came to know. So 
 the man paid the price, but learned his 
 
 lesson. 
 
 MORAL I "DO RIGHT AND FEAR NO MAN 
 DON'T WRITE AND FEAR NO WOMAN." 
 
 \ 
 
 t 85
 
 THE "RESPECTED" MAN 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a man who 
 lived in a small town. It was the kind of a 
 town where everybody knew everybody else. 
 There were good, bad and indifferent people 
 in town. 
 
 The man came to the city for a visit. He 
 was entertained and detained. For he had 
 to see who's who and what's what. 
 
 He kept telling those he met what a bold, 
 bad city THEY were living in that vice was 
 rampant on all sides every man broke every 
 commandment but the eleventh : " Thou 
 shalt not be found out." 
 
 He pointed out that nobody knew anybody 
 else or cared, and that money was the ONLY 
 thing that mattered, etc. the things that 
 are the usual things to say about the big 
 city. Yet he was glad to COME to it some- 
 how or other. 
 
 This man did not fail to leave the im- 
 pression as to what a PROMINENT citizen he 
 was and how " respected " he was in his own 
 town. Seemingly he was a veritable master 
 of all he surveyed. 
 
 [ 86 ]
 
 The " Respected " Man 
 
 He dwelt on how often he had been a dele- 
 gate to various conventions where DIGNITY 
 was required, and how he had always been 
 called upon to make the opening address. 
 In a word, he was the wand of wisdom and 
 the pinnacle of power in his own town. 
 
 Oh, he wouldn't do anything that any 
 " upright citizen " shouldn't do (whatever 
 that is) not he. 
 
 So he travelled the Great White Way and 
 looked about him in the highways and by- 
 ways of the city. And in the great throng 
 that for ever passed him he rarely saw a soul 
 to whom he might bow in recognition. 
 (Let's skip a chapter.) 
 
 Now, as he had come to the big city for 
 the ostensible purpose of looking up statistics 
 for the Epworth League and to attend some 
 real heart-to-heart conventions, he was much 
 absent. And the dear good friends he 
 visited thought what a " splendid citizen " 
 he was to attend to his duties so ENERGETIC- 
 ALLY. 
 
 It came to pass, however, that another 
 " man from home " came to the city, and the 
 dear good friends took him out for a little 
 evening's pleasure. They entered one of the 
 lobster palaces, and there in a little cosy 
 corner was the " respected citizen " with 
 
 [ 87 ]
 
 The " Respected " Man 
 
 the Lady Soubrette of the latest musical 
 comedy. 
 
 The man from home smiled and merely 
 whispered, " Up to his old tricks ! When a 
 fellow thinks he is ' on to ' the town, the town 
 is 'on to ' him." The dear good friends 
 recalled all he had said about the terrible 
 Great White Way and the city's awful 
 
 TEMPTATIONS, etc. 
 
 But evidently he had gone on the theory 
 that when in Rome one must do as the Romans 
 do, which, strange to say, the average Roman 
 DOESN'T do. 
 
 MORAL : WHEN A MAN TELLS YOU HOW 
 RESPECTED HE IS IN HIS OWN TOWN THINK 
 IT OVER.
 
 MARY AND HER LITTLE LAMB 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a girl. Her 
 name was Mary. She had a little lamb. 
 It was a HUMAN lamb, and every place that 
 Mary went the lamb was sure to go and the 
 going was good. 
 
 Yet, unlike the other Mary and her little 
 lamb, it needed some encouragement to go, 
 and Mary had a FULL SUPPLY of the encourage- 
 ment thing. She would tell the little lamb 
 how wonderful he was, what beautiful eyes 
 he had, how well he knew how to order a 
 dinner, and about his splendid good taste. 
 'You're so different," would be the final 
 summing up, which always appeals to all 
 little lambs. 
 
 In a word, she made him feel as if he was 
 a LION instead of a lamb. Human lambs 
 insist on being lions, and Mary knew how to 
 satisfy the insistence. That was her forte in 
 drawing to the fold. 
 
 She had such a nice little way of making 
 him think that she was conferring a FAVOUR 
 upon him by his following her that really 
 and truly there were so many other lions 
 
 [ 89 ]
 
 Mary and Her Little Lamb 
 
 seeking her favour and that they were all 
 caged as far as SHE was concerned. 
 
 And when he wasn't following her and 
 thought that one of them had escaped and 
 was trailing along, he would bleat out to her 
 with a " Come Back " song his swan song 
 in the everlasting " following game." For 
 she had TRAINED him well. 
 
 Many times when she told him how splen- 
 did he looked she was fixing her shepherdess 
 crook for some terrapin and peach melba. 
 A fit of " nerves " brought a bunch of Ameri- 
 can Beauties ; and a little humming of 
 " Celeste Aida " produced a box at the opera. 
 
 Mary's little lamb followed her to school 
 one day the school of LOVE which was 
 against the rule, Mary's little rule, since it 
 was " not the least what the lady meant." 
 But a lamb must follow the NATURAL bent 
 in following his leader. 
 
 She had meant only to " laugh and play," 
 but a lamb grows out of being a little lambkin 
 and becomes a real sheep, which brings with 
 it WISDOM. He wanted to follow her to 
 the " end of the world." But Mary's world 
 ended with a dinner engagement, which, 
 " lighting a little hour or two, is gone." She 
 tried to laugh him off, but yet to KEEP her 
 little lamb. 
 
 [ 90 ]
 
 Mary and Her Little Lamb 
 
 But having OUTGROWN his lambness, he 
 said, " Bah ! bah ! " The wool would not 
 be pulled over his eyes. And, like little 
 Bo-peep, she LOST her sheep. 
 
 He figured up on the back of one of her 
 " sweet " notes what the " follow-follow " 
 stage had produced, and the numbers showed 
 HOW WELL he had been fleeced. 
 
 He was glad to become the strayed sheep, 
 where she was concerned. For the human 
 lion becomes a black sheep only after he is 
 well shorn. 
 
 MORAL : A HUMAN LAMB MAY BLEAT AT 
 BEING A SHEEP, BUT BALKS AT BECOMING 
 A BLACK SHEEP. 
 
 [ 91 1
 
 SUMMER LOVE 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a girl also a 
 summer resort. The two are quite fre- 
 quently together, these days. 
 
 Before going to the summer resort several 
 things had to be accomplished. First of all, 
 half the WINTER was spent in embroidering 
 summer dresses and hats for the two or three 
 weeks' jaunt in the summer. And many a 
 penny was SAVED in doing WITHOUT this, that 
 or the other thing, to put AWAY for that fund 
 of frolic. 
 
 And as the good old year spun around, 
 the eventful time came. After looking up 
 mountain stream country and " personally 
 conducted tours/* at last a place was decided 
 upon. " The most delightful Eden on earth " 
 (according to advertising specifications). 
 
 A little party was formed and they de- 
 parted. Now the summer resort girl, in the 
 words of old Omar, knowing that " the bird 
 is on the wing," kept flittering during the 
 brief stay which she looked forward to in all 
 the preceding months. 
 
 Things happen at a summer resort that 
 
 [ 92 ]
 
 Summer Love 
 
 could not possibly come to pass in town. 
 There's many a girl who, when lords of 
 creation are scarce, will smile SWEETLY, on 
 the green, at a chap from home ; though she 
 would give him the frosty frown on Broad- 
 way. And the porch brigade works OVERTIME 
 in keeping tabs on the attractive sisters of 
 the place. 
 
 Very often these, the drones in the busy 
 beehive at home, evolve into the busybody 
 at the summer resort. But the prime thing 
 that is done at summer resorts is to make 
 friendships QUICKLY. For are they not all 
 together there for one and the same purpose 
 pleasure ? which is as it should be. 
 
