THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES 
 
 I
 
 
 tn 


 
 ESPERANCE. 
 
 BY 
 
 META LANDER, 
 
 AUTHOR OP "LIGHT ON THE DARK RIVER," " MARION GRAHAM," 
 ETC., ETC. 
 
 . 
 
 NEW YORK: 
 SHELDON AND COMPANY. 
 
 1865.
 
 , 
 
 Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1865, by 
 SHELDON AND COMPANY, 
 
 In the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Southern District of 
 New York. 
 
 STEREOTYPED AT THE 
 
 BOSTON STEREOTYPE FOUNDRY, 
 
 No. k Spring Lane.
 
 PS 
 
 TO YOU, 
 
 U E FIBS T-B R N, 
 
 MY SWEET " SUMMER-CHILD," 
 I DEDICATE THIS UNPRETENDING STORY. 
 
 IT WILL SERVE, 
 
 IN FUTURE YEARS, TO REMIND YOU OF YOUR SUNNY GIRLHOOD, 
 
 WHEN WE TALKED OVER ITS CHARACTERS AND SCENES; 
 
 OF THE OLD "INGLE-SIDE," AND THE 
 
 LOVE THAT HALLOWED IT. 
 
 1318621
 
 " Passion, rapture, and blindness, 
 
 Yearning, aching, and fears, 
 And Faith and Duty gazing 
 With steadfast eyes through tears. 
 
 I gee or the glory blinds me 
 
 Of a soul divinely fair 
 Peace after great tribulation, 
 
 And Victory hung in the air." 
 
 LADY OF LA GAEATE.
 
 ESPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 How well I remember that scene, child as I was when 
 it was daguerreotyped on my memory ! Yellow rays of 
 sunshine stole in through the western windows, and floated 
 up and down the room. Sometimes they lay quivering upon 
 the opposite wall, and again the golden-footed visitors danced 
 awhile on the tall bed-posts. Then they would sink down 
 upon the white counterpane, where the bright, tremulous 
 spots contrasted strangely with that pale, mournful face. 
 My mother breathed quietly now, and her wonted, care 
 worn expression had given place to one of great peace. 
 The little, nameless new-comer lay close beside her, with 
 its short, quick breathing, as if in a hurry to get through 
 life. 
 
 Suddenly my mother opened her eyes, and caught mine as 
 I sat gazing upon her. 
 
 " You are still here," she said, in a faint voice. 
 
 " Yes, mamma." 
 
 Placing her thin, feverish hand upon my head, she con 
 tinued, 
 
 " Be more patient, dear Hope, and do your best to supply 
 the place of a mother to my poor little ones. And be care- 
 1* (5)-
 
 6 .ESPERANCE. 
 
 ful to treat your father with respect, endeavoring to please 
 him in everything. Look to God, and he will help you in 
 all your difficulties." 
 
 The words came slowly, and brought a leaden weight, for 
 I knew what they meant. Tenderly stroking my head, she 
 added, 
 
 " Seek to moderate your impulses, and to feel less acutely. 
 And when there comes a strong temptation, think of your 
 mother. I have entire confidence in you, my darling. Now 
 kiss me, and then say to your father that I am anxious to 
 see him a few minutes." 
 
 Choking back the sobs that would have convulsed me, I 
 tapped at my father's chamber door, and briefly delivered my 
 message. Then going back, I seated myself in a corner of 
 the room. My mother's eyes were closed, though whether 
 she was asleep, or absorbed in thought, I could not tell. 
 But she was evidently not aware of my presence. 
 
 In about five minutes, my father's step was heard, and I 
 could perceive the faintest flush steal over her white cheek, 
 while her eyes at once opened. 
 
 "How do you find yourself this evening, Mrs. Frazer?" 
 asked he, in his ordinary cool voice. 
 
 " Failing rapidly. But I cannot die in peace without a 
 few words. Will you not sit beside me ? " 
 
 He complied, though with evident reluctance, and she held 
 out her hand to him. 
 
 " I trust you are not intending to get up any scenes," said 
 he, taking no notice of her movement. " You know I detest 
 them, and besides, your physician says excitement is the 
 worst thing for you." 
 
 My heai't beat fast as I observed my mother's troubled
 
 ESPEEANCE. 7 
 
 countenance, for I sat where I could see without being seen. 
 I had not intended to be an intruder, but returned simply 
 because I could not bear to be away from the sick chamber. 
 And now I was afraid to move, for I dreaded my father's 
 severe look. 
 
 " I simply wish to ask your forgiveness for any failure in 
 my duties as a wife, and to bespeak your tenderness for the 
 little flock I am leaving." 
 
 " Such a failure as yours, Mrs. Frazer, is always a failure. 
 You began with deceiving me, and therefore I have never 
 bestowed on you my confidence." 
 
 " I implore you to hear my dying words. In all the years 
 of our married life, you have refused to listen to my expla 
 nations ; but now " 
 
 " No use in explanations. Many would at once have de 
 serted you ; but I have not only forborne reproaches, but 
 have treated you with respect as the mother of my children." 
 
 " I have but a word to say, and I implore you to hear me. 
 My sin was a weak yielding to another. When you asked 
 my hand, I declined it, as you know. My mother reproached 
 me, saying that nothing else would save us from abject pov 
 erty. And for many days I was so harassed with her en 
 treaties, that at length I was overpowered. You remember 
 that when you came the second time, I made no reply, ex 
 cept by tears, and that was taken for consent. I never 
 wished to deceive you, God knows. The rest I need not 
 recall." 
 
 " No, Mrs. Frazer. I well remember the delightful con 
 versation I overheard between you and your mother. I had 
 the great satisfaction of hearing you assure her that you had 
 not loved me, and that you never could; that you loved
 
 8 ESPERANCE. 
 
 another, and that she had ruined your happiness. An agree 
 able reward truly for my condescension ! " 
 
 " My mother had said some things which stung me to the 
 quick, or those rash words would never have been uttered. 
 I earnestly implored your forgiveness, and have ever since 
 tried to be a meek and faithful wife." 
 
 " But those words were true, and therefore they were 
 never forgiven," replied my father, in the most frigid manner. 
 
 " Let that go. I will say no more for myself. But hear 
 a mother's plea. I know Hope is abrupt and headstrong 
 that she does not please you ; but I entreat your forbearance, 
 your kindness towards her ; for, after all, she is your child." 
 
 To this appeal my father replied in bitterly sarcastic 
 tones. Though I did not .comprehend his words, yet I saw, 
 from their effect on my poor mother, that they conveyed 
 some terrible implication. He had hardly commenced when 
 her eyes began to dilate with horror ; and before he had 
 ceased speaking, a piercing shriek escaped her, while the 
 blood gushed from her mouth. 
 
 It was more than I could bear. Springing from my cor 
 ner, in impotent rage I lifted my foolish hand, and struck 
 my father, exclaiming, 
 
 "You wicked man, you have killed my darling mother." 
 
 The look of hate that stamped his stern face, and that of 
 imploring agony that came over hers, are still engraved on 
 my remembrance. He raised his hand, but suddenly arrest 
 ing himself, with forced composure said to me, 
 
 " Take the baby," she had waked crying, "and send 
 in the nurse. And mark me, if you ever utter one word of 
 this scene to any human being, I will turn you out of doors." 
 
 As I mechanically lifted the little one, my eye fell on my
 
 ESPEB ANCB. 9 
 
 mother's pallid face. My father was holding a smelling bot 
 tle to her nose, while the blood still oozed from between her 
 lips. As I left the room, I met her eyes fixed upon me with 
 the most tender pity and entreaty, and then saw her lift them 
 to heaven. When the baby was disposed of, I softly crept 
 back to the chamber which contained my world. My father 
 did not notice me at first, for he was occupied with the inva 
 lid. I thought he looked sorry for his unkindness, and it 
 made me feel less bitterly. But suddenly his eye fell on 
 mine. For her sake that lay there, as I think, he gently 
 told me I had better leave the chamber. But when fairly 
 out of hearing, he sternly forbade my entering the sick 
 room, and then added, in a low but distinct voice, that he 
 had an account with me, which he should not fail to settle 
 some day. " 4 
 
 I never again saw my adored mother alive, for she did not 
 survive many hours. I would have braved anything for one 
 more sight of her ; but the nurse, too, had her orders, and 
 dared not resist my father's will. 
 
 " The baby has gone to her mother, poor thing," said 
 Nancy, when she came to my room the next night. 
 
 " I wish I was dead, too," I exclaimed, bursting into 
 tears. 
 
 " Poor child, don't talk so. You must live and be a kind 
 sister to the rest of the children." 
 
 Telling her I could not go to sleep, I persuaded her to 
 leave me. And there I sat, looking out of the window, till 
 my eyes were heavy with weariness. Then I threw myself 
 upon the bed, and fell into an uneasy slumber, dreaming of 
 ghostly faces, and coffins, and hearses suspended above me. 
 Waking suddenly, I sprang up. The moonbeams fell upon
 
 10 ESPERANCE. 
 
 the wall, giving a weird aspect to a white dress that hung 
 there. I sat shivering with nameless dread, till the sudden 
 desire to see my dead mother seized me. I started instantly, 
 treading softly along the broad hall, and down a flight of 
 stairs, and then turning to the right hand into the familiar 
 room. At first I drew back in terror ; but summoning reso 
 lution, I ventured in. 
 
 On a table, in the centre of the room, lay a coffin. I 
 noticed it, even at that awful moment, as a handsome one, 
 suited to the respectability of the family. I approached it, 
 but the lid was closed. I slowly turned it back. I have 
 always wondered how I dared do it ; but my desire to see 
 my mother was so intense, that I should have shrunk from 
 almost nothing to accomplish it. Two tall wax candles 
 made the white face on which I looked down still whiter. 
 That anxious brow was placid as an infant's slumber, and 
 round the mouth lingered that angelic smile which I have 
 since so often seen upon the face of the dead. And there, 
 in her arms, lay the youngest of- her flock, safely sheltered 
 from all life's sorrows. 
 
 With silent awe I touched that pale cheek to which mine 
 had so often been pressed. It sent an icy shudder through 
 me. The tears began to drop, and one or two fell on that 
 marble face. I took my handkerchief and softly wiped them 
 away. While doing this, I heard a slow step, and in a mo 
 ment my father and I stood face to face with the dead. 
 
 " What are you doing here, Hope? " 
 
 The only answer I could give was to lift my streaming 
 eyes and falter forth, " I want mamma." My sorrow- 
 stricken aspect must have disarmed him, for he said less 
 harshly,
 
 I 
 
 ESPER ANCE. 11 
 
 " You ought not to be up at this hour. Go now." 
 I felt so utterly desolate that I longed to throw my arms 
 round his neck, and beg him to love me ; but my voice died 
 away, and I glided from the room. Lingering outside the 
 door, I heard my father groan, and caught the half-uttered 
 words, " Poor Mary ! I have been too severe. I may have 
 been unjust." 
 
 I went back slowly to my room, wondering if the dead 
 can hear our cries of penitence and remorse. Oh, my mother, 
 my mother !
 
 12 ESPEB ANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 THE funeral was over, and things had settled down into 
 their ordinary formal routine. As for myself, I was almost 
 constantly in tears, and I have no doubt my thin, wan face 
 vexed my father. I once overheard our nurse say to him, 
 
 " I don't know what to do with Miss Hope, for she's 
 fretting after her mother the whole time as I never saw a 
 child afore. And every day she goes off alone to the grave." 
 
 " Her disposition is an unhappy one," he replied, " and 
 she always makes the most of her troubles. I shall forbid 
 her going there." 
 
 One day I strolled out, as I often did, into a grove belong 
 ing to the premises. It was one of those sad autumnal days, 
 on which even happy people are wont to feel melancholy. 
 The richest colors were blended in the leaves, and the sun, as 
 it struggled through the foliage, kindled them into a bril 
 liancy which seemed to mock my sorrow. The beautiful 
 Catskill Mountains looked almost as distant through the haze 
 that lay around them, as the heavens above my head ; and 
 they seemed oh so far away ! 
 
 With childish longings for my mother, with whom this 
 was a favorite spot, I threw myself on the grass and wept 
 aloud. Suddenly my father stood before me. 
 
 " Get up, Hope, and stop your whining. And mind that 
 you do not come into this grove again."
 
 ESPERANCE. 13 
 
 " You forbid my going wherever I like to be," I hastily 
 replied. 
 
 " To be sure I do, and purposely. You will get no weak 
 indulgence from me. I am sick of your foolish ado about 
 your mother, and mean to put an end to it." 
 
 I exclaimed, indignantly, 
 
 " You never loved mamma, and you don't care anything 
 about her death." 
 
 I had no sooner uttered the words than I seemed to hear 
 that gentle charge, " Be careful to treat your father with re 
 spect." But it was too late. I have no doubt he had been 
 wishing an opportunity to find fault with me ; for it was not 
 in his nature to forget how I had lifted my puny hand against 
 him, or to rest till he had wiped out such an insult to his dig 
 nity. I had given him what he wanted. White with anger, 
 he said, 
 
 *' I told you I should settle that account with you, and I 
 always keep my word. But you have precipitated your pun 
 ishment by your shameless impudence. Follow me." 
 
 I knew there was no use in resistance, and, with the blood 
 congealed in my veins, I slowly obeyed. He paused in his 
 rapid strides to cut from a birch tree a supple branch, 
 whose destined use I too well divined. Passing into the old- 
 fashioned barn, and going up stairs into a room used as a 
 granary, he locked the door, and bade me prepare for a 
 flogging. My soul rose against him as I angrily replied, 
 
 " It is not for my good that you punish me. You have no 
 right to disgrace me so, and if mamma were alive, you never 
 would." 
 
 This I well knew ; for timid as she was, she was brave to 
 defend her children from wrong. But I was infatuated to 
 2
 
 14 ESPERANCE. 
 
 utter such words. He did not trust himself to speak, but 
 laid hands on me. I resisted with all my strength, for it 
 seemed to me that if I were thus degraded, I could never 
 again hold up my head. Taking out his handkerchief, he 
 said, with forced calmness, 
 
 " You forgot there was such a thing as binding a refrac 
 tory child." 
 
 Terrified by his intimation, I entreated him tq leave me 
 free, promising that I would be perfectly quiet. But he was 
 not the man to relent. Putting it out of my power to make 
 the smallest resistance, he whipped me till my brain reeled, 
 and his anger was exhausted. 
 
 My fiery spirit was effectually humbled. I crept into the 
 house, and sought my pillow, not for rest, but to hide myself, 
 in my prostration and disgrace. There I lay, with an aching 
 head and a bruised and bleeding heart, feeling as if I .had 
 lived a hundred years. It was not necessary to say that I 
 was sick. That was self-evident ; and our nurse, Nancy Be- 
 man, took the liberty she always had, and sent for our family 
 physician. My father happened to meet him in the hall, and, 
 I presume, judged it wise to be present at his examination. 
 
 Dr. Jacob Belden wore one of those broad, good-humored 
 faces that instantly win confidence. His presence in a sick 
 room was like a sunbeam. Not in mine, however. The 
 darkness that lay around me was too dense for even him to 
 dissipate. I fancy he had long divined something of our 
 family history : he may have caught a glimpse of the hid 
 den skeleton ; but, like a wise doctor, he knew how to keep 
 his own counsel. Rubbing his hands in his peculiar fashion, 
 he sidled up to me as I lay with my face to the wall, and in 
 a cheery voice called out,
 
 ESPERANCE. 15 
 
 " Well, Miss Hope, young girls like you ought to be alive 
 and stirring. There must be some extra attraction about 
 your bed, that makes you cling to it, as Nancy tells me you 
 do. Come child, turn round and let a body have a look 
 at you." 
 
 Drearily I obeyed. His face immediately assumed an 
 anxious expression. 
 
 "Why, how is this?" he said, turning to my father. 
 "She looks all of ten years older than when I last saw her." 
 And he put his fingers on my pulse. 
 
 " She is always fretting after her mother," replied he, 
 frowning. 
 
 " Strange, strange ! " continued the doctor, as he looked 
 at my tongue, and then gave me a general survey. 
 
 " Why, it's not the complaint of a child, but of a grown 
 woman a real nervous prostration. Unaccountable ! 
 and yet I always knew she was a very sensitive child," 
 added he in an undertone, as if talking to himself. " Faith ! 
 but she must be taken good care of she must indeed." 
 
 And he laid his large hand so tenderly on my forehead, 
 that I could have wept, had there been any tears in the foun 
 tain. But no such luxury was granted me. My young heart 
 had been turned into a desert, in which were smouldering the 
 ruins of my childhood. 
 
 And there I lay for days and weeks, gazing at one spot 
 upon the walls whenever my eyes were open, and when shut, 
 always seeing that barn-chamber, where the life of my soul 
 had been crushed out. Every beam of the room, every box 
 and barrel as ranged against the wall, was distinctly before 
 me ; and I even recalled a broken pane of glass and the cob 
 webs that hung around it. Perpetually I lived over that
 
 16 ESPERANCE. 
 
 scene, till my spirit seemed literally consumed. Every hope 
 and joy, every desire and emotion, seemed to have died out 
 of me every thing but shall I say it ? a feeling of 
 hate to the man who had so trampled down my feminine 
 instincts. 
 
 I had always been a mature child. Love for my mother 
 seemed to have quickened all my powers, and I thought and 
 felt as few children do. But, as Dr. Belden said, I had sud 
 denly grown old, as if the cares and sorrows of years had 
 been piled upon me. And alas ! that burning hate in so 
 young a heart ! it was like the hot breath of the simoom. 
 
 My mother had early taught me to go to my heavenly 
 Father for pardon and strength. But now all prayer was 
 over. I felt that I could not offer the petition, " Forgive us 
 our trespasses, as we forgive those that trespass against us." 
 Indeed, I did not want to pray to One who bad ordained for 
 me such suffering. And I strove to banish the image of my 
 mother as something too holy to dwell in my thoughts. 
 
 The good doctor called every other day, my father always 
 coming with him ; and the same process was regularly gone 
 through. It so happened that on one of the alternate days 
 my father went out of town. Contrary to his custom, Dr. 
 Belden called that day, also. Sitting beside the bed, he took 
 my cold hand in his, and began to chafe it, talking while he 
 did so. 
 
 " I have been trying to catch you alone, miss, and to 
 catechise you as I pleased. And since I have done so, I 
 must improve my chance. Now, my little old-faced Hope, 
 for you look as wise as any woman of them all, you must 
 open your heart, and tell me exactly what ails you. No use 
 in dodging the question, child, for where there is an effect,
 
 ESPEEANCE. 17 
 
 there must always have been a cause. Don't shake your 
 head, and fix your great eyes upon me so despairingly. It 
 is enough to scare a jolly old fellow like me, to see a young 
 girl pining away so under some sorrow which she hugs up 
 into her foolish little heart. I told wife that if I did not 
 succeed, I should send her here to see what a woman can 
 do. Come, child, open your mouth, and make a clean breast 
 of it, or I shall never cure you up." 
 
 " I don't want you to," I replied, languidly ; "I had rath 
 er die than get well." 
 
 " Whew ! That's altogether too desperate a condition for 
 a mere child. What in the world have they been doing to 
 you, I wonder. To be sure, we will cure you up, and in 
 short metre." 
 
 " I have nothing to live for." 
 
 " Tut, tut ! Why, there's your brother Horatio ; and 
 there's Joy and Ada, who have no mother, and need all the 
 love you can give them.'*' 
 
 A pang shot through me, for I recalled those dying words, 
 " Try to supply the place of a mother to my poor little ones." 
 But she did not know how soon my heart would be con 
 gealed. 
 
 At that moment a carriage drove up the avenue. 
 
 " Whew ! " exclaimed the doctor ; " your father has come, 
 and might be up to suspicions, should he find me here. So, 
 while he is entering at the front door, I will whip out at the 
 side door, as I whipped in." 
 
 And giving me a hasty kiss, he was away. 
 
 The next day he made his usual call, accompanied by my 
 father. 
 
 . " We must contrive some change for her," said he, after 
 2*
 
 18 ESPERANCE. 
 
 feeling my pulse. " She is making no progress at all. I'll 
 tell you what it is : you know I have a farm out at Pinck- 
 ney, and wife and daughter are going out there for a few 
 weeks. Our little girl here must go too." 
 
 I shook my head, shrinking from the very thought of leav 
 ing my chamber. 
 
 " But, as your physician, I prescribe it, Miss Hope ; and 
 if your father enforces my orders, as of course he will, I 
 shall call Friday and take you out."
 
 ESPERANCE. 19 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 FROM the time of my mother's death, I had not sought the 
 company of my brother and sisters, preferring to be alone. 
 And from that dreadful moment, which had transformed my 
 whole nature, I had so manifestly shrunk from their innocent 
 mirth, that the nurse kept them out of my room. 
 
 On the day in which I was to go with Dr. Belden, I rose 
 at early dawn. A momentary emotion stole over me as I 
 put on the black dress, which brought my departed mother 
 so distinctly to mind. But one single recollection and I 
 was the same impassive, hopeless being. I sat down at the 
 front window, and gazed listlessly at the long avenue, through 
 the old linden trees. The clouds in the east were tinged 
 with regal colors, but the glory of nature only sickened my 
 heart. 
 
 I went to the western window, and looked upon the beautiful 
 Catskills, which I had loved from my earliest remembrance. 
 Alas ! they were only a mockery of my desolation. Save 
 for that withering bitterness in my heart, I might have fancied 
 myself actually dead. But I was not without sensation. A 
 glimpse of a familiar object, which I caught through the trees, 
 sent the blood surging through me. It was the place of my 
 torture, and henceforth to me like an inquisitorial dungeon. 
 
 " What, up and dressed so early, Miss Hope?" said Nan 
 cy, softly opening the door, as if she feared to awake me.
 
 20 ESPERANCE. 
 
 She looked pleased on first seeing me, but her countenance 
 soon fell. 
 
 " O dear ! " she continued, as if to herself, " she's got the 
 same dismal face. Dear Miss Hope, don't be fretting any 
 more after your poor mamma. She won't rest qiiiet in her 
 grave, if you do. Come now, cheer up. The children 
 have had the promise of making you a visit ; and for their 
 sakes you'll try to look bright ; that's a good child." 
 
 She might as well have talked to a clod. The children 
 came, each presenting me a bunch of flowers, which I re 
 ceived with entire apathy. 
 
 " Say, nurse," asked Horatio, a blustering boy, " what 
 makes sissy look so queer ? " 
 
 " She's been sick, you know," said Joy, in a low voice, 
 gazing on my old face with something of the curious awe 
 with which children look upon the dead. "But she'll be 
 Hope, again, when she comes back ; won't she, nursy ? " 
 
 " To be sure she will. But you must say good by, now, 
 or you'll tire her out." 
 
 Horatio and Joy came slowly towards me, and timidly 
 gave me a parting kiss, looking back with wonder as they 
 left. Their blooming faces spoke of childish happiness, and 
 yet they were not so very much younger than myself. 
 
 During all this time little Ada had stood, with her eyes, 
 blue as the fairest gentian, fixed upon me, but without utter 
 ing a word. She drew closer, and throwing her arms round 
 my neck, exclaimed, " I lud du, titter." 
 
 " You must come now, Ada," called Nancy. 
 
 She looked wistfully in my face, stroked my cheek with 
 her soft hand, and sorrowfully saying, " Dood by, my tit 
 ter," she slowly left me, pausing at the door for a last look.
 
 ESPERANCE. 21 
 
 My father was absent when the doctor took me away. 
 How could he have given me a parting kiss? 
 
 My companion seemed in high glee at his proposed recre 
 ation. And when we were over the boundary line of Clyde- 
 ville, he exclaimed, " A free man ! I've willed my patients 
 to young Curtis, and I hope it'll give him a lift. And as for 
 us, when we get to Pinckney, we'll have a regular spree. 
 Wife and Rose are as happy there as queens ; and so shall 
 you be ; " and he put his strong arm round me as we sat in 
 the open wagon. " Lean on me, child, for you are not 
 strong. I have taken your blessed mother to ride before 
 now." 
 
 " Don't speak of her," said I quickly. 
 
 " Well, I won't, dear ; but you're -a strange chick, and I 
 reckon I'm too rough to deal with you. My Rose is the 
 one. She's as tender-hearted as need be." 
 
 So he chatted on, leaving me to my own silence. 
 
 " This is Pinckney, and here we are ; and there's my las 
 sie for you." 
 
 Rose Belden had one of those sunny faces which indicate 
 an open, joyous nature. I was received by her and her ex 
 cellent mother with genuine kindness. They must have 
 thought me an ungracious child ; but I felt their goodness, 
 though it had not power to melt me. 
 
 During the doctor's stay he abandoned himself to uproari 
 ous merriment, taking me everywhere with him, in spite of 
 my continual protests, to see the cows and calves, to count 
 the hens' eggs, to pick berries, and to chase butterflies. How 
 I should once have enjoyed these scenes ! 
 
 " What in the world is there we can do for you, grave 
 face ? " asked he, one evening, as, after an early tea, we all 
 sat on the veranda.
 
 22 ESPERANCE. 
 
 " Let me alone ! " I answered shortly. 
 
 I was so humbled in my own eyes, and had, besides, 
 such a painful sense of my want of personal attractions, that 
 I could not conceive of any one's having any interest in me, 
 except of pity ; and that, I was too proud to value. So I 
 encased myself in outward indifference, doing the greatest 
 injustice to my yearning nature, which coveted affection as 
 the parched flower covets the healing dew. 
 
 The good doctor made no reply to my ungracious speech, 
 but sat, with a long stick in his hand, thrashing the clover- 
 heads that grew thick around us. I soon withdrew into the 
 large sitting-room, and throwing myself upon the couch, 
 closed my weary eyes. When they came in, they spoke in a 
 low voice, evidently supposing me asleep. 
 
 " I must walk by her carefully," said Dr. Belden, in a 
 smothered tbne, "for she's a real churchyard, and there's 
 no knowing what might happen if I should rouse her sud 
 denly. Poor thing ! It's my opinion that she's suffered 
 what she won't tell ; for it's contrary to nature for a child to 
 be as she is." 
 
 " Poor thing ! " echoed Mrs. Belden ; " if we could only 
 comfort her ! " 
 
 " Dear child," said Rose, in the gentlest tones, " I only 
 wish she would let me win her confidence. Somehow, I 
 don't quite understand her ; but yet I can't help loving 
 her dearly." 
 
 Ah, Rose ! you little knew how those words melted my 
 hard nature. It was your hand that smote the flinty rock. 
 A tear sprang to my eye, and only by a strong effort was I 
 able to prevent it from rolling down my cheek. Nothing 
 further passed at that time, but I think they all noticed a 
 slight change in me the next day.
 
 ESPEBANCB. 23 
 
 " Well, Hope, this looks like it. You really are better. 
 Don't shake your head, or I'll have it fastened with screws. 
 Say, now, we are not quite savages out here, are we ? That's 
 a good girl. It was a real smile. Now, mother, since I 
 have succeeded in catching one bright ray from Hope, I must 
 be off, or who knows but that young sprig of a Curtis may 
 have doctored half my patients into a galloping consump 
 tion?" 
 
 When he came to bid me good by, I ventured to say, " I 
 do thank you, Dr. Belden, for all your kindness." 
 
 " So, so ; that's something like. You thank me now, do 
 you, for letting you live ? " 
 
 " No, not for that ; but I thank you, notwithstanding." 
 
 "Well, I must make the most of it, I suppose, and feel 
 myself honored by the few gracious words that have fallen 
 i from your lips. Now, be a good girl, and get off that cem 
 etery face of yours as soon as possible." 
 
 There was a sensible void when the kind, merry doctor 
 had left us. But Mrs. Belden and Rose exerted themselves 
 for my amusement. And since those words of balm -had 
 fallen from her lips, I had felt drawn towards the latter. As 
 we returned from a quiet stroll, we sat down under a large 
 maple, shading a clean spot of grass in the pleasant front 
 yard. She put her arm round me, and I was won to lay my 
 head on her shoulder. From that time there was a tacit 
 understanding between us. I did not talk much, for I was 
 naturally reserved, and circumstances had strengthened this 
 disposition. Besides, although I felt the influence of her 
 joyous nature, she was not one to whom I could open my 
 heart. I was even indisposed to talk of my mother. But I 
 liked to be near her, to gaze into her blooming face, to have
 
 24 ESPEEANCE. 
 
 her hold my hand, and to listen to her pleasant voice. She 
 had a pure, healthy nature, though not, one of great depth. 
 And I came to cherish a real affection for her. 
 
 The weeks fled by, and I returned with Dr. Belden's fam 
 ily to Clydeville. As the doctor drove through my father's 
 gate, I was carried back to the days of my childhood, when 
 my mother used to lead me in those pleasant walks. 
 
 My ancestral home was indeed a beautiful place. A long, 
 winding avenue of linden trees, bordered with soft, green 
 turf, swept up to the house, and thence round to the stables. 
 The mansion was an old-fashioned building, of brown stone, 
 square, massive, well-proportioned, and surrounded by a 
 broad piazza. It stood on a slight eminence, sloping down 
 on one side to a smooth, open lawn, beyond which rolled the 
 blue Hudson, while in the distance appeared the purple out 
 lines of the mountains. In front, it was shaded by lofty 
 forest trees, which still remained as tokens of primeval days. 
 Scattered here and there between them, like jewels in the 
 grass, catching the lingering gleams of sunshine, were little 
 circles planted with brilliant flowers, which enlivened the 
 velvet turf. 
 
 As I gazed on the fine old place, a deep gloom the 
 gloom of my later life seemed gradually to overshadow it. 
 One by one, my miserable thoughts and feelings returned ; 
 and by the time I stood in the broad hall, I was the same 
 demure, inaccessible little body as when I left. Nancy greet 
 ed me with cordiality, and the children bounded in to look at 
 their sister. They kissed me, but with an air of disappoint 
 ment ; and I could hear Raty whisper to Joy, 
 
 " Sissy looks as cross as ever, and I don't believe she'll 
 play with us."
 
 ESPERANCE. 25 
 
 The gall my father had infused into my being continued 
 to embitter the springs of life, and I retired more and more 
 within myself. What I needed, was employment strengthen 
 ing for mind and body, with genial, soothing influences. 
 What I had, was my own morbid fancies, and novels and 
 poetry of an unwholesome character. This was the very 
 bewilderment of intoxication to a temperament like mine ; 
 and with nothing but my own wretchedness to fill up the 
 intervals, I readily surrendered to the fatal enchantment. 
 Bulwer, Byron, Shelley, and other kindred writers, were my 
 constant companions. 
 
 Oh, how would my gentle mother have sorrowed to see 
 me yielding thus selfishly to temptation, and becoming more 
 and more soured in my disposition ! It may seem strange 
 that there was no one to interfere with these ruinous habits ; 
 but so it was. My brother and sisters, finding me uncom 
 panionable, naturally withdrew themselves. And Nancy, 
 the only one of the servants who concerned herself on my 
 account, knowing me to be an unhappy child', was glad to 
 see me engaged in so useful an occupation as she considered 
 reading. The seeds of rank poison thus dropped in my ar 
 dent nature, quickly germinated. Were they destined to a 
 growth which would finally destroy every better principle? 
 I was sowing to - the wind ; was I fated to reap the whirl- 
 Avind ? 
 
 3
 
 26 ESPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 ANOTHER spring had come and gone. In the bright sum 
 mer that followed, an unusual bustle prevailed. Carpenters 
 and painters were on the premises ; new and rich furniture 
 was landed at our door ; and my father's chamber, one of 
 the largest and most pleasant rooms in the house, after 
 being newly painted and papered, was re-furnished as a pri 
 vate parlor. I had my own thoughts on the subject, but said 
 nothing. My father's frequent absences confirmed my sus 
 picions. But I was indifferent to the event I foresaw. 
 
 The anniversary of mamma's death passed by without any 
 change, for my father had too much regard for his own re 
 spectability to think of marrying before a year's widowhood 
 had expired. But soon after that time, so full to me of bitter 
 memories, he left home for a month's absence. 
 
 " Miss Hope," said Nancy one day, as if she wished ten 
 derly to break some unpleasant tidings, " I have something 
 to tell you, and I beg you to bear it bravely." 
 
 " I know what it is, and I care nothing about it." 
 
 " "What is it, and who told you? " 
 
 " My father is to be married. Nobody told me ; I found 
 it out myself a long time ago." 
 
 " Well, you are the strangest girl I ever saw. But any 
 way, I'm glad you are not a-going to fret about it. There's 
 never any calculating how you will take a thing, I must say."
 
 ESPERANCE. 27 
 
 With all my indifference, however, as the day drew nigh 
 when the bridal pair were expected, I began to feel some 
 anxiety, as well as curiosity. I tried to set myself about 
 reading ; but my ears involuntarily listened to every passing 
 sound, while my eyes were constantly turned down the 
 avenue. At length I heard the carriage, which had been 
 sent to the landing, rolling rapidly along, till it stopped at 
 our front door. Then I watched my father as with much 
 assiduity he assisted a lady to descend. I could hear a great 
 bustle and ordering of servants in the hall ; and stepping 
 softly to the head of the stairs, I saw a maid showing the 
 new Mrs. Frazer to her chamber my mother's chamber ! 
 Then my heart rebelled, and I stole back to my solitude with 
 a decided prejudice against the new comer. , 
 
 A little before tea, Nancy appeared, informing me that I 
 must dress myself very carefully, as the children were to be 
 presented to their new mother. 
 
 " She isn't my mother, and I shan't dress up for her." 
 
 " But your father has directed it." 
 
 " I don't care if he has. I shall not go down to supper." 
 
 " But she is a beautiful woman, and you had better make 
 friends with her." 
 
 It was not without the utmost urgency that I was induced 
 to give heed to Nancy. And with a cloud on my face, I 
 went down into the parlor. Mrs. Frazer had Ada in her 
 arms, while Raty's and Joy's hands were full of toys and 
 confectionery. My father bowed distantly, saying to the 
 gayly-dressed woman, 
 
 " My love, this is the odd one of whom I have told you." 
 
 Indignant at such an introduction, I lifted my head, and 
 defiantly met her gaze. In that first moment, I felt the
 
 28 ESPERANCE. 
 
 power of her wonderful beauty. Although she carelessly re 
 plied, " Ah, this is Hope, then," and took no further notice, 
 yet her tones were such as instantly to mollify my anger. 
 
 After tea, my father persuaded her to go to the piano, and, 
 in evident admiration, stood beside her, turning over the 
 leaves of her music. The other children said good night, 
 and I retreated into a corner, where I could have a full view 
 of her without being observed. Even at this distance of 
 time, I can vividly recall her appearance. She could not 
 have been over twenty-three, while my father must have 
 been between forty and fifty. 
 
 Of medium height, her form was slightly embonpoint, but 
 not so as in the least to diminish her grace. Heavy braids 
 of rich chestnut hair were looped round her head, falling 
 low on her fair neck, and slightly shading her transparent 
 temples. But her eyes ! At one moment a strange, restless 
 light flashed out from them, and the next they wore a be 
 witching softness. Her mouth was beautifully sculptured, 
 but there was a look about it which gave me an instinctive 
 feeling of distrust. I could not then define it. I should now 
 say it was a blending of the wiliul with consummate art and 
 recklessness. My father was evidently her ardent adorer, 
 and unconsciously manifested his triumph at having secured 
 such a prize. 
 
 I was passionately fond of music ; and as she glanced 
 towards me now and then, she must have observed how 
 rapt I was. Although I could not help noting Avith bitter 
 ness the contrast between my father's treatment of her and 
 of my own dear mother, yet I scarcely wondered at a fasci 
 nation which I too began to feel. 
 
 " My liege lord must be tired," said she at last, turning 
 round on the piano stool.
 
 ESPERANCE. 29 
 
 " I can never be tired while with you, Ednah. You are 
 equally charming whatever you do;" and he attempted to 
 take her hand. 
 
 " Ma foi ! Eemember you are married, and must not be 
 caught making love to your wife." 
 
 " But when will my time come, dearest ? for you com 
 pletely distanced me during our courtship." 
 
 " If you had only been wise enough, my dear sir, to select 
 a lady of respectable age, you might have yielded to such 
 whims, she not objecting. But of all things, it is ab 
 surd for an old widower to be silly with a young bride." 
 
 I fancied she said this with a slight look of malice. My 
 father frowned slightly as he replied, 
 
 " Mrs. Frazer, I am not accustomed to be trifled with." 
 
 She rose, and making a mock courtesy, was about to 
 withdraw. 
 
 ".Dear Ednah, do not leave 'me in displeasure. I only ask 
 you to be reasonable." 
 
 She looked at him with a half-offended air as she re 
 plied, 
 
 " I can never endure a tyrant." 
 
 " I am no tyrant. And I am ready to promise anything, 
 if you will only grant me one favor." 
 
 "What is it?" 
 
 "It is what you have always invented some excuse for 
 refusing that I may kiss you ; which indeed I might 
 claim as a right." 
 
 " I have no conscience about such rights. But if I yield 
 it, shall I have my own way in everything ? " 
 
 " In everything, siren. So now redeem your pledge ; " 
 and he approached her. 
 3*
 
 30 ESPEEANCE. 
 
 " I did not. make any, sir," and stepping back, she looked 
 at him with strange wilfulness. Seeing his frown returning, 
 she exclaimed, " What an exacting man ! " 
 
 " Dear Ednah, do not mock me any longer." 
 
 " Nay, my lord, I shall not be kissed on compulsion. 
 Here you are, holding the rod over me. If you expect 
 any favors, you must leave me absolutely free." 
 
 " Only love me, Ednah, and I will be your devoted slave." 
 
 " Well, then, to-morrow we shall see." 
 
 I hardly need say that I was thoroughly roused by this 
 scene. It was a perfect amazement to see my father so 
 completely bewitched. No young admirer ever sued more 
 humbly for some favor of his lady-love, than did this proud 
 man of his youthful bride. It was to me a new phase of 
 life an unexpected development of character that threw 
 me into strange perplexity. " How vexed," I thought, 
 " would my father have been had he known I was a witness 
 of his meek suing ! " I could not understand Mrs. Frazer. 
 I was not sure I should like her, but she would be an inter 
 esting study. I should witness the acting out of a real 
 romance. 
 
 Days passed, and the drama continued to unfold. Mrs. 
 Frazer held my father to his promise. I never saw one so 
 completely managed. Our mansion was still further rejuve 
 nated and refurnished, and then filled with gay company. 
 Parties, rides and soirees were all the rage, and Mrs. Frazer 
 was queen in the beau monde. By a skilful mingling of re 
 fractoriness, coquetry, and an occasional graceful submission, 
 she kept my father at her feet. I give these impressions as 
 the conclusions of later years, for at that time I could not 
 understand a great deal that I saw, nor explain much that 
 I felt.
 
 ESPERANCE. 31 
 
 As for myself, notwithstanding a certain latent distrust 
 which I could never wholly shake off, I was coming more 
 and more to yield to her fascinations. I had always had 
 that peculiar admiration of beauty which is often felt by 
 those who are conscious of being plain themselves. Besides, 
 she had early contrived, in various ways, to manifest an inter 
 est in me, which, of course, was not without its influence. 
 One day I overheard her saying to my father, 
 
 " Hope is a little savage, and needs looking after, to make 
 her a fit appendage of your family. I think I must take her 
 in hand." 
 
 " As you please, dear Ednah ; only don't allow yourself to 
 become interested in the ungrateful child." 
 
 Not long after this conversation, while my father was out 
 of town, Mrs. Frazer sent for me to her chamber. She soon 
 noticed that I could not be in that room without emotion, and 
 proposed that we should adjourn to her private parlor. This 
 was the apartment which my father had given up for her 
 particular accommodation, and which she had refitted accord 
 ing to her own fancy. 
 
 Throwing herself on a couch, she motioned me to a seat 
 by her side. 
 
 " Look round, Hope, and tell me how far your taste agrees 
 with mine." 
 
 I complied, glad of her permission. It was a large room, 
 a little longer than broad, with the front windows reaching 
 to the floor, and opening on the wide upper veranda. The 
 Wilton carpet was thick enough to deaden the heaviest foot 
 fall, and of an intricate pattern of gorgeous colors inwrought 
 upon a ground of white. Crimson damask curtains draped 
 the windows, clouds of lace drooping airily beneath them.
 
 32 ESPERANCE. 
 
 The mantel-piece was of elegantly carved Italian marble, 
 and opposite was a magnificent pier glass, with a marble 
 slab below, on which stood Parian statuettes, and various 
 charming knick-knacks. In other parts of the room were 
 gracefully disposed a costly bookcase filled with elegant vol 
 umes, a rosewood piano, a tete-a-tete fauteuil, and lounges 
 inviting to comfort and repose. On the centre-table were 
 vases of fragrant flowers, while here and there were taste 
 fully arranged superb paintings and rare statuary. After a 
 pleased survey, my eyes returned to her who was a fit gem 
 for this gorgeous setting. 
 
 "Well!" 
 
 " It is beautiful." 
 
 And then I turned my head away and sighed. 
 
 She took my hand, and looking into my eyes, said, 
 
 "I see shadows there. Do you distrust me, Hope? " 
 
 I hung my head in confusion. 
 
 " Don't be afraid to speak." 
 
 " I heard you tell my father I was a little savage, and I 
 thought you did not care for me." 
 
 " Bravely spoken, child," replied she, fixing her brilliant 
 eyes upon me. " It was the only way in which I could get 
 permission to do anything for you. You think it was wrong 
 to cheat him? We have to do the best we can, dear. But 
 I will not deceive you. It is fated that we are to be friends. 
 I have read you from that first evening, and I will stand be 
 tween you and your father, though of course he must not 
 know it. But I can easily manage him," she continued, 
 while her eye suddenly flashed. 
 
 I cannot say that I enjoyed her manner of talking, though 
 her gay, reckless air had a certain charm, and her evident 
 interest in me was a pleasure as peculiar as it was rare.
 
 ESPEBANCE. 33 
 
 " I have taken a special fancy to you ; did you know it, 
 Hope?" 
 
 "But I am so plain and disagreeable." 
 
 " Not so very plain, after all," said she, in her most insinu 
 ating manner. " Look straight at me, child ! Did no one 
 ever tell you what eyes you have ? Speak truly." 
 
 " Nobody but Dr. Belden, who calls them great, melan 
 choly eyes." 
 
 "You are a little simpleton. Nothing better could be 
 asked for in that line. Nor is your mouth so bad," con 
 tinued she, closely scanning me. " A little too firm set, that 
 is all. And as for le tout ensemble^ though at the first glance 
 it might not attract, yet, believe me, yours is a face to which 
 the eye involuntarily returns. And when you come under 
 my sway, there will be a wonderful improvement. You 
 shall have a gay life yet, and after a time shall break hearts 
 as fast as any of them. I will speedily have you put into 
 more becoming apparel, and my own maid shall arrange 
 those heavy raven tresses. And then, father or no father 
 nous verrons." 
 
 And putting her hand under my chin, she raised my head, 
 and gave me a scrutinizing glance. 
 
 " There," proceeded she, smiling triumphantly. " let me 
 alone for getting at the female heart, as well as at the 
 tougher male one. There is already an encouraging change. 
 Such cordials are novel to you, and you relish them right 
 well. The soft flush on your cheek has deepened to a rich 
 glow, and your eye sparkles with a new light." 
 
 Then, putting her arm round me, she drew me to her side. 
 
 " Ah, my little maiden, it is better even than I expected. 
 My red wine has warmed you all over."
 
 34 ESPERANCE. 
 
 It was truly a moment of sweet excitement, and I eagerly 
 drank in her flattering words. 
 
 " M'aimez-vous, ma petite Esperance ? " 
 
 I don't understand you." 
 
 " It is a shame in your father, but you shall have a French 
 master. Translated, my words were, Do you love me, my 
 little Hope ? " and she once more fixed her magnetic eyes on 
 mine. 
 
 I replied by throwing my arms round her neck, while I 
 timidly asked, 
 
 " May I kiss you, dear lady? " I could not say mother. 
 
 " Call me Ednah, child ; I shall 'always be Ednah to you. 
 But why did you not kiss me without leave ? " 
 
 I answered with some hesitation, 
 
 " Because you would not let my father kiss you the evening 
 of your arrival." 
 
 " Ah, I remember. I had the best of reasons for my re 
 fusal, which I may possibly confide to you some day. In 
 the mean time, you shall kiss me whenever you are disposed." 
 
 Such a demonstration was new to me, and I felt my face 
 burn as I bashfully pressed a kiss on her fair cheek. 
 
 " Mr. Frazer would envy you, were he aware of your 
 privileges. So don't forget how highly favored you are." 
 
 She spoke playfully, but it excited some anxiety, and I 
 ventured, 
 
 "I am afraid he will be angry with me for daring to 
 love you." 
 
 " Your father shall never come between us," she replied, 
 with a frown. " But we will be careful in his presence. 
 This covenant shall be our first secret. After a time, if you 
 are faithful, I shall trust you further."
 
 ESPEBANCE. 35 
 
 Hearing the sound of carriage wheels, I started in alarm. 
 
 " What is the matter, ma petite f " . 
 
 " I was thinking what father would say if he should find 
 me here." 
 
 She curled her lip, exclaiming, " And do you think I ad 
 mit him into this sanctum ? Ma foi ! No such privilege is 
 vouchsafed to his Iqrdship. But I will give you free entree. 
 Come down the back stairs, step lightly through the ante 
 room, and tap at this little door. And if there is no answer, 
 walk right in. Come whenever you like, but be sure to 
 come when you are in trouble." 
 
 " How good you are ! " I responded with warmth. 
 
 " You little innocent ! " said she, patting my cheek, while 
 a slight blush flitted over her face. 
 
 When I laid my head on my pillow that night, I was in 
 the flush of a first intoxication. The Circean cup had been 
 held to my lips, and wanting the moral strength to decline it, 
 I had eagerly swallowed the tempting draught. It had 
 warmed me, as Ednah said. My whole being was even now 
 aglow with electrical excitement. Byron and Ednah were 
 blended in my thoughts, and the future began to loom up 
 brightly before me. I would fearlessly take all life had to 
 offer, and settle the question whether I was formed to gain 
 triumphs or not. 
 
 Suddenly my mother's pallid face rose up before me. I 
 pressed my own close into the pillows to shut out the now 
 unwelcome image. In vain !
 
 36 ESPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 " WILL you teach me to play the piano, dear Ednah?" 
 
 " Ma foi ! no, child. I am too indolent for such dread 
 ful labor. But I will provide you with teachers, and you 
 shall speedily be initiated into the elegances." 
 
 Her plans were carried out, and under the care of accom 
 plished masters, I made rapid progress in the modern lan 
 guages and in music. 
 
 My brother and sisters were placed in charge of a gov 
 erness, and kept in a different part of the house. I had thus 
 very little intercourse with them. And though they were 
 fond of Ednah, she seldom took the trouble to see them. 
 She gave me to understand that I was her favorite, and I 
 came more and more to believe it. "Whether my father was 
 at all suspicious of this friendship I knew not, but his treat 
 ment was not calculated to allay my old irritation. Perhaps 
 Ednah's partiality made me somewhat pert. And besides, I 
 had another of her secrets in my keeping. I shall never for 
 get my surprise on learning it. 
 
 It was some weeks after my first visit to her private par 
 lor. I was in the same room, sitting on an ottoman beside 
 her, when a thought, which I had often had before, flashed 
 suddenly upon me, suggesting the inquiry, 
 
 " Why would you not let father kiss you on that first 
 evening ? "
 
 ESPERANCE. 37 
 
 A deep crimson dyed her face, as she whispered in my ear, 
 " Because I hate him." 
 
 I looked up in astonishment, entirely unable to speak. 
 
 " Poor Esperance ! I have shocked you, and you want to 
 ask me why I married him then. I will conceal nothing, 
 child. It was for his money. I am dreadfully extravagant ; 
 I must have luxuries without stint ; I was hard pressed ; 
 it was the most eligible match that offered at that time. 
 Besides, though full of silly conceits as to his own dignity, 
 he was dead in love, and I could make my own terms. It 
 was a stroke of worldly wisdom, and so I brought my un 
 willing mind to it. You see how sovereign is my rule. 
 And so long as it is for my interest to keep him spell-bound, 
 I shall continue alternately to tantalize and fascinate him. 
 He gains nothing in the end, however, by my concessions. 
 So, little one, you see you have a formidable ally." And 
 with one of her keen glances, she continued, in a low but 
 distinct voice, " I know how your father hates you. But his 
 hate, I see, is fully reciprocated, and you may one day be re 
 venged." 
 
 My eye fell beneath hers, for though but too familiar with 
 my own evil thoughts, yet when dragged into the daylight, 
 and put face to face before me, I could not help being 
 shocked. She saw this, and by her skilful pleading, quieted 
 my protesting conscience ; so that I began to justify to my 
 self what I had, till now, admitted to be wrong. 
 
 I am unable adequately to measure the extent of Ednah's 
 influence upon my character. She had completely inthralled 
 me ; and though I could not blind myself to her defects, I 
 loved her with all the warmth of my intense nature, and felt 
 that there was almost no sacrifice I would not make to give 
 4
 
 38 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 her pleasure. My excessive reading of fictitious literature, 
 and indulgence in day-drearning, had prepared me for her 
 insidious influence. The delicate flatteries she was continu 
 ally administering were a subtile poison to my moral sense. 
 Reason revolted from her teachings, and there were times 
 when conscience was alarmed ; but an hour in her charming 
 presence silenced them both, and riveted the chain she had 
 thrown around me. 
 
 I pursued my education with eagerness, because I coveted 
 intellectual power, as well as that of personal accomplish 
 ments. But in the intervals of study, I lived a life of strange 
 excitement. Although I knew that Ednah's course, with re 
 gard to my father, was wrong, yet I found a certain pleasure 
 in seeing how dexterously she would balk him. He was 
 necessarily often absent from home, and never was she more 
 gay than on such occasions. Whether any of the servants 
 distrusted her or not, I could not tell ; but she was a favorite 
 with them all, as my father had never been. I recollect 
 overhearing one of them talking about her throwing dust in 
 Mr. Frazer's eyes. The reply was, 
 
 " And that, you may say, she does in all our eyes. But 
 we like her for all that." 
 
 Although Ednah sometimes laughed at the ardor of my 
 attachment, yet she took care that it should not be weakened. 
 She allowed me to vent all the affection she had kindled, in 
 honest but extravagant expressions, and to lavish my caresses 
 upon her without stint. 
 
 " You can do as you please with me" said she; one day, 
 when I had come up softly behind her and thrown my arms 
 round her neck. " But when you have lovers, you must 
 manage differently."
 
 ESPERANCE. 39 
 
 " If I have one lover, I shall be satisfied." 
 
 " You belie yourself, for it is pleasant to see a crowd of 
 suitors at one's feet. You are no coquette by nature, but 
 you have spirit enough, and are acquiring tact. Ah, Espe- 
 rance, you will never need to marry an old fool, as I did. 
 Little dreams the world of the heartache beneath all this 
 glitter." And she pressed my hand on her bosom. 
 
 " Darling Ednah ! " I exclaimed, with a burst of sym 
 pathy. " I wish I could have saved you from this." 
 
 And clasping her hand in both mine, I looked up lovingly 
 into her face, presently adding, " But in spite of all you say, 
 I am a homely girl, and can't believe I shall ever be sought, 
 as you predict." 
 
 " Nonsense, child. You know better. Your ' great mel 
 ancholy eyes ' alone, can play the mischief with anybody. 
 You are a little girl yet, in the process of training. Are you 
 in such a hurry to begin your conquests ? " 
 
 I only replied by laying my burning face in her lap, and 
 bursting into tears. She soothed me with tenderest words, 
 but in the very act of soothing, she contrived to feed those 
 fires which should never, never have been kindled. 
 
 Could no memory of my gentle mother shield me from 
 those seductive influences which were gradually destroying 
 the purity of my mind ? Alas ! the cruelty of my father, and 
 the captivations of my step-mother, were combining to choke 
 the good seed she had so carefully sown. Her pious teach 
 ings and her earnest prayers were fast fading from my 
 remembrance ; and yet there were seasons when they returned 
 with painful vividness. It is not without struggles, God be 
 thanked, that we break through the thorny hedges which 
 memory and conscience have raised about us, and take our
 
 40 ESPERANCE. 
 
 path across those fair Pontine Marshes whose breath is a 
 deadly miasma. I had many a season of unhappiness, many 
 an hour when I wished I had died with my mother. 
 
 But I resisted these repenting moods, and sought to banish 
 them by resorting to Ednah's lively presence. Had I only 
 
 fled to my mother's grave ! But as the consciousness 
 
 of a cherished hate had formerly kept me from that sacred 
 spot, so that of my increasing unworthiness made me con 
 tinue to shun it, even though often importuned by my little 
 sister Ada to take her there. 
 
 Sweet child ! what a world of sacred memories cluster 
 around her name ! Still her fairy form is before me ; still 
 her saintly child-face steals across my tearful vision. A lily- 
 like complexion, occasionally tinged with the faintest color, 
 a sweet and serious little mouth, and soft eyes, blue as the 
 summer heavens, before whose pure glance guilt might well 
 shrink abashed. Round her pale, thoughtful brow clustered 
 drooping, golden curls, according well with her angelic 
 beauty. 
 
 Wonderfully like my mother, she never seemed a child of 
 earth, but like a snow-flake lingering in the ether, as if loath 
 to touch the ground. So lingered our snow-flower, opening, 
 day by day, into as sweet a blossom as ever graced a mortal 
 garden. She was like a charmed presence, gliding in and 
 out among us. Even of my harsh father she was not 
 afraid, and his face assumed a softer expression, and his 
 voice a milder tone, when he spoke to her. Surely " of such 
 is the kingdom of heaven." 
 
 It was a touching contrast to see the spiritual child beside 
 the worldly Ednah. The fashionable, frivolous woman 
 seemed to feel rebuked by her presence.
 
 ESPERANCE. 41 
 
 " She is altogether too holy to keep company with us or 
 dinary mortals," said she, one day, when Ada had been ask 
 ing her questions. " Sweet cherub as she is, one can't have 
 her about all the time, or one would become absolutely afraid 
 of doing anything naughty. Take her under your wing, 
 Espy, and try to make some little impression upon her 
 as to the actualities of this world, for she thinks a great deal 
 too much of the other, granting there is another." 
 
 So I took her to walk with me, and listened to her childish 
 prattle. But I could not find it in my heart to say one word 
 which would tend to undermine her faith, or grieve her trust 
 ing spirit. Bad as I was, I restrained my hands, lest, by a 
 careless touch, they might sully that pure, God-given flower. 
 But my goodness was simply that of omission. Many a pang 
 have I suffered that I did no more for the loving child. 
 
 "Mayn't I sleep with you, Espy?" asked she, one day, 
 using the pet name she had caught from Ednah. 
 
 "Why, Ada?" 
 
 " Oh, because I love you so." 
 
 " You need care, which I have no time to give. When 
 you are eight years old, we will see." 
 
 " But I can dress myself, and I won't trouble you at all." 
 
 " Good girls don't tease." 
 
 " Ada won't tease any more ; " and while a tear was in her 
 eye, she tried to bear her disappointment bravely. 
 
 And this was the youngest left to us of my angel mother's 
 flock ! Why was I so unfaithful to her dying charge ? And 
 why did I refuse the innocent request of the child I so 
 dearly loved ? Must I confess that it was in part because 
 the sight of her childish piety smote me to the heart? To 
 see her small hands clasped in prayer, as mine used to be 
 4*
 
 42 ESPEEANCE. 
 
 when I daily knelt beside my mother, to hear her lisping 
 entreaties for herself and for us all, that we might be " vely 
 good, and go some day to live in heaven," and to listen to 
 her artless talk about God and the angels, this was what I 
 could not bear. 
 
 And here I ought to record what had been more disastrous 
 in its effect on me than all other influences. It was Ednah 7 s 
 frivolous and sometimes mocking treatment of sacred sub 
 jects. How, I can hardly tell, but by words dropped now 
 and then, she had insinuated into my mind doubts of a most 
 ruinous character. A retributive hereafter ! that was only 
 a bugbear to frighten naughty children. So we might as 
 well get out of life all we could. And there was no need to 
 be overstrained in our notions of morality. All that was 
 necessary was an external decency. Virtue, in her view, 
 was an uncertain quantity, varying according to every man's 
 notion. She entered into no argument, and she adduced no 
 proof. But she took just the course calculated to throw me 
 into a state of doubt respecting all spiritual truth.
 
 ESPERANCE. 43 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 IT was now midsummer. Our house, as usual, had been 
 filled with company, Ednah being the gayest of them all. 
 At a pleasant driving distance from the town, my father 
 owned a charming place, called Pine Grove. A large farm 
 house belonging to it stood on the banks of a creek, which 
 wound along underneath shady trees, forming here and there 
 little pleasant coves. On this stream was a small sail-boat, 
 one of Ednah's special appointments for the entertainment 
 of her numerous guests. A party would go over from our 
 house for the day, taking an ample supply of provisions and 
 books, with other resources, for the pleasant killing of time. 
 
 What nice baskets of sandwiches were put up, with bottles 
 of beer and wine, and delicate cakes and tarts of every vari 
 ety ! An abundance of fruit of the best quality was always 
 furnished from the farm. And sometimes Ednah would 
 order coffee, when there was sure to be no lack of genuine 
 cream. 
 
 Occasionally she would invite her acquaintances from the 
 town to join the picnic ; and then there was always a season 
 of rare merriment. Some would row down the stream, chat 
 ting gayly as they went, or with their fingers dreamily rip 
 pling the smooth waters. Others would stroll off into the 
 groves which bordered the creek, while here and there were 
 little groups lounging under the trees, engrossed in some
 
 44 ESPERANCE. 
 
 witching tale, or lazily gazing up into the summer sky, as it 
 came to them in bright checkers through the waving foliage. 
 
 Of all these festive occasions Ednah was the life, charm 
 ing every one by her brilliant spirits, as well as by her grace 
 ful hospitality. It was a study to me to watch my father 
 whenever he happened to join these parties. At any atten 
 tion from Ednah, his countenance would brighten with a 
 proud fondness, which it was pitiful for me to behold. She 
 must have possessed unusual power, as well as finesse, thus 
 completely to inthrall a man of his character, and that while 
 he was actually so abhorrent to her. 
 
 On one of these occasions, Ednah introduced me to Miss 
 Adelaide Campbell, a young lady three or four years my 
 senior. She was a native of Clydeville, but had spent sev 
 eral years out of town, having returned only within a few 
 months. I had heard her spoken of as a girl of high cul 
 ture, and as quite a connoisseur in art. She was above the 
 ordinary height, of a noble countenance and a commanding 
 presence. We strolled together through a winding path to 
 a point whence we could have a fine view of the North River. 
 We gazed long in silence, and then, turning suddenly towards 
 the mountains standing in sweet serenity, Miss Campbell 
 exclaimed, 
 
 " What a perpetual joy to have such a river and such 
 mountains to look upon!" 
 
 I responded with enthusiasm, and we soon fell into an 
 animated conversation. From natural scenery we pro 
 ceeded to art, and she told me several anecdotes of Thomas 
 Cole, with whom she was intimately acquainted. I ven 
 tured to express my desire to see her own paintings, of 
 which I had heard.
 
 ESPEEANCE. 45 
 
 " You shall see them, if you will come and pass a day 
 with me." 
 
