" -f? ^^f f -ilr 
 
 LADIES aUENTLEM 
 
THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 GIFT OF 
 
 PROFESSOR 
 GEORGE R. STEWART 
 
University of California Berkeley 
 
THE 
 
 LADIES' AND GENTLEMEN'S 
 
 ETIQUETTE: 
 
 A COMPLETE MANUAL OF THE MANNERS 
 AND DRESS OF AMERICAN SOCIETY. 
 
 CONTAINING 
 
 FORMS OF LETTERS, INVITATIONS, ACCEPTANCES AND 
 REGRETS. 
 
 BY MRS. E. B. DUFFEY, 
 
 AUTHOR OF 
 ; WHAT WOMEN SHOULD KNOW," " NO SEX IN EDUCATION," ETC. 
 
 ** Wisdom and virtue are by no means sufficient, without the supplemental laws 
 of good breeding, to secure freedom from degenerating to rudeness, or self-esteem 
 from swelling into insolence; a thousand incivilities may be committed, and a 
 thousand offices neglected, without any remorse of conscience, or reproach from 
 reason." DR. JOHNSON. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA : 
 
 PORTER AND COATES, 
 
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1877, by 
 
 HENRY B. ASHMEAP, 
 In the office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 WE have so long borrowed our manners, like our 
 literature, from the Old World, that we have become 
 thoroughly imbued with the feeling that what is not 
 European what is not at least English cannot be 
 proper and right in the conduct of life. But now, 
 in the hundredth year of our national existence, it is 
 time we began to realize the fact that we are per- 
 fectly capable of depending upon ourselves in mat- 
 ters pertaining to both behavior and dress. Our 
 civilization is American ; our progress is American ; 
 and, all unaware of it as we are, our development of 
 the finer and gentler traits of character is just as 
 truly American. We should understand that the 
 American gentleman, though he may be lacking in 
 the exceedingly polished, almost subservient, out- 
 ward forms of politeness of the Frenchman though 
 he may not be so self-asserting and condescending 
 as the Englishman is just as true a gentleman; and 
 
4 PREFACE. 
 
 the type which he presents should be more accept- 
 able to the American people. Underneath an oc- 
 casional appearance of brusqueness is hidden an 
 even greater respect for women that touchstone 
 of true gentility. Our national institutions them- 
 selves teach men to respect one another as those of 
 no European nation do. 
 
 There is an unwritten code of manners in our best 
 American society, and there is no better code on the 
 face of the earth. To afford those whom untoward 
 circumstances have placed outside the pale of this 
 true democratic nobility an opportunity of acquiring 
 the culture and ease of deportment which is there 
 found, this book has been written. That its basis is 
 English cannot be denied, since our very civilization 
 has an English foundation. But this has been 
 Americanized to suit American customs, institutions 
 and ideas. It is not a book whose injunctions are 
 to be regarded as the puppet automatically obeys 
 the will of its constructor. Its precepts, founded as 
 they are upon a commendable self-forgetfulness and 
 a respect for the rights and duties of others, should 
 be learned literally by heart, that their manifestations 
 may flow spontaneously from the individual. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 PART I. 
 ETIQUETTE FOR GENERAL OCCASIONS. 
 
 CHAPTER PAGB 
 
 I. INTRODUCTORY 9 
 
 II. INTRODUCTIONS 21 
 
 III. SALUTATIONS 29 
 
 IV. CONVERSATION 39 
 
 V. THE ETIQUETTE OF VISITS 50 
 
 VI. DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS 63 
 
 VII. ETIQUETTE OF THE STREET. 81 
 
 VIII. ETIQUETTE OF TRAVELING, DRIVING AND RIDING. . 88 
 
 IX. ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES 102 
 
 X. EPISTOLARY ETIQUETTE in 
 
 XI. ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP 124 
 
 XII. TABLE ETIQUETTE 143 
 
 XIII. MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE 149 
 
 XIV. ETIQUETTE OF CARD-PLAYING 170 
 
 XV. ETIQUETTE OF VISITING-CARDS . 174 
 
 5 
 
6 CONTENTS. 
 
 PART II. 
 
 WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE AND ETIQUETTE OF 
 FOREIGN COURTS. 
 
 CHAPTER FAGS 
 
 I. SOCIAL ETIQUETTE AT WASHINGTON 178 
 
 II. FOREIGN TITLES 182 
 
 III. PRESENTATION AT COURT 187 
 
 PART III. 
 ETIQUETTE OF SPECIAL CEREMONIALS. 
 
 I. WEDDING ETIQUETTE .191 
 
 II. ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS 204 
 
 III. BIRTHS AND CHRISTENINGS . .210 
 
 IV. FUNERALS 216 
 
 PART IV. 
 
 DRESS. 
 I. THE TOILETTE 225 
 
 II. GENERAL RULES IN REGARD TO DRESS 256 
 
 III. MORNING-DRESS FOR HOUSE AND STREET 266 
 
 IV. RIDING-, DRIVING- AND VISITING-DRESSES 270 
 
 V. EVENING COSTUMES 276 
 
 VI. COSTUMES FOR PUBLIC PLACES 279 
 
 VII. COSTUMES FOR TRAVELING 285 
 
CONTENTS. 7 
 
 CHAPTER PAGR 
 
 VIII. WEDDING OUTFIT 290 
 
 IX. MOURNING 295 
 
 X. TOILETTE RECIPES 299 
 
 PART V. 
 THE LETTER-WRITER. 
 
 I. BUSINESS LETTERS 321 
 
 II. LETTERS OF CEREMONY 335 
 
 III. LOVE-LETTERS , 342 
 
BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 PART I. 
 
 ETIQUETTE FOR GENERAL OCCASIONS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 INTRODUCTORY. 
 
 CIVILIZATION may be defined as that pro- 
 cess of social culture which removes men and 
 women from the natural or savage state into one 
 wherein ate called out those higher moral and intel- 
 lectual qualities and capacities which in the uncivil- 
 ized individual are only in an embryonic condition. 
 
 I know that exception will be taken to this defini- 
 tion by many who are unwise worshipers of Nature 
 in her crudest manifestations, and who think that 
 only right which is primitively natural. But let us 
 consider. In the natural state man is a savage. He 
 wears only sufficient clothing to ptotect him from 
 the inclemencies of the weather. Though eating 
 constitutes one of his greatest enjoyments, he has 
 not yet invented any of those arts which refine and 
 intensify it, but finds sensual pleasure in the mere 
 gluttonous satisfaction of appetite. In his purely 
 
10 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 natural state he seeks a lair amid the rocks like the 
 wild beasts. A little development teaches him to 
 gather together branches from the forest and reeds 
 from the marshes with which to build himself a rude 
 hut as a protection against two-footed and four-footed 
 enemies during the unconscious hours of sleep. To 
 eat and sleep, and to leave others behind him who 
 shall go on eating and sleeping, is the sum-total of 
 existence to the savage man. He knows nothing of 
 law or order, of beauty or science. Selfishness is 
 the first law of his being. Some philosopher has 
 said truly that the most important question between 
 primitive men was, " Can I kill thee, or canst thou 
 kill me ?" Might is right ; the weaker submit to the 
 stronger, not merely in the manner in which we 
 with our thousands of years of gradually-increasing 
 civilization, cultivating our intelligence and human- 
 ity and moulding our ideas understand submission, 
 but to the degree of suffering indescribable indigni- 
 ties and cruelties, and even death, at the hands of 
 the party in power. The weak are the lawful prey 
 of the stronger ; all women are the slaves of all men. 
 the sport of their caprices, their beasts of burden, and 
 the foil by which man demonstrates his masculine 
 superiority. 
 
 The inferior condition of woman, it is curious to 
 remark, is the last trace of the natural life of man to 
 disappear before the encroachments of civilization ; 
 and those who maintain the "natural" inferiority of 
 women are right in so far as they state the actual and 
 
1NTR OD UCTOR Y. II 
 
 undeniable condition of things in an untutored nat- 
 ural state of humanity. However, it is a condition 
 which properly accompanies the lair, the hut and all 
 other savage accessories. 
 
 A book of this kind is hardly the proper place to 
 give numerous illustrations of this fact. One will 
 suffice. M. Hue, whose prolonged residence in 
 China gave him unprecedented opportunities for 
 judging of the social institutions of that country, 
 declares that the woman is always the slave of the 
 man, never protected or even recognized by the law. 
 If by chance allusion is made to her in any legal 
 proceeding, it is merely to remind her of her inferi- 
 ority, and that she is only in this world to obey and 
 suffer. M. Hue says: "Privations of every kind 
 and of every day, invectives, curses from time to 
 time, also blows, these are her heritage which she 
 must endure with patience." The same gentleman 
 also describes a scene to which he was an eye-wit- 
 ness, when, observing a crowd assembled around a 
 young woman bruised and bleeding, he inquired the 
 cause, and was informed that her husband had beaten 
 her for no other reason than that "people were laugh- 
 ing at him because he had never beaten his wife," 
 which lack of discipline was considered a wide de- 
 parture from marital dignity. This woman he ad- 
 mitted had in no wise offended him or given him 
 the slightest cause for chastisement. She died two 
 days afterward from the effects of this beating. Yet 
 China is a nation which has had for thousands of 
 
12 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 years a sort of civilization ; and probably the reason 
 why she has never advanced beyond a certain point 
 is that the degraded and despised condition of her 
 women holds her back. 
 
 It has been wisely remarked that the true advance- 
 ment of a nation may be exactly determined by the 
 position of its women. According as the mothers 
 of the race are respected and cherished will the sons 
 be wise, noble and unselfish. 
 
 Civilization, then, is the force or power which calls 
 us out from that natural state in which we are most 
 nearly allied to the brutes, and in which selfish inter- 
 ests alone predominate, and places us in a condition 
 where we may recognize ourselves as belonging to a 
 common humanity, and in which the best good of 
 each is subserved by permitting many "natural" 
 rights of individuals to be subordinated to the inter- 
 ests of all. 
 
 Nature teaches two strange savages to approach 
 each other as enemies. Each, suspicious of the 
 hostile intent of the other, maintains a natural right 
 to kill that other in self-defence. Civilization teaches 
 each man to respect the right of the other to live, 
 and to refrain from killing him in the hope and ex- 
 pectation that the other will be equally considerate. 
 
 Yet, after all, I fear civilization has not as yet per- 
 meated very deeply the hearts of men. Its influence 
 is apt to come and go with the daylight or as a man 
 passes to and from the ken of his acquaintances. 
 Many a man who considers himself a gentleman at 
 
INTR OD UCTOR Y. 13 
 
 home develops into a ruffian or a boor among 
 strangers, or a savage in the darkness. Two stran- 
 gers in a strange place seldom approach each other 
 without the old savage nature asserting itself in feel- 
 ings of mutual distrust ; and if those feelings are not 
 exhibited in overt act, it is well. 
 
 And here we may find the uses of etiquette. We 
 are not all equally civilized ; some of us are scarcely 
 more than savage by nature and training, or rather 
 lack of training. Yet we all wish to put on the 
 regalia of civilization that we may be recognized as 
 belonging to the guild of ladies and gentlemen in 
 the world. 
 
 A perfect gentleman or lady instinctively knows 
 just what to do under all circumstances, and need be 
 bound by no written code of manners. Yet there is 
 an unwritten code which is as immutable as the laws 
 of the Medes and Persians, and we who would acquire 
 gentility (I use the word with its best meaning) must 
 by some means make ourselves familiar with this. 
 
 The true gentleman is rare, but, fortunately, there 
 is no crime in counterfeiting his excellences. The 
 best of it is that the counterfeit may, in course of 
 time, develop into the real thing. 
 
 A true gentleman is always himself at his best. 
 He is inherently unselfish, thinking always of the 
 needs and desires of others before his own. He is 
 dignified among equals, respectful but not groveling 
 to his superiors, tender and considerate to inferiors, 
 and helpful and protecting to the weak. He does 
 
14 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 not put on his gentility among gentlemen and gentle- 
 women only to turn ruffian among ruffians and 
 among those of the other sex who from any cause 
 are not recognized as ladies. Women all women, of 
 whatever age or condition claim his respectful care 
 and tender and reverential regard. A gentleman is, 
 in fact, a man with the strength of manhood com- 
 bined with the delicacy of womanhood. 
 
 The following is Ruskin's opinion concerning the 
 gentleman : " A gentleman's first characteristic is 
 that fineness of structure in the body which renders 
 it capable of the most delicate sensation, and of that 
 structure in the mind which renders it capable of 
 the most delicate sympathies one may say, simply, 
 ' fineness of nature.' This is, of course, compatible 
 with heroic bodily strength and mental firmness ; in 
 fact, heroic strength is not conceivable without such 
 delicacy. Elephantine strength may drive its way 
 through a forest and feel no touch of the boughs, but 
 the white skin of Homer's Atrides would have felt 
 a bent rose-leaf, yet subdue its feelings in the glow 
 of battle and behave itself like iron. I do not mean 
 to call an elephant a vulgar animal ; but if you think 
 about him carefully, you will find that his non-vul- 
 garity consists in such gentleness as is possible to 
 elephantine nature not in his insensitive hide nor in 
 his clumsy foot, but in the way he will lift his foot if 
 a child lies in his way, and in his sensitive trunk and 
 still more sensitive mind and capability of pique on 
 points of honor. Hence it will follow that one of 
 
INTR OD UCTOR Y. 1 5 
 
 the probable signs of high breeding in men generally 
 will be their kindness and mercifulness, these always 
 indicating more or less firmness of make in the 
 mind." 
 
 How shall I describe a lady ? Solomon has done 
 it for me : 
 
 "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in 
 her. 
 
 " She will do him good, and not evil, all the days 
 of her life. 
 
 " She girdeth her loins with strength, and strength- 
 eneth her arms. 
 
 "She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, 
 she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. 
 
 "She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her 
 clothing is silk and purple. 
 
 " Her husband is known in the gates. 
 
 " Strength and honor are her clothing. 
 
 "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in 
 her tongue is the law of kindness." 
 
 Strength, honor, wisdom, goodness and virtue are 
 her requisites. A woman strong and womanly in 
 all ways, in whom the heart of a husband can safely 
 trust this is the perfect lady. 
 
 That all should seek to shape the way and fashion 
 of their lives in accordance with these models there 
 can be no doubt. The best and surest course to pur- 
 sue for that end is to look for, and to imitate as far 
 as possible, the manifestations of the characteristics 
 I have endeavored to describe. And that which was 
 
1 6 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 at first mere imitation may become at last a second 
 nature. 
 
 Civilization has its laws, civil, religious and social, 
 binding upon the community. Etiquette may be 
 considered as the by-laws of civilization, binding 
 upon each individual of the community. Arbitrary as 
 many of these by-laws may seem, they are all founded 
 upon some good and sufficient reason, and all in- 
 tended to make our manners as agreeable and inof- 
 fensive as possible to people of refined and deli- 
 cate tastes those people, in fact, who have furthest 
 escaped from the state of savagery natural to the 
 race. 
 
 Good manners were perhaps originally but an ex- 
 pression of submission from the weaker to the 
 stronger, and many traces of their origin still remain ; 
 but a spirit of kindliness and unselfishness born of 
 a higher order of civilization permeates for the most 
 part the code of politeness. 
 
 As an illustration of this,- we cannot do better than 
 cite the requirements of good breeding in regard to 
 women. As has already been shown, it is consid- 
 ered perfectly proper in the more barbarous forms of 
 society to treat woman with all contumely. In po- 
 lite society great deference is paid to her and certain 
 seemingly arbitrary requirements are made in her 
 favor. Thus a gentleman is always expected to 
 vacate his seat in favor of a lady who is unprovided 
 with one. If it were possible to carry discrimina- 
 tion into this matter of yielding up seats, and re- 
 
INTR OD UCTOR Y. 1 7 
 
 quire that the young, healthful and strong of either 
 sex should stand that the old, weak and invalid of 
 both sexes might sit, there could be no possible 
 doubt as to the propriety of the regulation. 
 
 The wisdom of the social law, as it really is, seems 
 open to question. Yet it is wise and right, never- 
 theless. Taking men as a whole, they are better 
 able to endure the fatigue of standing than women. 
 Women as the mothers of the race, the bearers and 
 nurses of children, are entitled to special considera- 
 tion and care on account of the physical disabilities 
 which these duties entail ; and even if in their ordi- 
 nary health they are capable of enduring fatigue, 
 still there are times when to compel them to this 
 endurance is cruel and unjust. Since women prefer, 
 as a rule, to conceal their womanly weaknesses and 
 disabilities as far as practicable, it is impossible for 
 individual men to judge of the strength or weakness 
 of individual women. Thus, when a man rises from 
 his seat to give it to a woman, he silently says, in 
 the spirit of true and noble manliness, " I offer you 
 this, madam, in memory of my mother, who suffered 
 that I might live, and of my present or future wife, 
 who is, or is to be, the mother of my children.''* 
 Such devotion of the stronger sex to the weaker is 
 beautiful and just; and this chivalrous spirit, carried 
 through all the requirements of politeness, has a sig- 
 nificance which should neither be overlooked nor 
 undervalued. It is the very poetry of life, and 
 tends toward that further development of civilization 
 2 
 
1 8 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 when all traces of woman's original degradation 
 shall be lost. 
 
 Those who would think slightingly of the import- 
 ance of good manners should read Emerson, who says : 
 " When we reflect how manners recommend, prepare 
 and draw people together; how, in all clubs, manners 
 make the members ; how manners make the fortune 
 of the ambitious youth ; that, for the most part, his 
 manners marry him, and, for the most part, he mar- 
 ries manners; when we think what keys they are, 
 and to what secrets; what high lessons and inspir- 
 ing tokens of character they convey ; and what divi- 
 nation is required in us for the reading of this fine 
 telegraph, we see what range the subject has, and 
 what relations to convenience, form and beauty. 
 The maxim of courts is power. A calm and reso- 
 lute bearing, a polished speech, an embellishment of 
 trifles and the art of hiding all uncomfortable feel- 
 ings are essential to the courtier. . . . Manners im- 
 press, as they indicate real power. A man who 
 is sure of his point carries a broad and contented 
 expression, which everybody reads ; and you cannot 
 rightly train to an air and manner except by making 
 him the kind of man of whom that manner is the 
 natural expression. Nature for ever puts a premium 
 on reality." 
 
 "To be truly polite," says a modern French writer, 
 "it is necessary to be at the same time good, just 
 and generous." The same writer goes on to say: 
 " True politeness is the outward visible sign of those 
 
INTRODUCTORY. 19 
 
 Inward spiritual graces called modesty, unselfishness 
 and generosity. The manners of a gentleman are 
 the index of his soul. His speech is innocent, 
 because his life is pure; his thoughts are direct, 
 because his actions are upright ; his bearing is gentle, 
 because his blood and his impulses and his training 
 are gentle ateo. A true gentleman is entirely free 
 from every kind of pretence. He avoids homage 
 instead of exacting it. Mere ceremonies have no 
 attraction for him. He seeks not to say civil things, 
 but to do them. His hospitality, though hearty and 
 sincere, will be strictly regulated by his means. 
 His friends will be chosen for their good qualities 
 and good manners; his servants for their truthful- 
 ness and honesty ; his occupations for their useful- 
 ness or their gracefulness or their elevating tenden- 
 cies, whether moral or mental or political. And so 
 we come round again to. our first maxim namely, 
 that ' good manners are the kindly fruit of a refined 
 nature.' " 
 
 Tennyson's definition of a true gentleman is 
 worthy of repetition : 
 
 " We see him as he moved, 
 How modest, kindly, all-accomplished, wise, 
 With what sublime repression of himself, 
 And in what limits, and how tenderly ; 
 Not making his high place a lawless perch 
 Of winged ambition, nor a vantage-ground 
 For pleasure ; but thro' all this tract of years 
 Wearing the white flower of a blameless life." 
 
 Lord Chesterfield declared good breeding to be 
 
20 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 " the result of much good sense, some good nature, 
 and a little self-denial for the sake of others and 
 with a view to obtain the same indulgence from 
 them." The same authority in polite matters says : 
 " Good sense and good nature suggest civility in 
 general, but in good breeding there are a thousand 
 little delicacies which are established bnly by cus- 
 tom." 
 
 " Etiquette," says a modern English author, " may 
 be defined as the minor morality of life. No ob- 
 servances, however minute, that tend to spare the 
 feelings of others, can be classed under the head of 
 trivialities; and politeness, which is but another 
 name for general amiability, will oil the creaking 
 wheels of life more effectually than any of those un- 
 guents supplied by mere wealth and station." 
 
 Then let us, in view of all this weight of opinion 
 in favor of good breeding, 
 
 " Study with care politeness that must teach 
 The modest forms of gesture and of speech." 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 INTR OD UCTIONS. 
 
 WE are born into friendships. We may be- 
 come possessed of them through a variety 
 of circumstances, but most friendships which have a 
 legitimate beginning come through an acquaintance- 
 ship which opens by means of an introduction. Not 
 that I would intimate that an acquaintance begun 
 without a formal introduction must of necessity be 
 an improper one or one formed in an improper man- 
 ner, only that such acquaintance comes through the 
 by-ways. A formal introduction is the gate which 
 guards the highway. 
 
 INTRODUCTIONS. 
 
 Care should be taken, in introducing two people 
 to each other, that the introduction will be mutually 
 agreeable. Whenever it is practicable, it is best to 
 settle the point by inquiring beforehand. When this 
 is inexpedient from any cause, a thorough acquaint- 
 ance with both parties will warrant the introducer to 
 judge of the point for him or herself. 
 
 It is especially obligatory to ask the consent of a 
 lady before introducing a gentleman, 
 
 it 
 
22 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 It is not strictly necessary that acquaintanceship 
 should await a formal introduction. Persons meet- 
 ing at the house of a common friend may consider 
 that fact a sufficient warrant for the preliminaries of 
 acquaintanceship if there seems to be a mutual in- 
 clination toward such acquaintanceship. 
 
 It is the part of a host and hostess to make intro- 
 ductions among their guests at a ball, though guests 
 may, with perfect propriety, introduce each other, or, 
 as already intimated, converse without the ceremony 
 of introduction. 
 
 PROPER FORMS OF INTRODUCTION. 
 
 The proper form of introduction is to present the 
 gentleman to the lady, the younger to the older, the 
 inferior to the superior. Thus you will say : " Mrs. 
 Gary, allow me to present to you Mr. Rhodes : Mr. 
 Rhodes, Mrs. Gary ;" " Mrs. Wood, let me present 
 to you my friend Miss Ewing ;" " General Graves, 
 permit me to introduce to you Mr. Hughes." The 
 exact words used in introductions are immaterial, so 
 that the proper order is preserved. Thus, in intro- 
 ducing two gentlemen, it is sufficient to say, " Mr. 
 Brown, Mr. Smith." 
 
 Whatever the form, it is of the utmost importance 
 that each name should be spoken distinctly. 
 
 If several persons are to be presented to one indi- 
 vidual, mention the name of the single individual 
 first, and then call the others in succession, bowing 
 slightly as each name is pronounced. 
 
INTRODUCTIONS. 23 
 
 CASUAL INTRODUCTIONS, 
 
 It is not necessary to introduce people who chance 
 to meet in your house during a morning call ; but 
 if there is no reason for supposing that such an in- 
 troduction will be objectionable to either party, it 
 seems better to give it, as it sets both parties at ease 
 in conversation. Acquaintanceship may or may not 
 follow such an introduction, at the option of the par- 
 ties. People who meet at the house of a mutual 
 friend need not recognize each other as acquaintances 
 if they meet again elsewhere unless they choose to 
 do so. 
 
 INTRODUCTION OF STRANGERS OR FOREIGNERS. 
 
 When strangers from another town or from a 
 foreign country are introduced, it is customary to 
 mention the place from which they come ; thus : 
 " Mrs. Ross, permit me to present to you Mr. Poole, 
 from New York." Or if he has recently returned 
 from traveling, it is courteous to say, " Mr. Poole, 
 recently returned from Europe." Such an announce- 
 ment opens the way for conversation at once. 
 
 INTRODUCING RELATIVES. 
 
 In introducing members of your own family, be 
 careful not only to specify the degree of relationship, 
 but to give the name also. There is nothing so 
 awkward to a stranger as to be introduced to " My 
 brother Tom," or " My sister Carrie." When either 
 
24 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 the introducer or the introduced is a married lady, 
 the most clever conjecture is not likely to discover 
 the name. 
 
 BESTOWING OF TITLES. 
 
 In introducing a person be sure to give him his 
 appropriate title. If he is a clergyman, say "The 
 Rev. Mr. Smith." If a doctor of divinity, say " The 
 Rev. Dr. Smith." If he is a member of Congress, 
 call him " Honorable," and specify to which branch of 
 Congress he belongs. If he be governor of a State, 
 mention what State. If he is a man of any celebrity 
 in the world of art or letters, it is well to mention the 
 fact something after this manner : " Mr. Brown, the 
 artist, whose pictures you have frequently seen," or 
 " Mr. Jones, author of ' The World after the Deluge/ 
 which you so greatly admired." 
 
 OBLIGATORY INTRODUCTIONS. 
 
 A friend visiting at your house must be introduced 
 to all callers, and courtesy requires them to culti- 
 vate the acquaintance while your visitor remains with 
 you. If you are the caller introduced, you must 
 show the same attention to the friend of your friend 
 that you would wish shown your own friends under 
 the same circumstances. 
 
 Friends meeting at public places need not intro- 
 duce each other to the strangers who may chance to 
 be with them ; and even if the introduction does tike 
 
INTRODUCTIONS. 2$ 
 
 place, the acquaintance need not be kept up unless 
 desired. 
 
 THE OBLIGATIONS OF INTRODUCTION. 
 
 Two persons who have been properly introduced 
 have in future certain claims upon one another's ac- 
 quaintance which should be recognized unless there 
 are sufficient reasons for overlooking them. Even 
 in that case good manners require the formal bow of 
 recognition upon meeting, which of itself encour- 
 ages no familiarity. Only a very ill-bred person will 
 meet another with a vacant stare. 
 
 THE LADY'S PREROGATIVE. 
 
 It is the lady's privilege to take the initiative in 
 recognition after an introduction, and the gentleman 
 is bound to return the bow. 
 
 LIFTING THE HAT. 
 
 A gentleman, in bowing to a lady upon the street, 
 should not merely touch his hat, but should lift it 
 from his head. 
 
 MODE OF SALUTATION AFTER INTRODUCTION. 
 
 A slight bow is all that courtesy requires after an 
 introduction. Shaking hands is optional, and it 
 should rest with the older, or the superior in social 
 standing, to make the advances. It is often an act 
 of kindness on their part, and as such to be com- 
 
26 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 mended. An unmarried lady should not shake 
 hands with gentlemen indiscriminately. 
 
 MEETING IN THE STREET. 
 
 If while walking with one friend you meet a 
 second, and the two are unacquainted, and you stop 
 a moment to speak with the friend whom you have 
 met, it is not necessary to introduce the two who 
 are strangers to one another, though when you 
 separate the friend who accompanies you should 
 give a parting salutation the same as yourself. The 
 same rule holds good if the friend whom you meet 
 chances to be a lady. 
 
 In introducing persons in public speak the names 
 as low as possible consistent with distinctness, that 
 all the world may not hear them. 
 
 THE "CUT." 
 
 The "cut direct" is only justified in case of ex- 
 traordinary and notorious bad conduct on the part 
 of the individual "cut," and is very rarely indeed 
 called for. In truth, one should have sufficient self- 
 poise and conscious dignity to feel that his or her 
 own character can never suffer by an act of common 
 courtesy to any person whatever. 
 
 ACQUAINTANCES FORMED IN TRAVELING. 
 
 Gentlemen, and ladies who have reached middle 
 age, may form acquaintances in traveling without 
 the formality of introduction; but such acquaint- 
 
INTRODUCTIONS. 2J 
 
 anceship should be conducted with a certain amount 
 of reserve, and need not be prolonged beyond the 
 time of casual meeting. The slightest approach to 
 disrespect or familiarity of manner should be checked 
 by dignified silence. This privilege of chance ac- 
 quaintanceship is not accorded to a young lady. 
 
 LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. 
 
 Use the utmost caution in giving letters of intro- 
 duction. Do not give one under any circumstances 
 unless you are perfectly well acquainted with the 
 person to be introduced and the person to whom 
 the letter is directed, and are morally certain that 
 such a letter will conduce to the pleasure of both. 
 A letter of introduction lays the recipient under cer- 
 tain obligations which he cannot well avoid, and 
 which, under certain circumstances, he may find very 
 inconvenient, or, if the person introduced does not 
 prove pleasing to him, very disagreeable. 
 
 A letter of introduction should be left unsealed, 
 that the party delivering it may read it if he will. 
 
 It is best not to deliver a letter of introduction in 
 person. Doing so necessitates a very awkward 
 moment to both parties while the letter is being 
 read. It should be sent with the card bearing the 
 name and address of the sender enclosed. 
 
 The receiver of a letter of introduction should 
 call upon the person introduced, or leave his or her 
 card the next day, and the call should be returned. 
 
 A lady receiving a letter introducing a gentleman 
 
28 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 should send him a note inviting him to pay her a 
 morning or evening visit. 
 
 Any recipient of a letter of introduction should, 
 as soon as convenient, invite the person recom- 
 mended to his or her attention to a dinner-party (if 
 practicable) at which there shall be other persons 
 present with whom it may agreeable for the stranger 
 to make acquaintance. Every other attention in the 
 person's power should be shown to render the visit 
 or stay of the party introduced agreeable. Among 
 these attentions should be included accompanying 
 him or her to places of interest 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 SALUTATIONS. 
 
 A LADY of rank, speaking of salutations, 
 makes the following remarks: "It would 
 seem that good manners were originally the expres- 
 sion of submission from the weaker to the stronger. 
 In a rude state of society every salutation is to this 
 day an act of worship. Hence the commonest acts, 
 phrases and signs of courtesy with which we are now 
 familiar date from those earlier stages when the 
 strong hand ruled and the inferior demonstrated his 
 allegiance by studied servility. Let us take, for ex- 
 ample, the words ' sir' and ' madam.' ' Sir' is derived 
 from seigneur, sieur, and originally meant lord, king, 
 ruler and, in its patriarchal sense, father. The title 
 of sire was last borne by some of the ancient feudal 
 families of France, who, as Selden has said, * affected 
 rather to be styled by the name of sire than baron, 
 as Le Sire de Montmorenci and the like.' ' Madam ' or 
 'madame,' corrupted by servants into ' ma'am,' and by 
 Mrs. Gamp and her tribe into 'mum/ is in substance 
 equivalent to 'your exalted,' or 'your highness,' ma- 
 dame originally meaning high-born or stately, and 
 being applied only to ladies of the highest rank. 
 
 29 
 
30 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 " To turn to our every-day forms of salutation. 
 We take off our hats on visiting an acquaintance. 
 We bow on being introduced to strangers. We rise 
 when visitors enter our drawing-room. We wave 
 our hand to our friend as he passes the window or 
 drives away from our door. The Oriental, in like 
 manner, leaves his shoes on the threshold when he 
 pays a visit. The natives of the Tonga Islands kiss 
 the soles of a chieftain's feet. The Siberian peasant 
 grovels in the dust before a Russian noble. Each 
 of these acts has a primary, a historical significance. 
 The very word ' salutation/ in the first place, derived 
 as it is from salutatio, the daily homage paid by a 
 Roman client to his patron, suggests in itself a his- 
 tory of manners. 
 
 " To bare the head was originally an act of sub- 
 mission to gods and rulers. A bow is a modified 
 prostration. A lady's curtsey is a modified genu- 
 flection. Rising and standing are acts of homage ; 
 and when we wave our hand to a friend on the oppo- 
 site side of the street, we are unconsciously imitating 
 the Romans, who, as Selden tells us, used to stand 
 ' somewhat off before the images of their gods, sol- 
 emnly moving the right hand to the lips and casting 
 it, as if they had cast kisses.' Again, men remove 
 the glove when they shake hands with a lady a 
 custom evidently of feudal origin. The knight re- 
 moved his iron gauntlet, the pressure of which would 
 have been all too harsh for the palm of a fair chate 
 
SALUTATIONS. 3 1 
 
 laine ; and the custom, which began in necessity, has 
 traveled down to us as a point of etiquette." 
 
 SALUTATIONS OF DIFFERENT NATIONS. 
 
 Each nation has its own method of salutation. In 
 Southern Africa it is the custom to rub toes. In 
 Lapland your friend rubs his nose against yours. 
 The Turk folds his arms upon his breast and bends 
 his head very low. The Moors of Morocco have a 
 somewhat startling mode of salutation. They ride 
 at a gallop toward a stranger, as though they would 
 unhorse him, and when close at hand suddenly 
 check their horse and fire a pistol over the person's 
 head. The Egyptian solicitously asks you, " How 
 do you perspire ?" and lets his hand fall to the knee. 
 The Chinese bows low and inquires, " Have you 
 eaten?" The Spaniard says, "God be with you, 
 sir," or, " How do you stand ?" And the" Neapoli- 
 tan piously remarks, " Grow in holiness." The Ger- 
 man asks, " Wie gehts f" How goes it with you ? 
 The Frenchman bows profoundly and inquires, 
 " How do you carry yourself?" 
 
 Foreigners are given to embracing. In France 
 and Germany the parent kisses his grown-up son on 
 the forehead, men throw their ^rms around the necks 
 of their friends, and brothers embrace like lovers. 
 It is a curious sight to Americans, with their natural 
 prejudices against publicity in kissing. 
 
 In England and America there are three modes 
 of salutation the bow, the handshake and the kiss. 
 
32 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 THE Bow. 
 
 The bow is the proper mode of salutation to ex- 
 change between acquaintances in public, and, in cer- 
 tain circumstances, in private. The bow should 
 never be a mere nod. A gentleman should raise 
 his hat completely from his head and slightly in- 
 cline the whole body. Ladies should recognize 
 their gentleman friends with a bow or graceful in- 
 clination. It is their place to bow first, although 
 among intimate acquaintances the recognition may 
 be simultaneous. 
 
 A young lady should show the same deference to 
 an elderly lady, or one occupying a higher social 
 position, that a gentleman does to a lady. 
 
 A well-bred man always removes his cigar from 
 his lips whenever he bows to a lady. 
 
 A slight acquaintance should always receive the 
 courtesy of a bow ; and it is absurd that you should 
 refuse to recognize a person in the street because you 
 may happen to have a trifling difference with him. 
 
 WORDS OF SALUTATION. 
 
 The most common forms of salutation are " How 
 d'ye do ?" " How are -you ?" " Good-morning," and 
 " Good-evening." The two latter forms seem the 
 most appropriate, as it is most absurd to ask after a 
 person's health and not stop to receive the answer. 
 A respectful bow should always accompany the 
 words of salutation. 
 
SALUTATIONS. 33 
 
 SHAKING HANDS. 
 
 Among friends the shaking of the hand is the 
 most genuine and cordial expression of good-will. 
 It is not necessary, though in certain cases it is not 
 forbidden, upon introduction; but when acquaint- 
 anceship has reached any degree of intimacy, it is 
 perfectly proper. 
 
 ETIQUETTE OF HANDSHAKING. 
 
 Says an authority upon this subject: "The eti- 
 quette of handshaking is simple. A man has no 
 right to take a lady's hand until it is offered. He 
 has even less right to pinch or retain it. Two ladies 
 shake hands gently and softly. A young lady gives 
 her hand, but does not shake a gentleman's unless 
 she is his friend. A lady should always rise to give 
 her hand ; a gentleman, of course, never dares to do 
 so seated. On introduction in a room a married 
 lady generally offers her hand ; a young lady, not. 
 In a ballroom, where the introduction is to dancing, 
 not to friendship, you never shake hands ; and as a 
 general rule, an introduction is not followed by shak- 
 ing hands, only by a bow. It may perhaps be laid 
 down that the more public the place of introduction, 
 the less handshaking takes place. But if the intro- 
 duction be particular, if it be accompanied by personal 
 recommendation, such as, ' I want you to know my 
 friend Jones/ or if Jones comes with a letter of pres- 
 entation, then you give Jones your hand, and warmly 
 
34 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 too. Lastly, it is the privilege of a superior to offer 
 or withhold his or her hand, so that an inferior 
 should never put his forward first." 
 
 When a lady so far puts aside her reserve as to 
 shake hands at all, she should give her hand with 
 frankness and cordiality. There should be equal 
 frankness and cordiality on the gentleman's part, 
 and even more warmth, though a careful avoidance 
 of anything like offensive familiarity or that which 
 might be mistaken as such. A lady who has only 
 two fingers to give in handshaking had better keep 
 them to herself; and a gentleman who rudely presses 
 the hand offered him in salutation, or too violently 
 shakes it, ought never to have an opportunity to 
 repeat his offence. 
 
 In shaking hands the right hand should always 
 be offered, unless it be so engaged as to make it 
 impossible, and then an excuse should be offered. 
 The French give the left hand, as nearest the heart. 
 
 Strict etiquette requires that a gentleman should 
 remove his glove previous to shaking hands, but 
 common sense and the example of many well-bred 
 people sanction its retention upon the hand if there 
 is any difficulty or inconvenience in removing it. 
 
 The mistress of a household should offer her 
 hand to every guest. 
 
 THE Kiss. 
 
 The most familiar and affectionate form of salu- 
 tation is the kiss. It need scarcely be said that 
 
SALUTATIONS. 35 
 
 this is only proper on special occasions and between 
 special parties. 
 
 THE Kiss OF RESPECT. 
 
 The kiss of mere respect almost obsolete, I am 
 sorry to say, in this country is made on the hand. 
 This custom is retained in Germany and among 
 gentlemen of the most courtly manners in England. 
 
 THE Kiss OF FRIENDSHIP. 
 
 The kiss of friendship and relationship is on the 
 cheeks and forehead. As a general rule, this act 
 of affection is excluded from public eyes in this 
 country in the case of parents and children un- 
 necessarily so; for there is no more pleasing and 
 touching sight than to see a young man kiss h,3 
 mother, or a young woman her father, upon meeting 
 or parting. 
 
 WOMEN KISSING IN PUBLIC. 
 
 Custom seems to give a kind of sanction to 
 women kissing each other in public ; but there is, 
 nevertheless, a touch of vulgarity about it, and a 
 lady of really delicate perceptions will avoid it. I 
 think every effort should be made to bring the 
 practice into disuse. 
 
 THE LOVERS' Kiss. 
 
 It is hardly necessary to say that the lovers' kiss 
 is never paraded in public. 
 
CHAPTER IV. 
 
 CONVERSA TION. 
 
 THE very first requisite of a good conversation- 
 alist is to be a good listener. The second 
 is to know what not to say. The third- is to have 
 ideas and be able to express them concisely, intelli- 
 gently and agreeably. 
 
 LISTENING. 
 
 The faculty of listening with interest and atten- 
 tion is one which should be specially cultivated. 
 No matter if the talker is prosy and prolix, the 
 well-bred listener will appear interested, and at ap- 
 propriate intervals make such remarks as shall show 
 that he has heard and understood all that has been 
 said. Certain superficial people are apt to style 
 this hypocrisy; but if it is, it is an exceedingly 
 commendable hypocrisy, directly founded on the 
 golden rule which commands us to show the same 
 courtesy to others that we hope to receive our- 
 selves. This golden rule is, in fact, the foundation 
 of all true etiquette. We are commanded to check 
 our impulses, conceal our dislikes, and even modify 
 our likings, whenever and wherever they are liable 
 
 36 
 
CONVERSATION. 37 
 
 to give offence or pain to others. The person who 
 turns away with manifest displeasure, disgust or 
 want of interest when another is addressing him, 
 is guilty not only of an ill-bred, but a cruel, act. 
 
 . SPEAKING ONE'S MIND. 
 
 Another grievous mistake which certain honest 
 but unthinking people are liable to fall into is that 
 of "speaking their mind " on all occasions and under 
 all circumstances. Especially do they take credit to 
 themselves for their courage if their freedom of 
 speech happens to give offence to their listeners. 
 Will not reflection show how cruel and unjust this 
 is ? The law restrains us from inflicting bodily in- 
 jury upon those with whom we disagree, yet there 
 is no legal preventive against this wounding of the 
 feelings. 
 
 UNWISE EXPRESSION OF OPINION. 
 
 Still another class of people people with the 
 best intentions feel it a duty which they take a 
 satisfaction in performing, to parade their opinions 
 on all occasions, opportune or inopportune. Such 
 people should reflect that even the highest truth will 
 suffer from an unwise and .over-zealous advocacy. 
 Courtesy requires that we give to the opinions of 
 others the same toleration that we exact for our own, 
 and good sense should cause us to remember that 
 we are never likely to convert a person to our views 
 when we begin by violating his notions of propriety 
 
3$ OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 and exciting his prejudices. A silent advocate of a 
 cause is always better than an indiscreet one. 
 
 PUBLIC MENTION OF PRIVATE MATTERS. 
 
 Another error of conversation is that of parading 
 merely private matters before a public of mixed as- 
 sembly or to acquaintances. Be assured, if strangers 
 really wish to become informed about you or your 
 affairs, they will find the means to gratify their curi- 
 osity without your advising them gratuitously. Be- 
 sides, personal and family affairs, no matter how 
 interesting they may be to the parties immediately 
 concerned, are generally of little moment to out- 
 siders. Still less will the well-bred person inquire 
 into or narrate the private affairs of any other family 
 or individual. 
 
 OSTENTATIOUS DISPLAY OF KNOWLEDGE. 
 
 In refined and intelligent society one should always 
 display himself at his best and make a proper and 
 legitimate use of all such acquirements as he may 
 happen to have. But there should be no ostentatious 
 or pedantic show of erudition. Besides being vul- 
 gar, such a show subjects the person to ridicule. 
 
 PRUDERY. 
 
 Avoid an affectation of excessive modesty. Do not 
 use the word " limb" for " leg." If legs are really 
 improper, then let us on no account mention them. 
 
CONVERSA TIOX. 39 
 
 But having found it necessary to mention them, let 
 us by all means give them their appropriate name. 
 The change of name of an improper or offensive 
 object cannot change the idea suggested by it. 
 However, the impropriety consists not in the tabooed 
 objects themselves, but in the mind of the person 
 who has connected prurient ideas with them. 
 
 DOUBLE ENTENDRES. 
 
 I need not say that no person of decency, still less 
 delicacy, will be guilty of a double entendre. Still, 
 as there are persons in the world possessing neither 
 of these characteristics who will be guilty of them in 
 the presence of people more respectable than them- 
 selves, and as the young and inexperienced are some- 
 times in doubt how to receive them, it is well to make 
 some reference to them in a book of this character. 
 A well-bred person always refuses to understand a 
 phrase of doubtful meaning. If the phrase may be 
 interpreted decently, and with such interpretation 
 would provoke a smile, then smile to just the degree 
 called for by such interpretation, and no more. The 
 prudery which sits in solemn and severe rebuke at 
 a double entendre is only second in indelicacy to the 
 indecency which grows hilarious over it, since both 
 must recognize the evil intent. It is sufficient to let 
 it pass unrecognized. 
 
 INDELICATE WORDS AND EXPRESSIONS. 
 Not so when one hears an indelicate word or ex- 
 
4O OUR BEHAVICR. 
 
 pression, which allows of no possible harmless inter- 
 pretation. Then not the shadow of a smile should 
 flit across the lips. Either complete silence should 
 be preserved in return or the words, " I do not un- 
 derstand you," be spoken. A lady will always fail 
 to hear that which she should not hear, or, having 
 unmistakably heard, she will not understand. 
 
 Apropos of this is an anecdote which I have just 
 listened to from an elderly lady. In her youth this 
 lady was once in the streets of the city alone after 
 dark, and a man accosted her. She replied to him 
 in French. He followed her some distance, trying to 
 open a conversation with her ; but as she persisted 
 in replying only in French, he at last turned away, 
 completely baffled in his efforts to understand or be 
 understood. 
 
 PROFANITY. 
 
 No gentleman uses profane language. Having 
 stated this, it is unnecessary to add that no gentle- 
 man uses profane language in the presence of a lady. 
 
 VULGAR EXCLAMATIONS. 
 
 No lady, if she wishes to preserve unsullied her 
 patent of ladyhood, will be guilty of any feminine 
 substitute for profanity. The woman who exclaims 
 " The dickens !" or " Mercy !" or " Goodness !" when 
 she is annoyed or astonished is as vulgar in spirit, 
 though perhaps not quite so regarded by society, as 
 though she had used expressions which in print are 
 
CONVERSATION. 41 
 
 generally indicated by an initial letter and a dash. 
 It is curious how these profane and nonsensical ex- 
 clamations cling to the language, and are even trans- 
 ferred from one language to another. Thus the lady 
 who innocently sighs, "Ah, dear me!" has no sus- 
 picion that she is using profane Italian, saying, "Ah, 
 Dio mioT (Ah, my God !). 
 
 SLANG. 
 
 We need scarcely speak of the vulgarity of slang. 
 Only the uncultivated and coarse will ever soil their 
 lips with it. 
 
 HIGH-FLOWN LANGUAGE. 
 
 Precisely the reverse of this, yet giving scarcely 
 less evidence of want of proper cultivation, is the 
 assumption of refinement in the choice of language. 
 Some people never " go to bed ;" they " retire." 
 They never "read" a book or paper, but "peruse" 
 it. They " purchase " instead of " buy;" they never 
 "wish," but "desire." They are never guilty of 
 commonplace " talking ;" they always " converse." 
 The best talkers and writers express their ideas in 
 the plainest and simplest language. 
 
 USE OF FOREIGN LANGUAGE. 
 
 Akin to this fault is the habit of introducing 
 words 'or phrases of French or other foreign lan- 
 guages into common conversation. This is only 
 allowable in writing, and not then except when the 
 foreign word or phrase expresses more clearly and 
 
42 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 directly than English can do the desired mean 
 ing. In familiar conversation this is an affectation 
 only pardonable when all persons present ate per- 
 fectly familiar with the language. 
 
 UNDUE FAMILIARITY. 
 
 Avoid all coarseness and familiarity in address- 
 ing others. A person who makes himself offens- 
 ively familiar will have few friends. 
 
 PRETENCES. 
 
 Avoid all pretence at gentility. Pass for what 
 you are, and nothing more. If you are obliged to 
 make any little economies, do not be ashamed to 
 acknowledge them as economies if it becomes 
 necessary to speak of them at all. If you keep no 
 carriage, do not be over-solicitous to impress your 
 friends that the sole reason for this deficiency is 
 because you prefer to walk. Do not be ashamed 
 of poverty; but, on the other hand, do not flaunt 
 its rags unmercifully in the face of others. It is 
 best to say nothing about it either in excuse or 
 defence. 
 
 ARISTOCRATIC ASSUMPTIONS. 
 
 Do not, of all things, in this republican country, 
 boast of blood and family and talk of belonging to 
 the "aristocracy." Nor, unless you wish to be set 
 down as a superlative fool by all sensible people. 
 put your servants in livery and a coat of arms 
 
CONVERSATION. 43 
 
 upon the panels of your carriage and upon your 
 
 plate. 
 
 INTERRUPTIONS IN CONVERSATION. 
 
 Never interrupt a person who is speaking. Wait 
 until you are sure he has finished what he has to 
 say before you attempt to speak. 
 
 DOGMATIC STYLE OF SPEAKING. 
 
 Never speak dogmatically or with an assumption 
 of knowledge or information beyond that of those 
 with whom you are conversing. Even if you are 
 conscious of this superiority, a proper and becoming 
 modesty will lead you to conceal it as far as pos- 
 sible, that you may not put to shame or humilia- 
 tion those less fortunate than yourself. At all 
 events, they will discover your superiority or they 
 will not. If they discover it of their own accord, 
 they will have much more admiration for you than 
 though you forced the recognition upon them. If 
 they do not discover it, rest assured you cannot 
 force it upon their perceptions, and they will only 
 hold you in contempt for trying to do so. Besides, 
 there is the possibility that you over-estimate your- 
 self, and instead of being a wise man you are only a 
 self-sufficient fool. 
 
 FLATTERY. 
 
 Do not be guilty of flattery. Commend the esti- 
 mable traits of your friends to others whenever and 
 wherever you can, and you may even express your 
 
44 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 honest approval directly to them if you possess a 
 delicate tact. Indeed, it is one of the most impera- 
 tive social duties to let others see our appreciation 
 of the good in their characters or actions. But 
 beware of insincere praise bestowed from an un- 
 worthy motive. 
 
 FAULTFINDING. 
 
 Do not be censorious or faultfinding. Long and 
 close friendship may sometimes excuse one friend in 
 reproving or criticising another, but it must always be 
 done in the kindest and gentlest manner, and in nine 
 cases out of ten had best be left undone. When 
 one is inclined to be censorious or critical, it is well 
 to remember the scriptural injunction, " First cast 
 the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou 
 see clearly to cast the mote out of thy brother's 
 eye." 
 
 EVIL SPEAKING. 
 
 Never attack the characters of others in their 
 absence; and if you hear others attacked, say what 
 you can consistently to defend them. 
 
 TOPICS TO BE AVOIDED. 
 
 Avoid political or religious topics in general con- 
 versation, also in a tete-a-tete conversation if there is 
 any likelihood of your listener differing with you. 
 These topics always call out strong personal feeling, 
 and when a difference of opinion arises, there almost 
 invariably follows a warmth of expression which is 
 
CON VERSA TION. 45 
 
 certain to be regretted after the heat of the argument 
 has died away. 
 
 EGOTISM. 
 
 Do not be egotistic. If you find yourself using 
 the pronoun "I" too much, change the topic of 
 conversation to a less personal one. 
 
 WIT. 
 
 Be witty and amusing if you like, or rather if 
 you can ; but never use your wit at the expense of 
 others. 
 
 DISPLAY OF EMOTIONS. 
 
 It is needless to say, avoid all exhibitions of temper 
 before others if you find it impossible to suppress 
 them entirely. All emotions, whether of grief or 
 joy, should be subdued in public, and only allowed 
 full play in the privacy of our own apartments. 
 
 CORRECT SPEECH. 
 
 Be careful to speak correctly yourself, but never 
 take notice of the inaccuracies of either grammar or 
 pronunciation of others. 
 
 ABSENT-MINDEDNESS. 
 
 Do not appear to be preoccupied in the presence 
 of others. Lord Chesterfield said : " When I see a 
 man absent in mind, I choose to be absent in body." 
 
 WHISPERING IN COMPANY. 
 Never whisper in company. Neither engage a 
 
46 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 single individual in the discussion of matters which 
 are not understood by the others present. 
 
 PRIVATE AFFAIRS OF OTHERS. 
 
 Never directly or indirectly refer to the affairs of 
 others which it may give them pain in any degree to 
 recall. 
 
 IMPERTINENT QUESTIONS. 
 
 Never ask impertinent questions ; and under this 
 head may be included nearly all questions. Some 
 authorities in etiquette go so far as to say that all 
 questions are strictly tabooed. Thus, if you wished 
 to inquire after the health of the brother of your 
 friend, you would say, " I hope your brother is well," 
 not, " How is your brother's health ?" 
 
 THE CONFIDENCE OF OTHERS. 
 
 Never try to force yourself into the confidence of 
 others ; but if they give you their confidence of 
 their own free will, let nothing whatever induce you 
 to betray it. Never seek to pry into a secret, and 
 never divulge one. 
 
 UNPLEASANT TOPICS OF CONVERSATION. 
 
 Never introduce unpleasant topics or describe re- 
 volting scenes in general company. 
 
 GIVING UNSOUGHT ADVICE. 
 
 Never give officious advice. Even when your ad- 
 vice is sought, be sparing of it. 
 
CONVERSA TION. 47 
 
 CANT. 
 
 If you are talking on religious subjects, avoid all 
 cant. Cant words and phrases may be used in good 
 faith from the force of habit, but their use subjects 
 the speaker to a suspicion of insincerity. 
 
 CONVERSING WITH LADIES. 
 
 If you are a gentleman, never lower the intellect- 
 ual standard of your conversation in addressing 
 ladies. Pay them the compliment of seeming to 
 consider them capable of an equal understanding 
 with gentlemen. You will, no doubt, be somewhat 
 surprised to find in how many cases the supposition 
 will be grounded on fact, and in the few instances 
 where it is not the ladies will be pleased rather than 
 offended at the delicate compliment you pay them. 
 When you " come down" to commonplace or small- 
 talk with an intelligent lady, one of two things is 
 the consequence : she either recognizes the conde- 
 scension and despises you, or else she accepts it as 
 the highest intellectual effort of which you are capa 
 ble, and rates you accordingly. 
 
 CONGENIAL SUBJECTS OF CONVERSATION. 
 
 Still, you should always try to adapt your conver- 
 sation to the tastes of those with whom you are con- 
 versing. If you can contrive delicately to speak of 
 matters in which the person is specially interested, 
 such as her children to a mother, to an author on 
 
48 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 the subject of his forthcoming book, and so on, you 
 will be considered an especially agreeable com- 
 panion. 
 
 HOBBIES. 
 
 People with hobbies are at once the easiest and 
 most difficult persons with whom to engage in con- 
 versation. On general subjects they are idealess and 
 voiceless beyond monosyllables. But introduce their 
 special hobby, and if you choose you need only to 
 listen. There is much profit to be derived from the 
 conversation of these persons. They will give you 
 a clearer idea of the aspects of any subject or theory 
 which they may have taken to heart than you could 
 perhaps gain in any other way. 
 
 The too constant riding of hobbies is not, however, 
 to be specially commended. An individual, though 
 he may be pardoned in cultivating special tastes, 
 should yet be possessed of sufficiently broad and 
 general information to be able to converse intelli- 
 gently on all subjects, and he should, as far as pos- 
 sible, reserve his hobby-riding for exhibition before 
 those who ride hobbies the same as or similar to his 
 own. 
 
 The foregoing rules are not simply intended as 
 good advice. They are strict laws of etiquette, to 
 violate any one of which justly subjects a person to 
 the imputation of being ill-bred. But they should 
 not be studied as mere arbitrary rules. The heart 
 should be cultivated in the right manner until the 
 
CONVERSATION. 49 
 
 acts of the individual spontaneously flow in the right 
 channels. 
 
