PILKERTON'S PEERAGE B Come&s in jfout Bets o I J ANTHONY HOPEc/*^ 2 - \4~*j*-*~ if COPYRIGHT, 1908, BY ANTHONY HOPE HAWKINS ^ THAT THIS PLAY IS FULLY COPYF.lG, D UN J ^^ ALLOWED THE UNITED 8T "V.l^ MTA.NEO ^Mt381<) Of U..S, NEW YORK SAMUEL FRENCH PUBLISHER 26 WEST 22D STREET LONDON SAMUEL FRENCH, LTD 26 SOUTHAMPTON STREET, STRAND PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. Produced at the Garrick Theatre, London, on January ##, 1902, with the following cast : RIGHT. HON. HORATIO MANGAN, M.P Mr. Edmund Maurice. (Prime Minister and First Lord of the Treasury) HON. Lucius V ANDEAN, C.B Mr. Arthur Bourchier. (His Private Secretary) EARL OF ADDISWORTH, M.P Mr. H. V. Esmond. (His Assistant Private Secretary, unpaid) JOSHUA PILKERTON Mr. Jerrold Robertshaw. JACK PILKERTON Mr. H. B. Warner. (His Son) HERBERT V. BASCOM, M.P Mr. Sam Sothern. (For the Wrensford Division) JENKINS Mr. Albert Sims. LADY HETTY WREY Miss Eva Moore. IDA PILKERTON Mrs. Maesmore Morris. Two Footmen at Mr. Pilkerton's. TIME The present day. ACT I. The Private's Secretary's Room in Downing Street. Wednesday Morning. ACT II. A Sitting-Room at Packnam, Mr. Pilkerton's Country House, Sunday Afternoon. ACT III. The same. Sunday Evening. ACT IV. Same as Act I. Noon on Monday, 308 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. ACT I. SCENE : The Private Secretary's Room. 'A high, square room, plainly but solidly furnished. Door up back, by it a bell, R. of door a large window, by window a mirror. Door in flat up R. leading to Prime Minister's room. Door down in flat L. leading to ADDISWORTH'S room. Writing tables with high backs R. and L., just above doors, and armchairs between them and walls. A large armchair L. C. a little up; a smaller chair R. C. against back of desk R. Desk L. is covered with papers arranged in bundles and fastened with tape and elastic, and books of reference, including Dod. Desk L. has a few papers in disorder. [VANDEAN, a spruce, well-dressed man of 34 or 35 is sitting at desk L., he is in morn- ing dress, frock-coat, etc., and holds in his hand a bundle of letters. VANDEAN (turning over letter after letter) . Pil- kerton Pilkerton Pilkerton ( growing annoy- ance) Pilkerton Pilkerton Pilkerton (exas- perated) Pilkerton Pilk-er-ton Pilk-er-ton Pilk Oh, confound him ! [Presses letters together, encloses them in elastic band, flings them down, and throws himself back in his chair. 5 6 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. [Enter ADDISWORTH L. He sidles in, sits down hastily at desk R., rustles papers, then looks across at VANDEAN with a smile. He is very smart, very young and easy in manner. ADDISWORTH. Morning, Van. VANDEAN (looking at more letters). Late again, Addisworth. ADDISWORTH. My dear Vandean, men with Parliamentary duties can't keep early hours. (yawns). And I'm no earthly use here, you know. VANDEAN. No man knows it better. ADDISWORTH (takes out watch and shakes it). Had an evening off last night, though count out at nine. Female Suffrage coming on, so of course nobody kept a house. I had no end of a jolly time at VANDEAN. Shut up, I'm busy. ADDISWORTH. All right, old man. I won't say another word. (Silence a moment). What's the fun? VANDEAN. If you call a list of honours fun ADDISWORTH. Honours? Oh, by Jove, yes. Heavy lot this year? VANDEAN. Not if I can help it. ADDISWORTH. About the last chance we shall have. The country's damned sick of us. I bet we're turned out at the next election. VANDEAN. Well, there's always an obituary list you know, (pause). ADDISWORTH. I [He takes out cigarette case and is about to light up. VANDEAN sees. VANDEAN. Addisworth, the traditions of this room do not allow ADDISWORTH. Oh, hang it, I forgot. (Puts PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 7 "back cigarette case, then rises and comes to C.). I say (VANDEAN pushes 'back his chair and pre- pares to listen). I wish you'd ask the Chief to give me the G. B. (Sitting on the side of his desk). VANDEAN (pulling chair "back to desk again). Wouldn't you prefer the Bishopric of Birming- ham? It's vacant. ADDISWORTH. Oh, bar rot. Why shouldn't he? VANDEAN. Are you aware that I I am only a C. B.? ADDISWORTH. Oh, he'll give you the K. C. B. VANDEAN. No, thank you. Sir Lucius! And all the fellows calling me O'Trigger! ADDISWORTH. You see, if I got the G. B. my governor would think I was a deuced hard-work- ing chap. VANDEAN. The object of the Order of the Bath is not to foster delusion in the minds of aristo- cratic parents, Addisworth. ADDISWORTH. The governor's awfully sick at not getting the last Garter. In fact, I heard him say that the Government's Patagonian Policy was so infernal that he'd half a mind to stand neutral next election. VANDEAN (sceptical). Are you quite sure he said that, Addisworth? (Holding up paper knife). ADDISWORTH. Honour bright, old boy. I admit it was after dinner, but you needn't tell the Chief that. But if I get the G. B. (Rises and comes towards VANDEAN). VANDEAN. I'll mention it if I can; he won't look at it, of course. ADDISWORTH. Thanks awfully, (goes R. and comes back). And while you're about it VANDEAN. Oh, do shut up. How can I get on with these beastly Honours? ADDISWORTH. All right, I'll work. (Goes back 8 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. to desk R. and sits. A moment's silence) . I say, what about Pilkerton? (Rises and goes C.). VANDEAN (pushing back his chair violently and holding up the Pilkerton bundle). Only that about Pilkerton ! Who is Pilkerton ? Why do a Bishop, and two deans, 25 Members, 17 Peers, the Lord Mayor, and the President of the Royal Academy all want Pilkerton made a peer? I'm sick of Pilkerton! ADDISWORTH. He does you awfully well. And Ida Pilkerton's an uncommonly pretty girl. VANDEAN. I don't say I have any influence I don't think I have any influence, Addisworth ADDISWORTH. Oughtn't to have, anyhow chap like you. VANDEAN. But if I have any small influence with the Chief if he attaches any value at all to my opinion, Pilkerton will not get a peerage. A peerage, if you please! Now, if he wanted a knighthood, or even the Gabriel and Joseph ADDISWORTH. You could work it, if you liked. Look here, old chap, I'll chuck my C.B. if you'll manage the Pilkerton business. (Sits on edge of desk R.). VANDEAN (crossing his legs). My dear Addis- worth, you are an Earl, by courtesy, and a Mem- ber of Parliament, by an abuse. But you're .young, and, in fact, green. You don't know the rules of this game. The government of this coun- try is conducted on principles of purity, tempered by the traditions of the Constitution. (ADDIS- WORTH whistles). You, as the Duke of Wrens- ford's son, are within those traditions, and any reasonable job will be managed for you. I, owing to my birth and office, am within those traditions to a less degree, and I hope and trust that some day a job a moderately scandalous job will be managed for me. But Pilkerton is not within PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 9 those traditions. Accordingly to Pilkerton the principles of purity apply in all their native rigidity. ADDISWORTH. But if Pilkerton VANDEAN. If Pilkerton wishes to bring himself within the traditions and thus eliminate the ap- plication of the principles, there are er well ascertained ways. (ADDISWORTH about to speak). No, they are not in my department. Besides, we never put them into words or figures either. And I ask again, who is Pilkerton? ADDISWORTH (rises and goes to stove (7.). His place Packnam is in Berkshire, near our place at Wrensford. I'm going down there to-night. And the daughter, Jda VANDEAN (rises and goes to shelf). Being the father of your daughter won't do not nowadays. It would a century or two back. Now you must be the son of your father. ADDISWORTH (retreating to Ms desk, sits). If the Chief only knew Pilkerton VANDEAN. Oh, hang Pilkerton ! Besides, we're not going in for peers this time. They haven't become extinct up to average. ADDISWORTH. Oh, it don't matter how many there are, of the lower degrees (going to desk R.). VANDEAN. Addisworth, your inexpressible in- solence leaves me speechless. I [Enter from door R., MANGAN, tall, thin, grey, 'bald, sprucely dressed, carrying red hand- kerchief. His manner is affable, and rather paternal. VANDEAN at "back of desk L. MANGAN. Good morning, Lucius; good morn- ing, Addisworth. VANDEAN AND ADDISWORTH (rising). Good 10 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. morning, sir. (VANDEAN hands list to MANGAN). MANGAN (pointing to VANDEAN'S desk). Hard at work, as usual? Oh yes, the Honours, to be sure. You're getting them in order for me? (ADDISWORTH sits again). VANDEAN. Doing a bit of weeding, sir. (sits at desk). MANGAN. (to ADDISWORTH). There is no more responsible or delicate duty attaching to the office which I have the honour to hold than that of advising with regard to the bestowal of per- sonal and hereditary distinctions. It is necessary to bring to the task keen insight, balanced judg- ment, and an absolute blindness to everything except merit. ADDISWORTH (respectfully). Yes, sir. MANGAN (turning to VANDEAN). Nasty divis- ion last night before dinner, Lucius. (Going L. a little) . We were nearly spun er I should say defeated. Men stayed away. VANDEAN. These coalitions are fluky things, sir. MANGAN. I agree, Lucius, I agree. Coalition administrations are unsatisfactory. But if it is the only possible administration, why, as the Great Duke said, the Government must be carried on VANDEAN. And as long as possible by the pres- ent Ministers. MANGAN. Certainly. He was in office himself at the time and that was what Le meant. (ADDIS- WORTH laughs). But a coalition involves sacri- fices. You can't get the measures you want. VANDEAN. But you can prevent your partners getting what they want. MANGAN. Oh, I don't undervalue that feature, Lucius. ( Chuckles) . PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. H VANDEAN. Rather like marriage, isn't it, sir? With the Opposition for a mother-in-law always in the House? ADDISWORTH (patronizingly). Not bad, Van, not bad at all. MANGAN (rather severely). Lord Addisworth, do no duties claim your attention at present? ADDISWORTH (rises). I always listen when you're so good as to talk, sir. And I hope you won't think I'm taking a liberty but I make notes of your conversation keep a diary, you know like like like VANDEAN (smiling sardonically). He means Charles Greville, sir; name just slipped his mem- ory. (Rises). MANGAN (much pleased). Good, very good. A highly commendable practice. It may be your good fortune to interest posterity in my in er eminent personalities. (Turns to VANDEAN). Lucius, I have to go to Lambeth. His Grace is unhappily laid up with a cold, and I want a word with him about the Bishopric. VANDEAN. Tiresome job, Bishops, sir. MANGAN. Incredibly so, Lucius, incredibly so. Mainly, however, because our clergy are not celi- bate. (Goes up towards door ~back R. ADDIS- WORTH hastens to open door for him) . Good-bye. ADDISWORTH (holding door open). I say, sir, do you know Pilkerton? MANGAN. Bilkerton? No, never heard of Bil- kerton. Is it a food? If so, go to the War Office; they won't have heard of it, and, I've no doubt they'll appoint a Commission and ADDISWORTH. No, sir, it's not a food and it's not Bilkerton, it's MANGAN. No, no, I don't know Bilkerton. Thank you, Addisworth. Good-bye. [He goes out. 12 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. [ADDISWORTH slams door and comes down dis- consolately to C. VANDEAN has sat down again at desk L. and is busy with papers. ADDISWORTH. If the Chief could only meet Pil- kerton VANDEAN. I will not hear that man's name again to-day ! [Enter JENKINS, a large, stout, pompous old man-servant with reddish face and white whiskers. He carries a letter on a tray. As he enters ADDISWORTH sits, putting his legs on his desk R. JENKINS offers letter to VANDEAN. Any answer? [Takes it. JENKINS. No, sir. VANDEAN. (tearing it open and reading). Pil- ker ton ! ( ADDI s WORTH laughs ) . [VANDEAN drops letter in disgust. Busied with papers again. JENKINS. And there's a lady to see you. ADDISWORTH. What that? JENKINS. To see Mr. Vandean. Most of the ladies is to see you, as I'm aware, my lord ADDISWORTH. Look here, Jenkins, we want no general comments from you. JENKINS. I know my place, my lord, after fifty years. And this lady is to see Mr. Vandean. VANDEAN (looking up). Lady lady? What's her name? JENKINS. The lady gave no name, sir. VANDEAN. Look respectable? JENKINS. Well, sir, I should rather say fash'n- able. VANDEAN. All right, show her up. Give me a minute first though, Jenkins. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 13 JENKINS. Very good, sir. [He goes up heavily and out C. [VANDEAN rises, goes to mirror on wall "by window R. C. and titivates his hair and tie, humming the while. Then he turns round, looks at ADDISWORTH, and comes slowly down C. VANDEAN. Did you hear what Jenkins said? (Comes to C.) ADDISWORTH. Yes, old chap. VANDEAN. Does it suggest no course of action on your part? ADDISWORTH. All right. I'm only waiting to see who she is. VANDEAN. Presumably that's just what she doesn't want you to know. ADDISWORTH (moving his legs off the table slowly). Of course, if you make assignations at your official VANDEAN. Exalted birth, Addisworth, excuses stupidity without necessitating impertinence. ADDISWORTH. Take care, Van ! You'll be mak- ing an epigram one of these days and getting yourself taken for a society novelist. (VANDEAN threatens a rush at him). All right, I'm off. (He rises and darts to door L., opens it, calls hack) Give her a kiss from me! (Exit leaving door ajar) [VANDEAN walks up, looks at door, smiles, closes it, sees it is really shut and goes up to mirror again. As he is looking at himself JENKINS opens door C., and al- lows LADY HETTY to pass in, closing door behind her. VANDEAN turns round on noise of closing door. 14: PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. HETTY (pointing to mirror). Changed in noth- ing after all these years ! VANDEAN. Why why it's Lady Hetty! And I was just looking to see how much changed, you know HETTY. Still so vain ! VANDEAN. No, no ! more diffident ! ( Taking Tier hand and shaking it cordially). Delighted to see you again ! HETTY. After years and years ! [They come down together. VANDEAN. It seems ages, but (looking at her) it doesn't look it. [He offers her chair L. C. She sits. HETTY. I haven't seen you since my husband died three years. ^ VANDEAN (sitting R. C.). Poor old Wrey! What an awful time he had of it ! (She raises her brows) I mean in his illness, of course. HETTY. I nursed him myself right to the very end. VANDEAN. If you want a thing well done (a movement from HETTY) Eh? HETTY. Really, you're rather ambiguous, Mr. Vandean. VANDEAN. I'm so awfully glad to see you, Lady Hetty. HETTY. It is pleasant to meet again, Lucius. So you're still with Mr. Mangan ? VANDEAN. Oh yes, till I get a better job, you know. HETTY. We did have jolly times once, didn't we? VANDEAN. By Jove, we did! (Both laugh). HETTY. Before I was married, I mean. VANDEAN. Oh, so do I, certainly. Do you re- member that picnic, Hetty ? HETTY. I think I do Lucy. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 15 VANDEAN. Ha, ha! Lucy! Yes, you used to call me Lucy. Look here, if you call me Lucy, I shall call you Hetty. HETTY. Well, you did. VANDEAN. I did? When? HETTY. Just now before I called you Lucy. VANDEAN. Gad, did I? What creatures of habit we are! HETTY (rises). Yps, you're the creatures and we're the habits. VANDEAN. You're a habit that wears most un- commonly well. HETTY, (moves L. a little, pointing to his desk). You look too busy for compliments. What are all those bundles? VANDEAN. Oh, official correspondence horri- bly dull. HETTY. What about? VANDEAN. Well, just now they're mostly about honours. HETTY (thoughtfully). Oh! VANDEAN. People wanting something or other, confound 'em! HETTY. Don't be scornful. Don't you want anything ? ( Coming "back ) . VANDEAN. Oh yes, I want a larger income. That's solid. They want HETTY. I'm horribly poor too. (sits). VANDEAN. Bore to be poor! HETTY. And in debt! Horrid! [A pause they sit in gloom.] HETTY. Lucius, I I've something to say to you. VANDEAN. We are alone (pulling his chair a little closer to hers). Fire away. HETTY. It's nothing at least, it's not import- 16 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. ant well, it is rather important. In fact, I'm most tremendously interested in it. VANDEAN. I understand your feelings about it perfectly. It's a private matter, of course? I mean not official? Because, you know, I couldn't HETTY. Oh, quite private only just a little bit official too. VANDEAN. I mustn't I really mustn't discuss official matters with you. (Rising). HETTY. Of course not, Lucius, I should never suggest it. Do you happen to know anything of a Mr. Pilkerton? VANDEAN. You too! A Mr. Pilkerton! Do I happen to know anything! (reaching the PILKER- TON bundle from desk L., and holding it up). That's Pilkerton all Pilkerton! HETTY. I daresay. He's got lots of friends. VANDEAN. I should say he had (pitches bundle "back on desk). A bishop and two deans, 17 peers, 25 members, the Lord Mayor HETTY. He's Mr. Pilkerton's stockbroker, Lucius. VANDEAN. The president of the Royal HETTY. Mr. Pilkerton is forming a gallery of British art. VANDEAN. But if I have my way Pilkerton shall not HETTY. He's quite a friend of mine. VANDEAN. Heavens! You don't mean to say you've come here to back up Pilkerton? HETTY. I'm staying with them now- I'm great friends with Ida Pilkerton. VANDEAN (sitting "by her again). You're look- ing so guileless! What's the game, Lady Hetty? HETTY. There's no game indeed there isn't. Only I'm great friends with all the Pilkertons. VANDEAN. With Mrs. Pilkerton? PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 17 HETTY. Mrs. Pilkerton is dead. VANDEAN. Heavens! You're not going to marry Pilkerton? (Rises). HETTY. Lucius, he's sixty ! Old Mr. Pilkerton is sixty. VANDEAN. Old Mr. Pilkerton? Then there's ? HETTY. Jack, the son, is a charming fellow. (Hastily) So I thought I'd just come and have a friendly little chat with you. VANDEAN. Lady Hetty, you don't seem to recog- nise that the government of this country is con- ducted on the principles of purity HETTY. Well, you see, papa was a Cabinet Minister once. VANDEAN. Tempered by the traditions of the Constitution. Now as I have had occasion to remark before to-day Pilkerton is not within those traditions: consequently to Pilkerton the principles of purity apply in all their native HETTY. I thought you might like to do some- thing for an old friend, that's all. VANDEAN. I deeply regret that my duty abso- lutely forbids. (Pause). HETTY. I wish you knew Ida Pilkerton. They've got a little party this week end. They'd be awfully pleased to see you. Do come. Of course this subject won't be so much as men- tioned; (VANDEAN laughs) but but you really ought to know them. VANDEAN. Once for all, I'll have nothing to do with any of the Pilkertons ! HETTY (rising in a huff). Oh! very well. But if you call that friendship (Going L.). VANDEAN. It is with deep pain that I HETTY. I don't believe you care one single bit ! [flhe turns away as door L. opens very sud- denly and ADDISWORTH darts his head in as if to catch them unawares. 