Southern Branch 
 of the 
 
 University of California 
 
 Los Angeles 
 
 Form L 1 
 
 <o53
 
 THE 
 
 Management and Training 
 of Children. 
 
 BY 
 
 William J. Shearer, A. M., Pd. D., 
 
 Superintendent of Schools of the City of Elizabeth 
 and County of Union, N. J. 
 
 J S 6*2. -2. 
 
 New York: 
 
 Richardson, Smith & Co., 
 
 i J5 Fifth Avenue, 
 
 1904.
 
 Copyright, 1904, 
 By William J. Shearer.
 
 6 S3 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 The author's highest ambition is to do what he 
 can for the boys and girls of our country. This 
 book has been written in the hope that it will 
 help many earnest parents to manage and train 
 their precious children by gentle measures, rather 
 than by harshness. 
 
 Very frequently attention is called to the fact 
 that upon the children of the present will depend 
 not only the prosperity, but also the very life of the 
 nation. How seldom is emphasized the truth that 
 the happiness of parents and children generally 
 depends upon the character of the training the 
 children receive. 
 
 Upon almost any subject which one can imagine, 
 no matter how unimportant, many excellent books 
 may be found: yet a diligent search through the 
 libraries of even our largest cities, will fail to dis- 
 close any book of practical suggestion to parents 
 on the management and training of their children. 
 It is, indeed, remarkable that so little can be found 
 upon this subject which, more than any other, 
 vitally affects the present and future happiness of 
 all parents and children. 
 
 Some who have no children are ever ready to 
 venture absolute directions and to offer infallible 
 rules for the training of the children of others. 
 Those of us who have children of our own know
 
 6 PREFACE. 
 
 that most of such suggestions are worse than use- 
 less in practice. We also know that it is an easy 
 matter to tell others how to manage children, but 
 a far more difficult matter to carry out our own 
 instructions. It is especially hard to follow the 
 theories advanced by those who have not attempted 
 to put their theories into practice. 
 
 These suggestions are not offered to others until 
 after their efficiency has been proven, not only in 
 the training of the writer's own children, but also 
 after noting their effect upon many of the most 
 troublesome of the thousands who, year after year, 
 have been under his supervision. 
 
 In weekly articles, a half million copies of this 
 book have appeared in the Newark News, San Fran- 
 cisco Call, Elizabeth Journal, Pittsburg Dispatch, 
 Los Angeles Times-Mirror, Philadelphia Press, 
 Grand Rapids Press, Galveston News, Indianapolis 
 Journal, and in other leading newspapers of the 
 country. This is probably the first time that such 
 papers have given their valuable space to a similar 
 book. The many appreciative letters from parents 
 in every part of the United States justify the hope 
 that the book may help many more mothers and 
 fathers who are striving to properly train their dear 
 children. 
 
 The chapters on Hints to Parents are made up 
 of answers to questions which were asked the author 
 by those who had read the book as published in the 
 daily papers. 
 
 W. J. s.
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 i. 
 
 CHILDREN. 
 The Greatest Thing on Earth — The Artist's Experience — The 
 Child a Blessing or a Curse — The Happiness of Parents — Children's 
 Place in Society 13 
 
 II. 
 
 TIME, PLACE AND CHARACTER OF TRANING. 
 
 « Life a Battle — What is Meant by Training — The Delay that is 
 
 Dangerous — When Training Should Begin- — One Effect of Training 
 
 — Character and Training Determined by Temperament and Age — 
 
 Every Child Can be Trained — Heredity 17 
 
 III. 
 
 THE THREE STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT. 
 As the Twig is Bent the Tree's Inclined — Plastic Childhood — 
 The Receptive Age — The Analytic Age — The Child Must be Trained 
 at Home — Limitations of Training — Adaptation of Training 23 
 
 IV. 
 
 RESPONSIBILITY OF PARENTS. 
 A Terrible Responsibility — Cowardly Attempts to Shift the 
 Burden — Why the Chips Do Not Fall Far from the Block — The 
 Imperative Duty of Parents — Telling, Teaching, Managing, Train- 
 ing — Seeming Indifference of Parents — Most Parents Desire Light — 
 Why Some Parents Are Not Interested — Great Reward for 
 Parents 27 
 
 V. 
 
 PRIMARY REQUISITES OF PROPER TRAINING. 
 
 Success Assured — First Requisite — Second Requisite — Third 
 Requisite — Fourth Requisite — Fifth Requisite — Sixth Requisite. .. .33 
 
 VI. 
 
 DIFFERENT METHODS OF MANAGEMENT. 
 
 Management by Artifice the Worst Management Possible — 
 Management by Reason — When Reasons Should be Given— Man 
 agement by Harshness— Management by Absolute Authority — Some 
 Objections — Another Objection — How Parents Teach Children to 
 Despise Them 41 
 
 VII. 
 
 WHEN TO BEGIN. 
 Begin at the Beginning — Quite Easy at the Beginning — If One 
 is Not at the Beginning — No Reason for Despair — Practical Sug- 
 gestions 47
 
 8 CONTENTS. 
 
 VIII. 
 
 HABITS. 
 
 Habits All Important — Dr. Maudsley's Opinion — The Importance 
 
 of Habit in Society — Earthly Purgatory — The Matter of Greatest 
 
 Importance — The Effect of Lack of Habits — Time to Form Habits — 
 
 How Habits May be Changed — Principles and Habits 51 
 
 IX. 
 
 USE OF INCENTIVES IN CHILD TRAINING. 
 \ Pleasure and Pain — A Pound of Leading Worth a Ton of Driv- 
 ing-^-Moral Value of Incentives — The Selection of Proper Incentives 
 — Seven Valuable Incentives — The Desire for Comfort — Fear of 
 Punishment — Rewards and Prizes — Approbation of Parents and 
 Others — Confidence of Parents — Force of Habit — Sense of Duty... 57 
 
 X. 
 
 PUNISHMENT OF CHILDREN. 
 
 Should Children be Punished — Legitimate Objects* of Punish- 
 ment — Characteristics of Proper Punishment — The Severity of Pun- 
 ishment — Improper Punishments — Proper Punishment — When Cor- 
 poral Punismment Should be Used — Characteristics of Corporal 
 Punishment 64 
 
 XI. 
 
 OBEDIENCE. 
 Success Dependent Upon Obedience — Obedience May Save a 
 Child's Life — Obedience Through Fear — The Easiest Method of 
 Obtaining Obedience — Obedience Must Not be Bought — Obedience 
 to Circumstances — Obedience Through Love — Obedience Through 
 Sense of Duty — When Obedience Should be Demanded — Whom a 
 Child Should Obey — One Method of Winning Obedience — Other 
 Methods of Securing Obedience — A Certain Method of Securing 
 Obedience — How to Make it Easy to Obey 71 
 
 XII. 
 
 THE MANAGEMENT OF THE BAD BOY. 
 
 A Hard Question — Some Reasons for Calling a Boy Bad — Ex- 
 pecting Too Much of Boys — No Boys Are Depraved — How to Save 
 the Vicious — Important Steps — Change of Environment — Ideals — 
 How One of Many Was Saved — No Boy Utterly Bad — Never Give 
 Up 80 
 
 XIII. 
 TRAINING THROUGH ENCOURAGEMENT. 
 
 An Erroneous View — The Right Way to Correct — The Opposite 
 Way — The Universal Tendency — A Word of Warning — Rewards — 
 A Better Way — Different Effects of Two Ways 86 
 
 XIV. 
 
 THE NATURAL CHILD. 
 
 Child or Adult — First Characteristic of the Natural Child— In 
 
 the House of Too Much Trouble — Second Characteristic — Third 
 
 Characteristic — Fourth Characteristic — Fifth Characteristic — Other 
 
 Characteristics — The Meaning of a Child's Activity — A Common
 
 CONTENTS. 9 
 
 Mistake^ The Locomotive and the Child — The Parents' Duty— A 
 Suggestion to Parents and Teachers — The Unnatural Child 91 
 
 XV. 
 
 SYMPATHY BETWEEN PARENT AND CHILD. 
 
 Importance of Sympathy — The Power of Sympathy — The Pe- 
 culiar Action of Sympathy — Sympathy versus Love — The Great 
 Dearth of Sympathy — How to Sympathize with a Child — When 
 Sympathy Should be Given — When a Child is in the Wrong — Sym- 
 pathy Must be Cultivated — Sympathy Must be Sincere — One Effect 
 of Sympathy 99 
 
 XVI. 
 
 IMPORTANCE OF INDIVIDUALITY. 
 Children Differ — Injurious Effect of Uniform Treatment — Im- 
 portance of Individuality — Differences in Children — The Parents' 
 Duty — How Peculiarities May be Discovered — Why Parents Are 
 Blind to Some Faults 107 
 
 XVII. 
 
 TEMPERAMENTS. 
 
 Importance of Knowledge to Parents — Faults of Training Due 
 to Lack of Knowledge — Square Pegs in Round Holes — Psychology 
 versus Temperament — How to Study Temperaments — Characteristics 
 and Management of the Nervous Temperament — Characteristics and 
 Management of the Lymphatic Temperament — Characteristics and 
 Management of the Bilious Temperament — Characteristics and 
 Management of the Sanguine Temperament — Mixed Temperament — 
 The Best Temperament 1 1 1 
 
 XVIII. 
 
 RESPONSIBILITY OF THE FATHER. 
 Mutual Consideration — The Father's Duty — Conflicting Author- 
 ity — A Mother's Trials — A Time for Appreciation 119 
 
 XIX. 
 
 THE MOTHER'S INFLUENCE. 
 The Almighty's Representative — Most Training Left to the 
 Mother — The First Years of Vital Importance — Beautiful Tributes 
 to Mothers — Tributes of Washington, Lincoln and Others — The 
 Fathomless Depth of a Mother's Love— The Measure of a Mother's 
 Love — The Great Love of Parents— Which Shall it Be?— The Hal- 
 lowed Memory of Mother — Home and Country Dependent Upon 
 Mothers 123 
 
 XX. 
 
 THE HOME INFLUENCE. 
 The Great Need of America — The Right Spirit for the Home — 
 One Home — Another Home — Citizens, Slaves or Anarchists — The 
 Atmosphere of the Home 132 
 
 XXI. 
 
 CRYING AND TEASING. 
 Why a Child Cries — Is Crying Necessary — Older Children — 
 Children Who Cry for a Purpose — How to Stop Crying — Why
 
 io CONTENTS. 
 
 Children Tease Parents — How to Stop Teasing — How Parents Train 
 Children to Tease — For What Children Tease — Why Parents Yield 
 to Teasing — Two Good Rules 137 
 
 XXII. 
 
 PLAY AND PLAYMATES. 
 Necessity of Play — Influence of Different Amusements — An 
 Important Matter — A Place to Play — Advantages of Home Amuse- 
 ments — Character of Home Amusements — A Child's Playmates — De- 
 priving Children of Playmates — Influence of Companions — The 
 Study of Companions — Selection of Companions — A Few 
 Proverbs 144 
 
 XXIII. 
 
 THE CHILD AND THE SCHOOL- 
 Hard Questions — Age of Entering School — As to Kindergartens 
 — Public or Private School — Lack of Parental Interest— Moral In- 
 fluence of the Teacher — Preparation of Parent and Teacher — Co- 
 operation of Parents and Teachers — Criticising the Teacher — How 
 Parents Can Help the Teacher — Boarding Schools — What Shall 
 Children Study .^ 153 
 
 XXIV. 
 
 TRAINING A CHILD TO TELL THE TRUTH. 
 A Common Fault — A Difficult Matter — Hard to Punish Properly 
 — Why Children Are Untruthful — Other Reasons for Untruthful- 
 ness — Even Parents Make Sad Mistakes — Important Conclu- 
 sions ' 160 
 
 XXV. 
 
 THE MANAGEMENT OF THE STUBBORN CHILD. 
 
 The Meaning of Stubbornness — A Diamond in the Rough — 
 The Result of Continued Stubbornness — One Way of Managing a 
 Stubborn Child — One Punishment Sufficient — How a . Child Was 
 Saved — How to Manage the Most Stubborn 166 
 
 XXVI. 
 
 THE TRAINING OF THE ONLY CHILD. 
 Why the only Child is Spoiled — The Onlv Child Sometimes 
 the Best— The Children of the Rich— The Child Who Bosses the 
 House — Who is to Blame 172 
 
 XXVII. 
 
 QUESTIONS AND REQUESTS. . 
 The Child an Animated Interrogation Point — Importance of 
 Questions — Natural Tendency of Parents Wrong — Curiosity no 
 Crime — How to Answer a Child's Questions — What to Do About 
 Some Questions— A Child's Requests — A Hard Matter — What a 
 Child Should be Denied — Children Expect Too Much 177 
 
 XXVIII. 
 
 THE FEARS AND SORROWS OF CHILDREN. 
 Children Not Naturally Fearful — How to Deal With a Child's 
 Fears — The Child Who Fears Nothing — Different Kinds of Fears —
 
 CONTENTS. ii 
 
 The Dreams of Children — Bedtime — Parents Like the Old Woman in 
 the Shoe — Senseless Treatment — The Sorrows of Children 183 
 
 XXIX. 
 
 MORALS AND MANNERS. 
 A Most Important Duty — Importance of Morals — Can Morals 
 be Taught — Manners — The Value of Courtesy— What Must be 
 Taught — Manners Indicative of Character — A Sign of the Soul's 
 Nature — Courtesy a Refining Influence — The Outward Expression 
 of Courtesy — The Value of Manners — How to Acquire good 
 Manners I01 
 
 XXX. 
 
 TRAINING IN THE USE OF MONEY. 
 
 The Usual Method— Objection to the Uusal Method — Advantage 
 
 of a Regular Allowance — Objections to Regular Allowance — How 
 
 Much Money Should Children be Given — One Practical Method — 
 
 A Plan for Older Children 199 
 
 XXXI. 
 
 HOME BEHAVIOR. 
 Manners Become Fixed — Courtesy to Parents, Brothers, Sisters 
 — Politeness Not for Strangers Exclusively — Behavior at Table — 
 What Shall Children Eat?— Training the Appetite— Table Talk— 
 A Time for Relaxation — Useful Knowledge — Subjects to be Avoided 
 —Should Children be at Table with Their Parents 206 
 
 XXXII. 
 
 BEHAVIOR OF CHILDREN WHEN AWAY FROM HOME. 
 Home Training Apparent — Attracting Attention on the Street 
 — Greeting Acquaintances— Manners in Traveling — Manners in 
 Church — Manners in Places of Amusement — Who Shall Do the 
 Talking 2*5 
 
 XXXIII. 
 TRAINING OF BODY AND MIND. 
 The Body— The Mind— A Child's Body— Knowledge of Physi- 
 ology — Making a Good Animal — How to Produce Strong Bodies — 
 Too Much Trouble— Wealth and Health — The Boat and the Body 
 — Vitality — How the Mind Grows — The Training of the Senses. . .223 
 
 XXXIV. 
 THE INTELLECT AND FEELINGS. 
 The Mental Equipment — The Memory — How the Memory May 
 be Strengthened — The Imagination — Conception, Judgment and 
 Reasoning — Some Powers Musi Develop Before Others — Unrea- 
 sonable Expectations— What Should be left to a Child's Reason — 
 The Peelings — What is Meant by Feeling — Allowance for Emo- 
 tions — How the Emotions May be Controlled 231 
 
 XXXV. 
 
 THE TRAINING OF THE WILL- 
 Importance of Training of the Will — The Will the Mainspring 
 — Conscience Insufficient — Will Power and Courage — Will Power
 
 12 CONTENTS. 
 
 and Justice — Will Power and Self-Control — Will as a World 
 Force — The . Will a Measure of Personal Power — Will Training 
 versus Will Breaking — The Meaning of Will Training — God's Way 
 — How the Will May be Trained 239 
 
 XXXVI. 
 
 ADOLESCENCE. 
 
 Meaning of the,, Term— Importance of the Period — Physical 
 
 Changes — Mental Chafiges— Moral Changes — Change of Ideals — 
 
 Dangers of Adolescence — False Modesty in Parents — Ignorance 
 
 Will Not Save — Management of the Adolescent — Three Stages. ..248 
 
 XXXVII. 
 
 THE CHILD AND CHRISTMAS. 
 Children in the Home — How About Santa Claus? — A Great 
 Mistake — Let the Children Help — One Plan of Giving Presents. . .257 
 
 XXXVIII. 
 
 HINTS TO PARENTS. 
 Birthdays — Too Much Restraint — Overtraining — Leaving a Child 
 Alone — Too Many Direct Issues — Too Many Dont's — Threats — 
 Nagging — Faults of Children — Self-Control — Temper — The Object of 
 Training — Work for Boys and Girls — Obedience — Use of Stories 
 and Dolls 264 
 
 XXXIX. 
 
 HINTS TO PARENTS (Continued). 
 Reading — Proper Books for the Young — Favorites — Children on 
 Sunday — Don't Make Sunday Dreadful — Reasons for Liking Sun- 
 day — About Attending Services — The Child's Faith — The Preco- 
 cious Child — Laurels for the Plodders — Brain Fag— Mistakes of 
 Parents 272 
 
 XL. 
 
 HINTS TO PARENTS (Continued). 
 Brothers and Sisters — Important Questions — Helping Them- 
 selves — Grateful Children — Self-Examination— Like Produces Like 
 — The Great Aim — The Influence of Nurses — Rich Children Who 
 Are Poor — Poor Children Who Are Rich 280
 
 CHILDREN. 
 
 The Greatest Thing on Earth. 
 
 ,S 5*2.1. 
 All must acknowledge that the greatest thing on 
 
 earth is a little child. The fond parent is more 
 than a millionaire, for the offer of a million would 
 be refused with scorn by every parent worthy of 
 the name. 
 
 With what wondrous love the true parent sees in 
 the baby features the tiny prophecy of future possi- 
 bilities — possibilities that are at once terrible and in- 
 spiring in their consequences! 
 
 The helpless little child awakens the earnest sym- 
 pathy of the coldest heart. Yes, the hardest heart 
 Hs melted, and the most selfish soul is warmed into 
 ' new life by the contemplation of a little child. Gaze 
 on the innocent face, as yet not touched by the care- 
 producing hand of time ! Contemplate the helpless 
 body, which must develop powers that will enable 
 it to fight life's battle! 
 
 The icy-hearted, unsympathetic cynic may smile, 
 but the solicitous parent dare scarcely think of the 
 weary way that the little feet must tread. Then 
 wonder not that all, save the unnatural parent, shud- 
 der when they think of the dangers which must be 
 avoided at every turn ; of the chasms and pitfalls
 
 14 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 of sin upon all sides ; of the inviting temptations to 
 be met with upon the stony uplands of later life, on 
 and over which these tender feet must tread their 
 
 ofttimes weary way. 
 
 - 
 
 The Artist's Experience. 
 
 Years ago, while passing along the street in New 
 York, a young artist saw a beautiful child, in whom 
 his trained eye perceived more perfection than he 
 had ever before seen in any human being. He could 
 not pass him by. He gazed and gazed. The more 
 he studied the little boy, the more angelic his per- 
 fection seemed. "I must paint that child's picture," 
 he exclaimed. "I will never see such a child again." 
 He painted it ; and, it is said, drew from it the in- 
 spiration which made him famous ; for it filled him 
 with the highest and noblest of thoughts. 
 
 Because of his love for it he refused fabulous 
 offers. Those who had children of their own loved 
 them better because of the sight of it. Those who 
 had no children longed for them, as they gazed r.pon 
 the canvas. Those who had lost their little ones 
 seemed lifted nearer to heaven as they stood before 
 it. The artist said : "If I can find a human being 
 sufficiently hideous, I will paint it to show the con- 
 trast." 
 
 Many years passed before his search was re- 
 warded. Finally, in a foreign country, he found a 
 hideous man, the personification of all that was vile 
 and infamous. He lay upon the prison floor, clad 
 in rags, with haggard face and bloodshot eyes, curs-
 
 CHILDREN. 15 
 
 ing God and man, while he waited for the sum- 
 mons to the gallows to pay the penalty of one of his 
 foul murders. The artist received permission to 
 paint the picture. The contrast was something ter- 
 rible in its completeness. Imagine, if you can, the 
 dreadful shock to the artist when he discovered 
 that he had painted two pictures of the same per- 
 son. The angelic child, because of the improper 
 training received from his parents, had developed 
 into the inhuman fiend. 
 
 The; Child a Blessing or a Curse;. 
 
 All parents are familiar with sufficient facts to 
 convince them that, while the greatest blessing 
 vouchsafed to a loving parent is a good child, the 
 very severest curse is a bad one. In the one case, 
 an unspeakable delight in their youth ; a source of 
 constant joy in their prime; the object of pro- 
 foundest pride, and, if necessary, a sure support in 
 their declining years. On the other hand, a source 
 of constant trouble and irritation during the morn- 
 ing of their existence : of heart-breaking misery in 
 the noontime of their life ; and the cause of bringing 
 their prematurely gray hairs to an untimely grave. 
 
 How often the broken-hearted parents have asked 
 the Almighty why the loved one was not taken in 
 the innocence of its childhood ! How hard it has 
 been to understand why the parents were permitted 
 to live and suffer untold agony as they saw their 
 once innocent, and still dearly-loved boy or girl, 
 swept past them in the rapids of sin and whirled to 
 everlasting destruction !
 
 16 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 The Happiness oe Parents. 
 
 What is there of pleasure in life for the lov- 
 ing parent whose precious child has gone astray? 
 Surely no success in business, or along any other 
 line can ever recompense for such a loss ! Though 
 this is the case, how few of us parents have given 
 careful consideration to methods of management, 
 in order that we might save these children, who are 
 dearer to us than life itself! Is it not a fact that 
 those of us who have sought for and failed to find 
 any practical suggestions have become discouraged, 
 and, not knowing what else to do, have continued 
 to stumble along as best we could, hoping that the 
 end would be that for which we prayed? 
 
 Children's Peace in Society. 
 
 For thousands of years children existed merely 
 by sufferance. They had no rights. They had no 
 place. Much was said of their duties to others. 
 No mention was made of what was due from others 
 to them. The lowly Nazarene emphasized our 
 duties to them when "He placed a little child in 
 their midst and s?id, of such is the Kingdom of 
 Heaven." In obedience to his lesson the children, 
 once upon the outermost circle of civilization, have, 
 for years, been moving nearer to their proper posi- 
 tion, until now they have reached the very centre, 
 and around them revolve all human interests.
 
 II. 
 
 TIME, PLACE AND CHARACTER OF 
 TRAINING. 
 
 Liee a Battle. 
 
 All life is a constant warfare. That of a child 
 is especially so. While developing conscience and 
 embryonic reason strive for supremacy, animal ap- 
 petites and propensities tempt to utter ruin by offer- 
 ing, in exchange, all the grosser and more material 
 pleasures in the child's heaven and earth. Whether 
 the sweet babe shall develop into the murderous 
 Herod, or the saving Moses, will be determined by 
 the result of the conflict. What the result of the 
 conflict shall be will depend largely upon the char- 
 acter of the training which the parents give their 
 children. To the child it means life or death — 
 upon the one side a life of honor and beneficence, 
 and a triumphant death* ; upon the other, a life of 
 shame and misery, and an ignominious death. 
 
 What is Meant by Training. 
 
 I 
 
 It is very important 'hat those upon whom rests 
 
 the responsibility of training children should fully 
 
 understand thSS significance of the word "training." 
 
 That some clo not is shown by frequent acts of 
 
 many earnest parents. 
 4
 
 18 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 Many parents still believe it means teaching. 
 Such is not the case. Primarily, teaching means 
 the imparting of knowledge. Training implies, not 
 merely the imparting of knowledge, but also in- 
 spiring to repeated action, which results in the for- 
 mation of habits. Teaching gives to the child new 
 facts. Training enables the child to make use of 
 the knowledge he possesses. Teaching is very im- 
 portant. Training is far more important. Why 
 teach many things if nothing is to be used? 
 Children should not merely be taught to know 
 what is right. It is not even sufficient to teach 
 them to be good. It is not enough that they be 
 fashioned into moral or intellectual negations. 
 They should be trained to be good for something, 
 and to do right. 
 
 All Will be Trained in Some Way. 
 
 Parents should ever be mindful of the fact that 
 all will receive some kind of training. During al- 
 most every wakeful moment every child is being 
 trained. Every sense reaches out after knowledge, 
 all of which helps determine his training. The 
 great aim should be to see to it that the training is 
 of the right kind. 
 
 The Delay that is Dangerous. 
 
 The great mistake many parents make is that 
 they do not begin the training of children as early 
 as they should. In answer to the question as to 
 why a mother permitted a certain action, she re-
 
 TIME AND PLACE OF TRAINING. 19 
 
 plied, as most mothers would have replied under 
 the same circumstances, "Why, he's only a baby." 
 How often we have all heard similar answers given 
 by conscientious parents who do not fully appre- 
 ciate the fact that, months after the child should 
 have been trained to do differently, parents have en- 
 couraged the growth of the most vicious habits, 
 from the bonds of which he can break with diffi- 
 culty, if at all. 
 
 The parent who expects to leave the training of 
 a child until a later period will find, when the time 
 arrives, that his lack of training has already had its 
 effect. Then will be necessary the arduous task of 
 undoing the evil that, by neglect, has been done, 
 of lifting him out of the ruts of improper training, 
 that he may be helped along on the smoother road. 
 Happy the parent who can overcome the constant 
 tendency to return to the old ruts. 
 
 When Training Should Begin. 
 
 Though it is hoped they are not many, yet there 
 are some parents who are disposed to put off the 
 training of a child until they send him to school. 
 This is done, either because of the belief that the 
 young child is not a fit subject for training, or be- 
 cause it is too much trouble. Regard for the wel- 
 fare of the child, if not sympathy for the poor 
 teacher, unreservedly condemns such a practice. 
 
 All who have had experience with children will 
 agree that they may be trained in important habits 
 long before it is possible to teach them. While a
 
 20 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 babe in its mother's arms, a child may be trained 
 to sleep in a noisy room, with or without rocking, 
 in the light or in the dark. Though in its early life 
 it has no other way to express dissatisfaction, yet 
 long before it is able to utter a word it can be taught 
 that it will not get what it cries for. These and 
 other important habits may very easily be instilled 
 into the young child. 
 
 It is not too much to assert that by the time the 
 child is able to talk he may be led away from many 
 of the habits which, in after years, will cause both 
 child and parents much unpleasantness, if not ab- 
 solute suffering. Without fear of successful con- 
 tradiction it may be asserted that the training of a 
 child should begin soon after birth, and continue 
 until the age when it is freed from all parental au- 
 thority. 
 
 One: Effect of Training. 
 
 With great plausibility some will continue to 
 urge the argument that a child's nature cannot be 
 changed. It is, however, plastic and may be 
 molded. It is even more certain that a child can 
 be so trained that it will give expression to its 
 nature in an entirely different way from that which 
 the same child would use but for the training. 
 
 If the training is begun quite early, and continues 
 as long as the child is susceptible to impressions 
 from without, it will have a marked effect upon 
 every stage of the child's existence. It is not too 
 much to claim that continued proper training will
 
 TIME AND PLACE OF TRAINING. 21 
 
 so change the expression of the child's nature that 
 it will appear as an entirely different creature. Such 
 training is in reality a process of transforming a 
 child into another kind of being. 
 
 Character and Training Determined by Tem- 
 perament and Age. 
 
 The training suitable for any child should not 
 only be determined by the health, the sex, the tem- 
 perament and by other conditions; it should also 
 be determined by age. The treatment which would 
 be best for a young child would probably be the 
 very worst for older children. As a child reaches 
 the age of adolescence it will generally be necessary 
 to relax absolute authority and make use of more 
 reason. On the other hand, it would be an even 
 greater mistake for parents to feel compelled to give 
 reasons to the young child, for the purpose of se- 
 curing compliance with their wishes. 
 
 Every Chied Can be Trained. 
 
 Many will argue that a child's future depends 
 almost entirely upon what it inherits. This is not 
 the case. Those who have made the most careful 
 study of this important problem agree that the most 
 that can be claimed for heredity is a tendency to 
 act as did the parents. They also agree that this 
 tendency requires stimulation from without. There- 
 fore, with proper care as to outside stimulations to 
 action, a child can be properly trained in spite of 
 adverse tendencies.
 
 22 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 Heredity. 
 
 The child may inherit impulses ; but a kind provi- 
 dence has foreordained that he shall not inherit 
 habits. He may inherit certain tastes, but he does 
 not inherit temptations. He may bring with him 
 into the world tendencies ; but he does not bring 
 with him any prejudices. In the very great ma- 
 jority of cases a child's character will be determined 
 by his training and his environment, rather than 
 by inherited tendencies.
 
 III. 
 
 THE THREE STAGES OF DEVELOP- 
 MENT. 
 
 As the Twig is Bent the Tree's Inclined. 
 
 All the child's powers exist but as germs, which 
 are easily developed and controlled almost at will, 
 by the wisely directed, fostering hand. Few will 
 deny that, as we can train to healthy and well-pro- 
 portioned growth the plant which, if neglected, 
 would have proven unsightly, dwarfed and barren 
 of good fruit, so, by proper training, the dormant 
 powers of a child may be brought to healthy devel- 
 opment, and by restraining the evil tendencies and 
 stimulating the good, vast changes for the better 
 may be made in the developing character. Parents 
 should ever remember that as the twig is bent the 
 tree will slant, and in the direction it inclines in 
 life so it will fall in death. Being responsible for 
 the first, they almost certainly determine the last, 
 not merely for all time, but for eternity as well. 
 Plastic Childhood. 
 
 We must not forget that there are different phases 
 of growth, through which the child passes imper- 
 ceptibly from one to another. 
 
 The first seven years may be termed the plastic 
 age, during which the child may be molded almost 
 at will, like clay in the potter's hands.
 
 24 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 The Receptive Age. 
 
 The second seven years is the receptive age, when 
 many of the most lasting impressions are made. 
 During these periods every vicious mental, moral 
 and physical tendency should be suppressed, and the 
 natural activity directed toward some associated 
 virtue. Thus, much can be done by careful treat- 
 ment, unwearied patience and persistent effort to 
 transform the surliness, vulgarity and other evil 
 tendencies into their opposites. The great danger 
 is lest, in these years, the mold into which the child 
 is cast may be a wrong one. 
 
 The Analytic Age. 
 
 The third seven years may be termed the analytic 
 age. During this period the youth examines and 
 questions more closely all matters presented to the 
 attention ; therefore, the training which might an- 
 swer satisfactorily for the first periods would be 
 of much less value during this third stage of de- 
 velopment. 
 
 The Chied Must be Trained at Home. 
 
 In spite of the fact that it is distinctly their duty, 
 too many parents try to place upon others the re- 
 sponsibility for training the child. Some look to 
 the church for the training which the child should 
 receive ; but the time spent in Sunday school or 
 church cannot possibly do much more than inspire. 
 It may teach some things and inspire toward higher
 
 THREE STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT. 25 
 
 activities ; but there is no possibility of such train- 
 ing as will firmly establish habits of action. 
 
 Many more look to the schools, which are doing 
 much toward training in right habits, along moral 
 and physical, as well as educational lines. But for 
 the training many get in the public schools of our 
 land, the outlook for the future of many a child, 
 as well as for the Nation, would be far more dis- 
 couraging than it now is. In spite of this fact, 
 however, it is, primarily, the duty of parents to see 
 that the home-training is what it should be; and 
 there is no excuse for their attempting to shift the 
 responsibility. Certain it is that the inspiration of 
 the church and the instruction in the schools are in- 
 finitely more effective when supplemented and re- 
 inforced by proper home training. 
 
 Limitations of Training. 
 
 In considering the power of training we must not 
 forget that, while a vast deal can be accomplished 
 by training, yet to the possibility of training there 
 are certain limitations. Each child can be trained 
 to do the best with his own powers. He can be 
 trained to go "in the way he should go," not in the 
 way some other child can go. 
 
 Adaptation of Training. 
 
 A child born blind may be taught many things 
 
 better than other children ; but he cannot be taught 
 
 .to see. The child born with a club-foot may be
 
 26 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 so trained that the worst of the defect will disap- 
 pear; but it cannot be so trained that all traces of 
 the defect will be lost sight of. A child who is of 
 nervous temperament may be so trained that it will 
 show less of the peculiarity of the nervous child ; 
 but it cannot be trained to such an extent that it will 
 appear to be more of the phlegmatic temperament. 
 The phelgmatic child may be trained to be some- 
 what less sluggish and a little more energetic, but 
 he cannot be trained to show the mental and physi- 
 cal alertness of the child of nervous temperament.
 
 IV. 
 RESPONSIBILITY OF PARENTS. 
 
 A Terribee Responsibility. 
 
 Every parent is familiar with striking examples 
 of the accepted truth, that vicious training idll 
 destroy every vestige of the divine. It is an op 
 pressive thought that upon someone rests the ter- 
 rible responsibility of training wisely each child ; 
 that over so many hangs one of the most dreadful 
 curses ever pronounced against man by the Al- 
 mighty: "Whoso causeth one of these little ones 
 to offend, it were better for him that a millstone 
 were hung about his neck and he were drowned in 
 the depths of the sea." Woe unto him, for "Their 
 angels do always behold the face of the Father 
 which is in heaven." Even the youngest children 
 are there to testify to the training and treatment 
 they have received from all, but especially frOm 
 their parents. 
 
 Cowardey Attempts to Shiet the Burden. 
 
 In mental, physical and moral characteristics, 
 children are almost entirely the result of two factors. 
 First, that which they inherit from their parents. 
 Second, the training which they receive from par- 
 ents and others. While accepting the responsibil-
 
 28 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 ity for the first, too many parents are disposed to 
 attempt to throw the responsibility for the second 
 upon the school, the church and the community. 
 Since the parents largely determine not only the 
 school, but also the society and the church under 
 whose influence the child must come, the responsi- 
 bility is entirely their own. It is the parents' busi- 
 ness to see to it that the child is under proper in- 
 fluences, not only while at home, but also when 
 away from home. Heaven has placed this responsi- 
 bility upon parents, and no power on earth can re- 
 lieve them of it. Refusal to appreciate the truth 
 of this statement may cause many to suffer, not only 
 in this life, but also in the life to come. 
 
 Why the Chips do not Faee Far from the 
 
 Block. 
 
 It will be readily seen, then, that, as the children 
 have the parents' disposition, as well as their pre- 
 cept and example, which are too often antagonistic, 
 there need be no wonder why the chips do not fall 
 far from the block. If the chips are not of the 
 sound, sterling oak, parents should examine closely 
 and be sure, before criticising the chips, that they 
 do not come from a decayed specimen of soft wood. 
 
 The Imperative Duty oe Parents. 
 
 Most parents have made many grievous mistakes 
 in the management of their children ; but, even yet, 
 it may not be too late to save the precious child.
 
 RESPONSIBILITY OF PARENTS. 29 
 
 The demand with which every parent must comply 
 is, "Train up a child in the way he should go and 
 when he is old he will not depart from it." 
 
 . Telling, Teaching, Managing, Training. 
 
 The great trouble is that too many parents act 
 as if they thought the injunction read, "Tell a child 
 how he should go." This is the easiest possible 
 thing for a parent to do ; yet, telling a hundred 
 times may only end in disappointment. Other par- 
 ents seem to think they should merely "Teach the 
 child how he should go." While this is a step in 
 the right direction, it will not answer. It is not 
 sufficient to explain the way ; for the child may not 
 be disposed to travel the way indicated. Again, 
 others seem to think that it means "Manage the 
 child so he will start in the way he should go." 
 Even this is not sufficient, for he is almost certain 
 to stray from the right way into the byway. It is 
 not sufficient to tell the child, nor even to teach the 
 child, nor even to manage the child. Nothing will 
 be sufficient, except a compliance with the injunc- 
 tion to "Train up a child." Training may imply 
 telling, teaching and managing; but it also means 
 seeing that the child does actually go in the right 
 way, until going right becomes a habit, a second 
 nature. This is no small undertaking. This is 
 hard work. 
 
 Seeming Indifference of Parents. 
 
 To all outward appearances, many parents seem 
 to care but little for the welfare of their children.
 
 30 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 Few parents are just what they feel they should 
 be as examples for their children, and it is very 
 unpleasant to them to see their own faults repeated 
 in their children. Nearly all would have it other- 
 wise. If the truth were known, it would be seen that 
 almost all would gladly do the right thing, but are 
 ignorant as to just what should be done. Not 
 knowing what is best, the only thing they can do 
 is to act as seems best at the time. 
 
 Most Parents Desire Light. 
 
 With but few exceptions, parents are intensely 
 interested in the welfare of their children. Their 
 mistakes are errors of judgment rather than of 
 heart. They are the results of ignorance as to the 
 best method of managing the individual child. It 
 may not be pleasant to acknowledge this fact, but 
 it is none the less true. Nor are parents to be 
 blamed. Where have they been able to find any- 
 thing suggestive upon these subjects? No matter 
 how earnestly they may have desired light, it was 
 not to be had for the seeking. It is hoped that ex- 
 cellent books upon this subject of the training of 
 children may multiply, so that earnest parents may 
 have no trouble in learning the ideas of those who 
 have given much thought to this all-important 
 problem. 
 
 Why Some Parents are not Interested. 
 
 While the majority of parents are really deeply 
 interested in the proper training of their children,
 
 RESPONSIBILITY OF PARENTS. 31 
 
 some argue that the training of children will take 
 care of itself. They urge that it is a natural func- 
 tion, and needs no special preparation. Would 
 such a father dare to take charge of a locomotive? 
 Would he not almost certainly hurry to destruc- 
 tion, not only himself, but all those whose lives de- 
 pended upon him? Yet the engine is made of cer- 
 tain mechanical devices of man, and entirely subject 
 to man's will. Should such a parent then unhesi- 
 tatingly assume the management or the training of 
 a child made by, and in the image of, Almighty 
 God, and subject to the law which He has or- 
 dained? Surely the training of children is such a 
 difficult matter that it amply justifies most serious 
 thought and study. 
 
 Great Reward for Parents. 
 
 What a grand reward is sure to come to the 
 parent who perseveres in the training of a child ! 
 Never-ending happiness is sure to be the result of 
 such wise persistence. Is it not worth all the pains 
 and all the trouble? The horse-trainer does not 
 regret the many hours of hardest labor spent in 
 striving to train a spirited animal. Should not 
 parents be as much interested in the proper train- 
 ing of their children? All would be, if they could 
 only appreciate how great a blessing every good 
 child is to those whom the child has to thank for 
 life and all its blessings. If parents could but 
 faintly appreciate these things there would cer-
 
 32 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 tainly be far less of that severity which comes from 
 impatience and thoughtlessness, and a great deal 
 more of careful study and prayerful meditation 
 upon this subject.
 
 V. 
 
 PRIMARY REQUISITES OF PROPER 
 TRAINING. 
 
 Success Assured. 
 
 There are so many things to be done, and so many 
 more which should be avoided, that it scarcely seems 
 possible to say what are the most important requi- 
 sites of proper training. However, a very careful 
 consideration of the matter has led to the conviction 
 that the following requisites are of the greatest im- 
 portance. Indeed, it may be safe to assert that the 
 parents who can comply with all these, all the time, 
 will have but little, if any, trouble in the manage- 
 ment of their children. 
 
 First Requisite. 
 
 Children are creatures of imitation. The first 
 years, spent largely with the parents, are the period 
 when their natures are susceptible, in the highest de- 
 gree to all kinds of impressions. Therefore, one all- 
 important requisite for the proper training of a child 
 is that the parent furnish the child with a good ex- 
 ample. By the parents' precept and example the 
 child is being daily cast into a certain mold. The 
 noble and the base are being stamped in the char-
 
 34 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 acter of the child, and will go with it through life 
 and make or mar it for time and for eternity. 
 
 While it may be said that this is the case with all 
 examples which influence the child, yet it is espe- 
 cially so with the parents' example; for, indelibly 
 fixed in the child's nature is the belief that what its 
 parents do is right and best. 
 
 Wonder not, then, that in the child is seen re- 
 flected, as from a mirror, the parents' peculiarities, 
 be they good or be they evil. By look, by thought, 
 by word and by act the parents sow the seed in the 
 susceptible heart of the child; seed which will take 
 root, spring up, bud, blossom, and bear appropriate 
 fruit. How terrible this truth! With what care 
 this responsibility should lead parents to strive for 
 the cultivation in themselves of better habits ! 
 
 Happy the child whose parents' example is what 
 it should be ! His chances in life are the brightest. 
 God pity the rest ! His miracles may save them. 
 When we consider how many do not have the right 
 kind of example the wonder is, not that so many go 
 wrong, but that any go right. Precepts are impor- 
 tant, but even with adults, an ounce of example is 
 worth a pound of precept. With children it is 
 worth a ton. 
 
