IPR
3379
C3s
Cowley
A School for Greybeards
THE LIBRARY
OF
THE UNIVERSITY
OF CALIFORNIA
LOS ANGELES
SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS 5
OR, THE
MOURNING'BRIDE:
A
C O M E D Y,
IN FIVE ACTS.
AS PERFORMED AT THE
THEATRE ROYAL, DRURY - LANE.
I
BY MRS. C O W L E Y.
LONDON:
PRINTED FOR G. G. J. AND J. ROBINSON, PATER-
NOSTER-ROW.
MDCCLXXXVI.
[Price One Shilling and Six-pence.]
PR
337?
A N
:
D D R E S S.
1 OFFER the following Comedy to the
public, under a circumftance which has
given my mind the moft exquitite uneafinefs.
On the morning after the firft reprefentation,
it was obferved by the papers that there had
been perfons prefent at the Theatre the pre-
ceding evening, who went there determined to
difapprove at all events. From fuch a de-
termination it is hard indeed to efcape ! And
the oppofition intended, was j unified it feems,
by the indecency of fome of the expreflions.
From fuch a charge I feel it impoffible to
defend myfelf; for againftan imputation like
this, even vindication becomes difgraceful !
A 2 As
1353492
As I was not at the Theatre, I fliould have
had fome difficulty in underftanding at what
paflages the objections were levelled, had not
one of the papers recorded them, with many
cruel remarks. The particulars which were
thus pointed out, will, I truft, be a fufficient
apology for themfelves. In the following
pages they are all reftored ; that the public
AT LARGE may have the power to adjudge
me, as well as that fmall part of it, confined
within the walls of a Theatre.
Thefe paiTages have not been reftored from
any pertinacious opinion of their beauty
for other expreffions might have conveyed my
intention as well; but had I allowed one line
to ftand as altered for the ftage, what might
not that reprobated line have been fuppoled
to exprefs ? I mrink from the idea ! And
therefore mod folemnly aver, that the Comedy,
as now printed, contains EVERY WORD which
was oppofed the firfl night, from the fufpicion
of indelicacy -, hoping their obvious meaning
only will be attended to, without the coarfe
ingenuity of drained explanations 3 which
have
have been made, by perfons who feem defirous
to furround my talk of dramatic writing, with
as many difficulties as poffible.
A celebrated Critic, more attended to for
the difcrimination and learning which appear
in his ftridures, than for their lenity ; in his
obfervations on the Greybeards, has the fol-
lowing.
" When Mrs. Cowley gets pofleffion of
" the fpirit and turn of a character, fhe
" fpeaks the language of that character better
*' than any of her dramatic cotemporaries."
This, I confefs, I hold to be very high
praife ; and it is to this very praife, which
my cotemporaries refolve I (hall have no
claim. They will allow me, indeed, to draw
ftrong character, but it muft be without
(peaking its language. I may give vulgar or
low bred perfons, but they muft converfe in
a ftile of elegance. I may defign the coarfeft
manners, or the mod diigufting folly, but its
expreffions muft net deviate from the line of
politenefs.
politenefs. Surely it would be as juft to exact
from the Artifts who are painting the Gallery
of Shakefpeare, that they fhould compleat
their defigns without the ufe of light and
fhade.
It cannot be the Poefs mind, which the
public defire to trace, in dramatic reprefenta-
tion j but the mind of the characters, and
the truth of their colouring. Yet in my cafe
it feems refolved that the point to be con-
fidered, is not whether that dotard, or that
pretender, or that coquet, would fo have given
their feelings, but whether Mrs. Cowley
oiight fo to have exprefled herfelf.
This is a criterion which happily no author
is fubjedted to, but thofe of the drama.
The Novelift may ufe the boldeft tints ;
feizing Nature for her guide, he may dart
through every rank of fociety, drag forth
not only the accomplimed, but the ignorant,
the coarfe, and the vulgar-rich ; difplay them
in their ftrongeft colours, and fnatch immor-
tality both for them, and for herfelf ! I, on
the
the contrary, feel encompafled with chains
when I write, which check me in my hap-
pieft flights, and force me continually to re-
fled:, not, whether this is jujl ? but, whether
this isfafe ?
Thefe are vain regrets, which I hope my
readers will pardon me, for having a moment
indulged. I now haflen to that part of the
Comedy which will be found in the following
meets, as altered for the fecond reprefentation.
The idea of the bufinefs which concerns
Antonia, Henry, and Gafper was prefented
to me in an obfolete Comedy ; the work of
a poet of the drama, once highly celebrated.
I fay the iaea, for when it is known that in
the original the fcene lay amongft traders in
the city of London and thofe traders of the
loweft and moft deteftable manners, it will
be conceived at once, that in removing it to
Portugal, and fixing the characters amongil
the nobility, it was hardly pofllble to carry
with me more than the idea. The circum-
flance which mod particularly interefled me,
6 and
and fixed itfelf in my mind, was that of
fnatching a young woman from a hateful
marriage, the moment before that marrige
became valid that is to fay, after the cere-
mony. This very circumftance to which the
Comedy owes its exiflence, was that, which
fome of the audience found difcordant to
their feelings. An event which had in the
laft century been flampt with the higheft
applaufe, (tho' furrounded by many repulfive
circumflances) was found in this, to be ill-
conceived. I did not, however, difpute the
decifion of my Critics, and the marriage
has been in courfe dhTolved.
The manner in which the Comedy has
fince been received, gives room* to fuppofe
that the alteration is approved. It has ftruggled
with many oppreffive circumflances : the
chafm in the performance, occafioned by the
repeated illnefs of Mr. Parfons, was fufficient
to have funk it j but neither that, nor the
ilerile month of December, always again/I
the Theatres, has prevented its being dif-
tinguimed by many brilliant and crouded
nights.
nights. I now refign it to the clofet, where
without the aid of fine acting, or the fafci*
nations of beauty, and deriving all its little
force from the pen which compofed it, it
hopes ftill to amufe j-*the innocent flame of
Seraphina's coquetry may {till ihed rays of
delight on her readers, and the affecting fitu-
ation of Antonia intereft them.
H. COWLBY.
PRO-
PROLOGUE.
By MR. C O B B.
SPOKEN BY MR. BANNISTER, JUN.
JTROLOGUES, like mirrors, which opticians place
In their fhop windows, to reflect each face
That pafles by flill mark how fafhion varies j
Reflecting Ton in all her wild vagaries :
P6int out when hats and caps are large or fmall,
And regifter when collars rife or fall.
Caricature the fafhionable hobby ;
And tell if boots or fhoe-ftrings grace the lobby :
Nay, bolder grown, have fought for your applaufe,
With many a naughty joke on cork and gauze.
Yet howfoe'er the faucy comic mufe
Delights fantaftic fafhion to abufe,
From pert Thalia's wit let's try to fave her,
And fee what can be faid in fafhion's favour.
How many own immortal Handel's fway,
Since fafhion to the Abbey led the way !
There taking long neglected nature's part,
She hail'd him Shakefpeare of th' harmonic art.
Jn vain had warbled Galatea's woe,
If fafhion had not bid the tear to flow.
* Hailftones and fire" had fpent their rage in vain ;
You might as well have heard a ftiower of rain.
Bat now, awaken'd to his magic fong,
Folks wonder how the deuce they've flept fo long.
3r HJS
[ xi ]
Mis tortur'd airs, all voices made to fuit,
His chorufles adapted for a flute.
Hand organ, hurdygurdy, tambourine ;
In Handel's praife all join the general din.
When Mifs is teiz'd to fmg by every gueft ;
And fond Mamma, too, joining with the reft,
Cries, " Get the new guittar Papa has bought you j
Play the laft lefTon Mr. Tweedle taught you."
Mils hems fcnd fimpers- feigns a cold of courfe ;
After the ufual " Dear Sir, I'm fo hoarfe,"
Inftead of a cotillon from her book,
Where favour'd Handel triumphs o'er Malbrouk.
By way of prelude to the charming fquall,
Thrums like a minuet the March in Saul.
Papa too, who a connoifleur now grows,
Accompanies divinely- with his nofe.
Since raufic is fo univerfal grown, ~
Shall not our Mourning Bride its influence own ?
Sure 'tis the wifli of ev'ry female breaft^
That harmony may foothe her.oares to reft.
Guided by harmony's enchanting laws,
Her fweeteft mufic will be your applaufe.
D R
DRAMATIS PERSONS.
Don Alexis, - -
Don Gafper, - -
Don O&avio -
Don Henry, - -
Don Sebaftian, ~
Donna Seraphina,
Donna Antonia, -
Donna Viola,
Donna Clara,
Rachel, - - -
Cartola, - - -
- Mr. KING.
- Mr. PARSONS.
- Mr. PALMER.
- Mr. KEMBLE.
- Mr. BANNISTER, Jun.
- Mifs FARREN,
- Mrs. CROUCH.
- Mrs. B RE RET ON.
- Mrs. CUYLER.
- Mrs. WRIGHTEN.
- Mrs. WILSON.
Bride Maids, Ladies, Servants, &c.
SCENE, Portugal,
SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
OR, THE
MOURNING BRIDE,
ACT I.
SCENE, An Apartment at Don Sebaftian's.
Enter two Servants, on oppofite fides.
Pedrillo.
O O our Matter is drefiing, to dine with Don Gaf-
per to-day, previous to the wedding ceremony.
Jaquez. Yes Gad the bride will be well
match'd ! there's hardly a richer man in Lifbon.
Pedrillo. Well married you mean ; as to the
match, you might have made a better, between a
canary bird and a jack-a-lantern. Sixty-five and
eighteen, is a union full as vapoury and unna-
tural.
B Jaquez.
2 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
Jaquez. Now you have done it! Prithee who
can that ftranger be, fo muffled up, without ?
Pcdrillo. I know not he takes as much pains
to hide his face, as tho' he had ftol'n it.
Jaquez. Silly ! ftol'n faces are always (hewn off
the raoft boldly; witnefs our Ladies, after they
have been robbing the rouge pots. But as to this
ftranger! he fays he comes from our Mafter's
friend, Don Henry.
Pedrillo. Hah! does he fo ? What that Don
Henry who was obliged to fly, for having fought a
duel?
Jaquez. The fame. Hang me if I'd be playing
at hide-and-feek in foreign lands, for drawing a
little blood. I'd go boldly to court, and afk to
fpeak to the Queen's Majefty, and fall upon my
knees, and fay
Pedrillo. Hift ; here comes Don Sebaftian.
(Enter Sebaftian.)
Here is a ftranger waiting without Sir.
Selaf. Who is he ?
Pedrillo. Truly, Sir, I can't difcover. I have
queftion'd and crofs queftion'd him to no purpofe
he's as dexterous at fhifting an anfwer, as
tho' he was fofter-brother to a lawyer.
Jaquez. But he fays, Sir, he came from Don
Henry, he who was oblig'd to fly his country for
challenging the
Sebaj. Hah ! Where is he ? (going to the wing]
No, bring him hither bring him inftantly ! The
brave unfortunate Don Henry ! This hour will
be to him, the heavieft of his life. (lie enters)
Welcome, Sir! the friend of Don Henry cannot
find a houfe in Portugal, where he would be
more joyfully received.
'3 . Henry.
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 3
Henry. \Vhat, Sir! dare you thus receive the
friend of a banifh'd man ? of a man, who were
he feen in Lifbon, would have his head claimed
the next hour, by the executioner ? If thus you can
receive his friend, how will you receive himfelf ?
(Throwing open his cloak.}
Sebaf. In my arms, and in my heart! I re
no, I do not rejoice. Oh Don Henry, what im-
' prudence ! How dare you venture hither before
your pardon has been obtained ?
Henry. Could you fuppofe the intelligence of
Antonia's marriage, would fuffer me to reft in any
other fpot, that the proud fun vifits ? Had I been
beneath the zone from whence he pours his broadeft
rays, or in the dufky regions of Cimmeria, fuch
intelligence muft have impell'd me hither !
Sebaf. And to what purpofe ? Surely this is a
fort of Ouixotifm, that muft end, like the fub-
lime Knight's contention with the windmills.
Henry. I care not how it ends. The difpleafure
of my fovereign, and my heart torn by the in-
gratitude of the woman on whom it doats the
fooner the end approaches, the better !
Sebaf.- I am not now to learn, how hard it is, to
ft em the torrent of your paffions yet if you would
be patient, all might be well. At leaft I truft fo;
tho' my vifit to England, at that period, prevented
my knowing precifely the ground of your quarrel.
Henry. Quarrel ! (with contempt} Do you then
fufpecl it was a fray in which I fought; or that
my fword is drawn in tavern brawls ; or to fup-
port the infolence, or perfidy of an abandoned
wanton? Duels of that fort, a foldier ftoops not
to!
Sebaf. Pray then inform
B 2 Henry.
4 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
Henry. I fought to punifli the flanderer of him,
who taught me how to fight the brave D'Almeida ;
that once conquering hero !
Sebaf. 1 knew him well.
Henry. 'Twas he firft plac'd a fword upon my
youthful thigh ; and drawing forth the burnifh'd
blade, never my Henry, faid the hoary general
" never be its luftre ftain'd, except to
ferve your king, or vindicate your friend ! Thefe
are the outlines of a foldier's duty ; - --would you
be a perfeci foldier ? Labour to be an exemplary
man !" with that fword 1 thank it ! (holding
his fword t and bending over it) I puniih'd his
traducer !
Sebaf. Surely you cannot doubt of pardon.
Henry. But, whilft I wait for pardon in another
kingdom, my Antonia's loft oh !
Sebaf. Is (he not already loft ?
Henry. No, (he is not and by heaven {he fhall
not! She's my contracted wife; no power on
earth can make her another's, whilft I live.
Sebaf. All this, my friend, only proves the bit-
ter excefs of your difappointment have you any
fettled fcheme ?
Henry. 1 have. At Madrid it chanc'd that Don
Julio, nephew to old Gafper my rival, conceived
a warm attachment for me. From him I learnt
the news of this abhorr'd marriage- the agonies it
threw me in, he compaffionated; and formed a
fcheme, which wears a face of fuccefs.
Sebaf. Alas! it is well, but pray go on.
Henry. Learning that my perfon was unknown
to Don Gafper, whofe retired life throws him out
of all public circles, Julio conceived the refolution
to make me pafs for himfelf.
Sebaf.
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 5
Sebaf. You to pafs for Don Gafper's nephew
well !
Henry. With this view he pretended an ardent
defire to vifit- Portugal. His father has in courfe
written to Don Gafper ; we both arrived laft night,
and Julio has given me the letter, which will fix
me in the houfe of my rival ; to prevent, by what-
ever means that may offer themfelves, the defign
upon my honour the robbery of my wife !
Sebaf. My dear unhappy Henry, fummon your
fortitude whilft I tell you, that Don Julio's friend-
mip, united with your own temerity, cannot fave
your honour if your honour is to be wounded
by (Jhaking his head.}
Henry. What's that ? oh fpeak Sebaftian my
apprehenfions choak me !
