UC-NRLF P R 6037 L6 W55 1894 MAIN WILTSHIRE RHYMES - AND TALES. E.SLOW, WILTON. LIBRARY UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA X -H fc THE FIFTH gEl^IEg 3i£^ OF WlItTSHiHE RHVlWES AND ^^^-^^^ T A t fi M ^^5:^^ IN THE WILTSHIRE -f DIALECT BY EDWARD SLOW, WILTON. NEVER BEFORE PUBLISHED. WILTON : E. SLOW, WEST END. SALISBUEY : R. R. EDWARDS, CASTLE STREET. GILLINGHAM : JAMES RIDOUT & Co., Ltd. WILTON : WILTON PRINTING WORKS, NORTH STREET. LOAN STACK PREFACE. L^ WSS" In presenting this, my fifth series of Wiltshire Rhymes, I have, as promised, incorporated some few original Wiltshire tales, also many quaint sayings and stories which I believe have never before appeared in print. The majority of them have been gleaned from our peasantry, and every one founded upon fact, " Tha caird pearty an tha Chimley Sweep," the hero of which was mistaken for his Satanic Majesty, only passed away some three years since, his nephew making a special journey to Wilton to acquaint me with the facts of the story. In my little glossary of Wiltshire words, published some two years ago, I expressed a hope that steps would be taken to preserve, as far as possible, the language of our forefathers ; since that date a very comprehensive and useful glossary of Wiltshire has been published by the English Dialect Society, which reflects great credit upon the compilers, G. E. Dartnell, Esq., and the Rev. E. H. GoDDARD. As a work of reference it will prove most valuable, and more so, as time goes on. I find also some of the most successful novelists of the day use the various county dialects with good effect in their most popular works, what indeed would that charming novel ** Lorna Doone" be, without the home-spun phrases of " John Fry ? " and many others may be mentioned. Indeed, it does not seem possible to depict certain traits of character without the use of the vernacular ; dialects, to the novehst, and story writer, are as pigments to be used in producing life like pictures of the people. Alas ! the good old fashioned Wiltshire folk who use the dialect 1 538 in all its simplicity, and purity, are becoming scarce. What with the vigilance of the School Attendance Officer the facility of inter-communication, in these days, when our labouring people think no more of a trip to London than their forefathers used to the neighbouring town ; and last but not least the boarding out of London children among our rural cottagers for their summer holiday, the time is not far distant when our good old county patois, as a language, will be blotted out. During the past summer I have been highly amused listening to these London childrens' prattle, while their country playmates looked on in amazement, wondering at their so called fine talk. I give one specimen from a little bright-eyed girl, ''hailing from Bloomsbury," to a country boy who had taken her stick, *' I zoy, hee-ah, I sawr yah take that stick and if yah dawnt put heet daawn I'll come and hit yah one on tha naa-wse." I leave my readers to imagine what sort of jarcon 'twill be in another decade. I take this opportunity of thanking the residents of Wiltshire and adjoining counties for their kind appreciation of my rustic effusions, my first three series being exhausted and a few copies only of the last on hand. I wish also to record a tribute o^ sincere respect to the memory of my late publisher, Mr. F. A. Blake, to whose sound advice and untiring exertions must be mainly attributed the success of my previous publications. Wilton, Decemher, 1894- The Author. Digitized by tine Internet Archive in 2008 with funding from IVIicrosoft Corporation http://www.archive.org/details/fifthseriesofwilOOslowriGh ^ CONTENTS, ^i^ JANNY RAA ON THA CHARTER ZELEBRATION - - 1 JOE AN TOM : A Teetotal Yab\ - - - - 15 GRAMFER SHAANT GOO INTA WIRKHOUSE - - 28 SECOND EPISSLE TO J P Now of Calgary, Canada - 32 THA HARD WINTER A NINETY ONE - - - 42 AN APPEAL VAR THA POOR Atter radex bout tha Distress in owER Girt Towns - . - _ _ 43 THA VUST SNOW STARM - - - - - 51 GRAMFER' S CRISMIS • - .... 51 SMILIN JACK : A True Stowry of a Midxioht Adventer - 60 THA PARISH COUNCIL BILL : A Discussion Twix Tom an Phil, two Leaburen Men ..... 69 ROBERD AN STEAVEN : A Musical Conflab atween Two Varmers . . - _ _ 75 WOOLD TROTTERS ZAAYINS : His Likes AN Dislikes - 80 GOOD VRIDY LAS - - - - - 84 ME GIRTEST DELIGHT - - - - - 87 A NIGGARDLY TRADESMAN - - - - 90 HOSSLERJOE - - - - - 92 THA HURCOTT HUNT - - - - - 94 THA WOOLD GROVELY VOX - - - - 97 JACK'S POLL : A Zea Zong ..... IQO BEEANS AN BEAKIN . - - . . 102 HAYMEAKIN ZONG ..... 107 THE WILTSHIRE MOONRAKERS . . - . 109 THA GIRT BIG FIGGETTY POODEN - - - - 116 ZACKERIER CHAABEAKIN, An his visit ta Warmister ta zee THA Prince a Wailes - - - , - 121 MY VU8T BIT A GUNPOWDER - . . - 136 A UNDERD ZUR . - . . _ 133 EVERY GINERATION GETS WISER - - - - l40 COUNTIN THA SHEEP . . - . - 140 SHEARE THAT AMANGST EE . . - . 140 NOT A DRAP TOO MUCH . . - . 140 ZAL SLATTER - - - - - - 141 THA COMICK - - - - - - 141 THA BASTE JUMPER _ . - . - 142 THA BASTE COW _ . - - - 142 THA CRAFTY POACHER . . - - - 143 DOCTOR WELCH . _ - - - 144 THA MEANIN A DITTO - - - - - 146 HOW THA MYSTERY WUR GLARED UP - - - 146 BIN AN BIT APAST IT . - > - - 147 HOW TA MEAK APETH A CHEESE - - - 148 MIX EM TA BE ZURE - - - - - 149 THA CAIRD PEARTY AN THA CHIMLEY SWEEP - - 149 JANNY RAA ON TIIA CHARTER ZELEB RATION. Lore ! wurden there a start last week In thease yer leetle town, Dang if tha voke an pleace dicl'n zeem Agean turn'd upzide down. Var zich a start there hadden bin Zunce Pembrook come a age An no misteak tha people ael In't hearty like, did geage. Var one an ael bouth girt an small Jin'd in tha jollification Ta zelebrate tha grantin o' A bran new Carperation. Twurden becaas tha woold'n wur dade Tha voke did zo rejoice It wur becaas in thease ta come Hache one shid av a voice. Var dree long years ower people had Bin tryin hard tagether Tho' many a draaback thay did have Thay stuck ta it like leather. Var ael that time thease Charter scheme Zart a hung upon a dread. Tha knowin ones ael prophesied Tood be knock'd on tha yead. 2 At las, ael dout wur zet a raste, Tha Queen zent down ta zay A Charter shood be granted we That too wieout delay. Tha Mayer then a quick did hold A meetin in Town Hall An a strong committee zoon wur choos'd Ta get up a vestival. Zubscriptions too wur promised vree An zoon enuff wur vound Var rich an poor did gie their mite Vrim zixpence to a pound. An zoo tha time wur vixed ta be Tha ninth day of Zeptember An I'll warn tha childern ael Thic ar day will remember. At vower a 'clock on thic ar marn Wur busslen zigns a life Tha young chaps ban a marchen out Ta zound a drum an fife ; An boomin cannins wur let off Avore tha clock het vive Be zix, begar, mwoast every street, Like bees wur ael alive, A decoratin up their house Wie vlaigs an vlowers gay. An zome long wreaths did stretch across Eight auver tha roadway. Devices gran, an motters vine, Met ee in every quarter, An here an there wur painted up Zuccess ta ower new Charter. An nayshin purty ael did look Be mid-day I assure ee, Wich wur tha time vix'd ta begin Thease glad vestivity.' Then Marshall Carse on his white hoss. Like a Ginril at review, Wur riden here, an riden there, Tell'un voke wur ta go. Var a gran percession wur ta be Of ael tha clubs in town To march in raink, ael droo hache street, Like men a girt renown. &' Precisely at tha hour vixed Tha ban begun ta play, Var ael wur in good order now An vit ta march away. In vront a banner ther wur car'd, On wich wur painted new. The neames a Kings who charters gied Haight under' d year agoo. Vrim Hin tha vust to Victorier Twelve charters you cud zee At different times be royal voke Had bin granted ta we. Ael on em mwoast, in pervect steat In Town Hall as ya know, An ony two mwore plazin can Zich hankshint charters show. Then com tha Wilton band a brass A blowin long an loud An well, poor chaps, thay kep it up Wie martial ardour proud. Then come tha Waver' s hankshint club, Tha wooldest of tha lot ; An nex tha Good Zamaritans Who had a donkey got, An on un " Georgy Binden " zat Look un as proud' s a king 'Till tha neddy lifted up behind An Georgy off did vling. Up went a jolly hearty laff, Vrim thic ar merry crowd, Ta zee thic zaccy leetle moke Dethrone a king za proud. Bit Georgy diden zeem ta keer, Jist gied his pants a rub. Then did remount, an off a went Ta lead tha donkey club. The Wilton branch a tha Wilsheer club Nex in percession keam An " Jonny Passens " weavd tha vlaiy A Estcourts noble feam. Oddfejlers nex, wie zaish an star. Vine banner, to unfirld, Ta represent tha biggest club There is in ael tha wordle. An then tha merry Voresters In Kobbin Hood attire, Wie leetle Jan, an Scarlet Will, An woold Tuck ther vriar. An then tha two girt Vire Brigades, Wie engines in good trim, An poor woold •** Zam " wie waater cart Lookin za laink an slim. An ael tha schools brought up tha rare Led wie tha fife an drum. An long an loud tha young uns cheer'd Till nearly auvercome. Wen ael wur jist a gwain ta start, Tha Mayer did appear. An wen tha voke kotch zite a he Thay zet up zich a cheer. Var as a stood a Town Hall dooer Ta wish ess ael good-bye It raaly wur a lectin zite An mead me heave a zigh. Var, a hankshint institutions I Aelwys av girt respect, An wen they be abolished Me heart aelwys da feet. Bit as thease wordle jogs along Minoplies mist be broke. An, laas, they mist be alterd zo's Ta zuit tha wirkin voke. Zoo, wen we'd wish'd tha Mayer good-bye An cheer' d un long an loud, Off went thease girt percession gran Jist like a harmy proud. Droo every street thay took ther way. Ban's piayin, an bells ringin, An voke a shoutin long an loud. An bwoys an maidens zingin. An wen tha town wur done, ael march 'd Ta reckcreashin ground. An there varm'd up in a girt ring, Twur a zite ta look' around. An atter we had gied dree cheers Var Queen an Carperation, We ael broke up var ta parteak Of a nice girt colleration. An in a girt lang tent cloas bye Tha nuncheon wur laid out, Girt jints a beef, an piles a brade, An barrels a yale, an stout. At two a'clock, wich wur tha time Var haaf tha voke ta veed. In thay did come vive underd strong, Zich a zite ya never zeed ; Ta zee em there za jolly like Hache one be cheervul veace Stan auveright ther well-vill'd plate An heartily zing ther grace. An then ta zee tha knives an varks Za merrily at wirk, I'm dang if there wur one on em Who did thic ar job shirk. Had you bin there I'm zure yer heart Much sympathy hood veel Ta zee ower toilen leabern voke Enjoyin thic ar meal. I ony wish I wur a king An had things me own way I'm drat if poor voke shudden have Zich a tuck out every day. 8 Zoo atter thease had had the - vill, Wich diden teak em long, In come tha tother haaf an thay Wm^ quite vive underd strong. An Hke tha totherem thay had As much as thay cood ate, An no misteak thay jay'd it much Ta zee ther empty plate. Zoo wen tha big uns had ael done, Wich wur be vower a'clock, Under ds a childern roun tha tent Mwoast hageily did vlock. Yar a good tay thay wur taav, Brade, butter, an plum keak, An heartily tha young uns too Of ael o't did parteak. Dozens a willin waiters kind Did wait upon em there Zo's hache on em bouth big an small Shid av ther proper sheare. Zoo when tha veedin wur ael done An voke well primed wee in Ta reckreashin groun thay gooes Tha spourts var ta begin. An here tha voke wur thick as hops, Tha zene, jist like a vair, 9 Ael zarts a pastimes wur gwain on, An musements everywhere. A Punch an Judy show ther wur Wich plazed tha young uns mainly, Tha woold uns too wur tickled much If I mist tell ee plainly. Racen var bwoys, an maidens too, Jumpin in girt zack baigs, An battledore an shuttlecark. An racen we dree laigs. An then come on a tug a war Across tha Wiley river. An lore tha zitement that it caas'd Did make tha people quiver. Haight Oddfellers, haight Voresters, Girt chaps lusty an strong, Stood on hache baink a holden tight A rope za thick an long. An atter they had midger'd out Hache zide ther proper laingth At bugle zound thay did let in An pull wie ael ther straingth. Bit skierce two minutes had gone by Tha rope began ta biwer An Voresters head auver heels Went vloundern in tha river. 10 Tha people roared wie laffin then Ta zee em tumble in, Var thay girt stups, steeds lettin goo Got wet droo ta tha skin. As long's I live I shaan't varget Thic ar girt tug a war, Var I back'd up tha Voresters An drippence lost, begar. Then ael at wonce a bell did ring An eyes wur turned ta zee A conzart now w^ur ta begin A nigger minstrelsy. Ten wooly-headed chaps ther wur, Wie feacin black as ink, Wie eyes za rid an mouth za wide, Vrim Mericky I think. An on a girt high hooden steage, Bout vive veet vrim tha groun, Thay took ther sates an then tha voke Be underds vlock'd aroun. Ael zarts a insterments thay'd got Bezides a gran pianner. A auverture thay zoon het up Begar, twur woth a tanner. An thay did play, an dance, an zing Hache one a leetle ditty 11 While bounes and tamberine did crack Ther vunny jokes za witty. Ta zee tha keapers zom o'm cut As up ther thay did zit It raaly tickled zo tha voke Zom o'm wur like ta split. Bounes zung a zong, an twur about Tha grantin o' tha charter, An mainly he did muse tha voke Cheers come vrim every quarter. Zoo wen tha niggers had a done Ther entertainment droll A rush wur mead across tha groun Ta wards tha gracy pole. An ther a chap caal'd " Jumbeler " His jacket did unbutton Var he wur gwain to dim tha pole An get thic laig a mutton. Zoo up a got, we pluck za fess, Ta try an rache tha top. Bit vore a had got many veet Down he come zich a vlop. Undaanted, up agean he gooes Wie zich determined veace, Bit zoon wur bliged ta gie it up A wur dab'd zo we greace. 12 A chap neam'd Vincent then come up An took tha job in hand, An well his clothes a' auver rub'd Wie zawdoust an we zand. An var a nower nearly he Did try we ael his might, Ta rache thic laig, a hangen there Bit cooden do it quite. At las ! be persyverance hard, An pluck, an courage bwold, Begar, a got up high enough Tha end on en ta hold. Tha crowd thay cheer'd, an cried hold hard, Wich zeem'd ta gie un pow'r. Then we his knife a cut zom string An loos'd a baig a vlow'r. Zoon, like a millard down a come. His yead an veace ael white. An roun his wrist, hetch'd on we string, He'd got tha laig za tight. An zich a cheer, tha people gied, Wen thay zeed he'd a got un, An purty quick a scarperd off Wie thick gert laig a mutton. Zoo now twur gettin on ta dark An luminations grand 13 A gas, an Chinese lanterns Wur lit on every hand. An virewirks, we hissin naise, Girt rockets, zich a hite. We wheels, an squibs, an crackers loud. The voke twur nuff to vrite. An vire baloons, za big an roun, Wur let up in tha sky An like a spec amang tha clouds Wur zoon lost ta neak'd eye. An atter thease gran virewirks Tha band begun ta play, An woold an young an girt an small Begun ta dance away. An zich a taingled mass a voke A bobbin here an there Beat everything I ever zeed At Whitzuntide ar vair ; Var everybiddy I cood zee On pleasure wur intent Ta zee how thay did romp about In jayous merriment. An vast an vurious did goo on Thease merry lively zene Till ten on em tha clock het out Then ael zung out, tha Queen. 