2 18 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. ADDISWORTH (seeing that visitor is HETTY, much disappointed). Why, it's only Lady Hetty! [Comes on L. VANDBAN (going to his desk). Sold again, my young friend ! HETTY. Only Lady Hetty! You rude boy! ADDISWORTH. I thought I might catch him flirt- ing. HETTY. Oh, he wasn't doing that. He's been simply horrid. ADDISWORTH. Never mind old Van. Come and see my room, Lady Hetty, it's rather jolly. HETTY. Ought I? VANDEAN. Oh yes, see his room; he's very proud of it, and really I I'm very busy. [Sits at desk and takes up papers. HETTY. / don't want to hinder you. ADDISWORTH. Come along. HETTY. I'm coming, Lord Addisworth. ADDISWORTH. This way! [He goes out L. eagerly. HETTY (stopping on her way). Mr. Vandean (smiling), if if anybody VANDEAN (absently). What, Lady Hetty? HETTY (laughing). No. On second thoughts it doesn't matter. [Goes out L. VANDEAN. 'Pon my soul, these women think a man's got no conscience! [Sets to work with papers. [Enter JENKINS at back and stands at door.] JENKINS. A lady to see the other lady, sir. [His face expresses strong disapproval. VANDEAN. Oh, confound it, how can I get on? well, show her up. [JENKINS stands aside and allows IDA PILKER- TON to come in. Then exits, closing PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 19 door. VANDEAN does not perceive that she has entered and goes on working. She stands a moment, then comes timidly down to C. IDA (embarrassed) . I I am up. VANDEAN. Eh? (looking up) I beg pardon. (Jumping up) I didn't see you. To what am I indebted for? IDA. Hetty said I should find her here. VANDEAN. Oh yes, she is here. At least, she's in the next room with Addisworth. IDA. Didn't she tell you I was going to call for her? VANDEAN. No, I don't think she mentioned it. But I'm exceedingly glad. [He has examined her, and his manner is empresse, and indicates admiration.] IDA. How odd you must have thought it! (Pause, looks round). Would you mind telling her I'm here? (Comes down a little). VANDEAN. In a moment there's really no hurry. Pray sit down. (She sits L. C.) Addis- worth is showing her his room he's very proud of it. It would be a shame to interrupt them. IDA. But I'm afraid you're so busy. VANDEAN. Not a thing to do not a thing to do, I assure you. (Sitting down beside her). Miss? IDA (laughing). Why you don't even know your invader's name! I'm Ida Pilkerton. VANDEAN (starting back). Pilkerton! You Miss Pilkerton? IDA. Well, I must be Miss Somebody. VANDEAN. Yes, temporarily anyhow. (!DA laughs). But I should never have guessed it. IDA. I daresay you know the name? Papa's so famous. 20 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. VANDEAN. Yes, I have (glances towards desk} heard it. Tell me about Mr. Pilkerton. Let's have a talk about him. IDA. You must know about papa? He's " Save your-Penny Pilkerton." VANDEAN. Save-your-penny ! Yes wait surely I remember! IDA. Papa advertised that he sold everything a penny a pound cheaper than anybody else could. So he called himself " Save-your-Penny Pilker- ton " on all the posters. VANDEAN. Of course! Wonderful commercial enterprise. How could he do it? IDA. Well, when he couldn't take it off the price he took it off the pound, I expect. VANDEAN. Beautifully simple! IDA. Yes, but nobody has ever thought of mak- ing a speciality of it before. VANDEAN. So now he's very rich? IDA. Oh yes, awfully. VANDEAN. Then he's a very lucky man (looking admiringly at her) all round. IDA. All round? (glancing at him, shy but pleased). That that's very nice of you. But you mightn't think so if you knew me better. (Rises, crosses to L., and looks at desk VANDEAN rises). You said you weren't busy and look at this! (She goes to chair, looks at him, and, with a defiant smile, sits down in his chair). What are they all about? VANDEAN (coming L. and leaning his arm on the raised lack of the desk). Official letters, I get them in order for the Chief. IDA. And tell him all about them? VANDEAN. Yes. IDA. And tell him what to do? VANDEAN. Yes oh er no of course not. (Carelessly). Sometimes I make a suggestion. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 21 IDA. What a lot of power you must have, Mr. Vandean ! ' VANDEAN (pleased). No, no, I assure you. Per- haps just a little a little influence. IDA. I'm sure he does nothing without consult- ing you. Don't you really govern the country? (Leans back in chair) . VANDEAN. Oh, come now, you're chaffing me, Miss Pilkerton. IDA. Well, I know papa says he hears you do. Papa has a great admiration for you. He wants to know you awfully. VANDEAN (slowly and suspiciously). Oh, does he? IDA. Did Hetty give you our message? I hope you don't think it impertinent? She said she knew you so well that you wouldn't mind. And since she's going to be there, and Lord Addisworth too VANDEAN. It's most kind of you and of Mr. Pilkerton. IDA. And you'll come, won't you? VANDEAN. Look at that desk. Official work keeps me a close prisoner. IDA. On Sunday, even? VANDEAN. In the service of the State we sacri- fice even Sunday. IDA. I'm sure you could come if you liked. Though there are a lot of bothers here, aren't there? May I touch? [VANDEAN is watching her closely. She takes up the PILKERTON bundle and sees the name.] Why why here's our name! Pilkerton written on the back of this. How funny ! VANDEAN. Are you surprised. IDA. Yes, it's so funny that just the day I come 22 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. and pry about your desk my own name should happen to be lying uppermost. (She looks up and sees Mm regarding her closely). Why do you look at mje like that? Oughtn't I to have touched the papers? [A slight pause. VANDEAN (going to her and facing her). Fm going to ask you rather an odd question. IDA (nervous and resentful). You you look as if you were. VANDEAN. You appeared surprised just now. Were you really surprised to find your name your father's name among my papers? IDA. Why should I seem surprised if I wasn't surprised? You're looking at me so strangely. Why is papa's name there? (Leaning 'back). VANDEAN. I think I'd better not answer that. IDA. No, I oughtn't to have asked. (Rising). But you're looking as if you suspected me of some- thing as if you thought I wanted to get some- thing out of you. Do you think that? VANDEAN. No, really I don't IDA. I believe you do, and it's rather hard. Because what could I want from you? Do you suspect me? (Goes down L. Laughing in an agi- tated way). Oh, I daresay I deserve to be sus- pected sometimes, but when there's nothing to be suspected of VANDEAN. I hope I haven't hurt your feelings ? IDA. Yes, you have. I don't understand it, and I'm not used to being treated like that. (Pause). Please call Lady Hetty. I only came to meet her, and and because I thought it would be fun to see your room. But it's not fun any more. Call her, please. VANDEAN. Indeed I apologise most humbly. We get suspicious here ; everybody that comes has an axe to grind IDA. But what in the world could I ? PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 23 / VANDEAN. I know. It was very stupid of me. IDA. Yes, I think it was very stupid. (Turns away). VANDEAN (advancing a step towards her). Won't you forgive me? IDA. No, I won't forgive you. VANDEAN. That's rather hard, Miss Pilkerton. I'm so anxious to atone. IDA. I don't believe you want to atone. VANDEAN. Oh come, just try me. IDA. I won't forgive you unless you come down and stay with us to-night. VANDEAN. To-night? Oh, but look at (Points to desk). IDA. And stop till Monday. (Turns to him C.). VANDEAN. Oh, I say! IDA. Such hard terms, Mr. Vandean ? VANDEAN. Such hard terms to resist. IDA. Think how you've sinned! VANDEAN. But it's so immoral to reward me. IDA. That's rather (both laugh) neat if only you wanted to come. VANDEAN. But I think that somehow I do want to come. So now you'll forgive me? IDA. I forgive you thoroughly. Will you (she holds out her hand) come? VANDEAN (taking her hand). I'll do my pen- ance I will come. And we're friends again? IDA. Perhaps when you come. VANDEAN. Not till then? [He is holding her hand and looking at her she turns her eyes away the sound of laughter is heard off L. Then HETTY comes in, followed by ADDISWORTH.] HETTY. Ah, here she is ! I left a little surprise for you, didn't I, Lucius? (Coming C.) VANDEAN. The pleasure was the greater. 24: PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. wouldn't you like to see my room? (Shakes hands). Lady Hetty thinks it's ripping. HETTY. Yes, do go, Ida dear. Have you two made friends? IDA. Oh yes. VANDEAN. Oh yes! ( Pause J HETTY. You look rather bored and serious. VANDEAN. A privilege of friendship. HETTY. And a proof? ADDISWORTH. Come along, Miss Ida. (Up to door L.) HETTY. He'll never rest till you go, my dear. IDA. Fm going. [ADDISWORTH holds door L., for her; she crosses L. and goes out, he follows her.] VANDEAN (R. C.) And I suppose, my dear diplo- matist, that you've something private to say to me? HETTY (L.C.) Yes. You let out nothing, did you? VANDEAN. Let out nothing? HETTY. Yes, I ought to have warned you. Ida knows nothing about that. [She points across to desk. VANDEAN (eagerly) She doesn't? HETTY. Not a word. If her father's peerage comes, it's to come as a complete surprise to her. VANDEAN. And is how it comes to be a sur- prise too? HETTY. No, that's to be a secret. (Smiling). Dear Ida is a little visionary and and unpracti- cal. VANDEAN. I see. HETTY. She mightn't understand that some- times it's necessary to to oh, well, yon under- stand ! PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 25 VANDEAN. Oh, certainly, I understand. HETTY. In fact, Ida's rather peculiar VANDEAN. In her own family, anyhow! HETTY. So we just keep it dark. Sure you didn't give it away? VANDEAN. Not a hint of it. HETTY. And isn't she charming? Aren't you sorry you're not coming to Packnam to-night? VANDEAN. But I am going to Packnam to- night. HETTY (mockingly}. Oh, Lucy, Lucy, Lucy! VANDEAN. Oh, Hetty, Hetty, Hetty! Be off with you you and your wicked ways! I never know whether the nice women are nicer than the not nice women, or the not nice women nicer than the nice! HETTY. And in which class do you put me, please, sir? VANDEAN. In the suspended state of judgment which I have indicated it doesn't matter. [Enter MANGAN at back. He coughs.] Hullo, the Chief! (Goes R.). MANGAN (coming down to C.). Why why who's this? VANDEAN. Very irregular, I'm afraid, sir, in working hours. But you know Lady Hetty Wrey? MANGAN (going to her) . To be sure! Come to see Lucius? Come and give me a kiss, my dear. HETTY. I declare I think I will ! You're look- ing so handsome to-day. Aren't you ever going to grow old, Mr. Mangan? MANGAN. Not while I get this by keeping young, Hetty. [He kisses her. [IDA enters, followed ly ADDISWORTH.] Why, quite a party ! HETTY (hanging on MANGAN'S arm). This is 26 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. my very, very great particular friend Ida Pilker- ton. I brought her here. Scold me if you like. MANGAN. I'm delighted to make Miss Pilker- ton's acquaintance. HETTY. This is Mr. Mangan, Ida. IDA. I'm I'm very proud MANGAN. Surely, Addisworth, I've heard Miss Pilkerton's name before to-day. ADDISWORTH (extreme left above IDA promptly). No, sir. MANGAN. Didn't you mention it to me, or some name like it? ADDISWORTH. No, sir. MANGAN. Perhaps it was you, Lucius? VANDEAN. No, sir. MANGAN. Well, it seems very familiar. HETTY, Why, of course it is ! Ida's father is (she looks at IDA laughing) " Save-your-Penny Pilkerton." MANGAN. Yes, yes, yes, to be sure! Your father's a remarkable man, Miss Pilkerton. IDA (eagerly). Yes, isn't he, Mr. Mangan? HETTY. Now we'll be off and leave you to your horrid work. [Releasing his arm and offering her hand] MANGAN. Good-bye, my dear. My best love to my old friend Lady Thetford. HETTY. Lady Thetford? MANGAN. Your mother. HETTY ( gently ) . Retf ord. MANGAN. Of course! How stupid! To my dear old friend Emma Retford. HETTY. Emily, dear Mr. Mangan. MANGAN. To my dear old friend Emily Eetf ord. [They shake hands. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 27 [HETTY goes up to door *back, ADDISWORTH going up to open it. VANDEAN is down R. IDA goes to MANGAN and shakes hands.] Good-bye, good-bye. IDA. Good-bye, Mr. Mangan. Mr. Vandean, au revoir. VANDEAN. Au revoir, Miss Pilkerton. [HETTY and IDA go off back. ADDISWORTH goes with them.] MANGAN. Nice girls, Lucius. I like nice girls. VANDEAN. Widely diffused sort of taste, sir. MANGAN. The Archbishop wants Smedley for Birmingham. Just look up all about him and about his wife, you know. VANDEAN. Very well, sir. [ADDISWORTH re-enters. MANGAN crosses to- wards door R., which VANDEAN opens for him.] MANGAN. And send me in the Patagonian pa- pers. VANDEAN. Won't you have a turn at the Hon- ours, sir? MANGAN. They'll do next week. Have them ready for me on Monday. And let me have any remarks that occur to you about them, Lucius. VANDEAN. I will, sir. MANGAN. Nice girls ! [MANGAN passes off R. and VANDEAN closes door after him. Then VANDEAN sits down at his desk with a sigh and takes up the Pilkerton bundle. ADDISWORTH sits at his desk. A moment's pause.] ADDISWORTH. Honours on Monday ! That's the day I come back from Packnam. 28 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. VANDEAN (absently). Yes, the day we come back from Packnam. ADDISWORTH. We? Hullo! VANDEAN. Am I, or am I not, to get on with the Honours, Addisworth? [ADDISWORTH looks at him smiling. VANDEAN sorts papers with great diligence as the CURTAIN FALLS. ACT II. SCENE : A sitting room at Packnam, Pilkerton's country house. Room is prettily furnished, but solid style rather than especially artistic. Doors R. and L.U.E. At back full-length window leading into garden and showing a path, grass and trees beyond. Down R. a fire- place with high fender round it, which forms a seat; above fire an armchair. L.C. a settee diagonally across stage, below it, to L. a stool. On L. against wall a card table. It is Sun- day afternoon about 5. Quite light (early autumn). [JACK PILKERTON sits in armchair above fire R., the " Sporting Times " on his knees. BASCOM sits on fender, smoking a cigar- ette. JACK in light tweed and brown gaiters, BASCOM in suit of dark material. Both have cloth caps with them, or some- where within reach. JACK has a simple, rather blunt manner. BASCOM is precise and melancholy. JACK. I'll mention it to the old man, I can't do more. BASCOM. Thanks, Jack. I think that if my claim was properly put before your father JACK. It wants a bit of putting, in my opinion, Bascom. 29 30 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. BASCOM. My father was your father's partner, that's it JACK. He died before the business became worth anything. BASCOM. The claim is a sentimental one, no doubt. JACK. That's no claim at all in the old man's eyes. BASCOM. Well then, I'm well known in the neighborhood of Wrensford. Being Member for the division gives me influence and position there. I should be of use to you, and JACK. And it's 1,200 a year! BASCOM. I want the money. Politics cost such a beastly lot. Besides, I want to marry Mamie Henson. (JACK laughs). Such a girl! Anyhow, try and get Mr. Pilkerton to do this job for me. JACK. There are no jobs done in our business. We're not the Government, Bascom. BASCOM. You'll have a shot at it for me? I don't want to give up the House. JACK. I'll tell him; but as for influence, I've no more than I had when I was ten years old. Well, you know the old man yourself. BASCOM. Prickly, eh? JACK (laughing). Well, except in the family, and even there hardly BASCOM. Malleable, eh? JACK. By Jingo, no! (Enter HETTY from gar- den. JACK looks round). Hullo, Lady Hetty! HETTY. Hullo, Mr. Jack! (She comes down C. BASCOM rises, JACK slews his chair round a little towards her.). What are you two confab- bing about? BASCOM. A bit of business of mine. HETTY. And not of mine? (JACK, watches her as she talks). Thank you, Mr. Bascom. (Going R.C.). PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 31 BASCOM. I can only wish my business was yours, Lady Hetty. HETTY. A proposal? In public! (Laugh from HETTY and JACK). BASCOM. A wail of despair! HETTY. Oh, you humbug! Shall I tell Mamie Henson? (JACK laughs). BASCOM (going up towards back). I promised to play a round with Addisworth. HETTY. Golfs a horrid game. I played with Mr. Pilkerton this morning, and he made me keep the rules. JACK. Yes, the old man would do that. (BAS- COM laughs bitterly, puts on his cap and strolls out). Old Bascom's more funereal than ever. HETTY. Well, he's gone, anyhow. JACK. Have you come to take me for a walk? HETTY. Presently, perhaps but (she comes and sits on the arm of his chair). Jack, do you really and truly love me? JACK. Like a house on fire, Hetty. HETTY. And you're prepared to face every ob- stacle for me. JACK. Yes. Oh, barring the old man, of course. HETTY. Barring the old man, yes! You're afraid of him, though? JACK. Well, it's not exactly being afraid. I'm not afraid of the law of gravitation, but my move- ments obey its rules. I rise or fall according. But cheer up ; he likes you, and if you work hard for him HETTY. And for you, dear Jack JACK. Yes, tell me that, I like it; but it won't appeal to the old man. HETTY. But he's very fond of you, and he adores Ida. (Rises and goes O.) JACK. Still, the old man has his adorations under strict control. 