^r^Tp^g? ^■' 
 
 %. 
 
The Characters of 
 Theophrastus 
 
 A 'Translation^ with Introduction 
 
 By 
 
 Charles E. Bennett 
 
 and 
 
 William A. Hammond 
 
 Professors in Cornell University 
 
 Longmans, Green, and Co. 
 
 91 and 93 Fifth Avenue, New York 
 
 London and Bombay 
 
 1902 
 
Copyright y igo2, by / ^^^y 
 
 Longmans, Green, and Co. 
 
 All rights reserved 
 
 EDUC. 
 
 PSYCH. 
 
 LIBRARY 
 
 [October, 1902] 
 
 Tht Univtrsity Priss 
 Cambridge^ U. S. A. 
 
ro 
 
 THOMAS DAT SEYMOUR 
 
 In Profound Esteem 
 
Preface 
 
 THIS translation of The Char- 
 acters of Theophrastus is in- 
 tended not for the narrow 
 circle of classical philologists, but for 
 the larger body of cultivated persons 
 who have an interest in the past. 
 
 Within the last century only three 
 English translations o^'The Characters 
 have appeared; one by Howell (Lon- 
 don, 1824), another by Isaac Taylor 
 (London, 1836), the third by Pro- 
 fessor Jebb (London, 1870). All of 
 these have long been out of print, a 
 fact that seemed to justify the prep- 
 aration of the present work. 
 
Preface 
 
 The text followed has been, in the 
 main, that of the edition published 
 in 1897 by the Leipziger Philolo- 
 gische Gesellschaft, A few coarse 
 passages have been omitted, and 
 occasionally a phrase necessary to 
 the understanding of the context has 
 been inserted. Apart from this the 
 translators have aimed to render the 
 original with as much precision and 
 fidelity as is consistent with English 
 idiom. 
 
 Charles E. Bennett. 
 
 William A. Hammond. 
 
 Ithaca, N.Y., 
 
 August, 1902. 
 
 VIU 
 
Contents 
 
 Page 
 
 Introduction xl 
 
 Epistle Dedicatory i 
 
 The Dissembler (l.y^ 4 
 
 The Flatterer (II.) 7 
 
 The Coward (XXV.) ii 
 
 The Over-zealous Man (IV.) ... 14 
 
 The Tactless Man (XII.) .... 16 
 
 The Shameless Man (IX.) .... 18 
 
 The Newsmonger (VIII.) 21 
 
 The Mean Man (X.) 24 
 
 The Stupid Man (XIV.) 27 
 
 The Surly Man (XV.) 29 
 
 The Superstitious Man (XVI.) ... 31 
 
 The Thankless Man (XVII.) ... 35 
 
 The Suspicious Man (XVIII.) ... 37 
 
 ^ Numerals in parenthesis give the corresponding numbers 
 of the characters as published in the edition of the Leipziger 
 Philologische Gesellschaft. 
 
 ix 
 
Contents 
 
 Page 
 
 The Disagreeable Man (XX.) ... 39 
 
 The Exquisite (XXI.) 41 
 
 The Garrulous Man (III.) .... 46 
 
 The Bore (VII.) 48 
 
 The Rough (VI.) 51 
 
 The Affable Man (V.) 54 
 
 The Impudent Man (XL) .... 56 
 
 The Gross Man (XIX.) 58 
 
 The Boor (IV.) 60 
 
 The Penurious Man (XXII.) ... 63 
 
 The Pompous Man (XXIV.) .... 66 
 
 The Braggart (XXIII.) 68 
 
 The Oligarch (XXVI.) 71 
 
 The Backbiter (XXVIII.) .... 74 
 
 The Avaricious Man (XXX.) ... 77 
 
 The Late Learner (XXVII.) ... 81 
 
 The Vicious Man (XXIX.) .... 84 
 
Introduction 
 
 "XT THAT stories are new?" 
 ^^ asks Thackeray, subtle 
 • " observer of men. . 
 
 " All types of all characters uity of ^^ 
 march through all fables : Modern 
 tremblers and boasters ; vie- ^^^«^'^''- 
 tims and bullies ; dupes and 
 knaves ; long-eared Neddies, giving 
 themselves leonine airs ; TartufFes 
 wearing virtuous clothing; lovers 
 and their trials, their blindness, their 
 folly and constancy. With the very 
 first page of the human story do not 
 love, and lies too, begin ? So the 
 tales were told ages before ^sop ; 
 and asses under lions' manes roared 
 in Hebrew ; and sly foxes flattered 
 in Etruscan ; and wolves in sheep's 
 clothing gnashed their teeth in San- 
 scrit, no doubt. The sun shines 
 xi 
 
Introduction 
 
 to-day as he did when he first began 
 shining; and the birds in the tree 
 overhead, while I am writing, sing 
 very much the same note they have 
 sung ever since there were finches. 
 There may be nothing new under 
 and including the sun ; but it looks 
 fresh every morning, and we rise 
 with it to toil, hope, scheme, laugh, 
 struggle, love, suffer, until the night 
 comes and quiet. And then will 
 wake Morrow and the eyes that look 
 on it; and so da capoTh All this is 
 very true ; the changes which may be 
 observed in human nature are small, 
 and the old types of Theophrastus 
 are all about us nowadays and really 
 look and act much the same as they 
 did to the eyes of the ancient Peri- 
 patetic. Offices and institutions have 
 somewhat changed, and many char- 
 acter-types due to new vocations 
 have come into being since then, 
 e,g, the newsboy, the bishop, the 
 reporter, the hotel-clerk, and the 
 xii 
 
Introduction 
 
 jockey. But these are only accidents 
 of civilization, and the peculiarities 
 
 of office or the type of pro- Accidental 
 
 fessional character do not and Essen- 
 touch, the vital essence of '^'""^ '^^^^ 
 human nature, although they may 
 modify its expression. 
 When one speaks of a coward, one 
 means an intrinsic quality in human 
 kind which is essentially the same 
 whether found in a hoplite or in a 
 modern infantryman, but which may 
 express itself differently in the two 
 cases. The types described by The- 
 ophrastus are types of such intrinsic 
 qualities, and his pictures of ancient 
 vices and weaknesses show men 
 much as we see them now. They 
 are not merely types of professions 
 or callings. 
 
 Apart from slight variations similarity 
 of local coloring and institu- creeland 
 tions, the descriptions of the Modern 
 old Greek philosopher might "^yP^^ 
 apply almost as well to the present 
 xiii 
 
Introduction 
 
 inhabitants of London or Boston as 
 to the Athenians of 300 b.c. Then, 
 as now, the flatterer plied his wily 
 trade, indulging in smooth compliment 
 of his hero's person or actions. " As# 
 he walks with an acquaintance, he 
 says : * Behold ! How the eyes of 
 
 all men are turned upon 
 Flatterer Y^^ ' There is not a man 
 
 in the city who enjoys so 
 much notice as yourself. Yesterday 
 your praises were the talk of the 
 Porch. While above thirty men 
 were sitting there together and the 
 conversation fell upon the topic : 
 " Who is our noblest citizen ? " they 
 all began and ended with your 
 name.' " " If his friend essay a jest, 
 the flatterer laughs and stuffs his^ 
 sleeve into his mouth as though he| 
 could not contain himself." But 
 the flatterer of old could be subtle 
 too. " He buys apples and pears, 
 carries them to his hero's house, and 
 gives them to the children, and in 
 xiv 
 
Introduction 
 
 the presence of their father he kisses 
 them, exclaiming : ' Chips of the old 
 block!*** and "while his talk is 
 directed to others in the company, 
 his eye is ever fixed upon his hero.** " 
 Then as now there existed the offi- W 
 cious man, always over-ready to 
 undertake the impossible or 
 to interfere in the affairs ]i'u?Man 
 of others. " At a banquet, 
 he forces the servants to mix more ^ 
 wine than the guests can drink. If 
 he sees two men in a quarrel, he 
 rushes in between, even though he 
 knows neither one.** " If the doc- 
 tor leave instructions that no wine 
 be given the patient, he administers 
 'just a little,* on the plea that he 
 wants to set the sufferer right.'* 
 There existed, of course, then as now, 
 the tactless person, who " selects a 
 man's busiest hour for a The Tact- 
 lengthy conference, and who ^^^^ ^^" 
 sings love ditties under his sweet- 
 heart's window as she lies ill of a 
 
 XV 
 
Introduction 
 
 fever." " At a wedding, he declaims 
 against womankind, and when a 
 friend has just finished a journey, he^ 
 invites him to go for a walk." " If 
 he happens to be standing by when 
 a slave is flogged, he tells the story 
 of how he once flogged a slave of his, 
 who then went and hanged himself." 
 There was the mean man, too, who, • 
 if his servant broke a pot or plate, • 
 The Mean deducted its value from the 
 ^^» poor fellow's rations. " He , 
 
 permits no one to take a fig from his 
 garden or cross his field, or even to * 
 pick up windfalls under his fruit 
 trees. He forbids his wife to lend 
 salt or lamp-wicks or a pinch of cum- 
 min, marjoram, or meal, observing 
 that these trifles make a large sum 
 in a year." 
 
 There was also the thankless man 
 whose pessimism is so gloomy as to 
 The Thank- cloud all view of his bless- 
 less Man ings. " When a friend ; 
 has sent him something from his 
 xvi 
 
Introduction 
 
 table, he says to the servant who 
 brings it : ' He grudged me a dish 
 of soup and a cup of wine, I sup- 
 pose, and so couldn't invite me tojr 
 dinner/ " " If he secures a slave at 
 a bargain after long dickering with 
 the owner, he says : ' I imagine I 
 have n't got much at this price/ 
 And to the person who brings him 
 the glad tidings that a son is born to 
 him, he retorts, ' If you only add : 
 "And half your fortune's gone," 
 you '11 hit it.' " 
 
 Then we have the man who is osten-* 
 tatious in trivial things. " When he • 
 has sacrificed an ox, he Fetty , 
 
 winds the head and horns vanity 
 with fillets, and nails them up, oppo- 
 site the entrance of his house." 
 " When he parades with the cavalry 
 he gives all his accoutrements to his . 
 squire to carry home, and throwing 
 back his mantle stalks proudly about 
 the market-place in his spurs." M 
 When he is master of the prytany, . 
 b xvii 
 
Introduction 
 
 he craves the privilege of announc- 
 ing to the people the result of the 
 sacrifice ; and as soon as he has 
 delivered to the people the momen- 
 tous intelligence that the sacrifice has 
 resulted well, he hies him home and 
 recounts his triumph to his wife in 
 an ecstasy of joy. 
 
 The foregoing are but illustrations 
 of the happy skill with which Theo- 
 phrastus has delineated a number of 
 character- types which are as universal 
 as human nature and know no limits 
 of age or of country. Here and 
 there we meet a type in the Greek 
 for which we have no exact counter- 
 part in our customary modern modes 
 of thought. Such a type may be 
 seen in Theophrastus*s " The Disa- 
 greeable Man," a person who seems 
 a sort of general nuisance with a 
 touch of the bore and the braggart. 
 As a rule, however, the types are 
 singularly like those we know to-day, 
 and it is not difficult at once to pro- 
 
Introduction 
 
 vide them with appropriate modern 
 labels. The treatment, though al- 
 most invariably brief, is invariably- 
 vigorous and trenchant. With at 
 few bold strokes the character is) 
 drawn. There is absolutely no pre-i 
 tense of style, as we ordinarily under-' 
 stand it; yet each type is in its way) 
 a gem. Through them all runs that) 
 fidelity to truth which was the un-^ 
 failing inspiration of all Greek art.' 
 It is this which makes The Charac-x 
 ters a unique creation and vindicates/ 
 their position as a part of the world's 
 literature. 
 
