THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA GIFT OF Mary Randall THE 8 I 8 T E E 8: A MEMOIR OP ELIZABETH H., ABBIE A., AND SARAH P. DICKERMAN. BY REV. ISRAEL P. WARREN. AMERICAN TRACT SOCIETY, B S T ON. Entered according to Act of Cpngress, in the year 1859, by THE AMERICAN TRACT SOCIETY, In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the District of Massa- chusetts. GIFT Geo. C. Hand & Avery, Printers, 3 Cornhili, Boston. PREFACE. MA]S~T persons, especially among the young, who desire to be useful in the service of Christ, fancy themselves debarred the privilege by want of oppor- tunity. Had they been called to be ministers or missionaries, could they dispense thousands in char- ity, or had they the advantages of high social position, they would, as they flatter themselves, accomplish much for the cause of their Redeemer. In the absence of these opportunities, they feel unable to do any thing, and their endeavors are few and worthless. The example of the young persons whose brief lives are sketched in this memoir is deemed instruc- tive, as showing the error of this prevalent impres- sion. They were of the ordinary walks of life ; yet they had learned the secret of doing good. Emi- nent in their personal piety, they strove both by example and direct effort to effect the salvation of others. If opportunities of usefulness were not pre- IV PREFACE. sented, they made them ; and they found as others will, who do the same thing Providence cooperat- ing with them, and rewarding their humblest under- takings with his blessing. The author has felt embarrassed in the selections from their journals and letters by the frequent allu- sions they contain to himself and his family. To insert these seemed, possibly, indelicate ; to omit them, unjust to those who penned them amid the most sacred records of their spiritual history. He trusts that the few allusions of this kind which he has admitted will be pardoned, when it is remem- bered how intimate are the relations between a pastor and the youth of his flock, an intimacy which, in the case of these sisters, was one of pecu- liar interest and tenderness. CONTENTS. CHAPTER I. Residence Birth Childhood, 9 CHAPTER, H. Early religious impressions Conversion Admission to the Church, 12 CHAPTER HI. Attendance at school -Thirst for knowledge Abbie's Journal- Letters Solicitude for the conversion of her schoolmates, 19 CHAPTER IV. Teaching Commencement of school in Mt. Carmel Labors for the conversion of pupils School exhibition " The flower fadeth, ' ' Missionary aspirations, 45 CHAPTER V. Sickness Thirst for knowledge Darkness Parting from friends Spiritual comfort Resignation, ^67 VI CONTENTS. CHAPTEK VI. Elizabeth's journal of the last hours The dying scene The funeral, 103 CHAPTER VII. Influence of Abbie's character and death Elizabeth's resolutions Visit to Plymouth Re-opening of school Prayers and labors for her pupils Music lessons Death of her grandmother, 128 CHAPTER Organization of the Hart Female Seminary Elizabeth as Prin- cipal Discouragements Brightening prospects Household cares Labors for souls Revival, 153 CHAPTER IX. Fannie Her early character Conversion Diary Efforts of usefulness, 179 CHAPTER X. Fannie Sickness and death, , 199 CHAPTER XI. Improvement of affliction Elizabeth's return to her school Re- newed efforts of usefulness Perplexity as to duty Determines to relinquish her charge Close of term, 212 CONTENTS. Vll CHAPTER XH. At home Relaxation from labor Domestic duties Visiting Correspondence, 236 CHAPTER XHI. End of the diary Visiting Beginning of sickness Invitation to Harrisburgh Severe suffering Medical attendance Cheer- fulnessSubmissionSolicitude for her mother Unclouded hope Farewells Death Letters of friends, 261 THE SISTERS. CHAPTER I. Residence Birth Childhood. THE beautiful plain upon which New Haven is built extends northward from Long Island Sound, between the mountain ranges of the East and West Rocks, across the whole breadth of Connecticut. At about eight miles from the city, it is interrupted by the high and rugged cliff of Mount Carmel, projecting like a spur from the western range, from which it is sepa- rated by a deep notch. The view from the sum- mit of this mountain, a place of frequent resort to the lovers of pleasant scenery, is strikingly beautiful. Northward, the broad valley stretches away in the distance in a variegated landscape of hill and dale, of venerable orchards and green meadows, with here and there a winding brook gleaming through the verdure like a silver thread 10 THE SISTERS. woven in some flower-wrought carpet. In the south, the blue waters of the Sound bound the horizon, embosoming in their crescent the city, partly hid by East Rock, and the prairie-like " salt meadows " which surround the head of the bay ; while, at your feet, is the little white church of the parish, and a long street of pleasant resi- dences, with here and there the tall chimney of a manufactory, and ever and anon a railway train gliding in graceful curves along the valley; the whole constituting a picture of quiet beauty rarely surpassed in all the diversified scenery of New England. At a little distance from the foot of this moun- tain, and near the church of the parish, named from this conspicuous feature of it, " Mount Carmel," was the home of the subjects of this memoir. They were children of Deacon EZRA, and SARAH J. DICKERMAN, both descended from ancient Puritan families in New Haven; the mother tracing her ancestry to the Rev. Nicho- las Street, the successor of Davenport as pastor of the first church in that city. The births of the three were as follows: ELIZABETH HALL, born May 21, 1829. ABBIE ANN, born July 22, 1831. SARAH PRANCES, born April 18, 1838. CHILDHOOD. 11 They were the only daughters in a family of nine children, of whom one died in infancy; a family who were all trained with scrupulous care in the principles and duties of religion, and who share in large measure the blessing of God upon parental faithfulness. The childhood of these sisters was marked by little worthy of special notice. They were active and intelligent, fond of reading, and apt in the usual studies of their age. In disposition, Eliz- abeth was mild and gentle, inclined to cheerful- ness, and of a sunny temperament. Abbie, and to a less extent also, " Fannie/ 7 (as she was usu- ally called,) were more impatient, sometimes irritable, and the former suffered often from de- pression of spirits. Though remarkably decided and firm of purpose, yet there mingled with this a native modesty which shrunk from notice, and, in the two eldest, amounted almost to reserve. They were, in a word, amiable and interesting children, the pride of their family, * and giving promise of an early development of character in more than ordinary sweetness and purity. 12 THE SISTEES. CHAPTER II. Early religious impressions Conversion Admission to the Church. IT might be expected that persons educated as these young girls were, would have, even in childhood, seasons of marked religious impres- sions. Such was especially the case with Abbie. Her mother mentions an occasion of this kind in the spring of 1838, when she was scarcely seven years old. As the family were sitting by the fireside, Abbie began to weep. On being ques- tioned as to the cause, she did not incline to an- swer; but being pressed with the inquiry, at length said it was because she felt herself to be a sinner; and as Elizabeth made a similar avowal, while nothing unusual had occurred to awaken their emotion, their parents hoped it might be the work of the Holy Spirit in their hearts, and earnestly renewed their consecration of them to the favor of their covenant-keeping God. Nothing was said to them of entertaining a hope that they were Christians, but they were simply encour- EARLY IMPRESSIONS OF ABBIE. 13 aged to enter upon the performance of religious duty. Ever after this they manifested much de- light in spiritual things, and were very regular in their habits of devotion. In 1840, the church in Mount Carmel enjoyed a season of revival, in which they were greatly interested, attending the meetings, striving to secure the presence of their young companions, and frequently express- ing the most ardent desires for the conversion of souls, and for the progress and extension of the work. At one of the first of these meet- ings, when the minister then laboring there spoke to her in relation to her feelings, Abbie looked up to him with a timid smile, and said, U I do love my Saviour ! " nor did there seem to be any good reason to doubt the truth of her assertion. It was not, however, till 1845, that religion assumed a distinctly marked character in either. In the autumn of that year, Abbie came down from her chamber very early one Sabbath morn- ing, weeping; having; been awakened in a violent thunder storm, by an alarming dream which the storm had probably occasioned. She was very much distressed in view of her guilt and danger as a sinner, and begged her mother's advice and prayers. But though in a measure relieved by these, she did not immediately find peace. Her convictions were deep and overwhelming. In- 14 THE SISTERS. deed, it was a characteristic of her experience in all her subsequent course, to have at times, and often for weeks together, the most profound and distressing views of her sinfulness ; and it was only when, by repeated trials, she had cast herself wholly on Christ for pardon and deliver- ance, that she learned to throw off her burden, and take to herself the comfort of an abiding hope in him. It was on the succeeding Wednesday, after a season of very peculiar suffering, and while engaged in prayer with her mother, that she first felt the dawn of peace in her soul. It was, indeed, like the morning light after a night of storm. The transition from despair to hope filled her with joy. " Oh," she exclaimed, " how I want to have Edward and Elizabeth feel as I do ! " On that very day she wrote to the former, (her eldest brother,) then at school in a neigh- boring town, narrating what she had just expe- rienced, and tenderly entreating him to seek forthwith an interest in the Saviour. Nor did she write in vain. The blessing of the Holy Spirit seemed to accompany the letter, and her brother was so deeply affected by the intelligence, and the earnest appeals to his heart, that he was unable to rest till he, too, was rejoicing in the same new-born hopes. CONVERSION OF ABBIE AND HER BROTHER. 15 To her sister Elizabeth she was equally faith- ful, though not with the same immediate results. " E.," she wrote in a second letter to her brother, " spent the Sabbath at home ; and oh! how glad I was to see her and tell her what a precious Saviour I trust I have found." The latter was then engaged in teaching ; and having at the age of sixteen the sole care of a school of fifty pu- pils, it is not surprising that her mind was too much engrossed with her occupation to give to anything else a very particular attention. Still, the effect of Abbie's entreaties was not entirely lost. An impression was made which was never obliterated ; and often did she remark in later years, that both she and her brother had reason to regard their sister as having been in an emi- nent degree the instrument of their conversion. In the autumn of 1846, the writer of this me- moir, having recently been installed pastor of the church in Mount Carmel, called to converse with Abbie in respect to her uniting with the church. Elizabeth was then at home. During the con- versation, Mrs. D., who was present, made some remark expressive of her anxiety for the latter. The pastor immediately addressed an appeal to her, founded on the important step about to be taken by her sister. Elizabeth manifested an interest in the subject, but said little. On the 16 THE SISTEES. next Monday evening, a meeting was appointed at the house of the pastor for those who might desire religious conversation ; and at the sugges- tion of her mother, Elizabeth attended, in com- pany with herself and Abbie. The subject of her personal salvation was again pressed upon her attention, and she was urged to an immediate self-dedication to God. She appeared to be very serious; frankly acknowledging that she desired to be a Christian, and ought to be one without delay; and saying also that she had once enter- tained a hope of her piety, but had for some time past relinquished it. At length she pledged her word that she would that night give herself to Christ anew. On her return home she retired to her room, and, with characteristic promptness and decision, took her pen and wrote out her solemn purpose to be the Lord's. "Resolved, That from this time forth, with di- vine assistance, I will renounce the pleasures of the world, and seek to glorify God. Oct. 19, 1846. E. H. DICKERMAN." She knelt with this resolution before her, and there solemnly and deliberately adopted it as the one great purpose of her future life ; giving up herself to God, and beseeching pardon and ac- ceptance through the blood of the Redeemer. ELIZABETH'S RESOLVE. 17 When, after some time, she came from her room and entered the family circle, she wore a smile on her countenance, and a look of such calm, yet earnest purpose, as left no doubt in that happy group that the great decision had been made. The experience of the sisters in this important crisis of their lives was characteristically differ- ent. Elizabeth was not so long weighed down with the burden of conviction, as Abbie; indeed, it was the prompt, unquestioning response of her heart to the intellectual perception of duty, which distinguished her here, as ever after. Abbie dwelt more in her emotions, and was very much subject to their control; Elizabeth, though not destitute of deep and earnest feelings, was accustomed rather to hold them in check, and subordinate them, as well as everything else, to the guidance of her understanding. In the for- mer, the subjective life was the most prominent; in the latter, the objective. With Abbie it was a leading inquiry how she felt, with Elizabeth, what she was doing; yet the feeling of the one had its outgrowth in a very earnest self-denying life ; and the activity of the other, its reflection in a deep conscientiousness, and an ardent devo- tion to the cause of her Saviour. It may be thought that a formal act of dedica- tion to God in writing, like this of Elizabeth, 2 18 THE SISTERS. unpreceded by a period of pungent conviction, was premature, and tended to the creation of false hopes. In some cases, perhaps, it might be so. The precise -instructions that should be given to individuals in such circumstances ought, doubtless, to be varied according to the peculi- arities of each case. Yet we have known not a few instances in which resolutions so formed have been attended with the happiest results. The soul thus solemnly given to the Lord, enters the school of Christ ; where, under the teachings of his Spirit, it gains instruction both in respect to its own depravity, and the necessity and suf- ficiency of the atonement, which no amount of technical conviction could afford. If not itself properly conversion, it speedily eventuates in it ; as the fixed resolve of the prodigal was the first step in that return which brought him, at length, to the home and the embrace of his rejoicing father. Abbie was received to the church, by profes- sion, on the first Sabbath of November, 1846; and Elizabeth, in the January following. ATTENDANCE AT SCHOOL. 19 CHAPTER III. Attendance at school Thirst for knowledge Abbie's journal Letters Solicitude for the conversion of her schoolmates. A LEADING characteristic of these sisters was a thirst for knowledge. For the objects most usually attractive to girls of a similar age dress, company and amusements they had very little taste. Especially after their conversion, they sought with increased ardor the advantages of an education, as a qualification for usefulness. In the fall of 1847, Elizabeth entered as a pupil in the " Seward Institute," in Florida, Orange County, New York, w^here she graduated the ensuing year, receiving the first premium for scholarship in the senior department, from the Hon. William H. Seward, the President and pa- tron of the institution. After her graduation, Abbie entered the same school and remained through the ensuing winter. And though unable to return and complete the course, as she ardent- ly desired, she still prosecuted her studies at home, and while herself engaged in teaching, 20 THE SISTERS. with great assiduity, till her failing health com- pelled her to desist. Of Elizabeth's religious history during these two years of study , there is but slight record. . She was too intensely occupied to write very frequently to her friends, and her allusions to the subject in her correspondence were still less fre- quent. The acquisition of knowledge was then her all-engrossing pursuit ; and it is probable that the standard of her piety was less elevated than it subsequently became. Of Abbie, fortunately, we have more knowl- edge. Early in 1848, she commenced a private journal of her religious experience, which she continued with slight interruptions till a short time before her death. In this, and the letters written to her friends, we have ample materials for tracing her religious life, and observing how rapidly she was trained, under the teachings of the Divine Spirit, to that maturity of piety which made her early ripe for heaven. There is, in many minds, a strong prejudice against these, so called, private journals of re- ligious experience; a prejudice which is often, doubtless, well founded. The difficulty of keep- ing them true to fact, of making them an honest, unexaggerated transcript of the real life, is so great, under the natural tendencies to self-decep- ABBIE'S JOURNAL. 21 tion ; that little reliance, ordinarily, can be placed on them as exhibiting the actual character. Yet, notwithstanding all this, it can not be questioned that such a journal may be so conducted as em- inently to aid the work of self-cultivation. It very evidently was so in the present case. That Abbie had kept such a record of her spiritual life, was never suspected by her most intimate friends till a little before her death. It had been her purpose to destroy it ; but upon the earnest request of the family, and being assured it would be a great gratification to them after her depart- ure, she reluctantly consented to its preservation. None who intimately knew her will doubt that it is a simple, unvarnished record of her actual feelings and experience. The first entry made in it is marked by great simplicity, conscientiousness and solemnity. "HAMDEN, Sunday, March 14, 1848. I have felt that it may, perhaps, aid my ad- vancement in the spiritual course, to keep a journal, or diary. With this in view I now com- mence one, feeling as I do, that I ought not to neglect anything which may have a tendency to promote my growth in grace, and fit me for that eternal world to which I am rapidly hastening." 22 THE SISTERS. Other extracts will show her prevalent habit of thought and feeling at this time. Monday Evening, March 15. Last night I re- tired burdened on account of sin, especially my ingratitude and coldness in the service of my dear Redeemer. I passed a very restless night ; for my mind was constantly occupied with thoughts of my situation, and of those around me, and of how little I am doing in the service of Christ. This morning I had a season of sweet communion with God; but I have to lament that I have been very cold in religious duties during the day, and it has been with difficulty that I could devote my thoughts to heavenly things. This evening I have attended a female prayer- meeting, and felt that it was good to be there. I mourn over my coldness, and it grieves me that I can not love God more ; but this heart of mine is so sinful that it will love only as it is renewed by grace. 16th. This morning I had unusual enjoyment in my religious duties, and I thought I should go through the day trusting in God, and striving to glorify him ; but alas, I have not honored him, either by my w&lk or conversation, but when lit- tle things occurred I have been irritated and vexed. I felt that this was wrong, and it must DESIRE TO BE USEFUL. 23 be that I have not looked to God for assistance, for if I had, he would have provided for me a way of escape. This evening attended singing school, and while there, felt emotions of pride. Oh when shall I be meek and lowly in heart 1 Sunday evening, 21st. I have to-day attended church, and heard a sermon preached from Dan- iel xii. 3. " They that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament; and they that turn many to righteousness, as the stars for ever and ever." While hearing of the glory that awaits him who saves a soul from death, it seemed as if the Sun of righteousness shone in upon my heart, and I felt new aspirations after holiness. I re- solved to devote myself to the work of doing good, more than I have done. If it should be the will of God that I should leave my beloved parents, my brothers and sisters, and all that is dear to me in this world, and go to some foreign country that I might lead souls to Christ, I feel that I ought cheerfully to obey. Life is short, and what is done must be done quickly. If I know my own heart, I do want to labor in the vineyard of my Lord. I feel that it is folly to spend my time in pursuit of the honors, wealth, or pleasures of this world. There is no true happiness in them ; it is found only in Christ. How delightful the thought, that, if faithful in 24 THE SISTERS. duty, we may, with God's blessing, be instru- mental in adding some to that j innumerable com- pany who shall surround the throne of God and sing praises to him for ever. This is the first intimation left on record of what became a very strongly marked desire of Abbie, that she might ultimately be permitted to serve her Saviour as a missionary to the heathen. Frequent allusion is made to it in her journal, and in her letters to one or two of her most confidential friends. It was this which seemed chiefly to actuate her in her efforts at mental cultivation ; nor was the hope of attain- ing this privilege relinquished until almost the last moment of her life. March 28th. My health has been such, for a few days past, as to oblige me to remain below by the fire, in consequence of which I have been deprived of the opportunity of spending much time alone in my room. I now gladly hasten to have a little season of communion with God and my own heart. I have been thinking of the mil- lions who have never heard of a crucified Saviour, and feel that I ought to be willing to give up all to send them that which will make them wise unto salvation. 30th. I fear that I am growing cold, and RENEWED CONSECRATION. 25 going back from duty and from God ; for I do not have those earnest desires for the salvation of souls and the prosperity of Christ's kingdom which I had some time since ; neither do I feel so much of the love of Christ in my own soul as I have been wont to experience. I find myself inclined to give way to passion, and have sadly indulged in fretfulness towards F., also in trifling conversation. I know and feel that it is wrong to live so. Shall I ever have grace to overcome ? 31st. I have attended a conference of the churches held here this afternoon, and feel that it has been a blessed season to my soul. There were present brethren from the neighboring churches, and their hearts appeared to be full of the love of Christ. When I understood their feelings in behalf of sinners, and heard what God is doing in other places, and what efforts his children are making to promote his glory, it seemed as if I had done nothing but to injure his cause. I resolved, when at church, to con- secrate myself to him anew. And I do now, on my knees, before God and angels, give myself wholly to him ; and am resolved, by the assistance of my heavenly Father, to labor and pray more earnestly for the salvation of souls than I have ever yet done. April 1. This morning I felt that God was 26 THE SISTERS. with me. I have not spoken to any impenitent person to-day, but I am determined to have a talk with before he leaves home. I have been putting it off because it seemed that I could not do it, but I feel that it is my duty, and so am resolved to improve the earliest opportunity I have. Evening. When came up to his room, I went in, and found him reading his Testament. I told him for what purpose I had come, and asked him to state his feelings to me, that I might know how to pray for him. He replied that he was indulging a hope, but did not seem inclined to say more. I said a few words and left him, for I felt that I could do no more. Per- haps I did wrong. I can only pray. 13th. I have heard to-day of the death of the young lady who roomed with me in Meriden. She was on Friday, to all appearance, as well as any one, and on Sunday she was laid in the cold and silent grave. While I was with her I wanted to speak to her of the concerns of her soul ; but I shrunk from the duty, and if she has gone into eternity unprepared I fear her blood will rest upon me. I hope I shall be admon- ished by this, to live every day as if it were my last, and neglect no opportunity to speak to my LETTER TO AN IMPENITENT FEIEND. 27 fellow travelers upon that subject which con- cerns us all. 14th. Nothing but the grace of God can be sufficient for me, and without this I am lost for ever. Oh, what a thought, lost forever ! 16th. Sabbath. Since the services of the day I have given myself to retirement, reading and prayer, and I find that such are refreshing seasons to my soul. It is my prayer that I may so love the cause of Christ and the salvation of souls as to be willing to forsake all for him, and be as faithful in his service as it is possible for me to be. 17th. To-day I have been very busily engaged in my worldly duties, so that I have had but lit- tle time for retirement and meditation. I have however succeeded in finishing the letter which I commenced last evening, addressed to one of my impenitent friends. I feel very anxious for her spiritual welfare, and have long been think- ing of writing to her. The following are extracts from this letter: MY DEAR FRIEND: It has often been in my heart to write to you, and as often been delayed, but I am resolved to neglect my pen no longer. In no way can I spend the evening of this day more pleasantly than in conversing with one with 28 THE SISTERS. whom I have passed so many hours hours now gone forever. Allow me to express to you the deep interest I feel in your spiritual and eternal welfare. How has my heart reproved me for neglecting to speak to you of the love of the Saviour when we were together. I have had bitter reflections that so much of my time was spent in trifling conversation, when I knew not but our next meeting would be before the bar of God. I hope I have sought the forgiveness of God, and will not you forgive me? I take it for granted that at some future time you intend to prepare for death. But it is presumption to delay, for the present is the only time that we can call our own. " Now is the accepted time, now is the day of salvation." Oh that I could find words to express my earnest desire that you should now, in youth, be brought into the fold of our blessed Saviour! My dear friend, I ask you to give this subject your calm and faithful consideration. Allow yourself no rest until you have made your peace with God. If you feel any desires for holiness, any conviction of sin, you may be sure that it is the Holy Spirit striving with you; and I beg of you not to grieve him away, for he may never be sent again. Satan will, doubtless, suggest many things to hinder you from attending to this all- LETTER TO AN IMPENITENT FRIEND. 29 important subject at once, but do not listen to him, though he may point to the scenes of gaiety and mirth, for there is none of that true enjoy- ment in these which is to be found in the service of God. Perhaps you think religion would make you gloomy, but I assure you from my own ex- perience, (if that is worth anything,) of the con- trary. Nothing is so well able to make us happy as the religion of Christ. This alone can support us in life and in death. If I could say anything to induce you to become a Christian, I would gladly say it. Do write very soon, and tell me what are your feelings; write freely, for you know I am your friend. Most sincerely and affectionately yours, ABBIE. 30th. This morning I awoke with my mind taken up with worldly things, and I felt a deep sense of gratitude to him who made and pre- serves us, and who cares for all our wants. We lay down and slept in peace, we awoke this morning refreshed, to praise God. We have been permitted to attend upon the preached word. May it make a salutary impression on my heart, and may I from this time strive to live nearer to God. I have, to-night, commenced 30 THE SISTERS. reading the Bible by course, attended with med- itation ; and with God's help I design to read and study a portion daily, upon which my thoughts may rest during the day. May 15. I was very impatient this morning; the cause, I suspect, was the numerous cares which pressed upon me ; but I know I ought not to indulge myself in such feelings. My dear sister has again left us, (to return to school,) and I have to mourn that, while I have conversed with her on almost every other subject, I have neglected to speak of the love of the Saviour, and the state of my own heart. I know not how much good it might have done us to communi- cate our feelings, our joys and sorrows. How could I neglect it, when of all subjects this is the most important? The allusion to her "worldly cares" is very frequent in Abbie's journal during the summer,* and they were uncommonly numerous and press- ing. It had been intended that she should ac- company Elizabeth, this spring, on her return to school, at Florida; but the condition of the fam- ily at home made it necessary to retain there one of the two. In April, her mother had been at- tacked with inflammatory rheumatism, and was for many months wholly laid aside from her ordi- HOUSEHOLD CARES. 31 nary duties. It was, therefore, at Abbie's earnest request, that she was permitted to remain, both to attend upon her mother, and have the super- intendence of the household. It needs only to be remembered that there were then five children, besides herself, at home, the youngest son but two years old; and that the ordinary work of such a family, beside the management of a dairy and the duties of nurse in her mother's sick room, all devolved upon her, assisted only by one servant, to appreciate the amount of her cares, or cease to wonder that she felt them an incum- brance to her religious course. Yet these duties were most cheerfully and faithfully done ; and it is the testimony of all the family, that for its or- der, thoroughness, and success, the business of the household never went on better than during the administration of this slender girl of seventeen. At the same time, her journal shows that she maintained unbroken her habits of private devo- tion, the daily hour of retirement, of reading and prayer; evincing that, though so young, she had learned that rare lesson of subordinating the most pressing worldly care to the cultivation of her heart, and an intimate walk with God. The remembrance of these circumstances will im- part additional interest to the extracts from her journal at this period. 32 THE SISTERS. May 25th. I am getting into the habit of rising later than usual, and I find that it makes every- thing go wrong through the day. First, I can not have that time for communing with God which I need, in order to grow in grace; and then it makes everything press upon me through the day, so that it keeps me in a continual hurry. But I intend this shall be so no longer. I have read some, and thought much, of a missionary life to-day, and if it is the will of God I hope to spend and be spent in his service; and it is my earnest desire that in my efforts to do good I may be actuated only by pure and holy motives, to glorify my Redeemer in all that I do. Aug. 20. Arose this morning before any other members of the family, and had a good season for meditation and prayer. I endeavored to cast all my burdens upon the Lord, and to begin the day with him. I was troubled with worldly thoughts, but hope it was not in vain that I enjoyed the privilege of meeting with the people of God. I trust that some of the truths that were spoken have sunk deep into my heart, to be pondered the coming week. To-night have had a good season of meditation. Sept. 1. Attended this afternoon the lecture preparatory to the Lord's Supper. The text was Isaiah xi. 11. "He shall feed his flock like a SPIRITUAL JOY. 33 shepherd, he shall gather the lambs in his arms and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young." I found it I trust a very profitable season to me. I needed to consider Christ more as a shepherd, who is ever watching over his sheep with the greatest tenderness. Since I came home, I have had a very precious season. I sat down, and for more than an hour, I tried to apply my mind to the study of the Scriptures, and found the exercise very profitable. Have had unusual delight in prayer, for Christ seemed near to me, and I hope I have given myself anew to him. Sept. 16. To ELIZABETH: Sabbath evening, dear sister, finds me again seated to write you. I hardly know what to say, for my heart is full. I hope this Sabbath is one in which you have been led " in green pastures and beside still waters." How sweet the thought that we have the same throne of grace to which we may go and make known all our wants ; that we have the same Father in Heaven, and, as we hope, are treading the same path to that world where we shall part no more. Oh, my dearest sister, if we are so happy as to reach the New Jerusalem, shall we not feel that we are a hun- dred times repaid for all the exertions we have 34 THE SISTERS. here made in the service of Christ ! Then let us be diligent, ever striving to do the will of our Father. I hope I can go to Florida, this fall ; but as I have been disappointed once, I do not feel sure of it. I am, as ever, your affectionate ABBIE. 24th. I commenced this day in a cold and lifeless frame. Attended church and heard a sermon from these words, " Enter ye in at the strait gate," &c. Came home fearing that I had no part nor lot with the children of God ; and on examining my heart, I find there nothing but sin. Yet I do hope that I have had, at least, some feeble desires awakened for a revival in my own heart, and in the whole community. May it be my constant inquiry : " Lord, what wilt thou have me to do ? " I have resolved to make C , S , and J , objects of special prayer. I hope I can say, from the depths of my soul, Jesus, I give my all to thee. Sabbath, Oct. 1. I trust that I have found this a good season to my soul. I feel that Christ has been near to me. If I know my own heart, I do desire to have more enlarged views of him and of heaven ; to drink more freely of the wells RESOLUTIONS. 35 of salvation, and to take up my cross daily and follow Christ. I think it might be beneficial for me to adopt some plan, or resolutions which shall be borne in mind, to incite me to greater diligence in the service of God. I feel that this is a solemn act, and that there may be much depending upon it. I do not desire to advance one step without the guidance of my Father in Heaven. I do, then, humbly ask for the guidance and direction of his Spirit at this time, and may he guide me in all that I now write. Resolved, 1. In all that I do, to seek God's glory. 2. To devote myself with renewed diligence to his service, and to allow no opportunity of doing good to pass unimproved. 3. To keep the great end of life ever in view, and to be daily preparing for my great and last change. 4. To put self entirely down, and to exalt God alone upon the throne of my heart. 5. To strive to recommend religion to others by my meek and quiet deportment ; ever mani- festing to them that, above all things else, I desire their spiritual welfare. 6. Whenever about to pursue any doubtful course of action to inquire whether it is the 36 THE SISTERS. will of God. If so, I must go straight on in the performance of it ; if not, I must calmly and decidedly refuse. 7. I must make God's word my daily study and rule of life. 8. Always to give one-tenth part of all I have for the cause of missions. Oct. 4. This morning I said some things which were very improper for one who professes to serve Christ ; but I hope I have found forgive- ness with God. I have been down to Mr. W.'s, and how I did long to converse with dear Mrs. W. upon religious themes ; but we had no oppor- tunity. Always when I talk with her on this subject, I feel new life, as it were, and new encouragement to go on my way. 15th. I trust it has not been in vain that I have spent this Sabbath upon earth. This morning, had much enjoyment in the house of God. Christians were invited to come with con- fidence, and embrace God as a father, to look up to him in filial love, calling him " Abba, Father." I have not looked upon God as my Father, though I have known that he is the father of all true Christians. I have a hope indeed, but it has not been that hope which sheds constant peace in the soul ; for I am con- tinually fearful lest I shall be deceived. It is PREPARATION FOR SCHOOL. 37 my earnest prayer that I may be delivered from these gloomy doubts and harassing fears. I have to-day had many sweets thoughts of God and heaven ; and, on the whole, I do believe that my views of Christ are becoming more enlarged, and that I see more of the beauty of the way of salvation by him. Though her intention to go to Florida with Elizabeth had been deferred, at her own request, that she might assist the family at home during her mother's illness, yet the sacrifice was a great disappointment, and cost her a severe effort. Her desires, however, were now about to be gratified. Her sister came home in Octo- ber, and it was decided that Abbie should imme- diately return in her place. We find her in her closet on the evening preceding her departure, thoughtfully anticipating the trials which might await her, and, by prayer and earnest resolve, gathering strength to meet them. Nov. 5. If nothing occurs to prevent, I expect to leave home to-morrow, to attend school. I shall probably be surrounded by those who cast off fear and restrain prayer, and it will be my duty to take a decided stand, and go straight forward in my course. By God's grace, and with divine assistance, I am resolved to do 38 THE SISTERS. A good; and I hope that I shall be enabled to improve every opportunity of usefulness which may present itself. The person here referred to is the young lady to whom Abbie wrote so tenderly, under date of April 17, who now accompanied her to the same school, and was her room-mate there. How well this resolution " to do her good " was carried out, will presently appear. To MRS. W. : I want to tell you what a delightful time we had going up the Hudson. Perhaps you remem- ber what a lovely morning it was. It was rather cold, but, notwithstanding this, I went upon deck, and gazed upon the beautiful scenery through which we were passing. What do you imagine were my thoughts as I sat looking over the boat into the water? I thought how glad I should be, if only prepared for it, if I were on board some ship which should bear me to a heathen land, where I might point dying souls to the Lamb of God. I don't know but I do wrong in speaking of such things, but I always say to you just as I feel. I find it no easier to be a Christian here than at home. I have no closet to which I can go at stated times, but am always liable to be inter- EFFORTS FOR SCHOOL-MATES. 39 rupted. I feel that I lose much on this account, for, though prayer is simply the desire of the heart, and will be acceptable if only breathed in thought, yet I find it extremely difficult to main- tain thus that frame of mind which I desire. My room-mate has had many serious impres- sions since she came here. She sometimes thinks she will yield her heart to God, but still clings to the world. Will you not pray for her ; also for me, that I may discharge my duty to her faithfully? Your sincere friend, ABBIE. Sunday, Dec. 3. My first thoughts this morn- ing were about Christ and heaven. I lay in bed for some time, watching the clear sky, and thinking of holy things. In the morning, at- tended bible class, and then church. To-night Mr. M. has urged sinners, with great earnest- ness, to come to Jesus. Since we came home, H. has been up to my room, and asked me to talk with her about good things, and to pray with her. I have endeavored to point her to the Lamb of God. Have also being trying to urge A to give her heart to the Saviour to-night. Oh ! it seems strange to me how she can longer wait. My heart yearns towards her, 40 THE SISTERS. and I hope, in Christ's strength, to be faithful to her. To S. B., (a former pupil.) . . . . But, before I close, I must say one word more. Let me ask you to give your heart to the Saviour, and love him, that you may be for ever happy. He delights to have little chil- dren come to him; will you not give him all your affection ? I have no time to write more, so good-bye. Your sincere friend, ABBIE. Dec. 31. I have been taking a review of my life the past year, and, alas ! I can not think of one soul whom I have been instrumental in bringing to Christ. I feel that I have made lit- tle progress in holiness myself, yet I do believe that I have some new views of God and Christ ; and that it is my purpose to serve him more faithfully in the future. Christ strengthening me, I am resolved to labor more for souls who are without an interest in him. I hope that I shall be enabled not to let one day pass without putting forth some effort to do good. I am con- scious that such a resolution will be attended with much self-denial, but I ought to take up CONVERSION OF A . 