R085] UC-NRLF B a flflT 02T iDuntcvtan (tint GRE I >--_./ >- GREENES GHOST HAVNTING CONIE- . ^ CATCHERS.. ^ Wherein is fet dow7ie, The Arte of Humouring. The Arte of carrying Stones. Will. St. Lift. la. Foft. Law. Ned Bro. Catch, and Blacke Robins Kindneffe. With the conceits of Dodlor Pinch-backe a notable Makefhift. Ten times more pleafant then any thing yet piihliJJied of this matter. Noil ad itnitandiivt, fed ad eiiitandtim. LONDON, Printed for R. lack/on^ and I, Nor thy and are to be fold in Fleetftreete, a little aboiie the Conduit, 1602. 7^1 tin TO ALL GENTLEMEN, MER- chants, Apprentlfes, Farmers, and plaine countrimen, health. T is moft true, Gentlemen, and wo- fuU experience dayly teacheth vs, that the more carefull Princes are in erefling & eftablifliing good lawes, for the rooting out of vice in the common wealth, the more repug- nant (the diuell altogether predomi- nant ouer them) do euil difpofed per- fons, caterpillers, and the off-fcumme of the world (and ther- fore to be reie6led and excommunicated from the fellowfhip of all honefl men) oppofe themfelues againft God and good gouernement, and in fteede of an honeft and ciuill cariage (which the Lawe prefcribes them) betake them to a moft hatefull, vicious, and deteflable life : Who, as they may well be compared to vipers, moft venimous and fpitefull beafts, that for their venime and poifon are hated and fhunned of all men, as moffc preiudiciall creatures : fo thefe bafe people, not once thinking of an honeft courfe of life, trufting vpon their owne mother wits, dayly deuife newe fliifts and policies, to fleece the plaine dealing man, and by that meanes growe in- to more hate amongft honeft men, then do the hated lewes at this day: and the name of Conicatchers is fo odious, that now a dayes it is had vp, and vfed for an opprobrious name for euerie one that fheweth the leaft occafion of deceit. The bookes that were not long ago fet forth, concerning Conie- catching and croffe-biting, and the difcouerie of each (if anie fparke of grace were) might haue beene fo manie reftraints A 2 and 1^203091 The Epiille and bridles to call them from that abominable life, but they that are giuen ouer to their owne hearts luft, with all their might inueigh both againft them and their Author. I haue therefore, Gentlemen, as one inforced (amove patriae) taken in hand to publifli this little Pamphlet (which by a very friend came by a chance to my hands, and adding fomewhat of mine owne knowledge, and vpon verie credible informa- tion) moffc neceffarie in my mind for the good of the com- mon wealth, both for all men to fee, what groffe villanies are now pra6lifed in the bright Sunne-fhine, that thereby they may be forewarned to take heede how they conuerfe with fuch cofoning companions : as alfo a iuft checke and controll to fuch wicked liuers, that they perceiuing their goodneffe fet abroch, may with remorfe and penitencie forfake their abo- minable courfe of life, and betake them to a more honeft and ciuill behauiour. If any with the fpider heere feeke to fucke poifon, let fuch a one take heede, that in praftifmg his villany he chaunce commence Bachelor in Whittington Colledge, and fo in good time take his degrees and proceede Doctor, and thence with a folemne proceffion take poffeffion of do- 6lor Stories cappe ; to which fome of the worfhipfull compa- nie of Conicatchers haue worthily heretofore attained. In this Treatife (louing countrimen) you fhall fee what fhifts this crue of helhounds haue put in pra6life fmce the bookes of Conicatching came forth, vnder thefe names, viz. The Art of Humoring, TJie Art of carrying Jlones ; W.St Lift, la. laivc. Ned Br. catch, and Blacke Robins kindneffe: Wher- in are manifefted the nature of Humorifts, fuch as can infmu- ate themfelues into euerie mans companie : & as they fee him addi6led, fo will they verfe vpon him, what policies they haue to purloine goods out of fhops vnder the pretence of plain- neffe, what fhifts they haue to cofen poore Alewiues, by the art of carrying ftones, what inconuenience may come by fol- lowing flattering ftrumpets, I know not I what fliould be the caufe why fo innumerable harlots and Curtizans abide about London, but becaufe that good lawes are not looked vnto : is there not one appointed for the apprehending of fuch hell- moths, Dedicatorie. moths, that eat a man out of bodie & foule ? And yet there be more notorious ftrumpets & their mates about the Citie and the fuburbs, then euer were before the Marfhall was appoin- ted : idle mates I meane, that vnder the habit of a Gentleman or feruing man, think themfelues free from the whip, although they can giue no honeft account of their life. I could wifli, and fo it is to be wifhed of euery honeft subie6l, that Amafis lawe were receiued, who ordained that euerie man at the yeares end fhould giue an account to the Magiftrate how hee liued, and he that did not fo, or could not make an account of an honeft life to be put to death as a fellon, without fauor or par- don : What then fhould become of a number of our vpftart gallants, that Hue only by the fweate of other mens browes, and are the decay of the forwardeft Gentlemen and beft wits ? Then fhould we haue fewer conicatching ftrumpets, who are the verie caufes of all the plagues that happen to this flouri- fhing common wealth. They are the deftru6lion of fo manie Gentlemen in England. By them many Lordfhips come to mine. What dangers growe by dallying with fuch vnchaft Li- bertines, and what inconuenience followes by their inordlnat pleafures, let thofe that haue had wofull experience and mai- fter Surgeon together teftifie : nay, they not onely indanger the bodie by lothfom difeafes, but ingraue a perpetuall fhame in the forehead of the partie, and finally confume his foule and make him fit for the diuell. To leaue thefe bafe companions (that can be by no wholfom counfell, nor aduifed perfwafions bee diffwaded from their lothfom kind of life, nor called to any honeft courfe of lining) in the dregges of their difhonefty. Would it pleafe the hono- rable and worfhipfull of the land to take order for the cutting off of thefe cofoners, and confuming cankers of this common wealth, they fhould not only caufe a bleffmg to be powred on this flourifhing ftate, but haue the prayers of euery good fub- ie6l for their profperous healths and welfare. And thus Gen- tlemen, I conclude with this farewell : God either conuert or confound fuch bafe companions. Yours to vfe, S. R. To the Reader. Se andperufe not with a curious eye, For Truth offs blainde, yet neiier telleih lie. I tell not /, what forraine men Jiaite done, But follow that zvhich othei's haue begun. No learned Clearke in Schooles that vfe to write, But Enuie makes their labours forne to fpite. What then JJiall I, that write a homely Jlile, Thinhe but to haue a homely fcoffing /mile. But thefe and thofe that either inocke orjkorne, Would they might weare (f aire fight) A6leons home. But you kifid friends, that loueyour countries wealth, Vouch of my labours, good fortune guide yoiir health. To pleafure mofl, and profit all's my end. My greatefl care to pleafe both foe and friend. Reade then kifid friends, my trauell heerc you haue, I looke for nought, nought but your loues I craue. GREENES GHOST haunting Conlcatchers. Here hath beene of late dales pub- hfhed two merrie and pithie Pam- phlets of the arte of Conicatching : wherin the Author hath fufficiently expreffed his experiece, as alfo his loue to his Countrie. Neuerthe- leffe with the Authors leaue, I will ouerlooke fome lawe tearmes ex- preffed in the firfl part of Conicatching : whereunto, as the Author faith, is neceffarilie required three parties : The fet- ter, the Verfer, and the Barnacle. Indeed I haue heard fome retainers to this ancient trade difpute of his proceedings in this cafe, and by them in a full Synode of quart pots it was thorowlie examined and concluded, that there were no fuch names as he hath fet downe, nor anie cheating Arte fo chriftened as Conicatching. Marie, in effe6l there is the like vnderhand trafifique daylie vfed and experien- ced among fome fewe ftart vp Gallants difperfb about the fuburbs of London, who tearmes him that drawes the fifh to the bait, the Beater, and not the Setter: the Tauerne where they go, the Bufh, and the foole fo caught, the Bird. As for Conicatching, they cleape it Batfowling, the wine the Strap, and the cards the Limetwigs. Now for the compaf- fmg of a woodcocke to worke on, and the fetching him into the wine bench of his wracke, is right beating the bufli. The good affe is he will be dealt vpon, flouping to the lure : if he be fo wife as to keep aloofe, a Haggard, And he whom he Greenes Ghoft he makes Verfer the Retriuer, and the Barnacle the Pothunter. But all this breakes no fquare, fo long as we concurre in eodem fuhie£lo : yet I wifh, that as he hath looked into thefe wicked a6lions opened therein, fo he had alfo looked into other groffe finnes, which are feeded in the hearts of fundrie perfons. Extortion had beene a large theame to haue wrought vpon: and with the Vfurers bagges full of gold he might haue handled another pretie Treatife: He might haue brought forth luftice weying bread, and the Baker putting his eares in the ballance to make euen weight. He fliould haue perfonated the Thames rnoft piti- fully complaining, what monftrous hauocke the Brew- ers make of her water, without all remorfe or compaffi- on : and how they put in willowe leaues and broome buds into their woort in fteed of hoppes. So likewife a Chriflian exhortation to mother Bunch would not haue done amifle, that fhe fhould not mixe lime with her Ale, to make it mightie, or cozen the Queenes liege people of their drink, by fubbing them off with thefe flender wafted blacke pots and Cannes, that will hold little more then a Sering. A profitable Treatife might haue alfo beene publiflied for fuch companions to looke into, as for good fellowfhip will not fticke to lend two or three falfe oathes to defeate the widdow and fatherleffe of their right, though in fliort fpace after they lofe their eares for their labour. A perfwafion againfl pride had beene verie profitable : and an exhortati- on againft fwearing had beene a thing commendable, if he had in a pleafant Treatife fliewed the folly of yong youthes and idle queanes; which entring into the feruice of fundrie honeft perfons, continue there no longer then they can cleanly conuay fome fufificient cariage for their prefent maintenance. Then had he done well, and perad- uenture giuen fuch light to fundrie honefl houfliolders, that they would be careful! what perfons they had receiued into their houfes or put in truft about their bufmeffe. There might haue alfo beene compiled a delectable and pleafant haunting Conicatchers. pleafant Treatife of the abufe committed by fuch as fell bottle ale, who to make it fly vp to the top of the houfe at the firft opening do put gunpowder into the bottles while the ale is new. Then by flopping it clofe, make the people beleeue it is the flrength of the ale, when being truly fif- ted it is nothing indeed but the flrength of the gunpowder that worketh the effe6l, to the great heart-burning of the parties that drinke the fame. I would haue had him