 It is largely for this reason that these 
 slight sketches are here produced in 
 English.exhibitingasthevdo, _., „ 
 
 L^ ^L -.u T^he Ear- 
 
 when we compare them with /^-^^^ ^^_ 
 what we see around us, the es- tempt at 
 sential identity of human na- Character- 
 ture in ages widely separated '^^^ ^^^ 
 from each other in time and manners.^ 
 
 ^ " I gather, too, from the undeniable testimony 
 of his [Aristotle's] disciple, Theophrastus, that 
 
Introduction 
 
 There is, furthermore, an accidental 
 interest in the work of Theophrastus,> 
 due to the fact that it is the first re-J 
 corded attempt at systematic char-A 
 acter-writing. Characters, to be 
 sure, are portrayed in Homer and 
 in the tragedians, but they are in-i 
 cidental to the narrative or to the 
 ; dramatic plot, whereas in Theo- 
 j phrastus the business is with the^ 
 / delineation of a character as such. 
 / He tells us what a man does, simply • 
 S as an illustration of what he is, and 
 I this method of writing had a very 
 I ^^g intimate bearing on the evo- 
 
 infiuence lution of the New Comedy 
 ofTheo- under the leadership of Me- 
 \ p rastus nander. There is a tradition. 
 
 there were bores, ill-bred persons, and detractors 
 even in Athens, of a species remarkably correspond- 
 ing to the English, and not yet made endurable by 
 being classic ; and, altogether, with my present 
 fastidious nostril, I feel that I am the better off 
 for possessing Athenian life solely as an inodorous 
 fragment of antiquity."" George Eliot in Theo- 
 phrastus Such, p. 27, Cabinet Edition. 
 XX 
 
Introduction 
 
 in fact, that Theophrastus was the 
 teacher of Menander, who in turn 
 furnished models for Terence in his 
 delineation of conventional drama- 
 tic types. The influence of Theo- . 
 phrastus was further directly and | 
 potently exerted on the so-called 
 character-writers of the seventeenth! 
 century in England and France. The I 
 simple methods of these character- 
 writers and their uninvolved sketches \ 
 were succeeded by the more elaborate \ 
 art of the novelists, in whose works , 
 individuals rather than types are de- 
 scribed by exhibiting their develop- 
 ment in long periods of time and 
 under great diversity of circum- 
 stances. 
 
 We have little information as to 
 the personal history of Theophrastus, 
 beyond what we learn from The Youth 
 the extant fragments of his ofTheo- 
 wri tings and from the meagre P^^^^^^^ 
 biography of Diogenes of Laerte. 
 He was born at Eresus, a village on 
 xxi 
 
Introduction 
 
 the island of Lesbos, in 371 b.c, 
 and his father was one Melantas, a 
 fuller by trade. He first went to 
 school to Alcippus in his native 
 island, but afterwards travelled to 
 Athens, the intellectual metropolis, 
 and became a pupil of Plato at the 
 Academy, with whom he appears to 
 have studied until the Master's death. 
 Theophrastus was then in his twenty- 
 fifth year. At that time he attached 
 himself to Aristotle, who was some 
 twelve years his senior and who had 
 also been a member of the Academy, 
 until Plato died scribens. During 
 the twelve years which elapsed from 
 the death of Plato until Aristotle 
 cj-f^g^_ established the new school 
 phrastus of the Lyceum {\n23S ^-^O? 
 and Theophrastus was probably 
 
 with his new leader, at least 
 part of the time, in Stagira or at the 
 Macedonian court, where the youth- 
 ful Alexander was under the tutorial 
 discipline of Aristotle. Theophrastus 
 xxii 
 
Introduction 
 
 was an intimate friend of Callisthenes, 
 the unfortunate fellow-student and 
 companion of Alexander, and it is 
 probable that the two studied to- 
 gether at Pella. The story is told 
 that Aristotle, in speaking of these 
 two pupils, said: "Callisthenes 
 needs a spur, but Theophrastus,^ 
 a bridle." Many years later, when 
 Aristotle was dead and Cassander 
 (see Character VII.) had gained 
 control of Alexander's throne, Theo- 
 phrastus was invited to an office at 
 the court where he had spent his 
 student days, and Ptolemy Soter, 
 Cassander's political ally, sent him 
 an invitation to the court of Egypt, 
 But he declined these calls into the 
 social and political world, and main- 
 tained steadfastly his devotion to phi- 
 losophy. 
 
 1 The original name of Theophrastus, according 
 to tradition, was Tyrtamus, but owing to his di- 
 vine speech Aristotle gave him the name which 
 has come down to us. 
 
Introduction 
 
 It was a fashion for the rectors or 
 presidents of the great schools of 
 Theo- Athens, such as the Cyno- 
 phrastus sarges, the Academy, and the 
 Chosen by Lyceum, before their death 
 
 Aristotle , ^u * 
 
 to be ^° name their successors m 
 
 President officc. And SO when Aris- 
 of^h^ totle was asked who should 
 yceum gucceed him in the presidency 
 of the Lyceum, tradition tells of the 
 delicate way in which he left record 
 of his wish. His two most distin- 
 guished pupils were Theophrastus 
 of Lesbos and Eudemus of Rhodes. 
 Aristotle replied to the question as to 
 his successor by asking for two sorts 
 of wine, — Lesbian and Rhodian. 
 After tasting of them he said: "They 
 are both excellent ; but the Lesbian 
 is the sweeter." Thereby it was 
 known that he had decided in favor 
 of Theophrastus, who on the death 
 of Aristotle (322 b.c.) succeeded to 
 the presidency of the L^xeum, over 
 which he continued to preside for 
 xxiv 
 
Introduction 
 
 thirty-five years. His administration 
 was one of almost unparalleled suc- 
 cess. Diogenes Laertius reports that 
 two thousand students thronged to 
 him. Although not born at Athens, 
 he was one of the most popular and 
 beloved members of that somewhat 
 exclusive community. This is il- 
 lustrated by the story of Agonides, 
 who preferred against him a charge of 
 atheism, — a charge similar to that 
 which brought Socrates to martyrdom 
 and drove Aristotle into exile and 
 caused his early death ; but instead 
 of injuring Theophrastus, Agonides 
 narrowly escaped paying a fine for 
 his folly. Amongst his contempo- 
 raries Theophrastus was a great per- 
 sonal force by reason of his amiable 
 character, his charities and lavish 
 benefactions, the amenity of neath of 
 his manners, his great eru- 'theo- 
 dition, and gifts of oratory. P^^'^'^^' 
 He died in 287 B.C. in the eighty- 
 fifth year of his age, and Diogenes 
 
 XXV 
 
Introduction 
 
 Laertius says that " the whole pop- 
 ulation of Athens, honoring him 
 greatly, followed him to the grave." 
 Theophrastus was one of the great- 
 est polygraphs of antiquity. Two 
 His Writ- hundred and twenty-seven 
 ingsand works^ are attributed to him. 
 Gentus npj^g range of his learning is 
 similar to that of Aristotle's, with the 
 emphasis laid rather more strongly 
 on the side of natural science. His 
 genius, however, is not marked by 
 Aristotle's profundity. He served 
 his age rather as a great popular- 
 izer of science ; he was not an 
 originator of epoch-making ideas or 
 theories. Yet as a local and popu- 
 lar force he surpassed Aristotle. 
 His influence on subsequent ages, 
 however, is less marked. Of the 
 227 works (containing 232,908 lines) 
 
 1 The following treatises are extant, either entire 
 or in considerable parts: 0« Sensation^ i bk. ; On 
 Smells^ I bk. ; Moral Characters^ i bk. j History 
 of Plants y 2 bks. 
 
 xxvi 
 
Introduction 
 
 attributed to Theophrastus, frag- 
 ments of nine only are now ex- 
 tant, excluding certain insignificant 
 remains. 
 
 It is doubtless true, however, that 
 he influenced his own time as much 
 by his administrative ability in the 
 conduct of the Lyceum and by 
 his oral utterances as by his written 
 treatises. His prodigious industry 
 was no doubt partially inspired by 
 Aristotle as well as by the swift, 
 stirring movement of the age immedi- 
 ately preceding and following the 
 death of Alexander, in which his liter- 
 ary manhood was passed. " Time," 
 he says, " is the most valuable thing 
 a man can spend." He expressed 
 his sense of the value of order in the 
 apothegm : " Better trust a horse 
 without bridle than a discourse with- 
 out arrangement." His estimate of 
 oral converse at table is recorded in 
 a rather brusque and un-Athenian 
 remark said to have been made by 
 xxvii 
 
Introduction 
 
 him to a silent neighbor at dinner : 
 " Sir, if you are an ignorant man, 
 your conduct shows wisdom ; but if 
 you are a wise man, you act like a 
 fool." The genuinely kind character 
 of Theophrastus, however, is amply 
 illustrated by the provisions 
 of his will, which evidences 
 also his very considerable wealth. 
 He had inherited from Aristotle the 
 largest private library then known. 
 This library, to which he had him- 
 self made notable additions, he 
 bequeathed to Neleus, his nephew 
 (Theophrastus never married), and by 
 Neleus it was taken to Asia Minor, 
 where it was hidden in a cellar to 
 avoid the rapacity of the agents of 
 the Attalid dynasty, who were seiz- 
 ing all available books for the Royal 
 Library at Pergamon. And hereby 
 hangs the curious old story of the loss 
 of Aristotle's works for one hundred 
 and fifty years, until they were redis- 
 covered, worm eaten, in the cellar of 
 xxviii 
 
Introduction 
 
 Neleus at Scepsis. A Museum, — 
 temple of the muses, — had been built 
 by Theophrastus as the home of the 
 Lyceum. In his will he provided 
 that this should be maintained and 
 beautified, that statues of the illustri- 
 ous dead (particularly of Aristotle) 
 should be completed, for which com- 
 missions had already been given to 
 the renowned sculptor Praxiteles ; 
 further, that tablets with maps of the 
 world engraved on them should be 
 erected in the lower colonnade. In 
 acknowledgment of the claims of re- 
 ligion, he also directed that an altar 
 should be placed there. He devised 
 the garden, promenade, and houses 
 adjoining the garden to the joint con- 
 trol of Hipparchus, Neleus, Strato, 
 and their successors, as a trust, en- 
 joining that a school of philosophy 
 should be maintained in them, and 
 that the property should never be 
 alienated from this purpose nor 
 claimed as private possession. After 
 xxix 
 
Introduction 
 
 piously making provision for certain 
 friends and the support of faithful 
 attendants, he further directed that 
 he should be buried in the school 
 garden without unnecessary expense 
 or ceremony. 
 
 Theophrastus is more generally 
 known for his character sketches than 
 <ffig for his scientific work, al- 
 Char- though his treatises on bot- 
 acters ^^^ represented the highest 
 attainments made by science in that 
 field during antiquity and the Middle 
 Ages. The treatise here translated 
 (tjOlkol xapaK:Ti7/D€9) sets forth thirty 
 types of character striking to the 
 A Frap- Greek mind. They are 
 mentfrom probably a fragment or ex- 
 a Larger ^j-act made by some epitoma- 
 tor rrom a larger treatise 
 which was suggested by the abstract 
 ethical analyses of Aristotle, as 
 exhibited in the Nicomachean Ethics^ 
 and by the concrete dramatic repre- 
 sentations of the New Comedy. The 
 
Introduction 
 
 stage suggests the form, and Aris- 
 totle's treatise the content. The^l 
 represent nioraland„„!iocial defects I 
 and weaknesses, though not revolting 
 vices', i)ut tHey' do this in a Mimetic 
 mimetic way by exhibiting Delinea- 
 persons as acting or speaking. ^''^J/ 
 Theophrastus was a con- and So- 
 temporary of Philemon and cial De- 
 Menander, and his life was -^^^'"^ 
 spent in the era of the revival of com- 
 edy and the elaboration of current 
 moral types for humorous presenta- 
 tion on the stage. So the characters of 
 Theophrastus are, as it were, dramatis 
 ■personae of his time. Ha-^CLW^ ^s 
 how a given type of man speaks and) 
 acXs^,;,, the dramatization of his charac- 
 ters would require scarcely anything' 
 more than stage setting. His por-| 
 trayal is not satire, but imitation ; notj 
 caricature, but realistic delin- „ ,. 
 
 r 1 • r TV /r Realism | 
 
 eation from lire. Moreover, 
 this description of generic types rather ^ 
 than of individuals belongs to the 
 xxxi 
 
Introduction 
 
 literary fashion of his age. Looked 
 at from this mimetic point of view, 
 The Characters of Theophrastus are 
 historically all the more important, 
 because our knowledge of Menander, 
 the " tenth muse," is so meagre, rest- 
 ing, as it does, upon scanty Greek 
 fragments and a few Latin adap- 
 tations. 
 