 On the part of the parents there is too much dis- 
 position to criticise, and too little thought as to the 
 example being given daily and hourly. Children 
 need more good models and less sharp critics. The 
 soil and the seed are the parents', and so will be the 
 harvest. Since the parents' precept and example so
 
 PRIMARY REQUISITES. 35 
 
 largely determine the child's future happiness, what 
 a grand thing it would be if the child could select its 
 parents. Is it not true that too many parents have 
 given their children birth and nothing else. 
 
 Second Requisite. 
 
 For the welfare of the child, as well as for the hap- 
 piness of the parents, it is absolutely essential that a 
 child learn to obey. Very early in life a child dis- 
 covers that outside of himself there is a force to 
 which he must bend. Very early he should learn that 
 to this authority he must yield implicit obedience. 
 As a child grows older, he discovers that, not only in 
 the mother or father, but in the school and in society, 
 as well, there is authority which he must respect. 
 
 The child who has been taught to obey his parents 
 may easily be trained to do whatever the parents 
 would have him do. A child who has failed to learn 
 the lesson of obedience has everything to learn. The 
 parent who can secure prompt, unquestioning obedi- 
 ence from a child is not likely to have any trouble 
 in the management of that child. Since this is so, 
 it must be acknowledged that one basic requisite for 
 the management of a child is to secure the child's 
 obedience. This is considered of such vital impor- 
 tance that fuller treatment of the subject will be 
 given in a subsequent chapter. At that time the at- 
 tempt will be made to show how obedience may 
 easily be secured. 
 
 Third Requisite. 
 Many parents are heard to assert that they expect
 
 36 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 their younger children to be controlled by correct 
 principles. Though meaning well, such parents 
 make a grievous mistake. It is important that every 
 parent should clearly appreciate the truth and the 
 importance of the statement that principles are for 
 adults and rules for children. A parent makes a seri- 
 ous mistake in striving to train a child without the 
 use of rules or other explicit directions. 
 
 Even a young child quite early learns that certain 
 acts are permitted, while others are not. Such a 
 child cannot understand the principles upon which 
 the facts depend, but such a child can be trained to 
 compliance with demands when they are clearly un- 
 derstood. Children who quite early learn to give 
 in after years, when they are compelled to bend to 
 compliance to fixed rules will have but little trouble 
 in after years, when they are compelled to bend to 
 proper authority. 
 
 It must not be forgotten that upon the parent rests 
 the responsibility of fixing correct requirements. 
 Subjection to rules of any kind will train the child 
 in habits of obedience, but will not train him to 
 be what he should be, unless the rules themselves are 
 based upon right. If they are not so based, he will 
 most likely give way to his impulses when he is freed 
 from the necessity of complying with the rules. The 
 one great test of the efficiency of any rule is the ease 
 with which it may be done away with when once it 
 has been firmly established. 
 
 Some will be disposed to say that the young child 
 cannot be taught to understand the meaning of a
 
 PRIMARY REQUISITES. 37 
 
 rule. Yet all careful observers know that even a 
 young child may be taught that he will not get what 
 he cries for. How many of us parents have failed 
 to teach this to even our older children ? Any child 
 can certainly understand any rule before he can 
 comprehend principles underlying the establishment 
 of the rule. 
 
 The child three or four years old who knows that 
 certain punishments are sure to follow the breaking 
 of rules which the parents have made will not even 
 consider the violation of those rules. This fact was 
 lately shown conclusively in the writer's family. 
 Edith, who is but three years old, told her older 
 brothers that she would not leave the table before 
 she was excused, because if she did she would have 
 to sit on a chair a long time. 
 
 She had discovered that this rule applied to her 
 older brothers. Very gradually a child will learn 
 that the rules are founded upon what is right, and 
 thereafter will be governed, in part, by the principle 
 involved. 
 
 When the child reaches the age of twelve or fif- 
 teen, the age of pubescence, there will be less need 
 of rigid rules. In fact, if the training has been such 
 as it should have been, such a child will be governed, 
 in great part, by correct principles. This is the time 
 that there should be an effort made to replace rules 
 made by the parents with those rules or principles 
 which the child is able to understand and accept for 
 himself. Parents should also exercise great care in
 
 38 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 seeing that no more rules are made than are ab- 
 solutely necessary. 
 
 Fourth Requisite;. 
 
 The fourth requisite to be mentioned is that of 
 kindness. Every parent worthy of the name wishes 
 to be kind. Too few love their children wisely. Still 
 fewer fully realize the all-conquering power of kind- 
 ness. Those who have had experience with crimi- 
 nals will testify to the truth of the statement that the 
 callous heart of the confirmed criminal, though it 
 makes no answer to severity or suffering, yet be- 
 comes soft as a child's under the influence of real 
 kindness, against which no human heart is proof. 
 Can it be that the hardened tenant of the prison cell 
 is influenced more easily than the innocent child, so 
 deeply sensitive to every impression? 
 
 Fifth Requisite. 
 
 While loving kindness, if shown wisely, will gen- 
 erally be sufficient to influence a child, every child 
 must, at times, feel that back of the kindness there is 
 firmness and authority which must be considered. 
 By firmness is not meant brutality or harshness, or 
 even unkindness. The child should feel that the 
 hand laid upon him is controlled by the love and 
 tenderness of the mother, and the strength and firm- 
 ness of the father. 
 
 While the very young child must meet with noth- 
 ing but kindness, yet, very early, it can learn what
 
 PRIMARY REQUISITES. 39 
 
 is meant by the restraining look or act. In the early 
 years, until implicit obedience becomes habitual, the 
 demand for firmness will be most frequent. 
 
 As the child grows older the necessity for its use 
 should decrease, so that by the time the child has 
 reached the age of ten or twelve, when the child be- 
 gins to fret under absolute demands, there should be 
 but little need of commands. 
 
 Any appearance of indecision will be a great 
 temptation to resistance of authority ; especially with 
 the child under twelve it is best to err upon the side 
 of firmness. Some may fear that this will make the 
 child feel unkindly toward the parent. Such is not 
 the case. On the contrary, every careful observer 
 must acknowledge that children naturally respect 
 and love those who insist upon strict compliance with 
 the rules of right. Seldom, if ever, will you find a 
 show of gratitude or love on the part of the child 
 who has been coaxed to do what is right. 
 
 Sixth Requisite;. 
 
 Uniform, consistent treatment is another very im- 
 portant requisite of proper training. How few rec- 
 ognize its importance ! To-day, the parents' exam- 
 ple is diametrically opposite to what it was yester- 
 day. The act punished with severity then is passed 
 unnoticed now. At one time overwhelmed with 
 kindness; at another crushed by firmness which 
 amounts to positive cruelty, if not brutality. To-day 
 petting ; to-morrow scolding. Yesterday threats ; to- 
 day bribes. Under such fitful management, or
 
 4 o TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 rather mismanagement, is it to be wondered at that 
 the child is trained to no fixed principles of action? 
 On the contrary, it is but natural that the child's 
 conduct comes to be determined by the mood of the 
 parent, rather than by the conviction of what is 
 right. Very soon the child learns to calculate 
 chances and develop a wonderful ability to discount 
 and take every advantage of government by spasms. 
 Happy the child whose parents are able to meet 
 these six requisites !
 
 VI. 
 
 DIFFERENT METHODS OF MANAGE- 
 MENT. 
 
 Management By Artifice. 
 
 Many mothers, and not a few fathers, endeavor to 
 manage their children by aid of tricks, and by other 
 means which will enable them to avoid direct con- 
 flicts with their children. In this way they hope to 
 secure compliance with their wishes without un- 
 pleasantness. 
 
 If they have decided to go out and leave one or 
 more of the children at home, they will sometimes 
 send to a different room those to be left behind. 
 Sometimes they will tell deliberate untruths as to 
 where they are going. At other times they may pre- 
 tend to be going to one place and fully intend to go 
 to another. The parents who make use of such meth- 
 ods should not expect to be held in respect by their 
 children. Not only will a child soon learn to look 
 with positive distrust upon everything the parent 
 says or does, but the disappointment will be so much 
 increased that it will scarcely ever be forgotten. 
 
 Worse than all, the children will be trained in 
 habits of deceit and falsehood ; so that irreparable 
 injury will be done. Parents who have used such
 
 42 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 means in the management of their children will ac- 
 knowledge that not only did the children soon dis- 
 cover the deceit, but also that in a short time they 
 became more successful than their parents in reach- 
 ing desired ends by means of artifices, if not by posi- 
 tive falsehoods. 
 
 Management By Reason. 
 
 Other parents regularly rely upon managing their 
 children by giving reasons for their actions. Before 
 these parents have gone far they discover that they 
 have little time for anything else. The children will 
 soon insist upon having explanations at every point. 
 Very soon the parents discover that such a method 
 of management is as impracticable as the method by 
 artifice. The probability is that, becoming thor- 
 oughly disgusted with themselves and this method, 
 they will suddenly change to some more strenuous 
 plan. 
 
 There are times when reasons may and should be 
 given; but, without doubt, it is a great mistake for 
 parents to give children grounds for expecting rea- 
 sons whenever the children see fit to insist upon 
 them. 
 
 When Reasons Should Be Given. 
 
 The question which naturally arises in the mind of 
 every thoughtful parent is "When shall I give rea- 
 sons?" This is not an easy question to answer. 
 There are times when reasons should be given.
 
 METHODS OF MANAGEMENT. 43 
 
 There are other times when reasons should not be 
 given. It is very doubtful if a reason should be 
 given to a young child when the question of obedi- 
 ence is pending, if offered as an inducement to pro- 
 cure obedience. After the child has done as re- 
 quested it is a good time to call the child and ex- 
 plain why something was insisted upon. If done in 
 the proper spirit it will make matters much more 
 satisfactory in the future. 
 
 Again, it may sometimes be found best to give 
 reasons to an older child of strong will for the pur- 
 pose of helping the child to come to a correct deci- 
 sion concerning something which has been left to 
 the child to decide. However, a child should never 
 be permitted to feel that he has a right to demand 
 a reason of a parent. 
 
 Management By Harshness. 
 
 Most of us know that the parent who strives to 
 manage a child by tricks, or simply by reason, will 
 soon find these methods altogether unsatisfactory. 
 Unkindness, scolding, harshness, threats, injudicious 
 punishments and other ill-considered methods 
 will soon take the place of government by artifice 
 and reason. That the last mentioned methods are 
 used by many, all must admit. That they are not 
 proper, none will deny. 
 
 Management By Absolute Authority. 
 Those who have endeavored to manage their chil-
 
 44 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 dren by any of the methods mentioned will need no 
 argument to convince them that they have made a 
 mistake. Happy the parent who, before it is too 
 late, realizes the fact that the only parental govern- 
 ment which is worthy of the name is that founded 
 upon absolute, unquestioned authority. In the train- 
 ing of children the first duty of the parent is the 
 establishment of authority over them. Very early 
 each child should discover the absolute necessity of 
 obeying the wish of the parent. Very early the habit 
 of complying with the parent's demands should be 
 firmly fixed. 
 
 Some; Objections. 
 
 Some will object because they wish to use nothing 
 but gentle means with their children. Their inten- 
 tions are good. The great effort of all parents 
 should be to manage their children by such measures. 
 However, parents will soon find that it is impossible 
 to manage children by gentle means unless they first 
 secure absolute authority over their children. Let 
 this be secured, and there need be no trouble there- 
 after. Thus alone can they ever realize their pur- 
 pose to secure the desired end by gentle measures. 
 
 As before stated, others will object because they 
 wish to govern the children by reason. Such are 
 unmindful of the fact that judgment is dependent 
 upon faculties that do not mature early, and is, there- 
 fore, the last to develop. A child ten years old may 
 have strength enough to earn a living, but the law 
 does not consider his reason sufficiently developed to
 
 METHODS OF MANAGEMENT. 45 
 
 trust him to himself until he is twenty-one years old. 
 Not only is it a duty of a parent to support a child 
 until he can support himself, but it is equally binding 
 upon the parent to give a child the benefit of the 
 parent's mature judgment. To expect a young child 
 to provide nourishment for himself is just as rea- 
 sonable as to think that he should furnish reason for 
 his own guidance and direction. 
 
 Another Objection. 
 
 Others object to governing by absolute authority, 
 because of the belief that thus the parent may lose 
 the child's love. Above all things parents do and 
 should desire to forever keep the warm love of their 
 children. The love which a child feels toward a 
 parent will depend, in great measure, upon the sym- 
 pathy shown in his joys and sorrows. This love 
 will not only be lost, but it will most certainly be 
 more firmly established by the exercise of a kind, 
 just, absolute authority. What person can remem- 
 ber an instance of a child's caring more for a parent 
 who permited him to do as he pleased than he did for 
 the parent who, in all kindness, but with much firm- 
 ness, required him to comply implicitly with his di- 
 rections ? 
 
 How Parents Teach Children to Despise Them. 
 
 The parent who fails to govern his child is apt 
 not only to lose the child's love, but also to earn the 
 child's contempt. Sad it is, yet true, that in a very
 
 46 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 short time children will understand the weakness of 
 a parent, and utterly despise the one who cannot 
 manage even a child. As such children grow older 
 they will grow unmanageable, and will hold in su- 
 preme scorn a loving parent who has sacrificed par- 
 ental authority in the hope of winning the child's 
 love. 
 
 In later years, when, perhaps, the mother has gone 
 from them, children will begin to feel gratitude for 
 her self-sacrificing love, and contempt will turn to 
 pity. Then they may say, "Poor mother; she tried 
 to manage us, but she was too kind." Let it not be 
 forgotten that the parent who fails to govern a child 
 loses the child's respect, wins its contempt when 
 young, and its pity when older. Since this is so, 
 surely no parent should hesitate to strive to bring 
 his child under absolute authority by gentle means, 
 if possible, but by some means without fail.
 
 VII. 
 
 WHEN TO BEGIN. 
 Begin at the Beginning. 
 
 One great cause of trouble is that parents do not 
 fully realize the importance of beginning early 
 enough. They say they do not wish to interfere with 
 the child's freedom. They say they wish him to be 
 perfectly natural. They are probably unmindful of 
 the fact that the child naturally passes through the 
 several stages of civilization through which the race 
 has passed. Left to himself he would probably take 
 several ages for his passage through the savage, 
 half-civilized, civilized and enlightened stages. Be- 
 cause of the influence of parents and others, he is ex- 
 pected to pass quite rapidly through the first stages. 
 Parents should appreciate the importance of begin- 
 ning early, in order that they may help the child to 
 almost entirely skip the first two stages. 
 
 Too often the child is permitted to do just as he 
 pleases for months, or even years. Though child- 
 hood is the time for freedom, it is not the license. 
 Let us remember that it is, of all times, the one 
 time when training can be made most effective. 
 This being the case, parents should appreciate the 
 importance of beginning at the beginning.
 
 48 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 Quite Easy at the Beginning. 
 
 Many parents who read this will probably ex- 
 press doubt as to the truth of the statement that, if 
 taken in time, most of the worst children could have 
 been managed quite easily. It seems hardly possible 
 to them that a child possessing an unusually great 
 supply of nervous energy, sometimes of a very trou- 
 blesome disposition, at other times very stubborn, 
 and once in a while showing signs of absolute insub- 
 ordination, could ever have been reached by any but 
 the harshest methods of management. However, 
 there is but little, if any, doubt that the most gentle 
 measures would have proven perfectly satisfactory 
 had they been tried in time and followed with firm- 
 ness and perseverance. 
 
 If proper care is taken the first year, there will be 
 no cause to worry about the rest. If this time is lost 
 it will be regained only with difficulty. After these 
 years the parent will need to be the lighthouse to 
 warn away from hidden dangers. 
 
 If One is Not at the Beginning. 
 
 What shall be done by the large majority who are 
 not at the beginning? This is the problem which 
 confronts many. For those not at the beginning the 
 problem is by no means easy of solution. If a child 
 has been trained in improper habits, and has passed, 
 in part at least, beyond the parents' control, the diffi- 
 culty is still greater. However, the principles are the 
 same, though the application may, of necessity, be
 
 WHEN TO BEGIN. 49 
 
 somewhat different. Under such circumstances the 
 means to be employed will have to be far more 
 strenuous than if started earlier. 
 
 No Reason for Despair. 
 
 Too many parents become discouraged, and are 
 easily convinced that it is not possible for them to 
 manage their children. Though children seem past 
 reclaiming, there is generally no good reason for 
 despair. Ninety-five out of every hundred can be 
 reached, if parents will but take the interest it is 
 their duty to take in reclaiming an erring child. 
 
 But for improper training there would be little 
 cause for regret. If the parent will govern himself 
 in the light of suggestions given in such books as 
 this all may yet be well. Let the child be studied 
 carefully, persistently and prayerfully. Let the ex- 
 ample of the parents be what it should be. Let kind- 
 ness be accompanied by much firmness. Let a cer- 
 tain course of action be followed invariably. Suc- 
 cess will most certainly result. Ever let the parent 
 remember that nine times out of ten the child is not 
 nearly so bad as he appears to be. 
 
 Practical Suggestions. 
 
 If a child has formed habits of disobedience and 
 insubordination, don't expect him to change sud- 
 denly for the better. With such a one you must 
 often expect to work patiently, without seeing much 
 improvement for some time. Especially will this be
 
 50 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 the case with those of the bilious temperament. 
 With all, but especially with such, as before stated, 
 habits cannot be broken except in the way they have 
 been formed, that is, by frequent repetition. Do not 
 start by saying what you are going to do. 
 
 After careful consideration determine your course 
 of action. Find no fault with what has been done 
 in the past. Gradually, cautiously and persistently 
 strive toward the desired end. It may take a great 
 deal of skill, but the result will be most satisfactory.
 
 VIII. 
 
 HABITS. 
 Habits All-Important. 
 
 Parents must ever keep in mind the fact that 
 training means the formation of habits. Other ani- 
 mals learn by instinct; man only by practice. He 
 is therefore said to be but a bundle of habits. A 
 person's character is determined by the character of 
 the habits of which the bundle is composed. It is 
 represented by the sum of our good habits and our 
 bad. If we were not creatures of habit we could 
 make but little, if any, progress, as all our time and 
 attention would have to be given to the simplest 
 functions of body and mind. 
 
 Good habits are the result of the repetition of 
 right actions ; bad habits the result of wrong actions. 
 A child who gets into the habit of doing what is 
 right because it is right will not only be a good 
 child, but will almost certainly develop into a noble 
 man or woman. The opposite is also true. 
 
 Habits not only determine the mental and physical 
 action, but also the moral action as well. More than 
 this, to a large extent, they, when evil, warp the 
 conscience, that divine guide which is the highest 
 authority given to man.
 
 52 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 Dr. Maudsley's Opinion. 
 
 Very few fully appreciate the importance of cor- 
 rect habits. No one who does not appreciate the 
 power of habit is fitted to train a child. It is not 
 merely second nature ; it is far stronger than nature 
 itself. Dr. Maudsley, in his psychology of mind, 
 emphasizes the effect and importance of habit as 
 follows : 
 
 "If an act became no easier after being done sev- 
 eral times, if the careful direction of consciousness 
 were necessary to its accomplishment on each occa- 
 sion, it is evident that the whole activity of a lifetime 
 might be confined to one or two deeds — that no 
 progress could take place in development. 
 
 "A man might be occupied all day in dressing and 
 undressing himself; the attitude of his body would 
 absorb all his attention and energy; the washing of 
 his hands or the fastening of a button would be as 
 difficult to him on each occasion as to the child on 
 its first trial ; and he would furthermore be com- 
 pletely exhausted by his exertions. 
 
 "Think of the pains necessary to teach a child to 
 stand, of the many efforts which it must make, and 
 of the ease with which it at last stands, unconscious 
 of any effort." 
 
 The Importance of Habit in Society. 
 
 Though we may begin to appreciate the import- 
 ance of habit in the life of the individual ; few have 
 any conception of the influence which the habits of
 
 HABITS. 53 
 
 individuals have upon the prosperity and even the 
 very life of government. Seldom, if ever, has this 
 been better stated than by James, in his latest psy- 
 chology. Speaking upon this point, he says : "Habit 
 is thus the enormous fly-wheel of society, its most 
 precious conservative agent. It alone is what keeps 
 us all within the bounds of ordinance, and saves the 
 children of fortune from the envious uprisings of 
 the poor. It alone prevents the hardest and most re- 
 pulsive walks of life from being deserted by those 
 brought up to tread therein. It keeps the fisherman 
 and the deckhand at sea through the winter ; it holds 
 the miner in his darkness, and nails the countryman 
 to his log cabin and his lonely farm through all the 
 months of snow ; it protects us from invasion by the 
 natives of the desert and the frozen zone. It dooms 
 us all to fight out the battle of life upon the lines of 
 our nature or our early choice, and to make the best 
 of a pursuit that disagrees, because there is no other 
 for which we are fitted, and it is too late to begin 
 again." 
 
 Earthly Purgatory. f"~^ 
 
 The same writer has said, "The hell to be endured 
 hereafter, of which theology tells, is no worse than 
 the hell we make for ourselves in this world by 
 habitually fashioning our characters in the wrong 
 way. Could the young but realize how soon they 
 would become mere walking bundles of habits they 
 would give more heed to their conduct while in the 
 plastic state. We are spinning our own fates, good 
 or evil, and never to be undone. Every smallest
 
 54 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 stroke of virtue or vice leaves its never so little scar. 
 The drunken Rip Van Winkle, in Jefferson's play, 
 excuses himself for every fresh dereliction by say- 
 ing, 'I won't count this time.' Well, he may not 
 count it, and a kind Heaven may not count it, but it 
 is to be counted none the less. Down among the 
 nerve cells and fibres the molecules are counting it, 
 registering and storing it up to be used against him 
 when the next temptation comes. Nothing we ever 
 do is, in strict scientific literalness, wiped out. Of 
 course this has its good side as well as its bad 
 one. As we become permanent drunkards by so 
 many separate drinks, so we become saints in the 
 moral, and authorities and experts in the practical 
 and scientific spheres by so many separate acts and 
 hours of work." 
 
 The Matter of Greatest Importance. 
 
 The matter of greatest importance, then, is that 
 children be so trained that their habits will be a help 
 to them in the future, rather than a hindrance. The 
 great thing is to make the nervous system an ally of 
 the child, rather than an enemy. So train a child 
 that he firmly fixes a bundle of good habits, and you 
 will immeasurably benefit him. Such a bundle of 
 habits will prove a most excellent moral, physical 
 and mental capital, upon the interest of which the in- 
 dividual may live all the years of his life. 
 
 The Effect of Lack of Habits. 
 There is no more miserable person than the one 
 who is always hesitating as to what he should do.
 
 HABITS. 55 
 
 Hesitating as to what time he should go out; what 
 time he should breakfast; whether he should smoke 
 or not ; what time he should go to work, and, in fact, 
 hesitating at every period in the day. Two-thirds 
 of such an individual's time and energy are wasted 
 in deciding upon or regretting actions which should 
 have long since become purely mechanical through 
 established habits. 
 
 Time to Form Habit. 
 
 Most habits are formed in youth. Then it is that 
 the chain of habits coils itself around young hearts 
 like a serpent around its victim. Even before we 
 know it they are forming the foundations of char- 
 acter. The thought determines the act ; the act the 
 habit; the habit the character; the character the 
 destiny. 
 
 It is the duty of parents to strive to make the 
 habits the friends of their children, rather than their 
 enemies. For all this is best done in early youth, 
 just as the most skilful violinists, the most agile and 
 graceful dancers, are those whose training began 
 almost in infancy. Every act wears in their na- 
 tures a little track, which deepens with repetition 
 like a groove, in which it runs easily. When these 
 grooves are once formed it is very hard to get our 
 actions out of them and make them take a new 
 track. 
 
 How Habits May be Changed. 
 
 What shall be said concerning the bad habits 
 which have already become fixed in children? If
 
 56 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 habits have been growing stronger and stronger for 
 years it is folly to expect that they can be com- 
 pletely changed in a short time. This is no easy 
 undertaking. Habits can be broken only in the 
 same way that they have been acquired, and that 
 is by practice. Those who have strong will-power 
 we may help to succeed in escaping from the bond- 
 age of habits quickly. With others we must be 
 prepared to labor hard and long. 
 
 By strong resolution; by careful watching, lest 
 the old habit assert itself; by determined fighting 
 against the tendency to do that which is wrong ; by 
 avoiding thoughts, persons and places which are 
 the cause of the temptation ; by keeping busy all the 
 time; and, when possible, performing acts the op- 
 posite of the habit to be broken ; by never becoming 
 discouraged — thus, and only thus, can any habit, 
 when once firmly established, be replaced by a better 
 one. Children can change their habits far easier 
 than can their parents. This should not be forgot- 
 ten. It is far easier for them to improve their 
 ideas, practices and methods. Their minds are im- 
 pressionable, and comparatively little help will en- 
 able them to do far better, if they wish to improve. 
 
 Principles and Habits. 
 Let us not forget, then, that while good principles 
 are important, good habits are infinitely more so. 
 Hell is proverbially paved with resolutions which, if 
 carried into actions and habits, would have resulted 
 in leaving his Satanic majesty far more lonely than 
 he is reputed to be.
 
 IX. 
 
 USE OF INCENTIVES IN CHILD- 
 TRAINING. 
 
 Pleasure and Pain. 
 
 Very early in life the child learns that certain 
 actions are followed by pleasant sensations, while 
 others are not. Almost intuitively he strives to 
 secure the one and to avoid the other. Soon the 
 desire for the pleasant sensations becomes so strong 
 that it acts as an incentive to action. 
 
 As the child grows older the incentives which 
 appeal to him increase in number, grow in power 
 and rise in character. Consciously or unconsciously 
 they influence the will, determine action, fix habits, 
 mold the character, and make certain the destiny of 
 all, both for time and for eternity. Since they do 
 so vitally affect the present and future of all, much 
 attention should be given by parents to the con- 
 sideration of their influence upon children. 
 
 A Pound oe Leading Worth a Ton oe Driving. 
 
 It is a hundred times as easy to lead as to drive. 
 Too few parents appreciate the importance of this 
 truth. A still smaller number understand the proper 
 use of right incentives. In the past too much time
 
 58 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 and energy have been wasted in unsuccessful at- 
 tempts to drive children into right ways, and too 
 little thought given to plans for leading them, by 
 pleasant experiences and anticipations, to prefer the 
 correct paths. 
 
 All who have studied children closely will agree 
 that, if started right, most of them can be led easily 
 all the time; that all can be led most of the time, 
 and that few, if any, need be driven much of the 
 time. Why, then, should a child be constantly 
 driven, if he can more easily be led most of the 
 time? How important, then, that we learn to lead 
 when it is possible to do so, and drive only when 
 we must. It is the duty of a parent to be always 
 a general. Then it will be seldom necessary for 
 him to be a boss. 
 
 Moral Value of Incentives. 
 The true value of any incentive is determined by 
 the character of the end desired. At first it will be 
 necessary to choose the simpler and lower incentives. 
 Many make the mistake of appealing to the higher 
 before the child has reached such an age or stage 
 of moral development as justifies the use of such. 
 Failing to respond to the higher, the child is often 
 improperly classed with those who cannot be 
 reached by any incentive. It is also a great mis- 
 take to continue the use of lower incentives after 
 the higher begin to appeal to the child's judgment. 
 
 The Selection of Proper Incentives. 
 It requires no little skill to select the proper in-
 
 USE OF INCENTIVES. 59 
 
 centives and to gradually supplant all the lower by 
 higher. Nevertheless it is very important that this 
 be done. If it is not done the child will fail to act, 
 except when under the stimulus of the lower mo- 
 tives. The continued use of the lower motives not 
 only weakens the will, but makes the child a slave 
 to external influences, forms bad habits and places 
 desirable ends upon a false basis. The constant 
 effort should be to use the highest incentives which 
 will appeal to the individual child at the particular 
 time. 
 
 Seven Valuable Incentives. 
 
 Since the selection of proper incentives is so im- 
 portant and, at the same time, so difficult a matter, 
 it is well for us to consider very earnestly what in- 
 centives can be found which will enable us to man- 
 age and train our children. By so doing we may 
 be saved the necessity of using much harsher means. 
 The following seven incentives are such as can be 
 used by every parent. 
 
 The Desire for Comfort. 
 
 Beginning with the lowest in the scale, the desire 
 for comfort is one of the very earliest of incentives. 
 As before stated, while yet a babe in the mother's 
 arms, the child discovers that some acts are followed 
 by personal comfort and others by unpleasant sen- 
 sations. The one great desire is to secure the pleas- 
 ant and avoid the unpleasant. This natural desire
 
 60 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 largely determines the conduct of individuals all 
 through life. 
 
 If the child's treatment is uniform, these associa- 
 tions, being made frequently, leave their impress, 
 and the child becomes aware of a law of conduct 
 outside of itself. This is the will of the parent or 
 other person in authority. Very soon the child 
 learns that it pays to avoid all acts which result in 
 pain or discomfort. So well is this lesson learned 
 that few bad habits would be formed if unpleasant 
 results uniformly followed improper acts. 
 
 Fear of Punishment. 
 
 The fear of some kind of punishment is a power- 
 ful incentive to right conduct. Though one of the 
 very lowest, yet it is an incentive of which most 
 parents must make use frequently, at first. 
 
 While it should not be used when it is possible 
 to reach the desired end by any higher, the fact re- 
 mains that with far too large a proportion of chil- 
 dren and adults it is the fear of the consequences 
 that generally prevents the improper action. 
 
 Rewards and Prizes. 
 The natural desire for some objective recognition 
 of right conduct always acts as a powerful incen- 
 tive with most children. Considered simply as 
 such, regardless of their intrinsic value, they may 
 easily be replaced by incentives of a higher kind. 
 The great danger of prizes is found in the fact that, 
 unless great care is taken, the child will be led to
 
 USE OF INCENTIVES. 61 
 
 act merely for the love of the prize. In this, as in 
 everything else, the child is a creature of the pres- 
 ent, and is powerfully influenced by the expectation 
 of some little reward soon, rather than by the hope 
 of some great reward in the distant future. 
 
 Approbation of Parents and Others. 
 
 Quite early the young child learns, unconsciously, 
 from the tone of the mother's voice, and from her 
 smile or frown, that certain acts are approved, while 
 others are not. This incentive to proper conduct 
 increases with the age of the child. So powerful 
 does it become, if carefully used, that scarcely any 
 other incentive or punishment will be needed. 
 Would that parents could grasp the truth of this 
 statement ! How dearly do the little ones prize the 
 parents' approval! They are not only made happy 
 by the praise received, but also because of the added 
 pleasure which comes from the consciousness of 
 having given their parents pleasure. 
 
 The commendation of a stranger is very pleas- 
 ant to a child; that of a friend or companion still 
 sweeter; but the smile of approval, the sympathetic 
 "well done," "you are a dear boy," "that is a good 
 girl," or similar expressions of a loved parent, are 
 the sweetest fruits of a child's earnest efforts. Par- 
 ents, is it not true that few of us have made use of 
 this incentive as often as we should? It is not yet 
 too late to prove the power of this method. 
 
 From this desire for the approval of the parent
 
 62 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 there will gradually arise a desire for the approba- 
 tion of one's own conscience ; then of all whose 
 opinion is valued, and finally for that of the Su- 
 preme Being. 
 
 Confidence; of Parents. 
 
 If the child can be made to feel that the frequent 
 approval of the loving parent has resulted in secur- 
 ing the confidence of the parent, he will prize noth- 
 ing better than the retention of that confidence. No 
 pain will sink deeper into his soul than the tempor- 
 ary loss of this parental confidence. 
 
 Force of Habit. 
 
 Influenced by other incentives and various con- 
 siderations the child will gradually form habits of 
 action. These habits of action will tend to repeat 
 themselves. For this reason they will result in a 
 strong though unconscious incentive to right con- 
 duct. 
 
 Sense of Duty. 
 
 Slowly there develops the idea that certain things 
 should be done because they are right, and others 
 avoided for the reason that they are wrong. 
 While this idea is very weak at first, yet generally 
 by the time the child enters school it has become 
 apparent. Though at this time the child's principal 
 law of conduct must still be the will of the parent, 
 or other one in authority, it should not be forgotten
 
 USE OF INCENTIVES. 63 
 
 that embryonic conscience is striving feebly to see 
 the light of duty. 
 
 The pleading of an enlightened conscience is the 
 highest incentive to which anyone can respond. 
 This requires not merely that the child see what is 
 right, but also demands a determination to do right 
 because it is right. This means the culture of the 
 will, that most important of all objects of culture.
 
 X. 
 
 PUNISHMENT OF CHILDREN. 
 Should Children be Punished? 
 
 There must be some punishment for wrongdoing. 
 But for this there could be no government either 
 in the State, or in the family, upon which the exist- 
 ence of the State depends. 
 
 There are many who say that a child should never 
 be punished. Most of these mean that the child 
 should not be whipped. They have in mind the 
 brutal treatment of children. Some may really 
 mean that they think a child should never be pun- 
 ished in any way. This class is generally composed 
 of those who have had little or no experience in the 
 management of their own children or of the chil- 
 dren of others. 
 
 In the Divine economy it has seemed necessary to 
 provide punishment for wrongdoing. Does it not 
 appear senseless for mortals to attempt to improve 
 upon His methods ? While some punishment seems 
 absolutely necessary, too great care cannot be taken 
 by parents in order that their mode of punishment 
 may be such as will reach the desired end, without 
 any of the evil consequences which are sure to fol- 
 low injudicious or ill-considered punishment.
 
 PUNISHMENTS. 65 
 
 Legitimate Objects oe Punishment. 
 
 The one great object which justifies a parent's 
 punishing a child is the honest desire to reform the 
 child and to lead him to do what is right. In every 
 case of doubt the parent should ask himself the 
 question, "Is this the best way to influence my child 
 to do better?" 
 
 Another legitimate object of punishment is found 
 in the fact that, if properly administered, it con- 
 demns the wrong and upholds what is right. 
 
 If there are several children in the family an- 
 other very important object of punishment is its 
 effect in deterring all from doing wrong.' Punish- 
 ment may be inflicted upon one child in such a way 
 as to make it unnecessary to punish other children 
 for similar offenses. Happy the child who lives in a 
 family where the parent makes such use of it ! 
 
 Characteristics oe Proper Punishment. 
 
 Every child should understand clearly the cause 
 of the punishment. Too often children are pun- 
 ished in anger before an explanation is given. Un- 
 der such circumstances punishments cannot pos- 
 sibly do good, but will certainly do harm. 
 
 Punishments must be just. A guilty child may 
 seem to resent a punishment ; but, in his heart, he 
 does not when it is properly administered. Pun- 
 ish an innocent child, and, in spite of love and re- 
 spect for his parents, he can scarcely ever forget it. 
 
 Punishment should be certain. Much more de-
 
 66 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 pends upon certainty than upon severity. To over- 
 look an offense at one time and punish it severely 
 at another time is an excellent way to encourage 
 children in wrongdoing. 
 
 Punishment should be mild. It should never be 
 more severe than is necessary to reach the desired 
 end. It is a kind of allopathic moral medicine, the 
 virtue of which depends upon its being used in 
 homeopathic doses. 
 
 Punishment should be deliberate. If time is 
 taken for reflection, it will frequently be seen that 
 the parent, and not the child, is deserving of the 
 punishment. 
 
 When possible, punishment should be natural. 
 For example: If a boy uses his knife to cut the 
 furniture, he should be deprived of the knife. Pun- 
 ishments which are natural follow as the results of 
 actions and are always powerful as correctives. 
 This is the fundamental characteristic of Divine 
 punishment. 
 
 Punishments should not destroy self-respect. 
 Such as do are fiendish. The great object of moral 
 training is to develop self-control and self-respect, 
 not destroy them. 
 
 Punishments should be inflicted in kindness. By 
 word and manner the parents should show that it 
 is an unpleasant task. Nothing will cause the les- 
 son to sink more deeply and be remembered longer. 
 
 The Severity of Punishment. 
 As before indicated, parents should use the small-
 
 t 
 PUNISHMENTS. 67 
 
 est amount necessary to reach the desired end, and 
 should take great care not to magnify offenses. Un- 
 necessarily hard punishments tend to make hard 
 hearts. 
 
 The severity of the punishment should depend 
 upon the motive. If there is no intention to com- 
 mit a wrong, there can be little, if any, guilt. Very 
 many cases of seeming disobedience are simply the 
 result of thoughtlessness, which is and will con- 
 tinue to be most natural until there is found some 
 approved plan of placing an old head upon young 
 shoulders. May the plan never be found ! 
 
 The severity of punishment should depend upon 
 the frequency of the offense. It is, indeed, very 
 seldom that the child should be punished for its first 
 offense upon any line, unless its attention has been 
 called to it in other ways. 
 
 It is also very important that parents remember 
 that the severity of the punishment should be de- 
 termined by the age, the sex, the temperament, and 
 the physical condition of the child. What would 
 be very little punishment for one child would be 
 very severe for another. The young child will be 
 more easily reached than the older ; the child of 
 nervous temperament by much less than one who 
 is of the phlegmatic or bilious temperament. 
 
 Improper Punishments. 
 
 There are some methods of punishment fre- 
 quently used, yet for which no parent worthy of
 
 68 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 the name would say a word in defense. They are 
 never right under any condition. Among those of 
 more frequent use may be mentioned the following: 
 Blows upon the head, boxing or pulling the ears, 
 violent shaking, calling of names, sarcasm, scolding, 
 nagging, threats, solitary confinement. 
 
 Proper Punishment. 
 
 Displeasure of parents is one valuable punish- 
 ment. Other things being equal, the greater the love 
 between the child and parent, the greater the effect 
 of the expressed displeasure. Like the parents, the 
 child cares little for the criticism of enemies, and 
 much for unkind words from those whom he loves. 
 Properly used, the heart of almost every child will 
 respond to love and inwardly resolve to do better. 
 
 One of the most effectual kinds of punishment, 
 with most children, is that of depriving them of 
 some privilege. If, in place of some expected pleas- 
 ure, the child is required to sit down and think over 
 the cause of the loss, he will come to the conclusion 
 that it does not pay to lose a great pleasure for a 
 small one. 
 
 The keeping of some record of a child's short- 
 comings may also be made use of with good effect, 
 with most children. This record may be merely 
 a number of marks made when the child fails to do 
 as he should. When it is found that a number will 
 mean certain punishment, and that by especially 
 praiseworthy conduct some marks can be removed,
 
 PUNISHMENTS. 69 
 
 it is remarkable how great an influence this device 
 will have upon the conduct of even the younger 
 children. 
 
 When Corporal Punishment Should be Used. 
 
 By this is meant the infliction of bodily pain for 
 the purpose of reform. By some this is classed as 
 a proper form of punishment; by others, as im- 
 proper.. All must agree that it should not be used 
 until after incentives and all other methods of pun- 
 ishment have failed to give the desired results. 
 Those who have had children of their own to train 
 scarcely know what else to do after all other 
 methods have failed. Some children may be 
 trained properly without the use of it, if the 
 parents are wise enough. However, some use of 
 it will be necessary for most children of the ma- 
 jority of parents. Its improper use will cause many 
 heartburns ; but its proper use may save the parents 
 from deeper anguish when it is too late to save the 
 precious child. 
 
 Six months ago the writer told his dear boys that 
 he thought it would be a valuable experience for 
 each of them to learn what it was to get a sound 
 thrashing. They were told that they were to receive 
 one in proportion to the number of "bad marks" 
 each received in accordance with the plan men- 
 tioned above. The effort was made to be fair; but 
 the "good marks" so outnumbered the "bad marks" 
 that at the present writing they are farther away
 
 70 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 from a whipping than they were six months ago. 
 Is the plan not worthy of a trial? 
 
 Characteristics of Corporal Punishment. 
 
 That which has been said concerning the charac- 
 ter of punishments in general applies also to cor- 
 poral punishment, so that each characteristic should 
 be carefully considered with reference to this im- 
 portant matter. 
 
 Punishment should always be upon the fleshy 
 parts of the body, with a switch, strap, piece of small 
 rubber hose, or similar instrument, which cannot 
 inflict such injury as the parent may regret for 
 years to come. 
 
 Parents should take great care lest they inflict 
 corporal punishment in such a way as to make it 
 appear that they are vindictive or "trying to get 
 even." 
 
 The blows should not be more frequent than once 
 or twice each minute. If this is done, and the 
 strokes interspersed by such expressions and admo- 
 nitions as will prove that the parent desires only 
 the good of the child, the punishment will be very 
 effective. The loving kindness may have failed; 
 the harsh application of the rod may not give the 
 desired results ; but the combination of the two will 
 surely never be forgotten, and is almost certain to 
 attain the end in view.
 
 XL 
 
 OBEDIENCE. 
 
 Success Dependent Upon Obedience. 
 