touch the contrarietie of apparell, and fet downe reafons to dif- fwade men from wearing French peakes, becaufe they are good for nothing but to ftab men, as alfo told the vfe of the terrible cut, and the Swallow taile flash. To leaue daliance and come to the matter. I will in- forme you what policies haue beene pra6lifed fmce the books of Conicatching were fet forth. Thefe Batfowlers or Conicatchers hauing loft a collop of their lining, by communicating their fecrets with babling companions, haue now inuented a newe tricke to fetch in the pence. They difguife themfelues like Apparitors or Sumners, and come to a young Gentleman, Merchant, or old pinch- cruft, as it maie fall out, that hath gotten a maid, a mans daughter, or this widdow or ordinarie woman with child, or at leaft haue beene more neere with them then they fhould: and them they threaten with proceffe, citations, the whip, or the white flieete at leaft, vntill they come to compofitio. The timorous foules fearing to be made a by- word of fhame to the whole Citie, bribe them with all that euer they can rap and rend, to holde their peace, and faue their honeflie. They will vrge the ftri6lneffe of their oath, and the danger of the law in fuch cafes of concealement, vntill they can fee them come off roundly : then they will hamme and hauke, and faie they are not euery bodie, and fo take their mony, and returne laughing in their sl^eues, to thinke how they cofoned them. Within fliort time after they fend another of their copef- mates after the fame fort, and he giues them the like pluck. And fo two or three one after the other, fhall neuer leaue B affliaing Greenes Ghoft affli6lmg his ghoft, till they haue made him as bare as a birds taile, fo as he hath not one pennie more to faue him from hanging, if neede were. A monftrous abufe of autho- ritie, and hindrance to the courts of luflice, that haue the ouerfight of fuch offences. Other there be that do nothing but ride vp and downe the countrie, like yong merchants a wooing, and they will marrie euerie moneth a new wife, & then fleece her of all fhe hath, that done run away, and learne where another rich widow dwelleth, and ferue her after the fame fort: fo rounding England, til they haue pickt vp their crummes, and got enough to maintaine them all their life after. But exceeding all thefe are the fine fleights of our Ita- lian humourifts, who being men for all companies, will by once conuerfmg with a man fo draw him to them, that he fhall thinke nothing in the world too deare for them, nor once be able to part them, vntill they haue fpent all they haue on them. If he be lafciuioufly addi6led they haue Aretines Tables at his fingers ends, to feede him on with new kinde of fil- thineffe : they will come in with Rowfe the French painter, and fhew what an vnlawfull vaine he had in baudrie : not a whore nor a queane about the towne but they knowe, and can tell her markes, and where, and with whom sh^e hofts. If they fee you couetoufly bent, they will difcourfe won- ders of the Philofophers ftone, and make you beleeue they can make gold of goofe-greafe, only you muft be at fome two or three hundred pound charge, or fuch a fmall trifle, to helpe to fet vp their flilles, and then you n6ede not care where you beg your bread : for they will make you do little better, if you follow their prefcriptions. Difcourfe with them of countries, they will fet you on fire with trauelling: yea what place is it they will not fweare they haue beene in, and I warrant you tell fuch a found tale, as if it were all Gofpell they fpake. Not a cor- ner in Fraunce but they can defcribe. Venice, why.? It is nothing, for they haue intelligence of it euerie houre, and '" at haunting Conicatchers. at euerie word will come in with Siado Curtizano, tell you fuch miracles of Madame Padilia and Romana Impia, that you will be mad till you be out of England : & if he fee you are caught with this baite he will make as though he will leaue you, and faine bufmeffe about the Court, or that fuch a Noble man fent for him, when you will rather confent to robbe all your friends then bee feuered from him one houre. If you requeft his companie to traueile, he will fay. In faith I cannot tell, I would fooner fpend my life in your companie, then in anie mans in England. But at this time I am not fo prouided of monie as I would: ther- fore I can make no promife: and if a man fhould aduen- ture vpon fuch a iourney without money, it were mifera- ble and bafe, and no man will care for vs. Tut monie fay you (like a liberall young maifter) take no care for that, for I haue fo much land, and I will fell it, my credite is worth fo much, and I will vfe it. I haue the keeping of a Cofens chamber of mine, which is an old counfellour, and he this vacation time is gone downe into the countrie, we will breake vp his fludie, rifle his cheftes, diue into the bottome of his bagges, but we will haue to ferue our turne, rather then faile we will fell his bookes, pawne his bedding & hangings, and make riddance of all his houfe- hold fhuffe to fet vs packing. To this he liftens a little, and faith, Thefe are fome hopes yet, but if he fliould goe with you, and you haue monie, and he none, you will do- mineere ouer him at your pleafure, & then he were wel fet vp to leaue fuch poffibilities in Englad, & be made a flaue in another countrie. With that you offer to part halfes with him, or put al into his cuftody, before he fhould think you meant otherwife then wel with him. He takes you at your offer, and promifeth to hufband it fo for you, that you fhall fpend with the befl, and yet not waft halfe fo much as you do. Which makes you (meaning fimpHe) to put him in truft, and giue him the purfe. Then all a boone voyage into the lowe Countries you trudge, and fo traueile vp into Italy, but per varies caftts, & tot difcrimina reriini, in a B 2 towne II Greenes Gholl towne of garrifon he leaues you, runnes awaie with your monie, and makes you glad to betake your felfe to pro- uant and become a Gentleman of a companie. If he feare you will make after him he will change his name: and if there be anie Gentleman or other in the countrie, he will borrow his name and creepe into his kinred, or it fhall coft him a fall, and make him paie fweetly for it in the end, if he take not the better heed. Thus will he be fure to haue one Affe or other a foote to keepe himfelfe in pleafmg. There is no Arte but he will haue a fuperficiall fight into, and put downe euerie man with talke: and when he hath vttred the moft he can, make men bel^eue he knowes ten times more then he will put into their heads, which are fecrets not to be made common to euerie one. He will perfwade you he hath twentie receits of loue powders, that he can frame a ring with fuch a deuife, that if a wench put it on her finger fhe fhal not choofe but follow you vp and downe the ftreetes. If you haue an enemy that you would be faine rid of, he will teach you to poifon him with your verie lookes: to fland on the top of Poules with a burning glaffe in your hand, and caft the fame with fuch a force on a mans face that walkes vnder, that it fhall ftrike him ftark dead, more violently then lightning. To fill a letter full of needles, which fhall be laid after fuch a mathematical order, that when he opens it, to whom it is fent, they fhall fpring vp and flie into his bodie forci- bly, as if they had beene blowne vp with gunpowder, or fent from a Caliuers mouth like fmall fhot. To conclude, he will haue fuch probable reafons to pro- cure beleefe to his lies, fuch a fmooth tongue to deliuer them, and fet them forth with fuch a grace, that he fhould be a verie wife man did not fwallow the Gudgin at his hands. In this fort haue I knowne fundrie young Gentle- men of England trained forth to their owne deftru6lion, which makes me the more willing to publifh this dis- courfe haunting Conlcatchers. courfe, the better to forewarne other of fuch Batfowling companions; as alfo for the rooting out of thefe infinua- ting moth-wormes that eate men out of their fubftance vnfeene, and are the decaie of the forwardefl Gentlemen and beft wits. How manie haue we about London, yt to the difgrace of Gentlemen Hue gentlemanlike of themfelues hauing neither mony nor land, nor any lawful means to maintain them, fome by play, and then they go a mumming into the countrie all the Chriflmas time with falfe dice, or if there be anie place where Gentlemen or merchants frequent in the Citie, or anie towne corporate, thither will they, either difguifed like to yong merchants, or fubftantiall Citizens, and draw them all drie that euer dealt with them. There are fome that doe nothing but walke vp and downe Paules, or come to fhops to buy wares, with bud- gets of writings vnder their armes: and thefe will vrge talke with anie man about their futes in law, and difcourfe vnto them how thefe and thefe mens bands they haue for money, that are the chiefeft dealers in London, Norwich, Briftow, and fuch like places, and complaine that they can not get one pennie. Why, if fuch a one doth owe it you (faith fome man that knowes him) I durft buy the debt of you, let me get it of him as I can, O faith my budget- man, I haue his hand and feale to fhewe, looke heere els: and with that pluckes out a counterfeit band (as all other his writings are) and reades it to him. Whereupon for halfe in halfe they prefently compound, and after that hee hath that ten pounds paid him for his band of twentie be- fides the forfeiture, or fo forth, he fayes, Faith thefe Law- yers drinke me as drie as a fieue, and I haue mony to pay at fuch a daie, and I doubt I fhall not be able to compaffe it: here are all the leafes and euidences of my land lying in fuch a fhire, I would you would lend me fortie pounds on them till the next tearme, or for fome fixe moneths, and then either it fhall be repayd with intereft, or I will forfeit my whole inheritace, which is better worth then a hundred B 3 marks 13 Greenes Ghofl marks a yeare. The wealthie retailer, citizen, merchant, Gentleman or young nouice that hath fbore of crownes lying by him, greedy of fuch a bargaine, thinking perhaps by one claufe or other to defeat him of all he hath, lends him the mony and takes a faire ftatute merchant of his lands before a ludge, but when all comes to all, he hath no more land in England then feuen foote in the Church yard, neither is his inheritance either in Poffe or Effe, then a paire of gallowes in a greene field, nor do anie fuch occupiers knowe him, much leffe owe him anie money, whereby the couetous perfon is cheated fortie or fiftie pounds thick at one clap. Not vnlike to thefe are they, that comming to Ordina- ries about the Exchange where Merchants do table for the moft part, will faie they haue two or three fhips of coales late come from Newcaftle, and wifh they could light on a good chapman that would deale for them altogether. What is your price, faith one.' What's your price, faith another.' He holds them at the firft at a very high rate, and fets a good face on it, as though he had fuch traffique indeed, but afterward comes downe fo low, y^ euerle man ftriues who fhall giue him earneft firfl: and ere he be aware, he hath fortie fhillings clapt into his hand, to affure