I THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES FREDERIC THOMAS BLANCHARD ENDOWMENT FUND THE CONNOISSEUR. By Mr. TOW N, CRITIC and CENSOR-GENERAL. VOLUME THE FIRST. ...... NON DK VILLIS DOM1BUSVE ALIFNIS, HOR. THE FIFTH EDITION. X F O R D: Printed for R. BALDWIN, in Pater-nofter Row, LONDON; and fold by W. JACKSON, in the High-Street, OXFORD. M.DCC.LXVII. /36J C? ****'** C O N T E N*nT S OF THE FIRST VOLUME. NUMB. PAGE I. QURVEY of The TOWN. Characters at O Garraway's, Bat/on's, St. Paul's, and the Chapter Coffee-hou-fes ; at the Temple, the Bed- ford Coiree-houfe, White' 's, and other Places. Mr. TOWN'S Defign in thefe Papers. . I II. On the different Branches of VIRTU. Letter, containing a Catalogue of Pictures collected abroad by an eminent Jew, Letter from a Gamefter, advifing the Author to undertake a Defence of Gaming. . 1 1 III. The OCEAN of INK, a Dream. 18 IV. Account of a new Order of Females, called DEMI-REPS. . . 27 V. Letter from a Phyfician, with the Account of a PLAGUE newly broke out in London. Different Appearances and Effects of it on a Great Man ; on Members of Parliament ; on Land and Sea- Officers; on a Common Council Maa, and an Alderman of the City ; on the Club at White's ; on the Ladies, particularly a Maid of Honour; and others. . . . . 35 A z 11897S6 v CONTENTS. NUMB. P.ACE VI. EDUCATION of the MUSES, a Fable; with its Application to Authors. Progrefs of an Author exemplified in Mr. TOWN'S own Life. 44 VII. Letter, on MARRIED PEOPLE FONDLING BEFORE COMPANY. Behaviour of a loving Couple at Dinner. Indecency of modern Plays cenfured. 53 VIII. On the EXTERNAL ORNAMENTS ufed by Wri- ters. Advantages arifing to them from the Arts ufed in Printing. 60 IX. OUFREE-THINKING. Abufes committed by the Vulgar in this Point. Free-thinking Debates at the RcbinHood Society. TheUNBELiFVER's C RE E D. Mr. TOWN'S Addrefs to both Koufes of Parliament. 68 X. On the Wantof LEARNING in LAND-OFFICERS. 77 XI. On the EXCURSIONS of young ACADEMICS to London. S tech's Character of young Bookivit, an Oxonian. Converfation between two in the Bedford Coffee houfe, and of a Set of them at the Skakefpeare. Journal of a Week's Tranf- adlions of an Oxonian in Town. ODE, imitated from Horace, fent by a Fellow-Collegian to one of thefe Academical Rakes. 84 XII. Abfurdity of Lord Eolingbroke reprefenting Mo- fes, as making Beafts accountable for Crimes. TRIAL of BEASTS, a Vifion. Indictments againft an Hog, a Cat, a Parrot, a Milch-Afs, a Monkey, a Lion, and other Animals. 91 XIII. CONTENTS. x v NUMB. PAGE XIII. Letter from Mr. Vi L L A c E, concerning ELECTIONS. Account of a Borough Town divided into two Parties, Chrijlians and Jews. An Anti - Judaic Entertainment. Character of a Country Knight, a violent Enemy to the Jews. 99 XIV. Letter, complainingof the WmspERERsand GiGLERsamongtheFAiRSEX. Jnftance of their rude Behaviour during a Vifit. WHIS- PERING andGiGLiNG improper at Church, in the Play-houfe, and other Places. 106 XV. On BETS : particularly, on the Cuflom of PITTING, as practifed at White's ; i. e. flaking one Man's Life againft another. Character of Montana a noble Gamefter. 1 14 XVI. Letter from Oxford, on the STOR y of Shake- fpeare's Merchant of Venice. Copy of an ori- ginal Ballad, (preferved in the Ajhtnolean MufteumJ from which Shakefpeare is fuppo- fed to have borrowed Part of his Plot. 122 XVII. Letter, proving the City of London to be an UNIVERSITY. Arts and Sciences taught there in greater Perfection than at Oxford or Cambridge. " " 1 3 o XVIII. On the DISHONESTY of CONNOISSEURS. Inftances of it, and Punimment propofed for it. Story of a Virtuofo* Defign to rob a Church, 138 XIX. v i CONTENTS. NUMB. PAGE XIX. Letter, on the different TASTES in EATING. Luxury at White's* Difference between the Taverns about St. James's 2nd t\\t y Change. Of the Taverns about Convent-Garden. Story of a Cook at one of them, toffing up the Shoe of a Fille de Joye in a Ragout. Cha- racters to be met with at Chop-houfes, &c. Letter from Gcliah Englijh, remon- ilrating againft the falhionable Neglect fhewn to ROAST BEEF. . 145 XX. Letter from a Lady of Quality in the Country, defcribing the Miferies (he is obliged to un- dergo on account of Election Matters. Reflections on the dangerous Confequences of Ladies interfering in ELECTIONS; with a Propofal to prevent them. 154. XXI. TQUASSOUW and KNONMCVUAIHA, an Hot- tent &t Story. . 161 XXII. Letter, on the modern Method of EDUCA- TION. Characters of Lady Belle Modely and the Colonel her Hufband. Confe- quences of the fafhionable EDUCATION of their Son and Daughter. __. 171 XXIII. tetter from Mr. VILLAGE, with a Defcription of a QUACK-DOCTOR, and a Company of STROLLING PLAYERS in a Country Town. 179 XXIV, On the LEARNING of the POLITE WORLD. Proper Studies for Perfons of Fafhion. Letter, CONTENTS. vii NUM?. PACE Letter, containing a Scheme for a POLITE CIRCULATING LIBRARY; with a Speci- men of the Books . . n.. 1 86 XXV. On the Vanity of People mailing an AP- PEARANCE above their CIRCUMSTANCES. Pride and Poverty of a little Frenchman, known by the Name of Count. Artifices in Drefs made Ufe of by the Shabby Genteel. Second-Hand Gentry among the Women. Ihftances of this VANITY in feveral Fa- milies: And in the Men of Pleafure without Fortunes. Story f an Oeconomift, who kept a Miftrefs. 104. XXVI. On the AMUSEMENTS of SUNDAY. Beha- viour of Citizens, and Diary of a CiYs Tranfa&ions, on that Day. Proposal for ABOLISHING CHRISTIANITY, and turning the CHURCHES into FREE-THINKING MEETING-HOUSES. 201 XXVIT. On HARD WORDS. AffeftedUfe of them cenfured In Abflraft Speculations In Voyage* Writers In the Pulpit InEftzys, and other Familiar Writings And in C;/z- mon Confer fat ion. < 209 XXVIII. On CONSCIENCE. Terrible Exit of Tom Dare-Devil, a Buck, aod an Atheift. Summary of the moil' notorious Actions of his Life. 216 XXIX. On the VANITY of AUTHORS. Different Reception and Fate of thefe Eflays. Mr. TOWN'S viii CONTENTS. NUMB. PAGE TOWN'S Comparifon of himfelf to a PAPER-KITE 224 XXX. On BOXING. Account of a BOXING-MATCH between Slack zndPefif. Encomium, on Slack. Prohibition of BOXING lamented. PrefentDiftrefsof Bruifers. BOXING con- fidered as a Branch of Gaming. 23 XXXI. Letter, on DUELLING. Mr. TOWN an Ad- vocate for it. Propofal for making DUELS a public Diverjion. Form of a Challenge, with the Anfwer t from two Duellifts. 239 XXXII. Letter, againil SNUFF-TAKING. This Cuftom inexcufable in the Men, but abominable in the other Sex. 247 XXXIII. Letter, on theViLLASof ourTRADESMEN. Defcription of them. A Sunday-Vifit to a Citizen at his Country-Houfe, with an Account of it. 255 XXXIV. On the JUGGLE of theTnEATRE, withRe- fpecl toSpEAKiNG, ACTING, andDRESs. Fine Speaking exploded. Attitudes cen- fured. Impropriety of Dre/s pointed out, in Romeo and Macbeth. 263 XXXV. Letter, in Praife of the Robin Hood Society. Amazing Eloquence of their Orators. Subject of their Debates. Account of feme former Members of this Society. 271 THE WWMHMM3< I & I X I X | X I X I T H E CONNOISSEUR. By Mr. ST O W N, CRITIC and CENSOR-GENERAL. NUMB. I. Thursday, January 31, 1754. Ordine gentis Mores, et ftudia, et populos, et praelia dicam. VIRG. Their Jiudies and perfults in order flown, "21s mine to mark the Manners of THE TOWN. ^.oooo^cote^. S I have afiumed the chara&er of I I CENSOR-GENERAL, I fhall follow g the example of the old Roman Cen- ^.Moo^eooo^. for ; the firft part of whofe duty was to review the people, and diftribute them into their feveral divifions. I (hall therefore enter upon VOL. I. B my 2 The CONNOISSEUR. N'. r. my office, by taking a curfory furvey of what is ufually called The TOWN. In this I {hall not confine myfelf to the exact method of a geo- grapher, but carry the reader fom one quarter to another, as it may fuit my convenience, or beft contribute to his entertainment. W H E N a comedian, celebrated for his ex- cellence in the part of Sbylock, firft undertook that character, he made daily vifits to the center of bufmefs, the 'Change and the adjacent coffee-houfes ; that by a frequent intercourfe and converfation with " the unforefkinn'd race," he might habituate himfelf to their air and de- portment. A like defire of penetrating into the mod fecret fprings of action in thefe people has often led Me there ; but I was never more di- verted than at Garraway's a few days before the drawing of the lottery. I not only could read hope, fear, and all the various paflions excited by a love of gain, ftrongly pictured in the faces of thofe who came to buy ; but I remarked with no lefs delight, the many little artifices made ufe of to allure adventurers, as well as the vifible al- terations in the looks of the fellers, according as the demand for tickets gave occafion to raife or lower their price. So deeply were the counte- nances of thefe bubble-brokers imprefied with N*.i. 57* CONNOISSEUR. 