THE D I A B O L I A D; AND DIABO-LADY. THE D I A B O L I A D, A POEM. DEDICATED TO THE WORST MAN I N HIS MAJESTY'S DOMINIONS. ALSO, THE DIABO-LADY: O R, A MATCH IN HELL. TO REIGN IS WORTH AMBITION, THO* IN HELL! MILTON. LONDON: Printed: And DUBLIN Reprinted. 1777. DEDICATION T O T H E WORST MAN I N HIS MAJESTY'S DOMINIONS. My LORD, I H A V E not the honour of be- ing acquainted with your Lordfhip ; and as I do not wifh there fhould be any attempt to violate my pro- perty, to eftrange the afTeftions of my wife, to feduce my daughter, of corrupt my fon ; it is a matter of A 3 real vi DEDICATION. real fatis%lion to me, that I have not formed any connections with you. To addrefs you, my Lord, in the name you derive from your Ancef- tors, would be treating you, in com- mon with thofe who have no titles to difiinguifh them from the herd of ordinary men. The moft emi- nent Bards, Orators, Philofophers, and Statefmen, have felt greater de- light, and received an higher fame from titles characteriftic of their ex- cellence, than imperial favour could beftow. Does not Mr. Carriers cha- racler, my Lord, derive an honour from the application of thofe titles he fo well deferves, the Reformer of the Stage^ the Great Theatrical Exam- ple, the Eritijh Aftor, &c. &c. with which his particular name has no more DEDICATION. vii more to do, than any otjjer which has been ufed for the purpofes of focial diftinclion ? If I were to quote to your Lordfhip an opinion of 0- lomorfs, you might, perhaps, ima- gine him to be a Jew-broker, a near relation, a familiar fervant, or a cha- racter in a Comedy ; but when I men- tion a faying of the Wife Man, your Lordfhip will immediately perceive, by this diftinguifhing characleriftic appellation, that I mean no lefs a perfonage than the King of IJrael. How faint does General Sir Jeffery, or even Lord Amherft found, when compared with the Conqueror of Ame- rica! And how infipid is the title of* General, Sir William, or even Lord How, on a comparifon with the Re- conquerors of it fhould the wifhes of Great Britain be compleated ! Cicero viii DEDICATION. Cicero and many others among the Antients owed their names to fome perfonal peculiarity or defect, and the misfortune of bandy legs gave a well-known title to one of our own Monarch s. I do not know, my Lord, that Nature has been guilty of any inattention to your form ; and if fhe had, it would not have concerned me, whcr look to the mind as the beft fource of name and title. Though, if I had time, and it were to the purpofe, we might find it matter of curious fpeculation tcr enquire, why the pooreft and moil ignoble man on earth, if capricious Nature has placed a hunch upon his back, fhould be honoured with the fame title as your Lordfhip, and without the for- malities of a Royal Patent. But DEDICATION. ix But to proceed. The bulk of mankind, who are incapable of nice obfervation, and to whom, if they were capable, it would be ufelefs, look not to the more intermediate ftate of human character; but, paff- ing at once to the extremes, fix their attention on the Beft and Worft of Men. Your Lordfhip need not, therefore, be afraid, that you will cfcape that celebrity which I mean to beftow by this Dedication. How- ever, not to omit any thing which may produce your conviction, I (hall beg leave, my Lord, to acquaint you, that many years ag;o, when mankind in general were not fo en- lightened and informed, more parti- cularly with refpecl to characler, as they are at prefeht, a Letter was published, x DEDICATION. publiflied, addreffed To the Moft Im- pudent Man Living ; a title far more vague and indeterminate than that which I have done myfelf the ho- nour of giving to your Lordfhip. Neverthelefs, the public eye imme- diately difcovered to whom this poor performance, for it was a very poor one, was addreffed, though he was flickered, where one would think impudence could not find a ihelter, in the bofom of the Church. There are many in the world, who think the perfection of their abilities to confift in making their vices the means of attracting the notice of mankind. Your Lordfhip's own heart will tell you, that you are one of the number; and furely you will think DEDICATION. xi think all further reafoning on this fubjecl nugatory and impertinent, when I aflure you, my Lord, that your fuccefs has been equal to your wifhes. However, if you are not con- vinced by my arguments; and the propriety of that title which my pen has beftowed upon you fhouldbea matter of doubt in your Lordf hip's breaft; will you, my Lord, do me the favour to travel a few lines far- ther, and hear my excufes for the liberty I have taken ? You will there- fore pardon me, if I am now obliged to turn from fo important an objecl as Lord , to fo inconfiderable an Individual as myfelf. I was xii DEDICATION. I was not born to refine and po-* lifh my own Competitions! The long habit of making rapid {ketches of men and things, has rendered me wholly incapable of filling up an Outline with thofe effectual mattes of light and fhade, and that happy, harmonious mixture of colours, which diftinguifh the woik of judicious