 "I will do so with pleasure when Ednah has no other 
 plan for me." 
 
 " Ednah you call her, then." 
 
 " Yes, she wished me to, and she is more my companion 
 than my mother." 
 
 At this moment we heard light footsteps, and presently 
 Ada, flushed and out of breath, stood before us. 
 
 " I asked papa to take me to Pine Grove with him, and 
 then mamma told me where to find you." 
 
 " Will you sit by me?" said Miss Campbell, holding out 
 her hand. 
 
 Ada went to her directly. 
 
 " What is your name? " she asked, putting back the sunny 
 curls from her forehead. 
 
 " Ada Frazer. 
 
 " They sometimes call me Ada." 
 
 " What is your true name ? " asked my little sister, 
 gravely. 
 
 " Adelaide Campbell, at your service." 
 
 Ada looked steadily into those clear eyes, and then said, 
 " Will it trouble you to talk to me? " 
 
 " Certainly not, darling. But what shall I talk about? " 
 
 " About heaven, if you are willing." 
 
 So they had a long talk together, in which Miss Camp 
 bell kindly answered all her questions, while I listened with 
 inward compunctions. 
 
 "What did you talk with Miss Campbell about?" asked 
 Ednah the next day. 
 
 " About scenery and art, and she invited me to pass a day
 
 46 ESPEEANCE. 
 
 with her, when she has promised to show me her paintings. 
 And then Ada came, and they had a long chat." 
 
 " About holy matters, of course. Then she did not honor 
 my queenship with a Avord." 
 
 " O yes ! She did full justice to your charms." 
 
 " And she did not say, ' Handsome is, that handsome 
 does'?" 
 
 " Nothing of the sort, however appropriate it might have 
 been," replied I, laughing. 
 
 " Impertinence ! " and she shook her finger at me. 
 
 Our guests had all departed, and Ednah and I had one day 
 been out for a quiet drive. On our return, a card was placed 
 in her hand. Glancing at it, she changed color, exclaiming, 
 " How vexatious ! " but turning it over, added, " It is just 
 as well, perhaps, that I was away." 
 
 She then handed me the card, on which was written, with 
 a bold hand, PHILIP LEVERE, U. S. A. On the other side 
 was added with a pencil, " Will call again to-morrow." 
 
 " He is an old acquaintance, I suppose." 
 
 "Yes," she answered in an absent tone, but presently re 
 sumed, "I met him in Paris, and well great changes 
 have taken place since then." And she fell into a reverie. 
 
 During the next morning, the door bell rang, and Ednah 
 was summoned below. After about an hour she came back 
 into her private room, where she had left me, and with a 
 flushed face threw herself upon the couch. 
 
 " Fan me, Espy. The proud lieutenant has taxed all my 
 energies for his entertainment ; and that is of late so novel, 
 that I am quite exhausted." 
 
 " Please tell me about him," said I, complying with her 
 request.
 
 ESPEEANCE. 47 
 
 " He is a hard case, for he knows too much. But I will 
 outwit him if he will only give me time." 
 
 " But this is not describing him," 
 
 " Well, let me see if I can make out the inventory of his 
 attractions. In the first place, he is tall and of decidedly 
 military carriage. Intellectually, his head is well- developed, 
 but in the conscientious department, he may possibly be 
 Avanting. His complexion i& dark, and his hair black and 
 curly. Now let us come to the eyes, though with him they 
 are the most difficult feature to describe. They are dark and 
 brilliant, but their light has no warmth. It is a cold spar 
 kling, like that of the diamond. I have seen them burn, how 
 ever, and I may have that satisfaction again. His mouth, 
 but let that go. It is one thing this minute, and another 
 the next. He is a complete man of the world, polished as 
 steel, and equally cold. In manner always assured, he is 
 skilled in fathoming the character of all he meets, and adapt 
 ing himself thereto, -tfil se plait. As to his history, he was 
 educated at "West Point, has resided a great deal in Paris, 
 and travelled everywhere. But enough of him for to-day. 
 To-morrow you shall behold him for yourself. I am in a 
 stormy mood ; play me something of Beethoven's." 
 
 The next afternoon I was summoned down stairs to see 
 Lieutenant Levere. As I reached the door, I heard Ednah 
 say in a low voice, 
 
 " She is of tropical temperament, and only needs hot 
 house culture to make her a rare flower. Try what you can 
 do for her." 
 
 Knowing of whom Ednah must be speaking, I felt some 
 embarrassment at her introduction. After exchanging a few 
 words with me, Mr. Levere resumed his conversation with
 
 48 ESPERANCE. 
 
 Ednah, which gave me an opportunity of comparing her 
 sketch with the original. I found her portraiture correct, 
 though she had omitted his epaulets, which, with young 
 girls, have their share of influence. A pause occurring, he 
 turned, and fixing his eyes on mine, inquired, 
 
 " What will be the weather to-morrow?" 
 
 " I am no prophet, sir," I answered with surprise. 
 
 " Excuse me. I fancied those eyes could look a great way 
 into the future." 
 
 He said this in a significant manner, which made me blush 
 in spite of myself. I was too confused to reply, which in 
 creased my vexation, for I was sure he noted the effect of his 
 remark. He had gallantry enough, however, to appear un 
 conscious of it. 
 
 As he was leaving, Ednah invited him to dine the next day 
 with us, adding quietly, " Mr. Frazer will be at home." 
 
 Giving her a glance so piercing that she changed color, 
 he politely accepted the invitation. The moment he had 
 withdrawn, she began to walk up and down, muttering to 
 herself. Then turning to me, 
 
 " Ah, Espy, I have a hard game to play with that man. 
 But I will prevail against all his arts." 
 
 I did not fully comprehend her meaning, but ventured to 
 say, " If he displeases you, why do you permit his calls? " 
 
 " Displeases me?" she replied, with a scornful laugh. 
 
 The next day a number of guests were assembled, when 
 Lieutenant Levere was announced. Ednah introduced him 
 to her husband, who received him quite ceremoniously. But 
 the young officer thought it worth while to make an effort, 
 and it was not long before my father was listening to him 
 with unwonted interest. Ednah devoted herself to her other
 
 ESPEBANCE. 49 
 
 guests, apparently satisfied with the course of things. When, 
 at length, Mr. Levere pleaded an engagement as compelling 
 him to an early withdrawal, my father cordially invited him 
 to call as often as he had leisure. All this time, Ednah 
 stood near with apparent indifference, though I fancied that 
 I caught a gleam of triumph in her eye. 
 
 " Mrs. Frazer," said my father, turning towards her, 
 " cannot you plan an excursion to Pine Grove this week, 
 which our friend can be induced to join ? " 
 
 " It is doubtful," replied she, coldly ; " still, if you desire 
 it, I will try to find a day." 
 
 " It will give me pleasure to enter into any arrangement 
 Mr. Frazer may propose," said the officer, bowing to my 
 father, .without a glance at Ednah. 
 
 After some discussion it was settled that the present com 
 pany should make the excursion on the morrow. It proved 
 oppressive weather, but with the aid of watermelons and 
 iced lemonade, the party managed to keep comfortable. 
 Ednah surpassed herself in brilliancy, but notwithstanding 
 my father's frequent appeals to her to show the officer this 
 and tell him that, she treated him with a marked distance, 
 which was returned in even measure. As we were about 
 leaving, Ednah, happening to be near the stranger, expressed 
 her hope that he had passed a pleasant day. 
 
 " I have enjoyed myself extremely," said he in a noncha 
 lant tone, giving her at the same time a quick glance of in 
 telligence, of which I could make nothing. 
 
 This formal intercourse continued several days, till my 
 
 father was obliged to leave town for a fortnight. The day 
 
 after his departure, as I came up the front walk, Mr. Levere 
 
 was standing at the door with Ednah. He had laid aside his 
 
 5
 
 50 ESPERANCE. 
 
 ordinary coolness, and seemed to be earnestly arguing some 
 point. After a little hesitation, she replied, 
 
 " I consent then, but only with that understanding," when 
 he touched his hat and walked away. 
 
 As I came in, Ednah drew my arm within hers, saying, 
 " Esperance, that wilful man has drawn from me a promise 
 to go to Pine Grove to-morrow. But I consented only on 
 condition that you would accompany us." 
 
 " You must excuse me," replied I, " for a trio in such a 
 case is any thing but agreeable." 
 
 " Don't vex me, Epsy. You will not be de trop, and you 
 must go." 
 
 " Of course, I will yield then." 
 
 In spite of a certain nameless distrust of our gallant officer, 
 which I had felt from the beginning, he contrived to make 
 the day unusually agreeable. While we sat on rustic seats 
 in the cool shade, he reclined on the grass, and read aloud 
 passages from " Lalla Rookh." There was an occasional 
 empressement in his manner to Ednah which I had not before 
 noticed. He tried more than once to persuade her to stroll 
 with him among the winding paths, but she professed herself 
 too indolent to move. 
 
 In the afternoon, when the shadows were beginning to 
 lengthen, we sailed down the creek, Ednah insisting on help 
 ing row the boat, while at Levere's entreaty she sang a wild 
 air he named. 
 
 " Do you remember the days we spent on the Ehine, Mrs. 
 Frazer?" 
 
 " Otti, monsieur." 
 
 "And that prediction of the saucy fortune-teller? " 
 
 " Pray don't recall that nonsense," answered she, with a 
 quick change of color.
 
 ESPERANCE. 51 
 
 " And are you, then, so entirely satisfied with the present 
 as never to breathe a sigh for the past ? " 
 
 She started at his bold question ; but, controlling herself, 
 replied carelessly, 
 
 " I am sorry you have not forgotten those hours of folly." 
 
 " Are you? " he slowly asked, probing her with his glitter 
 ing eyes. " "Well, I can exorcise the ghosts of memory. 
 Shall I do so, Mrs. Frazer ? " 
 
 " I recommend it by all means," with bitter sarcasm in 
 her tone. 
 
 " There is one thing, at least, that I shall never forget nor 
 forgive ; that is, till it is atoned for." 
 
 He uttered these words in an undertone, again looking 
 fixedly into Ednah's face, till her eyes unwillingly fell. In a 
 moment, however, she regained her composure, and saying 
 hastily, " I defy alike your memory and your anger," began 
 to hum a gay tune. Levere entered into her mood ; and till 
 our return there was nothing between them but sparkling 
 sallies of humor, and playful attacks and retorts. 
 
 " Shall we take another drive to-morrow?" asked the 
 lieutenant as we were approaching our house. 
 
 " Not unless you will promise to cease annoying me with 
 such extremely disagreeable reminiscences." 
 
 " Very well," replied he, coolly. " I have not the smallest 
 objection to make the desired vow. But when it has once 
 passed my lips, not even you shall tempt me to break it. 
 With this understanding, capricious lady, I await your com 
 mands." 
 
 Bitterly Ednah responded, " I did not ask you to take an 
 oath, but simply to refrain from teasing me with painful
 
 52 ESPERANCE. 
 
 memories. It is neither kind nor manly to torture a de 
 fenceless woman." 
 
 " Je le comprends" rejoined he, in a softened tone. " How 
 could I imagine that, with so brilliant a present, the past 
 could cost you any pangs ? But since it is so, it shall be my 
 part to soothe if not to banish them. I will call for you 
 to-morrow at eleven." 
 
 Ednah. drew a deep sigh after he had gone, but soon 
 aroused herself, saying, 
 
 " Eemember, Espy, that you are to go with us every 
 where." 
 
 " I had rather not, Ednah ; nor do I see how you can want 
 to go with that bold man." 
 
 " Take care that you don't thwart me." Then, with her 
 caressing manner, she continued, " When I have fairly 
 humbled the audacious fellow, I shall take my adieu of him. 
 And you will not vex me, child." 
 
 I yielded, as usual. And so the days glided by. I saw 
 no signs of growing humility on the officer's part ; on the 
 contrary, I fancied his manner became increasingly assured. 
 I had my own thoughts about this intimacy, yet was con 
 strained to acknowledge that Ednah was extremely guarded 
 in their intercourse.
 
 ESPERANCE. 53 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 SEPTEMBER ! My father had just departed on his expected 
 journey. I was reclining on a couch in a deep recess of 
 Ednah's parlor, reading " Sorrows of Werther," one of the 
 books she had put into my hands. Partially concealed by 
 the heavy curtains, she did not observe me when she entered. 
 Sitting down by an open front window, and leaning her head 
 upon her hand, she gazed dreamily out. Suddenly a bright 
 flush passed over her face, and she turned as if expecting a 
 summons. A few moments passed, and then came a gen 
 tle tap. 
 
 " Entrez." 
 
 The door opened. 
 
 "Ednah!" 
 
 " Mr. Levere ! " said she, retreating, " I am accustomed 
 to be addressed as Mrs. Frazer. And. sir " 
 
 "Why, Ednah, I beg pardon, Mrs. Frazer, what 
 occasions this prudery? Seeing you at your window, and 
 recalling what you said the other day, I supposed I was only 
 taking a justifiable liberty. But if you order it, I am 
 gone." 
 
 " You can first make known your business. But your 
 presence in this room was unexpected." 
 
 " Not unwelcome, though, I have the vanity to believe." 
 And he approached to sit beside her. 
 5*
 
 54 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 Divining his intention, she rose, saying, . 
 " You grow assuming." 
 " And have you given me no reason? " 
 " Reason? No ! " she angrily replied. 
 " A spice of your old coquetry ;" and he again approached 
 her. 
 
 " Talk not to me of coquetry." 
 
 " But what then do you mean? " 
 
 " Mean? vous savez tres bien. Vous etes un mauvais Jwmme 
 
 une beteferoce." 
 
 He smiled a cold, cruel smile, but did not once remove 
 his searching eyes. At length, in the distinctest tone, he 
 asked, 
 
 " Do you love Mr. Frazer?" 
 
 " Love him ! Mon Dieu ! " And she shivered, while a 
 look of mingled hate and contempt crossed her face. Then, 
 clasping her hands, she whispered, 
 
 " Oh, pity me, pity me, Philip ! " 
 
 " Bien ! " he muttered. Then slowly, " You hate this 
 man. You loved me when you married him. And, Ednah, 
 carissima, I speak with assurance, for I have read your 
 heart through all the folds by which you seek to disguise it, 
 
 you have not yet lost all tenderness for me." 
 
 " Wretch, begone ! You have no right to say that." But 
 her face paled in spite of her imperious tone. 
 
 "I have a right. Have you forgotten, Ednah?" And 
 his voice lowered. " You are not happy. Yes, I do pity you. 
 And yet I cannot help approving your selection of a home, 
 though I could wish you had another lord and master. But 
 then I was a poor devil, and you women would marry 
 Mephistopheles himself, if he could minister to you all de-
 
 ESPERANCE. 55 
 
 sired luxuries. Besides, I don't think even your delightful 
 company could reconcile me to poverty." 
 
 "You well know, Levere, that it was not your poverty 
 which separated us, but " 
 
 "But what?" * 
 
 " Your cold-blooded flirtations. You drove me desperate, 
 and I but your heart was not worth breaking." 
 
 " Is it worth healing ? " 
 
 He asked this question in his most insinuating tone, and 
 then continued, 
 
 " You can never forget the wrong you did me. But on 
 certain conditions, I shall generously pardon you." 
 
 " You are modest ! What claims do you presume to make ? " 
 
 " Only an occasional entree to this paradise, whence your 
 legal master is excluded." 
 
 " Never, while you demand it." 
 
 " As a favor, then, I beg it. You well know, Ednah, that 
 at heart I am your slave." 
 
 " I have already one slave, and that is all I care to 
 manage." 
 
 " Capricious woman ! You will neither let me command 
 nor obey. What position, pray, would you have me assume ? " 
 
 " If you behave yourself as a true and gallant officer 
 should, you shall be mio amico." 
 
 " Rather a distant assignment for an old lover ; but if you 
 are suited, I shall not complain. And now, arnica mia, I 
 must tear myself from your presence." 
 
 As she accompanied him down stairs, I made good my re 
 treat, confounded by the strange scene I had witnessed. I 
 could not deny that this unscrupulous man was gaining influ 
 ence with Ednah. Both of them governed by impulse and 
 reckless of consequences, what would the end be?
 
 56 ESPERANCE. 
 
 Hardened and worldly as I had become, as I pondered 
 this question I was filled with solicitude and distress. 
 
 I did not think it best to acknowledge to Ednah that I had 
 been a witness of the interview between her and Levere. 
 But I resolved, henceforth, to give her as much of my com 
 pany as she desired. And I think she felt my presence a 
 relief whenever he was with her, whether at home, or in 
 their .walks and rides. Her manner now more decidedly 
 discouraged all familiarity, and I began to hope that, after 
 all, his boldness was receiving a wholesome check. 
 
 " Ah, Espy," said Ednah one day, "you know nothing of 
 these dreadful conflicts." And with touching sadness she 
 laid her cheek to mine. 
 
 I threw my arms round her neck, and told her I wished 
 she could be happy, and then went on to say that I thought 
 her old friend was making her more and more miserable. 
 Before she could reply, a carriage rolled up the avenue. I 
 lifted the curtains, and, looking out, exclaimed, 
 
 " My father has returned." 
 
 Ednah gave a shriek of surprise, exclaiming, 
 
 " The wretch, to disappoint me thus ! And now I must 
 turn hypocrite again, when he is a hundred times more de 
 testable than ever." Then, controlling herself, she added 
 ironically, " He will be all impatience to see me. Go down, 
 Espy, for I will not meet him alone. He will delay an 
 nouncing himself till he has made his toilet, and so I shall 
 gain time to school my face." 
 
 She soon followed me, and in the course of half an hour 
 I heard my father's step in the hall. Encountering a ser 
 vant, he said, 
 
 " Ask Mrs. Frazer where she will see me."
 
 ESPERANCE. 57 
 
 " She is waiting for you, sir, in the parlor." 
 
 He opened the door, and Ednah went towards him, suffer 
 ing him to embrace her. I looked up, and we exchanged 
 bows. And then I heard him say, 
 
 " Will you not send Hope out of the room? " 
 
 " She is only practising." 
 
 He led her to the sofa, while she inquired, 
 
 u Have you ordered dinner?" 
 
 " I dined on the boat." 
 
 "You have returned sooner than you expected." 
 
 " Love gave me wings." 
 
 " So you are not tired of that role" 
 
 " Such a time can never come. But I must try absence 
 again, for you are more complying than usual." 
 
 Her head drooped still lower ; then, with a gay laugh, 
 she sprang up. 
 
 " Will you hear one of my new songs? " 
 
 " You may leave, Hope," said my father. 
 
 And the happy pair were alone together. 
 
 " Ma belle EsperanceS' Ednah called me so in her wooing 
 moods, "I had engaged to ride with our hero to-morrow, 
 but must devote myself to your father till Friday, when he 
 will leave for New York. Just step round to his boarding- 
 house, and give him this explanation." 
 
 I could not quite make up my mind to refuse her request ; 
 so I reluctantly delivered the note. 
 
 It so happened that on Friday I was engaged to spend the 
 day with Adelaide Campbell. In the afternoon, when we 
 had been talking over various matters, she asked if she 
 might speak with me frankly on a certain subject ; and of 
 course I gave my assent.
 
 58 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 " Think of me as a sister, and whatever I may say, I beg 
 you not to consider me obtrusive." 
 
 Then she told me of the impression Ednah had made upon 
 the community, and of the unpleasant rumors afloat in con 
 sequence of her intimacy with Levere, who was known to be 
 a profligate. 
 
 " Is not your father disturbed by her course?" 
 
 " He has been absent a great deal ; and besides, he sees 
 nothing out of the way in her." < 
 
 " Then so much the more important for you to act." 
 
 " There is nothing I can do." 
 
 She then spoke of Ednah's affection for me, imploring me 
 to talk with her freely. 
 
 " I have alluded to the subject more than once, but it was 
 not pleasant to Ednah, and I am too young to reprove her." 
 
 "It is not necessary to do it in the way of rebuke ; besides, 
 she considers you a companion, rather than a daughter." 
 
 I felt the force of her words, but shrank painfully from so 
 disagreeable a step. 
 
 " Think of what is due to the memory of your mother, 
 dear Hope, and check this scandal at once." 
 
 " But it is only indiscretion. And after all, for one of her 
 temperament, Ednah is very guarded." 
 
 " That may be now, but she is travelling on a dangerous 
 road." 
 
 " Suppose I have a talk with her, and it is of no avail." 
 
 " Then you must go to your father." 
 
 I shuddered, replying, " He must take care of his own 
 dignity. I cannot enlighten him." 
 
 " I hope it would not come to that ; but if it should, you 
 cannot escape the responsibility."
 
 E8PERANCE. 59 
 
 " And if he should not believe it? " 
 
 " Then you could do nothing more but pray for her." 
 
 Could I confess that I never prayed ? 
 
 " Is your father at home now?" 
 
 " He went to New York this morning." 
 
 " Then, excuse me, dear, but I cannot help the feeling 
 that you ought not to be away from the house. And, if op 
 portunity occurs, I entreat you not to delay opening the 
 subject." 
 
 With a very unwilling mind I put on my bonnet and shawl. 
 
 " God bless your efforts, dear Hope. You may not now 
 realize the importance of your action, but you will some 
 time. Good by, dear ! "
 
 60 ESPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 SLOWLY I trod the way back ; and finding Ednah out, I 
 went into her parlor, resolving to attempt a conversation as 
 soon as she returned. The curtains were down, as usual ; for 
 she never admitted the garish light to her precincts. 
 
 Seating myself on an ottoman in one of the large embra 
 sures, I began to consider what I should say. After a time, 
 I heard steps along the hall, and presently the door opened, 
 admitting Ednah, followed by Levere. 
 
 I felt myself in an awkward position, for I saw that, ab 
 sorbed as they were, I might remain unnoticed in the dim 
 ness of the apartment. But not having risen at once, I 
 hesitated to do so afterwards. Besides, as Ednah had 
 particularly desired my company at their interviews, I could 
 hardly regard myself an intruder. 
 
 Ednah threw off her hat and shawl, and sat down upon a 
 couch. 
 
 " So I am in paradise once more, ma belle, and this time 
 by your permission. But you owe me some indemnities 
 for having so long excluded me, contrary to your express 
 promise." 
 
 " Ladies are privileged to break their promises." 
 
 " Tres Men! Then it clearly becomes us gentlemen to make 
 the most of our opportunities." 
 
 This he said while standing opposite her with folded arms, 
 and then continued,
 
 ESPERANCE. 61 
 
 " Now, will you assume a vindictive air, if I venture to 
 take a seat beside you?" rf 
 
 " You dare not," replied Ednah, laughing, as she drew 
 herself up. 
 
 " However that may be, I might as well venture first as 
 last, for I should be sorry to disappoint you." 
 
 " You are impertinent," retorted she, with flashing eyes. 
 
 "It is one of my ways of winning, fair lady. And I 
 little care what epithets you use, since they will only entitle 
 me to fuller amends. But allow me." 
 
 Ad lifting a curtain behind her, a softened rose-light fell 
 on her glowing features. There he stood, gazing down upon 
 her with his basilisk eyes, while the rich color came and 
 went in her face. 
 
 " Do you know, ma chere amie, what a feast it is to watch 
 your varying countenance? This is one of the ways by 
 which I have divined that interest in me to give it no more 
 specific name which you have striven so hard to conceal." 
 
 " Mr. Levere," replied she, erecting herself, " your vanity 
 and audacity are intolerable." 
 
 " And yet, with all your hauteur, you find it quite possible 
 to tolerate them. Nay, more ; in spite of your studied re 
 serve, by all those infinitesimal signs which I am well 
 skilled in interpreting, I now affirm what I intimated when 
 last here." And fixing his eyes on hers, he added, in a low 
 but distinct voice, " You are at this moment as much in love 
 with me, as in those old passionate days on the Rhine." 
 
 Springing from her seat, and imperiously stamping her 
 foot, Ednah confronted him, 
 
 " Insolent wretch ! thus to insult a woman, especially one 
 whom you once professed to adore. Weak as you deem me, 
 6
 
 62 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 I am not so weak as to give you the smallest right to tri 
 umph over me. And whatever power you may have had, is 
 gone forever. From this moment I scorn and defy you. 
 Leave me, base man, and never cross this threshold again." 
 
 Base man, indeed ! He well knew his game. During her 
 vehement tirade, he stood smiling coolly, with his magnetic 
 eyes fastened upon hers, which were literally blazing with 
 wrath. That penetrating, assured gaze was continued till 
 she trembled from head to foot. 
 
 Throwing herself upon the couch, she began to weep con 
 vulsively. Then he knelt beside her, and clasping her hand, 
 said, in honeyed tones, 
 
 " Pardon, sweet Ednah ! I have wounded ; now let me 
 cure. You denounce my vanity. But it is enough to turn 
 the head of a poor sinner like me, to know that he owns the 
 heart of the fairest and proudest lady in the land, and that 
 against the combined claims of heaven and earth. Can you 
 not find in this some excuse for my temerity, and so grant 
 absolution?" 
 
 " I will forgive you, Philip, if " 
 
 " No ifs, pray, or we shall quarrel again. You must 
 pardon me out and out." 
 
 " On condition of better conduct in future." 
 
 " I assent, for deeds are always better than words. And 
 that love which you cannot deny, entitles me to some 
 privileges." 
 
 Every moment the temptation had been growing stronger 
 to leave my recess, and thus put an end to this unfitting 
 scene. But I saw that Ednah was struggling hard against 
 the sorcerer, and I could not but hope she would yet prevail. 
 Striving to preserve her composure, she replied, in a low 
 voice,
 
 ESPERANCE. 63 
 
 " Whether it be true or not that I retain any interest in 
 you, you certainly have no claim to the smallest expression 
 of any such interest." 
 
 " And why not? " 
 
 " Because," said she, with indescribable bitterness, " I am 
 a married woman." 
 
 " And therefore, in your wretchedness, entitled to some 
 consolations. But I do not forget that you are Mrs. Frazer. 
 It is only some little favors that I seek." 
 
 And the wretch dared to press a kiss on those wedded 
 lips. 
 
 Watching the unfolding of this drama with terrible inter 
 est, I had sat almost like one paralyzed. But I could no 
 longer be restrained. Springing from my seat, I impetu 
 ously exclaimed,' 
 
 " Lieutenant Levere,' is this shameless conduct befitting a 
 gentleman and a soldier ? " 
 
 His face was instantly distorted by a scowl, while the 
 blood mounted in torrents to Ednah's cheeks. But regain 
 ing her self-control in a moment, 
 
 " You quite startled me at first, Esperance ; but you know 
 we have no concealments from you." 
 
 Then whispering a few words to her companion, of which 
 I only caught enough to know that they were in French, he 
 rose and walked away. 
 
 " Now, sit down, child, and say all you wish. I admit he 
 is a naughty man ; these officers always are, and they like 
 to make us women naughty too. And the trouble is, there 
 is no helping ourselves, as you will find out before long." 
 
 I had noticed that Levere stepped behind us. As Ednah 
 finished speaking, my face was seized and held firmly by
 
 64 ESPERANCE. 
 
 both his hands, while the audacious villain stooped to kiss 
 my unwilling mouth, saying coolly, 
 
 " This, my little lady, is conduct exactly befitting a " 
 Before he had completed his sentence, his movement was 
 arrested by a heavy blow upon his cheek, inflicted by my 
 wrathful hand. My temper was thoroughly roused. And 
 as there was no magnetism for me in his glittering eyes, I 
 was able to look him steadily in the face. So I relieved 
 myself by pouring upon him such a torrent of indignant 
 words, that he actually quailed, and with a whisper to Ednah, 
 abruptly withdrew. The next minute I was in my room, 
 pacing rapidly up and down, and venting in incoherent lan 
 guage my outraged feelings.
 
 ESPERANCE. 65 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 WHEN the angry storm had somewhat abated, I sat down, 
 and leaning my head upon the table, began to ponder what I 
 should do next. Suddenly the door opened, and Ednah's 
 arms were round me. 
 
 " I could not rest while you were angry, dear Espy. But 
 don't fret about the savage. These officers are regular wild 
 beasts. They don't mean anything, however, and we have 
 to tolerate them. Confess, now, it is not so very' disagreea 
 ble, after all, to receive attentions from a handsome officer. 
 That is my opinion, certes, and though he often vexes me, I 
 always contrive some excuse for him." 
 
 " If you have no regard for me, Ednah," I said, when 
 able to control myself sufficiently to speak, *' I think a wife 
 is bound to consider her own honor, and to resent such in 
 sults as they deserve." 
 
 11 Et tu, Brute?" and she looked reproachfully. "But, 
 no, child ; it is girlish excitement that makes you rave." 
 
 " If you choose to frame excuses for him, at least you will 
 not attempt to justify yourself as a married woman." 
 
 " I know I am dreadfully naughty. But be cool, and let 
 me talk to you." And stroking my hair, and kissing my 
 cheek, she continued, " My birdie's feathers are frightfully 
 rumpled, but we will smooth them down. Ma foi I but one 
 of these days you will be a real Juno. Now listen to me. 
 6*
 
 66 ESPEEANCE. 
 
 I was never made for an heroic character like you. Nor 
 have I anything of the prude about me. And you must re- 
 
 
 
 member that I have lived in Paris, where such flirtations are 
 necessary to respectability. To the pure, you know, all 
 things are pure." 
 
 " That is a clear perversion, Ednah. We are not in Paris ; 
 and you have no right, by your indiscretions, to bring dis 
 honor on our house." 
 
 Her eye flashed, but the next moment she was all tender 
 ness. 
 
 " I will make you my confidante, Esperance." 
 
 " I have gathered sufficient knowledge of your acquaint^ 
 ance with Mr. Levere, from the two interviews in your 
 parlor. For I was an unwilling witness of the one directly 
 after my father's departure for the west." 
 
 " Then you know enough to understand our unhappy po 
 sition," said she, winding her arms round me, and laying her 
 head on my shoulder. "But, on my honor, with all his 
 entreaties, I have not allowed him such % a liberty before. 
 And he only won it now by a manoeuvre. I promise you 
 he shall never do so again. But it is so hard to resist him. 
 Dear Espy, I am sometimes so wretched, I am tempted to 
 destroy myself. But you will be a good friend to me." 
 
 " I have always been your devoted friend ; but I cannot 
 blind myself to the wrong of your having any intercourse 
 with such a man." 
 
 " It is only for a short time, and it would be too cruel 
 entirely to separate us ; for, Espy, we cannot help loving." 
 
 " But you can help sinning" I spoke plainly, for on all 
 these points my instincts were yet true and strong. 
 
 " Do not be so harsh, dear. Love me and pity me ;
 
 ESPEBANCE. 67 
 
 but there is the hall door. It is your father. O Espy, I 
 wish I were dead." 
 
 And kissing me, the misguided woman left the room. I 
 was greatly distressed, being full of sympathy, as well as 
 anxiety, for Ednah, and not knowing what I ought to do 
 what I could do. At the tea-table she was unusually gay, 
 and exceedingly complaisant to rny father. This appearance 
 she kept up for a day or two. She treated me, also, with 
 flattering kindness, though she carefully avoided the subject 
 on which we differed. 
 
 One morning, as I was returning from a solitary stroll, 
 Levere overtook me, and in his most courtly manner bade 
 me good morning. 
 
 I replied by a formal bow. 
 
 " You are charitable enough, I am confident, Miss Frazer, 
 to forgive my past offences, and generous enough to do me a 
 favor. Will you hand this note to Mrs. Frazer?" 
 
 " Excuse me, sir." 
 
 " But surely you will not refuse " 
 
 I answered by walking rapidly away. 
 
 The next day, as I was taking my accustomed stroll on 
 the river banks, I heard footsteps behind me. Pursuing my 
 course among the thick shrubbery, the steps were in a mo 
 ment at my side ; and, looking up, I was annoyed to see the 
 lieutenant, who had a flushed air, as though he had been 
 drinking freely. 
 
 " Bon jour, ma belle Esperance." 
 
 I made no reply, but quickened my movements. 
 
 " You are a wonderfully spirited lass," said he, hastening 
 after me ; " but you only excite me to overcome that spirit." 
 And he suddenly threw his arms round me.
 
 68 ESPERANCE. 
 
 Almost beside myself with resentment, for none feel 
 such insults more keenly than a young girl, I quickly 
 broke from him. 
 
 " You are prudish, Miss Hope." 
 
 " Prudish or not, you are a villain, as I shall not scruple 
 to tell any one." 
 
 " Miss Frazer " 
 
 His keen eye flashed as he spoke, but before he could 
 proceed farther, I caught the sound of wheels. Stepping 
 quickly to a bend in the road, I saw good Dr. Belden's buggy 
 approaching. As his eye fell on me, he stopped, saying, 
 
 " "Well, Hope, are you ready for a ride? " 
 
 " Quite, sir." 
 
 " Then give me your hand, and jump in." 
 
 Turning round, with a long gaze at my face, 
 
 " You look a great deal better than you used to. And 
 yet, there's something to pay. Why, your eyes shine like 
 fire-flies, and your cheeks are a leetle too much flushed for 
 such a pale body. Have you been up to a race in the 
 woods ? " 
 
 " Perhaps I have. You used to recommend such things." 
 
 " Well, well, it's all right, if you don't get too much out 
 of breath. But you will never be an Anakim, dear. How 
 long since you stopped letting down tucks ? " 
 
 " I did npt get into your buggy to be catechised. But if 
 you are determined to measure me, I will save you the 
 trouble by announcing myself just four feet ten and a quar 
 ter inches." 
 
 " Ha, ha ! I like your spunk. Well, ' multum in parvo,' 
 you know. Besides, you are not the very smallest woman 
 that ever was."
 
 ESPEBANCE. 69 
 
 Bent on concealing my vexation, I joined him in his play 
 fulness. At length he made a pause ; and when he spoke 
 again, it was in a more serious tone. 
 
 " I may say it to you, Miss Hope, for you were always a 
 wise little body. I would give all my old shoes, and they 
 are not a few, if that jackanapes of an officer were only 
 safe in Botany Bay." 
 
 It was on my tongue's end to say amen, but I chopped off 
 the word. Not for my right hand would I have had him 
 know what I had borne from Levere. So I sat very silent 
 and demure, while he continued, in an apologetic tone, 
 
 " You see, dear, your father was too old and grave to ven 
 ture on the hazardous experiment of appropriating a gay and 
 beautiful young woman. These women, you know, are un 
 tamable things." 
 
 " And what about these men ? " 
 
 " Oh, they are full bad enough, I admit ; and I advise you, 
 as a friend," said he, with a twinkle of his eye, " never to 
 undertake the management of any of them." 
 
 " No danger of that." 
 
 " So the girls all say. Well, we shall see. But here we 
 are, at your father's gates. Do you expect me to take you 
 through that long avenue ? " 
 
 " Not at all, sir." 
 
 " That is lucky, because it will save you a disappointment. 
 Whoa, Jerry. Do you presume on my dismounting to assist 
 you?" 
 
 " You shall see." And with a bound I stood on the pave 
 ment.
 
 70 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 WHEN I met Ednah at the tea-table, I saw in a moment 
 that she was displeased. I went from the dining-room into 
 the garden, where I sought to quiet my perturbed spirit. 
 Ednah soon joined me, and, in a freezing tone, observed, 
 
 " So you refused to deliver me a note." 
 
 " I could not do otherwise." 
 
 " You are a ." With great effort mastering her excite 
 ment, she continued, " Something has come over you, for 
 you are very unlike yourself. Your refusal cost me some 
 miserable hours, for I had a special appointment with Le- 
 vere. And as he failed to keep it, I supposed some accident 
 must have befallen him." 
 
 " I am sorry to disappoint you, but I think such appoint 
 ments very wrong." 
 
 " I did not ask your opinion," answered she, sharply ; 
 " nor shall I change my course at your suggestion. If you 
 choose to be unkind, we can do without you." 
 
 " Levere is a scoundrel." 
 
 " Take care how you speak ! " 
 
 "And he is well known to be a profligate," proceeded I, 
 without heeding her words. 
 
 " That may be, so far as the past is concerned. Of course 
 I am not fool enough to presume that cne of his rare fasci 
 nations is of orthodoxly immaculate virtue, or that he has
 
 ESPERANCE. 71 
 
 escaped without some triumphs over our sex. But from 
 this time I will answer for his truth and fidelity." 
 
 " I have only to add that his treatment of me is out 
 rageous. To-day he has dared to repeat his insult, and in a 
 grosser form." 
 
 "What do you mean?" 
 
 " I mean that he overtook me on the hill, and repeated his 
 insolence." 
 
 " But he could not have been in earnest ! " 
 
 " Then it was most dastardly sport." 
 
 " The deceiver ! " muttered she, while an angry flush dyed 
 her cheeks. " If he does not explain this satisfactorily, dear 
 Hope, and make an ample apology to us both, I have done 
 with him." 
 
 " You had better break with him without conditions, Ed- 
 nah, for there can be no explanation." 
 
 " That would be unjust. No, I must first see him. Ma 
 foi ! that is his knock. Will you come to the parlor, if I 
 send for you ? " 
 
 " No, Ednah." 
 
 I retired early, but could not rest. Everything seemed 
 to go wrong with me. And I rose the next morning with 
 one of my dismal headaches. 
 
 " All is handsomely explained, child," said Ednah, as she 
 came to my room after breakfast. " He says your prudery 
 vexed him, and he wished to give you a lesson you would 
 remember. Then he was displeased at your ill-natured re 
 fusal to do him a favor, and desired a. little harmless revenge. 
 But the moment he discovered that you were flattered by his 
 demonstrations, he desisted. As for myself, I can forgive 
 you for feeling the force of his attractions."
 
 72 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 Whether her last remark was made in mockery or earnest, 
 I could not tell ; but my indignation rose beyond all bounds, 
 and I exclaimed, 
 
 " He is a base liar. And if you choose to continue your 
 intimacy with such a wretch, I warn you that I will report 
 you to my father." 
 
 " Do it at your peril," said she, lifting a menacing finger, 
 as she left the room. 
 
 Overpowered by painful excitement, I threw myself on 
 the bed, where I lay all day with a distressing headache, 
 and a worse heartache. I had loved Ednah with a girl's 
 passionate affection, and now the chain that bound me to her 
 was rudely sundered. I felt, too, that in my hot haste I 
 had destroyed any influence I might have had with her. At 
 length I sunk into an uneasy slumber. A gentle hand, placed 
 on my head, awoke me. 
 
 "Nancy said I might come and nurse you," said little 
 Ada. " So I climbed up softly, and have been holding your 
 headache." 
 
 " You are a good child, but you will get tired." 
 
 " No, I will never be tired of taking care of you. Shall 
 I wet a cloth, and put it on your head?" 
 
 " If you can." 
 
 " May I look in your drawer ? " 
 
 " Certainly." 
 
 And the little fairy found a handkerchief, and standing on 
 tiptoe before my washstand, she carefully lifted the pitcher, 
 and poured out some water into the bowl. Then wringing 
 out the handkerchief, she tenderly laid it on my head. 
 
 " That is done nicely, Ada." 
 
 "Does it make your headic-ache better?" 
 
 "Yes, dear."
 
 ESPEBANCE. ., 73 
 
 " Does it make you well enough for me to tell you just 
 one question ? " 
 
 " You can try." 
 
 " When I die, how will God get the things on to my 
 shoulders ? " 
 
 "What things?" 
 
 " The shining things they fly with." 
 
 "The wings?" 
 
 " Yes, the wings. How will he fasten them on? " 
 
 " I don't know, Ada." 
 
 " Do you think he will pin them on, or sew them, or tie 
 them ? / think it would be best to sew them." 
 
 " I don't think he will fasten them on at all." 
 
 " Then I should be afraid they would come off while they 
 are flying." 
 
 "What put such a question into your head, child?" 
 
 "Why, I was thinking how God would get the wings on 
 me when I die, so that I could fly to heaven without falling. 
 Mamma will come down and get me, won't she?" 
 
 " Perhaps so," I replied. " But what makes you think so 
 much about dying ? " 
 
 " Because I can't help it. And when I'm asleep, I often 
 see mamma coming for me. But I can't see her wings. 
 Perhaps they are behind her back." 
 
 " You will drive me into the blues, if you keep on." 
 
 She opened wide her clear eyes, not understanding me, but 
 presently went on, 
 
 " When I die, I will fly round you like a bird, and take 
 care of you all the time. Should you like me to ? " 
 
 " I dare say I should ; but. I want to be quiet, so you had 
 better go now." 
 
 7
 
 74 ESPBBANCE. 
 
 " I will be so still." 
 
 "No, dear ! I had rather be alone." 
 
 She looked very sorrowful ; but stooping to kiss me, she 
 slid from the bed ; then walking slowly to the door, she 
 opened it carefully, and, turning back, said, 
 
 " Good by, my Espy." 
 
 Good by, Ada." 
 
 And the sunshine vanished from my room. 
 
 As I recall those days, I remember that Ada's step seemed 
 to grow lighter, week by week. And she begged more fre 
 quently to be read to from that holy book left her by our 
 sainted mother, while her eyes sought mine with a tender, 
 wistful expression. But little was the sympathy I gave her. 
 
 After she had gone, I tried to quiet my self-reproach for 
 dismissing her, by reverting to the question which for a few 
 days had pressed so heavily upon me. What could I do ? 
 There was no use in going to Miss Campbell, for she could 
 not give me adequate counsel without knowing all the cir 
 cumstances which hedged me in so closely. And these, every 
 feeling forbade me to reveal. The longer I pondered, the 
 darker seemed my way. And when, at length, I fell asleep, 
 it was only to be pursued by the same pressing doubt. 
 
 The next morning, when I went down stairs, I found that 
 my father had gone out of town. Listlessly I wandered 
 about, not knowing what to do. At length, taking " Childe 
 Harold," I threw myself under a linden in the front yard. 
 At about eleven, I heard a carriage rolling up the avenue, 
 and as it stopped, saw Mr. Levere descend. In a moment 
 Ednah appeared, arrayed for a drive. As they passed me, her 
 quick eye caught mine, and motioning to her companion to 
 stop, she called out,
 
 E8PEEANCE. 75 
 
 " If Mr. Frazer should return before us] please say to him 
 that we are passing the day at Pine Grove." 
 
 "With a mocking smile they both bowed, and the carriage 
 rolled away. 
 
 It seemed an interminable day, for I was oppressed beyond 
 measure. I resolved that I would speak to my father of 
 Ednah's conduct without further delay. My sense of duty 
 was strengthened, I fear, by resentment. 
 
 'I sat by a window where I could command the avenue. 
 The gay young couple returned first, as I was sure they 
 meant to do. As the lieutenant left, he gallantly kissed his 
 hand to Ednah, calling out, 
 
 " Au revoir." 
 
 Feeling unequal to the effort of going down to supper, I 
 rang my bell, and ordered a cup of strong tea. I also desired 
 to be informed when my father retired to the library, for I 
 knew Ednah never devoted a whole evening to him. At 
 about eight the summons came. With a palpitating heart 
 I went down stairs, and passing through the long hall, 
 knocked timidly at the library door. When I found myself 
 alone in that forbidding presence, the dreadful scene of long 
 ago flashed upon me ; and I stood there like a culprit, my 
 tongue cleaving to the roof of my mouth. 
 
 "What have you to say ? " asked that stern voice. 
 
 "I thought I ought to tell you ought to know that 
 there are unpleasant rumors concerning the intimacy of 
 Lieutenant Levere with Mrs. Frazer." 
 
 A long silence. Then I continued, 
 
 " This morning they went out alone in a carriage, to pass 
 the day at Pine Grove." 
 
 Another pause.
 
 76 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 " Have you anything more to report?" 
 
 " No, sir," I replied, feeling at liberty to confine myself 
 to generals. 
 
 " Then let me tell you that you are a shameless girl, as 
 you always were. But your arts will avail you nothing. 
 Last night Mrs. Frazer came to me in tears. She came to 
 her husband for protection, and she shall have it. She told 
 me how you had beguiled that gentleman into certain free 
 doms. In short, I understand you. They went to Pine 
 Grove with my consent. Indeed, I urged it upon her when 
 I found she thought of refusing on account of your 
 reproaches. I told her, moreover, that she should no 
 longer be compelled to endure your presence. So I have 
 applied for your admission to Crawford Female Seminary. 
 You deserve to be an outcast, but I will put you where you 
 will be disciplined for your falsity and baseness. If they 
 receive you at Crawford, you will remain there till you have 
 completed the course, coming home, perhaps, once a year, in 
 order that your disgrace may not be made public. One 
 thing more ; you will keep your own room till you leave 
 town. You may go now." 
 
 Lingering one moment, I ventured to say, 
 
 " Time will prove who has spoken the trufh, and who 
 disgraces your name. I am glad to go to school, and qualify 
 myself for teaching, so that I shall not be obliged to tax for 
 my support one who has always hated me." 
 
 Smiling in mockery, he bowed and waved his hand. 
 With a hot face and a fast-beating heart, I crossed the 
 threshold, and reeutered my solitary room.
 
 ESPERANCE. 77 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 IT was on a rainy afternoon^ that I arrived at Crawford. 
 With a sense of utter forlornness, I took a coach from the 
 Landing, and was carried to the Seminary. It was a four- 
 storied brick building, with a gloomy, prison-like aspect, 
 having no trees, or other signs of taste on the premises. 
 The principal, Miss Carey, wh$ soon made her appearance, 
 was a woman of formal manners, but with a good counte 
 nance. She asked me a few questions, and then sent for 
 Miss Belinda Lawson, my destined room-mate, to show me 
 to my quarters. If anything could deepen my depression, 
 it was the idea of no longer enjoying the luxury of solitude. 
 In my distress, I ventured to ask Miss Carey if it were not 
 possible for me to room alone. 
 
 " Certainly not," she replied, looking surprised at my 
 question. 
 
 So I mechanically followed Miss Lawson up one flight of 
 stairs, and another, and another, into the fourth story, the 
 servants coming after with my trunks. Our room was of 
 moderate size, and had but one small closet, which contained 
 a few shelves. Miss Lawson, who proved to be one of the 
 excessively neat bodies, had invented a sort of clothes-press, 
 by driving nails for our dresses into the wall of the chamber, 
 and hanging a sheet over them as a curtain. 
 
 The first thing I did was to walk straight to the window, 
 7*
 
 78 ESPEKANCE. 
 
 where, with something like satisfaction, I caught the outline 
 of my beloved Catskill Mountains, and also a distant gleam of 
 the North River, in its silvery flow. These familiar objects 
 would ordinarily have occasioned a homesick feeling, but I 
 had no home. As I stood gazing, Miss Lawson inquired if 
 she should show me where to put my things, having no 
 opinion of such a useless expenditure of time. I turned 
 drearily, and unlocking my trunk, took out my dresses, and 
 hung them on the portion of nails assigned me. Then I 
 laid my books on the closet shelves Miss Lawson pointed 
 out for my use. I had brought no school books, but only 
 some of my favorite authors. Miss Lawson picked up a 
 volume to put in its place, and looking at the title, gravely 
 remarked, 
 
 " Miss Carey will not allow you to retain this." Then 
 glancing over several other books, she added, " We are not 
 permitted such reading, Miss Frazer." 
 
 I made no reply, for I could say nothing but to express 
 my indignation, and that would do no good. 
 
 A gong was now sounded in the hall. 
 
 " That is to prepare for tea." 
 
 " I do not wish any." 
 
 " Miss Carey excuses no one except for sickness." 
 
 In about five minutes the discordant call was again 
 heard, and Miss Lawson went promptly down. Presently 
 she returned. 
 
 " Miss Carey desires you to come down." 
 
 I rose, and reluctantly followed my room-mate down one 
 flight of stairs after another into the dining-hall, where I 
 met a sufficient penalty for my slight oflence. That large, 
 waiting assembly had been kept standing on my account,
 
 E8PEBANCE. 7.9 
 
 and now every eye was fixed on me. I was naturally 
 timid, and as I made my way to my appointed place, my 
 cheeks burned uncomfortably. After all were seated, Miss 
 Carey said grace in a distinct voice, and then the clatter of 
 dishes commenced. I declined to take anything, for I was 
 too unhappy to eat. But I presume my refusal seemed like 
 obstinacy. And I had good reason to know afterwards, that 
 the prejudice I inconsiderately excited that first evening, 
 lasted for months. 
 
 According to Ednah's suggestion, I had been well drilled 
 in the accomplishments ; but, as I was greatly behindhand 
 in the fundamental branches, I was put into the lower 
 classes. The whole routine of the school was exceedingly 
 distasteful to me, although it was just the discipline I needed. 
 My hours were strictly apportioned out, and I was scarcely 
 ever alone. A few of the students were allowed to study in 
 their own rooms ; but most of us learned our lessons in the 
 large hall, the care of the several tables being assigned to 
 different monitors. No day-dreaming was possible here. 
 If any one ventured to indulge in a wandering thought, it 
 was known in a moment, and with an unpleasant jolt, the 
 car was again swung upon the track. We were drilled like 
 soldiers, and no foot could be off the line without disturbing 
 the whole order. 
 
 I did not intend to break the rules, particularly as there 
 was no use in resistance ; but it took me a long time to 
 attain the strict discipline of the school. Thus I received 
 not a few private and public admonitions. My chum, on the 
 other hand, was exceedingly scrupulous in her observance of 
 every prescribed duty. There was a novelty in the manner 
 in which she put herself through her daily routine, which
 
 80 ESPERANCE. 
 
 afforded me considerable amusement, though I do not think 
 she had any idea I was watching her. 
 
 Belinda Lawson was kind, but with not the least tender 
 ness about her. "We had very little to say to each other, 
 for she was always busy, and I had no inclination to talk. 
 What she did say, however, was in the line of reproof or 
 advice, which she inflicted upon me whenever she thought I 
 needed it, but which, I fear, was mostly thrown away. 
 
 So time dragged on, till the vacation came, which, by a 
 special arrangement of my father's, I was to spend at the 
 same tiresome boarding-house. And now let me peep into 
 my old journal, and steal some extracts from my crude 
 records in those foolish young days. 
 
 November 6. I have just been out to the bookseller's, 
 making an important purchase, namely, this same blank 
 book, which I intend to fill with myself. 
 
 The girls went away this morning in fine spirits, having 
 dear ones at home, who will meet them with open arms. 
 Ministers are always saying that the ways of God are equal, 
 but, in my opinion, they are very unequal. Indeed, every 
 thing seems to happen more by chance than design. And 
 here comes up one of the old questions which I have pondered 
 so often. Is there any other God than chance ? On any sup 
 position, I am almost equally oppressed. It is a dreary thing 
 to have no God, and yet this is as well for our necessities, 
 as to have an unsympathizing and arbitrary one. 
 
 I see there are about half a dozen girls left besides 
 myself, truly a forlorn set of us in this great brick jail. 
 
 Well, Esperance, you are clearly a miserable young lady, 
 without expectations of any kind whatsoever. An exile from
 
 ESPERANCE. 81 
 
 home, your father and she who, by her relation, ought to 
 have been your mother, positively hostile ; and having no 
 one to whom you dare, or wish to unbosom yourself. Can 
 you contradict this ? 
 
 So far from it, I admit the whole. Before I had reached 
 my teens, I was weary of life. Then came Eduah, with her 
 voluptuous beauty and rare fascinations, and cast a bright 
 halo over my gloomy path. She was my first friendship, 
 and oh, what a passionate one it was ! 
 
 But that chapter is closed. A cold tombstone is erected 
 over the grave of that dead and buried first friendship. 
 Why may I not as well write the epitaph? Let me con 
 sider. Yes, I have an appropriate one. 
 
 " Alas ! our young affections run to waste, 
 Or water but the desert ; whence arise 
 But weeds of dark luxuriance, tares of haste, 
 Rank at the core, though tempting to the eyes ; 
 Flowers whose wild odors breathe but agonies, 
 And trees whose gums are poison." 
 
 Now let me wall up the grave, and wander there no more. 
 For, try to be indifferent and satirical as I may, such memo 
 ries eat into my heart. 
 
 November 7. How foolish it is to allow these insidious 
 dreams to. steal over me! Nay, Hope Frazer, the bitter 
 sweet of love is not for thee. In spite of Ednah's flatteries, 
 I am too plain to win such a man as my fancy depicts. 
 Besides, I am reserved and repellent. So, farewell to all 
 such reveries. 
 
 After Tea. Those blue mountains mock me with their 
 serenity. There, I have turned my back upon them, and
 
 82 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 now I will jot down some lines which have been running in 
 my head this dismal afternoon. 
 
 November 9. Morning. I had finished my verses last 
 evening, and was deep in thought, when I heard a tap at my 
 door. I opened it, and Miss Eleanor Cottrell, one of the 
 young ladies who have remained, entered the room. 
 
 " Well, Miss Frazer, if you will not make any advances, 
 I will. What's the use of moping all the time ? We may 
 as well get up some excitement." 
 
 " What will you do ? " 
 
 ''Anything that offers make your acquaintance, to begin 
 with. Any way, I am determined to analyze you." 
 
 This was said with a mixture of bravado and condescen 
 sion which I did not fancy, but I simply replied, 
 
 " You are welcome to do so, if you can." 
 
 " Very gracious, but I like your coolness under the cir 
 cumstances." 
 
 I was amused by her call, and sat pondering upon it, till 
 suddenly I missed my verses. I was thoroughly vexed, but 
 had no means of redress. After breakfast to-day, I found a 
 letter on the table, containing my foolish rhymes, with the 
 accompanying note : 
 
 " Enclosed is my returned theft. Thanks to it, I know 
 you now, and acknowledge a kindred spirit, but want to see 
 you more positive. The poetry is tolerable for a mere 
 school-girl, but you will do better. I believe we shall suit 
 each other. I owe the world nothing but a grudge, yet I 
 am determined to get something out of it. But no more 
 now. Come to my room, No. 35, this evening. 
 
 \ ELEANOR."
 
 ESPERANCE. 83 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 CONTINUATION OF MY JOURNAL. 
 
 I HAVE been reading my piece with some care, for I am 
 not without pride. I think I will copy it ; but I must have 
 a title. Let me consider. I will call it what it actually is. 
 
 THE CRY OF MY HEART. 
 
 Sailing down the rapid stream of life, 
 "Whose tidal currents, with deep perils rife, 
 Rush on and on, without one sheltering lee, 
 Bearing me deathward to eternity ! 
 
 Dreary the night ! deep thunders sullen roll , 
 O'er frowning heaven from pole to angry pole ; 
 While through the gloom, fierce lightnings glaring dart, 
 Striking wild terror to my sinking heart. 
 
 Around me flaming billows roar and dash, 
 And my frail bark with ceaseless fury lash ; 
 Thus riding on the waves and tempest-tost, 
 My doom is written to be wrecked and lost ! 
 
 But should this be, would not the ocean bed 
 Give sweet repose unto my aching head ? 
 Would not the melancholy, moaning surge, 
 Above my pillow, be most fitting dirge ?
 
 84 ESPERANCB. 
 
 Oh, could I hope for any place of rest 
 Where stilled would be the anguish of this breast, 
 Glad would I welcome all the frowns of Fate, 
 And calmly drink her cup of deadliest hate ! 
 
 Yet not this hope can cheat me of the pain 
 Which madness drives into my burning brain, 
 When I look forward to that shoreless sea, 
 On which a drifted soul- wreck I may be. 
 
 Oh, for a friendly hand my bark to guide 
 O'er the dark billows of Tune's rushing tide, 
 To land my spirit on some kinder shore, 
 Where waves of sorrow will disturb no more ! 
 
 I have read better poetry, that is certain. But consider 
 ing this was spun out of the very fibres of my heart, it 
 seems cruel to criticise it. I must, however, keep the veil 
 drawn close about my private griefs. 
 
 November 10. " I am going to be frank, Hope Frazer," 
 said Eleanor to-day. " I am an orphan, under the care of a 
 detestable, straight-laced guardian. Not but that he is good 
 enough in his way, but I abhor sanctimoniousness. His 
 only son and I took it into our heads to fall in love with 
 each other. Mr. Granger, for some reason, was dead set 
 against this, and sent me here to be out of the way. But 
 he can't help himself, for Orlando and I have our own way 
 of correspondence. And after a time that is, when my 
 ladyship sees fit to be sufficiently persuaded he will find 
 himself completely outwitted. Don't look shocked. I be 
 lieve in the supremacy of love over all other claims. So 
 much for sentiment. And now I am bound to reveal my 
 principles. I see that you are a natural doubter, but you can 
 not yet swing yourself clear of old notions. You have read
 
 ESPERANCE. 85 
 
 poetry and romance of the right sort, but you need argument 
 also. I have some books safely concealed from all prying 
 eyes, and you shall read them. They will take you up into 
 a freer air." 
 
 This was the substance of her talk. But enough for to 
 night. 
 
 November 11. I have been reading Paine's " Age of Rea 
 son," one of Miss Cottrell's books, which now lies locked up 
 in the bottom of my trunk. It is attractive in style, and 
 specious in argument. I have not read it without many 
 qualms of conscience, yet, in spite of them, I am now in 
 the last chapter. My doubts before were occasional and 
 floating. Shall I become a settled unbeliever? Oh, my 
 mother! * * * * 
 
 November 12. A singular love-letter ! Eleanor came 
 rushing to my room, with her cheeks in a burning glow, and 
 putting it in my hands, said, triumphantly, " See how we 
 cheat the old man ! I can trust you so far as to say " 
 
 " I beg you not to give me any troublesome confidences," 
 said I, holding my hand before her mouth. " I think you are 
 on a perilous road, and if I know too much, I may be 
 tempted to warn your teachers." 
 
 " If you do, I will curse you ; but I fear nothing. How 
 ever, it may be wisest to keep my own counsel. But read 
 that, and I will show you my answer." 
 
 And she vanished, leaving a part of Orlando's letter in my 
 hands. It is a passionate epistle, yet not such a one as 
 would suit me. It is not intellectual or high-toned enough. 
 
 November 13. Eleanor has just left her reply with me. 
 Neither do I like that. It is not what a true woman's love- 
 letters ought to be. Hovr can she enjoy tantalizing him so ? 
 8
 
 86 ESPERANCE. 
 
 And yet I feel as if I had it in me to be sufficiently tanta 
 lizing on occasion. 
 
 As to this intimacy with Eleanor, it is an awkward affair, 
 and not exactly to my mind. I am not satisfied, either, with 
 my underhanded manner of reading her books, but they in 
 terest me, and so I foolishly yield to her persuasions. 
 
 Evening. I have been taking a long, solitary walk, hav 
 ing declined Eleanor's company. I was too gloomy to bear 
 anybody's presence. The mysteries of life press upon me 
 painfully. Whence am I, and whither am I bound ? I look 
 up to the far-off sky, but no answer. I stretch my yearning 
 glance over the misty river ; I call to the shadowy forms on 
 those distant shores ; but not even an echo is returned. A 
 thick, visible, tangible darkness shuts down close around me. 
 
 November 17. I wish I could feel the smallest interest in 
 Mr. Gilbert's sermons. But he is dreadfully prosy. He 
 might just as well string passages together from the " Com 
 mon-School Reader." Strange that one believing as he 
 does, cannot find more to say ! But I doubt whether any 
 Christian really believes all he professes. There must be a 
 latent infidelity in the heart, or the life would be more fully 
 moulded by the faith. 
 