3 an attention to the main chance, and their tninds feemed fo dead to all other fenfations, that one might almoft doubt, where money is out of the cafe, whether a Jew " has eyes, hands, or- " gans, dimenfions, fenfes, affections, pafiions." FROM Garraways it is but a fliort flep to a gloomy clafs of mortals, not lefs intent on gain than the ftock-jobber : I mean the difpenfers of life and death, who flock together, like birds of prey watching for carcafes, at Baffin's. I never enter this place, but it ferves as a memento mon to me. What a formal alTemblage of fable fuits,' and tremendous perukes ! I have often met here a moft intimate acquaintance, whom I have fcarce known again ; a fprightly young fellow, with whom I have fpent many a jolly hour ; but being juft dubbed a graduate in phyfic, he has gained fuch an entire conqueft over the rifible mufcles, that he hardly vouchfafes at any time to fmile. I have heard him harrangue, with all the oracular importance of a veteran, on the pofiibility of Canning's fubfifting for a whole month on a few bits of bread ; and he is now preparing a treatife, in which will be fet forth a new and infallible method to prevent the fpreading of the plague from France into England. Batfens has been reckoned the feat of folemn flupidity : yet 62 is 4 The CONNOISSEUR. NM. ' is it not totally devoid of tafte and common fenfe. They have among them phyficians, who can cope with the moft eminent lawyers or divines ; and critics, who can relifh the fal volatile of a witty compofition, or determine 'how much fire is re- quifite tofubfirrurte a tragedy fecundum artem. EMERGING from thefe difmal regions, I am glad to breathe the pure air in St.. Paul's coffee- houfe : where (as I profefs the higheft veneration for our clergy) I cannot contemplate the magni- ficence of the cathedral without reflecting on the abject condition of thofe " tatter'd crapes," who are faid to ply here for an occafional burial or fermon, with the fame regularity as the happier drudges, who falute us with the cry of " coach, " fir," or " chair your honour." AND here my publifher would not forgive me, was I to leave the neighbourhood without taking notice of the Chapter coffee-houfe, which is fre- quented by thofe encouragers of literature, and (as they are ftiled by an eminent critic) " not " the worft judges of merit, the bookfellers." The converfation here naturally turns upon the neweft publications ; but their criticifms are fome- what "Angular. When they fay a good book, they do not mean to praife the ilile or fentiment, but N. i. The CONNOISSEUR. 5 but the quick and extenfive fale of it. That book in the phrafe of the CONGER is beft, which fells moft : and if the demand for Quarles ftiould be greater than for Pope, he would have the higheft place on the rubric-port. There are alfo many parts of every work liable to their remarks, which fall not within the notice of lefs accurate obfervers. A few nights ago I faw one of thefe gentlemen take up a fermon, and after feeming to perufe it for fome time with great attention, he delarod, " it was very good Englifo" The reader will judge whether I was moft furprifed or diverted, when I difcovered, that he was not commending the purity and elegance of the dic- tion, but the beauty of the type ; which, it feems, is known among the printers by that appellation. We muft not, however, think the members of the CONGER ftrangers to the deeper parts of literature ; for as carpenters, fmiths, mafons, and all mechanics fmell of the trade they labour at, bookfellers take a peculiar turn from their con- nexions with books and authors. The charac- ter of the bookfeller is commonly formed on the writers in his fervice. Thus one is a poli- tician or a deift ; another affects humour, or aims at turns of wit and repartee ; while a third perhaps is grave, moral, and fententious. B 3 THE 6 The CONNOISSEUR. NM. THE Temple is the barrier, that divides the city and fuburbs; and the gentlemen, vvhorefide there, feem influenced by the fituation of the place they inhabit. Templars are, in general, a kind of citizen -courtiers. They aim at the air and mien of the drawing-room ; but the holiday fmartnefs of a prentice, heightened with fome additional touches of the rake or coxcomb, be- trays itfelf in every thing they do. The Temple, however, is flocked with it's peculiar beaux, wits, poets, critics, and every character in the gay world : And it is a thoufand pities, that fo pretty a fociety fhould be difgraced with a few dull fel- lows, who can fubmit to puzzle themfelves with cafes and reports, and have not tafte enough to follow the genteel method of ftudying the law. I SHALL now, like a true ftudent of the Temple^ hurry from thence to drvent-Garden, the acknow- ledged region of gallantry, wit, and criticifm ; and hope to be excufed for not flopping at George's in my way, as the Bedford affords a greater variety of nearly the fame characters. This coffee-houfe is every night crouded with men of parts. Almoft every one you meet is a polite fcholar and a wit. Jokes and bon mots are echoed from box to box ; every branch of litera- ture is critically examined, and the merit of every N.x. Tht CONNOISSEUR. 7 every production of the prefs, or performance at the theatres, weighed and determined. This fchool (to which I am myfelf indebted for a great part of my education, and in which, though unworthy, I am now arrived at the honour of being a public leclurer) has bred up many au- thors, to the amazing entertainment and inftruc- tion of their readers. Button's^ the grand arche- type of the Bedford^ was frequented by Addifon^ Steele, Pope, and the reft of that celebrated fet, who flouriflied at the beginning of this century ; and was regarded with juft deference on account of the real geniufles who frequented it. But we can now boaft men of fuperior abilities; men, who without any one acquired excellence, by the mere dint of an happy affurance, can exa& the fame tribute of veneration, and receive it as due to the illuftrious characters, the fcribblers, players, fiddlers, gamblers, that make fo large a part of the company at the Bedford. I SHALL now take leave of Cogent-Gar den * and defire the reader's company to Whites. Here (as Varibrugb fays of Locket's) u he may have a " difh no bigger than a faucer, that fhall coft " him fifty (hillings." The great people, who frequent this place, do not interrupt their politer amufements, like the wretches at Garraway^ B 4 with 8 The CONNOISSEUR. No.*, with bufmefs, any farther than to go down to Wefiminfter one feffions to vote for a bill, and the next to repeal it. Nor do they trouble themfelves with literary debates, as at the Bedford. Learn- ing is beneath the notice of a man of quality. They employ themfelves more fafhionably at whift for the trifle of a thoufand pounds the rubber, 'or by making bets on the lye of the day. FROM this very genteel place the reader muft not be furprifed, if I fhould convey him to a cellar, or a common porter- houfe. For as it is jny province to delineate and remark on man- kind in general, whoever becomes my difciple muft not refufe to follow me from the Star and Garter to the Goofe and Gridiron^ and be content to climb after me up to an author's garret, or give me leave to introduce him to a route. In my prefent curfory view of The TOWN I have, in- deed, confined myfelf principally to coffee- houfes ; though I conftantly vifit all places, that afford any matter for fpeculation. 1 am a Scotchman at Forre/Tsy a Frenchman at Slaughters, and at the .Cocoa-Tree I am an ENGLISHMAN. At the Rolin Hood I am a politician, a logician, a geo- metrician, a phyfician, a metaphyfician, a ca- fuift, a moralift, a theologift, a mythologift, or any thing but an Atheift. Wherever the WORLD N.r. The CONNOISSEUR. 9 WORLD is, I am. You will therefore hear of me fometimes at the theatres, fometimes perhaps at the opera : Nor (hall I think the exhibitions of Sadler's WelU^ or the Little Theatre in the Hay- market^ beneath my notice ; but may one day or other give a diflertation upon Tumbling^ or ( if they fhould again become popular) a critique on Dogs and Monkeys. THOUGH the Town is the walk I (hall gene- rally appear in, let it not be imagined, that vice and folly will (hoot up unnoticed in the country. My coufm VILLAGE has undertaken that pro- vince, and will fend me the fremeft advices of every fault or foible that takes root there. But as it is my chief ambition to pleafe and inftrucl: the ladies, I (hall embrace every opportunity of devoting my labours to their fervice : and I may with juftice congratulate myfelf upon the happi- nefs of living in an age, when the female part of the world are fo ftudious to find employment for a CENSOR. THE character of Mr. TOWN is, I flatter myfelf, too well known to need an explanation. How far, and in what fenfe, I propofe to be a CONNOISSEUR, the reader will gather from my general motto : B 5 Non io Wx CONNOISSEUR. NM. Non de villis domibufve alienis, Nee male necneLepos faltetj fed quod magis ad nos Pertinet, et nefcire malum eft, agitamus. HOR, JVho better knows to build^ and who to dance y Or this from Italy, or that from France, Our CONNOISSEUR will neer pretend to fcan, Bui point the follies of mankind to man. Th 1 important knowledge of ourfelves explain^ Which not to know all knoivkdge is but vain. As CRITIC and CENSOR-GENERAL, I fhall take the liberty to animadvert on every thing, that appears to me vicious or ridiculous ; always endeavouring " to hold, as 'twere, the mirrour " up to Nature, to (hew Virtue her own feature, " ( Scorn her own image, and the very Age and % body of the Time his form and prefiure. NUMB. N.2. Tbt CONNOISSEUR. tr NUMB. II. Thurfday> February 7 , 1754. . . -- CommifTa quod audio vendit Stantibus, oenophorum, tripodes, armaria, ciftas. Juv. S) fujly medals^ marbles old, By Sloane collefted) or by Langford