 A recent writer remarks on this subject : " Con- 
 versation is a reflex of character. The pretentious, 
 the illiterate, the impatient, the curious, will as inev- 
 itably betray their idiosyncrasies as the modest, the 
 even-tempered and the generous. Strive as we may, 
 we cannot always be acting. Let us, therefore, cul- 
 tivate a tone of mind and a habit of life the betrayal 
 of which need not put us to shame in the company 
 of the pure and wise, and the rest will be easy. If 
 we make ourselves worthy of refined and intelligent 
 society, we shall not be rejected from it ; and in such 
 society we shall acquire by example all that we have 
 failed to learn from precept." 
 
 4 
 
CHAPTER V. 
 
 THE ETIQUETTE OF VISITS. 
 
 VISITS are of ceremony, of condolence, of con- 
 gratulation and of friendship. The three 
 former are usually brief in duration, and, in contra- 
 distinction to more lengthy visits, denominated calls. 
 
 CALLS. 
 
 Calls may be made either in the morning or in 
 the evening. 
 
 MORNING CALLS. 
 
 Morning calls should not be made earlier than 
 twelve M. nor later than five P. M. From twelve 
 until three are the most fashionable hours. 
 
 A morning call should not exceed half an hour in 
 length. From ten to twenty minutes is ordinarily 
 quite long enough. If other visitors come in, the 
 visit should terminate as speedily as possible. Upon 
 leaving bow slightly to the strangers. It is not 
 necessary to introduce visitors to each other at a 
 morning call unless they have indicated their desire 
 to be acquainted. 
 
 In making a call be careful to avoid the lunch- or 
 dinner-hour of your friends. 
 
 50 
 
THE ETIQUETTE OF VISITS. 5 I 
 
 EVENING CALLS. 
 
 In many cases it is more convenient for both caller 
 and called upon that the call should be made in the 
 evening. An evening call should never take place 
 later than nine o'clock nor be prolonged after ten, 
 neither should it be more than an hour in length. 
 
 THE VISITING-CARD. 
 
 On making a call send up your card by the one 
 who answers your summons at the door, if the per- 
 son or persons called upon are at home. This is bet- 
 ter than trusting your name to a servant, who may 
 possibly mispronounce it. Leave your card at the 
 door if you find no one at home. If there are two 
 or more ladies for whom the call was intended, a 
 corner of the card should be turned down. 
 
 INSCRIPTION ON VISITING-CARD. 
 
 A visiting-card should bear simply the name and 
 address of its owner. If the person has any legit- 
 imate title, such as Dr. or Rev. or Capt, it is perfectly 
 proper to prefix it to the name ; but if the title is 
 merely an honorary one, such as Prof, or Hon., 
 good taste indicates that it should be omitted. 
 
 RECEIVING A VISITOR. 
 
 A gentleman on receiving a friend meets him at 
 the door and places a chair for him. A lady should 
 
52 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 rise to meet a gentleman, but need not advance from 
 her seat if she do not choose. She may shake hands 
 with her guest if she feels inclined, or she may 
 merely bow. In receiving a lady she should advance 
 to meet her. 
 
 DEPARTURE OF VISITORS. 
 
 A gentleman on receiving a lady should not only 
 meet her at the door of the drawing-room, but should 
 at the end of her call accompany her to the steps, 
 and even to her carriage. A lady should accompany 
 a lady visitor to the door on leaving unless other 
 guests claim her attention. If her visitor be a gen- 
 tleman, she may content herself with ringing for the 
 servant to see him to the door. 
 
 GENERAL RULES REGARDING CALLS. 
 
 In making a formal call a gentleman should re- 
 tain his hat and gloves in his hand on entering the 
 room. The hat should not be laid upon a table or 
 stand, but kept in the hand, unless it is found neces- 
 sary from some cause to set it down. In that case 
 deposit it upon the floor. An umbrella should be 
 left in the hall. In an informal evening call the 
 hat, gloves, overcoat and cane may all be left in the 
 hall. 
 
 A lady may in making a call bring a stranger, 
 even a gentleman, with her without previous per- 
 mission. A gentleman should never take that 
 liberty. 
 
THE ETIQUETTE OF VISITS. $3 
 
 No one should prolong a call if the person upon 
 whom the call is made is found dressed ready to go 
 out. 
 
 Never look at a watch during a morning visit. 
 
 A lady never calls upon a gentlemen except pro- 
 fessionally or officially. 
 
 A lady should be more richly dressed when call- 
 ing on her friends than for an ordinary walk. 
 
 Never allow young children or pets of any sort to 
 accompany you in a call. They often prove very 
 disagreeable and troublesome. 
 
 In receiving morning visits it is unnecessary for 
 a lady to lay aside any employment not of an absorb- 
 ing nature upon which she may happen to be en- 
 gaged. Embroidery, crocheting or light needle- 
 work is perfectly in harmony with the requirements 
 of the hour, and the lady looks much better em- 
 ployed than in perfect idleness. 
 
 A lady should pay equal attention to all her guests. 
 The display of unusual deference is alone allowable 
 when distinguished rank or reputation or advanced 
 age justifies it. 
 
 A guest should take the seat indicated by the 
 hostess. A gentleman should never seat himself 
 on a sofa beside her, or in a chair in immediate prox- 
 imity, unless she specially invites him to do so. 
 
 The seat of honor in the winter is in the corner 
 by the fireplace, and that seat should be offered to 
 the most distinguished guest. If a single lady 
 occupies the seat and a married lady enters, the 
 
54 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 former should immediately rise and offer the latter 
 her seat, herself taking another chair. 
 
 When a person has once risen to take his leave, he 
 should not be persuaded to prolong his stay. 
 
 A caller should take special pains to make his 
 visits opportune. On the other hand, a lady should 
 always receive her callers at whatever hour or day 
 they come if it is possible to do so. 
 
 " ENGAGED " OR " NOT AT HOME." 
 
 If a lady is so employed that she cannot do this, 
 she should charge the servant who goes to answer 
 the bell to say that she is " engaged." This will 
 prove sufficient with all well-bred people. On no 
 account return the message "engaged" after the 
 card or name has been sent up. It will in that case 
 look as though there were a personal and special 
 reason for not seeing the visitor. 
 
 The servant should have her orders to say " en- 
 gaged " before any one has called, so the lady shall 
 avoid all risk of being obliged to inconvenience her- 
 self in receiving company when she has intended 
 to deny herself. If there are to be exceptions made 
 in favor of any individual or individuals, mention his 
 or their names specially to the servant, adding that 
 you will see them if they call, but to all others you 
 are " engaged." 
 
 A lady should always be dressed sufficiently well 
 to receive company, and not keep them waiting while 
 she is making her toilette. 
 
THE ETIQUETTE OF VISITS. 55 
 
 RECEPTION DAYS. 
 
 Some ladies receive only on certain days or even- 
 ings. But unless the lady has professional duties or 
 is very much occupied with social ones, there is a 
 sort of affectation about this, as it assumes that your 
 acquaintances will specially charge themselves with 
 remembering your particular day. Still, when a 
 lady has made this rule, it is considerate in her 
 friends to try and observe it. 
 
 OFFERING REFRESHMENTS TO CALLERS. 
 
 It is neither necessary nor customary, in cities 
 and towns, to offer refreshments to visitors. But in 
 the country, where the caller has come from a dis- 
 tance, it is exceedingly hospitable to do so. 
 
 CALLS IN THE COUNTRY 
 
 May be less ceremonious and of longer duration 
 than those made in the city. 
 
 No hostess will ever leave the room, or even rise 
 from her seat, if she can avoid it, except to receive 
 or take leave of other visitors, while her visitors 
 remain. 
 
 Never touch an open piano or walk around the 
 room examining pictures while waiting for your 
 hostess. 
 
 Never handle any ornament in the room or play 
 with your parasol or cane during your call. 
 
 In calling upon friends at a boarding-house or 
 
5 6 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 hotel, write their names above your own on your 
 card, that the right persons may be sure to receive it 
 
 CALLS DURING ILLNESS. 
 
 Calls made upon you, either in person or by 
 card, during illness, must be returned as soon as 
 your health is restored. 
 
 ETIQUETTE OF THE VISITING-CARD. 
 
 The card plays an important role in visits. 
 
 A card should always be sent by the servant 
 who admits you to the hostess who is to receive 
 you, that there may be no mistake in your name. 
 
 If you find any one absent from home or en* 
 gaged, a card may be left in lieu of a visit. 
 
 A married lady may leave her husband's card 
 with her own. 
 
 Cards may be sent during the illness of any one, 
 accompanied with verbal inquiries concerning the 
 patient's health. 
 
 In case of visits of condolence, cards may be 
 made to serve the purpose of an actual visit. 
 
 So, also, on occasions for congratulation, if cir- 
 cumstances forbid an immediate formal visit, a card 
 should be sent instead. 
 
 A newly-married couple indicate whom they wish*, 
 to retain for acquaintances by sending out their 
 cards. The reception of these cards should be ac- 
 knowledged by an early personal call. 
 
THE ETIQUETTE OF VISITS. $? 
 
 Cards must be left the week following a dinner- 
 party, ball or social gathering. 
 
 THE FIRST TO CALL. 
 
 Residents in a place should make the first call 
 upon new comers. This call should be returned 
 within a week. 
 
 CALLING ON STRANGERS. 
 
 If there is a stranger visiting at the house of a 
 friend, the acquaintances of the family should be 
 punctilious to call at an early date. 
 
 CALLING ON AN INVALID. 
 
 Never offer to go to the room of an invalid upon 
 whom you have called. Wait for an invitation to 
 be given you to do so. 
 
 LAYING ASIDE THE BONNET. 
 
 A lady should never lay aside her bonnet during 
 a formal call even though urged to do so. If the 
 call be a friendly and unceremonious one, she may 
 do so if she thinks proper, though never without an 
 invitation. 
 
 If you should call upon a friend and find a party 
 assembled, remain a short time and converse in an 
 unembarrassed manner, and then withdraw, refusing 
 invitations to remain unless they be very pressing 
 and apparently sincere. 
 
58 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 VISITS OF CONDOLENCE. 
 
 Visits of condolence should be paid as soon as 
 practicable after the event which occasions them. 
 They should be brief. The dress of the caller 
 should be plain in style and subdued in color. 
 The conversation should be in harmony with the 
 character of the visit, avoiding every gay and trifling 
 subject, yet leaving it optional with those to whom 
 you would offer your sympathy whether they shall 
 refer to their bereavement or not. 
 
 GENERAL INVITATIONS. 
 
 No one should accept a general invitation for a 
 prolonged visit. " Do come and spend some time 
 with me" may be said with all earnestness and 
 cordiality, but to give the invitation real meaning 
 the date should be definitely fixed and the length of 
 time stated. 
 
 A person who pays a visit upon a general invita- 
 tion need not be surprised if he finds himself as un- 
 welcome as he is unexpected. His friends may be 
 absent from home, or their house may be already 
 full, or they may not have made arrangements for 
 visitors. From these and other causes they may be 
 greatly inconvenienced by an unexpected arrival. 
 
 It would be well if people would abstain altogether 
 from this custom of giving general invitations, which 
 really mean nothing, and be scrupulous to invite 
 their desired guests at a stated time and for a given 
 period. 
 
THE ETIQUETTE OF VIMTb. 59 
 
 LIMIT OF A PROLONGED VISIT. 
 If no exact length of time is specified, it is well 
 for the visitor himself to limit his visit to three days 
 or a week, according to the degree of intimacy he 
 has with the family or the distance he has come to 
 pay the visit, announcing this limitation soon after 
 his arrival, so that the host and hostess may invite 
 a prolongation of the stay if they desire it, or so they 
 can make their arrangements in accordance. One 
 never likes to ask of a guest, " How long do you in- 
 tend to remain ?" yet it is often most desirable to 
 know. 
 
 TRUE HOSPITALITY. 
 
 Offer your guests the best that you have in the 
 way of food and rooms, and express no regrets and 
 make no excuses that you have nothing better to 
 give them. 
 
 Try to make your guests feel at home; and do 
 this, not by urging them in empty words to do so, 
 but by making their stay as pleasant as possible, at 
 the same time being careful to put out of sight any 
 trifling trouble or inconvenience they may cause 
 you. 
 
 Devote as much time as is consistent with other 
 engagements to the amusement and entertainment 
 of your guests. 
 
 DUTIES OF THE VISITOR. 
 
 On the other hand, the visitor should try to con- 
 form as much as possible to the habits of the house 
 
60 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 which temporarily shelters him. He should never 
 object to the hours at which meals are served, nor 
 should he ever allow the family to be kept waiting 
 on his account. 
 
 It is a good rule for a visitor to retire to his own 
 apartment in the morning, or at least seek out some 
 occupation of his own, without seeming to need 
 the assistance or attention of host or hostess ; for 
 it is undeniable that these have certain duties which 
 must be attended to at this portion of the day, in 
 order to leave the balance of the time free for the 
 entertainment of their guests. 
 
 If any family matters of a private or unpleasant 
 nature come to the knowledge of the guest during 
 his stay, he must seem both blind and deaf, and 
 never refer to them unless the parties interested 
 speak of them first. Still more is he under moral 
 obligations never to repeat to others what he may 
 have been forced to see and hear. 
 
 The rule on which a host and hostess should act 
 is to make their guests as much at ease as possible ; 
 that on which a visitor should act is to interfere as 
 little as possible with the ordinary routine of the 
 house. 
 
 It is not required that a hostess should spend her 
 whole time in the entertainment of her guests. The 
 latter may prefer to be left to their own devices for 
 a portion of the day. On the other hand, it shows 
 the worst of breeding for a visitor to seclude himself 
 from the family and seek his own amusements and 
 
THE ETIQUETTE OF VISITS. 6 1 
 
 occupations regardless of their desire to join in them 
 or entertain him. Such a guest had better go to a 
 hotel, where he can live as independently as he 
 chooses. 
 
 Give as little trouble as possible when a guest, 
 but at the same time never think of apologizing for 
 any little additional trouble which your visit may 
 occasion. It would imply that you thought your 
 friends incapable of entertaining you without some 
 inconvenience to themselves. 
 
 Keep your room as neat as possible, and leave no 
 articles of dress or toilet around to give trouble to 
 servants. 
 
 A lady will not hesitate to make her own bed if 
 few or no servants are kept ; and in the latter case 
 she will do whatever else she can to lighten the labors 
 of her hostess as a return for the additional exertion 
 her visit occasions. 
 
 LEAVETAKING. 
 
 Upon taking leave express the pleasure you have 
 experienced in your visit. Upon returning home it 
 is an act of courtesy to write and inform your friends 
 of your safe arrival, at the same time repeating your 
 thanks. 
 
 A host and hostess should do all they can to make 
 the visit of a friend agreeable ; they should urge 
 him to stay as long as is consistent with his own 
 plans, and at the same time convenient to them- 
 selves. But when the time for departure has been 
 
62 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 finally fixed upon, no obstacles should be placed in 
 the way of leavetaking. Help him in every possi- 
 ble way to depart, at the same time giving him a 
 general invitation to renew the visit at some future 
 period. 
 
 " Welcome the coming, speed the parting, guest," 
 
 expresses the true spirit of hospitality. 
 
 NEW YEAR'S CALLS. 
 
 It is customary in fashionable circles for gentle- 
 men to call upon their lady friends on New Year's 
 day. These calls are very brief, and the ladies 
 should be prepared to receive at an early hour in 
 the morning 
 
 It is necessary for the gentleman to present a card 
 on entering, exchange the compliments of the day, 
 engage in a few moments' conversation, and then 
 take his departure, leaving the hostess at liberty to 
 receive the next callers. 
 
 A refreshment-table is generally set in the back 
 part of the room, containing cake, lemonade and 
 coffee. Wine was formerly the usual beverage at 
 these receptions, but the abuses it sometimes occa- 
 sioned have caused its banishment from most parlors 
 on New Year's day. 
 
CHAPTER VI. 
 
 DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 
 
 THE first consideration, when one has resolved 
 to give a dinner-party, is who shall be invited; 
 the second, how many. The utmost care should be 
 taken that all the company will be congenial to one 
 another, and with a similarity of tastes and acquire- 
 ments, so that there shall be a common ground upon 
 which they may meet. 
 
 NUMBER OF GUESTS. 
 
 The number of guests should not be too large. 
 From six to ten form the best number, being neither 
 too large nor too small. By no means let the num- 
 ber at table count thirteen, for certain people have a 
 superstition about this number ; and though it is a 
 very foolish and absurd one, it is courteous to re- 
 spect it. 
 
 TIME OF SENDING INVITATIONS. 
 
 The invitations should be sent out some little time 
 
 in advance of the proposed dinner-party, though the 
 
 exact length of time depends much upon the locality 
 
 where the persons concerned reside. If in a country 
 
 63 
 
64 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 place where entertainments are rare, a week before- 
 hand, or even less, will suffice. In a large town or 
 city two or three weeks is not too long, so that the 
 persons who are invited may have ample time to 
 arrange their engagements accordingly. 
 
 MANNER OF WRITING INVITATIONS. 
 
 The invitations should be written on small note- 
 paper, which may have the initial letter or mono- 
 gram stamped upon it, but good taste forbids any- 
 thing more. The envelope should match the sheet 
 of paper. 
 
 The invitation should be issued in the name of 
 the host and hostess. 
 
 The form of invitation should be as follows : 
 
 " Mr. and Mrs. Mortimer request the pleasure [01 
 favor] of Mr. and Mrs. Arnold's company at dinner 
 on Thursday, the 1 3th of December, at 5 o'clock." 
 
 An answer should be returned at once, so that 
 if the invitation is declined the hostess may mod- 
 ify her arrangements accordingly. 
 
 INVITATION ACCEPTED. 
 
 An acceptance may be given in the following 
 form : 
 
 " Mr. and Mrs. Arnold have much pleasure in 
 accepting Mr. and Mrs. Mortimer's invitation for 
 December I3th." 
 
DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 65 
 
 INVITATION DECLINED. 
 
 The invitation is declined in the following manner : 
 
 " Mr. and Mrs. Arnold regret that a previous en- 
 gagement (or whatever the cause may be) will pre- 
 vent them having the pleasure of accepting Mr. and 
 Mrs. Mortimer's invitation for December I3th." 
 
 Or, 
 
 " Mr. and Mrs. Arnold regret extremely that 
 owing to [whatever the preventing cause may be], 
 they cannot have the pleasure of dining with Mr. 
 and Mrs. Mortimer on Thursday, December 1 3th." 
 
 Whatever the cause for declining may be, it should 
 be stated briefly yet plainly, that there may be no 
 occasion for misunderstanding or hard feelings. 
 
 INVITATION TO TEA-PARTY. 
 
 The invitation to a tea-party may be less formal. 
 It may take the form of a friendly note, something 
 in this manner : 
 
 " DEAR Miss RAYMOND, 
 
 " We have some friends coming to drink tea with 
 us to-morrow: will you give us the pleasure of 
 your company also? We hope you will not dis- 
 appoint us." 
 
 One should always say "drink tea," not "take 
 tea," which is a vulgarism. 
 
 FAILING TO FILL AN ENGAGEMENT. 
 Once an invitation to dinner is accepted, nothing 
 
 5 
 
66 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 but illness or death should be allowed to interfere 
 with the engagement. When it is discovered that 
 the engagement must absolutely be broken, send a 
 note at once, in time to allow your place to be 
 supplied. 
 
 PROPER HOUR FOR DINNER-PARTY. 
 
 The dinner-hour varies with different localities. 
 
 In cities, where gentlemen are detained at their 
 places of business during the whole of the day, din- 
 ner is ordinarily postponed until five, six, or even 
 seven, o'clock. 
 
 In small towns and country places dinner occurs 
 at a much earlier hour. Therefore no exact direc- 
 tions can be given in this matter, but that hour must 
 be selected which most nearly corresponds with the 
 known habits of the guests. 
 
 The hostess should perfect all her arrangements 
 for her dinner, so that as soon as her guests begin 
 to assemble she may devote her whole attention 
 to them without any disturbing thoughts. 
 
 PUNCTUALITY. 
 
 Punctuality is rigorously enjoined upon guests at 
 a dinner-party. No one has a right to keep an 
 assembled company waiting, and perhaps cause the 
 dinner to spoil, on his account. 
 
 Guests should not arrive too early, or they may 
 surprise their hostess before all her arrangements 
 are completed. 
 
DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 6,7 
 
 Dinner should be announced soon after the last 
 guest has arrived. 
 
 RECEPTION OF GUESTS. 
 
 When guests are announced, the lady of the 
 house advances a few steps to meet them, gives 
 them her hand and welcomes them cordially. 
 
 INTRODUCTIONS OF GUESTS. 
 
 If there are strangers in the company, it is best 
 to introduce them to all present, that they may 
 feel no embarrassment. 
 
 PROCEEDING TO THE DINING-ROOM. 
 
 The host and hostess should arrange beforehand 
 between themselves the proper order in which the 
 guests are to proceed to the dining-room, so that 
 there shall be no hesitation or misunderstanding at 
 the time. 
 
 It being indicated to each gentleman what lady 
 he is expected to escort to the dining-room, the host 
 offers his arm to the most distinguished lady present, 
 or the one whose age or rank entitles her to prece- 
 dence, and leads the way. The guests follow, and 
 last of all comes the hostess with the most distin- 
 guished gentleman or greatest stranger present. 
 
 ARRANGEMENT AT THE DINING-TABLE. 
 
 The hostess seats herself at the head of the table, 
 her escort upon her right and another gentleman 
 
68 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 upon her left. The host sits opposite her, with the 
 lady whom he has escorted at his right and another 
 lady upon his left. The rest of the company are 
 disposed a lady and gentleman alternately. 
 
 The guests should not seat themselves until the 
 host or hostess has indicated to them their proper 
 seats, and gentlemen should stand until all ladies 
 are seated. 
 
 DINNER A LA RUSSE. 
 
 The latest and most satisfactory plan for serving 
 dinners is the dinner a la Russe, in which all the food 
 is placed upon a side table and servants do the 
 carving. This style gives an opportunity for more 
 profuse ornamentation of the table, which as the 
 meal progresses does not become encumbered with 
 partially empty dishes and platters holding half- 
 denuded bones. 
 
 GLOVES AND NAPKIN. 
 
 The gloves must be removed from the hands and 
 the napkin partially unfolded and laid across the lap. 
 
 SOUP. 
 
 Soup is the first course. All should accept it even 
 if they let it remain untouched, because it is better 
 to make a pretence of eating until the next course is 
 served than to sit waiting or compel the servants to 
 serve one before the rest. 
 
 Soup should be eaten with the side of the spoon, 
 
DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 69 
 
 not from the point, and there should be no noise of 
 sipping while eating it. It should not be called for 
 a second time. 
 
 FISH. 
 
 Fish follows soup, and must be eaten with a fork 
 unless fish-knives are provided. Put the sauce, when 
 it is handed you, on the side of your plate. 
 
 Fish may be declined, but must not be called for a 
 second time. 
 
 GENERAL RULES REGARDING DINNER. 
 
 After soup and fish come the side-dishes, which 
 must be eaten with a fork only, though the knife 
 may be used in cutting anything too hard for a 
 fork. 
 
 If you do not desire a dish offered to you, simply 
 refuse it ; do not add that you do not care for it or 
 it does not agree with you. The host and hostess, 
 on the other hand, should not press a guest to take 
 some proffered dish which he has refused. Neither 
 should they make any remarks either in praise of or 
 apology for the viands they have prepared. 
 
 Never apologize to a waiter for requiring him to 
 wait upon you ; that is his business. Neither re- 
 prove him for negligence or improper conduct; 
 that is the business of the host. 
 
 When a dish is offered you, accept or refuse, and 
 leave the waiter to pass it on. A gentleman will see 
 that the lady whom he has escorted to the table is 
 
?O OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 helped to all she wishes, but it is officiousness to offer 
 to help any other lady. 
 
 If it is an informal dinner, and the guests pass the 
 dishes to one another instead of waiting to be helped 
 by a servant, you should always help yourself from 
 the dish, if you desire to do so at all, before passing 
 it on to the next. 
 
 A guest should never find fault with the dinner or 
 with any part of it. 
 
 When you are helped, begin to eat without wait- 
 ing for others to be served. 
 
 A knife should never, on any account, be" put into 
 the mouth. Many even well-bred people in othei 
 particulars think this an unnecessary regulation ; 
 but when we consider that it is a rule of etiquette, 
 and that its violation causes surprise and disgust to 
 many people, it is wisest to observe it. 
 
 As an illustration of this point, I will quote from 
 a letter from the late Wm. M. Thackeray, addressed 
 to a gentleman in Philadelphia : " The European con- 
 tinent swarms with your people. They are not all 
 as polished as Chesterfield. I wish some of them 
 spoke French a little better. I saw five of them at 
 supper at Basle the other night with their knives down 
 their throats. It was awful ! My daughter saw it, and 
 I was obliged to say, ' My dear, your great-great- 
 grandmother, one of the finest ladies of the old 
 school I ever saw, always applied cold steel to her 
 wittles. It's no crime to eat with a knife/ which is all 
 very well; but I wish five of 'em at a time wouldn't." 
 
DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 7 1 
 
 Never take up a piece of asparagus or the bones 
 of fowl or bird with your fingers to suck them, pos- 
 sibly making the remark that " fingers were made 
 before forks." These things should always be cut 
 with a knife and eaten with a fork. If fingers were 
 made before forks, so were wooden trenchers before 
 the modern dinner service. Yet it would rather 
 startle these advocates of priority to be invited to 
 a dinner-party where the dining-table was set with a 
 wooden trencher in the centre, into which all the 
 guests were expected to dip with their fingers. 
 
 Bread should be broken, not bitten. This is, of 
 course, taken with the fingers. 
 
 Be careful to remove the bones from fish before 
 eating it. If a bone gets inadvertently into the 
 mouth, the lips must be covered with the napkin in 
 removing it. 
 
 Cherry-stones should be removed from the mouth 
 as unobtrusively as possible and deposited on the 
 side of the plate. A good way is to watch how oth- 
 ers are doing and follow their example. A better 
 way still is for the hostess to have her cherries stoned 
 before they are made into pies and puddings, and 
 thus save her guests this dilemma. 
 
 WATCHING HOW OTHERS DO. 
 
 Speaking of watching how others are doing, and 
 following their example, reminds us of an anecdote 
 told us not long since by the lady who played the 
 principal part in it. 
 
?2 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 She was visiting at the house of a friend, and one 
 day there was upon the dinner-table some sweet corn 
 cooked on the ear. Not knowing exactly how to 
 manage it so as not to give offence, she concluded to 
 observe how the others did. Presently two of the 
 members of the family took up their ears of corn in 
 their fingers and ate the grain directly from the cob. 
 So Miss Mary thought she might venture to eat hers 
 in the same manner. Scarcely had she begun, how- 
 ever, when her hostess turned to her little boy and 
 said, " I am going to let you eat your corn just like 
 a little pig to-day." 
 
 " How is that, mamma ?" questioned the boy. 
 
 " Look at Miss Mary," was the reply. " I am 
 going to let you eat it just as Miss Mary is eating 
 hers." 
 
 The mixed state of Miss Mary's feelings can be 
 better imagined than described. 
 
 Never use a napkin in the place of a handkerchief 
 by wiping the forehead or blowing the nose with it. 
 
 Do not scrape your plate or tilt it to get the last 
 drop of anything it may contain, or wipe it out with 
 a piece of bread. 
 
 Pastry should be eaten with a fork. Everything 
 that can be cut without a knife should be cut with a 
 fork alone. 
 
 Eat slowly. 
 
 Pudding may be eaten with a fork or spoon. Ice 
 requires a spoon. 
 
 Cheese must be eaten with a fork. 
 
DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 73 
 
 Talk in a low tone to your next neighbor, but not 
 in so low a tone but that your remarks may become 
 general. Never speak with the mouth full. 
 
 Never lay your hand or play with your fingers 
 upon the table. Neither toy with your knife, fork or 
 spoon, make pills of your bread nor draw imaginary 
 lines upon the table-cloth. 
 
 Never bite fruit. An apple, pear or peach should 
 be peeled with a silver knife, and all fruit should be 
 broken or cut. 
 
 RETIRING FROM THE TABLE. 
 
 We are glad to say that the English habit of gen- 
 tlemen remaining at the table, after the ladies have 
 retired, to indulge in wine, coarse conversation and 
 obscene jokes, has never been received into popular 
 favor in this country. The very words " after-dinner 
 jokes " suggest something indecent. We take our 
 manners from Paris instead of London, and ladies 
 and gentlemen retire together from the dining-table, 
 instead of the one sex remaining to pander to their 
 baser appetites, and the other departing with all their 
 delicate sentiments in a state of outrage if they pause 
 to think of the cause of their dismissal. 
 
 After retiring to the drawing-room the guests 
 should intermingle in a social manner, and the time 
 until the hour of taking leave may be spent either in 
 conversation or in various entertaining games. It is 
 expected the guests will remain two or three hours 
 after the dinner. 
 
74 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 During the week following a dinner-party each 
 guest must call upon the hostess. 
 
 GIVING A BALL. 
 
 If you cannot afford to give a ball in good style, 
 you had better not attempt it at all. 
 
 Having made up your mind to give a ball and to 
 do justice to the occasion, and having settled upon 
 the time, the next thing is to decide whom and how 
 many to invite. In deciding upon the number a due 
 regard must be paid to the size of the rooms ; and 
 after making allowance for a reasonable number who 
 may not accept the invitation, there should be no 
 more invited than can find comfortable accommoda- 
 tions, both sitting- and standing-room being taken 
 into account, and at the same time have the floor 
 properly free for dancing. The more guests you 
 have the more brilliant, and the fewer you have the 
 more enjoyable, will the occasion be. 
 
 One-third more may be invited than the rooms will 
 comfortably hold, and the invitations should be sent 
 out three weeks in advance. 
 
 Any number over a hundred guests constitutes a 
 " large ball ;" under fifty it is merely a " dance." 
 
 CHOICE OF GUESTS. 
 
 As dancing is the amusement of the evening, due 
 regard should be paid to the dancing qualifications 
 of the proposed guests. Although it is not necessary 
 
DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. ?$ 
 
 that all who are invited should dance, yet it will not 
 do to have too many to act the part of wall-flowers. 
 One should be scrupulous and not wound the prej- 
 udices of a friend by sending her an invitation to a 
 ball when it is well known she is conscientiously 
 opposed to dancing. 
 
 REQUISITES FOR SUCCESS IN BALL-GIVING. 
 
 The requisites for perfect success in giving a ball 
 are good ventilation, a good dancing-floor, good 
 music, a good supper and good dancers. 
 
 FLOWERS IN A BALL-ROOM. 
 
 In this country it is customary to decorate the 
 house most elaborately with flowers. Although this 
 is exceedingly expensive, it adds much to the success 
 of the entertainment, rendering the rooms beautiful 
 beyond description. 
 
 INVITATIONS. 
 
 Invitations to a ball should be given in the lady's 
 name. An invitation needs no reply unless it is 
 refused. 
 
 NECESSARY PREPARATIONS FOR A BALL. 
 
 There should be dressing-rooms for ladies and 
 gentlemen, each' supplied with a servant or servants. 
 There should be cards with the names of the in- 
 vited guests upon them, or checks with duplicates 
 
7 6 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 to be given to the guests, ready to pin upon the 
 wraps of each one. 
 
 Each dressing-room should be supplied with a 
 complete set of toilet articles. 
 
 TIME FOR ARRIVAL AT A BALL. 
 
 Guests may arrive at a ball at any time between 
 the hours of nine and twelve. They should avoid 
 going too early. 
 
 RECEIVING GUESTS AT A BALL. 
 
 The lady of the house should stand near the 
 door of the drawing-room and receive her guests 
 as they enter. The latter should go directly to her 
 and pay her their respects before they recognize 
 any one else. 
 
 A young lady should not enter the room alone. 
 She should be attended by a married lady, a brother 
 or other gentleman. 
 
 DUTIES OF AN ESCORT. 
 
 The lady's escort should call for her and accom- 
 pany her to the place of entertainment ; go with her 
 as far as the dressing-room door, and after visiting 
 the gentlemen's dressing-room return to meet her 
 there when she is prepared to go to the ball-room; 
 enter the latter room with her and lead her to the 
 hostess; dance the first dance with her; conduct 
 her to the supper-room, and be ready to accom- 
 pany her home whenever she gives the signal. He 
 
DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. 77 
 
 should watch during the evening to see that she is 
 supplied with dancing partners. 
 
 BALL TABLETS. 
 
 Each guest should be supplied with a tablet con- 
 taining a printed programme of the dances, with 
 space for written engagements upon it, and a pencil 
 attached. 
 
 THE BALL SUPPER. 
 
 The supper-room is thrown open at midnight, 
 and remains open until the ball closes. It is the 
 duty of the hostess to see that everybody is prop- 
 erly attended to the supper-room. 
 
 If any young lady is without proper escort, and 
 so in danger of losing her supper, the hostess should 
 request some gentleman present to go to the rescue 
 and conduct her to the supper-room. 
 
 Gentlemen will evince their good breeding by 
 conducting ladies and attending to their wants, in- 
 stead of rushing in alone and making groups by 
 themselves. 
 
 REFRESHMENTS. 
 
 No refreshments should be handed around a ball- 
 room. If it is desirable to have refreshments served 
 before supper, let there be a separate refreshment- 
 room, where tea, lemonade, cakes and such lighter 
 refreshments may be obtained at any time. 
 
 In the supper-room more substantial viands should 
 be found, but everything must be carved beforehand 
 
7 8 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 ENGAGING PARTNERS. 
 
 Gentlemen should engage their partners for the 
 approaching dance before the music strikes up. 
 
 REFUSING TO DANCE. 
 
 In a private ball a lady cannot well refuse to 
 dance with any gentleman who invites her unless 
 she has a previous engagement. 
 
 If a lady declines to dance from weariness, the 
 gentleman will show her a compliment by abstaining 
 from dancing himself and remaining beside her while 
 the dance progresses. 
 
 WALL-FLOWERS. 
 
 A gentleman of genuine politeness will not give 
 all his time and attention to the belles of the evening, 
 but will at least devote a little thought to the wall- 
 flowers who sit forlorn and unattended, and who, but 
 for him, might have no opportunity to dance. These 
 wall-flowers should be the especial care of the host- 
 ess also, and she should draft the young men to do 
 duty in their behalf, and they cannot in politeness 
 refuse her. 
 
 INTRODUCTIONS AT BALLS. 
 
 The right of introducing rests mainly with the 
 ladies and gentlemen of the house, though a chape- 
 ron may introduce a gentleman to her charge, or a 
 gentleman may, with her permission, provide the lady 
 whom he has escorted with partners. 
 
DINNER-PARTIES AND BALLS. ?g 
 
 A ball-room acquaintance does not extend beyond 
 the evening in which it is formed. 
 
 A gentleman should not ask a lady to dance too 
 frequently with him, as he may be excluding others 
 from the same pleasure. 
 
 CONCLUSION OF THE DANCE. 
 
 At the end of the dance the gentleman offers his 
 right arm to his partner and walks through the 
 room. He will ask her if she desires refreshments ; 
 and if she assents, he will take her to the refreshment- 
 room and see her properly served. The lady must 
 not in this case linger many minutes in the refresh- 
 ment-room, as she may be preventing her partner 
 from fulfilling an engagement with some one else. 
 
 If the lady declines refreshments, the gentleman 
 must conduct her to a seat and thank her for the 
 pleasure the dance has afforded him. 
 
 GENERAL RULES FOR A BALL-ROOM. 
 
 A lady will not cross a ball-room unattended. 
 
 A gentleman will not take a vacant seat next a 
 lady who is a stranger to him. If she is an acquaint- 
 ance, he may do so with her permission. 
 
 White kid gloves should be worn at a ball, and 
 only be taken off at supper-time. 
 
 In dancing quadrilles do not make any attempt to 
 take steps. A quiet walk is all that is required. 
 
 Do not attempt a dance with which you are not 
 
8O OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 familiar, as you by your ignorance and awkwardness 
 may disarrange the whole set. 
 
 Husbands and wives should not dance together at 
 a ball unless the entire quadrille is composed of 
 married partners. 
 
 RETIRING FROM THE BALL. 
 
 It is better to retire early rather than late from a 
 bait. Make your adieux quietly to the hostess ; or 
 if she is not conveniently found, depart without bid- 
 ding her good-evening rather than attract attention 
 to your departure. 
 
 When a gentleman escorts a lady home from a 
 ball, she should not invite him to enter the house; 
 and even if she does so, he should by all means de- 
 cline the invitation. He should call upon her during 
 the next day or evening. 
 
 The rules laid down here all apply to the private 
 ball, though the same will hold good at a public one, 
 with this proviso that you go with a group of your 
 own acquaintances and dance and converse only with 
 them during the evening. 
 
CHAPTER VII. 
 
 ETIQUETTE OF THE STREET. 
 
 THERE is no place where a man and woman 
 will so truly display their breeding as in the 
 streets, in public conveyances and in traveling gen- 
 erally. That is a gentleman indeed who is always, 
 in all times and places and under all circumstances, 
 kindly and courteous to all he meets, regardful not 
 only of the rights but of the wishes and feelings of 
 others, deferential to women and to elderly men, and 
 helpful to those who need his help. 
 
 That is the true lady who walks the streets 
 wrapped in a mantle of proper reserve so impenetra- 
 ble that insult and coarse familiarity shrink away 
 from her, yet who carries with her a congenial at- 
 mosphere which attracts all and puts all at their 
 ease. 
 
 THE PROTECTION OF SEX. 
 
 In continental Europe a lady may not venture 
 into the streets unattended. Here it is different; 
 and though some would declare it otherwise, it is 
 certainly true that a well-behaved lady may walk 
 alone free from molestation anywhere and every- 
 
 6 81 
 
82 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 where and at almost any time. Even in the worst 
 localities, if women only knew it, they are less 
 liable to molestation than men. 
 
 A friend of ours who had traveled much told us 
 that, having a great desire to see some of the worst 
 places of London at midnight, he and a friend took 
 with them two ladies for protection, and passed 
 safely through crowds of roughs who, had they been 
 alone, would not have permitted them to escape with 
 whole coats and pocketbooks intact. As it was, the 
 worst street-assemblage divided respectfully at sight 
 of the ladies to let them pass. 
 
 A modest, dignified womanhood is, in truth, its 
 own best protection in this country, where all men are 
 trained to gentlemanliness, although conventionality 
 requires on many occasions the attendance of a male 
 escort. This is a fragment of foreign customs, 
 though the rule has relaxed greatly. In the streets 
 of Paris no woman alone and unprotected is safe 
 from insult. 
 
 TIMES WHEN ESCORT is REQUIRED. 
 
 Though a woman may walk abroad safely by day- 
 light, and even travel alone with perfect impunity 
 from New York to San Francisco, etiquette requires 
 that she shall not go out in the evening unattended. 
 If she is visiting at a friend's house and has no 
 proper escort to see her safely home, her friend 
 should send a servant with her or request some 
 
ETIQUETTE OF THE STREET. 83 
 
 proper person a gentleman acquaintance present or 
 her own husband to perform the duty. If the hus- 
 band volunteers the office, the lady should apologize 
 for putting him to the trouble, at the same time ac- 
 cepting his services. It is better, however, to avoid 
 putting others to unnecessary trouble, and at the 
 same time prevent any gossip or petty scandal which 
 arises in small towns, for the lady to secure a servant 
 or friend to call for her at the proper time. 
 
 A married lady is not bound strictly by these 
 rules, but may use her own discretion. 
 
 RECOGNIZING ACQUAINTANCES UPON THE STREET. 
 
 Strict etiquette requires that a lady meeting upon 
 the street a gentleman with whom she has acquaint- 
 ance shall give the first bow of recognition. In this 
 countiy, however, good sense does not insist upon 
 an imperative following of this rule. A well-bred 
 man bows and raises his hat to every lady of his 
 acquaintance whom he meets, without waiting for 
 her to take the initiative. If she is well-bred, she 
 will certainly respond to his salutation. As polite- 
 ness requires that each salute the other, their saluta- 
 tions will thus be simultaneous. 
 
 One should always recognize acquaintances upon 
 the street, either by bowing or words of greeting, a 
 gentleman lifting his hat. It is not obligatory to 
 shake hands. Shaking hands is not forbidden, but; 
 in most cases it is to be avoided in public. 
 
 If two friends stop to talk, they should remove to 
 
#4 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 one side of the walk, so as not to obstruct the path- 
 way. 
 
 If a gentleman meets a friend, and the latter has a 
 stranger with him, all three should bow. If the gen- 
 tleman stops his friend to speak to him, he should 
 apologize to the stranger for detaining him. If the 
 stranger is a lady, the same deference should be 
 shown as if she were an acquaintance. 
 
 Never hesitate in acts of politeness for fear they 
 will not be recognized and returned. One cannot 
 be too polite so long as he conforms to rules, 
 while it is easy to lack politeness by neglect of 
 them. Besides, if courtesy is met by neglect or 
 rebuff, it is not for the courteous person to feel 
 mortification, but the boorish one. And so all 
 lookers-on will regard the matter. 
 
 In meeting a lady it is optional with her whether 
 she shall pause to speak. If the gentleman has 
 anything to say to her, he should not stop her, but 
 turn around and walk in her company until he has 
 said what he has to say, when he may leave hei 
 with a bow and lift of the hat. 
 
 LADY AND GENTLEMAN WALKING TOGETHER. 
 
 A gentleman walking with a lady may take either 
 side of the pavement. It is not necessary to change 
 sides as often as the street is crossed, that the lady 
 may always have the inner side, as this is often 
 awkward and inconvenient. If, however, the thor- 
 
ETIQUETTE OF THE STREET. 8$ 
 
 oughfare is a crowded or dangerous one, the gen- 
 tleman must keep the lady on that side of him 
 where she will be the least exposed to crowding or 
 danger. 
 
 A gentleman should, in the evening or whenever 
 or wherever her safety, comfort or convenience seems 
 to dictate it, offer the lady his arm. At other times 
 it is not customary to do so unless the parties be 
 husband and wife or engaged. Even in the latter 
 case, if the arm is offered and accepted, the couple 
 may be assured that they lay themselves open to 
 remarks from trifling and gossiping persons. 
 
 KEEPING STEP. 
 
 In walking together, especially when arm in arm, 
 it is desirable that the two keep step. To do this 
 a compromise may be necessary between the long, 
 measured strides of the gentleman and the short, 
 quick steps of the lady. Ladies should be strongly 
 impressed with the advisability of suiting their pace, 
 as far as practicable, with that of their escort. It is 
 easily done. 
 
 OPENING THE DOOR FOR A LADY. 
 
 A gentleman should always hold open the door 
 for a lady to enter first. This is obligatory, not only 
 in the case of the lady who is with him, but also in 
 that of any strange lady who chances to be about to 
 enter at the same time. 
 
86 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 UP AND DOWN STAIRS. 
 
 A gentleman will always precede a lady up a flight 
 of stairs, and allow her to precede him in going down. 
 
 ANSWERING QUESTIONS. 
 
 A gentleman will reply courteously to any ques- 
 tions which a lady may address to him upon the 
 street, at the same time lifting his hat, or at least 
 touching it respectfully. 
 
 SMOKING UPON THE STREETS. 
 
 In England a well-bred man never smokes upon 
 the streets. Are we obliged to say that the rule 
 does not hold good in this country, or shall we 
 repeat it with an emphasis upon the well-bred? At 
 all events, no gentleman will ever insult a lady by 
 smoking in the streets in her company, and in meet- 
 ing and saluting a lady he will always remove his 
 cigar from his mouth. 
 
 OFFENSIVE BEHAVIOR. 
 
 No gentleman is ever guilty of the offence of 
 standing on street corners and the steps of hotels 
 or other public places and boldly scrutinizing every 
 lady who passes. 
 
 CARRYING PACKAGES. 
 
 A gentleman will never permit a lady with whom 
 he is walking to carry a package of any kind, but 
 
ETIQUETTE OF THE STREET. 8? 
 
 will insist upon relieving her of it. He may even 
 accost a lady whom he sees overburdened and offer 
 his assistance if their ways lie in the same direction. 
 
 CARRIAGE OF A LADY IN PUBLIC. 
 
 A lady walks quietly through the streets, seeing 
 and hearing nothing that she ought not to see and 
 hear, recognizing acquaintances with a courteous 
 bow and friends with words of greeting. She is 
 always unobtrusive. She never talks loudly or 
 laughs boisterously, or does anything to attract the 
 attention of the passers by. She simply goes about 
 her business in her own quiet, ladylike way, and by 
 her preoccupation is secure from all the annoyance 
 to which a person of Jess perfect breeding might be 
 subjected. 
 
 FORMING ACQUAINTANCES IN PUBLIC. 
 
 A lady, be she young or old, never forms an 
 acquaintance upon the streets or seeks to attract the 
 attention or admiration of persons of the other sex. 
 To do so would render false her claims to ladyhood, 
 if it did not make her liable to far graver charges. 
 
 DEMANDING ATTENTIONS. 
 
 A lady never demands attentions and favors from 
 a gentleman, but always accepts them gratefully and 
 graciously and with expressed thanks. 
 
CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 ETIQUETTE OF TRAVELING, DRIVING AND 
 RIDING. 
 
 A LADY used to traveling, if she pays a proper 
 observance to the rules of behavior, may 
 travel alone anywhere in the United States with 
 perfect safety and propriety. 
 
 But there are many ladies to whom all the ways 
 of travel are strange and unknown, and to such an 
 escort is very acceptable. 
 
 DUTIES OF AN ESCORT IN TRAVELING. 
 
 When a gentleman has a lady put in his charge 
 for a journey, he should appear at the station some 
 minutes before the approach of the train in order to 
 give himself time to procure her ticket and see her 
 baggage properly checked. 
 
 The lady may either hand her purse to her attend- 
 ant, out of which all needful expenses will be paid, 
 she may give him a sum of money ample for these 
 expenses, she may, before purchasing tickets, furnish 
 him with the exact amount required, or she may 
 allow him to defray the expenses of the journey out 
 of his own purse and have a settlement with him 
 afterward. 
 
TRAVELING, DRIVING AND RIDING. 89 
 
 When the train arrives, he should attend her to 
 the car and secure the best possible seat for her. He 
 should give her the choice of taking the outside or 
 window seat, should stow away her packages in the 
 proper receptacle, and then do all he can to make 
 her journey a pleasant one. 
 
 Arrived at their destination, he should see her 
 safely in car or carriage, or at least conduct her to 
 the ladies' room of the station, before he goes to see 
 about the baggage. He should attend her to the 
 door or deliver her into the charge of friends before 
 he relaxes his care. He should call upon her the 
 following day to see how she has withstood the fa- 
 tigues of her journey. It is optional with her at 
 this time whether she will receive him, and thus pro- 
 long the acquaintance, or not. However, it is 
 scarcely supposed that a lady of really good breed- 
 ing would refuse further recognition to one from 
 whom she had accepted such services. If the gen- 
 tleman is really unworthy of her regard, it would 
 have been in better taste to have recognized the 
 fact at first by declining his escort. 
 
 A LADY'S DUTY TO THE ESCORT. 
 
 A lady may thoughtlessly or willfully make this 
 escort duty very serious and onerous. She may be 
 excedingly troublesome, nervous and fidgety. She 
 may provide herself with numerous packages and 
 give her attendant infinite trouble in looking after 
 them. She may weary him with needless questions 
 
90 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 and disgust him with senseless fears. His veiy 
 gentlemanliness and complacency may but encour- 
 age her selfishness and cause her to demand of him 
 services which a true lady would always accept 
 deprecatingly and with thanks. 
 
 But no well-bred lady will do all this. Such a 
 one will reduce her hand-baggage to the minimum, 
 to begin with. When this baggage is once disposed 
 of, she will allow it to remain undisturbed, except 
 for important reasons, until she prepares to leave the 
 car. She will, as she nears her journey's end, delib- 
 erately gather her effects and prepare for departure, 
 so that at the last moment there may be no scram- 
 blings, delays or overlooked packages. 
 
 A LADY TRAVELING ALONE. 
 
 A lady, in traveling alone, may accept services 
 from her fellow-travelers, which she should always 
 acknowledge graciously. Indeed, it is the business 
 of a gentleman to see that the wants of an unescorted 
 lady are attended to. He should offer to raise or 
 lower her window if she seems to have any difficulty 
 in doing it for herself. He may offer his assistance 
 in carrying her packages upon leaving the car, or in 
 engaging a carriage or obtaining a trunk. 
 
 Still, women should learn to be as self-reliant as 
 possible ; and young women particularly should ac- 
 cept proffered assistance from strangers, in all but 
 the slightest offices, very rarely, 
 
TRAVELING, DRIVING AND RIDING. 9! 
 
 OCCUPYING TOO MANY SEATS. 
 
 No lady of genuine breeding will retain posses- 
 sion of more than her rightful seat in a crowded 
 car. When others are looking for accommodations, 
 she should at once and with all cheerfulness so dis- 
 pose of her baggage that the seat beside her will 
 be at liberty for any one who desires it, no mat- 
 ter how agreeable it might be to retain possession 
 of it. 
 
 There is no truer sign of want of proper man- 
 ners than to see two ladies turn over the seat in 
 front of them and fill it with their wraps and bun- 
 dles, retaining it in spite of the entreating or re- 
 monstrating looks of fellow-passengers. In such a 
 case as this any person who needs a seat is jus- 
 tified in reversing the back, removing the baggage 
 and taking possession of the unused place. 
 
 RETAINING POSSESSION OF A SEAT. 
 
 A gentleman in traveling may take possession of 
 a seat and then go to purchase tickets or look after 
 baggage, leaving the seat in charge of a companion 
 or depositing traveling-bag or overcoat upon it to 
 show that it is engaged. A gentleman cannot, 
 however, in justice, vacate his seat to take another 
 in the smoking-car and at the same time reserve 
 his rights to the first seat. He pays for but one 
 seat, and by taking another he forfeits the first. 
 
 It is not required of a gentleman in a railway 
 
92 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 car to relinquish his seat in favor of a lady, though 
 a gentleman of genuine breeding will do so rather 
 than allow the lady to stand or to suffer inconve- 
 nience from poor accommodations. 
 
 ETIQUETTE OF STREET CARS. 
 
 In the street cars the case is different. No 
 woman should be permitted to stand while there is 
 a seat occupied by a man. The inconvenience to 
 the man will be temporary and trifling at the most, 
 and he can well afford to suffer it rather than do 
 an uncourteous act 
 
 ETIQUETTE OF FERRY-BOATS. 
 
 There is a place where the good manners of men 
 seem sometimes to forsake them in the ladies' 
 saloon of ferry-boats. The men reign paramount 
 in their own saloon. No woman dares intrude 
 there, still less deprive its rightful occupants of 
 their seats. Yet many men, without even the ex- 
 cuse of being escorts for women, preferring the 
 purer natural and moral atmosphere of the ladies' 
 saloon, take possession and seat themselves, not- 
 withstanding women have to stand in consequence. 
 This is not a matter of politeness alone ; it is one 
 of simple justice. The ladies' saloon is for the ac- 
 commodation of ladies, and no gentleman has the 
 right to occupy a seat so long as a lady is unpro- 
 vided. The seats in street cars are surrendered to 
 
TRAVELING, DRIVING AND RIDING. 93 
 
 the ladies through courtesy ; they take them in their 
 own saloon on the ferry-boat as their right. 
 
 SMOKING IN THE PRESENCE OF WOMEN. 
 
 No man has any right to smoke in a public place 
 where there is any woman present. It is not suf- 
 ficient to ask her if she objects to smoking. Ten 
 to one she will answer falsely rather than seem 
 selfish or impolite. 
 
 Even in the society of men exclusively he is not 
 justified in smoking until he has asked each one in- 
 dividually if he objects. If but a single person con- 
 fesses to disliking it, he should put up his cigar-case. 
 
 CHECKING FAMILIARITY. 
 
 It is impossible to dwell too strongly upon the 
 importance of reserve and discretion on the part of 
 ladies traveling alone. They may, as has been al- 
 ready said, accept slight services courteously proffered 
 by strangers, but any attempt at familiarity must be 
 checked, and this with all the less hesitation that no 
 gentleman will be guilty of such familiarity ; and a 
 lady wants only gentlemen for her acquaintances. 
 
 Once, when traveling from Pittsburg to Cleveland, 
 there were upon the same train with ourselves a 
 young lady and gentleman who were soon the ob- 
 served of all observers. He was a commercial 
 traveler of some sort, and she probably just from 
 boarding-school. They were total strangers to each 
 other as they both entered the car at Pittsburg, 
 
94 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 though both had come from Philadelphia. The ac- 
 quaintance began soon after leaving Pittsburg. By 
 the time Wellsville was reached he had taken his 
 seat beside her. At Alliance the personal history 
 of each was known to the other. The gentleman 
 here invited the lady to supper and paid her bill. 
 Shortly afterward photographs were exchanged, 
 they had written confidentially in each other's note- 
 books, and had promised to correspond. All this 
 passed between them in tones so loud and with 
 actions so obtrusive that they attracted the notice 
 of every one in the car, and many were the com- 
 ments upon them. As daylight waned she sunk 
 upon his shoulder to sleep, while he threw his arm 
 around her to support her. If they had announced 
 their engagement at Hudson, and inquired for a 
 clergyman upon the train to marry them upon their 
 arrival at Cleveland, no one would have been really 
 surprised. She was a foolish girl, yet ofd enough 
 to have known better. He must have been a villain 
 thus to take advantage of her silliness. 
 
 Still, if the journey is long, and especially if it be 
 by steamboat, a certain sociability is in order, and a 
 married lady or lady of middle age should make 
 good use of her privileges in this respect. 
 
 DUTY OF LADIES TO OTHER LADIES IN TRAVELING. 
 
 It is especially the duty of ladies to look after 
 other ladies younger or less experienced than them- 
 selves who may be traveling without escort. To 
 
TRAVELING, DRIVING AND RIDING. 95 
 
 watch these and see that they are not made the 
 dupes of villains, and to pass a pleasant word with 
 others who may possibly feel the loneliness of their 
 situation, should be the especial charge of every lady 
 of experience. Such a one may often have the 
 privilege of rendering another lady an important 
 service in giving her information or advice, or even 
 assistance. Every lady of experience and self-pos- 
 session should feel her duties to be only less than 
 those of a gentleman in showing favors to the more 
 helpless and less experienced of her own sex. 
 
 TRAVELING ACQUAINTANCES. 
 
 An acquaintance of either sex formed in traveling 
 need never be retained afterward, though sometimes 
 valuable and valued friends are thus secured. 
 
 CONSULTING THE COMFORT OF OTHERS. 
 