41 my cross, and bear it patiently, for the sake of him who has endured so much for me. Directly after dinner, on Sabbath afternoon, I design to pray for my impenitent friends at home. It is my earnest desire to live nearer to God than I have ever done. I know I shall fail without his assistance, but he has promised to give the Holy Spirit to all who ask him, so that there is nothing but my own sinful heart to separate between me and my God. To MRS. W. : Feb. 10, 1849. I must tell you one piece of good news. A , my room-mate, thinks that she has given her heart to God, and is now happy in his love. I hope that my feeble prayers have been answered in her behalf, and would give God all the praise. I trust it will be an encour- agement to me to continue to pray for others of my friends, who are still out of the ark of safety. We have no church here Sabbath afternoon. I have, therefore, chosen this time to remember, before God, my friends at home, especially my impenitent associates. I sometimes feel almost discouraged, but when I think of the promises of God, I feel that in him is my strength. Still, I suffer from that same depression which, you 42 THE SISTERS. know, I have always had more or less of. My greatest trouble is wandering thoughts. I never had so much annoyance from this source as since I left home ; and it causes me no little anxiety ; for it appears to me that, if my treasures were in heaven, my thoughts would be there also. However, I feel that my views of Christ are clearer, and I hope I find him more precious than I used to. Do write to me soon, for it is almost the greatest luxury I have to get a letter from a dear friend. Yours, affectionately, ABBIE. The pleasing intelligence above mentioned proved to be not only " good news," but true. The following letter from the person referred to, written after Abbie's death, not only con- firms this particular statement, but gives ample testimony to the zeal and fidelity with which this young disciple of Christ performed whatso- ever her hand found to do. Letter from A to Mrs. Dickerman : April 1st, 1857. DEAR MRS. D. : Your letter was received LETTER FROM A . 43 last evening. With much pleasure I answer, . giving such information as I can of her who was one of my dearest friends. I have often thought of the hours we passed together, especially the winter when we were at Florida. Abbie was truly a devoted Christian, ever trying to do good. I remember one circumstance particu- larly. There was quite an interest felt on the subject of religion among some of the members of the Bible class. One of the younger girls, who was deeply concerned for her spiritual wel- fare, came to our room, and Abbie besought her to forsake her sins, and flee to Christ. She talked with her long and earnestly, and several times engaged in prayer with her, but it was hard for her to renounce her sins. Often did we converse together on the sub- ject of religion, and many times did she pray with me. I think that not a day passed but morning and evening found her by herself, in some quiet corner, reading her Bible, and hold- ing sweet communion with God. It was while with her that I resolved to be a Christian. I had been deeply interested in the subject for a year or two, and she was aware of it, and wrote me a letter, but I could not, and did not, at that time, come out decided, though I felt differently ever after. 44 THE SISTERS. Often did she express her determination to become a missionary, should her life be spared. I would say, "Abbie, why do you study so hard, when I know you are not able ? " Her reply was ever the same : " To acquire knowledge suf- ficient to teach the heathen." This seemed to be all her aim. Could I see you, I could tell you many things which would be interesting, respecting that winter, which I have no time to write. I hope you will go on with your design. It would be a precious memorial to me. Affectionately, your friend, A. G. H . TEACHING. 4j CHAPTER IV. Teaching Commencement of school in Mt. Carmel Labors for the conversion of pupils School exhibition " The flower fadeth " Missionary aspirations. IN the spring of 1849 the two sisters engaged in teaching. Elizabeth, at the request of several families in Mt. Carmel, opened a small select school for girls, in a private house near her father's residence. So great was the interest awakened in this school during the summer, and such the talent for instruction developed by her, that it was resolved by her patrons to erect for her a suitable edifice, and establish a school of a superior grade for the education of their chil- dren. The enterprise was undertaken in the fall, and the building so far completed as to be occupied late in the winter. Abbie, having returned from Florida in April, was employed to take charge of one of the com- mon schools in N. B . The position was a difficult one, the pupils having been under little previous restraint, and herself with but a 46 THE SISTERS. very limited experience in duties of this sort. An amusing letter to her mother will show some of the trials she encountered here ; and disclose, also, certain features of her own character, which, from her ordinary gentleness and re- serve, might be little suspected by persons not intimately acquainted with her. July 31, 1849. . . . . I have had difficulty in the school but once since I returned. Would you like to know what it was ? Three of the boys ran away from school one morning, and staid all the forenoon. I had told them that if they did I should punish them ; so, in the afternoon, I was obliged to fulfill my promise. One of them said he would hollo to some large boys that were near the school house if I did, and would call his father, <fec. I applied the rod, and he did " hollo/ 7 but I continued til] he ceased. I then took the second, and finally the third ; and, just then, looked up, and saw four or five people standing at the window. One fat woman held up her hands, and cried, "You had better not kill the children." Another thought I ought to use " a little reason " in pun- ishing. I quietly informed them that the school was mine, and that I intended to govern it my- TEACHING IN N. B . 47 self. I heard afterwards that the father of one of the boys expressed much satisfaction at what I had done, and said that, if the offense was re- peated, he hoped I would continue the flogging until it would be likely to last. But enough on this subject. You will want to know about my Latin. I have learned about thirty pages since I came. I study every morning, and have read and parsed a little. I parse every word that I read. ABBIE. The entries in her journal during this summer are few. Aug. 14. No one knows how much I feel the need of a place where I can retire, and alone hold converse with God. In my present situa- tion, I have scarcely a moment in my room to myself. In my school room I can commune with my Saviour and Friend, and this I am re- solved to do ; there to take hold of his promises, and not let him go without his blessing. How much grace do I need to enable me to do my duty faithfully ! How responsible is my situa- tion as an instructor of the young ! and how many opportunities have I neglected of impress- ing their minds with divine truth ! Sept. 2. It seems to me that I have never 48 THE SISTERS. lived so far from God, and in such neglect of Christian duty, as I have done this summer. I am filled with shame and confusion when I think of it. I am covered with sin as a garment. Oh that it might be exchanged for the garments of righteousness ! At the expiration of her engagement in N. B she returned home, and joined Elizabeth as an assistant in her school. At this period she made a solemn review of the past, and gave herself anew to the service of Christ. Nov. 3. During the past summer I have been engrossed with the cares of the world, and have suffered my interest in spiritual things to de- cline. But God has been pleased to lead me to consider my ways, and examine my hopes for eternity. For a long time I have had little enjoyment in religion ; and, of late, have been in distress of mind, lest I have never known the love of God. To-morrow will be our communion season ; and, as I have thought of it, I have almost resolved to absent myself from it, fearing that I shall bring dishonor upon my Saviour ; but this ought not so to be. I have just received a little note from dear Mrs. W., full of the prom- ises of God's word, assuring me that his ear is ever open to the cry of those who trust in him. COMMUNION WITH GOD. 49 I feel that God has enabled me to come to him with such trust. If it please him to hide from me the smiles of his countenance, I hope still to be enabled to say, " Not my will but thine be done." Nov. 4. How sweet this Sabbath has been. I had this morning a season of precious com- munion with God. Let me call upon my soul, and all that is within me, to praise him for his infinite mercy in allowing me once more to enjoy the smiles of his countenance. His divine compassion oh how great ! It seems to me I never experienced a more blessed Sabbath than this. I have derived much comfort from the passage : " Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee ; he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved." I trust he has allowed me to come and take shelter under his wing. I tremble when I think of the temptations to which I shall be exposed, but his grace shall be my all-sufficient stay ; in him will I trust. God, put underneath me thine everlasting arm Hold thou me up, and I shall be safe. The new school edifice was so far completed as to permit of being occupied in February. It is a neat building, two stories high, with cupola and bell, standing on an eminence half a mile 4 50 THE SISTERS. south of the church in Mt. Carmel. It was dedicated with appropriate public exercises, and the school immediately after removed thither. About forty pupils were at this time in attendance, of whom a few had come as boarders in the family. To A : Feb. 24, 1850. MY VERY DEAR FRIEND : I presume you will begin to think I have forgotten my promise of writing, but my time has been very much occu- pied through the vacation, which continued till last Monday, when sister re-opened her school. The Seminary and Hall will be dedicated to- morrow evening. Sister has three music schol- ars, and expects more this week ; so you may infer that we have piano-jingling enough out of school hours. Does it seem possible that the winter is so nearly gone ? It almost frightens me to think of it, especially when I see how little I have accomplished ; how few efforts I have made for those around me, and how I have neglected to take up my cross and follow Christ. And now its account will soon be sealed up for the judgment. Oh, what a thought I . . . My dear friend, shall we be content to just LETTER TO A . 51 gain entrance to heaven? Or shall we not rather seek high attainments in holiness ? In view of the privileges of the children of God, how earnest, how persevering ought we to be, that we may not only make such attainments ourselves, but, through Christ, persuade others, also, to go with us in our heavenly course. One week more, and we hope to be permitted to sit down again at the table of our dying, but now risen and ascended Lord. Oh, A , how I wish you would unite with us in this interest- ing duty ! Do you not feel it to be a duty, if you are a child of God, to acknowledge him before men? Christ has said, "Do this in remembrance of me ; " and, if it is a duty of one, why not of all who have tasted that he is gracious ? Do you feel ashamed to show your attachment to him in this ordinance ? He has said, " Whosoever shall be ashamed of me and my words, of him will the Son of man be ashamed, when he shall come in the glory of his Father." You doubtless feel this to be a solemn step. It is so. I would not advise you to enter upon it without prayerful consideration, thorough self-examination, and a constant de- pendence on God for guidance and aid. It is now more than a year since you found peace in Christ ; and if you still love him, and have access 52 THE SISTERS. to his throne of grace ; if you find a loathing of sin, a desire after holiness, and a willingness to do God's will, why should you not show your attachment to him by uniting with the visible church ? If you do this, make an entire conse- cration of soul and body to him, for time and eternity ; and may the grace which maketh rich and addeth no sorrow, abide in your heart. Your friend ABBIE. March 21. I have not yet said anything to the school girls about their souls. As I see them day after day living in sin, I feel that I must do something for them ; but, oh, this diffi- dence ! I feel guilty, for conscience tells me that my duty is not done. Lord, assist me by thy Spirit ! April 1. I awoke this morning with a sense of the great responsibility which rests upon me, and I was fully determined to speak with to-day about her soul. I deferred it to the close of school, but she then seemed in such haste that I feared she would be unwilling to remain. Assist me, God, to discharge every duty. I need more longing desires for the salvation of souls, more earnestness and fervor in prayer, more watchfulness over self, more love for Christ, my Saviour. EFFORTS FOB PUPILS. 53 20. I think I never felt a stronger desire for the salvation of souls than I did about two weeks since. I felt guilty every day that I neglected to warn the impenitent, and entreat them to come to Christ. By God's grace I was enabled to speak with . At first I knew not what to say, but I received strength from above; and when we parted, she thanked me, and said she would go home and try to give herself to Christ. Two or three days after, she told me that she hoped she had done so. My prayer is that the smiles of God may light her pathway, and that she may at last meet him in the skies. I feel that this is of God, and to him be all the glory. During the past week we have followed uncle A - to the grave. May it be a warning to us to be ready, for we know not the hour when the Son of man shall come. Surely C must be affected by it. It seems to me that I would willingly die, if it could only be the means of saving her soul. God, sanctify her father's death to her everlasting good. May 1. I have been down to see M. to-night, and converse with her about her soul. She seemed much affected, and promised me that she would attend to the subject at once. I feel that I must plead as I have never done before, 54 THE SISTERS. for an immortal soul is at stake, which is of more value than the whole universe beside. my God, I can not let thee go until thou grant this blessing. Help her to cast herself at thy feet, a poor worm of the dust, resolved that, if she must perish, it shall be at the foot of the cross. I can not rest until her peace is made with thee. 5. This Sabbath has been to me a day of good things. I have been employed in contemplating the infinite condescension of Christ in taking to himself a human nature, coming to this world, and suffering the persecutions of wicked men, being tempted in all points like as we are, yet without sin. I can but wonder, and adore the wisdom and goodness of God, in thus providing for our souls. He is adequate to supply all our wants and desires. I know that my sins are many, and of an aggravated character ; they have risen over my head like great mountains ; but the mercy of God, through Jesus Christ, is infinitely higher. The time has arrived for the reorganization of our Sabbath school, and I am looking forward to this as a delightful field of employment. If I am permitted to have charge of a class, it is, and shall be, my prayer that their souls may be saved. I hope to visit some families this week, who are in the habit of absenting themselves EFFORTS FOR PUPILS. 55 from the house of God, and invite them to send their children to the Sabbath school To-day I have been permitted, with God's peo- ple, to commemorate the dying love of Christ, and I feel it to be a great privilege to partake of this precious ordinance. May it be the means of strengthening my Christian graces, and of unit- ing me to Christ, " as the branch is united to the vine. 77 I think I can say from the heart, " Jesus, I give my all to thee," to be thine for time and eternity. June 16. Have again met my Sabbath school class ; and, oh ! have I been faithful to them ? How it would rejoice my heart if my humble efforts might be blessed to the salvation of one soul ! 19. To-day I have spoken to Miss S. about her soul, and urged her to immediate repent- ance. She seemed deeply affected, and prom- ised that she would try and give herself to-day to her long-slighted Saviour. It is several weeks since her attention was first called to this subject. She feels that God has done everything for her ; and nothing but her own sinful heart keeps her from yielding herself to him. She thinks she is willing to do this, but does not yet see Jesus as her Saviour. 20. The first thought that fills my mind this 56 THE SISTERS. morning is, What are Miss S ? s hopes for eternity? Has the decision been made? I will go and lay her case before the Lord, for with him all things are possible. Evening. Have seen Miss S to-day. She says she has tried to make her peace with God, and is determined that, if she perishes, it shall be in pleading for mercy. She does not know whether her sins are forgiven, but I can not but believe she will yet find peace. I can and will plead with God in her behalf, feeling assured that he will not send mo empty away. God, how can I let thee go till thou grant this desire of my heart ! I will leave all in thy hands, cer- tain that thou wilt do whatsoever thou seest to be best. To MRS. B.: June 25, 1850. MY DEAR MRS. B. : I trust you will pardon my seeming neglect, when I assure you it has not been intentional. I have thought much of you, and often longed to see you. The kindness shown me while with you greatly endeared you to my heart. I look back upon the summer when I was with you as the happiest I ever spent ; and I know of no place it would afford me so much pleasure to visit as W. My mind LETTER TO MRS. B. 57 often reverts to the pleasant hours I enjoyed when engaged in the instruction of those dear children. Oh that I could embrace them in my arms, and entreat them to consecrate the best part of their lives to the service of God ! Have any of them found the Saviour precious, or are they all living in sin, regardless of the welfare of their never-dying souls ? I say living, but perhaps some of them, ere this, have slept the sleep of death ; for we know not the changes which three short years will make in a little circle of friends. I am now engaged in teaching, in connection with my sister. The people of Hamden have erected a seminary about half a mile below our house, of which she takes charge. The primary department is under my care, besides which I have several studies, and recite Latin also to Mr. Warren. Give my love to all the dear children whom I formerly called my pupils, and beg them from me to love the Saviour, that we may all meet, an unbroken band, around the throne of God. ABBIE. 30th. To-day I endeavored to bring my dear Sabbath School class, and present them to my Father, feeling assured that he will not send us 58 THE SISTERS. away empty. I can not endure the thought that one of them should finally perish. Lord, help me to be more faithful. Last week I saw Miss S ? and can but hope she has passed from death to life, though she is afraid to entertain a hope for herself. The feelings she has, it seems to me, must have been planted by a heavenly hand ; and, though she is at times filled with doubts and fears, I trust that the Lord will at length grant her peace and joy in believing. July 22. This is my nineteenth birth-day. Can it be that I have lived nineteen years in the world, and accomplished so little? I can think of very few souls whom I have been, in any mariner, instrumental in bringing to Christ. But I have abundant reason to praise and mag- nify God's unspeakable love and mercy in per- mitting me to do good to one soul. Who can realize the worth of the soul, which shall live on and on, when millions and millions of years have passed away ? Oh ! I will not be discouraged if I have been enabled to help one towards heaven. I feel that I have not lived wholly in vain, but for this God shall have all the glory. May I be encouraged to be more faithful in the perform- ance of every Christian duty, and to pray more earnestly for the salvation of those who are per- ishing in sin. SCHOOL EXHIBITION. 59 During the last year I have lived too far away from God ; and, unless he grant me his Spirit, I shall again wander from him, for nothing short of his grace can preserve me from yielding to temptation and sin ; but this is all-sufficient. God, grant it for thy Son's sake. And may the coming year, should my life be spared, be filled up with usefulness. The summer term of the seminary closed July 25, and was attended with an " exhibition" and picnic festival in an adjacent grove. It was a joyous time with the little school. The chil- dren, dressed in white and wreathed in flowers, passed in procession from the school-room, and the soft air of a fine summer day resounded with their merry voices and laughter. Alas ! how little was it imagined that a cloud was already gathering over that happy group, and that one of the happiest of all would soon be numbered among them no more. On that very day an epidemic dysentery broke out in the village, which continued through the season, and shrouded many a house- hold in mourning. Its first victims were found in the house of the pastor. A little niece visit- ing there was smitten down, a lovely child of seven years, and, shortly after, the pastor's only 60 THE SISTERS. daughter, aged five years and nine months. Though so young, she had attended the school during the preceding year, and was deeply attached to her teachers, by whom also she was equally loved. The subjoined notice of these events, from the pen of a ministerial friend who had been present at the close of school, shortly after appeared in the Independent newspaper. " THE FLOWER FADETH." During my recent journeyings I found myself in that delightful valley which opens between the two rocky bluffs like standing sentinels, north-east and west of the " City of Elms," and which stretches away northward in the blue dis- tance some eight miles to Mount Carmel. Having known this valley in other days, I was not a little interested to observe what changes the exertions of industry and skill had created, to heighten its natural beauties. Among other marks of im- provement, a new and beautiful structure, on a green emi- nence, indicated the present population to be descendants of the Pilgrims, who laid of old the foundations of New Eng- land's pride and glory, in the village school-house by the side of the church edifice. It is the seat of one of those numerous seminaries of learning which your columns so usefully com- mend to the public. The summer term, under the direction of its excellent preceptress, was about to close in a public examination, which I had the pleasure of attending. The school-room, which is ample in size, having the necessary fixtures, was tastefully decorated for the occasion with vases of flowers, the walls were hung with numerous specimens of drawing, and the exercises of the pupils in the several departments, including French and algebra, music on the " THE FLOWER FADETH." 61 piano, and compositions, were highly creditable, proving the course of instruction and training in this seminary to pos- sess rare merit for thoroughness, variety, and correctness. I was delighted to find, in this rural vale of Carmel, a scene so full of bright promise for that growing community. And I will add, that had I daughters whom I wished to place at any retired school in the country, I know of none of whose advantages I would sooner avail myself. At this examination I observed among the younger pupils one sprightly child of about six years of age, whom they called " little Jennie." I watched her, and I thought she must be the joy of her parents, and the favorite of the school. I found she was the only daughter of the clergy- man of the parish, and that she was indeed a lovely flower, in this early promise of unfolding sweetness. Three weeks after, I had occasion again to pass that way, and, alas, I found " little Jennie," how changed ! Rapid disease had done its work upon her beautiful, but frail form. Her prattling voice was hushed her bright eyes, now deeply sunken, were closed in death. She was shrouded in white, with a modest flower withering on her cold bosom, while parents and teachers and school-mates were weeping around. The bud was suddenly crushed ; how many fond hearts were crushed with it ! And yet what strong conso- lation they have in Jesus, who loves little children, and bids them come to him; and who will make all these flowers which have been similarly crushed in the bud, to bloom again in the paradise of his presence and glory. "The flower fadeth" So fade the fondest hopes, the brightest promise for this world ; " but the word of God abideth for ever." The death of this child was a very painful blow to Abbie. Her intercourse with the pas- 62 i THE SISTERS. tor's family had been so intimate and affection- ate, that she seemed almost like one of them; and her entrance was always greeted by the children as that of a sister. Often does she recur to it in her journal, in a manner to show how deeply the affliction had touched her heart. August 25. Last Monday we followed the remains of dear little Jennie to the grave, and saw her beautiful form consigned to the narrow tomb. Can it be that we shall no more behold that sweet child ? I never knew the affection I had for her until she was taken from us. She is in my thoughts when I awake in the morning, through the day, and when I retire at night. Yet, while I mourn our loss I would not recall her to earth, for I trust she is now in heaven. I daily wonder what are her employments in that new home above. When we read of the state of the redeemed there we can not wish them back, to encounter the trials of those who sojourn here. Rather let us bless God for his goodness, and consecrate our all to him for ever more, knowing that " he doeth all things well." So numerous was now the family at home, including several boarding pupils of the school, that it was difficult, even there, to command the MISSIONARY ASPIRATIONS. 63 needful privacy for her hours of devotion. The following entry will be sufficiently explained by this fact ; while it illustrates the fidelity with which she adhered to her closet duties, and how truly prayer was her " vital breath/ 7 To-night have had a season of sweet commu- nion with God, in the garret, and am thankful for even this place of retirement. Often have I there found my Saviour precious to my soul. Frequent allusion has been made to Abbie's strong desire to engage in the missionary work. While, however, she waited the developments of Providence to open to her the way for so doing, she did not make it a mere sentiment, to be indulged at the expense of present useful- ness. It has been seen how earnestly she sought the conversion of her friends and pupils, and how constant were her prayers and her efforts to secure this result. It is extremely interesting to observe, in the ardor of her mis- sionary aspirations, the entire submission which she cultivated, to the divine will; and with what blended meekness and good sense she, at the same time, addressed herself to whatever work she found at hand. Thus she writes : 64 THE SISTERS. This afternoon I have been reading from the memoir of Mrs. H. Winslow, how she loved the souls of the perishing around her, especially of the poor heathen. Often do I almost wish that I were a man, that I might go to them. But this I know is wrong. If God designs me for that work, he will open a door for me. May my great aim be to fill well the duties of the station in which I am placed ; for, if I am unfaithful here, how can I expect to be admitted to sta- tions of greater trust ? Sept. 22. This afternoon our pastor pre- sented the claims of missions; and when I think of the wants of the world, and how little is being done for its subjection to Christ, I want to lay my all upon his altar. I want to be more entirely united to him, and have a more ardent longing for the glory of God and the salvation of souls. How much there is to be done here ! How much need of wrestling, prevailing prayer ! We must have a revival of religion soon, for what multitudes are going down the broad road to ruin ! When I meet my Sabbath School class, I feel that these precious souls must be gath- ered into the garner of the Lord ; but with him alone is the power. I have had a precious sea- son of prayer to-night. Oh ! may the Lord grant me many more such. CHARITABLE COLLECTIONS. 65 Oct. 6. For two or three days past my mind has been very much interested in the subject of missions, and I wish to do all in my power for this cause. During the present week I am hoping to make an effort to collect a trifle to send with the little gift of our sewing society to the destitute. The wants of the world are very great, and how shall they be supplied? Not, surely, by folding our hands, and shutting our ears against the cry, " come over and help us ; " but by active exertion, sacrifice and self- denial. How small are the sacrifices which we have made, in comparison with those which Christ made for us ! This evening, at the monthly concert, a report was given of the amount contributed in this place for the differ- ent benevolent purposes which we aid. It was less than in preceding years, and the remark was made that more might be obtained if col- lectors would visit people at their houses. If I can do any good in this way, I shall rejoice to do it, and will speak to Mr. W. about it as soon as I can. Oct. 11. We have had a meeting of the Consociation here this week, and it has been exceedingly interesting to me. Yesterday after- noon the Sabbath school was addressed by re- turned missionaries, who gave us some account 5 66 THE SISTERS. of their schools, the willingness of the heathen children to learn ; their want of teachers, &c. Oh ! I do so long to go to them myself, to spend my life on missionary ground. It is my prayer that a door may be opened for me to go ; but if God has otherwise determined, may I be ready to say, " Thy will be done ; " and exert every energy of my soul to advance his cause and kingdom where I am. I am not well to-day, and am confined to my bed. As I lie and recount God's dealings with me in past days, I think of my ingratitude, that, through his infinite mercy, my life has been spared; and I do feel determined to labor hence- forth more earnestly for the good of souls. Lord help me, for Jesus 7 sake. These ardent desires were not to be gratified. God, who selects the instruments of his service with profoundest wisdom, had another work for her to do. It Avas to glorify him not only in the performance, but in the reception of his will; to display the triumphs of his grace amid sickness and suffering ; and, above all, to show that most beautiful of all lessons, how a Christian can die ! BEGINNING OF SICKNESS. 67 CHAPTER V. Sickness Thirst for knowledge Darkness Parting from friends Spiritual comfort Resignation. THE illness mentioned in the last extract from Abbie's journal was the commencement of a vio- lent attack of the prevailing epidemic, which confined her to her bed for several weeks. Prom this time, indeed, she never recovered her former health. At times she was able to con- tinue her studies, and to give drawing lessons in the school, but never to resume full employ- ment there ; and at length she was compelled to desist altogether. Her disease developed itself as an affection of the liver, and from this passed on into that fearful scourge of our northern climate, consumption. The record of her spiritual history during this year and a half of decline is full of interest. In the early part of it she was, as usual, in- dulging herself in plans and hopes of enlarged usefulness, chiding herself for her indolence and sinfulness, and repeating almost daily her self- 68 THE SISTERS. consecration to Christ. As her health became more and more precarious, she disciplined her- self in patience, still looking wistfully to the hopes she had formed of the future, yet with them recognizing the growing probability that she was not to realize them ; next, striving to be wholly reconciled to whatever God should appoint for her, and giving herself to be his in life and in death ; and, lastly, waiting in calm and peaceful trust the hour, now evidently approaching, when she would be called to her rest. Little need be said to supply the slight thread of narrative running through this period; and it is preferred to allow the chapter to be filled almost wholly with her own words. Nov. 1, 1850. It is just three weeks to-day since I was prostrated on a bed of sickness, and what I supposed to be a bed of death. God has, however, seen fit to raise me from it, and I am now able to walk about my room. How my gratitude ought to flow out to him for all the mercies and blessings with which he has sur- rounded me ! Christ has been with me in all my sickness ; he has made all my bed, and has been near to comfort and sustain me. I do feel that I can say, " I know in whom I have be- lieved." For some time before my sickness, I THOUGHTS OF HEAVEN. 69 felt that I needed something to bring me back to duty, and God, in infinite wisdom, has be- stowed it. He has laid me aside from the busy cares of the world, that I might have time for reflection ; and I trust that I shall thank him for it for ever. I have had many sweet thoughts of Christ and heaven. Sometimes it seemed as if I could almost hear the music of the heavenly choir, as they sang the praises of the Most High. Oh, how much I thought of our dear Jennie ! I felt so confident that I should meet her in that glorious home, never more to be separated. Never shall I forget the form which I imagined the dear one to wear, as she stood, with her little golden singing-book, praising God. When shall I meet her in our Father's house, and be near and like my Saviour ? Nov. 7. If I know my own heart, I desire to make an entire surrender of every power and faculty of my soul. I would keep back nothing, but bring all yes, all that I have, am, or hope ever to be, and lay it at the feet of Jesus. Here, Lord, I give myself to thee ; take me and do with me whatsoever seemeth good in thy sight. llth. Felt so comfortable this morning that I rode as far as Centerville, and think it did me 70 THE SISTERS. good. How thankful ought I to be for kind friends, who are ready to deny themselves for my comfort. Especially, how can I express my gratitude for Christian parents. God only knows how many times the burden of their prayers has been for my salvation. None, save those who have experienced the same, can conceive how much comfort their prayers have afforded me during my illness. When I w T as so wearied, both in body and mind, that I could not collect my thoughts enough to make one prayer, then would my dear mother kneel at my bedside and commend me to her covenant-keeping God. I shall never forget her prayers, nor those of my dear father. I can never repay them for all their care and kindness from my infancy. God, may they receive their reward from on high, and help to lighten all their cares. And may I devote myself wholly to the service of him to whom they have so often consecrated me. 12th. When I consider my ignorance, and the wants of a world lying in wickedness, I feel that I must improve every moment of my time ; and, if my strength is restored, I hope to do it. I do long for more time for study ; and, if I could live without sleep, I would gladly do it to gain that time. I do thirst for knowledge ; and when I think of the fields of science which lie INTEREST IN PUBLIC WORSHIP. 71 before me, I long to explore them, and make acquisitions there which will last for ever. 26th. There is one question which weighs heavily on my mind, and that is, how shall I obtain a more thorough education ? I feel that I must have it, but how am I to get it ? I know not, but I trust the Lord will provide. I believe God has a work for me to perform in bringing souls to himself, and this has been my conviction ever since I first hoped that my sins were for- given. In order to be prepared for it, I need to have my mind more thoroughly disciplined. May Go4 guide and direct me into all truth, for Christ's sake. Abbie was a very faithful hearer of the word preached in the sanctuary. Ever present when not detained by illness, she gave to it the most marked attention, and received it as addressed to herself. Her journal abounds with references to the discourses which she heard, almost always mentioning the text and the subject, with such an application to her own heart as the topic naturally suggested. The following is an in- stance of this kind. Dec. 15. This afternoon I was permitted to attend church, and hear Mr. W. preach from these words, " It is a fearful thing to fall into 72 THE SISTERS. the hands of the living God." It was truly a solemn discourse, and perfect quiet reigned through the house. Nothing was heard save the voice of our dear pastor, as he warned sin- ners to flee from the wrath to come. It ap- peared to me that God was indeed present by his Spirit, to impress the truth upon all hearts. For one, I felt that I would no longer live with- out more effort for the good of souls. Oh that sinners might be converted, that Christians would awake from sleep, examine their hearts anew, and unite their prayers and efforts to draw down a blessing upon this community ! It is the burden of my supplication, Lord, what wilt thou have me to do ? Have had a season of prayer in which I felt unusual earnestness. The salvation of souls is at stake, and shall I not wrestle until I receive a blessing? It has been remarked that she was not unfre- quently subject to depression of spirits. Some- times, doubtless, this may have arisen from the state of her health, but more commonly it resulted from her very great fidelity in the scrutiny of her own heart. So severe was her analysis of her feelings, and so rigid the tests by which she tried them, that her self-examina- tions very often concluded in bitter things SPIRITUAL DAKKNESS. 73 recorded against herself. The writer well re- members one very marked occasion of this kind lasting many days, of which she wrote as fol- lows : Dec. 29. My mind was so much disturbed in church, this morning, that I thought of staying at home in the afternoon. I can't pray as I want to, nor can I do any thing right. I don't know what to do, but am like a mariner tossed on the tempestuous ocean, without chart or compass. Jan. 5. For a few days past it has seemed to me that I am fast filling up the measure of my iniquities. I very much doubted to-day whether I ought to approach the communion table, but did not dare to stay away. I feel that God has reason to show mercy to me no longer, and I fear that he has forsaken me. I try to pray, but fear that my prayers are not accepted. I find no nearness to the throne of grace ; in short, I fear that I have been altogether deceiving myself in my hope of being a Christian. Under what a load of sin I am groaning ! God, give me not up to hardness of heart, spurn me not away from thy presence. 6th. This morning went down to Mr. W.'s to recite, and longed to state to him or Mrs. W. my feelings, but had not the courage to do so. I can neither study, nor recite, nor do any thing 74 THE SISTERS. else, without the thought of my sins coming in and marring my peace. Oh that I could roll off this burden upon Christ ! llth. This afternoon have attended a prayer meeting at Mrs. W. ? s, but found no enjoyment in it. I was there for half an hour before any other person came in, and had it on my tongue to tell Mrs. W. how I am feeling, but could not. my soul, what will become of thee ? Has God forever withdrawn the light of his counte- nance ? My heart is as hard as the nether mill- stone. What shall I do ? 12th. What will become of me if I remain in this awful state ? God has hidden from me the light of his countenance. My prayers seem to me a form of words upon a thoughtless tongue. 