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OUR 
 
 MODERN ATHENS; 
 
 OR : 
 
 WHO IS FIRST? 
 
 BY 
 
 ANICETUS, 
 
 AUTHOR OF "HARRY LEROY, OR THE FATALITY OK CRIME-," "HUMAN NATUEB, OB 
 
 THE HEAKT UNVEILED }" " THE WALK ," " GENIUS, ITS FATE," ETC. 
 
 BOSTON: 
 FOR SALE BY REDDINQ & CO., 
 
 No. 8 STATE STREET. 
 1860. 
 

 
 .. 
 
 Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1860, by 
 
 W. A . CLARK, 
 In the Clerk s Office of the District Court of the District of Massachusetts. 
 
DEDICATION. 
 
 To all those who love the truth better than the mere conventionalities 
 of life, through which is perpetrated so much of crying and inhuman 
 wrong, so much of shameful imposture ! who honor that courage 
 which, fearless of consequences, dares to denounce the votaries of evil 
 and of folly, who love truth for its sake, and prefer an honest cen 
 sure to a cowardly, sycophantic acquiescence, silence, and obsequious 
 ness, who feel that there is a God, and a judgment at his hands, when 
 these bodies which we now inhabit are resolved into their primitive 
 dust, who delight in satire, when it aims to improve those it assails, 
 
 who believe that it is possible to laugh persons out of snobbery and 
 toadyism, when they cannot be kicked or driven, who think that 
 there is some truth in the declaration that man was made in the im 
 age of his Maker, to work out, by his talents, som-e good for himself 
 and others, who reverence the divine will, and hail with irrepres 
 sible delight the outworking of it in mankind, who live not in the 
 mere exteriors of the mind, but dwell mostly in those beautiful vales 
 of the soul from whence is seen the gorgeous lights of Heaven, and 
 where is heard the melodious whisperings of Jehovah and the angels, 
 
 who fear not to applaud and defend whenever they are pleased, 
 who are of honorable conscience, who believe in the resurrection of 
 the dead, and the life to come, who despise all meanness, and love a 
 brave, earnest, and daring spirit, who tremble not when/ooZs com 
 mand, in fine, who are men and women; not caricatures of man 
 kind ; to these, and such as these, we dedicate our humble verse ; 
 knowing that they, at least, will appreciate our motives, and commend 
 our labor. 
 
 ANICETUS. 
 
 Ml8<J007 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 THERE are, in " Modern Athens," very many individ 
 uals who are not only uncertain as to their position, but 
 are quite doubtful as to who are and who are not first. 
 This is a problem which Euclid could easily have solved, 
 and which the author of this verse has met with no dif 
 ficulty in unravelling. He trusts that the fact of its being 
 in the dress of doggerel, will not make it any the less ac 
 ceptable to those who can derive a pleasure even in the 
 study of stones ; and many such there are. We geol 
 ogize a somewhat softer matter, and by availing, in a 
 measure, of the science of chemistry, we render our labors 
 doubly interesting, to those who may feel any interest 
 whatever. It is to these that we appeal for support, in 
 our effort to laugh at the insolence, the vulgarity, and 
 foppery of a large number in our "Modern Athens," 
 who, assuming to be first, use their best wit to make 
 themselves ridiculous in the extreme. 
 
 We have been pointed in our allusion to some persons, 
 who are especially open to the attacks of satirists ; and 
 though we disclaim all personal hostility to them, we con 
 fess a deep-seated repugnance to their manners and ideas. 
 It is our privilege, as it is the privilege of all men, to 
 amuse ourselves and others at the expense of those who 
 offend by the exhibition of certain habits of life which 
 are at variance with good taste, and a libel on humanity. 
 We do not suppose we shall escape the animadversions of 
 the individuals whom we have hit ; and it is possible we 
 may be hit in return. We do not apprehend, however, 
 I* 
 
VI PREFACE. 
 
 any very serious bruises ; none, at least, that we shall not, 
 in our good physical condition, be able to survive. We 
 have thought there are a large number of sensible people 
 in this community, who would welcome any attempt to 
 put down the insolence of that monied aristocraoy, which 
 is so insuiferable, and so vulgar, eminating as it does from 
 narrow minds, infected with the coarsest ambition and 
 weakest moral tone. We claim no especial merit for 
 the verse, aside from its purpose ; and we sincerely trust 
 that no critic will be stupid enough to criticize us as a 
 poet, as was the case when we put forth our former pro 
 duction, "The Walk." Upon that occasion an astute 
 somebody, who was attached to the Saturday Eveuiny 
 Express, availed himself of his position to laugh at our 
 poetry, when any one but a chucklehead a full-blooded 
 bumpkin would have seen with half an eye the verse 
 was intended as doggerel, and pretended to nothing more. 
 But unfortunately for authors, as we have hinted in our 
 present production, the press is sadly deficient in good 
 literary critical talent. Men who write up the news of 
 the day set themselves up as censors and judges of author 
 ship, when, in point of fact, they are, in many cases, 
 totally ignorant of the subject they make bold to handle. 
 We have only to say, so far as we are concerned it is a 
 matter of no moment whether they are quacks or not ; but 
 there are those who seek through their genius the public 
 favor, and endeavor to earn a livelihood by their pen. 
 Such ought to be spared the stupidity of critics who can 
 not write their vernacular correctly, and do not know a 
 " hawk from a hernshaw." 
 
 With these remarks, by way of preface, we respectfully 
 invite the reader to the banquet of amusement which is 
 embodied in " Our Modern Athens; or, Who is First?" 
 If encouraged in this little affair, we shall continue our 
 efforts to assist in beating down those notions, peculiar to 
 a certain class in this community, which, while innocent 
 enough in themselves, operate deleteriously on persons at 
 large. 
 
PREFACE. VII 
 
 We have in MS. a novel, with the same title as this 
 verse, (although entirely independent of it), which would 
 make up into a book of about 600 pp. 12ino. It covers 
 the whole ground of snobbery, and displays in full the 
 ideas of all classes of citizens. We have offered it to the 
 publishers, and although they think it "an original and 
 capital thing," it is our misfortune to be a neAV author; 
 and their policy is not to make authors, but to be made 
 by them. Truly a cute notion. 
 
 We subjoin a synopsis of our novel, and should be 
 happy of any offers of publication from those who are de 
 sirous of seeing the sham aristocracy of Boston cuffed 
 most soundly, in a work full of incident and dramatic 
 effect. 
 
 OUR MODERN ATHENS; Or, WHO is FIRST? 
 A Novel. By ANICETUS. 
 
 This novel opens with a disquisition on wealth, em 
 bodying the Socratic idea. Then follows a scene with a 
 beggar, in which he is kicked from the door-steps of the 
 dwelling of a snob, a wealthy aristocrat residing on 
 one of the most fashionable streets. A little boy. by the 
 name of Willie Andrews, observing the act, stops and 
 commiserates him; he is soon joined by a little girl, 
 named Nelly Penniman, a playmate. The father of the 
 girl passes, who is another purse-proud snob, and in an 
 angry manner sends the girl home, commanding her 
 never again to be seen in the company of beggars and low 
 boys musician s sons ! Willie Andrews goes home with 
 the beggar, determined to be his friend. The beggar 
 dies from the effect of his ill treatment, on the bosom of 
 Andrews, to whom he bequeaths a pet dog, called " Bone." 
 Nelly Penniman, whom Willie loved, had been prevented 
 all association with the boy. She forms an intimacy with 
 a college student, by name McAlpin, the son of a man of 
 wealth and genius. This alliance is presented so as to 
 define clearly the manner in which mere snobbery works 
 
VIIE PREFACE. 
 
 itself in with true refinement and culture. The marriage 
 is fully sketched, and the sharpest ridicule is fired at the 
 ceremony, which took place in church, whence all were 
 excluded not expressly invited. Willie s disgust at the 
 pride of the Pennimans ; his sorrow at Nelly s desertion 
 of him ; his vow of revenge ; his father s noble charge to 
 let his virtues be his revenge. Ida Robinson ; her inti 
 macy with Willie stated. The mysterious box taken 
 from the beggar s room ; its record of the beggar. Willie 
 fears his love for Ida is not a true passion ; her misery. 
 Boston Common sketched, and some noted citizens por- 
 tratured ; passing of the snobs in their carriages through 
 the adjacent streets. Willie and Ida s walk ; their com 
 ments on the families whose dwellings they pass. The 
 Pennimans soundly laughed at, with their large and costly 
 library unread; the ball they give in honor of ^ their 
 daughter s wedding sketched and satirized. Willie s 
 clerkship to the Catchpennies, who are persons aiming to 
 get into the Penniman set. The Catchpennies tea-table ; 
 meeting there of snobs, among whom are Mrs. Touchme- 
 not and her daughter Clasp-me-tighter ; Willie s bold talk, 
 and the Touchmenots indignation; Mrs. Catchpenny s 
 discomforture ; her daughter s nonchalance ; Wille s re 
 treat from the house ; an amusing conversation between 
 Mrs. Catchpenny and her daughter, on "sets." Willie 
 in the Public Garden, on the evening of his retreat from 
 the Catchpennies tea-table ; his merriment while seated 
 on one of the benches, over Mrs. Touchmenot s rage. 
 The strange woman ; her meeting with Willie ; their recog 
 nition; Willie s happiness to have met once again the girl 
 who sang so sweetly and was so beautiful, whom he had 
 seen for the first time when he accompanied the beggar 
 home, in a small house directly opposite the beggar s 
 home ; their walk. The man in a black cloak ; his mys 
 terious appearance; Willie s apprehensions; the woman s 
 caution ; Willie s encounter with the ruffian ; the oath ; 
 the woman s (Agnes Farrady s) account of this man a 
 broken-down aristocrat, who wanted her for a mistress. 
 
PREFACE. IX 
 
 Willie s discharge from the Catchpennies ; his enemies ; 
 his courage and self-reliance ; his mother s tears ; an 
 affecting interview. Agnes Farrady denounced ; Willie s 
 defence ; the meeting of Agnes, Willie, and his mother 
 and father; their acceptance of Agnes; her excentric 
 course of life satisfactorily explained. Old Mr. Andrews 
 death ; his explanation of the process of death, while under 
 going dissolution. Agnes success in reforming harlots; 
 their gratitude. Prostitution pictured, and the means 
 suggested to circumscribe it, and root it out. The sons- 
 in-law of the Pennimans shown in their dissipated habits. 
 Agnes and Willie ; her history continued ; their sweet 
 love. The Atlays ! a family of true dignity ; their con 
 trast with snobs. Lucy Atlay s interest in Willie An 
 drews stated. Art discussed. Augustus Hamilton the 
 friend of Willie; his love of Lucy considered. Mrs. 
 Robert McAlpin (formerly Miss Nelly Permiman) writes 
 from Italy ; her letters, in which Mrs. McAlpin states her 
 dear Robert will drink, and is so self-willed there is no 
 doing anything with him. Agnes Farrady ; her encounter 
 with the ruffian who conceals himself in her house ; his 
 death. Ida Robertson s love for Willie ; her jealousy of 
 Agnes ; her interview with Willie ; her rage and death. 
 Willie s home at Lexington described ; his genius consid 
 ered ; his study of the law ; Agnes Farrady s love sustains 
 him; true happiness pictured. Mrs. McAlpin s return 
 from Europe ; her visit to Willie ; her offensive manners ; 
 her repulse. Round Hill Water-cure introduced; co 
 quetry illustrated. Nahant ; snobbery drawn, as observed 
 at this fashionable watering-place. Mrs. McAlpin s in 
 terview here with a southerner ; her husband s rage ; the 
 quarrel ; the combat ; flight of parties from Nahant ; the 
 scandal-mongers at work. Captain Gasious, a half-breed 
 Cuban, and the Touchmenots. Mrs. Penniman s agita 
 tion at the reports about her children ; meeting of snobs 
 at her house to tea ; the Catchpennies feel insulted, and 
 retire in a rage. Willie Andrews reputation as a lawyer ; 
 his great success ; he gains a suit against old Penniman, 
 
X PREFACE. 
 
 who sneered at him when a boy, because a musician s son. 
 A famous drinking saloon; Captain Gasious and fashion 
 able young men drawn ; Willie Andrews meeting, at this 
 place, with Robert McAlpin ; his superiority illustrated, 
 and his bold defiance of all pretention unsupported by 
 merit. Willie s meeting with old Penniman ; their mutual 
 disgust ; the triumph of Willie s eye ; the parvenu and 
 snob awed by the power of merit. The Pennimans cha 
 grin at Willie s prosperity ; he was rapidly rising, while 
 McAlpin was rapidly falling ; their regrets that Nelly 
 did not marry Andrews. Agnes and Willie ; their pop 
 ularity in society ; the praise lavished upon them. Wil 
 lie, who is now a member of the Suffolk Bar, is regarded 
 as a most promising lawyer ; he again wins a suit against 
 Penniman ; the old man s rage ; his wife s mortification at 
 being obliged to give up her carriage ; their fear and hate 
 of Andrews. Old Penniman s depression. Captain Gas 
 ious and Mrs. Penniman ; their indiscretion : Penniman s 
 discovery ; his sudden death. The Catchpennies failure ; 
 their shame. Robert McAlpin s death ; his family s joy ; 
 Nelly McAlpin s visit to Willie s office ; her love for him 
 expressed ; his indifference ; her madness and death. The 
 Atlays friendship for Willie rewarded ; Lucy is married 
 to his bosom friend, Hamilton. Hamilton and Willie s 
 mutual love contrasted with the heartlessness of snobbery. 
 Mrs. Penniman s death, and the full triumph of Willie 
 over those who had sneered at him when a boy ; fulfil 
 ling the charge of his father, to revenge himself for the 
 insult of the Pennimans by his virtues ; and realizing 
 the words of the old beggar, that in his eye was a genius 
 which in future years would make him famed. 
 
 This is but a faint outline of the work, from which 
 may be gathered something of its scope and design. Any 
 one who has $1500 to $2000 to risk in the publication 
 of this novel can have the MS. for examination, by apply 
 ing to the author, through Redding & Co., 8 State St. 
 
 A. 
 
 January, 1860. 
 
WEALTH is the smallest thing on earth, the least gift that God 
 has bestowed on mankind. What is it in comparison with God s 
 word 7 what in comparison with corporal gifts, or those of the under 
 standing wisdom ! Yet are men most eager after it when it has 
 neither material, formal, efficient, nor final cause, nor anything else 
 that is good ; therefore our Lord God commonly gives riches to those 
 from whom he withholds spiritual good. 
 
 MARTIN LUTHER S "Table Talk." 
 
 This much the poet must necessarily borrow from the philosopher, 
 as to be master of the common topics of morality. He must at least be 
 speciously honest, and in all appearance a friend of virtue throughout 
 his poem. The good and wise will abate him nothing in this kind ; 
 and the people, though corrupt, are, in the main, best satisfied with 
 his conduct. SHAFTSBURY. 
 
 It is with narrew-souled people as with narrow-necked bottles : the 
 less they have in them, the more noise they make in pouring out. 
 
 POPE. 
 
 So in the grave shall we as quiet lie, 
 Miss d by some few that loved our company ; 
 But some so like to thorns and nettles live, 
 That when they perish none for them can grieve. 
 