 No one has a right to keep open a window in 
 a car or boat to the detriment of another. If the 
 weather is cool and the windows are closed, before 
 venturing to raise one the permission of all those 
 whom the keen air might reach should first be 
 asked. There are many discomforts in traveling, and 
 they should be borne cheerfully with the reflection 
 that what might relieve your simple discomfort may 
 seriously endanger the health of another. 
 
 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC TABLES. 
 On board steamers and in hotels no gentleman 
 
96 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 will be guilty of rushing to the table, helping him- 
 self selfishly to what he wants and eating raven- 
 ously. Even though all others are guilty of these 
 things, the man who abstains gives an evidence of 
 his superior breeding. 
 
 ATTENDING TO THE WANTS OF OTHERS. 
 
 See everywhere and at all times that ladies and 
 elderly people have their wants supplied before you 
 think of your own. Nor is there need for unmanly 
 haste and pushing in entering or leaving cars or 
 boats. There is always time enough allowed for 
 each passenger to enter in a gentlemanly manner 
 and with a due regard to the rights of others. 
 
 If, in riding in the street cars or crossing a ferry, 
 your friend insists upon paying for you, permit him 
 to do so without serious remonstrance. You can 
 
 return the favor at some other time. 
 
 . 
 
 READING WHEN TRAVELING. 
 
 If a gentleman in traveling has provided himself 
 with newspapers or other reading, he should offer 
 them to his companions first. If they are refused, he 
 may with propriety read himself, leaving the others 
 free to do the like if they wish. 
 
 SELFISHNESS OF LADIES. 
 
 Ladies in traveling should scrupulously avoid 
 monopolizing, to the exclusion of others, whatever 
 conveniences are provided for their use. Mr. Pull- 
 
TRAVELING, DRIVING AND RIDING. 97 
 
 man, the inventor of the palace car, was asked why 
 there were not locks or bolts upon the ladies' dress- 
 ing-rooms. He replied that " if these were furnished, 
 but two or three ladies in a sleeping-car would be 
 able to avail themselves of the conveniences, for 
 these would lock themselves in and perform their 
 toilettes at their leisure." It spunds like satire upon 
 American ladyhood, but we fear it is true. 
 
 SEAT OF HONOR IN A CARRIAGE. 
 In driving the choicest seat is the one facing the 
 horses. Gentlemen should always yield this to the 
 ladies ; and if there are but one gentleman and one 
 lady in the carriage, the gentleman must sit down 
 opposite the lady unless she invite him to the seat 
 by her side. The place of honor is on the right 
 hand of the seat facing the horses. This is also the 
 seat of the hostess, and she is never expected to 
 resign it. If she is not driving, it must be offered to 
 the most distinguished lady. 
 
 ENTERING A CARRIAGE. 
 
 In entering a carriage one should so enter that 
 the back is toward the seat intended to be occupied, 
 so that there will be no need of turning round. A 
 gentleman must be careful not to trample upon or 
 crush ladies' dresses. 
 
 ASSISTING LADIES TO ALIGHT. 
 A gentleman must first alight from a carriage, 
 even if he has to pass before a lady in so doing. He 
 
98 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 must then assist the ladies to alight. If there is a 
 servant with the carriage, the latter may hold open 
 the door,. but the gentleman must by all means fur- 
 nish the ladies the required assistance. 
 
 It is quite an art to descend from a carriage prop- 
 erly. More attention is paid to this matter in Eng- 
 land than in America. We are told an anecdote by 
 M. Mercy d'Argenteau illustrative of the importance 
 of this. He says : " The princess of Hesse-Darm- 
 stadt, having been desired by the empress of Austria 
 to bring her three daughters to court in order that 
 Her Imperial Majesty might choose one of them for a 
 wife to one of her sons, drove up in her coach to the 
 palace gate. Scarcely had they entered her pres- 
 ence when, before even speaking to them, the em- 
 press went up to the second daughter, and taking 
 her by the hand said, 
 
 " ' I choose this young lady.' 
 
 "The mother, astonished at the suddenness of 
 her choice, inquired what had actuated her. 
 
 " ' I watched the young ladies get out of their 
 carriage,' said the empress. ' Your eldest daughter 
 stepped on her dress, and only saved herself from 
 falling by an awkward scramble. The youngest 
 jumped from the coach to the ground without 
 touching the steps. The second, just lifting her 
 dress in front as she descended, so as to show the 
 point of her shoe, calmly stepped from the carriage 
 to the ground, neither hurriedly nor stiffly, but with 
 grace and dignity. She is fit to be an empress. Tbe 
 
TRAVELING, DRIVING AND RIDING. 99 
 
 eldest sister is too awkward, the youngest too 
 wild." 
 
 A gentleman in assisting a lady into a carriage 
 will take care that the skirt of her dress is not al- 
 lowed to hang outside. It is best to have a car- 
 riage-robe to protect it entirely from the mud or 
 dust of the road. He should provide her with her 
 parasol, fan and shawl before he seats himself, and 
 make certain that she is in every way comfortable. 
 
 If a lady has occasion to leave the carriage before 
 the gentleman accompanying her, he must alight to 
 assist her out ; and if she wishes to resume her seat 
 in the carriage, he must again alight to help her to 
 do so. 
 
 ETIQUETTE OF RIDING. 
 
 The etiquette of riding is very exact and im- 
 portant. 
 
 One should not make too prominent an appear- 
 ance on horseback until one is thoroughly master of 
 the situation. There is an old rhyme which gives 
 the art of riding in one lesson : 
 
 " Keep up your head and your heart, 
 
 Your hands and your heels keep down ; 
 Press your knees close to your horse's sides, 
 And your elbows close to your own." 
 
 PREPARATIONS FOR RIDING. 
 
 A gentleman contemplating a ride with a lady 
 should make certain her horse is a proper one for 
 her use if it is one to which she is not accus- 
 
100 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 tomed. He must also see that everything about 
 the saddle and head-gear is in perfect order and 
 secure from accident, and not trust to the careless 
 supervision of grooms or livery-stable men. He is 
 for the time being responsible for her safety. 
 
 ASSISTING LADIES TO MOUNT. 
 
 In riding with a lady it is the gentleman's duty 
 to assist her to mount. The lady will place herself 
 on the near or left side of the horse, standing as 
 close to him as possible, with her skirt gathered in 
 her left hand, her right hand upon the pommel and 
 her face toward the horse's head. The gentleman 
 should stand at the horse's shoulder, facing her, 
 stooping, with his hand held so that she may place 
 her left foot in it. This she does when the foot is 
 lifted as she springs, so as to gently aid her in gain- 
 ing the saddle. The gentleman must then put he* 
 foot in the stirrup and smooth the skirt of hei 
 habit. He is then at liberty to mount himself. 
 
 How close proximity he keeps to her, and if there 
 are two ladies whether he ride between or on one 
 side of them, must depend upon how skilled the 
 ladies are in riding and how much assistance they 
 require of him. 
 
 PACE IN RIDING. 
 
 The lady must always decide upon the pace. It 
 is ungenerous to urge her or incite her horse to a 
 faster gait than she feels competent to undertake. 
 
TRAVELING, DRIVING AND RIDING. IOI 
 
 If a gentleman riding alone meets a lady walking 
 and desires to speak to her, he must alight to do so. 
 
 ASSISTING A LADY TO ALIGHT FROM A HORSE. 
 
 After the ride the gentleman must assist his com- 
 panion to alight. She must first free her knee from 
 the pommel and be certain that her habit is entirely 
 disengaged. He must th^n take her left hand in his 
 right and offer his left hand as a step for her foot. 
 He must lower this hand gently and allow her to 
 reach the ground quietly without springing. A lady 
 should not attempt to spring from the saddle. 
 
 COURTESIES IN RIDING. 
 
 A gentleman should offer all the courtesies of the 
 road, yielding the best and shadiest side of the road 
 to the lady or elderly gentleman with whom he is 
 riding. He must open all gates and pay all tolls. 
 He should ride to the right of his companion, un- 
 less circumstances temporarily favor the other side. 
 
CHAPTER IX. 
 
 ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 
 
 TV T OWHERE as in public places will a man and 
 1 ^1 woman show their true breeding. There the 
 perfect lady and gentleman are always polite, con- 
 siderate of the comfort and wishes of others and 
 unobtrusive in their behavior. Under the same 
 circumstances sham gentility is boisterous, rude, 
 vulgar and selfish. 
 
 CONDUCT IN CHURCH. 
 
 One should preserve the utmost silence and de- 
 corum in church. 
 
 A gentleman should remove his hat as soon as he 
 enters. 
 
 There should be no haste in passing up or down 
 the aisle. 
 
 There should be no whispering, laughing or star- 
 ing. 
 
 A gentleman and lady should pass up the aisle 
 together until the pew is reached, when the former 
 should step before the latter, open the pew door, 
 holding it open while she enters, then follow her and 
 close the door after him. 
 102 
 
ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. 1 03 
 
 If a stranger is seen to enter the church and the 
 sexton does not at once provide him with a seat, the 
 pew door should be opened and the stranger silently 
 invited to enter. 
 
 If books or fans are passed in church, let them be 
 offered and accepted or refused with a silent gesture 
 of acceptance or refusal. 
 
 It is courteous to see that strangers are provided 
 with books ; and if the service is strange to them, the 
 places for the day's reading should be indicated. 
 
 It is perfectly proper to offer to share the prayer 
 or hymn book with a stranger if there is no separate 
 book for his use. 
 
 When the services are concluded, there should be 
 no haste in crowding up the aisle, but the departure 
 should be conducted quietly and decorously. When 
 the vestibule is reached, it is allowable to exchange 
 greetings with friends, but here there should be no 
 loud talking nor boisterous laughter. Neither should 
 gentlemen congregate in knots in the vestibule or 
 upon the steps of the church and compel ladies to 
 run the gauntlet of their eyes and tongues. 
 
 In visiting a church of a different belief from your 
 own, pay the utmost respect to the services and con- 
 form in all things to the observances of the church 
 that is, kneel, sit and rise with the congregation. 
 No matter how grotesquely some of the forms and 
 observances may strike you, let no smile or con- 
 temptuous remark indicate the fact while in the 
 church. 
 
IO4 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 If a Protestant gentleman accompanies a lady who 
 is a Roman Catholic to her own church, it is an act 
 of courtesy to offer the holy water. This he must 
 do with his ungloved right hand. . 
 
 Upon entering a strange church it is best to wait 
 until the sexton conducts you to a seat. By no 
 means enter an occupied pew uninvited. Neither is 
 it proper to enter an unoccupied pew without per- 
 mission. 
 
 Never be late to church. It is a decided mark of 
 ill-breeding. 
 
 In visiting a church for the mere purpose of see- 
 ing the edifice, one should always go at a time when 
 there are no services being held. If people are even 
 then found at their devotions, as is apt to be the case 
 in Roman Catholic churches especially, the demea- 
 nor of the visitor should be respectful and subdued 
 and his voice low, so that he may not disturb them. 
 
 INVITATION TO OPERA OR CONCERT. 
 
 A gentleman upon inviting a lady to accompany 
 him to opera, theatre, concert or other public place 
 of amusement must send his invitation the previous 
 day and write it in the third person. The lady must 
 reply immediately, so that if she declines there 
 shall yet be time for the gentleman to secure another 
 companion. 
 
 It is the gentleman's duty to secure good seat5 for 
 the entertainment, or else he or his conpanion uny 
 
ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. IO5 
 
 be obliged to take up with seats where they can 
 neither see nor hear. 
 
 CONDUCT IN OPERA, THEATRE OR PUBLIC HALL. 
 
 On entering the hall, theatre or opera-house the 
 gentleman should walk side by side with his com- 
 panion unless the aisle is too narrow, in which case 
 he should precede her. Reaching the seats, he 
 should allow her to take the inner one, assuming 
 the outer seat himself. 
 
 A gentleman should on no account leave the 
 lady's side from the beginning to the close of the 
 performance. The custom of going out alone be- 
 tween the acts to visit the refreshment-room cannot 
 be too strongly reprehended. It is little less than 
 an insult to the lady. 
 
 If it is a promenade concert or opera, the lady 
 may be invited to promenade during the intermission. 
 If she decline, the gentleman must retain his posi- 
 tion by her side. 
 
 There is no obligation whatever upon a gentleman 
 to give up his seat to a lady. On the contrary, his 
 duty is solely to the lady whom he accompanies. 
 He must remain beside her during the evening to 
 converse with her between the acts and to render 
 her assistance in case of accident or disturbance. 
 
 During the performance complete quiet should be 
 preserved, that the audience may not be prevented 
 seeing or hearing. Between the acts it is perfectly 
 proper to converse, but it should be in a low tone, 
 
106 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 so as not to attract attention. Neither should one 
 whisper. There should be no loud talking, boisterous 
 laughter, violent gestures, lover-like demonstrations 
 or anything in manners or speech to attract the at- 
 tention of others. 
 
 It is proper and desirable that the actors be 
 applauded when they deserve it. It is their only 
 means of knowing whether they are giving satisfac- 
 tion. 
 
 The gentleman should see that the lady is pro- 
 vided with programme, and with libretto also if they 
 are attending opera. 
 
 In passing out at the close of the performance the 
 gentleman should precede the lady, and there should 
 be no crowding and pushing. 
 
 If the means of the gentleman warrant him in so 
 doing, he should call for his companion in a carriage. 
 This is especially necessary if the evening is stormy. 
 He should call sufficiently early to allow them to 
 reach their destination before the performance com- 
 mences. It is unjust to the whole audience to come 
 in late and make a disturbance in obtaining seats. 
 
 The gentleman should ask permission to call upon 
 the lady on the following day, which permission she 
 should grant ; and if she be a person of delicacy and 
 tact, she will make him feel that he has conferred a 
 real pleasure upon her by his invitation. Even if she 
 finds occasion for criticism in the performance, she 
 should be lenient in this respect and seek for points 
 to praise instead, that he may not feel regret at 
 
ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. IO/ 
 
 taking her to an entertainment which has proved 
 unworthy. 
 
 CONDUCT IN PICTURE-GALLERIES. 
 
 In visiting picture-galleries one should always 
 maintain the deportment of a gentleman or lady. 
 Make no loud comments, and do not seek to show 
 superior knowledge in art matters by gratuitous crit- 
 icism. Ten to one, if you have not an art education, 
 you will only be giving publicity to your own igno- 
 rance. 
 
 Do not stand in conversation before a picture, and 
 thus obstruct the view of others who wish to see 
 rather than talk. If you wish to converse with any 
 one on general subjects, draw to one side out of the 
 way of those who wish to look at the pictures. 
 
 CONDUCT AT FANCY FAIRS. 
 
 In visiting a fancy fair make no comments on 
 either the articles or their price unless you can 
 praise. Do not haggle over them. Pay the price 
 demanded or let them alone. If you can con- 
 scientiously praise an article, by all means do so, as 
 you may be giving pleasure to the maker if she 
 chances to be within hearing. 
 
 If you have a table at a fair, use no unladylike 
 means to obtain buyers. Let a negative suffice. 
 Not even the demands of charity can justify you in 
 importuning others to purchase articles against their 
 own judgment or beyond their means. 
 
108 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 Never be so grossly ill-bred as to retain the 
 change if a larger amount is presented than the 
 price. Offer the change promptly, when the gentle- 
 man will be at liberty to donate it if he thinks best, 
 and you may accept it with thanks. He is, however, 
 under no obligation whatever to make such dona- 
 tion. 
 
 Be guilty of no loud talking or laughing, and 
 by all means avoid conspicuous flirting in so public 
 a place. 
 
 As, according to the general rules of politeness, a 
 gentleman must always remove his hat in the pres- 
 ence of ladies, so he should remain with head un- 
 covered, carrying his hat in his hand, in a public 
 place of this character. 
 
 CONDUCT IN AN ARTIST'S STUDIO. 
 
 Upon visiting an artist's studio, by no means 
 meddle with anything in the room. Reverse no 
 picture which hangs or stands with face to the 
 wall ; open no portfolio without permission, and do 
 not alter by a . single touch any lay-figure or its 
 drapery, piece of furniture or article of vertu posed 
 as a model. You do not know with what care the 
 artist may have arranged these things, nor what 
 trouble the disarrangement may cost him. 
 
 Use no strong expression of either delight or 
 disapprobation at anything presented for your in- 
 spection. If a picture or a statue pleases you, show 
 your approval and appreciation by close attention 
 
ETIQUETTE OF PUBLIC PLACES. TOO, 
 
 and a few quiet, well-chosen words, rather than by 
 extravagant praise. 
 
 Do not ask the artist his prices unless you really 
 intend to become a purchaser; and in this case it 
 is best to attentively observe his works, make your 
 choice, and trust the negotiation to a third person 
 or to a written correspondence with the artist after 
 the visit is concluded. You may express your desire 
 for the work and obtain the refusal of it from the 
 artist. If you desire to conclude the bargain at 
 once and ask his price, and he names a higher one 
 than you desire to give, you may say as much and 
 mention the sum you are willing to pay, when it 
 will be optional with the artist to maintain his first 
 price or accept your offer. 
 
 It is not proper to visit the studio of an artist 
 except by special invitation or permission and at 
 an appointed time, for you cannot appreciate how 
 much you may disturb him at his work. The 
 hours of daylight are all golden to him ; and stead- 
 iness of hand in manipulating a pencil is sometimes 
 only acquired each day after hours of practice, and 
 may be instantly lost on the irruption and conse- 
 quent interruption of visitors. 
 
 Never take a young child to a studio, for it may 
 do much mischief in spite of the most careful 
 watching. At any rate, the juvenile visitor will try 
 the artist's temper and nerves by keeping him in a 
 state of constant apprehension. 
 
 If you have engaged to sit for your portrait, 
 
110 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 never keep the artist waiting one moment oeyond 
 the appointed time. If you do so, you should in 
 justice pay for the time you make him lose. 
 
 A visitor should never stand behind an artist and 
 watch him at his work ; for if he be a man of ner- 
 vous temperament, it will be likely to disturb him 
 greatly. 
 
CHAPTER X. 
 
 EPISTOLARY ETIQUETTE. 
 
 MUCH of the happiness of this life depends 
 upon letter-writing. Yet there are few who 
 know how to write a letter correctly and properly in 
 all respects. 
 
 There are various kinds of letters, prominent 
 among which are the family letter, the friendly let- 
 ter, the love letter, the business letter, the letter of 
 congratulation or condolence, and letters of invita- 
 tion and acceptance or declination. 
 
 THE FAMILY LETTER. 
 
 First, and most important of all, comes the family 
 letter. Women always write these best. They 
 know how to pick up those little items of interest 
 which are, after all, nearly the sum-total of home 
 life, and which, by being carefully narrated, trans- 
 port, for the time being, the recipient back to home 
 and home interests. These letters should speak 
 familiarly of all the inmates of the family, tell of the 
 health or ill-health, haps or mishaps of each, and 
 what they are doing or intending to do. They 
 should give little gossipy items about neighbors 
 
 ill 
 
112 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 and acquaintances. They may even descend to 
 trifles about dress how Maria has got a new black 
 alpaca which she has made with a broad flounce and 
 plain overskirt; Frances has turned her old blue 
 silk and trimmed it with black lace, and made it look 
 as good as new. They may refer to Billy, the favor- 
 ite horse, and even announce an increase in pussy's 
 family. Having furnished all the news, they should 
 make kind and careful inquiries concerning the feel- 
 ings and doings of the recipient ; and if this recipient 
 is not an adept in the art of letter-writing, they may 
 furnish questions enough to be answered to make 
 the reply an easy task. They should conclude with 
 sincere expressions of affection from all the mem- 
 bers of the family to the absent one, a desire for his 
 speedy return or best welfare, and a request for an 
 early answer. 
 
 There really is no set model for a family letter. 
 It should be written as an agreeable and intelligent 
 woman would chat. 
 
 THE FRIENDLY LETTER. 
 
 The friendly letter can scarcely be described. It 
 should be somewhat more dignified in tone, and not 
 descend to such trivialities as the family letter. It 
 should touch upon subjects of interest to each, and 
 try to breathe throughout a spirit of sincerity and 
 of genuine interest in the person addressed. 
 
 A letter of this character should receive an early 
 
EPIS TOLA RY E TIQ UE TTE. 1 1 3 
 
 reply, yet not too early, as that would place the first 
 writer too soon under obligations to write again. 
 
 THE LOVE LETTER. 
 
 What can we say of the love letter ? Only this : 
 Let it be expressive of sincere esteem, yet written in 
 such a style that if it should ever fall under the eye 
 of the outside world there will be no silliness to 
 blush about, nor extravagance of expression of which 
 to be ashamed. 
 
 THE BUSINESS LETTER. 
 
 The business letter should be as brief as possible. 
 No words should be wasted in preface, apology or 
 explanation. Begin at once at the business on hand ; 
 state that in as few words as are consistent with 
 clearness of meaning, and when that is done stop. 
 
 In writing a business letter to a gentleman a lady 
 should first put his name in full, and then say " Sir," 
 or " Dear Sir," never " My Dear Sir." A gentleman 
 should observe a like rule in addressing a lady. The 
 letter should conclude, " Yours," " Yours respect- 
 fully," " Yours truly," " Your obedient servant," or 
 almost any of the forms commonly adopted, except 
 " Yours, etc.," which means nothing except an ex- 
 pression of laziness. 
 
 It is most imperative that the business letter 
 should contain the writer's name and address in 
 full. 
 
 In replying to a business letter the writer should 
 
114 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 always recapitulate the substance of the letter re- 
 ceived before the reply is given, that the corre- 
 spondent may have the whole matter recalled to 
 his mind, as a business man may have written so 
 many business letters that the substance of this 
 particular one may have entirely escaped his mem* 
 ory, and a reply which gave no clue to it would 
 be entirely unintelligible. 
 
 It is allowable, and in some cases desirable, upon 
 receiving a brief business letter, to write the reply 
 on the same page, immediately beneath the original 
 communication, thus returning both together. By 
 this means the whole matter is brought up before the 
 writer's mind without an effort. 
 
 A business letter should receive an immediate 
 reply, which should be as brief, and direct as cir- 
 cumstances will permit. 
 
 LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. 
 
 A letter of introduction should be written upon 
 the best note-paper, with an envelope to corre- 
 spond, and of a fashionable shape and size. The 
 precise form of a letter of introduction is not es- 
 sential, so that it expresses an earnest desire to 
 have the friend whom it introduces received into 
 the good esteem of the friend addressed. 
 
 Letters of introduction should never be sealed, 
 and should bear upon the envelope, in the left- 
 hand corner, the name and address of the pefson 
 
EPISTOLATORY ETIQUETTE. 11$ 
 
 introduced. The following will give an idea 3f an 
 appropriate form for a letter of introduction : 
 
 "PHILADELPHIA, October 27, 1874. 
 
 "J. W. OSGOOD, ESQ.: 
 " DEAR SIR : 
 
 " I take the liberty of introducing to you my 
 esteemed friend, Miss Mary A. Weeks, who con- 
 templates spending some little time in your city. 
 Any attentions you may find it possible to show 
 her during her stay will be considered as a personal 
 favor by Yours sincerely, 
 
 " MRS. E. B. BARTLETT." 
 
 The envelope should bear the following super- 
 scription : 
 
 Introducing Miss Mary A. Weeks, Philadelphia. 
 
 LETTERS OF CONGRATULATION OR CONDOLENCE. 
 
 In writing letters of congratulation or condolence 
 one should be careful to make them seem expressive 
 
II 6 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 of real feeling, and not have them sound like a mere 
 form of words copied from some " Model Letter 
 Writer." Therefore use no set form, such as that 
 prescribed in the " Letter Writer's Own Book," but 
 let the letter be natural and characteristic in its 
 phraseology. Make letters of this character brief, 
 and do not touch in them upon any subject save the 
 one for which you are offering your congratulations 
 or sympathy. 
 
 LETTERS OF INVITATION. 
 
 Letters of invitation are various in form, according 
 to the occasion which calls them forth. 
 
 An invitation to a large party or ball should be 
 sent out at least a fortnight beforehand, and should 
 read as follows : 
 
 " Mrs. Neff requests the pleasure of Miss Wil- 
 liams' company at a ball on Thursday, Jan. 8, at 9 
 o'clock." 
 
 Invitations to a ball are always given in the name 
 of the lady of the house. 
 
 The letter of acceptance should be as follows : 
 
 " Miss Williams accepts with pleasure Mrs. Neff 's 
 kind invitation for Thursday, Jan. 8." 
 
 Or if it is impossible to attend, a note something 
 after the following style should be sent : 
 
 " Miss Williams regrets that a previous engage- 
 ment [or whatever may be the preventing cause] will 
 prevent her accepting Mrs. Neff 's kind invitation for 
 Jan. 8." 
 
EPISTOLAR Y E TIQ UE TTE. 1 1 / 
 
 The invitation to a large party is similar to that 
 for a ball, only the words " at a ball " are omitted 
 and the hour may be earlier. The notes of accept- 
 ance or rejection are the same as for a ball. 
 
 Such a note calls for full evening-dress. If the 
 party is a small one, the same should be indicated 
 in the note by putting in the words " to a small 
 evening-party," so that there may be no mistake in 
 the matter. There can certainly be nothing more 
 embarrassing to a lady than to go in full evening- 
 dress to the house of a friend expecting to find a 
 large party there assembled all in similar costumes, 
 and meet only a few friends and acquaintances 
 plainly dressed. 
 
 If there is any special feature which is to give 
 character to the evening, it is best, by all means, to 
 mention this fact in the note of invitation. Thus the 
 words "musical party," "to take part in dramatic 
 readings," "to witness amateur theatricals," etc., 
 should be inserted in the note. If there are pro- 
 grammes for the entertainment, be sure to enclose 
 one. 
 
 An invitation from a gentleman to a lady to attend 
 opera, theatre, concert, lecture or other entertain- 
 ment should read as follows : 
 
 " Mr. Morris would be pleased to have Miss 
 Dixon's company at the opera on Friday evening, 
 February 6, when 'Norma' will be performed by 
 Miss Kellogg's company at the Academy of Music." 
 
 Such an invitation calls for an immediate answer 
 
II 8 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 of acceptance or rejection. The lady may plead a 
 prior engagement in, rejecting. 
 
 For a general reception invitations are printed 
 upon cards and require no answer. Their style 
 should be similar to the following : 
 
 t ome, 
 
 Invitations to a dinner-party should be in the 
 name of both host and hostess : 
 
 " Mr. and Mrs. C. B. Campbell request the plea- 
 sure of Mr. and Mrs. Morris' company at dinner on 
 Monday, Dec. 23, at five o'clock." 
 
 A note of acceptance or refusal should be at once 
 returned. The models of replies to invitations to 
 balls will serve here. 
 
 An invitation to a tea-drinking need not be so 
 formal. It should partake more of the nature of a 
 friendly note, thus : 
 
 " DEAR Miss RAYMOND : We have some friends 
 
PIS TOLA RY E TIQ UE TTE. 1 1 9 
 
 coming to drink tea with us to-morrow ; will you 
 give us the pleasure of your company also ? We 
 hope you will not disappoint us. 
 
 " MRS. ELLEN BROWN." 
 
 In writing to persons of superior rank than your 
 own you should request the " honor " instead of 
 " pleasure " of their company. 
 
 Invitations should be written upon small note 
 paper, which may have initial or monogram stamped 
 upon it. 
 
 All invitations should be dated at the top, with 
 address written legibly at the bottom. 
 
 The body of the invitation should be in the mid- 
 dle of the sheet, the date above, to the right, the 
 address below, to the left. 
 
 The invitation must be sent to the private resi- 
 dence of the person invited, never to the place of 
 business. It should always be sent by a private 
 messenger; for the post is so uncertain that it 
 might not be received in time, if it did not fail alto- 
 gether. 
 
 Should an invitation be declined, some reason 
 must be given, the true cause a prior engagement, 
 a contemplated journey, sickness, domestic trouble, 
 or whatever it may be being stated clearly and 
 concisely, so that the hostess shall have no possible 
 occasion for offence. This refusal should be des- 
 patched as quickly as possible, so that the hostess 
 may have time to supply the vacant place. 
 
120 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 An invitation once accepted, and an engagement 
 made to dinner, should be sacredly observed. Only 
 the most imperative necessity will justify its being 
 broken. And in that case the fact must be communi- 
 cated directly with a full explanation to the hostess. 
 If it is too late to supply your place, it may at least 
 be in time to prevent dinner waiting on your account. 
 
 The style of wedding invitations differs with 
 changing fashions, so that there can be no impera- 
 tive rule laid down. The same may be said regard- 
 ing funerals. 
 
 GENERAL RULES REGARDING LETTER-WRITING. 
 
 All letters should be written in a clear, fair hand. 
 The t's should be scrupulously crossed and the i's 
 dotted, and the sentences sufficiently punctuated to 
 allow of the sense being readily comprehended. We 
 will not insist upon perfect punctuation for the very 
 good reason that the vast majority of people are un- 
 equal to it. 
 
 A letter should be written on white paper with 
 black ink. The best and most appropriate size of 
 paper is what is known as " commercial note." 
 
 Monograms are only allowable in black or stamp. 
 Gilt or colored monograms are exceedingly vulgar. 
 
 Letters should always bear the address of the 
 writer. The best way is to have the address neatly 
 printed at the top of the sheet. By this means no 
 forgetfulness on the part of the writer in this respect 
 will result disastrously. 
 
EPISTOLARY ETIQUETTE. 121 
 
 The name should always be signed in full to a 
 letter of whatever character ; and if the writer be a 
 married lady, she should invariably, except in the 
 most familiar missives, prefix " Mrs." to her name. 
 
 An elaborate or illegible signature intended to 
 make an impression on the beholder is exceedingly 
 snobbish. 
 
 In business and ceremonious letters do not write 
 on both sides of the page. 
 
 Be very sparing in your underlining of words. 
 Most letters need no italics whatever, and to empha- 
 size words in every line by underscoring makes the 
 whole letter weak, if not ridiculous. 
 
 Letters should present neither erasures nor blots. 
 
 Letters about one's own affairs, requiring an an- 
 swer, should always enclose a stamp to pay return 
 postage. A still better way is to send a stamped and 
 directed envelope. 
 
 Letters should be directed in a clear, large hand 
 to the person for whom they are intended. If they 
 are to be in the care of some one else, let that be 
 added after the name or in the lower left-hand corner 
 of the letter. 
 
 It is well to put the writer's name and address on 
 the outside of the envelope, and then, if the letter is 
 not taken from the office, it will in course of time 
 be returned direct to the sender. 
 
 Red sealing-wax is only used in business or offi- 
 cial letters. The self-sealing envelopes preclude the 
 necessity of using either wax or wafers. 
 
122 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 The stamp should be placed on the right-hand 
 corner of the envelope, and it is well to bestow suffi- 
 cient time upon it to place it right side up and per- 
 fectly straight. 
 
 In communicating bad news great care should be 
 taken not to do it too abruptly. 
 
 We should speak of our own misfortunes as little 
 as possible in our letters ; and if they are matters 
 that concern only ourselves, and the person to whom 
 we write cannot in any way help us, but on the con- 
 trary is sure to be cast down at hearing of our 
 troubles, it is well to omit their mention altogether. 
 
 We should not write in a tone of dejection, 
 neither should we pen an ill-tempered letter. We' 
 shall be sure to be ashamed of such a one in our 
 cooler moments. If we must relieve our feelings by 
 writing the letter, then let us write it, but postpone 
 the sending for a day or two, when our better judg- 
 ment will probably prompt us to destroy the letter 
 altogether. 
 
 Letters should always be civil in tone. If they 
 are otherwise, they detract from the dignity of the 
 writer rather than the receiver. 
 
 No gentleman or lady ever writes an anonymous 
 letter. It is the weapon of cowards and knaves. 
 
 A familiar letter is always more or less egotistic, 
 yet it must be made to seem as little so as possible. 
 This can be done by avoiding the pronoun " I " 
 whenever practicable. 
 
 A person in mourning should use note paper and 
 
EPISTOLARY ETIQUETTE. 12$ 
 
 envelope with a black border of more or less width, 
 according to the degree of mourning to be exhibited. 
 Too broad a border, however, is ostentatious and in 
 exceedingly bad taste. 
 
 Errors in spelling and grammar are things which 
 no well-bred person can afford to be guilty of. 
 There is nothing which will so quickly prejudice 
 another's mind against one as these. Style is also 
 an important consideration. Something may be told 
 pleasantly and in a lively manner which shall inter- 
 est the reader. The same thing may be communi- 
 cated in so dull and verbose a style that the reader 
 will hardly have patience to read to the end. 
 
 The secret of good letter-writing consists in 
 writing as you would speak, correctly and properly 
 as possible, in a simple, concise, clear and natural 
 manner. 
 
CHAPTER XI. 
 
 ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP. 
 
 IT cannot be expected that we shall in this chap- 
 ter discuss the proper qualifications of husbands 
 and wives or give good advice or words of warning 
 in these matters. There is much to be said, no 
 doubt, but the one in need must look elsewhere for 
 information or counsel. It is our business only to 
 dictate the proper behavior of young men toward 
 young women and young women toward young men 
 during the most important and interesting period of 
 their lives. Let them be good, bad or indifferent, if 
 they would regulate their actions after the strict 
 rules of society, and so seem at their best, they would 
 do well to study the pages of this book, or of one of 
 similar character. 
 
 SOCIAL INTERCOURSE BETWEEN THE SEXES. 
 
 A young man and young woman who are not yet 
 engaged enjoy the period of the greatest freedom 
 they will ever know. They may associate with 
 those of the other sex without restraints save those 
 imposed by decorum and good breeding. 
 
 124 
 
ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP. 12$ 
 
 CONDUCT OF A GENTLEMAN TOWARD LADIES. 
 
 A gentleman whose thoughts are not upon mar- 
 riage should not pay too exclusive attentions to any 
 one lady. He may call upon all and extend invita- 
 tions to any or all to attend public places of amuse- 
 ment with him, or may act as their escort on oc- 
 casions, and no one of the many has any right to feel 
 herself injured. But as soon as he neglects all oth- 
 ers to devote himself to a single lady he gives that 
 lady reason to suppose he is particularly attracted to 
 her, and there is danger of her feelings becoming 
 engaged. 
 
 CONDUCT OF A LADY TOWARD GENTLEMEN. 
 
 Neither should a young lady allow marked atten- 
 tions from any one to whom she is not specially 
 attracted, for two reasons : one, that she may not do 
 an injury to the gentleman in seeming to give his 
 suit encouragement, and the other, that she may not 
 harm herself in keeping aloof from her those whom 
 she might like better, but who will not approach her 
 under the mistaken idea that her feelings are already 
 interested. A young lady will on no account encour- 
 age the addresses of one whom she perceives to be 
 seriously interested in her unless she feels it possible 
 that in time she may be able to return his affections. 
 The prerogative of proposing lies with man, but the 
 prerogative of refusing lies with woman ; and this 
 prerogative a lady of tact and kind heart can and 
 
126 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 will exercise before her suitor is brought to the 
 humiliation of a direct offer. She may let him see 
 that she receives with equal favor attentions from 
 others, and she may check in a kindly but firm 
 manner too frequent visits to herself. She should 
 try, while discouraging him as a lover, to still retain 
 him as a friend. 
 
 A young man who has used sufficient delicacy 
 and deliberation in the matter, and who, moreover, 
 is. capable of taking a hint when it is offered him, 
 need hardly go to the length of a declaration when 
 a refusal only awaits him. 
 
 PREMATURE DECLARATION. 
 
 It is very injudicious, not to say presumptuous, 
 for a gentleman to make a proposal to a young 
 lady on too brief an acquaintance. He may be per- 
 fectly satisfied as to her merits, but how can he 
 imagine himself so attractive as to suppose her 
 equally satisfied on her part ? A lady who would 
 accept a gentleman at first sight can hardly possess 
 the discretion needed to make her a good wife. 
 Therefore, impatient and impassioned young man, 
 nurse your ardor for a time unless you wish to 
 ensure for yourself disappointment. 
 
 LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. 
 
 No doubt there is such a thing as love at first 
 sight, but love alone is a very uncertain foundation 
 upon which to base marriage. There should be thor- 
 
ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP. 12? 
 
 ough acquaintanceship and a certain knowledge of 
 harmony of tastes and temperaments before matri- 
 mony is ventured upon. 
 
 PROPER MANNER OF COURTSHIP. 
 
 It is impossible to lay down any strict rule as to 
 the proper mode of courtship and proposal. A 
 French authority will tell us that it is the business 
 of the parents to settle all preliminaries. In Eng- 
 land it is considered en regie for the young man 
 to ask the consent of the parents to pay addresses 
 to their daughter. In this country the matter is 
 left almost entirely to the young people. 
 
 It seems most reasonable that courtship should 
 precede engagement, and that circumstances must 
 determine whether it lead to engagement. Thus, a 
 man may begin seriously to court a girl, but may 
 discover before any promise binds them to each 
 other that they are entirely unsuited to one an- 
 other, when he may with perfect propriety, and 
 without serious injury to the lady, withdraw his 
 attentions. But suppose he has already applied to 
 and gained the consent of her parents to pay her 
 his addresses. They have, no doubt, communi- 
 cated the fact to their daughter, and they all con- 
 sider him as under a partial engagement. How, 
 then, when he comes to perceive that a marriage 
 between them cannot fail to be unhappy and un- 
 fortunate, can he go to them and to her and say 
 this and withdraw his suit with dignity and with 
 
128 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 the proper feeling on both sides? Of course 
 such a proceeding is possible, but hardly probable, 
 ar d is likely to produce much pain and embarrass- 
 ment. 
 
 Certain authorities would insist that the leave of 
 parents must always be obtained before the daughter 
 is asked to give herself in marriage. While we would 
 not insinuate that there is anything improper or wrong 
 in such a course, still, we think, in this country, with 
 our social customs, it is best not to be too strict in 
 this regard. Each case has its own peculiar circum- 
 stances which must govern it, and it seems at least 
 pardonable to us if the young man should prefer to 
 know his fate directly from the lips of the most in - 
 terested party before he submits himself to the cooler 
 judgment and the critical observation of the father 
 and mother, who are not by any means in love with 
 him, and who may possibly regard him with a some- 
 what jealous eye as having already monopolized their 
 daughter's affections and now desirous to steal her 
 outright. 
 
 Parents should always be perfectly familiar with 
 the character of their daughter's associates, and 
 they should exercise their authority so far as not 
 to permit her to form any improper acquaint- 
 ances. In regulating the social relations of their 
 daughter parents should bear in mind the pos- 
 sibility of her falling in love with any one with 
 whom she may come in frequent contact. There- 
 fore, if any gentleman of her acquaintance is 
 
ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP. I2Q 
 
 particularly ineligible as a husband, he should be 
 excluded as far as practicable from her society. 
 
 Parents, especially mothers, should also watch 
 with a jealous care the tendencies of their daugh- 
 ter's affections ; and if they see them turning toward 
 unworthy or undesirable objects, influence of some- 
 sort should be brought to bear to counteract this. 
 Open remonstrance and objection will not do it. It 
 will in nine cases out of ten have a result the exact 
 contrary of that desired. Great delicacy and tact 
 are required to manage matters rightly. A more 
 suitable person may, if available, be brought forward, 
 in the hope of attracting the young girl's attention. 
 The objectionable traits of the undesirable suitor 
 should be made apparent to her without the act 
 seeming to be intentional; and if all this fails, let 
 change of scene and surroundings by travel or visit- 
 ing accomplish the desired result. The latter course 
 will generally do it if matters have not been allowed 
 to progress too far and the young girl is not in- 
 formed why she is temporarily banished from home. 
 
 Parents should always be able to tell from obser- 
 vation and instinct just how matters stand with their 
 daughter ; and if the suitor is an acceptable one and 
 everything satisfactory, then the most scrupulous 
 rules of etiquette will not object to their letting the 
 young couple alone. If the lover chooses to propose 
 directly to the lady and consult her father afterward, 
 consider that he has a perfect right to do so. If her 
 parents have sanctioned his visits and attentions by 
 
130 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 a silent consent, he has a right to believe that his 
 addresses will be favorably received by them. If he 
 has a scrupulous regard for old-fashioned notions of 
 decorum and applies to the father first, accept his 
 suit graciously, at the same time thanking him for 
 his honorable conduct. 
 
 PROPOSALS OF MARRIAGE. 
 
 It is impossible to lay down any rules in regard to 
 proposals of marriage. Modes are and should be as 
 different as people. The best way certainly is to 
 apply in person to the lady and receive the answer 
 from her own lips. Failing in courage for that, one 
 can resort to writing. A spoken declaration should 
 be bold, manly and earnest. It should be, moreover, 
 plain in its meaning, so there may be no misunder- 
 standing. But as to the exact words there is no 
 set formula, unless we accept those laid down in 
 Dickens' novel of David Copperfield " Barkis is 
 willin." 
 
 Trollope says on this subject : " We are inclined 
 to think that these matters are not always discussed 
 by mortal lovers in the poetically passionate phrase- 
 ology which is generally thought to be appropriate 
 for this description. A man cannot well describe that 
 which he has never seen or heard, but the absolute 
 words and acts of one such scene did once come to 
 the author's knowledge. The couple were by no 
 means plebeian or below the proper standard of 
 high bearing and high breeding ; they were a hand- 
 
ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP. \l\ 
 
 some pair, living among educated people, sufficiently 
 given to mental pursuits, and in every way what a 
 pair of polite lovers ought to be. The all-important 
 conversation passed in this wise. The site of the 
 passionate scene was the sea-shore, on which they 
 were walking, in autumn. 
 
 " Gentleman. ' Well, miss, the long and the short 
 of it is this : here I am ; you can take me or leave 
 me.' 
 
 " Lady (scratching a gutter on the sand with her 
 parasol, so as to allow a little salt water to run out 
 of one hole into another). ' Of course I know that's 
 all nonsense.' 
 
 " Gentleman. * Nonsense ! By Jove, it isn't non- 
 sense at all ! Come, Jane, here I am ; come, at any 
 rate you can say something.' 
 
 " Lady. ' Yes, I suppose I can say something.' 
 
 " Gentleman. ' Well, which is it to be take me 
 or leave me ?' 
 
 "Lady (very slowly, and with a voice perhaps 
 hardly articulate, carrying on, at the same time, her 
 engineering works on a wider scale). ' Well, I don't 
 exactly want to leave you.' 
 
 "And so the matter was settled settled with 
 much propriety and satisfaction ; and both the lady 
 and gentleman would have thought, had they ever 
 thought about the matter at all, that this, the 
 sweetest moment of their lives, had been graced by 
 all the poetry by which such moments ought to be 
 hallowed." 
 
132 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 In novels of the old school the lover used to get 
 down upon his knees. He is excused from doing 
 that nowadays. Whatever his words or his posi- 
 tion, let him evince a sincere and unselfish affection 
 for the beloved, and try not only to act, but to feel, 
 that her happiness must be considered before his 
 own. With that view of the matter, how inconsid- 
 erate to press an unwelcome suit upon a young lady ! 
 If she has no affection for him, and does not con- 
 ceive it possible ever to entertain any, it is a cruel 
 thing to urge her to give her person without her 
 love. The eager lover may believe for the time 
 being that such possession would satisfy him, but 
 the day would surely come when he would reproach 
 his wife that she had nq love for him, and he would 
 possibly make that an excuse for all manner of un- 
 kindnesses. 
 
 A LADY'S "No." 
 
 It is not always necessary to take a lady's first 
 " no " as absolute. Diffidence or uncertainty as to 
 her own feelings may sometimes influence a lady to 
 reply in the negative, and after-consideration cause 
 her to regret that reply. 
 
 Though a gentleman may repeat his suit with pro- 
 priety after having been once repulsed, still it should 
 not be repeated too often or too long, lest it should 
 degenerate into importuning. If a lady really has 
 no love to give, in that case she will soon learn to 
 despise the importunate suitor, and he thus loses the 
 possibility of retaining her friendship. 
 
ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP. 133 
 
 No lady worthy any gentleman's regard will say 
 " no" twice to a suit which she intends ultimately to 
 receive with favor. If she is in any doubt about her 
 own mind, she will at least temper the second " no" 
 with an intimation that if time was granted her for 
 consideration she might possibly change her mind, 
 or she will ask for time for consideration before a 
 final answer is given. A lady should always be al- 
 lowed all the time she requires before making up her 
 mind ; and if the gentleman grows impatient of the 
 delay, he is always at liberty to insist on an imme- 
 diate answer and abide by the consequences of his 
 impatience. 
 
 A lady who really means " no" should be able to so 
 say it as to make her meaning unmistakable. For her 
 own sake and that of her suitor, if she really desires 
 the suit ended, her denial should be positive and of 
 a character to let no doubt remain of its being final. 
 And this can be done in so kind and dignified a man- 
 ner that she will retain her lover as her friend if his 
 friendship is worth having. 
 
 A man should never make a declaration in a jest- 
 ing manner. It is most unfair to the lady. He has 
 no right to trifle with her feelings for mere sport, nor 
 has he a right to hide his own meaning under the 
 guise of jest. The chances are that he will be an- 
 swered after the same manner in which he speaks. 
 If the lady be designing or malicious, she may 
 accept his intended jest in serious earnest, and 
 thereby g'Ve him much trouble; or if she be of 
 
134 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 delicate sensibilities, she may accept his apparent 
 jest as an actual one, and he may lose his suit ac- 
 cordingly. 
 
 Nothing can be more unfair or more unjustifiable 
 than a doubtful answer given under the plea of 
 sparing the suitor's feelings. It raises false hopes. 
 It renders a man restless and unsettled. It may 
 cause him to express himself or to shape his con- 
 duct in such a manner as he would not dream of 
 doing were his suit utterly hopeless. 
 
 As a woman is not bound to accept the first 
 offer that is made to her, so no sensible man will 
 think the worse of her or feel himself personally 
 injured by a refusal. That it will give him pain is 
 most probable. If his heart does not suffer, his 
 vanity is sure to do so. But he is sure in time to 
 appreciate the fact that his feelings were not trifled 
 with or his position made ridiculous, but that his 
 advances were met in the earnest and candid spirit 
 which had actuated him in coming forward. 
 
 Let young ladies always remember that, charm- 
 ing and fascinating as they may be, the man who 
 proposes to them pays them a high compliment 
 the highest in his power. This merits appreciation 
 and a generous return. 
 
 A scornful " no " or a simpering promise to 
 " think about it " is the reverse of generous. 
 
 In refusing, the lady ought to convey her full 
 sense of the honor intended her, and to add, seri- 
 ously but not offensively, that it is not in accord- 
 
ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP, 135 
 
 ance with her inclination, or that circumstances 
 compel her to give an unfavorable answer. 
 
 It is only the contemptible flirt who keeps an 
 honorable man in suspense for the purpose of glo- 
 rifying herself by his attentions in the eyes of friends. 
 Nor would any but a frivolous or vicious girl boast 
 of the offer she had received and rejected. Such 
 an offer is a privileged communication. The secret 
 of it should be held sacred. No true lady will ever 
 divulge to any one, unless it may be to her mother, 
 the fact of such an offer. It is the severest breach 
 of honor to do so. A lady who has once been 
 guilty of boasting of an offer should never have a 
 second- opportunity for boasting. 
 
 No true-hearted woman can entertain any other 
 feeling than that of commiseration for the man over 
 whose happiness she has been compelled to throw a 
 cloud, while the idea of triumphing in his distress 
 or abusing his confidence must be inexpressibly 
 painful to her. 
 
 THE REJECTED SUITOR. 
 
 The duty of the rejected suitor is quite clear. 
 Etiquette demands that he shall accept the lady's 
 decision as final and retire from the field. He has 
 no right to demand the reason of her refusal. If she 
 assign it, he is bound to respect her secret, if it is 
 one, and to hold it inviolable. 
 
 To persist in urging his suit or to follow up the 
 lady with marked attentions would be in the worst 
 
136 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 possible taste The proper course is to withdraw as 
 much as possible from the circles in which she 
 moves, so that she may be spared reminiscences 
 which cannot be other than painful. 
 
 Rejected suitors sometimes act as if they had re- 
 ceived injuries they were bound to avenge, and so 
 take every opportunity of annoying or slighting the 
 helpless victims of their former attentions. Such 
 conduct is cowardly and unmanly, to say nothing of 
 its utter violation of good breeding. 
 
 "ASKING PAPA." 
 
 When a gentleman is accepted by the lady of his 
 choice, the next thing in order is to go at once to her 
 parents for their approval. In presenting his suit to 
 them he should remember that it is not from the 
 sentimental" but the practical side that they will re- 
 gard the affair. Therefore, after describing the state 
 of his affections in as calm a manner as possible, 
 and perhaps hinting that their daughter is not indif- 
 ferent to him, let him at once frankly, without wait- 
 ing to be questioned, give an account of his pecuni- 
 ary resources and his general prospects in life, in 
 order that the parents may judge whether he can 
 properly provide for a wife and possible family. A 
 pertinent anecdote was recently going the rounds of 
 the newspapers. A father asked a young man who 
 had applied to him for his daughter's hand how 
 much property he had. " None," he replied, but he 
 was "chock full of days' work." The anecdote 
 
ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP. 
 
 concluded by saying that he got the girl. And we 
 believe all sensible fathers would sooner bestow 
 their daughters upon industrious, energetic young 
 men who are not afraid of days' work than upon 
 idle loungers with a fortune at their command. 
 
 AN ENGAGEMENT RING. 
 
 After the engagement is made between the couple 
 and ratified by the parents, it is customary in polite 
 society for the young man to affix the seal of this 
 engagement by some present to his affianced. This 
 present is usually a ring, and among the wealthy it 
 may be of diamonds a solitaire or cluster and as 
 expensive as the young man's means will justify. 
 The ring is not necessarily a diamond one; it may be 
 of other stones or it may be an heirloom in his fam- 
 ily, precious more because of its associations, an- 
 tiquity and quaintness than from its actual money- 
 value. 
 
 All lovers cannot afford to present their lady-loves 
 with diamond rings, but all are able to give them 
 some little token of their regard which will be cher- 
 ished for their sakes, and which will serve as a 
 memento of a very happy past to the end of life. 
 The engagement ring should be worn upon the ring 
 finger of the right hand. 
 
 CONDUCT OF THE FIANCE. 
 
 The conduct of the fiance should be tender, assid- 
 uous and unobtrusive. If he is a man of tact he 
 
138 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 will pay especial attention to his future mother in- 
 law ; he will be kind and polite to the sisters of his 
 betrothed and friendly with her brothers. Yet he 
 must not be in any way unduly familiar or force him- 
 self into family confidences on the ground that he is 
 to be regarded as a member of the family. Let the 
 advances come rather from them to him, and let him 
 show a due appreciation of any confidences which 
 they may be pleased to bestow upon him. 
 
 THE FAMILY OF THE YOUNG MAN. 
 The engagement becoming a settled thing, the 
 family of the young man should make the first 
 advances toward an acquaintance with his future 
 wife. They should call upon her or write to her, 
 and they may with perfect propriety invite her to 
 visit them in order that they may become acquainted 
 
 THE POSITION OF AN ENGAGED WOMAN. 
 
 An engaged woman should eschew all flirtations, 
 though it does not follow that she is to cut herself 
 off from all association with the other sex because 
 she has chosen her future husband. She may still 
 have friends and acquaintances, she may still receive 
 visits and calls, but she must try to conduct herself 
 in such a manner as to give no offence. 
 
 POSITION OF AN ENGAGED MAN. 
 The same rules may be laid down in regard to the 
 other party to the contract, only that he pays visits 
 
ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP. 139 
 
 instead of receiving them. Neither should assume 
 a masterful or jealous attitude toward the other. 
 They are neither of them to be shut up away from 
 the rest of the world, but must mingle in society 
 after marriage nearly the same as before, and take 
 the same delight in friendship. The fact that they 
 have confessed their love to each other ought to be 
 deemed a sufficient guarantee of faithfulness ; for the 
 rest let there be trust and confidence. 
 
 THE RELATIONS OF AN ENGAGED COUPLE. 
 
 Nevertheless, a young man has no right to put a 
 slight upon his future bride by appearing in public 
 with other ladies while she remains neglected at 
 home. He is in future her legitimate escort. He 
 should attend no other lady when she needs his 
 services ; she should accept no other escort when he 
 is at liberty to attend her. 
 
 It may be well to hint that a lady should not be 
 too demonstrative of her affection during the days 
 of her engagement. There is always the chance of 
 a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip ; and overt demon- 
 strations of love are not pleasant to remember by a 
 young lady if the man to whom they are given by 
 any chance fails to become her husband. 
 
 An honorable man will never tempt his future 
 bride to any such demonstration. He will always 
 maintain a respectful and decorous demeanor toward 
 her. 
 
 Among certain classes of society it is quite com- 
 
I4O OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 mon to allow peculiar latitude to an engaged couple. 
 It is not many years since in the heart of Pennsyl- 
 vania "bundling" was permitted. What "bundling" 
 was it is not here necessary to describe. In the 
 lower classes in New Jersey, and no doubt in many 
 other localities, the young man who is paying his 
 suit to a girl expects to be allowed to remain with 
 her in a dimly-lighted or perhaps completely dark- 
 ened room till nearly or quite daylight. In some- 
 what more civilized society it is thought perfectly 
 proper for love-making to encroach somewhat upon 
 the small hours, and even among people of culture 
 and refinement it is considered necessary to leave 
 the young courting or engaged couple entirely by 
 themselves during the whole evening. 
 
 This is all a relic of the grossest barbarism. No 
 young man who would shrink from being guilty of 
 a great impropriety, and who would not risk sinking 
 in the esteem of his beloved and her friends, should 
 ever prolong his visits beyond ten o'clock, unless it 
 be the common custom of the family to remain up 
 and to entertain visitors to a later hour, and the visit 
 paid is a family one and not a tete-a-tete. Two hours 
 is quite long enough for a call ; and the young man 
 will give evidence of his affection no less than his 
 consideration by making his visits short, and if need 
 be making them often, rather than by prolonging 
 them to unreasonable hours. 
 
 Very few young men comprehend the real pain 
 and inconvenience they occasion to the lady of their 
 
ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP. 141 
 
 choice when they keep her up to untoward hours, 
 and subject her, in consequence, to the ridicule 
 and censure of others. 
 
 It is not inappropriate to sometimes leave an en- 
 gaged couple by themselves, but that they should 
 always be so left, under all circumstances and no 
 matter at what inconvenience to others, is as absurd 
 as it is indelicate. 
 
