' 
 
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 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA
 
 OK LOS ANGELES
 
 (page 30) 
 I WOULD N'T ROOST IN A CHERRY TREE
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH 
 GALATEA: A BUCOLIC 
 
 ROMANCE 
 
 By CURTIS DUNHAM 
 
 Author of " The Casino Girl in London," 
 "Two in a Zoo," "The Golden Goblin," etc. 
 
 WITH ILLUSTRATIONS 
 BY OLIVER HERFORD 
 
 TOUT! /BIEN 
 OU \ /RIEN 
 
 HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY 
 
 BOSTON & NEW YORK .;. THE 
 
 RIVERSIDE PRESS CAMBRIDGE 
 
 M D C C C C I X
 
 COPYRIGHT, 1909, BY CURTIS DUNHAM AND HOUGHTON MIFFLIN COMPANY 
 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 
 
 Published May IQOQ
 
 PRELIMINARY 
 
 Preliminary and Confidential 
 
 AIR reader (and unfair one, of 
 either sex), I pray you be not 
 dismayed by the profundity 
 of this discourse. Doubtless 
 there are some light-minded 
 observers who would have seen in the natural 
 phenomena herein recorded the very quintes- 
 sence of humor, the apotheosis of the comical. 
 Such pretenders to scientific and literary emi- 
 nence would entertain the same view of the 
 noble Titanotherium Robustum, or the sublime 
 Stegosaurus Ungulatus. They would have cast 
 merry doubts upon the improving conversation 
 between Balaam and his Ass; ridiculed the 
 psychic resources of the Birds of St. Francis 
 d'Assisi; scoffed at the gratitude of ^Esop's 
 
 VII 
 
 2129042
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 Lion; denied the acumen of the Jumping 
 Frog of Calaveras ; yea, and presumed to say 
 "scat" to the sacred Cat of Bubastis. 
 
 Fair reader (or unfair one), be warned against 
 all such triflers with the important truths of 
 nature. Life is earnest. Turn the page read, 
 ponder, and be wise. 
 
 C. D.
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 Contents 
 
 PRELIMINARY AND CONFIDENTIAL vii 
 
 PART I 
 INITIATION OF THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS i 
 
 PAR T II 
 FAIR WARNING TO THE HORSELESS 39 
 
 PAR T III 
 
 PlG-MALION AND GALATEA 67 
 
 PAR T IF 
 
 THE OBSEQUIES OF Bos NEMO 98 
 
 PART V 
 EQUUS MINOR, DETECTIVE 127 
 
 PAR T VI 
 TAURUS CUPID, Eso^ 157
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 Illustrations 
 
 " I would n't roost in a cherry tree " (page jo) Frontispiece 
 The goat seemed to nod his approval 44. 
 
 Sit perfectly still for five minutes while the gentleman 
 
 takes your picture 92 
 
 Seized her hand and kissed it ardently 126 
 
 The guests ate their turnips decorously 150 
 
 All the four-legged members of the frm had drawn near 1 68
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 I 
 
 Initiation of the Two- Legged Partners 
 
 HE thing was incredible. It 
 was intolerable just cause for 
 mutiny. Talk about injustice, 
 arrogant denial of the equal 
 rights of man and beast ! Well, 
 here was a spectacle calculated to make the 
 heavens weep. Yet never had a June sky re- 
 vealed a deeper shade of blue for fleecy clouds 
 to sail upon. The wind that should have risen 
 in a shriek of indignation blew softly around 
 the corner of the barn, and was laden with fra- 
 grance from all the flowers that bloom. In the 
 meadow just beyond the stone fence, the tall 
 grass waved gently, whispering contentment to 
 the brook that gurgled with happiness. Birds 
 sang, grasshoppers chirped 
 ...3...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 Clarence could stand it no longer. With his 
 neck stretched far out of his stall window, the 
 colt lifted up his voice and whinnied remon- 
 strance. 
 
 " O Amanda ! Why arewe still prisoners, and 
 the sun half-way up the roof of heaven ? It is 
 an outrage, Amanda. Come quickly and let us 
 out." 
 
 Reginald the round fat one with the tight 
 kink in his tail stood on his hind-legs inside 
 the barnyard fence under the colt's nose, and 
 voiced his personal grievance in short sharp 
 squeaks. 
 
 " Let me out, let me out, let me out ! My 
 trough is empty. My flattened belly cleaves to 
 my backbone." 
 
 On either side of him were Mrs. Cowslip and 
 Gustavius, with their heads over the fence and 
 their noses in the air. 
 
 "Amanda, O Amanda!" bawled the bull- 
 ...4...
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 calf, while his mother she of the liquid eyes 
 and the crumpled horn lowed her gentle 
 reminder : - 
 
 " Good, kind Amanda, this yard is bar- 
 ren; in the pasture the long grass is luscious. 
 Amanda, O Amanda ! " 
 
 And William, the big-horned and bearded 
 one, butted foolishly at the hinges of the barn- 
 yard gate. 
 
 The others gave no heed to William's puerile 
 devices. He was only an addle-pated goat any- 
 way, devoid of reasoning power and puffed up 
 with vanity. They put their noses together and 
 considered the matter, the bull-calf wrinkling 
 his yellow muzzle at Clarence's ear and drop- 
 ping now and then a superfluous comment. 
 Ordinarily the colt, having an exalted sense of 
 his own superiority, would have indulged in no 
 such familiarity with a placid old cow and her 
 lubberly calf; but it was plain that the present 
 ...5...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 occasion was one demanding the sinking of the 
 individual in the organization. So Clarence 
 patiently reviewed the situation, inviting their 
 suggestions. 
 
 To go back to the events of the early morn- 
 ing. Why had that two-legged tyrant, who 
 always responded so promptly to the vulgar 
 name of Gabe whenever Amanda hailed him 
 from the kitchen door, harnessed the mare and 
 driven off, leaving them deprived of their cus- 
 tomary liberty, and without a word of expla- 
 nation ? The act was contrary to the Professor's 
 most sacred principle of equity for all living 
 creatures, whether having four legs or only 
 two. 
 
 " And yet just now you led us in our suppli- 
 cations to Amanda," observed Mrs. Cowslip. 
 "Why did you not remind the Professor of 
 
 "Ah!" broke in Gustavius, "you can trust 
 ...6-..
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 the Professor to understand the needs of a bull- 
 calf." 
 
 " You don't have to ask the Professor twice 
 when you want your back scratched/' grunted 
 Reginald, his tail kinking tighter than ever 
 with delicious memories. 
 
 "The Professor has a large, round, and 
 most inviting stomach," commented William. 
 " Never before have I spared such a stomach. 
 Yet never have I felt the slightest inclination 
 to butt the Professor." 
 
 Mrs. Cowslip turned her mild eyes inquir- 
 ingly on the colt. " I suggest," she said, " that 
 we remind the Professor " 
 
 "My gracious!" interrupted Clarence with 
 impatience. "Can't you fellows remember any- 
 thing over-night ? The Professor drove off be- 
 hind my mother yesterday morning. There was 
 a box beside him in the wagon. He wore his 
 high hat. Mother came home without him.
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 There 's nobody left in the house but Amanda 
 and that two-legged Gabe." 
 
 Just then Gustavius tossed his immature horns 
 and bellowed : 
 
 "Amanda! Amanda!" 
 
 With an apron over her head and a tin pail 
 on her arm, Amanda had come into view be- 
 yond the angle of the barn. 
 
 " She 's going to the strawberry-patch over 
 beyond the orchard," said Clarence, excitedly. 
 " Quick ! Now, all together ! " 
 
 Amanda had not the hardihood to ignore 
 the resulting chorus of appeals to her. But she 
 passed quickly on out of sight, after turning 
 long enough to wave her hand and answer : 
 
 "Jest be patient, you critters. Gabe '11 'tend 
 to you when he gits home." 
 
 The colt nearly burst with indignation. 
 
 "That settles it," he shrieked, lashing out 
 with his heels so that there was a great clatter
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 of things loose in the barn. Then he drew back 
 his lips, baring his teeth, and began snapping 
 at the latch-string of the barn-door, which was 
 just beyond his reach. 
 
 " It 's a pity," said Mrs. Cowslip. " I 've 
 seen your mother let herself in that way many 
 a time, when she was full of grass and eager for 
 her midday nap." 
 
 " If I was only out of here, I could 
 reach that string," grunted Reginald, with one 
 thought for the colt and two for himself. 
 
 " Oh, we know all about you," retorted Clar- 
 ence with exasperation. " If you could get out 
 you 'd scoot for those artichokes down by the 
 brook and never look behind you, you fat, self- 
 ish, kink-tailed little beast." 
 
 " Just you try me," urged the pig, for he had 
 great confidence in the colt's resources. 
 
 Once more their noses were close together, 
 while Clarence instructed them in the details of
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 a desperate effort designed to gain freedom for 
 them all. 
 
 To contend with the smug incredulity of 
 those millions of human kind who spend their 
 lives in little brick-and-mortar boxes set one on 
 top of another in long double rows is the fate 
 of all chroniclers of the important aspects of 
 nature. But truth is mighty and will prevail. 
 Let us therefore proceed calmly with the facts. 
 
 When Clarence had repeated his instructions 
 several times, Reginald gave three sharp, intel- 
 ligent grunts and ran straight to the barnyard 
 gate. With his stiffened snout he began furi- 
 ously attacking the hard earth beneath the lower 
 bar. 
 
 " Not there, you idiot ! " squealed the colt. 
 " The other end. The other end, where the iron 
 hinges are ! " 
 
 Reginald stood corrected. While the dirt flew 
 from under the hinged end of the gate, Gusta- 
 . . . 10-
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 vius galloped foolishly around the yard with his 
 tail aloft, and William, with a coolly calculating 
 eye on those hinges, backed away slowly, with 
 significance understood by all the other con- 
 spirators. Mrs. Cowslip looked on benignantly. 
 Presently the pig got his sturdy shoulders under 
 the gate and heaved with all his might. Wil- 
 liam, with head down, leaped to the assault. 
 The crash of his horns on those hinges reechoed 
 between orchard and wooded hills. But the gate 
 was raised only an inch or two, and Reginald 
 stuck fast. His squeals as he struggled would 
 have melted a heart of stone. William backed 
 away for another assault. It was while he was 
 in mid-air that Clarence shrilled : 
 " Not the hinges ! The pig, the pig ! '' 
 William understood. This time all the weight 
 behind his horns landed with a resounding smack 
 on Reginald's inviting posterior. In the midst 
 of heart-rending squeals the gate rose in the air
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 and the barnyard prisoners looked out on lib- 
 erty. Instantly Reginald was offin the direction 
 of the artichokes. 
 
 "Stop!" shrieked Clarence. "As I 'm a 
 thoroughbred, you shall feel my heels among 
 your spareribs ! J) 
 
 Reginald looked back, and seeing immediate 
 menace in the lowered horns of Mrs. Cowslip 
 and Gustavius, turned about, ran to the barn- 
 door, stood on his hind-legs, seized with his 
 teeth the leather string at which the colt was 
 frantically snapping, gave one sharp pull and 
 the deed was done. If Amanda, a moment later, 
 had looked up from her strawberry-picking, she 
 would have seen, circling over the half-lawn, 
 half-pasture between the barn and the house, all 
 tails in the air, a triumphant procession consist- 
 ing of one yearling colt, one cow with a crum- 
 pled horn, one bull-calf, one he-goat making 
 short stiff-legged jumps with horns lowered, and 
 ... 12
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 one pig bringing up the rear with a tail now so 
 tightly kinked that it lifted his hind-quarters 
 clear of the ground at every second leap. 
 
 But Amanda's mind was glued on strawber- 
 ries ; and for the present other matters of mo- 
 ment require us, too, to leave the escaped pris- 
 oners to their own devices. 
 
 Half a mile away the Poet and his sister sat 
 on a boulder beside the road. It was a semi- 
 public road winding around the foot of a 
 wooded hill. Behind them, a mile away, was 
 the railway station. That mile had been mostly 
 uphill, and the Poet did not love physical ex- 
 ercise. He was tall and lean, with a geometrical 
 figure composed mainly of acute angles. When 
 in a state of repose, it resembled a carpenter's 
 pocket rule which protested at being entirely 
 shut up. The Poet's sister, on the contrary, was 
 mainly curves those delicate, subtle curves 
 . . . 13. . .
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 that deny the presence of bones, yet repel any 
 suggestion of fat. She was young ; not too 
 young just young enough to have won the 
 crowning glory of spinsterhood. She had quan- 
 tities of red hair, the kind of red hair that always 
 goes with that astonishingly transparent skin 
 underneath which scattering amber freckles 
 come and go over-night. There was one now 
 on the side of her nose, which had a becom- 
 ingly mirthful tilt at the end. Her lips were full 
 at the centre, carmine, and with finely shaped 
 corners which could not by any possibility be 
 drawn downward. She wore a solid pair of calf- 
 skin boots, with military heels which looked 
 small while being ample in size. Her dark walk- 
 ing-skirt barely reached the interesting spot 
 where her bootlaces were tied. Her waist, of a 
 soft, cream-tinted material, left her neck and 
 throat bare for which the Lord be praised ! 
 and a shapeless, yet shapely, fluffy white 
 . . . 14. . .
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 thing resting on the coils of her hair seemed to 
 absorb warmth from them. In short, you will 
 make no mistake when you keep your mind 
 fixed on the Poet's sister. 
 
 "Just around the next turn of the road, 
 George," she was saying, " our little summer 
 Elysium will burst upon your view.'* 
 
 The Poet mopped the long, solemn coun- 
 tenance that was belied by his eyes and his man- 
 ner of speech. 
 
 " Galatea, I have observed that most things 
 elysian in this life are generally just around the 
 corner. I am not impatient. I can wait. In 
 fact, I should prefer to have that first view burst 
 upon me while I am comfortably seated in the 
 spring wagon of What did I understand you 
 to say the gentleman's name was, Galatea ? " 
 
 " He is called Gabe." 
 
 "Doubtless a corruption of Gabriel. I won- 
 der if Gabriel blows his trumpet for breakfast ?" 
 . . . 15. . .
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 Galatea's lips parted in a musical ripple of 
 laughter. The sight would have caused a dent- 
 ist to pass on, with misgivings about his fut- 
 ure. The Poet merely remarked : 
 
 "Galatea, are you sure we brought our tooth- 
 brushes ?" Whereupon the dentist would have 
 been heartened by the sight of a tiny point 
 of gold shining out of the crown of her left 
 bicuspid. 
 
 " George, you lazy thing, come on. It 's only 
 half a mile further. Gabriel probably missed us 
 at the station, and has returned by the main 
 road." 
 
 " Oh, well, if all roads lead to Elysium, I 
 suppose it 's no use waiting here." 
 
 Slowly the Poet's angles adjusted themselves 
 to the upright position, and he strode on beside 
 his sister. 
 
 "So you really like the place, Galatea?" 
 
 " It 's lovely just the spot to give you in- 
 ...16...
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 spiration, George. I shall expect great things 
 of you, dear.'* 
 
 "Will it inspire me to reduce the rhythm of 
 Anacreon to ragtime, do you think ? " 
 
 " O George ! And there are the Professor's 
 pets, you know - - Mrs. Cowslip, Clarence, 
 Reginald, Gustavius, and William. I told you 
 about them. The Professor has the most won- 
 derful knack of understanding domestic ani- 
 mals and making them understand him. Really, 
 they look upon him as one of themselves. The 
 Professor says we do our domestic animal pets 
 great injustice when we overlook their loyalty 
 and intelligence, refusing to meet them half- 
 way in friendly companionship. Why, with 
 only a little encouragement they develop the 
 most remarkable emotions, almost human in 
 their complexity ; while their powers of ex- 
 pression develop correspondingly. Positively 
 the Professor and his cow, and colt, and pig, 
 ...17...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 and bull-calf, William the goat, Napoleon 
 the dog, and Cleopatra the mare were away the 
 day I called to arrange about the lease for the 
 summer, are just one big happy family." 
 
 Galatea's cheeks were flushed with enthusi- 
 asm. The Poet's eyes twinkled, but his face 
 remained long and solemn. 
 
 " What name does the pig answer to ? " 
 " Reginald ; but he 's a nice, clean pig." 
 " Yes, of course, being a member of the Pro- 
 fessor's family. By the way, did you have an 
 opportunity to note Reginald's table manners?'* 
 " O George, how perfectly absurd ! " 
 " Not necessarily. I give way to no man in 
 my determination to do justice to my fellow 
 creatures, irrespective of the number of legs 
 with which they are equipped. As the Professor 
 has left us in undisputed possession for the next 
 six months, there 's no telling what we may ac- 
 complish. What sort of voice has Reginald ? "
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 " George, I shan't tell you another thing ! " 
 
 "There, there. It merely occurred to me 
 that, as neither you nor I nor Arthur sings - 
 By the way, Galatea, I suppose Arthur will run 
 over occasionally in his new automobile, the 
 lucky beggar ?" 
 
 "I lay claim to no advance information 
 respecting Arthur's intentions," answered the 
 Poet's sister, in cool, even tones. The flapping 
 brim of her headgear was between the Poet's 
 eyes and her cheek, suddenly turned pink. 
 
 " Oh, well, I was only thinking what a boon 
 Arthur's banjo and my guitar would turn out to 
 be if the pig should develop a romantic tenor 
 voice. By Jove, Galatea ! If that 's the place, I 
 apologize for everything." 
 
 They had reached the turn of the road that 
 
 overlooked their summer Elysium. The Poet 
 
 distributed his joints over another roadside 
 
 boulder, while Qalatea stood by his side, and 
 
 ...19...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 gave his attention to the charming scene in 
 detail. 
 
 " Really, a fine, rambling old house surrounded 
 by shaded verandas below, and not too near the 
 road. A stone- walled inclosure of half a dozen 
 acres sloping down to a pretty brook that flows 
 under the lower wall just below the barn 
 a comfortable red barn ; a barn that is n't red 
 is only half a barn. A kitchen-garden and an 
 orchard, and the rest pasture that is neat enough 
 for a lawn. What romps we shall have, Gala- 
 tea, with the colt and the bull-calf! What 's 
 that vine-covered affair reared against the west 
 gable of the house ? Oh, a water-tank. Just so; 
 there 's a pipe connecting underground with 
 the brook, and that wind-wheel on the barn 
 roof does the pumping. Good! I anticipate the 
 luxury of an occasional tub. I was afraid Ely- 
 sium was like Germany lots of romance and 
 no bathtubs. Galatea, we shall do we shall 
 ..-20-
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 do beautifully. But I say, what's that funny- 
 looking thing on the peak of the house 
 roof?" 
 
 " Is n't it the chimney ? " 
 
 " It looks to me like a saw-horse." 
 
 They walked on. After passing through a 
 grove of chestnuts, they had a nearer and better 
 view of the house. 
 
 " No, it is n't a saw-horse," said the Poet. 
 " It moves. Did you see it ? " 
 
 Galatea looked embarrassed. 
 
 " Galatea, the thing on our roof looks to me 
 uncommonly like a billy-goat. Galatea, it is a 
 billy-goat I can make out his whiskers." 
 
 " Yes," Galatea admitted reluctantly, " it 
 must be William." 
 
 "Very well, I foresee trouble for William. 
 I am quite willing to collaborate with the Pro- 
 fessor and take William to my bosom on equal 
 terms as a brother, but no billy-goat shall be
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 the man higher up in my family. William has 
 got to get down off that roof." 
 
 Presently they turned in at the gate and 
 then the Poet doubled up like a jack-knife. 
 Galatea plumped down on the grass and laughed 
 till she cried. A nice clean fat pig, with a sort 
 of Elizabethan ruffle about his neck, raised him- 
 self on his forelegs and sat at a little distance 
 from Galatea, grunting mild inquiries respect- 
 ing the object of her call. The ruffle was ex- 
 plained by the presence of several other articles 
 of feminine wearing apparel scattered about 
 on the grass, evidently undergoing the bleach- 
 ing process. In making a selection for his own 
 adornment, the pig had not been quite discreet. 
 A sleek and motherly cow, with one crumpled 
 horn, lay in the soft earth of a tulip-bed, chew- 
 ing her cud. Her total lack of humor was 
 manifest in the complacent glances which she 
 bestowed upon her offspring, a reckless-looking 
 ...22"-
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 bull-calf, which wore a peach-basket unneces- 
 sarily on one of his hind-legs. This scene of 
 domestic contentment was further enhanced 
 when a saucy yearling colt put his head out 
 through the kitchen window and shook it 
 knowingly at the intruders, as much as to 
 say : 
 
 " Go away, strangers. We are at home, and 
 you ought to be." 
 