fold. I HAVE already received letters from feveral Vlrtuofi) exprefling their aftoni&ment and concern at my difappointing the warm hopes they had conceived of my undertaking fiom the title of my paper. They tell me, that by de- ferting the paths of Virtu^ I at once neglect the public intereft and my own ; that by fupporting the character of CONNOISSEUR in its ufual fenfe, I might have obtained very confiderable falaries from the principal auction- rooms, toy-fhops, and repofitories j and might befides very plaufibly have recommended myfelf as the propereft perfon in the world, to be keeper of Sir Hum Shane's Mufeum. I CANNOT be infenfible of the importance of this capital bufmefs of Tafte, and how much reputation as well as profit would accrue to my B 6 labours, 12 Th CONNOISSEUR. N. 2. labours, by confining -them to the minuteft re- fearches into nature and art, and poring over the ruft of antiquity. I very well know, that the difcovery of a new Zoophyte, or fpecies of the Pcfyp/y would be as valuable as that of the Lon- gitude. The cabinets of the curious would fur- nifh out matter for my efTays, more inftru&ing than all the learned lumber of a Vatican. Of what confequence would it be, to point out the diftinclions of originals from copies fo precifely, that the paltry fcratchings of a modern may ne- ver hereafter be palmed on a Connoijfiur for the labours of a Rembrandt ! I fhould command ap- plaufe from the adorers of antiquity, were I to demonftrate, that merit never exifted but in the fchools of the old painters, never flourifhed but in the warm climate of Italy : And how ftiould I rife in the efteem of my countrymen, by chaftifing the arrogance of an Englishman in prefuming to determine the Analyfis of Beauty ! AT other times I might take occafion to {hew my fagacity in conjectures on rufly coins and illegible marbles. What profound erudition is contained in an half-obliterated antique piece of copper! TRAJ. IMP. P. VII. C O S S. MAX. *** TREB. V. P. P. S. C. ; and how mntieiUoug, moll courteous anH rrete N.2. The CONNOISSEUR. 13 toorti?gc testier, would the barbarous infcription of fome ancient monument appear to thee, and how pleafaunt to tfjpne egne tontfjeall, thus preferved in its obfolete fpelling, and original 3Blac& ^arafet ! To this branch of Tafte I am more particularly prefTed : A correfpondent defires to know, whe- ther I was of the party, that lately took a furvey of Palmyra in the Defart ; another, if I have tra- verfed the Holy Land, or vifited Mount Calvary: I fhall not fpeak too proudly of my travels : but as my predeceflbr the SPECTATOR has recom- mended himfelf by having made a trip to Grand Cairo to take meafure of a pyramid, I afTure my reader, that I have climbed Mount Vefuvio in the midft of it's eruptions, and dug fome time under- ground in the ruins of Herculaneum. I SHALL always be follicitous to procure the cfteem of fo refpeclable a body as the Connoiffiurs ; fince I cannot but be fenfible, could I any way merit it by my labours, how much more important the name of Mr. TOWN would appear, dignified with the addition of F. R. S. or Member of the Society of Antiquarians. I therefoge take this early opportunity of obliging the curious with a letter from a very eminent perfonage, who, as well as myfelf, is lately become a CONNOISSEUR, and is known to have gone abroad for no other purpofe, than to buy Piflurff* To 14 The CONNOISSEUR. N. 2. To Mr. **** ****** f DEAR SIR, TH E hurry in which I left England muft have convinced you how much I was in earneft, when I talked of making a valuable collection of pictures. By my frequent attend- ance on fales, I already know almoft as much of painting, as I do of the funds ; and can talk as learnedly of light and (hade, figure, proportion, drapery, &c. as of the rife and fall of ftocks. I have, however, been very much embarrafled in getting together a collection, fuitable to the reli - gion I profefs. The famous painters were moft of them fuch bigots to their own way of think- ing, that they have fcarce left any thing be- hind them but Holy Families, Dead Chrijls, and Madonas-, fubjecls, which to me and my tribe are odious and abominable. A picture, fmce it has the property of being the language of all mankind, mould never be particular in it's fubject ; but we (hould paint, as the Englijh are taught to pray, " for all Jews, Turks, Infidels " and Heretics."" WHEN I have made the tour of Italy ^ I will fend you a complete lift of all my purchafes : in the mean time, the following fhort fpecimen will enable N. 2. The CONNOISSEUR. 15 enable you to judge of my precautions, in felect- ing pieces fuitable to my character, and not offen- five to my principles. THE firft that I bought was " the Elevation " of the GOLDEN CALF." This I (hall fet up in the Royal Exchange, as a typical reprefentation of myfelf, to be worfhipped by all brokers, in- furers, fcriveners, and the whole fraternity of flock-jobbers. THE fecond is " the Triumph of GIDEON.'* This I intended, if a late project in favour of our brethren had not mifcarried, fhould have been hung up in St. Stephen's Chapel, as a memorial of our victory over the Uncircumcifed. THE third and fourth are " PETER denying " his Mafter," and " JUDAS betraying him for * c thirty pieces of filver;" both which I defign as prefents to our two worthy friends, the B 9 of and , THE next which I fhall mention to you, de- ferves particular notice ; and this is " the Prophet " of Nazareth himfelf, conjuring the Devil into " an herd of Swine." From this piece, when I return to England^ I intend to have a print engraved 5 16 7fo CONNOISSEUR. N. 2. engraved; being very proper to be had in all Jewijh families, as a neceflary prefervative againft Pork and Chriftianity. I SHALL not tire you with a particular detail of fome other lefler pieces ; fuch as The Deluge, in water colours The New Jerufalem, in perfpective Some Ruins of the Temple A Publican at the Receipt of Cuftom and a SAMPSON in miniature. BESIDES thefe, I have employed an ingenious artift here to execute a defign of my own. It is a picture of FORTUNE, not (landing (as in the common ftile) upon a kind of cart-wheel, but on the two wheels of the lottery ; with a reprefenta- tion of a net caft over the lefler engroflers of tickets, while a CHIEF MANAGER is breaking his way through the mefhes. I MUST not forget to tell you, that I have picked up an infamous pourtrait, by an Englijb hand, called SHYLOCK ; with the following infcrip- tion under it, taken I fuppofe from the London Evening Poft, or that impudent FOOL the Ga- zetteer : " They have difgraced me, and hin- " dered me half a million, laught at my lofTes, ." mockt at my gains, fcorned my nation, " thwarted N e .2. The CONNOISSE UR. 17 " thwarted my bargain?, cooled my friends, M heated mine enemies; - and what's the * 8 reafon ? I am a JEW." A s foon as the parliament is diflblved, you may expet to fee me in England ; till when I am, dear fir, yours, &c. I SHALL here fubjoin a letter of a very differ- ent ftamp ; which points out to me another walk as a CONNOISSEUR, not lefs extenfive perhaps, and more agreeable to the modern tafte, than that of Virtu. To Mr. " whofe bafes are founded upon rocks, and " whofe tops feem loft in the clouds, are fituated ** in the ISLE OF FAME. Contiguous to thefe, " you may difcern by the glittering of its golden " fands, is the COAST OF GAIN, which leads to " a fertile and rich Country. All the veflels, " which are yonder failing with a fair wind on " the main fea, are making towards one or other " of thefe : but you will obferve, that on their " firft fetting out they were irrefiftibly drawn " into the EDDIES OF CEITICISM, where they " were obliged to encounter the mod dreadful " tempefts and hurricanes. In thefe dangerous " {freights, you fee with what violence every bark e CONNOISSEUR. N\ 3 , " CURRENT OF POLITICS, often fatal to thofe " who venture on it." I could not but take notice of a poor wretch on the oppofite more, fattened by the ears to a terrible machine. This, the GENIUS informed me, was the memorable Defoe, fet up there as a land-mark, to prevent future mariners from fplitting on the fame rock. To this turbulent profpeft fucceeded objects of a more placid nature. In a little creek, winding through flowery meads and ihady groves, I de- fcried feveral gilded yachts and pleafurenboats, all of them keeping due time with their filver oars, and gliding along the fmooth, even, calm, regularly flowing RIVULETS OF RHYME. Shep^ herds and fhepherdefies played on the banks; the fails were gently fwelled with the foft breezes of amorous fighs ; and little Loves fported in the filken cordage. My attention was now called of? from thefe pacific fcenes to an obftinate engagement be- tween feveral fhips, diftinguifhed from all others by bearing the Holy Crofs for their colours. Thefe, the GENIUS told me, were employed in the Holy War of Religious Controverfy ; and he pointed out to me a few Corfairs in the fervice of the Infideh, fometimes aiding one party, fome- times fiding with the other, as might bed con- tribute to the general confufion. N. 3. The CONNOISSEUR. 