Ex Libris • C. K. OGDEN . ^ Ai <*■■*! ». SMA •te^ V^ THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES ^^4' [^^#, I ^ & ^^ PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS PEICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS BI W H C NATION EDEN, REMINGTON & CO LONDON AND SYDNEY 1893 [All Rights Reserved] PR SI02 N8p. CONTENTS PAGE. What I See, and What I Think The Cottage by the Sea A Mad King Guesses by the Way The Gilt on the Gingerbread A Place of Worship A Conventionally Respectable Person The Kiss Market The Bird-Fancier's Fancies An Old-Established Inn Tricks of the Trade The Wych Elms on the Cliff Things which I Can't Understand The Reaper's Victory Nostalgia of a Devonshire Apple Flotsam of the Sea What the Church Bells Said A Wreck Spiritual Speculation The First of the Singing Birds Acting on the Sly The Days that are Gone Judging by Appearances An Old Vagabond A Parasite The Dead Fisherman's Child A Fine Show and a Small Crop Tried in the Fire On Stilts The Old Lighthouse On the Other Side The Poor Toad's Nocturne VI CONTENTS. PAGE Profitable Piety . . . . . . .55 The Beggar Girl S6 Quid pro Quo 58 A Child of the Gutter's Funeral . 59 A Sacerdotal Toast 61 Far Out at Sea . 64 Hinc Ulae Lachrymae 65 A Golden Harvest . 66 The Force of Backsheesh 67 The Snow in the Country 68 Shows of Grief . 70 The Wallflower . • 71 Borrowed Lustre 71 A Tender Memory • 72 Forewarned Forearmed . 73 The Battle Not Always to the Strong . 75 The World's Auction-Mart . 76 At a Fashionable Spa . 77 A High-flown Vapourer . • 78 The Ivy . • 79 A Dazzled Parvenu 80 'J"he First Bereavement . . 81 Downy Cowardice . 82 Making a Shine 83 The Children on the Sands 84 Lex Fortiorum . 8s A Late Remorse 87 The Pride of Place . 88 A Harvest Song . 89 Eaten Bread Soon Forgotten 90 The End of the Race . • 91 Scaly Hangers-on . 92 The Empty Nest 93 Trencher Friendship 94 A Last Farewell 95 The Tables Turned 96 The Hospital Litter « • * . 99 An Elastic Conscience . . lOI CONTENTS. VU PAGE The Soughing of the Wind . . . . -103 Give and Take .... . 104 Sorrow after Joy . 105 A Biter Bit . 106 A Torrid Noon .... . 108 Cringing a Gainful Accomplishment . 109 The Oak's Dead Leaves . I 10 Paid in His Own Coin . . Ill Saved from Shipwreck . 11.^ Flaying a Ghost ; A Legend of Normandy , 116 What would not Wash . . 118 Cavendo Tutus .... . 121 An Orthodox Malefactor 122 Hush-Money .... 123 Over- Legislation 124 A Crop of Justice ; A Legend of the Rhine 125 Lickdish Opinions 128 The Zoologist .... 129 In the Wood .... 132 A Spiritual Opiate I.W A Happy Queen 134 The Reverse of the Medal 1.^5 Glorified Dust .... 1.38 The Fine Old English Gentleman (from a New Point of View) '.S9 An Exhibition of Insects 142 In Silver Lane ..... 145 A Too Much Up to Date Echo . 146 The Worship of the Rising Sun '47 The Resurrection of the Earth , '49 A Thirty-Nine Articled Clerk's Jeremiad 150 A Blighted Hope '.SZ The Power of Face .... ^53 Known by their Fruits .... '54 A Volley of Epigrams 155 An Unspoken Language 176 Cutting Both Ways .... '77 The White Camellia 178 Generosity on the Cheap 179 Vlll CONTENTS. PAGE A Sudden Storm . . . . . .180 The Policy of Kotou . 181 Isolated Happiness . 182 Out of Luck .... . 183 A Hard-Hearted Beauty . 184 Cheap Courage .... . 185 A Tender-Hearted Beauty . 186 A High-grown Creeper . 187 Making Nothing Out of It . 188 The Cult of the Jumping Cat . . 188 Out of Church on Easter Day . 189 A Time-server's Oversight . 191 A Mid-Winter Day's Glamour . . 192 The Virtue of Not Being Caught • 19.^ The Old Stocks .... • 194 Foiled with Their Own Weapons . 198 The Datura .... • 199 The Retaliation of the Weakest . 199 Sunset on a Chestnut Avenue . . 201 Perit Quod Facit Ingrato . 202 The Night Watch • 203 New Laid Eggs . 203 Under a Grey Sky • 205 Preaching and Practice . . 206 Hoist on His Own Petard . 207 A Kindness Thrown Away . 207 A Night Journey . 208 Fronti Nulla Fides . 209 The Burial Place of the Sailors , . 210 Swimming Under Water . 211 The Dahlia .... . 212 Sabbath Drawlers of Old Saws . . 212 The Year's In Memoriam • 21.^ Only Pearls . 214 Something to Do . 2IS A Whited Sepulchre 215 The Last Leaves of the Aspen . . 216 Suus Cuique Mos . 217 CONTENTS. IX PAGE The Hemlock . . . . . . .218 Sham Penitence . 220 The Were-Wolf . . 221 Outward Show . . 222 Alouds and Asides • 223 A Pomological Amorist . . 226 A Cheap Philanthropist . . 227 Hollow Claptrap . 228 Fallen on Stony Ground . 229 Empty. Headed . • 23a Paillasse, the Showman • 231 Served with the Same Sauce . 232 A Mashed Baker . 234 Creeping Bullies . 236 Shows of Service . 237 Argumentum Baculinum ■ 238 The Last Straw . . 240 First and Second Thoughts . 242 Not There • 243 Love's Favourite Resort . • 245 Other People's Misfortunes . 246 A Too Literal Interpretation • 247 The Same Old Game . 248 Making a Show • 249 The Toy Seller . . 249 The Greasy Pole • 252 A Greengrocer's Shop . • 253 A Holy Sister of the Period • 2S5 An Aquarium . ■ 250 The Dogmatists • 259 Pious Apery . 260 An Erpetological Collection . 261 A Fancy on the Danube • 263 The Really Reverend . . 264 WHAT I SEE, AND WHAT I THINK. I see in church a smooth-tongued priest His congregation's alms implore For 'nighted heathen doomed to rest In ignorance on Afric's shore ; Soon ev'ry eye is filled with tears, And ev'ry plate with gold replete, — I think of th' awful oaths one hears From drunkards in this very street. I see wnthin a field a crowd Around a man of oily face, " I've got a call ! " he cries aloud. And calls himself a " Child of Grace," And vows that all who dare gainsay His creed for Hell are surely bound — I think about the donkey's bray That greets me from th' adjacent pound. I see a duchess seek in state St. James's, upon drawing-room days, A coronet decks her brow elate. On either hand bright jewels blaze ; B PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. Her silken robe with guipures rare, In myriad ruches is richly wrought — I think of what the work-girls wear Who made it in the neighbouring court. I see prepared with great display A banquet meet to celebrate, In worthy guise, th' auspicious day A squire attains to man's estate ; Their pride in such an heir-at-law The guests in lengthy speeches own — I think about that racking jaw Which courtesy bids him bear unknown, I see a sly, litigious screw Bring in a Civil Court a suit, To get, by some law-sanctioned do, A good round sum with costs to boot; The Judge declares the Jury must For Plaintiff find, " So help them, God ! "- I think of starving wretches thrust, For stealing penny loaves, in quod. I see delighted throngs o'erflow A the.itre at Christmas time, Whose oft-repeated bravos show How popular is the painted mime ; They roar with laughter when he speaks. And every droll grimace applaud — I think about his child's wan cheeks. At home by pangs of hunger gnawed. I see within a solemn square A bishop's pompous carriage peer, The Jehu grave with powdered hair, A brace of lackeys in the rear ; PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 3 His lordship's arms in gules and blue (Heaven's own), upon the panels shine — I think of twelve apostles who Walked barefooted through Palestine. I see a general, upon Whose breast gleam stars and ribbons bright For many a field his army won, And hostile legions put to flight, And threatening forts ta'en by assault, His rank and fame at once decree — I think of pensioners fain to halt With wooden legs about Chelsea. I see, sometimes, with air distraught, Fine ladies with the pages play Of works that teem with fruitful thought. Or flash with fancy's scintillant ray. Till off their laps the volumes fall. For they themselves have dropped asleep — I think of the author, and of all The wakeful nights he had to keep ! THE COTTAGE BY THE SEA. Near yonder Cottage by the Sea A garden lies that richly grows Lush blooms, and every Monday those I go to see. Fresh sprays of haw with warm dew wet Relieve the fragrant mignonette, And next the long convolvuli. The daisy, with its starry eye, Regards the rose. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. To yonder Cottage by the Sea, On Mondays, sure, I go to see The flovverful close. In yonder Cottage by the Sea^ A pair of poodles, foamy white, On Tuesdays, for my sole delight, I go to see. Their tails are curled — it might be said Their coats were floss — they're thoroughbred; And when, with ears pricked up, they mark My steps, they dance about, and bark, But never bite. To yonder Cottage by the Sea, On Tuesdays, sure, I go to see The poodles white. In yonder Cottage by the Sea, Tame merles their vocal skill display, Whom every Wednesday, sooth to say, I go to see. And oft they tune their liquid notes To tenderest melodies till the floats Of th' Ocean gently rippling seem To cadence, 'neath the sun's bright beam. Their dulcet lay. To yonder Cottage by the Sea, On Wednesdays, sure, I go to see The blackbirds gay. In yonder Cottage by the Sea There dwells a lady young and fair. Whose deep blue eyes and wavy hair I go to see. 'Tis not to smell the close in flow'r That scents the gale on Mondays, nor PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. On Tuesdays with the dogs to play, Nor Wednesdays for the blackbirds' lay, That I go there. To yonder Cottage by the Sea, Each day I only go to see The lady fair ! A MAD KING. A King one day with speech so odd The silence of his palace breaks, That ev'ry courtier prone to nod In sleepy state with terror wakes ; " Reforms," quoth he, "without delay To execute, I've got a fad." The courtiers to each other say " The King is mad — the King is mad." " Worn artisans, who've the whole week through Passed in their dmgy homes, complain That picture galleries closed to view On their sole holiday remain ; Henceforward let them open be Each Sunday, and the sight make glad Of those who'd fain Art's Treasures see." " The King is mad — the King is mad." " To gaol the honest labouring man Is sent because he laid a snare For vermin that his crops o'erran. But that the Squire's covers bear, No license shall he need to slay The birds that fly, the hares that gad, For all men's property are they." " The King is mad — the King is mad." 15 .0 xx.c^w uxxv, xvxwg PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. ' Poor citizens pining in sick rooms Would soon their shattered health repair Could they but breathe the fresh perfumes Beyond the town that gorse flow'rs bear. None shall a Common now enclose, Too long manor-lords the right have had The public interests to oppose." " The King is mad — the King is mad." "Those in the pulpit who exhort Their poorer brethren to hold This w^orld's good things not worth a thought, Should fain abhor the lust of gold. And that themselves th' example they May set, of each right reverend dad In future I'll reduce the pay." " The King is mad — the King