THB 
 
 ART OE CONVERSATION. 
 
 WITH 
 
 DIKECTIONS FOR SELF EDUCATION 
 
 NEW YORK : 
 
 , CarletoUy Publisher, Madison Square. 
 
 LONDON : S. LOW, SON & CO. 
 M DCCC LXX. 
 
y 
 
 V 
 
 Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1881, bj 
 
 GEO. W. CARLETON. 
 
 In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the Southern District of 
 
 New York. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 Pagt 
 Preface .7 
 
 INTRODUCTION. 
 Of Conversation in Greneral. . • • .15 
 
 THE ART OF CONVERSATION. 
 
 Chap. 
 - I. Attention in Conversation. . . .24 
 IL Of Inspiring Confidence in Conversation. 29 
 •^ m. Personal Appearance. — Dress. — Orna- 
 ments 37 
 
 ' rV. Of Satire, Sarcasm and Teasing. . 40 
 V. Of Censure and Fault-Finding. . 46 
 • VT. Of Compliments. . . . 49 
 ~Vn. Of Egotism in Conversation. . . 57 
 Vlii. Politeness — ^Its basis — Its Applications. 71 
 "IX. Of Stories, Anecdotes and Puns in Con- 
 versation. 81 
 
 X. Of Questioning — ^Its Misapplication and 
 
 its advantages in Conversation . 90 
 
 XI. Taking Liberties. — ^Impudence. — Staring. 93 
 
VI CONTENTS. 
 
 Chap. Pagf 
 
 XII. Of Argument in Conversation. — Of Men 
 
 who are " always in the right." . 9^ 
 XTTT. Of the'Influence of women in Conver- 
 sation; — Married Ladies. . . 104 
 XIV. Of Disagreeable Subjects in Conversa- 
 tion Ill 
 
 XV. The Paradox in Conversation. . . 114 
 XVI. Of Selfishness in Trifles.— Small Sacri- 
 fices .118 
 
 XVII. Of Conversation at Dinner-Parties . 124 
 
 XVni. Of Silent people.— Timidity— Its Cui-e. 130 
 
 XIX. Of Correct Language in Conversation. 135 
 
 SELF EDUCATION. 
 
 XX. Of acquiring General Knowledge. . 145 
 XXI. Of Self Instruction in Literary Com- 
 position or Writing. . • , 149 
 
 •XXn. Of Reading .156 
 
 XXin. Moral and Mental Philosophy. . 165 
 
 XXIV. Of Art in Conversation.— ^Esthetics . 167 
 XXV. Of Studying Languages . . 174 
 
 XX VL Of Curious and IMiscellaneous Eaiowl- 
 
 edge 180 
 
 XXVn. Of Science. . . » 184 
 
 APPENDIX. 
 XXVnX Of Vulgarisms in Conversation . i99 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 T is often urged against works like the 
 follqwing, that they profess to teach 
 what can only be acquired by practical 
 experience. 
 
 Keflection over this objection induced 
 me to write the ensuing pages. And 
 having borne it in mind through every 
 chapter, I trust I may be pardoned for 
 dissenting from such a canon of criticism. Conversation 
 b like chemistry, something which must of course result 
 in actual practice, but it is as true of the one as of the 
 other, that it is based on comprehensible facts which may 
 be set forth in books. 
 
 The truth is, that this objection is a relic of the old 
 school, which jealously restricted all familiarity with the 
 elegant arts of life to a favored few, whose interest it was 
 to create the impression that such arts were veiled by a 
 
8 JIRT OF COJVVERSATIOJV. 
 
 mystery never to be comprehended by the multitude. 
 This impression was enforced by identifying good-breeding, 
 accomplishments and grace, with innumerable frivolous 
 laws of etiquette, and by making the whole depend on 
 intimate acquaintance with the fleeting mode or fashion, 
 which was however attainable in perfection only in a court 
 circle. It is however worth remarking, that a very great 
 proportion of this elegance of the old school " which no 
 books can teach," was entirely derived from dancing mas- 
 ters and teachers of " style " — themselves members of 
 that lower class of society above which their pupils, 
 thanks to their efforts, were to be so mysteriously exalted. 
 There has been of late years a great change in the 
 opinions of the world regarding etiquette and elegance, 
 since the dancing master has been dethroned, and the 
 master of ceremonies no longer takes precedence of the 
 school-teacher, clergyman and editor. Social intercourse, 
 even in royal circles, is every day being based more and 
 more on the laws of common sense, of kindness and of 
 respect for the innate dignity of every man, than on the 
 accidents of rank, and on a conventional, Japanese-like 
 etiquette. The laws which lend grace and a charm ta 
 ufe are, in other words» becoming more distinctly intelU 
 
PREFACE. 9 
 
 gib*e, and more capable of being defined as sometLing 
 real, even in a book. 
 
 Not only within the past fifty years, bat actually dur 
 ing the present decade, have there been striking changos 
 in the manners of gentlemen, and in the tone of conver- 
 sation, as regards laying aside an affected and silly eti- 
 quette for the natural dictates of the heart, and for a so- 
 cial code which treats the poorest man as a gentleman, 
 so long as he behaves like one. Republicanism is, in 
 fact, becoming the law among the most highly cultivated, 
 while the worn-out frippery of the old school is, oddly 
 enough, cherished principally by the wealthy and am- 
 bitious vulgar. 
 
 That the spirit of the conversation of the present day 
 is infinitely more capable of being presented in a book 
 than was that of the old school will, I imagine, be denied 
 by no one who is impartially familiar with both. And 
 such leaders will, I trust, give - their sympathy to a very 
 sincere effort which the author earnestly hopes will not 
 be without effect in disseminating among the young men 
 of America some knowledge of the refinements of social 
 intercourse as based upon manliness, common sense, in« 
 tellectual culture, and a kindly legard for the rights of 
 
10 ^RT OF COJVVERSATIOJV, 
 
 others, instead of the scraps of an artificial and shallot 
 etiquette which is rapidly- becoming a matter of ridicule. 
 