 It would have been all very well with our 
 girl from home had she realised that it was 
 a brief pleasure-laden time which (again in 
 the words of old Omar), " lighting a little 
 hour or two is gone." But not so. She 
 wanted to string it out for a LIFETIME. 
 
 It came about like this. (And now I am 
 coming to Adam ; for how could any summer 
 resort Eden be complete without him ?) 
 How HANDSOME he was ! How splendid he 
 looked in his white flannels as he came to 
 take her for a row on the lake in the early 
 morning ! And in the afternoon many de- 
 lightful fishing excursions, with the thrills 
 
 [ 93 ]
 
 Summer Love 
 
 that the " summerness " of it all brings, 
 made the hours pass. And the moonlight 
 nights, when the sigh of the woods re-echoed 
 the sweet nothings that he whispered in her ear! 
 
 Thus many things were enjoyed together ; 
 which is usually the case on the happy hunt- 
 ing ground of VACATION. The porch brigade 
 worked more overtime. Here was a MATCH ! 
 
 As all good things end, these best of friends 
 parted, she to her home and he to his office 
 in the OPPOSITE direction. At first letters 
 and post-cards came often with reminiscences 
 of happy days gone by. 
 
 Then, as the man got further into his 
 figures and files, and the routine of things had 
 again set in, the boats and the fishing and the 
 moonlight faded away in the hazy distance. 
 The letters came less frequently. Then they 
 stopped. The girl wondered why. 
 
 True, it had been but a couple of weeks. 
 But, she argued, how serious it had seemed ! 
 In a word, SHE had taken all seriously from 
 the beginning of the embroidering until 
 the very coming-home time and then some. 
 She came at last to understand that friend- 
 ships made in a care-free time should also be 
 free from care later. 
 
 MORAL : 'TIS THE RARE SUMMER LOVE THAT 
 WEATHERS THE WINTER'S BLAST. 
 
 [ 94 1
 
 "THE CULTURE" CHILD 
 
 ONCE upon a time there were some fond pa- 
 rents. They had a daughter. Her name was Loo. 
 
 The fond parents ADORED the daughter, 
 which is the way of all fond parents. The 
 fond parents had money, and what was 
 money for but to SPEND it on daughter Loo ? 
 
 So no sooner had Loo emerged from 
 swaddling clothes than she ASSUMED from 
 all that was handed out to her that she was 
 mistress of all she surveyed. She was. 
 
 She was given an ALLOWANCE before she 
 had begun to use hairpins. And spending 
 was a mere matter of going down- town and 
 having things " charged." 
 
 Loo had the best teachers. From the 
 early beginning a governess was in attendance. 
 Then private instructors in French, German, 
 and all the arts. 
 
 Loo grew up with all the goods the gods pro- 
 vided and many notions. She gave promise 
 (whatever that is), and that is the only thing 
 SHE ever did give, but RECEIVED all in return. 
 
 It came to the time for Loo to go abroad, 
 for that is one of the things that is necessary 
 
 [ 95 ]
 
 "The Culture" Child 
 
 with all fond parents of Loo-loo daughters. 
 Loo had visions of a stateroom full of flowers 
 and a pile of steamer letters, all of which were 
 forthcoming AS USUAL. 
 
 Loo was looking forward to the good times 
 on the other side. The idea of developing 
 HERSELF and gaining some knowledge from 
 the old world was as far removed from her 
 ideas as the thought of actually doing the 
 sewing on one of her fancy gowns. 
 
 To make a long fable short, Loo got the 
 FINISHING on the other side. It was a real 
 finish. One day, in the height of the finish- 
 ing process, a cable came, saying : " Come 
 home at once." And home they went. 
 
 The worst had happened, as it often does. 
 The fond father had lost his all, by the every- 
 day way in which men are accustomed to losing. 
 He was even reduced to the borrowing stage, 
 and the question arose "What is to be done ? " 
 
 It was a situation which, of course, dear 
 Loo could never understand. So she fretted 
 that she could not have this, that or the 
 other thing that had been her wont. She 
 had not learned the MEANING of money ex- 
 cept as a means of GETTING things. To earn 
 a dollar was as remote from her conception 
 of things as the stars. 
 
 Now her cultured self, which her fond 
 
 [ 96 ]
 
 
 ^3L - 
 
 * -+tZr*'i \cn// vJAi*" 1 
 
 \ 
 > 
 
 / 
 
 THE WOMAN WHO LIVED ON YESTERDAY. 
 
 Moral: "Decorate the lives of the living rather than the monuments of the 
 mourned."
 
 "The Culture" Child 
 
 parents had aimed to develop, ASSERTED 
 itself. She had " tantrums," which is a part 
 of the cultured habit. She did not try to 
 LESSEN the burden of her fond parents, for 
 she had not learned any lessons of that kind. 
 She had learned only lessons of ADVANTAGE, 
 but none of ADVERSITY. The fond parents 
 had to look at her now with DIFFERENT eyes. 
 
 FOR, TO BE ADORED AND TO BE ADORABLE 
 ARE ENTIRELY TWO DIFFERENT PROPOSITIONS. 
 
 The mother had to do her own work, 
 which Loo thought was " atrocious." The 
 mother looked around and saw many splendid 
 girls in the field of activity, doing things, and 
 quite RESPONSIBLE for themselves. She could 
 not help but see, however, that HER daughter 
 was absolutely helpless, because of too much 
 dabbling in culture and not enough doing in 
 life-activity : that she had not brought her 
 up in the way she should go. 
 
 In truth, she was standing STILL. The fond 
 parents reflected. They got together and de- 
 cided that Loo must learn to DO something by 
 which she could HELP herself. At this late 
 day it went hard and it was not plain sailing. 
 
 They wished they had taught her a means 
 to live. 
 
 MORAi: YOU CANNOT BUY BREAD AND 
 BUTTER WITH " CULTURE" ONLY. 
 
 G [ 97 ]
 
 HER GOLD-PLATED IDOL 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a woman who 
 had an IDEAL. The ideal took the form of 
 a man. That is to say, she thought and 
 dreamed about just the kind of a man that 
 would fit the ideal. He was so GODLIKE. 
 
 So she went forth into the world with the 
 ambition of finding the REALISATION of her 
 hopes. Now, the SEEKER usually finds. 
 
 He seemed to be the personification of 
 her ideal. First he looked the part. " How 
 handsome he is ! " she thought. " Just the 
 right colour of eyes and hair ! " 
 
 He wore the right kind of clothes, and 
 he had his finger-nails manicured often. He 
 loved "music" and "adored" books, and 
 when he smiled well, she just had to pinch 
 herself to know that she was not dreaming. 
 He was a paragon of all the virtues. And 
 there was none could MEASURE UP to him. 
 
 So the woman proceeded to place him 
 on a high pedestal and WORSHIP him accord- 
 ingly. For, did not he tell her the most 
 wonderful things that he had been a part of 
 in the times BEFORE she knew him ? 
 
 [ 98 ]
 
 Her Gold-plated Idol 
 
 How he harped on her being his REAL 
 affinity (whatever that is) ! And didn't he 
 impress upon her the fact that she was the 
 only-only, and that never before and never 
 again would he feel toward any one as he did 
 toward her ? 
 
 " You are so different," he would say. 
 
 She believed all, for she believed in the ideal 
 idea ; and somebody HAD to fit her belief. 
 
 Every day he loomed up bigger and more 
 golden, and everything about him reflected 
 the shining lustre. No one ever lived that 
 was just like him. 
 