14 An loud an hearty cheers wur gied Var tha woold Carperation, Likewise var tha committee who Got up tha joUification. An var tha house a Pemberook Dree cheers wur gied bezide, Caas var tha peoples good we knaa Ther hearts be open wide. Thus closed thease memerable day Tha girt big Zelebration On tha grantin of a Charter var A lected Carperation. May thease Charter be var ower weal, It's power lets rightly use, An show tha wordle thease priveleges We never will abuse. May heav'n bless an prasper ael In thease yer hankshint town, An like our vore fiathers " its neam" Untarnish'd, we'll hand down. 15 JOE AN TOM: A TEETOTAL YAEN JOE. Good grayshus, Tummas, ow de do? Why, hoo'd a thought a zeein you ? Voke thinks you'm in a voreign clime, Ya hant bin zeed, ver zich a time. In Austilyer or Americky, We zurely thought ya now hood be ; Bit raaly, Tom, ya looks main well, An bissen too, a girt big swell, Wie that vine clothes, an thic goold chain Thee beant a leabourer now, that's plain ; Ya've had a wind vail I allow. Thee zurely now dwont vollie plough. TOM. Well ! ya med steer at I vren Joe, Za different ta zom time ago, Bit let me gie ee ta unnerstan I hant a zeed nar voreign Ian, Tis zartin true, var zom time now. That I've a gied up voUein plough. Bit I've ad nar wind vail as ya think, Bit this is het ; I've gied up drink. JOE. What ! ! ! Tom Whissler turn'd teetotaler, What ever nex will my ears hear ; 16 Var ael I knowd in my time past Ta turn, I thought thee'st be tha last, What, Tom Whissler, tha merry chap As var nuthen diden keer a rap, Who every night down at tha Bear, Wur tha jolHest veller there. Who cood joke, an smoke, an drink beer, An zing a zong za nice an clear. An in winter, gean tha vire warm Wie ael tha chaps apon tha varm, Cood'st crack a joke an tell a tale, We any on'em in thease vale, Who at dice, an cards, a reglar ard'un, A dapster, too, at cork an varden. Who were look'd to, be ael tha bwoys, Ta zettle up any leetle naise. Who's very look, ar nod wur laa, Ta quickly stop ther clammern jaa ; Eece, an carry off wie thee mwore beer Than any oance wieout bein queer. Why, I never dram'd thee'st com ta this, Unless thee'st jin'd tha Methodis, Who var varty years an mwore, I think, Av bin runnin down a drap a drink. TOM. Eece, an honner to em, good vren Joe, That thay at drink av struck a blow, Tis right enuff wot you've a zed Bout me young days, wat a life I led When you thought I a jolly veller 17 Bekaws I wur a leetle meller Wen I wur on a drunken bout An cud carry twice as much about A dale a yarm it done, I know it Ony, begar, I never show it. Nuthen but drink I then did crave, Ta drink, vren Joe, I wur a slave, But now I've done, I'll tell ee plain Tha stuff I'll never touch again ; An if, vren Joe, you'in in tha mine I'll tell ee how twur I did zign. JOE. Well, as I've a leetle time ta speer, Tha stawry, Tom, I'd like ta hear Var zeems ta I za martil queer Thot thee shid'st gie up drinkon beer, I wur gwain ta ax thee, I declare, Ta goo we I down to tha Bear, Bekaws I thought thee kine woold heart Var vrenships zeak hood stan a quart, Howzemdever, lets tha stawry hear How twer thee'st turn'd teetotaler. TOM. Wen zix years agoo I lav'd thease pleace I diden know where ta turn me veace, Me clothes an boots wur martil bad. An dree an zix wur ael I had, An as I trudged along tha road At me heart there led a heavy load ; 18 Var I raaly diden zeem ta know Which way ta steer ar wur ta go, Zoo on I plodded wor'd an wary, Var miles miles apon tha highway drary. Till at a Pub apon tha way Tired out, I wur obliged ta stay. An there me money zoon did shrink The time I'd paid var lodge an drink Tho var any job me hands wur willin, I vound my zelf wieout a shillin. Zo I resolved at tha nex town That com what hood, I'd zettle down. VuU thirty miles it wur qtiite Avore I rach'd a town thic night, An then I vown that I'd a com Nearly a underd miles vrim worn. Zoo wen twur light nex marnin I Ael bout thic town var wirk did try, An nearly gied up in dispear Till, I vill in wie a gierdener Who ax 'd if I cood dig an plant As chap var that he wur in want. Za I took tha job wieout delay Var dree months at haf-a-crown a day. Tha time had nearly slipp'd away, Wen measter comes ta I one day An zays young man yer quarter's gone, Bit if ya like ya can stop on, An if var twelve months you'll agree Steeds haf-a-crown I'll gie ee dree. 19 0, thankee, zir, I zoon replies While tears a joy rin'd out me eyes, Ya zartinly be very kine, Ta lave ee I hant got no mine. Bit, ah, friend Joe, I'm vex'd ta zay It done no good ta rise me pay, Var every night when work wur done Ta public house I hoff did run Companion topers zoon I vound, Notorious drinkers ael around. Smokin' an boozen every night Wur me whole an zole delight. Till turn out time, then wom did slink, An roll ta bade zoak'd out wie drink. Me wirk I zoon begun ta gleet. An ta be zack'd I did expect, Za I shoud, bit tha rason why Measter got drunk as well as I. An za at I a cooden sneer Wen a zeod I wur tha wust var beer. Well, things went on vrim bad ta wuss, Var nuthen I diden keer a cuss, Drinken an spenden wie ael me might Kuinin me zoul an body quite. Till dree year agoo las Crismis eve Zumm't happ'd thee ardly hoot believe Wich I shaant varget, ah never vear If I da live a underd year. A young chap who I caal'd me chum, Who a drap a drink zoon auvercom, Perposed that he an I shid spen 20 Crismis eve in gwain ta zee a vren Var a adden zeed un zich a while, An twerden vur, about zix mile, We'll av a boss an trap, zays he, Zo's we can teak it haisely. O, eece, I'm one wie thee, zays I, An on me gwain thee mid'st rely. Za wen ower wirk wur done thic day, Hoff bouath oance went wie sperits gay, Well laden wie a drap a prime Cos doosen zee twer Crismis time, An purty well we did carouse Avore we got ta his vren's house Wich wur a Public on tha green Tha neam on it tha King an Queen. Bout haite a clock we did arrive An tha house wie voke wur ael alive, Var tha Host wur one, who did believe In being jolly on Crismis eve ; An zo ta keep tha sazon up Customers wur vited in ta sup. An na misteak grub ther wur plenty Ta satisfy tha haite an twenty, Wich wur tha number that zat down Bezides me chum an I vrim town. An na misteak var a nower quite Hache oance did ate wie ael his mite. An ater that we did carouse, As cheermain zed var good'th house. Var wen tha cloth wur clared away Hache one var his own drink mist pay. 21 Gallons a beer wur zoon brought in Then bottles a brandy, rum, and gin ; An merrily on tha time did jog. As we zat there an drunk ower grog Hache zung his zong, hache crack'd his joke Tha room wur vill'd wie naise, and smoke. Then guarts a nice gin hot wur brew'd Till haf tha company wur screw'd. Tha drink went down, zom vill asleep, Zom manag'd out tha door ta creep, Like lunatics, we ael wur dazed, Zom zilly, zuUen, an amazed ; When landlard he out loud did shout Tis twelve a clock, ya must turn out, Zo good chaps ael, wieout delay Quietly I trust ya'll goo away. Well, up I gets ta vind me vriend, Who wur asleep the tother end. Com Jack, zays I, com stir about, Tis twelve o'clock, we mist turn out. Wie that I haul'd un to his veet, An got un out into the street. Wur trap and pony bouth wur ready, An hoff we went not auver steady ; Var Jack 'e zeem'd mwore dade 'n alive, Zo I took hold tha rains ta drive. " Let goo," zays he, ** diss think I'm tite ? Thee mine thee zelf, I be ael rite." Then wie tha whip, tha pony he Did lash away ; we zeem'd ta vlee. " Var God zeak do pull up," zays I, 22 *' Thee't drave ess up tha baink, bim bye. Bit no, a diden, nar hooden heed, Bit, Jehu Hke, kept up tha speed. There wur no moon, we had no lamp, Tha road, dark as a dismal swamp. An vore we had got skierce a mile Mi blood wur up an like ta bwile, Var I velt zure that zom mishap Hood auverteak ess in thic trap. " Var heav'n's zeak do let I drave, If thee to-night our necks oot save." Bit, no ; mwore stubborn than a pig. Declared a did enjoy tha jig. An grunted out in mumblin talk, If I like I cood get out an walk. Bit, no, I cudden lave me mate Aloane, a draven in thic state. And zo I let un av his way, Tho' I rue it till thease very day ; Var bout a mile vrim tha town. As a steep hill we wTir rattlin' down. Like lightenin along dash'd we ; Tha leetle pony zeem'd to vlee. Bit, skiercly we had got haf way, Var his volly ee had dear to pay, Var ael at once tha pony stumbled. An out bouth on ess zoon wur tumbled. A hair-breath eskeap. I met no harm, Seave a bruised nose an broken yarm ; An to myzelf, when I'd a com, 23 I zet ta work ta help me chum. Eece, there he wur, just wur he vill, Stretch'd out upon thic road quite still, Wie his veace downurds in tha mud, Ael covered up wie dirt and blood. Var he'd a pitch'd rite on his yead, And there e lay like one that's dead. I lissened hard ta hear un breath ; Bit ah, his buzzom zeaced ta heave. Eece, gone vur ever wur that breath, An there a lay in tha hands a death. Ah, Joe, ya never can zurmize My veelins at tha glassy eyes Of thick young man, who zuddently Wur hurried to eternity. It nearly drove I to despair To zee his bleeden body there. Just picter to yerzelf, vriend Joe, My steat a mind, my bitter woe, Ta be in zich a awful plight. An in tha middle of tha night. Ah, twur a terryable warnin', Ta I, on thic ar Crismis marnin'. Then at tha inquest wich took place, I wur rated zoundly, thee midst gace, Var tha Coroner a diden shrink Ta tell I that it wur droo drink. " Young man," zed he, " a hinstance zad Of thease yer drinkin' bouts you've had ; 24 Teak my advice, an vrim this day Never touch that as leades astray." An vrim tha day a thic mishap, Vren Joe, I've never teast a drap. JOE. Well, raaly, Tummas, I mist zay Twur nuff ta vill ee wie dismay, An meak ee shmi a drap a drink. When on yer vren's feate you da tliink. Bit, I raaly can't think I shid stint Acos a thic there accidint. Not only that, very well ya know Thers thousands in thease wordle below That in moderation avs a drap. An never av ad no mishap. Bezides, diss know, a leetle cup A' nice whoam brew'd ull cheer ee up. An ael auver zeems ta do ee good When you be in a dullish mood. An a leetle drap a grog thee'st know Da zet yer woold heart in a glow. TUMMAS. 0, eece, vren Joe, 'tis very true Of moderate drinkers there's a vew Who neer av bin tha wuss var drink, Aelthough they mid bin on tha brink. Bit this, me vren, ya must convess. If there's no drink there's no excess. 25 Var zom, when once thay teast tha stuff, Dwont never know when thay've enough ; An this ya know, var zartin zure, Teetotallers aelways be zecure ; Var if from it thay do abstain, Thay can't get drunk, that's purty plain. Bit, yer moderate drinker's never zure Bit what zom day it med allure. An he mid teak mwore than he meant, Aelthough it mid be gainst his bent. Ah, 'tis a temptin, dangerous snare, An vrom its wiles, vren Joe, teak care. JOE. That's true, what you've a zed, I think Yoke can't get drunk if thay dwont di'ink Bit, then, ya zee, 'tis nayshun ard A drap a lotion to discard ; Specially when corns on tha cheep. Who ever cood teetotaller keep. Bezides, how nice a nower da pass Wie a vren in avin a social glass. 'Tis very well var voke that's wake. Who offen avs a drunken frake, An spens there money at tha pub ; While wife an vamily wants var grub. An bout ael day da idle lurk, A boozen, steeds a doin work. Bit then, diss know, I beant like thay Var I ony spens vourpence a day. 26 TUMMAS. Vourpence a day, if that's ael, Joe, 'Tis two and vower a week, diss know. An if ya reckons var a year, Ta zix pounds it'll come main near, x\n, doosen think, it purty dear Ta pay out var a drap a bee r ? An wats a got, ta show var it ? Nuthen at ael, thee must admit. Now, if that money thee did'st save, A lot a comferts thee cud'st have. Thee zoon cud'st buy a watch an chain ; An if tha landlord did complain An at thee turn up his rid nose, Com out in a new suit a clothes. Woold chums at vust thqe't zure ta fend, Bit, thay'U like thee better in tha end. Zo never mind a bit their chaff, 'Tis thee as can avoord ta laff ; Var zunce I turn'd teetotaller, Wich is getten on var vower year, I've seaved a tidy bit a chink Wich ood a gone in that ar drink. Not ony that, zunce measter died, Tha missus do in I confide, An now I'm manager ya zee, An tha bussiness carries on var she. An who knows, bit wat zom day she med Ax I if I'm inclined ta wed, Var bless thee heart tha wimmen voke Zart a leans to a teetotal bloke. 27 JOE. Well, raaly Tummas, I mist own Zom waity rasons you've a shown, Why I shid gie up drinken beer, An zeave me money year by year. I plainly zee dwont do much good An gie it up got mi'nt I hood. TUMMAS. Com on then, Joe, meak up thee mine. Com down ta coffee shop an zine, An ther we'll ave a jolly tay, An var it ael thee vren'll pay. I'm zartin zure thee't never regret Bit bless tha day we bouath oance met. JOE. Eece zo I will an now yer gooes Ta zine tha pledge an keep vrim boose ; Good-bye, me drinken vrens, good-bye, Shaant wet wie you nar nother eye. Good-bye woold landlord of tha Bear, I hant got no mwore caish ta spare, Zo dwont ee tempt me high nar low, I tell ee straight, no mwore var Joe. '>'^:t^^^:7<^ 28 GRAMFER SHAANT GOO INTA WfRKHOUSE. Nunno ! a shaant goo inta Wirkhouse While I've a crowst a bread, An can manage var ta keep A roof auver me yead. As long as I have got me health, An straingth ta yarn a shillin, An tha parish voke uU low a bit, Ta keep un I be willin ; An if tha wunt, I'd zooner pinch Than zee un goo up there, Aelthough tis baddish times enough, An nuthen I've ta speare. Var poor woold man he's haighty two. His hair's as white as snow, An totterin is his gait an step A da sheak an trimble zo. Mworn zixty years a shepperdin A wur apon tha plaain. As bwoy an man a tenden sheep In wind an starm an rain. An many be tha zites he've zeed. An many be tha tales, 29 What happen'd when a wur a bwoy Amang thease hills an vales. When I, a chile, how many times He've took I on his knee, An twould I bout girt Wellinton An his veamous victory. An tears thay hood rin out his eyes, As thic tale he went droo, Var his ony bwoy ; my fiather brave, Wur killed at Waterloo. Eece, an well he caals ta mine tha day When tha steage coach did rattle We lightenin speed ael droo thease vale We news of thic girt battle. How, when a stopped a leetle while At tha public on tha green, Tha village voke ael vlock'd aroun Ta hear tha news za keen. And when twur know'd that Wellinton, Had konkerd Bonnypart, What cheers went up, za long, an loud, Vrim every English heart. Var droo tha country Bonny' s neam Had caas'd voke girt alarm, An down right thankvull wur em now A cooden do no yarm. 30 An long tha thankvul cheers went up, An drink went vreely round. We jay, becaas tha English voke Had beat tha Vrenchmin zound. Nevir avore an nevir zunce, Av there bin zich adoo Ael droo tha Ian, as when tha news Did com bout Waterloo. Var twur a glorious vite, da zaay Woold zawljers, brave an hoary. Who's livin now ta tell about Thic ar veam'd day a glory. Bit when tha vlush a victory Had passed away again. What mwournen did goo droo tha Ian Var thousands that wur slain. An when tha news rach'd Gramfer's cot That fiather he wur kill'd, What tears wur shed what anguish keen Mother an Gramfer vill'd. Bit nevir mind me lass, zaays he, A fiather now I'll be, Thy mate, my zon, died viten var His King an countery. Tha widder an tha vatherless A took into his cot. 31 An well a keer'd var bouath a we, Till I ta manhood got. An shill I then, now he is woold, Not yeable var ta wirk, Ze un goo hoff ta Wirkhouse, An me bounden duty shirk. Nunno, a shant goo inta Wirkhouse Bit com an sheare me cot, Tho' main scanty be me means, A shill have haf I got. Var poor woold man he's helpless quite, An veeble as a chile. His wants be vew, his heart's content, Var ael he've got a smile. An shood er live a vew mwore years, I'll do me baste ta cheer An brighten up his days a bit, As long as he be here. In zummer wen tha days be warm, In archet he shill perch, Under tha girt elm tree an watch Tha voke goo inta church. An wen tha evenins thay be vine I'll vill his heart wie jay, An teak un out amang tha zenes, A rambled wen a bwoy. 32 I'll draa un out on top tha hill, In Squire's dree- wheel' d cheer, Zo's he can look aroun wonce mwore On zones that be za dear An wen tha gloomy winter comes An vrost an snow be here, He shall zit warm an cozy like In his girt big yarm cheer. An while tha log is burnin bright Agean he shall goo droo His oft twould tale a Wellinton An tha vite at Waterloo. Zoo a shaant goo inta Wirkhouse, While I've a crowst a bread An can manage var ta keep A roof auver me yead. SECOND EPISSLE TO J — NOW OF CALGAEY, CANADA. Januaey, 1890. Dear Jim, thy peardin I mist baig Var zure, thee mist think I da laig In zenden thee, a leetle scraig A humble rhyme. Bit there, thee'st knaaw a rhymin waig Mist bide his time. 33 Me past neglect thee mist excuse, Bit jist ta day, da wirk tha muse, Zo to me pen an ink, yer gooes, Ta scrawl a line, Ta thee a leetle bit a news I'll try, conzine. Bit vust, I hope theezelf an wife Be comfortable in your new Ufe The coose we knaa trials be rife Where ere ya be Na biddy mang thease wordles strife Vrom em be vree. An na dout, bouth on'ee av had Yer ups an downs, bouth good an bad. Bit truly I da hope, me lad, Ya've brav'd em ael Ta hear tis zo, I shill he glad Be tha nex mail. Thy new year's caird com zeaf ta ban An hagerly we bouth did scan Thic missive vrim thic vur off Ian Done at Calgary A long be tha wild Indian : Twer vunny, very. Ah, Jim, I oft da picter thee min Wie missus, zated in yer cabin An fancy, tales I hear ee spin, 34 Like two exciles, Bout yer woold vales, yer kith an kin In Brittans Isles. An offen I da wonder, too, What zites you've zeed, what things bin droo, Bit like as steel, thy heart is true Za kind an umble Var at nought thee hoot'sn meek ado Nar niver grumble. Vrim V y oft spoose thee diss hear Vrim vrens an layshins there za dear, Zometimes nae doubt da drop a tear Wen offen you Do think on yer young days career, Long years agoo. I rade yer letter, ael in prent Ta tha Zalsbry peaper tha ya zent, A very yeable dockyment An vine review A things in Narwace continent Ya picter'd true. A Brittish pollyticks, na dout. As much as I, thee'se knaa about In spaches long zom o'm da spout, Var now a day Tha news da vill tha wordle droo-out Wie out delay. 