 WALLER. From the French. 
 
OUR MODERN ATHENS; 
 
 O R, 
 
 WHO IS FIRST? 
 
 OUR MODERN ATHENS ! great in little things, 
 
 In notions vast, whence pride exultant springs ; 
 
 Stuffed with great men whose tough and hard-worked brains, 
 
 Ne er weary thinking with the greatest pains ; 
 
 Known to the world as the fine city where, 
 
 Talent is cherished with the tend rest care ; 
 
 Ilich in commerce, banks, and the art of trade, 
 
 Which cities build where men their gold parade ; 
 
 We hail thee great in little things and big, 
 
 When caution may be used, yet cutely hid ; 
 
 Be ours the task to trace in jingling rhyme, 
 
 Thy snobs and worthies of the present time ; 
 
 Be ours the task to tell in what thou art 
 
 Nonsensical, in what supremely smart ; 
 
 To point the eye to those who rate as first, 
 
 And wield the power of the kingly purse. 
 
 In days of yore, when freedom was a joy, 
 And in sweet truth our fathers sought employ, 
 2 
 
14 OUR MODERN 
 
 Living to learn life s solemn duties well, 
 
 Unmixed with atheist, Jew, or infidel, 
 
 There was a glory stern in Pilgrim mind, 
 
 In vain we look in later days to find. 
 
 Not that we would in all the Pilgrim be, 
 
 Assume his virtues and deformity ; 
 
 No ; but from decay we would gladly save, 
 
 The manners plain that marked him to the grave ; 
 
 The honor true with which he dealt with man, 
 
 And lived a Christian in a Christian land. 
 
 Unlike to these are they who now possess, 
 The soil whereon a nation s birthplace rests. 
 Their god is mammon, their high hopes are here, 
 Where beef is fat, and cheap is lager beer ; 
 Where getting dimes at sure and rapid rate, 
 Is deemed the freedom foremost in the State. 
 Heaven may be, yet what more bliss divine, 
 Can mortals know " than living to their mind," 
 Blessed with spring beds, good sleep, and all besides, - 
 From genteel servants to most genteel wives ? 
 Merry they go, and merry, sometimes fall ; 
 By " rushing business," tempting to be " tall ;" 
 But that s no matter ; up they get again, 
 And " at it go," like fresh and hopeful men. 
 
 " Our Modern Athens," killed with pride and fuss, 
 Is of earth earthy, must return to dust ; 
 Then why should she turn up her attic nose 
 At other cities, which less of thinking does, 
 Of getting, keeping, making a fine show, 
 Of learning, trading, how things aught to go ? 
 Our Boston Yankee, like his city grand, 
 Is a cute, staid, and, O, most proper man ! 
 
OK, WHO IS FIRST? 15 
 
 If he s to teach he teaches with an air, 
 
 That signifies he sjirst, and dares compare; 
 
 There s no degree he will accept but first ; 
 
 And sooner than be second would be hers d, 
 
 For the tomb and lay his insulted head, 
 
 Amid the ashes of his kindred dead. 
 
 First ! ay, there is no proper grade but that, 
 
 Which each assume, from genius to the flat ; 
 
 But not alone th author and pedagogue, 
 
 Would command from men obedient nod ; 
 
 This self-esteem and love of fame prevail 
 
 In quarters all, each attic breast assail. 
 
 The boy with papers giving latest news, 
 
 " All for one cent," with ardor is infused ; 
 
 He would bo first to spread about the town 
 
 Some murder horrible ! some act profound ! 
 
 His dirty face, his ragged clothes, bare feet, 
 
 Are no embarrassment ; for he s a " Greek " 
 
 Of " Modern Athens ;" and who dare dispute, 
 
 His right and title to be Athens cute ? 
 
 He 11 hand you papers of an ancient date, 
 
 Get his pay and leave you to meditate, 
 
 Upon the sell your unsuspicious wit, 
 
 Hinted to him as a good attic hit. 
 
 These boys are haughty, and would dare be first ; 
 
 Loud cry the news, and for high knowledge thirst : 
 
 They know that men once shoeless as themselves, 
 
 Have risen high by sixes and by twelves ; 
 
 They know " their country is not yet fenced in ;" 
 
 That they may swell from Gotham to the Ind. ; 
 
 Of " Modern Athens," too, that " dear, sweet spot ! " 
 
 To be of which is well, where er our lot 
 
 Is cast, whether neath the warm tropic sun, 
 
 Mid llussia s snows, or where action was begun. 
 
16 OUR MODERN ATHENS; 
 
 Thus it is plain that e en the paper boy, 
 Is full o attic vim and craves employ, 
 By which he may ascend the steep of fame, 
 And write upon its scroll his pauper name.* 
 He would be first, not merely with the news, 
 But would control the State ! and thus amused, 
 Bethink him how he can his trust abuse, 
 So that the people dear, though Argus eyed, 
 May not suspect a wrong unrectified. 
 He is a rascal ! so his foes declare ; 
 But friends, befooled, denounce the charge unfair ; 
 Not they believe that such a self-made sage, 
 Would honor compromise for base vantage. 
 A man of books, he has well learned the way, 
 Of truth, virtue, from Plato down to Clay ; 
 His spacious brain by suction has obtained 
 To know the facts and fancies of each reign, 
 In each kingdom, since the full, cooling flood, 
 Cleansed the earth of its early lust and blood ; 
 He s sought to know, and knowing, has perceived, 
 
 * In thus alluding to the self-reliance, energy, and audacity of those 
 who rise to power by the force of their own wit and gumption, it is not 
 our wish to be understood as being condemnatory of any persons am 
 bitious to rule ; for, as we must either lead or follow, it is quite natural 
 that those who have executive ability should desire to gain positions 
 where they can make themselves felt. There can be no objection to 
 this spirit ; but there may be a very reasonable objection to the man 
 ner in which advancement is obtained ; and here rests our objection. 
 We affirm, directly and without equivocation, that there is altogether 
 too much pushing, gouging, and fraud on the part of those who are 
 identified with the material interests of society, and who seek both 
 public and private stations of honor ; and we furthermore predict, that 
 unless a higher code of morals obtains, among those who lead in 
 American circles, within the present century will begin the breaking 
 up of all government, in this country, which is based and alone 
 based upon the general public conscience. When justice becomes 
 obsolete, between man and man, there is no possibility that the idea 
 of liberty, as embodied in our noble institutions, can bo maintained 
 and carried out. This is a self-evident proposition, apparent to the 
 most superficial thinker. 
 
ISFIRST? 17 
 
 The method most judicious to deceive ; 
 
 He would be first, and so he s climbed with care, 
 
 Washed his dirty face, combed his matted hair ; 
 
 Put on clean linen, clad his bootless feet, 
 
 And smiles and smirks, as he may deem discreet. 
 
 Thus have we first the top knot of the town 
 
 Your bellowing newsboy, vender o popped corn. 
 
 All hail, ye ardent workers for high place ! 
 
 And damned be he who would deny thee grace ; 
 
 Enter yon dignified patrician s door, 
 
 Whence thou d been kicked when known as meanly poor ; 
 
 Look at his daughter fair, just ripe to pluck ; 
 
 Demand her, sir, and note your wondrous luck ; 
 
 Take her to thee, and graft upon this stock, 
 
 Thine own pure blood ! though flowing from a dock, 
 
 Or butcher s stall, where nice calves head and pluck 
 
 Are sold for nine-pence, with a goose or duck, 
 
 Get the daughter of this most vain, proud sir, 
 
 And kill your grease with Lubin s lavender ; 
 
 Your fame will help to lubricate your name ; 
 
 And merry goes the day, while rank s maintained ; 
 
 But fail, Sir Parvenu ! and who can say, 
 
 Your wife, so proud, may not put you out th way, 
 
 To gain another, who may chance retrieve 
 
 What she hath lost in thee so much deceived ! 
 
 Such things have happened, where foul " dirt has mix d 
 
 Itself with qual ty;" and a crucifix 
 
 Has thus been reared, whereon patrician name, 
 
 Has fall n a victim to the thirst for fame, 
 
 Above its reach but snatched by some bold hand, 
 
 Rising from nothing to give high command. 
 
 In " Modern Athens " as in noted spots 
 The " blooded folks " will get mixed with the outs ; 
 
18 
 
 And when they do, unless these outs are " game," 
 " The road s a hard one," and a thorn is fame, 
 Both mong men fighting for its possession, 
 And with wife at home, gainst her oppression. 
 " It was a condescension, sir, when I, 
 The dear loved daughter of Ignatious Spy, 
 Whose lineage dates back to, I know not where, 
 Consented thus to merge my name so fair, 
 In that of yours stained with plebean blood, 
 And ne er till now mong those of honor heard. 
 Yes, sir, 1 feel within my veins a fame 
 Which is above, beyond, your puny name." 
 So rattles she, this daughter o the Spys, 
 Stuffed with foul pride and strangest fantacies ; 
 Her nose is up at all whom she suspects, 
 Laughs at her nonsense and much disrespects, 
 Her pretence of blood, and " all that sort o thing," 
 Which brainless egotists delight to talk and sing. 
 O, we believe in blood ! we d buy a bull, 
 Or animal of any kind, known to be full 
 Of healthy blood, and of the soundest stock 
 So, too, we d deal with man ; and, pray, why not ? 
 Ho is an animal ; has marked this earth 
 With his tyrant hoof, from its primal birth ; 
 Marked it with hate, and scorn, and bloody death ; 
 Tainted the air with his perfideous breath ; 
 Throttled sweet innocence, and scouted truth, 
 To serve his baseness, pander to his mirth. 
 O, yes, if worth there is to his fallen soul, 
 W d put it in a line and let it roll, 
 Unbroken down from age to age, the gift 
 Of sturdiest virtue for tis not a myth ; 
 It has a being, though more often found, 
 Mong those who aim to do, with least of sound. 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 19 
 
 There are, in " Modern Athens," many flats, 
 
 Who talk of blood and noted blooded saps ; 
 
 And seek by talk to give their name a tow, 
 
 honor to which no record can be borne ; 
 
 They aim by falsehood, and by sheer pretence, 
 
 Unmerited to win a consequence ; 
 
 Hear aloft their heads and think they tower, 
 
 With those who wield an honest blooded power. 
 
 They are heraldic quacks, and should be pushed, 
 
 Out of their falsehoods to a better use. 
 
 We believe in blood ! we know virtue runs, 
 
 In certain courses as revolve the suns ! 
 
 That t is transmitted through unerring law, 
 
 To those evolved from out its being s core ; 
 
 But they, all conscious of the gem that s their s , 
 
 Boast not its keeping, or its beauty wears, 
 
 With haughty brow, but with true dignity, 
 
 Unaw d by snobs or bold vulgarity : 
 
 They pass through life most faithful to their trust, 
 
 And, as they came, so back return to dust ; 
 
 If mated they aim to be equal matched. 
 
 To live in honor, and to die attached. 
 
 These are aristocrats we think of need, 
 
 In " Modern Athens " if we would be freed, 
 
 From a race of mongrels Jove only knows, 
 
 From whom and what they got their " upish nose." 
 
 We believe in blood ; we think it sound sense, 
 
 To have faithful record of the source whence, 
 
 Our life has come, our morals, and our mind, 
 
 To trace distinctly our ancestral line. 
 
 It is a good, it is a noble thought, 
 
 To be in junction with past ages brought, 
 
 " To feel, to see, to know, and to possess," 
 
 The precise lineage of life s progress. 
 
20 OUR MODERN ATHENS, 
 
 But your pretentious somebody who turns, 
 A dollar dexterously, oft hurls 
 Proud airs at those who do not bend the neck, 
 Because he s rich, and is with mammon decked, 
 (Knowing the means whereby he s made a rise, 
 From some small beer-shop by the force of lies ; 
 Seeing, too, he s got a gaudy coat of arms, 
 Not his by right, but sweet stolen charms, 
 Taken for show on which he " cuts a swell," 
 With signet ring, or carriage and a belle, 
 Some damsel pretty sold to him for gold, 
 Whose mind is bounded by her stylish home ! 
 Your "blooded folks," who are indeed a fact, 
 Look on and laugh at this pretentious pack, 
 Of upstart money-changers who would be, 
 Kings, in their way, and o erride gentil ty.) 
 They would \>Q first, and so they are, indeed ; 
 But last in true refinement, cultured breed. 
 The potent dollar in " Modern Athens," 
 To all her populace itself commends ; 
 And your fine monied man will e er be one, 
 To gather toadies as flies seek the sun ; 
 So he will fancy thus compass d, carressed, 
 His worth a treasure and his fame the best ; 
 T is not until he s stricken with a blow, 
 From fate which stuns him, lays him humbly low, 
 That he begins to scent how mean a man, 
 He is to all who knew him in command : 
 And e en to those who incense offered up, 
 To " his great talent," drank his social cup ; 
 But yesterday first, to-day sorrowed wretch, 
 Seeking to borrow tumbled in the ditch ! 
 
 Doth see yon slim form, haggered brow, wild eye, 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 21 
 
 He once was first, and lived expensively ; 
 Gave sumptuous dinners, cracked clever jokes, 
 And talked most witty with the " finest folks." 
 He came to Athens when a shirtless boy, 
 And himself apprenticed in a snob s employ ; 
 The snob was pleased with his cute ready wit, 
 And put him forward as did best befit, 
 So smart a chap whose head was hard and clear, 
 And grasped at once the business o the year ; 
 Could take a tradesman by the button-hole, 
 And sell him goods most needed to be sold, 
 When he, the trader, did not wish to buy, 
 These things put on him by a wit most sly ; 
 He was a chap who could three columns add 
 Up, multiply, subtract, divide, and sad 
 Alone when some shaved fellow broke and paid, 
 Sixpence on a dollar, and damned all trade : 
 Of great self-control ne er was he in wrath, 
 But kept with nice prudence the pleasant path, 
 Upward to mingle with Athens great men, 
 Punch them in the ribs as one would a friend ; 
 He flourished for a time while " in feather 
 Full," and out of hard and stormy weather ; 
 But, when the gale did come, k it swept his decks, 
 Started his timbers," laid him with the wrecks, 
 Beneath the sea of fortune, where are placed 
 The lovely, the false, honor, and disgrace. 
 His wife forsook him, his children turned way, 
 And caused the sire to curse their natal day ; 
 Proud in spirit, quite broken in his heart, 
 He stands before you in the drunkard s part ; 
 Not as an actor, but as the man himself, 
 Who fears to die, though life has nothing left, 
 To cheer his soul or melt his hardened brow, 
 
22 OUR MODERN ATHENS 
 
 Where once was love and joy all vanished now ; 
 "The first shall be last, the last shall be first," 
 Saith holy writ ! Athenians, heed that verse ; 
 And, when from circumstance ye are above, 
 The hard-worked masses, think not to approve 
 Thy wisdom, or vaunt thyself " born to rule," 
 For, e er thou think st it, fate may dub thee fool ! 
 Thy trappings costly unto others give, 
 Once spurned by thee, will never thee forgive. 
 