 This is a dreary November's day. How the wind sweeps 
 round these bleak prison walls ! It makes me shiver, and 
 yet I am in strange sympathy with it. Now it comes shriek 
 ing down the chimney as though it were an evil spirit in 
 torment. And who knows but it is? There is occasion 
 ally a fierce spite in its voice, as if the imp were bent on 
 mischief. Suppose it should tear down this great building 
 with one mighty blast, and bury us all beneath its walls ! 
 There, would be an end of all my weariness and sorrow.
 
 ESPEBANCE. 87 
 
 Yet would- it? Would not these waves of troubled life 
 wake up again on the eternal shores ? Who can tell me that 
 knows any better than I? The Bible? Ah, yes ! But if 
 the infidel be right, what is this Bible ? The oracle in our 
 own hearts may be as safely trusted. And that differs in 
 every man ; so I am again afloat. But do I really doubt 
 the Bible, on which my mother rested all her hopes ? I cau 
 hardly tell. In some moods, it seems to me like the ever 
 lasting rock ; but in others, all is drear uncertainty. 
 
 November 18. After Dinner. I have just got possession 
 of Dana's " Poems and Prose Writings ; " a precious waif to 
 be cast on this desert shore. It is a shame I could not have 
 had it all these holidays. Only to-day and to-morrow ! 
 Well, I must swallow it whole. 
 
 Evening. I have devoured the poetry, and am entranced, 
 though most of it is in a strain that makes me dreadfully blue. 
 
 I am just going to begin with the prose. Trust my lamp 
 is freshly filled, for I am determined not to close my eyes till 
 I have seen the last page. 
 
 Two o'clock, Tuesday Morning. I must have been sitting 
 here all of an hour, too much oppressed to move, or scarcely 
 breathe. When I had finished " Paul Felton," horror con 
 gealed me. The next minute, I wanted to scream loud 
 enough to waken every sleeper in Crawford. When this 
 impulse was over, I burst into tears, and cried like a baby, 
 as I am. I felt as if I couldn't, and wouldn't have it end so. 
 But at last I fell into an ominous silence, during: which the 
 
 ' O 
 
 room seemed full of evil spirits, ready to strangle me if I 
 made the smallest movement. Finally, with a desperate 
 effort, I seized my pen, and the spell is broken. And now 
 I must lay my aching head on the pillow.
 
 88 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 Eleven o'clock, A. M. But I could not sleep. My light 
 waned away and died. And then " Abel," with sunburnt 
 hair, leprous skin, glaring eyes, and long yellow teeth, began 
 to dance madly round me, brandishing aloft a rusty knife. It 
 was so vivid, so frightful an image, that I was glad to cover 
 up my head in the bed-clothes. And there I lay, shuddering, 
 till the flush of morning dispelled the hideous phantom. 
 
 But I can't get that harrowing story out of my head. It 
 would be a sort of grim relief if I could avenge myself in 
 some way on the narrator. But, with all that is horrible in the 
 tale, and in that element Mr. Dana perfectly riots, there 
 is yet something marvellously fascinating about Paul. What 
 touches of exquisite beauty and delicacy soften the harsh 
 outlines of his portrait ! What strength and stern truthful 
 ness give it character ! And what tender, protecting, and 
 reverent affection weaves a bright halo around it ! 
 
 Ah ! there is something potent beyond all other charms in 
 this capacity for intense and concentrated affection ! But 
 I am not fit to discuss such a subject, certainly not now, with 
 my nerves all on fire. 
 
 Afternoon. The Philistines be upon me. And the Actual 
 is again seizing me with its iron grasp. 
 
 Belinda Lawson has returned, and is at this moment sys 
 tematically emptying her trunk. I feel a strong temptation 
 to scatter her neatly-folded clothes all over the room ! What 
 dire astonishment would take hold upon her ! I wonder if 
 she would be very much vexed. I have a good mind to make 
 the experiment. She is leaving the room, and now is my 
 chance. 
 
 Poor Belinda has no sooner closed the door, than, with 
 irresistibly itching fingers, I fly about, and, dispersing her
 
 ESPERANCE. 89 
 
 things pell-mell, open the window. As I sit writing gravely 
 as before, she returns. I bend my head low, but can 
 catch her look of amazement. A strong current of wind is 
 setting in at the open window, giving her scattered garments 
 a fluttering motion. She evidently suspects it has been tricky 
 in her absence. She gazes about in a bewildered fashion, 
 occasionally eying me askance, but my undisturbed gravity 
 nips her suspicion in the bud. 
 
 " Miss Frazer, do you wish to have that window open? " 
 
 " Oh, no, Miss Lawson, not in the least, if it incommodes 
 you." All these words, uttered most blandly, and with a 
 good-natured closing of the window. 
 
 Then, looking about, I jump from my chair and assist her 
 to pick up, refold, and lay on the bed her dishevelled 
 wardrobe. 
 
 " Thank you, Miss Frazer." 
 
 This was said so cordially, that I was instantly visited with 
 compunction, and should have confessed my sin, had I not 
 opportunely recollected that she knows nothing about me, 
 and would conclude that I am a much more vicious character 
 than I admit myself to be. And the idea of explaining my 
 sudden freak to her satisfaction, or comprehension, even, 
 seemed preposterous. Wherefore, I forbore, and have the 
 gratification of standing as high in her esteem as ever, 
 though with some little drawback in the consciousness of 
 having practised an imposition on the honest soul. 
 8*
 
 90 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 TRAVELLING in a treadmill! How tiresome it was, I 
 never conjectured until I had the experience. Now, I should 
 not be surprised to see any beast, thus toiling on without a 
 goal in view, stop short out of sheer desperation, and abso 
 lutely refuse to take another step. But I did no such thing ; 
 for I knew that after my appointed number of rounds, I 
 should be set upon another road the mistress of my own 
 destiny. So I toiled on, learning, reciting, reviewing, day 
 after day, week after week, 'month after month. 
 
 As to my intimate friend, Eleanor Cottrell, who told me 
 all her secrets, but to whom I told none, she was not without 
 talent. But she had no fondness for study, and would have 
 been a hinderance, had I not plainly told her to let me alone 
 in term time. In our occasional crossings during the busi 
 ness-hours of school, she gave me to understand by her sig 
 nificant winkings and other freemasonries, that her love 
 matters were going on prosperously. 
 
 One memorable day, while I was reciting a lesson in alge 
 bra, I was summoned to Miss Carey. Her serious, tender 
 look smote upon my heart, but I could ask no question. 
 
 " I have sad news for you, my dear. Your little sister " 
 
 " Not dead?" I almost shrieked. 
 
 " No, my dear, but she is very sick, and your father has 
 sent for you."
 
 ESPERANCE. 91 
 
 As I made no reply, she put her hand softly on my head ; 
 
 " Lift up your heart to God, and he will help you." 
 
 Alas ! I was, perhaps, about to lose my sweet Ada, and I 
 had no God to comfort me. I felt stunned, and stood with 
 out asking a question. 
 
 " Your father's man, John Biley, as he calls himself, has 
 come for you, and will be here again with the stage in half 
 an hour. You will put up what is necessary as soon as 
 possible, and be ready to go with him." 
 
 I had thought myself indifferent to everybody, but the 
 pangs I endured on my way to my room proved how fondly 
 I loved my sister. 
 
 Ill tidings travel on wings. Miss Lawson had evidently 
 heard mine, for, as I entered the room, she came towards me, 
 saying, 
 
 " I will put up your things, dear Hope. Just sit down 
 and rest yourself." 
 
 I obeyed, and mechanically watched her. She seemed to 
 know exactly what I might want, and scarcely asking a 
 question, she had everything in readiness by the time I was 
 summoned. 
 
 " Tell me all, John," said I, when we were on our way. 
 
 " "Well, Miss Hope, there ain't much to tell. Little Miss 
 Ada has seemed all along growing more and more of an 
 angel. She took your absence hard, and it's my private 
 opinion that she's been kind o* pining ever since. When I've 
 been to work, she'd come and talk with me, and such wise 
 things as she'd say, was enough to make me scared. I tolled 
 Nancy we should sartin be hearing the death-tick. 
 
 " Well, nobody knows what ails hep. She's jest growed 
 whiter and thinner. And lately she's talked about you all
 
 92- ESPEBANCE. 
 
 the time, and begged to have you come home. Your pa 
 didn't seem to favor it, but Dr. Belden, he set in, and got his 
 consent." 
 
 We were up to this time alone, but as we now began to 
 take in passengers, our talk ended. I had no want of bitter 
 food for thought during that long, painful journey. At length 
 we reached Fairmount, the town opposite Clydeville, where 
 John took my father's horse and sleigh, which he had left at 
 the hotel, and drove me across the frozen river. He called 
 for Dr. Belden, who got into the sleigh directly, and we soon 
 entered our avenue. The naked arms of the trees were hung 
 with glittering pendants, making a gorgeous pathway. 
 
 " What mockery ! " was on my lips, but I did not say it. 
 The doctor must have surmised that I felt like a stranger, 
 for when we stopped before the door, he led me into a little 
 ante-room, saying^ "Take off your things, and wait here till 
 I return." He soon came back, trying to look cheerful, but 
 with telltale tears in his eyes. I softly followed him up 
 stairs into Ada's room. * 
 
 How her wan face brightened ! I knelt down by the bed, 
 and laying my face to hers, my pent-up sorrow broke forth 
 in a torrent. 
 ^i Don't cry, darling Espy I'm going to mamma." 
 
 " Control yourself for her sake," whispered the doctor. 
 So I put an iron curb upon my sorrow, and wiping away my 
 tears, told the dear child I had come to tak care of her. And 
 as I said this, the memory of her tender nursing, and of my 
 selfishly sending her from my room, smote me to the heart. 
 But I choked down all these recollections, and determined 
 that she should never have another moment's pain on my 
 account.
 
 ESPEBANCB. 93 
 
 The sick room was of course no place for my father, ex 
 cept for an occasional call ; and Ednah, being out of health, 
 left her own room but little. Katy and Joy were kept by 
 their governess in a distant part of the house, so that, under 
 Nancy's superintending care, it was my privilege alone to be 
 with the gentle sufferer by day and night. The record of 
 that sacred, tender season is written on my heart. , I sang 
 her favorite hymns, and read to her from her own Bible. 
 And when she begged me to pray with her, telling her I 
 could do it better out of the Prayer Book, I would kneel 
 down, and holding her little hand J9 mine,^wouh^repeat fer 
 vently those immortal prayers of the church, which for cen 
 turies have comforted and strengthened so many hearts. 
 "We often talked together of God and heaven, or, rather, she 
 talked with me, and I made answers as I best could. 
 
 One day she asked me to read something about heaven. 
 Turning to the seventh chapter of Revelation, I complied. 
 As I finished, she repeated after me, " And God shall wipe 
 away all tears from their eyes," and then lay a long time 
 silent. At last she turned towards me with an expression I 
 shall never forget ; 
 
 " I was thinking of you, darling Espy, and how glad you 
 will be to get to heaven. The dear Lord won't ever let you 
 cry any more." 
 
 How I was able to restrain my feelings I know not, but I 
 did, quietly asking her if she would not pray that I might go 
 there. So she folded her waxen hands, and prayed for her 
 poor, unworthy sister, whose heart fervently joined in those 
 childish petitions. But what had become of my doubts? I 
 know not. In that hallowed sphere they could not stay. 
 The presence of the saintly child was like that of an angel.
 
 94 ESPERANCE. 
 
 After this scene, she failed rapidly. During the evening 
 of that same day, she said to me earnestly, " I want to see 
 them all." The family was summoned, and one by one Ada 
 bade them good by. From this time she took no notice of 
 anything about her. Her large blue eyes were fixed upon 
 the ceiling with an earnest gaze, as if she saw something 
 hidden from our view. 
 
 Suddenly an expression of angelic rapture irradiated her 
 pale face, while her lips parted ; 
 
 " I see her, I see mamma. She stretches out her arms to 
 me. And beautiful children are all around her." 
 
 The child lifted up her hands as if to embrace that 
 mother. The next moment, and without a shudder, her 
 little feet entered the cold river. 
 
 Oh, who can tell 
 
 What words of love were whispered to her heart, 
 Or what pure rays, from out the rainbow throne, 
 Streamed through the wide-flung crystal gates of heaven, 
 Illumining the depths of that dark stream ? 
 Bright shone her " silver thread, " as on she moved, 
 E'en to our tear-dimmed eyes. But soon, alas ! 
 The blazing radiance, blinding mortal sense, 
 Like a bright veil, enwrapped her from our sight. 
 
 From the conservatory I gathered white and fragrant 
 flowers, and strewed them around her, as she lay in her 
 little rose-wood coffin. The sweet hands, that had so short 
 a time before been clasped in prayer for me, I reverently 
 kissed, and then folded them across her silent bosom. I 
 wonder my heart did not break as I did all this, but I went 
 about like one in a dream. Over the whole household 
 brooded the hush of Death, and all were humbled, as well as
 
 .ESPERANCB. 95 
 
 mute in his presence. It was no mock solemnity that sat on 
 my father's face, and the tears which stood unshed in Ednah's 
 eyes, as well as those which rolled down the poor children's 
 cheeks, were genuine tears. And no wonder. The sweet 
 bird, that had enchanted every one by its beauty and its song, 
 had broken from its cage, and soared forever out of our 
 sight. 
 
 The day after the funeral saw me on my melancholy return 
 to Crawford. The parting from my father and Ednah was, 
 perhaps, somewhat less formal than our meeting had been ; 
 for it is impossible, even for the most obdurate, to resist the 
 subduing influence of affliction. Yet I left with an added 
 weight of sorrow on my heart. In losing Ada, I had lost 
 the only one who loved me. She had drifted out into the 
 darkness, and I should never see her more. But was there 
 no unseen land where are gathered the loved and lost? 
 What, then, was it she beheld in those last solemn moments ? 
 This question pressed upon me continually. There could be 
 no superstition about such a child. "Was heaven actually 
 opened to her vision? But if there was a reality in all this, 
 what would become of me ?
 
 96 BSPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 WHEN we were a&out half way between Clydeville and 
 Crawford, we took in a gentleman who at once attracted my 
 attention. He was apparently about fifty, of medium height, 
 stout-built, and with a profusion of short brown hair. His 
 large, honest mouth was compressed, denoting the energetic 
 working of his mind, while his gray eyes told of fire as well 
 as kindness. His abrupt movements bespoke decision, and 
 his quick glances round upon his fellow-travellers were in 
 dicative of a benevolent interest. He immediately commenced 
 a conversation on religions subjects with one of the passen 
 gers, with whom he seemed acquainted. But while talking 
 with him, his eye frequently rested on me, as if noting my 
 mourning attire. At length he requested some one to change 
 seats with him a movement which brought him to my 
 side. Bending towards me, he said in a low voice, 
 
 " So the Lord has been laying his hand upon you, my 
 young friend." 
 
 No reply. 
 
 " Do not be offended at my frankness, Miss. We are all 
 brothers and sisters, and I speak only from my interest. 
 God, it seems, has removed some beloved one from you. 
 Are you submissive ? " 
 
 " No, sir," I answered, shortly. 
 
 " Ah ! I am truly sorry ; " and I saw that he ivas so. 
 " Your peace then is not made with God."
 
 ESPERANCE. 97 
 
 "No, sir." 
 
 "But have you no penitence for your obduracy?" 
 
 " No, sir." 
 
 " God have mercy upon you ! " he exclaimed with fervor. 
 Then after a pause, " Where are you going?" 
 
 " To Crawford." 
 
 " To the Female Seminary?" 
 
 " Yes, sir." 
 
 "Have you heard what a glorious work is going on in 
 that town?" 
 
 " No, sir." 
 
 " The Spirit of the Lord is there, and may your proud 
 will be subdued ! It is a fearful contest in which you are 
 engaged." 
 
 He talked with me very earnestly, setting clearly before 
 me my great wickedness, the righteous claims of a holy 
 God, and the dreadful consequences of my persistency. I 
 was much agitated, but my heart rose fa opposition to the 
 infinite Being whose cause he advocated. When about leav 
 ing the coach after our arrival in Crawford, he warmly 
 grasped my hand. 
 
 " I shall see you again, and in the mean time you will 
 have my prayers." 
 
 We left him and hastened on. Grimly rose the walls 
 of the old building before my eyes. A flood of thoughts 
 rushed over me. Alas ! what should I do with those 
 tender memories of my departed darling, which gushed 
 warm into my heart ? I could not 'have them subjected to 
 the cold scrutiny of my companions ; I would not have them 
 even guessed at from my quivering lip, or my heavy, swollen 
 eyelids. So, with a stern hand, I crowded them down into 
 9
 
 98 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 the burying places of memory, drawing the grave curtains 
 close about them. Then I put on that immobile face to 
 which I was accustomed, and without even dropping my 
 veil, I walked firmly up the broad steps, prepared to encoun 
 ter scores of curious eyes. 
 
 I was mistaken. A great change had passed over the 
 school. A strange hush had fallen upon the stirring, busy 
 air. On every face sat an unwonted solemnity, while many 
 a hand, formerly indifferent, was extended in tender sym 
 pathy and welcome. And my room-mate, the self-possessed 
 Belinda Lawson, was greatly moved in meeting me. 
 
 " I am so glad, dear Hope, that you have come back at 
 this time ! " 
 
 I made no reply to this, or any similar remark, but not a 
 token of the wonderful change escaped me. I could hardly 
 believe that I was really in Crawford Seminary. The or 
 dinary stringent business pressure which so distinguished it, 
 was relaxed, and tfife whole school was broken up into little 
 groups, engaged in earnest talk. 
 
 Meeting Eleanor Cottrell the next day, I inquired what all 
 these changes meant. 
 
 " They mean that we are cast among a set of fools. Such 
 a ridiculous fuss ! It is nothing but meeting, meeting, all the 
 time. Mr. Gilbert has had a wonderful hurricane in his 
 soul, and there is a corresponding increase of violence in his 
 manner. Then a famous gun, Dr. Kendrick, has been here, 
 helping him to get up a gale, and is to return again, when 
 they are to have protracted meetings for the preaching of 
 protracted nonsense, which we shall all be expected, alias, re 
 quired, to take in large doses. It is Zos/i, and of the worst 
 sort. Take care that you escape the contagion."
 
 ESPERANCE. 99 
 
 I was silent, for while conscious of inward opposition, I 
 had no heart, certainly while the loss of Ada was fresh in 
 memory, to make light of sacred things. The next day 
 the meetings commenced. Partly out of curiosity, and partly 
 from some indefinable impulse, I attended the first service. 
 What was my surprise to discover in the pulpit my faithful 
 fellow-passenger ! Turning to Belinda, I whispered, 
 
 "Who is he?" 
 
 " Dr. Kendrick. Hush ! he is speaking." 
 
 A breathless silence reigned over the assembly as he an 
 nounced his text, " The carnal mind is enmity against God." 
 Whoever might have been an indifferent hearer during that 
 powerful discourse, I certainly was not. Indeed, I felt 
 almost assured that the preacher had singled me out, that he 
 might concentrate the whole weight of his terrible charges 
 on my devoted head. Tearing asunder the flimsy veil I had 
 flung over my heart, he pierced the subtlest disguise, ruth 
 lessly scrutinizing every thought and feeling, and analyzing 
 and condemning every motive, till, by a strain of resistless 
 logic, he had proved me the very vilest of God's creatures. As 
 I sat there, trembling under the consciousness of God's 
 wrath, he held me over the pit till the flames of hell seemed 
 devouring me. I wonder that I was able to keep from 
 shrieking aloud in my agony. 
 
 In that hour began a terrible conflict between me, a mis 
 erable worm of the dust, and my offended Maker and Judge. 
 Day after day found me in my seat at church, and I was even 
 persuaded to attend the inquiry meeting ; and still the con 
 flict went on. It was at a time when the churches had but 
 little experience as to the final results of what were called 
 new measures, and extreme devices were resorted to, for
 
 100 ESPERANCE. 
 
 the purpose of arresting the attention and impressing the 
 heart. 
 
 So intent were my companions on my conversion, that on 
 one occasion I was literally dragged to the anxious seat, 
 where I was publicly prayed for, almost by name. 
 
 My mind was in a state of unnatural excitement, and 
 seemed doomed to grapple with every form of difficulty. 
 Many an hour did the zealous Dr. Kendrick spend in labor 
 ing with me. At one time, after a long struggle with the 
 doctrine of election, when he told me that my heart was full 
 of rank rebellion, and that I was drawing down on myself 
 the severest judgments of heaven, I exclaimed in anguish, 
 
 " Submit yourself wholly to God. Be entirely willing 
 that he should do with you exactly what will most promote 
 his own glory, even if that should be your destruction." 
 
 " I cannot, I never can." 
 
 " But Grod, in his sovereign power, can make you willing." 
 
 " Not without crushing my mind and heart, and making 
 me a mere machine." 
 
 He pressed the point till I grew excited, and angrily re 
 plied, 
 
 " And what would be gained by persuading me to be will 
 ing to be lost? Nothing but an indifference to salvation, 
 which would render me insensible to your most powerful 
 pleas." 
 
 "But God ." . 
 
 I was in torture, and quickly interrupted him : " There's 
 no use, Dr. Kendrick, in argiiing the matter. I am not 
 willing to go to hell ; and I should not be, if all the angels 
 in heaven were to get down on their knees, and entreat my
 
 ESPEBANCE. 101 
 
 consent. And if God requires such a willingness, as a con 
 dition of helping me, he is not a God of love, but of malevo 
 lence. You look shocked, but I may as well speak out Avhat 
 I think." And I burst into tears, while, with a deep sigh, he 
 withdrew. 
 
 At my request, Miss Lawson left me alone that night. 
 Through its long hours I walked back and forth, hopelessly 
 battling with the mysteries which hemmed me in on every 
 hand. Struggling in the strong coils of the Necessitarian 
 scheme, I reasoned with myself: If God has so made us 
 that we are compelled to choose according to the strongest 
 motive, since he himself has ordered all the circumstances 
 which precede and induce every action, I could not have 
 chosen otherwise than as I have, and as it was from all eter 
 nity ordained that I should choose. And this being so, how 
 can I be chargeable with guilt? In this reasoning I forti 
 fied myself by recalling remarks I had read on the same 
 subject in the notes to Shelley's " Queen Mab," arguing 
 that God is the author of evil as well as of good. But here 
 my awakened conscience protested, sharply accusing me of 
 innumerable and aggravated sins. 
 
 At this point I was plunged into the most painful and pro 
 found of all mysteries the origin of evil. In answer to a 
 question on this subject, Dr. Kendrick had told me that God 
 ordained the existence of sin, because he foresaw that it 
 would conduce to the greatest good of the universe. But if 
 sin, I reasoned, is promotive of the highest good, then its 
 commission is not only justifiable, but desirable, and sinners 
 do more to further the interests of God's kingdom, than do 
 the angels in heaven. In this view it is not strange that 
 Dr. Kendrick should urge upon me a willingness to be lost. 
 9*
 
 102 ESPEEANCE. 
 
 If, however, my sins have been more instrumental in mani 
 festing God's glory than my holiness could have been, I 
 surely am undeserving of eternal punishment. I have a 
 right to rebel at God's commands. I cannot love him, and, 
 not loving, I will not submit to him. Let him destroy me, 
 then, if he chooses ! . 
 
 Terrified by my own blasphemy, and almost expecting an 
 immediate answer to my dreadful imprecation, I threw my 
 self on the floor and groaned aloud. As soon as it was day, 
 I went over to Mr. Gilbert's, and asked for Dr. Kendrick. 
 He had not risen, but, being told that I had called, sent word 
 that he would come down directly. When he entered the 
 room, I rose, but was scarcely able to stand. 
 
 " Sit down, poor child, sit down," said he, placing me in 
 a chair, and taking a seat beside me. " You look sick. I 
 fear you did not sleep last night." 
 
 " I can neither sleep nor eat," I impetuously exclaimed. 
 " And I may as well speak out I hate God." 
 
 " Ah, poor child, I know you do. ' The carnal mind is 
 enmity against God.' But sovereign grace can change that 
 heart." 
 
 " It will do nothing for me. I am given over to a repro 
 bate mind. These dreadful struggles are worse than death, 
 and I gain nothing by them. What is the use of striving 
 longer ? My doom is sealed." And overcome by exhaus 
 tion, I wept passionate tears. 
 
 " I believe God has designs of mercy towards you, Miss 
 Frazer. He has put it into the hearts of many to plead for 
 you. There are two little meetings for prayer every day on 
 your account." 
 
 This information greatly affected me ; and when the good
 
 ESPERANCE. 103 
 
 Doctor said, " Let us pray," I readily knelt by his side. 
 What earnest petitions were those ! Spreading out my re 
 bellion before the Lord, he cried out, " ' Shall the thing 
 formed say to Him that formed it, Why hast thou made me 
 thus ? Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same 
 lump to make one vessel unto honor, and another unto dis 
 honor?' But is this maiden, then, as she affirmeth, a vessel 
 of wrath fitted to destruction ? Hast thou not purposes of 
 infinite mercy, even towards her, O our Father ? " 
 
 In the most fervent tones, he pleaded that I might, then 
 and there, cease from the unequal contest, and submit my 
 self, without reserve, to Him who loved me and died to 
 redeem me. As he prayed, my obdurate heart was softened. 
 I began to feel that, in spite of all my reasoning, God was 
 infinitely holy and just in all his requirements, and that I 
 stood before him without a single excuse for my innumerable 
 transgressions. Acknowledging his perfect right to uncon 
 ditional submission, I resolved that I would no longer resist 
 his will, and that, henceforth, whether happy or miserable, 
 I would live to his glory. 
 
 When we rose from our knees, the eyes Dr. Kendrick 
 turned on me were moistened with tears. 
 
 " Ah, my dear child," he said, laying his hand upon my 
 head, " I see it in your countenance ; you have submitted." 
 
 When I replied, " I hope I have, sir," his face beamed 
 with joy. I listened reverently to his words of counsel, and 
 then left the house. As I walked back, it seemed to me that 
 the morning sunlight wore an air of peculiar solemnity. My 
 emotions were profound, though not joyful. Yet I was 
 conscious of great relief, for I had ceased striving with my 
 Maker. Reentering my room, I wrote down my determina-
 
 104 ESPERANCE. 
 
 tion to lead a new life, and in the strength of this purpose, 
 experienced a satisfaction I had never known before. This 
 must have been expressed in my face, for many were the 
 congratulations I received. Eleanor Cottrell, however, passed 
 me in silence, eying me with a half-curious, half-disdainful 
 glance. But this gave me no disturbance. I had made a 
 resolve, to fulfil which, would tax every energy of my being, 
 and I had no time for sensitiveness to the comments of 
 others. Duty, henceforth, was to be my mainspring the 
 alpha and omega of my life. And the more disagreeable 
 and the harder I found it, the better, I thought, for self- 
 mortification. 
 
 The first thing I undertook was a plain talk with Eleanor. 
 She indignantly refused to hear me, exclaiming, 
 
 " I did hope better things of you, Hope Frazer ; but you 
 have proved yourself a sham. From this time, I forswear 
 your friendship. If you recant, well and good ; but till 
 then, farewell ; for come what may, I won't have you whin 
 ing and crying over me." 
 
 The time had now come for my faithful friend, Dr. Ken- 
 drick, to leave town. Previously to this, however, he had a 
 long, parting conversation with me. 
 
 " I am sorry, Miss Frazer, that you derive no more satis 
 faction from your religious duties. But your case is not an 
 uncommon one. We must do right, and leave the rest to 
 God." 
 
 " But I sometimes find my devotions exceedingly burden 
 some." 
 
 " I know all about it. But never allow yourself, on this 
 account, to relax in them. Ask God's forgiveness for your 
 remissness and indifference ; and, at all events, persevere in
 
 E8PERANCB. 105 
 
 every duty, waiting the Lord's time for his promised bless 
 ing." Then grasping my hand, he added, " We may never 
 meet again in this life, but I shall expect to find you on 
 Mount Zion. Farewell, my dear young friend, and may 
 God bless you." 
 
 As I watched his retreating figure, I fancied that I felt 
 something as Elisha did, when he saw Elijah borne up by a 
 whirlwind into heaven. And I could not restrain the fer 
 vent exclamation, " My father, my father ! " 
 
 The old business aspect of the school had now been re 
 sumed, yet a striking change continued to be observable. 
 Nor did the manifest influence of the revival cease, while I 
 continued a member of the Seminary. 
 
 As the days and weeks glided away, I met with many 
 discouragements, and found frequent occasion to lash myself 
 for neglected duties, and for wrong feelings and actions. It 
 seemed to me that I wrote out full lists of specific resolutions, 
 only to break them. But, disheartened as I often was, the 
 purpose I had formed, in that solemn interview with Dr. 
 Kendrick, remained good. In looking forward to the long 
 summer vacation which I was to spend under my father's 
 roof, I determined strenuously to discharge all my obliga 
 tions, and, at whatever cost, to make my temporary residence 
 at home useful to every member of the family.' How en 
 tirely did I blind myself to the secret self-complacency by 
 which I was unconsciously influenced !
 
 106 ESPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 As I entered the familiar hall door, saddening memories 
 of my lost Ada were mingled with the satisfaction I felt in the 
 course of conduct on which I had determined. To my sur 
 prise, for home tidings had rarely been communicated, I 
 found a new and vastly important addition to our family cir 
 cle. It was a little pet, by the name of Ednah, an infant of 
 rare beauty, the miniature of her mother. Never had I seen 
 my father display such doting fondness as that which he now 
 exhibited towards both mother and child. His worship of 
 Ednah was marvellously increased by the new link formed 
 between them. 
 
 As to Ednah herself, she wielded her despotic sceptre with 
 even more apparent recklessness than formerly, as if con 
 scious that she held it with a firmer grasp. From the little 
 I saw of them, I felt assured that she was as far from recip 
 rocating his affection as ever. But the fair child ! there 
 could be no doubt it was the very apple of her eye. And 
 as she and my father were so fully and consciously in har 
 mony on this point, there was a semblance of greater union 
 than formerly. 
 
 Little was the notice that I received from them, or from any 
 member of the household, except Nancy. Yet I firmly adhered 
 to my purpose, and under a sense of my responsibilities, I 
 looked about to see what family reforms I should undertake.
 
 ESPERANCE. 107 
 
 Ednah always had an eye to the tout ensemble; but, be 
 yond that, she gave herself little concern about housekeep 
 ing. Consequently, there was great waste in the whole 
 domestic department. Here, then, was the Rubicon which I 
 must not hesitate to cross. Vigorously bent upon a revolu 
 tion, I sallied into the kitchen, and dealt about my rebukes 
 for extravagance and mismanagement. This I continued for 
 a few days, receiving, as the reward of my well doing, im 
 pertinence without stint. Finding that I effected nothing by 
 my zealous interference, and knowing that complaint was 
 useless, I felt myself at length compelled to relinquish my 
 efforts in this department. 
 
 After much consideration, I concluded that my next inva 
 sion must be of the nursery. Raty was a rude, blustering 
 boy, of ordinary appearance, and altogether behindhand in 
 his studies. Neither head nor heart had been properly cul 
 tivated, and, greatly to the annoyance of my father, he was 
 addicted to low company. Joy was very pretty, but entirely 
 untrained. Miss Jenkins, their governess, was a well-mean 
 ing, but inefficient body, entirely wanting in discrimination 
 and energy, and with but little faculty of interesting children. 
 But she suited Ednah, and so she remained. Perhaps she 
 suited her better for her want of acuteness. 
 
 To Miss Jenkins I went, complaining of the children's 
 rudeness and ignorance, and begging she would require more 
 of them in their studies. She took my interference in good 
 part, but said she had tried her best, and wished I would 
 make some effort with them, if I felt so disposed. Encour 
 aged by her reception, I gladly assented, and told her that 
 I would assume her office for one day, as an experiment. 
 
 Without having entered into the children's amusements, or
 
 108 BSPEBANCE. 
 
 * 
 taken any pains to remove their long indifference, if not dislike 
 
 to me, I went into the school-room. With great plainness 
 of speech, I remonstrated with them on their short-comings, 
 telling them that, as I had determined to take them in hand, 
 I should expect very different conduct. Raty indignantly 
 rebelled, saying he wouldn't recite to me ; that I was a 
 great, old, homely girl, and had no right to order him ; 
 while Joy opened her eyes in astonishment, but prudently 
 waited to see what was coming next. 
 
 Convinced that I was in the path of duty, and, though a 
 New Yorker, having some Yankee grit about me, I looked 
 Raty full in the face, and told him if he did not get his 
 lesson quickly, I should shut him up in the closet. Some 
 what abashed, and presuming, doubtless, from my assured 
 manner, that the authority I so valiantly displayed had been 
 properly delegated, he took up his book, and with a cloud on 
 his face, sat down to his task. Joy also obeyed, and I began 
 to congratulate myself on my triumphs. 
 
 In a short time, however, symptoms of insurrection ap 
 peared. Raty began to hunt flies, and deposit them in a 
 paper fly-box, while Joy laid her face on the seat, and lazily 
 watched him. I admonished, but in vain. So, not daring to 
 annul the threatened penalty, I left my throne, and, taking 
 hold of Raty, attempted to enforce it. But not quite suc 
 cessfully, as it proved. Though my brother's charge of my 
 being " great " was entirely unfounded, yet I was not wanting 
 in physical power. But till I coped with it, I had no suspi 
 cion of the strength of an untamed boy. 
 
 I had by this time disproved another of his charges, for I 
 found I was not so " old" as he or I had fancied. Indeed, I 
 might with good reason have sympathized in David Copper-
 
 ESPERANC 
 
 E. 109 
 
 field's disagreeable sensation of extreme youth, in the pres 
 ence of the knowing waiter. 
 
 In the mean time our contest increased in vigor, until Raty, 
 finding I would not relinquish my hold, doubled his fist, and 
 dealt strokes to the right and left, at the same time setting up 
 the most doleful shrieks, in which Joy accompanied him. 
 The loud noise, bringing not only Miss Jenkins, but some of 
 the servants, to the rescue, I was forced to surrender. 
 
 " I dunno what's got into Miss Hope," said the cook, with 
 a very red face. " It's my 'pinion she oughter be put into a 
 strait jacket." 
 
 The indignant victor continued to scream at the top of his 
 voice, while Miss Jenkins stood by with a woe-begone coun 
 tenance, striving to pacify him. Leaving the scene of my 
 inglorious defeat, I retreated to my room, where I gave 
 free vent to my disappointment and vexation. With other 
 zealous reformers, in the heat of failure, I pronounced this a 
 most ungrateful world, on which it was worse than useless to 
 expend one's benevolent efforts. 
 
 The days of my self-inflicted martyrdom were now ac 
 complished, for that same evening the following note was 
 put into my hands : 
 
 " For some days I have known of your offensive conduct, 
 and have kept silence. But your unsisterly treament of 
 Horatio renders it necessary for me to interpose. During 
 the remainder of your stay, I forbid the smallest interference 
 on your part with the children, or the servants. At the first 
 violation, you will leave the house. 
 
 " HORATIO FRAZER." 
 10
 
 110 ESPERANCE. 
 
 Thus summarily ended my virtuous schemes of reform. 
 Disgusted and indignant, I was almost ready to resolve that 
 I would never make another effort to do good. But, while 
 out of humor with the world at large, and with my father's 
 family in particular, I could not escape some latent con 
 sciousness of my own stupidity, and was unable entirely to 
 silence a mocking whisper in my ears, " You have got just 
 what you deserved." 
 
 Adelaide Campbell was out of town, and I kept carefully 
 away from Dr. Belden, to avoid his catechising. The only 
 company I sought was that of the quiet dead. It is true 
 that deep shadows still hung about the grave ; yet, when 
 lingering near the dust of my mother and sweet Ada, blessed 
 memories fell like balm on my perturbed spirit. It seemed 
 as if it would be very pleasant to lie beside them, and to 
 have the soft sunshine sleep on my resting-place, and the 
 green grass wave above my head. 
 
 At the commencement of the next term, I returned to 
 Crawford, carrying with me no small amount of well-merited 
 chagrin, which, though lost upon me for the time, was not, I 
 trust, wholly without benefit in the end. During this the 
 last year of my school-course I devoted myself more assidu 
 ously than ever to my studies, and earnestly endeavored, 
 though still in a legal way, to perform all my religious 
 duties. 
 
 The only event of any importance which occurred was 
 the elopement of Eleanor Cottrell with Orlando Granger. 
 They went to the South, and as man and wife, sought her 
 guardian's forgiveness. It was rumored that they were re 
 pulsed, and forbidden his presence, but I heard no further
 
 ESPERANCE. Ill 
 
 particulars. Poor misguided Eleanor ! She possessed some 
 fine traits ; but, destitute of principle, and even of womanly 
 propriety, it could only be expected that she should become 
 a wreck. 
 
 The closing day of my academical career arrived, bringing 
 with it, besides my diploma, sufficiently high testimonials to 
 my attainments. But my health had suffered from pro 
 tracted application and the neglect of exercise, and my 
 spirits were depressed from constant failures in duty. It 
 was therefore in no promising mood that I bade farewell to 
 Crawford, and went forth alone to seek my fortune in a 
 world whose chill had already reached my heart.
 
 112 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 Miss CAREY had procured me a situation as assistant in 
 an academy at Muscoda, a town in Vermont, lying east of 
 the Green Mountains. Passing Clydeville without even a 
 call, I proceeded on my solitary journey, taking the canal 
 from Albany to Whitehall, and completing the distance by 
 the stage-coach. 
 
 In my desolate mood, I hardly troubled myself to look at 
 the beautiful country through which I was passing, but sat 
 absorbed in the past, and wondering whether, with all the 
 knowledge I might have acquired, I was really any better 
 prepared for life, than when I was first sent out from under 
 my father's roof. But the Green Mountains, suddenly rising 
 in their glorious beauty, aroused me from my reverie. They 
 recalled the friends of my childhood my beloved Catskills 
 the only friends I could still claim. 
 
 As I first caught sight of these mountains, stretching 
 along the horizon in wavy outline, and seeming almost to 
 float in the purple haze that hung over them, they looked 
 fair as the hills of Beulah. It was a toilsome ascent up 
 their steep sides ; but I was never weary of gazing at the 
 magnificent trees which crowned their slopes, or of watching 
 the silvery-footed streamlets, as they tripped down the pre 
 cipitous pathway, singing their own mountain songs. 
 
 When we had gained the summit, and were descending
 
 ESPBBANCE. 113 
 
 on the other side, a bend in the road suddenly brought ns 
 face to face with a splendid panorama. As far as the eye 
 could reach, the fields and meadows were covered with an 
 emerald carpet, over which were scattered lovely villages, 
 while here and there glittering sheets of water lay dimpling 
 in the sunlight. 
 
 "Can you tell me in what direction Muscoda lies?" I 
 ventured to ask. 
 
 " That is it, Miss, lying right down there," and he pointed 
 to the fair village which nestled at the mountain's side. 
 
 We had crossed the mountains in a strong, open wagon or 
 cart ; and in this, it seems, I was destined to make my debut. 
 How vividly I recall my emotions as the driver urged his tired 
 beasts towards something akin to a gallop, while we rattled 
 through the main street ! And with what eager curiosity 
 did I look for the first glimpse of my sojourning-place ! 
 Throwing out his mail-bag at the small store, likewise 
 labelled " POST OFFICE," while I silently wondered whether 
 any letters directed to Miss Hope Frazer would ever be car 
 ried in that same leathern, padlocked bag, our accomplished 
 Jehu called next at the tavern, where all the passengers, 
 except myself, alighted. 
 
 " Where do you go, Miss ? " 
 
 " To the Academy." 
 
 At a renewed flourish of his whip, our steeds once more 
 lifted their weary legs, and speedily brought me in front of a 
 long, three-storied, yellow, wooden tenement. Most uncom 
 fortably contemptible and forlorn did I feel, as he stopped 
 at the broad flight of steps, and assisted me to descend from 
 the wagon. Innumerable eyes were gazing down upon me 
 from multitudinous windows ; so I instinctively let fall my 
 10* 

 
 114 ESPERANCE. 
 
 veil, and, climbing the steps, waited for the driver to lift the 
 huge knocker. Its loud echo, which strangely startled me, 
 brought an untidy Irish girl to the door, a tall man appear 
 ing behind her. 
 
 "Here she, is, I suppose," said the driver, pointing to a 
 card which labelled the trunk. " That's the same name, I 
 take it, you had in your advertisement." 
 
 And he was away. 
 
 I was well aware that the tall, black-eyed man was sur 
 veying me from bead to foot ; and I felt the consciousness, 
 running like cold water all over me, that he considered him 
 self cheated fairly humbugged in the article he had be 
 spoken. With this consoling reflection, I was ushered into 
 the parlor. 
 
 " Miss Frazer, Mrs. Jones ; " and his wife advanced to 
 shake hands with me. 
 
 "With a woman's tact she divined my feelings, and saying 
 she was sure I must be tired, she guided me to my cham 
 ber a pleasant, though not spacious room in the third 
 story. 
 
 " If you prefer to have your tea sent you to-night, I will 
 excuse you to Mr. Jones." 
 
 I gladly assented, and in a moment found myself alone, 
 when I sat down on a hard chair, and laying my head on a 
 red pine table, took the liberty to indulge in a good cry. But 
 fearing lest I should become wholly unfitted for the ordeal 
 before me, I at length bathed my face, and took a survey of 
 my quarters. The appointments seemed rather small for the 
 principal female assistant, but I determined to make the best 
 of them, and having learned some useful lessons from Be 
 linda Lawson, I set about unpacking my trunk.
 
 ESPERANCE. 115 
 
 x^ 
 
 When the large bell rang out loud and shrill, succeeded 
 by the quick tramp of feet, I congratulated myself that, at 
 least for this time, I was reprieved. Not long after, a 
 servant appeared with a tea-tray. 
 
 " Mrs. Jones says she hopes you'll feel better in the morn 
 ing;" which kind message was a drop of comfort to my 
 lonely heart. 
 
 Night soon wrapped the large household in slumbers, 
 though one pair of eyes was hardly closed through those 
 tedious hours. Morning came. I followed the multitude 
 to the dining-hall. There stood the principal, solemnly 
 awaiting my appearance. 
 
 " Miss Frazer, you will take the head of the fourth ta 
 ble ; " and he pointed to my place. 
 
 Wishing myself out of the room, under the table, any 
 where most remote, I dragged my unwilling frame to the 
 designated spot, and slood, while, in a stentorian voice, grace 
 was said. I then slunk into my chair, with the miserable 
 consciousness that I was proving myself an outright coward. 
 
 Breakfast over, I heard that same sonorous voice, " Miss 
 Frazer will please walk into my study and receive her in 
 structions." 
 
 Where the dreaded study was located, I had no idea ; but 
 I inquired, and softly tapped at the door. Immediately Mrs. 
 Jones came from an adjoining room, and taking me by the 
 hand, 
 
 " I hope you find yourself rested this morning," and ac 
 companied me into the study. 
 
 The two eyes looked down upon me, and into me, till I felt 
 myself growing still smaller and more insignificant in their 
 piercing light.
 
 116 ESPERANCE. 
 
 " Mrs. Jones, I desire to see Miss Frazer alone ; " and 
 the meek spouse retired from the presence of her lord. 
 
 "I wish you to make yourself familiar with this pro 
 gramme." t- 
 
 While saying this, he handed me a paper on which my 
 assigned duties were spread out at length in a large hand. 
 As I glanced over them, it seemed to me that almost every 
 hour of the day was occupied ; but I made no comment. 
 
 " You are requested to be extremely particular with the 
 French and music classes, as thoroughness in those depart 
 ments is of the utmost importance in sustaining the high 
 reputation of Symmington Academy. You are smaller than 
 I expected," added he, with a reproving glance. Pausing a 
 minute, he added, " And it is rather unfortunate ; still, we 
 will hope for the best. In half an hour a bell will ring. 
 Let me find you here, ready to accompany me to the music- 
 room." 
 
 At the appointed time I was introduced into the Euterpean 
 department. In front of the piano were ranged twenty-two 
 girls, who were, every week, to receive two lessons of an 
 hour. In addition, two French classes were to have a daily 
 lesson. To these engagements, Mr. Jones graciously super- 
 added the correction of sixty weekly compositions, instruction 
 in calisthenics, and various miscellaneous exercises. Though 
 bewildered by this long array, I screwed up my courage, and 
 entered upon my task. 
 
 I might, perhaps, have had tolerable success, had not Mr. 
 Jones considered it one of his prerogatives to appear before 
 me suddenly I was about to say, sneakingly at any mo 
 ment. It was hard enough, under ordinary circumstances, 
 for a diffident, inexperienced teacher to establish her author-
 
 ESPERANCE. 117 
 
 ity ; but these frequent apparitions well nigh paralyzed me ; 
 and it took all the intervals between his exits and entrances 
 to recover myself. Sensible that this first day was nearly a 
 failure, at half past seven, I reluctantly made my appearance 
 in the study, as requested. " Those devouring eyes ! " 
 thought I ; " they will certainly swallow me, some day." 
 
 " You need energy, Miss Frazer, or you will be overrun 
 by your classes. But let to-day pass. You will have an 
 opportunity to retrieve your character. In regard to all our 
 arrangements, I wish to have everything understood in the 
 beginning. How old are you ? " 
 
 My face indignantly flushed, as I replied, 
 
 " I shall be eighteen next month, sir." 
 
 " Worse than I supposed. I was about to say that, al 
 though you are small and inexperienced (I must now add, 
 and young, likewise), I wish to deal generously by you. I 
 shall therefore allow you your board, and washing, and 
 lights, with the use of the fire in the study-hall. In addition 
 to this, if you prove yourself a faithful and efficient teacher, 
 I shall present you, at the end of the year, with the sum of 
 fifty dollars." 
 
 Although this salary, so patronizingly offered, struck me 
 as exceedingly small, yet I was too little acquainted with 
 such matters to realize the amount of overreaching involved 
 in his bargain. But I had perception enough to dislike the 
 man more and more, so much so, that I shrank even from 
 asking the small favor I had in mind. I mastered this feel 
 ing, however, and ventured to request that no one should 
 visit my classes till I became a little familiar with my duties. 
 
 "A singular request, Miss Frazer !" and those hawk's 
 eyes were fastened on me with an expression of astonish-
 
 118 ESPE RANGE. 
 
 ment. " When I inform you that Symmingtou Academy is 
 my child, that I devote my whole energies to its welfare, 
 and hourly visit every part of this large establishment, you 
 will see that you. have made a great mistake a great mis 
 take, Miss Frazer." 
 
 With elevated head I bowed and withdrew. Fortunately, 
 vexation gave me the courage I needed, and constantly 
 goaded by renewals of this stimulus, I succeeded beyond my 
 expectations succeeded, I mean, in controlling my pupils. 
 I was too reserved to gain their affections. 
 
 Mrs. Jones did all she dared to make my situation tolera 
 ble. Her lord and master considered her a part of his grand 
 institution, and did not omit her in his hourly inspection of 
 proceedings. But whenever and wherever she could, she 
 dropped a kind and sympathetic word. Poor soul ! she had 
 sold her birthright ; for what, I never was able to discover. 
 But like many another, she stilled the cravings of her heart, 
 and meekly endured her destiny. 
 
 " Dr. Preston has been in to see you," said she, one day, 
 with a flurried manner. " He is an excellent, fatherly man, 
 and I want you to call there." 
 
 As was usually the case, when she undertook to commu 
 nicate with me, his majesty just then emerged from some 
 recess. 
 
 " I was speaking to Miss Frazer of Dr. Preston's call," 
 said she, with a deprecating air. 
 
 With a frown directed to her, 
 
 " You have no time to make calls, Miss Frazer, and 
 you had better not think of it." 
 
 I was but little inclined to seek new acquaintances, and 
 probably should not have thought of calling, except for a
 
 ESPERANCE. 119 
 
 spice of contrariness in my nature. Mr. Jones's opposition 
 was sufficient to determine me ; and after tea, one pleasant 
 evening, I set out for the minister's abode. I had heard 
 much of Dr. Preston, but he had been out of town ; and 
 the previous Sabbath the first after his return I had not 
 attended church, consequently I had never met him. 
 
 An air of repose pervaded the ancient parsonage, and as I 
 lifted the shining knocker, I inwardly said, " Here, at least, 
 is peace." A neatly-dressed, middle-aged woman appeared, 
 and took me into the cosy parlor, where sat Mrs. Preston, 
 busy at her knitting. She had one of those faces that you 
 invariably trust, and it gave me a feeling of satisfaction to 
 receive her greeting. 
 
 "Has Mr. Preston returned ?" she inquired of the wo-* 
 man. 
 
 " He is just coming in." 
 
 At that moment the door opened, and the good Doctor 
 made his appearance. At a glance I took in his singular 
 personnel ; a large head, short, thick neck, a body of un 
 usual corpulence, and small legs and feet, set off by tightly- 
 fitting small-clothes, which increased the peculiarities of his 
 physique. 
 
 " Miss Frazer has called, Mr. Preston." 
 
 He advanced quickly, with short, mincing steps, stopping 
 suddenly in front of me. 
 
 "Ah! Miss Frazer, is it?" And giving me a rapid 
 shake of the hand, he continued, "How d'do, child? Glad 
 to see you. Sit down, sit down." 
 
 " You are tired, Mr. Preston," said his wife, drawing out 
 his large arm-chair. 
 
 " Rather so. Been taking a long walk."
 
 120 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 And he puffed away as if still quite out of breath, fre 
 quently wiping the drops from his broad face. Suddenly 
 turning to me, 
 
 " Well, child, do you keep up? " 
 
 "Not very well, sir," I replied, glad of a chance to express 
 my mind. 
 
 " Ah ! Sorry to hear it. Get along with Mr. Jones tol 
 erably, I hope." 
 
 " Not at all, sir." 
 
 " Sorry. Must make the best of it. All come right in 
 the end. Meantime, good to bear the yoke." 
 
 " I hope so, sir." Then, with one of those sudden im 
 pulses to frankness which sometimes come over reserved 
 natures, I added, " But I fear I shall prove refractory before 
 the year is out." 
 
 "How is that?" asked he, hitching nearer, and with an 
 expression of increased interest. " Made a hard bargain 
 with you ? " 
 
 " I don't know, sir ; but there are no possible points of 
 harmony between us ; consequently, it is all friction." 
 
 "Very sorry. Afraid it can't be mended." 
 
 " He has the reputation of being pretty sharp," said Mrs. 
 Preston. " If you have no objection to confide in us, we 
 should like to know what contract he has made with 
 you." 
 
 I simply related what had passed between us the evening 
 after my arrival. 
 
 " Hard man ! " exclaimed the doctor, energetically stamp 
 ing his foot. " Mrs. Preston, have we a catalogue ? " 
 
 " I believe there's one in the cupboard," said she, getting 
 up to look for it.
 
 ESPERANCE. 121 
 
 She soon brought it to the Doctor, who carefully adjusted 
 his spectacles, and then turned over the leaves till he came 
 to the expenses of the school. Fumbling laboriously in his 
 pocket, he at last brought out a lead pencil and a letter, 
 from which he tore an unwritten corner. 
 
 " French, six dollars per term. Pupils? " 
 
 " Thirty, sir." 
 
 " Thirty multiplied by six one hundred and eighty." 
 
 " Shall I help you, Dr. Preston?" I asked, observing that 
 it was as much as he could do to manage the catalogue, 
 paper, and pencil. 
 
 " No, no. Can't trust you. Fear you don't know when 
 you're cheated. Music, twelve dollars per term. Number ? " 
 
 " Twenty-two, sir." 
 
 " Twenty-two multiplied by twelve two hundred and 
 sixty-four ; added to one hundred and eighty four hundred 
 and forty-four. Three terms per year. Four hundred forty- 
 four multiplied by three, comes to thirteen hundred thirty- 
 two. Thirteen hundred and thirty-two dollars per year for 
 music and French, understand. Anything more?" 
 
 "Teach calisthenics, correct compositions, &c.," said I, 
 falling into his laconic style. . 
 
 " Boards you and finds you one among a multitude a 
 trifling matter, and fifty dollars in cash." A peculiar smile 
 stole over his face, succeeded by a cloud. " A hard case, 
 child ! If you need sharp corners, good for you. Danger 
 of souring you, though. Don't let it, I say, don't let it" 
 putting down his foot emphatically, probably observing my 
 eye kindle at the thought of being thus egregiously duped. 
 " We'll make a fuss about it, if you say so." 
 
 " No, sir ! I will stay my year out if I can" 
 11
 
 122 ESPERANCE. 
 
 " Come often, child. Keep up good heart. All for the 
 best." 
 
 As it was still early, I bent my steps towards Mount Tryon, 
 which I had been longing to . do ever since I came. Slowly 
 I climbed its fair slope, till, finding an attractive resting- 
 place, I threw myself on the grass, and leaning against a 
 straight old pine, gazed in admiration at the prospect spread 
 out before me. Above, fairy clouds were chasing each other 
 over the broad blue plains of heaven, reduplicating them 
 selves in their own soft shadows, which played a similar 
 charming game on Mount Tryon's verdant sides. Below, lay 
 silver sheets of water, broad green meadows with grazing 
 cattle studding their smooth surface, dark expanses of forest, 
 gentle slopes, and beautiful valleys with white villages nest 
 ling in their hearts. And the floods of rich sunshine glori 
 fied the scene to an almost perfect beauty. 
 
 "How charming would it be," were my musings, "to 
 dwell on this mountain height, and never descend to the sor 
 did world below ! " And fancy, guided by legends of the old 
 Mystics and Eremites, pictured a still, contemplative life, 
 softened and elevated by the beauties of nature and thoughts 
 of God, and unjarred by the turmoil of this bustling world. 
 " But that would not be my happiness," was my second 
 thought. " I should die with only my own thoughts to feed 
 upon. I must have action, and the stir of excitement, or 
 lose my reason." 
 
 The fading light woke me from my reveries, and warned 
 me homeward, no ! not homeward, but prisonward. 
 " Always ' sharp corners' for me," I exclaimed with bitter 
 ness, as I bent my steps towards the ungainly building. 
 " But there is no use in flinching ; so let me learn to ' brass it 
 out,' as Dr. Preston says."
 
 ESPERANCE. 123 
 
 As I entered the hall door, my ubiquitous overseer encoun 
 tered me. 
 
 " This way a moment, Miss Frazer ; " and the odious study 
 was entered. " The reputation of Symmington Academy " 
 were the first words I caught. What he previously said, I 
 had not heeded. I looked up interrogatively. 
 
 " You understand me, Miss Frazer. I must absolutely 
 protest against your walking out alone at improper hours. 
 Indeed, it is expected that your whole time will be devoted 
 to your academical duties." 
 
 " I shall take the liberty to walk when and where I please, 
 Mr. Jones ; and if my ways displease you, you may seek 
 another teacher. But as to any further imposition on your 
 part, I will not bear it." 
 
 Alas for my tongue ! Could it never learn moderation ? 
 Must I always vacillate between cowardly shrinking and 
 downright resistance ? But this time my temper did me a 
 good turn. Mr. Jones instantly drew in his horns. 
 
 " I ought not to doubt, my dear Miss Frazer, that you will 
 be very tender of the reputation of Symmington Academy, 
 and that you will take every precaution that no indiscretion 
 on your part shall occur to reflect upon it. My zeal was 
 well meant, but, I dare say, unnecessary in your case. At 
 any rate, ' Sat verbum.' I presume you are enough of a 
 classical scholar to recall the proverb." 
 
 With a smile at his own attempt to be funny, and a stiff 
 bow, which he intended for a gracious one, he opened the 
 door for my exit.
 
 124 ESPEKANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 IT was long. a problem with me how a man of Mr. Jones's 
 small calibre and peculiar characteristics could be tolerated 
 at the head of so large an establishment. Arriving at no 
 satisfactory solution, I one day ventured to propound the 
 question to my kind friend, the simple-hearted, but shrewd, 
 Dr. Preston. 
 
 "Great executive force. Knows what he's about. Se 
 cured first-rate teachers at the smallest possible prices for 
 instance, my young friend here. Astounding quantity of 
 brass. The man to make anything go, if he has determined 
 it. Excellent wife. Sorry for her. Worse case than 
 yours, child. What would you do?" 
 
 " Fight till I obtained my rights, or run away in despair." 
 
 " Better not. Unsuitable for a woman. Neither amiable 
 nor right. Far better love and obey him, child." 
 
 I shook my head. 
 
 " The only way. Hard contest. He has an iron will." 
 
 " So have I. I never could love such a man, and obey 
 him, I never would" 
 
 " Poor child. Battles before you. Cultivate meekness. 
 Best treasure for a woman. The only way ; but you 
 don't believe it." And the good man looked at me over his 
 glasses with a compassionate gaze. 
 
 It was Mr. Jones's, policy, so far as possible, to prevent
 
 ESPERANCE. 125 
 
 mutual acquaintance among his teachers. He had his own 
 motives for this, upon which I do not presume to speculate. 
 For myself, shrinking as I did from riew faces, I had no ob 
 jection. Nor did I seek, much intercourse with my pupils, 
 many of whom were considerably older than I. With my 
 recluse habits, it was cause for self-gratulation that the 
 people of the village were not in the habit of calling upon 
 the teachers. Doubtless, our dignified preceptor was in 
 some way at the bottom of this non-intercourse regime. 
 But whatever was the occasion, it so turned out that I num 
 bered as friends only Dr. and Mrs. Preston, and my well- 
 loved Mount Tryon, unless, indeed, I include Mrs. Jones, of 
 whom it was taken good care I should see but little. 
 
 After the multiplied duties of the day, I often found 
 myself utterly exhausted. 
 
 " Your spirit is stronger than your body, dear Miss 
 Frazer," said Mrs. Jones, as she bathed my aching head. 
 
 It was on a Saturday evening, when weariness and head 
 ache had driven me to my pillow. 
 
 " My body is pretty tough," I answered, " but I am not 
 well to-night." 
 
 " You will have a day of rest to-norrow." 
 
 " Yes, I suppose so," said I, sighing drearily. 
 
 " I fear you have undertaken too much." 
 
 " I hope to spur myself through the year, especially as 
 we are soon to have a fortnight's vacation. But you look 
 more worn than I." 
 
 " I think I am as well as usual." 
 
 Tap ! tap ! tap ! 
 
 Mrs. Jones opened the door. 
 
 " Mr. Jones wants to see you, ma'am." 
 11*
 
 126 ESPERANCE. 
 
 " Yes, Bridget, I will go down." 
 
 And .the dutiful wife hastily kissed my forehead and with 
 drew. Poor woman ! My own lot seemed enviable in com 
 parison with hers. 
 
 I had now been in Muscoda eight months, and my nerves 
 were unstrung by constant effort, with little exercise. I had 
 written to Miss Carey, who had treated me with kind consid 
 eration, that I should leave at the end of the year. Asking 
 her recommendation to some other place, I told her I should 
 like a situation at the West. The necessity for some change 
 became more and more manifest ; but I made out to drag 
 through the remainder of the term, when the spring vacation 
 occurred. I was then obliged to put myself into a physi 
 cian's hands, and the result was, confinement to my bed for 
 more than a week. 
 
 The last day of the recess had come. Wearied and out 
 of spirits, I resolved to call at my dear Dr. Preston's. 
 Slowly I descended the long flights of stairs, holding on 
 carefully to the balusters. The fresh air revived me, and as 
 I walked, I gained strength. The old Doctor extended both 
 hands to meet me. 
 