 He had the " deepest thoughts." For 
 hadn't he told her some of them ? In truth, 
 she had read of similar things in books ; but 
 then he had such a way of putting things 
 that made him " so original," so unusual, so 
 wonderful ! 
 
 She saw many men in the world. All had 
 their faults, EXCEPT her beautiful ideal. He 
 
 Was FAULTLESS. 
 
 All life stretched out GLOWINGLY before 
 her. To be for ever with this godlike man, 
 who was truly idealistic and had no attributes 
 of a common variety ! 
 
 About this time some rumours floated 
 to her ears of this, that and the other so- 
 called vice that he had, of which she had 
 
 [ 99 ]
 
 Her Gold-plated Idol 
 
 known NOTHING. Yet she did not BELIEVE 
 them. 
 
 One day, quite unexpectedly, however, 
 she saw him do some things, very much as 
 might some other man, which are not of the 
 category of the ideal. 
 
 He was off guard and not doing the " ideal- 
 istic " game. In truth, he had very much 
 the habits of any other man, although he 
 had not enumerated them to her, because 
 he was EXPECTED to fit the ideal. She even 
 heard him tell girls the SAME THINGS he had 
 told her, also in that lofty " original " way. 
 
 Her god-man fell from his pedestal and 
 broke. She was disappointed. Her ideal 
 was shattered. She had expected TOO MUCH. 
 
 Had she been content to grant him the 
 shortcomings of man and take the blessings 
 with them, she might have been happy. 
 But she INSISTED on his living up to her 
 ideal, which he did when with her. 
 
 MORAL : WOMAN MAY IDOLISE AND IDEAL- 
 ISE, BUT A MAN'S A MAN FOR A J THAT AND A' 
 THAT AND A' THAT ! 
 
 [ 100 ]
 
 WHEN LOVE DIES A NATURAL DEATH 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a woman in 
 love. Cupid had aimed his arrow and hit the 
 mark. Of course the little love-god always 
 FINISHES everything he begins. And so his 
 shooting was complete. 
 
 The man was captured. He was in love, 
 deeply in love with the woman. The joy 
 of being loved was cherished by both: and 
 each wanted to KEEP love, world without 
 end, Amen and A-woman. They built 
 beautiful castles in the air, as all lovers do. 
 He told her of what he had always held as an 
 " ideal home." It went something like this : 
 
 " We will have a beautiful little bungalow 
 just built for two (of course you know 
 the time-worn cottage has evoluted into the 
 bungalow). Beautiful flowers in the little 
 garden in front, and street cars running to 
 and fro handy to get to the city for amuse- 
 ment when one wants to. Every convenience 
 will be contained in this bungalow, so that 
 dear Gene vie ve won't have to soil her dainty 
 hands with menial labour," etc., etc. 
 
 Genevieve, on her part, too, outlined the
 
 When Love Dies a Natural Death 
 
 many little accessories before and after the 
 facts that she would perpetrate in the bunga- 
 low. And all rang beautifully as a marriage 
 bell (or rather as an engagement bell, for the 
 momentous time had not yet arrived). 
 
 Now each felt that nothing on earth would 
 ever SEPARATE them, for each felt the JOY of 
 possessing the other. But, as is often the 
 case, the workaday period of existence called 
 each away ; and sometimes it was many, 
 many hours before they would see each 
 other again. 
 
 One day, Genevieve was strolling along 
 the street and suddenly spied John walking 
 with ANOTHER young woman. She beat a 
 hasty retreat, as the hot blood of anger 
 mounted her cheeks. Immediately her 
 thoughts assumed CONCLUSIONS. That night 
 when John called she made no mention of 
 the occurrence. Neither did John. But he 
 wondered at her seeming coolness and chaffed 
 her about it. 
 
 " Oh, it is nothing," she said ; and tried 
 to be gay. 
 
 She determined to " WATCH," as many 
 foolish women do. She saw him AGAIN with 
 the same young woman and still kept her 
 counsels. She grew SUSPICIOUS, and then 
 she heard one or two things that set her 
 
 [ 102 ]
 
 When Love Dies a Natural Death 
 
 WORRYING. Which is also another foolish 
 thing some women do. 
 
 So it went on. No longer did she talk of 
 beautiful bungalows, and the little lace cur- 
 tains, etc., etc. She continued to be " cool." 
 And instead of showing a HAPPY spirit when 
 he called, she would become irritable and 
 demand this, that or the other attention, 
 as " her right." 
 
 The man realised the change, and one day 
 determined to seek the cause. So he pointed 
 out to her how DIFFERENT she had become, 
 and how much LESS joy he found in her 
 company than before, and that she continually 
 wanted to infringe on his time his business 
 time. So she told him something of her 
 feelings. 
 
 Of course it was easily explained. The 
 other " woman " in question happened to go 
 his way during the luncheon hour. And 
 he proved to her how SILLY all her worry 
 had been. But he could not help seeing that 
 JEALOUSY was a part of her make-up, the 
 little demon that she recognised and allowed 
 to eat her joyous spirit away. 
 
 I assure you that it did not make him love 
 her MORE. In truth it LESSENED his love. 
 And though in this instance it blew over, 
 others came up and molehills became moun- 
 
 [ 103 ]
 
 When Love Dies a Natural Death 
 
 tains. So that the wedding bells and the 
 bungalow did not come into being. The 
 woman lost. 
 
 MORAL : IF YOU WANT TO KILL THE GOD 
 OF LOVE, DISPLAY THE DEMON OF JEALOUSY. 
 
 [ 104
 
 THE MOTHER-IN-LAW 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a mother-in-law. 
 A mother-in-law is a woman who has been 
 credited with every sin and debited with very 
 few virtues. She is always in the case as 
 an accessory either before or after the fact. 
 
 Only one thing can keep her from being 
 a mother-in-law if her offspring marries, and 
 that is her own " shuffling off." There has 
 been only ONE woman in the world who had 
 no mother-in-law. And that was Eve. 
 
 It was a wise Providence that made Eve 
 mother-in-law-less. Else she would have 
 blamed her downfall on Adam's mother by 
 some reasoning or other. For the mother- 
 in-law usually gets the blame, whether she's 
 in the game or not. Strange to say, the 
 choosing of a mother-in-law does not always 
 come with the choosing of a husband. 
 
 So it came to pass that a daughter of Eve 
 had a mother-in-law. Somehow or other the 
 very name of mother-in-law tightens the heart- 
 strings and places the chip on the shoulder for 
 the least little wind to strike it off. 
 
 Thus, Mary dreaded John's mother. Not 
 that she knew anything against her particu- 
 
 [ 105 ]
 
 The Mother-in-Law 
 
 larly, but, in truth, that she did not know 
 her at all. This mother-in-law, being a 
 twentieth-century one, left the two that 
 had become ONE quite severely alone, except 
 as THEY wished otherwise. Mary at once 
 thought she was " offish." 
 
 She crawled into her shell a bit. When 
 she gave a little party to her women friends 
 she never thought of including her mother- 
 in-law, for, as she confided to her chum, 
 Genevieve, the mother-in-law would likely 
 " snoop around." Thus distance lent en- 
 chantment in this home that practically knew 
 no mother-in-law. 
 
 One day infant Johnny fell ill with the 
 measles. It was a new thing for the young 
 woman. John timidly suggested " Send for 
 mother." But the ANTICIPATION of unknown 
 horror rather put cold water on the suggestion. 
 
 The baby's fever seemed to rise. Mary, 
 in desperation, agreed. Now Mary had 
 studied " what to do until the doctor comes." 
 But the thought of what to do until mother- 
 in-law conies sent her flying from garret to 
 cellar to note if this, that or the other thing 
 was " in order," and if things were in the 
 house for the new-comer's comfort, etc. For, 
 a dread of her prying into the running of the 
 house filled Mary with terror. 
 