the bargaine to fome one of them. He puts it vp quietly, and bids them inquire for him at fuch a figne and place, where he neuer came, fignifying alfo his name, when in troth he is but a co- foning companion, and no fuch man to be found. Thus goes he cleare awaie with fortie fhillings in his purfe for nothing, and they vnlike euer to fee him againe. There is a certain kind of cofonage called horfecourfmg, which is when a man goes to the Cariers of Cambridge, Oxford, Burie or Norwich, or anie great towne of trade, and hires a horfe to ride downe with them, as thefe odde companions will doe : and what doth me he, but as fooiie as he hath him, fteps afide into fome blind towne or other, and there lies till he haue eaten him out lim by lim in wine and capons, and then when he can get no more on him, he fends 14 haunting Conicatchers. fends the Carier word where he is ; who in the end is faine to pay fome fiftie fhillings or three pounds for his vi6luals that hired him ere he can haue him. Rochefter hackney- men do knowe what belongs to this trade, for they haue b^ene often times fleeced by thefe ranke riders, who com- ming to a towne with a cloke-bag of ftones caried after them, as if they were men of fome worth, hire a horfe to Canterburie, and ride quite away with him. There be certaine mates called Faunguefts, who if they can find a fit Anuill to ftrike on, will learne what acquain- tance he hath in the countrie, and then they will come to him, and fay, I am to doe commendations to you from a friend of yours, and he gaue me this bowed fixe pence to drinke a quart of wine with you for his fake : and if he goe to the tauerne, they will not onely make him paie for the wine, but for all he drinks in befides. So was one in Aldergate-flr^ete lately ferued, who drawne to the tauerne after fuch a like order called for a pinte of wine, the drawer brought it him, and a goblet with it, and fet them both on the table, and went his way: Whie, quoth this Fawnegueft, what a goblet hath the fel- low brought vs here, it wil not hold halfe a draught .-• So ho (quoth he) no attendance giuen here.? He carie it to him my felfe, fmce no body will come: for of all things I loue not to drinke in thefe squirting cups, fo downe the ftaires, forth of the doores he goes with the goblet vnder his cloake, and left his newe acquaintance and fmall remembrance to paie thr6e pound for a three-penie fhot. Such Fawneguefls were they, that meeting a prentife, who had beene to receiue a hundred pound for his mafter, fodainly in the middeft of Cheapfide in the dale time, and open market ftept to him, as if they had bin familiarly ac- quainted with him, and fodainly cafl the hinder fkirt of his cloake ouer his face, making as though they had iested with him, and feeming to thrufh their cold hands in his necke, one of them thratled him fo fore by the wind-pipe, that he could make no noife, but fodainly funke to the ground IS Greenes Ghoft ground muffled in his cloke, while the other took from him the bagge with the money which he had vnder his arme, which done, they ranne away laughing, as if that the deede were done in ieft. Soone after the market folks and people paffmg by to & fro perceiuing the youth lie ftill on the ground & not ftir vp, flepped to him, and feeing in what ftate he was, rubbed and chafed him, and gaue him Aqua vitse, fo that foone after he came againe to himfelf : then looking about him, & feeing the people fo gathered together, he cried vnto them, O, where's my money! They wondring to heare him talke of mony, told him both how his companions left him, and they found him, whereby the people knowing how he was deceiued, made after them, but they were neuer heard of till this day. But thefe are Gentlemen Batfowlers in comparifon of the common rablement of Cutpurfes and pickpockets, and no man that fees them but would imagine them to be Caualiers of verie good fort. Marie there be a band of more ndedy mates, called Termers, who trauell all the yeere from faire to faire, and haue great doing in Weftminfter hall. Thefe are the Nips and Foifts; whereof the firfl part of Conicatching entreateth, and thefe haue their cloyers and followers, which are verie troublefome to them, for they can no fooner draw a bung but thefe come in for their tenths, which they generally tearm fnapping, or fnappage. Now if the Cutpurfe denie fnappage, his cloyer or follower forthwith boyles him, that is, bewrayes him, or feazeth on his cloake, which the Nip dares not withftand, fo Richard Farrie a notable Lift of fixtie yeares of age was ferued, who beeing dogged or followed by a Cloyer called lohn Gibfon, who hauing f6ene him pierce a hogfhed in the beginning of a faire challenged him for fnappage: which old Farrie denied, becaufe Gibfons wife (as hee then faid) was a pickpocket, and yet would part with nothing. Then did Gibfon fweare that he fhuld not buy one peniworth of ware that day (which is the right cutpurfe phrafe of get- ting i6 haunting Conicatchers. ting a purchafe) and thereupon he fhadowed him vp and downe, and mard his market quite, as hee had before promifed. In reuenge whereof the faid Richard Farrie at Way- hill faire laft, hearing where Gibfon had purloined a purfe with thirteene nobles in it, fent a luftie fellow of his profeflion, a yoong dealer in the arte of cloying or follow- ing named lames Roades, that was fmce hanged at Dor- chefter, who being apparelled like a feruingman, came to demaund his miftreffe purfe of Gibfon, which he faid he faw him vnlawfully take awaie, as if indeed he had b^ene the Gentlewomans man that had the gl6eke. Which Gib- fon at the firft vtterly denied, but afterward being further threatned with danger of his life, yeelded the purchafe vn- to Roades, which was immediatelie ifhared betweene him and old Farrie. This thing foone after came to Gibfons eare, who was throughly laughed to fcorne for his labour. Manie there be of thefe wicked perfons, and alfo lewd Officers, who like fhadowes or cloyers, do nothing all day long but follow the Lifts vp and downe, pinching them for fnappage : and not one of them that hath the right dex- teritie in his fingers, but they know, & will conceale and patronize if neede require. Marie, if there be a nouice, that hath not made himfelfe knowne to their congregation, hde fliall foone be fmelt out, and haue no remiffion, vnleffe hee purchafe it by priuy pilferie. Thefe Cutpurfes of Sturbridge fell their luggage commonly at a towne called Botfham, where they k6epe their hall at an odde houfe, bowzing and quaffing, and haue their trulles attendant vpon them fo briflce as may be. How a Cheefemonger had his bag cut out of his Aprone hanging before him. T this faire it was, though long fmce, that the cheefe- monger had his pocket cut out ol^ his aprone, which C all 17 A Greenes Ghoft all the whole Colledge of Cutpurfes had affayed, which none but one could bring to paffe, and he indeed was a do6lor in his arte : for going to the Chdefemongers boothe to buy a chdefe, he gaue him monie for one of the greateft, and defired him to cut it in peeces, and put it behind him in the cape of his cloake. He did fo, and the whileft he was thrufting it in, hee cut his pocket with tweluc pounds out of his apron before him : for which deede he liueth re- nowmed in the Cutpurfe chronicles, and for his fake they yearely make a feaft, and drinke to the foule of his decea- fed carkaffe. There be diuers forts of Nips and Foyfts both of the citie and countrie : thefe cannot one abide the other, but are at deadly hatred, and will boyle and difcouer one another, by reafon one is hindrance to the other. And thefe the for- mer bookes haue omitted. There are alfo fundrie other Lawes, not heretofore fpoken of, namely lames Foflers Law, or lames Fofters Lift: which grewe thus. How a cofoning Lift ftole a cloake out of a Scriueners fhop. THis fellow came into a Scriueners fliop to haue a letter written to his wiues mother, fignifying that his wife was run awaie with another knauc, and had ca- ried awaie all that he had, and that he had rather be han- ged then be troubled anie longer with fuch a whore. But it muft n^eds be written in hafte, for his owne father doth carie it, and he goes awaie ftraight. All the while he is tel- ling his tale, he cafl a leering eye about the fhop, to fee if there were euer a cloake vpon a by-fettle, or anie other boo- tie that he might tranfport vnfeene vnder his owne cloak. By chance he efpied one, fo he leaned againft the wall where it lay, and with his hands behind him, he gathered it vp cleanly by little and little: then fodainly ftarting vp, faid. Yonder is my father that would carie it, and I will run after him to call him againe. So out of the doores ran he i8 haunting Conicatchers. he with all fpeed, hauing the cloake vnder his arme, cry- ing, Ho father, father, leauing the Scriuener yet writing his letter, who mift not his cloake till a great while after, that he faw him not returne againc. There is a cunninger kind of Lift, when a Batfowler walking in an cuening in the ftreetes, will faine he hath let fall a ring or a lewell, and come to a fhop well furni- fhed with wares, and defire the prentife of the houfe to lend his candle to looke it : he fufpefleth no guile, lends it him: and the Batfowler goes poaring vp and downe by the doores, as if he had lofb fomething in deed, by and by he lets the candle fal to and it goes out. Now I pray you good yong man, faith he, do fo much as light me this candle a- gaine : fo goes the fellow in to light the candle, while hee fteales what he will out of the fhop, and gets him going while the light commeth. There is a Lift called Will. St. Lift, whofe maner is to go vp and downe to Faires in a blew coate, fometimes in his doublet and hofe, and fometimes in a cloake, which commonly he puts off when he comes thither: this fellow waiteth diligently when any rich yeoman. Gentleman, or gentlewoman goes into an Inne to laie vp his cloak, capcafe, fauegard, Portmantua or any other luggage, fo following them, marks to whom they are deliuered: then comes he within halfe an houre after puffing and blow- ing for the cloake, capcafe, portmantua, fword, or fuch like, and in his maiflers name demandeth it, giuing the wife, maid, tapfter, hoftler, or fome of the houfe two pence or a groate for laying it vp. Which hauing receiued, he is foone gone, and neuer returneth. This fellow will fometime ftand bareheaded, and offer to hold a Gentlemans ftirop, and verie diligently attend vpon him when he alighteth at anie great Inne, and feemeth fo feruiceable, as if he were an hofller or chamberlaine belonging to the houfe: yea and fometimes follow him out of doores as his man, and attend vpon him to the Faire very orderly: within halfe an houre after, when he f(6es his new maifter is fo C 2 bu- 19 Greenes Ghofl bufic in the Faire, that he cannot haflily retunie to his lodging before him, he will come backe to the Inne run- ning, and tell them his Maifter hath fent him to them for his clokebag or Portmantua in all hafte: for he is vpon paiment of money, and muft n6eds haue it. They thinking him verilie to be the Gentlemans man, becaufe at his comming he was fo neceffarie about him, they deliuer vnto him whatfoeuer the