Ti'r- THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA RIVERSIDE PRESENTED 3i3u tijrcc fHrmOcrs OF THE NEW SHAKSPERE SOCIETY TO Efjfir frUoij) fHcmtjfvs, Etll'Mxoi])t& |ieb3=gcarfs (Sift AND Clje l^assionatc fHorricf. JOHN LANE'S Eom Eell.Erotfjs JHcssacjc, anti i}is Pens Complaint, THOMAS POWELL'S Eom of all Eratics, E\ft ffilasse of ffi^otilu iLoue. (BY JOHN ROGERS ?) TELL-TROTHES NEW-YEARES GIET ROBIN GOOD-FELLOWES NEWES OUT OF THOSE COUNTRIES WHERE INHABITES NEITHER CHARITY NOR HONESTY. WITH HIS OWNE INUECTIUE AGAINST lELOSY. THE PASSIONATE MORRICE. 1593- JOHN LANE'S Eom EfU-Erotf)S fHcssacjc, auK fjis Pens Complaint. 1600. THOMAS POWELL'S TOM OF ALL TRADES. OR THE PLAINE PATH- WAY TO PREFERMENT. BEING A DISCOVERY OF A PASSAGE TO PROMOTION IN ALL PROFESSIONS, TRADES, ARTS, AND MYSTERIES. I63I. THE GLASSE OF GODLY LOUE. (BY JOHN ROGERS?) 1569. EDITED BY FREDERICK J. FURNIVALL, M.A., CAMB., FOUNDER AND DIRECTOR OF THE NEW SHAKSPERE SOCIETY, &C. ♦ ♦ PUBLISHT FOR Ejje Neto ^iafispcre ^octctg BY N. TRUBNER & CO., 57. 59, LUDGATE HILL, LONDON, E.G., 1876. c^U F^7 SemsVI. Ito. 2. JOHN CHILDS AND SON, PR1NTBR9. CONTENTS. Forewords, ix-xxix I. TELL TROTHES NEW YEARES GIFT, ISQI. Introduction, 3-5 § I. Eight causes of yealousy. The first cause of jealousy ; ill assorted unions made up by parents, 5-8 The second cause : lack of authority in the husband and respect for her husband in the wife, 8 The third cause : causeless discontent on either side, 9 The fourth cause : husbands bringing male friends home, and then getting jealous of them; or bringing female friends, and praising them too much, 9-10 The fifth cause : wicked men sowing suspicion between husband and wife, 10 The sixth cause : giving credit to false reports, 10-14; with a merry Tale of an old Trot, 11- 14 The seventh cause : hard usage by husband to wife, or wife to husband, 14-15 The eighth cause : lewd behaviour in company, 15 § 2. Eight kinds of yealousy. The first kind : Jasper Impudencie, forgetful of his Joan's previous favours, accuses her of playing him false with a rival, 16 The second kind : a young novice who swoons if any one speaks to his love, 16 The third kind : story of a jealous old doter, 16-17 The fourth kind : husbands who surprise friends with their wives by previous arrangement and then get a divorce, 17 The fifth kind : makebates who get up scandals, 17 The sixth kind : liars who pretend not to be jealous but publicly show that they are so, 1 7- 1 8 The seventh kind : knaves in graine who oblige their wives to ser\-e as decoys, and then suspect them of learning their lesson too well, 18 The eighth kind : husbands who are polite to their wives before company, and hang up their fiddles at home, 18-19 ; with the case of a most notable ass, 19-20 § 3. Means of increasing yealousy. The first means : knavish jealousy shall earn a good cudgelling, 20 The second means : mistrustful fools shall lose their love's affection, 20- t vi Contents. The third means : doters' wives shall solace themselves with Jack the scullion at home, and affect injured innocence in their husbands' presence, 21 The fourth means : plotters of divorces shall be most despitefuUy entreated by their new wives, 2 1 -2 The fifth means : backbiters shall be known for the knaves they really are, 22 The sixth means : liars who say they are not jealous shall be cuckolds, whether they will or no, 22 The seventh means : wittalls shall lose their customers, or their wives shall spend the profits, 22 The eighth means : mistrustful husbands who only treat their wives well in pub- lic shall have good cause for suspicion j with a pretty jest of an old deter very well served, 22 § 4. Robin Good-fellowe : his Invective against yelosy. The folly of wilfully encouraging jealous fears, 27-8 Distinction between solicitude for the honour of those you love, and mere jea- lousy, 28-9 There is no concord between love and jealousy, 29 A loving wife will not wrong her husband ; but if men marry those they have reason to suspect, let them blame their own folly ; such mates often prove more than a match for them in cunning, 29-30 If men are unfaithful themselves they'll have cause to be jealous. The different types of jealous folks described, 30-1 Some women take a malicious pleasure in their husbands' unfounded jealousy. What does a man gain by it ? 31 Vulcan had better have held his tongue, and he might also have remembered his own infidelity to Venus, 32 Let men be content to be esteemed happy in their marriages, and keep their skeletons in their cupboards, 32-3 A husband ought not to be unforgiving even if his wife has wronged him, and if she is incorrigible he should make the best of his bargain ratlier than seek a divorce, for the law obliges him to give her a maintenance, which her param- our would benefit by, 33-4 Kindness will forestall jealousy, 34 But harshness will only incite to revenge, and if a woman means to betray you your vigilance will be baffled, 35 Besides she'll make such an unquiet house that you'll be obliged to beat a retreat, 36 If men gently reprove their wives they will be penitent. A man who rules his own household injudiciously will scarcely make a good citizen of the state, 36-7 Covet ousness is a cause of jealousy, 38 True love described. There is a false doting love which ends in jealousy, 39 Contents. vii How this comes about detailed, 40 The character of a doter, 41 Description of jealousy's kingdom, its chief city, scenery, defences and inhabitants, 41-3 The blessings of true love, 43-4 Epilogue. To the Gentlrwomen and others of England, 45-6 II. THE PASSIONATE MORRICE, 47-IO5 Dedication. To the Gentlewomen and others of England, 49-50 Introduction, 51 Eight couples of lovers. The first couple of morris-dancers : a passionate ass and a peevish wench, 51-4 The second couple : a lusty widower and a gallant wench, 57-8 The third couple : a bachelor and a covetous widow, 62-3, 69-70 ; story of a widow's abduction, 67-9 The fourth couple : a miserly churl and a rich widow, 70-3 The fifth couple : a discreet young gentleman and an immodest damsel, 75-81 The sixth couple: a coy dame and her suitors, 81-2, 85; story of a miser's daughter, 83-4 The seventh couple : a prentice and a girl wearied of a long engagement to him, 87 ; story of a gentleman jilted by a poor maid, S9-90 The eighth couple ; a seducer and his victim, 94-6 III. TOM TEL-TROTHS MESSAGE AND HIS PENS COMPLAINT, IO7-I35 Dedication, 109 To The Gentlemen Readers, 1 10 Tom Tel-Troth invokes the goose of the Capitol, iii/i ; sees the ghost of Conscience, 111/19 ; invokes Melpomene, 112/31 ; will recite the misdeeds which work man's thrall, 113/66; wishes the Pope were hanged on a IT, 114/88; doesn't care for his banning, II4/91 ; upbraids monks and friars, 1 14/97-108 ; hopes some one will write against them, II4/111 ; meanwhile leaves their castigation to poets and painters, 114/113 ; puns on Cambridge and Oxford, 115/133-34; bewails the wrongs of Poetry, I17-18/199-216 ; im- precates vengeance on bad poets, 118/223-26 ; describes the seven deadly sins and their effects ; Pride, 1 19-23/ 241-366 ; Envy, 123-25/367-426 ; Wrath, 125-27/427-92; Sloth, 127/493-534 ; Avarice, 129-30/535-94 ; Gluttony, 131- 32/595-642; Lechery, 132-33/643-84; wishes Sufferance might be seen in England, 127/4S6; that he could paint Sloth, 128/529-34; warns misers of their fate, 130/587-88 ; wishes that he could paint Lechery and Chastity, 133/667-70; prays that he niay be chaste, 134/697-700; doesn't care for carpers, 134/707-8 ; confesses that he's a severe critic, 134/709-14 ; ceases, but not for want of matter, 135/715-18; hopes you'll be amended, 135/720 viii Contents. IV. TOM OF ALL TRADES, 137-175 The Epistle Dedicatorie, 139-40 Introduction, 141-4 The Scholar, 144 ; his schooling, 144-7 ; university career, 147-9 i advancement in the ministry, 149-54 The Civilian, 155-6 The Common Lawyer, 156-9 The Physician, 159-62 The Apprentice, 162-6 The Navigator, 166-7 The Husbandman, 167 The Courtier, 16S-9 The Soldier, 169-71 The Land- Soldier, 171-2 Your three daughters, 1 72-4 V. THE GLASSE OF GODLY LOVE, I 7 7- 1 89 Preface, 178 What wedlock is, 179 The duty of the wife to her husband, 179-S0 What a wife ought to be, 180-1 The duty of the husband to the wife, 181-3 What the husband ought to be, 183 What maintaineth love and quietness in marriage, 1 83-4 The commendation of chastity, 184-5 That mamed folk ought to have chaste manners and communication, 185 Of temperance in marriage, 185-6 The commendation of children, 1 86- 7 How children ought to be brought up, 187 The order of your house, 187-9 Notes, 191 Index, 202 FOREWORDS. $ I. Of Tell-Trothes New-years Gift, 1593, p. ix. \ 2. Of John Lane and hn Works, p. xii. \ 3. Of Tkotnas Pcnoell and his Works, p. XV. 1. Loues Leprosie, p. xvi. 2. The Passionate Poet, p. xvii. 3. A Welch Bayte, p. xvii {Lord Southampton, p. xx. ) 4. Direction for Search of Records, 1622, p. xxi. 5. The Mysterie of Lending and ^5- Borrowing, p. xxiii. 6. The Attourneys Academy, 1623, p. xxiv. 7. The AttomiesAlmanacke, 1627, p. xxiv. 8. The Repertorie of Records, I63I, p. XXV. 9. Tom of all Trades, 1 63 1 (p. 137), p. xxvi. {Sir Edward Hales, p. xxvi.) ■ TheGlasseof GodlyLoue, p.xxviii. Thanks to helpers, p. xxviii. § I. Here are reprints of three rare tracts, of which the first two are on the England of EHzabeth's time (1593, 1600), and the third is written by a man of her time, tho' not pubHsht till the seventh year of Charles the First's reign (1631). The fourth scrap is before 1600. The printing of the first tract was urg'd on me by my friend Mr W. C. Hazlitt, because there was only one copy of it known to him, and that at Peterborough Cathedral Library, quite out of the way of the ordinary student. As this tract dealt with the husband- and-wife question in Shakspere's young days, and mainly took-up the other side (the woman's) to that which Shakspere backt in Tfie Comedy of Errors (Act II. sc. i. ; V. i. 68—86), I was glad to recommend it to the friend and fellow-member of our Society^ who had offerd to give us a Shakspere's-England reprint of moderate size. Otherwise its inner worth would not have given it so early a place in our Sixth Series. But still, for the social condition of England in Shakspere's time, this Tell-Trothes New-y cares Gift of 1593 has great interest, so far as the family life of the middle classes is concernd. Oddly enough, too, it does illustrate aptly a bit of the last long speech of Suffolk in i Henry Vf, V. v. 48 — 54 (tho' I suppose that is not Shakspere's), about the young king's choice of the dowerless Margaret : 1 He has made it a condition that his name be not mentiond. X Forewords. § i. Elizabethan and Victorian Morals. Siif. A dower, my lords ! disgrace not so your king, That he should be so abject, base, and poor, To choose for wealth, and not for perfect love Henry is able to enrich his queen, And not to seek a queen to make him rich : So worthless peasants bargain for their wives, As market-men for oxen, sheep, or horse. At p. 6 1-2, of Tell-Troth's Part II, The Passionate Morrice, we come on the following passage : — ** Fie, fie ! manages, for the most part, are at this day so made, as looke how the butcher bies his cattel, so wil men sel their chil- dren. He that bids most, shal speed soonest ; & so he hath money, we care not a fart for his honestie. Well, it hath not been so, and I hope it wil not be long so ; & I wil assure you, loues common- wealth wil neuer florish vntil it be otherwise. Why, it is a common practize to aske the father what hee will giue Avith his childe ; and what is that differing from cheapening an Oxe ? And it is as com- mon, that if she be fat, it is a bargaine, but if leane, she must stay another customer." This cannot be calld an advance on the low part of the earlier Paston-Letters view of the marriage question.^ I do not want to puff our Victorian time against the Elizabethan. We have faults enough, God knows. There may be a few beings calld women now extant, who justify the sketches that reviews tell us sensation-novelists draw, and that prurient article-writers affect to denounce,^ but surely no one can turn from the cuckoo cry which the Love' s-Labours-Lost end song, and almost all Elizabethan books on social life, echo ; no one can contrast Shakspere's doctrine on the relation of husband and wife in The Errors (First-Period) and Taming of the Shrew, with Tennyson's in The Princess^ without 1 There is also proof of plenty of true love in these Letters ; and Margaret Paston, the heroine of the volumes, is not far from being a model wife of the time. * See my Ballads from Manuscripts, vol. i, p. 2. 3 There's nothing, situate under hea- Dear, but let us type them now ven's eye, In our own lives, and this proud watch- But hath his bound, in earth, in sea, in word rest sky : Of equal ; seeing either sex alone The beasts, the fishes, and the winged Is half itself, and in true marriage lies fowls. Nor equal, nor unequal ; each fulfils _ Are their males' subject, and at their Defect in each, and always thought in controls: thought. Men, more divine, the masters of all Purpose in purpose, will in will, they these, grow. Forewords. § ^- Shakspere and Tennyson. xi feeling that enormous moral progress has been made since the Elizabethan time in the relations of the sexes, and of husband and wife.^ The comparison of Lov^s Labours Lost with The Princess is full of interest ; and though the contrast of the converse excluders of the opposite sex in the two works strikes a student of both poets at first sight, I have never seen or heard it alluded-to in any criticism of the poem or play. The comparison of In Memoriam with the Sonnets has been indeed mentiond, but never workt out, full of in- terest as the subject is. Victorians need not fear to set Arthur Hallam by Shakspere's Will H., or the grounds of Tennyson's affectionate reverence for his friend, by those of Shakspere's love for his. Assuming, then, that the full description by the unknown 1593 Tell-trothe^ of the causes of Jealousy in English husbands, and Lords of the wide world, and wild The single pure and perfect animal, wat'ry seas,. The two-cell'd heart, beating, with one Indued with intellectual sense and full stroke, souls, Life. Of more pre-eminence than fish and TJk Princess, p. 157, 1st ed., 1S47. fowls, Are masters to their females, and their lords : Then let your will attend on their ac- cords. — Luciana, in Errors, II. i. (Cp. Milton's view. ) 1 The views of our narrow-minded (and often caddish) folk, as well as those of our broader-minded and more generous men, on the Woman-question, are annually stated in the House of Commons, in the debate on the Woman's- Suffrage Bill, or any attempt to admit women to the learned professions. Women still wait for justice and fair-play. 2 Indoumello, a tell-truth, a tom-tell-troth.— 1598; Florio. For the second name of the title, Robin Goodlellow (or Hobgoblin), see Shakspere's Mid- summer Night's Dream, II. i. 34, 40, Cotgrave, and Florio : Follet; or. Esprit follet. An Hobgoblin, Eobin-goodfellow, Bugbeare.-^ 161 1 ; Cotgrave. Luiton : m. A Goblin, Bug, Bobin-good-fellow, merrie diuell, that vses to mocke, and deceiue, sillie people. — 161 1 ; Cotgrave. Loiip-garou : m. A mankind Wolfe ... also a Hobgoblin, Hob-thrush, Robin- good-fellow ; also a night-walker, or flie-light ; one thats neuer scene but by Owle-light. — 161 1 ; Cotgrave. Ltdin : m. A Goblin, Robin-good-fellow, Hob-thrush ; a spirit which playes reakes in mens houses anights. — 161 1 ; Cotgrave. Lutiner. To play the Goblin, or night-spirit ; to keepe a foule rumbling, or terrible racket vp and down a house in the night. — 161 1 ; Cotgrave. Faiitasma, a ghost, a hag, a robin goodfellow, a hob-goblin, a sprite, a iade, the riding hagge, or mare. — 1598 ; Florio. Xll Forewords. § 2. John Lane. the relation of father and daughter, husband and wife, justifies the appearance of our first tract, in this vokime,. I pass on to the second, John Lane's Tom Tel-troths Message and his Pens Complaint, of 1600, when Shakspere was writing, or had just \vritten, his briUiant Second-Period Much Ado and As You Like It. § 2. John Lane is knoAvn to manuscript men by his still unprinted completion of Chaucer's Squires Tale} and his re-telling of the Romance of Guy of Warwick, the prose Forewords to which are printed in the Percy Folio Ballads and Romances, ii. 521-5, from the Harleian MS. 5243 in the British Museum. He is not men- tiond in Edmund Howes's list of English poets with " Willi. Shake- speare gentleman" (Continuation of Stowe's Antiales, ed. 16 15, p. Alani ... hobgoblins, or elfes, or such misshapen images or imagined spirits that nurces fraie their babes withall, to make them leaue crying, as we say bug-beare, or els, rawe head and bloodie bones. — 1598 ; Florio. Lemuri, the ghosts or spirits of such as dye before their time, or hobgoblings, black bugs, or nightwalking spirits. — ib. And see 3fandtu:o. 1 Thus describ'd in Black's Catalogue of the Ashmole MSS., 1845, col. 91-2 : No. 53. A small quarto volume, containing 81 leaves of paper, gilt at the edges, beside three on which are written the title and introductory pieces : it is very neatly written, as for a presentation copy ; and the royal Arms are stamped on the covers. " Chaucer's Pillar, beinge his Master-peece, called the Squires Tale, wch hath binn given [up as] lost, for all most thense three hundred yeares : but now found out, and brought to light by John Lane. 1630." On the back of the title is an acrostick (fomiing "Maria Anglie. C. M.") from "The Muse to the soveraigne bewtie of our adreadded sovereign lord King Charles : " which introduces an affected dedication, followed by 8 lines from "The Muse to the fowre winds," by "J. L.," and 6 lines to the author by Thomas Windham, of Keinsford, co. Somerset, Esq., one of the Justices. On the fourth page are 4 stanzas from the fourth book of the Faerie Queene by ' ' The poet Spencer, uppon the loss of that peece of Chancers." Then follow the Description of the Squier by Chaucer (in his prologue to the Canterbui-y Tales, v. 79 — loo), and "The Squires prolog, as it is in Chaucer," and "The Squiers tale as it is in Chaucer," the text of which on f i. The two first parts of this poem, and the two first lines of the third part, are copied from Chaucer ; at the end of the second (f. lo^') is this note — " Heare followeth my suppliment to bee inserted in place of that of Chaucer's which is missing. J. L." This long poem, which bears no just proportion to Chaucer's tales, consists of twelve parts or cantos, to each of which is prefixed a summary stanza of 4 lines. At the end are an Epilogus (f. 79*^). "The Marchantes wordes to the Squier, and the Hostes wordes to the Marchant as they are in Chaucer " (f. 80), and "Comparatio," f. 80^ On the back of f. 81, Ashmole has written an extract from Lydgate's " Temple of Glass," about Canace, the heroine of this story. Forewords. § ^- John Lane's Tom Tel Troth, xiii 8 1 1, col. 2) ; but, as the friend of Milton's father, he is done more than justice to by Milton's nephew, Edward Phillips, who in his Theatrum Foetanwi, 1675, thus describes Lane : — " A fine old Queen Elizabeth gentleman, who was living within m)' remembrance, and whose several poems, had they not had the ill fate to remain unpublisht, when much better meriting than many that are in print, might possibly have gain'd him a name not much inferiour, if not equal, to Drayton and others of the next rank to Spencer; but they are all to be produc't in Manuscript : namely, his Poetical Vision ' ; his Alarm to the Poets [1648] ; his Twelve Months'^; his Guy of Wariuic, a Heroic Poem (at least as much as many others that are so Entitled) ; and lastly his Supplement to Chaucer's Squires Tale." — 1675, p. 111-12; edition 1824, p. xxiii. See also Winstanley's Lives of the Poets, p. 100 [which only repeats part of Phillips]. — Hazlitt's Handbook, p. 326, col. 2. Besides the above, John Lane^ wrote " An Elegie vpon the death of the high and renowned Princesse, our late Soueraigne Elizabeth. By I. L. Imprinted at London for John Deane, at Temple-barre. 1603 ; 4to, 7 leaves. Bodleian (Malone) ib. ; and "Tritons Trumpet, 1620." (Hazhtt.) His Tom Tel-Troths Message is a poem of 120 six-line stanzas, in which he complains of his countrymen's naughtinesses. The closest handling of his subject is in pages 119 — 134, where he deals with the Seven Deadly Sins. This should be compared with the like part in The Times Whistle, by R. C, about 16 16 a.d., edited for the Early English Text Society by Mr J. M. Cowper in 1871. Lane first complains of the Pope, the Cardinals, priests, monks, friars, and all 'this popish ribble-rabble route,' ^ stanzas 14-19, p. 113-1-14. Then he laments vaguely the state of ' Englands two Vniuersities,' and the Seven Liberal Sciences, p.. 115-118, of which. Grammar 'stands bondslaue-like, of Stationers to be sold,' 1. 149, and Poetry brings no solace to country swains, who fancy more ' the winding of an home,' 1. 208, while ballad-makers pen ' new gigges for a countrie clowne,' 1. 216, and ' bastard braines' with their base rymes work Poetry's infamy, 1. 226. 1 See Percy Folio, ii. 522, col. I, at foot. The Poetical Visions was to have ' first and second partes.' 2 Under a.d. 1572, Wood's Fasti Oxonienses, Pt. i, col. 1S9, notes, — when speaking of John Lane, of Christ Church, who died in 1578 — "There was one John Lane, a poet, about this time." 2 Compare The Image of Ypocj-esye, &c., mray Ballads from AISS.,i. 181-266. xiv Forewords. § 2. Lane on the Seven Deadly Sins. Next come the Seven Deadly Sins. Under (i) Pride, Lane abuses the ' fine-ruft Ruffines,' st. 42, p. 119; the dandies ' full trick and trim tir'd in the lookinge glasse,' 1. 255, casting sheeps-eyes\ &c., walk- ing with fantastical gait, st. 45, wearing long hair or curld locks, st. 46, resembling every shape like Proteus,^ and every colour like the chameleon, st. 47 ; drest in the snip-snap jagd clothes, st. 48, that in former fashions Chaucer in his Parsons Tale, and so many other complainers from time to time condemnd ; and with wingd sleeves, round hose, cloaks short and long, st. 51, p. 121. Then the women are scolded for their dress : bold Beatrice with her wires — that movd Stubbes's wrath — tires, periwig, and caul (st. 52)3 with feathers (which men wear too), st. 53, 54 ; pumps, pantofles, corkt shoes (st. 55, p. 122), and fans (st. 56). The picture alluded to in stanzas 57-8, of the Englishman set alone, in other folks' feathers, I have not come across. ^ Andrew Boorde's caricature, given at p. 167 of my Harrison, is the only one of the kind I know. Under (2) Envy, the only special hits are at the Minstrels daily striving with blind fiddlers, 1. 398, p. 124, the justling Jacks driving their betters to the wall, 1. 400, and the scoffers ' with rimes and riddles rating at their foe,' 1. 405. Under (3) Wrath, we haVe the fights in Smithfield, the lines that make one think of the sad death of Marlowe in a quarrel for a drab, St. 76, p. 126. Then Wrath's contraries are dwelt-on in st. 80-1, p. 127, Chaucer's other ' vertue that men clepe pacience or sufferaunce ' {Remedii/m contra Irani), being treated as two. (4) Sloth or Idleness has no local colour. Avarice (5) repeats Harrison's complaints in his Description, II. 18, p. 296, &c., how ' She raiseth cheape things to the highest price,' St. 90, p. 129, and specially ' engrosseth all the come,' 1. 547 ; and leads to Usury (Harrison, p. 242), the two making the proudest cavaliers stoop, and penning ' them vp within the Poultries coope,' in gaol, St. 94. Avarice too leads to landlords racking the rents of houses and lands, p. 130, of which Crowley, Harrison, my Ballads from MSS. i., the Supplications (E. E. Text Soc), &c. &c., complain so bitterly. Of Gluttony (6) Lane says, p. 131, that it is allied to Lechery and Drunkenness : — ' Compare Laneham with the Ladies, in his Letter of 1575, p. 60 of my ed. 2 Compare Andrew Boorde, and Harrison's Description, II. vii, p. 167, &c. Also Stubbes. ' Perhaps it's in the Recueil de la Diversity des Habits, Paris, 1562 (A. Boorde, p. 323), Forewords. '^ 2. John Lane. '^ 3. Thomas Powell, xv This trull makes youngsters spend their patrimonie 601 In sauced meates and sugred delicates, And makes men stray from state of Matrimonie To spend their substance vpon vvhorish mates. 604 Under Lechery, the seventh and last Deadly Sin, Lane's stanza 109, p. 132, evidently alludes to Shakspere's Venus and Adonis, and Lucrece. He regrets the infection of the French disease, st. no, p. 133, the wide-spread cuckoldry of his day, st. 113, and the * light- taylde huswiues ' showing and vaunting themselves in (?) Shakspere's Globe theatre, ' the Banke-sides round-house,' where in 1599 — per- haps at its opening — he brought out his triumphant Henry V. Then Lane stops, not for want of further matter, st. 120, p. 135, but be- cause his pen is dry. And he affirms, 1. 713-14, .... Tom Teltroth will not lie, We heere haue blaz'd Englands iniquitie. (I pay for the presentreprint of Lane and the extract from Prit- chard or Rogers at the end of this volume.) § 3. Our third tract is by a reverencer of Bacon in his distress, a rollicking attorney and Welshman, Thomas Powell, who seems to have begun writing very bad serious poetry in 1598 and 1601, and then turnd to chaffing prose, — still intersperst with scraps of bad verse, — and divers professional handbooks, till he ended his career of authorship in 1631 ^ with his Toin of all Trades, here reprinted. ^ My attention was first calld to the last-namd book during my inquiries into ' Education in Early England,' ^ by Warton's extract from it in \i\% History of English Poetry, § 58, vol. iv, p. 304, note 3, ed. Hazlitt.* There being no copy of the first edition in the British Museum, and the second edition being conceald by its title, I waited till a visit to the Bodleian enabl'd me to read the book there ; and I found it interesting enough to justify its reproduction here. As Powell was Shakspere's contemporary, his account of how fathers then pusht their sons and daughters on in life, tho' not publisht till 1631, ^ He may of course have seen through the press some of the later editions of his Attcunicys Acadi-my, &c. - There w^n' have been two Thomas Powells. But as the one of 1603-1631 had both a serious and a humorous style in his prose, and in his verse in his prose- books, I see no sufficient reason for supposing that he is not the serious-style verse-writer of 1598-1601. ' See the Forewords to my Babees Book, E. E. Text Soc. 1868. * I have also had copied for the Society, Edward Hake's Totichstmie for this time present, 1574, for its bit about girls' education and amusements, partly quoted by Warton in the same note. But the rest of the book is preachy and dull. xvi Forewords. § 3. T. PoweH's Loues Leprosie. covers Shalcspere's time, and enables us to realize a bit of his fellow- countrymen's being. Our Member, Miss E. Phipson of Monk Sher- borne, Basingstoke, kindly bears the cost of this Powell reprint. Of Thomas Powell's first publication, Loues Leprosie (W. White, 1598), a quarto of ten leaves, only one copy is known, that of Mr Christie-Miller, at Britwell. It ^yas reprinted by my friend Dr Rim- bault for the Percy Society in his five " Ancient Poetical Tracts of the Sixteenth Century,^ reprinted from unique copies formerly in the possession of the late Thomas Caldecott, Esq." 1842. The poem is on the death of Achilles, through his love for Priam's daughter Pol3'xena. Here are three extracts from it, on that love, on Achilles's fight with Troilus, and on Achilles's death from the arrow shot into his only vulnerable spot, his heel : — " Achilles loues Polyxene : What is shee ? The lyuing daughter of his enemie. How shall he woe her, that hath wed another ? How shall he winne her, that hath slaine her brother? His trophees and his triumphes she doth hate ; In Hectors death his vallor liued too late ; Liue blest in this, that thow art Orpheus brother : Hee none of thine, nor Thetis is his mother." — p. 71. " Well mounted and well met, they ioyne togeather Like flowdes, whose rushing, cause tempestuous weather ; And now their clattering shildes resemble thunder ; The fire, a lightning when the cloudes do sunder : Long did it thunder ere the heavens were bright ; So long, that when it cleered, the day was night ; A night perpetuall vnto Priams sonne ; His horse was slaine, the day was lost and won ; And heere each one might heare windes whispering sound. When earst the drums their senses did confound ; Troilus dethes chiefe conquest from the fielde ; Wrapt in their colours, couered with their shielde, They carry him to make the number more. Whose bleeding sydes Achilles speare did gore." — p. 78. " Foorthwith a marriage twixt them was concluded 3 Alas, that true loue should be so deluded ! The sunne is rose, sees Thetis sonne to fall Vnder this false pretended nuptiall. The Delphick oracle is now fulfilde, * Eare Troy be wonne, Achilles must be kilde.' ' I. The Doctrinall of good Servaimtes. 2. The Boke of Mayd Emlyn. 3. The Now Nutbrowne Mayd. 4. The Complaynt of a dolorous Louer. 5 Loues Leprosie. Forewords. '5' 3- ^^' Powell's TVelch Biujte, &c. xvii This is the clay wherein they surfet all, With blood of his who made the Troians thrall; And this the day wherein he did appease Vnquiet soules, which earst could find no ease. This day was nyght to him, and day to those By whom vnlimely death did heere repose. His lilies familliar starre doth shoote and gall. The fairest starre the heauens weare gracte withall, Euen when his steppes salute the temple porch With hymmes, antl Hymcen[e]us burning torch, A shaft from Paris hand did soone disclose Where Styx had kist him, and how high it rose. Where the Stygian flood did neuer reach, Deathes winged messenger did make a breach. Whence from each veine the sacred breath descending, Polyxens ioyes began, and his had ending. Finis." p. 79. Powell's second book, I have not seen. Mr Hazlitt believes that the unique copy from Heber's sale is at Britwell, and gives it as "Tlie Passionate Poet. With a Description of the Thracian lemarus. By T. P. London, printed by Valentine Simmes, dwell- ing on Adling hill, at the signe of the white Swanne. 1601. 4to. 26 leaves." Of the third book, which is a very rare' black-letter quarto of 16 leaves, Mr Henry Huth has, with his unvarying kindness, lent me his copy. It is a tract written just before and just after Queen Elizabeth's death : i. justifying the reasonableness of her dealing with Papists on the one hand, and Dissenters on the other (see the first two extracts on p. xviii, xix) ; 2. chaffily describing the effect produc't by the news of Elizabeth's death, the disturbances likely to arise from it, and the quieting of them by the happy proclamation of James I ; 3. arguing that the Scotch and English are of like nature, and fit to form one nation ; in this, the opposite of the author of The Complaynt of Scotland,'^ and too of Andrew Boorde with his " Trust yow no Skott, for they wyll yowse flatteryng wordes ; & all is falsholde : " see the amusing bits in my edition of Boorde (E. E. T. Soc), p. 59, note 3, p. 135-8. The title of this third book is ' It was suppresst. Valentine Simmes was fined 13^. ^i. on Dec. 5, 1603, for printing it and a ballad. See p. 192, below. ^ "there is nocht tua nations vndir the firmament that ar mair contrar and different fra vthirs, nor is inglis men and scottis men : " for, in short, the English- men are devils, and the Scotchmen are angels. But note Andrew Boorde's " Also it is naturally geuen, or els it is of a deuyllyshe dysposicion of a Scotysh man, not to loue nor fauour an Englyshe man." p. 137. SHAKSPKRE'S ENGLAND: TELL TROTH. J xviii Forewords. '^ 3. T. Powell's JVelch Bcnjte. A / WELCH BAYTE / to spare Proucnder. I Or, j A looking lacke vpoii the / Times past. / Written Dialogue M'ise. / This looke is diiiided into three paits, / The first, a briefe discourse of Englands Securitie, while her / late Maiestie was liuing, with the maner of her proceeding in / Gouernment, especially towards the Papists and Puritanes of / England, whereof a Letter written late before her death, speci/fies, as followeth in this first part. / The second, A description of the Distractions during her / Maiesties sickenesse, with the composing of them. / The third, Of the Apt- nesse of the English and the Scotte to / incorporate and become one entire Monarchic : with the / meanes of preseruing their vnion euer- lastingly, added there-/vnto. [Sc?vll.'] Printed at London by Valen- tine Simmes. / 1603. The extracts above referrd to, p. xvii, on Elizabeth's treatment of Romanists and Dissenters follow : — " But when about the tAventieth yeare of hir raigne shee had dis- couered in the King of Spaine an intention to inuade hir dominion.s, and that a principall point of the plotte was to prepare a partie with in the realme that might adhere to tlie forreiner, and that the Semi- naries began to blossome, and to send forth dayly, priests and pro- fessed men, Avho should, by vow taken at shrift, reconcile her sub- iects from their obedience, yea and binde many of them to attempt against her Maiesties sacred person, and that by the poyson Avhich they spred, the humors of most Papists were altered, and that they were no more Papists in conscience and of Softenes, but Papists in faction ; then were there newe lawes made for the punishment of such as should submitte them selues to such reconcilements or re- nuntiations of obedience ; And because it was a treason carried in the clowdes and in wonderfull secrecie, and came seldome to light, and that there was no presumption thereof so great as the recusancie to come to diuine seruice : Because it was sette downe by their decrees, That, To come to Church before reconcilement, 7C'as to line in schis?ne ; But, To come to Church after reconcilement, was absolutely hereticall and damnable. Therefore there were added Lawes containing punishment pecii- niarie against such Recusants, not to enforce consciences, but to en- feeble and impouerish the meanes of those of whom it rested indifferent and ambiguous, whether they were reconciled, or no. And when, notwithstanding all this prouision, this poyson was dispersed so secretly, as that there was no meanes to stay it but by restraining the Merchants that brought it in, Then lasdy, was there added a Lawe whereby such seditious priests of the new erection were exiled ; and those that were at that time within the land shipped ouer, and so commanded to keepe hence, vpon painc of treason, [sign. B 4, bk] This hath becne the proceeding, though intermingled, Forewords. <^ 3. T. Powell's Welch Bmjle. xix not only with sundrie examples of hir Maiesties grace towards such as in her wisdome she knewe to be Papists in Conscience, and not in Faction and Singularitic ; but also with an ordinarie mitigation towards the offenders in the highest degree conuicted by lawe : If they would but protest, that if in case this realme should be inuaded with a forreine armie by the Popes authoritie, for the Catholique cause, (as they terme it) they would take part with hir Maiestie, and not adhere to hir enemies. P'or the other part which haue bin ofifensiue to the State, though in other degree, which name themselues Reformers, and we com- monly call Piiritanes ; this hath bin the proceeding towards them. A great while when they inueighed against such abuses in the Church, as Pluralities, Nonresidence & the like ; their zeale was not condemned, only their violence was sometimes censured. When they refused the vse of some ceremonies and rites, as superstitions, they were tollerated with much conniuence, and gentlenes : Yea, when they called in question the Superioritie of Bisho[)s, and pretended to bring a Democracie into the church ; Yet, their Propositions were heard, considered, and by contrarie writing, debated, and discussed. Yet all this while, it was perceiued that their course was dangerous, and very popular ; as, because Papistrie was odious, therefore it was euer in their mouthes, that they sought to purge the Church from the reliques of Papistrie ; a thing acceptable to the people, who loue euer to run from one e.x- treame, to another. Because multitude of Rogues, and Pouertie were an eye-soare, and dislike to euerie man, therefore they put it into the peoples head : That, if Discipline were planted, there should be no vaga- bonds, nor beggers (a thing very plausible,) and in like manner, they promised the people many other impossible wonders of their Discipline. Besides, they opened the people a way to gouernment by their Consistorie, and Prcesbyterie, a thing though in consequence no lesse prjeiudiciall to the liberties of priuate men, then to the soueraignty of Prijices, yet in first shew very popular. Neuerthelesse all this (exept it were in some few that entered into extreame contempts) was borne, because they pretended but in dutifuU maner to make propositions, and to leaue it to the prouidence of God, and the authoritie of the Magistrate. But now of late yeares, when there issued from them, as it were a Colonic of those that affirmed the consent of the Magistrate was not to be attended ; when vnder pretence of a confession, to auoide slaunders and imputations, they combined themselues by classes and subscriptions ; when they descended into that vile & base meanes of defacing the gouernment of the Church by rediculous Pasquils ^; When they beganne to make many subiects in doubt to ' The Martin Marprelate controversy began in 1589. XX Forewords. ^ 3, Powell and Lord Southampton. take an oath, which is one of the fundamental! parts of Justice in this Land and in all places ; When they beganne both to vaunt of the strength and number of their partizans, and followers, and to vse communications that their cause would preuaile, though with vproare and violence ; Then it appeared to be no more zeale, no more conscience, but meere faction and deuision : And therefore though the State was compelled to hold somewhat a harder hand to restraine them then before, yet it was with as great moderation as the peace of the Church & State could permitte. And therefore, Sir, (to conclude,) consider vprightly of these matters, and you shall see her Maiestie is no temporizer in religion ; - she builds not religion vpon policie, but policie vpon religion ; It is not the successe abroade, nor the change of seruants here at home can alter her ; onely as the things themselues alter, so she applieth hir religious wisdome to correspond vnto them, still retaining the two rules before mentioned, in dealing tenderly with consciences, & yet in discouering Faction from Conscience, & Softnes from Singu- laritie. Farewell. Your louing friend T. P." The Welch Bayte is dedicated by Powell to Shakspere's patron, Lord Southampton, but oddly makes no allusion to that Lord's being set free from the Tower on James L's accession. He was committed there for his share in Essex's rebellion in Feb. 1600-1. Perhaps lines 2 and 4 below mean that his committal was unjust. [sign. A, back] A Preludc vppon the name of Henry VVriothesly Earle of South-hampton. Euer. WHoso beholds this Leafe, therein shall reede, A faithfull subiects name, he shall indeede ; Tht grey-eyde morne in noontide clowdes may steepe, But traytor and his name shall neuer meete. Neiier. [iign.Aa] To the right Honorable Henry JVri- othesly Earle of South-hampton Baron of Tichfield : and of the No- ble Order of the Garter. L Et golden artists practize quaint imposture, And study to a semblance of perfection, Let Leopers sweate to shew the 7uorld their moisture, IVe study not to Fat rones for direction : Forewords. '^ 3. T. Powell's JVelch Baijte. xxi Vnlesse the Honor i/iaf »iy lines shall owe, Can both protect vs, and approoue thetn too. And such is thine, -whose beanies of Patronage Doe hcate alike in Ii/dgement, and in blood, Both, with pure Jires deriu'd from parentage, Presented in the Arke of Fortunes flood. When Ne])tiine, and the sea gods did abetfe. With Cynthia /// her fullest veines aspect. Thou wholcsoine Honour, Chaste Nobilitie, Be in protection mine, as Generous, Without distent though all thy auncestrie : It was thy wont, Thou canst not erre in vs : And for the 7 est sujfceth nie to know ; Thy Judgement best deserues my lines to oioe. Your Lordshippes In all the nerues of my ability, Tho : Powell. At the end of the Welch Bayte are 8 lines of verse ' To the vnparaleld blesst disposition, The Lady Elizabeth Bridges ' ; two 6- line stanzas 'To the noble Gentleman, Sir Thomas Kneuet'; and one stanza of 6 'To the Right Worshipfull Sir Edward Dyer.' The book's signatures are A i. 2 ; B, C, D, in fours, E i, 2. Though Powell's notions of girls' education are not ours, " Instead of songes and musicke, let them learne cookerie and laundrie : And instead of reading in Philip Sidney's Arcadia, let them reade the Groundes of good Hustsjifery. I like not a female poetesse at any hand " : yet no doubt Mrs Wm Shakspere shar'd them. Powell was a practical, sharp, business man, with a gift of racy speech. He was evidently a searcher of Records — see his book on them, and his ad- vice to a father, p. 143 below, and specially his proposal to search the Wills Office for grants to charitable uses. I hope his readers will take to him somewhat. The fourth book of Powell's was a professional one of 78 pages, whose title is overleaf : — xxii Forewords. § 3. Powell's Search of Records. Direction For Search Of RECORDS (CHANCERIE, jTower, \ Exchequer, with the umnes Remaining thereof: viz. Thi Kings Remembrancer. Lord Treasurers Re- membrancer. Clarke of the Ex- treats. Pipe. A nditors. The ' First Fmifs. Augmentation of the Reuenne. Kings Bench. Common Picas. Records of Courts Christian. For the clearing of all such Titles, and Questions, as the same may concerne. With the accustomed Fees of Search : And dincrse nccessarie Obseruations. Cui Author Thomas Powell, Londino- Cambrenfis. Cum tonat ocyus Ilex Sidphiire disciititur sacro, qnam tuque, domnsque. LONDON, Printed by B. A. for Pcad Man, and are to be sold at his Shop in Chancerie Lane, at the Signe of the Bowie; or in Distajfe Lane, at the Signe oi the Dolphin. 1622. Forewords. '^ 3. Powcirs Lending & Borrowing, xxiii Powell's fifth book is a merry one of 34 leaves : Wheresoeuer you see mee, / Trust vnto your selfe. / Or, / The Mysterie / OF Lending / and / BoRRoinxc. j Seria foci's : / Or, / The Tickling Torture. / — Dum ridco, veh mihi risu. / By Thomas PovvEL, / London-Cambrian. / [4 bits of old ornament.'] London, / Printed for Beniamin Fisher, and are / to be sold at his shop in Pater-noster-7-070, / at the signe of the Talbot. / 1623 It is a chaffy rollicking description of the different kinds of Bor- rowers — Courtier, Inns-of-Court man, Country Gentleman, and Citizen — and Lenders, Debtors' places of refuge, and debtors' shifts to avoid payment. (For the 2nd edition, see below, p. xxvi.) Here is the beginning of how the Courtier handles the Citizen he wants to borrow money of, p. 3 : — " The Courtiers method followes. First he invites his Creditor, to a dish of Court-Ling, with Masculine mustard plenty. Then shewes him the priuie lodgings and the new banquetting house. Perhaps the Robes next. Then the great RLagolls tent in the Wardrobe : And so much semes for the first meeting, and to procure an appetite to the second. To the second Meeting our Creditor is summoned, and brings behinde him his wife, like to a broken wicker glasse bottle hanging at his taile, and enters into the Masking roome. Whereat the Courtiers skill in deliuering of the Maskers names, vnder their seuerall disguises, did purchase an euerlasting and indissoluble citie-consanguinitie with his female charge, ouer whom, the more sleepy hir spouse, the more vigilant was my cousen courtier. And now he hath made his partie strong enough to visit my citizen, and to borrow and take vp of him at his own home, in the most familiar phrase that can bee deuised for such like vse and pur- pose. Then for the quickning, continuing, and inlarging of his credit, our Courtier pretends how he has receiued newes that his feign'd kinred is very sicke ; and thereupon a takes occasion (in stead of venison) to send her a bottle of that famous and farre fetcht fronti- neack : He bids himselfe to dinner the same day, and there in a cursorie way of commending the art of man, in matter of Manu- facture, he falls by chance vpon the remembrance of an extra or- dinarie stuffe, which hee saw a great personage weare lately in Court, not doubting but that his cousens [the Creditor or citizen's] shop did afford the like : His purpose was to haue a suit of the same very shortly, if they would but lay it by for him till his moneyes came in : Yet with a very little intreaty so cleanly exprompted, he xxiv Forewords. "^ 3. Powell's Attourneijs Academy, was persuaded to take it along with him, but onely for feare lest tlie whole peece might be sold by the foolish foreman vnawares before his returne. Giue vs old Ale, and booke it, O giue vs old Ale, and booke it : And when you would haue your money for all, My cousen may chance to looke it." This larky book of Powell's was followd by his sober sixth : — The / Attourneys Academy : / or, / The Manner and / forme of proceeding practically, vpon / any Suite, Plaint, or Action whatso- euer, in any / Court of Record whatsoeuer, within / this Kingdome : / especially, / in the Great Courts at / Westminster, to whose motion all other Courts of / Law or Equitie ; as well those of the two Pro-/uinciall Counsailes, Those of Guild-Hail / London ; as Those of like Cities / and Townes Corporate, And / all other of Record are diur-/nally moued : / With the Moderne and most vsuall Fees of the j Officers and Ministers of such Courts. / Published by his Maiesties speciall priuiledge, / and / Intended for the publique benefit of all / His Subiects. / Snmmum hominis honum, bonus ex hac vita exitus. / Tho : Powell / Londino-Camhrensis. / London, / Printed for Bcniajnin Fisher : and are to be sold at his / Shop in Fater-noster Row, at the signe of the / Talbot: 1623. This is a regular Attorney's Handbook, dedicated to the " Lord Bishop of Lincolne, and Lord Keeper of the great Scale of England," and with a second dedication which does credit to Powell : — " To / trve Nobilitie / and tryde Learning, / beholden / To no Mountaine for Eminence / nor Supportment for his Height, / Fran- cis, Lord Verniam, and / Viscount S'' Albanes. OGiue me leaue to pull the Curtaine by. That clouds thy Worth in such obscuritie. Good Seneca, stay but a while thy bleeding, T'accept what I receiued at thy reading : Heere I present it in a solemne straine, And thus I pluckt the Curtaine backe again. The same Thomas Powell." There were later editions in 1630, 1647, &c. Then came in 1627, Powell's seventh book, a professional one in 72 leaves : The / Attornies / Almanacke, / Provided / & / desired / For the generall ease and daily vse of all / such as shall haue occasion to remoue any / Person, Cause or record, from an / inferiour Court to any the / higher Courts at / Westminster. / By Thomas Powell. / Summnm hominis bonum, bonus ex hac vita / exitus. Forewords. ^ 3. Povvell's Repertor'ie of Records, xxv London. / Printed by B. A. and T. F. for Bm : Fisher, and are to / be sold at his Shop at the signe of the Talbot without / Alders- gate. 1627. Next appeard, in 1631, his eighth book, to which lie did not put his name, as not half of it was his own work. The title is given by Mr Hazlitt in his Collections and Notes, 1876,^ as " The Repertorie of Records : remaining in the 4. Treasuries on the Receipt side at Westminster [and] the two Remembrancers of the Exchequer. With a briefe introductiue Index of the Records of the Chancery and Tower : whereby to giue the better direction to the Records abouesaid. As also a most exact Calendar of all those Records of the Tower : in which are contayned and com- prised whatsoeuer may giue satisfaction to the Searcher for Tenure or Tytle of any thing. London, Printed by B. Alsop and F. Fawcet for B. Fisher, &c. 1631. 4to, A — Ee in fours, first leaf blank." "Dedicated in verse 'To the Vnknowne Patron,' which is followed by a leaf with a somewhat enigmatical heading ' To the same Patron the great Master of this Mysterie Our Author payeth this in part of a more Summe due.' There is also a prose address to the Reader, in which Powell gives some account of the circumstances attending the publication." Powell says he first thought of dedicating his book to Mercurie, who'd inspir'd him to write a bit of verse again, but as he can't find a Patron, he dedicates it to an unknown one, whom Mercury is to find out. The address to the Reader follows : — To the Reader. IT may be obiected vnto me, that the collation of these things, is not all made vp and digested into this fabrique of mine owne materials and structure, and I doe ingenuously confesse it : Seeing the Foure Treasuries [p. 17 — 120] were collected by Mr. Agard, his priuate notes, a man very industrious and painfull in that kind^; and one who had continual recourse vnto the most, & custody of many of the rest of the same : And the latter Callender of the Records of the Tower [? p. 211 — 217], came to my hands from an Author vnknowne, euen as the Printer was drawing the last sheet of the precedent worke from the Presse. I was content to giue it wharfage, and to let it be layd on shore with the rest, but very vnwillingly ; because I had no conuenient roome left where to dispose it, without blaming of my IN'Iethode, in that it was not layd 1 Mr Hazlitt also notes that "Verses signed T. /'. are attaclicd to Ford's Fames Me)>ioriaIl, 1606." * See his collections in the Public Record Office. — F. xxvi Forewords. § 3. T. Powell's Sir Ed. Hales. in his proper place, with the rest, that is, vnder the Title of the Tower, in the first Station : whereof I hope an equall censure, ever resting Sub rostra Cycanih The book is a 4to of 2 1 7 pages, besides Title and four pages of dedication, and describes where the Records are, what bundles of them, &c. are in the several rooms, and what Countries and places some of them refer to. Here's a short extract : — " And flow to thefoure Treasuries. The first is, the Treasurie of the Court of Receipt. In which are Two of the ancientest Bookes of Records in this Kingdome : made in William the Conquerours time, called Dooincs-day. The one Booke in Quarto, containing the Description or Suruey of Essex, Norfolke, and Suffolke. The other in Folio, being the like, for all the Shires in England, from Cornwall, to the Ruier of Tyne. Here is a Booke called the blacke Booke, made in Henry the seconds time, De necessarijs Sca\ca\rij observaudis : And in the same, are the Oathes and Admittances of Olhcers inroUed, and other Notes of some consequence." [and so on]. This was followd by his 9th work, the last I find under his name, his Tom of all Trades printed below, p. 137—175. In 1635 came out a second edition of both his Tom of all Trades and earlier Mysteries of Lenditig and Borrowing, in one little volume with the following title, no doubt written by himself: — Tlie Art of Thriving. / Or, / The plaine pathway to / Pre- ferment. / Together with / The Mysterie and Misery / of Lending and Bo7Towing. Consider it seriously. / Examine it judiciously. / Remember it punctually. / And thrive accordingly. / [by Thos. Powell, Gent. /;/ JAS.] Published for the common / good of all sorts &c / London, / Printed hy T If. for Benjami?: / Fisher, and are to be solde at his shop / at the signe of the Talbot in Alders-/gate street. 1635. [120 pages : at p. 121 a fresh title,] The / Mistery / and / Misery /of/ Lending / and / Borrowing / By / Tho : Povvel, Gent. / London : / Printed by 27iomas Harper for / Benjamin Fisher, and are to be / sold at his shop in Alders- gate / streete at the signe of the / Talbot. 1636. [p. 121 — 254.] Of the Sir Edward Hales whom Powell praises so warmly in his Dedication to his Tom of all Trades, the Rev. W. S. Scott Robertson of Sittingbourne sends me the following account : " Sir Edward Hales was the first of his name at Tunstall.^ He * " I come now to speak of the Hales, present lords of Tunstall, a family of Forewords. § 3. T. Powell's Sir Ed. Hales, xxvii was originally of Tenterden, but marrying the Harlackenden heiress, of Woodchurch, he removed to her seat. He was created a baronet in 161 1. After the death of liis first wife he married the widow {nee Martha Carew) of Sir James Cromer of Tunstall, and removed thither. Sir James Cromer died in 16 13, and left no son. One of his tliree daughters, Christian, the youngest, who inherited Tunstall, married Sir Edward Hales's eldest son John, and thus the Hales family became fixed at Tunstall. John Hales died in his father's lifetime, but his son Edward,^ who was born about 1626, ultim- ately succeeded his grandfather Sir Edward. " The first baronet, with whom your author Thomas Powell was so pleased, died in 1654, and was buried in Tunstall Church. The present representative of the family is Miss Hales of Hales Place, Canterbury, whose name figured in the statements of the claimant to the Tichborne estates. She has very recently sold her Tunstall property." great antiquity ; but as their interest here is not of so long standing, I shall go no higher than the last century, beginning with '^Sir Echvard Hales, Knight, who was advanced to the dignity of a baronet 161 1 ; he served in several parliaments, and took part with those that raised the rebellion against king Charles I. He died October 6th, 1634, aged 78.* This is he for whom the noble monument in Tunstall church was erected with his effigies in full proportion cut in marble. His wives were Deborah, da. and heir of Martin Lackenden of Woodchurch, Esq., and Martha the relict of Sir James Crowmer. '^ yoh)i, the eldest son of Sir Edward, by Deborah his first lady, married Christian, the youngest of the daughters and co-heirs of .Sir James Crowmer aforesaid ; and by this marriage was Tunstall brought into the family of Hales. This John died in the life-time of his father, and left issue Sir Edward Hales, baronet, a zealous royalist, who in his younger years risqued his person and fortune in the cause, insomuch that he was forced to abscond and live beyond the seas on account of the great debts he had contracted for the king's service. He died in France some years after the Restoration." From the ' History and Antiquities of Tunstall in Kent.' By Ed. Rowe Mores, printed in Nichols's Bibliotheca Topographica Britannica, vol. i. pp. 33, 34. (Mores died in 17 78, this History was publisht in 17S0. ) " This Sir Edward Hales was a commissioner for the survey of Aldington in 1608, Sheriff of Kent in a year between 161 1 and 1620, and M.P. for Kent in a Parliament preceding the Long Parliament." — VmXey^s History 0/ the IVeald of Kent, Ashford, 1874, vol. ii. Pt. H. pp. 522, 602. 1 Sir Edward Hales, the third of that name, but the first baronet, of Tenter- den, Kent, was knighted, and on June 29, 1611, was created a Baronet. He was twice married, first to Deborah, only daughter and heir of Martin Herlackenden of Woodchurch, Esq., by whom he had issue four sons, viz. John his eldest son, * See the cp. ded. to Powell's Tom of all Trades. Lond. 1631, 4to. xxviii Forewords. § 5. Thanks to Helpers. § 4. The last piece in the present volume, " TJie Glasse of Godly Lone, Wherein all married couples may learne their duties, each toward others, according to the holy Scriptures," — I was tempted to add because it made a kind of Appendix to the Tell-troth tract of 1593, and because it was part of a thin treatise belonging to me, that Mr Hazlitt believes to be unique, but which is unluckily imperfect. It is undated, but is printed by Richard Jones, who took up his free- dom of the Stationers' Company on the 7th of August 1564 (Arber's T^-anscript, I. 278), had one press in May 1583 (ib. 248), and printed till 1600. \Vhether the Glasse is by Thomas Prit- chard,^ the writer of the first part of the volume, or I[ohn] R[ogers] who seems to have written the second part, I cannot tell. It follows the I. R. Discourse. The title-page of Pritchard's tract is on p. xxix, opposite. § 5. I have now but to thank the Librarian of Peterborough Cathe- dral for trusting his unique 1593 Tell-troth to me ; Mr Henry Huth for his loan of Powell's Welch Bayte ; Mr ^V. G. Stone of ^^'alditch for so kindly making the Contents, Notes, and Index to this volume \ Miss E. Phipson for paying for Tom of all Trades, and our friend who hides his name, for his gift of the first Tell-troth reprint. F. J. FURNIVALL. 3, St. George's Square, London, N. W. July II, 1876. •who married Christian one of the daughters and co-heirs of Sir Jas. Cromer, knt., and in lier right became possessed of the manor of Tunstall and otlier large estates, and died in his [father's] life-time ; his other children were Edward, Samuel, Thomas, and a da. Christian. His second wife was Martha, da. of .Sir Mathew Carew, and relict of Sir Jas. Cromer. He died Oct. 6, 1654, in his 78th year, is buried in Tunstall Church. His grandson Edward (son of his eldest son John) succeeded him ; this Edward was about 13 years of age at his father's death in 1639. " He succeeded his grandfather in title and estate in 1654 ; but being most zealously attached to the royal cause, he risqued his fortune as well as his person, in the support of it ; by which means he ruined the former, and was obliged on that account to abandon his native country, to which he never afterwards returned, but died in France soon after the restoration of K. Charles II." He was one of the three who escaped with James II. in 16S8. Abstract taken from Hasted's History of Kent, vol. ii. p. 576. I On ' 1628, July 9, Thorn. Prichard of Jesus College,' Oxford, was admitted to the degree of Doctor of Divinity. Wood's Fasti Oxon., pt. i {Athcnce, vol. ii.), col. 443, ed. Bliss. But I do not suppose that this is our T. Pritchard. lT> THE SCHOOLE of lionejl and vertuous hjfe\ ^^^^5 ^j^j ^^^ Profitable and necessary for |^^ all eftates and degrees, to be trayned in : Ijut (cijrcfclu) for t!)e pettie ^c!)ollers, tljc yonger forte, of both hindes, bee they men or Women, by T. P. Also^ a latLclable and learned ^ Difcourfe, of the worthyneffe of hono- raijlc ^^Hctilocltr, iwrittnt 'm tijc bc^ halfe of all (afwell) Maydes as Wydowes, (gcncraUu) for tljctr stugukr instructi^ on, to choofe them vertuous and honejl 1!:?us]tiantics : ^sS^u^wl But (moft fpecially) fent writte as a lewell bnto a inortljij ffirutlrinoman, iw tfjc time of her widowhood, to dire6t & guide j)rr iw tijc nrbj election of fjr r sr rontie Hi/JI-and. By her approouedfreend and kinfemen. I. R. Imprinted at London by ^^f Richard Johnes^ and are to ^^.x^S be folde at his Ihop ouer againft S. Sepul- ^^^^0^ chers Church without Newgate. C^«^ Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift Beeing Robin Good-Jellowes newes out of thofe Countries, where inha- lites neither Charity ?ior honejfy. With his owne Tnue^liue againft lelofy. LONDON Imprinted by Robert Bourne. 