 These thirty sketches at the be- 
 ginning of the post-classical age 
 Greek ^o not represent, properly 
 Notion of Speaking, vices, and yet they^ 
 ^^" were vices to the mind of the\ 
 
 Greek, who measured his morality 
 largely by the canons of good form. 
 Any violation of good taste or breachi 
 of courtesy was morally vicious, i 
 The disposition was to maintain ini 
 close unity the natures of beauty andl 
 goodness (fcaX o/cdy a^ta) ; moderns 
 discriminate sharply between the aes-»^ 
 thetic and the moral. The social 
 virtues of gentle breeding and the^ 
 graces of politeness toward their' 
 xxxii 
 
Introduction 
 
 fellow men had for the classical. 
 Greeks an ethical nature, as is wit-/ 
 nessed in Aristotle's Ethics, Man- 
 ners and morals were not sundered. 
 What we call a social weakness, or de- V 
 feet, or boorish crudity, Theophrastus '| 
 called a vice. It is necessary to bear ; 
 this in mind when one reads the 
 " moral characters," ^ as they are called 
 in the Greek title. 
 
 /•Amongst these characters there are 
 
 ino virtues, and one may ask : Why 
 is it that in his portrayal of virtues 
 
 ^ypes Theophrastus has al- not Delin- 
 together omitted any descrip- ^^^^^ 
 
 ^tion of good men ? The answer is 
 not to be found in the supposition 
 that such characters were originally 
 included in the work, but have since 
 perished. The real ground for the 
 omission is probably to be discovered 
 
 * A character (xapda-a-flu "to engrave") Is the in- 
 dividuality which is engraved by habits and temper- 
 ament on a man or group of men, and in a literary 
 sense (as used by Theophrastus) it is the verbal 
 delineation of this individuality. 
 ^ xxxiii 
 
Introduction 
 
 in the nature of the conditions under 
 which Theophrastus wrote. These, 
 as we have already indicated, were 
 closely connected with the develop- 
 ment of the New Comedy. The 
 portrayal of a good character may be 
 edifying, and may serve the conditions 
 of tragedy, but it does not suit the 
 purposes or surroundings of the 
 comic stage, where the ludicrous 
 elements of weak, eccentric, or faulty 
 personalities are the materials em- 
 ployed. The aim of TheophrastusS 
 is both to amu se^aiid to instruct, but[ 
 his instruction is given by exposing 
 to ridicule certain faults which he 
 elevates into the striking tangibility j 
 of concrete character. The serious 
 T:he Sub- ^ig^i^Y ^^^ excellence of the 
 ject-matter good man, while it may suit 
 °f^^^ the heroic conditions of the 
 
 Sketches • ^i r 
 
 epic, the grave purpose or 
 
 tragedy, or the aims of moral allegory, 
 
 offers no material for such sketches 
 
 as these. Theophrastus has no con- 
 
 xxxiv 
 
Introduction 
 
 cern either with the grossly immoral 
 or with the helplessly weak ; the 
 former awaken only disgust and hate, 
 while the latter stir only feelings of 
 pity, and neither of these emotions 
 can be kept active in the true art of 
 comedy. Rightly speaking, the art 
 of Theophrastus has to do only with 
 folly or with such eccentricities and 
 weaknesses as have a humorous 
 aspect. And it is only moral im- 
 perfections of this sort that we 
 actually find in ^he Characters, 
 As to the serious function of instruc-~^ 
 tion which Theophrastus no doubt 
 aims to combine with that /^/^/^^/^^^ 
 of entertainment, there is no an instru- 
 more skilful mode of indue- ^entofin- 
 ing moral betterment than ^'''"^''^'' 
 the discovery and exposure of the 
 ludicrous. Most men would rather 
 incur the charge of immorality than 
 be exposed to the belittling laugh or 
 derision of a community ; they would 
 rather be rogues than fools. The por- 
 
 XXXV 
 
Introduction 
 
 trait-painter of moral life makes use 
 of the ludicrous when he desires to 
 catch the popular attention, and there 
 is nothing, one may safely say, that 
 makes society at large prick up its 
 ears and fall to gossiping so much as 
 a satire in which some well-known 
 person is subjected to ridicule. \ 
 Moral folly is much the same every- 
 where ; it is only the fooFs costume 
 
 that changes in different 
 Folh countries. The folly of the 
 
 miser is seen in his cheating 
 himself of the real goods of life and in 
 robbing himself of the respect of his 
 fellows ; the folly of the coward, in 
 gaining personal safety by losing rep- 
 utation for manliness ; the folly of 
 the flatterer, in his shallow self-serving 
 which men see through, while they 
 nudge their fellows and laugh at his 
 weakness ; the folly of the vain man, 
 in the way in which he assumes im- 
 pressive proportions to his own mag- 
 nifying eye, while to others his per- 
 XXX vi 
 
Introduction 
 
 sonality looks as small as it is; the folly 
 of the tactless man, in consulting his 
 own convenience rather than his 
 neighbor's, whereby he becomes a 
 butt for his gaucherie ; the folly of 
 the boor, in his trampling awkwardly 
 on the established usages of the polite 
 world and thereby drawing upon him- 
 self the smilingly derisive attention 
 of all observers. Throughout the 
 list these characters represent some 
 type of social foible or folly. 
 In regard to the literary art of Theo- 
 phrastus, as exhibited in these 
 sketches, it must be looked q-^g ^/^^^_ 
 at from the standpoint of an ary Art of 
 innovation in Greek letters ; '^^"' 
 it is rare that any man both 
 begins and perfects an art. There | 
 is nothing in the world so interest- 
 ing as a character, but there is also . 
 nothing that is so difficult to portray « 
 briefly. T heophrastus was an acute 
 observer_ and he was a plain reali st.! 
 Hisart consists in the truthfulness 
 xxxvii 
 
Introduction 
 
 \ 
 
 of his vision and in the direct sim- 
 plicity with which he gives it expres- 
 sion. He does not seek to create 
 a laugh by exaggeration or by the 
 trick of a ludicrous situation that has 
 no moral significance. /His art is i 
 not possible without wit, keenness, 
 and fineness of feeling./ There is no, 
 exhibition of the satirist's lash; but 
 his criticism is made with that geni-i 
 ality which is more telling than the 
 severest invective. VThese are not 
 individual portraits, y They lack,' 
 therefore, the detailed finish of such 
 a portrait as is given in the much- 1 
 elaborated modern novel with its 
 varied facilities for exhibiting the in- 
 dividuality of one or several persons. 
 ■^On the contrary, these are merely 
 outline sketches, ^as Theophrastus 
 himself calls them, and are descrip- 
 tive of a class, not of an individual, r 
 A simple line, however, does not 
 constitute a sketch ; to exhibit a 
 character, the sketch must not only 
 xxxviii 
 
Introduction 
 
 ^^^S^3-L)y^^om^\^t^, The coward, ^^ 
 e, g.y is sketched in his fear at sea, 
 where his timid imagination invents 
 dangers, and he wishes to be put 
 ashore ; he is sketched on the field 
 of battle, where he tries to impress 
 his comrades by a courage that he 
 does not feel ; but when he hears the 
 shouts of war and sees the soldiers 
 fall, he shrinks faint-hearted to his 
 tent and there searches for the sword 
 he has himself hid ; and again when 
 the danger is over he resumes his 
 bold exterior and proclaims his daring 
 rescue of a comrade. We have here 
 a pictorial sketch which, with its life 
 and action, appeals to the reader^s 
 eye. The coward is shown from 
 various points of view, always in new^ 
 lights, but he is always the coward. 
 The canons of this species of literary 
 art may_ be summarized as 7-^^ 
 
 follows '^U — Faithfulness to Canons of 
 
 realit y: The ch aracter must ^^^ ^^^ 
 be a n accurate report of nature 
 xxxix 
 
Introduction 
 
 I and not a caricature. It must be 
 y executed in the spirit of realism. 
 2. — B revity : It must be slight and ) 
 swift, essentially of the nature of a 
 sketch. 3. — Humor: It must have 
 the sprightliness of statement that 
 amuses while it instructs. 4. — -Type : 
 It must be illustrat ive of a generic 
 or typical fault. In other words, 
 the character must give embodiment 
 to some fault that touches human 
 nature in an essential and universal 
 way. 5. — Concreteness : The fault as 
 an abstraction must be translated by / 
 the artist's power into a concrete per- 
 sonal form. The foible must be 
 revealed in a genre picture of a living 
 personality. 
 
 Since Theophrastus, this form of 
 character-writing has been cultivated^ 
 Imitators ^^ various times^but it flour- 
 of Theo- ished most amongst the 
 phrastut ^linQj. essayists of the seven- \ 
 teenth century .>^ It is of too slight a 
 nature in itself to make a serious im- 
 xl 
 
Introduction 
 
 pression on any literary epoch. It 
 suited, however, the temper of the 
 seventeenth century, as the sprightly 
 essay possessing no serious depth and 
 aiming to touch life at many points. 
 The chief imitators of Theophrastus 
 and exponents of character-writing 
 at this time were Bishop Hall, Bish- 
 op Earle, Sir Thomas Overbury, 
 Nicholas Breton, Samuel Butler, and 
 La Bruyere. Bishop Hall, contrary 
 to the example of Theophrastus, in- 
 cludes virtues as well as vices in hisV 
 book entitled Characters of Vertues 
 and Vices (London, 1608). In the 
 general structure of his composition 
 he follows the model of Theophras- 
 tus closely. In the description of\ 
 vices, however, he is much more' 
 entertaining than in his sketches of 
 virtues, which are rather homilies 
 and, as the panegyrics of a tedious 
 preacher, provoke one to yawn. Vir- » 
 tue is not fitting material for this / 
 species of writing. The brilliant 
 xli 
 
Introduction 
 
 but ill-starred Sir Thomas Overbury, 
 in his Characters or Witty Descrip- 
 tions of the Properties of Sundry Per- 
 sons (London, 1614; went through 
 eighteen editions), departs from 
 the usage of Theophrastus in depict- 
 ing for the most part amusing acci- 
 dents of character and humorous 
 peculiarities of trades and pro- 
 fessions. Bishop Earle, on the other 
 hand, in his Micro-cosmographie 
 (London, 1628) confined his character 
 delineation to mores hominum, to ethi- 
 cal types of men as such, in a spirit 
 similar to that of his Greek model. 
 The best known of all the imitators 
 of Theophrastus, if he can be called 
 , „ , an imitator at all, is La Bru- 
 yere, m his Les car ac teres ou 
 les mceurs de ce siecle (Paris, 1688). 
 The caracteres of La Bruyere are 
 really satires on certain thinly dis- 
 guised contemporaries of his own 
 and are executed in a spirited method 
 totally different from that of Theo- 
 xlii 
 
Introduction 
 
 phrastus, but to which a translation 
 of T^he Characters of Theophrastus 
 is added. La Bruyere was a lover 
 of the ancient classics, although his 
 translation or paraphrase was hardly- 
 more than a pretext for writing down 
 his own description of the manners 
 of his time. It furnished him, per- 
 haps, the first suggestion and the 
 first impulse to the portrayal of the 
 vices and weaknesses of his contem- 
 poraries on a much larger scale than 
 Theophrastus had attempted. 
 
 xliii 
 
 A 
 
Character^ of 
 
 Theophra^tu^ 
 
 Epistle Dedicatory 
 
 Theophrastus to Polycles: 
 