Gentleman left with them, who notwithflanding when the true owner commeth, they are faine to anfwer it out of their owne purfes. A flie tricke of Cofonage lately done in Cheapefide. BEfides this, there is a kind of Lift called Chopchain, as when a Gentleman like a batfowl er hath hired a chain for a day or two vpon his credit, or hath fome of his friends bound for the reftoring of it againe, goes to S. Martines, and buyes for a little money another copper chaine, as like it as male be: then comes he to the Goldfmith, and vpon the right chaine offers to borrow twentie pounds: the Goldfmith toucheth it to fee if it be counterfeit or no: then finding it good, he tendereth him his money : which the whileft he is doing, and that both money and chaine lies yet vpon the ftall, what doth me he, but fumbles and plaies with the linkes carelelly, as if he minded another matter, fo by a fine tricke of Legerdemaine gathers it vp into his hand & chops the copper chaine in place, leaning him that pawne for his twentie pounds. How a man was cofoned in the euening by buying a guilt fpoone. "^ 7"% 7"Hileft I was writing this, I was giuen to vn- V V derfland of another like exploit nothing inferi- our to any of the former. A fellowe like a clowne that knew all points in his tables, and had beene maifter of his 20 haunting Conicatchers. his trade manie yeares together, walking through Sil- uer flreete in London fuddenly in the dark fpurned a faire gilt fpoone (as it feemed) being wrapt vp in a paper, which before he purpofely let fall : the people thinking fome other had loft it, and that it had beene his good luck aboue the reft to find it, gan to flocke about him for to looke on it, and ad- mired his fortune in meeting with it. He counterfeiting the fimple foole as well as he could: Now a Gods will what fhall I do with fuch a Gugav/? would fome other bo- die had found it for me, for I know not what it is good for. Why, faid one of the ftanders by, wilt thou take money for it? I, quoth he, I would I had a crov/ne for it. And I will come fomwhat neere you, faith the other, for thou fhalt haue all the money in my purfe, which is foure fhillings, fo forth he drewe his purfe, and gaue him the money. And verie well content with the bargain, he put it vp, and faid, I marie, this money will doe me more good then twentie fpoones, and let them k^epe fuch toies that lift, for I had rather haue one groat in my purfe then a cart loade of fuch trumperie. So away he went laughing in his fleeue, to thinke how he had cofoned him that thought to ouer- reach him : & he that was fo cofoned, as it were triumphing at his bargaine, could neuer looke enough on the fpoone,, but went prefently and caried it to the Goldfmith, to know what it was worth. Birlady fir v/hen he came thither, the fpoone was found to be but braffe faire gilded ouer, and worth but feuen pence at the moft, if he fliould fell it, which was a heauie cooling card to his heart, and made him fweare, that for that fpoones fake he would neuer be in his plate againe while he lined. Thus euerie dale they haue new inuentions for their villanies, and as often as fafhions alter, fo often do they alter their ftratagems, ftudying as much how to compaffe a poore mans purfe, as the Prince of Parma did to win a towne. Neither is this fpoonefelling the gainfulleft of their artes, although in one day they made away a dozen fo. I but it is a tricke by the waie for a fupper or a breake- C 3 faft 21 Greenes Ghoft fafl, which no man at the firft can defcrie. Ouerpafling this catalogue of Lifts and Cutpurfes, Gentlemen, I will acquaint you with a ftrange newe deuifed arte of ftone-carying, wherein is contained the right vfe of the chalke and the poafb, as alfo a neceffarle caueatc for vi- ctuallers and nickpots, how to bev/are of fuch infmua- ting companions. The Arte of carying flones. FIrft and foremofh you muft note, that leaning an Ale- wife in the lurch, is termed making her carie flones, which ftones be thofe great Oes in chalke that ftand be- hind the doore : the weight of euerie one of which is fo great that as manie fhillings as there be, fo many times fh6e cries O, as groning vnder the waight thereof. Now fir, of thefe Oes twentie fhillings make a iuft loade, and tenne pound a bargeful. But here lies the cunning, how to com- paffe an honeft Affe that will vndertake fuch a burthen: firft this is a generall precept amongft them, that he muft be fome odde drunken companion that they deale vpon, and his wife a good wench, that fo fhe may bee fallen in with, and wipe off her guefts fcores, if fo he haue no monie to difchargc it: a thing that manie women of that kind will willingly do to haue fport and faue their honeftie. Yet if this cannot conueniently be brought to paffe, or that in refpefl of her age fhe is not worth the taking vp, then will they be fure their goodman hoaft muft be a certaine kind of bawd, or a receiuer of cutpurfes, pickpockets, or fuch like, whereby it fo fals out, that if he and they fquare about crownes, they may flop his mouth with threatning to be- traie him to the Beadle of Bridewell, or telling Hind of Newgate what hofpitalitie he kdepes. Nay further, they will obferue if he at anie time raile againft anie feuere luftice that hath the punifhment of fuch notorious per- fons, and if he do (as in fome drunken humour or other he will ouerfhoote himfelfe in that kind) then will they con- ceale 22 haunting Conicatchers. ceale it, neuer difccoer it, but domindere ouer them, throv/e the pots againft the wall, for he and his houfe is forfeit vn- to them, Againe, it male fo happen that hofpcs mens male be an old feruingman, who hath belonged in his dales to fome famous recufant that hath long fmce broke vp houfe, and now being turned out of feruice, he hath no trade to Hue on, but muft marie a whore, and keepe vi6tualling ei- ther in Weftminfler, or in the fuburbs of London. Then cocke a hoope, they are better then euer they were. For if he be of the right ftampe he will be exclaiming againft the ftate, or thofe that keepe his maifler, or he will enter into commendations of the old Religion : and this is the onely thing they defire, they neuer wifh a finer fellow to feed on.. A Gods name let him fet forth his beefe and brewes, and trudge euerie day to the market to buy Capons & rabbets : for if they run neuer fo much in his debt, if they tell him of a purfeuant, he will neuer threaten the with a fergeant. A number more of thefe obferuations do appertaine to ftone carying, as namely at their firft comming to their lodg- ing they bee as free as an Emperour, and draw all the ac- quaintance that they can procure to fpend their money there before another place, fo that the hofl and hofleffc may conceiue great matter of hope of hauing their houfe cu- ftomed by their lying in it, and eate no meat but haue ei- ther the good man or the goodwife ftill with him at dinner or fupper, which will plucke the ftones on his fhoulders the fafler, if fo he fuffer his guefts to run on the fcore. And this in anie cafe they fet dov/n for a generall rule, that they He not aboue two moneths in one place, for longer the ale- fcore is not able to hold out, and the poore man ouerpreffed fo exceffiuely, in a malecontent humour will rather grow defperate, and not care for anie danger they can bring him to, then fuffer more then flefh and bloud can endure, or not rather haue his will on them for vfmg him fo badly. How fay you my maifters, you thinke there is no de- ceit in a pot of ale, and that there are no cofoners but Co- nicatchers, but that's not fo, for London is a lickpenie, and euerie 33 Greenes Ghoft euerle man hath not a mint in his pocket that liues in it, fome muft pra6life witcraft, that haue not the gift in kee- ping a lanes end with a fword and a buckler, or at the leaft are fo crazed with the Italian bone-ache, that they are a- fraid to bee crufht in peeces, if they fhould earne their li- uing in a crowde. But to be briefe, I will tell you a merie ftorie how this name of Stone-carying firft came vp, and thus it followeth. How a Carier of Norwich was made to carie ftones. A Gentlewoman that made a fhew as if fhe had beene of good credit, came to the carier of Nonvich, and told him fhee was to remoue houfhold, and went to dwell in the countrie, wherfore fhe craued his friendfhip in fafe tranf- porting of her things to Norwich : & fo it is (quoth fhe) that moft of my fubflance confifls in linnen, money, lewels, and plate, which I put altogether in a great cheft, which fhe brought thither: As for other trafli He neuer trouble my felfe with remouing. I pray you haue a great care to it that it bee fafely laid in the middeft of your cart, where thdeues maie not eafily come at it, and that it be kept from raine or wet in anie cafe, promifmg to content him for the cariage with more then ordinarie due. After it was f(6ene to come to three hundred weight, he laid it vp imme- diately in his carte, nor would fhe depart till fhe faw it fafe packed. About an houre after fhe came to the carier again, telling him that fhe was afraid fhe fhould be conflrained to haue recourfe to her cheft, by reafon fhe had a few tri- fles to buy ere fhe departed, and that fhe wanted fome fiue or fixe pound. The Carier loath to vnload for fo fmall a matter, bid her take no care for money, for what fhe nee- ded fhe fhould haue of him, till fhe came downe into the countrey. So fixe pounds he lent her: and downe with him fhe goes with her man as braue as might be. But com- ming to Windham, fhee gaue him the flip, and he fawe her 24 haunting Conicatchers. her no more : Home went the Carier, and laid vp the cheft verie fafe in his ftorehoufc, daily looking when the Gentle- woman would come for it After a moneth was paft, and hearing no words of her, fearing he was cofoned, he fent for the Conftable and fundrie other of his neighbours, and before them brake vp the cheft, finding nothing in it but fmall foft frdeftone lapped in ftraw, mixt with Flints and fuch like ftuffe, beeing very fpeciall things to giue the Ca- rier his loading. Alas, kind man, this was but heauie ti- dings for him : for befides the money that he had laid out of his purfe, he loft the cariage of other luggage, which would haue returned him greater profit. Yet could not this nor ten times as much vndoe him, but fetting light of it, in a merle humour he reported to fome of his friends the circumftance of all his cariage of ftones. And euer fince the left hath beene taken vp by odde companions and Ale-knights. I would bee loth by this my publiflit Difcouerie to corrupt the fimple, or teach them knauerie by my book, that els would haue beene honeft, if they had neuer feene them : for that were all one as if a Chirurgion that teacheth men what the plague is, that they might efchew it, fhould bring his patient that hath a plague fore, into the market place, and there lance it, whereby all men that looke on, in ft^ed of learning to auoid it, ftiould be moft dangeroufly infe6led with it. But my meaning in this is, but to chafe the game which others haue rowfed; and execute them outright which Conicatching only hath branded : and although I do not fpend manie leaues in inueighing againft the vices which I reckon vp, or time