 I should state in connection with this subject, that an 
 additional impulse to write this volume was given by ex 
 amination of a number of current works on society, con- 
 versation and etiquette. The tone of nearly all seemed 
 60 singularly old fashioned, so frivolous and imitative of 
 merely superficial " manners," that it was with real con- 
 cern I learned that such books are sold annually in in- 
 credible numbers. That their effect must be to make 
 silly fops, instead of brave -hearted and truly cultivated 
 gentlemen, is apparent on every page. One very popular 
 work tells its reader of *' A little book entitled * The Art 
 of Tying the Cravat,' which is as indispensable to a gen- 
 tleman as an ice at twelve o'clock.'* A very recent vol- 
 ume — and by far the most pretentious of them all — de- 
 clares that our conduct in society should consist of " a 
 happy medium between well-directed insolence," and 
 '* the subordinating our own vanity to the vanity of oth- 
 ers." Anothw work of sober tone consists chiefly of 
 hackneyed moral axioms, and tends to make the great 
 law of social intercourse an anxious care to abstain from 
 everything like amusement or cheerftdness — its hero of 
 
PREFACE. 11 
 
 a diary being a youth who . regretted he had not Worked 
 hard on the Fourth of July ! Another deals principally 
 in such arts as retiring gracefully from a room, " which 
 can only be done by an easy side-step, accompanied by 
 a graceful bow " — a performance which the author de- 
 clares is very difficult, and requires much private prac- 
 tice, but which is indispensable, " since nothing is so 
 rude and disgusting, as to turn your back upon any one." 
 The same writer, while urging the advantages of what he 
 terms " female conversation," adds as a climax to the 
 disasters which must result from neglecting such conver- 
 sation, that should you do so, '* you will certainly never 
 learn to dress " — this dressing, be it observed, consti- 
 tuting a very important part of his manual of politeness. 
 I should be indeed sorry to refer in such a manner to 
 the writings of others were they simply harmless ; but 
 such coxcomb's doctrines are not harmless, since they 
 make great mischief, in common with all that pretends to 
 teach young people that . true culture is a matter of bows, 
 expense, elaborate toilettes and grimaces ; or on the other 
 hand that it consists of sad austerity instead of genial 
 kindness, intellectual culture, joyous appreciation of all 
 that is merry and wise, and of life as it should be among 
 dither rioh or poor. 
 
12 -^iRT OF COJVVERSATIOJV. 
 
 The object af this book is therefore briefly as follows : 
 
 There is a strong tendency in the present age to base 
 the laws of social intercourse upon a standard of dignity 
 and of rights common to all, and to treat every one as a 
 gentleman and an equal, so long as he behaves civilly. 
 To do this, common sense teaches us that we must tacit- 
 ly lay aside most of that artificial manner which a poor 
 man, however courteous he may be by nature, cannot be 
 expected to have learned. It is on this ground that I 
 would establish the principles of conversation and of cul- 
 ture. 
 
 The reader will readily understand that I do not mean 
 that a gentleman should at ant/ time forget his natural 
 ease, grace, or correct language. I refer simply to that 
 indefinable annoyance, that expressive exaction of a ser- 
 vile deference, which was as marked in the gentlemen of 
 the old school as their shoulder-knots, diamond buttons 
 and swords, and which is still common in the more pro» 
 vincial English nobility and their institutions. 
 
 As regards the rules for self-instruction in literature, I 
 would state that having during many years pas^ f/«quent» 
 ly commended them to persons whose eduoatioR hi4 been 
 partly neglected, and having witnessed in sevtrt" casea 
 
PREFACE, 13 
 
 results beyond my expectations, I have been induced to 
 give the hints in question a place in this volume, with 
 the sincere hope that' their efl&cacy, in which I have that 
 faith which results from experience, may be generally 
 tested. 
 
 It is the application of the principle of beginning with 
 a few leading facts, of adding to them day by day, of 
 constantly reviewing what has been learned, of assidu- 
 ously combining and working up into new forms all tho 
 knowledge thus gained, and, in short, of developing the 
 memory of the whole by association, which forma the 
 method of teaching languages, so successfully followed 
 by the pupils of Ollendorff and of Ahn. My effort 
 in these pages has been to indicate the plan by which 
 this system may be practically applied to the acquisition 
 not merely of a language, but of any other branch ox 
 branches of learning. 
 
 It may have occurred to the reader, that the manner 
 in which foreign writers have found fault with the social 
 peculiarities of the American people involves in reality 
 B high compliment, since in judging of the conduct of 
 the mass in this country, they invariably adopt as their 
 standard that of the Jirst class in their own nation. II 
 
14 ART OF COJVVERSATIOJV, 
 
 would be preposterous to compare tte majority of oui 
 citizens to the peasants of Europe, and a knowledge of 
 the facts involved proclaims that moral and intellectual 
 culture is constantly making rapid advances in every di- 
 vision of society among us. Progress in all things, and 
 above all things in advancing the dignity of labor, is in 
 the United States no hackneyed axiom, but a great and 
 living truth, which most men take warmly to heart, and 
 in which they live and have their being. In this truth, 
 thousands, as I now write, are risking their lives, and for 
 it thousands of lives will yet be offered — aU to advance 
 the sum total of human happiness. 
 
 In the great system of social culture which occupies so 
 prominent a place in that of progress, the arts of freely 
 communicating our thoughts, and of acquiring knowledge, 
 are anything but insignificant If by the publication of 
 a few chapters, most sincerely written in the hope of do- 
 ing good, and which I trust are not entirely without somo 
 basis of observation and study, I shall succeed in aiding 
 though but a little, those arts, my most earnest ambition 
 wiL be fully realized. 
 