 And then the colt, the cow, the bull-calf, the 
 pig wearing the improvised ruffle, and the goat 
 from his perch on the roof, united in a glance 
 of intense astonishment at the girl seated on the 
 grass. Why was she swaying her body up and 
 down in that foolish fashion, while her hands 
 beat the air aimlessly and her throat emitted 
 incomprehensible gurgles, like the bull-calf 
 with a turnip stuck in his gullet ? 
 
 " Oh dear, oh dear ! ''' choked Galatea. 
 " Amanda 's stepped out somewhere, and Bos, 
 ...23...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 Equus and Co. are in full charge. The cow 
 chewing her cud in the tulip-bed oh dear, 
 oh dear ! The bull-calf picking up stray peach- 
 baskets, and the colt in the kitchen oh dear, 
 oh dear ! The pig wearing one of Amanda's 
 ha ! ha ! he ! he ! one of Amanda's new- 
 est aramatums for a collar ! Slap me on the 
 back, George ; I shall die oh dear, oh dear ! 
 And the goat overlooking things from the roof! 
 Come and fan me, George. Oh dear, oh dear ! " 
 
 But the Poet had recovered his accustomed 
 solemnity of visage. He stood with arms folded, 
 contemplating the goat. 
 
 "Bos, Equus and Co. are plainly within 
 their rights," he said, " excepting the goat. 
 The roof of our house is not a proper place 
 for any member of our family, two-legged or 
 otherwise. William, come down from there!" 
 
 The goat wrinkled his nose at the Poet. It 
 was as though he had said : 
 ...24...
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 " Why should I waste words on a stranger 
 and an interloper ? " 
 
 " Come down, William. Come down, or I '11 
 assert the last remnant of my authority as a two- 
 legged person." 
 
 William stamped his foot on the shingles in 
 a manner plainly hostile. The Poet picked up 
 a good-sized cobble-stone. 
 
 "William, for the last time I warn you. 
 Come down ! " 
 
 The goat backed up two or three steps and 
 shook his horns. 
 
 " Very well, William, your blood be on 
 your own head " ; and the Poet threw the 
 cobble-stone. 
 
 Now, as is well known, a goat has only one 
 really vulnerable spot } namely, his curved and 
 bony nose. Furthermore, a goat's nose like 
 the beard of the prophet is sacred. There- 
 fore, when the cobble-stone, flying straight 
 ...25...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 from the Poet's incautious hand, struck Wil- 
 liam forcibly upon his most honored feature, 
 the situation became grave. Stopping only to 
 make one grimace of anguish, partly physical 
 but mainly of his outraged soul, he ran to the 
 west gable, leaped down upon the water-tank, 
 thence to the woodshed roof, and from there 
 one leap landed him on the ground. Measur- 
 ing with his inflamed and malevolent eye his 
 distance from the Poet, he began backing 
 slowly, with portent that could not be misun- 
 derstood. 
 
 " O George, he 's going to butt you ! " 
 screamed Galatea. " Sit down ! sit down ! " 
 
 But the Poet stood gazing at William like 
 one fascinated. Having backed to a distance 
 satisfactory to his nice discrimination in such 
 matters, the goat lowered his nose and launched 
 himself forward straight as an arrow aimed 
 for the lank, concave surface which indicated 
 ...26-..
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 the Poet's stomachic region. Perhaps it was 
 the goat's waning enthusiasm over a mark so 
 little inviting, at any rate the impact of his 
 horns was only sufficient to cause the Poet to 
 sit down with promptness. 
 
 " O George, did he hurt you ? " asked Gal- 
 atea anxiously. " I told you to sit down." 
 
 " I believe I took your advice, Galatea," said 
 the Poet, looking about him in a dazed manner. 
 
 The goat was slowly backing again. There 
 was a look in his eye which said more plainly 
 than words : 
 
 " Perchance you 've had enough ? If not, 
 there 's more where that came from." 
 
 "Don't get up, George," said Galatea. 
 " Don't move. Sit where you are and he '11 
 go away." 
 
 " I J ve no intention of getting up," answered 
 the Poet. "I'm perfectly comfortable where 
 I am, thank you. Besides, I 'm not one of those 
 
 ...27...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 low-spirited, truckling persons who insist on 
 standing in the presence of a superior." 
 
 The cow, the bull-calf, the pig in his ruffle, 
 and the colt looking out of the kitchen window, 
 were regarding the spectacle with evident sat- 
 isfaction. The goat, as though satisfied that his 
 wounded honor had been sufficiently avenged, 
 began slowly consuming one of the white gar- 
 ments bleaching on the grass. 
 
 In her excitement Galatea's hat had escaped 
 from its fastening and fallen to the ground. 
 Just now the sun shone through the branches 
 of an old cherry tree, converting her loosened 
 coils of dark red hair into a scarlet taunt which 
 the bull-calf could not ignore. With hind-legs 
 wide apart, because of the peach-basket, he was 
 pawing the earth with his forefeet and uttering 
 adolescent bellows of rage. 
 
 " Do you think, dear, that he means me ? " 
 asked the girl anxiously, starting to rise. 
 ...28--.
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 " Yes, dear, it 's your turn," replied the Poet 
 complacently. 
 
 " But I'm I'm sitting down." 
 " It 's that red badge of provocation you 
 carry about under your hat, Galatea. Why in 
 thunder did you take it off? Look out ! He's 
 coming ! " 
 
 The Poet rose, intending to intercept the 
 bull-calf, whose progress was somewhat im- 
 peded by the peach-basket ; but, noticing the 
 goat backing away for another assault, he sat 
 down again. 
 
 " Quick, Galatea ! The cherry tree ! " 
 There was a comfortable branch at about 
 the height of a man's shoulder, with a wooden 
 bench under it. With the bellowing bull-calf 
 close at her heels, Galatea ran to the bench and 
 not without a generous display of striped 
 hose swung herself up to the branch, leaving 
 the enemy pawing the earth innocuously below. 
 ...29.-.
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 " Galatea," remarked the Poet solemnly, " I 
 always said that those striped ones of yours 
 were unlucky. Do you remember ? " 
 
 " Shut up, George ! " Galatea tucked her 
 little boots under her on the branch, smoothed 
 out her walking-skirt, and leaned against the 
 trunk of the tree with the manner of a young 
 lady accustomed to the usages of the very best 
 society. George had the indecency to laugh. 
 
 " George, if I were a full-grown man I 
 would n't sit on the grass the whole afternoon 
 just because of a poor, innocent little billy- 
 goat." 
 
 " Galatea, if I were a perfectly proper, highly 
 educated and accomplished young lady just out 
 of Vassar, I would n't roost in a cherry tree just 
 because of an innocently inquiring bull-calf." 
 
 Then they both laughed. 
 
 Just then the colt whinnied long and joy- 
 ously. 
 
 ...30-..
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 " Giddap," sounded a voice from the 
 road. 
 
 A sleek-coated young bull-terrier, very much 
 alert, bounded down the path and stopped sud- 
 denly, as though divided between astonishment 
 and indignation at the sight of the cow in the 
 tulip-bed. 
 
 " That must be Napoleon," said Galatea. 
 " Gabriel is returning." 
 
 A spring-wagon, loaded with trunks and 
 boxes, and drawn by an extremely well-fed bay 
 mare, whose driver, stoop-shouldered and sun- 
 burnt, perspired uncomfortably in his Sunday 
 clothes, came into view on the driveway be- 
 yond the cherry tree, and stopped. 
 
 "How do you do, Gabriel?" said Galatea, 
 smiling upon him from the cherry tree. 
 
 " Pleased to meet you, Gabriel," said the 
 Poet affably, from his seat on the grass. 
 
 For at least a minute the man in the wagon 
 ...31...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 gazed upon the scene in silence, slowly open- 
 ing and closing his mouth. Then he jumped 
 down, remarking : 
 
 " Jumpin' Jehosephat ! Sic'em, Napoleon ! " 
 
 The terrier jumped for Mrs. Cowslip's nose. 
 She rose from the tulip-bed, but stood at bay. 
 There was a great clatter of hoofs in the 
 kitchen, and the colt ran out through the open 
 door and began kicking up his heels gleefully 
 under his mother's nose. The bull-calf, the 
 goat, and the pig arrayed themselves, as for an 
 argument, beside the cow. 
 
 " Amanda ! " bawled Gabriel. And then to 
 the Poet : " Be you folks hurt, or only skeered ? 
 I must a* missed ye, waitin' for t'other 
 train." 
 
 " We 're only scared, I think," answered the 
 Poet, rising cautiously, with one eye on the goat. 
 Galatea slid down from her perch and joined 
 them. 
 
 ...32...
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 " Darn the critters ! " said Gabriel. " It 's all 
 Amanda's fault. Of course she had to go trap- 
 sin' off somewhere. Amanda ! O Amanda ! " 
 
 Amanda appeared in the edge of the orch- 
 ard, with a tin pail in her hand, indicating with 
 a wave of her apron that she was coming as fast 
 as she could with her heaping pail of straw- 
 berries. 
 
 " I locked 'em up," said Gabriel. " But, laws, 
 J t aint no use lockin' up critters edicated by a 
 college perfessor." 
 
 " Fer th' land sakes ! " ejaculated Amanda, 
 arriving breathlessly and taking in the whole 
 scene at a glance. 
 
 The pig went up to her, grunting amiably in 
 his white ruffle. 
 
 " You shameless critter ! " said Amanda, with 
 her face aflame, as she tore the indecorous gar- 
 ment from Reginald's neck. 
 
 "Ha! ha! ho! ho! ho 1 " laughed Gabriel.
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 ** Serves ye right, Amanda, for goin' off 
 an' leavin' edicated critters loose around th' 
 house." 
 
 " Shoo ! " said Amanda, waving her apron at 
 Mrs. Cowslip, who merely gave her a mild look 
 of reproach. 
 
 " Git back to th' barn, all of ye," com- 
 manded Gabriel, with no better result. 
 
 "Say it, Gabe," said Amanda, stamping her 
 foot. 
 
 "No," answered Gabriel, "I mustn't. It 
 keeps their feelin's hurt for a hull day. Th' 
 Perfessor would n't like it." 
 
 " I don't care, Gabe, you jest say it." 
 
 " Say what ? " asked the Poet, overcome with 
 curiosity. 
 
 " W'y," explained Gabriel, "ye see, it 's th' 
 Perfessor's idee that these critters are jest as 
 good as he is. Ekel rights for man an' beast, 
 he calls it. You bet they're willin', consarn
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 'em ! It 's only when they want to run th' hull 
 place that he resorts to extreme measures, as he 
 says. Then he shouts a queer, heathen word at 
 'em, an' they sneak off like a dog caught suckin' 
 
 eggs." 
 
 Out of regard for the Professor's feelings 
 Gabriel proceeded with such comparatively 
 mild measures as flicking Mrs. Cowslip with 
 his whip, and trying ineffectually to push the 
 bull-calf toward the barn. The colt danced 
 about, nipping at him with bared teeth. But it 
 was Reginald who brought things to a climax. 
 The pig, escaping the teeth of the terrier, ran 
 between Gabriel's legs, sending him sprawling 
 on his back. 
 
 "Say it, Gabe," called out Amanda. 
 
 "You bet I '11 say it!" Gabriel replied, ris- 
 ing and confronting the four-footed mutineers, 
 now grouped as though conscious that they 
 had carried matters a trifle too far. Throwing
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 out his chest, Gabriel thundered the single 
 word : 
 
 "ABRACADABRA!" 
 
 The effect was magical. The Poet and his 
 sister could hardly believe their eyes. Instantly, 
 with head drooping in the most dejected man- 
 ner, the colt started toward the barn, followed 
 by Mrs. Cowslip and the bull-calf, their tails 
 now drooping and sorrowful. Next went the 
 goat with conscience-smitten mien, and at the 
 end of the melancholy file was the pig, squeal- 
 ing plaintively, all the kink out of his tail. 
 
 "Wait a bit, this won't do at all! " suddenly 
 exclaimed the Poet, with more excitement in 
 his voice than his sister had ever before noted. 
 
 "Do ye want to be a friend to th' critters?" 
 inquired Gabriel. 
 
 "I 'm going to be a brother to them," said 
 the Poet. 
 
 " And I 'm going to be a sister to them, poor
 
 THE TWO-LEGGED PARTNERS 
 
 things!" said Galatea. "Didn't the Professor 
 have some word with which he expressed his 
 forgiveness, and his love, with a gentle reproof 
 and warning to be more careful in the future?'* 
 she added, looking at Gabriel with soft appeal 
 in her eyes. 
 
 " Sartin 5 , sartin'." Gabriel scratched his head. 
 "I can't jest remember. It begun the same, 
 with a-b ab " 
 
 "Of course," broke in the Poet. " The can- 
 onical form of pronouncing absolution." 
 
 He ran after the delinquents, calling them 
 by name : " O Mrs. Cowslip ! Clarence ! Gus- 
 tavius! William! Reginald!" 
 
 They stopped and looked back penitently. 
 Galatea ran to her brother's side. He held out 
 his hands and cried: 
 
 "ABSOLVO!" 
 
 "Absolvo, absolvo!" echoed Galatea. 
 
 Cheerfully, but with subdued spirits, Bos, 
 -37'"
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 Equus and Co. gathered about their new friends, 
 accepting their forgiveness with various tokens 
 of gratitude. The pig lay down at Gala- 
 tea's feet, grunting contentedly, while the colt 
 brushed her cheek with his velvet muzzle. 
 The Poet felt a warm nose in his hand, and 
 was not amazed to find it was his late enemy's, 
 the goat's.' 
 
 "Well, darn my skin!" said Gabriel. 
 
 "Galatea, I think we shall do very well 
 very well indeed," said the Poet.
 
 WARNING TO THE HORSELESS 
 
 II 
 
 Fair Warning to the Horseless 
 
 EATED on the veranda, in a 
 low lawn-chair which caused 
 his long shanks to thrust his 
 angular knees up to the level of 
 his chin, the Poet was perusing 
 the Odes of Horace in the original text, and 
 pencilling their English equivalent on the leaves 
 of a small writing-pad. His handwriting was 
 large and careless. Every minute or two he tore 
 a filled sheet from the pad and dropped it on 
 the edge of the veranda floor at his side. A 
 straggling honeysuckle vine concealed from 
 him the fact that William was present, and that, 
 as each sheet fell to the floor, the goat was con- 
 suming it with every evidence of appreciation.
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 Probably never before had a translation of Hor- 
 ace met with such instant success. 
 
 But presently William, becoming impatient 
 at the Poet's deliberation, seized a sheet out of 
 his hand and stood detected. At the same in- 
 stant a musical peal of laughter from the open 
 window of the breakfast room proved that the 
 Poet's sister had been a delighted witness of 
 the disaster. After one startled look about him, 
 the Poet realized that the goat's attentions had 
 been indeed thorough. He had recourse to his 
 customary whimsical philosophy. 
 
 "Galatea," said the Poet gravely, "do you 
 observe that the whole of my manuscript has 
 been accepted without reading ? That is the 
 highest compliment possible to pay a poet." 
 
 " And yet you hear it everywhere that the 
 classic poets are not appreciated nowadays." 
 
 The girl, still laughing, joined her brother 
 on the veranda. She was all in pink fluffy 
 ...40-..
 
 WARNING TO THE HORSELESS 
 
 pink, with a fluffy pink thing flapping above her 
 mahogany tresses, producing an effect impos- 
 sible to describe, fatal to another woman, in 
 her case charming. The goat put his forefeet 
 on the veranda and seemed to nod his approval. 
 
 "William," said the Poet, "you have given 
 me an idea ^an idea which may influence my 
 whole career." 
 
 " Why not ? ' ' commented Galatea. " Have n't 
 you and I been duly initiated as members of 
 the firm of Bos, Equus and Co. ? Are n't all our 
 interests mutual ? " And again she laughed. 
 
 " I have long been undecided," resumed the 
 Poet, "as to whether my muse is classical and 
 for the few, or modern and for the many; or, 
 indeed, whether I should not give up poetry for 
 the plough. William, it shall be for you to de- 
 cide. I will now compose something for the 
 masses. If you accept it instantly, as you have 
 accepted my Horatian Odes not for publi- 
 ...41...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 cation, it is true, but er but for purposes 
 best known to yourself, I shall at once take 
 steps to become an honest husbandman. If, 
 however, you decline what I am about to offer 
 you, I shall consider myself a properly ordained 
 Poet of the People, and shall act accordingly. 
 William, a grave responsibility rests upon your 
 discrimination." 
 
 The goat nodded with an intelligent expres- 
 sion, his venerable beard sweeping the floor. 
 
 "O George, how perfectly absurd! " laughed 
 Galatea. 
 
 The Poet scribbled on his pad for a couple 
 of minutes, tore off the sheet, and offered it to 
 William. The goat sniffed at it, and appeared 
 doubtful. 
 
 "You are quite right, William. Others have 
 found my handwriting illegible. I will read it 
 to you." 
 
 The Poet read: 
 
 ...42-..
 
 WARNING TO THE HORSELESS 
 
 " Sir Mortimer's poems of note 
 Were despised by his lady's pet goat. 
 
 The goat said, * Oh pschutt ! ' 
 
 And proceeded to butt 
 Sir Mortimer into the moat." 
 
 "Now, William, it's up to you," said the 
 Poet, as his sister, regardless of her fluffy pink 
 finery, sat down on the floor and shrieked. 
 
 But already the goat, looking deeply embar- 
 rassed, was trotting off toward the barn. 
 
 "That settles it," said the Poet solemnly. 
 "I am ordained Poet of the People." 
 
 Galatea got up, gurgling, and rested her 
 flushed cheek on her brother's collar. 
 
 "George, you 're the most delicious old thing 
 ever created." 
 
 He held her off, regarding her curiously. 
 
 "All in pink? Nothing like pink to show 
 dirt. Wherefore all this regardlessness of ex- 
 pense, Galatea?" 
 
 ...43...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 She took a letter from her bosom and gave 
 it to him. 
 
 " It 's from Arthur. It came in the morning 
 mail. I didn't want to disturb you and Wil- 
 liam in your literary labors. You'd better 
 read it now." 
 
 The Poet read : 
 
 "'I'm taking a little spin out your way in my 
 new Red Ripper. Will reach your place about 
 noon. If you 've nothing else to do, we can 
 have a whirl down the old Post Road and back 
 before two o'clock. Then I must be off to 
 Stamford on an important engagement about a 
 portrait in fact, it means the price of this 
 modest luxury on wheels. But do give me the 
 two hours. Think what poetic wonders George 
 may accomplish in that time, undistracted by 
 your luminous presence.' ' 
 
 "'Luminous presence' isn't bad," com- 
 mented the Poet. "That is, for Arthur. Don't 
 ...44...
 
 THE GOAT SEEMED TO NOD HIS APPROVAL
 
 WARNING TO THE HORSELESS 
 
 you give him any of your impudence, Galatea. 
 We can't afford to quarrel with people who 
 can own Red Rippers/' 
 
 "Rubbish, George. Arthur is sometimes 
 very trying. He is n't half as handsome as he 
 thinks he is." 
 
 "But you are, Galatea. Be charitable. You 
 could do much worse than go through life in 
 in a Red Ripper. Noon, did you say ? " 
 
 The Poet looked at his watch. " Why, it 's 
 eleven-forty already. Hello ! What 's the mat- 
 ter with our four-legged partners?" 
 
 Cleopatra, with Clarence at her side, had 
 galloped up the driveway from the bottom of 
 the pasture, and stopped, with head up, snort- 
 ing loudly at something down the road. The 
 colt could not snort as loudly as his mother, 
 but he made up by snorting twice as often. 
 Mrs. Cowslip and Gustavius, the bull-calf, quite 
 in the dark as to the cause of the excitement, 
 ...45...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 but willing to become excited themselves, were 
 stopping en route to snatch an occasional 
 mouthful of grass. Reginald's short legs were 
 flying in the distance, while he uttered plaint- 
 ive squeaks at being left behind. The goat was 
 giving him the assistance of an occasional butt 
 in the right direction. Napoleon, rudely awak- 
 ened out of a deep dream of peace, barked 
 wildly from the edge of the veranda. Amanda 
 came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on 
 her apron. 
 
 "For the land sakes, what ails the critters ?" 
 she asked of Gabriel, who had run up from the 
 potato-patch, armed with his hoe. 
 
 Gabriel ran to the side of the colt, glanced 
 down the road, and came back laughing. 
 
 " It 's one of them there hossless buggies," 
 he said. " The mare never could stand the 
 sight of 'em, and the colt takes after her. They 
 take it as a personal insult for a buggy to go
 
 WARNING TO THE HORSELESS 
 
 humpin' along like that without a hoss to pull 
 it." 
 
 "It's Arthur," said Galatea. "He's made 
 better time than he expected to, and he '11 be 
 unbearable." 
 
