A A 7 7 7 7 9 7 =^ B n ■ e ■ 1 ■ — ^° 1 > 1 ^ 1 4 1 > 1 n 1 : THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES /r+* ^ ft /-PI n+ #***&£ /c*+w+x /Z./lYTt /?* % V ■ SONGS AND OCCASIONAL POEMS, BY CAPTAIN HALL. SONGS OCCJLSIOJV^lL POEMS, ON VARIOUS SUBJECTS. CAPTAIN HALL, OF THE INDIAN ARMY. SECOND EDITION. ** Quid nos nocebit ientare ?" LONDON : Printed for Black and Co., Booksellers to the Honourable East-India Company, Lcadenhall SJtreet. 1815. Printed by Cox and Baylis, Great Queen Street, Lincoln's-Inn-Fieldi. ./^///////////////////////// TO HIS EXCELLENCY /S?J<~ THE RIGHT HONOURABLE FRANCIS EARL OF MOIRA, K.G. GOVERNOR-GENERAL AND COMMANDER- IN-CHIEF OF BRITISH INDIA, tyc. Sfc. Sfc. MY LORD, In submitting the following pages to public inspection under the sanction of your Lord- ship's name, I have reason to feel at once both pride and humility ; pride, that the volume should be introduced under such illustrious patronage, and humility, that the character and execution of the work should so little merit it. a 3 858811 DEDICATION. Sensible, indeed, of its humble pretensions, I should not heme presumed to dedicate it to your Lordship, had I not possessed a confident hope, that your Lordship's well known kindness and condescension would induce you to overlook, in the motives of tlw Author, the defects of his per- formance. I have the honour to be, With every possible respect, My Lord, Your Lordship's Most obedient humble servant, THE AUTHOR. Calcutta, March, 1814. PREFACE. Conscious as the author is, of the many errors and imperfections of the following pages, it would indeed be presumption in him to offer them to public inspection, without attempting in some degree to palliate, or at least account for such intrusion. The poems, if they are entitled to the name, were not originally intended to meet the public eye, but merely for the perusal of the circle of the author's acquaintance ; having, however, gradually increased sufficiently to form a small volume, he has, in compliance with the flatter- ing solicitation of several friends, submitted fill PREFACE. them to more general inspection; trusting to the candour and liberality of his readers, not to criticise too severely, the first effort of his Muse. Several of them were written during a voyage to the East, and the pleasing reception they met with from the passengers and officers on board the ship in which he sailed, has certainly been no small inducement to his publishing them. Another reason for putting them in print, was the numerous applications he received for copies of " The Recommendation," and other songs ; but which, though very gratifying to his feelings, from their length, he was often unable to comply with. He has already, in the introduction to " The Recommendation," adverted to the possibility PREFACE. IX of particular allusions being considered as per- sonal ; he will not say " qui capit ille facit" but assure his readers, that his sole object in the composition, was to endeavour to point out in true colours, the absurdity of nurturing expectations which never can be realized, and which can only tend to ultimate disappoint- ment and vexation. The song of " Three Regiments more," was written at a period, when every military man on the Bengal Establishment, had already pro- moted himself- in his own imagination, to supe- rior rank ; when every post echoed the fasci- nating, though erroneous intelligence, that three new Regiments were immediately to be raised, and when the disappointments were commen- surate to the unauthorized reports. Would they had been true, for the sake of a brave and enterprizing army, who have long continued to deserve the approbation and applause of their PREFACE. » **************** country ! The author trusts the period is arrived, when their individual and collective merits will be duly appreciated; and when honourable zeal, and active exertion, to support the glory, and increase the prosperity of that country, will no longer be permitted to pass unnoticed, but become the certain path to patronage and protection ! The author confesses that some of the ideas in the lines on William Oliver, were gleaned from a prosaic description of the occurrence, which he met with many years since. He is not conscious, however, of any other plagiarism : though it certainly behoves him to speak with caution ; assured how difficult it must ever be to avoid the error ; particularly to those accustomed to peruse various poetical works. A most eloquent writer beautifully remarks, " that faded ideas float in the fancy like half- " forgotten dreams; and the imagination, in PREFACE. XI u its fullest enjoyment, becomes suspicious u of its offspring, and doubts whether it has " created or adopted." With every possible respect for the female part of his readers, the author begs to assure them, that no recompence can ever be half so gratifying, or one which he is so ambitious to obtain, as their approbation. Many of the poems are addressed to them, and if he has in the smallest degree succeeded in offering a "just tribute to the numerous vir- tues and perfections of the sex, it must ever afford him the most lively satisfaction. The author hopes that although the volume may not be entitled to any merit, it may still afford some amusement to the reader ; and by exacting an occasional smile, dispel the gloom, which this ungenial climate, and a long and Xll PREFACE. painful separation from our native country and friends, but too often produces, even on the most philosophic minds! Begging to apologize, for having trespassed so long on the patience of his readers, he now, with every possible deference, commits the vo- lume to its fate ! " Cantantes minus via Ucdit." .•.^s^,/^#«*^/^/^/^/^r^*^^./^*^^*#^***^/^/^/^^^*^^^^ CONTENTS. Page The Recommendation or Cadet's Progress 1 TheRose 18 Three Regiments more .* 21 Song, Tune, ** Pray, Goody" .. .. » 27 Tom Halyard 29 To-morrow k . 34 Impromptu 36 Parody on " Roy's Wife of Aldevallach" 37 Lines on William Oliver, killed in Action on board a Frigate .. 40 Extempore, " Away, ye Reformers, your Time don't be wasting" 48 Extempore on a married Man, being about to make a Will 50 Epigram ., ibid. Song on the late Right Honourable Lprd Lake 51 Saturday Night at Sea, or Sweethearts and Wives . . 54 b XIV CONTENTS. Vain are the Sighs which from my Bosom steal 57 Reply to a Commandant who was on had Terms with his Officers, and who always gave bad Wine at his Table. . 59 Parody on " a Smile to a Tear " 60 The Manoeuvres '. .. 62 Friendship, then Love # 67 Lines from a Gentleman entrusted with a Kiss . . .« 69 Acrostic 70 To Sophia . . ibid. Acrostic 71 On Atheism v ibid. Parting from Emma . , 72 The Frenchman in Jeopardy 74 The Broom-makers, Extempore 76 Song, " How long must all Europe be destined to groan " 77 Epigram, on a Gentlemau captivated with a Lady, who sent him a Water-Melon 80 Reply to a Lady at a Party, observing how strange it was, that the Names of all who surrounded her, began with B 81 Epigram on a Person complaining that some one had taken his Character away . . . ibid. Address on opening the new Calcutta Theatre . . . . 82 Epigram on a Lawyer 85 CONTENTS. XV Page Lines addressed to a Lady by her Lover whom she had de- sired to forget her 85 Farewell address by an Officer 86 Epitaph on an honest Man ,. ..ibid. Impromptu, on a Party disputing which was the most ex- pressire Language • . • 87 Acrostic, the Kiss • ibid. The Don Cossack and Captain Bock . . 88 Epigram on a Sailor, threatened with a dozen Lashes .. . 98 TheGale 99 The French Emigre 105 Opening the Trade 109 Lines to a Lady who said, " she would live always in a Garden" » 123 Song, written for, and sung at the Moira Lodge, (Cal- cutta) 125 Anacreontic, Tune, " when Time, which steals our Years away". 128 Lines to Rosa 131 Lines by a Lover, to his Mistress, on hearing she was given over . , 133 The Rose eclipsed 135 Far from Home 136 Fair Jesse 138 b2 XVI CONTENTS. Page Lines from a Lover to his Mistress .. .. ..' ,. .. 140 Advice to susceptible Hearts 141 Impromptu on a Lady observing it was dark ibid. On an Actor 142 Impromptu on two Doctors disputing ibid. Virtue betrayed.. .... .. 143 Pity the Sorrows of a Wretch forlorn. .. 171 The Pleasures of a Voyage to India 145 On a Lady asking her Lover why he lived alone ? 159 Lines by a neglected Lover 160 Lines to a young Lady, boasting of her Roses and Tulips. . 161 Returning to England 162 Impromptu 164 To Julia .. ibid. Parody^ on " Pity the Sorrows of a poor Old Man " . 165 MyHookah 167 The Joys of the Hookah 163 The Pains of the Hookah 172 Epigram on a Lady informing her Lover she had refused six offers of Marriage ■ .. .. 176 TheKey ibid. Advice to Julia on Dress •• • 177 Reply of a Countryman, when asked why he was not af- fected, with the Sermon.. .. .. 178 CONTENTS. XVU **++**++++++*■+***■***+*■**■+++*+* Page Adieu, plaisirs cT Amour .. .. . . 178 Reply by a Gentleman to a Lady who was displeased at his looking at her 179 The Tear 180 On a Tradesman putting up a Transparency 181 A bad Pun ..ibid* r*r+r*r++*r++*+++r>+*+*+* OCCASIONAL POEMS. ARM A VIRUMQUE CANO. Arms and the Man I — but soft, I'm wrong, For what's the man without the song ? No favours for himself he woos, But asks them merely for his Muse ! Arms and the Muse ! alike they yield, The produce of the laurel field, And fruitless both, their laurel bow'rs Are fram'd alone of leaves and flow'rs. Arms and the Muse ! alike they give* The noblest impulses that live, The heart's best attributes inspire, And rouse, in earthly frames, etherial fire ! ■****■+++ *^* ++*r #•rf^^y^*^^ / THE RECOMMENDATION j OR, cadet's progress. 