 PRESENTS AFTER ENGAGEMENT. 
 
 If the gentleman has means and the lady's parents 
 do not object, he may with propriety make presents 
 to his affianced. If there are any scruples on this 
 point, he can at least present her flowers, music 
 and periodicals or books, to which no one will take 
 exception. 
 
 LOVERS' QUARRELS. 
 
 Neither party should ever try to make the other 
 jealous for the purpose of testing his or her affec- 
 tion. Such a course is contemptible ; and if the af- 
 fections of the other are permanently lost by it, the 
 offending party is only gaining his or her just deserts. 
 Neither should there be provocation to little quarrels 
 for the foolish delight of reconciliation. 
 
 No lover will assume a domineering attitude over 
 his future wife. If he does so, she will do well to escape 
 from his thrall before she becomes his wife in reality. 
 A domineering lover will be certain to be still more 
 domineering as a husband; and from all such the 
 prayer of wise women is, " Good Lord, deliver us !" 
 
142 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 BREAKING AN ENGAGEMENT. 
 
 Sometimes it is necessary to break off an engage- 
 ment. Many circumstances will justify this. Indeed, 
 anything which may occur or be discovered which 
 shall promise to render the marriage an unsuitable 
 or unhappy one is and should be accepted as 
 justification for such a rupture. Still, breaking an 
 engagement is always a serious and distressing 
 thing, and ought not to be contemplated without 
 absolute and just reasons. 
 
 Whichever is the acting party in the matter must 
 necessarily feel his or her position one of great deli- 
 cacy and embarrassment. The step must be taken 
 firmly yet gently, and everything done to soften the 
 blow to the other party. 
 
 It is generally best to break an engagement by 
 letter. By this means one can express himself or 
 herself more clearly, and give the true reasons for 
 his or her course much better than in a personal 
 interview. The letter breaking the engagement 
 should be accompanied by everything in the way 
 of portraits, letters or gifts which has been re- 
 ceived during the engagement. 
 
 Such a letter should be acknowledged in a dig- 
 nified manner, and no efforts should be made or 
 measures be taken to change the decision of 
 the writer unless it is manifest that he or she is 
 greatly mistaken in his or her premises. A simi- 
 lar return of letters, portraits and gifts should be 
 made. 
 
CHAPTER XII. 
 
 TABLE ETIQUETTE. 
 
 "DREAKFAST is the least ceremonious meal of 
 JLJ the day. In establishments where the corps 
 of servants is sufficiently large, so that the arrange- 
 ments of the day are not disturbed thereby, it is cus- 
 tomary to let the members of the family break 
 their fast at their own proper hour. The table is 
 set, and each one comes in without ceremony when- 
 ever it pleases him or her to do so. In smaller 
 households a good deal of inconvenience would 
 attend such a course, and it is well to insist upon 
 punctuality at a reasonably late hour. Neverthe- 
 less, at this first meal of the day, even in the most 
 orderly households, a certain amount of freedom is 
 allowed which would be unjustifiable at any other 
 time. The head of the house may read his morning 
 paper and the other members of the family may 
 look over their correspondence in silence if they 
 choose. And each may rise and leave the table 
 when business or pleasure dictates without waiting 
 for a general signal. 
 
 THE BREAKFAST-TABLE. 
 The breakfast-table should be simply decorated, 
 
 143 
 
144 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 yet it may be made extremely attractive, with its 
 snowy cloth and napkins, its array of glass, and its 
 ornamentation of flowers and fruit. 
 
 Queen Victoria has set the fashion of placing the 
 whole loaf of bread upon the table with a knife by 
 its side, leaving the bread to be cut as it is desired. 
 However, the old style of having the bread already 
 cut when it is placed upon the table will still recom- 
 mend itself to many. In eating, bread must always 
 be broken, never cut, and certainly not bitten. 
 
 Fruit should be served in abundance at the break- 
 fast-table whenever and wherever practicable. There 
 is an old adage which declares that " fruit is golden 
 in the morning, silver at noon and leaden at night." 
 
 GENERAL RULES FOR BEHAVIOR AT TABLE. 
 
 Tea and coffee should never be poured into a 
 saucer to cool. 
 
 If a person wishes to be served with more tea 
 or coffee, he should place his spoon in the saucer. 
 If he has had sufficient, let it remain in the cup. 
 
 If by chance anything unpleasant is found in the 
 food, such as a hair in the bread or a fly in the cof- 
 fee, remove it without remark. Even though your 
 own appetite be spoiled, it is well not to prejudice 
 others. 
 
 Always make use of the butter-knife, sugar-tongs 
 and salt-spoon, instead of using your knife, spoon or 
 fingers. 
 
 Never, if possible, cough or sneeze at the table. 
 
TABLE ETIQUETTE. 145 
 
 If you feel the paroxysm coming on, leave the room. 
 It may be worth while to know that a sneeze may 
 be stifled by placing the finger firmly upon the 
 upper lip. 
 
 At home fold your napkin when you are done 
 with it and place it in your ring. If you are vis- 
 iting, leave your napkin unfolded beside your plate. 
 
 Never hold your knife and fork upright on each 
 side of your plate while you are talking. 
 
 Do not cross your knife and fork upon your plate 
 when you have finished. 
 
 When you send your plate to be refilled, place 
 your knife and fork upon one side of it or put them 
 upon your piece of bread. 
 
 Eat neither too fast nor too slow. 
 
 Never lean back in your chair nor sit too near or 
 too far from the table. 
 
 Keep your elbows at your side, so that you may 
 not inconvenience your neighbors. 
 
 Do not find fault with the food. 
 
 The old-fashioned habit of abstaining from taking 
 the last piece upon the plate is no longer observed. 
 It is to be supposed that the vacancy can be supplied 
 if necessary. 
 
 If a plate is handed you at table, keep it yourself 
 instead of passing it to a neighbor. If a dish is 
 passed to you, serve yourself first, and then pass 
 it on. 
 
 LUNCHEON. 
 
 Luncheon has come to be a recognized institution 
 10 
 
146 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 in our large cities, where business forbids the heads 
 of families returning to dinner until a late hour. 
 Luncheon also serves as an early dinner for chil- 
 dren and servants. 
 
 There is much less formality in the serving of 
 lunch than of dinner. Whether it consists of one of 
 more courses, it is all set upon the table at once. 
 When only one or two are to lunch, the repast is 
 ordinarily served upon a tray. 
 
 DINNER. 
 
 We have already spoken at some length of cere- 
 monious dinners, so that all we need treat of in this 
 place is the private family dinner. This should 
 always be the social hour of the day. Then parents 
 and children meet together, and the meal should be 
 of such length as to allow of the greatest sociality. 
 It is an old proverb that "chatted food is half 
 digested." 
 
 It may not be out of place to quote here an anec- 
 dote from the French, which no doubt many of our 
 readers have seen before, but which will illustrate, in 
 most respects, the correct etiquette of the dining- 
 table. 
 
 The abbe Casson, a professor in the College Maza- 
 rin, and an accomplished litterateur, dined one day 
 at Versailles with the abbe de Radonvilliers, in com- 
 pany with several courtiers and marshals of France. 
 After dinner, when the talk ran upon the etiquette 
 and customs of the table, the abbe Casson boasted 
 
TABLE ETIQUETTE. 147 
 
 of his intimate acquaintance with the best dining-out 
 usages of society. 
 
 The abbe Delille listened to his account of his own 
 good manners for a while, but then interrupted him 
 and offered to wager that at the dinner just served 
 he had committed numberless errors or impropri- 
 eties. 
 
 " How is it possible !" demanded the abbe. " I 
 did exactly like the rest of the company." 
 
 " Nonsense !" exclaimed the other. " You did a 
 hundred things which no one else did. First, when 
 you sat down at the table, what did you do with 
 your napkin ?" 
 
 " My napkin ? Why, just what everybody else 
 did: I unfolded it and fastened it to my button- 
 hole." 
 
 "Ah, my dear friend," said Delille, "you were 
 the only one of the party who did that. No one 
 hangs his napkin up in that style. They content 
 themselves with placing it across their knees. And 
 what did you do when you were served to soup ?" 
 
 " Like the others, surely. I took my spoon in my 
 right hand and my fork in the left " 
 
 " Your fork ! Who ever saw any one eat bread 
 out of his soup-plate with a fork before? After 
 your soup what did you eat ?" 
 
 "A fresh egg." 
 
 "And what did you do with the shell?" 
 
 " Handed it to the servant." 
 
 " Without breaking it ?" 
 
148 CUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 " Yes, without breaking it up, of course." 
 
 "Ah, my dear abbe, nobody ever eats an egg 
 without breaking the shell afterward," exclaimed 
 Abbe Delille. " And after your egg ?" 
 
 " I asked the abbe Radonvilliers to send me a 
 piece of the hen near him." 
 
 " Bless my soul ! a piece of the hen? One should 
 never speak of hens out of the hennery. You should 
 have asked for a piece of fowl or chicken. But you 
 say nothing about your manner of asking for wine." 
 
 " Like the others, I asked for claret and cham- 
 pagne." 
 
 " Let me inform you that one should always ask 
 for claret wine and champagne wine. But how did 
 you eat your bread ?" 
 
 "Surely I did that properly. I cut it with my 
 knife into small mouthfuls and ate it with my 
 fingers." 
 
 " Bread should never be cut, but always broken 
 with the fingers. But the coffee how did you man- 
 age that ?" 
 
 " It was rather too hot, so I poured a little of it 
 into my saucer and drank it." 
 
 "Well, then, you committed the greatest error. 
 You should never pour either coffee or tea into your 
 saucer, but always let it cool and drink it from the 
 cup." 
 
 It is unnecessary to say that the abbe was deeply 
 mortified at his evident ignorance of the usages of 
 polite society. 
 
CHAPTER XIII. 
 MISCELLANEOUS RULES OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 " T "\ECORUM," says a French writer, " is nothing 
 -L^ less than the respect of one's self and others 
 brought to bear upon every circumstance of life." 
 In all our relations with our fellow-men, whether 
 social or domestic, anything approaching coarseness, 
 undue familiarity or levity of conduct is prolific of 
 evil. 
 
 MAKING AND RECEIVING PRESENTS. 
 
 The proper giving and receiving of gifts may be 
 almost styled an intuition which every one does not 
 possess. A generous person may unwittingly 
 wound where he intends to confer nothing but grat- 
 ification. A grateful person may, through want of 
 tact, seem almost to deprecate the liberality of the 
 giver. 
 
 A gift should always have some other value to the 
 receiver than its mere price. " Our tokens of love," 
 says Emerson, "are, for the most part, barbarous, 
 cold and lifeless because they do not represent our 
 life. The only gift is a portion of thyself. There- 
 fore let the/armer give his corn ; the miner a gem ; 
 
 149 
 
150 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 the sailor coral and shells ; the painter his picture ; 
 and the poet his poem." 
 
 The rich should beware how they give to the poor 
 lest they hurt their pride. The poor should only 
 give to the rich that which their time, their affections 
 or their talents have made precious. 
 
 A present should never be given with an expecta- 
 tion of a return. Nor should the recipient of a 
 present ever be reminded of it by the giver. 
 
 In presenting a book to a friend do not write his 
 or her name in it unless requested. 
 
 Neither over- nor undervalue the gift which you 
 are offering to a friend. If it is really valueless, you 
 insult your friend by presenting him with it. 
 
 Unmarried ladies should not accept presents from 
 gentlemen to whom they are neither related nor en- 
 gaged. A married lady may occasionally accept a 
 present from a gentleman who is indebted to her for 
 hospitality. 
 
 Presents made by a married lady to a gentleman 
 should be in the name of both herself and her hus- 
 band. 
 
 Never refuse a gift if offered in kindliness unless 
 the circumstances are such that you cannot with pro- 
 priety or consistency receive it. Neither in receiv- 
 ing a present make such comments as " I am 
 ashamed to rob you," " I am sure I ought not to 
 take it," which seem to indicate that your friend 
 cannot afford to make the gift. 
 
 On the other hand, never make a gift which is 
 
MISCELLANEOUS RULES. !$! 
 
 really beyond or out of proportion to your means.. 
 For you may be sure the recipient is thinking, even 
 if he have the good breeding to say nothing, that 
 you had best have kept it yourself. 
 
 Acknowledge the receipt of a present immedi- 
 ately, accompanying the acknowledgment by sin- 
 cere yet not too extravagant thanks. If you em- 
 ploy the latter, your sincerity may with good reason 
 be doubted. 
 
 Do not make it a religious duty, so to speak, to 
 return a present at once. You are justified in sup- 
 posing that the gift has been offered for the pur- 
 pose of affording you a pleasure, not with the ex- 
 pectation of a return, like a commercial transaction. 
 At some future time you can annul the obligation, 
 not regarding it, however, as an obligation, but 
 from a like desire to give pleasure to your friend. 
 
 ATTENTION TO YOUNG PEOPLE IN SOCIETY. 
 
 In society all should receive equal attention, the 
 young as well as the old. If we wish our young 
 people to grow up self-possessed and at ease, we 
 must early train them in these graces by giving 
 them the same attention and consideration we do 
 those of maturer years. If we snub them and sys- 
 tematically neglect them, they will acquire an awk- 
 wardness and a deprecatory manner which it will 
 be very difficult for them to overcome. We sin- 
 cerely believe that that which is considered the 
 natural gaucherie of young girls results more from 
 
152 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 the slights which they are constantly receiving, and 
 constantly expecting to receive, than from any real 
 Awkwardness inherent in their age. 
 
 GOVERNING OUR MOODS. 
 
 We should subdue our gloomy moods before we 
 enter society. To look pleasantly and to speak 
 kindly is a duty we owe to others. Neither should 
 we afflict them with any dismal account of our 
 health, state of mind or outward circumstances. 
 It is presumed that each one has trouble enough 
 of his own to bear without being burdened with 
 the sorrows of others. 
 
 SYMPATHIZING WITH OTHERS. 
 
 Nevertheless, if another makes us the confidant 
 of his woes, we should strive to appear sympa- 
 thetic, and if possible help him to be stronger 
 under them. 
 
 A COMMENDABLE HYPOCRISY. 
 
 In brief, we are called upon to make such minor 
 sacrifices of sincerity as a due regard for the hap- 
 piness and feelings of others demands. True po- 
 liteness requires us to consider these before our 
 own. 
 
 A lady who shows by act or expresses in plain, 
 curt words that the visit of another is unwelcome 
 may perhaps pride herself upon being no hypocrite 
 But she is, in reality, worse. She is grossly selfish 
 
MISCELLANEOUS RULES. 153 
 
 Courtesy, which is the essence of unselfishness, 
 would require her for the time to forget her own 
 feelings and remember those of her visitor, and 
 thus her duty is plain to make that visitor wel- 
 come and happy while she remains. If she really 
 does this forgets self and thinks only of her friend 
 there is no hypocrisy, but the highest order of 
 Christian charity. 
 
 IMPROPER ATTITUDES. 
 
 Never loll, lounge, sit cross-legged or sidewise, 
 fidget, yawn, bite the nails, twirl the watch-chain, 
 or be guilty of any other like gaucherie in the 
 presence of others. 
 
 SHYNESS. 
 
 Try to conquer shyness, so that you shall neither 
 blush nor stammer when addressed, but shall be 
 able to reply plainly and straightforwardly, and in 
 clear and correct language. 
 
 PRECEDENCE TO OTHERS. 
 
 Always give precedence to those older or of 
 higher position than yourself unless they request 
 you to take the precedence, when it is more polite 
 to obey than to adhere to the strict rule of etiquette, 
 since compliance with and adherence to the wishes 
 of others display the finest breeding. 
 
 In matters of precedence be more careful to give 
 others their rank than to take your own. 
 
154 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 MODERATION IN SPEAKING. 
 
 Always express your own opinions with mod- 
 esty, and if called upon defend them, but without 
 that warmth which may lead to hard feelings. Do 
 not enter into argument. Having spoken your 
 mind, and thus shown you are not cowardly in 
 your beliefs or opinions, drop the subject and lead 
 to some other topic. There is seldom any profit 
 in idle discussion. 
 
 It is a sign of vulgarity to use stronger expres- 
 sions than the occasion justifies, or profane language 
 at any time. 
 
 BOASTING. 
 
 Never boast of birth, money or friends, or of any 
 superior advantages which may be yours. 
 
 SALUTATIONS IN PUBLIC. 
 
 In meeting people more than once in a public 
 promenade it is only necessary to salute them the 
 first time in passing. 
 
 SINGING AND PLAYING IN SOCIETY. 
 
 A lady in company should never exhibit any anx- 
 iety to sing or play ; but being requested to do so, 
 if she intends to comply, she should do so at once, 
 without waiting to be urged. If she refuses, she 
 should do it in a manner that shall make her decis- 
 ion final. Having complied, she should not monop- 
 
MISCELLANEOUS RULES. 155 
 
 olize the evening with her performances, but make 
 way for others. 
 
 CARD-PLAYING. 
 
 Never lose your temper at cards, and, above all, 
 never be guilty of cheating. Neither make an accu- 
 sation of cheating against another. If you are con- 
 vinced of the fact, keep it to yourself; but you can 
 decline to play with the same person on another 
 occasion. 
 
 WINE-DRINKING. 
 
 It is now entirely out of date to ask another at 
 the dinner-table to drink wine with you. Each 
 drinks at his own option, and as little as he chooses. 
 If a person declines, he should by no means be 
 pressed to take more. If he refuses to drink it alto- 
 gether, he has a perfect right to do so, and no notice 
 should be taken of the fact. 
 
 SMOKING. 
 
 It is neither polite nor respectful to smoke in the 
 presence of ladies, even though they have given per- 
 mission. In truth, a gentleman will never ask such 
 permission. Neither will he smoke in any room 
 which ladies are in the habit of frequenting. 
 
 SPITTING. 
 
 Spitting is a filthy habit, and should never be in- 
 dulged in in public. As it is the necessary accom- 
 paniment of tobacco-chewing, therefore it follows 
 
156 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 that such chewing is vulgar in the extrenie a habit 
 to be refrained from by real gentlemen. 
 
 RIDICULE. 
 
 Never ridicule others, be the objects of your ridi- 
 cule present or absent. 
 
 RELIGIOUS OPINIONS. 
 
 Always show respect for the religious opinions 
 and observances of others, no matter how much 
 they may differ from your own. 
 
 READING IN COMPANY. 
 
 Never read in company. It is your duty to con- 
 tribute to the entertainment of others, and not to 
 slight their efforts to entertain you. 
 
 HABITS TO BE AVOIDED. 
 
 It seems unnecessary to say that you should never 
 scratch your head, pick your teeth, clean your nails 
 or pick your nose in company. 
 
 Never lean your head against the wall, as you may 
 disgust your wife or hostess by soiling the paper of^ 
 her room. 
 
 Do not finger the ornaments of a house where 
 you are calling. These things are to be looked at, 
 not to be handled. 
 
 Never slam a door or stamp noisily on entering a 
 room. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS RULES. 1 57 
 
 ASKING AND RECEIVING A FAVOR. 
 Always request a favor. Never issue a command, 
 even if you have the authority to compel the observ- 
 ance of your wishes. Always recognize a favor, even 
 from an inferior, with courteous thanks. 
 
 REMOVING THE HAT. 
 
 A gentleman never sits in the house with his hat 
 on in the presence of ladies. Indeed, a gentleman 
 instinctively removes his hat as soon as he enters a 
 room the habitual resort of ladies. 
 
 A gentleman never retains his hat in a theatre or 
 other place of public entertainment. 
 
 A gentleman may keep his hat on when handing 
 a lady to a carriage, certain rules of etiquette to the 
 contrary notwithstanding. Indeed, for him to do 
 otherwise, and at the same time give proper assist- 
 ance to the lady, he would find it necessary to have 
 three hands. 
 
 ABSENT-MINDEDNESS. 
 
 Refrain from absent-mindedness in the presence 
 of others. You pay them a poor compliment if you 
 thus forget them. 
 
 TREATMENT OF INFERIORS. 
 
 Never affect superiority. In the company of an 
 inferior never let him feel his inferiority. If you 
 invite an inferior as your guest, treat him with all 
 the politeness and consideration you would show an 
 
158 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 equal. Assumption of superiority is the distinguish- 
 ing trait of a parvenu. 
 
 PUNCTUALITY. 
 
 Always be punctual. You have no right to waste 
 the time of others by making them wait for you. 
 
 UNEASINESS. 
 
 Never be fidgety. No matter how time may drag 
 to you, do not let this be apparent to others by any 
 visible sign of uneasiness. Keep yourself quiet and 
 composed under all circumstances. 
 
 CONSPICUOUS BEHAVIOR. 
 
 Never attract attention to yourself by talking or 
 laughing loudly in a public place. 
 
 COURTESIES TO A LADY. 
 
 Always hand a chair for a lady, pick up her hand- 
 kerchief or glove, and perform any little service she 
 may seem to require. 
 
 INTRUDING ON PRIVACY. 
 
 Never enter a private room anywhere without 
 knocking. Sacredly respect the private property of 
 others, and let no curiosity tempt you to pry into 
 letters, desks, packets, trunks or other belongings of 
 another. It is ill-mannered to read a written paper 
 lying upon a table or desk ; whatever it may be, it is 
 certainly no business of yours. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS RULES. 1 59 
 
 No gentleman or lady will ever look over the 
 shoulder of another who is reading or writing. 
 
 Never question a child or servant upon family 
 affairs. 
 
 Never betray an implied confidence, even if you 
 have not been bound to secrecy. 
 
 ADAPTING YOURSELF TO OTHERS. 
 
 Conform your conduct as far as possible to the 
 company you chance to be with, only do not throw 
 yourself into improper company. It is related of a 
 certain king that he once turned his tea into a saucer 
 and drank it thus because two country ladies whom 
 he was entertaining did so. That king compre- 
 hended the true spirit of a gentleman. It is better 
 even to laugh at and join in with vulgarity, so that 
 it do not degenerate into indecency, than to set 
 yourself up as better and better mannered than 
 those with whom you may chance to be associated. 
 True politeness and genuine good manners often not 
 only permit but absolutely demand a temporary 
 violation of the ordinary obligations of etiquette. 
 
 FORBIDDEN FAMILIARITIES. 
 
 Never address a mere acquaintance by his Chris- 
 tian name. He will have reason to take offence at 
 your presumption. No lady will speak of a gentle- 
 man by his surname without the customary prefix 
 of Mr. 
 
160 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 RUDENESS IN SPEECH. 
 
 Never answer another rudely or impatiently. 
 Reply, and reply courteously, at whatever incon- 
 venience to yourself. 
 
 APOLOGIES. 
 
 Never refuse an apology for an offence, and never 
 hesitate to make one if one is due from you. 
 
 INTRUSIONS. 
 
 Never intrude upon a business man or woman in 
 business hours, unless you yourself mean business. 
 
 PRIVACY IN COMPANY. 
 
 Never engage another in private conversation in 
 the presence of others, nor make mysterious allu- 
 sions which only you and your friend understand. 
 
 SALUTING A GENERAL COMPANY. 
 
 On entering a room bow slightly as a general 
 salutation before speaking to each of the persons 
 assembled. 
 
 Before taking your place at a table, say " Good- 
 morning " or " Good-evening" to those present, 
 especially to host and hostess. 
 
 MENTIONING HUSBAND OR WIFE. 
 
 Never speak of your husband or wife by their 
 initial letter. Among very intimate friends it may 
 
MISCELLANEOUS RULES. l6l 
 
 be allowable to mention them by their Christian 
 names, but among strangers and mere acquaintances 
 
 they should always be referred to as Mr. or Mrs. . 
 
 It is not even allowable to mention them as "my 
 wife " or " my husband." 
 
 NOTICING DEFORMITIES. 
 
 Do not seem to notice by word or glance the 
 deformity of another. 
 
 ADMINISTERING REPROOF. 
 
 To administer reproof to any one in the presence 
 of others is exceedingly impolite. To scold at any 
 time is unwise. 
 
 ECCENTRICITY. 
 
 Do not put on a show of eccentricity for effect. 
 If you really are eccentric in your character, you may 
 not be able to help it, but you should do what you 
 can to disguise the fact in general society, unless the 
 very doing so seems to bring out your eccentricity 
 all the more, as is sometimes the case. 
 
 CONTRADICTION. 
 
 Never directly contradict any one. Say, " I beg 
 your pardon, but I think you are mistaken or misin- 
 formed," or some such similar phrase which shall 
 break the weight of direct contradiction. Where 
 the matter is unimportant it is better to let it pass 
 without correction. 
 11 
 
1 62 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 A WOMAN'S GOOD NAME. 
 
 Let no man speak a word against a woman at 
 any time, or mention a woman's name in any com- 
 pany where it should not be spoken. A person at 
 an English dinner-party once made an after-dinner 
 speech, in which he was loud in his abuse of the 
 sex. When he had concluded, a gentleman whose 
 indignation was aroused remarked : " I hope the 
 gentleman refers to his own mother, wife and sisters, 
 and not to ours." 
 
 " Civility," says Lord Chesterfield, " is particularly 
 due to all women ; and remember that no provoca- 
 tion whatsoever can justify any man in not being civil 
 to every woman ; and the greatest man would j ust- 
 ly be reckoned a brute if he were not civil to the 
 meanest woman. It is due to their sex, and is the 
 only protection they have against the superior 
 strength of ours." 
 
 UNDERTAKING COMMISSIONS. 
 
 Never undertake a commission for a friend and 
 neglect to perform it. 
 
 PRACTICAL JOKES. 
 
 Never play a practical joke upon any one or 
 answer a serious remark by a flippant one. 
 
 BORROWED BOOKS. 
 
 Never lend a borrowed book, and never keep 
 such a book one day after you are done with it. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS RULES. 163 
 
 IMPROPER ACTIONS AND ATTITUDES. 
 
 Never pass between two persons who are talking 
 together ; and never pass before any one when it is 
 possible to pass behind him. When such an act is 
 absolutely necessary, always apologize for so doing. 
 
 No gentleman will stand on the hearth with his 
 back to the fire in the presence of others. 
 
 GOOD MAXIMS. 
 
 Bishop Beveridge says, " Never speak of a man's 
 virtues before his face or his faults behind his back." 
 
 Another maxim is, " In private watch your 
 thoughts; in your family watch your temper; in 
 society watch your tongue." 
 
 POLITENESS. 
 
 Chesterfield says : "As learning, honor and virtue 
 are absolutely necessary to gain you the esteem and 
 admiration of mankind, politeness and good breeding 
 are equally necessary to make you welcome and 
 agreeable in conversation and common life. Great 
 talents, such as honor, virtue, learning and parts, are 
 above the generality of the world, who neither pos- 
 sess them themselves nor judge of them rightly in 
 others. But all people are judges of the lesser 
 talents, such as civility, affability and an obliging, 
 agreeable address and manner, because they feel 
 the good effects of them as making society easy and 
 pleasing." 
 
164 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 WASHINGTON'S MAXIMS. 
 
 Mr. Sparks has given to the public a collection 
 of Washington's directions as to personal conduct, 
 which he called his " Rules of Civility and Decent 
 Behavior in Company." We give these rules entire, 
 as they cannot fail to both interest and profit the 
 reader : 
 
 1. Every action in company ought to be with 
 some sign of respect to those present. 
 
 2. In the presence of others sing not to yourself 
 with a humming voice, nor drum with your fingers 
 or feet. 
 
 3. Speak not when others speak, sit not when 
 others stand and walk not when others stop. 
 
 4. Turn not your back to others, especially in 
 speaking ; jog not the table or desk on which an- 
 other reads or writes ; lean not on any one. 
 
 5. Be no flatterer, neither play with any one that 
 delights not to be played with. 
 
 6. Read no letters, books or papers in company ; 
 but when there is a necessity for doing it, you must 
 not leave. Come not near the books or writings of 
 any one so as to read them unasked ; also look not 
 nigh when another is writing a letter. 
 
 7. Let your countenance be pleasant, but in seri- 
 ous matters somewhat grave. 
 
 8. Show not yourself glad at the misfortune of 
 another, though he were your enemy. 
 
 9. They that are in dignity or office have in all 
 places precedency, but whilst they are young, they 
 
MISCELLANEOUS RULES. 1 6$ 
 
 ought to respect those that are their equals in birth 
 or other qualities, though they have no public 
 charge. 
 
 10. It is good manners to prefer them to whom 
 we speak before ourselves, especially if they be above 
 us, with whom in no sort we ought to begin. 
 
 11. Let your discourse with men of business be 
 short and comprehensive. 
 
 12. In visiting the sick do not presently play the 
 physician if you be not knowing therein. 
 
 13. In writing or speaking give to every person 
 his due title according to his degree and the custom 
 of the place. 
 
 14. Strive not with your superiors in argument, 
 but always submit your judgment to others with 
 modesty. 
 
 15. Undertake not to teach your equal in the art 
 he himself professes ; it savors of arrogancy. 
 
 16. When a man does all he can, though it suc- 
 ceeds not well, blame not him that did it. 
 
 17. Being to advise or reprehend any one, con- 
 sider whether it ought to be in public or in private, 
 presently or at some other time, also in what terms 
 to do it ; and in reproving show no signs of choler 
 but do it with sweetness and mildness. 
 
 1 8. Mock not nor jest at anything of importance; 
 break no jests that are sharp or biting ; and if you 
 deliver anything witty or pleasant, abstain from 
 laughing thereat yourself 
 
 19. Wherein you reprove another be unblamable 
 
1 66 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 yourself, for example is more prevalent than pre- 
 cept. 
 
 20. Use no reproachful language against any one, 
 neither curses nor revilings. 
 
 2 1 . Be not hasty to believe flying reports to the 
 disparagement of any one. 
 
 22. In your apparel be modest, and endeavor to 
 accommodate nature rather than procure admiration. 
 Keep to the fashion of your equals, such as are civil 
 and orderly with respect to time and place. 
 
 23. Play not the peacock, looking everywhere 
 about you to see if you be well decked, if your 
 shoes fit well, if your stockings set neatly and 
 clothes handsomely. 
 
 24. Associate yourself with men of good quality 
 if you esteem your own reputation, for it is better 
 to be alone than in bad company. 
 
 25. Let your conversation be without malice or 
 envy, for it is a sign of tractable and commendable 
 nature ; and in all causes of passion admit reason to 
 govern. 
 
 26. Be not immodest in urging your friend to dis- 
 cover a secret. 
 
 27. Utter not base and frivolous things amongst 
 grown and learned men, nor very difficult questions 
 or subjects amongst the ignorant, nor things hard to 
 be believed. 
 
 28. Speak not of doleful things in time of mirth 
 nor at the table ; speak not of melancholy things, as 
 death and wounds; and if others mention them, 
 
MISCELLANEOUS RULES. 167 
 
 change, if you can, the discourse. Tell not your 
 dreams but to your intimate friends. 
 
 29. Break not a jest when none take pleasure in 
 mirth. Laugh not aloud, nor at all without occasion. 
 Deride no man's misfortunes, though there seem to 
 be some cause. 
 
 30. Speak not injurious words, neither in jest nor 
 earnest. Scoff at none, although they give occa- 
 sion. 
 
 31. Be not forward, but friendly and courteous, 
 the first to salute, hear and answer, and be not pen- 
 sive when it is time to converse. 
 
 32. Detract not from others, but neither be exces- 
 sive in commending. 
 
 33. Go not thither where you know not whether 
 you shall be welcome or not. Give not advice with- 
 out being asked ; and when desired, do it briefly. 
 
 34. If two contend together, take not the part of 
 either unconstrained, and be not obstinate in your 
 opinion ; in things indifferent be of the major side. 
 
 35. Reprehend not the imperfection of others, for 
 that belongs to parents, masters and superiors. 
 
 36. Gaze not on the marks or blemishes of 
 others, and ask not how they came. What you may 
 speak in secret to your friend deliver not before 
 others. 
 
 37. Speak not in an unknown tongue in company, 
 but in your own language ; and that as those of 
 quality do, and not as the vulgar. Sublime matters 
 treat seriously. 
 
1 68 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 38. Think before you speak; pronounce not im- 
 perfectly, nor bring out your words too hastily, but 
 orderly and distinctly. 
 
 39. When another speaks, be attentive yourself, 
 and disturb not the audience. If any hesitate in his 
 words, help him not, nor prompt him without being 
 desired } interrupt him not, nor answer him till his 
 speech be ended. 
 
 40. Treat with men at fit times about business, and 
 whisper not in the company of others. 
 
 41. Make no comparisons ; and if any of the com- 
 pany be commended for any brave act of virtue, com- 
 mend not another for the same. 
 
 42. Be not apt to relate news if you know not the 
 truth thereof. In discoursing of things you have 
 heard, name not your author always. A secret dis- 
 cover not. 
 
 43. Be not curious to know the affairs of others, 
 neither approach to those that speak in private. 
 
 44. Undertake not what you cannot perform ; but 
 be careful to keep your promise. 
 
 45. When you deliver a matter, do it without pas- 
 sion and indiscretion, however mean the person may 
 be you do it to. 
 
 46. When your superiors talk to anybody, hear 
 them ; neither speak nor laugh. 
 
 47. In disputes be not so desirous to overcome 
 as not to give liberty to each one to deliver his 
 opinion, and submit to the judgment of the major 
 part, especially if they are judges of the dispute. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS RULES. 169 
 
 48. Be not tedious in discourse, make not many 
 digressions, nor repeat often the same matter of 
 discourse. 
 
 49. Speak no evil of the absent, for it is unjust. 
 
 50. Be not angry at table, whatever happens ; and 
 if you have reason to be so show it not ; put on a 
 cheerful countenance, especially if there be strangers, 
 for good humor makes one dish a feast. 
 
 51. Set not yourself at the upper end of the 
 table; but if it be your due, or the master of 
 the house will have it so, contend not, lest you 
 should trouble the company. 
 
 52. When you speak of God or his attributes, let 
 it be seriously, in reverence and honor, and obey 
 your natural parents. 
 
 53. Let your recreations be manful, not sinful. 
 
 54. Labor to keep alive in your breast that little 
 spark of celestial fire called conscience. 
 
CHAPTER XIV. 
 ETIQUETTE OF CARD-PLAYING. 
 
 NEVER urge any one who seems to be unwill- 
 ing to play a game of cards. They may have 
 conscientious scruples in the matter which must be 
 respected. 
 
 REFUSING TO PLAY. 
 
 It is not kind, however, to refuse to play, if con- 
 science does not dictate the refusal, when a game 
 cannot be made up without you. 
 
 UNDERSTANDING THE GAME. 
 
 Do not attempt to play, however, unless you know 
 the game moderately well, for it is especially unjust, 
 if you have a partner, to allow him or her to suffer 
 through your ignorance. 
 
 PRECEDENCE IN CARDS. 
 
 In a game of cards married and elderly people 
 take the precedence over young and unmarried 
 ones. 
 
 PROPOSING A GAME OF CARDS. 
 
 It is the privilege of the host and hostess to sug- 
 gest cards as a means of amusement for their guests. 
 
 170 
 
ETIQUETTE OF CARD-PLAYING. I?l 
 
 The latter should never call for them. On the othei 
 hand, cards should not be brought out at every 
 visit, because some might prefer conversation to 
 playing. 
 
 It is best in large assemblages to furnish the 'cards 
 and tables, and allow the guests to play or not at 
 their option, now and then exercising a little friendly 
 aid in seeking for people disposed to play in making 
 up a game. 
 
 NEW CARDS. 
 New cards should be provided on every occasion. 
 
 HUSBAND AND WIFE PLAYING TOGETHER. 
 
 Husband and wife should not play together in 
 the same game, either as partners or antagonists, 
 for they are so well acquainted with each other's 
 modes of playing that they possess an unfair ad- 
 vantage over others. 
 
 CHEATING AT CARDS. 
 
 Never violate the rules of a game, and by all 
 means never be guilty of cheating. If, however, you 
 detect another guilty of either of these breaches of 
 good manners, either point out the error or the in- 
 tentional wrong in a quiet manner or let it pass. 
 
 Never get excited or lose your temper. People 
 who are liable to these irregularities had best abstain 
 from playing altogether. 
 
OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 "WHIST." 
 
 Do not keep up a continuous conversation during 
 a game, which will distract your own mind and that 
 of others from the cards. Give your whole attention 
 to the matter in hand, and procure at least compara- 
 tive silence. "Whist" is defined in Webster "a 
 game of cards so called because it requires silence 
 and close attention." 
 
 HASTE IN PLAYING. 
 
 Never hurry any one who is playing. It is neces- 
 sary, in playing their best, that they should take 
 their own time without interruption. 
 
 BETTING AT CARDS. 
 
 Betting at cards is vulgar and something to be 
 avoided. The habits of English society, however, 
 sanction the staking of small sums, but even this is 
 to be discountenanced as far as may be. 
 
 MEDDLING WITH THE CARDS. 
 
 Never finger the cards whilst they are being dealt. 
 Not only do not actually look at the cards before 
 they are all dealt out, but do not seem to do so. Let 
 your cards lie before you until all are dealt and you 
 are at liberty to take them in your hand. 
 
 CHESS AND OTHER GAMES. 
 
 The rules of etiquette concerning cards apply with 
 
ETIQUETTE OF CARD-PLAYING. 1 73 
 
 equal force to chess and all other games of skill or 
 chance. 
 
 KNOWLEDGE OF CARDS AND OTHER GAMES. 
 
 It is desirable, unless we have religious scruples 
 in the matter, that we should all have a tolerable 
 knowledge of these various games, in order that we 
 may contribute to the amusement of others, and not 
 run the risk of being accused of being selfish and 
 impolite. 
 II 
 
CHAPTER XV. 
 
 ETIQUETTE OF VISITING-CARDS. 
 
 are certain special regulations concern- 
 -L ing visiting-cards which it is desirable that 
 every one should know. 
 
 FASHION OF VISITING-CARDS. 
 
 There is no invariable fashion as to their size and 
 shape. At one time they may be long, narrow, 
 small and glazed; at another large, square and 
 unglazed. But one thing good breeding insists 
 upon, and that is that they must always be plain. 
 There must be no stamped ornamentation, no device 
 or flourish of writing, and no printed or engraved 
 border. The name in the centre, with the residence 
 at the left-hand corner, is all that is needed. 
 
 There should be no special parade of titles, though 
 M. D. may follow a physician's name, and an army 
 or navy officer may use his title if he chooses. 
 Whether he uses or omits it, U. S. A. should follow 
 underneath the name, a little to the right. 
 
 Cards should be engraved in plain Italian script, 
 not printed, and by all means never written. People 
 
 174 
 
ETIQUETTE OF VISITING-CARDS. 1 75 
 
 do not care, as a general thing, to collect the auto- 
 graphs of ordinary friends and acquaintances. 
 
 No person of taste will display his or her photo- 
 graph upon a carte de visite. 
 
 Black-bordered cards are for persons in mourning. 
 
 In visiting a strange city a person may draw a 
 pencil line under his proper address and add his 
 temporary address in writing in the right-hand 
 corner. 
 
 Young ladies may have cards separate from their 
 mother's, or have their name added to and under- 
 neath their mother's on the latter's cards. 
 
 TURNING DOWN THE CORNER OF A CARD. 
 
 Turning down the corner of a visiting-card indi- 
 cates that the visit was intended for two or more 
 members of the family. 
 
 P. P. C. 
 
 P. P. C. \_pour prendre conge], written in the right- 
 hand corner, indicates a farewell visit. 
 
 CARDS WITH BOUQUETS. 
 
 Gentlemen sending flowers or other presents to 
 ladies should always attach a card bearing the lady's 
 name, and over it write their own name, with the 
 preface, " with compliments of ." 
 
176 OUR BEHAVIOR, 
 
 CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. 
 
 Christmas gifts should be marked with the card 
 of the giver. 
 
 BORROWED BOOKS. 
 
 Borrowed books or music when returned should 
 be accompanied with the card of the borrower. 
 
 VISITING-CARD OF MARRIED LADY. 
 
 The visiting-card of a married lady usually gives 
 her husband's name with the prefix " Mrs." attached. 
 Thus : " Mrs. David Evans," instead of " Mrs. Emma 
 G. Evans," though custom is beginning to sanction 
 the latter when the lady has sufficient personal im- 
 portance to be known separate from her husband. 
 A lady in that case frequently gives her maiden 
 name in full, thus : " Mrs. Emma Gates Evans." 
 
 A lady in adopting her husband's name cannot 
 use his title also. Dr. John Brown's wife is not 
 Mrs. Dr. John Brown, or even Mrs. John Brown, 
 M.D., but plain Mrs. John Brown. The wife of a 
 Congressman is not a Mrs. Hon. or an Hon. Mrs., 
 nor is the wife of a clergyman a Mrs. Rev. 
 
 CARDS OF CONGRATULATION OR CONDOLENCE. 
 
 A birth, marriage or death in the family of a 
 friend or acquaintance calls for a card within a 
 week. 
 
 ADDRESS ON VISITING-CARD. 
 
 A visiting-card must bear the place of residence, 
 and not the business address. 
 
ETIQUETTE OF VISITING-CARDS. 
 
 Miss, MRS. AND MR. 
 
 Unmarried ladies may prefix Miss to their names 
 or not, as they choose. Married ladies should 
 always prefix Mrs. Gentlemen may use Mr. or 
 omit it, at their option. 
 
 A husband's and wife's card may be united thus : 
 " Mr. and Mrs. George Nelson." 
 U 
 
PART II. 
 
 WASHINGTON ETIQUETTE AND ETIQUETTE OF 
 FOREIGN COURTS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 SOCIAL ETIQUETTE AT WASHINGTON. 
 
 THE wife of the chief-justice, and not the wife 
 of the President, is the first lady in the land, 
 and takes precedence of all others. She holds recep- 
 tions and receives calls, but she alone is excluded 
 from all duty of returning calls. 
 
 The life of a lady in society at Washington is ex- 
 ceedingly onerous, and more especially so if she be 
 the wife of any official. 
 
 Next in rank comes the wife of the President. 
 
 SOCIAL DUTIES OF THE PRESIDENT. 
 
 It is made the duty of the President to give sev- 
 eral state dinners and official receptions during each 
 session of Congress. Besides these, there are the 
 general receptions, at which time the White House 
 is open to the public and every citizen of the United 
 
 178 
 
SOCIAL ETIQUETTE AT WASHINGTON. 1/9 
 
 States has a recognized right to pay his respects to 
 the President. 
 
 PRESIDENTIAL RECEPTIONS. 
 
 On the days of the regular " levees " the doors of 
 the White House are thrown open, and the world 
 is indiscriminately invited to enter them. 
 
 No " court "-dress is required to make one pre- 
 sentable at this republican court, but every one 
 dresses according to his or her own means, taste or 
 fancy. The fashionable carriage- or walking-dress 
 is seen side by side with the uncouth homespun and 
 homemade of the backwoodsman and his wife. 
 
 Neither are there any forms and ceremonies to be 
 complied with in gaining admittance to the presi- 
 dential presence. You enter, an official announces 
 you, and you proceed directly to the President 
 and his lady and pay your respects. They exchange 
 a few words with you, and then you pass on, to make 
 room for the throng that is pressing behind you. 
 You loiter about the rooms for a short time, chat- 
 ting with acquaintances or watching the shifting 
 panorama of faces, and then you go quietly out, 
 and the levee is ended for you. 
 
 PRIVATE CALL UPON THE PRESIDENT. 
 
 If any one wishes to make a private call upon the 
 President, he will find it necessary to secure the 
 company and influence of some official or special 
 friend of the President. Otherwise, though he will 
 
l8o OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 be readily admitted to the White House, he will 
 probably fail in obtaining a personal interview. 
 
 SOCIAL DUTIES OF CABINET OFFICERS AND THEIR 
 FAMILIES. 
 
 The ladies of the family of a Cabinet officer must 
 hold receptions every Wednesday during the season 
 from two or three o'clock to half-past five. On these 
 occasions the houses must be open to all who choose 
 to call. Refreshments and an extra number of ser- 
 vants are provided. The refreshments for these re- 
 ceptions may be plain, consisting of chocolate, tea, 
 cakes, etc. 
 
 Every one who has called and left a card at a 
 Wednesday reception is entitled to two acknowledg- 
 ments of the call. The first must be a returning of 
 the call by the ladies of the family, who at the same 
 time leave the official card of the minister. The 
 second acknowledgment of the call is an invitation 
 to an evening reception. 
 
 The visiting-list of the family of a Cabinet minis- 
 ter cannot contain less than two or three thousand 
 names. 
 
 Cabinet officers are also expected to entertain at 
 dinners Senators, Representatives, justices of the 
 Supreme Court, the diplomatic corps, and many 
 other public officers, with the ladies of their families. 
 
 The season proper for receptions is from the first 
 of January to the beginning of Lent. The season 
 for dinners lasts until the adjournment of Congress. 
 
SOCIAL ETIQUETTE AT WASHINGTON. l8l 
 
 The President is not expected to offer refresh- 
 ments to the crowds who attend his receptions. 
 The Vice-president and Speaker of the House are 
 also freed from the expense of feeding the hungry 
 public. 
 
 SOCIAL DUTIES OF CONGRESSMEN AND THEIR 
 FAMILIES. 
 
 It is optional with Senators and Representatives, 
 as with all officers except the President and members 
 of the Cabinet, whether they shall " entertain." 
 
 There is a vast expense in all this, but that is not 
 all. The labor and fatigue which society imposes 
 upon the ladies of the family of a Cabinet officer are 
 fairly appalling. To stand for hours during recep- 
 tions at her own house, to stand at a series of enter- 
 tainments at the houses of others whose invitations 
 courtesy requires should be accepted, and to return 
 in person all the calls made upon her, are a few of 
 the duties of the wife of a high official. It is doubt- 
 ful if her husband, with the cares of state, leads so 
 really laborious a life. 
 
 In Washington society one end of a card turned 
 down denotes a call in person. 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 FOREIGN TITLES. 
 
 WE have no titles in this country, or rather we 
 have so many, and they are so indiscriminately 
 worn, that they are wellnigh worthless. We have, at 
 least, no orders of nobility ; nevertheless, as our citi- 
 zens are constantly visiting foreign countries, it is 
 well to understand something of titles and ranks 
 and their contingent orders of precedence. 
 
 ROYALTY. 
 
 In England, as is well known, the king and queen 
 are placed at the apex of the social structure. The 
 mode by which they are addressed is in the form 
 " Your Majesty." 
 
 The prince of Wales, the heir-apparent to the 
 throne, stands second in dignity. The other chil- 
 dren are all known during their minority as princes 
 and princesses. The eldest princess is called the 
 crown princess. Upon their majority the younger 
 sons have the title of duke bestowed upon them and 
 the daughters retain that of princesses, adding to 
 that the title of their husbands. They are all desig- 
 nated as " Their Royal Highnesses." 
 
 182 
 
FOREIGN TITLES. 183 
 
 NOBILITY. 
 
 A duke who inherits the title from his father 
 stands one grade below a royal duke. The wife of 
 a duke is known as a duchess. They are both ad- 
 dressed as " Your Grace." The eldest son is a mar- 
 quis until he inherits the higher title of his father. 
 His wife is a marchioness. The younger sons are 
 lords by courtesy, and the daughters are distin- 
 guished by having " Lady " prefixed to their Chris- 
 tian names. 
 
 Earls and barons are both spoken of as lords 
 and their wives as ladies, though the latter are by 
 right respectively countesses and baronesses. The 
 daughters of the former are " ladies," the younger 
 sons of both " honorables." The earl occupies the 
 higher position of the two in the peerage. 
 
 These complete the list of nobility, unless we in- 
 clude bishops, who are lords in right of their eccle- 
 siastical office, but whose title is not hereditary. 
 
 All these are entitled to seats in the upper house 
 of Parliament. 
 
 GENTRY. 
 
 Baronets, who are known as " Sir," and whose wives, 
 in common with those of a higher order, receive 
 the title of lady, are only commoners of a higher 
 degree, though there are families who have borne 
 their title for many successive generations who 
 would not exchange it for a recently created 
 peerage. 
 
1 84 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 A clergyman, by right of his calling, stands on 
 an equality with all commoners, a bishop with all 
 -eers. 
 
 ESQUIRE. 
 
 The title of esquire, which is brought into such 
 general use in this country that it has come to 
 mean nothing whatever save an empty compliment, 
 has special significance in England. The following 
 in that country have a legal right to the title : 
 
 The sons of peers, whether known in common 
 conversation as lords or honorables. 
 
 The eldest sons of peers' sons, and their eldest 
 sons in perpetual succession. 
 
 All the sons of baronets. 
 
 The esquires of the Knights of the Bath. 
 
 Lords of manors, chiefs of clans and other tenants 
 of the crown in capite are esquires by prescription. 
 
 Esquires created to that rank by patent, and 
 their eldest sons in perpetual succession. 
 
 Esquires by office, such as justices of the peace 
 while on the roll, mayors of towns during mayor- 
 alty and sheriffs of counties (who retain the title 
 for life). 
 
 Members of the House of Commons. 
 
 Barristers-at-law. 
 
 Bachelors of divinity, law and physic. 
 
 All who, in commissions signed by the sovereign, 
 are ever styled esquires retain that designation ior 
 life. 
 
FOREIGN TITLES. 18$ 
 
 IMPERIAL RANK. 
 
 Emperors and empresses rank higher than kings. 
 The sons and daughters of the emperor of Austria 
 are called archdukes and archduchesses, the names 
 being handed down from the time when the ruler 
 of that country claimed himself no higher title than 
 that of archduke. The emperor of Russia is known 
 as the czar, the name being identical with the 
 Roman caesar and the German kaiser. The heir- 
 apparent to the Russian throne is the czarowitch. 
 
 EUROPEAN TITLES. 
 
 Titles in continental Europe are so common and 
 so frequently unsustained by landed and moneyed 
 interests that they have not that significance which 
 they hold in England. A count may be a penni- 
 less scamp, depending upon the gambling-table for 
 a precarious subsistence, and looking out for the 
 chance of making a wealthy marriage. It is sor- 
 rowful and humiliating to know that there are many 
 American girls who are willing to forego the right 
 of being republican queens and to sell themselves 
 and their fortunes to a foreign adventurer for the 
 privilege of being known as countesses or baronesses. 
 
 A German baron may be a good, substantial, un- 
 pretending man, something after the manner of an 
 American farmer. A German prince or duke, since 
 the absorption of the smaller principalities of Ger- 
 many by Prussia, may have nothing left him but a 
 barren title and a meagre rent-roll. The Italian 
 
1 86 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 prince is even of less account than the German 
 one, since his rent-roll is too frequently lacking 
 altogether, and his only inheritance may be a grand 
 but decayed palace, without means sufficient to keep 
 it in repair or furnish it properly. 
 
 Yet not all foreign titles are worthless and un- 
 meaning, nor are all those bearing them swindlers or 
 adventurers. There is only one rule to guide a 
 stranger in these matters : let him look to the indi- 
 vidual direct and judge of his character impartially, 
 without allowing himself to be dazzled by the glitter 
 of a fine-sounding title and a long-descended coat-of- 
 arms. If the title is found to become him, so much 
 the better. 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 PRESENTATION AT COURT. 
 
 IF is frequently a satisfaction to an American to 
 be presented to the queen during a sojourn in 
 England. It is at least something to talk about 
 when one returns home ; and as the queen is really 
 a good woman, worthy of all honor, we, even as a 
 born republican, can find no valid cause for objection. 
 
 THOSE ELIGIBLE TO PRESENTATION AT COURT. 
 
 The nobility, with their wives and daughters, are 
 eligible to presentation at court unless there be some 
 grave moral objection, in which case, as it has ever 
 been the aim of the good and virtuous queen to 
 maintain a high standard of morality within her 
 court, the objectionable parties are rigidly excluded. 
 
 The clergy, naval and military officers, physicians 
 and barristers and the squirearchy, with their wives 
 and daughters, have also a right to pay their per- 
 sonal respects to their queen. 
 
 THOSE NOT ELIGIBLE. 
 
 Those of more democratic professions, such as 
 solicitors, merchants and mechanics, have not, as a 
 
 187 
 
188 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 rule, that right, though wealth and connexion have 
 recently proved an open sesame at the gates of St. 
 James. 
 
 THOSE WHO MAY PRESENT OTHERS. 
 
 Any person who has been presented at court may 
 present a friend in his or her turn. A person wish- 
 ing to be presented must beg the favor from the 
 friend or relative of the highest rank he or she may 
 possess. 
 
 PRELIMINARIES TO PRESENTATION. 
 
 Any nobleman or gentleman who proposes to 
 be presented to the queen must leave at the lord 
 chamberlain's office before twelve o'clock, two days 
 before the levee, a card with his name written there- 
 on, and with the name of the nobleman or gentle- 
 man by whom he is to be presented. In order to 
 carry out the existing regulation that no presenta- 
 tion can be made at a levee excepting by a person 
 actually attending that levee, it is also necessary 
 that a letter from the nobleman or gentleman who is 
 to make the presentation, stating it to be his inten- 
 tion to be present, should accompany the presenta- 
 tion card above referred to, which will be submitted 
 to the queen for Her Majesty's approbation. These 
 regulations of the lord chamberlain must be im- 
 plicitly obeyed. 
 
 Directions at what gate to enter and where the 
 carriages are to stop are always printed in the news- 
 papers. 
 
PRESENTATION AT COURT. 189 
 
 These directions apply with equal force to ladies 
 and to gentlemen. 
 
 PRESENTATION COSTUME. 
 
 The person to be presented must provide himself 
 or herself with a court costume, which need not be 
 particularly described here, but which for men con- 
 sists partly of knee-breeches and hose, for women 
 of an ample court train. These costumes are indis- 
 pensable, and can be hired for the occasion. 
 
 THE PRESENTATION. 
 
 It is desirable to be early to escape the crowd. 
 When the lady leaves her carriage, she must leave 
 everything in the shape of a cloak or scarf behind 
 her. Her train must be carefully folded over her 
 left arm as she enters the long gallery of St. James, 
 where she awaits her turn for presentation. 
 
 The lady is at length ushered into the presence- 
 chamber, which is entered by two doors. She goes 
 in at the one indicated to her, dropping her train as 
 she passes the threshold, which train is instantly 
 spread out by the wands of the lords-in-waiting. 
 The lady then walks forward toward the sovereign 
 or the person who represents the sovereign. The 
 card on which her name is inscribed is then handed 
 to another lord-in-waiting, who reads the name 
 aloud. 
 