25 I OBSERVED in different parts of the ocean feve- ral gallies, which were rowed by flaves. " Thofe, c faid the GENIUS, are fitted out by very oppref- " five owners, and are all of them bound to the " COAST OF GAIN. The miferable wretches, " whom you fee chained to the oars, are obliged " to tug without the leaft refpite ; and though w the voyage (hould turn out fuccefsful, they " have little or no {hare in the profits. Some few " you may obferve, who rather chufe to make a e can patiently fubmit ? IT were needlefs to enumerate many other par- ticulars, that engaged my notice. Among the reft was a large fleet of Annotators, Dtttch-built 9 which failed very heavy, were often a-ground, and continually ran foul on each other. The whole ocean, I alfo found, was infefted by pi- VOL. I. C rates, 26 The CONNOISSEUR. N. 3. rates, who ranfacked every rich veflel that came in their way. Moft of thefe were endeavouring to make the COAST OF GAIN by hanging ut falfe colours, or by forging their paff-ports, and pretending to be freighted out by the moft repu- table traders. MY eyes were at laft fixed, I know not how, on a fpacious channel, running through the midft of a great city. I felt fuch a fecret impulfe at this fight, that I could not help enquiring particularly about it. " The difcovery of that paflage, faid " the GENIUS, was firft made by one Btckerftaf, c in the good fhip called The TATLER, and who u afterwards embarked in The SPECTATOR and " GUARDIAN. Thefe have been followed fmce by a number of little floops, fkiffs, hoys, and ' CONNOISSEUR. 27 NUMB. IV. Thurfday, February 2 5, 1754. Conjugium vocat, hoc praetexit nomine culpam. VlRG. JPhere matrimony veils /// incefluous ///>, And whore is Jhelter'd in the name of wife. IT is with the utmoft concern I have heard myfelf within this week paft accufed at feveral tea-tables, of not being a man of my word. The female part of my readers exclaim againft me for not having as yet paid my particular addreffes to the fair. " Who is this Mr. TOWN ? fays one : and applying his foot di- reftly N 9 . 5 . Thi CONNOISSEUR. 43 redly to my fundament kicked me down flairs. This very morning I efcaped almoft by miracle from the contagion which raged in the moft violent degree through a whole family. The matter and miftrefs were both of them in a very high fever, and quite frantic and delirious : Their tongues were prodigioufly inflamed, with the tip very (harp, and perpetually vibrating without the leaft intermiflion. I would have prefcribed fome cooling and lenitive medicines; but the hufband in the heighth of his phrenfy flung my tye-wig into the fire, and his wife fluiced me with extravafated urine. As I retired with pre- cipitation, I heard the fame wild ravings from the nurfery, the kitchen, and every other quar- ter, which convinced me that the peftilence had feized the whole houfe. I ran out of doors as faft as pofiible, refleaing with Terence, " If Health " herfelf would fave this family, fhe could not." Ipfa fi cupiat Salus, Servare prorsus non poteft hanc familiam. UPON the whole, I may conclude with the aphorifm of Hippocrates ; " that no people can " poflibly be afflicted with fo many and fo terri- " ble diforders, unlefs the PLAGUE is among them." W I am, fir, yours, &c. B. G. 44 The CONNOISSEUR. N. 6. NUMB. VI. Tburfday, March 7, 1754. Quid aiat formetque poetam. HOR. PraRice alone mujl form the writer's head, And etfry author to tbt trade be bred. I REMEMBER to have feen, in fome old Italian poet, a fable called " The Education of the " Mufes." Apollo is there faid to have taken them at their birth under his immediate care, and as they grew up, to have inftrudled them, ac- cording to their different capacities, in the feveral branches of playing and finging. Thalia, we are told, was of a lively turn, and took delight in the moft comic airs ; but was at firft with diffi- culty reftrained from falling into ridiculous drol- leries, and what our author calls extravaganzas in her manner. Melpomene, who was of a ferious and grave difpofition, indulged herfelf in (trains of melancholy 5 but when fhe aimed at the moft pathetic ftrokes, was often harfh, or run into wild divifions. Clio, and the reft of the Nine, had not yet learned to temper their voices with fweetnefs and variety j nor could they tell how to N.6. rbt CONNOISSEUR. 45 to regulate the ftops 'of their flutes, or touch the firings of their lyres, with judgment and grace. However, by much practice, they improved gra- dually under the inftru&ions of Apollo ', till at laft they were able to exert all the powers of mufic : And they now form a complete concert, which fills all Parnaffus with the moft enchanting harmony. THE moral to be drawn from this little fable is naturally applied to thofe fervants of the Mufes, Authors ; who muft neceflarily rife, by the fame flow degrees, from their firft lame attempts in cultivating the arts of dpollo. The beft of them, without doubt, went through many more ftage* of writing, than appears from the palpable gra- dations ftill remaining in their works. But as it is impoffible to trace them from their firft fetting out, I (hall here prefent the reader with the fum of my own experience, and illufrrate, in the life of Mr. TOWN, the progrefs of an Author. RIGHT or wrong, I have ever been addicted to fcribbling. I was famous at fchool for my readinefs at crambo and capping verfes : I often made themes for other boys, and fold my cop$"~ for a tart or a cuftard : At nine years old I was taken notice of for an EngKJb diftich 5 and after- wards 46 The CONNOISSEUR. N. 6. wards immortalized myfelf by an holiday's talk in the fame language, which my matter, who was himfelf a poet, pronounced to be fcarce inferior to his favourite Blackmore. Thefe were followed by a multitude of little pieces ; which, like other fruits that come before their feafon, had nothing to recommend them but their early appearance. FILLED, however, with great conceptions of my genius and importance, I could not but la- ment, that fuch extraordinary parts fhould be confined within the narrow circle of my relations and acquaintance. Therefore, in order to oblige and amaze the public, I foon became a very large contributor to the monthly magazines. But I had the unfpeakable mortification to fee my fa- vours, fometimes not inferted, fometimes poft- poned, often much altered, and you may be fure always for the worfe. On all thefe occafions, I never failed to condemn the arrogance and folly of the compilers of thefe mifcellanies ; wonder- ing how they could fo grofsly miftake their own intereft, and negledt the entertainment of their readers. ** IN the mean time a maiden aunt, with whom | lived, a very pious old lady, turned Methodift, and N.6. The CONNOISSEUR. 47 and often took me with her to the Tabernacle, the Foundery, and many private meetings. This made fuch an impreffion upon my mind, that I devoted myfelf entirely to facred fubje&s, and wrote feveral hymns, which were received with infinite applaufe by all the good women, who vi- fited my aunt; and (the fervants being alfo Me- thodifts) they were often fung by the whole fa- mily in the kitchen. I might perhaps in time have rivalled Wejky in thefe divine compofitions, and had even begun an entire new veriion of the Pfalms ; when my aunt, changing her religion a fecond time, became a Moravian. But the hymns ufually fung by the United Brethren contain fenti- ments fo fublime and fo incomprehenfible, that notwithstanding my late fuccefs in that kind of poetry, and the great opinion I entertained of my own talents, I durft not venture on their ftile and manner. As love and poetry mutually produce each other, it is no wonder, that before I was feven- teen I had fmgled out my particular Sacharifla. This, you may fuppofe, gave birth to innume- rable fongs, elegies, and acroftics. In the fpace of two years I had written more love-verfes than Waller or any other poet ; when, juft as I ima- gined I had rhymed myfelf into her good graces, I had 4 8 n/ CONNOISSEUR. N. 6. I had the mortification to find that my miftrefs was married to a cornet of horfe, a fellow, who I am fare never wrote a line in his life. This threw me into fuch a vioient rage againft the whole fex, that I immediately burnt every fy liable I had written in her praife, and in bitternefs of foul tranilated the fixth fatire of JieuenaL So oK after this the fon and heir of Lord Townley^ to whom I have the honour of being a diftant relation, was engaged in a treaty of mar- riage with a rich heirefs. I fat down immediately with great compofure to write an Epithalamium on this occafion. I trimmed Hymen's torch, and invited the Loves and Graces to the wedding : Concord was prepared to join their hands, and Juno to blefs them with a numerous race of chil- dren. After all thefe pains, when every thing was ready for the wedding, and the laft hand put to the Epithalamium, the match was fuddenly broke off, and my poem of courfe rendered ufe- lefs. I was more uneafy under this difappoint- ment, than any of the parties could poflibly be ; till I was informed of the fudden marriage of a noble lord with a celebrated beauty. On this po- pular occafion, promifing myfelf univerfal ap- plaufe, I immediately publifhed my Epithala- mium i which, like Bayes's Prologue, was artfully N.6. The CONNOISSEUR. 