 The Authob. 
 
INTRODUCTION 
 
 OF OONVEHSATICJr IN QENEBAi. 
 
 HERE is no social art in -vvnich it 
 is so generally desirable to excel, as 
 in Conversation. 
 
 The man or woman who can ful- 
 fil all the conditions of talking 
 well, has at command a means of 
 success which, when directed by 
 common sense, is fully equal to all 
 the advantages afibrded by birth 
 and fortune combined. With it the woman of mod- 
 erate personal attractions can draw around her ad- 
 mirers, while the mere beauty remains a wall- 
 flower. 
 
 Wealth and rank often lose their charms to tho 
 possessor, and even the exercise of accomplishments 
 
16 JIRT OF CO^rVERSATJOJ\r. 
 
 at times grows wearisome. But the pleasure of 
 well-sustained social intercourse always retains its 
 zest. We love power ; and of all power the most 
 agreeable is that which comes from personal influ* 
 ence. It is for this reason that kings and other very 
 eminent persons so often excel in conversation, and 
 astonish ^le world by their happy faculty of adapt- 
 ing themselves to the most varied natures. They 
 soon grow weary of the flattery addressed merely to 
 their rank, and therefore devote themselves to the 
 art of personally pleasing, or of impressing those 
 whom they meet. And as they receive full encour- 
 agement and have every social advantage, they sel- 
 dom fail to make rapid progress. George the Third 
 has been greatly ridiculed as regarded his personal 
 peculiarities, and yet it would be diflScult to point 
 out in any literature the report of a conversation so 
 happily combining sense, courtesy, tact and wit, as 
 that which he he.d with Doctor Johnson, as we find 
 it narrated by the latter. 
 "** But it is not necessary to be a king to talk well, 
 except so far as acquiring control over the kingdom 
 of our mind is concerned. Every one who will de- 
 vote himself to the art can acquire in it a degree of 
 Bkill which will ensure respect in aixy society. By 
 
C OJVVER SA TIOJV IJV G EJVERAL. \ 7 
 
 practising dancing you learn to dance with ease ; and 
 by studying all the resources of conversation and 
 by putting them in practice as often as opportunity 
 occurs, you will end by talking well under the most 
 trying circumstances, acquiring ease of manner and 
 Belf-possession among those whose presence would 
 otherwise be to you oppressive. 
 
 Conversation cannot be entirely learned from 
 books, but books are quite capable of giving infor- 
 mation, and of making suggestions which every lady 
 or gentleman of ordinary intelligence can turn to 
 good account in this art, and thereby Acquire very 
 great advantages. The author was acquainted with 
 a gentleman of wide experience in society, who was 
 noted for his agreeable conversation ; and for this he 
 owed much, as he confessed, to reading what had 
 been written on the subject. No one will deny that 
 the difference between well-bred and vulgar children, 
 is in a great measure due to the precepts of parents ; 
 and yet all of those precepts may be given in black 
 and white. If the reader who is conscious of any 
 deficiency as regards tlie ability to appear to advan- 
 tage in society, will set himself to work in good 
 earnest to remedy his defects, even with no other 
 ieacher than a book, he may be confident of success 
 
J 
 
 13 ART OF COJ^VERSATIOJ^. 
 
 But to ensure it he must labor diligently. Nil sint 
 labore — nothing without labor. Rules and exam- 
 ples should be borne in mind and assiduously fol- 
 lowed at all times. 
 
 There is at least one great advantage in acquiring 
 this very useful art — its practice demands no loss 
 of time. On the contrary, when properly applied it 
 saves time. Those who converse correctly, invariably 
 induce others to talk more intelligibly with them, 
 and such people even in making bargains, come moro 
 distinctly to terms. Every time the student speaks 
 to any one, iie may turn his knowledge to advantage. 
 The porter at the street corner, the sailor lounging 
 in the sun, the elegant lady with whom you exchange 
 a few fleeting words in greeting ; your servant, your 
 principal, your officer, your friend, may all be made 
 tD aid in your mental culture and to feel it — so 
 soon as you by pains and perseverance begin to real- 
 ize that you are acquiring it. Nay, the most pow- 
 erful minds can be led in any direction you will, as 
 an elephant may be baited here and there by a child 
 with a few grains of rice, if you choose to simply 
 introduce or lead the subjects which pertain to the 
 direction required. Rules — even rules in books — 
 can be made of the greatest possible utility in these 
 respects. 
 
cojvrER SA Tiojsr ij\r g ejveral. 19 
 
 Language is the reflection of morals and manners. 
 of the life and of the heart. He who endeavors to 
 correct his conversation will also endeavor to cor 
 rcct the defects which control it. In leaving ofl 
 abusive expressions one learns to cure the^ habit of 
 thinking evil of others and of gloating over their 
 faults — for after all said, the "hypocrites" who 
 play such a part in old fashioned dramas — the men 
 who use language to conceal their thoughts — have 
 become rare in this age, because they succeed in de- 
 ceiving very few. Many may fancy themselves 
 adepts in the art of disguising their characters, but 
 the vulgar, yet expressive, word " humbug " seldom 
 fails to be commonly applied to them. 
 