ap- plication. I know, my Lord, that 1 am a carelefs Writer : The inaccu- racies of this Addrefs, and the pages which fucceed it, will, I fear, fully, prove my aiTertion. Ncverthelefs I feel a felf-complacency refulting from this performance, unlaboured as it may be, which I am fure your Lord- fhip would wifh me to poffefs as my folace and my reward. This fa- tisfaclion, therefore, I cannot fufFer to be diminifhed, nor my allowable Vanity DEDICATION. xiii vanity to be mortified, by prefixing a name to my work, which is to be continually feen in the annual pages of the blufhing Regifter, and which you never fuffer to be erafed from the Journals of your Tradefmen. J am, my Lord, with due refpeft, Your Lordfhip's fmcere Friend, * * # * #. THE /' X X" X x X THE D I A B O L I A D. A HE DEVIL, grown, old, was anxious to prepare A fit Succeflbr for the Infernal Chair. At length, he fummon'd forth his chofen band ; And thus the Monarch gave his laft command : B Expand i8 THE DIABOLIAD. " Expand your fable wings, and fpeed to Earth ! " To every Knave of Power, and Imp of Birth, " Statefmen and Peers, thefe welcome tidings tell, *' That I refolve to quit the Throne of HELL : '* But, ere I ceafe to reign, 'twill be my care " From my dear Children to ele& an Heir. " For this important end, I now proclaim, " And fwearby SATAN'S high and mighty name, " That ere the porting Sun's refplendent ray " Dawns on the Upper World another day, " With all terrific pomp, I will appear " On the dark, ebon Throne of HELL, to hear " The Claimants of its honours each difplay " Their.titles to my proud, imperial fway. " This purpofe kt my favourite Mortals know, " And give them convoy to my realms below." They heard, and inftant foar'd upon the wind; The Infernal Regions foon were left behind. By T H E D I A B O L I A D. 19 By whirlwinds borne,, they urge the rapid flight," Till, gently fluttering round the giddy height Of PAUL'S black, footy Dome, they unob- ferv'd alight. In ftri& obedience to their King's command, The human (hape aflum'd, along the STRAND They bend their courfe, to where the Scaffold flood That whilom fmok'd with ftreams of royal blood : And where, I truft, if Tyrant Kings fucceed To fpurn our facred Laws, thofe Kings (hall bleed. Here they difperfe:--Sometake their fav'rite way To thofe fam'd manfions where the Sons of Play By trick and rapine (hare a bafe reward ; Shake the falfe dye, and pack the ready card : In folemn tone their errand they proclaim, Their highcommiflion,andtheirSovcrcign'sn3me. B2 . \Vith 20 THEDIABOLIAD. With joy and wonder ftruck, the Parties rife I " Hell is worth trying for," F******** cries ; Pigeons are left unpluck'd, the game unplay'd, And F forgets the certain Bett he made ; E'en S 1 n feels Ambition fire his breaft, And leaves, tylf-told, the fabricated Jeft. Welt-pleas'd, th' Infernal Minifters refume Their real forms, and through the midnight gloom, On wide-ftretch'd wings, the eager Claimants bore To the dank darknefs of the Stygian fhore. The reft of Hell's induftrious Band refort To the corrupted Purlieus of the Court ; To lure theStatefman from his deep-lay'd fcheme, To weak the Courtier from his golden dream, And make the C b 1 n defire to hold Hell's weighty Sceptre, for 'tis made of gold. Sure he'd refign for fuch a tempting fee ! HELL'S Sceptre far outweighs the Golden Key ! But' THEDIABOLIAD. 21 But cautious H ****** * (brinks, when rifles arc run, And leaves fuch Honours for his ELDEST SON. Now prowling onwards to the noifome caves ere PROSTITUTION rules her needy (laves, They tempt the Lordling, by Ambition's charms, :-i the rank pleafures of a Harlot's arms ; TI, vvith the Mortal Croud, they bend their flight To the dark realms of everlafting Night. Lords of the Chamber, Minifters of State," With Sons of Lords, and Hirelings of the Great ; Men whom the Villain only loves, the Worthy hate; Follow'd by Pimps, Bawds, Parafites and Whores, In crouds, approach'd Hell's adamantine doors. As 22 T H E D I A B O L I A ID. As they c;itne onward, McRCUiRYfbe gay * With lively greetings met them on the way ; He was -the briik Srr Clernfiit Cs.'/tvrJ/of dvj day. The * If the Orthodox Critic fhould here obferve, thai I have thrown a flight upon his Devil, by introducing fo great an Heathen as Mercury to his employment, he will dif- cover, when he lowers his eyes to this part of the page, that I have made the cfbfervation before him. But, if according to forae of the ancient Chriftian Fathers, his Satanic Male fly was fuppofed, for his own private ends, to concern himfelf with the Heathen Oracles, Sybils and Pythonefies, I may, furely, under their e- fpe&able authority, make him have occafional recourfe to another of the fame family, without the lead de- gradation. Eefules, I had not one of the Rabbinical "Writers within my reach, while 1 was writing this Poem, to give me the name of SATAK'S Gentleman tJfber: fo that, to fave myfelf trouble, which I at all times hate and deleft, I borrowed an ac- quaintance from the Grecian Poets. Again, if my Critic will but confider of whom the troop confifted which received fafe conduct from this winged guide, he muft efteem Mercury, who is, (Heathenly fpeaking) the prefiding Genius of rogues, fharpers, &c. as pro- perly introduced to be their conductor. And as an Orthodox Critic muft confider all fuch in the light of Heathens, my application to the Pagan Mythology will not appear fo mal apropos as he at fit ft imagined. THEDIABOLIAD. 