 There dwells in yonder mansion formed of stone, 
 
 Facing the East, a man of great " back bone ; " 
 
 A phrase not elegant, but yet approved, 
 
 By Young America, that anti-prude ; 
 
 " He s made up of money " has lazy sons, 
 
 Who sport lazy wives on father s income ; 
 
 Pass by th common on any pleasant day, 
 
 And you may see these " silken jacks " at play ; 
 
 Strutting about with canes and knowing look, 
 
 As though each head were a well ordered book ; 
 
 They ve little ones, too, and a carriage fine, 
 
 Servants to follow a cellar of wine, 
 
 Old as Methuselah imported for, 
 
 Their use alone mean drinking is a bore ; 
 
 These are first, though how to earn a dollar, 
 
 They do not know, t is knowledge so vulgar ! 
 
 Their father s wealth, amassed by rise in lands, 
 
 Is so convenient, ready of command, 
 
 Why should they perplex their " sweet-scented heads," 
 
 And load with cares their now delightful beds ? 
 
 Why should they " with the vulgar rabble mix," 
 
 And turn a penny by th rule o three or six ? 
 
 They don t like tofiyure, save on the road, 
 
 At Newport or Nahant, at Rome or llhodes ; 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 23 
 
 They re first ! figure else they might come last, 
 
 And with other saps to oblivion pass. 
 
 We would not handle roughly these " nice men," 
 
 Who crawl through life as easy as they can ; 
 
 Yet, we should prove but a careless critic, 
 
 To fail to notice their position civic ; 
 
 They re first ! ! they rank among the leading ton 
 
 To drink their wine and claim their tongue, 
 
 Would be to pass as something more than that, 
 
 Which gains you entrance to Mr. Peter Pat s ; 
 
 For Peter, though a man of generous parts, 
 
 Is not a patron of the finest arts, 
 
 That is, he buys a painting now and then, 
 
 And " takes a drink " with noble-hearted men ; 
 
 But he does not pride himself on greatness, 
 
 Nor sport a carriage in his kids and best ; 
 
 He has a wife, but she, good soul is pleased, 
 
 To dress in calico, and live at ease ; 
 
 She knows enough ; she 11 talk all day with you, 
 
 In any language on any subject, too ; 
 
 She s not abashed because her husband says, 
 
 " Laura, my dear, to me it oft appears, 
 
 We re poor in comparison to those snooks, 
 
 With perfumed whiskers and well polished boots." 
 
 She laughs, and says, " My darling husband, know 
 
 That I, your Laura, with you dare to go, 
 
 In any presence great soe er its mine 
 
 Of learning, or of trade-begotten coin ; 
 
 Ideas, my love, they are our forte, and who 
 
 Can outface knowledge or its strength undo ; 
 
 We may not rank us first amid that band, 
 
 Of hardened sinners taxed on stocks and land ; 
 
 But in the wealth of virtue and of soul, 
 
 We sum a figure greater than their whole." 
 
24 II R M D E R N 
 
 Though " Modern Athens " may give loudest praise, 
 
 To those who tread successful mammon s ways, 
 
 She yet can feel and yet can cherish mind, 
 
 That scorns to worship lucre, and to find, 
 
 In its sensual pleasure that keen joy, 
 
 Which many know in having its employ ; 
 
 She yet can love the student and the man, 
 
 Whose soul expansive spurns the trading band, 
 
 Of tricky merchants whose sole aim is gold, 
 
 Getting into place, gaining the control, 
 
 Of material interests which debase, 
 
 The heart and its divinity deface ; 
 
 She yet can feel how noble is that life, 
 
 Which asks but little from the world s mean strife, 
 
 Of passions poised with deadly aim and scope, 
 
 To beat down justice and to o ercome hope ; 
 
 She yet can know how noble t is to be, 
 
 A freeman true the guard of liberty ! 
 
 First, 0, first ! that is the great, grand idea, 
 
 On which " Modern Athens " doth boldly rear, 
 
 Its haughty crest steeped in satanic pride, 
 
 Which damns all union, and all hearts divide* 
 
 * " In the foregoing vision, I saw everything just as you all will per 
 ceive forms and objects, with the penetrating eyes or senses of the 
 spirit, after you have passed away from the body, at physical death. 
 It was very beautiful to see everything clothed with an atmosphere. 
 And in each mineral, vegetable, and animal I saw something of man ! 
 In truth the whole system of creation seemed to me like the fragments 
 of human beings. In the beaver I saw one faculty of the human mind ; 
 in the fox, another ; in the wolf, another ; in the horse, another ; in 
 the lion, another ; and so, throughout the entire mass of the spirally 
 progressive and concentric circles of mineral, vegetable, and animal 
 life, I could discern certain relationships to, and indications of, man. 
 Had I then possessed the language, I could have truthfully exclaimed, 
 in the words of the poet psalmist, 
 
 * Herbs gladly cure our flesh, because that they 
 
 Find their acquaintance there. 
 
 * * < * * 
 
 All things unto our flesh are kind. 
 
 Understood in this high sense, how instructive and appropriate was 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 25 
 
 Tom Jones and Ned Smith were friends till proud Tom, 
 
 Was lucky and got a " fine smashing run, 
 
 Of paying trade," that gave to him the means, 
 
 Of dining on rare birds, stead of pork and beans ; 
 
 He s now first ! and Smith " may go where he will ; " 
 
 Tom s in another sphere, Smith s vulgar still ; 
 
 Tom has forgot his friend s an honest man, 
 
 Worthy to share his luck, with him to stand ; 
 
 No, no, that won t do proud Tom Jones is first, 
 
 He s now a Banker, visits Madam Curse ; 
 
 For him to carry up a long tried friend, 
 
 Would not be usual, might strangely end ; 
 
 Smith might put himself where Mr. Jones would be, 
 
 Chief in command, and from all Smiths be free ; 
 
 No, no ; to get up among the first is, 
 
 Something done which the world greatly prizes ; 
 
 Jones can t afford to dispense equalt y ; 
 
 T would be vulgar not in conformity 
 
 To genteel usage ; and Jones would be true, 
 
 To what he deems his new position s due. 
 
 Thus may be seen how snobs engendered are, 
 
 The warm solicitude and tender care, 
 
 Peter s vision (related in the 10th chapter of Acts), in which he saw 
 a great white sheet let down from heaven, containing all manner of 
 four-footed beasts, creeping things, &c., and was told to slay and eat. 
 All this was simply saying thus : Peter, thou needest not feel too 
 exclusive, too partial, too aristocratic, too high minded, and above 
 the meanest of thy fellow-men, nor yet above the little worm that 
 crawls beneath thy feet ; for behold, thou art related to every four- 
 footed beast and creeping thing that the Lord has made. Acknowl 
 edge, therefore, thine universal relationships and sympathies, and be 
 lenient to every thing that lives. There are too many that need 
 Peter s lesson. They, like him, shrink from this new method of trac 
 ing out their genealogy and ancestral derivations, and say they are 
 not used to eating unclean things. But the time is fast approach 
 ing when mankind will feel their oneness with nature and with na 
 ture s God, to the total annihilation of all narrow-mindedness and 
 empty superficiality." THE GREAT HARMONIA. 
 
 3 
 
OUR MODERN 
 
 They meet from those in sympathy with things, 
 
 Of human shape but most inhuman whims ! 
 
 We sorrow thus to write ; we keenly feel, 
 
 Howe er that duty bids us to reveal, 
 
 The rot that festers round the heart of life, 
 
 And needs the cleansing of th dissecting knife. 
 
 We scorn the mean, the coward sneak and fool, 
 
 Who puts on airs because t is his to rule ; 
 
 We know no honor in the name of first, 
 
 Less station is applied to honor s use ; 
 
 If men do toil for power but to press 
 
 Dependents, and to jeer at their distress, 
 
 We say the time has come when hope is o er, 
 
 In human love and truth a trust no more. 
 
 When, when, will that happy day arrive, 
 
 When right shall triumph, naught the mind divide ! 
 
 When man to man shall bear a brother s love, 
 
 And seek to do what conscience may approve ? 
 
 When all shall be advanced, considered first ! 
 
 And nature cease to groan neath Eden s curse. 
 
 There are in " Modern Athens " many hearts, 
 That beat responsive to most gen rous parts ; 
 We meet them daily in our wonted walks, 
 And love to ponder o er their noble thoughts, 
 Expressed in works that will long point to them, 
 As nature s true and honored noblemen ! 
 They are first ! o er all the world such mind is 
 Foremost in deeds of courtesy, with ease 
 Projecting plans of charity and worth, 
 To human int rests o ev ry form on earth ; 
 They live for usefulness, to please their God ; 
 To double the talents he did accord, 
 To them expectant of a full return, 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 27 
 
 That they eternal blessings shall have earned, 
 From him, the King of kings ! above all forms, 
 Creator vast, whom boundless law informs ; 
 We meet them in our walks, and feel a pride, 
 That in " Modern Athens " wit doth abide, 
 Not pointed merely to the goal of first, 
 But eager to mitigate th primal curse, 
 To do, to be, in ail things great and just, 
 In sympathy with all, from last to first ! 
 They are first ! and tho unpossessed of gold, 
 Would still be first in purpose and in soul. 
 
 Behold that bald, gray-headed patriarch, 
 In form erect, with eye deep-set and dark ; 
 The " soul of honor," and the pride of men, 
 He numbers quite full four score years and ten \, 
 Soon must the grave close o er his earthly frame, 
 And happier scenes invite to nobler aim, 
 Than can be followed in this darkened sphere, 
 Where chanye and meanness burden ev ry year. 
 Gifted in knowledge, guide of youth and age, 
 Old Harvard s ex-president, warm friend, sage, 
 Past-mayor of Athens ! whose dauntless will, 
 Gave her a market ; so, too, th poor from ill, 
 Shielded with an Ajax resistless force, 
 And onward bore the city in its course, 
 Of new tried government through much of fire, 
 That passion kindled with a wild desire. 
 All honor to his mem ry ! o er his grave, 
 May roses bloom by th weeping willow s shade. 
 Stately in form, with sound and piercing wit, 
 Th son is worthy in father s place to sit, 
 Ready at dinner with savans to blaze, 
 In th radiant lustre of ac demic rays, 
 
28 OUR MODERN 
 
 Or mong men of meaner parts to play, 
 
 At bus ness from politics to railway : 
 
 It matters not to him where he drops in, 
 
 He s sure to deal his easy wit and win : 
 
 He walks and looks the sense that girts his brain ; 
 
 In conversation free, in manners plain, 
 
 Honored by Athens, worthy to bear, 
 
 His classic name, and father s fame to share. 
 
 These are first ! and proud Athens knows it too, 
 
 Though sometimes lax in giving worth its due. 
 
 To such as these she owes her note abroad, 
 
 The first in all things, money, pen, and sword ! 
 
 When merchants cute by artful traffic mount, 
 
 High on change and hard dollars grandly count ; 
 
 They should bethink them not in money is, 
 
 The awful grandeur Gas-bag fancies his. 
 
 No, no ; Gas-bag is befooled, his success 
 
 In trade, or what-not, has so dispossess d 
 
 His better nature (if e er one he had), 
 
 Of generous culture, that his English bad, 
 
 Refuses carriage of all thoughts but those, 
 
 "Which shave the notes alike of friends and foes ; 
 
 He is so pleased to see his children bow, 
 
 To all above him, but no one below ; 
 
 Yet, when he thinks he s not exactly first, 
 
 He damns all trade, sighs o er deceptive purse, 
 
 Goes to his God, kneels in most humble prayer, 
 
 For pardon sweet for thinking gold so fair ! 
 
 And so they go, in " Modern Athens " fine, 
 
 Who hope to triumph by jew lry and wine, 
 
 Fine houses, horses, fat wives and girls, 
 
 Whose nights are wakeful keeping hair in curls, 
 
 Whose stomachs tender have pouched on their hearts, 
 
 Till a lover is as they would a tart, 
 
FIRST? 29 
 
 Or cream, or any other juicy bit, 
 
 Of fashionable and taking sweet-meat. 
 
 The vainest they of all the fools in town, 
 
 Wriggling through the street girt in whalebone, 
 
 Or steel, or brass, or substance quite well known, 
 
 To shopmen who live by noting o these first, 
 
 That they may learn to ope their tight-closed purse. 
 
 Poor things ! they want husbands, but mama, pa, 
 
 Seek to purchase name shining from afar ! 
 
 Which doth promise if they could but get it, 
 
 A trade superlative a splendid profit ; 
 
 They want their sons and daughters to mount high, 
 
 And though they re first ! they ought not to rely, 
 
 On their position till annexed to those, 
 
 Whose blood and brains are equal to all foes. 
 
 And so it goes, and so the brassy rich, 
 
 Give themselves airs a certain kind of hitch 
 
 Which notes them first, but last in all that s high ; 
 
 Above the region of counters, soap, and dye : 
 They go abroad, in foreign lands to roam,* 
 When their country s fame bids them stay at home ; 
 Unlettered and untaught in all that s trice, 
 They cut such figure as loud peacocks do, 
 With spread tails on a damp and cloudy day, 
 With none to applaud their fine vain display ; 
 They hurry off and hurry home content, 
 
 * It is proverbial, that of the number of Americans who go abroad 
 every year, comparatively few are enabled to associate with the higher 
 circles of Europe, with any credit to American culture and manners. 
 We are a nation of money-changers and shop-keepers ; and, of course, 
 when thrown into countries where education is thorough, and is a 
 supreme science, our deficiencies are most glaring. It is not that we 
 lack men and women of a high grade of culture (for we have an 
 abundance), but they are not, as a rule, blessed with the means of 
 going abroad ; they have no goods to buy, or in any manner are 
 concerned with such business as carries your pushing gain-loving 
 character into foreign lands. 
 
 3* 
 
30 OUR MODERN ATHENS; 
 
 To have bolted through th august continent, 
 
 Where history points to many noble themes, 
 
 And deepest natures lose themselves in dreams. 
 
 If they stand in Rome in view of the decay, 
 
 Which there is present of her earliest day, 
 
 When th Caesars arms bore undisputed sway, 
 
 From India s shores to stormy Biscay s bay 
 
 They say, " Why, how strange ! I wish I was home, 
 
 Where things look new, and folks are better known ; 
 
 I wish I was where I could not see so, 
 
 Much of wretchedness and of classic woe ; 
 
 It grieves me much to feel with time has come, 
 
 This gloomy present of tobacco, rum ; 
 
 And, though I know there s a sort o glory here, 
 
 I must go home, where all things new appear ;" 
 
 They prefer a freshness that s the good, 
 
 For which they live, for which they would be wooed ; 
 
 And " Modern Athens " doth, through these obtain, 
 
 In foreign parts, no enviable name ; 
 
 But they will travel, they re first, and must see, 
 
 How people look beyond the dark blue sea ; 
 
 Arid then, too, what are folks who ve not been abroad, 
 
 Supped with, or, smelt of, some mean brainless lord ? 
 
 What are folks who can t talk of shaking hands, 
 
 With London Cocknies, or Parisian bands, 
 
 Of perfumed Gallics, full of toads and rats, 
 
 With legs like lobsters, and with eyes like cats ? 
 