 No man ever gave himself in earnest for any 
 great length of time to the object of succeeding in 
 the art of conversation, and of thereby making him- 
 self generally acceptable in society, without ridding 
 himself of many defects, which if not positive vices, 
 at least had nothing in common with goodness. To 
 converse well is to acquire that delicate morality 
 of the heart which leads on the one hand to kind- 
 ness, and is on the other mysteriously allied to good 
 taste in matters of life, of literature and of art. — 
 Hence it will be found that in those circles where a 
 
20 ^RT OF COJVrERSATIOJV. 
 
 very high standard of social intercourse is exactedj 
 and "which is expressed and tested by excellence in 
 oonversation, genius is most readily freed from the 
 clogs of prejudice, of suspicion and of vulgarity, 
 Rnd quickly manifests itself in great works. Tal- 
 ents are nowhere so rapidly developed as among peo- 
 ple who in their intercourse aim at constant eleganco 
 and propriety in discourse or discussion, and thia 
 latter is not the result, but rather the cause of the 
 development. It has often been a matter of won- 
 der that great minds are more generally developed 
 in groups, than singly ; in cities than in the country. 
 No one doubts that the same Anglo Saxon blood 
 exists all over America or England, with the same 
 average of talent ; and in every corner of the two 
 countries may be found highly educated men. But 
 how much greater is the proportion of genius which 
 is developed into actual results by social intercourse 
 than by solitary reflection ! The real reason for it 
 iaj that now and then a circle is formed whose mem - 
 bers cultivate the art of mutual expression and of 
 mutual intelligence — in other words the art of con-' 
 versation — and thereby succeed in a short time in 
 imparting to each other not merely a general 
 knowledge of what they themselves know, but also 
 
COJ^VERSATIOJ\r ^J\r GEJ\rERAL. 21 
 
 what they themselves are. Among men and women 
 who consciously or unconsciously excel in conversa- 
 tion, experiences of travel and of adventure, of per 
 sonal intercourse with eminent characters, and im«> 
 pressions of remarkable objects, are communicated 
 with a vividness which no written description can 
 convey. Tones, gestures, glances, attitudes and 
 smiles supply a color ^ so to speak, remaining indelibly 
 impressed upon the memory, and which no book can 
 ever impart. A single reminiscence of Lord Byron, 
 narrated by an accomplished " conversationalist," 
 has made upon my mind an impression far more viv- 
 id, and which seemed to give a deeper insight to the 
 personality of the poet, than did all of Lady Bles- 
 fiington's written experiences. 
 
 It will therefore be readily understood, that people 
 of ability greatly increase that ability, and enable 
 one another to produce great works, not merely by 
 mutually meeting, but by cultivating the art of con- 
 versation so that they may give and take knowled 
 to the greatest possible advantage. As regards the 
 pleasure to be derived from the proper exercise of 
 the power which this art bestows, little need be said. 
 One person, and especially any one accomplished wo- 
 man, who excels in it, is enough to cast an air of 
 
 serv/ 
 
22 ' -fiRT OF COJ^VERSATIOJf. 
 
 cheerfulness over a whole soirSe ; to sustain fci 
 weeks a spirit of gayetj at the dullest watering-place ; 
 to draw together in any society and then draw out 
 the best qualities of every one to advantage, to 
 unite congenial minds which would otherwise have 
 remained unknown to each other,, and in fact to ex- 
 ert a genial influence as of sunshine in all places and 
 at all times. It is usual to attribute such power en- 
 tirely to "disposition" or to natural "gifts." 
 Much is of course due in these happy instances to 
 ability or to "advantages," but I am firmly con- 
 vinced from observation, that after all it is chiefly 
 owing to the expansion which is given by judicious 
 cultivation of the art of conversation. The world 
 is full of men and women of kindly feelings, and 
 even of excellent educations, who have indeed every 
 requisite to not only achieve social eminence but to 
 elevate others with them — "if they only know 
 hotr" — that is to say, if they could only import 
 their thoughts, sentiments or moods, with ease and 
 tact, to others. ' 
 
 It may not be in the power of any writer to ren- 
 der every reader to this degree accomplished. But 
 it is very possible that the reader may by persever- 
 ance do as much for himself; and I shall have sue- 
 
COJ>rVERSATIOJ\r LX GETTER AL, 23 
 
 ceeded in my object, should I be so fortunate as to 
 induce any into whose hands this book may fall, and 
 who may be conscious of a need of instruction as 
 regards the subject of which it treats, to strive to 
 remedy the defect. 
 
u 
 
 ART OF'COJS'VERSATlOJf 
 
 CHAPTER L 
 
 A.TTENTION IN CONVERSATION. 
 
 ■/%^^ 
 
 HE best talkers are the best listen- 
 ers " is an axiom which has been 
 repeated, in one form or the oth- 
 er, in every cultivated language. 
 " The duty of paying attention to 
 what other people say is a funda- 
 mental law of the social code." 
 You may be able to startle with 
 your wit, move by your pathos, and 
 thrill with your eloquence — but all this will not 
 Have you from being frequently a positive annoyance 
 unless you have occasionally what Sidney Smith de- 
 •ired in a loquacious gentleman — a few flashes of 
 silence. 
 J The duller tho intellect and the more limited th« 
 
ATTE^TIOJV IJ>r COJ\'VERSATIOJV. 25 
 
 knowledge and experience maj be of the person with 
 whom you talk, the more will he wish to hear him- 
 Bclf, and the less will he desire to listen to you, 
 save for applause and flattery. Bear patiently with 
 such people, and content yourself with following the 
 example of Sir Walter Scott, by directing their 
 conversation to subjects on which they can give you 
 useful information. Remember that there are few 
 persons from whom you cannot learn something, and 
 that everything is worth knowing. 
 
 Whenever you meet with a man or woman who 
 seems disposed, as the French say, to defray all the 
 expenses of the conversation, you would do well to 
 become a listener and limit yourself to an occasional 
 remark, which you will have time to render piquant, 
 and which, if apropos, will make the greater impres- 
 sion on your " subject." Patience is the first of all 
 social virtues, but Silence is her most useful hand- 
 maid. And though you be even a Job by nature, 
 you will seldom take part in a conversation in 
 which the two may not aid you. I can safely 
 Pay, that in reviewing my own studies of conversa- 
 tion I find that those who produced the most favor- 
 able impression on all, were men or women who in- 
 dicated the possession of great patience. No degree 
 
26 ^^RT OF COJVVERSATIOSr 
 
 of brilliancy or of knowledge will impress well 
 bred people with a sense of superiority at all com- 
 parable to that which is awakened by patience and 
 self-command. It is the true basis of the savoir 
 /aire, or "knowing how to act correctly under all 
 circumstances," which is the whole art of being a 
 man of the world. 
 