and paper in vrging their odi- oufnefle fo far as I might: yet you muft not thinke, but I hate them as deadly as any, and to make manifeft my ha- tred to them, haue vndertooke this Treatife. But imagine the Reader to be of this wifdome and difcretion, that hea- ring fome laid open, he can difcerne it to be finne, and can fo deteft it, though he be not cloid with a common place of exhortation. And footh to fay, I thinke euery man to bee of D my % Greenes Ghofl my mind, that when they fee a fellow leape from the fubie6t he is handling, to diffwade them by ftale arguments from the thing they alreadie deteft, they fhould fl and feeing his meffe altogether thus ftrongly taken away, began to gather courage to him, and looked out to fee what it was : where, to his no fmall contentment hee might be- hold the Curbar lying along almofl brained, almoft drow- ned, and well neere poifoned with the tragicall euent of the pifpot: whereat he laughed merily, and fufpe£ling his Leman to haue a Ihare in that confpiracy, and that for ten pounds it was her motion to haue him laie his clothes in the windowe, to the end he might haue loft them and his money, fhe being a fleepe in the bed all this while, he qui- etly remoued his owne apparell, took her gowne and peti- coat and laid them in the fteed. Forthwith the Curbar reui- ued, in came the hookc againe verie manerlie, and clapt hold on thofe parcels, which together went downe with a witneffe. All which conforting to his wifh, he went round to bed, and in the morning ftole awaie early, neither pay- ing dame Lecherie for her hire, nor leauing her one ragge to put on. Here was wilie beguily rightly acted, & an aged Ram- palion put befides her fchoole-trickes. But fimply, thefe Crofbiters arc neceffarie inftruments now and then to tame fuch wanton youths, as will not let a maid or a wife paffe a long the ftreetes but they will be m.edling with her : what they do they learne of the tumbler, who lies fquat in the brakes till the Conie be come forth out of her burrow, and gone a gofTiping ouer the way to her next neighbors, & then he goes between her and home, and as fhe returneth with two or three flefhly minded Rabbets or Simplers with them, with whom it male be fhe hath made a bargain to go a bucking, then out flies the tumbler like y^ crofbiter & feazeth on them all for his praie. I maruell that the book of Conicatching had not him vp in his table, fmce by his firft example he corrupted the Chriftian people. But you will fay, he is animal irratioiiale, and therefore to be borne withall, becaufe he doth but his kind. Kind me no kind, there is more knauerie in Cauilier Canis then you are a- ware of, as you fhall perceiue by his difcourfe following. D3 A m Greenes Ghoft A notable Scholerlike difcourfe vpon the nature of Dogges. NOw Gentlemen, will you glue me leaue to dallie a little for your further recreation, & I will proue vnto you that a dogge is a dangerous man, and not to be dealt withall : yea he is fuch a kind of creature that he may well be mafler and gouernour ouer all ordinary beafts : for firfl and formofl, there is no man of experience that will denie but dogs do excell in outward fence, for they will fmell bet- ter then we, and therby hunt the game when they fee it not. Befides, they get the fight of it better then we, and are wonderfull quicke of hearing. But let vs come to fpeech, which is either inward or outward. Now that they haue outward fpeech I make no queftion, although we cannot vnderftand them, for they bark as good old Saxon as may be; yea they haue it in more daintie maner tha we, for they haue one kind of voice in the chafe, and another when they are beaten, and another when they fight. That they haue the inward fpeech of mind, which is chiefly conuerfant in thofe things which agree with our nature, or are moft a- gainfb it, in knowing thofe things which ftand vs moft in Heed, & attaining thofe vertues which belong to our pro- per life, and are moft conuerfant in our affeflions, thus I proue : firft and formoft he choofeth thofe things that are comodious vnto him, and fhunneth the contrarie : He kno- weth what is good for his diet, and feeketh about for it. At the fight of a whip he runneth away like a theef from a hue and crie. Neither is he an idle fellow that Hues like a tren- cher Flie vpon the fweat of other mens browes, but hath naturallie a trade to get his liuing by, as namely the arte of hunting and Conicatching, which thefe late books go a- bout to difcredit. Yea, there be of them as of men of all oc- cupations, fome Cariers, and they will fetch; fome water- men, and they will diue and fwim when you bid them ; fome butchers, and they will kill flieepe; fome cookes, and they turne the fpit. Neither are they void of vertue; for if that be luflice 30 hauntinof Conicatchers. '£> luflice that giues euery one his deferts, out of doubt dogs are not deftitute of it : for they fawne vpon their famihar friends and acquaintance; they defend thofe from danger that haue deferued well of them, and reuengc them of ftrangers, and fuch as either haue, or go about to do them iniurie. Then if they haue luftice, they haue all the ver- tues, fmce this is an Axioma in Philofophy, that one ver- tue cannot be feparated from another. Further, we fee they are full of magnanimitie, in in- countring their enemies. They are wife, as Homer wit- neffeth, who entreating of the returne of Vlyffes to his owne houfe, affirmeth that all his houfhold had forgotten him but his dogge Argus, and him neither could Pallas by her fubtill arte deceiue in the alteration of his body, nor his twentie yeares abfence in his beggers weeds delude a- nie whit, but he flil retained his forme in his fantafie, which as it appeared was better then any mans of that time. According to Chryfippus, they are not ignorant of that excellent facultie of Logicke, for he faith that a dogge by canuafmg and fludy doth obtaine the knowledge to diflin- guifli betweene three feuerall things, as for example, where three waies meete, and of thefe three hath fbaid at two of them, by which he perceiueth the game hath not gone, pre- fently without more adoe hee runneth violently on the third waie: which doth argue (faith Chryfippus) as if hee fhould reafon thus. Either hee went this way, or that way, or yonder waie: but neither that waie, nor yonder waie, therefore this way. Againe, when they are ficke, they knowe what difeafe they haue, and deuife howe they may eafe themfelues of their griefe; if one flrike them in- to the flefh with a ftake, this policy they vfe to get it out. They traile one of their feet vpo the ground, and gnaweth the flefli where the wound is round about with their t^eth, vntill they haue drawne it cleane out. If they chaunce to haue anie vlcer, becaufe vlcers kept foule are hardlie cu- red, they licke the fore with their tongues, and keepe it cleane. And wonderful 1 well doe they obferue the pre- cept Greenes Ghoft ■cept of Hippocrates that the onelie medicine for the foote is to reft, for if they haue anie hurt in their feete, they beare them vp, and as much as lies in them, take care they be not ftirred: when vnprofitable humours trouble them, they eate an hearbe, whereby they vomite vp all that is ofifen- fiue vnto them, and fo recouers their health againe. How thinke you my mafters, are thefe vnreafonable creatures, that haue all this naturall reafon in them? No, though they are beafts, yet are they not as other are, inhumane : for they haue more humanitie then any other beafts what- foeuer. But of them I have faid enough, & therfore I will proceede to my former argument : wherein for your better delight, I will acquaint you with a true ftorie latelie per- formed in Poules Church by a couple of Cutpurfes. The matter was of fuch truth, as I could for neede fet downe the Gentlemans name, and alfo the names of all the a- ^ors therein, but I craue pardon, becaufe the Gentleman was of good place and credit, and for more affu ranee my felfe was prefent : the whole matter fell out as followeth. How a Countrie Gentleman walking in Poules had his purfe cut by a new kind of conueyance, and in the end by the like wilie beguily got it againe. A Countrie Gentleman of fome credite walking in Powles, as tearmers are wont that wait on their law- yers, was feene by a couple of light fingred companions, that had got fome gentlemanfhip vpon them by priuie bi- ting in y^ dark, to have fome ftore of crownes in his purfe coacht in a faire trunke flop, like a boulting hutch, Alas, they were mortall, and could not choofe but bee tempted with fo glorious an obie6l. For what male not gold doe with him that hath neither money nor credit ? Wherefore in verie zeale of a bad fpirit, they confpired how to make a breach in his pocket, and poffeffe themfelues of their pray. In the end it was concluded (as neceflltie is neuer with- out 32 haunting Conicatchers. out ftratagems) that the one fliould go behind him, while the other gaue the ftroke that fhould deuide hfe and foule. As they determined, fo they brought it to paffe, for the good old fellow walking verie foberly in one of the fide lies, deui- fmg where to dine to faue the odde thr^e pence, fodain- ly one of them ftept behind him and clapt his hands be- fore his eyes, faying : Who am I ? Who am I ? while the other gaue the purfe the gentle ierke, and beguiled his purfe of the gilt : which done, hee went fneaking awaie like a dog that had wearied a shdep. The good minded Gen- tlema that was thus muffled, thinking that it had bin one of his acquaintance, that plaid bo peepe with him after that fort, cried to him, Now for the paffion of God, who are you? who are you? Tell me I praie you who are you? For I fhall neuer reckon while I Hue. O, quoth the Cauallero Cutpurfe, you fhall know by and by, and therewith pluc- king awaie his hands, looked him full in the face & laugh- ed, but by and by ftarting afide, as if he had committed an errour, God forgiue me (quoth he) what haue I done, I crie you hartily mercie, I haue miftaken you for my ac- quaintance, one that is fo like you, as one peaze is like a- nother : and therefore I pray you pardon me. No harme done, no harme done, quoth the Gentleman, and fo they departed. Sinior who was to deuide his bootie where his companion attended him, and my neighbour Mumpfimus to tyrannize on Buls pudding-pies for his fixe pence : fhort tale to make, his hungrie bodie being refreflied, and eue- rie one fatiffied, there entred in a dumbe fhewe, the recko- ning with a cleane trencher in his hand verie orderly, as who fhould fay, Lay your hand on the booke. On him at- tended a well fed Tapfter in a Ihining fute of well liquo- red fuftian, wheron was engrauen the triumphs of many full platter, with his apron on his fhoulder, and his knife vnder his girdle. At which fight euery man began to draw, and my honeft penifather thought to droppe tefters with the reft : but woe alas, his breeches were like the bottom- lefle pit of hell, for there was not one croffe to be found. E Then 33 Greenes Ghoft Then began he to fume and chafe, and run vp and downe like a mad man, faying. Well a day yt cuer I was borne Who am I ? who am I ? Whereat the reft of the Gentle- men wondring, he vp and told them the whole ftorie