 As the child grows older he will discover that his 
 success and happiness, both at home and in school, 
 depend upon prompt obedience. As he grows to 
 manhood he will learn that he cannot live peace- 
 fully unless he is willing to yield obedience, not 
 only to the authority in the family, but to that in the 
 school and the community as well. One of the 
 greatest of all parental responsibilities, then, is that 
 of fixing in every child the habit of unquestioning 
 obedience to proper authority. 
 
 Obedience May Save a Child's Liee. 
 
 The time may come in the life of every child 
 when not only the happiness, but even the life of 
 the child may depend upon implicit obedience. 
 Nearly everyone can recall instances when such has 
 been the case. Few there are who do not know of 
 many cases where a child would have been saved 
 much pain had he learned to obey. 
 
 Years can never efface from memory the writer's 
 experience with a precious child, who was snatched 
 from the jaws of death after the body had begun
 
 72 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 to grow cold in death. The physicians all agreed 
 that but for the implicit obedience to commands, 
 which almost broke the father's heart to give, no 
 power on earth could have saved the life of that 
 dear boy, who now is such a comfort to his parents. 
 
 Obedience; Through Fear. 
 
 If it be granted that obedience must be secured, 
 the question will arise as to whether or not it should 
 be obtained through fear. This is the lowest form 
 of obedience. It is the least desirable. In some 
 cases, however, as with young children, this may 
 be the only kind which a parent is able to secure. 
 It is the only kind of obedience which appeals to 
 many people at any time. 
 
 The fear of punishment is the only deterrent 
 which prevents many from breaking the laws of 
 God and of man. However, no parent should be 
 satisfied to stop with that obedience which is the 
 result of fear of the consequences of disobedience. 
 If it is not replaced by a higher form of obedience, 
 there is likely to remain in the child's heart a latent 
 feeling of hostility, which may some time break 
 forth and burn and blast the brightest hopes of the 
 fond parent. 
 
 The Easiest Method of Obtaining Obedience. 
 
 Perhaps the easiest way to train young children 
 to habits of obedience is by the use of some certain 
 punishment. 
 
 \
 
 OBEDIENCE. 73 
 
 It is only necessary that the child should under- 
 stand that improper acts will certainly be followed 
 by some unpleasantness or disadvantage. 
 
 Much can also be accomplished by a proper use 
 of rewards. This is a more difficult plan than the 
 last mentioned. It requires more skill, better 
 knowledge and greater delicacy of perception and 
 discrimination. 
 
 Even better results will be secured by the careful 
 use of such higher incentives as will appeal to the 
 child. 
 
 Obedience; Must Not be Bought. 
 
 Great care must be taken lest obedience appear to 
 be bought. This is the great danger in the use of 
 any system of rewards. Where a child is rewarded 
 systematically he is not only apt to expect it, but 
 is apt to demand the promise of the reward before 
 he is ready to give willing compliance with direc- 
 tions. From this there is likely to result a system 
 of bribing, which is one of the surest ways to ruin 
 the best of children. 
 
 Obedience to Circumstances. 
 
 Even though it may be necessary to start with 
 obedience through fear or other low incentives, the 
 effort should be made to pass from these to obedi- 
 ence to circumstances. The child should soon learn 
 that it is not merely arbitrary authority to which 
 he is compelled to give compliance. As soon as he
 
 74 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 is able to comprehend it, he should be shown that, 
 not only from him, but from every person, circum- 
 stances demand obedience. When a child under- 
 stands that even the parents must be obedient to 
 circumstances over which they have no control, 
 every vestige of antagonism will generally disap- 
 pear. The less arbitrary a parent is with all, save 
 the youngest children, the greater real power the 
 parent will have over them. 
 
 Obedience Through Love. 
 
 One of the very highest forms of obedience is 
 that which is inspired by love of the parent. How- 
 ever, before a child can be reached by such a high 
 incentive he must have reached quite a high 
 moral plane. A very young child cannot reason- 
 ably be expected to have reached such a plane. 
 
 That parent is most successful who gets the 
 child to so love and trust him that pleasing him is 
 sufficient inducement to lead the child to give cheer- 
 ful and ready obedience, not only to commands, but 
 also to the implied wish of the parent. Happy in- 
 deed the parent who has been thus successful. 
 
 Sometimes a parent may have some unpleasant 
 command to give concerning which he feels there 
 should be some explanation. At such times the 
 loving parent will probably say, "Do this now; I 
 will tell you why later." Sometimes, with an older 
 child, it may be well to explain the main reason for 
 requiring certain things. The child will soon learn
 
 OBEDIENCE. 75 
 
 that it is the parents' love which prompts such con- 
 sideration. 
 
 Obedience; Through Sense of Duty. 
 
 Obedience through a sense of duty is the highest 
 form of obedience. Not until a child has reached 
 a very high moral plane is it reasonable to expect 
 that he will be at all influenced by his sense of what 
 is right. Too many parents fail to realize the truth 
 of this statement. They therefore expect too much 
 of their children. While they should aim to so 
 train their children that they will be largely in- 
 fluenced by a sense of love and duty, they should 
 not fail to remember that this is asking a great deal 
 of anyone, and especially of a child. 
 
 Comparatively few adults ever reach, and still 
 fewer permanently maintain, such an exalted posi- 
 tion. However, it is toward such a plane that we 
 should direct our children. It is an ideal difficult to 
 attain, but not unattainable. Better than this, if we 
 can occupy the citadel we may beckon to them and 
 urge them to come up and occupy it with us. Surely 
 the parent whose children are ready to give prompt, 
 cheerful obedience because of love for parents or 
 regard for what is right must be considered most 
 fortunate. 
 
 When Obedience Should be Demanded. 
 
 No parent has a moral right to require obedience 
 to any command which is not justified. Where
 
 76 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 there is no good reason for requiring it the child 
 should be permitted to have his own way. In this 
 way obedience would be made more attractive. The 
 great trouble is that parents are apt to speak without 
 consideration, and to give ten times as many com- 
 mands as are really necessary. 
 
 The greatest care should be taken not to tell a 
 child to do what is evidently wrong. Than this 
 nothing will more quickly cause a child to lose its 
 respect for the parent. 
 
 Whom a Child Should Obey. 
 
 Much has been said by others of the necessity 
 of training a child to obey all who are older than 
 himself. Is this right? Is it best? Will it not 
 produce a slavish feeling which will greatly injure 
 the child's character? 
 
 Let it be agreed that every child should give re- 
 spectful consideration to his elders, because of their 
 age and experience. Let all acknowledge that no 
 child should fail to show most respectful reverence 
 toward his grandparents, and his other relations. 
 That being granted, it would seem best that the 
 child should not feel the absolute necessity of giv- 
 ing implicit obedience to any save his parents, or 
 to those acting in their stead. 
 
 One Method oe Winning Obedience. 
 
 While, with young children, the fear of punish- 
 ment and the desire for reward must be used to
 
 OBEDIENCE. 77 
 
 secure obedience, they should be replaced by higher 
 incentives as soon as it is possible to do so. 
 
 By the time the child has reached the age of six 
 or seven it may be explained that obedience is more 
 necessary in children than in lower animals. They 
 may be told that lower animals arrive at maturity 
 in a short time, and, because of instinct, they are 
 able to take care of themselves quite early in life. 
 It is not so with children. To them God has given 
 but little instinct. In place of instinct He has given 
 them a wonderful power of improvement. In a 
 few days the young bird is able to leave the nest, 
 and no longer requires the care of the parent bird. 
 Not so with the child. Years of patience, kindness 
 and care are spent in supplying the wants of chil- 
 dren. Many nights of terrible anguish are spent 
 by parents in watching over a child before it is safe 
 to trust it to go out to fight life's battles. By such 
 explanation, and by such other means, the child may 
 be taught that the experience and wisdom of the 
 parent is certain to be more reliable than that of the 
 child. 
 
 Other Methods of Securing Obedience. 
 
 Many other methods of securing obedience will 
 suggest themselves to the thoughtful parent. As 
 has been said, it is of the greatest importance that 
 the habit of giving prompt obedience should be 
 firmly established in the early years. 
 
 Great care should be taken in selecting other 
 methods. The method decided upon should always
 
 78 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 be the highest which will appeal to the child. How- 
 ever, parents should guard against selecting those 
 which are beyond the child. Results will be most 
 satisfactory if the parents' acts are such as to im- 
 press the child with the fact that the parent is the 
 personification of unchanging justice, tempered with 
 mercy. 
 
 A Certain Method of Securing Obedience. 
 
 Nearly all that has been said upon obedience 
 might have been left unsaid if it had been certain 
 that parents could all follow one little rule, which it 
 is believed would result in training most young chil- 
 dren into habits of obedience. 
 
 The great objection to this rule, as to many others, 
 is that it demands perseverance and invariableness, 
 such as but few are able to command. The rule is 
 this: When justifiable, always reward proper ac- 
 tion, and never fail to punish, in some slight degree, 
 every act of disobedience. Could anything be more 
 simple? Oh, if parents could only understand how 
 little punishment will keep nearly any child in the 
 right path, if only the punishment is certain ! 
 
 The child who feels certain that every act of dis- 
 obedience will be followed by some little privation, 
 or considerable inconvenience, will hesitate about 
 refusing to obey. If only the child could feel sure 
 that no matter in how good a humor the parent may 
 be the result will be the same, the influence would 
 be entirely different. The certain punishment would
 
 OBEDIENCE. 79 
 
 seem greater than the pleasure secured by the act 
 of insubordination. 
 
 How to Make it Easy to Obey. 
 
 It is really wonderful to observe how much easier 
 it is for children of some parents to obey than it 
 is for those of others. If carefully analyzed the dif- 
 ference will be apparent to all. 
 
 One parent will come upon the child, and in harsh 
 tones, order the little one to stop in the midst of a 
 game and go right to bed. Is it any wonder that 
 such a lack of sympathy and kindness raises all the 
 opposition there is in any child's nature? 
 
 Another parent will give a little time by saying 
 "It is almost time to stop now ; however, you may 
 finish your game if you wish." 
 
 The first parent will not only greatly increase the 
 disappointment which the child naturally feels, but 
 will also give a sudden shock to the child's nervous 
 system. Even the slight delay granted by the 
 second parent will greatly soften the pain, and make 
 the act of compliance with his wish much easier than 
 it would otherwise be. It may seem that this is a 
 weakening of the parents' authority. Such is not 
 the case. The submission to the authority is as 
 complete ten minutes later as at the time of speak- 
 ing. However, great care should be taken to see 
 that when the time comes the obedience is prompt 
 and absolute.
 
 XII. 
 
 THE MANAGEMENT OF THE BAD BOY. 
 
 A Hard Question. 
 
 What shall be done with the bad boy ? How shall 
 he be managed ? Is it possible to save him ? These 
 are questions which are old but ever new. They 
 constantly demand answers from many loving par- 
 ents. Let us be honest about the matter. Is he 
 really bad? It is very much to be doubted. Years 
 of experience with many thousands of boys and 
 girls convince the writer that ninety-five out of 
 every hundred who are said to be bad should not be 
 condemned by the use of any such word. 
 
 Some Reason for Caijjng a Boy Bad. 
 
 Very often a boy is condemned because he is 
 blessed with too much life and energy. They boil 
 over and produce "The noisiest boy you ever saw." 
 Too many parents do not understand the truth of 
 the statement that "Boys must be boys, with their 
 racket and noise." 
 
 Many times a boy is criticised because he is mis- 
 chievous. This is no crime. Why should he be 
 condemned for this? How many can point to a
 
 THE BAD BOY. 81 
 
 successful man who, as a boy, was not often in mis- 
 chief? 
 
 Some are condemned because they are not respect- 
 ful, or because they, at times, are impudent. This 
 is a great fault; it should be corrected. It is fre- 
 quently the result of improper training, for which 
 the parents are responsible. It is important that the 
 parents find some way to train boys away from the 
 habits already formed. It is also hoped that they 
 will be fair and not blame it all on the boys. 
 
 Others are said to be bad because they do not tell 
 the truth. Others because they sometimes take what 
 does not belong to them. Others because they 
 tease. Others because they are forgetful. Others 
 because they sometimes get into a fight. For these 
 and other reasons we are only too ready to condemn 
 boys and decide that they are bad. 
 
 Expecting Too Much of Boys. 
 
 Is it not just possible that we are expecting too 
 much of boys ? They are not saints. None of them 
 show any indications of budding wings. They are 
 perhaps not even so nearly good as are their par- 
 ents. Maybe they are not much worse than some 
 of their parents were at the same age. Forgetful 
 of our own shortcomings of the present and past, 
 we are too apt to look for the development of a 
 higher sense than we have any right to expect. 
 As I have said before, these boys must pass through 
 all the stages through which the race has passed.
 
 82 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 First, the savage, then the half-civilized, and after 
 that the civilized and enlightened stages. All pass 
 more rapidly through these stages than did the race ; 
 yet you have no right to expect any great amount of 
 goodness from any child. The germs are there, but 
 it takes time for their development. 
 
 No Boys are Depraved. 
 
 Though they may seem to be, few, if any, boys 
 are naturally depraved. Careful examination will 
 convince all that what seems to be natural has, in 
 reality, been acquired through imitation. There 
 would probably be no hoodlums among the boys if 
 there were none to be found among the men. Even 
 the very bad boy is vicious only upon the surface. 
 His toughness is only skin deep. The utter disre- 
 gard for the rights of others, the insolence, the pro- 
 fanity, are mere imitations of the actions, the man- 
 ners, the language and the vices of some swagger- 
 ing bully who, for the time being, is the boy's ideal. 
 Be assured that the boy is not saturated with the 
 poison, as is the case with men. The boy is simply 
 inoculated. With him, as with the growing body, 
 it is easily possible to throw off the poison, if only 
 proper steps are taken to secure this much-desired 
 end. 
 
 How to Save the Vicious. 
 
 Let it be acknowledged, then, that while most 
 of those said to be depraved are not really so, yet
 
 THE BAD BOY. 83 
 
 some do show most vicious tendencies. What shall 
 be done with them? Though a very hard question 
 to answer, it may be a solution can be found. It is, 
 indeed, a difficult problem. Especially difficult, be- 
 cause what will apply in one case may not be of 
 special value in another. 
 
 Important Steps. 
 
 Each boy must be studied carefully, and the gen- 
 eral principles applied in the light of the informa- 
 tion gained by most careful study of the particular 
 boy's peculiarities. See to it that you understand 
 his nature, character and temperament. Locate his 
 particular weaknesses. Strive to find their causes, 
 and, if possible, remove them. 
 
 Change op Environment. 
 
 A change of environment, of companions, and of 
 methods of management, will often cause such a 
 change in a boy's nature as to astonish those most 
 interested in him. In many cases it will result in 
 reclaiming those who have already been given up 
 as hopeless cases. 
 
 Ideaes. 
 
 If his ideals are low, strive to raise them. Some 
 ideals he will have. See to it that they are the best 
 possible. This may be done by talks and by plac- 
 ing the right kind of books in his hands.
 
 84 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 How One; of Many Was Saved. 
 
 Study closely his likes and dislikes ; also his com- 
 panions, and his reading, than which nothing is 
 more important. See to it that he is in good com- 
 pany at all times, but especially after dark. To-day 
 I met a young clerk in a lawyer's office. Less than 
 one year ago his mother plead with me for the third 
 time to help her have him sent to a reform school. 
 I refused, and said: "You can save C. if you will 
 keep him off the streets at night." She did so, and 
 the boy was saved. The parent who permits a boy 
 or girl to run the streets after dark should be dealt 
 with by the law. 
 
 No Boy Utterly Bad. 
 
 From what has been said it is hoped the reader 
 will agree that no boy is altogether bad. No matter 
 how sure one may be that such is the case, it is prob- 
 ably a mistake. Somewhere in each boy's nature 
 there is a hidden germ of manhood. Find it. Hav- 
 ing found it, stimulate it into healthy growth, and 
 you will have saved your boy from a life of shame 
 and your soul from endless anguish. 
 
 The sympathetic soul that can discover and de- 
 velop what is best in one of these boys has a high 
 mission in life. It may take much patience, love, 
 knowledge and wisdom, but he can be saved. 
 
 Never Give Up. 
 Less than five minutes before this paragraph was
 
 THE BAD BOY. 85 
 
 written a fine young man and his wife left the house 
 of the writer. Six years ago I was helped from 
 my sick bed to an office, where, to save this same 
 young man from the penitentiary, I gave a check 
 for three hundred dollars. Pages would be re- 
 quired to detail his many terrible errors during the 
 next year. Few believed he would ever do as he 
 should. Yet for the past five years he has been one 
 of whom his widowed mother and young wife may 
 well be proud. No one can know what satisfaction 
 such cases are to those who have worked persist- 
 ently and prayerfully to save such as seemed beyond 
 human power to save.
 
 XIII. 
 
 TRAINING THROUGH ENCOURAGE- 
 MENT. 
 
 An Erroneous View. 
 
 The majority of parents are disposed to take it for 
 granted that it is natural for children to do what 
 they should. Therefore, if they do right, they are 
 not commended. It is taken as a matter of course. 
 If they do wrong, someone is ever ready to criticise 
 unkindly, if not most harshly. Too often the criti- 
 cism is also quite unjust. This is all wrong. Too 
 much effort and time are spent in trying to correct 
 the w^ong by harsh means. Too little effort is 
 made for the purpose of leading into right paths by 
 kindly encouragement. 
 
 Young children have no knowledge of what is 
 right and what is wrong. All they are to know 
 upon this subject must be learned by instruction, or 
 from the example of others with whom they come 
 in contact. Since this is so, we should not be so 
 ready to accuse children of doing wrong purposely, 
 or of deliberately giving pain. 
 
 The; Right Way to Correct. 
 Consider the case of a boy who has broken a
 
 TRAINING THROUGH ENCOURAGEMENT. 87 
 
 valuable vase, perhaps carelessly, and is therefore 
 liable to punishment. The parent calls the child 
 to answer: "Ralph, did you break this vase?" He 
 answers promptly, "Yes, papa, I did." Many a man 
 has faced death at the cannon's mouth with less 
 moral courage than this boy displays. Is it any 
 wonder that, in this particular case, the loving par- 
 ent commended by saying, "My dear boy, you are 
 brave. You are noble. The value of the vase is 
 as nothing compared to the prize I put upon your 
 truthfulness. Many a boy would have told an un- 
 truth, knowing that no one saw the culprit. Now 
 I know I can trust you to tell the truth at any time 
 and under all circumstances." Will anyone doubt 
 that the boy's bosom swelled with pride ? He never 
 forgot the lesson. Seven years have passed, yet, to 
 this day, he has never given the parent reason to 
 believe that he is anything but perfectly honest and 
 truthful. 
 
 The Opposite Way. 
 
 In the latter case mentioned suppose that, after 
 the boy had acknowledged breaking the vase, the 
 parent had punished him severely. How unjust 
 would have been such treatment ! There was evi- 
 dently no intention to break it. There probably 
 was not even more carelessness than could justly 
 be expected of a lively boy of five years old. Would 
 not such treatment tend to make any child untruth- 
 ful in every case where he thought he would be
 
 88 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 likely to escape? Surely, no one will doubt that the 
 influence of the first-mentioned method upon the 
 developing character would be infinitely better than 
 if the second plan had been used. 
 
 The Universal Tendency. 
 
 The great trouble is that the almost universal 
 tendency is to pass, without notice, the many times 
 the child tells the truth and does right, and to deal 
 most harshly with him the time he yields to the 
 natural temptation. The child may treat a younger 
 brother or sister with kindness twenty times and re- 
 ceive no word of commendation. He is sure to 
 receive a scolding, if not worse, if the twenty-first 
 time he forget himself and acts naturally, by reason 
 of the imposition of the younger child. Is not this 
 all wrong? 
 
 A Word oe Warning. 
 
 Let all be watchful and praise what is right, 
 rather than continually find fault with what is 
 wrong. This is of vast importance in training to 
 proper conduct. However, parents should guard 
 against indiscriminate commendation. When used 
 without good reason, the tendency is to make the 
 child vain and to do more harm than good. Praise 
 what is really praiseworthy. Do not praise that 
 which requires no effort of the will or moral recti- 
 tude. Even with the cross, surly, ill-natured child 
 this method will certainly give the most excellent
 
 TRAINING THROUGH ENCOURAGEMENT 89 
 
 results. It is hardly necessary to say that a child 
 should not be told that he is ill-natured or that he 
 is bad. Such senseless treatment will surely ruin. 
 Watch long, if necessary, for some pleasing act and 
 then commend most heartily. 
 
 Rewards. 
 
 Many make much use of rewards of all kinds. 
 One trouble with giving rewards is that many fail 
 to distinguish between hiring and buying children. 
 For example: Upon leaving home for a number 
 of days the writer expressed the hope that his boys 
 would do as they should. Had he wished to hire 
 them to do so he would have promised them some 
 certain prize for good behavior. This might or 
 might not have produced the desired result. When 
 he returned he inquired concerning their actions. 
 The report being most satisfactory, he called the 
 boys and asked them to take a walk up street with 
 him. There he purchased a fine penknife for each 
 one. In the evening he told them why he had done 
 so. Until that time they had no idea of the reason. 
 Thus the boys learned that their determination to 
 act as they should was not overlooked, even though 
 no promise had been made. In such a case it is 
 very important that improper conduct should cer- 
 tainly result in disappointment. 
 
 A Better Way. 
 What has been said about hiring children to do 
 as they should must not be taken to indicate that
 
 9 o TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 this should never be done. Indeed, many times it 
 may be well to agree upon a price for a certain 
 amount of work. This will act as a stimulant, and 
 all through life they will find that only as the result 
 of work done can they expect pay. It may even 
 be deemed a proper thing for parents to sometimes 
 buy children to do as they wish. Though it may 
 be considered wrong in principle, yet it is better, 
 both for the parent and the child, than a system of 
 management by harsh threats and brutal punish- 
 ments. 
 
 Different Effects of Two Ways. 
 
 Some yet assert that there is no practical differ- 
 ence between simply rewarding a child for what he 
 has done and paying him a promised amount. 
 But is there not considerable difference? In the 
 first case, the doing of the right thing is associated 
 with pleasant results which were not anticipated. 
 Thus doing right is made more attractive, and 
 future conduct is more likely to be such as it should 
 be. The child will be able to develop a spontaneous 
 tendency to act from a sense of duty, rather than 
 from the desire for certain pay. 
 
 In the other case, the child will feel that he has 
 performed services for a fixed reward. If he does 
 not wish the reward, he is apt to feel he need not 
 do as directed. If he does as he is told he is apt 
 to feel that the reward belongs to him, and there is 
 therefore no sense of obligation to do right because 
 it is right.
 
 XIV. 
 
 THE NATURAL CHILD. 
 
 Child or Adult. 
 
 Most parents are anxious that their children 
 should be as nearly perfect as possible. Yet, how 
 seldom do they stop to consider what a child should 
 be. If they would do this, very few would dis- 
 cover good reasons for finding fault as frequently 
 as they do. The trouble is most parents wish their 
 children to be perfect adults, rather than typical 
 children. It is impossible that they should be. 
 Neither is it best. Nay, more, it would be very sad 
 if such were the case. It would be time to call in 
 a specialist for the purpose of trying to correct the 
 unnatural condition. 
 
 First Characteristic of the; Natural Child. 
 
 A healthy child will be noisy. From the time 
 of its birth, until it passes the age of childhood, it 
 is most natural that it should make a noise. But 
 for this it could not properly develop physically. 
 Therefore let parents think twice before exclaiming, 
 "Stop that noise ! Will you ever keep quiet ? You 
 will drive me crazy with your racket."
 
 92 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 In the House oe Too Much Trouble. 
 
 The time may come when the parents would give 
 all they possess to hear the little one at its boister- 
 ous play. Like the parents spoken of below, they 
 may find it out too late. 
 
 "In the house of too much trouble 
 Lived a lonely little boy, 
 Always longing for a playmate, 
 
 Always eager for a toy; 
 But, you see, 'twas too much bother, 
 
 Sister said, and daddy, too, 
 And he must not worry mamma; 
 She had other things to do. 
 
 "In the house of too much trouble 
 
 Anguish stamps the mother's brow; 
 As she prays 'God spare my darling'; 
 
 Every wish she'll grant him now, 
 But a faint voice whispers, 'Mamma, 
 
 Won't the angels let me play? 
 When they take me up to Heaven 
 
 Will I still be in the way?' 
 
 "In the house of too much trouble 
 
 Little boys were in the way; 
 No one ever seemed to reason 
 
 That a boy must sometimes play. 
 Soon his baby woes and worries 
 
 Left their trace upon his brow; 
 In the house of too much trouble 
 
 There are quiet moments now."
 
 THE NATURAL CHILD. 93 
 
 Second Characteristic. 
 
 As the child loves to cling to its mother's breast, 
 so it is quite natural for the child to love to live 
 near to the bosom of mother earth. Doing so is 
 apt to make it healthy and strong. A number of 
 writers have explained why this is the case. 
 
 Have you ever known a child to keep clean? If 
 so, have you followed the child's history? If you 
 have it is probable that your heart has bled for the 
 child and for the parents in later years. The writer 
 well remembers a boy who was frequently held 
 up to his own children as a model of cleanliness. 
 At that time he expressed his belief that there 
 was something the matter with the child. A 
 year or two later the trouble made itself manifest. 
 A very delicate operation was performed on the 
 child. When he regained consciousness and noted 
 the blood his first question was, "Did any of the 
 blood get on my clothes?" Later developments 
 proved that the trouble with the child was even too 
 deep to be reached by a surgeon's knife. It was 
 mental. What parent would have his child ex- 
 change places with him? 
 
 Third Characteristic. 
 
 If the child's digestion is good the active child 
 will want to eat each day between meals. There 
 will be frequent calls for a piece of sugar-bread, 
 cake, or something else to satisfy the craving caused 
 by the demand for energy-producing substances.
 
 94 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 It is as natural for the healthy child to be hungry 
 between meals as it is for the parent to desire food 
 after having omitted one or two meals. While 
 much harm may be done by permitting children to 
 eat candy and sweetmeats between meals, it is 
 probably well that children who have been playing 
 hard should have some nutritious food at other than 
 meal-times, provided they do not eat anything an 
 hour before the next regular meal. As the child 
 grows older there will be less reason for permitting 
 eating between meals. 
 
 Fourth Characteristic. 
 
 It is quite natural for a child to be very thought- 
 less and just as forgetful. Even parents have 
 sometimes been known to forget. What can be 
 expected of children? There is something radically 
 wrong when a child of tender years is as thought- 
 ful as one much older. Thanks to an all-wise 
 Providence, no one has yet discovered an approved 
 method of making children grow old suddenly. 
 
 Fifth Characteristic. 
 
 The natural child will be active continually. 
 This is absolutely necessary for the health of every 
 child. It can scarcely be suppressed. No wonder 
 that the tired, nervous mother cries out for some 
 cessation of the continual running around. But let 
 her strive to stand it, in the certain knowledge that 
 it is necessary for the building up of a strong body,
 
 THE NATURAL CHILD. 95 
 
 with which to fight life's battles for himself, and, 
 if need be, for the tired parents as well. The main- 
 spring of action in every healthy child is so strong 
 that it is almost impossible to comply with the re- 
 quest to "sit still." 
 
 A time and place should be provided when boys 
 and girls can let their animal spirits flow unchecked. 
 Except at recess, they have but little freedom at 
 school. Some teachers would even take away their 
 recess. There is all the more need of such periods 
 out of school. 
 
 Other Characteristics. 
 
 A number of other peculiarities may be mentioned 
 as those belonging to the child who is healthy and 
 natural. While they will appear in all natural chil- 
 dren, they will vary with the child. Most children 
 are impatient. They generally have strong im- 
 aginations. They are affectionate. Until taught 
 differently they are kind to animals. They find 
 much pleasure in small things. They feel keenly, 
 for a time, disappointments. They are not natur- 
 ally fearful, though quite early they may be taught 
 to be afraid of many things. 
 
 The Meaning oe a Child's Activity. 
 
 The activity of a child is nothing more than the 
 reappearance of forces produced by the food he has 
 eaten. If you want a child to sit still you should 
 feed the child less and, perhaps, kill the child. It
 
 9 6 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 is possible to stop him entirely by starving him. 
 This may seem a senseless suggestion, but it is 
 more sensible than to expect a healthy, well-fed 
 child to remain inactive. If such a child should be 
 compelled to remain still for a considerable length 
 of time it would greatly injure the child. Criminals 
 in solitary confinement are not fed as others who 
 are allowed to be more active. It has been found 
 that if this is not done the forces produced by food 
 so disorganize their vital organs that insanity and 
 death result. Should we not give the innocent child 
 as much consideration as is given to the convicted 
 felon ? 
 
 A Common Mistake. 
 
 From what has been said it will be seen that we 
 are generally mistaken in thinking that children are 
 active merely for the purpose of accomplishing 
 something. The child's activity is generally neces- 
 sary for the expenditure of the forces which have 
 been stored up. The child loves to play ball, not 
 so much because he likes the play, but because he 
 enjoys the action required to play it. For this rea- 
 son a child will often prefer to take the longest road 
 home. Yet how often he is criticised by those of 
 us who are ignorant of the reasons for such actions. 
 
 The; Locomotive and the Chied. 
 
 When a mighty engine stops at the station we 
 hear the steam escaping with a deafening noise.
 
 THE NATURAL CHILD. 97 
 
 The energy is collecting faster than it is being used. 
 If no provision had been made for the escape of 
 the steam we would expect an explosion such as 
 would completely wreck the engine. Why, then, 
 should we be surprised that children, after being 
 confined in school or elsewhere, should be full of 
 activity and play? Need we wonder that the pent- 
 up energy is as likely to affect seriously the delicate 
 mechanism of the child? Is it not reasonable to 
 provide frequent opportunities that the surplus 
 energy may be expended harmlessly? 
 
 The Parents' Duty. 
 
 The one thing we can do with the energy stored 
 up in the engine is to direct it into proper channels, 
 that it may perform useful work. We should strive 
 to do this same thing with the energy of the child. 
 The child who is most active, as a child, will, other 
 things being equal, be most successful as a man. 
 The one use we can generally make of children's 
 desire for activity is to build up healthy bodies and 
 strong minds in the healthy bodies. Than this 
 nothing is more important. 
 
 A Suggestion to Parents and Teachers. 
 
 Parents and teachers should recognize the 
 physiological laws affecting children and should 
 make the periods of confinement very short. Chil- 
 dren should be allowed to pass from one thing to 
 another quite frequently. Except as a punishment,
 
 98 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 they should not be required to sit still any length 
 of time. It is harder for a child to sit still fifteen 
 minutes than for his parent to listen to a dry sermon 
 two hours' long. Let us be careful, then, that we 
 be considerate of children and direct their energy 
 rather than denounce and attempt to restrain it. 
 
 The Unnatural Child. 
 
 The child who has not all or most of the charac- 
 teristics mentioned as peculiar to the natural child 
 is certainly an unnatural child. Such a child may 
 not give much trouble to the parents, but he will 
 probably never be a source of great pleasure. He 
 is apt to develop into a freak for a dime museum. 
 Those parents who are striving to develop freaks 
 may well be satisfied that their children are un- 
 natural. Others should be thankful for the trouble 
 they have been caused by children who are very 
 natural. It may be hard for the tired parent to 
 bear with these many natural characteristics which 
 are apt to grate upon nerves, but if these statements 
 are true is there not good reason why we should 
 cease to be worried by those things which are in 
 accordance with the inflexible demands of nature?
 
 XV. 
 
 SYMPATHY BETWEEN PARENT AND 
 
 CHILD. 
 
 Importance oe Sympathy. 
 
 Though we sometimes speak of the great im- 
 portance and the wondrous power of sympathy, too 
 few realize how inconceivably potent is its function 
 in the formation of human character. Especially 
 powerful is its influence over the tender feelings of a 
 child. In his joys and sorrows every child wishes 
 some one to share. At every turn he needs, and 
 should have, the tenderest sympathy of the loving 
 parent. Too often he receives no sympathy where 
 he has a right to expect it. 
 
 The child who has injured himself is made no 
 better by being told, "It serves you right ; be more 
 careful next time." "I told you you would hurt 
 yourself." Such a statement will tend to stir up 
 all that is worst in any child, but especially in the 
 child of sensitive temperament. 
 
 The Power of Sympathy. 
 
 Parents must ever remember, and never forget, 
 then, that sympathy is the strongest bond of union 
 between human hearts. It is not possible for any
 
 ioo TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 heart to shut itself against it. When all else has 
 failed it will prove to be the most powerful factor 
 in reclaiming the lost. Indeed, it seems almost im- 
 possible to exaggerate the strength of the influence 
 which it exerts in forming character, and in regu- 
 lating the habits of all. If a child feels that you 
 sympathize with him he will imitate you, and you 
 can mold him almost at will. 
 
 As children grow older their habits become firmly 
 fixed, and determine character. That which is once 
 fixed in a child's mind through loving sympathy 
 will scarcely ever be removed, even by the most skil- 
 ful argument. Each one of us can trace most 
 changes in ourselves to the influence of someone 
 whom we loved, because of the sympathy which 
 was shown us. It may have been silent sympathy. 
 It may have been almost or entirely unconscious. 
 It was none the less powerful. 
 
 The child who loves the parent and feels that he 
 possesses the parent's sympathy needs but little 
 admonition or criticism. When he perceives what 
 the parent wishes, the bond of sympathy tends to 
 firmly establish the desired principles. Be assured 
 that in no way can any parent so surely gain such 
 power over a child for the purpose of shaping his 
 character as by manifesting warm sympathy with 
 the child. Next to a lack of loving kindness there 
 is no more potent cause of unhappiness to children 
 than a lack of sympathy in those from whom they 
 have a right to expect it.
 
 PARENT AND CHILD. 101 
 
 The Peculiar Action of Sympathy. 
 
 Almost every person has wondered at the peculiar 
 power and action of sympathy. One child starts to 
 cry, and nearly all the young children present will 
 do the same, as if they had been injured also. The 
 actress feigns great grief, and two-thirds of the 
 audience join with her in shedding tears. Or one 
 or two start to laugh, and in a short time laughter 
 will spread to the whole company, though none may 
 be able to tell why they are laughing. Someone 
 sneezes or yawns, and many others do the same. 
 A joke, which is scarcely understood by a single 
 hearer, will set a whole audience into sympathetic 
 laughter. 
 
 It would thus seem that there is some mysterious, 
 inexplicable power in sympathy. By this power 
 the mental or physical condition of one may be com- 
 municated to others, increasing in intensity as it 
 passes from one to another. Since this is so, need 
 we wonder that that sympathy, prompted by holiest 
 love, should have such an all-powerful effect upon 
 children, who are so delicately deeply sensitive to 
 every influence? 
 
 Sympathy Versus Love. 
 
 Some may assert that there is no difference be- 
 tween sympathy and love. If this is the case, then, 
 having considered the power of love and kindness, 
 we are not justified in spending even a few minutes 
 in the consideration of sympathy. But are they the
 
 102 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 same? Love may be upon one side alone, and may 
 be therefore unappreciated and without any power 
 of affecting the object loved. It is not so with sym- 
 pathy. Sympathy is two-fold. It starts as a re- 
 sponse to an express need. It is an answer to a 
 call for it, whether expressed in words or not. It 
 is therefore certain of grateful recognition, even 
 where love is neither felt nor welcome. 
 
 The Great Dearth of Sympathy. 
 
 As before stated, next to love there is nothing a 
 child needs so much as sympathy. It is much easier 
 for a parent to love a child than to give the child 
 the sympathy which it should have. Parental love 
 is natural. It may not be unnatural, but it is com- 
 paratively seldom that a parent is found who shows 
 great sympathy with his child in both work and 
 play. When such a parent is noticed it is consid- 
 ered worthy of remark, if not remarkable. This 
 may seem a strong statement, but it is believed that 
 it will bear the test of investigation. Let the reader 
 ask himself the questions : "How many playthings 
 have I taken home to my child? Of these, how 
 many have I taken time to enjoy with the child in 
 play? How many books have I purchased for 
 him? How many of them have I enjoyed with 
 him, or even made inquiry concerning? Of the 
 things lost how many have I simply replaced? 
 Concerning the lost how many have I really sym- 
 pathized with the dear child in his then great sor-
 
 PARENT AND CHILD. 103 
 
 row?" Truthful answers to such questions as the 
 above will give a parent some idea as to whether or 
 not he is showing that sympathy to which every 
 child is entitled. 
 
 How to Sympathize With a Child. 
 To sympathize with a child you must be able to 
 put yourself in the child's place, and feel as a child. 
 You must forget that you are not a child any longer. 
 By being a child again, if only for a few minutes, 
 you will not only make the child love and adore you, 
 but you will again renew your youth and be the 
 better and the stronger because of it. 
 
 When Sympathy Should Be Given. 
 
 Let it be acknowledged, then, that the most ef- 
 fective way of securing that confidence and love of 
 children which will make their management easy 
 is by sympathizing with them in their hopes, in their 
 fears, in their sorrows, in their plays, and in their 
 work. Certain it is that the parent who does not 
 sometimes descend into the world in which the child 
 lives, as a sharer of its fears and sorrows, and not 
 as a faultfinder, or even as a counselor, cannot have 
 the fullest power over the child. 
 
 Nine times out of ten — yes, ninety-nine times out 
 of one hundred — the child does not mean to do 
 wrong. The right kind of sympathy will have a 
 more powerful effect at this time than at any other; 
 for the heart is especially open to such influences 
 when bowed down by grief. Why should not the
 
 104 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 loving parent sympathize with the weakness which 
 has resulted in some folly? Then is the time a 
 child is most happy to turn for advice and comfort 
 to some one stronger than he. God forgive the 
 parent who could turn an unsympathetic ear to a 
 penitent child's cry ! 
 
 When a Child Is In the Wrong. 
 
 Many will say that a parent should feel no sym- 
 pathy for the child who has done wrong. They 
 feel that such sympathy is placing the parent in the 
 position of sympathizing with the sin which he 
 must condemn. Perhaps it is rather with the 
 temptation than with the sin that the parent has 
 sympathy. Be this as it may. It must be acknowl- 
 edged that without sympathy there is but little hope 
 for the reformation of the inmates of the prison 
 cells, who are susceptible to this influence when all 
 others have failed. Does the child not need the 
 same sympathy when he has done wrong? If we 
 acknowledge its influence upon the hardened tenant 
 of the prison cell, dare we doubt its influence upon 
 the child, so tender, so impressible, so susceptible 
 to every influence? 
 
 Foolish is the parent, and not often truthful, who 
 tells the child he does not understand how he can 
 be so bad. Hard-hearted he who can turn such a 
 child away without the sympathy to which he is 
 entitled. If he does this he need not be surprised 
 if, at the same time, he builds between himself and
 
 PARENT AND CHILD. 105 
 
 his child a barrier which will probably never be 
 removed. 
 
 Happy the parent whose child is so sure of sym- 
 pathy that he brings to him his greatest failings, his 
 most dreadful thoughts, which shock even himself. 
 His power over such a child will be unbounded. 
 Unless there is some unusual reason to the contrary 
 he need have no fear that his control over the child 
 will not last long after the child has left the parental 
 roof. 
 
 Sympathy Must Be Cultivated. 
 
 By some sympathy is considered as a natural feel- 
 ing; by others it is not so considered. Which is 
 right makes but little difference. Certain it is that 
 it can be cultivated by every parent. More than 
 that, it is the duty of every parent to cultivate not 
 only sympathy for the children, but to see to it 
 that the children sympathize with the parents, when 
 they are old enough to do so. Every parent should 
 see that this loving sympathy has a prominent place 
 in the treatment of every one of the many problems 
 which present themselves for solution in the man- 
 agement and training of every child. 
 
 Sympathy Must Be Sincere. 
 
 Children observe far more accurately and closely 
 than do most adults. In addition to this they seem 
 to have a natural instinct, which enables them to 
 distinguish between the honest and the sham. We
 
 106 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 may be able to mislead men and women, but we will 
 find it much harder to deceive a child. Many who 
 are not aware of this fact find, to their sorrow, that 
 the sympathy which they express is without effect, 
 because it is not sincere. If it is not genuine the 
 child will soon see through the disguise and despise 
 the pretender. 
 
 One; Effect of Sympathy. 
 
 One way in which sympathy with children will 
 show itself is that we will not be disposed to inter- 
 fere with their plans, but will help them to be happy 
 in their own way, when there is no good reason for 
 their not doing as they wish. While in the home, 
 and in school, they must of necessity be under the 
 direction of others, to a great extent ; in their play 
 and recreations they should be left to themselves. 
 If we join their play we should bring ourselves 
 clown to their plane, and not expect to bring them 
 up to our own. If parents could only remember 
 their own childhood, how much more they would 
 sympathize with their children, and how much hap- 
 pier would parents and children be.
 
 XVI. 
 
 IMPORTANCE OF INDIVIDUALITY. 
 
 Children Differ. 
 