 It would be well if every one would once a day 
 reflect on the proverb which states that we seldom get 
 into trouble by saying too little, but very often by 
 saying too much. 
 
 There is an inexpressible courtesy and a true no- 
 bility in deference and in attention when paid by 
 children to parents ; by young girls or ladies to any 
 who are older than themselves, or by young men to 
 any one. It indicates a very high degree of culture 
 and refinement, and is an unfailing omen of success 
 in life. But it becomes far more beautiful and 
 noble when manifested by either old or young to- 
 wards inferiors. Many people excel in courteously 
 evading or getting rid of the conversation of others, 
 but the lady or gentleman has mastered a much 
 higher grade in the " art of living " who can listen 
 with interest to all, especially to the poor and hum- 
 ble, without manifesting impatience, indifference oi 
 affectation of interest. 
 
ATTEJVTIOJV- IJ^iT COJVVERSATIOJV. 97 
 
 V 
 
 While silent in conversation and while listening, ▼ 
 never stare away to the right or left, and be careful 
 to avoid all appearance of inattention or of abstrac- 
 tedness. Look steadily at the speaker — if he of 
 she be a person of sense it will be an admonition to 
 be concise, for it is not kind to compel prolonged 
 attention from those who are so courteous as to be- 
 stow it. 
 
 A French writer has however, ingeniously ob- 
 served that one is justifiable in seeming to be inat- 
 tentive or in a reverie when praised by another, 
 or when a flattering allusion is in any way made to 
 an action, a work or a remark which does him hoOr 
 or. 
 
 To attend to many persons, or to look steadily 
 at them may require modifications. I have soen 
 women as well as men who to whatever mi^ht be 
 uttered, not excepting the lightest jests, never 
 varied from a steady stare which seemed to say, 
 "I will know the whole truth — you cainot de- 
 ceive me." No rudeness was intended, but the im- / 
 pression which the stare gave was that of a w^ant of/ 
 courtesy. One may look steadily and yet p\>litelyy 
 
 To recur to my text, let the reader never forget 
 in any conversation, under any circumstances, that 
 
28 -^RT OF C0J\rVERSAT10J\r. 
 
 it is not only the best part of courtesy, but also of 
 policy to be rather a listener than a speaker. Pol- 
 liymnia, the muse of Eloquence herself is repre 
 Bcnted with a fore-finger on her lip to signify that 
 silence if aptly employed sets off language to tho 
 best advantage. 
 
COJ^FIDFJ\rCE IJ\r COJ\rVEESATIOJV. 
 
 29 
 
 CHAPTER n. 
 
 or INSPIBma CONFIDENCE IN GGKTEBSATIOir. 
 
 REQUISITE element of agree- 
 able conversation is that it be un- 
 restrained, and to do this you 
 must inspire confidence in your 
 discretion. 
 
 Strive by every means in your 
 power to avoid the reputation of 
 a tattler. Never repeat to a soul 
 a syllable which was not intended 
 for repetition. Make it a point of personal pride to 
 be reserved on this subject. 
 
 Few persons seem to be aware of the advantages 
 which are to be derived from having the character of 
 never repeating anything that is told them. Most 
 people in the warmth of conversation say much which 
 
80 -ART OF COJVVERSATTOJSr. 
 
 they trust will be kept secret, and quite as many, it 
 may be added, repeat nearly all of these confidences, 
 hoping that an injunction to secrecy will protect 
 them from all consequences. How can they hope 
 that others will be more truthful than themselves ? 
 
 But those who are truly faithful in their reserve 
 enjoy an advantage, as regards making friends, which 
 it Is difficult to exaggerate. With many women, the 
 mere conviction of such a merit in a man is enough 
 to insure intimacy and unreserved confidence. He 
 who hopes to become a favorite with the fair sex can- 
 not begin too soon, or labor too assiduously, in creat- 
 ing the impression that the most trivial secret, 
 whether imparted to him or acquired by accident, is, 
 in his keeping, perfectly safe. But it will be vain 
 to attempt to gain this character unless it be found- 
 ed in fact. A single bit of gossip in circulation 
 stamped with your name, will excite general distrust 
 and doubt as to your fidelity. If you can establish 
 a character with yourself for secrecy, others will 
 soon elevate it to something remarkable. 
 
 The whole world is full of people craving for con- 
 fidence — people to whom a secret is like gold in a 
 child's pocket, burning to be issued. Those who are 
 high in rank and blessed with every advantage are 
 
COJSTFIDE.VLE IJ>r COJ\rVERSATIOJV. 31 
 
 often tormented for want of " a true friend ; " mean- 
 ing thereby some one to whom they can confide se- 
 crets. And on those who will simply take them 
 and keep them, they are willing to bestow friendship. 
 To those who would be in such confidence it is 
 enough that they follow the advice already given of 
 never being directly or indirectly the means of dis- 
 seminating gossip of any kind. ^ 
 
 In connection with this subject I may properly / 
 advise the reader agiimst, Qjiriosity. There are peo- 
 ple who cannot see a letter without craving to know 
 to whom it is addressed, or who cannot find any- 
 thing written lying on a table, without involuntarily 
 picking it up. The Riul Pry is the meanest char- 
 acter of society, and he who would feel superior in 
 strength and in integrity should strive vigorously 
 to h2^;e_nothing in common with such a type of base- 
 Dess. 
 