 MANY a time ere now I have 
 stopped to think and won- 
 der, — I fancy the marvel 
 will never grow less, — why it is 
 that we Greeks are not all one 
 in character, for we have the same 
 climate throughout the country, 
 and our people enjoy the same 
 education. I have studied human 
 nature a long time, my dear Poly- 
 cles, for I have lived nine and 
 ninety years ; ^ I have conversed 
 with many men of divers char- 
 
 ^ This dedication is now thought to be spurious. 
 The Characters were probably written in 
 319 B.C., at which time Theophrastus was 
 not more than fifty-three years of age. 
 I I 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 acters, and have been at great 
 pains to observe both good and 
 bad. I have fancied, therefore, 
 I ought to set down in writing 
 how men live and act. I shall 
 describe their characters, each after 
 its kind, and show you their be- 
 setting weaknesses. I dare say, 
 Polycles, our children will be the 
 better, if we leave them me- 
 morials of this sort ; and as they 
 study these patterns of good -^ and 
 ill, they will elect, I think, to live 
 and hold communion with men 
 of the highest type. In this 
 way they will strive to maintain 
 the level of the highest. I turn 
 now to my task. Yours it is to 
 follow me and see if what I say 
 is true. I begin my book with 
 a description of the Dissemhlery 
 
 * This allusion to patterns of good men is a further 
 proof of the spurlousness of the Epistle Dedi- 
 catory, no such types seem to have been 
 written by Theophrastus. See Introduction, 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 omitting any preface and details 
 about the word. And first of 
 all I shall lay down a definition 
 of dissembling, and with this in 
 view shall describe the dissembler 
 in his character and manner of 
 life, exhibiting in such clearness, 
 as I can, his various traits. 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 I The Dissembler 
 
 (^Elpcovela) 
 
 DISSEMBLING, generally 
 speaking, is an affectation, 
 whether in word or action, 
 V intended to make things seem 
 ' other than they really are. The 
 dissembler is a man, for instance, 
 who accosts his enemies and en- 
 gages readily in talk with them, 
 to show that he bears no grudge, 
 and who praises to their faces 
 the very men he slanders behind 
 their backs ; and when these lose 
 a suit at court, he professes sym- 
 pathy for their misfortune. When 
 men malign him, or the opposi- 
 tion 's loud, he is ever ready with 
 forgiveness. 
 When others have suffered such ill- 
 treatment as to have just cause 
 for indignation, his comments on 
 their wrongs are couched in non- 
 4 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 committal terms. And when a 
 man is anxious to have an inter- 
 view with him, he bids him come 
 again, pretending that he has 
 just reached home, that the hour 
 is late, or that his health is too 
 feeble to bear the strain. 
 
 He never admits anything he is 
 doing, but at most will say that 
 he is considering it. When a 
 friend would borrow of him, or 
 would solicit his contribution, he 
 says "Business is dreadfully dull"; 
 though at other times, when 
 business is really dull, he re- 
 ports a thriving trade. If he has 
 received a bit of news, he will 
 not admit he has heard it; and 
 when he has witnessed an occur- 
 rence, he will not admit he 
 has seen it ; or if he does ad- 
 mit it, he protests he can't re- 
 call it. And of one matter, he 
 says he will examine it ; of an- 
 5 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 other, that he does n't know ; of 
 others, that he is amazed ; of yet 
 others, that he had thought of that 
 himself before. In short, he is a 
 master of phrases like these : " I 
 can't believe it"; "I fail to com- 
 prehend"; "I 'm dumfounded"; 
 "By your account the fellow has 
 become a different man " ; " He 
 certainly did n't tell me that " ; 
 "The thing's improbable"; "Tell 
 that to the marines!" ; "I'm at a 
 loss how I can either doubt your 
 story or condemn my friend " ; 
 " But see whether you 're not too 
 credulous." 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 II "The Flatterer 
 
 F 
 
 LATTERY is a cringing sort 
 of conduct that aims to pro- 
 mote the advantage of the 
 flatterer. The flatterer is the 
 kind of man who, as he walks 
 with an acquaintance, says : " Be- 
 hold ! how the people gaze at 
 you ! There is not a man in 
 the city who enjoys so much no- 
 tice as yourself. Yesterday your 
 praises were the talk of the Porch. 
 While above thirty men were sit- 
 ting there together and the con- 
 versation fell upon the topic : 
 ' Who is our noblest citizen ? ' 
 they all began and ended with 
 your name." As the flatterer 
 goes on talking in this strain he 
 picks a speck of lint from his 
 hero's cloak ; or if the wind has 
 lodged a bit of straw in his locks, 
 7 
 
Characters ofTheophrastus 
 
 he plucks it off and says laugh- 
 ingly, " See you ? Because I 
 have not been with you these 
 two days, your beard is turned 
 gray. And yet if any man has 
 a beard that is black for his years, 
 it is you." 
 
 While his patron speaks, he bids 
 the rest be silent. He sounds 
 his praises in his hearing and 
 after the patron's speech gives 
 the cue for applause by " Bravo ! " 
 If the patron makes a stale jest, 
 the flatterer laughs and stuffs his 
 sleeve into his mouth as though 
 he could not contain himself.^ 
 
 If they meet people on the street, 
 he asks them to wait until master 
 passes. He buys apples and 
 pears, carries them to his hero's 
 
 / 1 " A piece of witte bursts him with an overflow- 
 ing laughter, and hee remembers it for you 
 to all companies." Earle's Micro-cosmo- 
 graphie^ *< The Flatterer.*' 
 8 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 house and gives them to the 
 children, and in the presence of 
 the father, who is looking on, he 
 kisses them, exclaiming : " Bairns 
 of a worthy sire ! " When the 
 patron buys a pair of shoes, the 
 flatterer observes : " The foot is 
 of a finer pattern than the boot " ; 
 if he calls on a friend, the flatterer 
 trips on ahead and says : " You 
 are to have the honor of his visit ** ; 
 and then turns back with, " I have 
 announced you." Of course he 
 can run and do the errands at the 
 market in a twinkle. 
 
 Amongst guests at a banquet he is 
 the first to praise the wine and, 
 doing it ample justice, he ob- 
 serves : " What a fine cuisine you 
 have ! " He takes a bit from 
 the board and exclaims : " What 
 a dainty morsel this is ! " Then 
 he inquires whether his friend is 
 chilly, asks if he would like a 
 9 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 wrap put over his shoulders, and 
 whether he shall throw one about 
 him. With these words he bends 
 over and whispers in his ear. 
 While his talk is directed to the 
 rest, his eye is fixed on his patron. 
 In the theatre he takes the cush- 
 ions from the page and himself 
 adjusts them for the comfort of 
 the master. Of his hero's house 
 he says : " It is well built" ; of 
 his farm : " It is well tilled " ; and 
 of his portrait : "It is a speak- 
 ing image." 
 
 lo 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 III "The Coward 
 
 c 
 
 OWARDICE is a certain 
 shrinking of the heart. A 
 coward is a man who, as he 
 sails along, imagines that the cliiFs 
 in the distance are pirate ships ; 
 if the waves are high, he asks if 
 there's anybody in the ship's 
 company who has not been initi- 
 ated into the mysteries.^ He bends 
 over toward the helmsman and 
 inquires whether he intends to 
 keep to the high sea, and what 
 he thinks of the weather ; and to 
 his companion says that he is in 
 terror in consequence of a dream 
 he has had ; and he takes oiF his 
 tunic and gives it to his slave, 
 and begs to be set on shore. 
 
 1 Apparently the reference is to the Samothra- 
 cian mysteries, initiation in which was thought 
 to ensure protection at sea in time of danger. 
 II 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 In a campaign, when the infantry- 
 march forth, he bids his comrades 
 stand by him and look sharp, 
 urging the importance of finding 
 out whether yonder object be the 
 foe or not. When he hears the 
 sound of battle, and sees men 
 fall, he says to those about him 
 that, in his haste, he has forgotten 
 to take his sword ; then he runs 
 back to his tent, sends his servant 
 out and bids him see where the 
 enemy are ; meanwhile he hides 
 his weapon^ under his pillow, 
 and then wastes a long time hunt- 
 ing for it. While in his tent, 
 seeing one of his companions 
 brought wounded from the field, 
 he runs out, bids the fellow 
 " Cheer up ! '' and lends a hand 
 to carry the stretcher. And then 
 
 * The sight of a sword wounds him more sen- 
 sibly than the stroke, for before that comes 
 hee is dead already." Earle's Micro-cosmo- 
 graphie^ "The Coward.'' 
 
 12 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 he stays to tend the sufferer, 
 washes his wounds, and sits by 
 his side driving away the flies, — 
 anything but fight the enemy. 
 
 When the trumpeter sounds the 
 signal for a fresh onset, he ex- 
 claims as he sits in his tent : 
 " Plague take him ! He won't let 
 the poor fellow get to sleep with 
 his eternal bugling." Then, stain- 
 ing himself with blood from the 
 other's wound, he meets the 
 troops as they return from battle, 
 and pretending to have been in 
 the thick of the fight, he ex- 
 claims, " I Ve saved a comrade ! " 
 
 ■^ And then he takes his demesmen 
 and tribesmen Into the tent, and 
 assures each one of them that he 
 himself brought the wounded 
 man to the tent with his own 
 
 hand 
 
 13 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 IV TheOver-zealousMan 
 
 (TlepLepyta') 
 
 o 
 
 VER-ZEALOUSNESS is 
 an excess in saying or do- 
 ing, — with good intentions, 
 of course. The over-zealous man 
 is one who gets up in public and 
 engages to do things which he can- 
 not perform. In cases where no 
 doubt exists in the mind of any one 
 else, he raises some objection — 
 only to be refuted. 
 
 At a banquet, he forces the ser- 
 vants to mix more wine than the 
 guests can drink. If he sees two 
 men in a quarrel, he strives to 
 part them though he knows 
 neither one. Leaving the main 
 road he leads his friends upon 
 a by-path and presently cannot 
 find his way. He accosts his 
 commander and inquires when he 
 14 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 is going to draw up the troops 
 for battle, and what orders he 
 intends to issue for day after 
 to-morrow. 
 
 He goes and tells his father that 
 his mother is already asleep in 
 her chamber. If the doctor gives 
 instructions that no wine be given 
 a patient, he administers "just a 
 little," on the plea that he wants 
 to set the sufferer right. And 
 when a woman dies, he has 
 carved on the tombstone her 
 husband's name, and her father's 
 and her mother's, along with the 
 woman's own name and her 
 native place, and adds : " Worthy 
 people, all of them." In court, 
 as he takes the oath, he remarks 
 to the by-stand ers, " I have done 
 this many a time before." 
 
 n 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 V The Tactless Man 
 
 TACTLESSNESS is the fac- 
 ulty of hitting a moment 
 that is unpleasant to the 
 persons concerned. The tactless 
 man is the sort of person who 
 selects a man's busy hour to go 
 and confer with him. He sere- 
 nades his sweetheart when she has 
 a fever. If an acquaintance has 
 just lost bail-money on a friend, 
 he hunts him up and asks him 
 to be his surety. After a verdict 
 has been rendered he appears at 
 the trial to give evidence. At a 
 wedding where he is a guest 
 he declaims against womankind. 
 
 When a friend has just finished a 
 
 long journey he invites him to 
 
 go for a walk. He has a faculty 
 
 for fetching a higher bidder for 
 
 i6 
 
Characters- of Theophrastus 
 
 an article after it has been sold ; 
 and in a group of companions he 
 gets up and explains from the be- 
 ginning a story which the others 
 have just heard and have com- 
 pletely understood. He is anx- 
 ious to give himself the trouble to 
 do what nobody wants done, and 
 yet what nobody likes to decline. 
 
 When men are in the midst of 
 religious offerings and are making 
 outlay of money, he goes to 
 collect his interest. If he hap- 
 pens to be standing by when a 
 slave is flogged, he tells the 
 story of how he once flogged a 
 slave, who then went away and 
 hanged himself. If he is arbitra- 
 tor in a dispute, he sets both con- 
 testants by the ears just at the 
 moment when they are ready to 
 settle their difi^erences. When 
 he wants to dance he takes a 
 partner who is not yet merry. 
 