13th. Blessed be thy name, God, for thou hast heard my cry, and, as I humbly hope, hast enabled me to cast myself upon thee. I thank thee, Father, for the wonderful plan of salvation by which sinners may be pardoned, and freed from the righteous condemnation of thy law. This morning I felt that I could live no longer as I have done for a few days past, and deter- mined to disclose my feelings to my dear pastor, hoping that the affectionate advice which I am always sure to receive from him might do me RELIEF. 75 good ; and I was not disappointed. He so helped me to analyze my feelings, and so clearly pointed out the path of duty, urging me so kindly to put my whole trust in Christ, and roll off all my burden of sin upon him, that I gave him my promise to try to do so. He recited, also, many of God's promises to those who rely upon him : and since I came home I have been looking for more of them. The Bible is indeed full of assurances of God's willingness to for- give. I feel that these promises are made to me, and am willing to leave all in the hands of my Saviour. Blessed Jesus, thou art mine, and I am thine. Seal me as thine for ever, and let me never more stray from thee. 17th. How great is the love of Christ! While we were yet sinners he died for us. He came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance. Oh that we could realize some- thing of the length, and breadth, and height, and depth of that love ! There is nothing which will cause self to appear so insignificant as meditating on the boundless, overwhelming love of the Saviour. If I know my own heart, I desire to put self entirely down; to become nothing ; to sink into oblivion, as it were, that he may become all in all to my soul. Dear Saviour, wilt thou reign supreme in my heart? 76 THE SISTERS. I desire to be wholly thine ; to have no will of my own ; to ask for nothing that will not be for thy glory. I am poor and needy, I leave myself helpless at thy feet. Abbie's health seemed to improve during the latter part of the winter, and with it, her ardent desire for a thorough education revived. Feb. 16. I feel that I might be much more useful with a better education, and long to attend school. But I can not apply to my parents for the necessary means, and I see not how I can obtain them. I leave it all with my heavenly Father ; he only knows what is best for me. Dear Saviour, into thy hands I commit my all for time and eternity. 23d. I do long to improve my mind by study more than I can do at home ; and I think so much of it that, some days, almost every thing else is forgotten. I have tried to-day not to think of it, but Mt. Holyoke and the way to reach it, would crowd themselves into my mind. To-night I have endeavored to commit all my way to the Lord, and desire to do his will. If he has otherwise determined, I desire to submit cheerfully, for he doeth all things well. Lord, thou art my Friend, my Counselor and Guide. BREATHING AFTER HOLINESS. 77 Show me what ihou wilt have me to do and to be. March 2. Night before last I had a long talk with I about giving herself to the Saviour. I have wished for a long time to introduce the subject, but have lacked courage, and conse- quently put it off. I trust that the Lord was with me ; and my prayer is that he will enable me to be faithful to her. I am sure that the effort did me good, whether it benefited her or not. 16th. This morning found much enjoyment in reading and prayer. I would not exchange these employments for every thing which the world can give. Heavenly Father, omnipotent and merciful, whose word can animate the silent dust, wilt thou awake my heart to praise thy name ! Give fervor to my devotions, enlighten my understanding, purify my mind. Keep me in the path of duty, the narrow way that lead- eth to eternal life. Teach me to repent and to forsake all sin, to remember that it is opposed to thy holy and righteous law, and is the source of all evil. Almighty Father, erase from my heart all idolatry of a world so transitory and vain as this. Teach me that it is not my home, but that I am journeying to a better country, "whose builder and maker is God." When I 78 THE SISTERS. review my past life, I see continual remissness in duty, and failure in reaching that standard of excellence which my imagination has depicted. That I have wished to perform my duty is my chief consolation. April 3. Have felt very weak to-day, and suffered some pain, yet I have no disposition to complain, but rather say, " Sweet affliction, that brings Jesus to my soul." 4th. Last evening had a long talk with my father. He spoke much of the Christian's hope, the vanity of earthly things, and the importance of preparation for death. If God has work for me to do, I am willing to do it. If he sees fit to afflict and lay me aside from active life, I trust that he will help me to bear it with Chris- tian submission. I have given myself to the Lord to do with me as seemeth good in his sight ; and it is my desire that he will so use me as best to promote his honor and glory. I find light in my Saviour's smiles, and would not give up my hope in Christ for all the wealth of the world. I do feel that he is the chief among ten thousands, and the one altogether lovely. Her eldest brother being about to leave home, in the expectation of establishing himself in business at the West, she addressed to him, just LETTER TO HER BROTHER. 79 before his departure, the following touching note : April, 1851. DEAR BROTHER E : You know not the emotions which fill my breast as the hour is drawing near when we must part, and, perhaps, for ever. For ever, did I say ? Ah no, for have we not the same hope of heaven ? Are we not traveling to the same home ? But I feel that the cords which bind us to one another here may be broken before we again meet. Since I have been sick I have felt that, probably, my work here is well nigh done ; and that ere long I shall be called to put off this mortal, and put on immortality. My heavenly Father only knows. My dear brother, when the thought of part- ing from you comes up in all its reality, and we are conversing upon every worldly subject, I feel that the all-important one should not be forgotten. Let me, therefore, with all the love of a sister, entreat you to be firm and unyield- ing when temptation assails you; keep your eye on heaven ; turn neither to the right hand nor to the left; and let your couse be onward and upward. Let not the w T orld lure you from the path of duty, but ever listen to the monitor within and heed its friendly warnings. Take 80 THE SISTERS. Jesus Christ as your perfect pattern, and follow in his footsteps ; doing good to all as you have opportunity, and remembering that " the night of death cometh when no man can work." dear brother, I want to sit down and have a long talk with you ; but, as I can't do this, I trust you will excuse me for writing these few lines. I feel tired and weak, so that I can't write much, but nothing shall hinder me from daily commending you to my Father in heaven. I design to devote the hour of twilight as a sea- son in which to remember you at the throne of grace. Will you not think of me, at this quiet hour, as I bend the knee before my Father's throne to supplicate the richest of heaven's blessings upon my absent and beloved brother ? Your loving and affectionate sister, Sunday afternoon. ABBIE. To MRS. W. MY DEAR MRS. W.: I have been wishing for two or three days that I could see you, and, as a substitute, I send you these few lines. I regret much that I shall not be able to attend our prayer meeting this afternoon ; for when I do it always does me good. But though I may not meet with you, I shall esteem it a privilege to go alone and ask the blessing of God on that SUBMISSION. 81 little circle. If I know my own heart, I want to labor in the service of Christ ; yet, if he sees best to afflict me .with bodily weakness and pain, I would not complain. Do exhort the ladies to labor and pray as if they knew it was the last opportunity they would ever have to do good. While Christians sleep on, so regardless of the interests of the soul, how can they expect sinners to be con- verted ? Let us be more faithful ; let us wrestle in prayer until we obtain a blessing; until a shower of divine grace descends and causes these dry bones to live. I have just been reading this over, and am doubting whether I had better send it ; but I trust you will pardon the liberty I have taken. Your ever loving and affectionate friend, Saturday morning. ABBIE. May 4. It is now six weeks since I have been able to attend church, or to go out, and during this time I have been constantly afflicted with weakness and pain. I feel no disposition to complain, for I believe that this affliction is for my good. My Saviour deals very gently w^ith me, and in great mercy lays me aside from more active cares, that I may have opportunity to think of him, of my own condition, and of the 6 82 THE SISTERS. responsibilities of life. I have often complained of the want of time and the pressure of worldly cares, as being a great impediment to my growth in grace ; but these are now removed, and I have nothing but my own hard heart to contend with. It is now a little more than three years since I was induced to commence this journal, in order to render the work of self-examination more com- plete. During this time many things, in them- selves often "trifles light as air/' have very frequently prevented me from 'rendering my daily account. Is it that my life is too unprofit- able to deserve record ? If so, how can it bear the scrutiny of him who sees all its errors and imperfections ? If unable to stand the test of my own judgment, how shall it endure to bo judged at the tribunal of a righteous God? How solemn and alarming are these questions. Thou, to whom the thoughts of all hearts are revealed, wilt thou search my heart and my life ? Send down thy light and truth into my understanding. Suffer me not to rely upon the broken reed of my own strength, but lead me by thy wisdom ; uphold me by thy power. I often think that my days here are nearly spent, that a few more days of illness will close my eyes upon all earthly things. Oh, in that solemn moment may the consoling recol- ENJOYMENT OF NATURE. 83 lection of a life of usefulness be mine ; and may the merits of a crucified Saviour secure me a place at his right hand. June 1. As I sit by my window, looking out upon this beautiful world, now clothed in its richest verdure, every thing seems to repeat the same utterances of love and joy. Morning seems to be the time for praise. When, rising from our beds, we open our eyes upon all this beauty, how can our thoughts but rise to the Giver of all. Evening seems to be peculiarly adapted to gentle and peaceful thoughts ; but both morning and evening speak alike of our heavenly Father, who is ever good and kind. How lovely is Nature ! The trees, robed in luxuriant foliage, wave gracefully in the fra- grant breeze, while the sunlight, merrily dancing in shadows beneath, sheds a mellow tint over leaf and flower, or rests in golden beauty on hill and dale, clothed in their living green. The happy songsters of the grove plume their bright wings and soar aloft towards the clear vault of heaven, as if to pour their notes of praise into the ear of their Maker. And shall I alone re- main cold and ungrateful ? Ah no ; I have resolved to come now and consecrate myself in love to him. I want to be wholly the Lord's. I want to have my mind brought into entire 84 THE SISTERS. conformity to his will. I want a heart ever open to the wants arid woes of my fellow crea- tures, and ever ready to sympathize with the distressed. June 3. Have spent the day with my dear Mrs. W., and it seems to me that I never loved her half so well before. Her heart is running over with love and Christian kindness. She has to-day told me some of their thoughts in regard to removing from this place. If they should leave, it seems to me I could not bear up under it. What should I now be but for them ? How kind they have been to me ; how many times have they taken me by the hand and pointed me to the Saviour, in the hour of darkness and temptation. I can never express my thanks ; but they will meet their reward in heaven. Had a precious season of prayer with Mrs. W. Aug. 18. I have for some time discontinued my journal, and have doubted whether I had better resume it, fearing, from some things which I have read respecting private journals, that it might be injurious rather than beneficial. But I feel that this exercise has been useful to me hitherto, and I hope it will continue to be so. To-day I have been recounting God's deal- ings with me for the last ten months, and feel AFFLICTION SANCTIFIED. 85 that he has indeed been merciful. He saw me wandering from the fold of Christ, and has sent affliction to bring me back to duty. He has given me kind friends, ever ready to minister to my wants, and all the privileges and enjoyments of social life. But, among all the blessings which I have experienced, I feel that for none have I more reason to be thankful than for the sickness with which I have been visited. In these seasons I have had the clearest views of earth and heaven, of life and of death ; and have resolved that every energy and faculty of my soul should be devoted to my Redeemer. Sept. 11. Yesterday attended the Sewing Society at Mr. W.'s, who, with his wife, made some remarks relative to leaving us. It was really a very sad day for me. I have tried not to think much about their going, but as the time draws near, I find I can think of little else. I thought of it all last night, and often wonder what I shall do without them in time of trouble and distress. But it is a comforting assurance that though earthly friends forsake, there is a " Friend that sticketh closer than a brother." Perhaps, if I am separated from earthly friends, I shall lean more upon Christ for help. Mr. and Mrs. W. have indeed been like father and mother to me, and I can never repay them for all their 86 THE SISTERS. kindness. I feel that I am more indebted to them than to any body else for any right views I have of life, of Christian responsibility, and of Christ himself. During the five years they have spent here, I have been permitted to enjoy many pleasant and, I trust, profitable interviews with them ; but the seasons longest to be re- membered are those which we have spent together in prayer. Can it be that we shall meet thus no more? Sept. 21. Have to-day attended church and heard Mr. W. preach for the last time as our pastor- in the morning from John 14: 21, in the afternoon from 1 Peter 4 : 7, " But the end of all things is at hand, be ye therefore sober and watch unto prayer." Our dear pastor dwelt much on the transitoriness of all earthly things. Surely, " passing away " is written on all below. The end of all earthly connections is at hand. If not separated before, death w r ill soon rend asunder the ties which bind pastor and people, husband and wife,, parents and children, brothers and sisters, friend and friend ; but if we only have an interest in Christ, we may soon meet where parting shall be no more. Oct. 26. Oh for a heart full of love to souls! Dear Saviour, be pleased to shed upon me the riches of thy grace. Abase every high imagi- LETTER TO S. B. 87 nation before thee, and help me to walk humbly in thy sight. In spite of what the world may say, may I ever retain a low opinion of my best actions, viewing them all as unworthy of thy notice, and far bcxow what ought to have come from one so highly favored. Oh, give me the most abasing views of self, and the most deep and abiding sense of my unworthiness, utter helplessness, vileness and nothingness, that w r hen I approach the mercy seat it may be as an im- potent beggar craving a crumb of undeserved mercy. Hamden, Dec. 3, 1851. To S. B. It was with much pleasure that I received your kind letter. It always affords me pleasure to hear from those I love ; and I hope, my dear Sarah, that you will often write to me, for your letters will meet with a hearty welcome. I am glad to see that you have made so good progress in writing. I suppose if I should come to W. I should scarcely know you, or your brothers, and I am quite sure I should need an introduction to Abb ie Dickerman. I really feel quite honored to have your little sister named for me ; please tell your parents that I am much obliged to them for this token of their kind remembrance. 88 THE SISTERS. I should like to see the little miss very much. Give her six sweet kisses from me, and tell her to be a good girl. How much you must think of her ! If she is spared to grow up, she will, of course, look up to you as an older sister, and do as she sees you do. Strive, then, to set an example before her worthy of imitation. Give your heart to the Saviour, love and serve him, and look to him constantly for guidance. If you do this, you may rest assured that he will assist you, and enable you to be a good daughter and a faithful sister. Dear Sarah, you know the affection I have for you, and the deep interest I feel,' yes, and ever shall feel, in all that concerns you. And my most ardent wish for you is that you may be an heir of heaven. You are not too young to love the Saviour ; give your heart to him, and you will be happy for ever. While I write, my mind continually reverts to two little girls who died here last year. If you will bear with me a few moments I will tell you about them. One of them was our minister's " little Jennie/' aged six years ; the other a cousin of hers, from New York, " little Lillie," aged seven. She came here with her mother on a visit, and was taken sick a day or two after, and died in a little more than a week. She died LETTER TO S. B. 89 rejoicing in Christ. She told her mother she was going to live with him in heaven, and she would come and watch over her, and her dear lonely papa and sister. Our dear Jennie, too, she is gone. On Friday she was at the public examination of our school, full of animation, and the very picture of health. She recited, before a crowded assembly, part of Colburn's arithme- tic and nearly the whole of Smith's geography, without a single failure, and in such a manner as would have done credit to a girl twice her age. She left her books, expecting to return the next term ; but, alas ! her heavenly Father called, and she must obey the summons. In two short weeks from that time we were called to follow her remains to the grave ! She was a lovely child, the joy of her parents and teachers, and the favorite of all. Never have I felt the loss of a friend so much before ; it seemed like parting with a sister. She will never go to school to me any more, but I trust she is in a better school, and Christ is her teacher. Lovely child ! thou canst not come to us, but we shall go to thee. Let us, dear Sarah, be prepared to meet in heaven, never again to part. My health has not been good this winter. I had a very severe fit of sickness in the fall, from which I have never recovered. I do n't think 90 THE SISTERS. you would know me at all, for I have had my hair cut off close to my head. My sisters call me " bub ;? some of the time. I am ; as ever, your affectionate friend, ABBIE. Jan. 16. My heavenly Father is dealing very gently with me. He makes all my bed in my sickness, and puts underneath me his arm of love. Yesterday I suffered a good deal, but not half so much as I deserve. I feel that my cup is running over with blessings. What shall I render to the Lord for all his benefits ? It is, indeed, a very great favor to have such kind friends, who anticipate my every want ; and I feel that they are from the Lord. Oh, how good and kind he is ! I have great cause for grati- tude that it should have pleased him to call me in early life into his service ; and now, though so univortliy, I can look forward with the hope of a glorious immortality. When shall I reach that happy place, And be for ever blest ? When shall I see my Father's face, And in his bosom rest ? Feb. 5. I have just received a very beautiful bouquet from C., of which I think a great deal. How kind my friends all are ! LETTER TO MRS. W. 91 8th. This has been such a day as I have long desired, one in which I could be alone with God, that I might review my life, and spread out all my sins before him, hoping for a full pardon through my crucified Redeemer. What a privilege to be alone. I am strongly attached to my friends, and dearly do I love their society, but I would rather be debarred all intercourse with them than to have no season of retirement and communion with God. Without this we can not be living and growing Christians. I would bring death, judgment, and eternity nearer to my view. I would look upon them as realities concerning me, personally, and be preparing to meet them calmly and joyfully. To MBS. W. Fek 27 ' MY DEAR MRS. W.: I hope you will not think I have forgotten you, though I have allowed your kind letter to remain unanswered. I have had a bad cough for three months, and for eight weeks have been unable to do any thing. During this time I have been wholly confined, and sit up only about half of the time. The doctor thinks I have a disease of the spine and lungs, together with nry old complaints. I sometimes think it rather hard to be laid aside so much, just at the time when I want to be im- 92 THE SISTERS. proving my mind ; then I think this very afflic- tion may be the means which God will see fit to bless in bringing me nearer to himself. I would not direct, but rejoice that I am in the hands of One who will overrule all things as he sees best for me. If I know my own heart, I ask not for life or death, sickness or health, but that God will dispose of me in such manner as will best promote his glory. I often think of what Mr. W. said to me last spring, viz. : " We can as well glorify God by suffering as by doing his will ; " and it has been a great comfort to me. How I wish I could sit down and talk with you one half hour. I have a great deal to say, but don't feel able to write much more to-day. As ever, your affectionate friend, ABBIE. March 29. This morning I had much enjoy- ment in calling to mind passages of Scripture, and meditating upon them. I find such an exercise very profitable. The patience which Abbie manifested in her protracted and painful sickness proceeded from no insensibility, either physical or mental. It was the fruit rather of severe self-discipline; of RESOLUTIONS. 93 incessant watchfulness and self-restraint, aided by prayer and reliance on the strength of Christ. Not unfrequently do we find some such record as the following : April 15. I am resolved to strive earnestly to gain the mastery over my own evil temper. I often allow feelings of anger to rise in my breast at the least provocation, which I feel to be very sinful. I will endeavor to have every word, every look fraught with kindness and love, to show in all things that I desire the happiness of others above my own. I know that I shall be strongly tempted to speak and act hastily. I have found it hard to-day to com- mand my feelings, but I have looked to God for guidance, and hope I ever shall do so. I know that his grace will be sufficient for me. If I would overcome, I must fight earnestly ; I must not allow difficulties to discourage me ; but these should, as I hope they will, drive me nearer to Christ, where is help for the feeblest lamb of the flock. April 22. Christ seems to me precious to- night, and I feel that I can trust him. How delightful it will be to spend eternity in his presence. I feel sometimes that I can hardly wait all my appointed time ; and wish for " the wings of a dove, that I may fly away and be at 94 THE SISTERS. rest." And yet I love this beautiful world, my friends and all around me, ah yes, far too well! Often do they draw away my thoughts and my affections from heaven. Dear Saviour, wilt thou throw around me thine arms of love, and pre- serve me from all these snares? I daily find that, of myself, I can do nothing right. There are in my heart so many wicked, selfish feel- ings, so much pride and rebellion left ; but the blood of Jesus cleanseth from all sin. " Thanks be to God for this unspeakable gift." Am I striving to glorify God ? I fear, not ; but Oh ! I will strive. I do not pray as much as I ought, and without prayer every thing goes wrong : prayer is my only stronghold. Lord, teach me to pray, to pray with a right spirit. " Call upon me in the day of trouble and I will answer." " Seek and ye shall find ;" " Ask and ye shall receive." How precious ! I will trust him. Begone unbelief! April 30. I asked the doctor to-day whether he thought I would recover. He did not tell me plainly, but I inferred from what he said that he thought it doubtful. I am afraid that I do not feel as submissive as I ought. I had hoped to be useful in the world, that I should, some time, be permitted to teach those who have never heard of a crucified Saviour. I RESIGNATION. 95 have been very anxious to study, but for a year and a half my studies have been interrupted by ill health, and, for the most part, discontinued. I feel that I must, probably, relinquish all my favorite plans for improvement and usefulness. I have cherished them so long that it is hard, yet I know that it is well. God can glorify him- self in me here, when confined by disease, as well as in any other circumstances. I hope that he will enable me to be entirely submissive to his will, bearing patiently anci cheerfully what- ever he shall lay upon me. He knows what I need far better than I do, and what will best prepare me for an inheritance among the saints in light. I have not borne my sickness thus far as I ought. I have been impatient that I had to take so much medicine, and have said things which I know have hurt my dear mother's feel- ings. I never do it without deep compunction. It grieves me that I should thus pain her, and dishonor Christ. She is the kindest of mothers, ever anxious for the welfare of her children, how can I thus afflict her ? I have no strength in myself. In my Saviour is an all-sufficient help, one mighty to save ; I will go to him for grace and strength to overcome. May 2. This is indeed a delightful morning. 96 THE SISTERS. All nature seems to speak forth the praises of God. How can I sufficiently bless him for all his goodness to me, how can I best show forth my gratitude ? I feel this morning that I can praise him from my heart. I am calm and peaceful in his love. I long to sit this after- noon at his table and commemorate his dying love, but I am too weak to attempt it. I trust that my Saviour will manifest himself to me here at home ; that he will help me to recognize his hand in this sickness, and bless the glorious Giver, who doeth all things well. 4th. "What a beautiful world this is ! How much in it to admire and to love ! We can turn our eyes in no possible direction without behold- ing the handiwork of God. The earth is full of his goodness. I want to view the beauties of nature with the eye of a Christian, considering them as pledges of brighter glories to be en- joyed in the heavenly world. I want to see my Father in every thing ; to have all my thoughts rising " from nature up to nature's God ;" to be daily taught of him, to be constantly preparing for a seat at his right hand. May 6. Yesterday I suffered a good deal of pain, and felt very feeble through the day. I tried to be patient, and was grieved that I did not succeed better. I feel much the same to-day JOY AND PEACE. 97 in body, but my inind is more calm, and I feel more like submitting to my heavenly Father's will. He has promised that he will never leave nor forsake those who trust in him; and has said " My grace is sufficient for thee. 77 How precious are the promises of God ! " Though the Lord be high, yet hath he respect unto the lowly." " Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me. 77 " Dear refuge of my weary soul, On thee, when sorrows rise, On thee, when waves of trouble roll, My fainting hope relies." Have had a precious season with my Saviour this afternoon, and I would bless him who " hath not turned away my prayer, nor his mercy from me. 77 It is my constant prayer that I may bear with patience whatever is laid upon me, and that I may have the presence of Christ con- tinually, and be filled with his spirit. Oh ! I want always to trust him, to be perfectly re- signed and submissive. " O Lord, my best desires fulfill, And help me to resign Life, health and comfort to thy will, And make thy pleasure mine." It is comforting to know that I am in the 7 98 THE SISTERS. hands of such a holy and merciful God, who does not afflict willingly. I rejoice that it is not left with me to mark out my path in life, for I might now be gaily passing on in that broad road that leads down to destruction ; chasing the butterflies of a day, without a thought of death, judgment, or eternity. I might have avoided sickness and disease, and passed on prosperously for a time, but oh, what would have been my end ! The thought is enough to make me shrink with terror from myself and seek refuge under the shadow of Christ's wing. The afflictions which God sends upon his chil- dren are blessings in disguise, designed to pre- pare them the better for heaven. Oh, will not heaven be a great deal sweeter because we have suffered here ? Friday, May 7th. God is dealing with me in love. In these days of weakness and pain he is granting me many comforts and consolations, and I believe he will help me bear all my trials, and put all my trust in him. I don't think I feel much anxiety about the final issue of my disease, but I rejoice that I am in the hands of God and at his disposal. I know that he directs all things in infinite wisdom, and not a hair of my head will he suffer to fall to the ground without his notice and permission. He causeth WEAKNESS. 99 all things to work together for good to those who love him. Sunday, May 9th. I have sat down to write a few lines, but feel badly, and my thoughts are confused. I have had some views and thoughts to-day which I want to note down, but I can not think of any thing I wish. " It is the Lord, let him do what seemeth him good." Wednesday, 12th. Many are the blessings with which my pathway is strown. My mercies are new every morning, fresh every evening, and repeated every moment of my life. Alas ! what returns have I made for all these favors ? My poor attempts at serving God have been unsuccessful, and I have come far short of my duty. If I know my own heart, I do indeed desire to serve him; to be filled with higher and holier aspirations ; to have my affections entirely weaned from this world, and fixed on my heavenly home. It is true that I sometimes have close and intimate communion with God in prayer ; that I feel his presence in my heart to bless ; but this state is not constant and abiding as I would have it. I am too easily led astray. I often yield to the suggestions of Satan, even before I am aware of his temptations. I am not mindful to keep a constant watch, remembering that the adversary is going to and fro in the 100 THE SISTEES. earth, and walking up and down in it, constantly drawing the feet of the unwary into his net. Oh ! how we should shun and resist him, even unto death. I find that he is often tempting me to murmur at the dealings of Providence, but I would say to every rebellious thought, be still, and know that " God doeth all things well. 77 When I look abroad upon Nature, which is so lovely, I can hardly help longing to go out and enjoy its beauties. May I not forget to look away with the eye of faith " from Nature up to Nature's God, 77 and be ever mindful of him who is strewing, with a bountiful hand, so many rich gifts in my pathway. May I acknowledge him in all my way, and may he direct my steps. Sunday, 16th. The sky has been for four days overcast with thick clouds, and the earth has been refreshed with plentiful showers of rain. This afternoon the clouds have been dis- persed, and now the sun is giving out his genial beams, and all nature seems to rejoice. How lovely every thing is, as it shows the handiwork of God ! It seems to me that the world was never so beautiful before. Every leaf, every blade of grass seems to say, " None but God could make me. 77 Had sin never entered into this world, what a paradise it would have been. LAST WORDS OF HER DIARY. 101 Thursday, May 20th, 1852. I have suffered a good deal of pain for a few days, but have not borne it with that patience and resignation which I ought. Doctor came in to see me this morning, and gave me some new medicine ; what a kind physician and friend he is. He told me that he and his wife expect to see Mr. and Mrs. W. next week. Oh, how I wish I could see them ! I have been uneasy for two or three days because I don't hear from them. I believe there is nothing earthly in which I should so much delight as seeing them, to sit down and have such a nice talk as we used to have. July The night after I last- These were her last written words. The sen- tence was left unfinished,' the few words show- ing a feeble, tremulous hand, which absolutely refused to do its office further. What she designed to say, undoubtedly, was, that during the night after the preceding entry had been made, she was suddenly attacked with hemor- rhage of the lungs, by which she was reduced to a state of great weakness. The record of her feelings under this surprise we can not supply. That they were peaceful and composed, can not 102 THE SISTERS. be doubted. It was her Father's call; why should she fear? The journal is finished, her work is done ! A few more days of suffering, a few more of patient waiting, and she will be taken home. WAITING. 103 CHAPTEE VI. Elizabeth's journal of the last hours The dying scene The funeral. " Where on thy kindly pinions tarriest thou, O soft celestial breath, Sent to my spirit from the Infinite, Why should I call thee Death ? " On my white couch all day I wait for thee, And through the dewy night ; Hath he commissioned thee to wing so slow And calm thy solemn flight ? '** Should I repine while here in arms I love Just under heaven's bright gate, Until the angel of the Lord come down, A little while I wait ? " So sang another youthful pilgrim, a " child of genius and of song/ 7 * as she drew near the goal of life, chiding the delay of that messen- ger which should bear her away to rest. It was thus, with meek resignation and joyous hope, * MARY E. HUBBELL, a native, also, of Mt Carmel, born a few rods distant from the home of Abbie, and two years younger than she. She was daughter of Rev. S. Hubbell, formerly pastor of the parish. 104 THE SISTEES. that our Abbie waited, through the bright weeks of early summer, until her " change " should come. Whatever of conflict there had been in her bosom at the thought of relinquishing her deeply cherished plans of self-improvement and of usefulness was now past. It was her com- fort, almost daily and hourly repeated, that her " Father " was doing all things well. The dis- tressing fears, also, which had once so filled her horizon, were all dissipated. The one kind design for which, apparently, they had been permitted,' to teach her herself, and to bring her with a whole heart and entire faith to the Saviour, had been accomplished. We have seen how often and how earnestly she gave her " all" to him, and with what emphasis she declared that she did and would trust in his care ; and he now fulfilled his promises, keeping in perfect peace the soul that stayed itself on him. Though suffering often, in the paroxysms of her disease, beyond all power of utterance, yet never a word of impatience passed her lips, never a look but of holy submission and love sat upon her countenance. Occasionally she had strength enough to ride, and, if not too much fatigued, enjoyed it much. She was an ardent lover of Nature, and her eye drank in, with great delight, the beauty of the 105 scenery about her home, the gray old cliff of Carmel, the rounded slopes of the hills, the rich meadows and pastures, and the long, wood- covered mountain ranges that fringed the hori- zon in the distance. Dear they all were for their own sakes ; dearer as the work of her heavenly Father; dearest of all, in her own words of faith, " as pledges of brighter glories in the heavenly world." Once, indeed, there was a temporary hiding of the light. Her mother, who watched by her bed, perceived her silently weeping, and on inquiry found that she was giving way to that thought which will arise often in every mind, What if, after all, I am deceived, what if the Saviour is not mine ! The very suggestion plunged her into grief which, in her enfeebled state, she could not restrain. Just then Eliza- beth entered the room with a Bible in her hand. Mrs. D. said, " Haven't you got something there to comfort Abbie ? " She came and sat down by the bedside, and read to her many of the sweet promises of God's word ; especially this, which greatly relieved her, " Fear not, for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee ~by my name; thou art mine. When thou passest through the waters, I ivill be with thee ; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee ; when thou ivalkest through the 106 THE SISTERS. fire, tJiou shalt not be burned; neither shaU the flame kindle upon thee." The cloud which had for a moment overshadowed her was dispelled by these soothing words, and never returned again. She walked henceforth, during the few days that remained, "in the light of his counte- nance.' 7 The occasion was one of interest on another account. There had been something of an instinctive shrinking, on the part of Elizabeth, from speaking with Abbie in respect to her danger, and the event now so evidently at hand. The idea of separation had been too painful to be allowed, and sisterly fondness had almost beguiled from itself the sad certainty in refusing to think of it. But from this time the reserve was broken. The reading of the promises to Abbie was followed by a free and tender con- versation on the subject, and ever after, the sis- ters, with the other members of the family, spoke and wrote of it with entire freedom, enjoying much communion of spirit, and mu- tually strengthening and being strengthened for the great grief which was so fast coming on. ELIZABETH TO MRS. W. May 26 ' DEAR MRS. W. : For four or five weeks Abbie has seemed to be failing, although she VISIT OF HER FORMER PASTOR. 107 has been able to go out every day until Friday, when she had her first attack of hemorrhage, (from the Iungs 7 ) followed by others in every severe fit of coughing, for several days ; conse- quently, she is much reduced. "We hoped when this was checked that she would begin to revive, but, instead of it, her strength seems to be fail- ing, and we very much fear that her stay here is nearly finished. She seems fully aware of her situation and entirely resigned ; indeed, from the first I think she has not had a desire to recover. We have such a glorious hope that she is prepared to dwell in a far better home, that it seems selfish to mourn, though it is oh 1 so hard to part. LIZZIE Abbie had expressed a very earnest desire to see once more her former pastor and his wife. We hastened, accordingly, to Mount Carmel. As we entered the room, and beheld her ema- ciated form and sunken cheek, we saw indeed that the spoiler was there, while the bright glad- ness of the eye, and the eager grasp of the hand told us that his power was upon the poor body only, it could not reach the heart. Her cough was so incessant that she could not talk much. As we spoke of the Christian's hope, 108 THE SISTERS. and of the blest home awaiting him in the " many mansions/' it needed not words to tell how precious that hope to her. The smile on her speaking face, the sweet serenity that sat on her brow, the few low spoken utterances which her weakness would permit, revealed a joy and peace " passing all understanding. 7 ' And when we knelt in prayer around her bed, we felt that there was little to ask for, but the words fashioned themselves spontaneously into thanksgivings for the grace which had been given to our loved one, and which was now lighting the dark valley with the glory of heaven begun. One night her mother, who slept by her side, was awakened by the voice of the sufferer as if speaking to herself. She lay and listened. It was the voice of faith and hope repeating those . words of triumph which have been the song of so many of God's faithful ones in death : " I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith ; " Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, shall give me at that day ; and not to me only, but unto all them, also, that love his appearing." 51 INSIDIOUS DISEASE. 