AVKUNIVERS/A LIBRARY/?/: E-UNIVERS/A vvlOS-ANCElfj> * vvlOSANCElfj> UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT LOS ANGELES Annex PA 4^B>l D5C2. V-Z A L _t VOL. II. O F L IV E S. 31S141 * [ 3 ] *^_ . THE SALE OF LIVES JUPITER. SE T the benches, Mercury, and get ready the room againft people come. And bring forward the Lives, and place them in due order. And do you hear ? let them put on their [#] beft looks, that we may make the [a\ When flaves were carried to market, they were always drefled to the utmoft advantage ; that is, as the Englifh pro- verb well exprefles it, they were made as fine as a horfe, and for the fame reafon. There is another way of fetting off things to advantage, which auctioneers are not unacquainted with. This is what Phaedria in Terence means by " munus " noftrum ornato verbis quod poteris." Eunuch, II. A 2 moft 4 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. moil of them. Come, make proclamation, call together the company, and give a general invitation to all fuch as wilh to receive the fa- vours of fortune. We are going, gentlemen, to difpofe of a choice collection of philofophers of all forts and fizes ; and, if any one of you find it inconvenient to pay ready money for what he buys, he fhall be indulged with a year's cre- dit, on giving proper fecurity. MERCURY. Here is already a good appearance of com- pany : what need of further delay ? JUPITER. Very well ; let us begin then. MERCURY. Which of them will you have lirft ? JUPITER. The Ionian, that well-looking gentleman with the fine hair. MERCURY. Come down, Mr. Pythagoras, and Ihew your- fclf. JUPI- S A L E O F- L I V E S. 5 JUPITER. Proceed, Mercury, MERCURY. This, gentlemen, is a [] capital lot ; every thing that is refpe&able and excellent ! Who buys ? Who wilhes to be more than man? Who wants to be acquainted with the [VJ harmony of the univerfe ? or to live after he is dead ? BUYER. His appearance is far from being defpicable. In what does his knowledge principally con- fift? [] Joannes Bourdelotius, remarking on this pafTage, quotes many authorities to prove, that it has always been ufual for the feller to praife his goods. Does he not alfo at the fame jime prove his near kindred to an author mentioned by Cicero, who wrote a hook to convince the world, that none of the great generals ot antiquity could have won fo many battLs yvithout men : Cicero de Officiis. [r] According to Pythagoras, the ur.iverfe confifls in har- mony, all things joining to make up a concert. The muikk of the fpheres, as they rolled over his head, was (to him) very audible and diftind:. See Diogenes Laeitius, Cicero de Na- tura Deorum, Jamblichus, c. A 3 M E R- 6 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. MERCURY. He underftands arithmetick, aftronomy, geo- metry, mufick, juggling, ftory-telling : he deals much in the marvellous ; and, in fhort, is a cunning man. BUYER. May one put a queflion to him ? MERCURY. By all means. In the name of fortune, why not? BUYER. What countryman are you, Sir ? PYTHAGORAS. A Samian. BUYER. Where had you your education ? PYTHAGORAS. Amongft the wife men of ^Egypt, BUYER. Well, if I fhould purchafe you, what will you teach me ? P Y T H A- SALE OF LIVES, 7 PYTHAGORAS. I fliall teach you nothing ; I ihall only pu.t you in [d^\ mind. BUYER. Put me in mind ! I do not underftand you. What do you mean ? How will you do it ? PYTHAGORAS. I mail begin by purging your foul, and warn- ing it clean from its filth. BUYER. But fuppofing me to be already purged, what is your method of putting in mind ? PYTHAGORAS. I make a beginning with peace and quiet- nefs, prohibiting the utterance of a lingle fyl- lable for five whole years together. BUYER. You might have been a very fit preceptor for . the fon of Cyrus. But I, who have the ufe of [1 Xip?, all things a jeft. " Life is a jeft, and all things fliew it." Gay's Monumenf. [] That tombs were not always appropriated to the dead alone, but occafionally the habitation of poor and diforderly VOL. II. B tower 1 8 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. tower, or a tub. Your wallet fhall be filled with lupines, and books [o] full of writing. With all thefe bleffings you may very well de- clare yourfelf happier than any king in the univerfe. A whip, or a rack, may chance to fall to your lhare ; but trifles like thefe, which give no trouble, will not be worth your atten- tion. BUYER. No i what, do you think I am to have no feeling ? Or, do you think I am cafed like a crab, or a tortoife ? DIOGENES. You mufl proudly repeat the verfe of Euripi- des, only altering it a little. BUYER. What verfe ? perfons, appears from fuch authority as is not to be quoted here. In our own times bulks, glafehcufes, and the mint, have been the dormitories of men of wit. See Dr. Johnson's life of Richard Savage. It was in the vault of her deceafed huflwnd, that the inconfolable dame of Epheflis indulged her grief. Petronius Arbiter. [0] oTKrOpypapw, books written on the outfide as well as the infide, net to make any wafte of paper, as rich meu are wont to do. Scriptus et in tergo, necdum finitus Orefles. Juvenal. Sat. I. v. 6* j DIG- SALE OF LIVE 3. 19 DIOGENES. [_i>] My heart is full, but then my tongue's at cafe. Your greateft accomplilhments, and which are indeed indifpenfable, will be, to appear ex- ceflively impudent and audacious, to abufe every body in turn ; to fnarl at all mankind, gentle and fimple, from the king to the cob- ler* Sparing none, you will be gazed at by all, and admired as moft intrepid. Your voice mufl be barbarous, your dictates harm, growl- ing, and furly as the falutation of a mafliif. You muft take care to fcrew up your counte- nance, and let your gait be in Uriel: conformity with your looks. In one word, you are to be as much a favage as a bear, and arc to take care that you be always in character. To all mo- defty, gcntlenefs, and moderation, you are to bid a final adieu. Leave no where a fpot in your face that can be difgraced with a blufh. Frequent the moft public places. Be there always alone. Condefcend not to have the leaft communication or fociety with friend or ftran- ger. That would be to difcover your real cha- [f] H y\uff] Socrates, it feems, did not hold rhefe deities lefarefpec- table than many others. SO- S A L E O F LIVES. 3! SOCRATES. [z] I inhabit a city of my own founding; I have introduced a new form of government, and I make my own laws. BUYER. I ihould be glad to have a fample of your le- giflation. SOCRATES. I will mention to you one of the moft impor- tant of my inftitutLons concerning women. I ordain, that no woman ihall be deemed the pe- culiar property of any one man, but ready and willing to oblige every one who likes her with every favour in her power to bellow. BUYER. What, are the laws againfl adultery then to be confidered as null and void ? [z] This, and what follows, alludes to the Republick, See. of Plato. Plato is generally fuppofed to have cxprefied the fe' timen ts of his mailer Socrates, who publilhed nothing himfeU. He was too wife to write books. SO- 32 DIALOGUES OF L XT C I A tf SOCRATES. Ay, certainly, all that trifling is at an end. BUYER, What is your pleafure with refped to youth of the other fex ? SOCRATES. My pleafure is, that the publick beflow them as a recompence to fuch as ihall defcrvc them by diflinguifhed adtions. BUYER. A very bountiful legiflator ! And what do you fay is the principal wifdom ? SOCRATES. Ideas and models of exiftence. Beyond the boundaries of the univerfe are certain invifible images of all that you fee, of the earth, and of every thing upon it, of the fea, and of the iky. BUYER. Where are they, do you fay ? so- SALE OF LIVES. 33 SOCRATES. No where. If they were any where, they would not be at all. BUYER. I cannot perceive any of them. SOCRATES. I do not wonder at that : the eye of your un- derftanding is blind. But I contemplate the images of all things. I do not perceive you as you appear. I fee myfelf a perfon different from myfelf. To me all things appear double. BUYER. You are fo very wife, and can fee fo well, that I muft have you. Hark you, Mercury, what do you afk for him ? MERCURY. Two|js] talents. BUYER. He is mine; you fliall have the money for him. [z] 397 /. 10 s. VOL, II. C ME R- 34 DIALOGUES OF LUC I A & MERCURY. Pray, what is your name ? BUYER. I am [a] Dion, of Syracufe. MERCURY. Take him, with twenty [] good lucks.- I fliall next put up the Epicurean. Who will buy him ? He is a difciple of the [<:] Laugher and the Toper, two lots juft fold. But he ven- tures to carry matters farther than his matters, being fomewhat more profane. As 'to what re- [a] The reader is to underftand what is here faid of Socrates as applicable to Plato, for whom, as we are informed by Cor- nelius Nepos, Dion had a moft extravagant regard ; and, by the favour of Dionyfius, enjoyed his company and converfa- tion. Dionyfius, however, not oeiag himfelf equally charmed with his new acquaintance, ordered him to be fold for a (lave. Accordingly, as Diodorus Siculus informs us, he \vas fold in the market for twenty minac, equal 1064!. us. 8d. Had he been fold as a philofopher, perhaps he would not have fetched ib much. [] Ay* ?wz* aya&j TOP^J is the original. The tranfia- tion was taken from the mouth of a country auctioneer; [ tne on ty nandfome man ; the only juft man ; the only valiant man ; the only king ; the only orator ; the only rich man ; the only legislator ; the only every thing BUYER. The only cook; the only cobler; the only carpenter, and fo forth ! MERCURY. Yes. [f] Ad furamum fapiens uno minor eft Jove, dives, Liber, honoratus, pulcher, rex denique regum ; Praccipue fanus nifi cum pituita molefta eft. Hor. Epift. I. BUYER. SALE OF LIVES. 37 BUYER. Come down, dread Sir, and tell me, as I mean to bid money for you, what you think of yourfelf. In the firft place, pray would not you take it very heinoufly to be fold for a flave? CHRYSIPPUS. No, not at all. Whatever does not depend on ourfelves is to be confidered as [g] indif- ferent. BUYER. I do not underftand you. CHRYSIPPUS. No! What, do not you know that fome things are [&] preferred ; others reje&ed ? BUYER. Not I ; you grow more and more obfcure. CHRYSIPPUS. Poflibly. You have not been accuftomed to our terms, and are deficient in the faculty of [/) See Epiftetus, near the beginning. [] See Cicero de Finibus, III. 4. C 3 com- 38 DIALOGUES. OF LUCIAN. [/] eomprehenfion. But the adept, profoundly read in dialedicks, not only knows all this, but is alfo well acquainted with accident and prater- accident, and can tell how and in what they differ. BUYER. In the name of philofophy, I befeech you, do not grudge fome fmall explication of your ao ['] It is not always eafy to preferve the allufions to the ftoi- cal cant, which is here meant to be ridiculed. Thofe minute inquifitors, " Who would keep us in the pale of words till death," might in this dialogue find fome little employment, in nicely diftinguiming words with and without an allufion. It was objected to the tormer volume of this tranflation, by a very learned and valuable man, that the notes contained no verbal criticifm. If the observation had come from any other than a friend, it might have been replied, that verbal criti- cifm, ufeful as no doubt it often is, is not of the moft difficult attainment; nor does it feem to be in its proper place, when employed upon Lucian. Rather let fome graver author find food for philological maftication. The wry words of Luciaa a;e not thus to be fet ftraight. To make a {hew of verbal criticifm, nothing more would be nixeiiiiry than t :he luxuriant opufcula of Hem- . Jenfius, Grsivius, &c. &c. ] Hidden. BUYER. What do you mean ? Who is the Hidden, and who is Electra ? i \m\ Thefe cant terms for fo many kinds of argumentation; have been already remarked. We are informed by Diogenes Laertius, that he gave one pound, twelve (hillings, and three- pence half-penny, to learn SIFI&>, the Reaper. CHRY- 42 DIALOGUES O F L U C I A N, CHRYSIPPUS. Ele&ra,, the.jVj daughter of Agamemnon, was at the fame inftant acquainted with and ig- norant of the very fame thing. She knew very well that Qreftes was her brother, but knew not that he who flood by her. was Oreftes. But you fhall hear the other ; the Hidden. The Hid- den is very wonderful. Anfwer me this queftion : Do you know your own father ? BUYER. To be fure I do. CHRYSIPPUS; But, if I fhould produce you a man in a mafe, and alk you if you know him, what would you fay? BUYER. What would I fay ? I would fay, No. CHRYSIPPUS. But, the man mafked being your father, if you knew not him, it is very plain that you do Hot know your own father. [] See the Eletra of Sophocles. A&. IV. Scene I. BUYER. IALEOPLIVE3. 43 BUYER. I deny it ; becaufe, only unmafk him, and I fliall then know him immediately. But, tell me, what is the end propofed by this your wif- dom ? and what is to be done when you attain the fummit of virtue ? CHRYSIPPUS. I fhall attach myfelf to fuch things as na- ture has made my principal concern. I mean, I ihall fludy riches, and health, and other ad- vantages. But firft of all, it is neceflary to take great pains ; to labour and toil ; to pore over books of which the characters are fo fmall as to be fcarcely legible. It is equally neceflary to bundle up the conjectures of fcholiafts, and to be crammed with foloecifm and abfurdity, But after all, there is no being completely a wife man without three dofes of ^Hellebore fwallowed in due order. BUYER. All very fine and very fenfible ! But of Gni- phon the ufurer, the dirty Gniphon, ([V] this [o] Chryfippus had jufl mentioned riches as one of the moft laudable pursuits of a wife man's life. is 44 D I A L O G U E S O F L U C I A N. is not d'greffing from tiie fubjed:, I believe) of him what mail we fay ? Shall we fpeak of him as of one who has been regularly drenched with hellebore, and perfect in virtue ? CHRYSIPPUS. Certainly. Ufury is a practice becoming the wife man alone. To colled: arguments and to colleft intereft are nearly akin, and both much in his way. Neither fhould his induftry be fa> tisfied with fimple intereft. Intereft on intereft, compound intereft is the thing for him. You cannot but know, that of intereft there is the firft and the fecond, and that the fecond is the offspring of the firft. Now be pleafed to attend to the inftruftion contained in a Syllogifrn. If you admit the firft propofition, you muft the fecond. If the wife man receives the firft in- tereft, he will the fecond : But he receives the firft ; ergo he will the fecond. BUYER. Then with regard to the money which you take for inftrudting youth but it is as plain as pkin can be, that the wife man has no other motive in receiving money than only as it ferves to promote virtue. CHR Y- SALEOfrtlVES, 45 CHRYSIPPUS. Now I fee you are a man of fenfe. I do not receive money, you understand, on my own ac- count, but for the fake of the giver. One fquanders, you obferve, and another favesu Now I hold it fitting, that I the mailer ihould catch, and that the fcholar be the man to caft away. BUYER. I thought you had juft declared the contrary. Did not you .fay, that the youth was the perfon to get carefully, and that you yourfelf, who alone can be rich, were the perfon to give libe- rally ? CHRYSIPPUS. What, you are witty then ! Take heed, that I do not fhoot you with an indefinite fyllogifm ! BUYER. Why fhould I be afraid of fuch a weapon as that> CHRYSIPPUS. Why afraid? The effed of it would be 4oubt, and (Hence, and diftraction, nothing lefs. More 46 DIALOGUES OF L U C T A N. More than that, if I were fo difpofed, 1 could even petrify you in an inilant, making you plainly appear to be a flone. BUYER. A done ! my good Sir, I do not take you to be a [f] Perfeus. CHRYSIPPUS. Do you only mind what I fay to you. Is not a done a body ? BUYER. Yes. CHRYSIPPUS. And is not an animal a body ? BUYER. Yes, CHRYSIPPUS. And are not you an animal ? BUYER. I fuppofc fo. [p] Perfeus, having attacked Medufa when her fnakej were afleep, cut off her head, and fet it on his aegis, whence he derived the faculty of turning men into {tones. 4 CHRY- SALE QF L I V E S CHRYSIPPUS. Then you are a ftone, Sir, as being a body; BUYER. I dp not defire to be any fuch thing. J beg you will make me proper amends for this ufage, and let me be a man again. CHRYSIPPUS. You lhall be a man again : there is no difH- culty in that. Whatever is body is animal^ 1$ it not ? BUYER. No, CHRYSIPPUS, Is a Hone an animal > BUYER, No. CHRYSIPPUS. Are you a body ? BUYER. Yes. CHRYSIPPUS. And being a body, you are an animal. . BUYER. 48 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. BUYER. CHRYSIPPUS. Theft, being an animal, you are not a (tone. BUYER. Upon my word I am very much obliged to you. It is entirely owing to your goodnefs, that my limbs are not as cold and as ftiff as thofe of Niobe. I will buy you. Mercury, what do you afk for this gentleman ? MERCURY. [q\ Twelve minse. BUYER. Here, take the money. MERCURY. Pray do you buy him folely on your own ac- count ? BUYER. No, I do not. Do not you fee all thefc people ? [y ] Thirty-eight pounds, fifteen flullings. MER- SALEOFLIVES. 49 MERCURY. I fee a number of broad Ihoulders, very fit to elucidate the [r] Reaper. J U P I T E R. Come, do not let us lofe our time. Call an- other. MERCURY. Now for the [j] pcripatetick, the handfome, the rich. What do you fay to him, Gentle- men ? He is exceedingly wife, he underftands every thing. BUYER. How do you defcribe him ? MERCURY. Moderate, gentle, fit for the world. What is bell of all, he is double. BUYER. What ? MERCURY. He is one thing within, another thing with- out. You mufl remember, if you purchafe [r] A pun on the fpecies of argumentation, called, I Ssp^wv, the Reader. [.>] Arirtotle. VOL. II. D him, 50 DIALOGUES OF LUCIAN. him, that you are to call this internal, that ex- ternal. BUYER. What does he profefs > MERCURY. He profeffes that good things are three-fold, in the foul, and in the body, and in neither the one nor the other* BUYER. A good fenfible kind of a man ! Pray what is the price of him ? MERCURY. [*] Twenty min^e. B U.Y E R. You rite him very high, upon my word* MERCURY. Indeed I do not. You will find your account in him, and I would not advife you to delay the purchafe a moment. Confider, Sir, what a flock of knowledge you will immediately lay in. He will teach you how long a gnat may live, how deep the rays of the fun penetrate [/] Sixty -four pounds, eleven Shillings, and eight-pence. into SALE OF LIVES. 51 into the Tea, and what fort of a foul an oyfler has. BUYER. All that mews great accuracy of investigation. MERCURY. But all that is nothing. For you would be a'flonimed, were you to hear a few inftances, that might be mentioned, of his difcernment. O that you could but once hear him difcourfe on production, on generation, on the formation of embryos ! He would prove to you, Sir, that man is a rifible animal, and that an [z/] afs is neither made for laughing, nor building, nor failing. BUYER. His precepts are moft refpectable and impor- tant ! I will give you the twenty mince for him. M E R C U R Y. Very well. Who remains yet unfold ? Oh ! there is Pyrrho, the fceptick. Come hither, Sir, that you may be put up without further lofs of time. The company is going away, and [a] This opinion, Bourdelotius teUs us, is not uaiverfally received, an author of his acquaintance having maintained the contrary, D 2 there 52 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. there are very few bidders. Who will give any thing for him ? BUYER. I will. Only I mould be glad to afk him beforehand what he knows. PHILOSOPHER. Nothing. BUYER. What do you mean ? PHILOSOPHER. I mean that, as far as I can fee, there is no- thing that has any being. BUYER. Then you and I, I fuppofe, are nothing at all ? PHILOSOPHER. I cannot fay. BUYER. You yourfelf you fuppofe to be fomething ? PHILOSOPHER. That is a matter, of which I am more igno- rant {till. B U Y E R. This is doubting with a witnefs. But what do you do with thefe fcales ? 5 P H I L O- SALE OF LIVES. 53 PHILOSOPHER. In thefe fcales I ponder arguments, till I make them of equal weight. When I fee them thus reduced to perfed: equality, then it be- comes impoflible for me, you know, to prefer one to another. BUYER. And with regard to other matters, is there any thing in which you may be depended on ? PHILOSOPHER. Yes ; you may rely on me in every thing elfe except in purfuing a fugitive. BUYER. Why not in that too ? PHILOSOPHER. The reafon is, Sir, I cannot [V] apprehend. [*] It will readily he apprehended, that the wit of this paf- fa^e is merely a pun arifing from a technical term. The fcepticks maintained, that the human mind was incapable fully to comprehend or lay hold of any proportion whatever in all its parts. Hence their *xoI,'V>],ia, incomprehenfibility. The word apprehend in the tranflation is preferred to compre- hend, on account of its double meaning, being applicable both to body and mind. D 3 BUYER. 54 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. BUYER. I believe you ; you feem to be flow and heavy enough in all confcience. And pray to what does your knowledge tend ? PHILOSOPHER. To ignorance, to be both blind and dumb, BUYER. And can you neither hear nor fee? PHILOSOPHER. Not only fo, but I am no better than a rep- tile, that is without fenfe and judgment. BUYER. Truly thefe are great recommendations ! I muft have you. What price do you put upon him. MERCURY. An [y] Attick mina, BUYER. Take it. Well, Sir, what do you fay to mo now ? Have not I bought you ? [j] Three pounds, four (hillings, and feven-pence. P H I L O- SALE OF LIVES. 55 PHILOSOPHER. It is quite uncertain, BUYER. Uncertain ! How can it be uncertain ? I have not only bought you, but paid for you. PHILOSOPHER. It is not a matter to be haftily determined ; I muft deliberate and confider the fubjed: in every point of view. BUYER, Deliberate ! Come along with me, I tell you, ns you ought to do, I have bought you, and you are mine. PHILOSOPHER. Who can tell whether what you fay be true ? BUYER. * The auctioneer knows it to be true. All the 1 . > company faw me give him the mina. PHILOSOPHER. Is there any company here then ? D 4 BUYER. 56 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. BUYER, I believe I fhall fully fatisfy you, without more ado, when you come to grind in my mill, that I am your matter: you will then have feme, what the \_z] worfe of the argument. PHILOSOPHER. I fufpend my determination. BUYER. But fo dp not I, for I have declared mine openly. MERCURY. Come, come, leave off this filly opposition, and go along with your matter. To-morrow, Gentlemen, we {hall be glad to fee you again. We ihall then have a variety of lots to difpofe of, confifting of private perfons, pedlars, and mechanicks. [] TTUSPW xoflot roy X"f v teycy. AriHoph. Ki^. III. 2, >.o)-; M I X O S [ 57 1 |>] MINOS AND SOSTRATUS. MINOS. LET the robber Soilratus be tofled into [b~] Pyriphlegethon. And let him, who has been convidted of facrilege, be torn in pieces by the \_c] chimasra. But as for the tyrant, let him be ftretched at his length by the fide of [dj Tityus, that his liver alfo may be gnawed by the vultures. Thofe who have been good are immediately to repair to the plains of Ely- fium, and to take up their abode in the ifles of [a] A dialogue of the dead. Minos was a king of Crete, in which ftatioa, having behaved well, he was, after he be- came a fubjefl of Pluro, appointed lord chief juflice of the king's bench. See Virg. JEn. VI. 432. [] One of the infernal rivers. Its name is derived from 7ru fire, and Qhtyu to burn. [c] A dreadful monfter, with which few readers are unac- quainted. " Gorgons, and Hydras, and Chimaeras dire." Par ? Loft. b. II. v. 628. [/] Tityus behaved very rudely to Latona, for which Ju- piter knocked him down with hi thunderbolt. He was atterwards fentenced to feed vultures with his entrails, which grew as fad as they were devoured. His body covered nine icres. the 58 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N, the bleffed, in return for the benefits they have conferred on mankind. SOSTRATUS. I beg and b,efeech of you, Minos, only to hear me fpeak, and then judge whether what I fay be reafonable, MINOS. Have not I heard you already ? You rjave been a wicked villain. You have feveral times committed murder, and have been fairly trie4 and convidted. SOSTRATUS. I do not pretend to deny what has been fully proved againft me. But the juflice of mypu-. nifhment is what I would beg leave to fubm^t to your confederation. MINOS; The juftice of your punifhment ! How can it be otherwife than juft ? Is any thing morq juft than to puniih wickednefs ? SOSTPvATUS. I only crave your indulgence to anfwer me a queftion or two. I promife not to detain you long. MINOS. SALE OF LIVES. 55 MINOS. Well, do not be tedious then : I muft go on \vith the trials of the reft. SOSTRATUS. Tell me, I pray, did the actions of my life proceed from my own voluntary motion, oy were they ordained by fate } MINOS. Ordained by fate. That is clear enough, SOSTRATUS. How then can either the good or the bad be more than feemingly fo, fince whatever they do is done merely in fubferviency to fate ? MINOS. Why, yes, to be fure, Clotho does allot to every map that is bora what he is to do in his life. SOSTRATUS. If then a perfon, fubjedt to the will of an- other, fhould be obliged to commit a murder fuppofe, for inftance, an executioner, or a fol- dier, in obedience to the orders of a judge, or a tyrant whom would you charge with the fuilt ? MINOS. 60 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. MINOS. The judge, or the tyrant, without all doubt, I ihould blame the efficient caufe, not the [V] inftrument that is ufed. S O S T R A- [] The Athenians had a feftival, called, A~oX.Ei*, from Jupiter Polieus, and a$cyia, from killing an ox. In this feftival it was the cuftom to place certain cakes, of the fame fort with thofe ufed at facrifices, upon 3 table of brafs; round this they drove a felect number of oxen, of which he that eat any of the cakes was prefently flaughtered. The perfon that killed the ox was called Gulr,;, or Gso>o 3 -. Porphyry re- ports, that no lefs than three families were employed in this ceremony, and received different names from their offices therein : the family, whofe duty it was to drive the oxen, were called ml^a&u, from xtvijoy, a fpur : thofe that knocked him down, CSTWWOI, being defcended from Thaulon : thofe that flaughtered and cut him up, &*I xa FlaXXaj ASy.nj." Od. A. 46. VOL, II. E CRATES. 66 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. CRATES. Shall I tell ydu what fell under my obferva- tion in my way down hither ? DIOGENES. Pray do : I fuppofe fomething very enter- taining. CRATES. There were a great many in company, and, amongft others, feveral perfons of diftinction. There was my rich [/] countryman Ifmeno- dorus ; Arfaces, the governour of Media ; and Oroetes, the Armenian. Ifmenodorus had been murdered by fome robbers on mount Cithasron, as he was going to Eleufis. He put his two hands to the place where he had received his death's wound, and groaned moft piteoufly. He often called on his young children, which he had thus been obliged to leave behind him, and greatly blamed himfelf for his raflinefs, in venturing to pafs over Cithseron and the parts about Eleuthera?, places fo wafted by the wars, while he was accompanied with only two fer- [/] ATheban. vants ; DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 67 vants ; and this at a time when he carried with him five golden beakers, betides four other large drinking cups. Arfaces, though confiderably advanced in years, was far from being an ill- looking man. But he ftormed like any barba- rian. He could not bear the thoughts of [m] walking on foot, calling out luftily for a horfe to be brought him. For the very fame wound, you are to know, had difpatched both his horfe and himfelf. This wound was given him by a Thracian foldier, in the engagement with the Cappadocians, near the river Araxes. Arfaces had advanced with great eagernefs, as he faid, far before his attendants. The Thra- cian, flooping to receive Arfaces on his buckler, difarmed him, and, at the very fame inftant, [ni\ It was reckoned an infamous thing amongft the Medes and Perfians for one of their great men to be feen walking on foot. To defcend to every vice was not more a difgraoe than, to be difmounted from his horfe. See Xenophon. Cyrpp. and Juftin. de Parthis. XLI. 3. Thefe eaftern gentry dif- patched every kind of bufmefs, publick and private, eat and drank, and in fhort did every thing, on horfeback. This was what diftinguifhed the free men from the flaves, the latter being obliged to go on foot, which was a mode of progreffion. in which their mailers fcorned to budge an inch, E 2 run 68 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. run both horfe and rider through their bodies with his long fpear. ANTISTHENES. Pray, was it poflible to be done at one {broke ? CRATES. [] Yes, very poflible. While he ruflied on, extending his pike twenty cubits in length, the Thracian, evading the point, beat off the force of it with his buckler* Falling on his knee he receives the charge with his fpear, meanwhile the horfe, being (truck on the breaft, is {tabbed by his own vehemence and fpirit. At the fame time the fpear, entering at the groin, goes quite through the body of Arfaces. Now you fee it was eafy enough to be done, being not fo much the action of the man, as of the horfe. The gentleman was highly offended to fee himfelf no better accommodated in his way hither than an ordinary perfon, thinking it very hard that he could not have a horfe to ride upon. Orcetes too, though a private man, was [] Confuetudine fua ad pedes defilierunt ; fuffoffifque equis, compluribufque noftris disjectis, reliquos in fugam conjeceruiit. Caefai's Cora. iv. 9. never- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 69 neverthelefs extremely delicate and tender in his feet, being hardly able to walk, or even to (land. This is the cafe with the Medes in ge- neral : if they have parted with their horles, they cannot (V) proceed any farther without the greateft difficulty, going on their tip-toes, as if they trod upon thorns. Oroetes threw him- felf all along upon the ground, and could not by any means be prevailed on to get up. Upon this, honeft Mercury was fain to hoift him upon his back, and fo carry him to the boat. I laughed. ANTISTHENES. When I came down I did not think of mixing with the crowd, but left my companions to lament at their leifure, running before them to the boat, to fecure myfelf a good place. I own I was not a little delighted during the voyage : there was a good deal of weeping, and a good deal of vomiting. [0] Hippocrates takes notice of the bad confequences arif- ing from being continually on horfeback. Hippoc. TE*I a^ w >, tJiaiwv, TOTWV. All fedentary perfons muft be fenfible of the bad confequences of being very feldom on horfeback. E 3 D 1 O- 70 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. DIOGENES. So much for your fellow-travellers. Mine were Blepfias, the ufurer of Piroeeus ; Lampis of Acharnas, general of the mercenaries ; and the rich Damis of Corinth. Damis had been poifoned by his fon. Lampis had difpatched himfelf for the love of Myrtium the harlot. And poor Blepfias was reported to have died of want; of which indeed he exhibited all the appearance, being pale and thin to the very laft degree. I had a fancy to afk them the occaiion of their dying, notwithstanding I had already been told, being curious to hear what they could have to fay. And while Damis was ac- cuiing his fon, " How could you reafonably expedt any thing better of him ?" faid I, you an old fellow of ninety, and worth a thoufand talents, to grudge a youth of eigh- teen a few forry oboli, while you yourfelf roll in all manner of luxury !" " And you, Mr. Acharnian," faid I (while he was figh- ing, and groaning, and fwearing, by turns) "what do you think of yourfelf? Why do you pretend to complain of the tyranny of love ? And not rather blame yourfelf? You did not ufe to be difmayed >y an enemy, but were the fore- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. JI foremoft to rufh on danger. And for fuch a flout fellow as you to fuffer yourfelf to become the whining captive of a poor ordinary wench, armed only with fighs and a few feigned tears O for Ihame !" As to Blepfias, he had fenfe of himfelf to recoiled what a fool he had been, in not enjoying his wealth when he might ; which, as he could not live for ever^ he lamented the neceffity of being obliged to leave to perfons no way related to him. And now I had the great pleafure of enjoying a general groan. But behold ! we have got to the entrance. Let us fee who are coming yonder. Wonderful ! what a fwarm of all forts of people, and every one in tears, excepting only children, and babes newly born ! The very oldefl of them all are full of lamentation ! What can be the meaning of it ? There mull be fomething of fafcination furely in this bufinefs, which makes them fo paffionately fond of life ! But I will put the queftion to this decrepit old fellow. What can you thus weep for at this time of day, old boy ? A perfon of your age and experience, one would think, might be contented to die without grumbling. Pray what were you r 1 A king perhaps ? 