15 9 3- ^/3 Tell-Trothesi Neir-yeares Gift. [sig. A a] Marrv, fir, now yi)U looke as if you expefted newes : me thinks I lee }'our cares open to heare what Robin good fellow will tel you ; & becaufe your defire dial not be altogether fruftrate, you thai, if you will, be fomewhat the wifer before you goe. I am allured it is not ftale5 and were you as long in reading of it, as the Senators haue bene in agreeing vppon ii, I know you would craue many baetes before you had palTed the mainger. But behold, they had the paine, and you may haue the pleafure ; and I am glad that it was my fortune to meete with it ; and doubtleffe it was a great halfard, tliat a worfer carrier had not hapned on it. For thus it fel out : walking towards Illington in a trolly morning, I bv chaunce lighted into the company of a boone com- panion, that feemed no lelfe pleafing in Ihew, then he protnu'd in fubftaunce. A merry mate hee was, and matched with one of his owne minde, a fimple fellow, that marchinge vnder the habbite of true meaninge, tels all that he fees, and euery thing he thinkes to be true: Tell-trotli is my name, and you may truft me if you will, for I alTure you, that he that crediteth me moll, Ihall not fpeede wf)rft. We two matches mated by good fortune, Rolin good-frl/o/f the one, who neuer did worfe harme then correct manners, and made diligent maides : and I, Ti'// troth, the other, who euer haue beene a f\\ orne enemy to lalye lurdens, and a profelled foe to lack Xo-hx/i/ : no fooner fettinge our eyes, the one on the other, but knew each others condiiions, falling forthwith into familiarity. And it being my hap to enquire lirll: from whence hee came, hee made it not fcrupulous to certilie his comming from hell, a place (fayde hee) that is od'ous, and vet to none but to them that feare it : Mary (qd. hee) Rolin gnod- felloiv, that could go inuifible from 'his infancy, had it by nature giuen [■ si J ' ^ ' \-\:\c\ A 2, back] 4 Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. him, that he fliould bee fubieft to no inferiour power whatfoeaer, either ruhng or inhabiting vnder the higheft elemente, with a generall pri- uiledge to fearch euery corner, and enter any caflell to a good purpole. By hbertye of which pattente, I croffed the riuer Stiv in Carons boat without his leaue, giuinge him a patt on his drowfie pate for my pafllige. And from him vnknowne, I came to Cerlerus (that Lub- berly Porter), who was makinge fiifle of the brand gates, which were faine to bee opened, that the greate Magog with his companye that were fummoned to the Parliamente, might enter without interruption. He heard my trampling, and therefore asked who was there ? but when I would not aunl\veare, he thought it was Lclaps his curre, bidding him to lie downe, and fo likewife I eafely eritred thedungion. To tell what I there faw, were no newes : becaufe it hath beene tolde by fo many, whereof foome of them haue not reported amifle. But going on to the mercilelle pallace, the gates tloode wide open, fo that any might enter ther without controlement. With in the great Hall whereof, were affembled the whole fociety of bad company, a generall conuocation beeing called about the deciding of many matters which were not altogether perfected. There was a greate thronge, and no little flurre, the feuerall billes of complainte which were there exhibited of many matters, beeing fo many, as they would require an age to rehearfe them, efpecially feeing this one matter wherof my newes coniiileth, was a hearing and deciding feauen yeares. But to come to the matter, all the worfl diuels being placed in their orders according to their cuftome (which is needleffe to fet downe, for that I hope there is none heere that euer meane to be partakers of any of their Offices) the Speaker vttered an Oration that would haue made a maftie to haue broke his coUor with girning thereat, declaringe what a continuall profite lelofie, aboue all other vices, brought to that place, praifmge fo highly the commodity thereof as, in his diuelifla iudgement, hell would be paflinge beggerly without that helpe. Manifeltinge how eafely mens and womens mindes were [J sig. A 3] drawn to all cor^ruption thereby, with fuch a dilatinge narration as neuer an Orator in hell could haue fpoken more. After the finifliinge of whofe fuflie framed fpeech, there was a queft of enquiry called, whofe forman deliuered a whole bundell of fcroles and papers. I Tell-Trothes Ncw-ycarcs Gift. 5 wherein were fett downe ihe caufes that helped lelofie, with the iiieanes that hindered tlie lame, as ahb the kindes thereof, with Icucrall comolaintes made both by men and women that were vexed with the Hke. The which I will, quoth Robin, deliuer vnto thee if thou fo wilt : whereof, I beeing wonderfull defirous, for Mens hominis nuuitatis anida, hee went on with it as followeth. The lirft caufe ((j^uoLli he) is a conflrained lone, when as parentes Pare«ts do by compulfion coople two bodies, neither refpc6tinge the ioyning a cause of of their liartes, nor haumge any care of the contmaunce ot their uellfare, but more regardinge the linkinge of wealth and money together, then of louc with honefty : will force affe6tion without liking, and caufe loue with lelofie. For either they marry their children in their infancy, when they are not able to know what loue is, or elfe matche them with inequallity, ioyning burning fommer with kea-cold winter, their daughters of twentye yeares olde or vnder, to rich cormorants of threefcore or vpwards. Whereby, either the dillike that likely growes with yeares of difcretion engendereth dif- loyalty in the one, or the knowledge of the others difability leades him to lelolie. What is the caufe of fo many houfliolde breaches, deuorcements, Rob.Goo[d-] and continuall difcontentmentes, but vnnaturall difagreementes by digres- vnmutuall contradles ? Will the Turtel change while her mate is namrrc] of i-ri'iii the Sw[anne] true, or the Swaniie be cruell as long as his female is loyall ? If is, that at such time [as] there be dilloyalty betweene mates linked by their owne ele6tion (as he sees an vnc3nstan[t] doubtlelTe there is), how can vnconftancybe condemned in thofe that tricke to bte] perfourmc[d] neuer had that liberty? were the hart as fubieft to the law as J^v f?'^, , feiii ale.J the body is, I would thinke fuch marriages lawful), but lince •"= "^^"^ [i sig. A 3 the one hath liberty, when the other is in captiuity, I know, Telltrutli, backj (quoth Robin) it will not ceale to feeke reuenge for his bodies Swan llauery, vnlelfe grace ' correcleth, by lliewinge what the law of God the fault forbiddeth. Pretious iewels are chol'en, and deere thins;es loued : but e hath at what price are thole rated at u hich are ealejy obtained? Doubt- he bee- laine, lie lelfe at i'o low a reckoninge as pipple Hones are, in comj)arifon of es the pearles ; the one had without cort or trauell, and the other not to be disown e. obtained without both. A. lelfon learned with llroakes, ftaies with the fcholler, when a fentence read without regarde, is not lb ibone in at one eare, as out at the other: And loue gained with lighes & 6 Te!l-Trothc3 New-yeares Gift. flightes encreafeth, when obtained otherwil'e, it foone decayeth. Durum pad meminijje dulce, & an ounce of pleafure ftolne with feare of a pound of vnreft, makes vs ftill to thinke on the fweetenetle of loue, and all wayes to be Ibiuing to continue it, when the contrary will procure lighte regarde thereof. How tarre more delightfome is flolne venifon to him that hath inough, then his owne ? And how plealant is that meat in tatle which is dainty ? Thinges farre fetchte and deere boughte, are good for Ladies : and trifles will often better content then trealure. The Diuels crye lor miilike, but who beares the brunt of it ? The feete that fiie from it, not the head that bredd tlie baite ; the man can prouide for himfelle, when the poore woman is voide of all fuccour, and he will haue a cloake to hide his mifery [^ otig:h.\s\ when the thai! want a cap to couer htr^ extremitye. She muft beare btriii'"^' ^•'^'^ lumpes and low res j if happily flie efcapes the blowes, the biting ^ woordes, if not worfe, eueu cruell hart-breakinges and back-beatinges. Thus ihall the Fat;hers couetuoul'nes be caufe of the childes vndooing_. and his harts-eafe beginning of her woe, and ende of her happinelie : his likinge meeting with her loathing, which Ihall vndoe her by lelowly. Hath God by an inilin£l of nature ingrafted loue io farre forth in vnreafonable creatures, as they dt)o not onelye choofe their mates (as all creatures doe), but line faithfullye to them, and con- ftantly with them, fo longe as life endureth 3 and Ihall that priuiledge be taken Irom man-kinde, whome onely he hath endowed with reafon and difcretion ? The birdes bringe vpp the yong, vntiU they can iliift for themfelues, and then giues them leaue to vie their [3 leaf A 4] liberty : tlie beaftes of the iielde haue the felfe ^ fame freedome, and Men [make] the fiihes iu the Seaj no other rellrainte^ onely man is iniurious vnto themse![iies] vmiattir[ai] himfclfe, bv vnnaturall vfage of his deerell: bloud. They care for tothcir[chil-] . die« ijy their children vntill they be ixilt care : and euen then themfelues mattiies freed from that charge, the}' bring their young ones to a greater croife : geuing them forrow for their pleafure, and vnreii: in tleede of hartes eafe. They doe not matche them with the mates their childrens eies haue chofen, but with the men their owne greedy defire haue found out : little fore-thinking of their childrens after-greeuinge, and their owne repenting. They regard not now a dayes the old fayingc of the wile man, / had rather haue a man then inuny, but tedify by their doinges that they eifeeme more of wealth then ol Tell-Trothcs New-ycares Gift. 7 humanity. They forget what themfelues haue beene, and will not remember what themlelues haue done. Their coueteoufneflfe choak- eth their charity, and their worldly care keepeth em ^ for knowinge [> oHg. diuinity. They abhorre and grow mad to heare their children entreat for =from.] fur the maides that pleafe them, or for the men their foules loue, but lirant like they fay,y?f volo Jic iuleo,ftet pro ratione voluntas : I like him, and thou Ihalt haue him j loue this man or I will loath thee. This effefte hath coueteoufnelfe in the father j and beholde what dif- contentmente it worketh in the childe. He or fhee by duety is bound to their Parentes commaundement, and for feare of their difpleafure are linked to continuall mifery. What faith the hulband to the wife, but, this was thy fathers worke, to winne me by his mony ; and fince hee hath his will with the want of my weale, I wil not liue alone in forrow, but^ will make thee tafte [2<>r/^. bnt] of the fame fauce. Thy Father hath his, and why lliould I not haue mine ? So faith he, and fo fareth fhee : hee inuentes meanes to make her mourne, and leaues no pradife vntried, which is like to procure her mifery. They liue in one houfe, as two ennemies lie in the held : their habitation being feuered, like twoo campes that bee ready for battell. Hauocke is made lauiihly, of that their fathers gathered corruptly, that either being fpente lafciuioufly in the com- pany of llran-^gers, or licentioufly in controuerfies at law. So great [3 an- arig-. au-] ''mifchiefe arifeth of coueteoufnelfe in matches of matrimonye. [4ieaf ^4, Touching the faluing of which fore, it is moft requifite that the children Ihould haue their free liberty in hkinge, as the fathers haue had theirs in choofmg. For as thofe matches are beft, wher there is a mutuall agreement betweeue parentes and their children, fo do thofe for the moft part loue beft, that haue the priuiledge of choofinge for themfelues. My cheefeft reafon may bee drawne from contentment in loue, which is fatisfied with any thinge, accordmg to the laying, Loue hath no lacke ; and my old lelfon, Sc/fe do,felfe haue, makes the patient often not to complaine of a great fore, when an other will cry out for no harme. Experience hath belt difplayed it to fome : and common reafon cannot but make it knowne to all. For who that hath done him felfe an iniury will complaine thereof, for feare of beeiiig ^accompted a foole ? Or what woman that hath [sacc^orig. arc-] burnte her linger will blame others for the deede done by her felfe ? 8 Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. You might haue tooke better keede, and // was your owne fault, are two flirode plafters for a greene wound : and the minds of men are befl: pleafed with their owne thoughts, & women with nothing more contented then to haue their willes. WJien a woman dillrulles of any helpe to come from any part-taker, lliee will bee glad to pleafe hir hutband, & they two falling foorth, flie (hauing none to maine- taine her in her pride) will bee contented to reconcile her felfe vnto him by klnde fubmillion. And where a louing kilfe will faue a great deale of cofl, if there it bee not vfed, mony cannot be better beftowed then in buying wit to laue the next charges. But how now, Robin ! thou haft beene ouer longe in thy digreliion. I haue indeede, and therfore, frend Tell-troth, I returne to my matter, indiscreete A fecoud caufe of lelocy fpringeth from indifcretion in gouern- goueniment the second ment, which is either in one or both of them that are linked together cause of leiosy. in mariage, neither of them hauing reafon to knowe what belonges to either, or neither of them difcretion rightly to corre£l what is amille in either. Loue will bee too wanton vnlefle he be whipped with ruihes, and ouer dull if his winges be clipped ; giue him his [I sig. E] liberty, and he will runne at raudum j ^ Ihut him vp in prifon, and he will be ftarke mad 3 fo that gentle correftion muft barre his libeny, and mild chalVicement preuent his madneffe ; a wanton toung be- wraies a lafciuious hart, and by the vttrauiice of the toung, wicked thoughts are manyfeftedj therfore, either to gaze lafciuioully, or to fpeake wantonly, may moue lellofy. Modefty in a young woman is as a garland of wheat in a ioyfuU harueftj and difcretion in a man like an oliue braunch after loner difcention : llie honoureth her huf- o band with a figne ot happinelle, and he contentes his wife with a pledge of loue ; by his willlome hee teacheth her knowledge, and by her obedience Ihe makes him glad 5 his correftion is as a warme cup of drinke to a cold ftomake, and her reformation as a fonne-lhine daye after much raine. Peace flourillieth where wifdome ruleth, and ioy raigneth where modefty direfteth. To pleafe the harte of a huf- bande, is to ioyne vnity with the whole world ; and to be in the loue and fauour of a wife is a freedome from much carej wifdome there- fore in men to gouerne their common wealths, and modeftie in women, are of no fniall meanes to continue vnity, and deftroy lellofy. Tcll-Trothes New-yeares Gift. 9 Another caufe is caulelcfTe difcontentment, when the man u ill ^!'."f^'^ iowre without occafion, and the woman fret, not knowing any reafun, [f,"'"i',;|j'^ and clpecially when cither of them wil oppofe them felues againfi; other, and botli of them maintaine their hartes pride : when a man \\ ill liiide fault without caufe, or a woman complaine of two much eafe, it fhowes a troubled minde and breeds fufpeft. He that cannot be merry at home, goes about to pcrfwade hee will be mad abroad j and Ihee that lowers on her hufband when he comes home, fliowes the had as line haue his roonie as his company : where loue is, there is no thought of battell^ and there, what abfence hath hurt, prefence will heale. A kind and louing wife forgetteth all vnkindneire by the light of her befi: beloued, as a child doth the corre6lion of his mother by the receipt of an apple from her; and a difcreete hulband is no longer difpleafed then a fault is a doing. Contentment is an excellent I'auce to eury difli, and pleafantneffe a finguler portion to preuent milchiefe: the head is neuer^ euill; but either it is ^pleafantly difpofed [^ "rig: or knauilnly occupied. A merry countenance is a figne of content- [2 sig. b, ment, but froward wordes are meifenger of melancholly. In what the hart delighteth, with that it is beft pleated j and harde it is to hault before a creppell. A frowne lodeth, and a fmile lightneth j to frowne therefore kindly, is a barre to lellocy : but loading crabbedly, men vndoe themfelues fpeedily. Many men delighting in much company, cannot be contented to [M]ensfo!l>v [the] fourth. follow their denre abroad by vling new familiarity, but wil bring daily grief vnto their houfes, as little regarding their difpolitions with whome they ioyne frendlliip, as the occafions that may be otfered of dillike by after repentings ; fo that following their pleafure in fatistieng that humor, they fall afterwards into a worfe vaine, being fufpitious of oner much familiarity to haue crept with their acquaintance, and doubtful leaft their copefmates are matched wi;h them in their darlinges bofomes. When they will begin fo to watch their wiues eies, and dogge their frendes lookes, as the mife fliall not pepe with- out daunger of the cats, nor the filly women fpeake without lufpiiion of faliliood. Others will bring Itrang women vnlo their wiues to welcome : fpeaking lauiflily of their beauties, and vn- decently in their prailes, they will make comparifon without difcretion, and giue iudgement without wilUouie. I'hey regard prel'ent pleaf- lo Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. ure, but care not for future pr(jfit, not fo much as thinking on the chilling winter in the heate of funimer, nor of warre in time of peace. They confider not how loue wil brooke no equahtie, ncjr marriage allowe of the leaft vnconllancy ; and both thefe, though themfelues haue beene the procurers of tlieir own difcontentment, yet will they lay all the burthen on their wiues backes, either plaging them in beeing fufpitious, or puniihing them by making them ielious. The old fayiig is, ihat he which will no pennance doe, mufl flionne the caufe that belongs thereto : had I wift, is a llender remedy to remoue repentaunce, but a manifell badge of folly, efpecially when a man will leaue the bridg, to trie to leap oner the ditch and fill into it. Thought is free; but when the toung blabs, it [■ sig. B 2] is figne tiie hart ' aboundes. What an euident token of folilli blind- nelfe is it, for a man to feeke many daies to pleafe his mind, when afterwards, hauing found and inioying it, he will millike thereof in a moment, by light of a new obie6le ? O ! that is a weake harte that hath fuch a wandring eie ! and hee is no fmall foole that i'o little elleemes of experience, as hee delighteth in the pratlife of vnknowne conclufions. Might it pleale them to vfe lelfe wordes and more wit, fewer companions or kinder familiarity, they lliould not fo lightly enter the hazard of lellofy. The ill 111 counfell is the next caufe of lellofy j wher by the wicked co[un]cell , . ,-.,.,,. (if the (whole immaginations are only to loe dilcentions by brutmg euil wicked thTe] _ _ fta cause [of] fuppofes, bred of a fufpitious braine, & vttered with colored hipocrifie) lelosy. labour to fette debate betweene true hartes, and to Ihuffle in fufpition amongft thofe that are free from thought thereof. They will ftriue to perfwade by liklyhoods, & confirme afcertions with falfe oathes. They will place betweene man and wife a tree of difcorde, and plant in peacable houfes, rootes of variance; their toungs lliall be wagging to with them to tall of the fruit thereof, their heads ftudying how to bring them to like of the praAile of their premeditated mifchiefe. They will alleadg, lo thus it hath proued by others, and fo hath it fell out vntf) theui for want of fufpition. Think on the worll (fay they) for the belt is not hurtfuU ; but thinke of them as of the worit, fay I, for they are moft hurtful 1. Credite And thefe make-bates will not let to brute reportes, though g[i]iicn to . _ . , . - . fal[scj meerely falfe, to confirme their layings, cloking their mifchiefe wilh reportes t[hej sixt. Tell-Trothes Ncw-yeares Gift. ii the habit of good meaning, and hiding iheir knauery wiih a fliow ot purilie. Tiiey will tatle tales as if fraught with trulh : and vtter llanders, with proteftations. 'l"lu-y will inuent to perfvvade, and fweare to contirme : flicking burres on tlK-ii- backes, that were free liom n)otcs; and rilling their heads with wonders, that before were in (|uiet. They ioy to fet difcenlion in a louing plat, and reioyce to fee debate bclweene taithfull fi\ luk-s ; they hunt after controuerfie, and honour lellofy. And bccaule thenifelues are old, they will hate all that are younger then thenifelues, and fufpe6t all, for that themfelues haue loued ^ the game: experience of knauery is a peftilent helpe to ['si? B a, _ back, lellofvj and if the mother hath loued to playe falfe, ihee will bee fare to millrult the daughter. Iieware, for I haue tried: lis a \ilewhip to Icourge a fearefull hart v\ith; antl perfwarions from a dilVembling hart are wontlrous hurtful! to an vnconrtant louer. Ii is a fmall bit that will not make a hungry dogge gape, and an vnfauery morfell that will not content a longing appetite. A will, with a diuelilh wit, will prattile any thing; and what is it that they cannot eft'ette ? Marrv, the bell helpe to preuent their mifchiefe, is milbehefe; and the readielt mean to trie truth, is, to ftarch into their own hues. And for iliai ) ou ihall, Tell-Trolh, quoth hee, the better vuderftand the diuelilhnelfe of lueh creatures as are thefe makebates, Iwill tell thee a merry tale, I haue hard there tould, of one who was croll in her wicked fidpilion. U'here was an olde trott, that in her youth h;iuing beene a true [A m]erry " ° tale [of a] traueller, and now through her loofe life was worne to the bones and make .bate. pall all goodnelle, dwelled neere vnto a properyoung woman matched with a very honell man. This olde beldame, being good for nothing but to keepe the cat out of the alhes, and to prattell ouer a pot of nut-browne ale, would fpend the rell of her time which was not im- ployed ouer the fagget, in lilting at the dore to watch what company reforted to the young mans houfe afore faid. Whether, for that he was of a trade, ditl (■()n\e diners, f()me to bargaine, other about other bufinelle, and amongll the reft, this man had a frend, being a young man, which did often repaire thether. The olde cat hauing feene him there twife or thrife, beeing at a certaine time amongft many of her olher golfopes, (like vnto her felfe in condition and of her own Itiunpe by anlitjuily,) called this honeft mans w iues name into (jueftion. 12 Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. fo fetting her worne chappes a wagging, as flie burthened her con- Icience with the confirmation of her miftrullfulhieire concerning her lining. The reforte thether was her reaion, and the fight of the former younge man her conclufion for the truth thereof. Some of her companions (fomewhat better difpofed then her felfe) gaue their [■ sig. B 3] iudgement with fonie toPleration concerning the fufpefted difiionefty, of which fhe mifliking, reproued their hght of beliefe with a flnime- lefie interrogation, howe fhee could bee honeft, feeing fuch a one doth reforte daily vnto her, who is like to bee a wild youth, and therefore cunning, and the a young woman foone to be inticed : we know (faid flie) by experience the dealings of fuch mates, hauing our felues beene fully tried by their flightes : verily they cannot be well thought ori; nor may Ihe be liked, nor her hufband praifed, for giuing Afires-bir[d,] fuch entertainment. Vpon which report, her withered goUipes gaue sat continu- yppe their verdi(5t, that then indeede flie could not be honeit : and fo lilly by the r r ' i hro side. f^j. Qj^j- time the court broke vppe. They gon, this wether-beaten fieres-bird could not be fatisfied with thus much, but the cliutfe her hufband comming in, Ihee could not chufe but tell him of the com- pany that had beene with her, and of the talke that had palfed betweene them, with a recitall of her newly broched mifchiefe, affirming it was great pittie, feeing fhe was a very proper young woman, and bee an honefl man, a young beginner that was like to doe well, were he not ouer-reached by fuch companions. Doubtlelfe (quoth lliee) it were good, and a thing well pleafing vnto god to impart thus much vnto her hufband, peraducnture he, filly man, miftruli no fuch matter, or is loth to oftend his wife by telling her of it ; but if hee feekes not prefent remedy, howe is it polfible hee lliould efcape vndoing? To which fuppofed impoflibility hee agreed; I thinke, lead thereunto rather for feare then otherwife, as you ffiall hereafter gather. Well, fhortly they agreed to fend for the yong man, and at his comming fent for a pinte of wine, giuing him therewith to gnaw, fuch cruftes of fmall comfort, as tended both to his owne difcredite &: his wiues dillionefty : both their opinions concerning fuch men which refort to his houfe, as they feared, rather to her then to him : as alio the reportes of other their neighbours that greatly piltied them, miflrult- ing no lelle then tliey had faide, confirmed their fiaunders, endinge their tittell tattcU with perl'wafions to furew arne their wiues of fuch Tell-Trothcs New-yeares Gift. 13 c():n])any. With wliich vnlooked-for bniKjuel, the younge man, being flrokcn ainiifed (and maruell not, (ince it was meat ^ of fo hard a dif- ['^^Jfj ^ ^' golture), lloodc liill for a fcafon j but after callinge hia wittes together (of which he had no fmall neede being mated with two fuch rookes) J^^^l^J^f^^ alfured themof his wines conftancye toward him, that loued him moft [bn-jng (Jj^"' iniierly, and obeyed him moll duetyfully. And touching the reforte, his trade required cullomers, and not of the word fort (for he was a ihoomaker) ; and lb lightly thanking them for their protefted good will (giuing as fmall credit to their prittell prattcll as he had llomacke to their cheere) he departed home, nothing lelfe louiiig, or thinking worfe of his wife then hee did before. But they, feeing their purpofe Tlie nature ^ [of] a Hec touke lb little effecle, grewe mad, efpecially the llie beetell, that in a be«p^'i i^.' srreat rao^e llie polled to the tauerne, where Ihe found fome of the ?^\°'^ „. a o f > [fo^rce to flie ciuell of inquiry aforefaid, to whome ihe blafed the rancour of her [aJsa'nst ) ^ J ' ei[trijer man hart, Ihowing them howe lliamsfully their young neighbour was to^^l^j^^^'' wronged, and dillionellly abufed, through his kind fimplicity. Where- [^''^J='°- vppon this honell man was dubbed amongll them a wittallj but while nu)ther trot and her fellowes were defcanting on others honelly, there came in a new goliip, and not without newes, aiFuring this breede-bate that her hulband (the olde fornicator that had beene with his wife a bate-maker) was at the flower de luce, a houfe of as good refort of honefl; women as any be in brid-well, and had fent for thether wine and other good cheerej which brought fo bad cheere to her hart, as in all hatle Ihee did runne thether: where not finding him, but vnder- llanding, I know not by what meanes, that hee was newe gon, fliee fals fo hot to fcoulding with the whipperginne her oltice, as from wordcs they fell to blowes, lb as in the ende our good neighbour came home to her hulband with a painted face, as if Ihee had beene at her nuntions with cats. Well, beeing come, loane Stoomp-foot and Tom Totty, fell to 'thou knaue' ami ' thou queane,' with other fuch lliamelelfe tearmes, as her hulband, not able to ouermailler her that way, began to beelabour her faire and handfomely with a faggotftick, a nrefent remedy to charme fuch diuelilli lounges. With which Which was ^ •' ° the Shee nolle (for doubtleffe it was great, efpecially the longe toungd beare make-bate, getting the worfe), the neighbours beeing troubled, were "forced of P leaf B 4] pitty (0 come in, who, feeing the fray bloody, feuered the knaue and the queane, and fo parted the combate. But the fcoulding champion 14 Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gii't. (hauing good occafion to fet her chappes a-wagging, that were faine to llaunder before, for want of other matter) curfed the time that eiur fhee met with fach a whore mailer knaue, teUing the whole circum- ftaunces of the matter, with tearmes fit for women of her owne ftampe. And her hulband, on the contrary part, forced to heare her tale, requites it with a iadiih trici taken with before time by him in his celler with a colher vpon tuo fackes of coales. And thus both of them that accufed others fo huely of dilhonefty, were now by all condemned for a lelious knaue and a millrullful! baude, worthy titles for fuch makebates. I therefore warne (quoth Robin) both all fuch lelious goffipes as loue to haue owers in euery mans bote, and could wifh that all mens daggars belonged to their Iheathes, and alfo thofe driggell drag- gells (whofe wicked and lafciuious lines haue wafted their bodies to the bones, and yet not worne the tippes of their tounges) to leaue to be fo raih in their iudgementes, or to let their ihamelelTe inftruraentes to blabb fuch vnconfcionable vntrothes to fo abhominable an ende. And I alfo councell both men and women, lightly to regard thtir backebitings and flaunders, that by vncliaritable intermedling with their doings, feeke to moue ilrife and procure dillike, betweene thofe that loue faithfully and liue quietly together, neuer giuing occafion of fufpition the one to the other, feeing that llaunders are onely like- ly hoodes, and no likelyhood certaine. The hard A feaueuth caufe proceedeth of hard vfage, when as a man \y\\\ vsase ether . . . , , . - . .ifa man to- brutilbly vie his wife by ftrokes, and currilhlv barre her of matri- wariies his wife, or of moniall kindneiie. The man that will lifte vp his hand againft his [aj woman towards her wife, is like thc liorfe that doth fling out his heeles to ftrike his hushanile, '^3 '''^., , keei)cr ; the one hauinj a kiiauiihe, and the other a iadiih tricke. seaiienti lij ' •" " cause of WjU a man of loue launce his owne flelhe, thouu;he fome of deuotion lelosy. ^3 fcourge their owne backes ? Doth not the dog feare the ftafle that hath ftroken him ? and can a woman like of the hand that hath hurt [' leaf 15 4, her? He that calleth his brother foole in 'anger, is in daunger of hell back] nre : and thinkes the other man that hatefully beates his wife, or the woman that reuiles her hulband, which are neerer the one to t!u other, to efcape that furnace ? It is an ealie matter to find a (tafte to beate a dogge, but vnpolfible to meete with a dogge thai will loue to be beaten with a ftalfe, and as hard to finde a kinde luilhand thai Tell-Trothes New-yearcs Gift. 15 will liold vppc liis hand in anger againft his wife, which is as liis owne hart vnto him ; but it is very eafie, for that they are ouer-coui nion, to hght vppon breakers of wedU)cke, that will hold vp their amies, bend their lills, and beat their filly wiucs, at their comming home from bad women, loathinge thofe that loue them, and louing thofe that lothes them but for aduauntage. There was alfo inform- ation made of many, that hauinge vfed their wines wondrous ill all their life time, dealing with them as rigoroufly as many lades do with the Oftlers knauiflily, that notwithftanding their cruelty hath beene manifeft to the whole world : yet lying vpon their deaihcs l)ed, as late as poUible they could, and yet belter late then nener, haue, (Iroken with penitencie, confeifed their faultes with forrow, and affirmed witii proteftations that they know there were, nor euer haue beene, more faithfull, careful!, obediente, nor loainge wiues then theirs : I pray you what would fuch haue prooued, if they had beene matched with like kind-harted men. Well, I leaue that to your iudgement, and will come to the laft cauie of lelofy. Which being not the leaft, is a leaud behauiour in company, when l)y loofe trickes it may bee adiudged that nothing l)at oportunitv is wantinge to their inciuillity. But where Ihame tames not, there blame maines not. A feftred fore muft haue a fearching falue ; and a ihamelefle fmile an open frowne. They that carelefly offende the law of modeftye, muft not tafte of the fweete of courtefv ; and they which refpe6l not humanity, flialbe troubled with lelofy. Blame not the childe that feares the rod, hauing felt the fmart therof, nor miflike thofe that flionne foure thinges, hauing tafted of fuger. A hound that knowes the game, delighres in hunting; and geue the keeper leaue to beftirre himMelfe when a curre chafeih his deare. Hce [isig. C] that fteales by night, efcapcs often when the day-theeues is appre- hended j but an impudent and defperate robber mul^ haue a ihort dome, for that a plaine matter needes a fmall trial). He that feares not the halter will hardly become true ; and they that care not for fulpe6l, are feldome honeft. A ftill dogge bites fore, but the barking cur feares more. The hart is the direftor of the other partes. I pray you then what thinkes he that Ihames not who fee? Fy of hipocricie, but the diuell take impudencie. Thefe caufes thus fet downe were reduced into thefe eight kindes. 1 6 Tell-Trothes Nevv-yeares Gift. Knauifh and foolifh doters and fornicators, backebiters and liers. Bankrotes and hipocrites : the two tirft kindes haue eife6les from the third, fourth, and eight caufes, the two fecond from the firft and fifi ; the fix and feauen kindes, of the fourth and fift caufes ; and the two laft proceede, of the fecond, third, and feauenth caufes, of euery one of which there was a feuerall bil of complaint deliuered, which for that they were very tedious, I haue but onely brought awaye the endorcementes of them. The firft was, that whereas lafper Impudencie lately entertained into the familiarity of one loone, good wench, that had vfed him very kindly in fecrete, had to her great difcredite, for that the barred him of that Priuiledge in an open affembly, called her name and fame in quetlion, by acculing her of plaing faft and loofe (about a kind glaunce that Ihee had geuen vnto an other, that had better deferued her fauour), in confideration of whofe foolilh knauery and knauiih folly, Ihee delired redrefle againft him. The fecond was, againft the folly of a yong nouice, that was fo pailionate for the lone of a maide, that he could not fee any tofpeake vnto her, but ftraighte would fall into a founde through lelofy. An other complained of an old dotor of fourfcore yeares of age, that had gotten, through the compulfion of her parentes, her felfe in marriage, being but two and twenty. Who through his watching, and the dodging of an old beldam his fitter, being in houfe with him, was fo tormented, that if Ihee were neuer fo little out of both their fightes : l' sig. c, he prefently thought his head be^gan to bud, though it were in the backj deade of winter, and woulde moll: fliamefully raile vpon her. And Ihee, hauing learned fome fubtelty by the old foxes craft, on a time fl^ole foorth to her fathers to fupper, not making any priuy to her parting, and there flayed vntill nine of the clock. When comming home, ftiee found her hulband a bed, that had almoft fretted his hari out for his wiues long tarrying : who no fooner faw her, but fell a threatning of her, and flricktly examining her where Ihee had beene : But fliee, beeing well acquainted with that cuftome, fained, that b\- chaunce, comming from her fathers, ihee met with a younge gentle- man, an old frend of hers, that would not be faid nay, but flie mult of force go fup with him. And affirming that to be true, fliee tell Tcll-Trothes New-yeares Gift, 17 downe vppon her knees and craned his pnrdon. At tlie hearing of which, yea, and before Ihec had qnile done fiiow thinking that to be certeine, which before he onely niillnilled, being verily perfuaded that the dellinies hadd crowned him witli a paire of homes for his New-yeares gift), he fpitted at her, hiying Bridewell in her dilli, and the cart for her trencher : not only refufing her company for his bed- fellow, but driuing her out of liis chamber witli a bedrtaffe. Neither contented with this, but in all haft in the morning hee trotted vnto her fathers : infourming him of many falfe tales, and amongft the reft, her laft nights tricke was brought in for a contirmation of his hard fortune in beeinge matched with fuche a one. But her father, knowing that to be falfe, and the other as likely, perfuaded him from his lelofy, which would not be, notwithftanding. The fourth kind defired iudgement againft their hufbauds, that, hauing beene married to them the fpace of threefcore yeers, and growing wery of them, brought home to their houfes yoong men, vnder the titles of their kinfmen, to haunt their companies, with com- mandment that they ihould vie them as well as them felues. Who (through their ciuill behauic;r deleruing no lelTe) being on a certaine time in their chamber with them, were taken by their hulbandes with other of their copefmates, that through bribes proued falfe wittnefTes, by which the old fornicators procured deuorcementes, and married youuge wenches. ^ As for make-bates, there was framed againft them a bill, to the [' sij- C 2] eft'efte of the tale aforetould of them. And touching their commo- rades the liers, they were complained of, for that in open aftemblies they would fpeake againft lelofy, curfing him and his followers. But beeing matched accordinge to their hartes defire, with women that are moft faithful! and honeft, enioying through them the happinefle of a blelVed eftate, they, ouercloyed with the fweete it yeeldeth, and wearied with the gainefull fruite which arifeth therof, will (for that ther are no occafions of lelofy offered) themfelues nourifti caufers by moft vnciuill companions. Talke of lelofy in their company, they wil vtterly condempne fuch tickell headed Buftlirdes, that vppon enerj- light occafion are miftruftful of their wines, fwearing and protefting that they are not, nor would bee of fuch a fufpitious fociety for the SHAKSrERli'S ENGLAND : TELL-TROTH. 2 1 8 Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. world : when their priuy checkes for their wines modeft famiharity Ihall be fo openly executed, as their aftions fliow their tounges haue lyed. But thefe of the lixt kinde are knaues in graine, that hauing lauifht their ftockes leaudly by badd meanes, and feeing their eftates to grow weake, will feeke out wiues, not of the common forte for properneffe, but fache matchleffe paragons as are for neatneffe not to be mated in a countrey. Thefe muft bee fett in their flioppes to tola in cuftomers ; vnto whome, if they Ihow not themfelues good-fellowes by gentle fpeeches, their houfes will proue to hoat for them. They muft not fticke to promife fairely and to kiife, fo they do it clofelyj onely this prouifo muft be had, that they keepe them out of their mony boxes and clofecubberds. Which praftife proouinge profitable, and thereby their eftates being amended, Ibaight falfe meafure is fufpefted, and thervpon, this their owne inuention mifliked off. Then they will fay that they do more then their commiflion alloweth, though leffe a great deale then in the beginning was com- maunded. Yea, thence after they muft fit no more in the flioppes for feare of thunderclappes ; and if perchaunce once in a moneth they are there, in which time it may happen fome of their olde cuftomers to come to renue their acquaintance, priuy frownes flialbe geuen [I sig C 2, them ^of the wittals their hulbandes, their chapmen beeing in com- ^ord hyf'^^' V^^'^Y i 3"^^ '" ^^^'^^'' abfence, bitter woordes, if not bilinge blowes. Then fliall they not bee fuft'ered to looke on a man without controle- ment, nor dare to fpeake to any for feare of buftets. If any aske for them, buying there, prefently they are thoughte to be their wiues cuftomers, and therefore fliall haue bad entertainement, and be lerued with the woorft ftufte, if any be worfe then other. The laft were cried out vppon, for that, whereas they are married with honert mens children, beeing beloued of them far better then they deferue, they will fhowe them fo much kindnelle in their wooing time, and on their marriage day, as they leaue neuer a whit for the time following. For, hauing reaped the firft dayes roll, and beeing inriched with the profit thereof, they growe carelefte of that which might infue, thinking there is no heauen but the time preient, nor any commodity like to arife of the remnant. Before company, their kindncfte fliall bee fo freely vied, as when their wiues and they Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. 19 are alone, noughte but bitter wordes and worle ihall followe. Abroad, their behauior towardes them ihall bee palling louing, mingled with kinde mirth; but at home they will lo lumpe and lowre, as it were better to be in hel, then to line in houfe wiih Inch hipocriticall lelious hulbandes. At fealles and at alTemblies they will vie them- felues like faintes, affirming they are matched with pearlefTe wenches for good and honelle behauior ; but in their chambers they are diuels, llifpeciting fallhood and dole dealings betweene their dearell trends and faithfull wiues. And to make an end of the meife, I will tell you of an euidence giuen there againft a mofi: notable alTe. There was one that, to Ihonne his predeftinated fortune, and to ])rcuent his hard hap fore-told him by ibme diuell incarnate, did fearcli to fee if hee mighte iinde fuche an ill-fliuoured peece of Itutfe as all men els would millike of, not efteeming how deformed ihee were, lb fhee brought money with her. And at lafl:. Nature had ihapen a morcell for his tooth, fuch a matche as it was impollible to mate her, vnlelle her forenamed mother had bene Miired therevnto. [' sig. C 3] Shee was beetell-browed, goggell-eyed, blobber-lipt, wry-necked, crooke-backt, and fplay-footed : hauinge the huckle bone of her breech burft, whereby ihee wente wriggling with her taile like a broken legged dogge; with fo fweete a breath, as a man had beene as good to haue gone faltinge into the comnion gardens about London, as into her chamber when Ihe was in it. With this vnmatchable creature did this tripling marrie, fuj)pofing it vnpoflible that (lie that^ \_^ orig. thri] had neuer a good part in her body, Ihoulde haue lb bad a tricke as to lende his mullard pot to others vies. Wherevppon, ioying that hee alone lined with an honeft woman (as hee thought), hee would laugh at his neighbours folly for chooling wiues to feme other mens turnes, beeing, by feeding of their owne fancies, cuckold by fuch as himlelfe was, who had notwithllandinge at home for his owne diet fuch an one as would not bee of others regarded, nor himlelfe coulde fnuffe it off. But his tender crippell, knowing that there were Vulcans that wonlde Ibmetimes looke into ftraunge Smithes fhoppes, and perfuading her felfe that Peciiuia omnia pofeji, did hire a plow- man fliee had, to fupplj^e Ibme wants in her fweete hartes abfence. Who, agreed on the matter, did lb clolely perfourme their knauery, as to their thinkinge the Diuell himlelfe perceiued not their villany. 2 Tell Trothes New-yeares Gift. Well, foone after there came certaiue chapmen to this clothiers lioufe, (for he was of that trade) to make merry with him al the Chrift maffe holly dayes, in which time they vfed this kinde crippell for his fake fo familiarly, as they would ielt with her before his face. "^Vho, watchinge for a diilie from off lelofies table, feared his owne Ihadow would beguile himfelfe, and therefore would neuer leaue, vntill by a fhift he had got them forth of his doores. So played hee with euery one that came after vnto his houfe, warning his wife from viing fucli companions familiarly : neuer mifdoubtinge Lobb, his man, that did daunce trenchemore once euery day in his priuy kitchin. But the deftinies that had fworne his horned dubbing, to let him fee the fruite of his choice, and the certainety of his fortune, (tor to be a cuckold, and know it not, is no more (fayes fome) then to drincke [I sig. C 3, with a flye in his ^cuppe, and fee it not,) brought him on a time into his barne ; when thinking to finde his man a threlhing, he found him a kiffing of his crippell, \\ith fo plaine further euidence of his hard fortune, as he killed both man and wifej and himfelfe was hanged for it after wardes Of thefe fortes were the billes of enditementes, beeing pra6lifes fo well liked and allowed off by this confocation, as the perfourmers of them were rewarded with the beft entertainement Hell affoordes. And laying plats to effetl: further milchief, they concluded that, by cutting one an others throat, their kingdome might fooneft be enlarged. To which end they inuented thefe meanes, which I will rehearfe vnto thee. Firff, that knauilli lelofy lliould be requited with clubbing iniury : namely, that they that flial abufe their loues with lauifli ipeeches, fhall be lubberly beaten by champions, which fhall be prouided for that pur- pofe: lb that, through knauifli millruftfulnelTe and murthering reuenge, they may all purchafe Hell. Thew that thofe fooles, which (being lodgde in the bed of conllant amity, taking their rell in Pleafures armes : and rocked a tleepe louingly, like infantes in the cradle of Difporte, by their nurfes CarefuUnelfe & Security) toffe their loues conftancy fo lightly with Itroakes of biting and iniurious wordes, and baule fo vnquietly, Ihowing moft ielious trickes of childifhe miftruft- fullneffe, as they force thereby their nurfes to bee careleffe of their vndikreete quietneffe, and to turne their bliffe into bane. That Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. 21 tluie (I lliye) for rcquitall of fuche fooliflinefle, (houlde bee cafl: otf, neiier againe to talle of the fweeteneffe of their looues wonted curlefy, by wliich nH-anes they may become defperate and hang themfelues. And touching doaling or dohing lelofy, that their wines, to pay them for their fufpition, flioulde not wander much abroade, nor giue entertainement to any gallants at home, but to growe famihar with their feruauntes, and ioyne luch a helper to their hulbandes im- perfe6tion as lacke the fcullian is, which lliall neuer bee miftrufted. And the better to efFe6te lluir knauery, it was agreed that they iliould bee councelled that euer after le'lious complaintes made by['leafC4] their hu(bandes to their frendes, they llioulde fitte withe them at dinner and fupper for company, to preuente mildoubte, but flioulde not eate a bit, nor drinke a droppe, without their kindnes, for their hulbandes vnkindnes did yeeld fufficient teares to quench their thirfl: w'nh. Alarry, in a corner with iacke their partners, to fare as well as money and mirth could make them, Whereby it was thought that they would recant of their lelofy, and giue them liberty to vfe it at their pleafure, fo far as themfelues might be alfured how much they were vnhappy. And that fornicators (after they had obtained their defires according to the courle of lawe) fliould, ftroking vppe their crooked fliankes, and belabouring their rufty beardes with their wetherbeaten fingers, feeking other wenches, meet with \\hipper ginnies that fliould knowe how to vfe fuch old leachers fo hand- Ibmely, (beeing contented to indure difcontentment, with the thought of the coine that lines their olde bagges,) as they fliall be reputed by them for as honetl women as line, vntill the wedding day bee pall, ^^■hen in the euening (fore-thinkinge of the fmall pleafure is like to enfue by their pallime) they flial faine themfelues fo ficke, as of force they will lye alone, or at leaft without thofe old wretches. So fliall they feme them by the fpace of a moneth, by which time (and it is no marueil) the churles will beginne to mifdoubt fomewhat. But what fliall they care, feeinge they are miflrilfes of all they haue, and can keepe the chuffes from their owne ? When they tell them of their vnkindnelfe, thefe wil be ready to fpit in their faces, bidding them to goe trott vnto their trulles. As for them felues, they cannot abide fuch olde fooles : their breath Itinckes, thev llauer w ith their 22 Tell-Trothes New-veares Gift. kiffinge, with fuche other opprobrious fcofFes, as by iheir harde Ipeeches and woorfe vfage, they fhall make the olde fooles to betake themfeUies to tlieir beades, confefling with fliame their Ihame- lelVe behauiour towardes their late faithfull wiues, and, curfing the caufe of this haplelle fortune, cry Peccaui, and die quite dif- contenled. It was further agreed vppon, that backebiters, that will not ceafe [■leafC4, to blaze ielioas vntrothes, Ihall bee plagued with hauinge ^ their backj tounges pulled foorth, or elfe woorfe punilhed by loolinge the regardes of fuppofed honelly. And all the commodity fuche ma- licious Impes ihall reape for their knauery, i-;, a faire purchafed place called Bridewell j and for their falle reportes they ihall bee fare of a proper cage to huge in ; where their good names dyinge with their honeftye, I hey Ihall bee carried from thence in cartes of reproach, and be buried in continual infamy, ronge to hell with lathes of whip-corde. And the liers : they, becaufe they would not be iellious, but cannot leaue it, Ihal weare homes, whether they will or no. But the grand wittalls, that will ahire cuftomers by the fine wenches, and with hauing inriched themfelues thereby, will turne their knauery into villanie. They by their crabbedneire fliall come to extreame pouerty, and then endeauoring to put in triall their olde cuftome, their wiues fliall either growe Ituborne and reape no profit, [2 orii^. or elfe too too liberall,^ fpending: the remnant which is left, leauing librrall] ' 1 o ^ o their hulbandes as monyleffe as witlelTe. As for the lall: fort, not leaft, whofe miftrullfullneire cut their owne throates, caufing their [s oHf. wiues to fall vnto lewdneiie^ by ouer rulinge them with hippocrRlticall lewden5se] _ • iurilcli(5lion. Onely this fiiall be added vnto the forwardnelfe of their dift:ru6tion, that their halting dif[fi]mulation fliould breede vpft^artes to faue their fore forheades ; and they, regarding to maintaine their owne good names with hipocricie, Ihall thereby plante newe trickes of hufwiuerie in their wiues confciences. Thus, Te/l troth (cjuoth Rolbi), thou haft hard fome thinge that thou neuer hardft of before, which, when it Ihall come vnto the diuells eares, I knowe hee will bee monllrous collericke; but it mat- tereth not: it is better he Ihould fret, then humanity fade. Forvnlelle thefe his inuentions fliould be knowne, how fliould they be preuented ? Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. 23 I tell thee (trend), howfoeuer Ibnie ihinke of me, Robiu, as he is a good tVUowe by name, fo is hee no lelle in mindej and I Iwearevnto thee I had rather lee the diuells dance the morice alone in that fiery hellhoule, then a chrilliau to tbote it there, through want of know- ledge of thrir ' inuentions. O, tell troth, is it not great pittie to fee fo [' sig. D] maiiye thoufandes, through folly to inthrall themfelues to tormentes euerlafting? thou wouldell thinke it vnpoHible that the hundred part of them which are there onely for lelofy, fliould bee bred in a world. Why, man, I haue onely tould thee of the lelofy betweene man and wife, and tlie louer and his fweet hart ; I haue not touched the lelofy betweene frend and frend, the father and his fonne, the mother and her daughter, yea, and betweene whome not, that are ioyned together, either by confanguinity, neighbourhood, by office, or duety. I let thefe palTe, becaufe I meane not to meddle with them j onely, becaule thou wantefi: fome way to thy iornyes end, I will tell thee a pretty ieft, which though it bee mifplaced for want of memory, yet here it may come in very good tim[e]. And it is of an olde dotor that was very well ferued. This dotor, who, though he were a man of fowerfcore yeares of age (knowing himfelfe vnable to fatisfy the expetlation of a widow of his owne Handing), yet would he needes marry with a girle of foureteene; Who, being conflrained thereunto by her freendes com- pulfion, not knowinge what belonged to the rites of matrimony, was contented to loue him entierly, and to Hue truely vnto him without thought of dillionefty. Yet fo ill conceited was this foolifli dotor, and fo w^eary of his happy eftate, as although he knew afTuredly the cubbard was clofe ihutt and without any crannes, yet could he neuertheleiTe fufpeft the filly moufe, and would fet trappes, hopinge to catche her, counfelled therevnto by his misdeeming thoughtes. If Ihee had beene neuer fo little out of his fight, he thought it was the fpring time, being but Chriflmas ; to ftay the forwardnes whereof, his froft-biting wordes Ihould nippe her. The younge cubbe at laft (learning fubtiltyby the olde Fox), lufpeftinge there was fome further fweete in a marryed womans life, then as yet iLee had tafled off, onely perfuaded thereunto by her hulbandes lelofye, tooke harte at grafle, and woulde needes trie a newe conclufion. The nexte day beeing fonrth at dinner with him, where were likcwife many women 24 Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. [t sig. D, of all degrees, fliee amongft the reft chofe ^ forth an old matron to wof-dfoonh] palTe away the time with, which in communication, finding her to be of fuch a courteous dilpofition, as vnto her fliee made complaint of the feruile bondage her frends had brought her too. Which ihee pittying (for what hart fo hard as would not pitty her, that wanted altogether contentmente r), gaue her fuch good councell as fliee her felfe had tried, hauinge beene peftered with the like inconuenience, though not with fo many hart-breakinges : whereof this younge woman liked fo well, on the morrow flie meant to put fome of her conclufions in praftife. And a brother of hers comming home vnto her the next day, flie likewife fliowed vnto him howe the lelofy of her hulband increafed, defiring him to help her to eife6t a pra6tife flie determined to try ; to which he foone agreeing, they ftole both into one of her chambers, there fpending the day in fecret communi- cation, How it might bee beft performed j which beeing earneft, paifed away the time fo foddenly as night was come vpon them ere they thought on it, fo that thereby he, forced to departe, was let foorth at the dore by her felfe, whome a maied fliee had (which the olde dotor made more of then of her felfe) did efpy, not knowing who it was. But fhee had newes inough that it was a manne, and fo good to her liking, as in all haft her mailter muft be made acquainted therewith ; he, vpon the hearing thereof, growing fo hot, as he did not onely beate his wife, but in a great rage turned her forth of the dores, reuiling her moft fliamefuUy. The lilly woman had no other fuccour but to goe to her brothers that was married, in the fame towne (for flie durft not complaine to her father on a foddaine, he was fo cruell), who receiued her kindly, and lodge[d] her for that night, becaufe it was fo late. And in the morning betimes hee went with her to her fathers, making him acquainted with the whole matter. Who, after the true fcarcli of the certainty thereof, condemned his owne foil}'' for the match, fending for the olde mifer, that was met at the dore pofting thetherwards to complaine. But at his comming his expeftation was quite fruftrated, for wher, according to a former courfe had in the like praftife, he looked to liaue his wife rebuked & [' sig. D 2. himfelfe moned, ^ hee was nowe, not onely fliarpely threatened for his he] mifufage towardesher, but alfo deferuedly fcoffed at, and driuen force perforce (becaufe hee was matched with his fuperiours), to bee there- Tell-Trotlies New-yeares Gift. 25 with contented. And vppon the Iriall of the truth he found himfclfe fo phiinely convi£lcd, as hee confelfi'd his faulte, and alked her forgiue- nes, fewing for a reconfciliaticni to bee made between them. Which done, they departed home, & his wife, not forgetting the ftiame fliee had indured by his meanes, lliuldirtl to requite his viUanye, and eftefted it after this manner. Her hulband kept a proper man whome he did put in lb great trull:, as be liiercd him for a Itale to deceiue himfelfe by wilhing him to trie iiis wines conllancy, Who dallied fo long w iih tbe flame, as at lail he was l)urnle w ilh the fire of defire, his atieftion fo iumply meeting with her conceipt, as within a fhorte time, what by faire promifes, hirg[e] giftes, and her beauty (three notable baites to catch a kind foole with), llie had fo won him to her will, as he would not onely reueale vnto her what lb euer his wife mairter would fay, but alfo would euer by fa lie oathes fobbe him vppe with a thoufand vntruthes concerning her approued honefly. Well, his good reportes encreafed but further millike in his maifter, with a more earnefl: defire to finde her falfe j and there vppon he would teach his man how he lliould further trie her, letting downe fuch plaine plots as by the^ pra£life of them hee was fliortly after ivorig. thy] ready at any time to doe his millrelfe any good turne in his maifters abfence. He had fubtill wit inough, and therefore they both fped the better, he prouing lb good a plailter to her fore, as if Ihe and her hulband fel t)ut in the night, llie with her man would fport in the day time J and becaufe the olde foole was lb couetous as he would drinke onely fmall beere to fane charges, they two would courrofe whole gallons of wine at their going abroad, which was often with- out fufpition to the olde fooles homes. Allwayes at dinner and fupper he fliould haue her with him to (liaddowe miftrull, but fiiee would not eate a bit with him, becaufe his fare was fo bafe, collour- ing her nicenes with want of llomacke, and with forrow for his churlilhnes towardes her. With which -dilfembling (for what cannot [^sig. D 2, * back] women doe by teares?) her hufband, what betweene his mans flattery and his wiues hipocricy, was (juite chaunged, being verely perfwaded now that flie is a faint, repenting he euer miftrufted her, & recanting of his folly in fallly accufing her. For a mends whereof, hee con- felfed the fecond time to her parents and frendes that he had moll vndeferuedly oucrawed his faithful wife, greened with nothing more 26 Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. then his hard vfage towardes her, in retraining her, beeing young, of honeft liberty. In requitall whereof, it was lawful! for her with his young ftripling to goe forth and returne at her pleafure, to be in what company Ihe bell liked of, and nothing fufpefted, for at this time he would not let to fweare he had the onely honeft woman in the worlde. And if anye of his trends had reproued him of luch folly, aleadging that youth was foone inticed to lewdnefle, his aunfwere was, hee cared not, and his thankes were fliarpe wordes. But if his neighbours tould him fliee kept bad companye, affociating olher women that were good fellowes, hee, forth with, would raile vpon the reporters for llaundering his wiues honefly, and would ftraight haue the lawe of them for calling her good name in queftion. And thus lined this dotor as long as the diftinies woulde permit him, at his death leaning onely his homes for his fucceirors por- tion. How like you this, Tell-troth ? you fmild at this mans folly, but you had more neede to pittie the weaknes of fuch as, onely led with extreames, ether hate deadly, or etfefte too too childilhly. But nowe, becaufe thou art in a manner at thy iourneys ende, I mull leaue thee, yet, before I goe, knowe this fiirther newes. That at my comming from hell, the allemblie aforefaid had thought to haue broke vppe, and gon euery gouerner to his prouince to take their pleafures, beeing ouer- toyled with their tedious confultations. But as they were a riling, there came one in fweating, with a fupplication from Pierce-Penni- leffe, inforfing them thereby to a newe labour. Which I perceiuing, and iramagining it woulde bee long before it were ended, beeing [> leaf D 3] allready weary of their company, lefte that ^ newes for the knight of the polle, and fo you are wellcome to your iourneyes ende. Robin good fellow, looking for no other thankes for his company, but that (frend Tell troth) thou doll; me the fauour to publilh this my inuetf- iue againli lelofy. l't>r/,ir. Wherevpon he deliuerd' vnto me a fcroule of paper with the deliucringj contents hereafter followinge, and fo hee vanilhed awaye, I know not howe. [Large Coat 0/ Anns in Ihe original.] Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. 