 When she arrives just before His or Her Majesty, 
 
I OX) OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 she should curtsey as low as possible, so as to 
 almost kneel. 
 
 If the lady presented be a peeress or peer's daugh- 
 ter, the queen kisses her on her forehead. If only a 
 commoner, then the queen extends her hand to be 
 kissed by the lady presented, who, having done so, 
 rises, curtseys to each of the other members of the 
 royal family present, and then passes on. She must 
 keep her face turned toward the sovereign as she 
 goes to and through the door leading from the pres- 
 ence-chamber. Considerable dexterity is required 
 in managing the train in this backward transit, and 
 it is well to rehearse the scene beforehand. 
 
 RIGHTS OF PEERS AND PEERESSES. 
 
 Peeresses in their own right, as well as peers, may 
 demand a private audience of their sovereign. 
 
PART III. 
 
 ETIQUETTE OF SPECIAL CEREMONIALS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 WEDDING ETIQUETTE. 
 
 FIRST in importance among special ceremonials 
 comes the wedding. It is the culminating point 
 of happiness in life, to which all before it tends, from 
 which all afterward recedes. 
 
 So varied are the circumstances under which 
 weddings take place and so numerous are the relig- 
 ious forms observed in their solemnization that it is 
 impossible to lay down strict rules applicable to all 
 cases. 
 
 Therefore it is expedient to describe that form of 
 marriage which recognizes the fullest forms and the 
 greatest number of attendant ceremonials, and all 
 others can be modeled more or less after it, as the 
 needs of the occasion require. 
 
 FIXING THE DAY. 
 It is the lady's privilege to fix the wedding-day. 
 
 191 
 
192 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 MARRIAGE SETTLEMENTS. 
 
 Next in order come the pecuniary arrangements 
 incident to a marriage when either or both of the 
 parties possess wealth. In England the laws con- 
 cerning the property of married women are far more 
 unjust than those of this country; therefore in that 
 country a settlement upon the bride is the only 
 means by which to secure her a future free from 
 want in case of widowhood. Even here it seems 
 desirable that there should always be some special 
 arrangement to secure certain and impartial justice 
 to the wife, as the laws cannot be implicitly trusted. 
 An English authority gives some excellent advice 
 on this point which is equally applicable here. He 
 says : " During the arrangement of pecuniary mat- 
 ters a young lady should endeavor to understand 
 what is going on, receiving it in a right spirit. If 
 she has a fortune, she should in all points left to her 
 be generous and confiding, at the same time prudent. 
 Many a man, she should remember, may abound in 
 excellent qualities and yet be improvident. He may 
 mean to do well, yet have a passion for building ; he 
 may be the very soul of good nature, yet fond of the 
 gaming-table; he may have no wrong propensities 
 of that sort, and yet have a confused notion of 
 accounts and be one of those men who muddle 
 away a great deal of money no one knows how ; or 
 he may be a too strict economist, a man who takes 
 too good care of the pence, till he tries your very 
 
WEDDING ETIQUETTE. 193 
 
 life out about an extra queen's head ; or he may be 
 facile and weakly good-natured, and have a friend 
 who preys on him and for whom he is disposed to 
 become security. Finally, the beloved Charles 
 Henry or Reginald may have none of these propen- 
 sities, but may chance to be an honest merchant or 
 a tradesman with all his floating capital in business, 
 and a consequent risk of being one day rich, the 
 next pauper. 
 
 " Upon every account, therefore, it is desirable for 
 a young lady to have a settlement on her, and she 
 should not, from a weak spirit of romance, oppose 
 her friends who advise it, since it is for her hus- 
 band's advantage as well as her own. By making 
 a settlement there is always a fund which cannot 
 be touched a something, however small, as a pro- 
 vision for a wife and children; and whether she 
 have fortune or not, this ought to be made. An 
 allowance for dress should also be arranged, and 
 this should be administered in such a way that a 
 wife should not have to ask for it at inconvenient 
 hours, and thus irritate her husband." 
 
 THE TROUSSEAU. 
 
 The trousseau is an important consideration to 
 the bride-elect. It consists of a complete stock of 
 apparel sufficient to last her during the first few years 
 of her married life. 
 
 It seems unfortunate that the weeks preceding 
 the great event of a woman's life should be so 
 
 13 
 
194 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 filled with care, hurry and worry. It would almost 
 be better to do without the trousseau entirely and 
 allow the lady to be married with her ordinary 
 belongings, which are always supposed to be suffi- 
 cient for immediate needs, than to have these weeks, 
 which should be spent in calm and quiet, so dis- 
 turbed. It is hoped that sensible people will give 
 their attention to this matter, and by good exam- 
 ple serve to repeal the iron law of custom. 
 
 BRIDAL PRESENTS. 
 
 Bridal presents are sent from two weeks to a 
 week previous to the day of the marriage cere- 
 mony. They are always sent to the bride, and are 
 most commonly some article of jewelry or plate, 
 though there is no law in regard to this matter. 
 Handsome shawls, delicate laces, and even checks, 
 may be included. It is considered in a measure 
 obligatory upon all relatives and immediate friends 
 of the happy pair to remember them on this occa- 
 sion, also upon all those who have already been re- 
 membered by them in like manner. 
 
 This is an onerous tax upon society ; and it is to 
 be hoped that the better sense of community will 
 yet prevail, and wedding presents be recognized 
 as spontaneous rather than obligatory gifts. The 
 surest way to accomplish this would be to receive 
 the gifts privately and refuse to put them upon exhi- 
 bition. 
 
WEDDING ETIQUETTE. 1 95 
 
 However, as custom now is, the presents are ar- 
 ranged in an apartment for display before the wed- 
 ding-guests. 
 
 LAST VISITS BEFORE MARRIAGE. 
 
 When the wedding-day is near at hand, the bride 
 pays, in company with her mother, her last maiden 
 visits to all those acquaintances whom she wishes to 
 retain after marriage. If the list is too large to pay 
 these visits personally, a card may be made to do 
 duty for a call, and the letters P. P. C. (pour prendre 
 conge to take leave) are engraved on the right-hand 
 corner. These visits should be made before the wed- 
 ding-cards are sent out. 
 
 WEDDING-CARDS. 
 
 It is impossible to lay down any strict rule re- 
 garding wedding-cards, as the size and shape of the 
 cards and envelope and the forms of invitation are 
 constantly varying. 
 
 In the latest form of invitation we have seen used 
 in the highest circles the parents of the bride invited 
 the desired guest to be present at the ceremony of 
 the marriage of their daughter, giving the name of 
 the bridegroom in full, the name of the church where 
 the ceremony was to take place, the day and hour, 
 and the name of the clergyman who was to solemn- 
 ize the marriage. 
 
 The invitation may be much briefer if desired, and 
 may read as follows : 
 
196 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 The Marriage of 
 Mary Alice Brown 
 
 to 
 
 William Henry Dray ton 
 
 Will be solemnized at the 
 
 Church of the Epiphany, 
 
 On Thursday, February first, at 
 
 Twelve o* clock, 
 
 A. D. 1875. 
 
 The invitation is printed on the finest English white 
 note paper. 
 
 WEDDING-RECEPTION CARD. 
 
 Accompanying it is the wedding-reception card 
 issued by the parents of the bride, which is in the 
 usual form of ceremonious invitations, with the ex- 
 ception that " at the wedding-reception of their 
 daughter " takes the place of the ordinary phrase 
 relating to dinner-party or soiree. It also gives the 
 hours during which the reception is held. 
 
 In the same envelope with the invitation and re- 
 ception-card may be a card announcing the recep- 
 tion-days of the bride and bridegroom ; their form 
 may be simply as follows : 
 
 Reception, 
 
 Wednesdays in March. 
 1756 Arch Street. 
 
 Usually accompanying these are smaller cards beat 
 ing the names of the bride and bridegroom. 
 
WEDDING ETIQUETTE. ig? 
 
 Upon the wedding invitations may be the letters 
 .R. S. V. P. (repondez s'il vous plait\ signifying that 
 an answer is requested. In this case a prompt an- 
 swer, accepting or declining the invitation, should be 
 returned. 
 
 Still another card a card of admission to the 
 church is now found necessary. 
 
 WEDDING-ENVELOPES. 
 
 The invitation and accompanying cards should 
 all be enclosed in an envelope of the finest English 
 white paper. The monogram, arms or crest should 
 appear on the envelope, either embossed or in black 
 or silver. On this envelope the name alone of the 
 person to whom it is sent should be written, and 
 the envelope with its contents should be enclosed in 
 a second envelope, upon which the name of the per- 
 son to whom it is to be sent, with the full address, 
 should be written. 
 
 Wedding- invitations should be entrusted to the 
 post only when it is impossible to deliver them in 
 any other manner. 
 
 The parents of the bride furnish the notes or cards 
 of invitation and their daughter's card. The gentle- 
 man furni. hes his own. 
 
 To all whom it is desired to retain as acquaintances 
 after the wedding is sent the card of the bridal pair, 
 thus : " Mr. and Mrs. William Henry Drayton." 
 This card may contain beneath the names their place 
 of residence, i f desired. 
 
198 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 If the newly-married pair propose to give a regu- 
 lar reception, or if any special day in each week is 
 set apart for reception of callers, the card should 
 announce this fact by giving the day or days and 
 the hour. In the same envelope containing this 
 card should be a smaller one, bearing the maiden 
 name of the bride. 
 
 These cards should be enclosed in a handsome 
 envelope bearing a silver monogram. 
 
 BRIDESMAIDS AND GROOMSMEN. 
 
 The bridesmaids may be from two to eight in 
 number. The bridegroom is attended by an equal 
 number of groomsmen. 
 
 BRIDAL BOUQUETS. 
 
 The bride's dress is always of white, and her bou- 
 quet should be of exclusively white flowers, such 
 as gardenias, white azalias or camellias, intermixed 
 with orange-flowers. It is the privilege of the " best 
 man " to present this to the bride. 
 
 It is a delicate attention for the bridegroom to 
 present a bouquet to his future mother-in-law. 
 This may be of delicately-colored flowers. 
 
 The bridesmaids should each be furnished with 
 bouquets of white and delicately-tinted flowers, pre- 
 sented by the parents of the bride. 
 
WEDDING ETIQUETTE. 1 99 
 
 DRESS OF BRIDESMAIDS. 
 
 The bridesmaids are usually dressed in white 
 trimmed with some delicate color. The color of the 
 trimming should be alike for all. 
 
 DRESS OF BRIDEGROOM. 
 
 The bridegroom's dress should differ little from 
 his full morning costume. Black or dark-blue frock- 
 coat, light trowsers and necktie, light or white vest 
 and white gloves, with flowers in the buttonhole of 
 his coat, is the conventional costume. The grooms- 
 men are similarly dressed. 
 
 AT THE CHURCH. 
 
 The bride drives to the church in the same car- 
 riage with her parents, and meets there the bride- 
 groom, who has arrived before her with his friends 
 and relatives, and who assists her to alight. 
 
 The bridesmaids and groomsmen should be already 
 waiting. 
 
 The front seats of the body of the church should 
 be reserved for the immediate friends of the young 
 couple. 
 
 The spectators should be all assembled and the 
 clergyman within the rails when the bride reaches 
 the church. 
 
 The last bridesmaid and groomsman walk up the 
 aisle first, followed by the others. The bride then 
 enters, leaning upon her father's arm, and after her 
 the groom, escorting the bride's mother. 
 
200 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 This order of procession may be reversed, the 
 bride and groom entering first, either together or 
 with the father and mother of the bride. 
 
 ARRANGEMENT BEFORE THE ALTAR. 
 
 The bride and bridegroom take their places im- 
 mediately in front of the altar, the bride on the left 
 The bridesmaids either group themselves behind her 
 or stand on one side. The groomsmen maintain a 
 like relative position with the bridegroom. 
 
 DUTIES OF FIRST GROOMSMAN. 
 
 To the first groomsman is entrusted all the control 
 of affairs. And it is well if he settle the pecuniary 
 matters attendant upon the marriage with the clergy- 
 man and others before the arrival of the bride, to 
 save confusion or inconvenience afterward. The 
 groomsman conducts the visitors up to the young 
 couple after the ceremonies to congratulate them. 
 He engages the carriages and makes all arrange- 
 ments. He attends the bridal pair to the depot as 
 they start on the wedding-trip, secures their seats 
 purchases their tickets and checks their baggage. 
 
 THE WEDDING-RING. 
 
 The wedding-ring should be of eighteen-karat 
 gold, weighing not less than eight pennyweights, 
 and of the half round pattern. In the inside should 
 be engraved the initials of the bridal pair, with date 
 of their marriage. 
 
WEDDING ETIQUETTE. 2OI 
 
 The bride takes off the glove of her left hand and 
 gives it to the first bridesmaid to hold in order that 
 she may have the wedding-ring placed upon her 
 finger. The groom removes the glove from his right 
 hand for the purpose of bestowing the ring. 
 
 AFTER THE CEREMONY. 
 
 After the ceremony the parents of the bride speak 
 to her first ; next to them the parents of the groom. 
 
 Upon leaving the church the newly-married pair 
 take the precedence; after them their immediate 
 friends, and then the company generally. 
 
 It is quite customary, after the guests are all seated, 
 to pass a line of white ribbon down before the doors 
 of the pews in order to prevent any confusion of 
 taking or leaving seats while the ceremony is in pro- 
 gress. This ribbon is removed after the bridal-party 
 has left the church. Or the ribbon may be passed 
 across the aisles after the invited guests have all ar- 
 rived and taken their seats. 
 
 MARRIAGE-FEES. 
 
 A rich man may give to the officiating clergyman 
 any sum from five dollars to five hundred, according 
 as his liberality dictates. A person of moderate 
 means may give from five dollars to twenty. 
 
 WEDDING-RECEPTION. 
 
 At the wedding-reception, held at the bride's pa- 
 rents, the guests offer their congratulations. On 
 
2O2 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 going forward to congratulate the happy couple they 
 should address the bride first if they have had any 
 previous acquaintance with her, then the bride- 
 groom, then the bridesmaids, and after them the 
 parents and family of the bride and groom. If they 
 are acquainted with the bridegroom and not with the 
 bride, let them address him first, when he will intro- 
 duce them to his bride. They should congratulate 
 the bridegroom and give their good wishes to the 
 bride. 
 
 If there is a breakfast, dinner or supper, the bride 
 does not change her dress until afterward. 
 
 THE WEDDING-FEAST. 
 
 The refreshment- table is made brilliant with flowers. 
 The wedding or bride's cake is an important adjunct 
 of the feast. If there is no regular breakfast given, 
 cake and wine are passed among the guests. 
 
 DRESS AT A WEDDING. 
 
 One should not wear mourning at a wedding. 
 Even when black is habitually worn, it should give 
 place, for the time being, to gray or some neutral 
 tint. 
 
 WEDDING- PARTIES. 
 
 If parties are given to the newly-married couple, 
 the bridesmaids and groomsmen are also invited, 
 and all may, if they choose, wear their wedding- 
 dresses. 
 
WEDDING ETIQUETTE. 203 
 
 WEDDING-CALLS. 
 
 Wedding-calls should be returned within two or 
 three weeks by all who have received wedding- 
 cards. 
 
 WEDDING-PRESENTS. 
 
 It is customary for the bride to make her brides- 
 maids a present on the morning of the marriage. It 
 is imperative that they shall make her a bridal-gift 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 
 
 THE celebration of anniversaries of the wedding- 
 day is a very pleasant custom which is coming 
 gradually into favor. Special anniversaries are des- 
 ignated by special names, indicative of the presents 
 suitable on each occasion. 
 
 THE PAPER WEDDING. 
 
 Thus, the first anniversary is called the paper 
 wedding. The invitations to this wedding should 
 be issued on a gray paper, representing thin card- 
 board. 
 
 Presents from the guests are appropriate, but by 
 no means obligatory. These presents, if given, should 
 be solely of articles made of paper. Thus, books, 
 boxes of note-paper and envelopes, sheets of music, 
 engravings and delicate knickknacks of papiet 
 mache will be provided for this occasion. 
 
 THE WOODEN WEDDING. 
 
 The wooden wedding is the fifth anniversary of 
 the marriage. The invitations for this wedding, if 
 it is desired to make them appropriate to the occa- 
 
 204 
 
ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 2O$ 
 
 sion, should be upon thin cards of wood. Or they 
 may be written on a sheet of wedding note-paper, 
 and a card of wood enclosed in the envelope. 
 
 The presents suitable to this occasion are most 
 numerous, and may range from a wooden paper- 
 knife or trifling article for kitchen use up to a com- 
 plete set of parlor or chamber furniture. 
 
 THE TIN WEDDING. 
 
 The tenth anniversary of the marriage is called 
 the tin wedding. The invitations for this anniver- 
 sary may be made upon cards covered with tin-foil, 
 or upon the ordinary wedding note-paper, with a tin 
 card enclosed. 
 
 The guests, if they desire to accompany their 
 congratulations with appropriate presents, have the 
 whole list of articles manufactured by the tinner's art 
 from which to select. 
 
 THE CRYSTAL WEDDING. 
 
 Next comes the crystal wedding, on the fifteenth 
 anniversary. Invitations to this wedding may be 
 on thin transparent paper, on colored sheets of pre- 
 pared gelatine or on ordinary wedding note-paper, 
 enclosing a sheet of mica. 
 
 The guests will make their offerings to their host 
 and hostess of trifles of glass, which may be more 
 or less valuable, as the donor feels inclined. 
 
2O6 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 THE CHINA WEDDING. 
 
 The china wedding occurs on the twentieth anni- 
 versary of the wedding-day. Invitations to this an- 
 niversary wedding should be issued on exceedingly 
 fine, semi-transparent note-paper or cards. 
 
 Various articles for the dining- or tea-table or 
 for the toilet- stand, vases or mantel ornaments, all 
 are appropriate on this occasion. 
 
 THE SILVER WEDDING. 
 
 The silver wedding occurs on the twenty-fifth 
 marriage anniversary. The invitations issued for 
 this wedding should be upon the finest note-paper, 
 printed in bright silver, with monogram or crest 
 upon both paper and envelope, in silver also. 
 
 If presents are offered by any of the guests, they 
 should be of silver, and may be the merest trifles or 
 more expensive, as the means and inclinations of the 
 donors incline. 
 
 THE GOLDEN WEDDING. 
 
 The close of the fiftieth year of married life brings 
 round the appropriate time for the golden wedding. 
 Fifty years of married happiness may indeed be 
 crowned with gold. 
 
 The invitations for this anniversary celebration 
 should be printed on the finest note-paper in gold, 
 with crest or monogram on both paper and envelope 
 in highly-burnished gold. The presents, if any are 
 offered, are also in gold. 
 
ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 2O/ 
 
 THE DIAMOND WEDDING. 
 
 Few indeed may celebrate their diamond wedding. 
 This should be held on the seventy-fifth anniver- 
 sary of the marriage-day. So rare are these occur- 
 rences that custom has sanctioned no particular style 
 or form to be observed in the invitations. These 
 invitations might be issued upon diamond-shaped 
 cards, enclosed in envelopes of a corresponding 
 shape. There can be no general offering of presents 
 at such a wedding, since diamonds in any number 
 are beyond the means of most persons. 
 
 PRESENTS AT ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 
 
 It is not at all required that an invitation to an 
 anniversary wedding be acknowledged by a valuable 
 gift, or indeed by any. The donors on such occa- 
 sions are usually only members of the family or inti- 
 mate friends. 
 
 On the occasion of golden or silver weddings it 
 is not amiss to have printed at the bottom of the 
 invitation the words " No presents," or to enclose a 
 card announcing 
 
 " It is preferred that no wedding-gifts be offered." 
 
 It is not amiss, though not at all obligatory, at the 
 earlier anniversaries to present trifles in paper, wood, 
 tin, glass or china, which, if well chosen, often add to 
 the amusement and sociability of the evening. 
 
 INVITATIONS TO ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 
 The invitations to anniversary weddings may vary 
 
2O8 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 somewhat in their wordings, according to the fancy 
 of the writer, but they are all similar. They should 
 give the date of the marriage and the anniversary. 
 They may or may not give the name of the husband 
 at the right-hand side and the maiden name of the 
 wife at the left. What the anniversary is should also 
 be indicated. 
 
 The following form will serve as a model : 
 
 1849-1874. 
 The pleasure of your company is requested at the 
 
 Silver Wedding Reception 
 
 of 
 Mr. and Mrs. William Brown, 
 
 On Thursday evening, November 1 $th, at nine o'clock. 
 
 909 Arch street. 
 R. S. V. P. 
 
 A variation of the dates and an insertion, in the 
 place of the word " silver," of " paper," " wooden," 
 "tin," "crystal," "china," "golden" or "diamond," 
 will make this form equally suitable for any of the 
 other anniversary weddings. 
 
 MARRIAGE CEREMONY AT ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 
 
 It is not unusual to have the marriage ceremony 
 repeated at these anniversary weddings, especially at 
 the silver or golden wedding. The earlier anniver- 
 saries are almost too trivial occasions upon which to 
 introduce this ceremony, especially as the parties 
 
ANNIVERSARY WEDDINGS. 2OO, 
 
 may not yet have had sufficient time to discover 
 whether an application to the divorce court may not 
 yet be thought necessary by one or the other. But 
 there is a certain impressiveness in seeing a husband 
 and wife who have remained faithful to each other 
 for a quarter or half a century publicly renewing 
 their vows of fidelity and love, which then can only 
 mean " till death us do part." The clergyman who 
 officiates at this ceremony will of course so change 
 the exact words of the marriage ceremony as to 
 render them perfectly appropriate to the occasion. 
 
 14 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 BIRTHS AND CHRISTENINGS. 
 
 WHEN the news of the birth of a child is given 
 to the world, the lady friends of the mother 
 send her their cards and kind inquiries after her 
 health. . As soon as convalescence permits the 
 invalid returns her own, with "thanks for kind 
 inquiries." Then ladies may make personal visits. 
 Gentlemen should not call upon the mother on these 
 occasions, but they may, if they choose, pay their 
 visits to the father and inquire after the health of his 
 wife and child. 
 
 NAMING THE CHILD. 
 
 The matter which most concerns the parents at 
 this period is the giving of a name to their offspring. 
 This is of no small importance, for it is something 
 which will more or less affect the child throughout 
 its life. 
 
 In Scotland the first son is usually named after the 
 father's father, the first daughter after the mother's 
 mother, the second son after the father, the second 
 daughter after the mother, and the succeeding chil- 
 dren after near relations. It is an excellent plan to 
 210 
 
BIRTHS AND CHRISTENINGS. 211 
 
 perpetuate family names when these names are 
 worthy of perpetuation. There are cases, however, 
 when it would be well to avoid this plan, as, for 
 instance, when the relative whose name is under 
 consideration has in any way disgraced that name, 
 when the name itself is an ugly one, or when it is 
 too common. Thus no man by the name of Smith 
 is justified in calling his son John, though all the 
 paternal Smiths to the remotest generation may 
 have borne that name. 
 
 Another prevalent custom in naming children is 
 to call them after some renowned person either 
 living or dead. The objection to this plan is that 
 if living the person may be capable of yet com- 
 mitting some act to disgrace the name, or at least 
 to put its present admirer out of conceit of it ; and 
 if dead, the child upon whom it is bestowed may 
 prove so insignificant a character that the name 
 shall be a constant reproach or satire. 
 
 If there are reasons against the use of family 
 names, the plan of renewing the old Saxon names 
 is an excellent one, and by its adoption our list of 
 names is much enlarged. Such names as Edwin, 
 Edgar, Alfred, Ethel, Maud, Edith, Theresa, Arthur 
 and others, found in old Saxon chronicles, are pleas- 
 ant-sounding and strong a desirable contrast to 
 the Fannies, Mamies, Minnies, Lizzies, Nellies, 
 Sadies and other namby-pamby diminutives, that 
 have, it would seem, completely supplanted their 
 originals. 
 
212 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 THE CHRISTENING. 
 
 The christening and the baptism usually occur at 
 the same time, and are regulated according to the 
 practices of the special Church to which the parents 
 give their adherence. It is not the province of this 
 book to give directions concerning the religious 
 ceremonies, but only to indicate the forms and 
 customs which society imposes at such times. 
 
 GODPARENTS OR SPONSORS. 
 
 In the Episcopal Church there are two, and some- 
 times three, godparents or sponsors. If the child is 
 a boy, there are two godfathers and one godmother 
 If a girl, two godmothers and one godfather. The 
 persons selected for godparents should be near rela- 
 tives or friends of long and close standing, and should 
 be members of the same Church into which the child 
 is baptized. 
 
 The maternal grandmother and paternal grand- 
 father usually act as sponsors for the first child, the 
 maternal grandfather and paternal grandmother for 
 the second. 
 
 A person invited to act as godparent should not 
 refuse without good reason. 
 
 If the grandparents are not selected, it is an act 
 of courtesy to select the godmother, and allow her 
 to designate the godfather. 
 
 Young persons should not stand sponsors to an 
 infant, and none should offer to act unless their 
 superior position warrants them in so doing. 
 
BIRTHS AND CHRISTENINGS. 
 
 PRESENTS FROM GODPARENTS. 
 
 The sponsors must make their godchild a present 
 of some sort a silver mug, a knife, spoon andf fork, 
 a handsomely-bound Bible, or, perhaps, a costly piece 
 of lace or embroidery suitable for infants' wear. The 
 godfather may give a cup, with name engraved, and 
 the godmother the christening robe and cap. 
 
 THE CHRISTENING CEREMONY. 
 
 Upon entering the church the babe is carried first 
 in the arms of its nurse. Next come the sponsors, 
 and after them the father and the mother, if she is 
 able to be present. The invited guests follow. 
 
 In taking their places the sponsors stand, the 
 godfather on the right and the godmother on the 
 left of the child. 
 
 When the question is asked, Who are the sponsors 
 for the child ? the proper persons should merely bow 
 their heads, without speaking. 
 
 In the Roman Catholic Church baptism takes place 
 at as early a date as possible. If the child does 
 not seem to be strong, a priest is sent for at once, 
 and the ceremony is performed at the mother's bed- 
 side. If, on the other hand, the child is healthy, it 
 is taken to the church within a few days after its 
 birth. In Protestant churches the ceremony of bap- 
 tism is usually deferred until the mother is able to 
 be present. 
 
 If the ceremony is performed at home,, a carriage 
 
214 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 must be sent for the clergyman, and retained to con- 
 vey him back again after the ceremony is concluded. 
 
 CHRISTENING BREAKFAST. 
 
 A luncheon or dejeuner a la fourchette may follow 
 the christening, though a collation of cake and wine 
 will fill all the requirements of etiquette. It is the 
 duty of the godfather to propose the health of the 
 infant. 
 
 CHRISTENING GIFTS. 
 
 Friends invited to a christening should remember 
 the babe in whose honor they convene by some tri- 
 fling gift. Gentlemen may present an article of sil- 
 ver, ladies something of their own manufacture. 
 
 THE HERO OF THE DAY. 
 
 It should be remembered that the baby is the 
 person of the greatest importance on these occasions, 
 and the guests should give it a large share of atten- 
 tion and praise. The parents, however, must not 
 make this duty too onerous to their guests by keep- 
 ing a tired, fretful child on exhibition. It is better 
 to send it at once to the care of the nurse as soon as 
 the ceremony is over. 
 
 CHRISTENING FEES. 
 
 Though the church performs the ceremony ot 
 baptism gratuitously, the parents should, if they 
 
BIRTHS AND CHRISTENINGS. 215 
 
 are able, make a present to the officiating clergy- 
 man, or, through him, a donation to the poor of 
 the neighborhood. The father of the child should 
 also remember the nurse who carries the child to 
 church. 
 
CHAPTER IV. 
 FUNERALS. 
 
 THE good sense of society is gradually abol- 
 ishing all forms of ostentation from funerals. 
 Even mourning is rejected by many persons of intel- 
 ligence, who see in it a temptation to extravagance, 
 and who regard it, moreover, as requiring more 
 thought and trouble than should be taken when the 
 mind is overwhelmed with real grief. 
 
 The hired mutes and heavy trappings of woe 
 which are still in use in England are entirely 
 aoandoned with us. 
 
 INVITATIONS TO A FUNERAL. 
 
 The notice of a death and the invitation to thf 
 funeral are usually made through the newspapers 
 though sometimes the invitation is given by means 
 of a private note. If no other invitation is given 
 than that through the newspapers, it is best to add 
 " without further notice." 
 
 Private invitations are usually printed in forms 
 something like the following : 
 
 " You are respectfully invited to attend the funeral 
 of John Smith on Friday, October 2, 1874, at 1 1 A. M., 
 
 216 
 
FUNERALS. 21? 
 
 from his late residence, 1491 Walnut street (or from 
 the Church of the Holy Trinity). To proceed to 
 Laurel Hill Cemetery." 
 
 These invitations must be delivered by a private 
 messenger. 
 
 Whether other invitations are sent or not, notes 
 must be sent to those who are desired to act as pall- 
 bearers. 
 
 CHARGE OF AFFAIRS AT A FUNERAL. 
 
 The minutiae of the arrangements for the funeral 
 are usually (and wisely) left to the undertaker, who 
 best knows how to proceed, and who will save the 
 family of the deceased all cares and petty annoyances 
 at a time when they are least fitted to meet them. 
 
 Such details as usually do not fall to the undertaker 
 are entrusted to some relative or friend. This friend 
 should have an interview with the family or some 
 representative of it, and learn what their wishes may 
 be and receive from them a limit of expenses. 
 
 EXPENSE OF FUNERAL. 
 
 Regarding this limit, let it be borne in mind that 
 it should always be in accordance with the means of 
 the family ; that nothing can excuse an extravagance 
 and ostentation at a funeral which must be indulged 
 in at the expense of heavy privation afterward, or 
 perhaps, worse still, at that of the creditors. Pomp 
 and display are at all times out of keeping with the 
 solemn occasion and inconsistent with real grief. 
 
21 8 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 GENERAL RULES OF ETIQUETTE CONCERNING 
 HOUSES OF MOURNING. 
 
 There should be no calls upon the bereaved family 
 while the dead remains in the house, and they may 
 be excused if they refuse themselves to friends and 
 relatives. 
 
 Upon entering the house of mourning a gentle- 
 man must always remove his hat in the hall, nor re- 
 place it while he remains. 
 
 There should be no loud talking nor confusion 
 while the body remains in the house. 
 
 DRAPING THE HOUSE IN MOURNING. 
 
 The shutters on the street are kept closed. In 
 Philadelphia it is customary to tie all the window- 
 shutters with black and to hang black upon the door. 
 In other places the black upon the door is considered 
 sufficient. 
 
 In Philadelphia the black is allowed to remain 
 upon the windows for a year a foolish and ostenta- 
 tious custom the oftener disregarded, the better. 
 
 It is desirable, upon a death occurring in a house, 
 that some outward sign should be given to keep 
 away casual visitors. The usual means of doing 
 this is by tying black crape upon the bell or door- 
 knob, with a black ribbon if the person is married or 
 advanced in years, with a white one if young and un- 
 married. The customs of different localities desig- 
 nate when this crape should be removed. 
 
FUNERALS. 21$ 
 
 CARRIAGES FOR A FUNERAL. 
 
 If friends are specially invited, carriages should be 
 furnished to take them to the cemetery. A list of 
 invited persons should be given to the undertaker, 
 showing the order in which they are to be placed 
 in the carriages. 
 
 AVOID BEING TOO EARLY AT A FUNERAL. 
 
 Persons should not present themselves at a funeral 
 before the appointed hour, because by so doing they 
 may intrude upon the privacy of the family, who are 
 taking their last farewell of their deceased friend. 
 
 EXHIBITION OF THE CORPSE. 
 
 If the guests are invited to go from the house to 
 the church, the corpse is usually exposed in the 
 drawing-room, while the family are assembled in 
 another apartment. If the guests go directly to the 
 church, the coffin is placed in front of the chancel, 
 and after the services the lid is removed and friends 
 pass up one aisle, past the coffin, from the feet to the 
 head, and down the other aisle out. 
 
 RECEIVING GUESTS AT A FUNERAL. 
 
 If the services are held at the house, some near 
 friend or relative will receive the guests. The ladies 
 of the family do not show themselves at all. The 
 gentlemen may do as they please. 
 
220 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 PROCEEDING TO THE CEMETERY, 
 
 The procession moves from the door exactly one 
 hour after the time set for the funeral. 
 
 In England the male friends alone follow the 
 corpse to its final resting-place. In this country it 
 is proper for the female friends and relatives to do so 
 if they desire it, as they generally do. 
 
 The carriage containing the clergyman precedes 
 the hearse. The carriage immediately following the 
 hearse contains the nearest relatives, the following 
 carriages those more remote in relationship. 
 
 As the mourners pass out to enter the carriages 
 the guests stand with uncovered heads. No saluta- 
 tions are given or received. The person who has 
 been selected to officiate as master of ceremonies 
 assists the mourners to enter and alight from the 
 carriages. 
 
 Sometimes the private carriage of the deceased 
 is placed in the procession, empty, immediately be- 
 hind the hearse. 
 
 The horse of a deceased mounted officer, fully 
 equipped and draped in mourning, will be led im- 
 mediately after the hearse. 
 
 In towns and villages where the cemetery is near 
 at hand it is not unusual for all to proceed to it 
 on foot. In this case the men should go with un- 
 covered heads if the weather will permit it, the 
 hat being held in the right hand. The hat must 
 at all events be removed whenever the coffin is 
 carried from the hearse to the church or back, 
 
FUNERALS. 221 
 
 when the guests form a double line, between which 
 it passes. 
 
 At the cemetery the clergyman or priest walks in 
 advance of the coffin. 
 
 SUITABLE DRESS FOR FUNERALS. 
 
 Persons attending a funeral should be dressed in 
 sombre colors. A gay dress is certainly out of 
 place. 
 
 FLOWERS AT A FUNERAL. 
 
 The custom of decking the corpse and coffin with 
 flowers is a beautiful one, though somewhat ex- 
 pensive. Upon the coffin of an infant or a young 
 person a wreath of flowers should be placed, upon 
 that of a married person a cross. These flowers 
 should always be white. Friends sending gifts of 
 flowers should send them in time to be used foi 
 decorative purposes. 
 
 OTHER DECORATIONS UPON THE COFFIN. 
 
 A person of rank generally bears some insignia of 
 his rank upon his coffin-lid. Thus, a deceased army 
 or naval officer will have his coffin covered with the 
 national flag, and his hat, epaulettes, sword and sash 
 laid upon the lid. 
 
 AFTER THE FUNERAL. 
 
 Guests should not return to the house of mourn- 
 ing after the funeral, but should be driven immedi- 
 ately home. In some sections it is customary to 
 
222 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 conclude the ceremonies of the day with a dinner or 
 banquet, but this is grossly out of place and not to 
 be tolerated by any one of common sense and re- 
 finement. If friends have come from a distance, it 
 may sometimes be a matter of necessity to extend a 
 brief hospitality to them ; but if the guests can avoid 
 this necessity, they should do so. This hospitality 
 should be of the quietest sort, and in no manner 
 become an entertainment. 
 
 It is the cruelest blow which can be given bereaved 
 friends to fill the house with strangers or indifferent 
 acquaintances and the sound of feasting at a time 
 when they desire of all things to be left alone with 
 their sorrow. 
 
 NOTIFICATION OF DEATH. 
 
 It is an English custom, which is beginning to be 
 adopted in America, to send upon the occasion of a 
 death to relatives and friends cards deeply edged in 
 black, upon which are printed or engraved the name 
 of the deceased, with his age and date of his death. 
 These cards are immediately acknowledged by letters 
 of condolence and offers of assistance, but on no 
 account by personal visits a fortnight or so after the 
 funeral. 
 
 OBLIGATION TO ATTEND A FUNERAL. 
 
 All persons except those themselves in deep afflic- 
 tion are under obligation to attend a funeral to 
 which they have been invited. 
 
FUNERALS. 22$ 
 
 SECLUSION OF THE BEREAVED FAMILY. 
 
 No member of the immediate family of the de- 
 ceased will leave the house between the time of the 
 death and the funeral. A lady friend will be com- 
 missioned to make all necessary purchases and 
 engage seamstresses, etc. 
 
 PERIOD OF MOURNING. 
 
 Those who wish to show themselves strict ob- 
 servers of etiquette keep their houses in twilight 
 seclusion and sombre with mourning for a year or 
 more, allowing the piano to remain closed for the 
 same length of time. But in this close observance 
 of the letter of the law its spirit is lost entirely. 
 
 It is not desirable to enshroud ourselves in gloom 
 after a bereavement, no matter how great it has been. 
 It is our duty to ourselves and to the world to regain 
 our cheerfulness as soon as we may, and all that 
 conduces to this we are religiously bound to accept, 
 whether it be music, the bright light of heaven, 
 cheerful clothing or the society of friends. 
 
 At all events, the moment we begin to chafe 
 against the requirements of etiquette, grow wearied 
 of the darkened room, long for the open piano and 
 look forward impatiently to the time when we may 
 lay aside our mourning, from that moment we are 
 slaves to a law which was originally made to serve 
 us in allowing us to do unquestioned what was sup- 
 posed to be in true harmony with our gloomy feelings. 
 
224 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 The woman who wears the badge of widowhood 
 for exactly two years to a day, and then puts it off 
 suddenly for ordinary colors, and who possibly has 
 already contracted an engagement for a second mar- 
 riage during these two years of supposed mourning, 
 confesses to a slavish hypocrisy in making an osten- 
 tatious show of a grief which has long since died a 
 natural (and shall we not say a desirable ?) death. 
 
 In these respects let us be natural, and let us, 
 moreover, remember that, though the death of friends 
 brings us real and heartfelt sorrow, yet it is still a 
 time for rejoicing for their sakes. 
 
PART IV. 
 
 DRESS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 THE TOILETTE. 
 
 IT is the duty of every woman to make herself as 
 beautiful as possible; nor is it less the duty of 
 every man to render himself pleasing in appearance. 
 This duty of looking well is one we owe not only to 
 ourselves, but to others also. We owe it to our- 
 selves because others estimate us very naturally and 
 very rightly by our outward appearance, and we 
 owe it to others because we have no right to put 
 our friends to the blush by untidiness or uncouth- 
 ness. 
 
 If a gentleman requests the pleasure of a lady's 
 company to the opera, she has no right to turn that 
 expected pleasure into a pain and mortification by 
 presenting herself with tumbled hair, ill-chosen 
 dress, badly-fitting gloves and an atmosphere of 
 cheap and offensive perfumes. So, again, if the 
 gentleman conies to fulfill his appointment with 
 
 15 225 
 
226 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 shaggy hair and beard, tumbled clothes, soiled linen 
 and an odor of stale tobacco, she may well resent 
 such an appearance as an insult. 
 
 Duty, therefore, has even more to do with atten- 
 tion to the toilette than vanity. We are bound to 
 turn our personal attractions to the very best account, 
 and to preserve every agreeable quality we may have 
 been endowed with to the latest period of our re- 
 spective lives. 
 
 HEALTH AND BEAUTY. 
 
 No lady or gentleman ever neglects the minor 
 details of the toilette. Upon these depend, in a great 
 degree, the health, not to say the beauty, of the 
 individual. In fact, the highest state of health is 
 equivalent to the greatest degree of beauty of which 
 the individual is capable. It is a false taste which 
 looks upon a fragile form and a pale and delicate 
 complexion as requisites for beauty. The strength 
 and buoyancy and vigor of youth, the full and 
 rounded curves of form and features, the clear com- 
 plexion, fair in the blonde and rich and brilliant in 
 the brunette, tinted with the rosy flush of health, 
 these constitute the true beauty which all should 
 seek, and to which all with proper care can at least 
 partially attain. 
 
 THE DRESSING-ROOM. 
 
 The first necessity in properly performing the 
 duties of the toilette is to have a regularly-appointed 
 
THE TOILETTE. 22? 
 
 dressing-room. This room, of course, in many in- 
 stances, is a bedroom as well ; but that need in no 
 way interfere with its general arrangements. 
 
 The walls should be decorated with a light-colored 
 paper, with window-curtains and furniture covers all 
 in harmony. A few choice prints or water-color 
 drawings may be hung on the walls, and one or two 
 ornaments may occupy a place on the mantel ; but it 
 should be borne in mind that the room is to be 
 used exclusively for dressing and the toilette, so 
 that everything interfering with these offices in any 
 way should be studiously avoided. 
 
 LADY'S DRESSING-ROOM. 
 
 The furniture of a lady's dressing-room should 
 consist of a low dressing-bureau, a washstand, an 
 easy-chair, placed in front of the dressing-bureau, one 
 or two other chairs, a sofa or couch if the space ad- 
 mits, and a large wardrobe if there are insufficient 
 closet conveniences. 
 
 On the dressing-bureau should be placed the lady's 
 dressing-case, her jewel-box, ring-stand, pin-cushion 
 and hairpin-cushion. This latter is very convenient, 
 and is made in the following way : It may be round 
 or square, the sides of wood or card-board, loosely 
 stuffed with fine horsehair and covered with plain 
 knitting, worked in single Berlin wool with fine 
 needles. This cover offers no impediment to the 
 hairpins, which are much better preserved in this 
 way than by being left about in an untidy fashion 
 
228 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 In addition, there should be a tray with various kinds 
 of combs, frizettes and bottles of perfumes. There 
 should be neither bottles of strong perfumery, such 
 as musk or patchouli, nor hair-dye nor cosmetics, 
 neither pots of hair-oil nor powder-puff nor rouge. 
 A bottle of pure sweet oil, marrow or bear's grease 
 may be tolerated, to be used on very rare occasions 
 hereafter to be described. 
 
 The washstand should be furnished with a large 
 bowl and pitcher, soap-tray, small pitcher and tum- 
 bler, china tray containing two tooth-brushes and 
 nail-brushes, sponge-basin, holding two sponges 
 (large and small), and a bottle of ammonia. 
 
 On the right of the washstand should be the 
 towel-rack, on which should be found one fine and 
 two coarse towels and two more very coarse hucka- 
 back or Turkish towels. Beneath the washstand 
 should be placed the foot-bath. 
 
 On the wall should be hooks and pegs at conve- 
 nient distances, from which maybe suspended sacques, 
 dressing-gowns, dresses about to be worn, or any 
 other article of general or immediate use. 
 
 The various articles of a lady's apparel dresses, 
 skirts, crinolines, etc. should be hung neatly away 
 in the closet or wardrobe. The underclothing 
 should be folded and placed in an orderly manner 
 in the drawers of the dressing-bureau. The finer 
 dresses are kept in better order if folded smoothly 
 and laid on shelves instead of being hung up. 
 
THE TOILETTE. 22$ 
 
 GENTLEMAN'S DRESSING-ROOM. 
 
 The appointments of a gentleman's dressing-room 
 are similar in most respects to those of the lady's 
 dressing-room, the differences being in trifling mat- 
 ters. 
 
 A gentleman's wardrobe need not be so large as a 
 lady's, but it should be well supplied with drawers 
 to contain pantaloons and vests neatly folded. In- 
 deed, no gentleman who wishes to make a tidy ap- 
 pearance will ever hang up these articles. 
 
 The pegs and hooks in a gentleman's dressing- 
 room are for the convenience of articles of a gen- 
 tleman's toilet corresponding with those occupying 
 the same place in the lady's room. 
 
 A gentleman's dressing-bureau should contain 
 the articles used in a gentleman's toilet razors, 
 shaving-brush, shaving-soap and a small tin pot 
 for hot water, together with packages of paper, on 
 which to wipe razors. Cheap razors are a mistake, 
 as they soon lose their edge. A good razor re- 
 quires no strop. It has been suggested as an ex- 
 cellent plan to have a case of seven razors one 
 for each day in the week so that they are all 
 equally used. 
 
 A boot-stand, on which all the boots and shoes 
 should be arranged in regular order, with boot- 
 jacks and boot-hooks, is a necessary adjunct to the 
 gentleman's dressing-room. 
 
 A couple of hair gloves, with a flesh-brush, may 
 be added to the toilet appurtenances. 
 
23O OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 THE BATH. 
 
 In most of our city houses there is a separate 
 bath-room with hot and cold water, but country 
 houses have not always this convenience. A sub- 
 stitute for the bath-room is a large piece of oil- 
 cloth, which can be laid upon the floor of the or- 
 dinary dressing-room. Upon this may be placed 
 the bath-tub or basin. 
 
 There are various kinds of baths, both hot and 
 cold the shower-bath, the douche, the hip-bath 
 and the sponge-bath. 
 
 Only the most vigorous constitutions can endure 
 the shower-bath, therefore it cannot be recommended 
 for indiscriminate use. 
 
 A douche or hip-bath may be taken every morn- 
 ing, winter and summer, with the temperature of the 
 water suited to the endurance of the individual. In 
 summer a second or sponge-bath may be taken on 
 retiring. 
 
 We do not bathe to make ourselves clean, but to 
 keep clean, and for the sake of its health-giving 
 and invigorating effects. Once a week a warm 
 bath, at about 100, may be used, with plenty of 
 soap, in order to thoroughly cleanse the pores of the 
 skin. 
 
 After these baths the rough towels should be 
 vigorously used, not only to help remove the im- 
 purities of the skin, but for the beneficial friction 
 which will send a glow over the whole body. The 
 
THE TOILETTE. 
 
 hair glove or flesh-brush may be used to advantage 
 in the bath before the towel is applied. 
 
 Before stepping into the bath the head should be 
 wet with cold water, and in the bath the pit of the 
 stomach should first be sponged. 
 
 There is no danger to most people from taking 
 a bath in a state of ordinary perspiration. But one 
 should by all means avoid it if he is overheated or 
 fatigued. 
 
 THE AIR-BATH. 
 
 Next in importance to the water-bath is the air- 
 bath. Nothing is so conducive to health as an ex- 
 posure of the body to air and sun. A French phy- 
 sician has recommended the sun-bath as a desirable 
 hygienic practice. It is well, therefore, to remain 
 without clothing for some little time after bathing, 
 performing such duties of the toilet as can be done 
 in that condition. 
 
 THE TEETH. 
 
 The next thing to be done is to clean the teeth. 
 Besides this daily morning cleaning, the teeth should 
 be carefully brushed with a soft brush after each 
 meal, and also on retiring at night. Use the brush 
 so that not only the outside of the teeth is white, 
 but the inside also. After the brush is used plunge 
 it two or three times into a glass of fresh water, then 
 rub it quite dry on a towel. 
 
 Use no tooth-washes nor powders whatever, 
 There may be some harmless ones, but it is impossi 
 
232 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 X 
 
 ble for a person of ordinary knowledge to discrim- 
 inate between them, and that which seems to be 
 rendering the teeth beautifully white may soon 
 destroy the enamel which covers them. Castile 
 soap used once a day, with frequent brushings with 
 pure water and a soft brush, cannot fail to keep the 
 teeth clean and white, unless they are disfigured and 
 destroyed by other bad habits, such as the use of 
 tobacco or too hot or too cold drinks. 
 
 On the slightest appearance of decay or a tend- 
 ency to accumulate tartar, go at once to a dentist. 
 If a dark spot appearing under the enamel is neg- 
 lected, it will eat in until the tooth is eventually 
 destroyed. A dentist seeing the tooth in its first 
 stage will remove the decayed part and plug the 
 cavity in a proper manner. 
 
 Tartar is not so easily dealt with, but it requires 
 equally early attention. It results from an impaired 
 state of the general health, and assumes the form of 
 a yellowish concretion on the teeth and gums. At 
 first it is possible to keep it down by a repeated and 
 vigorous use of the tooth-brush ; but if a firm, solid 
 mass accumulates, it is necessary to have it chipped 
 off by a dentist. Unfortunately, too, by that time it 
 will probably have begun to loosen and destroy the 
 teeth on which it fixes, and is pretty certain to have 
 produced one obnoxious effect that of tainting the 
 breath. 
 
 Washing the teeth with vinegar when the brush 
 
THE TOILETTE. 233 
 
 is used has been recommended as a means of remov- 
 ing tartar. 
 
 About toothache it is only necessary to point out 
 that it results from various causes, and that therefore 
 it is impossible to give any general remedy for it. 
 It may be occasioned by decay, by inflammation of 
 the membrane covering the root, or the pain may be 
 neuralgic, or there may be other causes. 
 
 Relief in cases of decay may sometimes be ob- 
 tained by thrusting into the cavity with a needle a 
 little cotton-wool saturated with creosote or oil of 
 cloves. 
 
 When there is inflammation, relief is often gained 
 by applying camphorated chloroform, to be procured 
 at the druggist's. This has often succeeded when 
 laudanum and similar applications have entirely 
 failed. 
 
 Tenderness of the gums, to which some persons 
 are subject, may sometimes be met by the use of salt 
 and water, but it is well to rinse the mouth frequently 
 with water with a few drops of tincture of myrrh in it. 
 
 It may be added that foul breath, unless caused by 
 neglected teeth, indicates a deranged state of the 
 system. When it is occasioned by the teeth or other 
 local cause, use a gargle consisting of a spoonful of 
 solution of chloride of lime in half a tumbler of 
 water. Gentlemen smoking, and thus tainting the 
 breath, may be glad to know that the common pars- 
 ley has a peculiar effect in removing the odor of 
 tobacco. 
 
234 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 THE SKIN. 
 
 Beauty and health of the skin can only be ob- 
 tained by perfect cleanliness and an avoidance of 
 all cosmetics, added to proper diet and correct 
 habits. 
 
 Our somewhat remote maternal ancestors were 
 very chary in the use of water lest it should injure 
 the complexion. So they delicately wiped their faces 
 with the corner of a towel wet in elder-flower water 
 or rose-water. Or in springtime they tripped out 
 to the meadows while the dew still lay upon the 
 grass, and saturating their kerchiefs in May dew re- 
 freshed their cheeks and went home contented that 
 a conscientious duty had been performed. And so 
 it was, though a different duty than the one they 
 congratulated themselves upon. The May dew did 
 them no harm at least, and they had been beguiled 
 by a stratagem into early rising. 
 
 The skin must be frequently and thoroughly 
 washed, occasionally with warm water and soap, to 
 remove the oily exudations upon its surface. If any 
 unpleasant sensations are experienced after the use 
 of soap, they may be immediately removed by rins- 
 ing the surface with water to which a little lemon- 
 juice or vinegar has been added. 
 
 It is not necessary here to speak of various cutane- 
 ous eruptions. The treatment of these belongs prop- 
 erly to a physician. They are usually the result of 
 a bad state of the blood or general derangement of 
 
THE TOILETTE. 235 
 
 the system, and cannot be cured by any merely 
 external application. 
 
 The following rules may be given for the pres- 
 ervation of the complexion : Rise early and go to 
 bed early. Take plenty of exercise. Use plenty of 
 cold water, and good soap frequently. Be moderate 
 in eating and drinking. Do not lace. Avoid as 
 much as possible the vitiated atmosphere of crowded 
 assemblies. Shun cosmetics and washes for the 
 skin. The latter dry the skin, and only defeat the 
 end they are supposed to have in view. 
 
 Moles are frequently a great disfigurement to the 
 face, but they should not be tampered with in any 
 way. The only safe and certain mode of getting rid 
 of moles is by a surgical operation. 
 
 Freckles are of two kinds. Those occasioned by 
 exposure to the sunshine, and consequently evanes- 
 cent, are denominated " summer freckles ;" those 
 which are constitutional and permanent are called 
 " cold freckles." 
 
 With regard to the latter, it is impossible to give 
 any advice which will be of value. They result from 
 causes not to be affected by mere external applica- 
 tions. Summer freckles are not so difficult to deal 
 with, and with a little care the skin may be kept free 
 from this cause of disfigurement. 
 
 Some skins are so delicate that they become 
 freckled on the slightest exposure in the open air of 
 summer. The cause assigned for this is that the 
 iron in the blood, forming a junction with the oxygen, 
 
236 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 leaves a rusty mark where the junction takes place. 
 We give in their appropriate place some recipes for 
 removing these latter freckles from the face. 
 
 There are various other discolorations of the skin, 
 proceeding frequently from derangement of the sys- 
 tem. The cause should always be discovered before 
 attempting a remedy, otherwise you may aggravate 
 the complaint rather than cure it. 
 
 THE EYES, LASHES AND BROWS. 
 
 Beautiful eyes are the gift of Nature, and can owe 
 little to the toilet. As in the eye consists much of 
 the expression of the face, therefore it should be 
 borne in mind that those who would have their eyes 
 bear a pleasing expression must cultivate pleasing 
 traits of character and beautify the soul, and then 
 this beautiful soul will look through its natural 
 windows. 
 
 Never tamper with the eyes. There is danger of 
 destroying them. All daubing or dyeing of the lids 
 is foolish and vulgar. 
 
 Short-sightedness is not always a natural defect. 
 It may be acquired by bad habits in youth. A short- 
 sighted person should supply himself with glasses 
 exactly adapted to his wants ; but it is well not to 
 use these glasses too constantly, as, even when they 
 perfectly fit the eye, they really tend to shorten the 
 sight. Unless one is very short-sighted, it is best to 
 keep the glasses for occasional use, and trust ordi- 
 narily to the unaided eye. Parents and teachers 
 
THE TOILETTE. 
 
 should watch children and see that they do not 
 acquire the habit of holding their books too close to 
 their eyes, and thus injure their sight. 
 
 Parents should also be careful that their children 
 do not become squint- or cross-eyed through any 
 carelessness. A child's hair hanging down loosely 
 over its eyes, or a bonnet projecting too far over 
 them, or a loose ribbon or tape fluttering over the 
 forehead, is sometimes sufficient to direct the sight 
 irregularly until it becomes permanently crossed. 
 
 A beautiful eyelash is an important adjunct to the 
 eye. The lashes may be lengthened by trimming 
 them occasionally in childhood. Care should be 
 taken that this trimming is done neatly and evenly, 
 and especially that the points of the scissors do not 
 penetrate the eye. 
 
 The eyebrows may be brushed carefully in the 
 direction which they should lie, and when the hair 
 is oiled, which should be but seldom, they may be 
 oiled also. 
 
 In general, it is in exceeding bad taste to dye 
 either lashes or brows, for it usually brings them 
 into inharmony with the hair and features. There 
 are cases, however, when the beauty of an otherwise 
 fine countenance is utterly ruined by white lashes 
 and brows. In such cases one can hardly be blamed 
 if india ink is resorted to to give them the desired 
 color. 
 
 Never shave the brows. It adds to their beauty 
 
238 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 in no way, and may result in an irregular growth of 
 new hair. 
 