is mad." " My household's crowded by a swarm Of Grooms, Goldsticks, Grand Almoners, Who, though no duties they perform, Draw revenues from the public purse. The people note the Civil List, And say 't's allowed by law to pad, I'll have such sinecures supprest." "The King is mad — the King is mad." " The secularists in my domains. As well as those of many a sect, To worship God within the fanes Of the Establishment object. Wherefore I'll sanction no church rate, Nor doctrines men regard as bad Force them to pay to propagate." " The King is mad — the King is mad." 1 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. " For with this kind of legislating I'll show the people I've th' intent, By their condition elevating, Their stock of happiness to augment. And if both Whig and Tory take Fright at such measures, I'll a Rad The premier of the country make." " Oh ! the King is stark, staring mad ! " GUESSES BY THE WAY. The noon-tide sun's effulgent ray Fills all the vale with luminous sheen, Each lowering cloud has passed away, No mist obscures the clear serene, And grandly gloAvs with opaline dyes Of infinite tones, th' ethereal waste — Perhaps her bright cerulean eyes Upon some new romance are placed. I meet a drove, whose tinkling bells Ring welcome in their merriest peals ; From lime-trees of the neighb'ring dells The chirr of coy cicadas steals. The grove resounds with echoes sweet. The concert of the feathered throng — Perhaps her tuneful lips repeat The burden of some mem'ried song. '&• I cross the rustic bridge that spans The crystal waters of a mere Whereon the stately-sailing swans In robes of spotless down appear, 8 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. And curve their necks with pride to see What witching grace is imaged there — Before her mirror, it may be, She joys to find herself so fair. The woodbine climbs yon garden rail, Near which the lush tube-roses bloom, And with the fragrance these exhale Is blent a clover-field'«; perfume ; In groups, amid these varied flowers, Skilled bees their ceaseless labour ply — Her busy hands, perchance, the hours With needlework may occupy. Beside my path a runnel makes Between its banks a rapid way And cheerly ripples, as it breaks Through weeds that would its free course stay ; Soft skims the dragon-fly along. In pensive wise, its argent breast — My lady broods. Can love guess wrong On whom her lonely thoughts should rest? THE GILT ON THE GINGERBREAD. Ne'er in one's own true colours to show. In the world how oft obtains esteem, Where dressed-up falsehood's comme il faut And naked truths indecent seem ; There gilding's made like gold to shine, For real rosewood there's passed veneer, And all that is not genuine To be so must, at least, appear. PBICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 9 A family of rank, to live in state^ Deeming it to their station due, Keep up a costly country-seat, And a high-rented town-house too; To pay for which such sums they owe, That they from debt are never clear ; Riches they are without, and so To have them they would fain appear. A parvenu enriched by trade. On his drawing-room walls is wont with pride, As his family portraits to parade Those which an auction-mart supplied ; And his own name, which to him sounds low, For a license to get changed pays dear — High Birth he is without, and so To have it he would fain appear, A time-server at a rich man's grave. Deep mourning to assume takes care. Though to him living no thought he gave, But of whom he is now the heir, And forces from his eyes to flow Full many a crocodilean tear — Feeling he is without, and so To have it he would fain appear. A sycophant whose sole aspiration, 'Tis some snug sinecure to own. Is, nathless, in depreciation Of himself to speak at all times prone : But of those who places can bestow, By flattery strives to gain the ear Humility he's without, and so To have it he would fain appear. 10 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. A pharisee in his pew to sit On every Sabbath-day is sure, While th' offertory plates the benefit Of his munificence secure ; And yet, to advance his interests, no Unscrupulous means does he forswear, Religion he's without, and so To have it he would fain appear. A PLACE OF WORSHIP. To a place of worsliip I've oft been. Veiled by no " dim religious '' haze, For there the sunlight streaming in The stainless vault of Heaven displays. No masons work is there revealed By pointed spire, or convex dome, From bells the campanulas yield To rinof clear chimes the skilled bees come. 'tj There th' hig-hest of hi^h altars made By the summit of a hill is found, O'er which the turf green velvet's laid While eold the broom has broidered round. t>^ There purer odours breathes the rose Than fumes that from a censer rise, And holier water no font knows Than that the lily's cups comprise. There equalled by no stone-wrought aisle. Is that with leafy boughs o'erarched, 'Neath which expert in ev'ry style Of chant the feathered choir is perched. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 11 There the woodlark to sing rejoices, Its matins to an air divine, Till in the evening hymn their voices In harmony merles and throstles join. There in each many-formed, wave-washed stone, Choice sermons plainly read may be. While, shaming ev'ry organ's tone, Peals the strand anthem of the Sea. Let who will hold that on set days 'Tis meet to man-built fanes to go, In th' Infinite Church I fain would praise Its Maker th' entire week thro'. A CONVENTIONALLY RESPECTABLE PERSON. The death in the odour of sanctity of A man I've been asked to deplore. Who all through his life never did any harm — When to do it was out of his pow'r. To his fellow creatures in offering help His promptitude nought could exceed. For which in vain to him none ever appealed — When they were not of it in need. How very contented a nature he had Is shown by the fact that he ne'er Was once heard to make a complaint of a wrong — Which others were fated to bear. 12 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. How repugnant to flatter must always have been To his tastes he was wont to denote By striving the favours of no one to gain — Who his interests couldn't promote. How great was the influence 'twas easy to see Of the feeling of gratitude on him, For never ungrateful to any he proved — Save those who a kindness had done him. He ne'er minded the least how much trouble he took For subscriptions to canvass in aid Of every kind of benevolent scheme — Out of which a commission he made. And ne'er did he cease to make manifest how small Was the value he set on his pelf By doling it out with a liberal hand — To get what he liked for himself. And without ever failing on each Sabbath-day He made it a rule to repair To church in the morning and evening as well — That his " brethren " might know he was there. In short, the proprieties he e'er observed, Nor conventional laws disobeyed ; So was a respectable man deemed by all — Who him their model have made. THE KISS MARKET. (^Imitated from an old French Pastoral.) Fair Rose, whose breast was once inspired Far more by greed than tenderness. At her adorer's hands required His thirty lambs for her one kiss. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. la But next day, when Love's prices fell, The swain a better bargain made. For then without demur the belle For one lamb thirty kisses paid. And the day after, grown more tender. Fearful the swain of pleasing less, Had only been too glad to render Her thirty lambs for his one kiss. While now the foolish girl would even With all her fleecy care have bought That kiss the am'rous youth has given To grateful Violet for naught ! THE BIRD-FANCIER'S FANCIES. You, Mrs. Clackett, prompt to show Where scandalous gossip can be got, How yourself slander 'II scape should know, Seeing magpies their own nests foul not. For City men, e'en now in debt. Who in fresh bubble schemes invest, Nor under water fear to get, These divers will bear interest. You, loud-voiced preacher, who would take The hope of Heavenly bliss from all Who dare your bigot creed forsake, Will own a goose has got a " call." You, bound for pagan Afric's strand As missioners, ignoring quite The sins that shame " this Christian land," Will congregate where buzzards light. 14 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. You, ravenous plaintiff, who have sued Defendant, just because you kenned That he was with large means endued. Will to a cormorant's caws attend.- You, grasping lawyer, who know well. Having driv'n rich men to litigate. Whoever gain, your costs 'twill swell, A kite's worth will not underrate. Gay virgins, who to set are taught Your hearts on marrying for gold. Nor of your suitors' tastes take thought, Will flock where gulls may chance be sold, While to that parvenue who knows The way to make a high-born peer For her rich daughter's hand propose, A cuckoo's breed must fain be dear. You, sir, who'd solely get a seat In th' House to satisfy your quest Of some snug place, will fitly greet A creeper feathering his nest. While you, sir, who a title inherit, To show your pride in which you're fain. And yet ha^e nothing done to merit. Will not a popinjay's crest disdain. Sweet William, you, whose good ship bore You safe across the perilous main, When once, on leave, you come ashore The charms of polls must needs detain. Yourself, sir, flattering with the thought That if you only build a church. For all your sins Heaven's grace is bought, You should a trade drive where daws perch. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 15 You, who on cits deal out damnation For going by Sunday trains to pay The God-made country adoration, The worth of noddys can't gainsay. And, fanatics, who as outcasts spurn Poor players, struggling on the stage An honest livelihood to earn, Boobies with you'll be " all the rage." You, carpet-knight, so vain about The military rank you've bought, Yet who when War's proclaimed sell out, A coistril's plume won't set at naught. And, huffish blusterers, you who'd cower 'Neath those whom you with arrogance treat, Now that you think they're in your powder, Will bubblyjocks w^ith fairness meet. You, sombre daff, those hooting at Who would with books free libraries fill Which the ignorant may illuminate, How church-owls can't bear light can tell. And you who that blackcoats believe, On being japanned, sins you commit. Power to forgive, or not, receive. How flycatchers are crammed will weet. Hard beaks, who peck at homeless wretches And Draco-like, with them w^ill deal W^hen guilty of slumbering 'neath hedges For martinets sympathy will feel. While you, wiseacres, who maintain That if the Game Laws were repealed, Farm labourers woiild from w'ork abstain. To woodcocks deep respect w'ill yield. 