49 artfully contrived to fcrve one purpofe as well as another. As my notions had been hitherto confined within a narrow fphere of life, my literary per- fuits were confequently lefs important, till I had the opportunity of enlarging my ideas by going abroad. My travels, of which I have before hinted fomething to the reader, opened to me a new and extenfive field for observation. I will not prefume to boaft, that I received any part of my education at Geneva, or any of thofe cele- brated foreign Univerfities, in which alone an ENGLISHMAN can be grounded in the principles of religion and liberty : But I may fay without vanity, that I gleaned fome ufeful knowledge from every place I vifited. My propenfity to writing followed me wherever I went j and were I to meet with encouragement by a large fubfcription, I could publifh feveral volumes of curious remarks, which I made in my tour. I had, indeed, like to have got into fome unlucky fcrapes, by turning author in places, where the liberty of the prefs was never fo much as heard of. At Paris I narrowly efcaped being put into the Baft He for a little Cbanfon a loire, reflecting on the Miftrefs of the Grand Monarque ; and I was obliged to quit Rome a week fooner than I in- VOL. I. D tended, 50 The CONNOISSEUR. N". 6. tended, for fixing on Pafquin a Prayer for the Pope's Toe, which was then laid up with the gout. IT was not till my return from abroad, that I formally commenced a profefTed critic, for which I now thought myfelf thoroughly qualified. I could draw parallels between Marfeilles and DenoyeT) compare the behaviour of the French parterre with the Englijb pit ; and have lately made a figure by affe&ing an indifference about the prefent Burlettas, as I took care to let every body know, that I had often feen them in Flan- ders, My knowledge in theatrical affairs natu- rally led me to write a great number of occa- fional pamphlets on thofe topics ; fuch as " Exa- " mens of New Plays, Letters to the Mana- " gers, &c." Not content with this, I had a Strong inclination to fhine in the drama. I often pleafed myfelf with computing " three benefit " nights let me fee fix hundred pounds at " leaft an hundred more for the copy befides " a perpetual freedom of the houfe." Thefe were temptations not to be refifted. I fat down therefore to a tragedy ; but, before I got through the firft act, defpairing to make it fufficiently pa- thetic for the modern tafte, I changed my fcheme, and began a comedy ; then again reflecting, that N*.6. 7^ CONNOISSEUR. 51 that moft of our comedies were in reality nothing but over-grown farces, contented myfelf with writing, what authors are now pleafed to call a comedy of two a&s. This I finifhed with a great deal of pains, and very much to my own fatisfacHon : but not being able to get it on the ftage, as one houfe was entirely taken up with pantomimes, and the manager of the other had fo many farces of his own, I generoufiy made a prefent of it to an a&or for his benefit ; when to my great furprize it was damned. I HAVE at laft refolved to bend all my atten- tion, and dedicate all my powers, to the carrying on this my prefent elaborate undertaking. I am forry to own, that the fuccefs has not at all an- fwered my expectations : I flattered myfelf with being univerfally known, read, and admired ; but I find quite the contrary. I went into a cofTee-houfe the other day by Wbite-cbapel Mount^ where on afking for the CONNOISSEUR the woman flared at me, and faid {he did not know what I meant. I dined laft week at a fo- reign ambaflador's ; and not a word about me or my works pafled at table. I wrote to a relation at Carmarthen, defiring to know what reputation my paper has in Wales ; but he tells me, that nothing in the literary way comes 'down there t> 2 but 5 2 27;; CONNOISSEUR. N.6. but the Kings Speech and the London Evening Poft. I have enquired into the fale of my firft number, my fecond, my third, my fourth, and the laft : yet I cannot allure my readers, that I have fold three thoufand of any one of them. In fhort, I give this public notice once for all, that if I do not find myfelf taken in all over England^ by the time I have publifhed two or three hundred papers, let them look to it let them look to it I'll bid adieu to my ungrateful country, go directly to Berlin^ and (as Voltaire is difcarded) employ my pen in the fervice of that encourager of literary merit, the king of Pruffia. O * % * As feveral correfpondents, fince the firft publication of this number, have defired to know, from what Italian author the Fable at the begin- ning of this paper is borrowed : We think it necefiary to acquaint them, that the fidtion is entirely our own. NUMB. NO.;- Tht CONNOISSEUR. 53 NUMB. VII. Thurfday, March 14, 1754. Paenitet hofpitii, cum me fpe&ante lacertos Imponit collo rufticus ille tuo. Ofcula cum verb coram non dura daretis, Ante oculos pofui pocula fumpta meos. OVID. I loath* d the dinner ', while before my face The clown fill paufd you with a rude embrace : But when ye toyd and kifs'd without controul, I turn* d) and Jkreen'd my eyes behind the bowl* To Mr. T IV N. S I R, 1 SHALL make no apology for recommending to your notice, as CENSOR-GENERAL, a fault that is too common among married people ; I mean the abfurd trick of Fondling before Company. Love is, indeed, a very rare ingre- dient in modern wedlock ; nor can the parties entertain too much affe&ion for each other : but an open difplay of it on all occafions renders them ridiculous. D 3 A FEW 54 ?fc CONNOISSEUR. N. 7. A FEW days ago I was introduced to a young couple, who were but lately married, and are reckoned by all their acquaintance to be exceed- ing happy in each other. I had fcarce faluted the bride, when the hufband caught her eagerly in his arms, and almoft devoured her with kifles. When we were feated, they took care to place themfelves clofe to each other; and during our converfation he was conftantly piddling with her fingers, tapping her cheek, or playing with her hair. At dinner, they were mutually employed in preffing each other to tafle of every di{h ; and the fond appellations of " my dear, my love," &c. were continually bandied acrofs the table. Soon after the cloth was removed, the lady made a motion to retire; but the hufband prevented the compliments of the reft of the company by faying, " We fhould be unhappy without her." As the bottle went round, he joined her health to every toaft ; and could not help now and then rifing from his chair to prefs her hand, and ma- nifeft the warmth of his paffion by the ardour of his carefles. This precious fooling, though it highly entertained them, gave me great dif- guft : therefore, as my company might very well be /pared, I took my leave as foon as poffible. NOTHING N. 7. n>* CONNOISSEUR. 55 NOTHING is more common than to fee a new- married couple, fetting out with a fplendour in their equipage, furniture, and manner of living, which they have been afterwards obliged to re- trench. Thus it happens, when they have made themfelves remarkable by a {hew of exceflive love. They begin with great eclat^ are lavifli of their fondnefs at firft, but their whole ftock is foon wafted ; and their poverty is the more in- fupportable, as their former profufion has made it more confpicuous. 1 have remarked the ill confequence of this indifcretion in both cafes : One couple has at laft had feparate beds, while the other have been carried to the opera in hackney chairs. Two people, who are to pafs their whole lives together, may furely find time enough for dalliance without playing over their pretty tricks in public. How ridiculous would it appear, if in a large aflembly every one fhould felecl: his mate, and the whole company fhould fall into couples, like the birds on Valentine 's day ! And it is furely no lefs abfurd, to fee a man and his wife eternally trifling and toying together, Still amorous ', and fond^ and billing^ Like Philip and Mary on a Jhilling* HUDIBRAS. D 4 56 The CONNOISSEUR. N*. 7. I HAVE often been reduced to a kind of auk- ward diftrefs on thefe occafions ; not knowing which way to look, or what to fay. I confider them as playing a game, in which the ftander--by is not at all interefted ; and would therefore re- commend it to every third perfon in thefe circum- fhnces, to take it as an hint, that the parties have a mind to be alone, and leave the room without further ceremony. A FRIEND of mine happened to be engaged in a vifit to one of thefe loving couples. He fat flill for fome time, without interrupting the little endearments that pafTed between them. Finding them at length quite loft in nods, whifpers, ogles, and in fhort wholly taken up with each other, he rang the bell, and defired the fervant to fend in my lady's woman. When (he came, he led her very gravely to the fettee, and began to indulge himfelf in certain freedoms, which provoked the damfel to complain loudly of his rudenefs. Tha lady flew into a violent paflion, and rated him feverely for his monftrous behaviour. My friend begged her pardon with great polite- nefs, hoped ftie was not offended, for that he thought there had been no harm in amufing himfelf a little while with Mrs. Betty, in the fame N .?. Tk' CONNOISSEUR. 