32 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. HETTY. And have you yours? HETTY. You know, (going to JACK again) I'm not quite happy about Ida. Harry Addisworth says the Honours are to be settled to-morrow ; he told me in the very strictest confidence and I've mentioned it to not a soul except Mr. Pilkerton and you. JACK. Wonderful! But what have the Hon- ours to do with Ida? HETTY. Well, Mr. Vandean says nothing; and I think Ida rather likes him. JACK. And he her? HETTY. Yes, he likes her too. JACK. And do you fancy either of those two facts would surprise the old man very much? HETTY. Surprise him ! I should as soon think of surprising a driving-wheel Oh! [She darts up and away from JACK and seats herself demurely on the settee as two FOOTMEN enter from R., one carrying folding table which he opens and places just "behind settee at upper end of it, while the other carries tea things, which they place on table and arrange. Tea already ! We must have our walk after- wards. JACK (discontentedly). All of us? HETTY (watching FOOTMEN). On Sunday, yes. (FOOTMEN go out). But not all in the same direc- tion, you dear old stupid. ADDISWORTH (off). Tea, tea, tea! [ADDISWORTH comes in from garden, goes to table, takes cake, bites it and comes down R. eating it. He takes stand on hearth- rug and eats. Then enter PILKERTON L. with IDA clinging to his arm. He is PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 33 spare, clean shaven, scanty iron-grey hair, rather sallow face. A young sixty. IDA. There, I've brought him. He was work- ing working ! (Back of tea table R.C.). [She kisses him, releases his arm as they reach tea-table and begins to make tea. PIL- KERTON comes and sits on settee beside HETTY, below her. He leans back, seem- ing tired and rather inclined to listen than talk. 'ADDISWORTH. A man who can work after Sun- day lunch ouf ! [Finishes cake in a big mouthful. IDA. Father's difficulty is not to work. HETTY. It's what fathers are made for. JACK. And sons are made to. ADDISWORTH. Hear, hear, hear, hear! HETTY (to ADDISWORTH). What have you done with Herbert Bascom, Harry? I hope you've not let him commit suicide? ADDISWORTH. Well, I left him handy on the links. Golf's all very well for the first hole, but after that it's killingly monotonous. Can't think why there should be more than one hole. PILKERTON. You're sitting a long way from me, Hetty. HETTY. My mistake, Mr. Pilkerton. I'll come much closer. [She sits close to him. JACK. The way those two carry on! IDA. Shameful ! PILKERTON. You see how little my children re- spect me, Addisworth. ADDISWORTH. Well I suppose it isn't business hours. IDA (clapping her hands). The intelligence of the boy ! 3 34: PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. HETTY. I'm always afraid of a man who's ami- able at tea. He's sure to do something disagree- able before dinner. PILKERTON. And after dinner? HETTY. Men are at the weakest. ADDISWORTH. And women at their worst. IDA. Nonsense! Come and get your teas! ff Glass crash). JACK. What's that? ADDISWORTH. Sounds like a public meeting. [JACK rises and takes tea to HETTY and PIL- KERTON. ADDISWORTH gets tea for him- self and returns to fender. ADDISWORTH. Tea, tea! (He brings with him the cream jug and empties it in his cup). JACK. I say, are you living on cream? (Goes' and takes jug from ADDISWORTH and hands it to HETTY and PILKERTON. They discover it is empty and look at ADDISWORTH). [Then IDA gives JACK tea and takes cup her- self, sitting down at tea table. BASCOM enters from garden with a golf club. IDA. Just in time, Mr. Bascom! BASCOM No, thank you. Tea's poison to me. (He comes down L. below couch as they sip their tea.) I've just driven a ball through the billiard room window. JACK. Golf ball? ADDISWORTH. Or billiard ball? PILKERTON. A minor point. My mind is on the window. BASCOM. I'm sorry. You see my luck's dead out. [He sits on stool L. looking forlorn. JACK. The estate'll stand it, old man. IDA. I wonder where Mr. Vandean is! PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 35 HETTY. Haven't seen him since lunch ; but then I've been asleep most of the time myself. ADDISWORTH. Daresay Van's been working PILKERTON. And been allowed to go on, not having a daughter. IDA. Don't be impertinent, papa. [Enter VANDEAN from L. He carries a large "bulky blue envelope with a l)ig seal. JACK puts cup down on table. Oh, there you are, Mr. Vandean! VANDEAN. I smelt tea. (He comes to table and takes a cup from IDA; he holds out the envelope to her in the other hand). What will that weigh? [They all turn to look at Mm. IDA. Oh, a shilling, at least. HETTY. What's inside? VANDEAN (laughing and throwing letter down on card table, L.). Some stuff for the Chief. There's a post to-night? [He drinks tea. JACK. Eight o'clock. (Sits in armchair). ADDISWORTH. I say, Van, have you remem- bered my C.B.? VANDEAN (setting down cup). Good lord, my dear boy, I forgot all about it! I can't open the thing now, can I? Besides, it's all bosh, you know. ADDISWORTH. Bosh be hanged! I'm in dead earnest about it. [IDA leaves table and comes and sits on the arm of JACK'S chair. VANDEAN comes down to L.C. below couch. He thus gets right in front of BASCOM, who sighs patiently and shifts his stool, with him- self on it, further down L., VANDEAN tak- ing no notice of him. 36 PILKEKTON'S PEERAGE. IDA (to ADDISWORTH, laughing). You don't mean to say you've got the ? JACK. Cheek IDA. Yes, cheek to ask for a G.B.? VANDEAN. They've always had plenty of cheek. That's how they got a dukedom. We're much older than they are. Why, we were marauders when they were only honest peasants! But my ancestors had no impudence, confound ? em ! BASCOM. We are better men than our fathers some of us, Vandean. VANDEAN. Hullo, Bascom, old boy, are you be- hind there? Don't spoil your natural gloom merely for the sake of scoring off me. IDA. I didn't know people ever asked for things like that. ADDISWORTH. How in goodness' name did you think they got them? IDA. Why, by deserving them, of course. VANDEAN. Yes, yes, of course. That is oc- casionally, Miss Pilkerton. IDA. Anyhow not by cadging for what they don't deserve. [ADDISWORTH, JACK, HETTY and VANDEAN all rather uncomfortable, glancing momen- tarily at PILKERTON. PILKERTON is quite impassive and BASCOM appears not to hear. A moment's pause. VANDEAN. Cadging is er of course merely a a PILKERTON. A term of abuse, Mr. Vandean. ADDISWORTH. And distinctly insulting, Miss Ida. (Lights cigarette). IDA. Pooh ! VANDEAN. The fact, I need hardly say, is that er representations are made ADDISWORTH. From influential quarters PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 37 BASCOM. To the proper quarters VANDEAN (turning a moment). Oh! Ah! thank you, Bascom. To the proper quarters that in er certain quarters (Pause. Gives cup to BASCOM). IDA. Well? VANDEAN. Why, that it's felt that something ought to be done. ADDISWORTH (approvingly). Old Van's got it. HETTY. I do admire a man who knows how things are done. VANDEAN (strolling across to hearthrug and standing by ADDISWORTH, lighting a cigarette}. It's not quite good form You do smoke here? (IDA nods). Not quite good form to ask for your- self. A asks for B, then B asks for A. Then they both ask for C, and then C does a turn for both of them, and so it works out all round. IDA. I see how the asking's done. Now, how is the giving? VANDEAN. The giving is conducted on princi- ples of purity, Miss Pilkerton ADDISWORTH. Tempered (VANDEAN digs him in the ribs). Oh! VANDEAN. Tempered by the traditions of the Constitution. PILKERTON. And the political exigencies of the Administration. VANDEAN. Oh, oh, Mr. Pilkerton, rank treason ! I mustn't listen, really. IDA. Doesn't merit come in at all then? VANDEAN. Why, of course it does if there's anything left. ADDISWORTH. Merit comes in at the bottom that's why I ask for a C.B. VANDEAN. Oh, shut up about your miserable C.B. ! Besides we've told quite enough secrets already. 38 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. IDA. You'd never have said such things if they'd been true. PILKERTON. Exaggerate your truths a little, and they're often the most useful form of decep- tion. ADDISWORTH. Hear! Hear! Hear! Hear! HETTY. Oh, you know a great deal too much. I shan't trust myself any longer near you. (Mov- ing a little away). And I wonder you've brought up the children half as nice as they are! VANDEAN (indicating HETTY). She's very fas- cinating, Mr. Pilkerton, but quite immoral. HETTY. Why that's what my poor husband used to say! ADDISWORTH. Well, I suppose he had oppor- tunities of judging? HETTY. But then he said all women were. PILKERTON. Ah! The wisest of us generalise sometimes. JACK (jumping up). Come and walk. We must get an appetite before dinner. [He goes up to window. HETTY. Yes, come along. (Rises and goes up R.) ADDISWORTH. Yes, we must get an appetite be- fore dinner. (Takes a huge piece of cake and fol- lows to C. up, and BASCOM rises with a sigh and follows slowly). HETTY. I've just got to get my hat. Wait for me, Jack. ,^,. [She goes off R. [JACK, ADDISWORTH, and BASCOM stop at win- dow, light cigarettes, then go out to- gether. IDA has slipped into JACK'S armchair. PILKERTON looks at her, then at VANDEAN, then rises slowly. PILKERTON. I'll leave you and Ida to thrash out the subject, Mr. Vandean. (He turns to L., PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 39 then turns back towards VANDEAN; he points to letter on card table). The post goes at eight. VANDEAN. Eight ! Yes, thanks, I know. PILKERTON. Not till eight. (Goes L. a little). VANDEAN. It's quite ready, thanks, Mr, Pilker- ton. [ PILKERTON glances at Jiim, turns and goes slowly up to door L. IDA. Not going to work again, papa? PILKERTON. Just to read through and sign a few letters. Oh, nothing, my dear ! [He goes off L. [VANDEAN sits down on fender. A short pause. VANDEAN. What a reprehensible institution Monday is! IDA. .Must you really go? VANDEAN (pointing across to card table). There lies my avant-courier. I must be hot on his tracks. IDA. Say a word for poor merit, won't you? I'm its only companion. VANDEAN. If I were as powerful a one, merit would be looking up. IDA. Did you think me silly and ignorant? I don't know much about politics we've never had much to do with them. Papa's a Liberal-Conserv- ative and Jack's a Conservative-Liberal quite different opinions, aren't they? VANDEAN. Well, different sides, anyhow, and that's more important. IDA. But I don't think either of them care much. Are politics really interesting? VANDEAN. Politics is just another name for men and sometimes women. So sometimes they're not interesting, and sometimes (shifting PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. to end of fender, nearer her chair) they are most uncommonly. IDA (smiling). Even the women? VANDEAN (smiling). More especially. But never mind politics now. I haven't thought of them since Wednesday evening. IDA (pointing across to card table). Oh yes, this afternoon ! VANDEAN. I had to do that tedious job. It's done there's an end of it! IDA (rising, strolling up to window, and look- ing out). Isn't it beautiful? (turning round and leaning against window). Isn't it wonderful how some days the sun shines brighter, the flowers smell sweeter, and everything is far more lovely than usual, Mr. Vandean ? VANDEAN (rising and leaning on armchair, look- ing at her). It seems so to-day? IDA. Yes, somehow. VANDEAN. And yesterday? IDA. Yes, yesterday too. VANDEAN. And and to-morrow? IDA. Oh oh I don't know It must be all nonsense, mustn't it? [She comes down to O. VANDEAN. I suppose so or it wouldn't be so pleasant. IDA (sitting on couch L.C.). Where do you live in London? I should like to be able to picture you. VANDEAN (crossing to L.C. and sitting by her). I live in a small flat near Berkeley Square. Small because I'm poor and Berkeley Square because I'm proud. IDA. Poor, proud and powerful (Laughing). You should take bribes, Mr. Vandean. VANDEAN. I can imagine a case in which I should be terribly tempted. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 41 IDA. Oh, yield and be a millionaire! VANDEAN. I wasn't thinking of money, I was thinking of (he checks himself). But you're not serious? IDA. Dear me, no ! You suspected me of some* thing once. (Looking at him.) VANDEAN. No no, IDA. Yes, you did. I don't know what; but I should never suspect you of anything that wasn't quite straight of any sort of intrigue or ma- noeuvring, you know. VANDEAN. It gives me more pleasure than I can tell you to hear you you of all people in the world say that Thank you. IDA. It's quite true. I should never suspect you of anything like that. I should as soon think of suspecting papa himself. VANDEAN. Er thank you again. IDA. And I know you were only joking about the Honours. I know that if you have any influ- ence you'll use it to help deserving people you'll consider only merit you'll VANDEAN. Oh, Lord! [He rises abruptly and walks up to the win- dow. She looks after him. IDA. Is anything the matter? You've seemed rather restless all day. VANDEAN (coming down to R.C. opposite her). I believe I've caught a complaint. IDA. Infectious? VANDEAN. I hope so within a limited area. IDA. Well, I daresay I've had it already. VANDEAN. Not often, I hope! IDA. Is it serious? VANDEAN. Well, it seems so. IDA. Tell me what it is. 4:2 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. VANDEAN. Shall I? [They look at one another for a moment. I think I must. You know what I'm going to say. [She rises slowly, becoming agitated as she comes to understand his meaning. You must know it? I'm not a trifler, not a phiL anderer IDA (faintly). No, no, I'm sure VANDEAN (coming nearer to her). And so you must know? Ida, I [The door L. is opened sharply. PILKERTON comes in, carrying five or six letters. He comes quickly to ., between but above them, glancing keenly at them. PILKERTON. I want to speak to Mr. Van dean, Ida. And you ought to be out of doors. Run away, my dear. Put these in the box (gives her letters) as you go through the hall. IDA. Yes. Shall I post yours too, Mr. Van* dean? VANDEAN. Oh, thank you. [He is about to go and get his letter, but PIL- KERTON stops him with a gesture. PILKERTON. Do as I tell you, Ida. [She glances from him to VANDEAN with a troubled air, goes up R. slowly and off R. PILKERTON comes down and sits on sofa. VANDEAN goes R. to hearthrug. A pause. VANDEAN. I'm glad you came in then, Mr. Pil- kerton. I was going to do what under the circum- stances I had no right to do. PILKERTON. Yes? VANDEAN. I was going to tell your daughter I loved her, without your permission. I lay down (smiling) no general rules; I don't decide be^ PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 43 tween Romeo and the Capulet family that's an old dispute. But in this case well, she's young, and I'm not quite so young; she's new to the world, and I'm not quite so new. Finally, it hap- pens that I'm poor, while you are, I presume, un- usually rich? PILKERTON. Several weighty reasons against w r hat you were going to do. VANDEAN. I forgot them and myself. I have to thank you for my rescue. PILKERTON. But I imagine she understood? VANDEAN. I'm afraid that's rather likely. But I hope I may complete her illumination under the proper sanction? (Standing up). I pretend to no excess of humility. I come of good stock and hold a position I'm not ashamed of. Some day I hope for a good berth. The Chief always looks after his men, and I may say without vanity that he likes me. PILKERTON. I hear you hold an exceptionally high place in his confidence. (Pauses). You think Ida has a fancy for you? VANDEAN. I can hardly hope for more on so short an acquaintance. PILKERTON. Which would grow if the acquaint- ance grew? VANDEAN. Honestly I think so. PILKERTON. But that depends on me? VANDEAN (laughing). Oh, I must admit that unreservedly. PILKERTON. I only wanted to have it quite clear; Mr. Vandean. You've told me something about yourself and you're in a position to know something of what my friends think of me. VANDEAN. You refer to ? PILKERTON. You know what I refer to. VANDEAN. It's rather a delicate matter to dis- cuss with you. 44 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. PILKERTON. I don't desire to discuss it. I have only this to say (he rises) I want that peerage, Mr. Vandean. VANDEAN (slowly). I don't quite understand. PILKERTON. I want that peerage. (He goes up towards door L., points to letter on card table). The post doesn't go till eight. We meet at dinner. Till then, Mr. Vandean. [Goes off L.. VANDEAN stands a minute, then sits again and lights cigarette very de- liberately. VANDEAN. Hum ! [Enter ADDIS WORTH from garden, wearing cap and carrying stick. ADDISWORTH. Seen Lady Hetty and Jack, Van? They never turned up to walk, and I can't find 'em. VANDEAN. I don't suppose they meant you should. ADDISWORTH. Well, I won't go alone with Bas- com, that's flat. (He comes down and flings him- self on couch). What have you been up to? VANDEAN. Been having a talk with Pilkerton. He's not eloquent, but he's very lucid. ADDISWORTH. Was it about the traditions of the Constitution, Van? VANDEAN. What the devil does he want a peer^ age for? ADDISWORTH. Jack says it would increase his trade enormously especially American trade, you know. I say, Van, why are you so extra virtu- ous over this particular job. VANDEAN. Because I fancy I've got a bit too much to gain by it myself. ADDISWORTH. What, you mean ? VANDEAN. Oh, you can guess. And you mustn't PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 45 get too much for yourself, you know. It strains the traditions. ADDISWORTH. By Jove, I never thought of this happening. VANDEAN. Can you say the same for that bag- gage Hetty Wrey? And Pilkerton doesn't go the right way about it. A man must go about it the right way. ADDISWORTH. Rather a funny situation ! VANDEAN. Well, the sort of situation that strikes other people as funny, I daresay. The humour falls a trifle flat on me. [HETTY looks in from garden. HETTY. Oh, I was looking for VANDEAN (springing up, going quickly up to her and catching her by the arm] . Here, we want you! HETTY. What are you doing? VANDEAN. Come and take her other arm, Ad- disworth. [ADDISWORTH obeys, leaving stick leaning against settee. That's right. (They bring her down between them). Sit her down. (They seat her on settee). Stand there. [Points to L. below sofa. ADDISWORTH stands there. VANDEAN R.C. opposite. HETTY looks from one to the other, amazed but amused. HETTY. What game are you playing, please? VANDEAN. What game have you been playing? ADDISWORTH. Out with it, Hetty! (Takes up stick). HETTY. Hetty? VANDEAN. This is no moment for formality. 