27 Robin Good-fcUowe his Inuectlue ^^S""'' againft lelofy. He Poctes altogether aymed not amilTe in their fiction, whereas, letting downe the torments of hell, they affirme ther is no torture that infliftes the furies with more extreame cruelty then the fond conceites of a ielious harte; and why ? for that the reuenge of a difdainefull woman is deadly, and her rewardes for miftruilfullneire, guiftes of vnceafinge o-riefe, which in the ende woorke vttcr deftrudion. The caufe nourilhed in men maketh the elTecV poflible and the praftife intoller- able. I'here is no fweete fo ftronge, but the delighte thereof may bee [a]spice, vt „ , , • 11 [imme]riuis croifed by the contraryej nor anye hart to nrme, but contmuall mlsLerjandae • 1 Lsort']^ asel- vnkindnes maye remooue it. The tall oake, that waueth not with lus [a]ssiduo [djomitus euerye putfe of the winde, is eafelye throwne to the ground by an ver[b]ere -' ^ tardus [e]rit. extraordinary tempett. The hardeft flint is pierft with often droppes ; and it is not impoflible, thoughe vnlikelye, that the fkie Ihould fall. Are they not woorthy to be nipte with the piercing flormes of a biting winter, that, hauing a ihelter to defend themfelues from fuch outragious wether, and knowing a tempeft will come which may ouerthrow it, neglefteth neuerthelelfe to preuent that daunger by vnderpropping the fame ? or delerue they to haue their ettate pittied that wilfully feeke their owne vndooing? As it is a part of wife- dom to forefee a daunger, lb, not to withlland and to endeuour to fruftrate the fame with realbn and forecall, is a badge of extremelt folly. And Peccaui deferuedlye flilles on their backes, that wittinglye Principiis „ , , . ^ , , , obsta . sero and willinglye incurre the haliard thereot. It men had no vnder- medicina paiatur, Itandino- of the plagues of hell they would be too too villous, and their Cum mala pleafure could not but bee their deltru6tion, vnlclfe euery one comiaiauere 1 _ _ moras. iiad a hale-backe for his companion. If lelofy be a torment more 2 8 Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. [» leaf D 4] mercilefle then diuelifli Pluto, and his common 'wealth more greeuous then the forrowes of hell, I forrow to thincke that men lliould be lb witlefle as to honour the Diuell, and fo careleffe as to delight in fuch a weale-publike. But be it as it is, or let it be woorfe, as it is vn- poflible it Ihoulde, their conceites are grown to be fo bale, and their enterprifes fo beaft-Hke, as for the moft part they follow lelofy fo eagerly, as they conftraine their deerell: freendes to cut their throates with the knife they moft feare, when both the euell it felfe and the caufe therof might be remooued, fo euery one would ground their loue vpon difcretion. Arte citsE ve- If the praftifes and proceedings of loue be fo forcible as they loque rate[.s] renioque bring death wilh them to the hopelelfe harte, hee is vnwife that will r[e]guntur : _ ar[ie] leves ftriuc to cucreale thole atl^ettions which are ailready more then extra- curiu[s] arte regend[iisj Ordinary. Waxe, by a temperate heat is mollified and formed, being fofte to any fliape, but through a furious flame it either wafteth and confumeth, or els will not be touched without defiling of our fingers. The hartes of women are like vnto waxe, that, tempered by the paffions of loue, are ready to take the impreflion thereof j but if it coole againe before the printe of kindneife be furely fet on, or if the flame of fury breake foorth about it, being fett on fire by the coales of mifgouernemente, to what bad ende will the good beginning be turned ? and how many hartbreakinges by quarrels and difagree- mentes will arife in the fmoother of fuch fmoaky mifrule ! Doubt- lefle the experience thereof hath taughte too too many to their griefe, and will teach more to their vndooing, vnlefle the fwelling of that fore be affwaged with fom wholfome medicin. But they that only haue entertained the fuperficies of loue, neuer harboring him in their hartes, aflirme that he and lelofy are brothers, and that the one can- not bee without the other. If they that holde the fame for a maxime, meane in the defence of their freendes honours, and to be lelious of their wiues good name and reputation, I graunt that that is moft kinde aff'edtion. But wlien leloly arileth of a foolilli fondnes, grounded with out reafon, to bee remooued with euerye lighte occafion ; or of miftruft- [=leafD4, fuUncfle of the partye loued, without triall of anye vnVonftancy 5 or, back] laftly, of childifli afti^ftion, lead away with an vnruely appetite, and nouriflu'd with dilpayringe conceites, conceiuing what is noi , and Tell-Trotlies New-yeares Gift. 29 iudginge onely by Ihndovves which remoue all hope, caufing con- tinuall dilcontentment, — that maketh the ielious mans cafe del- perate, and the thinge fooHfli. There is no Concorde betweene water and fire, nor any medium betweene loue and hatred ; for either the hart fighes vnder the burthen of entiere affedlion, or groanes throughe the waight of greeuous dilhmulation. Loue couereth a mukitude of finneful offences, and loyalty recouereth a world of ouerllipt infirmities ; but diilike findeth rottenneffe in found timber, fpots in the pure white, and vukindneife in the conftant harte ; it engendereth lelofy, and procureth enmities; it hatcheth breakepeace, and glories in quarrels; all it delighte is in findinge of faultes, and all it ioy to encreafe millike. If it hath it beginning of loues contrary, yea, in nature, how can there bee anye brotherly equality betweene them ? vnlefle, vnhappilye, wee will make the eye father to both, that feeinge al'well good as euell, entifeth the hart, through corrupt atfe6lions, to be milled by wicked elufions, bringing foorth baftardes in fteede of true begotten children : For if lelofy be loues brother, it is by corruption of nature brought foorth vnlawfuUy, which may thus be manifefted. After the eye hath chofen an obie6t which brings fo fweet content- ment to the hart, as it highly delighteth in the fame, that prouing fo kiiide loue and fuch feruent affe6tion in both, as lawfuU requitall makes a pleafing fatisfa6tion, the eye receiuinge kinde glaunces for amorous glotinges, and louinge harte-breakinges for affeftionate hart fighings. The eie beeing pleafed with an eye, and the hart contented with a hart, they frolique both in glory as long as they reft in con- ftancie; but wandring from forth that fanftuary, the eie either fpies another eie that better pleafeth it, and the barte likes of another harte that better contentes it, or elfe the eie lookes curiilily into his ovvne hart, and Ipies fome fault in himfelfe, which, difplealing, beget- teth lelofy : whereby the eie may be faid to be originall and father of both. ^ How is it poflible that faliliood fliould be in frendlhip ? or can t'sig. E] the hand beguile the hart that ruleth it ? no more will a louing wife playe falfe with him to whome lliee is ioyned both by the lawe of god and man, or a frend crolfe her louing exceedinges, in whome his hart delighteth. That which is bred in the bone will neuer out of 30 Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. the flefhej and what Nature hath made, Arte cannot marre. If Enuie hath a tricke with her heele, all the diuells in hell cannot alter Qu[o tibi] it. And I maruell menne are fo foolilhe as to matche themfelucs formosa[m] .,,, , ,, ^ r r r^ t^ \ -i -r fsijnonnisi With luciie women whome they haue cauie to luipect. Doubtlelle, place[bat]. either their own life hath becne lafciuious, by which they iudge others, No« pos- s[unt] vUis or their meaning bad in chufing luch companions ; when nowe, ouer- i',ta [coijre modis. late repentinge of their bargaine, they light on a worfer mifchiefe. AUthough the fox be fo crafty as he deceiues many, yet fometimes he meeteth with a champion more fubtill then himfelfe. The pitcher goeth long to the water, but at lafte getteth a knocke through the tndig- bearers fault, and is brought home broken. The lelious man feareth n^ere] licet, /i, 1111 1 • /i-ii\in iuua[t] his owne fliadow, and looketh narrowly vnto it, yet (likely; at lalt iiicoiicess[a] ii'tiii -x voiuptas. commeth a fubftaunce, who (when he thmketh lealt on it) entereth, piac[et]. doinge him iuftice, though hee neuer the wiler. It is ftraunge that timeo, di[ce]re si menue are fo foolilh as to feeke their owne vndoing, for alfuredly qua p[o]test looke, by what meafure they fell by, the fame Ihall they receiue their owne, without aduauntage. The quarreling mate fhall not complaine for want of knockes, or the ielious man longe defire hell, when the one Ihall linde like fwalhbucklers vnto himfelfe, and the others wife will not llicke to cut his throat with the knife hee hath fo long feared. If mens loue be fimplie good, women cannot but affeftionate them with like fimplicityj but if they playe falfe (lelolye beeing their cloake), they will be fure to keepe knaues to crolfe their cardes with. In thefe dayes euery cobler doth feare the carter, and fetes vppe his whippe at his dore to keepe lohn Cobbilero from his lattice. And I pray you vppon what reafons fliall thefe ielious trickes be dilcarded ? Somme haue it by nature, and fiy, ' kit mufl: after kind, bee it but in ['si,r. E, fcraping of a ^frying panne.' Beware of naturall foolles as long as you liuej for a bad tricke ingrafted in them, neuer leauelh them vntill he hath brought feauent)^ worfe into his roome. And, as tor the inuention of their prediceffors, they mutt needes goe to the diuell with them for companie. Others buikle their knauery on other mens milfortune, that are matched with loone, cDniinnnis omnibus, that could play at bucklers fo foone as flie was pall her cradell. Oh, fliee is a tall peece of flelh, and will Hand to her tackling fo ftoutly, as the diuell himfelfe fliall not get the waillers from her. 1 counfeU Tell-Trothcs New-yeares Gift. 31 him (hat tliiiiketh hee hath met with her companion, to ceafe to greeiie at it, and ftriue not to renioue that he cannot ftirre, leall happily Ihee falls quit from him, & neuer ferueth him after, Manye honour him of cullome, becaufe they hold their landes of him by homage, their predicelfors alKvayes hauing beene his fworne fubieftes. A piltifidl cuftome, tliat tendeth to the lenauntes vndoing, and a tiilc tliat might very well bee religned oner and denied; feeing it only toucheth free taile, or feruices vnreafonable to be perfourmed. And a great part obtaine his entt'rtainment by vfe and pra6tife: thofe are greene headed that long for relbrmations, & would haue new lawes inftituted enery quarter, defiring to try new conclnfions, wlu'ihcr it were pollible for a man to line vnto himfelfe. Which are fo delighted wiih common cafes, as they make honefty a neceifity, thrulling him out of the dores at their pleai"ure, by vling them moft Ihamefully whome they ought to lone entirly. But moll: playe ielious parts of knauery and bad entention, meaning to make a pra£tife of paltry peuillinelfe and knauilh conceiptes. They will be ielious to try their wiues or frendes conftancy, being neuer alliamed of their owne villany. What fliall I faye ? I greeue to thinke on mens hard happe, and Quidquid I'j/v 1 • /I ■ --I-/- 11 [se]ruatur, womens vnkmdnelie ; the one nourilhuig miichiefe, and the other cu[pi]mus . , , , . mnfgijs : perlewmg, with deadly execution, the tormentes they fufpe6te and ipsaque , . [fii]rem cura greeue at. I haue hard (euen ot kuide gentlewomen reported, whoe Mooat : pauci [q]uod haue beene ouer vexed with the fufpitious conceiptes of ielious ^inrit] al[t]er, hulbandes) that their llaunderous thoughtes ^concerning the fufpefted amant. !• 1 - 1 1 • [' ^'S- E 2] crmies, did not lo much aggrauate their owne griete (though it were intollerable), as the fight therof did encreafe their wiues ioy and delight, onely pleafed with this fweet melody : Tliat they knewe themfelues to bee moft conftant and taithfull, though fufpefted of the conlrarye, and their hulbandes, defuiug no more then conllancy, cannot content themfelues with their defired felicity, but greeue their own foules with triphells, and eate vppe their owne harts throu'^h fulpition of difloyally. I would but demaund- what recompence a ielious man receiueth by all his trauell, or what litlle ioy he reapes by his miftruftfuUnefle and continuall penliueneire ? The loweft ebbe is counteruailed with as high a floode, and boyllrous ftormes with ralme wether; the glomell: daye maye darken the funne, but not 32 Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. abate his pride ; and as there are extreame droughtes, fo fometimes falls the contrary by extraordinary tempcfts. There is no fowre but may bee qualitied with fvveet potions, nor any doubtful! malady that u ortg. may not be allied with delightfuU muficke^; onely ielious thoughts with loue are vncurable, and that a coraliue moil dangerous to mens hartes. It is vaine to ftriue againft the ftreame,.and as foolilli to build cartels in the aire. He that thinketh to catch the aire in a bottle, deferueth to be laft at; 8: he that would ty vp his wiues or trends honefty in a firing, to bee pitied : both follies tit for inno[c]ents & pradlizes without end. I thinke Vulcans lelofy preuailed him nothing, & his catching of Marce & Venus in a purcenet as little, except a confirmation of his great grief, & an alfured knowledg of his horned head, prouing a continual! badge of his infamy. The like followed many others fufpition, and the like will enfewe of fuch folly. Vidcan knewe that Mars was a copartner with him in Fenus bofome. And he himfelfe could not but bluth when hee had wooed his owne fpoufe (the goddelfe of loue), in fteede of Briceris, his beloued paramore. I knowe that euery one halh his faulte, and all deferue equall punifiimente ; onely Robin good fellow withes, that mens & womens prefumtions maybe certaine, and that their fufpefte may bee built on a fure ground. [2sig. E2, 2 If men would imitate the fame rule, to auoide lelofy, which backj ^ •' Cicero hath fet downe in his Offices, as moft requifite to maintaine a happy weale publike (alleaginge, it tvas the parte of mad men, to wijhe for a gloomy day when the fonne ^/Jiined moji glorioujly ; or to dejire warre and turmoyling troubles, when the common-wealth flourijlieth jnnfi happily through peace and tranquillity ; But, to alai/ hurly bur lies -with councel, and to make ivarres ceafe by aduice, was greate wij'edome,) — They would not encreafe their owne greefe and forrow : liorig. or rather, beeing at quiet, and obtaining the height^ of pleafure by reus est, mutuull loue and afte£lion, they woulde not (I lay) h:)ng after vnreft, fau'Jt'n'ie or puri'ue troubles, and continual! difquietnes, with might and maine, itiirvicta witliout mcafurc ; feeing the obtaining of their owne defire is a a, rea. proofe of tlicir misfortune, and the iudgemente after the verdi6t of fuch a lit!e, continual (hame and infamy. The man is happy that is accounted happy, and none are richer then thole that be fo Tell-Trotlies Nevv-yeares Gift. ;^^ adiiidged of. If, then, fame be fo fauourable as to reckon a beggar eqiiall with a kiiige, is not hee a foole which will himfelfe reprooue her of an vntrueth ? The prouerbe adiudges that * an il bird which will defile his owne neft ; ' and is not he a bad cuckold, that will regiller himfelf one when the clarke hath left him out of fauour ? By how much it is better to be one, beeing accounted none, then to be none, and reputed one, — by fo much the more are they behold- inge to themfflues for the home that blowes their lelofy vntill it flames. An extraordinary fmoake breedes fufpeft of a hurtefull fire, and many fparkes make men to wonder ; yel the harme of both of them is preuented by care and diligence. I would but know the manne {feniper excipio, the wittall) that would not be loath to be pointed at with a paire of homes, & yet T know very many, and haue hard of an innumerable company, that haue made the whole parriihe, yea, the country, priuy to their mif- fortune by defarte of them. "Well, then, hereafter if there be any that hath a tooting head, and would not haue it fene, let him keepe it fecretely to himfelfe, and make the belt of it. He goes farre that neuer turnes, and Ihee is a diuell that will neuer ^ mende ; and fince the [' leaf E 3] diuell is good to fome body, let the ielious man make much of her, that the fhee diuell may bee good to him. Sorrow craues piity, and fubmilFion deferues pardon. Hee is ouer Flectitur tus vuce r hard harted that will not be entreated, and diuelifli that cannot game de forgiue. If, then, vpon penitent fubmiflion, a man flialbe forced to receiue her into fauour that hath otfended, will it not be fo much to his better contentmente, by how much a few are acquainted with the mifchiefe? That grief is bell dilgefted that bringes not open fliame, but a fpightefuU blow prooues a noted fcarre. But fuppofe the word that can happe, imagine fliee will neuer be good, building vpon the old fayinge : Shee that knoives where Chriftes crqffejiandes, will neuer Quo sen)[el] est forget where great A dwels, — yet a man were better to bee troubled imbuta recens w ith a ciueane alone, then to bee forced to keepe both a queane and semabit odo[rem] a knaue : for as the law grantes a deuorcement, fo is it requifite itTesiadiu. flioulde allow the woman mainetenancej and what lliall her knaue lacke that llie hath ? Whofoeuer, therefore, that is bound to a bad bargaine, whereof comes two mil'chiefes, either to keepe a queane or SHAKSPERE'S EKGLAND : TELL-TKOTH. 3 34 Tell-Tiothes New-yeares Gift. Eduob[us] to parte with money, if he will follow Robin good fellowes councel, "nmumest let him rather choofe to diet her in his owne houfe, then to pay for eLi gen uin. ^^^ boord of her and her louer in a ftrange place. But becaufe it is the beft labour to woorke the confufion of fuch an ennimy as lelofy is, whofe company encreafeth multitudes of in- couueniences. My meaninge is to fet downe fome neceffary helpes how fuch a mifchiefe may bee beft preuented. And firft, I councel euery one that is eufedted with fuch a plage to feeke to foreftall the Obsequium dauiiger thereof, by kinde and gentle plaifters. I meane, that fliee domat,'' who hath a ielious hutband, fubieft to the like intirmities before leones. " mcncioued, flioulde reclaime him by gentle vfage, and ouercome his vaine fufpition with modeft behauiour, not vfinge any vnciuill tricke in difdainefull manner before his face, he hating the famej or vfing other fufpitious pra6tifes, onely to croffe him with them j and lb to carry thenifelues in all places, and at all times, as they may neither giue caufe of offence vnto them or of miftruft vnto others. The like meane ought to be executed by men, that they ouerlay not their [I leaf E 3, [feare]'full wiues, brauing them with difdainefull likelyhoodes of dif- Catchword lioueft behauiour, but that they diffuade them from fufpition by the fearefuU] [Fie]ctitur Contraries, remoouing their ielious conceites by kindnefle and lonely ciir[iia]tus dalliance. It is eafy to cure a greene wound, but the daunger of a ab ar[bo]re ramus : feftred fore is mortall. The young tree will ftoup, when the old [fra]nges, si [vir]es llirewd cannot bend j and new conceites are eally remoued, but expen[ar]e tuas. engrauen thoughtes will not be rubbed forth j and lone is of fo great force, as he fooner ouercomes with a faire word, then his enimye ihall conquere by all his forces. Howe happie is that common wealth where peace raigneth, and that family which concord gouerneth, the one nourilhing true amity amongft her fubie6les, the other eftabliih- ing vanity betweene man and wife. What greater griefe then life with difcontent, When difcontent of want of lone arifeth ? Loue hath no lache, hut allwayes Hues content, And any thing to pleafe his mindfiifficeth; Rich is true loue, abounding Jiill withflore, The lacke whereof makes want a grieuous fore. lell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. ^':) Thefweete of lone dnlh yceldfofweete a lajl, As mixt with gall, he turtles the fower tnfweete: Bi/ him isfrength and blej/ed icenle imlrajl ; Bji him is harls-eafe gaind, and ioi/ vinjl greet. Strong is true loue, ndinfe firength is kindly fet : To heape with Jiveete, that fower his ioy ne let. Thefport of loue is full nf inyful If miles, He cures all fores with one moft kindej} fahie ; A pleafing kifje his frowning rage beguiles. And one f aire word his anger doth difjolue ; Pleafant is loue, he ioyes in weale and ivoe ; His rage with f miles, his wroth with ki^ffes goe. • Thus liueth loue, and no otherwile fare they that be his followers ; [« leaf E 4] they are neuer hart ficke, becaufe they neuer fufpefte ; nor euer dif- pleafed, becaufe for that by themfelues they are not grieued. Who is more tormented then he that teares his owne flelh ? or who deferues more griefe, then they that will not vfe the remedy? To lock vp ones wife, for fear of fparrow-blafling, dub himfelf a cuckould within an iron cage, and to feeke to^ rule her by corredion, when Z'ori^r. seeke is to he cannot gouerne himfelf with difcretion, is to gather a rod to beate to] , ., ^.11 • 1 n I- 1 • 1 Non men- his owne breeche. For whiles ilie is lockte in her Itudie, her mind [tem] . ^ , . seruare po hath the more liberty to uiuent a ht reuenge againlt her going tes, licet ^ o[m]nia abroad. What is it they cannot efte£le, if they haue a will therevnto r daudas omnibus And what woman is there that Hues without a meanes to repaye a e[x]ciiisis, '■ _ ^ int[u^] sfood turne, or to reiiuite a bad ? Vfe them, therefore, well, is the l<^"^f^r .«" o ' ' bi sapis in- wifeft way to Hue quietlv ; to loue them entirelv, the onelv meanes to '^"^sf bee long happy. '^^^'^ If Ihe meanes to deceiue thee, her inuention is hard to be pre- ^''"^• Centu;« uented, for, watch her neuer fo narrowly, ihe will finde a time to fron[-]te ' ' ■' occulos, performe her knauery. The filieft creatures are fildome catcht in ""^"'^".'^■^ ordinary trappes : and can women want wit to frurtrate a common ^''[^;^''^JJ^^;.^ ftale? If it wer polhble to know their thoughts, it were likely their f^-Pf,;ft praftifes might be hindered ; but as long as fecreta mihi raignes, the '"""''• rains of their liberty are at their own pleafures. And I thinke men are bell at eafe when they are fo pleafed, — at leaft, wife men are, or 36 Tell-l^rothes New-yeares Gift. fliould be, feeing their contentment hanges in their wills. For what houfe is in quiet where the goodwife is out of patience ? If the maifter bee angry, the fault onely lies on the millrifle her neckej but be Ihe moued, about goes the maides, away runne the menne, and I make a doubt whether her hutband dares to out fland her. I am aflured fhee will out chide him. Flatery is a fweet baite, and kindnelfe a Quod licet wliolefome potion ; &: nothing more then vnlawfuUnes, enticeth vs est : quod vuto lewdiielfe. The delighte ot fweete is taken away by furfi ling non licet acriusvrit. of fuggar ; but who by nature is not defirous of nouelties ? There would not fo many purcafe Tiborne, vnlelfe there were a Bull to [I leaf E 4, haugc them ; nor lb many yeeld vppe ' the poffeffion of their garmentes backj [Fiecitimur to the hangmen, were ther not a lawe to condemne them. And I seni[per]' Warrant you, there would be fewer horned heads, if ielious hartes [qiije negata were fcaiiter, wherby the pra6til"e of watching might decay. Who fcUjl pCC" care [iic]et, kuowes liberty better thcu lliey that haue beene in bondage? And peccat [mi]au5[.] whoe, for the moft parte, vfeih it worfe then they that knowe it ipsa [po]testas beft ? A mind ouerladed with ioy, committeth manye errours in his se[m]iiia nequi[ti]ae iolitv : & a harte prelfed downe with forrowe, thinkes of manye mif- langui[diJora .71 facit. chiefes. Extreames are neuer good : and howe can one fooner fall into them, then being made acquainted with one of them ? Hauing beene in the dungion of difcontent, and being fet free to range at our pleafure, we thinke we are neuer at the territ of delight, before, with Ouids builders, wee touch the heauens, fo imperfed is our nature. o -vtinam Perfwafions are of great force to moue women, whofe harts, [a]rguerem [si]c, vt non thou2[h iTioft tender, withftand nothing more then crabbed vfage. [v]incere =" _ ° • ° pos[sjem: Vowe loue vuto them, and they will fweare conftancy vnto you; and Me mi[s]e- ■' J J J nimqiiare |f perchance they make fome ouerllip by their deferuing lelofy, yet causa mea g,-o\y j^ot ftraiglit collcricke, but fay your paternofter before you est? reprehend them for it; in which time which is as fmall as may be, Pervene- you fliall, by tempering your wit with wifdome, tinde fo tradable a puenq[ue] mcdiciue to drawe her from a fecond fault, as her penitencie will take volatilis ar- ,,,-.. r 1 • ■ • n 1 - - ii cus: nienon away all lulpiliou oi hipocricic. Say but you are lorrowtuU to heare admissi cri- minisessc it, Or ailuuncd to fee it, and, of my word, her next Ihall be an oth reum. neuer to commit the like folly. What a cheape ful-pena is this to drawe an anfwere from the confcience ! When, paraduenture, to deale otherwife, would come to neede a writ of rebellion. There is Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. 37 no affurance better then that which is made with a fafe confcience ; and no man ftands on a hotter ground, then he that buildes on his wiues word. If the r[)oaks it, why Ihould we not rather beheue her, then an other that Ihould report no more vnto vs ? Oh, I knowe what you will fay, becaufe Ihe fpeakes in her owne defence; and maye not the other llaunder vppon a malicious will ? What will not the diuell doe for aduauntage, and what can hee doe without his inftru- mentes ? To bee too too cruell ' breedes repentaunce, as well as care- C' sig. F] lellenes forerunnes forrow. When tender droppes will pearce the flint, the hard ftele is vnneceirarye 3 and where good counfell will cor- rette, a rod were better awaye then prefent. They fay that ouer- awing makes fooles, and what will they let to doe ? ^t is as hard to get any good out of them that are willelTe, as to force water out of a flint ; and yet I lay not but that good may be gotten of them ; but with it, I affirme it muft be by kind meanes. Fi/,fy,fiveete hart, Hxc tib[i] sunt u'hat lofe trickes are thefe ! or what immod'ifty will this be accounted ! mecit[m], mihi sunt Will fl:rike {o deepelv into a reformatiue confcience, as there fliall communia '■ ■' tecum : in not neede out vpon thee, with fome beaftly tearme of a brut ifh bona cur ' ■' quisquam toung for a whit of correftion. And they will driue an obe- '<^''","^ '^'^ o ■' Venit r dient wife to fuch contrition, as there fhall be no thought of an vnkind extrution, either of her out of dores, or of her good name and fame from it wonted reputaation. Why is the hulband called his wiues good-manne, but becaufe hee ought to be a mcane to with- draw her from fuch imperfeftions as nature hath left in her ? He, in my iudgement, can be but a bad common wealthes man which is an ill hutband, for, looke what ill falliions raigne vncorrefted at home, the like inormities fhould refl: in his forrain charge. For who knowes not that we haue the greatefl: care (if we haue any at al) ot thole things which are neareft vnto our felues? and why may not I atiirme that fuch a one will refpefte little a common profitte, when hee regards fo lightly his owne priuate wellfare ? Oh, I woulde Robin might be tedious, not troublefome, hee would then cndeauor a further probability of the ielious mans folly, but fearing he hath oflended too too much already, hee will euen but fluit vppe his remnant breefely. The fweetejl flower whofe flaulkfliarpe prickles gard, Yeeldes pleafaJit fent, through care, inthoul annnij : 38 Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. The Goosl-ery, with hnrtfull buflies ward. Surrenders rp it felfe, through care to ioy. [' ^^• f- ' The rammiOi hauke is taind lii carcfiill heed, back] -^ J J ' And u'i/l be brought tojloope vnto tlie lewre ; The fercejl Lyon will requite a deed Of curtejie, tvith hindne(Je to endure. WhatJiJJifo proud as doth, dijdaine a buite ? Norjijh, beqfi, Joule, nor fruit, but takes the mate. Thenfince that care fpeedes befl with curtefie, Ife care and kindne{)'e to mate lelofy. Necblan- This is Robitis counfell, a foueraigne oyle of experience to drawe [erift tibi a\^'ay the droppinges of lelofyes nofe, that fo much anoyes the arnica^ patieiits hartc. Which mufl; be wrought moft gently, laboured with &oi)[du]ra: the perfwafioiis of reafon, the etFefte wherof, I warrant you, wil proue pn>t[m]odo mitis [eri]t. fo proritablc, as either he will be freed from noyfomiies,^ or haue his noysommes] "oi'^ put out of ioyut. Couetuoulhes is a peftelent help to leloly j for how can he that hath fet al his loue on his money, be drawn to beftow part thereof on his wife ? No, of my credit, he that hath crept info that vaine, hath fo far crawled from honelty, as hee cares not what iniury hee doth. He knowes that loue will ail^e cort ; and why doth he loue the diuell, but to faue charges ? For could he be contented to doe good, as he is forward to worke mifchiefe, he would deale with loue better then to locke him vp in his coffers. Oh, it is a fweete thing to him to diue vppe to the elbowe in a bagge, while the kind man beftowes his time in kiffes. But let the other be alfured, that whileft this inioyes paradice, he ihall be ftriuing to palfe through the eie of an nedle, which Ihall proue vnpoihble. It is a gay thing to come to dignity, but it is a more beniiiciall thinge to vfe honefty 3 but whye doe I talke of honefty to them that neuer meant to enter eternity ? Surely for no other caufe, but for that Robin, knowinge the ilauerye that is prepared for you, is moued to pitty.and could wifli you had care to preuente the punillmient of the cormor- antes dungion. Rut I care not howe little honefty you haue, io you fliunne leloly, for I onely harpe on that ftring at this prefent, which Tell-Trothes Ncw-yeares Gift. 39 I fay cannot bee a^voided without the entertainment of loue, who will [• sig. F ^] foone thruft him headlong beiides his polfellion. Omnia vincit Amor, ct nos cedamus amori. The paffions of loue Desine (c[rc]de are i'o pallinq; kinde, as they lubdewe wherefoeuer they become, yea, mihii [vi]tia , . irritar[e] alluredlv they will either conquere or kill : and becaufe life is mofl vctando : ■' •' ' [objsequio fweete, we will rather yeeld to affeftion then die for lelofy. Loue is v[in]ces ' ■' aptius a pleafing gout, which will i'liller vs no mure to he milled by vnreft, '^1^'''= ',^°- then the tormenting gout wil giue his patientes leaue to reft while j[j^"-'^^^^°"' the paine is vnceafing. And fuch a hartie dropfie is he, as he fwels "?["yd„'^^' his criples arteftions with lb great kindnefle, as theyfing no fong, but ^"^"f;,^^'"^ Ah, I loue. He is a nettle that flinges the hart with continuall plea- 'i,"n|,s'.""'''' lure J and that babie which lodges m womens and mens eies, on somites t[ibi] whome none lliall fix the fancy kindly, that lliall not be ftroken with tar'[i]que a darte of conftauncy ; hee is the greening woe that breedes continuall as,sidu*'e'' ioy, the fond conceipt that fallens faithful thoughts in his place, and tiuba , , ,. . [sejcuta that euill that reanes eternall good. To rehearle her qualities, were mas. ^ . His tu mi- a new worke for Robin-good-fellow, and to followe his properties, LUltibus .... superas not a labour without profit. But his chiefeft qualitie ^ is to be kind homin[es] •^ que and his ne.x.t to be conllant j he euer forgiues, and ftill forgetes faultes. ^'^"'^f^"^^^ He delightes not in breed-bates, nor doth he glory in the quarrells ot" e[silbeUo : deereft frendes, but all his actions are faithfuU, and all his thoughtes p;*^,""^[,i"^^ frutfuU. Dandill him, and he will fporte thee; fet him in thy lappe, i^orig. qua litlej and hee w^ill comfort thy hart ; Speake him faire, and hee will kilfe thee kindly J like him onely, & he will loue thee euer. He neuer is hafl:y, but hee repentes thereof prefently, paying for euery vnkinde ■worde a forrowfuU hei ho. As he will be foone angry, fo is hee ftraight pleated, & therfore was he fained to be little in being neuer long troubled with extreames. But there is a certaine madnelTe which men call loue, the fame prouing fo great fondneffe, as euery frowne of a miftriffe makes fome melancholy a quarter after, and to match that, is foolilh dotage fet, both fo hot paflions for a while, as they proue in the end to be loues greateft enimy, euen peftelent lelofy. The one will die if hee hath not his longing; as for the other (for that hee is more craftie), hee hath ^ many fubtill meanes to [3 s!g. F 2, ^ back. obtaine his defire : yet both of them are fo far from reafouj as they Cauh -word ' ' ' manj hurt themfelues willingly. Nowe, to iudge howe kind they will be 40 Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. to others, that be fo crabbed to themfekies, Robin leaues that to com- mon reaibn. Yet becaule thefe two extreames, namely, mad fondnelle and dottage, are the onely meanes to helpe lelofy, I will bee bould a little to touch them. The extraordinary conceipt of obtained curtify, moues fuch a liking in the ouer paflionate louer, as all his fences are onely tied to one obieft, & his whol hart dedicated to that faint, the fole niiftrifle of his hart. As the extremity which tormentes him, is eafed with nought except what comes from her kindnelle, fo his mad littes, once crolfed with difcourtefie, breed that vncurable melancholy, which [l]meane deadly grife and vntimely death do followe. But both of them being of hyr[spir]it perchance ftrcken with the felfe fame arrowe, fliot from the vm- or of liir [lojue. pertiall blind boy his bowe, are rauilhed with the delighte -they conceiue the one from the other, their thoughtes beeing heauenly, becaufe true to each other, and their true loue vowed to eternity, manifefted by no fmall fauours. Which happily euery day more and more encreafing frendiliip, remaines to both with wilhed content- ment, vntill vnhappily, lelofy (the profefled enimye to loners prof- perity) picketh a quarrel! with one or both, by falfe vnconftancy. Then beginnes our hot loue to turne to burning coles, prouing fuch [P]inguis fondnelTe, as wee fufpedle our owne Ihadowes. Wee gorge our felues a[m]ur , - . niiniuw[q]ue fo vureafouably with the delight of our faintes beautie, as wee call patens, [m] ta^dia vppe the hope of their faithfulhielfe. We wil make them faintes, no[b]is ^^ ^ veititur, [et] and thiuke them diuells, louing them fo entirely, as our ouer much stomacho [d]uicis vt makes them vnhappy. Wee doe fet them vp in vndecent brauery, nocet. gf^(j £^,(. tiien;, out with fooHih praifes ; yet, ihould any ftrangers (though of the familiars forte) feeme to fue to them, — nay, I may truely fay, fpeake to tliem, it may bee the better for the men, but bee alfured it fliall bee the worfe for the women. And now comes in diflimulation, by which we moft praftife to vie them kindly, whome wee hate deadly J to fpeake them faire to their faces, whome wee curfe behind [1 sig. F 3] their backs, ' and to feede them with dainties, whom wee could wifli poifoned. After the felfe fame manner fare our wiues : they haue a kinde dinner and a crabbed fupper, fweete meate with fower fawce, and a pleafaunt drinke with a poifoned potion ; fo fonde extreames falling one on the others backe, as in a moment wee will vfe them like Goddilles (if we doe not cont'elle vnto them, they are no lelfe Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. 41 vnto vs), and no othervvile then diucls, fwering now we hate them Ofacies& oculos na[ta] moll deadly, whome euen now wee protefted to loue moft (huinely; tenere « .... me[o.sJ fuche monllrous vnconftancy dooth this fcmdnelle nourilh. Neither Ihall thele trickes be extraordinary once in feauen yeare.s, but I would Robin could not avow that he hath feene them perfourmed on[c]e euery day in niany i)laces. Well, I will leaue them to their amendes, and touche as briefly the dot or. Who, after a little pampering (hauing perchance had his liberty in good palture for halfe a yeare, without exercife), doth gn^w fo frollicke, as he thinkes himfelf as youthfull as the yongell nagge, though he hath as many difeafes as a iade can haue. In this brauery hee mull: bee furnilhed with a gay faddell, and none vnder a ladye maye lerue his tourne ; I meane, while his prouender prickes, he wilbe fo hilly, as hee thinkes no woman too yong for him. In which vaine, beeing thus couragious, hee fpendes franckly, and fettes him- k'lfe foorth in the brauell manner, fo that by his hope, quid non aiirum P he will hap vppon fo vnequall a match (by praftife prooued), as after one nights iourney, he begins to be iadilhly tired, euery day after growing millruftfull. So that as his monilrous delire hath bene the n)eane to ioyiie himfelfe with fuche inequallity, fo ihall his knowne cold courage and her youthfull yeares be a line to leade him to lelofy, Whofe perfuaiions as yet haue taken fuch defired etf"e6t, as at this time, where loue feekes to builde his kingdome, this his ennimy (I meane lelofy) neuer furceafeth from armes vn till he hath loue out by the eares, being ftill accompanied with like bats, & alwaies followed by vnhappy difcontentment. His profperity, gener- ally allowed oti' in mens conceits, is greedely followed by their vncon- Itant hartes, which loue nothinge that 'is eternall, nor like of any [■ si^. F j, b.ick] loue l)ut what wil alter dayly. And becaule I haue entn-d i"o larre into the gouernement of lelofy, I will prefume to wade a little further into his kingdome. In the countrey of Euery-place he raigneth, a ruler as pernitious as mightye, and more mightye then either vertuou-. or peaceable. As his kingdome is large, l"o his fubieites are many, his land beeing inhabited by people no lelfe vm-uely then himfelfe, and his right mainetained by make-bates that neuer are fatiffied, vntill their owne bloud hath raunfomed the delight of tlieir defired death. Manye are 42 Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. his aduerfaries, and more his freendes, euery difpofition drawne to follow his humours, and defirous of his entertainementj by reafon his adtions leeme pleahng, and his caufe righte and profitable. His regimente is well Itrengthned by force of men, hauing ftronge holdes, feeming no lelVe delightfuU in fliow, though by experience it prooues moft fruitlelTe and barren. His chiefell: citty and feat of pleafure (accorapted of his fubieftes the feconde Parradife) ftandes on the top of a high hill, called Miftruftfullneffe, at foote whereof run- neth the Iwift riuer Vnconftancy, hauinge this etFe6te in operation, that whofoeuer inbathe themfelues therein, tinde continuall altera- tions in their harts before I'etled, and now tormented with variable thoughtes. In this ftreame are manye fandy fliallowes, and as many daungerous holes, both continually vfed and frequented vnto, as well by the inhabitantes of that citie, as alio by all fuch who chaunce to trauell that way. This citty hath his name ' Light of loue ' maine- teined by elders, whoe are elefted, not for their wealth and wit, as in other countries, but for their envy and fooliihnefle. Their common trafficke is Exchaunge of Lone ; and their profites, DifquietnelTe and Hate. The fruite that delighte[t]h their appetites, is Faith-leiTe Fancies; and the meates they feede on. Care & Vnreft. The fportes they ioy in, are continuall brawles, and the walkes they take pleafure in watching, and hope of finding. All their triumphes are Con- trouerfies in law, and all their turnies, for broken pates, with faggot ftickes ; their feall day is repentaunce, and Death their Saboath. [' leaf F 4] ^ This citie bearing the chiefe fwaie for viirulineife, hath fo difperfed her inhabitaunce into the other partes of the cuntrey, as, for the moft part, there is neuer a cottage in lelofyes common wealth, but harbours iourney men as bad as their maifters in condition. His houldes and caftels are both ftronge and many, being fortified with deepe caft- rauelinges, and furnilhed with all kindes of ingions fit for warre. Theire artillery for defence, i'o wel placed on the battlements of their towers, as they wonderfully and daungerouftye annoye their enneniy. Curfes and Banninges are the leaft ihot they carry, and a thoul'ande bitter wordes will do no more then charge one of them. The natures of thele people are variable, and they, beinge for the moft parte falle harted, are likevvile defirous ftill of new freends. The enterteine- ment tlicy will giue ftrangcrs is verye good, but the vfage of their Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. 43 frencles and familiars, efpecially of their wiues (as you haue hard already), is generally too too bad. They, alltogether reiefting reafon, performe ralhly what lb euer they thinke, and etiede diueliflily what lb euer they pradife. Tlieir wills are their lawe, and fulpeCte their iudge, their iudgments being as lawlefle as their lawe is wanting realbn and dilcretion. They bandy honefty as a tennis-ball, and play with good report, as a childe doth with an apple, — the one not being in quiet vntill it bee eaten, & the other neuer fatisfyed vntill their good hope be quite extinguilhed. The bufy Ape comes not to lb many flirowde turnes by his vnhappye trickes, as they come vnto milchiefe by their troublelbme dilpolitions ; nor doth he deferue lb much the whip to keepe him in awe, as they merrit the halter for bringing fo many vnto mifery. For if the law rewards him with a halfe penny corde, that doth rob a llranger of thirteene pence halfe penny, I knowe no realbn howe they can bee accompted leffe then theeues, that either robbe their neighbours, or fpoile themlelues of their good names. He that killes himlelf, Ihalbe buried by the law in the commons j and why flioulde not he be intoombed vnder the gallowes, that not onelye cuttes his owne throate, hailing therebv to the diuell, but cuts his wiues allb, toling her thither for company ? ^ Ah, foueraigne hue, whnfe fweetneffe falues thefoivre, [■ leaf F 4, '. back] And cures the woundcs nf euery dijmg hart : Thou kilft by kindnejje, if thou ki/jl ; No lowre Ads greater grief e to them that feele thy fin arte. Thou countes it paine enough, by proofs tofinde. How two land hartes may f aft remaine in one. Thy captiue bounds make but a confant mind, And all thy warre is for long Peace alone. Thou ties the mind, and lets their handes goefree : Thou woundes the hart, and neuer hurtes the finne : Thy vitiory is, louefnr loue to fee : Thy greateji conqucf, where there is leaflfinne. Ah,fweetejl loue, thou wounds to cure for aye, Whofe fliarpe fJiort-night"^ procures afweele long-day. [^ori^. shor-nitght] Such is loues enuy, and hinifelfe no worfe an ennemy ; hee fightes llrongly, but to free euerlaftingly ; he tormentes happily, and cheereth 44 Tell-Trothes New-yeares Gift. Non mihi [m]ille place«t. [n]on sum de[sul]tor aino[ri]s : Tu mi[h]i I'si qua fi[d]es: cura pe[r]ennis eris. Tecuw, quos dederint annos mihi fila [S]ororum, vi[v]ere contingat teq[ue] dolente, mori.i [= sig. G] frowardly ; and both his fmiles &: frownes are fo equally tempered, as his pleafing mixture makes a perft(5t medley, which yeelds moll melodious coiiftaiicy. One loue and one life Ihall knit fo perfect a knott of amity, as one death fliall ende both their ioyes and miferies. Her loue Ihalbe his life, and his life her loue, fliee ihall endure no torment without his torture, nor Ihall he fuller any extreamity with- out her agony. His fickenelle llialbe her forrow, and her griefe woorfe then his deathes wound. Their care llialbe to encreafe each- others hartes-eafe j and their llrifes, which of them Ihall exceede the one the other in courtefy. Their dalliaunce fliall bee rewarded with darlinges, whofe fweete fauoured faces Ihal be continuall pledges of their faithfuU kindneffe. The daughters flialbee like to their fathers, and the fonnes haue the countenances of their mothers. Their encreafe llialbe muhiplied, their fubllance doubled and trebled, till it come to aboun dance, lining fo longe as three folde gene-rations Ihall make ioyfull great grand-mothers, and degrees of honour make happy poiterities. They Ihall adde fo great a blelfing to their ftore, as time fhall not take away the memory of them, nor fame fulFer their antiquitye euer to die. A woor[l]d fliall enJe with their honour, neither Ihall that world decay vntill their dignity be regifired in the true cronicles of eternity. Thus fliall loues followers be thrife happy, and thus Robin goodfellowes well-vvillers, in imitating his care, bee manifolde blelTed. They fliall haue their hartes delire, and 1 my willie, which I pray may happen to both our contentmentes ; and fo, farewell. ' A good deal of the Latin side-notes comes from Ovid's Ainores, book 3, elegy 4. —W. C. 45 ^ To the Gentlewomen and others of E)is:lcind. ('^'A-^ "' ~ back] Ourtious and loucly Dames, lume, to winne your lauour, prouid luche collly gifies as may befeeme your accept- ance ; and others, fo rare deuiles as a yeares trauell hath purchafed ; but Tell troth, though as feruiceable as they which are nioll paHionate, and as amorous as who exceedes in attention, hath only bought for you a dramme of w^it, amounting to fourr pennye charges to palVe for a new-yeares gift. The dedication whereof, 1 haue rather fubie£ted to your curteiie, then to mens jKitrocinie ; for that your felues, being of the purell mettall, and hauing your hartes framed of the kindeft moule, will be both more ready to defend our good meanings, and willing to hinder that hagges proceedings, your wills will be leall followed, and therefore your wits mull be moll vied ; wherby you, whole Iweete flowing lounges charme more then the Orphean muficke, mufl llraine your melodious notes to that heigh[t], as by your lingularitie you may make IcK)lie alhamed, &: by folemme vowes, breake the necke of fufpition. You mull difwade with wordes, and perfwade by niodeft behauiour, confounding by wit, and confirming with difcretion ; Following Robins rules to preuent the diuells pra<5tife, and making much of loue, to withlland lelofies councell. And for that Tell troth tells the truth, which by triall you muft proue, vfe Robins falue to heale your fore, and performe his will to inioy your weale, whereby your con- firmation may approue his cuiming, and allowe my perfumption in a -greater matter. Robin hath here but onely touched that generall [^ leaf G z : the back of knowne enimie to a quiet life; but hee meanes, by your further ^/"'f {^^Z"" fauourable protection, lliortly to arme you againfl many pettie aduerfaries, which worke againfl loues welfare. If, in the meane time, your good reportes knocke downe the bufie carppers, it fhall bee a fufficient fpurre to make both Robins wit and my pen to triumph in fpite of them, which lliall, by wading further to anger them, light into tliat vaine which w ill better content you. Vntill which time (becaufe I would not be tedious) I will leaue you, fubmitting the wifli of your welfare to the pleafure of your oune wills. Yours, as he hath euer beene. Tell troth. bla>Uc.\ 46 [Mr H. C. Levander has kindly identified the side-notes of Tell-Troih by means of his Ovid Index, and coiiied them out as follows : — Quo tibi formosam, si non nisi casta placebat? Non possunt ullis ista coire modis. — Ovid. III. Am. I\'. 41. Indignere licet ; juvat inconcessa voluptas Sola placet, Timeo, dicere si qua potest. — III. Am. IV. 31. Quicquid servatur, cupimus magis ; ipsaque furem Cura vocat : pauci, quod sinit alter, amant. — III. Am. IV. 25. Ferreus est, nimiumque suo favet ille dolori, Cui petitur victa palma cruenta rea. — II. Am. V. 11. Flectitur iratus voce rogante deus. — Art. Am. I. 442. Quo semel est imbuta recens servabit odorem Testa diu. — Horace, Epist. I. ii. 69. [ ... ex mails eligere minima oporlere .... Cic. de Off. III. i. 3.] * Obsequium tigresque domat timidosf^e. leones. Ov. Art. Am. II. 183. Flectitur obsequio curvatus ab arbore ramus. Franges, si vires experiare tuas. — Art. Am. II. 179. Nee mentem servare potes, licet omnia claudas ; Omnibus exclusis intus adulter erit. — III. Ani. IV. 7. Si sapis, indulge dominae ; vultusque severos Exue.— III. Am. IV. 43. Centum fronte oculos, centum cervice gerebat Argus : et hos unus saepe fefellit Amor. — III. Am. IV. 19. Quod licet, ingratum est ; quod non licet, acrius urit : II. Am. XIX. 3. Nitimur in vetitum semper, cupimusque negata.— III. Am. IV. 17. Cui peccare licet, peccat minus : ipsa potestas Semina nequitiae languidiora facit. — III. Am. IV. 9. O utinam arguerem sic, ut non vincere possem ! Me miserum ! quare tam bona causa mea est ? — II. Am. V. 7. Per Venerem juro, puerique volalilis arcus, Me non admissi criminis esse reum. — II. Am. VII. 27. Ilaec tibi sunt mecum, mihi sinif communia tecum : In bona cur quisquam tertius ista venit ? — II. Am. V. 31. Si nee blanda satis, nee erit tibi comis arnica ; Perfer, et obdura ; postmodo mitis erit. — Art. Am. II. 177. Desine (crede mihi) vitia irritare vetando ; Obsequio Z'/V/rc'j aptius ?)^.V6' tuo. — III. Am. IV. II. En ego confiteor ; tua sum nova praeda, Cupido : Porrigimus victas ad tua vincla manus. — I Am. II. 19. Blanditiae comites tibi erunt, 7frr(;;que, Furorque, Assidue partes turba secuta tuas. — I. Am. II. 35. His tu militibus superas hominesque Deosque. — I. Am. II. 37. Nil opus est bello : pacem veniamque rogamus. — I. Am. II. 21. Pinguis amor, nimiumque patens, in taedia nobis Vertitur ; et stomacho, dulcis ut esca, nocet. — II. Am. XIX. 25. O facies oculos nata tenei'e meos !— II. Am. XVII. 12. Non mihi mille placent : non sum desultor Amoris : Tu mihi (si qua fides) cura perennis eris. Tecum, quos dederint annos mihi Ilia Sororum, Vivere contingat ; teque dolente mori. — I. Am. III. 15.] * There are several various readings of the words in Italics. [THE PASSIONATE MORRICE, A SEaUEL TO TELL-TROTHES NEW-YEARES GIFT, 1593. By a.] 49 [si^. A 2j To the Gentlewomen and others of England. Nee more (moft beautiful damfels) I am bold to prefume of your wonted fauour, thereby being lead to a perform- ance of a vowed duetie : where a kinde zeale bindeth to offer the acceptance of a feruiceable good will, there a careful 1 feare that forewarneth to incurre the hazard of offence, maketh the hart to ftagger betweene hope and defpaire; hoping through the kindenes of your gentle difpofitions, to obtaine a defence againft iniurious cauillers, and fearing by an ouer-bolde prefumption, to offer offence to the affable fweetenes of your foueraigne curtefie. But feeing my defire to bee poffeffed of the better cordiall, makes me hart-ttrong to fuppe of that jwtion which is likefl: to lengthen my welfare, the fame being an affured confidence of your continual! carefulnes, in fhrowding with your affe6tion the flcnder fubftance of my humorous Morrice. It is not long fince, for Tcl-troths Newyeeres-gift, I prefented vnto your liking Rolin gnnd-fellow his newes, with his inue6tiue againft Loues moft iniurious enemle, leloufie j which, though it was a token to gratifie the day, yet, if with indifferent iudgement, the matter therein contained be confidered of, I doubt not, thougli it was a New-yeeres day toy, it may proue a many yeeres helpe to hinder tliat hagges enterprifes. The worke tooke his title according to the time of his creation^; but ftiall RoJhis prefcript'^^ions be followed ? [•or/;?', crea- the patients maladie ffiall continually hnde it a gifte to ngnifie the [2pt. o^;?-. ^ good beginning, and profperous proceeding of many new yeeres vnto ["3 ^j^ ^ 2, them. But now to fend Tell-trnth packing. Hone/lie hath thruft ^"""^^ himfelfe into your feruice, who, though at the firft fight he may feeme a crabbed companion, yet let me befeech you to ftay your SHAKSPERE"S ENGLAND : TELL-TliOTH. 4 ^o The Epistle. cenlure til you haue throughly tryed what is in him ; and if then he ihewes not himfelfe a dihgent pleafer of your immortal vertues, memorize in the Cronicles of Difdaine the fame of that runnagate limpHcitie, and let me, for his fauhe, be banilhed from your good thoughts to euerlafting ignominie. I was rather defirous to trauel altogether inuifible, then to haue had a title which might giue light to the vnderftanding of me your vnworthie profeffed Author; but fince the higher powers denie me that priuiledge, I am content to lubietl my felf to the opinions of courteous difpolitions ; befeeching you to beare with my vaine, for that the vanitie of this age regardes no other ; nor would any be con- tent to heare of faultes, vnlelle they be tolde them in meriment. I protefl there is nothing fcandalous therein, nor which is ment to offer iniury to any ; onely my purpofe is, that if you fliould know any like vnto any of thofe in difpofition, that either you forewarne them thofe monftrous iniurious vices, or accompt of them as peflilent foolifli wretches. To fliun tedioufnes, I commit my intention to your- mifticall confideration, my woorke to your courteous prote6tion, my I'elfe to your fauourable opinions, and your facred felues to the heauens tuition. Yours in fcruice and qffl'Siion moji loyall, A. 5i [sig. fi] THE PASSIONATE' Morrice. [' orig. PASSOIX- ATE-^ N the moneth of March, a time as fit for wooing, as May is pleafant to fporte in, Hojiejlie trauelling, as his cuftome is, to fearch fuch corners as good fellowfhip haunteth, it was my hap, co/»ming into Hogfden,to light vpon a houfe, wherein were met fuch a troupe of louers, as, had not the hall been wondrous bigge, a multitude Ihould haue been forced to Hand without dores. Yet, though the roume was fo fpatious, as an armie might haue lodged therein without pefterment, notwithftand- ing it was fo well filled at this inftant, as all the place Honejtie could get amongft them was, to fit on the rafters on the top of the houfe, which fitted befl: my humour, that defires rather to fee then to be feene. There, feated in my Maiefi:ie (as ready to heare newes, as the pickthanke is forward to tell newes), I might eafely perceaue my louers mated, as if they ment to make Marche birds, euery man hauing his fw^eete hart, and euery couple their corner. There were of all fortes, and in many manners forted, — fome batchelers fewed to widdowes, others to maidesj widdowers likewife wooed fome maides, and otherfome, widdowes; there was age and youth coupled together, equalitie of yeares courting each other, and diuerfity of dilpofitions, arguing to make a fympathie. 2 Amongft them I lent my eares firft to a couple that had chofen [^s'k- b, ° / ' backj forth the moft fecret corner in the houfe, which were not worft fitted for yeares ; for it was a youth of three and twentie, that had matched himfelfe with a maide of eighteenej hee, holding her vpon his knee, with his right hand clafping hers, & his left about her middle, made many proffers to win her fauour, and breathed many fighes to Ihew his loue; he vowed conftancie with protellations, and confirmed with 52 The passionate Morrice. othes the pleadge of his loyaltie ; he {hewed her how long he had loued her before he durft tel her of his affeftion, how many iournies he had made with lofle of labour, and how many complaintes to the God of Loue, not finding any remedie. Hee made her priuie to the many houres he had at fundrie times fpent in watching to haue a fight of her, fhewing vnto her how ioyfull he were, had he, per- chance, but feene any creature belonging to her fathers houfe, yea, were it but the little dog that turned the fpit. ' Many times (quoth he) haue I lookt vp to the windowe, imagining I haue feene thy pifture engrauen in the glafle, when, with long gafing to viewe the true portrature thereof, I haue at lafi: recalled my felfe, by letting my foule fee how mine eyes were deceiued, in expe6ling that true forme from the glaffe, which was onely pi6tured in my heart. Then would I forrowe to my felfe, and power forth fuch palfions into the ayre, as my heart, being ouer loaded with the extremitie they would force, would conrtraine me to fit downe, ending my fpeeche with fuch fighes, as my breathed forrowe would no lelfe darken the ayre, then a miftie fogge doth obfcure the fkie. But at lafi, comming to my felfe, I would returne home, locking vp my felfe within my lodging, a clofe prifoner by the commandemewt of louej where, to paffe away the time, I would write paffionate lines, amorous ditties, pleafing fancies, pleafant ronddelaies, and dolefuU drerelayes. Now would I thinke to winne thee by letters ; anon I thought it better to pen fpeeches; but fuddainely, both mifliking mee, I would [' sig. B 2] throwe ' my felfe vppon the bed, fo long thinking which way to obtaine thee, as in the end I fhould fall into a flumber. Yet, amidfl my reft, my thoughtes concerning thee were reftlesj For then fhould I dreame fometimes thou fpakefl: me faire, repaying my kindenes with fweete kiffes, granting my requefts, and forward to doe my will ; but awaking from forth that foueraigne elufion, looking to finde thee, I fliould feele the bed-poafles, that hard hap, turning my glad heart to a new bread forrow, which was the more painefull, by how much my dreame was pleafing j at another time, I fhould thinke, that fuing to thee for fauour, thou wouldefi: beftowe frownes, & profering my feruice, thou wouldft oft^er fkornes. If I fighed, thou wouldfl: fmile, laughing at my teares, and ioying at my griefe, requiting euerykinde demande with fo cruell anfwers, as if thy bitter words could not force The passionate Morrice. 