1 hope it is not necessary to put on a grave face and tell the world, that the Recommendation is not a Libel against Indian Hospitality, or that the author, in any part of it, alludes, directly or indi- rectly, to any individual in this never-to-be-half- enough-admired metropolis. But there is no know- ing beforehand, with any degree of certainty, what is necessary and what is unnecessary, and therefore it is prudent to be provided against accidents. Be it therefore known to all grave and sober cynics, of tender hearts but choleric habits, whom harmony cannot harmonise, nor ryhme bring to reason, that by the Cadet's Progress is simply THE RECOMMENDATION. meant the Progress of a Cadet, from Leadenhall street or any other street, to his namesake, Cadet Flouest's,* or some such hospitable mansion in this Mega Thauma of cities, Calcutta ; with a loving letter of Recommendation in his red pocket-book, procured for him by his grandmother's ninth cousin, from a distant branch of a worthy family in the Ork- neys, who was connected by lineal consanguinity with a certain John Stiles, in the East-Indies ; alias Brigadier General perhaps — Tomkins ! Civil or Mili- tary ad libitum, and his son, grandson, great grand- son, and so downwards, in a direct descending line, ad infinitum .—that by such letter of Recommen- dation, and a letter of credit on Messrs. A. B. C. and Co. for 150 Sicca Rupees (equal to j£18. 15s. sterling money of Great Britain), payable 40 days after sight, he becomes puffed up with certain airy notions, which plain raeu term worldly Vanity, calls the Natives Soors, (Anglice Pigs !) ; perambulates the streets in the sun, to evince his magnanimity ; considers every house his home and every thing Indian homely;-— and then, in a fit of bile and banter, passion and * See the Notes at the en *• See the Notes at the end of the Volume. 26 THREE REGIMENTS MORE. 14. The General politely declar'd with a laugh, He cared not a straw so he got on the Staff', He flatter'd himself he'd commanded before, And perhaps, might get hold of the "Three Regiments more." CHORUS. Three Regiments more. 15. Thus each, his fate settled, of wine takes a fill, And drinks to promotion, with hearty good will; At morn, oh but picture the terrible bore ! They find " all a hum " about " Three Regiments more." CHORUS. Three Regiments more. ( 29 ) TOM HALYARD. Written at sea, on the melancholy fate of a British Tar, who fell when reefing the sail from the fore top-sail yard of an Indiaman and perished ; notwithstanding the greatest exertions were made by his messmates to save him. Tom Halyard was no less the joy of the crew, than the admiration of every one on board, possessing every quality to constitute a true sailor ; and though destined to fill an humble capacity on board, the Author trusts, a recital of the event, will not be considered unworthy the perusal of his readers. "J British Tar is England's bulwark ! England s glory t'\ d 3 tO TOM HALYAED. 1. Tom Halyard was a Sailor bold, Nor cared how hard it blew. Quick on the yard, tho' piercing cold, To reef the sails he flew j When rock'd upon the raging main, He still undaunted sat ; Of danger he would ne'er complain, He never dreamt of that. 2. The many virtues he possessed Endeared him to the crew ; By ev'ry Tar was he caressed, For all, his virtues knew : To meet each danger, each alarm, Tom Halyard quickly hied, He was to every one a charm ! To every one a guide! TGM HALYAHD. 31 3. When off his watch, like other men, In turn he'd crack his joke, Prepare his much lov'd quid, and then, Would chew it, as he spoke : To drink his grog full well he knew, But always kept in mind, To toast the health of Mary, too, The girl he'd left behind. 4. Each gallant messmate e'er adrmr'd That courage he could boast ; In danger it each Tar inspired, x „ . then it shone the most : The wind might roar and billows foam, Tom never was appall'd, He felt he always was at home, Wherever duty called. 32 TOM HALYARD. 5. And now round Afric's coast they steer, And spread the swelling sail, When suddenly the clouds appear To tell th' approaching gale. Aloft the sailors quickly go To make the rigging fast, To send top-gallant masts below, Preparing for the blast. But ere th' unruly sail is furl'd, The canvass rent in twain, A cruel gust impetuous hurl'd Tom Halyard in the main. When quickly down the boat is lower'd, Their dearest friend to save ; Alas ! too soon his strength's o'erpower'd, He sinks beneath the wave ! TOM HALYAED. 33 Still all, on pleasing hope rely, Yet anxiously await, For not a seaman's cheek is dry, While thinking oh his fate ; When lo ! the boat at length returns, No trace of him they find ; And ev'ry heart with anguish burns, To leave poor Tom behind. 8. Below they go, with tears bedew The tankard to the brim ; While ev'ry thing of Tom's they view, Reminds them but of him : No chu/^e of scene their woes relieve, For many a day to come, Full many a lonely hour they grieve. Their friend, and messmate Tom ! ( 34 ) TO-MORROW. l. This life is no more than a dream, A period from nature we borrow, To-day with full lustre we beam, To be blighted, alas, by to-morrow ! 2. Let's banish each care far away,,.? And chase from our hearts ev'ry sorrow j Drink deep of life's pleasures to-day, Lest the cup be dried up by to-morrow ! *-+++***■***+** TO-MORROW. 35 3. Though time with rapidity flies, We'll think of eternity never, Joy alone shall illumine our eyes, Tho* darken'd to-morrow for ever ! 4. Away then, thou baneful controul, All alloy from our transport we'll sever; While the dictates which flow from the soul, On our hearts shall be printed for ever. ( 36 ) ■/ +r + * *■* >#V%*sAA#\*./ * IMPROMPTU, ON A Gentleman requesting of a servant, that he might sit down by the fire, till his master and mistress (who who were both out) should return. i( What, master and mistress gone out?" — " Indeed," replies John, " Sir, 'tis true $" — " I'll wait, and sit down by the fire :" — u You can't, Sir, for that's gone out too." ( 37 ) i^vsA#Nrv^s/'.^s/^*^v^.*%r^*s#s/-.*Nr^N/^rs*^*^/^^^ PARODY ON " ROYS WIFE OF ALDIVALLOCH." 1. Faithless Pat of Londonderry, Cruel Pat of Londonderry, How shamefully he treated me, When we were at the fair of Kerry. He vow'd, he swore, to marry me, He said he lov'd me hest of any j And then got splk'd to Moll M'Ghee, A girl not worth a single penny ! Faithless Pat of Londonderry, &c. 38 PARODY ON ROYS WIFE. Yet still he was a youth divine., And well cou'd dance, this Irish laddy ; How happy I, had Pat been mine, And I'd beeu call'd sweet Mistress Paddy. Faithless Pat of Londonderry, &c His cheeks so red, so round his head, His whiskers, too, so thick and turfy; I wish that Poll M'Ghee were dead, She could na then have stole my Murphy. Cruel Pat of Londonderry, &c. Oh you have broke my heart, dear Pat, Ah why, for Miss M'Ghee forsake me ! I'd been thy deary, but for that ; Ah Moll M'Ghee, the D-v-l take ye. Faithless Pat of Londonderry, &c. PARODY ON ROYS WIFE. 39 5. Yes, you have set my heart oa fire, I tell you, Pat, my mind quite freely ; For spite, I'll marry Pat M'Guire, I'm sure he'll treat me more genteely. Cruel Pat of Londonderry, &c. £ 2 ( 40 ) LINES ON WILLIAM OLIVER, Who having been pressed from his wife and family, felt on board an English ship in the moment of victory, in an action with a French frigate. On the enemy's ship being brought into port, his wife hastened on board to embrace her husband; but hearing suddenly of his death, she became frantic with grief, and wildly looking round, plunged head' long into the sea, to seek her husband's corpse ! 1. Now, as the pressgang hurried him away, With breaking heart, he bade his wife adieu, Left her to rue the inauspicious day, When all she lov'd was taken from her view. THE DEATH OF WILLIAM OLIVER. 41 2. Immers'd in tears, she left the fatal spot, For one replete with happiness before ; But now, alas ! how chang'd her humble cot, Where joy had reign'd, joy was to reign no more. 3. Ev'n those who once, of all, could cheer the most, Her infant babes, with all their artless charms, Too well reminded her of him she'd lost, Of that protector, wrested from her arms. 4. By care surrounded and o'ercome by grief, She sat her down within her sad retreat, And looking round in vain to find relief, In fault'ring accents, thus bemoan'd her fatc» d 3 42 THE DEATH OP WILLIAM OLIVER. 5. ff From all I love, my William, forc'd to part, REPLY TO ^ Commandant, who was on bad terms with his Officers, and who always gave bad wine at his table. When of thy parties we refus'd to be, And all thy invitations dar'd decline, 'T was not at all from our dislike to thee; It was, because we did not like thy Wine! ( 60 ) +*+**+******■ +*>+^**++r++'+s^r*^****'S PARODY " A SMILE TO A TEAR." 1. Said ajlea to a bug, Whom he met in a rug, Which cover'd a bed in cold weather : In sooth, Mr. Bug, We are both very snug $ Bat how hopp'd we both here together ? 