57 fame manner as her ladyfhip and fir John had been diverting themfelves thefe two hours. THIS behaviour, though at all times impro- per, may in fome fort be excufed, where perhaps the match has been huddled up by the parents, and the young people are fuch new acquaint- ance, that they fcarce ever faw each other till their marriage. A pair of loving turtles may be indulged in a little amorous billing at their firft coming together : yet this licence fhould expire with the honey- moon, and even in that period be ufed but fparingly. BUT if this condul is blameable in young people, how very abfurd is it in thofe advanced in years ! Who can help laughing, when he fees a worn-out beau and belle, pra&ifmg at three- fcore the very follies, that are ridiculous at fix- teen? I could with, that fuch a pair of anti- quated lovers were delineated by the pencil of an Hogarth. How humouroufly would he re- prefent two emaciated wrinkled figures, with eyes funk into their heads, lank cheeks, and toothlefs gums, affecting to leer, fmile, and languifh at each other ! But this affe&ation is ftill more remarkable, when a liquorifh old fool is continually fondling a young wife : D 5 Though 58 r/k CONNOISSEUR. N*. 7. Though perhaps the fight is not fo difguft- ing to a ftranger, who may reafonably fuppofc it to be the overflowings of a father's tender- nefs for his daughter. IT fometimes happens, that one of the parties perceives the folly of this behaviour. I have feen a fenfible man quite uneafy at the indifcreet marks of kindnefs {hewn by his lady. I know a clergyman in the country, who is often put to the blufti by the ftrange familiarities, which his wife's love induces her to take with him. As (he has had but an indifferent education, you would often be at a lofs to know, whether fhe is very kind, or very rude. If he dines abroad, fhe always fees him get on horfeback, and before he has got twenty yards from the door, hollows after him, " be at home in time, my dear foul, " do." I have known her almoft quarrel with him for not buttoning his coat in the middle of fummer; and fhe once had the good-nature to burn a very valuable collection of Greek manufcripts, left the poring over thofe horrid crooked letters fhould put her dear Jack's eyes out. Thus does fhe torment the poor parfon with her violent affedion for him, and according to the common phrafe, kills him with kindnefs. BEFORI N ./- rh * CONNOISSEUR. 59 BEFORE I conclude, I cannot but take notice of thofe lufcious love-fcenes, that have fo great a fhare in our modern plays ; which are rendered frill more fulfome by the officioufnefs of the player, who takes every opportunity of heightening the expreflion by kifles and embraces. In a comedy, nothing is more relimed by the audience than a loud fmack, which echoes through the whole houfe ; and in the moft paffionate fcenes of a tragedy, the hero and heroine are continually flying into each others arms. For my part I am never prefent at a fcene of this kind, which pro- duces a confcious fimper from the boxes, and an hearty chuckle of applaufe from the pit and galleries, but I am ready to exclaim with old Renault " I like not thefe huggers." I WOULD recommend it to all married people, but efpecially to the ladies, not to be fo fweet upon their dears before company : but I would not be underftood to countenance that coldnefs and indifference, which is fo fafhionable in the polite world. Nothing is accounted more un- genteel, than for a hufband and wife to be feen together in public places ; and if they fhould ever accidentally meet, they take no more notice of each other, than if they were abfolute ftrangers. The gentleman may lavifh as much gallantry as ' D 6 he 60 rbt CONNOISSEUR. N. 7. he pleafes on other women, and the lady give encouragement to twenty pretty fellows, without cenfure : but they would either of them blufh at being furprifed, in fliewing the leaft marks of a regard for each other. I am, Sir, T Your humble Servant, &c. NUMB. VIII. Tburfday^ March 21, 1754. O quanta fpecies cerebrum non habet ! In outward Jhew fo fplendid and fo vain 9 7 Tis but a gilded block without a brain. IMusT acknowledge the receipt of many let- ters, containing very lavifh encomiums on jmy works. Among the reft a correfpondent, whom I take to be a bookfeller, is pleafed to compliment me on the goodnefs of my print and paper ; but tells me, that he is very forry not to fee fomething expreffive of my undertaking, in the little cut that I carry in front. It is true, indeed, that my printer and publifher held fe- veral N*. 8. The CONNOISSEUR. 61 ral confultations on this fubjeft ; and I am afhamed to confefs, that they had once prevailed on me to fuffer a profile of my face to be prefixed to each number. But when it was finimed, I was quite mortified to fee what a fcurvy figure I made in wood : Nor could I fubmit to be hung out, like Broughton, at my own door, or let my face ferve like the canvas before a booth, to call people in to the {hew. I HOPE it will not be imputed to envy or ma- levolence, that I here remark on this part of the productions of Mr. Fitz-Adam. When he gave his paper the title of The WORLD, I fuppofe he meant to intimate his defign of defcribing that part of it, who are known to account all other perfons Nobody, and are therefore emphatically called The WORLD. If this was to be pi&ured out in the head -piece, a lady at her toilette, a party at whift, or the jovial member of the Di- lettanti tapping the World for Champagne, had been the moft natural and obvious hieroglyphics. But when we fee the pourtrait of a Philofopher poring on the globe, inftead of obfervations on modern life we might more naturally expecl a fyftem of geography, or an attempt towards a difcovery of the longitude. THE 62 The CONNOISSEUR. N. S. THE reader will fmile perhaps at a criticifm of this kind ; yet certainly even here propriety {hould be obferved, or at leaft all abfurdities avoided. But this matter being ufually left to the printer or bookfeller, it is often attended with ftrange blunders and mifapplications. I have feen a Sermon ufliered in with the reprefen- tation of a (hepherd and (hepherdefs fporting on a bank of flowers, with two little Cupids fmiling over head ; while perhaps an Epithalamium, or an Ode for a Birth-day, has been introduced with death's heads and crofs-marrow-bones. THE inhabitants of Grub-Jireet are generally very ftudious of propriety in this point. Before the half-penny account of an horfe-race, we fee the jockeys whipping, fpurring, joftling, and the horfes {training within fight of the poft. The laft dying fpeech, character, and behaviour of the malefactors prefents us with a profpecl of the place of execution ; and the hiftory of the Lon- don Prentice exhibits the figure of a Ld (landing between two lions, and ramming his hands down their throats. A due regard has been paid to this article, in the feveral elegies from that quarter on the death of Mr. Pelham. They are cncompafled with difmal black lines, and all the fable emblems of death ; Nor can we doubt, but that N.&. The CONNOISSEUR. 63 that an author, who takes fuch care to exprefs a decent forrow on the outfide of his work, has infufed a great deal of the pathetic into the piece itfelf. THESE little embellifhments were originally defigned to pleafe the eye of the reader ; as we tempt children to learn their letters by difpofmg the alphabet into pictures. But, in our modern competitions, they are not only ornamental, but ufeful. An angel or a flower- pot, at the begin- ning and end of every chapter or fetion, enables the bookfeller to fpin out a novel, without plot or incident, to a great number of volumes ; and by the help of thefe decorations, properly dif- pofed, I have known a little piece fwell into a duodecimo, which had fcarce matter enough for a fix-penny pamphlet. IN this place I might alfo take notice of the fe- veral new improvements in the bufmefs of Typo- graphy. Though it is reckoned ungenteel to write a good hand, yet every one is proud of ap- pearing in a beautiful print j and the productions of a man of quality come from the prefs in a very neat letter, though perhaps the manufcript is hardly legible. Indeed, our modern writers feem to be more follicitoos about outward elegance, than 64 The CONNOISSEUR. N'.8. than the intrinfic merit of their compofitions ; and on this account it is thought no mean re- commendation of their works, to advertife that they are " beautifully printed on a fine paper " and entire new letter." Nor are they only in- debted to the prefs for the beauty of the type, but often call in it's affiftance to explain and en- force the fentiment. When an author is in doubt, whether the reader will be able to comprehend his meaning, or indeed whether he has any meaning at all, he takes care to fprinkle the fentence with Italics: but when he would furprife us with any thing more ftriking than ordinary, he diftinguifhes the emphatical words by large ftaring CAPITALS, which overtop the reft of their fellows, and are intended, like the grena- diers caps, to give us an idea of fomething grand and uncommon. Thefe are defigned as fo many hints to let the reader know, where he is to be particularly afrec~ted ; and anfwer the fame pur- pofe with the marginal directions in plays, which inform the aclor when he is to laugh or cry. This practice is moft remarkable in pieces of modern wit and humour : and it may be ob- ferved, that where there is the leaft of thefe lively qualities, the author is moft defirous of fubftituting thefe arts in their room $ imagining, that by a judicious diftribution of thefe en- livening N.8. Tht CONNOISSEUR. 