THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
BY THE SAME AUTHOR. 
 
 MR. WITT'S WIDOW. 
 
 THE PRISONER OF ZENDA. 
 
 HALF-A-HERO, 
 
 A CHANGE OF AIR. 
 
 FATHER STAFFORD. 
 
THE 
 
 DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 PR 
 
 BY 
 
 ANTHONY HOPE.. 
 
 Reprinted from the WESTMINSTER GAZETTE. 
 
 These are foolish things to all the wise 
 And I love wisdom more than she loves me. 
 
 LONDON : 
 
 "WESTMINSTER GAZETTE," TUDOR STREET, E.C 
 1896. 
 
 [All rights reserved.] 
 
Printed by Hazell, Watson, & Viney, Ld., London and Aylesbury. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 A LIBERAL EDUCATION I 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 CORDIAL RELATIONS 7 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 RETRIBUTION 14 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 THE PERVERSENESS OF IT 21 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 A MATTER OF DUTY 28 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 MY LAST CHANCE . . . . . -35 
 
vi CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 THE LITTLE WRETCH! 42 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 AN EXPENSIVE PRIVILEGE 50 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 A VERY DULL AFFAIR 57 
 
 CHAPPER X. 
 STRANGE, BUT TRUE 65 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 THE VERY LATEST THING 73 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 AN UNCOUNTED HOUR 80 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 A REMINISCENCE T . -87 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 A FINE DAY ....... 94 
 
CONTENTS. vii 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 PAGE 
 
 THE HOUSE OPPOSITE , IOI 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 A QUICK CHANGE 108 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 A SLIGHT MISTAKE 115 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 THE OTHER LADY 122 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN 1 29 
 
 CHAPTER XX 
 ONE WAY IN . .... 137 
 
THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 A LIBERAL EDUCATION. 
 
 ingratitude for you!' Miss Dolly 
 
 J_ Foster exclaimed suddenly. 
 
 ' Where ? ' I asked, rousing myself from medi- 
 tation. 
 
 She pointed at a young man who had just 
 passed where we sat. He was dressed very 
 smartly, and was walking with a lady attired in 
 the height of fashion. 
 
 ' I made that man,' said Dolly, ' and now he 
 cuts me dead before the whole of the Row ! It's 
 atrocious ! Why, but for me, do you suppose 
 he'd be at this moment engaged to three thou- 
 sand a year and and the plainest girl in Lon- 
 don ?' 
 
 ' Not that,' I pleaded ; ' think of - ' 
 
 ' Well, very plain, anyhow. I was quite ready 
 to bow to him. I almost did.' 
 
 ' In fact you did ? ' 
 
 I 
 
2 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' I didn't. I declare I didn't.' 
 
 ' Oh, well, you didn't then. It only looked 
 like it.' 
 
 ' I met him,' said Miss Dolly, ' three years ago. 
 At that time he was oh, quite unpresentable. 
 He was everything he shouldn't be. He was a 
 teetotaler, you know, and he didn't smoke, and 
 he was always going to concerts. Oh, and he 
 wore his hair long, and his trousers short, and his 
 hat on the back of his head. And his um- 
 brella ' 
 
 1 Where did he wear that ? ' 
 
 ' He carried that, Mr. Carter. Don't be silly ! 
 Carried it unrolled, you know, and generally a 
 paper parcel in the other hand ; and he had 
 spectacles too.' 
 
 ' He has certainly changed outwardly at least.' 
 
 ' Yes, I know ; well, I did that. I took him 
 in hand, and I just taught him, and now ! ' 
 
 'Yes, I know that. But how did you teach 
 him ? Give him Saturday evening lectures, or 
 what ? ' 
 
 ' Oh, every-evening lectures, and most-morn- 
 ing walks. And I taught him to dance, and I 
 broke his wretched fiddle with my own hands ! ' 
 
 1 What very arbitrary distinctions you draw.' 
 
 ' I don't know what you mean. I do like a 
 man to be smart, anyhow. Don't you, Mr. 
 Carter ? You're not so smart as you might be. 
 Now, shall I take you in hand ? ' And she 
 smiled upon me. 
 
 ' Let's hear your method. What did you do 
 to him ? ' 
 
A LIBERAL EDUCATION. 3 
 
 ' To Phil Meadows ? Oh, nothing. I just 
 slipped in a remark here and there, whenever he 
 talked nonsense. I used to speak just at the 
 right time, you know.' 
 
 ' But how had your words such influence, Miss 
 Foster ? ' 
 
 ' Oh, well, you know, Mr. Carter, I made it a 
 condition that he should do just what I wanted in 
 little things like that. Did he think I was going 
 to walk about with a man carrying a brown- 
 paper parcel as if he had been to the shop for 
 a pound of tea ? ' 
 
 ' Still, I don't see why he should alter all 
 his ' 
 
 ' Oh, you are stupid ! Of course, he liked me, 
 you know.' 
 
 ' Oh, did he ? I see.' 
 
 ' You seem to think that very funny.' 
 
 ' Not that he did but that, apparently, he 
 doesn't.' 
 
 'Well, you got out of that rather neatly for 
 you. No, he doesn't now. You see, he mis- 
 understood my motive. He thought well, I do 
 believe he thought I cared for him, you know. 
 Of course I didn't.' 
 
 ' Not a bit ? ' 
 
 ' Just as a friend and a pupil, you know. 
 And when he'd had his hair cut and bought a 
 frock-coat (fancy ! he'd never had one !), he 
 looked quite nice. He has nice eyes. Did you 
 notice them ? ' 
 
 ' Lord, no ! ' 
 
 ' Well, you're so unobservant.' 
 
THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 'Oh, not always. I've observed that 
 
 your 
 
 ' Please don't ! It's no use, is it ? ' 
 
 I looked very unhappy. There is an under- 
 standing that I am very unhappy since Miss 
 Foster's engagement to the Earl of Mickleham 
 was announced. 
 
 ' What was I saying before before you you 
 know oh, about Phil Meadows, of course. I 
 did like him very much, you know, or I 
 shouldn't have taken all that trouble. Why, 
 his own mother thanked me ! ' 
 
 ' I have no more to say,' said I. 
 
 ' But she wrote me a horrid letter afterwards.' 
 
 ' You're so very elliptical.' 
 
 ' So very what, Mr. Carter ? ' 
 
 ' You leave so much out, I mean. After 
 what ? ' 
 
 ' Why, after I sent him away. Didn't I tell 
 you ? Oh, we had the most awful scene. He 
 raved, Mr. Carter. He called me the most 
 horrid names, and ' 
 
 1 Tore his hair ? ' 
 
 ' It wasn't long enough to get hold of,' she 
 tittered. ' But don't laugh. It was really 
 dreadful. And so unjust ! And then, next 
 day, when I thought it was comfortably over, 
 you know, he came back, and and apologised, 
 and called himself the most awful names, and 
 well, that was really worse.' 
 
 ' What did the fellow complain of ? ' I asked 
 in wondering tones. 
 
 ' Oh, he said I'd destroyed his faith in women, 
 
A LIBERAL EDUCATION. 5 
 
 you know, and that I'd led him on, and that I 
 was well, he was very rude indeed. And he 
 went on writing me letters like that for a whole 
 year ! It made me quite uncomfortable.' 
 
 ' But he didn't go back to short trousers and 
 a fiddle, did he ? ' I asked anxiously. 
 
 ' Oh, no. But he forgot all he owed me, and 
 he told me that his heart was dead, and that 
 he should never love any one again.' 
 
 ' But he's going to marry that girl.' 
 
 ' Oh, he doesn't care about her,' said Miss 
 Dolly reassuringly. ' It's the money, you know. 
 He hadn't a farthing of his own. Now he'll be 
 set up for life.' 
 
 ' And it's all due to you ! ' said I admiringly. 
 
 ' Well, it is really.' 
 
 ' I don't call her such a bad-looking girl 
 though.' (I hadn't seen her face). 
 
 ' Mr. Carter ! She's hideous ! ' 
 
 I dropped that subject. 
 
 'And now,' said Miss Dolly again, 'he cuts 
 me dead ! ' 
 
 ' It is the height of ingratitude. Why, to love 
 you was a liberal education ! ' 
 
 ' Yes, wasn't it ? How nicely you put that. 
 " A liberal education ! " I shall tell Archie ' 
 (Archie is Lord Mickleham). 
 
 ' What, about Phil Meadows ? ' 
 
 ' Goodness me, no, Mr. Carter. Just what 
 you said, you know.' 
 
 'But why not tell Mickleham about Phil 
 Meadows ? ' I urged. ' It's all to your credit, 
 you know.' 
 
6 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' Yes, I know, but men are so foolish. You 
 see, Archie thinks ' 
 
 ' Of course he does.' 
 
 'You might let me finish.' 
 
 ' Archie thinks you were never in love 
 before.' 
 
 'Yes, he does. Well, of course, I wasn't in 
 love with Phil ' 
 
 ' Not a little bit ? ' 
 
 ' Oh, well ' 
 
 ' Nor with any one else ? ' 
 
 Miss Dolly prodded the path with her 
 parasol. 
 
 ' Nor with any one else ? ' I asked again. 
 
 Miss Dolly looked for an instant in my 
 direction. 
 
 ' Nor with any one else ? ' said I. 
 
 Miss Dolly looked straight in front of her. 
 
 ' Nor with ' I began. 
 
 ' Hullo, old chappie, where did you spring 
 from ? ' 
 
 ' Why, Archie ! ' cried Miss Dolly. 
 
 ' Oh, how are you, Mickleham, old man ? 
 Take this seat ; I'm just off just off. Yes, I 
 was, upon my honour got to meet a man at 
 the club. Good-bye, Miss Foster. Jove ! I'm 
 late ! ' 
 
 And as I went I heard Miss Dolly say, ' I 
 thought you were never coming, Archie dear ! ' 
 Well, she didn't think he was coming just then. 
 No more did I. 
 
II. 
 
 CORDIAL RELATIONS. 
 
 other day I paid a call on Miss Dolly 
 _L Foster for the purpose of presenting to her 
 my small offering on the occasion of her 
 marriage to Lord Mickleham. It was a pretty 
 little bit of jewellery a pearl heart, broken 
 (rubies played the part of blood) and held 
 together by a gold pin, set with diamonds, the 
 whole surmounted by an earl's coronet. I had 
 taken some trouble about it, and I was grateful 
 when Miss Dolly asked me to explain the 
 symbolism. 
 
 ' It is my heart,' I observed. ' The fracture 
 is of your making : the pin ' 
 
 Here Miss Dolly interrupted : to tell the 
 truth I was not sorry, for I was fairly gravelled 
 for the meaning of the pin. 
 
 ' What nonsense, Mr. Carter ! ' said she ; ' but 
 it's awfully pretty. Thanks, so very, very much. 
 Aren't relations funny people ? ' 
 
 ' If you wish to change the subject, pray do,' 
 said I. ' I'll change anything except my 
 affections.' 
 
 ' Look here,' she pursued, holding out a bundle 
 
8 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 of letters. ' Here are the congratulatory epistles 
 from relations. Shall I read you a few ? ' 
 
 ' It will be a most agreeable mode of passing 
 the time,' said I. 
 
 ' This is from Aunt Georgiana she's a 
 widow lives at Cheltenham. " My dearest 
 Dorothea " ' 
 
 'Who?' 
 
 ' Dorothea's my name, Mr. Carter. It means 
 the gift of heaven, you know.' 
 
 ' Precisely. Pray proceed, Miss Dolly. I 
 did not at first recognise you.' 
 
 ' " My dearest Dorothea, I have heard the 
 news of your engagement to Lord Mickleham 
 with deep thankfulness. To obtain the love 
 of an honest man is a great prize. I hope 
 you will prove worthy of it. Marriage is a 
 trial and an opportunity " ' 
 
 ' Hear, hear ! ' said I. ' A trial for the hus- 
 band and ' 
 
 ' Be quiet, Mr. Carter. " A trial and an 
 opportunity. It searches the heart and it 
 
 affords a sphere of usefulness which " So 
 
 she goes on, you know. I don't see why I 
 need be lectured just because I'm going to be 
 married, do you, Mr. Carter?' 
 
 ' Let's try another,' said I. ' Whose is that on 
 pink paper ? ' 
 
 1 Oh, that's Georgy Vane's. She's awful fun. 
 " Dear old Dolly, So you've brought it off. 
 Hearty congrats. I thought you were going 
 
 to be silly and throw away " There's 
 
 nothing else there, Mr. Carter. Look here. 
 
CORDIAL RELATIONS. 9 
 
 Listen to this. It's from Uncle William. He's 
 a clergyman, you know. " My dear Niece, I 
 have heard with great gratification of your en- 
 gagement. Your aunt and I unite in all good 
 wishes. I recollect Lord Mickleham's father 
 when I held a curacy near Worcester. He was 
 a regular attendant at church and a supporter 
 of all good works in the diocese. If only his 
 son takes after him " (fancy Archie !) " you have 
 secured a prize. I hope you have a proper 
 sense of the responsibilities you are undertaking. 
 Marriage affords no small opportunities ; it also 
 entails certain trials " ' 
 
 ' Why, you're reading Aunt Georgiana again.' 
 
 ' Am I ? No, it's Uncle William.' 
 
 ' Then let's try a fresh cast unless you'll 
 finish Georgy Vane's.' 
 
 'Well, here's Cousin Susan's. She's an old 
 maid, you know. It's very long. Here's a 
 bit : " Woman has it in her power to exercise 
 a sacred influence. I have not the pleasure of 
 knowing Lord Mickleham, but I hope, my dear, 
 that you will use your power over him for good. 
 It is useless for me to deny that when you 
 stayed with me I thought you were addicted 
 to frivolity. Doubtless marriage will sober you. 
 Try to make a good use of its lessons. I am 
 sending you a biscuit tin " and so on.' 
 
 ' A very proper letter,' said I. 
 
 Miss Dolly indulged in a slight grimace and 
 took up another letter. 
 
 ' This,' she said, ' is from my sister-in-law, 
 Mrs. Algernon Foster.' 
 
io THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' A daughter of Lord Doldrums, wasn't she ? ' 
 
 'Yes. "My dear Dorothea, I have heard 
 your news. I do hope it will turn out happily. 
 I believe that any woman who conscientiously 
 does her duty can find happiness in married 
 life. Her husband and children occupy all her 
 time and and all her thoughts, and if she can 
 look for few of the lighter pleasures of life she 
 has at least the knowledge that she is of use in 
 the world. Please accept the accompanying 
 
 volumes" (it's Browning) " as a small " I say, 
 
 Mr. Carter, do you think it's really like that ? ' 
 
 ' There is still time to draw back,' I observed. 
 
 ' Oh, don't be silly. Here, this is my brother 
 Tom's. "Dear Dol, I thought Mickleham 
 rather an ass when I met him, but I daresay 
 you know best. What's his place like? Does 
 he take a moor ? I thought I read that he kept 
 a yacht. Does he ? Give him my love and a 
 kiss. Good luck, old girl. Tom. P.S. I'm 
 glad it's not me, you know." 
 
 ' A disgusting letter,' I observed. 
 
 ' Not at all,' said Miss Dolly, dimpling. ' It's 
 just like dear old Tom. Listen to grandpapa's. 
 " My dear Granddaughter, The alliance " (I 
 rather like it's being called an alliance, Mr. 
 Carter. It sounds like the Royal Family, 
 doesn't it ?) " you are about to contract is in 
 all respects a suitable one. I send you my 
 blessing, and a small cheque to help towards 
 your trousseau. Yours affectionately, Jno. Wm. 
 Foster." ' 
 
 1 That,' said I, ' is the best up to now.' 
 
CORDIAL RELATIONS. n 
 
 ' Yes, it's 500,' said she, smiling. ' Here's 
 old Lady M.V 
 
 ' Whose ? ' I exclaimed. 
 
 ' Archie's mother's, you know. " My dear 
 Dorothea (as I suppose I must call you now), 
 Archibald has informed us of his engagement, 
 and I and the girls " (there are five girls, Mr. 
 Carter) " hasten to welcome his bride. I am 
 sure Archie will make his wife very happy. 
 He is rather particular (like his dear father), 
 but he has a good heart, and is not fidgety 
 about his meals. Of course we shall be delighted 
 to move out of The Towers at once. I hope 
 we shall see a great deal of you soon. Archie 
 is full of your praises, and we thoroughly trust 
 
 his taste. Archie " It's all about Archie, 
 
 you see.' 
 
 ' Naturally,' said I. 
 
 'Well, I don't know. I suppose I count a 
 little, too. Oh, look here. Here's Cousin Fred's 
 but he's always so silly. I sha'n't read you 
 his.' 
 
 ' Oh, just a bit of it,' I pleaded. 
 
 ' Well, here's one bit. " I suppose I can't 
 murder him, so I must wish him joy. All I can 
 say is, Dolly, that he's the luckiest " (something 
 I can't read either fellow or devil) " I ever 
 heard of. I wonder if you've forgotten that 
 evening " ' 
 
 ' Well, go on.' For she stopped. 
 
 ' Oh, there's nothing else.' 
 
 ' In fact, you have forgotten the evening ? ' 
 
 ' Entirely,' said Miss Dolly, tossing her head. 
 
12 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' But he sends me a love of a bracelet. He can't 
 possibly pay for it, poor boy.' 
 
 ' Young knave ! ' said I severely. (I had paid 
 for my pearl heart.) 
 
 ' Then come a lot from girls. Oh there's one 
 from Maud Tottenham she's a second cousin, 
 you know it's rather amusing. " I used to 
 know your fianct slightly. He seemed very 
 nice, but it's a long while ago, and I never saw 
 much of him. I hope he is really fond of you, 
 and that it is not a mere fancy. Since you love 
 him so much, it would be a pity if he did not 
 care deeply for you." ' 
 
 ' Interpret, Miss Dolly,' said I. 
 
 ' She tried to catch him herself,' said Miss 
 Dolly. 
 
 ' Ah, I see. Is that all ? ' 
 
 ' The others aren't very interesting.' 
 
 ' Then let's finish Georgy Vane's.' 
 
 ' Really ? ' she asked, smiling. 
 
 ' Yes. Really.' 
 
 ' Oh, if you don't mind, I don't,' said she, 
 laughing, and she hunted out the pink note and 
 spread it before her. ' Let me see. Where was 
 I ? Oh, here. " I thought you were going to 
 be silly and throw away your chances on some 
 of the men who used to flirt with you. Archie 
 Mickleham may not be a genius, but he's a good 
 fellow and a swell and rich ; he's not a pauper 
 like Phil Meadows, or a snob, like Charlie 
 
 Dawson or " Shall I go on, Mr. Carter? 
 
 No, I won't I didn't see what it was.' 
 
 ' Yes, you shall go on.' 
 
CORDIAL RELATIONS. 13 
 
 ' Oh, no, I can't,' and she folded up the letter. 
 
 ' Then I will,' and I'm ashamed to say I 
 snatched the letter. Miss Dolly jumped to her 
 feet. I fled behind the table. She ran round. 
 I dodged. 
 
 ' " Or " ' I began to read. 
 
 ' Stop ! ' cried she. 
 
 ' " Or a young spendthrift like that man I 
 forget his name whom you used to go on with 
 at such a pace at Monte Carlo last winter." ' 
 
 ' Stop ! ' she cried, stamping her foot. I read 
 on : 
 
 ' " No doubt he was charming, my dear, and 
 no doubt anybody would have thought you 
 meant it ; but 1 never doubted you. Still, 
 weren't you just a little " 
 
 ' Stop ! ' she cried. ' You must stop, Mr. 
 Carter.' 
 
 So then I stopped. I folded the letter and 
 handed it back to her. Her cheeks flushed red 
 as she took it. 
 
 ' I thought you were a gentleman,' said she, 
 biting her lip. 
 
 ' I was at Monte Carlo last winter myself,' 
 said I. 
 
 ' Lord Mickleham,' said the butler, throwing 
 open the door. 
 
III. 
 
 RETRIBUTION. 
 
 IN future I am going to be careful what I do. 
 I am also and this is by no means less im- 
 portant going to be very careful what Miss 
 Dolly Foster does. Everybody knows (if I may 
 quote her particular friend Nellie Phaeton) that 
 dear Dolly means no harm, but she is 'just a 
 little harumscarum.' I thanked Miss Phaeton for 
 the expression. 
 
 The fact is that 'old Lady M.' (here I quote 
 Miss Dolly) sent for me the other day. I have 
 not the honour of knowing the Countess, and I 
 went in some trepidation. When I was ushered 
 in, Lady Mickleham put up her ' starers.' (You 
 know those abominations ! Pince-nez with long 
 torture I mean tortoise shell handles.) 
 
 ' Mr. er Carter ? ' said she. 
 
 I bowed. I would have denied it if I could. 
 
 ' My dears ! ' said Lady Mickleham. 
 
 Upon this five young ladies who had been 
 sitting in five straight-backed chairs, doing five 
 pieces of embroidery, rose, bowed, and filed out 
 of the room. I felt very nervous. A pause 
 
 '4 
 
RETRIBUTION. 15 
 
 followed. Then the Countess observed and it 
 seemed at first rather irrelevant 
 
 ' I've been reading an unpleasant story.' 
 
 ' In these days of French influence,' I began 
 apologetically (not that I write such stories, or 
 indeed any stories, but Lady Mickleham invites 
 an apologetic attitude), and my eye wandered to 
 the table. I saw nothing worse (or better) than 
 the morning paper there. 
 
 ' Contained in a friend's letter,' she continued, 
 focussing the ' starers ' full on my face. 
 
 I did not know what to do, so I bowed again. 
 
 ' It must have been as painful for her to write 
 as for me to read/ Lady Mickleham went on. 
 ' And that is saying much. Be seated, pray.' 
 
 I bowed, and sat down in one of the straight- 
 backed chairs. I also began, in my fright, to 
 play with one of the pieces of embroidery. 
 
 ' Is Lady Jane's work in your way?' (Lady 
 Jane is named after Jane, the famous Countess, 
 Lady-in-Waiting to Caroline of Anspach.) 
 
 I dropped the embroidery, and put my foot 
 on my hat. 
 
 ' I believe, Mr. Carter, that you are acquainted 
 with Miss Dorothea Foster ? ' 
 
 ' I have that pleasure,' said I. 
 
 ' Who is about to be married to my son, the 
 Earl of Mickleham ? ' 
 
 ' That, I believe, is so,' said I. I was beginning 
 to pull myself together. 
 
 ' My son, Mr. Carter, is of a simple and 
 trusting disposition. Perhaps I had better come 
 to the point. I am informed by this letter that, 
 
16 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 in conversation with the writer the other day, 
 Archibald mentioned, quite incidentally, some 
 very startling facts. Those concern you, Mr. 
 Carter.' 
 
 ' May I ask the name of the writer ? ' 
 
 ' I do not think that is necessary,' said she. 
 ' She is a lady in whom I have the utmost 
 confidence.' 
 
 ' That is, of course, enough,' said I. 
 
 ' It appears, Mr. Carter, and you will excuse 
 me if I speak plainly' (I set my teeth) ' that you 
 have, in the first place, given to my son's bride 
 a wedding present, which I can only describe 
 as ' 
 
 ' A pearl ornament,' I interposed ; ' with a ruby 
 or two, and ' 
 
 1 A pearl heart,' she corrected ; ' er fractured, 
 and that you explained that this absurd article 
 represented your heart.' 
 
 ' Mere badinage] said I. 
 
 ' In execrably bad taste,' said she. 
 
 I bowed. 
 
 ' In fact, most offensive. But that is not the 
 worst. From my son's further statements it 
 appears that on one occasion, at least, he found 
 you and Miss Foster engaged in what I can 
 only call ' 
 
 I raised my hand in protest The Countess 
 took no notice. 
 
 ' What I can only call romping! 
 
 She shot this word at me with extraordinary 
 violence, and when it was out she shuddered. 
 
 ' Romping ! ' I cried. 
 
RETRIBUTION. 17 
 
 ' A thing not only atrociously vulgar at all 
 times, but under the circumstances need I 
 say more ? Mr. Carter, you were engaged in 
 chasing my son's future bride round a table ! ' 
 
 ' Pardon me, Lady Mickleham. Your son's 
 future bride was engaged in chasing me round 
 a table.' 
 
 ' It is the same thing,' said Lady Mickleham. 
 
 ' I should have thought there was a distinc- 
 tion,' said I. 
 
 ' None at all.' 
 