46 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. ADDISWORTH. Or even for ordinary politeness. Make a clean breast of it. (Shaking stick). HETTY. Don't murder me, anyhow! VANDEAN. Lady Hetty, I am torn between love and duty. And the infamous feature of the whole case is that you meant I should be. HETTY. Tell me what I've done. VANDEAN. You brought Ida to the office you brought me down here or tried to ; you've worked the whole show in order that ADDISWORTH. That he might be smitten by Ida VANDEAN. And barter my honour ADDISWORTH. For her love VANDEAN. And throw away all scruples ADDISWORTH. And get Pilkerton VANDEAN. His infernal peerage All all in order not to help me, but to make up to Pilkerton yourself and ADDISWORTH. And get leave to marry Jack! HETTY. Good gracious! VANDEAN (retiring to R. and sitting on fender}. I think we've stated our case clearly and briefly, Addisworth. ADDISWORTH (reaching for stool L., bringing it to L.C., and sitting) . I never spoke better in the House. HETTY. Are you just playing the fool, or is there anything serious? VANDEAN. Well it it feels serious. HETTY. Oh! Have I done something rather rather dreadful? VANDEAN. Eggs are cheap, but you shouldn't break too many to make your omelette. HETTY (low). She cares? [They don't answer. And Mr. Pilkerton? VANDEAN. He wants his peerage. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 47 ADDISWORTH. Yes, old Pilkerton wants his peerage. HETTY. And she would be unhappy? [They don't answer. Oh, I don't suppose you care, but if it comes to that, I'm unhappy. And how you bully me! VANDEAN. You're unhappy too? [She nods vigorously. He comes across to her. VANDEAN. Jack? [She nods again. I forgive you, Hetty. HETTY. Lucius dear! ADDISWORTH. But this scoundrel of a Pilker- ton? (rises and kicks stool). HETTY. He must have his peerage. VANDEAN. Never through me! HETTY. But Ida? VANDEAN. I can't help it. It's not the thing, Hetty. I must be square with the Chief. I must give him an honest opinion. ADDISWORTH. And that's against Pilkerton? VANDEAN. For what it's worth, it's straight in Pilkerton's teeth. HETTY. Oh, it's not my fault ! Who could have supposed she'd care for you? (ADDISWORTH laughs). VANDEAN. You should consider even remote possibilities. ADDISWORTH. And anyhow you meant him to like her. HETTY. Yes, I did do that. Oh, I'm a villain after all! Oh, Lucius, can't you be just a little bit more corrupt than usual just for this once, you know? VANDEAN. Fascinating but quite immoral, Hetty ! 4:8 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. [Enter JACK L. y looking very disconsolate. He comes down to C., between HETTY and VANDEAN. JACK. Oh, here you are, Hetty ! [VANDEAN goes off to fender and sits, HETTY. Where have you been? JACK (gloomily). With the old man. [VANDEAN begins to drum his feet on the floor in impatience. ADDISWORTH. You don't look very gay over it, old chap. JACK. Do you particularly mind not drumming your feet like that, Vandean? VANDEAN (irritably). Oh, all right. HETTY. What's the matter with you now, Jack? JACK. I tried to say a word for poor old Bas- com, who's devilish down on his luck. ADDISWORTH. No go? JACK. I thought the old man might do some- thing for him. But the moment I began he jumped clean down my throat. HETTY. But why? Poor Mr. Bascom! JACK. The old man wanted to know what Bas- com had done for him. VANDEAN. Did that point of view surprise you in your father, Pilkerton. JACK. So I dropped it and went on I say, I should like to speak to you, Hetty. HETTY (rising). Come into the garden. VANDEAN (rising). No, we'll go. Fresh air'll do us good. ADDISWORTH (rising). Yes, we'll go and talk it over. Where's my stick! [Gets it and goes up to window. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 49 VANDEAN. All right. I suppose if a man was going to be hanged, he'd like to talk it over. [He follows ADDISWORTH up and they link arms and go off together slowly and sor- rowfully. HETTY sits again. HETTY. Oh, Jack! [She moves a little and smooths away her skirts, inviting him to sit by her. He sits by her. She nestles close to him. He puts his arm round her waist, but goes on speaking with undiminished gloom. Oh, Jack ! JACK. I asked him whether I might ask you to settle our wedding day; but he said there was a previous question HETTY. Well, there isn't, that's all. JACK. Which he would discuss with me on the day the Honours List came out. HETTY. Can he still mean ? Oh, and I have worked for him ! Why, I got him the Bishop ! JACK. It's not enough to work. To please the old man, you must work successfully. HETTY. And he's always pretended to be so fond of me! JACK. He is fond of you, but that's no reason for not making use of you not with the old man. He's got it into his head that you and Yandean can work this business if you put your backs into it. And if you don't work, he'll be as disagree- able as he knows how and, to do him justice,, what he doesn't know in that direction isn't worth knowing, Hetty. HETTY. What a father! JACK. He's not unkind, but he doesn't approve of individuality in the family circle nor beyond it for a considerable radius. Well, I believe that if Vandean liked 4 50 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. HETTY. Hush, Jack ! Well, you're a Pilkerton too, bless you! [She kisses Mm. As she does so PILKERTON enters from L. He sees them, but beyond a smile takes no notice. He comes down L.O. JACK rises and walks sulkily off to the hearth-rug. HETTY looks at him de- fiantly without moving. PILKERTON. Ah, Jack, not gone to dress yet! Surely it's time? JACK. Time in about half-an-hour, father. PILKERTON. No, no, you young men take such a long while making yourselves beautiful. [For a moment JACK and he look hard at one another, JACK seeming about to rebel, PILKERTON smiling. Then JACK begins to move slowly up to back. JACK. Oh, all right. I'll begin my dressing in the garden with a cigar. PILKERTON (blandly). Where you please, my dear boy. (JACK looks around angrily, but goes out into garden). I wanted to speak to you, Hetty. HETTY. Your tactful methods failed to conceal your object, Mr. Pilkerton. PILKERTON. Never waste your time trying to conceal the obvious. [He sits on settee, lower end. HETTY draws herself away to extreme other end. HETTY. And I want to speak to you too. I just want to say that I consider you the cruellest and meanest and most selfish man I ever met. PILKERTON. Then it's evident you've never been in business, Hetty. HETTY. Don't call me Hetty. I'm not your PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 51 friend. Your friendship is only a sham. What's it worth to me? PILKERTON. The exact question I was going to ask about your friendship to me. HETTY. And you'd make your son and daugh- ter miserable! (Rises in anger and stands R.C. in front of couch) . You say you love them, but you'd make them most unhappy ! PILKERTON. I'm very fond of my children very fond HETTY. It looks like it, doesn't it? PILKERTON. Hetty, do you know what a firm is a business firm? HETTY. Of course I do. I'm not an idiot. PILKERTON. Only when you're angry, my dear Hetty. HETTY. Oh ! PILKERTON. Well, I regard my family as a firm. We all have something in the firm ; we work for the firm, we draw profits from the firm. Also we act in accordance with the judgment of the head of the firm. Again, Hetty, if anybody not already in the firm should wish to enter it I put a case he or she must bring something into the firm, or clearly it's unfair to the existing part- ners. He or she would be getting something for nothing, which in business is, of course, quite inadmissible. HETTY (despairingly). You're so terribly hard. I've tried to help you. PILKERTON. If a man has to put 10,000 into a firm before he can join it, and hasn't got the 10,000, what's he got to do, Hetty? HETTY. Raise the money, of course. I know something about that, anyhow. PILKERTON. Just so raise it (smiling) not try to raise it, Hetty. That's the way of the world I point it out. I didn't make it. 52 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. HETTY. Yes, you did you and men like you* You make the world the odious, hard, unfeeling thing it is. [IDA'S voice is heard from the garden gaily singing a little catch of song. PILKERTON (gently). Ah, that's dearest Ida. HETTY. Dearest Ida, indeed! [IDA enters from garden. She carries five or\ six roses, rose leaves, a pair of scissors and wire to tie the flowers into button- holes. She comes to C. IDA. Hetty ! And father ! Oh, I've caught you again. I shall tell somebody! (HETTY turns abruptly and goes up right). Going, Hetty? HETTY. Yes, going to dress. [She flounces out R., PILKERTON watching he with amused smile. IDA. Have you been teasing her, papa? PILKERTON. Teasing dear Hetty! Good gra cious, no, my dear! [IDA sits on settee, on his R IDA. You're sometimes a little inclined tc tease, you know. Now I'll do my button-holes Let's see you, Jack, Lord Addisworth, Mr Bascom, Mr. Vandean five. Now which do you; choose? PILKERTON (after careful examination) That's decidedly the one for me ! IDA (pointing to another). That one, dear? PILKERTON. No, no, that one. IDA. Oh-h that one? Of course you can have that one if you really like it best, but I thought I thought that particular one would suit Mr. Van dean's complexion rather well. You shall have this one, it's just as pretty. (She begins to makt PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 53 the 'button-holes and continues to occupy her- self in making them during the conversation). Don't you think Mr. Vandean's nice? PILKERTON. A pleasant man, but rather re- served. IDA. I daresay he wants encouragement. But he's seen such a lot and knows so many people. And I expect he's got a lot of influence, though he says he hasn't. PILKERTON. I shouldn't wonder if he had, Ida. IDA. He's so funny about his work, pretending it's all jobbery; and of course Lord Addis worth backs him up. I don't believe half of it. There's your button-hole let me put it in for you. (She puts it in). Don't forget it when you change your coat. Now I'll do Mr. Vandean's. Do you know what I should like to happen, papa? PILKERTON. Let's hear your particular desire, my dear. IDA. I should like some honour to come tumb- ling out of the sky for you. PILKERTON. For me, eh? IDA. Yes, wouldn't it be delightful ? And then they wouldn't be able ta talk any more nonsense about merit not counting, or the whole thing being jobbery and intrigue. PILKERTON. Yes, I imagine they'd hold their tongues about jobbery then. IDA. A baronetcy no, that's not enough a peerage, papa ! And I should be the Honourable ! Why, I believe I'm a snob after all ! PILKERTON. You'd be pleased, Ida? IDA. Of course I should, but to our old friends I should pretend it was a bore. PILKERTON. You're not so simple as you look, my child. IDA. No, I know a thing or two, don't I? There's Mr. Vandean's button-hole, and it looks 54 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. simply beautiful! (Lays it down carefully). Now for Lord Addi^ worth's. Any of them will do for him. PILKERTON. His complexion's not so difficult to suit? [He rises, looking rather annoyed, and strolls to hearthrug. She sits still, and rapidly finishes another button-hole. IDA. There ! My maid must do Jack's and Mr. Baseom's, or I shall be late. [Gathers up flowers, rises and turns as VAN- DEAN and ADDISWORTH come in from the garden. ADDISWORTH. Hurrah, here's Miss Ida not dressed ! I thought we were late. IDA. So you are, and so am I. I must run. (To ADDISWORTH). Here's a button -hole for you. [Goes up a little, he coming down to meet her above settee and taking it. ADDISWORTH. Thanks awfully, it's ripping. (Strolls down to R. and leans on armchair). Jolly evening, sir. PILKERTON. Remarkably fine. IDA (to VANDEAN who is up R.). Will you have one too, Mr. Vandean? VANDEAN. Indeed I will. Won't you put it in for me? IDA. Oh, yes. [She begins to do so. PILKERTON. Your letter's still there, Mr. Van- dean. VANDEAN. Thanks for reminding me I'll put it in the box. IDA (finishing putting in button-hole). There! VANDEAN. A thousand thanks. IDA. Now I must really run. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 55 ADDISWORTH. So must we all. [He turns and goes towards R. IDA. You'll be late, Mr. Vandean. [She pauses a moment, waiting for Mm. VANDEAN. I'm coming. PILKERTON. Mr. Vandean! VANDEAN. Yes, do you want me? [He comes slowly down to C. ADDISWORTH joins IDA up R. and opens door for her. She goes off slowly, looking round at VANDEAN. ADDISWORTH follows her off. VANDEAN looks at PILKERTON a moment, then goes and takes letter from card table and returns with it to L.C. PILKERTON. It's ready to post? VANDEAN {rather stiffly) . It has been this hour past, Mr. Pilkerton. PILKERTON. You've found nothing to add? VANDEAN. Nothing. [A moment's pause. PILKERTON. If there were anything I should like to hear, you would have mentioned it? VANDEAN. I should have mentioned it. PILKERTON (slowly). There's no need of more words. VANDEAN. I think none. (PILKERTON nods and moves from hearthrug to R.C. as though to go up to door L. He pauses) . If you would prefer that I caught a train this evening ? PILKERTON. There is no train. And I'm de- delighted to entertain you to-night. (VANDEAN bows coldly). But as far as making love to my daughter VANDEAN. Really, Mr. Pilkerton, I PILKERTON. As far as making love to Ida is concerned, you must understand that you stay in my house this evening on parole. (He goes up to 56 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. door L. and opens it. Turns to VANDEAN again). You understand, Mr. Vandean, on parole? VANDEAN. I understand, sir on parole. [PILKERTON goes out. VANDEAN stands look- ing at the letter as the CURTAIN FALLS. r ACT III. SCENE : The same as in Act II., "but in the evening after dinner. The windows stand open, with curtains not drawn. The night is very fine and the moon casting a clear light on the garden outside. The couch has "been moved a little up, and a small table placed ~by it to L. to hold coffee cups, cigarettes, etc. [HETTY and IDA are sitting side ~by side on the couch HETTY to L. drinking coffee. They are in evening dress, hut each has with her a light scarf or l)oa or other covering for her shoulders when she goes into the garden. HETTY. Fancy Jack contradicting Mr. Pilker- ton like that at dinner! I didn't know what would happen. IDA. Oh, it was only about politics. Papa never minds that. But somehow Jack did seem rather pleased to give him a dig. Mr. Vandean enjoyed it too. HETTY. It wasn't a very lively dinner alto- gether. IDA. You weren't very lively, Hetty. HETTY. Well, I'm awfully worried, and being lively when you're worried always sounds so spasmodic. IDA. I'm so sorry. Can't I help, dear? [HETTY shakes her head and puts down her cup. 57 58 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. Because I feel rather gay. ( Gives HETTY her cup, and HETTY places it on table). Papa hasn't been grumpy to you? HETTY. Not exactly, but he won't let Jack and me settle anything. It's all right to be attached, and it's all right to be detached, but to be semi- attached is horrid. IDA. I wonder if I dare try him ! He's been so nice to me to-day. HETTY. To-day ! Oh, for goodness sake let him alone to-day. IDA (laughing). Why to-day in particular? HETTY (rather confused). Well, I think he's worried too. Business, I suppose. IDA. Pork jumping up and down probably. That always upsets papa. (Turning to look to- wards garden). What a night ! It feels more like July. Aren't you coming out? HETTY. Not yet. Let me digest. IDA. Oh, you might be forty or any age! (Takes scarf and rises). Well, if if they ask for me, tell them where I am. HETTY. Yes, if they ask I'll tell them. Shall I do it in a whisper, Ida? IDA (laughing and a little confused). Be a dear, anyhow. [Enter VANDEAN from R.] Oh, but here is Mr. Vandean ! (To VANDEAN, who stops up R.). Coming to smoke in the gar- den, Mr. Vandean? I'm going. VANDEAN. Oh yes, er IDA. Come along. VANDEAN. Presently. IDA. Presently? VANDEAN. I promised to play billiards with Bascom. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 59 IDA. Oh, if you promised, of course! Very well. [She goes out, showing anger. VANDEAN looks after her a moment, shakes head dolefully, comes down to fire and sits on fender, spreading legs out before him and looking gloomy. HETTY sniffs, then be- gins to search for her handkerchief in all possible places. VANDEAN watches. VANDEAN (after pause). Can I help you in the er undertaking ? HETTY. Oh, it's only my handkerchief. (She finds it on the couch by her). How stupid here it is. (She dabs her eyes). VANDEAN. Only a cold, I trust? HETTY. For goodness sake don't be sympa- thetic, or I'm gone! Lucius, is there the least chance for Mr. Pilkerton? VANDEAN. Absolutely none. HETTY. Is that due to you? VANDEAN. No. HETTY. The truth, please! VANDEAN. That is the truth. I may have some little influence between ourselves, possibly I have. But if I tried to use it in a case like this, the Chief would see there was something up. A job must be plausible unless the man's very highly related. Besides HETTY. Oh, never mind the reasons. You've told me all I wanted to know\ VANDEAN. We're companions in misfortune, I fancy. HETTY (holding up handkerchief warningly). Don't. Why don't you go into the garden with Ida? VANDEAN. I promised to play billiards with Bascom. 