 2 17 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 VI The Shameless Man 
 
 s 
 
 HAMELESSNESS may be 
 defined as contempt for de- 
 cency, joined with meanness 
 of purpose. Your shameless 
 fellow is one who robs a man and 
 then returns to borrow money of 
 him. He sacrifices a victim to 
 the gods, and instead of making 
 Hs supper from it, he salts the 
 meat down and then gets a meal 
 at the house of a friend. He 
 calls a servant, and, taking bread 
 and meat from the table, says in 
 a voice that all can hear ; *' Try 
 that, Tibios ! '* 
 
 When he goes to market, he re- 
 minds the butcher of all the 
 patronage he has given him, 
 and as he stands by the scales, 
 throws in an extra piece, if he 
 iS 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 can, or if not, a soup-bone. If 
 he secures these, he rests con- 
 tent. If he fails, he snatches 
 a piece of tripe from the bench 
 and makes off with it laugh- 
 ing. He buys theatre tickets 
 for friends that are staying in 
 town and goes along with them 
 to the performance, but does 
 , not contribute his share of the 
 expense ; and the next day you '11 
 find him taking his children and 
 their tutor, too. 
 
 When anybody has found a bargain 
 in any line, he demands to have 
 a share. He goes to the neigh- 
 bors and borrows barley, or some- 
 times even bran, and actually 
 endeavors to make those who 
 lend him these articles deliver 
 them at his house. A favorite 
 trick of his is to march up to the 
 tubs in a private bath-house, 
 draw a bucket of warm water, 
 19 
 
Characters of "Theophrastus 
 
 dash it over his head, despite the 
 loud protests of the attendant, 
 and then say, as he leaves : 
 " That *s a good bath ; no thanks 
 to you ! " 
 
 20 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 VII The Newsmonger 
 
 (AoyoTToiia) 
 
 N 
 
 EWSMAKING is the con- 
 coction of false stories of 
 what people say and do, at 
 the gossip's caprice. The news- 
 monger is one who straightway 
 strikes an attitude and assumes 
 a smiling air when he meets a 
 friend, and asks : " Where have 
 you been ? What news ? How 
 is the situation ? Have you any 
 fresh word about it ? " and then 
 going straight on, he asks : "Is 
 there no later report ? Well ! the 
 current rumors are good." 
 
 And without letting his friend reply, 
 he keeps right on : " What ! you 
 have n't heard a word about it ! 
 Then I think I have a feast of 
 news for you." He always has 
 in readiness some unheard-of sol- 
 
 21 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 dier or a slave belonging to one 
 Asteus, a piper, or Lycon, an 
 obscure contractor, just back from 
 the battle-field; and it is from 
 one of these that he has heard 
 the tidings. The authorities for 
 his reports are of the sort that 
 you can never get hold of Such 
 are the men he quotes when he 
 tells how Polyperchon and the 
 king carried the day and Cas- 
 sander was taken prisoner. 
 
 If anybody asks : "Do you believe 
 this?" he replies, "Why the 
 story is noised all about the city, 
 is constantly gaining ground, and 
 the whole population is of one 
 mind ; everybody is agreed about 
 the battle ; it must have been 
 a regular Death's feast.** He 
 reads a proof of it too in the 
 faces of men in authority ; for 
 they all wear a changed look. 
 He says he overheard that a man 
 
 22 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 had come from Macedonia who 
 knows the whole history of the 
 battle, and that he has been con- 
 cealed now five days in a house 
 with the authorities. There is a 
 convincing pathos in his voice — 
 you can imagine it ! — as he tells 
 his story and exclaims : " Luck- 
 less Cassander ! ^ ill-starred hero ! 
 Lo ! the fickleness of fortune ! 
 Vain it was that he rose to power. 
 But what I say is strictly between 
 ourselves." Then he trips off 
 and repeats the story to every 
 man in town. 
 
 ^ Cassander, the son of Antipater (died 319 
 B.C.) became Involved in a struggle with 
 Polyperchon, whom Antipater on his death- 
 bed had appointed regent. Cassander met 
 with many reverses, but finally (301 B.C.) 
 secured undisputed possession of Macedonia 
 and Greece. 
 
 23 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 VIII The Mean Man 
 
 {MiKpoXoyLo) 
 
 M 
 
 EANNESS is undue spar- 
 ing of expense. The mean 
 man is the sort of person 
 who will go to a creditor's hous€ 
 and demand a half-penny interest 
 before the month is up. At 
 dinner he counts the glasses each 
 guest drinks, and amongst his 
 fellow banqueters he pours the 
 smallest offering to Artemis. 
 
 He counts up the price a friend pays 
 for a cheap purchase, exclaiming 
 that it takes his last penny. I£^ 
 servant breaks a pot or plate he 
 deducts its value from his rations. 
 If his wife has lost a three-farth- 
 ing piece, he turns the furniture, 
 beds, and cupboards round and 
 round, and hunts between the 
 boards of the floor. When he 
 24 
 
Characters of Theopbrastus 
 
 has anything to sell he puts the 
 price so high that the buyer gets 
 no bargain. Jie^-permits no one 
 to take a fig from his garden or 
 to cross his field, or even pick up 
 an olive or a date that has fallen 
 to the ground. He examines 
 his boundary marks every day 
 to see thaflhey"h'ave not been 
 touched. 
 
 And he is always ready in case of 
 default to use the right of seizure 
 and to collect compound interest. 
 When he gives a banquet to his 
 townsmen he cuts the meat in 
 small pieces and sets a portion 
 before each guest. He goes to 
 market, but buys nothing. He 
 forbids his wife to lend salt or a 
 lamp^wick or a pinch of cum- 
 min, marjoram, or meal, a fillet 
 or a sacrificial wafer, observing 
 that these trifles make a large 
 sum in the course of a year. 
 25 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 In a word, one may see that the 
 mean man's money chest is 
 mouldy from being unopened, 
 the key rusty, his cloak too scant 
 to reach his thigh ; that he uses 
 a mean little oil jar, has his hair 
 cropped to the scalp ; he does 
 not wear his boots until midday, 
 and charges the fuller to use 
 plenty of earth on his coat to 
 keep it from soon getting soiled 
 aeain. 
 
 26 
 
s 
 
 characters of Theophrastus 
 
 IX The Stupid Man 
 
 (^Kvatcr6r)(TLa) 
 
 TUPIDITY one may define 
 as sluggishness in what a man 
 says or does. The stupid 
 man computes a sum, sets down 
 the total, and then asks his neigh- 
 bor: "How much does it all 
 make ? '* When he is defendant 
 in a suit and should go to court, 
 he forgets all about it and puts 
 off to his farm. When he goes 
 to a play at the theatre he is the 
 only spectator that is left behind 
 on the benches asleep. He gets 
 up in the night to go out, after 
 he has gorged himself, and is 
 bitten by the neighbor's dog. 
 He takes a thing and puts it away, 
 but when he comes to look for it 
 he cannot find it. If the death 
 of a friend is announced to him 
 that he may go to the funeral, 
 27 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 with a sorrowful air and tears in 
 his eyes he says : " Thank God 1 " 
 When he goes to receive pay- 
 ment of a debt, he takes witnesses 
 with him. In the winter season 
 he quarrels with his slave because 
 cucumbers have not been provided. 
 He forces his children to wrestle 
 and to run until they fall into 
 a fever. When he is roughing it 
 in the country and himself cooks 
 the vegetables, he puts salt in the 
 pot twice and so makes the dish 
 impossible. When it rains and 
 others declare that the sky is 
 darker than pitch, he exclaims : 
 " How sweet it is to consider the 
 stars 1 " And if he is asked, what 
 is the mortality of the city, — 
 how many bodies have passed 
 through the Sacred Gates, — he 
 replies : " Would that you and I 
 had as many." 
 
 28 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 X The Surly Man 
 
 (^AvddSeLo) 
 
 S 
 
 URLINESS is sullen rudeness 
 of speech. The surly man 
 is one who, when you ask 
 him, "Who is that gentleman?" 
 retorts " Don't bother me ! " and 
 when you greet him on the street 
 refuses to return your salutation. 
 When he has anything for sale, 
 he will not tell the purchaser 
 what he charges, but instead in- 
 quires, " How much do I get for 
 it?" When one would show him 
 some attention and sends him a 
 gift for the holidays, he says he 
 is not in need of presents. 
 
 He accepts no excuse when by acci- 
 dent you smutch his clothes, or 
 push against him in a crowd, or 
 chance to tread upon his foot. 
 If you ask for his contribution to 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 some object, he refuses to make 
 one, though afterwards he may- 
 bring it around, declaring, how- 
 ever, that he 's throwing the 
 money away. Sometimes he 
 stumbles in the street, and then 
 he curses the stone that tripped 
 him up. 
 
 And he's not a man to tarry many 
 minutes for a friend who has 
 an appointment with him. Sing- 
 ing, declamation, and dancing are 
 amusements for which he has no 
 taste ; and it 's exactly like him 
 to refuse to join even in prayer 
 to the gods. 
 
 30 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 XI "The Superstitious Man 
 
 (^AeccnBai/JLovLo) 
 
 SUPERSTITION Is a crouch- 
 ing fear of unseen powers. 
 The superstitious man is the 
 sort of person who begins the 
 day only after he has sprinkled 
 himself, washed his hands with 
 holy water, and taken a sprig of 
 laurel in his mouth. If a weasel 
 cross his path, he will not got 
 a step further until some one 
 else has crossed, or until he has 
 thrown three stones over the way. 
 If he sees a snake in his house, 
 he prays to Sabazius ^ (provided 
 it is a copperhead) or, if it be 
 a sacred serpent, he straightway 
 builds a shrine upon the spot. 
 
 1 A Thracian and Phrygian deity, whose worship 
 was introduced at Athens in the fifth cen- 
 tury. Sabazius represented the active powers 
 of nature, and hence was often identified with 
 Dionysus. 
 
 31 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 As he passes by the consecrated 
 stones at the cross-roads, he pours 
 oil on them from his flask, falls 
 on his knees, and prays before he 
 goes further. If a mouse should 
 gnaw through a leather flour-bag, 
 he goes to the seer and asks what 
 he shall do. If the seer bids him 
 give the bag to the cobbler to be 
 sewn up, he pays no heed to 
 him, but goes his way and offers 
 up the bag as a holy sacrifice. 
 
 He is given to purifying his house 
 often by religious rites and insists 
 it is haunted by Hecate. When . 
 he takes a walk and hears an owl ( 
 hoot, he is terrified and cries out : 
 " Athena ! thine is the power ! " 
 and so walks on. He wilLnot* 
 step on a grave, nor go u£^ a \ 
 corpse, nor to a woman in con- 
 finement, but says it is not well 
 to risk pollution. He orders 
 
 - his domestics to mull the wine on 
 32 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 the fourth and seventh of the 
 month, while he goes out and 
 buys myrtle, incense, and holy 
 cakes ; on his return he spends 
 the livelong day in crowning the 
 images of Hermaphroditus. 
 
 When he has had a vision, he goes 
 to the soothsayer, the seer, or the 
 augur, to ask to what god or 
 goddess he must pray. He goes 
 to the Orphic mysteries to be 
 initiated into them. You will be 
 sure to find him amongst the 
 people who frequent the beach to 
 besprinkle themselves. Every 
 month he goes there with his 
 wife, or if his wife is busy, then 
 with the nurse and children. 
 
 If he observes any one at the cross- 
 roads crowned with garlic, on his 
 return he washes himself from 
 head to foot, summons a priestess, 
 and gives orders to celebrate rites 
 3 33 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 of purification either with an 
 onion or a small dog. When- 
 ever he sees a madman or an 
 epileptic, he shakes with terror 
 and spits in his bosom. 
 