 [ 106 ]
 
 The Mother-in-Law 
 
 She came. She went right up to Mary 
 and said : 
 
 "Just give him to me, dearie. You and 
 John go out for a nice long walk, and you get 
 some red roses in your cheeks. Don't bother 
 about the baby at all, and don't pay ANY 
 ATTENTION to me. For I have been a mother 
 a long time, and I will only give him up to 
 one who has SUPERIOR right to you." 
 
 Mother-in-law stayed a few days. She 
 attended to her business, the business she 
 had come about being the help in time of 
 need. She did not discuss " family affairs " 
 or ask the whys or wherefores of anything. 
 
 Now Mary had never heard of a mother- 
 in-law being a FRIEND. But here she found 
 she was mistaken. So, often mother-in-law 
 came, and always assumed the guise of a 
 welcomed friend rather than a relative-in- 
 law. For she always put Mary in the place 
 SHE had been in many years ago. 
 
 In a word, Mary came to feel the NEED of 
 her. And verily the " in-law " was dropped. 
 She even went so far as to say : 
 
 " Indeed, there must be many good mothers- 
 in-law in the world." 
 
 MORAL: DON'T BE TOO HASTY ABOUT 
 BLAMING THE MOTHER-IN-LAW; GIVE HER A 
 
 CHANCE ! 
 
 [ 107 1
 
 THE MODERN CONQUEROR 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a man. He was 
 what they call a SUCCESSFUL man. That is 
 to say, Dame Fortune in the passing had 
 smiled on him. And, like little Jack Horner, 
 he had forthwith " put in his thumb and 
 pulled out a plum and said, ' What a good 
 boy am I ! '" 
 
 He thought he was master of all he sur- 
 veyed. He had never had any great hard- 
 ships, neither had great sorrow come his way. 
 Therefore he was UNACQUAINTED with grief. 
 
 For one can truly sympathise with another 
 when he has felt the SAME pain. So, having 
 through no great effort achieved his measure 
 of success, this man viewed himself to the air 
 of " See the conquering hero comes ! " 
 
 This would have all been very well if 
 he had not taken a particular field for his 
 battle-ground WOMAN. He possessed con- 
 ceit plus. 
 
 Therefore, let a daughter of Eve come his 
 way, and should she prove to be his passing 
 FANCY he would at once spot, look in the mirror 
 and say to himself, " How she loves me ! " 
 
 [ 108 ]
 
 The Modern Conqueror 
 
 Of course he had the ways and means of 
 the MODERN man. The arts and crafts were 
 at his command. Flowers, tokens of friend- 
 ship, love messages, all all were his imple- 
 ments of conquering. 
 
 He knew just WHAT to say at the moment 
 when it should have been said. 
 
 When the fancy had passed and, like 
 Caesar, he could say, " I came, I saw, I con- 
 quered," he would wend his way in the direc- 
 tion of the next sweet smile or appealing 
 glance. 
 
 Oh, of course it was all done in a " GENTLE- 
 MANLY " way, so that not even the lady 
 HERSELF might take exception to his folding 
 " his tent like the Arab " and silently stealing 
 away. 
 
 For the conqueror always has cunning, 
 and may so contrive that the lady has to 
 cut the knot that has been made or rather 
 the spider web he has woven. 
 
 He always left grief in his wake. But 
 that did not concern HIM. Now, as success 
 when not born of actual ACHIEVEMENT is 
 but a transitory goddess, one day he awoke 
 to find that he was no longer a successful 
 man. He had spent ALL in the conquering 
 game. He was alone. 
 
 But so great had been his belief in himself 
 
 [ 109 ]
 
 that he had thought he could STILL create 
 the spark of sincerity that he had awakened 
 along the way he had passed. 
 
 He now needed and WANTED sympathy 
 and love and kindness. For he had been 
 introduced to grief, and understood the need 
 of comforting words and deeds. He went 
 BACK to those whom he had put aside. 
 
 But as Father Time is a healer of all ills, 
 each in turn had been healed of the wound, 
 and now RECOGNISED him who had inflicted 
 it in his TRUE light. They were sorry ; 
 but all feeling that he had AROUSED was gone 
 never to return. 
 
 Indeed he was alone. It was coming to- 
 ward the evening of things, and he feared 
 the shadows. He realised that to him that 
 HATH love shall be GIVEN love. But to him 
 that hath not, even that which he had 
 FEIGNED shall be taken away from him. 
 
 He wished that he had his life to live all 
 over again, so that he might not have found 
 himself so alone. 
 
 WHEN THE WAY OF THE CONQUEROR IS 
 NOT PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS HE OFTEN 
 FALLS BY THE WAYSIDE.
 
 THE SEEKER OF MYSTERY 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a young woman. 
 She was an impressionable young woman. 
 An impressionable young woman is apt to 
 be one who takes life very SERIOUSLY. 
 
 She is absorbed in everything that comes 
 her way, and even goes out of her way to take 
 everything that comes. 
 
 She accepts many things as gospel that are 
 groundless, and builds on them a firm basis 
 for thinking. 
 
 She has DREAMS and takes them as truths. 
 In the early years this young woman hunted 
 the fortune-tellers and sought the seers of 
 destiny until a mystical realm was her especial 
 precinct. 
 
 In the common course of events, the young 
 woman became a wife. And now she had 
 more time for continuing her flights of fancy. 
 She hobnobbed with her women neighbours ; 
 and every new fad, religious, academic, 
 scientific or otherwise, found her one of its 
 devoted devotees. 
 
 In truth, she was HAUNTED with them, and 
 she spent many sleepless nights in thinking
 
 The Seeker of Mystery 
 
 over the superstitious lore that was being 
 propounded in her willing ears ; and every- 
 body still longing to be humbugged. Every 
 new cult found her one of the charter 
 members. 
 
 One day it was an idea of colours by which 
 she might direct her everyday existence. 
 Another time it was a series of numbers 
 which if pursued would bring her health, fame 
 and fortune. 
 
 Her mind became one mass of mysticism. 
 And every little mystic had a meaning all its 
 own. She forgot the REAL things that were 
 ever around her, and was lost in the maze of 
 mystery. She would not listen to the advice 
 of the earth-bound spirits who know that the 
 supernatural is only the natural UNEX- 
 PLAINED. 
 
 Now, this woman, as is usually the case, not 
 satisfied with being herself a wanderer among 
 these wonders of the unknown and intangible 
 things, was eager in converting her better 
 half to her beliefs. 
 
 This man, however, was a terra-firma 
 individual, who saw the trend of the current, 
 which after a while bade fair to become 
 overwhelming ; and he was trying to save 
 her from it. He endeavoured to give her the 
 philosophy of old Omar, who said :
 
 " 'TIS THE RARE SUMMER LOVE THAT WEATHERS THE 
 WINTER'S BLAST."
 
 The Seeker of Mystery 
 
 "Myself when young did eagerly frequent 
 Doctor and Saint, and heard great argument 
 About it and about : but evermore 
 Came out by the same door wherein I went." 
 
 Yet, the woman would not heed, and 
 continued in her whichever-the-wind-blows 
 way. Then something happened. Very much 
 like her sister of the shoe this young woman 
 lived in a stew ; she had so many fancies 
 she didn't know what to do. 
 
 To make a long fable short, the medical 
 man was the friend in need, and he prescribed 
 three words " Cut it out ! " He said some- 
 thing about " nerves " and " prostration " 
 and " wholesomeness," and the " tomfoolery 
 of fancies." And as a last resort she was 
 confronted with the ultimatum of either life 
 or mystics. 
 