4 POOR 72 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. POOR MAN. A king ! fay you ? No, not I, indeed, DIOGENES. A lord ? POOR MAN. Not I. DIOGENES. You muft have been very rich. You muft furely have fared moft delicioufly in life ; or you could not be fo mortified at the thoughts of leaving it. POOR MAN. No fuch thing, I tell you. I was near ninety years of age, and lived in great poverty. My utmoft induftry in my wretched employment of a filherman was barely fufficient to keep foul and body together. No man's circumltances could be more miferable than mine. I had no child to comfort me. I was very lame, and almoil blind. DIOGENES. And could you, notwithflanding all this, flill cherifh a defirc to live ? POOft DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 73 POOR MAN. Yes ; the light was ftill fweet ; and death was fomething very dreadful, which I could not but wifh to efcape. DIOGENES. You trifle at a ftrange rate, old man, and run counter to all reafon and order. Fie for fhame ! A man, contemporary with Charon, to be fuch a child ! One needs not fo much to wonder at the folly of youth, when old age itfelf can be thus ridiculous ! old age, which might reafonably be expected to long for death, the only remedy of its numerous evils ! But let us take ourfelves away from this place, left we too Ihould be fufpedted of the folly of me- ditating an efcape. MENIPPUS AND CHIRON. I 1 MENIPPUS. HAVE been told, Chiron, that you, though a god, were delirous of dying. CHIRON. 74 DIALOGUES OP LUCIA N CHIRON. You have been told no more than was true, Menippus. I might have continued immortal ; but, you fee, I [j chofe to die. M E N T P P U S. What ftrange paffion, I wonder, for death could fo unaccountably poflefs you ; which is fo very little defirable to the generality of man- kind > CHIRON. As you are a man of fenfe, I will tell you. I had no longer any pleafure to enjoy in im- mortality. MENIPPUS. No I was it not a moft delightful thing to live and \_q j behold the light ? [fl Chiron was the fon of Saturn and Philyra. He was wounded by Hercules in the foot, with an arrow dipped in the blood of the Hydra ; which put him to fuch exquifite pain, that Jupiter, in compaifion to him, turned him into Sagittarius, one of the twelve figns. [q] To behold the light. A favourite faying 'of Euripides, often repeated by Lucian. CHIRON. PIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 75 C H I R O N. No, Menippus. Pleafure, in my opinion, confifts in novelty and variety ; whereas human life is nothing more than merely a repetition of always the fame over and over again. I grew fick of fuch a perpetual round, the fame fun, the fame light, the fame eating and drinking, the fame fealbns, the fame every thing, revolv- ing in conftant fucceffion. That which is al- ways one and the fame can never be pleafure : pleafure muft be a participation of whatever is new and unexpected. MENIPPUS. Well, Sir. And how do you find matters here below ? In this your chofen refidence, it is to be hoped, you find things more to your mind. CHIRON. I afTure you, Menippus, I think my fituation here far from being unpleafant. This uni\er- fal equality is a thing very taking; whether you are confpicuous or obfcure, it makes no difference. And then hunger and thiril are fenfations unknown here ; the good things above are nothing to us, we want them not. M E N I P- 76 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA K. M E N I P P U S. But I pray, Sir, does not this panegyrick of yours fpeak the fame language as the cenfnre with which you fet out ? And are you not now contradicting your own doctrine ? CHIRON. How? M E N I P P U S. If you grew tired of life, becaufe it was no- thing more than always the fame thing over and over again, you mufl for that very reafon foon be weary of your fituation here, and wim to change it for another life ; which, I believe, you will find to be impoffible. CHIRON. What can a body do, Menippus ? M E N I P P U S. A man of fenfe, I think, will act as is com- monly advifed. He will endeavour to reft con- tented, and make the moft of his prefent con- dition, allowing every individual circumflance of it to be very tolerable. N I R E U S. [ 77 ] NIREUS, THERSITES, MENIPPUS. NIREUS. HERE is Menippus, who will determine the queftion between us. Menippus, do not you think, that I am handfomer than he is ? MENIPPUS. But who are you ? firft let me know that, NIREUS. [r] Nireus and Therfites. MENIPPUS. Still I am ignorant which of you is Nireus, and which Therfites : that does not appear. THERSITES. One thing appears very plainly, that I have the honour of being very like Nireus, and that there is not the difference between us, which Homer's blindnefs induced him to believe there was. Homer has defcribed him as the hand- fomeft of men. But, in the opinion of alto- gether as good a [.r] judge, there was nothing [r] Nireus names himfelf firft, to lack his opinion. [>] Minos. fo 78 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. fo much amifs in a few ftraggling hairs fcattered over a fugar-loaf head, as to make me at all his inferior. What do you fay, Menippus ? Look at us both, and then determine. NIREUS. Determine ! fayeft thou ; a very pretty quef- tion ! " Nireus [t], whom Aglae to Charopus bore, " Nireus of faultlefs form and faireft face, " The lovelieil youth of all the Grecian race." MENIPPUS. At Troy you might be the lovelieft of all the Grecian race ; I do not deny it. But here the cafe is different. Bones here are bones, bare bones, and nothing more. The only dif- ference between your fine fkull and that of Therfites is, that yours is more liable to be cracked ; it is fo foft, and has fo little of the man in it. NIREUS. Only be fo good as to afk Homer what a figure I made in the Grecian camp. [>] Horn. II. II. 672. 4 M E N I P- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 79 M E N I P P U S. Do not tell me of Homer. Thofe who were with you in the Grecian camp may give what- ever account they pleafe. I have the perfed: ufe of my own eyes, and can fee very well what you are at prefent. N I R E U S. And fo, Sir, I am no handfomer than he is ? M E N I P P U S. How can any body be faid to be handfome here, where all are exactly alike ? THERSITES. Now I am fatisfied. That is all I defirc. DIOGENES, MAUSOLUS. DIOGENES. PRAY, [ii\ Mr. Carian, what pretence have you for carrying your head fo high above every body elfe ? [a] The original is u xap, ri TW jucya $goms ; a very good mouo for any body inclined to cenfure this tranflation. M A U S O- 8o DIALOGUES OF LUCIA tf, MAUSOL U S. Pretence ! Becaufe, Mr. Sinopian, I have been a king. I ruled over all Caria, and a con- fiderable part of Lydia. I fubdued feveral iflands, and conquered the greateft part of Ionia, advancing as far as Miletus. Befides my being great and mighty in war, I was very handfome. But, not to infift on this, I have the honour of repofing under a fuperb monu- ment at Halicarnaflus, of fo ftupendous a iize, and of fo high a polilh, that no other man was ever kept under by any thing fo fine. The horfes and men are carved to fuch a degree of perfection, and in fuch exquifite marble, as you could not eafily match even in a [x] tem- ple. And do not you think I have reafon to be proud ? [#] The ancients were wont to difregard their own houfes in comparifon of the publick buildings. " Italiam ornare, *' quam domum fuam, illi vnaluerunt." The monument of Maufolus was called Maufoleum, and reckoned amongft the wonders of the world. His wife Artemiiia concluded with making for him this fuperb monument, after having begun with drinking up his alhes. DIO- DIALOGUES OF LUC I AN. 8 I DIOGENES. What, becaufe you have been a king, and becaufe your monument is fo well poliihed and fo very heavy ? MAUSOLUS. Yes. DIOGENES. But confider, dread Sir. As fine a fellow as you were, your beauty and ftrength too are both gone at prefent. Were we to refer the matter to an arbitration, I believe, no reafon would appear why your fkull ihould be deemed pre- ferable to mine. For both are equally bald and naked. We both of us ftiew our teeth in juft the fame manner. We are equally deprived of our eyes. Our nofes are flattened alike. The people of Halicarnaffus indeed may value themfelves on fuch magnificence, and may boaft of the precious ftones which compofe your monument, which no doubt they will puff off to flrangers, and ihew as a mighty fine thing. But, as for you, I cannot fee what great advan- tage you can derive from it, unlefs you find it convenient to be under a great heap of huge ftones, and carry a heavier load than any body clfe. VOL, If. F MAUSO- 8 2 D.I A L O G U E S ; O F LUCIA N._ M A U S O L U S. And muft all go for nothing then ? And is Maufolus to be no better accounted of than Diogenes ? DIOGENES. No better ? no ; not fo well. Maufolus will not fail to lament moft bitterly, when he re- members the good things upon earth, in which he placed his happinefs. Mean while, Diogenes will laugh at him. Maufolus will conftantly talk of his monument in HalicamafTus, built by his wife and filler ; while Diogenes neither knows nor cares whether he has any monument at all. Having lived more like a man, Diogenes leaves behind him a reputation, which all thofe, whofe opinions are worth regarding, will think fome- thing better worth talking of than the monu- ment of a wretched Carian king, as having a, much more folid foundation. CHARON, MENIPPUS, MERCURY. CHARON. I AY me my fare, I fay. You rafcal, pay me my fare. M E N I P- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 83 M E N I P P U S. if you like bawling, Charon, by all means bawl. CHARON. 1 fay, pay me for bringing you over. M E N I P P U S. Do you expert to receive money, whether a paflenger has it or no ? CHARON. Has it or no ! Pray who is there fo poor, that he cannot advance an obolus ? M E N I P P U S. I do not pretend to know how it may be with other people, but I hope I may fpeak for my- felf ; I tell you, I have not one. CHARON. You dog, pay me immediately, or I will throttle you. M E N I P P U S. Say another word, and I will lay my ftaff over your head. F * CHARON, 84 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. CHARON. And fo you think to fail all this way for no- thing ? M E N I P P U S. Was I not given up to your care by Mercury ? Mercury is anfwerable for me. MERCURY. Upon my word, I am likely to have a fine time of it, if I am to be accountable for every man that dies ! CHARON 7 . I will not quit you. You ihall not get oft' fo, believe me. M E N I P P U S. Here you may (lay, that is certain, and keep dunning me for your fare ! But how can you reafonably hope to receive what a body has not to give ? CHARON. Then you ought to have brought money with you. M E N I P P U S. I knew that very well ; but I tell you I had none to bring. Cannot a man die without hav- ing money ? CHARON. DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 8$ CHARON. You are the only paflenger who ihall boaft of my bringing you over the river for [jT] nothing. M E N I P P U S. For nothing ! pray, my good Sir, recollect yourfelf a little. Did I not both pump and row for you ? And was I not the only paf- fenger you had, who did not trouble you with tears ? CHARON. All this fine talk does not pay me my fare. You Ihould indeed give me an obolus. It is no more than my due, and I ought to have it. M E N I P P U S. If you cannot make yourfelf eafy without it, you had better row me back again. CHARON. Yes, to be fure ! that I may put ^Eacus in a paffion, and get myfelf a good beating ! [yj Whatever airs Charon may give himfelf, very reputa- ble authors afiert, that all perfons who had lived in the neigh- bourhood of the lake Avernus, as well as many others, were free of his boat, and under no obligation to bring him their Aa>ax>:, or obolus. Strabo and others. F 3 M E N I P- S6 DIALOGUES OF LUCIAN. M E N I P P U S. Then behave yourfelf better, and do not be troublefome. CHARON. Let me fee what you have in your wallet. M E N I P P U S. You are very welcome. I have nothing in it except fome lupines and Hecate's fupper. CHARON. Where could you find fuch a cynick, Mer- cury ? At what a rate his tongue has gone dur- ing the whole voyage ! He has been laughing and fcofHng at all the reft of the paflengers. While they wept without ceafing, he alone con- tinued fmging. MERCURY. By what I can find, Charon, youdonotfeem to know who he is that you have had in your boat. It is Menippus, Sir, and no other. Freedom of fpeech is his motto ; he cares for nobody. CHARON. Let me but have him once more. MENJP- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 87 M E N i P P L S. Once more ! do you fay ? Do not flatter yourfelf. You will not catch me a iecond time. PLUTO AND PRGTESILAUS. PROTESILAUS. MY lord, my king, my fupreme, and you, O daughter of Ceres, I beg of you both not to defpife a lover's petition. PLUTO. What do you want ? Who are you ? PROTESILAUS. I am Protefilaus, at your fervice, the fon of Iphiclus of Phylace. I accompanied the Greeks in their expedition againft Troy, and there I was killed the very firfl man. My requeft is, that you would be fo good as to let me return to life for a little while. PLUTO. You are not fingular in your love of life. It is the nniverfal paffion of the dead, an object which no one of them muft ever enjoy ! F 4 PRO'TE- 05 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. PROTESILAUS. It is not merely for the fake of living, Pluto, but on account of my wife, that I am fo earneft to go back. I had but jufl had time to marry her, when I was obliged to leave her, and fet fail. And, wretch as I was ! I was no fooner got to land, than I was flain by Hector. I do aflure you, Pluto, I can have no reft for the love of her. Suffer me only to pay her a vifit. I will return directly. PLUTO. You have not had your draught of Lethe, I fuppofe ? PROTESILAUS. Yes, I have. But this love, Sir, this love ftill prevails. P L U T O. But why cannot you have patience. Your wife will come hither to you by and by : there can be no manner of neceffity for you to go to her. PROTESILAUS. You talk of patience, Pluto. I tell you, Sir, it is impoffible to have patience. As you have DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 89 have been in love yourfelf, you might be ex- pe&ed to know fomething of the matter. PLUTO. But what mighty bufinefs could it be to live again for one Ihort day, when you would foon be as miferable again as ever ? PROTESILAUS. I am of opinion that I could perfuade her to [zj follow me down hither. In which cafe, you know, you would be able to add two inftead of one to the number of the dead. PLUTO. Such a thing has never been, and it is not fit it Ihould. PROTESILAUS. I beg your pardon ; I can mention you more precedents than one. Pray, what was your reafon for delivering up Eurydice to Orpheus ? And did not you grant my [a] coufin Alceftis leave of abfence, purely to pleafe Hercules ? PLUTO. [z] Laodamia a&ually hanged herfelf, they fay, in order to have her hulband's company. [a] If the reader wifhes to know the exaft degree of con- fanguinity between Protelilaus and Alceftis, here it is, as re- corded DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. PLUTO. And you would go and expofe that bare fkull of yours in all its uglinefs to a fine young bride ! How do you exped: her to receive you, when ihe could not ib much as know you ? J am very fure ihe would run away from you in a fright, and you muft be contented to have your labour for your pains. PROSERPINE. True, hufband ; but it is in your power to provide a remedy againft that. Why cannot you order Mercury, as foon as Proteiilaus is landed in day-light, to give him a reflorative touch with his rod, and make him as young and ashandfome as the moment he left her? PLUTO. You muft take this man back again, Mer- cury, fince my wife will have it fo, and make corded by the Guillims of ancient days : Cretheus. Deioneus. | Pelias. Alceftis. Phiiacus. Iphiclua. Troteillaus. him DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 91 him a bridegroom. But remember, Sir ! only a fingle day ! MENIPPUS AND CERBERUS. M E N I P P U S. AS you are a brother cynick, I hope, Cer- berus, you will oblige me by anfwering a queflion. For being a \_b~] god, I prefume you are not only capable of barking, but talk- ing too, whenever you think fit. I want very much to know how Socrates behaved himfelf in his defcent to thefe regions. CERBERUS. While he was at a confiderable diftance, he advanced with a firm ftep and [c} fleady coun- tenance, as if quite fearlefs of death, and de- [1} Cerberus is not a little obliged to Lucian for the ho- nourable title which he here gives him, hardly any body elfe having been fo complaifant to him. Hemfterhufius. [c] Socrates was fo remarkable for maintaining a fleady countenance, that even the fcolding of his wife made little or no impreffion upon it. Ciceronis Tufc. qu. 5, 31. In which refper, that admirable philolbpher remains to this day with- out a rival. October 2 6, 1778. firous 92 DIALOGUES OF LUClAtf. iirous of ihewing his fortitude to thofe that flood by. But, when once he had got within the chafm, and faw how difmally dark it was, he began to be daggered. And efpecially when I fnapped at him with my [d \ hemlock, and laid hold of his leg, he wept like an infant. He bewailed the lofs of his children, and could not tell which way to turn himfelf. M E N I P P U S. Was Socrates then a mere fophifl ? And did he not in reality look with contempt on death ? CERBERUS. No fuch thing, I tell you. Indeed, after being convince^! how abfplutely neceflary it was to fubmit, he 1 aflumed an a^ of unconcern. When he faw there was no poffibility of being excufed, he wifely determined to fet a good face on the matter ; that he might at leail be fome- what admired, if he could obtain nothing more. [!* xajr.. Horn. Od. A. 2^1. ' JE A C U S. 96 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. JS. A C U S. Have you a mind that I fhould ihew you the wife men ? M E N I P P U S. If you pleafe, I fhall be obliged to you ? JE A C U S. The firft is Pythagoras. M E N I P P U S. Your moil humble fervant, Euphorbus, or Apollo, or whatever other character you choofe to appear in, I am very glad to fee you. PYTHAGORAS. Sir, your fervant. M E N I P P U S. Pray, Sir, what is become of your golden thigh ? PYTHAGORAS. O that is neither here nor there ; I had rather talk of fomething -to eat. Pray, what have you got in your wallet ? M E N [ ? P U S. My wallet has nothing in it but a few beans, and confequently nothing fit for Pythagoras to cat. P Y T H A- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 97 PYTHAGORAS. Only give me fome, and let me try. Since I have been here I have learned a new leiTon. I do not now infift upon it, that a bean and the head of a parent are quite the fame thing. & A C U S. This is Solon, the Ton of Execeflides ; and that is Thales. Then comes Pittacus, and the reft of them. There are feven, you fee, in all. M E N I P P U S. They are the only peribns, who appear cheer- ful, and unconcerned. But who is he all covered with aihes ? He has a ikin as full of blifters as a cake baked in the cinders. JE A C U S. That gentleman is Empedocles, who came hither half-roafled from mount M E N I P P U S. Pray, my good Mr. Brazenfoot, what could induce you to throw yourfelf into the craters of VOL. II. G E M P E- 98 DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. EMPEDOCLES. I was not quite right in my head, I believe, Menippus. MENIPPUS. I believe fo too; but it was vanity, and pride, and folly, that made you fo. The confequence of which has been, that not only yourfelf, who richly deferved it, but your innocent flippers too, are reduced to a cinder. Your ingenious device availed you nothing, except proving the death of you. But where is Socrates all this while ? M A C U S. Socrates generally paffes his time in trifling with Neftor and Palamede. MENIPPUS. If he is any where hereabouts, I Ihould be very glad to have a fight of him. JE A C U S. Do you fee that man with the bald head ? MENIPPUS. I fee nothing elfe but bald heads : a bald head, as far as I can perceive, is no difti at all here. .DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. Cfy J A C U S. I mean him with the flat nofe MENIPPUS. There again ! they have all flat nofes, I tell you. SOCRATES. Are you enquiring after me, Menippus ? MENIPPUS. Yes 3 Socrates, indeed I am* SOCRATES. How go matters at Athens ? MENIPPUS. Very many of the younger fort profefs them- felves philofophers. And truly, were you to judge of them by their habit and their gait, you might venture to pronounce them philofo- phers with a witnefs. SOCRATES. I have feen feveral of that fort. G a M E N I P. M E N I P P U S. ' And you cannot be a flranger, I think, to the appearance, which Ariftippus and Plato made, when they came hither. The former was all over perfume ; and the latter came to you inflru&ed in the various arts of flattery, which he had fo fuccefsfully practifed on the M kings of Sicily. SOCRATES. Pray, Sir> \vhat-do they fay of me ? M E N I -P P U S. In fome refpects they fpeak very well of you. Nay, all are ready to acknowledge you a very extraordinary man, who knew every thing ; when, in good truth, as you yourfelf declared, you knew nothing. SOCRATES. How often I told them fo ! But truly they muft needs think me in jefl ! [J If we may truft Cornelius Nepos, the flattery of Plato was ibraewhat differently directed from that of molt other courtiers. Plato autem tantum apud Dionyfium autoritate potuit, valuitque eloquentia ut perfuaferit tyrannidis facere finem, libertatemque reddere Syracufanis. Vita Dionis, p. 1^9. KeuchehV Edition. M E N I P- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. IOI MENIPPUS. Who are thefe near you ? SOCRATES. Thefe, Menippus, are Charmidcs, and Fhse- drus, and the fon of Clinias. MENIPPUS. I find you are no changeling, Socrates ; you are as fond as ever of youth and beauty. SOCRATES. What would you have me do ? But come, {lay here with us ; will you ? MENIPPUS. No ; I am going to be near Crcefus and Sar- danapalus, where, I prefume, I fhall not be dilappointed of fome entertainment in attend- ing to their lamentations. M A C U S. And I muft go and look after my dead, that none o^ them give me the flip. Another time you fhall fee more. G 3 M E N I P- 102 DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. M E N I P P U S. I beg T may not any longer detain you : what I have already feen is quite fufEcient. MENIPPUS AND TANTALUS. M E N I P P U S. WHAT is the meaning of this, Tantalus ? Why do you fland in this manner weep. ing and wailing over the lake ? TANTALUS. I weep, Menippus, becaufe I am ready to die with thirft. MENIPPUS. What, are you fo very lazy, that you will not fo much as bend your neck, or hold out your hand, to fupply yourfelf with a little drink ? TANTALUS. To ftoop down is to no manner of purpofe, for the water perceives my approach, and avoids me. And, if i take up a little in the hollow 3 of DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 103 of my hand, I can no fooner wet my lips, than it flips through my fingers in a moft unac- countable manner, leaving my hand perfectly dry. M E N I P P U S. What you relate, Tantalus, is very flrange indeed. Though, to be plain with you, 1 can- not fee any occafion you can have for drink. Your body, that part of you which was fubject to hunger and thirft, lies buried in Lydia. And your foul, which is all you poflefs at pre- fentj can hardly be fuppofed to want either meat or drink. TANTALUS. That is the mifchief of it. What you ob- fcrve is quite right. But, though I have no body, I am fentenced to endure the fenfations of hunger and thirft, juft in the fame manner as if I had one. M E N I P P U S. Since you tell us, that fuch is your punifh- ment, we are bound to believe what you fay. But, admitting all you affert, what is there fo very terrible in it? You need not be afraid here of dying for want of drink. For I do not fee, G 4 that IO4 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. that there is any other hell after this, or any other death to conduft you to it. TANTALUS. Very true. But this is what my punifhment partly confifts in, to long for what I do not want. M E N I P P U S. You muft be out of your fenfes, Tantalus : the only drink that you really ftand in need of is a good large draught of Hellebore. Your diforder is the very reverfe of that which is occafioned by the bite of a mad dog ; for it is not water, but the want of water, which you dread ! TANTALUS. So that I could but drink, I fliould be con- tented to drink even Hellebore ! M E N I P P U S. Make yourfelf eafy, Tantalus ; it cannot be that either you, or any other of the dead, ihould tafte one drop of liquor. Indeed your compa- nions do not feel the want of it, not being pu. nifhed in the fame manner. DIO- DIOGENES AND HERCULES. DIOGENES. IS not this Hercules ? By Hercules it is ! The bow, the club, the lion's ikin, the fize, put it out of all doubt. It is Hercules himfelf, and nobody elfe. The fon of Jupiter dead ? How is it with you [], Callinicus, are you really dead or no ? I took you for a god when I was on earth, and facrificed to you accordingly. HERCULES. You did very right, and no more than your duty. Hercules himfelf reiides with the gods in heaven, poffeffing fair-footed Hebe. And I am his [/] image here. DI O- [t>~\ KaX?.iyxoj, graced with viftory, an epithet given to Hercules in a hymn of Archilochus, fung at the Olympick games. KaXXtyHt' xv*| Hfax^wj. /] " Now I the ftrength of Hercules behold, " A tovv'ring fpehe of gigantick mould, " A * (hadovvy form ! ior high in heav'n's abodes * Himfelf refides, a god among the gods ; " There in the bright affc:nblies of the fkies " He nectar quaffs, and Hebe crowns his joys." * The image, or tas ; but I clofed in with what was delivered by the Oracle, as fuppofing it would be ufeful to me in my affairs. DIALOGUES 01? LUCIA N. II j PHILIP. What, did you think it fo good a thing to be made a fool of by foothfayers ? ALEXANDER. No, I do not fay that. But I can allure you ? Sir, the Barbarians were fo flruck with th idea, that nobody dared to think of oppofing me. It was in vain to contend with a god, ancj therefore I had an eafy victory. PHILIP. An eafy yidtory over whom ? I mould be glad to know what people you ever fubdued, that deferred to be called fpldiers ? It is true, you ventured to engage with a few cowardly fellows, armed with paltry" bows and willow Ihields, equally infignificant with themfelves. But that was not conquering the Greeks. To have vanquifhed the Boeotians, or the Phocen- fians, or Athenians, the heavy-armed Arca : dians, the Thefialian horfe, the javelin- darting Elaeans, the Ihield-bearing Mantineans; tp have fubdued the Thracians, or Illyrians, or Pseonians, would have been fomething to talk pf. Did you never hear, that under the com- H 2 mand 1 1 6 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA K. niand of Clearchus, before your time, an army of no more than ten thoufand men vanquished the Medes, the Perfians, and Chaldaeans ? Thofe highly polilhed gentlemen, with fo much gold and finery, were too delicate to hazard their perfons in an engagement ; and, before the im- preffion of one arrow, prudently betook them- ielves to flight. ALEXANDER. But then the Scythians, father, and the ele- phants of India what do you fay to them ? That, I believe, was no very contemptible bufinefs. Thefe vi&ories were neither obtained by fowing fedition, nor buying treachery. I never forfwore myfelf, never promifed what I did not mean to perform, never forfeited my honour for the fake of conquest. Of the Greeks, [#] a great part were added to my empire without bloodfhed. And you have heard, perhaps, how I puniftied the Thebans. PHILIP. Yes, I have. ' Clitus told me, whom you killed at a feail, Clitus who was run through [a] 'EXXr,vaj, the inhabitants of that divifion of the Gre- cian territories called Hellas. Greece, properly fo called, confifted of Achaia, Peloponnefus, and the iflands, 3 the DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 117 the body for prefuming to extol my a<5Uons above yours. Laying afide the Macedonian |V] chlamys, you affumed the Perfian Vj candy s, you put on the tiara. You even ventured to think yourfelf an object of the adoration of your free countrymen. What was moft ridicu- lous in your condudt, you conftantly mimicked the cuftoms of thofe which you had conquered. Not to mention other enormities, your practice was to Ihut up men of learning in the dens of lions. Your marriages too were equally inde- fenfible, as was your unwarrantable fondnefs for Hephaeftion. There was one circumfrance in your behaviour, which, I muft own, I could not but commend you for : you made no unbe- coming offers to the beautiful wife of barius. In that, and in your care of his mother and daughters, you afted as became a king. ALEXANDER. And have you nothing, Sir, to fay in praife of me for my readinefs in facing danger ? I was the very firfl man, you may remember, who fcaled the walls of Oxydracs, where I was welcomed with numberlefs wounds. [e>] Worn by the ibldiers of Macedonia and Perfia. H 3 PHILIP. il8 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N- PHILIP. I do not admire your condudt there. Not that I fee any impropriety in a king's expofmg himfelf to be wounded, and being the firfl to rufh into danger, on certain occafions. But this was by no means prudent in you : yours was a particular cafe. Only fuppofe the gene* ral, who has had the good fortune of being efleemed a god, to be grievoufly wounded, and to be feen carried oif from the battle, flowing with blood, on the back of a porter^ would not he and his lamentations be fufficient to ex- cite the laughter of all beholders ? The wizard Ammon, the lying foothfayer, the flattering fortune-tellers, would be words of courfe in every body's mouth. The fon of Jupiter faint- ing away, and requiring the fkill of the fur- geon, could never be a fight for a grave man to fee. Pray, Sir, now you are dead, do not you obferve numbers fcoffing and jeering at your filly pretences ? Think of the divine car- cafe of a fwollen god laid but at length, and {linking like mere mortality ! As to the eafe, with which you fay you obtained your viftories, that very circumftance robbed you of half your DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 1 1 9 glory. For whatever might otherwife have appeared important became nothing at all, when considered as the at of a god. ALEXANDER. Other people do not talk of my exploits as you do. I am ranked with Hercules, and Bacchus nay, I alone furmounted [/>] Aornus, which neither of them could do* P H I L I P. Are you not yet amamed of giving yourfeif thefe airs r But it is the fon of Ammon, no xloubt, who compares himfclf to Bacchus and Hercules. Fie for fhame ! fon Alexander, have done with your arrogance ! Now you are dead, cannot you learn a little mojJefty, and hoiieftly own yourfeif to be what you really are ? [p] A rock in India, which Alexander eafily poflefled him- felf of, though reported by hillorihns is ioacccflible, even t the hi tils of the air. DIG DIOGENES AND ALEXANDER. DIOGENES. WHAT means this, Alexander? What, are you dead too, like all the reft of us? ALEXANDER. You fee I am. Is it any wonder, that a man ihould die ? DIOGENES. No, to be fure. So then Jupiter Ammon told a fib, when he faid you were his fpn ! You were the fon of Philip all the while ! ALEXANDER. The fon of Philip, maft affuredly. I Ihould not have died, you know, if I had been the- fon of Jupiter. D I O G E N E S. What idle reports were fpread concerning Olympias ! that- your mother had been feen in) bed with a monftrous ferpent ! that you were the confcquence of that extraordinary com- merce ! Mean while poor Philip, who believed himfclf DIALOGUES OP LUCIA N. 121 himfelf to be your father, was miferably im- pofed upon ! ALEXANDER. I have heard fuch ftories as well as you. But I now perceive very plainly, that my mother and the prophets of .