35 Tha biggest job we got on ban Is this Worn Eule var Irelan. A parleymint thay do daman Apeart vrim we. Bit gree wie that, dang if I can, What good id't be ? Meast'r Gladstin's plan want never do, Tho tis back'd we a tidy vew. If car'd, tha country zoon hood rue Thee midst depen, An civil war, tid zoon lead too Mangst Irishmen. Var Orange voke, tha do dissent, An zaays thay niver will consent Ta av a Irish parleyment Thame contented quite ; An thay da swear tis their intent Geanst arn ta vite. Zoo I tell thee, Jim, twix one an tother, Tiv mead a terryable bother, Voke gets za cross we one another, About Wom Rule ; Their veelins nuthen zeems ta smother Nar anger cool. Gladstin av lost, good men an true, Tha Lib'rels have split up in two An tha pearty's in a purfcy stew ; 36 No chaance ta mend, An drat if I can jist zee droo How'ts gwain ta end. Ther's Hartington an Chamberlain, John Bright, an Jeames, ColHns, an Caine, Bout haighty on em, in tha main, We one conzent Av vow'd in languidge purty plaain, Geanst thease parleymint. Var thay da think tis zeperation Tha Irish wants vrim thease yer nation, That's tha caas of tha bodderation. Parnell declares Ta peart thay got no inclination. An this he swares. Bit, dis think, a Irish parleyment. Is gwain ta meak tha voke content An cure ael this ere mad dissent ? ] dwoant, begar. Bad blood I thinks it hood voment An breed a war. Tha Unionist be ael agreed Var Irelan ta intercede An meak good laas, that she da need, An bye and bye. Local Government thay will concede Var em ta try. 37 I've zed enough bout Irelan Var thee my views ta unnerstan I trust thy spect, I shill comman An thee't agree Not var to spHt thease hempire gran Now, strong an vree. Bout poUytiks dwoant knaa that I Av got much mwore ta zertify Bit a coose that dwoant much zigerfy Var as I zed Ael o't na dout da meet thy eye, Mwoast on't thee'se read. Tha truth ta tell, begar, I'm zick A poUyticks an ael tha click, Nuthen but quarrels thay da pick Wie one another. Zom o'm, begar, I'd like ta kick, Var their girt bother. Ther's Eandy, tho' a cleverish chap, Dwoant keer var noan o'm, not a rap, At Ead ar Tawry he will snap, Dwoant matter wich. An right an lift ther feacin slap, Wie his keen switch. It zeems tha Oppersition's bent On structin laas that be well ment, Ta nuthen thay wunt gie conzent, 38 Bit loud da shout Ta try an end tha parleyment, An turn ael out. This thay declares thay ought ta do, Cos at, bye-lections not a vew Gladstounians av won, thats true, Bit what a that, Geanst Governments thay aelways goo, It's tit var tat. Bit vren, as vur as I can zee No girt veelin's in tha countery Ta change tha present Ministry, An I admit If we ael ther acts I caant agree Thame men a grit. An I dwoant think, at any rate, Thay shood gie up tha reins a state Cos a zartin click da agitate, Jist let em bide Their time, then ower votes'll zeal their veat. An zoon decide. Well, Jim, ower County Councils now Be lected, an I mist allow We've got zim good men at tha prow. An bye an bye Var tha country good, till be I trow Things 'U rectify. 39 Zoo now I spoose thee'se had enough A this here zorry rhymin stuff Tha lingo, tho it med zeem rough Ta poHshd ear, We Willshire people, woold an tough, Still holds it dear. Varewell, tho vawer thousand mile Da zeperate thee vrom thease isle, Tha distance thee can'st reckinzile, Knawin that I Da think apon thee ael tha while An, till I die. POST SCRIP. June, 1890. Jist one wird mwore, I now mist zay, We got thy letter tother day An rade un droo wieout delay, How plazed wur we Ta zee tha news ya did convey Bout tha countery. I'm glad ta hear ya got tha book, An hope wen in un you da look Ya'll think a zenes ya av varsook, Praphs drap a tear, Var vrens, vrim whom ya took yer hook In Willshire dear. 40 Zorry ta rade what craps ya've lost Be hanimals an zummer vrost, Var ony thay, can count tha cost As mist endure Misvartins wen yer path, thay cross, Speci'Uy tha poor. Thay Coyotes mainly do tarment Wen unawares thay meaks decent An mang yer vlocks meaks ravisment Speed yer woold collie. An if a caant ther wirk prevent, Pour in a volley. Yer woold vren L -y, Missus Il- ls well in health, bit lots a wurry, She got zix young uns, var ta vlurry, A vamily quite. She offen do inquire var ee. Wen she da write. G 's down in Devonshire An doin purty well we hear, Dree strappen bwoys she got ta cheer, Wie ther mad prainks, She zaays one on em she cood speer, I zaays no thanks. I tell ee what it is me vriend, A bother young uns beant no end An as heav'n noan, ta we did zend 41 Ta cheer ower life, Dwoant want em now, thee midst depend Mwore dwoant tha wife. Bit let me zee praphs I'm ta vast How bout yerzelves, then mid I hast, Ya diden menshin in yer last Bout vamilee, Begar, strainge things da com ta pass In a strainge countery. I shood be plazed I do declare Ta hear ya'd got a zon an hayre, Zummit ta cheer ee up out thayre, In loanly hower, An help drave out a bit a care, Wen bout da low'r. Ower mutal vren, young L d Jack, Las time I zeed un, look'd main sprack. His vunny jokes a still da crack, As well as ever, A da meak ee laff, till you be black, An sheak an biwer. His smilin veace I oft da zee As a dwont live very vur vrim we, I took thy letter down ta he An thee mid'st guess Wie what delight a slap'd his knee An, bouath on ee bless. 42 An now dear Jim thee zurely must Think thasem lines as dry as dust An wish 'em auver in disgust Zoo here I'll end Be wishen thee good health, robust, An wealth ta spend. An dwoant be long avore thee'se write An tell ess if thee beest aelright. Likewise if things is lookin bright, Var well thee'se know Thy letters aelways do delight Thy woold vren, " Slow." THA HARD WINTER A NINETY ONE Noo ! noo ! I never shaant varget While thease yer life da run, Thease yer terryable winter hard A haighteen nintey one. Tho many times I've yeard woold voke, Likewise me fiather zay. What girt, terryable winters thay Did av in his young day. An leetle did I think that zoon We wur ta av a teast 43 Of they woold Vayshin winters cwoold Well, not za hard at least. Var now tis auver, zeven weeks Jack vrost av rul'd tha land Tight in his grip, we be bound up Like to a iren band. Tha vrozen snow apon tha roads Is slippery as glass We girt high snow drifts, here an there, Ther's skiercly room ta pass. Hosses an waggons caant goo out, Stuck vast is every wheel, An mail carts be deep snowed up An business zeems stood still. On every hedge, an bush, an tree Snow hangs like blossoms white. An vield an down is covered up Vive ar zix inches quite. Rivers an ponds be ael vroze up As hard amwoast as glass An crowds a voke da slide an skeat Away tha time ta pass. School childern run an play about Apon its slippery vloor. An down thay come we many a bump Which meaks em laff an roar. 44 An coortin couples dance about Ael up an down tha stream An many a tumble zom da get, Ta hear how thay do scream. Girt daiglets hangs down vrim tha eaves Of ower thatch'd roof cot. Wur snug inzide tha woold voke zays, How happy be their lot. Var roun tha coal bright vire thay Be cuddled up tagether An thinkin bout poor craaters who Mist veace this wintry weather. Tha winder panes is dim we rime, Like veathers graven there. Outzide tha howlin winds da blow, Mwoore snow starms in tha air. An down da come in whirrlin vlakes, Which mainly plaze tha bwoys. An off thay gooes a snowballin We shout an merry noise. An in tha village street thay mwould A girt big man a snow. We numbed hands da beat ther brist An vinger nails da blow. Ower sheppherd he mwost anxious is This terryyable weather. 45 Var oft in snow drifts he da vind His vlock, huddled tagether. Var days an nights zom av bin miss'd, Buried in snow bainks deep. An his vaithvul dog a scowers roun Ta vind tha varnished sheep. An he, auver tha vrozen snow In every drift, ull prowl, An wen at last a lights on em Zet up a piteous howl. Then every han apon tha varra. Led be thic vaithvul scout. We speades ull hasten to tha spot An dig tha poor things out. Poor leetle birds da shrimp about We many a ruffled veather. An underda on em lays about Starv'd, be this artic weather. Team robbin ridbrist, he da hop Inzide yer open dooer. An pityvul looks in yer veace Yer pity to implore. Blackbirds an drushes, too, come up Expectant var a sheare, An hard, begar, mist be thic heart As wunt a vew crumbs speer. 46 Jist watch em, gean tha hood house there, Behine thic rotten bouard, A zearchen out tha slunibern snails Wur zacritly thay houard. We what dehght ther picked bill Thay drust into ther cell. An then on zom zelected stoune In pieces daish tha shell. Var hedgerow berries be ael gone Not one's left on a spray, An dilligently thay mist zarch Var grub as comes hache day. Pity that wanton man ere shood Thease zongsters lives cut short, An in ther wake steat shoot em down An caal it manly spourt. It oft av pain'd me heart ta zee, On a Crismis hallerday Girt louten chaps goo off we guns An douzens on em slay. If I wur Queen I'd meak a laa, I hood apon me wird, An he shid pay a smeart^sh vine As kill'd a zingin bird. Babbits, an hares, vrim yander copse In vain tha snow da scratch, 47 An unger meaks em bwould ta com Eight in ower gierden patch. Tha bark ael off tha hazzel trees Thay've knaa'd till thay be bare An auver snow in vlocks thay go In zearch a daily vare. Poor things thay be za skinny got Thame nuthen skierce bit bounes Var swedes an turmets be vroze up As hard amwoast as stounes. Tis bad var man, tis bad var beast, Zich a winter as this here. Bit mwoastly var poor cottage voke As vinds on't mwoast zevere. Var extry grub an clothes thay wants Spec'ly when thame got woold, An cheervul vires in dry snug cots Out of tha bitter cwoold. An zoo I trust ya rich voke wunt Varget ta len a han While this distressvull weather lasts An Jack Vrost rules tha Ian. ^^-^^^^itlT^-*^ 48 AN APPEAL VAR THA POOE ATTEE EADEN BOUT THA DISTEESS IN OWEE GIET TOWNS. Agean tha drary winters come An vrost an snow once mwore appear Agean we hear tha cry var help, A cry zo pityvul an drear. Tha stingin vrost, tha bitin wind Comes roun ta every poor mans dooer. You, that ar snugly zettled down How stans it we yer nayberen poor. Tha days be shart, tha nights be long An wirk is slack, ther'r nooan ta do An thousands there is idle now Who starvin do appeal ta you. Ta you, ye rich, who knows not want Who dwoant toil, var a livelihood, O, will ee shut yer hearts ta zich Who's starvin var tha want a vood ? Zee there in yander wretched room A ooman cryin in dispair Auver her leetle starvin beabe. Her zobs an moans da vill tha air. Var dree long days she've had no vood Ta veed thic leetle hungry child. 49 Tha fiather got no wirk ta do Tha thought on't nearly, draves un wild. Var ta zee his leetle innocent Put up her leetle skinny hand An ax, if ther'll be grub up there Var ael, in thic ar happy land. An tears rin out, tha parents eyes, An bitter woe ther hearts da haunt Ta zee tha offspring a ther love Zo pass away, var very want. Inzide a drary wirkhouso yard A poor woold man is cracken stounes, When ael at once a hollies out, Tlia wirk's too hard, var my poor bounes. He teaks his cwoat an lays on he An there in niwornvul zobs a cried Bit there com'd nooan ta zuccor he An there a pined away an died. Zee, in a room dree vemale vorms, Two daaters, an a widder'd wife Be tha vlicker of a rush light lean Is stitchen var there very life. O children dear, tha mother cries, Me eyes da swim inzide me yead. She vaints, an vails apon tha vloor, Tha daaters raise ther mother — dead. 50 Anodder we dree childern young Is lyin on a wretchen bade, They start up, as tha fiather corns Var he av brought a loaf a brade. How hagerly thic loaf is broke, How hagerly tha childern seize. No milk av thay ta zoak it in, No butter spread, no mate, no cheese. Eece, every day zich zenes as thase Is happenen among tha poor. Ya skierce can know, unless you go An zeek em at their wretched door. To you, ya rich, I now da plade Var thase^ poor things, thase starvin poor, O lend yer aid ta stem tha tide, An dwoant ee drave em vrim yer door. Var ael tha riches you mid av Be lent ee, an tis heavii's command Ta gie ta ael that be in need An clothe tha neaked in tha land. -^^^^^^^7^^ 51 THA VUST SNOW STARM. Hark, how tha whistlin wind blows vrim tha north In vitvul gusts zo bitin shearp an keen, An winter now, in ael his awe comes vorth We hoary beard an grim majestic mien Vorth with a brathes into tha starry sky Which zoon putts on, a heavy hdden hue An leetle specs a sleet begins ta vly Which zoon the vrozen ground da thickly strew. Bigger, an vaster, than tha whirrlin vlakes Incessantly comes down droo out tha night An wen tha vail'd zun, tha marn awakes Behold, tha wondrous cheange, tha matchless zite. Dwoant not tha zene,vrail men, meak thy heart glow Behoulden ael aroun, wrapt in a garb a snow ? GRAMFER'S CRISMIS. Eece, Crismis in me gramfers time Wur a proper zart a randy Var he invited ael tha voke As liv'd aroun un handy. Uncles an aunts, an cussens too, Nevvy^s an necies fair 52 A did invite em every one Ta teast his Crismis vare. Twur ael tha taak var many a day, Wur gramfers Crismis pearty Amang the people who went up Ta greet the woold man hearty. Var ael wur equal in his eyes When zated at his bouard An narn o'm ever hood er slight Tho much, thay cooden avoord. A proper good woold zart wur he An lov'd be rich an poor, I warn nar ungry man neer went Away vrim gramfers door. On Crismis eve, tha woold varm house Wur trim'd up high an low We evergreens an hollies bright An boughs a mizzletoe. An vrim tha kitchen ael tha things Wur cleared out var a ball An ony cheerS an stools wur left Var sates aroun tha wall. A blazin vire wur mead up Apon tha kitchen dogs, An gramfers varm men did bring in Tha girt big Crismis logs. 53 At haight a clock tha mummers come, Ten a tha village chaps, Dressed up like zawljers, bright bright an gay In girt tall peapern caps. An hooden swords mwoast ad a got Zom