 Every parent who has more than one child should 
 not fail to understand that no two children are 
 identical. In physical, mental and moral character- 
 istics they differ widely. The same treatment will 
 not answer for any two. The principles of manage- 
 ment may be the same, but the application of the 
 principles must be modified by the individual pe- 
 culiarities of the child. 
 
 Injurious Effect of Uniform Treatment. 
 
 Since children do differ so widely, why should 
 parents strive to treat all alike? Such treatment 
 will crush the individuality out of any child. This 
 individuality parents should strive to make the basis 
 of the child's education and training. Too often 
 it is considered as something which the parent 
 should strive to overcome entirely. 
 
 Importance of Individuality. 
 
 The great effort which is made in school and at 
 home seems to be to make children more uniform.
 
 io8 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 Yet, who will give any good reason why a person 
 should labor to produce uniformity of taste, of char- 
 acter, of ability or of aspirations? Is not individu- 
 ality of far more importance than uniformity? Is 
 it not the divinity of the child? Should it not be 
 sought for and discovered, that it may be carefully 
 studied, and, when along right lines, judiciously 
 cultivated? Does not biography teach us that only 
 those have become distinguished who have de- 
 veloped a love for work along particular lines? Is 
 it not time that parents, limited in power and by 
 conditions, cease striving to overcome the many dif- 
 ferences predetermined by the Almighty? 
 
 Differences in Children. 
 
 Let no parent forget, then, that in the beginning 
 every child differs from every other child in many 
 ways. If it could continue to be alone it would al- 
 ways be different from almost every other child. 
 But the child comes in contact with others and is 
 thus continually trained to be more like others. 
 
 The Parents' Duty. 
 
 Every parent should carefully study each child 
 and endeavor to find wherein the child is peculiar. 
 He should aim not only to find out the child's good 
 points, but his faults as well ; for this is equally 
 important. The parent who can discover these pe- 
 culiarities can hope for success in correcting those 
 which should be corrected. The physician who is
 
 INDIVIDUALITY. 109 
 
 not able to diagnose a disease will be just as power- 
 less to cure the patient as the parent will be power- 
 less to correct faults in a child, if he does not see 
 ciearly what the faults are. 
 
 How Peculiarities May Be Discovered. 
 
 Since it is so important that parents fully under- 
 stand each child's peculiar faults it may be well to 
 consider how these faults can best be discovered. 
 Some faults may be discovered by careful study and 
 observation. Others will best be learned by giv- 
 ing heed to the kindly criticisms of friends. At 
 other times the unkind criticisms of friends or 
 enemies may lay bare some of the worst faults of 
 children. While neighbors are not always impar- 
 tial critics, they are very often more reliable, as 
 such, than parents. This is because parents are 
 very apt to be strongly prejudiced in favor of their 
 own children. This is right. It is most natural. 
 If they did not defend their own children, who 
 would do so? However, it is well to have the opin- 
 ion of others. 
 
 Why Parents Are Blind to Some Faults. 
 
 One reason for desiring the assistance of others 
 in discovering a child's faults is found in the fact 
 that parents are so prone to overlook many of their 
 own faults which are constantly reappearing in 
 their children. They have learned to excuse them-
 
 no TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 selves. They cannot, without being inconsistent, 
 fail to excuse their children. Then, again, very 
 many honest parents fail utterly to see that certain 
 acts of their own are, in reality, deserving of criti- 
 cism.
 
 XVII. 
 
 TEMPERAMENTS. 
 Importance oe Knowledge to Parents. 
 
 The study of temperament involves the consid- 
 eration of all characteristics of the body which 
 show any mental peculiarity. For two thousand 
 years it has been recognized to be a subject of great 
 importance. For many years it has been known 
 that a study of temperaments was one of the best 
 ways of learning to know people as they really are. 
 Only lately has the importance of a knowledge of 
 temperaments been considered essential for the 
 teacher. Seldom, if ever, has been emphasized the 
 importance of parents studying this subject, that 
 they may train more satsfactorily their own children. 
 
 Every person knows, in a vague sort of way, that 
 many whom they meet have their characters stamped 
 indelibly upon their faces. So clearly do their char- 
 asteristics stand out that we feel almost able to 
 read their thoughts. How few have ever consid- 
 ered the importance of determining, roughly at 
 least, the temperament which predominates in each 
 child ! Yet, to a large extent, parents might thus 
 determine, not only the best treatment for the train- 
 ing of any child, but they could frequently deter- 
 mine for what profession each one is best suited.
 
 112 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 While few, if any, have emphasized this fact, still 
 fewer will dare deny the truth of the statement. 
 
 Faults of Training Due to Lack of Knowledge. 
 
 A very large proportion of ruined children are 
 the victims of training, such as the parents would 
 never have subjected them to had they appreciated 
 the peculiarities of certain temperaments. So often, 
 at home and in school, a child who inherits a very 
 nervous temperament suffers far more than teacher 
 or parent ever imagines. 
 
 Just as often the one of phlegmatic tempera- 
 ment suffers far less than is supposed, and gets 
 much undeserved credit for virtue and patience 
 which are entirely unintentional. 
 
 How greatly the children in any family differ ; 
 yet how seldom does the treatment differ as widely ! 
 Few would think it proper to give a mettlesome 
 racer and the heavy draught horse the same treat- 
 ment ; yet they do not hesitate to treat alike children 
 who differ far more widely. 
 
 Square Pegs in Round Holes. 
 
 Because of differences in temperament the train- 
 ing given many children is so injurious that it de- 
 stroys all their brightest prospects for the future. 
 Their whole lives may thus be blighted. A knowl- 
 edge of temperament may insure great success in 
 life for many. There are many would-be lawyers 
 who might have become great physicians. There
 
 TEMPERAMENTS. 113 
 
 are not a few very poor physicians who could have 
 attained great success as lawyers, architects or 
 clergymen. There are butchers, bakers, store- 
 keepers, and many others in the humbler walks in 
 life, who would have won great success had they 
 chosen certain professions. All must acknowledge 
 that this is so. Is it not important that parents 
 should realize this fact and make a careful study 
 of this subject, in order that they may the better 
 train their precious children? 
 
 Psychology Versus Temperament. 
 
 At this time many are advocating the importance 
 of parents making a careful study of psychology. 
 They do this in the belief that it will help parents 
 greatly in the training of their children. It is 
 doubtful if such a study would be of much value to 
 most parents. Years of experience leads the writer 
 to believe that a few days' study of temperaments 
 has been of more practical value to him, in the man- 
 agement of children, than many weeks and months 
 spent in an earnest study of psychology. This may 
 seem a very bold statement at this time, but it is 
 believed that, ere long, it will be accepted without 
 question. 
 
 How to Study Temperaments. 
 
 Those who wish to make a careful study of tem- 
 peraments should secure some small text-book upon 
 the subject. However, for busy people a few sug-
 
 ii 4 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 gestions may not be out of place at this point. The 
 things to be especially noted in the study of tem- 
 peraments are the face, the hair, the complexion, 
 the nose, the neck, the build, the eyes, and the 
 marked mental and physical characteristics. It may 
 be well for parents to first determine their own tem- 
 peraments. They will then be the better able to 
 study their children. They may also see how hon- 
 estly their children get many of their peculiarities. 
 After having determined their own temperaments, 
 parents should try to determine what characteristics 
 of any temperament are most marked in each child. 
 Having certainly determined this, a few suggestions 
 may be of untold value to the present and future 
 welfare of the child. 
 
 Characteristics and Management oe the 
 Nervous Temperament. 
 
 Hair, light brown ; eyes, generally gray ; com- 
 plexion, clear ; face usually tapers toward narrow 
 chin ; nose, rather narrow ; neck, longer than usual ; 
 build, rather light ; often quite tall and very thin. 
 
 A child of nervous temperament is apt to be im- 
 pulsive and excitable, quickly provoked and just as 
 quickly reconciled, persistent in work, very apt to 
 study harder in school than is best, apt to be cheer- 
 ful, likely to speak quite rapidly, in many cases un- 
 decided about action. 
 
 What terrible mistakes parents are daily making 
 in the treatment of the child of nervous tempera-
 
 TEMPERAMENTS. 115 
 
 ment! The nervous child acts on the minute from 
 impulse. If such a child is angry or stubborn, don't 
 be too hasty. Give the child a little time. Speak 
 gently and quietly. The result will be the child will 
 change for the better in a moment. The government 
 of such a child must contain much of love, though it 
 may be full of quiet determination. Parents should 
 beware lest, by harsh treatment, they rouse all the 
 worst passions of the child's soul. It is just as easy 
 to give such a child the direction needed in a way 
 which will enlist all its best sympathies. It is the 
 nervous child who is found breaking down mentally 
 and physically because of over-study. Such a child 
 is apt to gain in mind at the expense of his health. 
 
 Characteristics and Management oe the 
 Lymphatic Temperament. 
 
 Light hair and eyes ; complexion, without much 
 color ; face, square ; nose, rather flat ; neck, short ; 
 build, rather heavy. A child of the lymphatic tem- 
 perament is not apt to be impulsive or excitable, is 
 not easily provoked, finds it hard to forgive, plods 
 along persistently, rather slow of motion and of 
 speech, cares little for muscular exercise. 
 
 The child of a lymphatic temperament needs a 
 little more vigorous treatment than the nervous 
 child. While parents should at all times be kind, 
 they may be more energetic and forceful with a 
 child of this temperament. Such a child will not 
 need so much direction as the nervous child. How-
 
 n6 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 ever, he will stand, without great injury, far more 
 harshness. A child of this disposition is often be- 
 lieved to be stubborn, whereas, in truth, the child 
 is naturally slow to comprehend and act. 
 
 Characteristics and Management of the 
 Biuous Temperament. 
 
 Hair, quite dark or black ; eyes, quite dark ; com- 
 plexion, dark ; face, rather square ; nose, somewhat 
 outspread; neck, short; build, quite heavy. 
 
 A child of a bilious temperament is not apt to 
 be impulsive or serious. Is likely to be rather pas- 
 sionate, revengeful, jealous and, in many cases, un- 
 scrupulous. In work and play, earnest, persistent, 
 careful and decided. 
 
 Next to the nervous child the child of bilious 
 temperament is most apt to be greatly injured by 
 improper methods of management. The child of a 
 sanguine or of the lymphatic temperament will stand 
 a great deal of improper treatment without being 
 greatly injured. Not so with those of the other 
 temperament. How many children of this tempera- 
 ment have been driven from school, or from home, 
 to the jail or the gallows, because of improper treat- 
 ment ! The child of this temperament will not soon 
 forget its anger. There will remain the pouting 
 and mean disposition to get even. He is almost as 
 hard to deal with as a balky horse. Nothing but 
 great kindness will enable a parent to properly man- 
 age the child of this temperament. Beware of too
 
 TEMPERAMENTS. 117 
 
 much harshness here, especially with the older child. 
 
 Characteristics and Management op the 
 Sanguine Temperament. 
 
 Hair, reddish ; eyes, quite light, generally blue ; 
 complexion, quite florid ; face, nose and neck same 
 as bilious temperament. 
 
 A child of the sanguine temperament, like the 
 child with the nervous temperament, is likely to be 
 impulsive, excitable, quickly provoked and easily 
 reconciled. He is apt to be quite cheerful and look 
 on the bright side of things. Less imaginative than 
 the child of nervous temperament, but more emo- 
 tional. A child of this temperament is likely to be 
 happy in the pursuit of any object, little or great. 
 
 The sanguine child is really quite hard to manage 
 at times. Tears flow quite easily. Angry looks 
 and improper words are likely to be frequent. This 
 child must have a firm government. There need 
 be very little said if it is spoken in kindness, but 
 what is said must be said with firmness. 
 
 Mixed Temperaments. 
 
 While it is very easy to find children who show 
 most of the characteristics of some one tempera- 
 ment, it is very difficult to find a child who shows all 
 the characteristics of any temperament. Nearly all 
 have what may be called mixed temperaments, 
 which show some of the characteristics of two or
 
 n8 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 more temperaments. However, one of the four 
 mentioned will probably predominate. 
 
 The Best Temperament. 
 
 While some may prefer one temperament, and 
 others another, it would seem that that individual 
 is most fortunate who is blessed with a balanced 
 temperament. In the balanced temperament the 
 four temperaments blend, so that the objectionable 
 tendencies in each are tempered in such a way as 
 to give the most satisfactory results.
 
 XVIII. 
 
 RESPONSIBILITY OF THE FATHER. 
 
 Mutual Consideration. 
 
 Each parent should be considerate of the other, 
 but the father is the husband or houseband. He is 
 the head of the family. This is the teaching of the 
 Bible, which is accepted by all men and by most 
 women. It may be argued that in some families, 
 because of peculiar temperament, the mother is bet- 
 ter fitted to be at the head than the father. The 
 fact remains, however, she is the queen of the house, 
 not the king. 
 
 The Father's Duty. 
 
 Too many fathers consider that, since it is their 
 duty to provide for the family, they have no duties 
 in connection with the training of children. A mo- 
 ment's consideration will convince every thoughtful 
 father that this is not the case, and that, no matter 
 what success he may gain in his business or profes- 
 sion, he is a complete failure if he has not proven 
 himself a true husband and an interested and de- 
 voted father. 
 
 At every point it is the father's duty to stand 
 ready to co-operate with the mother in her attempts
 
 120 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 t 
 
 to train the children. This duty becomes even more 
 imperative as the child grows older and approaches 
 the time of going out into the world. 
 
 If the father does not take interest in the training 
 of children it will be exceedingly hard for the 
 mother, and they will not generally be trained as 
 they should be; for there are many things which 
 can be learned only from the father. While the 
 home is the mother's world, the father is the con- 
 necting link between the world and the home. Each 
 has a part to perform, the performance of which is 
 necessary for the best results. When they do not 
 do so, the training will be as discordant as the song 
 of two singers whose voices are not in harmony. 
 
 One great trouble is that many men, and not a 
 few women, who are considerate of others all day, 
 have little consideration for those in their own 
 homes. They have a pleasant word and smile for 
 everyone until they reach home, which should be 
 the most joyous place on earth — a place for which 
 each has reserved the most pleasant word and hap- 
 piest smile. 
 
 Every father should feel the absolute necessity of 
 having the mother understand that he is ready, will- 
 ing and anxious to give all possible assistance in 
 the training of children. Other things being equal, 
 his help should be in proportion to the amount of 
 time he spends home. Some fathers are home so 
 little that children hardly know whom to call 
 "father," and are led to ask, as did one little fellow,
 
 RESPONSIBILITY OF FATHER. 121 
 
 "Mamma, who is that man that whips us almost 
 every Saturday?" 
 
 Conflicting Authority. 
 
 Mothers and fathers should recognize the abso- 
 lute necessity of co-operation in the training of chil- 
 dren. Vital as it is elsewhere, it is even more im- 
 portant here. There must be no conflict of author- 
 ity, for it is one of the most potent causes of failure 
 in the management of children. It has caused the 
 ruin of more children than almost any other mistake. 
 When either corrects a child, how often the other 
 takes his part! Unless there is marked- injustice or 
 brutality, this is not justifiable. It is the surest way 
 of making a child rebellious against the authority 
 of both. The sensible way would be to wait until 
 the parents are alone and then discuss the matter 
 in a reasonable manner. 
 
 A Mother's Trials. 
 
 Some fathers object to having anything to do 
 with the management of children. They say they 
 have many trials during the day which a mother 
 cannot fully appreciate. Let this be granted. Is 
 her sympathy not ever ready? 
 
 On the other hand, it must also be remembered 
 that the mother has many cares which the father 
 cannot appreciate. If he would take her place for 
 one week he would know more about it, and, after- 
 ward, would have plenty of sympathy. She works
 
 122 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 at home, away from associates who might make 
 things seem to move easier. How often, with aching 
 head, the many difficulties must be met and con- 
 quered. How many times have her quivering 
 nerves been shattered and her strength taxed to the 
 uttermost by the trying cares of home, when every- 
 thing seemed to go wrong! 
 
 The young child may have been sick and trouble- 
 some. The older ones may have almost broken her 
 heart by some real or imagined terrible act. There 
 may be no servant, or, what is just as bad, she may 
 have left or be about to leave. A hundred other 
 troubles crowd fast upon one another. 
 
 A Time for Appreciation. 
 
 Should she not feel free to call for any assistance 
 needed from the father? Such is the time for show- 
 ing the flowers of appreciation. On the part of too 
 many there is a tendency to keep all sympathy and 
 praise until it is too late. How many patient 
 mothers would be surprised if they could see the 
 flowers heaped upon their coffins and hear the words 
 of praise from lips which, for years, had spoken 
 scarcely a word of appreciation or sympathy! 
 
 Truly, it is time that fathers awaken to the fact 
 that they have much to do with the training of the 
 children. Surely they owe to their homes the best 
 influences of their lives. It should not be a board- 
 ing-house, where the father sleeps and eats and pays 
 the bills. It should be the centre of his life.
 
 XIX. 
 
 THE MOTHER'S INFLUENCE. 
 
 The Almighty's Representative. 
 
 If only the mothers, these patient, long-suffering 
 representatives of the Almighty, could but faintly 
 appreciate the grandeur of their office and their un- 
 boundless power and influence over the present and 
 future lives of their children ! It can scarcely be 
 over-estimated. Almost daily the writer has to 
 appeal to the most troublesome boys and girls that 
 are found among thousands. Many are just one 
 step from the reform school or jail. A considera- 
 tion of such places has little or no effect upon them. 
 Harshness and threats make no impression. The 
 most brutal punishments by parents have had no 
 effect. The last parent spoken to said, "I do not 
 want to commit murder ; I have done everything 
 else — have even chained him to his bed in his 
 room, yet he is no better." An appeal to the 
 love for his mother saved that boy. Such an ap- 
 peal will generally reach the most stubborn cases. 
 Even where it fails, it comes nearest to breaking the 
 chain of habits which have bound them. The writer 
 does not remember a single case where this appeal 
 did not have great influence. With such thoughts 
 and experiences as these he approaches the subject
 
 124 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 of the mother's influence in the training of children. 
 Would that he could say something which would 
 help them to appreciate their power over their chil- 
 dren, even long years after all other early influences 
 have been forgotten ! 
 
 Most Training Left to the Mother. 
 
 Of necessity, the father must be away from home 
 most of the time. When he returns, wearied by the 
 endless cares and work of the day, he is often not 
 fitted to consider carefully and patiently the cases 
 of management which the mother would gladly 
 place in his hands. So far as possible, these mat- 
 ters will be attended to by the thoughtful mother. 
 Only when absolutely necessary is she apt to call 
 upon the father for assistance. For this, and for 
 other reasons, the management of the younger chil- 
 dren, at least, will be almost entirely in the hands 
 of the mother. 
 
 The First Years oe Vital Importance. 
 
 The character of the child will very largely be 
 determined by the time the child reaches the age 
 of ten. None but the very strongest influence will 
 affect him after that age. Before that time, the 
 character may generally be molded at will. For 
 the first five or six years children are almost entirely 
 under the influence of the mother. After that time 
 her influence will still be strongest. Next to her 
 influence, that of the teacher, father and compan- 
 ions will be most powerful.
 
 THE MOTHER'S INFLUENCE. 125 
 
 Beautiful Tributes to Mothers. 
 
 In the hope of encouraging some weary mothers, 
 who are ofttimes discouraged by the daily trials 
 with wayward children, attention is called to a few 
 of the many beautiful tributes to the memory and 
 power of a mother's noble, self-sacrificing love. To 
 these sentiments all loving hearts must assent: 
 "Blessed is the memory of an old-fashioned mother. 
 It floats to us now like the perfume of some wood- 
 land blossoms. The music of other voices may be 
 lost, but the entrancing memory of hers will echo 
 in our hearts forever. Other faces will be forgot- 
 ten, but hers will shine on until the light from 
 Heaven's portals shall glorify our own." 
 
 Another one has well said: "Who can fathom 
 the depth of a mother's love? No friendship so 
 pure, so devoted. The wild storm of adversity and 
 the bright sunshine of prosperity are all alike to 
 her ; however unworthy we may be of that affection, 
 a mother never ceases to love her erring child. Of- 
 ten when alone, as we gaze up to the starry heaven, 
 can we in imagination catch a glimpse of the angels 
 around the 'great white throne' ; and among the 
 brightest and fairest of them all is our sweet mother, 
 ever beckoning us onward and upward to her celes- 
 tial home." 
 
 Is it not true, as has been said, "Better than all 
 the gaud of wealth, better than all the fastidious 
 tastes and refinements of luxury, better than highest 
 aesthetic culture or intellectual superiority, is the
 
 126 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 presence in the home of one of these queens of the 
 hearth, whose realm is bounded by the affections 
 and well-being of her household ? Such mothers 
 and such homes will send out sons such as the world 
 needs and men delight to honor; and daughters 
 whose loveliest adornments are the virtues and 
 graces which they possess." 
 
 Tributes of Washington, Lincoln and Others. 
 
 Almost all great men have been noted for their 
 devotion to their mothers. All have recognized 
 their mother's unlimited influence. Who can read 
 the history of Washington or McKinley without 
 being struck with the great appreciation and the 
 loving tenderness they manifested toward their 
 mothers? How many will join with Lincoln in 
 saying, "All I am, or can be, I owe to my angel 
 mother." How sweetly Lord Macaulay speaks of 
 his parents ; of the pleasure he had nestling close to 
 his mother's bosom ; of her good-night kisses and 
 loving glances. Until the day of her death his love 
 never lessened. He said, "Years have passed away 
 since we laid her beside my father in the old church- 
 yard ; yet still her voice whispers from the grave 
 and her eye watches over me as I visit the spots long 
 since hallowed to the memory of my mother." 
 
 The Fathomless Depth of a Mother's Love. 
 
 The wondrous power of a mother's love was well 
 shown by her whose daughter had wandered from
 
 THE MOTHER'S INFLUENCE. 127 
 
 home and had been lost in the whirl of sin of New 
 York. Having had her own portrait painted, the 
 mother placed it in a mission house where the fallen 
 creatures sometimes came for a crust of bread or 
 a kind word. The poor fallen daughter saw the 
 picture. Upon the floor she sank, crying "Mother ! 
 my mother!" That mother's love so melted her 
 poor heart that she was saved, and returned to her 
 home a ransomed child. 
 
 The Measure of a Mother's Love. 
 
 In words that can never be forgotten Miss Tay- 
 lor speaks thus of a mother's love: 
 
 Hast thou sounded the depths of yonder sea, 
 And counted the sands that under it be? 
 Hast thou measured the height of heaven above ? 
 Then mayst thou measure a mother's love. 
 Evening and morn, hast thou watched the bee 
 Go forth on her errands of industry? 
 The bee, for herself, hath gathered and toiled, 
 But the mother's cares are all for her child. 
 
 There is not a grand, inspiring thought, 
 There is not a truth by wisdom taught, 
 There is not a feeling, pure and high, 
 That may not be read in mother's eye. 
 There are teachings on earth, in sky and air, 
 The heavens the glory of God declare, 
 But more loud than the voice beneath, above, 
 He is heard to speak through a mother's love.
 
 128 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 The Great Love oe Parents. 
 
 Parents are apt to forget how great is the price 
 they place upon their precious children. In the 
 press of many cares it is natural they should do so. 
 However, if they would but stop and consider how 
 hard it would be to part with any one of even a 
 large family of children, they would be more likely 
 to appreciate how highly they prize each child, and 
 more willing to devote time and thought to their 
 training. 
 
 Which Shaee It Be? 
 
 Who has not read with emotion Mrs. Beers' ac- 
 count of the attempt made by needy parents who 
 were striving to decide which child should be given 
 in exchange for comforts for all those remaining. 
 This is the letter: "I will give a house and land 
 while you shall live, if, in return, from out your 
 seven, one child to me for aye is given." Hand in 
 hand the gray-haired, poorly-clad parents walk from 
 bed to bed for the purpose of deciding which one 
 shall be given. How hastily they pass the helpless 
 babe. "Not her," said the father, as he gazed at the 
 crib which held little Lillie and her doll. "Nor 
 Jamie ; he's but a baby, too," the mother said. Then 
 gazing upon pale, patient Robbie's angel face, the 
 father whispered, "No, not for a thousand crowns, 
 not him." Next came "Poor Dick," bad Dick, way- 
 ward son. "No, only a mother's heart can be pa- 
 tient enough for such like he." They passed by
 
 THE MOTHER'S INFLUENCE. 129 
 
 sweet Mary and the trusty, truthful oldest boy who 
 so resembled his father, and 
 
 - "So they wrote, in courteous way, 
 
 They would not give one child away. 
 And afterward toil lighter seemed 
 
 Thinking of that of which they dreamed. 
 Happy in truth, that not one face 
 
 Was missed from its accustomed place." 
 
 Truly, most parents do love their children as 
 did these parents. Yet how few love them so wisely 
 as to be willing to give the attention necessary to 
 train them properly. 
 
 The Hallowed Memory oe Mother. 
 
 Every mother must read, with increased deter- 
 mination to strive to properly train her children, 
 such lines as those written by Miss E. A. Allen. 
 They but echo the sentiments which millions of 
 children hold and will hold in years that are to 
 come, long after the mother's spirit has been wafted 
 to the other shore. 
 
 Backward, turn backward, O Time, in your flight, 
 Make me a child again, just for to-night; 
 Mother, come back from the echoless shore, 
 Take me again to your heart as of yore; 
 Kiss from my forehead the furrows of care, 
 Smooth the few silver threads of my hair; 
 Over my slumbers your loving watch keep ; 
 Rock me to sleep, mother, — rock me to sleep!
 
 130 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 Tired of the hollow, the base, the untrue, 
 Mother, O mother, my heart calls for you ; 
 Many a summer the grass has grown green, 
 Blossomed and faded, our faces between ; 
 Yet with strong yearning and passionate pain, 
 Long I to-night for your presence again. 
 Come from the silence so long and so deep, — 
 Rock me to sleep, mother, — rock me to sleep ! 
 
 Over my heart in the days that are flown, 
 No love like mother-love ever has shown, 
 No other worship abides and endures, 
 Faithful, unselfish, and patient like yours ; 
 None like a mother can charm away pain 
 From the sick-souled, and world-weary brain. 
 Slumber's soft calms o'er my heavy lids creep, — 
 Rock me to sleep, mother, — rock me to sleep! 
 
 Mother, dear mother, the years have been long 
 Since I last listened to your lullaby song; 
 Sing, then, and unto my soul it shall seem 
 Womanhood's eyes have been only a dream ; 
 Clasped to your heart in a loving embrace, 
 With your light lashes just sweeping my face, 
 Never hereafter to wake or to weep, — 
 Rock me to sleep, mother, — rock me to sleep! 
 
 Home and Country Dependent Upon Mothers. 
 
 Noble mothers, grow not weary and faint ! Upon 
 you depend not only the happiness of the home, but
 
 THE MOTHER'S INFLUENCE. 131 
 
 even the future of our country. Upon you will for- 
 ever rest, not only the blessings of your children, 
 but the highest benediction of Almighty God, whose 
 representatives you are on earth.
 
 XX. 
 
 THE HOME INFLUENCE. 
 
 The Great Need oe America. 
 
 The greatest need of any country, and especially 
 of our own, is better men and better women. The 
 greatness of future generations depends upon the 
 character of the boys and the girls of the present. 
 It is the duty of the home to properly train children. 
 This is important, not only for the sake of the chil- 
 dren and the home, but for the sake of the church 
 and the government, as well. Without proper train- 
 ing at home it is almost impossible for the children 
 to be what the parents would wish them. 
 
 The Right Spirit eor the Home. 
 
 Too few realize the all-powerful influence which 
 the home spirit exerts upon children. All have 
 noted how different is the spirit in some homes from 
 that discovered in others. It is hard for a child to 
 develop properly in some homes as for a plant to 
 mature in a dark cellar, where the bright sun sel- 
 dom, if ever, penetrates. We do not wonder that 
 such a plant is white and unhealthy looking. Need 
 we wonder, then, why so many children fail to de- 
 velop as they should where the home influences are
 
 THE HOME INFLUENCE. 133 
 
 even less propitious than for the development of the 
 plant ? 
 
 The highest object of the home is not to furnish 
 with the most expensive furniture. It is not to 
 have a place where friends may be entertained in 
 such a way as to satisfy our selfish vanity. Its 
 highest object should be to furnish a place in which 
 children may be trained in the development of noble 
 characters. Parents who can organize such a home 
 are most successful and worthy of the highest praise. 
 
 One Home. 
 
 Pay a short visit to one home and note the spirit. 
 An air of loving sympathy permeates every nook 
 and corner. The parents seem to be living only for 
 their precious children. The children, by every 
 act, show regard and love for their parents. By 
 their conversation the children show that they are 
 looking forward to the time when they can live for 
 their dear parents. How the children vie with one 
 another in the performance of some loving service 
 for the tired parent. How quietly and yet how 
 effectively, by a look, he shows full appreciation of 
 the tender care and love. Reproof comes, at times, 
 in tones which are firm but kind. Punishment, also, 
 is felt, when thoughtlessness merits such treatment; 
 but it comes in such a way that the child cannot but 
 feel that it really does pain the one inflicting the 
 punishment. In such a home everything seems to 
 have a tendency to encourage right living and
 
 134 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 proper training. The sunlight of love so warms the 
 atmosphere that everything which is best in the ten- 
 der child develops most rapidly. 
 
 Another Home. 
 
 Enter another home, such as one can easily re- 
 member having noted. What an absence of sym- 
 pathy in the very air of the home. A chill sinks 
 into your very soul, as you note the lack of loving 
 care which parents and children have for one an- 
 other. At times the blighting heat of terrible pas- 
 sion withers the tender buds, which have grown 
 sickly from a life in such atmosphere. Time and 
 again their tender young hearts are blasted by the 
 cold, unfeeling criticisms, which, like the untimely 
 frost, blights and blackens all that it breathes upon. 
 
 Citizens, Slaves or Anarchists. 
 
 In our homes children are being trained to be 
 liberty-loving and law-abiding citizens, mere slaves 
 to those able to dictate, or anarchists of the worst 
 type. These may seem strong statements, but are 
 they not in accordance with the facts? The child 
 who is trained properly will quickly learn to respect 
 and obey all rightful authority. The child who does 
 not dare express an opinion for fear of bringing 
 upon him the wrath of the parent or teacher will 
 develop such a man-fearing spirit as will prevent 
 him from asserting himself, no matter how sure he 
 may feel he is right. Such will always be ready
 
 THE HOME INFLUENCE. 135 
 
 to take any position in politics or business which 
 will require nothing but blind obedience to direc- 
 tions. They will never become leaders. All 
 through life they will be but beasts of burden to 
 carry the heavy loads of others. 
 
 Those who receive such treatment as is given by 
 parents who play the tyrant are apt to resent it, and 
 after fretting under it break away from all restraint. 
 Leaving home they drift into debasing companion- 
 ships and rebel against all authority and government 
 of any kind. Is not such the lesson of individuals 
 and nations? Can we not find examples this side 
 of Russia to prove the truth of the statement? 
 
 The Atmosphere oe the Home. 
 
 To all of us the atmosphere is life or death. Until 
 it was suitable man could not live upon the earth. 
 Should anything suddenly poison it, we would all 
 be blotted out in a moment. In the twinkling of an 
 eye the end would come, even as the inhabitants of 
 St. Pierre perished in a few minutes, because of the 
 sulphurous fumes which poured forth from Mont 
 Pelee, poisoning the atmosphere. The atmosphere 
 of the home is equally important. It should be such 
 as is suited to the life and the growth of the child's 
 best nature. Than this, nothing is more important. 
 Without it there can be but little success in the 
 proper training of children. Whether good or bad, 
 the parents must take the responsibility. If it 
 breeds disease they must acknowledge that it might
 
 136 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 just as easily have been made most healthful. It 
 is for them to see that the home atmosphere is not 
 poisoned by unkind words, harsh criticism, unsym- 
 pathetic remarks, and hasty acts, the result of out- 
 bursts of temper.
 
 XXI. 
 
 CRYING AND TEASING. 
 
 Why a Child Cries. 
 
 The first act of a new-born babe is that of cry- 
 ing. If it does not cry it is generally plunged into 
 cold water, or in some other way made uncomfort- 
 able, that it may be made to cry. Those who have 
 studied the physiology of the baby most closely as- 
 sert that there are very good reasons for this method 
 of treatment. If a young child cries it is because 
 it is not comfortable. It is for this sin that he is 
 so often shaken, smacked or rocked until he is sick. 
 If he were old enough he might be glad to please 
 everybody, and keep quiet, and be good. We should 
 not forget that no young child cries unless it has 
 very good reason for so doing. 
 
 Is Crying Necessary? 
 
 The actions of many parents tend to convince the 
 thoughtful observer that many parents think there 
 is no sense in a child's crying at any time, unless 
 as a result of very considerable injury. Are they 
 not wrong? Can everyone not remember certain 
 occasions in their own experience when a good cry 
 has greatly relieved him? For some reason does
 
 138 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 it not seem to clear the oppressive moral atmosphere, 
 just as a thunder-storm purifies the air? If for this 
 purpose it is at all necessary for the adult, it is cer- 
 tainly many times more important for the young 
 child, who is so emotional, so susceptible to every 
 change. 
 
 If the young child cries, it is likely that, as before 
 stated, he is too hot or too cold, or hungry, or un- 
 comfortable in some other way. Why should any- 
 one object to the expression of his discomfort and 
 displeasure? Is there any other way he could call 
 for assistance? In place of being troubled to know 
 how to quiet a child, would it not be more sensible 
 to find the cause of discomfort? 
 
 Older Children. 
 
 To a certain extent, what has been said of the 
 young child applies to the older child. It should 
 also be remembered that children of certain tempera- 
 ments cry much more easily than do those of other 
 temperaments. In some the tears seem to lie very 
 near the surface. Many are so emotional, or so 
 nervous, that, without great effort, they are unable 
 to control their feelings or repress their fear. Such 
 should be dealt with gently. Generally they come 
 by it so honestly that the same peculiarity can be 
 remembered as having appeared in one of the par- 
 ents. By kindness they may be trained to have 
 much more control over their emotions. However, 
 it is hard to entirely overcome this natural tendency, 
 as these children so frequently feel intensely.
 
 CRYING AND TEASING. 139 
 
 Children Who Cry For a Purpose. 
 
 Some children, both young and older, cry simply 
 for the purpose of carrying their point. Such re- 
 quire entirely different treatment from that already 
 mentioned. If a child cries without sufficient pro- 
 vocation it is likely the fault of the improper train- 
 ing he has received. It is entirely unnatural for a 
 child to yell and squeal as some children do. In 
 some cases they have not been treated as they should 
 have been, or they would probably respond in milder 
 tones. The child who cries persistently and loudly, 
 though not suffering pain, does so because his past 
 experience leads him to believe that he will be suc- 
 cessful in securing what he wishes. If such a child 
 should pass under the control of one to whom such 
 methods do not appeal, he would cure himself of his 
 fault very quickly. 
 
 How to Stop Crying. 
 
 The parent who wishes to stop a child's crying 
 should first make sure that the child is not suffering 
 some mental or physical pain. In too many cases 
 the mental suffering of a child is far greater than 
 parents think. Having removed the cause of the 
 pain, crying should cease. If, after having used 
 all gentle means which can be commended the cry- 
 ing does not cease, it may be necessary to convince 
 the child who cries for nothing that it is really un- 
 pleasant to have something to cry for. Nothing 
 but corporal punishment will appeal to some chil-
 
 140 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 dren at such a time. When the child finds that 
 some punishment is certain every time he cries with- 
 out having some good reason for crying, a wonder- 
 ful transformation will be worked in nine out of 
 ten such children. 
 
 The child who persists in crying for something 
 very much desired may be cured very easily of such 
 a habit. If the child is made to understand that the 
 parent cannot and will not give anything for which 
 it cries, it will be found that the child will cease 
 crying for what it wishes and ask for it as it should. 
 
 Why Children Tease Parents. 
 
 Most children tease, more or less. Yet there are 
 some children who do not tease. Why is it that 
 some tease their parents, while others do not? Ob- 
 serve closely and you will notice that when the par- 
 ent, asked for some favor, hesitates momentarily, 
 and seems in doubt as to what to do, the child is 
 apt to repeat the request. If past experience has 
 shown that frequent requests will generally cause a 
 more favorable answer, the repeated request will be 
 sure to come. Such a parent may expect to be 
 teased for anything a child wants. 
 
 How to Stop Teasing. 
 
 The parent who, in a kind, but firm, tone, 
 promptly either grants or refuses the request, is 
 not likely to be teased. If, upon refusal, the re- 
 quest is repeated, and such a parent denies with no
 
 CRYING AND TEASING. 141 
 
 less kindness, but with somewhat of firmness, he is 
 not apt to be bothered by having the request re- 
 peated frequently. Indeed, it may be said that the 
 parent who meets the request in this manner at all 
 times will never be troubled by being teased. All 
 must acknowledge, then, that a child teases because 
 it has discovered that a parent's decision is not final. 
 The child has discovered that, by persisting, he can 
 get the parent to grant the request, if for no other 
 reason than to get rid of him. 
 
 How Parents Train Children to Tease. 
 
 From what has been said it will be seen that par- 
 ents train children to tease by not having them un- 
 derstand that they mean what they say. The in- 
 junction for parents on this subject is "Let not your 
 aye mean nay, nor your nay mean aye." If children 
 could be questioned and led to tell what they really 
 think about this matter, many would testify that 
 they fully expect to have to tease for what they are 
 determined to get. They learn to calculate the time 
 most favorable and the energy which will be needed 
 to carry their points. 
 
 For What Children Tease. 
 
 Who ever heard of a child's teasing at the table 
 for a glass of water, or for a piece of bread, or for 
 anything else that was not out of the ordinary ? He 
 expects to tease only for that which he very well 
 knows it may not be best for him to have. It is the
 
 142 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 second piece of pie, another knife, or sled, or for 
 permission to sit up later than usual, or to remain 
 home from school for some insufficient reason. 
 
 Why Parents Yield to Teasing. 
 
 Many parents yield to teasing because they are 
 tired out by the everlasting nagging, which is cer- 
 tainly unpleasant and racks the nerves. Is this not 
 the truth? If so, is it right or best that children 
 should so early learn that they have a stronger will 
 than their parents? 
 
 Other parents yield to teasing because they love 
 their children so dearly that they cannot bear to 
 think of the suffering entailed by their refusal. 
 Though such a feeling is most natural and praise- 
 worthy, is it not, in such a case, rather selfish? Is 
 the request not granted, under such circumstances, 
 rather for the benefit of the parent than for the 
 child's sake? Should not the parent consider the 
 future benefit of the child rather than the present 
 comfort of both? 
 
 A large majority of parents yield because they 
 have not carefully considered before giving their 
 first answer. Upon second thought, they come to 
 the conclusion that they were wrong in refusing the 
 request. In many cases this is a most excellent rea- 
 son, and the parent does right in changing the de- 
 cision. But how much better it would be if the 
 parent would strive to decide properly at first ; and, 
 having given the decision, stand by it. Any other 
 plan encourages persistent teasing.
 
 CRYING AND TEASING. 143 
 
 Two Good Rules. 
 
 "Think twice before speaking" may be a good 
 rule for children. Might not the injunction to 
 "think several times before refusing or granting a 
 child's request" be just as good for parents? 
 
 The great problem for the parent is to know how 
 the child can be cured of teasing. It is not only very 
 unpleasant for the parent, but very injurious to the 
 child. The child who secures his wish by teasing 
 is apt to lose respect for the parent who is controlled 
 by such means. Is it possible to state in a few 
 words, a rule which will cure any child of teasing? 
 It certainly is. Though very short, it is just as im- 
 portant and simple. It is this : "Never give a child 
 that for which he teases." Try it for one week. 
 It will prove a sure cure for the worst cases.
 
 XXII. 
 
 PLAY AND PLAYMATES. 
 
 Necessity of Play. 
 
 Childhood is the time for play. Every child 
 should have plenty of recreation. While at his play 
 the young child should be left quite free, though he 
 may have some assistance in the selection of his 
 amusements to prevent his selecting such as may be 
 injurious to him mentally, morally or physically; 
 otherwise he should have the training of doing what 
 he wishes. If, as a child grows older, he learns to 
 select the right kind of amusements for himself, he 
 is more likely to use judgment in the selection of 
 his recreations when he has become a man. That 
 every adult should do this is of great importance. 
 Most of those who go down to destruction aje 
 started by their getting into the habit of selecting 
 debasing amusements. 
 
 Influence of Different Amusements. 
 
 Different kinds of amusements have entirely dif- 
 ferent influences in showing a child life's objects, 
 and in fitting him for life's duties. Some kinds will 
 exert a most beneficial influence. Others will re- 
 sult most injuriously. Each parent should consider
 
 PLAY AND PLAYMATES. 145 
 
 not so much the effect of any amusement at the pres- 
 ent time as its probable effect in the future. 
 
 An Important Matter. 
 