^mrnon were all liars alike, who never uttered a word that was true. DIOGENES. However, Sir, you muft allow, that their lying was of no inconfiderable iervice to you. What numbers really believed you to be a god, and were for that reafon ready to drop down dead with the fear of you ! But pray, Alex- ander, who fucceeds you in your vaft domi- nions ? ALEXANDER. I do not know, Diogenes. I had no oppor- tunity of determining that point. All I could do was to give my ring to Perdiccas, as I was dying. Pray, Sir, what do you find to laugh at? DIOGENES. I was only thinking of your being fo be- praifed by the Greeks, when you came firft to your empire, that you alone were deemed fit for 1 22 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. for power, and nobody elfe would do for their leader againft the barbarians. Some of them were ready to enroll you with the twelve divi- nities. They built temples to your honour* and offered facrifices to the fon of the ferpent ! But I want to know where the Macedonians have buried you. ALEXANDER. At prefent I remain at Babylon, where I have been thefe \jf\ three days. But I am promifed by Ptolemy, my armour-bearer, that, as foon as ever he can obtain a little reft from the pre- fent difturbances, he will carry me into ./Egypt, and bury me there, where I am to be an Egyp- tian god. DIOGENES. Really, Alexander, this is enough to make any body laugh, to fee you ftill playing the fool even here ! What, I fuppofe, you expe& to be an Anubis or Ofiris ! I beg of you, mofl divine Sir, not to deceive yourfelf fo egregU oufly. When you have once pafled over th& lake, and have got on this fide of yonder en- [^ ] Alexander lay unburied at Babylon thirty days, while lifs friends were difpuiing about the fucceffion. jElian. v. 4. DIALOGUES OF LUClAN. itrance, it is an abfblute Impoflibility to get back again : .^Eacus is not fo negligent of his duty, and Cerberus is always on his guard. I ihould be glad to know$ Alexander, how you bear the remembrance of your paft happinefs. Your [r] life-guards, your [r] Ihield-bearers, your [f~] nobles, your accumulating [r~] gold^ your [r] adoring nations, your [r] Babylon, your [r] Badra, your [r] wild beafts, [r] your honour, f r] your glory, your [r~\ tiding in flate, your [r] head- bound with a white fillet, your [V] purple fo finely buttoned Does not all this vex you, when ydu think of it ? But you are not fo filly as to weep. No doubt the wife Ariftotle inftrudted you better than that you Ihould be grieved at the incoriftancy of fortune* ALEXANDER. The wife Ariftotle, as you call him, was the very worft of fycophants. You will give me leave to be well acquainted with him, I have not forgot the requefts that he made, and the meflages which he fent. I had a paffionate love [r] This enumeration of the feveral particulars of regal felicity is recommended to the confideration of thofe whom it fray concern. 124 DIALOGUES OF L U C r A N. of learning, and he turned it to a bad ufc. I lived in a continual courfe of flattery. One while he praifed me for my beauty (as if for- footh that were fuch a mighty matter) ; another while he admired my exploits. Then he could not help extolling me for my riches. Money, you muft know, he confidered as Ibmething fub- ftantial, which a man need not be afhamed to re- ceive. But you cannot imagine, Diogenes, how very artful, how very cunning he is. One great advantage, which I have derived from his inftrudtions, is to mourn and lament immode- rately for the lofs of thofe fine things you have mentioned, as if I had been deprived of the greatefl good. D I O G E N E S. Do not you know what is proper to be done on this occafion ? Though Hellebore does not grow here, I can prefcribe a remedy for your grief. You have nothing more to do than to fwallow a large draught of Lethe, repeating it again and again, till you become perfectly in- different about the chief good of Ariftotle. But behold ! I fee Clitus, and Callifthenes, and many others, hurrying this way. Tney all re- tain fuch a grateful fenfe of your favours, that, I bv- DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. 125 I believe, they will feize the firft opportunity of tearing you to pieces! Take my advice; flep out of their way, and do not forget what I aid concerning the Lethe. ALEXANDER, ANNIBAL, MINOS, AND SCIPIO, ALEXANDER. YO U do not think of being admitted to trial [j] fooner than your betters, Mr. Libyan ? ANNIBAL. No. But I think of being tried before you. [/| Scipio, having an interview with Annibal at Ephefus, after other converfation, afked him, who, in his opinion, was the greateft general that ever appeared in the world. An* nibal anfwered, Alexander. And whom do you confider, faicl Scipio, as next to him f Pyrrhus, replied Annibal. And who is the next to him ? fuid Scipio ? Myfelf, faid Annibal, without all manner of doubt. Upon this Scipio fmiled, and allied him, What he woujd have thought of himfelf, if he had conquered him. I (hould have thought myfelf, replied Annibal, greater than Pyrrhus, and greater than Alexander, and the greateft of all great commanders. Livy, vi. 3^. ALEX- 126 DIALOGUES OP JL U C I A N f ALEXANDER. If you entertain any doubt who ought to have the preference, let Minos determine be- tween us. MINOS. Before I determine any thing, let me know who you are. ALEXANDER. This gentleman is Annibal, the Carthagi- nian ; arid I am Alexander, the fon of Philip* MINOS. Both very refpedlable names ! Pray, what do you find to quarrel about [>] here ? ALEXANDER. Precedency. He pretends truly to be a greater general than Alexander ! when all the world knows, that I not only far excelled him, but, I believe I may venture to fay, every body clfe that lived before me. [f] The reader will pardon the infertion of the little word " here" which is not in the original. M I N O . DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. 127 / M I N O S. Let me know your refpedtive preteniions. And firfl I would hear what the Libyan has to fay. A N N I B A L. I have this advantage to begin with, Minos, that I underftand [V] Greek as well as he does, And, in my opinion, they deferve the greateft praife, who derive the fewefl claims from the merit of others ; who, being themfelves origi- nally nothing at all, do, notwithftanding all ob- ftructions, make their way to, greatnefs, and arrive at power by their own proper defert. At firfl, ferving under my [V] brother ? and ad* vancing with a handful of men into Spain, I fo diflinguilhed myfelf, as to be thought equal to the higheft command, I reduced the Celti- berians, and conquered the weflern Galatians.. Traveriing vaft mountains, I over-ran the whole country about the Po. I razed many cities. I fubdued the whole of the plains of Italy, and [] According to the teftimony of Cornelius Nepos and thers, Annibal underftood Greek and Latin too . particularly the former, having written feveral books in that language. [A-] Afdrubal, his filler's hulband. Advanced J 28 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N* advanced even to the fuburbs of the principal city. I flew fuch a number of men in one day, that I meafured their rings in [j~] buihels, and made bridges over the rivers with their dead bodies. And all this I did without being re- puted the fon of Jupiter Ammon, without pre- tending to be a god, without fo much as tell- ing my mother's dreams. When engaged with the molt experienced generals, who commanded armies of the moft hardy veterans, I made no fcruple of honeflly owning myfelf to be a man. It was not with fuch as the Medes and Arme- nians that I contended, men who fly though there are none to purfue, and who fail not in- ftantly to yield the victory to any one who has courage enough only to claim it. Alexander, it muft be confefled, very much increafed and extended the limits of his father's empire, for which he may thank his good-fortune; and, being flushed with conquer!, after vanqnilhing [j] This was after the famous victory obtained over the Romans at Cannae. The accounts concerning the quantity of rings fent to Carthage do not entirely agree ; feme authors, as Livy for example, feem to think one bufhel a very hand- fome allowance. Livy 25. Befides, the Roman modius, which we tranflate bufliel, according to Arbuthnot, is in Englifh meafure little more than a peck. the DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 1 29 the wretched Darius at IfTus and Arbeli, no- thing would ferve him but divine worihip. The god was refolved to be a god indeed. Not- withftanding he prefently degenerated from Philip who begat him, and aflumed the cufloms and manners of the effeminate Medes. He polluted his banquets with the blood of his friends, whom he difdained not to feize and put to death. I too was invefled by my country with the fupreme command, and when that country thought fit to recall me, at the very time that a great fleet of the enemy had failed to invade Libya, I made no hefitation, but im- mediately obeyed. I direftly refigned all my power, and became as much as ever a private man. Even when judgment was given againft me, I patiently fubmitted. In this manner I conducted myfelf and the affairs of my country, being a barbarian, unmflriid:ed in the learning of the elegant Greeks, and not, like Alexan- der, able to repeat all Homer by heart. I had not the advantage of having had the precepts of Ariftotle to profit by, but owed every thing to my own genius. Thefe, Sir, are my reafons for prefumingto think myfelf fuperior to Alex- ander. If indeed he values himfelf on having VOL. II. I his 130 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. his head bound up with a fine diadem, fuch a pretenfion, for aught I know, may pafs with the Macedonians ; but, I fancy, fo filly a con- ceit mould hardly exalt his merit above that of a fpirited and difcerning general, who derived much lefs of his fuccefs from the impulfe of fortune, than the prudence of his counfels, and the native powers of his own mind. MINOS. It is now your turn to fpeak, Alexander. Upon my word he has acquitted himfelf in a much better manner than could have been ex- pected from one of his country. ALEXANDER. It is quite unneceffary furely, Minos, for Alexander to make any reply to fo audacious a claim. Let it fufHce, that Fame has recorded me as a great king, and him as a great [jy] thief. I pray, Sir, confider the difference ! I fucceeded to the empire very young, and found my affairs [y] Alexander himfelf, and many others as good, have been called very opprobrious names by faucy wits. Demof- thenes beftows on Philip, the father of Alexander, the very fame appellation, which Alexander in this dialogue gives to Anmbal, ?ir,ris, a free-booter, or publick robber. Philipp. 4. in DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 1 3 I in a very bad lituation. I immediately put an .end to the diforders that prevailed in the ftate; I revenged myfelf on the murderers of my fa- ther, and threw all Greece into a confternation by the deflru&ion of the Thebans. Being ap- pointed to the command of their armies, I thought it a pitiful ambition to be matter of the Macedonians alone, and to reft contented with the care of cherifhing merely what my father had left me. I compared in my imagi- 1 nation the circuit of the earth, and was per- fuaded, that, unlefs I could conquer the whole of it, I fliould be nobody at all. At the head therefore of my little army I advanced into Afia. ~ I came off victorious in a great battle at the river Granicus. After making myfelf mafter oi I .ydia, Ionia, and Phrygia, and fubduing what- ever clfe lay in my way, I arrived at Iflus, where Darius with a prodigious army waited my com- ing. After this, Minos, it is impoffible that you can have forgot how many dead I difpatch- ed to you in a fingle day. Charon declares, that his boat was fo far from being capable of containing them, that very great numbers were obliged to crofs the river on rafts, which they found thcmlelves under a neceffiry of providing la on 132 DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. on that occafion. Whilft engaged in thefe exploits, I was fo little in fear of being wound- ed, that I was always the firft to rufh into dan- ger. Not to trouble you with the particulars of what paiFed at Tyre and Arbeli, I fliall juft mention my advancing to the Indies, where I bounded my empire with the ocean. I made their elephants my prifoners. I fubdued Porus. Faffing the Tanais, I beat the hardy Scythians in a great battle of cavalry. I employed my- felf in doing good to my friends, and taking vengeance on my enemies. And, if men took me for a god, they may very well be ex- cufed : it was natural enough to believe any thing of a perfon, whofe actions were fuch as mine. The laft thing I fhall mention is, that I continued a great king to the end of my life. Whereas Annibal died in exile at the court of Prufias the Bithynian, as it was fit he Ihould : a fellow fo cruel deferved no better fate. It is needlefs to obferve by what means he overcame the Italians ; not by bravery, but fuperior vil- lainy, . perfidy, and deceit. Not one inflancc can be produced of his acting honourably, openly, and fairly. But, fince he has thought fit to reproach me for my luxury, I fancy the gentle- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. gentleman mufl have forgot his own pretty do- ings at Capua ; where, iriflead of improving his advantages, and feizing the favourable oc- cafions of war, he wafted his time with harlots,, in a continued round of voluptuous idlenefs. For my part, if I had not diftinguiilied myfelf in the eaftern world, I fhould not have claimed much from my victories in the weft. Though I made myfelf matter of Italy without blood- fhed, though I fubdued Libya, and the whole country as far as Gades, I looked upon all that as nothing. For what was it to conquer thofe who trembled at my very name, and who, as foon as they could know my mind, were ready to acknowledge me their lord ? I have done, Minos. From the little I have faid you will have no difficulty in deciding the matter be- tween us. S C I P I O. Before you give judgment, Minos, I expect to be heard. MINOS. Pray, my good friend, what have you to fay ? Who are you ? Whence come you ? I 3 S C I P I O. DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. S C I P I O. I am Scipio, the Italian. I am the general who beat the Carthaginians in many pitched battles, and deflroyed their city. MINOS, Well, and what then ? SCIPIO. I do not mean, Sir, to compare myfclf with Alexander ; but furely my actions may be al- lowed to be fuperior to thofe of Annibal, whom I conquered, whom I drove to a difgraceful flight. I wonder he is not aihamed to put himfelf in competition with Alexander; which is a great deal more than I who beat him dare prefume to do ! MINOS. I muft confefs, Scipio, that what you fay carries a great deal of weight with it. Let Alexander ftand firft on the lift to be tried, and Scipio next. And let Annibal, if he think fit, be the third. Annibal is not a character to be defpifed. CRATES AND DIOGENES. CRATES. PRAY, Diogenes, did you know the rich Msrichus ? i mean the very wealthy Co- rinthian with fuch a quantity of Ihipping, the rich coufin of rich Arifleas. Arifleas was well enough difpofcd to his relation, to ufe with great propriety the words of Homer : [z] " Do you fling me, my friend, or I will you." DIOGENES. What was the occafion of fuch compliments palling between them ? [z] Horn. II. 23. v. 724. The words of Ajax wreftling with Uiyfles, thus translated: " Or let me lift thee, chief, or lift thou me." which line of Pope's is not much more poetical than one of his mafter Dryden, in his tranflation of the interview between Hei5lor and Andromache. Horn. II. 6. " He found her not at home, for fhe was gone." " He found her not at home," fays the great Dryden and then adds this incomparable reafon, " for fhe was gone." With fuch fyrnptoms of human frailty in the works of great authors, we little fcribblers are marvelloufly apt to confole oitr- fclves ! 14 CRATES. 1 36 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. CRATES. Money, Sir, money. They were of the fame age, and each had avowedly made his will in favour of the other ; fo that it was the intereft of each, you fee, to outlive the other, as it was the endeavour of each to out-flatter the other. The foothfayers, from the ftars, or from dreams, deducing their {kill (fo were wont the fons of Chaldcea, and fo Apollo himfelf), \vere by no means uniform in their judgment, deciding fometimes in favour of Arifleas, fome- times of Mcerichus. Now this end of the ba- lance prevailed, and now [a] that. DIOGENES. But how did the affair end ? I ihpuld be glad to hear. CRATES. They both died on the very fame day ; and their eftates came to Eunomius and Thrafycles ; who, though the next of kin, had never once had the Jeaft fore-boding of their own good fortune. The two friends, Arifleas and Msri- TLive, yoe.o rot TO r AXXoli f-; tJ7^I Theognides, r 5f/ 8. chus, DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. 137 jchus, having got about half way on a voyage from Sicyon to Cirrha, met with contrary winds, and were ihipwrecked, DIOGENES. I am giad of it with all my heart. When, you and I were in the world above, I think, we entertained no fuch fentiments the one towards the other. I never wifhed for the death of Antiflhenes, that I might inherit his ftaff (though it was a good flrong one, 1 remember, made of a wild olive) ; nor do I imagine, that you wifhed to furvive me, or entertained any hopes of being heir to my eflate, my tub, and my wallet, the latter of which held about [] three pints of lupines. CRATES. We had no need of fuch things : you inhe- rited of Antiflhenes all that you wanted ; and I fucceeded you in a pofleffion of more impor- tance than the Perfian empire. [] Two chaenices. A chsenix was a mcafure contain! i>g the quantity of riftuals allowed by the Greeks to a flave for oae day. D I O- 1^8 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. DIOGENES. What do you mean ? CRATES. I mean wifdom, felf-fatisfa&ion, truth, li- berty of fentiment, freedom of fpeech. DIOGENES. Yes, I well remember the eftate which An- tifthenes bequeathed me ; it afterwards defcend- ed to you, I believe I may fay, fomewhat im- proved. CRATES. Yet nobody followed or flattered us with a view of inheriting our pofleffions ; mean while money engaged univcrfal attention. DIOGENES. They had no faculties for the reception of fuch treafures as ours. Their luxurious fouls were as incontinent as a rotten purfe. Not having a found bottom, they are unable to re- tain wifdom, truth, and liberty ; which would not fail to run through their minds as fafl as they Ihould be poured in. So that their condi- tion refcmbles that of the daughters of Danaus, whofe DIALOGUES OF LUCIA V. 139 whofe tafe was to fill fieves with water. With regard to gold, it does not fo readily efcape them : to gold they cling with every [Yj power they have, CRATES. However we have the better of them, becaufe we can bring our riches with us even hither ; while the utmoft which they can fecure is one forry obolus, and that pot for themfelves, but the ferryman. CHARON, MERCURY, and feveral of tht; Dead. CHARON. ONLY confider our lituatkm. You fee, gen- tlemen, the boat is not only very fmall, but very leaky, being fomewhat the worfe for wear; fo that the leaft inclination to either fide would infallibly overfet us. And yet you come crowd- ing in in fuch numbers, and every one of you fo loaded, that, if you perfift in carrying all this luggage, I am confident you will find [c] oj7i x ovvft. Tooth and nail. reafon 140 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. reafon to repent it, at leaft fuch of you as can- not fwim. THE DEAD. What mud we do to get fafe over ? , CHARON. I will tell you- what you muft do. You muft ftrip off thofe fuperfiuities, leave them on the fand, and go aboard naked. Even then the boat will hardly contain you. Do you take good care, Mercury, that no one be taken in, \vho has not made himfelf as light as poflible, quitting every thing which he intended to take with him. Stand by the ladder, and take an exadt account of them. Oblige them to ftrip themfelves ftark naked ; do you hear ? Other- wife do not admit them, M E R C U R Y. I hear what you lay ; I will take care. Who is this, that comes firft ? M E N I ? P U S. Menippus. Here is my wallet, Mercury, and my ftaff; let them be toffed into the lake together. I was right not to bring my cloak. MER- -DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 141 MERCURY. Welcome, my dear Menippus, thou heft of men ! Take the firft feat, the high feat next to the waterman. There you may have the beft opportunity of making obfervations on your companions. What fine fellow is this ? CHARMOLEUS. I am the lovely Charmoleus of Megara ; a kifs of me was rated at a [d'] couple of talents. MERCURY. You muft off with all your charms : this is no place for kifling. Away with that fine long hair, thofe glowing blufhes, that delicate Ikin. Very well; you will do now. Get aboard. But who are you, who look fo gruff, with your purple, and your diadem ? . LAMPICHUS. I am Lampichus, the tyrant of the Geloi. MERCURY. But pray, Lampichus the tyrant of the Geloi, why fo loaded ? (V] Three hundred eighty-feven pounds, ten Shillings. Sanewhat of the dearelt. L A M P I- 142 DIALOGUES OF LUCIAN. LAMPICHUS. I hope, Mercury, you did not expeft a king to come naked j 1 MERCURY. A king indeed ! you are neither more nor lefs than a dead man, and as fuch I coniider you. Away, Sir, with your fooleries I LAMPICHUS. My riches are gone already, you fee. MERCURY. And your pride, and your arrogance, mull be laid afide; unlefs you mean to overload the boat. LAMPICHUS. Well, but you will allow me to retain my diadem and my royal robe ? MERCURY. Indeed, Sir, no fuch thing. Strip ! ftrip ! LAMPICHUS. What is to be done now ? 1 have nothing left now that you can objedt to. M E R- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 143 MERCURY. Only a few trifling particulars, fuch as your cruelty, your folly, your infolence, your paf- iion, and fo forth. LAMPICHUS. At laft, I hope I am light enough for you. MERCURY. Go aboard then. What broad-lhouldered, brawny fellow is this that comes next ? D A M A S I A S. Damafias, the wreftler. MERCURY. O, I remember you ; I have feen you feveral times in the palasftra. DAMASIAS. Yes, Mercury ; and you will not fcruple taking me, for I am naked enough. MERCURY. I beg your pardon, Sir; I cannot think a man naked, whofe bones are fo well covered. In the flate you are in, you would overturn the veflel with one foot. You mud reduce your fat I44 D I ALOGUES OF LUCIA N. fat fides, cafl off. your garlands, and part with your atchievements. D A M A S I A S. Now you will allow me to be really naked, and in no more danger of finking the boat than another man. MERCURY. Get aboard then. You will find the advan- tage of being light. You, Crato, mull leave your riches, your delicacy, your luxury, your [e~] pofthumous finery, the honours of your an- ceflors. You are to forget all former claims of family, or dignity, even though you may have been publickly honoured as the benefactor of your country ; the legend of the flatue, or the magnificence of the tomb, you are not to regard. Never mention them. The remembrance would only opprefs you. CRATO. If I muft part with them, I muft. What can I do > MERCURY. Wonderful ! a man in armour ! What can this mean? For what, Sir, do you bear this trophy? [1a?, the cloathing appropriated to dead bodies. i SOLDIER. DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 145 SOLDIER. Becaufe i&.gye conquered. Becaufe, Mercury, I have been honoured by my country. Becaufe I have been diftinguifhed above others^ MERCURY. You had better leave your trophy behind you to be erected on earth : it would be prepof- terous in the world you are going to, where there is continual peace, and no ufe of arms. But this venerable figure, perking up his eyes, and curling his brows, with fuch depth of co- gitation and beard, who can he be ? Some philofopher, you may be fure. Or, rather call him a Mountebank, a dealer in le- gerdemain. Do but flrip him, and you will find many laughable articles concealed under his garment. MERCURY. You, Sir, firft lay afide your habit, and then every thing elfe in order. O, Jupiter ! what a collection ! what arrogance, what ignorance, VOL. II. K what 146 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. what wrangling, what vanity, what intricate queflions, what thorny reafonings, what per- plexed conceits, what labour in vain, what trifling, what foolery, what a noife about no- thing, does this man carrry about him ! Upon my word, Sir, before you go any further, you muft difpofe of your gold too. You muft rc- folve to bid adieu to your good living. And it is now time to abandon your impudence, your pettiihnefs, your luxury, your delicacy. Do not be fo weak as to imagine you can conceal thefe, or any thing elfe from me. You muft alfo part with your lying, and your pride, and give up that very favourable opinion which you entertain of your own fuperior merit. With all this baggage, Sir, a vefiel with fifty oars would not hold you ! PHILOSOPHER. You command, and I muft obey. M E N I P P U S. Pray, Mercury, would there be any impro- priety in his laying aiide that rough heavy beard of DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 147 of his, which, I dare fay, does not weigh lefs than five minx [] ? MERCURY. You are in the fight, Menippus. Off with it, Sir. PHILOSOPHER. But where is the barber ? MERCURY. Menippus will undertake that office. The Ihip's ladder will ferve him for a block to lay it on, and he may chop it off with the car- penter's axe. MENIPPUS. Not with an axe, Mercury; I fhould pre- fer a faw : that would be better. M U R C U R Y. The axe will db. MENIPPUS. Well, Sir, at prefent you look fomewhat more like a man, and {link fomewhat lefs like a goat. Suppofe I trim his eyebrows a little ? [/] Four pounds, eight ounces, eighteen penny-weights, nine grains three-fevenths. K 2 M E R- 148 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA K. MERCURY. By all means ; I know not why he fhould hold them fo high, or what he has to be fo proud pf. What now, Sir ? What, are you afraid of death ? Come, come, get aboard. M E N I P P U S. He has concealed one principal part of his load. MERCURY. What is that ? . M E N I P P U S. His old friend adulation, which has been of fuch lingular ufe to him. PHILOSOPHER. Since you come to that, Menippus, I beg you will ftrip too, and lay afide your imperti- nence. Leave off indulging your tongue in fuch unwarrantable liberties. Your daring un- concern, yout railing, your derifion, are not to be endured. Why fhould you be the onlyone to laugh ? MERCURY. I fay, let Menippus keep what he has. They are light commodities, eafily portable, and very i ferviceable DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 1 49 ferviceable in a voyage. But you, Mr. Orator, you are to leave behind you your endlefs lo- quacity, your antithefes, the roundings of your periods, your barbarifms, your wordy lumber. ORATOR. Very well ; I fubmit. MERCURY. You do right. Come, let us get ready for failing. Hoift up the ladder, and weigh an- chor. Set your fail, and mind your fleerage, Mr. Waterman. A good voyage to us ! What do you find to weep for, ye fools ! The Phi- lofopher, who has been juft fliaved, feems in- confolable. PHILOSOPHER. I thought the foul of man immortal. It is that confederation, Mercury, which makes me weep. M E N I P P U S. He lies, Mercury. His weeping is owing to a very different caufc, MERCURY. What ? K 3 ME- 1 50 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA K. M E N I P P U S. He weeps becaufe he fliall no longer enjoy his delicious (uppers, nor have an opportunity at night of dealing out, muffled up in his robe, to vifit the brothels. He will no longer in a morning earn money by impofing on his young difciples his pretended wifdom. Thefe are his grievances. PHILOSOPHER. And pray, Menippus, do you feel no con- cern at the thought of being no longer alive ? MENIPPUS. I Wonder you can afk the queflion. Did not I make all the [g] hafte hither I could with- out call or compulfion ? But while we are thus talking, do not you hear a great noife, Mercury, which feems to be made by fome people bawling above ? MERCURY. I hear it very well ; but it does not appeaj- to proceed all from the fame place. Some are running together to divert themfelves, and laugh at the death of Lampichus. His wife [g] Menippus hanged himfelf. if Diogenes Laertius is fo be bclicveu, - is DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 151 is pent up not very much to her fatisfaftion, within a circle of women. The boys are pelt- ing his Httle children with great Hones. In Sicyon feveral perfons are extolling Diophantus, the orator, who has compofed a funeral pane- gyrick on Craton. The mother of Damaiiasf^] leads the band of mourners for the lols of her fon. But as for you, Menippus, nobody grieves for you, you alone may lie quiet. MENIPPUS. I beg your pardon, It will not be a great while before you will hear the dogs miferably howling over me, and the croaking ravens flapping their wings, in honour of my ob- fequies. MERCURY. You are a fine fellow, Menippus. But we are now at the end of oqr voyage. That path will take you directly to the place pf trial. Meantime Charon and I n>uft go back for more. M E N I P P P U S. I wifh ypu a good vqyage vvith all my heart. Come, let us go forward. Pfhaw ! what fignifies T $fjK c:'v 7v vat l (v > begins tlie howl with her women. this 1 52 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. this relu&ance ? you muft all jfubmit to your fentence, whether you like it or not. They talk of heavy punifhments, fuch as wheels, and vultures, and huge {tones; which, > I can tell you for your comfort, you will find it impof- fible to evade ; for every aftion of every one of you will be laid fully open. SJMYLUS AND POLYSTRATUS. S I M Y L U S. AND you are come amongft us at laft, Polyflratus ! I believe you lived to near a hundred. POLYSTRATUS. I was ninety eight, Simylus, when I died. S I M Y L U S. And how did you pafs the lail thirty years of your life ? When I died, I think, you were about feventy. POLYSTRATUS. I do not know what you may think of the mntter, but I can aflure you I paired my time ycry agreeably, S I- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 153 S I M Y L U S. I cannot but marvel indeed, if a decrepit old fellow like you, and with never a child to com- fort him, could find any thing delectable in life. POLYSTRATUS. Sir, I had every thing at my command. I was attended by a numerous retinue of the moft beautiful of both fexes, all in the flower of their youth. I had the fined perfumes, and the moft delicious wine ; I had a table even exceeding that of a Sicilian. S I M Y L U S. My wonder increafes. For I well remember you ufed to be remarkably ftingy and fparing of your expences. POLYSTRATUS. All thefe fine things, my good Sir, were the contributions of others, whofe benefactions flowed upon me in a ftream. My doors were crowded by day-break with multitudes waiting my levee. And the very moment of admittance, the moft valuable prefents of every kind came pouring in upon me from every corner of the earth. S I.. 154 D I A L G UES Q F LUC I AN. S I M Y L U S. After I was dead then, I fuppofe, you be- came a kin ? POLYS. TRATUS. No, I was no king ; but, neverthelefs, I had admirers without number. S I M Y L U S. Admirers ? you make a body laugh. Ad* rnirers ! what, did they admire ? your four teeth and your five jfcore- years ? POLY STRATUS. You may be as witty as you pleafe ; what I fay is true. I was, indeed, as you obferve, ibmewhat old, rather bald, and rather blind, and my nofe none of the cleaneil ; yet, not- withftancjing all this, my lovers, who by the bye were the principal perfons of the city, were moft affiduous to fhew their paflion, and happy was he on whom I happened to cafl a favour/* able glance. S I- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N, 155 S I M Y L U S. I know not what to make of all this, unlejfs you are another [t] Phaon, Pray, have you, like him,, givenVenus a caft over the water ? and did fhe, in return for your civil ufage, grant you a wifh ? and was it in confequence of that, that you became young again and beautiful and lovely ? POLYSTRATUS, I had no manner of occafion to make ufe of fuch high-flown pretences : every body was in love with me as I was, beauty without paint. S I M Y L U S, You talk riddles. POLYSTRATUS. There is nothing ftrange nor myflerious in the matter. Love is continually lying in wait [/] We are informed ly .flLltan, Var. Hift. XII, 18, that Phaon was a waterman, vyho, happening fo have Venire tor a palTenger over the river, was io extremely civil, and took fuch uncommon care of her, that, at parting, fiie beftowed on him a box of cofmetick ; by ufing which, he became Ib very handfome, that all the ladies of Mitylene fell in love with him, paiticularly Sappho, ' qv am fcribere juffit amor," for 156 DIALOGUES OP LUCIA N. for fuch amiable old fellows as have no heirs to their eftates. S I M Y L U S. Now, I fancy, I begin to underfland you. Your beauty was the gift of the golden Venus. POLYS TRATUS. My lovers were almoft ready to adore me ; and, you may be fure, I made the mod of it. I ufed to give.myfelf airs, and order myfelf to be denied to them, and was as prudifh as you pleafe; meanwhile they were labouring with all their might to outdo one another in courtlhip and affiduity. S I M Y L U S. But what did you refolve on at laft with re- fpet to your poffeffions ? POLYS TRATUS. I ufed to give out, that I intended fuch an one for my heir, naming them all in their turns. Every one was thus induced to confider him- felf as the man that was meant, and of courfe became more and more complaifant. All this while I had no defign in favour of any one of them, having bequeathed all my effedls to quite a different perfon. To them, I can allure you, I left DIALOGUES OF LUC I AN. 157 I left nothing more than a moft miferable dif- appointment. S I M Y L U S. And who then was appointed heir by your laft will and teftament? the nearefl akin, I fuppofe ? POLYSTRATUS. No fuch thing, believe me. A handfbme, young Phrygian, that I had juft made a pur- chafe of, was the man. S I M Y L U S. Young, you fay ; pray what age might he be ? POLYSTRATUS. About twenty. S I M Y L U S. Sir, your moft humble fervant. POLYSTRATUS. Nay, I am fure he richly deferred my eflate : the poor barbarian was much preferable to them. And fo it appears, for the beft of them is now not a little proud of being his friend. He, Sir, was my heir, and became from that moment of as good a family as any in the country. 