had a blunderbluss, An Fiather Crismis card a staff, Man Jack, tha money puss. An thay did act a girt long piece, An a battle tend ta vite An run hache other droo tha hearts Wich mead tha maids turn white. Bit tha chap as acted doctor Zoon rais'd em vrim tha ground An quick, we a drap a brandy, Very zoon did bring em round. An atter every man o'm there Had bin wounded in tha fray Thay ael begun ta zing za nice Tha ditties a tha day. Then Fiather Crismis mead a spache A wishen ael good cheer. Likewise a merry Crismis-tide, An a happy, bright new year. An atter that thay ate an drunk As much as thay wur wilHn, 54 Then out corns grammer an she gies Ta every man a shilhn. An leetle Jack we's money baig, Went roan tha company An lots a pennies wur drow'd in Var's own zelf, dwoant ee zee. At midnight then did com tha waits, Ower village music pearty, An thay het up ther praizes sweet A Crismis carols hearty. Two viddles an a double bease, Two brassen things ta blow, We maids ta zing tha hayre high, An men ta zing down low. An thay did play an zing za sweet Eound gramfer's kitchen vire, While grammer guarts a gin hot brew'd A wich thay diden tire. Zides that, a goolden guinea bright Woold gramfer ne'er vargot Ta gie ta em avore thay went Ta sheare amang tha lot. On Crismis marn then down ta chirch Tha varmhouse pearty went Ta thank God var thic blessed day Tha heavenly beabe wur zent. 65 An lore, ta hear tha zingen bright Girt tears a joy did bring Down gramfer's an down grammer's cheeks Praizen tha new born King. Var thay wur time's wen good chirch voke Ther praises ziing tagether, Tha choir wur bit, ta lead em on, Noo zarplices ta zever. Ah eece, thame zounds I hant vargot, Still in me ears, da ring [watch " Thic well know'd hymn " While sheppherds An " Hark the angels zing." Then ael tha compny atter chirch Ta gramfers did repair To zit down in his speacious hall An enjoy his Crismis vare. Varty ar fifty voke there wur Countin tha young an woold An twur a zite, thic vestive bouard Var a body to behold. Var at tha top a piece a beef, Bout vive an thirty poun, Zides hams, an two girt turkeys vat Done up za nice an brown. An vlow'ry teaties beak'd an bwil'd, Pasmets an carrits too, 56 Cabbidge an smaished per turmets white In piles there wur ta view. Figgetty poodens roun an plump As bigs a waishen pot, Mince pies an tearts a every zart, Lore, warden there a lot. An yale an zider in quart mugs Wur putted here an there Var hache ta help therselves wen dry An waish down tha wholzum vare. An lore, ta zee how hearty like Hache let in we's his might Ta tackle gramfers Crismis cheer Var mworn a nower quite. "Wen everyone had had ther vill Tha cloth wur clar'd away An roun ael zat be vire za' bright Ael happy like ah gay. Then out comes grammers wom mead wine Sparklin, an brights a cherry Which in harnen cups wur handed roun. Bare stuff ta meak ee merry. An trays a nice ripe oranges We apples russet brown. An hazzel nuts an walnuts too Wich last vail wur shook down. 57 An gramfer he drink'd ael ower healths, A wur glad, ta zee ess there An hoped a shood as long as heav'n His life wur plaz'd ta spare. An then tha men voke every one We feazin rid an happy Went out in kitchen var ta av A lettle bit a baccy. We young uns, an tha coortin voke Went out ta av a run In archet ar in gramfers vields Var a leetle bit a vun. An if twur vrosty weather we Down pond did nieak a slide An jine ban's on his glassen vloor An swift along did glide. Ar if tha snow wur thic on groun We ael zet up snow ballin. An twur rare vuu ta hear tha maids A screechen an a squallen. An wen twur dark back to tha varm We purty zoon did hie Ta titty vate ourzelves a bit Var tha girt ball bini by. At haight a clock tha dance begun Out in tha kitchen wide. 58 Tha musickers they wur perch'd up On a teable tother zide. There wur viddler Joe, an carnet Jack, An Steve wie his bazoon, An Zammy we tha double bease An Jim ta beat tha tune. VuU twenty couple did stan up In tha vust country dance Led off be gramfer an his deam, Lore how we ael did prance. VuU haaf a nower we kept on Gwain up an down tha middle Till nearly ael tha ban gied out Cept Joe, wie leaden viddle. Bit he kep on a screapin zo Till ower laigs begun ta yeak, An grammer then she did baal out Do ee stop var goodness zeak. Then gramfer he did zing a zong Bout days a woold lang zyne. An in chorus everybiddy there Mwoast heartily did jine. An grammer too, we wirk'd her up Ta zing a leetle ditty. An var a lass a zeventy two Her voice wur strong an purty. 59 A geam varvits then we had Ael zat down in a row An thay as lost had to be kiss'd Under tha mizzletoe. Zoo we dancin, an wie zingin too Away tha hours did vlee An wen twur twelve tha ban struck up Roger de Coverley. An hache pair dance'd ael down tha line Wie feazin ael aglow, Tha young men kiss'd their pierdeners Under tha mizzletoe. Tha woold uns too, then vollied zuit An kiss'd hache other too, Thay wurden gwain to be done out A what thay used ta do. Yar gramfer kiss'd tha maidens sweet An grammer kiss'd tha bwoys, Lar what a fectin zite it wur Amang tha vun an naise. At one a clock tha ban begun Ta play ** God seave tha king " An fifty voices purty zoon Mead thic woold roof tree ring. Then come varewells an sheakin bans Tho ael wur louath ta peart, 60 An as thay went they loud did cheer Gramfer, we ael their heart. An thus did gramfer every year Ax vrens ta dine an zup An med I Hve ta do tha zeam An keep woold Crismis up. SMILIN JACK TRUE STOWRY OF A MIDNIGHT ADVENTER. Thease stowry I be gwain ta tell Is zartin true, I mines un well, It happend wen I wur a bwoy. In pinnyfores an carderoy ; Var broad cloth wurden wore much then Be leetle bwoys, nar neet be men. Well ! in thease town ther lived a chap Who kept a donkey an a trap, Wich he used in his hawkin trade An t)e wich he lots a money made ; Tha voke ael caal'd un Smilin Jack Becaus a ad a happy knack Wen buyin ar zillen anything Ta laff an whissle, joke ar zing, 61 Voke zed it wur his artvul craff Ta teak em in, then meak em laff Cos a vunny tale he'd always spin Wen their good graces he hood win ; Howzemdever, wur twur zo ar not A proper good trade he'd a got, Var twenty miles, he wur vound In every village, ael around 2 At markits too, an country vairs, There he wur zeed, hawkin his wares. Anything amwoast he'd buy an zill Zo's it did bring grist to his mill An the wie voke a bargin'd hard, They looked upon un wie regard Aelthough we wit, an joke, za vunny A wiggled em out a ther money. Now it come ta pass, one Whitzuntide Jack he wur ax'd var to perzide At a club veast, near Huminten Cos auver there liv'd mwost his kin. Good custumers did there rezide And twur his neative wom bezide Zoo a zent to zay a hood be thayre In weather vowl, ar weather vair. Tha day arrived an Smilen Jack Mounted upon his donkey's back Ael rig'd in one of his best suits Wie spurs a stickin vrum his boots, Went gallopin ael droo tha town 62 Like zom girt hero of renown, And many wur tha shouts an cheers As he rode off, did greet his ears ; Var everybidy it wur plain Wanted ta knaa wur he wur gwain. Bit a thay, ower hero took no heed Bit galloped on his way we speed. At tha girt hill caal'd Bishopstone He there dismounted vrim his throne An led his Neddy up tha steep, Vor'd got a heart as cood veel deep Tho' in zom things a wur abused His vaithvul donk, he neer illused Zom zed he ad a aiseyer life An knaa'd mwore kindness than his wife. Tha top zoon rached, donkey an he. Did rache tha village speedily. An as thay jog'd ael down tha street Tha village voke turn'd out ta greet An welcom Jack we cheervul smile Var a adden bin ther, zich a while. Tha bells thay rung, tha ban did play Acos it wur tha club veast day. An clubmen ael drest in ther best Hasten 'd ta sheak hand we ther guest. Then down along ta Vox an Goose He hies, ta zet his donkey loose An to refresh his parched inzide Atter thic lang an dusty ride. 63 Then atter church tha veast is spread, An ower hero at tha teables yead Caals down a blessin on tha vood Ta do ther zouls an bodies good. Justice wur done, I need'n state Ta every man's well laden plate, Var ael who've dined at a country club Knaas purty well, how vlees tha grub Var thease poor men not every day Vrim a prime jint can cut away. As var tha drink I cooden zay How many quarts wur stowed away Be ache an every club man there. Who drunk till's eyes begun ta stare. Time view along, still at tha head, Ower hero Jack maintains tha lead. He cracks his jokes, swigs ael an grog, An issues vorth a droll prologue. Glass atter glass da disappear Tha teables groan we grog an beer. Boozin an smokin on thay go We yeads a bobbin to an vro. An like a zombre vuneral pall Tha thick smoke hangs aroun tha wall, Zweethearts, an wives, an childern young Like sheep at vair be ael among Nigh chokin we tha fumes a baccy Yet mang tha din zeeminly happy. A snatch of a zong, a chorus ar two Tha hours away like lightnin view 64 Jack, like a king, zits ael tha while An skier ce thinks on tha vive lang mile, Nar thic drary ride across tha plain Avore he can rache worn again. We drink an smoke he neer is blind A total blank da zeem his mind He've lost ael power ta stan upright Prostrate, an auvercom he's quite. Tis neraly twelve, tha host corns in An baals out mang tha naisy din, " Tha time is up ya ael mist go Ar I'll lose me licence as ya know," Another zong, thay ael did shout. We'll av, avore we do turn out. One vrim tha cheerman thay did baal, An Jack tried to ablidge ther caal. But he wur done, gone wur his pow'r. An up a got, nettled an zower. An blarin out this yer wunt do, I mist me journey now pursue. Here Ossler Tom, bring roun me ass, An Laniard here, jist one mwore glass. He drained another, vill ta ground, Var he wur drunk, an that vull zound, His donk jist then appeared in zite. He mounts an wish em ael "goodnight,' Then gallop'd vast ael down tha street Like a scalded pig a did retreat Tha toll geat swung back in a trice, Tha toll man baal'd out var tha price. 65 Bst Jack vur up tha road wur gone, Tha geat man cooden voUie on Bit swore that Jack another day Double tha toll hood av ta pay. Tha vaithvul donkey up tha hill Did trot away we right good will. Poor brute he wur a honest ass, An well know'd his rider had a glass ; Ta Jack tha road appear'd ta waak He sway'd like to a tender staak He'd lost tha power his donk ta guide An tha usual track he missed wide. Aware of thease unusual route He o'er tha down an yields did scout, Way down ta water medders green, Where Jack got conscious of tha scene Zoo gien he a sharp pull round He drow'd his rider to tha ground An be tha zide of a muddy ditch Ower muddled hero he did pitch ; He scrabbled up, wen zummat new, A ghost-like varm appeared in view, It vlitted here, it vlitted there. Then zeem'd ta vanish in tha air. Quite dazed, a now begun ta think That he mist be tha wuss var drink. A thunder storm now gathered thick An in tha gloom a zeed ole Nick Wie harns, an hoofs, an hissin tail, Tha zite o't mead un quake an quail. 66 Eyes big as saacers, rid as vire, Wie awe their victim did inspire His claas held ard a two grain'd prong An a beckon'd Jack ta come along. Ower hero's hair stood on an end As he look'd at thick foul fiend, Wie vrite a vairly stood agast An tried ta run, bit's laigs stuck vast. Trimblin a stood like a broken reed Var zich a zite he'd never zeed, His poor woold ass he loud did bray While Jack vill on his knees ta pray An promisin what 'ee hood do In futer, if he'd let un goo As var tha drink, dear zur, I mean Never ta touch tha stuff agean Var tis me ony bane in life An gets me inta endless strife Zides wurryin, me poor dear wife. Tha thunder now begun ta roar Lightnin tha clouds azunder tore An big rain drops begun ta vail Vrim murky clouds, as black's a pall. Wis ever man in zich a plight As ower hero, on thick dreadvul night. Prayin ta heavin fervently Vrum thease enemy to zet un vree. Vull haaf a nower there a knelt Till down amain tha starm did pelt, An as it wash'd his parched brow 67 New life zeem'd to poor Jack endow Then up a got an peer'd around, Ole Nick had vanish'd under ground. Louldly Jack baal'd out vur his ass Who unconsarned ved on tha grass. At last, Ned ansers to his beck Jack cuddles un aroun tha neck Then mounts agean, hopein that he Vrim vurther mishap shood be vree, Droo mead a rach'd tha turnpike track. Thank God j'm seaf zays Smilin Jack Once mwore, zays he, I be aelright As tha well know'd Park appear'd in zite. Then joggin ael down by tha wall Holden Ned's ears zo's not ta vail. Grazed be tha trees an bramble scratches, A neer had rach'd tha vourteen hatches When ah, another trouble zore Did meet un, wuss than he avore. His donk on nearen tha long brudge Zuddently to tha stream did trudge, An vore his tention Jack cood, drame He'd shook un off, right in tha strame. Then way did scamper quick as thought As tho he hooden agean be caught, Nar did er slack his pace avore A stood in vront his owner's door. Vloundern an splashen in tha wave. Jack struggled ard dear life ta save. He rach'd tha edge, vill on tha baink 68 Cussin his donkey's purty praink. Coold an wet droo to tha skin, An veelin vaint an bad within He tried ta waak but vill ta ground An pray'd that soon a med be vound. His wife stopped up var un thick night, Bit went ta bade dreamt ael wis right, Thinkin he'd drain 'd an extry cup An till nex day hooden turn up. Bit at marn, wen she undid tha door Tha loanly donkey stood avore, Wieout measter, bridle, or bit, Wurden she jist in a purty clit. t( Wurs thy measter, woold vool," she zed, " Hast thee a left un, live ar dead? " Bit tha donkey shook his yead, an bray'd, Much as to zay a idden slay'd. Betty, zoon rais'd a hue and cry. An naybours purty quick did hie. O dear, O dear, alack, alack. What is become a' Smilen Jack. Thay hunted here, tha hunted there, Ta Huminten zom did repair. Vrens an relayshins vill'd tha cot, Ael o'm lamentin poor Jack's lot, Var zure ta hear he'd broke his neck Mwost every one o'm did expec. Poor Betty she did heave a zigh. An purty zoon did pipe her eye. An is er now var ever gone, An must I widder's weed's put on : Poor Jack, wat ever shill I do, Thee wurst a usbin kind, an true. An as her loss she did deplore She yeard zim shoutin at tha door, Var up did drive woold Tommy Bawter Who'd vound our Jack down be tha water. Close to tha brudge at vourteen hatches, Ael cover'd oer we blood an scratches. He'd brought un wom, snug in his trap, An baalin out cried, rouse up Jack. Ower hero woke, then rushed in doors Amid tha people's laffin roars, He rolled ta bade an slep vuU zound, An dram'd a wur in water drown'd. It done un good, var zunce thick day Vrim strong drink, he have kept away, Aelthough a oifen gets a rub, Bout wen a din'd at Hurainten club. An thick are awful night za drear Wen woold Nick to un, did appear. THA PARISH COUNCIL BILL. A DISCUSSION TWIX TOM AN PHIL, TWO LEABUREN MEN. TOM. Hast yeard tha news ? me woold vren Phil Bout thease yer Parish Council Bill ? 