 The whirr of the wheels was now audible. 
 Cleopatra and Clarence, with a final snort of 
 rage, put their heads between their forelegs, 
 slashed out vindictively behind, and galloped 
 off to the far side of the driveway. The Red 
 Ripper turned in swiftly from the road, giving 
 Mrs. Cowslip the fright of her life as she 
 plunged, bellowing, to the rear of her defiant 
 equine comrades. At sight of the shining red 
 enamel, Gustavius, for one instant, contem- 
 plated a valiant charge, but thought better of 
 it barely in time to save his skin, if not his 
 dignity. 
 
 As though to make the affront beyond all 
 forgiveness, the driver of the red thing steered 
 ...47...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 straight on toward the barn, then, describing a 
 graceful circle about his outraged spectators, 
 returned and came to an abrupt halt near the 
 gateway. He lifted his cap to Galatea with easy 
 grace, and jumped from his seat to take the 
 Poet's outstretched hand. 
 
 " Good boy. You did that with almost hu- 
 man intelligence." The Poet's eyes twinkled 
 the nearest approach to a smile in which he 
 had ever been known to indulge. 
 
 " Yes ; rather neat, I call it. Is n't she a 
 beauty ? Only two tons weight and forty horse- 
 power ; maximum of sixty-nine miles an hour 
 on a level road ; climbs hills like a goat ; the 
 only sparking device that never hitches " 
 
 " Kind to women and children and stands 
 without hitchin'," drawled the Poet. 
 
 "Quit your kidding, George," and then, at 
 a loud snort from Cleopatra : " I say, George, 
 who 're your friends ?"
 
 WARNING TO THE HORSELESS 
 
 " Including Galatea and myself, they 're Bos, 
 Equus and Co." 
 
 " Oh, freedom of the place part of the 
 family, eh ? You 're a queer chap, George. They 
 don't seem quite friendly. I hate to break up a 
 happy home, you know." 
 
 "It does look like it, Arthur. The mare 
 can't bear the sight of a vehicle that is inde- 
 pendent of her services. The bull-calf resents 
 its brilliant color. Besides, they all hang to- 
 gether on general principles. However, Gala- 
 tea and I still retain a few of our characteristics 
 unchanged by these associations. We forgive 
 you." 
 
 Gabriel and Amanda returned to their duties 
 in potato-patch and kitchen. The Poet went 
 into the house, leaving the Artist with Galatea 
 on the veranda. She had given him her hand 
 with a bewildering smile, but as he immediately 
 began to chatter interminably about his auto- 
 ...49...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 mobile and the great things he was going to do 
 in the way of speed, her red lips shaped them- 
 selves into a curl that was not so pleasant, and 
 if he had noticed the satirical little side glances 
 she gave him now and then, his tone would 
 have been much less complacent. 
 
 The Artist was really an excellent fellow, 
 stalwart, straight-limbed, and undeniably hand- 
 some. His type originated with the new gener- 
 ation of popular fiction illustrators. You would 
 instantly recognize his smooth-shaven face, his 
 straight nose, and his determined chin for those 
 of the plain American young hero who walks 
 unconcernedly into the boudoir of the Crown 
 Princess of Grossbock (who falls desperately 
 in love with him at first sight), and presently 
 rescues her from the very foot of the throne, 
 dashing with her in his arms through a whole 
 regiment of Hussars, without turning a hair. 
 It was not to be expected that such a hero 
 ...50-..
 
 WARNING TO THE HORSELESS 
 
 would remain sacred to the romances over 
 which little girls weep tears of joy and longing. 
 The daughter of Isaac Ickleheimer called her 
 father's attention to him one day, and ever since 
 then he has adorned the advertising pages of 
 the magazines, attired in the most lovely ready- 
 to-wear clothes, with shoulders more than hu- 
 man. 
 
 But the Artist could n't help this, any more 
 than he could help chattering about his new 
 automobile to a girl who was dying to have 
 soft nothings whispered in her ear. After a 
 while Galatea, realizing that such hopes were 
 doomed to disappointment for the present, 
 abruptly choked off the dissertation on Red 
 Rippers by dragging the Artist in to luncheon. 
 
 With the human element thus eliminated, 
 now occurred one of those scenes which gave 
 to the present chronicler his chief inspiration. 
 
 The red thing being quiescent, Cleopatra and
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 Clarence had ceased their snorting and were 
 approaching cautiously, with occasional coy 
 side-prancings, yet with a curiosity in their eyes 
 that was not unmixed with vindictiveness. Mrs. 
 Cowslip and Gustavius grazed near by, with one 
 eye open to developments. William surveyed 
 the red thing speculatively, evidently wonder- 
 ing whether it offered a profitable opportunity 
 for butting, while Reginald, the pig, less im- 
 aginative than the others, rubbed one of his fat 
 sides tentatively against a rubber tire. 
 
 "Not so bad," grunted Reginald. "A bit 
 too smooth, that 'sail; don't seem to take hold 
 like the Professor's finger-nails " 
 
 " Look at that fool pig," whinnied Clarence 
 to his mother. " Reginald has no dignity. I 
 would n't demean myself by such condescen- 
 sion to an enemy with such a vile-smelling 
 breath." 
 
 "That proves that the thing is really alive,"
 
 WARNING TO THE HORSELESS 
 
 commented Cleopatra. "It's eaten something 
 that don't agree with it." 
 
 "It's breath smells just like Gabe's lantern 
 when he 's late with his work in the barn," 
 said Mrs. Cowslip, coming up, with Gustavius 
 by her side, shaking his sharp sprouts of horns 
 truculently. 
 
 The pig braced himself against a corner of 
 the metal framework in front, and grunted 
 with more unction : 
 
 "Ah! this is better." 
 
 "Why don't the thing show signs of life?" 
 complained Cleopatra. " Then I 'd know 
 where to plant my heels. It was lively enough 
 a little while ago." 
 
 Gustavius, with calf-like bellows of provo- 
 cation, was exercising his sharp little horns on 
 one of the rubber tires. 
 
 "Why should you be so incensed against 
 such a lumbering old thing ? " asked Mrs. Cow-
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 slip, with a placid glance at the mare. "Seems 
 to me you ought to be grateful to any sort of 
 wagon that would leave you free to enjoy your- 
 self." 
 
 " Trust an old cow not to see an inch be- 
 yond her own nose," snorted Cleopatra con- 
 temptuously. " Do you suppose I 'd be wel- 
 come in this family if I was n't useful ? There 's 
 nothing for me to do except pull the buggy, 
 or Gabe's wagon. Why, even that delightful 
 red-headed girl, who always has sugar in her 
 pocket, helps Amanda in the garden." 
 
 " True," admitted Mrs. Cowslip. " And I 
 give milk." 
 
 "Lucky for you," said Cleopatra signifi- 
 cantly. "When I think of my Clarence and 
 your Gustavius, I tremble." 
 
 Mrs. Cowslip looked startled. " What do 
 you mean, Cleopatra?" 
 
 " I don't want to alarm you, my dear, but I 
 ...54...
 
 WARNING TO THE HORSELESS 
 
 can't forget that day when Gabe got into the 
 calf's pen with a sharp knife in his hand." 
 
 " I 've heard of such calamities to my race," 
 whimpered Mrs. Cowslip, her moist nose turn- 
 ing pale ; " but it never occurred to me that 
 a child of mine " 
 
 " It was Amanda who dragged Gabe and his 
 knife away," continued Cleopatra. " Her words 
 ring in my ears yet. She said : * O Gabe, wait 
 till he 's older and we can roast him. I do love 
 roast beef; that's what Amanda said." 
 
 Mrs. Cowslip sidled affectionately up to Gus- 
 tavius, who was still worrying the rubber tire 
 with his sharp sprouts of horns, and licked his 
 cheek tenderly. 
 
 " Don't bother me, mother," said the 
 thoughtless bull-calf. '< I feel that I 'm making 
 an impression on this thing." 
 
 " If you do," said Cleopatra, "and it shows 
 signs of life, just you watch me, that's all " ; 
 ...55...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 and, laying back her ears, she experimented 
 with her heels to be sure that they were in 
 good working order. 
 
 " Me, too," said Clarence, following his 
 mother's example with a significance not to be 
 misunderstood. 
 
 " If you 're really making an impression," 
 bleated William to Gustavius, backing away 
 and shaking his horns, "one good, swift butt 
 ought to do the business." 
 
 Gustavius moved his hind quarters to one 
 side, and bored away with one horn as hard as 
 he could. 
 
 " Clear the track," bleated the goat ; " I 'm 
 coming ! " 
 
 On came William with a rush that aston- 
 ished even himself. The last leap was twelve 
 good feet in mid-air. With his neck stiffened 
 like a rod of steel, the roots of his horns struck 
 the rubber tire squarely just below the boring
 
 WARNING TO THE HORSELESS 
 
 sprout of Gustavius. There was an explosion 
 and a fierce puffof something in their faces that 
 sent both the goat and the bull-calf back on 
 their haunches. 
 
 " It 's alive ! It 's alive ! " shrieked Cleopatra, 
 as she wheeled about, filled with the joy of 
 battle. 
 
 Lashing out with her heels at the red thing 
 amidships, the mare's heels clattered among 
 the driving-levers most ominously. Clarence's 
 heels, being out of range in his excitement, did 
 no damage. They looked around, snorting, 
 awaiting the enemy's retort. To their surprise 
 the red thing remained motionless. 
 
 "Pshaw!" exclaimed Cleopatra, "what's 
 the use of attacking such a spiritless creature, 
 anyway?" 
 
 "In my opinion you 've killed it," said Mrs. 
 Cowslip. " I never saw such a smash in my 
 life." 
 
 ...57...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 "It was I who finished the thing," boasted 
 Gustavius, finding himself unhurt. " I felt its 
 last breath in my face." 
 
 William turned away in disgust. 
 
 The pig, engrossed with his own selfish pur- 
 suit of new dermatological sensations, had been 
 only momentarily disturbed by these events. 
 He felt that something was lacking. 
 
 " If I could only get my back under some- 
 thing," he complained. "I wonder if it's safe 
 to crawl under the thing?" 
 
 Reginald investigated, and was interested. 
 " There 's a lot of little jiggers under there that 
 look as though they 'd just fit my back." 
 
 He got down on his fore-knees and wriggled 
 under the red thing, grunting, while the others 
 still debated together on ways and means. 
 
 During luncheon Galatea's mood had soft- 
 ened. She was no longer piqued at the Artist's 
 detailed accounts of the wonders of his new au-
 
 WARNING TO THE HORSELESS 
 
 tomobile. Arthur, in a moment of intelligence, 
 had squeezed her hand under the table. 
 
 " In case of a break-down of any kind," ob- 
 served the Poet, " I suppose you carry all sorts 
 of tools and materials for repairs ? " 
 
 " I never give the matter a thought," said the 
 Artist. " She 's such a perfect piece of mechan- 
 ism that she can't break down." 
 
 " But suppose you should run over a pig, or 
 a cow, and " 
 
 " Oh, in that case I dare say the tool box 
 might come handy." 
 
 " Or punctured a tire ? " 
 
 " The Red Ripper's tires are warranted punc- 
 ture-proof" ; and the Artist entered into a long 
 technical description of the new and improved 
 process which had produced the Red Ripper's 
 impregnable tires. Galatea sighed several times, 
 but it was useless. 
 
 " After all," drawled the Poet at the first 
 ...59...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 opening caused by a fish-bone sticking in the 
 Artist's throat, " you can't make a sympathetic 
 companion of an automobile as you can of a 
 horse. Why, Galatea and I have the most im- 
 proving conversations with Cleopatra and the 
 
 Pig-" 
 
 " Yes," chimed in Galatea eagerly, " even 
 
 Gustavius, the bull-calf, understands everything 
 we say to him. It all proves the Professor's 
 theory that we don't give these domestic pets 
 half the credit they deserve for intelligent and 
 affectionate interest in us and our affairs." 
 
 " I 've heard of your Professor and his crazy 
 theories about animals," said the Artist, having 
 swallowed the fish-bone. "I '11 bet you do just 
 as he did you keep your pockets full of sugar 
 for the mare, and you scratch the pig's back." 
 
 "Arthur, you haven't the first concep- 
 tion" 
 
 " No, Arthur," broke in the Poet, seeing the 
 ...60-..
 
 WARNING TO THE HORSELESS 
 
 fire in his sister's eyes, " you could n't even see 
 that Cleopatra was aware that your Red Rip- 
 per is a menace to her means of livelihood." 
 
 " Pooh ! George, the mare is n't used to 
 automobiles, that 's all." 
 
 The Artist looked at his watch. " I think 
 we had better be going, Galatea ; I 've just 
 twenty-five minutes in which to whirl you 
 thirty miles and back." 
 
 Galatea disappeared, and returned in a mo- 
 ment with her fluffy pink costume, hat and all, 
 covered by a hooded cloak of gray silk which 
 became her exceedingly. The Artist put on his 
 cap and gloves. At that instant a series of heart- 
 rending squeals filled the air. 
 
 " Something has happened to Reginald ! " 
 exclaimed the Poet, and his long legs flew as 
 he rushed to the rescue. 
 
 When Galatea and the Artist caught up with 
 him, he was on his stomach half under the
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 Red Ripper, tugging with all his might at one 
 of Reginald's hind legs. The pig's squeals grew 
 louder and more hopeless. Cleopatra, the colt, 
 the cow, the bull-calf, and the goat, huddled 
 together, looked on from a distance with ex- 
 pressions of wondering innocence. Napoleon 
 barked furiously at the Poet's waving legs. 
 Gabriel came running up with a fence-rail on 
 his shoulder. The Poet emerged, perspiring 
 and baffled. 
 
 "The critter 's stuck, darn him! " said Ga- 
 briel. "We must lift the machine." 
 
 He thrust one end of the rail under the Red 
 Ripper's frame. " Now, all together ! " 
 
 The Poet and the Artist joined Gabriel with 
 their shoulders under the rail, the machine 
 rose an inch or two, and Reginald, choking 
 a final squeal in his throat, scrambled out. 
 At least three square inches of his back were 
 ravished of their bristles. Not a particle of 
 
 .-62.-
 
 WARNING TO THE HORSELESS 
 
 kink remained in Reginald's tail. Straight for 
 the barn he ran, emitting short grunts of relief 
 and contrition. 
 
 " Great snakes ! " exclaimed the Artist. 
 " Look at that rear tire. There 's a hole in it 
 you could throw a dog into." 
 
 Nobody could offer any explanation, the bull- 
 calf having forgotten all about it. The Artist's 
 eye suddenly lighted on the bent driving-levers, 
 and for half a minute his language was far from 
 polite. 
 
 " I warned you about Cleopatra," said the 
 Poet ; "but you would n't give the mare credit 
 for sufficient intelligence to protect her personal 
 interests." 
 
 "Do you think, Arthur, that we will be able 
 to whirl thirty miles and back in twenty-five 
 minutes with a flat tire?" inquired Galatea 
 innocently. 
 
 "Of course you can," said the Poet solemnly.
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 "The Red Ripper is such a perfect piece 
 of mechanism that she can do it on three 
 wheels." 
 
 "That's right, rub it in/' said the Artist. 
 "When I came out here I didn't count on 
 being hoodooed by these four-legged friends 
 of yours that can do everything but talk." 
 
 "They can talk too," retorted Galatea wick- 
 edly; "and they don't confine their harangues 
 to automobiles, either." 
 
 The Artist winced. Galatea had one more 
 shot for him. 
 
 "If you positively must be in Stamford at 
 three o'clock, I 'm sure Cleopatra will be only 
 too glad to oblige you." 
 
 "The blacksmith down to the station can 
 fix you up in ten minutes," spoke up Gabriel. 
 " He 's a reg'lar genius at tinkerin* up hossless 
 buggies." 
 
 "It's mostly down-hill to the station," said
 
 WARNING TO THE HORSELESS 
 
 the Poet ; " I 'm sure Cleopatra will be charmed 
 to assist the Red Ripper that far." 
 
 Galatea sat down on the ground and laughed. 
 
 "Gosh, yes," said Gabriel, starting for the 
 barn. "I '11 go an' git her harness." 
 
 The Artist surrendered. He sat down beside 
 Galatea, while the Poet looked the other way, 
 and whispered things that made her eyes shine. 
 
 When Gabriel reappeared with the harness, 
 a whiffletree and a stout chain, Cleopatra's com- 
 plete understanding of the situation could not 
 be doubted. She thrust out her head for the 
 collar, welcomed the bridle, and before the 
 straps were buckled trotted proudly into posi- 
 tion before the vehicle, which was now no better 
 than an ordinary buggy. 
 
 "Isn't shea dear?" said Galatea. 
 
 "All aboard; git in," said Gabriel. "Mind 
 and be careful about the brake it 's down- 
 hill." 
 
 ...65.-.
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 With a grimace the Artist placed himself in 
 the chauffeur's seat. Gabriel handed him the 
 reins. 
 
 "I'll foller an' bring back the mare," he 
 said. "Giddap, old gal." 
 
 ^Cleopatra looked around, shook her head, 
 and refused to budge. Gabriel laughed, and 
 looked at Galatea. 
 
 " You '11 have to git in. You can't fool the 
 mare; she sees you're dressed for drivin'." 
 
 The Poet, with great gravity, helped his sister 
 up beside the Artist. Galatea took the reins. 
 At her cheerful, familiar chirrup Cleopatra 
 stretched her fine muscles, and, while the colt 
 pranced about, kicking up his heels in irrepress- 
 ible joy at this warning to the horseless, dragged 
 the ponderous, vanquished enemy into the road 
 and away. Never before stepped a mare of pedi- 
 gree so proudly, nor trailed along a Red Ripper 
 so ignobly. 
 
 ...66-..
 
 PIG-MALION AND GALATEA 
 
 III 
 
 Pig-Malion and Galatea 
 
 ALATEA!" hailed the Poet 
 from the bottom of the stairs. 
 "Yes, George?" 
 "There 's a letter from Ar- 
 thur. Come down." 
 " I can't, this moment. Je suis en deshabille." 
 "I thought so; your voice sounds full of 
 pins. But you don't need to air your Vassar 
 French. The pig is n't listening." 
 
 " My French prose is better than your Eng- 
 lish verse. What does Arthur say ? " 
 "He'll be out here early." 
 "What for?" 
 
 " Girl, have a care 1 While you are about it, 
 make the most of the small charms with which 
 the good Lord has endowed you."
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 " I will, brother mine; I 'm expecting Reg- 
 inald to have his back scratched." 
 
 Truth to tell, the pig was already contem- 
 plating a call with that object in view. Since 
 early morning Cleopatra and her yearling colt, 
 Mrs. Cowslip and Gustavius, and William, the 
 big-horned one, had diligently cropped the 
 dewy grass of the lower lawn until their sides 
 bulged, while Reginald was so replete with 
 artichokes that he was constrained to sit on 
 his haunches and grunt stuffily while making 
 occasional rude comments on the gluttony of 
 his comrades. 
 
 "You have often reproved me for being 
 greedy," grunted Reginald as the colt harvested 
 a luscious bunch a yard from where he sat, 
 "yet I have never tried to eat up the whole 
 pasture between sunrise and noon." 
 
 "Don't give me any of your impudence," re- 
 torted Clarence, with his mouth full, "or I '11 
 ...68-..
 
 PIG-MALION AND GALATEA 
 
 shut my teeth on one of your ridiculous, flap- 
 ping ears." 
 
 " If you gave milk," commented Mrs. Cow- 
 slip, " you would understand the necessity of a 
 stomach filled with something better than arti- 
 chokes." 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! " laughed the pig, with his mouth 
 wide open. "The sides of your son bulge like 
 the sides of the barrel in which Gabe keeps your 
 breakfast of bran. Ha ! ha ! does Gustavius give 
 milk?" 
 
 "Let me at him, mother," said the bull-calf, 
 waving his tail aloft and lowering his horns. 
 " I '11 teach him ! " 
 
 "No, you don't," said the pig, showing sur- 
 prising agility. " You greedy fellows annoy me ; 
 I 'm going to the house and get that red-headed 
 girl to scratch my back." 
 
 So intensely satisfied with himself that the 
 kink in his tail tightened to the verge of dis-
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 comfort, Reginald scampered across the lawn 
 and up the steps leading to the veranda. With 
 his forefeet on the top step he halted at a gruff 
 challenge from Napoleon. The bull-terrier, 
 with teeth unpleasantly visible, barred his way 
 to the door. 
 
 "My goodness," said the pig, with easy as- 
 surance, "how you startled me! You were 
 always such a joker." And Reginald got his 
 forefeet on the veranda floor. 
 
 " Now, that 's the limit," growled Napoleon. 
 " One step farther, and I '11 have your ears in 
 ribbons." 
 