53 me to leaue my fuite, thy fkornefuU farewels fhould fruftrale my wil ; otlering to touch thine hand, mee thought thou profereds[t] thy foote, and ftoLiping to catch that, being ghid of any thing, thou wouldft in a rage fling from me, and leaue the doore barred againll me. There fliould I fit till my teeth chattered in my head, and my heart aked in my bellie j then fliould I (hake for colde, and figh for forrowe ; when, thinking to knock my legges againft the ground to get heate, I ihould kick al the cloathes oft" me, being in the end conllrained to awake through colde. At what time that colde fare would better content me, then the former flattering cheare did pleafe me, being as glad it was falfe, as I would haue been glad if the other had been true. Many like to thefe did I endure before my acquaintance with thee, not knowing any meanes how to obtaine the fame of thee, vntill happely finding thee in a fommers euening at the dore, I pre- fumed to enter parlie with thee, offering my felfe your feruant, which had been a tweluemoneth your fworne fubieft, doubting of your patience, though you feeme to be a patterne of pittie. How, and after what order I haue fince that time befought your flmour, your felfe ihall ^ be my iudge, for I lill; not to rehearfe my dayly fliiftes to [' sig. B 2, fliewe my zeale, my manyfolde conclufions to obtaine your companie, my giftes to wooe the feruants, and my prefents to gaine your good will. But to be briefe, thereby to come to that I like beft, one whole yeare I loued thee before thou kneweft me, & three more are palTed fince firft I fpake to thee ; yet then was I as neare as now I am, and now as farre off as I was then. Say, therefore, fweete, fince to fl:ay longer yeelds but little comfort, fliall my fuite now end with the verdit. You loue me? ' To which long preamble, fliut vp with fo whot a conclufion, flie no lelTe prepared herfelfe to anfwere him, then Frier Tuck vfed cere- monies before he fong mattens. She call her eyes vp to Heauen, as if flie had been making her praiers to loue, fighing fo bitterly, as I thought hir placket lace would haue broke« ; then to the matter thus flie anfwered : ' Alas, gentle fir, I mull: confeffe I haue found you kinde, and you haue been at a great deale more cofl then I could willi you had ; your fuite hath been long, and my kindenes not much, nor doe I hope you expe6t more at my hands then you haue had, before my friends haue granted their good will. Maidens are modefl, and 54 The passionate Morrice. muft not bee prodigall of their courtefie; children are bound, and cannot confent without their parents counfell ; pardon mee, there- fore, I pray you, if I fay I loue you not, fince my father knowes you not ; and thinke not much if I defire you to ieaue to loue mee, vntill my mother giue me leaue to like of you. At which time, alfure your felfe I will bee as ready to performe your will, as they ihall be forward to with me that good ; and thus, in the meane time, I hope you will reft fatiftied.' This was a lliroade bone for my paffionate youth to gnawe on, that being fo ftrucken on the head as his heart aked therewith, thought to eafe his forrowe with this replie : 'Ah, my fvveeteft fweete (quoth hee), Thinke not on thy fathers counfel, feeing a greater friend craueth his deferte, nor let me reft their leafure witlrout pitie, that hath thus long remained [i sig. B 3] conftant vnto ^thee. I loue thee 1101 ^ for thy freendes fake, though I ort£r- nor j^^^ them for thy fake ; nor doe thou lothe me for their pleafure that lines but at thy pleafure. But, fweete and foueraigne of my hart, as thy thoughts be not tied to their wils, fo let not thy loue be linked fo faft to their liking, as their miflike fliould end my life by remouing thy loue. Say, my goddelfe — ' and therewithal!, as he was proceeding, Ihe cut off" the reft with this fliort anfwere : ' I befeech you, fir, to leaue oft' your courting, vnleife you entend fome other conclufion then as yet I can gather ; for, of my faith, loue you I wil not, nor confent ; I dare not, without my freends giue their confents firftj' and there- upon ftie thrufted through the throng, and poafted out of doores, leaning my palfionate louer to fay his pater nofter alone j where we will leaue them. What I thought I will tell you, and I hope you will not doubt of the matter, for that Honejlie fpeakes it. One yeeres loue without acquaintance, and three yeeres fuite to be neuer the neerer 3 either he was a bad lawyer, or Ihe a monftrous vniuft iudge ; but be it, both a paflionate Affe, and a peeuifli wench were well met. But marke his folly and her cunning 5 he, building Caftles in the aire, and fetting trappes in the Sunne to catch the Ihadowe of a coye queane, was pleafed by her, with wagging his bawble and ringing his bell, while ftie pickt his pocket and cut his purlfe. A proper peece of feruice of a paffionate Souldier, and a prettie fleight of a flattering Slut ; I would we had more of them, nay, why wifti I that, fince the worlde The passionate Morrice. ^^ is too full of fuch alreadie ? Yet, of my honc-fty, Ihe was as fitte a match for fuch a foole as might be found in the worlde. A great deale of fond fancie repaied with a iharpe fliorte denial), and three yeeres afFe£tion rewarded \s ith an ounce of flatterie, mingled with a pound of difcurtefie, a good cordiall to comfort fo kinde a hart. Oh, the fubtilty of the diuell, that vnder the fliadow of obedience couers t/ie craft of cofonage. It is hotte loue that buildes on freendes liking, and pellilent affe6tion that relies rather on the mothers ' loue, [i sig. B 3, then on the Loners loyaltie. Such as ftands fo curioufly on their Parents good will, hauing dealt fo craftily without their confent, are worthie, by Honejiies doome, to ftand in a Cage, vntill either their freends good will be got, or her fweet harts licence obtained for her deliuerie. And this is too good, for that the kinde Afle wil too too foone releafe her ; I thinke this punilhment would be worfe welcome vnto her, namely, that flie be bound from mariage, fo long as llie hath kept him without his anfwere, which will fo pinche her prodi- gall delire, as either Ihe will forfweare honeftie, or neuer commit the like knauerie. Oh, there is a companie of minions which delight to haue many futors, that they may bragge amongft their mates of their diuerlitie of louers ; they thinke it commendable to haue ftore of cuflomers. But knewe they fo much as I know, they were better to goe once in a fortnight to Greenes Cunnyberries, then to haue fuch reforte to haunt their companies. Hojiejlie honours the confent of Parents, but abhorres fuch loue as is built on their liking; if there be no remediebut that either they fliall like, or thou wilt not loue, let him haue thy Fathers good will before he obtaines thy countenance j for doubtles Ihe that will enter- taine louers, and repay their courting with kindenes, will care as little for her freends counfell, hapning on a mate {he can fancie, as the horfe wil for haye, that hath his manger full of prouender. And, what is the caule why fo many ftande fo curioufly on their freends confent ? nought, forfooth, but the prefumption of a double baite, that being fure of their countenance, they may be allured of an other dinner if their owne likes them not 5 or otherwife to haue a hole to hide a Fox in, for that her owne denne is not fecret enough. If her Hutband controlle her for any mifdemeanour, or reproue her of any dithoncft behauiour, then on goes her pantoples, building the ^6 The passionate Morrice. reckoning of her honefty on her fathers countenance, fo far prefuniing of his bounden duetie for the match making, as if he kept the keye [« leaf B 4] of ' her hufwiferie. Her long toung vtters large fpeeches, ftanding at defiance vnder the banner of her Fathers defence, and his houfe murt be her Caftell to keepe her from her Hufband. This is the commoditie a man ihall reap by fuch a match ; and this is their meaning that would couer their rebellion with the cloak of obedience. Is not he wel preferred that is fo well married ? and how can he mend it ? Marry, no way but this, that he which is mated with the like incon- uenience, to learne more wit againft the next time, ll:riuing, in the meane time, to pleafe both her and her freends, fince he had fo much reafon to woo both her freends and her, to be bound to fo bad a bargaine. It is follie (quoth a wife man) to be forrowful for things irre- couerable, and HonejTie thinkes it madnes to repent for deedes done, whereof her felfe is culpable j can any man be fo witles (efpecially in matter wherein wifedome is fo much required) as to doe, and with vndoone in a moment ? yea, doubtles, Hunejtie knowes fuch, they being the hotte fpurres of our age, that thinke euery day a twelue moneth vntill they be married ; and after they are matched, euery houre feauen yeeres vntill they are parted. It was hotte loue that will be fo foone colde, Ibme of you will fay ; but I fay, if it had been hot loue (as it was burning luft), it would not haue been fo foone colde. For whereas the prouerb goes, that hut loue wil he foone colde, it is ment by fuch atfe£lion as wants matter therby to continue longer. For as that is the pureft wood which yeelds the perfe6lell heat, and tliQ purer it is, the fooner it wilbe it own deftru6tion, leaning the fitters by without fire, vnles a frefli fupply be as neede requires added, — fo wil our hotte loue (whole kindled affeftion is come vnto it perfeftion, the hart being on fuch a blaze, as euery part of it is on a light flame,) decay (as reafon and nature requireth), vnles new faggots of kindenes adde frefh matter for fiering, the llipply thereof remouing all fufpition of want of atfe6tion. How pure tlm loue is where there is fo light a regarde of proffered kindenes, as ' my Fathers [2 leaf B 4, will,' or ' my Mothers leaue ' muft be a Spurre ^to my liking, let euery one iudge that knowes loue. But, in my opinion, as I confelfe that the duciic we owe to our The passionate Morrice. 57 Parents may doo nuiclie where the knowledge thereof bindes to obeye ; fo muft I contirme that loue is a diietie, himfelfe binding to fo great obedience, and tying with fuch ftrong conuaiances, as he remoues all thoughts of lower duetiesj I, tearming al dueties lower, for that by commaundemcnt thofe dueties mull: be reiefted in refpeft of the louing duelie that a Hulband ihall require. Now, how far my nice Minion was from knowing this duetie, her coye demeanour and cunning behauiour hath manifefted. Yet how happie was my youth at Lift to be rid of fuch a monfter ! And monfter may I tearme her, in refpetl: of her lewde behauiour j for was it not much better that her inconftancie Ihould haue beene knowen before he was fait linked vnto her, then it fliould haue beene found when it had been incurable ? Doubtles it was a good caufe he had to double his orifons vnto loue, for fo louingly preferuing him from fo pertilent a prittie-bird, — I lliould haue faid pricking-burre, or paultry bauble. , BUt to come to my fecond couple, which were leated oppofite to thefe in an other corner, being a luftie widdower that was courting a gallant wench, both of them being highly beholding to nature for her liberall llill in their making, which were thus placed : She was fet down, ouerlooked by him {landing before her, hauing one of his hands leaning on her lap, and the other refting on the wal, hauing therby (as I gefle) the more libertie to vfe his pleafure, in bellowing kinde kides and louing fauours j fo he was feated, and thus he began to fue : ' Faire Maide (quoth he), I know my experi- ence to be greater then your pra6life, for that I haue tried, rules me by reafon ; hauing loued and lined with my loue, vntill by the fates I was bereaued of that fruit, lb well liked I of my laft lolle, as my former good hap breeds an allured hope of the like good fortune, that being a helpe to further my will, and a meane to make a new choife ; which change, what good it Ihal yeeld, ^ your felfe Ihall chal- [> sig. C] lenge, whole good reporte hath bound me to commence my deferts, to receiue their cenfure by your doome. To boall what I am, were friuolous, for that your freends are alreadie priuie tomyellatej and to fay how well I loue you, were boateles, for that women loue to trie ere they trull ; yet, vnles I fliould Hiy more then I haue faide, I fliould feenie to fay iiolhing; tiiough to fay more then is fpoken 5b The passionate Morrice. already, were meerely foolifh. For thus ftands the cafe : I haue made choife of you for my fecond wife, and haue already your freends good will ; there refles therefore nothing but a confirmation of your duetie, in agreeing to that they haue confirmed : ' thus comming to a full point, he cJofed vp his period with a brace of fmirking kifles, which wrought with his Louer, as a ftrong pyll dooth with a fore ficke patient ; namely, they forced her to anfwere him thus flirewdely : ' The airurance of your good fortune. Sir, hath made you highly beholden to her deitie, that dauncing in the morrice of good matches, you fliould be led by her to fo good hap ; but, belike, it was ouer good to continue long, either her kindenes being ouermatched with your vnconftancie, or your good happe ouer ruled by fortunes cruelty ; They euer change, and lightly, neuer but for the worfe ; which the rather feemes fo vnto me, by the fure knowledge I haue of your fecond choice, that is fo far vnequall to your reported firft match, as I know your liking would not remain long, or my mifliking would come too too foone ; becaufe I am not able to follow what yonr firll: wife hath performed, and you will be vnwilling to beare with the wants your fecond choice muft be enriched with. But, peraduenture, I miftake your meaning; for whereas I thinke you fue to haue me to your fecond wife, you feeke but to haue my good wil to Hue with my freends ; alas, good fir, my duetie (as you fay) mull: not gainfay their pleafure, nor will I, for that matter; but with all my hart, if you haue their licence for your boord, haue my good will to obtaine your bed there alio, for their houfe is at their owne commaundement.' V sig. C, ' Then doubt 1 not (replyed he) to ' haue you for my bedfellow.' 'But that doubt I (anfwered llie), for that I know the contrary.' ' Why dare you (quoth he) to difobay your Fathers commaunde- ment ? ' ' No (fayd Ihe), fo it be for my commoditie.' ' It Ihall be both for your profile and preferment.' ' Make me to beleeue that (quoth Ihe), and then, peraduenture, it may be a bargaine.' 'Why, woman (faide he), I deferue your better.' 'Take her (anfwered llie), and I will not be matched to your inferiour.' ' Why, then, I fee you do fcant loue me ? ' 'I vfe it not (quoth Ihe), and yet I fweare I will mocke you, rather then marrie with you.' With which, being highly difpleafed, he befl:owed three or foure crabbed tearmes, being liueries of his cholerick long toung, and fo departed. back] The passionate Morrice. 59 A fliame goevith him, thought Hofiefde, whatfoeuer Hie thouglit, ami with all luch Louers ! louers, with a halter, — lubbers, I may better tearnie them. What monrtrous matches are fuch as are iluiffled vp after the lelfe fame order ! Suppole Ihe had beene feare- fall, and dLirft not to hnue reiitled the receipt of what Ihe lothed ; imagine Ihe had beene foolilh, and could not haue iudged of affec- tion? thinke fhe had beene forward, and would haue beene glad of any one? alas! poore wretch, I pittie the fuppofition ; what Ihould I haue faid to the confirmation ? I know alhiredly ihe Ihould haue lighed, whatfoeuer I had faide; and mourning iliould haue been her companion, what ere had been my communication : he would haue daunft with her portion, while flie had drooped through want of atTe6lion j he would haue loathed her company, for that ihe was not a dayly commoditie j her life Ihould haue been like the hacknies that are at euery mans commaundement for the hire, and her ioy as momentary as the florilhing greene graffe in luly. Pitifully fliould file haue lined, puniihed by him without pitie : and this is my reafon of the polhbilitie ; for that it is moft likely he loued her not, & how well any body vfe them they loue not, let them fpeake that fufpeft not. Now, that he loued her not, may be proued both by his kinde of wrong, carelellye fuing vnto her, peremptorily vHurping her Fathers [isig. Cai authoritie, which was a band to tye her to obedience, though a bad nieane to obtaine her curtelie. For alTedion is not to be limitted, nor loue to be compelled ; but, co/ztrarily, hatred foUowes feare, and feare forerunnes millike ; and how we loue thofe w^e regarde not, iudge they that woo and obtaine not. But this cuttome is too com- mon and ouer cruell, namely, a wooing of freends, and a conllraint of loue, I would not fay compelling, but for feare it Ihould haue been taken for compelling. Were Hone/tie a luftice, they Ihould either lye in the ftockes a fortnight, or marry her I would match him with, which Ihould feeke a wife after this order. I thinke, verily, he would rather Ihiy his Hint by the heeles, then be bound to the other inconuenience ; and yet he could finde in his hart to binde another to the bad bargaine. This is charitie, yea, & neuer a whit of honeftie, being fo farre from ciuilitie, as the Millers crat't is from true dealing. Now, truely truly, to deale as we would be dealt with, is fent to the hedge a begging, and neighbourly loue is made a hacknie. 6o The passionate Morrice. [I sig. C 2, back] being fo vvorne to the bones with feeking a good Maliler, as his fl^inne will hang on the bulh fliortely. I haue heard a reporte of a paffing kinde man that complained of his wife at a Seffions for pilling a pot full, iudging thereby Hie was dilhoneft J and that lame man fliordy after burying his wife, fued to a maide, after the manner aforefaid ; he had obtained her freends good will, and were at a point for the Maidens loue j yet on a time fhe was troubled with the head-ake at his beinsj with her, whereof he io milliked, as in the morning he went to the Philitions to haue their opinions to what difeafe it coulde turne, and vpon their reporte left her. I am aifured I haue erred in no point, vnleife I haue mif- tooke the laft, putting the Philitions opinion in the roome of his owne bad meaning : it was no difeafe, indeede, that mifliked or milled him, but it was of the Fathers purlfe, not of the Daughters head j well, ihe was well prouided for in milling of him, and if he fped any thing the better, let him boall of it ; but ^Honeftie can iudge no better of the remnant of his companions, then his a£lion giues the verdift of him, which is as bad as may be. But to another that hapned on one that had the toothake, with whom he u oLild not marry for feare the hoUowneire of her tooth Ihould corrupt her breath, and fo annoye his colde ftomack. It was colde indeede, and I would fuch rtomacks might be heated with redde hotte gold, as cheerfull as fcalding leade. Well, to a third : he liked her parents wel, for that they were honeft & godly, and as well of the maiden, becaufe flie feemed modell ; to be breef, he could find no faulte in either of them, onely his feare was that the Daughter would be fomewhat Ihrewilh, for that Ihe had a long nofe, and thereupon gaue her ouer. If her nofe had beene long enough, I think Ihe might haue fmelt a knaue, but I am allured Ihe knewe a churle, and fo let her claime him wherefoeuer Ihe fee^ him. Yet one more of the lame ftampe, and fo we will leaue them. This was a wooer in graine, who had gone to far, as they were at next doore to be allU in the Church. The wedding apparel was bought, the day appointed, yea, and I may tel you, many of ihe geife bid, only there was no alfurance, for that he abhorred ; but it fortuned that before the day there dyed a rich man that left a welthie widdow, to whom he made fo fecret loue, as he wonne her good will within a The passionate Morrice. 6i fortnight after the death of his predeceirour ; well, notwithltanding, to faue his coiu/terfeit credit and preferue his hypocriticall honeftie, he reforted dayly to his olde fweete hart, with whom vpon fome fmal reafon he fel at ods, vfing her fo vnkindly in fpeeches, as he drew tearcs for ibrrow. Glad of this, though turning his earneft into ieft, he called her vnto him, in the prefence of many of her Fathers fer- uants; then fwearing that if llie tooke him not about the nccke & kilfed him, he would neuer marry with her as long as he liued. Which ///e yong Gentlewoman refuted to doe, partely for that he had iniured lier highly, but tlia rather ieaft fuch fondnes ftiould feeme immodellie to the feruantsj vpon whofe denial, in a great ^ fume he f' *"s. C 3] flung forth of the doores, and in a rage as if of fpight, within one fortnight after he matcht with the widdowe aforefaid. But to tell you what a life fhe lead with him, were to hunt from the purpofe; yet alTure yourfelfe it \\'as lb bad, as the world iudged this maid neuer better blelt then in not being bellowed ne call away vpon him. Such, and of the lame forte, are thefe money-woers, that fue firft to the Father, to faue labour ; for, Ipeede they will ; and if they miffe in one place, they knowe another where they will pradife. And how can it be iudged otherwife, feeing their meaning in vfing that meane importes no lelfe ? for, thinke they, ' if I haue the Fathers good will, the daughter will be eafilie wonnej and if I milfe of his, I faue that time and labour, in fuing to the maide, befides the giftes I fhould bellowe.' Ha, ha ! I haue him by fent : and what thinke you of him ? in faith, no otherwife then HonejTie beleeues. You fmell a Foxe ? I, and a ranke one too, whole breach is fo llainde with this gilding matter, as it may eafely bee iudged what muck hee loues. Alas ! good hearts, that are coupled with fuch bad mindes, this is loue ; true ; but what loue ? couetous loue, hateful! dillimulation, hipocriticall atfettion, and what not that is contrarie to the fweete Ibueraigne loue, which lues for kilfes and not for coyne, which cranes the heart & nothing elfe ; for with it, al Ihe hath is his; and he that wil looke for more, I would he had a halter; and he Iball not want it in hell, howlbeuer he fpeedes here. Fie, tie ! mariages, for the moll part, are at this day fo made, as looke how the butcher bies his cattel, fo wil men fel their children. He that bids moll Ihal fpeed Ibonell ; & fo he 62 The passionate Morrice. hath money, we care not a fart for his honeftie. Well, it hath not been fo, and I hope it wil not be long fo ; & 1 wil aflure you, loues common-wealth wil neuer florilli vntil it be otherwife. Why, it is a common pra6tize to aike the father what hee will giue with his childe; and what is that differing from cheapening an Ox.e ? And it is as common, that if ihe be fat, it is a bargaine, but if leane, flie muft ftay another cuftomer. Out, alas ! what loue is this ? in faith, if [> sig. c 3, I ^ might haue fped better in another place, come to notice after I backj haue bought your daughter, ilie lliali pay for it, or I will make dice on her bones. A pittifuU partenerfliip, where there is no greater loue ; and how can but one of them l)e vndone ? He will vie her ill, becaul'e he loues her not j and Ihee cannot loue him for not viing her well ; for whome we feare we hate, and what then ? Hee will praftile her ende ; the will with his death ; and while they line together, it will be fo full of heartbreakings through quarrels and contentions, as woe to them both, I, and to the third too, that was fo forward to make fo bad a matche. But, howfoeuer they two fpeede, I am affured fliee will fpeede worfe : as for hir hutband, he will not want excufes to defend his knaueriej and hir Father muft beleeue him, becaufe of hir former credit giuen vnto him ; fo that contented llie muft be, how difcontented fo euer she lines ; and beare it flie muft, vntill her hart breake j which happie day muft ende her miferie, and fet my craftie wooer at libertie. Thus much for my fecond corner : and now to my third couple, which were ciuilly feated on a benche together, they being, the one a batcheler, and the other a widdowe, which was wooed by him after this like order: 'It were foUie, forfeeth (quoth he), to vfe circum- ftances, fince you are fo well acquainted with the like prattize ; but to leaue them and come to the matter, which is (as I thinke) the beft meane to pleafe vs both, you Ihall vnderftand that vpon the good reporte your honeft life hath deferued, I haue conceiued fo good liking of you, as I ftaould thinke my felfe happie if I fliould fpeede no worlfe.' ' I thanke you (anfwered fhe) for your good will ; but furely. Sir, I thinke you haue deceiued your felfe. For, peraduenture, you imagine, or it hath been vntruely reported, that I am the woman, which indeede I am not ; namely, ritche, for that my deceafed huf- band made fome fliowe to the world ; but if that bee your thought, I The passionate Morrice. 63 aflfiire you you are deceiued.' ' You miftake my meaning (replied hee), for it is no fuch matter ; I re^lped not fo much your wealtii, as [< leaf C 4] I doo your matronlike modeftie ; my felfe is young, and I haue a trade, and am, I thanke God, of my felfe able to maintaine a woman. But I doo rather defire to match with your Hke, then with a younger, for that you knowe better both what belongs to a man, as alfo to vie thriftely what I get. And, moreouer, my felfe is not fo young, but that I am meeter to match with a widdowe then to marrie with a maide, and would be moft glad if it might be my good happe to fpeede with you.' ' I cannot tell (quoth llie) what your good fpeede may be ; I knowe you not, and therefore I hope you will giue me leaue to enquire of you ; which done, I will fend you your anfwere by fuch a day; in the meane time, I wifh you well.' I, mary. Hone/lie, & what then ? no marry thefe : forth flie went to her broker, to will him to fearch after his fubllance, vfing that manner wTliich vfurers can beft difclofe, which is their praftife in put- ting forth their money. This was a palling commodiiie; for what better then a ritche widdowe ? but that foolifh enquirie fpoyled all ; had fliee thankt him heartily, defired farther libertie, and had made fearch into his eftate fecretly, fliee had lliewed her felfe the wifer ; but fo bluntly to faie, ' giue mee leaue to enquire of you,' fliewed as bad bringing vp as might bee poflible. But, tut ! I like her the better, becaufe Ihe could not diflemble ; for flie, alas ! did but foUowe the common trade, dooing with the ape but what flie had feene done before her. She had heard her hulband inllruft his prentices to make a profit, and fhe thought Ihe might trie the fame for her own good. I would lliee and others knewe what was good for them ; they would then rather refpeft the man then money. But this couetouf- nes fpoyles all, though ' I would I had more,' is too much in our mouthes ; for, followed Ihe not the greedie defire of adding muck to muck, might ihee not as well haue lined with this man, that had a trade as good, yea, much better then her hufbands was, as Ihee did before with him ? Shee had no children ; fuppofe Ihe had, they ^ were [= leaf c 4, prouided for well; and what greater charge woulde this haue brought ? he had a care to line, or elfe hee would haue fought to loue without refped ; for who knowes not that Ihe is as able to fatiffie a mans defire that hath little, as Ihe that hath much. 64 The passionate Morrice. if we onely regarde pleafure ? Take this on Hnnejlies credit, that hee that buildes his loue on fuch reafon, as hauing little, hee will chofe one that hath fomewhat, wil proue a better match vnto thee, then him that brings mountaines. Beware when loue is vpholden with maintenance ; if the heart remembers, ' I am thus much beholden vnto her, thee loued mee or elfe lliee would neuer haue matcht with me 5 tlie made me a man, being before worfe then nothing; how much better might llie haue done, if Ihe had not been led v\ith affeftion,' and fuch like ; It will alfo remember the duetie this kindenes requireth, euen like for like, lealf tlie worfe crie fhame of him. How happie fhould parents be, were this in their remembrance at their mariges making ! how bleffed Ihould their children be, if the like praftifes were vfed ! and what a florilhing commonwealth would that be, where equalitie of birth (which alwaies iliould bee regarded, fpecially on the mans fide) fliould bee linked to abundance, whereby the number of gentle beggers Ihould be decreafed, and the mifofouernement of wealth will be auoided. One man fliould not haue his cofers ful, and twentie want it that better deferue it. How many able men Ihould we haue (if this were vied) to ferue and fet forth men for the princes feruice, where now I am but one man, and I am bound but to my ftint, to rinde'oue mans cliarge, thougli I haue fiue mens linings. But no more ! this is too ferious for Hnneftie, & I meruaile how I fell into this vaine, fince I Ihidied to bee plea- fant. What, thinke you, did my widdowe after her fearch of enquirie, for you muft thinke that the batcheler longed for his aufwere ? Marry, though flie was not a foxe in her fpeeches, yet fliee proued no lelfe in her dooing, for now fliee kept her houfe as clofely, as hee dooth his holde craftely. She miflikt of the man : for [I sig. D] what caufe, geffe you ? ^ if you knew as much as I knowe, you would fweare, not for lack of honeftie, or becaule he was vnthriftie. But wil you knowe whie ? he had not the hundreds lying by him, as the reporte went fliee had left her, and therefore fliee thought it needeles any one fliould lofe fo much labour, as to fulfill her promife in carry- ing his anfwere. Yet, if that were all, it were well ; I, and it had been well for him (for the fauing of flioo lether) if flie would haue fpoken with him at his comming to fetclie it : But my widdowe would not be within, or elfe flie was bufie ; and thus was his kindenes The passionate Morrice. 6^ requited. Now, fie of the diuell ! is this a meete reward for affedlion? nay, fuppofe it be no more, the gocnl will, was it well requited ? Me thiiikes that if his dog had come, hee deferued belter entertainement then to haue been beaten away; and ihee had dealt better if fliee had fent himfelfe away with a crabbed anfwere, then fo vnmannerly to vfe him by lleeueles excules. And well it were if iliee had no more fellowes; but out vpon them ! there are too many fuch, whofe coye nicenes exprelfe tlieir milchieuous fondenes ; for, fpeake they will with any man that come, vnles a Herald fore runnes the fewtor. In my opinion, and it Ihall bee grounded vpon reaion, fuch wid- dowes are worthie to fit while their breeches growe to their feates, as refute to anfwer all commers of what degree foeuerj and becaufe I promill you reafon, this fhall be it. Who knowes not, that whofo- euer fues for the like match, winneth a thouland incombrances with his good fpeede ? for he that knowes not that care fhal be mingled with his befl contentment, fhall fall into a pitte before he be ware of it. And who, were it not for his loules health, would imbrace fuch an inconuenience for a little commoditie? I, and the beft mariage is but a little commoditie, in refpe6t of the continuall carking that comes with it. If, then,— as who faies it is otherwife? — a man makes fo great fuite for fo fmall hearts eafe (refpefting the earthly pleafure), deferues not he a good countenance, or at leall a welcome, that longs for fo bad a bargainer In my iudgement, ^ and it fliall iumpe with f' sig. D, mine opinion, that woman is much more beholden to the man that would match with her, then to her parents that haue brought her vp j for they did what ere they did, of duety, & this doth what might be vndone, of mere deuotion. Why, thinke the bell you can, thinke for your felues : fuppofe one that hath nothing, comes to craue your loue : did he only refpe6t your wealth, without his owne welfare (and hee that thinkes to haue welfare without dealing wel with you, he reckens without his hofteire, and flial finde a new bil of charges), had he not much better to hazfard the taking of a purfe by the high way ? Yes, doubtles ; for were hee by that means brought vnto miferie, he might haue death at his cal, to rid him from extremitie; but now being grieued vncelUmtly, he may leeke for death, but meete with the diuell ; hope for an ende, but feele the want of it con- SHAKSPERE'S ENGLAND : TELL-TROTH. 5 66 The passionate Morrice. tinually. Yet come we to one further point : imagine fome men that bee ouer-vmruly, defire to haue accefle into your companie : if you knowe them for fuch companions, I would holde you vnwife to admit them into your prefence ; but lliall your hart but fay, I fufpe6t without trial, you cannot out-runne the crime of want of defcretion. It is beft, therefore, you that feare fuch reforte, to harbour your felues, during the time of the heate of the market, in fuch places as the countenances of your prote6tors Ihall preuent fufpe6t, and dif- parage the pra6tile of fuch vndecent behauiour ; or otherwife, to appropriate vnto your houfes fuch helpes as lliall bee likely to fore- ftall the like mifchiefe. That euery one may bee anfvvered, is Honejties meaning 3 for vnles they bee, they haue not their due, nor doo you fliewe your felues to be inriched with that curtefie which widdowes defcretion dooth challenge. For, let me tell you, and enfure as many as knowe it not, that a man lliall finde more pleafure in lying in the campe, being dayly threatned with the bullets of his enemie, then in lodging with a wife, vnles his wifdome be the greater. And I knowe you looke for my reafon : then for this [isig. D2] caufe, for that their vnconftancie ' breedes more feare then the fhot brings hurt 3 and their tender heart will craue more gouernement to content them, then the other will afke forecaft to preuent the danger they bring with them. For a fteele coate reliftes the harnie of a mufket 3 but what garment lliall out Hand her threatning of the home ? That man amongft Souldiers is counted accurll that is ftrucken with a great fliot ; and that hulband thrife bleft among married men, that is not continually wounded with fome mifde- meanor or other he fhall efpie in his wife ; well, I fay no more, becaufe I am a batcheler3 but Honefde muft fpeake the trueth, or fliame will follow him. It is wifdome to looke before lepping, but extreame follie to Hand vpon nothing ; hee or lliee that makes many doubles, Ihall neuer want care 3 and fhe wil il rule a charge, that cannot cliarme a knaue. Speake the diuell faire, and he will be fatiftied 3 and what woman knowes not how to flatter? It is good to knowe vice, that we may flnm that euill ; and as good to trie the honeftie of wooers, that yon may not fpeede the worfe. You fliall often finde a kings heart clad in a thred-bare coate, and a fenators wifdome harbored in a youthful! The passionate IMorrice. 67 head ; vertue goes not by birth, nor defcretion by yeares, for there are olde fooles and young councellers, counterfeit knaues & crabbed churles, the one being clad in a lambes fkinne, and the other kept warme with Foxe furre. Nature makes, but fortune clothes ; a ritch knaue therefore may march in the habit of a true meaning gentleman, when poore Homjtie murt goe as he is able, bee it in a mouldie caffock. I haue heard it credibly reported, that there was a ritch widdowe fell here in England, which had left her liuing enough to maintaine a younger brother j and vnto her did rcforte fuch an one, as had not lildome flung out at a bootie, nor would haue cared much if it had been his father, fo he had met him in a conuenient place. This young gentleman (yet not very young, for he was about fortie) came vnto this widdowe, to craue her good wil, vfing as fpeedie tearmcs as he ^ defired quicke fpeede. Hee tolde her his name, fo [' sig. D 2, back] well knowne throughout the countrie for a fliifting liuer, as he fpake no fooner then hee was well knowne vnto hir. Whome flie vfed courteoufly, anfwering him after this order : ' I hope, gentle fir ((juoth ihe), you will giue me leaue to anfwer you as fpeedely as you bluntly afke the queflion.' 'And with all my heart (replied hee), for that is my defire.' 'Then alfure you thus much (faid flie), that if there were no more men in the world befides your felfe, I would not marrie with you.' ' A Ihort and fower anfwere (quoth he) ; yet let mee aifure you, that onely fuch an one (naming himfelfe) will haue you,' and fo tooke his leaue, departing in as good order as ftiee had in kinde manner vfed him. Shortly after, at a meeting with many of his companions, he craned their aide, finding them as forward to performe any thing hee fhould require, as hee would wifh. Vnto whome hee fliewed his whole intention, the rather defiring their helpes, for that they had been partners with him in as great hazards ; well agreed vppon the match, they rode towards thewiddowes houfe, comming thither in the euening about fupper-time, when it was very darke, whereby their companie coulde not bee defcried. They knockte at tlie gate, and was anfwered by the porter, that being afked who was within, certified them according to his knowledge. Him they fo hampered, as gagde hee was and bound, being laide forth of the way ; which done, they pafled further, entring the hall with their drawne fwordes, where they found all the feruants at Supper. They 68 The passionate Morrice. had no weapons neere them but bones, being vnmeete inftrueinents to refift armed men ; and dogges, they were not to be wonne by fuch baites. Therefore, eafily one by one they were bound and laide on a heape ; the wooer in the meane time, with two of his mates, being in the Parlor with the widdowe that was garded with two futors, being Gentlemen of account in that Country, he vnmatked himfelfe, for [1 sig. D 3] they had al vifards, and tolde the widdow he was ^ come for her ; at what time one of them grewe cholerick, and I thinke it was he that was likeft to haue fped beft, for he was placed on the benche neerefl to her hart, and drew his poyniard, the beft weapon he had at that inftant, making as if he meant to darte the fame 3 but vpon better confideration had, he put vp his Dagger, and was contented to be bound with his fellowe. All of them being bound, they got the Widowe foorth, and bound her with a towel behinde one of them, hauing before their departure hid all the Saddles, and turned forth the Horfes out from the houfe. Ouer a long plaine they rode, & fo through a wood, where, being out of greateft danger, he himfelfe, the wooer, got vp before the widdowe, entreating her to confider of their eftates, not fo much he himfelfe refpedling his own weale, as he regarded his freends welfare, whome he had drawen into that defper- ate aftion. But it was all in vaine, for agree fhe would notj ilie fware rather to dye then to confent, which feemed little to remedie his affeftion. Wei, in ihort time they were come to a place prepared for the nonce, where they found a good fire with a Parf(,)n, and other good company aifembled together about the fame matter. It was a w^onderfull rainie euening, lb that all of them were throughly wet ; but there Ihe wanted nothing Ihe could defire, nor fpared he kinde words to winne her good will, which was fo long in graunting, as before the obtaining of it. Hue and cry was followed into that Towne. Whereof he, hauing notice, came to her with his lall hope, willing her, that as fhe was a woman, either then or neuer to confent to the fauing of all their lines. When flie, feeing no remedy, but either ihe muft relent, or they repent it : ' will you (quoth Ihe) be good to my boy Tom ? ' for {lie had one onely childe called Thomas. ' To fay I would (replyed he), in this extremitie, might be faide to be but flatterie, but affure thy felfe I will, and much better then I will boaft on 3 ' vpon which agreement, they were foorthwith maricd. The passionate Morrice. 69 Soone after he called her afide, and tolde her flie was now his wife, whofe credit was her e:ood resrarde : ' we ' Ihal, I know (quoth he), be [' sig D 3, ° ^ back] l)rought for this before tliQ counfel, at which time, vnlelfe you vfe tliQ matter thus cunninglye, as to affirme this was your owne praftife, to lliewe your h)ue, and fliun a bad reporte, we fhall, notwithftanding, fmart for it.' Which ihe promifed to doo, and did indeede no lelle, all thrm being Ihortly after apprehended, and brouglit vp to anfwere it at the couwfell Table, where flie tolde fo good a tale for him and Ills fellowes to the effc6l aforefaide, as the faulte was remitted, and they dilcharged. Now, that )'C)u may vnderftand how well he re- quited this her kindnes, flie lined with him a long lime, and yet lelfe then a dofen yeeresj and dying, left this good reporte of his vfage towards her : namely, that neuer woman liued with a more kinde man then flie had found him, with other fuch probable tokens or the certainty thereof, as a Countrie can witnes the fame. Him felfe liued not long after her, at his death leaning her fonne Thomas fine hundred pounds by the yeere, ouer and aboue his own Fathers lining, which he himfelfe had purchafed by his good hufbandrie. What fay you to this vnthrifte ? was not flie put to a flirewde trial! ? flie was, and it proued paffing wel. Wherfore, then, fliould yonger brothers be reiefted, or why they that haue little, be vnre- garded ? furely, becaufe the hart is couetous and milkuftfuU, and womens mindes are afpiring, being neuer contented. They fo much thirfte after preferment, as often they ouer-leape amendement, and iumpe iufl: into a worfer predicament. Many looke fo long for aboundance of mucke, as ^ they fall into [2^r7^.asas] a quagmire of miferies, hauing filuer to looke on, though wanting mony to fnpply many wants : hauing a faire fliewe and a flirewde keeper, one that hath more then enough, & yet will not part with any thing : Honeftie knowes many of thele, and they feele more then I can tell you. Who goes, for the mofl: parte, worfe fliod then the Shoomakers childe ? and who hath lefle money in her purfl^e, then flie whofe Hulband hath moft in his chefl ? * But, for that I am Ibme- [3ieafD4] what fl;raied out of my way, I will return to my firfl: widdowe before my fliooes be quite worne : My forenamed Bacheler, that neither by himfelfe or his freends could fpeake with her to know her anfwer, deuifed this conclufion, to fend her a Letter by a freend, not fo much 70 The passionate Morrice. for the matter there in fet downe, as that thai might be a meane to entice her to be fpoken with, which, iudeede, proued to fome pur- pofe. For to the Meflenger flie came, and after notice giuen from whome the Letter was sent : ' gods Lord (quoth ilie), did not my freend giue him his anfwere ? ' ' No,' replyed the Meifenger ; ' for he craues no more by this Letter.' * Surely (quoth ilie), I thanke him for his good will, but I am not minded that way.' ' What way ? (replyed he), not to marry ? ' ' Yes,' faide Ihe, * but not with one fo yong.' Now you Ihall vnderfland her fimple excufe, cleanly made; for in a mans iudgement it would not be thought there was much dilference betweene their ages. And, as it was gathered after, Ihe meant one way, and the Meifenger tooke it an other ; for the meant yong in fubllance, though he vnderftood it for yeers ; as, after further talk, flie plainely exprelfed. What Ihali Honeftie fay more of her ? in footh, nothing, but to pray, either for the amendement of her and her companions, or elfe that this punifliment may be intli6ted vpon them 3 that is to fay, that they may be fo haunted, vntill they deale better, as they may not peepe foorth of their houfes, without as much wondermen[t] as the Owle haih that fiieth in the day time. And doo they deferue lefTe that make fooles ? it hath beeue a fuftie faying, Qui moccat moccahitur, and, vntill that proue true by pra6tice, as it falles out true often vnlookte for, we that are to fpeed fliall neuer finde better. ■ If all men will agree to Honeftie, we wil keepe a Cronicle of fuch wenches ; my felfe will be fpeak the regiftrelhip, and though it be no great office, yet it may doo much good. But now to a fourth kinde. Which were a thrife-made, not a threed-bare Widdower, and a tiue times left Widdowe, both of them being fo much in Fortunes bookes, [iieaf D4, 3S they were endowed with the ^ thoufands. They i'oone agreed vpon the matter, and within a fliorte time were married ; vntu whofe houfe, hauing heard them boafl of their lubftance, I olten reforted to fee what good cheere they kept ; I was twife there together in Chriltmas time, but neuer could fee hotte meate, yet good ftore of cold, by reafon they had had foure daies before many guefts. But fnice the holly dayes, hoping for hotter fare, I found him and Ihe fet at a couple of red Herring & a flice of barrel butter: colde fare, as I thouglit, for a tucl'dny fuppcr. Alas ! liow were the feruants dieted, back] The passionate Morrice. 71 when they had no better? I would haue thought the. fauUe to haue beene in her, vntill Ihc faide vnto me, that flie was forrye flie liad no better iare tor Ilomiflie ; when the okle Cliurle replied, ' holde thee content, wife j he is welcome, I thanke God I haue this for liini ! ' 'I thanke your worfliip,' faide I ; though I thought, ' I beflirewe the Churles hart ! ' But there of force nuift I lodge too, for that I had ouer farre home, and he that had fedde me fo hungerly, had found talke enough to keepe me with him till midnight. I muft coufefle I lay better then I had fuppedj lodgde in the next Chamber to themfelues, there being nothing but a thinne wall betweene vs. After my lirft lleepe, I heard them two very lowde, and though I did not greatly defire to be a partaker of their fecret, yet I could not choofe, vnles I had beene either naturally or artificially deafe. They were at fo hotte words, as he cryed, ' out vpon thee, old beggarly whore ! ' with other moll fliamefull tearmes ; the therby being forced thus to complaine : 'Alas, that euer I was borne to fee your face 5 I was no begger when I met with you, for I brought with me as good as twentie thoufand pounds, which now being at your difpofition, you deale thus crabbedly with me ; meeting together in refpe6t but yellerday, what hope refteth to me of the end, feeing the beginning is fo bad ? you diet me with hardmeat, and cheer me with crabbed vfagej I can neither haue a penny in my purfle, nor a good fliooe to my foote. I greeue to heare my feruants repine thereat, though I cannot amend it, and ^ for that I tell you of it which may redrelfe it, [} slg. E] thus you reuile me.' ' Holde thy peace, olde whore (quoth he), or I will make thee; if they like it not, let them mend theirfelues, and either charme your toung, or I will clapperclaw your bones ; ' with which cooling carde, Ihe was glad to be quiet, as I gelfe, for I could heare no more of her at that time. Now, Honeftie, hauing leafure to thinke of what he had heard, ftill harpt of tha twentie thoufand pounds, which, as I thought, was meeter to haue made a King, then to haue pleafed a churle ; with that I condemned his cruelty, and pitied her chaunce, fo long thinking on her hard fortune, as I fell a fleepe, taking vp the remnant of my mornings nap. Well, before I rofe, my olde carle was vp, and before 1 was ready, gone abroad ; when fuddenly comming foorth of my lodging, forced to palTe tlirough his Chamber, I found the good olde ya The passionate Morrice. woman fliedding teares fo aboundantly, as I could not but greeue for company. But, feeing me, llie rowzed vp her felfe, and would haue iliadowed her dilcontent ; yet, at laft, allured I had heard the iarre, the laide file was forrie I had beene difquieted; the which I excufed, faying, ' I was more greeued for her then for my difquieting, for had that beene the worft, Honejlie hath beene farre woorfe troubled.' ' Ah, good fir ((juoth flie), this is their fortune that are couetousj for I had enough left me to haue lined like a woman, if I could haue been fo contented ; but aiming at dignitie, haih been my de(b-u6tion, and longing after promotion hath brought me to this milerie ; my lall Hulband was accounted a good houlholder, and companion to the bell: in the parifli ; but he being gone, and my hope to become a Lady, hath ledde me to this ill bargaine. Ah, gentle Honejlie, I was no meane woman when I met with him, but he thinkes, for that I haue turned my Cloth to filke, he hath made me happie. How happie had I beene, if I had neuer feene him ; but too late it is to wilh, and folly to complaine, for that it was my owne choice that hath matcht my felfe with fuch a churle. He clothes me in gay [isig. E, 1 coates for his owne credit, but with them cloyes me with multitudes back] _ •' of difcontentments ; abroad he is gone, and perchaunce I ihall not fee him till bed time j nor are fuch trickes plaide feldome, when he leaues nothing, what need foeuer we fhould haue of any thing, but what the houlhold prouilion is, the bell: being no better the« your yefternights fare. If he brings any bodie home with him, we mull run to the Cookes to fane fiering; nor can a bit of bread be eaten without an account giuen to him ; he fearcheth euery corner, & chides for euery candles end he findes mifplacedj and if, perchaunce, he happe on a cruft, he will make as much fi:irre as if it were the loile of a Cow ; he will prie into the greace pot, and hunt after the Tappe droppings : to be breefe, the creame pot Ihould be ouerlooked by him euery day, once at the leall, and his fiering furueied as often ; a Cheefe cannot be cut without his leaue, nor a ilicke be burned with- out grutching. Nor doo I fo much greeue at this in refpe6t of my felfe, as for that my feruants want their due, their want being more irkefome vnto me, then this fcantj for what will they let to reporte ? and who can blame them ? or who will llaye in fuch an houfe, and not without reafon ? fo thai dayly difcredit is heaped on vs, and con- The passionate Morrice. 73 tinuall care for looking after new fcruants, neuer from vs. This is my greatefl: hart breakej and my fule to haue this redreffed, is our only breake-peace. He fumes when I intonue liim of what I haue heard, and llampes when I tell him il is nut well j nur wil I tel thee all, for that this is too mueh, nor fliouldft thou haue knowne of thus mueh for me, except his crabbednes had made the path. But,hark ! he is come in; for the pallion of God, hide ihy felfe ! for if he Ihould know thou wert not gon, he will miltrull vs, and fmart I Ihall for vs both.' Now, the Diuell breake his necke, or Gotl amend him, thoght I; yet, for feare of her harm, I was conte//t to be lockt vp by her into a clofet, where I was co//ftraind to Hay, while the teeth chattered in my head, before we could be rid of him. Well, at laft, by good fortune, a companion of his fetcht him ^ forth to dinner, who, being [' sig. E 2] gone, I was let forth, an extraordinary her being made for my wel- come down ; & to make me a mends, Ihe had fent a bracelet fhe had, of which he knew not, to paune, prouiding fo good fare for my Dinner, as I was not at better all the Chriftmas. But while we were eating of it, our mirth could not be mucii, her feare was lb great of his comming home ; but we, making as quick fpeede as our teeth would let vs, after we had doone, I thanked her, taking my leaue and departing. Wei, m}' backe was fcarce turnde, when (lie bid her men and maids to bellirre them, that the kitchen might be dreft vp, and the remnant of our Chriftmas fire to be quencht and caft into the priuie, leaft his fearch Ihould finde out the brandes, and that breede no little difquietnes to them all. Alas ! poore wretch, thought I, how much feruants are there which line at more eafe, and ftand in leife awe, then thou dooft ! Is this a wiues portion? doubtles, no; but a iuft plague for couetoufnes ; for they which cannot vfe a benefite when they haue it to a good purpofe, lliali want it when they would, and feeke it when they cannot finde it. Couetoufnes fliall not efcape hell ; for how farre, I pray you, was flie from it ? her good dales died with her matching with him ; and if there be any purgatory betweene vs and hell, Ihe was in it, and thereby at the next doore to that dungeon. I would but all couetous mindes were plagued but with a dramme of the like difcontent ; I would haue theirs but a feauen- nights punilhment, whereas fhe muft endure, peraduenture, feauen 74 The passionate Morrice. yeeres torment. Hoiiejlie thinkes fuch a meile of miferie would bring them to a banquet of happines at their deliuerie from that wretched- nes. If many of our coye dames, that cannot be content with anv thing, and are fo curious, as daily dainties fecme nothing viito them, were but pincht a while with her morlelles, I am perfwaded it would faue their hulbands a great deale of charges in their diet thence after, and would make their feruants much happier, by being freed from much ueedeles labour. Their houfes would be pulled downe, [I sig. E 2, and the ^delight of their curious poked ruffes would be fet afide ; they back] would not refpe6t tJie fuperfluous dilhes they vfe, nor regarde iheir fuperftitious curiofiiie in rubbing the flowrcs of their houfes : what fliould I fay more ? they would vfe obedience towards their Hulbands more, and brawling with their feruants lelfe, they would thinke of their owne happie lines, & pittie others : they would feeke to pleale, and be more eafily pleated j they would line contentedly, and be thankfull for fo great profperitie. The filhe that hath beene l^ricken with the hook, feares the baite j the childe that hath burnte his lingers, dreades the candle 3 the horfe that hath beene puniilied with the fpurre, fafpetls the wagging of the heele ; and the apprehe/ided theefe begins to thinke on the halter. What delight brings fweete things vnto them that neuer tailed of fliarp fauce ? or, what an indifferent opinion carrie they of profperiiie, that bane neuer beene in miferie? The vnridden Colte bites the fnaifle, while the olde horfe is glad to play with the bit ; and they that are vied to Ihackles, weare the/H without much annoiance ; for that it is vfe that gets experience, and experience that brings protit. When a curll Cow hath fliort homes, harme is lelfe fufpe6ted • and if a crabbed cur be mulled, there can be no danger. There are both baites to entice, and bobbes to make to forbeare j allurements to winne, and correiSlions to driue away; and he that thought this to be needefull, knowes bell to vfe it, which happens alwaies to vnbrideled nouices, once good fpeede egges vs to a fecond aduenture; and, it twife a theefe hath efcaped the halter, he will neuer leaue vntill he purchafe tiborne. ' My la 11 Hulband was fo good,' makes fome fo defirous of a fecond, as their hallie bargaine bringes ouerlate repentance. ' Like will to like,' tjuoth the DiucU to the Collier, and fome will neuer be fatified vntill their niouthes be filled The passionate Morrice. 75 with Clay. He that hath enough, feekes for more, and fo I carrie a great countenance, I care not how I am beloued. Indeede, what cannot money doo, that will buye any thing? and yet honeftie will purchale that ^ which all the muck in the world cannot corapalie. [■ big. e jJ namely, a good report for euer. Who knowes not that the couetous man cannot liue quietly ? and v\ hy wil we not knowe that the afpiring minde Ihall be brought lowe ? The loue of your wealth is in your owne hands, but the key of your wittes kept by a higher guide. You may cholli a ritch man, and hunt after an houL-ft (yet ritches and honeftie goe fildome together), but to fay it Ihall l)e for your weale, muft craue anothers leaue. Hee that giues all things, can giue thee both ; and if iliou wilt talle of his libcralilie, built on his charitie, fufpeft not, and fpeede well, feare, and fpeede ill 5 L't therefore all thy care be built on his kindenes, and thou wilt be better contented with a kinde begger then a crabbed churle. To take heede by another mans liarme, is a louing warning; but if thou wilt needes try, take the hazard. When our neighbours houfe is on tier, we haue neede to beftirre vs ; and he that fits ftill at fuch an extremetie, is worthie to tafte of the like miferie. To looke ere we lep is good counfell, yet, to looke hartcly, and lep faintly, makes many to fall into a ditch dangeroufly ; well, a word to a wife man is enough, and there are few women but haue (lore of wit, if they adde dilcretion vnto it. Hotifftie, therfore, wilhes them to vl'e it lb well, as they neuer fpeede ill. A fift forte now followeth, which was a couple ftanding in the midft of the company, both of them being of equall yeares. He was a young ciuill gentleman, no lelfe proper then hee feemed wife, his difcreet gouernenient beautifying both ; but ihe, though lliee had wit at will, and was very proper, yet lacked lliee the other ftep to wif- dome, namely, difcreetenes in her behauior. Her immodeft fondues gaue fufped of vnciuill lightnes, fo that her ouerforwardnes feemed to ouerlay her loners afte6tion. Shee would hang about his neck before all that company, as a iacke of Napes doth fitting on the bear- heards ihuulder, and kilfe as openly, as a dog icombers careleilr. She followed him at heeles like a tantinie pigge, and hong about him as if piimed to hii llieue. He could nut ftirre without -her company, [^sig. E3, ... baclcj nor Icarce goe to make water, but the wcniKl a\\aite on him. Ihus 76 The passionate Morrice. much did (lie not let to doe openly, and therefore I had the more delire to fee how flie fpent her time fecretly, which was as contrarie as might bee; for whereas flie would bee mad raerrie in his company, in his abfence flie would be as mad melaucholie. Shee then would fit in a corner, as a dogge doth that is crept into a hole, hauing done a Ihroude turne, wetting her couch with teares for the lack of her fweet heart, as a childe doth the bed for want of a chamber-pot. But, being in a good vaine, ihee would pen paffionate fonnets, and, in that humor did I once take her, when flie had newly finilhed this amorous dittie : s Ad is the time wliile my deare lone is alfent ; Eife waile my mi/Je, and tongue bewailes him ivantirig ; Heart hleedeth teares that doo encreafe my torme/it, And y e elds forth Jighes /rhirh Jet itfelfe a panting ; IVhile he is al'fent,j}ich is )ny delight, As is tlie faylers in afiormie night. If I clianncejing, witkjighes my fongs le graced. And in my tunes, rny g7'ones nry laces le ; Grieuous complaints are for the trelles placed ; The meanes le teares, the tennor miferie. Foure partes I Icare, and want the ffte alone, JVhich is my ioye that with my lone is gone. When IJIiouldfpeahe, my tor, gue forgets it talking ; IFlien f/Jiould write, myfngers are lenommed ; IVnen Ifliouldgoe, my feete haue lojl their walking. And euery part is dead, offence lereaued : Nor can I tell what is the caufe of this, Except lecaufe my heart with him gon is. Thus dayes are nights to me, while he is wanting, ylnd meriejl fongs are plaintes for ioy departed ; [1 leaf E 4] 1 My mirth is mone, my forrowe fuccor wanting, yind fences gon, viy Iodic haue vnharted : So that I Hue aline, as leing dead, And by hit alfence fole, this death is Iread. After the felfefame onler fpends Ihee her well fpent time, yeelding The passionate Morrice. 77 fiirh bitter fighes, while flie is fetting down the Hke padions, as a hoile doth hartie neefes, that is troubled with an extreame colde. Then, paufing a while on that flie hath done, weighing the eftate of her lamentable cafe, fhee cartes her lelfe vpon hir bed, breathing againft the fates the rancor of her heart, after this manner : ' Vniuft and cruell fifters, that haue prolonged my dayes to endure this niiferie ; is this the force of your decree, to decreafe my ioy by increafing my dayes ? Haue you drawne to this length the thread of my life, now to cut the fame with fo lliarpe an edge-toole ? Cruell and vnkinde are ye, fo crabbedly to deale with a poore virgin, fuffer- ing me to Hue to endure this crueltie.' There, making a full point, \|'oulcl llie lie gafping as if the were giuing vp the Ghoft ; till at length, hauing gathered winde, Ihee would thus begin to murmur againrt Fortune: ' Vnconrtant dame, fo much delighting in mutabilitie, as all thy ioye is to alter chances ! How wauering is thy wheele, and how vncertaine thy fauours ! the one Hill turning, and the other neuer remaining long, where fo ere they are beftowed. Was this the pittie of your heart, to fet downe fo vnmercifuU a doome, as I iliould alwaies relt vnhappie ? You whirle your wheele about to pleafe your felfe with the turning, tolling thereby vnto me one miferie vpon another ; then eating me of that burthen, to make the next feeme more difpleartng vnto me ; thou Ihewes me my harts ioye, and fets me on the top of delight, to beholde the ditference betweene weale and woe. But, from thence thou throwell; me as quickly downe, as I was ioyfully feated, letting thy wheele reft as ouerlong, while I lie in the dungeon of vncealing paine, as it did too too little ftay at the [iieafE4, ^height of my pleafure. Thou giues me kinde words and cruell fare, happie fightes and horrible heart-akes ; thou Ihewes me reft, and fees me with trouble, fetting me at the table of dainties, yet binding my hands leall I Ihould touch them, fo far am I from tafting of their fweetnes. Vnkinde and vnconftant fortune, what chance had man- kinde to be charmed to thy beck ? and, wlierein are we more vntbr- tunate, then in being forced to obay fortune ? ' To which interro- gation, her felfe would anfwere with a flat mad tit j curiing her parents that begot her 3 her birth day wherein Ihee was brought forth; the nurfe that gaue her fueke ; the cradle that lulled her afleepe j death, for that hee ended not her dayes ; and her felfe, for that Ihe 7 8 The passionate Morrice. was. Now tearde ftie her haire from her head ; anon flie vnapparel- led her felfe to hir fmookc; then, like a fpirit would ihee daunce the Morrice about the chamber, and foone foiling her felfe downe by the Hers fide, fit no les fenceles then her aftions had been witleffe, a long time refting as in a traunce. But, at laft, as ouerlate comming to her felfe, Ihee would, looking on her felfe, feeme to bee afraide ot her felfe ; forrowfull to fee the fruite of her forfaken reafon ; and rifing, would foone make her readie. Being readie, fiiee fell vpon her knees, crying the Gods mercie, and powring forth aboundance of teares, in token of her penitencie. And after that, being indeede in her rightefi: minde, fhee tooke her lute, finging to her fingering this fonnet : w Hat hooteth hme, that liking wants his ioyeP Grieuous that ioy which laches his hearts-content ; Thejight offweete in tajiing of anoy. Ads hut more griefe to former hearts-tor went. What fweet in lone to line delarrd of lone ? Soure is that fweete as honny vtixt with gall ; Lone with vnrefi the heart to paffions moue, Thatjighingfing, and finging Jigh withall. [' sig F] '^JVhile eijes behokle the pleafure of my heart, Heart ioyes through eyes in gayning of that fight ; But when that pleafure from mine eyes doth part. Heart partes with ioy, and refts in heauie plight. And tongue may fin g a hei ho for my heart. That through mine eyes dothfnde loth ioy andfnart Which raufick would bee lb metamorphofed, as, in truth, her finging would turne to fighing, and her playing to complaining, when, in a rao-e, llie would throwe her lute downe, beginning to dilate on her loues vnkindnes, that could be fo cruell to ftay foure and twentie houres from her. Now, found Ihe fault with her felfe for being f ) fond on him, that forbeared fo carelefly her companie j and, by and by, in a great rage fwearing to forfake him, fiie fetled her felfe t frame a rayliiig letter for a lafi farewell. But, before fliee had fcarce written an vnkinde worde, flie paufed on the matter, cafl;ing both pen. <) The passionate Morrice. 