60 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. HETTY. Oh, that's nonsense, you know. Every- body chucks Mr. Bascom he's that sort of man. VANDEAN. Well then, I'm here to-night on parole. HETTY. Because of ? VANDEAN. Because I've got some honesty about me. HETTY. Ah, it's always so troublesome. How miserable everything is! VANDEAN. Bascom will be congenial company, anyhow. Is it worse to be stone-broke or to be crossed in love? HETTY. It's possible to be both. [Dabbing her eyes. [BASCOM puts in Ms head L.] BASCOM (gloomily). Coming to play those beastly billiards? VANDEAN. Yes, old man hang the billiards ! BASCOM. Come on, then. [Exit. VANDEAN rises and strolls across to- wards door L. HETTY. Send Jack here, will you? (savagely). I've given no parole. VANDEAN. All right, I'll send him. I hate bil- liards, you know. [He goes off L. slowly and sulkily, kicking a chair out of the way as he goes. HETTY rises, wanders up to the window, and stands looking out. [JACK enters L., goes to her, takes her in his arms, and kisses her. HETTY. Oh Jack, I'm so unhappy ! [He puts his arm round her waist, brings her down to couch, and they sit side by side. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 61 JACK. I've made up my mind to something that is, if you'll make up yours. If you won't, I shan't have the pluck either. HETTY. What is it? JACK. Why, that we'll stick to one another in spite of everything. HETTY. In spite of everything? JACK. Well, in spite of the old man, I mean, of course. HETTY (incredulous). Jack! JACK. Oh, I'm in a deuce of a funk, I admit that. You don't put yourself absolutely in an- other man's hands for years without a bit a bit of a qualm at the thought of fighting him especi- ally when he's your father and a good father too. But I'll do it sooner than lose you, Hetty. HETTY. What would he do leave you to starve? JACK (indignantly). Do you think I should starve, or let you starve either? HETTY. Not starving means a a good deal with me. It's such a relative expression, Jack ! JACK. Anyhow I'd make a home for the woman I love. HETTY. The woman I love! That's a nice romantic old-fashioned sort of phrase, isn't it? A home for the woman I love ! I haven't heard it for years, living in society. Jack, I love you exactly ten times as much as I did when I got up from dinner. JACK. And I feel rather more as if I deserved your love. HETTY. That's beautifully old-fashioned too, I don't know if it's the fault of the men or the women. To think we should turn out the regular, proper, persecuted lovers! Where's a rope-lad- der? I never thought I should come to it. JACK. I've brought you to it, by Jove! 62 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. HETTY. Yes, and let me whisper I don't think anybody else could. (She kisses him, then rises gaily). Now I'm going to have the whole thing. Come and walk in the moonlight and vow ! JACK. Vow? HETTY. Yes, you must vow. Persecuted lovers always vow. JACK. May I smoke while I vow? HETTY. Now you've spoilt the illusion. To- bacco wasn't invented in the days when we were in love. What nonsense! But I'm so happy. (She takes his hands and pulls him to his feet). Do come. I don't want to see anybody but you for a little while. JACK. You dear old Hetty! (They go slowly up together and into the garden). [A short pause. ADDISWORTH comes in L. He stands holding door open and calling off. ADDISWORTH. Well, Bascom, if you're as rotten at bridge as you are at billiards I don't wonder he swore at you. What? Oh, Mrs. Warmfield who swore, was it? Then I'm still less surprised. What? Oh, rot! (Shuts door, comes down, takes cigarette from box on table, crosses R. to fender, lights cigarette and sits on fender). Where's Ida, I wonder? [Enter from garden PILKERTON, in an old soft hat with woollen shawl round shoulders. These he places on a chair R. of window and comes down to R.C. in deep thought, without seeing ADDISWORTH. Have you seen Miss Ida, Pilkerton? PILKERTON (with a slight start). No I haven't. ADDISWORTH. You look as if you could bear to PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 63 be alone. (Rising). I think I'll go and look for her. PILKERTON. No, don't go. I was thinking (He sinks into armchair just above fire. ADDIS- WORTH standing "by fire) how many people there are in the world who expect to get something for nothing. ADDISWORTH. The Scriptures encourage the notion, you see. PILKERTON. In business it is, of course, entirely inadmissible. ADDISWORTH. Suppose it is unless you're born in the swim. That's where we beggars come in. (stretching himself). Awful bore going back to town to-morrow! PILKERTON. You've your work to do. ADDISWORTH. That's the worst of it. Van's got to see the Chief and I shall try to be there, learn- ing the ropes. PILKERTON. I think you will learn them ; you have plenty of wits and I hope your father keeps you up to the mark as to work? ADDISWORTH. You may leave that department in the governor's hands with every confidence. PILKERTON. Candidly, Addisworth, what do you think are the prospects of my little affair? ADDISWORTH. You're well backed, but I'm afraid it's no go. PILKERTON. Have you any theory why it's no go? ADDISWORTH. Well, if you press me yes, I have. PILKERTON. I should like to hear it. ADDISWORTH. I don't generally speak the truth to my seniors. It sounds so deuced disrespectful. PILKERTON. Never mind the respect; we're alone. ADDISWORTH. It's this way, then. You re- 64 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. marked just now that in business a lot of people expected to get something for nothing; and you said it was inadmissible. Don't you think per- haps the same remark applies in politics? It's all very well for any number of swells to say what a good chap you are, and that you've done no end of big things PILKERTON. I have done some big things. ADDISWORTH. And that you're no end of a big pot. PILKERTON. I am a man of some importance presuming that to be what you mean. I have built up a great business. I've promoted the com- mercial interests of the country. I ADDISWORTH. All very well, if we lived in what's-its-name Utopia ; but we don't, you see. PILKERTON (smiling a little). No, and I'm not sure I should be better suited if we did. ADDISWORTH (dropping cigarette and sitting again on fender) . But put yourself in the Chiefs place. What have you done for him? It's from him you're asking something. The Chief'll say, " Mr. Pilkerton seems to have done uncommon w r ell for himself and I shouldn't be surprised to hear that he's worked an oracle or two for some of the chaps who are cracking him up so. But I should like to know what in the deuce's name he's done for us. What's he done for the party?" That's what the Chief'll say, Mr. Pilkerton. PILKERTON. And the answer? ADDISWORTH. Well, what is it, sir? Have you been through the mill? Have you fought elec- tions ? Have you excuse me forked out ? Have you sat in the House and voted straight right or wrong? Have you backed us in all our blunders? No! You sit on the fence most of the time and for the rest I believe you're against us. PILKERTON (thoughtfully). Jack's for you. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 65 ADDISWORTH. The Chief can't give you a peer- age because of Jack's politics, you know. PILKERTON. Thank you, Addisworth. You're a young man of singularly lucid mind. With the advantages your birth gives you, you ought to go far. ADDISWORTH. Thank you. You don't mind my repeating that to the governor? PILKERTON. But it's too late to start on all that to start going through the mill now. Be- sides, I've no time no patience for it. ADDISWORTH. I'm awfully sorry, sir, but you asked the truth. PILKERTON. I greatly admired your exposition of it. ADDISWORTH. What old Van calls the tradi- tions of the Constitution. PILKERTON. I don't wish our conversation men- tioned to Mr. Vandean. ADDISWORTH. Quite right, sir. Van's back is up the less we say the better. (He rises). PILKERTON. Are you going? ADDISWORTH. I thought I'd look for the girls. PILKERTON. Capital idea. But help yourself to some whiskey and soda first. ADDISWORTH. Thanks. [Goes L. to a table below door where decant- ers and soda water are. He helps him- self and comes ~baek L.C. PILKERTON (rising and standing 'back to fire). We were comparing business and politics just now. In business I've sometimes found that there was one thing even more useful than having helped a man and that, Addisworth, was being able to hinder him. The power of being disagreeable, er? ADDISWORTH (laughing). I should think so! 5 66 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. Make yourself a nuisance and ! (He laughs again, drinks, goes and replaces glass on table L.). Do you want me any more? PILKERTON. No, no. (He comes slowly to C. and sits on coucJi, seeming very thoughtful). ADDISWORTH. Then I'll go and find Miss Ida. (Goes up to window. As he reaches it, PILKER- TON turns towards him). PILKERTON. Would you mind looking in at the billiard room window I think it's open and ask- ing Bascom if he would give me ten minutes any time after he's finished his game. ADDISWORTH. I'll tell him all right, Mr. Pilker- ton. [Exit "by window. [PILKERTON sits a moment, then goes to table L., and drinks soda-water. Then returns slowly to conchy sitting at left end of it. PILKERTON (murmuring). But the time's so short! (He falls into meditation again). [HETTY enters at hack, looks round, sees PIL- KERTON, and beckons to JACK who fol- lows her on with an air of caution. HETTY (whispering). There he is! JACK (whispering). Now for it! As we ar- ranged ! (She puts one hand through his arm and lays the other on the top of his arm, looking up at him in a sentimental attitude). That's right. PILKERTON (raising his head with a start). Is that you, Bascom? [They come down to R. keeping their attitude, and take a stand facing PILKERTON. Oh, you, Hetty! And Jack! And what a pretty attitude you're in! Is it a tableau? Have I to guess? Just keep it a moment longer. JACK. We've something to say to you, father. PILKEKTON'S PEERAGE. 67 PILKERTON (smiling). You interrupt me rather. I was thinking of something. HETTY. But what we have to say is very, very important. PILKERTON. Unlike what I was thinking of, I suppose? JACK. Hetty has promised to be my wife in a month, father. [PILKERTON starts forward a moment, then slowly sinks l)ack with a smile. PILKERTON. How amiable of Hetty ! HETTY. Mr. Pilkerton, I hate you when you smile like that. Do you think it costs us nothing to come and say this to you? PILKERTON. I haven't considered how much it will cost you yet. JACK. In taking this step, father, I have not acted without grave, earnest, and PILKERTON. Don't be long-winded, my boy. You mean that you and Hetty are going to do as you please and see me at the devil? That's it, eh? HETTY. We shouldn't have expressed it quite like that, Mr. Pilkerton. PILKERTON. But in words to that effect? JACK. Well yes. PILKERTON. That's right. Now we know where we are. HETTY (tremulously). I'm not so sure of that. PILKERTON. Oh, yes, we do. And so mightn't you two er (pointing at them) relax your ro- mantic pose? Which has, I assure you, had all the effect that is to be expected from it. HETTY (half laughing). Oh, you're odious! [She releases JACK'S arm. JACK stands a moment, then goes off and gets himself a drink. He comes "back to L.C. 68 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. PILKERTON. Now it's a little less like a story book. Jack, this is in essence a business propo- sition of yours. You propose to act indepen- dently of the Managing Director? JACK. I should indeed welcome and prize your approval PILKERTON. Oh, you're getting back to your story book ! And have you forgotten that it's Sunday evening? HETTY. Oh, what Las that got to do with it? PILKERTON. On Sunday I never transact any business that isn't pressing. JACK. But, father PILKERTON. This business isn't pressing. We'll discuss it to-morrow evening. HETTY. Not pressing ! When the happiness of our whole lives, all we love best in the world, is at stake? PILKERTON. Not pressing to we, Hetty, I meant. To-morrow evening! HETTY. I don't suppose that the crisis in any- body's life was ever treated like that before ! PILKERTON. My dear, I deal with the crisis in twenty people's lives every working day. When- ever we refuse to renew a bill perhaps eh, Jack? But we do refuse habitually. To-morrow eve- ning, please. [JACK goes round 'back of couch to HETTY and takes her arm. JACK (low). We must let him alone now he's not thinking of us. HETTY. How can he help it? JACK (low). I expect he can. Come along. PILKERTON (not looking round). Just look in at the billiard room window, Jack I think it's open and ask Bascom to give me ten minutes i any time when he's finished his game. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 69 JACK. Yes, father. (He takes HETTY up to back). [ADDISWORTH enters from garden and meets them. The three exchange words, HETTY pointing to PILKERTON with exasperation, JACK shrugging his shoulders. ADDIS- WORTH laughs The three then go out to- gether, HETTY first, then JACK, ADDIS- WORTH last, slapping JACK upon the back. Through this PILKERTON sits quite still. After they have gone, a short pause. Then VANDEAN enters L. PILKERTON hears door and turns quickly. PILKERTON. Is that you, Bascom? (He sees VANDEAN and is disappointed). Oh, it's you, Mr. Van dean ! VANDEAN. All right, Mr. Pilkerton. (He comes down L.C.). Bascom's coming to you as soon as he's cleaned the chalk off his waistcoat. May I have a drink? (Goes and helps himself as he speaks). He's got an extraordinary habit of chalking himself all over at billiards. (Drinks then coming down L.) Trying to keep a private record of the score, I believe. (Takes and lights cigarette. PILKERTON has relapsed into inatten- tion). Have you any objection to my taking a stroll into the garden ? PILKERTON. Not the least and as 1 want to see VANDEAN. Yes, I know, Bascom. And it's a large garden, isn't it? PILKERTON (puzzled). A large garden? VANDEAN. Well, I expect your daughter's some- where in it, and I might meet her, that's all. PILKERTON. There are many topics of general interest you could discuss with her, if you hap- pened to meet. 70 PILKEETON'S PEERAGE. VANDBAN. Yes, of course prospects of the crops the Hoxton murder position of the Gov- ernment. PILKERTON. The murder is a more cheerful sub- ject surely for you, Mr. Vandean? VANDEAN. Oh, I don't know. We've a narrow- ish margin, of course. PILKERTON. Eleven, eh? VANDEAN. Come, come, that's double figures. And if we tide over this Patagonian business with out any more of those infernal bye-elections PILKERTON (slowly). You wouldn't like one now? VANDEAN. Heaven forbid ! Don't suggest such an awful thing. [Enter BASCOM I/.] Ah, here's Bascom. I'll leave you to your talk. [BASCOM comes down to L.C. as VANDEAN goes up behind him. Looks to me, old chap, as if you'd got a splodge of chalk in the middle of your back. BASCOM. Very likely hang the chalk! VANDEAN. Perhaps it's only the light, you know. (He strolls off into the garden). BASCOM. I hope I haven't kept you waiting? You said I was to finish my game. PILKERTON. No hurry at all. Sit down. (BAS- COM crosses to R.). I was sorry not to be able to admit the strength of the claim Jack put forward on your behalf about the managership of the Wrensford works. BASCOM. I didn't expect anything different. My luck's dead out. PILKERTON. Jack hinted something about difficulties. BASCOM. He might have done more than hint my creditors do. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 71 PILKERTON. Been extravagant? BASCOM. Only in politics. I know I've no claim on you, but well, I want to get married too. PILKERTON. Ah, you're engaged. Sit down, Bascom. [BASCOM sits in armchair R.] BASCOM. These three years. Such a girl ! But as for any prospect well, there it is! PILKERTON. When I said I couldn't admit your claim I referred to the special claim you put for- ward. I choose my men for their own sakes, not their fathers'. In many ways I consider you well suited for the post in question. You are known and liked in the neighbourhood; you are able, I think, and I know you to be trustworthy. BASCOM. Could you give me a trial ? PILKERTON. I have reached the position I now occupy, Bascom, by giving a constant and undi- vided attention to business. I expect the same from my associates in return for such a salary as 1,500 a year. BASCOM. Jack said 1,200. PILKERTON. 1,500 to start with. But as to salary we shouldn't quarrel. As you may sup- pose, my operations are on such a scale that a few hundred a year more or less are of no ac- count, if I can get a man I can rely on, and if if I get his heart in my work. BASCOM. I'm sure my heart would be in it, sir. PILKERTON (rising and facing him). Your whole heart your whole energy your whole time? BASCOM. You mean the House? PILKERTON. Am I unreasonable? I consider my business and my business only. BASCOM. I hate to give up the House. It's an end of my ambitions. 72 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. PILKERTON. A postponement, perhaps. BASCOM. And Mamie's proud of my being In the House but I needn't bother you about what she feels. PILKERTON. Nor yourself, if you'll take my ad- vice, Bascom. Am I making you a good offer? BASCOM. Yes, a splendid offer. PILKERTON. Is my condition unreasonable? BASCOM. No, no, I can't say that. But it's it's an awful wrench. PILKERTON. For my part, I've always been of opinion and recently I've become more and more convinced of it that in business as in well, most other matters, to expect something for noth- ing is inadmissible. I offer something I ask something. You want what I offer you boggle at what I ask. Inadmissible, Bascom! BASCOM. But the sacrifice PILKERTON. Say the price. If you buy a bottle of wine, you don't call your half-guinea the sacri- fice. It's the price, the price of the wine. BASCOM. But it may be too high. PILKERTON. Ah, that's a reasonable point now. And that's the point you have to consider. Con- sider it in all its lights and in the light of your own position. BASCOM. You'll give me a few days, sir, I dare- say? PILKERTON. We're early people in the country. (Looks at watch). I'll give you half-an-hour BASCOM. But I can't possibly PILKERTON. The man who can't make up his mind on anything in half-an-hour is not the man for my business, Bascom. I made up my mind to make you this offer in thirty seconds; you can surely decide on it in thirty minutes. BASCOM. I should have liked to write to Mamie. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. , 73 PILKERTON. So superfluous ! Besides, my offer is confidential. BASCOM. Well, I'll try. You know we should inconvenience the Government most awfully? PILKERTON. Yes, I've not forgotten that, Bas- com. BASCOM. My seat's shaky, and a bye-election, now PILKERTON. I've thought of all that, Bascom. And (slowly) it's no objection in my eyes. BASCOM. I say, do you mean to stand your- self? PILKERTON. Suppose I do? BASCOM. But you're against the Government! PILKERTON. Suppose I am? BASCOM. And I expect you could win the seat? PILKERTON. Suppose I could? BASCOM. But it would mean why, it would mean something like death to the Government ! PILKERTON. Suppose it would? BASCOM. But I can't see what you mean by it. PILKERTON. Never mind what I mean, that's my affair. Your resignation would have to be immediate. I wish you to enter on your duties on Tuesday. BASCOM. If at all, the sooner the better to- morrow if you like. PILKERTON. Yes. If I were you, I should even write the necessary letters to-night. (Going to- wards door R.) Think over it. (At door R.). And in half-an-hour ! [Exit R. BASCOM remains seated on couch. A moment's pause. ADDISWORTH enters from garden and comes down R. ADDISWORTH. Hullo, Bascom,- what are you doing? BASCOM. Thinking. 74: PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. ADDISWORTH. Well, don't overstrain yourself. It's only Sunday you've the whole week before you. BASCOM. No, I haven't and it's a crisis in my life. ADDISWORTH. By Jove, I shouldn't have thought you had such a thing about you! (BASCOM rises impatiently and goes up past him to R.). Sorry, old chap didn't mean to be flippant. Unburden your heart. BASCOM (going to door R.). No, I can't. I'll go to my room and think it over. ADDISWORTH. That's right. I thought you'd hardly been your usual cheery self of late. (Gri- maces, unseen l>y BASCOM who is at door). Old Pilkerton wanted you did you see him? BASCOM. Yes, I saw Pilkerton. ADDISWORTH. Well, if I've gone to bed before you've quieted your crisis, good-night. BASCOM (absently). Good-night. [He goes out slowly R., thoughtful and frown- ing. ADDISWORTH (pointing to drinks). Good idea! (He goes L. fills tumbler, crosses back to fender, puts tumbler on mantelpiece and sits on fender). Not an overwhelming demand for my society! [Enter VANDEAN from garden. He comes down C. quickly and flings himself on couch in apparent irritation. ADDIS- WORTH watches him with a smile. Getting chilly outside, Van? VANDEAN. Beastly ! ADDISWORTH. Where's Ida? VANDEAN. Don't know. ADDISWORTH. Going by first train to-morrow? VANDEAN. Yes. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 75 ADDISWORTH. Do if I come by the second? VANDEAN. Second or hundred-and-second, for all I care. ADDISWORTH You're a genial friend to-night. VANDEAN. Oh, it'll last longer than to-night. ADDISWORTH. That's jolly, considering we spend most of our days together. (Pause). Any use my saying I'm sorry, Van ? VANDEAN. Not a damn of use, old boy. ADDISWORTH. Swearing won't help it. Didn't your mother teach you that? VANDEAN. No, it won't help it, but there's such a thing as doing justice to it, isn't there? [Enter HETTY from garden. She looks at ADDISWORTH,, then at VANDEAN, then ~back at ADDISWORTH enquiringly. ADDIS- WORTH assumes expression of exaggerated woe, raises hands above his head, drops them in despair, then quickly takes a drink. VANDEAN does not see her till she speaks. HETTY. Oh, then I shall go to bed! (Pause). Jack and I have defied Mr. Pilkerton. [VANDEAN turns his head towards her. ADDISWORTH, What did he say to that? HETTY. Told us he'd attend to it to-morrow. VANDEAN. Got a humour of his own, old Pil- kerton. HETTY (viciously). Quite his own. Good- night. [Turning towards door R. VANDEAN AND ADDISWORTH. Good-night. [As HETTY is about to go, IDA enters L.; look- ing round, she sees them all. VANDEAN has turned back and does not see her; he seems sunk in moody thought. 76 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. IDA (very low). Oh! [HETTY glances at her, then at VANDEAN, then at ADDISWORTH, then beckons vigorously to ADDISWORTH. ADDISWORTH. Eh? [HETTY Reckons vigorously again, then points across to door L. ADDISWORTH nods, ] rises, goes up L., passes IDA, takes her j hand a minute, goes to door L. Looks | across to HETTY at door R. They nod to one another, then go out simultaneously. \ VANDEAN rises, lounges over to fender, IDA comes down to L. just below couch. VANDEAN turns and sits, then sees IDA ] standing stiffly. He is about to speak, ~but she is too quick for him. IDA. I looked in the drawing-room then in the garden again then in the billiard-room. Now I have pursued you here. VANDEAN. I'm not running away, Miss Pilker- ton. [He rises. IDA. You have been all the evening. You wouldn't come into the garden with me you hid yourself in the billiard-room with Mr. Bascom. When at last you came out you didn't join me. I had to join you. You talked to me for ten minutes nonsense, nothings, commonplaces. Then you left me on some wretched excuse, and I have had to follow you here. VANDEAN. I really haven't meant to fail in po- liteness or IDA. Is it only a question of politeness between you and me? Our acquaintance began by your | suspecting me of something. Do you suspect me of anything now? VANDEAN. On my honour, no. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. ff IDA. Then what does it mean? (Pause). Is this very wrong, very indelicate, very unmaid- enly? Oh, Fm enough my father's daughter to care nothing about all that nonsense! If a girl friend treated me as you have, I should ask her why. I ask you why now, Mr. Vandean? VANDEAN. I should like to talk to you some other time about this matter. I'm in a difficulty now. IDA. You want time to find your reasons? VANDEAN. I can't give them now without be- traying other people's secrets. (She is about to speak. He raises his hand to stop her). That's absolutely all I can say just now. But this after- noon weren't you prepared to listen at least to listen? And if you were, wasn't it because you liked me, thought well of me, trusted me? Mayn't I draw on that liking and confidence now? (He takes a step or two towards her). Is all you've seen of me these four days worth nothing to me now? Now when I'm in need of it? IDA. Your demand for confidence is very large. (She makes as though to turn away, but turns back again). You leave us early to-morrow? VANDEAN. By the first train. IDA. This is good-bye, then? (A pause. Her tone is less hardy becoming gradually distressed and pleading) . VANDEAN. Good-bye ! IDA. Mr. Vandean! (Timidly). I can't go like that. I can't leave it like that. I could if I hadn't liked you so much and thought such great things of you. Somehow I don't know how but somehow, deep down, a long, long way down in my heart, I don't feel all I've been saying to you. VANDEAN. You love me, you trust me, Ida? ft} PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. (He is about to spring forward to her, but checks himself). No, I must remember. IDA. Remember? Ah yes, the other people's secrets ! VANDEAN. Good-night. [He bows slightly, but she holds out her hand. After a moment's pause he goes and takes it. IDA. Good-night ! [VANDEAN turns away, going up to door R. He turns as she speaks again. I trust you with all my heart. Good-night. [As VANDEAN stands with hand on door handle, IDA looking at him with a smile, the CURTAIN FALLS. ACT IV. SCENE : Same as in Act I. Time the next day. Monday about noon. [ADDISWORTH is at his desk R., opening his morning letters. JENKINS is putting papers in order on VANDEAN'S desk L. ADDISWORTH. What the deuce are you fussing about there for, Jenkins? JENKINS. Fm doing my duty as your lordship does yours hoccasionally. ADDISWORTH. Oh, all right. I'm a bit cheap this morning. Early trains are beastly. JENKINS. Fm always glad, my lord, when we've disposed of these Honours. They gets on every- body's nerves. The Chiefs dreadful short this morning, and Mr. Vandean he's not fit company for a Christian man. But if he can find any fault with that desk now (surveying it proudly) I'm willing to apply for the 'Undreds. (Coming to C.). Can I do anything for you, my lord? ADDISWORTH. No. Oh, yes! If two ladies come, show them into my room, will you? JENKINS. Ladies again, my lord? ADDISWORTH. Look here are you my governor, Jenkins? JENKINS. I certainly am not His Grace, my lord, but I remember him when he was no more than ADDISWORTH. Well, remember the ladies too. Good morning, Jenkins. 79 80 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. JENKINS (stiffly). Good morning. No offence, I hope, my lord? [He goes out back. ADDISWORTH yawns and digs his knuckles into his eyes. VANDEAN enters R., plumps down into his chair and begins to read papers. ADDISWORTH (taking out watch). Late again, Vandean ! VANDEAN (surly). Oh, are you there? This desk's (searching about it) chaos. Confound that Jenkins ! ADDISWORTH. Yes came up by the 9.30. Rest of them coming by next train. VANDEAN. What for? ADDISWORTH. Don't know. Pilkerton suddenly gave marching orders. (Rises and comes C.). Settled the Honours up with the Chief? VANDEAN. Pretty well, thank Heaven. ADDISWORTH. What about my C.B.? I've had the devil of a wigging from the governor this morning, and it would be a rare slap in the eye for him! VANDEAN. The object of the Order of the Bath is not to administer slaps in the eye ADDISWORTH. Oh, right you are, but I shall have a go at the Chief myself. You won't queer it, will you? VANDEAN. I shall have nothing whatever to do with it one way or the other. ADDISWORTH. Oh, yes, you will, you're such a j good chap really, only you've turned so awfully scrupulous. [VANDEAN mutters savagely "but inaudibly. Eh, what? Oh, I thought you spoke. (Goes up to VANDEAN'S desk and leans over top). Any show for Pilkerton ? PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 81 VANDEAN (savagely). No, there's no show for Pilkerton. [A handbell rings off R. What the deuce does the Chief want now? [Pushes papers aside and prepares to rise. ADDISWORTH (going L.). Well, be gentle with him he's old, and the cares of state [Door R. opens. Hullo, here he is, by Jove ! [Exit hastily L. Enter MANGAN. He crosses to C., VANDEAN rising. VANDEAN. I was just coming to you, sir. MANGAN. Ah, I wasn't sure you were here. I wanted to ask you if we'd decided rightly about Scudamore. VANDEAN (coming R.O.). Certainly, sir. He hasn't (he puts his hand in his breeches pocket) put his hand MANGAN. To the plough to the plough, Lucius, with adequate er zeal. He must wait. By the way, we haven't done anything for literature. Something for literature is rather popular. VANDEAN (deprecatingly) . It doesn't do to teach 'em to expect it, sir. MANGAN. No, no; but now and then. If you can think of anybody who wouldn't excite general disapproval in literary circles VANDEAN. I'll look about, sir. I meet some literary fellows at one of my clubs. MANGAN. Nobody risky. Books quite quite, you know! It isn't as if we'd only London so- ciety to consider. VANDEAN. I'll be careful, sir. MANGAN. And above all, Lucius, a respectable man in private life, if you can find one. VANDEAN. I'll try for a churchwarden. MANGAN. Ah, that's overdoing it. Not quite so distinctively religious, please. 6 82 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. VANDEAN. Don't you worry, sir. Leave it to me I'll find you a safe man. MANGAN. Good. (Sits L.C.) Then that's done. But I confess to one doubt. Have we ar- rived at a right decision about Pilkerton? You told me quite properly that you had some ac- quaintance with the man, but I know I can rely on you for an entirely unbiassed opinion. VANDEAN. You ask my honest opinion, sir. At all costs if necessary at the cost of Miss of Mr. Pilkerton's friendship I must give it. Pilkerton, no more than Scudamore, has put his hand MANGAN. To the plough? He has not. There- fore he is not within the scope of our er rules and traditions. VANDEAN (sighing). Unfortunately he is not. MANGAN. So much that's to say nothing then for Pilkerton! VANDEAN. No, nothing for Pilkerton. MANGAN (rising). It's a comfort to have it off one's mind (going up to door 'back). I'm going round to the Foreign Office. Send for me if I'm wanted. VANDEAN. Very well, sir. [MANGAN exits "back. (Returning to his desk). So much for Pil- kerton and, I suppose, so much for me! [He is about to sit at desk, when IDA enters L. You here, Miss Pilkerton ? IDA. Yes, I I heard your voice, and so I came in. VANDEAN (coming R.C.). But what brings you here? IDA. I don't know. Hetty told me to meet her here. She said it was most important we should see you. Oh, what is happening? (She comes to .). Papa's so disagreeable to all of us, but in such high spirits, and Tie's coming here too, pres- ently. Do you know what it all means? PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 83 VANDEAN (coming to her). Never mind what it means. Have you forgiven me for last night? IDA. You know what I told you; I said I trusted you. VANDEAN. Yes, I know it was splendid of you. But that's not quite satisfactory as a perma- nent arrangement not to either of us. Ida, I can tell you I love you now. (He takes her hand, puts other arm round her waist, and draws her to him). Do you think you can love me? IDA. Yes, I think I can. Because I (glancing at his arm) thought I should never like this and now somehow I do. VANDEAN. My darling! (He is about to kiss her). IDA (checking him). But you did make me rather unhappy last night. Why, Lucius? VANDEAN. I was on parole. I had promised your father not to make love to you last night while I was in his house. IDA. Ah, you were on your honour! I'm so glad I trusted you. I was just a little afraid you meant there was someone else. VANDEAN. There could be nobody else. IDA. How nice you are, Lucius. But why did papa oh, he won't forbid it, will he? VANDEAN. At least you know I have been hon- est with you now. IDA. Oh yes, but tell me doesn't papa like you ? He's always spoken so highly of you. VANDEAN (releasing her). The fact is, Mr. Pil- kerton asked me to do something I couldn't do. When I refused he said that our acquaintance must not continue. IDA. Not continue? He meant ? VANDEAN. He meant that I mustn't love you or hope to win you, Ida. IDA. But you do love me? 84 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. VANDEAN. Yes. IDA. Then you'd do what he asked for me? VANDEAN. You wouldn't say so if you knew what it was. IDA (reproachfully). Is there anything you wouldn't do for my love? VANDEAN. I can't have you thinking that. I must tell you, Ida. There's been some talk of your father being made a peer. IDA. Papa a peer ! Oh, how lovely ! VANDEAN. And he asked me to use my influence with my Chief to help him in the matter. IDA. Yes, yes, you could, of course! And you're in love with me, so it's quite natural. How beautifully it all works out, Lucius! VANDEAN. I don't think you quite understand. Mr. Pilkerton asked me, as the price of my being allowed to pay my addresses to you, to use my influence my private influence with my Chief on his behalf. IDA. Well, dear Lucius, on whose behalf could you better use it? VANDEAN. To get him a distinction to which on public grounds he has no sufficient IDA. Oh, I know nothing about that VANDEAN. Dearest, I have to consider IDA. I really think you might have done a little thing like that for dear papa, and for me. VANDEAN. Do you remember what you said at teatime, yesterday? You were aghast at the idea of interest having any weight. Merit was the only claim you allowed. IDA. And hasn't papa got merit? Do you dare to say that? VANDEAN. You were scandalised to hear that people asked for honours. You went so far as to term that cadging. IDA. Yes, I did. The wretches do cadge and PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 85 nobody will say a word for men of real distinction like papa. VANDEAN. But my point is, dearest IDA. No! Oh, I'd have forgiven you anything dreadful. I don't mind dreadful things so much. But this is, oh, so mean! VANDEAN. Mean ? IDA. Yes, not to think my love worth one little word to Mr. Mangan. VANDEAN. But it wouldn't have been honest. IDA. Honest ! Oh, I don't think you're much in love. [VANDEAN is about to come to Tier. No, don't come near me, please. (She moves down to L., leaving him C.). [HETTY enters L. Oh, Hetty, what do you think? HETTY. Has Lucius told you? IDA. Yes, he's told me. I could never have be- lieved it. He won't do anything for papa! Do you call that love, Hetty? HETTY. No, and I don't call it friendship either. Why, Lucius, you know my happiness and Jack's IDA. And my happiness and HETTY. Are at stake and unless we can do this for Pilkerton VANDEAN. Ladies, ladies I must beg you to consider the public interest my public honour. HETTY. What's that compared to friendship? IDA. Or to love? VANDEAN. The confidence the Chief has in me HETTY. Oh, if you prefer that to my friend- ship! IDA. And to my love ! VANDEAN. My duty is to give him an honest opinion. HETTY (coming to him). You will do it for us, Lucius? [Lays her hand on his arm. 86 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. IDA (coming to Mm). At least, you'll do it for me, Lucius? [Lays her hand on his arm. VANDEAN. The public service! HETTY. Oh, bother the public service! IDA. Imagine thinking of it now, when such important things are at stake! VANDEAN (vehemently). I answer no! [They withdraw their hands and turn away, IDA to R., HETTY to L. ., leaving him C. Both take out their handkerchiefs and dab their eyes. VANDEAN looks despair- ingly from one to the other. A short pause. JACK puts his head in at door L. JACK (gloomily). Hullo! VANDEAN (savagely). Hullo! [JACK comes slowly in and stands down L. JACK. This is a pretty go, isn't it? VANDEAN. Yes, it is. HETTY (half sobbing). Yes, it is. IDA (half sobbing). Yes, it is. JACK. I mean about Bascom, you know. IDA AND HETTY. Mr. Bascom? VANDEAN. What's Bascom got to do with it, I should like to know. JACK. The old man's made him manager at Wrensford after all. VANDEAN. Well, I'm glad somebody's having a bit of luck. JACK. So he's resigned his seat, you know. VANDEAN (starting). What? Resigned his Bascom's resigned his ? JACK. That's the old man's game I saw it di- rectly. VANDEAN. Heavens, does he mean to stand? JACK. Well, that depends on the peerage, j doesn't it? VANDEAN. Good Lord ! If he doesn't get it j liti ' PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 8T JACK. He'll stand against you, and there are 1,500 men in our works, Vandean. VANDEAN. Well, of all the scandalous ! IDA. Oh, it's all your fault, Mr. Vandean. If you'd if you'd behaved properly, it need never have happened. HETTY. Now Mr. Pilkerton'll get his peerage VANDEAN. Get his peerage? JACK. Well, he's got you on toast now, hasn't he? HETTY. Yes, he'll get it, and no thanks to any of us, he'll say, won't he, Jack? JACK. Just what the old man will say. IDA. There, Mr. Vandean, see what you've brought us to now with your your HETTY. Your nonsense about public honour, Lucius. IDA. If you'd got it for him, he'd have been grateful, and HETTY. We could have been happy. Oh, I hate you, Lucius! JACK. You have made a bit of a fool of your- self, Vandean. VANDEAN. Oh, go on, go on. This is the reward an honourable public servant gets! (Darts down to desk l)y IDA). Excuse me. IDA. Don't come here, please. VANDEAN. I must. I want " Dod." (Finds "Dod" on desk). What's Bascom's majority. (Searches) . 