of his miffortune, as is afore recited. And faid, now I know who it was that faid. Who am I ? who am I ? for in troth he was a cutpurfe. But here did he not ceafe or fpend much time in fmging a De proftindis ouer his emptie pocket, where was nought els faue Lent and defolation, but iumbled his braines together like ftones in a bladder, and toft ouer his thoughts as a Tailer doth his fhreds when he hath loft his needle, to find out fome meanes to fetch home his ftraied purfe, and to be euen with thofe vndermining Pioners. In the end his pillow and prefent pouertie put this poli- cie into his head. The next day early in the morning he went into Poules in the fame apparell, and walking iuft in the fame place where he loft the maine chance the day be- fore, hauing bought him a faire new purfe with white firings and great taffels, and filled the fame with braffe counters, and thruft it into the flop of his hofe, as he was wont, letting the ftrings thereof hang out for a traine. Well, fo it fell out, that he had fcarce fetcht three turnes, but a poore woman that had the fhaking ague in her head came to afke his charitie : he glad of anie occafion to boafl his counterfeit wealth, to entrap the eyes of thofe hungrie efpials, gaue her a penie, and therewith drew forth a num- ber of counters, making fhew as if they had beene French crownes : which was prefently perceiued by Timothy touch and take, that had beene in the aflion the day before, who fit- ting vnder a piller, leaning like one twixt fleeping and wa- king, fell into a great longing, how he might haue that purfe alfo to beare the other companie. Still the olde Snudge went plodding in one path, and euer looked vnder his ouerhanged moffie eye-browes, to fde who came neere him, or once offer to iuftle him. He had befide at either end of the He on of his men to watch, for feare any more, Who am I } fhuld come behind him. At lafl out fteps my nimble knaue, 34 haunting Conicatchers. knaue, and running haftily by him Hke fome prentife, that had beene fent of an errand, he lliced it fmoothly away, fo as the gentleman neuer perceiued it. But one of his men who had his fenfes both of feeing and feehng better then his mafter, marked when he gaue him the gentle gleeke, and whither he went when hee had obtained his bootie : whereupon dogging him to a Cookes flioppe in Thames ftreet ; to which place alfo the Gentlema followed aloofe off. He there laid hands on him, and challenged him for a Cut- purfe, faying, he had feene him doe fuch a thing in Poules, and told him alfo from whom he tooke it. He fwore and fla- red, and flood at vtter defiance Avith him. And the better to outface the matter, his partner, who being then lodged in the fame houfe, came downe and fell in tearmes of doing the Gentleman wrong, and that he fhould anfwer him, or any man els. And (quoth he) if thou wert well ferued thou fhouldeft be ftabd for offering to difcredit him thus at his lodging, Meane while that thefe matters were thus dif- puting, and the poore feruingmans death with manie oathes vowed, in came his mafter, who fpying. Who am I .'' to fland vpon his pantofles fo proudly, flraight tooke him afide, and told him a tale in his eare, that did him fmall good at the heart, and faid flatly hee was the man, and no other whom he fought for, and either he would haue re- ftitution for his purfe at his hands, or they would trie a conclufion at Tybornc, At which fpeech their courage was fomewhat abated : and in the end it fo fell out, to a- uoid further trouble they reftored him both the purfes -with quietnes, and made him a fufificient recompence for the trefpaffe. Thus at that time they efcaped, and all parties were pleafed : but fliortly after they were taken for fuch an other fa6l, for which they were both condemned and execu- ted at Tyborne. Now Gentlemen, haue you not heard a pretie pranke of Wilie beguily, where the cunning Cutpurfe was pin- ched in his owne pra6tife ,'' fure I thinke neuer was poore Nip fo nipt before. Wherefore I wifli all thofe that are of E 2 that 35 Greenes Ghofl that facultie to be carefull of the right Nip, \vho if he bee neuer fo cunning in his arte, yet at one time or other hee maie hap to meete with Bui, and his fturdie lade, on whom if he chance to ride with his necke fnarled in an hempen halter, he is like to receiue fo fliarpe a nip, that it will for euermore marre his drinking place. A notable exploit performed by a Lift. ^T^Here was not long fince one of our former profeffi- -*• on, hauing intelligence of a Citizen that inuited three or foure of his friends to dinner, came a little before din- ner time, and marked when the gueftes were all come : when they were all come, as he thought, knowing the good- man of the houfe fafe (for he was not yet come from the ex- change) fteps vp the fhaires boldly, and comes into the roome where the guefts were : when he comes in he falutes them, and afkes if his cofen \vere not yet come from the Exchange. They told him no. No (faith he) me thinks he is verie long, it is paft twelue of the clocke. Then after a turne or two. In faith Gentlemen (quoth my new come gueft) it were good to doe fomething whereat we may bee merie againft my cofen comes home, and to that intent I will take this Salt and hide it, that when hee miffeth it, we fhall fee what he will fay to my cofen his wife : fo hee tooke the Salt, and put it in his pocket, and walked a turne or two more about the roome, within a while when ye other guefts were bufie in talk, he fteps dovme the ftaires faining to make water ; but when he was downe, he tur- ned downe Theeues allie, and neuer returned againe. The Citizen when he came home bid his friends welcome, and anon he mift the Salt that fhould be fet on the table, called his wife to know if there were neuer a Salt in the houfe : His wife bufie about dinner, tooke her huft)and vp, as women at fuch times will do, when they are a little trou- bled (for a little thing troubles them God wot) and afked him if he had no eyes in his head. No, nor you wife (quoth he) 36 hauntinof Conicatchers. '£> hee) if you fay there be any now : So there paft many fhrewd and hot words betweene them. At length the guefts vnwilling they fhould difagree on fo fmall a trifle, they vp and told how one came in and afked for his cofen, and tooke away the Salt, meaning to make a little mirth at dinner. But when they faw he returned no more, they contented themfelues with patience, and went to dinner, as men at fuch times vfe to do, with heauy hearts and cold ftomackes. *' i ^Here are a certaine band of Raggamuffin Prentifes -^ about the towne, that will abufe anie vpon the fmal- lefl occafion that is, and fuch men (whom they neuer came to the credit in all their Hues to make cleane their fhooes) thefe dare neuer mdete a man in the face to auouch their rogarie, but forfooth they muft haue the help of fome other their complices. Of this bafe fort you fhall common- ly find them at Playhoufes on holy dayes, and there they will be playing their parts, or at fome rout, as the pulling downe of Baudle houfes, or at fome good exploit or other, fo that if you need helpe, or you thinke your felfe not able to make your part good with anie that you owe a grudge to, no more but repaire to one of thefe, and for a canne of Ale they will do as much as another for a crowne : & thefe make no more confcience to beat or lame one, whom they neuer before faw nor knew, then the knights of the poafls when they are feed out of Poules to fweare falfly. There are another fort of Prentifes, that when they fee a Gentlewoman or a countriman minded to buy anie thing, they will fawne vpon them with their cap in hand, with what lacke you Gentlewoman.? what lacke you Countriman ? See what you lacke. The Gentlewoman perufing diuers commodities, findeth nothing that per- haps likes her : then going away, they come off with their ouerworne frumps. Will you buy nothing Gentlewo- man ? Its no maruell you fliould fee fuch choice of good ware. Then they begin to difcommend her perfon to their E 3 next 37 Greenes Ghoft next neighbors, as good as themfelues, and at next word, Send a fine dogge after her. Thefe maie bee likened to currifh Spaniels, that when a man comes into the houfe will fawne vpon him, but before he goes forth, if hee take not heed, will catch him by the fninnes. But if they meete with a countrie-man, he is the fittefh man in the world to deale vpon. They will aike him iufh twife fo much as the ware is worth. The plaine fimple man offers within a verle little of his price, as they vfe in the countrie : which the Apprentife takes, and fweares it was not his for that money, and fo makes the poore man a right Conie. I think few in the Exchange will account this for a Conicatching tricke. But if the countriman leaues them and goes his waie without buying anie thing, either for that hee likes not the ware, or that it is of too high a price : then will they come off with. Do you hearc Countriman, will you glue me thus much, and leaue your blew coate for a pawn for the reft .'' or they will bid him fell his fword and buy a paire of fhooes .-* or fuch like fcoffing girds, that the poore man fometimes could find in his heart to giue all the mo- ney in his purfe, that he had them in Finfburie fields, that hee might reuenge himfelfe on them for abufing him : a verie great abufe to their maifters and chapmen. To this focietie maie be coupled alfo another fraternity, viz. Water-rats, Watermen I meane, that will be rea- die & very diligent for anie man, vntil they can get them to their boates, but when they come to land to paie their fare, if you paie them not to their owne contentments, you fhall be fure of fome gird or other, yea and perhaps if they know they haue an Affe to deale with, ftop his hat or his cloake, till he haue paid them what they lift ; but thefe are moft commonlie feruants and apprentifes : for the or- der is, that for euerie twelue pence they earne their mai- fter allowes them two pence, fo then the more they get, whether by hook or crooke, the more think they their gaine comes in. But this fort now and then meete with their mates, who in fteed of a penie more in filuer, fend them to the hauntlne Conicatchers. '£> the Chirurgians with two penie worth of forrow. But what need I to fpend time in deciphering thefe com- mon companions? Thefe few I haue particularly named, but thinke you there are no more of this kind ? But I let paffe Carmen and Dreymen, as verie knaues as the reft, becaufe thefe are better knowne then I can fet them forth : I meane not at this time, nor in this Treatife to fet forth the guiles and deceits accuftomed in all trades and my- fleries from the chiefeft trade to the bafeft, but will con- tent my felfe for this time, with that that hath beene alrea- die dilated, intending in fome other Treatife, at one time or other to relate in briefe what hath beene at large too long put in pra6life. In the meane time curteous Citizens, let me exhort you to become good exaples to your family : for as the ma- fter is, so commonly is the feruant, as witnes the old ver- fes in the Sheppards Calender in September. Sike as the Sheppards, fike beene her Iheepe. And be fure, if thy feruant fee thee giuen to fpending, and