Sebaf. I cannot give found to words fo cruel
but fly, and fave that life, which if you are dif-
covered here, muft be forfeited.
Henry. Hah I underftand you (he's married !
fhe's married ! Antonia is another's ! Oh, Sebaf-
tian let me breathe ! (throwing himfelf on
Sebaftian.}
Sebaf. Courage man ! if you would but fwear a
little now, and give all the fex, black, brown, and
yellow, to the devil, I fliould have fome riopes of
you.
Henry. Oh!
Sebaf. There's no bearing this ! a fine Doling
fellow yielding himfelf to defpair, at the very mo-
ment his perfidious miftrefs is giving herfelf to
another ! This very day fhe weds Don Gafper..
Henry. This very day faid'ft thou ? oh, fpeak it
again Sebaftian blefs me with the found! is it
this very day ?
Sebaf. Alas ! he's mad.
Henry.
6 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
Henry. Oh/ no; if it be but this day, there yet
are hopes. -
Sebaf. She is now in the houfe of your rival.
According to the cuftom of our country, (lie this
morning went there, attended hy her bride-maids ;
and in the evening old Gafper receives her vows.
Henry. They are mine ! in the face of heaven,
and before witneffes they are mine ; if fhe has
given them to another they cannot be valid, but
by my affent. I'll fly inftantly to the houfe
(going.)
Sebaf. Nay, fuffer me to attend you ; for tho' I
have dear and tender cares of my own, I (hall
fcarcely be awake to them, whilft my friend is in
fuch ganger !
Don Henry. Oh, Sebaflian ! the blifs or mifery
of all my years to come, muft be determined be-
fore the approaching night hath told out half its
hours. The enterprize is difficult is full of
danger ! but what danger can be formidable to a
wretch, who, precipitated on a gulph, muft leap it,
or be loft ? [Exeunt.
SCENE changes to Don Gafper's.
He enters^ meeting Rachel.
Don Gaffer. Well Rachel, how is my little
girl ? how is the bride ? Are her fpirits got up ?
What does (he do ? What does me fay ?
Rachel. Oh lord, Sir, (he fays but little; and
as to doing, a half ftifled figh pops out now and
then, or elfe fhe's as ftill as an ivory ftatute.
Don Gafp. Statute ! but why don't you talk to
her then, Mrs. Statute ; and tell ner how happy
fhe
CR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 7
fhe is ? You mould fay d'ye fee ma'am what a fine
houfe you are miftrefs of? d'ye fee ma'am how
many fervants are at your command ? and this
rich cafket of jewels ma'am, which my mafter pre-
fents to you how many ladies will envy you thefe
jewels ! Did not her eyes fparkle when fhe found
e'm on her toilet ?
Rachel. No, Sir; but they glitter'd for there
was a tear in each.
Don Gafp. Tear ! ay tears of joy, to be fure !
RacheL The bride-maids and the reft of the
ladies endeavour'd all they could to divert her,
but to no purpofe fo I up, and faid fays I,
laws ! ma'am, you are the happieft lady in Portugal.
My mafter is the moft agreeableft man for aa
old- I mean a middle-aged gentleman that was
the word indeed, Sir! for a middle-aged gentle-
man in all the world. He's never out of temper,
nor peevifh, except when he has got the gout,
Don Gafp. Pmaw !
Rachel. Then fays I, Ma'am, as to wrinkles
Lord, what fignifies minding a few wrinkles: 1
Why, in forty years, Ma'am, you'll be as wrink-
ley as he is.
Don Gafp. What the devil did you talk to her
of wrinkles for ? Wrinkles ! to be fura I have the
crow's feet about my eyes; but many -men have
them before they are thirty.
Rachel. That's true. Then fays I, as to my
Mafter's teeth, Ma'am, they are as white, and
even, and polifh'd ay, as your Ladylhip's!
And fo they are you know, Sir they have been
home but a fortnight.
Don.Gafp. Zounds! Gejt into the kitchejr, and
go near your Lady no more. Was there ever
fuch a ftupid chattering
Rachel.
8 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
Rachel. It's nuts to me to fling him, for I pity
the poor young creature from my foul. [Exit.
Don. Gafp. I don't know whether it is ftupidity
or archnefs in the wench I am afraid me means
to laugh at me. Hang me if I would have mar-
ried at all, if my fon would have married ; but
families muft be kept up ; and nothing can per-
fuade that young dog into the trammels he'd ra-
ther turn monk than turn to matrimony. (Enter
fervant) Well, you faw your Lady, honeft Peter ?
Peter. Yes, Sir.
Don Gafp. Ah well well isn't me a pretty
tight thing ? Look in the garden there fhe trips
there fhe trips.
Peter. With fubmiffion, Sir, I wifli the trip
may'nt have been your's. I am afraid this mar-
riage is one of the falfeft fteps your worfhip ever
made. And here's my young mafter I am out,
if he does not think fo too, for all he looks fo full
of fpirits.
Don Gafp. What care I for what your young
mafter thinks, or you either, you old
[Exitfervant.
(Enter Oaavio.)
O&avio. Joy to yon, Sir ! joy on this feftive
morn ! but by the way it is very ill drefs'd for a
bridal morrv the fame dufky blue it has worn
this fortnight ; nor has the fun been at the expence
of one ray extraordinary ! All nature mould have
been in gala, on fuch an event as your nuptials.
But where is my mother ? I came eagerly to
pay my duty.
Don Gafp. Mother ! Gad it will look odd, to
fee fuch a ftrapper as you, call her mother.
Oftavio.
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 9
Otfavio. Shall it be mamma, Sir ?
Don Gafp. No. Madam that's grave -and
comely. Madam has a diftant found in it you
(hall call her madam. But inftead of coming du-
tifully to congratulate me Sir, why did you not
dutifully marry yourfelf ?
Ottavio. Faith, Sir, of all the duties fate has
impofed upon a man, I think that the hardeft.
Don Gafp. 'Tis an imposition that fome hundred
dozen of your great-gran dfires, as wife and as
witty as your worfhip, have fubmitted to.
Oftavio. 'Tis devilifli ftrange, that it was necef-
fary for fo many great men to play the fool, to
bring me into exiftence !
Don Gafp. There's Don Alexis d'Alva has been
half mad to give you his daughter ever fince
your return from Italy.
OElavio. Ay; had I had the grace to humour
him, Sir, how happy for your fair Antonia ! She
might have become at the fame moment a virgin
bride, and a grandmamma. (Drawling.}
Don Gafp. Pfhaw nonfenfe !
Ottavio. However, Sir, let her not defpair (he
may hope for the honour of being a grand-mother
yet. I refufed the daughter of Don Alexis, with-
out having feen her; but now that I have feen her,
I think I could venture to exchange my dear
prized liberty, for captivity with her.
Don. Gafp. Say you fo my boy ? Its the happieft
news that I have heard. But where could you
fee her ? for Don Alexis is fo nicely jealous,
that if his (lone walls had eyes, he'd never fuffer
either his wife or daughter to unveil before
them.
Oflavio. I faw her at church with her father.
The fermon was on Chriftian charity, and to fhew
C how
10 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS}
how well {he could illuftrate the doclrine, fhe lifted
her veil on that fide next me for fhe faw me
hungering, and thirfting, for a view.
Don Gafp. Memorandum My wife never goes
to church.
Oclavio. You fhock me, Sir What is my
dear mamma to turn heathen ?
Don GaJ'p. No, Sir I'll read homilies to her,
and (he mall have prayers at home.
Enter Servant.
Serv. Don Alexis de Alva, Sir, is come to pay
his compliments to you on your wedding.
Ottdvio. J Tis a happy prefage ! Pray recom-
mend my fuit Sir, and in the mean time I'll go
and afk bleffing of the young lady in -the garden.
[fxit.
Enter Don Alexis.
Don Alexis. So my old friend, you're going to do
a wife deed to day ; Soloman and the child was
nothing to it ! Give ye joy I give ye joy !
Don Gajp. You have a happy knack in your ci-
vilities. You wifh me joy, as tho' you hoped it
would be forrow ; and congratulate with an air of
reproach.
Don Alexis. Air of a fiddle-Hick's end! Why
didn't ye afk my advice ? Could any body have
given ye better ? Have I not done the fame thing
have I not made an old afs of myfelf, by mar-
rying a girl ?
: Don Gajp. Nev.cr mind that, if your girl does
not transform your afs-fhip's ears to horns.
Don Alexis. Ay, that's a blefled fear to be
goaded with, in the laft -ftage of one's mortal jour-
ney !
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. n
ney ! I wifh the day I left my bed to marry, I
had been confined in it with a gout, an afthma,
and a dropfy. Oons man, there's no end of your
plagues from this moment !
Don Gafp.. Pray keep your temper now keep
your temper. Tis a very bad one ; but pray keep
it however !
Don. Alexis. Why, you'd find it eafier to fpin
cables out of cobwebs; or to pierce thro' the
earth, and fwim out at the Antipodes, than to
manage a young rantipole wife, and lo your fer-
vant I give ye joy much good may it do you.
[going.
Don Gafp. Stay, flay, a moment, man! and
tell me which is the greateft torment, a young
wife, or daughter ?
Don Alexis. Oh lord! whys a daughter is ^a
feventh day ague, and a wife is a frenzy fever.
Don Gafp. Well, come, I'll recommend ye a
phyfician for your ague,
Don Alexis. A phyfician What d'ye mean ?
Don Gafp. Why a lover to take your daughter
off your hands.
Don Alexis. Who'll be the bold man to do that?
Don Gafp. An impudent young rafcal fix feet
and a half high; who upon fuch authority as
hufbands are obliged to take, calls me fathe-r; if
you like it, he may calljyou fo.
Don Alexis. What Oclavio ! Will he be my
do6lor ! Oclavio marry my daughter! But per-
haps this is a wedding day joke of yours, old
Signor ! Gad you'll find this day's work no joke
believe me.
- Don Gafp. If its a joke you have it but at
fecond hand; the original inventor is now in the
C 2 houfe,
12 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
houfe, and has juft defired me to employ all my
intereft in his favour.
Don Alexis. Intereft let him life his own in-
tereft bid him come. Oh the flout rogue !-^-
Your intereft ! you have no more than a corkcutter
with an archbimop. Bid him come, I fay ! I'll
hurry home and prepare rny daughter. Ay*
ay, let boys and girls marry, my old friend, but
as for well I'll fay no more-*-much good may it
do ye ! [Exit.
Don Gafp. By Saint Jeffery the old fellow has
made me feel chilly upon the bufinefs ! What
brought him here to throw cold water upon all rny
ardors, and all the pretty little loves that were
fpringing up, and warming the Lapland region
about my heart. In one's wintry age thofe gleams
require to be cherim'd, and not Gad I'll go to
little Tony the baggage has never yet given me
one kifs; the warm touch of her lips will be an
antidote to his cold poifon, or I'm (going.)
Enter Servants.
Serv. Sir, here's one Don Julio from Spain.
Don Gafp. Hey !
Serv. Your worfhip's nephew, Sir, from Ma-
drid. He has brought you a letter from his father,
Don Henriques ; and defires you'll admit him to
pay his duty.
Don Gafp. Hah ! my own fifter's fon my poor
Olivia's boy, of whom' (he died in childbed.' Let
him come in. (Don Henry introduced.} My dear
nephew, why I am as glad to fee thee as if how
doft do ? Grown tip a man ! dear, dear, how time
flips ! Twas but yefterday that your mother came
out of the Convent to be married. Like her
too
R, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 13
too very like her indeed ! Well, and how doit
do Julio ? how is thy father ?
Don Henry. Don Henriques was well, Sir, when
I left Madrid that letter will inform you of his
wifhes. Scarcely can I contain my feelings ! I am
now under the roof with the perfidious Antonia
and this wretch will call her his -wife, ! Let him be-
ware how he ihews the flighteft fondnefs! by
heaven if he mould
Don Gafp. Ay, very well very well.. Your
father defires you may be receiv'd as my gueft;
and adds, that you are of a remarkable fober fen-
ous turn. I am glad of it Julio never be wild
my boy ! I fuppofe you can fee a pretty woman
without wifhing her hufband at the devil ; or en-
deavouring to perfuade her, that you are a finer
fellow than he is.
Don Henry. Thofe are not my habits, Sir.
Don Gafp. I believe ye there's fomething in
your look that confirms what you fay. Well you
are come in happy time you are going to have
a new aunt I'll, prefent ye to her. But (he is
very rigid; Remember that! fhe'll expec\ ye
to treat her with the mod dijlant refpecl. She's
not fo young as me looks; no no a fedate
perfon. Some women will look young in fpite of
years.
Don Henry. True, Sir; as fome men will be
fools in fpite of wrinkles.
Don Gafp. Ay, you are right nephew 'tis a
vile foolifh age ! Now I'll carry ye to your aunt
hah, here Ihe comes ; but not fo pretty a wo-
man I affure you, when examined ; as at the firft
glance fome women ftrike at firft, you know-
Dow Henry. (Afide) Hypocritical flanderer \
How {hall I contain my emotions ? (Antonia enters
with
14 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
with ladies) Hah ! fhe doth not look happy fome
confolation to my rack'd heart !
Don Ga/p. Come deary, cheer up, cheer up !
What all thefe trinkets, and rich laces, and finery,
not brighten ye ? Had you married a young fel-
low, he'd have made you no fuch prefents his
money would have been lavifh'd on his miftreffes
I'll keep no miftrefles ; no naughty women fhall
feduce thy nown old man.
Antonia. (AJideJ Naufeous! Oh Clara, my fate
feemsto open on me at this moment with a horror
I never yet conceived !
Clara. Tis a moment too late fwect coufin !
You have fubmitted to your fate , think now how
to make your fate fubmit to you.
Gajp. Out, out, no whiipering till you grow
old enough to turn backbiters ! Now call up your
fmiles (patting Antonia 's cheek), and your pretty
roguifh leers ! Come ladies your fpirits, your wit f
I thought every woman was happy on a wedding-
day, whether 'twas her own or her neighbour's.
Lady. The bride's penfivenefs infeds us, Sir.
Mirth feems to be impertinent.
Antonia. Oh pardon me ! Were my fpirits obe-
dient to my wifhcs, your reproach would have
been undeferved; but tho' we can determine how
to aft t I find we cannot determine how to fed.
Don Ga/p. Feel, feel ! When I was a youngfter,
women had no fuch word in their vocabulary.
Can't you leave your feelings alone ? Nevermind
'em ; and then like neglecled guefts they'll be in
no hurry to repeat their vifits. I have not re-
garded my feelings many years ; and now they
have learnt manners, and don't interrupt me.
Don Henry. (Afzde) Not one chance look this
way !
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 15
way ! and yet I can forgive the fweet averted
eye, becaufe it fpeaks difguft to all around her.
Antonio,. You know the caufe I have for forrow,
and have allowed it; yet my penfivenefs ought
not to throw a weight upon the day ; I will be
better.