109 June 5. DEAR MRS. W. : We think your little flying visit was very beneficial to Abbie, for she has been improving since that time, and this morn- ing has been sitting up two hours. Her cough is not quite as tedious as it has been, and, were it not for our apprehensions of renewed hemor- rhage, I should almost hope, even now, that she might recover. She has been feeding on fond recollection ever since you left. She has been eating one of the oranges you gave her, and thinks it " a little better " than any she has had. It is such a consolation to have her so perfectly resigned and happy, and it seems as if we could hardly be grateful enough. LIZZIE. For a time the favorable symptoms continued, and, but for the insidious nature of her disease, there might seem to have been some real grounds to hope for her restoration. But the seeming, alas ! was brief. July 20th Elizabeth wrote to Mrs. W. " The doctor told us, about a week since, that her disease was gaining ground, and he thought it vain to hope for a favorable change, since every thing has been tried with no beneficial result. Her countenance is still natural, but 110 THE SISTERS. she is much thinner than when you were here. Rev. Mr. Cowles called this morning, with his wife, to see us, and it really seemed refreshing. Oh, how much we feel the need of a pastor's sympathy and prayers ! " It was during this visit of Mr. Cowles that it first became known that Abbie had kept a pri- vate journal. Some inquiry of his drew from her a disclosure of the fact, and it was in con- sequence of his representations that she was induced to change her purpose of destroying it, and permit it to be retained by the family. It can be imagined with what delight the dear pages were perused. It became the special solace of the weary night-watchings for the mother and sisters, and greatly aided in furnish- ing those resources of comfort by which their hearts were fortified against the sore bereave- ment. Upon the sisters, especially, did it produce a marked impression. It disclosed to them the secret springs of that hope which so brightened their sick room, the habits of self-communion and self-discipline, of prayer, and meditation, and repeated consecrations to God, which had wrought out this maturity of piety. An exam- ple so commended to them, it was most natural to follow. Both of them commenced at that ELIZABETH'S JOURNAL BEGUN. Ill time similar journals of their own, which they continued, with equal fidelity and interest, till they, too, laid down their pens to follow her to rest. It will be our rare privilege to read the record of the last hours, as it was written during those hours, by a sister's hand, and hallowed by a sister's tears of mingled anguish and joy. ELIZABETH S JOURNAL. Hamden, August 1, 1852. Believing that my darling sister Abbie's un- cojnmon growth in grace has been greatly assisted by keeping a journal of her experience, and earnestly desiring to do what I can to fill the vacant place which will soon be made by her death in our family circle, and in the church of God, I have resolved to pursue the same course which has been so greatly blessed to her, pray- ing that the richest blessings of Abbie's God may rest upon it. It is the close of another holy Sabbath. I have not attended church, on account of Abbie's feeble state ; but methinks the day has not been wholly lost, for in the retirement of my closet, I have had sweet communion with my heavenly Father, and never before has his holy word seemed so precious. Am sitting up for a few 112 THE SISTERS. hours with, my dear sister, that 'nra, who is worn down by protracted watchings, may get a little undisturbed repose. How grateful ought we to be that, although the Lord is grievously afflict- ing us, he is still mingling many mercies with his chastisements. Strange that we can be so un- grateful as to murmur and repine at his dealings, when we so well know that this affliction is sent in infinite love. I think I can already say that it has been sanctified to me, for never before have I enjoyed so much of my Saviour's pres- ence, as for a few days past. Abbie's pilgrim- age seems almost finished ; her work is all done, and well done, and she is only waiting for her summons home. It seems selfish to mourn for her, for we know that she will be infinitely happier with her Saviour. In his arms she longs to repose, safe from all the snares and tempta- tions of the world. Lord, prepare us for this sad bereavement; be with us in the hour of trial; be her stay and her staff as she passes through the dark valley, and give her a peaceful and triumphant entrance into thy rest. 2d. Dear sister Abbie her sufferings must be nearly ended ! How selfish to desire her con- tinuance here in such agony of body as she has to-day experienced, when she longs to fly away and be at rest. We thought this morning that THE LAST HOURS. 113 she could scarcely continue through the day, but for some wise purpose her life is still spared. She has expressed very strong desire to see brother E once more, but this morning said that she did not expect to live until his return. I rather thoughtlessly told her that the doctor thought she might possibly continue through the week, though he did not expect it. She instantly burst into tears, saying, " How can I ? How could doctor say so?' 7 Dear child, how she longs to be with her Saviour ! Sometimes almost impatient to be gone. I can not be suffi- ciently thankful that I have had the privilege to spend my whole time, for the last six or seven weeks, by her bed-side. Seldom has a murmur escaped her lips, and yet, she is daily mourning her impatience. Death seems deprived of all its terrors, and she can look it in the face, and talk about it with as much composure as any common incident of every-day life. It seems to afflict her greatly to see us indulging our grief, and in most cases, I have been able to control my feelings in her presence ; but when I think what a precious treasure we are about to lose- precious in more ways than one to every member of our family circle -wishes that God would spare us this blow, amounting almost to rebellion, sometimes arise in my mind. Yet I would not, 114 THE SISTERS. for worlds, were it possible, take upon myself the responsibility of saying, Sister, live. If E. were only here, one bitter ingredient in our cup of sorrow would be removed for I know that she longs to see him, and at the same time it would be a relief to him to weep with us. Have been with father to select a burial-place for her. It was a sad duty, and yet God sustained me, not, however, without many bitter tears. 3d. Abbie had a very distressed night, and it seems almost impossible that she can see another. She seems impatient to be gone, and says, " Oh, if I could only go home ! " A little later, in speaking of E., she says, " I do n't expect to see him again, but I don't know, for it takes so long." This morning -she wished to have the children called, that she might give them some little mementoes of her affection. She accompanied each gift with a few parting words, and a fare- well kiss. About noon we thought her dying, and called in the family to see her breathe her last. Such distress I had never before dreamed of, and we prayed Oh, how earnestly! that she might be released from her sufferings, but God had some wise purpose in continuing her life. She said, on being asked, that Christ was still precious. She several times gasped for breath, and we doubted not all would soon be THE LAST HOUES. 115 .over; but after about* an hour of intense suffer- ing, she found some relief, and about four o'clock seemed much revived. Oh, the delightful hours we then enjoyed ! A heavenly smile lighted up her features, and sweet peace and serenity dwelt upon her countenance. I could not refrain from asking her if she felt very happy, to which she answered, "Yes." How can I ever thank God enough for those precious hours ! About nine o'clock our many prayers were answered in E.'s return. When told of his arrival, Abbie said, " Has he come ? Where is he ? " He immediately went to her room, and desired that they might be left alone for a little season. Abbie was able to converse with him, and the benefit of those moments to the interests of his soul, will never, I trust, be lost. Her room has, this afternoon, seemed like a little heaven on earth. She spoke little, but words were needless, her countenance spoke volumes. Until midnight she rested very quietly; more so than for several previous nights, but she then complained of coldness in her extremities, and asked if 'ma had been put- ting ice in the bed. After bathing and rubbing them, wrapping them in warm flannels, etc., she is again (one o'clock) sleeping. She said this evening, "I don't get away very fast, do I, 'ma?" 116 THE SISTERS. I have just heard her say ing, " Oh, if I could only go to sleep and never wake again ! 77 4th. Abbie has had a more comfortable day than we anticipated, and we have enjoyed it so much that we feel very grateful. She has slept a good part of the day, and we have w^atched her very closely, thinking she might depart in sleep. The doctor has called and says he should not be surprised if she should finish her course before morning, but she may continue for several days ; and he thinks it quite probable that she may have more of those distressing pains she experienced yesterday. This morning I found it impossible to control my feelings, and Abbie looking intently in my face, asked what was the matter; had she said or done anything wrong? To which I replied, " Oh, no ! but it is so hard to part." She said, " I know it is hard, but my sufferings have been very great. 77 This afternoon ? ma asked her if she was waiting and longing to go. She replied, " Oh, yes, but E. and E. feel so badly that it makes it hard. 77 Why should we not sorrow, for if we were ever con- verted, she was the happy instrument in both instances. Oh, what a glorious crown awaits her ! No wonder she longs to wear it. What will eternity reveal for her ! Many, I believe, will rise up and call her blessed. THE LAST HOURS. 117 5th. Our heavenly Father has graciously spared the life of our dear Abbie another day. Yet I know she desires rather to depart and be with her Saviour. Her impatience to be gone, however, seems entirely over, and she is ready now to say, " Not my will, but thine be done." How many mercies our Father is mingling with our cup of sorrow ! It is not a bitter cup, although it sometimes seems hard to think we must be separated ; but he knows how to temper the wind to the shorn lamb ; how to bind up the broken heart. Who that is permitted to witness the heavenly smile her face constantly wears, could wish it otherwise ? It seems lighted up with a holy joy, such as earth can not afford serene and peaceful as a summer evening. She has conversed more this afternoon than for several days past asked where the family would sit at her funeral, and said she had thought she should like flowers in her coffin, with perfect composure. Surely her faith must be built upon the Rock of Ages. How consoling it will be after her departure, to look back upon these delightful days. God knew what was best in that paroxysm of pain, and it seems to me that I can always trust him henceforth to do just what seemeth good in his sight. I feel now as if I could give Abbie up without a murmur, 118 THE SISTERS. for God has been so gracious, and has dealt so gently with us for the last two days. " Bless the Lord, my soul, and all that is within me bless his holy name." 6th. This has been to Abbie a day of suffering. Last night we were obliged to give her opiates, and to-day she has been quite stupid from their effects. Her mind has been rather wandering all day, but this afternoon she has slept less, and suffered more from delirium. Early in the morning she called F. in from another room to change the water in her vases of flowers, and soon after said, " Beautiful flowers ! but I am going where flowers will never fade." As I w r as sitting beside her this afternoon, she wiped the tears from my face, and said, " I love you it is hard to part/ 7 and asked me to lie down by her side, when she threw her arms around me and drew me close to her. She has, during the day, frequently asked to kiss us, and seems even more affectionate than ever. We had hoped her mind would continue unclouded to the last, but God has ordered it otherwise. After saying something which she imagined might make me feel unpleasantly, she said, " How could I say that, it makes E. cry so." She has slept most of the night thus far (twelve o' clock), but when awake seems no more rational. It is very trying THE LAST HOURS. 119 to see her suffer so intensely, while we know we can do nothing to afford any relief. She said, this afternoon, in a lucid moment, " I sup- pose the body can not be kept long/ 7 thinking, doubtless, that we may not have time to procure flowers for her coffin. 'Ma had previously told her we would get some from New Haven. How dearly she loves them ! 7th. This has been decidedly the most distressful day Abbie has yet experienced ; distressful to her friends, although I doubt whether she is fully conscious of her sufferings. Her delirium greatly increased during the latter part of the night, but for a few moments early this morning, she appeared rational, and at- tempted to repeat the words, " death, where is thy sting ! grave, where is thy victory ! thanks be to God who giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." About eight o'clock, she was very delirious, and it was with, great difficulty we could keep her on the bed, although she had not before had strength to move. She begged us to take her off, and said she would get off. We finally pacified her by lifting her on the sheet, and when we laid her back, she seemed quite exhausted, and fell asleep. In the evening, she twice repeated the 120 THE SISTERS. words, " Thanks be to God who giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 77 8th. Sabbath Poor Abbie's mind seems completely worn out ; and shattered to pieces. She has many times to-day, attempted to say something to us, but has been obliged to stop and seemed trying to collect her thoughts, but all in vain. It is affecting to see her with eyes fixed on the wall, and mouth partly open in such a deep study, and then have to give over with, " I can't think. 77 Early this morning she en- deavored to repeat the hymn " Rock of Ages/ 7 but could recall only two lines. I finished it for her, and at the end of the first verse, she re- peated three times, " make me pure. 77 This is doubtless the last Sabbath she will spend on earth, and before the dawn of another, she will be purified in the blood of the Lamb, which is able to cleanse from all sin. 9th. Abbie has been a little more comfortable to-day; her intellect, however, seems entirely wasted. If intellectual attainments are to be- nefit us only during our brief sojourn here, they too are but vanity. Abbie has always mani- fested a strong desire to improve her mental powers, and when opportunity presented, has toiled early and late, to secure the desired object ; and when her spirit shall be loosed from THE LAST HOURS. 121 her poor suffering body, we hope she may drink in streams of intellectual enjoyment, such as earth knows not, and of which the wisest of earth's millions have never dreamed. She seems so passive and so much like a little infant, that we can but say, "how has the strong one fallen 1" Doctor called this evening, and he says he can not see what has sustained life so long; for more than a week, we have been expecting every night and day almost every hour, would be her last ; and yet she lingers on, in intense suffering. Oh, what a glorious change will she experience, when the bonds which fasten her here shall be dissolved, and she shall be wel- comed to her Saviour's presence ! 10th. Abbie was comparatively comfortable for a few hours this morning, and wished to be taken to the window, where she could see the flowers. We moved her bed and raised her so that she might look out. She seemed highly gratified, and talked about the different varieties ; then, after resting awhile, wished to be raised again. She has been in possession of her reason through the whole day, though occasional signs of weakened intellect have been manifested. I brought in a fresh bouquet for her about noon, which she attentively examined, asking the names of the different flowers, seeming not to 122 THE SISTERS. ** remember them herself. She has been very quiet during the night to the present time (two o'clock), though not entirely rational. At one time she called, " Sister E., do come and stay with me." I told her I was sitting by her and holding her hand. She replied, " I thought it was somebody else Oh ! I am so glad." At another time she pointed to the wall, and said, " Beauti- ful beautiful I am going to get it for sister E./ 7 and stretched out both hands to grasp it. She then clasped both arms around my neck, and drew me down to her face and kissed me repeatedly, saying, " How I do love you ! " In one of her coughing fits, she several times said, " Oh, my mother ! " but her mother could afford no relief. In all her pains and trials, she seems patient as a lamb, and perfectly resigned. This afternoon she said, " Oh, if I could only die ! but it seems so hard." ? Ma replied that she could not stay much longer, and she seemed quite relieved. Not a murmur has escaped her lips for many days, amid all her great suffering, but patience seems indeed to have had its perfect work. Two or three weeks since she could not endure the thought of staying, but now she seems willing to wait her Master's call. She is so pleasant, so affectionate, that it is hard to give her up. May we all be prepared to say, " Even DEATH. 123 so, Father ; " and to kiss the rod with which he chastiseth us. Wednesday morn, August 11. Precious, pre- cious sister, her trials are over her sufferings are ended ! How can we ever be sufficiently grateful that there is a world beyond this vale of tears, where those who serve their Maker here below, shall be for ever blest ! Early this morning, Abbie asked to be re- moved to the window, that she might once more behold the works of God. She murmured some- thing about the flowers being beautiful; said, "beautiful God tree " but could not con- nect her words, and was unable to articulate distinctly. She seemed to be drinking in foun- tains of inexhaustible delight in those few moments. She gazed at them for about fifteen minutes, and then we laid her head upon the pillow. Presently she fell asleep, and after a time (a little before eight o'clock), we noticed a change in her breathing, and called in the family. Her respiration continued to grow less and less frequent, until it finally stopped, and she slept in Jesus. Not a struggle nor a groan, not the movement of a muscle indicated the change, but pulsation had ceased, the wheels of life stood still, and we knew that she was dead. Oh, the blissful change she then experienced ! Our 124 THE SISTERS. many prayers are answered ; she has passed peacefully through the dark valley, leaning on the arm of Jesus. A heavenly smile is on her face, beautiful in death. Her shining curls fall negli- gently about her neck, and never before have I seen her so lovely. After Abbie had been look- ing at the flowers for the last time, and just before she fell asleep, her face seemed lighted up with such a heavenly radiance, that ? ma asked her if she felt happy. She replied, " Yes, happy, happy/ 7 and these were her last words. Yes, she is happy, for Jesus has promised to those who love him a seat at his right hand, and pleasures for evermore. Precious promises ! precious Saviour ! precious hopes ! may they all be ours for time and for eternity. 12th. This has been, indeed, a trying day, yet God is my strength. Let rne lean upon his almighty arm for support, and he will bear me through the furnace of affliction. Let me say to my rebellious heart, Peace, be still, for thou, Lord, didst it. Thanks to his holy name, I can say, " The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away ; blessed be the name of the Lord. 77 I humbly trust that my Saviour is sanctifying this affliction to my soul, for never before have I had such sweet seasons of communion with him ; yet I fear, Oh, how much, that, when the FUNERAL. 125 excitement is past, I shall return to my old care- less habits again. How can I endure the thought of again becoming so cold and indifferent, and loving this vain world so well. Blessed Ee- deemer, help me to wean my affections from all things else, and to place them supremely upon thee. Take whatever course thou wilt, give me poverty, sickness and bereavement, but deny me not an inheritance in thy kingdom. Help me to follow the example of the dear departed, as she endeavored to follow the teach- ings of her Saviour. How many times to-day I have been to gaze on that lovely countenance, radiant in death with such a smile as none but angels wear! How can we wish her back in this world of sorrow and suffering, when she has been permitted to pass so gently through the cold, swelling tide of Jordan ! Thanks, in- deed, be unto God, who gave her the victory, and thanks to his holy name for his comforting assurance, " Blessed are the dead which die in the Lord." 13th. Another trying day, for we have depos- ited all that is mortal of our treasure in the cold grave, and left her there to her last, long sleep. During the whole morning beautiful flowers came pouring in ; tributes of affection from kind friends. May God reward them all 126 THE SISTERS. for their sympathy and love, with the precious hope that cheered dear Abbie in her dying hour. Mrs. P. and cousin C. arranged the flowers most tastefully in the coffin. In her hand she clasped a bunch of elegant roses and buds, a gift from Miss W. The lid was off, and the coffin literally filled with them. How kind every body is. I have received a very kind letter from cousin P. this evening. It seems as if I could never thank God enough for giving me so many kind friends, whose sympathy is like a healing balm. Rev. Mr. Cowles said, at the grave, that it was precious to parents to know that a child already initiated into the employments of heaven, should be waiting to welcome them home. The idea struck me forcibly as being exceedingly beauti- ful. How many precious thoughts are con- nected with the memory of the dead 1 It seems as if the grave was robbed of all its terrors, for we know that the clay alone reposes there. The following letter, received shortly after from the Rev. Mr. Putnam, narrates the funeral services more particularly. Whitneyville, Friday, Aug. 13, 1852. MY DEAR BROTHER, I have just returned from the funeral of Miss Abbie A. Dickerman. LETTER OF REV. MR. PUTNAM. 127 The weather was delightful, and a large assem- bly was present. It was a most affecting, and still, a most inter- esting I had almost said, a delightful occasion. I think that I never attended any other 'funeral which was so free from every thing of a gloomy character. A light from heaven seemed to stream down on the lovely corpse, and to drive all darkness far away. At the house I began the services by a short prayer for the divine presence, then read the twenty-third Psalm, made a short address, and offered prayer. After which we sang one of her favorite hymns, " I love to steal awhile away " then, after taking our last look of the face of the dead, on which a sweet smile seemed to lin- ger, we repaired to the grave, where the Rev. Mr. Cowles, who was present, officiated. He made some very interesting and appropriate re- marks, suggested, in part, by some personal recollections of the deceased. I have not time to write more. Believe me to be, truly and affectionately, AUSTIN PUTNAM. 128 THE SISTERS. CHAPTEE VII. Influence of Abbie's character and death Elizabeth's resolutions Visit to Plymouth Re-opening of school Prayers and labors for her pupils Music lessons Death of her grandmother, A LIFE and death like that which we have now contemplated could not but exert a very great influence upon the surviving members of the family. It was a rare exhibition of the power and beauty of religion, made doubly effective as brought into the bosom of their own circle, and commended to them by one most deeply and tenderly loved. From this time it remained with them as an invisible, yet ever felt presence, hallowing their home with precious memories, and pointing to the bright world to which they were now linked by a tie so sacred and so dear. To Elizabeth, especially, the present was a new era in the religious life. Her outward character had indeed been exemplary, and she was not, it is believed, without some true expe- rience of the inward power of Christ's love. But she had been greatly absorbed in her 129 studies and her teaching, and did not seem to have so wholly subordinated all to the service of Christ, as did her sister. From this period onward, however, she evinced in this particular a marked change. We find her, after Abbie's death, sitting very solemnly in judgment upon her past course, and entering into new resolu- tions of fidelity to herself and of devotedness to God. Her journal, as in the case of Abbie, will be henceforth our chief guide in delineating the progress and success of these efforts. Aug. 20. This afternoon I have been reading in dear Abbie's journal, and, I hope, have been profited by it. Oh, how unworthy I am, polluted with sin from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet ! What infinite mercy, what won- derful condescension in the Ruler of heaven and earth to permit one like me to approach into his presence ! How much I fear and dread the world, lest I again fall into its snares. my God, help me to consecrate myself more un- reservedly to thy service. Help me to take up the cross, and, through evil report and good report, follow my blessed Master, who suffered so much for me. I have resolved to go about my Father's business, not fearing the taunts or reproaches of the world. Help me, Lord, to 9 130 THE SISTERS. embrace every opportunity of promoting thy cause, and grant that I may so live that there shall be no more occasion to say of me, What doest thou more than others? In thee, God, is all my strength. 22d. This morning I retired for devotion until breakfast, and, after looking over my Sab- bath School lesson, I sat down and wrote a little note to E. G-., urging her to attend to-day to the interests of her soul. Oh, I have been unfaith- ful to my dear class. I have not exhorted them personally to repent of their sins, and I stand condemned for my neglect before the tribunal of my own conscience. How, then, must God look upon it ? Wonderful mercy, that he still gives me time and opportunity to labor in his vineyard, all unworthy as I am. I have told E., in my note, that I shall pray for her every night ; may I be helped to fulfill this promise, and may they be such earnest and fervent prayers as God shall delight to bless. And wilt thou, Father of every good and per- fect gift, lead her to give herself, soul and body, into thine hands, and get glory to thy great name ? A little before Abbie's departure, she had had a long and interesting conversation with her REV. MB. PUTNAM'S SERMON. 131 father, in which she betrayed " the ruling pas- sion strong in death." The spiritual condition of her youthful companions weighed heavily on her heart, and she sought by one effort more to do them good, even after her lips should be silent in the grave. She desired that, if practi- cable, a discourse might be preached on the occasion of her death specially addressed to the young ; and designated the* Rev. Mr. Putnam, in whose preaching she was ever particularly in- terested, as the one whom she would prefer for this service. He cheerfully complied with the request, in allusion to which Elizabeth has the following : Aug. 22. This evening Rev. Mr. Putnam has been up, and preached to the young people here according to dear Abbie's dying request ; his text, Eccl. 12 : 1, " Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth." He addressed the audience for ha]f an hour, in a most faithful and affectionate manner ; describing religion as a precious ornament of the young, and reminding them how uncertain is life, which, if prolonged to old age, would be an age of sorrow unless they early made God their portion. There was a full house, apparently deeply interested, and it seems as if its effect must be happy. 132 THE SISTERS. Elizabeth had a heart full of sympathy for others. In her own great grief, under the stroke of bereavement, she had a tear and a word of gentle comfort for a dear friend who had just buried a little son.* Though written shortly before Abbie's death, it is inserted here not to break the continuity of events then rapidly hastening to the impending crisis. Hamden, July 14, 1852. MY DEAE MRS. L. : Since hearing of the deep affliction with which you have been vis- ited, in the death of your darling little Eddie, I feel constrained to write you a few lines. It * The father of this interesting child, in transmitting- his little legacy to the A. B. C. F. M., accompanied it with an affecting notice of his death, concluding as follows : "After he had ceased to notice any thing about him, and we were watching the last sands of life, appearing to feel the shades of death gathering about him, he repeated, in a fully audible voice, his usual evening prayer. ' O God, forgive me my sins, and give me a nice new heart, for Jesus Christ's sake Amen.' How heartily did our aching hearts respond Amen. " He loved the Sabbath School, and always desired to put something into the missionary box. He had a little store of which he made me the trustee, and on which he claimed interest. I can not doubt, were he now with us, he would take a lively interest in the Missionary Packet, and I think I can not better discharge my trust too long delayed than by sending you, for that object, as I now do, the amount, with in- terest, six dollars and forty-five cents. If there is cognizance of the passing events and enterprises of earth in heaven, doubtless it will add to the joy of his angel spirit, to know that his little earthly treasure has been applied to so good an object; and it also affords a mournful satis- faction to a bereaved father." SYMPATHY WITH A FRIEND. 133 seems, sometimes, to alleviate our grief to know that it is shared by others, although in such an hour of trial the friendship of Jesus is more precious than that of all earthly comforters. How dark and cheerless earth appears ; but, when we raise the eye of faith upward, we see the loved one safe from all the troubles of this world in the bosom of him who said, " Suffer the little ones to come unto me." How your heart must bleed ; and yet, (though none but a mother knows the strength of the tie which binds her to her child,) I am sure you can not wish your darling back, for, had he been spared, he would have found life at best but a weary pilgrimage, and now he is "an angel in heaven." Dear little Eddie, he always seemed to me an exceedingly interesting child. I can hardly realize that he has passed away for ever. How comforting the thought that his little ransomed spirit is looking down from the skies, perhaps ever near those who so fondly loved him on earth. " It is a beautiful belief, That ever round our head Are hovering, on angels' wings, The spirits of the dead." How precious, too, the assurance that we have a friend in heaven who can sympathize 134 THE SISTERS. with us in all our sorrows, who invites us to come and cast all cares upon him who careth for us. Please present my kind regards to Mr. L. ; and may an infinitely compassionate Father grant you all the consolation you need in the more abundant communications of his Spirit and grace. Ever affectionately yours, doubly so in affliction, LlZZIE DlCKERMAN. Aug. 23. Ta brought home the piano this noon, but I do not find as much pleasure in playing as I anticipated, for it seems so sad. The last time I played before, Abbie was here to listen, but now she has joined the innumer- able choir of heaven. Oh, what music warbles from her tongue, and with what skill does she touch her golden lyre to the praise of redeem- ing love ! She greatly regretted here that she had no talent for music; but now she is satis- fied; and my poor attainments can no longer compare with hers. Mrs. W. writes, " If I am permitted to reach those heavenly mansions, shall I ever get near enough to gain one glimpse of her there?" It had not occurred to me before that I might not spend eternity with her, ENCOURAGEMENT IN LABOR. 135 even if I attained heaven itself. Father of mercies, grant me stronger desires for holi- ness, earnest and longing desires, such as them wilt not refuse. Help me to draw nearer to the throne of thy grace, and to live in intimate com- munion with thee ! 26th. I have just returned from prayer meet- ing, with my heart full to overflowing. Last Sabbath I gave Emily G. a little note, and have ever since longed to hear from her. She was at the meeting this evening, and, after it closed, J had opportunity to speak with her for a mo- ment, when she seemed deeply affected, and burst into tears. Can it be that such a feeble effort, put forth in perfect weakness, shall be blessed of God ? What have I been doing all my life long, neglecting to labor in my Mas- ter's vineyard ? And now that this first attempt should so soon promise immortal fruits ! I shall be an ungrateful wretch if I still refuse to take up the cross. I asked E. if she did not think she could give herself to Christ, and she said she did. Oh that I could only see her and have a good talk with her ! for I long to know just where she is standing. It seems as if God had done this on purpose to encourage me, and now I hope that I shall ever be instant in season, and out of season, warning 136 THE SISTERS. all with whom I associate, to repent and come to Christ. I long to do all in my power for my dear S. S. class. Oh, how dearly I love their souls ! and it seems now that God is preparing the way for a blessing. 27th. This" morning I wrote a note to C. May the Lord bless it to the salvation of her precious soul. What a cause for gratitude it is that I have Christian parents who dedicated me in infancy to the service of God, and have been offering up for me their fervent prayers from the dawn of my existence ; whose wrestlings and tears the midnight hour has often witnessed. Shall I not be doubly guilty, if I refuse to labor in his cause who has blessed me with such parents ? 28th. It is three o'clock in the morning, and as I design to go to New Haven as soon as it is light, I have risen thus early that my morn- ing devotions may not be interrupted ; for if I omit them, it seems as if a whole day is lost. I love to consecrate the earliest and best hour of day to communion with heaven, before the world creeps in and takes possession of my too yield- ing heart. I do desire to restrain its rovings, and make God all in all. During a visit of a week with her friends, Mr. and Mrs. W., in Plymouth, she writes : VISITING. 137 August 31. This afternoon Mrs. W. has been showing me some of Abbie's letters to her ; from which I have copied some extracts. They breathe such a spirit of devotion and of self- consecration to God's work, that I feel con- demned for my lukewarmness. Oh that I could be a whole-hearted Christian, for I can not en- dure this halfway work ; it seems so much like mocking God ! And yet I would not take the whole world for the little enjoyment I have in religion. Sept. 4 Left Plymouth about half-past ten this morning. I had designed to spend the Sabbath there, but when I came to think that if I did, 'ma would have to go to the communion table without any of the children with her, I knew she would feel lonely, so I concluded to come directly home. Our communion season is, however, deferred till another Sabbath, and I now almost regret that I did not remain. How- ever, it matters little, for I can serve God here as well as there ; indeed I find home much the best place for accomplishing the great work of life, for there is less here to distract atten- tion. 8th. Returned this morning from a visit to Wallingford, where I went on Monday. Last night after we retired I had a long talk with 138 THE SISTERS. M. She seemed quite free to communicate her feelings, and says she is fully determined to be a Christian. Circumstances have not yet per- mitted her to make a public profession of reli- gion, but she says she should feel it a privilege to do so. She expects soon to go to Albany to school. She will board with P. in a public house where there are no religious influences, and I tremble for her. Her companions will perhaps be of the most thoughtless sort, and where will it end ? May God preserve her from wandering away from him. The last two extracts are characteristic ex- amples of Elizabeth's regard for her friends. It was not only that she knew how to " weep with those that weep/ 7 but to identify, also, all their welfare with her own. Often does she record events in the history of others, with expressions of her interest therein, and almost always, as in this instance, with prayer for a blessing upon them. She was now about recommencing her school, which had been suspended during the summer. Like every similar occasion, we find her making it a time of earnest self-communing, resolve, and supplication for guidance and help. PRAYER FOR FIDELITY. 139 12th. To-morrow 1 design to commence school again. Never before have I so felt the responsibility resting on me as a teacher. Immortal souls are entrusted to my care, and perhaps their eternal happiness or misery will depend on my fidelity. Oh ! may I ever set before them a godly example ; may they never judge from my conduct or conversation that religion is a gloomy thing ; while I am careful on the other hand to indulge in no light and trifling conversation before them. I have read of large classes being converted to God through the instrumentality of a faithful teacher. Oh that our school-room this session might be a little Bethel ; that the anxious inquiry might there be heard, " what shall I do to be saved ? " and that these dear youth might taste the blessed- ness of a Saviour's love ! I have resolved that, with the grace of God to assist me, I will im- prove every opportunity to lead my dear pupils to see themselves just as they are sinners against a justly offended God. I have lived long enough in sloth, and feel that it is high time for me to be about my Father's business. Few have so many opportunities to converse with impenitent ones as I have, and for all these I must account. Oh! may I meet them when called before my judge and say, " Here, Lord, am 140 THE SISTERS. I, and the souls which thou hast given me," and hear in return, " well done, good and faithful servant." 15th. Rose this morning very early, and received a rich reward, for I enjoyed much of God's presence. Was also aided in my petitions at the opening of school. Oh that these dear pupils may see that I am in earnest, and that I do strive to honor my God ! 19th. This evening have been again to dear Abbie's grave. Beside it another, scarce two feet long, has recently been made. There sleeps a little infant son of uncle A.'s. He opened his eyes and breathed a few short hours, then closed them forever. It is a bitter disappointment to the parents, but he has escaped a life of toil and trial which he hardly tasted. Thus all are passing away. The destroyer comes alike to the gray-headed sire who has filled out his fourscore years, to the active and gladsome youth, and to the new-born infant; but it matters not when, provided life's great end is accom- plished. Would that I might realize more and more every day the object for which I was created ; " to glorify God and enjoy him for ever." Help me, Father, to look away from myself to Jesus Christ, my advocate with thee. For his PRAYER MEETINGS. 141 sake strengthen me for all the conflicts of life, and help me to come off victorious over every sin. " Cleanse me, Lord, and make me pure." In Jesus alone is my trust. 23d. We had a precious little meeting this evening at Mr. L. I.'s, for God was there. The room was filled, mostly with professing Chris- tians, but among them were a few of our dear impenitent friends. Scarcely a moment was wasted, but all our brethren even those whose voices I never heard before, unless specially called upon were ready to speak and pray. Surely God is waiting to bless us, and shall we refuse to receive? I believe we shall yet gather a rich harvest of souls, for Christians do seem to be waking to their duty, and God has promised his blessing to those who ask it. Come, Lord, and work like thyself, and get glory to thy great name in the salvation of precious souls. 1 had quite a talk with C. coming home, and do most sincerely hope that the Spirit of God is striving with her. She is a sweet girl, one whom my soul loves, but she lacks the one thing needful. How much I do long to see her within the fold of Christ ! 1 could intercede for her the whole night at the throne of grace. Take her into thine arms, Father, and may she 142 THE SISTERS. not give sleep to her eyes until her peace is made with thee. 25th. Last evening I attended our weekly female prayer meeting at Mrs. C.'s. Our number has doubled since our last meeting eight ladies being present. Oh ! how pleasant it did seem to kneel down together and unitedly pray for a blessing on our own souls, upon the church, and the souls of our dear impenitent friends. Precious little meeting ! may I love it more and more, and never willfully absent myself from it. It does seem as if God was waiting to be gra- cious, as if his Spirit was striving with his people to bring them out boldly on the side of truth, and lead them to advocate his cause fearlessly before a gainsaying world. This morning God was with me in my closet, and I hope that I shall be able to withdraw my thoughts more from earth than I have hitherto done. I find a thousand foes within and without, all striving to draw me away from my blessed Saviour. 