 "You don't know how handsome you are 
 when you put on that fierce look," said the pig in 
 flattering tones. " Any stranger would believe 
 you in earnest. But you and I know each other." 
 
 "What do you want?" growled Napoleon, 
 somewhat mollified in spite of himself by the 
 pig's flattery. 
 
 ...70-..
 
 PIG-MALION AND GALATEA 
 
 " I 've nothing to conceal from you, Napo- 
 leon. I never have. I 've come to get that 
 lovely red-headed girl to scratch my back." 
 
 "You'll have to wait; she 's inside." 
 
 " I '11 go right in," grunted Reginald com- 
 placently; "no trouble at all, I assure you. 
 Just step one side, Napoleon, and I won't dis- 
 turb you in the least." 
 
 "You'll come right in?" Napoleon was 
 boiling with indignation. " Who ever heard of 
 a pig in the parlor? You'll get right out of 
 here before I make you." 
 
 Reginald assumed a look of injured amaze- 
 ment as he replied : " Is it possible, Napoleon, 
 that you really mean to do me this injustice ? 
 Have you forgotten that we are all on terms of 
 equality here ? " 
 
 "Not in the parlor," growled Napoleon. 
 "No pig gets into our parlor, not if I know 
 it." 
 
 ...71,..
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 "But you go into the parlor whenever you 
 please," grumbled Reginald. 
 
 " It 's part of my business to go all over 
 the house and see that there 's no trespassing. 
 That 's what 's been expected of us dogs ever 
 since the world began. Amanda raised an awful 
 row that time the colt got in the kitchen. But 
 I was n't to blame, being away from home with 
 Gabe and Cleopatra." 
 
 The pig, with all the stubbornness of his race, 
 refused to be convinced. 
 
 "The Professor used to invite me in often," 
 he complained. "The red-headed girl would, 
 too, I 'm sure, if she knew I was here." 
 
 "No, she would n't. She's busy with that 
 automobile chap. Can't you hear their voices 
 through the window?" 
 
 Reginald listened. Yes, it was the voice he 
 loved so well when accompanied by the de- 
 licious sensation of one of Amanda's cast-off 
 ...72...
 
 PIG-MALION AND GALATEA 
 
 nutmeg-graters being rubbed smartly up and 
 down his spine. It was cool and even, and was 
 saying : 
 
 " No, Arthur, I won't go for a walk, thank 
 you. I don't think I like you very well to-day. 
 You explain that you walked over from the 
 station out of regard for the feelings of Cleo- 
 patra and Clarence, and yet you are wholly 
 oblivious of my feelings. You come out here 
 without your Red Ripper on an ideal day for 
 a spin, and then you add insult to injury by 
 talking of nothing else. Arthur, I hate your 
 Red Ripper, I despise its phenomenally per- 
 fect sparking device, I loathe its triple-speed 
 gear" 
 
 The pig lifted up his voice in supplication. 
 It was not in vain. Galatea emerged upon the 
 veranda, smiling a welcome to Reginald, whom 
 the Artist regarded with dark looks of resent- 
 ment. 
 
 ...73...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 " Good-morning, Reginald ; won't you be 
 seated?" she said brightly, dragging forward 
 an easy-chair. 
 
 The intelligent pig scrambled into the chair, 
 making confidential little throaty grunts out 
 of the side of his mouth into the ear of his 
 hostess. The bull-terrier satisfied his dignity 
 by barking one brief comment for Reginald's 
 benefit: 
 
 "Now what do you think? This isn't the 
 parlor. Perhaps you '11 understand after this 
 that the veranda is the limit, for a pig." 
 
 "Hush, Napoleon," commanded the red- 
 headed girl. "Here, get up beside Reginald 
 and make him feel at home." 
 
 It was a wide chair. After but one in- 
 stant of disgusted hesitation, the bull-terrier 
 obeyed. 
 
 " What has the terrier done that he should 
 be so humiliated?" asked the Artist, who 
 ...74...
 
 PIG-MALION AND GALATEA 
 
 had even more than the average man's respect 
 for dogs as compared with other domestic ani- 
 mals. 
 
 The girl ignored the question. There was 
 something odd and unfamiliar in her manner, 
 a peculiar glint in her eye, her full lips were 
 drawn in a straighter line than usual. Having 
 no professional interest in the scene, the Artist 
 unluckily for him observed none of these 
 ominous signs. Galatea shook her finger in the 
 terrier's face. 
 
 "Napoleon, your manner toward Reginald 
 is not cordial. Sit closer ! " 
 
 The terrier meekly obeyed. The pig gave 
 him an expansive smile. The Artist began an 
 impulsive protest : 
 
 "Oh, now, I say, Galatea " 
 
 " Napoleon ! Reginald ! Salute each other! " 
 
 The dog thumped the chair with his tail, 
 the pig grunted amiably, and they pressed their 
 ...75...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 cheeks together like affectionate children. The 
 lank figure and solemn visage of the Poet ap- 
 peared in the door. 
 
 "What is Napoleon's crime that he should 
 surfer such punishment?" he inquired. 
 
 "Just as I was remarking," began the Art- 
 ist; "but- 
 
 "That will do," said the girl, taking no no- 
 tice of these comments. " Now sit up and look 
 pleasant; you are about to have your pictures 
 taken by a very celebrated artist." 
 
 Both Reginald and Napoleon assumed at- 
 titudes really remarkable for their ease and 
 naturalness. 
 
 "Ahem!" began the Artist, growing very 
 red in the face, and stopped abruptly at a coolly 
 inquiring glance from Galatea. 
 
 " Do I understand," she inquired frigidly, 
 " that you take the absurd position of Paderew- 
 ski, Calve, Jean de Reszke, and other public
 
 PIG-MALION AND GALATEA 
 
 favorites, and disdain to exhibit your art upon 
 social occasions ? " 
 
 "Not at all," answered the Artist hastily, 
 while the Poet regarded them solemnly, but 
 with a twinkle in his eye. " No, but Well, 
 you see, I I am not accustomed to have pigs 
 sit to me for their portraits at least, not upon 
 social occasions." 
 
 " It is perhaps as well that you should un- 
 derstand fully that Reginald is a personal friend 
 of mine, and that we are on terms, not only of 
 sympathetic affection, but of perfect equality." 
 And the girl placed her arm about the pig's 
 neck with a caressing touch that sent him into 
 a transport of appreciative grunts. 
 
 " If I thought that you were guying me " 
 
 The girl turned upon him sharply. " Have 
 
 I ever insinuated that you were guying me 
 
 when you compelled me to listen for hours to 
 
 mechanical details about your Red Ripper ? I, 
 
 ...77...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 to whom poets are proud to read their original 
 manuscripts in advance of publication ?" 
 
 "Arthur," said the Poet gravely, "Galatea 
 is right. This is a case of love me, love my pig. 
 Your professional pride need not suffer. In fact, 
 the result of your labors may bear appropriately 
 a title that is classical." He turned to his sister. 
 " Galatea, I assume that you are to be in the 
 picture you will sit with the pig?" 
 
 "Certainly," said the girl, as a swift glance 
 of understanding passed between brother and 
 sister. 
 
 " Why, then, just consider, Arthur," said the 
 Poet cheerfully, "you can send your picture to 
 the Fall Exhibition catalogued as, ' Pig-Malion 
 and Galatea/ " 
 
 The girl laughed in spite of herself. Even 
 the over-serious Artist was not proof against a 
 conceit so pungent. But Galatea's mood puzzled 
 and disturbed him, for he really loved her as
 
 PIG-MALION AND GALATEA 
 
 self-complacent young men often do love girls 
 of keen wit and analytical minds. 
 
 "Unfortunately," he said, "I have no draw- 
 ing materials with me." 
 
 " I can supply them," replied the girl, rising. 
 
 Reginald grunted reproachfully and started 
 to scramble down from the chair. 
 
 "O Reginald, forgive me. I had forgotten 
 you came to have your poor back scratched." 
 
 She turned to the Artist. "Arthur, kindly 
 hand me that nutmeg-grater over by the honey- 
 suckle vine." 
 
 The Artist obeyed. The pig grunted in 
 grateful anticipation. Galatea applied the nut- 
 meg-grater where she knew by experience it 
 would do the most good. Napoleon sniffed dis- 
 gustedly, jumped down from the chair, and 
 went to the Poet for consolation. 
 
 "Now, Arthur," said the girl presently, 
 handing him the nutmeg-grater, "you attend 
 ...79...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 to Reginald while I go for the drawing ma- 
 terials." 
 
 The Artist took the unfamiliar instrument, 
 looked at it, and then at the pig, and then at 
 Galatea. He seemed dazed. As has been re- 
 marked before in this truthful narrative, the 
 Artist was a most correct and proper young 
 man. He was fashionably dressed, and with 
 excellent taste. He would have considered it 
 a crime to wear a cravat that disagreed by so 
 much as a single dot or stripe from the prevail- 
 ing mode. The thought of having in any way 
 transgressed the rules of good form, as laid 
 down in the exclusive club of which he was a 
 member, would have tortured him for weeks. 
 Could he conscientiously scratch a pig's back 
 with a cast-off nutmeg-grater ? 
 
 Galatea drew up a chair close to that occu- 
 pied by Reginald. " Come, Arthur ; you will 
 not find Reginald ungrateful."
 
 PIG-MALION AND GALATEA 
 
 "Galatea," said the Artist, with a suppli- 
 cating glance into the girl's eyes as he moved 
 toward the vacant chair, "when I leave this 
 evening will you walk part way to the station 
 with me?" 
 
 "Are you going to be a true friend to my 
 friend to Reginald?" 
 
 The Poet had strolled to the other end of 
 the veranda. 
 
 "Yes, Galatea. You could have no friend 
 who would be unworthy of my friendship." 
 In spite of the nutmeg-grater in his hand, in 
 spite of the waiting pig, his manner and his 
 voice were romantic. 
 
 "Yes, Arthur, then I will walk with you to 
 the station." But the smile she gave him was 
 reflective, and at least half of it rested on the pig. 
 
 The Artist sat down obediently and applied 
 the nutmeg-grater with a will to Reginald's 
 back. Galatea disappeared within the house.
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 Presently she was heard calling to her brother. 
 The Poet followed her. He found her in the 
 library, sitting limply in a straight-backed chair 
 and holding her handkerchief to her mouth. 
 With a gesture of warning she dragged him 
 into her own little den off the library, closed 
 the door, and gave her merriment full rein. 
 The Poet regarded her solemnly. Presently she 
 was able to speak, though her phrases were 
 interrupted by convulsions of cachinnation. 
 
 " George, it is perfectly clear that in one 
 respect Arthur is hopeless Never, never, 
 never never in this world will he acquire the 
 slightest sense of humor. Think of it ! At this 
 moment with an old nutmeg-grater, he is 
 scratching a pig's back with all the serious- 
 ness and attention to detail that he would 
 give to a portrait of the Empress of Russia 
 George, a little while ago I was angry with 
 Arthur. I thought him stupid, self-sufficient, 
 ...82-..
 
 PIG-MALION AND GALATEA 
 
 insufferable. But now, when I think of him 
 out there irreproachably attired scratch- 
 ing Reginald's back with all the grave po- 
 liteness and earnestness with which he 
 would hand around cups of tea at one of Mrs. 
 Van Rensellaer's afternoons I I almost 
 love him." 
 
 The Poet had not even smiled. 
 
 "Galatea," he said, without a trace of his 
 customary solemn banter, "don't you carry this 
 thing too far with Arthur. He 's as good as 
 gold. He 's a young man among a million." 
 
 " George, Arthur is more than human. I 
 won't have it. He 's got to let himself down, 
 like ordinary people." 
 
 " He is a man of honor honor that is deep- 
 rooted, ancestral." 
 
 a He is a slave to the perfectly correct forms 
 endorsed by the Knickerbocker Club." 
 
 " He is a gentleman. He lives in the coun- 
 
 ...83--
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 try upon acres that are his own, and is a father 
 to those who serve him." 
 
 "He is sacred to the memory of 'noblesse 
 oblige,' and he rubs it in." 
 
 " Galatea, you are an impudent and improvi- 
 dent young woman. As your legal guardian I 
 would feel justified in locking you in your 
 room, and keeping you there until you could 
 realize the blessings you have and the oppor- 
 tunities that are open to you." 
 
 " George, you are becoming almost as stupid 
 as Arthur is. I would n't have thought it of 
 you. Listen. I am going to reform Arthur. I 
 admit he 's worth saving. It is hopeless ever to 
 expect him to develop a sense of humor, but 
 he shall at least cultivate a sympathetic interest 
 in Bos, Equus and Co." 
 
 She took from her desk and thrust into the 
 Poet's hands pencils and a sheet of Bristol 
 board.
 
 PIG-MALION AND GALATEA 
 
 " Take these to Arthur, please. I '11 join you 
 in a minute." 
 
 The Poet shook his head doubtfully, but 
 obeyed. The girl stood for a moment with her 
 finger on her lip, smiling. Then she took from 
 a work-basket needles and thread and a yard or 
 two of faded pink ribbon, and, picking up a 
 somewhat dilapidated specimen of the fluffy 
 chiffon headgear which she affected, she re- 
 turned demurely to the veranda where the Art- 
 ist was still painstakingly exercising the nut- 
 meg-grater on Reginald's back. The pig lifted 
 his nose and grunted in her face, with language 
 that could not be misunderstood : 
 
 "Ah, at last! Our mutual friend here has 
 been doing his best, but he falls short of ex- 
 actly the right touch. Evidently he 's inexpe- 
 rienced." 
 
 " Thank you, Arthur," said Galatea ami- 
 ably, accepting the post which the Artist sur-
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 rendered to her. "Reginald says you have been 
 very attentive. Now he will reciprocate by 
 posing in his very best manner. Attention, 
 Reginald!" 
 
 The pig assumed a serious and dignified ex- 
 pression. The girl sat beside him, placing the 
 chiffon affair daintily over his ears. The Artist 
 seated himself opposite with pencils and draw- 
 ing-board. The Poet leaned against the veranda 
 rail and looked over the Artist's shoulder. His 
 long visage had resumed its customary expres- 
 sion of whimsical solemnity. The Artist's man- 
 ner was unaffectedly professional. 
 
 "Does the hat belong to the pose?" he asked. 
 
 "Yes," said Galatea. "The idea is that of a 
 girl thoughtful for the comfort of her dumb 
 friend. To protect his head from the rays of 
 the July sun she places upon it the hat taken 
 from her own head, already well protected by 
 nature." 
 
 -.86...
 
 PIG-MALION AND GALATEA 
 
 "True," commented the Poet. "I 've often 
 thought how chagrined the July sun must feel 
 when he attempts to vie with your blazing top- 
 knot." 
 
 "As a matter of fact," went on Galatea com- 
 posedly, "the flies have been worrying poor 
 Reginald's ears terribly. Hereafter he shall have 
 the same protection as other civilized beings." 
 
 The Artist's pencil moved swiftly. With 
 needle and thread Galatea attached a pink rib- 
 bon to each side of the hat, while Reginald 
 grunted confidential inquiries in her ear, and 
 then tied them in a bow under his fat chin. 
 
 " There, Reginald, you 're perfectly lovely. 
 Now if you '11 promise to sit perfectly still for 
 five minutes, while the gentleman takes your 
 picture, I '11 give your back my personal atten- 
 tion." And she showed him the nutmeg-grater. 
 
 " Your goodness of heart is only exceeded by 
 your beauty," grunted the grateful pig as plainly
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 as words could have said it. " Believe me, I 
 shall always be responsive to your slightest 
 wish/' 
 
 " I have an idea," said the Poet. " If you 
 will excuse me I will go and indite a Disserta- 
 tion on a Pig That was Not Roasted." And he 
 disappeared into the house. 
 
 From time to time Galatea stole a glance at 
 the Artist's face. It had the composure of a 
 painter whose mind is concentrated on his sub- 
 ject and who feels that he is doing conscientious 
 work. A look of more than admiration came 
 into the girl's eyes. They grew tender. The 
 nutmeg-grater had dropped from her hand, and 
 she was deaf to the wheedling grunts of Reg- 
 inald. Presently she seemed troubled, as though 
 dissatisfied with herself. 
 
 "Arthur," she said gently, "I did n't expect 
 you to do more than make a rough sketch." 
 
 " Oh, that 's all right, Galatea. This is a new
 
 PIG-MALION AND GALATEA 
 
 and valuable experience to me. I 've neglected 
 animals. I could n't have a better chance than 
 this. Would you mind asking Reginald to turn 
 his face a trifle to the left ? There that 's 
 splendid." 
 
 The girl bit her lip and tapped with her foot 
 on the floor. She even gave Reginald an im- 
 patient glance. 
 
 " I never realized until now," said the Artist, 
 as he took a steady look at Reginald's profile, 
 " how much expression there is in a pig's face." 
 
 " Indeed ? " said Galatea shortly. 
 
 " Of course Reginald is an exceptional pig. 
 He has advantages, and associations, which few 
 pigs enjoy." 
 
 A sharp retort leaped to the girl's lips, but a 
 glance at the Artist's perfectly serious and pre- 
 occupied expression caused her to stifle it. 
 
 "I had a horse once," he went on, as he 
 limned Reginald's snout with a sure hand,
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 "who actually smiled in the most convincing 
 manner. There was no mistaking it. I suppose 
 that was because I spent so much time with 
 him. After all, it is not so wonderful if domes- 
 tic animals do acquire traits of some human 
 friend who gains their confidence and their 
 affection." 
 
 Now this was one of Galatea's favorite argu- 
 ments. But, strangely enough, the Artist's en- 
 dorsement of it in the present situation did not 
 seem to appeal to her. She drew her chair away 
 from Reginald's, ignoring his reproaches, and 
 asked : 
 
 "Wouldn't you rather finish your sketch 
 some other time?" 
 
 " No ; I am ashamed now that I did not 
 accept your suggestion with greater enthusi- 
 asm Look up, Reginald ! that 's the idea 
 in the beginning. That double curve where the 
 jowl meets the neck is different from anything 
 ...90-..
 
 PIG-MALION AND GALATEA 
 
 I 've seen in another subject. Unless you 're 
 tired, I '11 be grateful for four or five minutes 
 longer." 
 
 He had hardly glanced at the girl. Clearly 
 the pig was claiming his whole attention. She 
 turned upon Reginald a look that paralyzed him 
 with amazement, and then addressed the Artist 
 in her softest voice : ~^ 
 
 " Do you think your automobile will be safe 
 where you left it, Arthur?" 
 
 " Oh, yes, perfectly. Look ! the intelligence 
 of Reginald is wonderful. I was just wishing for 
 a more serious expression, and he has already 
 assumed it. Wonderful, really wonderful ! " 
 
 " If some mischievous boy should tamper 
 with the rubber tires, I should feel to blame," 
 said Galatea. "There are no boys about here." 
 
 "No danger. Now if you '11 lift that bit 
 of chiffon out of Reginald's eyes Oh, you 
 frightened the poor chap ! " 
 ...91...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 Galatea turned her back on the pig. Once 
 more she tried to show her amicable inten- 
 tions. 
 
 " I did n't quite understand your explanation 
 of your new sparking device, Arthur. Does the 
 spark ignite the gasolene? Or does the gasolene 
 ignite the " 
 
 " Yes, that 's right Would you mind giv- 
 ing me one look at Reginald with the hat off? 
 I want to be sure about that right ear." 
 
 Galatea snatched the hat off so rudely that 
 the pig squeaked his sense of unmerited rebuke. 
 The Artist drew a few rapid lines and heaved 
 a sigh of satisfaction. He held up the sketch 
 for Galatea's inspection. 
 
 "Do you think it will pass?" 
 
 "Magnificent," she said, barely glancing at 
 it. "Thank you so much. Now, if you must 
 go, I '11 get my hat and walk with you." 
 
 " Oh, will you ? It is early. We can turn into 
 ...92-..
 
 41^ 
 
 I 
 
 SIT PERFECTLY STILL FOR FIVE MINUTES WHILE THE 
 GENTLEMAN TAKES YOUR PICTURE
 
 PIG-MALION AND GALATEA 
 
 that picturesque old wood-road, and you can 
 easily get back before dusk." 
 
 Galatea took the sketch into the house, and 
 presently returned wearing a hat which was 
 merely a fresher copy of the one which the 
 Artist had replaced on Reginald's ears. 
 
 "Shall we invite Reginald to accompany 
 us?" he asked. "He 's been so good." 
 
 Galatea's indignant surprise nearly betrayed 
 her. She managed to nod assent. 
 
 " Come, Reginald," said the Artist, cheerily. 
 