2. I came in the night, In a sad hungry plight, To feast on yon daughter of sorrow ; And I, said the flea, Am delighted to see, That there's food for us loth till to-morrow ! ON A SMILE TO A TEAR. 61 3. Then oh ! says the bug, Sweet flea, let us hug, We're twins, and old Scratch is our mother ; And how charming to know, As we hop to and fro, That they can't catch the one or the otlier ! ( 62 ) THE MANOEUVRES. 1. The Doctor he manoeuvres you, with pill and with potion, And often he adds fuel to intestine commotion ; Your system thus derang'd, gets into such a pother, The diaphragm and spleen, manoeuvre one another ! 2. The Parson who endeavours, at each convenient crisis, To prove that love of money, produces many vices ; While strenuously preaching, against the love of pelf, Manoeuvres for his tythes, without remorse himself! THE MANOEUVRES. 63 3. The Lawyer most impartial, for either party pleading, Wou'd have his client think, he's certain of succeeding ; Tho' when his cause comes on, at last, to be disputed, He finds he's out-manoeuver'd, and after all nonsuited. The Bailiff, who perhaps may be, a civil kind of man, Manoeuvres with his capias, t'arrest you if he can, He'll boast of British liberty, our justice, and our laws, You wont find much of either, if once within his claws ! 5. The Minister manoeuvres you, with subsidies and taxes, And not a single session, from his budgetting relaxes ; While Opposition rant and rave, to prove it is a sin, Yet do the very same themselves, whenever they get in ! g 2 64 THE MANCEUVRES. The Ensign cannot even, resist the great temptation, To manoeuvre the battalion, tho' lowest in his station, Tho' certainly improbable, that he shou'd well know how, With the air of a Field Marshal ! makes 'em cuddum koob outou* 7. Lieutenants, in their turn, tho' unwilling to explore, Dundas's long manoeuvres, declare the book's a bore ; Yet when the Captain's off, they feel their power begin, Manomvre the poor Ensigns, and make the Subs fall in. 8. The Captain, who but t'other day, himself was but a Sub, And who has pretty often, been favoured with a rub, Manoeuvres all below him, without the smallest pain, And thanks his stars he cannot be, a Subaltern again \ * Vide the Notes at the cud of the Volume. THE MANOEUVRES. 9. The Major of the reg'ment, to whom we next refer, Oft makes the Captain feel, the sharpness of his spur ! While the Colonel next appears, who often for a whim, When happening to be bilious, in turn manoeuvres him. 10. The Colonel not secure, from the pains of martial law, Looks up to his superiors, with deference and awe ; With all his ruse de guerre, it often proves his fate, To share with his companions, the pleasing chocolate !* 11. The General, who has oft' enough, maneeuvfd in his life, Though tired with age and service, of military strife, Still true indeed it is, that it happens now and then, That he's himself manoeuvr'd, the same as other men. g 3 * Vide the Notes at the end of the Volume. 66 THE MANCEUVRE9. 12. Commanders in Chief, may those who fill the station, Be zealous to encrease, the glory of the nation ! Oh may they thrash our foes, whenever they may meet 'em, Like Wellington manoeuvre 'em, like Wellington defeat ( V ) FRIENDSHIP, THEN LOVE. At first it was friendship, dear Susan, I own, For with no other passion I strove, The milder sensation of friendship is flown, And it's place is succeeded by love ! ] knew not what dangers encompass'd my heart, Till I gazed on thy beauty, sweet maid ! I felt not those pangs you so keenly impart, Till thy charms, T incautious surveyed. 68 FRIENDSHIP, THEN LOVE. How near to our pleasures, our miseries lie, Which yield us so quickly to sorrow, As the flow'r, so enchanting to-day, to the eye, May be destin'd to fade by to-morrow ! 4. Yet say not dear woman, 'tis useless to love, When its joys we're forbidden to share, Tho' vain our endeavours, t'obtain them may prove, Hope keeps us at least from despair ! ( 69 ) LINES Addressed by a Gentleman to a Lady, by whose Sister he had been entrusted with a Kiss for her, on his arrival in India. Oh that I'd never, never been Entrusted with such bliss ! I had not suffer'd pangs so keen, When parting with the Kiss ! How can I e'er resign, sweet maid, Such dear delight as this ? When deep within my heart is laid The sweet ecstatic Kiss ! Yet ah! I ought not to repiue, At yielding up the bliss, When on such heav'nly lips as thine, I may repay the Kiss ! ( 70 ) ACROSTIC. Wh ere can you such true beauty find ? Each charm and virtue's here combin'd ! Rich! in the grand attractive art, To charm the soul, and win the heart ; Ah ! let my muse in brighest lays, Rejoice to speak in fVertar's praise ! SOPHIA. Sweetest of women, fairest of the fair, Oh how transcendant all thy virtues are, Possessed of charms enchanting and divine ; Heaven's sweetest model, Nature's best design, In thee I trace, each virtue to adorn, And find at last, a Rose without a thorn ! ( 71 ) ACROSTIC Sweet maid, when on thy form 1 gaze, Oh how this heart would speak thy praise ! Past all compare, thy virtues prove, How can I look, and still not love? If 'tis a crime, such heav'nly charms t'adore } Ah let me sin, and sinning love thee more ! ON ATHEISM. The fool may refuse to believe, And Scriptural truth may deny, An Atheist, venture to live ; But will never an Atheist die ! ( n ) PARTING FROM EMMA. When I parted from Emma, I look'd for a tear, And expected a sigh of despondence to hear j How keen my emotion, when nothing appear'd, Bespeaking regret, for the man she revered! But ah ! when I ventured t' express my surprize, The tears of distress, quickly gush'd from her eyes ; With anguish she answer' cl, " can parting e'er prove, *' A source of delight, to those destined to love ?" FARTING FROM EMMA. 73 3. What tho' I endeavoured, my pangs to suppress, That the man I so lov'd, might experience the less ; When you look'd on these eyes, and found apathy there, 'Twas the sources of grief were absorb'd by despair ! Then wound not your Emma by doubts so unkind, Nor judge of her heart, by the strength of her raindj Who nerv'd by affection, her sighs could, controul, Tho' sorrow's keen dart was transfix' d in her soul. ( 74 ) THE FRENCHMAN IN JEOPARDY I. A Frenchman, who once with hunger was press'd, From a shop stole a shoulder of mutton, He tried to conceal the meat under his vest, But his coat he neglected to button ; His coat being short, and the joint being long, Suspicion so quick had arisen, That Constables came in a terrible throng, And took off Monsieur to the prison ! THE FRENCHMAN IN JEOPARDY. 75 2. The Court being set to consider the case, Found him guilty of stealing the mutton, And said, for the world, they'd not be in his place, Who was prov'd both a rogue and a glutton ! They order'd him flogging, and fined him beside ; And the Judge such an awful face put on ! That the Frenchman, alarm'd at the sentence, replied, " I would much rather pay for de mutton." h 2 ( 76 ) THE BROOM-MAKERS. Says Jack to friend Thomas, "how do you contrire, " To sell brooms so cheap, and yet profit deiive ? " I sell mine for two-pence, and I steal the wood, " Yet you sell them cheaper, and make 'em as good." To m quickly replies, " what you say Jack is true, " I'll tell you the way, that I under-sell you, " Tho' you steal the wood, still the work must be paid, " The brooms which I'm selling, I steal ready made /" ( 77 ) SONG. THE CORSICAN TYRANT. Tune. — " The Prince and Old England for Ever:' 1. How long must all Europe be destin'd to groan, And droop 'neath the Corsican's sway ? How long shall the Despot, on tyranny's throne The ensign of warfare display ? 'Tis England alone, bis ambition can stem, Britannia must e'er rule the waves ! Forbid it oh Fate, that we ever like them, Be chang'd from true freemen to slaves ! CHORUS. Then push round the bottle, our cares let's beguile, Ana drink to our country and laws, And prove, that tho' distant from England's blest Isle, We are equally firm in her cause. h 3 THE CORSICAN TYRANT. 2. His ambition, no conquest can ever allay, Could the world to the Tyrant submit, He'd sigh for more nations, to yield to his sway, On which his destruction might sit j No sooner to myriads resistance proves vain, Than the monarch's depriv'd of his throne, The diadem seiz'd from the Prince who should reign, And unblushingly hail'd as his own ! CHORUS. Then push round the bottle, &c. 3. Ah ! soon may the long wished for era arrive, When the pow'r of the Tyrant shall cease ; When war shall no longer continue to thrive, But be ehang'd for perpetual peace ! Then England, the proudest of laurels shall own, Admir'd by each power far and wide, Who struggled not merely for England alone, But for all other nations beside ! CHORUS. Then push round the bottle, &c. THE CORSICAN TYRANT. 79 4. It matters not Soldiers, wherever you serve, The cause you support is the same, Then ne'er from allegiance be tempted to swerve, And the title of Britons disclaim ! While in honour's blest path we continue to move, What enemies need we to fear ? Inspir'd in the cause of our country, we'll prove That no tyrant can ever come here !