70 Wich Parley merit atter zim jaa Av manag'd var ta pass ta laa An Dezember nex, if we'm alive We'll be as busy as bees in hive Var then tha lections will teak pleace, An I'm a candidate I gace. PHIL. I wish thee luck, bit look'ee Tom Wurs tha money a comin vrom Var girt expinse its gwain ta be An wat good'lit do ta zich as we Tha laayers an tha printin voke No dout 'uU do a tarblish stroke Var in startin there'll be zim keapers An village councils vill tha peapers. Bit var any good to a poor chap, I dwoant think till be woth a snap An as I zed avore, vren Tom, Wurs tha money a comin vrom. TOM. Tha money vriend dwoant bodder I ' Get on tha council I shill try An if elected, thay shill know I'm good as mwoast tho rekon'd low Let tha girt uns try do wat thay can Var to keep out, a leaburen man I'll bet thee Phil a vive poun note Tha main on em, var I ull vote 71 Dwoant want ta braig, bit bless thee zawl I mid be put on top tha pawl. PHIL. I dwoant dout that, bit harky vriend Wat beest gwain ta do var wirken men ? Wen on thease council thee diss get, Zoos that we shaant ower choice regret. Cos we'll expec a lot vrim thee, One of ower own zelves, doosen zee. TOM. Wen I gets on vust thing I'll do Is zee, ache man got a cottage new Wie yacre a groun, an mabby mwore Ael o't cloas to his cottage dooer A well built shed var to keep cows A well drain'd sty var pigs an zows We pawltry a every zart A leetle nag, a nice spring cart Ta haak his things, in village roun Ar teak em to tha market town. Ramshackle cots, wur ever vound Shall be clared vrim off tha ground, A village hall we'll build down street Var conzarts, an var voke ta meet Waish house, an baths, an ael that are, Ower wives ta waish an hiren there, A aten house wur things'll be zould We nice girt vires, wen weathers cwoold, A zoup kitchen, zoup nex ta nuthen 72 Bout a penny var a proper stufi&n. An one zide thease hall a libery Peapers, an books, ael to be vree, A billyeard bouard, a bagatelle teable Var young chaps as to play be yeable, Draats, an chess, an nine pinny mettle, Skittlin, wen tha weathers in fettle, Voot ball, an cricket, in Squire's ground, Expense a coose be council vound. On village green, a music stan Ta be put up var ower ban Who twice a week in zummer prime Shill play ta liven up tha time Ower young uns merry meak the zene Be dancin on the village green Hache Zaterday, haaf hollerday Tha voke shill av thout stoppin pay An coose ael o't I needen state Ull ba paid var, out of a rate. PHIL. I wish it true, bit dang it Tom Wurs tha money a comin' vrom ! TOM. Cass'n get it Phil in thy dull pate Tha cost mist com out of a rate. Squire, tha mwoast 11 av ta pay Varmers, an Passen, help defray Tha tradesvoke too, a peart must beear Shopkeepers too, ael pay a sheare 73 Bit thee an I, hard wirken men Beant gwain to pay thee medst depen Zoo raste theezelf contented mate Zuch chaps as we, wunt pay nar rate. 'Zides ther's tha parish charities Ull pay var lots o't doosen zee. Then nice wide paths bouth zides tha street Of assfelt, gravel, ar concrete, An down tha road, a girt big main In which tha houssen, ael shill drain A good zupply a water pm-e Hache house '11 av thee midst be zure A reservoy, on top a nap In every cot a water tap Ower streets be lighted up at night Wie gas, ar thic ar lectric light. Zo's we can zee ower way about If leatish zomtimes we De out. We wirkhouse we shill do away An gie woold voke a weekly pay As var tha zick, tha learn an blind A house a refuge we shill vind. As var tha leezy drunken drones Thay shid be putt ta crack tha stounes An mend tha road, an vlush tha drain, Zoo that therselves, thay shall maintain An if ageanst it thay da rail Purty quick we'll pop em off ta jail I warn that ar'll bring em round An a leazy chap, ther want be vound. 74 Eece, Phil, whats wrong shill be zet right An ower village be a model quite. PHIL. Nice picter thee hast painted, Tom. Bit wurs tha money comin vrom ? Tis very well var thee ta state Till ael be paid, out of a rate Ta be mainly putt, apon tha squire Bit can he voord, ta av em higher ? Why now he's bhg'd ta live away Becaas a caant expenses pay An varmers be nearly ruined now Var land dwoant pay that's under plough Lots o'm now is very nigh gone mad Wie prices low, and zazons bad, An Passen now da vow his tythe Beant enuff ta keep'n ahve An pupils now he's blidg'd ta tache Ar else a cooden bide an prache. Tha shopvoke too, what vew is here Zays times wur nevir mwore zevere Tha poor voke cant pay em no caish An lots on 'em uU go ta smaish Tha carbinder, and blacksmith, too Zich bad times never did goo droo Ael though main hard thay bouth da wirk Ta pay em vor't, lots o'm da shirk. Teant only here ; in every village Trade is bad, Ian out a tillage 75 Zo diss think, we things in zich a state Ower voke can stan a heavier rate. Very well ta zaay it wunt be much But noon o'm will thic zaayin glutch Var zunce we've ad "a school bouard here Thee's know tiv cost ess purty dear Var wen a stearted zom o'm zed Tood'n be about tuppence a head Jist look an zee what we've a vound Ta-day tis haight-pince in tha pound An wen thease council do commence, Thee't vind it will be girt expense, An twill be years an years ta com Vore any good we'll get, min, Tom. TOM. Ah Phil dwoant thee git in a clit A coose, we'll av ta wait a bit Tha wordle wurnt mead in a day An coose we'll av ta veel ower way Bit bless thee zawl we very zoon Shill bring things nicely inta tune, Tha girt uns zoon ull larn ta gree An help ta meak ael harminy, An tho at vust thay'll kick a bit It teant no use thay must zubmit Thay'll vind no use ta meak a vuss Hoppersition ony meaks bad wuss An zoon theet zee Parish Councils Bill A blessin to ower people, Phil. 76 PHIL. I hope I shall, bit dang me yead Twunt be avore bouath oance be dade, An as I zed da whack I Tom Wur ael tha money's comin vrom. Zoo I tell thee vren, shaant wurrit I Who var a councilmin da try, Tho vote var thee, a coose I shawl An hope thee't get on top tha pawl. ROBERD AN STEAYEN. A MUSICAL CONFLAB ATWEEN TWO VARMEBS. STEAVEN. Good evemin Roberd, ow de do ? ROBBED. Tarblish, Steaven, an ow be you ? STEAVEN. Why purty well in health I thank 'ee Bit troubles nuff ta drave me cranky Wat we tha bad times we've a got. An every thing a gwain ta pot. We wife an daaters ael tha day 77 Dooin nuthen bit planner play, Goo we ael, shall, to tha bad Var ael on em be music mad. ROBERD. Well raaly, Steaven, I'm main zorry, Bit man alive dwoant let that worry Var I'm a music man ya know An 'tis me girtest jay below Me zon an daaters too, da play An avs a leetle every day Bit coose we dwoant ower duties shirk Var music, till we've vinish'd wirk. STEAVEN. Ah Roberd, tis very well var you Ta taak a this, jist as ya do, Bit narn a mine wunt do no wirk Thay'd zooner ael day idle lurk, An tha plain truth, I need'n smother Thame couraged in it be ther mother. Here, every marn wen I've bin round Tha varm ta zee tha men on ground, "Wen to me breakvist I come in Ther's thic pianners naisy din Thumpin away we ael ther might Vust thing in marn till leat at night, An then if jist a wird I zay Tis a new piece thay got ta play, Var zom oonzart, ar a penny radin That is tha scuse thame aelwys pladin. 78 What good be zich var varmers wives Ony ta tarment out ther lives Why nam can cook a laig a mutton Neet on a garment zow a button An as var waishen out a shirt Tha thoughts on't do ther veehns hurt An tell ee, that ther hans wurnt made Var zich like wirk as do degrade. Plaig on zich empty pride I zaay Thay'll zurely rue var it zom day. Ther's thay strappen wenches Nan an Meary, Who I da keep ta wirk tha deary, Turns in, an dooes tha household wirk Wich wife an daaters ael da shirk An dwoant think it nar bit disgreace Aelthough ta do it beant ther pleace An coose thay mist av extry pay Var clanen, an cookin, every day Wirk, wich me own voke ought ta do Steeds pianner bangin, ael day droo I tell ee Eoberd 'tis too bad An very near till drave I mad This music is a cussed plaig An ta poverty, ael oance ull draig. EOBERD. Well Steaven, tis a trial zore An much yer troubles I deplore, Bit teant tha vaat a music quite Ya zee, ya diden manidge right. Now lissen var a minute ar zo 79 Tha truth on it, I zoon ull show Var nabiddy in thease countery Is vonder a music than I be An many a nower when a bwoy Larnin tha viddle, I'd employ Var as ya knaa I'm a tarbHsh han An music well da unnerstan. Zo wen I look'd out var a wife Ta be me help-mate ael droo life Tha matter, I did well look droo, An choos'd one as lik'd music too, An zo I zaays, look here me dear Music, like you, I loves zincere. Bit mind, we mussen duties shirk, Nar play wen to be done, ther's wirk. An coose we bouth did gree tagether An ower wedded lives bin lovely weather. Var wen ower wirk, is done hache day Tagether wife an I da play, Ar if dull moments shood zet in Out coms pianner an violin. An an atter haaf a nowers play Ower dullness is ael drove away, Tis woondervul how music zoothes An cure ee, if ya've got tha blues It meaks yer woold heart, leap an curdle Hood'n gie it up, var ael tha wordle. Then ther's me daaters an me zon Da zing an play wen wirk is done Nar ud, never think, duties ta shirk, Var music, vore thay'd done ther wirk 80 An then on Zundys atter chirch If droo tha country, you da zearch Ya hooden vind a vamily Thats happier than owers be Praizen heav'n, var thease happy day In hymns, an anthems, we da play, Eece, ower house, on Zundys, Steaven, We tries ta meak a leetle heaven, Var as ya knaa tha scripter zaays In ower vuter worn, till be ael praize. t * * * * ♦ Zoo I advise hache man an wife If childern bless ther married life Ta let em lam zom insterment If thay da wish, an tis ther bent. In years ta com till cheer ther life An thay'U better beare thease wordles strife, Var pen on it, music is zent Ta meak ess happy an content Help vit ess var thic wom on high Wur as I zed, ael's harminy. WOOLD TROTTERS ZAAYINS HIS LIKES AN DISLIKES. If ther's one thing, meaks I bwile ta zee, Tis voke, vull a necessity Apein tha arrystocrazy. 81 I caant abeare, a man who shams, Nar neet he, who is vull a crams Nar curs, as tries, ta look Hke lams. Nar he wie zich a modest veace, As thinks ael pleazures out a pleace, An zaays thay'U bring on ee disgreace. Who zits on Zundys, in his pew. An scarnvully da look at you, Cos you beant of tha chosen vew. Who groans, an meaks a girt long prayer At meetin house, when he is thayre An praphs nex marnen, cuss, an sware. I do detess a meak believe A slyly grinnin in his sleeve An scripter quotes, while he da thieve. Who praphs, if he da keep a shop Tha scales, vrim gwain down he'll stop An on his wares a varden pop. Ar if he be, a dearyman Ull skim new milk, as ard's a can An water well tha milkin pan. Nar he, as gooes a deal ta meak, An vind tha ziller rather weak, Then meak'n haaf the vaUie teak. 82 I caant abeare, tha man who chates An under counter keeps shart waites, Nar he as things adulterates. Begar, I'd like ta tan tha skin, Of he, who teakes tha people in, Ta I, ther yeant a bigger zin. I likes a man, honest, an true, Who thease yer life, ull battle droo, An help, a down trod brother too. Tis nice ta zee a poor man rise, If varmer vrens, a dwoant dispise, Nar car is yead up in tha skies. Var raaly painvul tis ta zee, A poor man, who's got up tha tree, Look down, on voke disdainvully. Who keeps his pockets tightly shut, Geanst poor relayshins who he'll cut. An pass em by, wie lordly strut. Tis nuff ta vill ee wie dismay, Ta meet zich fellers any day, Plaig on zich stuck ups, I da zaay. Var zich like pride, I vairly hates, Me temper much it hirritates, Ta zee zich empty headed pates. 83 Nar do I like, ta zee a chap, Spendin hache evenin at tha tap, In skiddlein ar penny nap. I caant abide tha imperdence, A hobblehoys, as got no sense Who gies ee naught bit inzerlence. Ta zee em strut, ael cuffs, an collar, Who's pockets, praphs, dwoant hold a dollar. An var clothes '11 keep ther bellies holler. Ta zee em rig'd out every night, In tha newest vayshin quite. Poor Tailors, thay look on we spite. Zich mity swells zom on em be. In kid gloves, an vlaish jewelry, Hap-ny zegars a puffen vree. Ar vlirtin we zom vorred lass. Who like ther zelf is vull a brass, An thus ther evenins thay da pass. Young maids ! beware a zich a chap, If zich " on you " his eyes da clap, Pen on it he beant woth a rap. Zoo ael o'ee lissen to woold Trotter, Let truth an justice be yer motter. An heav'n convound tha evil plotter. 84 GOOD VMM LAS. Good Vridy las, as ever wur, I wander'd to tha hood, Tha joyous spring birds var ta heer, An sniff tha air za good. Droo Ugvird vale, I took me way, An out in broad Ox Drove, Wur many times when young an gay I rambled wie me love. Athirt tha cloas cropt'd down I went, An zat down be tha pond ; A blissvul nower there I spent, Gazin on things za vond. Woold Vriars Pake, there on me lift. In vront, tha thy my down, Behind, tha copse of hazzel trees Wur nuts da grow za brown. What thoughts da come across I here, A long, long years agoo. Wen a bwoy, as now, I did delight Thease zenes ta wander droo. Var every hallerdy amwoast. We merry bwoys wur voun. We bat an ball, ower rounders play Apon thease open down. 85 Agean I jogged on auver hill, An cross tha Barvird track, Then down ta Chilvinch bottom stiU, Cloas to tha narrer rack. It wur a glorious atternoon, An hot, var hearly spring Just like a day, in balmy June Zoo gay, wur everything. Tha humble bees, begun ta buzz, Tha knats, ta sting an bite An out amang yan bloomin vuzz Buttervlies, vlitted bright. Rabbits, an hares, vrim copse, za shy, Wur skippin vree an wild, An patridges, who's screechin cry Is know'd be every child. Vrum vield, an down, tha lark went up, Ta welcome in tha spring, Tha merry blackbird, an tha drush, Did meak tha hoodland ring. An vrim a low branch of yon woak Tha timid nightengale Had jist begun ta tune his voice An trill his artless tale. An here between, tha moss an thyme, Wild violets, wur a blowin, 86 An primroses, in ael their prime, Wie cowzlips, jist a showin. Mid zich an unzurpassin zene, As this, in thease sweet dell, Me heart delights, an here I cood, Var ever zeem ta dwell. Then up a well wor'd track I stroll'd. Towards a beech hard bye, Apon whose trunk, there is carv'd out, Zim letters dear ta I. Here, mwore an thirty years agone, Wie a zweet modest lass, Thic tree, ower neams I carv'd apon, Love's, idle nower ta pass. An here to-day, thay letters still, Be showin out quite plain, Ah, what girt thoughts me heart da vill As I greets em again. Var cars me back ta youthvul days, Wen I za gay an vree. Did taak a love, an breathe zweet zighs Under thease woold beech tree. Jist twenty zummers had I zeed Thic ne'er vargotten day, Tha days a my apprenticship Had nearly pass'd away. 87 An vuU a hope, me heart beat high Var a zuccessvul Ufe, An com what hood, I'd bwoldly try, Ta veace thease wordles strife. An zunce thic day, what zenes I've zeed, What trials I've a bore What crosses, an what ups an downs. An many draabacks zore. Teant mine ta bwoast, teant mine ta braig A honner, ar a wealth, Bit a crowst I've never wanted var, An God av gied I health. An atter ael thease thirty years Strivin ta do me best In gratitude, I drap a tear, Var zure, I av bin blest. Tho' well I knaws I have vill shart, A what I ought ta done, Heet hard I've striv'd ta do me peart Tho tis a humble one. ME GIRTEST DELIGHT. I've a bin, in tha mighty zity, A Lunnen, vull many a time. In wonderment there I've a steer'd 88 At its steatly buildins, zublime, I've a stood an tha girt big brudge Cross tha river, at woold Wacemister, An I've look'd we main pride on thick pile Wur ower parlymint men da conver. Eece, many a time in tha Habbey Wie trimbhn, an awe, I've a stood As I thought on tha girt voke laid there Tha noble, tha clever, an good. I have yeard, tha hargin za gran Tha choir sweet musick a zingin An hoffen now, when I'm abade Tha zomis in me yead do zeem tingin. I've bin in tha chirch a Zaint Pauls, An zat down under thic girt doom. There too, I've yeard tha vine choir An lissened, tha hargins girt boom. I've geazed on tha monnyments there Wie time got musty an hoary Put up var brave heroes who died Ael var ower country's girt glory. Be tha Manshin House door I've stood, An watch' d tha traffic goo along. An hustled, I've bin many times Gwain down Chepzide, be tha drong. I've stood be Zaint Martins the Gran, Wur pwost hoffice wirk is ael done I've a bin in tha telegraph house Wur news roun tha wordle da run. 89 In Trafalgers vine square I've a stood, An zeed tha vountins at play, An look'd we delight on tha zene, Tha vinest in town tha da zaay. I've steer'd up a Nelson stood there, Wie tha lions a guarden his veet. An I've velt a paing, as I geaz'd At Charley tha vust, an his fe-at, I've a bin, in thic vine gallery Wur tha nayshins picters da bide, An I've look'd we delight on em all, An velt in me heart honest pride Var them splendid paintins za vine As, in thic pleace do abound. Every Briton I thinks shid be proud, Another zich a zite, ther beant vound. In tha British Musaum var bowers. In meazemint, I've wander'd about, A lookin at wondervul things, A woold times, as thay've vound out. In Zouth Kensinton too I've bin. An zeed mwoast on't that be there, An lore how me weary eyes beam'd At tha marvellous things everywhere. In tha girt Halbert Hall cloas bye, I have yeard, tha consart za grand We tha vinest band in tha wordle. An baste zingers, ther be in tha land. 90 To tha gran opera house I've bin, At Covent Gearden, many a time We ameazment gazed on tha zenes Tha actin, an music, zublime. Eece, it av bin my lucky lot, Ta zee, an ta hear, ael thease things. Bit what do ee think, mang em ael Ta me heart tha girtest jay brings ? Ah, it beant, tha zites a tha town, Its grander, nar music divine, Tho much it did charm me heart, Heet a girter delight, zure is mine. It be here, on me own neative zoil, Be tha Willy, an Nadder, ta roam Ar else on tha sweet thymy downs. As zurrouns, me dear neative whoam, Ar ta wander in Grovely woold hoods. Be it marnen, noon, ar be night, Tis tha girtest a pleasure to I Me life's mwoast genuine delight. A NIGGARDLY TRADESMAN, Apon me zong, if in thease wordle A voolish man there be Tis he as's ever muckin goold, An wunt a varden gie. 91 A poor misryable chap is he, Wieout a heart ar mind, Ar else ud zee, that zom day he Mist lave ael on't behind. Bit hoarden, screapen, wurryin on, Wealth, wealth, a mist obtain. An never will er gie a screw, Tha poor apply in vain. Wie charities, an ael good wirks A nevir do agree, He've got a job ta live hisself Ta help voke why shid he. Ya skierce da zee iin out in street, A never gooes vrim whoam, Var travellin is girt expense, A got na wish ta roam. Day, atter day, behine his desk, A screaps an counts his gain, An if dwoant turn in as ud wish. Da vill un up wie pain. An days gooes by, an years roll on An's got main wake an woold His shop at last a mist gie up, An live apon his goold. Bit skierce is er jist zettled down, Jist as his heart da crave, Woold death steps in an zoon a lays Vargotten in tha grave. 