 34 
 
Characters of T'heophrastus 
 
 XI I The Thankless Man 
 
 (M.efd.yjnfjLOLp Co) 
 
 T 
 
 HANKLESSNESS is an 
 
 improper criticism of what 
 one receives. The thankless 
 man, when a friend has sent him 
 something from his table, says to 
 the servant who brings it, " He 
 grudged me a dish of soup and a 
 cup of wine, I suppose, and so 
 would n't invite me to dinner." 
 When his sweetheart kisses him, 
 he says, " I wonder if you really 
 do love me so in your heart.** 
 
 He blames Zeus, not for raining, 
 but for not raining before. When 
 he picks up a purse in the street, 
 he says, " But I never found a 
 treasure!** If he secures a slave 
 at a bargain after long dickering 
 with the owner, he says, " I ima- 
 gine I haven*t got much at this 
 35 
 
Characters ofTheophrastus 
 
 price." To the person who brings 
 the glad tidings that a son is born 
 to him, he retorts, " If you only 
 add, ' And half your fortune 's 
 gone,' you '11 hit it." 
 
 When he wins his case in court and 
 secures a unanimous verdict, he 
 abuses his attorney for having 
 omitted many points in his brief. 
 When his friends make him up a 
 purse, and wish him joy, " Why 
 so ? " he exclaims. " Is it because 
 I shall have to pay you all back 
 and be grateful into the bargain, 
 as though you had done me a 
 favor ? " 
 
 36 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 XIII The Suspicious Man 
 
 (^A-TnaTva) 
 
 S 
 
 USPICION is a kind of belief 
 that everybody is fraudulent. 
 The suspicious man is the sort 
 of person who sends a servant to 
 market and then sends another 
 to watch him and find out the 
 price he pays. When he carries 
 the money himself, he sits down 
 every hundred yards and counts 
 it over. Afters he is in bed he 
 asks his wife whether she locked 
 the chest and shut the cupboard, 
 and whether the hall-door bolt 
 was pushed well in. If she an- 
 swers "Yes ! " he gets up, never- 
 theless, and lights a lamp ; naked 
 and barefoot he goes around 
 and examines everything. Even 
 then he finds it hard to go to 
 sleep. When he goes to collect 
 interest, he takes witnesses along, 
 2>7 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 lest his debtors deny the claims. 
 He has his cloak dyed, not by the 
 best workman, but by the fuller 
 who can furnish good security. 
 If any one asks the loan of a 
 wine-set, he prefers not to lend it; 
 but if a member of his family or 
 a near relative wants it, he makes 
 the loan ; yet he scarcely does 
 so until he has had it assayed and 
 weighed and has received a guar- 
 antee for its safe return. He 
 orders his footman not to fall 
 behind him, but to go in front so 
 that by watching him he may pre- 
 vent his running away. If a pur- 
 chaser has bought goods of him 
 and says : " Charge the amount 
 to me ; I have no time now to 
 send the money," he replies : 
 " Do not trouble yourself about 
 it ; when you have finished your 
 business, I will go with you and 
 get my pay." 
 
 38 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 XIV The Disagreeable 
 Man 
 
 CA.r,S{a) 
 
 D 
 
 ISAGREEABLENESS we 
 
 may define as a kind of 
 conduct which is annoying, 
 although it may not be injurious. 
 The disagreeable man will go to a 
 friend and wake him out of a 
 sound sleep to have a talk with 
 him. He detains passengers who 
 are on the point of embarking; 
 others who have come to see him 
 he bids wait until he has taken 
 his walk. He takes the baby 
 ^ from its nurse, chews its food for 
 it and feeds it, dandles it on his 
 knee while he cooes to it and calls 
 "^ it "Papa's little rascal!" 
 
 At table he tells the company how 
 he once took hellebore and was 
 39 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 physicked through and through, 
 and how his bile was blacker 
 than the soup on the table. And 
 he asks before the family : " I 
 say, mammy, what day was it 
 when you were confined and I 
 was born ? " He says he has 
 cool cistern water at his house 
 and a garden full of tender vege- 
 tables ; that his cook is a perfect 
 chef^ and that his house is a regular 
 hotel, for it is always full of com- 
 pany, and his guests are like leaky 
 sieves, — do the best he can, it is 
 impossible to fill them. 
 
 When he gives a dinner he exhibits 
 his jester and shows him off be- 
 fore the company. To enliven 
 his guests over their cups, he says 
 that further pleasures have been 
 arranged for them. 
 
 40 
 
Characters of Thepphrastus 
 
 XV The Exquisite 
 
 (MLKpO<j)L\OTlfJL{a) 
 
 E 
 
 XQUISITENESS is a striving 
 for honor in small things. 
 The exquisite when invited 
 to dinner, is eager to sit by his 
 host. When he cuts off his son*s 
 hair for an offering to the gods, 
 no place but Delphi will answer 
 for the ceremony. His attendant 
 must be an Ethiopian.^ When 
 he pays a mina^ of money he 
 makes a point of offering a freshly 
 minted piece. If he has a pet 
 daw in the house, he must needs 
 buy it a ladder and a brazen 
 shield, that the daw may learn to 
 climb the ladder carrying the 
 shield. 
 
 1 Among the Athenians, Ethiopian slaves were 
 
 evidently highly prized. 
 
 2 About ^i8 of our money. 
 
 41 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 When he has sacrificed an ox, he 
 winds the head and horns with 
 fillets, and nails them up opposite 
 the entrance, in order that those 
 who come in may see what he 
 has been doing. When he pa- 
 rades with the cavalry, he gives 
 all his accoutrements to his squire 
 to carry home, and throwing back 
 his mantle stalks proudly about 
 the market-place in his spurs. 
 When his pet dog dies, he raises 
 a monument to the creature, and 
 has a pillar erected with the in- 
 scription : " Fido, Pure Mal- 
 tese." ^ In the Asclepieion^ he 
 dedicates a brazen finger,^ pol- 
 ishes it, crowns it with flowers, 
 and anoints it every day with 
 oil. 
 
 1 This breed of dogs is still known to dog-fanciers. 
 
 ^ The temple of Asclepios (Aesculapius). 
 
 ^ Fingers or hands of marble or metal were 
 
 common among the Athenians as votive 
 
 offerings. 
 
 42 
 
characters of Theophrastus 
 
 And he has his hair cut frequently. 
 His teeth are always pearly white. 
 While his old suit is still good, he 
 gets himself a new one ; and he 
 anoints himself with the choicest 
 perfumes. 
 
 In the agora he frequents the banker's 
 counters. If he visits the gym- 
 nasia, he selects those in which 
 the ephebi^ practise; and, when 
 there 's a play, the place he 
 chooses in the theatre is close 
 beside the generals. 
 
 He makes few purchases for himself, 
 but sends presents to his friends 
 at Byzantium, and Spartan dogs 
 to Cyzicus, and Hymettian honey 
 to Rhodes ; and when he does 
 these things, he tells it about the 
 town. Naturally, his taste runs 
 
 ^ Young men between eighteen and twenty years 
 of age, who were in training for the duties of 
 citizenship. 
 
 43 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 to pet monkeys, parrots, Sicilian 
 doves, gazelles* knuckle-bones, 
 Thurian jars, crooked canes from 
 Sparta, hangings inwrought with 
 Persian figures, a wrestling-ring 
 sprinkled with sand, and a tennis- 
 court. He goes around and offers 
 this arena to philosophers, soph- 
 ists, fighters, and musicians, for 
 their exhibitions ; and at the per- 
 formances he himself comes in 
 last of all, that the spectators 
 may say to one another, " That 's 
 the gentleman to whom the place 
 belongs.'* 
 
 And, of course, when he is a prytanis ^ 
 he demands of his colleagues the 
 privilege of announcing to the 
 people the result of the sacrifice ; 
 then putting on a fine garment 
 and a garland of flowers, he ad- 
 
 * One of the committee of fifty which, in rotation, 
 were charged with the administration of affairs 
 at Athens. 
 
 44 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 varices and says : " O men of 
 Athens, we prytanes have made 
 sacrifice to the mother of the 
 gods ; ^ the sacrifice is fair and 
 good. Receive ye each your por- 
 tion." When he has made this 
 announcement, he returns home 
 and tells his wife all about it in 
 an ecstasy of joy.^ 
 
 L Cybele. 
 
 '' A portion of Character XIX has been incorpo- 
 rated here, as belonging more fitly in this 
 connection. 
 
 45 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 XVI The Garrulous Man 
 
 G 
 
 ARRULITY Is incessant 
 heedless talk. Your garru- 
 lous man is one, for instance, 
 who sits down beside a stranger, 
 and after recounting the virtues 
 of his wife tells the dream he had 
 last night, and everything he 
 ate for supper. Then, if his 
 efforts seem to meet with favor, 
 he goes on to declare that the 
 present age is sadly degenerate, 
 says wheat is selling very low, 
 that hosts of strangers are in 
 town, and that since the Dionysia^ 
 the weather is good again for 
 shipping ; and that, if Zeus would 
 only send more rain, the crops 
 would be much heavier, and that 
 he 's proposing to have a farm 
 
 1 The festival of Dionysus. 
 
 46 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 himself next year ; and that life 's 
 a constant struggle, and that at 
 the Mysteries ^ Damippus set up 
 an enormous torch ;^ and tells how 
 many columns the Odeon has, 
 and " Yesterday,'' says he, " I had 
 an awful turn with my stomach," 
 and " What day 's to-day ? " and 
 " In Boedromion ^ come the Mys- 
 teries, and in Pyanopsion^ the 
 Apaturia, and in Poseideon^ the 
 country Dionysia,'* and so on ; 
 for, unless you refuse to listen, 
 he never stops. 
 
 The religious celebration held in honor of 
 
 Demeter (Ceres). 
 Ancient works of art often exhibit representations 
 
 of votive torches. They are usually depicted 
 
 as wound with serpents. 
 Various months of the Attic year. 
 
 47 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 XVII The Bore 
 
 (AaXta) 
 
 WE may define a bore as a 
 man who cannot refrain 
 from talking. A bore is 
 the sort of fellow who, the mo- 
 ment you open your mouth, tells 
 you that your remarks are idle, 
 that he knows all about it, and if 
 you *11 only listen, you *11 soon 
 find it out. As you attempt to 
 make answer, he suddenly breaks 
 in with such interruptions as : 
 " Don't forget what you were 
 about to say" — "That reminds 
 \ me" — "What an admirable thing 
 talk is ! " — " But, as I omitted to 
 mention " — " You grasp the idea 
 at once " — "I was watching this 
 long time to see whether you 
 would come to the same conclu- 
 sion as myself." In phrases like 
 this he 's so fertile that the person 
 48 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 , who happens to meet him cannot 
 even open his mouth to speak. 
 
 When he has vanquished a few stray- 
 victims here and there, his next 
 move is to advance upon whole 
 companies and put them to flight 
 in the midst of their occupations. 
 He goes upon the wrestling 
 ground or into the schools, and 
 prevents the boys from making 
 progress with their lessons, so 
 incessant is his talk with the 
 teachers and the wrestling-masters. 
 
 If you say you are going home, he 's 
 pretty sure to come along and 
 escort you to your house. 
 
 Whenever he learns the day set for 
 the session of the Assembly he 
 noises it diligently abroad, and 
 recalls Demosthenes*s famous bout 
 with Aeschines in the archon- 
 ship of Aristophon. He mentions, 
 too, his own humble effort on a 
 4 49 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 certain occasion, and the approval 
 which it won among the people. 
 As he rattles on he launches in- 
 vectives against the masses, in 
 such fashion that his audience 
 either becomes oblivious or begins 
 to doze, or else melts away in the 
 midst of his harangue. 
 
 When he 's on a jury he 's an ob- 
 stacle to reaching a verdict, when 
 he's in the theatre he prevents 
 attention to the play ; at a feast 
 he hinders eating, remarking that 
 silence is too much of an effort, 
 that his tongue is hung in the 
 middle, and that he could n't 
 keep still, even though he should 
 seem a worse chatterer than a 
 magpie ; and when he 's made a 
 butt by his own children, he sub- 
 mits, — when in their desire to 
 go to sleep they say, " Papa, tell 
 us something, in order that sleep 
 may come." 
 