 It is of great importance that the child should feel 
 that the parent really takes some interest in his play. 
 If possible the parent should, sometimes, take part 
 in his games, and otherwise manifest that lively in- 
 terest which is a proof of the parent's sympathy. 
 It is needless to say that a child will enjoy a frolic 
 with the parent as with no other person in the 
 world. In after years, long after parents have 
 passed away, the child will remember the happy 
 times. What parent would exchange, for money, 
 the remembrance of the minutes spent in his par- 
 ents' bed in the morning ? Who can ever forget the 
 few minutes of romp with parents before being sent 
 to bed for the night? 
 
 A Place to Play. 
 
 Every child should have a playroom of some kind. 
 It may be only a corner in the sewing room for the 
 baby ; a corner in the garret for the older child, a 
 room in the barn or basement for the boy ; but there 
 should be some place which the child can call his 
 own. Many parents will spend much time and 
 money to provide a suitable place for a horse, a 
 dog, or even the birds of the air, yet never consider 
 that their own dear children have no place in which 
 they can be perfectly free. The remembrance of
 
 i 4 6 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 such a place will, in future years, be one of the most 
 pleasant of all the early experiences. 
 
 If several rooms are fitted up with interesting- 
 books, suitable furniture, and pleasing devices, they 
 will probably be no more appreciated by the children 
 of the rich than would be a corner in a garret, with 
 a few colored pictures, broken chairs and discarded 
 toys by others. No parent is too poor to provide 
 such as would be greatly appreciated by his own 
 children. Is it not worth thinking about? 
 
 Advantages of Home Amusements. 
 
 Every boy and girl should find more amusement 
 at home, in the evening, than in any other place. 
 The home games for the young and the old should 
 be more interesting than those which can be found 
 elsewhere. Many a girl and many more boys 
 would have been saved from lives of shame had 
 some effort been made by the parents to provide 
 suitable home amusement. 
 
 Parents should remember that children are sure 
 to have amusements ; if not those selected by the 
 parents, then those selected by themselves or by their 
 companions, whose judgment it is frequently not 
 safe to trust. The question to decide is, whether it 
 is better to help them select amusements which are 
 beneficial, or leave them entirely free to select their 
 own amusements, which are likely to be injurious. 
 To ask the question is to answer it.
 
 PLAY AND PLAYMATES. 147 
 
 Character oe Home Amusements. 
 
 As before indicated, the character of a child's 
 amusements is very important. What they shall be 
 is for each parent to help decide in the light of what 
 he thinks best. However, it may be well to call at- 
 tention to a few of the characteristics which it is 
 well for them to possess. 
 
 They should be interesting. If they are not, it 
 will be impossible for the children to find much 
 pleasure in them. 
 
 They should be as instructive as it is possible for 
 the children of the particular age to enjoy. A great 
 many social games may be selected for the reason 
 that they involve a large amount of information and 
 intellectual training. 
 
 They should be such that their influence will im- 
 press the fundamental truth of right living. If 
 they are such as to give the impression that luck is 
 more apt to determine success than careful playing, 
 or that dishonest play is the best way to secure the 
 desired end, a false idea is likely to be impressed and 
 stick to them the rest of their lives. By such games 
 endless numbers of bright young men have early 
 been trained for dishonest lives. 
 
 A Child's Peaymates. 
 
 Every child will have some playmates, either good 
 or bad. Which it shall be will be determined by 
 chance, partly by the wish of the child, and, it is 
 hoped, largely by the parent. Not excepting the
 
 148 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 influence of the parent and teacher, none is more 
 powerful for the development of the child than the 
 influence of his companions. Though the parent 
 and teacher do all they can to help in developing 
 high and noble characters, nearly all they have ac- 
 complished may be undone by one or two compan- 
 ions whose influence has a blighting effect upon the 
 developing character of the child. 
 
 Though this is the case, it is not good for chil- 
 dren to be alone. Such as are, cannot develop as they 
 should. Neither is it well for them to be much with 
 nurses or those much older than themselves. This 
 results in unnatural and injurious precocity. If 
 there are a number of children in the family they 
 should learn to play together in the proper spirit. 
 This is not always as easy as it may seem, but it is 
 important for many reasons. 
 
 Depriving Children of Playmates. 
 The utter folly of depriving a child of playmates 
 should be apparent to most parents. The child is 
 being prepared for life; for companionship with 
 others. Childhood is the time for him to learn to 
 bear and forbear ; to sympathize with the afflicted ; 
 to develop that loving kindness which will make 
 him beloved in after years ; to avoid the wrong and 
 select the right ; to develop habits of self-control 
 and self-denial ; to discover that he is only one of 
 the many, and not the only one to be considered. 
 In short, to learn all those things which will pre- 
 pare him for true living.
 
 PLAY AND PLAYMATES. 149 
 
 « 
 
 Since this is so, none but the foolish parent will 
 
 strive to keep children away from others. There 
 
 are many forms of evil which they should know 
 
 nothing of. Yet there are many evils which all 
 
 must know. The important lesson to be learned is 
 
 to avoid the wrong because it is wrong, and do the 
 
 right because it is right. The child who learns well 
 
 this lesson will surely develop a noble character. 
 
 There is little hope for the one who fails to learn it. 
 
 No wonder that the child most closely guarded 
 
 quickly succumbs to all forms of evil temptation 
 
 when the time comes for him to leave the secure 
 
 home fortress. 
 
 Influence of Companions. 
 
 There are many things which a child can learn 
 much better from children of about the same age 
 than from adults. There are influences and im- 
 pulses which he feels and develops only when in 
 company with those of the same age. Therefore, 
 let it ever be remembered that it is of vital import- 
 ance that those with whom he plays are such as will 
 aid in developing influences and feelings along right 
 lines, rather than in the opposite direction. 
 
 Because of the great influence of playmates, par- 
 ents should be guided by this consideration in the 
 selection of a residence. They should also consider 
 carefully the selection of a place for the child's edu- 
 cation and the selection of a school. This import- 
 ant matter should also be considered in the selection
 
 150 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 of servants. In very many cases the parent can 
 have but little to say concerning these matters. 
 However, this is no reason why attention should not 
 be called to the importance of the subject. 
 
 Where the parent can possibly do so he should 
 take great interest in seeing that the school which 
 his child attends is taught by a teacher whose in- 
 fluence is what it should be. Next to the parents 
 there is no one person who will probably exert such 
 a lasting influence upon most developing characters 
 as will his teachers and companions. 
 
 The Study of Companions. 
 
 It is the duty of every parent, not only to know 
 who are his child's companions, but to study each 
 companion, that he may know what influence each 
 one is exerting upon his child. Only in this way 
 can any parent properly perform the duty which 
 devolves upon him in the training of his child. This 
 cannot be done unless the house is open to these 
 companions, and unless there is a sympathetic ear 
 for all the child may have to say concerning those 
 with whom he is prone to play. Knowing the char- 
 acteristics of each companion, the parent may easily 
 encourage play with some and insist upon the avoid- 
 ance of others. 
 
 Selection oe Companions. 
 
 Some parents insist that they should leave the 
 selection of a boy's or girl's companions to the boy
 
 PLAY AND PLAYMATES. 151 
 
 or girl. When it is too late they will probably dis- 
 cover their mistake. Surely, those who fail to ap- 
 preciate the importance of doing all they can in the 
 selection of proper companions neglect one of the 
 "most powerful agencies in the training of their 
 precious children. It is very much to be doubted 
 if the influence resulting from such neglect can be 
 counteracted by anything else the parent may do on 
 behalf of the child. 
 
 Parents, then, should ever be mindful of the fact 
 that, next to themselves, the companions of their 
 children will most largely mold them. God has 
 given children such impressionable natures that, 
 unconsciously, they are influenced by all those with 
 whom they come in contact. They will imitate their 
 playmates' language, their walk and their actions. 
 They will acquire the same tastes ; their minds will 
 run in the same grooves. They will laugh or cry 
 with them. They will feel noble, kind, earnest, or 
 have the opposite feeling with them. We must not 
 forget that as a mirror they will reflect the peculiari- 
 ties, both good and bad, of those with whom they 
 associate. 
 
 A Few Proverbs. 
 
 That these statements are in accordance with the 
 general belief is shown by many proverbs of the 
 present and the past: "Tell me your company and 
 I'll tell you what you are." "Keep company with 
 the good and you'll be one of them." Kingsley says, 
 "Men become false if they associate with liars ;
 
 152 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 cynics if they live with scorners ; mean, if they live 
 much with the covetous." Tennyson says, "I am 
 part of all that I have met." How many, like 
 Charles Lamb, have selected the wrong kind of com- 
 panions ! Like him they also could say, after ten 
 years of such company, "Behold me now, at the 
 robust period of life reduced to imbecility and de- 
 cay. Life itself has much of the confusion, the 
 trouble, the obscure perplexity of a troubled dream." 
 Parents, would you save your children from such 
 certain, fearful retribution? See that you know 
 who their companions are. See that they are not 
 in company with those who, by vaunting the pleas- 
 ures of shame and dishonor, may beckon them on 
 toward wasted lives.
 
 XXIII. 
 
 THE CHILD AND THE SCHOOL. 
 Hard Questions. 
 
 Many anxious parents ask themselves such ques- 
 tions as, At what age should a child start to school ? 
 What about the kindergarten ? Shall I send to pub- 
 lic school or private? Since the future welfare of 
 a child may largely depend upon the proper answers 
 to these questions, they are of vital importance: for 
 next to his own home, his school home most power- 
 fully influences each child's development. 
 
 Too many parents send their children to school 
 for the purpose of getting rid of them. It is quite 
 natural that the tired mother should feel disposed 
 to shift the responsibility to the shoulders of the 
 teacher. However, is it not the parent's duty to 
 consider, not her own comfort, but rather the mental, 
 moral and physical welfare of the child? 
 
 Age of Entering Schooe. 
 
 The age at which children may be sent to the 
 public school varies in the different States. Six 
 admit at the age of four ; nineteen at five ; twenty 
 at six. Some children develop more rapidly than 
 others ; but few, if any, are sufficiently developed to
 
 154 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 be deprived of their mental and physical freedom 
 before they are five years old. 
 
 Many who have reached the age of six should not 
 be kept in school more than one-half a day, unless 
 the work is imbued with the kindergarten spirit. 
 The records prove that most children who enter at 
 the age of seven or eight soon overtake and pass 
 those who have entered at an earlier age. Worse 
 than this, too often those entering early become 
 dwarfed mentally, when they should be at their best. 
 It is important to remember that these first years 
 are a time for physical growth. By their childish 
 play and simple investigation they will learn more 
 between the ages of three and six than they will ever 
 learn at school in twice that time. 
 
 As To Kindergartens. 
 
 The child who is sent to the kindergarten should 
 be sent before the age of six. Better at the age of 
 five, provided it is a kindergarten in fact and not 
 merely in name. If the so-called kindergarten in- 
 stills, in a pleasant way, habits of obedience, atten- 
 tion, truth, tidiness, order, courtesy and good man- 
 ners in general, it is a good kindergarten. In too 
 many most of these ends are not reached. If the 
 teacher is well prepared and has the right spirit it 
 is safe to trust your child's interests to her. Other- 
 wise, it is not. The right kind of a home will be 
 far better than such a school.
 
 • THE CHILD AND SCHOOL. 155 
 
 Public or Private School? 
 
 Shall the child be sent to public or private school ? 
 This is a hard question to answer, unless it be an- 
 swered by saying that he should be sent to the best 
 school. Other things being equal, that school will 
 be where is found the best teacher. 
 
 Some private schools may have certain advan- 
 tages over the public schools of some localities. The 
 convictions of some lead them to send to schools 
 for that denominational instruction which they feel 
 is a necessity. Many of these find it best to trans- 
 fer to the public schools as soon as they can con- 
 scientiously do so. 
 
 Where they are what they should be, it will 
 generally be found that the best training is given in 
 the public schools. Their equipment is generally 
 far superior. The State requires a certain definite 
 pedagogical training of every teacher ; while anyone, 
 without special preparation, can teach in a private 
 school. 
 
 Too many parents send their children to private 
 schools because, so long as the tuition is paid 
 promptly, their children are permitted to do about 
 as they please and study when and what they like. 
 Thus they unwittingly injure their chances for the 
 future. Before it is too late many discover the mis- 
 take and send them to the public school, where they 
 are treated just as they deserve to be, regardless of 
 the homes from which they come. This is certainly 
 the best preparation for life.
 
 156 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 Lack oe Parental Interest. 
 
 The lack of interest shown by many parents in 
 their children's school is one of the wonders of the 
 present day. Many seem to think that the school 
 life consists entirely of recitations, and that it is 
 merely for this purpose that children go to school. 
 This is a very small and the least important part 
 of their training. If it were the most important 
 part, parents might be excused for their lack of in- 
 terest. There might then be some excuse for not 
 paying the poor teacher such a salary as would en- 
 able her to live as she should, and improve herself 
 as she would. 
 
 Morae Influence oe the Teacher. 
 
 The teacher's moral influence is by far her most 
 important influence. What have you done to make 
 certain that it is what it should be? How often 
 have you visited the teacher, unless to tell her how 
 much you don't think of her, or to make some com- 
 plaint? If you have found a worthy teacher and 
 are pleased with your child's progress, what have 
 you done to encourage her? How often have you 
 told the principal or a member of the Board of Edu- 
 cation what good work she is doing, and what an 
 outrage you think it is to pay so little for the ser- 
 vices of one who is doing such a grand work in 
 molding for weal or woe the lives of so many pre- 
 cious little ones?
 
 THE CHILD AND SCHOOL. 157 
 
 Are you one of .those ever ready to find fault? 
 Does it not keep you busy managing two or three 
 children of your own ? How would you like to un- 
 dertake the care and training of from forty to sixty 
 belonging to some other people who don't care 
 enough about their children to ask who their 
 teacher is? 
 
 Preparation of Parent and Teacher. 
 
 When finding fault with a teacher, do you ever 
 stop to think that at least ninety-nine out of every 
 hundred teachers are better prepared for the train- 
 ing of children than are most parents? They have 
 spent years striving to learn how best to educate 
 these precious children. How much time does the 
 average parent give to this subject? Would it not, 
 therefore, be best for parents to try to co-operate 
 with the teachers? 
 
 Co-OPERATION OE PARENTS AND TEACHERS. 
 
 Have you ever really tried to learn how you can 
 help the teacher so that she might accomplish more 
 for your own dear child and those of others? Do 
 you ever believe what your child says without hear- 
 ing the other side of the complaint? Should not 
 parents and teachers work together? If they pull 
 in opposite directions will not the interest of the 
 child remain stationary? Before criticising, will 
 you not stop and remember that the teachers' work 
 is very difficult at best? It is probable that your
 
 158 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 child's teacher is making the work more interesting 
 and profitable than any teacher to whom you have 
 ever gone ; for the schools of to-day are infinitely 
 better than they were twenty-five years ago. 
 
 Criticising the Teacher. 
 
 Have you ever criticised the teacher in the pres- 
 ence of your child? If you do, are you aware of 
 the fact that you are injuring your child a hundred 
 times as much as you are injuring the teacher? 
 When he finds he can depend upon you he will say 
 the teacher has a "pick at him." It is quite natural 
 that you should believe his story. But should you 
 not investigate before letting him have his own 
 way about leaving school? On your way down the 
 street, watch for other boys whose parents believed 
 that they were "picked at." You can see them on 
 every corner ; a cigar in the mouth, impudence in 
 the face, a swagger in the walk, and don't-care-a- 
 cent in the manner. They think they are older than 
 their parents, know more than all their teachers, 
 and are probably running a downward course faster 
 than the latest automobile. 
 
 How Parents Can Heep the Teacher. 
 
 Might it not be well to consider how you can help 
 the teacher manage and train your child? Is it not 
 best to take for granted that the teacher is right, 
 unless you are led to the opposite conclusion after 
 careful investigation? Do you really want to help
 
 . THE CHILD AND SCHOOL. 159 
 
 the teacher and your children? See that they are 
 neat and clean, that they attend school regularly 
 and promptly, that they understand that you expect 
 them to obey their teachers ; that they work indus- 
 triously while in school. Will you do this ? If you 
 will, you and your children will never regret your 
 having done so. 
 
 '£> 
 
 Boarding Schools. 
 
 There are times when it seems best to send boys 
 and girls to boarding schools. Generally it is a 
 mistake. Better keep them under your own eye. 
 If you must send them to boarding school, select the 
 school with great care. Like a poor teacher, a poor 
 school is dear at any price. 
 
 What Shall Children Study? 
 
 Don't be in a hurry about having your children 
 take advanced subjects and other languages. It is 
 more important that they learn to observe, to think, 
 and compare, and that they understand and have 
 something to say in English, rather than know many 
 languages and have nothing to say in any of them. 
 
 A moderate knowledge of music and a smaller 
 amount of painting are good for some, especially 
 the girls. But do not rush the decorative portions 
 of their education. Remember the three Rs and see 
 that they do the same.
 
 XXIV. 
 
 TRAINING A CHILD TO TELL THE 
 TRUTH. 
 
 A Common Fault. 
 
 Nearly all children seem to be guilty of telling 
 more or less falsehoods. This habit is one of the 
 most difficult to correct. Many mothers are ready 
 to deny, with indignation, the statement that their 
 children ever told a lie. However, very few men 
 noted for their veracity can be found who will claim 
 that, as boys, they never told any stories. It might 
 be well for parents to consider this fact when they 
 are about to judge harshly a child who has not 
 spoken the truth. 
 
 A Difficult Matter. 
 
 Upon first thought, it seems that we have a right 
 to expect the truth from every person at all times, 
 and especially from children. But is it such an easy 
 matter to tell the truth? Is there any good reason 
 why we should feel shocked when a young child 
 tells a falsehood? What do we mean when we say 
 a child ought to tell the truth? Do we not mean 
 that it is the child's duty ? What does a young child 
 know about duty? Nothing, until it has been in-
 
 TELLING THE TRUTH. 161 
 
 structed. Even then very little, until it has reached 
 school age or even later. Most of us will agree that 
 the incentive to do right, because it is a duty to do 
 so at all times, is such a high incentive that even 
 adults frequently hesitate, and many times fail to 
 respond as they should to this moral obligation. 
 
 Hard to Punish Properly. 
 
 How many conscientious parents have been per- 
 plexed to know how they should punish a child who 
 persists in telling falsehoods ! Mistakes of manage- 
 ment here may so easily drive a child into becoming 
 a confirmed story-teller, not only while a child, but 
 even after he has reached manhood. Some children 
 seem to have no sense of honesty whatever. They 
 will tell stories without any apparent provocation. 
 Sometimes they will even tell untruths when against 
 their own interests, so that it seems impossible to 
 understand them. Every person of experience has 
 known such. All know that many of these have 
 turned out to be the most reliable men and women. 
 Is it any wonder, then, that a thoughtful parent ap- 
 proaches this subject prayerfully and with fear and 
 trembling ? 
 
 Why Children Are Untruthful. 
 
 In early years the distinction between realities and 
 mere fancies of the mind are not clearly perceived. 
 Very few adults can tell the exact truth about any 
 accident they see. Nearly every person sometimes
 
 162 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 stops and hesitates before he is sure whether he 
 really had a certain experience, or whether it is 
 merely a dream. Have we not all sometimes asked 
 ourselves the question, "Did I dream this, or did I 
 read it, or did someone tell me of it several years 
 ago?" 
 
 Remembering is simply bringing into our minds 
 images of what has been there before. It is merely 
 another form of imagination. How easy it is for 
 anyone, especially a child, to fail to distinguish be- 
 tween the image now in the mind and one that was 
 prominent in the mind some time in the past ! How 
 natural for a child thinking about a runaway to con- 
 fuse the image now in the mind with the one that 
 might have been in the mind some time ago. If 
 he does, he would say that he saw a runaway and 
 tell all the details he remembers from the picture 
 in his mind. He would then be telling what he 
 thought would be the truth, even though it was a 
 falsehood. 
 
 When we consider that the mental faculties of 
 children are all very immature, and that their minds 
 are occupied with such a multitude of various kinds 
 of sensations as to form a bewildering maze, need 
 we wonder that children are apt to handle the truth 
 rather carelessly? Are there not the best of rea- 
 sons to justify our being amazed that, so frequently, 
 they are able to distinguish so well between the 
 images of the true and those of the false, when we 
 ourselves can scarcely understand how we are able 
 to do so?
 
 TELLING THE TRUTH. 163 
 
 Other Reasons for Untruthfulness. 
 
 As children grow older the power to distinguish 
 between images of the present and the past should 
 become stronger. It is therefore necessary to look 
 for other explanations of seeming untruthfulness. 
 Do not parents and others tell children fairy stories 
 for the sake of pleasing them ? They do not expect 
 children to believe them, so that, in one sense, they 
 are not untruthful. Now suppose a child is asked 
 whether he was kind to his little sister. He may 
 answer that he was, not so much because of fear of 
 consequences as because he dislikes to displease the 
 parent. Is there a parent who does not remember 
 such instances? Is not such desire praiseworthy? 
 Such a child does not reason deeply. He does not 
 analyze. He cannot. 
 
 Sometimes the parent will playfully say to a child, 
 "I am a big bear and I am going to eat you," and 
 many such expressions. This is all right. It is not 
 wrong. The child knows that he is just playing. 
 Yet the images in the child's mind will be so real 
 that the child will run in great fear. It is, indeed, 
 very hard for any child with a vivid imagination to 
 readily distinguish between images. Need we won- 
 der that they draw on their imaginations when talk- 
 ing to others? 
 
 Even Parents Make Sad Mistakes. 
 
 Sad to relate, many parents make it very hard 
 for their children to be truthful. How often they
 
 164 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 promise but do not fulfill their promises. The worst 
 of it is, many times they have no idea of fulfilling 
 their promises. Sometimes a parent will, in the 
 presence of children, welcome most cordially some 
 unexpected and undesired caller. It has been re- 
 ported that after the doors are closed all manner 
 of unkind things are said in the hearing of the chil- 
 dren. How often is this the case? What a terri- 
 ble example for children ! One little girl, on being 
 told to go to bed as soon as some callers left, said, 
 "Oh, please let me stay up ; I want to hear what you 
 say about them !" 
 
 Many times children perceive that parents are 
 deliberately lying about something. Other times, 
 at least, it is said parents tell the children to inform 
 unwelcome visitors that they have gone down the 
 street or are not at home. Sometimes one parent 
 will, deliberately, and with the knowledge of the 
 children, conceal things from the other parent, and 
 not hesitate to tell untruths concerning the matter. 
 Some cases are even worse than the above-men- 
 tioned, but these are bad enough. Under such cir- 
 cumstances is it any wonder that children have little 
 idea of the importance of telling the truth ? Need 
 we be surprised that under such training children 
 soon learn to deceive even more successfully than 
 their parents? 
 
 Important Conclusions. 
 Don't imagine that children naturally tell the 
 truth. They must be trained to do so, as they
 
 TELLING THE TRUTH. 165 
 
 would be trained in any other desirable habit. Par- 
 ents should not expect them to be trained by harsh 
 knocks, which so often result in injury to the child. 
 
 The parent should not feel too much worried if 
 a young child is continually telling stories. The 
 remedy lies in proper training. 
 
 If a child shows great fear of the consequences, 
 the parent should carefully consider whether the 
 consequences have not been too severe in the past. 
 Is it not true that, very often, children are driven 
 into telling untruths by the mistakes which the par- 
 ents have made in punishing falsehoods? 
 
 The young child who tells an untruth should not 
 be punished severely, if at all. What such a child 
 needs is the right kind of instruction ; not punish- 
 ment in anger. He should have an explanation of 
 the evils resulting from a continuance of such prac- 
 tices, if he is not too young. When a child does tell 
 the truth, under trying circumstances, too much ap- 
 proval cannot be given. By stories concerning truth- 
 ful children, and in various other ways, no effort 
 should be spared to train children so that they will 
 get in the habit of telling the truth. 
 
 Finally, let the parents be sure that they not only 
 encourage their children to tell the truth, but that 
 they show them how to do so.
 
 XXV. 
 
 THE MANAGEMENT OF THE STUBBORN 
 
 CHILD. 
 
 The Meaning of Stubbornness. 
 
 How many parents have wondered what they 
 should do with the child who positively refuses to 
 do what he is told ! What can be done with such 
 a child? The answer is not easy. What might 
 answer for one child may be of very little use for 
 another. Too many parents think the child is de- 
 praved because he is stubborn. Such is not the 
 case. Stubbornness is simply an indication of a 
 strong will and should be treated as such. In a later 
 talk on the training of the will, attention will be 
 called to the fact that a strong will is a most excel- 
 lent thing for a child to possess. The trouble comes, 
 of course, when the child "won't" do right, but wills 
 to do wrong. 
 
 A Diamond in the Rough. 
 
 Let the parent who has a child that is disposed to 
 be stubborn not lose heart. Such a child is a dia- 
 mond in the rough. Have you ever seen such a 
 diamond? There is nothing interesting in its ap- 
 pearance. None, save those who can see below the
 
 THE STUBBORN CHILD. 167 
 
 surface, would consider it of any value. Yet prop- 
 erly handled it will show the brilliancy of a gem of 
 priceless value. So it will be with the stubborn 
 child, if only the parent has wisdom and tact enough 
 to discover how such an one can be reached. 
 
 The; Result op Continued Stubbornness. 
 
 If the child who is supposed to be stubborn per- 
 sists in stubbornness, the result may be very serious. 
 It is apt to affect, if not prevent, his future success 
 in life. Once such a habit is firmly fixed, it will 
 not only show itself in the home, on every occasion, 
 but it will also assert itself in the school and in 
 society. These are the ones who are most likely to 
 be misunderstood and unappreciated, both at home 
 and in school. Too often they are those who can- 
 not be tolerated in company with other children, lest 
 other children pattern after them. The result is 
 they are expelled from school, educated on the 
 street, and housed in the jails and penitentiaries of 
 the land. 
 
 One Way of Managing a Stubborn Child. 
 
 A child who had an exceptionally strong will was 
 trained into an entirely different kind of a child by 
 the following treatment when still quite young. 
 When he refused to do as he was told he was re- 
 quired to take a particular scat, and in the kindest 
 tones it was explained that certain consequences 
 would certainly result if he did not comply with the 
 request made. Care was taken not to make any
 
 1 68 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 threats which would not and should not be carried 
 into execution. He was told to think the matter 
 over and decide whether it would give him more 
 pleasure to do as he was bidden, or to receive cer- 
 tain punishments and lose some privileges which he 
 would very much enjoy. 
 
 As was expected, he decided to lose the privileges 
 and take the punishment rather than comply with 
 the directions. Great care was taken to see that 
 every detail of the punishment was carried out in 
 the most kindly manner and yet with such firmness 
 as showed that he need never count upon the slight- 
 est modification of the penalties promised. 
 
 One Punishment Sufficient. 
 
 The next time he refused to do as told he was 
 placed in the same chair, and somewhat similar 
 promises made. After thinking the matter over for 
 about two minutes he said : "Papa, I will do what 
 you tell me." He had deliberately considered the 
 matter and made a choice. He had discovered that 
 it did not pay to suffer the loss of a great deal of 
 pleasure for the sake of the satisfaction of having 
 his own way. 
 
 Not a few times thereafter it was necessary to 
 place him in a chair and await his decisions. In 
 but few cases, however, did he decide other than 
 wisely. Later he was trained into habits of obedi- 
 ence by requiring him to comply with such direc- 
 tions as, "Get up on this chair !" "Come here !" "Go
 
 THE STUBBORN CHILD. 169 
 
 to that corner!" "Sit on the floor!" and many other 
 similar commands. These directions were given as 
 if it were a game. 
 
 Some may object to such a method, but it re- 
 sulted in forming the habit of obedience in a child 
 of unusually strong will. In the past eight years 
 that boy has not once refused obedience to the ex- 
 pressed wish of the parent. 
 
 May this case not be suggestive to some parents 
 who are naturally disposed to show that they can- 
 not only be more stubborn than their child, but that, 
 by relying on greater brute force, they can compel 
 them to do as the parent orders? Such conduct is 
 not worthy of a loving parent. 
 
 How a Child Was Saved. 
 
 This little boy, spoken of above, when scarcely 
 two years old, had climbed to the top of a fire- 
 escape on one of the highest buildings in the city. 
 When discovered he was in imminent danger of be- 
 ing dashed to the pavement below. The crowd 
 gathered, while the agonized father was preparing 
 to ascend and endeavor to rescue the child. As 
 he started up, the little boy, in glee, tried to escape 
 by crawling upon the edge of the roof, where the 
 least slip meant certain death. Under the circum- 
 stances the father did not dare to climb upward, lest, 
 in his efforts to escape, the little boy would fall 
 from the edge of the roof. What was to be done ! 
 
 As stated above, the child had been very self-
 
 170 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 willed. Only by the most careful, persistent and 
 systematic training had it been possible to secure 
 prompt obedience from him. 
 
 In the way indicated above he had been trained 
 to obey implicitly. Remembering this, the father 
 walked out into the middle of the crowded street, 
 where the child, standing on the edge of the roof, 
 could see him quite easily. In a loud, firm voice 
 he cried, "Willie, sit down ! Sit down !" Imme- 
 diately the child sat upon the edge of the roof. 
 When the father started up, the little boy was dis- 
 posed to get up and run along the edge of the roof. 
 However, in obedience to the repeated order, "Sit 
 down!" he remained seated until, with great diffi- 
 culty, the father reached him, clasped him in his 
 arms and brought him safely from the dizzy height. 
 But for his having been trained away from stub- 
 bornness into implicit obedience, that dear child 
 would have been dashed to death twelve years ago. 
 
 How to Manage the; Most Stubborn. 
 
 In the great proportion of cases of stubbornness 
 the child is not intentionally so, though the contrary 
 may appear to be the case. It seems almost impos- 
 sible for some children to comply with requests 
 made under certain conditions. They seem posi- 
 tively mulish, in the very worst sense of the word. 
 Luckily there are very few such. Many of these 
 are under an intense nervous strain. It seems that 
 one of the best ways of managing such a child is to
 
 THE STUBBORN CHILD. 171 
 
 strive to get the child to think of something else. 
 If he can be made to forget, it may be easy to lead 
 him back to the desired path. 
 
 Those who have had experience with a balky 
 horse will understand what is meant. Such have 
 discovered that no amount of beating will have the 
 slightest effect. One man, whose horses were draw- 
 ing a load of hay, endeavored to start one of the 
 horses by building a fire under the horse. The horse 
 moved far enough to get himself out of danger and 
 to set fire to the load of hay. By unhitching the 
 horses the man saved them. He has not yet been 
 able to collect the insurance on the hay and the 
 wagon. The parent who uses brute force with a 
 stubborn child of nervous temperament may fare 
 far worse than this man. Those who are most suc- 
 cessful in the management of such horses find their 
 greatest success in diverting their attention by 
 tickling the nose, putting dust in their mouths, giv- 
 ing them something to eat, or in some other way 
 making them forget their determination to be balky. 
 May there not be some suggestion in this method 
 of procedure for those parents who have exception- 
 ally stubborn children?
 
 XXVI. 
 
 THE TRAINING OF THE ONLY CHILD. 
 
 Why the Only Child Is Spoiled. 
 
 How often the only child groves up to be the 
 opposite of what parents and friends would wish. 
 That such is the case all must admit. That there 
 is some good reason for this being the case many 
 have surmised. What the reasons are few have 
 attempted to say. 
 
 One great reason why the only child is likely to 
 be spoiled may be found in the fact that the parents 
 are disposed to give the child nearly everything he 
 desires. Being the only child he is likely to get 
 much more than if there were several children. His 
 every wish is granted by parents, grandparents, 
 uncles, aunts and friends. Such being the fact, is 
 it any wonder that a child treated in this way is 
 apt to grow selfish and expect the same treatment 
 from everybody, even when he grows older and 
 should know better? 
 
 The only child is apt to be petted and compli- 
 mented by all. If there were more, the praise would 
 be divided. All love a pet, and it is well for all to 
 have one of some kind, if it be only a dog, cat, a 
 horse, or some other animal. But it is very injur- 
 ious for a single child to receive all the petting which
 
 THE ONLY CHILD. 173 
 
 loving parents are apt to bestow. No parent should 
 withhold commendation for praiseworthy acts, but 
 the undeserved praise which the only child is apt 
 to get is likely to make him so proud and overbear- 
 ing that life is miserable for those who come in 
 contact with him. 
 
 From the time the only child learns to walk he 
 is apt to be followed persistently. At every turn 
 he is met by a restraining hand. Much less oppor- 
 tunity is given for development than to those chil- 
 dren in families where the number is such that a 
 great amount of freedom is necessarily permitted. 
 Such children may receive a few extra bumps, but 
 they will learn lessons which will prove invaluable 
 in after life. 
 
 The Only Child Sometimes the Best. 
 
 While it is, indeed, very much harder to properly 
 train an only child than one of a number of children, 
 the fact remains that some of the very best trained 
 children have been those who came from families 
 where there were no other children. Where this is 
 the case it has been the result of the parents appre- 
 ciating the peculiar danger and difficulty in the train- 
 ing of an only child. Seeing clearly the dangers, 
 it is possible to avoid them. It is hoped that the few 
 suggestions in this talk may give help to many who 
 are endeavoring to train an only child. 
 
 Those who have the responsibility of training a 
 single child should guard carefully lest they overdo
 
 174 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 the training. Too frequently this is the reason why 
 the children of ministers do not turn out as they 
 should. Being intensely interested in the proper 
 training of their children and being determined to 
 do everything that is best, they have sometimes been 
 led to repress far more than is best. Many times 
 such parents do more harm by too much training 
 than is done by other parents who are much lacking 
 in all systematic training. 
 
 The Children oe the Rich. 
 
 What has been said concerning the training of 
 the only child applies with equal if not greater force 
 to the children of the rich. Certain it is that the 
 children of the rich are generally at a great disad- 
 vantage in the battle of life. It is the exception 
 when such are able to hold their own in competition 
 with those who come from families in which luxury 
 is unknown. The motto, "Give the poor boy a 
 chance," should be changed. It should be made to 
 read, "Give the child of the rich parents a chance." 
 The poor boy will take a chance and hold it. We 
 need not bother to give it to him. We are told on 
 the best of authority that it is easier for a camel to 
 go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man 
 to enter the kingdom of heaven. The same figure 
 of speech might be used to emphasize the difficulty 
 of properly training the only child or the child of 
 wealthy parents. Too much prosperity is apt to 
 ruin adults. Is there any wonder that a child is
 
 THE ONLY CHILD. 17S 
 
 almost certain to be ruined by having his own way 
 all the time? 
 
 The Child Who Bosses the House. 
 
 Who has not seen a child running the house and 
 all in it? Who has not felt sorry for the unfortun- 
 ate parent on the street, in the car or in the home? 
 Many times one feels disposed to take charge of 
 such an one for a short time. On such occasion 
 there would probably be an attempt to cure "by the 
 laying on of hands." 
 
 No one who has watched a spoiled child bossing 
 things could fail to feel sorry for the parents. Many 
 times they are deserving of pity. In some cases 
 they do not seem to know they have really nothing 
 to say on most subjects. In other cases they realize 
 the condition but seem helpless. 
 
 But should not the child be pitied even more than 
 the parents? It is not his fault, but the result of 
 improper training; upon his young shoulders rest 
 the cares of the house. He must decide whether 
 the parent shall go out or remain at home, whether 
 he shall go to bed or stay up longer, whether he shall 
 eat what is put before him, and as to a great many 
 other questions which most parents decide for their 
 children, thereby relieving them of a great responsi- 
 bility. 
 
 Who Is to Blame? 
 
 When such a condition exists whose fault is it? 
 At first we are disposed to blame the child. But is
 
 176 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 that just? Under the same conditions, would we 
 not have acted the same way? Long before such 
 a child could utter a word he was probably trained 
 to do what he now does. Before he was a month 
 old he was probably taught that, even if comfort- 
 able, he should not lie quiet, but should cry, that he 
 might be walked, rocked or patted until he fell 
 asleep. Ever since that time he has probably had 
 such training which most certainly prepared him to 
 be the despotic ruler of the house. 
 
 But place the blame where you will, the fact re- 
 mains that no parent has a right to ruin a child by 
 allowing him to assume the duties which belong 
 to the parent. It is the parents' duty to decide for 
 the child until he has developed sufficient judgment 
 to decide for himself. It is the child's duty to obey, 
 and the parents' duty to see that he does so.
 
 XXVII. 
 
 QUESTIONS AND REQUESTS. 
 
 The Child an Animated Interrogation Point. 
 
 It is perfectly natural for every healthy child to 
 ask frequent questions. Every sense reaches out 
 after knowledge. Before he can speak he looks his 
 questions. After he can talk he is always ready to 
 ask them. The parent who undertakes to answer 
 all the questions which a child may ask will have 
 but little time for anything else. It is, therefore, 
 very hard to say what is best for a parent to do 
 with reference to the many questions. 
 
 Importance oe Questions. 
 
 The answer to a question is the beginning of 
 knowledge. But for the answers which a child re- 
 ceives to his questions he could make no start in 
 knowledge. His progress ends when he can no 
 longer receive answers from books or from other 
 sources. That parent whose child does not desire 
 to ask questions is to be pitied. He should consult 
 a doctor in the hope of discovering the cause of the 
 affliction. Such a child is in danger of death from 
 intellectual starvation. 
 
 The tendency of children to ask questions should
 
 178 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 be made of great use in the training of children. It 
 opens the door to the child's mind, and to his heart 
 as well. For this reason, if properly understood, 
 they may prove to be blessings in disguise, not only 
 to the child, but to the parents as well. 
 
 Natural Tendency oe Parents Wrong. 
 
 The natural tendency of the tired parent is to 
 endeavor to repress, or entirely prevent the child's 
 asking questions. This is very wrong. The effort 
 which the parent should make is to train the child 
 to ask the right kind of questions, and to ask them 
 at the proper time. The parent who can do this will 
 have but little trouble from this source. 
 
 Curiosity No Crime. 
 
 No parent should fail to remember that curiosity 
 is most natural to all, and especially to children. 
 Since it is so, children should not be criticised for 
 asking questions. The child finds everything full 
 of mystery. If he is gifted with the average intelli- 
 gence he cannot help seeking to find an explanation 
 for the wonderful things which surround him. Yet 
 it is reported on good authority that some parents 
 have been heard to exclaim, "Stop asking me ques- 
 tions !" "You will drive me crazy !" "Don't bother 
 me with any more questions !" "I'll whip you if 
 you don't stop asking me questions !" The parents' 
 attitude should rather be shown by such statements 
 as the following: "I am very glad to have you ask 
 
 >-*,
 
 QUESTIONS AND REQUESTS. 179 
 
 me proper questions about what you wish to know. 
 I am busy now, but this evening I will try to answer 
 your questions." Who will doubt the difference in 
 effect upon any child ? 
 
 How to Answer a Child's Questions. 
 
 In answering a child's questions the parent should 
 remember that, in most cases, the child is not seek- 
 ing for the details of knowledge. He generally 
 wants only the main facts. He does not want an 
 extended discourse on any subject. Therefore most 
 answers to young children should be very short and 
 to the point. If parents would but remember this 
 they would find much less trouble in answering the 
 many questions which are sure to come. 
 
 Some questions require more time and thought. 
 They therefore cannot well be answered at the time. 
 This is especially the case with questions of older 
 children. Such questions may be postponed until 
 a more suitable occasion. The important matter is 
 that the child should feel that he is free to ask ques- 
 tions about those things which are of interest to him, 
 but concerning which he has no sure means of gain- 
 ing information. If he has a way of finding the 
 answer by reference to cyclopaedia, to some other 
 book, or in some other way, he should be required 
 to answer his own question. 
 
 What to Do About Some Questions. 
 Many times parents will be asked questions which
 
 180 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 they cannot answer. If such is the case a parent 
 should not hesitate to say, "I do not know, but if 
 you are anxious to understand I will look it up and 
 explain it to you later." Many parents refuse to do 
 this lest the children think less of them. Is this not 
 a mistake? Even the child soon learns that the 
 field of knowledge is boundless. He soon realizes 
 that it is impossible for any person to know even a 
 small part of what is to be known. While to some 
 parents the whole world is a field, to others a field 
 is a world. Why, then, should they not be frank 
 with their children in this matter, as in other things ? 
 Again, there are questions which it is not right or 
 best that parents should answer. Such questions 
 may be passed over with the statement that they can- 
 not be explained now, or that it is not necessary for 
 them to understand it at this time. They may be 
 told that when the time comes all these things will 
 be made clear to them. 
 
 A Child's Requests. 
 