 I fell back on a second line of defence. 
 
 ' I didn't let her catch me, Lady Mickleham,' 
 I pleaded. 
 
 Lady Mickleham grew quite red. This made 
 me feel more at my ease. 
 
 ' No, sir. If you had ' 
 
 ' Goodness knows ! ' I murmured, shaking my 
 head. 
 
 ' As it happened, however, my son entered in 
 the middle of this disgraceful ' 
 
 ' It was at the beginning,' said I, with a 
 regretful sigh. 
 
 Upon this and I have really never been so 
 pleased at anything in all my life the Countess, 
 the violence of her emotions penetrating to her 
 very fingers, gripped the handle of her ' starers ' 
 with such force that she broke it in two ! She 
 was a woman of the world, and in a moment 
 she looked as if nothing had happened. With 
 me it was different ; and that I am not now on 
 Lady Mickleham's visiting list is due to (inter 
 alia et enormid) the fact that I laughed ! It was 
 
1 8 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 out before I could help it. In a second I was 
 as grave as a mute. The mischief was done. 
 The Countess rose. I imitated her example. 
 
 ' You are amused ? ' said she, and her tones 
 banished the last of my mirth. I stumbled on 
 my hat, and it rolled to her feet. 
 
 ' It is not probable,' she observed, ' that after 
 Miss Foster's marriage you will meet her often. 
 You will move in er somewhat different 
 circles.' 
 
 ' I may catch a glimpse of her in her carriage 
 from the top of my 'bus,' said I. 
 
 ' Your milieu and my son's ' 
 
 ' I know his valet, though,' said I. 
 
 Lady Mickleham rang the bell. I stooped 
 for my hat. To tell the truth I was rather 
 afraid to expose myself in such a defenceless 
 attitude, but the Countess preserved her self- 
 control. The butler opened the door. I bowed, 
 and left the Countess regarding me through the 
 maimed 'starers.' Then I found the butler 
 smiling. He probably knew the signs of the 
 weather. I wouldn't be Lady Mickleham's 
 butler if you made me a duke. 
 
 As I walked home through the Park I met 
 Miss Dolly and Mickleham. They stopped. 
 I walked on. Mickleham seized me by the 
 coat-tails. 
 
 ' Do you mean to cut us ? ' he cried. 
 
 'Yes,' said I. 
 
 ' Why, what the deuce ? ' he began. 
 
 ' I've seen your mother,' said I. ' I wish, 
 Mickleham, that when you do happen to intrude 
 
RETRIBUTION. 19 
 
 as you did the other day, you wouldn't repeat 
 what you see.' 
 
 ' Lord ! ' he cried. ' She's not heard of that ? 
 I only told Aunt Cynthia.' 
 
 I said something about Aunt Cynthia. 
 
 'Does does she know it "<?//?' asked Miss 
 Dolly. 
 
 ' More than all much more.' 
 
 ' Didn't you smooth it over ? ' said Miss Dolly 
 reproachfully. 
 
 ' On reflection,' said I, ' I don't know that I 
 did much.' (I hadn't, you know.) 
 
 Suddenly Mickleham burst out laughing. 
 
 ' What a game ! ' he exclaimed. 
 
 ' That's all very well for you,' said Dolly. 
 ' But do you happen to remember that we dine 
 there to-night ? ' 
 
 Archie grew grave. 
 
 ' I hope you'll enjoy yourselves,' said I. 'I 
 always cling to the belief that the wicked are 
 punished.' And I looked at Miss Dolly. 
 
 ' Never you mind, little woman/ said Archie, 
 drawing Miss Dolly's arm through his. ' I'll see 
 you through. After all, everybody knows that 
 old Carter's an ass.' 
 
 That piece of universal knowledge may help 
 matters, but I do not quite see how. I walked 
 on, for Miss Dolly had quite forgotten me, and 
 was looking up at Archie Mickleham like well, 
 hang it, in the way they do, you know. So I 
 just walked on. 
 
 I believe Miss Dolly has got a husband who 
 is (let us say) good enough for her. And, for 
 
20 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 one reason and another, I am glad of it. And 
 I also believe that she knows it And I am I 
 suppose glad of that too. Oh, yes, of course 
 I am. Of course. 
 
IV. 
 
 THE PERVERSENESS OF IT. 
 
 ' T TELL you what, Mr. Carter,' said Miss 
 J_ Nellie Phaeton, touching up Rhino with her 
 whip, ' love in a cottage is ' 
 
 ' Lord forgive us, cinders, ashes, dust,' I quoted. 
 
 We were spanking round the Park behind 
 Ready and Rhino. Miss Phaeton's horses are 
 very large ; her groom is very small, and her 
 courage is indomitable. I am no great hand at 
 driving myself, and I am not always quite com- 
 fortable. Moreover, the stricter part of my 
 acquaintance consider, I believe, that Miss 
 Phaeton's attentions to me are somewhat pro- 
 nounced, and that I ought not to drive with her 
 in the Park. 
 
 ' You're right,' she went on. ' What a girl 
 wants is a good house and lots of cash, and some 
 ridin' and a little huntin' and ' 
 
 ' A few ' g's ' ; ' I cried in shuddering entreaty. 
 ' If you love me, a " g " or two.' 
 
 ' Well, I suppose so,' said she. ' You can't go 
 ridin' without gees, can you ? ' 
 
 Apparently one could go driving without any, 
 but I did not pursue the subject. 
 
 21 
 
22 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' It's only in stories that people are in love 
 when they marry,' observed Miss Phaeton reflec- 
 tively. 
 
 'Yes, and then it's generally with somebody 
 else,' said I. 
 
 ' Oh, if you count that \ ' said she, hitting 
 Ready rather viciously. We bounded forward, 
 and I heard the little groom bumping on the 
 back seat. I am always glad not to be a groom 
 it's a cup-and-ball sort of life, which must be- 
 very wearying. 
 
 'Were you ever in love?' she asked, just 
 avoiding a brougham which contained the 
 Duchess of Dexminster. (If, by the way, I 
 have to run into any one, I like it to be a 
 Duchess : you get a much handsomer paragraph.) 
 
 ' Yes,' said I. 
 
 ' Often ? ' 
 
 ' Oh, not too often, and I always take great 
 care, you know.' 
 
 'What of? 1 
 
 ' That it shall be quite out of the question, 
 you know. It's not at all difficult. I only have 
 to avoid persons of moderate means.' 
 
 ' But aren't you a person of ? ' 
 
 ' Exactly. That's why. So I choose either 
 a pauper when it's impossible or an heiress 
 when it's preposterous. See?' 
 
 ' But don't you ever want to get ? ' began 
 
 Miss Phaeton. 
 
 ' Let's talk about something else,' said I. 
 
 ' I believe you're humbuggin' me,' said Miss 
 Phaeton. 
 
THE PERVERSENESS OF IT. 23 
 
 ' I am offering a veiled apology,' said I. 
 
 ' Stuff! ' said she. ' You know you told Dolly 
 Foster that I should make an excellent wife for 
 a trainer.' 
 
 Oh, these women ! A man had better talk to 
 a phonograph. 
 
 ' Or anybody else,' said I politely. 
 
 Miss Phaeton whipped up her horses. 
 
 ' Look out ! There's the mounted policeman,' 
 I cried. 
 
 ' No, he isn't. Are you afraid ? ' she retorted. 
 
 ' I'm not fit to die,' I pleaded. 
 
 ' I don't care a pin for your opinion, you 
 know,' she continued (I had never supposed 
 that she did) ; ' but what did you mean by it ? ' 
 
 ' I never said it.' 
 
 'Oh!' 
 
 ' All right I never did.' 
 
 ' Then Dolly invented it ? ' 
 
 ' Of course,' said I steadily. 
 
 ' On your honour ? ' 
 
 ' Oh, come, Miss Phaeton ! ' 
 
 ' Would would other people think so ? ' she 
 asked, with a highly surprising touch of timidity. 
 
 ' Nobody would,' I said. ' Only a snarling old 
 wretch would say so, just because he thought it 
 smart.' 
 
 There was a long pause. Then Miss Phaeton 
 asked me abruptly, 
 
 ' You never met him, did you ? ' 
 
 'No.' 
 
 A pause ensued. We passed the Duchess 
 again, and scratched the nose of her poodle, 
 
24 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 which was looking out of the carriage window. 
 Miss Phaeton flicked Rhino, and the groom 
 behind went plop-plop on the scat. 
 
 ' He lives in town, you know,' remarked Miss 
 Phaeton. 
 
 'They mostly do and write about the 
 country,' said I. 
 
 ' Why shouldn't they ? ' she asked fiercely. 
 
 ' My dear Miss Phaeton, by all means let 
 them,' said I. 
 
 ' He's awfully clever, you know,' she con- 
 tinued ; ' but he wouldn't always talk. Some- 
 times he just sat and said nothin', or read a book.' 
 
 A sudden intuition discovered Mr. Gay's feel- 
 ings to me. 
 
 ' You were talking about the run, or something, 
 I suppose?' 
 
 1 Yes, or the bag, you know.' 
 
 As she spoke she pulled up Ready and Rhino. 
 The little groom jumped down and stood under 
 (not at) their heads. I leant back and surveyed 
 the crowd sitting and walking. Miss Phaeton 
 flicked a fly off Rhino's ear, put her whip in 
 the socket, and leant back also. 
 
 ' Then I suppose you didn't care much about 
 him ? ' I asked. 
 
 ' Oh, I liked him pretty well,' she answered 
 very carelessly. 
 
 At this moment, looking along the walk, I 
 saw a man coming towards us. He was a 
 handsome fellow, with just a touch of ' softness ' 
 in his face. He was dressed in correct fashion, 
 save that his hair was a trifle longer, his coat 
 
THE PERVERSENESS OF IT. 25 
 
 a trifle fuller, his hat a trifle larger, his tie a trifle 
 looser than they were worn by most. He 
 caught my attention, and I went on looking at 
 him for a little while, till a slight movement of 
 my companion's made me turn my head. 
 
 Miss Phaeton was sitting bolt upright : she 
 fidgeted with the reins ; she took her whip out 
 of the socket and put it back again ; and, to my 
 amazement, her cheeks were very red. 
 
 Presently the man came opposite the carriage. 
 Miss Phaeton bowed. He lifted his hat, smiled, 
 and made as if to pass on. Miss Phaeton held 
 out her hand. I could see a momentary gleam 
 of surprise in his eye, as though he thought her 
 cordiality more than he might have looked for 
 possibly even more than he cared about. But 
 he stopped and shook hands. 
 
 ' How are you, Mr. Gay ? ' she said, not 
 introducing me. 
 
 ' Still with your inseparables ! ' he said gaily, 
 with a wave of his hand towards the horses. ' I 
 hope, Miss Phaeton, that in the next world your 
 faithful steeds will be allowed to bear you 
 company, or what will you do?' 
 
 ' Oh, you think I care for nothin' but horses ! ' 
 said she petulantly ; but she leant towards him, 
 and gave me her shoulder. 
 
 ' Oh, no,' he laughed. ' Dogs also, and, I'm 
 afraid, one day it was ferrets, wasn't it?' 
 
 ' Have have you written any poetry lately ? ' 
 she asked. 
 
 ' How conscientious of you to inquire ! ' he 
 exclaimed, his eyes twinkling. ' Oh, yes, half a 
 
26 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 hundred things. Have you killed anything 
 lately ? ' 
 
 I could swear she flushed again. Her voice 
 trembled as she answered, 
 
 ' No, not lately.' 
 
 I caught sight of his face behind her back, 
 and I thought I saw a trace of puzzle nothing 
 more. He held out his hand. 
 
 ' Well, so glad to have seen you, Miss Phaeton,' 
 said he, ' but I must run on. Good-bye.' 
 
 ' Good-bye, Mr. Gay," said she. 
 
 And, lifting his hat again, smiling again gaily, 
 he was gone. For a moment or two I said 
 nothing. Then I remarked, 
 
 ' So that's your friend Gay, is it ? He's not a 
 bad-looking fellow.' 
 
 ' Yes, that's him,' said she, and, as she spoke, 
 she sank back in her seat for a moment. I did 
 not look at her face. Then she sat up straight 
 again and took the whip. 
 
 ' Want to stay any longer ? ' she asked. 
 
 ' No,' said I. 
 
 The little groom sprang away, Rhino and 
 Ready dashed ahead. 
 
 ' Shall I drop you at the club ? ' she asked. 
 ' I'm goin' home.' 
 
 ' I'll get out here,' said I. 
 
 We came to a stand again, and I got down. 
 
 ' Good-bye,' I said. 
 
 She nodded at me, but said nothing. A second 
 later the carriage was tearing down the road, 
 and the little groom hanging on for dear life. 
 
 Of course it's all nonsense. She's not the 
 
THE PERVERSENESS OF IT. 27 
 
 least suited to him ; she'd make him miserable, 
 and then be miserable herself. But it seems a 
 little perverse, doesn't it? In fact, twice at 
 least between the courses at dinner I caught 
 myself being sorry for her. It is, when you 
 think of it, so remarkably perverse. 
 
V. 
 
 A MATTER OF DUTY. 
 
 LADY MICKLEHAM is back from her 
 honeymoon. I mean young Lady Micklc- 
 ham Dolly Foster (well, of course I do. Fancy 
 the Dowager on a honeymoon !). She signified 
 the fact to me by ordering me to call on her at 
 tea-time ; she had, she said, something which 
 she wished to consult me about confidentially. 
 I went. 
 
 ' I didn't know you were back,' I observed. 
 
 ' Oh, we've been back a fortnight, but we 
 went down to The Towers. They were all there, 
 Mr. Carter.' 
 
 'All who?' 
 
 ' All Archie's people. The Dowager said we 
 must get really to know one another as soon as 
 possible. I'm not sure I like really knowing 
 people. It means that they say whatever they 
 like to you, and don't get up out of your 
 favourite chair when you come in.' 
 
 ' I agree,' said I, ' that a soup$on of unfamiliarity 
 is not amiss.' 
 
 4 Of course it's nice to be one of the family,' 
 she continued. 
 
 28 
 
A MATTER OF DUTY. 29 
 
 ' The cat is that,' said I. 'I would not give a 
 fig for it.' 
 
 ' And the Dowager taught me the ways of the 
 house.' 
 
 ' Ah, she taught me the way out of it.' 
 
 ' And showed me how to be most disagreeable 
 to the servants.' 
 
 ' It is the first lesson of a housekeeper.' 
 
 ' And told me what Archie particularly liked, 
 and how bad it was for him, poor boy.' 
 
 ' What should we do without our mothers ? I 
 do not, however, see how I can help in all this, 
 Lady Mickleham.' 
 
 ' How funny that sounds ! ' 
 
 ' Aren't you accustomed to your dignity yet ? ' 
 
 ' I meant from you, Mr. Carter.' 
 
 I smiled. That is Dolly's way. As Miss 
 Phaeton says, she means no harm, and it is 
 admirably conducive to the pleasure of a 
 tete-a-tete. 
 
 ' It wasn't that I wanted to ask you about,' 
 she continued, after she had indulged in a 
 pensive sigh (with a dutifully bright smile and 
 a glance at Archie's photograph to follow. Her 
 behaviour always reminds me of a varied and 
 well-assorted memt}. ( It was about something 
 much more difficult. You won't tell Archie, 
 will you ? ' 
 
 ' This becomes interesting,' I remarked, putting 
 my hat down. 
 
 'You know, Mr. Carter, that before I was 
 married oh, how long ago it seems ! ' 
 ' Not at all.' 
 
3 o THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' Don't interrupt. That before I was married 
 I had several that is to say, several well, 
 several ' 
 
 ' Start quite afresh,' I suggested encouragingly. 
 
 ' Well, then, several men were silly enough to 
 think themselves you know.' 
 
 ' No one better,' I assented cheerfully. 
 
 ' Oh, if you won't be sensible ! Well, you 
 
 see, many of them are Archie's friends as 
 well as mine ; and, of course, they've been to 
 call.' 
 
 ' It is but good manners,' said I. 
 
 ' One of them waited to be sent for, though.' 
 
 ' Leave that fellow out,' said I. 
 
 'What I want to ask you is this and I 
 believe you're not silly, really, you know, except 
 when you choose to be.' 
 
 'Walk in the Row any afternoon,' said I, 
 ' and you won't find ten wiser men.' 
 
 ' It's this. Ought I to tell Archie ? ' 
 
 ' Good gracious ! Here's a problem ! ' 
 
 ' Of course,' pursued Lady Mickleham, open- 
 ing her fan, ' it's in some ways more comfortable 
 that he shouldn't know.' 
 
 ' For him ? ' 
 
 ' Yes and for me. But then it doesn't seem 
 fair.' 
 
 ' To him ? ' 
 
 'Yes and to me. Because if he came to 
 know from anybody else, he might exaggerate 
 the things, you know.' 
 
 ' Impossible! ' 
 
 ' Mr. Carter ! ' 
 
A MATTER OF DUTY. 31 
 
 ' I er mean he knows you too well to do 
 such a thing.' 
 
 ' Oh, I see. Thank you. Yes. What do 
 you think ? ' 
 
 ' What does the Dowager say ? ' 
 
 ' I haven't mentioned it to the Dowager." 
 
 ' But surely, on such a point, her experi- 
 ence ' 
 
 ' She can't have any,' said Lady Mickleham 
 decisively. ' I believe in her husband, because I 
 must. But nobody else ! You're not giving 
 me your opinion.' 
 
 I reflected for a moment. 
 
 ' Haven't we left out one point of view ? ' I 
 ventured to suggest. 
 
 ' I've thought it all over very carefully,' said 
 she ; ' both as it would affect me and as it 
 would affect Archie.' 
 
 ' Quite so. Now suppose you think how it 
 would affect them ! ' 
 
 'Who?' 
 
 ' Why, the men.' 
 
 Lady Mickleham put down her cup of tea. 
 
 ' What a very curious idea ! ' she ex- 
 claimed. 
 
 ' Give it time to sink in,' said I, helping 
 myself to another piece of toast. 
 
 She sat silent for a few moments presumably 
 to allow of the permeation I suggested. I 
 finished my tea and leant back comfortably. 
 Then I said, 
 
 ' Let me take my own case. Shouldn't I feel 
 rather awkward ? ' 
 
32 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' Oh, it's no good taking your case,' she in- 
 terrupted. 
 
 ' Why not mine as well as another ? ' 
 
 ' Because I told him about you long ago.' 
 
 I was not surprised. But I could not permit 
 Lady Mickleham to laugh at me in the uncon- 
 scionable manner in which she proceeded to laugh. 
 I spread out my hands and observed blandly, 
 
 ' Why not be guided as to the others, I 
 mean by your husband's example ? ' 
 
 ' Archie's example ? What's that ? ' 
 
 ' I don't know ; but you do, I suppose.' 
 
 ' What do you mean, Mr. Carter ? ' she asked, 
 sitting upright 
 
 ' Well, has he ever told you about Maggie 
 Adeane ? ' 
 
 ' I never heard of her.' 
 
 ' Or Lilly Courtenay ? ' 
 
 ' That girl ! ' 
 
 1 Or Alice Layton ? ' 
 
 ' The red-haired Layton ? ' 
 
 ' Or Florence Cunliffe ?' 
 
 ' Who was she ? ' 
 
 ' Or Millie Trehearne ? ' 
 
 ' She squints, Mr. Carter.' 
 
 'Or ' 
 
 ' Stop, stop ! What do you mean ? What 
 should he tell me?' 
 
 ' Oh, I see he hasn't. Nor, I suppose, about 
 Sylvia Fenton, or that little Delancy girl, or 
 handsome Miss what was her name ? ' 
 
 ' Hold your tongue and tell me what you 
 mean.' 
 
A MATTER OF DUTY. 33 
 
 " Lady Mickleham,' said I gravely, ' if your 
 husband has not thought fit to mention these 
 ladies and others whom I could name to you, 
 how could I presume ? ' 
 
 ' Do you mean to tell me that Archie ? ' 
 
 ' He'd only known you three years, you see.' 
 
 ' Then it was before ? ' 
 
 ' Some of them were before,' said I. 
 
 Lady Mickleham drew a long breath. 
 
 ' Archie will be in soon,' said she. 
 
 I took my hat. 
 
 ' It seems to me,' I observed, ' that what is 
 sauce that, I should say, husband and wife 
 ought to stand on an equal footing in these 
 matters. Since he has no doubt for good 
 reasons not mentioned to you ' 
 
 ' Alice Layton was a positive fright.' 
 
 ' She came last,' said I. ' Just before you, 
 you know. However, as I was saying ' 
 
 ' And that horrible Sylvia Fenton ' 
 
 ' Oh, he couldn't have known you long then. 
 As I was saying, I should, if I were you, treat 
 him as he has treated you. In rny case it seems 
 to be too late.' 
 
 ' I'm sorry I told him that.' 
 
 ' Oh, pray don't mind ; it's of no consequence. 
 As to the others ' 
 
 ' I should never have thought it of Archie ! ' 
 
 ' One never knows,' said I, with an apologetic 
 smile. ' I don't suppose he thinks it of you.' 
 
 ' I won't tell him a single word. He may find 
 out if he likes. Who was the last girl you 
 mentioned ? ' 
 
34 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' Is it any use trying to remember all their 
 names ? ' 1 asked in a soothing tone. ' No 
 doubt he's forgotten them by now just as 
 you've forgotten the others.' 
 
 ' And the Dowager told me that he had never 
 had an attachment before.' 
 
 ' Oh, if the Dowager said that ! Of course, 
 the Dowager would know ! ' 
 
 ' Don't be so silly, for goodness' sake ! Are 
 you going ? ' 
 
 'Certainly I am. It might annoy Archie to 
 find me here when he wants to talk to you.' 
 
 ' Well, I want to talk to him.' 
 
 ' Of course you won't repeat what I've 
 
 ' I shall find out for myself,' she said. 
 
 ' Good-bye. I hope I've removed all your 
 troubles.' 
 
 ' Oh, yes, thank you. I know what to do 
 now, Mr. Carter.' 
 
 ' Always send for me if you're in any trouble. 
 I have some exp ' 
 
 ' Good-bye, Mr. Carter.' 
 
 ' Good-bye, Lady Mickleham. And remem- 
 ber that Archie, like you ' 
 
 ' Yes, yes ; I know. Must you go ? ' 
 
 ' I'm afraid I must. I've enjoyed our talk 
 so ' 
 
 ' There's Archie's step.' 
 
 I left the room. On the stairs I met Archie. 
 I shook hands sympathetically. I was sorry 
 for Archie. But in great causes the individual 
 cannot be considered. I had done my duty to 
 my sex. 
 
vi. 
 
 MY LAST CHANCE. 
 
 ' "V T OW mind,' said Mrs. Hilary Musgrave 
 1 \| impressively, ' this is the last time I shall 
 take any trouble about you. She's a very nice 
 girl, quite pretty, and she'll have a lot of money. 
 You can be very pleasant when you like ' 
 
 ' This unsolicited testimonial ' 
 
 'Which isn't often and if you don't do it 
 this time I wash my hands of you. Why, how 
 old are you ? ' 
 
 ( Hush, Mrs. Hilary.' 
 
 ' You must be nearly ' 
 
 ' It's false false false ! ' 
 
 1 Come along,' said Mrs. Hilary, and she added, 
 over her shoulder, 'she has a north-country 
 accent.' 
 
 ' It might have been Scotch,' said I. 
 
 ' She plays the piano a good deal.' 
 
 ' It might have been the fiddle,' said I. 
 
 ' She's very fond of Browning.' 
 
 1 It might have been Ibsen,' said I. 
 
 Mrs. Hilary, seeing that I was determined to 
 look on the bright side, smiled graciously on me 
 and introduced me to the young lady. She was 
 35 
 
36 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 decidedly good-looking, fresh and sincere of 
 aspect, with large inquiring eyes eyes which I 
 felt would demand a little too much of me at 
 breakfast but then a large tea-urn puts that all 
 right. 
 
 'Miss Sophia Milton Mr. Carter,' said Mrs. 
 Hilary, and left us. 
 
 Well, we tried the theatres first ; but as she 
 had only been to the Lyceum and I had only 
 been to the Gaiety, we soon got to the end of 
 that. Then we tried Art : she asked me what 
 I thought of Degas : I evaded the question by 
 criticising a drawing of a horse in last week's 
 Punch which she hadn't seen. Upon this she 
 started literature. She said ' Some Qualms 
 and a Shiver ' was the book of the season. I 
 put my money on ' The Queen of the Quorn.' 
 Dead stop again ! And I saw Mrs. Hilary's 
 eye upon me : there was wrath in her face. 
 Something must be done. 
 