 " Welcome, child ! Sit down. Stop and take tea with us." 
 
 I shook my head. 
 
 " Do, dear Miss Frazer," urged Mrs. Preston. " Indeed, 
 we shall insist upon it. Ann shall go home with you in the 
 evening." 
 
 So I untied my bonnet, as a token of surrender. Sitting 
 down, one on each side of me, they began to make inqui 
 ries, which I answered as well as I was able. Then I took 
 my turn at catechising, and asked the Doctor if it was true, 
 as I had heard, that he was going to have a colleague.
 
 ESPERANCE. 127 
 
 "Partly true, and partly false," . replied he, with a wise 
 look. 
 
 " I don't understand you, sir." 
 
 " You will, though, before I get through. I will tell you, 
 however, that Mr. Dinsmoor has received a call, and ac 
 cepted it. In a few weeks, will be ordained." 
 
 " He is to be your colleague, then," persisted I. 
 
 " We shall see, we shall see." 
 
 The good Doctor's peculiarities were not confined to his 
 family, or even to private life. In his public ministrations 
 on the Sabbath, his brief, pithy, energetic sentences were 
 jerked out with a nod, and sometimes enforced by rapid and 
 violent gesticulation, and a peremptory stamping of the feet. 
 At his weekly meetings in the vestry, he indulged himself in 
 still greater immunities of speech and action, sometimes 
 bringing down his cane with startling force, by way of point 
 ing a charge, and again, stepping over one bench after 
 another, and freely perambulating hither and thither, as the 
 fancy took him, yet never ceasing to discourse vehemently 
 through the whole. I well remember the unfeigned aston 
 ishment and anxiety with which I gazed upon him during 
 the first exhibition of this kind I happened to witness. My 
 final conclusion was that he had suddenly lost his wits, and I 
 looked round, expecting to see the deacons come forth and 
 lay hands upon him. 
 
 In prayer, his manner was equally characteristic. Keeping 
 his eyes wide open, he would sometimes pass from petition 
 to exhortation, and then back again, without a moment's 
 interruption. Nor did he hesitate to arrest himself in his 
 supplications, for the purpose of delivering a rebuke to some 
 irreverent lad. On one occasion, as I learned, when ear-
 
 128 ESPEKANCE. 
 
 nestly engaged in prayer, happening to notice for the first 
 time a member of the church who had just returned after a 
 long absence, he stepped over a bench, and extended his 
 hand, exclaiming, "How d'do? how d'do?" Nor did he 
 afterwards awake to any consciousness of this singular pro 
 ceeding. 
 
 Upon an unaccustomed audience, a decidedly ludicrous 
 impression would have been made by these peculiarities. 
 But the good Doctor's people thought nothing about them. 
 In spite of them all, and perhaps, with him, the more on 
 their very account, he was not only a true shepherd, skilfully 
 guiding his flock, but a man of undoubted power and re 
 markable influence, both in public and private, with old and 
 young. He had several times requested a dismission, but 
 his people, one and all, were unwilling to have the relation 
 dissolved. He then proposed a colleague, to which they 
 assented, uniting in a call to Mr. Dinsmoor. 
 
 The day of the ordination arrived, and as it was a great 
 occasion, and Mr. Jones made a pdint of patronizing all 
 praiseworthy objects, Symmington Academy was permitted 
 to suspend its functions and be present at the public exer 
 cises. 
 
 It fell naturally to Dr. Preston to deliver the address to 
 the people. Alluding to his long and happy connection with 
 them, he said, 
 
 " I have one request to make. It is that I may be im 
 mediately dismissed from my pastoral charge. Those in 
 favor of granting this request will keep their seats. Con 
 trary-minded will rise. It is a vote. The clerk will record 
 it as unanimous." 
 
 I now understood what the good Doctor meant, when, in
 
 ESPERANCE. 129 
 
 answer to my inquiry as to his having a colleague, he said, 
 " Partly true and partly false." It was a complete ruse de 
 guerre. 
 
 When the people had sufficiently recovered from their be 
 wilderment to realize that they had actually voted for their 
 beloved pastor's dismissal, they were confounded. And 
 throughout the congregation, the universal wiping of eyes 
 and blowing of noses testified to their affectionate regret. 
 But, however informally, the deed was done, and, making a 
 virtue of necessity, they yielded their wishes to his. 
 
 It was now May, and only ten weeks would elapse before 
 the completion of my year. Mr. Jones had become more 
 disagreeable than ever, though in a different way. He had 
 been so long accustomed to despotic sway, that I believe he 
 really enjoyed the novelty of some opposition. It served to 
 tax his wits lest he should lose an iota of his established au 
 thority ; and to a man of energy, this always brings pleasure. 
 At any rate, he seemed to like me all the better for the tart 
 replies which his rudeness often extorted. 
 
 " You are a smart little piece," said he one day, patting 
 me on the cheek. 
 
 "What do you mean, sir?" 
 
 " No offence, dear Miss Frazer," replied he, fawningly. 
 " I only mean that your spirit becomes you, and that that 
 in short, you are ry favorite of all the teachers I ever 
 had." 
 
 " You must know, sir, that both your words and mannei 
 are exceedingly offensivei. If you presume again to trea< 
 me with such disrespect, I shall leave the school at once.' 
 
 With an incredulous smile, he replied,
 
 130 ESPERANCE. 
 
 " You must blame yourself if you choose to show such 
 spirit as tempts me to retort by harmless gallantries. I 
 intend conquering you .by kindness, you see." 
 
 " I will endeavor to control myself henceforth, and thus 
 escape your insults." And I walked loftily out of his 
 presence. 
 
 Not many days after, he entered the room during one of 
 my French recitations, and placed himself opposite me. His 
 fixed, unpleasant gaze was so annoying, that I made several 
 blunders, which, of course, embarrassed my pupils. He sat 
 through the lesson, and then, tipping back in his chair, coolly 
 remarked, 
 
 " I shall make allowance for you, young ladies, on the 
 ground of your teacher's youth and inexperience." 
 
 I retained my self-command till the class had left the 
 room, when I angrily exclaimed, 
 
 " Why did you insult me, sir, in the presence of my 
 pupils ? " 
 
 " Do you intend to dispute my right to rebuke you when 
 ever and however I please ? " 
 
 " I do, sir. And I will not bear this impertinent inter 
 ference." 
 
 " You forget your resolution to control your temper, my 
 dear girl. So you see you must take the consequences." 
 
 In oily tones did these words creep forth. And the inso 
 lent man actually dared
 
 ESPERANCE. 131 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 NOT half an hour after, I was standing by Dr. Preston, to 
 whom I had fled in most stormy mood. 
 
 " Sit down, child, sit down," said he kindly, taking my 
 hand. " Now teU me all." 
 
 When he arrived at a comprehension of the case, he laid 
 his hand tenderly on my forehead, saying, 
 
 "Be quiet, dear, be quiet! All in our favor. "We are 
 lonely. Want young company. Both love you. Come 
 and stay with us as long as you can be content. Great 
 kindness to us, child, great kindness." 
 
 His delicate treatment in my utterly forlorn condition com 
 pletely upset me. In the wamth of my gratitude, I seized 
 his hand, and pressed it to my lips. It was all the reply I 
 could make. . 
 
 When Mrs. Preston came in, she cordially seconded her 
 husband's proposal, adding, 
 
 " We shall be rich in having such a daughter." 
 And I so unworthy of all this kindness ! What could I 
 do but throw my arms round her neck? 
 
 So it was settled that I was to be domiciled in the pleasant 
 parsonage. Sending for my trunk, I wrote a line to Mr. 
 Jones, requesting an immediate settlement. He replied that, 
 as I had left before the year was out, I had forfeited my 
 claim to any payment. I showed Dr. Preston his note.
 
 132 ESPERANCB. 
 
 "Going to do, child?" 
 
 " Nothing, sir." 
 
 The next day he carne puffing in, bearing a remarkably 
 polite document from Mr. Jones, containing the very highest 
 recommendations touching my ability and success as a 
 teacher, and enclosing fifty dollars. As I gazed in aston 
 ishment, with a merry twinkle of his eye, the Doctor said, 
 
 " Hard work. Screwed tight. Fairly pinched. Winced 
 and floundered. Couldn't help himself. Do him good. 
 Got more, but knew you wouldn't touch it." 
 
 " I thank you," replied I, tearing the testimonial into 
 fragments, and throwing them behind the fire-board. 
 
 The Doctor looked on, evidently quite amused. 
 
 " Crazy, child ! Crazy ! Help you to another situation 
 when tired of us." 
 
 " I could not possibly lay myself under the smallest' obli 
 gation to that man," said I, laughing at his affected dismay. 
 
 Then, sitting at his desk, I wrote as follows : 
 
 "To the Principal of Symmington Academy. 
 
 tk MR. JONES. Sir : Enclosed is my receipt for the sum 
 due. I acknowledge your extraordinary courtesy in furnish 
 ing me with so flattering a testimonial. As, however, it is 
 undesired, and would prove wholly useless, I have taken the 
 liberty to destroy it. HOPE FRAZER." 
 
 Handing this note to the Doctor, I asked, 
 "Will that do?" 
 
 The dear old man shook his head with emphasis. 
 " No. Never do. Touchy. Sarcastic. Spiteful too ! 
 And proud of showing spite. Not dignified. Not
 
 ESPEBANCE. 133 
 
 womanly. Not Christian. Ah, child meekness a sweet 
 grace. Cultivate it. Cultivate it, I say." 
 
 Thus ended my first venture ; once more I was out 
 on the wide, wide sea. And yet not so, for had not a kind 
 Providence brought me into a quiet haven ? How precious, 
 even at this distance of time, is the memory of those peace 
 ful days spent under that blessed roof ! 
 
 Not long after my removal to the parsonage, a letter came 
 from Miss Carey, to whom I had again written, saying that 
 she had made an engagement for me as assistant to a Mr. 
 Northrup, principal of a Seminary at Ironton, in Illinois. 
 
 Thus relieved of all anxiety for the future, I gave myself 
 up to the enjoyment of the present. Rejoicing in my freedom, 
 I strolled about whenever and wherever I pleased, some 
 times passing hours in wandering over the sunny slopes of 
 Try on. 
 
 With the excellent couple my intercourse was always de 
 lightful. I read to them, and talked with them, as if I had 
 known them all my life. On matters, however, pertaining to 
 my past history, and my religious views and feelings, I main 
 tained an unbroken reserve. I hardly know why, but some 
 how I could not open to the good man my old bitter doubts 
 and questionings, or my present inward discouragement. 
 
 I still felt that, while at Crawford, there had been a certain 
 change ; yet it was not one that had brought me abiding 
 happiness, or even serenity. My main purpose to live for 
 duty was unaltered ; but in my attempts to carry out this 
 resolve, I was under the guidance of principle rather than 
 affection, and therefore took little comfort in my endeavors, 
 however sincere or earnest. 
 12
 
 134 ESPERANCE. 
 
 Those genial, refreshing days sped by on rapid feet. The 
 dreaded time of my departure had arrived. I secured a 
 farewell interview with Mrs. Jones, who manifested no little 
 emotion. The next day I must take leave of those cherished 
 friends, who had given me a home and its sympathies in my 
 hour of need. Of my sad parting with them I will not 
 speak. The good Lord will reward them for their generous 
 kindness. I never can. 
 
 The morning of my departure, I climbed my favorite 
 mountain. For the last time my eyes were filled with the 
 fair landscape spread out beneath me. The last time ! And 
 then, with lingering look and a saddened heart, I left behind 
 me all this beauty, and set my face towards the desert of 
 life, stretching gloomily away before me. Once more, how 
 ever, when I had reached the foot of Tryon, I turned back, 
 and lifting up misty eyes to its proud summit, I said my .last 
 farewell. 
 
 "Clouded in morning's rosy, liquid light, 
 
 Thou standest, mountain fair, once more for me ; 
 But ere the pale stars of another night 
 Encircle thee with rays, far shall I be. 
 
 " How oft, with loving heart and watchful eye, 
 
 I've marked the changing beauties o'er thee glide ! 
 Bright autumn's gorgeous tints, in sadness die 
 To sombre brown upon thy sloping side. 
 
 " And in the calm, voluptuous afternoons 
 
 That mind one still of golden summer-days, 
 When rivulet and bird trill softer tunes, 
 I've seen thee robed in melting purple haze.
 
 ESPERANCE. 135 
 
 " Pure Dion's crescent moon has bathed thy brow 
 
 With waves of solemn, pallid, spectral light, 
 Illumed the pines that climb thy sides e'en now, 
 In vain attempts to reach thy forehead's height. 
 
 " And oft the storm has dropped his veil of mist 
 
 Around thee, hiding thy translucent blue, 
 Till, all his anger gone, by sunshine kissed, 
 
 'Twas softly raised, and left thee clear and true. 
 
 ' Yes I fair in all thy changeful forms thou art, 
 
 And near and dear as human friend to me ; 
 And memories sweet, though sad within my heart, 
 Where'er I go, I'll carry still of thee."
 
 136 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 IT cannot be supposed that I had lived to the age of 
 almost nineteen, with no thoughts about " la grande pas 
 sion" Indeed, some expressions in my Crawford journal be 
 tray my feelings on a subject universally associated with 
 one's teens. For general admiration, I cared little. But 
 this very indifference to society at large, intensified my na 
 ture. An outcast from home, without an intimate friend 
 whom I could take into my soul, and with no object of inter 
 est sufficient to enlist all my energies, my heart was left to 
 prey on itself. And the more I dwelt on my embittered past, 
 the greater was my desire for a loving, happy future. Life, 
 however, lay before me in dark perspective. For the occu 
 pation of teaching, I had no natural affinity. Indeed, dis 
 heartened by my unfortunate experience, it had become 
 positively distasteful. And yet, a teacher I seemed doomed 
 to be, to the end of my days. 
 
 Into such reveries as these, I unwittingly fell, while trav 
 elling over the weary miles towards my new destination. 
 But for my proud resolve to be independent of my father, 
 and a certain latent force of character, which, in spite of my 
 timidity, carried me over great obstacles, I should have 
 fallen into my old torpor. As it was, I kept up a desperate 
 struggle, till at length courage gained the ascendency. 
 
 My good friend, Dr. Preston, had given me a line of intro-
 
 ESPERANCE. 137 
 
 duction to a brother-clergyman in Albany, who saw me on 
 board a canal boat, placing me under the care of a western 
 merchant, who was returning to Illinois. He was civil 
 enough, but not being communicative, I was left mostly to 
 my own thoughts. 
 
 My tedious days and nights in the slow moving canal boat, 
 interrupted only by frequent thumping collisions with other 
 boats, were at length terminated by a willing return to the 
 plodding stage-coach. 
 
 Of the western prairies, I had entertained a somewhat 
 romantic idea. I was on the watch for a boundless sea of 
 the richest green, stretching out in interminable billows, and 
 gemmed with fair islands of the most superb flowers. It so 
 turned out, that having travelled all night in the stage, I 
 was just catching a stray nap, when Mr. Smith touched me, 
 saying, 
 
 " Miss Frazer, you wished to see a prairie. Here is one." 
 
 Starting with eagerness, I gazed long and earnestly. The 
 whole eastern sky was aglow with the crimson hues of 
 morning, but I saw nothing else of interest. Concluding I 
 must be looking in the wrong direction, I at length asked, 
 
 "Where is it?" 
 
 " There, just where you are looking." 
 
 I rubbed my eyes to be sure I was awake, but nothing 
 greeted my expectant vision except a boundless extent of 
 level ground, covered with coarse, brown stubble. 
 
 " That a prairie ! " I exclaimed, in manifest disappoint 
 ment. " Why, I see neither verdure nor flowers." 
 
 " Of course not ; why should you? " said he, a little net 
 tled. " There has been a long drought, and the grass and 
 flowers are dried up." 
 12*
 
 138 ESPERANCB. 
 
 " I made no allowance for that," replied I, lapsing into 
 common-placeism, and striving to moderate my expectations 
 in all directions. 
 
 " I will prepare myself to see a fright in my landlady," 
 said I, mentally ; " indeed, what could reasonably be ex 
 pected of any one by the name of Brimblecum ? " 
 
 " This is Ironton," remarked Mr. Smith, after we had 
 travelled far enough, as I thought, to reach the Rocky Moun 
 tains. 
 
 " A very pretty place," said I, observing with satisfaction 
 a thrifty village of good size, and quite resembling the New 
 England villages I had passed through. 
 
 In due time we arrived at Miss Brimblecum's spacious 
 mansion, which, as I remember, was painted a light brown, 
 and adorned with pea-green blinds. A bustling maid prompt 
 ly answered my summons, and leaving me standing in the 
 hall, went in search of her mistress. 
 
 " Miss Frazer ! " said I, introducing myself. 
 
 " How are you, ma'am? " with a stiff bow. 
 
 Ushering me into a large, dark parlor, and setting out a 
 chair, she went to one of the windows, and turned down the 
 blinds, so as to admit a few horizontal rays, thence proceed 
 ing to straighten matters here and there. Wherever she 
 went, my eyes involuntarily followed her, and, to confess 
 the truth, with a strong inclination to laugh and cry at the 
 same time. Imagine a tall, lank figure (crinoline was not 
 then jn vogue) , with quick, angular movements, arms that 
 hung like pump-handles at her side, a copper-colored wig 
 setting off a saffron complexion, small, green, ferreting eyes, 
 and a prim, tight mouth, that looked as if it opened only 
 to let out thin, vapid speeches. This notable maiden was
 
 ESPERANCE. 139 
 
 arrayed in a cinnamon calico, covered with immense flowers ; 
 while her wrinkled forehead was adorned with a pair of steel 
 mounted spectacles, which seldom descended upon her nose, 
 where indeed they would have been of little use, as, when 
 ever by chance they happened there, she invariably threw 
 back her head to peep under them. Eying me from time 
 to time as she moved about, she finally made a sudden pause, 
 inquiring, 
 
 " Would you like to go to your room?" 
 
 " I should, if convenient." 
 
 I had momently been dreading the advent of the prin 
 cipal, and remembering my first encounter with Mr. Jones, 
 wished to make myself a little decent before I passed a sim 
 ilar review. So I was glad to follow the hostess to my 
 chamber, which was a large and pleasant room. 
 
 " Mr. Northrup selected this for you." 
 
 "So he thought of my comfort," said I, mentally, with 
 something like warmth at my heart. 
 
 Looking from my window upon the fields and groves that 
 met my sight, whence also I could command the western 
 sky, I said cordially, 
 
 " I like his choice." 
 
 " Of course you do," replied she, sharply, seeming to re 
 sent the expression of my satisfaction as wholly superfluous. 
 
 " What is your tea hour? " I inquired, as she was leaving. 
 
 " Six o'clock, precisely." 
 
 I looked at my watch, and finding it already half past five, 
 concluded not to change my travelling dress. 
 
 Having made the needful preparations for tea, I sat down 
 by an open window, and began to wonder what sort of a 
 man Mr. Northrup might be. Not for the first time, how-
 
 140 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 ever. But not having the smallest data to build upon, I had 
 indulged myself in conjuring up a great variety of charac 
 ters answering to the name of Northrup, though taking good 
 care to keep as far as possible from the similitude of Mr. Jones. 
 
 The ominous supper-bell ! I soon found myself at a long 
 table, filled with strange faces. Our landlady introduced me 
 to no one, and which among all the gentlemen was Mr. 
 Northrup, and why he did not make himself known, I was 
 unable to divine. When we were nearly through, the lady 
 next me inquired of Miss Brimblecum, 
 
 "'Where is Mr. Northrup? " 
 
 " Gone out to tea ; " a response which put an end to my 
 wonder, and relieved me from the impression that he could 
 not be*a gentleman. 
 
 I had ventured only to cast my eyes furtively round the 
 table, and had no distinct idea of any one except my left- 
 hand neighbor, whom our hostess addressed as Miss Betts. 
 This same Hepzibah Betts was a little wiry woman, with an 
 unattractive countenance, ornamented on either side by a 
 bunch of short curls. Her attire was youthful, both in color 
 and make, while the highly juvenile manners she had adopted 
 were in strict accordance with her style of dress. From all 
 I could gather, I judged that she had so long striven to con 
 vince others that she was young, that at length she had prac 
 tised the imposition upon herself. She had a quick, outside 
 laugh, and bowed her head this way and that, causing a 
 graceful flutter in her cherished curls, and the bright ribbons 
 that adorned her head. She was extremely affable to all, 
 and patronized poor little me with wonderful zeal, asking 
 questions faster than I could answer them, and passing me 
 the various dishes with untiring assiduity.
 
 ESPEKANCE. 141 
 
 " I shall come in and see you very soon," she called out in 
 an encouraging voice as I was leaving the dining-hall. 
 
 I have not wished to caricature this picture, as it lies pho 
 tographed in memory. At first I regarded Miss Betts as 
 well meaning, though weak-minded *and frivolous, but subse 
 quent acquaintance obliged me somewhat to modify my 
 opinion. Doubtless she had her good points, though unfor 
 tunately they did not come under my notice. 
 
 Most thankful was I to escape to my own room, where I 
 again seated myself at the window, too tired to unlock my 
 trunk, and glad that Belinda Lawson was not there to set 
 me working. How many things I thought of in that long, 
 weary hour ! 
 
 Twilight was still lingering, when the chambermaid brought 
 a message. 
 
 " Mr. Northrup sends his compliments, and would be glad 
 to see you in the parlor, if you're not too tired to come 
 down." 
 
 " Tell him I will be there directly." 
 
 I slowly descended the stairs, and, with a sudden feeling 
 of shyness, paused before entering the room. But finding 
 delay had no tendency to increase my courage, I opened the 
 door. A young man instantly rose, and with an agreeable, 
 though assured air, came forward, and cordially offering his 
 hand, set out a rocking-chair for me by the window. 
 
 " It was hardly generous to request your presence this 
 evening, Miss Frazer, for I know you must be very weary, 
 but I was " and he paused, as if at a loss how to finish. 
 
 " Somewhat curious to see me?" I ventured to add. 
 
 " I plead guilty," replied he, smiling with evident satisfac 
 tion that the ice was thus effectually broken. " But in order
 
 142 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 that I may satisfy my curiosity, and Miss Frazer hers, we 
 must have a better view of one another ; " and, rising, he 
 ordered lights. 
 
 " What a ridiculous blunder I have made ! " was my disa 
 greeable reflection. " A*nd now, instead of the pleasant chat 
 we might have had, he will be staring at me in disap 
 pointment." 
 
 But there was no retrieving my mistake. The lights were 
 brought ; and placing them where they would fall on my face, 
 Mr. Northrup sat down opposite, and playfully fixed his 
 smiling eyes upon me. Resisting a strong temptation to 
 extinguish the lights, but with a feeling of chagrin which I 
 could not wholly conceal, I made out to say, 
 
 " Since I have dared you to the encounter, I will not 
 flinch." 
 
 Whether he too felt that he was cheated, or whether he 
 was sorry for my embarrassment, I could not tell ; but, with 
 an entire change of manner, he began to inquire about my 
 journey. Bent on sociability, I told him of my prairie-dis 
 appointment, at which he heartily laughed, assuring me, 
 however, that another June would restore my early idea. 
 
 Not a word about " programmes," or " prescribed duties," 
 or " undivided attention," or even Granville Seminary till we 
 parted, when he simply said, 
 
 " I will not trouble you with business till you find your 
 self rested." 
 
 What a weight was lifted from me ! And how I thanked 
 him in my heart, as I returned to my chamber ! 
 
 Let me recall that first picture of Mr. Northrup, as it still 
 lingers in my mind. Of medium height, well proportioned, 
 and of easy, sprightly address ; a profusion of curly brown
 
 ESPERANCE. 143 
 
 hair upon a smooth, open forehead ; kindly eyes, of deep 
 blue, which readily laughed ; and a mouth denoting sweetness 
 and mobility, rather than firmness. In my own room that 
 first night, I thought over this sketch, as young girls will 
 sometimes do. And I felt a grateful emotion for the -relief 
 and satisfaction so pleasant a picture afforded me. More 
 than that, I projected it into the future, wondering if it would 
 ever be any less agreeable. 
 
 ' The following morning I was seated at the breakfast table, 
 next to Miss -Setts, when Mr. Northrup made his appearance. 
 
 " Good morning, Miss Frazer ! Good morning, Miss 
 Setts ! Miss Brimblecum, I intended to have begged a seat 
 beside Miss Frazer. Please make the change this noon, if 
 she does not object." 
 
 " But I have claimed her," said Miss Setts. " Suppose 
 you should sit the other side of me." 
 
 " I will take a seat between you," replied he, with a sly 
 glance at me. " I shall then be able to protect you against 
 each other." 
 
 " That will do, and we will be quite a social set among 
 ourselves." 
 
 " No doubt of that," replied he, laughing. 
 
 From that time he sat between us, warding off Miss 
 Setts' volleys of gay talk, and always seeing that I was well 
 provided for. 
 
 Miss Brimblecum had her favorites, of whom I proved 
 not to be one ; indeed, they were mostly of the masculine 
 gender. Among these, Mr. Northrup stood preeminent a 
 fact which he well understood. In his general kindliness, 
 therefore, I felt secure against marked neglect from our 
 hostess.
 
 144 ESPERANCE. 
 
 From Miss Belts' persistent determination to be intimate 
 with me, she was becoming more and more of an annoyance. 
 In spite of my attempts to distance her, she made me frequent 
 calls, in which she invariably posted me up, not merely in 
 all the gossip relating to our fellow-boarders, but also in that 
 of the whole neighborhood. Her insatiable curiosity would 
 not allow her. to rest content without knowing every person 
 who called at ''our boarding-house, and for what purpose. 
 Even now, I behold her stretching her neck clear over the 
 balusters, to see who might be entering the door ; and, fail 
 ing in this, putting down her ear to catch the voice floating 
 upward. And I seem once more to note the glow of triumph 
 which never failed to brighten her face when successful in 
 her experiment. 
 
 But I must not close this chapter without alluding, to my 
 situation as a teacher. The whole atmosphere of the school 
 was in striking contrast to that of Symmington Academy. 
 Our pupils were expected to behave like young ladies and 
 gentlemen. Thrown thus on their own responsibility, and 
 treated with uniform kindness and courtesy by Mr. Northrup, 
 who was a great favorite with them, the result was, what 
 might be anticipated an orderly and agreeable school. 
 Under these circumstances, teaching assumed a different 
 aspect ; indeed, I found myself coming to feel a positive 
 pleasure in the employment. And as the gentlemanly prin 
 cipal took good care that my labors should not be onerous, I 
 had every reason to be content. This I was, in full measure, 
 so far at least as the externals of life were concerned. 
 
 But I had come more and more to neglect my religious 
 duties, and, in consequence, my conscience was ill at ease. 
 To quiet its accusations, I took a class in the Sunday School,
 
 ESPEBANCE. 145 
 
 to which I endeavored to be faithful. All these outward 
 observances, however, lacked vitality, and were thence weari 
 some and profitless. And my heart was depressed by the 
 occasional return of my former gloomy moods. At these 
 times, my soul was so tortured by the old agonizing doubts, 
 that it longed oh, how intensely! to utter itself in some 
 human ear. 
 
 13
 
 146 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 / 
 
 " I HAVE invited our friend, Miss Frazer, to take a walk 
 after tea," said Miss Betts one day, at the supper-table. 
 
 " And has she accepted? " asked Mr. Northrup, with one 
 of his sideway glances at rny face. 
 
 " She seems to hesitate, but I thought perhaps you 
 might persuade her." 
 
 Turning towards me with one of his fascinating smiles ; 
 " Miss Frazer, will you not give Miss Betts and myself the 
 pleasure of your company in our anticipated walk ? " 
 
 " I believe I must be excused," I replied, for having man 
 ifested a reluctance to accept of her invitation, I felt some 
 scruples in allowing myself to be persuaded by him. 
 
 " Do not condemn me to go without you," whispered he, 
 in a tone of entreaty, and with such a laughable look of 
 distress, that I made no further objection. 
 
 It proved a pleasant walk, notwithstanding Miss Betts' 
 constant flow of words. The frank good humor and spor- 
 tiveness of Mr. Northrup played like sunlight upon my 
 serious nature, kindling me to unwonted gayety. Perhaps 
 my enjoyment of his society was the greater, because I had 
 been so little accustomed to anything of the sort. At any 
 rate, this free and kindly intercourse was a new and pleasant 
 chapter in my history. 
 
 Leaving the village, we strolled onward till we reached
 
 ESPEBANCE. 147 
 
 the banks of the Mississippi, where we stood, watching the 
 easy flow of its clear waters. The meadows stretching at 
 its side, usually so verdant, now lay scorched and brown. 
 
 " In all the time you have lived here, did you ever know 
 such a dry season, Miss Betts?" 
 
 " I believe not ; but, Mr. Northrup," added she with a 
 sudden accession of sentiment, " I should think one who had 
 known me so long might call me by my Christian name." 
 
 " But would you allow me that privilege ? " asked he, with 
 one of his mischievous looks. 
 
 " Certainly I would ; how can you doubt it?" 
 
 " Henceforth, then, I may venture to address you as Miss 
 Hepzibah ; " and lifting his hat, he made her a courtly bow. 
 
 " That is delightful, it is so home-like." 
 
 Not long after, in crossing a brook, he offered his hand, 
 saying, 
 
 " Miss Hepsy, shall I have the pleasure of assisting you?" 
 
 " That is better yet," replied she, blushing, as she gave him 
 her hand, and finally adding, " you seem very much like an 
 old friend." 
 
 "And such I beg you always to consider me, Miss 
 Hepsy." 
 
 The scene was now becoming quite romantic. Miss Betts 
 blushed and giggled, as she ventured, 
 
 " Would you like me to call you Walter?" 
 
 " The fates forefend ! " replied he, shaking his head with 
 an expression of dismay. " No, no, excuse me ; but as I 
 have the misfortune to be young, and have, therefore, need 
 of all the dignity I can assume, I could poorly afford to 
 exchange any title of respect, even for the familiar household 
 name of my boyhood, and that from the lips of a valued
 
 148 ESPERANCE. 
 
 friend like yourself. But do not hesitate to command me in 
 any other way in which I can serve you." 
 
 Miss Hepsy looked mystified, while Hope Frazer turned 
 away to hide her face, being so naughty as to find enjoyment 
 in Mr. Northrup's tantalizing wickedness. 
 
 "You seem charmed with the prospect, Miss Frazer," 
 said he, stealing to my side, and looking under my bonnet 
 with a comical expression. " Are you studying the Mis 
 sissippi ? " 
 
 " no ! A far more insignificant study that of human 
 nature." 
 
 " I trust you do not consider me deserving of a rebuke," 
 pointing to Miss Betts, who was just then wandering off by 
 herself. 
 
 " I am not quite sure. I certainly should, if she were a 
 trifle less " 
 
 " Youthful, and vain, and silly." 
 
 " I did not say that." 
 
 " But I did." 
 
 " And I ought to resent the charge, and defend my sex." 
 
 " Miss Frazer has too much sense, as well as candor, to 
 advocate an unworthy cause." 
 
 " Do you mean, sir, by flattery, to buy off a merited re 
 buke? " asked I, looking into his face. 
 
 " If I had intended this, I should never make the attempt 
 again." 
 
 "Shall we rejoin Miss Betts? I fear she may consider 
 herself slighted." 
 
 " I have no wish to do so, but will obey your commands." 
 
 " Suppose you find her " 
 
 " Resentful? I will take a peace-offering."
 
 , 
 
 ESPEEANCE. . 149 
 
 And, breaking off a branch from a tree, we overtook her. 
 She turned upon us her smiling countenance, unsuspicious 
 that there had been any joking at her expense. 
 
 "A dreadful waste ?" observed he, sotto voce, throwing 
 away the branch. " But I owe you an amende." 
 
 And gathering a cluster of autumnal leaves, he brought 
 them to me. 
 
 " Not as an apology," said I, withholding my hand. 
 
 " As un gage d'amitie ? " 
 
 " What, the sere and dead leaf? " 
 
 "It is the best offering in my reach. The other, you 
 would, of course, have rejected." 
 
 Looking a little chagrined, he was on the point of throw 
 ing them away. 
 
 " No," said I, " I want them." 
 
 He hesitated. 
 
 "I always thought the autumnal leaf more beautifully 
 emblematic than any other," I added, continuing to hold out 
 my hand till he placed them in it. 
 
 Opposite me at the table sat a middle-aged bachelor, a 
 merchant, in good circumstances and highly esteemed, but a 
 decided oddity. He had an unusual share of the milk of 
 human kindness in his composition, and this, I think, was 
 what led him to take to me. For he saw, or could have 
 seen, that I was self-distrustful, and apt to get on a long 
 face. After his own fashion, he treated me with great 
 politeness, furnished me with hot-house flowers, tickets to 
 concerts, books, pieces of music, and similar et ceteras, and 
 all in such a matter-of-course way that I never thought of 
 refusing them. Thus Philander Benedict and I had come 
 13*
 
 150 ESPBBANCE. 
 
 to be on the best possible terms. For his many favors, I 
 took pleasure in making the best returns in my power, mend 
 ing his gloves, hemming and marking his handkerchiefs, play 
 ing and singing to him, and chatting with him whenever we 
 were both in the mood. For he had his silent turns, as well 
 as I. 
 
 But in spite of his friendship and all my other pleasant 
 surroundings, the blue demons sometimes attacked me with 
 more force than ever. Mr. Northrup frequently rallied 
 me on my sober face. And one evening, when we had been 
 singing together, he suddenly turned towards me, 
 
 " Miss Frazer, may I ask if you have always been as 
 subject to the blues as since you came here ? ' 
 
 " You may, sir." 
 
 "Well?" 
 
 "And I suppose I may take the liberty to decline an 
 answer." 
 
 " Perhaps you think me obtrusive," said he, as a shade of 
 vexation crossed his face. 
 
 " By no means, Mr. Northrup, but I prefer not to talk of 
 myself. Life was early poisoned for me, and I have only to 
 battle it as I best can. So much I say in answer to your 
 question, but please not allude to this subject again." 
 
 He looked serious, and more than that almost sorrow 
 ful. At last he continued, 
 
 "Your mind is preying upon itself, and needs a tonic. 
 Have you ever studied Greek ? " 
 
 I shook my head. 
 
 " Have you any objection to the undertaking? " 
 
 i None at all, if I can master it." 
 
 " Will you let me assist you?" 
 
 " Gladly, if you can find time."
 
 ESPERANCE. 151 
 
 I was speedily immersed in Greek roots, and I think I 
 never went into anything with more enthusiasm. Having 
 conquered the verbs, Mr. Northrup put me into the " Cyro- 
 paedia." And with his help I soon read a little of old Homer. 
 
 Midwinter had now come, but the weather was still mild. 
 During the long evenings I made rapid progress in my now 
 favorite study. How much I owed to the interest taken in 
 the matter by my teacher, I cannot say ; but it were vain 
 to deny that I looked forward to my evenings as the most 
 attractive part of the day. Yet I was dissatisfied with my 
 self for even so much as this. I had sounded Mr. Northrup, 
 and found him wanting in depth, in consistency of character, 
 and in stability of feeling and purpose. Of this I was en 
 tirely satisfied. But there was a strange attraction for rue 
 in his smiling eye, his easy, nonchalant air, and his impres 
 sible nature. Besides, let me plead what excuses I may, 
 I was at the susceptible age, we were constantly thrown to 
 gether, and, more than all, my heart was starving ; is it a 
 shame to own the truth? Yet all this time I tenaciously 
 hugged my self-respect ; all this time I waged the old war 
 fare, feeling that I was doomed to be miserable. 
 
 As I was arranging my hair one well-remembered Satur 
 day morning, I leaned my head on my hands, and looked 
 long and earnestly into the mirror. I saw there a thin, care 
 worn face, old before its time ; folds of dark hair shading a 
 pale forehead, and simply braided round the head ; features, 
 certainly of no Grecian type ; no rich bloom on cheek or lip ; 
 and large eyes, neither violet nor black, but a gray which 
 alternately resembled both. Even to me they looked so 
 melancholy ! And I pitied myself as I gazed into their sad, 
 inquiring depths. Ah, how unlike another face which I
 
 152 ESPERANCE. 
 
 beheld every day, and which sometimes looked so kindly upon 
 me ! How fresh it wafb ! and how full of life and hope ! 
 vitalizing every one who came within its sphere. 
 
 Awaking from my profitless reverie, I unsparingly rebuked 
 my own folly. Even as a mere friend, Mr. Northrup did 
 not come up to my ideal. A friendship between us must of 
 necessity be a one-sided affair, in which I should never 
 receive the half I gave. But then so I reasoned this 
 might be owing to the difference between man and woman. 
 
 Dissatisfied alike with the subject of my thoughts and 
 with myself, I turned to my Greek. But the pages were 
 blurred, and I could not reafl. Angry at my own absurdity, 
 I went down into the parlor, (there was no school, and 
 Mr. Northrup was out of town,) and began to play some 
 lively tunes. 
 
 Not long after, Miss Brimblecum and Miss Betts came 
 in, and sitting down by the fire, put their heads confidentially 
 together. As I continued listlessly to drum on the piano, I 
 overheard the young old maid say to the old old one in sup 
 pressed tones, 
 
 " Yes, I think Mr. Northrup is a real gentleman, and the 
 most patient man I ever knew." 
 
 " So he is. He waits on that Miss Frazer as if he con 
 sidered it a real pleasure." 
 
 " Yes," chimed in Miss Betts, " and that, when we all 
 have the best of reason to know it is only compassion he 
 feels for her." 
 
 " She's dreadful homely," remarked Miss Brimblecum. 
 
 " Yes," echoed Miss Betts, " and old-looking." And 
 glancing into the mirror, I could see her bridling and tossing 
 her head as if she knew somebody that was young-looking.
 
 E8PERANCE. 153 
 
 " He says she's a good teacher," remarked the elder. 
 
 " I know he does, and on that account he would be sorry 
 to lose her. And so, as she's such a touchy piece, he has to 
 give in to many things, for fear of vexing her." 
 
 " But if she only knew what a bore he considers her " 
 
 " And how much he thinks of beauty " 
 
 " She's pride enough to untie him from her apron- 
 strings " 
 
 " And to keep out of his way." 
 
 " Can't you advise her?" 
 
 " I would, if I didn't hate to hurt her feelings." 
 
 " Yes, I believe you would, Miss Betts, for you've always 
 been kind to her." 
 
 " I don't know why, but I really have taken a sort of 
 fancy to her. But then beauty in one woman is nothing to 
 another, nor ugliness either." And she giggled, as if de 
 lighted at her own wit. 
 
 I gave no sign or token that I had caught one word, but 
 after thrumming on for a while, commenced the performance 
 of a brilliant piece, which completely drowned their voices. 
 I had heard enough. They might go on now till doomsday, 
 if they listed. What a dull, aching pain had their words 
 driven down deep into my heart ! 
 
 That same evening Mr. Northrup invited me to attend a 
 concert. I coolly declined. The next day I told him I was 
 not in the mood for Greek, and should therefore suspend it. 
 
 " Have I offended you, Miss Frazer?" 
 
 " No, sir ;" and fearing to trust myself further, I hastened 
 from the room. 
 
 So matters went on till a comfortless formality was in 
 duced between us. Under these circumstances, finding my
 
 154 ESPERANCE. 
 
 seat next him somewhat embarrassing, I took advantage 
 of the arrival of a new boarder, and removed to the other 
 end of the table. My friend, Mr. Benedict, took his place 
 beside me, saying that I could not get along without some 
 body to quarrel with. 
 
 Never was Miss Betts more gracious, or more disagreeable 
 than now. Not that I bore her any conscious ill will. But 
 she was always offending my taste, as well as my nicer in 
 stincts. She continued to bestow on Mr. Northrup her 
 abundant benignities, which he received with his usual non 
 chalance. 
 
 Time wore on, and I became more silent and repulsive, 
 while Mr. Benedict grew more communicative and complai 
 sant. On a sweet midsummer evening, he invited me to take 
 a drive. As this was not an unusual attention, I did not 
 hesitate, and besides, I hoped it would put me into better 
 humor. So I made myself ready, and, driving rapidly, we 
 were soon beyond the limits of the town. Coming into the 
 forest road, Mr. Benedict slacked the reins, and the horse, 
 falling into a walk, moved lazily on. 
 
 The golden-footed fairies continued to play at bo-peep 
 through the leafy branches of those magnificent old trees, 
 the merrier, as it would seem, the nearer their bed-time. 
 And the rich old autocrat, their father, lighted up the prime 
 val woods with an utter lavishness of splendor, such as any 
 other monarch, at half the cost of his kingdom, would vainly 
 seek to imitate. The breath of that August evening was 
 spicy with fir and piny odors, while, across the silvery tink 
 ling of a distant waterfall, broke, now and then, the strange 
 wail of the whippoorwill, the melody of the thrush, or the 
 droning of the insect world.
 
 ESPEBANCE. 155 
 
 My companion had not spoken for some time a silence 
 I fully appreciated ; for at such an hour, who would not 
 rather feel than talk ? But suddenly I was jolted out of 
 Dreamland by his abrupt remark, 
 
 " Miss Frazer, I have never expected to marry." 
 
 " So I supposed," said I, looking innocently into his face, 
 and wondering to what his singular affirmation was the 
 prelude. 
 
 " And I have never desired to," continued he, tying the 
 reins into a knot, and then pausing. 
 
 " So I concluded," replied I, still more perplexed. 
 
 " Till since I knew you." 
 
 Those words cost him effort. And having uttered them, 
 he grew very red. I gazed at him with more wonder than 
 ever. For an exuberance of kindness, I had given him full 
 credit, but to attach to it any such significance, never entered 
 my head. 
 
 " You look as if you doubted my capacity to feel. But 
 you don't know me. I have thought of this matter a long 
 time. I am alone in the world, and you seem so. Why 
 cannot we be something to one another? I know I am 
 much older, but " And he worked away vigorously at his 
 knot. 
 
 The idea of Philander Benedict's seriously wooing any 
 one, most of all, my insignificant self, seemed very ludicrous. 
 And yet my heart consciously warmed towards him ; and 
 the thought came over me I frankly avow it that it was 
 without doubt the only offer of marriage I should ever have. 
 I knew that, if I accepted it, I should be most tenderly cared 
 for. But this self-parleying did not amount to a temptation. 
 
 I soon contrived to let Mr. Benedict understand the real
 
 156 ESP E RANGE. 
 
 state of the case. He looked very sober, nay, more than 
 that ; and, for some little time, there was an awkward si 
 lence. At length with a sigh, which, I must admit, some 
 what touched me, he remarked, 
 
 " Then I never shall marry." 
 
 " Oh, yes, you will. I have now great hopes of you." 
 
 " If you would only give me the smallest word of encour 
 agement, I could serve patiently as long as Jacob did." 
 
 "I assure you that I appreciate your interest, but I could 
 not, in sincerity, give such a word." He looked so pained, 
 that I immediately added, " But why need our friendship be 
 interrupted ? " 
 
 "You mean that, after this great piece of presumption, 
 you will be my friend as much as ever ? " 
 
 " Presumption, I am far from considering it. But, to be 
 sure, I mean just what I said ; why not ? " 
 
 "And you won't change your seat at the table? And 
 you will ride and walk with me the same as ever ? " 
 
 " With the greatest pleasure, provided we fully understand 
 each other." 
 
 " I do, I will. But I see I was a fool for fancying you 
 might " 
 
 " I shan't allow you to scandalize Mr. Benedict, for he is 
 one of my best friends. And we are bound to keep on good 
 terms." 
 
 " So we are ; " and he paused a minute. Then opening 
 an old-fashioned pocket-book, he took out a folded piece of 
 tissue paper, saying, with a forced smile, " I bought this, 
 vain fellow that I was, expressly for you. And now you'll 
 wear it, won't you, as a token of my friendship ? " 
 
 The last word came out with something very like a sob,
 
 ESPEEANCE. 157 
 
 but, affecting not to notice it, I opened the paper, and, be 
 hold ! a glittering diamond ring ! 
 
 " This is fit for a duchess," said I, playfully, " but you 
 must put it away for that future fair one who is destined to 
 cross your orbit." 
 
 He shook his head vigorously, saying, " I am perfectly 
 confident I shall never want it." 
 
 " Wait a while, and we shall see. Besides, this is rather 
 too sentimental a token for me. If you are determined to 
 give me a present, and if a recipient may ever be a chooser, 
 I should prefer some book of poems." 
 
 " You shall have your choice," replied he, taking back the 
 ring with a disappointed look. 
 
 " When the time comes for you to dispose of it, you must 
 allow me to laugh at you." 
 
 " As much as you please. But I do assure you that you 
 will never have the chance." And his countenance was dis 
 tressingly solemn and protesting. 
 
 " Eemember ! " and I shook my finger at him. 
 
 So that act in the drama was closed. 
 14
 
 158 ESPERANCE 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 TIME wore on, but brought no relief to my restless and 
 unhappy moods. In the light of those zealous purposes 
 which I had. once so resolutely formed, how miserably 
 dwarfed did my every-day practice appear ! I was severe in 
 my self-scrutiny, constantly analyzing my hidden motives, 
 and taking my imagination to task for its ceaseless vagaries. 
 But all my efforts availed me nothing. In this state of dis 
 couragement and gloom, I felt that if I could have secured 
 heaven by daily acts of penance, or by some long and pain 
 ful pilgrimage, the conditions would have been most easy, 
 compared with what was actually required. 
 
 One afternoon I was invited to take tea at Mr. Richard 
 son's, the pastor of the Presbyterian church, who had a 
 daughter in the Academy. I was so depressed, that I should 
 have declined, but for a sudden resolve to seek an opportu 
 nity for religious conversation with him. He was an earnest 
 and eloquent preacher, and I felt as if he might do me good. 
 
 In the course of the evening he took a seat near me. 
 After some general conversation, I said to him, 
 
 " Mr. Richardson, I am tossing on a stormy sea ; can you 
 help me ? " 
 
 " I would gladly do so." 
 
 " When may I come and talk with you? " 
 
 "Any hour Saturday afternoon I shall be at liberty."
 
 ESPEEANCB. 159 
 
 The appointed time arrived, and with the most shrinking 
 sensitiveness, I went to the parsonage. Mrs. Richardson 
 met me at the door, and, evidently understanding my 
 object, led me into the study, where her husband cordially 
 received me. 
 
 How much had I anticipated from this visit ! Perhaps I 
 was leaning too confidently on a human arm, and needed 
 disappointment. At any rate, I found it. Mr. Richardson 
 was a truly good man, and was manifestly disposed to assist 
 me. But it soon became evident that there was a wall 
 between us. Not to every one can we give the key to our 
 souls, confident that our hidden troubles will be rightly 
 grasped. 
 
 In my desire to conceal nothing, I told Mr. Richardson 
 some of my dreadful questionings and doubts. His face 
 assumed a grave and almost forbidding expression, while 
 he made some reply that I could not quite understand, 
 but in a tone which was far from putting me at ease. As 
 the interview proceeded, I felt hurt, though I could not 
 have told exactly what inflicted the pain. If Mr. Richard 
 son supposed himself to be probing my wounds, I can only 
 say it was in a way that tended to aggravate, rather than 
 to heal, them. It had been at a great cost of feeling that 
 I had laid open my heart. With bitter regret that I 'had 
 made so useless a sacrifice, I rose to leave, when he said, 
 
 " I don't think I can do you any good. I have neither 
 time nor inclination to argue with one disposed to unbelief. 
 Indeed, there is no encouragement for you, till you abandon 
 those foolish speculations to which you have given yourself." 
 
 I looked up as if he had struck me. 
 
 " I repeat it, Miss Frazer. Your questionings, as I fear,
 
 160 ESPERANCE. 
 
 spring from an unwomanly ambition to be wise above what 
 is written. Correct this, be willing to take your proper 
 place, and there may possibly be hope for you." 
 
 I could not utter one word, but walked away with a 
 swelling heart, feeling that, when I had asked for bread, he 
 had given me a stone. There it lay on my soul that 
 stifling weight against which I cried out instinctively. For 
 a time I was indignant against Mr. Richardson for his harsh, 
 and, I think, unmerited charge. But at length I consoled 
 myself by reflecting, that between certain minds there are 
 subtle antagonisms which prevent a full comprehension, and 
 which no amount of mutual good will, or labored reasoning, 
 can overcome. And why should it not be thus? If in 
 the world of matter there are chemical substances which 
 refuse to unite, why may there not be impassable gulfs 
 between one soul and another? 
 
 There was a young lady of Ironton, a Miss Helen "Ware, 
 whom I had met once or twice in company, and to whom I 
 had felt instinctively attracted. But she had shortly after 
 left town, so that we had formed but little acquaintance. 
 
 One morning, a few weeks after my call at the parsonage, 
 I went out for a solitary stroll. Nature was full of buoyancy 
 and brightness, but not one of her glad voices reached my 
 heart. Wandering into the primeval forest, I found a place 
 of deep seclusion. As I gazed upwards into the topmost 
 branches of those regal trees, I thought how near they were 
 to heaven, how far removed was I. Should I ever be any 
 nearer? I threw myself on the grass, and buried my face in 
 my hands. Suddenly I heard footsteps, and raising my 
 head, Helen Ware stood before me. She started as she came 
 upon me in my solitude.
 
 ESPERANCE. "^9 161 
 
 *"%** 
 " Miss Frazer, I believe." ' '&^ 
 
 I simply bowed. 
 
 " I trust I am not an intruder ; " and then, in a gentle 
 voice, as if asking a favor, " may I take a seat in your 
 hermitage ? " 
 
 " I have no right to exclude any one, but I recommend 
 you to seek more agreeable company." 
 
 " I shall make the most of your permission," said she, 
 seating herself beside me, " for there must be some affinity 
 between us to draw us both to this spot." 
 
 " The same kind of affinity that there is between bitter 
 and sweet, I presume," answered I, a little sharply, "or 
 between the polar and the tropical climes." 
 
 " A union of which may be better than either alone. So 
 you see I am not to be repelled." 
 
 Then reaching up, she broke off a blossoming branch, 
 playfully adding, 
 
 " Shall I crown you, Miss Frazer?" 
 
 " With thorns, if it is to have any significance." 
 
 " Nay, for there is One who has worn a crown of thorns, 
 that he might win for us a crown of rejoicing." 
 
 " Not for me." 
 
 " And why not, dear Miss Frazer?" 
 
 " Because," said I, moved by one of my sudden impulses, 
 " there is no help for me on earth, or in heaven." 
 
 " Ask and ye shall receive." 
 
 Gradually she had drawn nearer, and now she put her 
 arm round me. Involuntarily I laid my head on her 
 shoulder, while the tears began to drop. She said nothing, 
 but let me weep in silence. 
 
 We had not been together long, before her gentle hand 
 14*
 
 162 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 lifted the veil from my sorrowing heart. There was no wall 
 between s, not so much as the shadow of one. Intui 
 tively she divined my meaning, even before the thought or 
 feeling was half expressed. And her words, so low and ten 
 der, fell on me with the most soothing influence. There, 
 under the trees, we sat and talked till my heart was knit to 
 hers. And when we parted, I went home with the feeling 
 that I had gained a friend.
 
 ESPEBANCE. 163 
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 How vividly does the image of Helen Ware rise before 
 me, with that sweet Madonna face, lighted up by the softest 
 hazel eyes ! She had strangely stirred my wayward nature. 
 But it was not by her external loveliness, in striking contrast 
 with that of the bewitching Ednah, who was my ideal of 
 superb beauty. There was a subduing influence about her, 
 which it cost me some study to account for. She was a 
 true, pure-minded woman, with 'lofty aims. Yet this was 
 not the secret of her spell. It was a wonderful power of 
 appreciation and of sympathy, which fitted her to be a com 
 forting angel. She wore a mantle of charity broad enough 
 to inwrap the meanest and most miserable of her fellow- 
 beings. But her general kindliness did not interfere with her 
 particular friendships. In that respect she met all my de 
 sires, and that is saying not a little for so ardent and exclu 
 sive a nature as mine. 
 
 I soon found that Helen had early been put to school to 
 that cross-grained dame, Sorrow. Indeed, one would know 
 this instinctively. Without some such experience, the rich 
 minor chords, so essential to the highest harmony of the 
 soul, must inevitably be wanting. But in her, those sweeter, 
 softer tones came out so fully as to indicate that she had 
 experienced some great adversity. 
 
 I had promised to spend the coming Saturday with my
 
 164 ESPERANCE. 
 
 new friend. And, after a good deal of parleying with my 
 self, I concluded to open my heart still more fully ; which I 
 found easier than I anticipated. I told her how utterly all 
 my purposes had failed, and how I had become convinced 
 that, for all the good I had so strenuously attempted, my 
 motives were wholly selfish. I also added, that God seemed 
 to me a hard Master, exacting of miserable human nature 
 what it was impossible to render. 
 
 Tenderly pressing my hand, 
 
 " You are not cold and indifferent, as you imagine, dear 
 Hope. On the contrary, you feel intensely. But, in some 
 way, I think you misconceive the character of God. And 
 you will never gain light or peace by dwelling on the terrors 
 of the law, or by dissecting your own emotions. Have you 
 read Isaac Taylor's ' Natural History of Enthusiasm ' ? " 
 
 I shook my head. 
 
 " Then you must let me give you some extracts." 
 
 Leaving the room, she soon returned with the book, from 
 which she read aloud several passages, which went straight 
 to my heart. Some of these I cannot forbear copying. 
 
 " There are anatomists of piety who destroy all the fresh 
 ness and vigor of faith, and hope, and charity, by immuring 
 themselves night and day in the infected atmosphere of their 
 own bosoms. Let a man of warm heart, who is happily 
 surrounded with the dear objects of the social affections, try 
 the effect of a parallel practice ; let him institute anxious 
 scrutinies of his feelings towards those whom, hitherto, he 
 has believed himself to regard with unfeigned love ; let 
 him use in these inquiries all the fine distinctions of a casuist, 
 and all the profound analyses of a metaphysician, and spend 
 hours daily in pulling asunder every complex emotion of
 
 EBPEBANCB. 165 
 
 tenderness that has given grace to the domestic life ; and 
 moreover, let him journalize these examinations, and note 
 particularly, and with the scrupulosity of an accomptant, 
 how much of the mass of his kindly sentiments he has 
 ascertained to consist of genuine love, and how much was 
 selfishness in disguise ; and let him, from time to time, sol 
 emnly resolve to be, in future, more disinterested and less 
 hypocritical in his affection towards his family. What, at 
 the end of a year, would be the result of such a process ? 
 What, but a wretched debility and dejection of the heart, 
 and a strangeness and a sadness of the manners, and a sus 
 pension of the native expressions and ready offices of zealous 
 affection ? 
 
 " If the heart be a dungeon of foul and vaporous poisons, 
 if it be a cage of unclean birds, * * * let the vault of 
 damp and dark impurity be thrown open to the purifying gales 
 of heaven, and to the bright shining of the sun ; so shall the 
 hated occupants leave their haunts, and the noxious exhala 
 tions be exhausted, and the death-chills be expelled." 
 
 As Helen read, I listened with almost breathless interest. 
 When she closed the book, I remained silent. 
 
 " Our Lord has no pleasure in self-torture, dear Hope. 
 But it seems to me you make your cross an intolerable bur 
 den, and then lash yourself because you sink under it. Your 
 duties are distasteful, because performed upon compulsion. 
 Is it not so ? " 
 
 " It may be." 
 
 She continued earnestly, 
 
 " You do God injustice in believing that your discomforts 
 and self-inflicted penances can give him pleasure. What 
 doth he ' require of thee. but to do justly, and to love mercy,
 
 166 ESPERANCE. 
 
 and to walk humbly with thy God ' ? Can you not take him 
 at his word ? ' He will not break the bruised reed, nor 
 quench the smoking flax.' " 
 
 I could only falter out, " My way is very dark ; help me 
 to understand myself." 
 
 " It is not light, but love, you need, my dear friend. I 
 wish you would take into your heart the tender promises of 
 God, in all their richness and extent." 
 
 As she continued, I began to see how useless had been my 
 most earnest efforts, how wasted my self-introspection, 
 how barren all my years in His sight who " measures life 
 by love." But this very consciousness only increased my dark 
 ness and discouragement ; for what could insure me against 
 a similar failure in the future? So I could only answer, 
 
 " I cannot see my way. The state you describe is as far 
 off from me as the serene depths of ether, to which I look 
 up despairingly." 
 
 In a low voice, she repeated those touching words of 
 Scripture, 
 
 " ' He was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised 
 for our iniquities, and with his stripes we are healed.' 
 ' Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down 
 his life for us.' Ah, Hope ! here is love the infinite God 
 assuming our nature, that he might come near to us, and, 
 reconciling us to himself, win us back from sin and ruin, to 
 holiness and heaven. In this ineffable mystery of the Incar 
 nation is infolded our redemption. You have been striving 
 to purify and perfect yourself. Can you not commit your 
 soul to Him who is able to cleanse it from all sin ? " 
 
 " He is so glorious that I cannot freely approach him." 
 
 " But he is infinitely tender in his sympathy. ' For we
 
 E8PEBANCE. 167 
 
 have not a High Priest who cannot be touched with the 
 feeling of our infirmities, but was in all points tempted like 
 as we are.' Will you not trust him? " 
 
 " I will try." 
 
 " God bless you, my dear sister, and make you to know 
 his love which passeth knowledge." 
 
 The day which I spent with my friend formed one of those 
 crises to which the soul ever looks back. Her desire to do 
 me good was not, I presume, any more sincere than that of 
 Mr. Richardson. But she had met my difficulties with a 
 more intimate knowledge of the heart, and with a tenderer 
 sympathy, if not a diviner skill. And I think her labor was 
 not altogether in vain. The hard, stony soil had been before 
 ploughed in deep furrows, and in them, as I trust, were now 
 scattered a few seeds of that supernal plant, blossoming so 
 richly in her own life.
 
 168 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 ONE evening, as I was leaving the dining-room, after tea, 
 Mr. Northrup met me at the door, 
 
 " Miss Frazer, I have been waiting to beg a song from 
 you. I hope you will not refuse me, for it is an age since I 
 have had that pleasure." 
 
 Without better reasons than any I might offer, I could not 
 well decline. So, as I had stood sufficiently long upon my 
 dignity to relieve him from the necessity of irksome civili 
 ties, I yielded, and went into the parlor. After I had played 
 and sung a few pieces, I rose to go. 
 
 " Miss Frazer," asked he, with his old playfulness, " why 
 are you afraid of me ? " 
 
 "Afraid of you!" I. echoed, with some anger, I doubt 
 not, in my tone. 
 
 " Well, anything to get at the truth. I have made up my 
 mind not to be repelled by you any longer." 
 
 " Indeed ! " 
 
 " I will endure all your mocking words and tones till I 
 have finished, but you must hear me. For a long time we 
 were good friends. I was not conscious of doing anything 
 to displease you, or of persecuting you with my attentions, 
 but took the liberty to treat you with the freedom of a friend. 
 Something, however, has come between us."' 
 
 " Very complaisant, truly ! So you cannot conceive of a
 
 ESPEEANCE. 169 
 
 lady's falling out with you, or being wearied of your com 
 pany ! " 
 
 "I cannot conceive that Miss Frazer is one to treat a 
 friend capriciously or unjustly." 
 
 " You may have been mistaken in her." 
 