 50 
 
characters of Theophrastus 
 
 XVIII The Rough 
 
 (^Attovolo) 
 
 ROUGHNESS is coarse con- 
 duct, whether in word or act. 
 The rough takes an oath 
 lightly and is insensible to insult 
 and ready to give it. In char- 
 acter he is a sort of town bully, 
 obscene in manner, ready for any- 
 thing and everything. He is 
 willing, sober and without a mask, 
 to dance the vulgar cordax^ in 
 comic chorus. At a show he goes 
 around from man to man and 
 collects the pennies, quarrelling 
 with the spectators who present 
 a pass and therefore insist on 
 seeing the performance free. 
 
 He is the sort of man to keep a 
 hostelry, ^ or brothel, or to farm 
 
 1 A lewd dance. 
 
 2 Inn-keepers were In ill-repute in antiquity. 
 
 51 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 the taxes. There is no business 
 he considers beneath him, but he 
 is ready to follow the trade of 
 crier, cook, or gambler. He does 
 \ not support his mother, is caught 
 at theft and spends more time 
 in jail than in his home. He is 
 the type of man who collects a 
 crowd of bystanders and ha- 
 rangues them in a loud brawling 
 voice ; while he is talking, some 
 are going and others coming, with- 
 out listening to him ; to one part 
 of the moving crowd he tells the 
 beginning of his story, to another 
 part a sketch of it, and to another 
 part a mere fragment. He regards 
 a holiday as the fittest time for the 
 full exhibition of his roughness. 
 
 He is a great figure in the courts 
 as plaintiff or defendant. Some- 
 times he excuses himself on oath 
 from trial but later he appears 
 with a bundle of papers in the 
 52 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 breast of his cloak, and a file of 
 documents in his hands. He en- 
 joys the role of generalissimo in 
 a band of rowdy loafers ; he lends 
 his followers money and on every 
 shilling collects a penny interest 
 per day. He visits the bake- 
 shops, the markets for fresh and 
 pickled fish, collects his tribute 
 from them, and stuffs it in his 
 cheek. 
 
 S3 
 
Characters of "Theophrastus 
 
 XIX The Affable Man 
 
 (^ApeaKeLo) 
 
 A 
 
 FFABILITY is a sort of 
 demeanor that gives pleas- 
 ure at the sacrifice of what 
 is best. The affable man is the 
 kind of person who hails a friend 
 at a distance, and after he has 
 told him what a fine fellow he is, 
 and has lavished brimming ad- 
 miration on him, seizes both his 
 hands, and is unwilling to let 
 him go. He escorts the friend a 
 step on his way, and as he asks 
 " When shall we meet again ? " 
 tears himself away with praises 
 still falling from his lips. 
 
 When summoned to court he wishes 
 to please not merely the man in 
 whose interest he appears, but his 
 adversary too, that he may seem 
 to be non-partisan ; and of stran- 
 54 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 gers he says that they pronounce 
 juster judgment than his towns- 
 men. If he's invited out to 
 dinner he asks his host to call in 
 the children, and when they come, 
 he declares they 're as like their 
 father as one fig is like another, 
 and he draws them toward him, 
 kisses them, and sets them by his 
 side. Sometimes he joins in their 
 sports, shouting " Strike ! " and 
 "Foul!"; and sometimes he lets 
 them go to sleep in his lap in 
 spite of the burden.-^ 
 
 1 The remainder of the Greek text of this char- 
 acter has been thought to belong more 
 properly with <<The Exquisite,'' No. XV. 
 
 55 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 XX "The Impudent Man 
 
 (BSeXvpca) 
 
 I 
 
 MPUDENCE is easy to define; 
 it is conduct that is obtrusively 
 offensive. The impudent man 
 is one who, on meeting respect- 
 able women in the street, insults 
 them as he passes. At a play, he 
 claps his hands after all the rest 
 have stopped, and hisses the play- 
 ers when others wish to watch in 
 silence. When the theatre is still, 
 he suddenly stands up and dis- 
 gorges, to make the audience look 
 around. When the market-place 
 is crowded, he steps up to the 
 stalls where nuts, myrtle-berries, 
 or fruits are for sale, and begins to 
 pick at them as he talks to the 
 merchant; he calls by name 
 people whom he does n't know, 
 and stops those intent upon some 
 errand. When a man has just 
 56 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 lost an important case and is now 
 leaving the court, he runs up and 
 tenders his congratulations. 
 
 He buys his own provisions,^ too, and 
 hires his own musicians, showing 
 his purchases to every man he 
 meets and inviting him to come 
 and share the feast. Again, he 
 takes his stand before a barber's 
 booth or a perfumer's stall, and 
 proclaims unblushingly his in- 
 tention of getting drunk. 
 
 1 To do one's own marketing was considered a 
 sign of niggardliness; hence such business 
 was ordinarily delegated to slaves. 
 
 57 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 XXI The Gross Man 
 
 G 
 
 ROSSNESS is such neglect 
 of one's person as gives of- 
 fence to others. The gross 
 man is one who goes about with 
 an eczema, or white eruption, or 
 diseased nails, and says that these 
 are congenital ailments ; for his 
 father had them, and his grand- 
 father, too, and it would be hard 
 — to foist an outsider upon their 
 family. He 's very apt to have 
 sores on his shins and bruises on 
 his toes, and to neglect these 
 things so that they grow worse. 
 
 His armpits are hairy like an an- 
 imal's for a long distance down 
 his sides ; his teeth are black and 
 decayed. As he eats, he blows 
 his nose with his fingers. As he 
 talks, he drools, and has no sooner 
 58 
 
characters of Theophrastus 
 
 drunk wine than up it comes. 
 After bathing he uses rancid oil 
 to anoint himself; and when he 
 goes to the market-place, he 
 wears a thick tunic and a thin 
 outer garment disfigured with 
 spots of dirt. 
 
 When his mother goes to consult 
 the soothsayer, he utters words 
 of evil omen ; and when people 
 pray and offer sacrifices to the gods 
 he lets the goblet fall, laughing 
 as though he had done something 
 amusing. When there 's playing 
 on the flute, he alone of the com- 
 pany claps his hands, singing an 
 accompaniment and upbraiding 
 the musician for stopping so soon. 
 
 Often he tries to spit across the 
 table, — only to miss the mark 
 and hit the butler. 
 
 59 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 XXII The Boor 
 
 QKripoiKia) 
 
 B 
 
 OORISHNESS is ignorance 
 of good form. The boor is 
 the sort of man who takes 
 a strong drink and then goes to 
 the Assembly. He insists that 
 myrrh has not a whit sweeter 
 smell than onions. His boots 
 are too big for his feet and he 
 talks in a loud voice. 
 
 He distrusts even friends and kins- 
 men, while his most important 
 secrets are shared with his do- 
 mestics, and he tells all the news 
 of the Assembly to his farm 
 hands. Nothing awakens his ad- 
 miration or startles him on the 
 streets so much as the sight of 
 an ox, an ass, or a goat, and then 
 he stands agape in contemplation.^ 
 
 ^ *' Hee is sensible of no calamitie but the burn- 
 ing of a stacke of come or the overflowing 
 60 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 He Is the sort of man who 
 snatches a bite from the pantry 
 and drinks his liquor straight. 
 
 He has clandestine talks with the 
 cook and helps her grind the meal 
 for his household. At breakfast 
 he throws bits to the animals 
 about the table. He answers the 
 knock at the door himself and 
 then whistles for his dog, takes 
 him by the nose, and says: 
 " Here 's the keeper of my house 
 and grounds ! " When a man 
 offers him a coin he declines it, 
 saying it is too worn, and takes 
 another piece in its stead. 
 
 After loaning a plough, basket, sickle, 
 or sack, he goes after it, unable 
 to sleep for thinking of it. When 
 he goes to town he inquires of 
 
 of a medow, and thinks Noah's flood the 
 greatest plague that ever was, not be- 
 cause it drowned the world, but spoyl'd the 
 grasse." Earle's Micro-cosmographiey " A 
 Plaine Country Fellow." 
 6i 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 any chance passer-by : " What 
 are hides selling for ? What 's 
 the price of bacon ? Does the 
 celebration of New Moon come 
 to-day ? " Then he remarks he 
 must go down street and have 
 his hair cut, and while in town 
 must also run into the shop of 
 Archias and buy the bacon. He 
 sings in the public baths and 
 wears hob-nailed boots. 
 
 62 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 XXI 1 1 The Penurious Man 
 
 (^A-vekevdepCa) 
 
 PENURIOUSNESS is the 
 grudging of expense and is 
 due to great love of money 
 and little love of honor. The 
 penurious man, after a victory on 
 the tragic stage, sets up a wooden 
 chaplet to Dionysus, on which he 
 inscribes his own name. If con- 
 tributions from the public are 
 asked for, he is silent or rises and 
 quits the company. When he 
 gives his daughter in marriage, he 
 sells the sacrificial oflFerings, ex- 
 cepting the parts that belong by 
 law to the priests. At the wed- 
 ding, he employs only servants 
 who will eat at home. 
 
 As trierarch ^ he takes the pilot's 
 blankets and spreads them on 
 
 1 Commander of a galley. 
 
 63 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 deck for himself, while he puts 
 his own away. He is the sort of 
 man who keeps his children from 
 school when a festival comes, and 
 makes excuses for them on the 
 plea of ill-health, that he may- 
 avoid the fee for tuition. 
 
 When he goes to market, he brings 
 the meat home with him, carry- 
 ing the vegetables in the folds of 
 his cloak. He stays indoors 
 when he sends his tunic to the 
 cleaner. If he catches sight of a 
 friend coming towards him and 
 soliciting contributions, he sneaks 
 off through a by-street and goes 
 home by a roundabout way. He 
 employs no maid for his wife, 
 although she brought him a 
 dowry, but hires a child from the 
 woman's market to accompany 
 her on her errands. 
 
 He keeps his patched shoes until they 
 are twice worn out, saying they 
 64 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 are still good, and tough as horn. 
 When he gets up, he dusts the 
 house and makes the beds, and 
 when he sits down he lays aside 
 the coat he is wearing in order 
 to spare it. 
 
 65 
 
Characters of "Theophrastus 
 
 XXIV The Pompous Man 
 
 POMPOUSNESS is contempt 
 for everybody save one's self. 
 If you have urgent business, 
 the pompous man will tell you 
 that he will meet you after dinner 
 on his walk. If he has done you a 
 favor, he reminds you of it. When 
 elected to office he declines, say- 
 ing under oath he has no leisure. 
 He is not disposed to make the 
 first call on anybody. Trades- 
 men and hired men he orders to 
 come to him by daybreak. 
 
 As he passes along the street, he does 
 not greet the men he meets ; he 
 lowers his eyes and when it suits 
 him raises them again. If he 
 entertains friends he does not dine 
 with them, but instructs some of 
 his underlings to attend to the 
 duties of entertainment. 
 66 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 He sends a messenger ahead when 
 he makes a call, to say that he 
 approaches. He allows no one 
 to enter while he is at his oil-rub, 
 his bath, or his dinner. When 
 he is casting an account, he in- 
 structs a slave to set down the 
 items, foot up the total, and ar- 
 range it in a statement for him. 
 He does not write in a letter: 
 " You would do me a favor," but 
 " I want this done," and " I have 
 sent for this and wish to have it," 
 and " See to it that my orders are 
 followed precisely," and " Have 
 this done immediately." 
 