 A brilliant idea seized me. I had read that 
 four-fifths of the culture of England were 
 Conservative. I also was a Conservative. It 
 was four to one on ! I started politics. I could 
 have whooped for joy when I elicited something 
 particularly incisive about the ignorance of the 
 masses. 
 
 ' I do hope you agree with me,' said Miss 
 Milton. 'The more one reads and thinks, the 
 more one sees how fatally false a theory it is 
 that the ignorant masses people such as I have 
 described can ever rule a great Empire.' 
 
 ' The Empire wants gentlemen ; that's what 
 
MY LAST CHANCE. 37 
 
 it wants/ said I, nodding my head, and glancing 
 triumphantly at Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' Men and women," said she, ' who are ac- 
 quainted with the best that has been said and 
 thought on all important subjects.' 
 
 At the time I believed this observation to be 
 original, but I have since been told that it was 
 borrowed. I was delighted with it. 
 
 ' Yes/ said I, ' and have got a stake in the 
 country, you know, and know how to behave 
 'cmsclves in the House, don't you know? ' 
 
 ' What we have to do/ pursued Miss Milton, 
 ' is to guide the voters. These poor rustics need 
 to be informed ' 
 
 'Just so/ I broke in. 'They have to be 
 told ' 
 
 ' Of the real nature of the questions ' 
 
 ' And which candidate to support.' 
 
 ' Or they must infallibly ' she exclaimed. 
 
 ' Get their marching orders/ I cried, in rapture. 
 It was exactly what I always did on my small 
 property. 
 
 ' Oh, I didn't quite mean that/ she said re- 
 proachfully. 
 
 ' Oh, well, neither did I quite/ I responded 
 adroitly. What was wrong with the girl now ? 
 
 ' But with the help of the League ' she 
 
 went on. 
 
 ' Do you belong ? ' I cried, more delighted 
 than ever. 
 
 ' Oh, yes ! ' said she. ' I think it's a duty. 
 I worked very hard at the last election. I spent 
 days distributing packages of ' 
 
38 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 Then I made, I'm sorry to say, a false step. 
 I observed, interrupting, 
 
 'But it's ticklish work now, eh? Six months' 
 " hard " wouldn't be pleasant, would it ? ' 
 
 ' What do you mean, Mr. cr Carter ? ' she 
 asked. 
 
 I was still blind. I believe I winked, and 
 I'm sure I whispered, ' Tea' 
 
 Miss Milton drew herself up very straight. 
 
 ' I do not bribe*, she said. ' What I distribute 
 is pamphlets.' 
 
 Now, I suppose that ' pamphlets ' and 
 ' blankets ' don't really sound much alike, but 
 I was agitated. 
 
 ' Quite right,' said I. ' Poor old things ! They 
 can't afford proper fuel.' 
 
 She rose to her feet. 
 
 ' I was not joking,' said she with horrible 
 severity. 
 
 ' Neither was I,' I declared in humble apology. 
 ' Didn't you say " blankets " ? ' 
 
 ' Pamphlets' 
 
 .' Oh ! ' 
 
 There was a long pause. I glanced at Mrs. 
 Hilary. Things had not fallen out as happily 
 as they might, but I did not mean to give up 
 yet. 
 
 ' I see you're right,' I said, still humbly. ' To 
 descend to such means as I had in my mind 
 is ' 
 
 ' To throw away our true weapons,' said she 
 earnestly. (She sat down again good sign.) 
 
 ' What we really need ' I began. 
 
MY LAST CHANCE. 39 
 
 Is a reform of the upper classes,' said she. 
 ' Let them give an example of duty, of self- 
 denial, of frugality.' 
 
 I was not to be caught out again. 
 
 ' Just what I always say,' I observed im- 
 pressively. 
 
 ' Let them put away their horse-racing, their 
 betting, their luxurious living, their ' 
 
 ' You're right, Miss Milton/ said I. 
 
 ' Let them set an example of morality.' 
 
 ' They should,' I assented. 
 
 Miss Milton smiled. 
 
 ' I thought we agreed really,' said she. 
 
 ' I'm sure we do,' cried I ; and I winked with 
 my 'off' eye at Mrs. Hilary as I sat down 
 beside Miss Milton. 
 
 ' Now I heard of a man the other day,' said 
 she, ' who's nearly forty. He's got an estate 
 in the country. He never goes there, except 
 for a few days' shooting. He lives in town. 
 He spends too much. He passes an absolutely 
 vacant existence in a round of empty gaiety. 
 He has by no means a good reputation. He 
 dangles about, wasting his time and his money. 
 Is that the sort of example ? ' 
 
 ' He's a traitor to his class,' said I warmly. 
 
 ' If you want him, you must look on a race- 
 course, or at a tailor's, or in some fashionable 
 woman's boudoir. And his estate looks after 
 itself. He's too selfish to marry, too idle to 
 work, too silly to think.' 
 
 I began to be sorry for this man, in spite of 
 his peccadilloes. 
 
40 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' I wonder if I've met him,' said I. ' I'm 
 occasionally in town, when I can get time to run 
 up. What's his name?' 
 
 ' I don't think I heard or I've forgotten. 
 But he's got the place next to a friend of mine 
 in the country, and she told me all about him. 
 She's exactly the opposite sort of person or 
 she wouldn't be my friend.' 
 
 ' I should think not,' Miss Milton,' said I 
 admiringly. 
 
 ' Oh, I should like to meet that man, and tell 
 him what I think of him ! ' said she. ' Such 
 men as he is do more harm than a dozen 
 agitators. So contemptible, too ! ' 
 
 ' It's revolting to think of,' said I. 
 
 ' I'm so glad you ' began Miss Milton, 
 
 quite confidentially ; I pulled my chair a trifle 
 closer, and cast an apparently careless glance 
 towards Mrs. Hilary. Suddenly I heard a voice- 
 behind me. 
 
 ' Eh, what ? Upon my honour it is ! Why, 
 Carter, my boy, how are you ? Eh, what ? 
 Miss Milton, too, I declare ! Well, now, what a 
 pity Annie didn't come ! ' 
 
 I disagreed. I hate Annie. But I was very 
 glad to see my friend and neighbour, Robert 
 Dinnerly. He's a sensible man his wife's a 
 little prig. 
 
 ' Oh, Mr. Dinnerly,' cried Miss Milton, ' how 
 funny that you should come just now ! I ,was 
 just trying to remember the name of a man 
 Mrs. Dinnerly told me about. I was telling 
 Mr. Carter about him. You know him.' 
 
MY LAST CHANCE. 41 
 
 ' Well, Miss Milton, perhaps I do. Describe 
 him.' 
 
 ' I don't believe Annie ever told me his name, 
 but she was talking about him at our house 
 yesterday.' 
 
 ' But I wasn't there, Miss Milton.' 
 
 ' No,' said Miss Milton, ' but he's got the next 
 place to yours in the country.' 
 
 I positively leapt from my seat. 
 
 ' Why, good gracious, Carter himself, you 
 mean ! ' cried Dinnerly, laughing. ' Well, that 
 is a good 'un ha-ha-ha ! " 
 
 She turned a stony glare on me. 
 
 'Do you live next to Mr. Dinnerly in the 
 country ? ' she asked. 
 
 I would have denied it if Dinnerly had not 
 been there. As it was I blew my nose. 
 
 ' I wonder,' said Miss Milton, ' what has be- 
 come of Aunt Emily.' 
 
 ' Miss Milton,' said I, ' by a happy chance you 
 have enjoyed a luxury. You have told the man 
 what you think of him.' 
 
 ' Yes,' said she ; ' and I have only to add that 
 he is also a hypocrite.' 
 
 Pleasant, wasn't it? Yet Mrs. Hilary says 
 it was my fault ! That's a woman all over ! 
 
VII. 
 
 THE LITTLE WRETCH ! 
 
 SEEING that little Johnny Tompkins was 
 safely out of the country, under injunctions 
 to make a new man of himself, and to keep that 
 new man, when made, at the Antipodes, I could 
 not sec anything indiscreet in touching on the 
 matter in the course of coversation with Mrs. 
 Hilary Musgrave. In point of fact, I was 
 curious to find out what she knew, and, supposing 
 she knew, what she thought. So I mentioned 
 little Johnny Tompkins. 
 
 ' Oh, the little wretch ! ' cried Mrs. Hilary. 
 ' You know he came here two or three times ? 
 Anybody can impose on Hilary.' 
 
 ' Happy woman ! I I mean unhappy man, 
 Mrs. Hilary.' 
 
 ' And how much was it he stole ? ' 
 
 ' Hard on a thousand,' said I. ' For a time, 
 you know, he was quite a man of fashion.' 
 
 ' Oh, I know. He came here in his own 
 hansom, perfectly dressed, and ' 
 
 ' Behaved all right, didn't he ? ' 
 
 ' Yes. Of course there was a something.' 
 42 
 
THE LITTLE WRETCH! 43 
 
 ' Or you wouldn't have been deceived ! ' said I 
 with a smile. 
 
 ' I wasn't deceived,' said Mrs. Hilary, an 
 admirable flush appearing on her cheeks. 
 
 ' That is to say, Hilary wouldn't.' 
 
 Oh, Hilary ! Why didn't his employers 
 prosecute him, Mr. Carter ? ' 
 
 ' In the first place, he had that inestimable 
 advantage in a career of dishonesty respectable 
 relations.' 
 
 ' Well, but still ' 
 
 ' His widowed mother was a trump, you 
 know.' 
 
 ' Do you mean a good woman ? ' 
 
 ' Doubtless she was ; but I meant a good 
 card. However, there was another reason.' 
 
 ' I can't see any,' declared Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' I'm going to surprise you,' said I. ' Hilary 
 interceded for him.' 
 
 1 Hilary ? ' 
 
 ' You didn't know it ? I thought not. Well, 
 he did.' 
 
 'Why, he always pretended to want him to 
 be convicted.' 
 
 ' Cunning Hilary ! ' said I. 
 
 ' He used to speak most strongly against him.' 
 
 ' That was his guile,' said I. 
 
 ' Oh, but why in the world ? ' she began ; 
 
 then she paused, and went on again : ' It was 
 nothing to do with Hilary.' 
 
 ' Hilary went with me to see him, you know, 
 while they had him under lock and key at the 
 firm's offices.' 
 
44 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' Did he ? I never heard that.' 
 
 ' And he was much impressed with his 
 bearing.' 
 
 ' Well, I suppose, Mr. Carter, that if he was 
 really penitent ' 
 
 ' Never saw a man less penitent,' I interrupted. 
 ' He gloried in his crime ; if I remember his 
 exact expression, it was that the jam was jolly 
 well worth the powder, and if they liked to send 
 
 him to chokee they could and be and suffer 
 
 accordingly, you know.' 
 
 ' And after that, Hilary ! ' 
 
 ' Oh, anybody can impose on Hilary, you 
 know. Hilary only asked what the "jam" 
 was.' 
 
 ' It's a horrid expression, but I suppose it 
 meant acting the part of a gentleman, didn't 
 it?' 
 
 ' Not entirely. According to what he told 
 Hilary, Johnny was in love.' 
 
 ' Oh, and he stole for some wretched ' 
 
 ' Now, do be careful. What do you know 
 about the lady ? ' 
 
 ' The lady ! I can imagine Johnny Tompkins's 
 ideal!' 
 
 ' So can I, if you come to that' 
 
 ' And she must have known his money wasn't 
 his own.' 
 
 ' Why must she ? ' I asked. ' According to 
 what he told Hilary, she didn't' 
 
 ' I don't believe it,' said Mrs. Hilary, with 
 decision. 
 
 ' Hilary believed it ! ' 
 
THE LITTLE WRETCH! 45 
 
 'Oh, Hilary!' 
 
 ' But then, Hilary knew the girl.' 
 
 ' Hilary knew ! You mean to say Hilary 
 
 knew ? ' 
 
 ' No one better,' said I composedly. 
 
 Mrs. Hilary rose to her feet. 
 
 ' Who was the creature ? ' she asked sharply. 
 
 ' Come,' I expostulated, ' how would you like 
 it, if your young man had taken to theft, 
 and ' 
 
 'Oh, nonsense. Tell me her name, please, 
 Mr. Carter.' 
 
 'Johnny told Hilary that just to see her and 
 talk to her and sit by her was "worth all the 
 money " but, then, to be sure, it was somebody 
 else's money and that he'd do it again to get 
 what he had got over again. Then, I'm sorry 
 to say, he swore.' 
 
 ' And Hilary believed that stuff? ' 
 
 ' Hilary agreed with him,' said I. ' Hilary, 
 you see, knows the lady.' 
 
 ' What's her name, Mr. Carter ? ' 
 
 ' Didn't you notice his attentions to any one ? ' 
 
 ' I notice ! You don't mean that I've ever 
 seen her?' 
 
 ' Certainly you have.' 
 
 ' Was she ever here ? ' 
 
 ' Yes, Mrs. Hilary. Hilary takes care of 
 that.' 
 
 ' I shall be angry in a minute, Mr. Carter 
 Oh, I'll have this out of Hilary ! ' 
 
 ' I should.' 
 
 ' Who was she ? ' 
 
46 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' According to what he told Hilary, she was 
 the most fascinating woman in the world. 
 Hilary thought so, too.' 
 
 Mrs. Hilary began to walk up and down. 
 
 ' Oh, so Hilary helped to let him go, because 
 they both ?' 
 
 ' Precisely,' said I. 
 
 ' And you dare to come and tell me ? ' 
 
 ' Well, I thought you ought to know,' said I. 
 ' Hilary's just as mad about her as Johnny in 
 fact, he said he'd be hanged if he wouldn't have 
 done the same himself.' 
 
 I have once seen Madame Ristori play Lady 
 Macbeth. Her performance was recalled to me 
 by the tones in which Mrs. Hilary asked, 
 
 ' Who is this woman, if you please, Mr. 
 Carter?' 
 
 ' So Hilary got him off gave him fifty pounds 
 too.' 
 
 ' Glad to get him away, perhaps,' she burst 
 out in angry scorn. 
 
 ' Who knows ? ' said I. ' Perhaps." 
 
 ' Her name ? ' demanded Lady Macbeth I 
 mean Mrs. Hilary again. 
 
 ' I sha'n't tell you, unless you promise to say 
 nothing to Hilary.' 
 
 ' To say nothing ! Well, really 
 
 ' Oh, all right ! ' and I took up my hat. 
 
 ' But I can watch them, can't I ? ' 
 
 4 As much as you like. 1 
 
 ' Won't you tell me ? ' 
 
 ' If you promise.' 
 
 ' Well, then, I promise.' 
 
THE LITTLE WRETCH! 47 
 
 4 Look in the glass.' 
 
 ' What for ? ' 
 
 ' To see your face, to be sure.' 
 
 She started, blushed red, and moved a step 
 towards me. 
 
 ' You don't mean ? ' she cried. 
 
 ' Thou art the woman,' said I. 
 
 ' Oh, but he never said a word ' 
 
 ' Johnny had his code,' said I. ' And in some 
 ways it was better than some people's in some, 
 alas ! worse.' 
 
 4 And Hilary?' 
 
 ' Really you know better than I do whether 
 I've told the truth about Hilary.' 
 
 A pause insued. Then Mrs. Hilary made 
 three short remarks, which I give in their 
 order : 
 
 (1) ' The little wretch !' 
 
 (2) ' Dear old Hilary ! ' 
 
 (3) ' Poor little man ! ' 
 
 I took my hat. I knew that Hilary was due 
 from the City in a few minutes. Mrs. Hilary 
 sat down by the fire. 
 
 ' How dare you torment me so ? ' she asked, 
 but not in the least like Lady Macbeth. 
 
 ' I must have my little amusements,' said I. 
 
 ' What an audacious little creature ! ' said Mrs . 
 
 Hilary. ' Fancy his daring ! Aren't you 
 
 astounded ? ' 
 
 ' Oh, yes, I am. But, Hilary, you see ' 
 
 ' It's nearly his time,' said Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 I buttoned my left glove and held out my 
 ri^ht hand. 
 
48 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 'I've a good mind not to shake hands 
 with you,' said she. ' Wasn't it absurd of 
 Hilary ? ' 
 
 ' Horribly.' 
 
 ' He ought to have been all the more angry.' 
 
 ' Of course he ought.' 
 
 ' The presumption of it ! ' and Mrs. Hilary 
 smiled. I also smiled. 
 
 ' That poor old mother of his," reflected Mrs. 
 Hilary. ' Where did you say she lived ? ' 
 
 ' Hilary knows the address,' said I. 
 
 ' Silly little wretch ! ' mused Mrs. Hilary, still 
 smiling. 
 
 ' Good-bye,' said I. 
 
 ' Good-bye,' said Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 I turned towards the door and had laid my 
 hand on the knob, when Mrs. Hilary called 
 softly, 
 
 'Mr. Carter.' 
 
 ' Yes,' said I, turning. 
 
 ' Do you know where the little wretch has 
 gone ? ' 
 
 'Oh, yes,' said I. 
 
 'I I suppose you don't ever write to him ? ' 
 
 ' Dear me, no,' said I. 
 
 1 But you could?' suggested Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' Of course,' said I. 
 
 She jumped up and ran towards me. Her 
 purse was in one hand, and a bit of paper 
 fluttered in the other. 
 
 ' Send him that don't tell him,' she whispered, 
 and her voice had a little catch in it. ' Poor 
 little wretch ! ' said she. 
 
THE LITTLE WRETCH. 49 
 
 As for me, I smiled cynically quite cynically, 
 you know ; for it was very absurd. 
 
 ' Please go,' said Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 And I went. 
 
 Supposing it had been another woman ! 
 Well, I wonder ! 
 
VIII. 
 
 AN EXPENSIVE PRIVILEGE. 
 
 A RATHER uncomfortable thing happened 
 the other day which threatened a schism 
 in my acquaintance and put me in a decidedly 
 awkward position. It was no other than this : 
 Mrs. Hilary Musgrave had definitely informed 
 me that she did not approve of Lady Mickle- 
 ham. The attitude is, no doubt, a conceivable 
 one, but I was surprised that a woman of Mrs. 
 Hilary's large sympathies should adopt it. 
 Besides, Mrs. Hilary is quite good-looking 
 herself. 
 
 The history of the affair is much as follows. 
 I called on Mrs. Hilary to see whether I could 
 do anything, and she told me all about it. It 
 appears that Mrs. Hilary had a bad cold and a 
 cousin up from the country about the same time 
 (she was justly aggrieved at the double event), 
 and, being unable to go to the Duchess of 
 Dexminster's ' squash,' she asked Dolly Mickle- 
 ham to chaperon little Miss Phyllis. Little 
 Miss Phyllis, of course, knew no one there, 
 the Duchess least of all (but then very few of 
 us yes, I was there knew the Duchess, and 
 5 
 
AN EXPENSIVE PRIVILEGE. 51 
 
 the Duchess didn't know any of us ; I saw her 
 shake hands with a waiter myself, just to be on 
 the safe side), and an hour after the party began 
 she was discovered wandering about in a most 
 desolate condition. Dolly had told her that she 
 would be in a certain place ; and when Miss 
 Phyllis came Dolly was not there. The poor 
 little lady wandered about for another hour, 
 looking so lost that one was inclined to send for 
 a policeman ; and then she sat down on a seat 
 by the wall, and, in desperation, asked her next- 
 door neighbour if he knew Lady Mickleham by 
 sight, and had he seen her lately ? The next- 
 door neighbour, by way of reply, called out to a 
 quiet elderly gentleman who was sidling un- 
 obtrusively about, ' Duke, are there any particu- 
 larly snug corners in your house ? ' The Duke 
 stopped, searched his memory, and said that at 
 the end of the Red Corridor there was a passage ; 
 and that a few yards down the passage, if you 
 turned very suddenly to the right, you would 
 come on a little nook under the stairs. The 
 little nook just held a settee, and the settee (the 
 Duke thought) might just hold two people. 
 The next-door neighbour thanked the Duke, 
 and observed to Miss Phyllis, 
 
 ' It will give me a great pleasure to take you 
 to Lady Mickleham.' So they went, it being 
 then, according to Miss Phyllis's sworn state- 
 ment, precisely two hours and five minutes since 
 Dolly had disappeared ; and, pursuing the route 
 indicated by the Duke, they found Lady 
 Mickleham. And Lady Mickleham exclaimed, 
 
52 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' Good gracious, my dear, I'd quite forgotten 
 you ! Have you had an ice ? Do take her to 
 have an ice, Sir John.' (Sir John Berry was the 
 next-door neighbour.) And with that Lady 
 Mickleham is said to have resumed her con- 
 versation. 
 
 ' Did you ever hear anything more atrocious ? ' 
 concluded Mrs. Hilary. ' I really cannot think 
 what Lord Mickleham is doing.' 
 
 ' You surely mean, what Lady Mickle- 
 ham ? ' 
 
 ' No, I don't,' said Mrs. Hilary, with extra- 
 ordinary decision. 'Anything might have 
 happened to that poor child.' 
 
 ' Oh, there were not many of the aristocracy 
 present,' said I soothingly. 
 
 ' But it's not that so much, as the thing itself. 
 She's the most disgraceful flirt in London.' 
 
 ' How do you know she was flirting ? ' I inquired 
 with a smile. 
 
 ' How do I know ? ' echoed Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' It is a very hasty conclusion,' I persisted. 
 ' Sometimes I stay talking with you for an hour 
 or more. Are you, therefore, flirting with me ? ' 
 
 ' With you \ ' exclaimed Mrs. Hilary, with a 
 little laugh. 
 
 ' Absurd as the supposition is,' I remarked, 
 ' it yet serves to point the argument. Lady 
 Mickleham might have been talking with a 
 friend, just in the quiet, rational way in which 
 we are talking now.' 
 
 4 1 don't think that's likely,' said Mrs. Hilary ; 
 and well, I do not like to say that^he sniffed 
 
AN EXPENSIVE PRIVILEGE. 53 
 
 it would convey too strong an idea, but she 
 did make an odd little sound something like a 
 much etherealised sniff. 
 
 I smiled again, and more broadly. I was 
 enjoying beforehand the little victory which I 
 was to enjoy over Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' Yet it happens to be true,' said I. 
 
 Mrs. Hilary was magnificently contemptuous. 
 
 ' Lord Mickleham told you so, I suppose ? ' 
 she asked. ' And I suppose Lady Mickleham 
 told him poor man ! ' 
 
 ' Why do you call him " poor man " ? ' 
 
 ' Oh, never mind. Did he tell you ? ' 
 
 ' Certainly not. The fact is, Mrs. Hilary 
 and really, you must excuse me for having kept 
 you in the dark a little it amused me so much 
 to hear your suspicions.' 
 
 Mrs. Hilary rose to her feet. 
 
 ' Well, what are you going to say ? ' she asked. 
 
 I laughed, as I answered, 
 
 ' Why, I was the man with Lady Mickleham 
 when your friend and Berry inter when they 
 arrived, you know.' 
 
 Well, I should have thought I should still 
 think that she would have been pleased 
 relieved, you know, to find her uncharitable 
 opinion erroneous, and pleased to have it altered 
 on the best authority. I'm sure that is -how 
 I should have felt. It was not, however, how 
 Mrs. Hilary felt. 
 
 ' I am deeply pained,' she observed after a 
 long pause ; and then she held out her hand. 
 
 ' I was sure you'd forgive my little deception,' 
 
54 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 said I, grasping it. I thought still that she 
 meant to bury all unkindness. 
 
 'I should never have thought it of you,' she 
 went on. 
 
 ' I didn't know your friend was there at all,' I 
 pleaded ; for by now I was alarmed. 
 
 ' Oh, please don't shuffle like that,' said Mrs. 
 Hilary. 
 
 She continued to stand, and I rose to my 
 feet. Mrs. Hilary held out her hand again. 
 
 ' Do you mean that I'm to go ?' said I. 
 
 ' I hope we shall see you again some day,' 
 said Mrs. Hilary ; the tone suggested that she 
 was looking forward to some future existence, 
 when my earthly sins should have been suffi- 
 ciently purged. It reminded me for the moment 
 of King Arthur and Queen Guinevere. 
 
 ' But I protest,' I began, ' that my only object 
 in telling you was to show you how absurd ' 
 
 ' Is it any good talking about it now ? ' asked 
 Mrs. Hilary. A discussion might possibly be 
 fruitful in the dim futurity before mentioned 
 but not now that was what she seemed to 
 say. 
 