43 The winged Cod thrice wav'd his magic wand! The maflive doors acknowledg'd his command ; And, to the Claimants wond'ring Eyes, difplay'd SATAN in all his gloomy pomp array'd. High, in his throne, on golden columns rear'd, The venerable King of Hell appear'd. In his fight Hand a weighty mace he bore. And on his brow a regal crown he wore ; Begirt around with fpiral flames, which (hcd A filver Uiftre o'er his aged head. Beneath the Throne, arrang'd in order, fat The long eflablifh'd Council of the State. In every hand the flaming torches wave, And caft their fplendor through th' imperial cave. High in the vault the fiery Dragons (hone, And Monfters, whofe dire mape was never knowi To mortal fantafy, when, Reafon flown, Fear fills the mind with fpe&res of her own. With flaky flames the diftant region glow'd, Whofe angry light, in all their horrors, (hew'd Thole J4 THEDIABOLIAD. Thofe fields of fire where guilty Spirits dwell, And in loud ceafelefs (hrieks their anguifh tell, Nor refpit know : Hope cannot enter there, To calm their forrows or to foothe dcfpair. With horrid clangor now the clarion founds ; Through the dark dome the j arring thunder bounds. Then rofe the King ; and all th' Infernal Croud With threefold reverence to their Monarch bow'd. Throughout the Court the expecting murmur ran, But foon was hufh'd ; when SATAN thus began. " Thoufands of years have pafs'd fince, firft, " I fell " Into the deep abyfs of flaming Hell ; " And many an age fince my Almighty Foe " Gave me dominion in thefe realms below. " Ambition's Slave, from Heaven I was huiTJ " Down to the depths of This Infernal World. " Tho' Heaven was loft, Ambition ftill poflefs'd " Its darling Empire in my haughty breaft. " My T II E D I A B O L I A D. 25 " My Tribes, with fruitlcfs expectation chear'd, " And Patriot zeal, this gloomy palace rear'd *' Here fix'd my throne, here fcrme.1 my " awful ftate, '* And to my will rcfigned their future fate. " But, cloy'd with power, my Ambition's o'er; ** The boafted charms of Empire are no more ! " Hear then my Children, hear your Sire de- " clare, " Of Hell's dominions He (hall be the Heir, " Whofc part life bore the moft obdurate crimes ; *' Who gave new vigour to degenerate times ; " Ealfe to his God, who every Law defy'd, *' Thief, Traytor, Hypocrite and Parricide ; " La him who claims thcfe Titles as his ow;^, " Come forward, prove his claim, and take " the crown." The Monarch ceas'd ! F # * * foremoft flood And wav'd his hand to hufli the murmuring croud. Then 26 T H E D I A B O L I A D. Then graceful bow'd around , but, ere he fpoke, SATAN ngam the awful filence broke : " Well-meaning Youth ! thy great and noble " aim ** Deferves remembrance in the rolls of Fame ! " But know, for to thyfelf 'tis yet unknown, " Thefe Characters of 111 thou canft not own. " Within the deep recedes of thy bread " The pregnant feeds of many a virtue reft. " Now baneful pafiions do their place fupply, " And check their progrefs to maturity. " The feverish ardor of difaftrous Game " Burns with a furious, unrelenting flame ; " And daily feeks to quench its parching thirft '* By deeds efteem'd the nobleft and the firft " In Hell's black Calendar. The foul defign " To make another's wealth, by treachery, thine; To THEDIABOL1AD. 77 ' To charm, with plea-fing arts, the artlefs Heir," " To call tViee friend, -then lay th' un- erring fnare, " Pocket his fleeting gold, and leave him " to defpair. " But I, who every diftant Age can Fee, " \Vhote keen look kens the vaft Futarity, * KlHpJeasMthy alter'd c1iaraa?er behold, ** No naore by hangry Appetkes control Pd ; ** From every hateful vice and paffion free, " I>ov'd by ttc Gods above and loft to Me ! * 4 Farewet ! Thy well-meant efforts will be " vain! '* Cherubs attend to bear theeback again!" In order due, VOLPONC next appeared ; Loolc was his hair, unihaven was his beard : O'er his whole face was fpread a yellow hue, BorrowM, perhaps, from fome relenting Je\v Not 28 T H E D I A B O L I A D. Not anxious to be paid. Gold he had none ; Th' inverted pocket told that all was gone. But ere he made his claim to Hell's rewards, His right hand wav'd aloft the fatal Cards. Then, fmiling, thushefpoke: " All-gracious " power ! " Who from my natal to the prefent hour, " Didft o'er my life, with foftering care, prcfide, " My Friend, my Guardian, and my faithful " Guide ! " How weak the Taflt my Actions to review ! " You know them all, dread Sir, they fprung " from You ! " And now, I truft, 'tis You alone fuggeft " The great, determined purpofe of my breaft, " To try my chance, at this important hour, " And Jlake my Soul againft your fov'reign " power " Who THEDIABOLIAD. 