 Tis so delightful to come home and feel, 
 
 Raised in the toe still higher in the heel 
 
 By having brushed up gainst these foreign bodies, 
 
 Bored to death by swarms of Yankee toadies ! 
 
 O, money ! what a sweet, consoling fact, 
 
 To carry thee, though heavy to the back, 
 
 Since, if we do in all things play the fool, 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 31 
 
 We yet may " go it," yet may claim to rule ! 
 And there are those by scores in our Athens, 
 Who, whilst disgusted, yet endure the men, 
 Whose riches are applied to uses base, 
 And but for riches would find lowest place, 
 In social scale to be their proper sphere, 
 Where vulgar nonsense claims not virtue s tear. 
 
 In " Modern Athens " though wealth is supreme, 
 And they are worshiped who secure its cream, 
 By ev ry rank, from scholar to bootblack, 
 Waiting maiden long looking for a Jack, 
 To mount his back and ride through life a jade 
 Of note, by spending more than Jack has made ! 
 In " Modern Athens " though the rich thus bear, 
 Away the palm of notice and have care, 
 Bestowed upon their imperial nod, 
 They are not quite, though almost, near a god ! * 
 What s he ? he ! why, sir, he s a monied man ; 
 Mark his air, sit not when you see him stand ; 
 He holds the kingly purse is mammon s slave, 
 Bears chains he courts, as th battle-field the brave ; 
 Wait on his eye, anticipate his will, 
 Know that the frown of mammon s slave may kill, 
 Ay, crush out the heart, darken o er the brain, 
 And blast an intellect great in the domain, 
 Of majestic science which opens to the view, 
 Th grand arcana, the beautiful and true, 
 
 * Our allusion here is to those men, who, upon the bare possession 
 of money, assume to be the equals, if not superiors, of scientific and 
 thoroughly educated men and gentlemen. They are individuals who 
 lose no opportunity of turning a dollar, and will have the " pound of 
 flesh " as denominated in the bond. We have no words strong enough 
 to convey our contempt for such specimens of man, whom Jesus, when 
 upon earth, found in the temple of the Lord, engaged in traffic, from 
 whence he drove them. 
 
32 OUR MODERN ATHENS; 
 
 Uniting in the essence of that soul, 
 
 From which evolved this complex lofty whole ; 
 
 Yes, oft hath the brutal power of mammon, 
 
 Fell like a thunderbolt upon some son, 
 
 Of meditative genius and his mind, 
 
 Sensitive and haughty and unresigned, 
 
 Shattered as some fine kingly forest-tree, 
 
 Torn from its earth and cast upon the sea, 
 
 To float where er the restless tide may sweep, 
 
 Till lost forever in the mighty deep. 
 
 We would soon stay, had we the force required, 
 
 This love of riches, howsoever acquired, 
 
 And backward drag the godless hardened mind, 
 
 To more of chivalry and less of crime : 
 
 We need in " Modern Athens " more of soul, 
 
 Which yerfrous culture and hiyh heart enfold : 
 
 The intellect though steeped in classic lore, 
 
 Without noble impulse indeed is poor ; 
 
 " A poor white man," we say, when one of note, 
 
 Will Jew his tailor needy on a coat, 
 
 Or dine his wife and children off of beans, 
 
 While he gets best of wine, rarest birds, greens, 
 
 At " crack hotel," famed for its fine larder, 
 
 And youths of promise backed by doting father. 
 
 Too many of our first are known as mean, 
 
 And though quite attic, are by no means clean ; 
 
 * " Thus the prophet inflameth himself, and stirreth up his faith 
 for our example, that we likewise should magnify the blessings and 
 good gifts of God in us, and also our hope and trust in him ; for if 
 the rich men of the world do glory in their money, if they vaunt of 
 their wealth and riches, why should not we, also, glory in the trust 
 and confidence we have in God, which hath made heaven and earth, 
 which hath also in his hand all things necessary both for this life 
 and for the life to come ? But because these things are invisible, and 
 cannot be seen but with spiritual eyes, therefore, we commonly neglect 
 them." MARTIN LUTHEK. 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 33 
 
 They like not Spantan broth, yet they would fill, 
 
 Their kindred s stomachs with this mess of ill. 
 
 For God s sake let us, if we are a class 
 
 Of Yankees, which all other men surpass 
 
 Be liberal, kind, and with our learning, 
 
 Prove our hearts with brother s love are burning. 
 
 Love, O, love ! that was God s dear gift to man, 
 
 When Jesus Christ the Lord, of Bethlehem, 
 
 Came in the garb of a mendicant seer, 
 
 To teach the doctrine of a brother s tear : 
 
 Love, O, love ! that is the great need of life, 
 
 The only safeguard from remorseless strife. 
 
 In " Modern Athens," if we would be first. 
 
 Our aim should be to mitigate the curse, 
 
 Which came with woman and dwells most with her ; 
 
 For e en now, as erst, she doth sin prefer ; 
 
 She must have her love and he must do that, 
 
 The serpent whispers beneath her night-cap. 
 
 She 11 lay and think and in the morning Joe, 
 
 Will have his orders how he is to go ; 
 
 Two hundred dollars, or five hundred, as 
 
 The case may be is wanted, and she says, 
 
 " I m a lady, Joe, must dress and visit ; 
 
 The cash must come from you, or I 11 get it, 
 
 From my circle where there s wit enough, 
 
 To prize my charms, and fill my coffers up ! " 
 
 So Joe alarmed lest his sweet lady Eve, 
 
 Should play the wanton and his bosom grieve, 
 
 Goes to his ofiice and though " short of funds," 
 
 Sends the amount to dear Mistress Duns. 
 
 He thinks himself beloved, but, oh ! how plain, 
 
 A tender spot is lodged in his back brain ! 
 
 And she, this vixen, who has him by the ears, 
 
34 OUR MODERN ATHENS; 
 
 Sees his weakness practices on his fears. 
 
 O, wedded life ! 0, love ! O, woman true ! 
 
 How sweet to dally and to be with you ! 
 
 Our fine " Modern Athens " can count by scores, 
 
 These dashing females and consummate bores ; 
 
 Who flount, and flirt, and put on " upish airs," 
 
 Claim to be first and so they are in cares ; 
 
 They have so much to think of babies out 
 
 To board and dressing to travel about, 
 
 In all directions to glean the fashions, 
 
 And to keep well oiled the wildest passions, 
 
 To play with Dick s whiskers, Harry s sweet lips, 
 
 And to pass from ecstasies into fits. 
 
 It will be so, and men who take to wives, 
 
 Bare thus their bosoms to the keenest knives, 
 
 That hack and cut for pastime husband s peace, 
 
 Though kindly always without stint or cease 
 
 We pity men, and yet they get their due, 
 
 In " going it blind," when women are so few ; 
 
 Tawdry things there are thick as summer flies, 
 
 With padded bosoms and artistic eyes ; 
 
 They won t work but they 11 marry and exist, 
 
 On the hard earnings of " sweet husband s " fist, 
 
 So long as stands his dear health and credit; 
 
 These gone, and my lady makes a visit, 
 
 " Where folks are smart, and can go right ahead, 
 
 Without talking poverty want of bread." 
 
 But these are not women they are beings 
 
 Sprung of fungi, and with fungi teems. 
 
 A woman is a principle ! and she, 
 
 Is true to her true love, eternally ! 
 
 Through sickness and distress through bliss and woe, 
 
 Her heart is constant, with her love doth go ! 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 35 
 
 To lowliest hovel, or to farthest land, 
 
 Happy to be where duty bids her stand. 
 
 We d trust a woman ! and we know if bliss, 
 
 Upon this sad chaotic earth exist, 
 
 T is only found in her delightful soul, 
 
 When linked with one that forms a perfect whole ! 
 
 But the men of " Athens " some men, at least, 
 
 Fail to perceive wherein consists their peace ; 
 
 And " smashed by a beauty," got up for sale, 
 
 Put their " foot in," and then the trap bewail : 
 
 There s not a party, or a ball, or hop, 
 
 Where some green swain is not by Nancy got ; 
 
 She has set her trap she has caught her man, 
 
 While lovelier maidens in the background stand ; 
 
 And as she s caught an eel it is no sin, 
 
 She thinks to roast him, or to peel his skin ; 
 
 At all events she s bound to " eat him up," 
 
 Again set her trap and so on conduct, 
 
 Until her heartless days run out and none, 
 
 Are found to wail the setting of her sun ; 
 
 She dies and passes to the throne on high, 
 
 Of wretched conscience, spurned of Deity ! 
 
 Oh, " Modern Athens " ! would all thy fair knew, 
 
 As women wise when well it is to woo ! 
 
 Let commercial Tom, or bold lawyer Jim, 
 
 Attempt with lucre her pure heart to win ; 
 
 And she, untouched by any nobler thought, 
 
 Scouts the presumption that she can be bought : 
 
 Not she ! she can love, but cannot traffic 
 
 In marriage it hath no charm or profit, 
 
 In her sweet sense of truth and purity, 
 
 Unsanctified by holy unity. 
 
 When she weds there is resistless power, 
 
26 OURMODERN 
 
 By Jove ordained binding to another ; 
 And that union formed in fear and love o God ! 
 Insures a friendship lasting, deep, and broad ; 
 No storms can shake it no affliction bend, 
 But she through life is still devoted friend. 
 Delightful woman ! thy smile when honest, 
 Is high manhood s prize chosen as the best ! 
 Thy holy feet through " Athens " daily tread, 
 And truth s sweet chaplet circles o er thy head ; 
 Thine eyes are modest and thy mien is mild, 
 For thou art virtue s dear and saintly child ! 
 Thy vision sweeps eternal life of mind, 
 And earth doth seem a vapor in its time ; 
 Thy love is not this sphere, nor its vain pomp, 
 With thee is conscience ! with the eagle mounts, 
 Thy soaring spirit to the mountain clifts, 
 Away from heartless, proud, and godless cits : 
 In thee is greatness ! thou indeed art first ! 
 Above beyond the snobish sneer of purse ; 
 Money ! what gold can buy thee ? what sap win 
 Thy peerless bosom thy angelic being ? 
 Cast in a mould tempered high with brave will, 
 No snob can bend thee, no fop s beauty kill : 
 Thou art a woman ! and " Athens " true men, 
 Doth love thy influence, and mourn thy end ; 
 The roof that s thine, the grave wherein doth lie, 
 Thy gentle form are dear to manhood s eye : 
 Sweet flowers for thee is but sweet to sweet, 
 Thy grave the spot where virtue s pilgrims meet. 
 
 Who then is first, and who is not the ton, 
 May be perceived as we run jingling on. 
 Thus far we ve said but little of that class, 
 O " mutual admirers " led by a man, 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 37 
 
 Small in stature but great in learned soul, 
 A dashing scholar, witty, tart, and bold ; 
 He s published books of rhyme wherein his face, 
 Is set with modest and with classic grace ; 
 He s not a beauty though an autocrat, 
 And ties with neatness his nice silk cravat ; 
 Unlike i.he race of genius he s precise, 
 Lives by strict rule, and dodges ev ry vice ; 
 His face is barbered, and his hair is combed ; 
 His feet neat clad, his look is that of home ; 
 That is, he smacks of having bed and board, 
 On which he may rely and can afford ; 
 In this he s more lucky than wits at large, 
 Whose home s unstable and whose face is scar cl, 
 With disastrous thought and poor blighted hopes, 
 Of paying fame carved out of heavy books ! 
 O, genius ! one s heart it doth much of good, 
 To note our autocrat taking to his food ; 
 
 To know his stomach though bestirred with thought, 
 
 With ease digests clams, pudding, beef, and pork ; 
 
 He thinks, yet he does it up by method, 
 
 And wins his laurels though he s not slip-shod ; 
 
 He honors Socrates, but this sage s scorn, 
 
 Of soap, water, this modern sage bemournes ; 
 
 He must have clean teeth, clean shirt, and dicky, 
 
 Ere he will teach, be so very witty. 
 
 Set him at a table where he has been asked, 
 
 As first of jokers, large as is the class ; 
 
 Get him to talk, then give him your ear, 
 
 Though small his stature, oh, how " tall " his cheer ! 
 
 We would like to hit this aut cratic man, 
 
 By way of practice to keep in our hand ; 
 
 But too good natured he for a roughened steel, 
 
 And we 11 not stab where conscience would be keen ; 
 4 
 
38 OUR MODERN ATHENS; 
 
 Yet must we poke that dear mutual set, 
 
 Who none admire, not a fine classic pet, 
 
 Or some one who has clambered to the top 
 
 Of getting a Greek, so too Hotentot, 
 
 By turns as it may be needful to explain, 
 
 What knowledge vast one plodder may attain. 
 
 We are a friend of learning and approve, 
 
 In all staunch healthy brains its ardent love : 
 
 Principles are Gods ! and he who works out, 
 
 Th greatest number is stoutest o the stout ; 
 
 Yet that aristocracy of nice mind, 
 
 Which marks " our Athens," somewhat doth incline, 
 
 To deify itself ! and in finest robes, 
 
 To scorn all those who less of science knows. 
 
 This insolence is vulgar and that wit, 
 
 Who thinks the " rnutuals " are only fit, 
 
 To come together at the festive board 
 
 And elsewhere deeming that my noble lord, 
 
 Is the title due them from the unlettered, 
 
 The wit we say that thus presumes had better, 
 
 Unlearn its wisdom, lease itself to Sam, 
 
 Or some one else, who II bring it out a man ! 
 
 Learning is well, but when it puts on airs, 
 
 The time has come to tame these haughty bears, 
 
 These animals in ribbons whose tawdry 
 
 Heads, are scorched with " fire Greek " and vanity ! 
 
 Methinks we see some high-flown learned fool, 
 
 Viewing the crowd as th master does his school, 
 
 And with self-complacent phiz loud declare, 
 
 " What a mass o ignorance the people are ! " 
 
 O Lord ! haste, haste, to Frenchify and Greek 
 
 The town, let ev ry Yankee no more speak, 
 
 The good old Saxon turn at once a calf, 
 
 And talk it foreign, and in classic laugh ; 
 
OK, WUO IS FIRST? 39 
 
 You 11 then be mutuals and dine with him, 
 
 Who 11 toast you fine and " take you kindly in," 
 
 To admire and praise your expanded wit, 
 
 Pleased to be with you by your side to sit ; 
 
 O, Jesu ! have mercy on the reign of sense, 
 
 Ere all are students take us softly hence. 
 
 We want to learn we want to idle too, 
 
 And keep our fat as healthy farmers do ; 
 
 What s brains without stomach to give them strength, , 
 
 To bear noble thought and reach goal at length, 
 
 Where honor waits patient, where virtue s wreath, 
 
 The brows bedeck and holy perfume breathe : 
 
 We want to learn, we want to know enough, 
 
 To talk with statesmen and with black-skined Cuff; 
 
 But ambitious as we are we would not, 
 
 In seeking learning be a learned sot. 
 
 Latin is well, so too is Greek and French, 
 
 All is fine kowledge, though not finest sense ; 
 
 We d add thereto Dutch, Spanish, Italian, 
 
 Sanscrit, Hebrew, the tongue of ev ry land ; 
 
 We d tack on to this nature s vast expanse 
 
 Of facts a dash of logic th mode of trance ; 
 
 In fine, we d tuck the brain so full of truth, 
 
 That it should be of God the highest proof; 
 
 But then with all our learning modesty ! 
 