 She went through a siege of suffering, and 
 at last had to REALISE with old Omar : 
 
 " I sent my Soul through the Invisible, 
 Some letter of that After-life to spell : 
 And by and by my Soul returned to me, 
 And answer 'd ' I Myself am Heav'n and Hell 1 ' " 
 
 But she wished she had saved her suffering 
 by recognising the Here and Now. 
 
 MORAL : THE SAILOR ON THE SEA OF MYS- 
 TERY IS ONLY SAFE WHEN HE CAN ANCHOR 
 TO THE TRUE AT THE FIRST CALL OF THE FOG- 
 HORN.
 
 THE NEGLECTED WIFE 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a man who 
 worked and enjoyed the FRUITS of his work. 
 That is to say, he had no grievance of any 
 magnitude. He did not look toward having 
 a great name or great fame ; neither did 
 he stretch his IMAGINATION for high powers 
 or great riches. 
 
 He was content to do his work as well as 
 he could with an endeavour to INCREASE his 
 capacity in that direction every day. But 
 he had learned the philosophy of living each 
 day as well. 
 
 He did not look forward to a time to COME, 
 but he believed in the " here and now," with 
 a hopeful glance in the direction of the future, 
 and put a little by now and then for the rainy 
 day. 
 
 In the course of things the man met a 
 woman : for Cupid is ever on hand at such 
 times. He courted the lady in the up-to-date 
 fashion ; as is also the case at such times. 
 
 That is to say, there were flowers and 
 bonbons and theatres and restaurants, and 
 all that goes to make the gladsome time of 
 
 [ 114 ]
 
 The Neglected Wife 
 
 wooing in the present day. The young 
 woman ENJOYED all, and when the " Will 
 you ? " period came she willed. She became 
 his wife. 
 
 As aforesaid, being a man of work and play, 
 he continued his way in DOUBLE harness 
 much as he had done in the time of SINGLE 
 blessedness. That is, he did not forget the 
 little bunch of violets on Saturday nor the 
 bonbons. He occasionally brought home 
 tickets for a theatre, and often suggested a 
 little dinner out. 
 
 At first it all went very well. It was the 
 continuation of the courting time. The man 
 approved. But the woman, thinking that 
 now she had gotten it over, or rather gotten 
 over it, proceeded to have ambitions. 
 
 She thought she ought to " settle down " 
 (whatever that is) . She got the saving bee in 
 her bonnet. It is a fine thing to have. But 
 TOO MUCH saving puts pleasure in the shade, 
 and the sordid side shows all too plainly. 
 
 Thus, when now ihey went to dinner she 
 always chose the cheapest things on the menu, 
 which somehow put the damper of disap- 
 proval on the man's side. She remonstrated 
 with him for flowers and candy and called it 
 " silly extravagance." 
 
 Really she " did not care for the theatre," 
 
 [ 5 ]
 
 The Neglected Wife 
 
 but thought how nice it would be if SOME 
 day they could have an automobile like Mrs. 
 Neighbour across the street, or a couple of 
 maids to come at one's beck and call, or be 
 able to entertain and have fine silver, etc., 
 etc. 
 
 At first the man, loving the woman, tried 
 to fall in line, as is the general rule. She 
 CONTINUED to cultivate her ambitions and 
 her saving propensities. In a word, she be- 
 came a stay-at-home woman. 
 
 On the other hand, he proceeded to culti- 
 vate an opposite habit. For a man doth 
 follow his natural bent. 
 
 So it happened he stayed out to dinner 
 with a friend and joined little friendly parties 
 always, of course, with a " Do you mind, 
 dear ? " attitude toward his wife. The 
 woman went on saving. The man went on 
 enjoying the company of others, for his was a 
 goodly spirit. 
 
 After a while he went his way more and 
 more, and always with the EXCUSE " My wife 
 is such a home body." As a RESULT the 
 woman lived very much within herself. 
 
 She became sullen and morose. She re- 
 mained in a groove. She wondered what was 
 the matter. She thought she was doing the 
 " right " thing, and she could not under- 
 
 [ 116 ]
 
 The Neglected Wife 
 
 stand. Other women looked so happy and 
 bright, and were continually looking forward 
 to the next day or the next week, while SHE 
 was looking forward to next YEARS. 
 
 As is very often the case with women, even 
 having brought it on herself, she assumed 
 the role of the proverbial " neglected wife." 
 She began to " nag " and insist on her 
 " rights." 
 
 Then she took stock. In the aggregate 
 she had not saved so much after all, and she 
 had been living ALONE, as it were. 
 
 Yet it was not such an easy matter now 
 to wean the man AWAY from the friendships 
 he had formed and the comradeship he had 
 enjoyed WITHOUT her. I do not know if she 
 succeeded in bringing back the " good old 
 days " of MUTUAL appreciation of things. 
 
 But this I do know, which forms the moral 
 of this fable : 
 
 THE NEGLECTED WIFE IS OFTEN THE RE- 
 FLECTION OF THE NEGLECTED HUSBAND.
 
 THE STORY OF TWO WOMEN 
 
 ONCE upon a time there were two women. 
 The two women lived in the same town. 
 In fact, they were neighbours. They saw 
 the same sky ; they breathed the same air ; 
 but they were very DIFFERENT women in- 
 deed which is a common everyday occur- 
 rence. 
 
 One woman was a so-called prude. That 
 is to say, she had all through life lived in a 
 narrow little groove, from which, though oft- 
 times invited, she would not be parted. 
 She built up a tablet of right and wrong, 
 acted upon it herself, insisted on her children 
 following it also, and judged those about 
 her accordingly. 
 
 She rarely swerved an inch without the 
 narrow confines of her limited little alley-way 
 of thinking. She would look askance when 
 any one did anything that did not come 
 within the precincts of HER tabulated virtues. 
 
 For example, she arranged her hair tight 
 about her head and thought that women 
 should wear only certain kinds of clothes, 
 etc. You have seen the type. 
 
 [ 118 ]
 
 The Story of Two Women 
 
 She thought that because she lived up to 
 her prescribed rules and regulations all others 
 should, or else they were on the wrong side. 
 All who came within her precincts had to 
 walk the " chalk-line " or be for ever CON- 
 DEMNED in her eyes. 
 
 The other woman was one who had seen 
 something of the world, with its trials and 
 allurements, and formed her opinions and 
 judgments accordingly. She knew what it 
 meant to WITHSTAND temptation as to this, 
 that and the other thing in the way of life, 
 and consequently developed a broader view 
 and a bigger experience. 
 
 In contrast, she believed that the woman 
 who tried to look attractive and happy was 
 not without REWARD for her pay. So she 
 dressed becomingly and sometimes crimped 
 her hair. 
 
 The prude woman, her neighbour, was 
 constantly her severe critic. She was for ever 
 observing the actions of the other, and when 
 they did not meet with her APPROVAL whis- 
 pered it to her neighbour on the other side. 
 If her dress was a little more modish, or she 
 came home an hour or two later than the 
 prude woman thought was " a perfectly 
 proper" time, whether she knew the REASON 
 for it or not, another mark went against her 
 
 [ "9 ]
 
 The Story of Two Women 
 
 and perhaps was voiced at the first oppor- 
 tunity. 
 
 Now, the prude woman thought she had 
 her children following in her footsteps. And 
 from all appearances, as far as SHE knew, this 
 was the case. But, as many other women 
 like her, looking at things from her angle, 
 and having put an iron wall around herself, 
 she did not reckon with youth and temp- 
 tation. 
 