 / 
 
 Bear continually in mind the fact that in the art kJ 
 of conversation the secret of success lies not so 
 much in knowing what to say, as in what to avoid 
 Baying. , 
 
 Efery man or woman of ordinary intelligence can 
 
82 -ART OF COJVVERSATIOJ\r. 
 
 by resolutely acquiring information and imparting 
 it in correct language, become a good talker. But 
 to become a good conversationalist, it is necessary to 
 influe-nce the minds of others. You must esUblisb 
 Jk genial and sympathetic tone between yourself and 
 the one with whom you discourse, so that in the end 
 your friend may retain the conviction that he haa 
 _„_said nothing which sobeir second thought would dis- 
 approve, or to which you would recur with doubt. 
 To do this is always in the power of either. It con« 
 sists in following rigorously the simple rule : 
 
 ^ ^' Xfeose^lease most who offend the least." 
 
 It is not enough to refrain in conversation from 
 annoying those who are present, or from censuring 
 the absent. It is extremely characteristic of a gen- 
 
 y tleman or lady "to abstain from a//^ gossip whatever 
 or from meddling reference to other people and their 
 affairs. I am aware of the very great difficulty of 
 determining what is, or is not, proper to be discuss- 
 ed of other people. Many things must be known, 
 and of many others that knowledge which at one 
 time seems impertinent, at another proves to be prop- 
 er and profitable. The most sensible people not un- 
 frequently show themselves gratified at learning that 
 you are not ignorant of matters in relation to^iem, 
 
COJVFIDFJVCE IJ\r C0J>rVERSAT10.Y. 33 
 
 which, strictly speaking, it is none of your business 
 to know. And a knowledge of the good or Lad forw 
 tunes of those whom you encounter may have a se- 
 rious influence in determining the character of your 
 intercourse. 
 
 All of this, and much more, may be adduced by 
 those who defend the practice of gossiping. Yet it 
 remains true that, after all, those who least indulge 
 in such meddling meanness are the least seldom en- 
 tangled in troubles throuo^h io^norance. - To be able 
 to resolutely avoid listening to comments on the 
 family affairs, intentions, or mistakes of other people, 
 rejjuirea not only firmness hnt tact, and the one who 
 is possessed of this will seldom be involved in diffi- 
 culties resulting from avoiding gossip. The lady or 
 gentleman who can successfully achieve such a tri- 
 umph will at once assume a high position as regards 
 understanding and. threading the entanglements of 
 life and of society. It may not be clear to the 
 youthful reader why this should be so, but if he or 
 she will implicitly follow the rule of strictly avoid- 
 ing all gossip whatever, the time will come when the 
 immense advantages gained from such observance 
 will be as a bright light over a whole life time. 
 
 And while on this subject I may appropriately ob* 
 
84 -^RT OF COJVVERSATIOJV. 
 
 Berve its connection with an accomplishment of very 
 great importance, which is generally regarded as be- 
 ing" entirely a natural gift. I refer to tact ; to that 
 judicious employment of our powers just at the 
 right time, which is so useful in life. And with it 
 I may also mention that happy exercise of wisdom 
 by which one is enabled to avoid those embarrass- 
 ments into which the young are especially liable to 
 fall. 
 
 It is the want of these gifts which the inexperi- 
 enced in life contemplate with most dread. Let 
 them console themselves with the reflection, that the 
 most certain means of acquiring thern^ is to very 
 strictly adhere to the rule of doing as you would be 
 dbnQ by~at"aTl tim^s^anT on"att~occasions, firmly re- 
 sisting all temptation to the contrary. This, with 
 the cultivation of knowledge, and of such arts of so- 
 ciety, and accomplishments, as you can master, will 
 be certain to impart, in time, that firmness and con- 
 fidence which, when allied to grace, invariably be- 
 stow tact and practical wisdom. 
 
 I trust that the reader will not regard these re- 
 marks as the mere commonplaces of morality. They 
 are matters of sound common sense and their appli* 
 cation gives the best possible basis for forming an ele« 
 
COJVFIDEJVCE IJV COJyrVERSATIOJV. 35 
 
 gant man or woman of the world, of the type whicli 
 is now becoming most admired and respected. At 
 this day society is rapidly undergoing great changes. 
 Drinking and gambling and extravagance are no 
 longer encouraged in respectable circles as they were 
 in the days of the gentlemen of the old school, anc! 
 the heartless maxims of Chesterfield are now studied 
 only in that second class, which always unconscious- 
 ly occupies a position far behind the true leaders. 
 I know that the young are still generally under the 
 impression that brilliancy in society, elegance and 
 grace in manner and in conversation, have nothing in 
 common with love for all mankind, with forgiving 
 our enemies, and with endeavoring assiduously to do 
 good in every way to old and young, rich and poor. 
 I know that it is too often believed that tenderness 
 of heart and conscience are not to be reconciled with 
 the character of a gay man or woman of the world, 
 with fashion and cosmopolite style. Bat it is a great 
 error, so very great that I know that all of these 
 latter fascinations may be best acquired with the aid 
 of a good heart. It is time the ridiculous error were 
 dissipated — that one must needs be more or less 
 hardened and frivolous to enjoy life in its most ele- 
 gant phases The truth is, that the really best i^eQ- 
 
86 ART OP COJVVERSATIOJ>r, 
 
 pie in the world ought to be among those who best 
 know it — and there is no reason why they should 
 not occupy such a position. 
 
 I trust that the reader who is desirous of excel- 
 ling in conversation will peruse this chapter more 
 than once. Should he or she succeed in thoroughly 
 extirpating the habit of which it treats, I might per- 
 haps conclude with this page — so confident am I 
 that one so much purified at heart would through 
 life meet with every social encouragement frcm all 
 whose good opinion would be worth having. 
 