 Should dwell with us, and ever cherished be. 
 
 Ye first of " Modern Athens " in the lore 
 Of big books, say, are ye not something poor, 
 In that better knowledge of the kind heart, 
 That wings no arrow, and that throws no dart? 
 If ye form libraries and endow them, 
 With the master thought of time s noblest men, 
 Are ye not proud, and crusty, and in naught, 
 
40 OUR MODERN ATHENS 
 
 The type of that these gifted authors taught? 
 Whom ye have placed upon well-loaded shelves, 
 That youth may garner, boastful as yourselves !* 
 Be haughty, cold, reserved, and meanly wise, 
 By true men laughed at, ridiculed, despised. 
 We would not strike too hard, but our poised pen, 
 Will not be influenced to release an end, 
 In truth s imperial cause, God s high praise, 
 Whose word denounces all in folly s ways. 
 
 We cannot forget, we must not pass by, 
 On learning s record, names not born to die ! 
 The good and great, the truly humble wise, 
 Whose shades are with us and whose love abides, 
 Near our hearth-stones to glad each passing day, 
 And bear in friendship the moments soft away : 
 They were no fops nor vainest carpet-knights, 
 Talking of fierce battles but fearing fights ; 
 They worked for knowledge, and they knew its worth, 
 The hard attainment of its priceless truth ; 
 It made them just, and humble, brave arid true ; 
 Pleased to ayree, but stern in counter view ! 
 They argued well, because their minds were clear, 
 Their knowledge limpid, bounding as the deer ! 
 They saw the truth, and seized it with a joy, 
 As marks the cheek of some adventurous boy, 
 Who saves a life from neath the heaving wave, 
 
 * If we have hit hard at this point, it is because we feel it to be 
 merited. Scholars, as a rule, where there is more than ordinary abil 
 ity, both in this country and Europe, are stuffed with self-conceit and 
 pride. We may excuse this in the ignorant, but in those who have 
 studied the philosophy arid the lives of the philosophers of Greece it 
 is unpardonable. What amount of knowledge, we should be glad to 
 know, authorizes a man, or any class of men, to put on airs, and ren 
 der themselves an insufferable nuisance to all not of the same habits 
 of mind ? 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST. 41 
 
 And laughing goes to claim a mother s praise : 
 All honor to such men urned be their dust, 
 In " Athens " proud the humblest, yet the first ! 
 
 We would now apply some costic to such, 
 
 As talk a deal without informing much ; 
 
 They are high-pressure, and their " boilers burst," 
 
 When they attain to be considered first ; 
 
 That is, foremost among a certain class, 
 
 Where silks, broad cloth, covers many an ass, 
 
 And many a knave decked in finest clothes, 
 
 Pooh-poohs at those he now no longer knows : 
 
 T is well, it would be quite unwell if fate, 
 
 Should bar these bumpkins vain the name of great. 
 
 Mankind are only known as thus they spring, 
 
 From close dirty allies into high being ! 
 
 T is then we learn how toad-stools may become, 
 
 Grand sweeping trees by free unstinted sun. 
 
 But let them go they do but play the part, 
 
 Assigned by nature foul each putrid heart, 
 
 Will perish with its day of sunshine warm, 
 
 To make more fearful retribution s storm. 
 
 Yet ere we leave this dear and perfumed class, 
 We must not fail to tarry as we pass, 
 By yonder mansion with high steps of stone, 
 Where folly revels and where truth s unknown. 
 
 It is n Street, a fine and spacious walk, 
 
 Where maidens gather with trig gents to talk ; 
 It is a street long rented to the mind, 
 Least stupid and to lofty views inclined, 
 It is a street which leads you out of town, 
 Direct and passes full many a clown, 
 In gloves, French boots, and slouchy Kossuth hats, 
 4* 
 
42 OUR MODERN ATHENS; 
 
 With heads well greased some-like to whiskered cats. 
 
 O, Aumioii ! how smart these rag-pickers feel, 
 
 As by they dash on foot, or with the wheel. 
 
 We oft have stood against the iron posts, 
 
 To note these mongrels and sum up their cost ; 
 
 We oft have wondered how in God s name comes, 
 
 So many splurgers and so few of duns. 
 
 For most wives have ! besides score or two, 
 
 Of well-kept beauties to arrange their shoe, 
 
 If it should pinch and call them dearest dear, 
 
 With other nonsense we 11 not bring in here. 
 
 These perfumed upstarts live they do, indeed, 
 
 And dash the rowels in their ill-used steed, 
 
 Hired for the day and driven for the year, 
 
 To break up stables with their smart career ; 
 
 They re first in bar-rooms, brothels, and at clubs, 
 
 And "play the devil," looking staid as tubs. 
 
 But to our purpose of noting those fine 
 
 Folks on n Street who on rich dainties dine, 
 
 And ride round " Athens " in their stylish coach, 
 With foreign dresses and large diamond broach. 
 First let us look at " dear and sweet mamma," 
 Whose face is bloated with a bold heauteur ; 
 She seems to say " Thank God I was not born, 
 To wash up dishes, or to pick a bone, 
 Thank God that I am first and am of blood, 
 Direct from Noah who battled with the flood ; 
 That / at least can boast lineage free, 
 From butcher s coarseness and base harlotry ; 
 That 7, of " Modern Athens," bear a name 
 Equal to any, thpugh not o ertaxed with fame." 
 This waddling woman old and vulgar too, 
 Claims for her money what to worth is due ; 
 She " puts oil airs " and clever shopmen curse, 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 43 
 
 If they in haste attempt to ope her purse ; 
 
 Where er she goes she doth inform the world, 
 
 She s Madame Pride in the line of earl, 
 
 And her hard features steeped in pride and scorn, 
 
 Doth threaten death to villains uncouformed, 
 
 To her desires and her imperial will, 
 
 Which money founded and gold pampers still. 
 
 Her Dolly husband stands in awe of wife, 
 
 As helpless traveller of assassin s knife ; 
 
 He walks along through " Athens " winding ways, 
 
 Dunning his tenants he must " make a raise ;" 
 
 He s made no deposits for at least two days, 
 
 And begins to think t is much to his dispraise ; 
 
 Besides his son, the B , is a bill, 
 
 Of expense endless tending down the hill ; 
 
 He worked his way to C s heart, 
 
 And thus in law s a son fine dandy smart ! 
 He treads upon his toes and takes a cold, 
 From gentlest zephyrs ! on dear life his hold, 
 
 Is weak and C often sighs, 
 
 That he s not out o the way since his bright eyes 
 
 Have faded ! and, oh ! she e so fond of change, 
 
 She d fondle puppies in her endless range, 
 
 For novelty and all that s soft and new, 
 
 From mush and milk to a sweet apple stew. 
 
 Dolly has son of his own ilk but Home, 
 
 Delights him more than his familiar home, 
 
 " Where all things are so mixed and men of birth, 
 
 Are knocked about as though the meanest earth :" 
 
 Bah ! he would not live at home, no, not he ; 
 
 He hates the Union its democracy ; 
 
 A brainless snob ! he thinks to be of note, 
 
 By going abroad and scorning Yankee vote ; 
 
 He help to make a President ! he take 
 
44 U II MODERN ATHENS; 
 
 The trouble to our public men create ! 
 The country might explode ere he would do, 
 A kindness hearty for a base-born crew, 
 Of grov lling workers worthless but to do, 
 Slave s offices shout their vulgar doctrine, 
 About equal birth freedom s offering ! " 
 No, no, your emigrant to " holy Home," 
 Scornes to think of, much less return to home ; 
 He would be where the grandeur of the past, 
 Looms up in splendor and marked contrast, 
 With these latter days so tame and vulgar, 
 That he doth wish the world was rent sunder. 
 
 So thinks the brother of C dear, 
 
 Flat as she, and senseless in appear. 
 
 The B married for a tender home, 
 
 For means to dress, o er foreign lands to roain ; 
 
 He was a handsome and a well-formed man, 
 
 But shiftless as an oyster or a clam ; 
 
 His glass, his sofa, and his cigar, 
 
 Was more to him than all the world by far ; 
 
 His wife was well enough, but she would swear, 
 
 And " rip around " " pitch in " to Sappy s hair ; 
 
 Until one day poor Sappy thought he d die, 
 
 And leave a world his needs could not supply. 
 
 His wife rejoiced and her proud mother laughed, 
 
 Papa drank wine and Sappy s fortune quaffed ! 
 
 " There was a time " and such a time we vow, 
 
 As ne er had happened for an age till now ; 
 
 But no sooner deceased this soft Mr. Jack, 
 
 Than hops another dandy on their back. 
 
 A younger daughter full of senseless love, 
 
 Is " smashed " by small talk and a dainty glove ; 
 
 She weds while our G giggles, 
 
 For she s grown wise in dear young love s riddles ! 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 45 
 
 She s had her fun and knows what it has cost, 
 
 Has had her chills, been nipped by " killing frost ;" 
 
 But the younger daughter is left to find, 
 
 Out wisdom s narrows with the march of time ; 
 
 And break her neck if needful it should be, 
 
 To light her out to deep and shoreless sea ! 
 
 Where " love s young dream " is tossed upon the wave, 
 
 Till early wrecked it finds an ocean grave. 
 
 0, these are first ! ! king money makes them so, 
 
 In their grand train, bulls, bears, and monkies go ! 
 
 Thus we behold how folly makes its way, 
 
 While truth dejected weeps and turns away ; 
 
 Thus we behold how poor a thing is pride, 
 
 When nonsense spawns it, and when meanness guides ! 
 
 Thus we behold how " Modern Athens " teems, 
 
 With flesh and bones formed to petty beings, 
 
 Who strut and bluster, sing of their great worth, 
 
 And crawl like vermin to their native earth.* 
 
 But wearied with the softness of our theme, 
 
 We gladly leave it for some other thing ; 
 
 We point to art ! and they who live for it, 
 
 Happy to gain but not bent on profit, 
 
 Unabsorb d in dollars as the trader, 
 
 They grasp not ! but their art s high bliss prefer ! 
 
 They work for pleasure, as much as for coin, 
 
 And iove those best whose tastes with theirs conjoin. 
 
 Artistic genius ! it is a great gift, 
 
 From nature and doth on soaring wing lift, 
 
 The spirit to nearness with the Logos, 
 
 Whence came sweet harmony out of chaos. 
 
 * Some time since the author of this verse was witness to conduct 
 of the most ridiculous character on the part of this family, which sug 
 gested the idea of this castigation. 
 
46 OUR MODERN ATHENS 
 
 Would " Modern Athens " knew thy gentle love, 
 
 Would raise thee prostrate to a seat above, 
 
 The thoughtless rabble whose " bread and butter," 
 
 Three meals per day and extra cold supper, 
 
 Is the best good they care to know or aid, 
 
 Though challenged to refinement by some maid, 
 
 In art whose simple manners skilful hand, 
 
 Unite to win the most commercial man ; 
 
 To teach him fondness for ideal commerce, 
 
 For forms not gold but valued as the first, 
 
 In purity and all that fills the soul, 
 
 With holy pleasure and with self controll ; 
 
 For genius though it may from excess of 
 
 Sentiment, lose its balance and befog 
 
 Itself in error, yet, those who study 
 
 Its pure works, will strengthen their moral force, 
 
 And scape reefs on which genius self is tost ! 
 
 We speak for art the honor that s its right, 
 
 We hope for artists something more than night ; 
 
 Day, bright day must come, when they who prize gems 
 
 Of genius will true genius cause defend ; 
 
 And art in triumph raise to its high place, 
 
 Adorned with culture ev ry classic grace ! 
 
 That time wilt come though slow may be its step, 
 
 An many a tear by genius sad be wept, 
 
 Unfed, unhonored, and scornful of life, 
 
 Borne down hard pressed by the bitterness o strife ; 
 
 Yet will noble art her true sons secure, 
 
 From tears and begg ry when these days are o er, 
 
 These days of sense, of eating-shops and cooks, 
 
 Of wine and bibbling illustrated books. 
 
 And now we pass to science and proclaim, 
 Her zealous votaries full half insane. 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 47 
 
 Truth ! great Thor ! what is it but a two-faced * 
 
 Something, a sort of Janus with less grace, 
 
 Than an ourang-outang and as full of, 
 
 Mischief as a fresh virgin is of love. 
 
 In Law there is no truth of changeless base, 
 
 Go to the digests arid make out your case, 
 
 It matters not how hard a case it is, 
 
 Some Lord So-and-so has ruled t is justice ! 
 
 By Heavens ! t is enough to make one go mad, 
 
 To ponder o er man s reason dark and sad ! 
 
 To know how frail the tenure of all law, 
 
 But holy conscience ! God s oracle of yore. 
 
 Courts ! they are the sloughs of whimsical thought, 
 
 Swayed by wild genius for a round fee bought : 
 
 Go not to law unless you ve a purse full, 
 
 Exhausted only by an endless pull. 
 
 We are not " down " on lawyers ; we know their 
 
 Troubles, and with what of consummate care, 
 
 They must proceed before judge, jury, 
 
 To gain a case and be full up to duty. 
 
 But we are " down " on the base policy, 
 
 Which complicates the law for larger fee ! 
 
 We do not need so much of endless talk 
 
 In splitting hairs ! we want clear honest thouyht ! 
 
 * Truth in itself, pure and well denned, yields the product 
 although in the process momentary evil may be caused. We do not 
 think that truth, being the nature of God ! should ever be feared ; and 
 though we have charged it with mischief, and called it " two-faced," 
 we here speak of it as we note among human societies what passes for 
 truth, or God. As our vision ranges over the world, and peers also 
 into the depths of space, comprehending something of the simplicity 
 of all those beautiful laws by which spirit and matter are equipoised, 
 the Pythagorean harmony of numbers evolving the music of the 
 spheres ; and from this exquisite union of truth and peace, turn to 
 behold the strife, the wretchedness of man, entangled as he is by the 
 errors which seem inseparable from his passions and physical neces 
 sities, we feel depressed and humiliated at the woeful contrast, and 
 ask ourself if it is to be thus forever. 
 
48 OUR MODERN AT II ENS; 
 
 The lawyer needs not for his protection, 
 The mists of logic, if he is a son 
 Of virtue ! and if not he should depart, 
 From his astute vocation which requires, 
 A soul of honor and of chaste desires. 
 In " Modern Athens " there are civilians, 
 Of noble purpose whom hard cash millions, 
 Could not, howe er put in pleasing form, buy 
 To argue gainst their conscience or to lie ; 
 All honor to their love of sacred truth, 
 Their care devoted in dissecting proof: 
 They are first ! their holy names shall endure, 
 In legal forms till records are no more. 
 
 We come now to doctors and, oh, Mores ! 
 
 What birds of prey ! e en from some Doctor Breeze, 
 
 Of latter times with his patented pills, 
 
 Which cure in one instant all sort of ills, 
 
 Up to JEsculapius the father 
 
 Of physic, pukes, salves, enemas, plaster. 
 
 Get sick, and the devil help you ! doctors 
 
 Wont ; some will a few, but they are bores ! 
 