29th. This morning I arose very early and went to New Haven to engage a music teacher. Have concluded to take lessons of Mr. B., who has been highly recommended to me. My prayer is that I may not be so much engrossed with them as to neglect more important duties, RESOLUTIONS. 143 especially my morning and evening devotions ; and that God's presence and blessing may crown my humble efforts with abundant success. This afternoon the Sabbath School Anniver- sary* has been celebrated here. Dr. H., from New Haven, addressed the parents and teachers, and related a remarkable instance of fidelity in a teacher, which had come under his own obser- vation. A young lady had a class of girls who, in a short time after being placed under her care, were all converted. Another class was soon after assigned her, when the like result followed, then a third. After her death, which occurred not long subsequent, the following resolutions were found among her papers : 1. " To pray for those dear children every day. 2. To make each one a particular subject of prayer, daily. 3. To persevere till they are all converted." Here was the secret of her success, for prayer "moves the hand that moves the world." Oh! I do desire to be more faithful to my dear Sabbath School class, and to see them all lambs of the flock. If I pray with a fervent spirit and labor with them as I ought, I know that God can bless. * Anniversary of a " S. S. Union," embracing a number of the schools of this vicinity." 144 THE SISTERS. Here then, before thee, my Father, do I adopt the same resolutions. May I have thy assistance to enable me to keep them ; for in thee alone am I strong. 30th. Rev. Mr. T. called to see our school, and was pleased to express his gratification with his visit. I do hope that I am doing some good and making myself useful, for I have little time in which I can work. E. came home this afternoon, and wished very much to have me go out and make calls with him ; but it is the evening of our prayer meet- ing, and God has given me grace to resist the temptation. May I be rewarded, in getting my spiritual strength renewed. I do love these little prayer meetings, for they are precious seasons to my soul, and of late they have been peculiarly interesting. Lord, be with us to- night, and lead some inquiring soul to him whence comes all our help. Oct. 1. What -shall I say to-night? One of my dear pupils, a member of my Sabbath School class has found her Saviour ! A came home with us last night, and, after a little con- versation on the subject, seemed greatly dis- tressed in her mind. Fannie was alone with her for a long time before the meeting, and I won- dered they did not come down, since it was get- CONVERSION OF A PUPIL. 145 ting late, but now I know the reason. Before A went to sleep she told Fannie, in a whis- per, that she had found relief; and this morning she was happy. I never before saw her wear such a countenance as she has worn to-day. The love of Jesus has shone in her very face. Oh ; how unworthy I am ? that my poor prayers should be so answered ! Only two days since I resolved to pray daily for my dear class, and, almost before a day passed, one was already rejoicing in hope. Oh, how much I shall have to answer for if, after such encouragement, I am unfaithful ! 3d. A came home with me this noon, and it is really soul-reviving to see how happy she is. She expresses a desire to be useful, and says she is not afraid to have her companions know that she means to be a Christian. One may read in her countenance that she has tasted joys which the world knows not of. Blessed be God's holy name, if he has saved one of those dear souls from everlasting death. May I have wisdom and grace to direct her aright. She will doubtless find foes within and without; but may God give her grace to overcome them. I can not praise God enough for his goodness. I have longed to see some of these dear ones safe within the fold, and God has chosen one 10 146 THE SISTERS. whom I have always tenderly loved for her amiable qualities. 6th. This has been a very interesting day to me. This morning L. G. came, about eight o'clock, in great distress of mind. I conversed and prayed with him, and when it was time for school, left him with 'ma and Fannie. He did not come to school till nearly noon, and has not been able to study much to-day. As soon as the school was dismissed he came to me and burst into tears again, and said he could not go home. I tried to direct him to Jesus, and told him the work lay between his soul and God, - then prayed with him again, and advised him to go by himself in prayer and resolve not to leave his room till he had given himself to the Saviour. Oh, how I did long for the tongue of an angel ! I have been praying for just such a season, and now that it has come I know not what to say. I do believe that the dear one is not far from the kingdom of heaven. Teach me, Lord, how to direct inquiring souls to thee. 7th. L. came to me again this morning quite early, feeling much as he did yesterday. I really do n ? t know what to say to him, for I can't see where his difficulty is, unless he is relying too much on human instrumentality. I cautioned him against this, and told him that I PRECIOUS MEETING. 147 could do nothing for him, but point him to Jesus who is all-sufficient. Oh that I might have that preparation of heart which will fit me to act wisely and speak with discretion to inquiring souls ! Have been to Deacon G.'s this evening, to the prayer meeting. The majority of those present were of the impenitent. Oh that this night might witness the striving of God's Spirit with their hearts ! We had a good little meet- ing, though there were but few to bear a part in it. 8th. It is raining quite fast, and I fear for our female prayer meeting this evening. Some- times I have almost desired something to pre- vent my going, but to-night it does seem that I must go. Yet, Lord, thy will be done, for I can have the privilege of secret prayer, and this thou wilt not deny me. . . , ... It stopped raining in time, and I called for cousin M., and went down to the meeting. No one else was in, but we had a precious little season. I felt much more freedom than usual, and was very glad I went, for I find my spir- itual strength renewed, and am more determined to serve the Lord. Oh for heavenly wisdom and grace ! In my own self I am miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked. I desire to feel my own nothingness. If I am permitted to labor 148 THE SISTERS. in thy vineyard, my Father, help me to ren- der to thee all the fruits, and to feel that I am still an unprofitable servant. llth. 7 Pa has a slow fever. I think I can see the hand of God in it for my benefit. My mind has been completely absorbed by my mu- sic, and now God prevents my practicing, that it may get into a more rational state. I am already feeling more indifferent about it; and when God sees that I am willing to submit the matter entirely to him, I doubt not that I shall be able to go on. I hope my dear father will not have to suffer on my account. To MRS. W. Oct 20 > 1852 ' Our church have given Mr. T. a call to be their pastor. I hope he will accept it, for I think we never needed the labors of a faithful pastor more than now. There are some indica- tions of good among us. Our prayer meetings are well attended, and at the last two or three we have had more than a room full. My school is much pleasanter than ever before, for the Spirit of God seems to be with us. It is as yet a " still small voice/ 7 but I think I can truly say that God is here. I feel that I have the greatest encouragement to be faithful to him. LETTER TO MRS. W. 149 Nov. 25. This morning came up from New Haven very early, and I neglected to go into my closet, to thank God for all his mercies and all his chastisements. How much I have to be grateful for, yet how prone I am to forget the Author of all my blessings ! To MBS. W. Jan ' 17 > 1853 ' DEAR MRS. W. : It would be superfluous for me to tell you that I was delighted to receive another token from you that I am still " held to memory dear. 77 I deferred replying till after ordination, (of Mr. T.,) but you doubt- less have the particulars of that fresh from Mr. W., without their having been squeezed into a mail bag, so I don't know what I shall resort to for " news. 77 Allow me, however, to say that the very best part of the occasion was the privilege of seeing him, though his stay was so short. His presence was as gratifying as it was unexpected ; and, if he had only brought his "better half 77 and little fractions along too, our happiness would have been complete. How much I have thought of dear little L., and her shocking burn I It must be very tedious this wintry weather. I am glad S. is progressing so finely in the art of reading. It 150 THE SISTERS. looks a little like getting old enough to " shave and wear a collar." Many letters to her intimate friends exhibit a very genial temperament, which gave a rare charm to her society. Eeligion was to her far from being asceticism ; her extreme self-watch- fulness and conscientiousness were enlivened by many a smile and many a playful word, showing the sunshine of the heart within. Among her papers are found a few com- positions in verse, which, though of a very unpretending kind, evince at least a refined taste and a harmonious ear. One of these, written at this time in Abbie's album, is ad- dressed, TO MY SISTER IN HEAVEN. Is it well with thee, sweet sister, in thy heavenly home above ? That blessed home where thou dost dwell in endless light and love : Methought I heard angelic bands sing to their harps of gold, " Thrice welcome, gentle spirit, to this world of bliss un- told." We can not mourn that thou hast gone, although a vacant chair We see beside our hearthstone as we sadly gather there ; For we know that a better seat for thee thy Saviour doth provide, A radiant throne of victory close by his wounded side. DEATH OP HER GRANDMOTHER. 151 And we know that thou art happy beyond our mortal ken ; No, we will not be so selfish as to wish thee back again ; For even in death a heavenly light shone on thy marble brow, And we heard thee softly breathing, " I am happy, happy, Methinks I hear thy glad response steal gently from above, " It is well with me, my sister, in this world of light and love ; And when thy days are ended, and the golden cord shall sever, We shall meet again in heaven to part no more for ever." April 24. The death of her grandmother is re- corded, a venerable lady residing in the family, who departed in peaceful hope. She had been remarkable for her cheerfulness in age and infirmity. A visitor once observed to her, " I suppose you can say with Jacob, few and evil have been the days of my pilgrimage." " Oh ! " said she with a smile, " I have seen a great many good days." Elizabeth thus writes : During the past week we have been called to lay our dear grandmother in the grave. How blessed the change for her ! No more burdened with infirmity, no more pain, no more care henceforth the crown of victory and the harp of praise ! What matter is it that our mortal 152 THE SISTERS. bodies molder back to dust ? If life has been spent in the service of our Maker, and our treasure is laid up above, then welcome the hour when we shall put off these " clay taberna- cles " and go to dwell with Him. HART FEMALE SEMINARY. 153 CHAPTER VIII. Organization of the Hart Female Seminary Elizabeth as Principal Discouragements Brightening prospects Household cares La- bors for souls Revival. IN the spring of 1853, a Seminary for young Ladies was established in Plymouth, Conn., under the superintendence of the writer. An associa- tion of gentlemen was formed, and became incor- porate under a general law of the State ; the old mansion long the residence of the pastor of the church was purchased ; and the institution, after a former occupant whose memory was dear to that people, was named the " Hart Female Seminary. " Elizabeth was invited to take charge of it, as Principal. The enterprise, at this stage of it, was an experiment. Not a pupil had as yet been secured ; no provision had been made for salary, or for the necessary furniture of the house. Our chief endowment was an earnest resolve, and a firm faith that no true work of love to God and love to souls would be permitted 154 THE SISTERS. to fail. Elizabeth's success in teaching and the solid traits of her character were known, and in looking about for one to whom the charge of the infant institution might be entrusted, our choice fell upon her, as eminently qualified for the station, and adapted to secure the ends contemplated in its establishment. The result proved that these expectations were not un- founded. It needs but a glance at her diary to discern the motives with which she entered on this new scene of responsibility. " Mr. W.," she writes, " has invited me to go to Plymouth to teach. Shall I be more useful there than here?" Then follows one of those searching interrogations of herself as to her fidelity to her former pupils, and earnest prayers for divine aid in the duties before her. " How many happ}^ hours I have spent in my schoolroom here, and how kind my patrons have been to overlook so many failings. And my dear, dear pupils them too I must leave. Have I done all I could to lead them to Christ ? Shall I be prepared at the judgment to say, Here, Lord, am I and those whom thou hast given me ! May I, in my new field of labor, put self wholly aside, and have God's glory alone in view. May I be guided entirely by divine HOUSEKEEPING. 155 wisdom, and depend wholly on infinite grace for every duty." It was intended that the Seminary should be both a boarding and day school. The house- keeping was to be under the care of a matron, and the pupils and teachers were to live there together, the Principal to have the direction of the whole. It was impossible, however, to make the necessary arrangements for housekeep- ing until about the middle of the first term ; the three or four pupils who had meantime joined the school being provided for in the families of the village. These, with some ten or twelve day scholars, constituted the school during the summer. At length housekeeping commenced. An inti- mate friend of Elizabeth consented to come with her, and serve as matron till some one was pro- cured permanently for that office. A letter to her mother describes the important beginning, and the buoyancy of heart and hope with which it was made. Plymouth, July 7, 1853. MY DEAR MOTHER : We are really here, all safe and sound. Mrs. T. came up and took Mary home with her. We expected to stay at the Seminary to-night, but every thing is not 156 THE SISTERS. complete yet, and we shall wait till to-morrow. They are fitting us up beautifully. The par- lor is to be handsomely furnished, and it is hinted that we are to have a grand piano there, leaving mine to go into the dining-room for the girls. We have white breakfast, dining, and tea sets, and every thing nice so far, of Mr. T. 7 s selection, also a barrel of flour, some codfish, and a little of all kinds of groceries. Our stove is just like yours, so Ellen will manage it easily. She is as happy as a lark ; and, with the aid of Mrs. W.'s girl, whom she has lent us, has been driving a double team since I came. They all like Mary right well. The first night she slept but little, as she was half sick and alone, at Mr. T.'s. The next morning she had the blues and thought she must go straight home, but I told her / should stay. In the afternoon she felt better and we laughed her troubles all away. Now she seems delighted. LIZZIE. Though the school this summer was not large, yet the duties of teaching and the novelty of her position as the head of the family imposed upon her much care and anxiety. To her mother she writes, in reference to it, " It seems to me, once in a while, that any thing would be TEACHES IN THE SABBATH SCHOOL. 157 a relief in which I should not have to think, think, think. I told Ellen yesterday, when she was ironing, that I envied her. She replied that she wished she was^ to swap." Notwithstanding these cares, she still found time for her own studies. " Have to-day/ 7 she records, " commenced the study of Latin. I almost fear that I am undertaking too much, but it is better to wear out than to rust out in this world, where there is so much to do, and so little time to do it in. I know that I shall make no proficiency in this without God's blessing, and most earnestly do I implore his assistance. Very soon after coming to Plymouth she was chosen teacher of an interesting class of young ladies in the Sabbath School. Of these she writes : July 24. I have never, till to-day, ascer- tained how many of my Sabbath School class have a hope in Christ ; and, to my great disap- pointment and sorrow, I find that none of them have it. Here is a new call for me to be dili- gent and faithful. I am resolved to take up my cross and bear it, for the sake of that Saviour who has done so much for me. I felt that God was with me to-day, and he loosed my tongue and enabled me to warn my dear pupils to flee from the wrath to come and lay hold on eternal 158 THE SISTERS. life. I urged them to come now ; to-day ; and oh that the grace of God may follow what I said, and bring these wanderers home to him. I do desire to be instrumental in the salvation of souls. Our present term will close in little more than two weeks. Oh that we may see some soul brought into the fold of the Redeemer before we separate ! At the close of the term Elizabeth hastened home in great anxiety for the health of her sis- ter Fannie, who began to show symptoms of alarming disease. The vacation was mostly spent in the care of her ; and, though the unfavorable symptoms abated, yet she returned to her school, in September, with a heavy heart, partly from anxiety for her sister, and partly from apprehensions respecting the school itself. The first entry in her journal after her return betrays the despondency which oppressed her. Plymouth, Sept. 14, 1853. Commenced school this morning with oulyfour scholars. Have felt very lonely and sad through the day, and know- ing how much I am needed at home, I con- cluded this afternoon to go, till I saw Mr. W. who, of course, had words of comfort for me. He says if I am laboring for God I must leave all my solicitude with him, feeling that he will MULTIPLIED LABORS. 159 appoint for us just what is best. If the pros- perity of our school will promote his glory, he will grant us success. We must leave the mat- ter entirely with him. Oh, how pleasant it is to have a little light break in when one is all in darkness ! The friend who had assisted her as matron during the summer was unable to return. The number of pupils that might offer for the next term being uncertain, it seemed hardly warrant- able to engage another; and Elizabeth, with characteristic self-forgetfulness, offered for the present to dispense with one. She would be principal and matron, too. With the aid of the efficient Ellen, her mother's former domestic, she would do both the teaching and the house- keeping. An engagement was, however, made of a young lady to come in a few days as " assist- ant pupil ; " and all further arrangements were left to be subsequently made, as the progress of events should call for them. The beginning of the fall term, as already in- timated, was very inauspicious. Four pupils only, the first day, and five the next ! One whole tedious week rolled by and the number had scarcely increased. The enterprise was a new one, the very existence of the seminary 160 THE SISTERS. had scarcely become known beyond the town. Even many in the village who were purposing to come, under the lax habits which had been tolerated in respect to the district school , had not thought it important to be punctual at the beginning. No wonder that loneliness, despond- ency, and, at last, desperate homesickness seized upon Elizabeth. Letters were despatched to her mother, day after day, saying that she must, she would corne home. An extract from one of these, while it gives a somewhat amusing view of the miseries of this malady, will awaken sym- pathy for the sufferer herself. MY DEAR MOTHER : If you will send to me that you need me at home, you may dismiss Margaret, and I will go into the kitchen and work early and late ; for I am so perfectly mis- erable that I can 't live here fourteen weeks, I am sure. I can't eat; have not eaten as much as one good meal, in all, since I came. I have to sit down and make the motions on the others 7 account, but it seems as if every morsel would choke me. I must not cry, because others will be unhappy, and so I keep my distress pent up in my own bosom until my heart is well nigh bursting. Noon. It is just as clear before me as the HOMESICKNESS. 161 noonday sun. At home is my mother, the very best woman that ever lived, slaving herself to death for her children. There is my only dar- ling sister, whose very life may depend upon watchful care. Here am I, away from all that are near and dear to me, for what ? To teach Jive scholars ! No, my eyes are open. My deter- mination is taken, and my next duty is to carry it out. I have not yet made it known to Mr. W., but I know that nobody can censure me. At any rate, if I can get home, the world may say what they please. Perhaps you will think me crazy. I don't think I am now, but believe I shall be if I stay. I shall get off to-morrow if I can ; at any rate you may expect me in a few days. Yours, very affectionately, LIZZIE. Prospects at length began to brighten. Her next letter is of a more cheerful tone. Sept. 24. MY DEAR MOTHER : I presume that by this time you have come to the conclusion that I am getting over the blues. Well, so I am, but, really, they were not without cause. Mr. W. and two or three others were wholly unreconciled to my determination to leave, and 11 162 THE SISTERS. they have been making a special effort this week. The result is that we are to have five new boarders next week, and our day scholars will probably be increased to fifteen or twenty ! Then, our original plan of having only young ladies has been suspended, and we are to have a primary department, though distinct from the other. The juveniles we are going to put into the middle back chamber, and Mr. W. says that the only trouble about the arrangement is, that he is having too many applications for " small favors." If we can't get scholars for pay, we have concluded to take them for nothing, par- ticularly boarders ; and have reduced our terms to $120 per year, which is so much lower than any thing of the kind elsewhere, that we are sure people will look this way. Nor was it the brightening prospects of the school alone, but the never-failing resource of prayer and trust in God, which brought to her this relief. On the 25th she writes in her jour- nal thus : Have been perusing a very precious sermon which Mr. W. preached to-day, and was after- wards kind enough to lend me. It is entitled " Cares cast upon God," from the text, " Casting all your cares upon him, for he careth for you." 163 I feel that it has done me much good, and that I can cast every care upon my heavenly Father, and trust my all in his hands. Oh ; this has been a good day to my soul ! Thanks be to God who has given me the victory over temptation ! How different are my feelings from what they were last Sabbath ! I do hope that I shall not be left to wander back again to unbelief and darkness, but that my faith will grow stronger and brighter until my Father calls me home. The sermon was returned a few days after- ward, and the following lines were found folded within the leaves. TRUST IN GOD, " Casting all your care upon him, for he careth for you." And will my heavenly Father hear so weak a cry as mine ? And may I cast my every care upon a Friend divine ? My sins have ever risen high, like mountains, o'er my head, Though clothed by his all-bounteous hand, and from his table fed; Though he called with tenderest words of love to me, his wayward child, Bidding me leave the dross of earth for pleasures undefiled ; And when I would not follow he used his chastening rod : Oh, blessed faithfulness that smote, to lead me back to God ! But how in every sorrow do I know that he will hear, Since he dwells in highest glory where angels praise with. fear, Where brightest seraphs lowly bow, and myriad voices sing " Honor, and power, and glory, to heaven's Eternal King ? " 164 THE SISTERS. I read that not a sparrow shall fall without his word ; He clothes the grass, and beast and bird feed from his ample board ; He says to every sorrowing one that upon him relies, " Call on me in time of trouble, and my grace shall e'er suf- fice." And more than all, hath sent his Son to wash away our guilt, And will not leave the souls for whom that precious blood was spilt. Oh ! sweet to call him Father then, and sweet to trust his love ; Sweet to believe that Jesus can all our guilt remove ; Sweet to look up to heaven, the home of spirits blest, Where the wicked cease from troubling, and the weary are at rest. Ah yes ! my heavenly Father, in thee I will confide ; Under the shadow of thy wing my soul shall e'er abide ; And let me never from thy side, again, ungrateful rove, But take me to thyself at last, to dwell with thee above. To HER MOTHER. Se P t> 27 ' MY DEAR MOTHER: I suppose, when I tell you that we have to-day thirty-two scholars, you will think that a brighter prospect has dawned upon us. We have already five boarding pupils, and three more positively engaged to come next week, Mr. W. says he believes we shall " make a live of it yet." He asked me this morning how many we had, and when I told him, he said, SCHOOL INCREASING. 165 Now yon may write to your mother," of which privilege you see I am availing myself. I made soda biscuits for tea to-night, for the first time. I had to snatch time from a music lesson, and didn't expect they would.be eatable -, but they were first-rate. I wish I could send some with my letter. What funny letters I should have, if I could enclose all I want to 1 Well, if you would know what a cook I am you must come up and see. How is Fannie ? Tell her we shall want an- other teacher next term, may be, and she must get well fast. I am to have seven music scholars, and perhaps more. Am getting on very nicely, so don't borrow trouble about my worfc ing too hard, for Miss H., my assistant, holds her- self in readiness for all emergencies. Love to LIZZIE. Tuesday morning, 27th. Our new teacher Miss H. came yesterday afternoon. I hope we shall labor together faithfully for the spiritual welfare of our pupils. I feel that this session must not pass without some fruit to God's glory .- We have two or three in school who profess to have made Jesus their friend, and I design as soon as practicable to propose to them to hold a little prayer meeting, to pray for the descent of ; 166 THE SISTERS. God's Spirit among us. Oh ! how my responsi- bilities are increasing, but it is sweet to know that I may come in all my weakness to him whose strength is perfected therein. Oh! I love to trust in him. Precious Saviour ! Precious Friend ! Oct. 6. Our family now numbers fourteen ! I feel that it is a responsible thing to have the care of it, and, besides, I have six hours to spend in school every day, and six music scholars to teach, myself, out of school hours. I don't know but it is wrong for me to try to do so much, but I love to work with my might, and there is so much here to be done by somebody. My great- est trial is that I have so little time to spend alone with my God, for I feel that I am entirely dependent upon him, and that without his grace I am nothing. Have received intelligence to-day that sister Fannie is worse. I have now very little hope for her, yet it is hard to give up all. O my Father, must it be that she too is to be taken ? How can I be left alone ? Oh ! help me to feel that thou knowest what is best and wilt do all things well. Sabbath afternoon, Oct. 9. This has been a lovely day, and for the first time we have been to church together, as a boarding school. I am RESPONSIBILITIES. 167 afraid I have been a little vain, and too much elated with having so large a number, but to God alone is due all our success. Have been think- ing this afternoon of the weight of responsibility which is resting upon me, until I am almost crushed beneath it. What could I do, where could I go, had I not a firm hope that I have a Friend whose strength is made perfect in my weakness ! I do long to witness the outpouring of God's Spirit upon this beloved Seminary, to know that these precious souls are inquiring the way to life. Still, I am afraid to do any thing out of the ordinary course, lest it should do more harm than good. Oh that I may learn of the Great Teacher who alone is able to guide and direct me ! God has been good in giving me such a kind and faithful assistant. I can not see how I would have her different from what she is. I hope that I shall always treat her kindly and affectionately, for surely she deserves it. The great secret of her willingness to spend and be spent, I doubt not, lies in her devoted piety. It is sweet to have a kindred spirit near, who has felt the Saviour's love, and can sympathize in my anxie- ties as well as joys. May the richest of Heaven's blessings be her reward ! 168 THE SISTERS. To HER MOTHER. You seldom find a more genteel set of girls than ours. I should not be ashamed to compare them with any boarding school in the land. In fact, we think we have the pleasantest school (numbering forty-three) and the happiest family (numbering seventeen) in New England. How I wish Fannie could be here too. Mr. W. has engaged for us the services of "Aunt T." a notable housewife, for two or three days in a week. She has been here to-day for the first time, revolutionizing in the kitchen, making pies, gingerbread, cookies, &c., besides some apple and quince preserves which are first- best. Have I told you that we have in all twelve music scholars, and five in French ? Then Mr. W. has a class in Latin, and I have had two addi- tions to my drawing class the past week. We have ceased expecting that they are all in, for they are coming every week. Oct. 16. I have written nothing in my diary since last Sabbath, for I have so many cares that I can scarcely call a moment my own. For two or three weeks I have hardly been able to retire for a single night before midnight, and in the morning I am so drowsy that I rise only in time to dress for breakfast ; then come music lessons DESIRES FOR A REVIVAL. 169 till school time. Something must be done, for I feel that by pursuing such a course, I am injur- ing my own soul ; and how can I guide aright those committed to me, without drawing fresh supplies of grace from that Fount whence all my blessings flow ? I feel that I am engaged in a noble work, and thank God from my inmost soul that he has given it to me to do. But I have need of earnest, fervent prayer. Oh, how my heart yearns for these precious souls ! I am resolved not to sleep to-riight till I have done something for them. God, give me grace ; for a word fitly spoken, how good it is ! Put thoughts into my heart, and attend my humble efforts with the mighty power of thy Spirit. These arduous labors and desires for the ben- efit of her pupils were not long in yielding their precious fruits. Very faithfully was she seconded in them by her assistant, Miss II., whom she truly pronounced a congenial spirit. Indeed, the efforts of these young ladies at this period were such as might well instruct many a professed disciple of Christ, who can find little to do for him. For several weeks, until a suitable matron could be procured, they had, as we have seen, all the care of the household, as well as of the 170 THE SISTERS. school ; and it is not too much to say that their management of both was all that could be wished. Neatness and order reigned in every depart- ment ; while unaffected kindness, mingled with, and chastened by a grave seriousness, such as sprung from a deep sense of responsibility, and from constant communion with Heaven, alike con- troled, while they won the hearts of all their pupils. Very soon Elizabeth had joyful facts to record. Sabbath eve, Oct. 23. The Spirit of the Lord is evidently among us. Immediately after tea, I told the young ladies that Miss H. and myself were going to our room for a little season of prayer, and proposed to them to do the same. As we were going into church this evening, Miss C. asked Miss H. if she could see her after the service. She told her that, " when they went by themselves to pray, there was no one to con- duct their devotions. At length Miss J. read a prayer and they were much affected." At our evening prayers to-day, sobs were audible in dif- ferent parts of the room, and some of the girls were so much affected with the hymn we sung that they could scarcely finish it. I have been talking with Miss C., and she seems very much distressed, but I fear not so much on account of REVIVAL IN THE SEMINARY. 171 her sins as something else. She is a sweet girl, and would to God the one thing needful were added to her virtues. Monday eve, 24th. This morning we found Miss J. in deep distress. When the young ladies came down to breakfast, anxiety was depicted on almost every countenance, and when addressed personally, we find that they are feeling deeply. One, who is a professor of religion, says she knows she is not a Christian, and seems as anxious as the others. Not knowing what "to do, and fearing I should do something wrong, I sent for Mr. W. He conversed with Miss J. for some time, and she has spent the day in her room alctae. She says, " Oh, I am so guilty ! " May she find that Jesus alone can cleanse her from guilt. Mr. TV. went into the school and addressed a few words to the pupils, as they repeated yesterday's texts. Oh, how much grace do we need at this crisis ! I am willing to take up my cross, but much fear that I shall be indiscreet in my advice. I feel that prayer is my surest refuge, my only hope for doing good, and I will plead with my heavenly Father to put words into my mouth; to teach me that I may teach others. Sabbath, Oct. 31. The past week has been one that will long be remembered. " The Lord 172 THE SISTERS. hath done great things for us, whereof we are glad." Seven of our little flock have found the Saviour precious. In some hearts the tempest has raged fearfully, but Christ has spoken peace, and now there is a great calm. For two days, Miss C. was in the deepest distress, and it was almost heart-rending to hear her cries for mercy. Thursday night, we were up with her until after midnight. Just before twelve, she seemed more calm, and entertained a trembling hope that her sins were forgiven. The next morning, before we were dressed, she knocked at our door, and without waiting for us to open it, she came in crying, " Oh, I w r as deceived last night, what shall I do ? " and then, I will seek until I find.' 7 She threw herself on her knees and there re- mained through the day, the picture of despair. But in the evening, God whispered peace, and she came down stairs with such a sweet smile on her countenance that none could doubt the greatness of the change. Two others enter- tained a hope the same evening, Miss W. and one of the day scholars. The young ladies in our family have a little prayer meeting every evening, which all attend, and we are hoping for a still greater blessing. Oh, why should our faith be so weak that it can not, like God's love, embrace them all ? REVIVAL IN THE SEMINARY. 173 Miss B. was one of the first awakened. Friday evening, while in prayer with E. C., her distress was very great. Hearing her groans and cries I went up stairs, and on entering her room, she threw her arms around me, asking me so earn- estly what she should do, and saying, " Oh ! I will be a Christian." When she came down to the prayer meeting she seemed changed, and has continued in a happier frame of mind since. All seem ready to take up the cross and go to work for Christ. This noon in my Sabbath School class I had some personal conversation with J. S. She has no hope in Christ, but promised to give the sub- ject serious attention immediately. Oh, how my heart ought to overflow with gratitude when I recount all God's dealings with me ! Truly I have been led in a way which I knew not. For ever praised be my Saviour, that I am allowed the blessed privilege of bearing a humble part in this holy work. I had some conversation with M. C. when we were walking on Friday, and her feelings seemed very tender. Miss H. has just been talking with her again, and she hopes she has given her heart to Christ. If so, she is the eighth over whom we hope angels in heaven have rejoiced during the last week. 174 THE SISTERS. Nov. 7. The attention of some of our day scholars, particularly of the younger portion, seems to have been arrested, and some of the little ones think they have resolved to serve the Lord. 22d. I intend to invite my scholars, who have an interest at the throne of grace, to remain with me after school to-morrow to ask for a more abundant outpouring of God's Spirit here. The Lord direct me in all my doings. Hart Female Seminary, Nov. 23, 1853. To REV. D. H. T., OF MT. CARMEL. DEAR SIR : I am very happy to have the privilege of acknowledging the receipt of a let- ter from you, and to know that though out of sight, I am not entirely forgotten by my pastor. Truly, the Lord hath done great things for us here. Fifteen of our pupils, including four or five little girls, have come out, as we hope, on the Lord's side. The work commenced in a very quiet way, and has thus gone on to the present time. I need not tell you IIOAV entirely inadequate I have felt myself to occupy the position in which I am placed. When I have stopped to reflect that the salvation of an immortal soul may depend upon a word fitly spoken, then I have ENGAGEMENT OF A MATRON. 175 felt how weak I am. I know that it is a mo- mentous responsibility, ever, to teach ; but to direct inquiring souls to Christ, to point out clearly the way of salvation, to tell when to warn, when to entreat, when to encourage hope, to speak a word, and the right one, to all, to distinguish between excited feeling and genuine conviction of sin, requires wis- dom and grace such as can be gained only by experience and the teachings of God's Spirit. And what am I, that I should attempt to guide others? " Can the blind lead the blind?" We have now forty-five pupils in our school, and eighteen in our family. I have been mat- ron, principal, and all together, but we now have a new helpmeet, and I am hoping to be a little less burdened with care. The "helpmeet" here mentioned was MissH., an estimable lady, who had now been employed as matron. She entered warmly into the plans of the teachers and their labors for the good of their pupils, and was a very valuable aid to the success of the institution. The subsequent deportment of a few of those who now entertained hope was not altogether such as Elizabeth desired, and it filled her mind with much anxiety and distress. She feared 1T6' THE SISTERS. that her own influence over them was not what it should be, and records in her journal many expressions of apprehension as to the result. I resolved, she writes, last Sabbath, to invite them to remain after school on Monday, and urge them to be wholly devoted to Christ, to labor for him as good stewards, and to be care- ful not to bring reproach upon his cause. I felt it to be a great cross, but my Saviour helped me to bear it, and gave me words to speak. Fourteen of my pupils remained, and some were absent who, I think, are Christians. Sabbath, Dec. 4. Mr. W. preached this after- noon on entire submission to God ; showing that we must accept salvation, if we ever have it, on God's terms. He will not stoop to accommo- date himself to us, but we must receive his offers just as they are, and yield ourselves wholly to him. Oh ! I do believe that I am ready to make this consecration. " Here, Lord, I give myself away, 'T is all that I can do." Take me and do with me just as seemeth good in thy sight ; deprive me of all that I pos- sess, of health and of life itself, if need be, but, Lord, I must be at peace with thee. I can not live so far away from thee. My heart is CLOSE OF THE TERM. 177 breaking in view of my ingratitude to thee, and the many mercies with which thou hast all my life crowned my pathway. Grant me the light of thy countenance, and the smile of thine ap- proval ; 't is all that I desire. The close of the term was now near at hand. Elizabeth anticipated the vacation with much eagerness, for she was anxious to be with her sister Fannie, who was manifestly approaching her end. Intelligence of her decline had been frequently received, and nothing but the deep interest of the work in which she was engaged kept her from hastening home at once. The last entry in her journal; for the term, breathes the fervency of her desires for the conversion of her remaining pupils. Dec. 18. To-day have been reading to the young ladies from Abbie's journal. They were much interested in it, and some of them seemed much affected. Oh that it may be blessed to the salvation of their souls ! Some of the most promising among them, who seem to have every thing but the one thing needful, are almost con- tinually in my thoughts. Nothing but the grace of God can renew their hearts, and to him do I commend them, earnestly praying that our circle 12 178 THE SISTERS. may not be broken at the last day. May we all unite in singing the songs of redeeming love for ever. The labors of the school are now to be ex- changed for those of the sick room. It is an appropriate place in which to speak of that loved sister, to sketch another picture of youth- ful piety, and behold how, sustained by it, the beautiful and tender may die 1 FANNIE. 