PERSOJ\rAL APPEARAJ^CE, gT 
 
 CHAPTER nr. 
 
 PERSONAL APPSABASrCB. DRES3. OBNAMESTTS. 
 
 N a well known French work on cou- 
 
 versation, the first three chapters are 
 
 devoted to the teeth, the mouth, and 
 
 the tongue. To those who would 
 
 excel in the art, the suggestion may 
 
 not however be amiss that as regards 
 
 personal appearance there should be 
 
 neither striking defects nor effects. 
 
 Not only should the teeth^ as the 
 
 French writer suggests, be kept scrupulously neat, 
 
 and with them the minutest details of the entire 
 
 person, but the hair and dress should be strictly 
 
 within the average limits of the fashion of the day. 
 
 The reason for this is manifest — there should be 
 
 nothing to distract the eye or divert the attention 
 
S8 ART OF COJVVERSATWJSr. 
 
 from the expression of he countenance, or from the 
 words of the person conversing. The slightest neg- 
 lect of cleanliness is quite enough, with the majority 
 of refined people, to mingle a feeling of disgust with 
 the most favorable impressions, even though they 
 may be quite unconscious of the source of the dis- 
 agreeable feeling — for such defects often open to 
 us, we know not why, a long train of offensive asso- 
 ciations. Neat toilettes and good clothes are to be 
 commended, since they are in a certain sense a com- 
 pliment to all with whom you associate. But for a 
 man, jewelry and striking ornaments, gay colors and 
 all that attracts the eye form serious drawbacks. 
 People of experience in the world, especially intel- 
 ligent and shrewd women, are prompt to form con- 
 clusions from foppish eccentricities of dress, which are 
 seldom to the credit of the wearer ; and though they 
 may pay a tribute of admiration to the ornaments in 
 themselves, it will always be discounted from the re- 
 spect due to the mind of the one who bears them. 
 
 It is far safer to trust to an old coat, than to rely 
 on the slightest neglect of neatness escaping obser- 
 vation. 
 
 Cheap imitative elegance is invariably vulgar, and 
 indicates the mere fac-simile of what is in itself a< 
 
APPEABAA^CE, HRESS, ORJ\'AMEJ\rTS. 39 
 
 best little better than ornamental barbarism. It ia 
 well set forth by Pimch : 
 
 ' Believe me if all these ridiculous charms 
 
 "Which I see on thy watch-guard to-day. 
 Were to-morrow locked up in the pawn-broker's arms. 
 
 Some trifling advance to repay, 
 Thou wouldst still be the snob which this moment thou art. 
 
 Let thy vanity think what it will ; 
 Jrr those shining red buttons, that breast-pin so smart. 
 
 And those studs, show vulgarity still ! *' 
 
 I am perfectly aware that with many men the ten- 
 dency to gaudy color and display is irrepressible. 
 Perhaps it is well that such is the case, since it is a 
 matter of some importance that the weak-minded 
 should be promptly known whenever met, and we 
 may therefore regard the tendency as equivalent to 
 ihe wise provision of Nature by which we are ena- 
 bled to distinguish parrots and macaws from the birds 
 of pleasanter temper and song. 
 
 A lady being asked what opinion she had formed 
 of the conversation of a certain young gentleman, 
 replied : '* Do not ask me ! I can remember 
 nothing of it all but a horrible great red coral ball 
 on his cravat, whieh rolled against all my ideas and 
 knocked them down like nine-pins ! ' 
 
40 
 
 ART OF COJVFERSATIOJV 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 OF fATERE, SABCASM, AND TEASINO. 
 
 J 
 
 ^EVER saj anything unpleasant 
 when it can bj any possibility be 
 avoided. 
 
 It is to be regretted that witty 
 satire and keen retorts are so gen- 
 erally relished. Many persons 
 seem to be under the impression 
 that without sarcasm social inter- 
 course must of necessity be dull. It is indeed too 
 frequently believed that all wit must cut as well 
 as shine. The temptations to indulge in this form 
 of rudeness are consequently to many, irresistible. 
 They learn that a single sarcasm or a stinging reply 
 promptly conceived and well expressed often estab- 
 lishes a reputation. If they look into the past, they 
 
SATIRE. SARCASM. TEASIJS'G. 4,1 
 
 find that many men of letters, statesmen and artists, 
 who would otherwise have been forgotten, still live in 
 anecdotes which do credit to their heads, but very 
 little to their hearts. They observe, too, that all 
 manner of faults are corrected or punished by wit, 
 and that people who l^ould otherwise become social 
 plagues, are frequently held in check by the fear of 
 pointed ridicule. 
 
 But unfortunately very few observe the degree to 
 which the abuses of vfitty sarcasm out-balance its 
 benefits. A majority of ali quarrels and ill-feelings 
 spring from this source. Where impertinence is 
 once crushed by wit, it is a hundred times goaded to 
 insolence and revenge. In nearly all instances of 
 *' deserved castigations " by pointed repartee, it will 
 bejound they might have been avoided without a 
 sacrifice of dignity, in some manner far more cred- 
 itable to the intelligence of the one replying. And 
 it should be borne in mind, that very few persons who 
 have once become notorious for keen retorts fail to 
 become positive nuisances. Having brought down 
 with a single shot some one who is fair game, they 
 end by setting up an '^ infernal machine " against 
 the wnole world. 
 
 It has been said that by strictly avoiding the 
 
42 -^RT OF COJ\rVERSATIOJ\r. 
 
 temptation to use slang, we end by disco\ering not 
 only more correct, but even far more striking expres- 
 sions as an equivalent. So it will be found that by 
 refraining from satire and sarcasm, wit, far from bomg 
 diminished, greatly increases its real power and value. 
 Even when it is absolutely necessary to reply to in- 
 solence with a retort, and when the happiest form of 
 a cutting answer promptly suggests itself, you should 
 remember that it is always possible to retain the wit 
 and administer the-^eproof in a manner which ex- 
 presses your disinclination to inflict pain. Such 
 triumphs of skill and kind-heartedness indicate a de- 
 gree of nobility which deeply impresses every one 
 whose admiration is worth winning. 
 