79 inke, and p:iper from her; yet, vpon her fecond aduice, about ihe goes wiih a freih charge to pen a crabbed charme, and had gone fo farre as {he had fet downe. Fie, vnkinde wretch! And there, againe, in a doubt of going forward, or leauing the reft vndone, iliee gnawed fo long vpon her pen in ftudying what to doe, as flie had eaten it almoft quite vp. But, at laft, with a refokuion, (lie played the woman, fiUing into fo kinde a vaine of fcoulding, as ihe had charged him with a thoufand difcourtefies for milling one nights reforte vnto her. And, as file was concluding her colour, with a proteftation neuer to defire to fee his face againe, in came one of her fifters with newes that Mafter Anthnni/ was belowe. Which lb quite purged her of her melancholie, as in a rage {lie rent the paper, and call all her anger with it into the tier, porting with fuch hafte to her fweete-heart, as in ftead of running downe, fhe tumbled downe a whole paire of ftayres. Which bad beginning was carelelly put ouer with the conceiued ioy of his pretence ; Ihee entertaining ' him with a kilfe, for that he wa-; [i sig. F not forward enough to bellowe on her the like fauour. But ere long, Ihee began to p^rceaue that Mafter Anthonie was changed, beins^ nothing fo frolick of his kindnes as hee had been, and it was no maruel. For lb me reporte of her fore-ufed fondnes was come to his eares, that being no fmall froft to nip his former afteftion ; fo that his onely comming was to make that conclufion fhe was of late imagining, foone finilhing in wife and difcreet tearmes that her fuf- pe6t was penning. Vpon whole departure, with the paune left of his refolution, my minion fel into a found, there being fuch a ftirre for her recouerie, as what for running for aqua vitce, porting for ale, plying warme cloathes, and fuch like, there was no leffe rule then is in a tauerne of great reforte. ' Here, forfooth,' faith Ihe that had the aqua, ' comequicklij ; ' 'By and by,'anfwered lliee, being called thatwent for the ale ; the reft no other wife replying to euery queftion and commaunde. Well, at length life was got in her; though no words could bee drawne from her ; but, being got to bed, Ihe long ere long like a bird of Bedlam. In which lit I left her, more pittying her peeuiflines then her paflions; the rather lefle regarding either, for that I knew that violent fit would not ftay long. But, to tell you what Hnneftie thought all this while, for I knowe that is your longing; and, if you 8o The passionate Morrice. beflirowe any body, blame her for not letting you haue your will fooner, by keeping me lb long there againfi: my will. For vnwilling I was to flay there lb long, and as loath to leaue her before lliee had left at a full point. That you might know all, was my vvilli; and fince I haue mine now, you lliall not bee lung without your wil. She neuer fighed hartely, but I laught as mcrel), being as often readie to piffe my breeche for ioye, as llie was to llied teares, which came from her as had at commandement. And, wherefore was Honejlie thus vncharitable, thinke you, reioycing at his neighbour! miferie ? Surely, becaufe her felfe was lb foolilh to bee lb difquietly [1 3ig. F 2] moued with nut-fliels : would it not haue made a ^ horfe breake his halter, to fee her mumble to her felfe as an ape mowes at his own fhaddow ? Doubtles, — may I fpeake it without the fufpeft of arro- gancy? — Honejt'ie hath as much holde of his ciuilitie, as a mare hath of her honeftie ; and yet, I might as well be hanged as be kept from being merry when fhe mourned. A Camelion cannot change her felfe into more kinde of colours then lliee would vfe change of motions. Sometimes fliee would walke with her hands clafped, and her eyes call vp to heauen, as if fliee were fent for, with all fpeede to render an account of her pallions. Anon, ihe would runne about the chamber like a hare that had loll her way; then, by and by, would {he houle like a kinde dogge that had loll her mailer. After that, girne like aMonkiethat fees her dinner; and ere long be as dead as a dore naile, lying by the fier fide as a block doth at the backe of a chimney. And this l'^^ ^/ini'ile proues not worll, f(;r Ihe burned no leife through the cinders of too kinde aiTe6lion, then the logge dooth with the helpe of charke-coles. Was not this a monllrous tit, that had lb many motions ? Why, if HoJieJiie fliould tell you how fliee would Ibmelimes bite of her owne nailes, knocking the wall with her feete, praunfing on the ground, and lepping of and on the bed, you would thinke hee had to doe with an vnruly iade. Fie, no, llie was a mankinde creature ! and I would not olfend them for a kingdome ; but this Hone/tie is fuch a peftilent fpie-fault, as he cannot fee a wench out-ltart the bounds of modellie, but llraight he hollo wes the fight of a llriker, thinking it vnpoflible that if Ihee want maidenly bejiauiour, Ihee can haue womanly honeftie. Well, I knowe fome will fay hee is a pick- ' The passionate Morrice. 8i thanke ; but were not they Ihonne-thankes, they would fpeake better of Ho/iejties fonne. But thus much for Hone/ties credit ; and now, againe to my cra6l-loue, that had crauled fo farre into aft"e6tions extremitie, as ilie had loft the habit of her cuftomers curtefie. I went once more of deuotion to fee her, becaufe I left her in fo extreame an as^onie, and it was 'within two dayes after: Whome then I ['sis- Fa, ° •' ' back] found clafped within a new louers pawes, as iocunde with him of mine honeftie, as euer I fawe her pleafant with Mafter Anthonie. And what thought Honejlie, then, thinke you ? in faith, no otherwife then I am aflured you doe now. I thought vpon fuch fondnes the prouerbe was builded, ' hot loue wil be foone colde ; ' but enough of that in another place, and thus much more of her at this time. She was as glad, I warrant you, of a louer, as a weried iade is of a faire way ; and he, being tyred, is not more glad of a ftable, then flie was defirous of a babell ; it is onely for rime at this inftant, and therefore let it pafTe (I pray you) with your fauour ; but, whether it doth or no, I beihrewe my name if I get any blame. For my tongue will not amble out of the trueth, though I fhould digge out my guttes with the Spurre, ' Beware leaft you offend.' There is one ftill at mine elbowe, and fayes I muft take heede how I dilfemble, fince Honejiie is become a deitie. I would I were not, or went not fo vnuiftble : for then I fliould not craule fo eafily into maydens chambers, and heare them boafte of fo many fauours beftowed by them on this day ; fo many kiffes giuen to one 5 another vnloofing her garter, yea, and ihe thought hee went not high enough. Well, but that I am merciful!, and will not name you that are fo immodeft as to boaft of fuch lightnes, for if I fliould, I Ihould quite fray away many of M. An- thonies companions from beftowing their affe6lions on fo liberall whipfters. But I faye no more, for Ihame, hoping I fliall haue no caufe to fpeake of the like againe, you will become fo ciuill ; then, thus much for you, and now to another. This way a coy dame, whofe nice ftrangenes moued me not to the leaft admiration ; fhe ftoode iuft at the doore, to whom not fo few as twenty had in my veine made fuite. They were of fundrie fciences, and of all degrees, that had tooke the deniall of her, which made mee the rather to admire the caufe ; and, to obtaine my longing, I lodged my 2 felfe that night vnder her bed. When flie was layed, and one of [^slg. F j] SHAKSPEEE's ENGLAND : TE1;L-TR0TH. 6 I 82 The passionate Morrice. her mothers maides with her, fhee began thus to parly : ' Wot you what, Na7i (quoth ilie), how many futors thinkes thou haue I fent packing to daye ? ' * Not fo many (anfwered the maide) as you did the laft time you were there.' ' Yes, faith, girle, double ' (replied Ihe). ' And found you fo many faultes in thefe (quoth Nan) as you did in the other?' 'Nay, I trow, wench (anfwered ihe), I let not them pafTe in whom I dilcouer not many ouer-flippes.' ' And what were their faults, I pray you ? ' quoth the girle. ' Some of them had ftore of wealth (anfwered Ihe), but little honeftiej other were honefi: enough, but too too hard fauoured j fome had good faces and bad bodies j other being proper, had crabbed countenances ; fome were amiable for fauour, perfeft of bodie, yet ill legged ; other, which were well legde, fhaled wath their feete, or were fplafootedj and, to be briefe, they that trode right, were either clouterly caulfed, tree like fet, fpindle fhankte, or bakerly kneed ; onely there were two exquifitely fliapte, whereof one was too tall, and the other too too lowe. Thus much for their parts, and now to their properties. 'They that were. wealthy were meanely qualited, and they that had many good properties were moniles ; fome had good toungs, and fpake well, hauing as ill geftures ; others were rich and feemed wife : thofe I fufpefted to be wenchers. And, to make as fhorte woorke in telling thee of them, as I made fpeedie hafte in fending them pack- ing, either I millikte their eftates, fcorned their perfonages, lothed their want of qualities, or could not away with their kinde of wooing.' * But fhal I be fo bolde (quoth Nan) to afke you one more queftion ? ' ' I, twentie, and thou wilt ; for, in faith, I haue no lift to fleepe,' ' In footh forfooth, then (quoth the girle), what manner of man fliall he be with whom you will match ? ' ' Mary, fuch a one (anfwered flie) as fhalbe the onely matchles creature in the worlde.' ' But how will you meete with him ? ' replyed Nan. ' As he fhall hght vpon me by t' sig. F 3, Fortune.' ' But Fortune is blinde (quoth ^ the wench), and may lead him to another in fteade of you.' * Yet, as fhe is bhnde (replyed the other), fo is ihe a Goddeife, a good fupporter of my chauncesj and I know my reporte is fet fo neere her elbowe, as ilie cannot forget me if fhe would.' I, marry, firs, you talk of a wench, and what w[o]ts this of a proud one ? is it not great pittie but nature ihould haue compaflion on this The passionate Morrice. 83 neate creature, and fliape for her a mirrour of meane worth ? Now, of my troth, Honcjlic hkes fuch an oncj and why, thinke you ? I will tell you my reafon, and if it iumpes with your conceite, fay you mette with a kill Crowe. I am allured that they that are of my minde fliall efcape a great deale of trouble ; for, of mine honeftie, if I fliould light on fuch an one, I know certainely I fliould be quickly rid of a neere milhap, in being preuented of matching with a nice ninnie by a nice body 5 for not being the paragon of the worlde, would keepe me from marrying with the onely paltrie one of the worlde ; whether, then, thinke you fuch to be profitable members of a commonwealth ? Howfoeuer you think, Honejlie hath faid, he thinks them hurtful! to none that efcape the;??, for //?rtt their folly onely hurtes themfelues, dooing good to others, in the like manner as he hath tolde you. Trot you, and j^ou will, to trye your Fortune, and runne to wooe fuch curious cuftomers ; but fay I bid you take heede, leaft you refift good lucke, by being importunate to wooe them, with whome you fliall winne a maflTe of manner-les Monkifli trickes. And I fpeak efpecially to you, that hunt after monfters of modeftie, deliring to haue the maidens you would matche with, as very matrones as your mothers. Beware you light not vpon an ouerwearied, conceipted follom-bird, being one that hath beene fo curious to be talkte with of any, as, hauing lined ouer long without one, is become glad of any. Honeftie knowes fuch, and you may be troubled with fuch, and how can you thinke your felues vnworthie ? In faith, ill conceited birds, if you thinke your felues fo vnwife, as you are vnable to gouern a wilde wench, you will ^ fhewe your felues more foolifli if you match with a nice no- [> leaf f 4] maide. But what faide Honejlie ? be there any fuch ? I, that there are, ordained, for the nonce, to nurture fuch noddies. It is as eafie to be miflead by hypocrifie, as it is follie to trufl: to an vncertaintie ; and it is more vncertaine to know now a dales whether a woman bee honeftly modeft, or knauiflily coye, then whether a Smithfeelde horfe will proue good or iadifli. See how I haue a tale by the end, of a ninnie of my now handled maidens qualitie, which was a Mifers Daughter in the low Countries. Who was fo proper a peece of flefli, as I can tell you we haue not many Oyfter women that out goes her in hooke flioulders. By reporte flie was a lonely one j but that flie was monftrous blobber 84 The passionate Morrice. lipt, and ftoopt fomewhat vnreafonably in the vpper parte of her backfide 5 but that is no matter, her father was richer then moll in that Countrie, and why fliould not fhe thinke her felfe the properell of a thoufand ? of Honejiies word, fo by hkelyhoode fhe did ; and if you fay not fo anon, then fay I haue heard a lye. She thought her felfe fo proper, as none vnder a Burges his eldeft Sonne might fue vnto her, and he too to be no faultie gallant 3 for he with all com- mers fhould be fo furely fifted by her, to fee whether they trod their fliooes awry or no, as the Miller doth the grift before he mingles chalke amongft it. She would haue a fling at their heades, to fee whether they were round like a ball, or long like a bottell ; and fo from euery parte, til Ihe were paft the vndermoft parte of their Pantoples. And, in all of them fhe would be fure to finde fome fault or other, the leaft being a fufficient caufe to cut off their proceedings. Thus dealt flie fo long, as at laft her doultifli age was vnawares come vpon her, making her fuftie curiofitie a fliamefull mockerie through- out the Countrie ; fo that the generall reporte of her bruted ignomynie made her growe glad of an)'^companiej and now faine would flie be mar- ried, though loth to encreafe her fliame by matching with farre worfe [I leaf F 4, then Ihe had refufed being offered, and ^ therefore, thinking to hinder back] the make-fpeede of murmured ignominie, with a craflie colour of a continuing care to couple her felfe to one of Fortunes darlings, fhe concluded there fliould be a Lotterie, and whole chaunce it was to be drawen by her fliould onely poffeffe her withered felf You muft thinke that many were glad to win her ; for whom almoft will not wealth wooe to a bad bargaine ? My ftorie reportes that of all fortes, fome for paftime, and others for profile, put their fcrolles into fortunes budget, and on the day when my minions draft fliould be manifefled, who fliould haue her by lot, but fuch an one as Tom- witles is, that will cry if one offer to take away his bable ! A futable mate for fo long a fearch 3 there was but one grand foole in a Country, and fee how Fortune had kept her for him. Now, fuch chaunce follow like curious coye wenches ; and may neuer wifer perfons match with them. And are they not, thinke you, the meeteft for them ? For they defire to haue them that haue the fmalleft faults, and Honejiie thinks it the. leaft fault in a man to be a foole. Who is more proude then a foole ? and what woman more The passionate Morrice. 85 coy, for the moft parte, then flie that hath Icaft reafon for it ? The Crow Ukes her own birde beft, though it be the blackcft j and would not we haue women thinke well of the/wfelues ? I pray you let them haue their willesj or they will, whether you will or no ; and if you like them not, you may leaue them ; and with as good reafon as they will be fure to deale fo with you, vnleffe you highly pleafe them. The Alfe hath a curious eye, and that makes his pace fo Howe j for ihort legges will trippe at euery ftone, and what, flie is not afraide to fall on a ftone ! And reafon loo, but they will neucr be happie, vntill Tom foole and his fellowes be banilht for throwing ftones at them, which often hurt their bellies, whereas their falling breakes but their knees. Alas ! poore affes, that your eyes cannot keepe you from burlhens, as they make you ouer-leape often vnknowne dia- mondes. But what are more pretious then pleafing thoughts ? and what fancies are more full of pleafure then ' thofe that moft extoll t' ^'S- Gi our felues ? This arrogancie is an infeftious peftilence ; for we get pride one from an other, as we purchafe the plague in a mortalilie. But once more returne we to the merry talke of our coye Maiden. After a long progrelfe palfed in defcription of the fweet hart ihe would haue, being fuch an exquilite proper qualited Squire, as is fcarfe one in a whole Countrey, the maid fell with her to this point : ' Now, of my troth (quoth ftie), by your leaue, I am not of your minde J for fuch a matchles fellowe is as meete a baite to entice many women to doo his wife wrong, as a faire woman lliall haue futors to doo her Hulband a ftirewde turne. And, therefore, as I would not wifli to be matcht with fuch a crabbed pecce of flefti as none can fancie, fo defire not I to holde a mark for euery one to flioote at, the rather for that there are fewe men which will refufe a kinde ofter. Beware when the woman wooes ! if £he be perceiued to be forward to fome difpofitions, ihe iLall not want the oftering of a bob ; fo that the bobbing bable iliall bob the foole with her own curious choice.' Which knauilh quip did fo nip my Miftres Daughter on the head, as in troth flie left arguing, and fell harde to fcolding. This is bobbing with a witnes, thought Honejlie ; but furely it were pittie it fliould not be true in fome cafes ; and in thofe onely would I wifh it true, that ftriue fo tar to out-goe their fellowes in fuperexcellent obie6les. 86 The passionate Morrice. Beware the Foxe that hath the fmoothefl: fldnne ! it is figne his coate is olde, and his wit not young ; he will be fure of a goofe in ftore, when many of his neighbours Ihall want one. I know fome, about whome Nature hath bellowed fo long time in fliaping faire faces with proper bodies, as flie hath at laft for hafte beene conftrained to let them pafle with vnperfe61; hartes. She mull performe her llinte, and a time is limited her to falliion euery childe ; by reafon, the//, they mufl haue the purell harts, that haue the vnlikefl lliapes. I know what you will fay, and therby, wil onely feeme to gainfay Honejiie, [I si?. G, for that it is a Prouerbe, * Crooked without, and cral bed within. Of troth, I mull confeife, that it is very likely, though not alwaies true (for, no work-man but hath fometimes a mifchaunce happen to his moll curious worke, after the finifliing therof, either by a fall or fuch like cafuall chaunce), that a halting bodie hath a diifembling hart, and a mifliapen creature a crabbed difpolition ; and we doe finde it commonly, that vnder foulell afpetls are hidden the fairell harts, though I know women accompt blacke thinges to be of leaft worth. But fearch againe, and looke what dye is more perfe6l, or what will take foile fooner, then the milke-like white ? well, the maidens propolition pleafed Honejiie ouerwell, as you may geffe by my long Hay vpon it ; but I will alTure you it difpleafed no les my yong millres. Alas ! it is a little thing that will not difpleafe them whom nothing can pleafe : and Ihall we thinke a wench could pof- fibly pleafe her long, vnto whom fo many men were dilliking ? Now furely he Ihall haue a new accompte, that reckons on lelTe then thisj namelye, that his matching with fuch a minion, which was fo curious to be pleafed, will craue as great care to be kept pleafed, as a iade will require arte to be kept from tiring. Nor doo I fay flie wil be tired ; I would rather be driuen to affirme he llialbe iaded, though with fuch an one as will neuer be tired. But let fuch as my Miflres Many-miflike is, take heede leaft by their coye kindenes they kill their harts whome they would gladly faue after, with all their arte, and cannot. Howeafie is it to put that aw ay with our little linger, which we would willingly recouer againe with both our hands. I haue knowen fome Faulkoners that haue beene fo curious in dieting their Hawkes, as a nice curtefan is of her fare 5 and yet fometimes they haue fearcht a whole day after the kill- The passionate Morrice. 87 ing of a carrion Crowe, and mifl: of it too. The faire laftes not alwaiesj and fuch as lightly regarde a good bargaine when it is prof- fered, may trie the market a twelue moneth after, and mifle of the like ofter. The rolling ftone gathers no moffe, nor the running fan'cie is worth the catching. They flialbe fure to meete with a fickle [' sig. G 2] hart that match with fuch a wauering louej and an vnconftant affec- tion is better loft then found. And for that I am entred into the path of vnco«ftancie, I wil come to a feauenth enemie, which a couple harboured that flood behinde the doore. He was a Prentice that had foure yeers to ferue, which I cer- tainely vnderftoode afterwards, though at that inflant I gefte no leffe by his fearefulnes to be feene ; wel, thefe had fo wooed and wonne the one the other, as fure they were, hauing remained fo by the fpace of three yeers ; yet now there was diflike growen betweene them J firfte, fpringiug from the woman, that was difcontented that fhe had alreadie loft fo much time, being yet bound to endure a longer ftay. Who knowes not the certaintie of her prefumption, con- firmed by an order of the Cittie of London (which is, that if any man, ftanding bound for the feruing of yeeres, entangle himfelfe and marrie before the tearme of his yeeres ended, he Ihall double his prentilliip), and, therfore, muft flie either out-ftay thew, or binde him by the haftie match to feauen yeers more feruice. Vpon this inconuenience, miflike harboured in her bofome, hauing tied that with her toung which file could not loofe with her handi^ fo that mad melanchoUy fhe was for the matche made by her felfe, that tooke fo fmall delight therein. Now, I would all might be ferued with thQ fame fauce, thought Honeftie, that fo foone tying themfelues, defire as foone to be loofed j and, it is great maruell when it falles out otherwife, efpecially in thefe daies, wherin conftancie is made a hackney. Lhigring hue Ireedes mijlike ; and how can that loue be faithfull that is faftned with fo flender a thong ? There is a thing which maintaines the coherence of two harts, which, if it be long wanting, our loue will proue but watrifli affeftiouj I meane, that certaintie of an euerlafting happines, with an alTurance of a continuall earthly pleafure. There comes many faire Horfes into Smithfeelde in a twelue moneth, which make many that -are fped alreadye, to wifti themfelues vnprouided, to [^ sig. G 2, back] 88 The passionate Morrice. deale with them j for all men haue not keeping for two Geldings. It is time that makes a iade knowen ; and our knowledge that wilhes him further from vs. Many thinges muft alter in feauen yeeres, for that wonders happen in a moment. In one day a begger and a King are made equal ; both the pompe of the one, and the poore eftate of the other, being buried in dull. Loffes come fooneft vnlooked for, and the worfl bargaines are gotten with the grcateft fearch ; neede raifeth the market ; and much enquirie after a commoditie engenders fufpe£t there is fcarcitie thereof. What cannot golde doo ? and may it not, then, eafily conuert a hart that longes after it ? There are many entifing baites that change many mindesj & who wil not ftriue for the golden Apple ? onely except thofe that know they cannot get it, though they are deferuing thereof, which impoffibilitie muft needs hatche miferie. How be cormorants more plagued, then by a difap- pointment of their purpofe ? They that foreftall markets, make often times but bad bargaines, as well as the fluggard that comes a day after the Faire. Is it not folly to ftriue to keepe a wet Eele by the taile ? or what commoditie arifeth of holding the Diuell by the great toe ? the one is ouer-quick, and the other wonderous ftrong ; and, in Honejlies iudgement, a knowne lofle, the fooner it comes, the leife it greeues ; and better it is to be without company, then to be matcht with an enemie. Slipperie ware is not the beft Marchandize^ and what requires more care, then Glalfe that is moft brittle ? I know you wil fay a woma?2S hart is as te?2der, and thai I think no lelTe. Then, fince we muft hazard our welfare, that are conftrained to deale with fuch pure metall, being tied to that iraffique ; let vs not beftowe all our hope on a peece we know muft ftay fo long by vs, before we can make profite thereof. Honejiie is rather a profefled folicitor for a woman, then a counfeller to a man ; but, for that both men and [• sig. G 3] women are troubled with the like difeafes, let them ^vfe my plafter that like beft of my knowledge. Where loue ftrikes the bargaine, their liking cannot ftart backe j but vnles he be bound by his agree- ment, aftedion is a fickle fellowe. What furer couenant then fetled loue? But they which refpe6t not their worde, will hardly regarde an oathe. Honeftie is all, for hee is the father of conftanciej and a fig for that loue which muft be tied by the lawe ! If we fofter a The passionate Morrice. 89 fnake, flie will fling vs by the bofome ; and hee that fues for an enemie, is worthy to haue his pate broken with want of honeftie. A tedious fuite makes ritch lawyers and Icefing clients ; and a dcfire to haue all, makes vs often to loofe all. I haue heard of a Gentleman that tied himfelfe to a poore maide after the manner aforefaide, meaning to marrie with her after the death of his father, for that hee durll not doe it while hee lined. Hee maintained her pafhng brauely, running himfelfe greatly into debt, through the large expenfes ihe laflit out. Which curious and ritch fetting forth, made many to looke after her, which otherwife would not haue thought on her. A blazing ftarre prefages alteration, as the Aftronomers holde it ; and doublles, a proper woman gayly ap- parelled, breeds miracles in mens mindes. A prancing horle moues wondring, when a fure nagge onely pleafeth the rider; fo while fliee lined according to her birth, few or none regarded hir; but now fet foorth as readie for fale, her gallantnes engendred thoughts of fome great portion to be fallen by an vnlooked for accident. Nor will friends let to fpeake, to make a friend fpeede well, and hire of the fame minde gaue forth that it was fo indeede 3 vpon which reporte many wooers were drawne to trie their fortunes, and amongfl: them a ritch farmers fonne fet in his foote to hazard his happe. Whome her parents and friends fo well liked, being his fathers onely childe, as they began to perfwade their daughter to take it while it were ottered, after this maner : 'Tut, wench (quoth they), while the grafle growes the fteed ftarues ; and, as foone goes the young fteare as the ^olde oxe [i sig. G 3, to the market. Young heads are fickle ; and fuppoie he fliould play falfe, how fliould we remedie it ? Golde bies lawe now a dayes ; and may not a bribe eate vp a fure title, as wee haue heard a fat hog did a poore mans glalTe of oyle ? He that can giue mofle, fhall be fure to fpeed befl ; and you knowe, daughter, your father is not able to wage lawe againft fo ritch an enemie. Why, woman, you haue not feene him this fortnight ; and how knowe we but he hath a wife in a corner? By our Lady, girle, fuch windefalles happen not often, as is this day put into your mouth. By cock and pie, doo as you will, but if you doo refute this proffer, we will denie you our blelling.' Which counfell ftroke fo deepe into her confcience, as it fcnt packing all the afFeftion her protefted loyaltie had promifed, and go The passionate Morrice. turned it fo to the farmers fonne, as in (hort time hee maried with her. By that time, as my minion had been married three or foure dayes, thither comes pofting my out-ioynted Gentleman : of whofe ftarke flaring mad difcontentment, vpon the hearing of his willow guift, Honejlie lifts not to ftand, fince you can imagine it was great : but what remedie ? What wife man would fue for a falfe-hearted beg- ger ? or what gaine fliould be got by the recouerie of a broken pipkin ? In feeking to haue plagued her, he fliould haue punifhed himfelfe, adding but fliame to the loffe of a greater expence, and in the ende, recouered a flap with a foxe tale. Well, I pittie him, becaufe of his kindnes which was fo croifed ; but if Honejlie heares of any fuch kinde afl'es hereafter, he will make as good fporte thereat as the boyes doo at the foole of a Morrice, Are they not worthie to lie by the heeles, that purchafe the countertenor with fo plaine a prickfong? I warrant you it pri6l and pincht him too j but his father was the more willing to releafe him, for that he hopte that lofle had gaind him more wit. Honejlie could tell you of a thoufand that haue been ferued after the fame order, they hauing promifed to ftaye one for another ; fome a yeare, others more or leife, [« leaf & 4] whereof fome haue had their ^ hope found within a fortnight of their day, and then, thinking themfelues neereft to haue their willes, in come takers, putting their nofes quite befides the fweete fent of their forefpoken bedfellowes. This can be no fmall griefe to a kinde, con- ftant heart, that hath, peraduenture, refufed many good likely hoods to ftay for fuch a light hufwife. He that will thinke himfelfe fure to a woman, or fhee that will build on a mans conftancie, till the parifti prieft hath faide God giue yes ioye, and the brides bed hath borne it firft nights waight, he is not of Honejiies minde, though I Willi it were otherwife. It is as good to bee affured of the home, as to bee made fure to an vnconftant heart, for they that looke for les fliall be difappointed. God forbid Honejlie ihould fay it were vnpoflible, that two may loue conftantly vnmarried feuen yeres ; but he may aboue that two fay, fuch are fcarce found in feauen ages. Walke but to Weftminfter, — a place, in faith, where conftancie is as little vfed as wit in Bedlam, — and yet there (I warrant you) you fliall haue your head tilled with tales The passionate Morrice. 91 of vnconftant louers. Goe, likewife, to Poules (a path as well haunted with hunters of honeftie as Kemps head is Ibmetimes peftered with knauerie), and blame Honijtie if there you heare not outcries of wauering wenches. Long lanes and broade ftreetes, little cottages and manner places, are at this day, by report, bolftred with naught fo much as with vnconftant mindes. Whereby, what through the forrowe Conftancies complainte moues, and the griefe honefties broken pate procures, it is great pittie wee Ihould not haue many knackes to knowe knaues by, and as many ligges to gird garifli girles with. I[n] peticoate lane is a pocket ful of new faflhions, the drift whereof is, that firft commers fhould be firft ferued ; but they meane no commers which enter not the placket. In Shooelane there is oi\e that felles running lether, the vertue whereof is maintained with liquor of a careles heart ; fo that hee or lliee that cannot play light of loue, lliall not be cuftomed there. Withdrawe your felues ^ to Crooked [' leaf G 4, back] lane, and, of Honefiies credite, you iliall finde more traps to catch Rats and Mice there, then conllant louers in Shordich Church at midnight. What Ihall I fay, fuice the art of Cony-catching hath foreftalled good inuentiou ? but tie on the diuell that driues fuch wits to fo bad a bargaine, as to be forft to fpend their time in no better ftudies. They haue need of good intelligencers that lliall intermeddle with trickes of Coning-lhifts ; for mine own part, I had rather wade to the middle in Loues whirle-poole, then to the anckles in the brooke of vnconftancie. And yet, force perforce, by Loues appoyntment, I muft haue a fling at her followers. Let them flye to the gallowes, for Honejlie, that loues her fo well ; and my fling will driue them to a worfe place, vnlefl!e they leaue her. Vp hill and downe hill is a very troublefome labour 5 but vp the ladder and downe tlie rope ends many ones miferie. What fteeper way then to the height of alfe6tion ? and how many often poll vp and down betweene that and the valley Likings-recantation. ' T recant' now a dales foUowes Loues heeles like his fliadowe; it is a halting crack- halter, and a hurtfull hinderloue, and bell he fliall be knowne by his Ilumpe foote. I meane not a mifliapen ledge, but a relting loue, that either makes fuch a full poynt in the beginning, as he can goe no further, or els thuuls at a flay two or three quarters, not knowing 92 The passionate Morrice. whether it were beft to goe forwards or backwards. Extreames are as daungerous as ftretches : for, as many ioynts are out-fet or crackt by the one, fo many vncurable hurts are receiued by the other. HonejUe thinkes a feuen nights fpace is too Ihort a time to fallen a true louers knot 3 but he that out Hayes the moneth, may learne as much in that time as is needful! to be knowne. A longer time is pleating to them that haue barres to hinder their forwardnes, but he that may goe on without hinderances, if hee aimes at a longer refpite, take it on Hoiiejties word, hee workes but vpon aduantage. They that build their atfeftion vpon reafon, are like to remaine moll: conllant ; for L' sig. H] ^ where a condition of profite binds the futors, there a long day will not likely be broken. But this reafon craues wifedonie, the experi- ence whereof mull awaite on Loues followers, the pra6tife being nothing but this, a care in our choyce to maintaine the maine chaunce. That is, that they which haue little, doe fancie none but fuch as haue fomewhat, and they that haue nothing, either to match with fuch as haue enough to ferue themfelues and others, or els to lit ftill in the chimney corner. Al muft meafure their liking according to the depth of their delire, to the end they may liue with content- ment, which will (I warrant you) nourifli conftancie. Now foUoweth another fort, which are not the leall enemies Loue hath, being our common courting lads, who take fuch pleafure in their pregnant wits, and (o great glorie in their readie tongues, as a wench cannot peepe forth the doores, but they muft haue a fling at her beautie. Firft comes, 'faire ladie, God faue you'j and then foUowes, that the fight of fuch a blazing Commet makes them Hand at the gaze, for that fuch lights are feldome feene. After, enfues their application, falling from the celeftiall creatures to their earthly God- delTes, extolling their beauties to fuch a height, as, when they can goe no further, hauing forgotten their way backwards, they fall downe headlong, breaking the necke of Good reafon. Then come they to the good parts of their bodies, and from thence to a fupernaturall view of their hidden vertues, building vpon the prouerbe, A /aire face cannot haue a crabbed heart, though many of them find by ex- perience, but crabbed entertainment to proceede from thofe their celeftial obie6ts j yet the moft, what through their quicke conceipts, falfe proteftations and vfuall reforting into their companies, bring The passionate Morrice. 93 many into fach a fooles paradice, as they harpe on nothing but manage. And maruell not, feeing we haue many fo forward wenches, that if a man looke but earneftly vpo« them, they thinke verely hee is inamoured of their beautie ; but fhal he fpeake, and fay he loues them, " my father, my mother, ^ and all my friends muft be [' sig. H, back] made priuie to his proceedings, for I know he will haue me." Alas! light hearts that are lead away with euery kinde blaft 5 know ye not that our age flowes with fine wits, that muft borrow their praftife of fuch like patients? Doe not many men cheapen, that meane not to buy ? & think you to want fuch cuftomers ? How many come into a Faire with neuer a farthing in their purfes, and yet for fofliion fake will afke the price of a coftly peece of worke ! Our tongues ftand vs in little charges for reparations ; and feeing they weare not, we will not fpare to wagge them. But this is beft knowne to you women, whom nature bindes to the greateft pra6tice, hauing giuen you no other weapon ; yet, I may tell you, men cannot want that inftrument, efpecially in their wooing matters. But did many of both kindes vfe it lefle, both you and they iliould fpeede neuer the worfe, for you fliould milfe of many fond faithles fpeeches, and they fliould march without as many kinde hit-home floutes. They fliould not, playing with the fire, be burnt with the flame, and remaine helples through your careles pitie ; nor Ihould you be intrapt in tlie fnares of their fmoothe words, decreafing your glorious beauty by hopeles conceites of obtaining your willied happines. Many honefl mindes taken at their words, are bound to bad bar- gaines, when, on the contrarie part, a crackt credit regardes neither his own reputation or anothers welfare. How eafie is a free horfe tired, a good edge-toole fpoyled, and a kinde heart furfeited ? A dull iade will rather be fpurde to death then breake his pace ; and with a bad knife we may alfay to cut any thing, without dooing it much harme ; but woe bee vnto that heart, whole mildenes makes it felfe fubie£t to a counterfeit kindnes. You fliall fighe forth your forrow, while they fmile at their good fuccelfe ; they, building their aflurance of being no lofers on your good difpofitions, that feme for ftables to reft their hopes in ; your good natures muft bee but roumes for hacknies that neuer knowe their mafters, and your kinde '^hearts to [=sig. Hz] feme for mangers to feede their bad conceites. Their trotting Ihall Q4 The passionate Morrice. faften to your heads heapes of proclamations, the claufes whereof fliall breede thoufand of doubted miferies, and ten thoufands of care- full heartbreakings. Their counterfeit frendfliip lliall hinder faithfull and louing proceedings, hurting affeftion by hindring it from it defarte, with keeping it from receiuing the due of requitall. That booties conftancie lliall banilli faithfull loyaltie by crabbed crolTes, and purchafe to it felf, through a haples conclufion, a cart-loade ot carefull extremities. True-meaning thereby fhall be deceaued on both fides, and kind-heartednes plagued with ouer-furefet afFe6lion. Loue llial be banded away with the racket of diffimulation, and beaten at laft into the hazard Defpaire by his fporting enemie. What a great loffe will followe fuch a chafe, and how great expence of hearts griefe mull enfue fo fliroude a game, geffe you, that lie condemned in the like charges. Onely Honpjiie pitties fuch a paftim.e that ends with fo fmal pleafure, and wil now come to giue you warning of what he hath feene happen in the like cafes of little confcience. There was one of this focietie that had fo courted vp a wench, as through a potion of pleafure he had giuen her, her belly rofe like a blowne bladder. Belly round fhe was, fo that, through his craft, her credit ftoode vpon crackings which the perceauing, entreated her phifition, that as hee had tailed of her curtefie, fo he would faue her honeftie, declaring that ihe was with childe, as the truth was. ' Of my faith (quoth he), what care I ? You might haue tooke better heede ; you are bell: to make halte and get a fiither for it.' ' I hope (an- fwered flie) you will not feme me fo; are thefe your faire promifes ? and can your vowes bee fo flightly paffed ouer ? Haue you not made loue to me by the fpace of a quarter, being vied kindly of mee, and can you finde in your heart thus cruelly to requite my extraor- dinarie fauour, putting me to fliiftes in this extremilie ? Is it poffible [I siK. H 2, your profeffed whot loue fliould be fo foone cold, or that ' your large ^^""^^ promifes fliould turne to fo little performance ? I cannot thinke you, being a man, can be fo cruell as to call away a poore maiden.' 'Away, beall (quoth he), thy perfwafions are as booties as thy thoughts; and I am allured thou art not fo fooliih as to build of any thing I haue faide, or of that I haue done, but as of a iell ; if thou The passionate Morrice. 95 dooft, it will be a bad foundation ; ' and with that, he flong forth of the dores, leauing my maimed-maide in a bad taking. Doe you tearme fuch dooing iefting ? thought Ilouefiie ; if Chancers iapes were fuch ieftes, it was but bad fporte ; well, a fporte it was, though it proued a fure earneftj and who knowes not that fvveete meates craue fowre fauce ? Her laughing lye-downe came to fad rifing-vp, a flirewde fporte to turne to fuch forrie paftime ; and if fuch an earneft penny cannot binde a bargaine, nought wil holde the like chapmen but a halter. Now, Tiborne and Wapping waite on fuch for Porters, as pofl to markets, fo to iefl: with lac'ft-mutton. If faying had been all, fliee had beene foolilh indeede to haue regarded a fooles fpeeches ; but, feeing he crept fo farre into credit with her, as he crackt her placket lace, how could he of confcience call that iefting ? Doth Honejlie talke of confcience to Buls bailiffes, that haue no care of any thing but to faue their caflbkes from being his purchafe ? Now, fie of all the Beadles of Bridewell, if they fpare fuch a fporter comming vnder their corre6tion, without double the dole they punifli one of Baals common Prieftswith. I would their blewe coates might ii\\\ to be Hlndes fees, vnleffe they giue fuch foure luftie lalhes at euery kennell and ftreets corner they palTe by. Why, vnder the cloake of honeft fatifta6tion, to allure an honeft minde to lewde corruption, is no lelTe thefte then robbing of Churches ; onely the Clarkes confent feemes in the one to craue fome tolleration ouer it doth in the other. Then you will fay they deferue both to be hanged, and fo would Honejlie fay, but that their chriftianity merites charitie. But, of my troth, if Honejlie were a luftice, fuch as fue after the felfe- fame order, fliould either marrie with ihe?n they ^ haue deceiued, or [i sig. H 3] hang without them, my minion going vnpuniflhed, for that time in hope of amendment. Loue is a kinde hart, and mariage is a fweete baitC] what, then, will not fuch promifes gaine of a faithfull louer? This iefting turnes to lingring loue, when the weakeft hath furfeited in afteftion. Sweet fpeeches haue vowed euerlafting conftanciej and running in the pleafant meddowe of kindenes, it growes luftie, fpend- ing the remnant of his wooing to winne vnto fuch bad fare 3 courting endes with fuch a charge, changing profeifed loue into burning luft. Loue lookes to be maintained with kindenes, and when he hath got g6 The passionate Morrice. what wordes can afFoorde, then falles he to ielling, which turns contrary to Chancers meaning, to the fatiffying of a leachers lufl: in earnell. But too too much of this, except it were better j and once more returne we to our melanchoUy lefte marde maide. She, poore foule, fet fo hghtly by in her fortie weekes reckoning, fo thought on her prefent hard hap, as fhe quite forgot her accompt, wherby now llie was in a worfe taki?2g then before 5 for if, being put to her othe, fhe fliould miffe of that, his counter othe would make but a fo fo end for her ; and, therefore, thus flie beftirred her felfe in the matter. She made her cafe knowne to a freend, and, falling downe vpon her knees, entreated him, for the paflion of our Lady, to ftand good helpe vnto her, to draw her mate to marry with her. Who, being a very honell man that had fome care of her credit, laboured fo effettually in the matter, as, what through promifes and a peece of money, he made it a match ; fo that, what through a little honeftie my man was endued with, and a peece of money my maiden was endowed with, we had a choptlodgicke. Now, woe vnto fuch wooed fpoufes, if their mates want altogether honeftie, and they haue no money J and this might haue, perchaunce, wonne the ftanding in a white fheete without fo good a maifter. Take heede, girles, how you truft to fuch helpes, for Honeftie can tell you they are not ordinarie. It is harder to tinde one fuch in euery parifhe through a Countrie, [' sig H 3, ' then to finde a honeil woman in a houfe of Weftminfters Hof- pitalitie. Alas ! how many honeft mens children come to decay through this pradife ? Talke with any corrupted Virgine; and, excepting one amongft twentie, if they all not agree that fuch entice- ments were the procurers of their miferie, neuer beleeue Honeftie for a halfepennie. Beware if a rich manage be offered for a rewarde of breache of honeftie ; there are fewe that will not confent to leacherie with fuch briberie. But the opening of an other wound remaines, with which loue is hurt by his courting enemies, for they which haue beene once deceiued by flatterie, will hardly be drawen to beleeue finceritie, whereby the faithfull futor is hindred from his due. The beaten dogge fliuns the ftick 3 the tormented patient feares the Pothecaries drugs; the childe that hath beene fore whipt for a fault, will feare, by offending, to hazard his breeche. Who is more warie of his wel- The passionate Morrice. 97 fare, then he that hath been in greateft extremitie ? and if loue hath been wounded with a dilfembled alFeftion, he will be afraide to enter into an a6lion from whence the hke forrowe may flowe. What giues greater hope of conftancie, then v'owed loyahy ? or what feemes fweeter then fugered flatterie ? Affe6tion fpringeth of kinde vfage, and loue fettles on a continued Ihewe of profefled zeale, which, being fare fet, cannot be remoued without great danger, except wile- dome be a helper. What forrowe danger brings, and what care dif- contentment harboureth, he knowes not. But of the vnceafing harts- greefe, with the tormenting foure-fauce which feafoneth the deftruc- tion of entire afFedtion, none can iudge, faue thofe that haue tafted thereof; onely it may be imagined by the effedls that haue followed tlie like caufes (as by the vntimely death it hath brought to fome, a depriuation of their wits to others, languilhing difeafes to many ; namely, the greene ficknes, the mother, and fuch like; and laftly, to all mad melancholye fits), that they which are fauoured with the leaft mifliap that comes through want of their longing, are rewarded ^ with [i leaf H 4I the lolfe of a prefent wel-fare, hauing that fupplyed by a gifte of fighing heauines. Now, after the freedome from fuch a mifcheefe, who will not fweare to flie from the like danger ? And fince flatterie cannot, without dangerous triall, be knowen from faithfull freendlLip, who will not Ihunne both, fearing to miflake the one for the other ? If a kinde hart hath beene deceiued by a crooked knaue, clad in the robes of a courteous louer, flie will euer after miftrutl the habite, for that it is vnpoffible to know the hart. Who can forbid the Tailor to vfe his arte? and doo you thinke that any one for an aduantage will let to trie his crafte ? The Diuell can change himlelfe into any Ihape ; and the onely meanes to knowe him (as is faide before), is his (lumpe foote. Liking wil not be long a dooing ; and loue that followes is but little, whereby he brings no great harme ; but al the milcheefe comes with deiire, which fwelles the atf'eftions, and predominates ouer loue and liking ; he makes the mif-rule, and keeps the open Chriftmas ; he defires the fporte, and maintaines the paftime, fo that, though he be long in comming, and ftaies but little in his Lordlhip, yet the re- membrance of his iolitie is not forgotten a long time after. He keepes his cuftome euery yeere ; and a yeere with him is but a Ihort SHAKSPKRE's ENGLAND : TELL-TROTH. 7 9 8 The passionate Morrice. fpacej fo that after he comes to his full age, he makes many Chrift- maffesj for Delire is not lliort lined. It is therefore this lingring lone that dooth all the harme, becaufe by him Delire is onely begotten. He that, beating the market, is willing to buye, will not ftand long a bargaining when he hath met with his liking, for feare a francker cuftomer Ileppe betweene him and his longing ; but if he be careles, he will not deale without a good penniworth. Very eafily, then, is the mifcheefe of repentance taken from women, feeing a true-mean- ing futor may be as quickly difcerned, as a careles chapman may be perceiued. And how fondly doo they entrude themfelues into the needles hazard of great dilcontent, that will let their loue runne fo [i!eafH4, farrc without reafon, as it ^cannot be called backe without great back] 1 /- 11 greefe at the leaft. Though a buyer be not able to giue the feller his afking, yet will he be earneft to haue it at fuch a price as he doth offer J and, although this louing cuftomer be not of abilitie to anfwere thy freends expedation, yet lliall he not be forward to be poffeired of thee ; he is but a watcher for aduantages. So that if either his abihtie be fuch, as of himfelfe he can maintaine thee, or be thy poflibilitie fo great, as by his good endeuour he may winne a liuing, thy freends good will, by the pofTeffion of thee, thy aft'edion is too too colde, it thou keepes him lingring without his longing ; and liis deuotion is fmall, if he be not an vnceafing futor for it. And truely, in Honejiies minde (and pardon me, I pray you, with whofe conceipts it iumpes not), thofe matches fhall prol'per beft, where loue is rather refpeited then wealth j prouided there be a care had of the likelyhoode of poflibilitie which muft come with one of them. But Ihall one that hath nothing, ioyne louing iffue with an other that hath, or is like to haue as little, he hauing no meanes to make a liuing, he fhewes himfelf to be a foolifli follower of repent- ance, and an vncharitable procurer of an others wretchednes ? There are many good wits, that, wanting matter to worke on, wade into the triall of dangerous conclufions, which otherwife being imployed, would become prolitable members of a common wealth. All cannot be heires, and many yonger brothers children are but barely left, though they haue had good bringing vp, which nothing hinders their gentrie, onely, now a dales, it is a barre to their preferment. For men wil fooner match their daughters with my yong maifter, a rich Coblers The passionate Morrice. 99 Sonne, though they be their heires, then with a Gentleman of a good hoiife, being a yonger Brother. Heerby comes tlie decay of ancient gcntilitie, and this the making of vpftart houfes ; heerby, thofe that liaiie had good bringing vp, mufl either goe to plough and carte, being drudges to fuch drones, or their natures, difdaining that, and more abhorring to begge, leade them to lewde praftifes to maintaine ^ the [' sig. I] ftate of their birth. And did you. Fathers, which are to match your Children, know the hart-breakings many parents (which haue beene of your mindes) haue found by triall, then would the feare of vnciuill behauiour, which fpringeth by fucceflion from their carterly pro- genitors, turne your greedie defire of golden gaine, to a ioyfull gaining of your pofterities happines. But fie of couetoufnes, that is the roote of ail mifchiefe 3 for men tliat haue enough to make their Daughters Gentlewomen, by match- ing them with houfes of no fmall antiquitie, will, with the defire they haue therevnto, wooe men of great lining with large offers, to match their fons and heires with them ; Who, being drawen therunto, will vfe them their wiues meetely well during the life time of their owne and wiues Fathers, for that their eftates are by their great portions better maintained, and their befl freends thereby well pleafed. But let your Daughters beware, after your and their Fathers death (when all hope is taken away of a further gaine, and a fearch made of their aunceftors alliance), for then, feeing the bafenes of your pettigree, and the noble defcents of their predeceflTors, that corruption of blood which you, with your corruption of money, hath made, and their Fathers couetoufnes hath purchafed to their fucceflion, will (as for the moll parte it doth in the like cafes) moue fuch hartbreakinges, as either quarrelles of diuorcement or futes of feparation will furely follovve. When, on the contrary parte, if refpefting gentrie, thereby to aduaunce your houfes, you would match the?/? with Gent, yonger brothers (of whom there ought to be lefle regarde, the chiefe houfe being main- tained), your Daughters portions being the onely maintenance of their efl;ates, would be fo llrong a helpe to encreafe their affedion towards your children, with purchafed happines to their pofterities, as knowing no houiholde quarrelles can be without charges, they willbe glad to ftudie to encreafe the fweetenes of vnitie, thereby to continue euerlafting profperitie to their following ages. loo The passionate Morrice. [I sig. I, ^ Honejtie kiiowes what the fairing-monger will faye, when he fliall heare of one fo flat againft his opinion touching manages, not letting to affirme that it is moft neceflarie that the confent of parents fhould be laft fued for, and little regarded in refpe6t of loue, efpeciallye feeing his Pamphlet buildes fo diuinelye on farre-fetcht arguments to proue the contrarie. Therfore, to preuent him, and to prouide againft the great danger their matches-making procure, Honejtie uwiH tell him, and aflure all thofe that are of his minde, that were the worlde like vnto that wherein Abraham liued, or were Fathers of thefe daies of his difpofition, his argument drawen from the gift of Euah to Adam, by God, and fuch like, might feeme to proue fome thing. But, feeing thefe times in efFe6l are quite contrary to thofe, and the difpofitions of men in our daies altogether difagreeing to theirs of that age, his time had beene better fpent in a worke to fome other purpofe. For a little to feeme to flie from my matter, and to haue a fling at him : how many Fathers now a daies are there fo carefull of prouiding con- uenient mates for their children at a feafonable time as our great Grand- father Abraham was ? Againe, how manye haue children that are fo obedient to bend their loue to their Parents liking as was 7/aac ? Oh, Sir, you are deceaued, our yong ones are of riper wits, and far for- warder then Children were in thofe daies, and our ulde ones are of more couetous mindes, and far forwarder to be drawen to their childrens good ; for what greater good then to enioye them they loue ? and what will olfend our parents more then to entreat that he fent his feruant to fearch forth one of his next kinne, not to enquire after one that had moft wealth; and fliould fome children entertaine no loue in our time vntill their parents procured it, nor fue for a match before their freends made it, it were requifite their honeftie fhould be great, or I knowe what will follow. Yet, againe, Fathers line not now adaies ordinarily aboue a hundred yeeres, whereby they [2 sig. 1 2] haue a long la^fting gouernement ouer their Children 3 but beholde it is far contrary, and therefore it requires contrary proceedings. And laftly (for that I will not be long at this time in this matter), the holy writ beares not fuch fway in our confciences, as it workt wonders in theirs of thofe daies; and therefore, to helpe our weaknes in the want of that warrant, we muft vfe the meanes — loue — to drawe vs to that euerlafting happines. The passionate JMorrice. loi But once more to my courting companions, to make as fpeedic an end with them, whofe haire-braine fancying and fickle afFeftion is no fmall hindrance to loues proceedings. Honefde, hauing fet downe the meanes to finde out tiieir knauerie, hath alfo prouided a batte to beale downe fuch flatterie, the inftruement to finde out their dillimulation being a fearch into their lingring, and the clubbe to match their clubbe feete, a loathing of their company. But to come to the punifliment I would haue fuch to be plagued with : in my opinion, and by Hotiejlies doome, they are worthie to be fet for fcarre-crowes in newe fowen fieldes ; and the rather thus goes my iudgement, for that feeing they are fo fkilfuU to doo harme in townes and cities, if that bad-ufed wit were forft to be imployed about that commodious doo-good, they would inuent excellent meanes to preuent the fpoyle the rauenous birds commit. Their pregnant wits and cunning deuices to catch womens affeftions, that farre exceede crowes in reafon and difcretion, confirme they would be ftrange, and therefore profitable ; yet, becaufe it is fomewhat too bace, though their pradifes are as beaftly, I will ende with them with this refolution : — That they are as worthie to ftand in white-theetes in Churches, for leaning women in defperate cafes, hauing drawen them into that fooles paradice of ouer-paffionate affeftion, as they that poyfon ftrangers bellies; This would make faithful! tutors happie, conftant louers ioyfuU, and courting dififemblers feareful. Honeftie, hauing noted thefe enormities harbored in lewde difpo- fitions flmffled into this Morrice, at lafl: lent ^ his eares, and befliowed [> sig, i 2, r back] his eyes, ioyning with him his beft vnderftanding, to fearch mto the natures of the, remnant, to fee whether the multitud were mixed with thefe in bad conceits. But, behold, fo contrarie praftizes were per- formed by them, as thofe proceedings are difagreeing to the further- ance of perfe6t vnitie. Amongft thefe did I beholde Lone dandled with fweete mufick, and conftant affection vpholden with modeft demeanour. The foueraignes of Virginitie difplayed their heaucnly dignitie, by the imperiall colours of matchles beautie, grounde with the Ambrtjian oyle of celeftiall courtefie ; and the matronly deities proued their ethereall diicreetnes, in following the heauens pre- fcriptiow for Loues true imitation. I faw Kindenes matched whh Goodwill, Affedion linked vnto Liking, &: Lone embraced with 102 The passionate Morrice. Loyaltie, Vertue leading tliew to eternall happines. They liked not for a moment, loued not vpon aduantage, nor wooed but with a good intention. Thefe fhaked not hands with hatefull hearts, nor vfed fmoothe tongues with diffembling thoughts. They courted not kindely, to corrupt fliamefully, ne protefted with vowes, to wound with wordes, and kill with deeds ; but hand and heart went together^ and the tongue vttered their paflionate conceites ; their heart louing them as faithfully as their tongue labored to winne their courtelie. And you no earthly creatures, though ioyned with men for their eternall good (you heauenly faints, I meane, mafliing in the fha- dowes of terreftriall fliapes), you beautifie this crue with your deuine motions, whofe mindes are onely inritched with the true wifdome that vpholdes Loues welfare. Your facred actions ayde his fimple followers, & naught but your carefuU kindnes binds mens weake affe6tions from vnconftancie. You make their praiers effeftuall, their requeft gayning through you the fafetie of their longing. Your pittie brings them to pietie, and your almes relieues them from thecaptiuitie of Defpaire. Deftreffed Hone/lie is foly harbored within your milke- white bofomes, and were it not for your bountifuU charitie, his end [I s;g. I 3] 1 would be tormenting beggerie. Your allablafler pappes do wholy minifler moifture to my confuming welfare, and from their fugered teates doe I onely drawe my liquor of life, fo that by your motherly kindnes to decaying Honeftie, they reape likewife their blilfe, that would giue mee my baine ; recouering contrarie to their wils the remaynder of their weale. For how marcheth the paflionate fouldier, without you found the alarome of his good-fpeede ? or, how fareth the amorous gallant, except you play the galliard of acceptance ? Vn- fortunate eyes, your pearcing fightes flial be cruelly curft, and vnnaturall vfage fliall be offered to your obedient hearts 3 for feeing and adoring celeftiall obiedls, vnles their relenting pittie take mercie on your deftrefled abie6ts. And blafpheming tongue, thy vnbridled impudencie fhall heape vpon thy owne back a bundle of vntoUerable miferies, by being forced to vtter execrable flaunders againft them for their hard hearts, that were purchafed to worke your hard happe through your owne iniurious follie. Paflions of difcontent muft pleafe your fancies, and forrowfull poems muft grace your mufick ; deep fighes mufl: ftraine your heart-ftrings, and direfuU forrowe lull The passionate jNIorrice. 