Don Gafp. Yes, yes, we fhall be as happy, and
as faithful as two turtle-doves fhan't we, Pet ?
Antonia. I hope to prove my duty, Sir. He
never afk'd my love ! (ajide.)
Don. Gafp. Ud ! I had forgot here, here's
a nephew of mine a nephew of yours now ; pray
receive him. Don Julio Cavallo.
(She curtfies -without regarding him.)
Don Henry, (afide] Where then is the fecret
fympathy of love, which mould inftrucl: her that
her Henry's near ? She JJiall obferve me. May
this day be happy to you, lady ; and to him, whom
jaioft you wifli to blefs !
(Shejlarts at his voice, looks, and JJirieks.)
Don Gafp. Heyday little Pet, what ails ye ?
vrhy do you ftart and fhriek ? he's my own flefh
and blood.
' Antonia. Surprize, Sir. Your nephew fo milch
he fo much refembles
Don Gafp. Ay, like me, mayhap you think. J
believe there is a family likenefs, but that need
not have feared you fo.
Antonia. No, Sir, it was not that his refem-
blance is to to a moft belov'd relation, whom
I have loft.
Don Gafp. Oh, what your coufin I fuppofe ;
that fine young man who went to Mexico, and
was drown'd ay, poor fellow he was drown'd !
Antonia. Were Don Henry living, I mould be-
lieve the ftranger him ; but oh 'tis impoffible
the
16 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
the grave will not give back its prey ; no, not to
agonizing love !
Don Gafp. Come, come, little Pudfey, what d'ye
cry for ? your coufin that was drown'd, went to
Mexico to make his fortune, did'nt he ?
dntonia. Yes, Sir.
Don GaJ'p. Well, he got his end there what
would you have ? Come, let us go to the mufic-
room. There you, who have huibands, will find
them ; and you who have none, may make fnare$
for them. Come, Pet ! (leading her] you are al-
ready fnared ; and egad ! he muft look fharp who
gets you out of my net.
(Exeunt all but Don Henry.) -
Don Henry. Yes I will look fharp, and get her
out of thy net, clofely as thou haft entangled her.
(Donna Clara returns, and twitches his arm.)
Donna Clara. Turn, young man, I pray ! (he
Jlarts) Good Don Julio, tell Don Henry we did
not expecl to find him in mafquerade to grace An-
Ionia's nuptials.
Don Henry. I am difcover'd then Oh Donna
Clara ! your faithlefs coufm.
Donna Clara. Faithlefs, has me been ?
Don Henry. Is me not this day to be married ?
Donna Clara. Truly I think fo, Signor, or I arn
not a bridemaid; but how far faithlefs I know
not for I return'd from Arragon laft night, after
more than a year's abfence. We met but an hour
fince in the church, nor have we yet had time for
converfation.
Don Henry. Then I entreat you let this dif-
covery reft with yourfelf. It is of the laft im-
portance to me, that I mould not be known to
Don Gafper ; and at prefent, I would be equally
concealed from Antonia.
Donna
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 17
Donna Clara. You mufr give mereafons for this
requeft; for I am hot certain that I ought not
inltantly to betray you. It is true, you have been
her lov<i*^, but fhe is now to be the wife of Don
Gafper; her duties to him will be of the moft
facred fort, and (he mutt fulfil them fcrupuloufly.
Don Henry. Think me not a feducer ! I have
lov'd Antonia for her purity and virtue ; and to
deftroy her honour, would be to trample on my
own. Oh Clara ! few have lov'd as I do. My
paffion is mingled with the tender protecting af-
feftion of a brother ; and violation is impoifible !
Donna Clara. Pray then tell me -
Don Henry. You fhall know all ; and mould
Antonia's marriage be voluntary, I will take no
revenge but to leave her; but if, as her melan-
choly allows me to hope, fhe has been deceiv'd
into it, there's not a power on earth that can
divide us.
Donna Clara. If your defign is not contrary to
rectitude, be affured I (hall not oppofe it. Follow
me to a more diflant room a new fecret is
almoft as delightful as a new lover. [Exeunt.
END of the FIRST ACT.
D ACT
i8 SCHOOL roa GREYBEARDS;
ACT II.
An Apartment at Don Alexis's.
Enter Seraphina } -pulling in Alexis.
Seraphina.
l^O M E along, my charming hufband ! Blefs me,
what eloquence and fire, corifidering you are
fifty nine ! I proteft, a man thirty years younger
could hardly have found fuch a variety of things
to have faid on fo trivial a fubjecl. One might
miftake you for an Englifh fenator, inftead of a
Portugueze privy counfellor, you can fay fo much
upon nothing.
Alex. Nothing! what is it nothing that when-
ever I go out of the door, your head is dire&ly
out of the window like thefign of Queen'Jezebel ?
'Tis known to all the impudent young face-hunters
in Lifbon, who faunter about my gates, like wolves
before a fheep-foid d'ye call that nothing ?
Seraph. Oh no ; Heaven forbid I mould be fo
ungrateful towards the grand pleafure of my life !
Nothing ! 'tis every thing my happinefs ! I wait
for funfet every day with impatience, becaufe 'tis
known that I then mount my throne that is,
I enter my balcony, and fee new proftrate fubje&s
adoring, and deifying me.
i Alex.
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. i 9
Alex, Zounds ! what a vile cuftom it was to
build houfes with windows! I'll have them all
block'd up. Sky-lights are the only things for a
Chriftian country. Windows and balconies !
they are fit only for Turkifh baths, and public
brothels.
Seraph. Liften, Deary ! and I'll blefs ye with a
fecret. Blind your windows, and nail your doors,
but if your honour (citrjeying) has no better fe-
curity than thefe, you'll be foon in the herd, whofe
ideal ornaments (touching his forehead} are fo
terrific to you.
Alex. The devil's in it if (lone walls won't keep
ye ! What ilronger fecurity- could my honour
have ?
Sertipb. My honour ! Rely on that, and I fwear
to you by every thing facred, that no veftal's life
fhall be more blamelefs. It is due to my own
feelings to be chafte I dont' condefcend to think
of yours in the affair. The refpe6l I bear myfelf,
makes me neceffarily preferve my purity but
if I am fufpecled, watch'd, and haunted, I know-
not but fuch torment may weary me out of prin-
ciples, which 1 have hitherto cherifh'd as my life.
Alex. If all this is true, what the devil makes ye
fo fond of admiration ?
Seraph. I can't tell what devil makes me fo fond
of admiration ; but I know I love admiration, and
I will have it; till he, whom you reprefent, fays no.
Alex. Whom I reprefent ! who's that ?
Seraph. Mercy ! who can it be, but old, fhrivell'd,
grey-pated Time ? To his negative I fhall yield
but with a very ill will, I affure you. If the
paffion we have for admiration is wrong, let nature
|ook to it 'twas fhe imprefs'd it on our hearts ;
D 2 and
20 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
and it is her law, that to tyrannize over the peace
of man, is to woman confummation of happinefs !
Alex. And yet you every one of ye pretend
to be tender-hearted, and compaflionate, and all
that.
Seraph. Why to fay truth, one is a fort of
a paradox. At a tale of woe, I melt like Niobe;
and am agoniz'd at diftrels, if I cannot relieve it ;
yet a lover's mifery is delightful ! I would not
abate a man who adored me a fmgle figh ; and
fhould have no reft at night, if I thought he was
fleeping quietly.
Alex. Lord have mercy ! (muttering to himfclf.)
Seraph. Now I hope you feel yourfelf very
much honour'd, that I take you fo far into my
confidence. If you have a grain of fenfe, you'll
be charm'd with it.
Alex. I don't know what the devil to make of
ye. Sometimes I think one thing, and fometimes
another.
Enter a Servant.
Serv. Don Oftavio, Sir. (exit)
Alex. Better he, than Cefar ! I'll wait upon
him directly. Well, I am in the way at laft,
to have one plague lefs however ! Don QBavio is
come to offer himfelf to Viola Pray ftep, and
fend her here to receive him ; for I am oblig'd
to go inftantly to council. I fhall but juft fpeak
to Oftavio, and fend him up ; charge fier to re-
ceive him well me mail be married in lefs
than a week, (exit)
Seraph. I (hall give his daughter no fuch charge,
poor girl! How can fhe receive O6lavio well,
with lier heart devoted to Sebaftian ? I wonder
what
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 21
what fort of a thing this Signer is fome wrinkled
privy coun feller, like himfelf, I fuppofe. 'Tis
very odd now, that thofe antients fhould take it
into their venerable noddles, that a youthful bride
is a proper appendage to their dignity ; or to
fancy that it requires no more talents to pleafe a
pretty wife, than to govern a ftupid nation. Lord!
if my deary would but fpeak the truth now, and
warn his wife brethren Heyday ! is this the
O6lavio ? Handfome, I vow ! young ! bold ! He
a privy counfellor ! Mercy, how could I (lander
him fo ? (Enter Oftav.} Welcome, Don Oftavio!
for I am inform'd that here you mufi have wel-
come. The man I faw at church, I proteft.
Octav. That cruel rnuft, checks the tranfport
your welcome gave me ! May I not hope that
without a muft, you would have given me wel-
come ?
Seraph. Oh yes ! pray hope it ; for as I think
the feafon of hoping, the moft delightful in our
lives, I mould be forry to ihorten yours.
Offav. If you mean to fhorten my hope by
difappointment, 'tis kind to protracl it ; but there
is a way of ending hope, enchanting Viola! with-
out giving defpair.
Seraph. Viola, did he call me ?
Offav. Oh permit me to believe, that the honour
your father allows me, of telling you I adore you,
is not difplealing to you.
Seraph. Mercy, he takes me for my hufband's
daughter delightful !
Oftav. From the moment I beheld you at vef-
pers, your image has never left me.
Seraph. I vow I won't undeceive him. I take it
very ill of my image, to follow a young man about,
and keep fuch bad company without my leave.
Offav.
22 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS
Offav. Whilft your difpleafure is thus playful,
I can fupport it. Oh how charming, to find the
information of your face did not deceive me.
Seraph. Why what did it promife you ?
Oftav. Elegance, livelinefs, franknefs, and un-
derftanding !
Seraph. Oh dear ! how our felf-love operates
on every occafion. Had 1 receiv'd you with
frowns, and given you room to believe the com-
mands of Don Alexis unpleafant to me, you would
have thought me intolerably ftupid, and wonder 'd
why nature gave intelligent eyes to an ideot.
Ottav. I will not defend myfelf; to be the
objeft of your raillery is an enviable diftinclion
pray go on.
Seraph. Nay then I have done. An enemy
who won't refill, is not worth combating.
Oftav. If you will not combat an unrefifling
enemy, I hope you will condefcend to rank him
with your flavcs. Confent to, give me your
chains. \?/i'i
Seraph. Oh, by all means I like to increafe my
captives. Inhere ! (making as though Jhe flung
Jomethmg over his neck) there are my chains da
you feel them ?
Offav. Yes, as rofy wreaths they delight me !
Seraph. That's not what I intend. I would
have you figh under them aye, in downright
earneft too.
Offav. It is impofiible for me to figh in earneft,
vnlefs you tell me the hopes Don Alexis has given,
me, make you figh in earneft.
Seraph. What were thofe hopes, I pray ?
Ofiav. That I mould have the tranfporting joy
of calling you mine.
Seraph. Indeed 1 can hardly think it.
' Offav*
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 23
Oftav. By all the tempting witch'ries of your
face, and the foft Cupids in your graceful air, 'tis
true !
Seraph. So pretty an oath deferves a civil reply,
and I therefore proteft to you, the moment Don
Alexis confents to my being yours, I'll yield you
my hand without reluftance. But after this frank
engagement, Don Oftavio, I expeft you to leave
me for the prefent I have a peculiar reafon to
requeft this favour. Some one will come in a
moment, and fpoil my roguery, (afide)
Oftav. Your commands {hall ever govern me ;
but when may I again prefume
Seraph. I cannot tell you exaftly now be at
the gate in the evening. Adieu ! adieu!
(Running -off.)
Ottav. At the gate in the evening! How fweetly
that would found, if the little villain had not ma-
trimony in her head. Well, if I muft be a flave
at fome time in my life, e'en let it be now a
defperate action mould be done as foon as refolved
on. [Exit.
SCENE, Don Alexis's Garden.
Sebaftian and Viola Jeated on a garden chair in
the front. He throws flowers at her t then ri/es
hajlily.
Sebaf. No, I fwear it ViolaI'll love thee no
more. No more from this inftant I am fix'd !
Viola. (Coming forward.") Won't you indeed?
Let me look in your face, whilft you make that
wicked oath.
Sebaf. I could cuff you this inftant for looking
fo pretty. Heavens ! what a horrible length of
time
24 SCHOOL FOR OREYBEARDSj
time is before you to do mifchief ! Sixteen ! The
fire of thofe eyes can't be quench'd, nor that ala-
bafter fkin mrivell'd, in lels than twenty years
oh, 'tis dreadful !
Viola. You are miftaken. The fmall pox may
fret it, the jaundice may tarnim it you've many
chances to behold me frightful yet.
Sebaf. Would to heaven fome of them would
arrive ! You to continue fo lovely, and your father
fo cruel !
Viola. But fuppofe the change mould happen
to my father, and he mould favour our wiflies;
will you then allow me to keep my charms ?
Sebaf. Ay, then indeed oh, how I would doat
on them ! Not one but mould have its feparate
lhare of paflion divided and fubdivided. I'd
give to each a twelvemonth, and then begin
again.
Viola. Inventive love I ever the fame, and yet
for ever new 1
Enter Carlota.
Carl. Blefs me, madam, Don Alexis is return-
ed ; the council is put off he is afking for you,
and will be in the garden direclly.
Sebaf. 'Tis impoflible ! fcarcely have I had
time to vent half the malice of my tendernefs I
have been here but three minutes.
Carl. Three minutes ! Oh dear how every
woman the noon fide of twenty would rejoice,
if time meafured out his minutes as love does !
You have been here one hour and a quarter, by
the great dial at the end of the walk.
Viola. Be it hours, or minutes, you mud leave
me my Sebaftian Should my father furprize us, I
could
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 25
could expeft nothing lefs than fix months impri-
fonment in a garret; with the lives of the faints
for my ftudy, and bread and water for my ban-
quet.
Sebaf. Oh, I would embrace the punifhment, if
at the end of the period, he would allow you to
give me anew imprifonment.
Carl. Now you might as well have put off thofe
two fpeeches and a half to the next opportunity
fee the confequence ! here comes the old gen-
tleman. Well, I'll not be in the mefs I aifure ye
take it all to yourfelves (going.')
Viola. Oh ftay ftay, my dear Carlota ! he can't
difcern at this diftance who we are let me run
away I'll go into the houfe thro' the clofe walk,
and Sebaftian (hall flay and pafs for your lover ;
it muft be fo the danger will be lefs to you than
me. [Exit.