179 CHAPTER IX. Fannie Her early character Conversion Diary Efforts of use- fulness FANNIE, the youngest of the three, was, in most respects, much like her sisters. In her natural love of books and study she even ex- celled them. Reading' aloud to her mother, and especially to her aged grandmother, was one of her favorite occupations. Often, in her early childhood, would she follow her mother about with her book, amid the labors of the house- hold, reading, asking questions, and manifesting eager desires for gaining knowledge on every subject. In her temperament she was quick, ardent, impatient of reproof, though easily influenced by an appeal to her better feelings. She early manifested a mature cast of thought and ex- pression, so that her letters and writings at the age of twelve appear more like the productions of one twice her age than those of a mere child. The writer remembers an occasion in which the 180 THE SISTERS. pupils of her sister's school in Mount Carmel prepared " compositions " for prizes, of which he was one of the committee of award. One of the pieces, not then known to be hers, was noticed as far superior to the rest ; but the ma- turity of thought and style displayed in it led him to doubt its having been written by any of the pupils, and the prize was, on this account, adjudged to another piece. The gratification of this indirect compliment to its merit amply consoled her for the loss, and an extra prize was privately conferred upon her, as a compensa- tion. Fannie's attention was first effectively awa- kened to the subject of religion in the spring of 1849, when she was eleven years old. A work of grace was then enjoyed in Mt. Carmel, in which a considerable number of the youth were embraced. She has left on record the fol- lowing account of her experience at this time, having, like Elizabeth, commenced a private journal of her life immediately after Abbie's death, and, evidently, in imitation of her ex- ample. The commencement of my religious impres- sions I owe, under God, to my mothers prayers. Often, when I was quite small, and slept in her HER CONVERSION. 181 room, I would be awakened by her voice ; and, as I listened to her and my father in earnest prayer for their children, I wept in silence, and felt that I ought to love God. Alas ! when morning came, I forgot those feelings in play, and was as thoughtless as ever. Yet those im- pressions have never been wholly effaced. About three years ago it pleased God to pour out his Holy Spirit upon this community, and I then hoped that I obtained an interest in Christ. I believe that the weekly inquiry meetings which were held at the house of our pastor, and the little afternoon prayer meetings with Mrs. W., were blessed to my soul. I felt then a new life within me, and longed to do some- thing for the cause of my Saviour. But as the interest subsided I was, in a measure, drawn back to the world, and I grieve to say that I can recall seasons spent in the closet in which I had no enjoyment, but prayer was a cold and heartless exercise. Thanks be to God that he did not cut me off from his favor, but has, I hope, led me by my failures to see my own weakness, and trust alone in him. God grant that I may never more go astray. These " afternoon prayer meetings " were occasions of much interest. They were attended 182 THE SISTERS. by the young girls of the village, many of whom in turn, led in prayer. The propriety of her language, and the glow and fervor of her feel- ings in these exercises will never be forgotten. Often, likewise, did the pupils of the school remain, after dismission, for a prayer meeting by themselves. A lady residing in the house where the school was temporarily held, says that she frequently overheard these children at their devotions, and was much impressed with the earnestness and solemnity with which they were conducted. The death of Abbie exerted a very marked influence upon Fannie. It led to a new conse- cration of herself to God, and awakened a strong desire to imitate one who had so beauti- fully exemplified the power and blessedness of religion. Her private journal was then com- menced, and continued for about a year, till she was called to follow the dear departed through a similar scene of triumph to her rest. This journal, with a few letters to her friends, will exhibit, with peculiar interest, her religious character and history during this period. Saturday, Aug. 14, 1852. I have been some time considering what I believe to be my duty, if I have any reason to GOVERNMENT OF TEMPER. 183 think myself a child of God. I am desirous to unite with his people, but have had misgivings lest I should fall short of my profession. I wish to fill sister A.'s place, not only in the family, but in the church ; and though this I feel to be impossible, yet I may by divine assistance do something. I think her place ought not to be vacant over even one communion. One reason that influences me strongly to this important step is that I think it may be easier for me to speak to others on the subject of their salvation. If I know my own heart, I do desire to be the means of converting some souls, for as yet I have done nothing in the vineyard of the Lord. 18th. Oh, when shall I learn to govern my temper and set a watch over my tongue ! I have hoped that I should so fill sister A.'s place as in some measure to lessen 'ma's and sister's grief at her removal, but I am afraid that as they see my perverseness, they will feel more and more the want of her kind and gentle in- fluence upon the family circle. I do earnestly desire to overcome this evil temper, and the sins which so easily beset me, and live a life of true devotedness to Christ, but it seems, at times, as if Satan had dominion over me. "Am I his or am I not?" 20th. Yesterday morning my mother and my- 184 THE SISTERS. self visited my sister's grave, after which I called on C.j and said a few words to her upon the im- portance of making her peace with God. I do not know the state of her mind, but she seemed quite tender, and I feel that I ought to do all in my power to lead her to Christ. We have been bosom companions for more than three years, and have been in the habit of confiding to each other what we would to none else ; and now if we were both Christians, we might be a great help to each other, and be the humble instru- ments of leading some of our impenitent friends to Christ. God, help me to be faithful. Soon after, she addressed to this young friend the following note : DEAR C. I am obliged to stay at home from school to-day. But I have something to say to you which for some time I have felt it my duty to say, but have not had courage. Have you yet given yourself in sweet submission to Christ ? I hope you have, but know not. I feel, or at least hope, that I have some interest in Christ. We have long been, I trust, friends in a worldly sense, but have we been united by the love of God ? I have long prayed for your conversion, but I fear that I have not lived as I ought, and LETTER TO C. 185 that I have done wrong in neglecting to express to you these feelings of my heart. As I love you and desire your happiness, I beg you to consider these things. You know that ? during the last revival, some of the girls who were seeking to become children of God, met at Mrs. W.'s and had a little prayer meeting, and afterwards we met by ourselves after school, I think, once a week. I found that these were a great benefit to me, and I trust to others that attended them ; and I have been thinking whether we might not find it profitable thus to meet Wednesdays and Fridays to pray for each other, and for those around us. I pray that you may become a humble, active Christian. I do not say this because I feel capa- ble of leading you to Jesus. Par from it. But I say it in love, and ask you to go to him who can render all needed assistance. It is hard for me thus to write, but as it is written in love, I hope you will receive it kindly and admit Christ into your heart. Yours, for ever, FANNIE. 26th. I have attended the prayer meeting this evening, and know not when I have enjoyed it so much. I called for M. to go with me, and as A. was there, they both went. I intend to 186 THE SISTERS. make a practice of getting some one to accom- pany me every week. 29th. To-day brother S. and myself were ex- amined for admission to the church. I thank God that he put it into S.'s heart to come for- ward with me. Oh, may we not be deceived, but set such an example before our companions, and make such efforts for their salvation as shall lead them to see that we have been with Jesus ! Sept. 1. M. P. came yesterday to spend a day or two with us, and I was not permitted last evening such a season of retirement as I usually have. Although I did not neglect my private duties, yet I was not alone where I could pour out my whole soul to God feeling that no eye but his beheld me. But this morning I have stolen away from her and my cousin, for a little while, and am now alone with my God. Oh, blessed privilege of prayer ! I do feel that there is no employment I love so well. In the few enjoyments of this world, there is nothing that can satisfy the longings of a thirsty soul, but here I can pour out my heart to God, feeling that he will hear and bless beyond all that I can ask or think. And this room seems to shed a hallowed influence on my soul, for it leads me to think of our dear Abbie and her glorious em- ployments in heaven. Since her death, most of PROFESSION OF RELIGION. 187 my seasons of retirement nave been spent here, and I feel that I do enjoy them. 8th. Cousin E. went home last Saturday and I accompanied her, but came back this morning. I had a very pleasant visit, yet I am glad to be at home, for here I can come to the throne of grace at any time without interruption. Before retiring for the night we had some precious seasons of prayer together, and in the morning I arose before the rest, that I might have some time to be alone. These seasons I enjoyed more than any other part of my visit. 12th. This day has been one of peculiar inter- est to my soul. I could not attend church this morning on account of the storm, as I have a bad cold, but I enjoyed a precious season of commu- nion with God. Went in the afternoon, and S. and myself publicly professed our faith in Christ. It was with peculiarly interesting feelings that I took this important step. When I think that I am to occupy the seat at the table of the Lord which has been left vacant by my dear departed sister, I feel that my responsibilities are indeed great. She was a valuable member of the church, and I ought by every means in my power to fill her place. God helping me, I will try. 17th. I have commenced to take charge of the 188 THE SISTERS. younger department of E.'s school. I have now but eight pupils, but I love to teach them, and I pray for grace to teach them not only to im- prove their minds but their hearts. I have great need to watch carefully and constantly my con- duct, for I have taken the vows of God upon me, and others are looking to see whether there is really any difference between me and them. 31st. My heart is overflowing with love to God for all his mercies towards me. Our prayer meeting was held last evening. A. and E. came up from school in order to attend it, and passed the night with me. I felt that then was the time to speak with A. upon the concerns of her soul. She was very much affected, and told me that she had never felt so before. I prayed with her and it was a long time before she could rise from her knees. She said she wanted to give her heart to Christ, but she did not know how. I could only point her to Jesus and com- mend her to God. We went to meeting. She said she enjoyed it very much, for she felt it was jusi what she needed, and yet she did not feel Christ to be her Saviour. We knelt in prayer joined by E. This time A. tried to pray, and her prayer I trust was answered. Some fifteen or twenty minutes after we retired she whis- pered to me, " I think I do now feel the love of PRIVATE DEVOTION. 189 Christ in my heart." Oh, what joyful news was this ! We awoke very early in the morning and her first words were, " Oh, I am so happy, my wonder is that I could have lived so long in sin ! " She has indeed appeared to-day like a changed person. E. says that her own mind has been more than usually interested in religion and she wants to come to Christ, but something is in the way. Lord, remove this " something/ 7 and make her truly thine.* So numerous at this time were the family at home, that Fannie, as did Abbie at a former period, found great difficulty in securing the needful privacy for her hours of devotion. This will explain the following extract. What can be more touching than a young girl of fourteen recording such sad lamentations that she can find no where a place for undisturbed retirement and prayer ? Oct. 18. Oh that I might have a place where *The young ladies here spoken of have now, we trust, been reunited to her who so ardently sought their salvation. A. from this time ap- peared a decided Christian and was soon after received to the church. She subsequently fell a victim to that same scourge of our climate, con- sumption, and died in the spring of 1858 Her death was eminently peaceful and happy E too, died of the same disease and on the very same week. In her sickness, it is believed that the " something " which had so long kept her from Christ was removed, and her last hours were cheered by his presence and support. 190 THE SISTERS. I could go and commune with God and know that I should not be interrupted ! After dear sister Abbie died I felt that I could get nearest to God in her room, and loved to go there for prayer, but I was obliged to give up that sacred place. I then went to the carriage house, but this I could not long do unobserved, and I next resorted to the north chamber. Here for a time I was not interrupted, and I had just begun to be thankful for the privilege, when even this was taken from me. This made my tears flow, and it seemed as if my last refuge was forbidden me. My mother has spoken to me recently for being late at breakfast. I know I ought to be punctual, but I do not feel as if I wanted break- fast till I have first thanked God for his protec- tion and besought his guidance ; and the morn- ings are so short that I have no time for this before breakfast. I am going to ask 'ma to wake me in the morning as soon as she rises, and at that hour I hope I can have the north chamber. Nov. 13. Have been very anxious to go to the city that I might purchase some tracts for distribution. To-day was enabled to do so. I spent two or three hours at the Depository very pleasantly. I ask God's blessing upon these tracts, and on all my endeavors to do good, and desire to be more faithful in duty hereafter. ORDINATION OF REY. MR. T. 191 15th. What can I do to save the souls around me ? Something must be done, and WHAT CAN I DO? Jan. 5. I have just retired to my room to review the scenes of this day, so full of solemn interest. Rev. Mr. T. has to-day been ordained as the pastor of this people ; and how thankful we ought to be that we are again granted so rich a blessing. Never did I attend a service so interesting, and so well calculated to make us all feel the responsibilities devolving upon us. May the services of this day and the labors of our beloved pastor be a savor of life unto life to multitudes of undying souls. The following will serve to show her fidelity to herself in discerning and correcting her faults. March 1. I have just been unkind to E. D. (her younger brother.) Oh, when shall I learn to govern this wicked temper ? I do not enough consider what an influence I am exerting over my little brothers. I have asked God to forgive me. I will ask the same of E. D., and endeavor in the strength of Christ not to give way to this infirmity again. DEAR E. D. I am very sorry that I was so unkind to you, I have been praying God to 192 THE SISTERS. forgive me and I trust he has washed away my sin. And now I want to ask if you will forgive me, and Christ helping me I will try to be kinder and better in future. God sees all that we do, and knows all our thoughts. I wish we could all love and serve God always who has sent his Son to die for us sinners. Will you forgive me ? Prom your wicked, but sorry sister, FANNIE. March 21. I left a note for C. to-day, in which I urged upon her the necessity of coming to Jesus. I know that I can effect nothing of my- self, but I pray for the blessing of God upon it, and do hope that she will be brought to him. Monday morning. MY BEAR C.: Oh that I could express to you the feelings I have had this morning of love to your undying soul ! This lovely morning reminds me of the time when the saintly spirit of our Abbie winged its flight to heaven. I have been reviewing, with sad pleasure, those last days that she spent here ; and, as I think how she was enabled to bear with such Chris- tian fortitude and patience all her sufferings, and soar, with faith and holy joy, above this world, I long to possess, and have others pos- LETTER TO C. 193 sess, the same blessed hope. Nor have I for- gotten those words, which she uttered with so much earnestness, " Oh ! do tell them all, tell every body of the love of Jesus, and urge them to flee, without delay, to him their only hope. 77 Will you not come now, dear C., and find in Christ those joys which you can have no where else ? Your neglected Saviour has long borne with you, and will you longer refuse his prof- fered mercy ? Will you reject the Lord, who bought you with his own Uoodj and still showers unnumbered blessings along your path ? Oh ! I ask you to consider the debt of love you owe to him, and grieve him no longer by despising his glorious offers. May there be joy in heaven over another soul saved by the matchless grace of the Redeemer, is the constant and earnest prayer of your affectionate companion, FANNIE.* * Even as we now write, C. has been called away. The faithful coun- sels and prayers of her young friend were not in vain. She yielded her heart to the Saviour, and to great natural sweetness of disposition added the yet higher graces of piety. In the summer of 1858 she grad uated with honor at the Packer Institute, in Brooklyn, N. Y., and came home with a slight cough, which, alas! speedily ripened into that fatal malady which bears away so many of the young and beautiful to the grave Her death was more than peaceful, it was triumphant. It would be difficult to say whether the influence of " the sisters " upon their pupils and companions was more marked in teaching them how to live, or to die ! 13 194 THE SISTERS. March 25. In reviewing my diary I find so many resolutions made and broken, and renewed and re-broken, that I hardly dare to make any more. But, if I know my own heart, I desire to live nearer to Christ, to imbibe his spirit, and to follow him to the end. Do thou help me, God, trusting in thee, and knowing that with- out thee I am nothing, solemnly to resolve, 1. To trample the world and self under my feet, and endeavor to place God supreme upon the throne of my heart. 2. To pray more earnestly for the welfare of Zion, and especially for the dear souls that are perishing around me ; and to wrestle with God daily for a revival of his work in this place. 3. To strive, from day to day, to make ad- vances in holiness, and do something for God's glory, and to ask myself every night what record the past day has carried into eternity. 4. To endeavor so to demean myself that the world shall " take knowledge of me that I have been with Jesus. 7 ' 5. To endeavor to overcome the secret sins of my heart, such as pride, envy, &c. Yea, to pray, and strive, and wrestle, till they are en- tirely rooted out. 6. To keep the end of life constantly in view, and be daily preparing for it, so that when COMPLETION OF HER FIFTEENTH YEAR. 195 death shall come ; to call me home, he may not be an unwelcome messenger. These resolutions I will renew every day ; and, in the strength of God, for I have none of my own, I will endeavor to keep them. So help me, God. April 13. Have to-day completed my fifteenth year ; and, as I look back on my sinful life, I can not but wonder at the goodness of God in sparing me, that I might repent of my sins and turn to him. Although I have not made much advancement in religion, I do trust that I have given myself to God, to be his for ever. I have to-day visited my sister's grave, and placed upon it a bunch of the first wild flowers of spring, which I plucked, a few days since, from the mountain side. It recalls to my mind her words of holy trust, " I shall very soon be where flowers will never fade." Heavenly Father, help me to commence this year with new purposes of heart to serve thee through life, and be prepared for a happy death, and for an entrance into that world of light and purity whither our beloved one has gone. May 2. Monday morning. heavenly Father, help me, by thy Holy Spirit, to live this week more devoted to thee. Let the love of Christ be shed into my heart, and let the world have 196 THE SISTERS. no more dominion over me. This I ask for Jesus 7 sake. Amen. 17th. Elizabeth has gone to-day to Plymouth. As I think of my dear sisters, who have done so much for me, and feel that I am left here without them, I can not refrain my tears. Such a sense of loneliness has crept over me as I never felt before. I don't know but this is wrong ; if so, God, forgive me. May I be enabled to trust thee, and feel that all my trials, if rightly improved, will work for my good. And Oh ! make me more faithful to my dear mother, and endeavor to lessen her sorrows by my readiness to do my whole duty. My trust is alone in thee, without thee I can do nothing. May 25. I have just been viewing the twi- light of the lovely Sabbath eve. How should such a scene lead our thoughts to heaven, and to him who reigns over all. How does it im- press us with his grandeur and power. "Would that I could always feel as I do at such a time ! Oh that the Lord would pour out his Spirit upon us and revive his work, and that there might be a great and general ingathering into his garner ! Lord, remember my dear little brothers, and bring them now, while young, into thy fold ; and may we all meet, an un- broken family not one lost in heaven. LETTER TO A. 197 To A. MY DEAR A. : I am very glad to hear that it is still your determination to live for Christ, and it is my daily prayer for you that you may not waver or be led astray from him. It seems to me that you ought, if you love Christ, to feel it your duty and high privilege to avow pub- licly your love for him, and partake of the em- blems of his body and tlood which were offered for our sins. I do not feel capable of advising you, for it is a solemn matter, resting between God and your own soul ; but I ask you to give it your most prayerful consideration, and decide it as you believe God would have you do. In my own experience I think it has been a shield to me many times, to remember that the vows of God are upon me, and that I am compassed about with a great cloud of witnesses, who are looking to see if there is really any love of Jesus in my heart. Oh that I could always remember this ! Believe me, as ever, yours, FANNIE. July 11. I have this morning enjoyed a precious season of communion with God. I trust, (and hope I am not deceived,) that my sins are forgiven, and that I am accepted of 198 THE SISTERS. God through Christ. I have been thinking of the redeemed spirits who have gone before us, and have been reading some beautiful hymns about their happiness, and I feel as if I could almost wish to go and be with them. Oh that through faith in Jesus, I may know assuredly that " God hath laid up in heaven for me A crown which can not fade, The righteous Judge, at that great day, Shall place it on my head ! " Dear child of God her desires were nearer fulfillment than she thought. A few more short months of languishing and weakness, yet of delightful peace and joy, and that crown will have been attained. The flower that drooped so early, amid its opening beauty and fragrance, shall be transplanted to bloom in the celestial paradise for ever ! SICKNESS. 199 CHAPTEE X. Fannie- Sickness and death. IN the latter part of July appeared the first symptom of that disease which was so soon to remove our Fannie from earth. During a visit to Elizabeth, in Plymouth, it was noticed that she had a cough, the effect, it was supposed, of a slight cold recently taken. This cough, instead* of subsiding, lingered from week to week, notwithstanding the vigorous use of the remedies which are usual in such cases, and the quick eye of maternal watchfulness took the alarm. Her strength very soon began to fail, and her countenance to take on, almost imper- ceptibly, those changes which reveal so surely the presence of the destroyer within. These symptoms were at length mentioned to her by her mother, who expressed her deep concern for them, and her fear that she, too, had not long to remain below. How will this youthful disciple, looking out on life in all the freshness of her young hopes 200 THE SISTERS. and expectations, receive such an intimation as this? In her diary, under date of Aug. 7, she writes thus : I have not been well for a week, in conse- quence of a severe cold, which has caused me to cough almost constantly, and I have but very lit- tle strength, so that I shall be obliged to remain away from church to-day. I have slept with 'ma the past two nights, and she told me that she thought my cough was something more than a cold, and she was afraid that my life would be short. I was surprised, for I had sup- posed it to be only a cold, but I trust I feel resigned to the will of God. I trust that he has forgiven my sins through the blood of the Lamb, and I know that " He doeth all things well." I wish to understand clearly my situa- tion. I do not want to be deceived, and I trust the Lord will prepare me for all he has in store for me. If he has a work for me on earth to perform, I pray that I may be enabled to per- form it aright ; but, if he designs to take me away from the sins and temptations of this life, may I be fitted to shine as one of his chosen ones in heaven. Only let me be prepared for health or sickness, life or death, and I can com- ELIZABETH'S RETURN. 201 mit myself into the hands of God, feeling that he doeth right in all things. Elizabeth closed the first term of her school August 10. She knew that Fannie had had a severe cold, and some cough, but little sus- pected the change which two short weeks had wrought. Hastening home with fondest antici- pations, she ran into the room where Fannie, wrapped in her white loose dress, was sitting by the window. One glance at that dress, and the pale countenance which met her gaze, so vividly recalling the recollection of Abbie in her sickness, revealed to her the whole sad reality, and snatching hastily one kiss, and one pressure of the hand, she rushed to another room, and threw herself upon the bed in a burst of uncontrollable grief. It was thenceforth her special care, during her five weeks' vacation, to attend to the invalid. All that the tenderest sisterly affection could devise was done. To gather for her the freshest flowers, to prepare the nicest delicacies, to ride with her, and to guard against every exposure, were her occupation and delight. She was soon rewarded with the signs of improvement. The cough abated, strength seemed to return, and at the expiration of the vacation Elizabeth 202 THE SISTERS. resumed her school, believing that the danger was nearly past. Arrangements were even made, in case an assistant in the school should be needed, for Fannie to take that place. Alas for human hopes ! On that very day Fannie wrote in her journal for the last time ! Sept. 14. I have for the past five weeks been laid aside by sickness, and been obliged to give up writing in my diary, although I often wished it. I desire to recount the loving kindness of my heavenly Father in all the mercies which he has bestowed upon me. Such kind parents to care for me, brothers and a sister to be with me, and thousands of blessings which many do not enjoy. Sister has returned to P. to-day. I feel that I shall miss her greatly, but the Lord is with me and I shall not be alone ; and I hope and trust she will be more useful there. Sabbath before last I rode to church, and attended the communion. I was much fatigued when I came home, but my soul, I trust, was refreshed. I have been rather worse for a few days past, but feel a little better to-day, though I am very weak and continue to cough some. I know not the designs of the Lord concerning me, but I think I feel resigned to his holy will. Oh that I may continually live prepared, so that ADVANCING DISEASE. 203 when death does come I may enter joyfully the dark valley which leads to the heavenly man- sions above ! It is needless to recount the well-known stages of that dread disease which was now rapidly wearing away her life. For a time it seemed probable that she might recover; but, as the cool autumnal evenings drew on, she began to have daily chills, and soon the fatal hec- tic burned upon her cheek, life's last frail flower, that blooms to deck the beautiful for the grave. At Thanksgiving her eldest brother being about to depart, to spend the winter at the South, had a long, affecting interview with her, and they exchanged with each other the part- ing farewell. About the same time she was removed into that beloved south chamber, which had been hallowed to her as the dying room of Abbie. It had no gloom for her, but when the suggestion was made she responded joyfully, " Oh ! yes, I love that room, I would rather be there than any where else." The following brief note was addressed by Fannie, in her weakness, to her second brother: 204 THE SISTERS. Dec. 23, 1853. DEAR BROTHER : I have failed a good deal since you left home, and can scarcely guide my pencil, but must write to you, since it is uncer- tain whether we meet again on earth. I feel that the scenes of this life will soon be over with me and I shall enter into rest ; and how pleasing the thought that so many of our family are God's children. Persevere, dear brother, in your Christian course, and you shall at last re- ceive a crown of life which fadeth not away. Your affectionate sister, FANNIE. Fannie had been very much attached to the Sabbath School, especially to the class of which she was teacher, One of her last attempts at writing was for the purpose of sending them a message of love, and entreaty that they would, without delay, secure an interest in Christ. Be- fore, however, it was finished, her strength was exhausted and she was obliged to leave it, sim- ply adding " &c." The following is the note : MY DEAR FRIENDS : Although I can scarcely guide my pen, yet feeling as I do for your dear immortal souls, I can not forbear addressing a word to those whom I have so long known and ELIZABETH'S JOURNAL. 205 loved, and with whom I have so long associated. I long to have you all become the devoted fol- lowers of Jesus, and show to the world your determination to live for his service, &c. The second term of the Seminary closed Dec. 22, and Elizabeth hastened home to take her place by the sick bed. Henceforth, as at the death of Abbie, it will be our privilege to read the record of the last hours as written by her while watching and waiting for the departure. Mt. Carmel, Dec. 25. This is the last Sab- bath of the year, and, in all probability, the last our dear Fannie will spend on earth. She seems to be sinking rapidly, and says that she shall continue but little longer. I had expected that she would go down in the spring, but was wholly unprepared to find that the time of her departure is so near. I can scarcely wish, how- ever, to have her live to suffer as Abbie did. Oh how much reason have w T e to rejoice and bless God that she is so well prepared to go ! Fan- nie was poorly fitted to buffet the trials of life ; and, should her days be prolonged, she would experience many conflicts. When I realize that I shall soon be left without a sister, it seems so hard, but it is better to have sisters in heaven 206 THE SISTEES. than sisters on earth, because they are there safe in the arms of a precious Saviour, who will be to them more than all earthly friends. TO HER BROTHER S. DEAR BROTHER : On Sunday Fannie seemed so very feeble that we scarcely expected she would continue through the day. She lay with her eyes closed and took almost nothing, but the following night she rested better. She seemed pleased with your letter, and says she is so glad S. is a Christian, for the separation will be short, and we shall soon meet again. How much we have to be grateful for ! What is our affliction, compared with what it would have been had we not abundant reason to be- lieve that she is prepared for a home above. On Sabbath evening Fannie wished the chil- dren to be called in, and gave them each a little keepsake. Her smallest picture, (the moonlight scene,) her gold ring, and one of her books she wished given to you. She feels that her worldly affairs are now all arranged, and is calmly and patiently awaiting her summons home. Death is to her disarmed of all his terrors, for she knows that her Saviour's presence will light up the dark valley, and that heaven's portals will SUFFERING. 207 be open to receive her. Blessed hope ! is she not to be envied ? LIZZIE. Jan. 8. Our dear Fannie is still spared to us ? although two weeks since we had no thought that she would continue so long. Some days she has been comparatively comfortable, and often it has seemed as if she could live but little longer. Her principal suffering arises from the soreness occasioned by having lain so long in one posture, and from her swollen limbs. On Friday morning we supposed her dying. About 4 o'clock 'ma lay down, and I soon after observed that F. breathed with great difficulty and opened a door to give her more air. She said, " I shall live but little longer, I want to see them all." I immediately called the family, and as they came in she just whispered, " Come, Lord Jesus, come quickly." "We heard that strange gurgling sound in her throat peculiar to a dying person, and doubted not that all would soon be over. But after a fit of coughing she revived, and 7 ma asked her how she felt when she thought herself dying. She replied that " she had not a fear she felt it would be better to depart and be with Christ." We know not how long she may be continued to us, but it seems that she must soon depart. 208 THE SISTERS. How blessed to believe that she will be taken home to glory. There she will meet two of our dear family who have gone before her, never to be again separated. And oh, the joyous greetings of sister and brother dear, As within that blessed world above our loved one shall appear ! A happy, happy angel band, they'll walk the golden street And cast their crowns of victory before the Saviour's feet. A golden harp he '11 give her, and a robe of spotless white, Emblem of Heaven's purity, shall clothe her spirit bright. Then every sorrow shall be past, and all her pains and fears, For Jesus, with his own kind hand, shall wipe away all tears. We would not, sister, keep thee here, when such a home above Is waiting to receive thee our weary, wounded dove ; But we '11 thankfully resign thee to joys no tongue can tell, And we'll bless our heavenly Father who doeth all things well. Wednesday evening, Jan. 11, 1854. " 'T is finished, the conflict is past ! The heaven-born spirit has fled ! " Dear, dear Fannie. She sleeps in Jesus, and is clothed now in the white robes of heaven ! On Sunday she had two attacks of bleeding at the nose, and on Monday morning another which LAST MOMENTS. 209 continued three hours, though not very violent. Monday night she slept quietly, but was very restless and uneasy through the day. About six on Tuesday evening she commenced bleed- ing at the lungs when she coughed. I sat up with her alone, but as the hemorrhage increased I called 7 ma, about eleven. She coughed for nearly an hour without cessation, then was able to take a little tea and cracker with some pre- served peaches. She said, " How nice these peaches are," and admired a little bouquet which Mrs. M. had sent her. Many times in looking at those flowers she said, " beautiful, beautiful ! " After a little the coughing and bleeding com- menced again, and she said, " How weak I am getting, my days are almost numbered." At one, we perceived a change and hastened to call 'pa. She said, " I am going. Lord Jesus, receive my spirit." Then soon after, " My love to all, good-by." Soon she revived again, and said to us many precious things which we can never forget. She earnestly entreated her little brothers who were weeping by her bed to prepare for death. " Boys," said she, "you must meet me in heaven, love the Sabbath School, learn your lessons well, and try to understand them." 7 Pa repeated the verse, " On Jordan's rugged banks I stand," and 14 210 THE SISTERS. as he uttered the last line, she exclaimed, " I Ve no possessions here." 'Ma asked, " Would you, if you could, come back to enjoy worldly posses- sions ? " " Oh ! no," she quickly replied, " you Jcnoiv I would not." As we stood almost broken-hearted around her bed, she looked up and said, " Weep not for me." 'Ma asked if her Saviour was still precious to her. She replied, " Extremely so," and added, "'While on his breast I lean my head And breathe my life out sweetly there." She seemed to gather all her strength to empha- size the word " sweetly," and as she spoke her features were lighted up with a holy, heavenly smile, such as none but angels wear. Afterwards she sent a message to brother S. " I want him not to forsake the Sabbath School, and to attend the prayer meeting." When asked if she had not a message for E. also, she said, " yes, I believe he is " the rest her lips were una- ble to utter. When the clock struck two, she whispered, " One hour nearer home ! " She seemed to breathe with some difficulty, and 'ma said, " Je- sus has suffered death for you." She replied, " I do n't suffer." She continued to breathe till nearly four, when heaven's portals opened to DEATH. FUNERAL. 211 receive her, and without a struggle she was at rest. Friday, 13th. Brother S. came home last night. He started immediately on receiving notice of our bereavement. I am very glad to see him so calm, for I expected he would be overcome with grief. He and F. have always been to- gether, and loved each other so well. He has gone this afternoon to procure flowers for the coffin. I hope he will succeed, for she loved them fondly. She has now.gone where are more beautiful flowers than any we know on earth, herself a bud of early promise fairer than them all. I can not weep for her to-day. The foun- tain of my tears is dried up. Her features, cold in death, yet wearing a heavenly smile such as angels wear, forbid us to weep. Sweet, sweet sister. ? Tis hard to think of laying thee in the cold damp ground, but we know that only the casket will there repose, while the gem will sparkle in the Saviour's diadem for ever. Saturday evening, 14th. Our dear Fannie is sleeping beside our sainted Abbie, her spirit rests in her Saviour's bosom. Precious thought! An angel of light, her home in Paradise ! Oh, why should I not love heaven ! Why not love him who folds my sisters in his arms and car- ries them in his bosom ! 212 THE SISTERS. CHAPTER XL Improvement of affliction Elizabeth's return to her school Renewed efforts of usefulness Perplexity as to duty Determines to relin- quish her charge Close of term. WORN with protracted labor in school and by the sick-bed, and pressed with the grief of her second bereavement, Elizabeth was unfitted to return at once to her post in the Seminary. Pro- vision having been made for a temporary supply in her absence, she was permitted to devote a few weeks to quiet and rest at home. But though weeks of rest, they were not weeks of idleness. First, as usual, were many faithful communings with herself, and new plans and purposes of spiritual advancement, then earnest and affectionate correspondence with friends, describing the triumphs of grace which she had witnessed, and filled with tender appeals to them to make similar attainments in preparation for heaven. In the sorrowing family circle at home too, she had a work of comfort to perform; and they only who experienced it can tell how gently CONSOLATIONS. 