 The utmost care should be taken of the eyes. 
 They should never be strained in an imperfect light, 
 whether that of shrouded daylight, twilight or flick- 
 ering lamp- or candle-light. 
 
 Many persons have an idea that a habitually dark 
 room is best for the eyes. On the contrary, it 
 weakens them and renders them permanently unable 
 to bear the light of the sun. Our eyes were natur- 
 ally designed to endure the broad light of day, and 
 the nearer we approach to this in our houses, the 
 stronger will be our eyes and the longer will we 
 retain our sight. 
 
 The writer of this book recalls a person whose 
 eyes were failing him, until he thought himself 
 threatened with blindness, and in consequence he 
 avoided the light as much as possible. He consulted 
 one of the most eminent oculists in the country, 
 who told him, among other things, to avoid dark 
 rooms and accustom his eyes as much as possible to 
 full daylight. He followed these directions, and his 
 sight immediately improved. 
 
 Some persons have the eyebrows meeting over 
 the nose. This is usually considered a disfigure- 
 ment, but there is no remedy for it. It may be a 
 consolation for such people to know that the ancients 
 admired this style of eyebrows, and that Michael 
 Angelo possessed it. Tennyson speaks of his friend 
 Hallam thus : 
 
THE TOILETTE. 239 
 
 " And over thine ethereal eyes 
 The bar of Michael Angelo." 
 
 It is useless to pluck out the uniting hairs ; and if 
 a depilatory is applied, a mark like that of a scar left 
 from a burn remains, and is more disfiguring than 
 the hair. 
 
 If the lids of the eyes become inflamed and scaly, 
 do not seek to remove the scales roughly, for they 
 will bring the lashes with them. Apply at night a 
 little cold cream to the edges of the closed lids, and 
 wash them in the morning with lukewarm milk and 
 water.- 
 
 It is well to have on the toilet-table a remedy for 
 inflamed eyes. Spermaceti ointment is simple and 
 well adapted to this purpose. Apply at night, and 
 wash off with rose-water in the morning. There is 
 a simple lotion made by dissolving a very small 
 piece of alum and a piece of lump-sugar of the same 
 size in a quart of water ; put the ingredients into the 
 water cold and let them simmer. Bathe the eyes 
 frequently with it. 
 
 Sties in the eye are irritating and disfiguring. 
 Foment with warm water ; at night apply a bread- 
 and-milk poultice. When a white head forms, prick 
 it with a fine needle. Should the inflammation be 
 obstinate, a little citrine ointment may be applied, 
 care being taken that it does not get into the eye. 
 
 THE HAIR. 
 There is nothing that so adds to the charm of an 
 
240 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 individual as a good head of hair. The complexion 
 and the features may be perfect, but if the hair is 
 thin and harsh they all pass for little. On the other 
 hand, magnificent locks will atone for other de- 
 ficiencies. 
 
 The skin of the head requires even more tender- 
 ness and cleanliness than any other portion of the 
 body, and is capable of being irritated by disease. 
 Formerly, the use of a fine-tooth comb was con- 
 sidered essential to the proper care of the hair, but 
 in general, to the careful brusher, the fine comb is 
 not necessary. 
 
 We repeat, the hair should be brushed carefully. 
 The brush should be of moderate hardness, not too 
 hard. The hair should be separated, in order that 
 the head itself may be well brushed, as by doing so 
 the scurf is removed, and that is most essential, as 
 not only is it unpleasant and unsightly, but if suf- 
 fered to remain it becomes saturated with per- 
 spiration and tends to weaken the roots of the 
 hair, causing it in time to fall off. 
 
 The hair should be brushed for at least twenty 
 minutes in the morning, for ten minutes when it is 
 dressed in the middle of the day, and for a like 
 period at night. In brushing or combing it begin 
 at the extreme points, and in combing hold the 
 portion of hair just above that through which the 
 comb is passing firmly between the first and second 
 fingers, so that if it is entangled it may drag from 
 that point, and not from the roots. The finest head 
 
THE TOILETTE. 24! 
 
 of hair may be spoiled by the practice of plunging 
 the comb into it high up and dragging it in a 
 reckless manner. Short, loose, broken hairs are 
 thus created, and become very troublesome. 
 
 Do not plaster the hair with oil or pomatum. 
 A white, concrete oil pertains naturally to the cov- 
 ering of the human head, but some persons have 
 it in more abundance than others. Those whose 
 hair is glossy and shining need nothing to render 
 it so ; but when the hair is harsh, poor and dry, 
 artificial lubrication is necessary. Persons who per- 
 spire freely or who accumulate scurf rapidly re- 
 quire it also. 
 
 Nothing is simpler or better in the way of oil 
 than pure, unscented salad oil, anc 1 in the way of a 
 pomatum bear's grease is as pleasant as anything. 
 Apply either with the hands or keep a soft brush 
 for the purpose, but take care not to use the oil too 
 freely. An over-oiled head of hair is vulgar and 
 offensive. So are scents of any kind in the oil ap- 
 plied to the hair. It is well also to keep a piece 
 of flannel with which to rub the hair at night after 
 brushing it, in order to remove the oil before lay- 
 ing the head upon the pillow. 
 
 Vinegar and water form a good wash for the 
 roots of the hair. Ammonia diluted with water is 
 still better. 
 
 The hair-brush should also be frequently washed 
 in diluted ammonia. 
 
 For removing scurf glycerine diluted with a lit- 
 
 16 
 
OUR BEHAVIOR, 
 
 tie rose-water will be found of service. Any prep- 
 aration of rosemary forms an agreeable and highly 
 cleansing wash. 
 
 The yolk of an egg beaten up in warm water is 
 an excellent application to the scalp. 
 
 Many heads of hair require nothing more in the 
 way of wash than soap and water. 
 
 Beware of letting the hair grow too long, as the 
 points are apt to weaken and split. It is well to 
 have the ends clipped off once a month. 
 
 The style of modern coiffure is so perpetually 
 changing with every breath of fashion that it is 
 useless to say much about it in these pages. It 
 may be well to hint that when fashion ordains ex- 
 travagance in style of wearing the hair or in the 
 abundance of false locks, the lady of refinement will 
 follow her mandates only at a distance, and will sup- 
 plement the locks with which Nature has provided 
 her only so far as is absolutely required to prevent 
 her presenting a singular appearance. 
 
 Young girls should wear their hair cut short until 
 they are grown up if they would have it then in its 
 best condition. 
 
 Do not by any means use any dyes or advertised 
 nostrums to preserve or change the color of the 
 hair, or to prevent it from falling out or to curl it. 
 They are one and all objectionable, containing more 
 or less poison, some of them even sowing the germ^ 
 of paralysis or of blindness. 
 
 A serious objection to dyeing the hair is that it is 
 
THE TOILETTE. 243 
 
 almost impossible to give the hair a tint which har- 
 monizes with the complexion. 
 
 If the hair begins to change early and the color 
 goes in patches, procure from the druggist's a prep- 
 aration of the husk of the walnut water or eau crayon. 
 This will by daily application darken the tint of the 
 hair without actually dyeing it. When the change 
 of color has gone on to any great extent, it is better 
 to abandon the application and put up with the 
 change, which, in nine cases out of ten, will be in 
 accordance with the change in the face. Indeed, 
 there is nothing more beautiful than soft white 
 hair worn in plain bands or clustering curls about 
 the face. 
 
 The walnut-water may be used for toning down 
 too red hair. 
 
 Gentlemen are more liable to baldness than 
 ladies, owing, no doubt, to the use of the close 
 hat, which confines and overheats the head. It 
 may be considered, perhaps, as a sort of punishment 
 for disregarding one of the most imperative rules of 
 politeness, to always remove the hat in the presence 
 of ladies, the observance of which would keep the 
 head cool and well aired. 
 
 If the hair is found to be falling out, the first thing 
 to do is to look to the hat and see that it is light and 
 thoroughly ventilated. There is no greater enemy 
 to the hair than the silk dress-hat. The single eye- 
 let-hole through the top does not secure sufficient 
 circulation of air for the health of the head. It is 
 
244 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 best to lay this hat aside altogethei and adopt a 
 light straw in its place. 
 
 It would, no doubt, be to the advantage of men 
 if they would take to going out in the open air 
 bareheaded. Women think nothing of stepping out 
 of doors with head uncovered, men scarcely ever 
 do it. We are of opinion that if the health of the 
 brain and hair is to be paramount we should learn 
 to consider hats and bonnets, and especially hats, 
 as worn merely as hostages to the proprieties, and 
 not at all as necessities, while we should seek to 
 do without them on every possible occasion, in 
 doors and out. 
 
 It is conceded that artists and musicians may wear 
 their hair long if they choose, but it is imperative 
 upon all other gentlemen to cut their hair short. 
 Long hair on a man not of the privileged class 
 above named will indicate him to the observer as a 
 person of unbalanced mind and unpleasantly erratic 
 character a man, in brief, who seeks to impress 
 others with the fact that he is eccentric, something 
 which a really eccentric person never attempts. 
 
 THE BEARD. 
 
 Those who shave should be careful to do so every 
 morning. Nothing looks worse than a stubbly beard. 
 Some persons whose beards are strong should shave 
 twice a day, especially if they are going to a party 
 in the evening. 
 
 The style of hair on the face should be governed 
 
THE TOILETTE. 24$ 
 
 by the character of the face. Some people wear the 
 full beard, not shaving at all ; others long Cardigan 
 whiskers ; some moustache and whiskers or mutton- 
 chop whiskers, or the long, flowing moustache and 
 imperial of Victor Emmanuel, or the spiky moustache 
 of the late emperor of the French. But whatever 
 the style be, the great point is to keep it well brushed 
 and trimmed and to avoid any appearance of wild- 
 ness or inattention. The full, flowing beard of course 
 requires more looking after, in the way of cleanliness, 
 than any other. It should be thoroughly washed 
 and brushed at least twice a day, as dust is sure to 
 accumulate in it, and it is very easy to suffer it to 
 become objectionable to one's self as well as to oth- 
 ers. If it is naturally glossy, it is better to avoid the 
 use of oil or pomatum. 
 
 The moustache should be worn neatly and not 
 over-large. 
 
 In conclusion, our advice to those who shave 
 is like Punch's advice to those about to marry: 
 "Don't!" There is nothing that so adds to native 
 manliness as the full beard if carefully and neatly 
 kept. Nature certainly knows best; and no man 
 need be ashamed of showing his manhood in the 
 hair of his face. 
 
 The person who invented razors libeled nature and 
 added a fresh misery to the days of man. "Ah," 
 said Diogenes, who would never consent to be 
 shaved, " would you insinuate that Nature had done 
 better to make you a woman than a man?" We 
 
246 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 forgive the covert sneer at womanhood in consider- 
 ation of the defence of the beard which it implies. 
 
 THE HAND. 
 
 A beautiful hand is long and slender, with taper- 
 ing fingers and pink, filbert-shaped nails. The hand, 
 to be in proper proportion to the rest of the body, 
 should be as long as from the point of the chin to 
 the edge of the hair on the forehead. 
 
 The hands should be kept scrupulously clean, and 
 therefore should be very frequently washed not 
 merely rinsed in soap and water, but thoroughly 
 lathered, and scrubbed with a soft nail-brush. In 
 cold weather the use of lukewarm water is unobjec- 
 tionable, after which the hands should be dipped 
 into cold water and very carefully dried on a fine 
 towel. 
 
 Be careful always to dry the hands thoroughly, and 
 rub them briskly for some time afterward. When 
 this is not sufficiently attended to in cold weather, 
 the hands chap and crack. When this occurs, rub 
 a few drops of honey over them when dry, or 
 anoint them with cold cream or glycerine before 
 going to bed. 
 
 As cold weather is the usual cause of chapped 
 hands, so the winter season brings with it a cure for 
 them. A thorough washing in snow and soap will 
 cure the worst case of chapped hands and leave 
 them beautifully soft. 
 
 Should you wish to make your hands white and 
 
THE TOILETTE. 247 
 
 delicate, you might wash them in white milk and 
 water for a day or two. On retiring to rest rub 
 them well over with some palm oil and put on a 
 pair of woolen gloves. The hands should be thor- 
 oughly washed with hot water and soap the next 
 morning, and a pair of soft leather gloves worn dur- 
 ing the day. They should frequently be rubbed 
 together to promote circulation. 
 
 Sunburnt hands may be washed in lime-water or 
 lemon-juice. 
 
 Warts, which are more common with young peo- 
 ple than with adults, are very unsightly, and are 
 sometimes very difficult to get rid of. The best plan 
 is to buy a small stick of lunar caustic, which is sold 
 in a holder and case at the druggist's for the purpose, 
 dip it in water, and touch the wart every morning 
 and evening, care being taken to cut away the with- 
 ered skin before repeating the operation. A still 
 better plan is to apply acetic acid gently once a day 
 with a camel's-hair pencil to the summit of the 
 wart. Care should be taken not to allow this acid 
 to touch the surrounding skin; to prevent this the 
 ringer or hand at the base of the wart may be covered 
 with wax during the operation. 
 
 Nothing is so repulsive as to see a lady or gentle- 
 man, however well dressed they may otherwise be, 
 with nails in any degree shady, so that you are 
 tempted to exclaim, in the language of the nurseiy 
 poet, 
 
 " Did you ever behold such a black little row?" 
 
248 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 It always results from carelessness and inattention 
 to the minor details of the toilet, which is most rep- 
 rehensible. 
 
 The nails should be cut about once a week cer- 
 tainly not oftener. This should be accomplished 
 just after washing, the nail being softer at such a 
 time. Care should be taken not to cut them too 
 short, though, if they are left too long, they will 
 frequently get torn and broken. They should be 
 nicely rounded at the corners. Recollect, the filbert- 
 shaped nail is considered the most beautiful. 
 
 Never bite the nails ; it not only is a most disagree- 
 able habit, but tends to make the nails jagged, de- 
 formed and difficult to clean, besides giving a red 
 and stumpy appearance to the finger-tips. 
 
 Some people are troubled by the cuticle adhering 
 to the nail as it grows. This may be pressed down 
 with the towel after washing; or should that not 
 prove efficacious, it must be loosened round the edge 
 with some blunt instrument. 
 
 On no account scrape the nails with a view to 
 polishing their surface. Such an operation only 
 tends to make them wrinkled. 
 
 Absolute smallness of a hand is not essential to 
 beauty, which requires that the proper proportions 
 should be observed in the human figure. Many a 
 young girl remains idle for fear her hand will grow 
 larger by work. The folly of this idea is only 
 equaled by that of the Chinese woman who bandages 
 the feet of her daughter and does not permit her to 
 
FHE TOILETTE. 249 
 
 lest her feet should grow to the size Nature 
 intended them. What are our hands made for if not 
 for work? And that hand which does the most 
 work in the world is the hand most to be honored 
 and to be admired. The hand which remains small 
 through inaction is not only not beautiful, but to be 
 despised. 
 
 With proper care the hand may be retained beau- 
 tiful, soft and shapely, and yet perform its fair share 
 of labor. The hands should always be protected by 
 gloves when engaged in work calculated to injure 
 them. Gloves are imperatively required for garden- 
 work. The hands should always be washed care- 
 fully and dried thoroughly after such labor. If they 
 are roughened by soap, rinse them in a little vinegar 
 or lemon-juice, and they will become soft and smooth 
 at once. 
 
 People afflicted with moist hands should revolu- 
 tionize their habits, take more out-door exercise and 
 more frequent baths. They should adopt a nutri- 
 tious but not over-stimulating diet, and perhaps take 
 a tonic of some sort. Local applications of starch- 
 powder and the juice of lemon may be used to 
 advantage. 
 
 THE FEET. 
 
 If one would see a representation of a perfectly- 
 formed foot, let him turn to the pictures of Guide 
 and Murillo, who probably had for models the 
 shapely feet of Italian and Spanish peasants, which 
 never had known the bondage of a shoe. 
 
250 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 If a modern artist succeeds in painting a perfect 
 foot, it must be looked upon as the result of inspira- 
 tion, for surely he can find no models among the 
 shoe-tortured, pinched and deformed feet of the men 
 and women of the present day. 
 
 The writer of this book not long since had an 
 opportunity to examine the feet of a modern fashion- 
 able lady feet which, encased in their dainty gaiters, 
 were as long and narrow and as handsomely shaped 
 as the most fastidious taste could require. But what 
 a sight the bare foot presented ! In its hideous de- 
 formity there was scarcely a trace of its original 
 natural shape. The forward portion of the foot was 
 squeezed and narrowed, the toes were pressed to- 
 gether and moulded into the shape of the narrow 
 shoe. The ends of the toes, with the nails, were 
 turned down ; the big toe, instead of standing a little 
 apart from the others, was bent over toward them, 
 and its outline formed one side of a triangle, of 
 which the little toe and the ends of the intermediate 
 toes were the second side, and the end of the big 
 toe the junction of the two sides. In addition to 
 this, the toes and the ball of the big toe were cov- 
 ered with corns and calluses. 
 
 This deformity and disease, existing, no doubt, in 
 many a foot, we are called upon to regard as beauty 
 when hidden in its encasing shoe ! 
 
 A well-formed foot is broad at the sole, the toes 
 well spread, each separate toe perfect and rounded 
 in form. The nails are regular and perfect in shape 
 
THE TOILETTE. 2$ I 
 
 as those of the fingers. The second toe projects a 
 little beyond the others, and the first or big toe 
 stands slightly apart from the rest and is slightly 
 lifted, as we see in Murillo's beautiful picture of 
 the infant St. John. 
 
 A perfectly-shaped foot can hardly be hoped for 
 in these days, when children's feet are encased in 
 shoes from earliest infancy and Nature is not al- 
 lowed to have her way at all. In those country 
 places where children are allowed to run barefoot 
 during the summer there is still some trace of 
 beauty left ; and instead of its being regarded as a 
 misfortune to be thus deprived of feet-covering, it 
 should be esteemed an advantage. 
 
 The feet, from the circumstance of their being so 
 much confined by boots and shoes, require more 
 care in washing than the rest of the body. Yet 
 they do not always get this care. " How is it," 
 asked a French lady, " that we are always washing 
 our hands, while we never wash our feet?" We 
 trust this statement of the case is not quite true, 
 though we fear that with some individuals it some- 
 what approaches it. The hands receive frequent 
 washings every day. Once a week is quite as 
 often as many people bestow the same attention 
 upon their feet. 
 
 " How dirty your hands are !" exclaimed an as- 
 tonished acquaintance to Lady Montague, whom 
 she met in public with hands most decidedly un- 
 washed. 
 
OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 "Ah!" replied that lady, in a tone of the utmost 
 unconcern ; " what would you say if you saw my 
 feet?" 
 
 And what would we say if we saw many people's 
 feet? That they needed washing, certainly. A 
 tepid bath, at about 80 or 90, should be used. 
 The feet may remain in the water about five min- 
 utes, and the instant they are taken out they should 
 be rapidly and thoroughly dried by being well 
 rubbed with a coarse towel. Sometimes bran is 
 used in the water. 
 
 Few things are more invigorating and refreshing 
 after a long walk or getting wet in the feet than 
 a tepid foot-bath, clean stockings and a pair of easy 
 shoes. 
 
 After the bath is the time for paring the toe- 
 nails, as they are so much softer and more pliant 
 after having been immersed in warm water. 
 
 Some people are troubled with moist or damp 
 feet. This complaint arises more particularly dur- 
 ing the hot weather in summer-time, and the great- 
 est care and cleanliness should be exercised in re- 
 spect to it. Persons so afflicted should wash their 
 feet twice a day in soap and warm water, after 
 which they should put on clean socks. Should 
 this fail to effect a cure, they may, after being 
 washed as above, be rinsed, and then thoroughly 
 rubbed with a mixture consisting of half a pint of 
 warm water and three tablespoonfuls of concen- 
 trated solution of chloride of soda. 
 
THE TOILETTE. 
 
 People who walk much are frequently afflicted 
 with blisters, and many are the plans adopted for 
 their prevention. Some soap their socks, some pour 
 spirits in their shoes, others rub their feet with glyce- 
 rine. The great point, however, is to have easy, 
 well-fitting boots and woolen socks. Should blis- 
 ters occur, a very good plan is to pass a large darn- 
 ing-needle threaded with worsted through the blis- 
 ter lengthwise, leaving an inch or so of the thread 
 outside at each end. This keeps the scurf-skin close 
 to the true skin, and prevents any grit or dirt enter- 
 ing. The thread absorbs the matter, and the old 
 skin remains till the new one grows. A blister 
 should not be punctured save in this manner, as it 
 may degenerate into a sore and become very trou- 
 blesome. 
 
 To avoid chilblains on the feet it is necessary to 
 observe three rules: I. Avoid getting the feet wet; 
 if they become so, change the shoes and stockings 
 at once. 2. Wear lamb's wool socks or stockings. 
 3. Never under any circumstances "toast your toes " 
 before the fire, especially if you are very cold. Fre- 
 quent bathing of the feet in a strong solution of 
 alum is useful in preventing the coming of chil- 
 blains. 
 
 On the first indication of any redness of the toes 
 and sensation of itching it would be well to rub 
 them carefully with warm spirits of rosemary, to 
 which a little turpentine has been added. Then a 
 piece of lint soaked in camphorated spirits, opodel- 
 
254 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 doc or camphor liniment may be applied and re- 
 tained on the part. 
 
 Should the chilblain break, dress it twice daily 
 with a plaster of equal parts of lard and beeswax, 
 with half the quantity in weight of oil of turpentine. 
 
 The toe-nails do not grow so fast as the finger- 
 nails, but they should be looked after and trimmed 
 at least once a fortnight. They are much more sub- 
 ject to irregularity of growth than the finger-nails, 
 owing to their confined position. If the nails show 
 a tendency to grow in at the sides, the feet should 
 be bathed in hot water, pieces of lint be introduced 
 beneath the parts with an inward tendency, and the 
 nail itself scraped longitudinally. 
 
 Pare the toe-nails squarer than those of the fin- 
 gers. Keep them a moderate length long enough 
 to protect the toe, but not so long as to cut holes in 
 the stockings. Always cut the nails ; never tear 
 them, as is too frequently the practice. Be careful 
 not to destroy the spongy substance below the nails, 
 as that is the great guard to prevent them going into 
 the quick. 
 
 It is tolerably safe to say that those who wear 
 loose, easy-fitting shoes and boots will never be 
 troubled with corns. Some people are more liable 
 to corns than others, and some will persist in 
 the use of tightly-fitting shoes in spite of corns. 
 Though these latter really deserve to suffer, it is 
 still our duty to do what we can to remove that 
 suffering. 
 
THE TOILETTE. 2$$ 
 
 The remedies for this evil are innumerable. 
 There is no doubt, however, that corns are the result 
 of undue pressure and friction. According to the old 
 formula, " Remove the cause, and the effect will 
 cease." But how to remove it? As a general 
 preventive against corns adopt the plan of having 
 several pairs of shoes or boots in constant use, and 
 change every day. Each pair will press on the feet 
 in a different way. When the corn has asserted 
 itself, felt corn-plasters may be procured of the drug- 
 gist, taking care that you cut the aperture in them 
 large enough to prevent any portion of them press- 
 ing on the edges of the corn. Before long the corn 
 will disappear. 
 
 The great fault with modern shoes is that their 
 soles are made too narrow. If one would secure 
 perfect healthfulness of the feet, he should go to a 
 shoemaker and step with his stockinged feet on a 
 sheet of paper. Let the shoemaker mark with a 
 pencil upon the paper the exact size of his foot, and 
 then make him a shoe whose sole shall be as broad 
 as this outlined foot. 
 
 Still more destructive of the beauty and symmetry 
 of our women's feet have been the high, narrow 
 heels so much worn lately. They made it difficult 
 to walk, and even in some cases permanently crip- 
 pled the feet. 
 
 A shoe, to be comfortable, should have a broad 
 sole and a heel of moderate height, say one-half an 
 inch, as broad at the bottom as at the top. 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 GENERAL RULES IN REGARD TO DRESS. 
 
 F'ASHION is called a despot; but if men are 
 willing nay, eager to become its slaves, we 
 ought not to upbraid Fashion. The worst of it is 
 that the man who rebels against Fashion is even 
 more open to the imputation of vanity than he who 
 obeys her, because he makes himself conspicuous 
 and practically announces that he is wiser than his 
 kind. As despotic as Fashion may be, her despotism 
 is exceeded by the class of persons who array them- 
 selves as distinctively "anti-fashion." They will 
 recognize no good in any prevailing style, nor will 
 they, if they can help it, allow others to do so. 
 Setting themselves up as the arbiters in taste and 
 health as they pertain to dress, they do not consent 
 that others shall exercise a like freedom, but insist 
 that all shall conform to their standard. 
 
 FOLLOWING THE FASHIONS IN MODERATION. 
 
 There cannot be greater vulgarity than an affecta- 
 tion of superior simplicity in dress. Between the 
 two extremes a man of sense and modesty will only 
 follow fashion so far as not to make himself peculiar 
 by opposing it. 
 
 256 
 
GENERAL RULES IN REGARD TO DRESS. 2$7 
 
 A sensible man, when fashion declares that coats 
 shall be cut off and made into mere jackets, does not 
 immediately appear in the streets with the shortest 
 tail of them all. He is content to wear out his old 
 coats, and only adopts the new fashion in modera- 
 tion when to do otherwise would make him a marked 
 object wherever he went. When it is ordered that 
 tails shall grow again, neither does he make haste to 
 be seen with coat-tails flapping about his heels, but is 
 satisfied with moderation in length, as he was before 
 in brevity. 
 
 A sensible woman, when fashion ordains that 
 braid upon braid shall be piled upon her head, re- 
 gardless of the scant supply with which Nature has 
 furnished her, may find herself obliged to adopt 
 false braids, but she accepts the minimum instead 
 of the maximum which fashion indicates. 
 
 A sensible woman will not go lank and hoopless 
 when prevailing modes indicate great rotundity of 
 the skirt. She will use garniture moderately when 
 others adopt it profusely ; she certainly will not dis- 
 card it entirely. There is one thing a sensible 
 woman will not do, whatever fashion may insist 
 upon she will not allow her dress to trail and 
 catch the mud and filth of the street, though all 
 the feminine world pass by her in bedraggled 
 skirts. 
 
 LADIES' UNDERCLOTHING. 
 In the matter of underclothing fashion does not 
 
 17 
 
OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 rule supreme. Each one is left in a measure to 
 suit her own taste and convenience. 
 
 A lady's underclothing should always be neatly 
 made, fine, white and scrupulously clean. If there 
 is ornament, let it be delicate rather than showy. 
 A neat row of fine stitching is more indicative of a 
 lady than a multitude of edgings and insertions of 
 imitation lace or cheap embroidery. 
 
 Both ladies and gentlemen should wear flannel 
 underneath all their other garments, during the win- 
 ter at least. Some physicians say during the sum- 
 mer also, but that must be optional with the indi- 
 vidual. Suitable underwear can be found already 
 made at the furnishing stores. 
 
 In ladies' apparel, next to this underwear comes 
 the chemise and drawers, or a garment which is 
 made to do service for both. In some respects 
 this latter garment is preferable to the two separate 
 garments, and is in common use in Europe, while 
 it is being introduced here. It should be made 
 with high neck and long sleeves, and at the neck 
 may be buttons to which to fasten the collar or ruff, 
 at the wrists buttons for cuffs. This garment saves 
 the extra clothing around the waist, also the binding 
 of the drawers, which, in order to keep them in their 
 proper place, are apt to be fastened too tightly, 
 and thus sensibly interfere with the functions of the 
 body. 
 
 Next to this come the stays, or if they are not 
 worn a waist which serves as a skirt-supporter. If 
 
GENERAL RULES IN REGARD TO DRESS. 259 
 
 stays are worn, they should never be laced tightly, 
 should always have shoulder-straps of some sort, 
 and the bones and steels which stiffen them should 
 be few and flexible as possible. 
 
 The waist, if adopted instead of stays, should fit 
 the body loosely and have rows of buttons around 
 the waist by which to suspend all the skirts which 
 may be worn, so that their weight shall depend from 
 the shoulders instead of resting upon the hips. 
 This is an important matter; and mothers should see 
 to it that their young daughters' garments are prop- 
 erly arranged in this respect if they would have 
 them escape the illnesses to which women are pecu- 
 liarly subject. As few skirts should be worn as pos- 
 sible, the required warmth being supplied by added 
 clothing upon the limbs. 
 
 OUTER DRESSES. 
 
 Concerning outer dresses there can be no special 
 directions given save that every true lady, while she 
 conforms sufficiently to the fashion not to be con- 
 spicuous, at the same time avoids all its absurdities. 
 Of dress for separate occasions we will speak in de- 
 tail further on. 
 
 GENTLEMEN'S UNDERWEAR. 
 
 A gentleman may wear colored shirts in the 
 morning, but they should never be of glaring colors 
 nor conspicuous patterns. With a colored shirt a 
 white collar and wristbands should always be worn. 
 
260 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 There are few general directions to be given con- 
 cerning a gentleman's underwear. Gentlemen find 
 these articles prepared ready to their hand at the 
 furnishing stores, and are not obliged to give the 
 same thought and attention to them that ladies are. 
 
 APPROPRIATE DRESS. 
 
 Ladies and gentlemen will always dress according 
 to their age, their pecuniary circumstances, the hour 
 of the day, the special occasion and their surround- 
 ings. For an old person to assume the light colors 
 and the simplicity of youth is no' more incongruous 
 than for the young to put on the richness of dress 
 and abundant jewelry belonging to advanced life. 
 
 One does not come down in full dress to breakfast, 
 nor wear a wrapper or shooting-jacket to a ceremo- 
 nious dinner. A rich man may be forgiven for wear* 
 ing a threadbare coat, but a poor man is inexcusable 
 for appearing in fine broadcloth and dressing his 
 wife and daughters in silks, velvets and diamonds. 
 One should not go in mourning to a wedding, nor 
 don light colors for a funeral. Nor need one in a 
 neighborhood of unusual simplicity appear adorned 
 in the very height of the latest fashions. All these 
 things would be vulgarities and indicate the doer as 
 devoid of good breeding, if not of good sense. 
 
 General rules may be laid down in regard to dress 
 which will apply to all persons, all places and all 
 seasons. 
 
 It is the duty of every one to dress well and be- 
 
GENERAL RULES IN REGARD TO DA ESS. 26 1 
 
 comingly. Dress has much to do with the estima- 
 tion in which others hold us. And there aie few if 
 any of us who do not feel more at ease and possess 
 more self-confidence with the consciousness that we 
 are becomingly and appropriately dressed. 
 
 COLORS IN DRESS. 
 
 Sir Joshua Reynolds says, " Color is the last 
 attainment of excellence in every school of painting." 
 And the same may be said in regard to the art of 
 using colors in dress. Nevertheless, it is the first 
 thing to which we should give our attention and 
 study. 
 
 We put bright colors upon our little children, we 
 dress our young girls in light and delicate shades, 
 the blooming matron is justified in adopting the 
 warm, rich hues which we see in the autumn leaf, 
 while black and neutral tints are declared appropriate 
 to the old. This is all right, and forms the basis 
 upon which to build our structure of color. 
 
 Having decided what colors may be worn, it is 
 next in importance to know how they may be worn. 
 One color should predominate in the dress ; and if 
 another is adopted, it should be in a limited quantity 
 and only by way of contrast or harmony. Some 
 colors may never, under any circumstances, be worn 
 together, because they produce positive discord to 
 the eye. If the dress be blue, red should never be 
 introduced by way of trimming, or vice versa. Red 
 and blue, red and yellow, blue and yellow, and scar- 
 
262 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 let and crimson may never be united in the same 
 costume. If the dress be red, green may be intro- 
 duced in a minute quantity ; if blue, orange ; if green, 
 crimson. Scarlet and solferino are deadly enemies, 
 each killing the other whenever they meet. 
 
 Two contrasting colors, such as red and green, 
 may not be used in equal quantities in the dress, as 
 they are both so positive in tone that they divide 
 and distract the attention. When two colors are 
 worn in any quantity, one must approach a neutral 
 tint, such as gray or drab. Black may be worn with 
 any color, though it looks best with the lighter 
 shades of the different colors. White may also be 
 worn with any color, though it looks best with the 
 darker tones. Thus white and crimson, black and 
 pink, each contrast better and have a richer effect 
 than though the black were united with the crimson 
 and the white with the pink. Drab, being a shade 
 of no color between black and white, may be worn 
 with equal effect with all. 
 
 A person of very fair, delicate complexion should 
 always wear the most delicate of tints, such as light 
 blue, mauve and pea-green. A brunette requires 
 bright colors, such as scarlet and orange, to bring 
 out the brilliant tints in her complexion. A florid 
 face and auburn hair call for blue. 
 
 There are many shades of complexions which 
 cannot be described here, the peculiar colors to suit 
 which can only be discovered by actual experiment; 
 and if the persons with these various complexions 
 
GENERAL RULES IN REGARD TO DRESS. 263 
 
 cannot judge for themselves, they must seek the 
 opinion of some acquaintance with an artistically 
 trained eye. 
 
 Black hair has its color and depth enhanced by 
 scarlet, orange or white, and will bear diamonds, 
 pearls or lustreless gold. 
 
 Dark-brown hair will bear light blue, or dark blue 
 in a lesser quantity. 
 
 If the hair has no richness of coloring, a pale, 
 yellowish green will by reflection produce the lack- 
 ing warm tint. 
 
 Light-brown hair requires blue, which sets off to 
 advantage the golden tint. 
 
 Pure golden or yellow hair needs blue, and its 
 beauty is also increased by the addition of pearls or 
 white flowers. 
 
 Auburn hair, if verging on the red, needs scarlet 
 to tone it down. If of a golden red, blue, green, 
 purple or black will bring out the richness of its 
 tints. 
 
 Flaxen hair requires blue. 
 
 MATERIAL FOR DRESS. 
 
 The material for dress must be selected with ref- 
 erence to the purpose which it is to serve. No one 
 buys a yellow satin dress for the promenade, yet a 
 yellow satin seen by gaslight is beautiful as an even- 
 ing-dress. Neither would one buy a heavy serge of 
 neutral tint for an opera-dress. 
 
264 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 SIZE IN RELATION TO DRESS AND COLORS. 
 
 A small person may dress in light colors which 
 would be simply ridiculous on a person of larger 
 proportions. So a lady of majestic appearance 
 should never wear white, but will be seen to the 
 best advantage in black or dark tints. A lady of 
 diminutive stature is dressed in bad taste when she 
 appears in a garment with large figures, plaids or 
 stripes. Neither should a lady of large proportions 
 be seen in similar garments, because, united with her 
 size, they give her a " loud " appearance. Indeed, 
 pronounced figures and broad stripes and plaids are 
 never in perfect taste, whatever a capricious fashion 
 may say in the matter. 
 
 Heavy, rich materials suit a tall figure, while light 
 full draperies should only be worn by those of slen- 
 der proportions and not too short. The very short 
 and stout must be content with meagre drapery 
 and quiet colors. 
 
 Tall and slim persons should avoid stripes, short, 
 chunky ones flounces or any horizontal trimming 
 of the dress which, by breaking the outline from 
 the waist to the feet, produces an effect of short- 
 ening. 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 MORNING-DRESS FOR HOUSE AND STREET. 
 
 A LADY may appear in a wrapper in the morn- 
 ing, but it should be clean and fresh, and sup- 
 plemented with spotless collar and cuffs, and with a 
 bright knot of ribbon or bunch of flowers at the 
 throat. No jewelry should be worn at this hour of 
 the day save plain rings, brooch and watch and 
 chain. 
 
 MORNING-DRESS FOR HOME. 
 
 A dress for morning wear at home may be simpler 
 than for visiting or for hotel or boarding-house. A 
 busy housewife will find it desirable to protect her 
 dress with an ample apron. The hair should be 
 plainly arranged, without ornament. 
 
 MORNING-DRESS FOR VISITOR. 
 
 For breakfasting in public or at the house of an- 
 other the loose wrapper is inadmissible. A dress 
 with a closely-fitting waist must take its place. This 
 for summer may be of cambric, pique, marseilles, or 
 other wash-goods, either white or figured ; in winter 
 plain woollen goods, simply made and quietly trim- 
 med, should be adopted. 
 
 265 
 
266 ' OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 Breakfast-caps daintily made of lace may be worn, 
 but they must not serve as an excuse for uncombed 
 or carelessly arranged hair. 
 
 MORNING-DRESS FOR STREET. 
 
 The morning-dress for the street should be quiet 
 in color, plainly made and of serviceable material. 
 The dress should be short enough to clear the 
 ground without collecting mud and garbage. White 
 skirts are out of place, the colored ones now found 
 everywhere in furnishing and other stores being 
 much more appropriate. 
 
 Jewelry is entirely out of place in any of the semi- 
 business errands which take a lady from her home 
 in the morning. Lisle thread gloves in summer and 
 cloth ones in winter will be found more serviceable 
 than kid ones. Linen collar and cuffs are more suit- 
 able than elaborate neck and wrist dressing. Street 
 walking-boots of kid should be worn. 
 
 The bonnet or hat should be quiet and inex- 
 pensive, matching the dress as nearly as possible, 
 and displaying no superfluous ornament. 
 
 In stormy weather a large waterproof with hood 
 will be found more convenient than an umbrella, 
 which is always troublesome to carry and often dif- 
 ficult to manage. 
 
 BUSINESS WOMAN'S DRESS. 
 
 There are so many women who are engaged in 
 literature, art or business of some sort that it 
 
MORNING-DRESS. 267 
 
 seems really necessary that they should have a dis- 
 tinctive dress suited to their special needs. This 
 dress need not be so peculiar as to mark them out 
 for objects of observation wherever they go, but 
 still it should differ somewhat from the ordinary 
 walking-costume of the sex. Its material should, 
 as a rule, be more serviceable, better fitted to en- 
 dure the vicissitudes of weather, and of quiet colors, 
 such as browns or grays, not easily soiled. 
 
 This costume must not be made with quite 
 Quaker-like simplicity, but it should at least dis- 
 pense with all superfluities in the way of trimming 
 puffs which crush and crumple, bows which are 
 in the way, and heavy flounces which weigh down 
 the skirt. It ought to be made with special refer- 
 ence to easy locomotion and to the free use of the 
 hands and arms. 
 
 Linen cuffs and collar are best suited to this 
 dress, gloves which can be easily removed, street 
 walking-boots and no jewelry save plain cuff-but- 
 tons, brooch and the indispensable adjunct of the 
 business woman, a watch and chain. The hat or 
 bonnet should be neat and pretty, but with few 
 flowers or feathers to be wilted or drooped by the 
 first falling shower. 
 
 For winter wear waterproof tastefully made up is 
 the very best material for a business woman's dress. 
 
 THE PROMENADE. 
 The dress for the promenade admits of greater 
 
268 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 richness in material, brilliancy in color and variety 
 in trimming than that of the business- or errand- 
 dress. It should, however, display no two incon- 
 gruous colors, and had best be in one tint, except 
 where a contrasting or harmonizing color is intro- 
 duced in the way of ornament, in a bow at the neck 
 or a flower upon the hat. 
 
 The dress for the promenade should be in perfect 
 harmony with itself. One article should not be new 
 and another shabby. The gloves may not be of one 
 color, the bonnet of another, and the parasol of a 
 third. All the colors worn should at least harmonize 
 if they are not strictly identical. 
 
 The collars and cuffs must be of lace, the gloves 
 of kid, selected to harmonize or contrast with the 
 leading color of the dress, and perfect in fit. No 
 jewelry should be worn save cuff-buttons, bracelets 
 and ear-rings of plain gold, a watch-chain and hand 
 some brooch. 
 
 The material of a walking-suit may be as rich or 
 as plain as the wearer's taste may dictate or means 
 justify, but it must always be well made and never 
 be allowed to grow shabby. It is better to avoid 
 bright colors and use them only in decoration. 
 Black has come to be adopted very generally for 
 street-dresses ; but while it is becoming for most in- 
 dividuals, it gives to the promenade a somewhat 
 sombre look. 
 
 In the country walking-dresses must be made for 
 service rather than display, and what would be per- 
 
MORNING-DRESS. 269 
 
 fectly appropriate for the streets of a city would be 
 entirely out of place on the muddy, unpaved walks 
 or paths of a small town or among the unpretending 
 population of a country neighborhood. 
 
 The promenade-dress, whether for city or country, 
 is always made short enough to clear the ground. 
 
CHAPTER IV. 
 
 RIDING-, DRIVING- AND VISITING-DRESSES. 
 
 A LADY who wishes to maintain a reputation 
 for always being well dressed will be scrupu- 
 lous in suiting her toilet to the special occasion for 
 which it is worn. She will not appear on foot upon 
 the streets in a dress suited only for the carriage, nor 
 will she either walk or drive in a costume appropriate 
 alone for the house. 
 
 CARRIAGE-DRESS. 
 
 The dress for a drive through the streets of a 
 city or along a fashionable drive or park can scarcely 
 be too rich in material. Silks, velvets and laces are 
 all appropriate, with rich jewelry and costly furs. 
 
 The carriage-dress may be long enough to trail 
 if fashion so indicates, though many prefer to use 
 the short walking-dress length. 
 
 For country driving a different style of dress is 
 required to protect against the mud or dust. It 
 seems hardly necessary to describe the dress suitable 
 for country driving, for each lady is capable of select- 
 ing for herself, bearing in mind that the dress is worn 
 for protection and not for mere show. 
 
 270 
 
RIDING; ETC., DRESSES. 2? I 
 
 If the lady drives herself, she will require wash- 
 leather or cloth gloves, for handling the reins will 
 ruin kid or thread ones. 
 
 RIDING-DRESS. 
 
 There is no place where a handsome woman 
 appears to better advantage than upon horseback. 
 We will take it for granted that our lady has acquired 
 properly the art of riding. Next she must be pro- 
 vided with a becoming habit. Her habit must fit 
 perfectly without being tight. The skirt must be 
 full and long enough to well cover the feet, while it 
 is best to omit the extreme length, which subjects 
 the dress to mud-spatterings and may prove a seri- 
 ous entanglement to the feet in case of accident. 
 
 A lady in donning the riding costume must take 
 off all skirts and put on drawers of the same ma- 
 terial as her habit. The boots must be stout and 
 the gloves gauntleted. 
 
 Waterproof is the most serviceable cloth for a 
 riding costume, though broadcloth is more dressy. 
 Something lighter may be worn in summer. In the 
 lighter costume a row or two of shot must be 
 stitched in the bottom of the breadths of the left side 
 to keep the skirt from blowing up in the wind. 
 
 The riding-dress is usually made to fit the waist 
 closely and button nearly to the throat. Above a 
 small collar or reverse on the waist is shown a plain 
 linen collar, fastened at the throat with bright or 
 black necktie. Coat sleeves should come to the 
 
2/2 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 wrist, with linen cuffs beneath them. No lace or 
 embroidery is allowable in a riding costume. 
 
 It is well to have the waist attached to a skirt of 
 the usual length and the long skirt fastened over it, 
 so that if any mishap obliges the lady to dismount 
 she may easily remove the long overskirt and still 
 be properly dressed. 
 
 The hair must be put up compactly, and neither 
 curls nor veil should be allowed to stream in the 
 wind. No jewelry save that absolutely required to 
 fasten the dress, and that of the plainest kind, is 
 allowable. 
 
 All ruffling, puffing or bows in the trimming of 
 a riding-dress is out of place. Trimming, if used at 
 all, must be put on in perfectly flat bands or be of 
 braiding. 
 
 The shape of the hat will vary with the fashion, 
 but it should always be plainly trimmed ; and if 
 feathers are worn, they must be fastened so that the 
 wind cannot by any possibility blow them over their 
 wearer's eyes. 
 
 VISITING AND RECEIVING CALLS. 
 
 Calls may be made in either walking- or carriage- 
 dress, always provided the carriage-dress is justified 
 by the presence of the carriage itself. The dress 
 should be of silk, with velvet cloak in winter and 
 lace one in summer; collar and cuffs of the finest 
 lace, light gloves, a full-dress bonnet and jewelry of 
 gold, either dead, burnished or enameled, or of 
 
RIDING; ETC., DRESSES. 2?$ 
 
 cameo or coral. Glittering stones are not worn by 
 daylight. 
 
 A dress of black or neutral tint in which light 
 colors are introduced only in small quantities is 
 the most appropriate for a morning call, and the 
 only one sure to be in harmony with the furniture 
 and surroundings of the different reception-rooms 
 against which it must be displayed. 
 
 DRESS FOR RECEIVING CALLS. 
 
 The dress of a hostess differs with the occasion 
 on which she is called to receive her guests, and 
 also with the social position and means of the 
 wearer. 
 
 A lady whose mornings are devoted to superin- 
 tendence of domestic affairs may and should receive 
 a casual caller in her ordinary morning-dress, which 
 must be neat yet plain, devoid of superfluous orna- 
 ments or jewelry. 
 
 If a lady sets aside a special day for the reception 
 of calls, she must be dressed with more care to do 
 honor to her visitors. Her dress may be of silk or 
 other goods suitable to the season or to her position, 
 but must be of quiet colors and plainly worn. 
 
 White plain linen collar and cuffs belong to the 
 plain morning-dress ; lace should be worn with the 
 ceremonious dress, and a certain amount of jewelry 
 is also admissible. 
 
 For New Year's or other calls of special signifi- 
 cance the dress should be rich, and may be elabor- 
 
 18 
 
2/4 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 ately trimmed. If the parlors are closed and the gas 
 lighted, full evening-dress is required. 
 
 DINNER-DRESS. 
 
 We do not in this country, as in England, expose 
 the neck and arms at a dinner-party. These should 
 be covered, if not by the dress itself, then by lace or 
 muslin overwaist or cape and sleeves. 
 
 DRESS OF HOSTESS. 
 
 The hostess' dress should be rich in material, but 
 subdued in tone, in order that she may not eclipse 
 any of her guests. A young hostess should wear a 
 dress of rich silk, black or dark in color, with collar 
 and cuffs of fine lace, and plain jewelry by daylight, 
 or, if the dinner is by gaslight, glittering stones. 
 
 An elderly lady may wear satin, moire antique or 
 velvet, with rich lace. If gloves are worn before 
 dinner, they are withdrawn at the dinner-table. 
 
 DRESS OF GUESTS AT DINNER-PARTY. 
 
 The dress of a guest at a dinner-party is less 
 showy than that for evening; still, it maybe very 
 rich. Silks and velvets for winter and light, rich 
 goods for summer, which latter may be worn over 
 silk, are the most appropriate. 
 
 Young unmarried ladies should wear dresses of 
 lighter materials and tints than married ones. Mid- 
 dle-aged and married ladies should wear silks heavier 
 
RIDING; ETC., DRESSES. 2?$ 
 
 in quality and richer in tone, and elderly ladies 
 satins, velvets and moire antiques. 
 
 All the light neutral tints and black, dark blue, 
 purple, dark green, garnet, brown and fawn are 
 suited for dinner wear. But whatever color the 
 dress may be, it is best to try its effect by day- 
 light and gaslight both, since many a color which 
 will look well in daylight may look extremely ugly 
 in artificial light. 
 
CHAPTER V. 
 EVENING COSTUMES. 
 
 NO matter how richly or well dressed a lady 
 may appear in public, she can lay no claim to 
 delicacy and refinement if she do not give an equal 
 amount of thought and attention to her home-dress. 
 This dress need not be so expensive and should not 
 be so elaborate, but it should be neat, tasteful, of 
 perfect fit and of becoming colors. 
 
 ORDINARY EVENING-DRESS. 
 
 A lady should always be prepared for casual vis- 
 itors in the evening. The house-dress should be 
 tasteful and becoming, made with a certain amount 
 of ornament and worn with lace and jewelry. Silks 
 are the most appropriate for this dress, but all the 
 heavy woolen dress fabrics for winter and the lighter 
 lawns and organdies for summer, elegantly made, are 
 suitable. 
 
 For winter the colors should be rich and warm, 
 and knots of bright ribbon should be worn at the 
 throat and in the hair. The latter should be dressed 
 plainly, with no ornament save a ribbon. Artificial 
 
 276 
 
EVENING COSTUMES. 277 
 
 flowers are out of place, and glittering gems are only 
 worn on more important occasions. 
 
 DRESS FOR EVENING CALL. 
 
 t 
 
 Those who pay a casual evening call will dress in 
 similar style, though somewhat more elaborately. 
 More pains may be taken with the coiffure. A hood 
 should not be worn unless it is intended to remove 
 it during the call. Otherwise a full-dress bonnet 
 must be upon the head. 
 
 DRESS FOR SOCIAL PARTY. 
 
 For the social evening-party the rules just given 
 regarding dress will apply, save that somewhat more 
 latitude is allowed in the choice of colors, material, 
 trimmings, etc. Dresses should be worn covering 
 the arms and shoulders ; or if they are cut low in 
 the neck and with short sleeves, puffed illusion 
 waists or some similar device should be employed 
 to cover the neck and arms. 
 
 Dark silks are very dressy relieved by white lace 
 and glittering gems are admirable. Gloves may or 
 may not be worn. If worn, they should be white or 
 of some light tint harmonizing with the dress. 
 
 THE SOIREE AND BALL. 
 
 These two occasions call for the richest dress. 
 The former usually requires dark, rich colors and 
 heavy material, the latter far lighter tints and goods. 
 The richest velvets, the brightest and most delicate 
 
278 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 tints in silk, the most expensive laces, low neck and 
 short sleeves, elaborate coiffures, the greatest display 
 of gems, artificial flowers for the headdress, bouquet 
 de corsage and ornaments upon the skirt, natural 
 ones in the hand bouquet, all belong more or less 
 to these occasions. 
 
 Still, it is possible to be over-dressed. It is best to 
 aim at being as well dressed as the rest, yet not to 
 outdo others or render one's self conspicuous. A 
 lady must also consider her years, her means, the 
 importance of the occasion, her complexion, size and 
 general costume in selecting for herself a dress for 
 ball-room or soiree. 
 
 The colors of an evening-dress should always be 
 tried by gaslight, for some tints which are beautiful 
 by daylight lose all their character when worn in the 
 evening, and look faded and hideous. 
 
 White kid gloves and white satin boots always 
 belong to these costumes unless the overdress is of 
 black lace, when black satin boots or slippers are 
 required. 
 
 It is impossible to give any special directions 
 concerning these dresses, as fashion is so constantly 
 changing; and that style which is acceptable one 
 season is entirely out of date another. 
 
CHAPTER VI. 
 
 COSTUMES FOR PUBLIC PLACES, 
 
 THE dress worn in public must always be suited 
 to the special place where it is to appear. Thus, 
 for church the material should be rich rather than 
 showy. For the opera the extreme of brilliancy is 
 allowable. 
 
 DRESS FOR CHURCH. 
 
 The dress for church should be characterized by 
 plainness and simplicity. It should be of dark, quiet 
 colors for winter, and there should be no superfluous 
 trimming or jewelry. It should, in fact, be the 
 plainest of promenade-dresses, since church is not 
 intended as a place for the display of elaborate toi- 
 lets, and as no woman of consideration and right 
 feeling would wish to make her own expensive and 
 showy toilet an excuse to another woman, who could 
 not afford to dress in a similar manner, for not attend- 
 ing divine worship. 
 
 DRESS FOR THE THEATRE. 
 
 The ordinary promenade-dress is the suitable one 
 for the theatre, with the addition of a handsome 
 
 279 
 
280 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 shawl or cloak, which may be thrown aside if it be- 
 come uncomfortable. Either the bonnet or hat may 
 be worn. In some cities it is customary to remove 
 the bonnet in the theatre a custom which is sanc- 
 tioned by good sense and a kind consideration of 
 those who sit behind, but which has not yet the au- 
 thority of etiquette. The dress should be, in all 
 respects, quiet and plain, without any attempt at dis- 
 play. Gloves should be dark, harmonizing with the 
 costume. 
 
 DRESS FOR LECTURE AND CONCERT. 
 
 Lecture- and concert-halls call for a little more 
 elaboration in toilet. Silk is the most appropriate 
 material for the dress, and should be worn with lace 
 collar and cuffs and jewelry. If the bonnet is worn, 
 it should be handsome; and if it is removed, the 
 coiffure should be somewhat elaborately made, with 
 either ribbons or flowers. White or light kid gloves 
 should be upon the hands. A rich shawl or velvet 
 promenade cloaK or opera cloak is an appropriate 
 finish. The latter may be kept on the shoulders 
 during the evening. The handkerchief should be 
 fine and delicate; the fan of a color to harmonize 
 with the dress. 
 
 DRESS FOR THE OPERA. 
 
 The opera calls out the richest of all costumes. 
 The lady goes to the opera not only to see but to be 
 seen, and her dress must be adopted with a full real- 
 
COSTUMES FOR PUBLIC PLACES. 28 1 
 
 ization of the thousand gaslights which will bring 
 out its merits and defects, and of the hundred lor- 
 gnettes which will be no less spying. 
 
 The material of the dress should be heavy enough 
 to bear the crush of the place, rich in color and 
 splendid in its arrangement and trimming. The 
 headdress should be of flowers, ribbons, lace or 
 feathers whatever may be the prevailing style 
 and the head must be uncovered. If, however, it is 
 found necessary to have the head protected, a bonnet 
 of the lightest, daintiest character must be adopted. 
 If a bonnet is worn, the arms and neck must be 
 covered. 
 
 Jewelry of the heaviest and richest description is 
 admissible in this place, and there is no occasion 
 when the glitter of gems will be seen to better ad- 
 vantage. 
 
 White kids or those of light, delicate tints are 
 indispensable. 
 
 A most important adjunct to an opera-costume is 
 the cloak or wrap. This may be white or of some 
 brilliant color. White and gold, scarlet and gold, 
 green and gold or Roman stripe are all very ef- 
 fective when worn with appropriate dresses. White 
 ermine capes are beautiful when lined with white 
 satin or colored silk and finished with heavy white 
 cord and tassels. 
 
 Lace, either black or white, may be adopted with 
 great advantage in an opera-dress. Pink, purple, 
 orange and most light tints require black lace, 
 
282 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 while the neutral shades may be worn with either 
 white or black. 
 
 Blue and yellow should both be avoided in an 
 opera-dress, as neither bears the light well. Green 
 requires gold as a contrasting color ; crimson, black. 
 