Carl. Upon my word fo 7 muft be the icape-
goat! But I won't be blamed I vow I'll pretend
I don't know you. 'Tis very extraordinary, Sir,
(raiftng her voice) that the gard'ner could not leave
the wicket open, whilft he threw out his rubbifh,
but you muft throw yourfclf in for more rubbifh.
If you don't go this minute, I'll call him to bring
his bafket, and fling you out again with the reft.
Sebaf. I deteft the fubterfuge, but I muft fub-
rhit to it. Oh Carlota, I feel that Viola muft be
mine! [Exit.
Carl. She feels it too. Ay, pray get you gone,
and don't miftake your neighbour's gardens again.
There there, 'that's your way. (Going -with
him thro the wing.)
Enter
26 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
Enter Alexis.
Alexis. Oh you traitrefs artful flut ! this muft
be all a feint. I clearly heard Jlie feels it too !
thatj/ie muft concern my wife, or my daughter
oh my blood burns ! " She feels it too !"
Carl, (re-entering} I wonder people are not
afhamed of themfelves, I fwear, to pretend Oh,
dear Sir, are you here ?
Alex. Am I here cunning gentlewoman ! who
was that fpark, hey ? Speak thou powder-puff
thou fnip of gauze thou black pin ! Who was
he ? Tell me truth, for I have a touchltone to
try thee by, that thou canft not evade.
Carl. I never thought of afkmg who he was.
The carelefs gard'ner left the door open he's
fome curious itranger walking about the itreets
of Lifbon.
Alex. Ay ; feeking whom he may devour. But
come what were the curious ftranger and you
talking about What were his parting words ?
Carl. (Jfide.} The devil is furely prompting
him! Why, Sir, they are not worth repeating,
he was faying 'twas he afked if it was pait
twelve o'clock.
Alexis. (AJideJ Is it pad twelve ? (going a little
off) " She feels it too !" that fits like cuftard and
cucumber. Thofe were not the words nyftrefs
try again! I mean his expreffion juft before you
faid, pray get ye gone.
Carl. Oh that, Sir then he faid what he faid
juft then was that's a fine poplar! (pointing
to a tree.}
Alexis. (Afide) " A fine poplar," " me feels it
too." That does not meet a bit clofer than
t'other.
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 27
t'other. Come, once more comb-brufh, recol-
lect ! or by St. Anthony
Carl. Now I have 'it, Sir; I have recollefted
now the very words what the gentleman faid at
going away, was oh, you little black-ey'd
rogye !
sllexis. (Afi.de) " You little black-ey'd rogue"
" fhe feels it too !" As wide as Lifbon harbour,
from the Irifh channel. Now by our lady, if
thou doft perfift in giving me the trouble to quef-
tion thee again, this cane and you ihall be better
acquainted than your fkin and your bones, hufiey !
(ffiaking her.)
Carl. Oh how you gripe my arm ! devil take
it, if you will have it, hear it then ! He faid, " I
feel that Viola muft be mine." (Bawling.) Now
are you fatisfied ?
Alexis. " I feel that Viola muft be mine"
" me feels it too !" H h h m ! that fits like
the two fhells of an oyfter. (djide.) Now minx, I
feel that I have the truth ; and I feel a violent
defire to make you feel this cane. And fo that
curious ftranger muft have been Don Sebaftian,
whom I have order'd her never to think of
never never !
Carl. Why, Sir, fhe has ordered herfelf never
to think- of him; but lord, her thoughts mind her
no more than a conclave of Cardinals would you
they will gallop towards him in fpite of her.
Alexis. Will they ? but I'll cripple their fpeed *
they mail have a check rein before (lie's aware.
I'll go this moment, and oh here madam comes!
Enter Viola.
Viola. Blefsme Carlota, . where have you been ?
Alex. Oh dear, why fhe has been fo kind to
2 entertain
28 SCHOOL RQ.R GREYBEARDS;
entertain one of your lovers without doors, ma-
dam, whilft you were engaged with another
within.
Viola. I do not underhand you, Sir.
Alex. You don't ! Come troop miftrefs (to Car*
lota) you little black-ey'd rogue !
Viola. To be lure my father's bewitch'd.
(Afide.)
Alexis. I'll fit ye ! you fhall pack up your ward-
robe in your pocket handkerchief you little black
ey'd rogue ! and beat your march before you are
three hours nearer your wrinkles. -
Carl. I hope I (hall never overtake my wrinkles
if they are to make me fo fufpicious and tyrannical,
as your's have made you. '[Exit.
Ahxis. Well innocent ones, what fort of enter-
tainment did you give Otlavio ?
Viola. Sir!
Alexis. How did you like him ?
Viola. Blefs me, what has he got in his head ?
^kxis. Did you coquet, and give yourfelf only
the allow d airs on thefe occafions; or was your
ftubborn mind fo full of Sebaftian, that you gave
him no hopes ?
Viola. My dear father, if you'll be pleas'd to
fpea^ in a way that I can underftand -
.Alexis. Don't provoke me ! What encourage-
ment, I fay, have you given Don Oftavio ? have
you dar'd to throw cold water on his hopes ? Why
how you (land if you don't anfwcr me -
Enter Seraphina, haftily.
Seraph. Blefs me, my^ dear, what is all this
nolle ?
Alexis*
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 29
Alexis. Why I can't get her to fay a word about
Oclavio; I know no more than my Ihoe-ftring
whether (he behav'd decently to him or not.
Seraph. To be fure fhe did how can you
queftion it ? But you are really very coarfe ; al-
low fomething to her delicacy !
Viola. I believe they are both befide them-
felves. (Afifa.)
Seraph. Leave her with me I'll get out all
that paft fhe'll be undifguis'd to me.
Alexis. Gad I'll go to Oftavio himfelf that's
the fhorteft way. I'll alk him what paft if he is
content, I (hall be fo. I'll go to Oftavio ! [Exit.
Seraph. Ha, ha, ha, my dear Viola, this is a
web of my weaving how I mail puzzle thro' it,
I know not. And your poor father ha, ha, ha,
how you ftare ! be pleas'd to know then that I have
juft been receiving the moft violent love in the
name of your ladyfhip actually perfonating
you !
Viola. Perfonating me ?
Seraph. Your father went out this morning,
my dear, and either begg'd, borrow'd, or ftole a
lover for ye. The poor youth was introduced to
my apartment took it for granted that I was
Viola; and begun (as I fuppofe he promis'd your
father he would) to adore, and die for me, in
very good form.
Viola. Oh, now the myftery is clear'd this is
the Don Otlavio
Seraph. Yes, yes now you have the nut mall
we crack it, or throw it away ?
Viola. Pray let us get at the kernel. If you
can contrive to keep my father in the dark fome
little time, it will allow me to concert meafures
with
3 o SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
with Don Sebaftian. You do him the honour to
approve his addrefTes, I know.
Seraph. Oh, if you can make any thing of the
incident, it is quite at your fervice. I'll liften to
Oftavio's love-tales with all the condefcenfion
imaginable; and let him adore me, for a month
to come, if it will be of ufe to you and Sebaflian.
Viola. How very grateful he will be !
Seraph. \Vell, let us go then and fettle matters.
We muft take 'Carlota into our council, or the
thing can't go on.
Viola. My father has difcharged her.
Seraph. Pho, I'll manage that. It would be
hard, indeed, to marry an old man, and not make
him do as one likes. Young hufbands we are
content to fubmit to, but when we marry GREY-
BEARDS, it is with the pious defign to have our
way in every thing. [Exeunt.
END of the SECOND ACT.
ACT
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE, 31
ACT III.
An Apartment at Don Gafpers.
Enter Don Henry, 1iaftily t followed by Don Scbajlian.
Henry.
V_7 H 'tis too much !
Sebaf. Too much ! ay, fo it is, that they fliould
be all fo blind to your tfarts, your angry blufhes,
and your ill conceal'd confufion. I drew you from
the company the moment dinner ended, left when
they had done eating they fhould begin to obferve.
Do you refleft that Don Philip has only to betray
you to the minifler, to get rid of his rival for ever ?
Henry. It is more than I can bear the old
dotard's fondnefs, which I dare not yet oppofe,
diftracls me ! Oh that I could fpeak to her alone !
'tis plain amidft all the bridal gaiety her heart is
not at eafe.
Sebaf. Your wifn is half anfwered, for here
comes her half the word half indeed by forty
years.
Henry. Half! thou a lover, and able to fpeak
thus to a lover ? Speak of them as one !
Sebaf. Forgive me! for faith I am fo much a
lover at this moment, that I fcarcely know what I.
am faying. In a word, I am fummon'd by my
miftrefs's maid, who has fome new information
in an hour I am again at your fervice. [Exit.
3 Enter
SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
Enter Don G of per.
Don Gafp. Why how now Julio ! What ftole a-
way? run from the guefts hide in corners
how's this ?
Henry. I am not in fpir its for company, Sir; or
to be fure this joyful occafion -
DonGajp. Not in fpirits on your uncle's wedding-
day out upon it ! But tell me boy what do you
think of the bride ? Am I not a happy man
hey?
Henry. If it turns out fo, Sir.
'Don Ga/p. Oh, I fear no turns. She is virtuous
and modeft, and you know a modell woman is
above all price but perhaps you do not know
that ; for the obfervation is made in a book not
much read now a days. But what d'ye think
help'd me to get her ?
Henry, Ay, Sir, what did? I long to be in-
form'd. Wine perhaps will make him communi-
cative. (Ajide.} A fplcndid jointure probably.
Don Ga/p. Jointure ! me minds a jointure no
more than a jointed doll guefs again !
Henry. I am not fortunate in gueffing.
Don Ga/p. Then I'll tell ye half a meet of
paper got her. Ay, you may well flare. 'Twas
but half a meet of paper in which I procured it
to be faid, that one Don Henry, whom me lov'd,
was fhrouded and buried that got her my boy !
(/lapping him on the Jhoulder) there's a contriving
uncle for you \
Henry. Is it poffible ?
Don Gafp. Poffible, why I did it -I did it. And
there's the harm ? A banifh'd man is a dead man
in
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 33
in the eye of the law, and a dead man can be no
hufband. He fought a duel and was forced to fly.
Henry. And how, Sir, could you take advan-
tage
Don Gafp. Why thofe young rafcals take every
advantage over us, with nature to back 'em ; and
we have a right to make reprifals when we can by
the help of art.
Henry. And fo the lady believed your intel-
ligence ?
Don Gafp. Yes, yes, me believ'd and fwoon'd
and raved and took to her bed. Faith the
do6lor gave her up ; but I ftill determined when
it came to the laft gafp, to tell her the truth, ra-
ther than have her death to anfwer for -but it
never came to that.
Henry. No, no ! female grief, tho' fometimes
obftinate, is feldom fatal. Why, my dear uncle,
you are a perfect Machiavel at a plot. I (hall
try if I can't out-plot you though. (4/ide.) It
will be amufing to fee Antonia's aftonifhment,
when fhe finds her Henry is ftill living ha, ha
but then flie'll be your's, ha, ha, ha.
Don Gafp. Yes, then flie'll be mine fhe'll be
mine ! ha, ha, ha, You muft know the chit had
no fortune, tho' of a noble family was pefter'd
with youthful profligate lovers, and at length to
get rid of them, agreed to give herfelf to me
there's a ftroke of prudence, in a girl !
Henry. (AJide.) Oh, 'twas more; I feel it was
a ftroke of love to me ! But what will Don Henry
fay to this pretty jeft, which you and I find fo
laughable ?
Don Gafp. What care I what a man fays a
ihouian-d miles off.
F Don
34 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
Henry. But if he obtains his pardon, he'll re-
turn, and then
Don Gafp. Pardon ! Oh, you don't know how
deep I am, I leave no loop-holes for my fchemes
to drop through. Hark in your ear but be fecret
I have bought his pardon.
Henry. How, Sir bought his pardon !
Don Gaf'p. Hufh ! that's all under the rofe
you underftand me it coft me a good lump of
moidores !
Henry. You aftonim me! Strange kindnefs to
a man whom you could rob of his wife !
Don Gafp. Kindnefs tut ! I got his pardon for
myfelf, that nobody elfe mould have it; fo
that if he gets any one to afk for it, it will be
anfwered, " the pardon has been already granted"
but for want of my appearance, he's defunct de-
pend on't; ay, as much out of the world, as tho'
the fexton had cover'd him with green-fod.
Henry. And are you actually in pofleffion of his
pardon ?
DonGafp. As good; the money is paid, and
I fhall receive it from the broad-leal office to-
morrow.
Henry. What a difcovery is here ! (/ffide.)
(Don Alexis enters^ pulling in Otavio.)
Ahx. Come in here ; come into this room, my
dear Oftavio! So, here's the young bridegroom.
Now prithee be fo kind to leave the apartment to
me and Oftavio.
Ottav. Let us not difturb my father, Sir.
Alex. Difturb a feather! Will you leave us ?
Gafp. Yes, yes, I'll leave ye but firft. let me
pre-
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 35
prefent my nephew to you. The fon of my lifter
Victoria you knew her.
Alex. Knew her ay, as well as your nofe does
its fpeftacles. So, young gentleman, what you
are come to dance at your uncle's wedding ? and
'twas worth while to come pod from Madrid on
purpofe ; you won't cut capers at fo wife a wed-
ding every day, I can tell you.
Gafp. Come, come, a truce to your fneers.
Don't you think he refembles his poor dear mo-
ther ?
Alex. Not a bit.
Gafp. No ! the eyes are the very fame.
Ahx. Eyes! why, her's were blue, and his
are black.
Gafp. That's nothing they've jufl the fame
look with 'em.
Alex. Yes. I grant ye as to the look, his look
as much like eyes as her's did. Then fhe was
round favour'd.
Gafp. What fignifies that a long face,
and a mort face, may have the fame air.
Alex. But his hair is dark, and her's was light.
Gafp. Oons ! how you talk Why all hair muft
be light, or dark, or fome colour. Come along,
nephew When people get old, they grow fo
obllinate, there's no convincing them of any thing.
Come along come along. (Exit with Don Henry.)
Alex. Don't take him to your Antonia, left (he
ihould have the odd notion, that he's a fitter bride-
groom for her, than you are. (Bawling after him.}
Well, my dear boy, I am come on purpofe to afjc
how you manag'd to-day with my daughter. The
young flut is fo mealy-mouth'd, 1 could get no-
thing out of her. Was (he kind did fhe fhew a
proper fenfe of the favour ?
F 2 Otfav.
36 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
Oflav. Senfeof the favour. Sir ! She permitted
me to implore the favour of being allow'd to hope.
Alex. Well, well, that's the point I would come
to hang phrafes ! Was you contented with your
reception. was fhe no more than decently coy ?
Otfav. She was all goodnefs, Sir. Why what
an old fellow's this ! (ajide}
Alex. All goodnefs well, that's in generals.
Tell me come now tell me honeftly, did me
let you kifs her ?
Ofiav. Heavens ! I dared not let fuch a thought
exift. Had any man but her father alk'd me
Alex. You'd have faid yes ; you would, I know
you would ! Boafted of the fweetnefs of her lip,
and of the prefTure of her white hand, but I
I muft know nothing I am an old fatjier.