 There are many things which it is not safe for a 
 child to have. Some would be injurious, if not 
 fatal. There are many other things which it is not 
 best for a child to possess. As his protector, it is 
 the parent's business to see that the child does not 
 get what is injurious. These things it is easy for 
 the parent to refuse. The sharp knife, the bottle of 
 poison, the loaded revolver, would be denied a child 
 very quickly. However, too many find it almost
 
 QUESTIONS AND REQUESTS. 181 
 
 impossible to refuse many things which the child 
 should not have, even though they are not especially 
 harmful. 
 
 A Hard Matter. 
 
 How hard it is for a loving parent to refuse to 
 give what a child cries for or what it pleads for ! It 
 gives so much pleasure to make the child happy. He 
 enjoys it so much that it is indeed very hard to re- 
 fuse where it is possible to grant the request. Yet 
 the most unkind treatment any parent can give is to 
 grant everything asked for. Such a course means 
 almost certain ruin. How many parents do not ap- 
 preciate to its fullest extent the truth of this state- 
 ment! 
 
 What a Child Should Be Denied. 
 
 That every child should be denied that which will 
 injure him all must readily admit. Yet is it not a 
 fact that many children are not denied many things 
 which, in reality, do harm? It is wrong to give a 
 child every toy it wishes. It is positively injurious 
 to give a child to eat whatever he asks for. Every 
 parent must judge for himself what the child should 
 be denied and what he should be granted. No par- 
 ent should fail to see the importance of refusing, 
 even though it means temporary pain for the child 
 or even for the parent. 
 
 Childhood should be the happiest time of life. A 
 child should suffer no more pain than is necessary 
 to properly train him for the life which is to come. 
 He should not be met by denial at every turn. How-
 
 182 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 ever, the fact remains that it is of great importance 
 that every child should find quite early in life that 
 his every wish cannot be granted. Most parents 
 cannot have nearly everything they desire. To be 
 happy in life they must learn to forego many pleas- 
 ures they would like to enjoy, and get into the habit 
 of enjoying greatly those things which they do 
 have. Thus only will their lives be happy. Is it 
 not likely that the child will also fail to get many 
 things he will wish to have when he is older? Is 
 it not very important that he should be trained to 
 take as a matter of course his failures to secure 
 many things he asks for? Only thus will he be 
 fitted to meet life's many disappointments. 
 
 Children Expect Too Much. 
 Most children of the present time expect far more 
 than they should. Their parents were glad for the 
 wagon made from an old box, with spools for 
 wheels. The child of to-day is satisfied with noth- 
 ing less than automobiles of various sizes and colors. 
 The parent was glad, perhaps, for a rag doll which 
 was loved for its hideousness. The child of to-day 
 expects to have a whole family of expensive dolls, 
 made as life-like as possible. The parents consid- 
 ered themselves fortunate if they were given the 
 privilege of looking at a book, even though not at 
 all suited to their age. Now the child is given many 
 books prepared expressly for children. Is it any 
 wonder that children expect much more than it is 
 necessary or best that they should have?
 
 XXVIII. 
 
 THE FEARS AND SORROWS OF 
 CHILDREN. 
 
 Children Naturally Fearful. 
 
 Nearly if not all children quite early show signs 
 of fear. However, the very young child probably 
 has no fear whatever. Such a child does not hesi- 
 tate to go into almost every kind of danger. That 
 such is the case most will admit. 
 
 The more nervous a child is the more fearful he 
 is likely to be as he gets older; however, if proper 
 care is taken fears may be prevented from gaining 
 more than temporary control over children. If not 
 dealt with properly they may injuriously affect them 
 all through their lives. Foolish the parent who 
 thinks that fears are the signs of weakness. They 
 should be considered as the natural result of living 
 in the world of imagination in which the child exists. 
 As such they will hold sway over the child's mind 
 until developing reason and careful treatment re- 
 move the causes. 
 
 How to Deal With a Child's Fears. 
 
 It is of great importance that the fears of children 
 be dealt with in great tenderness and with much
 
 184 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 consideration. Yet, how often the thoughtless par- 
 ent makes them a subject of ridicule. 
 
 Sometimes innocent children are brutally whipped 
 for the purpose of making them less fearful. From 
 what will be said upon the emotions and the im- 
 agination of children it will be seen that no treat- 
 ment could be more unwise. Surely the time has 
 come when those having the managing of children 
 should have some idea of the significance of childish 
 fear. All should see clearly that it is not cowardice, 
 and that the child may really be braver than the man 
 who faces death in the front line of battle, and yet 
 be fearful. Fear is the perception of danger. Cow- 
 ardice is being afraid to brave the danger. 
 
 The Child Who Fears Nothing. 
 
 Some children seem to fear nothing. With such 
 something is radically wrong. While it is not ex- 
 pected or best that all should be as fearful as are 
 those who have lively imaginations and sensitive 
 emotions, yet it is best that children should have 
 some fear. If they have not, at every turn they will 
 meet with accidents which most children would 
 avoid. Children who have no fear would not hesi- 
 tate to go near many places which every child should 
 avoid. Such a child is evidently almost entirely 
 lacking in those mental powers which every child 
 should possess. 
 
 Different Kinds of Fears. 
 Children have many different kinds of fears.
 
 FEARS AND SORROWS. 185 
 
 Some are governed more by one kind, and others 
 by entirely different kinds. Some have reasonable 
 fears, others have unreasonable fears. The sensible 
 child will fear the fire which has burned him, or 
 anything else which has injured him in any way. 
 If talked with and shown that at a certain distance, 
 and under certain conditions, no unpleasant conse- 
 quences will follow, it is quite easy to train him to 
 be no more fearful than he should be. 
 
 A great many of the child's fears are the natural 
 result of a vivid imagination, which has been unduly 
 stimulated by senseless stories of nurse or parent. 
 Of all fears these should be dealt with most tenderly. 
 
 The children of nervous temperaments are gen- 
 erally those most sensitive to such fears. Many of 
 them suffer almost daily and nightly such anguish 
 as would drive their parents into insanity. Greatly 
 are such children to be pitied if their parents, be- 
 cause of real, acquired or pretended lack of fear, 
 have no sympathy with these fears. There is no 
 use telling children that they are unreasonable. 
 
 The Dreams oe Children. 
 
 How terribly many children suffer from the aw- 
 ful dreams which awaken them from the deepest 
 sleep! Indeed it is hardly possible for us to sym- 
 pathize with such as we should. What parent can- 
 not remember some terrible dreams which unnerved 
 him, even after he was old enough to know that so 
 far as is known there was absolutely nothing in
 
 186 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 dreams? Surely such a parent should be most pa- 
 tient with the fearful apparitions which are intensely 
 real to every child. 
 
 Many a child has been injured for life, and con- 
 demned to become a nervous wreck because of the 
 parents' disregard of these fears of imagination 
 which run riot when we are asleep and judgment 
 is off guard. Like the insane person, the child in 
 his sleep, to a certain extent, sees the images as if 
 they were real. In too many cases the exciting and 
 terrible stories told by parents to their children are 
 the direct cause of many of the worst dreams of 
 children. 
 
 Bedtime. 
 
 Some parents have never given any consideration 
 to the claims of their children when they are about 
 to retire for the night. Is this not a mistake? It 
 may be argued that children should learn to go to 
 bed when they are told and to go to sleep promptly. 
 Let it be acknowledged that this is the case. The 
 fact remains that there are times when they cannot 
 do so. Often young children will lie for hours 
 thinking of hobgoblins and a hundred other things 
 which excite and scare them. If reports can be be- 
 lieved, many times thoughtless or selfish parents and 
 nurses try to scare children to sleep by telling them 
 terrible stories of what may happen if they do not 
 go to sleep at once. Such treatment is barbarous, 
 and, if it cannot be stopped in some better way, it 
 justifies attention from the Society for the Preven- 
 tion of Cruelty to Children.
 
 ' FEARS AND SORROWS. 187 
 
 Surely if there is one time that a child should hear 
 only kind, quieting words, it is when it is about to 
 go to bed. The last thoughts before going asleep 
 are likely to be the ones which not only determine 
 the kind of rest the child will get, but even the char- 
 acter of the child in the future. If you have kind 
 words of approval, give them now. See that, ex- 
 cept in extreme cases, the nervous child is not put 
 to bed with harshness. This hour before going to 
 bed will be remembered long after others have been 
 forgotten. If you no longer stop to give a kiss to 
 your boy or girl after he or she is in bed or ready 
 for bed, do not wonder that that child is getting to 
 think less of the blessings of home. 
 
 Parents Like; the Old Woman in the Shoe. 
 
 Some parents are like the old woman who lived 
 in a shoe, so senseless that they postpone punish- 
 ments until time for bed. Could there be any worse 
 time? The parents in the habit of doing this need 
 not wonder that the children soon drift away from 
 them. 
 
 This is not even a time for speaking of a child's 
 faults. Hold up a better example if you will, but 
 do not rebuke now for deeds that are past. 
 
 Parents should plan, if possible, to give the last 
 half hour or so to the children. Even with the 
 younger children this is the time when parents can 
 most certainly gain their confidence. At this time 
 they, and especially the older ones, will tell many
 
 188 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 things which they would not mention at any other 
 time. It is, therefore, by far the best time for par- 
 ents to have heart to heart talks with boys and girls. 
 It will be found an excellent plan not only to de- 
 vote a few minutes of quiet talk, but also to read 
 to the younger children quieting stories from the 
 Bible, or from other books containing some moral 
 lesson. Above all, the effort should be made to help 
 them to sink to sleep with pleasant thoughts. 
 
 Senseless Treatment. 
 
 The writer spoke about as above to young parents 
 who were driving their child into spasms by sense- 
 less treatment. They were raising their children by 
 rule, seemingly ignorant of the fact that every rule 
 has its exceptions, and that the nervous child must 
 have more consideration than the one of the lym- 
 phatic temperament. A child who had been scared 
 by hearing the parents talk of burglars awoke and 
 cried, "Papa, I see a burglar." What shall we say 
 of the parent who simply said, "Yes, and if you 
 don't go to sleep he will surely get you?" What 
 should be done with the parent who would leave 
 such a little child suffer in agony until she had cried 
 herself to sleep, that he might "raise by rule." That 
 child probably suffered more in one hour than the 
 father ever did in a day. Only a miracle could pre- 
 vent such treatment from resulting in developing 
 nervous trouble of some kind.
 
 * FEARS AND SORROWS. 189 
 
 The Sorrows of Children. 
 
 Thoughtless people sometimes express the belief 
 that children have no sorrows. This is a great mis- 
 take. Few adults have so many sorrows as have 
 the children. At every turn they are forbidden the 
 privilege of doing something which they wish to do. 
 
 We should remember that the sorrows of even 
 young children are felt most intensely, though they 
 do not last long. The child who loses his toy feels 
 the loss as greatly as does the man who loses a for- 
 tune. Fortunately the child soon forgets. Happy 
 the man if he can do the same. 
 
 As children grow older they become less sensi- 
 tive to little trials and learn to bear disappointments. 
 They are then better able to look more upon the 
 bright side of life ; for experience has taught 
 them that the clouds will pass away. When they 
 grow still older and have children of their own they 
 are apt to forget that, as children, they ever had any 
 sorrow. For this reason they often fail to show 
 that sympathy which they should always show. 
 
 Sometimes the lessons which the children are 
 given in school are far harder than parents or 
 teachers think. If we were compelled to sit down 
 and study a lot of Greek, without any particular 
 object in view, and, seemingly, for the mere purpose 
 of pleasing someone, we would probably rebel. 
 Children cannot look into the future. The most of 
 them have never even been told that their knowing 
 the alphabet is important ; they are simply told what
 
 igo TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 they must do. Too often neither the teacher nor 
 the parent even takes time to say, "I know this is 
 hard ; it was hard for me when I was your age ; how- 
 ever, it must be done to enable you to make any pro- 
 gress." Is it any wonder that the poor child plods 
 on sorrowfully?
 
 XXIX. 
 
 MORALS AND MANNERS. 
 
 A Most Important Duty.* 
 
 All parents must agree that the most important 
 duty of the home is the fixing of right principles of 
 character and conduct. Few will deny that a train- 
 ing in morals and manners is of greater importance 
 to the prosperity and the happiness of each child 
 than is a mere knowledge of the common branches. 
 In spite of this fact, little or no attention is given by 
 most parents to instruction in morals and manners. 
 Probably the reason for this is the fact that many 
 have not carefully considered their great importance. 
 
 Importance of Morals. 
 
 Moral acts are the most frequent, both at home 
 and away from home. Facts learned may or may 
 not be used. Moral acts are performed almost every 
 minute of the day. Yet to these many moral acts 
 we give but little attention. 
 
 Moral acts are not only the most frequent, but 
 they are also the most important. Other acts may 
 determine reputation in future years. Moral acts 
 establish character. Other acts may seem to aid 
 
 * See author's book on " Morals and Manners."
 
 192 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 success. Moral acts make certain the highest suc- 
 cess. Learning may benefit only the child. Correct 
 moral habits will be of benefit to his parents and 
 many others also. The child who has talents may 
 shine brightly. He of right morals and conduct will 
 spread sunshine on all sides. He of great intellect 
 may dazzle with his brightness, yet spread devasta- 
 tion on all sides. He of correct morals and good- 
 ness of heart will give that genial warmth which 
 comforts and blesses wherever it goes. 
 
 Moral acts are not only the most frequent and 
 most important. They are also the most difficult 
 to establish. It is comparatively easy to teach most 
 children the fundamental facts of any subject. It 
 is a far more difficult undertaking to train them to 
 do right because it is right, and to avoid the wrong 
 because it is wrong. 
 
 If moral actions are most frequent, most import- 
 ant, and most difficult to teach, surely there is good 
 reason for urging that more attention be given to 
 these subjects by every parent. 
 
 Can Morals Be Taught? 
 
 It will not do to argue that morals cannot be 
 taught except by the unconscious influence of ex- 
 ample, which is of great importance.* To know 
 what is right and wrong is a necessary condition of 
 selecting the right and rejecting the wrong. With- 
 out this knowledge there can be no moral act. The 
 
 * See author's book on " Morals and Manners."
 
 . MORALS AND MANNERS. 193 
 
 ideas of right and wrong, held by all children, and 
 by not a few grown people, are much confused. It 
 therefore seems our highest duty to see to it that 
 children are given that information which will en- 
 able them to recognize the right. Having done this 
 we should do all in our power to train them to select 
 the right because it is right. 
 
 Manners.* 
 Manners rank only second to morals as an ele- 
 ment in personality. One's manner, indeed, acts 
 more quickly than one's morals in our intercourse 
 with others, as it at once attracts or repels. It is 
 most unfortunate if a good and trustworthy child 
 has rude manners. Success in life will be hindered 
 by these grave faults, even when all the underlying 
 qualities are noble. We must teach our children 
 that attention to the rules that make the daily road 
 of life pleasanter to travel, and obedience to the 
 social code which regulates our intercourse with 
 others, give an attractiveness that frequently out- 
 ranks talent or knowledge. 
 
 The Value of Courtesy. 
 All parents should note that in many otherwise 
 finely trained and developed characters, the sturdy 
 traits of which we thoroughly respect, we find lack- 
 ing a most important quality. We may honor such 
 people for their scrupulous integrity and crystalline 
 truthfulness, their industry and perseverance, their 
 
 See author's book on " Morals and Manners or Elements of Character an^ 
 Conduct.'
 
 194 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 accuracy in details, their energy and foresight. Yet 
 when they deal with others most of them do not suc- 
 ceed well because their manner is harsh and rude. 
 There is no graciousness in their bearing, no genial- 
 ity in their greeting. Their speech is curt and often 
 offensive. In short, courtesy is lacking ; they "have 
 no manners." 
 
 What Must Be Taught. 
 
 This side of character and conduct is one we must 
 not neglect in the training of our children. We 
 should lead them to see that it is the part of benevo- 
 lence and kindness to make all intercourse with 
 others as pleasant as possible. No right-minded 
 person will willingly add to the hatefulness and mis- 
 ery that already exist in the world. Let them un- 
 derstand that this is what many are guilty of when 
 they say or do things that hurt the feelings of others, 
 or when they fail to exhibit a kindly interest in 
 others' welfare. 
 
 Teach them that there is a way of performing 
 every action which makes it of much greater worth ; 
 that a service rendered in a churlish manner always 
 carries with it a sting to the recipient; that a con- 
 descending manner in the rich or influential person 
 toward his inferior is deservedly resented; that to 
 be gruff and surly is not a mark of honesty, but 
 simply indicates a boorish ill-breeding; that no self- 
 respecting person will be otherwise than courteous 
 to all whom he meets ; that he will be neither inso-
 
 MORALS AND MANNERS. 195 
 
 lent nor cringing to his superiors ; that he will not 
 be over- familiar with his equals ; that he will not 
 be condescending or contemptuous toward his in- 
 feriors ; that to do any of these things would be 
 to proclaim his own lack of self-respect, and to 
 show a serious mental and moral defect. 
 
 Manners Indicative of Character. 
 
 Children should early be trained to know that one 
 of the most trustworthy tests of character is man- 
 ners. Is it not true that without knowing a person, 
 without even speaking to him, we may pretty fairly 
 estimate his qualities and moral development by 
 watching his intercourse with others? Kindness 
 and sympathy cannot help revealing their presence ; 
 heartiness, manliness, uprightness, honesty, may be 
 discovered in his bearing if present in his nature. 
 
 A Sign of the Soul's Nature. 
 
 Truly, manner is the outward sign of the soul's 
 nature. It is always unconsciously betraying our 
 deficiencies or revealing our better traits. We can- 
 not get away from it. We cannot falsify or pre- 
 tend to be what we are not, for the deceitfulness is 
 also revealed in our manner. The keen observer 
 will detect the sham, and recognize the real qualities 
 beneath the exterior. 
 
 Early let the child learn that courtesy is not some- 
 thing artificial ; that it springs from the heart ; that 
 it is an expression of thoughtfulness for others ;
 
 i 9 6 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 that it is doing to them as we would de done by; 
 that at its foundation lie the great moral qualities 
 of kindness and self-respect. 
 
 Courtesy a Refining Influence. 
 
 Among other truths which we should strive to 
 teach our children the following may be mentioned : 
 
 Nothing will so refine the character as the prac- 
 tice of courtesy. Like mercy, "it blesseth him that 
 gives and him that takes." Whoever aims to be 
 truly courteous will have constantly before him a 
 lofty ideal of conduct, a standard of perfection that 
 cannot help but lift him in his attempt to attain to it. 
 
 Nothing, either, will afford so much protection as 
 courtesy. No one can insult a perfectly courteous 
 person. Rudeness vanishes from his presence. 
 
 The Outward Expression of Courtesy. 
 
 Manners, the outward expression of courtesy, are 
 sometimes called the "minor morals"; yet such is 
 their importance in daily life that we cannot class 
 them as minor matters. 
 
 Parents should remember that good manners are 
 rooted in courtesy, which we have seen is an essen- 
 tial element in a fine character. So desirable are 
 good manners, so pleasing to others, and so con- 
 ducive to success, that those of defective and even 
 thoroughly bad characters strive to imitate them in 
 order to pass among worthy people and to keep a 
 place in society.
 
 MORALS AND MANNERS. 19; 
 
 Manners are the bodily expression of inbred deli- 
 cacy or coarseness, good breeding or vulgarity, 
 truth or deceit. Good manners are really right 
 habits of mind and body, working harmoniously. 
 They are far more attractive than mere beauty. 
 
 The Value of Manners. 
 
 The value of good manners can scarcely be over- 
 estimated. Life is far more agreeable if all are 
 considerate, and obey the forms of politeness in their 
 actions and speech. Peace, serenity and restfulness 
 should prevail in every home. The gentle manners 
 that help to maintain such an atmosphere are well 
 worth the self-restraint they will impose on our ir- 
 ritability and selfishness. 
 
 In society good manners are the passport to all 
 hearts. Brightness and gracefulness, cheerfulness 
 and good-will are essential in all social intercourse. 
 The presence or absence of these qualities depends 
 on whether or not we obey the rules that the social 
 code has laid down for our guidance. 
 
 Gentle manners bring to their possessor an influ- 
 ence which, though quietly exerted, is a power for 
 usefulness in the world. In business all transac- 
 tions are helped by politeness. Many fail in life 
 because their manner does not make a good impres- 
 sion ; because their curtness and lack of good-breed- 
 ing repel others. 
 
 How to Acquire Good Manners. 
 Good manners, like any other accomplishment,
 
 198 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 are acquired by study, by observation, by imitation 
 of the best models, by steady practice. The fine 
 spirit of courtesy is caught largely from association 
 with those whose ideals are noble. 
 
 If such inspiration is lacking in our environment 
 we can always find it held before us in the great 
 works of literature, the storehouse of ideals, and 
 can strive to make our lives and those of our chil- 
 dren measure up to the standards presented to us. 
 By study and care defects may be corrected and de- 
 ficiencies supplied. 
 
 Happy are those children whose natural endow- 
 ment and early training have made them courteous 
 in spirit, delicate in tact, refined in taste, composed 
 in manner, whose behavior is always appropriate, 
 whose words and deeds in daily life add to the pleas- 
 ure of themselves and others. 
 
 The bodily graces that mark the external manners, 
 and that, of course, depends upon practice for their 
 perfection, are beautiful and desirable. Yet they 
 are not so important as the qualities of truthfulness, 
 of courage, of self-control, of gentleness, of forbear- 
 ance, of kindliness and consideration for others. 
 Those who have these qualities may enter any so- 
 ciety unabashed ; they may stand, as did Franklin, 
 before kings, and be revered as he was by nobles 
 and princes.
 
 XXX. 
 
 TRAINING IN THE USE OF MONEY. 
 The Usual Method. 
 
 The plan which most parents follow in the giv- 
 ing of money to their children is to have no system 
 at all. While it will generally be acknowledged that 
 this is not best, yet most plans of which parents 
 know are so cumbersome that it seems impossible 
 for busy parents to find time to carry into practical 
 use any plans so complicated and requiring so much 
 time and thought. 
 
 Some parents feel that no child should be given 
 any money at any time. This will certainly be the 
 easiest way for parents ; for if children know they 
 will never receive any money, they will not bother 
 their parents for it. They will probably worry 
 them, however, by their demands for other rewards 
 just as often. It is just possible that these rewards 
 will be harder to grant and less valuable than money 
 as an educational factor. 
 
 Objection to the Usual Method. 
 
 Against the custom of having no method may be 
 urged certain objections which every parent should 
 thoughtfully consider. It tends to train a child to
 
 200 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 obtain desired money by teasing if not by dishonesty. 
 It is apt to blunt his feelings of delicacy and give 
 him the feeling of servility. The money being re- 
 ceived at uncertain times is sure to be spent without 
 careful consideration of its use or value. Under 
 such a plan, the boy has no reason for taking care 
 of his money, as he is likely to have more at any 
 time. As he receives it unexpectedly, he has no 
 time to make any plans or to arrive at any conclu- 
 sions after deliberate judgment. There is no rea- 
 son to practise self-denial, as he may have more to 
 spend to-morrow. If he especially desires more he 
 knows he will have a good chance to secure it by 
 persistent teasing, if not by some worse means. 
 
 Advantage; op a Regular Allowance. 
 
 Some parents wisely insist that the better way is 
 to make a regular allowance to each child, no mat- 
 ter how large or how small the allowance may be. 
 Almost every parent does give some money to each 
 child. This plan simply requires that it be given 
 regularly and in a business-like way. Surely such 
 a plan has some advantages worth considering. 
 
 By giving a regular allowance the child may be 
 taught the right use of money, than which few 
 things are more important for the child's future 
 happiness. Much of the misery in this life is the 
 result, not so much of the lack of money as of its 
 improper and improvident use. How many never 
 learn to live within their income ! How few early
 
 THE USE OF MONEY. 201 
 
 realize the importance of laying aside something for 
 the inevitable rainy day! Is not the whole path- 
 way of life thickly strewn with the wrecks caused 
 by not having learned the necessity of spending less 
 than the income? 
 
 The child who knows he will have a certain al- 
 lowance will soon develop such practical wisdom, 
 forethought, economy and business judgment as 
 will greatly surprise his parents. He will be 
 strongly influenced to be careful of his money, as he 
 will learn that it will not be replaced until a certain 
 time. 
 
 Teach children the right use of money and you 
 will have done much to make the men and the 
 women of the future less liable to become loafers, 
 paupers and criminals. You will have done much 
 to teach them economy, not only of money, but of 
 time and of energy as well. You will have taught 
 them to be thrifty and orderly in all business and 
 prepared for adversity. If these things are true, is 
 not the subject worthy of most careful consideration 
 by every parent? 
 
 Objections to Regular Allowance. 
 
 The principal objection to the giving of a regular 
 allowance is found in the fact that children are likely 
 to feel that they are given only that which is due 
 them. While there is some truth in this argument, 
 yet it may easily be met by having it understood that 
 the allowance is dependent on such conduct as the
 
 202 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 parents have a right to expect. It may thus be used 
 as a strong incentive to proper conduct. 
 
 Another objection which may be urged is that 
 if the parents give regularly they lose the great 
 pleasure which comes from the child's grateful ap- 
 preciation of what he receives unexpectedly. How- 
 ever, this objection may be met quite easily also. 
 At uncertain times the parent may very properly 
 give additional money for exceptional acts worthy 
 of praise, or for work done, or for no reason what- 
 ever except the desire to show a loving considera- 
 tion of the wishes of the child. There are many 
 times when every child will be very anxious to have 
 certain things which could not be purchased by 
 what could be saved from the regular allowance. If 
 the parent approve the purchase, there is every rea- 
 son for giving a child additional at such times. 
 
 Even if these objections could not so easily be 
 met, most parents would agree that the benefits to 
 be derived from a regular allowance are greater 
 than the selfish gratification of the parent, who 
 wishes to give to please himself. Surely the future 
 welfare of the child is of greater importance than 
 the present gratification of the parent. 
 
 How Much Money Should Children Be Given ? 
 
 Many parents who are disposed to give a regular 
 allowance to their children have not done so for 
 the reason that they cannot decide what would be 
 a proper amount to give them. This is a question
 
 THE USE OF MONEY. 203 
 
 which parents must decide for themselves. How- 
 ever, it should not be forgotten that, other things 
 being equal, the smaller the amount the better for 
 the child. Too many children have been trained 
 by their parents to become spendthrifts long before 
 they have left the parental roof. The children of 
 some parents will need more than the children of 
 others. Five cents each week will seem more to 
 some children than would five dollars to others. In 
 most cases the first-mentioned amount would be 
 far better than the larger amount ; however, the age 
 and the proper demands upon the child and other 
 considerations must determine the amount to be 
 allowed. 
 
 One Practical Method. 
 
 In the hope of helping those considering the mat- 
 ter the writer gives the details of a plan used with 
 his own children. 
 
 Each child was provided with a pocket-book or 
 small bank, for the care of which each was made 
 entirely responsible, that he might learn to guard 
 against the results of carelessness. 
 
 On Monday evenings a certain amount of money 
 was given to each child. The effort was made to 
 pay promptly and systematically. Only in this 
 way could the children learn to be regular and sys- 
 tematic. 
 
 Each one was required to save at least one-half 
 of his weekly allowance. In this way it was hoped
 
 204 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 that the children might be taught habits of economy 
 and of providing for the future. 
 
 The other one-half was entirely at the disposal 
 of each child. This was done that he might learn 
 to exercise judgment in the expenditure of money. 
 The only supervision of this amount was such as 
 was necessary to prevent it being used for what 
 might be injurious to their health. Certain kinds 
 of candy were the only articles which they were not 
 allowed to buy. Six per cent, interest was paid 
 upon all in their possession at the end of each 
 month. This encouraged them to save a part of 
 that which they were permitted to spend. They 
 also thus learned quite early the meaning of interest 
 as well as the method of paying it. 
 
 The money saved could be expended only for 
 such things as the parent approved. In this way 
 they were taught to rely to a considerable extent 
 upon themselves, and yet were governed by the 
 parents' judgment until they proved their ability 
 to decide wisely for themselves. 
 
 In case either one wished to buy anything which 
 required the expenditure of more money than the 
 amount at his command, the matter was brought 
 to the attention of the parent. If the parent ap- 
 proved, sufficient money was advanced, and a mort- 
 gage on the article was given by the child. 
 
 As the child's age increased the amount of money 
 was increased, and the responsibility of buying cer- 
 tain articles of clothing was thrown upon each. By
 
 THE USE OF MONEY. 205 
 
 the time the child reached the age of fourteen years 
 it was found that, after consultation with the par- 
 ent, it was perfectly safe to allow him to purchase 
 many of his own clothes. Where there was any 
 doubt about the advisability of leaving the child 
 entirely free, the parent accompanied the child for 
 the purpose of giving such advice as was needed. 
 From the time they were eight years old they were 
 permitted to buy small articles of dress, with no 
 one to suggest what should be selected. 
 
 A Plan for Older Children. 
 
 As the children got older it was found quite sat- 
 isfactory to change slightly the method outlined 
 above. In place of giving all the money to the 
 children the parent kept an account with each one. 
 Each was credited with a certain amount weekly. 
 Against this amount to their credit they could draw 
 at any time, as in the previous method suggested. 
 When the amount reached five dollars it was de- 
 posited in a savings bank, and each was allowed 
 to have entire charge of his own account. 
 
 While many would change the plan to suit their 
 own ideas, it is believed that some such plan as the 
 one mentioned might well be adopted by the ma- 
 jority of the parents.
 
 XXXI. 
 
 HOME BEHAVIOR. 
 
 Manners Become Fixed. 
 
 The home life is so important in the training of 
 children, — its influences are so strong in forming 
 their habits and manners, — that especial attention 
 should be given to the cultivation of the social 
 graces within its precincts. What is done by chil- 
 dren in their homes will be done elsewhere by them. 
 The practices permitted in the freedom of family 
 life are rarely changed in mature years. Hence 
 there should be the greatest care that gentle man- 
 ners and a due regard for ceremony should prevail. 
 Good-breeding thus becomes a part of the nature 
 of each; they in their turn become influential for 
 good in their association with others. Thus a beau- 
 tiful family life, where gentleness and politeness 
 are the rule, extends its graciousness in an ever- 
 widening circle. 
 
 Courtesy to Parents, Brothers, Sisters. 
 
 Children should early learn that the rules gov- 
 erning the behavior of the members of the family 
 to one another are based upon mutual duties. The 
 parents have certain obligations to their children.
 
 HOME BEHAVIOR. 207 
 
 The children have toward their parents certain du- 
 ties based on gratitude, on love, on filial respect. 
 Brothers and sisters have mutual duties based on 
 their relationship and natural affection for one an- 
 other, on a common interest in the family welfare 
 and on proper family pride, which even the poorest 
 should feel. 
 
 The family may also contain other relatives ; ser- 
 vants may be kept; guests may partake of its hos- 
 pitality. All of these must get along smoothly to- 
 gether, for home loses all claim to that name if 
 crossness is shown, if quarrels are frequent. The 
 wheels of the domestic machinery will move more 
 easily if politeness constantly lubricates it. 
 
 Politeness Not for Strangers Exclusively. 
 
 Children should never fail to show their mother 
 and sisters the same courtesy they would show to 
 any other ladies. A boy should early be taught to 
 lift his hat to them in meeting them on the street 
 or in parting company with them. He should rise 
 when they enter the room, and see that they are 
 comfortably seated. He should always allow them 
 to precede him. He should assist them in and out 
 of cars ; he should carry their parcels, and escort 
 them when they wish it. In short, he should be 
 chivalrous in his home life. No boy who is rude 
 to his nearest relatives, or neglectful of them, who 
 is not solicitous for their comfort and pleasure, has 
 a right to be called a gentleman.
 
 208 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 The sister, in her turn, should be taught to treat 
 her brother with an affectionate courtesy. She 
 should never fail to acknowledge his kindness. She 
 should do for him anything in her power which he 
 may need done. 
 
 Train your children to be courteous to servants 
 and you will probably not be deprived of their ser- 
 vices when most needed. 
 
 If you permit them to run to the door when some 
 callers come, you need not be surprised if they 
 show curiosity at times when you will be greatly 
 mortified. It is surprising how often parents per- 
 mit children to monopolize the conversation. Let 
 them early learn to be good listeners. See that they 
 never fail to put into their proper places articles they 
 have been using, or clothing they have been wear- 
 ing. The whole machinery of the household may 
 be disarranged by carelessness in this respect. To 
 a systematic, tidy housekeeper nothing is more vex- 
 atious, nothing more wasteful of time, and often of 
 money, than this fault. It is just as easy to train 
 them properly in this as in other matters. 
 
 Behavior at Table. 
 
 In no one thing is good or bad breeding more 
 quickly seen that in one's manners at table. It is 
 especially noticeable, because people are there 
 brought into such close contact with one another. 
 A few hints for table behavior are given in the hope 
 that they may be suggestive.
 
 HOME BEHAVIOR. 209 
 
 The well-bred person will not sit too far from 
 the table, nor too close to it, nor sidewise, nor on 
 the edge of his chair. He will never tilt his chair. 
 He will not finger or play with the knives, spoons, 
 or other articles on the table. He will not put his 
 elbows on the table, nor stick them out in using his 
 knife and fork, nor bend his elbow in eating so 
 as to bring his arm around at right angles to his 
 mouth. 
 
 Unless quite young he will put his napkin on his 
 lap, and not use it as a bib. He will use his knife 
 only in cutting his food. He will not use his own 
 knife, or fork, or spoon, to help himself to articles 
 of food. He will not secure a piece of bread by 
 stabbing it with a fork. He will break, not cut, his 
 slices of bread, or his biscuits. He will break off 
 little pieces of bread before buttering and eating 
 them, and not try to eat from a whole slice after 
 he has passed the age of infancy. He will not 
 clutch his bread, animal fashion, by as many fingers 
 as possible. 
 
 He will cut his food as it is needed, not all at 
 once. He will reject bits of bone, or other refuse, 
 by the aid of his fork. 
 
 He will take soup noiselessly from the side of the 
 spoon, not the tip. He will use the teaspoon to 
 stir -the contents of his cup, and will never drink 
 noisily, or from his saucer. He will never turn a 
 glass or cup over on his nose in order to drain the
 
 210 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 last drop. He will never gaze around while drink- 
 ing. 
 
 He will never "reach and stretch" after articles 
 on the table. He will ask politely to have them 
 passed. He will ask the servant, if one be in at- 
 tendance, and not bother his neighbor. He will 
 never talk across his neighbor, or pass things across 
 another's plate. He will never appear to be greedy, 
 or eager about his supply of food. He will never 
 find fault with it. 
 
 He will never put much into his mouth at once. 
 He will eat slowly, and will refrain from drinking 
 much while he is eating. He will not talk or laugh 
 with food in his mouth. He knows that obedience 
 to these rules will save disagreeable exhibitions of 
 choking, and will prevent dyspepsia. 
 
 He will eat leisurely, that the meal may be a 
 more healthful one for his interior organs, and that 
 samples of food may not remain on his exterior, or 
 on the table linen, as reminders of his awkwardness. 
 
 He will chew his food with his lips closed, for 
 he knows that mastication is the first step in diges- 
 tion, and that the sight of the process should be 
 concealed. 
 
 Those who are well-bred unconsciously teach the 
 right way by their example, and the wise will learn 
 from them what to do in case of doubt; while the 
 faults of an ill-bred, untidy, hasty eater are often 
 an effective lesson in good-breeding, owing to the
 
 HOME BEHAVIOR. 211 
 
 disgust they inspire in one desirous of behaving 
 properly. 
 
 What Shaee Children Eat? 
 
 Children can and should be taught to eat what- 
 ever is best for them. Any child may easily be 
 trained to eat, not only any wholesome food, but 
 any injurious food as well. In this, as in so many 
 other matters, parents must bear the responsibility 
 of training in right habits. 
 
 A great many parents hesitate about insisting 
 upon their children eating those things which they 
 know are best for them. They naturally think that 
 it is as hard for the children to eat what is not de- 
 sired as it would be for the parents. Such is not 
 the case. The parents prefer those things which 
 they have learned to like. The children are form- 
 ing habits. The habits of the parents are already 
 firmly fixed. 
 
 Children in every part of the world quickly learn 
 to eat whatever they have to. It makes but little 
 difference whether that be oil, blubber, fruit, ber- 
 ries, meat, or something of all these. Why, then, 
 should we hesitate to train them to eat what is best 
 for them? 
 
 Training the Appetite. 
 
 Is it not true that the most of us have never given 
 much thought to the importance of training a child's 
 appetite? Yet does not the health of each largely 
 depend upon the eating of what is best?
 
 212 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 It is far better that each child should learn to eat 
 whatever wholesome food has been prepared for 
 the rest of the family. The exceptions to this rule 
 would only need to be made at a time when the deli- 
 cate health of the child made such exception advis- 
 able. 
 
 Parents should guard carefully against giving a 
 child anything to eat a short time before the regular 
 meals. If they do so, it is only natural to expect 
 that the child will not be hungry when he should 
 eat and will want to eat when he should not eat. 
 
 Table Talk. 
 
 The time at the table should be spent not only for 
 supplying food to the body, but also for the higher 
 enjoyments which come from intellectual and moral 
 improvement. Those who consider it merely a 
 place to get something to eat meet upon the same 
 level as the lower animals. 
 
 Let us agree, then, that the table is not merely a 
 feeding place for the family. Neither is it a place 
 to review all the unpleasantness which has arisen 
 since the last meal. Considered as such it is not 
 only a great injury to the moral and intellectual 
 welfare of all, but it also makes impossible the se- 
 curing of the best results from the food taken. 
 
 A Time; for Relaxation. 
 Except where the habit has become fixed to the 
 contrary, the time for coming to the table is a period 
 of greater freedom from worry than any other dur-
 
 HOME BEHAVIOR. 213 
 
 ing the day. At this time those things of particu- 
 lar interest to each are laid aside and those matters 
 of general interest to all are more likely to be con- 
 sidered. For this reason there is likely to be greater 
 relaxation from other matters and the time is op- 
 portune for the discussion of things which should 
 be of interest to all. 
 
 Useful Knowledge. 
 
 If a systematic attempt is made to impart useful 
 knowledge it is wonderful how much can be ac- 
 complished during the time which would otherwise 
 be spent in unpleasant bickerings or worse than use- 
 less gossip. 
 
 At this time all should feel perfectly free to ask 
 any kind of questions so long as the answers do 
 not involve any unpleasantness for anyone. In this 
 way the instruction can be made stimulating and 
 beneficial. Only in this way can the table be made 
 the moral, intellectual and physical centre of the 
 home, as it should be. 
 
 Table talk should be such as to be of interest to 
 as many as possible. Too many parents are dis- 
 posed to do all the talking for their own benefit and 
 to speak to the child only when it is necessary to 
 compel quiet. 
 
 Subjects to Be Avoided. 
 
 Among the subjects to be avoided are quite a 
 number which it is feared many make the burden
 
 214 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 of most of their table talk. As before stated, it is 
 no time to speak of unpleasant matters. This is 
 but a brief way of saying there is no time for com- 
 plaining of the cooking or of any other matter 
 which is not satisfactory. 
 
 Should Children Be at Table With Their 
 
 Parents ? 
 
 From what has already been said, it will be ap- 
 parent that there are unusually good reasons why 
 children should sit at table with their parents. In 
 some countries children are not permitted to do so. 
 To the credit of our own country be it said that but 
 few parents deprive their children of the great bene- 
 fits which come from the enjoyment of this privi- 
 lege. 
 
 There may be times when it will not be best for 
 children to be at the table with parents and their 
 guests. There may be times when certain children 
 should not be permitted to enjoy the company of 
 the rest at the table; as, for example, when they 
 have shown by their actions that they do not ap- 
 preciate the advantage. However, these are but 
 exceptions to the general rule.
 
 XXXII. 
 
 BEHAVIOR OF CHILDREN WHEN AWAY 
 FROM HOME. 
 
 Home Training Apparent. 
 
 Wherever children are thrown into contact with 
 the public, whether on the street, in traveling, in 
 churches or in places of amusement, good-breeding 
 has a wide opportunity to speak well for the home 
 influences which have surrounded them. Bad taste, 
 coarseness and vulgarity have ample scope for ex- 
 hibition, and for proclaiming one's standards, asso- 
 ciations and family training. 
 
 All are judged in public entirely by their ap- 
 pearance and actions. Many people who see chil- 
 dren have no time to inquire into the standing of 
 the family, and to make excuses for thoughtlessness. 
 They grade them at first sight, and parents owe it 
 to themselves to see that their children behave ap- 
 propriately everywhere, no matter how far they 
 may be from home. 
 
 Many young people who are carefully trained 
 at home, and who conduct themselves with tolerable 
 propriety under the parental eye, are very careless 
 about their behavior when unaccompanied by their 
 elders on the street or in public places. They 
 thereby cause much criticism on their own charac-
 
 216 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 ter, and many unkind comments concerning their 
 parents. 
 