* CHORUS. Then push round the bottle, &c. * See the Notes at the end of the Volume. ( 80 ) EPIGRAM A Gentleman being captivated with a Lady, who sent him a Water-Melon. Who would have thought, a melon could impart, Such heav'nly warmth to this distracted heart ? That its effects should act by contrary rule, And warm that blood, which it was meant to cool ! IMPROMPTU ON A Gentleman shedding tears, who had never been known to weep before. Why weep my friend or thus dejected be? Unless thy tears are novelty to thee : Restrain thy grief, thy wonted peace restore, Tis hard on eyes, which never wept before ! ( 81 ) t *******■*■*■**• *** ******** * * * *- REPLY To a Lady who observed at a Party how strange it was, that the names of all the Gentlemen, who were then near her, commenced with B. Who can resist such charms as thine, Or their attractive powers ? Bees always fly to sweets divine, And choose delicious flowers ! EPIGRAM ON A Person complaining to another, that some one had taken his Character away. "My character he's ta'en away," Cries Jack in angry mood; Says Will, " Oh let him keep it pray, " 'T wont do him any good!" ( 82 ) ADDRESS, ON THE OPENING OF THE NEW CALCUTTA PRIVATE SUBSCRIPTION THEATRE, NOVEMBER 25, 1813. In distant climes, you can't expect our boards, Can offer scenes, which Drury's fame affords ; But though we've not the force of Kemble's art, Nor Siddons' tragic powers, to charm the heart, Our zeal to please shall ev'ry fear suppress, We may deserve, though not command success. ADDRESS ON OPENING THE CALCUTTA THEATRE. 83 Then let this stage be destined to impart Such scenes alone, as meliorate the heart, T' exclude all bad examples from our play, Plots which corrupt ! and maxims which betray ! Licentious manners strictly to forbid, And welcome worth, and honour in their stead ! To live in error, since the world began, Has been th' inevitable lot of man : If then that none unblemish'd you can find, Be to our failings, generously kind j By your applause be all our fears allayed, At your command, we blossom or we fade ! But hold ! a star upon our dawn appears, To chase our doubts, and dissipate our fears ! Since she has blest these shores, each drooping flow'r Revives again, to bloom with double power ; Long may she live, each virtue to impart, And prove a source of joy to every heart ! Hail to the day ! which welcom'd to our coast, The statesman's model, and the soldier's boast ! Propitious hour, when Erin's friend appear'd, By Prince, and People, equally revered ! 84 ADDRESS ON OPENING THE CALCUTTA THEATRE. They, patriot like, each selfish aim withstood, And gave their Country's pride, for India's good ! Since he has deign'd, our efforts to befriend,* We cannot fail to conquer in the end : Then let it be our object to beguile Each drooping moment, by the Drama's smile, By tales of woe, to win th' attentive ear, Excite to joy, or claim the pearly tear ; T' expose each folly clearly to our eyes, And by such lessons, teach us to be wise ; The charms of virtue boldly to proclaim, And point to all, the envied road to fame ! To you, with anxious hope, we trust our cause, Cheer us with smiles, and greet us with applause ; While deep engrafted in our breasts shall live, The dear remembrance of the boon you give. * Sec the Notes at the end of the Volume. ( 85 ) EPIGRAM ON A Lawyer who died without Effects .' u No effects had old Quill when he died ; " 'Tis odd," says his heir, and then pauses. — " How could he ?" Dick quickly replied, " When you know he ne'er had any causes /'' LINES Addressed to a Lady by her Lover, on her desiring lain to forget her. Can eyes so accustom'd with rapture to gaze, On the exquisite beauties they view ! In a moment, for ever that lustre erase, Which so deep was imprinted by you ? ( 86 ) FAREWELL ADDRESS BY AN OFFICER To a Lady, to whom he was paying his Addresses, on his being suddenly ordered to join his Regiment abroad. Farewell, sweet Girl, of marriage talk no more, I would be join'd to thee, but I must join my corps ! In lieu of wedlock, I'll be seeking fame, And e'er a husband, will deserve the name ! Should Fate ordain that I successful prove, Again I'll revel in the fields of love. 1804.— AllalmbatL EPITAPH ON AN HONEST MAN. Tell me who can, who lies beneath this sod ? An honest man, the noblest work of God ! ( 97 ) IMPROMPTU, ON A Party disputing which was the most expressive Language. Talk not of your Latin, your French, or your Greek Such sounds I've been taught to despise ; What tongue in the world, can such eloquence speak, As the language express'd by the eyes? ACROSTIC, SENT BY A Gentleman to a Lady, who requested him to deliver a Kiss for her, to her Sister in the East- Indies. Keep the alluring gem, dear maid, I dare'nt possess such bliss ! So sure upon these lips 'tis laid, So sure I'll keep the kiss. i e ( 88 ) THE DON COSSACK, AND CAPTAIN BOCK. The hospitality of the Citizens of London has at all times been proverbial, but in no instance has it shone so conspicuous, as on the late memorable arrival from Russia, of the famous and gallant Don Cossack, and his friend Captain Bock. The author cannot resist the temptation, previous to his offering his humble lay in commemoration of the above, to give in the first place, an extract from the London Newspapers detailing this momentous event ; and although he has been anxious to follow as closely as possible such elegant prosaic description, still he feels very considerable difficulty, in discovering lan- guage sufficiently sublime and expressive to do justice to the subject ! ! 89 THE DON COSSACK. EXTRACT FROM THE LONDON NEWSPAPERS. London, April 18, 1813. « THE RUSSIAN COSSACK. " The expected appearance of the gallant Cossack ** attracted an immense assemblage of spectators ; " the Exchange was literally crammed. The Cossack " and Captain Bock arrived at the Mansion House " shortly after one, and were greeted with loud and " repeated acclamations, and conducted by the City " Marshals to the antichamber, where the Lord " Mayor attended by the Aldermen received them. " A very handsome cold collation was prepared, of " which Captain Bock and the Cossack partook. Mr. " Grant then undertook to interpret between them : '* his Lordship assured the Cossack, that he was " proud to offer him his hand ! His answer was short ** but emphatic ; — he thanked his Lordship, and " said he was ready to die for his country. A hearty " shake then took place on both sides. The Cos- " sack's name is Alexander Witteschendst ; he is in " his 54th year, had retired fifteen years since pen- i 3 !>0 THE DON COSSACK. " sioned, but voluntarily enrolled himself again on " the invasion of his country. He was dressed in " the Cossack costume, with a musket slung behind " him, and a pike upwards of 10 feet long I " At half past one they proceeded to the Royal " Exchange, in the following order ; — M MARSHALMEN CLEARING THE WAY, *' The Don Cossack supported by two City Officers, " Captain Bock between the Lord Mayor, #c. " The rush into Change was irresistible, and they " proceeded to Lloyd's amidst huzzas cordial and " repeated. Silence being obtained, the Lord Mayor " said he was desirous to propose three times three to " the gallant visitors : his Lordship then giving the a word, the acclamation, we are proud to say, was ' ' as general and loud as ever was heard in that place. " His Lordship then said, that Captain Bock propo- " sed three times three to Lord Wellington and the " British army ; and added, that the Cossack had, " with the instrument then in his hand, killed thirty - " nine of the enemy ! An universal burst of accla- V mation succeeded, and the visitors withdrew."' THE DON COSSACK. 91 CAPTAIN BOCK and the DON COSSACK. ]. From Smolensko there came A man of vast fame, Who was anxious the foe to attack ; He came over to shew, (As John Bull didn't know) What in Russia, they call a Cossack! 2. The Mayor thought it right, As the Cits love a sight, To ask him to visit him smack, He was certain they'd be Most delighted to see, Captain Bock and the gallant Cossack. 92 THE DON COSSACK. 3. 'Twas about one o'clock, When the Cossack and Bock, To the Mansion House went in a crack, Where with loud acclamation, And congratulation, The Lord Mayor received the Cossack. 4. Then each took his station, Around the collation, Of which Captain Bock took a snack, While his friend, the Lord Mayor, And the Aldermen there, Eat enough to alarm the Cossack ! 5. Mr. G 1 undertook, And without any book, To interpret their mutual clack; Or else it is plain, They had chatter'd in vain, Both the Mayor and the gallant Cossack. THE DON COSSACK. 93 r s^r^r+s^+s*-*-*^****-**^ 6. Then his Lordship said loud, " I shall always feel proud, " Tho'.of words I find often a lack, " To shake hands with the Don,* " And be number'd as one '* Of the friends of the gallant Cossack." 7. His emphatic reply, " I am ready to die " For my country !" quite took them aback. While the loyal Lord Mayor Nearly leap'd from his chair, Quite delighted to hear the Cossack. 8. Now at half after one The procession begun, When to Lloyd's they set off in a pack ^ While Bock and the Mayor Made an excellent pair, As they follow'd the gallant Cossack. * See the Notes at the eud of the Volume. 94 THE DON COSSACK. 9. The Exchange it was cramm'd. And the populace jaram'd, In number far more than a lac, And when he appeared, Lord ! how he was cheer' d, Was the gay and the gallant Cossack. 10. The rush into Change Was resistless as strange, And so narrow and crowded the track, Scarcely room was left there For friend Bock and the Mayor, And far less for the gallant Cossack. 