 ' Lady Mickleham and I, on the occasion in 
 question ' I began, with dignity. 
 
 ' Pray spare me,' quoth Mrs. Hilary, with 
 much greater dignity. 
 
 I took my hat. 
 
 1 Shall you be at home as usual on Thursday ? ' 
 I asked. 
 
 ' I have a great many people coming already,' 
 she remarked. 
 
AN EXPENSIVE PRIVILEGE. 55 
 
 ' I can take a hint,' said I. 
 
 ' I wish you'd take warning,' said Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' I will take my leave/ said I and I did, 
 leaving Mrs. Hilary in a tragic attitude in the 
 middle of the room. Never again shall I go 
 out of my way to lull Mrs. Hilary's suspicions. 
 
 A day or two after this very trying interview 
 Lady Mickleham's victoria happened to stop 
 opposite where I was seated in the park. I 
 went to pay my respects. 
 
 ' Do you mean to leave me nothing in the 
 world ? ' I asked, just by way of introducing the 
 subject of Mrs. Hilary. ' One of my best friends 
 has turned me out of her house on your account.' 
 
 ' Oh, do tell me,' said Dolly, dimpling all over 
 her face. 
 
 So I told her ; I made the story as long as 
 I could for reasons connected with the dimples. 
 
 ' What fun ! ' exclaimed Dolly. ' I told you 
 at the time that a young unmarried person like 
 you ought to be more careful.' 
 
 ' I am just debating,' I observed, ' whether 
 to sacrifice you.' 
 
 ' To sacrifice me, Mr. Carter ? ' 
 
 ' Of course,' I explained ; ' if I dropped you 
 Mrs. Hilary would let me come again.' 
 
 ' How charming that would be ! ' cried Dolly. 
 ' You would enjoy her nice serious conversation 
 all about Hilary!' 
 
 ' She is apt,' I conceded, ' to touch on Hilary. 
 But she is very picturesque.' 
 
 ' Oh, yes, she's handsome,' said Dolly. 
 
 There was a pause. Then Dolly said, ' Well ? ' 
 
$6 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' Well ? ' said I in return. 
 
 ' Is it good-bye ? ' asked Dolly, drawing down 
 the corners of her mouth. 
 
 ' It comes to this/ I remarked. ' Supposing 
 I forgive you ' 
 
 ' As if it was my fault ! ' 
 
 'And risk Mrs. Hilary's wrath did you 
 speak ? ' 
 
 ' No ; I laughed, Mr. Carter.' 
 
 ' What shall I get out of it ? ' 
 
 The sun was shining brightly : it shone on 
 Dolly : she had raised her parasol, but she 
 blinked a little beneath it. She was smiling 
 slightly still, and one dimple stuck to its post 
 like a sentinel, ready to rouse the rest from their 
 brief repose. Dolly lay back in the victoria, 
 nestling luxuriously against the soft cushions. 
 She turned her eyes for a moment on me. 
 
 ' Why are you looking at me ? ' she asked. 
 
 ' Because,' said I, ' there is nothing better to 
 look at.' 
 
 ' Do you like doing it ? ' asked Dolly. 
 
 ' It is a privilege,' said I politely. 
 
 ' Well, then ! ' said Dolly. 
 
 ' But,' I ventured to observe, ' it's rather an 
 expensive one.' 
 
 ' Then you mustn't have it very often.' 
 
 ' And it is shared by so many people.' 
 
 ' Then,' said Dolly, smiling indulgently, ' you 
 must have it a little oftener. Home, Roberts, 
 please.' 
 
 I am not yet allowed at Mrs. Hilary Mus- 
 graves.' 
 
IX. 
 
 A VERY DULL AFFAIR. 
 
 ' r I ^O hear you talk,' remarked Mrs. Hilary 
 
 J_ Musgrave and, if any one is surprised to 
 find me at her house, I can only say that 
 Hilary, when he asked me to take pot-luck, was 
 quite ignorant of any ground of difference be- 
 tween his wife and myself, and that Mrs. Hilary 
 could not very well eject me on my arrival in 
 evening dress at ten minutes to eight ' to hear 
 you talk one would think that there was no 
 such thing as real love. 
 
 She paused. I smiled. 
 
 ' Now,' she continued, turning a fine but 
 scornful eye upon me, ' I have never cared for 
 any man in the world except my husband.' 
 
 I smiled again. Poor Hilary looked very 
 uncomfortable. With an apologetic air he 
 began to stammer something about Parish 
 Councils. I was not to be diverted by any such 
 manoeuvre. It was impossible that he could 
 really wish to talk on that subject. 
 
 ' Would a person who had never eaten any- 
 thing but beef make a boast of it ? ' I asked. 
 
 57 
 
58 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 Hilary grinned covertly. Mrs. Hilary pulled 
 the lamp nearer, and took up her embroidery. 
 
 ' Do you always work the same pattern ? ' 
 said I. 
 
 Hilary kicked me gently. Mrs. Hilary made 
 no direct reply, but presently she began to talk. 
 
 ' I was just about Phyllis's age (by the way, 
 little Miss Phyllis was there) when I first saw 
 Hilary. You remember, Hilary ? At Bourne- 
 mouth ? ' 
 
 ' Oh er was it Bournemouth?' said Hilary, 
 with much carelessness. 
 
 ' I was on the pier,' pursued Mrs. Hilary. ' I 
 had a red frock on, I remember, and one of 
 those big hats they wore that year. Hilary 
 wore ' 
 
 ' Blue serge,' I interpolated, encouragingly. 
 
 ' Yes, blue serge, said she fondly. ' He had 
 been yachting, and he was beautifully burnt. I 
 was horribly sunburnt wasn't I, Hilary?' 
 
 Hilary began to pat the dog. 
 
 ' Then we got to know one another.' 
 
 ' Stop a minute,' said I. ' How did that 
 happen ? ' 
 
 Mrs. Hilary blushed. 
 
 ' Well, we were both always on the pier,' she 
 explained. ' And and somehow Hilary got to 
 know father, and and father introduced him 
 to me.' 
 
 ' I'm glad it was no worse,' said I. I was 
 considering Miss Phyllis, who sat listening, 
 open-eyed. 
 
 ' And then, you know, father wasn't always 
 
A VERY DULL AFFAIR. 59 
 
 there ; and once or twice we met on the cliff. 
 Do you remember that morning, Hilary ? ' 
 
 ' What morning ? ' asked Hilary, patting the 
 dog with immense assiduity. 
 
 ' Why, the morning I had my white serge on. 
 I'd been bathing, and my hair was down to dry, 
 and you said I looked like a mermaid.' 
 
 ' Do mermaids wear white serge ? ' I asked ; 
 but nobody took the least notice of me quite 
 properly. 
 
 * And you told me such a lot about yourself ; 
 and then we found we were late for lunch.' 
 
 ' Yes,' said Hilary, suddenly forgetting the 
 dog, ' and your mother gave me an awful 
 glance.' 
 
 ' Yes, and then you told me that you were 
 very poor, but that you couldn't help it ; and 
 you said you supposed I couldn't possibly ' 
 
 ' Well, I didn't think ! ' 
 
 ' And I said you were a silly old thing ; and 
 then ' Mrs. Hilary stopped abruptly. 
 
 ' How lovely ! ' remarked little Miss Phyllis 
 in a wistful voice. 
 
 ' And do you remember,' pursued Mrs. Hilary, 
 laying down her embroidery and clasping her 
 hands on her knees, ' the morning you went to 
 see father ? ' 
 
 ' What a row there was ! ' said Hilary. 
 
 ' And what an awful week it was after that ! 
 I was never so miserable in all my life. I cried 
 till my eyes were quite red, and then I bathed 
 them for an hour, and then I went to the pier, and 
 you were there and I mightn't speak to you ! ' 
 
6o THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' I remember,' said Hilary, nodding gently. 
 
 ' And then, Hilary, father sent for me and 
 told me it was no use ; and I said I'd never 
 marry any one else. And father said, " There, 
 there, don't cry. We'll see what mother says. " 
 
 ' Your mother was a brick,' said H ilary, 
 poking the fire. 
 
 'And that night they never told me any- 
 thing about it, and I didn't even change my 
 frock, but came down, looking horrible, just as 
 I was, in an old black rag Now, Hilary, don't 
 say it was pretty ! ' 
 
 Hilary, unconvinced, shook his head. 
 
 1 And when I walked into the drawing-room 
 there was nobody there but just you ; and we 
 neither of us said anything for ever so long. 
 And then father and mother came in and do 
 you remember after dinner, Hilary?' 
 
 ' I remember,' said Hilary. 
 
 There was a long pause. Mrs. Hilary was 
 looking into the fire ; little Miss Phyllis's eyes 
 were fixed, in rapt gaze, on the ceiling ; Hilary 
 was looking at his wife I, thinking it safest, 
 was regarding my own boots. 
 
 At last Miss Phyllis broke the silence. 
 
 ' How perfectly lovely ! ' she said. 
 
 ' Yes,' said Mrs. Hilary. ' And we were 
 married three months afterwards.' 
 
 'Tenth of June,' said Hilary reflectively. 
 
 ' And we had the most charming little rooms 
 in the world ! Do you remember those first 
 rooms, dear ? So tiny ! ' 
 
 'Not bad little rooms,' said Hilary. 
 
A VERY DULL AFFAIR. 61 
 
 ' How awfully lovely ! ' cried little Miss 
 Phyllis. 
 
 I felt that it was time to interfere. 
 
 ' And is that all ? ' I asked. 
 
 ' All ? How do you mean ? ' said Mrs. 
 Hilary, with a slight start. 
 
 ' Well, I mean, did nothing else happen ? 
 Weren't there any complications ? Weren't 
 there any more troubles, or any more opposition, 
 or any misunderstandings, or anything ? ' 
 
 ' No/ said Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' You never quarrelled, or broke it off ? ' 
 
 'No.' 
 
 ' Nobody came between you ? ' 
 
 ' No. It all went just perfectly. Why, of 
 course it did.' 
 
 ' Hilary's people made themselves nasty, 
 perhaps ? ' I suggested, with a ray of hope. 
 
 ' They fell in love with her on the spot,' said 
 Hilary. 
 
 Then I rose and stood with my back to the 
 fire. 
 
 ' I do not know,' I observed, ' what Miss 
 Phyllis thinks about it ' 
 
 ' I think it was just perfect, Mr. Carter.' 
 
 ' But for my part, I can only say that I never 
 heard of such a dull affair in all my life.' 
 
 ' Dull I y gasped Miss Phyllis. 
 
 ' Dull!* murmured Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 'Dull!' chuckled Hilary. 
 
 ' It was,' said I severely, ' without a spark of 
 interest from beginning to end. Such things 
 happen by thousands. It's commonplaceness 
 
62 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 itself. I had some hopes when your father 
 assumed a firm attitude, but ' 
 
 4 Mother was such a dear,' interrupted Mrs. 
 Hilary. 
 
 ' Just so. She gave away the whole situation. 
 Then I did trust that Hilary would lose his 
 place, or develop an old flame, or do something 
 just a little interesting.' 
 
 ' It was a perfect time,' said Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' I wonder why in the world you told me 
 about it,' I pursued. 
 
 4 I don't know why I did,' said Mrs. Hilary 
 dreamily. 
 
 4 The only possible excuse for an engagement 
 like that,' I observed, ' is to be found in intense 
 post-nuptial unhappiness.' 
 
 Hilary rose, and advanced towards his wife. 
 
 ' Your embroideiy's falling on the floor,' said 
 he. 
 
 1 Not a bit of it,' said I. 
 
 ' Yes, it is,' he persisted ; and he picked it up 
 and gave it to her. Miss Phyllis smiled 
 delightedly. Hilary had squeezed his wife's 
 hand. 
 
 ' Then we don't excuse it," said he. 
 
 I took out my watch. I was not finding 
 much entertainment. 
 
 4 Surely it's quite early, old man ? ' said 
 Hilary. 
 
 4 It's nearly eleven. We've spent half-an-hour 
 on the thing,' said I peevishly, holding out my 
 hand to my hostess. 
 
 4 Oh, are you going ? Good-night, Mr. Carter.' 
 
A VERY DULL AFFAIR. 63 
 
 I turned to Miss Phyllis. 
 
 ' I hope you won't think all love-affairs are 
 like that,' I said ; but I saw her lips begin to 
 shape into ' lovely/ and I hastily left the room. 
 
 Hilary came to help me on with my coat. 
 He looked extremely apologetic, and very much 
 ashamed of himself. 
 
 ' Awfully sorry, old chap,' said he, ' that we 
 bored you with our reminiscences. I know, of 
 course, that they can't be very interesting to 
 other people. Women are so confoundedly 
 romantic.' 
 
 'Don't try that on with me,' said I, much 
 disgusted. ' You were just as bad yourself.' 
 
 He laughed, as he leant against the door. 
 
 ' She did look ripping in that white frock,' 
 he said, ' with her hair ' 
 
 ' Stop,' said I, firmly. ' She looked just like 
 a lot of other girls.' 
 
 ' I'm hanged if she did ! ' said Hilary. 
 
 Then he glanced at me with a puzzled sort of 
 expression. 
 
 ' I say, old man, weren't you ever that way 
 yourself? ' he asked. 
 
 I hailed a hansom cab. 
 
 ' Because, if you were, you know, you'd under- 
 stand how a fellow remembers every ' 
 
 ' Good-night,' said I. 'At least I suppose 
 you're not coming to the club ? ' 
 
 'Well, I think not,' said Hilary. ' Ta-ta, 
 old fellow. Sorry we bored you. Of course, if 
 a man has never ' 
 
 ' Never ! ' I groaned. ' A score of times ! ' 
 
64 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 'Well, then, doesn't it ? ' 
 
 'No,' said I. 'It's just that that makes 
 stories like yours so infernally 
 
 'What?' asked Hilary; for I had paused to 
 light a cigarette. 
 
 ' Uninteresting,' said I, getting into my cab. 
 
X. 
 
 STRANGE, BUT TRUE. 
 
 r I A HE other day my young cousin George 
 X lunched with me. He is a cheery youth, 
 and a member of the University of Oxford. 
 He refreshes me very much, and I believe that 
 I have the pleasure of affording him some 
 matter for thought. On this occasion, however, 
 he was extremely silent and depressed. I said 
 little, but made an extremely good luncheon. 
 Afterwards we proceeded to take a stroll in the 
 park. 
 
 ' Sam, old boy,' said George suddenly, ' I'm 
 the most miserable devil alive.' 
 
 ' I don't know what else you expect at your 
 age,' I observed, lighting a cigar. He walked 
 on in silence for a few moments. 
 
 ' I say, Sam, old boy, when you were young, 
 
 were you ever ? ' He paused, arranged his 
 
 neckcloth (it was more like a bed-quilt Oh, the 
 fashion, of course, I know that), and blushed a 
 fine crimson. 
 
 'Was I ever what, George ? ' I had the 
 curiosity to ask. 
 
 ' Oh, well, hard hit, you know a girl, you 
 know. 
 
 6 5 5 
 
66 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 'In love, you mean, George? No, I never 
 was.' 
 
 ' Never ? ' 
 
 ' No. Are you ? ' 
 
 ' Yes. Hang it ! ' Then he looked at me 
 with a puzzled air and continued, 
 
 ' I say, though, Sam, it's awfully funny you 
 shouldn't have don't you know what it's like, 
 then ? ' 
 
 ' How should I ? I inquired apologetically. 
 ' What is it like, George ? ' 
 
 George took my arm. 
 
 ' It's just Hades,' he informed me con- 
 fidentially. 
 
 ' Then,' I remarked, ' I have no reason to 
 regret ' 
 
 ' Still, you know,' interrupted George, ' it's not 
 half-bad.' 
 
 ' That appears to me to be a paradox,' I 
 observed. 
 
 ' It's precious hard to explain it to you if 
 you've never felt it,' said George, in rather an 
 injured tone. ' But what I say is quite true.' 
 
 ' I shouldn't think of contradicting you, my 
 dear fellow,' I hastened to say. 
 
 ' Let's sit down,' said he, ' and watch the 
 people driving. We may see somebody some- 
 body we know, you know, Sam.' 
 
 ' So we may,' said I, and we sat down. 
 
 'A fellow,' pursued George, with knitted 
 brows, ' is all turned upside-down, don't you 
 know ? ' 
 
 ' How very peculiar ! ' I exclaimed. 
 
STRANGE, BUT TRUE. 67 
 
 ' One moment he's the happiest dog in the 
 world, and the next well, the next, it's the 
 deuce.' 
 
 ' But,' I objected, ' not surely without good 
 reason for such a change ? ' 
 
 ' Reason ? Bosh ! The least thing does it.' 
 
 I flicked the ash from my cigar. 
 
 ' It may,' I remarked, ' affect you in this 
 extraordinary way, but surely it is not so with 
 most people ? ' 
 
 ' Perhaps not/ George conceded. ' Most 
 people are cold-blooded asses.' 
 
 ' Very likely the explanation lies in that fact,' 
 said I. 
 
 ' I didn't mean you, old chap,' said George, 
 with a penitence which showed that he had 
 meant me. 
 
 ' Oh, all right, all right,' said I. 
 
 ' But when a man's really far gone, there's 
 nothing else in the world but it.' 
 
 'That seems to me not to be a healthy 
 condition/ said I. 
 
 ' Healthy ? Oh, you old idiot, Sam ! Who's 
 talking of health? Now, only last night I met 
 her at a dance. I had five dances with her 
 talked to her half the evening, in fact. Well, 
 you'd think that would last some time, wouldn't 
 you?' 
 
 ' I should certainly have supposed so/ I 
 assented. 
 
 ' So it would with most chaps, I daresay, but 
 with me confound it, I feel as if I hadn't seen 
 her for six months ! ' 
 
68 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' But, my dear George, that is surely rather 
 absurd ? As you tell me, you spent a long 
 
 while with the young person ' 
 
 ' The young person ! ' 
 
 ' You've not told me her name, you see. 1 
 
 ' No, and I sha'n't. I wonder if she'll be at 
 the Musgraves' to-night ! ' 
 
 ' You're sure/ said I soothingly, ' to meet her 
 somewhere in the course of the next few weeks.' 
 
 George looked at me. Then he observed 
 with a bitter laugh, 
 
 ' It's pretty evident you've never had it. 
 You're as bad as those chaps who write books.' 
 
 'Well, but surely they often describe with 
 sufficient warmth and er colour 
 
 ' Oh, I daresay ; but it's all wrong. At least, 
 it's not what / feel. Then look at the girls in 
 books ! All beasts I " 
 
 George spoke with much vehemence ; so that 
 I was led to say, 
 
 ' The lady you are preoccupied with is, I 
 suppose, handsome?' 
 
 George turned swiftly round on me. 
 
 ' Look here, can you hold your tongue, Sam ? ' 
 
 I nodded. 
 
 ' Then I'm hanged if I won't point her out to 
 you ! ' 
 
 ' That's uncommon good of you, George,' 
 said I. 
 
 ' Then you'll see,' continued George. ' But 
 its not only her looks, you know, she's the 
 most ' 
 
 He stopped. Looking round to see why, I 
 
STRANGE, BUT TRUE. 69 
 
 observed that his face was red ; he clutched his 
 walking-stick tightly in his left hand ; his right 
 hand was trembling, as if it wanted to jump up 
 to his hat. ' Here she comes ! Look, look ! ' 
 he whispered. 
 
 Directing my eyes towards the lines of 
 carriages which rolled past us, I observed a girl 
 in a victoria ; by her side sat a portly lady of 
 middle age. The girl was decidedly like the 
 lady ; a description of the lady would not, I 
 imagine, be interesting. The girl blushed slightly 
 and bowed. George and I lifted our hats. The 
 victoria and its occupants were gone. George 
 leant back with a sigh. After a moment, he 
 said, 
 
 ' Well, that was her.' 
 
 There was expectancy in his tone. 
 
 ' She has an extremely prepossessing appear- 
 ance,' I observed. 
 
 ' There isn't,' said George, ' a girl in London 
 to touch her. Sam, old boy, I believe I believe 
 she likes me a bit.' 
 
 ' I'm sure she must, George,' said I ; and 
 indeed, I thought so. 
 
 ' The Governor's infernally unreasonable,' said 
 George fretfully. 
 
 ' Oh, you've mentioned it to him ? ' 
 
 ' I sounded him. Oh, you may be sure he 
 didn't see what I was up to. I put it quite 
 generally. He talked rot about getting on in 
 the world. Who wants to get on ? ' 
 
 ' Who, indeed? ' said I. ' It is only changing 
 what you are for something no better.' 
 
70 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' And about waiting till I know my own mind. 
 Isn't it enough to look at her ? ' 
 
 'Ample, in my opinion,' said I. 
 
 George rose to his feet. 
 
 ' They've gone to a party ; they won't come 
 round again,' said he. ' We may as well go, 
 mayn't we?' 
 
 I was very comfortable ; so I said timidly, 
 
 ' We might see somebody else we know.' 
 
 ' Oh, somebody else be hanged ! Who wants 
 to see 'em ? ' 
 
 ' I'm sure I don't,' said I hastily, as I rose from 
 my armchair, which was at once snapped up. 
 
 We were about to return to the club, when I 
 observed Lady Mickleham's barouche standing 
 under the trees. I invited George to come and 
 be introduced. 
 
 He displayed great indifference. 
 
 ' She gives a good many parties," said I ; ' and 
 perhaps ' 
 
 1 By Jove ! yes. I may as well,' said George. 
 ' Glad you had the sense to think of that, old 
 man.' 
 
 So I took him up to Dolly and presented him. 
 Dolly was very gracious : George is an eminently 
 presentable boy. We fell into conversation. 
 
 ' My cousin, Lady Mickleham,' said I, ' has 
 been telling me ' 
 
 ' Oh, shut up, Sam ! ' said George, not, how- 
 ever, appearing very angry. 
 
 ' About a subject on which you can assist him 
 more than I can, inasmuch as you are married. 
 He is in love.' 
 
STRANGE, BUT TRUE. 71 
 
 Dolly glanced at George. 
 
 ' Oh, what fun ! ' said she. 
 
 ' Fun ! ' cried George. 
 
 ' I mean, how awfully interesting,' said Dolly, 
 suddenly transforming her expression. 
 
 ' And he wanted to be introduced to you 
 because you might ask her and him to ' 
 
 George became red, and began to stammer an 
 apology. 
 
 ' Oh, I don't believe him,' said Dolly kindly ; 
 ' he always makes people uncomfortable if he 
 can. What were you telling him, Mr. George ? ' 
 
 ' It's no use telling him anything. He can't 
 understand,' said George. 
 
 ' Is she very ? ' asked Dolly, fixing doubt- 
 fully grave eyes on my young cousin. 
 
 ' Sam's seen her,' said he, in an access of 
 shyness. 
 
 Dolly turned to me for an opinion, and I gave 
 one. 
 
 ' She is just,' said I, ' as charming as he thinks 
 her.' 
 
 Dolly leant over to my cousin, and whispered, 
 ' Tell me her name.' And he whispered some- 
 thing back to Dolly. 
 
 ' It's awfully kind of you, Lady Mickleham,' 
 he said. 
 
 ' I am a kind old thing,' said Dolly, all over 
 dimples. ' I can easily get to know them.' 
 
 ' Oh, you really are awfully kind, Lady 
 Mickleham.' 
 
 Dolly smiled upon him, waved her hand to 
 me, and drove off, crying, 
 
72 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' Do try to make Mr. Carter understand ! ' 
 
 We were left alone. George wore a medita- 
 tive smile. Presently he roused himself to 
 say 
 
 ' She's really a very kind woman. She's so 
 sympathetic. She's not like you. I expect she 
 felt it once herself, you know.' 
 
 ' One can never tell,' said I carelessly. ' Per- 
 haps she did once.' 
 
 George fell to brooding again. I thought I 
 would try an experiment. 
 
 ' Not altogether' bad-looking, either, is she ? ' 
 I asked, lighting a cigarette. 
 
 George started. 
 
 ' What ? Oh, well, I don't know. I suppose 
 some people might think so.' 
 
 He paused, and added, with a bashful, knowing 
 smile, 
 
 ' You can hardly expect me to go into raptures 
 about her, can you, old man ? ' 
 
 I turned my head away, but he caught me. 
 