 Because the poor they practice on, 
 
 To be more skillful with the " Athens " ton ! 
 
 If you want a doctor worth a sixpence, 
 
 Be sure to live well with a show of sense, 
 
 For he is keen and if he sees no pay, 
 
 He 11 slight your case, or put you out o the way. 
 
 That is the rule ! thanks to great Jove ! there 
 
 Are in med cine many a name that s fair, 
 
 Many a heart that beats with human love, 
 
 In sweetest sympathy with highest good, 
 
 To man and all pertaining to his fame, 
 
 Of being cast the image of that form, 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 49 
 
 "Which guides the light ning and commands the storm. 
 Ttiey are first! " Modern Athens " knows them well, 
 And ev ry tongue their deeds of goodness tell. 
 
 We pass now to write of that solemn crowd, 
 
 Bearing the cross ! and with deep penance bowed, 
 
 Claiming to teach in the Almighty s name, 
 
 Yet " living like fighting-cocks " and for fame ! * 
 
 There s some who live so with brains to do it, 
 
 Those of less talent without their wit, 
 
 Must live on husks ! and be most circumspect 
 
 To live at all they re not the people s pet. 
 
 And so it goes, and so we re crammed with talk 
 
 Theologic with less of value fraught, 
 
 Than would be works, works, mighty works ! we say, 
 
 That marked the Christians of the early day. 
 
 Immortal Jesus ! had not where to place, 
 
 His God-head with its full, free, boundless grace ; 
 
 But with his disciples lived out the truth, 
 
 He came to stablish with undying proof : 
 
 Whilst those who now pretend to do his will, 
 
 * It is not enough that we have the Gospel, or that we hear it ; but 
 we must believe it, and lay it up in the secrets of our hearts, or we 
 shall not find Christ. God respecteth not the person ; it matters not 
 whether one be learned or unlearned, instructed in many places of 
 Scripture, or in few ; unto whom God giveth grace he it is that en 
 joys Christ. After the wise men had found the child Christ, at Beth 
 lehem, together with Joseph and Mary, by the help of the Scripture 
 and guiding of the star, they were not offended at the low condition 
 of him ; but, being taught by the word, acknowledged him to be the 
 Messiah, the King of the Jews, for whom they had looked for so many 
 years. They then opened their treasures, and offered him gold, frank- 
 incence, and myrrh. The wise men do not disdain him because he is 
 without pomp and splendor, neither do they turn back because they 
 find him and his parents in poverty and misery, but undoubtedly ac 
 knowledge him as king, as they had learned concerning him out of 
 the Scripture. Moreover, they gave him the honor due to a king ; 
 they offer him most precious gifts, which they had brought out of 
 their own country. 
 
 5 
 
50 OUR MODERN 
 
 ATHENS 
 
 Are prone to speculate and belly fill, 
 
 With all the dainties had through clever pay, 
 
 And thus they vegetate and Christian play : * 
 
 * It happened to us, from a too close attention to books, to break 
 down our stomach, whence ensued cerebral congestion. In this help 
 less condition broken in stomach, heart, and brain we were aban 
 doned to the resources of our own morbid and chaotic mind. The 
 ministers of " sweet religion " whose duty it was to be informed of 
 our disease, threatening us with insanity and death came not near, 
 to soothe, with kind words, our depression and lacerated soul. None 
 but ourself was to ourself true. The self-complacent Christian, who 
 knows as little of practical life as a flea does of self-denial, wonders 
 why there should be infidels ; but if they could look with our eyes into 
 the Christian ranks, and understand as we do the hypocritical scoun 
 drels, both lay and clergy, who call themselves the church, they 
 would rather wonder why, -in the place of one infidel, there are not a 
 thousand. Against the religion of the blessed Jesus we have not one 
 word to say. It is the only light, imperfect as it may appear, by 
 which man can find out the road to happiness, have peace of mind, and 
 be reconciled to his Maker. The many schemes which have been set 
 on foot, from the earliest records of speculative philosophy, explains 
 nothing, but leaves the mind darker than before ; with none of Chris 
 tianity s magnificent hopes, supported by the highest spiritual convic 
 tions of their reasonableness. Yet the arguments of the opposers of 
 Christianity have a strength we could wish otherwise ; the most potent 
 of which is that Christians themselves do not carry out in practice 
 their professions ! This, alas ! is too true, in too large a number of 
 instances. The spiritualism of Jesus is the most perfect ever given to 
 the world. Rightly understood and followed, this existence, instead 
 of being a snare to so many, would be a bearable condition ; and in 
 stead of remarking as we do, upon the human countenance, from early 
 life to old age, such terrible marks of evil passion, and confusion of 
 ideas, we should see there nothing but an honorable conscience, sus 
 tained by the Holy Ghost, which is the influence of Christ extended to 
 all those who believe in, and practice^ his conciliatory and self-sacri 
 ficing spirit. We regret to be able to say that the writings of the 
 eariy fathers are so contradictory in regard to the teachings of Christ 
 and his apostles, and that the Bible itself is so confused in its text, 
 that no positive knowledge as to what was actually spoken by Jesus, 
 and commanded by him to be believed, can conscientiously be avowed. 
 And it does seem, to any other than one of the greatest imaginable 
 faith and humble intelligence, quite incredible that God should have 
 submitted, through the person of Christ, to so much indignity from 
 man, to redeem him, and yet preserve no more satisfactory record, to 
 all minds, of his will and teachings, than we now possess, or are likely 
 to possess. The theological jargon which passes for religion, among so 
 large a number, is but a poor apology for the fact that t is the best 
 truth that can be found. Yet, despite the deceptions, disingenuine- 
 
11 , WHO IS FIRST? 51 
 
 They are more of deists than of sweet Christ ; 
 
 This world s their home here s their sole Paradise : 
 
 We mark them on the street in the pulpit, 
 
 With less of piety than worldly wit ; 
 
 They theorize, and speculate, and damn, 
 
 With sceptic notions the quiet of the land. 
 
 Out of that church with error blackened o er,* 
 
 The mother of ages ! and the " great whore," 
 
 There is no peace but all to discord tends, 
 
 And man with man in subtlest thought contends. 
 
 The llomish priest though packed with holy lies, 
 
 Holds to his doctrine and for religion dies ; 
 
 The heretic pastor if unshackled, 
 
 (Though not compelled for proud Rome to battle), 
 
 Is stuffed with novelties and knows not what, 
 
 Is safe to preach to people, or what not : 
 
 He seems to lack authority ! and men 
 
 May hear him earnest teach, but, oh ! what then ? 
 
 Others there are as earnest who declare 
 
 All is falsehood, that Christ was but a seer, 
 
 A man like other men, a noble soul, 
 
 ness, and hypocrisy of the clergy, who insist upon retailing from the 
 pulpit their scholastic nonsense, and despite the innocence of large 
 numbers, who are charmed with their instruction, we are free to hope 
 that the little that we do know of Christ will, ere long, be fairly stated, 
 and the world be put in possession of the truth, the whole truth, and 
 nothing (wt the truth. We think upon such a basis a religion may be 
 established that will command the attention of men, and influence 
 their action. 
 
 * In alluding to the subject of religion, in connection with the 
 Roman Catholic Church, we felt bound to award that most remarkable 
 power the credit which is its due, while at the same time we perfectly 
 well know it is without any valid claims whatever to have proceeded 
 either from Jesus Christ or his apostles. It is a sheer invention of 
 man, to control by the trappings and insignia of power the self-willed 
 masses ; and as a means to such an end, it worked admirably to the 
 time of Luther, and yet continues to wield an immense influence. We 
 are an enemy to the institution, because it is an unqualified cheat, de 
 signed by knaves. 
 
52 OURMODERN 
 
 Who sought the good from out this wicked world, 
 
 Appealed to his Father as we also, 
 
 May pray and e en as Christ the Father know.* 
 
 * In the "Gospel of St. John (chap. 3) is plainly and directly shown 
 the difference of the persons, in the highest and greatest work that 
 God accomplished for us poor human creatures, in justifying and sav 
 ing us ; for there it is plainly written of the Father, that he loved the 
 world, and gave to the world his only begotten Son. These are two 
 several persons, Father and Son. The Father loves the world, and 
 gives unto it the Son. The Son suffers himself to be given to the world, 
 and " to be lifted up on the cross, as the serpent was lifted up in the 
 wilderness, that whosoever believed in him should not perish, but have 
 everlasting life." To this work comes afterwards the third person, 
 the Holy Ghost, who kindles faith in the heart through the Word, and 
 so regenerates us, and makes us the children of God. This article, 
 though it be taught most clearly in the New Testament, yet has been 
 always assaulted and opposed in the highest measure ; so that the holy 
 evangelist, St. John, for the confirmation of the article, was con 
 strained to write his Gospel. Then came, presently, that heretic, 
 Cerinthus, teaching out of Moses that there was but one God, and con 
 cluding hence that Christ could not be God, or God man. But let us 
 stick to God s word, in the Holy Scriptures, that Christ is true God, 
 with God the Father, and that the Holy Ghost is true God ; and yet 
 there are not three Gods, nor three substances, as three men. three 
 angels, three sons, three windows, &c. No : God is not separated or 
 divided, in such manner, in his substance ; but there is only and 
 alone one divine essence, and no more. Therefore, though there be 
 three persons, God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy 
 Ghost, yet notwithstanding, we must not divide or separate the sub 
 stance ; for there is but only one God, in one only undivided substance; 
 as St. Paul clearly speaks of Christ (Colos. chap. 1), that he is the 
 express image of the invisible God, the first-born of all creatures ; for 
 through him all things are created that are in heaven or on earth, 
 visible, &c., and .all is through and in him created, and he is before 
 all, and all things consist in him. Now, what the third person is, the 
 holy evangelist, St. John, teaches, chap. 15, where he says, " But when 
 the Comforter is come, which I will send unto you from the Father, 
 the spirit of truth which proceeds from the Father, he shall testify of 
 me." Here Christ speaks not only of the office and work of the Holy 
 Ghost, but also of his substance and faith : he goes out, or proceeds 
 from, the Father ; that is, his going out, or his proceeding, is without 
 all beginning, and everlasting. Therefore the holy prophet Joel gives 
 him the name, and calls him, " the Spirit of the Lord." Now, al 
 though this article seems strange or foolish, what matters it? It 13 
 not the question whether it be so or no ; but whether it be grounded on 
 God s word or no. If it be God s word, as most surely it is, then let 
 us make no doubt thereof ; he will not lie ; therefore let us keep close 
 to God s word, and not dispute how Father, Son, and Holy Ghost can 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 53 
 
 " Modern Athens " is stocked with infidels ; 
 They are first ! and important station fills. 
 They deify the intellect ! and think 
 The soul is competent to approach th brink, 
 Of that eternal truth which dwells with God, 
 
 be one God ; for we, as poor wretches, cannot know how it is we lau^li, 
 or how with our eyes we can see a high mountain ten miles oft , or how 
 it is that when we sleep in body we are dead, and yet alive. This 
 small knowledge we cannot attain unto ; no, though we took to our 
 help the advice arid art of all the wise in the world, we are not able to 
 know the least things which concern ourselves ; and yet we would 
 climb up, with our human wit and wisdom, and presume to compre 
 hend what God is, in his incomprehensible majesty ! The chief lesson 
 and study in divinity is that we learn well and rightly to know Christ, 
 who is therein very graciously pictured forth unto us. Christ himself 
 teaches that we should learn to know him only out of the Scriptures, 
 Avhere he says, "Search the Scriptures; for they do testify of me." 
 St. John says, " In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was 
 with God, and the Word was God." The Apostle Thomas also calls 
 Christ God, where he says, " My Lord and my God." In like manner 
 St. Paul, ( Jth Romans, speaks of Christ that he is God ! where he says, 
 " Who is God over all, blessed forever ! Arnen." And, Colos. 2, " In 
 Christ dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily ;" that is, sub 
 stantially. Christ must needs be true God, seeing he through himself 
 fulfilled and overcame the law ; for most certain it is that no one else 
 could have vanquished the law, angel or human creature, but Christ 
 only, so that it cannot hurt those that believe in him ; therefore, most 
 certainly he is the Son of God, and natural God. Now, if we compre 
 hend Christ in this manner, as the Holy Scripture displays him before 
 us, then certain it is that we can neither err nor be put to confusion ; 
 and may then easily judge what is right to be held of all manner of 
 divine qualities, religions, and worship that are used and practiced in 
 .the universal world. Were this picturing of Christ removed out of 
 our sight, or darkened in us, undeniably there must needs follow utter 
 disorder ; fur human and natural religion, wisdom, and understand 
 ing cannot judge aright and truly of the laws of God; therein has been 
 and still is exhausted the arts of all philosophers, of all the learned 
 and worldly-wise among the children of men. For the law rules and 
 governs mankind ; therefore the law judges mankind, and not man 
 kind the law. If Christ be not God, then neither the Father nor the 
 Holy Ghust is God ; for our article of faith speaks thus : " Christ is 
 God, with the Father and the Holy Ghost." Many there are who 
 talk much of the Godhead of Christ, as the Pope, and others ; but 
 they discourse thereof as a blind man speaks of colors. Therefore, 
 when I hear Christ speak and say, " Come to me all ye that are weary 
 and heavy laden, and I will give you rest," then do I believe stead- 
 
 5* 
 
54 OUH MODERNATHENS 
 
 To share with Him the glory of His nod ! 
 Blasphemous insolence ! what is the mind, 
 That it should thus its puny self subliine ? 
 "What has it learned with all its boasted wit, 
 Since Eden s day that doth a God befit ? 
 
 fastly that the whole Godhead speaks in an undivided and unseparate 
 substance. Wherefore, he that preaches a God to me that died not 
 for me the death on the cross, that God will I not receive. He that 
 has this article has the chief and principle article of faith, though to 
 the world it seem unmeaning, and even ridiculous. Christ says, 
 " The Comforter which I will send shall not depart from you, but will 
 remain with you, and will make you able to endure all manner of 
 tribulations and evils." When Christ says "I will pray to the Fa 
 ther," then he speaks as a human creature, or as very man ; but 
 when he says I will do this or that, as before he said I will send the 
 Comforter, then he speaks as very God. In this manner do I learn 
 my article, " That Christ is both God and man." Let whatever will 
 or can befall me, I will surely cleave by my sweet Saviour Jesus 
 Christ ; for in him am I baptized. I can neither do nor know any 
 thing but only what be has taught me. The Holy Scriptures, es 
 pecially St. Paul, every where ascribe unto Christ that which he gives 
 to the Father, namely, the divine almighty power ; so that he can 
 give grace and peace of conscience, forgiveness of sins, life, victory 
 over sin, and death, and the devil. Now, unless St. Paul would rob 
 God of his honor, and give it to another that is not God, he dared not 
 ascribe such properties and attributes to Christ, if he were not true 
 God ; and God himself says, "I will not give my glory to another." 
 Isa. chap. 42. Arid, indeed, no man can give that to another which 
 he has not himself ; but, seeing Christ gives grace and peace, the Holy 
 Ghost also, and redeems from the power of the devil, sin, and death, 
 so is it most sure that he has an endless, immeasurable, almighty 
 power, equal with the Father. We must think of no other God than 
 Christ. That God which speaks not out of Christ s mouth is not God. 
 God, in the Old Testament, bound himself to the throne of grace ; 
 there was the place where he would hear, so long as the policy arid 
 government of Moses stood and flourished. In like mariner he will 
 still hear no man or human creature but only through Christ. As 
 numbers of Jews ran to and fro, burning incense and offerings, here 
 and there, and seeking God in various places, not regarding the tab 
 ernacle, so it goes now : we seek God every where ; but not seeking 
 him in Christ we find him no where. 
 