 So ofttimes many childish pranks were 
 untold to the mother for fear of the punish- 
 ment that must follow in the breaking of the 
 rules. So they grew. Eventually one little 
 secret led to another. So it came to pass 
 that a daughter of the prude woman was 
 unwarily being drawn into dangerous waters, 
 from which she would have with difficulty 
 extricated herself. She was starting to go 
 the way she should not, and in her youth did 
 not SEE the breakers ahead. 
 
 It came within the knowledge of the other 
 woman, for the prude mother saw nothing. 
 To make a long fable short, the woman who 
 knew the ways of the world, and UNDERSTOOD 
 the girl, saw the trend of things, and by a 
 process known only to such the way of kind- 
 ness and optimism and forgiveness put the 
 girl on a safer path. 
 
 [ 120 ]
 
 The Story of Two Women 
 
 In a word, she saved her at a crucial time. 
 The girl was stronger on account of it, and 
 even strong enough to tell her mother what 
 the other had done. 
 
 The prude woman, after her first feeling 
 of rebellion, finally reflected. She saw some- 
 what the area of her narrow judgment. 
 She had come to a humiliating knowledge 
 that the woman she had criticised was in 
 reality the BETTER of the two. 
 
 MORAL ! THE BEST JUDGE IS HE WHO IS 
 ACQUAINTED WITH TEMPTATION.
 
 THE IMPRESSIONABLE ONE 
 
 OLD JEsop tells the story of the fox and 
 the crow as follows : 
 
 " A Fox once saw a Crow fly off with a piece 
 of cheese in its beak and settle on a branch of 
 a tree. ' Good-day, Mistress Crow,' he cried. 
 ' How well you are looking to-day ! How 
 glossy your feathers ; how bright your eyes ! 
 I feel sure that your voice must surpass that 
 of other birds, just as your figure does ; let 
 me hear but one song from you, that I may 
 greet you as the Queen of Birds.' The Crow 
 lifted up her head and began to caw her best. 
 But the moment she opened her mouth the 
 piece of cheese fell to the ground, only to be 
 snapped up by Master Fox." 
 
 Once upon a time there was a rich widow. 
 She had a fine house and many servants. She 
 entertained. She was a patroness at musi- 
 cales and art galleries. Clarence dined at her 
 home once a week regularly. At such times 
 he would say to his hostess : 
 
 " Oh, Mrs. Impressionable, what a delight- 
 ful dinner ! Everything was just perfect. 
 And how beautifully you do things, with such 
 little effort ! " 
 
 [ 122 ]
 
 The Impressionable One 
 
 And the answer came joyfully : 
 
 " Won't you come again next Thursday ? " 
 
 When she went to look at an art display 
 the seller would approach her this- wise : 
 
 " Oh, Mrs. Impressionable, I see you look- 
 ing at this wonderful picture. You certainly 
 display excellent taste. It is just the one I 
 would have selected from the entire group. 
 It takes true lovers of art to see the beauties 
 of such a picture." 
 
 And " the true lover of art," believing the 
 TRUTH of the assertion, usually paid out her 
 good coin for the bad chromo. 
 
 When she gave a musicale at her house, 
 the professor told her what a delightfully 
 modulated voice she had, and that if she had 
 it cultivated she would be the envy of Melba. 
 Forthwith she was handing out to the pro- 
 fessor her $10 per half -hour, payable in 
 advance. 
 
 Thus the every-day salver came along, 
 and was " handed out " HIS share. 
 
 But it came to pass that one among them 
 there was who, not content with being a 
 shareholder, wanted to control the WHOLE 
 STOCK. So he proceeded something like 
 this: 
 
 " Oh, Mrs. Impressionable, what beautiful 
 eyes you have ! " 
 
 [ 123 ]
 
 The Impressionable One 
 
 "The better to see you with, my dear/' 
 was the complacent response. 
 
 " Oh, Mrs. Impressionable, what shell-like 
 ears you have ! " 
 
 " The better to hear you tell of them." 
 
 " Oh, Mrs. Impressionable, what a lovely 
 disposition you have ! " 
 
 " The better to appreciate you with, my 
 dear." 
 
 " Oh, Mrs. Impressionable, what makes me 
 love you so ? " 
 
 " To realise a master who understands," 
 was the whisper. 
 
 To make a long fable short, they became 
 engaged. Every day the " master " pro- 
 ceeded in his good (?) work, and the beautiful 
 ear was always susceptible to flattery. One 
 day she signed over some lots, another day 
 some mortgages. For wasn't she the " apple 
 of his eye," and hadn't he told her over and 
 over again of her wonderful perfections, and 
 that none like her lived for him ? 
 
 But like murder the flatterer will out. 
 And so it came to pass that once, accidentally, 
 she overheard him go through the same 
 formula of the flatterer to ANOTHER. There 
 was an axe to grind in the way of a vote 
 at the club. And again she saw the same 
 smooth, suave manner used in the effort 
 
 [ 124 ]
 
 The Impressionable One 
 
 of getting a business transaction " put over." 
 And afterward she also saw these people 
 thrown over when the deal had been con- 
 summated. And when they were over he 
 confided in her how " clever " he had been. 
 
 She realised that SINCERITY was lacking. 
 
 Then the woman saw. For ail his flatter- 
 ing attitude there was a purpose and END. 
 
 She realised that she was to be the MEANS 
 to the end. And though she had " fallen for " 
 much, the stitch in time hurt a bit ; but she 
 came to understand that : 
 
 MORAL : 
 
 " The flatterer doth rob by stealth 
 His victim both of wit and wealth." 
 
 [ 125 ]
 
 THE HUMAN HOUSE-FLY 
 
 AN old fable says : " There was once a bald 
 man who sat down after work on a hot sum- 
 mer's day. A Fly came up and kept buzzing 
 about his bald pate and stinging him from 
 time to time. The Man aimed a blow at 
 his little enemy, but whack ! his palm came 
 on his head instead. Again the Fly tor- 
 mented him, but this time the Man was wiser 
 and said : 
 
 " I will only injure myself if I take notice 
 of despicable enemies." 
 
 Once upon a time there was a woman. 
 The woman liked to talk ABOUT OTHER 
 PEOPLE. In truth, she lived on talk. 
 
 Just when her neighbour was busy some 
 Thursday morning she would fly in and buzz 
 a little while about all sorts of things. And 
 then, by and by, she would send forth a 
 sting. She would tell about seeing a neigh- 
 bour's husband down town talking " very 
 attentively " to " another woman." Horrors ! 
 
 And she would feel bad about "the poor 
 little thing " (the wife), etc. Then the maid 
 next door was discharged, and she said so- 
 
 [ 126 ]
 
 The Human House-Fly 
 
 and-so and thus. Awful things ! No 
 matter how lightly she was waved off, she 
 would come back again and make herself 
 FELT in spite of all. 
 
 Now, it happened that a young woman 
 in the neighbourhood had become the par- 
 ticular target for the talking creature. At 
 every little meeting the talker would whisper 
 to some one : 
 
 " Oh ! I have something awfully good to 
 tell you." 
 
 Then would follow a something " new " 
 she had seen or heard about the particular 
 young woman. 
 
 As things go, it came to the young woman's 
 ears. But she bravely heeded it not and 
 brushed the momentary resentment aside. 
 Yet the woman persisted and finally to the 
 point of TELLING the young woman herself. 
 Then there was an ACCOUNTING. 
 
 The talker was made to PROVE her asser- 
 tion and as usual she could not do so, for 
 it was ALL talk. Everybody saw her as she 
 was a human fly flitting from one place to 
 another, and one ONLY to be regarded in the 
 light of a fly. 
 
 One neighbour after another found excuses 
 for not being " in " when she called. For 
 they recognised at last only a busybody 
 
 [ 127 ]
 
 The Human House-Fly 
 
 a gossip. The woman awoke. For she won- 
 dered why she was not received here, there 
 and everywhere. Soon she found she had no 
 friends. She was shunned. 
 