 1 Oh, you needn't smile in that infernally 
 patronising way,' he cried angrily. 
 
 ' Upon my word, George/ said I, ' I don't 
 know that I need." 
 
XI 
 
 THE VERY LATEST THING. 
 
 ' T T'S the very latest thing,' said Lady 
 .1 Mickleham, standing by the table in the 
 smoking-room, and holding an album in her 
 hand. 
 
 ' I wish it had been a little later still,' said I, 
 for I felt embarrassed. 
 
 ' You promise, on your honour, to be absolutely 
 sincere, you know, and then you write what you 
 think of me. See what a lot of opinions I've 
 got already,' and she held up the thick album. 
 
 ' It would be extremely interesting to read 
 them,' I observed. 
 
 ' Oh ! but they're quite confidential,' said 
 Dolly. ' That's part of the fun.' 
 
 ' I don't appreciate that part,' said I. 
 
 1 Perhaps you will when you've written yours,' 
 suggested Lady Mickleham. 
 
 ' Meanwhile, mayn't I see the Dowager's ? ' 
 
 'Well, I'll show you a little bit of the 
 Dowager's. Look here, " Our dear Dorothea 
 is still perhaps just a thought wanting in serious- 
 ness, but the sense of her position is having a 
 sobering effect." ' 
 
 73 
 
74 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' I hope not,' I exclaimed apprehensively. 
 ' Whose is this ? ' 
 
 ' Archie's.' 
 
 ' May I see a bit ? ' 
 
 ' Not a bit,' said Dolly. ' Archie's is is rather 
 foolish, Mr. Carter.' 
 
 ' So I suppose,' said I. 
 
 ' Dear boy ! ' said Dolly reflectively. 
 
 ' I hate sentiment/ said I. ' Here's a long 
 one. Who wrote ? ' 
 
 ' Oh, you mustn't look at that not at that, 
 above all ! ' 
 
 ' Why above all ? ' I asked with some severity. 
 
 ' Dolly smiled ; then she observed in a sooth- 
 ing tone, 
 
 ' Perhaps it won't be " above all " when you've 
 written yours, Mr. Carter.' 
 
 ' By the way,' I said carelessly, ' I suppose 
 Archie sees all of them ? ' 
 
 ' He has never asked to see them,' answered 
 Lady Mickleham. 
 
 The reply seemed satisfactory ; of course, 
 Archie had only to ask. I took a clean quill 
 and prepared to write. 
 
 ' You promise to be sincere, you know,' Dolly 
 reminded me. 
 
 I laid down my pen. 
 
 ' Impossible ! ' said I firmly. 
 
 1 Oh, but why, Mr. Carter ? ' 
 
 ' There would be an end of our friendship.' 
 
 ' Do you think as badly of me as all that ? ' 
 asked Dolly with a rueful air. 
 
 I leant back in my chair and looked at Dolly. 
 
THE VERY LATEST THING. 75 
 
 She looked at me. She smiled. I may have 
 smiled. 
 
 'Yes,' said I. 
 
 ' Then you needn't write it quite all down,' 
 said Dolly. 
 
 ' I am obliged,' said I, taking up my pen. 
 
 ' You mustn't say what isn't true, but you 
 needn't say everything that is that might be 
 true,' explained Dolly. 
 
 This, again, seemed satisfactory. I began to 
 write, Dolly sitting opposite me with her elbows 
 on the table, and watching me. 
 
 After ten minutes' steady work, which included 
 several pauses for reflection, I threw down the 
 pen, leant back in my chair, and lit a cigarette. 
 
 ' Now read it,' said Dolly, her chin in her 
 hands and her eyes fixed on me. 
 
 'It is, on the whole,' I observed, ' complimen- 
 tary.' 
 
 ' No, really ? ' said Dolly. ' Yet you promised 
 to be sincere.' 
 
 ' You would not have had me disagreeable ? ' 
 I asked. 
 
 ' That's a different thing,' said Dolly. ' Read 
 it, please.' 
 
 ' " Lady Mickleham," ' I read, ' " is usually ac- 
 counted a person of considerable attractions. 
 She is widely popular, and more than one 
 woman has been known to like her." ' 
 
 ' I don't quite understand that,' interrupted 
 Dolly. 
 
 ' It is surely simple,' said I ; and I read on 
 without delay. ' " She is kind even to her 
 
76 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 husband, and takes the utmost pains to conceal 
 from her mother-in-law anything calculated to 
 distress that lady.'" 
 
 ' I suppose you mean that to be nice ? ' said 
 Dolly. 
 
 ' Of course,' I answered ; and I proceeded. 
 ' " She never gives pain to any one, except with 
 the object of giving pleasure to somebody else, 
 and her kindness is no less widely diffused than 
 it is hearty and sincere." ' 
 
 ' That really is nice,' said Dolly, smiling. 
 ' Thank you,' said I, smiling also. ' " She is 
 very charitable : she takes a pleasure in encourag- 
 ing the shy and bashful " ' 
 
 ' How do you know that ? ' asked Dolly. 
 ' " While," ' I pursued, ' " suffering without 
 impatience a considerable amount of self-assur- 
 ance." ' 
 
 'You can't know whether I'm patient or not,' 
 remarked Dolly. ' I'm polite.' 
 
 1 " She thinks," ' I read on, ' " no evil of the 
 most attractive of women and has a smile for 
 the most unattractive of men." ' 
 
 'You put that very nicely,' said Dolly, 
 nodding. 
 
 ' " The former may constantly be seen in her 
 house and the latter at least as often as many 
 people would think desirable." ' (Here for some 
 reason Dolly laughed). ' " Her intellectual 
 powers are not despicable. " 
 ' Thank you, Mr. Carter.' 
 '"She can say what she means on the occasions 
 on which she wishes to do so, and she is, at 
 
THE VERY LATEST THING. 77 
 
 other times, equally capable of meaning much 
 more than she would be likely to say." ' 
 
 ' How do you mean that, Mr. Carter, please ? ' 
 ' It explains itself,' said I, and I proceeded. 
 ' " The fact of her receiving a remark with dis- 
 approbation does not necessarily mean that it 
 causes her displeasure, nor must it be assumed 
 that she did not expect a visitor, merely on the 
 ground that she greets him with surprise." ' 
 
 Here I observed Lady Mickleham looking at 
 me rather suspiciously. 
 
 ' I don't think that's quite nice of you, Mr. 
 Carter,' she said pathetically. 
 
 ' " Lady Mickleham is, in short," ' I went on, 
 coming to my peroration, ' " equally deserving of 
 
 esteem and affection " ' 
 
 ' " Esteem and affection ! " That sounds just 
 right,' said Dolly approvingly. 
 
 ' " And those who have been admitted to the 
 enjoyment of her friendship are unanimous in 
 discouraging all others from seeking a similar 
 privilege." ' 
 
 ' I beg your pardon ? ' cried Lady Mickleham. 
 ' " Are unanimous," ' I repeated, slowly and 
 distinctly, ' " in discouraging all others from 
 seeking a similar privilege."' 
 
 Dolly looked at me, with her brow slightly 
 puckered. I leant back, purring at my cigarette. 
 Presently for there was quite a long pause 
 Dolly's lips curved. 
 
 ' My mental powers are not despicable,' she 
 observed. 
 
 ' I have said so,' said I. 
 
78 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' I think I see,' she remarked. 
 
 ' Is there anything wrong? ' I asked anxiously. 
 
 ' N-no,' said Dolly, ' not exactly wrong. In 
 fact, I rather think I like that last bit best. 
 Still, don't you think ? ' 
 
 She rose, came round the table, took up the 
 pen, and put it back in my hand. 
 
 'What's this for?' I asked. 
 
 ' To correct the mistake,' said Dolly. 
 
 ' Do you really think so ? ' said I. 
 
 ' I'm afraid so,' said Dolly. 
 
 I took the pen and made a certain alteration. 
 Dolly took up the album. ' " Are unanimous," ' 
 she read, ' " in encouraging all others to seek a 
 similar privilege." Yes, you meant that, you 
 know, Mr. Carter.' 
 
 ' I suppose I must have,' said I, rather sulkily. 
 
 ' The other was nonsense,' urged Dolly. 
 
 ' Oh, utter nonsense,' said I. 
 
 ' And you had to write the truth ! ' 
 
 ' Yes, I had to write some of it.' 
 
 ' And nonsense can't be the truth, can it, Mr. 
 Carter?' 
 
 ' Of course it can't, Lady Mickleham.' 
 
 'Where are you going, Mr. Carter?' she 
 asked ; for I rose from my chair. 
 
 ' To have a quiet smoke,' said I. 
 
 ' Alone ? ' asked Dolly. 
 
 ' Yes, alone,' said I. 
 
 I walked towards the door. Dolly stood by 
 the table fingering the album. I had almost 
 reached the door ; then I happened to look 
 round. 
 
THE VERY LATEST THING. 79 
 
 ' Mr. Carter ! ' said Dolly, as though a new 
 idea had struck her. 
 
 ' What is it, Lady Mickleham ? ' 
 
 'Well, you know, Mr. Carter, I I shall try 
 to forget that mistake of yours.' 
 
 ' You're very kind, Lady Mickleham.' 
 
 ' But,' said Dolly, with a troubled smile, ' I 
 I'm quite afraid I sha'n't succeed, Mr. Carter.' 
 
 After all, the smoking-room is meant for 
 smoking. 
 
XII. 
 
 AN UNCOUNTED HOUR. 
 
 WE were standing, Lady Mickleham and I, 
 at a door which led from the morning- 
 room to the terrace at The Towers. I was on 
 a visit to that historic pile (by Vanbrugh out 
 of the money accumulated by the third Earl 
 Paymaster to the Forces temp. Queen Anne). 
 The morning-room is a large room. Archie 
 was somewhere in it. Lady Mickleham held a 
 jar containing patt de foie gras ; from time to 
 time she dug a piece out with a fork and flung 
 the morsel to a big retriever which was sitting 
 on the terrace. The morning was fine, but 
 cloudy. Lady Mickleham wore blue. The dog 
 swallowed the pdtf with greediness. 
 
 ' It's so bad for him,' sighed she ; ' but the 
 dear likes it so much.' 
 
 ' How human the creatures are ! ' said I. 
 'Do you know/ pursued Lady Mickleham, 
 ' that the Dowager says I'm extravagant. She 
 'thinks dogs ought not to be fed on pdtt de foie 
 gnu.' 
 
 ' Your extravagance,' I observed, ' is probably 
 80 
 
AN UNCOUNTED HOUR. 81 
 
 due to your having been brought up on a 
 moderate income. I have felt the effect myself.' 
 ' Of course,' said Dolly, ' we are hit by the 
 agricultural depression.' 
 
 'The Carters also,' I murmured, 'are landed 
 gentry.' 
 
 ' After all, I don't see much point in economy, 
 do you, Mr. Carter ? ' 
 
 ' Economy,' I remarked, putting my hands in 
 my pockets, ' is going without something you do 
 want in case you should, some day, want some- 
 thing which you probably won't want.' 
 
 ' Isn't that clever ? ' asked Dolly in an appre- 
 hensive tone. 
 
 ' Oh, dear no,' I answered reassuringly. ' Any- 
 body can do that if they care to try, you 
 know." 
 
 Dolly tossed a piece of pate to the retriever. 
 
 ' I have made a discovery lately,' I observed. 
 
 'What are you two talking about?' called 
 Archie. 
 
 ' You're not meant to hear,' said Dolly, without 
 turning round. 
 
 ' Yet, if it's a discovery, he ought to hear it.' 
 
 ' He's made a good many lately,' said Dolly. 
 
 She dug out the last bit of pate, flung it to 
 the dog, and handed the empty pot to me. 
 
 ' Don't be so allegorical,' I implored. ' Besides, 
 it's really not just to Archie. No doubt the dog 
 is a nice one, but ' 
 
 ' How foolish you are this morning ! What's 
 the discovery?' 
 
 ' An entirely surprising one.' 
 
 6 
 
82 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' Oh, but let me hear ! It's nothing about 
 Archie, is it?' 
 
 ' No. I've told you all Archie's sins.' 
 
 ' Nor Mrs. Hilary ? I wish it was Mrs. Hilary ! ' 
 
 ' Shall we walk on the terrace ? ' I suggested. 
 
 ' Oh, yes, let's,' said Dolly, stepping out, and 
 putting on a broad-brimmed, low-crowned hat, 
 which she caught up from a chair hard by. ' It 
 isn't Mrs. Hilary?' she added, sitting down on 
 a garden seat. 
 
 ' No,' said I, leaning on a sun-dial which stood 
 by the seat. 
 
 'Well, what is it?' 
 
 ' It is simple,' said I, 'and serious. It is not, 
 therefore, like you, Lady Mickleham.' 
 
 ' It's like Mrs. Hilary,' said Dolly. 
 
 ' No ; because it isn't pleasant. By the way, 
 are you jealous of Mrs. Hilary?' 
 
 Dolly said nothing at all. She took off her 
 hat, roughened her hair a little, and assumed an 
 effective pose. Still, it is a fact (for what it is 
 worth) that she doesn't care much about Mrs. 
 Hilary. 
 
 'The discovery,' I continued, 'is that I'm 
 growing middle-aged.' 
 
 'You are middle-aged,' said Dolly, spearing 
 her hat with its long pin. 
 
 I was, very naturally, nettled at this. 
 
 ' So will you be soon,' I retorted. 
 
 ' Not soon,' said Dolly. 
 
 'Some day, 1 insisted. 
 
 After a pause of about half a minute Dolly 
 said, ' I suppose so.' 
 
AN UNCOUNTED HOUR. 83 
 
 ' You will become,' I pursued, idly drawing 
 patterns with my finger on the sun-dial, 'wrinkled, 
 rough, fat and, perhaps, good.' 
 
 'You're very disagreeable to-day,' said 
 Dolly. 
 
 She rose and stood by me, 
 
 ' What do the mottoes mean ? ' she asked. 
 
 There were two : I will not say they contra- 
 dicted one another, but they looked at life from 
 different points of view. 
 
 ' Pereunt et imputantur^ I read. 
 
 ' Well, what's that, Mr. Carter ? ' 
 
 ' A trite, but offensive, assertion,' said I, 
 lighting a cigarette. 
 
 ' But what does it mean ? ' she asked, a pucker 
 on her forehead. 
 
 ' What does it matter ? ' said I. ' Let's try 
 the other.' 
 
 ' The other is longer.' 
 
 ' And better. Horas non numero nisi Serenas' 
 
 ' And what's that ? ' 
 
 I translated literally. Dolly clapped her 
 hands, and her face gleamed with smiles. 
 
 ' I like that one ! ' she cried. 
 
 ' Stop ! ' said I imperatively. ' You'll set it 
 moving ! ' 
 
 ' It's very sensible,' said she. 
 
 ' More freely rendered, it means " I live only 
 when you " : 
 
 ' By Jove ! ' remarked Archie, coming up be- 
 hind us, pipe in mouth, 'there was a lot of 
 rain last night. I've just measured it in the 
 gauge.' 
 
84 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 'Some people measure everything,' said I, 
 with a displeased air. 'It is a detestable 
 habit.' 
 
 ' Archie, what does Pereunt et imputantur 
 mean ? ' 
 
 ' Eh ? Oh, I see. Well, I say, Carter ! Oh, 
 well, you know, I suppose it means you've got 
 to pay for your fun, doesn't it?' 
 
 ' Oh, is that all ? I was afraid it was something 
 horrid. Why did you frighten me, Mr. Carter?' 
 
 ' I think it is rather horrid,' said I. 
 
 'Why, it isn't even true,' said Dolly scorn- 
 fully. 
 
 Now when I heard this ancient and respect- 
 able legend thus cavalierly challenged, I fell to 
 studying it again, and presently exclaimed, 
 
 ' Yes, you're right ! If it said that, it wouldn't 
 be true ; but Archie translated wrong.' 
 
 ' Well, you have a shot,' suggested Archie. 
 
 ' The oysters are eaten and put down in the 
 bill,' said I. ' And you will observe, Archie, 
 that it does not say in whose bill.' 
 
 'Ah! 'said Dolly. 
 
 ' Well, somebody's got to pay,' persisted 
 Archie. 
 
 ' Oh, yes, somebody,' laughed Dolly. 
 
 ' Well, I don't know,' said Archie. ' I suppose 
 the chap that has the fun ' 
 
 ' It's not always a chap,' observed Dolly. 
 
 4 Well, then, the individual,' amended Archie 
 ' I suppose he'd have to pay.' 
 
 ' It doesn't say so,' I remarked mildly. ' And 
 according to my small experience ' 
 
AN UNCOUNTED HOUR. 85 
 
 ' I'm quite sure your meaning is right, Mr. 
 Carter/ said Dolly, in an authoritative tone. 
 
 ' As for the other motto, Archie,' said I, ' it 
 merely means that a woman considers all hours 
 wasted which she does not spend in the society 
 of her husband.' 
 
 ' Oh, come, you don't gammon me,' said 
 Archie. ' It means that the sun don't shine 
 unless it's fine, you know.' 
 
 Archie delivered this remarkable discovery in 
 a tone of great self-satisfaction. 
 
 ' Oh, you dear old thing ! ' said Dolly. 
 
 ' Well, it does, you know,' said he. 
 
 There was a pause. Archie kissed his wife 
 (I am not complaining ; he has, of course, a 
 perfect right to kiss his wife) and strolled away 
 towards the hot-houses. 
 
 I lit another cigarette. Then Dolly, pointing 
 to the stem of the dial, cried, 
 
 ' Why, here's another inscription oh, and in 
 English ! ' 
 
 She was right. There was another carelessly 
 scratched on the old battered column nearly 
 effaced, for the characters had been but lightly 
 marked ; and yet not, as I conceived from the 
 tenor of the words, very old. 
 
 ' What is it ? ' asked Dolly, peering over 
 my shoulder, as I bent down to read the letters, 
 and shading her eyes with her hand. (W T hy 
 didn't she put on her hat? We touch the 
 I incomprehensible.) 
 
 ' It is/ said I, ' a singularly poor, shallow, 
 feeble, and undesirable little verse/ 
 
86 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' Read it out/ said Dolly. 
 
 So I read it. The silly fellow had written : 
 
 Life is Love, the poets tell us 
 
 In the little books they sell us ; 
 
 But pray, ma'am what's of Life the use, 
 
 If Life be Love ? For Love's the Deuce. 
 
 Dolly began to laugh gently, digging the 
 pin again into her hat 
 
 ' I wonder/ said she, ' whether they used to 
 come and sit by this old dial just as we did this 
 morning ! ' 
 
 ' I shouldn't be at all surprised/ said I. ' And 
 another point occurs to me, Lady Mickleham.' 
 
 ' Oh, does it ? What's that, Mr. Carter ? ' 
 
 ' Do you think that anybody measured the 
 rain-gauge ? ' 
 
 Dolly looked at me very gravely. 
 
 ' I'm so sorry when you do that/ said she 
 pathetically. 
 
 I smiled. 
 
 ' I really am/ said Dolly. ' But you don't 
 mean it, do you ? ' 
 
 ' Certainly not/ said I. 
 
 Dolly smiled. 
 
 1 No more than he did ! ' said I, pointing to 
 the sun-dial. 
 
 And then we both smiled. 
 
 ' Will this hour count, Mr. Carter ? ' asked 
 Dolly, as she turned away. 
 
 ' That would be rather strict/ said I. 
 
XIII. 
 
 A REMINISCENCE. 
 
 ' T KNOW exactly what your mother wants, 
 J. Phyllis,' observed Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' It's just to teach them the ordinary things,' 
 said little Miss Phyllis. 
 
 ' What are the ordinary things ? ' I ventured 
 to ask. 
 
 'What all girls are taught, of course, Mr. 
 Carter,' said Mrs. Hilary. ' I'll write about it at 
 once.' And she looked at me as if she thought 
 that I might be about to go. 
 
 o o 
 
 ' It is a comprehensive curriculum,' I remarked, 
 crossing my legs, ' if one may judge from results. 
 How old are your younger sisters, Miss Phyllis?" 
 
 ' Fourteen and sixteen,' she answered. 
 
 'It is a pity,' said I, ' that this didn't happen 
 a little while back. I knew a governess who 
 would have suited the place to a " t ".' 
 
 Mrs. Hilary smiled scornfully. 
 
 ' We used to meet,' I continued. 
 
 ' Who used to meet ? ' asked Miss Phyllis. 
 
 ' The governess and myself, to be sure,' said I, 
 ' under the old apple-tree in the garden at the 
 back of the house.' 
 
 87 
 
88 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' What house, Mr. Carter ? ' 
 
 ' My father's house, of course, Miss Phyllis. 
 And ' 
 
 ' Oh, but that must be ages ago ! ' cried she. 
 
 Mrs. Hilary rose, cast one glance at me, and 
 turned to the writing-table. Her pen began to 
 scratch almost immediately. 
 
 ' And under the apple-tree,' I pursued, ' we 
 had many pleasant conversations.' 
 
 ' What about ? ' asked Miss Phyllis. 
 
 ' One thing and another,' I returned. ' The 
 schoolroom windows looked out that way a 
 circumstance which made matters more comfort- 
 able for everybody.' 
 
 ' I should have thought ' began Miss 
 
 Phyllis, smiling slightly, but keeping an appre- 
 hensive eye on Mrs. Hilary's back. 
 
 ' Not at all,' I interrupted. ' My sisters saw 
 us, you see. Well, of course they entertained an 
 increased respect for me, which was all right, 
 and a decreased respect for the governess, which 
 was also all right. We met in the hour allotted 
 to French lessons by an undesigned but appro- 
 priate coincidence.' 
 
 ' I shall say about thirty-five, Phyllis,' called 
 Mrs. Hilary from the writing-table. 
 
 ' Yes, Cousin Mary,' called Miss Phyllis. 
 ' Did you meet often, Mr. Carter ? ' 
 
 ' Every evening in the French hour,' said I. 
 
 ' She'll have got over any nonsense by 
 then,' called Mrs. Hilary. ' They're often full 
 of it 1 
 
 1 She had remarkably pretty hair,' I continued ; 
 
A REMINISCENCE. 89 
 
 ' very soft it was. Dear me ! I was just 
 twenty.' 
 
 ' How old was she ? ' asked Miss Phyllis. 
 
 ' One's first love/ said I, ' is never any age. 
 Everything went very well. Happiness was im- 
 possible. I was heart-broken, and the governess 
 was far from happy. Ah, happy, happy times.' 
 
 'But you don't seem to have been happy,' 
 objected Miss Phyllis. 
 
 ' Then came a terrible evening ' 
 
 ' She ought to be a person of active habits, 1 
 called Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' I think so, yes, Cousin Mary. Oh, what 
 happened, Mr. Carter ? ' 
 
 ' And an early riser,' added Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 'Yes, Cousin Mary. What did happen, Mr. 
 Carter ? ' 
 
 ' My mother came in during the French hour. 
 I don't know whether you have observed, Miss 
 Phyllis, how easy it is to slip into the habit of 
 entering rooms when you had better remain 
 outside. Now, even my friend Arch How- 
 ever, that's neither here nor there. My mother, 
 as I say, came in.' 
 
 ' Church of England, of course, Phyllis ? ' 
 called Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' Oh, of course, Cousin Mary,' cried little Miss 
 Phyllis. 
 
 'The sect makes no difference,' I observed. 
 ' Well, my sisters, like good girls, began to 
 repeat the irregular verbs. But it was no use. 
 We were discovered. That night, Miss Phyllis, 
 I nearly drowned myself.' 
 
9 o THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 1 You must have been Oh, how awful, Mr. 
 
 Carter ! ' 
 
 'That is to say, I thought how effective it 
 would be if I drowned myself. Ah, well, it 
 couldn't last ! ' 
 
 ' And the governess ? ' 
 
 ' She left next morning.' 
 
 There was a pause. Miss Phyllis looked sad 
 and thoughtful : I smiled pensively and beat my 
 cane against my leg. 
 
 ' Have you ever seen her since ? ' asked Miss 
 Phyllis. 
 
 'No.' 
 
 'Shouldn't shouldn't you like to, Mr. Carter?' 
 
 ' Heaven forbid ! ' said I. 
 
 Suddenly Mrs. Hilary pushed back her chair, 
 and turned round to us. 
 