29 ' Who wins have both." " Thy foul's al- " ready mine," SATAN replied : " and I this day afllgn " Thy earthly duty. Hence, begone, to bait, " With mafliff zeal, a Minifter of State." ' Poor C difmifs'd, next comes a noble Peer, Grooms, Pimps, and Link-boys, give the triple cheer. His right hand bore a Horfe-(hoe and a Bit ; His left, a Book by Angehna writ ; To whofe fair pages anxious after fame, His Lordfhip ventur'd to prefix his name. A Wife complain'd that matrimonial dues "Were nightly wafted in the wanton ftews ; A Friend lamented how he was beguil'd, And mcurn'd a ruin'd and forfaken Child ; While 30 T H E D I A B O L I A D. While two attendant Parfcns boldly (Wore, They never wanted but he paid the Whore : Then loud proclaimed his knowledge in the wiles Of drabby Drury and of low St. Giles. E'en Saint-like GODBY blafts her eyes, and fwears, P s the moft abandon'd of his Peers *. Hi* This nohle perfon, verging to that time of life when he may fay of the Brothels, " I myfelf have no pleafure " in them," is fond of introducing Gentlemen of the Black Cloth and Character into thefe places, where he enjoys the contemplation of their pleafures, and pays for them. Mrs. Godby's piety fuffers very much upon thefe occafions, and can only be equalled by his L ***' refinement, \\hichisfouniverfally known, that I expeft every day to hear of its being fnug in a proverb. It is not impoffible that the fcene of the two M ly ts, Father and Son, may be adied over again, and again, when a certain young Nobleman returns from his tra- vels. GoJby's Koflurnals, p. 116. A*. B. Th THE DIABOLIAD. 31 His Vouchers done, with fimpcr on his cheek He filent flood ; for p** cannot fpeak ; When the fage Council, with one voice de- clare " Rough-riders would difgrace a regal Chair Without one Virtue that can grace a name; Without one Vice that e'er exalts to Fame ; The defpicable B** *** next appears, His boforn panting with its ufual fears : He fbives in vain, and fruitlefs proves the art, To hide, with vacant fmile, the treacherous heart. TIe N. B. The manufcript from which this lafl note is taken, will make its appearance in due time, and unfold fome tranfoclions which the world little thinks of. 32 T H F. D I A B O L I A D. The faithful HARRY * (lands not by his fide, His learned Counfel, and his conftant guide ; Who * This young Nobleman's character is, in every re- fpeft, a flriking contrail to his ; but the following Anecdote will give a very ftrong explanation of my idea concerning him. When Mr. C F propofed him tb be elected into one of the fafhi enable clubs, he was almott univerfally black-balled. Mr. F , who at that time had great intereft there, was much furprifed that his friend ftiould be thus rejected . But as he concluded, and not without reafon, that the univerfal difguft in which the family of his Friend was held had prevented his fuccefs, he propofed him again, with a declaration, on his honour, that Mr. C had not one quality in common with any of his family. The event juflified Mr. F 's penetration, on the fecond Ballot not a (ingle black-ball appeared againft his friend. This Anecdote has been afferted to me as fah But be that as it may, the principle of it is founded in truth, and ferves the purpofe of doing juftice to a mod amiable Cha- racter, whofe g r eat merit the Author of thefe pages, wh Cncerely loves him, is glad to atteft. T H E D I A B O L I A D. 33 Who for an hard earn'd, narrow competence, Supplies his tongue with words, his head with fcnfe f. At length, recovered from his huge affright, He, ftammering, reads the Speech he did not write : ' Curft with hereditary love of pelf, * I hate all human beings but myfelf; C " Crofs f- It is not uncommon for an avaricious Father to fad- die a younger Brother for a maintenance on the elder, efpecially if he has a place. And if the latter ftiould poflefs an hereditary bafenefs, he will carry on the fpi- Tit of conditionaJizing, and infift that the former (hall, in return, give him the ufe of his underftanding. It too often happens that elder brothers want fpirit and underflanding, and that younger ones who have both in an eminent degree, fland in need of a provifion. It is hard that Worth and Genius (hould be foGtuated I but this is among the fore evils under the Sun I 34 THEDIABOLIAD. " Crofs and perplex my wife, becaufe (he prov'd, " Poor girl '.not rich enough to be belov'd. " But all return my hate : where'er I go, " My coward eye beholds a ready foe. " And tho' to Earth's extremes my feet I " bend, " Thefe arms would ne'er embrace a real " friend. " When my breaft throbs with unrelenting " grief, " No friendly Spirits bring the kind relief. " If I fink down beneath opprefling pain, " Surrounding foes rejoice as I complain. " I'm fcoff'd by thofe, who from my hand " have prov'd " That kindnefs which would make another " lov'd; " Men, T II F. D I A B O L I A D. 35 '* Men, who to other Patrols bend iheir ' knee, " Are proud of their Ingratitude to me. " Thus, without Friends on earth, I humbly " fue " To find, my gracious Liege, a Friend in " you. " Hated by all, I'm fit to be allied ' To your Imperial State!" The King re- plied : " If vacant fmiles and hypocritic air " Could form pretcnfions