 The pig scrambled down, squeaking his de- 
 light, and the odd trio, all at cross-purposes and 
 none aware of it but the girl, passed out through 
 the gate and strolled down the road. Galatea 
 was silent. The Artist glanced at her with a 
 troubled look, but her head was bent and the 
 flapping chiffon thing on her coils of mahog- 
 any-colored hair concealed her eyes from his 
 view. The Artist's star was in the ascendant,
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 but he was the last who would have known 
 it. It was a situation that called for blunder- 
 ing and the Artist could be trusted to blun- 
 der. 
 
 "It was good of you to give me that chance 
 with the pig," he said. 
 
 "Reginald!" exclaimed the girl. "Regi- 
 nald, run home, at once," and she stamped her 
 foot at the astonished pig. 
 
 With plaintive squeaks Reginald obeyed, 
 making his short legs fly back over the road. 
 
 They walked on in silence until they had 
 entered the shadows of the wood-road. Sud- 
 denly Galatea sat down on a stump, put her 
 handkerchief to her eyes, and began to sob. 
 
 "Why, Galatea, what have I done!" The 
 Artist turned pale. "Are you ill? Shall I go 
 for help for a doctor?" 
 
 An emphatic shake from the shapeless chiffon 
 thing. 
 
 ...94...
 
 PIG-MALION AND GALATEA 
 
 " Do you want to be alone ? Shall I leave 
 you?" 
 
 Another shake and more sobs. 
 
 The Artist fell on his knees beside the stump 
 and dared to take her hand. 
 
 " Galatea, never in this world could I know- 
 ingly give you one moment's pain. You know 
 how I love you, and I know how hopeless is 
 my love. I shall continue to love you to my 
 dying day, and there is no sacrifice I would not 
 make to see you happy. Tell me, Galatea, how 
 I have offended you." 
 
 She raised her head and looked at him stead- 
 ily. He wondered that she did not look her 
 displeasure. Instead, there was something in her 
 expression he could not think what that 
 made his heart thump. 
 
 "Arthur," she said, "will you do just as I 
 tell you?" 
 
 " Only try me, Galatea."
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 "Stand out there, in the middle of the road." 
 
 He did so. She rose and faced him at arm's 
 length. 
 
 " In the first place, don't you dare to inter- 
 rupt or contradict me." 
 
 He bowed, wondering. 
 
 "Arthur, I 'm a mean, low, deceitful crea- 
 ture, and I don't deserve any consideration 
 whatever from anybody. Just now I 've made 
 up my mind to reform but that will take 
 time. I want you to come out to see us often 
 and note how I 'm getting on. Now, look over 
 your left shoulder." 
 
 He turned his face from her. Quick as a 
 flash she leaned forward, her lips brushed his 
 cheek, and the next instant she had turned 
 and was flying down the road homeward. He 
 stretched out his arms and started in pursuit of 
 her, crying out : 
 
 " Galatea ! Stop ! Come back ! " 
 ...96...
 
 PIG-MALION AND GALATEA 
 
 Then he remembered her commands, and, 
 seeing that she ran faster than ever, prudently 
 turned his steps in the opposite direction. But 
 he could n't feel his feet touch the ground. 
 Yet, in the midst of his tumult of exultation, 
 he was puzzled. Suddenly he smote himself on 
 the chest and exclaimed : 
 
 " Of course. It 's because I had sense enough 
 to be polite to the pig."
 
 THE OBSEQUIES OF BOS NEMO 
 
 IV 
 
 The Obsequies of Bos Nemo 
 
 X)T all was gladness and light 
 in the entwined lives of Bos, 
 Equus and Co. There came a 
 day early in July when the 
 confidence of Galatea and the 
 Poet in their four-legged partners was stretched 
 almost to the breaking-point. But for the wis- 
 dom of the Poet, which assured him that, after 
 all, civilization is only a thin veneer which is 
 liable to crack open under stress of provocation 
 and reveal the savage man or the unenlightened 
 beast, Mrs. Cowslip and her bull-calf, on that 
 memorable day, would have been condemned 
 to solitary confinement in the barn, while Na- 
 poleon, the bull-terrier, would have fallen vic- 
 tim to the flimsiest of circumstantial evidence.
 
 THE OBSEQUIES OF BO.S NEMO 
 
 Ordinarily the activities of Bos, Equus and 
 Co. did not have their daily awakening until 
 at least an hour of sunshine had striven with 
 the dew-laden meadow. Gabriel's duties were 
 light, and rheumatic warnings urged him against 
 braving early damps. Amanda, most energetic 
 of housewives, refrained from disturbing her 
 pots and pans out of regard for the Poet and his 
 sister, who dearly loved that last hour of slum- 
 ber made more sweet by the chirpings of early 
 birds under their windows. 
 
 On this particular morning the dozing Poet 
 was conscious that the voices of the birds were 
 eclipsed by ominous rumblings which, instead 
 of arousing him to complete consciousness, 
 plunged him into the midst of a perilous ad- 
 venture. He was on the deck of an ocean liner 
 enveloped in the dense fogs of that awesome 
 region off the Banks of Newfoundland. His 
 body and soul were shaken by the vibrations of 
 ...99...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 the siren, whose long-drawn warning was being 
 echoed from out of the mists. No, it was not 
 an echo it was another siren. Its menace was 
 growing louder ! A ghastly gray shape hove 
 near. The officer on the bridge seemed frozen 
 with terror. The relentless ocean, scoffing at 
 sirens and rudders, was hurling two ships into 
 a fatal embrace. The Poet jumped for a life- 
 preserver, striking his head violently upon 
 upon an old-fashioned walnut bedpost. 
 
 Then he realized that it was the melancholy 
 voice of Mrs. Cowslip, interrupted by lament- 
 ing bellows from Gustavius, that had so nearly 
 brought him to a watery grave. He ran to the 
 open window, and heard Amanda complaining : 
 
 " Gabe, what on earth is the matter with the 
 critters ? For the land sakes do git up ! " 
 
 From his window the Poet could see Mrs. 
 Cowslip and the bull-calf side by side, with 
 their necks stretched out over the barnyard
 
 THE OBSEQUIES OF BOS NEMO 
 
 gate, sending forth their lamentations toward 
 the bottom of the pasture, where the brook ran 
 under the stone-wall into a thicket of old wil- 
 low trees heavily encumbered with wild grape- 
 vines. He could hear Cleopatra and Clarence 
 clattering about uneasily on the floor of their 
 stalls, while Reginald squealed for his breakfast 
 with more than his usual insistence, and their 
 neighbors in the hennery cackled inquiringly. 
 
 Gabriel was kicking on his boots outside the 
 kitchen door when the Poet and Galatea hur- 
 ried down, eager to know how they could calm 
 the feelings of their four-legged partners. 
 
 " Oh, pshaw ! " said Gabriel, seizing a tin 
 milk-pail, "critters are like folks; they have 
 their ornery spells without knowin' what 's the 
 matter with 'em." 
 
 " I never saw Mrs. Cowslip paw the dust 
 up over her head before," said Galatea. " See ! 
 Now Gustavius is doing it."
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 " She 's giving her offspring lessons in some 
 mysterious rites of her species," said the Poet 
 oracularly. "I shall investigate and make a 
 note of it." 
 
 " No, it 's instinct," said Gabriel, as the 
 Poet and his sister accompanied him to the 
 barnyard. " You can edicate critters till you 're 
 blue in the face. You can teach 'em to act like 
 human folks almost, and then some day, all of 
 a sudden, they '11 forgit everything and do the 
 same fool things their great-grandmothers did." 
 
 Gabriel entered the barnyard with a three- 
 legged stool, butted his head into the flank of 
 Mrs. Cowslip, and proceeded to play a pleasant 
 tune on the bottom of the tin pail. Gustavius 
 was not distracted by this familiar operation. 
 Suddenly he redoubled his bellowings over the 
 barnyard gate. Mrs. Cowslip wavered between 
 surges of emotion and her respect for Gabriel. 
 
 "So, boss," commanded the man with the 
 
 102-
 
 THE OBSEQUIES OF BOS NEMO 
 
 half-filled pail between his knees. And then, as 
 Mrs. Cowslip switched her tail in his face: 
 "Standstill, darn ye!'* 
 
 Such language at such a time was not wise. 
 Mrs. Cowslip, ignoring intervening obstacles, 
 rushed to join Gustavius in a duet of lamenta- 
 tion, leaving Gabriel on his back with the milk- 
 pail overturned into his protesting bosom. He 
 rose, gasping, with arms hanging limp like a 
 man trying to get as far away from his clothes 
 as possible. At that moment Amanda emerged 
 wildly from the hennery, screaming : 
 
 " Gabe ! Gabe ! They *s only four eggs under 
 the speckled hen !" 
 
 "What's that?" asked Gabriel, startled out 
 of his fury at Mrs. Cowslip, although he could 
 feel streams of warm milk trickling down into 
 his boots. "Only four, Amanda? The hull 
 dozen was there, yesterday. I took the hen off 
 an' counted *em." 
 
 ...103...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 They looked at each other as though stunned 
 by a calamity too dreadful for words. Amanda 
 was first to recover her speech. Her eye traveled 
 down Gabriel's soaking garments to the tin pail 
 bottom up on the ground, and, with the gen- 
 uine feminine logic which men find so charm- 
 ing in such moments, she said : 
 
 " Gabe, I do believe you 've spilled all the 
 morning's milk ! " 
 
 " No/' drawled the Poet soothingly, " he has 
 it all in his pockets." 
 
 " Hush, George," said Galatea. And then to 
 Amanda: 
 
 " Were the eggs valuable ones ? " 
 
 "Valuable!" exclaimed Gabriel. "They 
 was only one settin' of 'em in th' hull county. 
 Amanda was crazy for 'em, and so was Si 
 Blodgett, darn the old hypocrite ! He and 
 Amanda bid against each other till I had to pay 
 fifty cents apiece for them eggs ! " 
 ... 104-
 
 THE OBSEQUIES OF BOS NEMO 
 
 " Oh dear ! " said Galatea. " Then they 
 were n't hen's eggs at all ?" 
 
 " Hen eggs ? I should say not. They were 
 Golden Guinea eggs, and no more to be had 
 for love or money." 
 
 Mrs. Cowslip and Gustavius lowed dismally, 
 casting dust upon their heads. 
 
 " There 's sympathy for you," observed the 
 Poet. "Never tell me again that a cow lacks 
 intelligence, or a bull-calf perspicacity. Any 
 one can see that they 're bemoaning disaster to 
 those eggs." 
 
 " For the land sakes, Gabe, turn the critters 
 out," said Amanda. 
 
 " No," said the Poet solemnly, disregarding 
 Galatea's warnings not to trifle with disaster, 
 " they must be held as witnesses ; a crime has 
 been committed." 
 
 Just then Napoleon crawled under the fence, 
 lifted one front paw, cocked one ear, and looked 
 ...105.-.
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 inquiringly in the face of the dripping Ga- 
 briel. Amanda seemed startled by a sudden sus- 
 picion. 
 
 " Gabe," she said, " do you suppose the 
 
 dog" 
 
 " I '11 settle that in two shakes of a lamb's 
 tail," said Gabriel, who had already divined 
 Amanda's suspicion. 
 
 He took the whimpering terrier by the col- 
 lar and dragged him toward the gate. 
 
 "Wait a bit; not so fast," said the Poet. 
 "Where 's your evidence against Napoleon ?" 
 
 Gabriel pointed to certain yellow stains 
 about the terrier's muzzle. 
 
 " That 's egg Golden Guinea egg at fifty 
 cents apiece. Open the gate, Mandy." 
 
 " What are you going to do?" demanded 
 the Poet. " You can't condemn and execute 
 a member of the firm of Bos, Equus and Co. 
 on one little bit of circumstantial evidence." 
 . . . 106- -
 
 THE OBSEQUIES OF BOS NEMO 
 
 "No, indeed not," said Galatea. 
 
 " But I can give him the third degree, darn 
 him, an* make him confess," declared Gabriel, 
 who, as constable of the township, had taken 
 pains to post himself on the latest police methods. 
 
 The suspected criminal, his accusers, and his 
 two champions, proceeded to the hennery and 
 to the nest of the incubating speckled hen, amid 
 a chorus of cackling inquiries. Straight up 
 to the ravished nest Napoleon was led. The 
 speckled hen pecked him sharply on the nose. 
 Napoleon yelped. 
 
 "There!" exclaimed Galatea. "It's per- 
 fectly plain that the hen could defend herself 
 against a small dog like Napoleon." 
 
 " Lift her off the nest," said Gabriel. 
 
 The speckled hen squawked, but Amanda 
 was firm. Galatea lifted up the terrier and 
 rubbed his nose in the nest. 
 
 "What did I tell ye?" said Gabriel in tri- 
 ...107...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 umph. " D' ye see the guilty look in his 
 face?" 
 
 " It is n't guilt," declared Galatea hotly ; 
 " it 's reproach reproach for your unjust 
 suspicions." 
 
 " It 's righteous indignation," said the Poet. 
 
 " It 's guilt," said Amanda, restoring the 
 hen to her four eggs. "When a dog has been 
 stealin' eggs, an* you rub his nose in the nest, 
 he always looks that way." 
 
 " Besides, there 's the yaller on his nose," 
 said Gabriel. " Napoleon, you 're goin' to git 
 th' lickin' of your lifetime." 
 
 " Wait," said Galatea. " That 's yellow paint 
 on Napoleon's nose. I repainted some croquet 
 balls yesterday, and he 's been playing with 
 them." 
 
 "Ah," said the Poet, "think of all the in- 
 nocent men who have been hanged on circum- 
 stantial evidence." 
 
 . . 108-
 
 THE OBSEQUIES OF BOS NEMO 
 
 "It 's egg," said Gabriel stubbornly. 
 
 " It 's paint," said Galatea. " Gabriel, don't 
 you dare punish Napoleon." 
 
 " At least it 's a case for the experts," ob- 
 served the Poet. "We must have a chemical 
 analysis of Napoleon's nose before he can be 
 convicted." 
 
 " Gosh ! " said Gabriel, " what a lot of fuss 
 all on account of a dog." 
 
 "You forget," said Galatea. "Napoleon is 
 a member of our family ; we 're all on terms 
 of equality here." 
 
 During this argument for and against the 
 guilt of Napoleon, Clarence, with his head 
 through a small window in the wall which 
 separated his stall from the hennery, had been 
 an interested spectator. As though to indicate 
 his approval of Galatea's last remark, he bared 
 his teeth and nipped Gabriel sharply in the re- 
 gion of his hip pocket. 
 
 ... 109 ...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 "Ouch!" said Gabriel. 
 
 " One more witness for the defense," said 
 the Poet. " Hello, what 's this ? " 
 
 A ragged-edged square of dark woolen cloth, 
 with a blue stripe, hung from a rusty nail in 
 the ledge of the window through which Clar- 
 ence had withdrawn his head in dodging a slap 
 from Gabriel. 
 
 " Behold ! " said the Poet, displaying the bit of 
 cloth, which was about the size of a man's hand. 
 " Behold proof of Napoleon's innocence ! " 
 
 "How d'ye make that out?" demanded 
 Gabriel. 
 
 " By the process known as inductive reason- 
 ing ; the same kind of reasoning which enabled 
 Edgar Allan Poe to solve the Nassau Street 
 murder mystery after the police had given 
 it up. It is perfectly plain that the thief who 
 stole those eight expensive eggs wore trousers 
 of the same pattern as this bit of cloth. In 
 ... no---
 
 THE OBSEQUIES OF BOS NEMO 
 
 taking the eggs from the nest he stood where 
 you were standing, Gabriel, when Clarence 
 nipped you. The speckled hen was not to be 
 ravished of her eggs without a struggle. She 
 pecked and she squawked. Clarence heard 
 her and flew to the rescue. He put his head 
 through the window, as he did just now, and 
 he nipped the thief just as he nipped you, Ga- 
 briel -- that is, in the region of the hip pocket. 
 Only in this case Clarence knew that he was 
 dealing with a violator of the law, and he 
 nipped deep. His teeth tore away and hung 
 upon that waiting nail the clue which will one 
 day convict the criminal. Look for the man 
 whose dark, blue-striped trousers have a patch 
 over or near the hip pocket. How strange are 
 the ways of justice ! " 
 
 "Well, I swan to man!" said Gabriel. 
 
 Amanda was twisting the corners of her apron 
 nervously. Gabriel gave her a stern glance. 
 in
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 " Mandy, have you been losin' any more keys 
 of the henhouse ? " 
 
 " I missed one yesterday," said Amanda 
 meekly. "Maybe I left it in the lock, havin' 
 my hands full of fresh eggs." 
 
 Gabriel snorted. He released Napoleon, who 
 ran to Galatea for consolation, and got it ; and 
 then the court adjourned to the barnyard, where 
 Mrs. Cowslip and Gustavius were still lament- 
 ing. 
 
 " I suggest," said the Poet, "that, as the case 
 is tolerably clear against the man with the blue- 
 striped trousers, we excuse these somewhat 
 doubtful witnesses, who seem to have troubles 
 of their own." 
 
 Thereupon all the four-legged members of 
 Bos, Equus and Co. were turned loose, and the 
 two-legged members repaired to the house in 
 search of their belated breakfast. 
 
 During the next hour the agony of mind
 
 THE OBSEQUIES OF BOS NEMO 
 
 displayed by Mrs. Cowslip and Gustavius was 
 somewhat eased by the fresh flavor of the dew- 
 washed grass with which they set about restor- 
 ing the rotundity of their sleek bodies. But they 
 grazed always in the direction of the stone fence 
 where the brook ran under it, and ever and anon 
 they lifted up their half-filled mouths and 
 mourned as eloquently as could be expected of 
 a cow and a bull-calf in such circumstances. 
 
 William, he of the big horns and whiskers, 
 who was similarly employed, there being no 
 succulent sheets or pillow-slips left out to bleach 
 at so early an hour, regarded his melancholy 
 companions with a coldly critical eye. Regi- 
 nald could be heard grunting thankfully among 
 the artichokes. It was Cleopatra and Clarence 
 who, alone, had sufficient good breeding to 
 accompany their morning repast with amiable 
 conversation. 
 
 "Mother," the colt was saying, "what do 
 ...113...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 you make of the extraordinary conduct of Mrs. 
 Cowslip and her offspring ? Is it colic, or is the 
 weather going to change?" 
 
 "My son," replied Cleopatra between nib- 
 bles, " when you have lived as long as I have, 
 you will cease all attempts to discover the mo- 
 tives which actuate the cow kind. Beings of 
 that species have no intelligence. They have 
 only a sort of blind instinct and an emotional 
 capacity which stamps them as primitive in the 
 extreme, and therefore unworthy to associate 
 on equal terms with our highly intellectual 
 race." 
 
 Clarence turned this chunk of wisdom over 
 in his mind several times, and, being unable to 
 assimilate it, observed : 
 
 " I overheard Mrs. Cowslip saying something 
 to Gustavius about smelling death in the air this 
 morning. I at once counted noses, and none of 
 the family was missing." 
 
 ... 114...
 
 THE OBSEQUIES OF BOS NEMO 
 
 " That reminds me, my son, that the cow 
 kind have a strange custom which probably 
 dates back to some prehistoric ancestor as su- 
 perstitious and unphilosophic as themselves. I 
 refer to their custom of holding unseemly cere- 
 monies over their dead. I remember once " 
 
 "But, mother," interrupted Clarence, for 
 the colt was young and Cleopatra was an indul- 
 gent parent, "there are none of the cow kind 
 in our family except Mrs. Cowslip and Gus- 
 tavius. You can see for yourself that they are 
 both alive." 
 
 " Have n't I told you, my son, that out 
 in the great world beyond the stone fence 
 which you may visit some day when you are 
 older there are many families like ours, in- 
 cluding the cow kind ?" 
 
 " Now I understand, mother ; perhaps some 
 Gustavius of the great world beyond the stone 
 fence has met with a violent death, and our Gus- 
 ...115...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 tavius and his mother feel some intimation of 
 it in the breeze which comes from that direc- 
 tion." 
 
 " My son," said Cleopatra, with a proud 
 glance at her offspring, "I see daily evidences 
 that the development of your intelligence does 
 credit to my teaching. Doubtless you have hit 
 upon the right solution of this mystery. Ob- 
 serve : Mrs. Cowslip and her son, as they graze, 
 proceed steadily in the direction of the stone 
 fence. It would not surprise me if you should 
 soon see with your own eyes some such cere- 
 mony as I have mentioned." 
 
 Cleopatra and Clarence continued their nib- 
 bling in silence, while each kept one specula- 
 tive eye upon the comrades whom they con- 
 sidered so far beneath them. William evidently 
 had pleasurable anticipations, also, for he post- 
 poned his usual morning observation of the 
 surrounding country from the woodshed roof. 
 ...116...
 
 THE OBSEQUIES OF BOS NEMO 
 
 Presently he was observed to rear his horns aloft 
 and stamp one foot menacingly. 
 