 *' Why do you persist in treating me. thus? If I were su 
 ing for your hand, and were unpleasantly urgent, you might 
 deem me presumptuous, and scorn me, if you chose. But 
 surely it is little that I ask only that the natural intercourse 
 between associate teachers may continue as it was in the be 
 ginning." 
 
 How humiliated I felt to have these words thrown at me 
 thus ! For a moment I was unable to reply, and he con 
 tinued : 
 
 " Even a rejected lover you treat with more favor than 
 you do me ; though I am utterly unconscious of having lost 
 my claim to your friendship." 
 
 "What do you mean?" 
 
 " Just what I say. But I don't intend to take offence, so 
 you had better reserve your indignation for some less amiable 
 person. Indeed, what possible use is there in our quarrel 
 ling, Miss Frazer? If you will convict me of any naughty 
 deeds, I will ask pardon. And more than that, I am gener 
 ous enough to forgive, unsolicited, all your disdainful treat 
 ment. Now, please answer me honestly. Has this affair 
 been a mere woman's caprice ? Or has any one made mis 
 chief between us? Or, again, have you really anything 
 against me ? " And he looked at me earnestly. 
 
 Feeling that I could no longer evade the question, I deter 
 mined to deal with him frankly. 
 
 " I have nothing against you, Mr. Northrup ; but I heard 
 15
 
 170 ESPERANCE. 
 
 that your friendly attentions were dictated by compassion, 
 and as such, I scorned to receive them." 
 
 " 'Twas she ! 'twas that meddlesome old Betts, who is as 
 false as her hair," replied he, with a good-natured laugh. 
 
 I was annoyed at the coolness with which he said this, but 
 could not. deny his inference. 
 
 " I understand all. Now let us shake hands and be 
 friends." 
 
 I struggled down my tingling pride. It was, in his case, 
 an open, hearty good will, without the smallest shade of sen 
 timent ; whereas, my friendship for him, like my few other 
 friendships, was strongly tinged with romance. 
 
 " Is all made up? " asked he, looking at me with an arch 
 expression. 
 
 " All, so far as I am concerned," replied I, carelessly. 
 
 " Then will you come back to your old seat at the table?" 
 
 " I prefer to rerfiain where I am," I tartly made answer, 
 glad of a chance to thwart him in something. 
 
 " So you really prefer Mr. Benedict's vicinage to mine," 
 commented he, with provoking indifference. " Well, he cer 
 tainly need not despair." 
 
 Thus the old manner of things again came about between 
 us. We returned to our Greek, and in one way and another, 
 were thrown much together. To set myself more at ease, I 
 dropped the slightly confidential air, which formerly had sto 
 len between us, and took pains to exhibit my native perverse- 
 ness. I contradicted him ; I treated him to badinage and 
 ridicule ; I often refused his requests ; and was in every way 
 captious and unreasonable. Thus I met indifference with in 
 difference, protecting myself against him with a barricade of 
 bristling words. But what was my surprise when I found
 
 ESPEBANCE. 171 
 
 that by this instinctive warfare I was making undesigned 
 aggressions upon my neighbor's territory. 
 
 In the course of three months our positions were respec 
 tively changed, though I think Mr. Northrup was hardly 
 conscious of it. But my saucy tongue had won me some 
 victories which did more to cure my self-distrust than would 
 Avhole days of argument. I could not shut my eyes to the 
 fact that my influence with my fellow-teacher was daily in 
 creasing. 
 
 As the weeks flew away, this game between two hearts 
 made rapid progress. There came to be an eager lighting 
 of Mr. Northrup's eye, and a quick flushing of his cheek, 
 which I could not well misunderstand. Judging him as I did, 
 I ought instantly to have changed my mode of treatment. 
 But, mingled with a certain feeling of dissatisfaction and 
 anxiety, was also a strange content. Affection was the 
 thing I most coveted. It would be soon enough to de 
 termine whether I should reject it, when it was offered 
 me. In the mean time, I would sun myself in this pleas 
 ant friendship. Thus speciously did I shut the mouth of 
 reason. 
 
 I think Helen Ware began to feel a little solicitude, though 
 she said nothing. It was a subject on which I could not 
 speak, and perhaps she felt that interference would do no ' 
 good. In love, as in other matters, every one prefers to 
 acquire wisdom for himself, at whatever cost. 
 
 My twentieth birthday ! How Mr. Northrup ascertained 
 this, I cannot say, but I was surprised, after our Greek read 
 ing the evening before, to hear him ask, 
 
 " Did you know I had taken the liberty to give the school 
 a holiday to-morrow ? "
 
 172 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 "But why take a holiday this warm weather, when -you 
 can't make any use of.it?" 
 
 " Do you suppose I know nothing about your red-letter 
 days ? I have been presuming enough to order a horse and 
 carriage, relying on your granting me a favor on which 
 I have set my heart." 
 
 " What may that be, Mr. Presumption? " 
 
 " The pleasure of taking you to Greenwood Pond." 
 
 " I have a great mind to do no such thing." 
 
 " But I am sure you will not disappoint me," said he, with 
 a beseeching look. 
 
 " No gentleman has any business to engage a horse for 
 such a purpose till he knows the lady's mind. But since you 
 have done so, I recommend you to invite Miss Betts." 
 
 " Do not mock me, Miss Frazer," said he, with an angry 
 flush. " Unless you go with me, of course I shall not go 
 at all." 
 
 " Then, to save your credit at the livery stable, I will go." 
 
 " And not in the least to please yourself, or me ? I pray 
 you, do not keep me on such spare diet, but drop a gracious 
 word, once in a month, at farthest." 
 
 " You get as much grace as you deserve." 
 
 " That may be, but from you I crave more. At what hour 
 shall we start ? " 
 
 " I will be amiable, and leave that to you." 
 
 " It will be cooler and pleasanter riding before the dew is 
 off the grass. "Will you think me crazy if I propose to leave 
 before breakfast at six o'clock ? " 
 
 " At six, then, let it be ; but now good night, for I have a 
 call to make." 
 
 " May I not accompany you ? "
 
 ESPEBANCE. 173 
 
 * , .': 
 
 " No, thank you." 
 
 Mr. Northrup's room was above mine, and I could hear 
 him walking back and forth to a late hour. But for all that, 
 he was up at five, for I caught his quick step. At the ap 
 pointed time, I heard a carriage drive up. Then a slight tap 
 at my door, and I was escorted down stairs. While he was 
 adjusting the harness, I jumped in. 
 
 " You always cheat me thus, but I hope to be revenged 
 some day. But look up at that front window, slily." 
 
 I cast my eye towards Miss Betts' window, and there 
 stood the veritable lady, peeping at us through her blinds. 
 She had not the smallest idea that we could see her, or she, 
 of all persons, would never have stood there in her robe de 
 soir, and without her wig. After Mr. Northrup had taken 
 his seat, he looked up, and roguishly raising his hat, made 
 one of his most graceful bows, whereat she instantly dodged, 
 and we saw her no more. 
 
 " Now, Jupiter," said my companion to his spirited horse, 
 " we will shortly be out of the highway ; " and putting him 
 to a rapid trot, we were soon on the forest road, when the 
 reins were slackened. 
 
 What a superb morning that was ! And with what charm 
 ing coquetry did the gay sunbeams peep through the leafy 
 branches of those magnificent old trees, lighting up the gems 
 that night had heaped upon them into a splendor of beauty. 
 We rode more and more slowJy. At length I took hold of 
 the reins, and stopping the horse, was out before Mr. 
 Northrup had any idea of what I was doing. In a moment 
 he was beside me. 
 
 " I must stand here and gaze up through these trees." 
 
 " Always self-sufficient, never willing to depend on another, 
 15*
 
 174 ESPEEANCE. 
 
 what would you do, Miss Frazer, if you should sprain 
 your ankle ? " 
 
 " Let you wait upon rne to your heart's content." 
 
 " I could almost wish then " 
 
 " Is not this enchanting? " I broke in. 
 
 He looked pleased with my enjoyment, but as if not quite 
 satisfied. 
 
 " I think I have never before delighted in nature as I have 
 this summer," I remarked. 
 
 " I have noticed the improvement in your spirits, but have 
 attributed some of it and I have no doubt correctly to 
 your pleasure in tormenting me." 
 
 " You are right there, and I hope to have a great deal 
 more such pleasure." 
 
 " Now admit honestly, was not that, after all, your chief 
 inducement for accepting my invitation ? " 
 
 " What if it was ? I don't intend to be disappointed." 
 
 " But have you then no spot of tenderness in your heart? " 
 asked he, with a searching glance. 
 
 " I challenge you to find any," answered I, composedly 
 meeting his gaze. 
 
 He sighed, and was silent for a moment, but presently 
 resumed, 
 
 " I suppose you know there are other pleasant places 
 awaiting our presence." 
 
 "Then I will go at once ; " and declining his offered hand, 
 I got back into the carriage. 
 
 At length we reached Lindenville, Avhere we stopped for 
 breakfast at a charming house, kept for the entertainment of 
 those who came to visit the pond. What a pleasant meal 
 that was ! The cosy table with its snowy cloth, the hot
 
 E8PEEANCE. 175 
 
 muffins, the nice eggs boiled to perfection, and the delicious 
 coffee, which I told the maid to place on the tablfe in the 
 urn, every thing is still vividly before me. 
 
 " Will you walk or ride to the pond? " 
 
 "Walk, to be sure ; " and we were soon on our way. 
 
 We rambled on like children, running after butterflies, and 
 stopping to gather flowers, with which we merrily pelted one 
 another. But play as we might, the road was at length 
 travelled over, and we stood on the borders- of Greenwood 
 Pond. Then we amused ourselves with skipping stones, and 
 watching the eddying circles they made. When tired of 
 this, we sat under the spreading trees, and gazed at the 
 placid waters. Leaving me a moment, Mr. Northrup re 
 turned with a forget-me-not. 
 
 " Will you be gracious enough," said he, playfully bending 
 his knee, " to accept my flower and grant its petition? " 
 
 "Neither," replied I, carelessly tearing it to pieces. " I 
 have no faith in vows of everlasting remembrance." 
 
 "You have no heart, I verily believe," exclaimed he, with 
 an air of vexation, presently adding, " but have you then no 
 faith in me f " 
 
 " Faith in your good intentions, much ; but in your ever 
 lasting remembrance, not a bit of it." 
 
 " And are you absolutely determined " 
 
 " I am absolutely determined to secure that lily," said I, 
 interrupting him. 
 
 Running down to the water, I stepped on a log, and 
 was trying to reach the lily, when my foot slipped. Mr. 
 Northrup, who had not moved since I left him, now sprang, 
 but too late to prevent my falling. That was the last thing 
 I remembered.
 
 176 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 WHEN I became conscious, I found myself lying on the 
 grass, while my knight was drenching my forehead with a 
 wet handkerchief. His face was full of concern as he bent 
 over me. , 
 
 "What is it?" asked I; but attempting to rise, the pain 
 in my ankle soon brought everything to my recollection. 
 
 Faint as I was, I could not help smiling as I recalled our 
 morning conversation. I saw that he thought of it also ? but 
 was too generous to note his advantage. 
 
 " Now, the next question is, what am I to do ? " 
 
 " I don't see but you will have to wait upon me," said I, 
 trying to submit cheerfully to what was inevitable. 
 
 His eye lighted with pleasure, but in a moment he became 
 grave. 
 
 " If I could only relieve your suffering ankle and make 
 you comfortable. But to take you home now, and lose all 
 this anticipated enjoyment ! " 
 
 "Nonsense! Do you take me for so poor a heroine? 
 You noticed that little house where we turned in. If you 
 will go there and beg some arnica, or laudanum, and a strip 
 of flannel, all will be right. Fortunately, you insisted on 
 taking my large shawl." 
 
 He returned sooner than I expected, bringing what I had 
 named, and a pair of pillows besides, so that he was able to
 
 ESPERANCE. 177 
 
 make me quite a comfortable couch on the sloping lawn. I 
 hardly know Avhy I dwell on these particulars, and yet it is 
 natural, I suppose. The slight pain I had endured, together 
 with my sense of dependence, must have softened my words 
 and tones, or else my time had come. 
 
 Having done everything he could think of for my comfort, 
 even to the plucking of the identical lily I had so vainly 
 sought, Mr. Northrup seated himself on the grass beside me. 
 Then stole in one of those strange silences we all have 
 known. 
 
 I can scarcely tell how it happened. But, opposed as my 
 judgment had been to his suit, I was not in the mood longer 
 to resist him. There were certain magnetic passages be 
 tween our eyes, when he whispered, " Forever?" 
 
 And I answered, " Forever." 
 
 After a brief silence, "I fear I am not so sorry about 
 your sprain as I ought to be." 
 
 " You don't look very sorry." 
 
 " How can I ? But I should really like to know how long 
 the siege would have lasted, but for your misfortune, which 
 is my good fortune." 
 
 " I might never have surrendered." 
 
 " "Well, now that you belong to me, I suppose I may call 
 you Hope, without fear of your displeasure." 
 
 " You can make the trial if you choose. But at home, I 
 was often called Esperance, and sometimes Espy." 
 
 " Then I shall experiment with that, dear Esperance, for I 
 like it much. But, do you know," added he playfully, 
 " what I thought of your face when I first saw you ? " 
 
 " Oh, yes, I know very well. Do you suppose I have for-
 
 178 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 gotten daring you to the encounter the evening of my arrival, 
 or your ill-concealed look of disappointment ? But of course 
 you think me a beauty now." 
 
 "Well yes this very minute, I do think exactly so. 
 You have been growing less plain in rny eyes till I had 
 ceased to think anything about it, natural worshipper of 
 beauty as I am. But to-day now you are really " 
 
 " All in your eyes." 
 
 " It is not in my eyes. Independent of everything, you 
 are at this present moment " 
 
 " Nay, not independent of love," again interrupting him. 
 
 I got a forfeit for that speech, and then he went on with 
 his flatteries, which, I must admit, were not at all. unpala 
 table. 
 
 " Now," said I at length, " we have both been dreaming. 
 But it is time to wake up, and behave like reasonable peda 
 gogues as we are. What would our scholars what would 
 Miss Brimblecum and Miss Betts say to this scene ? " 
 
 " Truly ; and what would friend Benedict say?" 
 
 " They must not have a chance to say anything, for you 
 must get me h^he as fast as you can." 
 
 " It is only half past two, and it will be better to reach our 
 boarding-house when it is nearer twilight. So do grant me 
 another hour." 
 
 " Agreed, if we can spend the time in returning to com 
 mon life." 
 
 " Very well. And since I have spoken of my first impres 
 sions, I have a claim to know yours." 
 
 " Do you really wish to know them?" 
 
 " Certainly, provided you think well enough of me now." 
 
 "Better than you deserve, I fear." Here he put his hand
 
 ESPERANC.E. 179 
 
 over my mouth. " I have read you as a true gentleman, of 
 noble and generous impulses, but as wanting in depth and 
 stability, and therefore not one to be unhesitatingly relied on. 
 Shall I proceed?" 
 
 " Of course," replied he, looking rather hurt. 
 
 " Not if it pains you." 
 
 " I prefer you would ; so please go on." 
 
 " Some considerable love of approbation, with a good 
 measure of self-assurance amiability let me see 
 what else?" 
 
 " And what must I think of Miss Frazer, to trust herself 
 with such a character ? " 
 
 " Think that she has her weaknesses, as well as you ; that 
 she has all along resisted your attractions, and repelled you 
 to the utmost of her power ; but that, with a woman's gen 
 uine inconsistency, she now gives herself to you, heart and 
 soul, and in spite of her former opinion, puts entire faith in 
 you." 
 
 " You shall never repent your confidence, dear Hope." 
 
 " But will you always feel as now? " 
 
 " Always, dearest." 
 
 "But suppose I should grow uglier than I was in your 
 eyes when we first met?" 
 
 " You could not look ugly to me." 
 
 "And blind?" 
 
 " I would be eyes to you. But Heaven forbid such a mis 
 fortune ! " 
 
 "And deaf?" 
 
 " I would find some way of communion." 
 
 " But suppose a younger, fairer face should come in your 
 way?"
 
 180 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 " No face could attract me from you." 
 
 " But, Walter, what do you love me for?" 
 
 " Because, to begin with, I cannot help it. Then I have 
 felt that I could rely implicitly upon you. I am forced to 
 admit that your opinion of me is not incorrect. I am, by 
 nature, changeable and irresolute. Your decision of charac 
 ter first surprised me as a new experience of woman ; then, 
 it interested me ; and, at last, I came to feel that it was just 
 what I needed as a complement to my own nature. But I 
 did not argue thus till I found myself in love. I cannot tell 
 how it happened, for it was a result contrary to all my expec 
 tations. I am not worthy of you ; but, such as I am, dear 
 Esperance, take me, and make me as much better as you 
 can. You shall be my good angel." 
 
 " May God help us both, and may we never wander from 
 him!" 
 
 " Amen ! " and there was another sweet silence.
 
 ESPEEANCE. 181 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 THE hour had passed, and again the question came, how 
 was I to be moved ? After some consultation, it was con 
 cluded that Walter should go to the little house near by, and 
 send some one for the carriage. 
 
 The ride being at length safely accomplished, my hero 
 assisted me to my own room. Further, he took upon him 
 self all the explanations and arrangements, procuring a little 
 girl expressly to wait upon me. In the course of the next 
 day, I sent her out with the following note : 
 
 " DEAR HELEN : A great wonder has happened. Every 
 thing ,is rose-color, and life bounds joyously in my veins. 
 Can you not guess why ? I am sure you can. 
 
 My beloved Helen, dearer this moment than ever, I am 
 unworthy of this great boon. And yet I have a feeling that 
 you may not be satisfied ; that you may think, as I did until 
 yesterday, that we are unsuited to one another. I have long 
 resisted what, it seems, is my destiny, fearing that Mr. 
 Northrup for of course you know it must be he was too 
 much of a surface-man, that he was not capable of so pas 
 sionate and exclusive an affection as I felt to be necessary ; 
 in short, that he was not strong enough to support and guide 
 so impulsive and wayward a being. But I have changed 
 my mind, though I cannot explain why. And what is the 
 16
 
 182 ESPERANCE. 
 
 use of reasoning? He has wooed and he has won ; and, 
 Heaven helping me, he shall never regret it. I will not deny 
 that I have moments of sadness. I should not be 7, if it 
 were not so ; and indeed, is not sorrow always more or less 
 remotely allied to joy ? Yet, notwithstanding such moments, 
 I am only too happy in loving and being beloved. And if 
 you knew what clouds had hung over all my life, you would 
 not wonder that this happiness has something of exultation 
 in it. 
 
 But I have not told you of my sprained ankle, which had 
 no small share in what has come to pass, and which will 
 confine me prisoner for some days. My company is claimed 
 this evening, but I shall expect you without fail to-morrow. 
 
 Now, I can heartily subscribe myself 
 
 ESPEBANCE." 
 
 " DEAR FRIEND : I rejoice immeasurably in your joy, 
 and pray that, through your happiness, many may be made 
 happy. If I have had an impression that Mr. Northrup was 
 not suited to you, I waive it all, and yield to your judgment. 
 Besides, I really know him but little. 
 
 My heart breathes the earnest wish that you may be happy 
 in each other, happier in doing good together, and happiest 
 in the love of God. 
 
 Faithfully, 
 
 Your HELEN." 
 
 
 What delightful days were those of my confinement ! To 
 be sure, Miss Brimblecum was rather crabbed, evidently not 
 liking the aspect of affairs ; and Miss Betts, who liked it 
 still less, bridled and giggled, and " guessed she knew one or
 
 ESPERANCE. 183 
 
 two tilings," and, by sundry dark hints and surmisings, 
 seemed endeavoring to dash iny happiness. But in vain. 
 
 Helen came in almost every day, and entered with her 
 usual unselfish interest into all my feelings and plans. But 
 the evenings those Elysian evenings ! How I watched for 
 his step on his return from school ! And when I heard him 
 lightly climbing the stairs, sometimes two at a time, how 
 strangely were the throbs of my heart multiplied ! I would 
 listen to that rapid step above my head till it descended 
 again ; then a light tap, and he was kneeling at my couch 
 with some offering of fruits, or flowers which exhaled 
 fragrance as a censer its perfume. But it was the fra 
 grance of the love that gave them which wrapped me in 
 silent joy. 
 
 In those days, when my heart went out towards every 
 thing, I thought of my sainted mother and my sweet Ada. 
 And then I thought of my father, towards whom I had so 
 long cherished an unforgiving spirit. After all, he was my 
 father ; and did I owe him no filial treatmen^ ? I pondered 
 long as to what was my duty in the case, and finally resolved 
 to consult Helen. To no human being had I ever told my 
 history, nor did I now intend to do it. But by stating a few 
 general facts, I thought I might secure her opinion. 
 
 The next time she came, I opened the subject. I told her 
 that my father was proud and reserved, and that, in an ex 
 cited mood, I had several times forgotten what was due to a 
 parent, and had so conducted as to bring upon me his dis 
 pleasure. Nor did I conceal the fact, that I had met his 
 severity with a resentment and defiance, which had never 
 wholly died out of my heart. After a long conversation, she 
 advised me to write to my father, fully acknowledging every-
 
 184 ESPBJtANCE. 
 
 thing that had been wrong on my part, and then to ask for 
 giveness, and beg for his affection. 
 
 " But I have reason to suppose that any such communica 
 tion may only displease him." 
 
 " Then you will have done all that you can now do, and 
 must leave the rest with God. But I am sure you will be 
 happier for having taken such a step ; and that if, uncon 
 sciously, a little of the old leaven is still hidden in your soul, 
 there is no better process for purging it out." 
 
 " I have no doubt there is plenty of such leaven. It has 
 always been very hard for me to bear with any measure of 
 injustice." 
 
 " It is one of the hardest lessons for any of us, dear Hope. 
 But there is One, on whom injustice and indignity of every 
 sort were heaped, who is our tender Helper, and who can 
 instil into us his own forgiving spirit." 
 
 " I fear my letter may appear as if constrained by a sense 
 of duty." 
 
 " The only way to avoid that," replied she, smiling, " is to 
 have the heart just right, and then let it overflow. And 
 you know as well as I, that to become right, it must be 
 bathed in the fulness of divine love, so that it shall regard 
 even unlovely characters with tender interest and affection." 
 
 I had a long struggle with myself that night ; but my 
 earnest cries were heard, and I was enabled to obtain the 
 victory over that resentful spirit which I had so long in 
 dulged, and to rejoice in a new baptism of love a love 
 which could embrace even him who had most injured me. 
 
 After many unsuccessful attempts, I succeeded in writing 
 to my father, adding at the close of my letter that some time, 
 if agreeable to him, I should be happy to visit home. I con-
 
 ESPERANCE. 185 
 
 sidered it doubtful whether I should have any reply, but it 
 was not long before I received the following : 
 
 "Your letter arrived in due season. As you have come 
 to a sense of your mistakes, I am quite willing to forgive 
 you. I may have been unduly severe, but of that I will not 
 now speak, except to say that I was deceived when I charged 
 you with being untruthful. 
 
 " Your aunt Drummond, with whom Joy has been stay 
 ing for more than a year, is dead, and Joy has returned 
 home, but it is not the place for her. Horatio, I am sorry 
 to tell you, has been expelled from college. 
 
 " I will only add, come home as soon as you please, and 
 stay as long as you feel inclined. Let me know beforehand, 
 and John shall meet you." 
 
 I shrank from speaking to Mr. Northrup of this corre 
 spondence, though I at once made known the plans I formed 
 in consequence. I could not disregard the voice which told 
 me I ought to visit home. At the end of the school-year 
 "Walter was to leave teaching, and complete his law studies. 
 I had been solicited to fill his place, and, after talking it 
 over, concluded to do so. But we both felt that it would be 
 best for me to take the next summer for my journey and 
 visit. 
 
 " I will come on in August," said Walter, " and we will 
 spend a month in travelling, returning by way of Canada and 
 Niagara. And some time before you leave, we must go down 
 the Mississippi to St. Louis. But I shall be widowed indeed 
 without you." 
 
 " You will learn to appreciate my great value." 
 16*
 
 186 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 " True, but at an expense which I cannot willingly incur. 
 However, I will try to imitate your bravery. And, besides, 
 there are long months of enjoyment before we need think of 
 separation." 
 
 It seemed to me that old Tempus must have taken to him 
 self a new pair of wings to have "fugited" so rapidly as 
 he did. Certainly, the long winter days melted away like 
 snow-flakes in the sun. Nor was it strange, for we were in 
 the sunniest clime on earth the clime of Love, whose skies 
 are always fair, and its verdure bright. So I found myself 
 borne onward into the future, long before I had done with 
 the joyous present. If any misgivings as to my betrothal 
 stole over me, I arraigned them as traitors, and sentenced 
 them to immediate execution. My own Walter ! it was un 
 grateful to doubt his steadfastness or his worth !
 
 ESPERANCE. 187 
 
 CHAPTER XXYI. 
 
 ON a certain balmy morning, in the month of June, we 
 took the steamer which passes Ironton on its way to St. 
 Louis. Finding a quiet corner on deck, we secured posses 
 sion of it. 
 
 " It is like a dream to be here," said I to "Walter. " From 
 my childhood, I have longed to sail on the broad bosom of 
 this Father of "Waters. In one respect, however, I am agree 
 ably disappointed. I used to hear of the muddy Mississippi, 
 but I have seen nothing to give significance to that name ; on 
 the contrary, its waters are clear and placid." 
 
 " Wait till you have passed Alton, before you make up 
 your mind." 
 
 "We soon fell into silence. My thoughts were of our ap 
 proaching separation, and yet they were not so sad as to 
 prevent my deep happiness in the present. Suddenly "Walter 
 broke the lull. 
 
 " What would become of me, Esperance, if you should 
 prove unfaithful?" 
 
 "I unfaithful! " 
 
 " I don't suppose there is any danger, and yet " 
 
 " You have some fears, perhaps, as to your own con 
 stancy." 
 
 " Pray, spare your sarcasm ; you know my heart." 
 
 " In all its windings ? "
 
 188 ESPERANCE. 
 
 " I have concealed nothing," replied he, with a little vexa 
 tion in his tone. " Do you begin to repent your trust in me ?" 
 
 " Not in the least, Walter. And no one but yourself can 
 ever induce me to distrust you. But look ! " 
 
 We were nearing the junction ; and it was to me a re 
 markable spectacle. The Mississippi was flowing on in 
 tranquil majesty and purity, when the boiling, turbid Mis 
 souri approached it. Then ensued a strange and desperate 
 contest. The smoothly flowing stream at first withstood 
 the fierce onset of the swift, infuriated waters, gentle, 
 transparent eddies resisting raging and impure gurges. But, 
 after a time, the latter caught the former in their mad sweep, 
 and whirled them round and round, till at length they were 
 swallowed up in one vast, foul, and furious whirlpool, when 
 they rolled on in dark wedlock, a turbid, wrathful, and gi 
 gantic flood. Not a word had been spoken as we watched 
 the strange phenomenon ; but now Walter asked, 
 
 " Why do you sigh so profoundly? " 
 
 " I did it unconsciously ; but that is a sight of mournful 
 interest." 
 
 " Moralizing, as usual, my little preacher. But why is it 
 a mournful sight ? " 
 
 " Because it symbolizes the conflict between right and 
 wrong, purity and impurity. And I am sad that the latter 
 should get so easy and complete a victory. Look ! There 
 is not the smallest resistance now. The Mississippi rolls 
 along with its great, filthy burden, just as contentedly as if it 
 had never known anything better." 
 
 " You must not scandalize this glorious river, or you will 
 draw down vengeance upon your head. Why, it is the very 
 Thor of these Western people. And its muddy water is de 
 lightful to their taste."
 
 ESPEEANCB. 189 
 
 " You don't mean that they drink it." 
 
 " Certainly I do, and with downright gusto. And why 
 should they not ? It is as pleasant a drink as the far-famed 
 and equally turbid waters of the Nile. And as to that,- you 
 know there is a saying among the Mohammedans, that if 
 their prophet had but tasted them, he would have asked of 
 God immortality upon the earth, that he might drink of them 
 forever." 
 
 " "Well, I can believe anything after such a story." 
 
 " I will order you the delicious draught, if you like." 
 
 " Never," said I, shaking my head in disgust. 
 
 " All association, Esperance." 
 
 Our point of destination was St. Louis. So we disem 
 barked at the landing, and taking a carriage, drove up over 
 the noble quays into the thriving city, where we made several 
 detours for the sake of passing through the- principal streets. 
 At length we reached the hotel where we were to dine. 
 Alighting, Walter gave me his arm, and we were ushered 
 into a private parlor. I untied my bonnet and threw myself 
 into a comfortable chair. Walter went to the door with the 
 servant, who soon appeared with a tray, containing a large 
 glass pitcher of what I judged to be iced-lemonade. Walter 
 filled a goblet, and, being quite thirsty, I was not long in 
 emptying it. 
 
 " Allow me," said he, lifting the pitcher to refill it. I 
 gave him the glass, remarking, 
 
 " It is not lemonade, as I thought ; but a still pleasanter 
 drink. What is it?" 
 
 " Sandarony," replied he, with the utmost gravity, touch 
 ing his glass to mine, while he added, "To your health, Miss 
 Frazer."
 
 190 ESPERANCE. 
 
 " As I was leisurely sipping it, he looked at me with a de 
 cidedly mischievous expression." 
 
 " What makes you look so wicked?" 
 
 " Oh, nothing ; only I am glad you find the muddy Missis 
 sippi so charming a drink." 
 
 I instantly set down my goblet, making a wry face, while 
 Walter laughed at me without mercy. But in spite of all 
 my faces, I am obliged to report myself as being beguiled by 
 that naughty man into drinking of that same muddy water 
 with my dinner. 
 
 In the afternoon, we visited some of the public buildings, 
 and, among them, the Roman Catholic Institution, with its 
 fine library. A priest a Jesuit, as I believe did the hon 
 ors. He was an old man of such urbanity and kindness, 
 that I ventured to assail him with questions. He answered 
 them with marked courtesy, and, when we left, made several 
 bows, expressing his assured hope of seeing me again. 
 
 " The good man thinks he has half converted you." 
 
 " It would take the whole college of cardinals, and the 
 pope in the bargain, to do that." 
 
 " But you often express a peculiar interest in certain 
 things connected with Romanism." 
 
 *' Oh, yes ! I should like to worship in a solemn, old cathe 
 dral, with its dim, religious light, and its grand orchestral 
 music. And I am fond of a ritual. In certain moods, our 
 simple Congregational service seems rather barren. And I 
 do not wonder that those who are brought up in the Episco 
 pal church, become strongly attached to its forms and ob 
 servances. But a great, dead, cumbersome machinery, a 
 splendid body with no soul, such as I have supposed the 
 Romanist system to be, it would take something little 
 short of a miracle to make me a convert to that."
 
 ESPERANCE. 191 
 
 "Yet Thomas a" Kempis and Madame Gnyon are favorites 
 with you." 
 
 " To be sure they are. Who can help loving such spirits, 
 by whatever name they are called ? " 
 
 " I, on the contrary, must own to the feeling that Madame 
 Guyon was fanatical, if not insane." 
 
 " I wish such insanity was multiplied a hundred fold. 
 But nowadays, there is such a noisy pressure of external 
 duties, that the still voice of the Spirit is often drowned." 
 
 " You are an enthusiast, dear Espy. I almost wonder you 
 were never impelled to take the veil, and spend your days in 
 some cloistered shade." 
 
 " Oh, but I believe in work, too. However, if I were a 
 Roman Catholic, I have no doubt my vocation would be a 
 convent-life." . 
 
 " And mine, then, to scale the wall, and persuade you 
 back to life and love." 
 
 Thus we chatted as we walked down to the landing, and 
 found our morning's corner upon deck. The next day I was 
 to start for the East, and as I sat there, fancy strove to con 
 struct a bridge between our parting and our next meeting. 
 Walter, too. was unusually taciturn, so that at length I felt 
 it incumbent on me to break the silence. 
 
 " Could anything be more delightful than this brilliant 
 sunset on the water?" 
 
 " One thing only the re-union after our separation." 
 
 " Oh, but that is a great fall. In plain view of such a 
 glorious spectacle, it is treason to think of ourselves." 
 
 " But my heart is full of you, dear Espy. I know not 
 how to let you go. You cannot imagine how miserably 
 weak I am without you."
 
 192 ESPERANCE. 
 
 " Nonsense ! If you are weak, what is to become of me ? " 
 
 " You are strong enough to stand alone. You were made 
 expressly for a heroine. And " 
 
 " You are a lucky man to have secured so inestimable a 
 prize ? Was that what you intended to say ? " 
 
 " Do not speak in mockery now." 
 
 And looking up, I saw a tender mist over his eyes. The 
 contagion seized me, but for his sake I controlled my emotion, 
 and laying my hand on his arm, I said cheerfully, 
 
 " We will be faithful to each other, Walter, and God will 
 bless our love."
 
 ESPE RANGE. 193 
 
 , CHAPTER XXVII. 
 
 I HAD not been an hour in the home of my childhood, 
 before I saw that a great change had taken place. My 
 father, who had met me, not affectionately, as I had hoped, 
 but very courteously, looked considerably, older and more 
 care-worn than when I last saw him. Ednah was beautiful 
 as ever ; but an unyielding, defiant air had taken the place of 
 that bewitching softness I so well remembered. She was 
 barely civil. Joy was out when I arrived, but returned in 
 the evening, appearing on my vision a very dream of loveli 
 ness. Petite, slender, and buoyant, a head that moved with 
 a bird-like motion,- soft violet eyes, a complexion which, at 
 the risk of being termed sentimental, I shall liken to rose 
 leaves crushed on ivory, with lips that looked as if made on 
 purpose to be kissed. This witching picture was set in a 
 frame of rippling, golden hair. What this fair casket held, 
 I had yet to determine. But I was glad to discover that Joy 
 was quite favorably disposed towards her long absent sister. 
 
 It seemed to me that no effort or sacrifice would be too 
 great if I could only prove a blessing to my father's family. 
 But my past miserable failures had taught me my own weak 
 ness and want of wisdom, and often, during those days, did 
 I lift up my heart to heaven for guidance. I think God 
 helped me, for my father treated me with more and more 
 confidence. And, to my great surprise, he proposed that Joy 
 17
 
 194 ESPERANCE. 
 
 should return with me, and attend the Seminary at Ironton, 
 
 a proposition with which my sister seemed quite pleased. 
 Under the circumstances, I did not care to invite Mr. 
 
 Northrup to my home. So it was arranged that he should 
 meet me at Fairfield, my sister joining us afterwards at 
 Saratoga. 
 
 The morning I left, my father sent for me into the library. 
 As I entered, he met me with a bill of a large amount in his 
 hand, saying, 
 
 " I hope your unwillingness to receive anything from your 
 father has passed away." 
 
 " My salary is ample enough for all my wants ; and as it 
 is so, I trust you will excuse my love of independence. 
 Besides, I shall one of these days be drawing on you for a 
 trousseau" 
 
 His face darkened, and I continued, " But with all my in 
 dependence, whenever I can be any comfort to you, I will 
 leave everything and come home." 
 
 " If you are too proud to receive a small favor from me, I 
 certainly shall never send for you." 
 
 " Then I yield." 
 
 As I took the bill, I ventured to press his hand to my lips 
 
 the first token of filial affection I ever remembered to 
 have given him. I fancied he was moved, though he said 
 nothing. 
 
 From the library I proceeded to Ednah's private parlor, 
 the place of so many varied associations, and which I had 
 not entered since I so fatally displeased her. 
 
 " Ednah', I have taken the liberty to come here to say 
 good-by. If I have wronged you in anything, forgive me, 
 and let us part in peace."
 
 ESPERANCE. 195 
 
 " It is I who have been wrong ; but my destiny was upon 
 me. I am miserable, and am plunging into still deeper 
 misery." 
 
 " Dear Ednah, it is not too late to begin a new life, and 
 God will help you." 
 
 "Don't speak that name," she exclaimed fiercely; 
 " It is too late, Espy. My doom cannot be averted. Your 
 father I loathe him." , 
 
 " I ought not to hear this, dear Ednah, but my heart is 
 full of tenderness and pity for you. I implore you not to 
 yield to temptation. May God forgive and bless you." 
 
 She clasped me for one moment in her arms, then turned 
 away, and I left her. 
 
 The stage stopped at the Fairfield Hotel, and in a moment 
 those laughing eyes, now brimful of joy, met mine. Why 
 should I ever have feared for him ? 
 
 "You precious little Hope," said he, hurrying me into the 
 parlor. Then lifting up my face, he gazed at me steadily. 
 
 " It seems to me you are a trifle thinner. I do believe 
 you have been pining for me." 
 
 He thereupon began a series of demonstrations. 
 
 " Be quiet, you savage man, or you will spoil my new 
 cottage straw." 
 
 " Take it off, then, and let me come nearer." 
 
 And without waiting, he untied it, and drew me close 
 beside him. 
 
 "Am I not faithful and trustworthy, and all that? And 
 aren't you glad you concluded to confide in me ? " 
 
 " You haven't been through fire and water yet, so I can't 
 tell how you would endure the trial."
 
 196 ESPERANCE. 
 
 " Nonsense ! you little infidel. Now do comfort me by 
 saying that you are delighted to see my face." 
 
 " You must discover that for yourself." 
 
 " Look straight at me then, so that I can gaze down into 
 those depths. Well, that is a satisfactory answer." 
 
 In a few days we reached Saratoga. I had told Walter 
 about my little sister, who was to be with us the next day. 
 
 " I fear she will come between us, and engross your 
 time. And, after such a dearth of your society, I want a 
 monopoly." 
 
 " That is a naughty selfishness. Besides, Joy is only a 
 child, and will not interfere with our enjoyment." 
 
 At the expected time my sister arrived. Walter, as he 
 afterwards told me, was silent from amazement, saying that 
 he had prepared himself to see a little girl of ten or twelve. 
 
 " She is but fifteen," I replied, " and I always think of 
 her as a child." 
 
 After a week or two at Saratoga, we started in the stage 
 coach for the North, being joined in our excursion by Mr. 
 and Mrs. Mordecai, a Jewish gentleman and lady, and 
 a gallant young Southron, Benjamin Nelson by name. We 
 were a merry company, and contrived most thoroughly to 
 spice our enjoyment of the country through which we passed. 
 We took an early supper at Glenn's Falls, and then left for 
 Lake George. A heavy thunder shower came up suddenly, 
 which so terrified Joy that it took both Walter and myself to 
 quiet her. We stopped for a transient refuge at the sign of 
 " The Golden Ball," where the gentlemen made an arch for 
 us of umbrellas, thus gallanting us to the house. There, for 
 the lack of chairs, we sat on cider-barrels and boxes an 
 odd-looking group.
 
 ESPEBANCE. 197 
 
 X 
 
 As there seemed no prospect of cessation from showers, 
 and our quarters were uncomfortable, we soon returned to the 
 coach, and rode leisurely through the forests. There was 
 just enough of obscurity to give that indefiniteness of view 
 which affords so fine a play for the imagination. We revelled 
 in the enchantment produced by the soft light reflected from 
 our (must I say it ?) lanterns, causing the drops of rain 
 on the dark green foliage to glitter like so many jewels. 
 The shadowy openings into the woods, with their rich 
 canopy of glistening branches, seemed like bowers of the 
 wood-nymphs. But, beautiful as this was, we were not sorry 
 to arrive at Caldwell, on Lake George. 
 
 The next morning, on looking from my windows, I found 
 that the village was as fresh and blooming as if spring had 
 just flung over it her bridal attire. After breakfast we strolled 
 through the place, coming down finally to the shores of the 
 lake, where we all got into a sail-boat. Young Nelson 
 devoted himself to my sister, while Walter and I sat together, 
 looking down into the crystal waters, in which Avere mir 
 rored the surrounding lofty hills. 
 
 " This is indeed a beautiful lake," said Walter. " Our 
 landlord tells me it is thirty or forty feet deep ; and yet, look 
 at that yellow, glistening sand on its bottom. I think it 
 should retain its Indian name, Horicon, or Silver Water." 
 
 " I like the name of Lac Sacrement, also. And I hardly 
 wonder at the Catholics having used it at the Eucharist 
 instead of wine." 
 
 We had but one day for Lake George, and the next morn 
 ing were awaked at four, to take passage in the Mountaineer 
 for Ticonderoga, Avhere we were duly thrilled with patriotic 
 emotions. We found Mr. and Mrs. Mordecai agreeable 
 17*
 
 198 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 fellow-travellers, while our chivalrous Southron abounded in 
 all manner of fun. He was evidently charmed with Joy's 
 lovely face, and, naturally enough, had become her constant 
 attendant. I felt a little disturbed, and the more so, when 
 Walter asked me if I observed the admiring glances which 
 the young stranger bestowed on her. 
 
 " I cannot let this go on," said I. 
 
 " But how can you help it? " 
 
 " I see no way but for us to be self-sacrificing, and part 
 company for a time. You must take charge of my little Joy, 
 and Nelson will have to content himself with me." 
 
 "But, dear Espy " 
 
 "You must make no objection. I was anticipating too 
 much from this journey, and must bear my disappointment 
 patiently. It won't do, either, for my sister to be regretting 
 Nelson's company ; so you must make yourself as agree 
 able as possible." 
 
 " And, in return for my self-denial, will you promise me 
 an hour's recompense every evening ? " 
 
 " I dare not promise. We must forget ourselves, and take 
 our chance for enjoyment." 
 
 The next day Walter commenced with his new programme. 
 Joy was evidently surprised, and not over pleased. But 
 Walter exerted himself, and I soon had the relief of seeing 
 her satisfied with the exchange. Indeed, how could she help 
 liking him ? 
 
 Nelson saw through our ruse, as he told me a few days 
 after. 
 
 "I dare say you were wise," said he, "that is, if you 
 were bound to dispel the enchantment. For, on my word, I 
 was getting enamoured. But pray, what objection have you 
 tome?" .
 
 ESPERANCE. 199 
 
 " Not the smallest. But two such children as you and 
 Joy ought not to enter on such a game these many years." 
 
 " What a Minerva you are ! " replied he, giving me an 
 amused look. " But I wonder how Mr. Northrup could obey 
 you. I declare I have almost ceased to regret that bewitch 
 ing face, you make yourself so entertaining. If I were only 
 a little older, I do believe I could fall in love with you." 
 
 " You might do a worse thing, Mr. Nelson. It would be 
 an admirable idea to secure such an experienced friend and 
 wise counsellor as I. Just consider."
 
 200 ESPERANCE. 
 
 \ 
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII. 
 
 WE were now on Lake Champlain, that mirror of poetry 
 and beauty. But I could not talk romance with Nelson, for 
 he had not a particle of sentiment about him. So I chatted 
 gayly, admiring in silence whenever I could get a chance. 
 
 From St. John's to La Prairie and beyond, the roads were 
 wretched, while the rain poured in torrents. The side cur 
 tains were down, but through the window on the middle seat, 
 Nelson caught glimpses of the barren country, as we were 
 whirled, or rather jerked, from one ditch to another. He 
 glowingly described the miserable shanties, as if they were 
 superb mansions, pretending to be in raptures with the 
 curious faces he saw peering out of the windows. Especially 
 did he expatiate upon the merits of a large waste of moor 
 land, entitling it "her majesty's royal park." 
 
 On reaching Montreal, we mounted caleches, and made a 
 grand debut into the city, driving through mud and mire till 
 we brought up on the square, in front of Goodenough's hotel. 
 
 That same evening I was sitting in an alcove in the parlor, 
 rather weary and dispirited. For some reason, I was not in 
 the mood for joining the merry group gathered around the 
 table, among whom Walter's clear laugh was distinguishable. 
 
 "Where is Miss Frazer? " at length asked Nelson. 
 
 "To be sure, where is she?" repeated Walter, glancing 
 round the room.
 
 ESPEBANCE. 201 
 
 " There she is, in that alcove, half concealed by the 
 drapery," said Nelson. 
 
 As I saw Walter approaching, I left my retreat. 
 
 " You look weary," observed Nelson, kindly. 
 
 " I am so, and think I had better seek for rest in some 
 more quiet spot. So good night to you all." 
 
 I had no sooner left the room than I felt a hand on my 
 shoulder. 
 
 " You look sad, Esperance. Have I displeased you?" 
 
 " I am tired," replied I, coldly. " Please let me pass." 
 
 " I cannot, till you have answered my question. I have a 
 right to know if I have offended you." 
 
 As I continued silent, Walter looked so troubled that I 
 relented. He saw the change, and leading me into a little 
 ante-room, made me sit down beside him. 
 
 " Are you displeased because I comply with your request, 
 and endeavor to be agreeable to your sister ? " 
 
 " Certainly not. On the contrary, I feel under great obli 
 gations." 
 
 " What is the matter, then? " 
 
 " I have told you. I am tired, and my head aches." 
 
 " We should both have been happier," said he, in a half 
 tender, half reproachful tone, " if you had left your sister at 
 home. You see she does come between us, as I feared. This 
 way of living really saddens me." 
 
 Seeing that he was sincere, I put aside my own feelings of 
 discomfort, not to say of injury, and responded frankly, 
 
 " It saddens me too, Walter." 
 
 Clasping my cold hands in his, he exclaimed, 
 
 " Give yourself to me for a few days at least. You would 
 not hesitate could you read my whole soul. I need you, I 
 must have you, dear Espy ; " and tears stood in his eyes.
 
 202 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 I was surprised, for I had never seen Jiim in such a mood. 
 But his sorrowful clinging to me went straight to my heart, 
 and banished every feeling of distrust and coldness. 
 
 " Hope," said he, after a few minutes' silence, " I am un 
 worthy of you ; but do not, I beg you, let any one come be 
 tween us again. It makes me miserable. 
 
 " But I have often heard your gay laugh, and thought you 
 in unusual spirits." 
 
 "You were mistaken, however. I have had no peace 
 since I left your side." 
 
 As I went to my room that night, the load was lifted from 
 my heart. Joy was asleep, her golden hair rippling over 
 her shoulders down the snowy pillow, and a bright flush on 
 her cheek. I softly kissed the fair sleeper, and commending 
 myself and those I loved to Heaven, I lay down beside her. 
 
 But not to sleep. Was he then so covetous of my exclu 
 sive affection ? It was plainly not my duty to send him from 
 my side just now. 
 
 " Do you feel better?" asked Joy, as she opened her eyes 
 the next morning. 
 
 I had been sitting by a window, leaning on my elbow, 
 while my hair fell round my face. Her question roused me, 
 and I replied, though with an absent mind, 
 
 " Yes, I believe so." 
 
 Then, moving to the side of the bed, I bent over her till 
 my jet-black locks blended with those sunny waves of hers, 
 forming as great a contrast as existed between her buoyant, 
 careless nature, and my earnest, brooding one. 
 
 "What makes your eyes shine so, Esperance? Ah, I 
 know. You sat a long time with Mr. Northrup last night." 
 
 " I will not deny it, darling."
 
 ESPEBANCE. 203 
 
 " Sometimes you are so gloomy, and then again in such 
 fine spirits ! And for a day or two, Mr. Northrup has seemed 
 quite depressed. I wonder if I shall ever be in love?" 
 
 And those violet eyes had an unquiet look, as if already 
 disturbed with some prescience of the tempest-god. 
 
 " Do you suppose I shall have lovers?" 
 
 " Yes, dear Joy, for beauty always wins hearts ; but re 
 member, my pretty sister, that it is only goodness that retains 
 them." 
 
 " He is almost my brother," she suddenly exclaimed, " and 
 I will call him Walter." 
 
 "I had rather you would not, for he is not your brother 
 yet, and you are but a child." 
 
 " A child, am I ? " And she pouted, and tossed back her 
 curls ; then, in a changed voice, " Well, I shall tell him what 
 you say, and that he need not treat me so formally." 
 
 " Any way to suit yourself. But take care, or you will 
 be late for breakfast." 
 
 That morning we walked through some of the principal 
 streets, and visited the Sceurs Noires and the Hotel Dieu, 
 and then went into the chapel connected with the latter. 
 
 I had indulged in many dreams about young and graceful 
 nuns, robed in innocence and white, and must own to some 
 thing of a shock when a long procession of old women, 
 dressed in coarse gray bombazet, and some of them suffi 
 ciently ugly, passed in file before me, chanting their Ave 
 Marias. 
 
 In the afternoon, while Mr. and Mrs. Mordecai were vis 
 iting some of their Jewish friends, Mr. Evans, an acquaint 
 ance of young Nelson's father, took us out for a drive. This 
 was quite to our advantage, for he was able to give us many
 
 204 ESPERANCE. 
 
 items of information about the place. From him we learned 
 that, as early as the middle of the sixteenth century, a reli 
 gious association was organized in France for the express 
 purpose of colonizing the Island of Montreal, or Mount 
 Royal, as it was then called, and that the king ceded it Avith 
 this intent. The superior of the Jesuits consecrated the 
 spot selected for the city, and it was at first named La Ville 
 Marie, in honor of the virgin mother. The whole of this 
 delightful domain, the " garden of Canada," soon came into 
 possession of the St. Sulpicians of Paris, and was by them 
 conveyed to the seminary of their order established at Mon 
 treal. When Great Britain made the conquest of Canada, 
 the property and revenues of the seigniories, and the estates 
 connected with the religious institutions, were guaranteed to 
 the possessors. . 
 
 It was a charming landscape that was spread out before 
 us as we drove round the mountain ; the priests' gardens, 
 the very choicest of the land, and under the richest cultiva 
 tion ; the mountains in the distance softened in the purple 
 haze that lay upon them ; the St. Lawrence, with its myriad 
 isles of witchery and romance ; and then, adding beauty by 
 variety, the city with its lofty spires, and its plated roofs 
 glistening in the sunlight. 
 
 On Sunday we went to the church of Notre Dame. The 
 gentlemen were obliged to go into the galleries, while we 
 mesdames followed the beadle in his uniform through one of 
 the many aisles of this vast cathedral. After what seemed 
 an interminable walk, we were bestowed in one of the front 
 pews, with a fine view of the altar before us. There was so 
 much to bewilder in the grand tout ensemble, that it was some 
 time before I could take a deliberate survey of anything.
 
 ESPEBANCE. 205 
 
 As I gazed round the building, lifting my eyes to its triple 
 rows of galleries, and looking across from one end to the 
 other, it seemed to me that more than half the people col 
 lected were children an illusion owing to the immense size 
 of the church. 
 
 There was much to interest in the service, and, with many, 
 there was an appearance of devotion. But what a contrast 
 was the whole to the simple worship of the primitive church ! 
 " And is it necessary," I said to myself, " to interpose all this 
 gorgeous ceremonial these vain traditions of men be 
 tween the sinning soul and its Redeemer? Nay, let me 
 come near to Him, as did Mary Magdalene, and bathe his 
 feet with my repenting tears. And let me hear not my 
 absolution pronounced by an erring mortal like myself, but 
 those blessed words from his own divine lips, ' Go in peace ; 
 thy sins are forgiven thee.' " 
 18
 
 206 ESPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 ON leaving Montreal, our faces were turned towards Niag 
 ara. For some time we made frequent exchanges from the 
 stage-coach to the steamboat, and then Hack again, but 
 either way of travelling had its attractions. 
 
 After riding for some time, I suddenly missed my large 
 shawl, which event procured me many expressions of regret. 
 
 " You shall have my overcoat as a substitute," said 
 Walter. 
 
 A moment after, our gallant Southron was missing, nor 
 did we see him till we were about embarking in the Great 
 Britain, when he suddenly reappeared, waving aloft my 
 missing shawl. After tea, when the young people were col 
 lected for a dance upon deck, I quietly withdrew to a little 
 distance, and gazed at the long wake of the vessel. 
 
 When we came upon Lake Ontario, I felt almost as if we 
 were on the boundless ocean. The evenings, especially, were 
 charming. 
 
 " Blue rolled the watef s, blue the sky 
 Spread like an ocean hung on high, 
 Bespangled with those isles of light, 
 So wildly, spiritually bright. 
 Who ever gazed upon them shining, 
 And turned to earth without repining, 
 Nor longed for wings to flee away, 
 And mix with their ethereal ray ? "
 
 ESPERANCE. 207 
 
 In answer to this last poetical question, I suppose I ought 
 to except lovers. At that time, certainly, I had no wish for 
 wings on which to soar from earth. 
 
 " I am so tired ! " exclaimed Joy, as we began to climb 
 Brock's Monument, having landed at Queenstown for the 
 purpose. 
 
 And she threw herself down, as if completely wearied out. 
 Although Nelson was with her, yet Walter sprang forward, 
 and then, as suddenly, arrested himself. 
 
 " You had better not try to ascend any farther," said I, 
 " and I will stop with you." 
 
 " No, you shall go on, Hope," interposed "Walter, " and I 
 will remain." 
 
 " Thank you, but I am determined to go up, if I have to 
 creep. I must reach the top." 
 
 " Then, Walter, you can go the other side and assist her. 
 I am stronger than she, and can manage alone." 
 
 " Do you wish it?" asked he, with some hesitation. 
 
 " Certainly I do." 
 
 As he stooped to help her rise, Nelson stood still for a 
 moment, but, impelled by his chivalric feeling, at length 
 said, 
 
 " Mr. Northrup, I presume, is stronger than I, and can 
 give all the support you need. And as to you, Miss Frazer, 
 you must condescend to accept my help, for you shall not 
 stir alone." 
 
 And he gave me his arm. 
 
 " Then," said Joy, " you had better pass on, for we shall 
 not move as rapidly as you." 
 
 So, as she hung confidingly on Walter's arm, we passed
 
 208 ESPERANOE. 
 
 them in silence. And I caught his low voice, " Lean en 
 tirely on me, Joy." And as, even then, she seemed unable 
 to climb, he proposed her resting a few minutes. Nelson ex 
 erted himself to be agreeable, and, to show my appreciation 
 of his efforts, I laughed and talked gayly. On reaching the 
 summit, I sank down, more weary in mind than body. Cast 
 ing my eye from those heights, I saw the twain still slowly 
 ascending. To render the more assistance, Walter had 
 thrown his arm round her, and was, at that moment, looking 
 down into the fair face leaning against his shoulder. At 
 length they gained the summit. When he had seated Joy, 
 he said to me, 
 
 " Your sister is completely exhausted. What can we do 
 for her?" 
 
 " We will improvise a couch on these seats," replied I, 
 trying to forget my own fatigue. 
 
 So we prepared a place, and Walter tenderly assisted her 
 there. 
 
 The next moment he turned away, and seemed to be 
 gazing down those heights. Soon he came to me, and, with 
 an assiduous air, inquired, 
 
 " Are you not tired, Espy ? " 
 
 " Not in the least. I belong to that tribe of women called 
 Amazons, who need no assistance." 
 
 He gave me a keen glance, as he said, 
 
 "But Mr. Nelson " 
 
 " Oh, yes. I had help enough. I was only speaking of 
 my capability." 
 
 On our descent we found a boat ready to ferry us over to 
 Lewiston. That deep ravine, and those precipices hanging 
 over the water, clothed to their summits with green, made a
 
 ESPERANCE. 209 
 
 fine spectacle for those who had eyes to enjoy it. "We had 
 been told that at this place we should take the " new green 
 coach." But we soon found that it was designed to beguile 
 us into another. Against this, Nelson stubbornly protested." 
 In vain did the landlord tell him there was another coach 
 about to start, which would go empty unless we were willing 
 to make the exchange. 
 
 " But," said Nelson, pointing to the rear of the hotel, 
 " that is the renowned green coach of which I have heard 
 so much." 
 
 The landlord could not deny it. 
 
 " And it is the best on the line." 
 
 Nor could he deny that. 
 
 " And," continued Nelson, with one of his most winning 
 smiles, " I always think the best is good enough for me. 
 Now, if you love me, you will wish me to ride in that green 
 coach, whose fame is so illustrious." 
 
 Mine host was fairly flattered into compliance, and, with 
 alacrity, put us in speedy possession of the coveted green 
 coach. 
 
 From the time of our leaving the monument, Walter had 
 been all devotion to me. And I gave myself up to anticipa 
 tions of delight in the wonderful spectacle we were approach 
 ing. "We passed an Indian encampment, and caught sight 
 of tall, shadowy figures moving round the fire they had 
 kindled. But I felt such an eagerness to behold Niagara, 
 that I had little concern for other sights. 
 
 It was night when we reached the hotel ; and as it was 
 
 cloudy as well as late, there seemed no alternative but to be 
 
 quiet till morning. "With what impatience did I raise my 
 
 curtains at early dawn, and gaze upon the rapids, dashing 
 
 18*
 
 210 ESPERANCE. 
 
 onward to the glorious leap ! After breakfast we started 
 Walter and I first, then Nelson and Joy, and behind them 
 Mr. and Mrs. Mordecai. I seemed treading on air. On we 
 went, in search of the chainless flood. Soon we were on the 
 extremity of Terrapin Bridge, at that time hanging just over 
 the boiling gulf. As I stood there, the visible universe 
 faded from my thoughts, and God and eternity filled my 
 whole being. Every fibre quivered ; every nerve was on fire ; 
 every feeling was aroused and blended in one overpowering 
 emotion, subsiding at length into a solemn sadness. Then 
 came that strange impulse to fling myself down the thunder 
 ing abyss. Glorious Niagara ! Yet 
 
 " What art thou to Him 
 Who poured thee from his hollow hand, 
 And hung his bow upon thy awful front ? " 
 
 Ay! while the waters beneath, maddened by their frantic 
 leap, lash and foam in wild fury, there, serenely arched 
 above them, hangs God's eternal bow its unshorn beams 
 stretching away into a misty glory. 
 
 As I stood with that voice of God resounding in my 
 ear, how did the pomp and circumstance of life, its din 
 and turmoil, its vain pursuits and bitter strifes, fade into 
 nothingness ! 
 
 Beauty everywhere in that vicinity is strangely mingled 
 with the sublime and awful. Blooming along the path 
 spring up sweet flowers of every tint, not only in the 
 Arcadian groves, but piercing the crags, and growing on the 
 very brink of the mighty cataract an august home, truly, 
 for the birth and cradling of such delicate creations ! 
 
 As we were wandering about, there came a familiar sum-
 
 ESPERANCE. 211 
 
 rnons, and all our grand scenery, with its attendant raptures, 
 was exchanged for a substantial dinner, and its attendant 
 satisfaction. After this necessary business was accomplished, 
 we recorded our names in the book kept for the purpose, 
 Avhile one of our company read aloud the following lines, 
 which had just been written in the same book : 
 
 " Dash on in thunder dash eternal flood :. 
 
 My soul would spring to meet thy spirit-form, 
 - And share the grandeur of thy revelry ! 
 But may I dare to claim thy fellowship ? 
 Niagara ! I feel my nothingness ! 
 When he who gazes on thee now, shall sleep 
 Where not the thunders of thy voice may break 
 His rest, thou wilt, in thy magnificent, 
 Unbroken march, roll on the same the same ; 
 Thy form unchanged thy voice as when it 
 Mingled with the choir that sang Time's birth, 4 
 When the Almighty God first struck the lyre, 
 And the grand chorus of created worlds 
 Began their song. 
 
 Thou form sublime ! 
 The Spirit of Eternity alone 
 May claim thy brotherhood ! His voice is heard 
 In thine. His banner in thy rainbow waves ! 
 His mantle in thy drapery floats ! 
 Unchanging form unceasing roar 
 Niagara ! what art thou ? 
 