16 PRICKLY FEAR BLOSSOMS. You, would-be Senator, whose stale cry "The country in peril ! " scares those who attack A firework foreign policy, Ravens will of croaking teach the knack. By you, who seem so shocked that pubs The poor man should with beer provide, Yet wink at swilling " sham " in Clubs, A loon's bill will not be descried. Accipitrine clerics, who though a store Of benefices you now possess. Are on the lay to clutch at more. You when a harpy's gorged can guess. And, you whom these, when they espy A rich advowson in your gift, Can blind with glaring flattery Won't dottrels think of sense bereft. You, smooth whitechoker, who distrain The goods of your parishioners who From paying what you call "gifts" refrain A stork won't as too downy view. And, greedy vicar, who o'er the dead Won't e'en permit the grave to close Till th' hes /iest burial-fees you're paid, You'll ken on what pounce carrion-crows. You, pietists, who'd that wealth's a let Have others think to Eternal bliss, While rich in shady ways you get Where filled's a harrier's pouch will wis. And, featherheads, you on doing intent Like others who the same rank bear, Not what best suits your temperament, Where widgeons flock will be aware. FRICXLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 17 Deep legacy-hunters, you in th' hope Of profiting by his devise, Who to claw some rich moribund stoop Won't duckers in the swim despise. You, swift, fair-weather friends, to flee From those you sought in days bygone Who're a cloud under, sans rue'll see Swallows adore the rising sun. You, hapless pair, who're doomed to live Long years of ceaseless strife, and pine 'Neath th' hateful chain you cannot rive. In praise of coots must yet combine. Whilst you, smug priest, who solemnize Their union, and those who'd make It null and void anathematize. The spot where rooks prey '11 not forsake. AN OLD-ESTABLISHED INN. An old-established inn I know Good board and lodging that supplies For little birds that fain would thro' The winter season ruralize. 'Tis for a cellar of a stream With sparkling Avater filled possest, And without fail each day the same Menu provides for ev'ry guest. And not one drunk could you discover, But when the temp'rate meals that quite Their appetites suffice are over. In giving concerts they delight, C 18 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. And by none is a candle lit Tho' night its darkest shadows spreads, But when the bats begin to flit All go to sleep on feather-beds. And no one in advance engages The beds that matchless hands have made, Yet all will be when Boreas rages Screened by the roof with leaves o'erlaid. And none of being plucked complain, And paid in songs their scores must be, And no notes but their own are ta'en At th' old inn of the Holly Tree. TRICKS OF THE TRADE. Each baker boasts he sells the whitest of bread, Each grocer the blackest of tea, Each brewer that none sell ale bitterer than his. Each fruiterer such sweet fruit as he. In short, that all trades have such tricks is well- known, And yet I am sorely afraid That both t-aders and non-traders often resort To less innocent tricks of the trade. A Sabbatist to roll in his well-cushioned brougham Through the Park upon Sundays won't fail, Nor a ticket to get for the Zoo, on the Works Of Nature his sight to regale. Yet the trains by which then the toil-worn artisans, To breathe fresh country air, are conveyed. He'd have stopped for " profaning the Day of the Lord," For that is the trick of his trade. \ PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 19 A Maw-worm will go to the house of a friend And gorge upon muffins and tea, After which to hear hymns by the company sung He'll deem it quite godly to be. Yet, turning his eyes up, he'll vow that a piece Is godless, upon the Stage played. And that those who their bread earn by playing it are damned. For that is the trick of his trade. A felon whom at last Justice managed to nab In gaol has just worked out his time. And by whom uncommitted, as long as it paid. The calendar 'd scarcely a crime. Yet on platforms he'll boast he's a better man now, Since he has a " convert " been made. Than those who have been honest men all their lives. For that is the trick of his trade. A Draco, who's Justice supposed to dispense When before him are brought homeless wretches. With them with the Law's utmost rigour will deal If they're guilty of sleeping 'neath hedges. Yet a vast reputation for charity he'll gain By the money he's lavishly paid For providing the savage in Afric with blankets, For that is the trick of his trade. A clerical beggar declares that no son Of the Church who's more faithful he knows, Or'd more rightly his bounty direct than a man Who's got of a living to dispose. Yet, though legion the name of the vices may be Which by th' advowee are displayed. He will, without scruple, to them shut his eyes, For that is the trick of his trade. 20 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. A rich divine, who'd a fat benefice hold, On employing a friend is intent. From the patron to buy what to him when 'tis bought His go-between friend will present. Yet at his institution he'll solemnly swear That he ne'er tried the Law to evade By giving for the cure the least consideration, For that is the trick of his trade. A pluralist, who lives on the fat of the land And whom lackeys in purple attend, In a carriage whereon his crest's proudly displayed To church is seen often to wend. Yet he'll from the pulpit declare that the poor Must the good things of this world evade, Or their interests in t'other '11 in peril be placed. For that is the trick of his trade. A smug avowee, who to own a fat cure Of the souls of his fellows is fain From bartering it, as long as 'tis vacant, for gold. Deems it sacrilege not to refrain. Yet he'll put in a parson so old or infirm That he'll soon in the churchyard be laid, That a good price the next presentation may fetch, For that is the trick of his trade. A man of high rank, but of limited means, Is head and ears over in debt. And can bankruptcy only stave off for a time By such " tick " as he's able to get. Yet he'll not others who may be rolling in wealth From trying to rival be stayed In the style that he lives, or the company he keeps,. For that is the trick of his trade. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 21" A tuft-hunting father in haste to " arrange " For his daughter a marriage is prone With a man of high rank, though for him he's aware That the girl her aversion has shown. Yet he'll go about bragging, sajis shame, that his child He a leader of fashion has made, And that thus has her happiness in life been secured, For that is the trick of his trade. A timist for one with whom kinship he claimed, While he lived, deemed that best it would pay His own interests in life to secure, and advance, Not to put himself out of the way. Yet now he's got a share of his relative's wealth, He'll the depth of his sorrow parade By th' amount of deep mourning he's prompt to assume. For that is the trick of his trade. THE WYCH ELMS ON THE CLIFF. {Imitated from the French 0/ A'^ore Lemoyne.) The sky was black, like some vast slate (a true Sky of the English Channel), and the sea Now green as emeralds and now turquoise blue — Like some bird made of snow, and soaring free. In the far distance a white gull, alone. Just at that point where sky and ocean meet. Skimmed o'er the Channel's surging billows prone Each other in their changeless tongue to ereet. 22 ERICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. While to burst into foam the sea was heard Th' old windbeat elm trees three centuries through That on the cliffs have o'er the coast been stirred, As they, by night and day, the breakers view, During that great swell of the sea, whose tone Had dirge-like cadences, e'er whisp'ring low (As if grave secrets to exchange), leant one T'wards the other, then erect again did grow, And their heads lifting with a terrified air. It seemed as though nought could their anguish stay. Ah ! did they know where sank the ships, and where Drowned 'neath the stagnant wrack the mariners lay? THINGS WHICH I CAN'T UNDER- STAND. I know "what's o'clock," I'm "all there," No green in my eye you'll discern, That Queen Anne is dead I'm aware, And that none can the river Thames burn, And that ducks' milk no dairies supply, And that ropes can't be made out of sand. Yet I do not pretend to deny There are things which I can't understand. 'Tis but natural that those who've been pent All the week in close factories should fain Upon Sundays the fresh blossoms scent And list the free singing-birds strain. PPdCKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 23 But — by trains out of town then to fare That a Sabbatist as sinful should brand, While he in his brougham takes the air, That's a thing which I can^t understand. Now, all rational beings are right To keep sober at every feast, And, whatever one's rank, to get "tight" Is simply to act like a beast. But — that Swells should be so insincere As " sham " at their clubs to command, While they'd rob the poor man of his beer, That's a thing which I ca)i^t understand. Now when you your bounty bestow On those who are really in need, 'Tis clearly the right thing to know No distinction of race or of creed. But — that missioners blankets should buy For the savage on Africa's strand. And of cold let our street arabs die. That's a thing which I can^t understand. To poach on land others have got, Whether it be the park of a squire Or a cottager's small garden-plot. Is what no honest man would desire. But — that he should a felon be made For having stray pheasants trepanned Which had on his cabbages preyed, That's a thing which I can^t understand. The man who through life has essayed By fair means a livelihood to gain, If through ill-luck a bankrupt he's made, Must not plead for our pity in vain. 24 PRICKLY PEAU BLOSSOMS. But — that any should with money which they Have got "upon tick " do the grand, And which they've no power to repay, That's a thing which I can'i understand. A man who's of talents possessed. And so to employ them is fain. As may his fellow-creatures serve best, Ought the meed of his labour to gain. But — that from the Public a swarm Of State-paupers support should demand Who no public duties perform, That's a thing which I can't understand. If the shores of old England t' invade A foreign foe e'er should intend, Ev'ry effort, of course, should be made Our hearths and our homes to defend. But — that heavily we should be taxed For sending out armies that land May in the far East be annexed. That's a thinor which I can't understand. t> A man may be wrong in his views, And, certainly, all who think so Have the right to attempt, if they choose, By honest discussion to show. But — in countries supposed to be free. That he for his creed should be banned From taking his seat as M.P., That's a thing which I catt't understand. Of what once his station might be. To feel ashamed no person need, By sheer force of merit if he In rising above it succeed. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 25 But — that upstarts for those who in their Early struggles had given them a hand No feeling of gratitude should bear, That's a thing which I can't understand. THE REAPER'S VICTORY. (^Imitated from the French The night was by nor moon nor star Illumed, and he a little fear Begins to feel, at first, Nathless, his way does he pursue Crosses the yard, and gets into A pathway of the hurst. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 117 The very spot, soon, having neared Where 'twas that the were-wolf appeared By rumour propagated, Behind tiie bole he takes his stand Of a w^eird, withering wych-elm, and. There, its arrival waited. Ten — twenty — thirty minutes sped, Yet, meanwhile, nothing showed a head, Till he quite patience lost But that the mystery should be Solved, once for all, determined, he Remained still at his post. When, suddenly, were seen the sprays To stir, and to his wondering gaze A corpse w^as there displayed, A winding sheet its sole attire, •Slow walking, that, with each arm, dire Gesticulations made. As quick as thought, he's on his guard. Tight grasps his cudgel, and toward The ghost, unscared, advances. With arm upraised, " Come on ! " he cries, ■*' You scoundrel ! " and to exercise His skill on it commences. So unexpected's this attack That, soon, the were-wolf tracks to make Is fain, without ado. But the other with some jester sure He has to do, now, all the more Boldly does it pursue. 118 FRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. The ghost thus run hard, and now grown Quite done up on its knees falls down And pity does implore, Heedless of which its foe bestows On it full twice as many blows As he'd bestowed before. While " For your pains," he cries, " take that I And that ! By this you game to make Of people taught will be," Which warning to accompany, quick, With further blows that from his stick Were well laid on was he, When all at once the phantom who The voice of his opponent, now. To twig the power had Begins in wrath blent with dismay To yell out, " Stop ! wretch, stop ! I say^ Stop ! or you'll kill your dad ! " 'Twas, e'en, his dad, the farmer who. His lease now run out, to renew On better terms did lust, And, that those after it kept off Might be, thought 'twas the finest move "io play at being a ghost. WHAT WOULD NOT WASH. i^lmiiated from the French of Pons de Verdun.) A wind-bag hailing from the Thames's strand (Though you'd have thought 'twas from the Gascon's land). In his smug villa, not far from Cockaigne, Even as necessitous as he was vain PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 119 Erewhile, lived with his maid-servant, and she The biggest juggins was you e'er did see, Her age nineteen, and, though no sheep did her In mildness match, as silly was, 'tis clear. Of fifty dinners, which, his rounds amid His neighbours and relations each year through, When making, were to Blusterwell supplied His general custom was to pay off two 'Twixt each their distance so contriving that From fragments that did from the first remain The second, mostly, to be cooked was fain. Which clearly rendered their expense less great. One evening, a Bank Holiday 'twas, I trow, When that first dinner was but half-way thro'. An awkward guest, whose hand had slipped, a plate Of jugged-hare on the table-cloth upset, The only one, and, so, to change it, you May guess was not an easy thing to do, Yet, ne'ertheless, he, brazening it out, Cried to the maid-servant, " Let there be brought Another table-cloth ! " " What ? Master, why ? " With the most simple air did she reply, " You know quite well that you have only one." " Where have you come from ? Have you by the Moon Been struck that like a lunatic you stand ? To credit you'd be the height of foolishness, I've but one, here, but in the linen-press Upstairs, have I not one?" "Well, well, dear friend, A hundred thousand in reserve had you We should indeed be quite bereft of sense Did we consent attendance here to dance While cleared's the table, and relaid anew, Let us, then, finish, as begun we had." To hear the echo of his thoughts too glad 120 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. The host gave in, and vowed the cloth so stained, Since 'twas their earnest wish, should be retained. Gaily the dinner did its progress make Nor leave did of their host, till late, they take. But when he was alone left with the maid In what choice language he did her upbraid You can suppose ; "Oh! brainless nincompoop, Must I, through you, to shame be e'er held up ? Does, like an idiot, ever one proclaim That one does not what, e'en, one could possess ? No ! one reflects, and some excuse to frame Is prone, which goes down if framed with address, Whereby no awkward contretemps is wrought. Thus, when I called to you, ' Let there be brought Another table-cloth,' you should have, pat. Said, in reply, ' You know, sir, quite well that 'Tis at the wash ' — or something of that sort." " I answered badly, sir, I can't deny, I'm sorry for it, and shall profit by The lesson, and more on its being heeded E'en than my prayers, by me you may rely." Well ! soon, a second spread the first succeeded. And when before the guests dessert was set One of them, sudden, said, " To beg, I'm fain In all our names, that you'll the wine us let Have up, the gout of which could not be beat. We thought, last year ; we really long again To drink some more." Ah ! none was left of it. But Blustervvell took care not this to avow. " You would ? Well, for you I've kept some till now, What's left than what you've had's e'en finer yet, Here ! Betty ! Betty ! " Betty in did dash, " Go, and for us that Perrier-Jouet find That's in the vault the puncheon just behind." "Why, sir," she feeling certain not a hash Of her reply to make, this time, rejoined, " You know quite well that it is at the wash ! " PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 121 CAVENDO TUTUS. There happened, on a time, a hen By some disease attacked to be So serious that to diet fain And keep her roosting-place was she. Of which soon as a fox had heard In haste, he from his terrier ran, And when he'd reached the poultry-yard Thus, 'cross the pales, to yelp began, ■" How are you, now, my dearest friend ? You laid up I'm so grieved to see, But do hope, soon, your health may mend, And that set on your legs you'll be. ^' Say, where's of your complaint the seat? From change of temperature have you Caught cold, or cramp from getting wet. Or the pip, long, being cooped up through ? *' In any case, such fame I've got For curing all complaints, that you Will, wanting medical aid, to put Yourself quite in my hands well do." *'■ Ah ! Reynard, as a doctor you To cluck Dame Partlet, then, made speed, If I called in, I feel 'tis true No other, henceforth, should I need, ^' But you, on whom to try your skill Must for some other patient look. For I, indeed, though, now, so ill, Should better be, if to earth you took." 122 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. If you to a lickdish's soft soap Will but a similar answer cede, You'll do as well, since he's the hope That, thus, he may you pill, and bleed. AN ORTHODOX MALEFACTOR. A cracksman, who'd one night the skill A lustre from a Church to pill, And chalice richly chased, And burnished gold Communion-plate, The swag, with such good biz elate, Before his pal, now, placed ; But he, as the devote to play A pile to make the surest way He'd found in his vocation. Turning the whites up of his eyes, And with hands folded, in such wise, Thinks fit to improve the occasion. " Oh ! wanderer unregenerate From th. true fold, no sin's so great As that you've perpetrated. And you how spiritually destitute Must be burglarious hands to put On objects consecrated!" "Why, what has," with unfeigned surprise, " Come over you ? " the other cries, " Do you for turning square Now, e'en, set up ? and are no more, You fain the cribs which you, of yore, Have cracked in mind to bear ?" PRICKLY FEAR BLOSSOMS. 12a " Oh ! I, as much," is prompt to say His pal, " as any on the lay, For jobs like those was known — " " Indeed," strikes in the other, " that You, I've heard say not even at Bloodshed to stick were prone." "That, too, I grant," 's his pal's reply, "Yet, in our business my hand's by No sacrilege been stained, Ah ! I'm by no remorse beset Since I, through life, thank Heaven for it^ Religious have remained ! " HUSH-MONEY. 'Tis said with long remonstrances A son of Albion to address Its Premier once was fain On many a public grievance that 'Twas, he declared, the unjust fate Of the English to sustain. But as, forsooth, the cause which made Him grumble so, the Premier had The skill at finding out Ere he'd his Jeremiad closed, " Dear sir," his hearer interposed, " That you, I cannot doubt " For the dissatisfaction that You with the country's present state So well express, have but Too much cause got, although a plan I've hit upon, by which I can. Full soon, straight all things put.'^ 124 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. " What remedy so certain, and Prompt, at the same time, to demand," The other quick, was prone. "You may that 'twon't be long feel sure," The Premier made reply, " before It will to you be known. " But, first of all, you must that there Exists a post be made aware. Held under Government That's worth a thou' a year, and but Vacant to-day, in which to put You now is my intent." To all, then, he did urging in The Government's behalf begin The mugwump praise does give, In the end admitting that there can Be found no happier people than Those who in England live. OVER-LEGISLATION. The speedier that his country he From a grave crisis might set free. In which it had been placed, A law-giver no better plan That there could be decided than To have the laws increased. Now, meantime, happening ill to fall, He feels it requisite to call His doctor in, and by The latter, for his case, he is Advised that different remedies He, all at once, should try. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 125 " Well, but," exclaims the patient, " why So many of them, doctor, I Must ask you to explain? " "That, sir," does, quick in answer, say The doctor, " you the speedier may Your health get back again." " But it is obvious that amid Those remedies," the invalid Is on protesting bent, " Some the desired effect will, sure That e'en, the others had the pow'r To operate prevent." ' Excuse me, sir, that I've made out A wrong prescription there's no doubt, Was Pill's reply, " but that I thought 'twas only right by me Your malady should treated be As you your country's treat." A CROP OF JUSTICE. A LEGEND OF THE RHINE. There in a convent dwelt of yore Some monks who, caring little for The means, were ever fain, So that the taste they'd cultivated, For high old times, e'en, might be sated To add to their domain. 