 " Look at that fool goat, mother,'* said Clar- 
 ence. " He 's forever looking for trouble." 
 
 Cleopatra raised her head and looked off 
 down the road. Then she went on quietly nib- 
 bling. 
 
 "Can you see anything, mother?" asked 
 Clarence, who was thrilling with curiosity. 
 
 " Nothing, my son nothing but that 
 strange young man in the buggy that runs 
 without my assistance." 
 
 " Gracious ! " exclaimed the colt, kicking up 
 his heels gleefully. "Now we '11 have fun." 
 
 " No, my son, the uncanny thing is beneath 
 our notice." 
 
 Clarence looked at his mother in astonish- 
 ment. 
 
 " The other time that evil-smelling red thing 
 came swooping into our front yard," he said,
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 " you kicked two ribs out of it because you said 
 it was a menace to our means of livelihood.'* 
 
 " Hush, my son. Were they not compelled, 
 after all, to rely on my services to get the thing 
 off the premises ? With a slight injury it had 
 no more life in it than an ordinary buggy. I 
 thought of this while I was dragging the clumsy 
 affair to the blacksmith shop. No, my son, that 
 sputtering red thing with the shocking bad 
 breath is a false alarm. Our occupation is 
 safe." 
 
 Indeed, the Artist, as he gracefully turned his 
 Red Ripper into the driveway and stopped near 
 the veranda, was relieved to notice that its late 
 enemies gave it only an indifferent glance. He 
 was attired from top to toe in the most irre- 
 proachable new automobile togs, and in his 
 buttonhole was an orchid of price purple, 
 shading delicately into pink. The Artist's spirits 
 appeared to be as high as his boutonniere was 
 ...118...
 
 THE OBSEQUIES OF BOS NEMO 
 
 high-priced. It was as though some invisible 
 herald had announced : " Lo, the bridegroom 
 cometh." The truth is, it was the Artist's first 
 visit since the day of Galatea's impulsive act 
 of penitence in the wood-road, and he still 
 thrilled with the memory of the swift kiss she 
 had left upon his cheek the instant before she 
 sped away. All this was well enough ; but it 
 was impossible for the Artist not to blunder. 
 His present blunder was in being over-confi- 
 dent in the memory of that kiss. 
 
 The moment the Poet's mahogany-haired 
 sister, in a trig costume of glossy white linen, 
 including the prettiest of high-heeled little slip- 
 pers, came out upon the veranda and cast her 
 eye over the immaculate, exultant visitor, you 
 would have been sorry for him sorry that 
 God had not gifted him with a modicum of 
 subtlety in matters feminine. 
 
 " Good-morning, Arthur." 
 ...119...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 Galatea's voice was as cool as one of Amanda's 
 unplucked cucumbers. 
 
 Arthur sprang lightly up the steps, and, 
 screened by the honeysuckle vine, seized her 
 hand and kissed it ardently. 
 
 " Why, Arthur ! Are you ill ? Has the sun 
 affected your head ? " 
 
 " Don't play with me, Galatea, I 'm too 
 happy so happy that I 'm serious. The time 
 has come for us to understand each other." 
 
 Galatea looked curiously at the much-kissed 
 hand. 
 
 " Arthur, you '11 forgive me if I confess to 
 doubts about ever being able to understand 
 you." 
 
 " Dear don't, don't say that, after that 
 moment in the wood-road." 
 
 " The wood-road ? " She put her finger pen- 
 sively to her lip. " Oh, yes, now I remember. 
 I brushed a mosquito off your cheek." 
 - 120
 
 THE OBSEQUIES OF BOS NEMO 
 
 The Artist would not be warned it was 
 not his fault, he was built that way. He took 
 her hand again. 
 
 " Galatea ! Galatea ! For the first time 
 you let me tell you how much I love you. 
 You confessed that you had not treated me with 
 consideration, and you asked me to come often 
 and note the progress of your reformation." 
 
 Here the Artist paused and kissed Galatea's 
 hand a great many more times. He did not see 
 the mischief in her eyes as she drew her hand 
 away and asked : 
 
 "Arthur, tell me, why do you do that ? " 
 
 "Why do I kiss your hand?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 " Perhaps it is because I have not courage to 
 kiss your Galatea, why did you kiss my cheek 
 in the wood-road ? " 
 
 A series of throaty bellows were wafted to 
 their ears from the direction of the stone fence
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 at the bottom of the meadow. Galatea drew 
 the Artist toward the end of the veranda where 
 there was a clear view. 
 
 " Oh, Arthur ! Look at Mrs. Cowslip ! 
 She '11 kill poor Gustavius ! " 
 
 The bull-calf s situation was indeed precari- 
 ous. He was neatly balanced on his stomach on 
 top of the stone fence, while his mother, with 
 frantic bellows, after the manner of her kind 
 was endeavoring to boost him over with her 
 horns. Gabriel was hastening to the scene, with 
 a pitchfork in his hand, and Napoleon, for- 
 getful of late humiliations, barking at his 
 heels. Cleopatra and Clarence were snorting 
 their alarm from a little distance. It remained 
 for William to relieve the general tension by 
 planting a terrific butt with such precision that 
 Gustavius, launched headlong from the fence, 
 made his first actual acquaintance with the great 
 world beyond. Before Gabriel with his pitch-
 
 THE OBSEQUIES OF BOS NEMO 
 
 fork could head off Mrs. Cowslip, she, with a 
 mighty leap and scramble, joined her offspring, 
 and together, bellowing, they rushed into the 
 tangle of willows and wild grapevines. Gabriel 
 followed with Napoleon. 
 
 Galatea, having alarmed the Poet, hurried 
 with her brother and the Artist down the 
 meadow. Before they reached the fence, Ga- 
 briel's head appeared over it. He waved the 
 pitchfork, addressing Galatea. 
 
 "Git back ! Git back ! A cow funeral ain't 
 no place for wimmen folks ! " 
 
 " Oh, Mrs. Cowslip must be dead," sobbed 
 Galatea, restraining the Artist as the Poet 
 hurried on and shot his long legs over the 
 stone fence. " Poor, dear, good Mrs. Cowslip ! 
 Promise me, Arthur, that you '11 save Gusta- 
 vius." 
 
 She was clinging to his arm beseechingly. 
 Arthur experienced one of his rare moments
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 of real intelligence. He drew a long breath, 
 and thrust out his chest. 
 
 "And if I succeed, Galatea?" 
 
 " Oh, if you succeed, Arthur, dear Ar- 
 thur, I shall try and remember, some day, 
 to tell you how much I how much I really 
 love you." 
 
 The Artist had the most excellent good sense 
 to kiss her fervently, on the lips, and the super- 
 lative intelligence thereon to leave her and 
 rush to the rescue of Gustavius. Galatea re- 
 turned to the house, went into the library, and 
 for quite half an hour kept her eyes fixed on 
 one page of a book that was upside down. 
 
 The spectacle that met the Poet's gaze as he 
 burst through the grapevine thicket caused him 
 to exclaim : 
 
 " The obsequies of Bos Nemo, as I 'm a sin- 
 ner!" 
 
 The truth of this remark was obvious. On 
 ... 124 ...
 
 THE OBSEQUIES OF BOS NEMO 
 
 the margin of the brook, whither his instinct 
 had prompted him to crawl when fatally stricken 
 with what Gabriel explained was " the black 
 leg," lay the lifeless body of a strange steer, 
 nameless so far as any one present knew ; and 
 near by, with their noses to the ground while 
 they pawed dust over their shoulders, Mrs. 
 Cowslip and Gustavius, according to the cus- 
 tom of their kind, were bellowing and mooing 
 the last rites for the dead. In vain Gabriel 
 prodded them with his pitchfork ; the obse- 
 quies continued with an increasing display of 
 emotion. 
 
 " This is news to me," said the Artist, when 
 Gabriel had explained that horned cattle never 
 neglect to hold funeral ceremonies over the dead 
 of their kind. " It 's like a wake barring the 
 pipes and bottles." 
 
 " Darn the critters' skins," said Gabriel ; 
 "when that cow an' bull-calf come out of their 
 ... 125 ...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 tantrum they 're goin' to be locked in the barn 
 to think it over the rest of the day." 
 
 " No," said the Poet, " that 's not according 
 to the rules and regulations that govern the firm 
 of Bos, Equus and Co. Equal rights and privi- 
 leges to all, irrespective of the individual equip- 
 ment as to legs that 's our constitution, Ga- 
 briel. Mrs. Cowslip has just as much right to 
 her funeral as I have to mine. Besides, can't 
 you see, she 's teaching Gustavius the orthodox 
 bovine ceremony." 
 
 Leaving the Poet and Gabriel in charge of 
 the mourners, being assured that their grief 
 would presently wear itself out, the Artist has- 
 tened back to Galatea. He found her in the 
 library, and his thrilling tale of how he saved 
 the life of Gustavius merited all the reward it 
 inspired.
 
 SEIZED HER HAND AND KISSED IT ARDENTLY
 
 EQUUS MINOR, DETECTIVE 
 
 V 
 
 Equus Minor, Detective 
 
 F all the crazy notions ! ' ' sniffed 
 Amanda. 
 
 She was filling glass jars with 
 raspberries out of a kettle on the 
 roaring kitchen stove, while 
 Gabriel screwed down the metal tops, perspir- 
 ing freely in the super-heated midsummer tem- 
 perature. 
 
 " Pshaw ! " said Gabriel, " this here Poet an' 
 his sister ain't a bit crazier 'n the Professor was. 
 D' ye recollect what the Professor said 'bout 
 'the emotional capacities of so-called dumb 
 animals,' I seem to hear his lingo now, 
 jest before he went away, after playin' his flute 
 in the barnyard till pretty near midnight?" 
 " The Professor was a nice man," admitted 
 ... 127 ...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 Amanda, "but when it came to dealin' with 
 critters he was crazy as a bedbug." 
 
 " I dunno, Mandy. I sneaked out to th' barn 
 that night, an' th' way th' cow an' calf took to 
 th' Professor's music made my flesh creep. You 
 know, Mandy, they ain't nothin' in natur' so 
 doggone stubborn an' foolish as a bull-calf 
 not even a pig. Well, you ought 'a' seen th' 
 ca'm an' peaceful way that bull-calf laid his 
 chin on the Professor's shoulder an' bla-a-ted 
 softly to himself when th' slow an' solemn tunes 
 was bein' played." 
 
 " Gabe, you tend to them jars an' quit your 
 jokin'." 
 
 " Honest, Mandy, true as I live an* breathe. 
 An' when the Professor see I was lookin' on, 
 he stopped playin' an said to me : ' Gabriel,' 
 says he, 'give me time, an' I '11 teach this bull- 
 calf to sing the doxology.' An' I 'm darned if 
 I don't believe he 'd 'a' done it." 
 ... 128 ...
 
 EQUUS MINOR, DETECTIVE 
 
 " I 've heard dogs howl when somebody 
 played the fiddle," observed Amanda, "an* 
 that 's all there was to it. You can't say the 
 Professor ever had the crazy notion this here 
 Poet has of givin' a birthday party to a yearlin' 
 colt." 
 
 "'T ain't th' Poet, Mandy; it's his red- 
 headed sister. She was out to th' barn th' first 
 thing this mornin', while I was milkin', an' 
 braided th' colt's mane full of red and blue 
 ribbons. I saw her kiss Clarence on the nose 
 an' wish him many happy returns o' th' day." 
 
 " For the land sakes ! " said Amanda. 
 
 " She got me to fix up a table in the shade 
 of the old chestnut on th' lawn, out of a barn 
 door an' a couple of sawhorses. There 's goin' 
 to be a birthday dinner at two o'clock, an' all 
 th' critters are invited." 
 
 "Be you goin', Gabe?" inquired Amanda, 
 with subtle sarcasm. 
 
 ... 129 ...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 " Gosh, no ! The dog an' I ain't speakin* 
 since that trouble 'bout th' Golden Guinea 
 eggs. You know it 's reely Napoleon that 's 
 givin' th' party." 
 
 " Gabe, you jest go 'long ! " 
 
 " Honest, Mandy. That 's th' Poet's idee. 
 He says th' dog could n't do less after th' colt 
 savin' him from that lickin', 'count o' them 
 eggs." 
 
 " Well, I never ! " Amanda sat down and 
 fanned herself with her apron. 
 
 " Yes ; an' they 's goin' to be speech-makin' 
 an' music. That there artist chap is comin' out 
 with his banjo, an' while the critters are eatin' 
 an' drinkin' he an' th' Poet with his guitar are 
 goin' to play duets, jest like they do in them 
 high-toned restaurants down to New York. I 
 heard 'em talkin' it over when I was fixin' up 
 the table out under the chestnut." 
 
 " Be you sure the artist-chap 's comin', 
 ... 130 ...
 
 EQUUS MINOR, DETECTIVE 
 
 Gabe?" asked Amanda, all at once losing in- 
 terest in the main topic. 
 
 " W'y, yes. W'y not ? Anything wrong, 
 Mandy ? " 
 
 " I dunno ; she 's been treatin' him awful 
 cool the last few days." 
 
 Gabriel laughed. "I was awful gone on a 
 red-headed girl once myself, long 'fore I met 
 you, Mandy, an' I tell you they keep you 
 guessin'. You never know how to take 'em. 
 It 's always a toss-up what to say or do when 
 you court a red-headed girl. One day you can 
 grab her and kiss her behind the door, an' she'll 
 act as if she wanted to thank you for it, an' the 
 very next day she '11 go into tantrums if you 
 even wink at her. I tell ye, Mandy, my red- 
 headed girl kept me guessin' which way she 'd 
 jump till I got so thin I could n't cast a shad- 
 der." 
 
 "Served you right," snapped Amanda. "Men
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 are so stupid. I s'pose when you got so thin she 
 could see right through you, she was thankful 
 to settle down as an old maid." 
 
 " No," said Gabriel solemnly, " she married 
 and proved a great blessin' to her husband." 
 
 "You don't say ! How could that be ? " 
 
 " W'y, ye see," drawled Gabriel, " he was 
 th' livin' skeleton in a circus, an' a month after 
 th* weddin' he 'd lost so much flesh that they 
 doubled his salary." 
 
 Then they both jumped guiltily at the sound 
 of another voice : 
 
 " May I come into your kitchen, Amanda ? " 
 
 It was Galatea. She was biting her lips, 
 which were hardly more brilliant than her mass 
 of mahogany hair, and her eyes twinkled. 
 
 " I merely wanted to ask Gabriel if he has 
 
 time to pull some young carrots, turnips, and 
 
 red beets for our birthday party. George has 
 
 dug some artichokes for Reginald." Then she 
 
 132 -
 
 EQUUS MINOR, DETECTIVE 
 
 added : " Of course you 're coming to the 
 party ? There '11 be music, you know guitar 
 and banjo duets." 
 
 "Sartin, sartin," said Gabriel with alacrity. 
 
 " You '11 want some loaf-sugar for the mare 
 and her colt," said Amanda, bustling about. 
 
 " How good of you ! Now I '11 go and give 
 Napoleon his instructions as host of the occa- 
 sion." 
 
 With the exception of the bull-terrier, all the 
 four-legged members of the family had their 
 noses together in the shade of some willows 
 down by the brook. They were exchanging 
 views on a matter that puzzled them greatly. 
 Cleopatra was apprehensive about the ribbons 
 entwined in Clarence's mane. 
 
 " I 've half a notion," she was saying to her 
 gayly decorated colt, " that you and I had bet- 
 ter take to our heels till this thing 's over, what- 
 ever it means. It 's too much like what I 've 
 ... 133 ...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 seen at the County Fair in my time yearling 
 colts fixed up that way led off by some strange 
 man and never heard of again." 
 
 "It 's all right, mother," said Clarence, who 
 was very proud of his ribbons. " You can trust 
 that red-headed girl. When she put these pretty 
 things on me, she laughed and kissed me on the 
 nose. Besides, look at that fool pig." 
 
 Truly, Reginald did look rather foolish with 
 the fine bouquet that was tied in the kink of 
 his tail with a bit of yellow ribbon. 
 
 " That 's all I got when I went up to the 
 house to get my back scratched," grunted Reg- 
 inald. " But Gustavius was no better off. He 
 wanted that long-legged chap to rub his silly 
 little horns, but was sent away with that jim- 
 crack over his ears." 
 
 Reginald referred to a garland which had 
 given the bull-calf quite an ancient Roman look 
 until Mrs. Cowslip had eaten half of it. But
 
 EQUUS MINOR, DETECTIVE 
 
 this was no more than fair, as Gustavius had 
 done as much for his mother, whose crumpled 
 horn still retained some twisted stems of daisies 
 and dandelions. As for William, no amount of 
 butting could have freed him from the trellis- 
 work of wire, silver foil, and sunflowers of 
 which his sturdy horns were the foundation. 
 He seemed grieved and humiliated over it. 
 
 " And you, yourself, mother," resumed Clar- 
 ence, " are included in some scheme of general 
 festivity. Never have I seen the luxuriant hair 
 of your tail crimped so beautifully." 
 
 "It may be that the Professor is returning," 
 suggested Mrs. Cowslip. " I, for my part, shall 
 welcome him warmly." 
 
 "Ah," said Reginald, "when you mention 
 the Professor I am thrilled by the most deli- 
 cious memories. I seem to feel his highly cul- 
 tivated fingers along my grateful spine at this 
 moment."
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 Suddenly Gustavius gave a truculent little 
 bellow, and shook his horns. 
 
 " By the fat on my ribs, it 's the dog ! " said 
 Reginald, who secretly liked Napoleon as little 
 as did the bull-calf, with memories of sharp 
 teeth nipping his heels ; " I marvel at his con- 
 descension ! " 
 
 "What did I tell you, mother?" said 
 Clarence. "No one ever heard of a dog 
 being led off, yet look at the ribbons on 
 Napoleon." 
 
 The terrier was truly a gorgeous spectacle as 
 he trotted proudly down the pasture. A deco- 
 ration of red, white, and blue ribbons crossed his 
 broad chest diagonally, passing under one fore- 
 leg, the two ends being tied in a large bow on 
 his shoulders. The colt advanced to meet him. 
 They had always been staunch friends from 
 their mutual infancy ; so friendly, in fact, that 
 when Amanda was away and Clarence expressed 
 ... 136 ...
 
 EQUUS MINOR, DETECTIVE 
 
 a desire to go into the kitchen in search of 
 stray tidbits, Napoleon always managed to be 
 looking the other way. Now, as they met, the 
 colt with head lowered and ears pointed for- 
 ward in token of the utmost amiability and good 
 will, the terrier leaped up, licking his velvet nose 
 and barking eagerly : 
 
 " You are to come up to the house at once, 
 old chum; everything is ready." 
 
 " Is Amanda away, and the kitchen door 
 open?" asked Clarence. 
 
 " Oh, this is different," said Napoleon has- 
 tily. " It 's the red-headed girl's affair. What do 
 you say to young turnips, and carrots, and lumps 
 of sugar afterwards ? " 
 
 "Will there be enough for mother, too?" 
 asked Clarence, taking care not to speak loud 
 enough to excite anticipations liable to disap- 
 pointment. 
 
 " Yes, for everybody," barked Napoleon so 
 ...137...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 that all could hear; "you're all to come at 
 once." 
 
 " Well," grumbled Gustavius, with a shake of 
 his sprouting horns, "you needn't be so stuck 
 up about it." 
 
 " I had an engagement with the red-headed 
 girl, anyway," grunted Reginald, starting for 
 the house at a fast trot. 
 
 " You just head off that pig, Napoleon, or 
 he '11 make a mess of everything," said the colt. 
 " Come on, mother ! " 
 
 With Clarence and Cleopatra in the lead, and 
 Reginald sent squealing back to the rear with 
 Napoleon's teeth at his heels, the summoned 
 guests proceeded, with rather more decorum 
 than was to be expected, to the banquet table 
 under the old chestnut, where Galatea awaited 
 them smilingly, with outstretched hands. 
 Catching sight of several inviting peck mea- 
 sures on the table, Mrs. Cowslip and Gustavius
 
 EQUUS MINOR, DETECTIVE 
 
 broke into a trot, with the result that the last 
 dozen yards were a neck-and-neck race, except 
 for Reginald, whose fat legs forced him to 
 squeal plaintively along behind. As the guests 
 arrived, Gabriel and Amanda hastened out from 
 the kitchen, while the Poet, doubled up over 
 his guitar, and the Artist, holding his banjo 
 gracefully, with their backs to the chestnut tree, 
 strummed forth a spirited march. 
 
 "Napoleon," said Galatea, " take your place 
 at the head of the table." 
 
 The terrier leaped into the host's chair, put 
 his paws on the cloth, and awaited further in- 
 structions. 
 
 "Come, Clarence ; as the guest of honor you 
 will stand on Napoleon's right, and, Cleopatra, 
 your place is by the side of your son." 
 