 Spray Thunder Foam ! 
 
 The breath the voice the robes of God ! " 
 
 The signature appended to this poem, was F. Lopdarl, an 
 acquaintance, as it proved, of Nelson, and a fresh graduate 
 from college. Nelson soon found him, and we had the pleas-
 
 212 ESPERANCE. 
 
 ure of an introduction, and a pleasant chat with the young 
 poet. He told us he was expecting to leave the next day, 
 but would be happy to attach himself to our party for the 
 afternoon if we would allow it, which accession was cor 
 dially welcomed. 
 
 While Walter was lounging, as he was fond of doing at 
 this time of day, I strolled off by myself for an hour's soli 
 tary enjoyment. When I returned, Mr. Lopdarl was in the 
 parlor, and all the company were ready to undertake the 
 various exploits expected of travellers. Of course, we could 
 not be content till we were half drowned, and had wholly 
 lost our breath in the far-famed Cave of the Winds. Then 
 we crossed the Ferry at the foot of the Falls, in the Maid of 
 the Mist a regular witch, as she proved herself. Dis 
 guised in rubber garments, so that we looked like a company 
 of Esquimaux ; dripping with the spray that enveloped us 
 in thick clouds ; running up and down the deck as if half 
 crazed ; catching hold of strangers whom we mistook for 
 those of our own party, and dragging them along to behold 
 some newly discovered wonder, while quaint snatches of 
 rhyme from our young poet, iind shouts of admiration and 
 laughter, were strangely spiced with innumerable gay and 
 solemn interjections, running from the lowest base all along 
 through the gamut up to the shrillest treble ; we presented 
 a merry and grotesque masquerade that would well befit the 
 maddest carnival Rome ever witnessed. I never saw 
 Walter in finer spirits. Several times, when his masked 
 figure was approaching, I took him for a stranger, till some 
 sign or token, well understood in our freemasonry, taught 
 me my error. 
 
 We returned to our hotel, completely tired out. And
 
 ESPERANCE. 213 
 
 after supper our company dispersed, most of them professing 
 themselves unable to sit up another minute. But Walter 
 would not suffer my departure. So we strolled out till we 
 found a rock that accommodated us both. 
 
 " Has it been a happy day to you, Esperance ? " 
 
 "It could not have been richer in enjoyment." 
 
 "And which part of it have you found the most pleas 
 ant ? " asked he, \yith an arch look into my face. 
 
 " It is rather difficult to decide." 
 
 " Your eyes belie your answer." 
 
 " Read for yourself then." 
 
 " I do, and am proud of my influence." 
 
 " Pride goeth before destruction, you know." 
 
 " There is no danger of such a catastrophe when I am 
 with you." 
 
 "But when away " 
 
 " You must not let me be away. You are my pole-star, 
 and when out of sight, there is no predicting what may 
 happen." 
 
 He must have seen a shade settle on my face, for instantly 
 there came, to silence my doubts, a series of arguments that 
 I could not resist. And then " we tore oursels asunder." 
 
 " Only for the night," I said, to reassure myself, as an 
 ugly, flitting doubt passed over me. 
 
 To shame it away, I brought face to face with it Walter's 
 passionate tenderness. And warming my shivering heart in 
 the glow of these sweet recollections, I soon fell into a sound 
 and tranquil slumber.
 
 214 ESPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XXX. 
 
 NOT long after breakfast, Joy suddenly appeared, her 
 golden hair straying down beneath her gypsy hat, and her 
 cheeks flushed and dimpling with loveliness. She ran directly 
 to Walter, saying, 
 
 " I have been walking all alone." 
 
 " Alone ! How could you? " 
 
 "Because I wanted to be independent, like Espy. But 
 dear me ! I met ever so many gentlemen, and they stared at 
 me till I got frightened." 
 
 " No wonder they stared. I should have been likely 
 to do the same myself," replied Walter, with an admiring 
 gaze. 
 
 " Ah, but you could not alarm me ; so I have come back 
 for you to go with me, and keep off all those eyes." 
 
 " But your sister " 
 
 " Hope, won't you spare him to me a little while? " 
 
 " Certainly, as long as you wish." 
 
 " There, she gives you leave." 
 
 He still hesitated ; I saw it plainly. But her persuasive 
 look prevailed, and, with a quick glance at me, he accompa 
 nied her. I hastened to my room, and watched them moving 
 slowly along. Her face was turned up to his, and his bent 
 down to hers, and both of them so handsome ! But Avhat 
 of that? Was their beauty any reason why they should not
 
 ESPERANCE. 215 
 
 look at one another? No ! I was foolish. She was a mere 
 child, and he was my betrothed. How could I doubt him? 
 But while I was reasoning thus with myself, the air grew 
 strangely close. I must go out and inhale the pure breath 
 of heaven. I would ramble by myself to Goat Island ; in 
 those sweet shades I might drink in repose. 
 
 Passing the bridge, I strolled along till I came to a nook, 
 protected from prying eyes by luxuriant foliage. I seated 
 myself on a bank, and, leaning against an old oak, I lifted 
 up my burdened spirit to heaven, asking that the intensity of 
 my nature might be tempered that my inordinate affections 
 might be moderated. 
 
 Suddenly a faint sound of footsteps and of murmuring 
 voices caught my ear. I kept quiet lest I should be dis 
 covered. The sounds grew nearer, till two figures, which I 
 at once recognized, were in sight. 
 
 " Let us stop here," said that voice I knew so well. 
 
 So he placed her on a rustic bench, and then seated him 
 self beside her. I thought of our happy day at Greenwood 
 Pond, and it seemed as if years had passed over my head 
 since then. And yet he wore the same look as when he told 
 his love. O Walter, Walter ! 
 
 Joy tried to untie her hat. 
 
 " Let me ! " 
 
 And his hands (I saw them tremble a.s they did it) 
 loosened the knot, and hung the pretty hat with its flutter 
 ing ribbons on a green bough. Then she threw aside her 
 shawl, and shaking her head, that wealth of hair fell about 
 her face and shoulders like a glittering veil. Was it un 
 manlike that he should be charmed? he, such a wor 
 shipper of beauty, and she, so bent on conquest? I could note
 
 216 ESPERANCE. 
 
 the effect of his admiration in the delicate flush that stole 
 over her cheek. 
 
 "May I?" asked he, lifting those golden threads, and 
 fixing his persuasive eyes on hers. 
 
 He found there no refusal, for he pressed them to his lips. 
 Then she coquettishly snatched them away, saying, 
 
 "You don't deserve that I should be so good to you." 
 
 "What have I done?" 
 
 " Oh, you leave me with Mr. Nelson, when I like you so 
 much better." 
 
 " But do you like me better? " 
 
 " You know it very well, and that, I believe, is the reason 
 why you do so." 
 
 " No, Joy, that is not the reason, as you would know if 
 you had the least discernment." 
 
 "What is it then?" 
 
 " I don't think I ought to tell you." 
 
 " Then I shall be very unhappy." 
 
 " Well, if I must own it," said he in a low voice, " it is 
 because I am afraid of liking you too well." 
 
 " I don't believe a word of it, for when you meet me, you 
 often turn away as if I was an ugly, disagreeable girl." 
 
 "Instead of which," he eagerly replied, "you are the 
 most beautiful creature I ever beheld. Are you satisfied 
 now?" 
 
 " Partly," she replied, her eyes falling beneath his gaze. 
 "But how shall I know it is not all flattery?" 
 
 " O Joy, why did I ever meet you? If " and he stopped. 
 
 " If what?" asked she, timidly lifting her downcast eyes. 
 
 " I must not say it ; but if I could, you would be con 
 vinced that my words are anything but flattery."
 
 ESPERANCE. 217 
 
 " I want to be convinced." 
 
 He shook his head with a gloomy air. 
 
 " Please tell me, Mr. Northrup." And putting her hand 
 on his arm, she looked up in his face. 
 
 " Irresistible tempter ! " exclaimed he, in a half desperate, 
 half melancholy tone. " I have again and again forced back 
 the words, but if you will have them, you must. I was going 
 to say that I could easily convince you I am no flatterer, if I 
 was only at liberty to ask you to be my Joy. There you 
 have it now." 
 
 And he relapsed into a moody silence, while her face was 
 lighted by a smile. She sat for a moment rolling her curls 
 over her fingers, and then, creeping nearer to him, she half 
 whispered, 
 
 " "Why are you not at liberty? " 
 
 " Don't, Joy ; you know nothing of the struggles you 
 have already cost me." And with a shudder he turned 
 from her. 
 
 Putting her hand under his chin, she brought back his face 
 towards her. 
 
 " You see what I dare for you. Indeed, you shan't turn 
 from me so. What have I done ? " 
 
 " You have bewitched me out of my reason." 
 
 He said this so fiercely, that Joy seemed almost terrified. 
 
 " O, Mr. Northrup," she exclaimed, " I can't bear to 
 have you displeased with me." And tears stole to her eyes. 
 
 " What a brute I am ! Your gentle nature is frightened 
 by such vehemence. Forgive me will you not? " 
 
 When I speak of my sister as coquettish, I do not mean 
 that she was essentially artful or deceptive in character. I 
 have not a doubt that Walter had unconsciously inspired her 
 19
 
 218 ESPEEANCE. 
 
 with a real, girlish interest. And selfishly, as I must admit, 
 but thoughtlessly, she had played upon him all her insnaring 
 arts, though with little idea of the agony she was causing to 
 a heart that loved her. 
 
 But this is not telling the story. "What was I saying last? 
 Ah, I remember. Walter asked her forgiveness. And, as 
 her answer, she put her hand into his, and looked kindly into 
 his eyes. Is it strange they glowed upon her as he ex 
 claimed, 
 
 " O Joy, in mercy leave me, or I shall sin still further 
 against my poor Espy." And he covered his face with his 
 hands. 
 
 Should I rush to his rescue ? No ! he must fight his own 
 battles. I could do nothing but wait the issue. 
 
 " I cannot leave you till I have made you happier. Tell 
 me how to comfort you." 
 
 "Alas! what avail my struggles against such a siren? 
 May I be forgiven, but I must this once " 
 
 I saw his perjured lips press hers. And I did not faint or 
 cry, but instead, sat spell-borund, watching every look and 
 movement, listening for every word, every breath. 
 
 The deed was done, and written down in my heart's blood. 
 Then a deep sigh escaped him, and groaning aloud, he 
 exclaimed, 
 
 " O Joy, I have done this I the betrothed of another* 
 And she is noble, and she loves me." 
 
 " And don't I love you ? " 
 
 " But that only increases my misery. For I am bound to 
 her by every law of honor." 
 
 " And have you not just bound yourself to me, who have- 
 never known sorrow ? You wouldn't forsake me ? "
 
 ESPERANCE. 219 
 
 " Alas ! what can I do? I have struggled, as you know ; 
 
 and now you know how vainly. But I have committed a 
 
 great wrong against you, sweet one, against her, and 
 
 , against God. How can I repair it but by returning at once 
 
 to my plighted wife ? " 
 
 The tears were dropping from her eyes. He took her 
 hand, and continued, 
 
 " Sweet one, it would be bliss to have you for my own. 
 But I am not free. We have both wronged your sister. 
 Help me to be strong, to flee from you, to atone to poor 
 Hope." Was not the scorn that raged in my heart hot 
 enough to consume him where he sat? " I have never done 
 a base thing." Ha ! "I cannot -do one now. I will not 
 break my vow, though I may die in giving you up." 
 
 She lifted her drooping face to his, and began to sob. He 
 smoothed her locks, he kissed her forehead oh, so tenderly, 
 and thus toying with temptation, began to hesitate. 
 
 " If I could only honorably free myself! Tell me, precious 
 one, is there any way? " 
 
 " Espy is strong, and does not need you. She can bear 
 suffering better than I ; don't you think so ? " 
 
 " I know she can. And who can say that I ought not to 
 become your protector, and shield you from all unhappi- 
 ness ? " 
 
 " Why don't you, then? " 
 
 " Why don't I? How little iny bird knows of this terrible 
 conflict ! Why don't I ? It is a very serious question, Joy, 
 and must be decided when you are not by to beguile my 
 judgment." 
 
 As her tears again flowed, he gently asked, " Can you 
 not wait till I have time to consider? Will you not 
 trust me?"
 
 220 ESPER A NCE. 
 
 " I am afraid of losing you. I cannot wait." 
 
 " And do you really love me so? That should help my 
 decision, for your heart is too tender to struggle with disap 
 pointment." 
 
 " I shall not let you go till you promise," said she, laying 
 her hand on his. 
 
 "Charming bondage! I may break the other, I never 
 can this. On my bridal day, your face would come between 
 me and her." 
 
 " Promise, then." 
 
 "Promise? Don't you believe that if there is any pos 
 sible way to free myself, I shall discover it? But if I 
 trample on my vows for your sake, what will you do for 
 mine ? " 
 
 " I will be your pet. Will not that be reward enough? " 
 And she looked archly into his face. 
 
 " Ah, you know your power too well. You will be a little 
 tyrant. But how will you pay me now ? " 
 
 " How can I pay you ? " 
 
 " Why, you must love me so and so, and not let me have 
 time to repent." 
 
 And as he rained upon her his fond caresses, the stings of 
 remorse were stifled in the sweets of his fresh sinning. 
 
 " Are you satisfied?" asked Joy, at length. 
 
 " I am satisfied, my darling." 
 
 And I his betrothed heard all. Did I spring out 
 upon them, with reproaches? No, none of this. I only 
 clasped my hands closely over my heart to still its loud 
 throbbings. I only stifled the groans of my lacerated soul, 
 and sat in a silence like that of death. 
 
 How long they lingered there I know not. I only know
 
 ESPERANCE. 221 
 
 that I outsat them. Patiently ? Yes, patient as such agony 
 makes one. And when their passionate tones and words had 
 died out of my ears, and their passionate looks and embraces 
 out of my eyes, not out of my heart, they could never, 
 never die out there ; when ages seemed to have passed since 
 I saw them sitting just in front of me, I lifted myself, veiled 
 my face, and tottered on as best I could. 
 
 Once in my room, I bolted my door, and threw myself 
 not on the bed the floor better suited my mood. And there 
 I lay, with reeling senses, and a brain on fire, while in my 
 trampled and bruised heart were wildly struggling, tender 
 ness and scorn, love and hate, life and death. Oh, the unut 
 terable anguish of those hours, when no tears would come to 
 my burning eyes ! I could only lie there in my pitiful misery 
 and helplessness, while stifled groans were forced from me, 
 which might have moved an enemy, could he have known 
 from what depths they were wrung. 
 
 The slow-moving hours tolled a mournful requiem, as the 
 long procession of stricken hopes and joys were borne on 
 ward to their death and burial. And I the victim 
 turned executioner. Gathering them all together, my own 
 hand kindled the fire which consumed them to a smouldering 
 heap. And I the bereft the sole mourner I dug the 
 grave, and with trembling, but not unheroic hands, en 
 tombed the happy past my one dream of love. 
 19*
 
 222 ESPERANCE 
 
 CHAPTER XXXI. 
 
 NIGHT had departed, hiding in her faithful bosom my 
 fearful secret. Allowing no time for vain regrets, I girded 
 myself for what remained. 
 
 It was a lovely morning, so they all said, though to 
 me the skies wore a leaden hue. After repeatedly bathing 
 my eyes to efface all signs of my vigils, I stood before the 
 mirror, and began to arrange my hair. I did it with un 
 usual care, intent on what would be most becoming. 
 Woman-like, was it not? But I had a triumph to win, 
 and must make the most of what goes so far good looks. 
 I felt a sort of pity for myself when I observed my wan face. 
 But a certain thought brought a faint tinge to my cheeks, 
 and a light to my dimmed eyes, which I did not note without 
 satisfaction. 
 
 Descending to the parlor, I gave a careless good morning, 
 first to Nelson, who stood near the door, and afterwards to 
 the rest of our company. 
 
 " I was sorry, Joy, to exclude you from my room, but a 
 severe headache was my excuse. The chambermaid took 
 my message to you, I suppose." 
 
 " She did," answered Joy, with deepening color. 
 
 " I hope my illness gave you no disturbance," next ad 
 dressing Walter, " Did you pass a comfortable night? " 
 
 " No, I did not sleep very well. But I am glad to see 
 you in such good spirits this morning."
 
 ESPERANCE. 223 
 
 I have no doubt he felt so. 
 
 " Thank you. And you shall have the benefit of them if 
 you will take a stroll with me after breakfast." 
 
 " With pleasure," replied he, coloring, as he exchanged a 
 quick glance with Joy. 
 
 Walter sat opposite me at the table, and during breakfast 
 I exerted every power to be entertaining. When we left the 
 dining-room, I hastened to tie on my bonnet, stealing a 
 glance at the mirror to convince myself that my mask was 
 impenetrable. In a moment more my arm was linked in 
 Walter's, and we were taking a lover's walk. It seemed to 
 me I must have been breathing pure oxygen, so elastic was 
 my step, so airy my words. 
 
 u Where shall we go, Esperance ? " 
 
 " Wherever you please ; to Goat Island, perhaps." 
 
 He started, and then pressed my arm closer. 
 
 I am not conscious of ever playing the coquette before or 
 since. But I did it that morning, and I flatter myself I 
 acted my part well. I had a sufficient motive to stimulate 
 every energy. A proud woman's loving heart had been 
 flung back in her face. I spurned the humiliation, and was 
 resolved to triumph over it. 
 
 I was well aware of the strength of my influence over 
 Walter in certain directions, that I ruled in his deeper 
 nature. And that morning no means were left un taxed that 
 might tend to refetter my almost escaped captive. I alter 
 nately piqued and flattered him ; in short, I made free use 
 of all a woman's artillery. Nor did I remit my efforts till I 
 saw that my lover's plastic nature was in my hands, ready 
 for the costly mould I had prepared. All thought of ac 
 knowledging his affection for another had vanished. There
 
 224 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 was no longer any struggle to escape. Sense had yielded to 
 higher powers, and that hour he was all my own. 
 
 He had several times attempted to take some accustomed 
 liberty, but I had continued playfully to thwart him. At 
 length we came to a beautiful little dingle. 
 
 " Sit here will you not ? " 
 
 " If you wish," said I, carelessly tossing aside my hat. 
 
 " What makes you so coy to-day, dear Hope?" 
 
 " Oh, you know woman is privileged to be capricious." 
 
 " But you have never been so with me before, and I shall 
 not permit it now." 
 
 " Shall not? Let me see you help yourself." 
 
 " What ails you, Esperance?" 
 
 " Contrariness ails me." 
 
 " Don't tantalize me so ; I have my rights." 
 
 " And I, being a woman, have a right to deny your rights 
 have I not ? " And I looked saucily into his face. 
 
 " You have a right to captivate me, I suppose. Really, I 
 was never more enamoured." 
 
 " And you never wish to break from my charming thral 
 dom?" 
 
 Blushing at my earnest gaze, he yet unhesitatingly replied, 
 " Never." 
 
 "And you would be miserable without me?" 
 
 " I certainly should, and comparatively worthless besides." 
 
 " And you find me exactly what you need?" 
 
 " Exactly ; that is of course when I am myself. 
 Are you not satisfied, dearest ? " 
 
 "Perfectly. I have the utmost confidence in the sincerity 
 of your words, as expressing your present feelings." 
 
 "Why turn from me, then?" And he fixed his eyes on 
 mine, with the old winning expression.
 
 ESPEBANCE. 225 
 
 For a moment I faltered. But I lashed my swerving pur 
 pose, and when I next looked at him; it was with a cool eye 
 and a mocking smile. 
 
 " I cannot bear this, Espy," exclaimed he, in an excited 
 tone. " Don't you believe me when I say I love you? " 
 
 " Certainly." 
 
 " Then don't hold me at such arms' length. Torment me, 
 if you must, at another time. But now, give me some token 
 of affection. Mind, I do not claim it as a right, but entreat 
 it as a favor. I hope I am humble enough to suit you," he 
 added, with some bitterness. 
 
 It may seem an inexcusable weakness, but the wish to 
 grant his request came over me. Yet I sternly denied it. 
 
 "Walter," said I, looking kindly, but seriously into that 
 still too beloved face, " we have had some happy days to 
 gether have we not ? " 
 
 " To be sure we have." 
 
 " But notwithstanding this, my first impression that we 
 were totally unsuited to each other has become a settled con 
 viction. We must, therefore, separate. From this moment 
 you are free." 
 
 And how did he receive the release for which he had so 
 longed? With an agony of tears and supplications. 
 
 " Dearest Hope, I shall be nothing without you. I am 
 unworthy ; I admit it freely ; but spare me this blow." 
 
 He pleaded long and importunately, and it was very hard 
 to convince him that I was inexorable. 
 
 "If you insist on this cruel step, what will become of 
 me?" 
 
 " You will speedily find some one, who will prove a more 
 fitting bride than I."
 
 226 ESPERANCE. 
 
 He looked at my face searchingly, but could not spell a 
 syllable of its meaning. After a brief silence, he threw him 
 self on his knees, and confessed the whole. Weak and 
 vacillating as he had been, he was truthful to the letter 
 he palliated nothing. 
 
 "It has been a dazzling of the senses a mere worship 
 of beauty. I confess it truly it has almost frenzied me. 
 And whether you have suspected my weakness or not, your 
 dismission is a just penalty. But pity me, dear Hope. I 
 feel this moment your greatly superior attractions, and I 
 conjure you, save me from myself." 
 
 " I would do much for you, Walter ; but I cannot do that. 
 The man whom I could call husband, I must respect above 
 all other men. I always knew this, but somehow, for a 
 time, you made me forget it. I cannot look up to you, Wal 
 ter ; I cannot rely on you." 
 
 He winced under my words, but humbly urged, " Try me 
 six months, or a year even." 
 
 " And what could you say to Joy ? " 
 
 " Alas ! I have hopelessly involved myself. But don't 
 you think she would soon be consoled in some other love ? " 
 
 "I do." 
 
 "Then?" 
 
 " It is of no use ; I know you better than you know your 
 self." 
 
 He bowed his head on my shoulder and wept. But, 
 though my heart was gushing towards him with inexpressible 
 tenderness, I did not waver. 
 
 " Now, Walter, you must go for my sister. Tell her as 
 much as you think best, and then bring her here. The 
 sooner you are plighted to each other, the better."
 
 ESPEBANCE. 227 
 
 "Plighted to another? And that when I felt so assured 
 of my own constancy? Dear Espy, you have been more to 
 me than I can express. I cannot " Then he checked 
 himself. 
 
 Walking back and forth with folded arms, he at length 
 stood before me, and in a broken voice, 
 
 " I am not worthy, but before I go, I long to hold you to 
 my heart once more. It would ease the bitter parting." 
 
 " That would not be right, Walter ; you belong to my 
 sister now." 
 
 He looked perfectly woe-begone, but made no reply. Af 
 ter a moment's silence, he took my hand, kissed it, and then 
 slowly withdrew.
 
 228 BSPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXII. 
 
 I HAD triumphed. Yet what it cost me, the Infinite alone 
 knew. I had sundered those bonds which I once deemed 
 inviolable. But my very soul was sick. The dreariness of 
 desolation stretched out into the distant future, measureless, 
 hopeless. I thought of those laughing eyes, in whose light 
 my heart had come to its blossoming. A thousand tender 
 recollections rushed over me. All Walter's better traits 
 came to mind, even his weaknesses seemed pardonable. 
 And I was the one he needed; of that I readily persuaded 
 myself. As to Joy, she was not of the pining sort. 
 
 How many a similar struggle has woman's heart endured ! 
 a struggle between love and reason, desperate in propor 
 tion to the intensity of her nature. And I wept far bitterer 
 tears than he had just poured out before me. 
 
 Dare I relent ? No ; it would be madness. And he 
 would presently be consoled ; nay, was he not this very mo 
 ment making love to Joy ? But for me ! I once more set 
 my face towards the wilderness. 
 
 The storm was laid before they came the new young 
 lovers. I caught their footsteps on the soft piny carpet. 
 And then I heard him say, 
 
 " Have no fear, Joy. It is all her own doing." 
 
 I believe I felt most of all sorry for my poor, foolish sister. 
 And I determined to try to make her worthy of him.
 
 ESPERANCB. 229 
 
 After Walter left, I had walked along till I reached that 
 rural seat where the scene of yesterday took place. And 
 there they found me. I saw them exchange wondering 
 glances ; but without heeding this, I made them sit, one on 
 each side of me. Then I told Joy I had become convinced 
 that Walter was not quite enough of a man to suit me (I 
 saw his eye flash, but I quietly continued), and that I was 
 not beautiful enough for one of his taste, but that I thought 
 both difficulties would be remedied, if they two could make 
 an agreement. 
 
 " Can you love Walter? " 
 
 Her eyes drooped, as she nestled close to me. And I was 
 proud that I could bestow him as my gift. 
 
 I took her dainty little hand. " Your hand, Walter." 
 
 Clasping them together, I said, fervently, 
 
 " God bless you, my brother and sister, and help you 
 always to be true to one another ! " 
 
 Then motioning Walter to sit beside Joy, my heart rose 
 to heaven for its choicest blessings on them both. Walter 
 was entirely overcome. 
 
 " Don't feel so troubled. I do love you very much, and I 
 will try to be as good as Hope." 
 
 He softly stroked her head as he would that of a child, 
 though her words failed to quiet him. But I had no longer 
 any business there. So I said, cheerfully, 
 
 " You must make the most of to-day, for to-morrow we 
 shall start for Ironton. Be sure to come back by dinner 
 time." 
 
 And leaving Joy in the place of Hope, I departed. 
 
 One cannot live forever on heroism. The Real will at 
 times become too strong for the Ideal ; and nature, however 
 20
 
 230 ESPERANCE. 
 
 dexterously thrust aside or sternly silenced, will continue 
 clamoring, till she gets her way. So I felt, as with languid 
 step, I re-trod that path over which I had so lately passed 
 with unfaltering nerves. 
 
 When we left Niagara, we should separate from our other 
 friends. I must not lose credit with them ; so I whipped up 
 my flagging spirits, and sat down for a lively chat with 
 Nelson. 
 
 " "Where are Mr. Northrup and Miss Joy?" 
 
 " I will tell you," I replied, in a confidential tone. " I 
 just left them at Goat Island, a plighted pair, full of senti 
 ment and happiness." 
 
 " Ah ! indeed ! why, I thought " 
 
 Nor was he able to read my face. So he continued, 
 
 " A fine match, truly," with somewhat of a puzzled, air. 
 
 When I had helped him to recover his faculties, he broke 
 into a hearty laugh. 
 
 " Ah ! Madam Minerva, what has become of your wis 
 dom ? I thought your sister was too much of a child to play 
 that game." 
 
 " She is. But she contrived to get the start of me. Be 
 sides, Mr. Northrup is quite a patriarch compared with you, 
 so that relieves the matter." 
 
 " Well, you are beyond my comprehension ; that is all. 
 But will you play chess with me?" 
 
 "With pleasure." 
 
 " We were in the midst of an exciting game exciting, I 
 mean, to my partner ; and my wonderful knight was contin 
 ually calling out, ' Check ! ' ' Check ! ' to Nelson's king, when 
 the lovers entered. His eye turned to them with a curious 
 and searching glance.
 
 ESPERANCE. 231 
 
 "Walter looked serious and protecting, as though he had 
 just assumed a great responsibility, as indeed he had. But 
 when his eye glanced down upon the graceful creature by his 
 side, lifting up her radiant face confidingly into his, an air of 
 satisfaction came over him, as if conscious of the rare beauty 
 of his prize. It was pardonable, I thought ; and as I gazed 
 upon them, I could not help acknowledging that they were 
 more fitly paired than he and I had been. Joy seemed very 
 happy ; and I could not but hope the effect on her character 
 would be favorable. As to myself, of what consequence 
 
 I was startled from my reverie by hearing Nelson say, 
 
 " What a deep fit of abstraction ! Here I have been inti 
 mating in various ways the desirableness of your making a 
 move. But for all your hearing me, you might as well have 
 been in Canton." 
 
 "Pardon me, I had forgotten the dubious condition of 
 your king, but will now pursue him with my utmost vigor. 
 ' Check ! check ! check ! ' " 
 
 " Fairly conquered, notwithstanding your absent-minded 
 ness. If you achieve such conquests when indifferent, what 
 would you do if bent on winning ? " 
 
 " Be foiled in my turn, probably, and cry out for mercy." 
 
 " I should like to be your antagonist in such a case." 
 
 " Unkind Nelson." 
 
 " Not unkind. To conquer you would be a triumph in 
 deed. And if I could make you cry out for mercy, I should 
 have some hope of crowning you as my queen." 
 
 " Nonsense ! You are truly a gallant Southron. But 
 now we must go to dinner?" 
 
 " May I take you in ? " 
 
 " May you ? Don't you see you must f "
 
 282 ESPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIII. 
 
 THE close of that eventful day had at length come. I 
 retired early, telling Joy that as I had so long been accus 
 tomed to sleep alone, I found it hard to form a contrary 
 habit, and that I had engaged for her a little room adjoining 
 mine. 
 
 " Walter, I rely on you not to detain my sister after ten 
 o'clock." 
 
 " I will not," replied he, without venturing to look at me. 
 
 There may be those who will say that when I discovered 
 the weakness of Mr. Northrup, it was unwomanly longer to 
 love. They know little of a woman's heart. I had always 
 been aware that there was an unfitness in our relation. 
 Without any assumption of superiority, I could not but 
 admit that I was the stronger of the two. And it did not 
 suit me. So I was fully convinced that a separation was 
 best. But my heart ached none the less at its necessity. 
 And in spite of my complacency at my own management, the 
 stubborn fact remained I had been forsaken for another. 
 Is it strange that I felt the need of employment for head, 
 heart, and hands ? that I longed, with feverish impatience, 
 to get back to Ironton ? 
 
 Having parted cordially with our southern friends, I 
 hastened on our little company through our long, tedious 
 journey how tedious to me, my fellow-travellers never
 
 E8PERANCE. 233 
 
 guessed. Outwardly, ray past relation to Walter was as 
 though it had never been ; and, instead, I had become an 
 older sister, to whom he looked for counsel. I felt the re 
 sponsibility in my hands, and sometimes feared his life would 
 prove a failure. Joy was not the one to stimulate him, intel 
 lectually or morally ; and I had some anxiety lest her easy, 
 shallow nature, and her want of sterling principle, might 
 prove a drag to him. But I was resolved, with the help of 
 God, to do all I could to elevate and ennoble her, before she 
 became his bride. 
 
 " Walter," said I, when alone with him one day, " it will 
 not do for you to study law at Ironton." 
 
 "Why not?" 
 
 " Joy is only fifteen, and her character is still to be formed. 
 Indeed, you both need to acquire strength, and absence will 
 help you." 
 
 " But when " and he paused. 
 
 "When may you claim her? Not one minute before she 
 is nineteen." 
 
 " You are cruel." 
 
 " No ! " replied I, " only wise." 
 
 " And how often will your ladyship permit me to visit her ? " 
 
 " Oh, about three or four times a year ; and, to give you 
 the whole of your prescription, you must exchange letters 
 but once a fortnight." 
 
 " How extremely gracious you are ! " with an air of great 
 vexation. 
 
 As he met my eye, a blush of confusion stole over his 
 face, but I took no notice of it. 
 
 At length Ironton was reached, and my fair sister fol- 
 20*
 
 234 ESPERANCE. 
 
 lowed me oul to tea at Miss Brimblecum's long table. Every 
 one's eyes were fastened upon her, and upon Walter also, 
 who sat between us, and attended to her wants as if he had 
 a right to continuing, however, as polite as ever to me. I 
 have no doubt that Miss Brimblecum and Miss Betts put 
 their heads together in many a nightly conference, to discuss 
 the momentous question, whether Mr. Walter Northrup was 
 still betrothed to Miss Hope Frazer, or whether, having be 
 come wearied of her, he had plighted his faith to Miss Joy 
 Frazer. How they settled it, of course I could not tell ; but 
 so that they had something to expend their wits upon, I was 
 content. 
 
 The excitement of opening the school, of arranging classes 
 for myself and assistant, and of getting Joy pleasantly set 
 tled in the little room next mine, was of essential service. 
 Those busy days, following upon my long, sleepless nights, 
 helped me to drown the voices of memory, and that sense of 
 wrong and desolation which came upon me in solitude. 
 
 With my one successful attempt, my coquetry was ended ; 
 and having purposely laid aside my old teasing manner, as 
 well as my playful vivacity, and assumed the kindly gravity 
 of a solicitous friend, any points of contrast between me 
 and my sister, in my favor, were entirely removed. So that 
 in all my private interviews with Walter, of which we had 
 many in reference to the future, nothing occurred to recall 
 that brief dream. Most easily did he fall into the new state 
 of things, congratulating himself, I doubt not, that in addi 
 tion to all the advantages he once hoped from my affection, 
 and realized without abatement in my friendship, he had 
 won for his own a young girl, than whom there could be no 
 fairer.
 
 ESPERANCE. 235 
 
 The fact that I felt it wise to limit their intercourse 
 undoubtedly strengthened her influence with him. For them 
 I thought and planned, taking pains to bring out Joy's best 
 traits, and in every way possible, to rivet the chain which I 
 had unbound from myself, that I might fling it over her. 
 For, having made up my mind to the necessity of the sacri 
 fice, I had pride, if not principle enough, not wilfully to mar 
 it by any petty want of magnanimity. 
 
 But did it require no effort to meet my former lover's 
 quiet eye, and his cool indifference of manner, in contrast 
 with his impassioned devotion to my sister ? Was it nothing 
 to note his eager glances, his tender, protecting manner? I 
 was no stoic. And this was the ashes of bitterness, on 
 which, for dreary days and weeks, I was obliged to feed. 
 
 And what did Helen Ware say to this change in my pros 
 pects ? From the pressure of my cares, it was some time 
 after my return before we had an opportunity for free con 
 versation. But one Saturday afternoon, when "Walter and 
 Joy were at Greenwood Pond (I wondered if he recalled our 
 eventful day there) , Helen came to sit with me in my pleas 
 ant chamber. I was exhausted by the week's labors, and my 
 heart ached for human sympathy. And when I met her, I 
 threw myself into her arms, and gave way to my emotion. 
 
 " It is hard, Esperauce," she said, at length, " but be 
 assured it is for the best. I was always more dissatisfied 
 than I was willing to have you know. You will see, at last, 
 how much better our Father orders our affairs than we can 
 do, and will bless him for the sorrow which I trust will 
 ripen your Christian character as prosperity could never 
 have done." 
 
 " This is where I am most troubled, dear Helen. I have
 
 236 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 pride, or self-respect, enough to treat the case so as to merit 
 my OAVU approval, but the higher fruits, I fear, will be 
 wanting. How can the sweet blossoms of charity spring up 
 in such a seared heart ? " 
 
 " There is One, you know, who can make the desert blos 
 som as the rose. And your heart, dear, is not the hardest 
 that ever was," added she, kissing me affectionately. 
 
 " But I have suffered so much in the past ! And now the 
 iron hand of fate is again upon me. Ah, Helen, why is it 
 that life plays us so false ? that everything disappoints us ? " 
 
 " Dear Espy, it is not the iron hand of fate, but the loving 
 hand of a wise Father. All will be made clear in the 
 bright hereafter. Be patient till then." 
 
 "You talk of patience, who know nothing of these strug 
 gles. Forgive me," I presently added, " but I sometimes 
 chafe so at my bitter destiny ! " 
 
 She tenderly pressed my hand, saying, in a low voice, 
 " Shall I tell you of myself, Hope ? " 
 
 " Not if it will give you pain," replied I, struck with a 
 sudden self-reproach. 
 
 " It is but a short tale. Not many years since, Lyndon 
 Seymour, a man in every respect my superior, wooed and 
 won me. A few Eden-days, and suddenly, in the act of 
 saving a drunkard from a watery grave, he sacrificed his 
 own life. At first my heart was full of rebellion, but God 
 forgave me, and at last sent me peace. You see that I know 
 how to sympathize with the sorrowful, for dear Lyndon was 
 all that woman's heart can ask." 
 
 I could only press her hand in silence, wondering at this 
 great mystery of sorrow, which contrives ever to entangle 
 itself in the web of our mortal life.
 
 ESPEBANCE. 237 
 
 " One thing more, and I have done," resumed my friend. 
 " After God gave me the grace of submission, he inspired 
 me with the desire to do good, if in ever so humble a way. 
 I could not bear to think that the poor wretch for whom 
 such a sacrifice had been made, should continue in his degra 
 dation. God blessed my efforts in his behalf, and he is now 
 a sincere Christian." 
 
 This talk gave me courage ; and in my moments of de 
 spondency, the remembrance of Helen's patient endurance 
 sometimes brought me strength and good cheer. Was I not, 
 by my trials, more closely united to the great brotherhood of 
 man? 
 
 So I tried to believe, and, in this fact, to find fresh cause 
 for acquiescence. I sought to banish all morbid memories of 
 the past, to meet bravely every duty of the present, and to 
 wait patiently for the revelations of the great future. But 
 it was often only a dreary endeavor, a sickening failure. 
 
 " Oh, life at cross with will ! My senses pine ; 
 Upon my narrow wall no sunbeams shine, 
 
 Nor branching trees send gladness through my glass ; 
 I yearn, I sob, I faint, in sorrow bound, 
 And tread with burning step my weary round, 
 
 Too drunk with discontent to let it pass."
 
 238 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIV. 
 
 ONE busy Saturday, as I was bound on a shopping expe 
 dition, I saw a large boy snatch an orange from a little 
 ragged lad of not more than three years, who, thereupon, set 
 up a loud cry. Being quite given to interfere in such mat 
 ters, I bestowed an admonition on the large boy, and another 
 orange, which I bought for the purpose, on the little one. A 
 certain expression in his face interested me, and after a few 
 questions, I was impelled to accompany him to his forlorn 
 home. His mother, in the faded remnants of what had 
 once been a lady's garments, sat by the window, looking list 
 lessly out, and occasionally jogging a cradle. On seeing me 
 she started up, gazed sharply into my face, and then, with a 
 sudden rush, threw her arms round my neck, exclaiming, 
 
 " It is my old friend, Hope Frazer." 
 
 I looked hard at her in return, but could find nothing to 
 identify her with any one I had known. 
 
 " Have you forgotten Eleanor Cottrell?" 
 
 Then recognition came, and I sat down to hear her story. 
 She had eloped with Orlando Granger, as may be remem 
 bered. When cast off by his father, they came into Illinois, 
 and being forced to live on her narrow income, without fore 
 sight or economy, they fell from bad to worse, all the while 
 making their case more desperate by mutual recriminations. 
 Their infidel principles precipitated their downward course.
 
 ESPEEANCE. 239 
 
 Neglecting her family, Eleanor spent her time in reading 
 pernicious books, while her husband, in desperation, resorted 
 to drinking. At length, after a violent quarrel, he embarked 
 as a sailor to a distant port, leaving her with little Orlando 
 and an infant. Through the influence of a friend, she had 
 recently removed to Ironton, not far from her first married 
 home. 
 
 " Notwithstanding all our quarrels," said Eleanor, " we 
 really did love each other, and since he left me, I have 
 been a wretched woman. But you, Hope, how well you 
 look ! You must have had prosperous times." 
 " God has dealt very kindly with me, Eleanor." 
 " So you still believe in that nonsense?" 
 " Have you been better or happier for your unbelief? " 
 " No ! but that fact cannot alter my convictions." 
 What a singular providence it seemed that had thus 
 brought my old friend into a renewed relation to me ! 
 Earnestly did I resolve, that, God helping me, she should 
 not remain in her miserable scepticism. But my zeal was 
 not according to discretion. Taking up various points, I 
 entered into argument vdth her. The more I argued, how 
 ever, the more she argued. The better to prepare myself, I 
 went to Mr. Richardson, begging the loan of books on the 
 various subjects of our discussion. I did not tell him my 
 motive, but he kindly lent himself to the matter, and always 
 had some volume to offer in exchange for what I returned. 
 But fortify myself as I might, I made no progress. When 
 pressed for argument, Eleanor used ridicule and wit unspar 
 ingly, and at the end of three months I found her only con 
 firmed in her rejection of the truth. 
 
 Helen Ware, who had been absent from town, now re-
 
 240 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 turned ; and in my discouragement, I sought her counsel, 
 telling her the course I had pursued, and with what results. 
 
 " Don't you think it possible that if her heart should be 
 touched, these speculative objections might vanish of them 
 selves ? " 
 
 " Perhaps so. But I had supposed her reason must be 
 convinced before her heart could be reached." 
 
 " It was only yesterday that I was looking over a sermon 
 which has some relation to this subject. I should like to 
 read you two or three passages." 
 
 " Whatever we talk about, you always have something 
 apropos at hand. But I should like to hear." 
 
 " ' There is an evidence of Christianity ; not an argument, 
 but an apprehension ; not a balancing of affirmations and 
 negatives, but a direct sight. * * * Without reasoning 
 upon it, without deduction, or premise, or analysis, we con 
 sent. By faith, we say it is so ; it is borne in upon us as a 
 conviction, like the goodness of the friend we love ; and no 
 dialectics will make it more true.' 
 
 " ' This doctrine will remove, if we suffer it, many of those 
 hinderances to setting in earnest about the Christian life, 
 which spring from a mistaken impression that the teachings 
 of religion must first' be encased in the formulas of reason 
 ing, or seen through by the understanding, instead of hum 
 bly welcomed by faith. That mistake will only confuse, 
 darken, and cripple the soul. If we put the reason where faith 
 belongs, we shall fail of our highest glory, miss the heavenly 
 peace, * * * and stay ignorant of the first wisdom.' " 
 
 As she read, a new train of thought was awakened, and I 
 began to have a clear vision of what, it then seemed, I must 
 have been very dull not to see before. Closing the book, 
 Helen said,
 
 ESPEBANCE. 241 
 
 " According to your account, your friend has fortified her 
 brain against your most formidable assaults. But she has 
 not thought to barricade her heart, if indeed she is able to 
 do it. If you can only get possession of that, you will be 
 sure of reaching this divine instinct. And should the love 
 of God be kindled in her soul, her sceptical difficulties would 
 melt away at once." 
 
 " I see that I have made a great mistake, and have only 
 rivetted her chains the tighter," exclaimed I, thoroughly 
 vexed with myself. 
 
 " You have no reason for self-reproach, dear Hope. Any 
 one would have been likely to fail in the first attempt. But 
 you have begun a good work, and, with divine help, will, I 
 have no doubt, complete it." 
 
 " I shall make no further miserable experiments, but shall 
 yield the case to your more skilful hands." 
 
 Helen demurred, and I persisted, until at length she prom 
 ised to call with me. 
 
 When I notified Eleanor of my intention to bring a friend 
 to see her, an angry flush overspread her cheek, as she 
 exclaimed, 
 
 u I suppose you have enlisted her to help convert me. I 
 hate the whole canting race." As I made no reply, she 
 added, " But I know you meant it in kindness, so I will bear 
 the infliction as well as I can." 
 
 When I introduced Miss Ware to Mrs. Granger, she 
 bowed coldly, assuming her most repulsive manner. Helen 
 took no notice of this, but was intent on making the- ac 
 quaintance of Orlando. Lifting him upon her lap, she told 
 him stories till the little fellow was charmed. She then 
 talked with Eleanor a few minutes on the most general 
 21
 
 242 ESPERANCE. 
 
 topics, and finally, with the promise of soon bringing a jack- 
 knife to Orlando, we left together. 
 
 After this she called frequently ; and as I ran in from 
 time to time, I perceived a gradual softening of Eleanor's 
 defiant spirit, till one day, a few weeks after Helen's first 
 call, I found her, to my great amazement, reading the Bible. 
 Of her own accord, she spoke of the change in her feelings, 
 expressing the hope that she had commenced a new life. 
 
 I thought it now time to speak to Mr. Richardson. He 
 went to see her immediately, and entered into her case with 
 great interest. Nor did he confine his efforts to her, but 
 wrote to the missionaries at the port for which Mr. Granger 
 had sailed, making inquiries concerning him. When tidings 
 of the long absent wanderer at length came back to Eleanor, 
 she sent him a letter which might have moved the .coldest 
 heart. And before the year was ended, she was folded in 
 the arms of her repentant husband. 
 
 It was not long after this that old Mr. Granger's forgive 
 ness was obtained, and his house offered to them as their 
 future home. 
 
 " What a marvellous power there is in religion ! " thought 
 I, as I sat with Eleanor, not long before she was to leave 
 for her southern abode. The whole expression of her coun 
 tenance was changed, and she had lost that bitterness of tone 
 and feeling which I had observed in her from her first call 
 on me in the old Crawford days. 
 
 " You, dear Hope, have been the instrument of my 
 earthly, as well as of my spiritual salvation," said Eleanor, 
 looking up from her work. " And how can I ever repay 
 you?" 
 
 " Precious little do you owe me. It is Miss Ware and 
 Mr. Richardson that have done everything for you."
 
 ESPERANCE. 243 
 
 " But it was through you that they took any interest in 
 me, so you cannot evade my thanks." 
 
 She was silent a moment, and then, with an earnest look, 
 she continued, 
 
 " When you came in that first day^ I thought everything 
 had been prospering with you. But I soon perceived that I 
 was mistaken that you had your trials, bravely as you 
 bore yourself under them. I have no wish to pry into your 
 secrets, but I remember well what you were in our Crawford 
 days. I used then to fancy that your pride would stand in the 
 way of your happiness, and I will confess to something of the 
 same fear now." 
 
 " To what is all this the prelude?" 
 
 " I will tell you frankly. I have my heart set on your 
 marrying Dr. Bentley, who, I aiu sure, is attached to you." 
 
 " Indeed ! Has he made you his confidant, then? " 
 
 " Not at all. But when I was sick, he came here often. 
 And knowing our former acquaintance, he had some talks 
 with me about you, from which I divined his interest. He 
 has fine taste and culture, and one of the best hearts in the 
 world. And what you value more, he has true piety." 
 
 " I admit all you say, and have the highest esteem for 
 him. But your kind wishes are doomed to disappointment. 
 My mission is not to one man in particular, but to mankind 
 in general. So you have no right to undertake any mo 
 nopoly of me." 
 
 " I must say I never saw a woman so completely inde 
 pendent, so entirely sufficient for herself." 
 
 How often since, in my hours of heart-hunger, have I 
 recalled Eleanor's speech !
 
 244 ESPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXV. 
 
 TIME, which fleets by for the sorrowing, as truly as for the 
 rejoicing, had passed on his way. It was now more than a 
 year since those scenes occurred which had shaken my being 
 to its foundations. And coming to know more of Walter, 
 to study him impartially, I had become more than resigned 
 to our separation. With all his excellences, he could never 
 permanently have filled my vision, or satisfied my heart. 
 " Better no object of exclusive love," I now often said to 
 myself, "yes, far better a lonely though not barren life, than 
 an uncongenial union." 
 
 I ought, perhaps, to have stated long ago, that, at the time 
 of the change in our relations, I had smoothed over the mat 
 ter as plausibly as possible to my father. He expressed his 
 concurrence, and left all the arrangements regarding Joy in 
 my hands, saying that he felt entire confidence in my judg 
 ment. 
 
 Notwithstanding my wise suggestions, Walter was set on 
 attaining to his legal ownership of Joy at the first possible 
 moment. And he had left his studies, and come all the way 
 to Ironton on purpose to persuade me to relent. He was the 
 more urgent, because I had not concealed from him that Joy's 
 many attractions exposed her to constant admiration. In spite 
 of my careful duennaship, more than one heart had already 
 been laid at her feet, which, with her girlish impressibleness,
 
 ESPERAHCE. 245 
 
 she had some hesitation in declining. As I wrote of these 
 things to Walter, with the natural reflection that he was paid 
 in his own coin, I had a good opportunity to indulge my love 
 of sarcasm, had I been so disposed. 
 
 But in spite of her weakness on this point, Joy had greatly 
 improved. And though I did not expect her to develop into 
 a strong character, yet I felt more and more encouraged 
 that if she could only run, unharmed, the gantlet of her 
 long train of admirers, she and Walter might yet prove a 
 well-paired and happy couple. 
 
 But this was not the only affaire du cceur in which I felt a 
 genuine interest. It so happened that there was in Ironton an 
 intelligent and comely widow, usually spoken of as Dame 
 Margaret Weatherwax. Owing to the loss of property, she 
 and her daughter Peggy, a pretty girl of seventeen, had 
 taken humble lodgings, where they supported themselves 
 by needlework. It was in their sewing for me that I became 
 acquainted with them, and formed thereupon certain nice little 
 plans, which, however, I carefully kept to myself. When I 
 had. occasion to give them work, I sometimes took with me 
 my good friend, Philander Benedict, who was ready at all 
 times to be my attendant. And I usually remained a little 
 while, drawing Dame Weatherwax into conversation, that I 
 might show her off to advantage. While this was going on, 
 her young daughter sat by in silence, working away most 
 industriously, and hardly lifting up her head, even when 
 we took our leave. She was so excessively bashful that no 
 one could look at her without her blushing. But she was a 
 dutiful daughter and a good girl, as one could tell by her 
 face. 
 
 I was soon encouraged by noticing one or two acts of 
 21*
 
 246 ESPERANCE. 
 
 kind consideration on friend Benedict's part. For instance, 
 one day when the mother was naming the time in which she 
 would send Peggy home with the work, he offered to come 
 for it himself. Mrs. Weatherwax hesitated, saying, 
 
 " But Peggy needs the exercise." 
 
 " She can find pleasanter walks than through the streets." 
 
 " That is the sure way to the mother's heart," I thought 
 to myself. 
 
 Next I began to notice beautiful bouquets, which Peggy 
 was careful to keep in fresh water, and arrange in the little 
 tidy sitting-room to the best advantage. Soon followed rare 
 plants set out in tasteful pots, denoting a still higher rise in 
 the social temperature. Then I noticed, on the small, square, 
 red pine stand, a splendid family Bible, and not long after, a 
 handsome edition of the British Poets, with two or three 
 dainty little volumes beside it. It was something stronger 
 than a suspicion that I now felt. But, whatever it was, it 
 increased to a moral certainty one day, when I saw a large 
 basket of oranges and a hamper of Madeira standing in the 
 tiny front entry, which they almost filled. 
 
 " Dame Weatherwax is in delicate health," I soliloquized. 
 " She is to be strengthened by this cordial, and what is left 
 will do for the wedding." 
 
 Not having been to the cottage in company with Mr. Bene 
 dict for some time, I made an errand there the next day, in 
 viting him to accompany me. I was glad to find that he had 
 made a commendable progress in sociability with the good 
 lady, though, with my sharpest vision, I was unable to dis 
 cern an iota of sentiment in their intercourse. This quite 
 disappointed me, but I reconciled myself by reflecting that 
 this was not necessary at their age.
 
 ESPEBANCE. 247 
 
 In the midst of my cogitations, little Peggy, who had been 
 out of an errand, suddenly returned. On seeing us, her face 
 was covered with blushes. Indeed, had she been detected 
 doing something very naughty, she could not have looked 
 more guilty. A little perplexed, I glanced at my old bach 
 elor, and was thoroughly provoked to find him in the same 
 predicament. And in spite of all my efforts, he sat, during 
 the rest of our call, completely tongue-tied. 
 
 " Ah," thought I, " the pretty witch has completely out 
 witted me. That is not at all the match on which my heart 
 was set. It is by no means so appropriate. But since I 
 cannot have what I wanted, I must take what I can get. 
 And after all, what is the harm? People always have 
 chosen for themselves, and always will, I suppose. And 
 really, I wonder I never thought of this before. It will 
 turn out to be something quite romantic ; and as for senti 
 ment, their blushes are full of it." 
 
 Such were some of my meditations on our way home, for 
 Philander hardly opened his mouth. The next day, however, 
 he begged a private interview ; but when I granted him a 
 gracious audience, he sat for full two minutes at his old trick 
 of making knots, without uttering a single word. 
 
 " Did you have anything to say to me? " 
 
 He started, as if suddenly waked, grew red, and then ven 
 tured, 
 
 " Do you remember my saying that I should never marry?" 
 
 " Perfectly ; and do you recall my reply ? " 
 
 " I do, Miss Frazer. But I hope you won't think it 
 strange if I should, after all, want to get married." 
 
 "Is it possible you have such a treacherous thought?" 
 asked I, with a mischievous glance at him, as he sat tying 
 the corner of his red silk handkerchief.
 
 248 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 He looked up gravely, but, meeting my eye, blushed and 
 smiled at the same time. 
 
 " You don't think " 
 
 " Oh, no ! I don't think anything, except that it is very 
 man-like. You know I never placed much faith in those 
 vows of everlasting remembrance. So you have my best 
 wishes for your success." 
 
 " Do you think she do you think I " and he stopped. 
 
 " Yes, I rather think you both do." 
 
 He resolutely tied another knot. 
 
 " Miss Frazer, will you be kind enough to speak to her for 
 me?" 
 
 "To whom, sir?" 
 
 " I thought you knew. To to your friend." 
 
 " I happen to have several friends. To which of them do 
 you refer? I may guess, however. Dame Weatherwax is 
 the fortunate woman is she not ? " 
 
 " Oh, no, no I " 
 
 " Indeed ! Why, I thought you had a high regard for her." 
 
 "And so I have the very highest; but but it's 
 Miss Peggy that I want you to speak to." 
 
 " And what do you wish me to say ? " 
 
 " Tell her I ask her if if she will be my wife," at 
 length broke from him in desperation. 
 
 " No, Mr. Benedict. You must make your own offer, and 
 let little Peggy have the pleasure of softening her refusal." 
 
 " Do you think then ?" began he, in an alarmed tone. 
 
 " What do you think ? " 
 
 " I have dared to hope, sometimes." 
 
 " I am glad of it, for you know the old adage ' Faint 
 heart never won fair lady.' So make the trial with good
 
 E8PERANCE. 249 
 
 courage. But suppose you should conclude to offer your 
 hand to the mother ; would not that be more suitable, and 
 your chance of success greater ? " 
 
 " I can't, Miss Frazer, indeed I can't." 
 
 "And why not?" 
 
 " Because I love dear Peggy," he exclaimed, with sudden 
 energy. 
 
 " That alters the case. By all means, then, try for ' dear 
 Peggy.'" 
 
 " But you can't think how I dread it. "Won't you say one 
 word to embolden me ? " 
 
 " I can only say that if little Peggy always blushes when 
 she meets you, as she did yesterday, she will probably blush 
 harder than ever when you ask her to become Mrs. Ben 
 edict." 
 
 " And what then? " said he, coloring as if he had received 
 a proposal himself. 
 
 " Why, that you must take for your answer, for she is too 
 bashful to say she loves you. And it would distress her to 
 have you insist upon it." 
 
 " But what then am I to do ? " asked he, with a very red 
 face, while he twisted his handkerchief into knot third. 
 
 " I will tell you, if you will stop tying knots, and wait till 
 Mr. Richardson can tie one for you." 
 
 He obeyed, looking anxiously into my face. 
 
 " Why, then, you must kiss her, to be sure." 
 
 "But can I? may I? "will she?" he asked, with the 
 greatest trepidation. 
 
 " Oh, yes ! You can, you may, and she will ; that is, if 
 she loves you, as I half think she does." 
 
 The blood rushed in torrents to his honest face.
 
 250 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 " When had I better go ? " 
 
 " This evening, straight from the tea-table." For I longed 
 to have the good man through with the agonies of suspense. 
 
 The next morning, for a wonder, Mr. Benedict was late at 
 breakfast. And when he came, he evidently had no idea 
 what he was about. He began with bidding everybody 
 good night. He put salt and pepper into his coffee, sprin 
 kled sugar over his baked potatoes, and poured cream on his 
 beefsteak. Then he tipped over my cup, and knocked the 
 cream-pitcher into my plate, with a hearty " Thank you, 
 Miss Weatherwax." I did my best to cover his awkward 
 ness, but fortunately he was unaware of his own blunders. 
 He persisted, however, in so many out-of-the-way things, 
 that I felt confident he had made his proposals, and was be 
 wildered at his success. 
 
 " I don't need to inquire as to the result of your call," said 
 I, in a low voice, as we left the table. 
 
 " No, no ! Come into the parlor." 
 
 So I followed him at his own hurried pace. 
 
 " She's an angel, Miss Frazer." 
 
 " So are all girls when betrothed." 
 
 " But but you don't know why in short, I'm the 
 happiest man in Christendom. I did everything exactly as 
 you told me. And when I asked her, you never saw any 
 one blush as she did. I thought I couldn't be mistaken, and 
 that I oughtn't to distress her by pressing for an answer. 
 Besides, I really couldn't help myself. So I ventured 
 to do it." 
 
 " Quite right," said I, scarcely able to control my risibles. 
 " And she did not reprove you?" 
 
 " Not at all. By this time, you must know, I had grown
 
 ESPERANCE. 251 
 
 quite bold, and so I . But I shan't tell you any more, ex 
 cept that she has consented to be married in a month, that 
 is, if you think best. She insisted on that condition." 
 
 " If it was the mother, as it ought to have been, I should 
 have no difficulty ; but Peggy is altogether too young to be 
 come a married woman." 
 
 " You mustn't put any difficulties in the way." 
 
 " I suppose it would be of no use if I should ; so I yield." 
 
 "I knew you would, and I told her so. You remember 
 that house of mine in High Street. Well, we are to live 
 there Mrs. Weatherwax, Peggy, and all of us." 
 
 " By which ail, I conclude you mean yourself and myself." 
 
 " You are joking ; but never mind. We will all be so 
 happy on my word we will ; and my little Peggy shall 
 have everything she wants." 
 
 " Don't go to spoiling her, pray. She is now an amiable, 
 sensible girl ; but if you indulge every whim, who knows ? " 
 
 "Whim? She has no whims. She couldn't have a 
 whim. She's a darling, and she shall be petted in every 
 thing," exclaimed he, warmly. " And she can't be spoiled ; 
 she's too good to be spoiled. Oh, Miss Frazer, I thank you, 
 more than I can ever express, for taking me to Dame 
 Weatherwax's. Did you think of such a result?" 
 
 " And suppose I did ? " 
 
 " You are a true friend, a very true friend ; " and he caught 
 up my hand and kissed it. A strange liberty for him, but he 
 was well nigh beside himself. 
 
 "That is altogether gratuitous. It was my plan to have 
 you marry the mother." 
 
 " Ha, ha ! And so not marry my dear little Peggy my 
 poor little Peggy, who loves me so ! "
 
 252 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 " But I am reconciled. On the whole you have chosen 
 better than I." 
 
 Again he caught my hand, saying, 
 
 " She's an angel. And I only wish you might be just as 
 happy as I am." 
 
 " If I could marry an angel, there would be some hope. 
 But it is the women who are angels, and unfortunately, I 
 can't marry a woman. If I could, I should know whom to 
 choose very quickly. But I must leave you now." 
 
 " And will you call and see her to-day? And will you 
 consent to my plan?" 
 
 " Oh, yes ! I will call, and I will consent, and I will do 
 everything I can to forward the affair. I congratulate you 
 and her, and the neglected dame, with my whole heart. You 
 do not doubt it, with all my badinage." 
 
 " No, Miss Frazer, you have always been a real friend, 
 God bless you." And the tears stood in his eyes. 
 
 When I had reached the door, he called me back. 
 