193 ! Good Lord ! And 1,500 men in your works and Patagonia in the devil of a mess ! (He looks round despairingly). We can't afford to lose the seat ! JACK. The old man's a holy terror, isn't he? VANDEAN. Yes, he is. (Crosses quickly down to door L. and opens it). Addisworth! ADDISWORTH (off L.). Hullo! VANDEAN. Run round to the Foreign Office and tell the Chief I want him. 88 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. ADDISWORTH (off). He ain't the butler, you know. VANDEAN. Oh, confound it, you know! Say critical business has arisen beg him to come. And send a messenger to Bascom, and tell him to come here directly. ADDISWORTH. Right you are! [VANDEAN closes door and returns to C. VANDEAN (stiffly). Excuse me if I seem dis- courteous, but I should not wish the Prime Min- ister to find this pleasant little party here. HETTY. Oh, we may as well go! It's all over now. (Going down to JACK). Come along, Jack dear. I daresay we shall never have a chance of being together again. JACK. The old man is a terror. IDA. I'm going to stay and see it through. HETTY. Oh, very well. We'll wait in Harry Addisworth's room, then. But there's really no hope, you know. Come along, Jack. [HETTY goes off L., followed ~by JACK, leaving door ajar. IDA comes to C., as though to follow them. VANDEAN comes down a little and intercepts her. VANDEAN. Why have you been so hard to me? IDA. I don't know well, I I suppose because I wanted to be something else. VANDEAN. You did, Ida? Well then? IDA. Oh, but what's the use, now? Papa'll get it in spite of you and [She makes a gesture of despair. VANDEAN. But if he got in through me after all? IDA. What, you would do it? VANDEAN. I mean, if he thought he did ? IDA. What? PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 89 VANDEAN. Hush, I hear steps ! Quick ! [Taking her down L. IDA. Do try somehow for my sake, Lucius! [She gives him her hand, then goes off L. hastily. VANDEAN (coming back to L.). It's all very well to say try, but (He comes to L. 'by desk and turns as door hack opens and ADDISWORTH enters. He looks radiant). Well? ADDISWORTH (coming to (7.). All right, I found the Chief, and I got Bascom on the telephone. They'll both be here directly. (Down to L.C.). I say, isn't this gorgeous? VANDEAN. Gorgeous ? ADDISWORTH. Old Pilkerton's a nailer on my word he is. He's stuck you up this time no error. VANDEAN. Your attitude is scarcely sympa- thetic, if I may make the remark, Addisworth. ADDISWORTH. Well, you see, old chap, it suits my book to a T. A bye-election in the Wrensford Division is just what I want. VANDEAN. What you want? ADDISWORTH. Yes. My governor's got land there our place is just on the borders, you know, and land means tenants and tenants mean votes we all know all about that, eh, Van? My chance of the C.B. looks a bit rosier, I fancy. VANDEAN. Of all the beastly selfishness ! ADDISWORTH. Oh, rot ! I say, you won't queer it, will you? VANDEAN. I shall have nothing to do with it. ADDISWORTH. Oh, yes, you will. You see, if the governor (Door opens hack). Gad, the Chief! [Skips to his desk, sits and writes hard. Enter MANGAN at hack and comes down C. 90 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. MANGAN (very flustered). What's this I hear, Lucius? What's this about Bascom? VANDEAN. It's true, sir; he's going to resign. It's disgustingly inconsiderate. MANGAN. Your language is too mild much too mild. It's rank treason. A bye-election with a majority of eleven and this infern er unfortu- nate Patagonian affair just at a crisis! What was the majority last time? VANDEAN. A hundred-and-ninety-three, sir. MANGAN. At the present time, Lucius, not enough. And a defeat would not only be most embarrassing to us, but it would be highly injuri- ous to the course of our diplomacy in Patagonia. VANDEAN. Our man will say that at the elec- tion, for what it's worth, of course, but I'm afraid it won't have much influence with Bascom. MANGAN. It's atrocious! (Comes down L.C.). Ah, you're there, Addisworth. Hard at work, as usual ? ADDISWORTH. Awful stress just now, sir. But I tackle it, I tackle it. MANGAN. I was like you in my youth. ADDISWORTH. I'm very proud to hear that, sir. VANDEAN. The fact is this is Pilkerton's do- ing. MANGAN. What? Is it possible ? VANDEAN. He's induced Bascom to resign. He's got big works in the division he means to stand against us himself unless we MANGAN. It's an unscrupulous plot. Addis- worth, you see what comes of allowing personal interests to affect political action. Take warning by it. ADDISWORTH. Yes, I will, sir. [He is writing hard and answers without looking up. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 91 VANDEAN. But what are we to do about it, sir? I've sent for Bascom. MANGAN. Quite right. I had I say I had a great respect for Mr. Bascom. I was prepared it has long been in my mind I don't know whether I ever mentioned it to you, Lucius to seek some means of marking my high opinion of his abilities. VANDEAN. Yes, yes, sir certainly. If you didn't actually mention it MANGAN. At any rate, I made a note of it in my own mind. VANDEAN. Yes, I remember you doing that, sir. MANGAN. And even now, if Bascom [Enter JENKINS at 'bade, MANGAN turns. JENKINS. Mr. Bascom to see Mr. Vandean. MANGAN. Show him up immediately, Jenkins. [Exit JENKINS. ADDISWORTH rises. No, no, don't move, Addisworth. There's nothing you shouldn't hear. ADDISWORTH. Thank you, sir. I'm particularly interested, of course, because my father owns a lot of land in the division. MANGAN. Eh ? ADDISWORTH. I should think he's got as much influence there as anybody, except Mr. Pilkerton. MANGAN (glancing at VANDEAN slowly). Oh, has he? I heard he wasn't very pleased with us about Patagonia? ADDISWORTH. Well, I can't altogether deny that, sir, but I'm going to send him the exposition of policy you were kind enough to give me I've got it all down in my diary and I hope, I really hope, I may be able to induce him to re-consider his decision. MANGAN. His decision? ADDISWORTH. He was saying he couldn't sup- 92 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. port the Government if an election were to hap- pen now, but [JENKINS enters lack. JENKINS Mr. Bascom. [Exit JENKINS. Enter BASCOM, who stands up back, looking embarrassed. MANGAN at once goes up to him with great cordi- ality. MANGAN. My dear Mr. Bascom, I'm delighted delighted to see you. (Puts his arm through his and "brings him down to C. Puts BASCOM into chair C. ADDISWORTH puts a chair for MANGAN. MANGAN and BASCOM sit. ADDISWORTH is at desk R., VANDEAN L.). Now what is this I hear? We could hardly believe it, could we, Lucius? VANDEAN. We refused to credit it, sir. MANGAN. Such a premature ending to such a career ! BASCOM. I'm very sorry, sir, but MANGAN. Only the other day I was saying to Lucius you remember, Lucius? VANDEAN. Oh yes, sir. MANGAN. That Bascom might look forward to anything. I was promising myself an opportunity an early indeed an immediate opportunity of marking my appreciation of your abilities and your promise. Talents like yours combined with such geniality of manner (ADDISWORTH giggles, they all look. He coughs and scribbles hurriedly again) such geniality of manner were bound to carry you far. Many even less gifted have attained (he glances at VANDEAN who nods approvingly) the honour of knighthood (pause BASCOM shakes his head gloomily) or even the er (MANGAN looks at VANDEAN again, VANDEAN nods again) the er Gabriel and Joseph (pause, BASCOM shakes his head sadly) or even PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 93 yes, even the (glances at VANDEAN who. nods again) yes, even the Bath at an early age. (Re- leases BASCOM'S arm). Yes, even the C.B. (BAS- COM shakes his head) I mean yes, the K.C.B. [ADDISWORTH looks up, grins and listens again. BASCOM. You're uncommonly good, sir, but I can't refuse 1,500 a year. Every man for him- self, sir. MANGAN. No, no, Bascom, no, no, every man for the country, Bascom ! The prospects I nave er indicated BASCOM. My prospect was the Bankruptcy Court, Mr. Mangan. MANGAN. Oh, tut, tut, you could tide over eh, Lucius? VANDEAN. Till the General Election, sir. Of course he could. MANGAN. And then perhaps we might find something er that is to say we might utilize your services in in VANDEAN. In some public employment carrying emolument. MANGAN. Quite so, Lucius, quite so. Substan- tial emolument. Think of that, Bascom. BASCOM. I want to get married MANGAN. Well, well, the ladies never object to to a title, do they? BASCOM. They like an income still better. VANDEAN. But both, Bascom, my boy ! ( Going to BASCOM). BASCOM. Not for two years, though. [BASCOM rises. MANGAN rises and takes BAS- COM'S arm. ADDISWORTH puts chair l)ack. MANGAN. Come, come, think over it. Give am- bition its due, patriotism its weight friendship our friendship ah, I see you waver! 94: PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. BASCOM. I acknowledge I feel the generosity the kind appreciation MANGAN. Not a word beyond what I feel not a word, Bascom. BASCOM. And I should be inclined to yield to your representations, but my word is pledged to Mr. Pilkerton. Besides, 1,500 a year [Enter JENKINS 'back with a telegram on a salver. He comes down L., and gives it to VANDEAN, then goes up and off again. VANDEAN tears open telegram. VANDEAN (reading). Shall call 12.30 Pilker- ton. MANGAN. Pilkerton ! ADDISWORTH (in whisper). Pilkerton! BASCOM (frightened) . Pilkerton Pilkerton coming here! (Looking at watch). In ten min- utes ! I I can't meet him here. [Turns and makes for door. MANGAN darts after BASCOM, catching his coat tails. MANGAN. Mr. Bascom, pray, pray! BASCOM (pulling away) No, no, I daren't meet Mr. Pilkerton. He'd think I must really go. It's 1,500 a year! [ADDISWORTH rises and watches the struggle with amusment. MANGAN. But the K.C.B. ! VANDEAN. And the post carrying emolument! BASCOM. 1,500 a year! [He breaks away from MANGAN and hurries up back; he gets half-way out. MANGAN. Heavens, you might rise to BASCOM (putting his head in again). I may rise to 5,000 a year ! [Exit. MANGAN raises his hands and drops them in despair, sinking then into chair R.C. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 95 VANDEAN (grimly}. Now for Pilkerton! ADDISWORTH. And a bye-election at Wrensford ! MANGAN. Eh? (ADDISWORTH sits and writes again. MANGAN rises slowly). A bye-election in the Wrensford division! (He comes to R.C.). er Addisworth you won't forget to send that ex- position of policy to the Duke? [VANDEAN goes and sits L. and busies himself with papers. ADDISWORTH (rising and coming to MANGAN). I won't, sir. I had a letter from my father this morning, sir. He asked specially after your health a life so valuable to the Empire, he expressed it. MANGAN. Very kind of the Duke. I hope he's well? ADDISWORTH. First chop first class, I mean. He said it would be the greatest pleasure of his life to know I was giving you satisfaction, sir. MANGAN. You may certainly tell him that, Addisworth. ADDISWORTH. And that any mark of approval (VANDEAN looks up and across, smiles sardonically and returns to his papers) you showed me he should consider as shown to himself only a great deal more so. He's so fond of me, dear old father ! MANGAN. You don't think he's er irrecon- cilable about Patagonia? ADDISWORTH. I think he must be convinced by what you say, sir. \ . MANGAN. Add your own arguments, too. ADDISWORTH. Well, he has begun to listen to me a little since he knew you were so good as to think well of me. MANGAN. Of course, this er bye-election gives er an immediate interest to his er views eh, Lucius? (Turns to VANDEAN). VANDEAN. Yes, sir. 96 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. ADDISWORTH. I think I can bring him round all right, sir. MANGAN. I'm much obliged to you, Addis- worth, genuinely obliged to you. Lucius, a word with you. (He goes to L.C. VANDEAN joins him) . We needn't keep you from ^our work, Addisworth. [ADDISWORTH returns to desk and sits. MAN- CAN and VANDEAN talk in whispers. ADDISWORTH gradually rises to listen, till he rests his hands on top of desk and leans over, eyes wide open, trying hard to hear. MANGAN and VANDEAN talk for a little without any words toeing audible. Then they half whisper. VANDEAN. Duke has a lot of influence locally, of course. MANGAN. And a crotchetty beggar very crotchetty ! VANDEAN. Nasty about the Garter, sir, that's the truth. He'd be glad to give us a dig. MANGAN. Yes, yes. (Whispers again) . Cheap, if it? VANDEAN. If it squared him, yes. MANGAN. And he's a nice boy. VANDEAN. Well, why not, sir? MANGAN. After all, it's neither here nor there, is it? Not when there's a chance of saving a seat. VANDEAN. Oh no, it really isn't. MANGAN. Then I think we will. [VANDEAN turns back and sits again. ADDIS- WORTH sinks hastily into his chair and writes hard. MANGAN comes C. Addisworth ! [ADDISWORTH writes hard. MANGAN raises his voice. Addisworth ! PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 97 ADDISWORTH (jumping up). I beg your pardon, sir. I was so engrossed in my work. Do you want me? MANGAN. It has been in my mind for a long while for a very long while and indeed I've spoken to Lucius about it to give you some mark of my satisfaction with your services. (Puts his hand on ADDISWORTH'S shoulder.) Devotion to public service in young men of your position must not go unrewarded and it will be an additional pleasure to me to think that I am gladdening a father's heart. I shall have unfeigned pleasure in recommending you for the Companionship of the Bath. ADDISWORTH. Oh, sir, you you positively over- whelm me. Such a reward for my poor services such a mark of your esteem! I I don't know what to say. I never thought of such a thing, sir, never in my wildest dreams ! MANGAN. Not another word, my dear boy. Your modesty is very graceful, very graceful. Now I won't keep you ; you'll want to write to the Duke. Don't forget to give him my cordial good wishes, and my congratulations on the distinction you have so deservedly achieved. (Shakes hands with ADDISWORTH). ADDISWORTH. I won't lose a moment, sir and from the bottom of my heart I thank you. [MANGAN turns aside for a moment to "blow his nose. ADDISWORTH seizes the oppor- tunity to make a grimace at VANDEAN and dance a step; as MANGAN turns back he recovers himself and goes off decor- ously L. VANDEAN has been smiling grimly through this. MANGAN. That ought to make the Duke all right, eh, Lucius? 