 With a pat on the nose for each, the girl 
 brought them to their places. Meanwhile 
 Gabriel had coaxed Mrs. Cowslip and Gusta- 
 ... 139 ...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 vius, with William, to places opposite them, 
 while Amanda prudently stood guard over the 
 peck measures. Galatea poured balm upon the 
 wounded feelings of Reginald by inviting him 
 to take the chair at the foot of the table. It 
 was a most fortunate arrangement. The pig 
 would have died rather than show himself in- 
 ferior to Napoleon in the matter of table man- 
 ners. 
 
 " Galatea, what 's the first course ? " sang out 
 the Poet. 
 
 " Turnips au nature!, George, with chicken 
 a la Marengo for Napoleon." 
 
 The Poet, for the first time in his life, almost 
 smiled. 
 
 " Arthur," he said, " I think The Battle of 
 Waterloo with Variations' will go well with 
 Napoleon's chicken d la Marengo" 
 
 Rendered more than usually docile by the 
 music, the guests ate their turnips decorously 
 . . . 140
 
 EQUUS MINOR, DETECTIVE 
 
 from the hands of Galatea, Amanda, and Ga- 
 briel, while Napoleon, as host, nibbled daintily 
 at his special dish. When the chicken and 
 the turnips had disappeared, the host and his 
 guests looked expectantly at Galatea. Napoleon 
 thumped his short tail against the back of his 
 chair. The music ended with a flourish. 
 
 "George," said Galatea, "Napoleon re- 
 quests you to make a few appropriate remarks." 
 
 The Poet laid aside his instrument, unfolded 
 his lank limbs, and strode to the side of Napo- 
 leon, fixing his earnest gaze on Clarence, the 
 guest of honor, who pricked up his ears. The 
 other guests whose usual morning indulgence 
 in grass and artichokes had eliminated the 
 fiercer gustatory pangs were round-eyed and 
 attentive. Amanda caressed Mrs. Cowslip's 
 crumpled horn to hide her embarrassment at 
 being a party to such foolishness, while Ga- 
 briel chuckled inwardly. 
 
 ...141...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 "Clarence," began the Poet, "and fellow 
 members of the flourishing firm of Bos, Equus 
 and Co., we have come together upon this happy 
 occasion to declare a dividend of mutual confi- 
 dence and esteem. The occasion which may 
 have escaped the notice of some of you is 
 the first anniversary of the birth of one of our 
 youngest, yet most enthusiastic members. Clar- 
 ence, many happy returns of this day. We sa- 
 lute you." 
 
 The Poet bowed to the colt, who nodded his 
 head intelligently. 
 
 " Yes, yes ! " barked Napoleon excitedly ; 
 words could not have said it plainer. 
 
 "Gosh!' 5 ' whispered Gabriel to Amanda, 
 " who would have believed it ? " 
 
 " Clarence," resumed the speaker, " the host 
 of this joyful occasion " he turned to Napo- 
 leon, who nearly wagged himself off his chair 
 " desires to express publicly his thanks for 
 ... 142 ...
 
 EQUUS MINOR, DETECTIVE 
 
 the great service you rendered him in that dark 
 hour " here the Poet frowned and shook a 
 reproving finger at the chuckling Gabriel 
 "when he faced unjust punishment on the 
 monstrous charge of having ravished the nest 
 of the speckled hen. Then and there, Clar- 
 ence, you rebuked the short-sighted minion 
 of the law by nipping him smartly in the 
 same sensitive region where you had nipped 
 the real marauder, tearing from him the 
 clue which will sooner or later bring him to 
 justice." 
 
 The Poet took from his pocket a ragged 
 square of blue-striped dark cloth and submitted 
 it for Clarence's inspection. The colt laid back 
 his ears and nipped at it. The Poet cast a glance 
 of solemn triumph around the table. 
 
 "Friends and partners," he said, "do we 
 need any further evidence that it was indeed 
 Clarence who was a witness of the crime, and 
 ...143...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 performed this service for Napoleon and for 
 justice?" 
 
 The point was overwhelmingly conceded. 
 
 "Doggone my skin! " whispered Gabriel to 
 Amanda, " th' colt remembers that rag by th' 
 smell ! " 
 
 The Poet put the damning evidence back in 
 his pocket. Suddenly Amanda nudged Gabriel. 
 
 " Of all things, Gabe, here comes Si Blodgett 
 with a basket on his arm ! " 
 
 An undersized, sanctimonious person, with a 
 smooth upper lip and a tuft on his chin, carry- 
 ing a covered basket, was approaching from the 
 driveway. He seemed pained at the evidences 
 of festivities progressing. When he had ap- 
 proached within a few yards of the banquet- 
 table he put down the basket carefully and said : 
 
 " Brother Gabriel, Sister Amanda, what is 
 the meaning of this unseemly scene of levity ? " 
 
 The Poet looked interested. 
 ... 144 ...
 
 EQUUS MINOR, DETECTIVE 
 
 "If, as your manner indicates/' he said 
 suavely, " you don't approve of this little cele- 
 bration, I recommend that you address your 
 remarks to headquarters. I speak for the host, 
 Napoleon, here at the head of the table, 
 who is giving a birthday party to our friend and 
 comrade, Clarence." 
 
 He waved his hand at the colt, and paused 
 expectantly. The visitor rolled up his eyes and 
 raised his hands. 
 
 "Vanity, vanity, all is vanity ! " 
 
 "Oh, your name must be Blodgett," said 
 the Poet. " I *ve often heard you mentioned. 
 Won't you join us ? " 
 
 " I would join you in prayer," groaned Si 
 Blodgett. "Would that I might snatch you 
 from the seat of the scornful." 
 
 Gabriel chuckled. The Poet turned to the 
 guest of honor, and continued : 
 
 " In conclusion, Clarence, and fellow mem- 
 ...145...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 bers of Bos, Equus and Co., I wish to say for 
 those of us to whom nature has given but two 
 legs instead of four, but has made partial com- 
 pensation by bestowing upon us the power of 
 speech, that we are proud to claim you as 
 friends, as partners, as ecfuals " 
 
 " Stop ! " 'groaned Si Blodgett, with hand 
 upraised. " Remember Moses and the golden 
 calf!" 
 
 *' Look here, Si," said Gabriel, " don't you 
 slander our bull-calf. He ain't gold. He '11 be 
 doggone good beef some day." 
 
 " Oh, ye unregenerate ! " almost screamed Si 
 Blodgett. " Soon ye will be bowing down to 
 wood and stone! " 
 
 " Galatea," said the Poet, " what 's the next 
 course ? " 
 
 " Carrots, George." 
 
 While Si Blodgett continued to groan un- 
 availingly, the carrots were served. The Poet 
 - 146
 
 EQUUS MINOR, DETECTIVE 
 
 resumed his instrument, and never before was 
 that classic, " Hiawatha, "adapted for banjo and 
 guitar, so inspiringly rendered. It was repeated 
 until Galatea produced the dessert of loaf sugar, 
 and Si Blodgett showed signs of frothing at 
 the mouth over the ungodliness of the scene. 
 As Galatea tripped around the table, drop- 
 ping lumps of sugar into grateful mouths, 
 Si Blodgett came forward, stretching his 
 arms across the table to Gabriel. He had 
 failed to notice that the colt was keeping one 
 eye on him, with the accompanying ear laid 
 back. 
 
 " Oh, brother, brother," he said, " be- 
 ware " 
 
 Whatever the warning was to be, it was cut 
 short by a grunt caused by the colt thrusting 
 his hind quarters brusquely into Si Blodgett' s 
 stomach. 
 
 " Darn th' critter ! " exclaimed the exhorter, 
 ...147...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 with an astonishing change of voice and senti- 
 ment. And he slapped Clarence smartly on the 
 flank. 
 
 "Lookout, Si!" shouted Gabriel. "Th' 
 colt don't like ye." 
 
 Si Blodgett dodged barely in time to escape 
 Clarence's heels. The other guests were be- 
 coming restless. The Poet and the Artist joined 
 Galatea beside Napoleon's chair. The exhorter 
 went and picked up his basket, and, approach- 
 ing Gabriel, said: 
 
 " It is our duty to be good to those who 
 despitefully use us. Brother Gabriel, hearin' 
 you 've been disapp'inted in your hatchin' of 
 Golden Guinea eggs, and havin' a couple o* 
 pair of the chicks to sell, I came over to offer 
 you the first chance. They 're scarce, you know. 
 I '11 take four dollars a pair." 
 
 For the space of at least a minute there was 
 amazed and breathless silence. Even the Poet 
 ... 148 ..
 
 EQUUS MINOR, DETECTIVE 
 
 found himself speechless. Amanda stared at Si 
 Blodgett, and then at Gabriel, whose eyes were 
 fixed on the basket while he opened and closed 
 his mouth dumbly. At length speech burst from 
 him. 
 
 " Si Blodgett, where 'd ye git the eggs to 
 hatch out them Golden Guinea chicks o' 
 yourn ?" 
 
 " The Lord cares for them that serve Him," 
 said the prudent exhorter. " I got them eggs 
 where you got yourn, an' what 5 s more, I only 
 paid twenty cents apiece for 'em." 
 
 " You was there, Si Blodgett, biddin' agin' 
 me," said Gabriel, doubling up his huge fists, 
 " an' you heard th' guarantee that there wa'n't 
 no more Golden Guinea eggs for sale in th' 
 hull county." 
 
 " That was true, Brother Gabriel ; but, ye 
 see, I 'd already bought mine three days before, 
 an' they wa'n't for sale, neither." 
 ... 149 ...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 Gabriel gurgled and managed to swallow 
 part of his wrath. 
 
 " Give us a look at them chicks," he 
 said. 
 
 Si Blodgett knelt down on the grass and 
 picked at the knot of the string that held the 
 cloth over his basket. 
 
 " George !" exclaimed Galatea in a startled 
 whisper, " look ! That man's trousers are of 
 dark cloth with a blue stripe ! " 
 
 " Yes, but wait a bit. Look at Napoleon and 
 the colt." 
 
 The terrier had jumped down from his chair 
 and was growling, with bristling crest. Clar- 
 ence, with ears laid back, had turned about and 
 was shaking his head at the man on his knees, 
 whose back was toward him. 
 
 The knot was refractory. Si Blodgett's coat- 
 tails fell apart, revealing a key-chain, one end 
 of which disappeared in his hip pocket. 
 ... 150 ...
 
 
 THE GUESTS ATE THEIR TURNIPS DECOROUSLY
 
 EQUUS MINOR, DETECTIVE 
 
 " There ! " whispered Galatea. " See that 
 patch ! " 
 
 " Wait ! " said the Poet. " The psychologi- 
 cal moment approaches Ah ! " 
 
 With a sudden rush the colt fell upon Si 
 Blodgett's rear, nipped savagely at the region 
 of his hip pocket, and backed away triumph- 
 antly with his teeth closed on a chain from 
 which a bunch of keys dangled. The man 
 yelled in fright, then, seeing what was in the 
 colt's mouth, as Gabriel sprang forward to cap- 
 ture the aggressor, he jumped up, exclaiming : 
 
 "Never mind, Gabe; he'll drop 'em in a 
 
 minute." 
 
 " Clarence ! " said Galatea softly. 
 
 The colt took a high-kicking turn about the 
 chestnut tree, swinging the keys from his teeth, 
 and then trotted up to the girl and dropped 
 them in her hand. Si Blodgett reached for 
 them, but Amanda was too quick for him. 
 ...151...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 " W'y, of all things," she said, holding one 
 of the keys in a firm grip, " if here ain't that 
 lost key of our henhouse ! " 
 
 Si Blodgett's face turned red, then pale, and 
 then he laughed nervously. 
 
 " Ye don't say, Sister Amanda. I was won- 
 derin' if it was yourn, the day I found it in 
 in th' road." 
 
 Gabriel was beginning to look dangerous, but 
 he could n't resist a thrust at Amanda. 
 
 " What do ye go 'round sowin' henhouse 
 keys for, Mandy? Expect to raise a crop of 
 'em?" 
 
 " I left that key in the henhouse door," said 
 Amanda stubbornly, " an' that 's all there is to 
 it." 
 
 " O Lord, how long, how long ! " groaned 
 Si Blodgett, returning to his exhorter manner. 
 " But I don't bear malice. I '11 take my basket 
 and go on my way in peace."
 
 EQUUS MINOR, DETECTIVE 
 
 " You '11 stop right where you are, Si Blod- 
 gett!" thundered Gabriel. 
 
 "Oh er Mr. Blodgett," drawled the 
 Poet, coming forward amiably. "I believe you 
 have the reputation of being an earnest worker 
 in er in the Lord's vineyard?" 
 
 " If some have been brought to the throne 
 of grace through my exhortations, it 's only 
 the Lord's mercy. I make no boast. I will be 
 humble. I will take my basket and go." 
 
 He stooped to pick up the basket, above 
 whose rim peeped four little Guinea chicks. 
 The Poet's gentle hand restrained him. 
 
 " Perhaps you 'd better go, Mr. Blodgett 
 presently. But if I were you I 'd leave the bas- 
 ket, and er its contents." 
 
 "I I don't quite understand," said Si 
 Blodgett weakly. 
 
 " Why," said the Poet mildly, " one who is 
 engaged in your chosen work of er^ of 
 ...153...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 saving souls ought to neglect no opportunity 
 of pointing a useful moral. Now, here is this 
 little matter of circumstantial evidence which 
 seems to convict a er a holy man of rob- 
 bing his neighbor's hennery." 
 
 " Prove it ! prove it ! I defy ye ! " snarled Si 
 Blodgett. 
 
 " Be calm, Mr. Blodgett. Let us consider the 
 subject from the standpoint of the exhorter. 
 Imagine yourself addressing an assemblage of 
 young men young men who are a little wild, 
 we will say, who have raided watermelon 
 patches, and are in a fair way to break into 
 their neighbors' henneries. Think of the effect 
 upon those young minds when you tell them 
 about the lost key of a looted henroost found 
 in your pocket ! " 
 
 Si Blodgett laughed. "What does a key 
 prove?" 
 
 " Then," continued the Poet, " you go on to 
 ...154...
 
 EQUUS MINOR, DETECTIVE 
 
 tell about the contributory evidence the fact 
 that the real thief wore dark trousers with a 
 blue stripe, just like your own." 
 
 "How do ye know he did?" snarled Si 
 Blodgett, casting an uneasy glance down the legs 
 of his dark trousers with their blue stripe. 
 
 "Just like your own," the Poet went on, 
 "because, as the real thief was carrying off the 
 valuable eggs he 'd come for, a yearling colt put 
 his head through a window into the hennery 
 and playfully nipped him in the region of his 
 hip pocket, tearing away a ragged square of 
 cloth, which was found hanging to a nail on the 
 window-ledge the next morning." 
 
 The Poet took Clarence's trophy from his 
 pocket and examined it reflectively. Si Blod- 
 gett's knees shook, and his mouth hung open. 
 
 "Finally," said the Poet, "you might drive 
 home your useful moral by explaining to your 
 young hearers that your own dark trousers with
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 their blue stripe bore a patch the exact size and 
 shape of the square of cloth torn from those of 
 the robber of henroosts Why, Mr. Blod- 
 gett!" 
 
 At mention of the patch, the exhorter had 
 turned and fled toward the road. 
 
 "Hi, there! Si! Si Blodgett !" yelled Ga- 
 briel. 
 
 " No," said the Poet, restraining him. " You 
 have a good, serviceable basket, and four fine, 
 lusty Golden Guinea chicks worth four dol- 
 lars a pair. Don't be greedy." 
 
 " Clarence, you 're a wonder ! " said Galatea, 
 with her arm about the colt's neck. 
 
 " Mandy," said Gabriel, "you put these here 
 chicks with their brothers an' sisters in th' hen- 
 house an' don't go 'round sowin' no more 
 keys."
 
 TAURUS CUPID, ESQ. 
 
 VI 
 
 Taurus Cupid, Esq. 
 
 >S jocund Summer merged in- 
 to placid Autumn, Gustavius 
 throve mightily and waxed 
 fat. His shoulders broadened, 
 his voice deepened, his sharp- 
 pointed horns acquired a high polish through 
 painstaking friction upon every available object, 
 and became rigidly embedded in his thickening 
 skull. He could summon the red glow to his 
 eyes in moments of anger, and he exulted in the 
 knowledge that his stout heart was bursting with 
 courage. Gustavius was putting bull-calfhood 
 forever behind him, and each day brought him 
 increased yearnings for valorous deeds. 
 
 In view of this physical and moral transfor- 
 mation, Gustavius wondered at his tolerance of
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 the familiarities still recklessly practiced by his 
 comrades. But how could he stoop so low as to 
 enforce respect from a pig or a goat ? The dog 
 was eliminated from the problem, because it was 
 a dog's natural prerogative to nip at the heels of 
 superiority and avoid punishment by flight. As 
 for the mare, she was uniformly courteous, and 
 the playfulness of the colt disarmed him. 
 
 Concerning the two-legged members of the 
 family, Gustavius felt himself the victim of 
 hereditary respect for the sternly authoritative 
 person called Gabe, and there was something 
 so soothing in the manner of the lank, long- 
 limbed man who spent most of his time loung- 
 ing about the veranda that it was impossible to 
 offer him any sort of challenge. The red-headed 
 girl ah ! Gustavius was not ashamed to con- 
 fess to himself that the bare sight of her made 
 him glow with docile affection. 
 
 "And yet," said Reginald impudently,
 
 TAURUS CUPID, ESQ. 
 
 for Gustavius's later reflections had uncon- 
 sciously resolved themselves into speech, as he 
 stood with his comrades in the afternoon 
 shade of the willows, " and yet a bit of 
 anything else as red as that girl's hair sends you 
 into convulsions of rage. Talk about incon- 
 sistency " 
 
 "Shut up, pig! " said Clarence. "You're 
 jealous." 
 
 Suddenly Gustavius began to bellow and paw 
 the earth. 
 
 "What disturbs you, my son?" inquired 
 Mrs. Cowslip, between the finish of one cud 
 and the beginning of another. 
 
 " It's that rank outsider again, who is for- 
 ever butting in with that vile-smelling red 
 wagon," said Gustavius, lifting his nose toward 
 the lawn. " He angers me beyond words. I 've 
 laid for him a hundred times, but he has n't a 
 drop of sporting blood in his body ; he 's for- 
 ... 159 ...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 ever hanging on to the skirts of the red-headed 
 girl." 
 
 Galatea and the Artist, carrying a long, flat 
 box between them, were walking about the 
 lawn midway between the house and the wil- 
 lows. Presently they found a smooth, level 
 space, opened the box, and proceeded to drive 
 into the ground two gaudily painted stakes and 
 some arches of wire. 
 
 " It 's very annoying the way that chap 's 
 always about nowadays," admitted Reginald. 
 " I was just thinking of going up to get my back 
 scratched, but it 's no use now." 
 
 "My time will come one of these days," 
 said Gustavius. " Just let me catch that chap 
 alone once, that 's all ! " And he began indus- 
 triously sharpening his horns on the stone 
 fence. 
 
 It was nothing short of wonderful, the influ- 
 ence unconsciously exerted by the Poet's sister 
 . . . 160
 
 TAURUS CUPID, ESQ. 
 
 over these four-legged comrades whom she had 
 captivated on the very day of her arrival, as you 
 cannot fail to remember. Now Mrs. Cowslip, 
 Cleopatra, Clarence, Reginald, and William, 
 who ordinarily prided himself on his independ- 
 ence of action, left the grateful shade of the 
 willows, and, with perfunctory nibblings at 
 grass, of which they were already over-full, 
 slowly approached the scene of preparations for 
 that ancient and honorable game called croquet. 
 Soon that influence was too powerful even to be 
 resisted by Gustavius, notwithstanding the hated 
 presence of the Artist, and he moved sulkily 
 after the others. 
 
 The Artist was pensive, and occasionally, as 
 his adoring glance rested on Galatea's graceful 
 figure, he sighed. His attention being thus di- 
 vided, it was not strange that he should miss the 
 second arch. 
 
 " How foolish of you ! " she said. " I can 
 . . . 161
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 now save you further exertions by taking your 
 ball around with me." 
 
 Being already past the first side arch and in 
 position for the middle one, with the Artist's 
 ball an easy victim, she was able to make good 
 her promise. The Artist could not regret his 
 inevitable defeat; it left him free to follow 
 Galatea about and pour into her ears a lover's 
 woes. 
 
 "Sweetheart, why do you continue so cold 
 and distant to me ? One would suppose that 
 when a girl is engaged " 
 
 " Arthur, take your foot away from that 
 arch!" 
 
 With beautiful precision she made the long 
 " split" stroke, and was safe for the first stake. 
 