1 58 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N; country. Though his beard and his Greek are almoft equally ftrangers to him, Codrus can at prefent no more furpafs him iri defcent, than Nireus in Beauty, or Ulyfies in wifdom. S 1 M Y L U S, I care not what he is^ He may be captain general of Greece if he will ; fo as he does but ftand in the way between the flatterers and the fortune* KNEMON AND DAMNIPPU& K N E M O N. T HIS is verifying the proverb, catching a tartar ! DAMNIPPUS. What is the matter, Knemon ? you feem angry ? KNEMON. Angry ! I have reafon enough to be angry. Blockhead as I was, how I have been outwit- ted ! I have difpofed of my eftate quite con- trary to my own intentions. DAM- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA K. 1 59 DAMNIPPUS. How could that be ? K N E M O N. I will tell you. Hermolaus being extremely rich, and having no child, I thought him a proper object of my attention and affiduity. He readily accepted my fervices ; and I as impa- tiently waited the event. I looked upon it as no bad fchemc to fhew my will, in which I had appointed him heir of all I had in the world ; thinking he might be thus induced to return the compliment. DAMNIPPPUS. And did he not ? K N E M O N. How he fettled his affairs in his laft will and teftament, 1 can give no account. I only know this, that I had the misfortune to die before him, being killed in a moment by the fall of a houfe. Upon which Hermolaus took imme- diate poffemon of all that was mine. He was as eager, Sir, as the pike, that greedily fwal- lows both bait and hook 5 DAM* 1 60 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. D A M N I P P U S. And fifherman too. You have been too cun- ning for yourfelf ; that is all. K N E M O N. Indeed I have, and I forely repent it* ZENOPHONTES AND CALLI* D E M I D E S. ZENOPHANTES. WHAT did you die of, Callidcmides ? As me, I was the parafite of Deinias, and was choaked by over-gorging myfelf. But you muft remember it very well : you were by all the while. CALLIDEMIDES. I remember it very well. Mine was a more whimfical end. You could not but know old Ptaeodorus. ZENOPHANTES. You mean the old man whom you ufed to be continually with. He was very rich, I re- member, and had no children to inherit his fortune. C A L- DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. l6l CALLIDEMIDES. The very man, I was conftantly employed in paying my court to him, thinking he would die at laft, and leave me to enjoy the benefit of my labour. But he lived a moft tedious while, even to be older than [] Tithonus ; which put me upon finding out what I thought a more com- pendious way of coming at his eftate. I bought a dofe of poifon, and prevailed with his cup- bearer, the next time he fhould call for wine^ (which by the bye he drinks with great com- placency) to have a fufficient quantity of the poifon ready infufed in the cup* At the fame time I fwore a great oath 3 that, if he fucceeded to my wifh, I would not fail to give him his liberty. Z E N O P H A N T E S. And pray how did it end ? Not as you ex* pedted, I fuppofe ? [] Tithonus was fo handfome, that Aurora fell in love with him, and wifhed him to live for ever; but, as flic was unable, with all her fondnefs, to preierve him from the in- firmities of age, he grew tired of his life, and begged to be turned into a grafliopper ; which favour was accerdingly granted, and the goddefs hung him up in the air in a bafket tor her amufement; Tithonuiquc remotus in auras. Hor. Od. I. 28. Tilhoni cioceum linquens aurora cubile. Virg. JKn. 4. 585. \ r oL. II. L C A L- 1 62 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA Ki CALLIDEMIDES. The young man had provided himfelf with two cups againft our return from the Bath, one for each of us ; but, as ill-luck would have it, he made an unfortunate blunder, and gave me the draught, which we had intended for Ptoeo- dorus. He drank his cup, and I mine, which in an inflant knocked me down dead. Thus Ptcedorus, inflead of dying himfelf, had me for his proxy. Pray, Sir, what do you laugh at ? Is this your behaviour to laugh at your friend ? ZENOPHANTES. How can I help laughing ? A very pleafant circumfiance, Callidemides, upon my word ! But what did the old man fay ? CALLIDEMIDES. At firft he was a little confounded with an accident fo unexpected. But no fooner was he recovered from his furprife, and made acquaint- ed with the man's miftake, than he laughed as heartily as you do. Z E- DIALOGUES OF LUCIAN". 162 ZENOPHANTES. You ftiould have been contented to let things proceed in the ufual train ; which, though flow^ might have been more fure. TERPSION AND PLUTO. T E R P S I O N. HERE I am dead at the age of thirty, while old Thucritus^ upwards of ninety, Is fuffered to be ftill alive ! Do you call this fair, Pluto? PLUTO. Yes, very fair, Terpfion: Why Ihould not he, who never prayed for the death of any friend, be permitted to outlive you, who were perpetually plotting againfl both his life and eftate ? TERPSION. And pray do not you think, that fuch an old fellow as he, paft all enjoyment, Ihould take himfelf decently away, and make room for thofe that are younger ? L 2 PLUTO. 164 DIALOGUES OF LUClAtf. PLUTO. That an old man, paft his pleafures, ihonld therefore die, Terpfion, is a law quite new f and very different from the inftitutes o-f fate and nature ! T E R F S I O N. I do not deny that.- That is what I complairt" f. There ought to be fome regular kind of procedure. The oldeft mould go firft, and then the next ; and fo on ; and not let all reafon and order be reverfed in the manner they are. Only confider, Sir, what it is for a man to live to fo very advanced an age, with hardly a tooth remaining in his head, almoft quite blind, obliged to be carried from place to place, with blear eyes and dropping noftrils, a living ll-puichre, no longer fufccptibie of de- light, tircibmc to himfelf, and difgufting to- others. Whilft laughter-loving youth, with all its flrength and all its beauty, falls down dead' at his feet ! This is turning things topfy-turvjy and not lefs prepofterous than the cart dragging the horfe. Befides ought not a body to be in- formed of the exadt time when one of thefe old fellows may be expected to depart, in order than DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. 165 that no more care and pains than are abfolutely neceflary may be expended upon him ? P L' U T O. Matters, Sir, are ordered with much greater propriety than you are willing to fuppofe. Why fhould you and iuch as you be always gaping after other men's poffeffions ? If an old fellow happens to be without children, cannot you let him be quiet, without adopting you ? People may very well laugh, when they fee you thus clifappointed. The more eagerly you wifhed to be left behind, the more every one rejoices at feeing you go firft. Your manner of falling fo defperately in love with the old and the ugly, is conlidered as fomething new, and af- fords matter of fpeculation. It is obferved, that thofe only who are without heirs are the objects of your regard, whilft for thofe who have you profefs no fuch violent affection. In- deed, many elderly perfons, of the latter kind, being not unacquainted with your character, carefully conceal their fondnefs for their chil- dren, pretending even to hate them, that they too may have lovers and be courted. Mean- while they have no intention at all of allowing thefe their fatellites a place in their laft will, in L 3 , which, 1 66 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA tf. which, as is truly moft fit, nature and theii; pwn offspring are fure to prevail ; and which accordingly produces the moft cutting mortifi- cation. T E R P S I O N. Yes, indeed, I moft readily fubfcribe to what you fay. How much of my fubftance did Thucritus devour, while he feemed every mo- ment at his laft gafp ! I never entered his houfe, but he feemed to be coughing up his lungs. And therefore, as I thought it impoffible for him to be long out of his coffin, my bufinefs, you know, was to take care, that no rival Ihould fupplant me in his favour by fending more coftly prefents. But behold ! whilft I lay fleep- lefs on my bed, counting imaginary wealth, and fettling every thing juft as I would have it, watching and anxiety have been the death of me ! Thucritus, it is true, fwallowed my bait, but he could not be caught. He attended my funeral the other day, and was not a little diverted on the occafion. PLUTO. O rare Thucritus ! May you live, old boy, as long as you can, rolling in riches, and laughing DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. laughing at fuch worthy friends. I ihall be very forry, if all your flatterers do not die be- fore you. T E R P S I O N. I cannot but fay, Pluto, that it would be a comfortable thing to fee Chariades here. PLUTO. Give yourfelf no concern about that. Phi- don and Melantus, and every man of them, will die before Thucritus : their cares will yil them, as yours did you, TERPSION. On thefe terms I am contented. Long life to you, Thucritus ! L4 PLUTO PLUTO [/] AND MERCURY, PLUTO. DO you know old Eucrates, the childlefs Eucrates ? He is not only very old, but very rich, and thoufands are hunting after his eftate. MERCURY. You mean the Sicyonian. What have you to fay of him ? PLUTO. What I have to fay is this. He is now four- fcore and ten, and I beg he may be allowed to double his prefent age at lead. .1 intreat yon to grant me this favour ; and that you would not fail to difpatch young Charinus and Damon, and the reft of his flatterers, in due ord] five oboli. CHARON. Put it down. M E R C U R Y. For pitch to caulk your vefiel, and for nails, and rope for your fail-yard, two drachmas all together. CHARON. Very well ; that was a bargain, M E R C U R Y. I cannot think of any thing elfe ; though it is veiy poffible fomething or other may have flip- ped my memory. When do you fay you will pay me ? CHARON. At prefent, Mercury, it is impoffible : trade is fo dead. But who knows ? a war or a pefti- [/] Six-pence one farthing |. lence DIALOGUES LUCIA N. 173 lencc may bring us better times. In which cafe I may have an opportunity now and then in a crowd of making a little money by charging a paffenger more than his due. MERCURY. That I may get my bill paid, I believe it will be beft for me to fit down, and inftantly pray for all manner of calamity to fall on mankind* CHARON. There is no other way for you to expect your money, I aflure you. In this time of profound peace, you fee, hardly a foul comes near us. M E R C U R Y. For that matter, there is no queftiori, that peace is better for mankind than war, though I am kept out of ready cafh by it. You have not forgot, Charon, the looks of our old cuf- tomers formerly. They were the men, who ufed to come to us covered with blood and wounds. Times are ftrangely altered in our memory. At prefent one is poifoned by his fon, another by his wife; a third dies of a dropfy, the effect of good living. All of them feem 1 74 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA jr: feem miferable wretches, not in the leafl like their forefathers. Very many, I am afraid; afiaffinate one another, to obtain money. CHARON. Yes, that fame money Is a moft deiireable thing. MERCURY. If you think fo, you cannot take it much amifs, that you find me rather urgent on this occaiion. I only aik for what is my own. MENIPPUS, AMPHIL6CHUS, AND TROPHONIUS. MENIPPUS. 1 Should be very glad to know, [e fo incre- dulous. M E N I P P U S. What, I fuppofe, unlefs I go to Lebadia, and make a fool of myfelf, by creeping on my hands 176 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N; hands and knees into a den, wrapped up iti linen, with a cake in my hand, I cannot fee that you are as much dead as myfelf, not a bit better than any one of your neighbours, ex- cept in the article of lying! But I beg one thing of you, and conjure you, prophet as you are, not to refufe me an anfwer. Pray what is a hero ? for I never could find it out. TROPHONIUS. A hero, Sir, a hero is a kind of a com- pofition, a fort of mixture of man and god* M E N I P P U S. Something, I underftand, that is neither the one nor the other, but both at once. Pray now where may your better half, your divi- nity, be at prefent ? TROPHONIUS. In Bosotia, Menippus, where it utters oracles; M E N I P P U S. That is not quite fo clear to me. One thing however I am very certain of, that you are dead every inch of you* 7 P L U T] Pason himfelf fhall find it a difficult matter to mend the cracks in your fkull. JUPITER. If you do not immediately leave off diflurb- ing this good company with your imperti- nence, I will fend you both a packing diredtly. But, to be fure, ^Efculapius has a right to fit above you, becaufe he died before you. T XANTHUS and the SEA. X A N T H U S. AKE me, O fea; compaflionate my fuf- ferings, and put an end to my pains. SEA. What is the matter, Xanthus ? Who can have made you fo mortally hot ? [f] See Horn. II. . 401, 899. See alfo Apollonius Rho- ilius. Arg, 4, i n. XAN- 192 DIALOGUES OF LUCIANV X A N T H U S. Vulcan. I am almofl as dry as a cinder. I am boiling hot* SEA. What could Vulcan mean by fuch conduct ? X A N T H U S. O, I know his motive very well ; Achilles was the caufe. I begged and prayed of that fame fon of Thetis to leave off murdering the Phrygians, but to no manner of purpofe; for he proceeded fo far as even to choak up my Itream with their dead bodies. At laft, pity- ing the poor wretches, whom he was thus wan- tonly deftroying, I collected all my force, and rufhed upon him, in hopes that the fear of being drowned might incline him to peace : when, behold ! Vulcan, who happened to be {landing by, fell inftantly upon me with all the fire he had, with all the flames of JEtna, with every combuftible he could collect ! My elms and my [/] tamarilks he has totally deflroyed t My fifhes, my poor eels are roafted alive ! [/) See Horn. II. *. 350. You DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 1 93 You fee in what a condition he has left me. I am almoft entirely gone in {team. SEA. You look hot and fluttered, to be fure, as might be reafonably expected ; for as blood flows from wounds, fo heat is the effedt of fire. To tell you the plain truth, I think you are rightly ferved. Had you no regard for a defcen- dant of mine ? no refpeft for the fon of a Nereid ? X A N T H U S. Pray, was I to have no concern for the fiif- ferings of my Phrygian neighbours ? SEA. And, pray,~was Vulcan to be lefs interefted in the caufe of Achilles, the fon of Thetis ? VOL* IL N N E P- r 194 } NEPTUNE and the NEREIDS. NEPTUNE. LE T the ftrait, into which ihe fell, be called from [g} her, the Hellefpont. And do- you, Nereids, take the girPs dead body, and carry it to Troas, that the people of the country may bury it. NEREIDS. Why fhould you wifli that, Neptune ? Why cannot we give the fea her body, as ihe is to give it her name ? Confidering how cruelly fhe has been treated by a mother-in-law, we pity the poor girl from our hearts. NEPTUNE. What you propofe [//], Amphitrite, cannot be. It is not proper for her to lie here in the [] Helle, the daughter of Athamas king of Thebes, flying from her ftepmother, fell off the golden ram, on which her brother Phryxus and (he had ventured to ride, in order to crofs the {trait between Propontis and the /Egean fea ; which from thence was called the Hellefpont. \h"\ Neptune firil addrefles himfelf to the Nereids in general, and now to only one. But that one, the reader fhould re- member, is Amphitrite his wife. fand. DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. Ipj fancL She fhall be buried in Troas, as I faid before, or Cherfonefus. And it will not be a great while before flic will have the fatisfaftion of [/] Ino's fuffering as much as Ihd has done, and in the fame manner too. Ino, driven from houfe and home by Athamas, will tumble head- foremoft from the top of Cithseron, with her fon in her arms, into the fea. NEREIDS. Ino nurfed and fondled Bacchus* We muft fave Ino, to oblige him* NEPTUNE. We cannot refufe doing any thing to oblige Bacchus ; but it is more than Hie deferves. NEREIDS. How happened the girl to fall ? her brother Phryxus rode fafe enough. NEPTUNE. Very well he might. He is a young man, and fits firm in his feat. She, poor thing, un- derftanding nothing of the matter, found the ram an uncouth kind of vehicle, and was n * fooner upon his back, than fhe was firuck with [1] Kelle's cruel ft eprnc- N 2 the' Ip6 DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. the aftonifhing! appearance of the deep below. She trembled all over. She grew giddy with the profpeft; and, when fhe could no longer keep her hold, fhe let go the ram's horns, and fell plump into the fea. NEREIDS. Should not her mother Nephele have affift- ed her ? NEPTUNE. Suppofe flie had, could Nephele contend with fate ? NEPTUNE and the DOLPHINS. NEPTUNE. WELL done, Dolphins ! ye are always" friendly to the human race ; I will fay that for you. Formerly ye took up the fon of Ino when he and his mother fell from the [] Scironides into the fea, and carried him to the Ifthmus. And now one of you has not only [] Rocks hanging over the fea, at the extremity of Ci- thccron and other mountains in Boeotia, fnatched DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. 197 {hatched up the harper of Methymna, but car- ried him bag and baggage through the water as far as Toenaros, the more effectually to fave him froni the wicked Tailors. DOLPHINS. You need not wonder at our affection for mankind, lince we were men once ourfelves. N E P T U N E. I think Bacchus might very well have been contented with vanquilhing you, as he had done others, without transforming you into fifties after the fight at fea, But; pray, how was this affair concerning Arion ? DOLPHINS. [/] Periander, it feems, was highly delighted with his playing, and, on that account, would very frequently fend for him. In fliort, after getting money in his majefty's fervice, he had a mind to go home to Methymna, to fliew il. Accordingly he went on board a ihip for that purpofe, which happened to be manned with JTj Periander, one of the feven wife men of Greece, xvas the laft king of Corinth. N 3 a fet 198 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. a fet of rafcals ; and, having been indifcreet enough to difcover what he carried with him, when they were got to about the middle of the JEgean fea, the failors fell upon him, with in- tent to difpatch him, " Gentlemen," fays he, (you muft know I fwam clofe to the veflel, and heard every word that was faid) " Gentlemen," faid he, " fince fuch is your pleafure, far be from me to oppofe it, I only beg your permiffion, before I throw myfelf overboard, in order to fave you the trouble, to take up my harp, and fing my own elegy." This was no fooner con- fented to, than he packed up his alls, gave them a loft tune, and let himfelf down into the fea, as a dying man. I immediately laid hold of him, put him on my back, and fwam with him to Toenaros. NEPTUNE. I admire your tafle, who fuffered not his fwe et notes to periih unrewarded. M E- MENELAUS and PROTEUS. M E N E L A U S. LOOK you here, Proteus, as to your being turned into water, as you belong to the fea, I can make a Ihift to believe that. Nay, your becoming a tree, or even a lion on occafion, is tolerable. But to transform yourfelf into fire, and notwithflanding that to live in the fea, is fo very unaccountable, that I mufl beg to be excufed : there is no fuch thing as believ- ing it. PROTEUS. , Why fhould you be fo furprifed, Menelaus ? It is not a whit ftranger than true. MENELAUS. Nay, for that matter, my own eyes but I beg your pardon, Proteus. I mufl own I fuf- pet fome legerdemain in the bufinefs. Have not you fome method of bewitching one's eye-fight, and making us think we fee what we do not ? N PRO- 2OO DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. PROTEUS. I wonder how you can think of any deceit in a thing fo evident as not to admit of any ? Were not your eyes fufficiently open, when you faw into how many things I metamorphofed myfelf ? However, if you {till pretend not to believe, and call it all fancy, I lhall only beg the favour of your hand, my good Sir, when I am fire. You will then be able to judge whether feeing be believing ; and perhaps your feeling may al- low me to poflefs the faculty of burning. MENELAUS. I am not very fond of making the experi- ment : there may be danger in it. PROTEUS. I fancy you have never feen the Polypus. Are you acquainted with the nature of that fim ? MENELAUS. I cannot fay that I have not feen it. But, as to the nature of it, I mould be glad to learn that from you. v p R q- DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. 2OI PROTEUS. When that fifli clings clofe to a rock, he changes his colour, and takes that of the Hone, which he fo exadtly mimicks, that the fimple filhermen believe him to be what he pretends, and pafs him by. MENELAUS. So they fay. But admitting all this, it is a mere nothing to what you do. PROTEUS. I cannot fo much as guefs who will be able to gain credit with a man, who diftrufts hi* own eyes. MENELAUS. I have feen it. I own, I have feen it. But it is Hill moft unaccountable to me, that fire and water fhould be made of the fame ma- terials. - The The CYCLOPS and NEPTUNE. CYCLOPS. H! father, what I have fuffered ! That ftranger, that villain, who made me drunk, fell upon me when I was afleep, and has put out my eye ! NEPTUNE. Who could dare to behave fo, Polyphemus ? CYCLOPS. Who ? At firfl he called himfelf NOBODT. But, as foon as he thought himfelf fairly out of reach, he roared out luftily, that his name was ULYSSES. NEPTUNE. Now I know whom you mean, Ulyfles of Ithaca, in his return from Troy. "But how came he to do you this injury ? I did not think he had been half fo flout. CYCLOPS. Coming home from the pafture, I caught feveral perfons in my den, who were met there, i It DIALOGUES OT LUCIA N. it was very plain, with no good defign againft rny flieep. I had fattened my door with a great {tone, which I have for that purpofe, and kindled my fire with fume wood, which I had brought from the mountain. They, being thus difcovered, tried to fecrete themfelves. However, I got hold of fome of the rafcals, and ferved them right, making no bones of them. To make them go down, that pretty gentleman, thar Nobody, that UlyfTes, or what you pleafe to call him, gave me foaiething or other to drink, which was in truth very plea- fant, and had a fine flavour. But it proved mofl treacherous and mifchievous. I drank it up, and very foon afterwards every thing ieemed all at once to be going round and round. My cave was turned topfy turvy, like my poor brain. At laft I fell faft afleep. Upon that he got ready a fharp flake, put it into the fire, and with the : -jn] burnt point of it blinded me as I lay, You fee in what a condition he has left me. NEPTUNE. You muft indeed, my fon, have - been very faft ufLep, not to be roufed with the lofs of [] Telo lumen terebramus acuto. Virgi!. your 2O4 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. your eye ! But how did he get off? I am furc UlyfTes could never be man enough to remove the great Hone from the door. CYCLOPS. I took it away myfelf, thinking I Ihould have a better chance to catch him. And feating myfeif by the door, to grope for his going out, I determined to let nobody pafs me but my iheep, which I committed to the care of the ram, having given him orders accordingly. NEPTUNE. I begin to guefs, that he was fly enough to get off undiicovered amongft the Iheep. But why did not you call the reft of the Cyclops as loudly as you could to come and help you ? CYCLOPS. I did call, father, and they came, and afked me what was the matter with me. But, when I told them how I had been betrayed and ill- ufed by Nobody, they directly concluded me not right in my head, and would have nothing farther to fay to me. A designing villain ! to impofe on me fo with his lying name ! What vczcs me above all the reft, he laughs me to fcorn, DIALOGUES OF LUC I AN. 205 fcorn, telling me I may reft contented, for it is not in the power of my father [V] Nep- tune to relieve me. NEPTUNE. Be comforted, my fon ; I will be revenged on him, never fear. Though I cannot cure your lofs of fight, I would have him to know, that all thofe who fail on the feas are in my power. And he has not yet got to land. FROMETHEUS and JUPITER. PROMETHEUS. LOOSE me, I pray, Jupiter; furely I have fuffered enough. JUPITER. Yes, to be fure ! Your fetters ought to be ten times heavier. All Caucafus wasYull little enough to lay upon your head. You ought to have fixteen hungry vultures all rioting on your liver at once, and your two eyes ihould 0] Horn. Od. IX. 52;. be 2O6 DIALOGUES OF LUCtAN. be fcooped out of your head. Pray, Sir, who was it Hole the coeleftial fire ? Did not you dare to manufacture that vile animal, man ? But why do I talk of man ? Did not yoii make woman ? I forbear to mention your fcandalous impofition upon me in parting the treat [*]. You thought the greafy bones good enough for Ju- piter, and kept all the befl to yourfelf* PROMETHEUS. Even fuppofing my offence to have been whatever you pleafe to reprefent it, do not you think I have been fufHciently puniihed ? Here have I been faft nailed this long time to this huge mountain, and obliged to find perpetual liver for this accurfed eagle ! [0] The ancients having been long aceufrorred to confume eveiy part of the facrifice in the fervice of the Gods, to the great detriment of the poorer fort of votaries, Prometheus interfered in the matter, and obtained a promife from Ju- piter, that he would be contented for the future u ith one half. That ingenious mechanick, having afterwards made an offering of a couple of bulls, when they were cut up, put the flefli in one hide, and the bones in another, and offered Jupiter his choice ; who, fufpefting nothing, took the bones* Hovve\er the trick would not pafs again, the Gods tor the future infifting on the whole. Hyginus in Altronomico Poerico, J U- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA tf. 207 JUPITER. It is not the tbioufandth part of what you de- fsrve. PROMETHEUS. I do not defire to be fet at liberty without making a proper fatisfaction : I can tell you fomething, Jupiter, I believe, which you would be very glad to know. JUPITER. What, you want to come round me Co, do you ? No, no, Sir, I am not fo eafily out- witted. PROMETHEUS. What could I propofe to myfelf by outwit- ting you ? You would be at no lofs to find out Caucafus again, and could always have fetters in plenty for me. JUPITER. Let me know what fervice of confequence it is in your power to render me. PROMETHEUS. If I Ihould tell you whither you are now going, would you trufl my predictions another time ! JU- 208 DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. JUPITER. Yes ; tell me that, and I will believe you. PROMETHEUS. You are going to vifit Thetis. I fliall not mention your errand. JUPITER. It is even fo, for certain. Well, and what elfe can you tell me ? PROMETHEUS. It is a connection, which I wifh you to avoid. If that Nereid fhould bring you a fon, I am pretty well allured, that he would ferve his fa- ther juft as you did yours. JUPITER. Dethrone me, I fuppofe, you mean ! PROMETHEUS. You may take my word, Jupiter, that I am very far from wifhing it; but I wifh you to guard againft it. JUPITER. I will take your hint, and think no more of her. And, for your friendly admonition, Vul- can lhall fet you free. CUPID, CUPID AND JUPITER. i CUPID. F I have been guilty of any offence, I hope, Jupiter, you will forgive me ; as you fee J am a poor little boy, not come to years of dif- cretion. JUPITER. A little boy indeed ! you are older than [f~\ Japetus. You are well experienced in every fpecies of mifchief. But, becaufe your beard is not grown, nor your temples covered with fnow, truly you muft pretend to be an infant ! CUPID. But what harm have I done you, Jupiter ? Suppofe I am old and crafty, furely I have given you no reafon for wanting to confine me ? [j>~\ The fon of Titan and Terra, and the father of Prome- theus. Though the Greeks confidered him as the founder of their nation, they did not always think themfelves obliged to fpeak with refpeft of him, but ufcd to call any old fellow, who had outlived his faculties, lapetus. Cupid, according to Hefiod, is the raoft ancient of the Gods. Theog. 120. II, O J U- 2IO DIALOGUES OF LUCIAN. JUPITER. You little villain ! you have given me reafons in abundance. Have not you made a fool of me a thoufand times over ? You have done with me whatever you p leafed. You have me- tamorphofed me into a fatyr, a bull, a mower of gold, a fwan, an eagle, and every thing elfe that is ridiculous. I may well fay ridiculous, for I never had a miftrefs that entertained any real regard for me. All your art in that has proved inefficient. To flratagem and difguife I owe all I can boafl. As a bull or a fwan they may endure me; but Ihould Jupiter declare himfelf openly, they would all be ready to drop down dead with fear. CUPID. No wonder of that. What mortal can bear the afpect of Jove ? JUPITER. How did Branchus and Hyacinthus endure Apollo ? CUPID. Apollo need not brag; for all his fine hair and his fmock face. Daphne ran away from him DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 211 him as fafl as her legs could carry her. But I will tell you what, Jupiter ; if you wifh to^be liked by the women, you mufl not go fhaking that [_q~] ugly fhield of yours ; nor rattling about your frightful thunder. Make yourfelf as pretty a fellow as you can. Do up your hair in the moft elegant tafle. Hang down a curl on each fide of your head. Wear a fine bonnet over your locks. Get a purple coat, and a pair of embroidered flippers. Trip lightly along to the found of the pipe and the timbrel. Do this, and you fhall foon have admirers more in num- ber than the Masnades of Bacchus. JUPITER. Pfhaw ! Do you think, I would purchafe love on any fuch terms ? CUPID. Then you rmift live without love; that is ail. E?l Jupiter's fhieid, or aegis, fo called from being covered with the Ikin of the goat that fuckled him, had on it the figure of a Gorgon's head, with curling feipsnts inftead of hair, fo terrible as to turn all beholders into ftone. O a JU- 212 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. JUPITER. No, not fo neither ; but I can purchafe it at an eafier rate. Go, go, get you gone. APOLLO AND VULCAN. VULCAN. PRAY, Apollo, have you feenMaia's hopeful brat ? He is a mighty fine child, it feems ; fmiles on every body, and promifes fair, they fay, to turn out fomething very extraordinary. APOLLO. A fine child ! do you call him ? He may turn out fomething very extraordinary, I grant you, for in mifchief he is already as old as the oldeft. VULCAN. He cannot have done any mifchief as yet, for he is but juft born. APOLLO. Neptune, whofe trident he has ftolen, I be- lieve, will tell you a different tale. Or, if you 2, enquire DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. enquire of Mars, you will find that his fword has been conjured out of the fcabbard. I need not mention myfelf : he has only robbed me of my bow and arrows. VULCAN. Surely it cannot be ? Why, Sir, he can hard- ly turn himfelf in his cradle. APOLLO. I do not defire you to take my word for it. If he Ihould come your way, you may fatisfy yourfelf. VULCAN. He has done that already. APOLLO. Has he ? and have you all your tools ? Have you loft nothing belonging to your fhop ? VULCAN. No. I have loft nothing. APOLLO. Be fure ? Look again. VULCAN. As I am here, my tongs are gone ! O 3 A P O L- 214 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. APOLLO. You may chance to find them in the baby- cloaths. That is the likelieft place. VULCAN. How nimble-fingered he is ! Why, Sir, he muft have ftudied thieving in his mother's womb ! APOLLO. And his tongue is not lefs nimble than his fingers ; fo that he thinks of being engaged in the fervice of Apollo. Yefterday he challenged Cupid to wreflle a fall with him, and tripped up his heels in the twinkling of an eye. While Venus was careffing him for it, he took the op- portunity to rob her of her ceflus. And while Jupiter was laughing and enjoying the jefl, he made free with his royal fceptre ; and, if the thunderbolt had not been fomewhat of the heavieft, as well as too hot to hold, he would have carried off that too. VULCAN. A forward child ! I muft needs confefs. APOLLO. Then he is a dab in mufick too.