 The lorgnette, the fan, the bouquet and dainty 
 handkerchief must all have due consideration and 
 be in keeping with the other portions of the dress. 
 Thus a lady in pink should avoid a bouquet in which 
 scarlet flowers predominate. 
 
 CROQUET AND SKATING COSTUMES. 
 
 Skating is to winter what croquet is to summer, 
 and the requirements of their costumes, in all but 
 material, are similar. Both call for a greater bril- 
 liancy in coloring than any other out-of-door cos- 
 tume. They should both be short, displaying a 
 handsomely fitting but stout boot. Both should be 
 arranged, by the use of close-fitting sacques, to leave 
 the arms perfectly free. 
 
 Croquet gloves should be soft and washable ; 
 skating gloves thick and warm. Kid is not suitable 
 on either occasion. 
 
 The hat for croquet should have a broad brim, so 
 as to shield the face from the sun and render a para- 
 sol unnecessary. 
 
 Velvet trimmed with fur, with turban hat of the 
 same, and gloves and boots also fur bordered, com- 
 bine to "make the most elegant skating costume 
 imaginable. But any of the soft, warm, bright-colored ' 
 
COSTUMES FOR PUBLIC PLACES. 283 
 
 woolen fabrics are quite as suitable, if not so rich. 
 A costume of Scotch plaid is in excellent taste. If 
 cold tints, such as blue or green, are worn, they 
 should be relieved with trimmings of warm, dark 
 furs. Silk is not suitable for a skating costume. 
 
 White furs should only be worn by experienced 
 skaters, for they easily become soiled by the noviti- 
 ate in tumbles upon the ice. 
 
 The boot should be amply loose, or the wearer 
 will suffer with cold or frozen feet. 
 
 COSTUMES FOR COUNTRY AND SEA-SIDE. 
 
 We cannot pretend to write a full description of 
 the wardrobe which the lady of fashion takes, or 
 desires to take, with her to the country or sea-side 
 resort. But there are general rules which apply to 
 many things, and which all must more or less ob- 
 serve. Let the show wardrobe be ever so numerous, 
 there must be a certain number of costumes suited 
 for ordinary wear and to do more or less battle with 
 the elements. Thus, dresses, while they may be 
 somewhat brighter in tint than good taste would 
 justify in the streets of a city, must yet be durable 
 in quality and of wash material. The brim of the 
 hat should be broad to protect the wearer from the 
 sun. The fashion of making hats of shirred muslin 
 is a very sensible one, as it enables them to be done 
 up when they are soiled. The boots must be stout 
 and serviceable. A waterproof is an indispensable 
 article to the sojourner at country resorts. 
 
284 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 BATHING COSTUMES. 
 
 A bathing-dress is best made of flannel. A soft 
 gray tint is the prettiest, as it does not so soon fade 
 and grow ugly from contact with the salt water. It 
 may be trimmed with bright worsted braid. The 
 best form is the loose sacque or the yoke waist, both 
 of them to be belted in and falling about midway 
 between the knee and the ankle. Full trowsers 
 gathered into a band at the ankle, an oilskin cap to 
 protect the hair, which becomes harsh in the salt 
 water, and merino socks of the color of the dress 
 complete the costume. 
 
 Any other material than flannel becomes limp and 
 unsightly after being worn for a short time. 
 
CHAPTER VII. 
 
 COSTUMES FOR TRAVELING. 
 
 THERE is no time or place where true ladyhood 
 is more plainly indicated than in traveling. A 
 lady's traveling costume will be exquisitely neat and 
 plain, without superfluous ornament of any kind. 
 Jewelry, artificial flowers or lace are out of place on 
 either dress or bonnet. 
 
 TRAVELING-DRESS. 
 
 The first consideration in a traveling-dress is com- 
 fort ; the second, protection from the dust and stains 
 of travel. 
 
 In summer, for a short journey, a large linen 
 duster or overdress may be put on over the ordinary 
 dress, and in winter a waterproof cloak may be used 
 in the same way. 
 
 But a lady making an extensive journey will find 
 it convenient to have a traveling-suit prepared ex- 
 pressly. Linen is still useful in summer, as the dust 
 is so easily shaken from it and it can be readily 
 washed. In winter a waterproof dress and sacque 
 are the most serviceable. 
 
 There are a variety of materials especially adapted 
 
 285 
 
286 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 for traveling costumes, of soft neutral tints and 
 smooth surfaces, which do not catch dust. These 
 should be made up plainly and always quite short. 
 
 The underskirts should always be colored woolen 
 in winter, linen in summer. Nothing displays vul- 
 garity and want of breeding so completely as the 
 white petticoat in traveling. 
 
 Gloves should be of Lisle thread in summer and 
 cloth in winter, never of kid. Boots thick soled, 
 stout and durable. The hat or bonnet must be 
 plainly trimmed and completely protected by a 
 large veil. Velvet is unfit for a traveling-hat, as it 
 catches and retains the dust. 
 
 Plain linen collar and cuffs finish the costume. 
 The hair should be put up in the plainest manner 
 possible. Curls or fancy braids are inadmissible. 
 
 A waterproof and a warm woolen shawl are in- 
 dispensable in traveling. Also a satchel or hand- 
 basket, in which should be kept a change of col- 
 lars, cuffs, gloves, handkerchiefs, towels and toilet 
 articles. A lunch-basket is sometimes desirable. 
 
 A traveling-dress should be well supplied with 
 pockets. The waterproof should have large pockets ; 
 so should the sacque. The pocket of the dress 
 should be deep and large. 
 
 In an underskirt there should be provided a 
 pocket in which to carry all money not needed for 
 immediate use. The latter may be entrusted to the 
 portemonnaie in the ordinary pocket, or in the bosom 
 of the dress. 
 
COSTUMES FOR TRAWLING. 287 
 
 GOING TO EUROPE. 
 
 The most sensible directions we have observed 
 for a sea-voyage appeared recently in a well-known 
 paper. They are so good that we take the liberty 
 of transferring them to these pages. Even though 
 the directions may not be complied with to the let- 
 ter, they will serve as a basis upon which to build 
 the needs and requirements of a voyage across the 
 Atlantic. 
 
 It should be borne in mind that it is desirable 
 not to be encumbered with too much baggage at 
 such a time. It is always troublesome to look 
 after and really unneeded, for one is going where 
 all the requirements of civilized life are to be found 
 in abundance, and where one must shop, whether 
 there is any need or not, merely to be in the 
 fashion. Therefore it may be well to create the 
 need, that the shopping may be done with a clear 
 conscience. It is not necessary to supply one's 
 self with many changes of underclothing in travel- 
 ing ; washing is always easily done on the journey 
 at short notice. 
 
 We not long since heard of a lady who was of- 
 fered by her husband a trip to Europe if she would 
 get all her personal belongings into a hand-valise. 
 She did so, went and returned, and enjoyed the 
 trip immensely. 
 
 The writer above referred to says : " An elastic 
 valise and a hand-satchel, at the side of which is 
 strapped a waterproof." are enough baggage to 
 
288 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 start with. "In the valise changes of linen, con- 
 sisting of two garments, night-gowns and ' angel ' 
 drawers. These latter are made of cotton or linen, 
 and consist of a waist cut like a plain corset-cover, 
 but extending all in one piece in front with the 
 drawers, which button on the side. Usually the 
 waists of these drawers are made without sleeves or 
 with only a short cap at the top of the arm, but for 
 a European trip it is advisable to add sleeves to the 
 waist, so that cuffs paper cuffs if preferred can 
 be buttoned to them. Thus, in one garment easily 
 made, easily removed, and as easily washed as a 
 chemise, is comprised drawers, chemise, corset- 
 cover and under-sleeves, the whole occupying no 
 more room than any single article of underwear, and 
 saving the trouble attending the care and putting on 
 of many pieces. A gauze flannel vest underneath is 
 perhaps a necessary precaution, and ladies who wear 
 corsets can place them next to this. Over these the 
 single garment mentioned adds all that is required 
 in the way of underwear, except two skirts and 
 small light hair-cloth tournure. 
 
 " Of dresses three are required one a traveling- 
 dress of brown de bege, a double calico wrapper and 
 a black or hair-striped silk. The latter is best, be- 
 cause it is light, because it does not take dust, be- 
 cause it does not crush easily and because by judi- 
 cious making and management it can be arranged 
 into several costumes, which will serve for city sight- 
 seeing throughout the journey and be good after- 
 
COSTUMES FOR TRAVELING. 289 
 
 ward to bring home. Then, if there is room, an old 
 black silk or black alpaca skirt may be found useful, 
 and an embroidered linen or batiste polonaise from 
 last summer's store. 
 
 "Add to these a black sash, a couple of belts, an 
 'umbrella with chatelaine and requisite attachments, 
 a pair of neat-fitting boots and pair of slippers, some 
 cuffs, small standing collars and a few yards of frais- 
 ing, a striped or cheddar shawl, a ' cloud ' for even- 
 ings on deck, some handkerchiefs and gray and 
 brown kid gloves, and, with a few necessary toilet 
 articles, you have an outfit that will take you over 
 the world and can all be comprised in the space 
 indicated, leaving room for a small whisk broom, 
 essential to comfort, and a large palm-leaf fan. 
 
 "Stores, such as lemons, a bottle of glycerine, 
 spirits of ammonia and Florida water, which are 
 really all that are required the first for sickness, 
 the last three for the toilet should be packed in a 
 small case or box in such a way that the flasks con- 
 taining the liquid will not come in contact with the 
 fruit. After landing the box will not be wanted, as 
 the lemons will have been used and the flasks can 
 be carried with dressing-combs and the like in the 
 satchel." 
 
 19 
 
CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 WEDDING- UTFIT. 
 
 THE costume of the bride is of the first import- 
 ance in a prospective wedding. Though the 
 fashions in make and material of the bride's dress 
 are constantly varying, still there are certain un- 
 changeable rules regarding it. Thus, a bride in full 
 bridal costume should be entirely in white from head 
 to foot. 
 
 THE WEDDING-DRESS. 
 
 Her dress may be of silk heavily corded, moire 
 antique, brocade, satin or plain silk, of lace, merino, 
 alpaca, crape, lawn or muslin. Her veil may be of 
 lace, tulle or illusion, but it must be long and full. 
 It may or may not descend over the face. The 
 flowers of the bridal wreath and bouquet must be 
 orange blossoms, either natural or artificial, or other 
 white flowers. 
 
 The dress is high and the arms are covered. No 
 jewelry is worn save diamonds or pearls. Slippers 
 of white satin and gloves of kid complete the dress. 
 
 The style of great simplicity in bridal toilettes, 
 adopted in continental Europe, is more commendable 
 
 290 
 
WEDDING- O UTFIT. 29 1 
 
 than that of England and America, where the bridal 
 dress is made as expensive and as heavy with rich 
 and costly lace as it is possible to make it. 
 
 DRESS OF BRIDEGROOM. 
 
 The bridegroom wears a black or dark-blue dress- 
 coat, light pantaloons, vest and necktie, and white 
 kid gloves. 
 
 DRESS OF BRIDESMAIDS. 
 
 The dresses of the bridesmaids are less elaborate 
 than that of the bride. They should be also of 
 white, but they may be trimmed with delicately- 
 colored flowers and ribbons. White tulle worn over 
 pale pink or blue silk, and caught up with blush- 
 roses or forget-me-nots, with bouquet de corsage and 
 hand-bouquet of the same, makes a charming brides- 
 maid's costume. 
 
 The bridesmaids may or may not wear veils, but 
 in case they wear them they should be shorter than 
 that of the bride. 
 
 TRAVELING-DRESS OF BRIDE. 
 
 The traveling-dress of a bride should be of silk, 
 or of any of the fine fabrics for walking-dresses. 
 It should be of some neutral tint, and bonnet and 
 gloves should match in color. A bridal traveling 
 costume may be somewhat more elaborately trim- 
 med than an ordinary traveling-dress ; though, if the 
 bride wishes to attract as little attention as possible, 
 
292 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 she will not make herself conspicuous by too showy 
 a garb. 
 
 A bride is frequently married in traveling costume ; 
 but when this is the case, the wedding is a private 
 one, and the bridal pair set out at once upon their 
 journey. 
 
 SECOND MARRIAGE OF A WIDOW. 
 
 A widow is never married in white. Widows and 
 brides of middle age choose delicate neutral tints, 
 with white gloves and white lace collar and cuffs. 
 The costumes of the bridesmaids must take their 
 tone from that of the bride, and be neither lighter, 
 richer nor gayer than hers. 
 
 Brides and bridesmaids wear their wedding- 
 dresses at the wedding-reception. 
 
 DRESS OF GUESTS AT WEDDING-RECEPTION. 
 
 The guests at an evening reception should wear 
 full evening-dress. No one should attend in black 
 or wear any sign of mourning. Those in mourning 
 lay aside black for lavender or gray. 
 
 For a morning reception the dress should be the 
 richest street costume, with white gloves. If at the 
 morning reception the blinds are closed and the gas 
 lighted, then evening-dress is worn by the guests. 
 
 THE TROUSSEAU. 
 
 The trousseau may be as large and expensive as 
 the circumstances of the bride will justify, but this 
 
WEDDING-OUTFIT. 293 
 
 expense is mainly put upon outside garments.' 
 There are certain requisite articles which must be 
 supplie'd in a requisite number, and these all brides 
 must have, and of a certain similarity in general cha- 
 racter and make. They may be set down as follows : 
 
 Twelve chemises, six elaborately trimmed and six 
 more plainly made. 
 
 Twelve pairs of drawers, made in sets with the 
 chemises, and matching them in trimming. 
 
 Six fine and six plain night-dresses. 
 
 Six corset-covers, three finely finished. 
 
 Four pairs of corsets, one pair white embroidered, 
 two plain white and one pair colored, the latter to be 
 used in traveling. 
 
 One dozen pair of fine thread hose, one dozen of 
 heavy cotton and one dozen of fine merino hose are 
 none too many. 
 
 Six trimmed skirts and six plain ones. 
 
 Two balmoral skirts, one handsome and the other 
 plain. 
 
 Six flannel skirts, three of them handsomely em- 
 broidered. 
 
 Four white dressing-sacques, two of them of 
 flannel. 
 
 Two loose wrappers of chintz or cashmere. 
 
 Six sets of linen collars and cuffs for morning 
 wear. 
 
 Six sets of lace or embroidered collars and cuffs. 
 
 One dozen plain handkerchiefs, one dozen fine 
 handkerchiefs and six embroidered or lace trimmed 
 
294 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 Walking-boots, gaiters and slippers of various 
 styles. 
 
 Two pairs of white kid gloves, two of light and 
 two of dark tints, with others of thread and cloth. 
 
 Of dresses there are required morning-dresses, 
 walking-suits, carriage-dresses, evening-dresses, one 
 traveling-dress, one waterproof suit, one very hand- 
 some suit to return bridal calls, and last but not 
 least the bridal-dress, which has already been re- 
 ferred to. These dresses may be multiplied in 
 number according to the means and needs of the 
 bride. 
 
CHAPTER IX. 
 
 MOURNING. 
 
 MANY sensible people have resolved to abjure 
 mourning garments altogether; nevertheless, 
 as there are a still larger number who adopt it in a 
 greater or less degree when they are bereaved of 
 their friends, it may be well to recount the estab- 
 lished rules in regard to it. 
 
 DEEP MOURNING. 
 
 Deep mourning requires the heaviest black of 
 serge, bombazine, lustreless alpaca, de laine, merino 
 or similar heavy clinging material, with collar and 
 cuffs of crape. A widow wears a bonnet-cap of 
 white tarletan, known as the " widow's cap." 
 
 Mourning garments are made in the severest sim- 
 plicity. They should have little or no trimming ; no 
 flounces, ruffles or bows are allowable. If the dress 
 is not made en suite y then a long or square shawl of 
 barege or cashmere with crape border is worn. 
 
 The bonnet is of black crape ; a hat is inadmissible. 
 The veil is of crape or berege with heavy border. 
 Black gloves and black-bordered handkerchief. 
 
 In winter dark furs may be worn with the deepest 
 
 295 
 
296 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 mourning. Jewelry is strictly forbidden, and all pins, 
 buckles, etc., must be of jet. 
 
 SECOND MOURNING. 
 
 Lustreless alpaca may uc w orn in second mourn- 
 ing, with white collar and cuffs. The crape veil is 
 laid aside for net or tulle, but the jet jewelry is still 
 retained. 
 
 LESSER DEGREES OF MOURNING. 
 
 A still less degree of mourning is indicated by 
 black and white, purple and gray, or a combination 
 of these colors. Crape is still retained in bonnet 
 trimming, and crape flowers may be added. 
 
 Light gray, white and black, and light shades of 
 lilac indicate a slight mourning. Black lace bonnet 
 with white or violet flowers supersedes crape, and 
 jet and gold jewelry is worn. 
 
 It is poor economy to buy cheap and flimsy mate- 
 rials for mourning. Only the best black goods wear 
 well without becoming rusty and shabby. Foulards 
 make serviceable half-mourning dresses, either as 
 wrappers or walking-suits. 
 
 The following are the rules laid down by authority 
 competent to speak on these matters regarding the 
 proper degree of mourning and length of time i< 
 should be worn : 
 
 " The deepest mourning is that worn by a widow 
 for her husband. It is worn for two years, sometimes 
 longer. Widow's mourning for the first year consists 
 
MOURNING. 297 
 
 of solid black woolen goods, collar and cuffs of 
 folded, untrimmed crape, a simple crape bonnet and 
 a long, thick, black crape veil. The second year, 
 silk trimmed with crape, black lace collar and cuffs, 
 and a shorter veil may be worn, and in the last six 
 months gray, violet and white are permitted. A 
 widow should wear the hair perfectly plain if she 
 does not wear a cap, and should always wear a bon- 
 net, never a hat. 
 
 " The mourning for a father or mother is worn for 
 one year. The first six months the proper dress is 
 of solid black woolen goods trimmed with crape, 
 black crape bonnet with black crape facings and 
 black strings, black crape veil, collar and cuffs of 
 black crape. Three months, black silk with crape 
 trimming, white or black lace collar and cuffs, veil 
 of tulle and white bonnet-facings ; and the last three 
 months in gray, purple and violet. 
 
 " Mourning worn for a child is the same as that 
 worn for a parent. 
 
 " Mourning for a grandparent is worn for six 
 months : three months, black woolen goods, white 
 collar and cuffs, short crape veil and bonnet of crape 
 trimmed with black silk or ribbon; six weeks in 
 black silk trimmed with crape, lace collar and cuffs, 
 short tulle veil ; and six weeks in gray, purple, white 
 and violet. 
 
 " Mourning worn for a friend who leaves you an 
 inheritance is the same as that worn for a grand* 
 parent. 
 
298 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 " Mourning for a brother or sister is worn six 
 months : two months in solid black trimmed with 
 crape, white linen collar and cuffs, bonnet of black 
 with white facing and black strings ; two months in 
 black silk, with white lace collar and cuffs; and two 
 months in gray, purple, white and violet. 
 
 " Mourning for an uncle or aunt is worn for three 
 months, and is the second mourning named above, 
 tulle, white linen and white bonnet-facings being 
 worn at once. For a nephew or niece, the same is 
 worn for the same length of time. 
 
 " The deepest mourning excludes kid gloves; they 
 should be of cloth, silk or thread ; and no jewelry is 
 permitted during the first month of close mourning. 
 Embroidery, jet trimmings, puffs, plaits in fact, trim- 
 ming of any kind is forbidden in deep mourning, 
 but worn when it is lightened. 
 
 " Mourning handkerchiefs should be of very sheer 
 fine linen, with a border of black, very wide for close 
 mourning, narrower as the black is lightened. 
 
 " Mourning silks should be perfectly lustreless, 
 and the ribbons worn without any gloss. 
 
 " Ladies invited to funeral ceremonies should 
 always wear a black dress, even if they are not in 
 mourning ; and it is bad taste to appear with a gay 
 bonnet or shawl, as if for a festive occasion. 
 
 "The mourning for children under twelve years 
 of age is white in summer and gray in winter, with 
 black trimmings, belt, sleeve-ruffles and bonnet- 
 ribbons." 
 
TOILETTE RECIPES. 
 
 To REMOVE FRECKLES. 
 
 TDREPARE the skin by spreading over it at 
 -L night a paste composed of one ounce of bitter 
 almonds, ditto of barley-flour, and a sufficient quan- 
 tity of honey to give the paste consistency. Wash 
 off in the morning, and during the day apply with 
 a camel's-hair brush a lotion compounded thus : One 
 drachm of muriatic acid, half a pint of rain-water 
 and a teaspoonful of lavender-water, mixed. 
 
 At night wash the skin with elder-flower water, 
 and apply an ointment made by simmering gently 
 one ounce of Venice soap, quarter of an ounce of 
 deliquated oil of tartar, and ditto of oil of bitter 
 almonds. When it acquires consistency, three drops 
 of oil of rhodium may be added. Wash the oint- 
 ment off in the morning with rose-water. 
 
 One ounce of alum, ditto of lemon-juice, in a pint 
 of rose-water. 
 
 Scrape horseradish into a cup of cold sour milk ; 
 let it stand twelve hours ; strain, and apply two or 
 three times a day. 
 
 299 
 
300 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 Mix lemon-juice one ounce, powdered borax 
 quarter of a drachm, sugar half a drachm ; keep 
 for a few days in a glass bottle and apply occa- 
 sionally. 
 
 Muriate of ammonia half a drachm, lavender- 
 water two drachms, distilled water half a pint; 
 apply two or three times a day. 
 
 Into half a pint of milk squeeze the juice of a 
 lemon, with a spoonful of brandy, and boil, skim- 
 ming well. Add a drachm of rock alum. 
 
 To REMOVE DISCOLORATION OF THE SKIN. 
 
 Elder-flower ointment one ounce, sulphate of zinc 
 twenty grains ; mix well, and rub into the affected 
 skin at night. In the morning wash it off with 
 plenty of soap, and when the grease is completely 
 removed apply the following lotion : Infusion of rose- 
 petals half a pint, citric acid thirty grains. All local 
 discolorations will disappear under this treatment ; 
 and if freckles do not entirely yield, they will in 
 most instances be greatly ameliorated. Should any 
 unpleasant irritation or roughness of the skin follow 
 the application, a lotion composed of half a pint of 
 almond mixture and half a drachm of Goulard's ex- 
 tract will afford immediate relief. 
 
 To REMOVE WRINKLES. 
 
 Melt white wax one ounce to gentle heat, and add 
 juice of lily bulbs two ounces and honey two ounces, 
 
TOILETTE RECIPES. $01 
 
 rose-water two drachms and attar of roses a drop or 
 two. Use twice a day. 
 
 Use tepid water instead of cold in ablutions. 
 
 Put some powder of best myrrh upon an iron 
 plate sufficiently heated to melt the gum gently, 
 and when it liquefies cover your head with a napkin 
 and hold your face over the myrrh at a proper dis- 
 tance to receive the fumes without inconvenience. 
 Do not use it if it causes headache. 
 
 COLD CREAM. 
 
 Put into a jar one pint of sweet-oil, half an ounce 
 of spermaceti and two ounces of white wax. Melt 
 in a jar by the fire. Add scent. 
 
 Melt together a pint of oil of sweet almonds, one 
 ounce of white wax, half an ounce of spermaceti 
 and half a pint of rose-water. Beat to a paste. 
 
 To REMOVE SUNBURN. 
 
 Milk of almonds, obtained at the druggist's, is as 
 good a remedy as any to use. 
 
 To CURE CHILBLAINS. 
 
 When indications of chilblains first present them- 
 selves, take vinegar three ounces, camphorated spir- 
 its of wine one ounce ; mix and rub. 
 
 Rub with alum and water. 
 
 Put the hands and feet two or three times a week 
 
3O2 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 into warm water in which two or three handfuls of 
 common salt have been dissolved. 
 Rub with a raw onion dipped in salt. 
 
 To PREVENT THE HAIR FROM FALLING OFF. 
 
 Vinegar of cantharides half an ounce, eau-de-co- 
 logne one ounce, rose-water one ounce. The scalp 
 should be brushed briskly until it becomes red, and 
 the lotion should then be applied to the roots of the 
 hair twice a day. 
 
 A quarter of a pint of cod-liver oil, two drachms 
 of origanum, fifteen drops of ambergris, the same of 
 musk. 
 
 Boxwood shavings six ounces, proof spirits twelve 
 ounces, spirits of rosemary two ounces, spirits of 
 nutmeg one-half an ounce. Steep the boxwood 
 shavings in the spirits for fourteen days at a temper- 
 ature of 60 ; strain, and add the rest. 
 
 HAIR-CURLING FLUID. 
 
 The various fluids advertised and recommended 
 for the purpose of giving straight hair a tendency to 
 curl are all impositions. The only curling-fluid of 
 any service is a very weak solution of isinglass, 
 which will hold the curl in the position in which it 
 is placed if care is taken that it follows the direction 
 in which the hair naturally falls. 
 
 One of the fluids in use is made by dissolving a 
 small portion of beeswax in an ounce of olive oil 
 and adding scent according to fancy. 
 
TOILETTE RECIPES. 303 
 
 BANDOLINE. 
 
 This essential for the toilette is prepared in several 
 ways. 
 
 -Simmer an ounce of quince seed in a quart of 
 water for forty minutes ; strain, cool, add a few drops 
 of scent, and bottle, corking tightly. 
 
 Take of gum tragacanth one and a half drachms, 
 water half a pint, rectified spirits mixed with an 
 equal quantity of water three ounces, and a little 
 scent. Let the mixture stand for a day or two, then 
 strain. 
 
 It may be made of Iceland moss, a quarter of an 
 ounce boiled in a quart of water, and a little rectified 
 spirit added, so that it may keep. 
 
 LIP-SALVE. 
 
 This indispensable adjunct to the toilette may be 
 made by melting in a jar placed in a basin of boiling 
 water a quarter of an ounce each of white wax and 
 spermaceti, flour of benzoin fifteen grains, and half 
 an ounce of oil of almonds. Stir till the mixture is 
 cool. Color red with a little alkanet root. 
 
 ROSE-WATER. 
 
 Rose-water may be made by taking half an ounce 
 of powdered white sugar and two drachms of mag- 
 nesia; with these mix twelve drops of attar of roses. 
 Add a quart of water and two ounces of alcohol, 
 mixed in a gradual manner, and filter through blot- 
 ting-paper. 
 
304 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 BURNS. 
 
 An application of cold, wet common whitening, 
 placed on immediately, is recommended as an inval- 
 uable remedy. 
 
 STICK ING-PLASTER. 
 
 Stretch a piece of black silk on a wooden frame, 
 and apply dissolved isinglass to one side of it with 
 a brush. Let it dry, repeat the process, and then 
 cover with a strong tincture of balsam of Peru. 
 
 To ACQUIRE A BRIGHT AND SMOOTH SKIN. 
 
 Tepid bath and harsh towel. Air and exercise. 
 Tepid water and bran. Infuse wheat-bran, well 
 sifted, for four hours in white wine vinegar ; add to 
 it five yolks of eggs and two grains of ambergris, and 
 distill the whole. It should be carefully corked for 
 twelve or fifteen days. Constant application. 
 
 Distill two handfuls of jessamine flowers in a 
 quart of rose-water and a quart of orange-water. 
 Strain through porous paper, and add a scruple of 
 musk and a scruple of ambergris. 
 
 To IMPROVE THE COMPLEXION. 
 
 The whites of four eggs boiled in rose-water, half 
 an ounce of alum, half an ounce of oil of sweet 
 almonds ; beat the whole together until it assumes 
 the consistency of paste. Spread upon a silk or 
 muslin mask, to be worn at night. 
 
TOILETTE RECIPES. 305 
 
 Take a small piece of the gum benzoin and boil 
 it in spirits of wine till it becomes a rich tincture. 
 Fifteen drops poured into a glass of water ; wash and 
 leave to dry. 
 
 FOR ROUGHNESS OF THE SKIN. 
 
 Mix two parts of white brandy with one part of 
 rose-water, and wash the face night and morning. 
 
 Take equal parts of the seed of the melon, pump- 
 kin, gourd and cucumber, pounded until they are 
 reduced to powder ; add to it sufficient fresh cream to 
 dilute the flour, and then add milk enough to reduce 
 the whole to a thin paste. Add a grain of musk and 
 a few drops of the oil of lemon. Anoint the face 
 with this ; le.ivc it on twenty or thirty minutes, or 
 over-night if convenient, and wash off with warm 
 water. It gives a remarkable purity and brightness 
 to the complexion. 
 
 Steep the pimpernel plant in pure rain-water, and 
 bathe the face with the decoction. 
 
 To SOFTEN THE HANDS. 
 
 Take half a pound of soft soap, a gill of salad 
 oil, an ounce of mutton tallow, and boil them till 
 they are thoroughly mixed. After the boiling has 
 ceased, but before the mixture is cold, add one gill 
 of spirits of wine and a grain of musk. Anoint 
 the hands, draw on gloves, and let them remain till 
 morning. 
 
 20 
 
3O6 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 FOR ROUGH AND CHAPPED HANDS. 
 
 Lemon-juice three ounces, white wine' vinegai 
 three ounces, and white brandy one-half a pint. 
 
 To PREVENT HAIR TURNING GRAY. 
 
 Oxide of bismuth four drachms, spermaceti four 
 drachms, pure hog's lard four ounces. Melt the two 
 last and add the first. 
 
 To SOFTEN AND BEAUTIFY THE HAIR. 
 
 Beat up the whites of four eggs into a froth, and 
 rub thoroughly in close to the roots of the hair. 
 Leave it to dry on. Then wash the head and hair 
 clean with a mixture of equal parts of rum and rose- 
 water. 
 
 To REMOVE PIMPLES. 
 
 Sulphur-water one ounce, acetated liquor of am- 
 monia one-quarter of an ounce, liquor of potassa one 
 grain, white wine vinegar two ounces, distilled water 
 two ounces. Bathe the face. 
 
 Pimples are sometimes removed by frequent wash- 
 ings in warm water and prolonged friction with a 
 coarse towel. 
 
 To REMOVE TAN. 
 
 New milk half a pint, lemon-juice one-fourth of 
 an ounce, white brandy half an ounce. Boil the 
 whole, and skim clear from scum. Use night and 
 morning. 
 
TOILETTE RECIPES. 3O/ 
 
 CHAPPED LIPS. 
 
 Oil of roses four ounces, white wax one ounce, 
 spermaceti one-half an ounce. Melt in a glass 
 vessel and stir with a wooden spoon. Pour into a 
 glass or china cup. 
 
 CURE FOR CORNS. 
 
 Take nightshade berries, boil them in hog's lard, 
 and anoint the corn with the salve. 
 
 One teaspoonful of tar, one teaspoonful of coarse 
 brown sugar and one teaspoonful of saltpetre, the 
 whole to be warmed together. Spread it on kip 
 leather the size of the corns, and in two days they 
 will be drawn out. 
 
 REMEDY FOR BLACK TEETH. 
 
 Take equal parts of cream of tartar and salt; 
 pulverize it and mix it well. Then wash your 
 teeth in the morning, and rub them with the 
 powder. 
 
 To CLEAN THE TEETH AND GUMS. 
 
 Take one ounce of myrrh in fine powder, two 
 tablespoonfuls of honey, and a little green sage in 
 very fine powder. Mix them well together, and 
 wet the teeth and gums with a little every night and 
 morning. 
 
 POMADE AGAINST BALDNESS. 
 Take of extract of yellow Peruvian bark fifteen 
 
3O8 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 grains, extract of rhatany-root eight grains, extract 
 of burdock-root and oil of nutmegs (fixed) of each 
 two drachms, camphor (dissolved with spirits of 
 wine) fifteen grains, beef-marrow two ounces, best 
 olive oil one ounce, citron-juice one-half a drachm, 
 aromatic essential oil as much as sufficient to ren- 
 der it fragrant. Mix and make into an ointment. 
 
 COLOGNE. 
 
 Take one gallon of spirits of wine, and add of the 
 oil of lemon, orange and bergamot each a spoonful, 
 also add extract of vanilla forty drops. Shake 
 until the oils are cut, then add a pint and a half 
 of soft water. 
 
 Take two drachms each of oil of lemon, oil of 
 rosemary and oil of bergamot, one drachm of oil of 
 lavender, ten drops each of oil of cinnamon and oil 
 of cloves, two drops of oil of rose, eight drops of 
 tincture of musk, and one quart of alcohol or 
 spirits of wine. Mix all together, when it will be 
 ready for use. The older it gets, the better. 
 
 Take one gallon of ninety per cent, alcohol, and 
 add to it one ounce each of oil of bergamot and oil 
 of orange, two drachms of oil of cedrat, one drachm 
 each of oil of neroli and oil of rosemary. Mix well, 
 and it is fit for use. 
 
 OX-MARROW POMATUM. 
 
 Take two ounces of yellow wax and twelve ounces 
 of beef-marrow. Melt all together, and when suffi- 
 
TOILETTE RECIPES. 309 
 
 ciently cool perfume it with the essential oil of 
 almonds. 
 
 How TO MAKE SHOES AND BOOTS WATERPROOF. 
 
 Take neats* foot oil and dissolve in it caoutchouc 
 (India-rubber), a sufficient quantity to form a kind 
 of varnish ; rub this on your boots or shoes. The 
 oil must be placed where it is warm, and the caout- 
 chouc put into it in parings. It will take several 
 days to dissolve. 
 
 To CLEAN KID GLOVES. 
 
 Put the gloves on your hands and wash them, as 
 if you were washing your hands, in some spirits 
 of turpentine, until quite clean ; then hang them up 
 in a warm place or where there is a current of 
 air, and all smell of the turpentine will be removed. 
 
 Wash them with soap and water, then stretch 
 them on wooden hands or pull them into shape 
 without wringing them ; next rub them with pipe- 
 clay or yellow ochre, or a mixture of the two, in any 
 required shade, made into a paste with beer; let 
 them dry gradually, and when about half dry rub 
 them well, so as to smooth them and put them into 
 shape; then dry them, brush out the superfluous 
 color, cover them with paper and smooth them with 
 a warm iron. Other colors may be employed to 
 mix the pipe-clay besides yellow ochre. 
 
 By rubbing gloves with a clean cloth dipped iq 
 
3IO OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 milk and then rubbed on brown Windsor soap yon 
 may restore them to a very fair state of cleanliness. 
 
 To REMOVE A TIGHT RING. 
 
 When a ring happens to get tightly fixed on the 
 finger, as it will sometimes do, a piece of common 
 twine should be well soaped, and then be wound 
 round the finger as tightly as possible or as can be 
 borne. The twine should commence at the point of 
 the finger and be continued till the ring is Beached ; 
 the end of the twine must then be forced through the 
 ring with the head of a needle, or anything else that 
 may be at hand. If the string is then unwound, the 
 ring is almost sure to come off the finger with it. 
 
 To LOOSEN STOPPERS OF TOILET-BOTTLES. 
 
 Let a drop of pure oil flow round the stopper, and 
 stand the bottle a foot or two from the fire. After a 
 time tap the stopper smartly, but not too hard, 
 with the handle of a hair-brush ; if this is not ef- 
 fectual, use a fresh drop of oil and repeat the pro- 
 cess. It is pretty sure to succeed. 
 
 CLEANING JEWELRY. 
 
 Gold ornaments are best kept bright and clean 
 with soap and warm water, with which they should 
 be scrubbed, a soft nail-brush being used for the 
 purpose. They may be dried in box sawdust, in a 
 bed of which it is desirable to let them lie before the 
 
TOILETTE RECIPES. $11 
 
 fire for a time. Imitation jewelry may be treated in 
 the same way. 
 
 CLEANING SILVER. 
 
 For cleaning silver, either articles of personal 
 wear or those pertaining to the toilette-table or 
 dressing-case, there is nothing better than a spoon- 
 ful of common whitening, carefully pounded so as 
 to be without lumps, reduced to a paste with gin. 
 
 To REMOVE GREASE-SPOTS. 
 
 French chalk is useful for removing grease-spots 
 from clothing. Spots on silk will sometimes yield 
 if a piece of blotting-paper is placed over them and 
 the blade of a knife is heated (not too much) and 
 passed over the paper. 
 
 To CLEAN KID BOOTS. 
 
 Mix a little white of egg and ink in a bottle, so 
 that the composition may be well shaken up when 
 required for use. Apply to the kid with a piece of 
 sponge and rub dry. The best thing to rub with is 
 the palm of the hand. When the kid shows symp- 
 toms of cracking, rub in a few drops of sweet oil. 
 The soles and heels should be polished with com- 
 mon blacking. 
 
 To CLEAN PATENT-LEATHER BOOTS. 
 
 In cleaning patent-leather boots, first remove all 
 the dirt upon them with a sponge or flannel ; then 
 
312 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 the boot should be rubbed lightly over with a paste 
 consisting of two spoonfuls of cream and one of 
 linseed-oil, both of which require to be warmed be- 
 fore being mixed. Polish with a soft cloth. 
 
 To REMOVE STAINS AND SPOTS FROM SILK. 
 
 Boil five ounces of soft water and six ounces of 
 powdered alum for a short time, and pour it into 
 a vessel to cool. Warm it for use, and wash the 
 stained part with it and leave to dry. 
 
 Washed the soiled part with ether, and the grease 
 will disappear. 
 
 We often find that lemon-juice, vinegar, oil of vit- 
 riol and other sharp corrosives stain dyed garments. 
 Sometimes, by adding a little pearlash to a soap- 
 lather and passing the silks through these, the faded 
 color will be restored. Pearlash and warm water will 
 sometimes do alone, but it is the most efficacious to 
 use the soap-lather and pearlash together. 
 
 TOOTHACHE PREVENTIVE. 
 
 Use flowers of sulphur as a tooth-powder every 
 night, rubbing the teeth and gums with a rather 
 hard toothbrush. If done after dinner too, all the 
 better. It preserves the teeth and does not commu- 
 nicate any smell whatever to the mouth. 
 
 To TAKE MILDEW OUT OF LINEN. 
 
 Wet the linen which contains the mildew with soft 
 water, rub it well with white soap, then scrape some 
 
TOILETTE RECIPES. 313 
 
 fine chalk to powder and rub it well into the linen ; 
 lay it out on the grass in the sunshine, watching to 
 keep it damp with soft water. Repeat the process 
 the next day, and in a few hours the mildew will 
 entirely disappear. 
 
 CURE FOR INGROWING NAILS ON TOES. 
 
 Take a little tallow and put it into a spoon, and 
 heat it over a lamp until it becomes very hot ; then 
 pour it on the sore or granulation. The effect will 
 be almost magical. The pain and tenderness will at 
 once be relieved. The operation causes very little 
 pain if the tallow is perfectly heated. Perhaps a 
 repetition may be necessary in some cases. 
 
 CERTAIN CURE FOR A FELON. 
 
 Take a pint of common soft soap and stir in it air- 
 slaked lime till it is of the consistency of glazier's 
 putty. Make a leather thimble, fill it with this com- 
 position and insert the finger therein, and change the 
 composition once in twenty minutes, and a cure is 
 certain. 
 
 CURE FOR THE CROUP. 
 
 A piece of fresh lard as large as a butternut, 
 rubbed up with sugar in the same way that butter 
 and sugar are prepared for the dressing of puddings, 
 divided into three parts and given at intervals of 
 twenty minutes, will relieve any case of croup which 
 has not already progressed to the fatal point. 
 
314 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 To MAKE SIMPLE CERATE. 
 
 Take one pound of white wax and four pounds of 
 lard or mutton suet; melt them with a gentle heat, 
 and stir well until cool. Yellow wax will answer 
 the same purpose. 
 
 REMEDY FOR COUGH OR COLD. 
 
 Three eggs and four lemons. Slice the lemons 
 and crush the eggs. Add one-half a pound of rock 
 candy and two ounces of olive-oil. A teaspoonful 
 three or four times a day. 
 
 To REMOVE GREASE-SPOTS FROM WOOLEN CLOTH. 
 
 Take one quart of spirits of wine or alcohol, twelve 
 drops of wintergreen, one gill of. beef-gall and six 
 cents' worth of lavender. A little alkanet to color 
 if you wish. Mix. 
 
 To CLEAN WOOLEN CLOTH. 
 
 Take equal parts of spirits of hartshorn and ether. 
 Ox-gall mixed with it makes it better. 
 
 To TAKE INK-SPOTS FROM LINEN. 
 
 Take a piece of mould candle of the . finest kind, 
 melt it, and dip the spotted part of the linen in the 
 melted tallow. Then throw the linen into the wash. 
 
 To REMOVE FRUIT-STAINS. 
 Moisten the parts stained with cold water; then 
 
TOILETTE RECIPES. 315 
 
 hold it over the smoke of burning brimstone, and 
 the stain will disappear. 
 
 This recipe will serve for iron mould also. 
 
 PROTECTION AGAINST MOTHS. 
 
 A small piece of paper or linen moistened with 
 turpentine and put into the wardrobe or drawers 
 for a single day two or three times a year is a suffi- 
 cient preservative against moths. 
 
 How TO WHITEN LINEN. 
 
 Stains occasioned by fruit, iron rust and other 
 similar causes may be removed by applying to the 
 parts injured a weak solution of the chloride of 
 lime, the cloth having been previously well washed. 
 The parts subjected to this operation should be sub- 
 sequently well rinsed in soft, clear, warm water, with- 
 out soap, and be immediately dried in the sun. 
 
 Oxalic acid diluted by water will accomplish the 
 same end. 
 
 To TAKE STAINS OUT OF SILK. 
 
 Mix together in a vial two ounces of essence of 
 lemon and one ounce of oil of turpentine. Grease 
 and other spots in silk must be rubbed gently with 
 a linen rag dipped in the above composition. 
 
 To REMOVE ACID-STAINS FROM SILKS. 
 Apply, with a soft rag, spirits of hartshorn. 
 
$l6 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 To REMOVE STAINS FROM WHITE COTTON GOODS. 
 
 For mildew, rub in salt and some buttermilk, and 
 expose it to the influence of a hot sun. Chalk and 
 soap or lemon-juice and salt are also good. As 
 fast as the spots become dry more should be rubbed 
 on, and the garment should be kept in the sun until 
 the spots disappear. Some one of the preceding 
 things will extract most kinds of stains, but a hot 
 sun is necessary to render any one of them ef- 
 fectual. 
 
 Scalding water will remove fruit-stains. So also 
 will hartshorn diluted with warm water, but it will 
 be necessary to apply it several times. 
 
 Common salt rubbed on fruit-stains before they 
 become dry will extract them. 
 
 Colored cotton goods that have ink spilled on 
 them should be soaked in lukewarm sour milk. 
 
 To REMOVE SPOTS OF PITCH OR TAR. 
 
 Scrape off all the pitch or tar you can, then sat- 
 urate the spots with sweet-oil or lard; rub it in 
 well, and let it remain in a warm place for an hour. 
 
 To EXTRACT PAINT FROM GARMENTS. 
 
 Saturate the spot with spirits of turpentine, let it 
 remain a number of hours, then rub it between the 
 hands; it will crumble away without injury either to 
 the texture or color of any kind of woolen, cotton 
 or silk goods. 
 
TOILETTE RECIPES. 317 
 
 To CLEAN SILKS AND RIBBONS. 
 
 Take equal quantities of soft lye-soap, alcohol 01 
 gin, and molasses. Lay the silk on a clean table 
 without creasing ; rub on the mixture with a flannel 
 cloth. Rinse the silk well in cold clear water, and 
 hang it up to dry without wringing. Iron it, before 
 it gets dry, on the wrong side. Silks and ribbons 
 treated in this way will look very nice. 
 
 Camphene will extract grease and clean ribbons 
 without changing the color of most things. They 
 should be dried in the open air and ironed when 
 pretty dry. 
 
 The water in which pared potatoes have been 
 boiled is very good to wash black silks in ; it stiffens 
 and makes them glossy and black. 
 
 Soap-suds answer very well. They should be 
 washed in two suds and not rinsed in clean water. 
 
 REMEDY FOR BURNT KID OR LEATHER SHOES. 
 
 If a lady has had the misfortune to put her shoes 
 or slippers too near the stove, and thus got them 
 burned, she can make them nearly as good as ever 
 by spreading soft-soap upon them while they are 
 still hot, and then, when they are cold, washing it off. 
 It softens the leather and prevents it drawing up. 
 
 To CHOOSE GOOD BLACK SILK. 
 
 Pull out a thread of the filling and see if it is 
 strong. If it stands the test, then rub one corner of 
 
318 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 the silk in the hands as though washing it. After 
 this operation, if it be good silk, it will, upon being 
 brushed out, look as smooth as ever. If, on holding 
 it up to the light and looking through it, you see no 
 traces of the rubbing, be sure the silk is good. The 
 warp and filling should not differ much in size, or it will 
 not wear well. If you choose a figured silk, let the 
 figure be small and well woven in, else it will soon 
 present a frayed appearance, and you will have to 
 pick off the little tags of silk that will dot the 
 breadths. 
 
 How TO WASH A NUBIA. 
 
 These pretty fleecy things are often ruined in the 
 first washing. Yet it is possible to wash them and 
 have them look almost as well as ever. First braid the 
 tassels, then make a hot suds with fine castile soap, 
 and instead of rubbing or wringing it with the hands, 
 run it through the wringing-machine. Then open the 
 nubia as widely as possible and spread it on some 
 clean place to dry. A bed is a good place for this. 
 After it is thoroughly dry take the braid out of the 
 tassels, and the pretty little waves will be in them 
 just as before washing. It is the rubbing and twist- 
 ing of a nubia, "or any knit article, which damages it, 
 and makes it look old and worn instead of light and 
 airy and fleecy, as it does at first. If any article of 
 this kind is torn, it should be mended carefully with 
 crewel or fine silk of a corresponding color. Then 
 dampen the place repaired, lay a paper over it, and 
 press the spot with a warm iron. 
 
TOILETTE RECIPES. 319 
 
 How TO WASH LACES. 
 
 Take an old wine-bottle and cover it with the cut- 
 off leg of a soft, firm stocking, sewing it tightly above 
 and below. Then wind the soiled collar or lace 
 smoothly around the covered bottle; take a fine 
 needle and thread and sew very carefully around the 
 outer edge of the collar, catching every loop fast to 
 the stocking. Then shake the bottle up and down in 
 a pailful of warm soap-suds, occasionally rubbing the 
 soiled places with a soft sponge. It can be rinsed 
 after the same manner. It must be rinsed well. 
 -When the lace is clean, then apply a very weak 
 solution of gum arabic and stand the bottle in the 
 sunshine to dry. Rip off the lace very carefully 
 when perfectly dry. Instead of ironing, lay it be- 
 tween the white leaves of a heavy book ; or, if you 
 are in a hurry, iron on flannel between a few thick- 
 nesses of fine muslin. Done up in this way, lace 
 collars will wear longer, stay clean longer, and 
 have a rich, new, lacy look that they will not have 
 otherwise. 
 
 How TO DARKEN FADED FALSE HAIR. 
 
 The switches, curls and frizzes which fashion de- 
 mands should be worn will fade in course of time ; 
 and though they matched the natural hair perfectly 
 at first, they will finally present a lighter tint. If the 
 hair is brown this can be remedied. Obtain a yard 
 of dark-brown calico. Boil it until the coloi has 
 
320 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 well come out into the water. Then into this water 
 dip the hair, and take it out and dry it. Repeat the 
 operation until it shall be of the required depth of 
 shade. 
 
 PUTTING AWAY FURS FOR THE SUMMER. 
 
 When you are ready to put away furs and woolens, 
 and want to guard against the depredations of moths, 
 pack them securely in paper flour-sacks and tie them 
 up well. This is better than camphor or tobacco 
 or snuff scattered among them in chest and drawers. 
 Before putting your muffs away for the summer 
 twirl them by the cords at the ends, so that every 
 hair will straighten. Put them in their boxes and 
 paste a strip of paper where the lid fits on. 
 
 To KEEP HAIR IN CURL. 
 
 To keep hair in curl, take a few quince-seed, boil 
 them in water, and add perfumery if you like ; wet 
 the hair with this, and it will keep in curl longer than 
 from the use of any other preparation. It is also 
 good to keep the hair in place on the forehead on 
 going out in the wind. 
 
 PROTECTION AGAINST MOTHS. 
 
 Dissolve two ounces of camphor in half a pint 
 each of alcohol and spirits of turpentine ; ceep in a 
 stone bottle and shake before using. Dip blotting- 
 paper in the liquid, and place in the box with the 
 articles to be preserved. 
 
PART V. 
 
 THE LETTER-WRITER. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 J5USINESS LETTERS. 
 
 HAVING already, in the first part of this book, 
 devoted a chapter to epistolary correspond- 
 ence, it has been deemed advisable, in addition to 
 this, to add an entire new part which should furnish 
 forms of and suggestions for letters of various 
 characters, entering into details more than does the 
 chapter referred to. For "General Directions re- 
 garding Letter-writing," the reader will turn to page 
 1 20. We will, however, furnish a few 
 
 ADDITIONAL DIRECTIONS REGARDING LETTER- 
 WRITING. 
 
 Letters should always be in the plainest chirog- 
 raphy of which the writer is capable. No degree of 
 intimacy justifies us in sending hieroglyphics to our 
 friends which they will find difficult if not next to 
 impossible to decipher. 
 
 21 321 
 
322 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 Write with prudence and judgment, since, if you 
 neglect to do so, a letter may be a lasting record of 
 your folly which you may blush to remember. 
 Always bear in mind the possibility of others seeing 
 it besides the one to whom it is addressed, and have 
 consideration for what the opinions of third persons 
 may be. What you have once put into a letter-box 
 cannot be recalled, and may cause you lasting regret. 
 The haste and inconsiderateness which are some- 
 times tolerated in speech are entirely out of place 
 in a letter, which should be a record of the writer's 
 best thoughts dressed in his best language. 
 
 A " Letter-writer " is prepared for the purpose of 
 giving immediate aid to those who require it. But 
 the way to rise above such need is to study the best 
 models of epistolary literature, which may be found 
 largely in biographies of noted men and women, 
 and afterward to practice letter-writing carefully and 
 conscientiously. 
 
 Letters of every character whatsoever should be 
 answered. There may be a brief delay in replying 
 to family and friendly letters which belong to a 
 regular correspondence, else the too frequent writing 
 resulting from immediate reply by both parties 
 would become too great a tax upon each. But any- 
 thing which partakes of the nature of a business- 
 letter should be answered at once. Even letters 
 which in themselves settle the business in hand 
 should be replied to by letters of acknowledgment, 
 to indicate that they have been received. 
 
BUSINESS LETTERS. 323 
 
 .LETTERS OF ACKNOWLEDGMENT. 
 
 The following will suggest the form which an 
 ordinary letter of acknowledgment may take : 
 
 BURLINGTON, N. J., Jan. 14, 1877. 
 
 MESSRS. HOWE, GLEASON & Co., Philadelphia, Pa., 
 
 GENTLEMEN : Your favor dated the loth inst. has 
 been duly received. We rejoice that the matter has 
 been concluded so entirely to your satisfaction. 
 
 Yours truly, 
 
 WILLIS & BROWN. 
 
 A well-bred man will show his politeness, and at 
 the same time his capability to rise above insult, by 
 acknowledging briefly, yet courteously, any insult- 
 ing letter even, which may have been sent to him. 
 Supposing such a letter to have been received, the 
 following acknowledgment will not be inappropriate : 
 
 WASHINGTON, D. C., Feb. 12, 1877. 
 MR. JOHN SMITH, 
 
 DEAR SIR : Your favor bearing date of February 
 7th has been received, and contents duly noted. I 
 must decline entering into correspondence with you 
 on the matter to which your letter refers. Therefore 
 allow me to subscribe myself, 
 
 Yours, with due respect, 
 
 WM, B. JOHNSON. 
 
324 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 The following furnishes suggestions for 
 
 LETTERS SOLICITING A SITUATION. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA, PA., Feb. i, 1877. 
 
 MR. JAMES WILSON, 
 
 SIR : Having heard that a vacancy is likely soon 
 to occur in your office, I venture to write to you, 
 asking you to put my name upon your list of appli- 
 cants for the situation. I think I can give you sat- 
 isfactory evidence of my abilities to discharge the 
 duties of the post, if you decide to consider my 
 application. Respectfully, 
 
 THOMAS MARSHALL. 
 
 NEW YORK, Jan. 27, 1877. 
 
 C. K. CLAXTON, ESQ., 
 
 SIR : When I saw you last, you were kind enough 
 to promise to do what you could to advance my 
 interests. I am now in want of a situation, a 
 change of partnership having occurred where I 
 have hitherto been employed, resulting in an entire 
 change of employes. If, therefore, you should hear 
 of employment which you consider likely to suit 
 me, and would be kind enough to recommend me 
 for the same, I shall sincerely appreciate your kind- 
 ness, and try to prove myself worthy of it. 
 Yours, respectfully, 
 
 WILLIAM H. CARPENTER. 
 
BUSINESS LETTERS. 325 
 
 LETTERS ON LITERARY MATTERS. 
 
 Letters to publishers and editors should be ex- 
 ceedingly brief, to secure a patient reading. All 
 personal matters and details of every sort should be 
 omitted. In sending a manuscript to a publisher, 
 an author often feels it imperatively necessary to 
 describe under what circumstances the manuscript 
 has been written. But this is a mistake. However 
 favorable or unfavorable the circumstances may have 
 been, the publisher has nothing whatever to do with 
 them. It is his duty to decide on the merits of the 
 manuscript alone. Details of personal matters may 
 give an editor pain, if he is a kind-hearted and sensi- 
 tive man, but he cannot let them bias his judgment; 
 while, if he be hard-hearted naturally, or grown 
 callous by long experience, they may prejudice him 
 against the article which he is desired to examine, to 
 such a degree that he will not read it at all. I have 
 seen the confession of a reader of one publishing- 
 firm, in which he stated he had what he called his 
 " infirmary," where he deposited all manuscripts 
 without any examination whatever, which came 
 accompanied by private appeals to his sympathies ; 
 as he judged the authors themselves were conscious 
 that their productions could not stand on their own 
 merits alone. 
 