213 it was done, shedding upon it the sweet light of her own chastened peace and joy, and beguiling by redoubled affection the loss which had wrung all their hearts. Jan. 16. Oh 7 it does one good sometimes to weep ! Tears relieve the overburdened heart, and it can not be wrong to shed them. Jesus wept at the grave of his friend, and may we not do the same ? I do not repine that God has taken my sisters from the world, and I would not recall them, still when I think of our irreparable loss, I cannot but feel lonely. It is to me a loss which never can be made up; there is a vacancy in my aching heart which none can ever fill. None ! Ah, yes Jesus, my Saviour, will be to me more than all the world beside if I will look away to him. Blessed Saviour, thou hast sus- tained me, wilt thou still continue to bless? Make me more holy, more entirely conformed to thy divine will. Let me suffer patiently all thy chastisements, and kiss the rod which afflicts- me, saying as thou didst, " Even so, Father, for so it seemeth good in thy sight ! " 20th. Another week has passed, and with what fruit to my soul? Have I advanced in holiness ? Do I love the Saviour more ? Have I done any thing for him ? I determined to 214 THE SISTERS. converse with some of Fannie 's companions, but none of them have been here, and I have felt little like going out. If I can not see them I will write, for I feel that I am doing nothing for Christ, and I want to be active in his service continually. I do n't know what to do about returning to Plymouth. They have written for me several times, but I can not leave my dear mother yet. I should rejoice to know that the Spirit of God is striving again with souls there, and many are pressing into the kingdom. Oh that my prayers for them were so earnest and fervent that the blessing could not be withheld ! TO FANNIE'S s. SCHOOL CLASS. Sabbath eve, Jan. 22, 1854. MY DEAR YOUNG FRIENDS : The enclosed note,* written with a trembling hand, and left unfinished, is the last effort of our now sainted Fannie to do something for your souls. She did not design to send it to you in its present form, but, three or four days before her death, asked for pen and paper to copy it and add something more. She had, however, scarcely strength to speak, and we knew it would be impossible for *See page 204. LETTER TO FANNIE ? S S. S. CLASS. 215 her to guide a pen. What else she would have said to you eternity alone can reveal. But is not this sufficient, coming, as it does, from her dying bed, almost from her open grave ? Her heart yearned over you ; she could not endure the thought of an eternal separation, but would have you meet her in heaven. With her dying breath she testified to the value of religion. . . Would you, my dear friends, be prepared for such a joyful departure, such a full and abun- dant entrance into the mansions above ? Then, while life and health remain, prepare for it. Delay not until a sick, a dying hour, when the body is racked with pain, and reason, perhaps, is clouded, this work, which demands every en- ergy of your souls. Shall Jesus, your slighted Saviour, who has purchased redemption by his agony and death, sue in vain for admittance to your hearts? Ever since you were capable of distinguishing be- tween right and wrong he has been knocking there, until " his locks are wet with the dews of the night/' and you have yet refused him ! But beware lest the time come when he will depart, and then you will seek him in vain. Do not, I beseech you, slight his offers longer. Receive him now, and your pardon will be sealed in his precious blood. " Whoso cometh 216 THE SISTERS. unto me 1 will in no wise cast out." He is faithful to his promises, and to his grace do I commend you. With many prayers that you may come to a wise decision, I am Yours, very affectionately, E. H. DlCKERMAN. With similar earnestness she wrote to the young ladies of her school in Plymouth. Well is it remembered how solemn was the impres- sion made by it; and when, at the request of the Superintendent, the letter was read before the Sabbath School also, there were few dry eyes of either pupils or teachers present. Mt. Carmel, Jan. 29, 1854. MY VERY DEAR YOUNG FRIENDS : You have already heard of the sore bereavement which I have recently experienced in the death of an only sister. Thinking that you might be inter- ested, and perhaps profited, by learning some- thing of a life which has terminated in such a triumphant death, I send you a few particulars. Fannie had a peculiarly ardent temperament, and, when a little child, was sometimes, if irri- tated, very passionate ; but at the early age of eleven years she became, as we hope, a child LETTER TO PUPILS OF THE SEMINARY. 217 of God. From that time she maintained a con- tinual warfare against the evil propensities of her nature until she became, in spirit and tem- per, like a lamb. So complete was her victory, that during her long and tedious confinement of five months, not an impatient murmur escaped her lips. She was uniformly cheerful and happy, reposing herself with entire confi- dence in the hands of her Saviour, knowing that he would do all things well. How often have I heard her, when in health, in the secrecy of her closet pleading for the entire sanctifica- tion of her own soul, and the salvation of her young companions. Sometimes, in the fervor of her devotions, especially when praying for her friends, she seemed completely lost, as if carried away into the immediate presence of Jehovah. Those prayers have been answered in the conversion of some whom she dearly loved, and I can not but hope they will be fol- lowed by others, although her voice is now hushed in the grave. [After a description of the last hours and of the dying scene, in language similar to that already given from her journal, she proceeds :] How many of you, my young friends, are pre- pared for such a death as hers? Six months since her prospects for a long and happy life 218 THE SISTERS. were as fair as any of yours, now she has passed away, and the record of her short life (less than sixteen years) is sealed up against the great day of account. If you would die the death of the righteous, you have a work to do. Some of you hope that you have just begun to serve your Maker. To you let me say, do not be content with but just entering the king- dom, with having once entertained a hope that your sins are forgiven. You can not rely upon past experience. Do not look there for your evidence of acceptance with God, but ask yourselves, What is the present state of my heart? Am I living by faith on the Son of God ? Am I advancing in the Christian course ; growing in grace day by day ? There is no such thing as remaining stationary. You are either going forward or backward; and do not forget that " he that putteth his hand to the plow, and looketh back, is not fit for the king- dom of God." Live near to your Father in prayer. Daily commune with him in secret. Ask yourselves what evidence your closets bear to your fidel- ity. You can not live without prayer and be Christians, for " Prayer is the Christian's vital breath, The Christian's native air." LETTER TO PUPILS OF THE SEMINARY. 219 Here you may at all times meet him who has never said " Seek ye me in vain ; " here you may commune with him before whom seraphs bow ; here you may obtain fresh supplies of grace for every want. If you earnestly desire his pres- ence, he will manifest himself to you as he does not to the world. Be not content to enter Christ's kingdom alone. Show to your companions, by your solicitude for them, that religion is worth pos- sessing. Let them see that there is a difference between you and the world, that you are seeking a better country, even a heavenly. Think of the promise God has given to them who labor faithfully for souls ; " They that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firma- ment, and they that turn many to righteousness, as the stars, for ever and ever." Do not follow the unworthy example of your teacher, who daily mourns her shortcomings in duty, but remem- ber that you have in Jesus a perfect pattern. Be like him, " meek and lowly/ 7 and you shall find rest to your souls. But, alas ! have I not reason to fear that some of those whom I dearly love, and for whom I am deeply solicitous, are still in the broad road to death? Can it be that any of you are ene- mies of God, who has all your lives long loved 220 THE SISTERS. you, and urged you to accept his love ? Oh ! do not presume on his goodness still longer. Grieve not away that Saviour who has been sueing for admittance to your hearts, in so many ways, and for so many years. 7 ' Per- haps even now he may be about to turn from you. Let not, I beseech you, a salvation which has been so dearly purchased, even by the blood of the Son of God, be longer slighted. If you still refuse it he will soon say of his barren tree, " Cut it down, why cumber- eth it the ground." Oh ! choose ye this day whom ye will serve. With many prayers that you may all be gath- ered into the fold of Christ, that we may all, teachers and pupils, be permitted to sit together at his right hand, I am, as ever, Very affectionately yours, B. H. DlCKERMAN. Feb. 4. I have received two very kind and affectionate letters from brother B. the past week. He entreats me to be careful of my health, and not work so hard in school as I have done. For my friends 7 sake, if not for my own, I feel that I must be more prudent; and am resolved, when I return, not to overtask myself, though it would be far more agreeable to do AT HOME. 221 this than to see any thing left undone. Miss H. writes me that the girls seem very thought- less, and she fears that some for whom we en- tertained hope have gone back to the world. I have written them a long letter, which they have, before this, received. I know that in my weakness I can do nothing to save them, but I know, too, that God often blesses human instru- mentality, and that he will hear and answer prayer. It seems to me that, when I hear from them again, souls must be inquiring. Oh that I may be more faithful to them when I return ! I can not bear that any one of them should at last perish. I want them all to belong to Christ. Have been reading a little tract this after- noon, which speaks of Christians looking too much within themselves, and not enough to Christ, to find the ground of their acceptance. I know that this has been a difficulty with me. 10th. I expected to be in Plymouth again before this, but a few days since I received a letter saying that I might remain at home another week. God orders every thing so wisely for me that I wonder I can ever distrust him. At the time fixed for my return I was very ill, and could not possibly have gone, and my anxiety was all relieved by the kind release which Mr. W. gave me. My illness is now 222 THE SISTERS. almost gone, and I trust I do feel grateful tc my heavenly Father for his sparing mercy. 17th. Plymouth. Yesterday I returned to my old sphere of labor, and once more find my- self borne down with a sense of my responsi- bilities. God alone can strengthen me for my arduous duties, and in him would I trust. Yesterday, on my way, I commenced reading a little book entitled " Christian progress." I am not satisfied with my low attainments. I desire to make progress, and am resolved that henceforth my watchword shall be " onward." I feel very sad this morning, as I think of ? ma's loneliness. Evening. Mr. W. has made an arrangement with Miss C., (who had had charge of the school in Elizabeth's absence,) to return next week, and give instruction in music. I shall then be freed from all responsibility and care in that respect, which will be a very great relief. I shall have time for seasons of retirement and communion with God, without which I can not grow in grace. I am determined, in my Saviour's strength, to strive .more earnestly for heaven. Oh that, as my day is, so my strength may be ! Rarely can a happier family circle be found than that which now filled the Seminary man- THE SEMINARY FAMILY. 223 sion at P. Elizabeth, with her Assistant, Miss H., a spirit in every way congenial to her own, presided over the establishment ; Miss C., the accomplished daughter of a neighboring clergy- man, superintended the music ; and " the good Miss H." had charge of the domestic depart- ment. About fifteen pupils boarded in the institution, and from twenty to thirty others attended as day pupils. The regulations were systematic and strict, but the administration was so kind that they received a cheerful com- pliance ; and teachers and pupils were alike bound to each other with a degree of unaffected love, which has very seldom, if ever, been sur- passed. Nor can it be doubted that the spring of this happiness was, in an eminent degree, in that spirit of deep and earnest piety which presided over the whole. It was the one end and aim of Elizabeth, in taking upon her such responsibili- ties, that she might do good. She longed to win her pupils to Christ. She loved them not merely as such, but because of the worth of their souls. She prayed for them. She affec- tionately warned and counseled them, and, by every means in her power, sought to lead them to the Saviour. Yet there was no austerity of word or look. While religion was set before 224 THE SISTERS. them in example, and that so evidently that they could not but see it, it was still in its most attractive form. They saw it at home in a young heart, scarcely older than their own, a heart which had been sorely smitten, yet it was neither soured nor sad ; glowing still with all the sensibilities of youth ; quick to enjoy, and to impart enjoyment; and, while wearing the thoughtful mien of one who " walked with God/ 7 still manifesting an inward happiness as far surpassing the empty gaiety of the world- ling as it was higher in its source, and holier in its tendencies. On the first Sabbath morning after her return we find her planning and praying for her school thus : Feb. 19. Sabbath morn. I feel so anxious to do something for the spiritual good of our dear pupils. Last term many of the Sabbaths were spent by them very unprofitably, and I can not endure the thought of going on in such a way again. After all, I believe much of the sin lies at my door, for I did not strive as I ought, to interest them, but secluded myself almost en- tirely, feeling it much pleasanter to be alone, or only with my dear Miss H. Yet this, I now see, was not right; for girls must be constantly BIBLE EXERCISE. 225 engaged in something. I have this morning proposed a Bible exercise after church, with which all seemed interested and pleased. The question I have selected is this, " Will God save all who repent of their sins and seek salvation?" I will ask the young ladies to bring as many texts as they can to prove the affirmative. my Father, wilt thou bestow thy blessing, that we may all be profited by the exercises of this holy day. Let some poor, hungry, starving soul be fed to-day w T ith the bread of heaven and the water of eternal life ! ... I have just had a season of such sweet communion with my heavenly Father as I have not for several days before enjoyed. How delightful to come and trust all our interests in his hands ! It does seem to me that we shall this day be blessed ! that we shall hear some soul inquiring the way to life. Oh, how won- derful is God's love ! As I think of it this morning I could " sit and sing myself away To everlasting bliss." I do thank thee, my Father, that thou hast been pleased to manifest thyself unto me, to lift on me the light of thy countenance recon- ciled. Oh ! hide not thy face again from me. 15 226 THE SISTERS. Sabbath evening. Our Bible exercise this afternoon was quite interesting, and, I trust, profitable. The young ladies listened atten- tively to what I said after the texts were repeated, and some of them seemed very thoughtful. The question proposed for next Sabbath is, "How must we come to God if we would be accepted by him? 77 I have experienced much spiritual enjoyment to-day, and feel that the Lord has been with me. " How sweet, a Sabbath thus to spend, In hope of one that ne'er shall end ! " 22d. Wednesday morn. I have determined to revive our little prayer meetings, which we enjoyed so much last term ; and have concluded to ask the young ladies to remain after school this afternoon for that purpose. I am anxious to see the Spirit of God again present among us. Some who, we hoped, had turned from their sins, seem to have gone back again to the world. Lord, forsake them not, but give me grace to be faithful to them, and bless my hum- ble efforts to do them good. Oh ! I do desire to be more holy, to have my wicked heart purified from all sin. I am not satisfied with living at such a distance from the Giver of all my blessings. LETTER FROM HER MOTHER. 227 Evening. This afternoon I asked such of the young ladies as had any interest in a prayer meeting to remain after school. All did so, but not one of them prayed! After they left the room I could not restrain my tears, but gave way to my disappointment in a good fit of weep- ing. I can not bear to have things go on in such a cold and lifeless way. . . . Have spoken a word to Miss J., may it be blessed to her soul. 24th. Have received a letter from my dear mother, and though she does not say that she wishes I could content myself at home, I can see, from the tone of it, what are her feelings. Inclination would certainly lead me to resign my school and remain with her. I have been thinking much of it, and asking myself many times what ought I to do ? My first duty, next to God, is to my parents ; and, when I think of their loneliness, and how much I could do to promote their happiness, and to benefit my little brothers, I feel almost that I must give up my teaching and go to my dear home. We have in this extract the first allusion to an event which had been anticipated as prob- able, even before it seems to have been sug- gested to herself, her resignation as Principal. 228 THE SISTERS. The death of her sisters had left the bereaved parents under the double burden of grief and loneliness. Elizabeth's own health had been taxed to the utmost under the severe labors of her school, and of her sister's sick-room, and was now exhibiting symptoms which could not but awaken solicitude, if they did not warrant alarm. Strong, therefore, as was her attach- ment to the seminary, as a field of usefulness, and to her pupils, it will not be regarded as surprising that she at length concluded to part with them. But this determination was not hastily formed. The question was for weeks made a subject of prayer, and decided, at last, as clearly from a conviction of duty as the proposition to take charge of the school had itself formerly been. March 3. I have been quite ill since I last wrote, but am now better, and trust I feel grate- ful to my heavenly Father that he has not pros- trated me on a bed of sickness. Have been thinking much of the promise I made by my dear sister F.'s dying bed, that I would spend a season regularly, morning and evening, in medi- tation and prayer. It is sometimes impossible for me to be alone here, and there is not a place to which I can resort without interruption. ASPIRATIONS AFTER HOLINESS. 229 When Miss H. is practising I can get a few mo- ments, but then the piano is a great disturb- ance. Oh ! I must have my wayward thoughts more entirely under my control, so that they will not be disturbed by external things. There is no other way for me here, especially in the morning, to spend my time in secret prayer. I think much of my dear parents, and how kind my heavenly Father is in sparing them to me. I can not be thankful enough for this great blessing. How few parents are so worthy of the entire love and confidence of their children. 12th. Sabbath morn. I think I can truly say this morning that I am hungering and thirsting after righteousness. I desire to have my soul filled with love to my blessed Saviour. When I think of my dear angel sisters, and how perfectly happy they must be, now that they are safe from temptation, it seems as if I must burst these bonds which tie me here, and join them in their delightful worship. During the past week I have had no direct personal conversation with any impenitent per- son. Last Sabbath had a long talk with D. ; who, we hoped, last term, had given herself to God. She still thinks that she is a Christian, but says she is not advancing as she ought to be. I suggested it was because she was not 230 THE SISTERS. doing any thing for Christ, and urged her to give herself wholly to the Lord. Oh ! I do long to see these young Christians active ; to see them working Christians. God often blesses a word addressed even to the careless, and I am determined to converse with some impenitent one to-day, relying entirely upon him for guidance. I shall probably remain here but little longer, and I desire, in the short time that remains, to do much for God. Evening. Have had some conversation with B. to-day. (Interrupted.) 15th. To-night the young ladies have gone to attend the sewing society, but as I feel little like mingling in so much company, I am very glad to remain at home. How pleasant it seems to sit down in quiet, undisturbed by music and conversation. A whole hour to spend alone with God ! I can not prize it highly enough. For several days I have been in a very unhappy state of mind, dissatisfied with every thing within myself. Oh ! may I to-night find the way open again between my soul and God. I am distressed that I am causing so much trouble about the school. Mr. W. says if I leave now it will unsettle matters which are just getting where he wanted them. If I re- main, I have so little time and opportunity for DECIDES TO RESIGN. 231 secret prayer, and other closet duties, that I shall wander farther and farther from God. Besides, what can I do in a place where such an overwhelming weight of responsibility is resting upon me? Another can fill my place here, but none can be a daughter to my parents. April 2. Sabbath morn. We have been so busy and so engrossed with our preparations for examination, during the last two weeks, that I have entirely neglected my journal. Nothing of particular note has occurred in the interval, though I have fully decided to leave Plymouth, and another teacher has been secured to fill my place. May she have grace given her to act wisely, and labor faithfully for the salvation of these precious immortal souls. I bless God that he has, as I trust, made me instrumental of some good here, notwithstanding all my unfaithful- ness. My opportunities of doing good have been many and great, would that I had bet- ter improved them ! Evening. My health is such that I have thought it prudent to remain at home this even- ing, though I very much desired to attend the meeting. Miss J. is not quite well, and I ex- cused her from going out. Have had a delight- ful conversation with her. She says she has determined to take Christ as her Saviour, but 232 THE SISTERS. seems still to think her sins are too great for him to forgive. I advised her as well as I could, and she thinks she can now trust all to God. After I had talked with her for some time she burst into tears, and said, " Oh ! what shall I do when I leave here ? I shall have no one to direct me." I told her God would never forsake her, and he would be an unerring guide. She is now in her room communing with him. Oh, may she find him precious ! Father, wilt thou lift upon her the light of thy countenance. Our Bible exercises are still continued, and very pleasant. I think they are exerting a salutary influence, the young ladies seem so much more quiet and thoughtful on the Sab- bath than before they were commenced. I can but hope that the seed thus sown will, in due time, produce an abundant harvest. The school term closed on the 12th of April with a public examination and exhibition of the pupils. It was a gala day in the village. The church was decorated with evergreens, and hung with specimens of drawing and maps. The examination of the classes was interspersed with music ; and, in the evening, essays, original dialogues, songs, &c., gave a pleasing variety to the entertainment. A very large audience were EXHIBITION OF THE SEMINARY. 233 in attendance, and manifested their delighted interest in the occasion. One thing alone occurred to mar the pleasure of the evening, the arrival of the hour of separation. Their beloved teacher, who had toiled for them and prayed for them, who had so earnestly incited them to all ladylike aspirations, and, above all, to the attainment of an interest in Christ, whom they had seen smitten with her own great griefs, yet sustained under them by a power which even the most thoughtless 'felt must be frcr: heaven, that gentle and faithful teacher would be with them no more ! They gathered around her, they wept, and the part- ing words were broken with sobs, that told to many a sympathetic witness how dear she had become to them all. April 14. Once more I am in my own quiet home, which is doubly pleasant after the con- fusion of the past week. On Wednesday were our examination and exhibition. The church was densely crowded, and every thing passed off better than we had dared to hope. For the last week or two I have lived on excitement, and now, that the occasion of it is past, and the result is so entirely satisfactory, I would give God all the praise of our success. Oh, 234 THE SISTERS. how hard it was to say " good-bye " to my dear pupils ! When I told them of my intention to leave they burst into tears, and we all wept together. If I could only know that we should all meet in heaven, how happy should I be. Thanks be to God that some of them, I trust, are in the strait and narrow way. J. S. came to me the morning before I left, and I talked with her about making a profession of religion. She says that she has thought much about it, and I hope that, for her own good, she will do it, for I can not doubt that she is a Christian. She has always, since she in- dulged hope, been ready to take her part in our little Wednesday prayer meetings, and her daily walk and conversation give evidence that she has been born again. Miss J. also says that she is fully determined to serve Christ, may she have grace to do so from on high. Miss B., who is to be my successor, was present at our examination, and the following morning I had quite a chat with her. I trust she is one in whose hands the school will pros- per. Oh that she may be instrumental in win- ning many of these precious souls to Christ ! How much I shall think of them all ! It seems to me I have never before formed such strong attachments as those of the past year in Ply- AT HOME. 235 mouth. Miss H. seems to me so much like a sister that I often call her by that endearing name. May our love for each other ever con- tinue as fervent as it now is until we. meet in heaven, where it shall be perfected. And now I desire to give myself up to home duties, to act well and faithfully the part of daughter and sister. Responsibility is still rest- ing on me, though of a different kind from that which I have left. May I have grace to live constantly " as seeing him who is invisible/ 7 and may I grow in grace every day. Surely, I ought to do so, since I shall have so much more time to attend to my soul's interests, which have, of late, been sadly neglected. 236 THE SISTEES. CHAPTER XII. At home Relaxation from labor Domestic duties - Visiting Cor- respondence. HOME and rest, how sweet to those who have borne the burden of incessant toil, and for whom loving hearts wait to bestow all the treasures of sympathy and affection ! It was such a home to which Elizabeth now returned, and from which, save for occasional visits to her friends, she departed not again till called to her better home above. It was, henceforth, her chief aim to supply, in the family circle, the vacant places of those who had gone before, in her own language, " to perform faithfully the duties of daughter and sister. 77 The time here flowed on smoothly, leaving little of incident to be noted in her diary, and our task in this chap- ter will be little more than to transcribe such records of the inner life as will show the quiet ripening of her soul for heaven. At first, however, this relief from care seemed EFFECT OF RELAXATION. 237 rather unfavorable to her religious progress. It is, doubtless, when the powers of the soul are in most vigorous exercise, nerved under the pressure of responsibility to exertion, to vigilance, to make the most of every moment and every event, that the divine life within makes the most rapid advancement. Relaxation in outward cares is apt to induce a remission of inward vigilance, at least, to leave the spirit languid, and more vulnerable to the assaults of temptation and the insidious influence of the world. A few days after her return we find Elizabeth writing thus : April 23. I have allowed my mind, of late, to become far too much engrossed by the world. Now that I am at home and freed from many responsibilities which have pressed so heavily upon me, I fear I am estranging myself from God, and feeling less my need of constant grace and strength from on high to sustain me. I have resolved, to-night, that I will set apart a half hour each morning for communion with God and my soul. I mean to rise early enough to take time for this duty before I become en- gaged in any thing else, and my mind is pre- occupied with worldly cares. In connection- with this exercise I will study a portion of 238 THE SISTERS. God's word, and strive thus to become better acquainted with his mind and will. Here, Lord, is my resolve, made, I trust, not in my own strength, (which, I know, will fail me,) but in the hope of grace given me from thee. Oh that I may be enabled to grow daily in Christ, till I shall arrive at the fullness of the stature of the perfect ! 29th. Saturday evening. Another week has passed away. How solemn the thought ! Have I spent it as I ought? Have I advanced in the divine life ? Have I grown in grace ? Alas ! how many neglected duties, how many sins committed, throng upon my view. How long, Lord, wilt thou show thyself merciful, how long continue to bestow unnumbered blessings upon such an unworthy, ungrateful child ? my Father, help me to live anew to thee, help me to search and know my own heart, to banish from it all sin, and give it wholly to thee. Prepare me for the duties of thy holy day. May I awake in the morning with my thoughts on thee, and maintain my mind disengaged from all worldly cares. Let it be a Sabbath most holy and blessed to my soul. May 21. My twenty-fifth birthday ! A quar- ter of a century spent, and so little accom- plished ! " THE FIELDS ALL WHITE." 239 Our Sabbath School has to-day been reorgan- ized, and I have taken my old class. It was very pleasant to meet them thus again, but one was not. It seems but a few days since dear Abbie was instructing a class just in front of mine, and Fannie was one of my pupils. Now they are both gone to that school where Jesus is their instructor, and they are learning of him. It seems to me that I never before felt so anxious for my dear class ; and, with help from on high, I am determined to be faithful to them. My field of usefulness is not, apparently, so wide as it has been for a year past, yet, if I do my duty, I may accomplish more for Christ this summer than ever before. Oh ! I do long to do good, and the fields are all white, and ready for the harvest. My Father, give me wisdom and strength from above. Here is the explanation of her success in her plans of usefulness. Withdrawn from that sphere of influence which she had occupied, into the retirement of home, it would not have been surprising if she had felt that her oppor- tunities were mostly past. Many, in such cir- cumstances, do not dream of finding any practi- cable good to do. But Elizabeth had so sincerely and earnestly consecrated herself to duty that 240 THE SISTERS. she could not be idle. If opportunities pre- sented not, she would make them. Wherever she was, the fields were " white and ready for the harvest/' and, looking to God for help, she girded herself with zeal and courage for the work. Similarity of tastes, and, especially, a like devotedness of heart to Christ's service, had created a strong attachment between her and her late assistant in school, Miss H. ; in refer- ence to the latter she writes : Dear Miss H. came down last Tuesday com- pletely worn out. She was obliged to leave school in order to rest a few days, but she seems little better than when she came, and I fear she will not be well for a long time. She never thinks of herself when there is any thing to be done for others. She is weak and languid, much as my sisters were. She is to me another sister, and it is my prayer that God will not take her, too, from me. July 2. Susan (Miss H.) and I have agreed to spend a little season at sunset in prayer, and to read three chapters in the Bible daily. Help us, Father, to offer our prayers in sincerity, and to read thy word with an understanding heart. I can not live at a distance from thee, and LETTER TO J. S. 241 to-night I consecrate myself wholly to thee. Accept the offering, and make me entirely thine. To J. S., (a former pupil.) DEAR JENNIE: I can not tell you how happy I am that you have come out, and taken a decided stand on the Lord's side. In no other way can you hope to grow in grace, and be fitted for the " good fight " of faith. We are exposed to temptation on every side, but, armed with the panoply of divine grace, we know that we shall not be overcome. Try, dear Jennie, to influence others, who are yet in their sins, to come and accept this same Jesus whom you love ; and remember, ever, that whoso " con- verteth a sinner from the error of his ways shall save a soul from death/ 7 and his reward shall be to shine "as the stars for ever. 77 Do not let trifles prevent you from holding communion with your Maker, morning and even- ing. It is impossible to neglect it habitually and still be a Christian. You, doubtless, often meet with difficulties in your course, often find the way steep and difficult. Yours would be a singular experience were it not so, but, I trust, you know to whom you can apply for succor. I am glad to learn that you have a female prayer meeting. In my own experience 16 242 THE SISTERS. I have found such seasons very pleasant and profitable. As ever, your very affectionate friend, E. H. DlCKERMAN. To MRS. W. Aug. 21. I have not, as you surmised, improved my freedom in visiting, for it is such a luxury to be at home, that if I go away to spend a few days, I get homesick, and come back sooner than I intended. With the exception of two or three days in New Haven, and as many in Bridgeport, I have spent the entire summer at home. To Miss S. J. H. gept 2< DEAR SUSAN: Our " sunset hours 77 shall not be forgotten, for at the throne of grace we can meet, and 'tis sweet to come here and suppli- cate our heavenly Father for blessings upon ourselves and those we love. Oh that we might be more earnest, more fervent in our petitions ! How much you must enjoy your little meetings for prayer. Refreshing seasons, are they not ? Have you thought, of late, what a striking similarity exists between the moral and the physical world ? Every thing seems so barren and desolate. But a kind Providence is remembering the parched earth, and sending SICKNESS OF MISS H. 243 genial showers to refresh and beautify it. May he also send down the rain of righteousness to water the Israel of God, and cause Zion to arise and put on her beautiful garments, even the garments of salvation. I am glad, for Miss C.'s sake, that she is rooming with you; for, no doubt, she needs much the influence of a pious friend. In heaven, Susie, you shall receive your reward. Sept. 9. I yesterday heard of my much loved Susan's severe illness in New Britain, and thought of going up to-day. I don't know what duty is. My parents are unwilling to have me expose myself to the disease, but still will not object if I think it best to go.< I have asked for heavenly guidance, and hope I may receive wisdom from on high. As I did not feel quite well this morning, I concluded to defer going up until next week. Lord, will it not be for thy glory, and the advancement of thy king- dom, to restore thy child again to health? If consistent with thy all-wise purposes, wilt thou still spare her to accomplish great good in the world? Sabbath evening, 10th. How entirely depend- ent are we, poor frail creatures, upon our heav- enly Father for life and health ! One after 244 THE SISTERS. another of those whom we have loved are stricken down with disease. Uncle A.'s dear little Mary is very ill of dysentery, and to-day Sherwood is attacked, though not severely. Lord, wilt thou be merciful, and restore to our loved ones health and strength. Dear Susan, how much I have thought of her to-day. Since Fannie's death she has been to me a sister ; but now I fear that we, too, may be separated. I know that to die would be to her great gain ; for, surely, she has given abun- dant evidence of having " walked with God. 77 How kind my Father is, to remove none of my dear friends by death who can not meet joyfully the king of terrors. Susan has so often ex- pressed an earnest, longing desire to depart and be with Christ, that, I dare say, she has no wish to recover ; but it will be hard to give her up. Lord, wilt thou make all her bed in her sick- ness, and sustain her in all the trials through which she may be called to pass. In her own beautiful language, I thank thee that I may " commit her into thy hands, feeling that there she is safe." This morning God enabled me, I hope, to call upon him in sincerity. I felt his presence with me while at the throne of grace, and trust that, notwithstanding I have sinned much to-day, I have not been wholly given over LETTER TO MISS H. 245 to temptation. Lord, be thou with me through the remainder of thy day, and enable me to keep it holy, even unto the end. Her anxiety for her friend overcame all pru- dential considerations, and she hastened to her bedside. She found her, however, already con- valescent, and, after a brief visit, returned to participate in the grief which had already in- vaded the household of her uncle. To Miss S. J. H. gepL 2Qi DEAR SUSIE : This has been a sad and try- ing day, for we have laid sweet little Mary in her narrow bed, and left her there to her last long sleep. My poor uncle and aunt are com- pletely bowed down with grief, heart-broken. The light of their dwelling is gone, and they are childless. It is enough to make one's heart ache to look upon them. May the Lord have mercy upon them, arid bind up the wound he has made. Another little one has been added to that school in which Abbie and Fannie are, perhaps, teachers as well as learners. This morning I made the little shroud, and C. went with me to arrange flowers in the coffin. I wish you could have seen our sweet one, so beauti- ful in death, herself a fairer, more enduring 246 THE SISTERS. flower, now blooming in the paradise of God. The Lord has need of her, and we must not rebel. It seems to me almost as if I had buried another sister, so closely had the little one en- twined herself about my heart. Sabbath eve, Sept. 24. This morning I re- solved to be faithful to my Sabbath School class, and endeavor to impress upon their minds the solemn lessons which we have received from the recent deaths of the young. It was late when we finished our regular lesson, and I had time to say but little, but may the Lord add his blessing, and make it the means of salvation to, at least, one soul. I do long to see them within the fold of Christ, embraced in the cove- nant of his love. But I fear that their hearts are hard and cold. Turn them, mighty God, and they shall be turned ; cause thy face to shine upon them, and they shall be saved. This afternoon went with Mr. Ives to his Sab- bath School, in the western part of the town. Heard four or five little girls repeat their les- sons, passages from John's gospel, and endeav- ored to tell them of Jesus' love, and urge them to come to him. How much I, should love to meet them every Sabbath, and tell them about this Saviour, of whom they know so little. VISITING. 