11. Now his Lordship arose, To the mob to propose For a moment to leave off their slack ; And delighted was he, To propose three times three, To the bold enterprising Cossack. THE DON COSSACK. 95 12. His speech, it appears, Was receiv'd with three cheers, Which came with a terrible whack; And the noise, we are proud To declare, was as loud, As ever was heard by Cossack! 13. Captain Bock did propose, Three times three to all those Who in Spain did the enemy hack; Each huzza'd to the fame Of Lord Wellington's name, And so did the gallant Cossack. 14. Then a general desire There appeared to enquire, What Frenchmen he'd put to the rack; When he archly replied, " Thirty nine men had died " By the spear of the gallant Cossack '." 96 THE DON COSSACK. 15. This pleasing narration Brought great acclamation, Which came with a still greater smack ; The mob then withdrew, As they usually do, Overjoy* d to have seen the Cossack. 16. Wittenschendst, it appears, Is ag'd fifty-four years, Tho' pension'd for fifteen years back ! When his home was invaded, Again he paraded To fight, did the gallant Cossack ! 17. He came into the room In the Russian costume, With a musquet slung over his back ; And he wielded a spear, Full ten feet in the clear, Did this wonderful gallant Cossack. THE DON COSSACK. 18. E'en the Grand Plenipo, Who, we all of us know, Came over to England, good lack ! All the Ladies declare, Was not fit to compare With this dear, this delightful Cossack ! 19. The spinsters were charm'd, And their hearts quite alarm'd, For to please he'd so knowing a knack ,• While the old women swore, They had ne'er seen before Such a sweet looking charming Cossack. ( 98 ) EPIGRAM ON A Sailor, who was threatened by the Officer on Deck with a dozen Lashes (when he should come vp from the Hold) for Misconduct. " Come up, sir," the Officer cried, " A doz'n you'll have when you do j"— " I thank you," Jack quickly replied j " I won't if you promise me two !" ( 99 ) THE GALE. The following lines were written after a tremendous gale of wind, on weathering that boisterous promon- tory, the Cape of Good Hope. Many of my readers have no doubt experienced similar storms in those tempestuous latitudes, and will therefore be able to judge of the general accuracy of the description. The author is fully aware of the difficulty of saying any thing novel or interesting, on a subject that has so frequently exercised the talents of so many inge- nious writers ; nor is he ignorant, that rigid criticism forbids the use of technical language and terms of art, in all the higher kinds of serious composition anil poetry : he trusts however, he will not be judged by such severe rules, nor censured for failing in what he has not attempted. His object was faithful des- cription, not studied elegance, and as he wrote without any ambition of excellence, he hopes the attempt will not be too severely criticised. K 2 100 THE GALE. I h e Heav'ns with each portending sign abound, And trembling birds, the ship in flights surround, (16) Hov'ring about with ill prognostics fraught. By nature, or by sad experience taught ! Whilst mackerel forms above our eyes assail, (17) As though to warn us of th' approaching gale ; Black louring clouds, with gloomy vapour press'd, Bise with terrific grandeur in the west ! Now all is hush'd ; — but soon deceitful proves The transient calm, the breeze that scarcely move6, In silent stillness, resting but an hour, To blow the next, with wild resistless pow'r ! For now the clouds the lightning's flash reveal^. And thunder roars in many an awful peal ; Whilst rain in torrents from the Heav'ns descends, And the rough gale with rougher sea contends ! Aloft, the tars to hand the close reef'd sail (18) Undaunted climb, regardless of the gale 5 But vain's their aid, the tempest blows so hard, The sails are torn in ribbands (19) from the yard ; The masts and rigging tremble at the blast, And ev'ry gust seems harder than the past ! THE GALE. 101 Th' unruly winds distend the taughten'd shrouds, The scuds (20) in quick succession pass the clouds, While waves impetuous strike the vessel's bow, And rush in torrents (21) to the decks below! And now the storm is raging to its height, Its terrors deepen'd by the glooms of night, Without a star to guide our lonely way, For all is darkness, horror, and dismay ! Whilst o'er the foaming sea the vessel flies, " Steady /" with anxious look, the Captain cries j (22) The wearied steersmen guide the trembling helm, And fearless stand, tho' seas the ship o'erwhelm, Scarce can their strength direct th' unruly wheel, So great each motion, and so deep each heel ; The rudder too, our stand by and our rock, Trembling receives the wave's concussive shock : The lab'ring vessel's forced., jipon her beam, And streams are gushing thro' each op'ning seam. Now at the pumps the seamen take their spell, And add new efforts, as they sound the well ; For each successive time the plummet's cast, Too true it proves the leak increases fast.! k 3 102 . THE GALE. The crew at length from toil exhausted grow, But seek repose, alas ! in vain below ; The glass in turn foretells the gale's increase, (23) Nor gives a gleam of hope that it will cease ; While all for still far greater ills prepare, A prey to sorrow, misery, and care ! Above, below, each shudd'ring at his doom, In silent anguish thinks but of the tomb ; No friend to help us, as no hand to save, No place to flee to, from a wat'ry grave ! Now, 'midst our woe, those friends we've left on shore, Friends whom we love, but whom we'll view no more, Rush on our thoughts, increasing our despair, To know the grief which they, alas ! must share. Farewell to parents, wives, and children too, Sweethearts and friends, for evermore adieu I Alas ! such joys no more for us await, No more shall greet us, in our fallen state! Still roars the wind, yet louder ev'ry blast, And ev'ry moment seems as tho' our last. The foremast now, where all our hopes relied, (24) Falls with tremendous crashes o'er the sjde ! THE GALE. 103 Confusion reigns triumphant on the deck, And ev'ry effort's vain to clear the wreck ; The pumps are chok'd, no hopes to free the hold,(26) While ev'ry moment keener ills unfold ! Each gleam of hope to save the vessel's fled, Alas ! she seems fast settling (27) by the head j All human pow'r at length is truly vain, And nought but heav'nly aid can save us from the main ! Now to that God, who rules the raging sea, Each eye's uplifted, bended ev'ry knee, Divine compassion ardently to crave, To rescue helpless sinners from the grave ! Our prayers are heard, a ray of hope appears, To check our dread forebodings and our fears ; Th' unerring glass proclaims the gale shall cease, The blasts are gentler, and the waves decrease j Our ship, so late a log upon the main, Once more, thro' God's great mercy, rights again ! Oh let us learn, however great our care, To trust in Him, and never to despair ! Let ev'ry soul, in grateful accents, raise His feeble roice, to speak his Maker's praise, 104 THE GALE. Whose mercy bids our woes no longer last, And pitying tells us, to forget the past ! Now smiles again the silver-tinted deep, And softer breezes o'er the surface sweep ; Smooth play the waves, the clouds remote are driv'n, And a mild azure spreads the vault of heav'n j Peace speaks in all, repose appears at last, More sweet, for storms dispers'd, and dangers past 1 ( 105 ) r #*#i*#»##*4*i*AM! MW*MMM«MiM«# A^s* *#• THE FRENCH EMIGRE. 1. Ah ! sad was the moment, when tyranny bade me No longer 'midst those I lov'd dearly to stay ; And cruel that heart-rending mandate, that made me Relinquish my country, a poor Emigre I 2. When slowly our bark glided over the ocean, All nature seem'd cloth'd in majestic array, 1 quitted its shores with each painful emotion, And sighing exclaim'd, " I'm a poor Emigri !" 106 THE FRENCH EMIGR£\ 3. On an enemy's coast, with sorrow and anguish, I tremblingly landed, from fear and dismay ; But British humanity bade me not languish, And offered relief to a poor Emigre ! 4. I found an asylum where least I expected, Humanity, words can but little pourtray, For there, no appeal to compassion's rejected, Not an enemy's even a poor Emigre! 5. But novelty's charms had no power to amuse me, Variety could not my sorrows allay; The world had no pleasure or joy to refuse me, Compar'd to those fled from a poor Emigre! THE FRENCH EMIGRE. 107 6. While grateful to those, who so kindly receiv'd me, Who British humanity deign'd to display, I'll curse the proud tyrant, who basely bereav'd me Of ev'ry thing dear to a poor Emigre! 7. Farewell then to Gallia, my country, for ever ! Each pray'r of my heart is to see you set free ; Till then, tho' I love you, my country, oh never! Shall you view the return of your poor Emigri! 