 ' Well, I declare,' said she, ' I must be growing 
 stupid. Here have I been writing to the 
 Agency, when I know of the very thing myself! 
 The Polwheedles' governess is just leaving 
 them ; she's been there over fifteen years. 
 Lady Polwheedle told me she was a treasure. I 
 wonder if she'd go ! ' 
 
 ' Is she what mamma wants ? ' 
 
 ' My dear, you'll be most lucky to get her. 
 I'll write at once and ask her to come to lunch 
 to-morrow. I met her there. She's an admir- 
 able person.' 
 
 Mrs. Hilary wheeled round again. I shook 
 my head at Miss Phyllis. 
 
 ' Poor children ! ' said I. ' Manage a bit of 
 fun for them sometimes.' 
 
A REMINISCENCE. 91 
 
 Miss Phyllis assumed a staid and virtuous 
 air. 
 
 ' They must be properly brought up, Mr. 
 Carter/ said she. 
 
 ' Is there a house opposite ? ' I asked ; and 
 Miss Phyllis blushed. Mrs. Hilary advanced, 
 holding out a letter. 
 
 ' You may as well post this for me,' said she. 
 ' Oh, and would you like to come to lunch 
 to-morrow ? ' 
 
 ' To meet the Paragon ? ' 
 
 ' No. She'll be there, of course ; but you see 
 it's Saturday, and Hilary will be here ; and I 
 thought you might take him off somewhere and 
 leave Phyllis and me to have a quiet talk with 
 her.' 
 
 ' That won't amuse her much,' I ventured to 
 remark. 
 
 ' She's not coming to be amused,' said Mrs. 
 Hilary severely. 
 
 'All right ; I'll come,' said I, taking my hat. 
 
 ' Here's the note for Miss Bannerman,' said 
 Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 That sort of thing never surprises me. I 
 looked at the letter and read ' Miss M. E. 
 Bannerman.' ' M. E.' stood for ' Maud Elizabeth.' 
 I put my hat back on the table. 
 
 'What sort of a looking person is this Miss 
 Bannerman ? ' I asked. 
 
 ' Oh, a spare, upright woman hair a little 
 grey, and I don't know how to describe it her 
 face looks a little weather-beaten. She wears 
 glasses.' 
 
92 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 'Thank you, 1 said I. 'And what sort of a 
 looking person am I ? ' 
 
 Mrs. Hilary looked scornful. Miss Phyllis 
 opened her eyes. 
 
 ' How old do I look, Miss Phyllis ? ' I asked. 
 
 Miss Phyllis scanned me from top to toe. 
 
 ' I don't know,' she said uncomfortably. 
 
 ' Guess,' said I sternly. 
 
 ' F-forty-three oh, or forty-two ? ' she asked, 
 with a timid upward glance. 
 
 ' When you've done your nonsense ' began 
 
 Mrs. Hilary ; but I laid a hand on her arm. 
 
 ' Should you call me fat ? ' I asked. 
 
 ' Oh, no, not fat} said Mrs. Hilary, with a 
 smile, which she strove to render reassuring. 
 
 ' I am undoubtedly bald,' I observed. 
 
 ' You're certainly bald,' said Mrs. Hilary, with 
 regretful candour. I took my hat and re- 
 marked, 
 
 ' A man has a right to think of himself, but 
 I am not thinking mainly of myself. I shall 
 not come to lunch.' 
 
 'You said you would,' cried Mrs. Hilary 
 indignantly. 
 
 I poised the letter in my hand, reading again, 
 ' Miss M(aud) E(lizabeth) Bannerman.' Miss 
 Phyllis looked at me curiously, Mrs. Hilary 
 impatiently. 
 
 ' Who knows," said I, ' that I may not be 
 a Romance a Vanished Dream a Green 
 Memory an Oasis? A person who has the 
 fortune to be an Oasis, Miss Phyllis, should be 
 very careful. I will not come to lunch.' 
 
A REMINISCENCE. 93 
 
 ' Do you mean that you used to know Miss 
 Bannerman ? ' asked Mrs. Hilary in her plea- 
 sant prosaic way. 
 
 It was a sin seventeen years old : it would 
 hardly count against the blameless Miss 
 Bannerman now. 
 
 ' You may tell her when I'm gone/ said I to 
 Miss Phyllis. 
 
 Miss Phyllis whispered in Mrs. Hilary's ear. 
 
 ' Another ! ' cried Mrs. Hilary, aghast. 
 
 ' It was the very first,' said I, defending 
 myself. 
 
 Mrs. Hilary began to laugh. I smoothed my 
 hat. 
 
 ' Tell her,' said I, ' that I remembered her 
 very well.' 
 
 ' I shall do no such thing,' said Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' And tell her,' I continued, ' that I am still 
 handsome.' 
 
 ' I sha'n't say a word about you,' said Mrs. 
 Hilary. 
 
 ' Ah, well, that will be better still,' said I. 
 
 'She'll have forgotten your very name 
 remarked Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 I opened the door, but a thought struck me. 
 I turned round and observed, 
 
 ' I daresay her hair's just as soft as ever. 
 Still I'll lunch some other day.' 
 
XIV. 
 
 A FINE DAY. 
 
 I SEE nothing whatever to laugh at,' said 
 Mrs. Hilary coldly, when I had finished. 
 
 ' I did not ask you to laugh,' I observed 
 mildly. ' I mentioned it merely as a typical 
 case.' 
 
 ' It's not typical,' she said, and took up her 
 embroidery. But a moment later she added, 
 
 ' Poor boy ! I'm not surprised ! ' 
 
 ' I'm not surprised either,' I remarked. ' It 
 is, however, extremely deplorable.' 
 
 ' It's your own fault. Why did you introduce 
 him?' 
 
 ' A book,' I observed, ' might be written on 
 the Injustice of the Just. How could I suppose 
 that he would ?' 
 
 By the way, I may as well state what he 
 that is, my young cousin George had done. 
 Unless one is a genius, it is best to aim at 
 being intelligible. 
 
 Well, he was in love ; and with a view of 
 providing him with another house at which he 
 might be likely to meet the adored object, I 
 presented him to my friend Lady Mickleham. 
 
 94 
 
A FINE DAY. 95 
 
 That was on a Tuesday. A fortnight later, as 
 I was sitting in Hyde Park (as I sometimes 
 do) George came up and took the chair next to 
 me. I gave him a cigarette, but made no 
 remark. George beat his cane restlessly against 
 the leg of his trousers. 
 
 ' I've got to go up to-morrow,' he remarked. 
 
 ' Ah, well, Oxford is a delightful town,' said I. 
 
 ' D d hole ! ' observed George. 
 
 I was about to contest this opinion when a 
 victoria drove by. 
 
 A girl sat in it, side by side with a portly 
 lady. 
 
 ' George, George ! ' I cried. ' There she is 
 Look ! ' 
 
 George looked, raised his hat with sufficient 
 politeness, and remarked to me, 
 
 ' Hang it, one sees those people everywhere.' 
 
 I am not easily surprised, but I confess I 
 turned to George with an expression of wonder. 
 
 ' A fortnight ago ' I began. 
 
 ' Don't be an ass, Sam,' said George, rather 
 
 sharply. 'She's not a bad girl, but ' He 
 
 broke off and began to whistle. 
 
 There was a long pause. I lit a cigar, and 
 looked at the people. 
 
 ' I lunched at the Micklehams' to-day,' said 
 George, drawing a figure on the gravel with his 
 cane. ' Mickleham's not a bad fellow.' 
 
 ' One of the best fellows alive,' I agreed. 
 
 ' I wonder why she married him, though,' 
 mused George ; and he added, with apparent 
 irrelevance, 'It's a dashed bore, going up.' And 
 
96 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 then a smile spread over his face ; a blush 
 accompanied it, and proclaimed George's sense 
 of delicious wickedness. I turned on him. 
 
 ' Out with it ! ' said I. 
 
 ' It's nothing. Don't be a fool ! ' said George. 
 
 ' Where did you get that rose ? ' I asked. 
 
 ' This rose ? ' he repeated, fondling the blossom. 
 ' It was given to me.' 
 
 Upon this I groaned and I still consider 
 that I had good reason for my action. It was 
 the groan of a moralist. 
 
 ' They've asked me to stay at The Towers 
 next vac.,' said George, glancing at me out of 
 the corner of an immoral eye. Perhaps he 
 thought it too immoral, for he added, ' It's all 
 right, Sam.' 
 
 I believe that I have as much self-control as 
 most people, but at this point I chuckled. 
 
 ' What the deuce are you laughing at ? ' asked 
 George. 
 
 I made no answer, and he went on, 
 
 'You never told me what a what she was 
 like, Sam. Wanted to keep it to yourself, you 
 old dog ! ' 
 
 'George George George!' said I. 'You 
 go up to-morrow ? ' 
 
 ' Yes, confound it ! ' 
 
 ' And term lasts two months ? ' 
 
 ' Yes hang it ! ' 
 
 ' All is well,' said I, crossing my legs. ' There 
 is more virtue in two months than in Ten Com- 
 mandments.' 
 
 George regarded me with a dispassionate air. 
 
A FINE DAY. 97 
 
 ' You're an awful ass sometimes,' he observed 
 critically, and he rose from his seat. 
 
 ' Must you go ? ' said I. 
 
 ' Yes got a lot of things to do. Look here, 
 Sam, don't go and talk about ' 
 
 ' Talk about what ? ' 
 
 ' Anything, you old idiot,' said George, with a 
 pleased smile, and he dug me in the ribs with 
 his cane, and departed. 
 
 I sat on, admiring the simple elements which 
 constitute the happiness of the young. Alas ! 
 with advancing years, Wrong loses half its 
 flavour ! To be improper ceases, by itself, to 
 satisfy. 
 
 Immersed in these reflections, I failed to 
 notice that a barouche had stopped opposite 
 to me ; and suddenly I found a footman ad- 
 dressing me. 
 
 ' Beg your pardon, sir,' he said. ' Her lady- 
 ship wishes to speak to you.' 
 
 ' It is a blessed thing to be young, Martin,' I 
 observed. 
 
 ' Yes, sir,' said Martin. ' It's a fine day, 
 sir.' 
 
 ' But very short,' said I. Martin is respectful, 
 and said nothing to me at least. What he 
 said to the coachman I don't know. 
 
 And then I went up to Dolly. 
 
 1 Get in and drive round,' suggested Dolly. 
 
 ' I can't,' said I. ' I have a bad nose.' 
 
 ' What's the matter with your nose ? ' asked 
 Dolly, smiling. 
 
 ' The joint is injured,' said I, getting into the 
 
 7 
 
9 8 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 barouche. And I added severely, ' I suppose 
 I'd better sit with my back to the horses ? ' 
 
 ' Oh, no, you're not my husband,' said Dolly. 
 ' Sit here ; ' and she made room by her, as she 
 continued, ' I rather like Mr. George.' 
 
 ' I'm ashamed of you,' I observed. ' Con- 
 sidering your age 
 
 'Mr. Carter!' 
 
 'Considering, I say, his age, your conduct is 
 scandalous. I shall never introduce any nice 
 boys to you again.' 
 
 ' Oh, please do,' said Dolly, clasping her hands. 
 
 'You give them roses,' said I, accusingly. 
 ' You make them false to their earliest loves 
 
 ' She was a pudding-faced thing, 1 observed 
 Dolly. 
 
 I frowned. Dolly, by an accident, allowed 
 the tip of her finger to touch my arm for an 
 instant. 
 
 ' He's a nice boy,' said she. ' How like he is 
 to you, Mr. Carter!' 
 
 ' I am a long way past that,' said I. ' I am 
 thirty-six.' 
 
 ' If you mean to be disagreeable ! ' said she, 
 turning away. ' I beg your pardon for touching 
 you, Mr. Carter.' 
 
 ' I did not notice it, Lady Mickleham.' 
 
 ' Would you like to get out ? ' 
 
 ' It's miles from my club,' said I discontentedly. 
 
 ' He's such fun,' said Dolly, with a sudden 
 smile. ' He told Archie that I was the most 
 charming woman in London ! You've never 
 done that! 
 
A FINE DAY. 99 
 
 ' He said the same about the pudding-faced 
 girl,' I observed. 
 
 There was a pause. Then Dolly asked, 
 
 ' How is your nose ? ' 
 
 ' The carriage-exercise is doing it good,' 
 said I. 
 
 ' If,' observed Dolly, ' he is so silly now, what 
 will he be at your age ? ' 
 
 1 A wise man,' said I. 
 
 ' He suggested that I might write to him,' 
 bubbled Dolly. 
 
 Now when Dolly bubbles an operation which 
 includes a sudden turn towards me, a dancing 
 of eyes, a dart of a small hand, a hurried rush 
 of words, checked and confused by a speedier 
 gust of gurgling sound I am in the habit of 
 ceasing to argue the question. Bubbling is not 
 to be met by arguing. I could only say, 
 
 ' He'll have forgotten by the end of the term.' 
 
 ' He'll remember two days later,' retorted 
 Dolly. 
 
 ' Stop the carriage,' said I. ' I shall tell Mrs. 
 Hilary all about it' 
 
 ' I won't stop the carriage,' said Dolly. ' I'm 
 going to take you home with me.' 
 
 ' I am at a premium to-day,' I said sar- 
 donically. 
 
 ' One must have something,' said Dolly. 
 ' How is your nose now, Mr. Carter ? ' 
 
 I looked at Dolly. I had better not have 
 done that. 
 
 ' Would afternoon tea hurt it ? ' she inquired 
 anxiously. 
 
TOO THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' It would do it good/ said I decisively. 
 
 And that is absolutely the whole story. And 
 what in the world Mrs. Hilary found to dis- 
 approve of I don't know especially as I didn't 
 tell her half of it ! But she did disapprove. 
 However, she looks very well when she 
 disapproves. 
 
XV. 
 
 THE HOUSE OPPOSITE. 
 
 WE were talking over the sad case of young 
 Algy Groom ; I was explaining to Mrs. 
 Hilary exactly what had happened. 
 
 ' His father gave him/ said I, ' a hundred 
 pounds to keep him for three months in Paris 
 while he learnt French.' 
 
 ' And very liberal too,' said Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' It depends where you dine,' said I. ' How- 
 ever, that question did not arise, for Algy went 
 to the Grand Prix the day after he arrived ' 
 
 ' A horse race ? ' asked Mrs. Hilary with great 
 contempt. 
 
 ' Certainly the competitors are horses,' I 
 rejoined. ' And there he, most unfortunately, 
 lost the whole sum, without learning any French 
 to speak of.' 
 
 ' How disgusting ! ' exclaimed Mrs. Hilary, 
 and little Miss Phyllis gasped in horror. 
 
 ' Oh, well,' said Hilary, with much bravery (as 
 it struck me), ' his father's very well off.' 
 
 'That doesn't make it a bit better,' declared 
 his wife. 
 
 ' There's no mortal sin in a little betting, my 
 dear. Boys will be boys ' 
 
 101 
 
102 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' And even that,' I interposed, ' wouldn't matter 
 if we could only prevent girls from being girls.' 
 
 Mrs. Hilary, taking no notice whatever of me, 
 pronounced sentence. ' He grossly deceived 
 his father,' she said, and took up her embroidery. 
 
 ' Most of us have grossly deceived our parents 
 before now,' said I. ' We should all have to 
 confess to something of the sort.' 
 
 ' I hope you're speaking for your own sex,' 
 observed Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' Not more than yours,' said I. ' You used to 
 meet Hilary on the pier when your father wasn't 
 there you told me so.' 
 
 ' Father had authorised my acquaintance with 
 Hilary. 
 
 ' I hate quibbles,' said I. 
 
 There was a pause. Mrs. Hilary stitched ; 
 Hilary observed that the day was fine. 
 
 ' Now,' I pursued carelessly, ' even Miss Phyllis 
 here has been known to deceive her parents.' 
 
 ' Oh, let the poor child alone, anyhow,' said 
 Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' Haven't you ? ' said I to Miss Phyllis. 
 
 I expected an indignant denial. So did Mrs. 
 Hilary, for she remarked with a sympathetic 
 air, 
 
 ' Never mind his folly, Phyllis dear.' 
 
 ' Haven't you, Miss Phyllis ? ' said I. 
 
 Miss Phyllis grew very red. Fearing that I 
 was causing her pain, I was about to observe on 
 the prospects of a Dissolution when a shy smile 
 spread over Miss Phyllis's face. 
 
 ' Yes, once,' said she with a timid glance at 
 
THE HOUSE OPPOSITE. 103 
 
 Mrs. Hilary, who immediately laid down her 
 embroidery. 
 
 'Out with it,' I cried triumphantly. 'Come 
 along, Miss Phyllis. We won't tell, honour 
 bright ! ' 
 
 Miss Phyllis looked again at Mrs. Hilary. 
 Mrs. Hilary is human. 
 
 'Well, Phyllis dear," said she, 'after all this 
 time I shouldn't think it my duty ' 
 
 ' It only happened last summer,' said Miss 
 Phyllis. 
 
 Mrs. Hilary looked rather put out. 
 
 ' Still,' she began. 
 
 ' We must have the story,' said I. 
 
 Little Miss Phyllis put down the sock she 
 had been knitting. 
 
 ' I was very naughty,' she remarked. ' It was 
 my last term at school.' 
 
 ' I know that age,' said I to Hilary. 
 
 ' My window looked out towards the street. 
 You're sure you won't tell ? Well, there was a 
 house opposite ' 
 
 ' And a young man in it,' said I. 
 
 ' How did you know that ? ' asked Miss Phyllis, 
 blushing immensely. 
 
 ' No girls' school can keep up its numbers 
 without one,' I explained. 
 
 ' Well there was, anyhow,' said Miss Phyllis. 
 ' And I and two other girls went to a course of 
 lectures at the Town Hall on literature or some- 
 thing of that kind. We used to have a shilling 
 given us for our tickets.' 
 
 ' Precisely,' said I. 'A hundred pounds ! ' 
 
104 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' No, a shilling,' corrected Miss Phyllis. ' A 
 hundred pounds ! How absurd, Mr. Carter ! 
 Well, one day I I ' 
 
 ' You're sure you wish to go on, Phyllis ? ' 
 asked Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' You're afraid, Mrs. Hilary,' said I severely. 
 
 ' Nonsense, Mr. Carter. I thought Phyllis 
 might ' 
 
 ' I don't mind going on,' said Miss Phyllis, 
 smiling. ' One day I I lost the other girls.' 
 
 ' The other girls are always easy to lose,' I 
 observed. 
 
 ' And on the way there oh, you know, he 
 went to the lectures.' 
 
 ' The young dog ! ' said I, nudging Hilary. 
 ' I should think he did ! ' 
 
 'On the way there it became rather rather 
 
 foggy-' 
 
 ' Blessings on it,' I cried ; for litttle Miss 
 Phyllis's demure, but roguish expression de- 
 lighted me. 
 
 ' And he he found me in the fog.' 
 
 ' What are you doing, Mr. Carter ? ' cried Mrs. 
 Hilary angrily. 
 
 ' Nothing, nothing,' said I. I believe I had 
 winked at Hilary. 
 
 ' And and we couldn't find the Town Hall.' 
 
 4 Oh, Phyllis ! ' groaned Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 Little Miss Phyllis looked alarmed for a 
 moment. Then she smiled. 
 
 ' But we found the confectioner's,' said she. 
 
 'The Grand Prix] said I, pointing my fore- 
 finger at Hilary. 
 
THE HOUSE OPPOSITE. 105 
 
 ' He had no money at all,' said Miss Phyllis. 
 
 ' It's ideal ! ' said I. 
 
 ' And and we had tea on on ' 
 
 ' The shilling ? ' I cried in rapture. 
 
 1 Yes,' said little Miss Phyllis, ' on the shilling. 
 And he saw me home.' 
 
 ' Details, please,' said I. 
 
 Little Miss Phyllis shook her head. 
 
 ' And left me at the door.' 
 
 ' Was it still foggy ? ' I asked. 
 
 ' Yes. Or he wouldn't have ' 
 
 ' Now what did he ? ' 
 
 ' Come to the door, Mr. Carter,' said Miss 
 Phyllis, with obvious wariness. ' Oh, and it was 
 such fun ! ' 
 
 ' I'm sure it was.' 
 
 ' No, I mean when we were examined in the 
 lectures. I bought the local paper, you know, 
 and read it up, and I got top marks easily, and 
 Miss Green wrote to mother to say how well I 
 had done.' 
 
 ' It all ends most satisfactorily,' I observed. 
 
 'Yes, didn't it ?' said little Miss Phyllis. 
 
 Mrs. Hilary was grave again. 
 
 ' And you never told your mother, Phyllis ? ' 
 she asked. 
 
 ' N-no, Cousin Mary,' said Miss Phyllis. 
 
 I rose and stood with my back to the fire. 
 Little Miss Phyllis took up her sock again, but a 
 smile still played;about the corners of her mouth. 
 
 ' I wonder,' said I, looking up at the ceiling, 
 ' what happened at the door.' Then, as no one 
 spoke, I added, 
 
io6 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' Pooh ! I know what happened at the door.' 
 
 ' I'm not going to tell you anything more,' said 
 Miss Phyllis. 
 
 ' But I should like to hear it in your own ' 
 
 Miss Phyllis was gone ! She had suddenly 
 risen and run from the room ! 
 
 ' It did happen at the door,' said I. 
 
 ' Fancy Phyllis ! ' mused Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' I hope, 1 said I, ' that it will be a lesson to 
 you.' 
 
 ' I shall have to keep my eye on her,' said 
 Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 'You can't do it,' said I in easy confidence. 
 I had no fear of little Miss Phyllis being done 
 out of her recreations. ' Meanwhile,' I pursued, 
 ' the important thing is this : my parallel is 
 obvious and complete.' 
 
 ' There's not the least likeness,' said Mrs. 
 Hilary sharply. 
 
 ' As a hundred pounds are to a shilling so 
 is the Grand Prix to the young man opposite,' 
 I observed, taking my hat, and holding out my 
 hand to Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' I am very angry with you,' she said. ' You've 
 made the child think there was nothing wrong 
 in it.' 
 
 ' Oh ! nonsense,' said I. ' Look how she 
 enjoyed telling it.' 
 
 Then, not heeding Mrs. Hilary, I launched 
 into an apostrophe. 
 
 ' O 1 divine House Opposite,' I cried. ' Charm- 
 ing House Opposite ! What is a man's own 
 dull uneventful home compared with that 
 
THE HOUSE OPPOSITE. 107 
 
 glorious House Opposite ! Tf only I might 
 dwell for ever in the House Opposite!' 
 
 ' I haven't the least notion what you mean,' 
 remarked Mrs. Hilary stiffly. ' I suppose it's 
 something silly or worse.' 
 
 I looked at her in some puzzle. 
 
 ' Have you no longing for the House 
 Opposite ? ' I asked. 
 
 Mrs. Hilary looked at me. Her eyes ceased 
 to be absolutely blank. She put her arm 
 through Hilary's and answered gently, 
 
 ' I don't want the House Opposite.' 
 
 ' Ah,' said I, giving my hat a brush, ' but 
 maybe you remember the House when it was 
 Opposite ? ' 
 
 Mrs. Hilary, one arm still in Hilary's, gave 
 me her hand. 
 
 She blushed and smiled. 
 
 ' Well,' said she, ' it was your fault ; so I won't 
 scold Phyllis.' 
 
 ' No, don't, my dear,' said Hilary, with a 
 laugh. 
 
 As for me, I went downstairs, and, in absence 
 of mind, bade my cabman drive to the House 
 Opposite. But I have never got there. 
 
XVI. 
 
 A QUICK CHANGE. 
 
 WHY not go with Archie?' I asked, 
 spreading out my hands. 
 
 ' It will be dull enough, anyhow,' said Dolly 
 fretfully. ' Besides, it's awfully bourgeois to go 
 to the theatre with one's husband.' 
 
 ' Bourgeois] I observed, ' is an epithet which 
 the riff-raff apply to what is respectable, and 
 the aristocracy to what is decent.' 
 
 ' But it's not a nice thing to be, all the same,' 
 said Dolly, who is impervious to the most 
 penetrating remark. 
 
 'You're in no danger of it,' I hastened to 
 assure her. 
 
 ' How should you describe me, then ? ' she 
 asked, leaning forward, with a smile. 
 
 ' I should describe you, Lady Mickleham,' 
 I replied discreetly, ' as being a little lower than 
 the angels. 1 
 
 Dolly's smile was almost a laugh as she 
 asked, 
 
 ' How much lower, please, Mr. Carter ? ' 
 
 'Just by the depth of your dimples,' said I 
 thoughtlessly. 
 
 108 
 
A QUICK CHANGE. 109 
 
 Dolly became immensely grave. 
 