to this fov'reign Chair; " If my pale Crown by meannejs could be " won, " Who'd have fo fair a claim as H *******'* " Son? C 2 ' But 3 6 THEDIABOLIAEX. " But Meannefs is a Vice which Devils dif- ' dain! " Should'ft thou attempt, bafe Mortal, here t h e crue ^ an j t h e p rou( j . And eager cried, " I boaft fuperior claim " To Hell's dark Throne, and i, " my name. " What, (hall that ftripling Lord contend " with me ? " I have four Sons as old and bad as he ! " Whate'cr he fwears, I'll fwear he fays, I'll " fay! " And look, All-gracious King, my fairs are " grey I" 4 3 T H E D I A B O L I A D. Th' aftonifti'd Demons on each other gaz'd, And SATAN'S felf fat filent and amaz'd ; Revolving, in his dubious mind, the flate And crimes of each afpiring Candidate ; When clanking chains, and doleful fhrieks were heard, If s. And injur'd * *7^fe-^Vs raving Ghoft ap- /' y pear'd : fl His bofom heav'd wMi many a torturing figh, And bloody dreams gufh'd forth from either eye. With * See the Letters of Junius, where that able Writer has obferved, with his ufual fpirit and good fenfe, upoa this guilty tranfadion. Junius felt for human nature, and would not fuffer his pen to trace all the particulars of it. To degrade the Criminal, they fhould be re- membered ; but for the fake of humanity, they had better be forgotten. THEDIABOLIAD. 49 With piteous look he did a Tale unfold, Black with fuch horrid deeds, that, being told, Hell's craggy vaults with acclamations ring, And joyful fhouts of-y^'1 *-** (hall FINIS. THE DIABO-LADY. THE D I A B O-L A D Y: O R, A MATCH IN HELL. A POEM. DEDICATED TO THE WORST WOMAN I N HER MAJESTY'S DOMINIONS. O Faireft of Creation, laft and befl Of all God's works, creature in whom excelled Whatever can to fight or thought be formed, Holy, divine, good, amiable, or fweet ! How art thou loft 1 MILTON. LONDON: Printed : And D w u i, i N Reprinted. 1777. DEDICATION T O T H E WORST WOMAN I N HER MAJESTY'S DOMINIONS. MADAM, or, MY LADY, I am happily but little ac- quainted with Ladies in high life, I confefs myfelf perfectly ignorant either of your rank or demerits; which DEDICATION. which has reduced me to the auk- ward neceffity of this vague and in- definite addrefs. The character above defcribed wiH, no doubt, be feverally and particularly applied, according to the World's guefs, knowledge, or malevolence; and a certain confcioufnefs in fome female breafts, may poflibly make them conclude themfelves to be the per- fons obliquely aimed at in this place ; but I hereby declare, that I ha& no fpecific Female in view when 1 fat down to write this Dedication; and (hall therefore refer my fair Readers to the known Adage of, .^V// capit^ ilk fecit j which, for their fakes, I ihall tranflate, by a fynoni- mous DEDICATION. mcrus Englifh Proverb, Whom the Cap fts, een let them wear it. The following Verfcs, be affured of it, Madam, are the firft Jifue- Italian Lines 1 ever compofed, in my life ; but being a fort of Knight- errant in my Nature, I confefs I felt myfelf confiderably piqued, for the honour of your fex, upon pe- rufing a Poem called The DIABO- LIAD, lately publifhed ; and not feeing any manner of reafon, why or wherefore Women have not as c;ood a right, where % equal merits appear, to be damned to everlaft- ing fame, as well as Men, I have thus boldly ventured to enter the lifts DEDICATION. lifts of Chivalry againft that par- tial Author, and meafure my lance with his, in the extenfive Campus Alartius of Satire. " Tremble, thou wretch ! " That haft within thee undi- " vulged crimes, u Unwhipt of juftice!" We neither of us pretend to ftile ourfelves Poets (I fpeak for my- felf, at leaft) ; fo that to carry on the allufion above made, we may be confidered rather as Squires, than Knights, in this fpecies of literature. But as Indignation is faid to in- fpirc DEDICATION. fpire Verfe, we have equally, and 1 think commendably too, expreffed our refentment againft the nume- rous vices and grofs immoralities of the times. The example of Superiors is a a matter of great moment to the inferior clafTes of mankind. The vices of the Great naturally de- fcend ; but thofe of the Vulgar fel- dom rife. People of rank muft floop to them, ere they receive the infection. The depravity of a fin- gle Peer or Peerefs, about St. James's, diffufcs more poifonous effects thro* the Town, than all the profligacy of St. Giles's. Poffibly, DEDICATION. Polfibly, the corrupt manners of the prefent age may not exceed thofe of former times ; but there is this peculiar diflinclion to be obferved between them, that, upon a comparifon, the purity, virtue and decorum, of our King and Queen form fo ftriking a Con- trail with the Corruption of man- ners among the generality of our Nobility, and other refpeclable ranks of life, in this kingdom, as may render the Modern Libertinifm and Indecencies of this Nation, more apparently remarkable, than thofe of our Predecefibrs. Charles and his Court were of a Piece George and his are of a quite dif- ferent Pattern. The DEDICATION'. The ftri&eft and moil compiv- henfive laws of Men, cannot be fo aptly framed as to apply a re- medy, or