 67 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 XXV The Braggart 
 
 (^ AXa^oveCd) 
 
 B 
 
 RAGGING is pretending to 
 have excellences that one 
 does not really possess. The 
 braggart is the man who stands 
 on the wharf and tells the by- 
 standers how much capital he 
 has invested in ships at sea, and 
 tells how extensive is his busi- 
 ness of loaning money, and how 
 much he has made and lost by 
 different ventures. As he talks 
 thus magnificently, he sends his 
 slave to his banker, where he has 
 — exactly one shilling to his 
 credit. On a journey he imposes 
 on his travelling companion by 
 telling him that he once served 
 with Alexander, and how intimate 
 were their relations, and how 
 many jewelled cups he brought 
 back from his campaigns. 
 68 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 As regards the Asiatic artists, he 
 counts them better than those in 
 Europe. And all this he tells 
 you without having once set foot 
 outside his native city. He claims 
 further to have three letters from 
 Antipater^ bidding him come to 
 Macedonia; but he declares that, 
 though he has been guaranteed the 
 privilege of exporting wood free 
 of duty, he has refused to go, sim- 
 ply to avoid being suspected by 
 his fellow-citizens of foreign lean- 
 ings. The Macedonians, he says, 
 in urging him so to come, ought 
 to have considered this point. 
 
 In time of famine, he says, his expen- 
 ditures for the poor amounted to 
 over five talents ; for he had n't the 
 heart to refuse. When he 's with 
 strangers, he often bids some one 
 place the reckoning counters on 
 
 1 A general of Alexander. Upon Alexander's 
 death he became king of Macedonia. 
 69 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 the table, and computing by six 
 hundreds and by minae, glibly 
 mentioning the names of his pre- 
 tended debtors, he makes a total of 
 twenty-four talents, saying that the 
 whole sum had gone for voluntary 
 contributions, and that, too, with- 
 out including subscriptions for the 
 navy or for other public objects. 
 
 At times he goes to the horse- 
 market where blooded stock is 
 for sale, and makes pretence of 
 wanting to buy ; and stepping 
 up to the block, he hunts 
 his clothes for two talents, up- 
 braiding his servant for com- 
 ing along without any money. 
 Though he lives in a rented 
 house, he represents it to those 
 who do not know as the family 
 homestead ; yet adds that he 
 thinks of selling it as being too 
 small for the proper entertain- 
 ment of his friends. 
 70 
 
o 
 
 Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 XXVI "The Oligarch 
 
 LIGARCHY IS a love of 
 power that clings tightly to 
 personal advantage. The 
 oligarch rises in the people's 
 councils, when assistants to the 
 archon are elected for the man- 
 agement of a fete, and says : 
 " These men must have absolute 
 control." And although others 
 have suggested ten, he insists 
 that one is enough, but he must 
 be a man. The only line of 
 Homer that stays in his memory 
 is : " A crowd's rule is bad ; let 
 there be one ruler." He knows 
 no other verse. He is, however, 
 an adept at such phrases as this : 
 "We must hold a caucus and 
 make our plans ; we must cut 
 loose from mob and market ; we 
 must throw aside the annoyance 
 71 
 
Characters of "Theophrastus 
 
 of petty office and of insult or 
 honor at the masses' whim ; we 
 or they must rule the state." 
 
 At midday he goes out with his 
 mantle thrown about him, his 
 hair dressed in the mode and his 
 nails fashionably trimmed ; he 
 promenades down Odeon Way 
 ejaculating : " Sycophants have 
 made the city no longer habit- 
 able. What outrages we endure 
 in court from our persecutors ! 
 Why men nowadays go into office, 
 is a marvel to me. How un- 
 grateful the mob is ! although 
 one is always giving, giving." 
 
 If, at the Assembly, a naked, 
 hungry vagabond sits next to 
 him, he complains of the out- 
 rage. "When," he asks, "is a 
 stop to be put to this ruin of 
 our property by taxation for fetes 
 and navy ? How odious is this 
 crew 'of demagogues ! The- 
 72 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 seus," he says, " was the fore- 
 front of all this offending, for 
 out of twelve cities, he brought 
 the masses into one, to overthrow 
 the monarchies. He met his 
 just reward, — he was the first 
 to fall a victim at their hands/' 
 This is the way he talks to for- 
 eigners and to citizens of his own 
 temper and party. 
 
 73 
 
characters of Theophrastus 
 
 XXVII The Backbiter 
 
 B 
 
 ACKBITING is a disposition^ 
 to vilify others. When 
 the backbiter is asked 
 " Who is so and so ?" he begins, 
 like the genealogists, with the 
 man's ancestry. " His father's 
 name was originally Sosias , ^ but 
 amongst the soldiers it became 
 Sosistratus, and upon registra- 
 tion in the deme, it was again 
 changed to Sosidemus. His 
 mother was a Thracian, — gentle 
 blood ! you see. At any rate this 
 jewel's name was Krinokoraka. 
 Women of that name are of gentle 
 blood in Thrace, so people say ! 
 
 ^ ** Scandal, like other virtues, is in part its own 
 reward, as it gives us the satisfaction of mak- 
 ing ourselves appear better than others, or 
 others no better than ourselves." Benj. 
 Franklin, Works, ed. Sparks, II., p. 540. 
 
 2 Apparently a slave's name. 
 74 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 The man himself, with an ancestry 
 like that, is a foul fellow fit for 
 the whipping-post." In a com- 
 pany where his companions are 
 maligning a man, he of course 
 takes up the attack and says : 
 " For my part I hate him of all 
 men. He is a bad character, as 
 one may see from his face, and 
 as for his meanness, it has no 
 parallel and here is a proof: His 
 wife brought him a dowry of 
 talents of money and yet after the 
 birth of their first child, he gave 
 her but three pence a day for 
 household expenses and forced 
 her to bathe in cold water on the 
 festival of Poseidon in mid- 
 winter." When he is seated 
 with a group, he loves to talk 
 about an acquaintance who has 
 just risen and gone, and his biting 
 tongue does not spare even the 
 man's kinsfolk. Of his own rela- 
 tives and friends, he says the 
 75 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 vilest things and even maligns 
 the dead. Backbiting is what he 
 calls frankness of speech, democ- 
 racy, and freedom ; and there is 
 nothing he enjoys so much. 
 
 76 
 
A 
 
 Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 XXVIII The Avaricious 
 Man 
 
 VARICE Is greedy love of 
 gain. When the avaricious 
 man gives a dinner, he puts 
 scant allowance of bread on the 
 table. He borrows money of a 
 stranger who is lodging with him. 
 When he distributes the portions 
 at table, he says it is fair for the 
 laborer to receive double and 
 straightway loads his own plate. 
 He engages in wine traffic, and 
 sells adulterated liquors even to 
 his friend. He goes to the show 
 and takes his children with him, 
 on the days when spectators are 
 admitted to the galleries free. 
 When he is the people*s delegate, 
 he leaves at home the money pro- 
 vided by the city, and borrows 
 from his fellow commissioners. 
 77 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 He loads more luggage on his 
 porter than the man can carry, 
 and provides him with the 
 smallest rations of any man in 
 the party. When presents are 
 given the delegates by foreign 
 courts, he demands his share at 
 once, and sells it. At the bath 
 he says the oil brought him is 
 bad, and shouts : " Boy, the oil 
 is rancid ; '* and in its stead takes 
 what belongs to another. If his 
 servants find money on the high- 
 way, he demands a share of it, 
 saying : " Luck's gifts are com- 
 mon property.'* When he sends 
 his cloak to be cleaned, he bor- 
 rows another from an acquain- 
 tance and keeps it until it is 
 asked for. He also does this 
 sort of thing : he uses King Fru- 
 gal's measure with the bottom 
 dented in, for doling out supplies 
 to his household and then se- 
 cretly brushes off the top. He 
 78 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 sells underweight even to his 
 friend, who thinks he is buying 
 according to market standard. 
 
 When he pays a debt of thirty 
 pounds, he does so with a dis- 
 count of four shillings. When, 
 owing to sickness, his children 
 are not at school the entire month, 
 he deducts a proportionate 
 amount from the teacher's pay ; 
 and during the month of Anthes- 
 terion he does not send them to 
 their studies at all, on account of 
 the frequent shows, and so he 
 avoids tuition fees. If he re- 
 ceives coppers from a slave who 
 has been serving out, he demands 
 in addition the exchange value 
 of silver. When he gets a state- 
 ment from the deme's^ adminis- 
 trator, he demands provision for 
 his slaves at public cost. 
 
 1 The deme was a local division. 
 79 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 He makes note of the half- radishes 
 left on the table, to keep the 
 servants from taking them. If 
 he goes abroad with friends, he 
 uses their servants and hires his 
 own out; yet he does not con- 
 tribute to the common fund the 
 money thus received. When 
 others combine with him to give 
 a banquet at his house, he se- 
 cretly includes in his account the 
 wood, figs, vinegar, salt, and 
 lamp-oil, — trifles furnished from 
 his supplies. If a marriage is 
 announced in a friend's family, 
 he goes away a little beforehand, 
 to avoid sending a wedding pres- 
 ent. He borrows of friends 
 such articles as they would not 
 ask to have returned, or such as, 
 if returned, they would not read- 
 ily accept. 
 
 80 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 XXIX The Late Learner 
 
 THE late learner has a fond- 
 ness for study late in life. 
 He commits whole passages 
 of poetry to memory when sixty 
 years of age ; but when he essays 
 to quote them at a banquet his 
 memory trips. From his son, 
 he learns " Forward march ! " 
 " Shoulder arms ! " " 'Bout face ! " 
 At the feast of heroes he 
 pits himself against the boys 
 in the torch-race ; and of course 
 when he is invited to the 
 temple of Hercules, he throws 
 aside his mantle, and makes 
 ready to lift the steer, that he 
 may bend back its neck. He 
 goes to the wrestling-grounds 
 and joins in the matches. 
 6 8i 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 At the shows he stays one perform- 
 ance after another until he has 
 learned the songs by heart. If 
 he is dedicated to Sabazius, he is 
 eager to be declared the fairest ; 
 if he falls in love with some dam- 
 sel, he makes an onset on her 
 door, only to be assaulted by a 
 rival and hauled before the court. 
 He makes a trip to the country 
 on a mare he has never before 
 ridden, and, essaying feats of 
 horsemanship on the road, he 
 falls and breaks his head. 
 
 He joins a boys* club too, and en- 
 tertains the members at his house ; 
 he plays " ducks and drakes " 
 with his servant, and competes 
 at archery and javelin-throwing 
 with his children's tutor, and he 
 expects the tutor, as though ig- 
 norant of these sports, to learn 
 them from him. He wrestles at 
 the baths, turning a bench nimbly 
 82 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 about to create the impression 
 that he has been well trained in 
 the art ; and if women happen to 
 be standing near, he trips a dance, 
 whistling his own music. 
 
 S3 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 XXX The Vicious Man 
 
 {^LXoTTOvrjpia) 
 
 V 
 
 ICIOUSNESS is love of 
 what is bad. The vicious 
 man is one who associates 
 with men convicted in public 
 suits, and who assumes that, if 
 he makes friends of these fellows, 
 he will gain in knowledge of the 
 world, and so will be more feared. 
 
 Of upright men, he declares that 
 no one is by nature upright, 
 but that all men are alike, and 
 he even reproaches the man 
 who is honorable. The bad 
 man, he asserts, is free from 
 prejudice, if one will but make 
 the trial, and, while in some 
 respects he admits that men speak 
 truly of such a man, in others 
 he refuses to allow it. " For,'* 
 says he, " the fellow is clever, 
 84 
 
Characters of Theophrastus 
 
 companionable, and a gentleman;" 
 in fact, he maintains that he never 
 met so talented a person. He 
 supports him, therefore, when he 
 speaks in the assembly or is de- 
 fendant in court, and to those 
 sitting in judgment he 's apt to 
 say that one must judge not the 
 man, but the facts ; and he de- 
 clares that his friend is the very 
 watch-dog of the people, " for he 
 watches out for evil-doers " ; and 
 he adds : " We shall no longer 
 have men to burden themselves 
 with a care for the common weal, 
 if we abandon men like him." 
 
 It's the vicious man's way to 
 constitute himself the patron of 
 all worthless scamps and to sup- 
 port them before the court in des- 
 perate cases ; and, when he passes 
 judgment, he puts the worst con- 
 struction on the arguments of 
 the opposing counsel. 
 
 85 
 
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