 ' I thought,' said she, ' that we never mentioned 
 them now, Mr. Carter.' 
 
 ' Did we ever ? ' I asked innocently. 
 
 ' I seemed to remember once : do you re- 
 collect being in very low spirits one evening at 
 Monte ? ' 
 
 ' I remember being in very low water more 
 than one evening there.' 
 
 ' Yes : you told me you were terribly hard up.' 
 
 ' There was an election in our division that 
 year,' I remarked, ' and I remitted 30 per cent, 
 of my rents.' 
 
 'You did to M. Blanc,' said Dolly. 'Oh, 
 and you were very dreary ! You said you'd 
 wasted your life and your time and your oppor- 
 tunities.' 
 
 ' Oh, you mustn't suppose I never have any 
 proper feelings,' said I complacently. 
 
 ' I think you were hardly yourself.' 
 
 ' Do be more charitable.' 
 
 ' And you said that your only chance was in 
 gaining the affection of ' 
 
 ' Surely I was not such an so foolish ? ' I 
 implored. 
 
 'Yes, you were. You were sitting close by 
 me ' 
 
 'Oh, then, it doesn't count,' said I, rallying 
 a little. 
 
 ' On a bench. You remember the bench ? ' 
 
 ' No, I don't,' said I, with a kind but firm 
 smile. 
 
 ' Not the bench ? ' 
 
no THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 'No.' 
 
 Dolly looked at me, then she asked in an 
 insinuating tone, 
 
 ' When did you forget it, Mr. Carter ? ' 
 
 ' The day you were buried,' I rejoined. 
 
 ' I see. Well, you said then what you couldn't 
 possibly have meant.' 
 
 ' I daresay. I often did.' 
 
 ' That they were ' 
 
 ' That what were ? ' 
 
 ' Why, the the what we're talking about.' 
 
 ' What we were ? Oh, to be sure, the 
 
 the blemishes ? ' 
 
 ' Yes, the blemishes. You said they were 
 the most ' 
 
 ' Oh, well, it was a fagon de parler! 
 
 ' I was afraid you weren't a bit sincere,' said 
 Dolly humbly. 
 
 'Well, judge me by yourself,' said I with a 
 candid air. 
 
 ' But I said nothing ! ' cried Dolly. 
 
 ' It was incomparably the most artistic thing 
 to do,' said I. 
 
 ' I'm sometimes afraid you don't do me 
 justice, Mr. Carter/ remarked Dolly with some 
 pathos. 
 
 I did not care to enter upon that discussion, 
 and a pause followed. Then Dolly, in a timid 
 manner, asked me, 
 
 ' Do you remember the dreadful thing that 
 happened the same evening ? ' 
 
 ' That chances to remain in my memory," I 
 admitted. 
 
A QUICK CHANGE. in 
 
 'I've always thought it kind of you never to 
 speak of it,' said she. 
 
 ' It is best forgotten,' said I, smiling. 
 
 4 We should have said the same about any- 
 body,' protested Dolly. 
 
 ' Certainly. We were only trying to be 
 smart,' said I. 
 
 ' And it was horribly unjust.' 
 
 ' I quite agree with you, Lady Mickleham.' 
 
 ' Besides, I didn't know anything about him 
 then. He had only arrived that day, you see.' 
 
 ' Really we were not to blame,' I urged. 
 
 ' Oh, but doesn't it seem funny ? ' 
 
 ' A strange whirligig, no doubt,' I mused. 
 
 There was a pause. Then the faintest of 
 smiles appeared on Dolly's face. 
 
 ' He shouldn't have worn such clothes,' she 
 said, as though in self-defence. ' Anybody would 
 have looked absurd in them.' 
 
 ' It was all the clothes,' I agreed. ' Besides, 
 when a man doesn't know a place, he always 
 moons about and looks ' 
 
 'Yes. Rather awkward, doesn't he, Mr. 
 Carter ? ' 
 
 ' And the mere fact of his looking at you ' 
 
 ' At us, please.' 
 
 ' Is nothing, although we made a grievance of 
 it at the time.' 
 
 ' That was very absurd of you,' said Dolly. 
 
 ' It was certainly unreasonable of us,' said I. 
 
 ' We ought to have known he was a gentle- 
 man.' 
 
 ' But we scouted the idea of it,' said I. 
 
ii2 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' It was a most curious mistake to make,' said 
 Dolly. 
 
 ' Oh, well, it's all put right now,' said I. 
 
 ' Oh, Mr. Carter, do you remember mamma's 
 face when we described him ? ' 
 
 ' That was a terrible moment/ said I, with a 
 shudder. 
 
 ' I said he was ugly,' whispered Dolly. 
 
 ' And I said something worse,' murmured I. 
 
 ' And mamma knew at once from our descrip- 
 tion that it was ' 
 
 ' She saw it in a minute,' said I. 
 
 ' And then you went away.' 
 
 ' Well, I rather suppose I did,' said I. 
 
 ' Mamma is just a little like the Dowager 
 sometimes,' said Dolly. 
 
 ' There is a touch now and then,' I conceded. 
 
 1 And when I was introduced to him the next 
 day I absolutely blushed.' 
 
 ' I don't altogether wonder at that," I ob- 
 served. 
 
 ' But it wasn't as if he'd heard what we were 
 saying.' 
 
 ' No ; but he'd seen what we were doing.' 
 
 ' Well, what were we doing ? ' cried Dolly 
 defiantly. 
 
 ' Conversing confidentially,' said I. 
 
 ' And a week later you went home ! ' 
 
 'Just one week later,' said I. 
 
 There was a long pause. 
 
 ' Well, you'll take me to the theatre ? ' asked 
 Dolly, with something which, if I were so disposed, 
 I might consider a sigh. 
 
A QUICK CHANGE. 113 
 
 ' I've seen the piece twice,' said I. 
 
 ' How tiresome of you ! You've seen every- 
 thing twice ! ' 
 
 ' I've seen some things much oftener,' I 
 observed. 
 
 ' I'll get a nice girl for you to talk to, and I'll 
 have a young man.' 
 
 ' I don't want my girl to be too nice' I 
 observed. 
 
 ' She shall be pretty,' said Dolly generously. 
 
 ' I don't mind if I do come with you,' said I. 
 ' What becomes of Archie ? ' 
 
 ' He's going to take his mother and sisters to 
 the Albert Hall.' 
 
 My face brightened. 
 
 ' I am unreasonable,' I admitted. 
 
 ' Sometimes you are,' said Dolly. 
 
 ' I have much to be thankful for. Have you 
 ever observed a small boy eat a penny ice ? ' 
 
 ' Of course I have,' said Dolly. 
 
 ' What does he do when he's finished it ? ' 
 
 'Stops, I suppose.' 
 
 ' On the contrary,' said I. ' He licks the 
 glass.' 
 
 ' Yes, he does,' said Dolly meditatively. 
 
 ' It's not so bad licking the glass,' said I. 
 
 Dolly stood opposite me, smiling. At this 
 moment Archie entered. He had been working 
 at his lathe. He is very fond of making things 
 which he doesn't want, and then giving them to 
 people who have no use for them. 
 
 ' How are you, old chap ? ' he began. ' I've 
 just finished an uncommon pretty ' 
 
ii 4 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 He stopped, paralysed by a cry from Dolly. 
 
 ' Archie, what in the world are you wearing ? ' 
 
 I turned a startled gaze upon Archie. 
 
 ' It's just an old suit I routed out,' said he 
 apologetically. 
 
 I looked at Dolly ; her eyes were close shut, 
 and she gasped, 
 
 ' My dear, dear boy, go and change it ! ' 
 
 ' I don't see why it's not ' 
 
 ' Go and change it, if you love me,' besought 
 Dolly. 
 
 ' Oh, all right' 
 
 ' You look hideous in it,' she said, her eyes 
 still shut. 
 
 Archie, who is very docile, withdrew. A 
 guilty silence reigned for some moments. Then 
 Dolly opened her eyes. 
 
 1 It was the suit,' she said, with a shudder. 
 ' Oh, how it all came back to me ! ' 
 
 ' I could wish,' I observed, taking my hat, 
 ' that it would all come back to me.' 
 
 ' 1 wonder if you mean that ! ' 
 
 ' As much as I ever did,' said I earnestly. 
 
 ' And that is ? ' 
 
 ' Quite enough.' 
 
 'How tiresome you are!' she said, turning 
 away with a smile. 
 
 Outside I met Archie in another suit. 
 
 ' A quick change, eh, my boy ? ' said he. 
 
 ' It took just a week,' I remarked absently. 
 
 Archie stared. 
 
XVII. 
 
 A SLIGHT MISTAKE. 
 
 don't ask you for more than a guinea,' said 
 Mrs. Hilary, with a parade of forbearance. 
 
 ' It would be the same,' I replied politely, ' if 
 you asked me for a thousand ; ' with which I 
 handed her half-a-crown. She held it in her 
 open hand, regarding it scornfully. 
 
 ' Yes,' I continued, taking a seat, ' I feel that 
 pecuniary gifts ' 
 
 ' Half-a-crown ! ' 
 
 ' Are a poor substitute for personal service. 
 May not I accompany you to the ceremony ? ' 
 
 ' I daresay you spent as much as this on wine 
 with your lunch ! ' 
 
 ' I was in a mad mood to-day,' I answered 
 apologetically. 'What are they taught at the 
 school ? ' 
 
 ' Above all, to be good girls,' said Mrs. Hilary 
 earnestly. ' What are you sneering at, Mr. 
 Carter ? ' 
 
 4 Nothing,' said I hastily ; and I added with a 
 sigh, ' I suppose it's all right.' 
 
 4 1 should like,' said Mrs. Hilary meditatively, 
 
 "5 
 
n6 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' if I had not other duties, to dedicate my life to 
 the service of girls." 
 
 ' I should think twice about that, if I were 
 you,' said I, shaking my head. 
 
 ' By the way, Mr. Carter, I don't know if I've 
 ever spoken unkindly of Lady Mickleham. I 
 hope not.' 
 
 ' Hope,' said I, ' is not yet taxed.' 
 
 1 If I have, I'm very sorry. She's been most 
 kind in undertaking to give away the prizes 
 to-day. There must be some good in her.' 
 
 ' Oh, don't be hasty ! ' I implored. 
 
 ' I always wanted to think well of her.' 
 
 ' Ah ! Now, I never did.' 
 
 ' And Lord Mickleham is coming, too. He'll 
 be most useful.' 
 
 ' That settles it,' I exclaimed. ' I may not be 
 an earl, but I have a perfect right to be useful. 
 I'll go too.' 
 
 ' I wonder if you'll behave properly,' said Mrs. 
 Hilary doubtfully. 
 
 I held out a half-sovereign, three half-crowns, 
 and a shilling. 
 
 ' Oh, well, you may come, since Hilary can't,' 
 said Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' You mean he won't,' I observed. 
 
 ' He has always been prevented hitherto,' said 
 she with dignity. 
 
 So I went, and it proved a most agreeable 
 expedition. There were two hundred girls in 
 blue frocks and white aprons (the girl three 
 from the end of the fifth row was decidedly 
 pretty) a nice lot of prize books the Mickle- 
 
A SLIGHT MISTAKE. 117 
 
 hams (Dolly in demure black), ourselves, and 
 the matron. All went well. Dolly gave away 
 the prizes ; Mrs. Hilary and Archie made little 
 speeches. Then the matron came to me. I 
 was sitting modestly at the back of the platform, 
 a little distance behind the others. 
 
 ' Mr. Musgrave,' said the matron to me, ' we're 
 so glad to see you here at last. Won't you say 
 a few words ? ' 
 
 ' It would be a privilege,' I responded cordially, 
 ' but unhappily I have a sore throat.' 
 
 The matron (who was a most respectable 
 woman) said, ' Dear, dear ! ' but did not press 
 the point. Evidently, however, she liked me, 
 for when we went to have a cup of tea, she got 
 me in a corner and began to tell me all about 
 the work. It was extremely interesting. Then 
 the matron observed, 
 
 ' And what an angel Mrs. Musgrave is ! ' 
 
 ' Well, I should hardly call her that,' said I, 
 with a smile. 
 
 ' Oh, you mustn't depreciate her you, of all 
 men ! ' cried the matron, with a somewhat 
 ponderous archness. ' Really I envy you her 
 constant society.' 
 
 ' I assure you,' said I, ' I see very little of 
 her.' 
 
 ' I beg your pardon ? ' 
 
 ' I only go to the house about once a fortnight. 
 Oh, it's not my fault. She won't have me there 
 oftener.' 
 
 ' What do you mean ? I beg your pardon. 
 Perhaps I've touched on a painful ' 
 
n8 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 'Not at all, not at all,' said I suavely. 'It is 
 very natural. I am neither young nor hand- 
 some, Mrs. Wiggins. I am not complaining.' 
 
 The matron gazed at me. 
 
 ' Only seeing her here,' I pursued, ' you have 
 no idea of what she is at home. She has chosen 
 to forbid me to come to her house ' 
 
 ' Her house ? ' 
 
 ' It happens to be more hers than mine,' I 
 explained. ' To forbid me, I say, more than 
 once to come to her house. No doubt she had 
 her reasons.' 
 
 ' Nothing could justify it,' said the matron, 
 directing a wondering glance at Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 ' Do not let us blame her,' said I. ' It is 
 just an unfortunate accident. She is not as 
 fond of me as 1 could wish, Mrs. Wiggins ; 
 and she is a great deal fonder than I could 
 wish of ' 
 
 I broke off. Mrs. Hilary was walking towards 
 us. I think she was pleased to see me getting 
 on so well with the matron, for she was smiling 
 pleasantly. The matron wore a bewildered 
 expression. 
 
 ' I suppose,' said Mrs. Hilary, ' that you'll drive 
 back with the Micklehams ? ' 
 
 ' Unless you want me,' said I, keeping a 
 watchful eye on the matron. 
 
 ' Oh, I don't want you,' said Mrs. Hilary 
 lightly. 
 
 ' You won't be alone this evening ? ' I asked 
 anxiously. 
 
 Mrs. Hilary stared a little 
 
A SLIGHT MISTAKE. 119 
 
 ' Oh, no ! ' she said. ' We shall have our 
 usual party.' 
 
 ' May I come one day next week ? ' I asked 
 humbly. 
 
 Mrs. Hilary thought for a moment. 
 
 ' I'm so busy next week come the week 
 after,' said she, giving me her hand. 
 
 ' That's very unkind,' said I. 
 
 ' Nonsense ! ' said Mrs. Hilary ; and she added, 
 ' Mind you let me know when you're coming.' 
 
 ' I won't surprise you,' I assured her, with a 
 covert glance at the matron. 
 
 The excellent woman was quite red in the 
 face, and could gasp out nothing but ' Good-bye,' 
 as Mrs. Hilary affectionately pressed her hand. 
 
 At this moment Dolly came up. She was 
 alone. 
 
 ' Where's Archie ? ' I asked. 
 
 ' He's run away ; he's got to meet somebody. 
 I knew you'd see me home. Mrs. Hilary didn't 
 want you, of course ? ' 
 
 ' Of course not,' said I plaintively. 
 
 ' Besides, you'd rather come with me, wouldn't 
 you ? ' pursued Dolly ; and she added pleasantly 
 to the matron, ' Mrs. Hilary's so down on him, 
 you know.' 
 
 ' I'd much rather come with you,' said I. 
 
 ' We'll have a cosy drive all to ourselves,' said 
 Dolly, ' without -husbands or wives or anything 
 horrid. Isn't it nice to get rid of one's husband 
 sometimes, Mrs. Wiggins ? ' 
 
 ' I have the misfortune to be a widow, Lady 
 Mickleham,' said Mrs. Wiggins. 
 
120 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 Dolly's eye rested upon her with an interested 
 expression. I knew that she was about to ask 
 Mrs. Wiggins whether she liked the condition 
 of life, and I interposed hastily, with a sigh, 
 
 ' But you can look back on a happy marriage, 
 Mrs. Wiggins ? ' 
 
 ' I did my best to make it so/ said she stiffly. 
 
 ' You're right,' said I. ' Even in the face of 
 unkindness we should strive ' 
 
 ' My husband's not unkind,' said Dolly. 
 
 ' I didn't mean your husband,' said I. 
 
 ' What your poor wife would do if she cared 
 a button for you, I don't know,' observed Dolly. 
 
 ' If I had a wife who cared for me, I should 
 be a better man,' said I solemnly. 
 
 ' But you'd probably be very dull,' said Dolly. 
 And you wouldn't be allowed to drive with me.' 
 
 ' Perhaps it's all for the best,' said I, brightening 
 up. ' Good-bye, Mrs. Wiggins.' 
 
 Dolly walked on. Mrs. Wiggins held my 
 hand for a moment 
 
 ' Young man,' said she sternly, ' are you sure 
 it's not your own fault ? ' 
 
 ' I'm not at all sure, Mrs. Wiggins,' said I. 
 ' But don't be distressed about it. It's of no 
 consequence. I don't let it make me unhappy. 
 Good-bye; so many thanks. Charming girls 
 you have here especially that one in the fifth 
 I mean, charming, all of them. ' Good-bye.' 
 
 I hastened to the carriage. Mrs. Wiggins 
 stood and watched. I got in and sat down by 
 Dolly. 
 
 ' Oh, Mrs. Wiggins,' said Dolly, dimpling, 
 
A SLIGHT MISTAKE. 121 
 
 ' don't tell Mrs. Hilary that Archie wasn't with 
 us, or we shall get into trouble.' And she 
 added to me, ' Are you all right ? ' 
 
 ' Rather ! ' said I appreciatively ; and we drove 
 off, leaving Mrs. Wiggins on the doorstep. 
 
 A fortnight later I went to call on Mrs. Hilary. 
 After some conversation she remarked, 
 
 ' I'm going to the school again to-morrow.' 
 
 ' Really ! ' said I. 
 
 ' And I'm so delighted I've persuaded Hilary 
 to come.' 
 
 She paused, and then added, 
 
 ' You really seemed interested last time.' 
 
 ' Oh, I was.' 
 
 ' Would you like to come again to-morrow ? ' 
 
 ' No, I think not, thanks,' said I carelessly. 
 
 ' That's just like you ! ' she said severely. 
 ' You never do any real good, because you 
 never stick to anything.' 
 
 'There are some things one can't stick to,' 
 said I. 
 
 ' Oh, nonsense ! ' said Mrs. Hilary. 
 
 But there are and I didn't go. 
 
XVIII. 
 
 THE OTHER LADY. 
 
 ' T)Y the merest chance,' I observed medita- 
 X) tively, ' I attended a reception last night.' 
 
 ' I went to three,' said Lady Mickleham, 
 selecting a sardine-sandwich with care. 
 
 ' I might not have gone,' I mused. ' I might 
 easily not have gone.' 
 
 ' I can't see what difference it would make 
 if you hadn't,' said she. 
 
 ' I thought three times about going. It's a 
 curious world.' 
 
 ' What happened ? You may smoke, you 
 know.' 
 
 ' I fell in love,' said I, lighting a cigarette. 
 
 Lady Mickleham placed her feet on the 
 fender it was a chilly afternoon and turned 
 her face to me, shielding it from the fire with 
 her handkerchief. 
 
 ' Men of your age,' she remarked, ' have no 
 business to be thinking of such things.' 
 
 ' I was not thinking of it,' said I. 'I was 
 thinking of going home. Then I was introduced 
 to her.' 
 
 1 And you stayed a little, I suppose ? ' 
 122 
 
THE OTHER LADY. 123 
 
 ' I stayed two hours or two minutes. I 
 forget which ; ' and I added, nodding my head 
 at Lady Mickleham, ' There was something 
 irresistible about me last night.' 
 
 Lady Mickleham laughed. 
 
 'You seem very pleased with yourself,' she 
 said, reaching for a fan to replace the hand- 
 kerchief. 
 
 'Yes, take care of your complexion,' said I 
 approvingly. ' She has a lovely complexion.' 
 
 Lady Mickleham laid down the fan. 
 
 ' I am very pleased with myself,' I continued. 
 ' She was delighted with me.' 
 
 ' I suppose you talked nonsense to her.' 
 
 ' I have not the least idea what I talked to 
 her. It was quite immaterial. The language 
 of the eyes ' 
 
 ' Oh, you might be a boy ! ' 
 
 ' I was,' said I, nodding again. 
 
 There was a long silence. Dolly looked at 
 me ; I looked at the fire. I did not, how- 
 ever, see the fire. I saw something quite 
 different. 
 
 ' She liked me very much,' I observed, stretch- 
 ing my hands out towards the blaze. 
 
 ' You absurd old man ! ' said Dolly. ' Was 
 she very charming ? ' 
 
 ' She was perfect.' 
 
 'How? Clever?' 
 . I waved my hand impatiently. 
 
 ' Pretty, Mr. Carter ? ' 
 
 ' Why, of course ; the prettiest creature I 
 ever But that goes without saying.' 
 
124 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' It would have gone better without saying,' 
 remarked Dolly. ' Considering ' 
 
 To have asked ' Considering what ? ' would 
 have been the acme of bad taste. I merely 
 smiled, and waved my hand again. 
 
 ' You're quite serious about it, aren't you ? ' 
 said Dolly. 
 
 ' I should think I was,' said I indignantly. 
 ' Not to be serious in such a matter is to waste 
 it utterly.' 
 
 ' I'll come to the wedding,' said Dolly. 
 
 ' There won't be a wedding,' said I. ' There 
 are Reasons.' 
 
 ' Oh ! You're very unlucky, Mr. Carter.' 
 
 ' That,' I observed, ' is as it may be, Lady 
 Mickleham.' 
 
 ' Were the Reasons at the reception ? ' 
 
 ' They were. It made no difference.' 
 
 ' It's very curious,' remarked Dolly with a 
 compassionate air, ' that you always manage to 
 admire people whom somebody else has married.' 
 
 ' It would be very curious,' I rejoined, ' if 
 somebody had not married the people whom I 
 admire. Last night, though, I made nothing of 
 his sudden removal : my fancy rioted in acci- 
 dental deaths for him.' 
 
 ' He won't die,' said Dolly. 
 
 ' I hate that sort of superstition,' said I 
 irritably. ' He's just as likely to die as any 
 other man is.' 
 
 ' He certainly won't die,' said Dolly. 
 
 ' Well, I know he won't. Do let it alone,' 
 said I, much exasperated. It was probably 
 
THE OTHER LADY. 125 
 
 only kindness, but Dolly suddenly turned her 
 eyes away from me and fixed them on the fire ; 
 she took the fan up again and twirled it in her 
 hand ; a queer little smile bent her lips. 
 
 ' I hope the poor man won't die,' said Dolly in 
 a low voice. 
 
 ' If he had died last night ! ' I cried longingly. 
 Then, with a regretful shrug of my shoulders, I 
 added, ' Let him live now to the crack of 
 doom ! ' 
 
 Somehow this restored my good humour. I 
 rose and stood with my back to the fire, stretch- 
 ing myself and sighing luxuriously. Dolly 
 leant back in her chair and laughed at me. 
 
 ' Do you expect to be forgiven ? ' she asked. 
 
 ' No, no,' said I ; ' I had too good an excuse.' 
 
 ' I wish I'd been there at the reception, I 
 mean.' 
 
 ' I'm extremely glad you weren't, Lady 
 Mickleham. As it was, I forgot all my 
 troubles.' 
 
 Dolly is not resentful ; she did not mind the 
 implied description. She leant back, smiling 
 still. I sighed again, smiled at Dolly, and took 
 my hat. Then I turned to the mirror over the 
 mantelpiece, arranged my necktie, and gave my 
 hair a touch. 
 
 ' No one,' I observed, ' can afford to neglect the 
 niceties of the toilet. Those dainty little curls 
 on the forehead ' 
 
 ' You've had none there for ten years,' cried 
 Lady Mickleham. 
 
 ' I did not mean my forehead,' said I. 
 
126 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 Sighing once again, I held out my hand to 
 Dolly. 
 
 ' Arc you doing anything this evening ? ' she 
 asked. 
 
 'That depends on what I'm asked to do,' said 
 I cautiously. 
 
 ' Well, Archie's going to be at the House, and 
 I thought you might take me to the Phaetons' 
 party. It's quite a long drive a horribly long 
 drive, Mr. Carter.' 
 
 I stood for a moment considering this pro- 
 posal. 
 
 'I don't think,' said I, 'that it would be 
 proper.' 
 