103 you a fleepe, when vifions of new deftreffes mufl: dilquiet your grcatefl happines, and dreames of frefh vexations forbid you the lead cafe. You fliall fue in vaine, becaufe you haue deUghted in vaniiie j and hope without obtaining, for that your heart haue harbored diffembling, except thcfe goddeffes, whofe goodnes is vnfpeakable, vouchfafe to minifter a plaller of pitty to your louing pietie. It is their courtefie that muft make you chereful, and their good conceits muft cherilli your dying mirth j their Hking muft honour your atTe6tion, and their gratefull kindnes mull aduance the zeale of your protefted loyahie. It is in their choyfe to change your chance, and in their power to bridle Fortune ; for that the Fates, being their fifters, are at their calles to fet downe your deftinies. If they fay they doe hate you, beware, for they can hurt you ; but if they affirme they loue you, ftriue to con'tinue your prefent happines, and feare to lofe the prof- [• sig. 1 3, backj fered bleflednes. Why are women accounted weake, but becaufe their nature is pure ? Or, wherefore are they neceirarie, but that men cannot Hue without their companie ? When we are fuccorles, they comfort vs : being melancholy, they chcere vs ; and they are the meanes to redeeme vs from the gates of hell. Being mad, their muficall tongues chafe away the euill fpirits ; being bewitched, their loue charmes the tormenting diuelsj and being fwallowed vp by the gulfe licentioufnes, the heauens haue created them the helpe to redeeme vs from that hellifli furnace Thus much for their power; & now, a little of their properties. O, facred mercie (neuer more honored then in the pittifuU bofomes of thefe feminine deities), thou holds thy chief harborow within their paflionate bofomes, & only art nouriflied in their relenting harts. Thou fingft within the clofets of their pittifuU confciences, & reioyceft within the caftles of their celeftiall foules j thou liuefl: with them fecure, and makes through them multitudes of miferable wretches pofleffors of the higheft happines. Thou heares the fighes of fuing fweet-hearts, & comforts the pinching griefe of pining loners. Thou meditates of their vowes, and ftudies to requite their carefull affe6tion with kindeft curtefie. Thou pittieft the foolilli maladies of fond nouices, & forroweft at the weaknes of many mens wifdome. Thou ftriueft to do no wrong, that thou maift be free from iniurie ; and labours to fliunne fufpeft, that thou maift bee without mifdoubt. 1 04 The passionate Morrice. Thou ftudieft to repay, that thoumaift reape thydiiej and keepeft thy day, that thou maill: bee well dealt with. Yea, much more, and fo much the better for man ; thou pitties them that would fpoile thee, and forgiues them that would hurt thee ; thou wifliefl them well that would bereaue thee of thy weale, & loueft them (which is thy only fault), ouer entirely that efleeme of thy proffered kindnes too too carelelly. Yet let difcretiora haue the fecond place with you, for fhe guides them by reafon, and that gouerns men with wifdome. [I leaf I 4] She knowes when to charme with ^ fweete melodic, and when to cor- redl with louing perfwalions ; flie vfeth to dandle vertue, and reproue vice, to embrace good and flie from euill, and willingly to fubied obedient imitation to holfome counfell, as alfo dutifully to defire libertie from ftooping to inlurious doftrine. Shee fearcheth into the depth of fubiefted feruife, and difcouering whether it be offered of curtefie, or proffered of knauerie, regards it according to it value, and rewardes it with it full worth. She teacheth to like ere they loue, and louing to encreafe, or deminilli the heate of their fancie, accord- ing to the proportion of kinde coales that nouriflieth the fire of their afteftion. She perfwadeth to launce, courting to the bones to finde out the danger ; and feeing what likelyhoode, either of weale or woe is likeft to enlue ; lliee flieweth them what is good to withdrawe the putrified liking, and what is holfome to preferue the found loue. And file ftudies to make them happie, by wifliing men their welfare to make them conftant, by endeuoring to encreafe a fparke of loyaltie, and to make them honored by inftru6ling them in the true rules of modeftie. And now ftep in further, thou beautifying modeftie ; /or thou addeft no fmall renoune to their adored natures, nor doth thy balli- fulnes meanely adorne their highly prifed excellencies ; thy rofie bluflhes bring no fmall honor to their admired beauty ; nor euer dies that facred ftayning colour, vntil by mans corruption that maidenly marke be extinguiflied. Yet then (but, ah ! that man fliould do fo much !) thy decent fobrietie aduanceth the dignity of their womanly chaftitie, and thy matronly behauiour difplayeth the soueraintie of their motherly nurture. Thou giues examples that, imitated, preuent occa- fions of enticing offers to draw to folly, and efcapes the iniurious flanders of fufpitious fearchers, thai hunt after fliewes of feufuality. Thou main- The passionate Morrice. 105 taineft peace at home, efcapeft fufpea abroade, and keepeft thy louers heart from harboring ieloufie, the chiefe procurer of grcateft miferie. And thou gained liking, and encreafeft affeftion, receiuing loue and loyaUie with an alfuVed pledge of neuer-dying conftancie. Neither i^^^( i 4. art thou, euerlafting goddes, a ftranger to mens-helpers ; for thou, with all the vertues, waite vpon thefe beautiful fpeftacles, and they, with the Graces, extol thofe the earths miracles. Their praifes are vnfpeakeable, for that their worth is vnualuable and their defartes vnrequited, becaufe through mans weakenes mifprifed ; but lucli and fo great were the adorned excellencies of thefe humaine deities, as their pra6lifes layde open their princely courtefie, and their perform- ances made their louers happie. And men reioyced through their faithfull atie6tion ; ftudying to requite womens euerlafting kindnes with the reward of neuer-ceafing conftancie. Men vfed heauenly wifdome to obtaine liking, and carefuU behauior to confirme loue being purchafed; and women were forward to beftowe modeft kindnes, being faithfully dealt withall, and eftetlually requited proffered curtelie.j neither being too too coye, or flaewing themfelues ouer for- ward to be wonne. But briefly, and fo to end : euery one of them rendred like for like with proofes of neuer-altering affe6tion, they thereby gaining vuto themfelu[e]s the fugred fweetnes of celeftiall amitie, & tying vnto their kinde thoughts, the affeftions of their well-willers, with euerlafting conftancie. FJNIS. TOM TEL-TROTHS MESSAGE, AND HIS PENS COM- PLAINT. A ivorke not vupleasant to be read, nor vnprojitable to be fol- lowed. Written by Jo. La. Gent. Nidlam in correcto crimine crimen erit. LONDON. Imprinted for R. Hoivell, and are to be sold at his shop, neere the great North doore of Paules^ at the signc of the white horse. 1600. [p. 5l TO THE WORSIPFULL MASTER George Dowse, GENTLE- MAN, To. La.WISHETH FRVITI- on of eiuUesse felicitie. F writings may quittance benefits or goodwill, more then common curtesie, then accept, I beseech you, these first fruites of my barren braine, the token of my loue, the seale of my affection, and the true cogni7.auce of my vnfained affection. And for so- much as the plot of my Pamphlet is rude, though true, the matter meane, the manner meaner, let me humbly desire, though slenderly I deserue, to haue it patronized vnder the wings of your tliuourj in requitall whereof I will be. Yours euer to command, lo. La. [p. 6] TO THE GENTLEMEN READERS. IVdiciall Readers, wise Apolloes flocke, Whose eyes like keyes doe open learnings lockej Daigne with your eye-lampes to behold this booke. And in all curtesie thereon to looke : Thus being patronized by your view, I shall not be ashamed of his hew. O graunt my suite, my suite you vnderstand, That I may you commend, you me command. lo. La. TOM TEL-TROTHS Message, and his pens complaint. hou that didst earst Romes Capitall defend, [p. 7I Defend this sacred rehque of thy wing, And by thy power Diuine some succor send, To saue the same from carping Momus sting : That, hke a tell-troth, it may boldly blaze, And pensill-like paint forth a iust dispraise. [2] Goe, naked pen, the hearts true secretarie, Imbath'd in sable liquor mixt with gall. And from thy master these rude verses carrie. Sent to the world, and in the world, to all : In mournfuU verse lament the faults of men. Doe this, and then returne heart-easing pen. [3] Time sits him downe to weepe in sorrowes fell, [p. 8] 13 And Truth bewailes mans present wickednes ; Both Time and Truth a dolefull tale doe tell. Deploring for mans future wretchednes. 16 With teare-bedewed cheeks, help, help therfore. Sad tragicke muse, to weepe, bewaile, deplore. 18 []_ Mee thinks I see the ghost of Consciejice, 19 Raisde from the darke graue of securitie. Viewing the world, who once was banisht thence. Her cheeks with teares made wet, with sighs made dry : 22 And this did aggrauate her griefe the more. To see the world much worse than twas before. 24 10 12 1 1 2 Tom Tel-Troths Message, [5] • She wept ; I saw her weepe, and wept to see ^6 The salt teares trickling from her aged eyes ; Yea, and my pen, copartner needs would be. With black-inke teares, our teares to simpathize : 28 So long wee wept, that all our eyes were drie. And then our tongues began aloud to crie. 30 [6 Come, sad Melpomene, thou tragicke Muse, [p. 9] 31 To beare a part in these our doletuU cries ! Spare not with taunting verses to accuse The wicked world of his iniquities ! 34 Tell him his owne ! be bold, and not ashamed. Nor cease to speake till thou his faults hast blamed ! 36 L7. I seeme to heare resounding Ecchoes tailing, 37 Of misdemeanors raigning heere and there. And party-coloured Pyes on greene bowes prat ling, Of foolish fashions raging euerie where : 40 Then blame not my muse, what so ere she say. Sith birds and Ecchoes, mens fond faults bewray. 42 [s; O world, no world, but rather sinke of sinne. 43 Where bhnd and fickle Fortune Empresse raigneth ; O men, no men, but swine that lie tiierein, Among whom, vertue wrong'd by vice complaineth : 46 Thus world bad, men worse, men in world, worldly men. Doe giue occasion to my plaintife pen. 48 w. Sinne, like the monstra Hydra, hath more heads. [p. 10] 49 Then heauens hie roofe hath siluer-spangled starres. And in his lawes,^ mens soules to hell he leads. [i ortg-. lawes] Where fierie fiends meete them in flaming Charres : 52 This Pirate, like a Pilate, keepes each coast. Bringing his guests vnto their hellibli hoast. 54 and his pens complaint. 113 [lo" If all the earth were writing paper made, 55 All plowshares pens, all furrowes lines in writing. The Ocean inke, wherein the sea-nimphes wade. And all mens consciences were scribes inditing : 58 Too much could not be written of mans sinne, Since sinne did in the first man first begin. 60 [i I But as the Egyptian dog runs on the brinke 61 Of Nilus seuen-fold ouer-flowing fioud. And staying not, nowhere, nowhere doth drinke. For feare of Crocodiles which lurke in mudde : 64 So shall my pen runne briefly ouer all. Reciting these misdeeds which worke mans thral. 66 [l2 Nature, that whilome bore the chiefest sway. [p. 11] 67 Bridling mans bodie wilh the raignes of Reason, Is now inforc'd in vncoth walkes to stray, Exilde by custome, which encrocht through treason : 70 Instead of x\rt, Natures companion. Fancie with custome holdes dominion. 72 ['3" Ouid could testifie that, in his time. 73 Astraea fled from earth to heauen aboue. Loathing iniustice as a damned crime. Which she with equall poised schoales did proue : 76 And this pen in my time shall iustifie. That true religion is constrainde to flie. 78 ['4 The two leafe-dores of quondam honestie, 79 Which on foure vertues Cardinall were turned, By Cardinals degree and poperie. Are now as heretike-like reliques burned : 82 Now carnall vice, not vertue Cardinall, Plaies Christmas gambals in the Popes great hall. 84 SHAKSPEKE's ENGLAND : TELL-TKOTH. 8 1 1 4 Tom Tel-Troths Message, [^5] Well, sith the Popes name pops so filly in. [p. 12] 8^^ From Pope ile take the Latin P. away. And Pope shall with the Greeke it. then begin. Whose type and tippe that he may climbe ile pray : 88 Pray all with mee that he may climbe this letter ; For in this praier each man is his detter. 90 \\6 I passe not although with bell, booke, and candle. 91 His bald-pate Priests and shoren Friers curse ; My plaintife pen, his rayling text shall handle : Nor doe I thinke my selfe one iot the w^orse : 94 Yea, though my pen were in their Purgatorie, Yet should my pen hold on his plaintife storie. 96 Vi. Oh, what a world is it for one to see, 97 How Monkes and Friers would religious seeme ? Whose heads make humble congies to the knee. That of their humble minds all men might deeme : roo These be the sycophants, whose fained zeale Hath brought-in woe to euerie commonweale. 102 [i8] The Monkes, like monkies, hauing long blacke tailes, [p. 13] 103 Tell olde wines tales to busie simple braines ; The baudie Friers do hunt to catch females. To shriue and free them from infernall paines. 106 Thus Monkes and Friers, fire-brands of hell. Like to incarnate diuels with vs dwell. 108 \}9. But I as loath, so will I leaue to write, 109 Against this popish ribble rabble route. Hoping ere long some other will indite Whole volumes gainst their slander-bearers stout : 112 Poets and Painters meane while shall descry, With pens and pensils, their hypocrisie. 114 and his pens complaint. 115 [20] As thus my pen doth glance at euerie vice, 1 1 1 Needs must I heare poore Learnings lamentation. Which whilome was esteem'd at highest price. But now reiected is of euerie nation : 1 13 She loueth men, yet is shee wrong'd by men ; Her wronged loue giues matter to my pen. 120 [21] Pallas, the nurse of Nature-helping Art, [p- '4J m Whose babes are SchoUers, and whose cradels, schooles. From whose milch teates no pupils would depart, Till they by cunning shund the names of fooles : 124 She, euen she, wanders in open streetes, Seeking for schoUers, but no schoUers meetes. 1 2'5 [22] Englands two eyes, Englands two Nurceries, 127 Englands two nests, Englands two holy mounts, I meane, Englands two Vniuersities, Englands two Lamps, Englands two sacred founts, 130 Are so puld at, puld out, and eke puld downe. That they can scarce maintaine a wide sleeu'd gowne. 132 [23] Lately as one Came ore a Bridge, he saw 133 An OxE stand ore a Forde to quench his drouth : But lo, the Oxe his dry lips did withdraw. And from the water lifted vp his mouth. • 136 Like Tantalus, this drie Oxe there did stand : God grant this darke yEnigma may be scand ! 138 [Ml The Liberall Sciences, in number seauen, Iv- '5] 139 Which, in seauen ages, like seauen Monarchs raigned. And shin'd on earth as Planets seauen in heauen. Are now like Almesfolkes beggerly maintained, 142 Whilst in their roome, seauen deadly sins beare sway. Which makes these seauen Arts, like seauen slaues obey. 144 ii6 Tom Tel-Troths Message, Grammer, the ground and strong foundation 145 Vpon which Lady Learning builds her tower j Grammer, the path-way and direction That leadeth vnto Pallas sacred bovver, 148 Stands bondslaue-hke, of Stationers to be sold, Whom all in free Schooles erst might free behold. 150 [26] Add Rhetoricke, adornde with figures fine, 151 Trickt vp with tropes, and clad in comely speech. Is gone a Pilgrime to the Muses nine. For her late wrong assistance to beseech. 154 Now rich Curmudgions, best orations make. Whilst in their pouches gingling coyne they shake. 156 [27] Logiche, which like a whetstone sharpes the braine, [p. 16] 1^7 Logicke, which like a touch-stone tries the minde, Logiche, which like a load-stone erst drew gaine. Is now for want of maintenance halfe pindcj 160 And sith in Colledges no maides may dwell. Many from Colledges doe her expell. 162 [28] Musicke, I much bemourne thy miserie, 163 Whose well-tunde notes delight the Gods aboue. Who, with thine eare-bewitching melodie, Doest vnto men and beasts such pleasure moue : 166 Though wayling cannot helpe, I wayle thy wrong. Bearing a part with thee in thy sad song. 168 [29] ^n^^TWf^^ic^e, she next in number stands, 169 Numbring her cares in teaching how to number; Which cares, in number passing salt-sea sands, Disturbe her minde, and still her corps incumber : 172 Care addeth griefe, griefe multiplies her woe. Whose ebbe substracting, brings reducing floe. i 74 and his pens complaint. 117 [30] Geometrie, as seruile prentise bound [p. 17] '75 Vnto the Mother earth for many yeares. Hath long since meated out the massie ground. Which ground the impression of her foot-steps beares. 178 Great was her labour, great should be her gaine But her great labour was repaid with paine. 180 [31] Astronom'ie, not least though last, hath lost 181 By cruell fate her starre-embroidred coate ; Her spherie globe in dangers seas is tost. And in mishap her instruments doe floate : 184 All Almanacks hereof can witnesse beare. Else would my selfe hereof as witnesse sweare. 186 [32] But how should I with stile poeticall 187 Proceede to rime in meeter or in verse ? If Poetrie, the Queene of verses all. Should not be heard, whose plaint mine care doth pierce ? 190 Oh helpe, Apollo, with apologie. To blaze her vndeserued iniurie. 192 [33; Horace did write the Art of Poetrie, [p »8) '9Z The Art of Poetrie Virgill commended j Quid thereto his studies did applie. Whose life and death, still Poetrie defended'. 1^6 Thrice happie they, but thrice vnhappie I, They sang her praise, but I her iniurie. 198 [34] princely Poetrie, true Prophetesse, 199 Perfections patterne, Matrone of the Muses, I weepe to thinke how rude men doe oppresse And wrong thine Art with their absurd abuses. 202 They are but drosse, thine Art it is diuine. Cast not therefore thy pearles to such swine. 204 ii8 Tom Tel-Troths Message, l35^ The sugred songs that sweete Swannes vse to sing. 205 Floting adowne Meanders siluer shore. To countrie swaines no kinde of solace bring; » The winding of an home they fancie more. 208 No marueile then though Ladie Poetrie Doe suffer vndeserued iniurie. 210 I36-] Like to Batillus, euery ballet-maker, [p. ig] 211 That neuer climbd vnto Pernassj/s Mount, Will so incroach, that he will be partaker To drinke with Maro at the Castale fount. 214 Yea, more then this, to weare a lawrell Crowne By penning new gigges for a countrie clowne. 216 [37! When Marsias with his bagpipes did contend 217 To make farre better Musicke then Apollo : When Thameras in selfe conceit would mend The Muses sweete songs note, what then did follow ? 220 Conuicted both, to both this was assignde : The first was hangd, the last was stroken blinde. 222 [38] And may it happen to those bastard braines. 223 Whose base rimes striue to better Poetrie, That they may suffer like deserued paines. For these be thev that worke her infamie. 226 Thus hauing blazed false Poets in their hew. Deare Poetrie (though loth) I bid adiew. 228 l39\ As Poetrie in poesie I leaue, [p. 20] 229 I see seauen sinnes which crost seauen Liberall Arts, Which with their fained shew doe men deceaue. And on the wide worlds stage doe play their parts : 232 As thus men follow them, they follow men. They moue more matter to my plaintife pen. 234 and his pens complaint. 119 [40] These mincing maides and fine-trict truls, ride post ^35 1 Plutoes pallace, like purueyers proude ; Thither they leade many a damned ghost. With howling consorts carroling aloude : 238 And as one after one they post to hell. My plaintife pen shall their abuses tell. 240 [41] l"ir.st praunceth Pride with principalitie. 241 (iuarded with troupes of new-found fashions: I ler hand-maides are Fancie and Vanitie : These three a progresse goe throughout all nations ; 244 And as by any towne they passe along, People to see them gather in a throng. 246 [42] Now fine-ruft Ruffines in their brauene [p 21] 247 Make cringing cuts with new inuention : New-cut at Gardes brings some to beggarie. But this new-cut brings most vnto destruction : 250 So long they cut, that in their purse no groate They leaue, but cut some others purse or throate. 252 [43; Bedawbd with gold like Apideius Asse, 253 Some princk and pranck it : others, more precise. Full trick and trim tir'd in the looking-glasse. With strange apparell doe themselues disguise. 256 But could they see what others in them see. FoUie might flie, and ihey might wiser bee. 258 [44] Some gogle with the eyes, some squint-eyd looke. »59 Some at their fellowes, squemish sheepes-eyes cast. Some turne the whites vp, some looke to the foote, Some winke, some twinke, some blinke, some stare as fast. 262 The summe is infinite ; eye were a detter. If all should answere I, with I the letter. 204 1 20 Tom Tel-Troths Message, [45] Many desire to foote it with a grace, [p 22] a6jj Or Lion-like to wallce maiesticall : But whilst they striue to keepe an equipace, Their gate is fooUsh and phantasticall. 268 As Hobby-horses, or as Anticks daunce, So doe these fooles vnseemely seeme to praunce. 270 [46] I will not write of sweatie, long, shag haire, 27^ Or curled lockes with frisled periwigs : The first, the badge that Ruffins vse to weare. The last, the cognisance of wanton rigs. 274 But sure I thinke, as in Medusaes head. So in their haires, are crauUing Adders bred. 276 [47] Men, Proteus-\\^e, resemble euery shape, 277 And like Camelions euery colour faine ; How deare so ere, no fashion may escape The hands of those whose gold may it attaine : 280 Like ebbe and flow, these fashions goe and come. Whose price amounteth to a massie summe. 282 [48] The sharp-set iawes of greed ie sheeres deuoure, [p. 23] 283 And seaze on euery cloath as on a pray. Like Atropose cutting that in an houre, Which weauers Lachese-Yxke wrought in a day. 286 These snip-snap sheeres, in al shieres get great shares, And are partakers of the dearest wares. 288 [49] When fig-tree leaues did shroude mans nakednesse, 289 And home-spun cloath was counted clothing gay. Then was mans bodie clad with comelinesse, And honour shrouded was in rude array : 292 But since those times by future times were changed. Thousands of fashions through the world hnue ranged. 294 and his pens complaint. 121 [50] Ambitious thoughts, hearts haughtie, niindes aspiring, 295 Proud lookes, fond gates, and what not vndescreete. As seruauts waite, mens bodie still atyring With tar-tctcht gevvgawes for yong children meete : 298 Wlierewith whilst they themselues doe daily decke, Brauado-wi»e ihey scorne to brooke the checke. 300 Some cou.'t winged sleeues like Mcrcurie, [p- 24) 301 Others, round hose much like to Fortunes wheele (Noting thereby their owne vnconstancie). Some weare short cloakes, some cloakes that reach their heele. 304 These Apish trickes vsde in their daily weedes. Bewray phantasticke thoughts, fond words, foule deedes. 306 Bold Bettresse braues and brags it in her wiers, 307 And buskt she must be, or not bust at all : Their riggish heads must be adornd with tires. With Periwigs, or with a golden Call. " 310 Tut, tut, tis nothing in th'Exchange to change Monthly, as doth the Moone, their fashions strange. 312 [53] It seemes, strange birds in England now are bred, 313 And that rare fowles in England build their nest, When Englishmen with plumes adorne their head. As with a Cocks-combe or a Peacocks crest. 316 These painted plumes, men in their caps doe weare. And women in their hands doe trickly beare. 318 [54] Perhaps some women being foule, doe vse [p 25] 319 Fowles feathers to shroude their deformitie : Others perchance these plumes doe rather chuse, From weather and winde to shield their phisnomie. 32a But whilst both men and women vse these feathers. They are deem'd light as feathers, winde and weathers. 324 122 Tom Tel-Troths Message, l55] Some dames are pumpt, because they liue in pompe. ^'^5 That with Herodias they might nimbly daunce. Some in their pantophels too stately stompe. And most in corked shooes doe nicely praunce. 328 But here I doubtfull stand, whether to blame The shoemakers, or them that weare the same. 330 [56] In countrie townes, men vse fannes for their corne. 331 And such like fannes I cannot discommend : But in great cities, fannes by truls are borne, The sight of which doth greatly God offend. 334 And were it not I should be deem'd precise. I could approue these fond fann'd fooles vnwise. 336 isi] A Painter lately with his pensill drew [ p. 26] 337 The picture of a Frenchman and Italian, With whom he plac'd the Spaniard, Turk, and lew ; But by himselfe he sat the Englishman. 340 Before these laughing, went Democrities, Behinde these weeping, went Heraditus. 342 [58] All these in comely vestures were atired. 343 According to the custome of their land. The Englishman excepted, who desired With others feathers, like a lay to stand. 34<5 Thus whilst he seeketh forraine brauerie. > He is accused of vnconstancie. 348 [59] Some call him Ape, because he imitates 5 349 Some foole, because he fancies euery bable ; Some liken him to fishes caught with baites. Some to the winde, because he is vnstable. 35'^ Then blame him not, although gainst Englishmen, This Englishman writ with his plaintife pen. 354 and his pens complaint. 123 [60] But hush ! no more 3 enough's enough j fie, fie, [p. 27] 3SS Wilt thou thy countries fauhs in verse compile? Desist betimes, least thou peccaui crie. For no bird, sure, his owne nest will defile. 358 Well, sith thou brak'st his head, and mad'st a sore. With silence giue a salue, and write no more. 360 [61] The world began, and so will end, with Pride ; 361 With Pride this poynt began, with Pride it ends : And whilst in pleasures Chariot she doth ride, My plaintife pen, page-like still by her wends. 364 Thus hauing painted out Prides roysting race. At this poynts end, a periods poynt I place. 366 [62] Now pyning Enuie whining doth appeare, 367 With bodie leane, with visage pale and wan. With withered face, and with vnkeamed haire ; She doth both fret and fume, sweare, curse, and ban : 370 She fareth ill, when other men fare well. Others prosper! tie is made her hell. 372 [63] She peepes and pries into all actions, [p. 28] ^^^ ^ And she is neuer well but when she iarres : She is the mother of all factions. She broacheth quarrels, and increaseth warres : 376 Anger is hot, and wrath doth roughly rage. But nothing, Enuies heating hate can swage. 378 This Trull inticed Pompey to contend, 379 And with great Caesar ciuill warres to moue : This dame allured kings their lines to spend In bloodie broyles, and braules deuoyd of loue : 38a Incensing subiects gainst their gouernours, Sonnes against Sires, Captiues against Conquerors. 384' 1 24 Tom Tel-Troths Message, [^^] As Iron doth consume it selfe with rust. 385 By eating which, it selfe it still doth eate. So doth the enuious man soone come to dust. And doth consume himselfe whilst he doth fret. 38a Thus Enuie still conspires to end his life, That lining with another, lines at strife. 39<) [66 We reade that Enuie twix.t two men did grow, [p 29] 3yl And that the one of them one eye would lose. So that he might pluck both eyes from his foe. And plucking both eyes out, his eyes might close. 394 who would thinke, a man should beare the minde To lose one eye, to make another blinde ! 39^ [67] What trade so base but there is Enuie in it. 397 When Minstrels with blinde Fidlers daily striue ? What strife is there, but Enuie doth begin it. When iusling lacks, to walls their betters driue ? 400 The truth hereof I shall not neede to sweare. Sith Hesiode old hereof doth witnesse beare. 402 [68; What is the cause that many mop and moe. 403 That many scotFe, and scorne, and gibe, and iest. With rimes and riddles rating at their foe, Flouting the base, and powting at the best ? 406 What is the cause ? the cause one line shall show : Enuie is cause, which in mens hearts doth grow. 408 [69] Knowledge, within the hart of man doth dwell ; [p. ^0] 409 And loue, within the liner builds his nest : But Enuie, in the gall of man doth swell, And playes the rebell in his boyling brest. 413 would to God men had no gall at all. That Enuie might not harbour in the gall ! 414 and his pens complaint. 125 [7°; Enuie and Charitie together stroue 4t5 Which of them two a man should entertaine : The one with spight, the other sought with loue ; The first in gall, the last in hart would raigne : 418 So long they stroue, that Enuie lost the field. And Charitie made Enuie captiue yeeld. 420 [/^ Enuie, adiew, and welcome Charitie, 421 The bond of peace and all perfection. The way that leades to true felicitie. Filling the soule with most diuine refection. 424 Enuie shall goe. He cleaue vnto thy lore. Thee will I serue, and thee will I adore. 426 [72; Next followes Wrath, Enuies fierce fellow-mate. rp-30 427 Attired in a roring Lions skin, letting along with a giant-like gate. Which aye a tyrant terrible hath bin. 430 A butcher like, wnthin his hands doth beare Their harts, which he with woluish teeth dolh tenre. 432 — .-1 1/ J. Wrath moued Herod with blood-thirstie hart 433 To slaughter infants from their mothers brest Like lambes scarce ean'd, or doues new-hatcht to parr, And with Hues losse to leaue both damme and nest. 436 0, had King Herod knowne what would ensue, He had not done what he did after rue. 438 [74 He shed their blood ; their blood did vengeance craue ; 439 They first too soone, he last too late did dye ; They led the way, he followed to the graue ; Both they and he a pray for wormes did lye. 442 Yet thus they differ, wormes them dead did eate. But him aliue, the wormes did make their meate. 444 126 Tom Tel-Troths Message, Wrath in Ca/igulaes mad head did grow, [p 32] 44,5 Making him wish that Rome had but one head. That he might smite off that head at a blow, Whose pompe he saw, hke many heads to spread : 448 But whilst he thought Romes heads in one 10 lup, Romes heads in one, his flower of life did crop. 450 [76] Wrath is the cause that men in Smith-held meete 45 1 (Which may be called smite-field properly) ; Wrath is the cause that maketh euery streete A shambles, and a bloodie butcherie, 454 Where roysting ruffins quarrell for their drabs. And for sleight causes, one the other stabs. 456 [77] Wrath puffes men vp with mindes Thrasonicall, 45/ And makes them braue it braggadochio-like : Wrath maketh men triumph Tyrannicall, With sword, with shield, with gunne, with bill and pike: 460 Yea, now adaies Wrath causeth him to dye That to his fellow dares to giue the lye. 462 [78] Mars is the Chieftaine of this wrathfull host, [p. 33] 4*5,3 Whose embrewd standard is with blood dyed red ; Of many he spares few, and kils the most. And with their corps his bloodie panch is fed. 466 Tara tantara, sa, sa, kill, kill, he cries, Filling with blood the earth, with scrikes the skies. 46S [79] Wraths fierce fore-runner is Timeritie, 469 And after Wrath Repentance shortly foUowes : The first rides gallop into miserie. The last procures sadnes, despayre, and sorrow, 472 Who therefore doe desire to line at rest. Let them not harbour wrath within their brest. 474 and his pens complaint. 127 [Sol Wraths contrarie is Lady Patience, 47.5 Who conquers most when she is conquered. She teacheth beasts that they by common sence Might teach to vanquish, being vanquished. 478 Rammes running back with greater force returne, And Lime most hot, in most cold springs doth burne. 480 [81] Patience, a cosin hath calde Sufferance, [p- a*] 481 Neerely akind, because she is so kinde ; She is most hke a Doue in countenance. And hke an Angell in her humble minde ; 484 All Phaenix-like she is but rarely found, — Would God she might be seene on English ground, — 486 [82] Then naked swords themselues would neuer cloath 487 With wounded skinnes of men whom men did maime j Then quarrellers would, after quaffing, loath With stabs and strokes to kill or make men lame. 490 Then, then I say, swords might in scabberts sleepe, And some might laugh which are coustrainde to weepe. 492 [83] As thus my pen, writing of Vice, spares none, 493 It brings into my sight a lazie Gill, A sleeping sluggard and a drowsie drone. Which snorts and snores, and euer sitteth still : 496 Some call her Sloth, some call her Idlenesse, A friend to neede, a foe to wealthinesse. 49S [«4l They tearme her Mother of all other vices, [p- 35] 499 Bearing a spawne of many new-bred sinnes : Many she lures, and many she entices. Whereof most part is trapped in her ginnes : 502 She is the But at which foule Lust doth shoote. And where she toucheth, there she taketh roote. 504 128 Tom Tel-Troths Messa ^ge, [85] I once did heare of one Lipotopo 505 (Whose pace was equall with the shell-housde snaile) That to a fig-tree lasily did go, Whose broad-leau'd branches made a shady vai le: 508 Thither this lusking hibber softly creeped, And there this lazie lizard soundly sleeped. 510 [86] But as one Goifo by the fig-tree went. 511 He wakened him from out his drowsie sleepe. And earnestly did aske him what he ment. Vnder that fig-tree all alone to keepe. SH As thus he did Lipotopo awake. Yawning and gaping, thus he idly spake : 5^6 [87] Good friend, it is a paine for me to speake. [p-36] 517 Because I vse nothing but only sleeping : Yet vnto thee my minde He shortly breake, And shew the cause of my here daily keeping : 520 The cause is this, that when these ripe figges fall. My gaping mouth might then receiue them all. 522 [88; As thus he spake, Goffo from ofl^" the tree 523 Pluckt a ripe fig, and in his mouth did put it ; Which when he gan to feele, my friend (quoth he), I pray thee stirre my iawes that I may glut it. 526 Goffo, admiring this his lazinesse. Left him as he him found, in idlenesse. 528 [89] would my pen were now a pensill made, 5^9 And I, a Poet, might a Painter bee. That picture-like this patterne might be laide Before mens eyes, that it their eyes might see j 63^ By which they, seeing Sloths deformitie. Might flie from sloth, and follow Industrie. 534 and his pens complaint. 129 [90] Now doth appeare dame niggard Auarice, rp-37] 535 Who, being loden with gold, gapes for gold : She raiseth cheape things to the highest price, And in Cheapside makes nothing chaepe be sold. 538 Which coyne, her chests hid full, fulfill her eye. Whilst poore folkes perish in great miserie. 540 [9K She hath been troubled long with one disease, 541 Which some a Dropsie call, or drouth of gaine; She drinkes and drinkes againe, yet cannot ease Her thirstie sicknesse and her greedie paine : 544 Still is she sicke, yet is she neuer dead, Because her sicknesse still is nourished. 546 [92; Her bodie grosse, engrosseth all the corne, 547 And of the grossest wares makes greatest gaine : Yea, Grocers now adaies, as men forlorne. Auerre that they gainst her haue cause to plaine : 55° Yet doth she hue, yet doth she tyrannize. Because her coyne her works dolh wantantize. 552 [93. This Auarice a cosin-germane hath, fp- 38] 553 Which many Londoners call Vsurie, Which like a braue comptroller boldly saith, She will bring England into miserie. 556 Who, vnder colour of a friendly lending. Seemes of her bad trade to make iust defending. 558 [94; They hand in hand doe walke in euery streete. 559 Making the proudest Caualiers to stoope : If with their debtors they doe chaunce to meete, They pen them vp within the Poultries coope. 562 And if for gold lent, men would counters pay, In Wood^treets Counter there them fast they lay. 564 SHAKSPERE's ENGLAND : TELL-TROTH. 9 130 Tom Tel-Troths Message, [95] Now Charitie, which is the band of peace. 5^5 Is turned to a Scriueners scribling-band. To Indentiira facta, or a lease, To racking houses, tenements and land : 568 AH this can gold, all this can siluer do. And more then this, if neede require thereto 51^ [9^] From whence comes gold, but from the earth below ? [p-39] 571 Whereof, if not of earth, are all men made ? Like will to like, and like with like will grow; Growing they florish, florishing they fade. 574 But where are gold and men? in hell; wher's hell? # On earth, where gold and men with gold do dwell. 576 [97] The prouerbe old I doe approue most true. 577 Better to fill the bellie then the eye : For whilst rich misers ieedes on monies view. Sparing they Hue in wilfuU penurie : 580 Yea, more then this, they liue vpon a crust. Whilst in their heaped bags their gold doth rust. 582 [98] Come, plaintife pen, and whip them with thy rod. 583 And plainly tell them their Idulatrie, Which make their gold their lone, their life, their god. Which with their gold desire to liue and die. 586 Tell them, if to no better vse they turne Their gold, they with their gold in hell shall burne. 588 [99; Thus leaning Vsurie and Auarice, [p 40] 589 As Sathans limmes, or fire-brands of hell. As rauening wolues that liue by preiudice, Or greedie hogs that on mens grounds do dwell : 59^- I post to that which I had almost past, But nowe hane ouertaken at the last. 554 and his pens complaint. 131 [too' The name of her whom hccre I incete withall 595 Is Gluttonie, the mother of excesse. Which, making daintie feasts, doth many call To eate with her the meate that she did dresse : 598 Who being set to eate her toothsome meat. Eating doth eate and neuer cease to eate. 600 [lOl' This trull makes youngsters spend their patrimonie 601 In sauced meates and sugred dclicatcs, And makes men stray from state of Matrimonie To spend their substance vpon whorish mates : 604 That by their lauish prodigalitie She may maintaine her fleshly vanitie. 606 [l02[ With gobs she fils and stuffes her greedie gorge, [p- 41] 607 And neuer is her gaping stomacke fed. Bits vnchaw'de in her bulke, as in a forge, Kindle the coales whereof foule lust is bred : 610 Thus doe we see how lazie gluttonie Comforts her selfe with Ladie Lecherie. 612 [103; One other mate she hath, call'd Dronkennesse, 613 A bibbing swilbovvle and a bowzing gull. Which neuer drinks but with excessiuenesse. And drinkes so long vntill her paunch is full ; 616 She drinkes as much as she can well containe. Which being voyded, then she drinkes againe. 618 [104 But when the drinke dolh worke within her head. 619 She rowles and reekes, and pimpers with the eyes; She stamps, she stares, she thinks white black, black red. She teares and sweares, she geeres, she laughes and cries; 622 And as her giddie head thinks all turnes round. She belching fals, and vomits on the ground. 1 624 1^2 Tom Tel-Troths Message, [105] Some men are drunke, and being drunke will fight J Cp- 42] 625 Some men are drunke, and being drunke are merrie ; Some men are drunke, and secrets brmg to light ; Some men are drunke, and being drunke are sorie : 628 Thus may we see that drunken men haue passions. And drunkennesse hath many foolish fashions. 630 [106" Fishes that in the seas doe drinke their fill. 631 Teach men by nature to shun drunkennesse. What bird is there, that with his chirping bill Of any liquour euer tooke excesse ? 634 Thus beastes on earth, fish in seas, birds in skie. Teach men to shun all superfluitie. 636 [107; Would any heare the discommodities 637 That doe arise from our excesse of drinke? It duls the braine, it hurts the memorie. It blinds the sight, it makes men bleare-eyd blinkej 640 It kils the bodie, and it wounds the soulej Leaue, therefore, leaue, O leaue this vice so foule ! 642 [loS; Now, last of all, though perhaps chiefe of all, [ ■p- 43] 643 My pen hath hunted out lewde Lecherie, Which many sinnes and many faults doth call To bee pertakers to her trecherie : 646 Her loue is lust, her lust is sugred sower, Her paine is long, her pleasure but a flower. 648 [109 When chast Adonis came to mans estate. 649 Venus straight courted him with many a wile ; Lucrcce once scene, straight Tarquhw laid a baite. With foule incest her bodie to defile : 652 Thus men by women, women wrongde by men. Giue matter still vnto my plaintife pen. 654 and his pens complaint. ^33 [no Thousands of whores maintained by their wooers. 635 Entice by land, as Syrens doe by Seas, Which, being hke path-waies or open doores. Infect mens bodies with the French disease : 658 Thus women, woe of men, though wooed by men, Still adde new matter to my plaintifc pen. 660 [i 1 1" Whilome by nature men and women loued, [p. 44] 66 1 And prone enough they were to loue thereby; But when they Quids ars amandi proued, Both men and women fell to lecherie : 664 By nature sinning, art of sinne was found To make mans sinne still more and more abound. 666 [i 12 If that I could paint out foule lecherie 66y In her deformed shape and loathsome plight. Or if I could paint spotlesse Chastitie In her true portraiture and colours bright, 670 I thinke no maid would euer prone an whore. But euerie maid would chastitie adore. 672 [X13! Then maried men might vild reproaches scorne. 673 And shunne the Harts crest to their hearts content. With cornucopia, Cornewall, and the home. Which their bad wiues bid from their bed be sent : 676 Then should no olde-Cocks, nor no cocke-olds crow. But euerie man misfht in his owne oround sow. 678 [114 Then light-taylde hufwiues, which like Syrens sing, [p. 45: 679 And like to Circes with their drugs enchant. Would not vnto the Banke-sides round-house fling. In open sight, themselues to show a id vaunt : 682 Then, then, I say, they would not masked goe. Though vnseene, to see those they faine would know. 684 134 Tom Tel-Troths Message, [i'5] But in this Labyrinth I list not tread. 685 Nor combate with the minotaure-like lust ; Hence therefore will I wend by methods thread. And wend I will, because needs wend I must : 688 Farewell, nay fare-ill, filthie lecherie. And welcome vndefiled chastitie. 690 [116 Vesta, I do adore thy puritie. 691 And in thy Temples will I tapers beare j Thou, Diana, for virginitie. Shalt be the matrone of my modest feare. 694 That both in one, both beeing Goddesses, May of my maden-head be witnesses. 696 [117; may my flesh, like to the Ermiline, [ p. 46] -697 Vnspotted line, and so vnspotted die. That when I come before the sacred shrine. My vntoucht corps themselues may guiltlesse trie ; 700 Then shall I glorie that I haue bin taught To shun the snare wherein most folkes are caught. 702 [iis; Thus hath my pen described, and descry'd. 703 Sinne with his seuen heads of seauen deadly vices. And now my plaintife pen hath verified That sinne, from vertue, mortall men entices : 706 If any wicked Mumus carpe the same. In blaming this, I passe not for his blame. 708 [119; Dictator-like I must confcsse I write. 709 And like a Nomothetes critical!. Pernaps my pen doth crabedly endite In plaintife humors meerely Cinicall : 712 But sooth to say, Tom-teltroth will not lie. We heere haue blaz'd Englands iniquitie. 7'4 1 and his pens complaint. 135 [120] And for because my pen doth liquour want, [p- 47] 7 '5 Heere (being drie) he willing is to rest. Not for that he doth further matter want, For so to thinke, were but a simple iest : 718 And if (as he hath not) he haue otFended, He hopes (as you) so he wilbe amended. ']20 Fie is. TOM of All Trades. OR THE PLAINE PATH-WAY TO PREFERMENT. BEING A Discovery of a passage to Promotion in all Professions, Trades, Arts, and Mysteries. Found out by an old Travailer in the sea of Experience, amongst the inchanted Islands of ill Fortune. Now published for Common good. By THOMAS POWELL. Sammum hoiiunis bonum bonus ex hac vita cxitus. LONDON. Printed by B. Alsop and T. Faivcet, for Benjamen Fisher^ and are to bee sold at his shop at the signe of the Talbot in Aldersgate-strett. 163 1. 1 ^^^^^^■^^■■^^^^^^^PVHVI^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ — ^^^"^^^i^lH^^^^^H^KV^^BB^V^BRH |0!|OD^ ^^^^^m^^^^^^^^M ^J^^^^A^^^j^^^^^PrfAlE^M J^^f^J^!ff^^MS^^^£^XtffSlM^ The Epistle Dcdicatorie. ■ V Oorc TOM was set on shore hi Kent, |— ^ ^///f/ /o ///t' next good Towne hee went ; ■ At whose approach the Bosseldir Kept a ynost lamentable stir re, 4. That TOM would offer to returne Through the good Towne q/' Syttingborne. Hee askt him, If hee had a Passe ? And told him what the Statute was ; 8 And like a Reverend Festry wit Swore hee would not allow of it. But did advise him to resort To fetch his Passe at Tonstall Court. 12 Our TOM of all Trades hereupon Askt ivhat was his condition IVho was the Owner of that place, Sofarre in all the Countries grace 9 i6' For whom {as hee walkt on the way) He heard the poore so much to pray, The Rich to praise ; And both contend, To whom hee was the greater friend. 20 Didst never meete his name there spread JVhere thon thy selfe didst vse to tread ? ^No? not 5ir EDWARD HALES? Quoth he; What TOM o/Odcombe mayst thou be? 24 Hee is a man scarce spends a minute But hath his Countries service in it ; 1 page iii. ^ page iv. 140 The Epistle Dedicutorie. Spends 7)wre to rnaie them, all accord, Then other Knights doe at their loord. zH Hee caird him Knight and Barronet, Both wise and lust ; And what inore yet ? He swore that if hee were but mist. The Countrey could not so subsist. 32 IFith that our TOM repaired thither, Conferrd Report and Proof e together ; And found Report had wrong' d him much In giving but an out-side touch, — 3*^ A tincture of a Paititers trade, IVhere all was substance and in-lajjd. Then TOM resolved to walke 710 farther Tojinde a Father or a Mother ; 40 No other Patron would hee seeke. But tender all at this Knights feete : If hee accept what's well intended, Our TOM of all Trades travaile's ended. 44, Signa virtutum tuarum longe lateq/zc terens. THO: POWELL. [This text, though copied from the Douce copy in the Bodleian, has now been collated with 4 : T. 34. Art. Variations in the Douce copy : — p. 137, 1. 4, It it true p. 143, 1. 3 froi?i the bottoin, gift ,, last line, incumbent (with small /). p. 144, 1. 2, Dilecct ,, 1. 14, Alchermi ,, 1. 16, Parsonadge , , last line but 2, inmediately p. 146, last line but 2, Cantiocluerum ,, last line but i, Vf p. 147, I. 4, Person ,, 1. 10, for Induction. ,, 1. I 2, peculiar. ] TOM of all Trades OR THE PLAINE PATH- WAY TO PREFERMENT. RINITY Terme was now ended^; For by description of the time it could bee no otlier parcell of the yeare. In that the Scriveners at Temple-harre had no imployment, but writing of blanke Bonds and texting of Bills for letting of Chambers in Chancery- lane. The Vintners of Fleetstreet discharged theyr lourneymen ; A generall humility more then usuall possest the Cookery of Ram-Alley. I'he Ostlers of Hnll-nnie had more than ordinary care to lay up theyr Gliuests bootes, rather for feare of theyr slipping out of Towne than for any good observance towards them. And your Countrey Attor- neys would no longer by any ^meanes endure the vnwholsome ayre of an Eightpenny Ordinarie. Every one that had wherewith to dis- charge his Horse out of the stable, strove who should tirst be gone. And amongst the rest, my selfe made shift for so much money as wherewith to abate the fury of Mistrisse Overcount mine hostesse, and so I departed likewise. At the top of Higligate hill I overtooke a Gentleman of North- amptonshire, riding homeward, whom I well knew ; Him I saluted cheerefully, and he received me lovingly. But in travayling together (Me thought) he was not Master of that mirthfull disposition which he was wont to cany along with him to shorten the way betwixt his * page I. ^ In June. page 2. 142' Tom of all Trades; Or, house and London. I gave him to vnderstand how strange and not- able this alteration appeared in him ; And withall desired to know so much of the occasion thereof as might be impartible to a freind of so small growth. To which he answered thus : Sir, I come from London (It is true), from the Terme (It is certaine true), from London andTerme. True and certaine in nothing but expences in all things ; yet I would have you know that it is neither the Thunderclap of dissolving an hnunction, nor the Doomesday of a Decree, nor Coun- saylors Fees, nor Attornies Bylls, in a language able to fright a man out of his wits, can proscribe me my wonted mirth. It is something nearer and dearer (my deare friend) that robs me of that cheere which used to lift me vp into the very Spheare, where lone himselfe sits to bid all his guests welcome right heartily. I remember mee of Children, sixe Soones and ' three daughters, of whom I am the vnhappy Father. In that, besides the scars which my vnthriftines hath dinted vpon their fortunes, the wounds of vn- equall times, and a tempestuous age approaching, are like to take away from them all hope of outlining the low water ebbe of the evill day 3 all meanes of thriving by honest paynes, study, or industry are bereft them. The common vpon which industry should depasture is overlaydj Numerousnes spoiles all. And poverty sells all at an vnder value. In this case (Sir) what can be aduisd ? Wherevnto I thusreplyed. Sir, I haue heedfully attended you in the delivery of your per- plexed thoughts concerning the care which you have of your children, taking the true and ev^en levell of the declention of arts, the distent of trades & trading, the poverty of all professions, and the des- temper, not of ours only, but of all Christian clymates at this present, tending rather to a more contagion in the generall ayre then a calmer temparament (for ought that yet appeareth) : as for the stormynesse of the sea of state, forraigne or domestick, let vs leave the greater and lesser vessels that be exposed to it vnto the proper Pylales, Masters, and Marryners, who have the charge to attend the line or plye at the tackle; we are but poore passengers, and may assure our selues to partake in their boone voyage, if they suc[c]eed well,— as they may be certaine to sutfer in the same Shipwracke with vs, if wee miscarry. ' page 3- The plaine Path-way to Preferment. 143 I addresse me to give you the best advise I can, touching the prefer- ment of every of your ^six sonncs and three daughters, in manner following. It is true in most Gentlemen, and very likely in you, as in others, living onely vpon the revenew of lands, That the height of their Husbandry amounts to no more than to cleere the last halfe yeeres booking, and borrowing at the rent day. That their credit may hold vp and keepe reputation till the next ensuing that againe. When you dye, the eldest Sonne claimes the inheritance of what you leave, thanke God and nature for it, your selfe least of all, and your fatherly providence never a whit. If you take some course in your life time to make the rest of your Children some small portions or estates out of the whole of your lands. It is tenne to one but you destroy both him and them by that meanes. For the heire, commonly striving to vphold the reputation of his Ancestors, He abates nothing of his fathers accustomed expences towards the raising of those portions or estates so deducted. And they, on the other side, presume so much vpon the hope thereof, that no profession will lit them. To bee a Minister (with them) is to be hut a Pedant ; A Lawyer, a mercenarie fellow ; A Shop-keeper, a man most subject to the most wonderfuU Cracke, and a creature whose welfare depends much vpon his Wives well bearing and faire carriage. What is, then, to be done ? Surely it would be wished, seeing God and nature hath provided for the eldest, your younger sonnes, and your daughters especially, being worst ^able to shift, should bee by you provided for in the first place, while your Land is of virgin reputation, while it is chast, and vndishonested by committing of single fornication wdth Countrie Creditors, that trade without sheets (that is) by Pole deed, only for saving of costs ; or, at least, before it have defiled the bed of its • reputation by prostituting to the adulterous imbracings of a Citie Scrivener. But especially, before it grow so impudent as to lie downe in the Market place, and to suffer everie pettie Clarke to bring its good name vpon Record, and charge it that it was taken in the very fact betweene other mens sheets, — As in this Statute, or in that ' page 4. 2 page 5. 144 Tom of all Trades; Or, ludgment : Take heed of that by any meanes. And bee sure to match your eldest sonne when your credit is cryed vp to the highest, while your heire is yet in your power to dispose, and will bend to your will, before his blood begin to feele the heate of any affections kindling about him, or before he can tell what difference is betwixt a blacke wrought Wastcoate with a white apron, & a loose bodied gowne without an apron. Put him of in his best clothes, (I meane) in the assurance of your lands ; sell him at the highest rate. Then dicotomize the whole portion of his wife into severall shares betwixt your other children. Not share and share like, but to every each one, the more, according to their defects : Let impotencie, decreptnes, ilfavourdnes, and incapacitie, rob the other of so much money as they have done them of comhnesse, activitie, beautie, and wit. Put them not into any course of Hving according to any prescript order or method of your ^ owne election. But according to their inclination and addition, seeing that everyone, by instinct of nature, delio-hteth in that wherein he is like to bee most excellent. And delight and pride in any thing undertaken, makes all obstacles in the way of attaining to perfection of no difficulty. Now, in the next place, take heed that you put off those your sonnes whom you finde fit and addicted to be bred in the Ministerie, or made up to the law, or to be apprentized, betimes, and before they take the taynt of too much liberty at home. And when they be put forth, call them not home speedily to revisit their fathers house, no, not so much as Hospitably by any meanes. F In the first place, take your direction for the SCROLLER. His Education. His Maintenance. His Advancement. Or his Education. The Free-Schooles generally afford the best breeding in good letters. ' page 6. The plaiiw Palh-Lvaij tu Preferment. 143 So many of tlieni also afTord some reasonable meanes in ayde of young Schollers, for their diet, lodging, and teaching, given to iheni l)y the Founders or Benefactors of such Schooles. ^ Some of them be of the foundation of some Kings and Quecnos of this Land; and they are commonly in the gift of the King, or his Provost, or Substitute in that behalfe. Others be of the foundation of some Bodies or Societies incorporate; And they are commonly in the gift of such Masters, Wardens, Presidents, and their Senior fellowes ; such chiefe officers of any other litlc, or such Master, Wardens, and Assistants, or such Opposers, Visitants, or Committees of such bodies respectively as be appointed thereunto. Others be (jf the foundation of some private persons : And they are, for the most part, in the gift of the Executor, Hcire, or Feolfees of such Donor, according to the purport of his Will, or Grant, or both. Of every of which sevorall kindes respectively are : Eaton. Westminster. Winchester . The Merchantaylors Schoole, London. The Skynners at Tunbridge. Sutton's Hosp'itall. St. Bartholomews. And very many other the like. Briefly, few or no Counties of this Kingdome are unfurnishr oF such Scholes. And some have so many, that it is disputable whether the Vniversities, with the Innes of Court and Chancerie, have where to receive them or no. Some of such free-Schooles, againe, have SchoPlersIiips append. tut unto them, in the one of the Vniversities, or both. To which, ui)on Election yearely, ihey are removeable. As From. Eatnn to K'uws Colled se, Camlridse. From IFcstminster to Trinity Collcdge, Cambridge, or Chrislchiirch, 0X071. From ff"u!chcslfr to Xeiv Col/edge, Oxon. ' page 7. 2 page g. SHAKSPEBE"S ENGLAND : TELL-TUOTII. 10 146 TowL of all Trades ; Or, From the Merchantaylors to St. lohn's, Oxon. And the like, from many the like. Some other Free-Schooles have pensions for preferment of their Schollers, and for their maintenance in the Vniversiiie. Some Companies Incorporate (especially of London, having no such pensions in certaine) doe usually ov;t of the Stocke of their Hall allow maintenance in this kinde. Besides that, there be many other private persons (upon my knowledge) who doe voluntarily allow yearely exhibition of this nature. Now if you would know how to linde what is given to any such Free-Schooles, and in whose disposing they now be. Search In the Tower of London, till j J For Grants and for License the end of Rich, the 3. J \ of Mortmaine, inde. A?id in the Chappell of the \ i Rolles. I I And fur the like. From thence till the present. ' \ ^ In the Register of the Prerogative Court, for \ c ^ , ^ * . ^ . * . -^ \ \For such Grants such things devised ly Will, bu King, Queene, )--',. , .,..,, or Suhiect. J ^ And sometimes you shall finde such things both in the Tower and the Prerogative, and in the Rolls and Prerogative respectively. For the time since our reformed Church of England began here, / Doctor -V r „ ,, ^ ) T'- r \ f 1 lor all from the Kim:, or from Search Mvillets I ^ ^ ^' ^ •< vv uieis y «v I • \ I '^"y other. K Synopsis. J V ■ Search In divers of our Chroni' \ ( ^ , ,., -^ \ \ For the like, cles. J I Next, adde certaine helpes for discovery and attayning thereof. First (if it may be) procure a sight of the Liedger Bookes, of such as in whom the disposition of such things resteth, which they keepe for their owne use. 1 page 9. Ilie plaine Path-way to Preferment. 147 Next, be acquainted with some of the Disposers themselves. Next, take the directions of the Master or "I'eacher of such Free- Schooles. lilspecially to be interesscd in the Clarkcs or Registers of such Societies as have the disposing of any such things. Also to use means by Letters of persons powerful! and usefuU to such disposers. ^For (indeed) it is not the sound of a great mans name to a Letter in these dayes, wherein they are growne so common and familiar to our Societies (of London especially), can prevaile so soo^ie as the Letter subscribed by the Lord Maior, or other eminent Officer of the Citie, to whose commandement they be immediately sub- jugate. Lastly, if you use the meanes least scene, most used, and best allowed, together with these. For discoverie and attaining of any such thing, it will not be besides the purpose, as I take it. Now .suppose your sonne is brought to the Vniversitie by Election or as Pensioner. THe first thing you must take to your care is : In case he come not by election, but as a Pensioner to live for the present upon your owne charge, how to procure him a Schollership in the Colledge where you bestow him. Or in case he come elected into one, how to procure a farther addition of maintenance to him. To bring him into a Schollership, place him with a Senior fellow of the house (as Tutor), though you allow to some lunior fellow somewhat yearely for reading unto him. This Senior fellow, if the number of places voide will beare it, may nominate your sonne for one in his owne right ; if it will not beare it, he may call to his ayd some and so many suffrages of the rest, as, with the speaking merit of your sonne, may worke your desire. 2 Then how 10 procure a pension for addytament of meanes. The chiefe skill is to rinde it out. being eyther in the gift of some ' page 10. * page li. 148 Tom of all Trades-, Or, body Incorporate, Or of some private person, Wherein the di.