247 Chester, Nov. 12. Left my dear home yester- day for a visit to this place. God has guided me to-day, and to-night I would return thanks for his goodness. I was told by the conductor that I had taken the wrong train, but it was overruled for good. Truly, the Lord is gracious to those who will trust him. Hartford, 25th. Left Chester this noon, after a very pleasant visit of two weeks. Had a most delightful sail up the beautiful Connecti- cut. I was almost too happy. I was glad to be alone, for I longed to drink in every beauty as we passed. I think I never enjoyed so per- fectly a four hours 7 ride as this afternoon. Reached Hartford just as the sun was setting, at the close of one of our most lovely Octo- ber days. Found brother E. waiting at the dock, who took me to Mr. "WVs, where I was most kindly and cordially welcomed. Strange that I should find so many friends. May the Lord give me a grateful heart for every bless- ing. Thursday eve, 26th. This morning had a long, delightful walk with Mrs. W., after which E. took me down to see the old charter oak, of historical notoriety; then to the Athenseum, where he left me, I found so many beautiful things in the picture gallery that I was fairly 248 THE SISTERS. bewildered, and forgot how time was passing, until it was too late for me to visit the other departments before dinner. This afternoon we have been out to ride, and have seen some of the finest views, more beautiful than any I had witnessed before. Saw the Retreat, Asy- lum, Mr. Colt's extensive works, Prospect Hill, the cemeteries, and other objects of interest. It seems to me I never passed a day so pleasantly as this. Nov. 12. Brother E. left on Friday, and will not, probably, return until spring ; but oh, may he then come back to us in health and safety. How hard these separations are ! Nothing but trust in God can comfort and sustain us. He has always been to me a dear, kind, good brother, and I trust a merciful God will still spare him. I will leave him in the hands of my heavenly Father, praying that he will prepare us all for whatever he may have in store for us in this world, and that he will finally give us an entrance with his children above. Mrs. Foote died yesterday, and A. has no mother. Poor girl ! but I trust she has learned where to go for comfort. Oh, may the grace of God sustain her in this severe affliction, and LETTER TO A. F. 249 may it be the means of purifying her heart, and leading her nearer to himself. To A ' F " Nov. 12. MY DEAR AFFLICTED FRIEND : I have time to write you but a word, but I want to tell you how much I sympathize with you in your sore bereavement. Although I have, thus far, been spared the trial of parting with a mother, yet I know what sorrow is, and would direct you to the great Fount of consolation, even to that Saviour in whom your now sainted mother trusted ; for there have I often found comfort, when the world seemed dark and dreary. Jesus wept, and he knows how to sympathize with his children in all their griefs, because he has felt the same. Come, then, to him, dear A., and cast your care upon him, because he careth for you. He will be to you more than earthly parents, and will never, no,' never, leave nor forsake you. I know that it is a great thing for a young girl like yourself to be left without a mother, or even a sister, in whom she can confide. Dear A., may I not be to you in the place of a sister? Come to me when you are in trouble, and, if I can be of any service to you, most gladly will I do so. I have wanted very much to come down 250 THE SISTERS. and see you, since your mother's death, but my own mother's illness has prevented. Often, my friend, have I remembered you at the throne of grace, and there will you find comfort when all other sources fail. How insufficient and worth- less does the world seem at such times, and how infinitely precious a Saviour's love ! If this affliction should lead you nearer to him, as I trust it will, then will you have occasion to bless God through all eternity for his dealings with you. I must not stay to write more, although I have much to say, but hope to see you soon. Very affectionately yours, E. H. DlCKERMAN. To J. S., Plymouth. Mount Carmel, Nov. 24. MY DEAR JENNIE : It gratifies me exceed- ingly to learn that a few of you have sustained a weekly female prayer meeting during the summer. It seems to me very important that young Christians should start right, for I have known so many who never get right afterwards. I trust, dear Jennie, that you will be active in striving to win others to Christ, since you your- self know by experience that it is so much better to serve him than the world. LETTER TO MRS. W. 251 Remember that, as a teacher, you have rest- ing upon you weighty responsibilities, for " Just as the twig is bent, the tree 's inclined." It is by both precept and example that we are to show to those around us our love for Jesus, and our hatred of sin, that abominable thing which he hates. How sweet it is to come to him, when we feel our own weakness, and vileness, and insufficiency, assured that he will grant us all the strength we need. To MRS. J. S. W. Mount Carmel, Feb. 6, 1855. MY DEAR FRIEND: Your very kind letter was duly received and perused with much pleasure, though I am not quite sure that feel- ings of sadness did not predominate ; still, it was something of a relief to know definitely how you were, instead of trusting to what one and another had heard. You speak of the promise, " As thy day, so shall thy strength be." Is it not sweet to think that every trial, as well as every blessing, is sent for our good; and that not one is permitted which Infinite Wisdom does not see to be needful for us? Sweet to remember that " Heaven's long age of bliss shall pay For what his children suffer here." 252 THE SISTERS. I often wonder whether it is not harder to bear prosperity than adversity. Sometimes I think that I wander away from God just in pro- portion as my blessings are multiplied. Is it not strange that the world can ever allure us from God, that temptation can have power to draw us into sin, when we feel that all is vanity and vexation of spirit ? It seems to me that heaven's strongest attraction is its freedom from temptation. In a letter which I received from Miss H. last week she spoke of unusual interest in the Normal School, and says that souls are inquiring the way to life. Such intelligence would be cheering from any quarter, but it seems to me that those who are preparing to teach, need, peculiarly, for their own souls, the teaching of the Holy Spirit. I have often thought of the Seminary this winter, and wondered whether any are learning of the Great Teacher. If any are still there who were once my pupils, will you please tell them, from me, that I have not forgotten them, or ceased to pray for them. As ever, yours, LIZZIE. Sabbath evening, March 4. I thank my God, that he has given me, unworthy as I am, so EVENING HOUR OF PRAYER. 253 much of his blessed presence to-day. This morning my communion with him was sweet. At the footstool of his grace he manifested him- self to me a " God of love, all love excelling." The services of the sanctuary have been pecu- liarly sweet to me, and to-night my soul is over- flowing with gratitude for all these manifesta- tions of a heavenly Father's kindness. " The light of the moon is as the light of the sun, and the light of the sun seven times greater. 77 A few days since I received a letter from my dear brother, containing a request that I would meet him and a beloved friend at the throne of grace, at half past five, on Sabbath evenings. Oh, how sacred is that hour ! It seems to me that I can get nearer heaven than at other times, and I thank God that he will permit us thus to implore his blessing upon each other. 25th. God has very graciously manifested himself to me to-night, as I bowed before him in prayer. How sweet the thought that, uni- tedly, at this consecrated hour, we may implore his blessing. In union is strength. How forci- bly do I feel this truth at these seasons, which, with two dear friends, I have set apart to his worship. I know that he hears our petitions for each other, and blesses according to our 254 THE SISTERS. requests. At no other time do I enjoy so much of his presence in my devotions, or get so near to heaven. And I thank him for inclining my dear brother to make this proposition. I trust that we shall all experience the benefits of such communion, not only for time but throughout eternity. It seems to me that I view every thing in a new light to-night. I feel as if God was really my reconciled Father and Friend, and Christ my elder brother indeed. Oh that this happy frame of mind may continue ! Father, wilt thou evermore keep me very humble before thee, and grant me the smiles of thy reconciled countenance. Oh that all my dear young friends here would give themselves to him ! I felt this afternoon as if I longed to take them in my arms and bring them to Christ. March 26. Arose this morning in a happy frame of mind, and enjoyed a season of sweet communion with my heavenly Father. Have experienced much of his presence to-day, and have been enabled, through grace, to resist temptation. Oh, how delightful it is to live near to God ! I would never again wander from him, but would dwell continually under the shadow of his wing, and then no matter what shall befall SPIRITUAL ENJOYMENT. 255 me here, so long as he is glorified. All will be well, because God does it ; and I can recognize his hand in every thing. April 15. My thoughts have to-day been, almost uninterruptedly, on heavenly things. My usual season of prayer has been peculiarly sweet. I seemed to see heaven opened, and to commune, face to face, with my Redeemer, almost to hear the heavenly hallelujahs of the shining throng about his throne. I felt really thankful that my dear sisters were already there ; grateful to God that he had taken them from this world of sin and temptation, to a world of perfect holiness and peace ; and oh ! I long for the hour when I shall be set free from this body of sin, and permitted to dwell continu- ally with God. Here I am so easily led astray ; the pride of my heart is my most formidable foe ; but I am striving to overcome, and, by divine grace, I hope for "A heart resigned, submissive, meek, A heart from sin set free, A heart that 's sprinkled with the blood So freely shed for me." I can now say, in the words of the morning text, " I know in whom 1 have believed, and am 256 THE SISTERS. persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed to him against that day.' 7 " My willing soul would stay In such a frame as this, And sit, and sing herself away To everlasting bliss." Have been writing a note to E. D., and I pray God that he will add his blessing, and make it to him a means of much good. Sabbath evening, April 15. MY DEAR BROTHER : Perhaps you have sometimes thought that I had no anxiety for your salvation, because I have not conversed with you about your soul ; but God knows how earnestly I have prayed that you may, in the morning of life, be made his child. Sometimes, when I think of our dear sisters, already in heaven, and the possibility that we may not all spend eternity together, I have to stop and weep. What if all the rest should be saved, and you lost ? Are you willing that it should be so ? Then do not put off repentance another day, but come to-night to God, who will receive you, just as you are, without money and with- out price. Only think of fourteen long years spent in sinning against and grieving a Saviour NOTE TO HER BROTHER. 257 who gave his life for you, and who gives you all the blessings you enjoy. If you can scarcely forgive one who offends you, for whom you have done nothing, think how you must seem in the eyes of a holy God, who hates sin with a per- fect hatred. To-morrow he may not incline your heart to seek him, or you may be in eter- nity. Do not put it off any longer, but give him your heart now. If you can tell me how you feel about the matter any better in a note, write to me when you have made up your mind whether to be for Christ, or against him. Your affectionate sister, ELIZABETH. Sabbath evening, May 27. To-day Mary B. expressed a desire to join my class in the Sab- bath School. I have now six interesting girls under my instruction, just at that age when they need peculiarly to be guided aright. I want to interest them more than they have ever been before. I have new desires and new aspi- rations to become a better teacher, and I trust that they are prompted by God, and will receive his benediction. My hope of usefulness is en- tirely in him, for I have a humiliating conscious- ness of my own inability and insufficiency, with- 17 258 THE SISTERS. out his aid. Tonight, in communion with him, I have found him precious, have been enabled to seek that assistance that I need, and to com- mend my dear pupils to him, feeling that he is able to embrace them all in the covenant of his love. I desire to do my whole duty patiently, diligently, and perseveringly, and with him will I leave results. Aug. 10. This evening, as my uncle Eussel (Mr. R. Ives,) was returning home, after the third service at church, he was arrested by the angel of death, and in a moment removed from earth. He had reached the age of threescore and ten years, but he seemed in full vigor and strength. How true it is that " in such an hour as we think not, the Son of man cometh " ! Oh that this bereavement may be sanctified to his family, and to the church of which he has long- been an exemplary member ! Leaving not an enemy on earth, he has gone to dwell for ever " Where congregations ne'er break up, And Sabbaths never end." His family are bereft of a kind husband and most affectionate father, but their loss is his gain. I desire to lay this lesson to heart, and receive it as an admonition from above, saying, " Prepare to meet thy God." "Be ye also ready. 77 INTEREST IN FAMILY CARES. 259 Abundant evidence has already been afforded of the strength and tenderness of Elizabeth's home attachments. The purpose which she formed of being a " good daughter and sister/ 7 was not a matter of constraint or self-denial. To her parents she was ever a most affectionate companion ; entering with alacrity into all the domestic concerns of the family, and ever seek- ing to take upon herself whatever might afford relief or assistance to her mother. Even in the outdoor affairs of the farm she took a lively interest. During this summer her father built a new barn, with the accompanying out-build- ings, and she entered, with much delight, into the undertaking, drawing plans, contriving many little conveniences, and throwing over all a pleasing appearance of neatness and taste. Nor did she feel that any thing of this kind was inconsistent with female delicacy. Preserving in her own person and manners the most scru- pulous propriety, and the truest refinement of sentiment and feeling, she shed a grace upon the humblest occupations, and showed them all dignified by the unsullied purity of heart and purpose with which they were undertaken. Her influence, at this time, was especially valuable to her younger brothers, three of whom were at home. She superintended their studies, 260 THE SISTEES. counseled them as to their reading, encouraged them in all manly aspirations, and, above all, sought to promote their spiritual welfare. What language can adequately express the worth of such a sister to a family of boys, in this forming period of life ? END OF THE DIAEY. 261 CHAPTEE XIII. End of the diary Visiting Beginning of sickness Invitation to Harrisburgh Severe suffering Medical attendance Cheerfulness Submission Solicitude for her mother Unclouded hope Fare- wells Death Letters of friends. THE extract with which the preceding chap- ter closed was from the last entry in Elizabeth's journal. The book which she had used was filled, and she omitted to procure another. Henceforth we are compelled to supply the failure of this guide from a few letters that remain, and the recollection of her friends. Sufficient, however, is afforded us to show how she, who had twice gone down into the dark valley as companion and nurse, was enabled to pass through it in person ; and how the great Comforter, who had then so filled it with his light and joy, was present with her, giving a like victory over all the power of death. , The autumn and winter of 1855-6 were occu- pied chiefly with visiting. Few persons better loved their friends than she did ; and the days 262 THE SISTEES. which she spent with them were full of enjoy- ment. Nor was the pleasure she always gave inferior to that she received. Her quiet arid winning ways, her ready helpfulness in every thing in which she could aid, her perfect unself- ishness, and her ever sunny smile, gave a rare charm to her society, and made her visits most welcome wherever she came. To HER MOTHER. AT , , 1A Newark, Sept. 10. My promise to write the first of the week has almost failed, but, really, I could not do it be- fore. I am having the " greatest times " you ever knew, and have enjoyed my visit thus far in the superlative degree. Saturday morning I went with cousin Ann, as she has taught me to call her, to market. The market here is five hundred or six hundred feet long, and in the evening, with its long line of gas lights extend- ing through the center, it looks beautifully. Newark is more than twice the size of New Haven, containing over fifty thousand inhabi- tants. It has fifty churches, many of which are very fine. Broad street, near which Mr. F. lives, is some three miles long, and perfectly straight and level. In the evening it shows splendidly. Yesterday I visited the Orphan Asylum. Its AT NEWARK. 263 anniversary comes off this evening, and we lis- tened to the preparatory exercises of the chil- dren, some fifty in number. Among them is one dear little girl, about two years old, whose father and mother died very suddenly. Two older ones are in the Asylum with her, and three have been sent to Baltimore. It is sup- posed they have some property, but, as yet, no clue to it has been found. These children were brought here last week and in the youngest I feel much interested. After a visit of five weeks in Newark she came home, but not till her friends had made her promise to return again and spend the holi- days with them. During this second visit she writes : " I received a hearty welcome from all the members of the family, except Ponto. Lizzie is a sweet girl, and just as good. I like her love her, if you please very much indeed. We are already fast friends. " The young lady here mentioned, though much younger than Elizabeth, was of a kindred spirit with her own. She had from her seventh year cherished the hope that she was a child of God, and this visit, it is believed, was the occasion to her of much spiritual good, in enlarging her 264 THE SISTERS views and strengthening her purpose of con- secration to him. She, too, has now passed away ! It was while absent on this visit to her friends in Newark, that Elizabeth had the first severe attack of suffering from the disease (an internal tumor) which was, at length, to terminate her life. Something of it she had felt for months, as far back, indeed, as before the close of her school in Plymouth, but it had given her but slight inconvenience, and, consequently, little alarm. Hence, also, with her characteristic desire to avoid causing anxiety to her parents, she had never mentioned to them the existence of her disease, till compelled to do so, when it had already passed beyond the reach of human help as, indeed, it probably had been from its very commencement. Her stay in N. was prolonged till late in January, when she came home, to take her place on the invalid's couch. She was not, how- ever, immediately confined to it, but was able to get about her room, and, occasionally, to ride out, when the weather permitted. But the par- oxysms of pain were now more frequent, and she found it necessary to remain quiet as much as possible. At this time she addressed the fol- lowing touching note of sympathy to her friend, LETTER OF CONSOLATION. 265 Mrs. W., at Plymouth, who had been suddenly bereft of her little daughter, one of the pets of the school, and a strongly attached friend to Elizabeth. Mt. Carmel, Jan. 31, 1856. MY DEAR AFFLICTED FRIEND : I have this afternoon heard of the death of your dear little Lillie, and I can not rest till I have told how much I sympathize with you in this sore be- reavement. At first I tried to fancy that it might be a mistake ; but, as the intelligence was so direct, I am forced to the conclusion that it is, doubtless, too true, although so hard to believe. I do not write because I can ever hope to comfort you, but to relieve my own heart, which aches for you. I am so thankful that you know where, in such seasons of dis- tress, to go for consolation ; else, I am sure you could not endure this great trial. May he who has promised, " As thy day so thy strength shall be," give you support, and grant that all your trials here may only make you richer in that world where he is gathering our treasures. That beautiful hymn commencing, " Who are these in bright array ? " has been to me so com- forting that I must refer you to it, for in it, all that is mysterious in our afflictions seems solved. Dear little Lillie, now a sweet angel,- has 266 THE SISTERS. escaped all these trials, and can never more know sorrow or suffering. Blessed thought ! If it will not be too great a tax upon your feelings, a line containing some particulars of the event would be very gratefully received. I have heard, merely, that it resulted from an accident. 7 Ma unites with me in sending much love and sympathy to you all. Yours, very affectionately, ELIZABETH. About the same time she received a flattering invitation to engage as teacher, in a Female Seminary in Harrisburgh, Pa. Notwithstanding the state of her health, the offer seemed to kin- dle anew that strong love for teaching, and desire of usefulness, which had before been with her a ruling passion ; and, for a short time, she even cherished the idea that she might, in the ensuing summer, accept the situation. But this illusion of hope was brief. She was soon taught, too plainly for mistake, that her work on earth was done, save that last one which a child of God can do, to glorify him on the bed of sickness, and, like the loved ones who had gone before, show "how a Christian can die." For convenience in procuring medical attend- SICKNESS AND SUFFEKING. 267 ance, Elizabeth went, in March, to New Haven, where she spent eight weeks in care of a skill- ful nurse and devoted Christian friend. Her condition was now so critical that she felt little hope of benefit, but was willing to do any thing which her parents might desire. She said, indeed, little of her danger ; evidently through fear of increasing their anxiety. On the even- ing before she left she rode with her brother, to make some calls through the village, and, on being gently dissuaded from so far exhausting her strength, she remarked, quietly, " If I don't go to-night I never shall." This was one of the first intimations she gave that she considered her disease fatal, but it betrayed no emotion and no disappointment. Though the path that opened before her was dark and painful, yet it was her Father's hand that beckoned her for- ward, and she had too long trusted and loved that hand to shrink from it now. The weeks which she spent in New Haven were weeks of intense suffering, while her dis- ease was advancing to its culmination. She was, however, uniformly cheerful and happy. Says the lady with whom she resided, "In going to her room she would always meet me with such a peaceful smile that it seemed as if heaven beamed from her countenance. I would 268 THE SISTERS. say to her, 'Well, dear, how do you feel now ? ' 6 Oh ! 7 she replied, ' God is very good to me. I have had a good night, and have just been thinking how much better off I am than many others ; for I have the best of care, and every thing for my comfort that heart can wish ; above all, I have such sweet communion with God. He makes all my bed in my sickness. What should I do without my Saviour ? He is precious to my soul, and I am willing to leave myself in his hands, knowing that whatever he does will be for the best. 7 " At another time she remarked, ' I have but one thing that I would care to live for, and that is my dear mother. She will be left without a daughter to be a comfort to her in her old age. I sometimes fear that she makes an idol of me 7 and puts me between herself and God, that, you know, must never be. 7 7; Elizabeth had too long been a learner in the school of affliction to be ignorant of its lessons, or of the purposes of Divine Wisdom in impart- ing them. In reference to this she one day said, " When my last sister died it was the bit- terest of all earthly sorrows. To love tenderly and deeply, and then to part ; to meet for the last time on earth; to have all past remem- brances of home and kindred broken up ; this GEIEF SANCTIFIED. 269 is, indeed, the reality of sorrow. To look upon the loved face that shall smile on us no more ; to close the eyes that will behold us no more ; to stand by the side of your last sister, yet hear no sound and receive no greeting ; to carry the beloved one to the tomb, and return to a deso- lated home with a blank in your heart which can never be filled till Jesus comes with all his saints, this is the bitterness of grief. Such is the rod which my heavenly Father has laid upon me. He is making room thereby in my heart for himself. And now, perhaps, he sees the joys of an earthly home stealing my affec- tions away from the ' many mansions ' above, and, in mercy, comes to tear me from that home, that I may have no idol here. He claims our affections as all his own, and every idol he will utterly abolish." " I feel/ 7 she subsequently added, " that I fall very far short of my desire, but I want to have my will entirely swallowed up in his, and to maintain continually a sacred nearness to my God." Occasionally, during the early part of this period, she spent a day or two at home. At snch times she was ever cheerful and hopeful, endeavoring in every way to encourage her parents in respect to her recovery. " I have 270 THE SISTERS. no doubt, says her mother, " that she had a greater desire to be restored to health for my sake than for her own. As her sickness ad- vanced, and the issue of it began to appear doubtful, she often remarked to her acquaint- ances, ' I have no desire to get well on my own account, but my mother she will have no daughter if I am taken. 7 r ' Her disease reached its crisis early in May, when extreme prostration and weakness imme- diately ensued, and she hastened home. Still, her condition did not so much alarm, for it was regarded as a necessary stage before amend- ment began. It was, nevertheless, a sad hour when she returned, weak and pale, to bring the shadow of the destroyer across the threshold which had twice before been desolated by his presence. Her father, as if already feeling the approaching sorrow, said to her, as they were conversing upon the dealings of Providence with them, " It seems, indeed, mysterious that you, too, the last one of the three, should be thus laid aside." " Oh ! no/ 7 she quickly re- plied, " I can see it all perfectly plain. It is just the discipline I needed. I have often felt that I had no satisfactory evidence that God will accept me, but this, I believe, I may receive as such, for i whom the Lord loveth he CONVERSION OF A YOUNG BROTHER. 271 chasteneth, and scourgeth every son that h receiveth. 7 ;; It was, indeed, a rare faith which not only granted such support under her afflic- tion, but which made affliction itself a source of joy, a proof which, more than health, or any earthly good, assured her of her Father's faithfulness and love. The conversation of that evening is memo- rable in the family, not only on its own account, but because one of the younger sons dates from it his conversion to Christ. He had witnessed the value of religion as a support under suffer- ing, and felt the power of that invisible Pres- ence which came so near to him in that pale, yet beaming countenance, and, on retiring to bed, he was unable to sleep. His distress be- came such, ere morning, that he called for his mother to come to him. She found him in tears, and, to her inquiries as to the cause, replied that he felt himself to be a sinner. She coun- seled and prayed with him, and, ere she left the room, he said to her, with solemn earnestness, " Mother, I wiU be a Christian." Very soon after he was rejoicing in the love of Christ. It is now the fondly cherished hope of the family that the same afflictive providence which re- moved one child from their embrace, may have been made the occasion of giving to them 272 THE SISTERS. another in the Lord, and, ultimately, of giving to the church a devoted Christian minister. For a few weeks Elizabeth remained much the same as at her return, though, at times, suf- fering exceedingly, and continually growing weaker. Through all, she exhibited the same unfaltering cheerfulness and perfect trust. One morning her mother having made her bed, and noticing the placid expression of her counte- nance, remarked, " I believe, Lizzie, you will get well, after all/ 7 Instantly, with a look of meek submission, she replied, "When I am sufficiently tried, mother. 77 Not a murmur of impatience ever escaped her, scarcely a groan, even, under the extremest paroxysms of pain. She repressed, as far as possible, every indication of suffering, in order to spare the feelings of the beloved ones who were watching over her with so much anxiety. In the intervals between these paroxysms, she was very comfortable, and, save her weakness, had little to hinder her free intercourse with heaven. These were periods of great enjoy- ment. Once she complained of herself for having been overtaken by sleep when silently engaged in prayer. Her mother replied that she thought, in her present circumstances, she ought to regard it as a favor that she could INCREASING WEAKNESS. 273 pray herself to sleep. She seemed pleased with the thought, and grateful that she might thus repose in the care of him who " so giveth his beloved sleep." Sabbath, July 13th, was the first day in which she did not sit up in her chair to take her meals and read her three chapters in the Bible, as usual. On the evening of that day she said, with some emotion, " I have not read a word in my Bible to-day/' and remarked to her mother that, up to that time, she had been enabled to maintain her regular habit of read- ing without intermission. The stated period for this was the morning. If the chapters in course were long, she anticipated a part of them the morning previous, so as, in no event, to be prevented from accomplishing the prescribed amount. That Sabbath evening was beautiful with all the charms of early summer. She sat by the open window in that beloved south chamber where Abbie, four years before, had so oft en- joyed the same scene, and communed with him who disclosed himself in all its attractions. Her eye feasted upon it a long time, and she re- peated, with much delight, these beautiful words : 18 274 THE SISTERS. Hail, tranquil hour of closing day ! Begone, disturbing care ! And look, my soul, from earth away, To him that heareth prayer. How sweet the tear of penitence Before the throne of grace, While, to the contrite spirit's sense, He shows his smiling face. How sweet, through long remembered years, His mercies to recall ; And, pressed with wants and griefs and fears, To trust his love for all. How sweet to look, in thoughtful hope, Beyond this fading sky, And hear him call his children up To his fair home on high. Calmly the day forsakes our heaven To dawn beyond the west ; So let my soul, in life's last even, Retire to glorious rest. In the afternoon of the next day she was seized with the last violent attack of acute pain ; which continued more than an hour. During this paroxysm, no exclamation nor word of com- plaint escaped her lips. Once she said only ; " Oh, this is a killing process ! I never experi- enced such pain before.' 7 This attack was fol- PEACE. 275 lowed by almost constant vomiting, which con- tinued through the night after, and left her, in the morning, too much exhausted even to speak. The friend with whom she had staid in New Haven, Mrs. H., arrived during the morning. Elizabeth, hearing her voice below, and know- ing that breakfast was preparing for her, that prominent trait of caring for the comfort of others rallied, and, though but just able to whisper, she said to her mother " make green tea." Having taken some gentle restorative, she revived, and received Mrs. H. with great grati- fication. " Have you asked Mrs. H./ 7 she said to her mother, " if she thinks I shall get over this?" Mrs. H. replied, "We are very sorry to find you so weak, but still have hope." She dropped her eyelids for a moment, and then said, " My Saviour will take me home ! " " Do you think you are near the end?" "Yes." " How does death appear to you now ? " "I have no fear," she said, for Jesus can make a dying bed Feel soft as downy pillows are, While on his breast I lean my head, And breathe my life out sweetly there. Her eye fell upon her mother, with a look 276 THE SISTERS. of tender but sorrowful affection, and she exclaimed, " Oh that my dear mother could give me up, and let me go to my Saviour ! I long to be with him and my dear sisters." With much effort, Mrs. D. was enabled to assure her that she willingly relinquished her to God's will, knowing that, though bereaved, she should still be provided for, and that they should very soon meet again, where there would be no more separation. This assurance she received with evident gratification, and the last link which bound her to earth being thus broken, she had naught to do but look forward to her welcome release. Her countenance now beamed with a heavenly radiance, and bore witness to the holy joy and peace of her soul. She was asked if she had any new views of Christ, and replied " He is all glorious," and, in accents too broken to be repeated, testified the preciousness of his love. Shortly after she tried to repeat the hymn, " Jerusalem, my happy home/ 7 which she had often sung ; but, being unable, from her failing strength, she said, "I am almost gone." She then took leave, most tenderly, of those present, exhorting each to be more faithful than she had been ; left a kind message for an absent brother, and said "Give my love to every body tell DEATH. 277 them to be more faithful, and to the impeni- tent, to seek an interest in Christ. 77 Then, clasping her hands and laying them on her breast, she engaged, evidently, in silent prayer, which was ended in the praises of Heaven. Gently, without a struggle, on that fair summer morning, she fell asleep, and "BESTED IN JESUS." The intelligence of Elizabeth 7 s death brought to the thrice afflicted family many letters of sympathy from the numerous circle of friends, among whom she had been so much beloved. Some extracts from these, as illustrative of the character of those whose brief career has now been sketched, are subjoined. Prom Miss E. PARSONS, formerly preceptress of the Seward Institute, Florida, N. Y. Elizabeth, while a member of my school, was invariably faithful in her studies, and exemplary in her deportment. She had the highest sense of the value of time, and seemed eager to acquire the greatest possible amount of knowl- edge, actually going over more ground in her studies, for the time she was with me, than any pupil I ever had. Her love for truth seemed to clothe all her studies with beauty, and nothing 278 THE SISTEES. short of a full comprehension of them would satisfy her. Her special delight was mathe- matics. She often said to me, when reciting geometry, " Oh, what a beautiful problem ! " Her religious principles were firm. She spent much time in reading the Scriptures and in devotional exercises, and in the observance of the Sabbath was exceedingly strict. Her compositions, I believe, were all on serious sub- jects, dwelling much on the character and attri- butes of God, particularly his condescension and love. Her influence in the school and family was great, because it was invariably good. That one so gifted, so useful, and so truly pious, should thus early be called away, is one of those problems of Divine Wisdom which eternity alone can solve. From MES. B., Wolcott. I have ever considered dear Abbie's religious character as remarkable in one so young. During her brief sojourn with us,* I was often struck with her consistent walk. She was conscien- tious, yet ever cheerful, and remarkably patient under all the cares and trials of a teacher. * In Wolcott, as a teacher, in the summer of 1847. LETTERS OF FRIENDS. 279 But the great secret of her character lay in her life of prayer. Daily she drew fresh sup- plies of grace from that heavenly fountain. I never doubted her success, as a teacher, after I casually overheard her earnest pleadings with her Saviour for strength and wisdom to do all her duty. She evinced a deep concern for souls, particularly those over whom she exerted an influence. I doubt not that many are now stars in her crown of rejoicing whom she won, by her godly life, to the embrace of the Saviour. Prom Miss G-., New Haven. I shall never forget the many pleasant hours I spent in Lizzie's society, especially, during the winter that my mother died. I was lonely and sad, she came often to see me. and her affec- tionate sympathy greatly endeared her to my heart. I can see her now, as she used to come smilingly in, saying, " I have come to sit an hour with you," or spend a night, as she found it convenient. Those were pleasant hours. She would read to me, play for me, and do all she could to cheer my saddened spirit. I ever felt that she was devotedly pious, and was often reproved by her consistent example. We call it mysterious when the useful and 280 THE SISTERS. the good are thus early called home ; but did not dear Lizzie, in her short life, accomplish more than many who live to old age ? " Prom MRS. C. ; JFarmington. My thoughts have been with you in the sad scenes through which you have passed, and, while I mourn for you, I can not but rejoice for Lizzie. Her protracted sufferings are ended, and she has entered the rest prepared for God's people. To-day I received a letter from one of the ladies at Mrs. II. ? s, giving me a slight account of her last hours. What mercies are mingled in your bitter cup of sorrow ! I think Lizzie's implicit confidence in God was strongly marked, even from the first ; and when her symptoms were so strangely mysteri- ous, and there was so much reason to hope for a cure, I was always pleased to witness that quiet spirit which those only possess whose hope is on the Eock of Ages. And, as the weeks passed away, and her sufferings daily increased, her patience and trust seemed to increase in a double ratio. I shall never forget her submissive countenance, nor her grateful expressions for the very little we could do to allay a temporary spasm of pain. The morning on which she left New Haven I LETTERS OF FRIENDS. 281 could not refrain from giving way to my sor- row ; and, as I went up to our room, I said, Lizzie will never enter this house again. I thought she could hardly live as long as July. Wearisome days and nights have, indeed, been her portion, and, while at times we could not but hope for a favorable change, yet her disease was progressing slowly and surely, as we now know. I had not the heart to tell you how very sad and hopeless her case seemed when I saw her last. The same quiet face and the cheerful voice met me, but there were unmistakable proofs that her soul was being weaned from earth and fitted for heaven. Even the flowers I took her, which while in health she loved so passionately, only caused a smile and a passing word. Mrs. H. says that her death was eminently peaceful. I knew it would be so. And yet, the struggle with the King of terrors is fear- ful, flesh does shrink from it, instinctively, blessed be that grace that gave dear Lizzie the victory ! From MRS. W. The sad intelligence your letter brought me was entirely unexpected, and I know not what to write. My dear friend, you have truly 282 THE SISTEKS. passed through deep waters, but you can say still, " Blessed be the name of the Lord." I wrote, last Wednesday, to Elizabeth, and that very day, it 'appears, she, or rather, all that remained of her, was laid in her last resting- place. In this severe affliction I deeply sympathize, for I, too, feel bereaved. I loved Elizabeth very dearly. I regret that I could not have visited you previous to our coming to New York, but I may hope to see her again in our Father's house, "where no farewell tear is shed." There, I have not a doubt, has been a blissful reunion with those who went before, and new songs of gratitude have been raised to him that loved them, and brought them, at last, to his own joy- ous presence. You have been remarkably blessed in your dear daughters, and I could but hope that skej your last, would be spared to comfort your declining years, and ease you of some of life's burdens. But our Father took her to himself in her youth, though not till she had done ser- vice for him. She adorned her religion in both precept and example, striving ever to lead sin- ners to Christ. She always found something to do, when others would be idle ; and she passed LETTERS OF FRIENDS. 283 away calmly and trustingly, as I should have expected. I want to see you very much, and hope to do so soon. It would be a pleasure, though a sad one, to hear from you all about her last days, and to visit the sacred spot where they are laid. Near that spot I, too, laid a dear one, and, since then, another elsewhere. They are gone from me, but are, I trust, present with their Saviour. How blessed to feel that our loved ones are " not dead, but gone unto that school Where they no longer need our poor protection, And Christ himself doth rule." YQ I Q^O d I ou 7