vnchaft liuing, there looke thy feruant, when thou thinkefl he is about thy bufmeffe, not onely fpends his time vainly, but that money, which by thy care in flaying at home thou mighteffc haue faued. Such iollie fhauers, that are deepe flafhers of others, mens hides, haue I knowne (more is the pitie) to fit vp all night, fome at Cardes and Dice, fome quaffing and fwilling at the Tauerne, and other a- mong their trulles, fpending in one night fome twentie fhillings, and thirtie fhillings often: fome againe that can maintaine to themfelues a wench all the yeare, and then they mufl filch and purloine whole peeces of flufife for their gownes and peticoats, befides great ftore of mony : But thefe are fuch that can with a wet finger, and by rea- fon of abundance of ware purloine their maifters goods, & not eafily be efpied. But be fure at one time or other fuch villains wil come forth : for the pot goes fo oft to the water, that at laft it comes home crackt. And take this for a principle 39 Greenes Ghoft principle and general rule, that whofoeuer he be that glues himfelfe to this damnable finne of luft, let him be affured, as fure as he had it alreadie, that a great punifhment han- geth ouer his head. Therefore it behooues the maifter to be wife in gouerning his feruants, that they may bee as markes for their feruants to fhoote at, to fee how their fer- uants bee addifled and giuen, and not to be fterne and fe- uere towards them, but rather keepe them in, that they wander not abroad more then neceflitie forceth, reniem- bring that rule that Ouid giueth, Pane pier Jl'umdis q}^ fortius vtere lor is. Spare the whip, rainc them hard : for fuch as are growne to yeares will hardly endure blowes, wherefore the rai- ning them from their defires is the next way in my mind to bring them to good. But here is the griefe that thofe that fliould giue light are darke; thofe that fliould be guides haue nded to be lead; thofe that fhould inftruft to fobrietie, are inducers to vani- tie, according to thofe verfes in Male, Thofe faitors littell regarden their charge, While they letting their fheep ninne at large, Pafien their time that fhould be fparely fpent, In luflinefTe and wanton meriment. Thilke fame be Sheppards for the diuels fleed, That playen, &c. Againe, what confcience they vfe in bargaining and fel- ling, witneffc the whole world, according to Diggon in Septemb. They fetten to fale their fhops of fhame. And maken a market of their good name. The fheppards there robben one another, And layen baites to beguilde her brother. And 40 haunting Conicatchers. And againe, Or they bine falfe or full of couetife, And caflen to compaffe many wrong emprife. In fine, to conclude with that which we haue fo long ftood vpon, namely with vncleanneffe, how hard it is for men to bee reclaimed from it : and as it is pernicious to all generally, fo particularly to young men that haue newlie fet vp for themfelues, and haue as it were new- ly entred into the world, foone maie they caffc awaie them felues, except they looke the better about them : but mofl odious for fuch that haue wiues, with whom they may fo- lace themfelues. Pitie it is that fuch cannot be noted a- boue the reft, it fhewes an inordinate luft. And nowe it comes in my mind, I will impart with a tricke ferued vpon a maried man, and a tradefman by a good wench, as they call them, reported and heard from her owne mouth not long fince. The parties names I will conceale, be- caufe fome of them are of fome credite, although fome- what blemifhed by this fkarre : and it was on this maner. How a Citizen was ferued by a Curtizan. nr^Here was one Mounfieur Libidinofo dwelling at the -■- figne of Incontinencie, hauing cafl vp his accounts for the weeke paft (for it was Saturday night) after fup- per refolued with himfelfe to walke, which way he cared not, but as his ftaffe fell, fo would he wend : by chance it fell Weflward, and Weflward he went, vntill he came to Whitefriers. When he came thither he bethought him- felfe, and held it a dded of charitie to fde fome of his old ac- quaintance, whom hee had not vifited a long time before : But they according to the ancient cuftome were remo- ued, for they vfe not to ftay long in a place. He hearing that, made no more ado but fel aboord with one that came next to hand, as good as the beft, one that had bdene tried, and fuch a one as would not fhrinke at a fhower : little F in- Greenes Ghofl intreatie ferues, and vp they goe. When after their beaftly fport and pleafure Mounfieur Libid. heat of luft was fomewhat affwaged, and ready to goe, feeling his pocket for a venereall remuneration finds nothing but a Tefler, or at leaft fo little, that it was not fufficient to pleafe dame Pleafure for her hire. He protefted and vow- ed he had no more about him now : for (faid he) when I came forth I neur thought what money I had about me. My Ladie would not beleeue Monf. Libid. a great while, but fearched and feeled for more coine, but at that time fhe was fruflrate of her expe6lation : flie feeing no reme- die, fet as good a countenance on the matter as Ihe could, and told him fhe would be contented for that time, hoping hee would bee more beneficiall to her hereafter. They were both contented : where no fooner hee is gone downe the ftaires, but fhee whips off her gowne, and puts on a white waftcoate with a trice, and fo dogs M. Libidinof. home to his houfe, and taking a perfect view of his houfe and figne, returnes back againe. On Monday morning fhe came to his houfe verie orderly in her gown with her handbafket in her hand, where fhe found Monf. Libid. and his wife in the fhop : when fhe came in flie cal- led for this fort and that fort of lace, vntill flie had called for as much ware as came to twentie fhillings : when fhe was ready to goe, flie whifpered my Gentleman in the eare, and afked him. If he be remembred how fleight- ly fuch a time he rewarded her kindneffe, but now I am fatiffied for this time. M. Libid. was in a wonderful! ftreight, and gaue her not a word for an anfwer, fearing his wife fhould knowe anie thing. His wife noting her whifpering in her hufbands eare, and feeing no mony paid, afked her hufband when fhe was gone, who fhe was. Hee verie fmoothly told her, fhee was a very honeft cutters wife, and that hee knew her a long time to bee a good paymaifter. This anfwer contented his wife : but ful well I know he was not cotented in his mind al the day after. S6e 42 haunting Conicatchers. S6e here how a man may bee vnawares ouertaken by thefe filthie Pitchbarrels. Then let this example teach thee to forgoe their allurements, leaft thou in time be de- filed with the like blot, or ouerplunged in a deeper bog : Remember, jFa/ix quifacit aliena pericula caiituin. For thefe night birdes not vnlike the Syrens, the more you frequent them, the more you fliall be intangled, accor- ding to thefe verfes, Diggon in Sept. For they beene like foule wagmoires ouergrafl, That if thy gallage once flicketh faft, The more to wind it out thou doefl fwincke, Thou mought ay deeper and deeper fincke. Yet better leaue of with littell loffe, Then by much Avreflling to leefe the groffe. Thefe may be motiues to all to auoide fuch infectious plague-fores: but how hard it is to get vp a tyred iade when he is downe, efpecially in the dirt euery man knowes, and men wil haue their fwinge do all what they can, according to Thcnot in February. Mufl not the world wend in his common courfe, From good to bad; and from bad to worfe; From woife vnto that is worfl of all. And then returne to his former fall. But for my part I am refolued and wifh all men of the like mind flicking my ftaffe by Peirfe in Maie. Sheppard, I lift no accordance make With fheppard that does the right way foifake, And of the twaine if choife were to me Had leuer my foe then my friend to be. F 2 The 43 Greenes Ghoft THE NOTABLE, SLIE, and deceitfull pranks of Do6lor Pinchbacke. Notable fellow of this trade well Uric- ken in yeares, one that was fr^e of the Nitmongers, trauelled with his boy in- to Yorkefhire. And hauing no mony in his purfe, nor other meanes to relieue himfelfe but plaine fliifting, grewe into vtter defpaire of his eftate, by reafon hee had worne all cofonages thrced bare, and made the vttermoft of his wit that was poflible. Wherefore complaining himfelf to his truflie page, that had beene patner with him both in weale and woe, and whom hee had brought vp in his occupation, and taught to be as fubtill as himfelfe: but Maifter (quoth he) take no care, for when all is gone and nothing left, well fare the Dagger with the dudge- on haft. I am young and haue crochets in my head: I warrant you, while I haue my fiue fenfes we will not begge. Goe you and take vp your lodging in the faireft Inne in the towne, and call in luflily, fparing for no coft, and let me alone to pay for all. With this refolution they went into York citie, where feeing a verie faire Tauern, readie to outface the, according to the boyes aduife, they put into it, & called for a roome, and none might content them but the bed chamber in the houfe. Then lacke of the clocke houfe fummoned the Chamberlaine before him. 44 hauntino- Conicatchers. 't> him, and tookc an inuentorie what extraordinarie proui- fion of vi6luals they had for dinner, telHng them his maifter was no common man, nor would he be plea- fed with anie groffe kind of fare. The Tapfter, who hoping of gaine, feemed verie feruiceable, and told him he fhould want nothing. And although they had at that time fundrie ftrangers, by reafon the chiefe luftics of the fhire fate there the fame day about a Commiffion, yet promifed to giue what attendance he might. Thus did the Crack-rope triumph, and walking in the yard while dinner was preparing, hamered in his head, & call an eye about the houfe to fee if anie occafion were offe- red for him to worke vpon. At laft going vp a paire of flayres, hee fpied in a faire great Chamber where the Commiffioners fate, a fide fettle, whereon good flore of plate flood. Yea, thought he? and it fhall go hard but He make vp my market. So into the chamber clofely hee flept, not beeing perceiued by any man, couertly con- ueyed away vnder his cloake one of the greatefl gilt goblets, and went immediately on the backfide of the houfe, where fpying an old well, hee flung the fame, and went his way vp to his mafter, to whom hee difcouered what he had done, intreating him the better to furnifli out the Pageant, to change his name, and call himfelfe Do£lor Pinchbacke. This done, he went downe into the kitchin to fee if dinner were readie: where the goodman of the houfe began to queftion Vv^ith him what his Maifter was, and who they called him. Sir, quoth he, Do6lor Pinchbacke. What, is he a Do6lor of Phyficke quoth the hofl.? Yea marie, quoth the boy, and a fpeciall good one. With that anfwer he ceafed queftioning any further, but fent vp meat to his dinner, and went vp himfelfe to bid him welcome. Dinner being done and the other guefls ready to rife, the Goblet fodainly was miffed, and great inquiry F 3 made 45 Greenes Ghoft made for it, but at no hand it would be found: all the feruaunts were examined, the houfe was thoroughlie fearched, none of the Gentlemen had it. This newe found Do6lor fware hee