126 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. Now, in their heads it ran, one day, That they'd convert, without delay, To their own use a field, Of more than fifty acres, near Their convent which, for many a year, In peace, a neighbour held. But, seeing that to the land his claim None questioned till the monks, sans shaxae, That they had one contended 'Gainst such a try-on that a fight To make convinced 'twas only right The action he defended. But, by ill-fate, the monks had o'er The judges of the day such pow'r That Judgment to deliver They did not venture, but thought fit The cause so oft to adjourn that it Seemed as 'twould last for ever. And by his powerful enemies With ban, he even threatened is And excommunication. As if, to wear him out, enough There was not in the worry of Protracted litigation. Till he, one day, is bent upon Approaching them, and making known To them that he the suit To a final issue has to bring Determined, by surrendering The estate that's in dispute. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 127 And only one condition he Asks that attached thereto might be, To- wit, that he might have Leave once the field to sow again And make use of the product, when It signs of ripeness gave. The monks, that this result had filled With rapture, their assent to yield Are to these terms in haste, So, straight, a clearly-worded deed Being in due form drawn up, the seed Is in the Earth's bosom placed. And every monk when Spring draws nigh In the ardent hope he'll soon enjoy Possession of the field Comes, all agog, to scrutinize What the owner does that it devise Shall as his last crop yield. But lo ! there is no germ of wheat, Of barley, or of rye, or that Of any grain displayed. And, here and there, alone, in lieu. Some young shoots breaking forth to view With delicate leaves arrayed. The monks it difficult the kind Of plants, at first, to make out find On which they bend their looks, But very soon they pale to turn With fear begin as they discern I'hat the crop is ground-oaks i 128 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. Thus, the landowner (to the joy Of all just men) the monks did by As they by him had done, For when the oak tops did overpass The monastery's roof, to grass They, long ago, had gone ! LICKDISH OPINIONS. {Imitated from the Fre?ich of Pons de Verdun.^ One evening, as he at his table sat To Bigpot a small packet was addressed On the envelope " immediate " was impressed, " Faith ! " says he " gentlemen, this happens, pat. My portrait 'tis this covering below Alter a month's delay, which I find, now, You will, sans complaisance^ to judge it please You'll say, if, as to think I am inclined The artist was mv features skilled to seize." The portrait circling round from hand to hand As an unequalled likeness all commend Says Suck, "A master-piece of painting see!" Says Surf, " A speaking likeness 'tis dear friend ! " Says Picktbank, " Nought more true to life could be!" While, in this style, alike, with mouths and eyes, In flattering each lick-dish with th' other vies, Sudden, a note is placed their host before Who opens it, and reads, " Excuse me, for This moment I the error have found out Which you deludes ('twas in my absence wrought), One portrait for another to receive You've chanced — that of Got-up, the famous actor, Which, if the bearer you will please give back, sir. He's authorized by me you yours to give." PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 129 THE ZOOLOGIST. Vain fops, invariably on view, Got up regardless of expense, On Sundays, " walking in the Zoo," What puppies cost give evidence. Small gent, whom for a swell you yearn That all the " upper ten " may take, You, th' imitative art to learn, The ape your schoolmaster should make. When bigots working men denounce Who'd breathe fresh air each seventh day And bid them Sunday trains renounce. They'll want an ass applause to bray ; While, Shallow, you who deem impure Th' amusements at a penny gaff, Yet did hops at th' Argyll endure, Should be a good judge of a calf. You, tourists, head and ears in debt Through playing in a Monaco Hell With legs who fleeced you at roulette. What silly sheep are worth can tell. You, drawing from that sinecure By you, my noble chaffwax, graced, Each quarter-day an income sure, A sloth's just what will suit your taste. Ah ! poor Job Caudle, curst by fate To groan 'neath th' hymeneal chain, And own a foul-mouthed scold for mate, Of shrews you'll hardly dare complain. Miss Murdstone, you whose cruel delight 'Tis like a brute a child to treat, Until you crush its spirit quite, A bear'll from you indulgence meet. K 130 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 'Cute senator, who, when you discover Your party's lost all chance of place To th' opposition ranks go over, You'll like " the house " rats use to grace. Miss Tattle, you, by whose aspersion, When cast upon them, e'en the best Of names get soiled, will no aversion To a skunk's foul tail manifest. You, plaintiff, who, to th' honest plea Defendant pleads make replication, 'Ware that a man of means is he, A vampire'll claim you admiration ; Snide lawyer, who in litigation. So that your client's cause you gain, Resort to ev'ry sly evasion, A fox's actions won't disdain. Rich heiress, you who feel such pride At being by the nuptial knot To a spendthrift of high lineage tied, Can make out how a cony's caught. And, artful legacy-hunter, who Seek a rich moribund's ear to gain For that he'll cut up fat you know, You can why tigers crouch explain. You who your reason though God it Revealed, to reasons that men show, Who judge no better than you submit, Buffaloes led by the nose won't cow. And th' upstart, who his nature shows More base the more advanced he's been. Should ascertain how th' higher it goes, The more a monkey's tail is seen. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 131 By you, Squire, prompt in th' House, to state You'll in the way of Progress stand Since you each onward movement hate The steps a mule takes won't be banned. Glib homilist you on showing bent That a rich reprobate ne'er does wrong If he to a benefice can present. Will weet how wagged' s a jackal's tongue. Soft avowee who' re flattered sure To feel when by a parson praised, Who hopes thus to obtain a cure. You can't doubt where a greenhorn's raised. And you who get, the Law to evade, Some friend for you a cure to buy, For which you'll swear you never paid, At filling a wolf's skin won't shy. Sly rum, you who tithes won't delay At the value of money now to rate, Yet first fruits as first valued pay, A hog's w^orth won't depreciate. Sleek pluralist, who Church -dues will E'en from the poorest claim, and when Unpaid, quick, up defaulters sell. You'll on what gluttons come down ken. Gay virgin, putting up your heart To him who bids th' highest for sale At every season's marriage-mart. To know a colt's worth you can't fail; And you, rich men, of whose largesse Mean sycophants have been the reapers, What gratitude you'll get can guess. From watching quaggas kick their keepers ! 132 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. IN THE WOOD. {Itnitated from ati Old French Bucolic^ An amorous swain invites his love, On meeting her at break of day, With him through yonder wood to rove And scent the fragrant opening May; But when he takes her arm in his. She says in wrath, " I wonder how You dare to take such liberties. Just let me be. Sir, for I know Mamma would never that allow." Yet ne'ertheless full soon the pair Clean half-way through the wood are found, And by some strange manoeuvre there, He gets his arm her waist around ; But when her feeble struggling's o'er. She says, the while she knits her brow, " Though far less crossly than before — " Please let me be, Frank, for I know Mammr. would never that allow." A minute after, Frank presumes, Encouraged by his late success. E'en as she culls the dewy blooms. From her moist lips to cull a kiss ; But when he'd fain the theft repeat. She says, in tones so soft and low That, p'raps, his ear they didn't meet — ^^ Do let me be, dear, for 1 know Mamma would never that allow." PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 133 But when the Sun has sought the bed Of the deep blushing Western Sea, Rosette, whose cheeks are just as red, Sits quiet on her sweetheart's knee; And the kiss he had once the face To steal, she freely gives him now. While, with a witching smile, she says — " Ah ! darling, such true joys to know Mamma my heart must needs allow." A SPIRITUAL OPIATE. 'Tis said that, as, one Sabbath day, The morning service being ended, From church, across the fields, his way T'wards home a country parson wended, He chanced to pass a toil-worn peasant, Whom, knowing that he ne'er omitted At either service to be present. He in this flattering manner greeted : " Well, Hodge, now you, who work so hard Six days each week, indeed as blest Must, more than many, the seventh regard, And as a well-earned day of rest ; " Moreover, of that day how right A use you make, my worthy friend, For then I've noticed, with delight, Your church you regularly attend." Hodge makes a scrape, and, in reply, Says, " Zhorely, zur, I doesn't know A day that's blesseder to I, Who works cruel hard the whole week thro', 134 PPICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. " Zo when each Zabbath-day comes roun', I goes, jist as you zes I ought, To church, and there I zits me doun, Tucks up my legs, and thinks o' nought." Ah ! though without Hodge's excuse for it. From th' exercise of Thought e'er shrinking, How many church-goers are fain to let The parson for them do their thinking ! A HAPPY OUEEN. (^Imitated from the French i the Fretich.) "Silence in Court I'll have," with rage, Exclaimed the learned personage Who over it presided. " There's such a noise that, 'pon my word, Out of ten cases I've decided Not one of them I've heard." A WATER SILLY. {From the French.) One fine June day, while bathing in the river, A clod into a pit to fall was seen. Some swimmers took the trouble to endeavour To drag him out. Nor failed they, or he'd been, Beyond doubt, drowned. When he perceived the shore His senses he recovered by degrees So well that, courage plucking up once more, He Heaven called on in such terms as these ; " Of bathing, if henceforward I am fain, Let my desires be changed without delay, For in the water I'll ne'er go again, Until to swim I shall have learnt the way." A VERY OLD STORY. {Fro?n the French.) A schoolboy, hearing with surprise Two beldames each aged eighty years. And dowagers. The present time anathematize, PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 171 Exclaimed, " Don't, grannies, fret your eyes, Two centuries hence this age you curse. All who are temporis acti worshippers. As ' good old times' will eulogize." AN UNBLUSHING MUGWUMP. {^From the French.) To assume ev'ry colour so prompt he has been That he's said a chameleon's nature to own, Ev'ry colour? How one's to exaggerate prone ! To blush I have ne'er yet him seen. FEATHERING HIS NEST. {From the French.