 "As I was saying, dear, when a girl is en- 
 gaged 3 
 
 " Arthur ! you are trying to make me miss 
 the stake ! Can't you play fair ? " 
 . . . 162
 
 TAURUS CUPID, ESQ. 
 
 " I 'm not playing at all, darling. I can't 
 play. I can't eat. I can't sleep. One would 
 expect a little mercy from a girl who wears 
 his engagement " 
 
 "There ! you moved your ball just as I was 
 about to strike for it ! " 
 
 The Artist groaned and replaced the ball. 
 She plumped her own into it dexterously from 
 half-way across the field, and proceeded on the 
 home stretch. 
 
 " I don't know how long I 'm going to stand 
 this suspense," sighed the Artist, "and yet you 
 resist all my pleadings to name the day " 
 
 " Arthur, / am playing croquet. Will you 
 kindly stand one side?" 
 
 She played safely up to the last arch. 
 
 " If the date was fixed, dear, I think I could 
 bear your lack of enthusiasm ; that is, if the 
 date were reasonably near " 
 
 " Can't you keep away from the handle of
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 my mallet, Arthur ? Now I 'm staked on your 
 ball, and must risk all on one last stroke." 
 
 " Oh, you '11 make it," groaned the Artist. 
 " I wish that ball was my head. Any sort of 
 attention would be better than none at all. I 've 
 lost all hope of getting another kiss " 
 
 " Ha ! Whitewashed ! whitewashed ! " sang 
 the girl, dancing about the stake. " Perhaps 
 there's some other game you play?" 
 
 The Artist sat down on the grass with his 
 head in his hands. 
 
 " Does your head ache, Arthur ?" 
 
 " My heart aches. Darling, have pity on me 
 and name the day when we two " 
 
 " Why, certainly - - Wednesday." 
 
 The Artist leaped to his feet. 
 
 " Day after to-morrow how happy you 
 make me ! " 
 
 " Oh, I have n't decided on any particular 
 Wednesday." 
 
 ... 164 ...
 
 TAURUS CUPID, ESQ. 
 
 He threw himself back on the grass. 
 
 " But I 've a feeling that it will be some 
 Wednesday, Arthur, dear." 
 
 Then she stooped over quickly and kissed 
 him. 
 
 " I wondered whether Arthur would have 
 sufficient diplomacy to let you win, Galatea/' 
 said the Poet, with a perfectly straight face, 
 his approach having been unobserved ; " but it 
 seems that I did him an injustice." 
 
 " I don't know what you mean," said Gala- 
 tea with dignity ; " but if you want to make it 
 a three-handed game, I '11 undertake to white- 
 wash you both." 
 
 " Oh, there 's nothing in it for me," drawled 
 the Poet aggravatingly; "however, I'm oblig- 
 ing by nature ; I don't mind simplifying things 
 for Arthur." 
 
 Galatea, with her nose in the air, sent her 
 ball through the first two arches with a single
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 stroke, and with the two thus gained took 
 position, made the third arch, and with a swift 
 safe drive for the middle one, which she missed, 
 found herself well out of the way of hostile 
 balls. 
 
 "There," she said ; "I don't mind giving 
 you the advantage by starting first." 
 
 " Your generosity deserves a better reward," 
 said the Poet, as he selected a mallet with great 
 care, "but some twenty years' observation of 
 the game has taught me that the croquet field 
 is where friendship ceases." 
 
 The Poet's lank, knobby figure was about as 
 symmetrical as that of a daddy-longlegs, but 
 he had the eye of a champion marksman, and 
 no nerves at all. He followed his sister's tactics, 
 and improved upon them. He took his position 
 at the third arch with such nicety that in 
 striking through it he sent his ball to within a 
 yard of where Galatea's lay. 
 ...166-..
 
 TAURUS CUPID, ESQ. 
 
 " Any odds ? " he asked coolly, as he clicked 
 them together. 
 
 Galatea was scornfully silent. The Poet's 
 " split " for position at the centre arch was de- 
 fective, and with brutal disregard of the Art- 
 ist's feelings he took position directly in line 
 with the two first arches. 
 
 " Arthur," ordered Galatea, " come straight 
 through and use your two strokes to get 
 George's ball." 
 
 " Oh, well, if you 're going to play partners 
 against me ! " And the Poet threw down his 
 mallet. 
 
 "There 's no rule against coaching," snapped 
 Galatea. 
 
 But the Artist's mind was not on croquet. 
 The game resolved itself into a contest between 
 the Poet and his sister as to which should take 
 the greatest liberties with his ball. Thus they 
 were neck and neck at the centre arch on the
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 home stretch, with the Artist still at his second 
 arch. Galatea missed, and the Poet found him- 
 self in cocksure position for the last two arches 
 and the stake. 
 
 By this time all the four-legged members of 
 the firm of Bos, Equus and Co. had drawn near 
 and were watching the progress of the game 
 with lively curiosity. Reginald, with his cus- 
 tomary assurance, now advanced with ingra- 
 tiating grunts out of the side of his mouth, and 
 rubbed his side against the Poet's leg, who had 
 a sudden inspiration. 
 
 "Two to one I can make it with the pig's 
 legs for arches," he said. 
 
 Galatea experienced renewed hope. The 
 Poet cajoled Reginald into standing between 
 the two arches with his kinked tail resting upon 
 the one nearest the stake. There was a narrow, 
 though clear, space between his legs, in line 
 with the arches. 
 
 . . . 168 . - -
 
 ALL THE FOUR-LEGGED MEMBERS OF THE FIRM HAD 
 DRAWN NEAR
 
 TAURUS CUPID, ESQ. 
 
 " Attention, Reginald ! " and the Poet struck 
 his ball with just the requisite force to send it 
 through the two arches. 
 
 Unfortunately, at that instant Reginald sat 
 down, and the ball, striking his fat stomach, 
 bounced hopelessly out of position. Galatea 
 dropped on the grass and shrieked. 
 
 " I '11 give you the game," said the Poet. 
 " It 's an antiquated pastime, anyhow." 
 : "Sour grapes," laughed Galatea. 
 
 " Not at all. I 've thought of an improve- 
 ment, that 's all," said the Poet. " Stay where 
 you are, Reginald. William, come here." 
 
 The goat put his nose in the Poet's hand and 
 followed him to the other end of the field, 
 where he suffered himself to be stationed be- 
 tween the two arches opposite the pig. Over the 
 two arches on one side the Poet stationed Cleo- 
 patra and Clarence, and opposite them Mrs. 
 Cowslip and Gustavius. The bull-calf wrinkled 
 . . . 169
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 his yellow nose and looked mutinous, while his 
 comrades seemed much gratified. Then the 
 Poet went calmly around the field and pulled 
 up all the arches, except the centre one, and 
 said : 
 
 " There, all we lack is a camel or an elephant 
 for the centre but nothing is perfect in this 
 world, at the start." 
 
 " George,'* said Galatea, wiping her eyes, 
 " for out-and-out idiocy you certainly take the 
 prize." 
 
 "Not at all. That's what's said at first 
 about every great discoverer. There has n't been 
 a single improvement in this game in seven 
 hundred years. Now for the first time in his- 
 tory you 're going to see croquet played with 
 living arches Ouch ! " 
 
 Clarence had made a sudden playful leap 
 from his position and nipped the Poet's lean 
 thigh. He was led back and admonished so 
 . .'. 170
 
 TAURUS CUPID, ESQ. 
 
 severely that he meekly refrained from making 
 any further demonstrations. 
 
 With perfect gravity the Poet led Galatea 
 and the Artist in a game of croquet calculated 
 to make history. If Mrs. Cowslip had not 
 kicked the Poet's ball clear off the field when it 
 bounced smartly against her tenderest pastern, 
 and if Gustavius had not destroyed the Artist's 
 nerve by bellowing hoarsely in his ear at a crit- 
 ical moment, it would have been a bewilder- 
 ing success. 
 
 " Anyway," said the Poet, when Galatea had 
 won through rank favoritism on the part of 
 Reginald, who refrained from sitting down in 
 her critical moment, "anyway, we 've given one 
 more demonstration that all are born free and 
 equal in the firm of Bos, Equus and Co., even 
 when it comes to croquet." 
 
 " One thing I don't understand," said the Art- 
 ist, who, being in love, was quite hopelessly
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 serious, " and that is how you manage these 
 animals turned out loose this way, when they 
 become unruly, as all animals are apt to at 
 times.'* 
 
 " The learned Professor of whom we rented 
 this place, and who attended to their early edu- 
 cation, did n't neglect that point," answered the 
 Poet, with a solemn glance at Galatea which 
 brought before her mind's eye a vision of their 
 first exciting experience with William and Gus- 
 tavius. " In times of mutiny one magic word 
 uttered by the Professor brought them to their 
 senses completely humbled." 
 
 " Indeed ! " said the Artist. "This is most 
 interesting. I Ve heard of such methods being 
 used by animal trainers. What is that word, 
 George?" 
 
 " Its efficacy, Arthur, consists in the rarity 
 of its use. It is pronounced only as a last resort, 
 as familiarity would breed contempt for it.
 
 TAURUS CUPID, ESQ. 
 
 The word, Arthur, is" and he whispered in 
 the Artist's ear "Abracadabra." 
 
 And Galatea related the circumstances of 
 their single observation of its potency, as 
 recorded in the early part of this veracious 
 chronicle, with special stress on the advan- 
 tages offered by a low-limbed cherry tree in case 
 of pursuit by an enraged bull-calf. 
 
 "What you have told me is really wonder- 
 ful," said the Artist. " Never again will I doubt 
 that domestic animals are possessed of reason- 
 ing powers, as well as capacity for affection." 
 
 " Here comes Gabriel," said Galatea. " He 
 looks alarmed. I wonder what has happened ? " 
 
 Gabriel caught his breath and said, address- 
 ing the Poet : 
 
 "Si Blodgett fell off a haystack an' thinks 
 he 's goin' to die. He wants to confess about 
 them eggs." 
 
 " Oh, the poor man ! " said Galatea.
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 " This is n't the first time I Ve been mis- 
 taken for a clergyman that is, at first sight," 
 said the Poet. " Is he really badly hurt, Ga- 
 briel?" 
 
 " They ain't no bones broke, but Si 's groanin' 
 somethin' terrible an' says it 's his insides." 
 
 "But he can't want me," said the Poet. 
 " Why, I put together the links of circum- 
 stantial evidence that proved he stole the 
 
 eggs." 
 
 " That 's jest it. Si says you 're th' Lord's in- 
 strument sent to awaken his sleepin' conscience 
 darn him ! an' he 's afraid of hell-fire if 
 you don't come an' hear his confession." 
 
 " Poor man ! " said Galatea, with tears in 
 her eyes. "Come, George, I '11 go with you. 
 It 's only a step. Arthur, you wait here ; we '11 
 soon be back." 
 
 Conducted by Gabriel, they disappeared down 
 the road, and the Artist was alone with his fate. 
 ...174...
 
 TAURUS CUPID, ESQ. 
 
 He had no premonition of disaster. He lay on 
 the grass with his eyes closed, wrapped in the 
 joys and miseries of being in love. 
 
 The living croquet-arches, with one im- 
 pulse, got their heads together and considered 
 the situation. 
 
 " I, for one, shall go and take a look around 
 the kitchen," said Clarence. 
 
 " It 's the roof of the house for me," said 
 William ; " I have n't had a good view of the 
 surrounding country since strawberry-time." 
 
 " What about that chap on the grass ? " asked 
 Gustavius. "What will he be doing?" 
 
 "That reminds me," said Reginald ; " now 's 
 your chance, Gustavius. You 've been longing 
 to catch him alone." 
 
 The bull-calf shook his horns sulkily. " I 
 kind of hate to do it. He seems to be a friend 
 of the red-headed girl." 
 
 " Besides, my son," observed Mrs. Cowslip, 
 ...175...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 " none of our race ever attacks a sleeping per- 
 son." 
 
 " Leave that to me," said Reginald; "it's 
 time an example should be made of these out- 
 siders." 
 
 Clarence agreed with him. They began cir- 
 cling around the prostrate enemy, gradually 
 drawing nearer, nipping at his legs or arms and 
 darting away, until at length Clarence's teeth 
 brought their victim to his feet with a yell of 
 mingled surprise and pain. But the Artist was 
 not of a vengeful disposition. 
 
 "Ha! ha!" he laughed, "you're spoiling 
 for a frolic, I see ! " 
 
 He ran toward the colt and then turned, as 
 though inviting pursuit. The invitation was 
 accepted with a unanimity that thoroughly 
 alarmed the Artist. Even Mrs. Cowslip and 
 Cleopatra were making hostile demonstrations, 
 while William was backing away with a signifi- 
 . . . 176
 
 TAURUS CUPID, ESQ. 
 
 cance that caused the Artist to seize a croquet 
 mallet as he dodged about the field. This was 
 enough for the bull-calf, who began bellowing 
 and pawing the earth, while his eyes turned 
 red. 
 
 " Good fellows ! good boys ! " said the Art- 
 ist, holding out his hand. 
 
 But they gathered about him closer yet, with 
 snorts, bellows, and grunts which convinced the 
 Artist it was time to exert authority. So he 
 shouted in a stern voice : 
 
 " Away ! To the barn, all of you ! " 
 
 For answer the indignant pig ran between 
 his legs, all but upsetting him, and the others 
 crowded in closer yet. Thoroughly frightened, 
 the Artist decided that extreme measures were 
 justifiable. Recalling the magic word whis- 
 pered in his ear by the Poet, he raised his hand 
 and thundered : 
 
 "ABRACADABRA!"
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 The effect was instantaneous, but disconcert- 
 ing. After one instant of general stupefaction, 
 Clarence stood on his hind-legs with his fore- 
 feet beating the air, and addressed his compan- 
 ions in a shrill whinny, which they readily 
 understood to mean : 
 
 " What ! Shall a miserable interloper pre- 
 sume so far ! " 
 
 " Let me at him ! " roared the bull-calf, with 
 horns low and tail high. 
 
 The Artist turned and fled, with Gustavius 
 bellowing at his heels, urged on by his com- 
 rades following close behind. Straight for the 
 house sped the fugitive. The low-limbed cherry 
 tree was nearer, and, luckily, he remembered 
 it in time. Having sufficient presence of mind 
 at the last moment to fling his forty-dollar 
 Panama hat into Gustavius's face, he swung 
 himself into the tree, and was safe. 
 
 Gustavius kept one eye on him while prac-
 
 TAURUS CUPID, ESQ. 
 
 ticing on the hat, which was presently only an 
 expensive memory. 
 
 Clarence, finding the kitchen door open, 
 walked in. By way of a rain-water barrel, the 
 woodshed, and the water-tank, William mounted 
 to the peak of the house roof and proceeded 
 to enjoy the prospect. Reginald made himself 
 comfortable in a veranda rocker. Mrs. Cowslip 
 found the soft earth of the tulip-bed conducive 
 to somnolence and cud-chewing, while Cleo- 
 patra grazed near by on some late pansies. Such 
 was the scene that presented itself to Gala- 
 tea when she returned alone, having found Si 
 Blodgett more scared than hurt. 
 
 "Why, Arthur!" she exclaimed. "What 
 are you doing up there?" 
 
 " Call off your bull-calf, and I '11 come down 
 and tell you." The Artist was annoyed. 
 
 " Gustavius ? Why, he would n't hurt a 
 fly." 
 
 179-
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 " Would n't he ? Just look at my forty-dol- 
 lar Panama ! " 
 
 " Oh, Arthur, surely there must be some 
 mistake some misunderstanding." 
 
 "It 's past the misunderstanding stage when 
 I 'm treed like this." 
 
 " You must have said something that offended 
 Gustavius. He's terribly sensitive, poor fel- 
 low ! " 
 
 " Said something ! I treated them like friends 
 and fellow citizens till they all set upon me at 
 once; then, seeing it was a conspiracy, I said 
 'Abracadabra,' of course." 
 
 " Oh, Arthur ! You forgot that you had no 
 right that you were not a member of our 
 family yet." 
 
 " They seemed to remember it all right 
 especially the bull-calf. I nearly burst a blood- 
 vessel getting up here." 
 
 " It is really most unfortunate, Arthur." She 
 . . . 180-
 
 TAURUS CUPID, ESQ. 
 
 looked about her, at the late pansies, at the 
 tulip-bed, and at the house roof, and said re- 
 proachfully : " William ! Mrs. Cowslip ! Cleo- 
 patra ! " 
 
 The goat came meekly down from the roof. 
 The cow and the mare walked slowly off to- 
 ward the barn, much mortified. 
 
 " You don't seem to mind Gustavius and 
 me," complained the Artist. 
 
 Galatea sat on the grass and took off her 
 hat. 
 
 " You may come down presently, Arthur. I 
 have long wanted to say certain things to you, 
 but you are so impulsive in your in various 
 ways, that it seemed necessary for me to wait 
 for some such opportunity as this, when you 
 are otherwise occupied. Arthur, you have 
 pressed me to name a day for a certain cere- 
 mony " 
 
 She was interrupted by a bellow from Gus- 
 ...181...
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 tavius, consequent upon a sudden movement of 
 the Artist, who immediately concluded not to 
 forsake his perch. 
 
 " Must you interrupt me, Arthur ? " 
 
 "I didn't; it was the bull-calf; I don't 
 bellow." 
 
 " Well, Arthur, I 'would oblige you and set a 
 date for our wedding if I were quite sure that 
 we understand each other." 
 
 " Galatea, there 's nothing to understand ex- 
 cept that I love you to the extinction of every 
 other thought or feeling, and always shall." 
 He paused to regain his balance, for the tree 
 was a small one, and swayed under the stress of 
 his emotion. 
 
 " Then, dear, if I set an early date, will you 
 promise faithfully to love me in all my moods, 
 no matter what I say or do, and never be angry, 
 or dispute with me about anything ? " 
 
 " Bless you, my darling ! I swear it ! " 
 ... 182 ...
 
 TAURUS CUPID, ESQ. 
 
 " Have you no misgivings, Arthur ? " 
 
 " None, none ! Not one ! " 
 
 " Not even when you remember that my 
 hair is red?" 
 
 " I adore red hair ! " 
 
 " But not on other girls, Arthur ? " 
 
 " No ; only on you, darling." 
 
 " Thank you, Arthur, dear. If the second 
 Wednesday in October, five weeks hence, will 
 suit you, then you may come down and kiss 
 me." 
 
 Galatea ! " 
 
 Gustavius pawed the earth, and he hesitated. 
 
 " Can a bull-calf stand between you and me, 
 Arthur?" 
 
 " Never! " He leaped far out from the tree 
 and took her in his arms. 
 
 Gustavius gave them one glance and walked 
 away in disgust. Being only a bull-calf, he 
 did not realize that he had accomplished in a
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 single afternoon something which had baffled 
 the little rosy god himself for more than a 
 year. 
 
 The sound of voices in the road brought the 
 lovers back to earth. 
 
 " It 's all over," said the Poet, catching sight 
 of them. " Si Blodgett has confessed every- 
 thing, and his insides don't hurt him any 
 more." 
 
 Gabriel had intercepted the rural delivery ; 
 he gave Galatea a letter bearing a foreign post- 
 mark. She tore open the envelope, read two 
 pages, and exclaimed : 
 
 " O George, it 's from the Professor ! Just 
 listen to this : 
 
 " ' Finding the cause of the higher education 
 of domestic animals much farther advanced in 
 Germany than in America, I have decided to 
 locate permanently in Berlin, where some pro- 
 mising pupils have been placed in my charge, in- 
 ...184...
 
 TAURUS CUPID, ESQ. 
 
 eluding a young ram with a wonderful talent 
 for algebra. I am therefore offering for sale the 
 place which you leased from me, at the very 
 reasonable price of seven thousand five hun- 
 dred to you, knowing that my former pupils will 
 thus continue in good hands/ ' 
 
 " Too bad," sighed the Poet ; " I 've often 
 wished I 'd been born a plumber." 
 
 " Galatea," said the Artist, " would you really 
 like to have this place for your own ? " 
 
 " Oh, Arthur, it makes me weep to think 
 of leaving Gustavius, and Clarence, and Regin- 
 ald " 
 
 " And Cleopatra, and Mrs. Cowslip, and 
 William, and Napoleon," added the Poet. 
 
 " You shall not leave them," said the Artist, 
 beaming upon them both. " Give me the Pro- 
 fessor's address, Galatea, and you shall have a 
 deed of the place on the second Wednesday in 
 October." 
 
 ...185-..
 
 GAMBOLLING WITH GALATEA 
 
 " Eh, what 's that the second Wednesday 
 in October?" said the Poet. 
 
 " Why, on that happy date," said the Art- 
 ist, as Galatea flung her arms about his neck, 
 " Bos, Equus and Co. are to take in a new 
 partner."
 
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