^covery is to bee made (as aforesaid). If you sue to a Company consisting of many persons Tradesmen, you must enquire who bee the most potent Patritians, and best reputed Vestrie wits amongst them, such as carry their gloves in their hands, not on their hands. Amongst an Assistance of many, onely two or three strike the stroke, and hold the rest in a wonderfull admiration of their extra- ordinary endowments. And how to speake sensibly to these two or three is no Mysterie ; You know they are faithfull fiduciaries in the election 3 And, therefore, you must not presume to offer any thing by any meanes. Onely you may desire them to accept this poore peece of plate, with your name and Armes upon it, and binde you unto their love, in keeping the memory of you hereafter. Doe but try them in this kinde, and attend the successe. I tell you, this, with a Bucke at the Renter Wardens feast, may come somewhat neere to the matter. But for the pension to be obtained of a private person, the way is not the same. It proceedeth of the givers meere charity, and must be taken by the hand of a desertfuU receiver. Though withall it may sometimes fall out, that merit is made by mediation, especially of some such reverend Divine, as he doth most respect and frequent. For other, let^ters can little prevaile with such persons. The best note to discover a man inclinable to allow such a pension, is to examine how wealth and charitie are equally and temperately mingled in him; And be sure, withall, that he be a man of some reasonable understanding in what he doth in this kinde. For a Fooles pension is like a new fashion, eagerly pursued at the beginning, but as scurvily left otf in the proceeding. Your next care is, in his due time to put on a fellowship, when he shall put otf his Schollership, seeing the Schollership keepes him company no farther than to the degree of Master of Arts, and a quarter of a yeare after, in those CoUedges, where Schollerships are longest lived. And in some not so long. In some CoUedges The Fellowship followes the Schollership of course ; and as the one leaveth him, the other entertaines him. But ' page 12. The pki'ine PatJi-waij to Prc'ferment. i 49 in the most it is not so, but comes by Election. Which Election passeth by the Mastermind Senior Fellowes, whereof every one doth name one, if the number to be Elected will beare it j or if not, then thi.'y passe by most voyces. Where note, that the Master hath a double voyce, and in some places hee hath the nomination of one, if there be two places voyd, yea, if there be but one at sometimes. . In CoUedges, the letters of great persons, especi[ally] of the Lords grace of Canterlurie, and the Vniversitie Chancellor, have beene of great prcvailance 5 But it is not so now in these dayes. ^ There bee beneficiall gradations of preferment likewise, for Fellowes in tlieir Colledges ; as Lecturer, Deaiie, Bowser, Vice- master, and Master. But, for my part, I better like and commend those who, when they find themselves fit to put forth into the world, take the first preferment that is offered unto them, rather than such who live cloystered like Votaries ; who have Sacraments to fill up their places, be it but to keepe out others, such as use no exercise but w iping the dust off their bookes, and have an excellent activity in handling the fox tayle, such as hold no honour like to SuppUcat reverentijs vestris ; And to be head Bowsier of the Colledge, as good as to be Chiefe Butler of Ena/and. These preferments of the Colledge, all but that of the Master, comes of course by order and antiquity. Therefore, no meanes but patient abiding, needs for the acquiring of them in their due time. I hasten to send your sonne out of the Cloyster into the Common- wealth, and to shew you how many wayes of Advancement are open unto him abroad, with the meanes to discover and attaine. Andjirstfor the Ministrie. First, for his ease, let him looke no farther then next to hand, and enquire what benefices belong ^to their owne Colledge, and are in the guift of their Master and Senior fellowes (as most Colledges have divers such) j and amongst them, which are void at the present, or whose Incumbent is not like to live long. And if he ' page 13. * page 14. ijo Tom of all Trades; Or, find out any such, than, if he know not, after so long continuance among them, to speake in his Seniors owne Dilect, let him never travaile beyond Trmiipington ' for me. More indigitly. For attaining of such a Benefice, let him enquire where the Mattens are read with Spectacles, or where the good old man is lifted vp into the pulpit, or the like, and make a way for Succession accordingly. Where note, that many times a fellow of the house may hold such a Benefice together with his fellowship, or a Pension, for incre- ment of livelyhood. And such tyes as these are commonly the bond of matrimony, whereby they are so wedded to the Colledge. Next, he must clime vpto the maine top of Speculation, and there looke about him to discover what Benefices are emptie abroad, where the Incumbent lives only vpon the Almes of Confectio Alchermis ; Or where one is ready to take his rise out of Sierge into Sattin, out of Parsonage and a Prebendarie into a Deanarie and a Donative, let him not be slow of footmanship in that case, by any meanes. " For Benefices abroad. Benefices a broad are in the gift of The King imediately. Or the Lord Keener fur the King : Some Lord Bishop : Some Deanc and Chapter : Some Bodie incorporate : Some Parish : Some Private Patron. You shall find in the Tower a collection of the Patent Rolls gathered of all Presentations made by the King in those dayes to any Church Prebendarie or Chappell, In right of the Crowne, or other- wayes, from i. of Edward the first, till the midst of Edward the third. The King himselfe, only and immediately presenteth in his owne right to such Benefices as belong to him, and are aboue twenty pounds value in the frst Fruits Bookes. ^ Near Cambridge. ^ page 15. The plaine Path-iuay to Preferment. 151 For attayning of any which, I can advice you of no better course, th;in to learne the way to the backe stayres. The Lord Keeper presents for the King to all such benefices as belong to his Majestic, and are under twenty pounds value in the bookes. Now to know which of these are full, and who are Incumbents in any of these. Search The first Fruits OJJice. The Clarke, who hath the writing of the Presentations. ^ Tlu- Lard Kft'pers' Sccretarie being. Where note, tliat the King hath used very seldome to grant any such living in Reversion. And the Lord Keeper now being. His care is so great in this, as in all cases of common good to provide for mans merit, and cherish industrie in the growing plants, that no one can olfer unto him a request 2 of this kinde without trespasse to his good disposition. In the next place, concerning Benefices in the Presentation of any of the Lords Bishops. Note, that most Bishopricks in England have presentation to divers Benefices belonging to their Seas. For the number and present estate of these Search Their owne Leidgers. Their Registers. Enquire of Their Auditors. Their Stewards of their Courts. And sometimes you shall light upon some of theyr bookes of this kind, in the hands of the heyres or Executors of such as have borne such oflices under them. He that is Chaplaine to such a Lord Bishop hath, for the mo-,t part, the best meanes, accesse, and opportunity, to ataiue to such a Benefice. The commendations of such a great personage, as to whom this * page 1 6. - orig. repuest 1 5 2 I'oM of all Trades ; Or, Patron oweth greatest respect, especially for his affairing in Court, may doe some good in the matter. The like wayes of discovery, and the like meanes ^of attaining any Benefice in the Presentation of any Deane and Chapter, are to be used with them respectively, as with the Bishops. With every Deane and Chapter are likewise divers Prebendaries, to be obtained of their gift after the same manner, and by the same meanes also. The other bodies Incorporate, besides those of Col/edges and Deanes and Chapters, have many of them (especially of London and some subordinate Societies thereof) right of the presentation to. divers Benefices. Also some Parishes, by prescription, doe present to their owne perochiall Benefices. And many Patrons are content to present, according to the approbation of the Parishioners, upon their hearing, and allowing, and due exclamation of the integrity of the life of such suitors, and no otherwise j divers governors, and gradations of the lands of divers Hospitals, and Mesons de dieu, have like right of presentation to Benefices, as have other bodies Incorporate. And the meanes of discovery and attaining are likewise the like. In Parishes and Companies of Tradesmen Incorporate, some very few rule the roast. Your Alderman of the AVard, his Deputie, your Common Councell-man, Yea, sometime that petty Epitomie of Wardemote Enquerst, that little busie morsell of lustice (the Beadle of the Ward), will make a strong parlie in the election, if he be put to it. The Probotory Sermon, that must be made upon such tryall before such an Anditorie, would be according to the capacitie in generall. But more '■'especially according to the humor and addiction of those whose wits the rest have in singular reverence. As Mr. Francis Fiat, a good vnderstanding Fishmonger (I assure you) ; you may give the stile of right worshipfuU to them, though the best man of the company be but a Wine Cooper, and his iudgement better in Claret then in Contioclerum a great deale. If your Sonne vpon his tryall can but fit their pallats smoothly, which is hard to doe. In regard that ihey are so hallow mouthed, ' page 17. * page 18. The plaine Palh-uay to Preferment. ^bi let him be sure, though he misse the Benefice for want of prepera- tion, yet tenne to one l)ut they will straine themiielues to bring him in as a Lecturer, which is a thing they rc'\erence farre beyond the Parson of liie Parish, by many degrees. Lastly, for private Patrons and the Benefices in their guilts, Search, The Bis/iops Rei^Lster : for Institution and Presentation. The Archdeacons Register : for the Induction. The Archbishops Register : if it be a Peculiar. It was my chaunce lately to see a booke of all the Benefices within the Diocesse of Canterbury, with the manner of their tything in every each one respect! uely. In which I find that there are, or should be, with the Register of every Lord Bishop, seaven Bookes kept for Entrie of the matters and busines of their Diocesse, of which this of Benefices is ' the cheife. 2 The like I saw formerly of the Diocesse of St. Davids, which confirmes mee in the institution and custome of keeping the said bookes also in other Diocesse. And seing that severall private^ patrons are of severall disposi- tions j some more Lucrative and Covetous, Others more charitable and religious ; I can give you no other rule of attaining the Benefice than this, vix-. That your sonne bring with him abilitie of learning, Integritie of life, and conformitie of behaviour, according to the order of the Church establisht amongst vs ; and these shall make his w^ay with^ the o-ood and generous Patron. But for the other patron, it makes no matter at all for learning, and a very litle for manners, or whether he be a man conformable or no. Truely he is iuditfcrentj for his part, very inditlerent. To such a patron your sonne must present himselfe thus (if he meane to be presented), according to present necessitie : He must in lit orig. page 19. privaie /;/ orig. * whitli in orig. 154 Tom of all Trades; Or, both speake and prove himselfe a man indued with good gifts, For he shall have to deale with a Patron of a quick Capacitie, more dexterous in apprehension than your sonne or you can be in deliverie. Be this Patron vs'hat he will, your comfort is, the Benefice must be fild, and that within a limited timej howsoever, it is dangerous to attend the ending of the day in this case, (For seldome doth the Clarke of the market get any thing by their standing too long aiid above their accostomed houre.) ^ Lapse by reason of Simony, and Lapse for not presenting in due time J Both offer advancement to learning; But the first is as hard to discover as a witch. And the second as rare to find out as a faithfull fiduciarie or a fast Freind. The degrees of rising in the Ministrie are not easier knowaie then practized by the industrious man. Breifiy, if all Church livings in England were equally^ distributed. There is noe one of the Ministry, if he want not learning or good manners, needs want maintenance or good Livelyhood. Here I could wish to God, That it might please the right reuerend Fathers of the Church the Lord Bishops, That they would once in every of their times cause a true Catalogue of all the Benefices within their severall Diocesse, with the names of the Patrons thereof, accord- ing to the last presentation, to be sent into the office of the Jirst fruits, for the better information of all such as deserue, and would gladly attaine to, some meanes of maintenance, which they may the better doe by hauing recourse thither, there to take notice of all things of this nature. For I know that many sit downe in their wants, having good meanes to many private Patrons, onely for lacke of knowledge of the same. Note that it is an vsuall thing in private Patrons ^ to graunt reversion and Advowson of such livings. My selfe intended heretofore to collect all such Benefices, with their Patrons, into a certaine Cal^lender, for such direction (as afore- sayd), and made some passage into it. But the farther I went, the more impossible I found it. And I am now resolved, that without the Bishops assistance it cannot be done. And so much for the Ministerie. ^ page 20. 2 epually in orig. ' Parens in orig. * page 21. The plaine Patli-ivay to Preferment. i^^ The hawea promotions follow. By Civill Law and Common Law. FOr breeding of your youth in the Civill Law, there are two Colledges of especiall note in our Vniversities : the one is Trinitie-hali in Cambridge ; the other is Neiu-Colledge in Oxford} I remember me not of any Free-Schoole in England that have any place appendant in Trhiitie-hall in Cambridge. But in new Colledge of Oxford, the Free-Schoole of If^inchester hath claime both of SchoUerships and Fellowships, the whole Colledge consisting of none other, as I take it. It is to be confest, the charge of breeding a man to the Civill Law is more expensive, and the way more painefull, and the bookes of greater number and price, than the Common Law requireth. But ^ after the Civill Lawyer is once growne to Maturity, His way of Advancement is more beneficiall, more certaine, and more easie to attaine, than is the Common Lawyers j and all because their number is lesse, their learning more intricate. And they admit few or no SoUicitors to trample betweene them and the Clyent. So that the Fee comes to them immediately and with the more advantage. The Preferments at which they may arrive are these : Chancellor to the Byshop. Archdeacon. Commissarie, where they have Commissarie Officiall. Judge, and Surrogate. Advocate for the King^ Mr. of the Chancerie. The Kings Proctor. Advocate, and Proctor at large. * MS. note ill the Art ropy, rather Alsoules by farre. 2 page 22. 136 Tom of all Trades ; Or, In these Courts, viz. The High Cin/i mission. The Delegates. The Prerogative. The Cnnsistorie. The Arches. The Bishops Courts. The Archdeacons Courts. Chancellors, Commissaries, and Officials Court. The Admiraltie Courts. The Court of the Kings Requests. In times past The countenance of some Byshop, especially of the ^ Lord Arch- lyshop, upon a Civilian, will much adv^ance his practice as an Advo- cate, and give him promotion^ as a ludge. There are under the greater otficers aforenamed divers other inferiour Otiicers : as Reijister. Arctuarie. Examiner. The number of the Doctors, (though I finde them never to have beene limited,) Yet it is certaine that the time was within memory of man when the house of their Commons did commonly give them all sufficient lodging and dyet. And as for the number of Proctors, they were of late times limited. How it is now, I know not. For the Common Law. FOr breeding of Students at the Common Law, take directions for their method of studie out of that Tractate which Mr. Justice Dodridge did in his time pen for the purpose. Onely (for my part) I doe much commend the ancient custome of breeding of the younger Students. First, in the Innes of Chancery ; there to be the better prepared ^ for the Innes of Court. And this must needs be the ' page 23. ' promorion //; orig. * preparded in oiig. The plaine Vath-waij t) Preferment. 57 better way, seeing too much liberty at the first prooves very fatall to many of the younger sort. I have observed, and much commend also the breeding of some Com'mon Lawyers in this kinde, vh. That when they have beene admitted first into an Inne of the Chancerii', they have beene withall entced as Clarkes in the office of some Prothonotarie of the Commnn-Plms, to adde the skill of the Practicke to their speculation. And if a Student be thus bred, by his foundation in the one, and his experience in the other, he shall with more facilitie than others, who step into the Inne of Court at first, attaine to an abilitie of practise. Besides other ordinary requisite parts and Arts in a Common Lawyer, Skill in the Records of all Courts of Record, and in other antiquities of President, With some Reading in the Civill Law, also will much inable him. The Common La\\'}'er is to be bred onely upon tlie purse. The charge most at the first. For after he hath spent some few yeares effectually. He may attaine to the imployment of some private friends, for advising with and instructing of greater Counsalle, whereby he shall adde both to his nieanes and knowledge. It is true, that I have knowne some Attorneyes and SoUicitors put on a Counsailors gowne without treading the same usuall path to the barre (as aforesaid). But indeed, I never looke upon them but I thinke of the Taylor, who in one of his Customers cast suites had thrust himselfe in amongst the Nobilitie at a Court Maske, where, pulling out his Handkercher, hee let tall his Tliimble, and was so discovered, and handled and dandled from hand to foote, till the Guard ^delivered him at the great Chamber doore, and cryed, " farewell, good feeble ! " If the Common Lawyer be sufficiently able in his profession, he shall want no practice ; if no practice, no profit. The time was that the younger Couiisaile had some such heipe, as To le a Favourite, A Kindred, To tnarn/ a Neece, Cosin, or a Cliainlcr-niaide. But those dayes be past, and better supply their roomes. ' page 24 ; pages 24, 25 misnumbered in orig. * P^ge 25. 15 B Tom of all Trades; Or, As fellowes of Colledges in the Vniversities get pensions or Bene- fices to adde to their Hvelyhood, So Barresters and Counsailors of the Innes of Court advance their meanes by keeping of Courts of Mannors, Lects and Barrons, Swanimootes of Forrests, Stannaries, Cinque Ports, isfc. By places of ludges of Inferiour Courts. As London, and other like Corporations. The Firdge. The Tower of London. St. Katharines, neare the Tower. Borough of Southwarke. The Clinke. IVentworth, and like Lilerties. ' By office of Recorder of some Co\_r~\porate Towne. Feodarie of some Counties. The Kings Counsayle in the Marches of IVales, or at Yorke, or ludge, or Counsayle of some Countie Pallatine. The greater places of preferment for Common Lawyers are The ludges at Westminster and elsewhere. The next are all the severall Officers of the Courts of IVest- winster, and elsewhere. All which you shall finde set forth breifly in Smiths Common- wealth of England, and part in mine owne Search of Records, And all these together, afford suffic[i]ent maintenance for thousands of persons, who may bee here well prouided for. Here I should, and here I could, for better direction of yonger brothers, shew what meniall Clarkeships of large exhibition are vndcr the great Officers of the Land, the ludges, the Kings Counsayle, and other Officers which are not elsewhere publisht. And I know it ^ page 26. Tlie plciine Patli-way to Preferment. 159 would open a doore to many a proper mans preferment, especially vnder the Lnrd Keeper, as Secretaries for Chancerie busynesse, and Spirituall promotions, the Comm\i'\ssinii of tlie Peace, Iniuiictions, the Dochquetts. And other the like vnder the Lnrd Treasurer, as Secretaries for the businesse of the Realme and the Custoine-house ; besides the Inlets to so many preferments about the Customes and Escheators ; places vnder the Lord Treasurer, vnder the C.hauncellnr of the Exchequer, Duchie and Principalitie of JFales, and Duchie of ^ Cornewall, as Seale keeper, Secretary, isfc. \^nder the Master of the Court of IFardes, as Secretarie ; vnder the Lidges, as Marshall ; Clarke of the Bailes, iffc. ; Vnder the Barrons of the Exchequer, as Examiner; Clarke of the Bailes, and other Clarkes. Vnder the Kings Attourney Generall, as Clarke of the Pattens, Clarke of the Confessions and entries, Clarke of the References, Booke bearer. Vnder the SoUicitor Generall: Clarke of the Patents, Booke bearer. Besides many other Clarkes vnder the white staues of the Court, and in the Counting house, and many seuerall offices.^ All which, with hundreds more that I co?/ld name, with a plainer and more large deduction, were it not for feare that what I well intend for generall good, would be taken in offence for priuate preiudice. But for the Clarkeships of the Kings houshold, examine farther the Blacke booke in the Exchequer. ^rhe Phisition folloives. ANd heere I remember me of an old tale following, viz. At the beginning of the happy raigne of our late good Queene Elizabeth, diners Commissioners of great place, being autho- rized to enquire of, and to displace, all such of the Clergie as would not conforme to the reformed Church, one amongst otfiers was Conuented before them, who being asked whether' he would subscribe or no, denied it, and so conse^quently was adiudged to lose his benefice and to be deprived his function; wherevpon, in his im- patience, he said, ^ page 27. - offiiccs i?i orig. ' whehter in orig. ^ page 28. i6o Tom oJ' all Trades-, Or, 'That if they (meaning the Commissioners) held this course il would cost many a mans life.' For which the Commissioners called him backe againe, and charged him that he had spc)ke treasonal)le and seditious words/ tending to the raysing of a rebellion or some tumult in the Land ; for which he should receiue the reward of a Traytor. And being asked whether hee spake thoj,e words or no, he acknowledged it, and tooke vpon him the lustiiication thereof; 'for, said he, yea have taken from me my lining and profession of the Ministrie; Schollership is all my portion, and I have no other meanes now left for my maintenance but to tnrne Phis'ithtn ; and before 1 shalbe absolute Master of that Misterie, (God he knowes) how many mens lives it will cost. For few Phisitlons vse to try experiments'-^ vpon their owne bodies.' With vs, it is a Profession can maintaine but a few. And diuers of those more indebted to opinion than learning, and (for the most part) better qualified in discoursing their travaiies than in discerning their patients malladies For it is growne to be a very huswiues trade, where fortune prevailes more then skill. Their best benefactors,' the Neapolitan, The'w grand Se'ignieiir. The S'lrpcgo, thtir GonfoUinere ; The Sc'mticke, Their great Marshall, that calls the Muster Rolle of them all together at every Spring and fall, — are all as familier to her as the Cnckow at Canck-wood in May ; And the care of *them is the skill of every good old Ladies cast Gentlewoman ; when she gives over painting, shee falls to plastering, and shall have as good practize as the best of them for those kind of diseases. Marry, for Womens griefes ^ amongst Phisitions, the Masculine is more worthy then the Feminine. Secrecie is the cheife skill, and virilitie the best learning, thai is required in a Womans Phisition. But I never read of many of those to be long lined, or honesily wined hitherto, in all my reading. Hitherto I speake nothing in disrepute of the more reverend and learned sort of Phisitions, who are to be had in snigular reverence, and be vsefuU to mankind next to the Divine. Indeed, I rather pilty them; and pittying, smile to see how prelily these young game- • vvrods ill the Douce copy. * axperiments in the Douce copy. ' benefactor in the Art copy. * page 29. * greifes in the Douce copy. The plaine Palh-wo)/ to Preferment. 16 1 sters, Mah and Female, lay about them, and engrosse the greater part of Paticntnt' in all places whcresoeuer. A.nd here I may more litly say (God knowes) how many mens liues this abused opinion had of such Gamesters, costs ; Because they be not Masters of that Mysterie, and that science which requires the Greeke tongue exactly, all the learning and skill of Philosop/tie, Historic of all sorts (especially naturall), knowledge of all vegetatives and Minerals, and whatsoever dwcls within the foure elements; Also Skill in Astronomy, Astrologie. And so much of the ludicialls 'vpon all manner of Calculations a.% maybe well warranted ; with much other kind of learning, art, and skill, whereof my young travailing Phisition and trading wayting woman never heard. Their meanes of Advancement are in these wayes, viz. To be Phisition of some Colledge in one of the Fniuersities, (as diners Colledges have such places) . Phisition to the King or Queenes person. Phisition to either ,t. More valour is required in a Sea Soldier than in a Land Soldier 5 because the extremitie of the place requires it. The Sea Captaine is exposed to as m.uh danger during the whole fight as the poorest > page 42. 170 Tom. of all Trades ; Or, man in the Ship ; where the land Captaine vseth but to offer his men to the face of the enemy, and than retreateth. The way to rise to preferment at Sea, is by the Admiralls Countenance, and the Vice Admiralls in the Kings seruice, or in other service by the favour of great traded Merchants, and especially of your ^bodies incorporate, and their chiefe Officers: and more especially their President and Treasurer for the time being. His breeding is a matter of more moment than his age regardeth. If he be true bred, he should be first made a perfect Nauigator, able to direct the Sterage of their course, able to know the tackle, and appoint every Sayler to his charge. He should know what number of Saylors, what Ordinance, and what munition, should be requisite for a Ship of such a burden. He should be a skilfull Caneere, and able to direct the Gunner'^, to say what quantity of powder a Peece of such bore and^ depth re- quireth, and of what weight the bullet should be where such a quantity of powder is vsed, whether the Peece be sound or hony- combed. He should be able to know and direct what quantity of victuall should be required for so many men for such a voyage. And what quantity of powder and shot. Also to ouersee and direct the Purser and Steward in the expence of their victuall without profusenesse, or too much percemonie. Likewise skilfull in all manner of Fire-workes, and fitting Engines for sea fight. Briefly, he should be so compleat, as that none should be able to teach him in his place, and he skilfull to controle every other in their places. He should be courteous and louing to his men ; Above all things, he should be zealous of the honour of God. See that the divine service be duely read on board Evening and Morning, and that swearing be severely pvmished. A Sea Captaine is not a place for a young *man to leape into instantly, and imediately out of a Ladies Vshership, a Great mans bed chamber, or a Littletons dis- cipleship. It is not your feathered Gallant of the Court, nor your Tauerne Roarer of the Citie, becomes this place, I assure you. I find not any Meson de dieu for relieving of mayned Marriners * page 43. * Gnnner i>i orig. ' ond in orig. * P^^ge 44. TJie plaine Path-way to Preferment. I'^i only, but that erected at Chaltam by Sir lohn Hawkins Knight, Trea- surer of tlie Navie of the late Q. Elizabeth, wherein it was provided that there should be a deduction of Sixpence by the Moneth, out of every man and boy their wages in every voyage towards the same, Whicli I could wish were aswell imployed as collected. The Land-Souldier followes. IF the Land-Souldier thinke to thrive and rise by degrees of service, from a Common Souldier to a Captaine, in this age, (alas) hee is much deceived. That custome is obsolete, and growne out of use. Doe what he can doe in Land-service, hee shall hardly rise by his single merit. His happinesse shall be but to fill his hungry belly, and Satiate himselfe upon a Pay day. Bat if hee be of Kinne, or a favourite to some great Officer, hee may carry the Colours the first day, bee a Lieutenant the second, and a Captaine before he knowes how many dayes goe to the weeke in their Regiment. The Land-service, where a man may learne most experience of Warre discipline, is in the Low -Countries, ^by reason of the long exercise of Warres and variety of Stratagems there. Beyond that. Northward, the service is both more unprofitable and more dangerous, and lesse experience is to be there learned. The more your Sonne turnes his face to the South, the more profitable the Land-service is. Lastly, if hee have no friend or kindred to raise him in the Land- service, I assure you that there is no Law against buying and selling of Offices in the Low-Countries, for ought that I have readj Neither is it markable amongst them. After the Souldier returnes home, it makes no matter what number of wounds hee can reckon about him. All the wayes of reliefe for him that I can number are these : A poore Knights place of IVindsor ; It the Herald report him a Gentleman, And the Knights of the Honourable Order of the Garter will accept him. > page 45. i"]! Tom of all Trades; Or, A Brother of Suttons Hospital ; If the Feoffees have not Servants of their owne to preferre before him. A Pensioner of the County ; If the Justices find him worth}'. And that hee was prest forth of the same County. Saint Thomas in South war ke, and St. Barthohnews, Sinith- Jield, onely till their wounds or diseases be cured, and no longer ; And that if the Masters of the sayd Hospitals please to receive them. For the Savoy, where Souldiers had a foundation, I know none now. ^And other Houses appropriated for reliefe of Souldiers, now in use, I remember none. For the chiefe are long since demolished. The Templarij are gone, The Knights of St. lohn of Jerusalem forgotten. That famous House upon Lincolne greene is rac'd to the ground. And many the like, now better knowne by the Records than the remaines of their ruines, with their Revenue, are all diverted from the uses of their first foundation to private and peculiar Inheritances, which I pity more than the dissolution of all the Monasteries that ever were. Heere, you see, is preferment enough for your sixe Sonnes, though you bestow every one upon a severall Profession; Onely take this generall Rule for all, viz. To what course soever your sonnes shall betake them, Bee sure that they all have Grammar learning at the least, So shall they bee able to receive and reteyne the impression of any the said Professions. And otherwise, shall scarce possibly become Masters in the same, or any one of them ; Or if they doe. It will bee with more than ordinary paines and difficulty. Your three Daughters challenge the next place. FOr theyr Portions I shewed you before, how and when to raise them ; That is, by the Marriage of your eldest Sonne, or out of that part of your personall estate which you may spare without pre- judice of your selfe. 1 page 46. The plainc Path-way to Preferment. i -^-^ ^For their breeding. I would have their breeding like to the Dutch irmnans clothing, tending to prolit onely and comelinesse. Though she never have a dancing Schoole-Master, A French Tutor, nor a Scotch Taylor to make her shoulders of the breadth of Bristow Cowsway, It makes no matter, For working in curious Italian purles, or French borders, it is not worth the while. Let them learne plaine workes of all kind, so they take heed of too open seam- ing. In stead of Song and Musicke, let them learne Cookery and Laundrie. And in stead of reading Sir Philip Sidneys Arcadia, let them read the grounds of good huswifery. I like not a female Poetresse at any hand. Let greater personages glory their skill in musicke, the posture of their bodies, their knowledge in languages, the greatnesse and freedome of their spirits, and their arts in arreigning of mens affections at their flattering faces : This is not the way to breed a private Gentlemans Daughter. If the mother of them be a good Huswife, and Religiously dis- posed, let her have the bringing up of one of them. Place the other two forth betimes, and before they can judge of a good manly leg. The one in the house of some good Merchant, or Citizen of civill and Religious government. The other in the house of some Lawyer, some ludge, or well reported lustice or Gentleman of the Country, where the Servingman is not too predominant. In any ot these she may learne what belongs to her improvement, for Sempstrie, for Confectionary, and all requisits of Huswifery. She shall be sure to be restrained of all ranke company and unfitting libertie, which 2 are the overthrow of too many of their Sexe. There is a pretty way of breeding young Maides in an Exchange shop, or St. Martins le grand ; But many of them get such a foolish Crick with carrying the Bandbox under their Apron to Gentlemens Chambers, that in the end it is hard to distinguish whether it be their belly or their bandbox makes such a goodly show. And in a trade where a woman is sole Chapman, she clainies such a preheminence over her husband, that she will not be held to give him an account of her dealings, eyther in retaile, or whole saile at any rate. » page 47. ^ page 48. 174 Tom of all Trades; Or, The Merchants Factor and Citizens servant of the better sort, cannot disparage your Daughters with their Societie. And the ludges, Lawyers, and Justices followers, are not ordinary Servingmen, but men of good breed, and their education for the most part Clarkely, whose service promiseth their farther and future advancement. Your Daughter at home will make a good wife for some good Yeomans eldest Sonne, whose father will be glad to crowne his sweating frugality with alliance to such a house of Gentry. The youngmans fingers will itch to be handling of Taftata ; and to be placed at the Table, and to be carved unto by Mistr'is Dorothie, it will make him and the good plaine old lone his Mother to passe over all respect of Portion or Patrimony. For your Daughter at the Merchants, and her sister, if they can carry it wittily, the City affords them varietie. ^The young Factor being fancy-caught in hisdayes of Innocency, & before he travaile so farre into experience as into forreigne Countries, may lay such a foundation of first love in her bosome, as no alteration of Climate can alter. So likewise may Thomas the fore-man of the Shop, when beard comes to him, as Apprentiship goes from him, be intangled and belymed with the like springs. For the better is as easily surprized as the worse. Some of your Clarkly men complaine the moysture of their palmesj Others the Sorpego in their wrists: both moving meanes. With a little patience your daughter may light upom some Counsailor at Law, who may be willing to take the young Wench, in hope of favour with the old Judge. An Attorney will be glad to give all his profits of a Michaelmas Terme, Fees and all, but to wooe her through a Crevice. And the Parson of the Parish, being her Ladies Chaplaine, will forsweare eating of Tithe Pig for a whole yeare, for such a parcell of Glehe Land at all times. And so much for your Sonncs and Daughters. I now espy mine Host of the Bull here in Saint Albans, standing at his doore upon his left leg, like to the old Drummer of Parish^- garden, ready to entertaine us. 1 page 49. 2 y-^;. Pa,-is (Jl/S. nofe). The plaine Path-waij to Preferment. 17-5 Tlierefore I will here conclude with that of the Poet, Navibus atcjMQ Qiiadragis petimus benevivere, quod petis hie est. Est Anglis, animus si te, nun deficit equus. FINIS. 1 LONDON, Printed by B. ALSOP and T. FAVVCET for Ben : Fisher, and are to bee sold at his Shop at the signe of the Talbot in Alders- gate-street. 1 63 1. [Cuttings from Booksellers' Catalogues, in the Douce copy : 1629. Powell (Thomas), Tom of all Trades. Rare and Extremely Curious, 2/. 2s. 681. Do. neat, very scarce, los. 6d. A copy of this uncommon Tract is priced 4/. I4,s. 6d. in Ford's Catalogue.] 1 page 50. i>M WM THE GLASSE of godly Loue. PAi ^^ LC^ U.^ ^ Whcrin all maricd couples may learne their duties, each toward o- t|)crs, arcortimcjto tf)c fjolu Scriptures : Verye necessary for all maryed men and women, that feare the Lorde, ^ loue tts labjrs, to f)aue it in t!}cir Bedchambers, daily to looke in : whereby they may know, and do their duties each vnto otiirrs, anti Icatie a gotilg, quiet, antr louins life togeatljers, to tije gloru of 0oti, antJ tlje gooti example of tijeir Cljristian Bretljcren, lames .i. See that ye be not only hearers of the worde, but alio doers, leall that therby yee deceaue your felues. ColoJJiaris .3. Aboue all thinges put on Loue, which is the band of perfeftion. 7CM^ v«J ^11 SHAKRPERB'S ENGLAND : TELL-TUOTH. 'To all Chriftian men and wo- 7nen that are ntaryed. ^'Orafnmch as the Diuel ?".? mojl ready to make ftrife, where there ought to bee moft lone ; and hath, with heddy wilfulnefle, concupifcence, and ignorance, fo bHnded the hartes of thole which hue vnder the yoke of Matrimony, that (as I may indge by their fruites) there be very few that leade their lyues therein according to the lawes of Chrifte : — Therfore, (my deare & welbeloued Chriftians, which profeffe the Golpell) to the intent that you fhould hue therin, according to your profeffion and knowledge, I haue here breefely and plainely fet forth what it is, and how you ought to leade your lyues therin, accordinge to the Rules of the holy Scriptures, fo that your pure and godly lyfe may bee a good example, and alfo make fuch alhamed as would fclaunder the holy Gofpell, and profeflburs of the famej yea, and that their wonted worde (which is, * marke thefe new men by their lyuinge') may found to Gods glory, to the honour of his moft holy worde, and praife of al them in Chrift which do profeffe the fame. Farewell in the Lorde. ' page 76. [Tliis Glasse of Godly Love forms pages 75 — 87 of wy imperfect copy of a tract, stated by Mr IV. C. Hazlitt to be unique, entitled The Schoole of honest and vertuous lyfe : Profitable and necessary for all estates and degrees, to be trayned in : but (cheefely) for the pettie SchoUers, the yonger sorte, of both kindes, bee they men or Women, by T. P. [Thomas Pritchard]. iVo date. The tract con- tains, p. 47 — 74, Also, a laudable and learned Discourse, of the worthy- nesse of honorable Wedlocke, written in the behalfe of all (aswell) Maydes as Wydowes, (generally) for their singuler instruction, to choose them vertuous and honest Husbandes : But (most specially) sent written as a lewell vnto a worthy Gentlewoman, in the time of her widowhood, to direct & guide her in the new election of her seconde Husband. By her approoued freend and kinseman, I. R. [John Rogers]. Imprinted at London by Richard Jolines, and are to be solde at his shop ouer against S. Sepulchers Church without Newgate. [1569.] 4^0, black Letter, A. — L. in fours. Hazlitt.] 179 'IVhat IVedlocke is. ►ii fliall firfl vnderftande, that Wedlocke is an hie and bleired order, ordained of God in Paradife } which hath euer bin had in great honor and reuerence, wher[i]n one man and one woman are coupled and knit togeather in one flelhe and body, in the feare and loue of God, by the free, louing, hartie, and good confent of them both, to the intente that they two may dwel togeather, as one flefli and bodye, of one will and minde, in all godlynelTe, moft louingly to helpe and comfort one another, to bring forth children, and to inftruft them in the lawes of God. Alfo, to auoyde Fornication and all vncleaneneffe, and fo in all honefty, vertue, and godlynefle, to fpend their lines in the equall partakinge of all fuch thinges as God fliall fend them, with thankes gyuinge. And, becaufe that the Wife is in fubie6tion to her Hufband, I will begin with her, & fliortly declare what dutie and obedience fliee oweth vnto him, by the commaundementes of the Scriptures. Ephe. 5. The duet'ie of the Wife to her Hufland. SAytiSi Pawle fayth : Yee Wiues,fulmit your fellies to your owne Huslandes, as to the Lorde; for the Husband is the Wiues head, as Chrijl is the head of the Congregation : Therfore, as the Congregation is infuhieBion vnto Chrifte, likewife let Wiues he infuhieBion to their Huslandes in al thinges. So that the wife muft bee obediente vnto her hufband, as vnto Chrift himfelfe; whereout it foloweth, that the l^iide obedience extendeth not vnto any wickedneffe or euill, but vnto that which is good, honeft, and cumly. In afmuch as God delighteth onely in goodnes, & forbiddeth the euill euery where, it foloweth alfo, that the difobedience that a wife flioweth to hir Hufband dif- pleafeth God no lefle then when he is difobeyed himfelf. For the wife ought to obey hir hufband in all pointes, as ^the Congregation ' page 77. ^ page 78. i8o A godly GlafTe, to Chrifte, which loueth Chrift onelyj and aboue all thinges, fliee is glad and willinge to fufFer for Chriftes fake, fhee doth all for the loue of him } Chrifte only is her comfort, ioy, and all togeathers 5 vpon Chrifte is hir thought daye and night; fliee longeth onely after Chrift, for Chriftes fake (if it may ferue to his glory) Ihee is hartelywell con- tented to die, yee, fliee giueth ouer her felfe wholly therto, for Chriftes loue, knowing afluredly that hir foule, hir honour, body, lyfe, and all that flie hath, is Chriftes owne. Thus alfo muft euery honeft Wife fubmit hir felf, to pleafe hir Hufband with all hir power, and giue hir felfe freely and willingly, to loue him and obey him, and neuer to forfake him till the houre of death. And farther (fayth S. Peter:) Let the Wines be in fubieBun to their Husbandes, that euen they which beleeue not the worde, may without the worde be wonne by the conuerfation of the Wiues ; while they beholde your pure conuerfation coupled with fear e ; whofe apparrell shall not bee outward with brodred haire, arid hanging on of Golde, either in putting on of gorgious apparrell ; but let the hid man of the harte bee vncorrupt, with a meeke and quiet fpirit, which fpirit is before God much fet by, for after this manner in the olde time did the holy Women which trufed in God tire themfelues, and were obedient to their Husbandes ; euen as Sara obeyed Abraham, and called him hir Lorde ; whnfe Daughters ye are as long as ye do well. And Paule, fpeakingvnto Tytus (fayth hee) : Let the elder Women beinfuch apparrell as becommeth holinejfe, not beeingfalfe accnfers ; not giuen to much Wine, but tJuit they teache honeft thinges to make the young Women fober minded, to loue their Husbandes, to loue their Children, to be difcrete, chafe, hufwifely, good, obedient vnto their Husbandes, that the worde of God be not euill fpoken of What a Wife ought to bee. HEre may you learne, that a "Wife ought to be difcret, chafte, hufwifely, fliamefaft, good, meeke, pacient, and ^ fober; not light in countenance, nor garilhe in apparrell, with dyed or curled haire, painted nor pafted, but with a cumly grauitie and a fad be- hauiour of a conftant minde, true tongued, and of few wordes, with fuch obedience in all godlynefle to her Hulbande and head, as it befeemes 1 page 79. of the duties in Maryage. i8i a Chriftian to haue vnto Clirift ; and to the intente that the Hufband in like cafe may learne his duetie, let him harken what Saindl Pawle fayth, and take heede that hee turne not his authoritie to t}Tanny. The dutie of the Husband to his Wyfe. HJ(/bandes, loue your IFiues (fayth hee), as Chrijlloued the Con- gregation, and gaue himfelfe tofanBifie it. Now muft you vnderftande, that the Hufbande is the Wiues head^ as Chrifte is the head of the congregation ; and Chrifl ihoweth to the congregation the fame thinge that the head fhowelh to the bodye^ for like as the head feeth and heareth for the whole body, ftudieth and deuifeth for to preferue it in ftrength and life, euen fo doth Chrifle defend, teach, and preferue his congregation. For hee is the eye, hart, wifedome, and guide therofj fo ought Hulbands (then) to loue their wiues, & be their heads in like manner to fhow them like kindeneffe, and after the fame fafliion to guide them and rule them with dif- cretion ; for their preferuacion, & not with force or wilfulnefTe to intreat them. And S. Pawle faith farther : So ought men to loue their wiues, as their owne bodies ; he that loueth his wife loueth him/elf. For no man hath at any time hated his owne flesh, hut doth nourish and cherish it, euen as the Lorde doth the Congregation. Therfore ought euery man moft feruently to loue his wife, equally witA himfelfe in al pointes ; for this is the meafure of mutuall loue Matrimoniall, that either partie haue nothing fo deare that they can not be contented to beftow one vpon another 3 ye, and if neede fhould be, they fliould alfo not fpare their owne Hues one for another, no more then chrift did for his con- gregation. ^ And like as when we repent and beleeue in the promife of God in Chrift, (though we were neuer fo poore finners), are as ritch as Chrift, & al merites ours 5 fo is a Woman (though Ihe were neuer {o poore afore Ihe was maried) as ritch as hir hufband, for all that he hath is hirs, ye, his owne bodye, and [fhe] hath power ouer it, as faith SainSi Pawle. And if it fo chaunce that you finde not your wife fo perfe6t in al pointes as you would, or as your felfe j yet muft you not difpife hir, nor bee bitteer nor cruell vnto hir for hir faultes, but gently and ' page 80. 1 82 " A godly GlaiTe, louingly feeke to amend and win hir. For, like as Chrifte thought no fcorne of his church, difpifed hir not, neither forfooke hir for hir vn- cleanenes and finnes ; fo Ihould no cliriftian man fpurne at his wife, nor {et Hght by Jiir, becaufe that fometime fhe falleth, offendeth, or goeth not right j but euen as Chrift nourifheth and teacheth his church, fo ought euery honeft hufbande (alfo) louingly and gently to informe & inflru£t his wife. For in many things (faith S. Peter) God hath made the men ftronger then the women, not to rage vpon them & to be tirantes vnto them, but to helpe them & beare their weakenefTe. Bee curteous therfore, (faith hee,) and win them to Chrift, and ouercome them with kindeneffe, that of loue they may obey the ordinance that God made beetweene man and "Wife. Oh how afliamed be thofe men to loke vpon this texte, which with violence in their furye will intreate their wiues ; no beaft fo beaftly, for in the moft cruelft way is not mete, as when the wife is fad and difquieted, then with fpiteful wordes and wanton fafliions, fo prouoking hir to anger. Where it is not the dutie of the hufband, but rather afliamed to his owne headj likewife it is vi^orfliip for a man to haue the feare of the Lorde before his eyes, that he prouoke not the plague of vengeance. Let vs therfore haue humilitie in our hartes ; For, as a wife man loketh well to his owne goinges, euen fo pleafant are the wordes fpoken in due feafon, which moueth the woman in hir wrath vnto patience, whereof Salamon 'fayth : Faire wordes are an Hony Cojnhe, a refresh- inge of the minde, and a health of the lones. For it is feldome feene thai any beaft is found in the cruelft rage, that the Male doth euer hurte his Female ; and how vnnatural a thing is it for a man to hurt his owne flefli and body ! Who will violently reuenge himfelfe, yea, on his foote, if it chaunce to ftumble, but wil not rather, if hee haue an yll bodye, cherilh it to make it better ? Theftrong (faith S. Pawle) ought to beare thefrailene^ffe of the iveake ; let onefuffer with another ; leare ye one an others burden, andfo shall ye fulfill the lawes of Chrljl : and aboue all t hinge (fayth S. Peter), Haue feruent loue amongji you, for loue couereth the multitude of faultes. So that loue in all things and at all times ought to bee the ^ page 8i. of the duties in Maryage. 183 whole doore and only inftrument to worke and frame all things bc- tweene man and wife. What the Husland ought to lee. BY all this may yea geather and learne that the man is the head, gouernour, ruler, & inftrudter (with gentil wordes ami good example), the prouyder, defender, and whole comforte of the woman, and oweth vnto hyr moft feruent loue and afFe6lion, all gentle be- hauiour, all faythfulnes and helpe, all comforte and kindenelTe, as to him felfe, his owne fleih and bodyj fo that vnder God there is no loue, no affeftion, no freendflnip, no nerenes of kin, to be compared vnto this, nor any one thing vnder the Sun, that plealeth God more the« man and wife that agree well togeathers, which line in the feare of God. And how can that bee more liuely exprelled, then in that, that lefus Chrifl the Sonne of God, and the holy chrillian Church, and the holy body of them both, are fet forth for an example or Mirror of the ftate of Wedlocke, or coniugall loue ? a more holy, a more godly and purer example could not be fhewed. Undoubtedly this doth plainely (liow, that loue Matrimoniall is moft highly ac- cepted afore God ; and the ' contrary muft needes f olow, tJiai vnquiet- nes, hatred, ftrife, brawling, chiding, and frowardnes in Mariage, doth exceedingly dilpleafe God, & is clearely forbidden by SairiSi Paivle, where hee fayth : Let all bitterne//e, Jiercenejfe, and wrath, roaringe, and curfed /peaking, he put away from you : he ye curteous and lou'mge one to another, and merciful, forgeuing one another, euen as God for Chriftes fake forgaue you. Surely it is an highe and pure loue, per- fe6te and conftant, that God requireth to be betweene maryed couples, and therfore ought they by all wayes, meanes, and labour to get, maintaine, and increafe this exceding loue, and to efchue, forbeare, and cut of all things, that might occafion any parte of the contrary. JVliat maintaineth loue and (juietnefje in Mariage. ANd vndoubtedly there is nothing that longer maintaineth Con- corde and quietnes, nor more increaieth perfe6le loue in Maryage, then fweet and faire wordes, gentle and freendly deedes, and with a louing patience to take all things to the beft. Freely to breake ' page 82. 1 84 A godly Glaffe, their mlndes togeathers, and al things to be kept fecret, both^ glad and willing to amend that is amiife, and aboue all thinge, not once one to heare yl of another, for S. Pawle warneth you that ye giue no place to the backebiters, but take them as yll willers to you both, though that they be neuer lb nere freendes or kin. And God layth, A man shall forfake Father and Mother, and cleaue vnto his Ifif'e, and they (wo shalle one Jlesh, which in like cafe is mente to the JFbman. Therfore ought no creature aliue to be in fuch efteemation, credit, fauour, and loue, as each of you with others. Alfo, to bee of a fober and temperate dyet, doth much farther a good agreement ; and where the contrary is, there is much vnquietnelTe. For Salomon alkinge where is woe? where is ftrife? where is brawling? euen amongft thofe (faith hee) that bee euer at the Wine ; therfore it is moil cumly for chriftians to be temperate in dyet, tempe^rate in wordes, temperate in deedes, and temperate in all things, fo that at all times ye efchue al excelfe and furfet, rage and fury, which makes no difference betwixt man and beaft, and all other things which may breed any part of vnquietnelTe. For Salomon fayth : Better is a dry morfell ivith quietnejje, then a full houfe, and many fat cattell with Jlrfe. Therfore ought yee to exteeme and imbrace this concord and quietneffe, as the maintainer and onely vpholder of the whole felicitie in IMariage, which is engen- dred of feruent loue, faithfulneffe, and kindenelfe, and maintained by the fame, wherin ye ought continually to walke in all chaltenes and purenes of lining, which (alfuredly) Ihineth as a moll precious thinge in the fight of God, and in the commendacion of the fame, fayth : The commendacion of Chaftitie. SAlomon in the Booke of Wifedome : O faire is a chall: generacion with vertue, for it is with good men, where it is prefent, men take example therat, and if it go away, yet they defire \t; it is al- wayes crowned and holdeu in honour, and winneth the reward of the vndetiled Battelj but the multitude of vngodly Children are vnproftt- able, and the things that are planted in whoredome lliall take no deepe roote, nor lay any fall foundacion ; though they be greene in the braunches for a time, yet Ihall they be Ihaken with the winde, for they Hand not fall, and through the vehemency of the winde they 1 otig. doth * page 83. of the duties in Maryage. 1 85 (hal bee rooted out, for the vnprofitable braunches fhall bee broken, their Iruite flialbe vnprofitable & fower to eate, yee, meet for no- thing; and why ? all the children of the wicked muft beare recorde of the wickednefTe of their Fathers and Mothers, when they be afked, but t[h]o the rightuous bee oucr taken with death, yet fliall hee be in reft. Here may you fee how vile, filihye, and abhominable. Adultery, Fornication, and Bafterdy is, and how high in eftemacion a chafte life is amongrt all good antl godly ^folke, and efpecially in the fight of God, to whom no fecreat linne is hid. That maryedfolke ought to haue chafte manners and communication. ANd as a chaft louinge life in Mariage is moft co/nmended, fo ought ye to be of chaft manners, to haue chaft talke, and to efchue all wanton falhions, vnclenly communication, filthy handling, and all vnfeemelyneffe, and to be the fpeakers and very doores of all vertue and godlinefle, for Saindi Pawle fayth : Be yefoloivers of God as deare Children, and walhe in loue, euen as Chrijl loued you, and gaue himfelfefor vs an qff'ering, and afacrifice of fweete fauour to God, fo that fornication and all vncleaneneffe, or couetoufnejfe, lee not once named amongeji you, as becommeth SainSis, neither filthy nor foolifh talke, neither iefing, which are not cumly, hut rather giuinge of thankes : for this ye know, that whoremongers, eyther vncleane perfons, or couet- ous perfons, which is the worshippers of Images, shall haue any entrance in the kingdome of God and of Chrifte. Of temperance in Maryage. ALfo, there ought to be a temperance betweene man & wife, for God hath ordained mariage for a remedy or medecine, to af- fwage the heate of the burninge fleih, and for procreation, and not beaftly for to fulfill the whole lurtes of the diuelifli minde and wicked flelh ; for, though ye haue a promife that the a6te in mariage is no finne, if the man receaue his Wife as aguifte giuen to him of God, and the Wife her Hulbande in like cafe, as ye haue a promife that yee finne not when yee eate and drinke meafurably with thankes giuinge, > page 84. 1 86 A godly GlafTe, yet if yee take excefle, or vfe it beaftly, vilely, or inordinately, your miftemperance make[s] that yll which is good, (beeinge rightly vfed, and that which is cleane, yee defile through your abulinge ^of it: Gud hath not called you to vncleanenejfe, hut vnto holynejfe, fayth S. Pawle) : and farther (fayth hee), It is the will of God, euen that you should bee holye, and that euery one of you should know how to keepe his vejjell in holynes and honour, and not in the lufles of concupifcence, as do the Heathen which know not God. Alfo, SainB Pawle willeth you that yee withdraw not your felues, nor departe not one from another, except it bee with the good con- fente of bothe, for a time to fafte and to pray ; which faftinge and prayer, I would to God were more vfed then it is, not as Hipocrites were wont, but as Chriftians ought, and are commaunded (almoft) in euery parte of the Scriptures ; for they that in eating and drinkinge fulfill the whole luftes of the fleflie, cannot worke after the fpirite j and as wee daylie and hourely continually finne, fo ought wee con- tinually to praye and call for grace. And in all the whole Byble, you fhal not finde a more godly example of maryage (which I would to God all maryed folkes would reade), then that of ToHach and Sara, the Daughter of Raguell, which were knit togeather in faftinge and prayer, and oft vfed the fame, lyuinge a godly, pure, and cleane lyfe } for the which they obtayned the bleflinge of God, and faw their Childerns Children to the fifte generacion. The commendacion of Children. CHildren (vndoubtedly) is the higheft guift, and greateft treafure of this worlde, and maintenaunce of the fame. For Children is the very fure band and laft knot of loue Matrimonial; by the which the parents can neuer be clearely feperated a funder ; In afmuch as that which is of them both cannot be deuided, feeing both haue parte in euery one. And children are their Parents cheefe ioy, comfort, and fehcitie next vnto Godj their ftayand ftaffe & vpholders of their agej and in their children do the Parents line (in a manner) after their death. For they dye not all togethers, thai leaue collops of their owne flefh aliue ^behinde them; and by their children (if they be ver- tuoufly and godly brought vp) then is God honoured, & the common ' page 85. ^ page 86. of the duties in Maryage. 187 wealth aduaunced, fo that the parents and all men fare the better by them. Your children (moft alluredly) is the very blefling of god, for the which ye ought to giue him moft hartie thankes, and be con- tented, and with fuch as hee doth fende you, bee they many or few, Sonnes or Daughters. For if they be many, he wil prouide for them if they be faithful. If they be few, he may fend you more, and giue you more ioy of one daughter the« of ten fonnes. Therfore, be content with his will, for hee doth all things for the beft, and knoweth what is befte for youj giue him moft hartie thankes for fuch as you haue, and be diligent to fee them vertuoufly and godly brought vp j and in any cafe, fuffer them not to bee ydell. Hoiu children ought to lee brought vp. F Or they that wil not worke (faith S. Pawle), let them not eate ; ther- fore put them to learne fome honejl Science or Crafte, wherunto of nature they be moji apt. For in thatjhal they mofi profte ; in the which they may get their owne lyuinge, andferue the common wealth. And aboue al thing, let them firft learne to know God & his moft holy worde, which is the right pathe and highe way to all vertue and godlineffe, the fure Shielde and ftronge Buckler to defende vs from the Diuell and all his cruell and craftie affaultes; giue them daily godly and louinge exhortacions, fuffer no vice to take roote in them, but rebuke them for their yll, and commend them in their well dooinge. Prouide honeftly afore hand for all neceffary thinges, both for them and all your houfehold. For, faith S. Pawle to Timothie : If there bee any that prouideth not for his owne, and, namely, for them of his houfeholde, the fame denyeth the fayth, and is worfe then an Lifidell. ^ The order of your houfe. OF the Sparrowes may yee learne the order of your houfehold : for as the Cocke flyeth too and fro to bring all thinge to the neaft, and as the dam keepeth the neaft, hatcheth and bringeth foorth hir yonge, fo all prouilion, and whatfoeuer is to bee doone without the houfe, belongeth to the man ; and the woman to take charge within, to fee all thinges conueniently faued, or fpent as it ought, to bring > page 87, 1 88 A godly GlafTe, forth and nourifh hlr children, and to haue al the whole dooing of hir Daughters and women. Alio be louing vnto your children, and be not fierce nor cruell vnto them. For S. Pawle faith: Fathers, rate not your children, leajl they be of a defperate minde, hut with difcrete admonitions, and with your pure and good example of liuinge {which is the cheefefl perfwqfion') , lead them to all vertue and godlyneffe. If all Parentes would vertuoufly bringe vp their children in the knowledge and feare of God, in the praftice & exercife of fome honeft Science or Craft, Then fhould we not fee fo many ydell as bee ; fo many Vacabondes, Theeues, and Murderers, fo many vicious perfons of all degrees, nor fuch vngodlynes raigne. But then ihould wee fee euery man honeltly get his lyuing, preferring his Neighbours proffite as his owne ; then Ihould wee fee all men rightly do their duties ; then fliould loue and charity fpring, and all godlyneffe raigne j then fliould the Lawes and Magiftrates be willingly obeyed, the commora wealth flourilh, and God rightly honoured, for in this point only, through the grace of God, confiftes the amendment of all the whole worlde. Therfore, (my deare and welbeloued Chriflians) feeing that in this bleffed flate of Matrimony, and godly houfeholde of hufband, wife, and children, confiftes (next vnder God) the cheefeft and higheft fehcitie of this worlde, and maintenance of the fame, wherein the common wealth is wholly aduaunced, and God moft highly honoured, I ^exhort you in the name of lefus Chrift, the Sonne of the liuinge God, that you walke worthely therin, accordinge to the will of Chrift, which you profeife without faining, and that you efchue all woorkes and deedes of the flellie, which bee thefe, faith S. Pawle : adultery, Fornication, vncleanenejje , wantonnejfe. Idolatry, IVitchcrafte , hatred, varyance, wrath, firife,f edition, fecles, enuyinge, murther, drunkennefje, gluttony, and fuch like ; of the tvhich I tell you before, as I haue tolde you"^ in times paf, that they which commit fuch thinges shall not inherite the kingdome of God. Therfore, follow yee the fpirit and workes of the fame, which bee, (fayth S. Pawle) : Loue, ioy, peace, longefuf- fering, gentilneffe, goodneje, faithful ne (J e, meekeneffe, temperance, and fuch like. And yet once agayne I exhort you with the exhorta- ' page 88. - ofig. you you of the duties in Maryage. 