 MARTIN LUTHER S " Table Talk." 
 
 In regard to the doctrine of the Trinity, we wish to be understood 
 as expressing the opinion that it is possible it may be true. We can 
 not, with Luther, maintain that it is ; because we know the question 
 to be beset with the most profound and unhappy diihculties. 
 
What knows it compared to what s yet unknown, 
 Eternal space where widest systems roll ! 
 And shouldst presume to doubt it may be so, 
 That Christ was God ! that we can only know, 
 Of spirit and its peace through his high word, 
 Erst in Judea and by Jordan heard ? 
 0, no, the mind of man is not of force, 
 To come to God through reason s slipp ry course ! * 
 The world had tried it, and had tried in vain, 
 When Christ appeared in great Jehovah s name ! 
 
 * We are pained to state that in our judgment the clergy, as a body, 
 are far from being true to their exalted mission. Whoever has famil 
 iarized their minds with Christianity in the apostolic age, as it is pre 
 sented by Mosheims and other able, candid, and impartial writers, 
 must look with supreme contempt upon large numbers of " God s serv 
 ants," in these degenerate times, wno discourse of politics, and nearly 
 all the extraneous matters of the day, to the exclusion and scandal of 
 true Christianity. These clerical villains are the scourge of the 
 times ; the willing instruments of Satan, in the work which is now 
 being consummated of universal hate, consequent on the overthrow of 
 the idea of self-government as expressed by our political and social in 
 stitutions. No man, in his right senses, can fail to perceive that the 
 clergy have had much to do in the production of the wild and godless 
 fanaticism, which, being a religious, faith! can only be silenced and 
 exterminated by the sword of an avenging wrath in the bosom of those 
 men, who, inspired by a hearty common sense, and a magnanimous 
 conscience, are ever ready to do battle in defence of practical ideas, 
 that redound most to the honor of God, and advance most the general 
 interests of his creatures. We charge upon an apostate, vile, and vil 
 lainous pulpit much of the growth of that hostility to the slave inter 
 est at the South, which nothing, in our judgment, can now remove but 
 the direct interposition of Heaven. It seems to us that if the South 
 are true to themselves, steadfast to their honor, that, rather than 
 be governed by a Northern party, of declared enmity to its great and 
 leading interest, she will incur any risk, however fearful, in repudiat 
 ing the Constitution. That such will be her action admits not of a 
 doubt ; and that she will have the sympathy of Christendom, in sup 
 port of her honor, is equally certain. We trust the Union may be 
 preserved. We are indeed strong unite I, and have a momentum of 
 surprising force, in marked contrast with that condition which would 
 follow dissolution and the business of civil war and bloodshed, such as 
 we have no record of in the annals of time, deep with gore as they are ; 
 but this preservation of so great a legacy must depend upon Northern 
 justice and valor. 
 
56 OUR MODERN ATHENS; 
 
 He spoke, and perished ! but his word will live, 
 To cheer the helpless as they silent grieve. 
 In "Modern Athens " those men are the first, 
 Who accept the " mean doctrine " of the curse, 
 And preach repentance of our daily sins, 
 Obtained through Christ with whom our life begins, 
 
 And now we turn to that audacious pack, 
 
 Of brazen reprobates who re labeled " quack," 
 
 In art and science, in ev ry phaze o life, 
 
 They cut large figure, rampant in the strife. 
 
 They ve bought up all th papers with their custom, 
 
 And editors of course are cautious mum ! 
 
 They 11 let them gull the public to a man. 
 
 They pay the price, " the public may be hanged." 
 
 We like ability in any form, 
 
 Whether to patch an eye or cure a corn ; 
 
 But when sound learning and still sounder sense, 
 
 Is starved to death by quackish impudence, 
 
 We think the time has come to seek a plan, 
 
 To gibbet quacks, and fumigate the land. 
 
 There s Doctor So-and-so who pulls out teeth, 
 
 And Lawyer So-and-so with his stout brief, 
 
 There s Parson John pounding hard the pulpit, 
 
 Exciting sinners to laughter, or a fit ; 
 
 There s your surgeon bold with his knife stuck in, 
 
 To some poor patient s tough and greasy skin ; 
 
 There s your man o physic o er a lady s breast, 
 
 Ambling with her mouth to find out her distress ; 
 
 There s a fellow, hard driving a split pen, 
 
 Ambitious of shining mong lettered men ; 
 
 There s a crack-brain with chisel or a brush, 
 
 Who thinketh art his mission he the first 
 
 Of artists ! weeping that the unkind world," 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 57 
 
 Should squibs and laughter at his labor hurl ; 
 All quacks ! there s not a " mother son " without, 
 The gift of doing what they know naught bout ! 
 A clever talent this we must admit, 
 But not akin to honest common wit, 
 And should be cufled and kicked till it withdraws, 
 From those high seats grasped by its dirty paws. 
 Yet quacks will flourish, since many persons are, 
 More pleased with humbug than with truth by far : 
 They love to be deceived ! and he who can, 
 Please their fancies is much the better man. 
 
 The student now doth claim our wand ring eye, 
 
 As he with patience does thought s lens apply ; 
 
 Forgetful oft that he has a body, 
 
 In his ardent love of books and study. 
 
 In " Modern Athens " there are numbers who, 
 
 Are curious and seek extensive view ; 
 
 They ve ransacked all ages and can relate, 
 
 The reign and crimes of every potentate ; 
 
 They seem to live more in the distant past, 
 
 Than in the brief present with its mean cast, 
 
 Of incident compared with what has been, 
 
 When glory moved all hearts and great was king. 
 
 We love the student for his labor tells, 
 
 O one who follows not the beaux and belles ; 
 
 Whose head is thoughtful and whose heart is pure, 
 
 Who honors truth ! delights to hunt it o er. 
 
 And though his brains may not forever be, 
 
 Able to attain th truth successfully, 
 
 So mixed with error is it yet his work, 
 
 Is noble and without least taint of hurt ; 
 
 And if he bears within his soul the will, 
 
 To conquer error he may thus fulfil, 
 
58 OUR MODERN 
 
 A mission high and live a happy man, 
 
 Conscious of God led of his holy hand. 
 
 Study is well, so too is gentle play, 
 
 The one should follow as the night the day : 
 
 They are first who in earnest seek the truth, 
 
 If feet are large and patched may be the boot. 
 
 In " Modern Athens " the studious man must, 
 
 Ever be held esteemed among the first ; 
 
 To know, to be, a lexicon of facts, 
 
 Is e er to mount and ride on others backs. 
 
 Get knowledge if thou would be known as first, 
 
 The only terror to commercial purse, 
 
 The mere money-king who waves oft his hand, 
 
 In token bold of his astute command, 
 
 With learning ! thou may st cool him down to one ! 
 
 Make him respectful as a well-whip d son. 
 
 But what of lit rature, of those who read, 
 And dear publishers and authors feed, 
 Sometimes with silver spoon, then one of brass, 
 Which gives em canker oh ! twill be the last, 
 Effort for an age to please a dull set, 
 Of book-worms who read only to regret, 
 Their time and money does not yield much more, 
 With stomachs weak and eyes so painful sore. 
 Yes, the publishers with some thousands out, 
 And authors who are grumbling with the gout, 
 Are " down " upon " blue stockings " and slim legs, 
 Owned by gents who walk only to their beds. 
 But what care readers ! they say they are first, 
 And must be served, or publishers will burst. 
 And so it goes ; your reader is a lord, 
 In " Modern Athens " as he is abroad ; 
 Pleased he must be, or his dimes will remain 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 59 
 
 In bank, and bookstores soon run short of change. 
 
 There s something quite amusing in readers, 
 
 Who snuff and do not snuff " they are sneezers " ! 
 
 There s not a single one from Bess to Half, 
 
 " That is not thunder " in learning s high behalf; 
 
 It matters not whether they re learned in signs, 
 
 Have drank the classics up, or Flemish wines ; 
 
 They re readers ! and that, sirs, is quite enough, 
 
 They 11 damn your trade if you re not " up to snuff." 
 
 By Heavens ! t is a lovely sight to see, 
 
 These readers on a literary spree ; 
 
 They ve got several new books ; " and what can, 
 
 Be said new at all by earthly man ? " 
 
 That s the great question ! look out for breakers, 
 
 0, authors ! when thy lamp-scented papers, 
 
 Have been devoured, and their flat taste discussed, 
 
 Which some laugh at, whilst others they disgust ! 
 
 They are readers, sir, and their opinions, 
 
 Thy law is ! ye are their booted minions ! 
 
 If you don t think as they would have you think, 
 
 The devil grim may take you in a wink. 
 
 In " Modern Athens " there is no class so, 
 
 Confident ready with how much they know ! 
 
 One can tell these readers at a glance, 
 
 They bear within their eye wit s bluntest lance ; 
 
 They walk too as though they bore on their top, 
 
 The " cream " of each heavy publisher s shop ; 
 
 And yet, too often, should we tap their head, 
 
 Their vast attainments bright would be but lead ! 
 
 There is a difference tween the student, 
 
 And the reader merely one is bent, 
 
 On stuffing orderly and well his brain, 
 
 With what he proves to be decided gain ; 
 
 The other like a lap-doy would be pleased, 
 
60 OUR MODERN ATHENS; 
 
 And seeks to know with the most perfect ease. 
 
 Books are to him what lovers are to maids, 
 
 Footballs to kick when fickled mood persuades. 
 
 Authors, we pity you ! we feel your woe, 
 
 To be thus exercised by readers toe ; 
 
 Yet there is no escape you re after fame, 
 
 And you must pay the price of honored name ! 
 
 If kicked, be patient ! let them kick again ; 
 
 You ve got your library you ve got your pen, 
 
 And you ve got your publisher that s a bore, 
 
 Harder than all with patience to endure ; 
 
 For, if you ve genius but have got no " tin," 
 
 They 11 print your musings, and they 11 " put you in." 
 
 For sixpence ! to their fat, full-faced dollar ! 
 
 Howe er hard you grunt, and groan, and holloa, 
 
 But publishers are well enough they re first, 
 
 In " our Athens " when not by readers cursed. 
 
 And of all men the author is the last ; 
 
 A bootblack, a scavenger, a jackass, 
 
 Are they dependent for their daily bread, 
 
 On what may chance to rattle in their head ; 
 
 And what may chance to fit a bookman s trade, 
 
 To please a loafer or to tease a maid. 
 
 Genius, poor genius is the last to see, 
 
 Itself rewarded and from sorrow free ! 
 
 But though ye thus do suffer and thus weep, 
 
 Thy soul is mighty and thy thought is deep. 
 
 If man will not a proper homage pay, 
 
 But leave thee lonely to pursue thy way, 
 
 Thy scorn is fire and thy heart is iron, 
 
 The world thy laughter, cherished dreams thy sun, 
 
 Brighter far than the light which doth illume, 
 
 Those darkened bosoms, that false pride assume, 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 61 
 
 Who would have thee work, see thee die of want, 
 And mourn thy exit with a tender grunt. 
 
 The critic now doth offer to our hand, 
 
 Attempting oft with " faintest praise to damn ;" 
 
 We ve seen such fellows, and we ve seen them whip d, 
 
 By something less than classic school-boy wit ; 
 
 They ve great courage when they scent no danger, 
 
 Snappish and snarling as th dog in th manger ; 
 
 But let a crack of genius sharp the ear 
 
 Arrest, and they fall backward in the rear ; 
 
 They re last just now, but will quite soon be first, 
 
 When some moderate author comes with verse ; 
 
 They 11 " shin " him sure, and if his bones are loose, 
 
 They 11 shake them out of him with mean abuse. 
 
 In " Modern Athens " these quill-men are first, 
 
 When they dignify not abuse their trust ; 
 
 But most strange it is we have few critics, 
 
 Who are superlatively diamond wits ; 
 
 They may well cut, but they do not sparkle ! 
 
 Their knife s a bowie not an article 
 
 Of finished poignancy which does its work, 
 
 With thoroughness ! but not with lasting hurt ! 
 
 We want such critics, we must have them too, 
 
 Fair play to authors is from " Athens " due. 
 
 One word of clerks ! those small and tender limbs, 
 Of commerce whose labors with day begins ; 
 Whose pay s a trifle and whose hopes are dark, 
 Whose life s a burden, and whose bliss a spark, 
 No sooner kindled than fate puts it out, 
 Through churlish master or some other lout ; 
 They are but clerks, and pray what is a clerk, 
 More than common and most neglected dirt ? 
 6 
 
62 OUR MODERN ATHENS; 
 
 They help make fortunes, but well what of that, 
 
 The mule draws th dray, the soldier bears the sack ; 
 
 But neither mule or man is thought to be, 
 
 Worthy of care in any marked degree ; 
 
 They are driven fast or slow as the need, 
 
 Of master may require, and though they bleed 
 
 At heart, and ask whence has sweet justice flown, 
 
 Echo responsive greets them with a moan : 
 
 And so they pass and " onward plod their way," 
 
 Till " worked to death " they back return to clay ; 
 
 Glad to depart from out the traces drear, 
 
 In which they ve pulled unloved from year to year ; 
 
 In which they ve known how base it is to serve, 
 
 Where honor is not and where truth s unheard ! 
 
 Take courage clerks ! and if thy talents are, 
 
 For others plied be thou above them far ; 
 
 If they thy talents use and do not give, 
 
 Thee recompense to save as well as live, 
 
 Above them be in this, accomplished mind ! ! 
 
 A bliss they know not with their much-prized coin : 
 
 Teach them to feel there is a solace dear, 
 
 In cultured taste though oft flows sorrow s tear ; 
 
 Teach them to be, though masters, gentlemen ! 
 
 To pay for service what tis worth to them. 
 
 Let thy example and thy spirit brave, 
 
 Teach them thou art no mean and coward slave ; 
 
 That thy soul is lofty, thy purpose pure, 
 
 Equal with them before God s perfect law ; 
 
 So shalt thou stand mid " Athens " honored first, 
 
 Humble though thy lot, scanty though thy purse. 
 
 And last, not least, in our love, mechanic, 
 We take thy hand and have pleasure in it ; 
 Thy " bone and sinew and thy manly brain," 
 
OR, WHO IS FIRST? 63 
 
 Are "Athens " boast, and "Athens 1 " needful gain ! 
 
 There is a set who turn their backs on thee, 
 
 But manly hearts of insolence are free ! 
 
 T is only those with more of pride than sense, 
 
 Who fail to see thy foremost consequence ; 
 
 The knowledge which is thine, and must be thine, 
 
 To do thy labor taxes much thy mind ; 
 
 Not more the merchant or the physician, 
 
 Stout manhood needs to maintain position ! 
 