* VUL- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 215 VULCAN. How does that appear ? APOLLO. From a very fine inftrument, which he made of a dead tortoife that he happened to find. He made handles and fitted a neck to it, which he furnifhed with pegs. He made the bridge. He put feven firings to it. With this [V] in- flrument he makes fuch elegant, fuch exqui- fite mufick, that even I, an old, an experi- enced harper, cannot but envy him. Befides, you muft know, that his mother fays, he can- not bear to be in heaven at night, his curio- fity carrying him down to hell, for the greater conveniency of pilfering. He is furnifhed with wings for expedition, and has contrived for [r] The moft ancient lyres were made of the fhell of a tor- toife; which, as an amphibious creature, maybe called in- differently pifcis or fera. Without taking this into confide- ration, it is not eafy to undeiiland feveral paflages in the ancient poets. See Spence's Polymetis, p. 107. Statius i.j^ Hor. iv. 3. c. The lyre of Polyphemus, as Lucian informs us in the dialogue between Doris and Galatea, was made of the Ikull of a flag. Allan Ramfay mentions a fiddle con- ftrudted from the " harn-pan of au umquhile meer." O 4 himfelf 2i 6 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. himfelf a very extraordinary [j] rod, with which he drives about the poor ghofls, and manages the dead juft as he pleafes. VULCAN. [/] I gave him the rod for a play-thing. APOLLO. And he has rewarded your generofity : wit- nefs the Tongs. VULCAN. Well remembered ! I will go and fearch the cradle for them. VULCAN AND JUPITER. VULCAN. WELL, Jupiter, what is to be done now ? I am come, as you ordered me, with an ax fharp enough, if you Ihould have occafion to cleave a ftone in two. [ s] See Korr. Od. 5. 47. tranflated by Virgil. JEn. 4. 242. [/] According vo Servius, Apollo had this rod before Mer- cury, which ' e gave to the latter, in exchange for a lyre* See fceivius on ^Eneid 4. 342. JU- LiALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 217 JUPITER. You have done right. Down with it, and cleave my head in two. V U L C A N, Do you take me to be out of my fenfes ? Do, pray, Jupiter, in good earneft tell me what it is you would have me to do. JUPITER. I do tell you, that I want you to lay open my ikull. Perhaps you may choofe to refufe me this favour : if you do, you may chance to re- member it. Come, Sir, do your bufinefs im- mediately, and with a hearty good-will. Strike home, I tell you. What I feel in my brain is enough to diftradt a body. VULCAN. Yes ; but let us beware of doing more harm than good. The ax is extremely fharp, and you will not find it a very delicate midwife. J U P I D E R. Do not you trouble your head about that. Leave the confequence to me. Strike, I tell you. V U L- 2l8 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N- VULCAN. Nay, for that matter, there is no refufing you ; if I muft, I muft. Heyday ! as I am here, a young lady in armour ! Indeed, indeed, Sir, your head might very well] ach, and you Kad fome pretence to be out of humour with this terrifick wench preying on your pia mater I Your fhoulders had a camp rather than a head to fnpport. O rare ! Ihe dances the Pyrrhick dance ! She is infpired, to be fure ! Only mind Bow ihe tofles about her fhield, and brandifhes her fpear. What is moft extraordinary, Ihe is already a full-grown beauty. How her helmet fets off her blue eyes ! As I have been your midwife, I hope, Jupiter, you will give me the maid for my pains. JUPITER. For my part, I affure you, that I fhould have no manner of obje&ion ; but fhe is refolved on perpetual virginity, and it cannot poffi- bly be. VULCAN. Let m.e but have your confent, and leave the reft to me. I warrant you, I fhall have her. DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 2 1 9 J U P I T E R. You have my leave to catch her if you can. But I know it to be a thing impracticable. NEPTUNE AND MERCURY. NEPTUNE. M E R C U R Y, may a body fpeak with Jupiter ? MERCURY. By no means, Neptune. NEPTUNE. However, you may tell him of my being here furely ? < MERCURY. But indeed I may not, and I defire you not to be troublefome. He is not at leifure and you cannot fee him at prefent. It is not convenient. NEPTUNE. |s he with Juno ? ME R. 220 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. MERCURY. No ; he has an engagement of quite another kind. NEPTUNE. Ganymede ? MERCURY. No, no ; he is not well. NEPTUNE. Not well ! how fo ? you aftonifh me. MERCURY. I am almoft afharned to fay it ; but fo it i$. NEPTUNE. Nay, furely you may tell me your uncle ? MERCURY. My uncle then muft know, that at prefent Jupiter is in the flraw. He lies- in. NEPTUNE. Pifti ! how came he with child ? I defire to know who is the father. What ! has he been all the while an Hermaphrodite, without our knowing any thing of the matter ? He did 'not difcover DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 221 difcover any fymptom, I think, of growing bigger than ufual in the waift ? MERCURY. No : that was not the place. NEPTUNE. Oh ! now I underftand. His head has had another delivery. Upon my word, that fame pate of Jove's is very prolifick. MERCURY. Yes, his head produced Minerva; but he was taken in labour this time in his thigh, in which he had depofited the babe of Semele. NEPTUNE. O rare ! there is no barren foil about Jupiter! But, I pray you, who is Semele ? MERCURY. Semele was a Theban, one of the daugh- ters of Cadmus, and with child by Jupiter. NEPTUNE. One might have expected her to bring forth, 1 think, rather than him. M E R- 222 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA K. MERCURY. However flrange and unaccountable the mat- ter may appear to you, it is as I tell you. You are no ftranger to Juno's jealoufy of him ; and {he is as fly as flie is jealous. She prevailed upon poor fimple Semele to requeft of her gal- lant, that he would vifit her in all his pomp and parade of thunder and lightning Jupiter re- luctantly confented, and agreed to go to her like himfelf. But behold 1 in a moment the houfe was on fire, and the poor woman perifhed in the flames. As flie was feven months gone, Jupiter ordered me to cut her open, and bring the child to him. Which I had no fooner done, than he put the embryo into a hole in his thigh, which he had made for that pur- pofe, and where it continued its proper time. It is now the third month fmce that was done, and he has been juft brought to bed, and is as well as can be expected. NEPTUNE. And where is the child ? M E R- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. MERCURY. 22 3 I have taken him to the Nymphs of Nyfa, who are to bring him up. His name is Bacchus. NEPTUNE. So he has father and mother both in one ! MERCURY. Yes. But fare you well. Till Jupiter gets up again, I muft be nurfe, and fee that he wants nothing. JUPITER AND THE SUN, JUPITER. YO U worft of the Titans, what a piece of work have you made ! You have de- ilroyed every thing upon earth. You have given up your chariot to the guidance of a foolilh boy, and the confequence has been fuch as you might very naturally have expected. He has burnt up every thing on earth, and every where elfe all nature is llarved with cold. In 224 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. In fliort, this hopeful charioteer of yours has thrown the whole fyftem into confufion ; which if I had not obferved in time, and let fly a thunderbolt at his head, which knocked him. down, I dare fay, he would have made an end of mankind, and not left one remaining. SUN. I acknowledge, Jupiter, that I have done wrong. But, pray do not be fo very angry. I was not prevailed upon till after much in- treaty ; and then it was to pleafe my own dear boy. And, befides, how was it poffible for me to dream of fuch terrible confequ,ences. JUPITER. So then you did not know what a hopeful bufinefs you fet him upon ! You, to be fure, were ignorant, that the fmalleft deviation from the ufual track was nothing lefs than utter dc- ilrudtion ! Could you be fo much unacquainted with the difficulty of managing fuch fpirited deeds, and what a tight rein they require ? You know very well, that, if you give them their heads, though but for a moment, thero is no fuch thing as recovering the command of DIALOGUES OF L U C I~7V.N of them. A plain proof of which is, that the poor unfortunate lad has been dragged by them all manner of ways, to the left, and to the right, backwards and forwards, upwards and downwards ; meanwhile he was unable to do any one individual thing to help himfelf. SUN. I knew it all full well, and very loth I was to give up the point. But he, made fuch a fniveling, fuch a begging and praying, with his mother Clymene to fecond him, that I found it a thing impoffible not to comply. At laft, when I could not hold out any longer, I con- fented to his mounting my chariot, not with- out many admonitions and a great deal of good advice. I allured him of the neceffity of keep- ing himfelf firmly fixed in his feat. I told him how far, in going up hill, he might let the horfes have their Heads. I then directed him the way downwards, and charged him to keep a tight rein, and curb their impetuofity to the utmoft of his power. I pointed out to him the great danger of going the leaft wrong. The boy (and truly one could expert no lefs) was fio fooner feated, than he was frightened out VOL. II, P of 226 DIALOGUES OF LUCTAN. of his fenfes at feeing himfelf ride with fuch a fire, and beholding fuch an immenfe fpace be- low him. The horfes, prefently learning to dpfpife their new driver, flew headlong out of the road ; and then followed all the mifchief. He immediately let go the reins, and, in order to fave himfelf from falling, feized fafl hold with both his hands on the j] round of the chariot. Alas ! he has met with the punifh- ment of his ralhnefs; and I am furc, Jupi- ter, I have had vexation enough about it ! JUPITER. Do you think then his punifliment has been half enough ? However, I am contented for the prefent to overlook what is paft. Only let me advife you to beware of a fimilar offence. If ever you prefume hereafter to employ fuch another deputy to do your bufinefs, a thunder- bolt fhall very foon make you fenfible of the difference between your fire and mine. As to the boy, let his fitters take and bury him where he fell, on the banks of the Po. Their tears [*] av1v|, to which the reins were occafionally fattened. See Horn. Jl. v. 262. Phaeton's conduit was juft of a piece with his, who lays hold of the mane of a run-away horfe. fhali DIALOGUES OP LUClAtf. 227 mall be turned into amber, and themfelves into poplar trees. Do you take care and get yonf chariot repaired (I underftand the pole is broken, and one of the wheels damaged) ; and put to your horfes, and go on with your bulineft as ufual. Mind what I fay to you. OF SACRIFICES. IF any man of tolerable fenfe were to take into his confederation the facrifices, the f calls, the proceffions made to the Gods by his filly brethren ; what they pray for, what they wifh for, and what fentiments they entertain concerning their feveral deities ; he mud be in a very grave humour indeed, if he did not fmile at fuch monflrous abfurdity. But truly, be- fore he indulge himfelf in his mirth, it may well become him honeftly to enquire whether fuch a kind of devotion deferves the name of piety, or whether fuch wretched votaries are not in reality at enmity with the gods, whom they thus reprefent in fo mean and beggarly a light as to {land in need of human aid, to be P 2, tickled 228 OF SACRIFICES. tickled with flattery, and piqued at being neg lefted. All the misfortunes of ^Etolia, the dif- trefTes of Calydonia, the wafting away of [/} Meleager, and many other murders, were all owing, it feems, to the anger of Minerva, who, being forgotten in the facrifices of Oeneus, found herfelf grievoufly affronted. So terribly ihe took it to heart, that I imagine I fee her this moment folitarily moping in heaven, while every body elfe is gone to enjoy a good din- ner ! How Ihe frets, when Ihe thinks of it ! On the other hand, fuppofing Jupiter to have [/] Me'eager was the fern of Oeneus and Althaea. Oeneus was king of Calydonia. When Meleager was newly born, hii mother heard the Fates, who fate by the Fire, fay the child fliould live till that billet, which one of them held in her hand, was confumed. Upon which they departed, and prefently the mother extinguiflied the flick, and laid it carefully up. When he was grown, his father, facrificing to the Gods after harveir, forgot Diana, who thereupon fent a prodigious boar to deftroy his lands ; which the young man feeing, got fome aififtance, killed him, and prefented his head to Ata- lanta, the daughter of Jafeus, king of the Argives, who had given the boar the firfl wound. His uncles by the mo- ther's fide were fo angry at this, that they wanted to take away the head from the princefs ; which he oppofing, flew them, and married her. His mother on this flew into a paf- fion, and burned the billet ; and at the fame time Meleager died. See Ovid, Met. viii. 270. any OF SACRIFICES. 22p any gratitude for favours received, how happy may the Ethiopians be fuppofed to be, who, as Homer informs us in the firfl book of his Iliad, feafted the God and all his friends for twelve whole days together ! Thofe deities, it fccms, are prudent dealers, and part with no- thing without a valuable consideration : if men want any thing good, they muft even be con- tented to pay for it. Health, for example, may be purchafed for_a heifer; riches for four bulls, a kingdom for a hundred, a fafe return from Troy to [] Pylos for nine, a fair wind from Aulis for a virgin princefs. Hecuba gave [#] Minerva a dozen cattle, and a veil for her vote and intereft to defer the taking of Troy. Things of lefs confequence, as it is but fair, are fold at a lefs rate, and given in exchange for a cock, or a garland, or a fnuff of incenfe. Old Chryfes, the prieft, having fludied divinity, knew all this very well. When he returned from Agamemnon, without having been able to effecl: his defign, " Apollo," fays he, " I muft needs fay, that I think you have fome flight obligations to me, which it would very [] Not fo cheap, according to Homer, who makes the frcrifice to Neptune nine times nine. Od. iii. 7. [x] Horn. II. vi. 274. P 3 well OF SACRIFICES. well become you to repay. Your Temple might have remained without a chaplet to this hour, if I had not bellowed that honour upon it, which, you know very well, I have done re- peatedly over and over again. Recoiled: your- felf a little. How many fat thighs of bulls and goats do you think 1 have roailed on your al- tars ? And are all my fer vices to pafs for no- thing? And does Apollo totally difregard fo good a friend as I have been to him ?" Upon this fpeech Apollo grew fo heartily afhamed of himfelf, that he inftantly fnatched up his bow and arrows, and polling himfelf on an eminence near the harbours, he thence fcattered peflilence and death amongft the poor Greeks, who periihed in heaps, together with their dogs and mules. Since Apollo is come in my way, I Ihall take occafion to mention fome other par- ticulars, which are told of him by learned men. J do not mean to infill on his having been un- fortunate in his amours, the haughty difdain of Daphne, or the death of Hyacinthus. I lhall juft mention his being fentenced, for the mur dcr of the Cyclops, to be banimed from Heaven, in confequence of which oftracifm he was glad {Q put up with the lot of mortality upon earth. OF SACRIFICES. 23! earth. In Theffaly he had but homely fare, being retained as a hired fervant by Admetus ; as he was in Phrygia by Laomedon. When he lived with the latter, Neptune was there alfo in the lame capacity. They were both of them very glad to be employed as Bricklayers labourers ; but had the misfortune to be bilked by their mailer of a very considerable part of their wages, to the amount, as I have been told, of above thirty Trojan drachmas. And yet how pompoufly the poets always talk of the Gods. In what magnificent flrains do they defcribe the characters of Vulcan, and Prometheus, and Sa- turn, and Rhea, and indeed Jupiter's whole family ! Having fir ft of all invoked the aitl of the Mufes, and feeling the divine inflation, they (traightway fing, as they fliould do, how Saturn, having made an eunuch of his father Coelus, reigned in his ftead ; and how he afterwards eat up his own children, like the Argive Thy- eftes ; how Jupiter, by the cunning of Rhea, who contrived to wrap up a flone in his place, efcaped being fwallowed, and was expofed in Crete, where he was nurfed by a goat, as Te- lephus was by a doe, and Cyrus of old by a bitch ; how he dethroned and imprifoned h r s P 4 father, 232 OF SACRIFICES, father, and then fet up for himfelf ; how he married a vaft number of wives ; and laft of all Juno his lifter, according to the licence of the Eaftern cufloms ; that, being quite diflblute and abandoned in his amours, he foon filled all heaven with the fruits of them ; fome of which indeed might be very well entitled to that ho- nour, but many others were mere baftards, be- gotten on mortality ; how my gentleman, to carry on his intrigues, affumed a greater variety of fhapes than even Proteus himfelf, fometimes condefcending to become yellow gold, fome- times a white fwan, fometimes a bull, fome- times an eagle ; that he had one child begotten, conceived, and born of his brain ; how he fnatched another out of his mother's womb, when flie was about half gone, the houfe being on fire, and herfelf periming in the flames ; that he deposited the babe in a hole in his thigh, where it throve very well, and of which he was delivered at the proper time, and with the ufual pains of child-birth. They report things not lefs ftrange concerning Juno, who, as they fay, was got with child by a breeze of wind ; by which curious commerce alone Ihe was enabled to bring forth Vulcan. Vulcan is OF SACRIFICES. 233 jiot the moft lovely babe in the world, being nothing better than a poor mechanick, a dirty tinker, a mere [y] fire-ftone, envelloped in fmoke, and burnt black with the fire of his own fhop; over which he conftantly ftands, and of courfe is all over foot and cinders. He had a moft terrible fall given him by Jupiter, who took and tofled him headlong out of Heaven ; which makes him fo -lame. Indeed, if the Lemnians had not very good-naturedly interfered and broken his fall, it had been all over with him, and Vulcan had been as effec- tually knocked down dead [z] as Aflyanax. But this is all nothing. Every body knows how Prometheus was ferved merely for his extraor- dinary affection for mankind. Jupiter took him into Scythia, and crucified him, in a manner, [y"] Huft\w> a pyrite, a fireftore. Graevius can by no means conceive any propriety in this, and therefore finds fault with the tranfcribers for corrupting the text. As if a black- fmith might not be called a pyrite by the fame figure of fpeech which allows a dull commentator to be called a log ! [z] Aftyanax was the fon of He&or. After the deftru&ion of Troy Ulyfles threw him headlong from the top of a tower, that no one man might be left to revenge the caufe of his country. upon 234 OF SACRIFICES. upon Mount Caucafus, where he was bound faft for the purpofe of having his liver eaten up every day of his life by an eagle. Such was the revenge which he took on Prometheus. As to Rhea (I fuppofe a body may fpeak) I really wonder ihe is not afhamed of herfelf. Such an old worn-out Harridan as fhe, the mother of fo many Gods, to be hankering after young fellows at her time of life ! She conflantly ac- companies her Attis in her chariot drawn by Lions, not willing to trull him out of her fight, though he be no longer an object of jealoufy. And after this who can blame Venus for her in- trigues with flcfh and blood ? Or, who can find fault with Dame Luna, if fhe now and then defcends from her Orb, to viiit her dear Endy- mion ? But it is time to have done with fuch talk as this. I^t us mount up to Heaven with Komer and Hefiod, and fee what is to be feen there. The outfide is of brafs. So faid Homer long ago. Going higher, if you bend back your head, or rather lie down with your face upwards, the light appears fo much the brighter, the fun becomes more refulgent, the ftars more iliftincl:, the whole firmament is glittering gold, the univerfe a blaze of day. The Hours, who i live OF SACRIFICES. 235 live at the entrance, are the porters ; next to them are Iris and Mercury, fervants and mef- fengers of Jupiter ; next comes Vulcan's ftiop, furnifhed with all manner of tools ; then the ha- bitations of the Gods, and the palace of Jove fupreme. So far all is prodigioufly fine, being the workmanlhip of Vulcan [V], The deities, feated by Jupiter (here would it well become me to exalt my flyle) hang down their heads, caft their eyes upon earth, and keenly dart their glances round, if haply they can any where efpy a fire kindled to convey the afcend- ing volumes of well-feafoned fmoke. If they find any body offering facrifice, they fall to work immediately with open mouth, feafling greedily on the fume. If blood is ipilt upon their altars, they are as bufy, fucking it up, as fo many flies. If they fup at home, neo. II. iv. 4. excluding 236 OF SACRIFICES. excluding every body elfe from fuch great company. Such is the life of the Cceleftials ; which men have been contented to follow at humble diftance. Thefe latter have confecrated groves, and mountains, and birds. To each divinity has been affigned his own particular tree. The Gods are divided into nations, and their votaries are enrolled accordingly. Apollo is the God of Delos and Delphi. Athens ac- knowledges Minerva, as is denoted by the name []. Argi has Juno, and Mygdon Rhea, and Paphos Venus. The Cretans not only in- fill upon it, that Jupiter was born and brought up in their iiland, but they go fo far as to Ihew his grave. And we had all the while been grofsly impofed on, in taking it for granted, that Jupiter rained, and thundered, and per- formed many other notable exploits; never once imagining, that the honeft fellow had been a long time dead and buried in Crete ! That the Gods may not be without houfe and home, temples are built. Meanwhile Praxi- teles, or Phidias, is employed in taking a likenefs. Where thefe ingenious artiils ever faw any of their originals, I cannot fay ; but [] AGma, Minerva; AO^sci, Athens. they OF SACRIFICES. 237 they always take care to reprefent Jupiter with a beard, Apollo ever young, Mercury juft ar- rived at manhood, Neptune with dark hair, and Minerva with blue eyes. When you enter the temple, you are not left to fuppofe, that what you behold there is ivory, brought from India, or gold dug out of the mines of Thrace, but the true identical fon of Saturn and Rhea ; Phi- dias having been pleafed to bring him down with him from Heaven, and given him orders to refide on earth, where he is to fuperintend the dreary (Y] Pifa, and to reft himfelf con- tented with an occafional offering once in five years. After erecting altars, preparing incan- tations, and getting ready the [d~] fprinkiing [c] A diftrid of Elis, in Peloponnefus, to which belonged the city Olympia and the river Alpheus, famous by the Olym- pick games and the temple of Jupiter Olympius. [in and his companions and carried them into his cave, where he eat up a couple of them. Ulyfles after- ward?, having contrived to make him drunk, took the advan- tage of his being afleep, and bored out his eye, his only eye, with a firebrand. See Horn. Od. 9. Virg. Ma. 3. bufinefs> OF SACRIFICES. 239 bufinefs. With all the pious care imaginable he cuts up the animal, tears out the entrails, pulls out the heart, and fprinkles the blood upon the altar. Laft of all, lighting his fire, he takes the Iheep or goat, and broils it in the fkin or wool, all together. The facred fume, Ib worthy of the God, afcends on high, and is gradually difperfed all over heaven. Amongft the Scythians fuch pitiful victims are held in contempt, and they offer men in facrificc, be- ing well perfuaded, that nothing Icfs confide- rable will appeafe their patronefs Diana. So far all is moderate, and much of a piece with what is^ tranfafted in Aflyria, in Phrygia, and Lydia. But, if ever you fhould travel as far as ./Egypt, there indeed you may fee fomething to claim your reverence, fomething more than, common. Jupiter there has the head of a ram, Mercury looks for all the world like a dog, and Pan is neither more nor lets than a goat. There too are to be feen the Ibis, the Crocodile, and the Ape. [f] Then, if thou be refolved on know- ing all, [/] Horn. I', vk 150. and II, xxi. 487. a thou. 240 OF SACRIFICES. a thoufand fophifts and fcribes, and bald-pated prophets will tell you, after the preface of " Hence, hence, ye profane !" that, dreading the infurredtion of the Giants and other ene- mies, the Gods took fanctuary in ^Egypt^ where, in order to be more fecure from the danger of being difcovered, one of them af* fumed the fhape of a goat, another that of a ram, this became a beafl, and that a bird, as every one's fears and fancy inclined him. For this reafon it is, that thefe feveral forms are continued to this day, being carefully depofited in the facred recefles of their temples, as they were defcribed in Hieroglyphicks [g] ten thou- fand years ago. There is hardly any thing parti- cular in an ^Egyptian facrifice, except their forrow for the vidtim. They fland round it as it ex* pires, and beat their breafts with every token of concern. Sometimes it is buried immedi- ately after be.ng killed. Their principal God is Apis. When he happens to die, the pub- lick grief is without all bounds. On fo me- lancholy an occafion who can fet any value on the hair of his head ? Though a man had the [g] The mgdern Chinefe go far beyond the ancient ^Egyp- tians in their pretences to Antiquity. See Voltaire and others. purple DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 24! urple lock of \Ji] Nifus, he would fhew it no mercy, but cut it immediately off, and expofe his bald head filled with affli&ion. The moft beautiful and moft refpedtable beaft in the herd is feledled with all diligence, and appoint- 'ed to fucceed the deceafed God. All this, which is the general belief and practice, is too abfurd for cenfure ; though Democritus could not but laugh at the folly, while Heraclitus muft weep for the ignorance of mankind. {] Nifus, king of the Megarenfians, had a purple lock, on the prefervation of which depended that of his kingdom. Not- withitanding which, Scylla his daughter, being in love with his enemy Minos, cut it off, and gave it to him. Nifus died with grief, and was changed into a hawk, as (he was into a lark. Hence, they fay, arifes the enmity between thefe birds. Ovid, Met. vim VOL. II. Q THE 242 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. THE SHIP; or, THE WISHES. LYCINUS, TIMOLAUS, SAMIPPUS> and ADIMANTUS. LYCINUS. I KNEW very well how it would be. A favoury carcafe lying in the open air would fconer efcape the eye of a vulture, than any flrange fight could fail of the obfervation of Timolaus ! Why, Sir, you are fo very curious, that, were there any thing new, though as far diftant as Corinth, you would run thither to fee it without once drawing breath f TIMOLAUS. What would you have had me to do, Lyci- nus ? I had heard of, this immenfe veflel being arrived at [/] Piraeeus, at a time when I hacf nothing elfe to engage my attention. It is one of the vefTels employed in bringing corn out of /Egypt into Italy, and an extraordinary one it [<] A port of Athens, is. D I A L OGUES OF LUCIA N. 243 is. I dare fay, the only errand you and he had but of the city was to fee it. L Y C I N U S. You do not guefs much amifs. Adimantus alfo of [/] Myrrhinus came with U3j but we have loft him fomewhere in the crowd, and I cannot imagine what is become of him. We all came together to the ftiip, and went aboard together ; firft you, Samippus, then Adimantus, and then I, having faft hold of him with both my hands. As I had fhoes on, and he had none, he handed me up the fteps, and from that mo- ment to this I have never been able to fet eyes on him, neither aboard the ftiip, nor any where elfe. SAMIPPUS. i If you recoiled:, we loft him immediately after that handfome young fellow came out of his cabbin. You remember the young man with the fine linen, who had his hair tied behind, and made to lie back from each fide of his forehead. If I know any thing of Adimantus, I prefume he had his reafons for giving the flip J] A town of Attica. 2] gofling ! Oppolite to which, riling in due proportion, ftands the prow, {hewing on each fide the Goddefs His, the {hip's namefake. The paintings, the red flag, the anchors, the windlals, the contrivances for turning round, the (towage, the cabbins, all the decorations are truly admirable ! And then what an army of Mariners ! Her cargo of corn was faid to be enough to feed all Attica for a twelvemonth ; (] rigolovi were cords, which, paffing through a pulley at the top or the maft, were tied on one fide to the prow, on the other to the flern, to keep the mail fixed and immovable. SchefTer. [0] The vfviAtet, or flern, was of a figure more inclining to round than the prow, the extremity of which was (harp, that it might cut the waters ; it was alfo built higher than the prow, and was the place where the pilot fate to fleer. Scheffer, [/>] Xtiv L Y C I N U S. No ; but I mould be very glad to hear, T I M O L A U S. I had it from the honeft pilot himfelf, who is very communicative. He told me they failed from Pharos with a moderate gale, and within, feven days were in fight of Acamas ; then, a weft wind coming full in their teeth, they tacked and came to Sidon. Ten days after, having paffed by [x*i Potter's Antiquities-. god DIALOGUES OP LUCIA K, 259 god of Gain, be propitious ! Let me have the fhip with all her cargo 1 The merchandize, the paflengers, the women, the failors, and every thing elfe, if any thing elfe remain that is defir- able, I wifh all to be mine ! SAMIPPUS. Do not forget your be,ing on boarcU ADIMANTUS. 1 fuppofe you mean to put me in mind of the boy. Well, let me have him too ! and let all the wheat be turned into gold, a * claricJc fqr every grain { I Y C I N V & You do not want to fink your veflel, I hope Surely you do not conlider what a difference there is in the weight between wheat and gold* A P I M A N T U S, Do not you be fo envious, L.ycinus. When }t comes to your turn, you fliall wifh for Mount Qy] Fames in folid gold, if you like it, with- out a word from me* * A darick was worth about e-'ght fluHingr* |^y) A mountain of Attica, famous for its vineyards. Par, ^e benignus ritibus. Statii Theb. 13. 