 ' Why, Archie suggested it ! You're making 
 an excuse. You know you are ! ' and Lady 
 Mickleham looked very indignant. ' As if," she 
 added scornfully, ' you cared about what was 
 proper ! ' 
 
 I dropped into a chair, and said, in a con- 
 fidential tone, ' I don't care a pin. It was a 
 mere excuse. I don't want to come.' 
 
 'You're very rude, indeed. Many women 
 would never speak to you again.' 
 
 ' They would,' said I, ' all do just as you 
 will.' 
 
 ' And what's that, Mr. Carter ? ' 
 
 ' Ask me again on the first opportunity.' 
 
 ' Why won't you come ? ' said Dolly, waiving 
 this question. 
 
 I bent forward, holding my hat in my left 
 hand, and sawing the air with my right fore- 
 finger. 
 
THE OTHER LADY. 127 
 
 ' You fail to allow,' said I impressively, ' for 
 the rejuvenescence which recent events have 
 produced in me. If I came with you this even- 
 ing I should be quite capable ' I paused. 
 
 ' Of anything dreadful ? ' asked Dolly. 
 
 ' Of paying you pronounced attentions,' said I 
 gravely. 
 
 ' That,' said Dolly with equal gravity, ' would 
 be very regrettable. It would be unjust to me 
 and very insulting to her, Mr. Carter.' 
 
 ' It would be the finest testimonial to her,' I 
 cried. 
 
 ' And you'll spend the evening thinking of 
 her?' asked Dolly. 
 
 ' I shall get through the evening,' said I, ' in 
 the best way I can.' And I smiled contentedly. 
 
 ' What's her husband ? ' asked Dolly suddenly. 
 
 ' Her husband,' I rejoined, ' is nothing at 
 all.' 
 
 Dolly, receiving this answer, looked at me 
 with a pathetic air. 
 
 ' It's not quite fair,' she observed. ' Do you 
 know what I'm thinking about, Mr. Carter?' 
 
 ' Certainly I do, Lady Mickleham. You are 
 thinking that you would like to meet me for 
 the first time.' 
 
 ' Not at all. I was thinking that it would be 
 amusing if you met me for the first time.' 
 
 I said nothing. Dolly rose and walked to 
 the window. She swung the tassel of the blind 
 and it bumped against the window. The 
 failing sun caught her ruddy brown hair. 
 There were curls on her forehead, too. 
 
128 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' It's a grand world,' said I. ' And, after all, 
 one can grow old very gradually.' 
 
 ' You're not really old,' said Dolly, with the 
 fleetest glance at me. A glance should not be 
 over-long. 
 
 ' Gradually and disgracefully,' I murmured. 
 
 ' If you met me for the first time ' said 
 
 Dolly, swinging the tassel. 
 
 ' By Heaven, it should be the last ! ' I cried, 
 and I rose to my feet. 
 
 Dolly let the tassel go, and made me a very 
 pretty curtsey. 
 
 ' I am going to another party to-night,' said 
 I, nodding my head significantly. 
 
 ' Ah ! ' said Dolly. 
 
 ' And I shall again,' I pursued, ' spend my 
 time with the prettiest woman in the room.' 
 
 ' Shall you ? ' asked Dolly, smiling. 
 
 ' I am a very fortunate fellow,' I observed. 
 ' And as for Mrs. Hilary, she may say what she 
 likes.' 
 
 ' Oh, does Mrs. Hilary know the Other 
 Lady?' 
 
 I walked towards the door. 
 
 ' There is,' said I, laying my hand on the 
 door, no ' Other Lady.' 
 
 ' I shall get there about eleven,' said Dolly. 
 
XIX 
 
 WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN. 
 
 T TNFORTUNATELY it was Sunday ; there- 
 \^J fore the gardeners could not be ordered 
 to shift the long row of flower-pots from the 
 side of the terrace next the house, where Dolly 
 had ordered them to be put, to the side remote 
 from the house, where Dolly now wished them 
 to stand. Yet Dolly could not think of living 
 with the pots where they were till Monday. 
 It would kill her, she said. So Archie left the 
 cool shade of the great trees, where Dolly sat 
 , doing nothing, and Nellie Phaeton sat splicing 
 the gig whip, and I lay in a deck-chair, with 
 something iced beside me. Outside the sun 
 was broiling hot, and poor Archie mopped his 
 brow at every weary journey across the broad 
 terrace. 
 
 ' It's a burnin' shame, Dolly,' said Miss 
 Phaeton. ' I wouldn't do it if I were him.' 
 
 ' Oh, yes, you would, dear,' said Dolly. ' The 
 pots looked atrocious on that side ' 
 
 I took a long sip from my glass, and observed 
 in a meditative tone, 
 
 129 o 
 
i 3 o THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 'There, but for the grace of woman, goes 
 Samuel Travers Carter.' 
 
 Dolly's lazy lids half lifted. Miss Phaeton 
 mumbled (her mouth was full of twine), 
 
 ' What do you mean ? ' 
 
 ' Nemo omnibus Jwris sapitj said I apolo- 
 getically. 
 
 ' I don't know what that means either.' 
 
 ' Nemo everybody,' I translated, ' sapit has 
 been in love omnibus once Iwris at least.' 
 
 ' Oh, and you mean she wouldn't have you ? ' 
 asked Nellie, with blunt directness. 
 
 ' Not quite that,' said I. ' They 
 
 ' They ? ' murmured Dolly, with half-lifted lids. 
 
 ' T/iey,' I pursued, ' regretfully recognised my 
 impossibility. Hence I am not carrying pots 
 across a broad terrace under a hot sun." 
 
 ' Why did they think you impossible ? ' asked 
 Miss Phaeton, who takes much interest in this 
 sort of question. 
 
 ' A variety of reasons ; for one I was too 
 clever, for another too stupid ; for others too 
 good or too bad ; too serious or too frivolous ; 
 too poor or ' 
 
 ' Well, no one objected to your money, I 
 suppose ? ' interrupted Nellie. 
 
 ' Pardon me. I was about to say " or not rich 
 enough." ' 
 
 ' But that's the same thing.' 
 
 ' The antithesis is certainly imperfect,' I 
 admitted. 
 
 ' Mr. Gay,' said Nellie, introducing the name 
 with some timidity, ' you know who I mean ? 
 
WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN. 131 
 
 the poet once said to me that man was essen- 
 tially imperfect until he was married.' 
 
 ' It is true,' I agreed. ' And woman until she 
 is dead.' 
 
 ' I don't think he meant it quite in that sense,' 
 said Nellie, rather puzzled. 
 
 ' 1 don't think he meant it in any sense/ 
 murmured Dolly, a little unkindly. 
 
 We might have gone on talking in this idle 
 way for ever so long had not Archie at this 
 point dropped a large flower-pot and smashed it 
 to bits. He stood looking at the bits for a 
 moment, and then came towards us and sank 
 into a chair. 
 
 ' I'm off ! ' he announced. 
 
 ' And half are on one side, and half on the 
 other,' said Dolly regretfully. 
 
 A sudden impulse seized me. I got up, put 
 on my straw hat, took off my coat, walked out 
 into the sun, and began to move flower-pots 
 across the broad terrace. I heard a laugh from 
 Archie, a little cry from Dolly, and from Nellie 
 Phaeton, ' Goodness, what's he doin' that for ? ' 
 I was not turned from my purpose. The 
 luncheon bell rang. Miss Phaeton, whip and 
 twine in hand, walked into the house. Archie 
 followed her, saying as he passed that he hoped 
 I shouldn't find it warm. I went on shifting the 
 flower-pots. They were very heavy. I broke 
 two, but I went on. Presently Dolly put up 
 her parasol and came out from the shade to 
 watch me. She stood there for a moment or 
 two. Then she said, 
 
 \ 
 
132 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' Well, do you think you'd like it, Mr. 
 Carter ? ' 
 
 ' Wait till I've finished/ said I, waving my 
 hand. 
 
 Another ten minutes saw the end of my task. 
 Panting and hot I sought the shade, and flung 
 myself on to my deck-chair again. I also lit a 
 cigarette. 
 
 ' I think they looked better on the other side, 
 after all,' said Dolly meditatively. 
 
 ' Of course you do,' said I urbanely. ' You 
 needn't tell me that.' 
 
 ' Perhaps you'd like to move them back,' she 
 suggested. 
 
 ' No,' said I. ' I've done enough to create the 
 impression.' 
 
 ' And how did you like it ? ' 
 
 * It was,' said I, ' in its way a pleasant enough 
 illusion.' And I shrugged my shoulders, and 
 blew a ring of smoke. 
 
 To my very considerable gratification, Dolly's 
 tone manifested some annoyance as she asked, 
 
 ' Why did you say " in its way " ? ' 
 
 ' Because, in spite of the momentary pleasure 
 I gained from feeling myself a married man, I 
 could not banish the idea that we should not 
 permanently suit one another.' 
 
 ' Oh, you thought that ? ' said Dolly, smiling 
 again. 
 
 ' I must confess it,' said I. ' The fault, I know, 
 would be mine.' 
 
 ' I'm sure of that,' said Dolly. 
 
 ' But the fact is that I can't exist in too high 
 
WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN. 133 
 
 altitudes. The rarefaction of the moral atmos- 
 phere ' 
 
 ' Please don't use all those long words.' 
 
 ' Well, then, to put it plainly,' said I, with a 
 pleasant smile, ' I felt all the time that Mrs. 
 Hilary would be too good for me.' 
 
 It is not very often that it falls to my humble 
 lot to startle Lady Mickleham out of her com- 
 posure. But at this point she sat up quite 
 straight in her chair ; her cheek flushed, and 
 her eyelids ceased to droop in indolent in- 
 scmciance. 
 
 1 Mrs. Hilary ! ' she said. ' What has Mrs. 
 Hilary ?' 
 
 ' I really thought you understood,' said I, ' the 
 object of my experiment.' 
 
 Dolly glanced at me. I believe that my 
 expression was absolutely innocent ; and I am, 
 of course, sure that hers expressed mere 
 surprise. 
 
 ' I thought,' she said, after a pause, ' that you 
 were thinking of Nellie Phaeton.' 
 
 ' Oh, I see,' cried I, smiling. ' A natural 
 mistake, to be sure ! ' 
 
 'She thought so too,' pursued Dolly, biting 
 her lip. 
 
 'Did she though?' 
 
 ' And I'm sure she'd be quite annoyed if she 
 thought you were thinking of Mrs. Hilary.' 
 
 ' As a matter of fact,' I observed, ' she didn't 
 understand what I was doing at all.' 
 
 Dolly leant back. The relics of a frown still 
 dwelt on her brow ; presently, however, she 
 
134 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 began to swing her hat on her forefinger, and 
 she threw a look at me. I immediately looked 
 up towards the branches above my head. 
 
 ' We might as well go in to lunch/ said 
 Dolly. 
 
 ' By all means/ I acquiesced, with alacrity. 
 
 We went out into the sunshine, and came 
 where the pots were. Suddenly Dolly said, 
 
 ' Go back and sit down again, Mr. Carter.' 
 
 ' I want my lunch/ I ventured to observe. 
 
 ' Do as I tell you/ said Dolly, stamping her 
 foot ; whereat, much intimidated, I went back, 
 and stretched myself once more on the deck- 
 chair. 
 
 Dolly approached a flower-pot. She stooped 
 down, exerted her strength, lifted it, and carried 
 it, not without effort, across the terrace. Again 
 she did the like. I sat smoking and watch- 
 ing. She lifted a third pot, but dropped it half 
 way. Then, dusting her hands against one 
 another, she came back slowly into the shade 
 and sat down. I made no remark. Dolly 
 glanced at me. 
 
 ' Well ? ' she said. 
 
 ' Woman woman woman ! ' said I sadly. 
 
 ' Must I carry some more ? ' asked Dolly, in a 
 humble, yet protesting, tone. 
 
 'Mrs. Hilary/ I began, 'is an exceedingly 
 attractive ' 
 
 Dolly rose with a sigh. 
 
 ' Where are you going ? ' I asked. 
 
 ' More pots/ said Dolly, standing opposite me. 
 1 1 must go on, you see.' 
 
WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN. 135 
 
 4 Till when, Lady Mickleham ? ' 
 
 4 Till you tell the truth,' said Dolly, and she 
 suddenly burst into a little laugh. 
 
 4 Woman woman woman ! ' said I again. 
 ' Let's go into lunch.' 
 
 4 I'm going to carry the pots,' said Dolly. 
 4 It's awfully hot, Mr. Carter and look at my 
 poor hands ! ' 
 
 She held them out to me. 
 
 4 Lunch! ' said I. 
 
 4 Pots ! ' said Dolly, with infinite firmness. 
 
 The window of the dining-room opened, and 
 Archie put his head out. 
 
 4 Come along, you two,' he called. 4 Every- 
 thing's getting cold.' 
 
 Dolly turned an appealing glance on me. 
 
 4 How obstinate you are ! ' she said. 4 You 
 know perfectly well ' 
 
 I began to walk towards the house. 
 
 4 I'm going in to lunch,' said I. 
 
 4 Ask them to keep some for me,' said Dolly, 
 and she turned up the sleeves of her gown, till 
 her wrists were free. 
 
 4 It's most unfair,' said I indignantly. 
 
 4 1 don't care if it is,' said Dolly, stooping 
 down to lift a pot. 
 
 I watched her strain to lift it. She had 
 chosen the largest and heaviest ; she sighed 
 delicately and delicately she panted. She also 
 looked at her hands, and held them up for me 
 to see the lines of brown on the pink. I put 
 my hands in my pockets and said most sulkily, 
 as I turned away towards the house, 
 
136 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' All right. It wasn't Mrs. Hilary then.' 
 
 Dolly rose up, seized me by the arm, and 
 made me run to the house. 
 
 ' Mr. Carter,' she cried, ' would stop for those 
 wretched pots. He's moved all except two, 
 but he's broken three. Isn't he stupid ? ' 
 
 ' You are an old ass, Carter,' said Archie. 
 I believe you're right, Archie,' said I. 
 
XX. 
 
 ONE WAY IN. 
 
 I HAD a very curious dream the other night. 
 In fact, I dreamt that I was dead. I 
 passed through a green baize door and found 
 myself in a small square room. Opposite me 
 was another door, inscribed ' Elysian Fields,' and 
 in front of it, at a large table with a raised ledge, 
 sat Rhadamanthus. As I entered I saw a grace- 
 ful figure vanish through the door opposite. 
 
 ' It's no use trying to deceive me,' I observed. 
 ' That was Mrs. Hilary, I think ; if you don't 
 mind, I'll join her.' 
 
 ' I'm afraid I must trouble you to take a seat for 
 a few moments, Mr. Carter,' said Rhadamanthus, 
 ' while I run over your little account.' 
 
 Any formalities which are usual,' I murmured 
 politely, as I sat down. 
 
 Rhadamanthus turned over the leaves of a 
 large book. 
 
 ' Carter Samuel Travers, isn't it ? ' he asked. 
 
 ' Yes. For goodness' sake don't confuse me 
 with Vincent Carter. He only paid five shillings 
 in the pound.' 
 
 ' Your case presents some peculiar features, 
 Mr. Carter,' said Rhadamanthus. ' I hope I am 
 
138 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 not censorious, but well, that fine at Bow 
 Street ? ' 
 
 ' I was a mere boy,' said I, with some warmth, 
 ' and my solicitor grossly mismanaged the case.' 
 
 ' Well, well ! ' said he soothingly. ' But haven't 
 you spent a great deal of time at Monte Carlo ? ' 
 
 ' A man must be somewhere,' said I. 
 
 Rhadamanthus scratched his nose. 
 
 ' I should have wasted the money anyhow,' I 
 added. 
 
 ' I suppose you would,' he conceded. ' But 
 what of this caveat lodged by the Dowager 
 Lady Mickleham ? That's rather serious, you 
 know ; isn't it now joking apart ? ' 
 
 ' I am disappointed,' I remarked, ' to find a 
 man of your experience paying any attention to 
 such an ill-natured old woman.' 
 
 'We have our rules,' he replied, 'and I'm 
 afraid, Mr. Carter, that until that caveat is 
 removed ' 
 
 ' You don't mean that ? ' 
 
 ' Really, I'm afraid so.' 
 
 ' Then I may as well go back,' said I, taking 
 my hat. 
 
 At this moment there was a knock at the 
 door. 
 
 ' Although I can't oblige you with an order 
 of admission,' said Rhadamanthus very civilly, 
 ' perhaps it would amuse you to listen to a case 
 or two. There's no hurry, you know. You've 
 got lots of time before you.' 
 
 ' It will be an extremely interesting experi- 
 ence,' said I, sitting down again. 
 
ONE WAY IN. 139 
 
 The door opened, and, as I expected (I don't 
 know why, but it happens like that in dreams), 
 Dolly Mickleham came in. She did not seem 
 to see me. She bowed to Rhadamanthus, smiled, 
 and took a chair immediately opposite the table. 
 
 'Mickleham 'Dorothea Countess of ' she 
 
 said. 
 
 ' Formerly, I think, Dolly Foster ? ' asked 
 Rhadamanthus. 
 
 ' I don't see what that's got to do with it,' said 
 Dolly. 
 
 'The account runs on,' he explained, and 
 began to consult his big book. Dolly leant 
 back in her chair, slowly peeling off her gloves. 
 Rhadamanthus shut the book with a bang. 
 
 ' It's not the least use,' he said decisively. ' It 
 wouldn't be kind to pretend that it was, Lady 
 Mickleham.' 
 
 'Dear, dear,' said Dolly. 'What's the 
 matter ? ' 
 
 ' Half the women in London have petitioned 
 against you.' 
 
 ' Have they really ? ' cried Dolly, to all appear- 
 ance rather delighted. ' What do they say, Mr. 
 Rhadamanthus? Is it in that book? Let me 
 look.' And she held out her hand. 
 
 ' The book's too heavy for you to hold/ said 
 he. 
 
 ' I'll come round,' said Dolly. So she went 
 round and leant over his shoulder and read the 
 book. 
 
 ' What's that scent you've got on ? ' asked 
 Rhadamanthus. 
 
1 40 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 1 Bouquet du diable,' said she. (I had never 
 heard of the perfume before). ' Isn't it sweet ? ' 
 
 ' I haven't smelt it since I was a boy,' sighed 
 Rhadamanthus. 
 
 ' Poor old thing ! ' said Dolly. ' I'm not going 
 to read all this, you know.' And, with a some- 
 what contemptuous smile, she walked back to 
 her chair. ' They ought to be ashamed of them- 
 selves,' she added, as she sat down. ' It's just 
 because I'm not a fright.' 
 
 'Aren't you a fright?' asked Rhadamanthus. 
 ' Where are my spectacles ? ' 
 
 He put them on and looked at Dolly. 
 
 ' I must go in, you know,' said Dolly, smiling 
 at Rhadamanthus. ' My husband has gone in ! ' 
 
 ' I shouldn't have thought you'd consider that 
 conclusive,' said he, with a touch of satire in his 
 tone. 
 
 ' Don't be horrid ! ' said Dolly, pouting. 
 
 There was a pause. Rhadamanthus examined 
 Dolly through his spectacles. 
 
 ' This is a very painful duty,' said he at last. 
 ' I have sat here for a great many years, and I 
 have seldom had a more painful duty.' 
 
 1 It's very absurd of you,' said Dolly. 
 
 ' I can't help it, though,' said he. 
 
 ' Do you really mean that I'm not to go in ? ' 
 
 ' I do, indeed,' said Rhadamanthus. 
 
 Dolly rose. She leant her arms on the raised 
 ledge which ran along the table, and she leant 
 her chin on her hands. 
 
 1 Really ? ' she said. 
 
 ' Really,' said he, looking the other way. 
 
ONE WAY IN. 141 
 
 A sudden change came over Dolly's face. 
 Her dimples vanished : her eyes grew pathetic 
 and began to shine rather than to sparkle : her 
 lip quivered just a little. 
 
 ' You're very unkind,' she said in an extremely 
 low tone. ' I had no idea you would be so 
 unkind.' 
 
 Rhadamanthus seemed very uncomfortable. 
 
 ' Don't do that,' he said quite sharply, 
 fidgeting with the blotting-paper. 
 
 Dolly began to move slowly round the table. 
 Rhadamanthus sat still. When she was stand- 
 ing close by him, she put her hand lightly on 
 his arm and said, 
 
 ' Please do, Mr. Rhadamanthus.' 
 
 ' It's as much as my place is worth,' he 
 grumbled. 
 
 Dolly's eyes shone still, but the faintest little 
 smile began to play about her mouth. 
 
 ' Some day,' she said (with total inappro- 
 priateness, now I come to think of it, though it 
 did not strike me so at the time), 'you'll be 
 glad to remember having done a kind thing. 
 When you're old because you are not really 
 old now, you know you will say, " I'm glad 
 I didn't send poor Dolly Mickleham away 
 crying." ' 
 
 Rhadamanthus uttered an inarticulate sound 
 half impatience, half, I fancy, something else. 
 
 ' We are none of us perfect, I daresay. If I 
 asked your wife ' 
 
 ' I haven't got a wife,' said Rhadamanthus. 
 
 ' That's why you're so hard-hearted,' said Dolly. 
 
M2 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 ' A man who's got a wife is never hard on other 
 women.' 
 
 There was another pause. Then Rhadaman- 
 thus, looking straight at the blotting-paper, 
 said, 
 
 ' Oh, well, don't bother me. Be off with 
 you ; ' and as he spoke the door behind him 
 opened. 
 
 Dolly's face broke out into sudden sunshine. 
 Her eyes danced, her dimples capered over her 
 chin. 
 
 ' Oh, you old dear ! ' she cried ; and, stooping 
 swiftly, she kissed Rhadamanthus. ' You're 
 horribly bristly ! ' she laughed ; and then, before 
 he could move, she ran through the door. 
 
 I rose from my seat, taking my hat and stick 
 in my hand. I felt, as you may suppose, that I 
 had been there long enough. When I moved 
 Rhadamanthus looked up, and with an attempt 
 at unconsciousness observed, 
 
 ' We will proceed with your case now, if you 
 please, Mr. Carter.' 
 
 I looked him full in the face. Rhadamanthus 
 blushed ! I pursued my way towards the 
 door. 
 
 ' Stop,' he said in a blustering tone. ' You 
 can't go there, you know.' 
 
 I smiled significantly. 
 
 ' Isn't it rather too late for that sort of thing? ' 
 I asked. ' You seem to forget that I have been 
 here for the last quarter of an hour.' 
 
 ' I didn't know she was going to do it/ he 
 protested. 
 
ONE WAY IN. 143 
 
 ' Oh, of course,' said I, ' that will be your story. 
 Mine, however, I shall tell in my own way." 
 
 Rhadamanthus blushed again. Evidently he 
 felt that he was in a delicate position. We were 
 standing thus, facing one another, when the 
 door began to open again, and Dolly put her 
 head out. 
 
 ' Oh, it's you, is it ? ' she said. ' I thought I 
 heard your voice. Come along and help me to 
 find Archie.' 
 
 ' This gentleman says I'm not to come in,' 
 said I. 
 
 ' Oh, what nonsense ! Now, you really mustn't 
 be silly, Mr. Rhadamanthus, or I shall have 
 
 to Mr. Carter, you weren't there, were 
 
 you?' 
 
 ' I was and a more interesting piece of 
 scandal it has seldom been ' 
 
 ' Hush ! I didn't do anything. Now, you 
 know I didn't, Mr. Carter ! ' 
 
 ' No,' said I, ' you didn't. But Rhadamanthus, 
 taking you unawares ' 
 
 ' Oh, be off with you both of you ! ' cried 
 Rhadamanthus. 
 
 ' That's sensible,' said Dolly. ' Because, you 
 know, there really isn't any harm in poor Mr. 
 Carter.' 
 
 Rhadamanthus vanished. Dolly and I went 
 inside. 
 
 ' I suppose everything will be very different 
 here,' said Dolly, and I think she sighed. 
 
 Whether it were or not I don't know, for 
 just then I awoke, and found myself saying 
 
144 THE DOLLY DIALOGUES. 
 
 aloud, in answer to the dream-voice and the 
 dream-face (which had not gone altogether with 
 the dream), 
 
 'Not everything' a speech that, I agree, I 
 ought not to have made, even though it were 
 only in a dream. 
 
 Filmed by Hazell, Watson, ft Viney, Ld., London and Aylesbury. 
 
3 1986 
 
A 000 563 888