fcourge, to many of the crimes and enormities daily prac- tifed in the world. Satire, there- fore, is an ufeful Supplement to legiflation. When a Culprit ef- capes out of the hands of juitice, he fhould always be hanged in effigy. This refource, then, ia fome fort, ferves to fupply the Of- fice of CENSOR, which it was thought neceffary to efiablifh in the antient Common- wealth of Rome. The (harp pen of Aretin once CCS of made moft of the Sovereign Princes DEDICATION. of Europe his tributaries; and the keen Iambics of Archilochus and Hipponax, who, without vanity I may fay, were not better Poets than we, are faid to have driven the pcrfons who were the fub- jecls of them, to fuch acls of defperation, as to hang and drown themfelves. I fhould be forry to hear of fo tragical an effect being produced by the lines of my fpi- rited Compeer or me ; for though I bear hatred to vice, I harbour no malevolence, even to the vi- cious ; but if our ftriclures fhould conduce towards the reformation, the contrition, or repentance, of the feveral objects of our reproof, we may be faid to have perform- ed DEDICATION. ed fome fervice, at leaft, to the Common-wealth of Morals. Such as they are, you are mod heartily welcome to them ; and that you may receive the full benefit of their intention is the fincere wifh of, MADAM, or, My LADY, Your moft humble And obedient Servant, BELPHEGOR, ADVERTISEMENT. BY THE EDITORS. W HEN the following Poem was put into our hands, we thought it necelTary to write Notes on fome of the paflages, in order to render the Text more clear and intelligible ; for though the Author, in his Preface, takes the liberty of comparing himfelf to Juvenal, we are of opinion that he more refemblcs Perftus ; whofe writings are both more fevere, and obfcure. But in fome places, indeed, he has fpoken rather too plain ; which has in- duced us to leave out feveral of his lines, as may be fecn by the afteriflcs, in fome of the following pages. THE DIABO-LADY. POEM. THE DIABO-LADY. Nee tibi regnandi vcniat tarn dlra cupido ; Quamvis Elyfios mlretur Gracia compos, Nee repetitafequi curet Proferpina matrem. VIRG. Georg. I. * now fcated on the Infernal Throne, (a) Thought it not good the DEVIL fhould be alone ; And (a) See The Diaboliad, latt line. 70 THE PI ABO-LA DT. And fo refolved to marry, if a Wife, Fit Confort, could be found, to match his life. " Shall I, faid he, \vho ne'er obeyed a God, *' Obferve his precepts in my own abode ; " Reftrain my ab within the Chriftian fcope, " And whore in celibacy, like the POPE ? " What tho' I'm head of that Hierarchal " Scheme, " Which deems it fin in Prieft to quench their " flame " In Marriage rites ; yet Modern Records tell, " Tho' made in Heaven, they are confirmed in '* Hell. " Since fuch the prefent ftate of Wedlock, I, *' As Prieft and Devil, will the adventure try. " Beijdes the Pagan fyftem is my Creed, '* And in that antient ritual all may read, " That T H E D I A B O - L A D Y. 71 " That Pluto our great Prototype, had wed " A mortal female to his throne and bed." (b) He faid ; then fent his Imps thro' Earth to rove, And chufe a Paramour for SATAN'S love The ready Minifters of Hell's commands Obedient fly, and take their feveral (lands At COURT, CORNELY'S, and the COTERIE ; Where Vice, more vicious by effrontery, Fearlefs, unblufliing, braves the eternal laws Of (b) The Poet may poflfibly be reprehended here, by fome Critics or Divines, for the confufion of theology that may be objected to this pafljge. But as the good old proverb fays, that Example is better than precept, we (hall refer his defence, firft, to Arifio, or Taflb, I for- get which, for I am but a poor fcholar in the baflard Latin Authors, where the Heathen mythology ami the Chr .ftian fyftem are mixed together in the fame fcene ; and, next, to Ruben?, who in his Luxemburgh Gallery has made Hymen and St. Denis (\ think it is) jointly prefide at the rcarrwge of Henry IV. 72 THEDIABO-LADY. Of GOD and MAN, to aid the DEVIL'S caufe. From thefe reforts the Imps of SATAN chofe So hopeful a Seraglio, that 'twould pofe The DEVIL himfelf to judge the equal claims To Hell's Sultanalhip, between fuch Dames ; Who eager all to obtain Infernal fway, In order thus prefer their feveral plea. Firft * appeared, and to convi&ion fwore, Her fmalleft crime was that of being Whore ; Adultery (he added to her plan, Defying equally both GOD and Man ; In forgery and perjury owned fuch art, She palmed the Gold, while others paid the fmart : And left her juft pretences fhould be vain, The Adelphl P * * (c) vouch the tragic fccne. .