Oftav. (afide] What can be the meaning of all
this ? Is it his fufpicion, or his folly ?
Alex. Come, why won't you tell me now ?
Tell me at once.
Offav. What mall I tell you, Sir ?
Alex. What ! why that me treated ye kindly
that you liked her pouting lips ; and that
QRav. Believe me, Sir, I dared not attempt
fqch a liberty.
Alex. No ! why had you not my permiffion ?
Oftav. I did not fo confider it, Sir ; but if
you'll lay your commands on the lady, when I
have the honour to wait on her again
Alex. Ay, that I will, never fear me. But
pray where 's the foundation of your great content,
if nothing kind paft ? I fear the flut has deceiv'd
him. (a fide)
Oftav. Kind ! fhe was all angelic fweetnefs,
Sir!
OR, THE MOURNING BRIEVE. 37
Alex. Pho ! don't te!l me of angelic fweetnefs ;
a young fellow fhould be content with nothing lefs
than mortal fweetnefs, when with a blooming girl.
Oftav, She had the condefcenfion to promife
Alex. What what?
Oftav. That when you fhould order her to
beflow her hand on me, (he would obey you with-
out relu6hnce.
Alex. She promis'd that, did fhe ?
Ottav. She did; and my delighted foul hath
dwelt on the found from that moment.
Alex. Well, well, come again this evening, and
your foul fhall have fomething elfe befides found
to dwell upon, or I'll underftand why.
Ottav. Good Sir, you would be very conveni-
ent I perceive, but it unfortunately happens, that
I chufe the fweet trouble of getting over my love
difficulties myfelf.
Alex. Oh to be fure above being oblig'd I
fee ! but I tell you thefe yourg baggages have all
their arts to make a man half mad, and I know
'em I'll manage her my little Ocly, never fear!
Sound indeed!
Ottav. Allow me, Sir, with all humility, to re-
queft that you'll give yourfelf no trouble in the
bufmefs. S'death ! If I don't take care I fhan't
have the pleafure of running down my own game.
If you wifh to make a fon-in-law of me, Sir, you
mud permit me to travel the road of love in my
own manner. No bearing him ! [Exit.
Alex. Zounds ! what a heat you're in ! Why,
fo you may travel the road of love in your own
manner I only mean humbly to open the turn-
pike gates for ye. See what one gets by one',s
good nature ! (Exit.)
SCENE.
3 8. SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
SCENE. Don Gafper's Garden.
Enter Henry.
Don Henry, (looking, as tho' uncertain.} Surely
*tis herfelf yes, 'tis Antonia! Like the foft lilly
prefs'd by the dewy robe of night, (he bends her
lovely head. Oh Clara ! lead her lead her to her
Henry ! Hah accordant to my wifli they come !
But how may I be matter of her thoughts ? Per-
haps to her friend, me will unveil her inmoft heart,
I'll feem to fleep yes; but whilft I appear to
{lumber, my ear will hang on every found fhe ut-
ters, and my whole foul be fufpended on her
breath. (He reclines on a lank. SomcJJirubs pre-
vent his being immediately Jeen.}
Enter Antonia and Clara.
Cla. This is the ftrangeft whim ! feeking fhades
and folitude, inftead of company and mirth.
What will Don Gafper fay ?
Ant. Oh name him not ; the arrival of the
young ftranger his nephew, has renewed all my
miferies. But here my forrows have a fhort cef-
fation. Oh, how thofe lonely Shades will footh
my fadnefs ! Each day I'll feek the foft recefs, and
opening gill the treafures of remembrance, live on
my Henry's image.
Clara. Come, come, that's a fort of image wor-
fhip we don't allow. It would be more catholic
to live in lonely fhades with himfelf. " This foft
rece/s" would be at lead more poetical my dear,
with a handfome young man in it, even tho' he
fhould be uncivilly afleep. (pointing to Henry.)
i Ant,
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. - 39
Ant. (Not regarding her.) Oh, I'll call' back
each facred hour which bleft our wedded fouls ;
trace each fond fcene that chaften'd love made
pure, and in the dear review, forget that I'm a
wretch.
Cla. Ay, do forget it pray, and look behind
thofe fhrubs there's a youth as much like Don
Henry, as ever one impudent rogue was like
another.
Ant. Hah ! 'tis Don Julio let us retire before
he wakes. And yet Oh Clara! I could wi(h his
fleep lengthen'd to eternity; and myfelf immor-
tal, to (land thus and gaze on him !
Clara. One might almoft fancy it Don Henry
himfelf ; only unhappily 'tis not the cuftom for
people to leave their family manfions in the church-
yard, to repofe on violets for their miflreires to
gaze on them.
Ant. The refemblance is ftronger now he fleeps.
When awake, this ftranger has a fcorn a feverity
in his eye fomething that made me fear; but
Henry's eye talk'd only love ! Oh, I have feen a
volume in a {ingle glance; one look has faid,
what eloquence and learning might try to imitate
in vain.
[ Sings. ]
Sweet rofy fleep ! Oh do not fly,
Bind thy foft fillet on his eye,
That o'er each grace my own may rove,
And feaft my haplefs, joylefs love !
For when he lifts thofe (hading lids,
His chilling glance fuch blifs forbids
Then rofy fleep oh do not fly,
But bind/ thy fillet on his eye !
Clara.
40 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
Clara. I fay on the contrary open your eyes!
Who knows but they may by this time have ac-
quired a fofter expreffion ?
Ant. Fie, Clara! let us go this inftant you
will furely wake him. (going bajlily.} \_Rxit Clara.
Henry. (Star ting up.} Yes, he is awakened in-
deed ! Oh my Antonia, turn ! Turn fweet traitrefs,
and look upon the man you've injured !
Ant. (Shrieking.} Oh, I fhall' fink ! What art
thou ? Is Henry then alive in Julio ? Oh tell me
whilft I yet can breathe Say, art thou both, or
nothing ?
Henry. Convince thyfelf. (Embracing her.} Oh,
my Antonia !
Ant. No ! 'tis not air my arms return not
empty to my bofom, but meet a folid treafure !
Henry. A treafure you have lightly priz'd.
Ant. Alas, my Henry, I believ'd thee dead !
Oh let me touch thee yet again ! (taking his hand}
The'fe veins are warm with life ! health blufhes
on thy cheeks ;. and this foft preflure darts thro'
my nerves, and is new life to me. Oh my Henry !
it is it is thyfelf!
Henry. Can this joy be real ? You thought me
dead, . Antonia, and chofe in bridal pomp to
celebrate my obfequies ! The Ephefian ftory
will be always new.
Ant. Think not my heart perfidious. Had
I chofe a youthful hufband, you might have
term'dme fickle but from thole I fled abhorr'd
a fecond love, and fix'd where venerable age
fecured my heart from every tender impulfe. A
guardian 'twas I afk'd, and not a hufband.
Henry. Nature made women falfe, to fee how
well they would excufe their crimes.
Ant.
o*, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 4l
Ant. 'Tis well you treat me thus, to check J:e
tranfport (?f beholding thee, which elfe might be
too much ! But think, reproachful man ! confider
my high birth, and (lender fortunes Behold me
a lonely orphan, haunted by a train of lovers
fome too high in rank to make them fear to a6t,
whate'er their wi(hes prompted. 'Twas to efcape
all thefe
Henry. Oh, was it that indeed, which forced
thee to this marriage ?
Ant. It cannot be a marriage fince my Henry
'lives! My vows were given to thee the folemn
contract fign'd 5 and heaven, by its holy prieft,
invoked to blefs the engagement 1
Henry. And in heaven 'tis recorded !
Ant. I do acknowledge it : and death alone
could give Antonia rigbt co make herfelf another's.
Bafe artifice -deceiv'd me, and virtuous art muft
free me 'from the deceiver. But, oh, thy life's
at ftake ! Where (hall we fly ? At what bleft
altar folemnize our vows ?
Henry. Wilt thou then follow my fad fortunes ?
Ant. Yes-^-to the utmoft boundaries of the
earth !
Henry. Oh, my fick foul needed a cordial of
this mighty (Irength to cheer it ! Know then;
Antonia, we need not fly my pardon's promis'd
I have important fecrets to communicate-
to-morrow thou'lt be mine.
Ant. To-morrow !
Henry. Tranfporting hour ! And wilt thou yet
be Henry's ? Oh bind the promife on thy knee ;
invoke the facred powers to witnefs it.
Ant. Thus then ! (kneeling) and hear me, hea-
ven !
Henry. And thus I liften to thee. (kneeling)
G ntcr
42 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDSj
Enter Don Philip, followed by Alexis.
Gafp. Tony ! my little Tony, where art ? Hey !
(parting)
Alex. 'Shlood ! what's all this ? Ah didn't I
.warn ye of the bride's odd notions ? didn't I
warn ye ?
Henry. We are undone !
Ant. Truft to me. (apart} Thus then I invoke
the facrcd powers to witnefs my refolve Never
to know another love ! never to hold my felf bound:
by any vows, but thofe made to the lord of my
affeftions, the contracted hufband of my heart !
Phil. Her contracted hufband mark that
now. (to Alexis]
Henry. And thus do I invoke the fame gracious
powers, to blefs you, as you're true ; and to pre-
ferve thee and that hufband in a fweet eternity
of love ! (Don Philip runs to help them up.)
Phil. Thank ye, my dear children ! There-r-
there, what d'ye lay now to my choice ? Had ever
man fuch a wife, and fuch .a nephew ?
Alex. No faith, I believe not; and may I be
hanged if I believe it now, though I have feen it.
Phil. Envy* fheer envy ! You fee when /
marry a girl, 7 know how to chufe one. Come
along, my pigeons, (going off with one under each
arm.) [Exit Philip and Antonia.
Alex. Hark ye, Don Julio -give me a minute.
(twitching him back) Come, I know there's fome
jeft in this. You rnuft truft me, and egad if you
will, I'll. , . do truft me, I know 'tis fome jeft.
Henry. I admire your penetration.
Alex. I love a jeft to my foul, and gad if you'll
truft me here -here's a leal ring (taking it off)
' 'twas worn by my great grandfather fifteen gene-
rations
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 43
rations back. I value it beyond the great ruby in
the throne at Delhi. Egad I have a great mind
to give it ye. (Putting it on again, and throwing
his hand behind him?)
Henry. An idea darts upon me ! yes, by heaven
it fhaH be done! this is the critical inftant of
Antonia's fate. (Afide.) A ring valued by you
fo highly, Don Alexis, ought to grace no finger
but your own I refufe to accept it ; but if you'll
entruft it to me, I fwear when you next fee it you
(hall know the jeft.
Alexis. Shall I indeed ?
Henry. Yes and I'll venture to promife that
you fhall enjoy it too !
Alexis. There's my ring. I pant for the hour
of its being reftored, as much as a girl does to
unburthen her firfl love fecret.
Henry. I too pant for the hour; for if I miftake
not, T fhall mean time make fuch a ufe of your
great grandfather's feal ring, as mufl make that
and every future hour blifsful to me ! [Exit.
Alexis. What can he mean to do with it ? that
feal ring make all his future hours blifsful ! May
be there's fome conceal'd witchcraft in it, and he
has had wit enough to find it out ; or if rightly
turn'd it may make a man invifible, or fomething
of that fort there have been fuch things former-
ly. Gad I'll follow him tho' if my ring has any
properties of that kind, how fnugly I fliall be
able to watch my wife !
E N D of the TH i R o ACT.
G 2 A CT
i-
44 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
ACT IV.
SCENE, SeraphinaV Apartment.
I
Enter Seraphina, folkwed ly O6tavio.
Seraphina.
T is in vain, and
Ottav. Charming Viola, why are ye fo barba-
rous ? Is it not by your own permiffion I attend
you ?
Seraph. Yes, I know it is ; but what of that ?,
When the fun {hone I liked you, and now by
candle light I hate you do go, I will not be
teazed.
Oftav. This is fo fingular ! ivifi
Seraph. What, that a woman fhould change her
mind fince morning? You, I fuppofe, are fo
.vonderfully conftant, that you change your's only
with the moon.
Ottav. Do not fufpeft me of ficklenefsTperaiit
me to prove my conftancy.
Seraph. Impoflible impoflible.
Oftav. How fo ?
Seraph. I fee I muft tell you, to avoid alterca-
tion. Be pleafed to know then, Sir, that there
is nothing on earth I deleft like this fober, quiet,
prudent
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 45
prudent method of loving. Ycxur vows have a
father's 'approbation ; you are expefted j you
enter the houfe without difficulty ; you yawn
through an hour of common-place j the wed-
ding-day is fixed, and we go to church to be mar-
ried, in the fame hum-drum ftupid way, that mil-
lions of dull couples have done before us. No,
no, this I can't fu-bmit to, believe me !
OElav. Ah, 'tis plain we were born for each
other, we think fo exactly alike ! (afldc.) Thefe
I confefs are misfortunes; but how in our cafe
are they to be avoided ?
Seraph. If you are really in earneft in your'
love, you muft contrive to make Don Alexis hate
you. Let him throw a t-houfand difficulties in the
way, and then I'll throw my/elf into your arms !
Ottav. Oh, that extatic prqmife! But your
father is unhappily attach'd to our marriage What"
the devil can I do to make him fet his face againft:
jt ? I fear it is impoffible.
Seraph. Poor Don O6lavio ! then you have no
hopes for I do fwear by every thing that can
bind me, whilft Don Alexis approves of our
nuptials, I never will be your's.
Ottav. I'll bribe fellows to (lander me ! was ever
fo unhappy a dilemma ? I thought his approbation
till this moment a bl effing; but now I would will-
ingly make him fhut his doors againft me, and
confine you to a grated room, with a dozen fmoak-
dried Duennas to guard you.
Seraph. Ay, then indeed things would go on
glorioufly ! You would be fighing and groaning
without, and I mould be weeping and wailing
within. Then for plots and contrivances then
fc^ bribes and fcaling ladders then for efcapes
and
46 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
and purfuits Oh, what would I not do for a man
who fhould bring me into fuch blifsful difficulties !
Ottav. I fwear you fhall be obey'd, whatever I
hazard. Who knows but an elopement may
finifti the affair fhort of marriage! (Afide.) (A
bujlle -without the door opens a little, and difcovers
Carlota ftruggling to keep out Alexis.)
Alexis. I tell you, Mrs. Brazen, I will be
amongft 'em.
Carl. Blefs me, Sir, how can you be fo bar-
barous to difturb the young people ?
Seraph. There's Don Alexis ! now begin your
tafk direftlyj-prevent his coming in ; if he en-
ters, I never will be your's.
Alexis. Let me in I fay.
Ottav. Pardon me, Sir, you muft not come in.
(Going to the door.)
Alexis. Muft not come in why you young
dog! Well, well, tell me then, is fhe kind-
hey my little Oty ! is fhe kind ?
Ottav. Not quite fo kind as I wifh her to be.