8. Yet still I'll revere thee, tho* sorrows beset me, Tho' thoughts of the past shall embitter each day ! Ah ! never, blest spot of my birth, I'll forget thee, While beats the sad heart of a poor Emigre' 108 THE FRENCH EMIGR^ 9. With fervor, blest Liberty, ought we to hail thee ! For blessings like thine how sincere shou'd we pray ; When absent, alas ! with what pain we bewail thee, When present, how little we tempt thee to stay ! ( 109 ) OPENING THE TRADE. The Opening of the Trade to India has, it is well known, been long the constant theme of conversa- tion, as well as the bone of contention, in the mother country ; and the opinions, as to the benefits likely to result to the manufacturing towns and com- munity at large from the measure, have been no less numerous, than in many instances amusing, to those intimately acquainted with our eastern possessions. That England stands unrivalled as an enlightened nation, no one can for a moment dispute ; it appears the more extraordinary, therefore, that considering the anxious solicitude, and unremitting exertions of its people, to participate in every possible source of information, our Indian territories, valuable and 110 OPENING THE TRADE. extensive, and so long in our possession, should have been so much neglected in their researches, and consequently so little known, either as to their topo- graphy, or the religious prejudices, manners, and customs of the inhabitants. Many are, no doubt, acquainted with the names of Calcutta, Madras, and Bombay, but no more ! For whether the former is situated on the banks of the Nile or Hyphasis, or the two latter in the Pacific Ocean or Red Sea, seems of little importance to them ! It has often been productive of considerable amuse- ment to Indians on their return to Europe, to hear the absurd questions proposed by their friends and acquaintance, respecting the country they have so lately quitted : such as, "pray, Sir, were you ever " acquainted, during your residence in Calcutta, " with my intimate friend, Mr. Hugandtug, at Bom- " bay, or Mr. Slendershank, at Madras ? The last " letter I received from the latter gentleman was " from a very hard-named place, Touchimvphilly — " (alias Tritchinopolly) ; how many miles is that " from Madias, Sir r" No doubt perfectly satisfied, OPENING THE TRADE. Ill that it must be within the scope of a moderate ride of the three Presidencies. Some, more ambitious to procure information, will ask, if you ever penetrated so far into Asia, as the famous Serampoor, the seat of the learned Polyglot Missionaries, or Chinsurah, the Dutch Walcheren ; and should you reply, that you have traversed even the fertile meadows and exuberant plains of Dumdum, as though the name was intended for the effect pro- duced, the consequence is astonishment, even to the temporary loss of speech ! Fortunately, it those ter- rific appellations of Chittledroog, Ranamoody Gully, or IVandiwash, are not mentioned, or recovery might be doubtful ' Then the inquiries, as to the sociability, hospi- tality, and politeness of the Hindoos, their desire for European manufactures, — ' for there lies the pith of the matter !' They would have the innocent and neglected natives^ all at once become philosophical or metaphysical beef- eaters, connoisseurs of hams and cheeses, drink ratifia, and dance fandangoes f Were their wishes to be realized, the tenets of Bramah would immediately l 2 112 OFEtffING THE TRADE. gain strength j for the poor pilgarlick Hindoo would naturally suppose and believe, that the sudden and astonishing metamorphosis was nothing less than the Jong and ardently expected 4050th transmigration of Bramah, and the young Bramahpoots ! Far be it from me to say any thing disrespectful of that country, which every Briton, however far his destiny may remove him from it, must sincerely revere and love j not only as the blest spot of his birth, but as a portion of the globe envied by the remainder of the world, for the humanity, bravery, and many other honorable feelings, possessed and practised by its inhabitants ! But I trust my glancing at trivial imperfections will occasion ^no offence, for in this world none of us are perfect ! I have, for my part, been long ruminating on the consequences likely to ensue from Opening the Trade, and depriving the East-India Company of privileges which they have so long enjoyed, with honor to themselves, and benefit to their country: — and of late, indeed, have dreamt of nothing else, — while the sound of " down with the charter," and " no OPENING THE TRADE. 113 " monopoly" has been continually ringing in my ears ; till, on a late particularly restless night, I was observed by my sirdar-bearer to get up in my sleep, and call loud for pen, ink, and paper, (or as some would have called it in the more beautiful language of the East, shy, kullum, coggug !) and in the morning, when I awoke at the usual hour, I disco- vered that the following had been the production of my somniferous lucubrations. As such, I beg leave, with every deference, to submit them to a discerning public, under the title of, " A lay of the present century." l 3 Ill OPENING THE TRADE. OPENING THE TRADE. What a terrible bustle this Charter has made* How anxious the people to open the trade! Though many desire it, — who, strange 'tis to tell, Petition to trade, when they've nothing to sell ! The Court of Directors are puzzled to find A reason 'gainst claims of so novel a kind ; No wonder, indeed, that they've some hesitation, At yielding their rights for such strange speculation T E'en children themselves of it's benefits speak, Expecting rice pudding each day in the week ; To havetheir/roc/« made out of Sunderbundshaicls, (28) Or bales of rawsilk from the Jungle MahauU ' (29) OPENING THE TRADE. 115 The old women hope, when the trade shall be free, To partake of more potent infusions of tea ; At present, it tastes of the water too strong, And is more like pale ale, than bohea or souchong J How pleasant, their very dear friends to invite, To " tea and turn out," or a " rout," ev'ry night ; Till nervous and weak to a charming degree, They shake, like the leaf of the fam'd aspin tree ! The Birmingham folks do not doubt in the least, Their ships will return full of gems from the East ; They warrant success to the grand undertaking, And think, the pagoda (31) trees only want shaking ! They mean to send out, when the Charter expires, More razors by far than all India requires ; Determined no whiskers or beards shall be seen, Prom the banks of the Indus, to Cape Comerin ! 116 OPENING THE TBADE. And then so desirous to mend our rough state, To polish our manners, as well as our pfate, Our dross to extract, and our wori/i to refine, And teach us, like Birmingham gentry, to shine! Our Staffordshire friends will send hot-water plates, The merchants at Sheffield supply us with skaits ; While warming-pans too will come out to be sold,(32) And thick patent blankets defend us from cold ! When of new fashion'd grates they send out a supply, 'T would be very ungrateful if we did not buy ; In rains (33) or hot winds, when surrounding the fire, How freely we'll chat, and how freely perspire ! The steam engines next in their turn will appear, And add to our warmth — not a little, T fear. How pleasing to him, who the cargo bespoke, To find it producing him nothing but smoke ! OPENING THB TRADE. 117 /fi-y////////A///^^/^/ How strange to our servants it surely will seem, Both coaches and palankeens moving by steam ; How charming, when taking an Esplanade ride. To be stifl'd with smoke, and be dusted beside !* In Russia, French regiments were seen in the field. To be in one mass in an instant congealed, While their cavalry corps, in full run from the foe, Turn'd to pillars of ice, and stuck fast in the snow? .'(34) Now may it not happen, where heat is so great, If Frenchmen come here they'll meet opposite fate ? But Boney won't venture, he's not such an ass, To send his troops here to be turn'd into gass I Their weather-proof wigs will, I fear, nought avail, To keep our heads free from the coup de soldi f But whenever our troops shall its potent rays feel. If they burn, it will be with true soldierlike zeal ! * Vide the Notes at the end of the Volume, 118 OPENING THE TRADE. Iii England, the people will never believe, The strange kind of stories they often receive j That the natives on tygers and buff'loes ride, And live upon rice, and drink water beside. (35) Common sense is enough to convince 'em, they say, That no human creatures could live in this way j That Castes are all nonsense, their prejudice sham, They'd eat, if they had them, both turkey and ham& Mahomet, they say, may forbid them to feed On hams that are cur'd from the East-India breed ; But fresh English hams, they declare to a man, Were never prohibited by his Qooran ! How v shocking the innocent natives should go So naked, alas ! from the top to the toe ; 'Tis shameful, the tailors humanely declare, Resolv'd to make suits for the natives to wear ! * Vide the Notes st the eud of the Volume.. OPENING THE TRADE. 119 'Tis hard, sixty millions of people, they say, Should be rul'd in so harsh and tyrannic a way ; That poor fellow creatures, because they are blacks, Haven't hats to their heads, nor yet coats to their backs ! How anxious the Musselmen and the Hindoos, To get Wellington boots, and wear Wellington shoes ; How delighted they'll be to come into a room, When rigg'd out " bang up " in the English costume ! How charming, to ask our dark friends to partake, In true English style, of an English beefsteak ; To see them make use of their forks and their knives, As if they had ne'er m'd their hands in their lives !* How pleasing, to see at the Governor's ball, The natives cut capers, t'astonish us all ; Declaiming 'gainst Naching * as vastly ill bred, And waltzing, and dancing cotillions instead ! * Vide the Notes at the end of the Volume. 