 " Just one minute I may as well confess, for you will 
 see it on her finger that ring, you know." 
 
 A laugh involuntarily broke from me, as I exclaimed, 
 
 " What ! that splendid diamond ring which you were so 
 sure jop. should never want ! " 
 
 He looked a little abashed as he replied, 
 
 "Don't reproach me, for I was perfectly sincere." 
 
 " And equally so now, I take it." 
 
 " To be sure I am. But I told her all about that old 
 affair; so I think you might spare me." 
 
 " Do you forget our agreement, that if such an impos 
 sibility should ever happen, I was to laugh at you as much 
 as I pleased ? "
 
 ESPERANCE. 253 
 
 " "Well," said he, resignedly, " I suppose I must submit. 
 It is very natural you should feel like laughing, for I was 
 so certain about it, I could have taken my oath that I should 
 never marry. But I had not seen Peggy then. And I don't 
 mind so much your bantering me for my fickleness when I'm 
 alone, if you won't doit in her presence. She is very sensi 
 tive you know, and it might worry her, and perhaps make 
 her distrustful." 
 
 " I have brought no charge of fickleness ; indeed, I totally 
 absolve you there. You have proved yourself a most honor 
 able man, upright in intention and deed. So I shall heartily 
 congratulate your Peggy on the prize she has won. And you 
 may rest assured, Mr. Benedict, that I shall never torment 
 her, but shall reserve that pleasure exclusively for your pri 
 vate benefit." 
 
 As I closed the door, I glanced back, and was well pleased 
 with the satisfaction that glowed in his honest features. As 
 for myself, I felt a gladness, an exultation even, as if I alone 
 had wrought out that sweet idyl. 
 22
 
 254 ESPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVI. 
 
 AND so it came to pass that, on a bright summer morning, 
 Joy and I entered the neat little parlor of Dame Margaret 
 Weatherwax, where a very few friends and neighbors were 
 gathered. It was not long before Mr. Benedict appeared, 
 with Peggy, in her neat, fawn-colored travelling dress, nes-* 
 tling timidly but trustingly to his side, even as the delicate 
 violet hides beneath some protecting shrub. As I looked at 
 her, I could not forbear soliloquizing, " What can be more 
 lovely and lovable than a pretty young girl ? Nor is it mar 
 vellous that bachelors and widowers are so apt to become cog 
 nizant of this fact." Then I recalled the story related of a 
 good Scotch minister who was arraigned by his presbytery 
 for the offence of marrying a young lady, he being some 
 what advanced in years. In answering to the charge, he 
 pleaded, 
 
 " Can any of you point me to the chapter and the varse 
 wherein an old man is forbidden to marry a young w.oman ? 
 And indeed, brethren, I put it straight to yer own con 
 sciences, whether, under similar circumstances, ye wouldn't 
 every" one 'of ye do the same thing, if ye could I " 
 
 But I must recall these stray thoughts.. As Mr. Richard- 
 son proceeds to tie the knot,. Peggy's drooping face is suf 
 fused with a succession of blushes. Mr. Benedict, on the 
 contrary, stands more erect than I ever before saw him, his 
 eyes fairly dancing with happiness and pride.
 
 ESPEBANCE. 255 
 
 What a charming contrast ! he, in the strength of a 
 somewhat rough but truly noble manhood, exulting in the 
 conscious power of his protecting love ; she, timidly but 
 fondly clinging to him, happy, proud even, in the entireness 
 of her surrender, a true woman's sweetest lot, her most 
 blessed destiny. There may be honest protesters against 
 this doctrine, but so long as the world endureth, it will still 
 remain a fact, that, except the holy ministries of the " sis 
 terhood of charity," no other fate so befits and ennobles 
 woman. 
 
 Dreaming again ! But I could not help it. With some 
 little complacency as to my own agency in the matter, my 
 eyes, which had been fastened on a small figure in the faded 
 carpet, returned to the bridal pair. " She is a pretty, gentle,, 
 loving creature," said I to myself, " and Philander well de 
 serves her. No more wearisome days and anxious nights 
 for her and her mother ! They have a friend who will bring 
 sunshine enough to banish every sad memory. God bless 
 them ! " 
 
 It was Mr. Eichardson who took up, first Mrs. Weather- 
 wax, and then me and my sister, to greet the couple. I cor 
 dially kissed the bride, and next, since Philander would have 
 it so, I cordially kissed the bridegroom also. Then the cake 
 and wine were dispensed that very Madeira I had seen in 
 the little entry ; after which, I went up stairs into her 
 small attic bedroom with Peggy, who was trembling with 
 excitement. The moment I had her all to myself, she burst 
 into tears. I made her sit down, and lay her head on my 
 shoulder. 
 
 " Dear Miss Frazer," she sobbed out,, "-it seems so like a. 
 dream, and I owe it all to you."
 
 256 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 " Not a bit of it, dear, but to your own sweet self." 
 
 " But he told me he owed it to you, and of course I do. I 
 wish you knew how happy I am. Yet I am so unworthy. 
 But you can't begin to think how good and noble he is." 
 
 " God has been very kind to you, Peggy." 
 
 " Yes, indeed. And I want to be grateful and grow better. 
 Do you think God is displeased because I love Mr. Benedict 
 so much ? " 
 
 "How much, dear Peggy?" asked I, with a sly look at 
 her demure face. 
 
 Instantly that face crimsoned all over, while at the same 
 moment, who should open the door and put in his head, but 
 Philander? Peggy started, and then hid her telltale face. 
 
 " You are taking a husband's liberties very soon," said I. 
 
 " Her mother gave me leave ; but is anything the matter ? " 
 with a face of the tenderest concern. 
 
 " Your wife has only been confessing that she cares noth 
 ing at all about you, and " 
 
 Here Peggy lifted up her head, and gave him such a look 
 that he but thereupon I made good my retreat, leaving 
 IH'TTI to console her as he best could. 
 
 In the course of half an hour, we that is, Mr. and Mrs. 
 Benedict, Mrs. Weatherwax and myself were taken in a 
 carriage to their handsome new house on High Street. 
 And in another half hour the bridegroom and bride set 
 off on their journey. They went in style, for Mr. Bene 
 dict had secured a bright new close carriage, into which, with 
 an entire disregard of external scenery, he shut himself up 
 with his bride, allowing to his coachman an exclusive mo 
 nopoly of all the thrifty farms and various water privileges 
 they passed. As I stood, saying my adieus through the win 
 dow which was let down, I added,
 
 ESPERANCB. 257 
 
 " You have no idea what you are going to lose in that 
 close box." 
 
 " But I know what I've found don't I, Peggy? " Where 
 upon he tantalized me with the sight of his adoring glances. 
 
 "As to that matter, however, you real Orientalist, you 
 might just as well have locked yourself up with her in that 
 cosy little parlor of yours. But de gustibus." 
 
 " I guess we shall survive our imprisonment shan't we, 
 Peggy?" 
 
 As he spoke, he turned towards her ; and two such pro- 
 vokingly contented looking people gazing into each other's 
 faces I never saw. As I knew well enough what would fol 
 low such a gaze, and did not care to be any further aggra 
 vated, I kissed my hand to them, and turned away just in 
 season to escape the blissful climax. 
 
 Ah, Peggy ! I frankly confess it I envied you, not 
 your husband, but I did envy your fate. 
 22*
 
 258 ESPEEANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVII. 
 
 Two years since Joy's betrothal ! 
 
 She still remained with me, and continued to gain in 
 womanliness of character. Her attachment to Walter had 
 become more consolidated, so that the danger of her slipping 
 through his hands seemed past. Indeed, he had induced her 
 to join him in persuasions for an earlier " consummation of 
 their happiness," as he called it. 
 
 " And are you not happy enough now? " 
 
 " Not quite. Walter says I am too far off, and that he is 
 impatient for the time which will make me his." 
 
 " Nonsense ! You are that already." 
 
 " Oh, but that is not what he means ; he wants to have 
 me always beside him." 
 
 " But are you sure you would like that? " 
 
 " What if I should? Is there any harm in it?" 
 
 "I don't blame you in the "least," replied I, kissing her 
 rosy cheek, " nor him either. The feeling is very natural, I 
 daresay, (how wisely I talked!) but then we must consult 
 reason in such matters. And I think you are too young to 
 be married." 
 
 " I am no younger than Peggy Weatherwax was." 
 
 " The circumstances are very different. And in the real 
 experience of life, she was far older than you." 
 
 " But I should get experience a great deal faster if you 
 would only let us be married."
 
 ESPERANCE. 259 
 
 " Ah, Joy ! you are a dear little ignoramus. Content 
 yourself and Walter to let the sweet blossoms hang a little 
 longer on the tree, and ripen in the sunshine. And don't 
 think me a cross old sister, but be a good girl, and try to 
 make Walter feel that it is best to wait." 
 
 Was / changed in all this time ? I can only say that I 
 seemed to myself, now turned of twenty-three, a score of 
 years older than on my twentieth birthday. As I looked 
 back over those years to that brief, tropical season, when my 
 lonely nature suddenly put forth the quick blossoms of affec 
 tion, I wondered over and over again at the intensity of feel 
 ing that had concentrated on Walter Northrup. The contrast 
 between my present and my former self was almost painful. 
 
 It cost roe many a sharp pang to think of the hot tears I 
 had wasted of the bitter anguish I had endured, for the 
 sake of a love which had now wholly died out of my life. 
 He who, in the light of an idealizing affection, had stood 
 transfigured before me, was, to my cleared vision, but a man ; 
 nay, an ordinary, a weak man. 
 
 My old tendency to dream had forsaken me. To my 
 quickened perception, there seemed no longer any heroes 
 upon the earth. And marvellous, I thought, must be the 
 combination of manly virtues that could move my now unim- 
 pressible nature. 
 
 " You had no chance," some one may suggest. Not so ! 
 But my answer, in such cases, never cost me an hour's sleep. 
 
 From my father I had heard only three or four times since 
 I left home. But at length there came sad tidings. 
 
 "I am a degraded man. Not content with embittering 
 the last three years, she has fled with that villain. If you
 
 260 ESPERANCE. 
 
 can forgive and forget the past, come to me as soon as 
 possible." 
 
 I immediately informed the trustees of the Seminary that 
 circumstances compelled me to resign my situation. And 
 having sent a despatch to Mr. Northrup, Joy and I began to 
 make preparations for our journey homeward. 
 
 The next afternoon, I went out to make some last calls ; 
 for, oppressed as I was, I could not take my departure without 
 one more look at a few loved faces. And first, I found 
 myself at the hospitable mansion in High Street. Dame 
 Weatherwax met me at the door, and directed me to the 
 library. 
 
 It was a charming picture that greeted me, and I stood 
 i for a moment to enjoy it. Mr. Benedict was in a luxurious 
 
 arm-chair, while Peggy sat on an ottoman, nestling close to 
 him, as usual. She was working a pair of slippers, and 
 very tasteful they were, while he held an open book in his 
 hand, from which he was reading aloud. He was not, how 
 ever, so absorbed by the volume but that he could oversee 
 her work. And occasionally he would pause, and looking 
 down upon her in all the pride of possession, would lay his 
 large, awkward hand on her graceful young head. I was 
 about entering when he resumed reading, and I paused 
 another minute. 
 
 " She tell what blood her veins and arteries fill ! 
 Enough for her to feel its burning thrill. 
 She gaze upon the moon, as if she took 
 An observation ! Love was in her look 
 All gentle as the moon. Herself perplex 
 With light original or light reflex ! 
 Enough for her, ' By thy pale beam,' to say, 
 ' Alone and pensive I delight to stray,
 
 ESPERANCE. 261 
 
 And watch thy shadow trembling in the stream ! ' 
 O maid, thrice lovelier than thy lovely dream ! 
 And is the race extinct ? Or where is hid 
 She with the blushing cheek and downcast lid, 
 Tremblingly delicate, and, like the deer, 
 Gracefully shy, and beautiful in fear ? " 
 
 "I could answer the poet's question couldn't I, little 
 wife ? " fondly patting her cheek. 
 
 " I fear not ; that is, if you refer to any one in particular." 
 
 " Of course I do refer to somebody very particular. How 
 could he' better have described Peggy Benedict?" 
 
 I began to feel that I had no business to stand there, 
 gazing with my profane eyes right into their Paradise. So 
 with, " I hope I am not an intruder," I ventured in. 
 
 The pretty tableau was instantly broken up, for both of 
 them rose to meet me. And nothing would do but I must 
 take off my bonnet, and stop to tea. 
 
 " I have only an hour to spare, and if you choose to make 
 me drink a cup of tea during that time, very well. But what 
 were you reading, Mr. Benedict, that has given such a fresh 
 color to Peggy's cheeks ? " 
 
 " A little poem, called ' Factitious Life,' by Eichard 
 Dana. Why not spend the evening here, and read it to 
 us yourself?" 
 
 " And let you and Peggy personate old-fashioned lovers, 
 and illustrate what I read ? " 
 
 " Yes," replied he, laughing ; " that is, I am willing, if 
 Peggy is." 
 
 " It would be a delightful drama ; but, unfortunately, I 
 have come to say good by." 
 
 " Good by ! What do you mean ? "
 
 232 ESPERANCE. 
 
 " That I have resigned my place here, and to-morrow 
 start for Clydeville." 
 
 I had no idea the tidings would cast such a shadow over 
 their sunny faces. And when it was communicated to the 
 mother, she seemed fully to share their feeling. With our 
 united efforts, we could scarcely keep up a social tea-table. 
 
 When I had said my adieus to Mrs. Weatherwax and 
 Peggy, I turned to Philander. 
 
 " Not now, by your permission. I am going to claim my 
 old privilege." 
 
 " But I go to Mr. Richardson's, and from" there to Mrs. 
 Ware's, where I expect to pass the night." 
 
 " That makes no difference. I shall see you safe to your 
 quarters," 
 
 I could not hasten him beyond a slow walk, for he was 
 full of Peggy and Peggy's mother. 
 
 At Mrs. Ware's door, I lingered a moment for a few last 
 words. 
 
 " I shall never find another such friend as you, Miss 
 Frazer. I don't mean Peggy, of course, but she is my wife. 
 And I owe her entirely to you." 
 
 "You give me altogether more credit than I deserve. 
 And, besides, your friendship has been as much to me 
 as mine to you." 
 
 " I thank you for that," warmly shaking my hand. " Now, 
 don't forget our claim on you for a visit." 
 
 " I will not. And some time, I shall hope to see you and 
 Peggy in the East." 
 
 At length, with a hearty " God bless you," he again 
 wrung my hand, and departed. 
 
 " Good Philander Benedict I " I thought, " I shall never 
 look upon your like again."
 
 ESPERANCE. 263 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVIII. 
 
 MY last night in Iron ton. Most full and comforting was 
 my communion with Helen, during its long, sleepless hours. 
 Two or three times she bade me good night, saying that, 
 as I was to journey the next day, I needed rest. And 
 turning my head on my pillow, I would resolutely close my 
 eyes. But presently something would suggest itself which I 
 knew not how to repress, and we would again set sail on 
 the stream of confidential talk. 
 
 At length the first faint ray of morning shot through the 
 window. 
 
 " And you have not slept one wink all night, dear Espy." 
 
 " Nor you." 
 
 " But I shall have a chance to sleep to-day." 
 
 " And I shall be only too glad to catch some naps in the 
 stage, and thus beguile the tedium of my journey." 
 
 Mrs. Ware had an abundant breakfast, but I could take 
 nothing except a cup of coffee, after which Helen accom 
 panied me to Miss Brimblecum's. 
 
 " I learn that Dr. Bentley was here last night," said I, as 
 I returned, after having left her for a moment. " When you 
 see him, please say that I was very sorry to miss his call, 
 and that I left a special good by for him." 
 
 We were then in my chamber, the same which Walter 
 had selected for me so long ago. And now it was to be
 
 264 BSPEBANOB. 
 
 occupied by a stranger. But would it not be haunted by 
 the thoughts and feelings which I had lived into it? And 
 in the spectral hours of night, what if these grim ghosts 
 of the past should come from their hiding-places, and look 
 the new occupant in the face ! This thought I expressed 
 to my friend, as we sat hand in hand. She smiled at my 
 fancy. 
 
 " I have very strong local attachments," I continued. 
 " The rooms which I occupy for any length of time seem to 
 grow so into my being, that I cannot leave them without 
 feeling as if something was torn from me. And I hang all 
 the nails, and fill every cranny and crevice, so full of my 
 own thoughts, that I can never quite dispossess myself of the 
 idea that they retain an occupancy after I myself have 
 deserted the spot." 
 
 " If I were going to succeed you in this room, I should 
 expect continual company from these lingerers." 
 
 " You would, have it. The place would certainly be 
 haunted. But think, Helen, how startled we should be 
 if our thoughts were suddenly to assume form ! I have 
 sometimes had strange fancies of this kind. And were those 
 thoughts and feelings which spring up spontaneously in 
 certain moods, as if to re-assert with emphasis the deep 
 depravity of the human heart, were these dreadful, though 
 unuttered breathings of our lower nature to be project 
 ed into corresponding forms, and stand as it were photo 
 graphed in all their ugliness before us, it seems to me 
 they would terrify and torture the heart as no penal infliction 
 could possibly do. I can conceive of no worse, no more 
 awful hell than forever to be face to face with these fearful 
 phantoms. I remember being impressed with this thought
 
 ESPERANCE. 265 
 
 when reading a poem of Dana's, and how long his words 
 rang in my memory. 
 
 " ' Look there, my soul ! and thine own features trace ! 
 And all through time and down eternity, 
 Where'er thou go'st. that face shall look on thee ! ' " 
 
 " I don't know that I ever had just such a conception, 
 dear Hope. And yet there seems a philosophy in it. But 
 dreadful as is the view in one aspect, in another it is exactly 
 the reverse. To be pure in heart, to have only high and 
 noble thoughts and feelings to be thus mirrored before the 
 soul " 
 
 At this moment the postman's loud horn was heard, and 
 presently the stage rolled up to the door. We exchanged 
 a parting embrace, and went below. Walter, who was to 
 ride out a few miles with us and Joy, followed me into the 
 stage ; the driver cracked his whip, and we were whirled 
 away. As I turned my head, the last object I caught was 
 my beloved Helen standing in the door-way. I waved my 
 handkerchief, she waved hers, and the unsympathizing 
 vehicle jolted us out of her sight. 
 
 One moment ago, our hands were clasped. Now, we 
 were as actually sundered as though the wide sea rolled 
 between us. O Life ! 
 
 My fit of abstraction was broken by finding that we had 
 stopped at the hotel, and that Dr. Bentley was standing by 
 the stage window. Presenting me with a beautiful bouquet, 
 he extended his hand to say farewell. He did not attempt 
 to speak, but I saw that his eye was moist as he turned 
 away. 
 
 We too had parted. 
 23
 
 266 ESPERANCE. 
 
 The relentless wheels bore me onward, yet my heart lin 
 gered. Dropping my thick veil, and hidden behind a broad- 
 shouldered man, who occupied the middle seat, I. took the 
 liberty to weep. Indeed, I could not help it. The last silent 
 parting had affected me more than any other I had passed 
 through. I did not love Dr. Bentley ; with all his worth, 
 and with all my own amiable efforts, I had failed to do this. 
 Yet my friendship for him had something of that tenderness, 
 which we can scarcely help indulging towards one who has 
 shown us a peculiar regard. 
 
 Glad that Mr. Northrup and Joy were absorbed in each 
 other, I fell into a fit of musing, which was not broken 
 till the stage stopped, and Walter bade us adieu. I then 
 taxed my energies for the consolation of my sister. But she 
 too had been wakeful the previous night ; so, after a while, 
 she laid her weary head on my shoulder, and fell asleep. 
 Resting my own against the side of the stage, I also at 
 last slept heavily. 
 
 So we dragged on our tedious way till we arrived at 
 Detroit, where we took the steamboat across the lake for 
 Buffalo. This was a delightful change, and refreshed me 
 more than all the sleep I had had since leaving Ironton. 
 
 As Joy and I sat together on deck, I noticed a gentleman 
 walking slowly back and forth, with folded arms, and eyes 
 bent upon the floor. As he casually lifted his hat, on which 
 he wore, a broad weed, I involuntarily remarked, " What a 
 fine head ! " 
 
 " Whose? " asked Joy. 
 
 " That gentleman's who is walking the deck," I replied, in 
 a low voice. 
 
 " He's not half as handsome as Walter."
 
 ESPERANCE. 267 
 
 " "Walter is very handsome," I replied, with a smile, and 
 we relapsed into silence. 
 
 The stranger's face was grave, but peculiarly expressive ; 
 and as I had nothing to do except to look about, I came to 
 feel a sort of pleasure in watching it. Half an hour, per 
 haps, he had thus promenaded, when, as he had just turned 
 from us to go to the other end of the boat, I happened to say 
 to Joy, " I w.ish I had a book with me." 
 
 Instantly my unknown stopped short, gave me a hasty 
 glance, and then said courteously, " I have a book in my 
 valise which may interest you if you have not read it. It is 
 John Foster's ' Essays.' " 
 
 "I have only read the one "On Decision of Character," 
 but from that specimen, I am sure I should like the book." 
 
 He went below, and presently returning, placed it in my 
 hand, and then withdrew. The first thing I did, when sure 
 he was out of sight, was to turn to the fly-leaf. I was not 
 disappointed. In a bold hand was written " Howard 
 Ferguson," H. F. my own initials. I could not help 
 noting the singular coincidence. But why could he not have 
 put down his residence, while he was about it ? So I thought ; 
 then smiled at my own curiosity. 
 
 The next thing was to glance over the pages hastily, in 
 doing which I caught sight of several pencilled passages. 
 Doubtless they were the cream of the book, and I must 
 secure them first. But this indulgence only stimulated my 
 curiosity, for I was conscious of a warm response to every 
 passage. While thus employed, Joy complained of being 
 tired, and went down to recline in the saloon. ! again 
 opened the book, commencing the essay " On the Applica 
 tion of the Epithet Romantic." I read till I came to the fol 
 lowing passage, which was pencilled heavily :
 
 268 ESPERANCE. 
 
 " I should deem it the indication of a character not des 
 tined to excel in the liberal, the energetic, or the devout 
 qualities, if I observed in the youthful age a close confine 
 ment of thought to bare truth and minute accuracy, with an 
 entire aversion to the splendors, amplifications, and excur 
 sions of fancy. This opinion is warranted by instances of 
 persons so distinguished in youth, who have become subse 
 quently very sensible indeed, but dry, cold, precise, devoted 
 to detail, and incapable of being carried away one moment 
 by any inspiration of the beautiful or the sublime." 
 
 As I was reading this for the second time, I heard a step 
 beside me ; and, looking up, I met the stranger's searching 
 glance. 
 
 " May I ask what interests you so much ? " .; 
 
 I pointed out the passage, though not without slight re 
 luctance. This led to a pleasant discussion, and this, again, 
 to other subjects, in which both of us happened to strike the 
 same key-note. Suddenly, the chambermaid, whom I had 
 requested to have an oversight for me, appeared, saying that 
 as I had no gentleman with me, it was time to take my place 
 at the supper-table. I rose to follow her, when the stranger 
 detained me. 
 
 " I ask pardon, but as you are alone, allow me to attend 
 you. My name is Ferguson." 
 
 " I frankly accept your offer. And I am Miss Frazer." 
 
 He too noticed the coincidence, and, with a smile, quietly 
 remarked, 
 
 " A good Scotch name, like my own, Miss Frazer. Shall 
 we look up your friend ? " 
 
 " My sister? Yes, sir." And, taking his offered arm, we 
 went below, where we found Joy, and proceeded into the 
 dining-hall.
 
 ESPEBANCE. 269 
 
 If any one should pronounce me inconsiderate for so 
 readily accepting the services of a stranger, involving, as 
 it did, subsequent intercourse, I must plead as my apology 
 that he carried in his face the best possible introduction. 
 Besides, his was the instinctive offer of a gentleman, in 
 seeing a lady who needed protection. Why, then, should I 
 have refused it on the ground of mere etiquette ? 
 
 From this time till we reached Buffalo, my sister and I 
 were well cared for. But while attentive and courteous, Mr. 
 Ferguson could not be called social. Our few conversations, 
 however, while they did not afford the slightest clew to his 
 personal history, had the effect greatly to increase the inter 
 est his thoughtful air had at first awakened, and there was 
 that about him which wins instant respect and confidence 
 a kind of magnetism, against which one struggles in vain. 
 From his mourning weeds, I thought it possible that his 
 grave reticence of manner might be owing in part to some 
 peculiar circumstauces. Be that as it may, I did not learn 
 his residence, his profession, if he had one, or his plans, 
 except indeed one of them, which incidentally escaped at the 
 last moment. 
 
 23*
 
 270 ESPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIX. 
 
 I WAS glad that our route did not lead us through Niagara. 
 The place where we have suffered retains its unpleasant asso 
 ciations even when the suffering is over, and I did not feel 
 strength to encounter again the ghosts of memory. 
 
 But as we travelled in that general direction, I could not 
 help speculating painfully upon the mechanism of the soul, 
 over whose tempests of agony so insidiously steals the cold 
 breath of indifference and apathy. 
 
 Not more shifting and inconstant are the sands of the 
 desert, than are the ever-changing feelings of the human 
 heart. At every turn of destiny, the soul assumes a new 
 configuration. Love, hate, scorn, indifference, joy, sorrow, 
 remorse, all its multiplied feelings and passions, give 
 place one to another, blending, separating, appearing, disap 
 pearing, and re-appearing in kaleidoscopic fashion. What is 
 this thing which we deem immortal ? And why. is such a 
 mysterious destiny appointed it? 
 
 Rapidly glided the boat across the beautiful lake. The 
 heavens were of the bluest, and the glassy waters mirrored 
 their tranquil beauty. 
 
 Banishing, so far as I could, all thoughts of the trying 
 scenes I was soon to encounter, I gave myself up to the 
 mingled influences of the charming weather, the prospect, 
 and the occasion. Every hour had its pleasure, every 
 moment its drop of content.
 
 ESPEBANCE. 271 
 
 But the devouring Past, hurrying on with frantic haste, 
 tore from me the Present, with its burden of unconscious 
 happiness, and sent me shrinking into the dreaded Future. 
 
 The steamboat was at the wharf. As we stood on the 
 lower deck, watching the busy crowd, I handed Mr. Fer 
 guson the " Essays." 
 
 " Have you been able to finish the volume? " 
 
 " Not quite." 
 
 " "Will you not, then, do me the favor to retain it? " 
 
 I shook my head. 
 
 " But I have read it twice." 
 
 I still hesitated, saying that I had scruples in appropriat 
 ing the book of a stranger. 
 
 " But do you, then, regard me as a stranger? " 
 
 He gave me such a look, that the telltale blood rushed to 
 my face, as I answered, 
 
 " Not exactly, sir. But I have no claims on you for such 
 a courtesy. Besides, I see it is an English edition, and you 
 may not readily replace it." 
 
 " I hoped it might prove a not unpleasant memento of the 
 brief journey we have made together. It has been truly a 
 pleasant one to me," he added, in a tone of peculiar earnest 
 ness, " although I have carried an absorbed mind, as you 
 may have noticed. One word to remove your scruple ; I 
 hope to see John Foster himself in the course of a few 
 months." 
 
 I looked at him earnestly. 
 
 " I expect to sail shortly for Europe." 
 
 "For a tour on the continent?" almost unconsciously 
 escaped me. 
 
 " For a few years' absence, in the course of which time, 
 I shall, probably, travel somewhat extensively."
 
 272 ESPERANCE. 
 
 At that moment, I could not tell why, a cold shudder 
 passed over me, and my head began to swim. But with a 
 determined effort, I rallied, and, taking the volume which he 
 once more held out, said, with as much calmness as I could 
 assume, 
 
 " I will no longer refuse it." 
 
 One of those smiles that we do not easily forget crossed 
 his countenance. Then he asked, playfully, 
 
 " Will you not intrust me with some commands for 
 Europe?" 
 
 " My homage to the sultan, and all crowned heads, and my 
 love to Switzerland and Italy," in the same playful tone. 
 
 " But will you not let me bring you back some souvenir 
 from the old world ? " 
 
 My eyes dropped beneath his, as I replied, .* . 
 
 " If you put Aladdin's lamp into my hand, I will, perhaps, 
 venture to express a single wish ; " and there I hesitated. 
 
 " What is it, Miss Frazer? " 
 
 " That you pluck me a flower from the shores of Gen- 
 nesaret." 
 
 " I will," in a voice that trembled a little. 
 
 Then he took my hand in silence. 
 
 Another parting ! 
 
 And what excuse can I offer for the depression which fol 
 lowed it ? But have you, then, never felt a keener pang at 
 parting with a comparative stranger, than with a near rela 
 tive, or an intimate acquaintance ? And why, but that the 
 strong, recognized ties, binding you to the familiar friend, 
 bring relief to the farewell-moment ? The separation is pain 
 ful, but your communion is not interrupted. You may ex-
 
 ' 
 ESPEBANCE. 273 
 
 change letters ; at all events, your claims on each other are 
 acknowledged, and you confidently expect to meet again. 
 
 But between you and this other, so late a stranger, there 
 are no such external bonds. You may have had glimpses of 
 each other's inmost soul ; you may have interwoven pre 
 cious threads of thought and sentiment. No matter ! At 
 the appointed moment, the relentless Parcas cut those inter 
 mingled threads, and you have no expectation that they will 
 ever be rejoined. Or, if some sweet hope insidiously nestles 
 into your bosom, you dare not look at it, you sternly order 
 it out, you bar the door against its return, and then, per 
 haps, sit down and weep because it is gone.
 
 274 ESPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XL. 
 
 ONCE more I rode through the old linden avenue. Again 
 I stood on those broad stone steps, and glanced hastily 
 round. The place was unchanged, but I was no longer the 
 same being as when I last left it. The difference between 
 then and now, was as that between love's glowing dream, and 
 its cold, gray ashes. 
 
 Silently entering the door, a chilling breeze seemed to pass 
 over me, as if there had been a recent funeral in the man 
 sion. 
 
 " Miss Hope," said John Riley, after we had exchanged 
 salutations, " Mr. Frazer wishes to see you in the library." 
 
 So, laying my bonnet on the hall table, and opening the 
 door, I saw my father as he stood leaning against a high- 
 backed chair. I hastened towards him, and threw my arms 
 round his neck. And the dear man stooped and kissed me. 
 
 Never shall I forget that moment the first time in my 
 life that he had given me such a token of affection. I had 
 long ceased to feel the exceeding bitterness of my dreadful 
 early humiliation. But the scar had remained in my heart, 
 ineffaceable, as I thought. By the wondrous magic of that 
 paternal kiss, it was instantly, and forever, removed. 
 
 I helped him to a seat, and then, standing beside him, tried 
 to give vent to my sympathy and affection. I could feel him 
 tremble, as with tender reverence I put back his silvered
 
 ESPERANCB. 275 
 
 locks, and ventured to press my lips on that brow, furrowed 
 more by trial than by years. 
 
 " I have come, dearest father, to claim a daughter's privi 
 lege of ministering to you." 
 
 A tear dropped from his eyes, while he groaned aloud. I 
 asked if Joy might come, and, upon his assent, went in search 
 of her. I told her that our father was greatly broken by his 
 trials, and that we must treat him with the utmost tender 
 ness and respect. Then taking her hand, we descended the 
 familiar staircase. 
 
 He was sitting where I had left him. Joy knelt, and 
 put up her lips to his. It was a sweet picture that 
 radiant young face laid against his haggard and prema 
 turely wrinkled cheek. 
 
 Looking at her earnestly, 
 
 "*Y"ou are the image of your dear mother, as she was 
 when I first saw her." 
 
 Ah ! he was beginning to do her justice now. 
 
 That night John brought me a letter which Mrs. Frazer 
 had charged him to deliver into my hands. I tore it open, 
 and hastily ran over the following lines : 
 
 " It is all over, Esperance. My doom has at length seized 
 me. In an angry moment, I mockingly told Mr. Frazer that 
 from the very beginning of our acquaintance, he had been my 
 dupe. Since that moment he has been a hateful tyrant. 
 "When he found, by his despicable spies, for he was not too 
 mean to employ them, that I was corresponding with Levere, 
 he set himself about an application for a divorce. He would 
 not have scrupled one moment to drag me before the world, 
 and ruthlessly to blast my reputation. And since, in any
 
 276 ESPERANCE. 
 
 event, I must be publicly disgraced, I may as well secure 
 what consolation I can. Therefore I flee to a freer land 
 with one; who, in spite of my better judgment, has long 
 ruled in my heart. He may, perchance, break it in the end, 
 for his nature is cold and merciless. Yet I shall enjoy a few 
 rapturous days. And when I have thus inflicted a deadly 
 wound on Mr. Frazer's proud heart, my revenge will be 
 ample. 
 
 But, Espy, I am truly sorry to grieve you. I know you 
 will think me dreadfully wrong a monster thus to desert 
 my child. It almost breaks my heart to think of her. But 
 you are noble. You will be a mother to my little Ednah, 
 and bring her up to be pure and good, as I, alas ! never was. 
 Say nothing of this to your father, or he will be sure to 
 'thwart my wishes. 
 
 EDNAH." 
 
 " Where is Ednah ? " I asked Nancy, the next morning. 
 
 " She is kept in the children's rooms, clean out of the way 
 of your father. Somehow, he seems to have taken a dread 
 ful spite against her." 
 
 I followed her to the nursery, where, taking a key out of 
 her pocket, she unlocked the door. I looked surprised. 
 
 "Them's the orders, and we darsen't break 'em. You've 
 no idee, Miss Hope, what awful times we've had here. And 
 I'm sure I never was so thankful in my life as to hear you 
 was a-coming home." 
 
 Listless and unhappy, if one could judge by her face, stood 
 the poor child, a perfect miniature of her mother, drumming 
 on the table. The floor was strewn with dolls and broken 
 toys, while, tipped back in a rocking-chair by the window,
 
 ESPERANCE. 277 
 
 with her feet lifted up on a stool, sat Dolly, her young nurse, 
 deep in a story book. My sympathies were at once drawn 
 out towards my little sister in her truly orphan condition ; 
 and seating myself, I took her into my lap, and looked kindly 
 into her cloudy, hazel eyes. 
 
 " Ednah, I am your sister Espy." 
 
 She gave back my earnest look, and then threw her arms 
 round my neck, exclaiming, 
 
 " Take me to mamma, then. She is angry when papa has 
 me shut up." 
 
 Gradually soothing the excited child, I told her I had 
 come from a great way off to stay at home, and that, if she 
 was good, she should be my own little girl, and sleep with 
 me. This was an impulsive promise, but my heart 
 warmed strangely towards her. And besides, was not my 
 duty plain? 
 
 Not long after, my father told me he had been waiting till 
 I came, before he determined where to send little Ednah. I 
 ventured to express my wish to take charge of her myself. 
 As he seemed greatly displeased, I immediately turned the 
 subject. So it was left unnamed between us for some weeks. 
 I fulfilled my promise to the child, but it required constant 
 watchfulness to keep her out of my father's way. To him I 
 devoted most of my time, reading the newspapers aloud, 
 singing and playing for his amusement, and taking daily 
 drives with him. So that I had only odd moments to give 
 Ednah. But then she often woke when I came to my room 
 at night, begging for " more tory." 
 
 When the management of affairs had pretty much come 
 into my own hands, I felt that it was time to decide about 
 24
 
 278 ESPEBANCB. 
 
 the child. So I asked him one day, assuming that she was 
 to remain, 
 
 " Don't you think our little girl can have a wider range 
 without annoying you?" 
 
 The shades gathered on his face. 
 
 " You know not how strong my dislike is to that child." 
 
 " But, dear father " 
 
 "And then, I cannot hear that name uttered." 
 
 " I feel as you do about that. But suppose \ve should call 
 her Vesta ! " 
 
 " Well, Hope," he said, after a long pause, " I have 
 thwarted you enough. For your sake I yield." 
 
 Hoping for this result, I had previously accustomed the 
 household and the little girl herself to her new name, and 
 also to speak of he father as Mr. Frazer. That night I 
 told her she was to go where she pleased, but that, as Mr. 
 Frazer had not been well, she must be quiet while with him, 
 and not ask questions. Her joy knew no bounds, and she 
 would be "the bestest girl I ever saw." As indeed she was, 
 being careful to put a curb on her spirits in the presence of 
 her father. I noticed, however, that she eyed him with curi 
 osity, and something of dread, which at length was softened 
 to pity. 
 
 One day after dinner, as my father, according to his custom, 
 sat back in his chair, Vesta asked me, 
 
 " May I carry the little cricket and put it under Mr. 
 Frazer's feet? I will be so softly." 
 
 " Yes, dear." 
 
 She went on tiptoe, and having placed it before him, she 
 stood a moment looking wistfully into his face. Then she 
 turned to me,
 
 ESPERANCE. 279 
 
 " May I say just one thing? " 
 
 " I think you may." 4 
 
 "I am sorry you have been sick, Mr. Frazer. Mayn't I 
 love you a little ? " 
 
 He was fairly overcome ; and opening his arms, she 
 climbed into his lap, and softly stroked his withered cheek, 
 till the tears trickled down over it. 
 
 "Have I been naughty, Mr. Frazer?" 
 
 " No, child ; but you must call me papa." 
 
 She looked over at me triumphantly. 
 
 " And may I tell you ever so many questions? " 
 
 " As many as you please." 
 
 " Do you hear that, Epsy ? " Then turning to him, " She 
 said I mustn't tell you any questions, and that I must call 
 you Mr. Frazer." 
 
 " Ask her leave, then." 
 
 "May I, Epsy?" 
 
 " Always mind papa." 
 
 So the reconciliation was sealed. And it bore sweet fruits 
 for both father and child. 
 
 I think I have not stated that after my brother was ex 
 pelled, he had been sent on a whaling voyage. During that 
 winter the news of his sudden death came to us. I could 
 see that, in addition, to my father's grief, he struggled with a 
 load of self-reproaches. And if he suffered from remorse, I 
 was by no means exempt, for I had worse than wasted all 
 my opportunities of acquiring a sisterly influence over him. 
 But a subject so painful, and about which there was so little 
 to be said, found no place in our conversation. And from 
 that time, the name of Horatio was dropped from among us.
 
 280 ESPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XLI. 
 
 HAVING completed his studies, Mr. Northrup had estab 
 lished himself in Refton, about thirty miles from Clydeville. 
 He and Joy together, especially as my father had been in 
 duced to join them, were more than a match for me ; so it 
 was settled that they were to be married early in the spring. 
 And a busy winter we had in making up pretty things for 
 the bride. 
 
 At length the long anticipated day arrived. The wedding, 
 which was a private one, occurred in the morning ; after 
 which the happy pair took their departure. I had become 
 tenderly attached to Joy, and the house seemed very lonely 
 without her. But I saw that my father was depressed, and 
 for his sake I made a great effort to wear a cheerful counte 
 nance. Under these circumstances, our little Vesta proved a 
 genuine sunbeam. If she was long out of his sight, my 
 father invariably missed her. The pretty creature well 
 understood her importance, and knew how to turn it to good 
 account. So that many was the frolic into which she drew 
 him, grave as he was. 
 
 " Whoa, Jerry ! " And Dr. Belden reined in the old 
 beast, calling out, "How are you, Miss Epsy? as the 
 little one has it." 
 
 " All the better for your painstaking to inquire."
 
 ESPERANCE. 
 
 " But there you are mistaken, my young lady. I stopped 
 with no such design at all." 
 
 " Excuse me ; I will pass on." 
 
 " Stop, I say. What a smart piece you are ! " 
 
 " Did you stop me to make that assertion?" 
 
 " I cannot do anything with you in the street. I might 
 talk all day, and never come to the point. Get in will 
 you?" 
 
 " But I am in too much haste to enjoy a ride." 
 
 " I haven't asked you to ride. I only want to drive round 
 the corner." 
 
 " But I have no wish for such a drive." 
 
 Instantly the still active doctor was on the ground, when, 
 taking me by the arm, he lifted me with an energetic " Get 
 ,in, without any more ado." 
 
 Seeing that he was in earnest, I obeyed, and we were 
 presently in motion. 
 
 " What trouble you girls like to give an old fellow ! " said 
 he, looking comically at me over his glasses. " I should like 
 to see you under subjection that's what I should." 
 
 " That, you do see at this moment. What but your au 
 thority seated me in this buggy ? " 
 
 " Is that so ? Then I must improve my chance, or your fit 
 of obedience will be over. I was just going to ride on to the 
 hill, to invite you to take tea with us to-night, when, fortu 
 nately, the old adage proved true, and you were on hand to 
 answer for yourself." 
 
 " Do you still invite me ? " 
 
 " Of course I do." 
 
 " But have you any particular reason for my coming to 
 night. If not, I should prefer another day." 
 24*
 
 282 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 " But wife and I do happen to have the most particular 
 reasons." 
 
 " Am I permitted to ask for them? " 
 
 " Certainly, but you will get no answer. You are to 
 come, though ; on that point, I am strenuous." 
 
 " In full dress?" asked I, laughing. 
 
 " No. Wear something half way between." 
 
 " Are you particular as to the time? " 
 
 " To be sure. Come at five, precisely. I shall then be at 
 home." 
 
 " I will be punctual. And now, if you have done with me, 
 I should like to dismount from your buggy." 
 
 " I can take you a little farther." 
 
 "I have some shopping to do, and this is my nearest 
 point." 
 
 At the appointed hour, I stood at Dr. Belden's door. 
 Coming to meet me himself, he took me by both hands, 
 and was about putting me into the parlor. 
 
 " Have you other company?" asked I, holding back. 
 
 " Only a little no strangers." 
 
 " But you must let me take off my bonnet, and look at 
 myself," said I, resolutely drawing away my hands. 
 
 " Oh, the vanity of women ! " And he opened the door 
 into the sitting-room, where hung a small looking-glass. 
 " Now, gaze ! " placing me square before it. 
 
 " I intend to," replied I, throwing off my things. Then 
 smoothing my hair, and arranging my collar and sleeves, I 
 took a general survey of myself in the glass. 
 
 As soon as I withdrew, he took my place, and having 
 coolly imitated my performance, turned round and gravely 
 asked, "Will I do?"
 
 ESPERANCE. 283 
 
 " Passably." 
 
 " Then let us proceed." 
 
 On entering the parlor, the first object that I caught 
 sight of was a venerable man sitting in an arm-chair. He 
 was talking with Mrs. Belden, and I could not see his face. 
 But, as he turned, great was my amazement and delight at 
 encountering my dear, good Dr. Kendrick, of Crawford 
 memory. He seemed equally glad to see me, though not 
 surprised, as he was expecting my appearance. 
 
 We shook hands again and again, all the time looking 
 earnestly at each other. 
 
 " You are greatly changed, Miss Hope. If I had not 
 been forewarned, I should hardly have known you." 
 
 " It is several years since those Crawford days, and I have 
 had time to grow old. But you, sir, are scarcely altered, 
 except, indeed, that your hair is a little whiter. I should 
 have known you in Jerusalem." 
 
 " I should like to meet you in that place," replied he, smil 
 ing kindly. 
 
 We soon returned to the past ; and, in reply to his ques 
 tions, I told him something of my internal history, not 
 omitting to mention the mistake into which I fell at the time 
 I knew him. 
 
 " I tried my best, sir, to make duty answer instead of love ; 
 but I had no spiritual enjoyment till I learned another gospel." 
 
 "It is very likely I was in part to blame for such an 
 error," said he, with great candor. " I, too, have learned 
 more of love since that time. It is the key-stone, and noth 
 ing can take its place." 
 
 We then made mutual inquiries concerning some of my
 
 284 ESPERANCE. 
 
 old .fellow-pupils, with many of whom he had been acquaint 
 ed. Among others, I asked him if he had ever heard of 
 Belinda Lawson. 
 
 " She went out to the valley of the Mississippi as a teacher, 
 where she married an excellent home missionary, and has 
 made as energetic, industrious, and self-sacrificing a laborer 
 as there is in the whole valley." 
 
 " I'll venture to say you found our young friend, here, a 
 hard case," said Dr. Belden, when a pause occurred. 
 
 " Rather a hard one, sir. She was always trying to solve 
 mysteries a very unsatisfactory employment. But she 
 yielded at last, and I had much hope of her." 
 
 " She has a little of the old leaven yet," added the doctor, 
 dryly, casting a sly glance at me. 
 
 " The tempter has not deserted our earth, as you see, sir," 
 replied I, addressing myself to Dr. Kendrick. 
 
 After supper, the good man and I sat down together in a 
 cosy corner, and had a long, delightful conversation, which 
 thoroughly warmed my heart towards him. 
 
 "What do you think of the reverend divine now?" 
 asked Dr. Belden, as he went home with me. 
 
 "I think him wonderfully improved. He could not 
 be better than he was, but he is far more genial and 
 lovable." 
 
 " And how do you account for the change, my little lady? 
 On the principle that good wine grows better as it grows 
 older?" 
 
 " Not altogether. At the time I knew him, he had an 
 abruptness, almost sharpness of manner, occasioned, perhaps, 
 by a kind of sternness in his belief. Indeed, I may as well
 
 ESPERANCE. 285 
 
 admit that there was a certain dogmatism about him ; and 
 that is always repellent. But in silvering his hair, time 
 seems not only to have softened the sharp edges of his 
 theology, but to have mellowed his whole nature." 
 
 " The Spirit has long dwelt in his heart, and you know 
 that among the fruits of that Spirit are long-suffering, gen 
 tleness, goodness, and meekness." 
 
 "As, however, we sometimes have to take these fruits for 
 granted, it is particularly pleasant to get a sight of them. 
 Formerly, I liked Dr. Kendrick in spite of himself; but 
 now, he is so charming that one cannot help positively 
 loving him." 
 
 We walked on silently, till I suddenly exclaimed, 
 
 " But I have not yet asked you how you came to know 
 Dr. Kendrick." 
 
 " Bless you, child ! he was my minister, when I was a 
 lad, and used to hear me recite my catechise." 
 
 Walter and Joy had been home two or three times ; but 
 my father had never been able to make up his mind to visit 
 them at Eefton, and I was unwilling to go without him. 
 Towards the last of December, we received a letter from 
 Walter, informing us of their welcome Christmas gift in the 
 shape of a son and heir. 
 
 " And he is my niece, and I am his aunty," said Vesta, 
 jumping up and down, and clapping her hands for joy. 
 
 " Your nephew, you mean," said her grandpa, who was 
 scarcely less delighted than she. 
 
 " Shall you not be prevailed on to visit Refton now ? " I 
 inquired. 
 
 " In a few weeks we will all go ; that is, if the sleighing 
 continues good."
 
 286 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 I wrote immediately of our intentions, begging the privi 
 lege of naming the child, which I promised to do on our 
 arrival. In the mean time they must call him baby. 
 
 Walter answered as follows : 
 
 " We cordially assent to your request, dear Sister, though 
 with some curiosity as to your choice. I presume, however, 
 that you are intending to honor our son and heir with one of 
 the most illustrious names that grace the annals of history. 
 I only beg, in behalf of the unconscious child, that you will 
 not select such a one as he will be likely to eschew when he 
 arrives of age. 
 
 We shall be eagerly anticipating your visit, and we 
 promise you all the best entertainment for mind and body. 
 
 WALTER NORTHRUP. 
 
 P. S. Be sure and not choose Lycurgus, ^Eschylus, 
 or Demosthenes. And if you prefer a Scripture name, be 
 ware of Jehoiakim, Nebuchadnezzar, and Zebedee. To 
 almost anything else we will submit." 
 
 " Where is my ownty downty nephew? " was Vesta's first 
 question, on our arrival at Refton. 
 
 The new planet was speedily brought forward, and exhib 
 ited to our admiring gaze. 
 
 " Now for his name," said Walter, " for we cannot wait 
 another minute." 
 
 " His name," said I, laying him in my father's arms, " is 
 Horatio Frazer." 
 
 He tenderly kissed him, and then giving him to Walter, 
 he held me to his heart, softly murmuring, " God bless you, 
 my child ! "
 
 E8PERANCE. 287 
 
 CHAPTER XLII. 
 
 "Miss HOPE FRAZER, 
 
 CLYDEVILLE, N. Y." 
 
 So was the square, thin parcel directed, which had just 
 arrived by Express, pre-paid from New York city. When 
 Ann brought it up stairs, I was sitting by my chamber win 
 dow, writing to Joy. I took it in my hands, and turned it 
 all round, wondering what it could be, for I had ordered 
 nothing, and was expecting nothing. I slowly untied the 
 string, and opened the thick brown wrapper. Then appeared 
 another of white drawing paper, on which the same direction 
 was written, though in a very different hand. 
 
 What was there in my own name that arrested my atten 
 tion, and quickened my pulses ? It was in a handwriting of 
 which I had seen but a single specimen only two words. 
 Yet I knew it in one moment. It was the very same capital 
 H. and F. 
 
 Then a feeling which had no voice, surged up from the 
 depths of my being " He has not forgotten thee, O wait 
 ing Heart." It stirred me like a touch from some loved 
 spirit-hand, and, strangely agitated, I bowed my head upon 
 my desk. Presently I lifted it, and looking again at the 
 white wrapper, I caught sight of some lightly pencilled words 
 in one corner. They were simply, " From Italy." But they
 
 288 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 explained the whole. The parcel had been sent with other 
 packages to New York, with the request that it should be 
 enclosed and forwarded. But what did it contain? 
 
 My trembling fingers could scarcely loosen the knot, tied 
 so carefully in that far-off land. Yet I would not cut it. 
 So, resting a moment, I tried again, and with better success. 
 Eagerly removing the covering, my treasure was revealed. 
 It was the beautiful engraving founded on the legend of St. 
 Christopher. 
 
 Long I sat gazing upon it with dim, tearful eyes. At 
 length I went to my book-shelves, and, taking down a familiar 
 book, I turned to the fly-leaf, and compared the writing there 
 with that on the inner wrapper of the parcel. Not that I 
 needed to do it, but because I found pleasure in re-assuring 
 myself of what I already knew. Then, carefully cutting out 
 the direction, I laid it in the book. I did this to preserve 
 it, and with no other design. But, having done so, I could 
 not avoid an indefinable emotion at seeing, side by side, 
 those two names, with the same initials, and written by the 
 same hand. 
 
 How long my reverie lasted I know not. But I was sud 
 denly roused by discordant words. Reason was sharply ex 
 postulating " Have you not suffered enough, foolish Heart? 
 Would you venture once more within the fatal precincts of 
 Dreamland ? " 
 
 Then my heart pleaded that I was still too young utterly 
 to renounce what is dearest in life. 
 
 " But would you cheat yourself again ? And now, you have 
 not the slightest foundation on which to build." 
 
 " How learned you that? There are things in heaven and 
 earth not revealed to your cold eyes. What if I should tell
 
 ESPERANCE. 289 
 
 you of looks and tones, still treasured up, which I know 
 were not false ! " 
 
 " Beware, or thy fair castle will be tumbling, and drag 
 thee down in its ruins." 
 
 "In spite of your warning, I shall cling to my faith. 
 There are those who cannot deceive." 
 
 In this contest, Instinct prevailed over Reason. But a 
 sharp pang had suddenly seized me, and that not for the first 
 time. It was the memory of my betrothal to Walter. 
 
 " "Would that it had never been ! " was my earnest 
 thought, "that so, if I should meet my ideal, I could 
 present him a heart on which no name had been written. 
 Yet should my true mate appear, he will find that, so far 
 from being impoverished in my capacities of affection, I am 
 all the richer for my experience." 
 
 Arousing myself, I smiled sadly at my own soliloquy. If 
 those severed threads were indeed to be rejoined, it could 
 only be in the far future. In the mean time I had plenty of 
 work to do. 
 
 So I tried to set myself about something ; but imagination 
 had got the start, and it was hard to fetter its wings. At 
 length it occurred to me that it would be a good time to look 
 over my Crawford journal, which I had long been wishing 
 to do, but had deferred for lack of courage. I could bear it 
 now. Rapidly running over the hasty record, I could no't 
 help contrasting my present condition with the almost un 
 broken wilderness of my childhood. The piece which 
 Eleanor Cottrell had stolen and criticised, was an exact 
 transcript of my old morbid state. It was indeed, as I had 
 called it, the " Cry of my Heart." And its perusal, some 
 how, seemed to bring me back into my old, miserable mood. 
 25
 
 
 ESPER ANCE. 
 
 In order to exorcise this spirit, I hastily penned a few verses, 
 which, if no better poetry, at least breathe a more Christian 
 spirit. 
 
 THE ANSWERING VOICE. 
 
 Thou wanderer down Life's rapid stream, 
 On whom shines no celestial beam, 
 O'er whose frail bark wild billows break, 
 And must thou, then, a shipwreck make ? 
 
 Look yonder, where, through clouds afar, 
 Gleams on thee Bethlehem's cheering star. 
 Upon that star now fix thine eye, 
 And thou shalt know a Friend is nigh. 
 
 Engird thy bark with Faith's sure band, 
 And place in mine thy trusting hand, 
 So will I guide thee to that shore, f 
 Where angry billows break no more. 
 
 For thee has no relentless Fate 
 Poured out a poisoned cup of hate ; 
 A Father's hand thy lot ordains, 
 His heart thine aching heart sustains. 
 
 In every struggling, doubting hour, 
 Shall Faith reveal her conquering power ; 
 And in Affliction's darkest night, 
 Shall clearest shine her holy light. 
 
 Reposing thus upon my breast, 
 In quietness thy soul shall rest, 
 Till all these storms of life are o'er, 
 And thou hast gained th' eternal shore.
 
 ESPERANCE. 291 
 
 CHAPTER XLIII. 
 
 Two years and a half since my return from Ironton, and 
 in all that time not a word of tidings concerning Ednah ! 
 But I could not banish her from my mind. And of late I 
 had thought of her more than ever. 
 
 One night I had a strangely vivid dream, in which, with a 
 haggard face and clasped hands, she appeared before me, im 
 ploring help. When I awoke, the sad image still haunted me. 
 
 About ten o'clock, I was summoned to the parlor to meet 
 Dr. Belden. He wore so grave a face, that I instinctively 
 exclaimed, 
 
 " You have brought news from Ednah." 
 
 " You are a wonderful diviner," replied he, handing me a 
 letter directed to himself in her well-known writing. 
 
 " DR. BELDEN : May I beg you, with your own hand, to 
 deliver the enclosed to Miss Frazer? 
 
 EDNAH HALSTED." 
 
 Greatly agitated, I broke the seal, and, tearing open the 
 letter, devoured its contents at a glance. 
 
 "MvsTic, May 10th. 
 
 " DEAREST ESPERANCE : I plunged into sin, which, in its 
 turn, has plunged me into misery and want. We, too, have
 
 292 ESPERANCE. 
 
 parted. That basest of men drove me wild with anger. I 
 vented it in his face, and, leaving him in France, I am here, 
 only twelve miles from you, worn out, faded, sick and 
 poor, with but one desire to embrace my child. If you 
 hesitate to grant it, at least come to me yourself, and let me 
 beseech you on my knees. You will not scorn me, Hope. 
 You are the only being I can trust on the broad earth. If 
 you could know what I have suffered, bad as I am, you 
 would pity me. But I can write no more. The thought 
 of being so near my darling has produced an excitement 
 which exhausts my strength." 
 
 Adding directions how to find her, she closed her unhappy 
 letter. I handed it to the doctor. As he read it, he was 
 more than once obliged to take out his handkerchief, and 
 rub his glasses. 
 
 " You will go," said he, emphatically. " I will carry you 
 over myself, for she may need medical advice." 
 
 " How soon ? " 
 
 " At half past eleven." 
 
 Finding my father, I told him that, with his permission, 
 Dr. Belden and I were going out for a drive, and might not 
 be back till night. 
 
 " Go, by all means, for it will do you good." 
 
 It was between one and two when we drove up to the 
 Mystic tayern and lunched. Then I walked over to Mrs. 
 Parsons's cottage, and inquired for Mrs. Halsted, as she had 
 directed. I was shown into a small room, where, lying on 
 a couch covered with coarse patch, reclined the once beautiful 
 Ednah. In a moment she was on the floor, with her hands 
 clasping my knees.
 
 ESPEBANCE. 293 
 
 " No, dear Ednah, you must not kneel to me ;" and, assist 
 ing her back, I stooped down, and tenderly kissed her. 
 
 This overcame her, and, throwing her arms round my 
 neck, she clung to me in silence. At length she whispered 
 the name of her child. 
 
 " She is very well, and shall come and see you to 
 morrow." 
 
 She warmly pressed my hand, but could not reply. I 
 then gave her a brief account of what had taken place since 
 she left, not omitting the change of the child's name. At 
 the recital of my father's relenting, and his present great 
 kindness, she turned very pale, murmuring, 
 
 " If he is kind to my darling, I revoke my curse." 
 
 She then told me that, in order to reach America, she had 
 been obliged to dispose of her jewels, and was now pos 
 sessed of only a few dollars. 
 
 " I suppose I shall end my days in an almshouse," said 
 she, with a bitter smile ; " that is, unless I have the courage 
 to shorten them. But for my child, I should have floated out 
 into the darkness before now. You remember, I don't bar 
 lieve in any hereafter. Nothing after death, for me, but 
 oblivion ! Oh, how I long for oblivion ! " 
 
 She closed her eyes, but in a moment sprang up with the 
 look of a maniac, exclaiming, " There they are the fiends ! 
 They never fail to come when I talk of death. Dancing 
 round me ! they come nearer ! they clutch at my soul ! 
 Oh, save me ! " And with a piercing shriek, she sank back 
 exhausted. 
 
 The noise brought in Dr. Belden, who immediately gave 
 her a quieting draught. In a few minutes she was asleep, 
 while we sat in silence, noting her sunken eyes, and her 
 25*
 
 294 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 worn, haggard face. Then I looked at the doctor, who sadly 
 shook his head, repeatedly wiping his eyes. 
 
 " She needs entire rest, and a generous diet, with the best 
 of cordials. I have some very old wine of the first qual 
 ity, which I Avill bring over to-morrow." 
 
 She was awake when we left, and earnestly repeated, 
 " You will bring her? " 
 
 " Yes, Ednah, if you will promise not to talk in her pres 
 ence as you have to-day." 
 
 An expression of pain crossed her face as she replied, " I 
 do promise." 
 
 For a little distance my companion and I rode in silence. 
 But at length he broke out, 
 
 " My God, what a wreck she is ! " adding, presently, in 
 a more cheerful tone, " But we must save her body and 
 soul." 
 
 " Has she any particular disease?" 
 
 " No ; her malady is mostly mental. But she must have 
 the very best of care." Then, turning to me, he exclaimed, 
 " Why, how you look, child ! You've got on your old 
 churchyard face. It'll never do in the world to go home 
 to your father in that style. He'll think you've been robbed 
 and murdered. So cheer up, cheer up. It will all come 
 right in the end." 
 
 Making a great effort to throw off the weight which op 
 pressed me, I asked, " How can we best manage this mat 
 ter?" 
 
 " Oh, I've planned it all out. Putting the present time out 
 of the question, you look miserably." 
 
 " I always did that."
 
 ESPEBANCE. 295 
 
 " Nay, none of your Cayenne peppering now. The long 
 and the short of it is, you need recruiting. I shall see your 
 father to-night, and recommend that you go to Saratogy for 
 a few weeks. You needn't shake your wise head. It is just 
 the prescription for Mrs. Frazer beg your pardon for 
 Mrs. Holster." 
 