fawe it not, the boy denied it alfo, yet flill the goodman and the good wife kept a great ftirre for it, and were readie to weepe for ve- rie anger that they fhould keep fuch knaues about them as had no more care, but retchlefly let a cuppe of nine pounds bee ftollen, and no man knew which waie. Then the hoft made great offers to haue it againe, which the boy hearing, faid, if they could entreate his Maifler to take the paines, he could caft a figure, and fetch it againe with heaue and ho. But not a word (quoth he) that I told you fo. The good man hearing that, ranne vp in all haft, and befought Maifler Do6lor for the paffion of God to ftand his friend, or els he was vndone. So it is, quoth he, that I vnderfland of your great learning and knowledge, and that by a fpeciall gift in Aftronomie that God hath giuen, you can tell of maruellous matters, and helpe againe to things that are loft. I praie you as euer you came of a woman fhewe mee a little feate about my cuppe: and though I haue but fmall flore of mo- ney, yet will I beftowe fortie fhillings on you for your labour. Maifter Do6tor at the firft made ftrange of the matter, and feemed verie loth to deale in it, by reafon of the daunger of the lawe: yet for that he (6e- med to bee an honeft man, and it grieued him that anie fuch thing fhould happen whileft hee was in his houfe, hee would ftraine a little with his cunning to rel6eue him in the beft forte, not fo much for his mo- ney as for his friendfhip, and fwore hee would not doe it for any other for a hundred pounds, therefore hee defi- red him to leaue him to himfelfe, and to take order that no man came to trouble him for fome two houres fpace, and he fhould fee what he would do for him. Two 46 haunting Conicatchers. Two houres hee ftayed alone by himfelfe tofting him by a good fire till he fweat againe, then painting his face with a deadifli colour, which hee caried al- waies about with him for fuch a purpofe, and then calling vp the hofte, told him that hee had laboured fore for him, and almoft indaungered himfelfe in vn- dertaking the a6lion, yet by good fortune hee had fi- niflied his bufmeffe, and found where the cuppe was. Haue you not a well (quoth hee) on the backe fide of your houfe that ftands thus, and thus, for mine owne part I was neuer there (that I can tell of) to fee. Yes that I haue, fayd the Hofle. Well (faid Maifter Do- 6lor) in the bottome of that well is your cuppe: where- fore goe fearch prefently, and you fhall finde my words true. The goodman with all expedition did as hee willed him, and drew the well drier at laft hee fpied his Goblet where it lay. It was no neede to bid him take it vp, for in his owne perfon hee went downe in the bucket: and full lightly to Maifter Do6lour Pinch- packes chamber hee trudged, and caried him fortie fhil- lings, offering him befides a moneths boord in requitall of his great curtefie. This counterfeit forfooth would feeme to refufe nothing, but there lay and fed vpon the ftocke, whileft my goodman hofte did nothing but fill the countrie with his praife. Not manie dales paffed but a Gentleman of good credite drawne thither by the ordinarie report, came to vifit him, who defirous to make triall of his cunning, he craued to knowe of him (his wife then beeing big with child) whether it was a man childe or a woman childe fhe went withall.'' Hee anfwered he could fay lit- tle thereto except he faw her naked. The Gentleman although hee thought it was no vfuall thing for a man to fee a woman naked, yet Phyfitions haue more priuiledge then others, and they 47 Greenes Ghoft they as well as Midwiues are admitted to any fecrets. Wherefore he perfwaded his wife to difclofe her felfe to him, and to difpence with a little inconuenience, fo they may be refolued of fo rare a fecret. But this was Do6lor Pinchbackes drift, hee thought to haue Ihifted the Gentleman off by this cxtraordinarie impofition, thinking he would rather haue furceafed his fute, then anie waie haue fuffered him to fee his wife naked. In conclufion a chamber was prepared warme and clofe, in which fhe fhewed her felfe, & twife walked vp and down the chamber naked in the prefence of M. Do6lor and her hufband, who demanded M. Do6lors anfwer to his for- mer queftion, which was as followeth: Quoth he, from meward it is a boy, and to me ward it is a girle: other anfwer they could get none of him. Wherefore the Gen- tleman was greatly offended againft him, calling him Affe, Dolt, Patch, Cockefcombe, Knaue, and all the bafe names he could deuife. But awaie went maifter Do6lor as IkilfuU in thofe cafes as a blind man when he throweth his flaffe: and durft not anfwer the Gentle- man one word. And the Gentleman greatly repen- ted him that he had been fo foolifh to fhew his wife in that fort before fo fottifh a companion. About foure dayes after the Gentlewoman fell in la- bour, and was deliuered of a boy and a girle: where- at the Gentleman remembring the blunt anfwer of the Do6lor, and finding it to be true, was greatly afto- nifhed, fuppofing indeed hee had mightily wronged the Do6lor: to whom he went immediately craning par- don for his former follie, fhewing himfelfe verie forow- full for his fault, and offered him in recompence of a- mends all the fauour he might poffibly doe him, gran- ting to him his houfe at commandement, and his boord for fo long time as he would continue with him. Wher- upon in figne of loue and amitie he went and foiour- ned at the Gentlemans houfe: Whereupon the Do6lors cre- # haunting Conicatchers. credit ftill more and more began to increafe, fo that all the countrie round about told no fmall tales of the great cunning of Doctor Pinchbacke, to whom they reforted early and late. It fortuned foone after there was a Faire neere to the Gentlemans houfe, where the people diuerfly tal- ked of the Do6lors fkill and cunning, and that he could doe anie thing, or tell anie thing that was done in anie place. Naie (quoth a plaine Countriman) I will ven- ture twentie Nobles that hee fhall not doe it. I will my felfe goe perfonally to him, and hold fomething in my hand, and if hee tell me what it is I will lofe my money. I take you, fayd one or two, and the wager be- ing layd, awaie they went towards the Gentlemans houfe: and paffing thorough a meadow, the man tooke vp a Grafhopper out of the graffe, and put it into his hand, fo clofe that no man might perceiue it. Then for- ward they went, and met with Maifler Do6lor, and they defired him to fatiffie them of that fecret which was vpon his credite, to tell them what one of the com- panie held in his hand. Whereunto the Do6lor was loth to anfwer, confidering he had no fuch Ikill as peo- ple bruted abroade: neuertheleffe he caft in his mind, how he might excufe the matter by fome pretie fleight, if he fhould gueffe amiffe, and therfore concluded in this ieft, he called to mind that his owne name was Gra- fhopper, and if (quoth he) I take him by the hand, I may say hee hath a grafhopper in his hand, and yet I may iuflly defend it for a truth. Whereupon the Do6lor ta- king him by the hand, faid he had a Grafhopper in his hand: which b^eing opened was found true. Whereat the Cuntrimen wondred, and went their wayes. Some faid hee was but a cofoning knaue: others reported what wonders hee could performe: Some faid he could G goe 49 Greenes Ghoft goe round about the world in a moment, and that he walked euerie night in the aire with fpirites : fome faid hee had a familiar: thus the people gaue their cen- fure; fome liking, and others mifliking him. And in a word, fo manie men, fo manie mindes, but the grea- ter part of the countrey admired his deepe knowledge, and publifhed his excellent learninge, fo that he became famous amongft the people, and the Gentleman not a little proud of fo worthy a gueft: in fo much that ha- uing one onely daughter, whom he loued moft entier- lie, and as parents moft defire their children fhould match themfelues with fuch, by whom they hope pre- ferment fhould come, on a dale brake his minde to the Do6lour in his daughters behalfe, affuring him hee fhould not onely finde her a louing and dutifull wife, but would glue him foure hundred pounds, and make him affurance of all his land, which was worth (fayd hee) better then two hundred markes a yeare after his deceafe, if fo it would pleafe his worfhip to accept his kind offer, which hee affured him proceeded of meere loue. The Do6lour a while coylie refufed the Gen- tlemans offer, but b^eing earneftly entreated of the Gentleman, he anfwered him to this effect. Sir, for your great friendfhip hitherto and vnex- pe6led kindneffe, at this time I cannot but confeffe my felfe much indebted to you: and becaufe you are fo importunate with me to marie your daughter (al- though I proteft it is not for my profite) I doe willing- ly take her to my wife: for I haue (faith hee) refufed many faire and perfonable Gentlewomen in mine owne countrey with large dowries: but to make you part of amends for your vndeferued kindneffe, I here am content to yeeld to your requeft. The Gentle- man humbly thanked him, and prolonged not the time haunting Conicatchers. time I warrant you, but with great expedition hailed the mariage daie : where with great feafting and ioy with his friends they paffed that day with much pleafure and muficke. The Do6tour about a moneth after defired the Gen- tleman for his wiues portion, which the Gentleman willingly paid him. When two or three dayes were paffed he told the Gentleman hee would goe into his owne countrie to fee his friends, and withall prepare and make readie his houfe (which was let forth to farme) for himfelfe to inhabite, and that he would come againe when all things were readie and fetch his wife. The Gentleman was verie vnwilling to leaue the Do- 6lors companie ; but feeing the Do6lor fo importu- nate, at laft yielded, and fo lent the Do6lor and his boy two of his befl geldings: who as foone as they were on horfebacke, neuer minding to returne againe, tooke their iourney into Deuonfhire, and there fo long as his foure hundred pounds lafled made merie with their companions, till at laft hauing fpent all, beganne to renue his olde trade, and after being taken in compa- nie with fome fufpefled perfons was apprehended, and by the law (as I heard) was condemned to bee hanged for a murtherer. Thus although peraduenture hee was not guiltie of the murther, yet it was a iuft punifhment for his villanie before pra6lifed. The Gentleman after a quarter of a yeare was paft, beganne to looke for the Do6tors comming home againe, but in vaine; fo hee paffed a tweluemoneth, ex- pe6ting his fonne in lawes returne: at laft as happe was one of the Gentlemans acquaintance hauing beene at his houfe, and feeing the Do6lor there, brought word home to the Gentleman that hee fawe the Do- G 2 6tor 5« Greenes Ghoft £lor for certaine executed at Exceter in Deuonfhlre, for a muder. In what a melancholy humour the Gen- tleman was in, and what griefe and forrowe the young Gentlewoman tooke to heart at thefe heauie tidings, I refer it to the Reader, and none but thofe that haue tafted of thofe griefes doe fufficiently know. FINIS. s» i- {(} Printed bV Robert Anderson, 22 Ann STREET. 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