^ A place-hunter six children who'd begot. And who'd in th' House a seat, was wont each night To say, "I, always, sir, to give my vote For ev'ry Government's measures deem it right.'* His friends of such repeated statements tired. Remarked, " What is't that, now, you seem to dread ? Has not each child of yours a place acquired ? " Said he, " My wife will soon be brought to bed.'^ CHEAP AT THE PRICE. {From the French. ~) " 'Tis, my Lord Squander, of the best Of cloth that Snip has cut your vest, 'Twas fifteen crowns an ell." " Egad ! That's dear." " But it ' on tick ' was bought." " Scissors ! a bargain, then, you've made ; Your waistcoat you've obtained for nought." 172 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. A HYPOCRITE PAR EXCELLENCE. {From the French?) An evildoer who'd in his trade grown grey Of vice, alike the model and instrument, Made for himself to Fortune a new way, Louder than any lay-clerk, as he went From choir to font he prayers was heard to say, While with this novel exercise, one day, He on himself exerting was intent. Said Satan, " Do you serving me repent? My trusty friend, this alteration's queer, How dull th' affairs that, now, your time employ." *'The devil's no fool," he, aside, said, with a leer, " If I to him a devotee appear. Of making more dupes what a chance have I ! " A FULL OF BEANS TITHER. {From the French.') A prelate who great possessions owns Having observed, in boastful tones, " I can't divine how one can live When one less than ten thou' a year has got," ^' Your grandsire," one who heard him says, " could give You th' information by you sought." A BEREAVED NEPHEW. {From the French.) Miss Marigold's nephew Pickthank made Cocksure ere she 'neath th' earth was laid, That she'd a plum to him devise. But all that he's inherited Being scarce a doit, " I should," he cries " Feel as pleased if Aunt wasn't dead." PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 17S PLENTY OF BRASS, BUT NO SILVER. {From the French.) Wherefore to feel surprise think fit ? Lord Squander's beggared, and in spite of that He's always served, you say, on silver plate. What then ? He borrows none but it. A BLUSTERING LICKDISH. {From the French.) "I always," Smellfeast says, "dine out." That he speaks truly I've no doubt, Because of dinners he'd have none If nobody e'er gave him one. THE CRIME OF BEING FOUND OUT. {From the French.) At last an artful magsman was Run in, though wanted long in vain. Being in the witness-box, " Alas ! I've done far worse," to cry he's fain. What's the crime which he of committing Pleads guilty he the Judge to apprize Is asked, "Why, s'elp me bob ! 'twas letting The coppers nab me," he replies. STOLEN FRUIT NOT THE SWEETEST. {From the French.) I'm far from any pleasure feeling, Fair Rose, from you a kiss in stealing, But find the taste most exquisite, Of that I by my merits gain. While goods illgotten, I maintain. Their owners never benefit. 174 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. A LEGACY-HUNTING MOURNER. {FrojJi the French.) A spendthrift in a blazoned carriage, Miss Moneybags, you marks eagerly, You fancy that his aim is marriage. His aim's your Will to profit by. He thinks that to him your last hour'U give Possession of your property ; But if you'd have him for you grieve Don't leave him anything when you die. TOPPED UP ON THE CHEAP. (^From the French ?j Himself being dressed up to the eyes. Lord Squander's ever prompt to fleer My coat, which he says, testifies To having been two years in wear. To say that he is wrong, I won't ; My coat is that old, I allow. But, on the other hand, I don't, Like him, for coats a tailor owe. DOSSING AT OTHER PEOPLE'S EXPENSE. (^trom the Fiench?) A swindler who by shady specs Grew rich, being fain to do the grand Flashes before our eyes his hand That a high-priced carbuncle decks. One might say fairly, seeing there The ring in which that stone is set, A ring's not for his finger fit. He ought one on his leg to wear. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 175 A SCANDAL-MONGERING SMELL-FEAST. (^FrotTi the French.) Of hunger 'tis manifest that Backbite would die, Sans the dinners that e'er, as a guest, he frequents, For never his mouth, being so ready to lie, Will he open, except at another's expense. ONE FAIR REFLECTION ON ANOTHER. {From the French.) Amaryllis in her glass oft fain To fancy that so fair she's shown, Makes me feel desperate, since 'tis plain She's amorous of herself alone ; In love affairs you'll " bad biz " do, Your mistress being your rival too. A STOCK-IN-TRADE OF CHARMS. {From the French.) You shouldn't say that Miss Dudess Does not a single charm possess. To speak thus, sure's inaccurate ; Learn, if you would the truth get at, She has at home so many that Some t' every belle she can regrate, Or if the same thinsf vou'd that I Say in a way less roundabout If charms Miss Dudess is without She well knows where she them can buy. 176 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. CHARITY THAT IS PUFFED UP. (From the Fre?ich.') E'er prone his bounties to parade Before some guests that he'd invited To dine, a hierarch delighted, His store of silver plate displayed ; Bowls, salvers, spoons and forks, in short, The chef-d-oeuvres by crack goldsmiths wrought. Were a fine sideboard seen to lade ; But the guests showing astonishment, Th' episcopalian vapourer said, " All this the poor, 'tis my intent, Who're in my diocese shall share." Said someone, then, " There's no denying That the gift's large, yet you could spare, As well, the cost of it supplying." AN UNSPOKEN LANGUAGE. {^Imitated from an Old French Eclogue.') " My heart for you, sweet Rosalie, Is kindled by Love's burning flame, Oh ! that you would confess for me Your tender heart may be the same." " No, Robin, no, You ought to know Albeit a girl in secret can Joy in th' affection of a man She needn't sav so ! " PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 177 " But with a word there is no need To say that you return my love, A passionate kiss from you's a deed Which, of itself, enough would prove." "No, Robin, no, You ought to know That kiss a girl will never give, When stol'n she laughs in her sleeve, But needn't say so ! " Robin at last, a kiss has ta'en, But she keeps silence all the while; Boldly he robs her lips again Till o'er them plays an artful smile. " Yes, Robin, so You clearly show That in Love one can with ease Th' avowal make that's sure to please Without speaking tho' ! " CUTTING BOTH WAYS. A cleric, 'tis said, his tithes to get On a quaker barber served a writ Whose tongue, as by this tale is seen, Was than his razor no less keen. He seeks at first an explanation From plaintiff why with litigation He should annov him, since he felt Sure that with him he'd never dealt. " For tithes," the pastor's prompt to say. " For tithes ? on what account, I pray? " N 178 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. " For preaching in the church." " But, friend, Since I to church my way ne'er wend, 'Tis clear to pay thee I have nought." " But, sir," is the hieratic retort, " You might, for you would find my doors Open at all convenient hours." To this Friend Suds makes no response But's fain for forty shillings at once The clerical litigant to sue Which from him, he contends, is due. 'Tis now the divine's desire to know For what the money he might owe. " For shaving, friend." " For shaving ! Ne'er Have I been shaved by you, I swear." " No, but thou might'st have come to me, And been shaved if thou'dst wished to be, For thou would'st open find my doors. Like thine, at all convenient hours." THE WHITE CAMELLIA. (^hnitatcd from the French of A. Spinelli.) The alabaster's lustre, pale daybreak, Nuphars that nacreous waters close around, Wing of a turtle, snow yet free from speck, Unsere magnolias that with gloss abound. Pearl that the Ocean on its breast break views. The May-moon's ray, the Parian marble's grain That the sun floods with light, own less white hues Than my complexion near which lilies wane. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 179 Th' enchanting charm, the grace supreme, sought o'er The brow a diadem circles are my dower, I e'en an angel's spotless candour show. Of th' ideal beauty, the seductive power, I've all a girl can dream of here below, All — save perfume which the heart is of a fiower. GENEROSITY ON THE CHEAP. A crafty wolf to quit compelled By hunger an adjacent shaw, And who, while prowling in a field, By chance a heap of barley saw, ^' Oh ! what a prize," with wagging tail, Exclaimed, " were I of th' ovine breed Would this be, since sheep, I recall. That barley, bleat, is peerless feed." Then to this seeming windfall stole. Then, keenly, it began to smell. And soon to taste, then, with a howl, Did from him in disgust repel. But as a horse, turned out to grass. Just at that moment came in view, "• Old boss," thus quick to greet him was, " Come here, I've looking been for you. ^'The choicest tit-bits in this pile For you I've hoarded, and to see You now your head off eating will. Sure, seem the height of bliss to nie. 180 PBICKL7 PEAR BLOSSOMS. ''But for himself another fain These cerealia would guard ; For my part, rather I'd abstain From them if not by you they're shared." The horse, who'd now drawn near, being led Politely by the wolf to the heap, "What!" glancing at it, drily neighed, " Barley ! Of that yourself to strip "For my sake, courtesy was, indeed, And for which to requite you now, A dead ass which I've in yon mead Just found I will on you bestow. " Though for himself that animal food Another'd but to guard be bent. Yet Heaven forbid than you I should Be at all less beneficent." Credit, a cheap philanthropist For offering someone else what he Knows for his mill can be no grist. To take prompt as this wolf will be. A SUDDEN STORM. {Itnitafed from the French of Camille Delthil.) Rigged is the ship, the national flag to float, At the wind, fain is o'er its mast so proud, With all sail set, it, vibrating shoots out, And cheered is, as they watch it, by the crowd. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 181 Unruffled's th' azure, by the breeze caressed Is th' Ocean, whose wrath does so easily rise, All of good omen seems, and, gone to rest. The sailor of the East's treasures dreaming lies. Long has the gallant ship sailed 'neath calm skies, Down yonder unknown countries one descries, But, at the horizon what's that black speck shown ? The hurricane, oh ! horror, straight, rise up Huge walls, the sea roars, and its jaws wide ope. Now, close. — There, has the three-master gone down ! THE POLICY OF KOTOU. A lion who'd, escorted by A dog and fox, a-hunting gone, And, with their aid, a rare supply Of deer had managed to run down, " That you," then, to the first to roar Was heard, '' it is ordained by me A fit division of our store Of game should make between the three." Now Tray, fain to act upon the square, And sans a wish to nibble being. Such equal portions made that there How to make choice had been no seeing. His sense of justice, though, contented, In no respect this lion, who Being quite as fierce as he was painted. Poor Tray, sans hesitation, slew. 182 PMCKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. The lion then to Reynard turned, And gave to him a like behest, Who, honesty now having learned Of policy was not the best, On well considering what would be His bacon the sole way to save, In the shares, fresh, allotting he The smallest for himself did leave. Seeing which, " for how long," did inquire, The lion, " have you been so skilled? " " Oh ! ever since," yelped Reynard, " sire, I saw our fellow-hunter killed." A suck at the order of those who Are over him of power possessed. Will, thus, all principle forego To make secure his interest. ISOLATED HAPPINESS. {Imitated frovi the French of Louis Ratisbonne.) Two plough horses who'd had a heavy spell Of work regained the farm. When, nigh, reposing, Tray noticed them, he, half his eyes unclosing, His tail wagged, barked, and asleep once more fell. " Is he not blest 1 " one horse neighed to his yoke- mate. " To loll his tongue in the air, and sleep, they say. At night with one eye, and with both by day, Is yon dog's lot, and our's to toil and sweat." PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 183 " True ! " with a soothing look, the other then Rejoined, " one well might dream a fate less drear. But the day's work's load we together bear, We suffer, side by side, and friends remain. " Your moist, kind eye at times on me you bend, And near yours throb my wearied flank I feel, Then its yoke is less hard. But, though he well Both sleeps, and eats, that poor dog has no friend. •* His isolation, shroudlike, does him press, He yawns, such small joys does his lot procure, 'Tis through ennui he sleeps. Old hoss, be sure Shared sorrow's better e'en than lonely bliss ! " OUT OF LUCK. From Reynard's clutches having fled An ill-starred hen, with hanging wing, And half deplumed, to th' hen-house sped. With fear all over fluttering. But far for her sad accident From showing sympathy at all. Her sister fowls were only bent. Thus clucking, foul of her to fall. " Oh, fie ! how shabby you look, dear. Yourself in such a state to show Is quite bad form, and, really, we're Surprised that you should dare do so." " It was a fox," with gasps, was fain To plead the hen, " who in this plight Has left me unaware being ta'en, And, faith ! I've had a squeak for it, 184 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. " For sans a kind dog's succour, who'd Got strength sufficient to compel The fox to loose his hold, I should Have never lived the tale to tell." But, though that this recital of Her mishap would, she first believed Her sisters to some pity move. She soon, alas ! was undeceived, For they to plume themselves who were On their unruffled feathers given. Did only peck the more at her Till she from out the run was driven. Thus, sunshine friends, by chance, who in High feather have remained, life thro/ Will be when you they plucked have seen, That they " don't know yah ! " prompt to show. A HARD-HEARTED BEAUTY. {Imitated from the French ^Eugene Manuel.) Of what worth is that brow, as pure as snow, If it's impress no tender kiss left there ! Or those large eyes that so voluptuous peer. If from them tears did ne'er o'er misery flow ! Or those soft hands, if they've felt no clasp warm Of th' hands, receiving bounty, of the poor! Or that vermilion mouth, if evermore It no sincere words is heard to form ! PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 185 Oh ! woman, beautiful as arrogant ! That I may to your wayward will be bent, You've eyes that fire, lips uttering language sweet ; But 'tis a heart, a feeling heart I prize ! The beauty which can live 'neath that which dies! A heart to grace Earth, and for Heaven meet ! CHEAP COURAGE. Some conies in a shaw their home Who'd made, and were as green as that, The first time that they ventured from Their terrier, greatly marvelled at The attitude of being abased That a fox whom they did espy Was to make manifest in haste Before a mastiff passing by, Howbeit, the mastiff having passed. Was by another dog, straitway. But of a smaller size, replaced. Whom, soon as Reynard did survey, Although, the best of grounds upon, He did not seek between the two To draw the least comparison. His ears hung than before less low. And, this dog gone, and, there appearing A third, but of the tiniest breed. How different of the fox the bearing To the newcomer was, indeed ! 186 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. For, then, he did, without demur, A blustering, arrogant air reveal. And 'gan, at the same time, each ear To prick up, and his brush to swell. That cony, then, who best could see Squeaked, " Brother Buns, I recommend, If we'd escape being hayed, that we Our steps, at once, should hole-ward bend, " For yonder creature's not what we Imagined, and, if meeker none Did seem, it only was that he Stood near those who could to earth him run ! " Thus, bland a bully will appear Nigh those who've him in their power got, But his real character, when near Those who are his power in, comes out. A TENDER-HEARTED BEAUTY. {^Imitated from the French of Raoul Gineste.) You I prefer to many who're yet more fair, You, fain the pride of beauty to forswear. Who knew, with your so delicate hands, how wove Should be the soft ties that secured my love ; Upon your unrouged lips you wont are ne'er Those mincing and affected smiles to wear, That the mouths, screwed up, on no matter who May woo them will, with languorous airs, bestow. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 187 You, of my sensitive nature being so sure, When you did, in a leash, possess the power To draw me your triumphant pride behind, Remaining, gentle as a child, I find. To many who're yet more fair I you prefer, And you're than those, oh ! how much worthier, Who in a conquered lover's arms, one may See, royally, parade their beauty's sway. A HIGH-GROWN CREEPER. A pothos from a tree-top down Looked on the thyme "mid th' herbage strown, And, for its neighbour bent to show Its scorn, observed, '' How awful low Is your position ! and, then, you Are doomed e'er to be reptant, too, With a frail, tremulous stem that from The earth is scarcely seen to come ! While mine into the air does soar, Accompanied by the oak that o'er The forest tops, and with it can To th' empyrean, e'en, attain." "Oh! I your elevation find In evidence," the thyme rejoined, " But my position I am fain By my own efforts to maintain, Whereas, if that arboreal prop No longer served to help you up, Such is your ilaccidness that you. Indeed, would rise less than I do. And, thus, you'd an example give That none, in justice, should receive A rise in life for getting praise, Whene'er themselves they did not raise." 188 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. MAKING NOTHING OUT OF IT. (^Imitated from the French of Louis Ratisbonne.) Three school children, all friends, went to their class. " A pound, my father, if I study hard. Has promised me," said one, " As the reward," The next said, " of my work, mamma's embrace Shall I earn." The last sighed, " Nought me'll requite, For, without parents, I'm an orphan boy. Yet, ne'ertheless, to do my best shall try." Right one should, simply, do because 'tis right. THE CULT OF THE JUMPING CAT. A bat, as, at th' approach of Night, He from an old tree's branches sped, Not looking where he went, flopped right 'Gainst a stoat in its hollow hid. The stoat who, as his diet, from His birth was rodents wont to choose, " Ha !" cued, ''you for my supper come, Are apropos, intrusive Mouse." " I'm not a mouse, indeed ! " the bat. In suppliant accents, did protest. " I am a bird, and, look ! of that The truth's by my wings manifest." But the stoat, being quite young, no bird Had ever gazed upon, and, so. Relying on the speaker's word. Permitted him, unharmed, to go. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 18» Nathless, he flopped against, full soon A stoat who'd been on volatiles reared, And who exclaimed, him pouncing on, " What a rare supper '11 make this Bird ! " " I'm not a bird," the bat protested As humbly as before he'd done, "1 am a mouse; birds are invested With feathers, and, you see, I've none." But, being young like the other stoat, This one a mouse did never view, So, having no more cause to doubt The bat, his freedom gave him, too. E'en thus, time-servers will, whoever May them upon the hip be getting, To fall upon their feet endeavour, By, without scruple, their words eating. OUT OF CHURCH ON EASTER DAY. Vexed is the ear by ding-dongs from The steeple in the Church aloft. While 'neaththe lime-wrought aisles there come The sounds of blue-bells tinkling soft. Of lustres " dim religious " gleams The painted glass reflecting shows, While many-hued leaves, with dazzling beams The quenchless solar lamp o'erstrows. Its vault, gloomed like some sepulchre, The semi-circular apse displays, While a fair bower of shade to rear, The blackthorn spreads its blanching sprays. 190 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. The water, in the font cooped, has For christening rites been sanctified, While from the clouds are showers to bless The germinating plants supplied. The shrine, railed in, is consecrate By priestly ceremonials. While the peak, soaring up, unlet, From Heaven the dew to hallow falls. O'er chalices that tarnished show A dais, that gas grimes quickly, droops, While the sky's luminous dome below Are ranged the stainless lily's cups. Drilled choristers, in a formal mood, Drone psalms appointed for the day. While their wood-notes what gratitude The feathered choir can feel display. The prayers some patron's ear to gain Loud, does a benefice-hunter chant. While freely 'cross the ungrown grain The ortolan's rich deep notes are sent. Stuck-up in pews with hassocks spread, Devotes mouth the responses thro', While o'er a carpet-walk its head Each pasque-flower does with reverence bow. The orthodox their doxolosfies Have set to strains by th' organ pealed. While the rills, fingered by the breeze, For all the Earth boon anthems yield. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 191 'Gainst heretics long to fulminate A bigoted pulpiteer is glad, While harmony's in the discourse that Flows ever from a clear cascade. Which best serves feting Easter for Yon edifice, " sacred " called, that planned's By the art of human builders, or This Temple that's not made with hands ? A TIMESERVER'S OVERSIGHT. The quadrupeds being gone to War Against the birds in days of old, All tenants of the Earth and Air On this or that side were enrolled ; While those did for the lion fight, Their chief was the eagle made by these, And who how many a peck and bite The combatants exchanged can guess ? A bat who did, alone, unsure Which cause he should espouse remain, Not being of those who to the fore, Are ever in an Army's van, Forthwith, up his position took On the alert, afar, where he The scene of action might o'erlook, And the issue of the battle see. But soon as all along the line The birds he put to flight did view, He straight the strongest side did join, And help the fugitives to pursue. 192 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. When lo ! a pair of griffins made The courage of the birds revive, Who to the field again being led, Bloodier than e'er began the strife. Then, of those grifSns with the assistance, Straining each nerve, did the eagle grow So brave, that, spite his stout resistance, The lion had his heels to show. Which change of fortune to the bat Proved an eye-opener, which quick Made him, to 'scape the vengeance that The birds might purpose, homeward sneak. Thus a political trimmer for The Powers that be to fight e'er prone. May find, when nigh from them to ensure A post, that they're driven from their own. A MIDWINTER DAY'S GLAMOUR. {Iviitated from the French (?/Emile Peyrefort.) Less bare beneath glazed frost and snow, The forest seems to live once more, On the shrubs lilac tints that show, Are interlaced some fiowers of frore ; Them, like some cabbage-butterfly That hovers, flys a snowflake near. And, in the intense tranquillity, A sound of wings one seems to hear. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 193 Garlands are hanging in the air Where intercrossed the boughs are grown, From nests, that one imagined were Deserted, float white feathers down; The mist, amid the brushwoods blue, In water-drops dissolves the rime. And the nights one might think to view By stars lit in the April-time. THE VIRTUE OF NOT BEING CAUGHT. A fox had many a coop to rob Been wont his dinner to provide, And, failing poults, his favourite grub, Had many a hare and bun destroyed, And though to nab him snares were set Of every kind, so up to trap Was he, that he'd contrived the fate Of less cute foxes long to 'scape. But one fine day, without due care, A pullet's track while following in, One of his fore-feet, unaware, He e'en put right into a gin. Where a cat haply him discerning, Quick to put up his back was fain. And the whites of his eyes upturning. To improve the occasion thus began : ^' Oh ! backslider, grown old in sin. Who'd, to th' Earth conformed, no call To grace, and e'er the slough was in Of carnal reason prone to fall, O 194 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. " Unsound, and unregenerate, And spiritually destitute, What a misguided life is that Which, broken potsherd, you did suit F " E'en from your birth, yea, verily, A tainted cub of wrath you've been, And now it is Heaven's judgment by That, mortified, you here are seen." " Smug canter," then barked Reynard, " you Such pious horror now express. Not for what I designed to do, But that it met with no success. " Had I that chicken but secured, So far from spitting thus at me, You would contentedly have purred, ' What a good business-fox is he !' " &■ How many, like this cat, will take Of all a rogue may do no thought. While he's a run of luck, and back Their squeamishness keep till he's caught. THE OLD STOCKS. (^I77iiiated from the Fre7ich 0/ Jea^^ Rameau.) Along the rough, deep roadways that The ochreous uplands perforate With their eccentric zig-zag through. High as a rampart rising up, One sees on either hand a slope Of brick-like hue. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 195 A ruddy slope where of the broom Sometimes is found a yellow plume, And of the fiax the sapphire star, And where to warm his tail does sit, The lizard looking grave, and yet Without a care. And on those slopes so bright that glow The labourers of long ago Some slender chestnut trees have planted, Where many a season one does raze The branches that are filled with lays By cicales chanted. Now, those old trees, where no bough's grown, Always, or sprouting or cut down, Take of huge pursy stocks the shape, With a wild and dejected port, That seen are many a stump and wart To overlap. Repulsive may to passers be The goitres that so heavily Beneath their russet jaws are swelled. And the abdomens all made bare. In which, amid the mosses, their Nests pismires build. While some with stunted boles display Dishevelled beards of lichen grey. That shuddering in the squalls appear Others wide-staring eyes disclose, And brows, with hydrocephalus Bulged, seem to bear. 196 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. And on the sandy slopes their roots Have the aspect of the supple knots With which voracious boas are wrought, And turn, distractedly, about That they may on the juices glut In rich meres sought. And those roots, as they at the side Of the field the red slope bestride, E'en make the stocks appear like Some horsemen grim and fiery who Brandish a rugged holly bough As 'twere a pike. Sometimes, when they are very old And to the slope for them to hold The feeblest rootlets left are found They in the ditches roll, as might Some wounded warriors to quit Their saddles bound. But, spite their being by swellings marred, Their bellies, where ant-nests are reared. Their lowering brows, and squamous backs, Their sides o'er which the brambles grow One, in the country, loves them so, The good old stocks ! They, the old and weary vine-stems up To shore, make of themselves a prop And, by the bill, with scorn when passed, Sometimes, their unpruned branches throw To those who, haply, pass below A boon, stray mast. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 197 When on the slope the strawberry's shown For little bairns to mount upon To them their shaggy arms they spread When every bird its nest uprears They, freely, to the dishwashers Their lichens cede. In the meridian summer glow They their caressing shade bestow Upon the beggar, worn with care, And shelter their big backs supply For all the poults some shower by Cauo^ht unaware. And, sometimes, in a corner sure The azure eggs they keep secure Of some strange martinet from sight, Whose fledgelings bent for warmth to seek By their debut as vocalists, quick, W ill them delight. Then, when their natal slope upon The woodman has, at last, cut down Their massy carcases so drear, And when the glowing hearth within Their faggots in rose-liames are seen To disappear. Made cheerful by the cheerful fire, The kindly grandam and grandsire, With trembling hands outstretched, are fain To muse beside the brands ablaze. And the suns of their early days See shine again ! 198 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. FOILED WITH THEIR OWN WEAPONS. With board an aged beech-tree's mast Was wont some dormice to provide, While by its hollow bole the best Of lodgings was for them supplied, But they, such was their slothfulness, Were not to take the trouble prone. So as provisions to amass, Of always going up and down ; So, having that the beech should not Be longer let to grow declared, They forces joined, and at its foot To delve, and gnaw its roots prepared. And in their work such ardour by These erewhile sleepy beasts was shown, That they, at length, beheld with joy Their victim to the ground fall down. t>" Then, one and all, forsooth, at will. Were able of the fruity store, With the utmost ease, to take their fill Until to eat remained no more. But, then, the tree, all dried up now, Them with no aftercrop could nourish, And, in the agonies of a slow Starvation, they were doomed to perish. E'en thus, sometimes, may ingrates find When they to serve their interests have Their benefactor undermined, They've for themselves but dug a grave. PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 199 THE DATURA. {Imitated from the French of k. Spinelli.) ^* Pray," simpered the datura, " tell me why. Beetle gold-eyed, papilios, kings of the air, Bees amber-coloured, silken pinioned fly. Insects rich varying reflexes that bear, ** Why, when each bullfinch welcome melody Pours with its sweet voice willow brakes to cheer, When from the vaporous waters nuphars hie, Ne'er to my boughs with large flowers dight repair ? " E'en like the lily's, with the choicest scent Replete is not my cup, of whiter tint Than the pearls in the deep sea's breast that glow? Have I not a bloom fresh, brow pure, eye bright And smile — ? " Here the insects hummed " Oh ! hypocrite, Rank poison is those treacherous charms breathed thro'." THE RETALIATION OF THE WEAKEST. To some rhinoceroses, who Assembled in a desert, at A spot which, many a long year through, Of certain ants was the habitat, ^< ' My gracious lords,' cried the insects, "for Our commonweal, pray pity have ; Your Court Levees hold elsewhere, or To us some place of shelter leave. 200 PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. " For, seeing that you a step to move Out of your way will never deign, With each you take are thousands of Our citizens, or maimed, or slain. " Your notice we may 'scape, but, though Condemned down in the dust to crawl, Children of the Earth no less than you, We are your brothers after all ! " " Ah ! " with a self-complacent air. As they their horns exalted, straight, Did each rhinoceros grunt "to bear You ought, sans murmuring, your fate, " Since, vile pismires, though low the station. In which through life you're doomed to fare. Know 'twas a special dispensation Of Providence that placed you there." But scarcely was their grunting o'er Than lo ! there came a troop in sight Of elephants, which down on them bore. And v'ith them closed in dubious fight, Whereon, the ants did, desperate grown, With the elephants an alliance make. And fain 'gainst those, who'd been so prone To oppress them, were the field to take. And, then, with their battalion black Spread o'er the plain, did they begin. Swearing they'd on them vengeance wreak To harass all along the line, PRICKLY PEAR BLOSSOMS. 201 So that, ere long, by the ant-nest's aid, The elephants had gained the day, And each rhinoceros draw in made His horns, and, quick, pad th' hoof away. Bullies, when those they've trampled on To extremes take, from a sense of wrong, By them that not, may, thus, be shown Are battles always to the strong. SUNSET ON A CHESTNUT AVENUE. {I7nitattd from the French