65 livening ftrokes in different parts of it, his work, however dull in itfelf, will become fmart and brilliant. AND here I cannot but take notice, that thefe arts have been employed to very great advantage in the fervice of the theatres. The writer of the play-bills deals out his Capitals in fo juft a pro- portion, that you may tell the falary of each aclor by the fize of the letter, in which his name is printed. When the prefent manager of Drury- Lane firfl came upon the ftage, a new fet of types two inches long were caft on purpofe to do honour to his extraordinary merit. This in- deed is fo proper, that the fevereft critics on the drama cannot be offended at this piece of theatrical juftice. THERE is lately fprung up among us a new fpecies of writers, who are nioft of them perfons of the firft rank and fafliion. At this period the whole houfe of commons are turned authors ; and we cannot fufficiently admire the propriety of ftile and fentiment in thofe elegant addrefles, by which they humbly offer themfelves as candi- dates, and beg the favour of your votes and in- tereft. Thefe gentlemen avail themfelves greatly of the arts of printing above-mentioned ; whether they 66 The CONNOISSEUR. N. 8. they would raife the merits of their own caufe, or throw out invedives on the oppofite party. The courtier fets before your eyes in large letters his fteady attachment to King GEORGE, while his opponent difplays in the fame manner his zeal for LIBERTY and the CONSTITU- TION. This muft undoubtedly have a won- derful effeft on the electors : and I could almoft allure any patriot certain fuccefs, who fhould manifeft his regard for 2DIH (CnatanU by printing his addrefles in the 2DIU BUT, in the whole republic of letters, there are none perhaps, who are more obliged to the printer, than the writers of periodical efiays. The SPECTATORS, indeed, came into the world without any of the advantages we are pofiefTed of. They were originally publifhed in a very bad print and paper, and were fo entirely deftitute of all outward ornaments, that (like Terencis virgin) - Ni vis boni In ipfa inefTet forma, haec formam extinguerent. " Unlefs the foul of beauty had breathed through * c the compofitions themfelves, thefe difadvan- " tages would have fuppreiTed the leaft appear- " ances of it. As N. 8. fht CONNOISSEUR. 67 As it requires no genius to fupply a defect of this nature, our modern eflays as much excel the SPECTATORS in elegance of form, as perhaps they may be thought to fall fhort of them in every other refpecl:. But they have this addi- tional advantage, that by the finenefs of their paper they are refcued from ferving many mean and ignoble purpofes, to which they might other- wife be applied. They alfo form themfelves more commodioufly into volumes, and become genteeler appendages of the tea-table. The can- did reader will undoubtedly impute this extraor- dinary care about externals to the modefty of us prefent eflayifts, who are willing to compenfate for our poverty of genius, by beftowing thefe outward graces and embellishments on our works. For my own part, I never reflect on the firft un- adorned publication of the SPECTATOR, and at the fame time take up one of my own papers, fet off with every ornament of the prefs, but I am afraid that the critics will apply, what a facetious peer is faid to have remarked on two different la* dies ; that " the firft is a foul without a body, " and the laft a body without a foul." As in this fafhionable age there are many of lord Foppington's opinion, " that a book fhould " be recommended by it's outfide to a man of quality 68 The CONNOISSEUR. N. 8. " quality and breeding," it is incumbent on all authors to let their works appear as well dreft as pofiible, if they expert them to be admitted into polite company. Yet we fhould not lay too much ftrefs on the decorations, but rather remember Tulfy's precept to all who build, that " the " owner fhould be an ornament to the houfe, " and not the houfe to the owner." NUMB. JX. Thurfday, March 28, 1754. Solvitque animis miracula rerum, Eripuitquc Jovi fulmcn, virefque tonanti. MANIL, He freed our minds from dread of things above , And /natch* d the thunder from the hand of Jove. TH E publication of lord BoKngbrolis poft- humous works has given new life and fpirit to Free-thinking. We feem at prefent to be en- deavouring to unlearn our catechifm, with all that we have been taught about religion, in order to model our faith to the fafhion of his lordfl lip's fyftem. We have now nothing to do, but to throw N.9- rhe CONNOISSEUR, 69 throw away our bibles, turn the churches into theatres, and rejoice that an a6t of parliament, now in force, gives us an opportunity of getting rid of the clergy by tranfportation. I was in hopes, that the extraordinary price of thefe vo- lumes would have confined their influence to perfons of quality. As They are placed above extreme indigence and abfolute want of bread, their loofe notions would have carried them no farther than cheating at cards, or perhaps plun- dering their country : But if thefe opinions fpread among the vulgar, we fhall be knocked down at noon-day in our ftreets, and nothing will go forward but robberies and murders. THE inftances I have lately feen of Free- thinking in the lower part of the world, make me fear, they are going to be as fafhionable and as wicked as their betters. I went the other night to the Robin Hood; where it is ufual for the advocates againft religion to aflemble, and openly avow their infidelity. One of the quefti- ons for the night was, " Whether lord Baling- e CONNOISSEUR. N. 9. amazing erudition among them. Toland, Tindal y Collins, Chubb, and Mandeville, they feemed to have got by heart. A fhoemaker harrangued his five minutes upon the excellence of the tenets maintained by lord Bolingbroke ; but I foon found that his reading had not been extended beyond the Idea of a Patriot King, which he had mifla- ken for a glorious fyftem of Free-thinking. I could not help fmiling at another of the com- pany, who took pains to fhew his difbelief of the Gofpel by unfainting the Apoftles, and call- ing them by no other title than plain Paul or plain Peter. The proceedings of this fociety, have, indeed, almoft induced me to wifh, that (like the Roman Catholicks) they were not per- mitted to read the Bible, rather than they fhould read it only to abufe it. I HAVE frequently heard many wife tradef- men, fettling the mofl important articles of our faith over a pint of beer. A baker took occafion from Cannings affair to maintain, in oppofition to the Scriptures, that man might live by bread alone, at leaft that woman might; " for elfe, " faid he, how could the girl have been fup- " ported for a whole month by a few hard " crufts r" In anfwer to this, a barber furgeon fet forth the improbability of that flory ; and thence N.9- 27* CONNOISSEUR. ?I thence inferred, that it was impoflible for our Saviour to have fafted forty days in the wilder- nefs. I lately heard a midfhipman fwear that the Bible was all a lie : for he had failed round the world with lord Anfon^ and if there had been any Red Sea, he muft have met with it. I know a bricklayer, who, while he was working by line and rule, and carefully laying one brick upon another, would argue with a fellow la- bourer, that the world was made by chance; and a cook, who thought more of his trade than his Bible^ in a difpute concerning the Miracles, made a pleafant miftake about the nature of the the Firft, and gravely afked his antagonift what he thought of the SUPPER at Cana. THIS affe&ation of Free-thinking, among the lower clafs of people, is at prefent happily confined to the men. On Sundays, while the hufbands are toping at the alehoufe, the good women their wives think it their duty to go to church, fay their prayers, bring home the text, and hear the children their catechifm. But our polite ladies are, I fear, in their lives and converfations little better than Free-thinkers. Going to church, fince it is now no longer the fafhion to carry on intrigues there, is almoft wholly laid afide : And I verily believe, that no- thing 72 The CONNOISSEUR. N*. 9. thing but another earthquake can ever fill the churches with people of quality. The fair fex in general are too thoughtlefs to concern themfelves in deep enquiries into matters of religion. It is fufficient, that they are taught to believe them- felves angels : It would therefore be an ill com- pliment, while we talk of the heaven they beflow, to perfuade them into the Mahometan notion, that they have no fouls : Though perhaps our fine gentlemen may imagine, that by convincing a lady, that fhe has no foul, fhe will be lefs fcru- pulous about the difpofal of her body. THE ridiculous notions maintained by Free- thinkers in their writings, fcarce deferve a ferious refutation ; and perhaps the beft method of an- fwering them would be to felecl: from their works all the abfurd and impracticable notions, which they fo ftiffly maintain in order to evade the be- lief of the Chrlftian religion. I fhall here throw together a few of their principal tenets, under the contradictory title of The UNBELIEVER'S CREED. I BELIEVE, that there is no God, but that Matter is God, and God is Matter ; and that it is no matter, whether there is any God or no. I BELIEVE N'.g. The CONNOISSEUR. 