6aQ. R * L - . DIALOGUES OP LUCIA N. L Y C I N U S. Nay, Adimantus, do not be angry : I meant nothing more than to provide for the fafety of the fhip and crew, which, I was afraid, might be carried to the bottom by fuch a pro- digious weight of metal. Not perhaps that you are in fo much danger. But that lovely youth he cannot fwim. T I M O L A U S. Give yourfelf no vmealinefs on that account Lycinus. The Dolphins will take care of him, end carry him fafe to land. They faved a [z~\ harper, you know, for an old fong. Ano- ther \A\ Mofes du Soul lays, this is meant of Amphipn. It \% ftrauge how very ignorant in little things great men often are! The raoft profound of all modern Philologies is of opinion, that fait is apt to melt iu hot weather. See a late annotator on Shakefpeare's King Lear, A61 IV. Scene 8. De Arion confule Plinium Pift. Nat. 9, 8. cujus teftimonio omnes antiqui confentiunt. Nee diverfa canit Robertas Lloyd j The failors, people not r:nown*d Fox rice intelligence of found, Chuck'd poor Arion fairly o'er To fwim at leait nine leagues to flioie Dowa DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N". ther [#] young man was very civilly conveyed by them after his death to the Iflhmus of Co- rinth. And would there be no fond fifh, do you think, to take under his protection the new domeflick of Adimantus ? A D I M A N T U S. I fee, Timolaus, you are determined to out- do Lycinus in raillery on this occafion, though you vourfelf fo ferioufly introduced the fubjeft. TIMOLAUS. Would it not have been better to order mat- ters fo, that the treafure might have been found under your bed; which would have faved you the trouble of getting your gold out of the fhip, and aftewards having it to carry into the city ? Down fiddle went, and fiddler pifli 1 He got a horfeback on a fifh ! Mr. Lloyd confined in the Fleet to Mr. R. confined in the Goat. The epiftle thus begins : There is a magick in fweet (bunds, Which calls forth every thing but pounds. [a] Mcliccrta. See Ovid's Met. iv. R ADI- 162 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA Ni ADiMANTUS; You are right, perfectly right, Timolaus. So" let there be a thoufand bulhels of gold coin dug up from under the ftatue of Mercury ^ which flands in the ] area. Firft of all, as old [c~] Hefiod advifes, let me think of my houfe ; which, I am refolved, fhall be mofi fumptuous. Whatever is about the city Ihall be immediately mine ; all belonging to the [d~\ Iflhmus, to Delphi, and Eleufis. I muft have all the feacoaft ; and fome part of the [J] Iflh- mus, for an occalional refidence during the ce- lebration of the games-. The plains of Sicyon* whatever is well wooded and watered, what- ever is fertile in Greece, let all be inftantly [] Where his bed taisi Ledus genialis in aula. JEp. Hor. i. i. 87* ff] Oixov (xiv and not have your meat and drink of gold ; left you fhould fall a vidtim to your own defires, and be ftarved with hunger in the midft of f6 much wealth. R 4 ADI- 264 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. A D I M A N T U S. Be fo good, Sir, as to referve your flock of prudence for your own ufe, and let me wifh as I like beft. My cloaths fhall be of purple, my eating the moft elegant, my fleep mod fweet. My friends fliall approach me with the ntmoft refpe whenever it fhall fo feem meet, I will rife lower- ing, like the fun in a cloud, not fo much as condefcending to let them look in my face. In the mean time, if a poor man (fuch as I ouce [#] See Pliny's Nat. Hid. xi. 16. was DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 265 was myfelf) fhould meet my obfervation I will tteat him with the utmoft politenefs, and in- vite him to dine with me. How do you ima* gine thofe fellows, who now think themfelves rich, will feel themfelves, when they fee my chariots, my horfes, my fwarms of beautiful at- tendants ; all in the flower of their age ? Do- not you think, they will die of envy ? My din* ners Ihall be all ferved in gold : Silver is by no means becoming a man of my rank. I will have my faltmeat and Oil from Iberia, mr wine from Italy. My honey fhall not be fmoaked : I will have my provifions, my boars, my hares, my birds from all parts of the world, fowls from Phafis, peacocks from India, cocks from Numidia* All my caterers and cook* fhall be the greateft adepts in their art* When I drink, whoever pledges me lhall carry off cup and all* Thofe who are now efleemed rich fhall be no more than beggars in comparifon of me. Dionicus, I fancy, when he fees my very domefticks rolling in lilver, will hardly be fo proud of mewing his cup and his little difli. The city lhall be honoured with the following t> privileges ; to every citizen each month, I will difoibute 266 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. diftribut'e a [_g] hundred drachmas, and fifty to every inmate.I will fpare no expence in publick buildings : the theatres and baths fliall be adorn- ed with exquifite art. I intend to bring the fea 1 to Dipylon, and to have a harbour fomewhere thereabouts ; to effect which I mufl firft have a monftrous great ditch made to convey the Water. My fhip may then come up fo near, as to be very plainly feen from the Ceramicus* I mail not forget to be liberal to my friends* To Samippus, for inilance, I have ordered my fteward to meafure out twenty bumels of gold ready coined, to Timolaus [y&] five pints; to Lycinus one, and that barely meafure, becaufe foriboth he cannot keep his tongue within his teeth, but muft be making game of my wifh. This is the life I propofe to lead, being rich beyond meafure, wallowing in luxury, and en- joying every pleafure to the utmoft. I have no [/] Three pounds four {hillings and feven-pence. fal X om > ^ ere tranflated a pint, is equal to one pint, 15,7 inches. It was the ufual allowance of victuals and drijikj which a Grecian Houfekeeper allowed each of his fervanre ibr a day, more DIALOGUES OF LUCIA tf. 267 more to fay, nor any more to afk of Mercury, of whom, I only beg, that he will be punc- tual. L Y C I N U S, You are not to learn on what a flender fecu- rity your wealth depends. It nangs'by a little, little thread; and, when that breaks, all is .gone. A D I M A N T U S. What do you fay ? L Y C I N U S. I fay, my good Sir, that nothing can be more uncertain than the duration of your riches. Suppofe yourfelf jufl fitting down to your gol- den table; before you can extend your arm, before you can tafte your peacock, or touch your Numidian fowl, you may chance to breathe your lafl, and leave your fine dinner for the crow's and vultures. It would not be a Singular cafe ; for I can produce feveral in- ftanees, if you have any mind to hear me, of perfons dying in circumflances exactly iimilar, while others have lived to fee themfelves Gripped of all they pofleifed by fome envious dernoa 68 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. demon or other. The fuddcn fall of Croefu* * i and Polycrates, men much richer than you, and of which you muft have often heard, arc . cafes in point. But, not to iniift on this, were I to allow that your riches may laft, how are you fure that your health will continue, with- out which you can have no fatisfadtion in any* thing ? You fee many of the rich living in torment : fome have loft the ufe of their limbs, and are unable to walk : Some are blind, and others complain of mteftine diforders. I know very well, without afking you, that you would foot wifh. to be fuch a fop as Phanomachus, though you were to be mailer of twice a$ much. I need not trouble you with a [/'] re- petition of the plots, the thefts, the envy, the odium, which are the conftant companions of wealth. Only coniider what a deal of trouble you are like to have* } The reader, who feels himfelf difgufted with the repe- tition of ftale remarks, is not to lay them at the door of the traoflator, who has a Sufficient number of his own offence* tw anfwer for. ADI- D I A L O G U E S t) F L V C I A N. 269 A D I M A N T U S. You are always againlt me. I tell you what, JLycinus, at the rate you go on, you may chance to come ihort of the pint of money, which I promifed to give you. L Y C I N U S. Then you will a&juft like the reft of your wealthy brethren, in going back from your word, and not regarding what you fay. But it is your turn now, Samippus. S A M I P P U S. I am an Arcadian, you know, a native of Mantinea, and mufl not be expected to wllh like a man who lives near the coaft. I do not defire a ihip ; for if I had one, I could not have the pleafure of mewing it to my neigh- bours. Nor do I mean to haggle with the Gods in meafuring me out gold and treafure. As every thing is alike eafy to them, and they arc not to refufe us whatever we may alk (for fo Timolaus faid, when he propofec} this wiming, 6 beg- 270 DJALOGUE^OF L 17 C I A N. begging of us not to baulk our fancies), I will even wilh to be a king, I dp not mean fuch an one as Alexander the Ton of Philip, or Ptolemy, or Mithridates, or any other who fucceeded to a, kingdom by right of inheritance. I. wiih t<* advance myfelf by degrees, Firft of all let me have about thirty good fellows, in whom I can confide, to affift me in raifing [i] contri- butions on the publick. I would then have -their number increafed by the acceffion of three hundred more, which may afterwards gradually rife to a thoufand, and, in good time, amount to ten times the number. In fhort, I would have in all about fifty thoufand men with heavy armour, and five thoufand horfe. Being then, appointed to the fupreme power by the free- fuffrages of all, from my fuperior merit in the [z] What the Greeks called Aira, the Latins Latroci" nium, and the Englifh Grand Larceny, was the firft: ftep to- wards being a finifhed hero. See the ancient Hiftonans paffim, Servetur ad imum, Qualis ab incoepto proceflerit. HOR. A good beginning makes a good end. DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 27! arts of negociation and government, that cir-> cumftance, you fee, gives me a great advan- tage over other kings, as my exaltation is owing to my virtue only, and I do not rife to great- nefs merely becaufe I am the infignificant heir of another man's acquifition. That kind of fuc- cefs is much akin to the riches of Adimantus. But there is no authority half fo pleafant ai that which a man is confcious of having put himfelf in pofleffion of. L Y C I N U S. So, Sir, you are determined to run away with all the prime part of the wilhing ! To have the command of fo many armed men, to be the unanimous choice of fifty thoufand people, is in truth no fmall matter. We were igno/ant before, that Mantinea could boafl of having bred fo admirable a king, who is at the fame time fo great a general. Come, Sir, give u% a fpecimen of your power, command your army, fit out your cavalry, marfhal your troops. I long to know what unhappy country, what de- voted people, fo many Arcadian heroes mean firft to invade. S A- 2J2 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N* S A M I P P U S. I will tell you, Lycinus. Or, had you not better go with us yourfelf and fee ? I will give you the command of five thoufand horfe. LYCINUS. I am greatly honoured, Royal Sir, and, after the Perfian manner, can do no lefs than duti- fully to hang down my head, with my hands behind my back, paying all proper deference to your diadem, and not forgetting the ftarch- nefs of your tiara, Howeyer, I muft intreat you to beftow the command of your cavalry on. foine ftouter man. For my part I have very little relifh for the fervice, having never once been on horfeback in all my life. And I ihoulcf be dreadfully afraid, on founding to arms, of tumbling off and being trod under foot in the crowd. My fpirited fteed, champing his bit, might take it into his head to rulh on with me amongft the thickeft of the enemy; in which cafe, I apprehend, unleis I were tied fafl to my faddle, I ihould foon lofe my rein and mjf ieat too, ADI- DIALOGUES OF LtJCIAN. 273 ADIMANTUS. Let him take the command of the right wing; I will lead on tfee cavalry, Samippus. I prefume en your having prefented me with fo many buihels of money, and can hardly bring myfelf to think that you will refufe me aoy thing, SAMIPPUS. I believe, however, there would be no impro- priety in asking them the quefiion, whether they would wilh to be under your command. .All you gentlemen of the cavalry, who wifli to be commanded by Adimantus, hold up your hands ! They are unanimous in their choice of you, you fee. Do you, therefore, Adimantus, take charge of the horfe ; and let Lycinus have the right wing, and Timolaus the left. I my- felf will occupy the centre, according to the manner of the ] Perfian monarchs, when they [J] The kings of Perfia would accept of nothing kfs thao .atftual adoration as a condition of being fpoken to, ./Elian has a ftory of a Theban ambaflador, who, to avoid giving offence, and at the fame time preferve the dignity of the .country he came from, contrived to drop his ring in the VOL. 1L S royal 274 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. condefcend to grant an audience. Let us now advance over the mountains towards Corinth, firfl invoking the aid of Jove, propitious to roy- alty. As foon as we lhall have fubdued all Greece (which we lhall do without being once engaged in fight, fince nobody will think of oppofmg us) we fhall put our horfes into ferry boats proper for the occafion, and go ourfelves on board gallies (there being plenty of corn in [/] Cenchrese, and Ihipping, and every other ne- ceflary provided beforehand) in order to fail over the ^Egasan fea into Ionia. There, after facrificing to Diana, we fhall find no manner of difficulty in taking the unfortified towns, in which we will appoint our governours, and proceed through Caria into Syria. From thence we fhall pafs into Lycia and Pamphilia, and Pi- lidia, and the high and low Cilicia, till at length we arrive at the Euphrates, royal prefence, and in picking It up went through thq preliminary acY of adoration, which confifted in bending the back and hanging down the head. V. H. i. 2|. [1] A town, in the Ifthmus of Corinth. y- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 275 L Y C I N U S. Suppofe, royal Sir, you make me Lord Lieu- tenant of Greece. I am not fond of going ib far from home as you talk of, nor have 1 any great ftomach for fighting. I fuppofe you will march againft the Armenians and Parthians, thofe warlike nations, fo famous for their fkill in aiming the deadly arrow. For which reafbn I fhall be as well fatisfied, if you will affign to fome other my command pf the right wing, and leave me your [m\ Anti pater behind you in Greece. 1 could not be ail over iron and fteel, and, in leading qn your phalanx for you, fome mifchievous arrow or other about Sufa or Badtra would certainly flipot me. SAMIPPUS, You would not be a coward, I hope* Do not you know, Sir, that to quit your poft is a capital offence ? Since we have now got to the river Euphrates, over which we have thrown {;/;] Antipater was the name of one of the Captains of Alexander. S 2 a bridge 276 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. a bridge of boats, taking good care to leave all fecure in our rear, by my prudent appointment of a viceroy over each conquered nation, I have thought fit to difpatch proper perfons to re- duce Phoenicia, Palcftine, and JEgypt. Firft of all, Lycinus, do you pafs the river with the right wing. I will follow, and after me Timo- laus. Adimantus, with the cavalry, fhall bring up the rear.--In marching through Mefopota- mia no enemy has ventured to look us in the face. They have very readily given up both their citadels and themfelves. Advancing to Babylon, we got within the walls, you fee, and take poffeflion of the city before the inhabi- tants are aware of us. The king, who pafles his time chiefly at Ctefiphon, hearing of our invafion, goes to Seleucia, and prepares to re- pulfe us, by raifing all his horfe, and fum- moning immediately his whole body of archers and flingers. We have intelligence from our fpies, that an innumerable army is already afc fembled, eager for battle, two hundred thou- fand of which ufe the javelin on horfeback. We are further informed, that neither the Ar- rnenians, nor thofe about the Cafpian fea, nor the Ba^trians, are vet arrived j but that the 7 whole DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. whole of this amazing force is made up of per fons near the city, and in the king's own neigh- bourhood. So very powerful he is, and fo ready and numerous are his refources. And now, I think, it begins to be time for us to look about us. ADIMANTUS. I think fo too. And I am further of opi* nion, that you of the infantry fhould march direcUy to Ctefiphon, while we, the horfe, flay here to defend Babylon. S A M I P P U S. You do not like to be in the neighbourhood of danger, Adimantus. What do you fay, Timolaus ? T I M O L A U S. I fay, that our bed way will be to go di* fedtly againft the enemy, with all the forces we are able to mufter, and not to wait till they be joined by fuch prodigious numbers as are flocking to them on all fides. Let us fall upon them in their march immediately, before their auxiliaries can get up. S 3 S A. ij DIALOGUES O * LUCIA tf. S A M I P P U S. You fpcak like a fenfible man. What do you think, Lycinus ? L Y C I N U S. I will tell you what I think. I think, as we are all fo tired (we went down in the morning to Piraseus, and have not walked lefs than thirty furlongs on a ftretch), I think, it would not be unadvifable for us to fit down under the fliade of thefe olives on the []infcribed pillar, and reft [] Joannes Matthias Gefnerus, who cannot for his life conceive how four men can fit upon a pillar, while it ftands upright, propofes to alter the original ayayiy^a/x^svr;;, which he neither will nor will not allow to mean infcribed^ to a3/!fa/>i/*f>i5 overturned. A pillar, he believes, when it is~ thrown down, whether it have any infcription upon it or not, may be a very good thing to fit upon ; but, while it ftands upright, is fit for nothing but to be gazed at. But, iuppofing this pillar (pace tanti viri) to be lying nil along, {till retaining the letters with which it had been formerly infcribed, would a feat upon it for that reafon be the lefs eafy ? and what fhould h'inder any perfon acquainted with the con- venience 4t afforded from recollecting the circumftance of its containing an infcription ? Rather would not the contrary be DIALOGUES OF LUCIAN. 279 reft ourfelves awhile out of the fcorching of this meridian fun. When we are recovered a little from beaftrong proof of inattention ? Or was the brain of Gef- nerus intended to be only the repofitory of abftradt ideas ? The mirror of fuch a critick is not fufficiently poliflied to reflec"l a perfect likenefs ; and he forgets, or never knew, that a defcription is a picture which fixes the attention by being complete in all its parts. Si turn eft brevitas, cum tan- tum verborum eft, quantum necefle eft : aliquando id opus eft, fed fzpe obeft vel maxime in narrando, non folum quod obfcuritatem aftert, fed etiam quod earn virtutem, qua* nar- rationis eft maxima, ut jucunda, et ad pcrfuadendum accom- modata fit, tollit. Videant illam. ** Nam is poftquam exceflif ex ephebis Quam longa eft narratio ? mores adolefcentis ipfius, eft fervilis percunclatio, mors Chryfidis* vukus ct forma, et lamentatio fororis, reliqua pervarie, jucundeque narrantur. Quod fi hanc brevitatem quaefiflet. " ESertur, imus, ad fepulchrum venimus, in ignem po- fita" eft decem verlicuJis totum conficere potuiflet : quanquam hoc ipfum, " EfFertur, imus," concifum eft ita, ut hon brevi- tati fervitum fit, fed magis venuftati. Quod fi nihil fuiflet, nifi " in ignem pofua eft," tamen res tota cognofci facile potuiflet : fed et feftivitatem habet narratio diftin], fiatttered. Not a fingle friend to confide in ! every countenance entirely influenced by hope or fear ! Even in a dream you could have no real fatisfaction, nothing more than a mere vifion of pomp, and purple, and gold, with a white fillet tied round your forehead,, and your guards flrutting before you. Your other enjoyments were intolerable fatigue and abundant difguft. AmbafTadors muft be at- tended to, juftice adminiflered, edidts iflued forth. A nation perhaps has revolted ; perhaps your kingdom is invaded. You fear this, fuf- pecl: that. Poffibly to others you may appear happy, but you never can think fo yourfelf, This too is a very provoking circumftance, that you are liable to be lick, juft like an ordinary man. A fever will pay you no refpedt, be- caufe you are a king ; and death will laugh at lifeguards. He conies when he thinks fit; and, unawed by your diadem, drags you weep- [p\ Flattery, in the opinion of Cicero, and many others, is the mod fubtle poifon, the moft certain deltroyer of hu- man haj-p ; nefs. Sic habendum eft, nullatn in amicitia pef- tem effe majorem, quam adulationem. Cicero de Amicitia. Sola quippe adulatio nequicquam vigilantibus fatellibus im- ferium ^eprscdatur, regumque nobiliffimam partem, ani- inaai nimirum, aggreditur. Synefius de Regno. ing i86 DIALOGUES OF JL U C I A K. ing away. Fallen from fuch a height, pulled down from your regal throne, you muft tread in the &me path, and be driven along on a level with the herd of mankind. It is true, you leave behind you a [^} lofty fepulchre, a tali pillar, or a pyramid pompoufly [/} in- icribed, the poflhumous vaunt of pride, which is thus made to continue, when life and fenfe - are loft. But after all that can be done, thofe ifoiues and temples raifed by adoring cities, together xvith the great man's mighty name, focai perifh, aqd are fcon forgotten. And, in- deed, were they to lafl ever fo long, a dead man would hardly find himfelf much the better for them. The life of a king, you fee, is a continued feries of labours, cares, and fears ; and, when once your breath is gone, what are you better than any body elfe ? But it is your turn now, Timolaus ; and I hope you will make a better ufe of the opportunity than your companions have done, by wiihing like a man of fenfe, who knows what he is about, [tfl It was ufual to raife a mount on a great man*s grave. Et regum cineres extru&o monte quiefcuot. Lucan. VIII. [r] tvygotppai Tt*s yuyu*;> will infcribcd in the corners. TI- DIALOGUES OF LUCIAN. 287 T I M O L A U S. You will judge for yourfelf, Lycinus, if I be guilty of any impropriety, fo as to fubjeft my- felf to cenfure. As for gold, and treafures, and bulhels of money, I care not for them. I am not, as you may fuppofe, fo ridiculous as to wilh for kingdoms or wars. I want not to be put in continual fear. I am not ignorant of the uncertainty of fuch poffeffions, which would ex- pofe me to fo much mifchief, and in which there is fo much more of the bitter than the fweet. My wifh is, that my good-natured Mercury would beftow on me a certain num- ber of rings [VJ. One, having the virtue in it to preferve my body invulnerable, not liable to any difeafe, always in full health and ftrength. Another, which, like that of Gyges, may con- ceal the wearer. Another, to give me the force of ten thoufand men, to enable me fingly to lift any weight with greater eafe than they can do all together. Another, to give me the power of flying aloft in the air. Another, to [j] The magical virtue of rings was in great eftimation jwiongil the ancients. lay 288 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. lay aileep any perfon or perfons, whom- foever I pleafe; and to make every bolt and bar give way, and every door fly open at my approach. Laft and beft of all, let me have a mofl delightful ring to make me always lovely in every eye ; that all manner of perfons, without any exception, may be fo fmitten with my charms, as to love me to diflradrion, to be always longing for me, and to talk of me con- tinually. 1 would have the men to go mad, and the women to hang themfelves in defpair. With a kind look let me confer happinefs, let my negkt eniure perdition. In ihort, let me go far beyond whatever has been related of Hyacinthus, of Hylas, or Phaon. All thefe privileges I would enjoy, not merely for the fhort fpace ufually allotted to the life of man. I wiih to live a thoufand years, but my youth never to exceed feventeen, {tripping off old age as a {hake does his fkin. Having thole advan- tages, I could never be in want of any thing. For, as I can open all doors, lay afleep all guards, and enter any where unfeen, whatever belongs to others I can eafily make my own. If there fhould be any fine fight, any valuable pofleflion, DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 289 pofleflion, any thing good to eat or drink, in the Indies, or at the Pole, I ihould not wait till it was brought to me, but would fly in- ftantly to it, and indulge to my heart's content. I Ihould take an opportunity of feeing the Griffin, that winged beaft ; and that Indian bird, equally rare, the Phcenix, which nobody clfe ever faw. I fhould difcover the head of the Nile, which has never been done before, and vifit all the uninhabited parts of this earth ; not forgetting the Antipodes of the other he- mifphere, if any fuch people there are. As for the ftars, and the moon, and even the fun, I could very eafily fcrape acquaintance with them, as the heat would have no effect upon me. What would be a very agreeable thing, I Ihould be able to tell the news of an Olym- pick victory at Babylon, on the very day it was obtained ; and, though I had dined in Sy- ria, I might fup in Italy. If I had a mind to be fecretly revenged on an enemy, I ihould have nothing to do but to let fall a great Hone, and beat out his brains, while nobody would know any thing of the matter. I fhould have an equal opportunity of ferving my friends, for VOL. II. T 1 could 290 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. I could pour them down plenty of gold, as they lay afleep. If I fhould chance to meet with a proud, tyrannical, rich, faucy fellow, I would take him up with me into the air about twenty furlong*, and dafh him down headlong. As I could enter invilibly into any chamber and lay every body faft aflcep, except thofe I wilhed to be awake, I fliould meet with no in- terruption in my amours. What do you fay to be out of harm's way, up in the air, behold- ing enemies engaged in battle ? If I Ihould take it into my head, you know, I might join thofe who had the word of it, rally them as they were running away, and give them the victory, fub- duing their conquerors by deep. Upon the whole, I would make human life my fport, be- ing matter of whatever the world could beflow, nothing lefs than a God in the eyes of other men. Thus enjoying the moft perfect health through the whole courfe of fo long a life, I ihall be fenftble of the highefl felicity, which can neither be deflroyed nor endangered. And now, Lycinus, what unfavourable reflections- have you to make ? L Y- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 291 L Y C I N U S. None at all. You do not fuppofe, that I would fet my wit againft a man with wings, and with more ftrength than ten thoufand. I fhall only beg leave to afk a queflion. In the many nations over which you have flown, did you never fee another * old fellow, mounted alfo on a little ring, and equally unfettled in his mind, with a bald head, and a flat nofe, beloved by all manner of perfons, and able to remove mountains with his little finger ? Will you alfo refolve me this ? why cannot one ring anfwer all your purpofes, but you mult be encumbered with fo many, that every finger of your left hand is infufficient, and you are obliged to have re- courfe to your right ; When, after all that has been faid and doi.e, you ititt want one the moft neceflary of all : I mean, to keep your nofe clean, and clear your head. Or, will a good fubflantial draught of hellebore do it ? T I M O L A U S. But come, Lycinus, let us hear your wife wifh. You, who find fo much fault with other people, will, no doubt, take good care to be unblamable yourfelf. * Meaning perhaps Saturn, or Time, i T 2 L Y- 2p2 DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. L Y C I N U S. I have no occafion to give myfelf any trou- ble about it, for we are juft at Dipylon. Our good friend Samippus, with his duel at Baby- lon; and you, Timolaus, who dine in Syria and fup in Italy, have engrofied the whole way \vith your own wiihes, leaving me none for mine. Which, to tell you the truth, I am not at all forry for ; as I ihall not, like you, after a flight glimpfe of tranfitory riches, as little real as an addled egg, feel the cutting mortification of being again reduced to my homely fare. You wake from your dele&able dream, when, behold ! your treafures, your diadems, your riches, your happinefs, have taken wing and are gone ! No other enjoyment is then found to refide within your walls belides the miferable meal of poverty. You will then change your tone, and be willing to confefs, that you have been only a&ors, not a whit fu- perior to thofe mighty perfonages, the Creons, or Agamemnons, who, " having flrutted their hour upon the ftage," retire fupperlefs to bed, and then " are heard no more." You, Timo- laus, DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 293 laus, may be confidered as another Icarus, who muft lofe not only your wings but your rings too, and be contented to tread the ground. It is enough for me, as I cannot conveniently take Babylon, nor be the matter of fo much wealth, to have the pleafure of laughing at your ridiculous wifhes, which have not been, I think, in every refped: becoming fuch great philofophers. THE FUGITIVES. APOLLO, JUPITER, PHILOSOPHY, HERCULES, MERCURY, MEN, MASTER, ORPHEUS, FUGITIVE, DEFENDANT. APOLLO. IS it true, father, that an old man, ' having a propcnfity to excite admiration, threw himfelf into the fire, in prefence of the many thoufands affcmbled at the Olympick Games ? T 3 We 2p4 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA. N. We have been told fo by the moon, who fays, ihe actually faw him burning. JUPITER. It is too true, Apollo. I wiih it were other- wife. APOLLO. What, he was a very worthy man, I fup- pofe, too good to be burnt ? JUPITER. I fay nothing to that ; but this I can fay, for I have not forgot, that I was almoft poi- foned with the fmoke. You cannot be at a lofs to imagine what kind of fume proceeds from the body of a roafling man. I do aflurc you, that, if I had not got away, as faft as I could, into Arabia, I could not poflibly have furvived it. Even after I was there, furround- ed with fo many fweets, fuch rich aromaticks, fuch abundance of incenfe, my noftrils hardly ceafed ftill to retain that plaguy ilench. I am almoft ready to fpew at the thoughts of it. APOLLO. DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 295 APOLLO. Pray, Jupiter, what could he mean ? What good can it do a man to leap into a fire, and be burnt to a cinder ? JUPITER. Nay, my child, if you talk in this manner, you would cenfure Empedocles, who did fo before him. Empedocles, you know, jumped down the chimney of Mount ^Etna. APOLLO. Poor man ! I am forry he was fo much out of his fenfes. But what could be the occafion of this man's conceiving fuch an unaccountable whim ? JUPITER. For that matter he made a publick apology for choofing his manner of dying, which I will repeat to you as well as I can remember. He faid But what female is that, who advances towards us with fuch hafly fleps ? She fheds tears, and appears to be full of trouble. It rauft be Philofophy, and no other, that calls T 4 upon 2p6 DIALOGUES OF LUCtAN. upon me with fo piteous a tone. What is the matter ? What makes you weep fo, my daugh- ter ? How came you to leave the world ? Have the fools formed a confpiracy againft you, and would they deftroy you too, as Anytus did Socrates ? Is it for that you have taken your flight ? PHILOSOPHY. No fuch thing, father. Thofe good people, the mob, have always been loud in my praifes. They reverenced, honoured, admired, and did every thing but adore me. To be fure, they did not much underfland what I faid ; but no matter for that. It was I do not know what I am to call them my acquaintance, my friends, I fuppofe, I muft fay, fince they call themfelves by my name they are the perfons, by whom I have been moft grievoufly abufetf. JUPITER. Philofophers in a plot againft Philofophy I do you fay? P HI. PIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. 