 " Halsted." 
 
 " Halsted, then. It's rather early in the season, but better 
 for her than if it were the fashionable time. And you could 
 take Vesty along." 
 
 "But my father?" 
 
 " Hist ! I haven't done yet. When you are all off at 
 Saratogy, I reckon I can gradually break the matter to him. 
 And I think he's enough of a Christian now to be persuaded 
 to settle something on the poor woman he once thought so 
 much of. What do you say to my scheme ? " 
 
 " A very good one, if you can make it work." 
 
 " It'll work fast enough, if you'll only put your shoulder 
 to the wheel. I'll warrant that." 
 
 As we drove into the avenue, "I hope you are intend 
 ing to invite me to tea to-night, for I'm in a hurry to begin." 
 
 " Will you stop and take tea with us this evening, Dr. 
 Belden?" 
 
 " You see, Mr. Frazer," I heard him say, as I was enter 
 ing the room, " there's nothing like those mineral waters for 
 fetching up the appetite and strength, and for curing all sorts 
 of spleen ; " and he gave me a sly wink. 
 
 " I agree with you, doctor. And I wish you could per 
 suade Hope to go and spend a few weeks there. Indeed, 
 I've half a mind to go myself."
 
 296 ESPERANCE. 
 
 The doctor knit his brows, and, with a doleful face, re 
 plied, 
 
 " I recommend you to keep in your corner at home. Such 
 gayeties are not for men of our age. But, for a reasonable 
 sum, I'll engage to persuade this perverse daughter of yours 
 to start in one week ; " and he nodded his head energetically. 
 
 " I fully authorize your attempt." 
 
 " And don't you think Vesty had better accompany her?" 
 
 " I don't know how I could spare them both afr once." 
 
 " I thought the little chipper one might keep up Hope's 
 spirits." 
 
 " Well, perhaps she had better go, then." 
 
 " I'll come and see you every day, sir, if my company is 
 worth anything." 
 
 " Thank you ; it will be a great comfort." 
 
 " Suppose I should take Hope and Vesty out on a drive 
 to-morrow ? " 
 
 " A very good plan, if you can find time." 
 
 " Oh, yes ; for I give most of my business to my young 
 partner. Well, my lady, shall we start at nine ? " 
 
 Vesta was delighted at the proposal of a drive with us. 
 And all the way to Mystic she chatted like a magpie. I had 
 sometimes talked to her of her mother who had gone over 
 the waters. When I told her of the long journey she had 
 taken to see her, she was wild with excitement. 
 
 The scene that took place in the cottage I shall not at 
 tempt to describe. Sure I am that no eye could have beheld 
 it unmoistened. That childish, blooming face of innocence 
 by the side of that faded, pallid, suffering countenance, 
 what a contrast they formed ! And it was the more striking 
 from the singular resemblance between the two.
 
 ESPEBANCE. 297 
 
 Ednah had evidently feared that her child would be alien 
 ated from her. And when she found how different it was, 
 she thanked me with great emotion. It seemed as if she 
 could never gaze enough on that sweet face. 
 
 As we were returning home, I told Vesta she had better 
 say nothing about her mother. 
 
 "Not to papa?" 
 
 " No, my dear." 
 
 She opened her great, wondering eyes upon me, as if per 
 plexed, but, at the same time, readily assented, saying, 
 
 " I will not speak one word if you will take me to see her 
 again. I will be so careful." 
 
 The next day I overheard the following colloquy : 
 " Did you have a pleasant drive yesterday? " 
 '" Yes, papa." 
 " Where did you go ? " 
 
 " I mustn't tell," assuming a look of vast importance. 
 " Did you call anywhere?" 
 
 " You mustn't ask, papa, because it's my secret." 
 " Where did you put your book, Vesta?" I asked, rush 
 ing to the rescue. " Run quick, and find it." 
 " But, please, don't tell him the secret." 
 " No, no, child ; run along."
 
 298 ESPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XLIV. 
 
 THE next week, we went to Saratoga, taking the rooms 
 which Dr. Belden had engaged for us in one of the most 
 retired houses. Ednah was so feeble that, at first, I had 
 serious fears concerning her ; but, after a time, she began 
 slowly to recruit. It was my most earnest desire to see her a 
 sincere penitent. The obstacles in the way, however, were 
 great, and I was far less sanguine as to any efforts of my 
 own than I had been in the case of my friend, Eleanor 
 Granger. Indeed, I had learned such self-distrust from my 
 past failures, that I shunned all argument. 
 
 As Ednah gained strength, her mental conflicts increased. 
 She did not, however, forget her promise, being always care 
 ful how she talked in the presence of her child. But some 
 times, when we were alone, the bitter unbelief and defiance 
 of her heart burst forth spontaneously. 
 
 One day, when Vesta had gone to ride with some other 
 children, I sat reading to her in her chamber. She evidently 
 paid no attention to what I 'read, and suddenly broke out 
 almost fiercely, 
 
 " Can you tell me, Esperance, why I was born ? Or, if 
 doomed to exist, why destiny has forever thwarted me ? 
 No, you cannot," she continued with vehemence. " You say, 
 it is God who orders every event. Well ! grant there is 
 a God. Then, I affirm that He is a Being hard and inexo-
 
 E8PERANCE. 299 
 
 rable as fate, creating us with passions which we have no 
 power to control, and then launching us upon an existence, 
 where He has provided beforehand every variety of snare to 
 lure us to destruction. We cannot lift a finger to help our 
 selves. If we attempt to escape, then comes along some 
 fierce temptation, Providence, I suppose you would call it, 
 and, with resistless force, bears us down the swift current. 
 After this, according to your faith, come the consequences, 
 viz., everlasting punishment. We are first doomed to sin, 
 and then doomed to punishment, for fulfilling our doom. Is 
 this the boasted righteousness of God ? " 
 
 " Don't, don't, dear Ednah," exclaimed I, recoiling from 
 her impious language. 
 
 " You know that I am uttering the truth, and I will have 
 out my say. I boldly assert that, if the reckless happening 
 of things in our world has not the excuse of mere chance, 
 we are driven to a far more shocking supposition. The 
 playthings of an omnipotent Will, we grope on blindly, be 
 coming more and more entangled in the web of circumstances 
 which that Will has contrived, until, conquered by the evil 
 forces it has set in motion, we sink to the lowest bottom. 
 And yet, if, in the madness of our struggles, we are impelled 
 to ask, "Why hast thou made me thus?" every hand is 
 lifted in horror at what is stigmatized as blasphemy. Your 
 God, Hope, is not a whit better than the destroying Siva of 
 the Hindoos." 
 
 " I cannot hear you, Ednah. You know not the God you 
 revile, the love you set at nought." 
 
 " You shall hear me. I will not own such a Being. 
 Worship him ! No, I defy him ! Let him do his worst ! "
 
 300 ESPERANCE. 
 
 As she spoke, her expression of scorn and defiance sud 
 denly gave place to that of blank horror. Such a look I 
 never before saw on the human countenance. It was the 
 very agony of despair. 
 
 "The fiends! O God the fiends! They are drag 
 ging me down. Yes, I do believe in a God. I feel his 
 wrath. It is burning, burning, burning hell-fire in my 
 soul. I have cursed my Maker, and now He is avenging 
 himself. The fiends are strangling " And she fell back 
 on the couch. 
 
 I stood there for a moment, stricken dumb. Then, lifting 
 up my heart for the guidance of Heaven, I knelt beside her. 
 Laying my hand on her clammy forehead, I entreated Him, 
 who, in the days of his flesh, healed those that were possessed 
 of devils, that He would cast out the evil spirit from this 
 wretched sufferer, and that He would show himself to her, in 
 his tender compassion, as one ready to forgive, and not willing 
 that any should perish. 
 
 If I ever prayed with my whole soul, it was then. And 
 if I ever had reason to believe that prayer is answered, it 
 was then and there. The terror in her face softened into the 
 deepest sadness, and as the tears stole down her cheek, she 
 looked at me earnestly. , 
 
 " Do you think He heard you? " 
 
 " I am sure He did." 
 
 " And will He answer you?" 
 
 " I believe He will ; but you must pray for yourself, dear 
 Ednah." 
 
 " I can't, Espy." 
 
 " Unless you do, no other's prayers can avail."
 
 ESPERANCE. 301 
 
 " But I don't know what to say." 
 
 " You remember the prayer of the publican. Say that." 
 For a moment her face was full of thought. Then, clasp 
 ing her wan hands upon her breast, she lifted up her stream 
 ing eyes, and said, in tones that must have come from the 
 depths of a convicted heart, 
 
 " GOD BE MERCIFUL TO ME A SINNER ! " 
 
 It seemed to me like a miracle the subdued look and 
 manner that stole over her. The convulsions of blasphemy 
 were exchanged for the pleadings of penitence ; the agonies 
 of a hopeless resistance and despair, for the sweet peace 
 of submission. 
 
 The bitter scorn and defiance, just now written on every 
 line of her speaking face, had all disappeared. In their 
 stead was a peculiar lighting of the eye, and an indescribable 
 something, which I may, perhaps, call the restful expression 
 of a soul that has ceased from its long conflict with God, 
 and has gained that first wonderful revelation of his blessed 
 character. 
 
 " Ah ! " she exclaimed, " what a miserable, mistaken 
 wretch I have been ! One earnest look to God has taught 
 me what years of argument could not do, the infinity of 
 my own ingratitude and guilt, and the infinity of the divine 
 love. Oh, Esperance, if I may only be spared to undo a 
 little of the vast evil I have done, and to lead some poor 
 prodigal to Christ, as you have led me, it is all I ask ! " 
 26
 
 302 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XLV. 
 
 THE first evening after our return to Clydeville, I had a 
 long conversation with my father. He told me that, notwith 
 standing Dr. Belden's cautious preparation, the announce 
 ment of Ednah's return was a great shock to him. 
 
 "My old faults of character," he continued, "are hard to 
 overcome ! It seemed to me that I never could forgive that 
 woman, and, least of all, acknowledge that she had any claim 
 on me for maintenance. ' Let her go to the poor-house,' I 
 said in my wrath. But the good man would not give me up. 
 He continued to argue the matter till I was conquered. I 
 freely forgive her, my child. And I will settle an income of 
 a thousand dollars upon her, for she couldn't live on less." 
 
 " Another miracle ! " I thought, as I kissed his hand. 
 
 " Since I concluded on this, Hope," added he, wiping his 
 eyes, " the millstone which had been hanging round my neck 
 is all gone. But let her go off out of the reach of Vesta. 
 That is the only condition I make." 
 
 This was not the time to object ; so, taking my work, I 
 sat down by the window, and gave myself up to my own 
 thoughts. But I was not too absorbed to take notice of 
 what was passing between my father and the child, who had 
 just entered. 
 
 "Did you have a pleasant time at Saratoga, my little 
 girl?"
 
 ESPERANCE. 803 
 
 " Yes, papa." 
 
 " And what made it so pleasant?" 
 
 " The lady did, my own mamma. She loves me more than 
 tongue can tell." 
 
 When the little gypsy had got off the words, she looked 
 frightened, saying, 
 
 " Have I told the secret, Epsy ? " 
 
 " You have done no harm, dear. Papa knows about the 
 lady." 
 
 " She cries a great deal," said Vesta, putting on a face 
 of solemnity. " And she must be comforted, mustn't she, 
 papa ? " 
 
 As no reply was made, she proceeded earnestly, " Did 
 you know she had learned to pray, papa? But I don't think 
 you did, for Epsy told her how when we were at what do 
 you call it ? " 
 
 " She isn't the only one your dear sister has taught to 
 pray." 
 
 " No, papa. She taught we. And did she teach you too ? 
 I know you didn't use to pray." 
 
 " Yes, Vesta, she taught me, too." 
 
 " Well, papa, I know Epsy wants mamma to live where I 
 can go and see her. I heard her tell Dr. Belden so. And 
 it's best isn't it ? because she taught us all how to pray. 
 And so we ought to do everything she wants us to. Please 
 'have my mamma live in a pretty house, where I can go and 
 comfort her." 
 
 " We'll see, child. Run away, now." 
 
 " See means he'll do it ; " and, clapping her hands, she 
 skipped away. 
 
 He no longer attempted to restrain his emotion. And
 
 304 ESPERANCE. 
 
 when I left my work, and knelt down beside him, he said 
 brokenly, 
 
 " What am I, that I should be making conditions, when 
 God has forgiven me outright? So find her a home wher 
 ever you like. And if she is a changed woman, and you 
 think no harm would come to Vesta, she shall spend a por 
 tion of the time with her. God knows I have reason to be 
 merciful to others, for He has shown great mercy to me, 
 who sinned so cruelly against my poor Mary." 
 
 In a few days, Dr. Belden called to inform me that in 
 Glencoe, a small village not seven miles from us, there was 
 a beautiful cottage offered for sale. With the approbation 
 of my father, it was immediately secured, and neatly fui'- 
 nished. And the good doctor, being the one delegated to 
 make Ednah acquainted with the arrangements, reported, on 
 his return, that she was entirely overcome by the generous 
 treatment she had received. 
 
 She felt that she deserved nothing from God or man but 
 to be a miserable outcast. Yet the One had manifested to 
 her the marvellous power of his reconciling love, and the 
 other, under the transforming influence of that same love, 
 had now provided for her earthly comfort in a way that 
 showed all resentment to have died out of his heart. 
 
 On the appointed day, John Riley drove me over to 
 Mystic, from which place we took Eduah to her new home. 
 In fitting up the cottage, I had taken great pains to have every 
 thing as tasteful as was consistent with the severe simplicity 
 which, in her present circumstances, I knew she would 
 prefer. The piano, which my father had purchased for her 
 express use, was the only article of furniture taken from our
 
 ESPERANCE. 305 
 
 house. When she saw that set up in the pleasant little par 
 lor, she sank down, and, covering her face, wept aloud. 
 
 " I cannot bear it, Espy. It is too much kindness to such 
 a wretch." 
 
 " It is but a faint imitation, dear Ednah, of what our heav 
 enly Father is continually doing for his ungrateful children." 
 
 " I feel it. I acknowledge it freely. What a wonderful 
 principle is that which has so changed a cold, vindictive 
 nature like your father's, and has enabled him to manifest 
 such a forgiving and delicate generosity ! I have sinned 
 against him, wickedly and cruelly. Tell him, Esperance, 
 how much I feel his magnanimity, and that I humbly entreat 
 his forgiveness. It will not disturb him to say so much. 
 After that, he need never again hear my name." 
 
 Such a time as we had, loading my father's long wagon ! 
 Quite a number of small trees from our grounds were first 
 laid in, and then shrubs and bushes, to almost any extent, 
 were stowed away among them, together with such roots as 
 John thought would endure removal at that season. In the 
 whole process, Vesta was the busiest of busybodies, making 
 her appearance suddenly, and at surprisingly short intervals, 
 from all points of the compass, and always with her hands full. 
 
 "Are you going to carry over that splendid ivy? Oh, 
 won't she be glad ? And I'll give her my beautiful daisy." 
 
 Bounding away, she presently returned with her little pot, 
 which she placed carefully in the flat basket beside my large 
 one of English ivy, climbing up into the wagon to do so. 
 
 " Whither now, I should like to know? And what in the 
 world is all this flurry and skurry about ? " And Dr. Belden 
 stood, large as life, before us. 
 26*
 
 306 ESPEKANCE. 
 
 " It's for my own mamma," cried Vesta, taking the words 
 out of my mouth. " And I and John have been digging 
 them up all day, for papa said we might have whatever I 
 and Epsy wanted. And mamma'll be just as glad as she 
 can be." 
 
 " Why, you look as if you were moving west. And who 
 is to have the honor of driving you over to Glencoe?" 
 
 " John is. Papa said he might, and help set all the 
 things out." 
 
 " But, indeed, John is not ; for, with your sister's leave, 
 I shall take the reins myself." 
 
 " There would be no use in objecting," I answered, " for 
 you always have your own way." 
 
 " As is right and proper. But I should like to have Jdlm 
 notify wife of my proceedings, lest she advertise me as a 
 runaway." 
 
 While he was giving John his message, Vesta disappeared, 
 but soon came back with a small covered basket in her 
 hands, gravely remarking, 
 
 " I thought I would give her Spot, because you know 
 I've got Tinker and Emily besides ; and she'll like Spot." 
 
 "There, reach me your hand, little miss," and chirrup 
 ing to Jenny, a handsome black horse, which my father had 
 recently given me, we were soon in motion. 
 
 " Now, child, what about Spot, and Emily, and Timo 
 thy ? for I thought I was acquainted with every member 
 of the family." 
 
 " You are the funniest man I ever saw. It isn't Timo 
 thy, but Tinker. And then, only think of his not knowing 
 Spot, Epsy ! Why, she's my dear little black kitty, with a 
 beautiful round white spot on the middle of her neck." As
 
 ESPERANCE. 307 
 
 she prattled away, the doctor made great round eyes of won 
 der, which only increased her volubility. " And Emily and 
 Tinker are kitties, too. And I'm carrying Spot to mamma. 
 And if you want to take just one peep at her, you may, only 
 you must be very quick, or she'll spring out. There, I must 
 shut the cover, little Spot," looking cautiously into the bas 
 ket, to be sure the doctor hadn't spirited her away. " Won't 
 mamma be delighted ? Only, I'm afraid she'll forget to feed 
 her. But perhaps she'll remember, after seeing me do it, 
 for we're going to stay there two whole days." 
 
 " Whoa, Jenny ! Whoa, I say." 
 
 And the nag stood stock still in the middle of the road, 
 while Vesta looked at the doctor in wondering inquiry, who 
 looked back at her without a word of explanation. 
 
 "What are you stopping Jenny for?" with slight im 
 patience. 
 
 " Because you have caught me in a trap. I was antici 
 pating a pleasant evening ride with you back to Clydeville, 
 when, lo ! it appears that I am doomed to go entirely alone. 
 Do you think that's right?" 
 
 The child looked very sober for a minute ; then brighten 
 ing, exclaimed, 
 
 " You can stay, too." 
 
 " Can I? then go on, Jenny," shaking the reins. "At 
 any rate, old fellow, I shall be sure of your company back." 
 
 Ah ! but what a different countenance appeared on the 
 threshold of the cottage from that haggard one on which I 
 lately gazed almost with terror a countenance where hatred, 
 agony, and despair were struggling for expression. If the 
 wretchedness of total unbelief, and of such a prodigal life,
 
 308 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 had been exchanged for a child-like trust, with that peace 
 which springs from forgiving love, to God be all the glory. 
 
 But such reflections were speedily scattered by Vesta's 
 buoyant demonstrations. 
 
 " Mamma, dear, we've brought you all the bushes you can 
 think of, and ivy, and daisy, and everything. And I dug 
 them up, only John helped me. And I put them almost all 
 into the wagon, except the big trees. And Dr. Belden is 
 going to help me set them out, when it isn't too hot ; and I'm 
 going to give you my Spot, and she's such a beauty ! And I 
 and Epsy are going to stay two days. And perhaps Dr. 
 Belden will ; " dancing round the wagon all the while. 
 
 Ednah did not make much reply, but her face was elo 
 quent with her new emotions as she sat down on the doorstep, 
 and held out her arms to the little capering girl. And when 
 Vesta came bounding towards her, she put both hands under 
 her chin, and looked so tenderly. into her eyes, that the child 
 was quite moved, and could hardly find ways enough to 
 express her affection. 
 
 It was a beautiful picture in the back yard of that tasteful 
 cottage ; my pretty Jenny daintily nibbling the grass, and 
 the sweet sunshine smiling on the radiant face of that restored 
 mother, softly stroking those golden curls. Nor must I omit 
 from the scene our beloved doctor, as he walked back and 
 forth, trying his best to look indifferent, but with a signal 
 lack of success. And the loaded, Christmas-looking wagon ! 
 how it reminded me of that day of the Nativity, when the 
 Lord of glory assumed our fallen nature, not only opening a 
 way to the Celestial City, but kindly planting that perennial 
 tree which is ever green, and ever hanging full of all natural 
 and spiritual gifts !
 
 ESPEEANCE. 309 
 
 But my musings were again broken in upon by Vesta. And 
 presently Ednah's rosy-cheeked damsel appeared at the kitchen 
 door, and all hands were employed in unloading the wagon. 
 
 "While we were at supper in the cosiest of dining-rooms, 
 Dr. Belden inquired, 
 
 " How is it, Mrs. Halsted? Have I proved a true prophet 
 in regard to your rector ? " 
 
 " Mr. Spencer is one of the very best of men, and just the 
 minister I need." 
 
 " I met him when I was travelling last summer, and 
 judged him to be of the true metal. He is not one of your 
 rose-water doctrine or white-kid-glove ministers. And I 
 reckon he isn't afraid to call things by their right name, or to 
 take hold of them by their right handle, even though he 
 don't belong to the ' standing order,' as we say." 
 
 " He doesn't seem to have much fear of man in him." 
 
 " Our Hope here needs to be preached to a little. Sup 
 pose I should call on him as I go back, and ask him to drop 
 in to-morrow ? " 
 
 " 'Our Hope' would be glad to see him," I replied 
 " that is, if madam has no objection." 
 
 " Well, if I am to set out trees and make a call too, I 
 must be about it, or midnight will be upon me before I get 
 back." 
 
 Two or three hours later, as we sat in Ednah's room, Vesta 
 knelt by her side, and offered her evening prayer. 
 
 " O God, bless me, and forgive all my wicked sins. And 
 bless my darling mamma, and take good care of her. And 
 let me comfort her two whole days. And bless my Epsy and
 
 310 ESPEB A NCE. 
 
 Joy and brother Walter and the children. And bless dear 
 papa, and don't let him feel lonely while we're gone. And 
 bless Spot, and Tinker, and Emily, and Jenny. And bless all 
 the bodies I know and all the bodies I don't know, amen ; " 
 closing with the Lord's prayer. 
 
 When she rose, she kissed Ednah good night, whispering 
 to me, 
 
 "Don't feel bad because I sleep with mamma; for you 
 know she hasn't had any little girl for a great while." 
 
 " Oh, no, darling ! I understand all about it," returning 
 her embrace. Then she crept under the white counterpane, 
 and was soon asleep. 
 
 And there Ednah and I sat, watching the western sky, as 
 its glowing tints gradually faded through twilight into dark 
 ness. As we gazed, she talked of her past life, and of God's 
 peculiar discipline, by which He had brought her from the 
 famine of her prodigal-wanderings to the love and plenty of 
 the Fatherly house. Then she told me of her plans for Vesta 
 when she might be with her, and of her desire to make her 
 self useful in the neighborhood. 
 
 " Mr. Spencer invited me to take a class in the Sunday 
 School, but I couldn't feel it would be best. If, however, 
 there are any neglected ones, or outcasts, whom I could 
 gather into a class at my own house, I should take great 
 pleasure in teaching them, if you think I am fit for it." 
 
 My heart was so filled at these proofs of the wonderful 
 change in Ednah, that I could only reply by pressing her 
 hand. She then went on to tell me that although Mr. Spen 
 cer was acquainted with her history, he had urged her joining 
 a class of instruction, preparatory to confirmation. 
 
 " I hesitated a longtime before I could feel that it would be
 
 ESPERANCE. 311 
 
 right for me to do this. But my doubts were removed when I 
 read the account of the ' woman which was a sinner,' whom 
 Christ suffered to perform for him such ministries of love. 
 Surely, I also, who have been forgiven much, may claim the 
 privilege of loving much, and of publicly consecrating my re 
 maining life to His service. O Esperance ! no language can 
 express the view I sometimes have of that love which pass- 
 eth knowledge." 
 
 Far into the night we sat, communing thus of earthly and 
 heavenly things. And when I sought my pillow, it was long 
 before I could close my eyes in slumber. 
 
 After breakfast the next morning, we went into Ednah's 
 chamber, while Vesta read in course from her own Bible, 
 which she had brought with her. She was one of those who 
 were never balked, or retarded even, by difficulties in reading. 
 If she knew the word, it was well ; if not, it was just as 
 well. Her chapter for the day contained the following 
 verse : 
 
 " And there shall be wheat, and barley, and fig-trees, and 
 pomegranates ; and thou shalt eat bread without scarceness 
 all the days of thy life ; " which she read with the utmost 
 fluency, "And there shall be wheat, and brandy, and. fir- 
 trees, and plum-trees ; and thou shalt eat bread without saucers 
 all the days of thy life." 
 
 Then Ednah read the fifty-first psalm ; after which we all 
 knelt down, while she repeated for the day one of those brief 
 prayers of the church, which are so appropriate, and at the 
 same time so comprehensive and comforting. And under 
 such influences as widely sundered from those of the old 
 Clydeville times as are the two poles did the new day 
 begin.
 
 312 ESPERANCB. 
 
 After surveying the grounds, and seeing that all our shrubs 
 had been set out right side up, we took a pleasant stroll into 
 some neighboring woods, to gather ferns and mosses, as well 
 as wild flowers. The delight of Vesta knew no bounds as 
 she skipped here and there, reporting the most astonishing 
 discoveries, and* heaping up her basket with treasures of every 
 description, while, for myself, it seemed as if nature had 
 never before unfolded so many beauties. 
 
 During the day, Mr. Spencer made a call which fully con 
 firmed all the good things Ednah and Dr. Belden had said. 
 There was in him a union of common sense and high-toned 
 spiritual views, which, in my opinion, qualified him for un 
 common usefulness, as I was glad to say to Ednah after his 
 departure. 
 
 " You don't feel, I trust, that my uniting with the Episco 
 pal church is going to separate me from you." 
 
 " Not in the least, dear Ednah. I should be sorry if I 
 were so poor a disciple of my Master, that I could not have 
 true fellowship with Christians of every denomination. Be 
 sides, Providence has made your course plain by leading you 
 to this place, where the Episcopal, church is almost next door 
 to you." 
 
 " So I have felt. And then, after my sceptical and undis 
 ciplined manner of life, I find, a great help in the order for 
 the daily reading of the Word. And the liturgy and other 
 arrangements of the church seem to help me in my weak 
 ness, and my hard struggles against wandering thoughts and 
 the wicked suggestions sometimes breathed into my ear." 
 
 " You can't think, Dr. Belden, what a food time we've 
 had. And I shouldn't want to go back, only for dear papa.
 
 ESPERANCE. 313 
 
 And I and mamma are going to read the same chapter every 
 day, and so get through the Bible together ; won't that be 
 nice?" 
 
 " "What a rare faculty of talking does your sex possess ! " 
 replied the doctor, giving me one of his comical looks over 
 his glasses, while Vesta was bestowing on him her most im 
 pressive hugs. " After two days' quiet, I don't know how 
 papa will get along with your noise and all your other pro 
 ceedings." 
 
 " I know all about papa ; so you needn't try to frighten 
 me ; and, with a final hug, she vanished. 
 
 Ednah would not listen to our leaving till we had taken 
 tea, after which, our preparations were soon made, and we 
 were seated in an open buggy, on our Avay homeward. 
 
 " Who could ever have believed that such wonders would 
 have come to pass with " the doctor paused as he caught 
 Vesta's eye fixed earnestly upon him ; and then, significantly 
 winking at me, he continued, "well with mankind 
 in general, for instance ; among whom I include both sides 
 of the house, male and female, you understand." 
 
 " Ah ! you've got some secret you want to tell Epsy, and 
 you're trying to keep it from me. But I can guess it." 
 
 " Guess, then, little Miss Why-why." 
 
 " I guess it's about papa's letting me take over a lot of 
 hens and chickens to mamma." 
 
 "Pretty good, though not exactly it. Still it is near 
 enough for all practical purposes." 
 
 " What do you mean ? " 
 
 " I mean that you're a little great-grand-daughter of old 
 Mrs. Adam." 
 
 27
 
 314 ESPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XLVI. 
 
 ONE day I entered my watch tower. Lighting carefully 
 the torch of memory, lest some falling sparks might kindle 
 too suddenly the charred cinders of past joys and sorrows, I 
 softly held it up. Then came before me the long road over 
 which I had -travelled. And, out of the confused mist and 
 darkness, were gradually evolved distinct images and for 
 gotten scenes. 
 
 Away back in the distance, lingered those deep shadows 
 which had desolated my childhood, and warped my natu 
 rally loving, trusting spirit. The single thing that bright 
 ened all that dreary waste, Avas my mother's love ; and 
 when that faded out, the bitterness of an unbroken gloom 
 succeeded. My father's unnatural dislike of one, aggravated, 
 by my proud and defiant manner, to a vindictive hatred, 
 returned vividly to mind. In this connection, the memory 
 of certain dreadful passages in my history rushed over me 
 with overwhelming force. 
 
 The scene changed. Fascinated by an engrossing, but 
 dangerous friendship, I drank the poisoned cup of unhealthy 
 excitement. In that brief thraldom, conscience was stifled, 
 prayer forgotten, the Holy Word doubted and denied, and 
 God's love set at nought. Then came the sudden and violent- 
 death of my first friendship, causing a bitterness of disap 
 pointment which colored many years of my life.
 
 ESPEBANCE. 315 
 
 Over all this period shone only one pure star my 
 saintly Ada. And that, alas ! was speedily extinguished. 
 Soon followed long struggles and new resolves ; and not long 
 after, the " tug of war," the hard battles of life, in which 
 the Actual waged deadly war against the Ideal, the Prac 
 tical with the Theoretical. 
 
 The scene changed. I was thrown into new circum 
 stances. In my vague longings for some satisfying earthly 
 good, it was not, perhaps, strange that I mistook a phan 
 tasm for the beautiful goddess, and surrendered to her 
 blandishments. 
 
 Upon this brief inebriation, followed disappointment, 
 chagrin and agony. But, gradually, came submission, con 
 sciousness of what, to me, would have proved an evil, 
 escaped, and quiet, if not happiness. And these had not 
 left me. These were still mine. More than this, my father 
 was reconciled, and Ednah was saved. I had good cause 
 for gratitude also. 
 
 But in all the past, was there nothing bright to 
 which I could cling, as a token for future happiness? 
 Did not one memory linger still, sweet as a dream of 
 Paradise ? 
 
 If there did, I told no one. Scarcely to my own entreat 
 ing heart would I whisper the faith that had not died 
 out, that, somehow, would not die out. I was reticent on 
 this subject, even with myself. 
 
 Years had passed since that happy passage over the lake, 
 since those invisible threads were wound about my heart, 
 which still unconsciously drew me, as the magnet draws the
 
 316 ESPE RANGE. 
 
 unwitting needle. Years had passed. Ought I not, then, to 
 wake from that brief dream? 
 But was I forgotten? 
 
 There, before my eyes, hung that dear, only memento 
 the St. Christopher, crossing the foaming waters, with the 
 Holy Child upon his broad shoulders. And, although only 
 this single token had come, might there not be reason for 
 this long, strange silence? 
 
 I could wait. I could trust my Father's love. And if 
 if, after all, the only earthly good which I coveted was 
 denied me, then I could wait still wait, till, in the 
 heavenly Jerusalem, my heart's cravings should all be 
 satisfied.
 
 ESPERANCE. 317 
 
 CHAPTER XLVII. 
 
 MY hand fairly ached from his grasp, yet it seemed as if 
 Philander Benedict would never let it go. The sight of his 
 honest face was such a joyful surprise, that, for a moment, I 
 coiild only look at him in amazement. But, at last, I found 
 voice to inquire, " How did you come, and why isn't Peggy 
 with you ? " 
 
 " Because she sent me off without her." 
 
 Then, in his old, abrupt way, " We planned it long ago, 
 you know this journey, I mean, that is, Peggy and I 
 well, we only waited till Miss Hope was ready for us," 
 straightening himself, until he seemed nearly a head taller. 
 
 " Ready for you ! Why, you know I am always ready 
 for you and Peggy. And I am quite vexed to think you 
 left her behind." 
 
 " So she has kept her promise," half to himself. 
 
 " Kept her promise ? What do you mean? " 
 
 " Your friend, Miss Ware, of course ; who else could it be, 
 pray? And I mean that I am delighted to see you." 
 
 Rubbing his hands and chuckling, he began to walk up 
 and down, till, turning suddenly, he faced me with seeming 
 gravity, but with lurking mischief in his eye. 
 
 " The long and short of it is, we wanted to surprise you, that 
 is, I did, and well, I charged Miss Ware not to allude to 
 it, you know and so well, I'm glad she didn't. very." 
 27*
 
 318 ESPERANCE. 
 
 Then, giving my hand another grip, 
 
 " I'm the happiest man in the world, and we're all so 
 happy. Why, you've no conception." 
 
 " I remember your rhapsodizing just so once on a time, 
 long ago, but supposed you had come back to common sense. 
 Well, how is your ' angel,' in these days ? " 
 
 " Peggy, do you mean ? " 
 
 " Whom else could I mean? " 
 
 "Oh, yes! Peggy, to be sure. Why, you've no idea 
 anything about it, not the smallest." 
 
 " And I see you have no intention / shall know. But one 
 thing I am resolved on : you are to stop and' make me a visit, 
 for I know Peggy wouldn't object." 
 
 "Not she! Why, it's the very thing we I mean, I 
 came for." 
 
 " Where is your trunk, then? " 
 
 " You're sure it's quite convenient? And that your 
 father won't mind my noise? for sometimes I'm as noisy as 
 a child." 
 
 I began to think he was beside himself, but cordially 
 replied, 
 
 " Oh, no, he will rejoice in all the noise you make." 
 
 " I do believe he will, so I'll go for my trunk." 
 
 " Why not wait till after dinner? " 
 
 " I can't." 
 
 " Then I will send for it." 
 
 " Not for the world. I'll be back soon, never fear. At 
 the Albion, you know." 
 
 Making for the door, he rushed down the avenue like a 
 distracted man, leaving me in some concern lest his wits had 
 taken their final departure.
 
 ESPERANCE. 319 
 
 It must have been an hour after, that I was still sitting in 
 the parlor, quite cross at Mr. Benedict's delay, when the door 
 opened. 
 
 Could I believe my eyes ? Or was I dreaming ? and was 
 that beautiful vision one of the fairy folk ? If it was a vis 
 ion, it was evidently one of flesh and blood, for the next 
 minute two dimpled arms were hugging my neck. 
 
 Looking into eyes that reminded me of my lost Ada's, I 
 exclaimed, 
 
 " Where did you come from, you little witch? " 
 " I isn't a switch, I is papa's sooder-plum" 
 " But where in the world did you come from? " 
 " I didn't turn from the world ; I did turn from my papa. 
 He did stweeze me so," giving me another hug, " and he 
 did tell me to stweeze you." 
 
 " But what is your name ? " in a maze of bewilderment. 
 " Litty Eppy Fazer." 
 
 A moment later, I found myself the centre of as joyous a 
 group as the sun ever looked down upon. How the denoue 
 ment was managed I cannot say. But there I stood, with 
 I don't know how many arms round my neck, receiving and 
 returning three sets of kisses, not quite distinct sets, how 
 ever, for though they started separately, they all converged 
 to a focus. 
 
 So the cat was let out of the bag. The secret so long 
 hoarded, and all for the sake of this happy surprise-party, 
 now danced before me in the shape of my little namesake, 
 as lovely an apparition as ever blessed mortal eyes ! 
 
 Having exhausted our stock of embraces, we prepared to 
 take a good look at one another.
 
 320 ESPERANCE. 
 
 Imagine four delighted people in a circle, their chairs 
 drawn as close together as possible ; Mr. Benedict with 
 his homely face more radiant even than on his wedding-day, 
 his arm round Peggy, who reflected all his sunshine, while 
 their gypsy-queen the occasion of all this glad hubbub 
 stood in the middle, looking from one to another with great, 
 wondering eyes. And as I caught sight of myself in a large 
 pier-glass opposite, I was well satisfied with my smiling 
 image as a part of the rare group. 
 
 What the servants who had now and then opened and 
 shut the door thought about these strange theatricals in 
 the parlor, I know not. But at length, when the tumult had 
 somewhat subsided, Ann ventured to approach, 
 
 " Mr. Frazer wishes me to say that he fears the dinner 
 will be spoiled." 
 
 " I had forgotten we were on this mundane sphere, where 
 dinners have to be eaten. Well, Ann, you can tell the 'cook 
 not to wait any longer, and to charge all the mischief to me." 
 
 So I went for my father, whom I found impatiently walk 
 ing up and down the dining-room, and introduced my friends 
 to him. Vesta happened to be at Glencoe, but her high chair 
 was appropriated to little Eppy, whom I placed beside Mr. 
 Benedict. For this act I read a hearty thank you in the 
 sweet face of Peggy, as she took her seat at the opposite side 
 of the table. 
 
 Peggy was one of those timid, confiding beings, who seem 
 to have a special claim on the protection of mankind, and 
 who almost always secure it. I was well pleased with my 
 father's chivalrous attentions to her, as also with the grace 
 ful way in which she received them. 
 
 When we returned to the parlor, Eppy climbed fearlessly
 
 ESPERANCE. 321 
 
 into the lap of " danpa," as she called him, asking to see his 
 " tick-tick," which she said " talked too loud." 
 
 Soon after, looking gravely in his face, 
 
 " I must doe, now, and tumfort my papa." 
 
 Presently she had both arms round Mr. Benedict's neck, 
 with her rosy, dimpled cheeks close to his rough face, and 
 her brown curls mingled with his stiff, gray locks. The sight 
 reminded me of the beautiful cactus, blooming on as homely 
 and prickly a plant as one can well find. 
 
 But, to my dear little namesake, her father wore as fair a 
 face as her mother, for it was the face of love, and love is 
 always beautiful. I never beheld a more remarkable affec 
 tion than existed between Philander and his little girl, each 
 of them seeming uneasy when long out of the other's sight. 
 
 Yet Eppy was a genuine child ; and when Vesta, who had 
 been immediately sent for, opened to her little guest the won 
 ders of her play-room, never was child more exultant. The 
 wonderful ark gave up Mr. and Mrs. Noah, with Messrs. 
 Shem, Ham, and Japheth, and their wives, followed by scores 
 of antiquated, misshapen beasts and fowls, such as our mod 
 ern eyes have never been privileged to behold in life. There, 
 too, were numberless dolls, every one of which had sustained 
 some mortal injury. Great was Eppy's compassion for the 
 poor armless, headless things, and many were her attempts to 
 mend their broken bones ; yet often, in the midst of her occu 
 pations, she would run to the door, saying, 
 
 " Dood by, my children, for now I must doe and tee my 
 papa." 
 
 " Don't you think the attachment between Mr. Benedict 
 and little Hope is peculiarly strong ? " asked Peggy one day 
 when we were walking in the grove.
 
 322 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 " I never saw anything like it, and I have sometimes won 
 dered if you hadn't enough of human infirmity about you to 
 feel a twinge of jealousy." 
 
 The dear innocent soul looked at me with astonishment, 
 and then replied, with her wonted simplicity, 
 
 " Such a feeling would be impossible, Miss Frazer. . I don't 
 think you have any idea of Mr. Benedict's goodness, and I 
 never can feel grateful enough that God has made me the 
 mother of a child that brings him so much happiness." 
 
 " You are the same dear little Peggy as ever. But I want 
 you to tell me how he behaved in the first transports of his 
 fatherhood." 
 
 " I don't believe it would be possible to describe those 
 scenes. You should have beheld him kneeling by the bed, 
 with his face close to baby's, and his finger clasped in its little 
 hand, while he thanked God for his precious gift." 
 
 " I see you think as much of your husband as ever." 
 
 " Ah, Miss Frazer," the rich blood mantling her cheek, 
 "I hope it is not wicked ; but I love him so that it seems 
 as if I could never bear to see him unhappy. And if God 
 were willing, I should rather go myself, than to have him lose 
 his darling ; for much as he loves me, it would sooner break 
 his heart to part with her." 
 
 " Nonsense, you little goose ! It would break it ten times 
 over to part with you. But I never saw such a worshipping 
 set as you three are. See, there they come ! " 
 
 And Philander made his appearance with Eppy mounted 
 on his shoulder. 
 
 The little ones being anxious to sleep together, it was ar 
 ranged that Eppy should go to bed with Vesta in my room,
 
 ESP E RANGE. 323 
 
 and be removed to her crib when we elders retired. As I 
 thought it possible Vesta might begin on some of her wonder 
 ful stories, and talk quite late, I told her that Eppy was tired, 
 and they must be good little girls, and go to sleep. 
 
 " But can't we talk any ? " 
 
 " Why, yes, you may talk together ten minutes." 
 
 When she knelt at my side to say her prayers, she added 
 to her usual petitions, 
 
 " O God, please make ten minutes last all night ! " 
 
 " What's in the wind now?" 
 
 Such was Dr. Belden's greeting, stopping short as he en 
 countered me on my return from a walk with my namesake, 
 who was in high glee over a large wax doll I had bought her. 
 
 "Where in the world did you pick up that gypsy?" he 
 continued, gazing at her with curiosity. 
 
 " This gypsy is little Hope Frazer, if you have no objec 
 tion." 
 
 " And suppose I have ! " 
 
 " It will avail nothing." 
 
 " Precious little information will you vouchsafe. Baby, 
 can you tell me your father's name ? " 
 
 " His name is papa." 
 
 " Dr. Belden, allow me the pleasure of introducing to you 
 Miss H. F. Benedict, late from Ironton, Illinois." 
 
 " That's it, is it ? " taking up the child and kissing her. 
 
 " Kiss my Peddy now," holding up to his mouth the new 
 dolly which she had named for " dear mamma." 
 
 The doctor pretended to comply, but contrived that his kiss 
 should fall on baby Benedict's lips. All this time he was 
 walking with me towards o.ur gate. When we reached it,
 
 324 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 " Do you want me to stop, little Epsy ? " 
 
 " Eppy does." 
 
 So he entered the house with us, and was a witness of the 
 child's delight in exhibiting her new treasure. 
 
 Dr. Belden liked to quiz little folks as well as great ones, 
 and when he took Eppy in his lap, I saw hy his face that he 
 was intent on one of his catechisings. But she was ahead 
 of him, for she instantly began, 
 
 " Has you dut any litty children? " 
 
 " Oh, yes, I have hundreds of them, scattered all over the 
 world." 
 
 " That is funny," looking at him with undisguised aston 
 ishment, " for my papa hasn't dut only Eppy. But are they 
 dood litty children ? " 
 
 " I hope they are." 
 
 " Does you know where they will doe when they die ? " 
 
 " Do you know, pussy? " 
 
 " My mamma knows, and she did tell me," looking very 
 wise. 
 
 " And won't you tell me ? " 
 
 * , 
 " They will all doe into Desus' bosom." 
 
 " I am glad to hear it." 
 
 " Isn't Desus' bosom large, to hold so much litty children ? ' 
 " Do you think there will be any room for you ? " 
 " Oh, yes, indeed, for I is Desus' litty lamb ; and when I 
 die, the aindels will tarry me up and put me right into his 
 bosom. It's plenty big for all the litty children." 
 " But isn't it big enough for me, too? " 
 " Oh, no, tos oo is a man ; so what will oo do? " 
 "What can I do?" 
 
 She thought a moment, and then, clapping her hands, ex 
 claimed,
 
 BSPEBANCE. 825 
 
 " Oo mus det into Dod's bosom. There'll be room there 
 for all the big folks." 
 
 I can see her now, just as she looked that evening in her 
 white frock and blue sash, gazing into the doctor's face with 
 her loving eyes and serious little mouth, while all the rest of 
 ns were gazing at her. Ah, my darling ! 
 
 The next morning, Peggy brought down the report that 
 Hope seemed a little unwell, and that Mr. Benedict preferred 
 to stay with her till she could take his place. When he ap 
 peared,- he just tasted of his beefsteak and sipped a spoonful 
 or two of coffee, and then, pushing back his plate, rose 
 abruptly, saying, 
 
 " I think I will go for Dr. Belden." 
 
 " Oh, you silly, doting papa ! " I replied ; for I had been 
 up to see the child, and found her quite like herself, only a 
 little more flushed than usual. " But if you must see the 
 doctor, I will send for him." 
 
 When, a little later, I took Dr. Belden into the cham 
 ber, Mr. Benedict was in an easy chair, with the little one in 
 a blue Thibet wrapper of Vesta's, on one knee, and Peddy 
 on the other. Her head was resting rather languidly against 
 his shoulder, but she brightened up as the doctor drew near. 
 
 " We have frolicked too hard, I am afraid, little sooder- 
 plum" said he, taking her into his lap. 
 
 .Having carefully examined her symptoms, he prescribed a 
 simple medicine, thinking her only slightly feverish from a 
 cold she had taken. How little any of us foresaw the 
 morrow ! 
 
 28
 
 326 ESPERANCE. 
 
 CHAPTER XLVIII. 
 
 OVER the whole house rested the stillness of the grave. 
 Even the servants in the kitchen moved softly about, for all 
 of them had come to love the little sunny face. Ever since 
 our good doctor had pronounced her sickness a case of fever, 
 we had not allowed Vesta to enter the room. We should 
 have sent her to Glencoe for safe keeping, but she begged so 
 earnestly to remain that we yielded. So she would sit hour 
 after hour on the stairs, asking every one who passed whether 
 baby was any better. 
 
 On this sad day of which I speak, there was very little 
 moving, for all unnecessary business had been suspended. 
 Every feeling of the household was centred in the white- 
 draped chamber where our little blossom was fading away 
 from our sight. 
 
 While the case had continued hopeful, Mr. Benedict had 
 hardly suffered his child to be out of his arms. But when a 
 shadow of doubt crept into his heart, he was too agitated to 
 sit quietly ; so he resigned his darling to Peggy, whose endur 
 ance seemed to increase with the tax laid upon it. After a 
 time, the child became so emaciated that she seemed to be 
 more comfortable on her little crib, except as she was held a 
 few moments for a change. 
 
 Till within a few hours, Eppy had kept her doll close beside 
 her. But as her languor increased, she said to her father,
 
 ESPERANCE. 327 
 
 " I tarnt hud my Peddy any more. Teep her, papa, till 
 
 Eppy dets well." 
 
 Then, as a sudden thought flashed on her, 
 
 " If I die, I will take my Peddy into Desus' bosom wid 
 
 me. Don't fordet it, papa." 
 
 "You may go in now, Vesta, for I think the angels are 
 coming for our darling." 
 
 So I led in the little girl, who stood, looking awe-struck 
 at the wasted form before her. That restlessness we so often 
 see in the dying, and the convulsions of pain, from which the 
 dear child had at times suffered, had all passed away. White 
 as a lily she lay, with no expression in her blue eyes, while 
 her little busy hands were folded quietly on her bosom. Her 
 father stood beside her, in indescribable agony, drops of 
 sweat standing all over his forehead ; and near him sat the 
 mother, with clasped hands, and a face which every drop of 
 blood seemed to have forsaken. 
 
 All struggling was over, and it was difficult to determine 
 that the little one breathed. Dr. Belden stood over her, 
 now putting his fingers on her pulse, and now wetting her 
 pale lips. At last he laid his hand on Mr. Benedict's 
 shoulder, saying, in a low voice, 
 
 " Almost ready to plume her wings." 
 
 The poor man groaned aloud, and then hastened from the 
 room. 
 
 A few minutes passed. The doctor turned to Peggy, who 
 still sat rigid and motionless, 
 
 " I want you to go with Miss Frazer and try to get a little 
 rest. I will send for you in time " 
 
 As I led her to the door, he whispered, " Return in 
 stantly ! "
 
 328 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 Peggy was docile, and made no objection to lying down ; 
 indeed, she hardly seemed conscious of what she was doing. 
 I threw a shawl over her, and softly withdrew ; but, glancing 
 from the door, her eyes followed me with such a look of mis 
 ery, that I went back and kissed her, whispering, 
 
 " He doeth all things well." 
 i 
 
 " Hope," said the doctor, as I returned, " can you see any 
 difference ? " 
 
 " I cannot," looking earnestly at the child ; " what is 
 it you mean ? " 
 
 " That there is a bare possibility we may save her. But 
 I must try some desperate remedies ; and should they fail, 
 they may cause convulsions, which I would not have those 
 parents witness for all Clydeville. Now, can you take hold 
 and help me, or are your nerves unstrung ? " 
 
 " I can do any thing, doctor, with such a possibility before 
 me." 
 
 For an hour we worked over the dear child, applying both 
 external and internal' stimulants, and using every possible 
 means to retain the departing vitality. There was a concen 
 trated purpose on the doctor's face I had never seen there 
 before, and I blindly followed his directions, though I some 
 times felt as if we were struggling in the very valley of the 
 shadow of death, for I could not discern the smallest change ; 
 indeed, one might have pronounced the child already lifeless. 
 
 At last, Dr. Belden, having looked at his watch, said, 
 
 " Now, child, there is nothing more we can do but pray." 
 
 And, kneeling down, he earnestly besought our darling's 
 life. When we arose, we seated ourselves one on each side 
 of the little crib. Minutes seemed to stretch into hours, as
 
 ESPERANCE. 329 
 
 we silently watched that baby face on which the shadows of 
 death were gathered. Once or twice I looked out of the 
 window into the garden, where poor Mr. Benedict was hur 
 riedly pacing back and forth as if he could thus escape the 
 coming sorrow. Oh, how earnestly did I pray that he might 
 be spared that bitter cup ! 
 
 At length a sigh escaped the little sufferer. 
 
 " Thank God ! " fervently exclaimed the doctor. 
 
 And pouring a few drops from a vial, he put the spoon to 
 her mouth. Soon after she closed her eyes, and began to 
 breathe perceptibly, though faintly. Dr. Belden occasionally 
 glanced at me, and nodded significantly, while his look of 
 distress gradually disappeared. Ah, me ! what a weight was 
 lifted from my heart ! 
 
 "Mayn't I go and whisper one word of comfort to those 
 poor parents?" 
 
 " Not so fast. The crisis is hardly over, and you might 
 bring a moment's relief, only to plunge them into deeper mis 
 ery. Just be patient." 
 
 This was not so easy, when I knew that every moment was 
 a little age of agony to those loving parents. But I acqui 
 esced ; and when the doctor had given his patient a little more 
 brandy, we resumed our watch. Her slumber grew more 
 and more profound, till he once more broke the silence. 
 
 " I believe the child is saved ; so bring back the parents, 
 only don't go to speaking too confidently." 
 
 Waiting for no second intimation, I softly opened Peggy's 
 door, to encounter those same imploring eyes. My expres 
 sion must have changed, for, springing up, she hastened into 
 the chamber. Then giving one glance at the dear child, she 
 knelt down by the bed, and burst into tears. When I went 
 28*
 
 330 ESPERANCE. 
 
 down stairs for Mr. Benedict, he instantly entered the house, 
 supposing I had come to tell him that all was over. The 
 sudden change in his countenance as he reached the bedside, 
 I shall not attempt to describe. Dropping on his knees, he 
 exclaimed, in tones I can never forget, 
 
 " My God, I thank thee ! Oh, my darling, my sweet 
 one ! " 
 
 Just then the dear child opened her eyes, and seeing his 
 radiant face bent over her, smiled on him, saying, 
 
 " Hold Eppy, my papa." 
 
 The doctor pointed him to the easy chair, and then laid 
 the darling in his arms. 
 
 " Now don't go to getting crazy over baby, for she needs 
 the greatest care, or she will yet slip from us." 
 
 So there Philander sat with Eppy in his arms, and Peggy's 
 hand tightly clasped in his. As I looked on his transfigured 
 face, I wondered I could ever have thought the good man 
 homely. But I did not speak ; indeed, we could none of us 
 utter one word.
 
 ESPERANCE. 331 
 
 CHAPTER XLIX. 
 
 WEEKS, months rolled on. 
 
 A delicious day late in the month of blossoms ! 
 
 "The flowers appear on the earth ; 
 The time of the singing of birds is come, 
 And the voice of the turtle is heard in our land." 
 
 Here I sit at my old window, drinking in perfume and 
 music, and gazing upon the mountains with their cloud- 
 capped summits. Beloved mountains ! In some moods, as 
 they stand towering to heaven in their solemn majesty, I 
 look up to them as a type of the Infinite. But again, as I 
 watch their changing countenance, clouds and sunshine, 
 tears and smiles, rapidly chasing each other, I am con 
 scious of something very like human companionship. 
 
 It is thus to-day. Deep shadows sleep upon their sides, 
 but ever and anon they are pierced by sharp arrows of daz 
 zling light ; and I look far, far away through the clear rifts 
 into what seems fairy-land. The Pine Orchard House, 
 perched on its steep crag, reminds me of the wild mountain 
 eyry in which the Gheber Hafed surprised Hinda, the 
 daughter of his Moslem foe.
 
 832 ESPEBANCE. 
 
 " I climbed the gory vulture's nest, 
 And found a trembling dove within." 
 
 How do one's hopes take wing in this blossoming season ! 
 I look around me with a thrilling consciousness of coming 
 enjoyment. The lawn, so lately withered and brown, is cov 
 ered with a fresh velvet carpet of the softest, deepest green. 
 The trees, in their holiday robes, and decked out with gay, 
 fluttering trimmings, clap their hands for joy. 
 
 Not yet is nature's life-giving sap exhausted. I feel it in 
 my veins. It rejuvenates me, as it does everything I see 
 and hear. Hark ! How brimful of it is that robin's song ! 
 And my canary, hanging out of my window, breathes the 
 subtle oxygen, and pipes a sweeter, madder lay than has 
 gladdened me all winter long. 
 
 Hearing such music, gazing on such a landscape, I can be 
 hopeful, trusting. (Strengthen me, O Father, to wait thy 
 time even if I wait till the eternal morning dawns on my 
 weary eyes. Let my blind human will fold its fluttering 
 wings in thy presence. I would taste no cup of merely earthly 
 joy. I ask for nothing that is unsweetened by thy love.i 
 
 As I look out, I see Vesta skipping up and down the 
 avenue with her hands full of homely but lovable dandelions.. 
 A figure is slowly climbing the hill. It comes nearer. It is 
 a man. 
 
 He has just disappeared behind the old lindens, as they 
 stand arrayed in their new festal garments. 
 
 He enters the gate. Vesta runs to meet him. He has 
 put something into her hands, and now disappears again. 
 
 What can he have brought ? But why should I care ?
 
 ESPERANCE. 333 
 
 Vesta runs towards the house, and my calmness has van 
 ished. I know what ails me. Fancy has been wandering off 
 to the shores of the broad Atlantic, and wistfully gazing over 
 the l)lue, boundless expanse. I pine for a breath from the old 
 world for some little sign or token. I have waited and 
 waited these many weary months. Will nothing ever come ? 
 
 A child's rap at my door. Be quiet, beating heart. 
 
 " Come in, Vesta." 
 
 She enters. She holds it up before me. She dances 
 round and round. And 1 sit very still, trying to watch her. 
 But a dazzling mist before my eyes prevents my seeing dis 
 tinctly. Besides, I will not hurry her. I will not spoil her 
 pleasure. I can wait now. 
 
 I knew it would come this month. I have felt the fine 
 silken cords drawing closer and closer round my heart. 
 Now I know why. 
 
 There ! she has had her sport, and has laid the parcel in 
 my hands the parcel, directed like the other. 
 
 " Now run, child." 
 
 She kisses me, and is gone. I lock my door. 
 
 How my heart throbs ! ^this strange, hoping, fearing, 
 ever-changing human heart !l 
 
 I have no speculations about this parcel, as I had about 
 the other. So, quietly, though my hands tremble a very 
 little, I untie the string, and lay aside the first covering. 
 
 " From England," is finely pencilled in a corner of the 
 second envelope. 
 
 He is returning, then ; O welcome tidings ! 
 
 I take off the last wrapper. An exquisite Tyrolese land-
 
 334 ESPERANCE. 
 
 scape lies before me. But I hardly look at it, for another, a 
 still dearer messenger greets my longing eyes. In a single 
 instant I seize the precious words it bears. 
 
 " The sacred flower from beside Lake G-ennesaret is 
 plucked, and lies between the leaves of my Greek Testament. 
 In September next I hope to bring it to you. 
 
 " You see I speak as knowing you to be in life and health, 
 for on this point I have kept myself informed. The hope 
 of seeing you again has been my talisman through these long 
 years of exile. 
 
 " I believe you have faith in me, as I have in you. Indif 
 ferent or forgetful, I am sure you have never thought me. 
 Yet I hardly need say that I shall not be sorry when the seal 
 of silence is broken from my long-closed lips ; when I am 
 at liberty to explain all that has seemed unaccountable ; 
 more than this, to plead my own cause, as I have never 
 cared to plead it with any other woman. 
 
 " I have not forgotten, in all this time, that you know al 
 most nothing of my history, or of my external relations and 
 circumstances. And I am well aware that some would pro 
 nounce any trust you may repose in me, on such uncertain 
 ties, romantic and unreasonable, if not hazardous. I know 
 there are those who regard as indiscreet the cherishing any 
 deep sentiment except after a long acquaintance and a close 
 study of character. And I am ready to admit that this is 
 the only safe general rule. 
 
 " But there are exceptions to this rule. And, however 
 limited may have been our actual intercourse, I doubt whether 
 we have not had a deeper insight into each other's character, 
 and a fuller communion of spirit, than is sometimes gained
 
 ESPERANCE. 335 
 
 by years of acquaintance and friendship. When I come to 
 Clydeville, however, I shall hope to satisfy your friends that, 
 in some respects, at least, I am not altogether unworthy of 
 the treasure I covet. * 
 
 " If I speak with a measure of confidence, you will not ac 
 cuse me of vanity. Is it presumption to believe that we both 
 feel the heaven-ordained law of mutual attraction? that 
 in those well-remembered hours, on the lake, we were each 
 instinctively conscious of needing the other ? of resting on 
 the other as we can rest only on one ? There are certain 
 sweet and tender recollections which strengthen this belief. 
 
 " Will you pardon me if I speak with still greater bold 
 ness ? if I venture to express the assurance that your soul 
 belongs to mine ? And, ever since that silent parting, in 
 which, fettered by inexorable Circumstance, I dared not tell 
 you what I felt, I have presumed to judge you by myself. 
 
 " Yet, strong as is this feeling, I cannot deny that a pain 
 ful timidity sometimes oppresses me a fear lest I may 
 have deceived myself. I shall be impatient till I can ask a 
 single question. God grant that I may hear from your lips 
 a kind response, or read it in your eyes ! that so I may 
 venture to call you MY Esperance, as I have longed to do 
 all these years. 
 
 " More I must not write now. God bless and keep you ! " 
 Oh, the world of meaning hidden in this precious missive ! 
 
 How instinctively, how entirely do I assent to every word ! 
 Yes, THT Esperance ! Could I ask for more ? With what 
 
 true reverence can I look up to this superior being ! with 
 
 what sweet, unbounded confidence can I repose on his strong, 
 
 tender nature !
 
 336 ESPE.RANCE. 
 
 A great hush, like the broad wings of a seraph, broods 
 over my unquiet spirit. Softly there steals upon me, creeping 
 down, away down into the surging deeps of my heart, 
 and stilling all its vague yearnings and wildest cravings, 
 the delicious sense of a trusting, satisfied human love ; a 
 love that refines every feeling, exalts every faculty, and 
 ennobles the whole being ; a love that begins in time, to 
 endure through eternity. My eyes fill, I clasp my hands 
 and murmur, 
 
 " I THANK THEE, INFINITE FATHER ! "
 
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