 Children should early learn that good taste and 
 good sense require that a high standard of conduct 
 should be maintained with special strictness in pub- 
 lic. They should be taught that no well-bred peo- 
 ple wish the attention of strangers called to them ; 
 that to make one's self as inconspicuous as possible 
 is the general rule of conduct outside of the home. 
 Many of the following special rules are intended 
 to secure this result. 
 
 Attracting Attention On the Street. 
 
 See that your children know that all showy or 
 gaudy dress is in bad taste on the street, because it 
 attracts notice. Quiet colors should be used ; ex- 
 treme fashions should be avoided. 
 
 Have them understand that noisy talking and 
 laughing, indulgence in rough sport, are rude 
 anywhere. They are especially so on the street 
 or in public conveyances. Young people are often 
 thoughtlessly noisy on their way to and from school. 
 They take up more than their share of the pave- 
 ment, crowding and pushing others, or block the 
 way at street corners while trying to bid one an- 
 other adieu. By their bad manners they bring on 
 themselves, their family and their school, an amount 
 of blame that can easily be avoided. 
 
 Other actions, awkward in themselves, and draw- 
 ing unpleasant notice, are such tricks as eating or
 
 BEHAVIOR AWAY FROM HOME. 217 
 
 chewing gum in public, pointing at objects, turn- 
 ing around to gaze at people, or staring at them, 
 or staring in at private windows. See that your 
 children are told that these last faults are not only 
 awkward and noticeable, but are signs of a vulgar 
 curiosity that is never felt by a well-bred person. 
 
 Greeting Acquaintances. 
 
 Another group of rules concerns the greetings 
 they may give to those whom they meet. Much of 
 character is revealed by the way in which they 
 salute or speak to others. The little act of respect 
 shown in taking off the hat may tell volumes about 
 their natural tact and bringing up. It would be 
 well if all children would learn to greet acquaint- 
 ances courteously, to take off the hat properly, and 
 on the proper occasions to address strangers, when 
 necessary, in a polite manner, to give information 
 cheerfully and to help gladly anyone who may need 
 assistance. The hat is taken off, not poked at with 
 a finger. 
 
 Children should be told that friends and acquaint- 
 ances are never greeted by a courteous person with 
 the rude "Hello," so common among our youth. 
 
 The name of the person greeted is always spoken. 
 The tone is always pleasant, never surly or conde- 
 scending. A gentlemanly boy will raise his hat in 
 bowing to ladies and to elderly men; to any friend 
 recognized by the lady whom he may be accom- 
 panying; to any acquaintance who is in the com-
 
 218 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 pany of ladies ; when a gentleman with you salutes 
 a lady ; when he is with a lady and salutes a gen- 
 tleman whom he knows ; when he helps in any way 
 a lady who is a stranger ; when he parts company 
 with a lady. 
 
 Manners in Traveling. 
 
 Instruct your children that in traveling conduct 
 should be marked by quietness and unselfishness. 
 All travel brings discomfort without the added an- 
 noyance of noisy and rude fellow-passengers, or the 
 trouble caused by those who selfishly disregard the 
 rights of others. Public conveyances and stations 
 are not the places for loud talking, for the discus- 
 sion of private affairs, for the display of fine clothes, 
 or for continual eating. 
 
 See that they are made to understand that one 
 of the worst vexations of travel is the selfishness 
 often shown. No one has a right to dispose of his 
 wraps and luggage so that they are in the way of 
 others, nor to occupy more than the seat paid for, 
 when others need accommodation. Neither should 
 he open windows when a dangerous draught or a 
 shower of cinders for his neighbor will be the re- 
 sult, nor spread a newspaper before his neighbor's 
 face, nor wriggle and flounce around continually to 
 others' discomfort. 
 
 A thoughtful, kind-hearted person can do much 
 to make a journey less wearisome to others, and to 
 increase their comfort without being officious. He
 
 BEHAVIOR AWAY FROM HOME. 219 
 
 can help ladies with parcels or can turn seats for 
 them, or pull down blinds, or assist those unaccus- 
 tomed to traveling. He can do all this in a tactful 
 manner, and without in any case trying to make the 
 acquaintance of those whom he helps, or to be 
 familiar with them. 
 
 He, — or she, rather, in this case, — can have the 
 ticket ready for the conductor without the delay 
 often noticed. The well-bred person will never 
 crowd past others, or be in a hurry, which always 
 implies confusion, and often results in accidents, 
 mistakes, or loss. He will, too, keep his seat till 
 the train stops, and leave it more safely and grace- 
 fully. 
 
 Manners in Church. 
 
 At a service in church we should scarcely expect 
 to see bad manners, as we should suppose that the 
 sacredness of the place and the solemnity inspired 
 by its associations would be sufficient to guarantee 
 correct behavior. Yet any observant attendant at 
 church will notice many things in children which 
 betray great thoughtlessness, a lack of a sense of 
 propriety, and a want of the reverence that should 
 be a trait in every well-formed character. Many 
 of these faults are due to carelessness, many to ig- 
 norance, and their correction should be insisted upon 
 by all parents. 
 
 See that they understand that it is bad manners 
 to come to church late ; it disturbs others and at-
 
 220 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 tracts notice. It can generally be avoided. It is 
 commonly the same people that walk in late Sunday 
 after Sunday. The habit shows a disregard for 
 others' rights that is inexcusable. Tell them that 
 in the rare cases when late attendance is unavoida- 
 ble a back seat should be quietly taken, and any 
 further progress up the aisle made when the con- 
 gregation stands up. 
 
 Do not fail to teach them that showy and over- 
 rich garments should not be worn to church. They 
 are out of keeping with the object of the service; 
 and they attract notice, and sometimes quite dis- 
 tract the attention of others. Plain dressing is in 
 better taste, even for those who can afford expen- 
 sive clothes ; and the poor will not be kept from at- 
 tendance by too sharp a contrast between their gar- 
 ments and those of their wealthier neighbors. 
 
 Explain that no gaping around to see who are 
 in seats further back, or who are entering, should 
 be indulged in. If the culprits in this respect could 
 see the ridiculous and "gawky" effect of their 
 twisted necks perhaps vanity would stop the ill-bred 
 practice. 
 
 See that they are told that no whispering or 
 laughing in church is permissible. Nothing is more 
 irreverent than this; nothing so disturbs the wor- 
 shipers; nothing so deserves instant rebuke from 
 the officiating clergyman. 
 
 Of course, no right-minded child will wear his 
 hat inside of a church door, or scribble in books in
 
 BEHAVIOR AWAY FROM HOME. 221 
 
 the pews ; yet occasional offenses in these respects 
 call for a word of protest and caution. No well- 
 bred person will lounge in church, or yawn, or be 
 inattentive. He will, so far as he can, follow the 
 forms of the service, and take part where it is 
 proper to do so. He will, of course, not laugh at 
 anything said or done, even if the form of worship 
 be unfamiliar to him, or the ceremonies incompre- 
 hensible. 
 
 He will not be guilty of the "bad form" shown 
 in slamming books into racks, instead of gently slip- 
 ping them in ; or in making preparations for depar- 
 ture while the minister is concluding the service. 
 He will remember, too, on the way out that the 
 church is not the place for social calls. Reverence 
 requires that he should pass out quietly. 
 
 Manners in Places of Amusement. 
 
 Children should learn that in places of amuse- 
 ment bad manners are an infringement on the rights 
 of others who have come for pleasure, and have 
 paid for their entertainment. No one has any busi- 
 ness to come late to a play, or a concert, or a lecture. 
 It breaks in upon the performance, and disturbs per- 
 formers and audience alike. If one must be late, 
 he should stand until the musical selection is fin- 
 ished, or until the scene is ended, and then go to 
 his seat with as little inconvenience to others as 
 possible.
 
 222 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 Who Shall, Do the Talking. 
 
 Children should be told that talking during the 
 performance is intolerable, as it distracts attention 
 and deprives others of pleasure. Expressions of 
 impatience at delays are like such expressions every- 
 where, — ill-bred. Composure and patience mark 
 the gentleman and lady under all circumstances. 
 Applause should be given whatever meets with ap- 
 proval. It is right and proper to give such a tribute 
 to skill and artistic merit ; but a demonstration with 
 the feet is unnecessary and rude. 
 
 One should stay until the close of the entertain- 
 ment, even if it has proved tiresome, unless some 
 imperative reason exists why one should leave early. 
 At the present time hats are generally removed by 
 ladies and girls at public entertainments, so that the 
 woman or girl who keeps her head-covering on is 
 rather conspicuous than otherwise, and may ob- 
 struct the view of those behind her. 
 
 Finally, teach your children that no rules can pro- 
 vide for every variety of circumstances that may 
 come into their experience as they meet and deal 
 with others ; but the possession of good sense, good 
 taste and an unselfish spirit will show them what 
 to do in each case. If their behavior is guided by 
 these they may be sure that it will be appropriate.
 
 XXXIII. 
 
 TRAINING OF BODY AND MIND. 
 
 The Body. 
 
 Many parents are apt to forget that a child has 
 a body. This body has organs. In this particular 
 it differs from unorganized bodies. The young 
 child seems to be a mere animal. Its body differs 
 from that of the vegetable not only in composition, 
 but in method of nutrition, in having sensation, and 
 in being able to move from place to place. But the 
 child is more than a mere animal. In body it dif- 
 fers from other animals by having two hands, two 
 feet, a chin, by being able to stand erect, and in that 
 it has a higher type of brain. 
 
 The Mind. 
 
 The brain is the organ of mind. A child's brain 
 differs from that of other animals in such a way as 
 to give entirely different results, both mental and 
 moral. Because of these differences the child is 
 able to improve. This ability to improve makes 
 possible the improvement of the race. The bee of 
 to-day builds as did the first bee. How different 
 the work of man now from what it was at the be- 
 ginning !
 
 224 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 A Child's Body. 
 
 By differences mentioned we are able to separate 
 the child from all other animals. We also have 
 seen that a child is what it is because of its pecu- 
 liarities of mind and body. Consideration of both 
 is important, that more importance may be attached 
 to the development of the right kind of bodies and 
 better minds. 
 
 Knowledge of Physiology. 
 
 A parent needs to know but little of anatomy, as 
 it is a mere description of different parts of the 
 body. Physiology tells us the use of each part. 
 Hygiene gives information as to the proper care of 
 the different parts. Every parent should under- 
 stand the important facts concerning the existence 
 and care of the different organs. This is especially 
 important with such as the digestive, the bony, the 
 circulatory, the nervous, the muscular, and with the 
 provisions made for purifying the blood by breath- 
 ing. A careful study of these will prove interest- 
 ing knowledge for every parent. Any schoolbook 
 on physiology and hygiene will give all the infor- 
 mation needed. 
 
 Making a Good Animal. 
 
 It is very important, then, that having realized 
 that the child is an animal with certain advantages 
 over other animals, the parent should strive to make 
 the child a strong animal. But little will ever be
 
 BODY AND MIND. 225 
 
 accomplished by most children unless care is taken 
 to provide them with strong bodies. To do this 
 parents will need give attention to a number of im- 
 portant matters. 
 
 How to Produce; Strong Bodies. 
 
 Parents should consider well quantity, quality 
 and variety of food for children. All needs should 
 be determined by the age of the child, as well as 
 by the time of taking, and the climate. Some foods 
 are always useful. Others should never be taken, 
 save in cold weather. Milk, lean flesh and the 
 whole wheat are those which will sustain life long- 
 est, without change. Attention must also be given 
 to the manner of eating. Another matter which 
 parents should watch is that of drinking too much 
 at the table, as it is a habit which many children 
 have. Another important matter is the character 
 and amount of clothing which it is best for the chil- 
 dren to wear. The ventilation both day and night, 
 the importance of light, regulation of the tempera- 
 ture of the house, character and amount of exer- 
 cise, sleep required, and many similar matters are 
 things which the parents should keep in mind, and 
 try to understand. Thus they may the better help 
 their children to develop strong bodies with which 
 to fight life's battles. 
 
 Too Much Trouble. 
 Some will be ready to say that it is too much
 
 226 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 trouble to study these things for the purpose of 
 helping their children. Many are willing to spend 
 more time on how to raise better pigs, or finer dogs 
 and cats than in learning how to bring up children. 
 This seems a pretty hard statement, but, is it not 
 true? How few parents have given systematic 
 study to this most important problem! Drop into 
 the nearest library and you will find many volumes 
 devoted to the raising of dogs and similar subjects. 
 Search diligently, and it is doubtful if you will be 
 able to find a single book of practical suggestions 
 upon the management and training of children. 
 Had there been a demand for such books the coun- 
 try would have been flooded with them. Think of 
 it! More interest in developing the soulless occu- 
 pant of the pig-pen than in unfolding precious 
 human beings, made after the image of God him- 
 self, and bearing the unmistakable stamp of the 
 parents' peculiarities. 
 
 Wealth and Health. 
 
 The best wealth any parent can give a child is 
 health of mind and body. Without it life must 
 be a prolonged misery. Woe to the parent who 
 has sown seeds of disease in his unborn children. 
 There may be some little excuse for those who do 
 not look carefully after the health of those born 
 healthy. For others there can be none. 
 
 The child who starts with a strong body has a 
 hundred times as good a chance of enjoying a happy
 
 BODY AND MIND. 227 
 
 and successful life as the child who has not a 
 healthy body. There are some few notable excep- 
 tions, but they only prove the rule. Health is the 
 first and perpetual condition of success. How many 
 of those who have wealth would give it all for the 
 health enjoyed by the poorest laborer on the street! 
 The great trouble is that, like other blessings, it 
 brightens only as it takes its flight. Therefore we 
 are not apt to care for it until it is too late. 
 
 The child who wants health wants everything. 
 Give him health and moral and intellectual train- 
 ing, and you need give him nothing else. Fail to 
 give him health and you can never make up for the 
 loss. Give him health and no one will envy him 
 the happiness it brings. Give him wealth and the 
 probability is that it will not only bring no happi- 
 ness, but will bring trouble and make him envied 
 by all. To the child without health all enjoyments 
 are tasteless. To such an one no meal will be en- 
 joyed, though it be a feast. To the child who is 
 healthy every meal is a banquet. 
 
 The Boat and the Body. 
 
 Watch a noble boat glide into the water. It is as 
 strong as can possibly be built from wood and iron, 
 after the most perfect pattern. It must be strong, 
 that, for years, it may be able to hold together until 
 the last harbor is reached. Unless it is strong there 
 can be no voyage. Whether driven by wind or by 
 steam is of secondary importance. So it is with
 
 228 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 the human body. To successfully sail over life's 
 rough sea it must be strong and rugged. The 
 amount of canvas, the power of the engines, and 
 other factors will determine the rapidity of the 
 boat's progress. The energy, the enthusiasm, the 
 persistency of the individual will determine at what 
 rate he will advance. But, without the sound body, 
 neither the voyage of the boat nor that of the child 
 can be successful. 
 
 Vitality. 
 
 It may be that no one can say what vitality is. 
 Some say that it is nerve force; others that it is a 
 force fed by air and assimilation, and that it acts 
 through the nerves. Be this as it may, all must 
 agree that it is the measure of capacity for success. 
 No child can have his share of success unless he is 
 perfectly healthy. It is the glory of a child who is 
 well. As the child's success depends upon vitality, 
 so does his vitality depend upon a strong body. If 
 these things are so is it not of vast importance that 
 parents see to it that every provision is made for the 
 developing of strong bodies? 
 
 How the Mind Grows. 
 
 The mind is that in us which knows, feels and 
 wills. Therefore the training of a child's mind 
 means not only the furnishing of the mind with 
 knowledge, but it also means the culture of the feel- 
 ings and the development of the will. From earli-
 
 BODY AND MIND. 229 
 
 est childhood the mind drinks in knowledge through 
 the senses of smell, touch, taste, sight and hearing. 
 By means of the senses the child perceives that there 
 is a world outside of itself. To a limited extent the 
 child quite early remembers. Later the faculties of 
 memory, imagination, conception, judgment and 
 reasoning become active. 
 
 The Training of the Senses. 
 
 Primarily the child gains all its information 
 through the senses. If but one sense is defective 
 the child is seriously handicapped for life. Fortun- 
 ate the child that has all the senses unimpaired. 
 How difficult the education of the child that is deaf 
 or blind ! How nearly impossible the proper train- 
 ing of one who is both deaf and blind ! 
 
 The senses of smell, taste and touch are those es- 
 pecially provided for the sole purpose of defend- 
 ing, protecting and preserving the body. They are, 
 therefore, sometimes called the animal senses. The 
 senses of hearing and sight are more complex, and 
 the sensations arising from them are comparatively 
 slight, and are subordinate to the knowledge which 
 the mind of the young child gains of the objects 
 seen and heard. 
 
 By means of the sensations which a child gets 
 through the senses he gains knowledge of things 
 about him. He becomes conscious not only of 
 himself, but of objects around him. Since this is 
 so, it is well that, in the first few years, the child
 
 230 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 should be assisted in every way, that he may learn 
 to use his senses for the proper development of his 
 mind. The child whose senses are properly trained 
 will not "have eyes, but see not," and "ears, but hear 
 not."
 
 XXXIV. 
 
 THE INTELLECT AND FEELINGS. 
 
 The; Mentai, Equipment. 
 
 In the last chapter attention was called to the 
 fact that the mind is that in us which is capable of 
 knowing, feeling and willing. It was also pointed 
 out that, primarily, the child gains knowledge by 
 means of its senses. The intellect has other powers, 
 which must be considered briefly, at least, by those 
 who wish to study, understand or properly train a 
 child. These powers are memory, imagination, con- 
 ception, judgment and reasoning. 
 
 The Memory. 
 
 Unconsciously, the child who has learned to 
 know certain objects recognizes them to be the 
 same as those which he has perceived before. This 
 is an act of memory. All other faculties of the 
 mind, except memory, may be trained by persistent 
 acts of attention to their objects. Not so with the 
 wonderful faculty of memory. Its four acts of ac- 
 quiring, retaining, recalling and recognizing are 
 all entirely self-acting and unconscious. We can- 
 not by any act of the will perform any of the acts 
 of memory. It is evident that the memory also acts
 
 232 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 unconsciously, for the mind does not note that it 
 has remembered something. 
 
 Since memory is in no sense an act of the will, 
 it cannot be cultivated in the same way as other 
 faculties are cultivated. It may, however, be made 
 more accurate by frequent repetition. The young 
 child can forget what the nursing bottle looks like. 
 However, it soon remembers, because it smells, 
 tastes, touches and sees it frequently. Since images 
 once produced on the mind tend to fade, it should 
 not be forgotten that, if you want a child to remem- 
 ber anything, it is necessary that the attention be 
 focused upon the thought, and that there be much 
 repetition. Upon this will depend the distinctness 
 as well as the tenacity of memory. 
 
 How the Memory May Be Strengthened. 
 
 The child cannot be expected to remember unless 
 the mental images are frequently brought into his 
 mind. This is especially so of those things learned 
 through the sense of hearing. For this reason it is 
 necessary to tell children more frequently than older 
 people. There are several other ways by which we 
 may bring into the mind images which have already 
 been recognized. These are the laws of the mem- 
 ory, and may briefly be stated as follows: 
 
 i. Similar things will suggest one another. 
 
 2. Images very much different will do the same. 
 
 3. Events and thoughts which happened about 
 the same time will also suggest one another.
 
 INTELLECT AND FEELINGS. 233 
 
 The Imagination. 
 
 Imagination is, in reality, another form of mem- 
 ory. We remember certain things, and by an act 
 of memory we recall the images. Sometimes we 
 arrange them differently from their previous group- 
 ing. When we thus assemble ideas in new forms, 
 unlike others, we perform an act of the imagination. 
 Thus the child imagines that a man is as big as a 
 tree, and he is scared by the mental picture of the 
 giant. Thus a stick becomes a horse ; a chair an 
 engine upon which to ride ; the dolls become alive 
 and listen to all that is told them, and answer as 
 the child desires them to. By this same power the 
 child at school sees upon the map not merely black 
 marks, but rivers, mountains, lakes, cities and other 
 things which are not there. 
 
 Conception, Judgment and Reasoning. 
 
 The power of thinking depends upon the faculties 
 of conception, judgment and reason. Conception 
 is the faculty which grasps and holds distinctly the 
 idea which has been recalled from memory. To 
 have a distinct conception of any object it must have 
 been attended to closely and frequently. For this 
 reason you are able to see clearly an image of an 
 apple. It is not easy to hold in the mind a picture 
 of some fruit seen but once, unless it differs greatly 
 from all others or is attended to very closely. 
 
 Judgment is that activity of the mind which ex- 
 amines, compares and determines the likenesses or
 
 234 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 differences between several objects or ideas, and 
 then draws a conclusion. 
 
 Reason is that faculty of the mind which com- 
 pares two or more judgments and then forms an- 
 other judgment based upon the previous conclu- 
 sions. 
 
 Some Powers Must Develop Before Others. 
 
 From this very brief statement of the characteris- 
 tics of conception, judgment and reason, it will be 
 seen that they depend upon the previous develop- 
 ment of other activities of the mind. It is there- 
 fore unreasonable to expect that even an older child 
 will have any considerable power of thinking logic- 
 ally. Is it any wonder that parents who do not 
 understand these fundamental truths make a most 
 serious mistake in finding fault with a child for not 
 being more thoughtful? We are apt to punish a 
 child for the most natural use of the senses and im- 
 agination, and are just as likely to find fault with 
 him for not being able to make use of faculties 
 which the Almighty evidently did not intend should 
 reach full growth until quite late in life. 
 
 Unreasonable Expectations. 
 
 Parents should therefore not expect much in the 
 way of the child's reasoning as to what is best to 
 be done. They should cultivate and train this 
 power, which is destined to rule the child, but must 
 not place much reliance on it until maturity.
 
 INTELLECT AND FEELINGS. 235 
 
 Many parents feel that they are treating a child 
 kindly when they are permitting him to decide for 
 himself. Are such parents not generally mistaken? 
 Is it not true that it is much easier for a child to 
 do what he does not like to do as an act of submis- 
 sion to authority rather than to do it as a result of 
 his own determination? 
 
 Many parents will keep a child in misery for half 
 an hour, and resort to all sorts of arguments and 
 bribes to try to get him to take bitter medicine. The 
 better way would be to see that the child takes it 
 at once. Afterward it might be well to express re- 
 gret that it was necessary to compel obedience, and 
 the hope that it would soon not be necessary to take 
 the unpleasant medicine. 
 
 What Should Be; Left to a Child's Reason. 
 
 Many parents will ask, "Shall I leave nothing to 
 the judgment of my child?" The answer must be, 
 "Certainly, but care must be taken not to permit 
 him to give final decision concerning those things 
 which it is not safe to allow him to decide." There 
 are many things which may not only be left to the 
 child's judgment, but which should be left to him 
 to decide for himself. He may be helped by advice 
 or by information needed, but should be free to 
 decide. As he grows older he should be given 
 charge of minor matters, and as he manifests good 
 judgment the number and character of the matters 
 may well be advanced. If such a plan be taken, and
 
 236 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 encouragment be given for those decisions which 
 are especially to be commended, every child will 
 develop better judgment than such a child would 
 show under different treatment. 
 
 If parents will discuss with older children the 
 principles involved in a number of cases, the chil- 
 dren will gain most excellent ideas and be greatly 
 helped in coming to correct conclusions. All such 
 discussions should be carried on in a calm and kind 
 manner. The parents should be careful to encour- 
 age the child to express his own views, which should 
 receive most careful consideration. 
 
 It is indeed a very serious error in the managing 
 of children to permit them to argue in favor of their 
 being allowed to do what the parents know is not 
 only not best, but a thing which they must forbid. 
 
 The; Feelings. 
 
 Having considered the intellectual side of the 
 mind, it is important that we also give attention to 
 the emotional side as well. The mind not only 
 knows, but it also feels and wills. Upon the culti- 
 vation of the feelings will depend, in great measure, 
 the character of the child, as well as his future hap- 
 piness. 
 
 What is Mijant by Feeung. 
 
 By the feelings or the emotions is meant the ex- 
 citement which accompanies certain ideas. They 
 produce either pleasure or pain. When emotions 
 become very strong and pass beyond control they
 
 INTELLECT AND FEELINGS. 237 
 
 are called passions. Among the more common 
 phases of emotion may be mentioned love, faith, 
 fear, joy, grief, anger, surprise and others. 
 
 Those feelings which are pleasant produce de- 
 sires. When unpleasant they give rise to aversions. 
 When the expected pleasure becomes great enough 
 to impel to voluntary action, it becomes a motive. 
 In this way arise motives which influence the will, 
 and thereby determine action. One who is carried 
 away by his emotions is apt to be so impulsive as 
 to be very hard to control. 
 
 Allowance for Emotions. 
 
 Most mental powers develop gradually and do not 
 arrive at maturity until quite late. Such is espe- 
 cially the case with the power of reason. However, 
 the emotions of children seem to be strongest when 
 they are young. Sometimes children are so emo- 
 tional that they are considered eccentric. Those of 
 us who, for years, have schooled ourselves in the 
 repression of our feelings should make every allow- 
 ance for children who show their feelings. We 
 should certainly make more allowance for them 
 than for adults, as their emotions are characterized 
 by greater intensity. When a child is overpowered 
 by his feelings they are likely to have complete 
 mastery of his mental faculties as well, and he ap- 
 pears stupid. Where very intense, they even para- 
 lyze the bodily powers. How utterly senseless, then, 
 the person who expects a child laboring under great
 
 238 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 emotion to think or act as would the child under 
 normal conditions. Yet do we parents not often 
 expect this very thing? 
 
 How the Emotions May Be Controlled. 
 
 The control of the emotions is such a difficult 
 problem that even adults find it a slow process. It 
 is even more difficult with children. A child of 
 emotional nature cannot be cured of his displays of 
 feeling except through the affections. The par- 
 ent who gives way to outburst of passion will only 
 add fuel to the fire burning in the child's soul. By 
 diverting the mind with a story, by a display of love, 
 by the use of tact, and in many other ways, much 
 can be done to help the child gain a mastery over 
 his feelings, in place of permitting his feelings to 
 rule him. It must ever be kept in mind that the 
 child of strong feelings not only has the power of 
 loving intensely, but has also the capacity for great 
 hatred. Unkindness to a child suffering from any 
 strong emotion has a tendency to embitter him as 
 such treatment would not at other times.
 
 XXXV. 
 
 THE TRAINING OF THE WILL. 
 
 Importance oe Training op the Wile. 
 
 Each child, like each adult, has the power to de- 
 cide whether he will or will not perform a given 
 act. Conduct will be good or bad, as the decision 
 is generally in favor of the right or wrong. Nearly 
 all we do is the result of a determination to act. 
 This is so of all organs save those upon which life 
 and health depend. Since conduct is the result of 
 acts of the will, it will readily be seen that the train- 
 ing of any child to right action must be almost en- 
 tirely a training of the will. The parent who is 
 successful in this most difficult work will have little 
 trouble in the management and training of children. 
 
 The Wile the Mainspring. 
 
 Will-power is the mainspring of every individual. 
 Almost every function of the mind and body is sub- 
 ject to its dictates. Scarcely any physical deform- 
 ity is to be so much dreaded as a weak will. It is 
 will-power which largely determines the character 
 of every person. The individual is likely to be 
 strong mentally, physically and morally, as he is 
 able to control his will and direct it toward proper
 
 240 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 ends. The will should at all times obey the dic- 
 tates of conscience. If it does not, the result is al- 
 most certain to be a ruined character. 
 
 We must not forget, then, that the will is the 
 great central, sustaining force in character. It is 
 the life-giving power that builds up the elements 
 of character into an harmonious whole. That the 
 important truth may be more apparent to all, let us 
 consider the matter more carefully. 
 
 Knowledge of right and wrong will not insure 
 the performance of right actions. The whole being, 
 body and mind, should obey the commands of the 
 internal compelling force, — the will. Many who 
 know perfectly well what the moral code requires 
 are too weak to follow its precepts. The drunkard, 
 for instance, knows only too well the disastrous ef- 
 fects of strong drink ; but his will-power is too feeble 
 to control his depraved appetite. He can form the 
 noblest resolutions and make promises of reform, 
 yet resolution and promise are alike broken re- 
 peatedly. 
 
 Conscience; Insufficient. 
 
 Neither is a tender conscience sufficient in itself 
 to brace up a nature defective in will-force. The 
 keenest sorrow and shame may be felt for faults 
 committed, yet again and again the same fault will 
 be repeated, the same vicious practice indulged in, 
 because the vital, strength-giving will is absent. 
 
 On the will depends the strengthening of weak 
 points, the resistance to the assaults of temptation,
 
 THE WILL. 241 
 
 the effectiveness of good resolutions, the carrying 
 out of designs, — in short, the success of the whole 
 man, morally and materially. 
 
 Conscience, with its awakening voice, may rouse 
 one from an aimless, ineffective existence, or from 
 a life of sin and dishonor, and set him upon his feet. 
 A sense of right and duty will point out to him the 
 direction his life should take. Only his will-power 
 will hold him in his upright position, and enable 
 him to move forward with determination toward a 
 better goal. 
 
 Will-Power and Courage. 
 
 All of the fundamental virtues depend upon the 
 will for their growth and efficiency. Even the 
 naturally timid may gain courage by the exercise of 
 their wills. They can force themselves to be brave 
 in danger, to calm all apprehensions of evil, to go 
 forward unterrified into peril. The lazy, generally 
 a most difficult class to deal with, can overcome their 
 aversion to work. They can make themselves un- 
 dertake tasks that they dread, and labor persever- 
 ingly to the end. They can train themselves to in- 
 dustrious habits. 
 
 The will can make the weak strong and self- 
 reliant, and teach them to depend on themselves. 
 It can nerve us for conflict with difficulties and ad- 
 versities. It can inspire with courage for whatever 
 duty there may be to perform, for whatever mis- 
 fortune may befall.
 
 242 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 Will-Power and Justice. 
 
 In the realm of justice we can compel ourselves 
 to be absolutely truthful by an act of will, even when 
 the strongest temptation to tell an untruth presents 
 itself. We can cast out all feelings of prejudice 
 and revenge, of unkindness and selfishness. The 
 most bitter-hearted can change his sentiments if 
 he will, and become forgiving. The most heartless 
 and selfish can become sympathetic and helpful. 
 
 Uncharitable thoughts may be expelled from the 
 mind, spiteful words may be held back, selfish and 
 cruel deeds may be restrained, all by the righteous 
 use of our wills ; and the world will be happier as 
 these wills work for the ends of justice. 
 
 WlIX-PoWER AND SELF-CONTROE. 
 
 A strong will-power that can govern emotion, 
 that can secure the mastery over self, is the secret 
 of self-control. The bodily appetites, the danger- 
 ous desire for drink, the craving for injurious nar- 
 cotics, may be kept under by its aid. All passionate 
 outbursts of anger may be restrained, violence may 
 be subdued into gentleness, desire for extravagant 
 amusements and too much pleasure may be curbed. 
 The whole being will thus be brought under and 
 made subject to the higher law of reason rather than 
 to our desires. 
 
 In the many practical affairs of daily life an ex- 
 ercise of will-power will enable us to perform our 
 duties well and quickly. We can force ourselves
 
 THE WILL. 243 
 
 to stop and think, to be deliberate, careful and thor- 
 ough. In studies success depends largely upon at- 
 tention. This power of voluntary attention can be 
 secured only by an effort of the will. 
 
 WiLiv as a World Force. 
 
 All great victories ever gained, whether in war 
 or in politics, in science or in religion, have been 
 gained by men of strong will. Thus it is will that 
 has determined the course of history, that has made 
 and unmade nations, that has wrought reforms, that 
 has explored, investigated, invented, and so in- 
 creased the knowledge and comfort of mankind. 
 
 It is the lack of will, shown in indecision, vacil- 
 lation and cowardice, that has brought ruin to indi- 
 viduals, to organizations and to nations. Stupid- 
 ity, apathy, even bodily weakness, in many cases, 
 may be traced back to this fundamental weakness 
 of character. "Feebleness of will brings about 
 weakness of the head and of the heart." The intel- 
 lect and the affections will be impaired. The man 
 will become a wretched creature, and end his life 
 in failure. 
 
 The Wile a Measure of Personal Power. 
 
 From what has been said it will readily be seen 
 that the personal power of anyone is dependent upon 
 the strength of the will. The individual who per- 
 sistently directs his will-power along proper lines 
 is sure to be successful. He who has no will-power
 
 244 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 cannot possibly succeed in any undertaking. How 
 important it is that every parent should understand 
 the function and training of the will before it is 
 too late to influence it. The laws which govern its 
 development are well understood. The parent who 
 has no knowledge of the simplest principles govern- 
 ing the development of the will need not wonder 
 that he fails to secure obedience from his children. 
 
 Will-Training Versus Will-Breaking. 
 
 A year ago the writer was asked concerning the 
 conduct of a boy fifteen years old. The father was 
 very much provoked. He said, in speaking of the 
 boy, "He always was pig-headed ; I never saw such 
 a stubborn boy. I will break his will or I will break 
 his back. I have sent him to the best schools in the 
 country. I have done everything in my power, but 
 I cannot break his will." Such questions as the 
 following were asked of the parent: "Why should 
 you want to break his will? Did you ever stop to 
 think of what it means to a boy or girl who has a 
 strong will? Can you blame the boy? Is he not 
 a chip off the old block? What would you have 
 amounted to if you were not as self-willed as you 
 are? You are a man of very successful business 
 experience, and have a very large circle of acquaint- 
 ances among business men. Do you know of any- 
 one who has won great success in any line of busi- 
 ness, except by perseverance and hard work, the 
 result of strong determination? What you want
 
 THE WILL. 245 
 
 to do for that boy is to try to train his will. Direct 
 it into, proper channels, and he may have as great 
 a success in his life's work as his father has had. 
 Do as you threaten to do, break his will if you 
 can, and you will have ruined his chances for suc- 
 cess in life. A broken will is just about as valua- 
 ble as a broken bow." 
 
 The good sense of the gentleman led him to 
 agree that he had been wrong and to express the 
 determination of treating the boy differently in the 
 future. Would that all parents, to whose attention 
 this matter is called, were equally wise ! During 
 nine months of the past year that boy continued to 
 give much trouble to the parents, teachers and 
 others. About three months ago he developed great 
 interest in certain subjects. Since that time he has 
 given no trouble to anyone. To-day he promises 
 to be a great success. But for a little patience at 
 a time when it was needed he might now be an out- 
 cast from home, wandering, as many others have 
 been compelled to, because parents did not under- 
 stand the first principles of the right management 
 of those of strong will. 
 
 The Meaning of 1 Will-Training. 
 
 Too few have given any consideration to this 
 subject. Still fewer appreciate the importance of 
 seeing clearly the difference between will-training 
 and will-breaking. The training of a child's will 
 implies teaching him to choose one of several
 
 246 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 courses. Thus, by bringing influences to bear upon 
 a child, he may be induced to decide for himself. 
 Breaking his will is forcing him to do what he is 
 told, regardless of what he wishes to do. This takes 
 from the child his power of free choice, which is 
 the highest expression of his true personality. 
 Nevertheless, the child should understand clearly 
 the result of not choosing wisely. For example ; 
 suppose a child is told to leave the room. He re- 
 fuses to do so. The parent, without further words, 
 whips him until he does leave the room or until 
 the parent sees it is impossible to break his will. 
 Would it not be wiser for the parent to first tell the 
 child that if he does not leave the room it will be 
 necessary to punish him severely? After having 
 given plenty of time for making a choice, it may be 
 necessary for the parent to remove the child by 
 main force. But the child has been given the op- 
 tion of either leaving or taking the consequences. 
 
 God's Way. 
 
 Is not this God's way of treating us? Does He 
 not permit every person to choose between right 
 and wrong? Everywhere, and at all times, and 
 under all circumstances, He gives to man the free- 
 dom of choice. This is given with the distinct un- 
 derstanding that he must take the consequences. 
 He presents the advantages of one course of action 
 and the disadvantages of the other. Upon man He 
 always places the responsibility of choosing be-
 
 THE WILL. 247 
 
 tween the right and the wrong. Can any parent 
 find a better way to train his own children? 
 
 How the Will May Be Trained. 
 
 In most cases the will of a child is, at first, quite 
 weak. It grows stronger with years. At the same 
 age it is much stronger in some children than in 
 others. The child of strong will must be treated 
 carefully. In the chapters on Obedience, Incentives 
 and the Stubborn Child many suggestions will be 
 found. At this time it is not necessary to do more 
 than emphasize the fact that there must be no con- 
 flict between the will of the parent and that of the 
 child. Such is a conflict of brute force. The 
 stronger will be victorious. Punishment will do no 
 good, save as it shows a child that it does not pay 
 to will to do wrong. The will must be trained 
 through the feelings. It is the only way that it 
 can possibly be trained.
 
 XXXVI. 
 
 ADOLESCENCE.* 
 
 Meaning oe the Term. 
 
 By adolescence is meant that extended period 
 from the beginning of pubescence until the individ- 
 ual has reached the period of fullest physical de- 
 velopment. It usually begins at about the age of 
 twelve in girls and continues until about the age 
 of twenty or more. With boys the beginning and 
 end is a couple of years later. Some think the 
 period is of much shorter duration. Others hold 
 that it is more extended. All agree that it is one 
 of nature's most marked progressive periods. All 
 in all it is the most wonderful period in human life. 
 It is the time of nature's regeneration. It is a 
 second birth, no less wonderful than the first. Out 
 of the boy or girl it makes the man or the woman. 
 At this time boys and girls are apt to stop playing 
 with each other and begin to consider their social 
 relations in an entirely different light. The boys 
 wish to put on long pants and the girls plead for 
 longer dresses. 
 
 Importance of" the Period. 
 Much of future sorrow has its beginning in the 
 
 *See author's books on "Talks to Young Men" and " Talks to Young 
 Women."
 
 ADOLESCENCE. 249 
 
 mistakes and false teaching of this time. Now is 
 the time to teach the necessity of saving one's 
 strength and self-respect. Too many have learned 
 instead the means of destroying vitality and of 
 wasting time and energy. Of all times this is the 
 time for teaching the most careful economy of all 
 the forces of life. 
 
 The savages of this and other countries appre- 
 ciate the importance of this time in the life of their 
 children. They, therefore, bring the most solemn 
 influences to bear upon their young men during 
 these critical years. The Greeks gave special atten- 
 tion to these years. The Romans developed dur- 
 ing this period the natural desire to fight. At this 
 time the Greek, Catholic, Lutheran and other 
 churches confirm. During these years the most con- 
 versions are made. It is the time when all-power- 
 ful sympathy, warmed by the rich transforming 
 blood, exerts its strongest influence. The child be- 
 comes more susceptible to the influence of those 
 older than himself, if the influence is properly 
 exerted without antagonizing him. He becomes 
 interested in the future in a way he has never been 
 before. 
 
 Physical Changes. 
 
 At the beginning of adolescence there are many 
 marked changes which may be noticed by even the 
 less observant. The boy's muscles become larger 
 and firmer. The voice changes to a deeper tone. 
 The stature increases rapidly. The hair on the
 
 250 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 face becomes apparent. The changes taking place 
 in the girl are equally important; the enlargement 
 of the figure being the most marked. She is also 
 apt to become nervous and irritable. The internal 
 changes are equally important. The brain ceases 
 to grow, though it continues to increase in weight. 
 The arteries increase in size one-third. The tem- 
 perature rises one degree. The reproductive or- 
 gans are functioned. 
 
 Mental Changes. 
 
 Great as are the changes in the body during these 
 years, the mental changes are, perhaps, even greater. 
 The child, no longer satisfied with learning through 
 the senses, begins to reflect upon what is seen and 
 heard. For the first time objects and events are 
 seen in their proper relation. New and old emo- 
 tions spring forth full grown, and enthusiasm holds 
 sway. The individuality becomes more apparent. 
 Indeed, the whole mental life seems lighted by a new 
 flame. The parent or teacher who can discover this 
 creative spark at the right time may be able to fan 
 it into such a flame as will make gloriously bright a 
 great life as poet, artist, musician or statesman. 
 This is the time to study carefully each boy and help 
 each determine for what trade or profession he is 
 best suited. This is the best time to learn a for- 
 eign language, as the verbal memory is now strong- 
 est. Now is the time to learn memory gems, which 
 may influence the whole life.
 
 ADOLESCENCE. 251 
 
 Moral Changes. 
 
 Of more vital importance than other changes are 
 those affecting the moral nature of the child pass- 
 ing through this trying stage. At this time all 
 temptations exert their strongest influences. While 
 this is the case, if care is taken, even the most sel- 
 fish may be developed into self-sacrificing boys or 
 girls. If properly understood their worst tenden- 
 cies may now be replaced by those which will work 
 for the happiness of themselves and others. 
 
 Before this age is the best time to train a child 
 to listen to the still small voice of conscience, which 
 will guide him aright through life. Omit this les- 
 son now, and it will never be learned as it should 
 be. During this period it will be easy to develop 
 a love for others, and a personal responsibility for 
 moral acts, though stubborn doubts will constantly 
 rise. 
 