297 PHILOSOPHY, No, Sir, not Philofophers. Philofophers and Philofophy l^ave equal caufe to complain. JUPITER. Who is it then that has injured you ? Since neither fools, nor Philofophers, have offended you, who is it ? PHILOSOPHY. There are certain perfons, Jupiter, who arc neither the one nor the other, but between both. In drefs, in mien, in gait, in manner, they refemble me. But thefe feveral circum- ftances are at variance with their other half, their vulgar half. They enroll themfelves un- der my name, as if intending to follow my ftandard. They call themfelves my difciples, my familiar friends and companions. Mean- while their manner of life is altogether un- feemly, altogether unfuitable to fuch a pretence, being nothing better than a tiflue of ignorance, impudence, and wantonnefs. All this, father, i no fmall difgrace to philofophy, and, in Ihort, 2p8 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N, fiiort, is fuch treatment as I could no longer endure. I have therefore fhewn them a light pair of heels, and am come hither to com- plain. JUPITER. You had very good reafon. But pray what was your principal grievance? PHILOSOPHY. No trifle, believe me. You know, father, when you beheld the world filled with iniquity and injuftice, a mere jumble of ignorance and ill-manners, in pure compaffion to mifguided mortals, you fent me down amongfl them, giving me a Uriel: charge, that I Ihould infift on their behaving better 'for the future. I was to prevail with them, if poffible, to lay afide their brutality, to abflain from adts of violence, and to forbear injuring one another. And that they might eftablifh a more peaceable mode of life, I was directed to call their attention to the truth. What palled on my receiving my commiffion is Hill frefh in my memory : " You fee, daughter, faid you, the effed: of the ignorance which prevails. Mens' manners arc DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 299 are univerfally corrupted. I pity their blind- nefs, and have refolved on difpatching you amongft them, as being the only one of us I can think of, who is competent to the cure of their folly, and likely to put an end to the madnefs of the prefent proceedings," JUPITER. I remember I faid a good deal to that pur- pofe. But pray tell me what kind of reception you met with at your firft flying down, and how they treat you at prefent. I defire to know. PHILOSOPHY. I was not in fo great a hurry to go to the Greeks. As I conceived it to be a work of greater difficulty, I thought it beft to begin with the inflrudtion of Barbarians. The Greeks I left to themfelves for the prefent, having no manner of doubt of eafily bringing them to my mind at any time, and reducing to rule a people already fo well prepared to receive my laws [/]. I made the beft of my way to India. [/] A true account of the progrefs of philofophy. Solanus. The DIALOGUES OP LUCIA N. The Indians, the greatefl nation in the uni- verfe, were without any considerable difficulty prevailed upon to alight from their elephants, and liften to me. The [] Bramins, that happy raee of men living on the confines of the Nechrai and Oxydracs, are entirely at my dif-, pofal, Their lives are regulated by my pre- cepts, and they are of courfe greatly refpedted by all their neighbours. There is fomething to excite your admiration in their manner of dying. JUPITER. You are fpeaking of the Gymnofophifh. I have heard much of them. They get upon [K] The Brachmanes aredefcribed by ancient hiflorians, as a nation of philofopheis, who e.E]J TO -nrav. Every thing yields to mduftry. P*riander. *. Moderation is beft. Cleobulus. ^7rj. Be a bondfraan, ruin is ready. Thales. Tr, >or oki DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 313 web, no fooner done than undone. All the pains I can take, every thing I can do, being thus ren- dered old dog, who juft lived to exprefs his joy at his mailer's return, and imtantly died. See Horn. Od. II. and XVII. Thus, near the gates conferring as they drew, A^us, the dog, his ancient nutter knew; He, not unconfcious of ' tie voice, and tread, Lifts to the found his ear, and rears his head ; Bred by Ulylies, pourith'd at his board, But ah ! not fated long to pleafe his lord ! To hirr, his fvyiftnefs and his ftrerigth were vainj The voice ot glory call'd him o'er the main, Till then in every filvan chafe renown'd, With Argus, Argus, rang the woods around; With,him the youth purfu'd the goat or fawn, Or trac'd the mazy leveret o'er the lawn. Now left to man's ingratitude he lay, Unhous'd, neglected in the publick way. And where on heaps the rich manure was fpread, Obfcene with reptiles, took his fordid bed. He knew his lord ; he knew, and ftrove to meet; Jn vain he ftrove to crawl, -and'kifs his feet; Yet (all he could) his tail, his ears, his eyes Salute his mailer, and confefs his joys. Soft pity touch'd the mighty matter's foul, Adown his cheek a tear unbidden Hole; Stole unperceiv'd ; he turn'd his head and dry'd The drop humane : then thus impaffion'd cry'd'; What noble ~beail: in this abandon'd ftate Lies here all helplefs at Ulyfles' gate f His 314 DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. dcred of no avail, ignorance and wickednefs look on and laugh at me. ju- His bulk and beauty fpeak no vulgar praife ; If, as he feems, he was in better days, Some care his age deferves : or was he priz'd For worthlefs beauty ! therefore now defpis'd ? Such dogs, and men there are, mere things of ftate, And always cherifh'd by their friends, the great. Not Argus fo, (Euma;us thus rejoin'd) But ferv'd a mafter of a nobler kind, Who never, never fhall behold him more ! Long, long fince perifh'd on a diftant fliore ! Oh had you fcen him, vigorous, bold, and young, Swift as a ftag, and as a lion firong ; Him no fell favagc on the plain withilood, None 'fcap'd him, bofom'd in the gloomy wood; His eye how piercing, and his fcent how true, To wind the vapour in the tainted dew ! Such, when Ulyfles left his natal coaft ; Now years unnerve him, and his lord is loft ! The women keep the generous creature bare, A ileek and idle race is all their care : The mafter gone, the fervants what reftrains ? Or dwells humanity where riot reigns? Jove fix'd it certain, that whatever day Makes man a (lave, takes half his worth away, This fuid, the honeft herdfman ftrodc before : The mufing monarch paufes at the door ; PIALOGUES OF LUCIA JUPITER. O ye Gods ! what evils has philofophy been made to endure ! How grievoufly have thofe villains offended ! It is high time for us to re- folve on foine method of punilhment. The thunder-bolt makes quick work. It kills at a. blow. APOLLO. Give me leave, father, to fpeak, I hate the raf* cals as much as you can do. In behalf of the mufes, I difdain whatever is fo averfe from their influence. But I cannot think fuch paltry of% fenders worthy the honour of provoking a thun- The dog whom fate had granted to behold His lord, when twenty tedious years had roll'd, Takes a laft look, and, having feen him, diesjj So clos'd for ever faithful Argus' eyes ! Pope's Translation. This epifode, than which nothing can be more beautiful or affe&ing, has been ridiculed by Perrault and others, *< mere things of Hate," who never " dry'd the drop hu- jnane,'' derbolt, l6 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. derbolt, or perifhing by the arm of Jove. If you think fit, I could wiih that Mercury might be deputed to ' affign them their punilhment. As he is a good fcholar, fo he will be able to judge of their feveral pretenfions; and able to diflinguifh who is really a philofopher, and who is not. To thofe truly meriting that appellation, he will not refufe their mare of praife ; and he will punrih others, as occafion may require. JUPITER. I am very much obliged to you, Apollo, for your hint. 1 am of opinion, that Hercules too, taking Philofophy with him, ihould go down immediately to earth. If you can but extirpate thofe monfters, Hercules, you may fet it down as a thirteenth labour not inferior to any of the twelve. HERCULES. Sooner than have any thing to do with them, I had much rather undertake to cleanfe another Augasan flable. But, if we mufl go, we rauft go. PHI- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 317 PHILOSOPHY. Our father's good pleafure muft determine ours ; though, I own, I fliall go very much againft my will. MERCURY. Let us go directly. We may do the bufinefs of fome of them this very day. We muft afk you, Philofophy, where they are to be found. Though, I take it for granted, Greece is the country. PHILOSOPHY. Indeed, Mercury, you are very much mif- taken. There are a few, a very few philofo- phers in Greece, and thofe few are really and truly what their name denotes. But the phi- lofophers, who are the object of our commif- lion, have no appetite for the homely fare of Attica. What they aim at is plenty of filver and gold, and our fearch is to be direct- ed accordingly. M E R- 3 1 3 DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N* MERCURY. Snppofe then we make the bed of our w to Thrace ? HERCULES. With all my heart : I will fiiew you the way* I have been there fo often, that I am very well acquainted with the country. This is the way ! MERCURY.. Which ? HERCULES. Do not you fee, both of you, yonder twd mountains, the two greateft and moft beautiful of all others ? Hzemus is the larger of the two, and over againit it is Rhod6pe From each fide below are extended very fertile plains* There are three or four beautiful fummits, gra- dually rifing like the fpires of an approaching city. And behold ! yonder is the city ! DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 3*9 MERCURY. Yes verily, Hercules, the mofl large and beautiful city ever feen. Its fplendour is very confpicuous at this diltance, and it feems to be walhed by a very large river. HERCULES. Yes, the Hebrus. The[/] city was built by Philip. We are now below the clouds, very near to the earth. So we may land, if you pleafe. Succefs to us ! MERCURY. With all my heart. But what is to be done now ? How lhall we trace them out ? HERCULES. That, Mercury, depends upon you You can eafily cry them : it is your trade, you know. [] Chryfippus. You [p] A pun on the word Chryfippus, derived from xgw ; and IVKQ^ a horfe. , X 4 will 328 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. will fee him [x.\i>e, [/] Mofes du Soul think-, this word Fugitives fhould give yp its place to Hercules. 2 hide DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N, 331 hide be well fuppled with a ftalk of [u] mal- lows. Let this learned philofopher be fhaved with a plaifler of ftinking pitch. Then let my gentleman be conduced naked to Mount Hasmus, there to remain in the mow, with his feet tied together. FUGITIVES. Alas ! alas 1 dear me ! what will become of us ! MASTER. Come, come, none of your tragedy- faces here ! Away with you, get you gone to thofc who will fmooth your furface for you ! Quick, quick, off with your lion's fkin, that you may be known for an afs as you are. [] Diofcorides and Mr. Miller mention the ufe of mallovr in foftening the belly, but fay nothing of its virtue, when externally applied, in fuppling the back. The [ 33 2 ] The [>] KINGFISHER; aDialogue on TRANSFORMATION. CHJBREPHON and SOCRATES. C H JE R E P H O N. WHAT voice was that, Socrates, which we heard at a diflance on the coaft, fo fweetly echoed from the promontory ? What can it be ? The inhabitants of the water are dumb : it could not be any one of them that utters founds fo pleafant to the ear. SOCRATES. It is a fea-bird, called the Kiiigfifrier, con- cerning which there goes an [z] old llory. It [jy] The commentators will not allow this to be a dialogue of Lucian, fume of them thinking it too good, others too bad, to be of his writing. It has been attributed to Plato, and t-j one Leo, an Academick. [-;] Alcyone was the wife of Ceyx, king of Trachin, who being obilinately refolved on confulth.g the oracle of Apollo Clarius, concerning the ftate of his kingdom, was ftiipwrecked ill DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. 333 It is continually crying and lamenting. This bird, they tell you, was formerly a woman, the daughter of JEolus, fon of Hellen; and that ilie was married to a young man named Ceyx, a Trachinian, fon of Lucifer, the morning ftar, the [i/] handfome fon of a handfome father. Some divine power having furniihed her with wings, flie flies over the fea, in fearch of her loft hnfband, having in vain explored every land. C H & R E P H O N. A Kingfiiher do you call it ? This is the firft time I have chanced to hear its note. And to be fure it does fing in a moft melancholy ftrain. How large a bird is it, Socrates ? in his voyage. His dead body being carried back to his wife, fne leaped into the fea oat of iympathy. They were after- wards both changed into birds, which the Greeks call AAxu- Gfj, Kingfishers. Ovid. Met. XI. Thefe birds, according to Pliny, make their nefts in the middle of the fea, and breed in the winter, during which the weather is always calm. Hence the expreffion Halcyon days. [a] Matre pulchra rilia pulchrior. Tier. s o- 334 DIALOGUES. OF LUCIA tf * SOCRATES. The bird is not large, but large is the reward with which the Gods have honoured its con- jugal fidelity. At the time of making its neft and hatching its young, the world enjoys Hal- cyon days, as the faying is. Though in the depth of winter, the weather is perfectly clear and ferene; of which this day is a fair example* Do not you obferve how very bright it is over head, and that the fea is unruffled with a iingle wave, its furface being every where as fmooth as a looking-glafs ? CH^EREPHON. Right. This feems to be a Halcyon day * and fo, 1 believe, yefterday was* But I muft beg of you, Socrates, in the name of all the Gods, that you will be fo good as to explain what you have been faying. How is it poffible that women can be made of birds, or birds of women ? Nothing, I think, can be much more incredible. S O- DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 335 SOCRATES. My dear Sir, you and I are very incompe- tent judges of what is poffible and impoflible. We trufl to our own faculties to determine what is out of the reach of our ignorance, and blindly difbelieve becaule we cannot fee. No wonder, therefore, that what is in reality eafy enough, ftiould often appear difficult; as that, to which we may very well attain, feems alto- gether inacceffible. Our inexperience, like our infancy, is thus frequently impofed on. For every man, even the very ^Idefl, may be con- fidered as a babe; fined his age is as nothing compared to eternity. How then, Chasrephon, can any perfon thus totally unacquainted with the extent of the divine power, take upon him to prefcribe limits to it, and tell us what is pof- fible and what impoffible ? You faw what a ftorm there was the day before yeflerday. Any bodv only confidering the dreadful thunder and lightning, and the prodigious violence of the wind, might very well have been afraid, that the whole frame of nature was ready to fall in pieces. Yet a little while after, how wonder- fully DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N; fully flill and ferene was the face of the fky, as it flill continues ! And can you fuppofe it a work more arduous and difficult to produce fe- renity from turbulence, and make order out of diforder, than to change the form of a woman -into that of a bird ? Our lictlc children, you know, who underfiand how to model clay or wax, can make at pleafure a great variety of figures from the fame materials. And why fhould there be any difficulty in believing, that the Divine Power, which is ib infinitely fuperior to all companion with ours, can at any time ef*- fet fuch changes with all imaginable eafe ? How much, do you think, the whole atmof- phere may exceed the extent of your body ? C H JE R E P H O N. Kow fhould any man, Socrates, be able to exprefs in words what he cannot conceive in idea ? SOCRATES. We cannot any of us avoid obferving the different degrees of flrength and weaknefs, which are found in different men. The ftate of manhood, compared to an infant of a week 6 old, DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 337 old, exhibits an amazing inequality in refpect of abilities in almofl every thing relating to human life, in whatever belongs to arts and ma- nufactures, in every work of the hands, and contrivance of the head ; nothing of all which can fo much as enter into the imagina- tion of an infant. The flrength of a full-grown man is fo far out of all proportion to that of new-born babes, that he would be able with all the eafe in the world to matter fome thoufands of them. Such is the law of our nature, that we are in our infancy deftitute of every thing, and altogether infufficient for our own fupporn But, if one human being be fo different from another, how may we imagine the univerfe to appear in comparifon with our Hender power, when that comparifon is made by a mind ade- quate to it ? I fuppofe molt perfons will be willing to allow, that, as much as the extent of the world exceeds the fize of Socrates or Cheerephon, fo much its [#] power, wifdom, and underftanding, may be fairly concluded to excel thofe faculties in us. To fuch perfons as you and me many things are impofiible, which f a] Alluding to Plato's notion of the Anirna Mundiv VOL. II, Y t* 338 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. to others are eafy enough. To play on the flute to fnch as are unfkilled in mufick, to read and write to thofe who do not fo much as know a letter, would be a tafk not lefs difficult than making women of birds, or birds of wo- men. Nature lodges a little helpleis animal in a commodious cell, furniihes him with feet and wings, drefles and adorns him with a va- riety of beautiful colours, and thus conftitutes the bee, the wife artificer of [] heavenly ho- ney. From eggs deflitute of life and fpeech, how many inhabitants of air, of land, of water, does this fame nature form, practifmg, as they lay, the documents of art divine ! The power of the immortal Gods being fo great, and we puny mortals fo very blind as not to perceive things great or little, ignorant even of what daily happens before our own eyes, how can we pretend to Ipeak with confidence of any thing ? The Kingfifner and the Nightingale arc to us equally enigmatical. But the tradition which I have received from my parents con- [] Protinus aerii mellis cxkftiadona. Virg. Georg. 4. Denique ex hoc (bove) putrefa&o nafd duIciUimas apes mellis niatres. Vano tie re ruftica. cerning DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 339 cerning thy fongs, [Vj O bird melodious me- lancholy, I will deliver down entire to my children. I will not fail to celebrate thy pious affedtion for thy hufband, making my wives [d] Xantippe and Myrto well acquainted with it, and mentioning, amongft other particulars, the honour done thee by the Gods ! You, I hope, Chserephon, will ad: in the fame manner. CH^EREPHON. So it becomes me, Socrates. Your words carry a double force, which tend to eflablifh the mutual regard of man and wife. SOCRATES. Well, let us take our leave of the King- fifher. It is time to quit the [e~] Phalerick meadow, and return to the city. CH^EREPHON. Very well, let us be gone. [c] Sweet bird, that fhun'ft the noife of folly, Moil mufical, moft melancholy. Milton, fpeakingof the nightingale. [J] Of thefe Uvo wives of Socrates, Myrto is hardly known, not having made fo much noife in the world as Xantip'-c. [^] Phaleros, a fine meadow near Athens. Y 2 Of [ 340 J [/] Of the manner in which HISTORY ought to be written. I Have been told, my dear Philo, that, in the reign of \_g] Lyfimachus, the good people of Abdera were afflicted with a fingular kind of difeafe. All in general were feized with a violent fever, which continued without intermiffion till about the feventh day; when fome of them were relieved by a copious diicharge of blood from the noftrils, and others by as plentiful a flow of fweat. However, though the fever thus left them, fome effects were produced by it extraordinary and whim- fical enough. Their minds on a fudden became [/] Lucian is generally inclined to fquander the parts of fyejch ; but he nowhere fcatters them about him with greater profufion than in this piece, where the fenfe is wiredrawn to the laft degree. [g] After the death of Alexander, his dominions being di- vitied, Lyfimachus, one ot his captains, became king of Thrace, in which was the city Abdera, fo DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 34! fo enchanted with tragedy, that they roared out lambicks, and uttered all in recitative. Th<. A.uli-omeda of Euripides became a favou- rite monody, and the fpeech of Perfeus was chanted out mod melodioufly. Then was the city replete with tragedians pale and lean, all made fit for their parts by the feven days licknefs. [7>] Love, cruel king of God and men, was one of the fine flourifhes which thofe heroes founded forth without ceafing. Till, at the laft, a fevere winter coming on, deprived them of their poetry, and reilored them to their fenfes. The caufe of all this, in my opinion, was no other than Archelaus. Archclaus was a favou- rite player, who had exhibited the ftory of Andromeda in the middle of a very hot fum- mer; fo hot, that many perfons, before they were well out of the theatre, were directly taken ill with a fever ; while "the fancied forms of Andromeda, Perfeus, and Medufa, fluttered before their fenfes, and recalled their delighted [] See a fragment of the Andromeda of Euripides, of ^vhich this line makes a part, in B irucs'a euitimi of that author. Y 3 atto-i- J42 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. attention to the flrains of tragedy. If I may be allowed to make a comparifon ; I think, that a great part of our men of learning do at prefent labour under a diforder not much unlike that of Abdera. Not that they adt tragedies : they are too far gone to be con- tented with the decent [/'] lambicks compofed by others. Ever fince the beginning of the prefent commotions, the war [] with the barba- rians, and the lofs fuflained in Armenia, which was followed by fo many victories ; ever fince thofe events took place, all mankind feems to be employed in writing the hiftory of them. At every ftep you take there darts up a Thu- cydides, an Herodotus, or a Xenophon. And if fo many hiflorians arife after an onfet, what doubt can any longer remain, that [/] war is the univerfal parent ? The hearing and feeing of all this put me in mind of the [/] phi- loibpher of Sinope. On the report of Philip's [/] lambick is the meafure of" the Greek Tragedies. [;] This war is faid to have commenced in the year of Chrift 161, ar,d to have ended in 164. [/] See Diogenes Laertius IX, 7. Difcors concordia fxtibus apta ek. Ovid. [;;/] Diogenes. 7 . advancing, DIALOGUES OF LUC I AN. 343 advancing, the people of Corinth were all alarmed, and every body was in motion. One did one thing, and another another, with all his might and main. One provided arms, ano- ther carried {tones. One fecured the founda- tions of the walls, another the battlements. And every body was very bufy in fomething or other, very ufeful no doubt, and very necef- fary. Diogenes, being a fpedtator of all this buftle, and having nothing in all the world to do, as nobody thought of employing him, tucked up his remains of an old cloak, and, with great earneflnefs and application, rolled up and down the tub in which he dwelt backwards and forwards all over [ji~] Craneium. One of his friends enquiring into the occafion ; " I roll my tub, replied Diogenes, that I may not be thought the only idle man in a place where fuch multitudes are fo bufily employed." In like manner, my dear friend, Philo, that I may not be the only filent man when every body elfe is fo very free of his tongue, nor open my mouth without fpeaking, like a mute in a play, I have been thinking, that I too may [>/] A place near Corinth, where Diogenes taught his dif- cipies. Y 4 as 344 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA V. as well roll my tub in the beft manner I am able. Do not you be afraid of my undertaking a hiftory ; I have not fo much aflurance as to venture on a recital of fadts. I know very well, that my little tub is in too crazy a condition to. be rolled over the hard flones, unlefs I had a mind to gather it up in [p] fcraps, or fee a piece knocked out of it by every pebble. I will tell you then what I have refolved on, and how far I intend to engage in the contefl, without laying claim to any fliare of the danger. I find myfelf juft wife enough to keep out of the way of the \_q] fmoke, and the waves [q\ and the cares [y], which befet a profefled author. I lhall jufl offer a little advice, and fubmit to the opinion of others a few fuggeftions hardly more fufficient to entitle me to be named on the occafion, than if I fhjuld expedt to be talked of as an architect merely from having foiled my finger with mortar. Moft people fcem to think, that no rules whatever can be neceflary for fuch an undertaking; but that, if a man can only make known his own mind, **. The calks of the ancients were ufually made of clay. JV>] Horn. Od. M. 219. DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 345 he has no more need of dire&ions for compofing a hiftory, than he has of being taught the [r] art of putting one leg before the other, of walking, or looking, or eating. Yon, however, know very well, that hiftory is not fo extremely eafy ; but that it is, at leaft as much as any other, one of thofe literary purfuits, which re- quires the utmoft care and attention ; efpecially if, as Thucydides fays, the author aims at im- mortality. At the fame time I am well con- vinced, that any advice of mine can be ex- pected to influence only a very few. Thofe, who have already finimed their work, and given it to the publick, are likely to coniider me in a very odious light. After being fo much praifed, it would be mere madnefs to expedt them to be induced by any arguments of mine to blot out or correct what has been ratified by learned approbation, and even depolited in the courts of princes. And yet I cannot think there can be any great harm in offering a few remarks, which, if they Ihould meet with for- givencfs, may ferve our hiflorians, in cafe of another war, as a canon of criticifm on their [r] A wulking-mafter appears to have been a profelilon unknown in the time of Lucian. own 346 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. own works. Not that there is any danger of our being attacked after thus beating our ene- mies all round us. But other nations may not be fo fecure. The Celta?, for inflance, may fall upon the Getas ; or the Indians may chance to attack the Bactrians. And if, after all, my rules and opinions be not affented to, writers can but continue to follow their own. And why fhould that give me any more pain than it would to an induilrious phyiician to fee the honefl people of Abdera all out of their fenfes again ? As my intention is not only to point out what ftiould be carefully felected for ufe, but alfo what is to be as faithfully avoided, I fhall firft caution the writer of hif- tory how to keep clear of the latter. I fhali aired: him in what manner to 'proceed flraight forward without interruption, how he is to fet out, and what order he is to obferve in his progrefs, how he is to moderate his conduct, what he may pafs over in filence, where he is to be very particular and circumftantial, what he may fkim ilightly over, and how the whole is to be connected, and expreffed in language the moft plain and perfpicuous. In this 'man- ner DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 347 ner my purpofe is to conduct him to the end of his work. Let us now touch on the moft ufual blemifhes of inferior authors. It would be tedious, as well as foreign to my defign, minutely to examine the faults common to every fpecies of compoiition, with regard to the language, the congruity, the fentiment, and whatever elfe may be the refult of ignorance and unfkilfulnefs in the art. Thefe common faults, as has been obferved, confift in the un- aptnefs and incongruity of expreffion. I have had many opportunities of knowing; and, if you will beftow any confiderable degree of your attention, I believe, you will readily agree with me concerning the feveral particulars in which hiflorians moft frequently fail. By way of fpecimen, it may not be unfeafonable to produce a few known examples, the better to illuftrate my meaning. Firfl of all, let us take notice of the error fo unpardonable, and yet at the fame time fo prevailing, when the writer, neglecting to give an exadt narrative of facets, beftows his whole time and pains in exalting at any rate the characters of his princes and ge- nerals ; extolling the actions of his own coun- trymen as much above the truth, as he under- values 348 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. vajues and degrades thofe of the enemy. As if Hiftory were not a province very feparate and diftindt from panegyrick ! between which a vaft boundary is placed, filling up, as a mufician might fay, all the interval of a double diapafon ! The panegyrift has no other care, than by a profufe heap of indifcriminate praife to gratify the vanity of his hero; regardlefs how many lies he may find it neceffary to tell, in order to attain his end. While Hiftory al- lows not the flighteft deviation from truth in the final left circumftance : juft as the wind- pipe (fo any fmatterer in phyfick will inform yon) cannot fafely admit the leaft particle of what we eat or drink. Such writers as we are fpeaking of feem not to confider, that the rules and ends of hiftory are very different from thofe of Poetry. In Poetry we are made to expect the moft unbounded licence, unre- ftrained by any one law befides the good-will and pleafure of the poet ; who, when filled with the divine afflatus, and having all the mufes at his elbow, may befpeak a fet of winged horfes for his chariot, which he may order to prance upon the furface of the water, or DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N* 349 or trip on the [s~] ears of the ftanding corn. All 'this the poet may do without danger of cenfure. More than this, he may make a Ihew of the great and mighty Jove hoilting up earth and fea f aliened together by a chain, which the amazed fpedtators are horribly afraid will break, and let all tumble down and be dafhed to pieces together. This he may do, if he pleafes ; no- body will fay a word againft it. He is at li- berty to beftow on his favourite [/] Agamem- non a head and eyes like Jupiter's, a breafl like brother Neptune's, a belt like that of Mars ; in Ihort he may lay all the Coeleilials under [j] Horn. II. XX. 227. Thefe lightly Ikimming, when they fwept the plain, Nor ply'd the grafs, nor bent the tender grain ; And when along the level feas they flew, Scarce on the furface curl'd the briny dew. Pope's Tranflation. Imitated by Virgil. JEn. VII. 805. Camilla Outftript the wind infpeed upon the plain, Flew o'er the fields, nor hurt the bearded grain : She fwept the feas ; and, as fhe fkimm'd along, Her flying feet unbath'd in billows hung. Dryden's Tranflation. [0 Horn, II. B. 478. con- 35 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. [tt] contribution, for the purpofe of equipping the fon of Atreus and Aerope ; efpecially as no one individual of them all, neither Jupiter, nor Neptune, nor Mars, nor any body, can of himfelf equal in all refpects the accompliihed Agamemnon. Hiftory, when it afpires to flat- tery of this kind, becomes a kind of poetical profe at befl, filent the mufes' tongue fublime, yet participating of the marvellous, though without the enchanting numbers; for which very reafon the prodigious becomes the more ftrongly marked. How very capital a defect is it then to be incapable of feparating the pro- vinces of profe and verfe, arraying hiiiory in the meretricious attire of poefy, and daubing it with every extravagance of fable and flattery ! Jufl as if you were to take a fturdy wreftler, ftout as an oak, drefs him in purple, rub his face with rouge and white lead, and beftow on him other ornaments equally in character ; what a ridiculous figure, O Hercules, would you make of him ! However, I do not pretend [] To paint his Venus, auld Appelles Wai'd a' the bonny maids of Gieece. Allan Ramfay. to DIALOGUES OF LUCIAN. 