 For once she saw herself as OTHERS saw 
 her. She was compelled to take counsel with 
 herself, and this was what she found : 
 
 MORAL: GOSSIPS ARE BUT HUMAN HOUSE- 
 FLIES, AGAINST WHICH SCREENS OF EVASION 
 MUST BE FIRMLY PLACED. 
 
 [ 128 ]
 
 "MAY AND DECEMBER" 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a young woman. 
 She came of humble parents. They were 
 good old industrious people, but had accu- 
 mulated no fortune. 
 
 In fact, the rearing of the family usually 
 flattened out the weekly pay envelope, so 
 that there was not very much left in the 
 way of finery for the family and especially 
 for Lily, the girl. In the ordinary course of 
 events the time came when Lily was called 
 upon to contribute her part to the family 
 exchequer in the products of her head, hand 
 and heart. 
 
 In other words, she had to get something 
 to do. So she found a position in an office, 
 keeping files and counting figures. 
 
 She thought her lot was very poor indeed. 
 She looked about at the flying limousines with 
 their richly clad occupants, and regretfully 
 noted the matinee throngs, and longingly 
 ENVIED them their life of leisure. 
 
 So it came to pass that, as Lily was good 
 to look upon, opportunity came to her by 
 which she might become one of those she had 
 
 i [ 129 ]
 
 " May and December 
 
 envied. It came in the form of an old man. 
 He had money and more money the self- 
 same money that buys beautiful dresses and 
 opera boxes and journeys abroad. These he 
 offered unto her. 
 
 Now, as aforesaid, Lily, being good to look 
 upon, had her little heart throbs within her 
 immediate circle. And ONE there was near 
 her own age but then that is ANOTHER 
 story. 
 
 To make a long fable short, this young 
 woman married the old man. For it is 
 an everyday occurrence that youth barters 
 beauty for old age at the behest of Mammon. 
 And everything material that she had craved 
 came to her : the lovely gowns, the matinees, 
 the limousines and the journeys. But always 
 with her was the opportunity the old man. 
 
 She could not escape, for he was part and 
 parcel of it all, and thus this, too, became 
 routine very much as the files and figures 
 which she had learned to despise. 
 
 Years went by, and the hot blood of youth 
 in her veins that longed to be up and doing 
 and living dared not assert itself, for it was 
 marching to the Tune of the Tired. The 
 young eyes had to look through the spectacles 
 of age, for it was all a part of the price. 
 
 Many, many times she thought of that 
 
 [ 130 ]
 
 " May and December 
 
 Other One, and how life would have gone 
 with one whose years nearer matched hers, 
 and who would accordingly note the hour-glass 
 at the SAME time. 
 
 Regret came often. Even the files and 
 figures would now have been WELCOMED 
 with their accompanying opportunity of free- 
 dom and love. Lily had drooped long before 
 freedom came to her again. And she wished 
 she had it all to do over. 
 
 She would look with compassion now on 
 any young woman who had the opportunity 
 of LOVE, and would say unto her this moral : 
 
 " IN THE MATTER OF MARRIAGE MAY 
 FLOWERS CAN NO MORE BLOOM IN DECEMBER 
 THAN DECEMBER SNOWS CAN LAST IN MAY."
 
 THE SUMMER RESORT 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a summer resort. 
 A summer resort is like a " before and after 
 taking " medicine. You have to know how 
 to take it. 
 
 It cures some and kills others. You never 
 can tell until you try it. 
 
 There are various kinds of summer resorts. 
 Some are an ATTRACTION, while others are a 
 DISTRACTION. But all summer resorts have one 
 common characteristic the Porch Brigade. 
 
 The main requirement of joining the 
 band is minding everybody else's business 
 BUT your own. And belonging to no union 
 whatever, it usually works overtime. 
 
 A woman, tired and wan and weary, ar- 
 rived at this place. And even as she came 
 up on the porch the brigade was on hand to 
 " size her up." 
 
 She was neatly dressed and rather attrac- 
 tive, which is the first signal for the target 
 to begin, and later there is the following-up 
 process. 
 
 In the natural course of events at summer 
 resorts people meet each other in various ways, 
 
 [ 132 ]
 
 The Summer Resort 
 
 and the woman met some of the members of 
 the Porch Brigade. They tried to " draw 
 her out," but she kept her own counsel, which 
 was not to the liking of the battling band. 
 
 And thereby hangs the tale of this fable. 
 Horrors ! She had been seen walking in the 
 moonlight with a man, an ATTRACTIVE man, 
 whom the Porch Brigade knew before she 
 came. But how could it know that he was a 
 very dear old friend and that all was quite 
 as it should be ? 
 
 To make a long fable short, the woman, 
 being a sensitive soul, caught their wireless 
 whisperings in the atmosphere, and was made 
 miserable. Her recreation time was SPOILED, 
 and she started for home. 
 
 She left one evening. And when she 
 arrived at the station a situation confronted 
 her. The daughter of the Porch Brigade 
 leader, who had always been heralded as 
 " a dear, sweet, innocent young thing," was 
 about to take a train and do a foolhardy 
 thing she might later have regretted. 
 
 The woman, who was a worker in the 
 world, and thus had learned to forgive and 
 forget, immediately used all her woman's 
 wit and saved the situation and the girl, 
 whom she returned to her mother, who had 
 led the gossip gang.
 
 The Summer Resort 
 
 Then it came home. The BETTER woman 
 of the two was evident to both, and the Porch 
 Brigade lost its leader, who was sorely shaken 
 with the narrow escape. 
 
 In her heart of hearts she framed this 
 moral : 
 
 NOWADAYS NO ONE MAY AFFORD TO THROW 
 STONES. 
 
 [ 134 ]
 
 THE CLIMBER 
 
 relates an old fable as follows : 
 A slave named Androcles once escaped 
 from his master and fled to the forest. As he 
 was wandering about there he came upon a 
 Lion lying down and moaning and groaning. 
 At first he turned to flee, but finding that 
 the Lion did not pursue him, he turned back 
 and went up to him. As he came near the 
 Lion put out his paw, which was all swollen 
 and bleeding, and Androcles found that a 
 huge thorn had got into it and was causing 
 all the pain. He pulled out the thorn and 
 bound up the paw of the Lion, which was soon 
 able to rise and lick the hand of Androcles 
 like a dog. 
 
 Then the Lion took Androcles to his cave 
 and every day used to bring him meat on 
 which to live. But shortly afterwards both 
 Androcles and the Lion were captured, and 
 the slave was sentenced to be thrown to the 
 Lion after the latter had been kept without 
 food for several days. The Emperor and 
 all his court came to see the spectacle, and 
 
 [ 135 ]
 
 \ 
 
 The Climber 
 
 Androcles was led out into the middle of the 
 arena. 
 
 Soon the Lion was let loose from his den, 
 and rushed bounding and roaring towards 
 his victim. But as soon as he came near 
 Androcles he recognised his friend and fawned 
 upon him and licked his hand like a friendly 
 dog. The Emperor, surprised at this, sum- 
 moned Androcles to him, who told him 
 the whole story. Whereupon the slave was 
 pardoned and freed and the Lion let loose to 
 his native forest. 
 
 Once upon a time there was a human 
 climber. A human climber is an individual 
 who, having ambition plus, tries to reach the 
 top of the ladder. There are two kinds of 
 climbers, however, One kind uses all his 
 own energies at every step toward the 
 summit, while the other kind leans on some 
 friend at every step of the way. This man 
 was of the latter variety. 
 