 Change in Ideals. 
 
 During this important period there is also a great 
 change in ideals. As before stated, the boy or girl 
 lives, for a time, the life of a great poet, musician 
 or statesman. Never again may such a grand level 
 be reached during the life-time of the individual. 
 These ideals must be used for the proper develop- 
 ment and discipline of the individual. More than 
 at any time in the past or the future, these ideals 
 are of transcendental importance. They lie at 
 the base of all improvement during this period. 
 The effort should be made to train toward the beau-
 
 252 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 tiful ideals to be found in literature, history and 
 biography. It is the time of hero-worship. If we 
 can but teach them to admire these ideals it will not 
 be hard to lead them to try to imitate them, for it 
 is a very short step from admiration to imitation. 
 Is it not to be regretted that so many boys pass 
 through this period without having any male teacher 
 who meets their ideal? 
 
 We have seen that adolescence is bounded by 
 pubescence and manhood. During this time some- 
 one has said, "The boy is not only a Persian in his 
 love for war, a Hindu in his dreams and a Hebrew 
 in his business sense, but he rapidly comes down 
 through the millenniums and reaches the days of 
 Bayard, Sigfried and Launcelot." 
 
 Dangers of Adolescence. 
 
 What shall be said of the dangers of this period? 
 Every learned person, though not a physician, 
 knows that there are grave dangers here. In a 
 vague way many know that about this time all the 
 fiercest passions of the soul strive for mastery. 
 Now is the time that boys discover the changes tak- 
 ing place and learn awful habits. Too often the 
 parent has no idea of the truth until it is necessary 
 to place a dear child in the asylum, there to remain 
 a mental, physical and moral wreck. This it is that, 
 to a large extent, peoples these institutions with a 
 loathsome, hopeless multitude. In very many cases 
 this habit is found most frequently in those in whom
 
 ADOLESCENCE. 253 
 
 it is least expected. Not so often in those of rough 
 manners, or in the ignorant and profane, or in those 
 fond of manly sports and of the company of others, 
 as in the opposites of all these. 
 
 If ever a child needs an intelligent, interested par- 
 ent it is at this time. God pity the boy or girl who, 
 at this time, has none such ! There may be some 
 excuse for the parent who, through ignorance, fails 
 to provide that counsel and instruction which, if it 
 is withheld, is apt to result in most ruinous habits. 
 For the parent who shirks his duty there should be 
 none. 
 
 False Modesty in Parents. 
 
 Many who read this may question the propriety 
 of speaking of these matters. But are they not of 
 supreme importance? Is there not too much ig- 
 norance of these important matters? Are the par- 
 ents not the ones whose duty it is to speak? Have 
 we any right to remain quiet upon the dangers of 
 this period while, because of ignorance, our children 
 are ruining their happiness for the life that is, as 
 well as for the life that is to come? 
 
 Surely it is the duty of parents to give instruction 
 upon these matters, either by talks on the subject, 
 by placing a sensible book in their hands, or by 
 sending the boy or girl to have a talk with the fam- 
 ily physician. If the physician is a man of judgment 
 he will present the matter in such a way as to show 
 that there is no reason for concealing the truths
 
 254 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 which mean so much to each one. Great care must 
 be taken in the selection of books bearing on this 
 subject, as most of those printed are the writings 
 of "quacks," and are not safe to be in the hands of 
 either the old or the young. 
 
 Ignorance Wile Not Save. 
 
 Many parents who think of these matters hope 
 that ignorance of them may save the child from the 
 terrible results. But it is a vain hope and one of 
 the greatest mistakes of the present generation. 
 Almost everyone can call to mind sufficient proof 
 that such is the case. 
 
 Is it proper modesty which prevents our speak- 
 ing of these matters, or is it the most disastrous 
 kind of folly? If we do not see that they have a 
 proper knowledge of these things, is it not certain 
 that the vulgar, false ideas of impure associates 
 will be absorbed by them and do great harm ? Then 
 let us teach them the truth that dissipation during 
 adolescence means results which are certainly ter- 
 rible in their effects upon the moral, mental and 
 physical natures. 
 
 Management oe the Adolescent. 
 
 What about the management of the adolescent? 
 It is indeed a hard question, doubly so because no 
 general rule can be given. What will apply to one
 
 ADOLESCENCE. 255 
 
 may be of little use in other cases. Many have 
 asked the writer for explicit directions. One 
 mother, who came from Newark, where she had 
 read the talks as published in the Evening News, 
 was so deeply grieved by the actions of her boy 
 that she was not willing to give her name. She 
 had done what most of us are apt to do. She 
 had magnified her boy's mistakes, and if the boy's 
 temperament was what her description indicated her 
 method of management was the opposite of what it 
 should have been. 
 
 During this period a parent should not hesitate 
 to greatly change the method of management. More 
 than at any other time is there great need of much 
 patience and the deepest sympathy. More than at 
 any other time should the parent endeavor to have 
 the child make a confidant of both parents. By con- 
 sulting children on some subjects they may be led 
 to talk more freely to their parents. 
 
 At this time there may be good reason for re- 
 linquishing absolute authority. If the training has 
 been anything like what it should have been this 
 will be perfectly safe. If it has not been of the 
 right kind, harshness will now be of little value. 
 It will only tend to estrange and drive out of home 
 into the cold world. There comes a time in the 
 life of nearly every boy when he is tempted to run 
 away from home. Many are tempted to commit 
 suicide, and not a few do so. While hard to man- 
 age, they will generally respond to the treatment
 
 25 6 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 prompted by love. Trying to repress adolescents 
 by any other means is like sitting on a safety-valve. 
 
 Three Stages. 
 
 The first years of adolescence are those of fer- 
 ment. From sixteen to eighteen the crisis is reached. 
 After that comes a period of reconstruction. The 
 greatest trouble comes during the crisis. Happy 
 the parent who can help the child over this time. 
 Safely past the crisis, there will be continual im- 
 provement. Storm clouds will pass away, and the 
 peaceful sunshine will take their place.
 
 XXXVII. 
 
 THE CHILD AND CHRISTMAS. 
 
 Children in the Home. 
 
 What a joyous time Christmas is and should be 
 for all, both young and old. Its celebration should 
 bring joy to all and peace into every home. Christ- 
 mas without children is not a real Christmas. 
 Neither is a home without children a real home. 
 It is the song with the sweetest melody left out. 
 It is the day without sunshine. We may get weary 
 of their noise and long for quiet. When young 
 they break our rest, when older they may break 
 our hearts. Yet they are blessings in disguise. We 
 can no longer be selfish as before. We try to train 
 them, but, before we start, they train us and teach 
 us many important lessons, which would never be 
 learned but for them. Yes, a home without chil- 
 dren must be cold and dreary. And what can be 
 more cheerless than a childless old age? 
 
 How About Santa Ceaus? 
 
 Many conscientious parents object to telling, even 
 young children, what they consider falsehoods about 
 Christmas. But is it really wrong to tell the chil- 
 dren what we do ? The story of Christmas contains
 
 258 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 much of truth, but it also contains much of fancy 
 rather than falsehood. The idea of Santa Claus is 
 that, upon the birthnight of Jesus, a messenger 
 comes bringing gifts to all and especially to children. 
 This is true, and its full significance should be im- 
 pressed upon the child's mind. Whether Santa 
 Claus arrives once a year with reindeer and enters 
 by way of the chimney, or whether he comes daily 
 by trolley and enters through the door, such facts 
 may well be left to the child's fancy, to developing 
 reason and to later experience. 
 
 When a child begins to seriously question the 
 absolute truth of every detail, this is time enough 
 to consider the advisability of making explanations. 
 Rut, you say, this is telling or acting a falsehood. 
 Is it ? One of the definitions in the latest dictionary 
 tells us that a falsehood is "deceiving one who has 
 a right to know the truth." There may be some 
 question about accepting so broad a definition, but 
 has a young child a right to know the truth? On 
 the contrary, is not every young child entitled to 
 the great pleasure which comes from anticipations 
 of an old-fashioned Christmas with Santa Claus and 
 reindeer? Many attempts have been made to re- 
 place "The Night Before Christmas" with other 
 "up-to-date" stories. But those who sell such books 
 will tell you the new ones have a very limited sale. 
 
 Surely it would not only not be wise, but it would 
 not be right to say there is no Santa Claus, and to 
 take the child and show him what he was to get
 
 CHRISTMAS. 259 
 
 on Christmas morning. Who would care for such 
 a Christmas? It would seem just as reasonable to 
 tell him he must not call a stick or a chair a horse, 
 and pretend to drive or ride it, or to insist that dolls 
 do not hear what is said to them, or to say it is a 
 terrible sin to pretend to feed them and to play house 
 when, in reality, there is nothing to eat and no house. 
 Such acts of fancy are as real as truth to the young 
 children. When the child of such a parent gets 
 older he will probably be punished for pretending 
 to play fire when there is none, and for many other 
 similar and harmless acts which not only do no 
 harm, but help develop many desirable qualities. 
 
 A Great Mistake. 
 
 No, that parent makes a great mistake who fails 
 to appreciate the fact that a child's imagination 
 should be allowed great freedom in play and in read- 
 ing. When it is important he should do so, he will 
 have no trouble to distinguish the fact from fiction. 
 Imagination should have a prominent place in the 
 thoughts and feelings of every child, for a child's 
 mind is filled with images of all kinds. Children 
 live in imagination to a greater extent than do their 
 parents. Most careful students of children agree 
 that their love for fairy-lore is not only natural, but 
 should be cultivated. Then why not let the young 
 child enjoy all the fancy connected with Christmas? 
 Because of their vivid imaginations children can 
 be happy for months in anticipation of a single day.
 
 2 6o TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 The writer's four-year-old almost daily counts 
 on her fingers the "number of Sunday schools until 
 Christmas." After each Sunday she pulls down 
 one more finger and enjoys, with no show of im- 
 patience, the great pleasure which her older brothers 
 also enjoy with her. They no longer look for the 
 reindeer, yet their joy is none the less real than is 
 hers. This article would not have been written but 
 for what the writer saw and heard this evening 
 when he went to say good-night to all. The little 
 sister had crept into bed with an older brother and 
 asked him to "tell all about Santa Claus." Wrapped 
 in the arms of her ten-year-old brother, she was 
 drinking in, with great joy, every word told her. 
 Yet it was a question whether she was enjoying it 
 more than her brother. Is it any wonder that "no" 
 was the answer which rose to the question, "Should 
 any parent say, under such circumstances, 'Children, 
 there is no Santa Claus ; it is a falsehood, and you 
 will be punished for repeating it ?' " 
 
 Let the Children Help. 
 
 As children get older they should be allowed to 
 have something to do by way of planning to make 
 others happy at Christmas. What money they can 
 save from their allowances or from gifts should be 
 theirs to spend as they think best. Some will be 
 able to make things to give to father or mother or 
 other members of the household, or friends. The 
 pleasure given will not depend upon the amount of
 
 CHRISTMAS. 261 
 
 money spent for the gifts, but upon the spirit with 
 which they are given and the surprise felt. 
 
 Let the older children secure evergreen in the 
 country if possible. If this is not possible let them 
 go themselves and buy them at the stores. They 
 will never forget the pleasure which it gives them, 
 even if it be but one or two branches of a pine tree 
 and a single wreath. Let them help decorate the 
 pictures and mantelpieces with as much green as 
 can be secured. 
 
 One Plan of Giving Presents. 
 
 There are almost as many ways of keeping Christ- 
 mas as there are families. Many good suggestions 
 will be found in the magazines, however. In the 
 hope that it may be suggestive to some, one plan 
 of distributing gifts is given. 
 
 Have as many colors of thread as there are chil- 
 dren. Let the threads start from some central point, 
 such as the Christmas tree, the stocking or the plate. 
 At the starting point give all directions to follow 
 the thread marked with the name of each and re- 
 turn to the starting point to show each article 
 found, waiting till all have returned before starting 
 again. Let each thread take its own course, under 
 doors, out into the kitchen, down into the basement, 
 under beds, into closets, up to the attic and into dark 
 corners. Along each thread place those things in- 
 tended for the different children, also notes direct- 
 ing where they should look for other gifts. Some-
 
 262 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 times the note may tell that the article found is to 
 be given to some other member of the family. 
 
 In this way the older members of the family may 
 surprise one another and give pleasure to all. As 
 each returns to the starting point, every time every 
 article or direction is found, the joy of each will be 
 shared by all, and, in place of one surprise, quickly 
 over, it will be found that there are many for each, 
 and the enjoyment will be greatly prolonged. More 
 than this, such preparation will be greatly appre- 
 ciated, because the children will see that it has been 
 made, because of love, at considerable expenditure 
 of time and thought to others. Thus even the chil- 
 dren will appreciate the interest taken more than the 
 gifts received. The gifts will soon be forgotten ; 
 such preparation prompted by loving thoughtfulness, 
 never. 
 
 Later in the day the full significance of the holi- 
 day should be explained to the younger children. 
 Many will not consider the day complete unless, in 
 addition to the usual games, there is a game of 
 "blind-man's-buff," or some similar game, in which, 
 for once, the older members of the family all join 
 with the younger. Many other plans will present 
 themselves for consideration to those disposed to 
 make the day a memorable one, as it should be. 
 
 It may be objected that this means considerable 
 thought and planning. But is it not worth all it 
 costs ? The children will never forget such a Christ- 
 mas. Long after you have gone from them, and
 
 CHRISTMAS. 263 
 
 their heads are whitened by the frost of many win- 
 ters, they will tell their children of the happy Christ- 
 mas prepared by your patient labors of love. 
 
 Then let each be the happiest Christmas of their 
 lives. The cost in money may be far less than in 
 previous years, if only there is the evidence of the 
 desire to make them happy. Let every Christmas 
 be noted for its joyous frolicking and its many inno- 
 cent pleasures. Let it be enjoyed by the young 
 and old, by master and servant, by parent and child, 
 on the common ground of good-will and kindly feel- 
 ing!
 
 XXXVIII. 
 HINTS TO PARENTS. 
 
 Birthdays. 
 
 The observances of these anniversaries are a 
 source of far greater good than most parents think. 
 The remembrance and celebration of them bring 
 the different members of the family closer together 
 and small differences are forgotten. The loving 
 thoughts connected with the preparation of some- 
 thing for the occasion will increase and multiply 
 with the passing years. 
 
 If you remember a child's birthday he will dis- 
 cover that you are really glad that he is here. It 
 will never be forgotten. You will find that he will 
 take great pleasure in remembering yours during the 
 years which are to come. 
 
 The remembrance need be no more than a kiss, 
 or a bunch of flowers, or some similar expression 
 of love. In one family a boy, on his birthday, re- 
 ceived a pencil from one brother, a knife from an- 
 other, a box of writing paper from his sister, some 
 newly-baked gingercake from his mother, and twen- 
 ty-five cents from his father. Even this was more 
 expensive than need be to prove that the day was 
 not forgotten by those who loved him and were 
 glad that he was one of the family. To those who
 
 HINTS TO PARENTS. 265 
 
 are absent, even a brief note will be more highly 
 prized than would many presents under other cir- 
 cumstances. 
 
 It will thus be apparent that it is not necessary 
 to go to great expense ; not necessary to have costly 
 parties, in order that the day may be properly cele- 
 brated. The spirit is the important requisite. Given 
 that, all else may be omitted; without that, every- 
 thing will be wanting. 
 
 Too Much Restraint. 
 
 Nine out of ten children are subjected to too much 
 restraint. Children should be permitted to do what 
 they wish unless there is good reason for their not 
 doing so. When a child raises an objection in a 
 proper spirit, it is sometimes proper to give reasons. 
 For example, suppose a boy is told not to go down 
 a certain street. He asks, in proper tone, why you 
 prefer him not to take the shortest way. He may 
 be told the reason then ; or, later, it may be well to 
 tell him you knew there was a cross dog at the cor- 
 ner, and that you feared that he might be bitten. 
 Care should also be taken to express pleasure that 
 the question was asked in the way that it should 
 have been asked, and that there was no hesitation 
 about obedience. 
 
 Overtraining. 
 
 There is great tendency to overtraining on the 
 part of ministers and others, who are intensely in- 
 terested in the proper management of their children.
 
 266 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 The failure of such in the training of their children 
 has become almost proverbial. It is certainly not 
 because of lack of love or interest ; but, realizing the 
 importance of proper training, there is apt to be 
 too much training. Then, too, it must be remem- 
 bered that the failings of these children are likely 
 to be unduly magnified by both parents and others. 
 
 Leaving a Child Alone. 
 
 It is very important that we parents should ap- 
 preciate the necessity of leaving children to them- 
 selves, that they may do about as they wish. While 
 the child must be trained, it is not necessary that he 
 should be under supervision all the time. If he is, 
 he is likely to become so antagonistic that he cannot 
 be trained as he should. 
 
 Too Many Direct Issues. 
 
 One great mistake which most of us parents 
 make is that we are too willing to take issue with 
 our children upon every occasion. No parent 
 should hesitate to do so when it is necessary. Such 
 as hesitate will suffer later. However, issues can 
 be avoided by exercising a small amount of tact and 
 common sense. It is especially necessary with chil- 
 dren of certain temperaments at times. It is ab- 
 solutely necessary that the parents should strive to 
 avoid direct issues at certain times. 
 
 Too Many Dont's. 
 Is it not true that all of us say "don't" to our
 
 HINTS TO PARENTS. 267 
 
 children too often? One is reminded of the boy, 
 who, when asked his name, said his right name was 
 "Willie Smith," but it seemed generally to be "Wil- 
 lie Don't." 
 
 Threats. 
 
 Many children are completely ruined by the 
 threats which parents make and fail to carry out. 
 How often we promise to do something "next time." 
 What a mistake ! We should act at the time 
 or say nothing. A little punishment or rewarding 
 in the present is more powerful than ten times the 
 amount promised for delivery at some future time. 
 As "a barking dog never bites," so it is almost cer- 
 tain that a parent who threatens much seldom ful- 
 fils the promises made. How soon the child dis- 
 covers this ! Strive never to make threats which 
 cannot or should not be carried out. Then "make 
 good." 
 
 Nagging. 
 
 There is no place for scolding or nagging in the 
 training of children. Yet how many of us are apt 
 to do so. Some say they do this so that they need 
 not whip their children. But this will have a worse 
 effect on a child's character than a reasonable 
 amount of whipping, inflicted at a proper time and 
 in a proper manner. If such a child has done wrong 
 he should be spoken to in a kindly and, if necessary, 
 in a very firm tone. However, it should be done 
 in the natural tone of voice at all times.
 
 268 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 Faults oe Children. 
 
 We are apt to magnify the faults of children. Let 
 us remember that many of the so-called faults are 
 not faults, but are natural actions, which they should 
 and will outgrow. 
 
 When you hesitate as to whether or not you 
 should refuse some request made, do not consider 
 whether the request would have been a foolish one 
 for you, but rather whether it is a proper one for 
 the child. The child who finds he is treated in this 
 way will not hesitate to ask for things which other- 
 wise he would get by stealth. 
 
 Self-Control. 
 
 Other things being equal, the individual who can 
 control himself is likely to be most happy. Whether 
 or not a person is able to control himself will largely 
 depend upon his training in early life. At times it 
 may require only loving kindness upon the part of 
 the parent ; or it may require much firmness also. 
 Almost all children can be taught self-control when 
 young. That is the time to help them. Life with 
 them is a constant warfare. We must stand ready 
 to help them battle against self, as well as against 
 outside influences. Don't bribe your child to con- 
 trol himself in any way. This is a great mistake, 
 and evil results will have to be borne later by both 
 parents and child. 
 
 Temper. 
 
 We are all very apt to treat with too little con-
 
 HINTS TO PARENTS. 269 
 
 sideration the child of quick temper. Many em- 
 ployers prefer clerks who have violent temper. 
 They understand that it is a form of energy, and if 
 the temper is controlled, the individuals can accom- 
 plish a great deal more than those without temper. 
 If a child shows temper much of the time, this re- 
 quires different treatment. Such a child should be 
 kept busy, as much as possible, with some kind of 
 play or work. The parent must be careful not to 
 show temper when the child does. It is probable 
 that the child gets his temper honestly, but if the 
 parent is not careful, scars of more than one kind 
 may be left, and remain for many years, — scars 
 which even future kindness can never efface. 
 
 The Object of Training. 
 
 We must not forget that the great object of train- 
 ing is not merely to make children obedient. It is 
 not to make them behave. It is not to keep them 
 quiet. It is not to make them admired by others. 
 It is not to please our own selfish vanity in any one 
 of many ways. The great purpose of training is 
 to make out of each what the Almighty evidently 
 intended him to be. What He intended is not always 
 an easy matter to determine. The only way it can 
 be determined is by carefully studying the peculiari- 
 ties of each mind, heart and body with which every 
 child is gifted. 
 
 Work for Boys and Girls. 
 Too few parents realize the necessity for regular
 
 270 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 work and exercise for both boys and girls. All 
 should have some play. Few, if any, will be in- 
 jured by a reasonable amount of regular work. 
 Regular practice in gymnastics is very good. 
 Where such can easily be secured this will be es- 
 pecially beneficial if under the direction of a com- 
 petent physical instructor. However, those who are 
 not able to have the benefit of a well-equipped gym- 
 nasium need not be discouraged. While in the 
 gymnasium there may be found apparatus suitable 
 for the development of the different muscles of the 
 body, a suitable apparatus may also be found in 
 every home. The boys may strengthen the muscles 
 of the body by sawing and chopping wood, build- 
 ing fires, carrying coal and in other ways. The 
 girls may receive like benefit by scrubbing, sweep- 
 ing, making beds and in many other ways too nu- 
 merous to mention. 
 
 Obedience Again. 
 
 Too much has been said on the subject of obedi- 
 ence to justify further consideration. Those who 
 insist on trying to train children properly without 
 demanding absolute obedience are welcome to the 
 experience. The writer will be glad to have an 
 account of the success of those who have had a few 
 years' experience under such a plan. 
 
 Use of Stories and Doixs. 
 Parents will find that many lessons can best be
 
 HINTS TO PARENTS. 271 
 
 taught small children by the use of stories read or 
 told. It is really wonderful how great an influ- 
 ence such will have upon their whole future lives. 
 Books are full of stories bearing many important 
 moral lessons. Make use of them. First, in sto- 
 ries, afterward by placing the proper books in the 
 hands of the children. 
 
 Children's dolls may also be made an important 
 factor in the training of young children. They love 
 to play, telling many things to their dolls. By in- 
 clining them to teach their dolls, they themselves 
 may learn many important lessons.
 
 XXXIX. 
 
 HINTS TO PARENTS (Continued). 
 Reading. 
 
 No parent need be reminded that it is important 
 that all children learn to read. It is also important 
 that they develop a love for reading. It is of far 
 greater importance that they develop a love for the 
 right kind of reading. The best schools are not 
 only teaching how to read, but also what to read. 
 However, the parents cannot throw off their re- 
 sponsibility. That reading which weakens the in- 
 tellect and debases the morals must be guarded 
 against. That which strengthens the mind, forms 
 the basis of knowledge, and tends to raise the moral 
 tone, must be furnished. 
 
 The desire for the right kind of reading is ac- 
 quired. It does not come by instinct. It is there- 
 fore our duty to give careful consideration to the 
 matter. Children will like to read those books 
 which we teach them to like. If we pay no atten- 
 tion to the matter they will almost certainly learn 
 to love those books which they find others reading. 
 If such is the case, it is our fault, not theirs. 
 
 In selecting books we should have a particular 
 end in view. They should either be selected for the 
 moral benefit, to add to their knowledge, or to give
 
 HINTS TO PARENTS. 273 
 
 pleasure. The best books combine these three ends. 
 The book of fairy tales has its place. So also the 
 books of fiction, such as may be found in the Sun- 
 day school libraries. More important than these 
 for older children are books of travel, history and 
 biography. 
 
 Proper Books for the Young.* 
 
 It is not sufficient to keep bad books away from 
 children. The right kind of books must be pro- 
 vided. Any librarian will gladly give suggestions 
 upon this subject. In selecting books it is impor- 
 tant that we do not fail to consider not merely the 
 age, sex and temperament of the child, but also the 
 time of year and the part of the country in which 
 the child lives, and many other similar matters. It 
 is also important that the parent should read some 
 books with the child. 
 
 What has been said of the importance of select- 
 ing the right kind of companions applies with equal 
 force to the selection of the right kind of books. 
 
 Favorites. 
 
 Too often parents have favorites among their 
 children. Sometimes it is quite noticeable to others 
 of the family, as well as to strangers. Under such 
 circumstances there is almost certain to be discord 
 and continual jarring. Who has not known cases 
 where the evil effects of such favoritism have borne 
 
 See author's Home Series and List of Library Books.
 
 274 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 bitter fruit during the whole lives of parents and 
 children ? 
 
 Surely too much care cannot be taken by parents 
 to see to it that their decisions are impartial. No 
 matter if one child is of a more loving disposition 
 and more lovable than another, each must feel that 
 there is an equally warm place in the heart and an 
 equally prominent position in the affection of the 
 parents. As they grow older they will ever prize 
 and aim to retain that loving regard. Should oc- 
 casion come they will rejoice to turn once more to 
 the parents for that advice and sympathy which they 
 know awaits each one without favor, but with af- 
 fection. 
 
 Children on Sunday. 
 
 What parent has not been troubled, or even driven 
 to despair, to know what to do with children on 
 Sunday? Even if it has been possible to get them 
 to do just as the parent would have them do, 
 it is hard to know what they should be required to 
 do. Any parent who has sufficient brute force and 
 determination can make children conform to cer- 
 tain definite rules ; but is that the right thing to do ? 
 Certainly not. Of all days, this is the day that we 
 should strive to get along by loving kindness. 
 
 Don't Make Sunday Dreadful. 
 
 Some parents make Sundays so unpleasant that 
 the children dread its approach. No child should 
 be expected to act as parents do on Sunday. Yet,
 
 HINTS TO PARENTS. 275 
 
 do not many parents think that children should be 
 amused on Sunday with the same things that amuse 
 themselves? This day should be different from 
 Other days. The young children should have dif- 
 ferent playthings, different games, different dolls, 
 and be dressed differently. Thus the child may, 
 quite easily, learn to look forward with pleasure, 
 rather than with dread, to the coming of Sunday. 
 Some parents have found it to be an excellent idea 
 to keep certain articles, candy and other special Sun- 
 day features in a special room, closet or bureau 
 drawer. As the child grows older parents should 
 aim to replace these childish things by Bible pic- 
 tures, Sunday school papers and other suitable ar- 
 ticles. 
 
 Reasons for Liking Sunday. 
 
 Again, some children will look forward to Sun- 
 day because their parents spend more time with 
 them on that day. Others, because they are to 
 have a larger portion of cake. Others, because of 
 many other privileges which the love of the parents 
 has prompted. Where this love of parents is evi- 
 dent it is very easy for the child to pass from the 
 consideration of love of his earthly parents to that 
 of his Heavenly Father. 
 
 As the children grow older it is not expected that 
 they will spend much of their time in play. At this 
 stage they will need more attention from their par- 
 ents that the better training may be given. Many 
 will long remember with great pleasure the sacred
 
 276 TRAILING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 songs sung at a certain hour each Sunday. Cer- 
 tainly, but few parents are so busy on Sunday that 
 they cannot give some time to the reading or teach- 
 ing of stories, and in other ways interest their chil- 
 dren. 
 
 About Attending Services. 
 So far nothing has been said about attending ser- 
 vices. Every young child may find pleasure in at- 
 tending Sunday school. When old enough to take 
 interest in and receive benefit from the church ser- 
 vices it is well that children should get into the 
 habit of attending these services. However, par- 
 ents should remember that it is far harder for the 
 children to remain still any length of time than for 
 adults, unless the services are very interesting. 
 Parents, how do your children look forward to Sun- 
 day? The true answer to this question will deter- 
 mine whether or not you have given the subject the 
 attention that its importance demands. 
 
 The Child's Faith. 
 What about planting faith in children? You 
 need not do it. It is already there. Children natur- 
 ally have faith in their parents. All we need to do 
 is to show children why every child should have 
 faith in God. By faith they may be taught the pro- 
 foundest truths of the Bible. How early the little 
 ones may be taught that God loves good children ! 
 How happy they are to learn that their good actions 
 please not only their parents, but their Heavenly 
 Father as well !
 
 HINTS TO PARENTS. 277 
 
 The training of a child's faith is one of our most 
 important duties. The happiness and the usefulness 
 of children will largely depend upon their faith. 
 
 The; Precocious Child. 
 
 Who can give any good reason why so many par- 
 ents are anxious that their children should be pre- 
 cocious? Precocity means early ripening. The 
 same parents would have no use for premature 
 peaches. Why, then, should they wish to have their 
 children develop prematurely? Surely nothing but 
 ignorance can account for such a senseless desire. 
 The present civilization tends to hasten unduly the 
 developing human being. Much care must there- 
 fore be taken by parents in this respect. 
 
 Laurels for the Plodders.. 
 
 It is a grand, good thing that very few of those 
 supposed to be precocious are really so. Most par- 
 ents are only too willing to believe that their chil- 
 dren are a little brighter than those of their neigh- 
 bors. This is but natural. None but the foolish, 
 vain or ignorant would urge their children forward 
 in the hope that they might appear precocious. His- 
 tory fails to furnish examples of great men or great 
 women who were really precocious in youth. On 
 the contrary, the patient plodders are the ones who 
 generally win life's victories. History is full of 
 examples of great men who were considered far 
 below the average ability while in school. What
 
 278 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 good reason, then, is there for parents insisting upon 
 their children being hurried in their development? 
 Why do we do that which will result in so unduly 
 developing self-esteem and self-assertion as to 
 make the poor victims almost unbearable? The 
 child's mind is bound to be active. This is natural. 
 The injury comes from overtaxing it with matters 
 which are beyond its comprehension or keeping it 
 under strain for too many hours. 
 
 Brain Fag. 
 
 Great care should be taken that a child's mind 
 does not develop at the expense of its body. As 
 has been said before, the most important thing is 
 to build up a healthy body. The signs of brain fag 
 should be watched for and the warning should be 
 noted promptly. If the child's head is hot, if the 
 expression becomes one of anxious depression, if 
 the forehead is wrinkled and the hands frequently 
 put to the head, if the sleep is disturbed and the 
 appetite impaired, there is serious trouble some- 
 where. It is the parents' duty to see where the 
 trouble is. On the other hand, the parents must 
 not be too ready to permit the trouble to be blamed 
 on study. Probably not more than one case out of 
 twenty reported can be shown to be the result of 
 too much school work. Very frequently it is lack 
 of sleep, music lessons, parties and other affairs 
 which make it impossible for the child to have the 
 proper rest which the growing body demands.
 
 HINTS TO PARENTS. 279 
 
 It will generally be found that the doctors who 
 complain most of overpressure of work in school 
 are those who have the reputation of giving this 
 reason when they do not know how else to diag- 
 nose the case. Therefore, the parents should watch 
 carefully themselves, and where they find the child 
 is studying too hard should insist on the work be- 
 ing lessened. 
 
 Mistakes op Parents. 
 
 Many parents are unconsciously sinning against 
 their children by forcing their children both phys- 
 ically and mentally. They provide games and 
 amusements for the children which are suited only 
 for adults. They allow them to attend theatres, 
 which offer scenes and thoughts which they not only 
 cannot understand, but which it is far better they 
 should not understand. All the emotions of the 
 child are played upon by the cheap novel and the 
 cheap drama of the day, until the child is apt to 
 live in a mental maze. Others permit their chil- 
 dren to take prominent parts in many amusements 
 without considering carefully the effect upon those 
 of certain temperaments. Some it may benefit ; 
 others it may injure. It is the parents' duty to con- 
 sider the matter carefully. We should strive to keep 
 the amusements of our children simple and whole- 
 some. We should no more think of giving children 
 highly-spiced reading and amusements than we 
 would provide overseasoned food at their meals.
 
 XL. 
 
 HINTS TO PARENTS (Continued). 
 Brothers and Sisters. 
 
 In the family where there are brothers and sisters 
 there is the possibility of a very happy life, rich in 
 joy, fond associations and great inspirations. To 
 bring out all these possibilities there is needed the 
 mighty transforming power of loving kindness. 
 Without this, most of the blessings will be lost. 
 
 For years seeds will refuse to grow if kept in a 
 dry, dark place away from the sun. However, they 
 retain their germinating powers, and under favor- 
 able conditions will germinate. Thus it is in homes 
 where brothers and sisters have lived in discord. 
 Even now it is not too late to look after the neg- 
 lected seeds. It is the duty of parents to strive, 
 by patient culture, to reap the rich harvest. Is this 
 field cultivated as it should be in your home, or does 
 it lie neglected? 
 
 The family where all children are boys or girls is 
 not complete. There is something lacking. No 
 matter how happy, there is something wanting. 
 Without boys there will be lacking the manly, 
 strengthening influences. Without girls there will 
 be an absence of sweetness and tenderness. But are 
 there not many homes where there are both brothers
 
 HINTS TO PARENTS. 281 
 
 and sisters, yet also an absence of the heavenly bless- 
 ings which should be there? Too often is there 
 not bitterness and strife? If so, someone is respon- 
 sible for a terrible failure. 
 
 Important Questions. 
 
 In a previous chapter attention has been called to 
 the home influences. All that can now be done is 
 to raise a few questions. For many reasons should 
 there not be a tender friendship between brothers 
 and sisters? Do they not often seek outside of the 
 home for their intimate friends? Does this friend- 
 ship not need cultivation like other friendships? 
 Should there not be special effort made upon this 
 line ? Is it not because of this lack of attention that 
 so few brothers and sisters are as devoted as they 
 should be? Why should brothers and sisters not 
 be proud of one another? When alone in the home 
 is not selfishness apt to come to the surface? Does 
 not rudeness of speech and action become promi- 
 nent? Is it not the tendency to hide the better na- 
 ture below the surface while at home? Should not 
 every boy be as loyal to his own sister as to the sis- 
 ter of other boys? Should not brothers and sisters 
 shield one another when it is right and possible to 
 do so? 
 
 Helping Themselves. 
 
 Every person has noticed how helpless the chil- 
 dren are in some families and how ever ready and
 
 282 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 able children of the same age are in other families. 
 This is entirely a matter of training. Children 
 naturally love to do things themselves. We all 
 know children four or five years old who are able 
 to help themselves as well as many children much 
 older. In helping themselves we should let them 
 make reasonable effort, but stand ready to give as- 
 sistance at the proper time. If a child wishes to 
 do what the parent thinks should not be done, lest 
 it suffer pain, it is often best to warn the child. 
 Then, if it suffers because of not following the sug- 
 gestion of the parent, the child learns the evil effects 
 of disobedience. The great majority of parents 
 will express sympathy, and will not say "it serves 
 you right." The parent who answers in such a 
 way may be certain that the child's confidence will 
 not soon be won. 
 
 Grateful Children. 
 
 Considerable effort should be made to teach chil- 
 dren to be grateful for the many blessings which 
 most do not appreciate. We, ourselves, are not gen- 
 erally grateful save for that which is unexpected. 
 Much less are our children likely to be. They are 
 apt to take everything as if it rightly belonged to 
 them. Too few children in these days have any 
 idea of what they owe their parents. Is this not 
 largely the result of our training? The parent who 
 has shown children reasons for being grateful will 
 have children who will appreciate what is done for
 
 HINTS TO PARENTS. 283 
 
 them. This will make out of home a comfortable, 
 happy place for the parents. What thrust will sink 
 deeper into the soul of a parent than the ingratitude 
 of children? Yet how common it is. So common, 
 indeed, that it has become a proverb that "One par- 
 ent will support ten children better than ten children 
 will support one parent." It is a shame. It is the 
 fault of their training. It is our fault. 
 
 Self-Examination. 
 
 No parent can easily manage a child until he has 
 made a very careful examination of himself. Each 
 one of us has a number of peculiarities which are 
 likely to reappear in our children, who have learned 
 or inherited them from us ; and they are also likely 
 to determine our methods of managing others. We 
 are all apt to be governed by our strongest faculties 
 and emotions. The proud parent will appeal to 
 pride ; the cruel, to punishment and fear. The stub- 
 born will govern by firmness ; the loving parent by 
 affection ; the conscientious, by an appeal to a sense 
 of what is right. 
 
 Very often the parent will use methods with chil- 
 dren to whom such methods are the least adapted. 
 The father who believes that there should be nothing 
 but firmness meets with it in the child, who comes 
 by his stubbornness honestly, and there are continual 
 clashes. Governed by love, the same child might 
 easily have been molded into a beautiful character. 
 On the other hand, the mother in whose character
 
 284 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 affection holds a prominent place may fail to govern 
 because of a lack of that firmness which at times is 
 indispensable. It is, therefore, important that par- 
 ents should carefully examine themselves, that they 
 may guard against allowing their peculiarities to 
 bias their methods of management. If they exam- 
 ine themselves they will be most apt to exercise 
 judgment and self-control where that is necessary. 
 
 Like Produces Like. 
 
 We must not forget that "like produces like." 
 Love awakens love. Harshness excites harshness ; 
 anger, anger ; frankness, frankness. This seem- 
 ingly important fact is of the greatest value in en- 
 abling us to properly train our children. We must 
 ever remember that the surest and best way to pro- 
 duce emotions or thoughts in our children is to show 
 them ourselves. This is one of the great secrets of 
 success in the management of children. 
 
 The Great Aim. 
 
 Every thoughtful parent is anxious to properly 
 train his child. Proper training will differ with 
 each child. The effort should be to develop the 
 natural capacities of the child so that it may unfold 
 to a strong, beautiful character. This will mean 
 strength of body, vigorous energy, warm affections, 
 natural appetites, proper ambitions, refined tastes, 
 firm moral convictions, and a strong desire to do 
 what is right.
 
 HINTS TO PARENTS. 2S5 
 
 It is well for parents to have an ideal in mind 
 while training children. However, this should be 
 determined upon after careful thought, and not, as 
 often is the case, with little consideration. The im- 
 portant thing is to have the right ideal. 
 
 We must not expect that each child will be able 
 to reach the high ideal we have in mind. But this 
 is no reason why we should not work patiently and 
 persistently to secure the best possible results. 
 What parent, looking into the face of the blue-eyed 
 girl or the brown-eyed boy, can tell what strong pas- 
 sions or what high moral qualities lie hidden in that 
 head or heart? There may be the elements of the 
 criminal, of the orator, of the statesman. No mat- 
 ter what these tendencies are, they are subject to 
 modification and susceptible to the influences which 
 the parents can exert. Every normal child is capa- 
 ble of endless improvement through the long years 
 of life. 
 
 The Influence of Nurses. 
 
 One of the most injurious effects on children of 
 the rich is the result of the fact that most of the 
 time they are in charge of nurses. Who are these 
 nurses generally? Answer the question for your- 
 self. Are they selected as carefully as the coach- 
 man, the cook or the butler? How little such chil- 
 dren enjoy the companionship of their parents or 
 others whose influence would be most elevating! 
 How often they are wheeled along in carriages long 
 after they should be allowed to walk. How seldom
 
 286 TRAINING OF CHILDREN. 
 
 are they allowed to get beyond striking distance of 
 some cross-grained nurse, who cares nothing for 
 their welfare ! Many times they have nurses who 
 know but little of the children's native language and 
 care less about the common decencies of word and 
 act. Who has not pitied such children as they have 
 seen them in charge of nurses who are no better 
 than slave drivers? Is it any wonder that instead 
 of growing up to be what they should be they are 
 apt to be the very opposite? 
 
 Rich Children Who Are Poor. 
 
 It may be thought that these statements are rather 
 strong, but if those feeling that way will spend an 
 afternoon listening to what may be heard at a place 
 where nurses are wont to congregate on pleasant 
 afternoons, I feel sure they will change their opin- 
 ions. After such an experience most parents will 
 refuse to permit nurses to punish. Neither will 
 they be surprised at the knowledge their children 
 have of those expressions and things of which they 
 should be ignorant. 
 
 Doctors can tell of unmentionable practices of 
 nurses, who are sometimes nothing more than 
 thoughtless. Yet these practices frequently con- 
 demn innocent children to lives of depravity. Is 
 the subject not of sufficient importance to demand 
 careful consideration on the part of every parent? 
 
 Children learn more easily from other children 
 than they do from adults. For this reason the
 
 HINTS TO PARENTS. 287 
 
 younger children of a family seem to develop more 
 quickly. For the same reason children in such a 
 family will know much more than will the only 
 child or the child of the rich, at the same age. From 
 other children a child learns very many things 
 which develop his mind, influence his feelings, and 
 aid the control of his will. 
 
 Poor Children Who Are Rich. 
 
 Surely there are some very good reasons why 
 parents in poor circumstances with a number of 
 children should congratulate their children and 
 themselves.
 
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