*: SATAN M Sir T * * F * * too might have fufficiently fup- ported the fame evidence ; but, by his not being men- tioned in this caufe, 'tis to be fuppofed that his a vocations in 'Change- Alley had prevented his appearance yet in THE D I A B 0-L A D Y. 73 SAT AN- with pleafure heard the fhocking talc, But inward grieved fuch merits there fhculd fail ; " The Vice defeats itfelf," replied the DEVIL, ** That makes vcamples to deter from evil." Next * * forward came, as frail as fair, And urged her futt with confidential air : " Tho' nobly born," (he cried, "and high in life, " A fpotlefs Maiden, and an honoured Wife, " Yet fcorning thefe, I fpurned fuch humble " fame, And boldly facrificed a Matron's name : " My firft amour was with a Youth of Blood ; (J) '* But here I would not have it underftood, " That (ef) Left the equivocation of Titles might lead our readers to millake the perfon, we think it proper to ac- quaint them that this Galant was not the hero of C * * *, but the one who going to bed by bimfelf, was furpri/ed, when he awoke, At fading himfelfby bimfelf quiff alone. S.v- certain Love Letters upon record. 7 4 THEDIABO-LADY. " That 'twas Ambition made me aim fo high, " NO 'twas to aggrandize my infamy ; " I chofe, to (hew all fenfc of virtue loft, " A Swain who nought but pedigree could " boaft : " Afk treach'rous D * *, if you doubt my " word, " Who firft abetted, then approved (e) me '* whored, " And flampt the ihame flie (/) had herfelf " procured. " A firft amour is fcldom found the laft, " From hand to hand thro' low intrigues I paft ; Till (S) One of the fenfes of this verb is, in a legal fenfe, to accufe, to inform again fl, cr ccnvifl -, fiom whence the Noun Apfrti-er. This note had been unneceflary, if Lexiphanes among the other neglects in his pompous Didlionary, had not left this article imperfect. (/) A certain Lidy of qualify who was a confidant in the amour, and afterwards proved the Crim. Con. in Court. T H K D I A B O - L A D Y. 75 " Til! fatiating the public eye, lefs rare, *' I ccafed at length to be the public care, (g ) " Yet being refolved thro' all mankind to rove, " I, when negle&ed, proffered love for love ; (A) " And tho* an Earl's Coronet I dill pofleft, " Corona Vtnerls (/) was my favourite Creft." She paufed ; when SATAN, with decifion nice, Deemed thcfe but petty -larcenies in vice ; She pilfered from herfelf, flie injured none, And therefore was unfit to grace his throne. " Thy () Publica cura an expreffion madeufc of l.y Horace, foraCourtefan, L. II. Od. 8. (b) Tliis was apparently the cafe at a late Mafquc- rade. (/') This is not the Myrtle Wreath With which the Venus Arnica crowns her Votaries, but a certain Front- let, with which her Baftard Sifler, the Vemu Mtretrix, is ufcd to fligrnatize her Devotees. 76 THE PI A BO-LADY. " Thy deeds have been fo very mean, he cried, " They but prefer you to be * * 's bride : (k) " Befides, to credit your firft Shame we'reloath, " As being acquitted on a Bible-Oat h" (1} The next that rofe was wanton * * *, With front aflured, and drclled en Cavalier : A ** (m) led her forth, Jack H*** (n) followed, \Vhile Grooms and Jockeys in full chorus hal- looed. The tale fhe told 'twere needlefs to repeat, 'Twas MefJTalina's hiftory compleat ; She (*) SeeTheDiaboliad,page 31, ad paragraph. (/) The Story is upon record, and therefore requires no note. (m) A foreign Count with whom fhe had her firft public amour. () A poftilion with whom (he had her fecond. THE D I A B O-L A D Y. 77 She loved to ride, and to be ridden too, And came prepared to give the Devil hit due. Old (o) trembled at fuch vigorous boaft, And quick difmiffed her from the Stygian coaft. To *'s Cafe in point, (p) he thus alludes, " Rough Riders, male or female, HELL ex- " eludes." Then with a high and all-commanding air, Slowly advancing, * * *, once fair, Appeared in Uiflant view. The Cyprian Dame, Efcorted by her MARS, (y) afpired to claim The (o) S;e the Diaboliad, laft pnge, and laft line. (/) See. the Diaboliad, p. 31, firft paragraph. ' (?) We confefs ourfelvcs to be in doubt whether the Poet alludes to general C*, or to the Secretary at War, in this paffage. 78 THEDIABO-LADY. The vacant Crown ; but haply on her way, Perceiving in a nock fome Imps at play, She turned afide, to learn fome fleight of hand, To cut, or fhuffle, and the game command ; Some new device, fome yet-unpracfifed cheat, To cozen, pilfer, and the Rook compleat. *********** ********** This gave advantage to a rival Quean To take her place, and prior audience gain. * now preffed before, and claimed defert, For having broke a too fond hufband's heart ; Yet to the joys of marriage-rites dill true, Ere one was dead, fhe had engaged with two: The firft fhe jilted, being thought too tame, Preferred the Bully of her ticklifh fame, And THEDIABO-LADY. 79 And like ghu'teria in Cervantes' Talc, The bleeding B'ifil wed, Camacho ( r ) left to rail : ********** *#*****#*** But timorous * *, in a fore affright, Hearing the defperate prowefs of her Knlg'it, Replied, " I dare not to this match agree, " Who fights my Priefts, (/) would play the " De-oil with me." Then (r) And his railing has had good effe&, we hear, as the Don has got ten thoufand pieces, and a good riddance into the bargain, for a releafe of contrail. This is the fecond Suitor this Heroine bought off. The f.rft was one to whom ftie had been affianced by her father's will, and \\hopioufly attending to the advice of Solomon, Leave off Gcntenficn befcre it be meddled I'-'itk, remitted his claim upon that Condition. ( t ) This alludes to a late extraordinary Duel ; but we 8o THE D I A B O-L A D Y. Then next moved