Alexis. Oh, a jade! You flut you you per-
verfe baggage ! I will have you kind to Oclavio.
Odav. Devil take him, why does he not bid her
difmifs me ? then fhe'd fly to my bofom. (Afide.)
Alexis. Ofty! Ody! (jlruggling with Carlota)
have you kifs'd her yet ?
Qftav. No! (loud in paffion.)
Alex. Then you fhall 1 will lee you kifs her,
by Jove !
Carl. Lord Sir ! How can you be fo ruro-
bufterous ?
Alex. Come /, I will.
Seraph, (afide) Then go out I mud. [Exit.
Alex. So ! what's fhe off! (burning in.)
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 47
Oflav. Off! yes, and now Til be off. What
woman of delicacy could bear to be thus treated ?
Or what father but you (givg-)
Alex- Now dear Octy do not be angry do not
be angry ! You have the character of one of the
civileft, politeft, difcreeteft 1
Qftav. The character lies, Sir I am none of
thefe. I am rude, ill-natured, unjuft, fickle, and
full of extravagance !
Alex. Hey day ! Why I believe you are full of
wine too.
O&av. I am every thing you ought to dread.
You could not in all Lifbon have picked out fo
hopelefs a hufband for your daughter.
Alex. Oh Lord ! no you are a very hopeful
young gentleman The character yqu have given
of yourfdf, would fuit ye all I doubt ; but you
feem fo intimate with ^0#r faults, that like a (tale
acquaintance, they'll foon difguit ye therefore
fickle, drunk, or mad, my daughter fhall be
your wife.
Offav. Are you fo obftinate Sir !
Alex. Ay and if fhe dares demur
Oftav. Oh I am ruin'd if you perfift I am
ruin'd. Dear Don Alexis pardon me! I fee my
fcheme was ridiculous a better ftrikes me. In
one word (lay, let's take care we are not heard
in one word, you and I muft both be m a plot,
againft your lovelely capricious daughter.
Alex. How now !
Offav. Her vivacity renders a ftupid, formal,
allQixj'd courtfhip, intolerable to her. If you
perfift in countenancing my addrelfes fhe will
hate me , but if you order her to fee me no more,
and allow me to fteal her out of a window, or
over
4.8 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
over the garden Wall, fhe'll be the happieft bride
in Portugal.
Alex. D'ye fay fo? Oh a perverfe baggage-
but I'll fit her ! Won't love ye, merely becaufe
I order her to do it! that ihe had from her
mother !
OfiFav. You muft conceal your knowledge of
that.
Alex. Pho ! d'ye imagine I don't fee your whole
drift now ? If you was to continue talking a
Lapland winter, you could not make the hint
clearer. Gad (he's coming, and my wife with
her ! So d'ye hear, you Signor Don O&avio,
(Jpeaking loud] you are I fay you are you fhall
know. what you are another time? for the prefent
that's your way, Sir, that your way out j and I'll
befworn you fhall never know the way in. (Pu/bing
bin out.}
Enter Seraphina and Viola.
Seraph. Why my dear hufband is fo mere a
gudgeon, {here's no credit in deceiving him.
fe'rnernber your lellbn. (to Viola)
Al'e-x. Somiftrefs I have difpatch'd your lover.
Viola. Have you, Sir ?
Alex. A young r.ikefhame ! your not liking
.proves you have your father's penetration.
Notwithstanding, his modeft front, there's not
fuch a defperate fellow this fide the Ganges 5 no
fior 'tothtr fide the Black Sea.
&Mrp0. My fweet love, are you fpeaking of
Den Oclavio ?
*4lex. Yes, I am. Take care you give him no
encouragement;, d'ye hear girl : No whifperings
4fr.<wn your balcony ; no private correfpondences ;
no
OR, THS MOURNING BRIDE. 49
no billets dropt by your officious maid, on pre-
tence they are meant for fome carotty r pated.
country coufm !
Viola. Dear Sir!
Alex. No pencil'd affignations on the back of
your fan ; or cards in lemon juice to be call'd
on detection fecret orders to your perfumer, for
pearl powder, and bloom of Circafiia.
Seraph. How can you put fuch things in the
girl's head, deary ?
' Alex, (afide) That her fingers may put them
in practice, to be fure j but you are not up to me
there, deary ! (afide.')
Viola. But a few minutes fin ce, you were fear-
ful, Sir, that he was not received with furEc.ienn
favour. -
Alex. That was that well, no matter. That
was, perhaps, to try how far things had gone.
Seraph. Oh I beg your pardon ! the curtain
rifes, and we fee the fun ! Now I underftand your
policy how admirable ! You middle-aged gen-
tlemen are fo deep, that 'tis difficult to fife ye.
Alex. Ay, and when we are lifted
Seraph. You are found to be chaff. FOOT dear
Don .CXclavio ! Send him a garland of willows,
Viola.
Viola. Rather of myrtles he's too handfome
for willows.
Alex. Handfome is he, that handfome does-
remember that.
Viola. Why Sir, he does handfbmely. He has
travell'd handfomely, has a handfome eftate, has
brought home a handfome character, and now
wimcs for a handfome wife.
Alex, Ay, but he muft go further a field to
catch her though. He'll find neither wives nor
widgeons in my orchard.
H Seraph.
5 o SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDSj
Seraph. No, our widgeons are all within doors.
Viola. Unfortunate that lam ! juft made up my
mind to difmifs Sebaftian, nay abfolutely to dif-
like him, and now
Alex. And now ! why now you muft make up
your mind t'other way. Perhaps in 'my prefent
humour, of the two fools, I like Sebaftian beft.
Viola. But that humour muft change, for I can
never think of thofe two young men as you do, my
dear father.
Alex. Thoughts are free, daughter ! Gad I
could hug her. (afede.)
Seraph. You fee your father generoufly leaves
your thoughts unfhackled, my dear ; he only de-
fires to controul your actions pray oblige him,
and take Sebaftian.
Alex, (afide) Zounds ! me knows nothing of
our plot, and gives that advice ferioufly.
Seraph. He is a molt accomplifh'd young man.
Alex. Wife!
Seraph. Engaging in his manners, and refiftlefs
in his form,
Alex. My dear, I fay. (fpitefully.)
Seraph. His eyes are exprefiive, and his tongue
is eloquent.
Alex. The devil's in your tongue ! (afide.) You
don't know what you are talking of.
Seraph. I do indeed perfectly. In fhort, Viola,
he is fo amiable, fo captivating, and loves you
with fuch unbounded fondnefs, that if you marry
any other, your mifery ought to equal your in~
gratitude.
Alex. Gad me fpeaks with an air of too much
conviction this muft be managed more nicely.
To your chamber, hufley, and try to forget O&avio.
(pujhing off Viola.)
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 51
Seraph. And remember your Sebaftian. Let
him be prefent to you waking, and fleeping ; let
him
dlex. Zounds let him alone ! (driving her off
on the other fide) you may be doing mifchief all this
while. I dare not let her into my plot, left her per-
verfcnefs, or her folly mould mar it. And yet, I
think no hang it I won't I won't. The only plot
that ever had a woman in it came to nothing. I'll
conducl this folely by my own fagacity, and have a
hearty laugh at the poor fools, when all is over.
[Exit laughing.
SCENE, An elegant Apartment at Don Gafpcr's,
illuminated*
Rachel enters frjl ; followed by Gafper, Antonia,
Clara, and a number of Ladies.
Rack, (looking back) Blefs us ! the approach of
the ceremony has made my mafter half out of his
fenfes. The poor bride too feems half out of
her's but not with joy if I may guefs.
Don Gafp. (capering in, andjinging.)
Tired of dance, of fong, and play,
Now we end our wedding-day.
Yes, yes, now for the ceremony ! Come my
pretty Pet, the Prieft is waiting in the next room
to make thee the happieft girl in Portugal. In
ten minutes thou wilt be the wife of Don Gafper
de Frontado ! (Jlrutting.)
Ant. (Ajjde) Oh heaven ! where is Henry ?
Rachel, my foul finks within me.
Rack. Truly, mine is not very high.
H 2 Gafp.
52 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
Gafp. Heyday! what's, all this about? What!
{he muft be coax'd now I warrant they all love
coaxing. Come now, my pretty Tony, my nown
little Tony. (Taking her under his arm.]
Ant. (broking from him} Henry! Henry!
Where art thou ? Oh, he mocks me ! '
Gafp, Come, let us to the prieft, and tie the
knot," which even Alexander who cut the gordion
will never be able to deftroy.
Henry, (without.'] Where is he the bride-
groom ! the happy bridegroom !
Ant. Oh my heart he is come !
Gafp.' Here he is here is the happy bride-
groom. (Henry enters') Come, you are juit in
time to witnefs the ceremony. The prieft waits to
join us in his rofy bands. Look at her ! h-u-m !
Oh, you fweet little There arc fmiles and
bluflies for ye ! Look at her !
Henry. They are like thole of Aurora, when
flie flies before the jolly god of day !
Gafp. And I the jolly god of day purfue her.
Henry. But charming Antonia, the blifsful fate
which awaits you muft be poftponed a few hours.
Oh, Sir, I am fent
Gafp. Sent about what! from whom? who
has fent you to poftpone Antonia's blifs ?
Henry. It is happy I have a token to convince
you. Here, Sir, do you know this great feal
ring ? the impreffion is ftay, can you fee it ?
(taking a candle} the impreffion is a fatyr ; look
at his horns.
Gafp. The devil's in fuch luck ! A man on the
wrong fide of fifty or fo, can't marry but at every
turn he has horns in his teeth. If he's invited to
a tavern, the dinner is fure to be at the horns :
They'll wake me with horns to-morrow morning
8 nay,
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 53
nay, I am even kept from the ceremony to-
night, to be regaled wi,h the fight of herns.
Ant. (to Clara.) What, can be the purport of
the ring ? I can hardly breathe thro' terror !
Henry. Do you know them, Sir ?
Cafp. Know them ! Yes they are Don Alexis's
horns, not mine it is his ring ; but what have
I to do with it, any more than with the ring 'of
Saturn, or the belt of Jupiter? If you are for
rings, you fhall fee one prefently (taking, An-
tonia's hand] on this waxen ringer, that
Henry. You will not hear me, Sir. This is a
token from Don Alexis obierve me, Sir, a
token-, by which you are required, -as a coutifellor
of the realm, to meet Don Alexis immediately at
his own houfe, on affairs of imminent importance.
Gafp. Meet Don Alexis ! What is he m,ad ? or
are you mad ? or does he think me mad ? Go,
prithee I'll meet him to-morrow, (jdzing An-
tonia's hand} My fervice to his night cap ! (going.)
Henry. To-morrow ! Why, all our throats may
be cut by to-morrow.
Gafp. Hey ! throats cut !
Hen. Why Sir, there's a plot a plot.
Gafp. A plot !
Clara, (to Ant.} Now I have his defign. My
dear Don Gafper, at a juncture fo important, every
felfim co-nfideration muft be annihilated. Should
our difcontented citizens take arms
Hen. Nay, for aught I know they are in arms
already.
Gafp. Arms ! well what can I do ? Fight dog
fight bear I'll be married, (going.)
Rachel, (dropping on her knee) Oh dear Sir,
there'll be nothing but rapes and murder ! Oh
take pity on us poor virgins, Sir, and go.
Gaff.
54 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS}
Gafp. Don't be a fool ! (ftriving to get free.)
Clara. Confider, Sir, the good of the nation.
Rach. Ay, vSir, the good of the nation; what
wouldn't a body do for the good of the nation ?
Gafp. Good of the nation ! 'twould be a fhame !
Go go Julio, and vote for me ; I'll make you
my proxy.
Hen. Your proxy there, Sir ! No, no, excufe me.
But haften ; whilft you dally, all Lifbon may be
fired.
Gafp. If there's fuch danger, I am fafeft here
an't I, duck ? (to Ant.}
Ant. Oh Sir, if you can refift the calls of honour,
do not refift me. To marry in the midft of fuch
horrible apprehenfions, is impoflible and my fears
are fo great, they will deftroy me. Sweet Don
Gafper, go !
Gafp. Nay then come, my dear Nephew,
let us go together ; not a ftep will I move without
you.
Hm. (afide) Oh miferable, to be thus circum-
vented. Had I not better flay here to guard
the
Gafp. Stay here! Ob you are a dutiful Nephew.
No, Sir, you mall guard me, if I ftir but I won't
ftir by all
Ant. Fye, Don Julio ! furely you will not deTert
your uncle. Leave him in the ftreet, and return
inftantly ! (apart). Adieu, fweet bridegroom, (help-
ing to get him out) fpeed quickly back, (looking
after them} but find Antonia gone ! Dear liberty,
I hail thee ! Oh Rachel, now I claim thy promife;
affift my flight, and make thy terms and fortune.
Follow follow me ! [Exit.
Rachel.
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 55
Rachel. I will but let me confider firft what I
have engaged to do, to make my fortune. Why
I am to affift a pretty girl to run away from an
old hufband to a young one ; from age, gout, and
petulance, to youth, health, and glowing love.
Ay, that I will, or may I never arrive at higher
honour than to attend mifles in their bibs, and
antient maidens in their fpe&acles !
END of the FOURTH ACT,
56 SCHOOL FOX GREYBEARDS;
A C T V.
An Apartment at Don Alexis's.
A Table, -with Candle and Chairs.
He enters, followed by a Servant.
Alexis.
JTlEY dey! why what's the meaning of all
this ? The family are all up, though it is pad
twelve o'clock, and my wife's apartments in a
blaze illuminated ! as though it was fome grand
anniverfary. What's the meaning of all this,
I fay?
Serv. Donna Seraphina has ladies with her,
Sir they have been playing.
Alex. Playing ! go, get along and let me know
when they break up. (Exit Servant.} There's no
having any reft in this world. No, or at leafl
not for the hujbands of this world. This cuftom
of letting one's wives receive female company, is
like (hutting your gates upon the enemy, and
then helping them over the wall. Not a woman
but has her head full of projects, and her pockets
of billets-doux. Well, if at laft Don Oftavio
fhould really marry my daughter, 1 fhall then
Enter Servant.
Sfrv. Don Gafper de Frontado is without, Sir.
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 57
Alex. Don Gafper Don Gafper ! it can't be.
Serv. He is indeed, Sir, attended by mod of
his fervants, with drawn fwords and torches.
Alex. Swords and torches why he's mad ! the
near approach of matrimony has turn'd his brain.
Well, no great wonder. It is Gafper fure enough !
(looking through the wing) What a figure !
Gafy. (Speaking as he enters') Blefs me, why all
is quiet all is quiet, my dear nephew ! ah
(looking back} what's he gone ? Not a voice in
the ftrect, but two old women quarrelling about
a firing of faufages.
Alex* (Afide.) Ay it is fo he's certainly crazy.
I am very forry Don Gafper (gravely taking off his
hat) that any thing (hould have happen'd to call
you from your houfe, at this time.