120 OPENING THE TRADE. Then twig the Sircar (37) sitting down to play whist ! And shuffling the cards with his delicate fist ; When losing the points, from ill luck or bad play, Deducting dustoory (38) from what he's to pay ! But stop! I forgot j — it's a far diff'rent case, Opinions to maxims must ever give place, Our friend when he plays will be certain to win, A black leg must sure take the knowing ones in I Conceive that you hear them at College dispute, With idiom correct, and an accent minute ; Harranging on points of political nature, And Master's Sircar acting first Moderator ! How delighted the Rajahs and Nawaubs will be, To invite the Haut-ton to play cards and drink tea ; While notes of all kinds will arrive by the score, From Meer Bondie Alli } and Gopey Takoor ! (39) OPENING THE TRADE. The Belles of the East, in Zenmiahs confined, Will taste of life's pleasures, as nature designed ; How sweetly they'll jog, arm in arm, with their loves, In red satin gowns, and in white leather gloves ! Oh ! picture them joining a round game at cards, Some solving conundrums, some leaning charades; At dinner, conversing with fashion and ease, With true Irish grace, saying " Port if you please. f" E'en Raspberry Dutt, (40) is expecting to clear, When trade is thrown open, two thousand a year ; By filling his warehouse as full as 'twill cram, And changing his name just to Raspberry Jam. What lots of pine cheese for immediate use, With claret, port wine, and pale ale as profuse ; How charming, to pour the contents in our throttles, And get back the price, by returning the bottles* M * Vide the Notes at the end of the Volume. 122 OPENING THE' TRADE. In England, what outcry for years has been nftadei 'Gainst Company's charter, and Company's tradh •, When i opened, Calcutta will very soon find, Far greater Outcrys {41} of a di/feren* kind ! Too soon r they'll discover, these emulous folks. That op'mng- the ttade is no more than a hoax; And seeing that all their fine prospects are vain, Will -pray • that the trade may be shut up again ! Let 'em dream of i the East, of gvtdttioh'rs find rupees', And believe that they. grow in large crops on the trees! But soon, very soon, they'll find out with despair, Trees are blighted in India, as well as elsewhere ! Let Jndia.be ruled by the Company '+-r-*^rs**srm TheMarathas in their last contest with the English, although vanquished, and for a time completely hum- bled, still gained some experience, even in their de- feats ! by discovering the fatal error they had com- mitted, in rashly venturing to oppose the valour and discipline of British troops in the field, and thus en- suring almost certain discomfiture ! Should hostili- ties again occur, and which appears not improbable, their operations will no doubt be regulated by a very different system ; dividing their innumerable hordes, and invading at the same period, several of the most vulnerable points of the Company's provinces j and by a desultory species of warfare, harrassing our troops, and rendering less effectual their superior dis- cipline ! Nothing but the most prompt and decisive measures, such as were pursued by the then Governor- General, the Marquis of Wellesley, seconded by the persevering exertions of the army, could have sur- mounted the many serious difficulties the Government had to encounter, at the commencement of the last Maratha contest ; when at the hard contested battles of Delhy, Laswarrie, and Assye, the Indian ar- mies were so infinitely inferior in point of numbers to the myriads of the enemy ! some of whom were even in a tolerable state of discipline, and were commanded by Frenchmen. It was only under such illustrious commanders as the Duke of Wellington, and the late Lord Lake, that victories so decisive NOTES AND EXPLANATIONS. 219 could have ensued, under such evident disadvan- tages ! It has been stated in England, that the maintaining a large force of native troops, in time of peace in India, is totally unnecessary ; as recruits will at all times flock by hundreds to the Company's standard, and consequently that regiments of Sipahees can be raised and disciplined in a few weeks ! Every one at all versed in militaiy matters, must soon discover the fallacy of such reasoning ! Can it for a moment be expected, that men enlisted from the plough, or indeed from any other employment, can possibly be capable in so short a period, of becoming sufficient- ly acquainted even with the management of the mus- quet ; far less with the more difficult movements of a corps, to render them at all efficient for immediate service? Time and perseverance are alone capa- ble of forming good Sipahees, and a partici- pation in the various benefits resulting from the Company's service, the most likely means to render them attached to it, and zealous in the cause of their employers ! It has often been the practice in India, to reduce considerably the strength of the na- tive batalions on the cessation of hostilities, a mea- sure truly impolitic, and fraught with serious evil ; in- asmuch as the Sipahees so discharged, naturally seek employment elsewhere ; and thus the armies of the u 2 220 NOTES AND EXPLANATIONS. native powers whose service they enter, materially benefit from the instructions of those very men who have received their information in the Company's ranks j sufficiently accounting for the improved mode of warfare lately evinced by them ! At the battle of J)elhy, many of the Golandauze or artillery- men who so skilfully served the enemy's guns, were ascertained to have been previously in the ser- vice of the Company. Page 157. " You scarce recollect your own features." The ravages of the musquitoes, particularly in the rainy season, are very extensive. These little intru- sive creatures soon discover the ruddy cheek of the newly arrived European, on which they revel with no small degree of voracity and enjoyment ! and it would require a person of a truly lethargic disposition, to ensure even a moment's sleep during his first night's residence, particularly in the more confined parts of Calcutta ; for independant of the unpleasant stings they inflict on the face, hands, &c, the buz- zing noise with which their attacks are accompanied, is of itself amply sufficient to destroy all prospect of obtaining rest. The fair sex sometimes experience such unhandsome treatment from them, as to be ren- dered incapable of appearing in company for some days after ! NOTES AND EXPLANATIONS. 221 Page 157. " They coolly sit quizzing the griffin ." The griffin is a title which all Europeans receive during their first year's residence in the East, in which time they are supposed to become acquainted with the customs and etiquette of the country. A military man ignorant of both, as well as of the persons to whom he is introduced, must on his first visit natu- rally appear a little aukward ; particularly when hea- vily equipped in military trappings, a costume not over adapted to ease and comfort, in a room the heat of which probably exceeds ninety degrees ! Let the reader but picture to himself, one of those youthful candidates for martial fame so situated ; with a face the very colour of his coat, while the big drops of perspiration are falling in rapid succession from his heated brow, unhappily adding to his miseries, by hastily swallowing some excessive hot mullagatauney, and roaring out for pinniky pauney to allay the pain it occasions him ! Page 167. * My kullean." The kullean, or " hurdum tazu," is a small hookah used on the western coast and other parts of India. '* Hurdum tazu," signifies in the Moorish language, ever fresh. Page 167. " My hubble-bubble." The " hubble-bubble" is also a kind of hookah in general use among the lower orders of natives in u 3 222 NOTES AND EXPLANATIONS. India, partly formed from the shell of the cocoa-nut, and constituting one of their chief enjoyments. Often you may perceive them, sitting in groups contentedly on the ground, and passing it round in succession ; each in turn partaking a few precious whiffs of its enlivening fumes ! Fage 168. " The Hookah." The author is conscious that the stanzas on the Hoo- kah, will be considered tedious and uninteresting by many of his readers, who have not participated in either its pleasures or its pains. A prosaic descrip- tion of it may possibly render it more amusing. Its form has frequently been explained. The to- bacco constituting the chief source of all its pleasing qualifications, is cultivated in many parts of Hindoos- tan: the Bilsah is considered by far superior to any other, but of which so very inconsiderable a supply is produced, as to render it peculiarly valuable. A vast quantity is however disposed of under that name, which never grew near the place ! When the to- bacco is preparing for the hookah, it is first washed in rose-water, or otherwise, and after being well dried in the sun, is pounded very fine, and mixed with ghool- chund or preserved rose-leaves, various fruits, par- ticularly the apple of Persia, and a due proportion of aromatic herbs and spices : the whole of which mate- rials are again moistened, and in that state thoroughly beaten together, and deposited in earthen jars, which are often buried under ground for mouths, to NOTES AND EXPLANATIONS. 