92 While his zuccessors every one Slyly grins in ther sleeves, Ta think what a woold stup a wur, Narn o'm about un grieves. His hoarded wealth like as tha wind Thay purty quick meaks vly, An does em oft mwore yarm than good You've zeed as well as I. Then live ye trades voke as ya ought, An if much wealth you've got. Do good to your deserving poor, Help cheer ther lowly lot. An you'll have pleasure while ya live, Ta veel that you've gied vree To ael good wirks, an to tha poor. Who'll bless yer memory. HOSSLER JOE. Las week in zemetery vull low, We buried poor woold hossler Joe An many a varvent tear wur shed As in tha grave we zeed un led, 93 Var poor woold man his wur a life As wurden vree vrom toil an strife, Tho' rnanvully a did his peart, Vor'd, got a honest cheervul heart. Zoo he is gone an never mwore, Shill's zee un gean tha steable door Stript to his shirt, a rubbin down. His bosses, wie a hissin zoun. Poor things how they seem'd to rejoice, An whicker at Joe's well know'd voice ; Var too em, he wur aelwys kind An vore hisself ; he hood em mind. His smilen veace, wur know'd za wide, Var miles aroun tha country zide, Perch'd high, upon his measters Break. How many a pearty he did take, Ta zee tha zites' that bout is voun Ael handy to thease leetle town ; Ar a gipsy pearty to the hood, Joe mist drave em if a cood. Ar when tha weddin bells rung out. An carriages did vlee about ; He, sated on his well know'd perch, Mist aelwys drave tha bride ta church ; His smilin veace, beamin wie joy, Tho zometimes nuff twur to annoy. We shoes an rice villin tha air As he drave'd off tha wedded pair. G 94 Eece, never mwore, at Whitsun club, Will he be zarvin out tha grub, At teable aelwys head and chief An carvin out, the piece a beef ; Nar handin roun, tha voamin beer. An wishen ael tha comp'ny cheer, Nar warblein his well know'd zong Var wich thay cheer'd un loud an long. Tis auver now ; an nevir mwore, Shill's zee un gean, tha hostel dooer ; Nar zee his smile, nar list his chaff, Nar join his loud, and merry laugh ; Nar on his box drave droo the street, Var's journeys now, be ael complete. Zoo med ess ael, as on we go, Our duty do, like Hossler Joe. THA HUJiCOTT HUNT Hay ho " tally ho," away we da go, At a rattlin pe-ace ael tagether ; Ta join tha girt meet, at Squire Gramshaas Wie hearts as light as a veather, Vrom village, an town, an miles aroun, liivery spourtsmin zure ta be there, Tha young, an tha woold, we courage za bwold Seage matrons, an gay maidens vair. 95 Chobus Var tis a gran, an a glorious day, When Hurcott covers, we da draa We teasfc tha good cheer, an drink long life To tha jolly Squire Gramshaa. Girt lards, an squires, in their scarlit cwoats Big merchants, an rich bainkers too. An varmers, za jolly, on usevul woold hacks. We noses zom rid, and zom blue. Mine host a tha D we tradesvoke we zee, Shoemeakers, tinkers, an tailors, We artisans slim, an leabourers stout. Here, and there, zodjers, an zailers. Chorus : Var tis a gran, &c. A cheervul zite tis, around the woold house. To look on thic gay motley drong ; Ta zee how thay greet, to hear ow thay cheer, Tha Squire, in hurrahs, loud an long ; A right jolly welcome, ta ael he da gie, Tha rich, and tha poor every one : Var peer, an var pesant, his teable is spread All's welcome, to veast, an to vun. Chorus : Var tis a gran, &c. Well prim'd we good cheer, ael hasten away, Ta copse, wie a rush an scramble. An many a spill, ar ugly scratch get. As they hurry droo bracken and bramble. 96 Hark ! hark ! '' tally ho," tha hounds take scent, An Stovin, tha harn gins ta zound An now tha hoods, rezound wie tha spoiirt, Var ael is excitement around. Chorus : Var tis a gran, &c. Athirt tha hard road, an droo thorny hedge, Sly rennard a quickly, da hie. Tha hounds voller up, droo varmer Drews vields, Thay he atter un, now in vull cry. Ta Ivors away, be zide a tha hill, Var dear life, a madly da race. An hill, an dale, var miles around, Be-ecker tha crys, a tha chase. Chorus : Var tis a gran, &c. Poor rennard alas, is beginnen ta vlag Var he's woold, an shart is his breath, Tha hounds be on un, an now ael the vield Hurries up, to be in at tha death. An to tha young maiden, vust on the spot, Stovins bans up, tha coveted brush. Which we pride, she accepts, mid diffnin cheers, An her rosy cheeks geans then to blush. Chorus : Var tis a gran, &c. Back ta cover agean, away goo the hounds ; An a vrisky young vox, is zoon vound Like lightnin away, to Ivors he vlees. An auver steep hill at a bound. 97 An hossmen an vootmin, many a mile, Vollies hounds an huntsmin an whip An garses, an thickets, an coppice, be draa'd Bit a manag'd ta gie ess tha shp. Chorus : Var tis a gran, &c. Vast tha zun is gwain down, behine Shaston-hill An apeace comes on gloomy night. An keen vrosty winds beginnen ta blow, Main keen too is hache appetite, Well tired a spourt, var wom we da turn, Vrens to greet, be tha girt Crismis vire Days dooin ta releat, and wind up at last, We a bumper, to tha jolly good Squire. Chorus. Var tis a gran, an a glorious day, When Hurcott covers, we da draa An long may we live, ta join the spourt We the worthy Squire Gramshaa. THA WOOLD GROVELY VOX. Ther's a crafty woold vox, up in Grovely hood, An as gray, as a vox well can be, An he's roamin about, vrim marnen till night. An I'm dang if nooan o'm can ketch he. CHOEUS. Var lightly a trips it, and merrily bounds An keers not var huntsmen, neet narn a ther hounds. He knaas every thicket, he knaas every nook He da knaa every hole in the ground ; The cunnen woold baiger, knaas jist wur to hide When the huiitsmin his harn da jist zound. CHORUS. Var lightly a trips it, and merrily bounds An keers not var huntsmen, neet narn a ther hounds. Hache varmstead he da knaa, bouth zides a tha hood An nightly down there he da prowl, An many a varmer, vust thing in tha marn, Da miss a vat duck or a vowl. CHORUS. x\n away we his booty, right merry he bounds. An keers not var varmers, nar huntsmen, nar hounds. Two vine lots a hounds, var ten years an mwore Av bin on tha woold baiger s track, To a nice leetle dance he've a led em oftimes, An defied tha whole vield, an ther pack. CPIORUS. Var lightly a trips it an merrily bounds. An keers not var huntsmin, neet narn a his hounds. Bwold Vreemin, an Stovin, oft puzzled ther brains, Var ta bring thease geam rascal ta bay, 99 An tho' many times thay av press'd un zore, A did manidge, ta bid em good-day. CHORUS. Var lightly a trips it an merrily bounds, An keers not var huntsmen neet narn a ther hounds. Ther's blunt keeper Hine, an his butty Bill Noyce, As droo hood every day thay da jog Da oft com across'n, bit tha woold baiger knaas Thay wunt touch un wie gun nar wie dog. CHORUS. An vrom em he trips it, an merry he bounds, An dwoantkeer var keepers, nar huntsmen, nar hounds. An tho, he da rob em, of many a bird, Vat phesant, is a nice dainty snack. He da knaa be tha laa, he's zacred ta ael, Zeave tha measter, tha huntsman, an 's pack, CHORUS. An vrom em he trips it, an merry he bounds. An dwoant keer var keepers, nar huntsmen, nar hounds. Lard Eadner, declares, he'll av un zom day, We a vair, an a square, spourtsmin's kill, An tho he've kotch one, heet thease crafty woold vox. Up in Grovely's a wanderin still. CHORUS. Then hurrah var thease vox, who merrily bounds, An dwoant keer var huntsmen, neet narn a ther hounds. 100 JACK^S POLL. A ZEA ZONG. Jack's Poll, she jilted he, zo he mead off ta zea. A hurried down, ta Pourtsmouth town, An jin'd tha Royal Nea-vy, Breave, lusty, stout an strong, a diden tarry long Var a jolly tar, in a man a war, A zoon wur zent off ta zea. Refeain and Chorus. An ael day he did zing, I'm happy as a king, Zunce I com away ta zea Vrim Poll who jilted me, Var a jolly tar in a man a war Is a happy life by-gar. Wen Poll yeard he wur gone, diden she teak on, She haved a zigh, begun ta cry, Dear Jack com back ta I. Bit cries wur ael in vain, var Jack wur on tha main, Gay an zerene, zarvin his Queen Likewise his dear countery. Chorus : An ael day he did zing, &c. We Union Jack unvirl'd, a zail'd aroun tha wirld, Wie gallant heart, a did his part, An helped his comrades vree, A vaverite quick a grew, we ael tha good ships crew, 101 Zoon his neame wur rais'd ta feame, In thic good ship on tha sea. Chorus : An aei day he did zing, &c. Vive year had pass'd away, an orders come one day Ta zail var whoam across tha voam Back to tha woold country. [town Zoon they cast anchor down ; in vront a Pourtsmouth Jack took his pay an a hallerday, Woold vrens to goo an zee. Chorus : An ael day he did sing, &c. His pus, well lin'd we goold, a hied ta zenes a woold, A sweet heart voun, good girl all roun Who a zailer lov'd dearly. [street An one day thay did meet. Jacks valse Poll in the Who cried alack, come back, dear Jack, An a vaithvul lass I'll be. Refrain and Chorus : Bit Jack to her did zing, Ya zee this sweet young thing Who tha leetle wife shall be Of Jack just come vrom sea To this jolly tar, vrum a man a war. His guiding star, she'll be by- gar. -^^^^^^^^T^^ 102 BEEANS AN BEAKTN I tell ee what it is me bwoys, You mid, praise beef, and mutton, An geam, an pawltry, an zich like Ta I, teant woth a button. Now var a veed jist let I have An dwoant ee be misteaken Tha vinest veast in ael the wordle Is one, a beeans an beakin. When you'm at work apon the varm A mawin, ar haymeakin Ther's nuthen that ull stan by ee Like a veed a beeans and beakin. Till keep yer straingth up ael tha day An down ya wunt be braken If brekvist time ya avs zom vried We a raisher of vat beakin. Las planten time, the chaps ael laff'd, An vun a I wur meaken ; A cans, zix rainks a beeans I zet, Var to av long me beaken. Begar, I'd grow em ael tha year In me lotment if I cood, Var in thease wordle, to yeat ther beant Nuthen, not haaf za good. 103 I've got a girt vat pig in stye, An twenty score I'll meaken ; An proper veeds, we'll av bin bye, A nice broad beeans, an beakin. Hache Zundy, when thame nice and vit, We veeds, on beeans and beakin, An a nice girt apple crowdy too, Main good me wife da meakin. An she do offen laff at I, An hold her zides a sheaken Ta zee how nice I do enjoy, Thic veed a beeans and beakin, Dree gallins she da aelwys cook, Begar, teant one to many Zides teaties, and girt cabbidges. Be drat if left, there's any. Tber's my bwo v' Tom, jist gone ten years, An var his age, main crafty, Jist wunt er stow broad beans away Long we a piece a rafty. Zix o'm he'll stick apon his vork An meak his mother haller Ta zee un ael tha lot at wonce Putt in his mouth an swaller. I zaays, lar mother dwont ee vret, Nar zich a row be meakin 104 Trust he, ta tackle em aelriglit, Thay'll slippy down we beakin. An tis zaprisin, pon me zong, What thic bwoy, will get droo Bezides the beakin, and tha beeans. He ull ate a dumplin too. Chip a tha woold block, praphs you'll zaay, An atter's dad is taken Well never mind ; he'll meak a man If a sticks ta beeans an beakin. I likes ta zee me childern av, A plenty a grub ta ate ; An when tha beeans thay be about, Dwoant want no butchers mate. Insteeds a veedin children well' Ther's lots a voke I knows, Who starves ther bellies, var ther backs Jist var ta av vine clothes. Bit dang if ever I does that. Pinch me zelf, nar neet me bwoy. An if we caant avoord broad cloth, We ull goo in carderoy. Tis a downright zin I'm sure it be Ta pinch yer childerns belly Jist var ta imitate rich voke I wunt, do it I tell ee. 105 Wonce, when I wur in Lunnen town, Along we me cussin Joe, Thay wur gwain to av a beean veast, An axed I var ta go. Dang it thinks I, now what a veed, I'm a gwain ta av bim bye, I'll bet a crown that nam o'm there Ull tackle tha beeans like I. Zoo when tha day war come we drove, Bout ten mile, vrim Lunnen town ; An at a girt vine Public House Ta dinner we ael zat down. Mwoast every jint that you cood neam, Wur putt on top a teable ; Ther wur no stint, av what ja mi'nt An much as you wur yeable. Bit dang me buttons how I steer'd, At thic ar splendid veed. When nar a bit a beakin vat, Nar beean, wur to be zeed. I zaays ta Joe, this whacks I quite Zaays he, whatever diss mean ? Why yers a been veast, cassen zee, Wie out a single beean. We that a busted out an grin'd An zet tha tothers lafi&n. 106 An zoo begar, ael droo the day I had ta beare ther chaffin. Bit, I cood'n zee tha drift at ael, A there grinnin an ther jokin, I thinks that I mwore razon had, Me vun at thay be pokin. Ta call a veast, a beean veast. An nar a beean in zight, I'm dang if jist dwoant puzzle I Da raaly whacks I quite. What I shid caal a beean veast. If one I wur a meaken Hood be a gallin every man, We pound a nice vat beakin, Zides teaties, an nice cabbidges. An dumplins, one at least Wie quart a yale, ar zider strong, Var to waish down the veast. If I wur Queen, a Englind, An laas I had tha meakin, I'd zee that every wirken man Had plenty a beeans an beakin. Varmers shid graw em out in vield An vat pigs vur nice beakin An then thay hooden grumble so Nar bout bad times be quaken. 