 When thou art true to thyself and science, 
 
 Thou art \hsfirst, howe er unrecompensed 
 
 May be thy weary toil while others play, 
 
 And strut about as idlers all the day : 
 
 We trust the time s not distant when thy mind, 
 
 Will more of right in mammon s conscience find ; 
 
 When thy pay shall be worthy of thy toil, 
 
 Thy hand no meaner cause that it is soiled. 
 
 It is to tJiee " our Athens " owes her dress, 
 
 Of mechanic beauty ! her happiness 
 
 In fame ! thy " vulgar energies " conjoined 
 
 With capital hath wafted o er the main. 
 
 And shall thy solid worth be trampled on, 
 
 By upstart pigmies to starve perhaps anon ! 
 
 Looking as though a stout hammer and nail, 
 
 Would spend their wind and flat their spreading sail. 
 
 Are such as these to outface thee brave man, 
 
 In "Athens " noted for thy most skilful hand ! 
 
 Oh, no, thou rt first ! hold up thy honest head, 
 
 And be not dashed by peacock pigmies tread. 
 
 And now to close ; yet ere we wipe our pen, 
 And bring this doggerel to a speedy end, 
 We would discursive wander through the town 
 And turn a few more sweet " Athenians " round : 
 
64 
 
 First, there is Jim munching his dime cigar, 
 Great at billiards, and often at the " bar." 
 He loves the ladies, but their papas say, 
 To win so smart a youth will never pay. 
 He s first ! ! ! that is, his family is known, 
 To live about the lofty State House dome ; 
 He s a gymnast smart, can box well and fence, 
 In these accomplishments he shows much sense. 
 Then there s Titans ! who 11 oar it full two miles, 
 Ere you can kiss a maiden for her smiles. 
 They are trumps ! and only play to win, 
 Loving a boat as Satan worships sin : 
 But with all their muscle, oars, and prizes, 
 They are modest youths and wait on ladies ; 
 They are not " blowers " though heroes bold, 
 In " Athens" honored for their manly soul : 
 We think them first we think all fully first, 
 Taking to water and who take the purse ! 
 We bid God speed heroic muscle mind 
 Too, that loves th oar, but not to oars incline. 
 
 From hearty youth we pass to proud old maids, 
 Decked out in crinoline and in brocades ; 
 They ve had more offers than pet squirrels nuts, 
 But their " dear men " have been misfortune s butts, 
 Who would not wed " till they could see their way," 
 For honor bade them keep dear love at bay. 
 So thus these maidens once so fresh and fair, 
 Have been compelled a lap-dog for an heir ; 
 They " rip out " sometimes, but when day is fine, 
 And the heart beats freely as runs good old wine, 
 They get up a laugh and wonder how t is, 
 Girls are so pleased with man s disgusting phiz. 
 They would not marry the best one alive," 
 
K , WHO I S F I R S T ? 65 
 
 Though bad their teeth, their hair most deeply dyed. 
 
 They sigh, to think it though, for after all, 
 
 There is joy in whiskers nicely oiled ; 
 
 They feel so down-like laid gently on the face, 
 
 While husband s arm enfolds the wife s dear waist, 
 
 That really, though men are plagues and puppies, 
 
 Pleased they would be with same, at least, as wooers. 
 
 There are in " Modern Athens " men of note, 
 
 Who bout theatres, show-shops, and bar-rooms float ; 
 
 They are the " small-beer wits " who croak, splutter, 
 
 Of genius and bet high on one another ; 
 
 If they can make their bed, and board, and drinks, 
 
 T is all they care for " damn what th parson thinks ;" 
 
 With managers, editors, reporters, 
 
 They are arm-in-arm as sons and daughters : 
 
 Their smiles are mutual and their hearts soft, 
 
 As hides in store-house on Commercial Wharf. 
 
 Perhaps wooing the manager is one, 
 
 Who s got a play he would have speedy done ; 
 
 The " manager dear " loathes him in his soul, 
 
 But as t is genius pleads he must out-hold, 
 
 Some look of kindness and with base pretense, 
 
 Appear to honor his dramatic sense. 
 
 And so it goes, and so those who would gain, 
 
 From out the stage an author s noble fame, 
 
 Must write his scenes with trembling and in fear, 
 
 To be repaid by disappointment s tear ; 
 
 To be kicked and pushed by actors and pimps, 
 
 Who beset our theatres like deathless imps. 
 
 If one has genius to write classic play, 
 
 He yold should have to pave his muddy way , 
 
 To keep himself aloof from meanest pack, 
 
 Who labor hard to break an author s back. 
 
66 OUR MODERN ATHENS; 
 
 Money, ay money, is the need of all, 
 
 The drama s genius as the " nigger s ball ;" 
 
 If you have mind arid soul and will to be, 
 
 A noted character be banker ! he 
 
 Can have plays done though poor their plot and sense, 
 
 Buy managers, actors, with recompense ! 
 
 Let lubbers howl their criticisms wild, 
 
 What care thee fortune s imperial child ! * 
 
 The stage should be held in the highest praise, 
 " Nature s mirror " in each succeeding age ! 
 Genius alone should govern and control, 
 And favors asked should be denied the bold, 
 And pert who forward push to fill the place, 
 Which genius most godlike alone can grace I 
 We know t is easy to define the law, 
 That should prevail as it prevailed of yore, 
 When men were authors whose wild stormy souly, 
 Demanded actors equal to their roles ! 
 Arid actors too were men whose genius felt, 
 The glow of nature and with transport melt ! 
 Who soared with no hand op d no mouthing lip, 
 
 * We have no hesitation in saying that the manner in which the fa 
 vors of managers, actors, and actresses are obtained, by those wishing 
 new pieces produced, is a sad stigma upon the profession. An author, 
 or his friends, must play the toady for an indefinite period, or possess 
 such an overshadowing influence as to command their support at once, 
 in order to get a new piece performed, which, if successful, imposes 
 upon the "poor author " an everlasting debt of gratitude, he is not 
 expected ever to be able to pay. If his plays make him anything, and 
 he does not give pretty much all to those who have performed it, his 
 meanness becomes the subject of general discussion ; so that a man, 
 unless under the most favorable circumstances, had better at once 
 hang himself, than attempt to acquire either fame or a competence by 
 dramatic authorship. He is beset on all sides by enemies, among 
 whom are a dissatisfied pack, who have the ambition to write for the 
 stage, but neither the talent, genius, or industry to accomplish any 
 thing meritorious. They block the way of true merit, as so much im 
 movable lumber, and are an unqualified nuisance : 
 
I S F I R ST? 67 
 
 Whose form and features were a language fit, 
 To bring down the house fill the eye with tear, 
 Winning nightly laurel from " the public dear." 
 13 ut though that age has passed and at this hour, 
 The drama crippled has lost its power, 
 Yet may it be in " Modern Athens " made, 
 To natter genius and its merit aid ; 
 There is no school like it, and people will 
 Cherish its love and cling around it still ; 
 The poet s soul exhales most fragrance here, 
 Which nature counterfeits to virtue rear : 
 Let " Modern Athens " place among her first, 
 The drama s masters of the sock and verse, 
 Let this art so ancient and truly great, 
 Be here protected from disastrous fate ; 
 Let it be raised at once and all become, 
 Pledged to guard it even to martyrdom. 
 
 And now, kind reader, be thou foul or fair, 
 We thank thee warmly for thy tentive ear ; 
 If thou perchance doth deem we ve stricken hard, 
 Bethink thee of our subject that the bard, 
 Is privileged to speak the truth though sad 
 Its telling, when listeners would be glad. 
 If life is sickening and if mankind, 
 Prefers clouds to light, to continue blind, 
 We are not disposed to aid in this 
 Oblivion to greet them with a kiss, 
 When we should reprove and dare to inform, 
 Of what we see in human life deformed ; 
 If we write and publish, ye shall perceive 
 As we, the great, and oh, most crying need ! 
 Of sense and virtue mong the class who reign, 
 Above the censure and the breath of blame ; 
 
68 OUR MODERN ATHENS. 
 
 But we can reach them with our trusty pen, 
 And though not Jove, we yet can truth defend ! 
 It is the only cause on this tear-wet earth, 
 Worthy of manhood s love and manhood s work ! 
 It is the only cause which moves the heart, 
 Towards its God, and godlike strength impart ! 
 Forgive us, then, if in our hearty hate, 
 For those tawdry beings who would be great, 
 We have thrown our ink with ungentle force, 
 To stay mad folly in its wayward course. 
 
 Farewell, our friend ! if indeed thou rt a friend ; 
 We wish thee merry to life s latest end ; 
 And when thy bones shall repose in the box, 
 As thou art laid in th tomb with other corpse, 
 May thy spirit freed from care, passion, here, 
 Be perfect honor in a nobler sphere ; 
 May virtue s laurels bind thy angel head ; 
 Thy prayers be offered for the coming dead ; 
 And if, perchance, our steps thou dost precede, 
 Attend our sorrows and supply our need ;* 
 So we will part, and in that parting hope, 
 On truth hereafter to more fondly dote. 
 
 * "There is something, I am convinced," continued Byron, "in 
 the poetical temperament, that precludes happiness, not only to the 
 person who has it, but to those connected with him. Do not accuse 
 me of vanity because I say this, as my belief is that the worst poet 
 may share this misfortune in common with the best. The w;iy in 
 which I account for it is, that our imaginations being warmer than 
 our hearts, and much more given to wander, the latter have not the 
 power to control the former ; hence soon after our passions are grati 
 fied, imagination again takes wing, and, finding the insufficiency of 
 actual indulgence beyond the moment, abandons itself to all its way 
 ward fancies, and during this abandonment becomes cold and insensi 
 ble to the demands of afiection." Lady Blessinyton s Conversations 
 with Byron. 
 
 " Species ducet te, video." 
 HORACE. 
 
NOTE. 
 
 IF any one should have the patience and good nature to read through 
 this rhyme, and, after "due deliberation," should charge the author 
 with a " base and malicious disposition towards the wealthy classes," 
 he has only to say to that person, whoever he or she may be, that he 
 values such an opinion as he does the howling of a wolf chained to a 
 pig-sty. There is no one who entertains a higher regard for honorable 
 wealth than he. A good and liberal, whole-souled man, cannot have 
 too much of this world s goods ; because he looks upon his success as a 
 trust from Heaven, and aims to discharge his duty faithfully. These 
 and their wealth he highly esteems, whether he happens to be the re 
 cipient of their friendship or not. 
 
 His rhyme has been directed against those miserable wretches whose 
 money is their god, whose puffed-up, vain, and conceited souls are 
 incapable of a noble impulse, and the chief pleasure of whose lives ap 
 pears to be, " looking down " on their less fortunate fellow-citizens, and 
 assuming a consequence which is as contemptible as it is vulgar, and 
 unauthoi-ized either by common sense or common honesty. 
 
 If his rhyme ofl ends these snobs, he thanks God they are capable of 
 feeling his arrows, and he only regrets it is not in his power .to drive 
 them between the watery walls of some Red Sea, that like Pharoah and 
 his host, they and their bastard seed might perish forever. 
 
 We have taken the liberty to allude, in the course of this verse, to 
 the fashion of the times, which is to cram the heads of all those who 
 are ambitious to be stuffed with any quantity of learning. In our 
 allusion we have been a little playful, and for the reason that we see 
 so much in this custom which is ludicrous in the extreme. 
 
 One of the most entertaining novels that ever was written could be 
 made up of the over-educated brains, and dry, unsympathetic hearts, 
 of the society of this and other communities of New England. We 
 sincerely trust that some one who has the genius adequate to the work 
 will ere long present us with the ludicrous in the educated circles of 
 New England. Learning has absolutely become an egregious bore, in 
 too many instances. So much is this the case that persons with a fair 
 amount of common sense, and good dispositions, feel themselves to be 
 unsafe among what is termed the " learned world," lest they should 
 discover their ignorance of the ancient and modern languages, the de 
 tails of history, together with the data of science, the beauties of the 
 poets, the rules of art, and all other matters discussed by the learned ; 
 in the event of which, poor souls, they are liable to the awful fate of 
 being contemptuously classed with the " vulgar." We think there is 
 
70 
 
 NOTE. 
 
 . 
 
 upon the face of God s green earth no meaner, more despicable object 
 than he or she who makes a parade of their knowledge with a view to 
 embarrass others, a not infrequent occurrence, in our " highly edu 
 cated New England society." If some one does not attempt the illus 
 tration of these double-refined nosegays this ludicrous, bombastic 
 scholarship feeble as we are for the task, we shall, nevertheless, ap 
 proach it with what power we possess, and knock at least some few 
 feathers from the birds at which we aim. 
 
 There is reason in all things ; and so, too, there should be reason in 
 the management of one s knowledge. If mere saps of either sex, be 
 cause they have a certain amount of polite learning in their noddles, 
 are to be encouraged in the assumption and absurdities so glaring in 
 society, it is quite time that the pen of satire, as an avenging sword, 
 should be drawn against them, and wielded with relentless vigor. It 
 is the only means which can save us from running into that sadest of 
 all conditions literary sottishness. 
 
 On reading " Our Modern Athens ; or, Who is First? " to a pleas 
 ant friend, she looked at us with a fearful countenance, and said, 
 "Do you really mean to publish that? Why, sir, there has been 
 nothing so severe ever given to the public ; and though most truthful, 
 it will bring about your ears untold curses." 
 
 We replied, that we did not care whom we offended ; that we had 
 been impressed to make the attack, and should follow out our purpose. 
 We had been witness to the insolent pride and bearing of the snobs of 
 "Athens," and could not resist the sweet temptation to hiss them 
 heartily. We have not done with them yet, nor shall we desist from 
 our intention of castigating them periodically, until the novelty of our 
 task wears off. 
 
 " But, sir," replied our friend, " you have imposed upon yourself 
 a heavy burden. You can never hope to change the ideas which are 
 so offensive to all true refinement, in brains which are incapable of 
 correct notions of life." 
 
 "True, true, most true," we interrupted ; " we cannot change their 
 ideas, perhaps, but may we not disease them give them the dysen 
 tery or consumption ; so that by and by they will disappear." 
 
 Our kind friend laughed, and then, with a great deal of gravity, 
 said, " Sir, you are a miracle. Go on, and prosper." 
 
 We, too, in our turn, laughed, and wondered how our friend came 
 to speak so much to the point, and so truthfully ; for are we not, kind 
 reader, out of the common course of things, to write as we have writ 
 ten of " Our Modern Athens " ? If you are a snob you will not, per 
 haps, deign to answer us ; but if you are, on the contrary, a person 
 of virtuous tastes and inclinations, you will unhesitatingly commend 
 our adventure, and do all you can to circulate the document. With 
 such as you we can shake hands honestly. As for all others, against 
 them we wage an eternal war of laughter and contempt ! Snob ! 
 fare thee well ; remember, the fool has said in his heart there is 
 no God ; and the surest way to become a fool is, if you are of the 
 mass, gender, to perfume your whiskers ; and if of the /em. gender, 
 to color your eye-brows, and "cut " the humble. 
 
re 13705 
 
 M189007 
 
 our 
 
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