73 I BELIEVE, that the World was not made ; that the World made itfelf; that it had no Beginning; thai it will laft for ever, World without End. I BELIEVE, that Man is a Beaft ; that the Soul is the Body, and the Body the Soul ; and that after Death there is neither Body nor Soul. I BELIEVE, that there is no Religion ; that Natural Religion is the only Religion ; and that all Religion is Unnatural. I BELIEVE not in MOSES ; I believe in the Firfl Phikfopby: I believe not the EVANGELISTS ; I believe in Chub, Collins > To/and, Tindal, Morgan* Mandeville^ Wool/ton^ Hobbes, Sbaftjbury : I believe in Lord Bslingbroke 5 I believe not St. PAUL. I BELIEVE not REVELATION ; I believe in Tradition : I believe in the Talmud ; I believe in the Alcoran ; I believe not the BIBLE : I believe in Socrates ; I believe in Confucius j I be- lieve in Sanconlatbon ; 1 believe in Mahomet \ I believe not in CHRIST. LASTLY, I believe in all UNBELIEF, VOL, I, E AN 74 Th CONNOISSEUR. N. 9. A N ADDRESS TO BOTH HOUSES of PARLIAMENT. My Lords and Gentlemen^ EVER fmce We have thought fit to take thefe Kingdoms into Our immediate Care, We have made it Our earneft Endeavour to go Hand in Hand with Your Wifdoms in promoting theWelfare and Profperity of the People. The im- portant Bufmefs of Taxes, Lotteries, Marriages, and Jews, We have left to Your weighty Con- fideration ; while Ourfelves have been employed in the Regulation of Fafhions, the Eftablifh- ment of Taile, and Amendment of the Morals. We have the Satisfaction to find, that both Our Meafures have hitherto met with Succefs : And the Public Affairs are at prefent in fo profperous a Condition, that the National Vices feem as likely to decreafe as the National Debt. THE Diflblution of Your AfTembly is now at Hand > and as Your whole Attention will natu- rally N'.9- rhe CONNOISSEUR. 75 rally be engaged in fecuring to Yourielves and Friends a Seat in the next Parliament, it is need- lefs to recommend to You, that Heads {hould be broken, Drunkennefs encouraged, and Abufe propagated ; which has been found by Experi- ence to be the beft Method of fupporting the Freedom of Elections. In the mean Time, as the Care of the Nation muft be left to Us, it is neceflary, that during this Interval Our Prerogative, as CENSOR-GENERAL, fhould be confiderably extended, and that We fhould be inverted with the united Power of Lords and Commons. WHEN We are entrufted with this important Charge, We fliall expect, that every different Faction (hall concur in Our Meafures for the Public Utility ; that Whig and Tory, High- Church and Low-Church, Court and Country, {hall all unite in this Common Caufe ; and that oppofite Parties in the Body Politic, like the Arms and Legs in the Body Natural, (hall move in Concert, though they are on different Sides. In Our Papers, which We (hall continue to pub-, lifli on Thurfdays^ under the Title of The CON- NOISSEUR, every Mifdemeanor fliall be exa- mined, and Offenders called to the Bar of the Houfe. Be it theref Jre ena&ed, that thefe Our E 2 Orders 7 6 27* CONNOISSEUR. N>. 9. Orders and Refolutions have an equal Au- thority with Acts of Parliament ; as We doubt not, They will be of equal Advantage to the Community. THE extraordinary Supplies requifite for the Service of the current Weeks, and for the Sup- port of Our Own Privy Purfe, oblige us to de- mand of You, that a Sum, not exceeding Two- pence, be levied Weekly on each Perfon, to be collected by our trufty and well -beloved the Bookfellers. We muft alfo particularly requeft of You, that the fame Privilege and Protection be extended to Us, which is enjoyed by Your- felves, and is fo very convenient to many of Your honourable Members. It is no lefs expe- dient, that We fhould be lecured from Let or Moleftation : Be it therefore provided, that no one prefume to Arreft or caufe to be Arrefled Our Perfon, or the Perfons of Our Publifher, Printer, Corrector, Devil, or any other em- ployed in Our Service. WE have only to add, that You may rely on Our Care and Diligence in difcharging the high Truft repofed in Us, in fuch Manner as fhall merit the Thanks of the next Parliament. We (nail then recommend it to Their Confideration, whether, N. 9. The CONNOISSEUR. 77 whether it would not be for the Intereft of thefe Kingdoms, that We fhould have a Wool pack allotted Us with the Biftiops, or be allowed a perpetual Seat among the Commons, as the Re- prefentative of the whole People. But if this {hould be deemed too great an Honour, it will at leaft be thought neceflary, that We {hould be occafionally called in, like the Judges, to give Our Opinion in Cafes of Importance. TOWN, CONNOISSEUR, CRITIC, and CENSOR-GENERAL. NUMB. X. TburJ'day^ April ^^ 1754. OV, tiTTU Iloo O^AO8 ' dyogtuv, iva T' oivfyeq H O M E R. What knows the Jlripling of the foldier*s trade, Beyond bis regimentals and cockade ? LEARNING, as it polifhes the mind, enlarges our ideas, and gives an ingenuous turn to our whole converfation and behaviour, has ever been efteemed a liberal accomplifhment ; and is, indeed, the principal characterise, that diflinguifhes the gentleman from the mechanic. E 3 THIS 7 8 Tbt CONNOISSEUR. N. 10. THIS axiom being uriiverfally allowed, I have often obferved with wonder the neglect of learn- ing, that prevails among the gentlemen of the army ; who, notwithftanding their fhameful de- ficiency in this main requifite, are generally pro- pofed as the moft exacl: models of good behaviour, and ftandards of politenefs. THE art of war is no eafy ftudy : It requires much labour and application to go through what Milton calls " the rudiments of foldierfhip, in all " the fkill of embattling, marching, encamping, than the proceedings of both houfes of parliament. Thus it happens, that eftates are now almoft as frequently made over by whift and hazard, as by deeds and fettlements ; and the chariots of many of our nobility may be faid (like Count Baffet's in the play) " to roll upon the four aces." THIS love of gaming has taken fuch entire pofleflion of their ideas, that it infects their com- mon converfation. The management pf a dif- pute N. 15. Tht CONNOISSEUR. 115 pute was formerly attempted by reafon and argu- ment ; but the new way of adj lifting all difference in opinion is by the fword or a wager: fo that the only genteel method of diffenting is to rifk a thoufand pounds, or take your chance of being run through the body. The ftrange cuftom of deciding every thing by a wager is fo univerfal, that if (in imitation of Swift) any body was to publifh a fpecimen of Polite Conversation^ inftead of old fayings and trite repartees, he would in all probability fill his dialogues with little more than bet after bet, and now or then a calcula- tion of the odds. WHITE'S, the prefent grand fcene of thefe tranfaHons, was formerly diftingui&ed by gal- lantry and intrigue. During the publication of the TATLER, Sir Richard Steele thought proper to date all his love-news from that quarter : But it would now be as abfurd to pretend to gather any fuch intelligence from Whites^ as to fend to Baffin's for a lawyer, or to the Rolls coffee houfe for a man-midwife. THE gentlemen, who now frequent this place, profefs a kind of univerfal fcepticifm ; and as they look upon every thing as dubious, put the iffue upon a wager. There is nothing, however trivial ii6 77* CONNOISSEUR. N. 15. trivial or ridiculous, which is not capable of pro- ducing a bet. Many pounds have been loft upon the colour of a coach -horfe, an article in the news, or the change of the weather. 7"he birth of a child has brought great advantages to per- fons not in the leaft related to the family it was born in ; and the breaking off a match has af- fected many in their fortunes, befides the parties immediately concerned. BUT the moft extraordinary part of this fa- ftuonable practice is, what in the gaming dialecl: is called PITTING one man againjl another \ that is, in plain Englijh, wagering which of the two will live longeft. In this manner, people of the moft oppofite characters make up the fubjecl of a bet. A player perhaps is pitted again ft a duke, an alderman againft a biihop, or a pimp with a privy-counfellor. There is fcarce one remark- able perfon, upon whofe life there are not many thoufand pounds depending; or one perfon of quality, whofe death will not leave feveral of thefe kind of mortgages upon his eftate. The various changes in the health of one, who is the fubjecl: of many bets, occafion very ferious re- flections in thofe, who have ventured large fums on his life and death. Thofe, who would be gainers by his deceafe, upon every flight indifpo- fition. N. 15. The CONNOISSEUR. 117 fition, watch all the ftages of his illnefs, and are as impatient for his death, as the undertaker who expects to have the care of his funeral ; while the other fides are very follicitous about his recovery, fend every hour to know how he does, and take as much care of him, as a clergyman's wife does of her hufband, who has no other for- tune than his living. I remember a man with the conftitution of a porter, upon whofe life very great odds were laid ; but when the perfon he was pitted againft, was expected to die every week, this man fhot himfelf through the head, and the knowing ones were taken in. THOUGH mod of our follies are imported from France^ this has had it's rife and progrefs entirely in England. In the laft illnefs of Louis the fourteenth, lord Stair laid a wager on his death ; and we may guefs what the French thought of it, from the manner in which Voltaire mentions it his Siecle de Louis xiv. " Le Roi " fut attaque vers le milieu du mois d'Aout.