Gafp. My houfe that's nothing! From my
bride from my little Tony from the very altar,
my friend. But that is nothing the good of the
nation muft be minded. Come let us fit and to
bufinefs.
Alex. As foon as you pleafe. Zounds, what a
time for him to think on the good of the na-
tion ! (afide.)
(They both draw chairs, and fit looking at one
another , waiting for each to begin.)
Gajp. Be brief my good friend, be brief!
Alex. Brief why we hav'nt begun yet.
Gafp. Then why the devil don't we ? How
long am I to wait, before the mighty matter is
brought upon the carpet ? Do you confider that
I am on the point of being married, Sir ?
Alex. Pray, Sir, what would you be at ?
Gaff. I be at I want to know what you would
be at.
I Alex.
5 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS}
Alex. Ha, ha, ha, why this is the ftrangeft
thing ! to fee an old fellow, high in the date, the
night he fhould be married, forfake his bride,
and come with a train arrn'd cap-a-pie, to difturb
another old fellow, and afk him what he would
be at ! What's your bufmefs once more ?
Gafp. My bufinefs, with who in ?
Alex, With me, Sir with me! What the devil
do you do here ?
Gafp. That's what I want to know, Sir, and
you'd bed be quick in the relation ! You feem
to think time of no more value to me than ftraw.
Alex, (rifing) Ay> ftraw there it is ! I thought
he was mad ; they never think of any thing but
flraw. I am forry you are thus difturbed, Don
Gafper.
Gafp. (Purjmng him} The diflurbance is no-
thing, if you would but come to the point
What is the plot Where are the confpirators,
and what do they aim at ?
Alex. Poor foul poor foul ! My dear friend
you really {hock me very much tho' I knew
your marriage was a mad a&ion, 1 did not think
it would have taken effecl fo foon.
Gafp. Oons ! this is beyond all bearing ! (mak-
ing a motion as tho' to his fword, and jecms dij-
appointed) no fword meet me to-morrow, Sir
meet me to-morrow !
Alex. With all my heart. By that time you'll
be in a ftrait waiftcoat, and I fhall be fafc.
Gafp. I am cooler. Such old men as we are
can afford to wafte no blood but there's your
ring, Sir ; and let that be the laft token of good,
or ill will, you ever fend me. (Flinging the ring
from him.}
Alex,
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 59
Alex. My ring ! (taking it from thefoor) why,
how came you who gave you this ring? who
gave it you ?
Gafp. Why did not, did not oh, my mind
mifgives me !
Alex. You had it from your nephew eh ?
Gafp. Ye y-e-s. (Trembling.)
Alex. Ha, ha, ha, oh, a young rogue oh, a
plotting young villain ! ha, ha, ha
Gafp. What then I have oh, fhame to my
years I have been made a jeft of.
Alex. A jeft Heaven grant you may be
made nothing worfe of! Hurry home my dear
friend ; you know what I faid to-day about your
bride's odd fancies. Hurry home, and be thank-
ful if it is a jeft !
Gafp. What do you imagine do you con-
ceive oh, my dear, dear friend ! But hold, you
are in the plot the ring is your's you are
in the plot ! (Ragefully.)
Alex. Believe me Don Gafper
Gafp. Oh, what a beetle, what a bat, I have
been ! but I'll repay your jeft with intereft." In
the firft place and that's only for a beginning
mind me, only for a beginning my Octavio
fhall never marry your daughter. How d'ye like
that jeft? Oh what a blind blind oh! (Going
o/Jlamping.)
Alex, (going after him) My dear Don Gafper,
my friend, my worthy friend, I entreat Zounds !
he's gone ! If it had not been for his choak-pear
about O&avio, how I could laugh. Why, what
the plague did that impertinent Don Julio take
fuch a liberty with my ring for ? how dared he
haul me head and ears into his fcheme, to laugh
at his worthy uncle ? But zooks it is a good laugh
I 2 after
60 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
after all ha, ha, ha but if Gafper now, thro'
fpite, fhoulcl prevent O6tavio's marriage ! What's
to be done ? hang me if I go to bed to night
I'll find out Oclavio wherever he is, make him
fteal my daughter, conclude the marriage, and then
I'll laugh with Julio, 'till my old fides crack. [Exit.
SCENE changes to the Street, before Don
Gafper's.
Enter Don Henry.
He knocks gently at the door.
Hen. I dare not be louder ; but fure the ear of
love can catch the gentleft found !
Rack, (from the balcony") Oh, are you come,
Sir I'll call my lady down.
Hen. Oh hafte ! the minutes fly ; I have fecur'd
a fafe retreat leave all behind, and bring
Antonia only to my arms. {A noife of people
advancing) Hah ! what noife is that ? and lights
too ! they come this way furely 'tis Don Gafper's
voice 1 am breathlefs with my fears.
Gafp. (without) Put out your lights extinguifh
your torches, and be filent.
Hen. Ay, 'tis he mail I plunge this fword into
his bofom, or my own ? oh, either way I'm loft !
(Don Gafper enters, and knocks loudly.)
Gafp. Yes, yes, I'll be a match for his great
grandfires, ring, truft me ! (Knocks again.)
Rachel, (from the balcony) We are juft ready,
Sir have a moment's patience.
' & a Jp- J u ft rea <ty for what ? Oh I am arrived in
the very nick of fome curfed fcheme ! Keep your
fwords drawn, (to his fervants) Come, I'll not give
5 way
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 61
way to fufpicions (he fhall have fair play ap-
pearances may deceive.
The door opens. Anton ia enters.
Henry. Hah ! by Heaven, Antonia we are
ruin'd !
Ant. Where are you, my beft wifhes ? lord of
my vows, and charmer of my foul, where are you?
Henry. Oh heavens ! (half drawing his fword.)
Gafp. Well, well, that may be all meant for me.
Ant. Give me your hand, my love, my life,
and guide me to your bofom the home for which
I pant !
Gafp. Hum that is rather too much, too! I'm
afraid that's too fweet a morfel to be meant for my
chops.
Ant. (groping about} Oh, are you here indeed?
you frighten'd me with your filence. Here take
thefe jewels, and let us hafte away.
Gafp. H-a-h, are you thereabouts, madam ? (be~
tween bis teeth) then I'm cozen'd.
Henry, (afide) To attempt to force her off
would be in vain.
Ant. Will you not fpeak ? do you repent al-
ready ? before poffeflion are you cold, and falfe ?
Gajp. Before ah, ah ! well that's great
comfort. Whatever is defign'd, I am beforehand
with the mifchief, however.
Ant. Am I not to be your wife ? this very day
did we not invoke Heaven to blefs our vows ?
Gafp. Now then 'tis clearly me, and I'll be
mute no longer.
Ant. Oh Henry ! Henry ! (mournfully.')
Gafp. (ftarting) Who doft thou take me for
Henry ? Oh thou perfidious wretch !
Ant.
62 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
Ant. Don Gafper what will become of me ?
Why why are you fo angry, Sir, at my naming
one who in the cold grave cannot rival you ? I
was only going to fay, that Henry would not have
been fo unkindly filent.
Gaff. Was that all indeed, my little Tony?
but 'twas wrong to think upon a young man.
Never let your thoughts run upon a young man,
whether in a grave, or a garret.
Ant. Never, Sir, be allured. Neither in one
place, or the other, will my thoughts ever feek a
lover. But why did you not fpeak ?
Gafp. Faith, you prattled love fo prettily, I
could have heard your little tongue run for ever.
But how came you out fo late, and with thefe
jewels, and parcels ?
Ant. Sir ! I was why Sir
Rachel. Alas, Sir, \ve thought the city was in
arms, and pack'd up our things to fecure 'em.
Lord, Sir, we were fo feared ! about plots, and
robberies, and
Ant. Yes, Sir, terrified to death.
Gafp. Oh it's all quell'd now 'tis all over, my
pretty chuck. As foon as / appear'd amongft 'em,
and threaten'd 'em, and harangued 'em on their
duty, they were as filent as the foft tread of a
thief on a dark ftair-cafe. I am refolv'd fhe {han't
know what a gull 1 was. (afide} Come now let's
in, and join our tender hearts in one.
Ar.t. Pardon me, Sir. Day is on the point of
breaking dear welcome day ! and I am refolv'd
to pafs it unbound by any vows, but thole of love.
Gafp. How !
Ant. In this one point, Sir, I muft govern, or
here 1 vow moil folemnly, never to be yours.
Gafp.
os, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 63
Gafp. Oh its a rafh vow a moft unjuftifiablc
vow !
Rafb. Not fo rafh a vow as that you want her
to make.
Gafp. What's that, minx ?
Rach. Why Sir, with fubmiffion, I fay its mod
rafh and unjuftifiable, for eighteen to rife out of
bed, and go to church, to vow to love fixty-five
and I'll maintain it.
Gafp. But the vow was made, hufley, and all
vows muft be kept religioufly kept ! and there-
fore, though it goes againft me, even this lafl mall
be kept. So come in, my little Tony, and learn
of your nown Hubby, never to break a vow.
(all go in.)
Henry. That fecures me ! Her delicacy is fafe
from infult, and when I fee her next, it mall be
with powers to fupprefs his audacious, fancied
rights, and clofe the neceffity for thefe degrading
a&s for ever. [Exit.
SCENE changes to Don Alexis'j Garden.
He enters, leading In O&avio.
Alex. Gad I am glad I found ye 'twas devilifli
lucky ! Viola is certainly fomewhere in the gar-
den both my wife and Carlota affured me that
fhe was.
Offav. And the ladder of ropes is fufpended
from the place you pointed out.
Alex. Exaclly there I help'd to fix it myfelf
'tis very fecure.
Ottav. The dear little madcap muft have her
way ; but 'tis ftrange fhe prefers fcaling a wall at
midnight, to walking quietly thro' the gate in the
funfhine. Hift ! I hear the tread of gentle feet.
Alex.
64 SCHOOL foR GREYBEARDS;
Alex. Then I'm off. If (he ftiould find us to-
gether, the perverfe baggage would fufpeft our
intelligence, and that would fpoil all fo I'm
off! (lowering his voice.) [Exit.
Oftav. In a few hours, expeft us at your feet
afking pardon and bleffing. (Apaufe.) Charming
Viola, appear ! I hear you not ; yet by the foft
influence about me, I am fure you are near.
What delightful faculty is this, which allows us to
be confcious of the pretence of the objecl: we adore,
without the vulgar intervention of the fenfes ?
It muft be the privilege of pureft love !
Seraph, (entering.) The privilege of fancy-
all mere fancy; tho' you would 'exalt it into a
faculty !
0?av. Hah, my charmer ! (catching her in his
arms) faculties, and fancies, are now equally no-
thing ; all loft in tranfport, at rinding thee in
my arms.
Seraph. I proteft I begin to believe you very
dangerous. I infifl on your quitting me this in-
ftant. (breaking from him) Heavens what a fitua-
tion ! in the arms of a man alone in a garden,
at two o'clock in the morning ? (Afide.)
Otfav. What doft think of, fweet angel ?
Seraph. That the fooner we are out of this
place the better.
Ottav. (Afide.) Suppofe I fecure her mine ! I
almoft fear fome new caprice and if I miftake
not, her little heart flutters at this moment, in
unifon with my own. Dear bewitching woman,
let me once more tafte
Seraph. Hold, Sir ! or by all that's good
(breaking from him) I never knew till now what
rcjijlance meant. (Afide.)
Otfav.
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 65
Oftav. By heavens I will not lofe this charm-
ing moment !
Seraph. Then you lofe me for ever make
your ele&ion !
Oftav. This moment is prefented to us by love
let us prove ourfelves worthy of the boon !
Seraph. How ? by difgracing love ?
Otfav. We'll argue that point hereafter; but
now .-
Seraph. Hold, Sir I am neither blind to your
intention, nor to my own danger but know you
are meditating an irremediable crime !
Offav. How irremediable ? Love itfelfihall re-
medy the crimes it makes.
Seraph. Hah ! you know not what you fpeak
of, nor can I explain myfelf but let us fly !
Oftav. Then we -will fly my little trembler, and
Hymen (hall
Seraph. Yet flay I cannot go with you alone
'you muft confent that a lady accompanies us.
Ofiav. Who ?
Straph. No matter. You muft promife me,
without afking queftions, to conduct her fafely to
Don Sebaftian ; and then to conduct me in fafety
to your father's.
Offav. To my ghoftly father you mean to a
pried ?
Seraph. No, to Don Gafper on thofe terms I
fcale the wall with you, and on no other.
Otfav. It is odd, and myfterious ; but I'll fcale
walls with you on any terms. Where is the lady ?
Seraph. We mall find her in the next walk
oh, no, fhe is haft'ning hither. (Enter Viola,
veil'd.) Come fair damfel, this is the valourous
knight who is to conduct us thro' all the inter-
vening dragons, and giants, to the quiet and fober
K pale
66 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
pale of matrimony where we mall grow good,
and ftupid : (drawling) and recollect the kind ac-
tion of this night, with matronly thankfulnefs and
decency.
Ottav. (Afide.} Tis a vile thought, and flicks moft
indigeftibly ! Why mufl love be thus fhackled ? I
feel I mall repent, and leap the pale ; but I am
fairly caught now, and mud fubmit. Come my
little fawns ! take each an arm. E-gad, let us
make hafte, or fome unlucky ideas, which are
growing rather ponderous, will prevent my flight
over the wall !
Seraph. I'll be har>g'd if it is not the idea of
matrimony you find fo heavy ! but be of good
comfort, Signer, and make fpeed your fate has
prepared a confolation you little expeci. [Exeunt.
SCENE, Don Gafper's. He enters.
Gajp. Well, day at laft is broad awake; and
the vile night, which cloaks fo many fchemes, and
villainous plots, againft the peace of wary hufbands,
is pafs'd away and all hath gone well ! yes, all
hath gone well, except with my poor aching bones,
and fkeplefs eyes. Spent all thefe hours upon a
mat at Antonia's chamber door dared not leave
it. Truly {he is a treafure, but if to fecure it I
muft fag out the remnant of my life in thefe a-
larms, and fears, and mifgivings. Well, well,
'tis too late now to think about that ; my hour is
come ! (Dolefully.)
Enter a Servant.
Serv. Don Oclavio, and a lady, Sir. [Exit.
[Oclavio enters, leading Seraphina, veil'd.
Oftav. Permit me, Sir, to afk your protection
for
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 67
for this lady for a few hours ; if you knew her,
you would think fhe had a right to claim it.
Gafp. To claim it why, who is fhe ?
Oftav. That I am forbid to tell do you re-
leafe me from my promife, madam ?
Seraph. No, certainly j and yet if I did, it
were much the fame thing, for you do not know
me.
Gafp. Not know the lady !
Seraph. Believe me he does notj and yet if
you afk him, he'll fwear he does.
Octav. Surely, tho' you are veil'd, I can fwear
you are the fame fweet melting creature, who in a
certain garden
Seraph. Found herfelf in your arms ; and after-
wards leapt the wall with you that you may fafely
fwear.