7 98 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. VANDEAN. I think so, sir. But now for Pilker- ton! MANGAN. I think I'd better see Pilkerton. VANDEAN. Would you mind leaving him to me at first, anyhow, sir? MANGAN. Perhaps that will be better. If I saw him directly we should VANDEAN. Rather give ourselves away. MANGAN. But I'll put off going to the House and wait in my room. (Goes up to door R.) VANDEAN. If he asks about the er peerage, sir? MANGAN. About the peerage? Oh! Ah! Yes. Well now let's see. If he asks about the peerage, you must say that we never give any information one way or the other one way or the other, Lucius until the list in its entirety has received the requisite approval. VANDEAN (smiling). I'm to tell him that, sir? MANGAN. Yes, yes, I think so, Lucius. VANDEAN. Oh, if you think proper, sir. MANGAN. Come and see me when he's gone. (He opens door). VANDEAN. Excuse me, sir, but if it seemed ad- visable that he should see you ? MANGAN. Oh, I'll see him. It's no moment to stand on trifles. You'll make a great favour of it, of course. VANDEAN. You may trust me for that. [MANGAN nods and goes off R. VANDEAN takes up Dod and glances at it. IDA puts her head out L. Ida! IDA. Oh, is there any hope for us? (She comes just inside). VANDEAN (going tQ her). I (Jon't know. It's pretty desperate. PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 99 IDA. Hush! Somebody's coming! Oh, do try something, Lucius, for my sake, try ! [She goes out hastily, closing door. VANDEAN. By Jove, I'll try. [He turns as door at "back opens, and JENKINS enters. JENKINS. Mr. Pilkerton to see you, sir. VANDEAN. I'll ring when I'm ready. [Exit JENKINS. (At telephone L.). Addisworth are you there? Addisworth, I want you to ring me up in about two minutes don't fail you un- derstand eh, who are you to be Mansion House ! eh? Yes, bluff! (Puts down receiver). [Rings bell pause then enter JENKINS fol- lowed ~by PILKERTON. JENKINS. Mr. Pilkerton, sir! [Exit JENKINS. PILKERTON. Good morning! [VANDEAN bows and crosses to R.C., indicat- ing chair L.C. PILKERTON comes down, puts hat and umbrella on top of desk L., seats himself and pulls off his gloves. PILKERTON. My visit, Mr. Vandean, is purely on business. VANDEAN. After last night, so I should pre- sume. PILKERTON. You have no doubt heard of the step our friend Bascom has taken? I found myself able to offer him a good berth in my busi- ness. VANDEAN. Very kind of you, Mr. Pilkerton. (Sits at ADDISWORTH'S desk). PILKERTON. But of course it was out of the 100 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. question that he should continue in Parliament. You can see that for yourself. VANDEAN (shrugging his shoulders). Purely a question for you and for him. (Seals a letter). PILKERTON. I can speak to you plainly? VANDEAN. Really I must leave to you the re- sponsibility for the mode of speech you think fit to adopt. PILKERTON. The vacancy at Wrensford has created a peculiar situation. VANDEAN. Hardly that, surely? Bye-elections are not uncommon incidents (Addresses envel- ope). PILKERTON. For me, I mean. Mr. Vandean, are you able to give me any information about my er prospects? If you could it would make my path clear. VANDEAN (very gravely). I'm afraid not. (Telephone rings). Excuse me! (Crosses L. to desk and takes up receiver). Who's that? Eh oh ! oh ! the Mansion House? No question finally settled can't bring it before the Prime Minister again. (Puts down receiver) . We never give any information one way or the other one way or the other, Mr. Pilkerton until the list in its entirety has received the requisite approval. PILKERTON. But the bye-election will be de- cided before then? VANDEAN (carelessly). Oh, yes! (Telephone rings frantically). What, Addisworth? stop, you young fool ! (Puts it down). PILKERTON. Mr. Vandean, if I can't be in one house of the Legislature, I mean to be in the other. VANDEAN. Very laudable. PILKERTON. Bascom's majority was you know what. VANDEAN. Bascom's majority? Oh, we'll have a look in Dod. Why, where is Dod ? I know I've PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 101 seen it in the last day or two (rummaging about his desk, incidentally shoving Dod under papers) . PILKERTON. Let me save you the trouble. It was 193. Since that date I have established large works in the division. I employ 1,500 men. 1,345 of them have now been put on the register and are entitled to vote. VANDEAN. Very creditable to keep your em- ployed long enough for 'em to get on the register. PILKERTON. It's not unnatural to suppose that they would give a preference to their employer. VANDEAN (apparently surprised). What! You think of standing yourself? PILKERTON. Yes, and I could undoubtedly se- cure my adoption as candidate. VANDEAN. I'm sure the Chief would be de- lighted to welcome you to our ranks. I presume that is what you have come to suggest? PILKERTON (smiling). One moment ; in view of the Patagonian imbroglio, I couldn't conscienti- ously stand as a supporter of the Ministry. VANDEAN. You would stand for the Opposition ? Well, then excuse me aren't you calling at the wrong address? PILKERTON. Wait a bit. I have my convictions, but I'm not such an ardent politician as to let my views come before the natural affections. If from any cause from any cause whatever I should be unable to stand, I should not thwart Jack's desire to be in Parliament. Indeed I should give him my energetic support. Now Jack is a convinced Ministerialist. VANDEAN. Oh, Jack's a Ministerialist? I see! Patagonia hasn't shaken Jack? PILKERTON. No. Jack's firm as a rock. VANDEAN. But what of the 1,345, Mr. Pilker- ton? PILKERTON. My employes are much attached to 102 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. the family. In short, either I stand against you with the 1,345 or Jack stands for you with the 1,345. And either of us could carry the seat. VANDEAN. I see. (He walks across to R.C., turns and faces PILKERTON who turns towards him). What does all this lead up to, Mr. Pilker- ton? PILKERTON. I think you see that, really. What about my peerage? (Slight pause). VANDEAN. Am I to understand that you have devised this position ? PILKERTON. You must form your own opinion as to that. (Rises and comes down to R.) You can't afford to lose the seat. Come, can't I have a little information now? VANDEAN. And you use this position as a lever? PILKERTON (leaning against "back of desk R. and folding his arms). In point of fact now aren't you in a corner? (Pause. PILKERTON leans on desk and smiles triumphantly). VANDEAN. I'm not inclined to be hard on you, Mr. Pilkerton. PILKERTON (leaning a little forward). What? VANDEAN. It's perhaps not unnatural how- ever regrettable it may be that you should look at every thing from a a commercial point of view. You are necessarily ignorant of the spirit and the traditions that regulate these affairs. But it's my duty to tell you, Mr. Pilkerton, that the bestowal of honours is not a matter of bargain and sale. If I were to go to my Chief to the Prime Minister and repeat what you have said if I were to lay before him this barefaced attempt at blackmail PILKERTON. Mr. Vandean ! VANDEAN. Yes, blackmail I think he'd posi- tively kick me out of the room. And as for you, well, you must see that you've destroyed your last PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 103 chance! There's nothing the Chief resents so much as any appearance of pressure. PILKERTON. But Addisworth told me I must have something to offer. VANDEAN. Are you guided by a boy of twenty- three in your own business? Keally, I can only vish you (he bows stiffly) good morning, Mr. Pilkerton. PILKERTON. You mean that? VANDEAN. Absolutely. You must stand for Wrensford yourself. Good morning. I'll ring the bell for you. (Going up to "back where there is a bell by door). PILKERTON (stepping forward). Stop! [VANDEAN stops. They face one another. I don't understand your attitude. I don't know whether to believe in it. VANDEAN. I am about to ring that bell. PILKERTON. No. I must beg you to refer to the Prime Minister. VANDEAN. I decline to refer to him. PILKERTON. I wish to see the Prime Minister. VANDEAN. With such a proposal as yours ! Ut- terly out of the question. PILKERTON. I shall send in my name by the servant. VANDEAN. In this room the servants take my orders, Mr. Pilkerton. PILKERTON. Is the list of Honours settled to- day? VANDEAN. So much I may tell you. As far as we are concerned, it is settled to-day. [A pause. PILKERTON walks restlessly up to window and back again to R.O. VAN- DEAN stands quite still L.C., his eyes fol- lowing PILKERTON and watching him keenly not sure whether he has beaten him yet. 104 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. PILKERTON. I suppose I've no right to ask ad- vice of you after last night. (He is sulky but humbled). VANDEAN. I don't desire to refer to last night but, if you ask me, I think your behavior was well, really, I can't characterise it in civil terms, PILKERTON. Towards you? VANDEAN. Oh, towards everybody towards me> towards your daughter, towards our friend Ladj Hetty. And why? PILKERTON. Never mind why. But if I get what I want, I give other people what they want, Vandean. VANDEAN. Are you bargaining still? (Pause). PILKERTON (slowly). No, I'm not bargaining. I'm beaten. I'm not at home in this sort of busi- ness. What ought I to have done? VANDEAN. Given the vacancy at Wrensford we won't discuss how it occurred your course, your only course, was to ask an interview with the Prime Minister to express to him your very deep regret that conscientious scruples a temporary divergence of opinion prevented you from offer- ing at the moment the personal support and serv- ice which it had always been your great ambition to give. And you would add that it would afford you extreme gratification if another member of your family were selected to uphold the banner; and you would pledge yourself to give to that member of your family your strenuous, whole- hearted, unreserved support. If you had followed that course, Mr. Mangan might have seen you, he might have listened, he might have But of course I don't know anything for certain. [A pause. PILKERTON. Vandean, will you get me that in- terview now? VANDEAN. Too late! PILKERTON. Where is the Prime Minister? PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 105 VANDEAN (pointing to door R.). Oh, he's in his room there, but I really couldn't venture to dis- turb him. PILKERTON. You could manage it for me, if you liked. VANDEAN. It would strain my influence to breaking point. And if I told him of your original proposal ! PILKERTON. I withdraw that. Get me the in- terview. VANDEAN. I can't. PILKERTON. Have a try for it. Come, you un* derstand me. Have a try. VANDEAN. Frankly, if I try, it won't be for your sake. PILKERTON. It would be for ? VANDEAN. Your daughter's. [A pause. PILKERTON (slowly). I understand you. And I keep my word. Try for me. VANDEAN. Wait here. [He goes to door R., knocks and goes in, care- fully closing door. A minute passes, dur- ing which PILKERTON paces restlessly about the stage, up to window, down to L. again, etc., restlessly moving his arms, muttering indistinctly, giving a picture of a man in extreme suspense and anxi- ety. During this, door L. is opened a lit- tle way, ADDISWORTH looks in unseen by PILKERTON, grins, and disappears. Door R. opens again, PILKERTON being then L.C., and VANDEAN enters, closing door. PILKERTON (eagerly). Well? VANDEAN (gravely). The Prime Minister will see you. [PILKERTON darts impetuously to R., VAN- DEAN closing door. 106 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. For ten minutes. Don't exceed your time. (Half opens door). And for heaven 's sake avoid any appearance of pressure. PILKERTON (whispering). I understand. VANDEAN (whispering). It all depends on how you put it. (Opens door and calls off). Mr. Pil- kerton, sir! [PILKERTON goes off R. VANDEAN closes door, then suddenly claps his hands gently, and dances a step or two. Just had time to tip the Chief the wink ! Neat of old Pilkerton, but a trifle neater of yours truly, eh? Now I think I'll have a little talk with Ida. [He goes to door L., opens it a couple of. inches, and calls in an important whisper. Miss Pilkerton! ADDISWORTH (speaking off). Mayn't we all come? VANDEAN. I said Miss Pilkerton. (He goes back to R.C. Enter IDA, closing door behind her) . Hush! IDA. Oh, what's happening? VANDEAN. Your father's in there with the Prime Minister. [Points R. IDA advances to L.C. IDA. And will he get it? VANDEAN. I don't know; it depends on himself now. IDA. Now? But didn't his plan about Wrens- ford and Mr. Bascom ? VANDEAN. That had just ruined him. IDA. We all thought it so clever! VANDEAN. Excuse me, but that's your ignor- ance. However (carelessly) I stepped in. I prevailed on the Chief to see Mr. Pilkerton and give him another chance. If he follows my advice PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. now, all may yet be well. If not well, I can do no more. IDA. And if he gets the peerage, we shall owe it all to you ! VANDEAN. I don't attempt to deceive you, Miss Pilkerton. You will. You see, there are better things than cleverness. IDA. Indeed there are. There are all the things that you are; so good, so honourable, so straight- forward, so simple ! How I yes, I must say it how I admire you! VANDEAN. You didn't seem to admire me so much just now. You called me mean. IDA. But I didn't understand. I thought you were refusing to help papa. VANDEAN. So I was. IDA. Oh, but only because because he didn't ask in the right way. And (She comes a step nearer to him) you've helped him now. Why? VANDEAN. A man has his memories. No un- kindness, no hard words, can entirely obliterate them. (He looks at his watch). Mr. Pilkerton has only five minutes more. IDA. I I want to to ask you to forgive me. VANDEAN. I will try to forget what you said. IDA. Forget! I forgave you even when I thought you'd only flirted with me and were in love with somebody else. VANDEAN (touched). Why why, so you did! I'd forgotten that. You did forgive me though you thought that. You said you trusted me with all your heart. IDA. Yes, in spite of everything I trusted you. And I was only angry because you wouldn't help papa for my sake. I didn't think of honour. Girls don't understand much about honour, do they? VANDEAN. Not the rudiments! 108 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. IDA. No, I suppose they don't; so what I said doesn't really count, does it, Lucius? I I never meant it to count for very much, you know. VANDEAN (going towards her). Isn't it to count at all, Ida? [He takes her hand. She looks up at him. IDA. No. (He draws her to him). Lucius no, wait a minute, Lucius wasn't papa pleased when you got Mr. Mangan to see him? VANDEAN. He was overwhelmed. There was nothing I mightn't have asked. IDA. Did you ask anything? VANDEAN. Well, what do you think I'm asking now? IDA. I think you're really rather clever too. At least you seem to have got the better of papa ! VANDEAN. My darling, I needn't mind telling you now that your revered parent's scheme was the neatest thing on earth. He had us fairly cornered. Bless you, we couldn't afford to lose that seat ! Gad, I should like to have worked that trick myself! Using old Bascom like that! Oh, so pretty, and so thoroughly in accordance with the traditions of the Constitution ! Come, sit here. (Makes her sit L.C. and kneels ~by Tier). IDA. But if it was all that, how did you man- age to to to come out on the top, Lucius dear? VANDEAN. Heaven forgive me, my darling, but I bluffed for all I was worth! I fair scared him w r ith the principles of purity. IDA. The principles of purity? VANDEAN. Yes, those are what we bring to the front when we don't mean to give a man anything. We should be swamped without 7 em, Ida. (Chuckles). And of course the old Chief meant to see him all the time! IDA. How beautiful to be both as honourable PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. 1Q9 and as clever as you! I expect papa would like to have you in his business. VANDEAN. Oh, we must keep a few brains in the service of the Government. It's mostly rou- tine, but just now and then we find the need of them. IDA. Ah, but you're always there the power behind the throne! VANDEAN. The power behind the throne! I say, you're a very intelligent girl, Ida as well as being very beautiful. IDA. Oh, I'm not beautiful. Look at other girls who VANDEAN. Well, I'm hanged if I should be afraid to. IDA. You're very, very nice as well as being honourable and clever, Lucius and I really must give you a (she is about to kiss him, when [MANGAN enters R. Seeing IDA he stops short in doorway. IDA rises hastily and draws away from VANDEAN, who rises also. MANGAN. Oh! er you appear to be engaged, Lucius ? VANDEAN. Yes, thank heaven I am, sir! No, no, I beg your pardon I I I misunderstood myself, sir. This is er only Miss Pilkerton. [IDA, L.C., confused. MANGAN advances to- wards her. VANDEAN between them, a little up. MANGAN. To be sure! Delighted to see you again, Miss Pilkerton. (He comes to her and shakes hands). VANDEAN. She called to see Addisworth, sir, and came into this room by mistake. [Enter PILKERTON from R., and stands down R. He holds a letter in his hand. HO PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. MANGAN. Ah, my dear Mr. Pilkerton, you've written that little line? PILKERTON. Here it is, Mr. Mangan. (He gives letter to MANGAN). MANGAN (handing it to VANDEAN). About Wrensford for the Chief Whip. (To PILKER- TON). And didn't you say your son was here? IDA. Jack's in the next room, Mr. Mangan. MANGAN. Call him, Lucius. I must by all means make his acquaintance. [VANDEAN goes and opens door L. and calls. VANDEAN. The Prime Minister wants you, Pil- kerton. [Enter JACK L. VANDEAN goes up C. again. MANGAN advances to JACK, holding out his hand. HETTY follows in after JACK and stops behind him L. After her AD- DISWORTH, who goes up behind desk L. MANGAN. Mr. Pi 1 rerton, I'm delighted to shake you by the hand, I rejoice to welcome so good a supporter and to make acquaintance with the future Member for Wrensford. JACK. Member for Wrensford ! [ADDIS WORTH grimaces at back of desk L. HETTY (coming from behind JACK). Oh, fancy Jack in the House! I'm so delighted. MANGAN. You, Hetty! What? And Jack! Eh? Do I understand? Nothing could give me greater joy, Mr. Pilkerton. PILKERTON. I always hoped Hetty would be a daughter to me. HETTY. I enter the firm! Oh, Jack! IDA. Oh, Mr. Mangan, and is papa (comes C.). MANGAN. My dear young lady, I'm more in- debted than I can easily say to my friend Mr. Pil- kerton. Aren't we, Lucius? PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. HI VANDEAN (coming down to R.C., 'between MAN- CAN and PILKERTON). We are, sir. He has come forward in the noblest the most disinter- ested way MANGAN. Quite right, Lucius, quite right. VANDEAN. At a moment of embarrassment MANGAN. Er of possible embarrassment, Lucius. VANDEAN. Of possible embarrassment, arid placed his son and his own unreserved support at our disposal. IDA. How splendid of papa! ADDISWORTH. Ripping ! PILKERTON. I have done nothing, really noth- ing. VANDEAN. He actually calls that nothing, sir! It's worth ten thousand men in Patagonia! IDA. Papa, it's magnificent! ADDISWORTH. It's heroic, Mr. Pilkerton. HETTY. It's so like him that's what I feel; isn't it, Jack? MANGAN. And although of course such services are a passport to private friendship and esteem only, I am genuinely rejoiced that they come from a pillar of British commerce, from a man whom I have long considered in my own mind, and I have often mentioned it to you, Lucius VANDEAN. Very often, sir. MANGAN. As a suitable recipient of a signal mark of exalted favour. (To PILKERTON). May I anticipate a little and (taking PILKERTON'S hand and looking round) thank you most heartily, my dear lord ? PILKERTON. Sir, I am astounded. MANGAN. Yes, yes, very properly! And now are we all content? (Up a little and lays his hand on VANDEAN'S shoulder). Except you, my dear 112 PILKERTON'S PEERAGE. Lucius. Ah! (Turning to IDA). He works with all his might, and really gets nothing for it. VANDEAN (very virtuous). Oh, sir, to serve you IDA. But this time he has got something, Mr. Mangan. He's got me, hasn't he, papa? PILKERTON. Mr. Mangan, I'm proud to welcome such a son-in-law. (Shakino hands with him). VANDEAN (turning to MANGAN). I owe it all to you, sir. Yes, it was my Chief, my great and hon- oured Chief, who taught me to reconcile the im- mutable principles of purity with the ancient and noble traditions of the Constitution. MANGAN. You've learned your lesson nobly. ADDISWORTH. Hear! Hear! Hear! Hear! MANGAN. Take example by him, Addisworth. ADDISWORTH. I have, sir, or how should I have got my C.B.? MANGAN VANDEAN IDA ADDISWORTH PILKERTON HETTY JACK CURTAIN.