 One day very early in his career, having 
 jogged along in a willy-nilly fashion, arriving 
 nowhere, he saw an opportunity. He was 
 in straitened circumstances and could not 
 embrace the opportunity, as was necessary. 
 So he went to a friend and besieged him to 
 use his strength toward gaining the desired 
 goal. 
 
 [ 136 ]
 
 The Climber 
 
 It meant considerable effort for the friend, 
 but he set about to do it, and finally it was 
 accomplished. And the climber had gained 
 a rung on the ladder of life. 
 
 But no sooner had he arrived there than 
 the achievement of self-satisfaction took hold 
 of him, and he kept looking toward the higher 
 places and forgot to see the friend BELOW. 
 And when the time came that he could have 
 been of similar service to that friend he 
 withheld his help. 
 
 It is a way climbers have. They cannot 
 FORGIVE those who help them get somewhere. 
 They crave the plaudits of the populace rather 
 than the favour of the few. So this man, 
 somehow or other, with a friend to lean on 
 here and there, reached a lofty position, and 
 then thought he was SECURE and master of 
 all he surveyed. Now, it came to pass in 
 the common everyday way that the heights 
 became dizzy and had a tendency to make 
 things turn unexpectedly. 
 
 So that difficulties arose and threatened 
 him, even to the point of his taking a tumble 
 from the top all the way down. He looked 
 all about him for ASSISTANCE, and at last 
 called loudly to those below who had helped 
 him climb. Yet to no purpose. 
 
 He came to a realisation that it never pays, 
 
 [ 137 ]
 
 The Climber 
 
 nor is it just, to forget those who made your 
 path easier. And " the only way to HAVE 
 a friend is to BE one." 
 
 MORAL: WHEN PROSPERITY COMES, BE 
 GRATEFUL TO THE PEOPLE WHO PAVED HER 
 WAY FOR YOU. 
 
 [ 138 ]
 
 THE MAN WHO WROTE LETTERS 
 
 ONCE upon a time there was a man who had 
 many ATTRACTIONS. He seemed to know just 
 what to do and what to say on all occasions. 
 He had poise plus. He had very winning 
 ways that is, he won his way into many a 
 fair lady's heart. He called them " cases." 
 He also went on the theory that one good 
 case deserves another. He always had such 
 a nice way of getting out of these " cases " 
 when he tired of them ! 
 
 One of his FAVOURITE methods was that of 
 doing so many unkind things that the lady 
 had to tell him to go. Thereupon he thought 
 he was " such a gentleman " for not having 
 taken the initiative himself ; which is the way 
 some men have. 
 
 So he travelled the long lane of love. But 
 it, too, has a turning. At the turning he 
 met another girl. Not unlike her sisters 
 who went before, in the vernacular, she fell 
 in love with him, and the course of courtship 
 moved on quite as the others had. 
 
 There were the usual candy and flowers 
 and telephone messages and letters. Now, 
 
 [ 139 1
 
 The Man who Wrote Letters 
 
 as this girl was unusually interesting, the 
 winning process was not so easy, and conse- 
 quently was more ARDENT. He used every 
 wily way that he knew. He led her to be- 
 lieve (as usual) that she was his " first, last 
 and only love," and continued to write- 
 more letters. 
 
 After a time his fickle spirit wanted to 
 float away again, and he began his CUSTOMARY 
 tactics. But this time the " female of the 
 species," a veritable twentieth-century pro- 
 duct, believing in equal rights, was not so 
 easily turned adrift. In truth, she saw 
 through his courtly veneer, and thought he 
 ought to be made an object-lesson. 
 
 Therefore, since the court of Cupid had 
 played her false, she sought another court. 
 And now the " hot from the heart " effusions 
 became Exhibits A, B, C, etc., and the cold 
 gray dawn looked down on them on the 
 Judge's desk. The man wondered that he 
 could have written so many and such PAL- 
 PITATING ones. 
 
 Yet there they were intended for two 
 lovely blue eyes, but now viewed by the 
 populace. He paid the price, and it was 
 a good one. It fulfilled a double purpose, 
 for his methods became so widely known 
 that he could not continue in the SAME game. 
 
 [ 140 ]
 
 The Man who Wrote Letters 
 
 A wise friend whispered the following 
 old moral to him : 
 
 " DO RIGHT AND FEAR NO MAN. DON'T 
 WRITE AND FEAR NO WOMAN."
 
 ONCE upon a time there were a husband and 
 wife. They both did their share in the 
 partnership. That is to say, he went to 
 business and she cared for the home. And 
 they seemed to be well mated. 
 
 But the man got in a groove. So that in 
 the course of time he began to take things for 
 granted that is, as long as he was a " good 
 provider " (whatever that is) therein his 
 obligations ended. 
 
 The woman, though having plenty of 
 comforts and plenty of food, hungered for 
 something else something that Mother Eve 
 handed down to her as her woman's inherit- 
 ance ADMIRATION. 
 
 The wife, as is usually the case, valued her 
 husband's approbation, and continually took 
 pains to do this, that or the other thing, 
 waiting for the word of APPROVAL that is so 
 welcome to every woman, and ofttimes is 
 more compensation than a division of the 
 pay envelope. 
 
 Of course, in the beginning man does not 
 
 [ 142 ]
 
 Man Forgot to Admire his Wife 
 
 forget to praise. In fact, he is eager to 
 notice the SLIGHTEST CHANGE in her hair- 
 dressing or the newest bit of adornment she 
 may affect. But, as is not uncommon, this 
 man forgot those " good old days." 
 
 Therefore it happened that many times, 
 when the woman put on a new dress or a new 
 hat, or in any way sought to win his APPROVAL 
 (as she had been wont to do before taking 
 him for " better or for worse "), in the hope 
 of keeping the fire alive, she always suffered 
 the doom of disappointment. He never 
 noticed it at all. 
 
 One day, upon an occasion of this kind, 
 the man unexpectedly brought home a friend 
 to dinner, and the friend quite naturally 
 exclaimed : 
 
 " Oh, you have changed the way you wear 
 your hair, Mrs. Smith ! How becoming ! 
 How well you look, and what a pretty gown ! " 
 
 " Oh, yes, I made the dress myself," an- 
 swered the wife, beaming with pride and 
 pleasure, and feeling very kindly disposed to 
 the visitor who had noticed her little efforts. 
 
 During the dinner he admired her choice 
 of menu and took two portions of the good 
 pie she had baked. 
 
 Somehow the woman was happier that 
 night. APPRECIATION of her had added a 
 
 I H3 T~
 
 Man Forgot to Admire his Wife 
 
 little sauce to the stale pudding of " just 
 being provided for." Within her was born 
 the desire for the same kind of sauce. It 
 was no uncommon thing for the wife to ask : 
 
 " When is Mr. So-and-So coming to dine 
 with us again ? ' : 
 
 And also it was no uncommon thing for 
 Mr. So-and-So to ACCEPT the invitation. And 
 it seemed that the festive board was always 
 brightened by his coming at least for the 
 wife. The visitor never failed to give the 
 word of appreciation for every effort that was 
 evident. 
 
 To make a long fable short, there came a 
 day when the visitor became a permanent 
 and lawful guest in the home and heart of 
 the woman, while the husband-that-was, by 
 decree of the divorce courts, was relegated to 
 the realm of tactless husbands who think 
 their duty is done when they pay the house- 
 hold bills. 
 
 Since this woman, like many others, pre- 
 ferred a little admiration to a large receipted 
 bill. 
 
 MORAL t THE MAN WHO LEAVES IT TO THE 
 OTHER FELLOW TO ADMIRE HIS WIFE SOON 
 FINDS HE HAS NO WIFE TO ADMIRE. 
 
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