Oftav. Yet I know you not ha, ha, ha, per-
mit me (apart'} Perhaps you'll deny being her,
whom I am to marry to day ?
Seraph. Oh, no I fwear I will marry you to
day, if Don Alexis gives confent.
Offav. We have more than his confent his
ardent wifhes.
Seraph. Yet I (hall not be your's.
Offav. Why, what a fweet enigmatical charmer
you are !
Seraph, (to Don Go/per} If I miftake not, Sir,
this houfe has a miflrefs may I be permitted to
wait on Donna Antonia ?
Gafp. Madam ma Ociavio! (Wfofpers.y
Offat). Oh yes, of rank and reputation but a
little capricious.
Gajp. Pardon me, madam ! I will wait on you
K 2 to
68 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
to Antonia's apartment, 1 fhan't care to leave
them together tho' ! (dfidc.)
[Exit, leading Seraphina.
Oftav. What can fhe mean with her riddle-me-
rees ? I am perplex'd (Sebaftian enters -with Viola.')
Hah Don Sebaftian ! What the weighty ceremony
fo lightly over? Madam, I with you all the joys
which belong to your new ftate. Dear Sebaftian
(taking him ajide) tell me^ how doft feel ?
Sebaf. Feel!
Offav. Ayj in a few hours I mall be in the
fame clafs, and I want to guefs how it is.
Sebaf. If you love as I do, you'll feel as I
do bleft!
Offav. I fear all you married rogues are fo
many decoy ducks j you look up with envy, and
cry quake, quake t to your fellows at large; and
\vhen you have coax'd us into the fnare, clap your
wings, and exult.
Viola, (running to Sebaftian.} Oh, I hear my
father's voice I would not have him fee you at
this inftant. (Apart,) Pardon my freedom Don
O&avio, but it will be infinitely kind if you'll both
leave me.
Sebaf. Thofe fears are idle my charmer the
moment mujl arrive.
Viola. Nay, do not flay -to argue, but oblige
roe!
Ofiav. What, Sir, fo much of a hufband in
half an hour, as to difpute a command? I'll take
him to tafk, madam, and give him a lefTon on
obedience. [Exeunt.
Alexis, (without) Oftavio, and a lady veil'd?
(entering) then all is right! Hah Viola! well,
tell me, is it all over are you married ?
Viola. Yes, Sir.
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 69
Akx. Yes, Sir enough faid ! ha, ha, ha, now
I can laugh at Gafper, and enjoy Don Julio's
joke ha, ha, ha and you too you have been
finely nick'd I have been oblig'd to cheat you
into marrying the man you liked ha, ha, ha >
Viola. Oh, Sir, forgive what I have done !
Alex. Forgive thee, my girl ! ay that 1 will*
here's my hand upon't. Hah Don Gafper ! (be
enters) your moft obedient very humble iervant 1
How do you find yourfelf after your laft night's
whim, Sir? My feal-ring is at your fervice, at
any time, Don Gafper ha, ha, ha, two jokes
at once I fhall laugh now, 'till I am a grand-
father.
Gafp. If you laugh till my Oftavio makes you
a grandfather, it will be a very long fie I pro-
mife ye.
Alex. D'ye think fo ? I'll truft him !
Gafp. He is now in the next room, at the feet
of a young lady, whofe charms are fufficient, I
truft, to blot thofe of your daughter from his heart.
Alex. What's that ? Odavio at the feet of a
lady ! d'ye hear that, Viola ?
Gafp. Your daughter Pardon me, fair lady !
Akx. Ay, Sir, and your daughter too your
daughter ! Let me fee you encourage her huf-
band to kneel to other women in your houfe.
Gafp. Her hufband ha, ha, ha.
Alex. Zounds, Sir, this is no laughing matter
how dare you, Sir Why, Viola, why don't
you rave and ftorm, as women do on thefe occa-
fions ?
Viola. Alas, Sir ! I have no right.
Alex. No right ! I fhall fee that. Here Don
Oftavio, I fay-! The very day of his marriage
nay within the hour 1 (Enter Oftavio.}
Ofiav.
70 SCHOOL FOR G<REYBEARDSj
Oftav. Don Alexis your pleafure ?
Alex. Mv pleafuir. Sir, is, that Zounds !
that your plcaiure fhall be with my daughter.
Oftav. 'Tis very kind nothing can make me
fo happy.
Alex. Then what the devil do you mean by
by your father fays you were at the feet of a lady.
Offav. I was.
Alex. You was !
Offav. Why fhould that offend you ? Do you
not wifh me to love your daughter ?
Alex. Love my daughter, and kneel to another !
Offav. All miftake, Sir another ! I'll con-
vince you that Viola alone (going to the wing}
here fhe comes ! the dear lively girl ! who leapt
a garden wall, to give a fober marriage the air
of a romance.
Akx. Cons ! where am I ? are not you my
daughter ? (twitching off Viola's veil) yes. Did
you not leap the wall with him ?
Viola. Yes, Sir.
Alex. And are you not married ?
Viola. I am indeed ! 'cwtfeying.)
Alex. And did you, Madam, leap a wall?
Seraph. Yes, Sir.
Alex. And are you married too ?
Seraph. I am, indeed ! (throws up her veil, and
twtfeys.)
^lex. My wife Oons my wife !
Qffav. Amazement ! his wife !
Gajp. His wife leap the wall with my Oclavio
ha, ha, ha. I'll add another five hundred moi-
dores to your yearly allowance, for that my boy !
Prithee, dear Don, indulge your laugh ; you were
in a very fine vein a minute ago ha, ha, ha
now laugh till you're a grandfather !
I Seraph.
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 71
Seraph. Don Octavio, I have ufed you ill - y but
I truft your generofity will pardon my taking ad-
vantage of your partiality for me, to ferve two
amiable and faithful lovers.
Otfav. You have ufed me ill, indeed ! yet hang
it, come, I am not married I am not married
however ! (afide) Yes, Madam, I can forgive you,\
but how (hall I forgive inylelf? I had you oh,
diftraftion ! I had you alone amidft the confci-
ous (hades of night and in my power !
Seraph. Pardon me, Sir! no woman can be
alone, nor in the power of any man, whiHl fhe
refpecls herlelf, and is guarded by a fenfe of her
duty. You fee, Don Alexis, what benefits arife
from plotting without a woman. Ha, ha, ha.
Alex. Oh, I (hall be mad ! fo it was my wife,
then, to whom you were kneeling? and it was
you whom I prefs'd yefterday to grant him fome
final 1 favours?
Seraph. Juft fo, my fweet Hubby !
Alex. Oh!-
Gafp. Come, be merry, old Gentleman. A
companion for your feal ring two jokes at once,
ha, ha, ha.
Alex. Ay, you have it all to nothing now. And
you have the impudence to love my wife ? (to
Oftavio.)
Qcla-o. More than ever, now there's no danger
of matrimony.
Akx. And you are now confidering when you
(hall make me a a fatyr, eh ? come, be frank-
when is it to be ?
Ottav. Faith, I wifli I could tell.
Seraph. I will anfwer for him ! it fhall be
never; whilft you repofe a generous confidence in
me a and allow me to be the guardian of my own
honour. (Don Gafp. goes out,}
Offav.
72 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS;
Oftav. Now I intreat you, my dear Don Alexk,
be a very tyrant! fufpeft her, watch her, and
confine her will you be fo much my friend?
Alex. I don't know what I fhall be yet; both
as hufband and father, I have ingenioufly con-
trived to bite my felf moft d n bly ! As for you,
Madam, (to Viola) bread and water, and a dark
chamber, fhall be your lot
Stbaf. (entering) No, Sir,/ am the arbiter of
her lot ; however, I confirm half your punifhment ;
and a dark chamber me fhall certainly have *.
Alex. What then, thou art really married and
married to Sebaftian !
Viola. Dear, Sir, you aflured me, that of the
two fools you preferred him.
Alex. Yes, but I depended on your perverfe-
nefs, hufley?
Gaff' (Leading in Antonia) Come, you, who
have not feen my little pet, behold her Nay, I
prefent her to ye all, as the pattern of meeknefs
and perfecl: love Oh its a fweet pudfey.
Ant. Meeknefs, alas ! you fhould not anfwer
for; you know I am a woman. My perfect love,
indeed you may the world has not a heart fo
truly wedded as Antonia's behold its matter-
its lawful lord, my hufband ! (Pointing to ihe
tppofite door.)
Don Henry, (entering) Come, my Antonia, to
his arms ! Yes, I am thy hufband now I ftand
boldly forward, and proclaim my title I am thy
hufband ! that dear diflinftion which heaven has
bleft me with, heaven only fhall reclaim!
Offav. What ! am I to loie my mother as well
as my wife ?
* This is the expreffion, I am told, whickhad nearly prov'd
fatal to the Comedy. I mould not have printed it, but from
the refolution I have religioufly kept, of reftoring every thing
that was objected to. Alex.
OR, THE MOURNING BRIDE. 73
Alex. (To Gaff.) Your nephew ! why is this
full moon ? We are all going to run out of our
wits.
Seraph. Don't be difhearten'd tho* it fhould
be fo Tou'll not have far to run !
Gafp. Why Julio, what in the name of .
Henry. No, Sir not Julio, but Don Henry.
That Don Henry whom you fo bafely reported
to be dead ; that you might difhonour him in
fecurity.
Gafp. How ! why why you are dead as
good as dead ; you are dead in law you are
outlaw'd, banifh'd
Henry. No, Sir, neither reftored to my
country ! Behold my pardon ! (Shews a paper.)
Gafp. Your pardon ! hum ! Now, then I fee
the whole ; I muft be telling my fecrets, with a
devil to it ! Well you got it through me you
know you may thank the mufic of my moidores
for that dance !
Henry. No, Sir ! (throwing down a purfe} there
is the gold you bafely barter'd for the pardon
you folicited. My pardon I obtain'd from the
hands of majefty itfelf from our gracious queen !
Oh, when her kingdom's foes provoke correction
from her fubjedls arms, then fhall my fword
again be drawn, nor afk forgivenefs for its ardent
duty !
Gafp. Well, very well but what has your
pardon to do with my wife ? (putting her behind
him} What have you to do with Tony ?
Henry. She is my wife; made mine by contract,
before you deftin'd her the blifs of being your's.
Pardon me then, my fweet Antonia ! (taking her
from Gaffer} if I deprive you of this venerable
charmer, and give you in his place a hufband !
L
74 SCHOOL FOR GREYBEARDS, &c.
Alex. Hum ! hum ! (Sings.)
Once I was a merry old man,
But now the cafe is chang'd !
Who could have thought that my old feal ring
would ever have been a talifman to make lovers
happy > and fave a Greybeard from folly ?
Seraph. Come Don Gafper, let me advife you
to think your lofs a gain you fee in your humble
fervant, what mifchievous creatures young wives
are ; fhe'd plague your heart out, as I cjo my old
hufband's.
Alex. Faith (he fays true. A minute ago I
thought the laugh on my fide ; but 'tis ftill on your
own. You have loft a young \vife, and I have
found one.
Gqfp. Why, to fay truth, if it were not that at
prcfent I feel a little aukward, and don't know
very well which way to look. As to your con-
tract I might perhaps difpute its powers, but as
here is a ftroke or two of mine, which may be, I
fhan't be forry to have drop'd, e'en go to church
i'gad's name ; and when ye come home beware of
plots and feal rings !
Ant. This is generous ! The fentiments you
profefs'd for me I fee will be converted to a more
decent regard, and we mall all be united in the
bands of charming friendmip.
Alex. Gad this looks like a fort of general
iamnefty fo let the frolick go round ! But dare
my faults hope forgivenefs here? (to the hoiife.)
Yes; I am on this fpot an old offender; and
have fo often gratefully experienced the candour
of my judges, that I trull now to meet their par-
4iw aud'invoke the gracious fign !
FINIS,
EPILOGUE,
BY MR. C O B B.
SPOKEN BY MISS FARREN.
Mourning Bride ! that wou'd be fomething new
(That I'm a Mourning Hufband is too true,
Cries old Sir Tefty in his gouty chair,)
" Ah could I wedlock's fatal (lip repair !
" But young wives are a fort of flying gout,
" Torments for which no cure was e'er found out ;
* Both old men's plagues, to punifh youthful tricks,
" Equally difficult, I fear, to fix.
" Of wife and gout alike 1 ftand in dread,
" For both, alas ! fometimes affect the head."
Thus rail old cynics, ftriving to difparage
The charming filken ties of modern marriage.
In former times, when folks agreed to wed,
The filent bride by filent bridegroom led,
Up to the altar march'd in folemn itate,
All was demure, and ftupidly fedate.
Imprefs'd with awe, while neither dar'd to fpeak,
A wedding was a mere Ballet Tragique.
Thank Heav'n we're paft the ages of romance ;
Wedlock is now a kind of country dance,
Where man and wife with fmiles each other greet,
Take hands, change fides, and part as foon as meet ;
Pleafure's foft accents ev'ry care difpel,
While Hymen fiddles Vive la Bagatelle.
Bleft age ! when ceremony's chains are worn,
Like bracelets, not to fetter, but adorn.
When we afiume deep mourning's fable fhew,
'Tis etiquette prefcribes the form of woe :
Whate'er ourlofs, we muft have fafliion's leave,
Ere we can venture decently to grieve.
Blamelefs
EPILOGUE.
Blamelefs the heir, o'er the dear parchment chuckles,
It" he's unpovvder'd, and puts on black buckles,
Till the grey frock fpeaks his firft anguifh o'er,
And he's but half as wretched as before.
Ere the gay widow firft abroad is feen,
Deck'd in exhilarating bombazeen,
While the dear Col'nel vifits unfufpe&ed,
And (he's as well as could have been expected ;
Cuftom's indulgence wifely does fhe borrow,
In cards of compliments exhaufts her forrow j
Of tears her black-edg'd paper fills the place,
Mourns as her proxy, and preferves her face. ""
Our Mourning Bride, who with no forrow labours,
And mourns but in appearance^ like her neighbours,
Tho' forc'd by etiquette, good humour loves, as well")
as any- here,
Bleft in the fate which' thefe kind fmiles decree her,
She hopes her friends will often come to fee her. J
^Tlje following NEW PIECES, written by Mrs. C o w L E Y,
may be had of MeJJrs. ROBINSON, Pater-nofter-Roiu.
1. The RUNAWAY, a Comedy, Price is. 6d.
2. ALB.INA, a Tragedy, is. 6d.
3. WHO'S THE DUPE? a Farce, is.
4. BELLE'S STRATAGEM, a Comedy, is. 6d.
5. WHIC^H is THE MAN ? a Comedy, is. 6d.
6. BOLD S-TR.OKE FOR A HUSBAND, a Comedy, is. 6d.
7 MORE WAYS THAN ONE, a Comedy, is. 6u.
8. Firit Part of THE MAID OF ARRAGON, a Poem, 4to.
2S. 6d.
9. The SCOTTISH VILLAGE, a Poem, 410. as.
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