forward, waddling on her flumps, A weight to put poor Atlas to his trumps ; A Dame that late had puzzled heraldry To fay what Alias it mould ftile her by ; Who, had (he been but born in days of yore, Would have given Hercules one labour more ; For fure no mortal Might for her was able, But his who cleanfed the foul Augean Stable. By we cannot fee why the Poet has taken the liberty of putting the Noun into the Plural Number here; for Ihe Member of the Church Militant in that martial flrife, is but one; and we cannot fuppofe our Author meant to compliment him with the name of Legion Nor is that Reverend Perfon yet in poffeflion of Plu- ralities, either. In our Second Edition perhaps we may be able to explain this matter further. THE DIABO-LADY. 81 By Nature wanton, falfe, and prone to ill, Beauty (he had, and wicked wit at will ; Confident ftill in Vice, from firft to laft, Thro fcencs of many-coloured (t) life fhe part. Not brooking long in amorous flames to burn, She whored or wedded, as it ferved her turn ; She married and unmarried as fhe pleafed, While Lords (u) and Doctors Commons flood amaz'd I But now grown wifer, (he refolv'd to fix Her feat of empire on the banks of Styx ; F But (/) An Epithet of Do&or Johnfon's, in his Pro- logue to the opening of Drury-Lane Theatre. ( ) The Houfe of Lords. 82 THEDIABO-LADY. But firft enquired, " Are any here who knew " A Devil on Earth, whom Men call Lt Boiteux? (x) tf For vengeance on him, even to Helfs- ** gates (y) I come; " And know, my Liege, I'm juft arrived " from Rome: (z) " On (x) Our Ariftophanes, or Devil upon Tiuo Sticks, with whom this Lady held a fort of Mountebank Cor- refpondence, upon the occafion of a Piece of his then coming out, in which fome part of her private hiftory of public notoriety, was to be exhibited on the ftage. (_y) The Author, we fuppofe, meant here to allude to one of her Letters upon the above occafion ; but he is miftaken in the paflage; the Lady did not promife to carry her complaifance fo far. As well as we can recolledt, ftie only mentioned that fhe would attend him to Tyburn, and then leave him to (hift for himfelf, and go to the Devil bis own ivajr. ( 2 ) She had lately a villa near that City, and lived in gteat intimacy with the Pope. THE D I A B 0-L A D Y. 83 " On earth he made my Hell ; and have " not I, " As Satan's Queen, (a] a right to make " him fry ? " What mufic to my ears, to hear him *' And make his Trip to Calais, (b) one to " Hell! " Above he 'fcaped my utmoft fpite and " power, *' Grant me revenge, I afk no other Dower ! Fa " And (a) This expreffion was rather premature She was bat prefumptive Confort. But, perhaps, fhe thought flic might do in -Hell as (he had done on Earth, and marry whom flie pleafed, right or wrong. ( b ) .This Piece was afterwards reprefented ; but whether through fear, favour, or fee, was fo garbled, as foon to fink into oblivion. 84 THEDIABO-LADY. " And reft my Suit for juftice, on this " hope, *' That I am recommended by the Pope." (r) Who faw and heard her pleading, muft con- fefs, Sh' had Faljiaj^s flefti, and wit, and wicked- nefs ; Tho' fome there were who thought her wanton | plight Refembled more Doll Tear -Sheet, than the .Knight, Yet (c) Thefe two Potentates have ever been in flrift confederacy together; and his infallible Holinefs has fent more fouls to SATAN'S empire, by his pardons, absolutions and indulgences, than ever were difpatched thither from the Scaffold or the Gallows. THEDIABO-LADY. 85 Yet SATAN cried, " Thy claim I mud deny, " For want of one Vice more, HypocrU " fy ; (*) " Your barefaced Sinners are not worth my " notice, " Demure pretending jSaints, koc ejl in vo- tit. (f) ' Then () ************ *********** " Of favours profligate and nothing nice, " In many another mean ignoble vice ; " I gamboled, (/>) This is an old Story ; and we confefs that we agree in the fame Charity with the good old Woman, who, hearing of the Pajfion, one Sunday at Church, faid, that, as it ivasfo long ago,Jbe hoped in the Lord that it r was not true. THEDIABO-LADY, 95 " I gamboled, and I gambled deep at play, " And raifcd finances in lefs legal way ; " I fweated gold, ( q ) and praSifed every " cheat, " Which, known to thee, I need not here " repeat. " My deeds with thine compared, in every art, " Prove me in all thy worthy counterpart: " In fine, to crown my merits, you mall find " I'm the reverfe of her you left behind : " Nay more, to fhew me fit to fhare thy " fway, " Behold, my Liege, my locks, like thine, arc grey, (r) Father (q) Another obfolete Story, (r) See the Diaboliad,,page 47. $6 THE DIABO- LADY. ' Father of Lies ! accept my proffered hand, ' What richer portion canft thou now de- " mand ; " For e'en to all the Ruflias mou'dft thou- " rove, " I equal CATHERINE, both in hate and " love ; " And were SEMIRAMIS herfelf alive, " With her in deeds of darknefs I dare ftrive." The liftening Imps with wonder flood amazed, And at each period fubtler fulphur blazed ; While at a diftance, on the Elyfian Plains, V7here even the Bleft re-aft their former fcenes Of mortal life, was feen in geflure wild, A mwrnful Mother "weeping