35! to fay, that no kind of praife is ever to be en- dured in hiftory. I only fay, that it mufl be feafonably introduced, and ufed with modera- tion. It is never to be fuch as may prove irk- fome to the reader, never diffonant from thofe rules of pradtice, which I proceed to give. Thofe who, taking it into their heads to divide hiftory into two parts, the ufeful and deleftable, do therefore introduce panegyrick as a recrea- tion for the reader, which belongs to their fe- cond divifion, you will allow to be very egre- giouily miftaken in forming fuch an unwar- rantable diftindlion ; the fole bufmefs and end of Hiftory being utility, ariling from truth alone. If indeed it fhould prove attended with delight, as a champion may chance to have beauty, it is fo much the better. But if not, there is no lawful impediment to prevent the ge- nerous Nicoftratus [^], fon of Ifidotus, defcended from Hercules, from being fuperior to both his competitors ; although not the handfomeft man in the world. Nor is there any reafon why Alcasus, the beautiful Mileiian, ftiould not [y\ Commentators differ concerning the pedigree of Nicof- tratus. To their learned enquiries nothing cao here be ad- ded. Non noftrum eft tantas componere Ihes. contend 01 A L d GU S OF L U C I A K. contend with him, who was, as it is faid, a favourite of his. Hiftory, chancing to pick up pleafure by the way, mufl doubtlefs have many lovers; but, while folely intent on its one great end, the publifhing of truth, will have little leifure to attend to ornament. Befides, it may be added, that nothing in Hiftory can afford much pleafure, which carries with it the appearance of fable, and which will go very ill down, unlefs you ftiould regard as your judges the very dregs of the people. The minuteft impropriety will not efcape the dif- cerning and rigid critick, than whom Argus himfelf, though eyes all over, was not more fharp-fighted, nor curious and inquifitive. Such readers examine every word by weight and meafure, rejecting without mercy whatever is found adulterate; and not lefs careful to re- tain whatever is approved, legitimate, accu- rate, and exact. Such are the readers a writer fhould conftantly have in his eye, to their judg.-* ment he is to appeal, without coveting the extravagant applaufes, which erkicks of a dif- ferent caft may be induced to beftow. But if, indifferent to the opinions of the judicious, you ihould at all events refolve on exhibiting a hiftory DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 353 a hiftory highly feafoned with panegyrick, fable, and other falfe ornaments, your work muft make juft fuch a becoming figure as Her- cules exhibited in Lydia; where, you know, he was the molt humble fervant of his miftrefs Omphale. Doubtlefs you have feen the for- midable hero depicted in a drefs not altogether Herculean. Omphale has flung the lion's fkin over her delicate fhoulder, while her lily hand grafps the club. Hercules, who is very bufy at his fpinning, is attired in purple and faffron, and chaflifed, as he richly deferves, with a blow of Omphale's flipper. How ridiculous is the idea excited by fuch a picture, where the drefs fo badly fits and fo ill adorns the wearer ! The man divine is funk into fomething lefs than woman ! And yet, it is poffible, fuch a tafte may prevail. But the judicious few, whom you coniider as nobody, cannot but laugh at fo incongruous, fo unapt, fo difcordant a compo- fition. There refides in each particular object its own peculiar grace ; which being removed from its proper fituation, ufe and beauty perifh. Praife, indeed, may be very agreeable to the man on whom it is beftowed, though to all others naufeous enough ; efpecially when it is VOL. II. Z given 354 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N< given to that monftrous excefs in ufe with the mob of authors, who obferve fo little mode- ration in their manner of foliciting the good will of their patrons, that flattery, fo very bare-faced, is confpicuous to every eye. With- out method or fenfe to conceal their adulation, having once fet out, they ruih on through every thing in their way, heedlefs of the reader, who is thus bemired in all the depth of abfurd and palpable lies. By thefe means, who can won- der if they fail to attain what they fo eagerly purfue ? For what man of found fenfe does not hate and abhor fuch wretched fycophants ? Ariftobulus had undertaken an account of the {ingle combat between Alexander and Porus, o which part of his book he particularly chofe to read to the conqueror, as they failed together on the river Hydafpes, not without much ex- pectation of favour for the many valiant afts, which he had falfly attributed to the hero. But Alexander greatly difappointed his lying pane- gyrift, by fuddenly fnatching the book from his hand, and flinging it at the author's head. As it fell into the river, the king obferved, that the hiftorian was highly worthy of accom- panying his work, f JF having fought fo ftout 4 a battle DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 355 a battle for him, and made him throw his dart through fo many elephants. Alexander was equally right in not enduring with any temper the afiuming [z] Architect, who pro- pofed to make a flutue of him out of Mount Athos. Being offended with fuch grofs adula- tion, he no longer encouraged him as an artift. And what man can take delight in fuch praifes, unlefs he be fo thoroughly ilupid as not to perceive what nobody elfe can avoid feeing immediately ? Silly women and ugly beaux may infifl on being drawn as fimfhed pieces, from a perfuafion, that their looks will be im- [z] The name of rhat bold defigner was Dinocrates. He was extremely dcfirous of feeing known to Alexander, which he could not find any way of bringing about, till he hit upon, the following expedient. Having befmeared himfelf with oil, with a crown of poplar on his head, and a lion's fkin on his (boulders, without other drefs, he contrived to throw himfelf in the monarch's way His majelly, tickled with the novelty of the appearance, was gracioufly pleafed to laugh, and his retinue followed the royal example. Some accounts fay the courtiers laughed firft ; but that is not probable. However, the man's expectations were anfwere.i, and by pro- per degrees Dinocrates was received into favour. But, behold ! in procefs of time, he fell a facrifice to the excefs of thofe thriving arts, by which he had been exalted. Hear this, ye hangers-on, and fawn with moderation ! Z 2 proved 356 DIALOGUES OF L U C I A K^ proved in proportion as the painter lays on his colours. Thus the common herd of authors, having in view only the time prefent, think of nothing befides wjiat they conceive to be their own immediate intereft ; for which they de- ferve to be heartily defpifed, as their coarfe and aukward flattery is now apparent to every body, and cannot fail at any time of rendering all they fay fufpected. But if the writer is firmly perfuaded, that there ought at any, rate to be in hiflory a mixture of the pleafant, let him fpread over his work thofe ornaments only which are flrictly conliflent with an ad- herence to truth : from the negledt of which it happens, that fo very many are induced to fay fo very much nothing at all to the pnrpofe. I will now proceed to give an account, as well as I can remember, of what I have [a] lately heard from the hiltorians in Ionia ; and not in Ionia only, but alfo in Achaia, relating the fe- [] M. de Soul is almolt in raptures with this from which he difcovers the exact time of Lucian's returning home from his travels into Italy and Gaul. It appears, he lays, very }:L:iaiy, that he mull have been in Ionia about the year of Chiifc 163, after an a'olence from his native coun- try of iivelvc years at knit, ver*l DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 357 veral incidents of this fame war. By all the Graces, I befeech you not to rcfufe your afient to what I am going to fay, to the truth of which I could fwear with great fafety, were it decent to fwear upon paper. One of my au- thors begins with addreffing himfelf to the Mufes, earnestly intreating the GoddefTes to be propitious, and lend him a hand. A moil hopeful beginning of his hiftory ! Prefently my gentleman compares his hero to Achilles, and the king of the Perfians to Therfites; without once reflecting, that our prince would have got more credit by killing Hector than Therfites []. To put the warrior to flight, who had before driven fo many brave men before him, would have been fomething more worthy of recording. The hiftorian then drops a hint concerning his own {/] merit ; and what a fortunate circumftance it was for fuch illuf- trious actions to be immortalized by fo great a genius ! In the progrefs of his work he takes occafion to fay fomething in favour of his na- tive country Miletus, not ^forgetting to repre- [b} Horn. II. xxii. 158. [<] Arrian introduces his hillory of the great aftions of Alexander, with a pauegyiick upon himfelf. Z 3 hend 358 DIALOGUES OF LUC IAN. hend the negligence of Homer in that particu- lar, who has nowhere thought good to inform us where he was born. Towards the end of his poem he promifes in fo many plain words, that he will make the moil of our exploits, and at the fame time deprefs the Barbarians as much as lies in his power. Beginning his hif- tory, he thus recounts the caufes of the war : " That villain Vologefus," fays he, " that rafcal plague take him ! began the war for no better reafon than this." And in no better a manner than this our author proceeds. Ano- ther, a zealous difcipie of Thucydides, and mofl devoutly wilhing to imitate his great ori- ginal, that he may exhale the fweet odour of Attica, and fet out in the beft manner imagi- nable, begins with the venerable mention of his own dear name. Thus he [_d'\ : Creperius Calpurnianus, the Pompeiopolitanian, com- pofed the hiftory of the war between the Par- thians and Romans, fhewing how they fought, and beginning as they began." After this I need not tell you how he goes on ; the ha- rangues he makes in Armenia, by the aid [a] Thucydides begins his hiftory in this manner, of DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 359 of the [] See Thucydides. [/'] It is in this manner Thucydides traces out the progrefs of the plague of Athens, thus copied by the plague of Hif- tory. Dr. Mead was induced to believe, that ths plague is conftantly of African original, and is fprcad only by conta- gion to other parts of the world. See Mead's works, Quarto edition, p. 246. [] Meaning Romans, who are here called Athenians Ty courtefy of hillory. Z 4 com- 360 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. commonly thought a very meritorious copy- ing of Thucydides to turn his littlenefles to your own purpofe ; ns for inftance, in fuch phrafes as thefe : as a body may fay ; not for the fame reafon, believe me I had a^moft forgot to mention^ &c. &c. This writer has given us fe- veral Roman names of arms and machines made ufe of in war, and talks of fuch things as ditches and bridges in the fame terms they do. Think with yourfelf how very like he is to Thucydides, and what a dignity it gives to Grecian hiftory to interlard it with Latin names, patching on here and there a bit of purple, the better to prefcrve grace and uni- formity ! Another creeps on in a low commen- tiry, hardly fuperior to what might be fup- pofed to be the work of a common carpen- ter, or foot-foldier, or futler that follows the camp. This man truly may be very well en- dured, as he at once appears to be what he really is. And at any rate he has laid in a ilock of materials, which may afford good employment to fome future writer of fufEcient .;city for fuch an undertaking. What I blamed him for was, that his title was fo very pompous in comparifon of his work : " The Parthian DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 361 Parthian Hiftory, compofed by Callimorphus, the phyfician to the fixth regiment of pikemen." Anfwerable to this the number of each book was orderly marked at the end. And he con- cludes his introduction, which is more than commonly frigid, with informing us, that it is quite familiar to .a phyfician to compofe a hiftory ; inafmuch as ^Efculapius is the fon of Apollo, and Apollo is the commanding officer of the mufes, and prince of all inftruction. He begins in the lonick dialect, but all at once, I know not why, changes it for that which is in common ufe. [/] After i-faw and [/] TTSI^V and [/] oKoa-K and [/] vScro/, he gives as fuch expref- lions as are in every body's mouth, and may be heard in every ftreet. If I am to take notice of a learned work lately publifhed at Corinth, far exceeding all expectation, I mail only touch on the author's deiign, without mentioning his name. In his beginning, in the very firft fen- tence of his preface, he attacks the reader with [?] interrogations, having all the defire in [/] Words in the lonick dialeft. [>] One method of arguing a matter, as pra&ifed by the ancient logicians, was by alking queftions, preffing your an- * tagonift 362 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. in the world to fhevv the wifdom of his method, and to prove that none other than a wife man ought to undertake the writing of hiflory. Then after a while comes fyllogifm upon fyllogifm. In ihort, his proem is nothing elfe but a bundle of queftions in every fpecics of argu- mentation. There is a furfeit of flattery, an importunity of praife, all the enfnaring art of the fycophant, wrapped up in fyllogifm and in- terrogatory. What vexed me was, to hear a philoibpher with a long grey beard fet out .with remarking what a happy circumftance it was for pur prince to have philofophers deign to record his greatnefs. If it be really fo, thought I, the philofopher might leave his readers to find it out, without telling us fo himfelf. I muft not forget the exordium of him who fays, " I am going to [] fpeak of the Romans and Parthians ;" and lower down, " But it was fit that the Perfians ihould have the worft of it ;" and again, " This was Ofroes, whom the Greeks tagonift with one after another, till you drive him up into a corner, where he is obliged to furrender at difcretion. Socrates was the firlt who thus catechileu his difciples. See Spectator, No. 239. ] See Herodotus. call PIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 363 .call 'Oxyrhoes ;" with a great deal more of the fame kind. You fee there is a refemblance be- tween the two; only this man copies Herodo- tus, as the other did Thucydides. Another fcholar of Thucydides even outdoes his matter, defcribing, as he thinks, with all the perfpi- cuity and elegance and ftrength of language, every city, every mountain, every field, and every river, that comes in his way. tf May the averter of evils turn all this on the heads of our enemies !" Far lefs cold are the Caf- pian fnows and the Gallick ice, than the con- ceits of fuch a head ! A whole book fcarcely fuffices for a defcription of the general's Ihield ; " the [0] Gorgon on the bofs, azure eyes, white and black, a girdle like the rainbow, the fnakes twifted and curled !" The breeches of Vologefus, the bridle of his horfe, how many thoufand heroick words do they employ ! Such were the [j>] locks of Ofroes fwimming acrofs the Tibris ! Into a cave he efcaped, where ivy and myrtle and laurel laid their heads fo lovingly together, as to compofe an exacl: an exquifite lhade ! without fuch neceflary helps [0] Horn. II. A. 36. and E. 741. f/>] See Spanhemius, 450. as 364 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. as thefe, you fee, it would be impoffible to comprehend any thing reeorded in hiftory ! From an ignorance of the fubjeft, and an in- ability to do juflice to it, they turn afide to caves and regions untrodden, where they may indulge their talents for* [q~j idle dcfcription. Great events crowd the way ; but fuch hifto- rians are like the rich man, who was the other day a fervant. He has jufl fucceeded to his matter's eftate, and finds his riches fo ftrange and uncouth, that he neither knows what vic- tuals to eat, or what clothes to wear. Though birds and hares and boars are all before him, te fingles out pulfe and faltfifh ; with which, being his old acquaintance, he (luffs himfelf till he is ready to fplit. Nothing is too im- probable, nothing too [rj abfurd for our {lifto- ff/} Where pure defcription held the place of leafe. Pope. [r] The poet Lucnn furnUhes many laughable mftar.ccs of what is here expofcd. In the iVa-iight of Marfeilles, the firft man that is killed is pierced at the fame inflaut by twofpe-irs; one in his back, and the other in his breall, the two joints meering exadly in the middle. The foul drives out each of the fpears, and flies out of his body, half at one wound, and hah at the other. See Lucaa's Pharfalia, and Spence's Polymetis, p. 30. rian. DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 36$ rian. He makes a man inftantly expire by a wound in his great toe. Nay, the general Prifcus did but call out luftily, and ftraight- way there fell down dead full feven and twenty of the enemy. In recounting the numbers of the flain, the letters of the [j] commanders to their matter do not* match him for lying. There fell of the enemy, fays he, at the city [/] Europus, three hundred and feventy thou- fand two hundred and fix ; of the Romans only two were killed, and nine wounded. This, I fancy, is rather too much for a fober man to fwallow. I have another obfcrvation to' make worthy of fome attention. From an extrava- gant paffion for Attick purity he has thought fit to turn the Latin names into Greek. Ho very gravely calls Saturninus Kpowoj; Fronto, $g0*7/| ; Titian, Tijuvi(&> 9 &c. &c. Speaking of Severianus, he tells us, thofe perfons are greatly miftaken, who attribute his death to the fword ; for he died of hunger. He chofc [j] Meaning, perhaps, the letters of Prifcus and Caffius to the Emperor Verus, in whofe reign the empire was at- tacked on almoft every fide. Verus himfelf went in, perfoa again it Vologefus, king of the Panhians, [?] In Media. this 366 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. this for him, it feems, as the eafieft death j not confidering at the fame time, that it was all over with him in three days; whereas there are few perhaps who could not have lived without food for a whole week. Unlefs it fhould be fuppofed, that Ofroes was to (land by in waiting till Severianus expired, who for that reafon was too complaifant to hold out any longer. I know not what to make, my friend Philo, of thofe hiflorians who adopt the lan- guage of poetry. [//] " Mighty was the cralh of the murmuring machine." " Down thun- dered the tumbling wall." Again, in another part of the celebrated work : " Edeffa rattling around with clanging arms, all was tumult, noile, and dreadful din." " The general was divided in his aim, nor knew how beft to ftorm the fated wall." Meanwhile in the very mid- [] Horn. II. A. 530. B. 3. 210. A. 504. Ponderous he falls ; his clanging arms refound ; Ami hia broad buckler riiigs againit the ground. Pope's Tranflation. He was a fvvinging fat fellow, and fell with almoft as much noife as a houfe. Kis to.bacco-box dropt at the fame time from his pocket. Tom Jones, B. IV. c. 8. die DIALOGUES OF L U C I A N. 367 die of all this grandeur, up pops the vileft word imaginable. Language fit for the uie of the loweft beggar, and only to be expected from the meaneft man alive, creeps into a niche of the fublime. " The corporal wrote a letter to his officer." " The foldiers bought belly-timber." " They warned, and were there in a crack." &c. &c. This motley flyle re- minds us of the player, one of whofe feet ftruts in a moft flately buikin, while the other is moft humbly tied in a fandal. Some there are who prefent us with fo very pompous and heroical a preface, extended to fo immoderate a length, that you cannot have the lead doubt of finding every .circumftance recorded with the greateil exadtneis in the body of the work; which, not with Handing, turns out to be an in- fignificant pitiful production, a child peeping through the mafk of a giant. On fuch an oc- cafion who can forbear applying the old Adage ? [x] The mountains were in labour, and have brought forth a moufe. In hiflory every thing [.v] The mountain in labour is now no more to be found in the tables of ./Efop. Mofes du Soul. Ihould 368 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. fhould have the fame complexion ; all fhould be of a piece. The head muft anfwer to the body, as the body to the head. After a golden helmet, who would not laugh to fee a breaft- plate compofed of rags and patches of rotten leather? Can our hero be well ihielded with twigs of willow, or well booted with hog fkin ? And yet, nothing is more common than to give to a dwarf the head of the [y~] Rhodian ColofTus. While on the contrary, you fome- times meet with a hiilory all body and no head, no preface, nothing to prepare you for the narration. Such authors have Xenophon and others of the ancients in their eye, whofe manner they imitate, as they think. Xe- [v] Every child can tell the ftory of the Colofius of Rhodes, which he has feen in a picture-flail ftriding over the mainmalt of a (hip. It was in height 105 feet. Chares Lyndius, a fcholar (an apprentice, I fuppoie) ot Lyfippu? , was the maker, who, afier working a dozen years upon it, finiihed it in the year before Chrift 278. After (landing 56 years it was thrown down by an earthquake, and lay proftrate till the year ofChrift 672, when Rhodes being taken by the Saracens, it was fold. Though no doubt it rauft have fuffered very confiderahle mutilations, there was then brafs enough of it left to load 900 camels, allowing to each camel 900 pounds weight, nophon, DIALOGUES Of LUCIA N. 369 hophon, you know, lets us into this fecret in his very firft line, that Darius and his wife Pa- ryfatis had two Tons. But Xenophon knew very well, though our authors do not, that there are certain circumftances, in the mention of which is included all that is effential to a pre- face, without making that appearance in the eyes of the undifcerning, as we lhall fliew pre- fently. But to tell fuch enormous untruths concerning the diftance and fituation of places, to make miftakes of whole parafangs and days journeys, what excufe can be alledged for this ? One gentleman has conducted his ftory in fo flovenly a manner, that he feems never to have had the advantage of conferring with [z] Syrus, nor to have been a member of the privy coun- cil held in a [a] barber's fhop. Speaking of the city Europus, he thus exprefles himfelf ; -, | and w^.ayix ^a>yf in Potter's Antiquities, vol. II. p. 58. ' [] Supposed to mean Jamblichus. fuch DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 379 fuch thing has happened, he makes us ac? quainted \vith the captivity of [] General Ofroes has been mentioned before. command L V C 1 A N. command of Caffius, the third Legion, the Celtae, and a fmall body of the Mauri. What they are to do there, and how they will fuftain the Ihock of the elephants, we lhall know in a little time, as foon as our admirable author lhall have time to fend us a letter from [q] Mufuris or [g] Oxydracae. In this pre* pofterous manner do thofe perfons continually babble, who never faw themfelves one fingle incident worth remembering ; and who, if they had, were utterly incapable of defcribing it to others. In reality they know nothing, but are always ready to rack their brains, if they had any brains to rack, in the production of whatever impertinence may be fuppofed to employ an idle tongue. Such authors take un- common pains to be orthodox in the [rj num- ber of their books, and are moft claffically nice in their titles ; which lafl are fometimes laugh- able enough. One gives us fo many books of the Parthian victories. Then, becaufe forfooth there is the [i] Atthis, we muft have books [tj~\ In India, on this fide the Ganges. [r] A childifhnefs from which even the author of Paradife was not exempt. Written by Philochorus. the DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 381 the firft and fecond of the Parthis. However* I have read an author, who outdoes them all* What other title, though ever fo fine, can com- pare with the Parthoniciks of Demetrius Sa- galaffenfis ? Believe me, I mention not fuch choice competitions merely for the fake of raifing a limile. I think them ufeful examples of what a writer fhould take care to avoid ; who, if he can keep clear of fuch faults as I have pointed out to him, will be in the way of doing fomething very confiderable towards writing welL Indeed he may be faid to enjoy almoft every advantage, if what the Diale&icks teach be true, that [/], of two things which have no medium, the removal of the one is the eftablilhment of the other. " Well now, you will fay to me, you have cleared the ground, cut down the briars and thorns, car- ried off the rubbim, and made all fmooth and level, let us fee what kind of an edifice you yourfelf are able to raife. You have ihewn [/} Of things without a medium life and death are an example; of things with a medium white and black. What- ever is not mortal is immortal. But, becaufe an author's coat is not black, it docs by no means follow, that therefore it Hiuil be white, yourfelf 382 DIALOGUES Of L tJ C I A k. ^Ourfelf a very brave fellow in demolifhing th6 works of others, it very well becomes you to exhibit afpecimen of your own, arid you would act prudently in producing fomething fo fu- per-excellent, that even Momus himfelf may have nothing to object to it." Then, Sir, I begin with obferving, that whoever wiihes to attain the dignity of a genuine hiflorian, mult not by any means whatever be unprovided with thefe two principal articles, political fa- gacity, and adequate powers of exprefling him- felf. The former, being the gift of nature^ cannot otherwife be obtained. But, by great labour and pains, and an unwearied affiduity in the fludy of the ancients, a great degree of eloquence may be acquired. It is obvious, that what is beyond the reach of art cannot be mended by any advice of mine. This little tract does not pretend to teach wifdom and difcernment where nature has denied them. If indeed that could be done, ho pains what- ever fhould be fpared to effect it. Who could grudge the expence of making gold out of lead, or filver out of tin ? Which would not be a talk more arduous and extraordinary than to 2 makfc ' DIALOGUES OF I. UCIAN. 383 make a [] Titormus of a [x~\ Conon, or a [j] Milo of a [z] Leotrophides. Art and de- fign cannot be fuppofed to create materials, but only to teach the proper ufe of them. Neither Iccus, nor Prodicus, nor Theon, nor any other learned profefibr of gymnaflicks, f] Titormus, according to ./Elian, was a fturdy cowherd, whom Milo, who was not a little vain of his own exploits, chanced to meet with, and challenged to make a trial of his Strength. Titormus modeftly obfei ved, that his ftrength was very inconfiderable. However, to oblige Milo, he pulled off his coat, and taking a huge {tone out of the river, played with it for fbme time on the ground, then raifed it to his knee ; afterwards to his fhoulders, carried it on his back about twenty yards, and then tolled it away. Milo mean- while could only itare, for he was fcarcely able to move it. Titormus then laid hold of two very ftrong and fierce bulls by their feet, which he held with the greateil eafe, one in each hand. Milo was fo confounded with this fecond proof of his ftrength, that he turned up the whites of his eyes : O Ju- piter, fays he, thou hart fent us a fecond Hercules ! .(Elian. V. H. xn. 22. Titormus v. as alfo not a little famous as a trencherman. [*] Conon, the Athenian general, we are to underftand, was a very little man in perfon. [y] The famous wreftler of Croton. [z] A diminutive mortal mentioned by Ariftophanes. Op?j;, 1406. could 384 J>* A L O CUE S OF L U C I A N* could ever think of making [# j Perdiccas art Olympick champion, fit to contend with Theagenes the Thafian, or Polydamas, the \_b] Scotuffaean. They could do no more than undertake, where nature had not been want- ing, to dired: her efforts by the fuperaddition of art ; of an art, the difcovery of which were I to claim, I fhould not prefume to make any fuch invidious promife, as that of taking the firft man that offers, and metamorphofing him into an hiftorian : at moft I undertake to fay, that, if a man has a natural turn for elo* quence, and will take pains to improve his faculties, I can put him into a way more eafily and m6re expeditioufly to attain that which he aims at. You will not alfert, that, where there is genius, tBereTs" "noticed of inftruclion ; lince you might as well fay, that a man may become a very good harper, or piper, with- [a] It is ufelefs to inform the Engliih reader, that two or three lines here in the original are not tranflated, being evi- dently an interpolation from the marginal note of fome tran- fcriber, wifhing to fatisfy himfelf who this Perdiccas could be. [] ScotufTu was a town of Macedonia, on the river Neflus j but as to the champions, or their inftru&ors, this annotator has nothing to fay. out DIALOGUES OF LtfCIAN. out ever learning to play on either inftrumeat; or that, in ihort, not to mince the matter, an uni- verfal fcholar may become fuch without any ftudy or education whatever. Experience, how- ever, fufficiently Ihews, that nothing of the kind can be effected without a regular intro- duction and proper training. But only fupply genius with tools for exercife, and practice foon makes perfect. Give me fuch a difciple as is not only quick to difccrn, but apt to exprefs his ideas ; whofe penetration is fuch as would enable him to manage and direct real bufinefs, were he appointed to it ; who has a turn for military as well as civil affairs, a mind inform- ed by general experience and obfervation; in ihort, one who has actually lived in a camp, and been converfant with every poflible fitua- tion and difcipline of an army. Let him be well acquainted with the feveral pieces of ar- mour, and variety of machines made ufe of in war, and thoroughly inftructed in the meaning of technical terms. He muft underftand the advantages to be refpectively derived from every feparate form, order, movement, and manoeuvre of an army. Upon the whole, he fhould be fuch an one as is fit for fomething elfe belides VOL. II. B b fitting 386 DIALOGUES OF LUCIA Is*, fitting by a fire-fide, and Mening with open 1 mouth to other men's lies. Above all other things, I would have him to be a man of the moft liberal fentiments, who has nothing to hope or to fear from any one. Otherwife our hiftorian would not be a whit better than the mercenary judge, who acquits or condemns jufl as he happens to be paid. He is not to be affet- ed with the lofs of Philip's eye at the fiege of Olynthus [/], by the arrow of After; but to- [<] The lofs of Philip's eye is mentioned by hiftoiians as having happened at the fiege of IVIethene, where a citizen cf Atnphipolis,. named After, offered him his fervice?, declaring himfelf fo expert an archer, that he could hit the fmalieft bird flying. Philip thanked him very kindly, and told him he ihould be glad of fuch an auxiliary, when he had a war with the fwallows. The man was fo offended with this anfwzr, that he threw himfelf into the place, and immediately let fly n:i arrow, with this infcription, " For Philip's right eye," which eye was accordingly pierced by it. Philip returned the ar- row, with another infcription, " If Philip take the town, her will hang up After f and havi'ng taken the town, he was as good as his- word. After this untou-ard accident, whoever unfortunately mentioned a Cyclops in the prefence of Philip was fure of giving that prince the greateft offence. Pliny informs us, that, to conceal a like defedt in the face of king Anrigonus, A ptlles drew him in profile. If Philip's painter was not equally polite, it was becaufe he did not know his own intereft. Plin. XXXV. 10. defcribe DIALOGUES OF LUCIA N. 387 defcribe him with all his imperfections on his head. He is not to be intercfted in the feelings of Alexander, who fo cruelly murdered Clitus at an entertainment, but clearly to make known his character. Let. not the noify Cleon, who domineers on the bench, deter him, from af- firming, that the [d] youth of Pella was a mif- chievous madman. Nor fhould the whole flate of Athens biafs him in relating their loffes fuf- tained in Sicily, the [Y] captivity of Demofthe- nes, and the [] exact ; that it may ex- [j>] xft TO xlfoir, exaft in the centre. It is not very cafy to find out what is meant by this expreffion. Many conjectures have therefore been hazarded with refpe& to the forrr, fafhion, and exigence of fpeculums amongft the ancients. Of their exiftence there is as little doubt, as that the moderns have afcribed to their own invention many things which arc ' not properly fo. Any polifhed body impervious to the ray of light is a mirror. A calm fea, if we may believe the poets, affords a very convenient toilet for ao overgrown beau. hibit DIALOGUES OF LUCIA ff. 397 hibit things in their proper forms, and Ihew them fuch as they really are, without any per- verfion or variation either in colour or figure. His bufinefs is very different from that of the orator : he is in pofTeflion of his fa " 'n ^ UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY Los Angeles This book is DUE on the last date stamped below. U>Uftt MAY