189 cion of S. Pau'lf : If there he amongJI you any confolatinn in ChriJI, if there be any comfortable hue, if there be any felowship of thefpirit, if there be any compos/ion of mercy, fulfill you my ioy, that ye draw one way, hauing one hue, beeing of one accorde, and of one minde, that nothing bee done through Jlrife or vaine glory, but that in meekeiiejje oj minde, euery one ejleeme other better then them felfe, andfo shal you leade a ioyfull, quiet, and godly life in this world, and after, through lefus ChriJI, come to the life euerlafing, with God the Father, to whom lee all honour and glory. Amen, Rom, 10. If the roote bee whole, the braunchcs Jhall bee ivhole a/Jo. F I N I S. 190 QUOTATIONS FROM THE BIBLE IN THE GLASSE OF GODLY LOVE. Title page, p. 177, Jaju. i. 22 ; Col. iii. 14. p, 179, Yee Wives, &c., Eph. v. 22-4. p. 180, Let the Wives, &c., i Pet iii. 1—6 ; Let the elder Women, &c., Titus ii. 3 — 5. p. 181, Husbandes, love your Wives, &c., Eph. v. 25 ; So ought men, &c., Idem. 28-9 ; his owne bodye, &c., I Cor. vii. 4. p. 182, For in many things, &c., i Pet. iii. 7, 8 ? Faire wordes, &c., Prov. xvi. 24 ; the strong, &c., Ro)n. xv. i ; let one suffer, &c., i Cor. xii. 26 ? beare ye, &c., Gal. vi. 2 ; and above all thinge, &c., i Pet. iv, 8. p. 183, Let all bitternesse, &c., Eph. iv. 31. p. 184, A man shall forsake, &c., Gen. ii. 24 ; For Salomon askinge, &c., Prov. xxiii. 29, 30 ; Better is a dry morscll, &c., Prov. xvii. i ; Salomon in the Booke of Wisdome, IVisdom iv. 1—7. p. 185, Be ye folowers, &c., Eph. v. i — 5. p. 186, God hath not called you, &c., I Thess. iv. 7 ; It is the will of God, &c., Idejfi. 3—5 ; Also, Sainct Pawle, &c., i Cor. vii. 5. p. 187, For they that wil not worke, &c., 2 Thess. iii. 10 ; If there bee any, &c., i Tim. v. 8. p. 188, Fathers, rate not your children, &c., Eph. vi. 4 ; Adultery, &c., Gal. v. 19 — 21 ; Love, &c.. Idem. 22. p. 189, If there be amongst you, &c., Philipp. ii. i — 3 ; If the roote, &c., Ro/n. xi, 16. 191 NOTES. p. xiii. John Lane and Miltofi's father. " Besides these, there re- mains, as evidence of Lane's perseverance, a long manuscript poem in the Museum [Royal MS., 17. B. xv.], dated i62i,and entitled Triton's Trumpet to the Twelve Months, husbanded and moralised. In it there is a distinct allusion to the scrivener Milton, in his capacity as a musical composer. Here it is — specimen enough of all Lane's poetry ! — Accenting, airing, curbing, ordering Those sweet parts Meltonus did compose. As wonder's self amazed was at the close. Which in a counter-point maintaining liielo 'Gan all sum up thus -r Allelidah Deo'' But, more interesting still, another of Lane's manuscripts— that of " Guy of Warwick"— furnishes us with a specimen of the musician's powers in returning the compliment. This manuscript had evidently been pre- pared for the press ; and on the back of the title-page is a sonnet headed '■'■Johannes Melton, Londinensis civis, amico suo viatica, in poesis laudem ;" that is, " John Milton, citizen of London, to his wayfaring friend in praise of his poetry." The sonnet is so bad that Lane might have written it himself ; but, bad or good, as a sonnet by Milton's father, the world has a right to see it. So here it is :— " If virtue this be not, what is ? Tell quick ! For childhood, manhood, old age, thou dost write Love, war, and lusts quelled by arm heroic, Instanced in Guy of Warwick, knighthood's light : Heralds' records, and each sound antiquary, For Guy's true being, life, death, eke hast sought, To satisfy those \\\):\c\\. pravaricari j Manuscript, chronicle, if might be bought ; Coventry's, Winton's, Warwick's monuments, Trophies, traditions delivered of Guy, With care, cost, pain, as sweetly thou presents, To exemplify the flower of chivalry : From cradle to the saddle and the bier, For Christian imitation all are here." ' 1 " Harl. MS. 5243. Mr. Hunter was the first to print this sonnet ; and also, so far as I am aware, to refer, in connexion with Milton, to Lanes MSS. generally." —1859. D. Masson's Li/c of Milton, i. 42-3. 192 Notes for p. xiii to p. 6. p. xiii. John Lane's Tritoii^s Triintpet. " Phillips . . omits ' T7'itoii's Trumpet' undoubtedly by Lane, and dated 1620, in which the death of Spenser in 1599 is mentioned, with all the particulars of his sufferings and poverty, and the vain wish of the Earl of Essex to relieve them. ('Life of Spenser,' edit. 1862, p. cli)."— J. P. Collier, Bibliographical Catalogue, i. 448. — F. p. xvii. note i. Powell's Welch Bayte. 5'" Decembris Valentine Yt is ordered that he shall presently brint;^ into the hall, to be used Synims according to the ordonance in ///at behalf. Thirtie bookes oi the zoelsk- bate. and all the ballades that he hath printed of the Traytours lately An-ayned at Winchester. Valentine also Yt is ordered that he shall pay xii' s iiij d for a fine for Symms printing the same book and ballad without Licence. And not to meddle with printing or selling any of the same bookes or ballads hereafter. Arber's Transcript of the Stationers' Registers, iii. 249. See also ii. 837. p, xxiii. T. Powell's Mysterie of Lending and Borrowing. Here is " The Authors Inuocation. THou spirit of old Gybbs, a quondam Cooke, Thy hungry Poet doth thee now inuoke, T-infuse in him the iuyce of Rumpe or Kidney, And he shall sing as sweet as ere did Sidney : I am not so ambitious as to wish For black spic'keale, or such a pretious dish. As Dottrels caught by pretty imitation. Nor any thing so hot in operation, As may inflame the Liuer of mine Host, To sweare I chalke too much vpon the post : My selfe a dnmn'd Promethian I should thinke. If with the Gods Scotch-Ale, or Meth, a drinke. The vulgar to prophane, Metheglin call. Or drops which from my Ladies Lembick fall. In seuerall spirits of a fifth transcendence, No, no, the hungry belly calls my mind thence : I wish not for Castalian cups, not I, But with the petty-Canons being dry, And but inspir'd with one bare Qu : let any Compare with vs for singing (O Sydany.) Thy Pot-herbs, prithy, Robbin, now afford. Perfume the Altar of thy Dresser-boord, And couer it with Hecatombes of Mutton, As fat and faire as euer knife did cut on : Then will I sing the Lender and the Debter, The martiall Mace, the Serieant and the Setter, Ruines and reparations of lost wealth. Still, Where you see me, Trust vnto your selfe." p. 4, 1. II. Lelaps. A dog of surpassing swiftness given by Diana to Procris, and by her presented to her husband Cephalus. See Ovid's Melamorphoses, vii, 11. 771-93, for an account of Laelaps. — S. p. 5, 1. 15. dangkters of twentye . . to rich cormorants of threescore. Compare Chaucer's Merchant's Tale of January and May. — F. p. 6, 1. 2. Durum pati moninisse dulce. Cf. ./£"«., L 203. Daniello Notes for p. 6 — 32. 193 in a note to tlic Infcino, xvi. 84, attributes this quotation to Seneca, but docs not give a precise reference. Sec Lombardi's Dante, I. 351, ed. 1830.— S. p. 6, 1. 7. Thiuges farre fctc]itc and dccrc boiighte. See Notes to Stafford's Exatiitiia/ion, p. 103. — F. p. 7, 1. 3, for: from, against : ' now will I dam up this thy yawning mouth for swallowing the treasure of the realm,' 2 Hen. VI, IV. i. 74 ; * and advise thee to desist for going on death's net,' Pericles, I. i. 40. — Schnudt. — F. p. 7, I. 6. Sic volo, sic jubeo, stet pro ratione voliinias. Juvenal, S. vi. 223. The usual reading is " Hoc volo, sic jubeo, sit, &c." — S. p. 8, 1. 4. women with nothing more contented then to haue their willes. Compare Chaucer's Wife of Balk's Tale ; Andrew Boorde's Brevyary, chap. 242, in my edition of his Introduction, &:c. (E. E. T. Soc.) p. 68, and note there. — F. p. 10, 1. 9. had I wist is a slender remedy to ronove repentamice. " I write not here a tale of had I wist : But you shall heare of travels &c." — J. Taylor (Water Poet), Pennilesse Pilgrima(^e, Spenser Soc. ed., p. 132, 11. 2-3. "A wise man saith not, had I wist."— Uncertain author in Tot- tel's Miscellany, Arbor's ed. p. 244. — P. A. D. " When dede is doun, hit ys to lat ; be ware of hady-wyst." — The Good Wyfe Wold A Pylgremage : Qiieeite Elizabethes Achadcmy, E. E. T. S., p. 42, 11. 119-20. — S. p. 26, 1. 8 from foot. ' Knight of the Post. Properly, a man who gained his living by giving false evidence on trials, or false bail ; in a secondary sense, a sharper in general. " A knight of the -post, quoth he, for so I am tearmed ; a fellow that will sweare you any thing for twelve pence." — Nash, Pierce Penilesse, 1 592. " But is his resolution any way infracted, for that some refractaries are (like knights of the post) \\\rQd to witnesse against him?" — Ford's Line of Life, 1620.' — (Additions to) Nares, — F. p. 26, 1. 24. "^ supplication from Pierce Pennilesse.'" An allusion to a satire written by Thomas Nash, entitled " Pierce Penilesse, his Suppli- cation to the Divell ; describing the over-spreading of Vice, and the suppression of Vertue. Pleasantly interlaced with variable delights, and pathetically intermixt with conceipted reproofcs," Lond. 1592; Watts, Bib. Brit.—S. p. 29, 1. 12-13. Three instances of the genitive // in two lines : // delighte, // ioy, it beginning. See too p. 90, 1. 9 from foot. — F. p. 30, 1. 9-10. This proverb of the Pitcher going long to the water, but getting broken at last, is in Dan Michel's Aycnbite of Inwyt, A.D. 1340 : "Zuo longe ge> l^et pot to the wetere, \&\. hit comf^ tobroke hom," p. 165, 1. 7 from foot, ed. Stevenson, for Roxburghe Club. — F. p. 32, 1. 1 3 from foot, it was the parte of Mad Men, ik-c. A free expan- sion of " Quare in tranquillo tompestatem adversam optare dementis est, subvenire autem tempestati quavis ratione sapientis." — Cic. Off., I. xxiv. 5.-S. SHAKSPERE's ENGLAND : TELL TROTH. 13 194 Notes for p. 33— 55- p. 33, ]. 17. n tooting head : one with horns, through which men toot or blow, the mark of a cuckold. — F. p. 33, 1. 30. where Christes crosse staiides : that is, at the head of the alphabet. ^ La croix de par dieu. The Christs-crosse-row ; or Horne- booke wherein a child learnes it.' — Cotgrave. — F. p. 36, 1. 3 . iiiistrisse her tiecke. This absurd form of the possessive case came in from the mistake in the masculine, ' Robin good-fellow kis newes,' p. 49, &c., as if the genitive -s, -es was contracted from his. In the second text of Layamon's Brut are many of these genitives in his, some of them to feminine nouns. They arose from the scribe of that MS. being very fond o( h's, and putting h on to the genitives in -is, which -is was often written apart from the crude form of its noun.^ — F. p. 36,1. II. nor so many yeeld iippe the possession of tlieir garmentes to the hangman. " There was a curst page that his master whipt naked, and when he had been whipt, would not put on his cloaths ; and when his master bad him, 'take them you, for they are the hangman's fees.' " — Bacon's Apophthegms, No. 69, JMiscellaneoiis Writings of Francis Bacon, 1802. — S. P- 39? 1- 3- Omnia vincit Amor, et nos cedamiis amori. — Virgil, Eel. X. 69. — S. p. 39, 1. 12. that babie which lodges in wometis and mens eies. The reflected images of himself seen by a lover in the pupils of his mistress's eyes, or vice versd. Cf " So when thou [Love] sawst in natures cabinet Stella, thou straight lookst babies iti her eyes.''' — Sidney's Ast?'ophel and Stella, sonnet xi. 11. 9-10. In Massinger's Rcnegado, II. iv, p. 129, col. i, ed. Gifford, 1840, Donusa says to Vitelli, " When a young lady wrings you by the hand, thus, Or with an amorous touch presses your foot, Looks babies in your eyes, plays with your locks, Do not you find without a tutor's help, What 'tis she looks for ? "— S. p. 43, 1. 14. ' Thirteen Pence Halfpenny was considered as the hang- man's wages very early in the 17th century. How much sooner, I have not noticed. " 'Sfoot, what a witty rogue was this to leave this fair tJii7'teen pence halfpenny, and this old halter, intimating aptly, Had the hangman met us there, by these presages, Here had been his work, and here Ids wages." Match at Midnight, Old Plays, vii. 357. " If I shold, he could not hang me for't ; 'tis not worth thirteen pence halfpenny." — J. Day's Humour out of Breath, sign. F. 3.' — Nares. — F. p. 55, 1. 22. Greenes Cunnyberries, Robert Greene's Coney-burrows, alluding to his four Coneycatching tracts : I. A Notable Discouery of Cosnage, 1591 ; II. The Second Part of Conny-catching, 159 1 ; III. The Third and last part of Conny-catching, With the new deuised knavish arte of Foole-taking, 1592. IV. A Disputation Betweene a Hee Conny- catchcr and a Shee Conney-catcher, whether a Theafe or a Whorer is Notes tor [). ^j — 68. 1^3 most hurtfull in Cousonagc, to the Commonwealth. Discouering the Secret Villanies of alhiring Strumpets. With the Conuersion of an Enghsh Courtizen, reformed this present yeare 1592. — Hazlitt. — F. p. 55, last line, then on goes her pantoples. " Such is the Nature of these nouises that think to haue learning without labour, that for the most parte they staiide so on tlicir pantuJJIes, that they be secure of perils, obstinate in their own opinions, impatient of labour, apt to con- ceive wrong, credulous to believe the worst, ready to shake off their olde acquaintance without cause, and to condemne them without colour." — Eiiphucs^ p. 47, ed. Arber. Sander. . . " Why looke you now, ile scarce put up plain Sander now at any of their hands ; for and any body have any thing to do with my master, straight they come crouching upon me, — ' I beseech you good M. Sander speake a good word for me,' — and then I am so stowt and take it upon me, and stand upon my patitoffles to them, out of all crie, why I have a life like a giant now." — Taming of a Shrew, p. 174, ed. Nichols, Six old Plays. " Stande thou orj, thy pantuffles, and shee will vayle bonnet." — Euphues, p. 117. — P. A. Daniel. p. 68, 1. 7 from foot, willing her, . . . either then or never to consent to the saving 0/ all their lives. Abduction was punishable with death. By statute 39 Eliz. c. 9, principals, procurers, or accessories before the fact, were deprived of benefit of clergy. See Blackstone's Commentaries, ed. Kerr, 1862, iv. 231. — S. The preamble of the Act of Elizabeth, passt in 1597, illustrates the story in the text, and runs thus : — " Whereas of late times diuers women, as well maydens as widowes, and wiues hauing substance, some in goods mooueable, and some in lands and tenements, and some being heires apparent to their Ancestours, for the lucre of such substance bene oftentimes taken by misdoers, con- trary to their will, and after maried to such misdoers, or to others by their assent, or defiled, to the great displeasure of God, and contrary to your Hig[h]nesses Lawes, and disparagement of the said women, and great heauinesse and discomfort of their friends, and ill example of others ; which offences, albeit the same be made felonie by a certaine act of Parliament made in the third yeere of King Henrie the seuenth : Yet forasmuch as Clergie hath been heretofore allowed to such Offenders, diuers persons haue attempted and committed the said offences in hope of life by the benefit of Clergie' : — Be it therefore enacted &c." Chris- topher Barker's edition of 1597, sign. E. This edition contains two acts more than the Record Office one, namely, " 26 An Act for confirmation of the Subsidies granted by the Clergie. 27 An Act for the grant of three entire Subsidies, and sixe Fifteenes and Tenths granted by the Temporalitie." Chap. 7, ' An Act for the more speedie payment of the Queenes Maiesties debts ', looks as if Q. Elizabeth was insolvent : but 1 Education the excuse for crime ! The doctrine sounds odd now. 196 Notes for p. 69 — 8 fS 'the Queen's debts' were debts due to her, like 'the Queen's traitors' were traitors against her. — F. p. 69, 1. 8. tlie counsell Table. The concihum ordinarium, commonly known as the court of star chamber, a branch of the privy council which assumed jurisdiction over many offences cognizable in the ordinary law courts. See Hallam's History of England^ vol. I. chap. i. — S. p. 69, 1. 8. she tolde so good a tale for him, &c. If a woman was married by her abductor, she was allowed to give evidence against him of the abduction, contrary to the then general rule that a wife's evidence could not be received against her husband. See Blackstone's Cojfnnent- aries, iv. 231. — S. p. 71, 1. 10 from foot, cooling carde. So Suffolk in i Hen. VI. ,Y. iii. 83 : " There all is marr'd ; there lies a cooling card." Not Shakspere's. — F. A letter from Euphues to Philautus is entitled, "A cooling Carde for Philautus and all fond lovers."— Euphues, Arber's ed. p. 106, " Card. (2) A chart. Harrison, p. 39." — Halliwell's Diet.— S. p. 75, 1. 3 from foot, a tantiuie pigge. St Anthony's. Sje I'rand's Antiquities, ed. Ellis, 1841, i. 200, note a, col. 2. And "St. Anthony's church in Threadneedle street, belonging to an hospital of that Saint, and dedicated to St. Anthony of Vienna as early as Henry III. The found- ation was for a master, two priests, a schoolmaster, and twelve poor men. . . The proctors of this house used to collect alms, and take from the market people lean or ill-conditioned pigs, which they turned abroad with bells about their necks to live upon the public, — whenc? the saying an Anthony s pig, and when fat, they killed them for the use of the hospital." — Stowe's Lond. p. 190, in Nichols's ed. of E. Perlin, Descr. (TAngleterre 1558, repr. 1775, p. 13. See the Index below, p. 209.— F. p. 82. To compare small things with great, set this page beside Julia's description of her lovers in the Tzuo Gentlemen of Verona, 1. ii., and Portia's of hers in the Merchant of Venice, I. ii. — F. p. 83, 1. 7. Smithfield (or smooth-field, an etymology sanctioned by Fitz Stephen, who describes it as campus planus) was celebrated for many centuries as a market, and the cheating carried on there, more especially in the sale of horses, was long notorious. A ' Smithfield horse ' was the cant name for a particularly bad bargain. Falstaff tells us that his horse was bought at Smithfield (2nd part of Henry IV., act I. sc. ii. 11. 56-7), and Pepys speaks "of the craft and cunning that I never dreamed of, concerning the buying and choosing of horses," Diary, Dec. 4, r668. And see under Dec. 11, 1668.— H. B. W. p. 83, 1. 7 from foot, a Smithfeelde horse. Smithfield was noted for its horse-fairs (p. 87, 1. 2 from foot) ; and at them, as at all other fairs, the buyer takes his chance. " The Londiners pronounce woe to him that buyes a horse in Smyth- field, that takes a servant in Pauls Church, that marries a wife out. of Westminster" [noted for its stews]. — Fynes Moryson's///«f;-«;j, 1617, Pt. 3, p. 53. On the Fair in Smithfield, see Bartholomew Eair, 1641. — F. Notes for p. 83 — 121. ' 197 p. 83, 1. 7 from foot, whether a Stnithfeelde horse will prone good or jadish. " hccrc [to Smithficld] comes many Horses, (like Frenchtneti) rotten in the joynts, which by tricks are made to leape, though they can scarce go ; he that hght upon a Horse in this place, from an olde Horse- courser, sound both in wind and hmbe, may light of an honest Wife in the Stews : here's many an olde Jade, that trots hard for't, that uses his legs sore against his will, for he had rather have a Stable then a Market, or a Race." — London and the Countrey Carbonadoed and Quartred into severall Characters. By D. Lupton, 1632, pp. 36-7. — S. p. 85, 1. 3. let them have their willes j or they will, whether you will or no. Compare Andrew Boorde's Breuiary, Fol. Ixxxii. back, " therfore, Vt hojno not cantet cum cuculo, let euery man please his wyfe in all matters, and displease her not, but let her haue her owne wyl, for that she wyll haue, who so eucr say nay," p. 68 of my edition, E. E. T. Soc. 1870.— F. p. 91, 1, 2. Kemps head. An account of William Kemp will be found in Variorum Shakspcre, ed. 1821, vol. HI. p. 197. — P. A. D. p. 91, 1. 9. Knackes to knowe knaves by. " A knack how to knowe a kna\-e," one of Kempe's works .'' — P. A. D, p. 113, 1. 73. Ovid could testify, &c. Ultima ccelestum, terras Astrasa reliquit. — Ovid's Metamorphoses, I. 150. — S. p. 113, 1. 84. carnallvice . . in the Popes great hall. On the lechery and sodomy seen in Rome by Andrew Boorde, see my edition of A. B., p. jj, with the extract from Thomas's History of Italye in the note there. — F. p. 118, 1. 216, gigge, jig. Cp. in Arber's Transcript of the Stationers' Registers, iii. 49, 50, " A pretie newe Jigge betwene Francis the gentle- man, Richard the farmer, and theire wyves," Oct. 14, 1595 ; and on Oct. 21, "a ballad called Kemps newe Jygge betwixt a souldiour and a Miser, and Sym the clown." " The word '' jig^ is said to be derived from the Anglo-Saxon ; and in old English literature its application extended, beyond the tune itself, to any jigging rhymes that might be sung to such tunes. The songs sung by clowns after plays (which like those of Tarle- ton, were often extempore,) and any other merry ditties, were called jigs. ' Nay, sit down by my side, and I will j'///_^'- thee one of my countrey jigges to make thee merry,' says Deloney, in his Thomas of Reading.^' — Chappell's Popular Music, ii. 495. — F. p. 118, 1. 230. Seven Deadly Sins. Compare 'The Seucn Deadly Sinnes of London : Drawne in seuen seuerall Coaches, Through seuen seuerall Gates of the Citie, Bringing the Plague with them. Opus septem Dierum. Tho : Dekker. At London Printed by E. A. for Nathaniel Butter, and arc to be solde at his shop neere Saint Austens gate. 1606. 4to, black letter, 31 leaves.' — Hazlitt. Also Dekker's ' Belman of London,' 1608 ; ' Lanthorne and Candlelight,' 1609 ; ' O per se O,' 1612 ; 'Villanies discovered,' 1616 ; and the successive versions of his 'Eng- lish V'illanies,' 1632-48. — F. p. 121,1. 304. Some weare short cloakes, some cloakes that reach tl e heel. " In the time of Queene Mary, and the beginning of the Raigne 198 Notes for p. 121 — 129. of Queen Elizabeth^ and for many yeeres before, it was not lawfull for any man either servant or others, to weare their Gowns lower than to the calves of their legges, except they were above threescore yeares of age, but the length of Cloakes being not limited, they made them Cloakes downe to their Shoes . . . ." — Stow's Annales, continued by Edmund Howes, ed. 1631, pp. 1039-40. — S. p. 121, 11. 307-10. Bold Bet(resst',&c.; p. \22,\. t,T)T). fannes by trills are borne. ■ "Womens Maskes, Buskes, MufFes, Fanns, Periwigs and Bod- kins, were first devised, and used in Italy by Curtezans, and from thence brought into France, and there received of the best sort for gallant orna- ments, and from thence they came into England, about the time of the Massacre of Paris" [1572]. — Idem,^. 1038, col. 2. — S. p. 126, 1. 451. Wrath is the cause that men in Smith-field vieete. " This field commonly called West-Smithfield, was for many yeares called Ruffians hall, by reason it was the usuall place of Frayes and common fighting, during the time that Sword and Bucklers were in use. " When every Serving-man from the base to the best, carried a Buck- ler at his backe, which hung by the hilt or pomell of his Sword which hung before him. " This manner of Fight was frequent with all men, untill the fight of Rapier and Dagger tooke place, and then suddenly the generall quarrell of fighting abated, which began about the 20 yeare of Queene Elizabeth [1577-8], for untill then it was usuall to have Frayes, Fights, and Quarrclls, upon the Sundayes and Holidayes, sometimes twenty, thirty, and forty Swords and Bucklers, halfe against halfe, as well by quarrells of appoint- ment as by chance. " Especially from the midst of Aprill, untill the end of October, by reason, Smithfield was then free from durte and plashes. And in the Winter season, all the high streetes were much annoyed and troubled with hourely frayes of sword and buckler men who tooke pleasure in that bragging fight ; and although they made great shew of much furie and fought often. Yet seldome any man hurt for thrusting was not then in use : neither would one of twentie strike beneath the waste, by reason they held it cowardly and beastly. But the ensuing deadly fight of Rapier and Dagger suddenly suppressed the fighting with Sword and Buckler." — Stow's Annates, continued by Edmund Howes, ed. 1631, p. 1024, col. I and 2. — S. p. 127, 1. 497. Idlenesse. See Andrew Boorde's amusing 151st Chapter of his Breitiary, on ' an euyl Feuer, the whiche dothe cumber yonge persons, named the Feuer lurden.' His remedy is : "There is nothyng so good for the Feuer lurden as is Vngieentum bacuUmim, that is to say, Take me a stycke or wand of a yerde of length and more, and let it be as great as a mans fynger, and with it anoynt the bake and the shulders well, mornynge and euenynge, and do this .xxi. dayes," &c. : see my edition, p. 83-4, and the Index to my Babees Book. — F. p. 129, 11. 562, 564. There were two Compters or prisons for debtors Notes tor p. 129 — 133. 99 in the city of London ; each being under the superintendence of one of the Sheriffs. The Poultry Compter stood a few doors from St Mildred's church until 1817, when it was taken down. Stow wrote of it, " this hath been there kept and continued time out of mind, for I have not read of the original thereof." Wood Street Compter stood on the east side of Wood Street, Cheapside, and was first established there in 1555, when the prisoners were removed from the old Compter in Bread Street to the new one in Wood Street. The latter was burnt down in the Great Fire, but rebuilt afterwards. The prison was removed to Giltspur Street in 1 79 1. T. Middlcton introduced a reference to the two Compters in his Phcenix—''^ for as in that notable city called London stand two most famous Universities, Poultry and Wood street, where some are of twenty years' standing and have took all their degrees." Quoted in Cunning- ham's Handbook of London. — H. B. W. Thomas Nash also praisd the Compter ironically in his '■ Strange Newest '592, (sign. I.) : — " Heare what I say : a gentleman is never throughly entred into credit till he hath been there ; and that Poet or novice, be hee what he will, ought to suspect his wit, and remaine halfe in doubt that it is not authenticall, till it hath beene scene and allowed in unthrifts consistory. Grande doloi'is ingeniuni ! Let fooles dwell in no stronger houses than their fathers built them, but I protest I should never have writ passion well, or beene a piece of a poet, if I had not arriv'd in those quarters. Trace the gallantest youthes, and bravest revellers about towne, in all the by-paths of their expence, and you shall infallibly finde, that once in their life-time they have visited that melancholy habitation. Come, come, if you goe to the sound truth of it, there is no place of the earth like it, to make a man wise. Cambridge and Oxford may stand under the elbowe of it. I vow, if I had a sonne, I would sooner send him to one of the Counters to learne lawe, than to the Innes of Court or Chancery." (in Collier's Bibl. Catal. i. 277.) p. 133, 1. 679. light-taylde huswives. Compare 'A Dialogue by- twene the commune secretary and Jalowsye, Touchynge the vnstablenesse of Harlottes,' John Kynge [1550-61], Collier's Bibl. Cat. i. 400. " She that is fayre, lusty and yonge. And can comon in termes with fyled tonge, And wyll abyde whysperynge in the eare, Thynke ye her tayle is not lyght of the seare f" This is Hamlet's ' tickle o' the sere,' the sear being the catch of a gunlock, which when stiff, makes you pull the trigger very hard, but when light, turns it into a ' hair-trigger,' one that'll go at the touch of a hair. — F. William Goddard's Neaste of Waspes, 161 5, gives the theatres a bad character too (Collier's Bibl. Cat. i. 314) :— " Goe to your plaie-howse, you shall actors have, Your baude, your gull, your whore, your pander knave, 200 Notes for p. 139 — 141. Goe to your bawdie house, y'ave actors too, As bawdes, and whores, and gulls, pandars also, Besides, in either bowse (yf you enquire) A place there is for men themselves to tire. Since th' are so like, to choose theres not a pinn, Whether bawdye-house, or plaie-howse you goe in." As to the round house, compare TJie Cries of London (ib. p. 163, time of Jas. I.) " The Players on the Banckeside, The round Globe and the Swan, Will search you idle tricks of love. But the Bull will play the man." The Bull was ' The Red Bull ' theatre in Clerkenwell. The Rose theatre on or near Bankside was also round. See Norden's Map, 1593. — F. p. 139,1. 7. Hee askt him, If hee had a Fasse, 8lc. "Any two Justices of Peace may licence such as be delivered out of Gaoles, to begge for their fees, or to travell to their Countrey, or friends : and may give licence for fourtie dayes to a Rogue, that is marked [branded .''] : and may make testimonial to a Servingman, that is turned away from his master, or whose master is dead : 14 Eliz. cap. 5 ; and 18 Eliz. cap. 3 ; and 27 Eliz. cap. 11. . . . And iheymdiy Licence diseased persons (living of almes) to travel to Bathe, or to Biickstone, for remedies of their griefe, 14 Eliz. cap. 5, and 27 Eliz. cap. II."— Lambard's Eircnarcha, ed. 1592, p. 321-2. " Two such fustices may give licence to Fencers, Bearewards, Coni- fnon players in Enterludes, Minstrels, fuglers, Fedlers, Tinkers, and Fetite-chapnien, to goe abroad, so as they shall not be taken as Rogues. 14 Eliz. cap. 5 ; and 27 Eliz. cap. 11." — Idem, pp. 341-2. — S. p. 140, 1. 45. Signa virtutnm tiianim longe lategiie ferens. A remin- iscence of Horace, Od. IV. i. 16. ? — S. p. 141,1. I. folk leaving town after Term. Compare Lord Campbell's note on p. 23-4 of his Shakespeare's Legal Acquirements considered, 1859 : " Even so late as Queen Anne's reign there seems to have been a pro- digious influx of all ranks from the provinces into the metropolis in term time. During the preceding century, Parliament sometimes did not meet at all for a considerable number of years ; and being summoned rarely and capriciously, the ' London season ' seems to have been regulated, not by the session of Parliament, but by the law terms, — ' . . . . and prints before Term ends.' — Fope. While term lasted, Westminster Hall was crowded all the morning, not only by lawyers, but by idlers and politicians in quest of news. Term having etided, there seems to have been a general dispersion. Even the Judges spent their vacations in the country, having when in town resided in their chambers in the Temple or Inns of Court. The Chiefs were obliged to remain in town a day or two after term, for Nisi Prius sittings ; but the Puisnes were entirely liberated when proclamation was made at the rising of the court on the last day of term, in the form still preserved, Notes for p. 156 — 175. 201 that "all manner of persons may take their ease, and give their attend- ance here aj^ain on the first day of the ensuing term " See Thomas Dckker's ' The Dead Terme. Or Westminsters Com- plaint for long Vacations and short Tearmes. Written in manner of a Dialogue betweene the two Citycs of London and Westminster. London, Printed and are to be sold by lohn Hodgcts. 1608. 4to, black letter, 27 leaves.' — F. p. 156, 1. 19. "Actuary, {Actuarius) Is the Clerk or Scribe, that registers the Canons and Constitutions of the Convocation : Also an Officer in the Court Christian, who is in Nature of a Register."— Cowel's Law Did., ed. 1727. p. 158, 1. 6. Swainmootcs of Forrests. "From the Sax. swan, a sivaijt, as Country-swain, Boot-swain, and gemote, a Court or Con\en- tion. The Swaneinote was a Court held twice a year [Spelman and Cowel say thrice. — S.] by the forest officers, fifteen days before Mid- sutntner, and three weeks before Michaelmass, for enquiry of the tres- passes committed within the bounds of the forest." — Kennctt's /'rt/'^c/zw/ Antiquities, ed. 1695, Glossary, s.v. Swanemotum. — S. p. 158,1. 12. The Virdge. " Verge, Virgata, may seem to come from the French V^erger, viridarium, and is used here in England for the Compass of the King's Court, which bounds the jurisdiction of the Lord Steward of the King's Houshold, and of the Coroner of the King's House, and that seems to have been Twelve Miles Compass." — Cowel's Law Diet. ed. 1727. — S. p. 158, 1. 16. The Clinke. "Then next is the Clinke, a Goal or Prison for the Trespassers in those Parts, namely, in old time for such as should Brabble, Fray, or break the Peace on the said Bank [the Bankside, Southwark] or in the Brothel Houses, they were by the In- habitants thereabout apprehended and committed to this Goal, when they were straitly Imprisoned.'' — Strype's Stow,&^. 1720, II. book iv. p. 8, col. I.— S. p. 159, 1. 9 from foot. And here I remember 7ne of an old tale. This story will be found in Bacon's Apophthegms, No. 34, Miseelhnieous Writings of Francis Bacon, ed. 1802, p. 12. — S. p. 163,1. 12 from foot. An Enginere for niaJdng of Tatars. Grose {Military Antiquities, I. p. 402) gives an engraving of " Pierricrs, vulgarly called Pattereros," and says, " Chamber'd pieces for throwing stones, ca-lled cannon perriers . . . were about this time [Edward VI. reign] much used in small forts, and on shipboard." — S. p. 171,1. I. Sir John Hawkins'' hospital at Chatham. An hospital for decayed mariners and shipwrights was founded by Sir John Hawkins, in 1592, in which twelve pensioners have each a separate house, an allowance of eight shillings per week, and an annual supply of coal : the management is vested in 26 governors, of which number five are elective. — Lewis's Topographical Dictionary. — S. p. 175, 1. 2. A^'avibns atnne. &;c. Hon Epp. I. xi. 28-30. — S. 202 INDEX. Abduction of a widow, story of the, 67-9 Actuary, the, 156/19 admiring, 12S/527, wondering at Adonis, 132/649 Affectionate, v. a. 30/22, to love .(Egyptian dog, the, 113/61-4 al~wickshire, be Conservatours (of the peace) also within their Boroughs. For Borow- head, Borsholder, and Tilhingman, bee three several names of one selfe same thing, and do signifie, The chiefe man of the free pledges williin Index. 203 that Borow or Tithing." — Lam- barde's Eirenatxha, ed. 1592, p. 14. Lambarde derives the name from A. S. borhes ealdor. See his Peram- bulation of Kent, reprint, 1826, p. 19. Bowser, 149/12, liursar braggadochio-Hke, adj. 126/458 brand, 4/7, brent, burnt ? breake-peace, 73/3, cause of strife breed-bate, a, 13/19, see bate-maker brewes, 1 65/4, brotli, pottage Briceris, 32/17 Bridewell, 13/22, 22/12 Bridewell, the Beadles of, 95/16 Bridewell in her dish, laying, 17/5 Bristow Cowsway, 173/5, Bristol cause- way brute, to, lO, 1. 2 from foot, to bruit bulke, chest, thorax, 131/609 Buls, 36 10, hangmen Buli ba ill ties, 95/14 Burleigh, Lord, his book on court offices referred to, 169 bussardes, 17, 1. 3 from foot, cowards. Halliweir s Diet., s. v. Buzzard Cassar, 123/380 Caligula, 126/445 Cambridge, 1 15/ 133 Canck-wood, Cannock- Wood, Stafford- shire, 160/22 Caneere, 170/14, cannoneer Cardinals burn the cardinal virtues, 113/82 Cards, new cut at, ruins men, 1 1 9/249 carterly progenitors, 99/10 Castale fount, llS/214 Cast gentlewomen's doctoring described, 160 cast-ravelinges, 42, line 9 from foot. " Ravelins serve to cover the Gates of the Town and the Bridges —"— Bailey's Diet., I. Cauls worn by women, 121/310 Cerberus, 4/6 Charity's contest with Envy, 125/415-20 charke coles, 80, 1. 1 1 from foot, charcoal Charons boat, 4/4 charres, 112/52, chariots Chancers japes, 95/4 Cheapside, 129/538 choptlodgicke, a, 96/17, a marriage? In the Fraternitye of Vaeabondes, E.E.T.S. ed., p. 15, and Romeo 6^ yitliet. III. V. 150, choplogic means a disputatious person. Here there may be a facetious allusion to marriage as a state in which logic is chopped or excliauged Christes crosse, 33, 1. 7 from foot chuff, sb. 12/17, 21, 1. 4 from foot. " Choffe or chuffe Rusticus." — Prompt. Parv. Cf. 1 Henry IV., II. ii. 94 Church livings, enough of them to maintain the ministry, 154 cinicall, 134/712, cynical Circe, 133/680 Civil Law, its study costly, practice lucrative ; fees come directly from the client ; preferments in, enumerated, 155 ; courts of, inferior officei-s in, 156 clapperclaw, v. a. 71, 1. 11 from foot, to belabour Clerks of the Household formerly rose by gradation, 169 Clerkships enumerated, 159 Clerkships of trading companies, to whom formerly given, 165 Cloaks, fashions in, 121/304 closecubberds, 18/13, safes of the period ? clouterly caulfed, 82/14. " Clouterly, clumsy, awkward." — Halliu-ell's Diet. Cobbilero, John, 30, 1. 12 from foot, a name for a cobbler collops of their owne flesh, 186, 1. 3 from foot, children. Cf. Hen. IV. pt. I, V. iv. 18. Common courting lads, their behaviour, 92 Common gardens about London ill- smelling places, 19/22 Common Law students should first enter an Inn of Chancery, 156 ; become clerks to a prothonotary of Common Pleas ; know something of Civil Law, 157 Common Law, preferments in, 158 Confectio Alchermi, 150/14 congies, sb. U4/99, bows coning-shifts, 91/23, coney-shifts, i.e. swindles cooling carde, 71, 1. lo from foot copesmates, 9, 1. 8 from foot, 17/21, intimate friends. A. S. copest, chief- est, and mate ? Corked shoes worn by women, 122/328 Corn engrossed through Avarice, 129/ 547 Cornewall, an ill-omened name, 133/ 675 Counsel, their former means of prefer- ment, 157 ; present, 159 courrose, v. a. 25, 1. 13 from foot, carouse Courtier, a, should be placed with a White Staff of the Household, 168 204 Index. Courtship, story of a long one, 89-90 Coy dame, story of a, 81-82, 85 cracke, sb. 143/22, ruin? crack-halter, a, 91, 1. 5 from foot, a gallows-bird cract-Iove, 81/3. " Cracked-piece, a girl who is no longer a virgin." — Halliweirs Did. crannes, 23, 1. 11 from foot, chinks Crooked lane, traps there, 91/15 cryll, a, 164, 1. 3 from foot, a creel? This is a large wicker basket used in Scotland to convey fish to market. See Penny Magazine, vol. ix. 370. Cuckow, the, at Canck-wood in May, 160/22 Damsel, immodest, story of an, 75'9> ^^ Daughters, how to be portioned, 172 ; their education ; should be brought up by their mother ; in whose house- holds to place them, 173 ; with whom they may associate ; their marriage, 174 Democritus, 1 22/341 Diana, 134/693 dicotomize, v. a. 144/9, divide disgesture, 13/2, digestion Divine service on board ship, 170 Doctor's Commons, doctors of civil law formerly lived there, 156 Dodridge, Justice, his tractate on law studies referred to, 156 dooing, 1 88/ 1, management Doter, a, described, 41 drerelayes, 52/22, dreary lays, mournful ditties driggell draggells, 14/13, sluts Drummer, the, of Paris Garden, 174, 1. 2 from foot Drunkenness a mate of Gluttony, 131/ 613; described, 131/614-24 ; differ- ent effects of, 132/625-30 ; evils of, 132/637-41 Dutch, the, asked what trade James I. used, 164 Dutchwoman's, a, clothing, 1 73/ 1 egges, 74, 1. 6 from foot, incites. A. S. eggian Eise, 76/12, I shall (often ' Ise.') Englishman, picture of an, 122/340-46; character, 122/349-52 Envious man, story of an, 124/391-94 En\y described, 123/367-74 ; her mis- deeds, 123/375-408 ; caused war be- tween Ctesar and Pompey, 123/379-80 cquipace, i.e. a measured step, fashion- aijle, 120/267 Ermiline, the, 134/697, the ermine E very-place, the country of, 41, 1. 6 from foot evill, 9/16, empty Exchange, fashions change monthly at the, 121/312 Exchange shops, girls bred in, 173, 1. 9 from foot Exhibitions, in whose gift ; where to search for, 146 ; to obtain, 147, 149 extrution, 37/21, thrusting out fairing-monger, 100/ 1 Fancy, Pride's handmaid, 1 19/243 Farriery learnt by a great earl, 164 Fashions change continually, 120/277- 94 Fasting and prayer neglected, 186 Feather fans used by women, 121/318 feeble, a name for a tailor, 157, 1. 8 from foot Fellowships, how obtained, 149 Fiat, Mr Francis, a fishmonger, 152, 1. 7 from foot fieres-bird, 12/17, one who sits by the fire. See marginal note. Fleet Street vintners discharge their journeymen after Trinity term, 141 Flower de luce, 13/21, a tavern flung out at a bootie, 67/10, robbed on the highway ? fobbe uppe, v. a. 25/14, delude fooles paradice, 93/1, Rom. &= y'lJ-, III. ii. 82 for, 7/3, from, against Free schools, principal, enumerated ; very numerous ; their kinds, 145 free taile, 31/8, fee-tail, " Fee-tail, feo- dum taliatum, is that whereof we are seised to Us and our Heirs, with Limitation, that is, the Heirs of our Body." CowersZ(ra'/?/VA, ed. 1727, s. V. Fee French borders, 173/6, akind of needle- ^\'ork Friar Tuck's mattins, 53, 1. 9 from foot friars, bawdy, 1 14/ 105 fustie framed speech, 4, 1. 2 from foot galliard, the, 102, 1. Ii from foot, a dance. See HalliiveWs Diet., s. v. geeres, u.n. 131/622, jeers Gentlemen should learn trades, 164 Geometry described, 11 7/1 75-80 gesse, guests, 60, 1. 4 from foot gigges, 1 18/216, jigs. "A jig was a ludicrous metrical composition, often in rliyme, which was sung by the clown, w ho occasionally danced, and Index. 205 was rxlwavs accompanied by a tabor | and \>\\)C."—I/al/i7Ufirs DicL Gill, a lazie, 127/494, epithet of Sloth giine, 80/23, to grin girning, 4, 1, 9 from foot, grinning Gluttony described, 131/595-600, 607- 12; her misdeeds, 131/601-6 God give yce joye, 90, 1. lo from foot, a marriage benediction Goffo (Ital. stupid) feeds Lipotopo, 128/524 Grammer described, I16/145-50; bond- slave to Stationers, 1 16/149 Greenes Cunnyberries, 55/22 Grocers complain of Avarice, 129/549 hale-liacke, a, 27, last line, ahawl-back, pull-back Hales, Sir Edward, praised, 139-40/25- hallow mouthed, 152, last line, sancti- monious harborow, sb. 103, 1. 12 from foot, har- bour harte at grasse, 23, 1. 3 from foot, heart of grace Hawkins, Sir John, his hospital for sailors, 171 Hedge-creepers, i. e. petty traders, de- scribed, 164-65 ; their paltry ven- tures, 165 Heir, your, should marry early, 144 her, for gen. s. 36/3 Heraclitus, 122/342 Herod, 125/433 Herodias, 122/326 Hesiode, 124/402 hinderlove, a, 91, 1. 4 from foot Hindes fees, 95/19 his, for gen. s. 49/16 hit-home, adj. 93/20 Hogsden, 51/4, Hoxton, INIiddlesex Holborn ostlers, when they impound the guest's boots, 141 hollowes the sight, 80, 1. 3 from foot, gives the view holla? Honesty comes to Hogsden ; sees a troop of lovers in a hall there, 51 ; describes them, 51-96; his reflections on the case of the passionate ass, 55 ; blames women who appeal from their husbands to their parents, and folks who marry and repent, 55-6 ; considers love the highest duty, 57 ; censures wooers who rely on parent's authority, 59 ; his reflections on the case of the covetous widow, 63-5 ; thinks women beholden to men who marry them, 65 ; for marriage is a perilous .state, 66 ; his cure for fas- tidious wives, 74 ; warning against mercenary matches, 75 ; creeps into maidens' chambers and overhears their talk, 81 ; advises suitors not to be unreasonable in their require- ments, 83 ; warns coy damsels, 86-7 ; disapproves of long courtships, 87-9; thinks a month long enough for one, 92 ; condemns seducers, 95 ; warns girls to beware of them, 96 ; their faithlessness makes women distrust- ful, 96-7 ; yet they may know if a man is in earnest, 98 ; counsels parents to marry their daughters to younger sons of good family, 98-9 ; doesn't consider the consent of parents to a match necessary, lOO ; reprobates inconstant lovers, loi ; finds love amongst the multitude, 101-2 ; his praise of women, 102 ; men can't do without them, 102-3 ; eulogizes their mercy, discretion, and modesty, 103-5 Horace's Art of Poetrie alluded to, I17/193 hotte spurres, 56/19, impatient lovers Household, officers of the, appointments in their gift, 168 Hue and cry, pursuit of thieves, 68, I. 9 from foot Husbandman, character befitting a ; tenancies he should seek, 167 Hydra, the, 112 49 indigitly, 150/4, distinctly it, its, 29/12, 13; 94/4 Italian purles, 173/6, "Most curious Purles, or rare Italian Cutworke." The A\rdles Excellency, by John Tay- lor, Spenser Society's ed., Issue No. 7 jacke of Napes, 75, 1. 5 from foot, a monkey Jasper Impudencie's ungrateful con- duct, 16 Jealousy, an old doter's causeless, narrated, 16-17 ; story of a wife made unfaithful by her husband's, 23-6 ; lemedies against, 34-8; his kingdom described, 41 -3 jetting, 125/429, strutting, " , the Normane guise was, to walke ixnA jet up and downe the streetes, with great traines of idle Serving men following them." — Lambarde's Perambulation of Kent, reprint, 1826, p. 320 jumpe, 65/24; 83/3, coincide jumply, 25/10, aptly 2o6 Index. Jusling Jacks take the wall, 124/400 kea-cold winter, S/^S- ^^- Richard III., I. ii. 5 kill Crowe, to meet a, 83/4 kinde, 127/482. Cf. Hamlet, I. ii. 65. See akind kinde hit home floutes, 93/20, snubs knight of the poste, the, 26, 1. 8 from foot Lachesis, 120/286 lac'st-mutton, 95/10, superlative of laced mutton, a courtesan. Tivo Gent. I. i. 102 laft at, laughed at, 32/8 Landed estate, your, shouldn't be di- vided amongst your children, 143 Land owners generally obliged to bor- row at the rent-day, 143 Land soldier, the, his tactics, 1 70/1 ; profession not lucrative ; his chances of preferment ; where he should serve, 171 ; charities for the, 171-72 lasht out, 89/9, lavished Learning rejected, 115/1 16-26 Lechery consorts with Gluttony, 131/ 612 ; described, 132/645-48; her mis- deeds, 132-33/649-66 Lecturers more reverenced than parsons, 153 leesing, adi. 89/3, mendacious Lelaps, 4/ 1 1 let, v.ii. 26/5, scruple Light of Love, the city, 42/15 Likings-recantation, the valley, 91, 1. 6 from foot Lincolne green, hospital for land- soldiers once there, 172/15 line, a, 41/21, a clue ? Linendraper's company, the, has greater privileges than any other, but no charter ; their trade a very cleanly one, 165 Lipotopo, story of, 128/505-28 Lobb, a serving man, his treachery, 20 Logic described, 1 16/157-62; expelled from colleges, 116/162 London, common gardens about, 19/22 I-ondon inns. Flower de Luce, Bride- well, 13 {see Fleet Street, Petticoat Lane, Poultry, &c) Long-lane gowne, a, 165/12. Long lane was "A Place also of Note for the sale of Apparel, Linnen, and Upholsters Goods, both Second-hand and New, but chiefly for Old, for which it is of note." — Strype^s Sto'w, L, bk. iii. p. 122, col. 2 loose bodied gowne, a, 1 44/6, a woman's garb. Cf. Tamiiif; of the Shrew, \N. iii- 35 Love, true, described, 39 ; false, and its evil consequences, 39-41 ; the blessings of true, 43-4 Lovesick damsel, story of a, 75-81 lubber, 12S/509. Baligajit : m. An vnweldie lubber, great lobcocke, huge luske, mishapen lowt, ill-fau- oured flaber-gullion. ■ — 161 1. Cot- grave. — F. Lucrece, 132/65 1 lumpe, v.n. 19/3, be sullen lurdens, 3, 1. 7 from foot, lubberly churls lushing, 128/509, idle Magog, 4/8 maimed-mnide, 95/2 maine Centre, the, 165, I. 6 from foot, the earth's axis make-bates, 10, I. 2 from foot ; 41, 1. 2 from foot. See bate-maker mankinde creature, a, 80, 1. 6 from foot. Cf. Coriolar.iis, IV. ii. 16 Manufacturers should sell by retail, 164 ; their trade lucrative, 165 Many-mislike, Mistres, 86, 1. 7 from foot Maro. See Virgil Married men, names offensive to them, 133/675 Mars, 32 ; Wrath's chieftain, 126/463 Marsias, 1 18/217, Marsyas mastie, a, 4, 1. 9 from foot, a mastiff Meander, the, 118/206 Medical profession not lucrative ; skill at a low ebb, 160 Medusa, 120/275 Melpomene, 1 12/31 mens-helpers, 105/5, women Merchant Royall, the, described, 164 ; injured by petty trafficers, 165 Merchants, their qualifications and risks ; some gain by war ; incor- porated societies of, 162 Mercuric, 1 21/301 Military art best learnt in the Low Countries, 171 milk-white bosom, 102/18. Two Gent. III. i. 250 Millers, knavery of, 59, 1. 3 from foot ; 84/9 Minotaur, the, an incorporated com- pany, 167/3 Minstrels strive with blind fidlers, 124/ .398 Miser's daughter, story of a, 83-4 Momus, 1 1 1/4; 134/707 I '.oy Money-wooers, their practices described, 61-2 Monks abused, 114/96, 103 moule, s/i. 45/10, mould Music described, 1 16/163-68 Nan, 82, a serving maid Naval preferments, how obtained, 170 Navigator's, the (merchant seaman), attainments and way of advancement, 166 ; he musn't intrencli upon incor- porated companies, 167 Neapolitan, the, 160/19, lues venerea neeses, sfi. 77/2, sneezes. Cf. Job xli. 18 New College breeds civilians, 155 nice no-maide, a, Sj, 1. 12 from foot Nilus, 113/62 noddies, 83, 1. 10 from foot, fools Nomothetes, 134/710, a lawgiver Nonconformist, story of an ejected, 159, 160 nuntions, 13, 1. 9 from foot, luncheon Oaths, gods Lord, 70 '4 ; passion of God, Divell breake his necke, 73/7- 10 ; By our Lady, By cock and pie, 89, II. 5, 4 from foot ; the passion of our Lady, 96/11 ostice, 13, 1. 12 from foot, hostess othersome, 51, line 10 from foot, some others out-joynted, acfj. 90/4, discarded Overcount, Mistrisse, 141, 1. 7 from foot, a hostess over-slippes, 82/7, defects Ovid, 113/73; 117/195 Ovid's Ars Amandi censured, 133/633 Oxford, 1 15/134 Oyster women's hook shoulders, 83, 1. 2 from foot Painted phimes worn by men, 121/317 Pallas, 1 1 6/ 1 48 Pantoples or pantophels (slippers) worn by women, 55, last line ; 122/327 Parnassus, 1 18/212 passe not, 1 14/91 ; 134/708, care not. Cf. 2 //.-/uy VI., IV. ii. 136 Passing kind man, story of a, 60 Passionate lover, story of a, 51-4 Patars, 163/12, light guns Patience, Wrath's contrary, 127/475 patrocinie, 45/9, patronage Patrons, private, of benefices, remarks on, 153-54; grand advowsons, 154 Pensions. See Exhibitions Periwigs worn by women, 120/272 ; 12 1/3 10. See also 161, 1. 7 from foot pesterment, 51/8, embarrassment Petticoat I ,ane, new fashions there, 9 1 / lO phisnomie, 121/322, physiognomy Physicians, diseases they treat, 160 ; their attainments and advancement ; should make acquaintance with gal- lants and immoral women, i6i ; find a mineral spring, 161-62; for women, their qualifications, 160 ; young, ig- norant, 161 Pierce- Pennilesse's supplication to the devil's parliament, 26 Pilate, 112/53 pimpcrs with the eyes, 131/620 placket, 91/12, a woman's pocket. — Ilallhveirs Diet. placket lace, 53, 1. 6 from foot, 95/13 plat, sb. 1 1 16 Pluto, 119/236 Poetry wronged, 117-18/189-210 Poets, bad, im])udence of, 118/211-16; punished, 1 1 8/2 1 7-22 poked ruffes worn by women, 74/9 Pope, the, abused, 113, 114 Poultry, the, a debtor's prison in, 129/ 562 powder Beefe, 165/4, .salt beef pricking burre, 57/15 pricksoiig, 90/16, " Music pricked or noted down, full of flourish and variety." — Halliii'di: s Did. Pride and her attendants described, 119/241-46; her votaries satirized, 119-22/247-352 pritteil prattell, 13/9, gossip prittie-bird, a, 57/15 Proctors in Civil Law, their number lately limited, 156 Proteus, 120/277 Proverbs cited : — I had rather have a man than mony, 6. Love hath no lacke. Selfe do, selfe have, 7 ; he which will no penaunce doe, must shonne the cause that belongs thereto, 10 ; a still dogge bites sore, but the barking cur feares more, 15; the pitcher goeth long to the water, but at laste ... i&' brought home broken, 30 ; kit must after kind, bee it but in scraping of a frying jianne, 30 ; an il bird which will defile his owne nest, 33, 123 358 ; shee that knowes where Christes crosse standes, will never forget where great A dwels, 33 ; hot love wil be soone colde, 56, 81 ; qui moccat moccaljitur, 70 ; " Like will to like," quoth the Divell to the Collier, 74 ; looke ere we lep, 75 ; crooked without, and crabbed within. 208 lHcIcx. 86 ; lingi-ing love brcedes mislike, 87 ; a faire face cannot have a craliljed heart, 92 ; better to fill the bellie than the eye, 130/578 Pumps worn by women, 122/325 purcase, 36/10, purchase purcenet, a, 32/11 ; " Purse-net, a net, the ends of which are drawn together with a string, like a purse." — Halli- weWs Diet. quarter, a, 39, 1. 7 from foot, a quarter of an hour quittance, 109/1, acquit Rack-rent, property let at, 130/568 Ram-Alley cookery, 141/7 rammish, 38/3, untamed recovered a flap with a foxe tale, 90/11 Religion has left the earth, 113/78 Repentance, Wrath's follower, 126/470 Rhetoric described, 1 16/ 15 1-56 ribble rabble route, 114/ no riggish, 121/309, wanton. Cf. Ant. &^ Chop., II. ii. 245 rigs, 120/274, courtezans Robin good-fellow meets Tell troth ; managetl to slip into hell and heard there an oration on jealousy, 4 ; de- scribes the different causes and kinds of jealousy to Tell troth, 5-20 ; re- hearses the resolutions of the devil's parliament, 20-22 ; desires Tell troth to publish his invective against jealousy, and vanishes, 26 rookes, 13/4, slanderers. See marginal note, 13 Round hose worn by men, 121/302 Rowsie, 165/12, Russia roysting, 123/365, roistering Rufiines, fine-ruft, their cringing cuts, 119/248; shag hair, 120/271 Scholar, a, should go to a free school, 144 Scholarships enumerated, foundation, 145 ; election, 145-46 ; at college, how obtained, 147 scombers, 75, 1. 4 from foot, stercorat Scriveners of Temple Bar have no businesswhen Trinity Term's over, 141 Scriveners scribling-band, 130/566 Secretaryships. See Clerkships Seducer, story of a, 94, 96 Senior fellows may confer scholarships, 147 shadowed, 72/3, concealed shaled with their feete, 82/13. " Es- grailler, to shale, or straddle with the feet or legs." — Cotgrave. she beetell, 13/12. See marginal note, 13 Shoe Lane, one that sells running leather there, 91/12 shonne-thankes, 81 /i Shopkeepers depend on merchants, 162 ; their gains uncertain, 163 Shoreditch church, constant lovers in, at midnight, 91/17 shrewd, theold, 34/22, anoldtough [tree] Sidney's Arcadia alluded to, 1 73/9 Simony as hard to discover as a witch, ,.154/10 Sittingbourne, Kent, 139/6 sleeveless excuses, 65/6 Sloth described, 127/494-504 smirking kisses, 58/5 Smithfield, horses sold there, 83, I. 7 from foot, 87, 1. 2 from foot Smithfield should be called smite-field, , 126/452 _ Smith's, Sir Thomas, Comtnonwealtk of England referred to, 158, 1. 8 from foot snip-snap sheeres, 120/287 Soldier's superstition, 66/24 Soldier, the sea, thrives better than the land soldier ; must have more learn- ing and valour ; may make his fortune by a prize, 169 ; his preferment and attainments, 170 SoUom-bird, 83/20, a precise maiden Sons, your, let them choose their pro- fession ; don't keep them long at home, 144 Sorpego, 160/19, erysipelas? sossing down, 78/3, plumping down sound, a, 79, 1. 13 from foot, a swoon sparrow-blasting, 35/18, cuckolding Sparrows examples to households, 187, 1. 6 from foot spie fault, a, 80, 1. 4 from foot, a cen- sorious person Squabler, a, 166/20, a swabber? "Swabber, a sweeper of a vessel." —Halliweirs Diet. St Martins le Grand, girls bred there, 173, 1. 8 from foot St Paul's, wavering wenches reviled there, 91/4 stale, a, 25/7. " vStale, a living Fowl put in any place to allure other Fowls ; a decoy Fowl." — Bailey s Diet., I. Statute, the, appealed to by the Bos- seldir, 139/8 stay his stint by the heeles, 59, 1. 6 from foot, sit in the stocks for the time appointed Stoomp-foot, Joane, an old beldame, 13, 1. 9 from foot Index. 20( striker, a, 80, 1. 3 from foot, a wenclicr. Cf. Massinger's Unnatural Combat, IV. ii. p. 54, col. 2, ed. Gifford, 1840. Styx, the, 4/4 Sufferance, cousin toPatiencedescribed, 127/481-84 Suitors, hard to please, one took fright at a headache ; another at a tooth- ache ; a tliird at a long nose, 60 ; a fourth wanted to be kissed in public, 60-1 Swainmote, the, a forest court, 158/6 Swearing on board ship should be punished, 170 Syrens, 133/679 Tailor, at a court masque, story of a, 157 Tantalus, 115/137 tantinie piggc, a, 75, 1, Anthony's pig, a HalliweWs Diet., s. "Lead on, little Tony — I'll follow thee, my Anthony, my Tantony, sirrah, thou shalt be my Tantony, and I'll be thy pig." — Congreve, Way of the World, IV. xi.— P. A. D. " , folk may well talk, to see you dangling after me everywhere, like a tantony pig.'' — Isaac Bicker- staff, Love in a Village, I. ix. 3 from foot. St pet pig. See V. Anthony-pig. Tarquin, 132/651 170, 1. Taverne Roarer of the Citie, a 3 from foot Tell troth meets Robin good-fellow, 3 Temple Bar, 141 territ, 36/22, turret Thameras, 1 18/219, Thamyris thirteene pence halfe penny, the hang- man's fee, 43/14 Thrasonicall, 126/457. Cf As You Like It, V. ii. 34 Timerity, forerunner of Wrath, 126/469 Tobias and Sara examples to married folk, 186 tole, 18/8, entice; toling, 43/20 Tom of all Trades lands in Kent, 139/ I ; is advised to get a pass at Ton- stall Hall, 139/11-12; goes thither and dedicates his book to Sir Edward Hales, 140/33-42 ; leaves town, and on Highgate hill overtakes a gentle- man of Northamptonshire, 141 ; gives him advice on the preferment of his sons and daughters, 143-74 ; once began a list of ecclesiastical benefices, but gave it up, 154; would be glad to compile, gratis, a list of incorpor- SHAKSPEKE'S ENGLAND ated companies' trusts, 166 ; insists on the importance of grammar learn- ing for boys, 172 ; espies mine host of the Bull in .St Albans, 174 ; con- cludes with the [loet, 175 Tom of Odcombe, 139 '24. Thomas Coiyate, of Odcombe, Somerset, the traveller Tom-witles, 84, 1. 9 from foot Tonstall Court, the residence of Sir Edward Hales, 139/12 toothsome, 131 '599 too too, 37/8, 82/16 tooting head, a, 33/17, a budding head Totty, Tom, Joan Stoomp-foot's hus- band, 13, 1. 8 from foot Toyles, The Master of the T. and Tents, 168, 1. 10 from foot. Chamberlayne speaks of "the Office of the Tents, Toy Is, Hays and Pavillioiis . Two -AngTue Ah^titia, ed. Spelman says, cassis e funiculis Masters, &.c. 1673, Pt. i. p. 192. s. V. Toile.»" , nexus : quibus sa'tuarii cervos inter- cipiunt, a Gall, toile, i. tela," and s. v. Haia " , illud rete quo e campis redeuntes cuniculos intercipiunt an haye dicitur." This officer probably provided the tents, nets, and snares used when the king went a-hunting Trades, those which take high fees from apprentices precarious, 163 ; most in request enumerated, 163-64 ; house- wive's, 164 Tradesmen who are patrons of livings, how to humour them, 152 Trading companies hold trust funds for the benefit of young tradesmen, but misuse them, 165 ; returns of these ought to be published, 166 trenchemore, to dance, 20/10. " But in King Charles's time, there has been nothing but French-move and the Cushion Dance, omnium gatherum, tolly, polly, hoite come toite." — Sel- den's Table Talk, King of England, Arber's ed., p. 62 Trinity Hall trains civilians, 155 Trinity Term, people leave town when it's over, 141 triphells, 31, 1. 6 from foot, trifles Trott, story of a slanderous old, 11-14 Trulls use fans, 122/333 Trumpington, Cambridgeshire, 1 50/ 3 tuesday supjicr, a, 70, last line Tyburn, 36/10, 74, 1. 4 from foot type, 114/S8; the top of the II. Cf 'Tipe-stick. The piece of wood which, reaching from shaft to shaft, TELL-TEOTH. 14 1 TO Index. keeps the body of a cart in its place, and prevents it from typing up or over. Lincolnski!-^.' — IJallhodV s Dict.—Y. umpertiall, 40/12, impartial Uncomely woman, an, married by a man for safety, 19-20 unharted, 76/22 Unhealthy places most profitable for farming, 167 Universities, the, impoverished, 1 15/127- 32 unkeamed, 123/369, uncombed untollerable, 102, 1. 6 from foot Usurers good patients, 161 Usury described, 129/553-56; defended, 129/557-58 Vanity, Pride's handmaid, 1 19/243 Venus, 32 ; 132/650 Verses will be found at pages 34-5, 37-8, 43, and 76 Vesta, 134/691 vild, 133/673, vile Virgil, 1 17/194, 1 18/214 Vulcan, 19, 1. 5 from foot ; 32 waisters, the, 30, last line wantantize, 129/552, warrantize ? weale-publike, 2<8/4, commonwealth Westminster, constancy little used there, 90, 1. 3 from foot Westminsters Hospitalitie, a house of, 96/23 whereout, 179, 1. 7 from foot, from whence whipperginne, 13, 1. 12 from foot, 21/23, unchaste woman whipsters, 81, 1. 9 from foot, wanton girls Whores, evils caused by them, 133/655- 58 Widow, story of a covetous, 62-3, 69-70 Widow, married to an avaricious churl, story of a, 70-3 Widower's wooing, story of a, 57-8 willow guift, 90/5 Winchester has scholarships and fellow- ships at New College, 155 Winged sleeves worn by men, 121/301 winne unto, 95, 1. 3 from foot, attain wittall, a, 13/17. " Wittol, a contented cuckold. " — Halliwelts Diet. Wives, dyed or curled hair, painting and pasting unfit for, 180 Woodstreet counter, a debtor's prison, 129/564 wooer in graine, a, 60, 1. 6 from foot World, the, couldn't contain the record of man's guilt, 1 13/55-60 worship, sb. 182/19, honour Wratli described, 125/427-32 ; his mis- deeds, 125-26/433-62 ; moved Herod, 125/433, and Caligula, 126/445 ; makes men fight at Smithfield, 126/ 451 Yeomen of the Guard, preferment of the, 169 Younger children, divide the portion of your heir's wife among them, 144 Youngsters spend their patrimony in gluttony, 131/601-2 JriUN CHII.DS AND SON, PRINTHRS. r Date Due '-^L UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACIU^R 'I !l !III' ! " III" II'!' Il"l !l" ''''!"" '" AA 000 609 904 8