 Every manuscript sent an editor or publisher 
 should have written upon it the name and address 
 of its author, in case the letter accompanying it 
 
326 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 should be mislaid. The following forms will serve 
 as models of letters to publishers or editors : 
 
 NEWARK, N. J., Jan. 9, 1877. 
 MESSRS. PORTER & COAXES, 
 
 GENTLEMEN : I send to you the manuscript of a 
 
 book, to which I have given the title of . If, 
 
 upon examination, it meets your approval, I shall be 
 pleased to enter into arrangements with you to 
 secure its publication. Of course I leave all busi- 
 ness details until I learn that you are inclined to 
 meet my desires favorably. Any questions which 
 you may wish to ask me concerning my ideas in 
 preparing such a work, I shall be pleased to answer. 
 Also any suggestions which you may make which 
 shall not too greatly alter the character and scope 
 of the book, I shall willingly accept and act upon. 
 Please let me hear from you at your earliest con- 
 venience. Enclosed you will find stamp for reply. 
 Yours, truly, 
 
 MRS. MARY W. GRAVES. 
 
 GERMAN-TOWN, PA., Feb. 9, 1877. 
 MESSRS. J. B. LIPPINCOTT & Co., 
 
 GENTLEMEN : The accompanying manuscript is the 
 result of long study and experience in the subject 
 of which it treats. Being well acquainted with the 
 class of literature to which it belongs, I am con- 
 vinced that it fills a niche hitherto unoccupied. 
 From the general character of your publication?, I 
 
BUSINESS LETTERS. 327 
 
 am led to believe that my work may suit you. Will 
 you examine it .at your earliest convenience and let 
 me know your decision in the matter? Business 
 details can be deferred until I learn that you have 
 given a favorable answer. Enclosed you will find 
 stamp for reply. 
 
 Yours, respectfully, 
 
 THEODORE WATSON. 
 
 The second and third sentences in the above letter 
 are in a measure superfluous, since the publishers 
 can judge of both these matters better than the 
 writer. But it is sometimes a satisfaction for the 
 author to say them, and they do no particular harm. 
 
 BROOKLYN, L. I., Sept. 24, 1876. 
 
 MESSRS. HARPER & BROTHERS, N. Y., 
 
 GENTLEMEN : Please examine accompanying man- 
 uscript novel, entitled "The Great Mystery." If it 
 meets your approval, you will please notify me, and 
 we will enter into details as regards terms of publi- 
 cation. Whether you accept or reject it, let me hear 
 from you at your earliest convenience. Enclosed 
 you will find stamp for reply. 
 
 Yours, respectfully, 
 MRS. ELIZABETH B. CONOVER. 
 
328 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 WEST CHESTER, PA., Dec. 5, 1876. 
 
 EDITOR , 
 
 DEAR SIR: I send you enclosed an article entitled 
 
 " ," which I offer for publication in your 
 
 magazine. As I am but a young writer, I do not 
 expect remuneration. I send stamps for its return 
 in case it is rejected. 
 
 Yours, truly, 
 
 Miss LUCY SNOW. 
 
 CLEVELAND, O., Feb. 17, '877. 
 
 EDITORS , 
 
 GENTLEMEN: Please examine the accompanying 
 manuscript and see if it reaches the standard which 
 you require for publication in your magazine. If it 
 proves acceptable, I leave the remuneration to your- 
 self, as I am aware that each publisher has his own 
 scale of prices. Enclosed are stamps with which to 
 return manuscript if not accepted. 
 Respectfully, 
 
 Miss CAROLINE ADAMS. 
 
 DUBUQUE, IOWA, Nov. 10, 1876. 
 MESSRS. EDITORS, 
 
 GENTLEMEN: Enclosed please find MSS. subject 
 to your decision for your magazine. Price, $10. If 
 not accepted, please return. Stamps enclosed. 
 Yours, truly, 
 
 MRS. MARGARET KING. 
 
BUSINESS LETTERS. 329 
 
 Authors frequently find it necessary to solicit 
 reviews of their books from prominent publishers. 
 Either of the following forms is appropriate : 
 
 Mrs. M. J. Evans presents her compliments to the 
 
 editor of the , and will feel obliged by the 
 
 acceptance of the accompanying volume and such 
 
 a notice in the as he, upon examination, may 
 
 feel that the work deserves. 
 
 HIGHTSTOWN, N. J., Sept. 4, 1876. 
 
 WHEELING, W. VA., Nov. 19, 1876. 
 
 To THE EDITOR OF , 
 
 DEAR SIR: You have already shown me such 
 kindness in the reviews which you have given of my 
 previous books, that I venture to trespass upon your 
 attention again. I feel assured that a favorable 
 notice in the columns of your paper, would greatly 
 aid in the circulation of my book ; and if, upon an 
 examination of it, you find that you can conscien- 
 tiously give it such notice, I shall ever remain, 
 Yours, most sincerely and gratefully, 
 
 MRS. C. B. CAMPBELL. 
 
 SPRINGFIELD, MASS., May 9, 1876, 
 
 EDITOR , 
 
 DEAR SIR : I take the liberty of sending you an 
 advance copy of my forthcoming work. Will you 
 do me the favor to give it such notice in your paper 
 as it seems, upon examination, to deserve ? I shall 
 
330 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 not shrink from your criticism, if it is honest and 
 kind. By so doing you will greatly oblige 
 Yours, truly, 
 
 RICHARD H. CHAMBERLAIN. 
 
 The following letter is a form for requesting the 
 loan of a book : 
 
 DEAR SIR: I should consider it a great favor if 
 you would lend me the book entitled "The Geo- 
 graphical Distribution of Animals," which you 
 showed me when I called upon you a few days since. 
 I would like to examine it more carefully, and will 
 take the utmost care of it, and return it in a few 
 days. Yours, truly, 
 
 EDWARD H. BUTLER. 
 
 To MR. J. B. MORTIMER. 
 
 The following is a reply in the affirmative : 
 
 DEAR SIR: Accompanying this note I send you 
 the book which you requested. It gives me great 
 pleasure to afford you the opportunity of examining 
 it, for I am certain you will find much in it to cor- 
 roborate opinions which you already entertain. But 
 I must ask you to let me have it by the first of next 
 month, as I shall then have occasion to use it. 
 Yours, very truly, 
 
 JOSEPH B. MORTIMER. 
 To MR. E, H. BUTLER. 
 
BUSINESS LETTERS. 331 
 
 The following is a reply in the negative : 
 
 MY DEAR SIR : I regret exceedingly that my rule 
 never to permit my books to go beyond my own 
 library, compels me to refuse to lend you the book 
 which you desire. This rule I have been obliged, in 
 self-defence, to make invariable, since if I lend to 
 one, I must to all who ask me ; and I have learned 
 by sad experience that, by so doing, my books are 
 never at home when I need them, and sometimes 
 they never return at all. If I could do so, I should 
 be glad to make an exception in your case. It will 
 give me great pleasure to have you visit my library 
 at any time, and examine that or any other work at 
 your leisure. Believe me, as ever, 
 
 Yours, very sincerely, 
 
 JOSEPH B. MORTIMER. 
 
 To MR. E. H. BUTLER. 
 
 The following note may be sent on returning a 
 borrowed book : 
 
 DEAR SIR : I return you the book which you 
 were kind enough to lend me, and with it please 
 accept my warmest thanks for your kindness. If I 
 can at any time render you a like favor, it will give 
 me great pleasure to do so. I am, sir, 
 
 Yours, much obliged, 
 
 E. H. BUTLER. 
 To MR. J. B. MORTIMER. 
 
33 2 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 LETTERS REGARDING THE CHARACTER OF A 
 
 SERVANT. 
 
 1492 ARCH STREET, PHILADELPHIA, May 2, 1876. 
 MADAM: Bridget Ryan, having replied to my 
 advertisement in the Ledger for a cook, refers me to 
 you for a character. I feel particularly anxious to 
 obtain a good servant for ,the coming summer the 
 more so as my last occasioned me much trouble. I 
 shall therefore feel obliged by your making me 
 acquainted with any particulars referring to her 
 character, and remain, madam, 
 
 Your very obedient servant, 
 
 MRS. CHARLES THOMAS. 
 To MRS. GENERAL WM. GREEN. 
 
 1215 PINE STREET, PHILADELPHIA, May 3, 1876. 
 MRS. CHARLES THOMAS, 
 
 MADAM : I take an early opportunity of acknow- 
 ledging the receipt of your note. In regard to the 
 character of Bridget Ryan, it gives me pleasure to 
 say that she lived with me for two years, and during 
 all that time I found her active, diligent and efficient 
 She is a superior cook, and I have full confidence in 
 her honesty. The breaking up of my household 
 last summer, in order to go into the country, was the 
 occasion of my parting with her. I feel that I can 
 recommend her with full confidence of her being 
 likely to give you satisfaction. I am, madam, 
 Your very obedient servant, 
 
 MRS. WM. GREEN. 
 
J5USJNESS LETTERS. 333 
 
 1215 PINE STREET, PHILADELPHIA, May 3, 1876. 
 MRS. CHARLES THOMAS, 
 
 MADAM : In replying to your note of inquiry, I 
 beg to inform you that Bridget Ryan, who lived with 
 me in the capacity of cook, left my service because I 
 did not find her temper and habits in all respects 
 satisfactory. She was thoroughly competent as a 
 cook, but in other respects I cannot conscientiously 
 recommend her. I remain 
 
 Yours, very truly, 
 
 MRS. WM. GREEN. 
 
 NOTES, DRAFTS, BILLS AND RECIEPTS. 
 The following is the form of a promissory note : 
 
 $75-50. 
 
 Ninety days after date I promise to pay John 
 Williamson, or order, seventy-five and ^Q- dollars, 
 value received. 
 
 SAMUEL J. CARPENTER. 
 
 WOODBURY, N. J., Sept. i, 1875. 
 
 This note is negotiable, but needs to be endorsed 
 by John Williamson if it passes from his hands. 
 
 The next form we give is a common note of hand : 
 $25.00. 
 
 For value received, I promise to pay Ira J. Web- 
 ster, or bearer, twenty-five dollars the twelfth day 
 of July, 1877, with interest from date. 
 
 JACOB H. SIMKINS. 
 PHILADELPHIA, Jan. 12, 1877. 
 
 The third form is a note for property : 
 
334 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 Forty-five days after date I promise to deliver to 
 George Payson, or order, at my wagon-shop in 
 Camden, a good one-horse wagon, worth fifty dollars. 
 
 MICHAEL MCKINNEY. 
 CAMDEN, N. J., Oct. 5, 1876 
 
 We next give a form of a draft. To make this 
 negotiable the same as a note, it is necessary for the 
 person on whom it is drawn to write across the face 
 of the draft " accepted " and sign his name. This is 
 now as certainly a " promise to pay" as any other 
 form we have given, and there is no commercial 
 difference between them. 
 
 Ninety days after date pay to Robert Brougham, 
 or order, one hundred and seventy-five dollars, value 
 received, and charge to the account of 
 
 WILLIS BROTHERS. 
 PHILADELPHIA, Jan. 2, 1877. 
 
 The following is a proper form of a bill : 
 THOMAS CLARK, DR. 
 
 To Henry Morgan for labor furnished 
 according to agreement . . . $7. 50 
 Received payment. 
 
 The following is a common form of receipt : 
 
 NEW YORK, July 7, 1876. 
 
 Received of Benjamin Halliday & Co. the sum of 
 sixty-seven dollars and fifty cents as payment in full 
 for services to date. 
 
 DAVID K. SCHERMERHORN. 
 
 $67.50. 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 LETTERS OF CEREMONY. 
 
 U'NDER the general head of "Letters of Cere- 
 mony" we have included all letters of intro- 
 duction, invitation, acceptance or refusal, of congrat- 
 ulation and of condolence. Several forms of these 
 have already been given on previous pages. We 
 now append additional forms : 
 
 LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION. 
 
 BUFFALO, N. Y., July 26, 1876. 
 
 MR. THOMAS J. BAILEY, 
 
 DEAR SIR : I send you this letter for the purpose 
 of introducing Mr. Edward Grey, who desires to ap- 
 ply for the vacant situation in your office of which 
 you spoke to me yesterday, and whom, from what I 
 know of his capacity and standing with his former 
 employer, I am sure you will find perfectly satisfac- 
 tory if you decide to employ him. 
 Very truly yours, 
 
 ROBERT T. BURNHAM. 
 
 NEW YORK, Oct. 13, 1876. 
 MESSRS. GARRETTSON & Co., 
 
 GENTLEMEN : The bearer of this is Agnes Grey, a 
 lady who I am fully persuaded is competent to do 
 
 336 
 
336 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 in a satisfactory manner the work you wish done. 
 My acquaintance with her has led me to form a high 
 opinion of her abilities ; and whatever favor you may 
 show her will be appreciated by 
 Yours, sincerely, 
 
 WALTER CUNNINGHAM. 
 
 The following introductory letter may be appro- 
 priate in a case where a person wishes to introduce 
 to an intimate friend another person, a friend of the 
 writer, about whom the recipient of the letter has 
 often heard, and whose acquaintance he or she has 
 desired to make : 
 
 CONCORD, N. H., Aug. 17, 1876. 
 
 MY DEAR FRIEND : I am certain I need only men- 
 tion the name of the bearer of this letter, Mrs. Car- 
 rie E. Ellsworth, to ensure for her a most cordial 
 reception from you. If anything more is needed to 
 make this certain, let me remind you that whatever 
 kindness and cordiality you may feel disposed to 
 show her, will be regarded by me as having been 
 shown to myself. 
 
 I remain, as ever, yours, most sincerely, 
 
 MRS. ELIZABETH W. STRONG. 
 To MRS. ALICE B. PHELPS. 
 
 NOTES OF INVITATION. 
 
 The usual forms for invitations of various sorts 
 will be found in a previous chapter entitled " Epis- 
 
LETTERS OF CEREMONY. 337 
 
 tolary Etiquette." We insert here various other 
 forms, which may prove acceptable on special oc- 
 casions. The following is an invitation to a private 
 and unceremonious dinner : 
 
 DEAR JACK: My old friend, Captain Arnold, is 
 coming to take dinner with me on Wednesday the 
 8th. As I am certain you will find pleasure in 
 making his acquaintance (or meeting him, as the 
 case may be), I trust you will join us at three 
 o'clock. 
 
 Yours, truly, 
 
 HARRY FERGUSON. 
 
 The following is a proper form of acceptance : 
 
 FRIEND HARRY : I thank you for your kind invi- 
 tation for the 8th. It will give me great pleasure to 
 meet both yourself and Captain Arnold at the hour 
 you name. 
 
 Yours, truly, 
 
 JACK HILLARD. 
 
 If the invitation cannot be accepted, the refusal 
 may be couched in language something like the fol- 
 lowing : 
 
 MY DEAR HARRY: I regret that a previous en- 
 gagement (or whatever may be the preventing cause) 
 will prevent my acceptance of your kind invitation 
 
33^ OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 to dine with you on the 8th. My regret is all the 
 greater since I will lose the pleasure you promised 
 me of such excellent companionship as that of Cap- 
 tain Arnold. 
 
 Yours, sincerely, 
 
 JACK HILLARD. 
 
 Ceremonious invitations must always be written 
 in the third person, as in the forms given on pages 
 64, 65, 116, 117 and 118. 
 
 A young lady may, if she wishes to attend a party, 
 ball or concert, or other place where an escort is re- 
 quired, and is provided with no suitable one, write to 
 her affianced husband, or, if she is not yet engaged, 
 to some friend of the other sex with whom she is on 
 sufficiently intimate terms to venture to take such a 
 liberty, and request him to accompany her. If any 
 expense is to be incurred in thus attending her, she 
 should purchase the admission cards and enclose 
 them in her note to him. Such a note may read as 
 follows : 
 
 Miss Ida Osgood presents her compliments to 
 Mr. Charles Moore, and requests him to do her 
 the favor of escorting her to the opera on Friday 
 evening the I5th, if he has not already a previous 
 engagement. Enclosed he will find tickets of ad- 
 mission. 
 
 When the parties are on the terms of intimacy 
 usual between an affianced couple, a less ceremo 
 nious form of invitation may be allowed. 
 
LETTERS OF CEREMONY. 339 
 
 LETTERS OF CONGRATULATION. 
 
 The occasions on which they are due, and the 
 relations existing between writers and recipients 
 being so varied, it is impossible to give more than 
 the merest outline for letters of congratulation : 
 
 BALTIMORE, June 16, 1876. 
 
 MY DEAR TOM: Allow me to congratulate you 
 upon your sudden and unexpected good fortune. I 
 am convinced that no one would receive such fortune 
 in a better, wiser or more humble spirit than your- 
 self, and that no one more sincerely rejoices with 
 you on account of it than does 
 
 Your faithful friend, 
 
 EDWARD B. WILLIAMSON. 
 To MR. THOMAS J. BROWN. 
 
 GERMAN-TOWN, PA., Jan. 4, 1877. 
 
 MY DEAR MRS. JONES: It has given me great 
 pleasure to learn that your trials have been passed 
 through safely, and that you are the happy mother 
 of a fine boy. As a mother, I can myself enter into 
 your feelings, and know how heartily you are to be 
 congratulated in your present happiness. I shall do 
 myself the pleasure of calling upon you when cir- 
 cumstances justify me in so doing. In the mean 
 time, accept the assurances of my sincere sympathy, 
 my warmest friendship, and my earnest desire that 
 
340 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 you may have a speedy recovery to perfect health. 
 I am, madam, 
 
 Yours, most truly, 
 
 MRS. MARY B. THOMPSON. 
 To MRS. THEODORE JONES. 
 
 LETTERS OF CONDOLENCE. 
 
 BOSTON, Nov. 23, 1876. 
 MR. HENRY D. INGALLS, 
 
 MY DEAR FRIEND : It has given me great pain to 
 learn that so heavy a misfortune has fallen upon you. 
 I trust that your affairs will not prove so bad as they 
 seem at the first glance. If I can be of any service 
 to you, do not fail to call upon me. And whatever 
 happens, do not forget that I shall ever remain 
 Your faithful friend, 
 
 WILLIS B. RILEY. 
 
 WEST CHESTER, PA., June 4, 1876. 
 
 MRS. ELIZABETH K. RICHMOND, 
 
 DEAR MADAM : I almost hesitate to address you 
 in this your hour of profoundest sorrow ; and I only 
 venture to do so in the hope that, though you are 
 prostrated under the loss of your nearest and dearest 
 earthly friend, you may still find a little sad satisfac- 
 tion in the assurance that other friends are still left 
 you to whom you are most dear. Your loss is an 
 irreparable one, I am well aware, yet you must not 
 allow yourself to be utterly cast down. For the 
 
LETTERS OF CEREMONY. 341 
 
 sake of your dear children and the friends who re- 
 main to you, if not your own sake, you must try, 
 after a time, to gather a little strength and hope for 
 the future. Sympathizing with your sorrow in your 
 bereavement, I remain most sincerely 
 Your friend, 
 
 MRS. THOMAS J. CLARK. 
 
 LONG BRANCH, Aug. 14, 1876. 
 
 MY DEAR Miss MEREDITH: In times of such 
 peculiar sorrow as yours, it seems almost like in- 
 trusion for any but the nearest and dearest friends 
 to venture upon expressions of sympathy for you. 
 Nevertheless, I should feel myself a traitor to that 
 friendship which I have always felt and expressed 
 for you if I did not give you some small token of 
 the grief which I experienced when I learned of 
 your recent bereavement. It is so sad a thing to be 
 motherless that I can find no words of comfort to 
 offer you. However, I cannot but hope that time 
 may yet bring " healing on his wings," and that the 
 deep poignancy of your grief may be assuaged. 
 With feelings of the deepest sympathy and respect, 
 I remain 
 
 Your sincere friend, 
 
 CAROLINE S. MARSHALL, 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 LOVE-LETTERS. 
 
 PROBABLY there is no class of letters which 
 consume so much relative time and thought 
 and are the occasion of so much perplexity to their 
 writers as love-letters ; nevertheless, who would care 
 to express other than his own feelings and his own 
 words in writing a letter of declaration ? Still, it is 
 perhaps best to give a few models of these letters 
 and their replies, which, though we certainly hope 
 they may never be used, may yet serve as guides in 
 such correspondence. 
 
 LETTERS OF DECLARATION. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA, Mar. I, 1877. 
 
 MY DEAR Miss MOORE: You cannot but have 
 been aware for some time past that my feelings to- 
 ward you have been stronger than those of mere 
 friendship. Our long acquaintance has given me 
 ample opportunity to learn the excellences of your 
 character, and to prize them at their full value. It 
 has also afforded you a like opportunity to judge 
 whether I possess those characteristics which you 
 
 342 
 
L VE-LE TTERS. 343 
 
 would desire in a husband. Am I presumptuous in 
 hoping that you will consent to become my wife ? 
 Until I receive your answer I shall remain 
 Your anxious but no less ardent admirer, 
 
 GEORGE W. BURNSIDE. 
 
 CHESTNUT HILL, Feb. 14, 1877. 
 
 MY DEAR Miss ATHERTON : In spite of the brief- 
 ness of our acquaintance, you have inspired me with 
 such ardent affection that I risk all chance of failure 
 in my impatience to know my fate. May I hope 
 that you will learn to love me, if not as earnestly as 
 I love you, at least with sufficient warmth to give 
 me hope that at some future time I may be per- 
 mitted to call you my wife ? I shall await your 
 answer with great anxiety. Meantime, I remain 
 Your lover (if you will permit me to call myself so), 
 
 ALBERT J. BONHAM. 
 
 MY DEAR NELLIE : I love you. Will you be my 
 
 wife? 
 
 Yours, most affectionately, 
 
 CHARLIE. 
 
 LETTERS OF ACCEPTANCE AND REJECTION. 
 
 MY DEAR CHARLIE : With the greatest pleasure. 
 Yours, with like affection, 
 NELLIE. 
 
344 OUR BEHAVIOR. 
 
 GERMANTOWN, Feb. 15, 1877. 
 
 MR. ALBERT J, BONHAM, 
 
 DEAR SIR: Your letter, which I have just re- 
 ceived, has given me great pain. The honor which 
 you have shown me in asking me to be your wife 
 was as unexpected as it was undesired. I sincerely 
 regret that I can give you no encouragement in your 
 suit. Our acquaintance, brief as it is, has been of 
 sufficient duration to satisfy me that we are in no 
 way suited to each other. Nevertheless, I shall al- 
 ways prize your friendship, and hope that I may not 
 be deprived of it. Thanking you for the honor that 
 you have done me, and with deep regret that I must 
 disappoint you, I remain 
 
 Sincerely your friend, 
 
 ADELAIDE ATHERTON. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA, March 2, 1877. 
 
 MY DEAR MR. BURNSIDE : How can I thank you 
 for the honor you have done me in asking me to be 
 your wife ? It affords me the deepest satisfaction to 
 assure you that my sentiments toward you are most 
 favorable, and that I shall be both proud and happy 
 to regard you as my future husband. 
 
 Yours, most sincerely, 
 
 CATHARINE MOORE. 
 
INDEX. 
 
 A BSENT-MINDBDNKSS, 45, 157. 
 
 Acquaintances formed in traveling, 26. 
 
 forming, in public, 87. 
 
 traveling, 95. 
 
 Actions and attitudes, improper, 163. 
 Adapting yourself to others, 159. 
 Address on visiting cards, 176. 
 Advice, giving unsought, 46. 
 Affairs, charge of, at a funeral, 217. 
 
 private, of others, 46. 
 Air-bath, the, 231. 
 Altar, arrangement before the, 200. 
 Answering questions, 86. 
 Apologies, 160. 
 Aristocratic assumptions, 42. 
 Artist's studio, conduct in, 108. 
 " Asking papa," 136. 
 Assisting a lady from a horse, 101. 
 
 ladies from a carriage, 97. 
 
 to mount, loo. 
 Attentions, demanding, 87. 
 Attitudes, improper, 153. 
 
 BALDNESS, pomade against, 307. 
 Ball, giving a, 74. 
 
 preparations necessary for a, 75. 
 
 time for arriving at a, 76. 
 Ball room, flowers in the, 75. 
 
 general rules for the, 79. 
 Balls and dinner-parties, ox. 
 
 choice of guests at, 74. 
 
 conclusion of the dance at, 79. 
 
 engaging partners at, 78. 
 
 escort to, duties of, 76. 
 
 invitations to, 75. 
 
 necessary preparations for, 75. 
 
 receiving guests at, 76. 
 
 refreshments at, 77. 
 
 refusing to dance at, 78. 
 
 requisites for success in giving, 75. 
 
 retiring from, 80. 
 
 suppers at, 77. 
 
 tablets for, 77. 
 
 wall-flowers at, 78. 
 Bandoline, 303. 
 Bathing costumes, 284. 
 Bath, the, 230. 
 Beard, the, 244. 
 Beauty and health, 226. 
 
 Behavior at table, rules for, 144. 
 
 conspicuous, 158. 
 
 offensive, 86. 
 
 Bereaved families, seclusion of, 223. 
 Betting at cards, 172. 
 Bills, receipts, notes and drafts, 333. 
 Births and christenings, 210. 
 Black silk, to choose good, 317. 
 
 teeth, remedy for, 307. 
 Boasting, 154. 
 
 Bonnet, laying aside during calls, 57. 
 Books, borrowed, 162. 
 Boots and shoes, to make waterproof 
 
 kid, to clean, 311. 
 
 patent leather, to clean, 311. 
 Borrowed books, cards with, 175. 
 Bouquets, cards with, 175. 
 Bow, the, 32. 
 Breakfast, 154. 
 
 -table, the, 143. 
 
 the christening, 214. 
 Bridal bouquets, 188. 
 
 presents, 194. 
 
 Bridegroom, dress of, 199, 291. 
 Bridesmaids and groomsmen, 198. 
 
 dress of, 199, 291. 
 Bride, traveling-dress of, 291. 
 Burns, remedy for, 304. 
 Burnt shoes, remedy for, 317. 
 Business- woman's dress, 266. 
 
 CABINET officers, social duties of, 180. 
 Callers, offering refreshments to, 55. 
 Calls, 50. 
 
 dress for, 272. 
 
 dress for receiving, 273. 
 
 evening, 51. 
 
 dress for, 277. 
 
 general rules regarding, 53. 
 
 in the country, 55. 
 
 laying aside bonnet during, 37. 
 
 morning, 50, 
 
 new year's, 62. 
 
 on an invalid, 57. 
 
 on strangers, 57. 
 
 private, on the President, 179. 
 
 wedding, when to be returned, 2OJ. 
 
 who should make them first, 57. 
 Cant, 47- 
 
 345 
 
346 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Card-playing, 155. 
 
 etiquette of, 170. 
 Cards, betting at, 172. 
 
 cheating at, 171. 
 
 haste in playing, 172. 
 
 husband and wife playing together 
 in, to be avoided, 171. 
 
 knowledge of, and of other games, 
 
 new, 171. 
 
 not to be meddled with, 172. 
 
 of congratulation and of condolence, 
 
 176. 
 
 precedence in, 170. 
 proposing a game of, 170, 
 refusing to play at, 170. 
 understanding the game of, 170. 
 visiting, 51. 
 
 address on, 176. 
 
 etiquette of, 56, 174. 
 
 inscription on, 51. 
 
 turning down corners of, mean- 
 ing of, 175. 
 
 fashion of, 174. 
 
 of married ladies, 176. 
 
 with borrowed books, 176. 
 
 with bouquets, 175. 
 
 with Christmas presents, 176. 
 Card, wedding reception, 196. 
 Carriage, assisting ladies to alight from 
 
 a, 97- 
 
 dress, 270. 
 
 entering a, 97. 
 
 seat of honor in a, 97. 
 Carriages at a funeral, 219. 
 Cars, street, etiquette of, 92. 
 Cemetery, proceeding to the, 220. 
 Cerate, to make simple, 314. 
 Chapped hands, cure for, 306. 
 
 lips, cure for, 307. 
 Chess and other games, 172. 
 Chilblains, to cure, 301. 
 Child, naming the, 210. 
 Christening breakfast, the, 214. 
 
 ceremony, the, 211. 
 
 fees, 214. 
 
 fifts, 214. 
 ero of the day at the, 214. 
 
 the, 212. 
 
 Christenings, births and, 210. 
 Church, weddings at the, 199. 
 
 conduct in, 102. 
 
 dress for, 279. 
 
 Coffin, other decorations for, 221. 
 Cold cream, 301. 
 Cologne, 308. 
 Colors and dress, size in relation to, 264. 
 
 in dress, 261. 
 
 Comfort of others, consulting the, 95. 
 Commissions, undertaking, 162. 
 Company, absent-mindedness in, 45. 
 
 general, saluting a, 160. 
 
 Company, privacy in, 160. 
 
 reading in, 156. 
 
 whispering in, 45. 
 Complexion, to improve, 304. 
 Concert and lecture, dress for, 280. 
 
 or opera, invitation to, 104. 
 Conduct at fancy fairs, 107. 
 
 in an artist's studio, 108. 
 
 in church, 102. 
 
 in opera, theatre or public hall, 103 
 
 in picture-galleries, 107. 
 
 of gentleman toward ladies, 125. 
 
 of lady toward gentlemen, 125. 
 
 of the fiance, 137. 
 Confidence, the, of others, 46. 
 Congressmen, social duties of, 131. 
 Conspicuous behavior, 158. 
 Contradiction, 161. 
 Conversation, 36. 
 
 congenial subjects of, 47. 
 
 interruption in, 43. 
 
 unpleasant topics of, 46. 
 Conversing with ladies, 47. 
 Corns, remedies for, 255, 307. 
 Corpse, exhibition of, at funeral, 219. 
 Correct speech, 45. 
 Costume for going to Europe, 287. 
 Costumes, bathing, 284. 
 
 croquet and skating, 282. 
 
 evening, 276. 
 
 for country and seaside, 283. 
 
 for public places, 279. 
 
 for traveling, 285. 
 Cough or cold, remedy for, 314. 
 Couple, relations of an engaged, 139. 
 Courtesies in riding, 101. 
 
 to a lady, 158. 
 Court, costume in presentation at, 139. 
 
 presentation at, 139. 
 
 preliminaries to presentation at, 188 
 
 those eligible to presentation at, 187. 
 
 those who may present others at, 
 
 188. 
 Courtship, etiquette of, 124. 
 
 proper manner of, 127. 
 Croup, cure for, 313. 
 Cut, the, 26. 
 
 DANCE, refusing to, 78. 
 Death, notification of, 222. 
 Declaration, premature, 127. 
 Decorations, other than flowers, for cofi 
 
 fin, 221. 
 
 Deformities, noticing, 161. 
 Demanding attentions, 87. 
 Departure of visitors, 52. 
 Dining-room, proceeding to the, 67. 
 Dining-table, arrangement of guests at, 
 
 67. 
 Dinner, 147. 
 
 a la Russe, 68. 
 
 conclusion of the, 79. 
 
INDEX. 
 
 347 
 
 Dinner, fish at, 69. 
 
 general rules regarding, 69. 
 gloves and napkins at, 68. 
 parties and balls, 63. 
 
 failing to fulfill an engagement 
 to, 65. 
 
 introduction of guests at, 67. 
 
 invitation to, accepted, 64. 
 
 invitation to, declined, 65. 
 
 manner of writing invitations 
 to, 64. 
 
 number of guests at, 63. 
 
 proper hour for, 66. 
 
 punctuality to, 63. 
 
 reception of guests at, 63. 
 
 time of sending invitations to, 
 
 63. 
 
 soup at, 68. 
 
 watching how others do at, 71. 
 Dinner-table, retiring from the, 73. 
 Discoloration of skin, to remove, 300. 
 Dogmatic style of speaking, 43. 
 Door, opening the, for a lady, 35. 
 Double-entendres, 39. 
 Drafts, receipts, notes and bills, 333. 
 Draping the house in mourning, 213. 
 Dress and colors, size in relation to, 264. 
 appropriate, 260. 
 at a wedding, 202. 
 business-woman's, 266. 
 carriage, 270. 
 colors in, 261. 
 dinner, 274. 
 for bathing, 284. 
 for church, 279. 
 for country and seaside, 283. 
 for evening call, 277. 
 for foreign tour, 287. 
 for lecture and concert, 280. 
 for opera, 280. 
 for receiving calls, 273. 
 for social party, 277. 
 for soiree and ball, 277. 
 for theatre, 279. 
 
 for visiting and receiving calls, 272. 
 for second marriage of widow, 292. 
 general rules in regard to, 256. 
 materials for, 263. 
 morning, for home, 265. 
 
 for house and street, 265. 
 
 for street, 266. 
 
 for visitors, 265. 
 of bridegroom, 199, 291. 
 of bridesmaid, 199, 291. 
 of guests at dinner-party, 274. 
 
 at wedding reception, 292. 
 of hostess, 274. 
 ordinary evening, 276. 
 promenade, 267. 
 riding, 271. 
 
 suitable, for funeral, 221. 
 traveling, 285. 
 
 Dress of bride, 291. 
 
 wedding, 290. 
 Dressing-room, gentleman's, 229. 
 
 lady's, 227. 
 
 the, 226. 
 Driving, riding and traveling, etiquetta 
 
 Duties of an escort in traveling, 88. 
 of first groomsman, 200. 
 of visitors, 59. 
 
 social, of cabinet officers, 180. 
 of Congressmen, 181. 
 of the President, 178. 
 Duty, a lady's, to her escort, 89. 
 
 of ladies to other ladies in traveling, 
 94- 
 
 ECCENTRICITY, 161. 
 
 Egotism, 45. 
 
 Emotions, display of, 45. 
 
 Engaged couple, relation of an, 139. 
 
 man, position of an, 138. 
 
 or "not at home," 54. 
 
 woman, position of an, 138. 
 Engaging partners, 78. 
 Engagement, breaking an, 142. 
 
 failing to fulfill an, 65. 
 
 presents after, 141. 
 
 ring, the, 137. 
 Entering a carriage, 97. 
 Envelopes, wedding, 197. 
 Epistolary etiquette, in. 
 Escort, a lady's duty to her, 89. 
 
 duties of an, 76. 
 
 times when required, 82. 
 Esquire, title of, in England, 184. 
 Etiquette in houses of mourning, 218. 
 
 miscellaneous rules of, 149. 
 European titles, 185. 
 Europe, directions for voyage to, 287. 
 Evening calls, 51. 
 
 costume, 276. 
 Evil speaking, 44. 
 Exclamations, vulgar, 40. 
 Expressions, words and indelicate, 39. 
 Expression, unwise, of opinion, 37. 
 Eyes, the, lashes and brows, 236. 
 
 FAMILIARITIES, forbidden, 159. 
 Familiarity, checking, 93. 
 
 undue, 42. 
 Family letter, the, in. 
 
 the, of the young man, 138. 
 False hair, how to darken faded, 319. 
 Fancy fairs, conduct at, 107. 
 Fashions, following, in moderation, 256^ 
 Faultfinding, 44. 
 
 Favor, asking and receiving a, 157. 
 Fees, christening, 214. 
 
 marriage, 201. 
 Feet, the, 249. 
 Felon, certain cure for, 313. 
 
348 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Fiance, conduct of the, 137. 
 First to call, the, 57. 
 Fish, 69. 
 
 Fixing the day, 191. 
 Flattery, 43. 
 
 Flowers in a ball-room, 75. 
 Foreign language, use of, 41. 
 Foreign titles, 182. 
 Freckles, to remove, 299. 
 Friendly letter, the, 112. 
 Friendship, the kiss of, 35. 
 Fruit-stains, to remove, 314. 
 Funeral, after the, 221. 
 
 carriages for a, 219. 
 
 charge of affairs at, 217. 
 
 expense of, 217. 
 
 flowers at a, 221. 
 
 invitations to a, 216. 
 
 obligations to attend a, 222. 
 
 receiving guests at a, 219. 
 
 suitable dress for, 221. 
 Funerals, 216. 
 Furs, putting away for the summer, 320. 
 
 GARMENTS, to extract paint from, 316. 
 General invitations, 58. 
 
 company, saluting a, 160. 
 rules in regard to dress, 256. 
 for a ball-room, 79. 
 for behavior at table, 144. 
 of etiquette in mourning, 218. 
 regarding calls, 52. 
 dinner, 69. 
 letter- writing, 120. 
 Gentleman, conduct of lady toward, 125. 
 
 of, toward ladies, 125. 
 and lady walking together, 84. 
 Gentry, 183. 
 Gifts, christening, 214. 
 Gloves and napkin at dinner-parties, 68. 
 
 kid, to clean, 309. 
 Godparents or sponsors, 212. 
 
 presents from, 213. 
 Good maxims, 163. 
 Good name, a woman's, 162. 
 Governing our moods, 152. 
 Grease-spots, to remove, 311. 
 Groomsman, duties of first, 200. 
 Groomsmen and bridesmaids, 198. 
 Guests at a funeral, receiving, 219. 
 
 at dinner-parties, introductions of, 
 67. 
 
 reception of, 67. 
 choice of, at a ball, 74. 
 dress of, at dinner-parties, 274. 
 at wedding-receptions, 292. 
 number of, at dinner-party, 63. 
 receiving, at a ball, 76. 
 Gums and teeth, to clean, 307. 
 
 HABITS to be avoided, 156. 
 Hair-curling fluid, 302. 
 
 Hair, curling the, 246. 
 
 the, to keep in curl, 320. 
 
 to prevent from falling out, 302. 
 
 to prevent from turning gray, 306. 
 
 to soften and beautify the, 306. 
 Handshaking, etiquette of, 33. 
 Hands, rough and chapped, remedy for, 
 306. 
 
 shaking, 33. 
 
 to soften the, 304. 
 Hand, the, 246. 
 Haste in playing, 172. 
 Hat, lifting the, 25. 
 
 removing the, 157. 
 Health and beauty, 226. 
 Hero of the day at christening, 214. 
 High-flown language, 41. 
 Hobbies, 48. 
 
 Home, morning-dress for, 265. 
 Horse, assisting lady to alight from, 101. 
 
 to mount a, 100. 
 Hospitality, true, 59. 
 Hostess, dress of, at dinner-party, 274. 
 House and street, morning-dress for, 265. 
 House of mourning, general rules con- 
 cerning, 218. 
 Husband and wife playing together at 
 
 cards, 171. 
 Hypocrisy, a commendable, 152. 
 
 ILLNESS, calls during, 56. 
 Imperial rank, 135. 
 Impertinent questions, 46. 
 Improper actions and attitudes, 153, 163. 
 Indelicate words and expressions, 39. 
 Inferiors, treatment of, 157. 
 Ingrowing nails of toes, cure for, 313. 
 Ink-spots, to take, from linen, 314. 
 Intercourse, social, between the sexes, 
 
 124. 
 
 Interruptions in conversation, 43. 
 Introducing relatives, 23. 
 Introduction, letters of, 27, 114, 335. 
 Introductions, 21. 
 
 at ball, 78. 
 
 bestowing of titles in, 24. 
 
 casual, 23. 
 
 in the street, 26. 
 
 modes of salutation after, 25. 
 
 obligatory, 24. 
 
 of guests at dinner-parties ; 67. 
 
 of strangers or foreigners, 23. 
 
 proper forms of, 22. 
 
 recognition after, 25. 
 
 the obligations of, 25. 
 Intruding on privacy, 158. 
 Intrusions, 160. 
 Invalid, calling on an, 57. 
 Invitation, letters of, 116. 
 
 notes of, 336. 
 
 to a funeral, 216. 
 
 to dinner, accepted, 64. 
 
INDEX. 
 
 349 
 
 Invitation to dinner, declined, 63. 
 manner of writing, 64. 
 -party, time of sending, 63. 
 to opera or concert, 104. 
 to tea-party, 65. 
 Invitations, general, 58. 
 to a ball, 75. 
 
 JEWELRY, rich, when it may be worn, 
 
 281. 
 Jokes, practical, 162. 
 
 KEEPING step, 85. 
 
 Kid boots, to clean, 311. 
 
 gloves, to clean, 309. 
 
 or leather shoes, remedy for burnt, 
 
 317. 
 
 Kissing in public by women, 35. 
 Kiss of friendship, 35. 
 
 of respect, 35. 
 
 the, 34. 
 
 the lover's, 35. 
 
 Knowledge of cards and other games, 
 173. 
 
 ostentatious display of, 38. 
 
 LACES, how to wash, 319. 
 
 Ladies, conduct of gentleman toward, 
 
 125. 
 duty of, to other ladies in traveling, 
 
 semshness of, 96. 
 
 underclothing of, 257. 
 Lady and gentleman walking together, 
 84. 
 
 a, will not occupy too many seats in 
 a car, 91. 
 
 conduct of a, toward gentlemen,. 
 125. 
 
 courtesies to a, 158. 
 
 in public, carriage of a, 87. 
 
 opening the door for a, 35. 
 
 traveling alone, 90. 
 Lady's dressing-room, 227. 
 
 duty to her escort, 89. 
 
 prerogative, the, 25. 
 
 "No," a, 132. 
 Language, foreign, use of, 41. 
 
 high-flown, 41. 
 
 Leather shoes, burnt, remedy for, 317. 
 Leavetaking, 61. 
 
 Lecture and concert, dress for, 280. 
 Letters of acceptance and rejection, 343. 
 
 of acknowledgment, 323. 
 
 of condolence, 115, 343. 
 
 of congratulation, 115, 339. 
 
 of declaration, 342. 
 
 of introduction, 27, 114, 333. 
 
 of invitation, 117. 
 
 regaiding character of a servant, 
 
 33*- 
 
 liciting a situation, 324. 
 
 $oU( 
 
 Letter, the business, 113. 
 
 the family, in. 
 
 the friendly, 112. 
 
 the love, 113. 
 Letter-writing, general rules regarding, 
 
 120, 321. 
 
 Lifting the hat, 25. 
 Linen, how to whiten, 315. 
 
 to take ink-spots from, 314 
 
 to take mildew out of, 312. 
 Lip-salve, 303. 
 Lips, chapped, 307. 
 Listening, 36. 
 Love at first sight, 126. 
 Lovers' quarrels, 141. 
 Luncheon, 145. 
 
 MAKING and receiving presents, 149. 
 Man, position of an engaged, 138. 
 Marriage fees, 201. 
 
 last visits before, 195. 
 
 proposals of, 130. 
 
 second, of a widow, 292. 
 
 settlements, 192. 
 
 Married lady, visiting-card of, 176. 
 Matters, public mention of private, 381 
 Maxims, good, 163. 
 
 Washington's, 164. 
 Meddling with the cards, 172. 
 Meeting in the street, 26. 
 Mentioning husband or wife, 160. 
 Mildew, to take, out of linen, 312. 
 Miscellaneous rules of etiquette, 149. 
 Miss, Mrs. and Mr., 177. 
 Mode of salutation after introductk 0, 
 
 Moderation in speaking, 154. 
 Moods, governing our, 152. 
 Morning calls, 50. 
 Morning-dress for home, 265. 
 
 for house or street, 265. 
 
 for street, 265. 
 
 for visitors, 265. 
 
 Moths, protection against, 315, 320. 
 Mourning, deep, 295. 
 
 draping the house in, 218. 
 
 house of, 213. 
 
 lesser degree of, 296. 
 
 period of, 223. 
 
 second, 296. 
 
 NAMING the child, 210. 
 
 Napkin and gloves at dinner, 63. 
 
 New cards, 171. 
 
 " No," a lady's, 132. 
 
 Nobility, 183. 
 
 " Not at home," 54. 
 
 Notes, drafts, bill and receipts, y& 
 
 of invitation, 336. 
 Noticing deformities, 161. 
 Notification of death, 222. 
 
350 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 Nubia, how to wash a, 313. 
 
 Number of guests at a dinner-party, 63 
 
 OPERA, conduct at an, 105. 
 
 dress for, 280. 
 
 invitation to, 104. 
 Opinion, unwise expression of, 37. 
 Opinions, religious, 156. 
 Others, adapting yourself to, 159. 
 
 attending to the wants of, 96. 
 
 consulting the comfort of, 95. 
 
 precedence to, 153. 
 
 private affairs of, 46. 
 
 sympathizing with, 152. 
 Outer dresses, 259. 
 Outfit, wedding, 290. 
 Ox-marrow pomatum, 308. 
 
 PACE in riding, 100. 
 Packages, carrying, 86. 
 Paint, to extract from garments, 316. 
 " Papa, asking," 136. 
 Parties, dinners and balls, 63. 
 Partners, engaging, 78. 
 Patent-leather boots, to clean, 311. 
 Peers and peeresses, rights of, 190. 
 People, young, attention to, in society, 
 
 151. 
 
 Picture-gallery, conduct in, 107. 
 Pitch or tar, to remove spots of, 316. 
 Politeness, 163. 
 
 Pomade against baldness, 307. 
 Pomatum, ox-marrow, 308. 
 Position of an engaged man, 138. 
 
 woman, 138. 
 P. P. C., 175- 
 Practical jokes, 162. 
 Precedence in cards, 170. 
 
 of others, 153. 
 Prerogative, the lady's, 25. 
 Presentation at court, 187, 189. 
 
 preliminaries to, 138. 
 
 those eligible to, 137. 
 
 those not eligible to, 187. 
 
 those who may conduct others for, 
 188. 
 
 costume, 189. 
 Presents after engagement, 141. 
 
 bridal, 194. 
 
 Christmas, 176. 
 
 from godparents, 213. 
 
 making and receiving, 149. 
 
 wedding, 203. 
 President, private call upon the, 179. 
 
 social duties of the, 178. 
 Presidential receptions, 179. 
 Pretences, 42. 
 Privacy in company, 160. 
 
 intruding on, 158. 
 Private affairs of others, 46. 
 
 public mention of, 38. 
 
 call upon the President, 179. 
 
 Profanity, 40. 
 
 Promenade, the, 267. 
 
 Proposals o'l marriage, 131. 
 
 Protection of sex, the, 81. 
 
 Prudery, 38. 
 
 Public, carriage of a lady in, 87. 
 
 forming acquaintances in, 87, 
 
 hall, conduct in, 105. 
 
 places, costumes for, 279. 
 etiquette of, 94. 
 
 tables, etiquette of, 94. 
 
 women kissing in, 35. 
 Punctuality, 66, 158. 
 
 QUESTIONS, answering, 86. 
 
 RANK, imperial, 185. 
 Reading in company, 156. 
 
 when traveling, 96. 
 Receipts, bills, notes and drafts, 333 
 Receiving and asking a favor, 157. 
 
 and making presents, 149. 
 
 a visitor, 51. 
 
 guests at a ball, 76. 
 
 at a funeral, 219. 
 Reception-days, 55. 
 
 of guests at dinner-party, 67. 
 
 wedding-, 201. 
 
 Receptions, presidential, 179. 
 Recognizing acquaintances upon the 
 
 street, 83. 
 
 Rejected suitor, the, 135. 
 Relations of an engaged couple, 139 
 Relatives, introducing, 23. 
 Religious opinions, 156. 
 Remedy for black teeth, 307. 
 
 for burnt shoes, 317. 
 
 for cough or cold, 314. 
 Removing the hat, 157. 
 Reproof, administering, 161. 
 Respect, kiss of, 35. 
 Ribbons and silks, to clean, 317. 
 Ridicule, 156. 
 Riding, courtesies in, 101. 
 
 -dress, 271. 
 
 etc., etiquette of, 88, 99. 
 
 pace in, too. 
 
 preparations for, 99. 
 Ring, engagement, 137. 
 
 tight, to remove, 310. 
 Rose-water, 303. 
 Royalty, 132. 
 Rudeness in speech, 160. 
 Rules, general, for a ball-room, 79 
 
 for behavior at table, 144. 
 
 regarding calls, 52. 
 dinner, 69. 
 letter-writing, 120. 
 
 miscellaneous, of etiquette, 149 
 
 SALUTATION, mode of, after introduc- 
 tion, 25. 
 
INDEX. 
 
 351 
 
 Salutation, words of, 32 
 Salutations, 29. 
 in public, 154. 
 of different nations, 31 , 
 Saluting a general company, 160. 
 Salve, lip, 303. 
 
 Sea-side and country, costumes for, 283. 
 Seat of honor in a carriage, 97. 
 
 retaining possession of a, 91. 
 Seats, occupying too many, 91. 
 Seclusion of bereaved family, 223. 
 Second marriage of widow, dress for, 
 292. 
 
 mourning, 296. 
 Selfishness of ladies, 96. 
 Sexes, social intercourse between the, 
 
 124. 
 
 Shaking hands, 33. 
 
 Shoes and boots, how to make water- 
 proof, 309. 
 Shyness, 153. 
 
 Silks and ribbons, to clean, 317. 
 Silk, to choose good black, 317. 
 to remove spots from, 315. 
 Silver, cleaning, 311. 
 
 wedding, the, 206. 
 Simple cerate, to make, 314. 
 Singing and playing in society, 154. 
 Skating and croquet costumes, 282. 
 Skin, discolorations of, to remove, 300. 
 Skin, for roughness of the, 305. 
 
 how to acquire a bright and smooth, 
 ,304- 
 the, 234. 
 Slang, 41. 
 Smoking, 155. 
 
 in the presence of women, 93. 
 upon the streets, 86. 
 Social duties of Cabinet officers, 180. 
 of Congressmen, 181. 
 of the President, 178. 
 etiquette at Washington, 178. 
 intercourse between the sexes, 124. 
 party, dress for, 277. 
 Society, attention to young people in, 
 
 151. 
 
 singing and playing in, 154. 
 Soiree and ball, dress for, 277. 
 Soup, 68. 
 
 Speaking, dogmatic style of, 43. 
 evil, 44. 
 
 moderation in, 154. 
 one's mind, 37. 
 Speech, correct, 45. 
 
 rudeness in, 160. 
 Spitting, 155. 
 
 Sponsors or godparents, 212. 
 Spots, grease, how to remove, 311, 314. 
 ink, to remove from linen, 314. 
 of pitch or tar, to remove, 316. 
 Stains and spots, to remove, from silk, 
 3", 315. 
 
 Stains and spots, fruit, to remove, 314. 
 
 Jia remove, from white cotton goods, 
 
 316. 
 
 Stairs, up and down, 36. 
 Step, keeping, 85. 
 Sticking-plaster, 304. 
 Strangers, calling on, 57. 
 
 introduction of, 23. 
 Street cars, etiquette of, 92. 
 
 etiquette of the, 81. 
 
 meeting in the, 26. 
 
 morning-dress for, 266. 
 
 recognizing acquaintances upon the, 
 83. 
 
 smoking upon the, 86. 
 Studio, artist's, conduct in an, 103. 
 Success in ball-giving, requisites for, 75. 
 Suitor, the rejected, 135. 
 Supper, the ball-, 77. 
 Sympathizing with others, 152. 
 
 TABLE etiquette, 143. 
 
 general rules for behavior at, 144. 
 
 retiring from the, 73. 
 
 the breakfast-, 143. 
 Tablets, ball, 77. 
 Tan, to remove, 306. 
 Tar or pitch, to remove stains of, 316. 
 Tea-party, invitation to, 65. 
 Teeth and gums, to clean the, 307. 
 
 black, to clean, 307. 
 
 the, 231. 
 Theatre, conduct in, 103. 
 
 dress for the, 279. 
 Tight ring, to remove, 210. 
 Titles, bestowing of, 24. 
 
 European, 185. 
 
 foreign, 182. 
 Toes, ingrowing nails on, to cure, 313. 
 Toilette-bottles, to loosen stoppers of, 
 310. 
 
 the, 225. 
 
 Topics to be avoided in general conver- 
 sation, 44. 
 
 unpleasant, of conversation, 46. 
 Toothache preventive, 312. 
 Travelling acquaintances, 95. 
 
 alone by a lady, 90. 
 
 attending to wants of others in, 96. 
 
 consulting comfort of others in, 95. 
 
 costumes for, 285. 
 
 -dress, 285. 
 
 of bride, 291. 
 
 duties of an escort in, 88. 
 
 duty of ladies to other ladies in, 94. 
 
 etiquette of, 88. 
 
 lady's duty to escort in, 89. 
 
 reading when, 96. 
 
 selfishness of ladies in, 96. 
 Treatment of inferiors, 157. 
 Trousseau, the, 193, 292. 
 True hospitality, 59. 
 
352 
 
 INDEX. 
 
 UNDERCLOTHING, ladies', 257. 
 Undertaking commissions, 162. 
 Underwear, gentlemen's, 259. 
 Undue familiarity, 42. 
 Uneasiness, 158. 
 
 Unpleasant topics of conversation, 46. 
 Unsought advice, giving, 46. 
 Unwise expression of opinion, 37. 
 Use of foreign language, 41. 
 
 VISITING-CARDS, 51. 
 
 address on, 176. 
 
 etiquette of the, 56, 174. 
 
 fashion of, 174. 
 
 inscription on, 51. 
 
 of married lady, 176. 
 
 turning down corner of, 175. 
 
 with borrowed books, 176. 
 
 with bouquets,. 175. 
 
 with Christmas presents, 176. 
 
 and receiving calls, dress for, 272. 
 Visit, limit of a prolonged, 59. 
 Visitor, duties of the, 59. 
 
 morning-dress for, 265. 
 
 receiving a, 51. 
 Visitors, departure of, 52. 
 Visits, etiquette of, 50. 
 
 last, before marriage, 195 
 
 of condolence, 58. 
 Vulgar exclamations, 50. 
 
 WALL-FLOWERS at a ball, 78. 
 Washington's maxims, 164. 
 Washington, social etiquette at, 178. 
 Watching how others do, 71. 
 Waterproof, to make boots and shoes, 
 
 wSding-calls, 
 
 203. 
 
 Wedding-cards, 105. 
 
 -day, fixing the, 191. 
 
 dress at a, 202. 
 
 -dress, the, 290. 
 
 etiquette, 191. 
 
 -feast, the, 202. 
 
 -outfit, the, 290. 
 
 -parties, 202. 
 
 -presents, 203. 
 
 reception, 201. 
 cards, 196. 
 dress of guests at, 292. 
 
 -ring, the, 200. 
 
 the china, 206. 
 
 the crystal, 205. 
 
 the diamond, 207. 
 
 the paper, 204. 
 
 the silver, 206. 
 
 the tin, 205. 
 
 the wooden, 204. 
 Weddings, anniversary, 204. 
 
 invitations to, 207. 
 
 marriage ceremony at, 208. 
 
 present at, 207. 
 Whispering in company, 45. 
 White cotton goods, to remove stains 
 
 from, 316. 
 
 Widow, marriage of, 291. 
 Wine-drinking, 155. 
 Wit, 45. 
 
 Woman, position of engaged, 138. 
 Woman's, a, good name, 162. 
 
 business-, dress, 266. 
 Women kissing in public, 35. 
 
 smoking in the presence of, 93 
 Woolen cloth, to clean, 314. 
 Words, indelicate, 39. 
 Wrinkles, to remove, 300.