107 Zo you mid laff an chaff away An vun at I be meakin I tell ee straight, ther's nuthen like A veed a beeans an beakin Yoke zaays I'll zoon get tired on't Mid my yead never be acken Till I da gie up, gettin outzide A platter a beeans an beakin. HAYMEAKIN ZONG, When Mid-zummer is draain nigh. An grass in mead, an vield is high. Up we tha zun away da go Tha mawers var ta lay it low ; We gleamin sythe thay ael tha day, Da whet, an swet, an maw away, While wives da voUie on behind^ An sheaks tha swaths out ta tha wind. CHORUS. Var haymeakin in zummer prime Is a joyvul happy time. Them strappen chaps, Jim, Jack, an Joe, Be rare good fellers var ta mow, Auver a yeaker in a day Thay '11 cut, an caal it purty play, 108 An zometimes thay ull av a bout, Ta zee who vust on em gies out, Bit Joe's tha baste man a tha dree Thear's narn ta come up zides we he. CHOEUS : Var haymeakin, &c. Down mead, it be a purty zite, "When tha weathers warm an bright ; Ta hear tha glad haymeakin yoke, Za merry hke, we zong an joke, Ta zee tha childern jump an play, An rompse amang tha new mawn hay An coortin couples be tha brook Wanderen to zom sheady nook. CHORUS : Var haymeakin, &c. Measter and Missus oft coms out, Ta help an turn tha hay about, Ther strappen zon, an daaters gay, Likes ta vrolic we tha hay, Var plazes em ta zee tha cut. An smill tha scent, as sweet's a nut, An oft ull zend var extry beer Tha leaburen people var ta cheer. CHORUS : Var haymeakin, &c. At nunchen time vrim tha hot zun, Ta yander wilier tree, thay run Which bye tha river's baink da spread, Like a girt tent up auver yead, An here tha zimple vare gooes down, 109 A braden cheese an yale za brown Wich every man, ooman an bwoy Hearty and happy da enjoy. CHORUS : Var haymeakin, &c. An when tha grass is ael cut down, An zun an wind av dried it brown, Hosses an waiggins purty quick Haals it away, up ta tha rick, An when tis zeafly inta stack Beeans an beakin is tha tack Girt poodens too, baccy an beer. An close tha day we jolly cheer. CHORUS : Var haymeakin, &c. THE WILTSHIRE MOONRAKERS. Down Vizes way zom years agoo. When smuggal'n wur nuthen new, An people wurden nar bit shy, Of who they did ther sperrits buy. In a village liv'd a Publican, Who kept an Inn, Tha Pelican, A man he wur, a man a merit An his neam wur Ikey Perritt. Ael roun about tha country voke 110 Tha praise of thease yer landlard spoke ; Var wen any on'em wur took bad, They knaw'd wur sperrits coud be had ; An daly it wur nice an handy, At tha PeHcan ta get yer brandy. Twer zwold as chep as tis in Vrance, Tho a course, twer done in iggerance. One winter, Crismis time about, Thease lanlords tubs ad ael run out. Zays he, this yer's a purty goo, Var mwore what ever shall I do ; Thic smugglin Zam's a purty chap, Ta lave I here wieout a drap ; An wen a promised dree months back, A hooden vail ta bring me whack. Bit praps tha zizevoke voun his trail, An med a pop'd inta jail, Howsemdever, I'll zen and zee, Ta marrer wats become a he. Zoo nex day at nite he off did start. Two girt chaps wie a donkey cart. Ta Bristil town thay took ther way. An got there as twur gettin day ; Tha smugglers house tha zoon voun out, An tould 'n wat they wur com about. Ael rite, zays he, I've plenty bye. Bit we mist keep a cuteish eye, Var tha zize voke, thay be on tha watch. An two or dree have lately cotch. Zoo tell woold Perritt thats tha razin Ill I coudden zen avore ta pleaz un. Zoo wen twur dark thase smuggler bwold, Got dree tubs vrim a zacrit hould ; An unobsarved he purty smart, Zoon clap'd em in tha donkey cart ; An tha top a covered up we hay, Then zent tha chaps an cart away ; Ael droo tha streets quite zeaf an zoun, Thay zoon jog'd out a Bristil town. An vore tha vuU moon ad arose, To ther neative pleace, wur drawin close ; Wen to ther girt astonishment, Thay met wie a awkurd accident. In passin auver Cannins Brudge, Tha stubborn donkey hooden budge ; Tha chaps thay leather'd well his back. Bit a diden keer var ther attack ; Bit jibb'd an beller'd, shook his mean Then kick'd bouth shafts right off za clane. Up went tha cart, tha tubs vill out. An in tha road zood roll'd about ; An vore tha chaps cood ardly look, Ael dree ad roU'd straite in tha brook. Well here's a purty goo zays one. Why Will, wat ever's to be done ? I'd like ta kill thic donkey quite. If thee wurst, zays Tom, tid zar un rite. Doost knaa wat tha matter wur ? I thinks a got a vorester ; Var I nevir knaw'd un hack like this, Unless zummit wur much amiss, 112 Look at un now he's in a scare, An gwain as hard as he can tare ; We bouth shafts danglin on tha groun, A wunt stop till he gets worn I'm bown. Zoo let un, I dwoant keer a snap, Var then thay'll gace thease yer mishap ; An zen zumbiddy on tha road, Ta help ess get wom seaf tha load. Bit zounds, while thus we do delay, Tha tubs, begar, ull swim away ; We mist get em out at any price, Tho' tha water be as cwoold as ice. Dwoant stan geapin zo, var goodness zeak, Eun to thic rick an vind a reak ; I thinks that I can reak em out, Var ther thay be swimmin about. Two reaks wur got, an then thease two Did reak an splaish we much ado ; Bit nar a tub thay diden Ian, Thay hooden zeem ta com ta han. Zays Tom, I'm tired a tha job, An hooden a tuck un var ten bob ; I ad a mine ta let em goo. An zo I will if thee hoot to. Get out, girt stup, we mist get in, Tho we da get wet ta tha skin. Till never do ta let em be, Zo tuck thee pants up roun thee knee. Tha chaps then took tha water bwould, Tho thay wur shram'd ni we tha cwoold ; 113 An jist as thay did heave one out, Ael at once a feller loud did shout — Hel'oh, me lads, wat up to there, Night Poacheus, ah, if teant I swear. Let goo, zays Will, I'm blow'd if tent, Vizes excizemin on tha scent ; Push off tha tub var goodness zeak, Get out tha brook, teak hould a reak ; Reak at tha moon a shinin zee. An dwoant thee spake, I'll tackle he. Tha zizemen now ad reach'd tha pleace. An Will he draa'd a ruful veace ; We beant no poachers zur zed he, Bit av ad a mishap as ya zee. Comin vrim Vize we donkey cart, On tha brudge tha donk mead zudden start ; An jirk'd, an jib'd, then gied a kick. An het bwouth shafts off purt^ quick. Out went ower things wich as ya zees. Lays ael about, an yer's a cheese ; He roU'd rite on straite in thease brook. An Tom's a reakun vor'un, look ! Tha Zizemin swallered ael o't in, An ta zee Tom reakun, gun ta grin, Girt vool, zays he, as true's I'm barn, Why that's tha moon, thee beest reakun vor'n An then a busted out agean. An zed of ael, that beat ael clean ; Ta zee a crazy headed coon, Reak at tha shadder of tha moon. Will wink'd at Tom, Tom wink'd at Will, 114 Ta zee how nice he'd took tha pill ; Ah, zur, you med laff as long's ya please, Bit we be zure it be a cheese. Zee how he shows hisself za plain, Com Tom, lets reak vor he again. Zo slap an dash went on tha reakin, While Zizeman he var vun wur sheakin ; An off a went houlden his zide, Var longer there a cooden bide. We grinnin his eyes did auvervlow, Ta zee thay chaps a reakin zo ; An ta think that now he'd tould em zo, Tha girt vools hooden ther frake vergo. Zoo up a got apon his hoss, An as tha brudge a went across, He zet up another harty grin, Wen a look'd an zeed em bouth get in ; An zed girt vools till zar em rite, If thay da ketch ther deaths ta nite. Bit wen he ad got clane away, Tha tubs wur got wieout delay ; And hid away, quite zeaf and zoun, Var a dark nite wen tha moon wur down. Then at the Pelican thease chaps, Purty zoon wur tellen ther mishaps ; Bit ael ther troubles they vergot, Wen they'd emptyied well tha landlords pot, An wen he a coose did pay em well Thease little stowry not ta tell ; 115 Zo wen tha Zizemin nex did com, Woold Perritt he a coose wur mum. An in a glass did jine wie glee, Wen Zizemin twould tha tale ta he ; Bit he laffd mwore wen zeaf one nite, Tha tubs wur brought worn snug an tite ; An many a bumper went a round, To think thay'd beat tha Zizemin zound. Bit he tha tale did zoon let out To ael tha countery roun about ; An to thease day, people da teeze, All Willsheer voke about tha cheese. Bit tis thay as can avourd ta grin. To zee ow nice a wur took in. Zoo wen out thease county you da goo. An voke da poke ther vun at you ; An caal ee a girt Willsheer coon, As went a reakun var tha moon. Jist menshin thease yer leetle stowry, And then bust out in ael yer glowry, That yer smeart Excisemin vresh vrum town, Wur took in wie a Willsheer clown. '^'^^^^t?;^^ 116 THA GIRT BIG FIGGETT? POODEN Ah, wen I wur a girt hard bwoy, We appetite nar mossel coy, Tha baste thing out ta gie I joy, Wur a girt big figgetty pooden. Tha very neam ow'un zeem'd enuff An ta smill un, ow did meak I puff, An lore, ow I did vill an stuff. When mother mead a pooden. Hache birthday she wur sure ta meak, A girt plum pooden, an a keak, An ax a vew vrens to parteak, Of her nice figgetty pooden. Tho mother adden much ta spend, She mead un good ya may depend. An purty quick ther wur a end, A thick ar birthday pooden. Na vear a any on't getten stale, If I wur handy an wur hale, Me appetite hood never vail, As long as ther wur pooden. Not that I wur a girt big glutton Like thic chap, as ate a laig a mutton Tho me waiscut oft I did unbutton When twur a extry girt un. 117 When I wur in tha village choir, An a veast wur gied ess be tha Squire, Tha us'd ta com in ael a vire, An as black mwoast as me hat. An twur rare vun ta zee em smoke, Var in wine an brandy thay did zoak, An pon me zong it wur no joke, Aten much a that ar pooden. Var mezelf I'd zooner av em plain, Zo's you can cut an come again, Wieout tha dread a gien ee pain, Like tha there brandy poodens. Wen in ta Zalsbry oft I went, Var measter on a errant zent, I warn mwoast ael me brass wur spent, In buy in zim figgetty pooden. I used ta knaa a lettle shop, In Brown Street, wur I off did pop, An well vill up me ungry crop. We nice sweet figgetty pooden. Tha used ta beak em in a tin. An tha ooman she did offen grin Ta zee ow zoon I did ate in Her nice hot figgetty pooden. Times on times we vun she've cried, An wur ablidged ta hould her zide, 118 Ta zee ow zoon away I'd bide, That ar dree penneth a pooden. It done her good she did declare, Ta zee I at me pooden there. An she aelwys gied I mwourn me sheare, Cos I wur vond a pooden. Ah, oft I thinks apon tha time, When Crismis bells merry da chime, What a girt pooden, nice an prime. Mother did meak var we. A used to come in steamin hot. Nearly as big's a waishen pot, Wie vigs an currands zich a lot. In thick ar Crismis pooden. Lore, ow me young eyes glissen'd at un, An fiather he did zay, '' Odd drat un." I do believe while I wur chatten. Thick bwoy ud ate thic pooden. Dree sorrens on't I aelwys had. An fiather he did look like mad. Bit mother she wur aelwys glad. An zay *' Lar let'n av his pooden." A coose I diden av much mate, Nar gierdeu stuff apon me plate, An pooden aelwys wur a trate, Specily thick one at Crismis. 119 Tho I own, I did av mworn me whack Me lips var mwore did offen smack An me waistcut offen war main slack Wen tha pooden wur ael gone. A contented bwoy I aelwys wur, An diden cry an meak a stur, Wen he wur gone cos there wurnt mwore, Like a bwoy I knaas who did. His mother once mead a girt pooden, Thinkin she'd gie her bwoy a dooin, Atter aten till na mwore a cooden, Cry'd, cos a adden vinish'd un. Wen I grow'd up a biggish bwoy, Wat thay caals zart a hobbledehoy, Tha chaps did try I to annoy Be caalin out " figgetty pooden." Bit theri3 I diden use ta keer, Var ael ther chaff, an joke, an sneer, I diden stop it, never vear. Wen ther wur any pooden. If ever I da av a wife, Ta live we I ael droo thease life, I'll tell her if she dwoant want strife, Ta meak I plenty a poodens. Begar, I hooden mind betten a crown, That if a chap is mainly down, 120 Nuthen ull cure un I'll be bown, Like a girt big figgetty pooden. A zeems ta drave ael keer away, An meak yer heart veel light an gay, That you'll zeem merry ael tha day Atter aten figgetty pooden. Zoo teak thease hint ael leaburers wives If you de wish var happy lives, You'll av em zure if you contrives Ta get lots a figgetty poodens. If ya caant avoord much butchers mate, Ta putt apon yer usbins plate, Putt avore un then, what he can ate, A nice girt figgetty pooden. His health an straingth it will zustain. An vlesh he's zartin zure ta gain. An a unger never he'll complain If ya gets un lots a pooden. Meself, ael things I hood gie up Even do wieout me pipe an cup, Var I cud dinner, tay, an zup, On a nice girt figgetty pooden. -^^^^^^^^^9^^ 121 WILTSHIEl TALIS. ZACKEEIER CHAABEAKTN, AN HIS VISIT TA WARMISTEE TA ZEE THA PRINCE OF WAILES. Part I. Me neam is Zackerier Chaabeakin, me fiather's neam wur Zackerier, an me granfers neam wur Zackerier too Accordiii to ower woold vamily bible tha Chaabeakin's can treace back ther antickety var mworn two underd year, an in vact thay've a lived in tha zeam cot, in tha zeam village, var mworn haighty year, wich is a longish time good now. Tha Chaabeakin's av bin a tarbUsh powervul vamily in thease yer county a Willsheer var a good many underd years ther beant no dout a that, var yeant ower county veamus var pigs, everywhere droo out tha wordle ? Now zom voke da pride therzelves mainly bout treacin back their antickety, zom da zay thay can goo back ta Garge tha vust, zom ta Hin tha haight, zom ta Bill tha Conqueror, zom ta Offerd tha girt, an zom that ther vorefiathers com auver wie tha Romans in Julius Sazars time, bit noon on em can treace back longer than tha Chaabeakins, var thay can goo back right ta Adam an Eve, an I'm dang if any on em can whack that I knaas. Well tha cot we da live in is bout dree mile vrim Yaanbury Castle rings, to tha rite of tha road 122 laden vrim Zalsbry ta Warmister, tis a nicish pleace enough in vine weather, an you can zee a longish way ael round about. In vront on ess ael down tha Wiley valley, we can jist ketch a glimpse a tha girt spire a Zalsbry Cumthedrel ; to tha right is tha girt big hoods a Grovely an girt Eidge, an on a clare day we can zee tha different rings, barrers, mounds, an ditches, which they there voke caal'd Harcheologist da zaay wur mead be tha Eoamins nigh two thousand years agoo var to bury ther dade in what wur killed in battle. To tha lift on ess is tha girt Zalsbry Plaain stretchen away var miles an miles an wur da stan thay girt big stounes caal'd Stounehenge. Behine ower house is tha girt hills aroun Warmister, Scratchley, Cley Hill, an Battlesbury, an a lot mwore who's neams I varget, to tha right is tha Malbere^ downs, handy ta which is tha vigure of a girt white hoss, cut out in tha chaak an which thay da zaay tha Zaxon voke used ta wurship, zoo teak it aeltagether, I da think we lives in one of tha nicest pleacin on Zalsbry Plaain. Aelthough no dout ta mwoast voke it hood zeem a terryable dull pleace ta live in, bit ve've ad zim stirrin things teak pleace yer zunce I've bin in tha wordle, var wen I wur a bwoy, bout twenty years agoo, ther wur zich a zet out as wur never zeed avore nar zunce, caal'd the Autumn Manoovers. Lore, wurden that a zite ta be zure, I never shaant varget it. Varty thousand zowljers, an out on em ten thousand hoss, haaf on em tother zide tha Wiley, amang tha hoods a Grovely, an Girt Eidge, an haaf on em ower zide, hidden in ael zarts a pleacin, vallies, plantations, varm steeds, and zich like, not var totherem ta zee em ; Bit lore, wen thay did meet wurden 123 there zim battles ta be zure. Tha vust on em took pleace at Codvird, another at Wishvird, another cloas ta ower cot aroun Yaanbry an tha last on em at Woodvird, vawer aeltagether. An atter thease battles, in wich skiercly arn o'm wur kill'd, there wur a girt vine review at Beakin Hill, an wich wur a zite I can tell ee, tha peapers ael zed twur tha grandest militery zite as ever ad bin zeed in woold Englind. Lar ow I wish thay'd com yer agean we thay there manoovers, var bezides bein a vine zite, it done a lot a good ta tha village voke, var it stirred up trade a good un, an zom a tha yoke mead a smeartish bit a money out o'nt, var mwoast ael tha girt voke a tha Ian wur yer, an tha Prince a Wailes^a ridin about everywhere. Well, taakin about he da bring inta me yead wat I promised var ta tell ee about, an that is as ya zee be tha title, " his visit ta Warmister," zoo then yer gooes. Well tha night avore he wur ta com, I zaays ta measter, " Can I av ta-marrer atter dinner, as I da wan ta goo inta Warmister ta zee tha Prince a Wailes com in?" "O eece, Zack, be aej means thee