223 improve its fragrance and quality, previous to its being brought into use. The hookah is ar- ranged by a native servant called hookabadar, as- sisted by a mate, tbe two receiving from sixteen to twenty rupees per mensem as wages. The whole apparatus may be procured at from one to two hun- dred and fifty rupees, according to tbe weight of sil- ver attached to it ; while the expense of keeping it will probably amount to from thirty to forty rupees per month, varying according to circumstances. Many persons become from habit so much attached to the practice of smoking, as to be seriously dis- turbed, if even for one day they are deprived of the hookah's fascinating powers ! To them it is no small sacrifice, even lo attend the entertainments at the Government house, where they are prohibited; in fact, in such case it can no longer be considered a mere luxury, but becomes a most indispensable appendage. Not content with the continual use of it during the day, they will even require its enlivening aid before they rise, and again after retiring to bed at night ! To the natives of all ranks and descriptions, it af- fords the greatest possible source of enjoyment ; they are scarcely ever without it, and will often partake of its pleasures in their palanquins, while the hookah- badar runs by the side, supporting the hookah ! Page 168. •* Nor Persia's fruits delicious share." The odour arising from the Persian apple, and 224 NOTES AND EXPLANATIONS. other preserved fruits mixed with the tobafcco, is particularly fragrant and agreeable. Page 169. " 'Midst sandy banks, &c." In lonely situations the hookah no doubt possesses many charming qualifications ! During long and tedious passages on the river Ganges, or when en- camped in gloomy jungles or swampy grounds, while it offers most pleasing recreation, its powerful fumes materially tend to dispel the putrid exhalations, from surrounding stagnate water and decayed vegetation ; becoming in a great degree, particularly during the rainy season, an antidote to fevers, &c. ! Page 170. " Td joyful greet." After the fatigue naturally attendant on long marches, the hookah proves a great stimidus to res- tore the strength and exhilarate the spirits ! Page 1 70. " If shade there haply chanced to be, &c." In so hot a climate as India, the reader will easily conceive how great a luxury shade must prove to Europeans, particularly after enduring for hours the scorching rays of a powerful sun ! Large de- tachments can seldom obtain such shelter, necessarily requiring extensive plains to encamp upon. From its being considered a very religious act, for individuals at their own expence, to plant groves of mangoe, or other trees, or to dig wells, and erect tanks or reservoirs for water,, near the NOTES AND EXPLANATIONS. 225 high roads for public use, the country is extremely well supplied with these indispensible necessaries ; to the no small comfort of the natives of all descriptions, particularly of the pilgrims and wandering fakeers or priests, who are continually traversing the extensive regions of the East, from one extremity to the other ! One of the former emperors of Hindostan, truly interested in the comfort and welfare of his subjects, directed, among other acts of munificence, that Seraies, or small brick buildings should be erected at convenient distances, during a track of many hun- dred miles j that the weary traveller might experience shelter during the hottest part of the day, as well as se- curity from robbers and wild beasts at night. Many of these Seraies are still to be found, the rest have gra- dually fallen to decay. Various public buildings of great utility, erected by wealthy and charitable persons, have after their decease been permitted to dilapidate, from the mistaken notion, that no credit is attached to those who merely repair the works of others ! Page 171. " Thy Chillum tvith celestial fire." Some few of the ladies, even, sport their hookahs ! while others of the fair sex, are content to taste the narcotic fumes of those belonging to the gentlemen ; a custom the reader will, no doubt, consider as not over refined or delicate ! Page 172. " I wished thy snake and chillum broke" The pains of the hookah are numerous, particularly 226 NOTES AND EXPLANATIONS. to those who persist in the use of it, though evident- ly disagreeing with them ! Such persons are often overpowered by the strength of the tobacco ! That the hookah frequently puts a stop to all con- versation is no less certain ; parties will sometimes after dinner, continue for hours together smoking their hookahs, and drinking their wine, &c. in com- plete silence, save the monotonous and bubbling noise occasioned by the former ! Page 1 72. " I scarce knew what 1 saw or did." The smoke from bad ghooi (a composition of rice and charcoal formed into balls, and used as fuel to light the tobacco), must at all times prove extremely pernicious, and naturally tend to stupify the senses, and occasion other bad consequences. Page 173. " Tofindat length Icannot light." The snake or tube attached to the hookah, from being sometimes in a slight degree defective, or from other causes, requires considerable perseverance, and great efforts of the lungs, to light the chillum or to- bacco. After having succeeded, however, with so much difficulty, how provoking must it prove, to be obliged by the nicer rules of hospitality and politeness, to surrender it to some friend or acquaintance sitting near ; who requests it only for a moment, " just to try it," but keeps it in his possession till the ghoolis is extinguished, and the tobacco expended ! (Page 174.) NOTES AND EXPLANATIONS. 227 This is no uncommon occurrence, as many per- sons, although partial to the hookah, will not be at the expense of keeping one 5 while others are equally alarmed lest they should become too much devoted to it! Thus both, wisely, at least, consider it the cheapest and safest plan to make use of the hookahs of their friends. Some, however, whose prudence exceeds their politeness, invariably refuse to lend them to any one ; and certainly the custom cannot be considered very cleanly ! (Page 174.) From the snake being extended several feet on the carpet, it often becomes entangled under some one's chair, by which pressure, if not rendered useless, it is naturally much injured ; should, however, a Lady be the cause, such is the deference paid to the fair sex in India, that many would rather silently put up with the inconvenience, than trouble her to rise for a moment to extricate it ! (Page 1 74.) Page 174. " Then if some hapless wight o'erturns if." A still worse fate sometimes attends the hookah. In some parties there is such an assemblage of them, that their apparatus becomes so interwoven, as to render it difficult to pass from one part of the room to another, without coming in contact with some of them : hence they are often upset, to the no small chagrin of the owners both of the hookah and carpet ! who appear equally embarrassed on the occa- 228 NOTES AND EXPLANATIONS. sion, the latter politely declaring it to be of no mo- ment, while inwardly wishing both the hookah, and its owner at Jericho ! Page 175. " And then to check the flames' career." To prevent the progress of the fire, and conse- quent damage of the carpet, all are equally anxious to render assistance ; and in the contusion occasion- ed, often apply wine, beer, or any other liquid at hand ; thus rendering the remedy far worse than the disease ! Page 175. " Two hookahs, any thing but clean." To be placed near a hookah in an unclean state, is intolerably disagreeable ! Page 179. " Adieu the joys of love." These words were translated during the author's residence at the Isle of France, from a beautiful lit- tle air, called " Adieu, Plaisirs d" Amour /" GLOSSARY, 229 GLOSSARY. Page 110. ** Trichinopoly ," a town on the coast of India. Page 111. " Serampoor" a Danish settlement on the hanks of the Ganges, about sixteen miles distant from Calcutta. Page 111. " Chinsurah," a town a few miles higher up than Serampoor, formerly a Dutch settlement. " Dum Dum," the artillery cantonment, nine miles from Calcutta. " Chittledroog, and Wandewash" hill forts, &c. in the Deccan. " Ranamoody Gully " the name of an alley ov narrow street in Calcutta. " Bramah," the head of the Hindoo religion. Page 1 13. " Sirdar Bearer," native valet de chambre, in charge of your wardrobe, &c. Page 157. " Tiffin," a meal between breakfast and dinner, consisting generally of hot currys, mullagatauny, and rich stews. 230 GLOSSARY. " Tazu fVallaits" in Hindoostany, signifying fresh Europeans, or those unacquainted with the tricks of Calcutta ! t( Pinniky paunie," water to drink. " Chillum" is a part of the hookah containing the tobacco, over which the ghools are placed* FINIS. Printed by Cox and Baylis, Great Queen Street, Liucoln's-Inn Fields. ERRATA. Page Line 43 — 1 (ver. 8) for fate, read life. 78 — 7 (ver. 2) for the diadem seized, read the diadem's seized. Ill — 11 for fortunately if those, &c. read fortunately those, &c. 150 — 7 for the sickness you suffer, read the sickness you're suffering. 198 — 17 for a hreathful, read 1 mouthful. 226 — 2 (Trow bottom) for Ghoolis, read Ghool. . This book is DUE on the last date stamped below. 10M-11-50'2955)470 remington rand inc. 20 THE LIBKAKY mOVERSTTY OF CALIFORNIA Mim!mmm om LIBRARY FACIL!TY A A 000 077 779 7 PR 1*735 H138s 1315