canst go, I thinks I shill goo meself, var aelthough I beant royalty crazy, nar neet got it on me brain, I shill goo jist ta shaw un me respects like." Zoo jist as I had done thankin on un an wur gwain wom, I rin'd back an I zaays, " I spoose measter ya hooden be kine enuff ta let Zuzan goo, hood ee?" "Well, I mist ax missus about that, Zack," zaays he, " if she ant got no jection I be ^ure I haant, zoo I'll ax her, wen I da goo in." " Thank ee, measter," zaay I, an off I went whoam, bit I'd skiercley popped me yead in doores, when Zue com 124 runnin ael down tha lean a hollerin " Zack ! Zack ! Zackey ! I'm a gwain ! I'm a gwain." " Beest," zaays I, '' well missus is kind an no misteak." *' An zoo she is, Zackey, var mworn gien a haaf hollerdy she's gwain t a gie ess haaf a crown a piece ta pay var ower riden in tha train. " God bless her," zaays I, " she's a downrite good un, that she is. Well then, Zue me dear, we'll steart vrim here bout twelve a clock zo's we can waak down ta Codvird an teak tha train there." '* Ael right," zaays she, an atter gien on her two whoppen kisses, one on hache cheek, away she rin'd back ta varm. Zoo next day zoon atter twelve, off bouth on ess went, ta ketch tha train at Godvird stayshin var Warmister, an thar wur a girt crowd a voke a waiten ther var ta goo on we un. Zoo atter waiten a goodish bit in com tha girt long train we nearly every carridge vull a people a gwain ta zee tha Prince a Wailes. Zue an I rind up an down, a peepin in yer, an peepin in there, bit nar a empty sate cood arn oance zee. I wur beginnin ta get main spitevul var I wur avraid tha train hood goo on athout ess, wen all at once I yeard zim biddy hollie out •' Zack ! Zack ! yer, com down yer an get in," an zure enuff twur no other then measter a caalin out vrim a vust class carridge. " Lar, measter," I zaays, ** I mussen get in thick un, ar thay'll zummons I." " Com on an nevir thee mine that," a zaays, an wie that in a dragged I an Zue, an lore jaminni, I wur never in zich a pleace avore, an wen I went ta zit down twur like zitten on a heap a chaff, dang if I diden think I wur gwain right droo. Thick carridge wur vitted up jist like ower Squires draain room. Lore 125 I zaays " Zue, how I shid like ta goo ael tha way ta Lunnen in un," " an zoo shid I too, Zackey," zaays she. Zoo as zoon as tha train started off I zeed there wur ony vive voke in tha peartment that war I an Zue' Measter an Missus, an a girt lanky zart of a man wie a long jaa an a leetle bit a beard on his chin no bigger than a tuff like, an a had on a girt cwoat as rached nearly down ta his toes, wie a girt broad band round tha middle on un, an on his hade, a girt wide awake hat wie a brim wide enough amwoast var a bwoy ta ride aroun on, an ther a zat a lookin at I an Zue, an diden speake a word, till bye an bye, measter zaays to un, " I hope you'll excuse this young liian an ooman bein in here." " Dwoant mention it vren," zaays he, ** I reckon one man's as good's another, wether he be in broadcloth ar fustin if he's an honest man." " Jist zo " zaays measter, "bit excuse me var mention on it, ony ya know ther's a good many straight leaced zart a people in thease yer wordle, that hood as zoon ride wie a bear as a poor wirken man." " I guess you're right there, strainger " zaays he," an zunce I've bin in Eng- lind if ther's one thing that disgusts I mwore than another tis this yer abominable .class distinction in yer society. Guess I'm zick on it, an da mwoast meak me blood bwile ta zee it every day as I do. My standard a nobility an greatness, is a straight, upright, downright, honest man, as Bobby Burns tha Scotch poet da zaay, A King can make a belted Knight, A Duke, a Lord, an a that, Bit an honest man's aboon his might, &c. Bit yer, you English voke, reckons a man up by his pocket, an style a dress, an tha whole an zole aim of 126 tha girt majority of yer people is keeping up appearances an apin ther betters, pen apon it tis tha cuss a yer country. Ya dwoant zee zich torn foolery in Americky, there, one man's as good as another, if he's an honest man, we dwoant believe in caste, tha humblest in tha land, can rise to tha highest pinnacle of feam, as you can zee by zom of ower Presidents who have risen vrim obscurity." '' Well eece," zaays measter, ''that's true, I da yeat pride mezelf caant abear it, bit ower country I know is rampant we it. Ya can zee it in ael classes of society. I mezelf da knaw voke, in tha very humblest waaks a life, who nearly starve therselves ta keep up apperances, an I da knaw men wie ther thousands who be as umble like as a leetle chile, an I dwoant dout bit wat you in Americky av got zom zich zart a people. " Well, I calculate we have," zaid tha strainger, ^' bit ther ya zee, no biddy da teak any notice on em, thervore thay doant vlourish an beant za numerous as here in Englind. As var yer titled voke, wot is it bit mere emptyness. Now here to-day, in thease very train, wots tha meanin a tha crowds a voke leavin ther businessess an work ta goo an zee a man pass droo tha street becaas he happens to be a Prince. Why to me tis down right idolatry, I da caal it. " Well vriend," zaays measter, " to a zartin extent you be/ight. Var mezelf an vrens mist plade guilty to this idolitary, if idolitary it be, var that zartinly is they intent an purpose of our gwain ta Warmister ta-day. Bit vriend ther be other motives then merely gratifiyin tha eye ta look at a man becaas he's a Prince. I teak it, that tha harty welcome he will av ta day, vrim ael 127 classes of zociety is extended to un, becaas he is tha representative an will be, zom day if God da speer un. at tha head of ower glorious constitution, a constitution, second ta noon in tha wordle, an wich even you Merickans do admit is tha envy of ael. Much I knaas needs menden, much we med wie advantage copy vrim you, bit this me vriend ya must convess, that to-day Englind we ael her vaats stands pre-eminent as tha Ian a vreedom." " Here, here, well done, measter," zaays I, main hearty. Tha Merican man cood ardly keep vrum laffin* ta hear what a hearty cheer I gied ower measter, ater he had had his zay, an jist as thay wur gettin ready var another vew wirds tha Drain draa'd up at Warmister stayshin an zo twur cut shart, zoo atter sheaken hands wie tha Yankee an wishen on un good bye, out we got, amaing underds, an underds, a voke that choked up ael tha very platvarm, an jist wur tha Prince a Wailes wur ta get out, a vine rid carpet wur put down var he ta tread on. An ael about wur girt shrubs, an plants, an vlowers, mixed up we vlags an banners, that it ael looked jist like a viary pleace, that you da rade o in books. Zoo atter gapin at ael o't I teaks hold Zue be tha yarm, an off we went a voUien up a girt vine zowljers band, as wur come on purpose ta play tha Prince an his leady in, an ael down tha street. Mwoast every house wur decorated up we vlags an banners an motters on em, here an there wur gran arches a ever greens, wie tha wirds on em " Welcome," " Long live tha Prince an Princess a Wailes," an lots a mwore bezides as I've vargot. I never zeed zich a zite avore, an Zue an I wur plased we't down ta groun, I ad a mine 128 ta put down ael that we zeed in a leetle book that I had, bit ZuG zed she shid mine em ael. Zoo up an down we waak'd an gap'd about var mworn a nower, till I begun ta get main peckish like, an I zaays ta Zue " Tis now jist vawer a clock, an tha Prince yeant a comin in till viva zapose we da goo zomwhere, an av zumniit ta ate an drink." " Ael right, Zack," zays she, " an zoo we will, var I da veel a leetle leer like mezelf." Part II. Zoo off we gooes to a Public House an a wur chok'd up like a bee hive, howzemdever wie a lot a pushen an scrungen we got in, an vound a good sate. " Bring in a quart a yale " zays I ta tha waiter, an wur jist agwain ta border haaf a gallin loaf, an a poun a cheese, when Zue gied me yarm a tug, an zaays " I've got plenty var ta ate," an begar she took out o her leetle basket a girt snowl a brade, an a whoppin piece a ham, a poun I warn. " Lar Zue," I zaays, '* wurst get this vrom," an she zaid " Missus tould her ta teak it, var she zed Warmister hood be za vuU a voke that we shudden be yeable ta get any thing ta ate praps, an had better be zure to teak zom." " Lar Zue," zaays I, " beant she a veelin ooman ta think on ess like this here." Zoo in com tha quart a yale an Zue an I purty quick polished off thick loaf an piece a ham, an wur gettin zart a merry like, wen in com vawer musickers, one wie a viddle, a harp, a vife, an a brassen trumpet, an lar if thay didden play za nice an sweet, that Zue an I wur car'd right off 129 lika, we tha zound on't, twur stunnen begar twur. Zoo atter thay'd a played dree ar vawer tunes wie gied em tuppence apiece ael round, an axed em ta drink we ess, wich thay ael zeem'd main glad ta do, an purty quick emptied another quart, bit I didden keer var that. " Here waiter vill un agean," var I wur zo took we thay there musickers I cood a gied em anything, zoo he wie tha viddle coms up, an a zaays " Can ee zing a zong young man, if zoo we'll compny ee wie tha music ? " " Well," zaays I, " I've a got a vew lines in me noddle about thease yev vine kick up yer ta day. I'll zing em if you can play tha tune as I studded em var," zoo I hummed auver tha tune, an thay cotched it hold in a jiffy, zoo I got on teable an hoff I started ZONG. Com ael you jolly moonrakers, As wirks in vield ar barn. Com lissen to thease ditty, You'll be plazed we he I warn. CHORUS. Let every man an bwoy ta-day Who holds plough, ar use tha vlails, Het in an zing God bless tha Queen, Likewise tha Prince a Wailes. Tha Prince a Wailes, ower good Queen's zon, Amangst ess coms ta-day. Then hurrah, an cheer un long an loud. That tha zound he'll car away. Chorus : Let every man, &c. 130 Jist let un zee we Willshere voke, Beant very vur behind, An Eoyai voke can welcome well Wen we meaks up ower mind. Chorus : Let every man, &c. Tho' zom shid scoff, an zay what vools, Ta be meakin zich a vust, Dwoant heed em bwoys, bit cheer agean. We voices vit ta bust. Chorus : Let every man, &c. Var tis ower constitution bwoys, Wie cheers in thease yer Prince, Var he'll be king a Englind, Zoo cheer, let narn o ee wince. Chorus : Let every man, &c. Var nar a Ian like Englind Ther beant in ael tha wordle, Wur every man's as vree's a bird, Wur vreedom's vlaig's unvurld- Chorus : Let every man, &c. Then cheer, till meak'n proud a we, An a wunt varget I'm bown, Tha day he zich a welcom had In Warmister's gay town. Chorus : Let every man, &c. 131 lar zich a hooray, knookin a teables, sheakin a glasses, an stampin a veet, as ther wur atter I ad zung thic zong I'm dang if twerden like Bedlim let loose. Thay ael crowded roun I, like a vlock a sheep, an offeren ta trate 1 wie anything I mi'nt ta av, thay wur zo took up wie me zong thay zaid, an Zue she wur quite struck up like, an zaays, " Lar Zack, I didden knaa thee cudst meak pawltry." " Na mwore did I, Zue, till I tried mehan on, an what's think on't,?" I zaays. " stunnen" zaays she *• I wish tha Prince a Wailes, cood a yeard it I warn he'd a gied thee a shillin." "Bit wat a pity tis," zaays tha viddler, " bit what ya adden a thought on't before an had em printeed ya cood a zould underds amang tha voke yer ta-day I warnd." Zoo atter thankin ael o'm var their good veelins, I zaays ta Zue, " Tha time is draain on, an we'd better get out an vind a good pleace ta Stan in, ta zee tha Prince an Princess goo bye, zoo atter promisin tha landlard an musickers ta caal agean, wen twur ael auver, off we went yarm in yarm, bit I very zoon ad ta stop that, var tha streets wur crammed ^p zo, that twur a job ta get about zingly let aloone hetch'd up in yarms. Bim bye however, atter a lot a drungen an scrungen, we managed ta squeeze owerzelves droo tha voke, an zettled down jist under one of tha trumpet arches cloas ageanst tha Townd Hall. *' This '11 be a nay shin good pleace, ta zee em," zaays I ta Zue, •* var thay'U lite up tha gas bim bye, an till be as light as day, zoo we'll stick here an wunt waig a paig till atter thame gone bye." ''Aelright Zack," zaays Zue, "I'll stick be yer zide as tight as wex." Zoo in bout haaf a nower, a chap wie a girt long stick lighted up tha gas, an 132 lore twur bright an neariy dazzled me eyes a lookin at it. Ther wur in virey letters tha Prince a Wailes' veathers, an in under " God bless em bouth," I never zeed nuthin like it avore, an wur we stood twur as light as tha day. Bit tha wust on't wur, tha rain begun ta drizzle a bit, an tha wind got za high, that lots a tha gas jets w^ur blowed out purty nigh as vast as tha did light em. I wur main zorry ta zee it, but a coose cooden be helped an tha chaps wie tha stick tried ta keep em a light as well's thay cood. Then ael at wonce we yeard zich boomin zounds that mead I an Zue nearly jump off ower laigs wie vright, they wur lettin off tha cannin, a royal salute, jist as tha train wur draain in to tha stayshin. An wen tha Prince an his pearty stepped out, tha plantation at tha back a tha stayshin looked jist as though twur ael a vire, var in under tha trees ther w^ur underds a different coloured lights a burnin, an tha flection on't lighted up nearly ael tha town. Well twur den long atter avore we yeard zich cheerin, shouten, hoohrayin, an scamperin a bosses, an voke a hollie un out "Thame a comin! thame a comin ! " An as we look'd ael up tha street atween tha long rainks a zowljers as wur ther we vix'd baynits ta clare tha road an keep back tha crowd, we zeed a lot a yeomantry caviltry, a gallopin along like mad wie draa'd zoords, a undered on em ar mwore, an atter they'd gone past Lard Baths girt vine carridge we vower posttillions, an inside wur tha Prince an Princess a Wailes, along we Lard Bath an jist as thay com ni tha arch gean wur we stood, we zet up zich a hearty hooray. I'm zure thay mist av yeard it at Zalsbry purty nigh, tha Prince putt his yead out, an 133 zeemed za pleased, a nodden yer an there ta tha voke. A looked straight at I, an zeamed ta knaa I agean, var I zeed un a good many times on tha Plaain, wen tha Autumn Manoovers wur on, an I warn'd he minded it. I diden ze much of his missus var she wur nodden, an smilen at tha voke tother zide tha street. Atter thay wur gone bye a lot mwore carridges com'd on, crammed up we girt voke, an atter thay, tha zarvents we tha boxes an passils. Zoo atter thay wur ael gone on ta Longleat House, tha crowds a voke mead ther way to a girt ground wur zim virewirks wur gwain ta be let off, and twur a vien zite to be sure. Zue an I looked on we ower mouths wide open, in meaze- mint var we had never zeed nuthen like it avore. An wen that wur auver, a girt bonvire wur lit on tha top a Cley Hill, a chap tould ess as ow ther were a thousand vaggits in un, bezides varty or fifty tar an oil barrells, an I da think twur true too, var aelthough it wur a dampish nite it bleazed up an lighted ael tha country roun var miles. "Well Zue," zaays I "tis a vine zite zurely, an I hooden a miss'd it var a pound." Zoo atter watchin ael on'tvar a nower ar two I begins ta get dryish like, an zaays ta Zue, " Come along, let's goo back ta thic ar public house, an whet ower whissle a bit." Away we trudged ael droo tha voke as vast as we cood, an wen we got in, tha Laniard axed ess ta goo upstairs ta tha club room, var a leetle pearty wur gwain on a dancin an zingin. *' Shill's goo up, Zue, an av a bit of a jig." " If you'm a minteed, Zack," zaays she. Zoo up we gooes, an paid drippence a piece at tha doors, var ta pay tha band, an wen we got in about thirty ar vorty young voke wur dancin away like 134 steam. Zoo atter whettin ower whissle, I teaks woold a Zue an zwung her about thic room till she cried out that her yead wur zwimmin round, an cooden keep it up na longer. Vagged out we bouath zat down an atter we had rasted a bit, tha Laniard comes across ta ax if I'd