 It may be seriously doubted whether any person 
 famed for frequent satirical retorts was ever at heart 
 either a gentlepian or lady. The professed "wit" 
 grasps at his weapons as naturally as a groom in a 
 quarrel grasps at a stable-fork. A man whose head 
 and heart are alike cultivated may, like a gentleman, 
 when taken unawares, seize the same implement, and 
 with it defeat his foes ; but he casts it aside when all 
 is over, as though he regretted the necessity which com- 
 pelled him to use it. It is very significant, that the 
 lower the society,, the greater is the relish for smart 
 
 r.-r^ 
 
SATIRE. SARCASM. TEASIJVG 43 
 
 and tart sayings. At a certain depth of vulgarity ^e 
 continually hear in conversation, efforts at satire fol- 
 lowed by bitter recrimination and endless quarrel- 
 ling. I trust that the yomng reader who aims at suc- 
 cess in conversation and at thorough accomplish- 
 ment, will reflect deeply on this subject. He can- 
 not fail to ascertain that whatever may be repeated 
 with admiration of the wits of the last generation, 
 or of our own, that on the whole this species of 
 brilliant vulgarity, which made a reputation for a 
 Douglas Jerrold, is rapidly losing ground in culti- 
 vated society. 
 
 There is a character to be very frequently met 
 with, which is too often imitated by those desirous of 
 acquiring an easy, independent tone in conversation. 
 I refer to both men and women who indulge in 
 " churlish flings and boorish slurs " at the present 
 or the absent in a cool, smiling, easy manner, which 
 they fondly believe passes for polished satire and 
 keen irony. Elderly and imperfectly educated fops, 
 who wish to be thought wits and men of the world, y 
 are much given to this style of impertinence. It 
 abounds, however, among all the coarser varieties of 
 people, who think by profuse expenditure and costly 
 dress, to cover defects of intellect and of early as* 
 
44 '^RT OF COJ\rVERSATIOJV. 
 
 sociations. They think that an elegant air may be 
 put on as a garment. Nothing is so easy indeed to 
 assume as this ironical and personal vein, which ia 
 intended to only slightly annoy, without being car- 
 ried so far as to give serious grounds for a quarrel. 
 It proclaims unmistakably, imperfect culture or real 
 vulgarity endeavoring to masquerade as elegance, 
 though it is by no means unfrequent among those 
 whose associations should have taught them better. 
 
 Avoid at all times in conversation all manner of 
 liberties. _ilTeasing " is a favorite amusement with 
 Yj^ jn^pj, and is not unfrequently carried, as regards 
 i^yJiM'^^^^Q^l victims, to such an extent as to utterly ruin 
 dispositions which would otherwise have been excel- 
 lent. It generally leads to irritation and insult. 
 Persons who habitually tease in any manner what- 
 ever, directly or indirectly, may be possessed of 
 many excellent qualities, but they are not entitled 
 to true respect ; nor is any one, who fails in respect 
 towards others, or in regard for their feelings. 
 
 The incurable ^' tease" who cannot refrain from 
 annoyances, is indeed invariably an individual whose 
 intellect is in some respect deficient or disordered, 
 and who is therefore to be avoided. Such persona 
 are frequently gifted with wit, and, occasionally, with 
 
SAITS^E SARCASM. TEASIJVG. 45 
 
 polished (^not refined) manners, but thoy are dan- 
 gerous companions, as their irritating disposition 13 
 apt to communicate itself to those whom thej are in 
 the habit of attacking. 
 
ART OF COjyVKRSATlOnf 
 
 CHAPTER r. 
 
 OF CEN8UEB AND FAULT riNDIU'O. 
 
 HOSE who would excel in conver- 
 sation should beware of censuring. 
 There are persons who seldom 
 talk without blaming some one, 
 or carping, grumbling and disap- 
 proving. The faults of others 
 are as their very breath. They 
 seem to be forever looking down ; 
 and, to judge them by their own accounts, one might 
 imagine that they had never, in all their lives, asso- 
 ciated or met with a decent or reputable human 
 being. 
 
 It is unfortunately true that a very large propor- 
 tion of social conversation consiists of fault-finding, 
 or of remarks derogatory to the character of the 
 
CEJ\rS UR E. FA UL T FIJVDIJSTG . 47 
 
 absent. Here and there, indeed, we encounter a 
 truly noble nature, which recognizes the vileness of 
 abusive gossip and avoids it. I would have the 
 reader adopt such a character as an ideal to be fol- 
 lowed out at all risks, at all times, and under every 
 temptation. Let him resolve every morning that 
 no needless word of censure shall during the day 
 pass bis lips ; and when he shall have so long ad- 
 hered to the resolution as to feel quite certain that 
 he has cured himself of the vice, he may indulge 
 in the proud consciousness of being at heart not 
 only a gentleman, but a gentleman who has few 
 peers in the first circles of any land. 
 
 There are few persons who do not regard a man 
 or woman who never speaks ill of others as of truly 
 noble character. Such instances of magnanimity 
 are rare, but they never fail to be duly honored. 
 In society their words meet with marked attention, 
 for they are invariably truthful, and the world 
 knows that what they say will be dissolored by no 
 malice or uncharitableness. Very elegant and 
 highly accomplished women of the world sometimes 
 accomplish this great triumph over the most insidi- 
 ous fault of our nature, and thereby wonderfully 
 increase their abilities in the art of pleasing. 
 
48 -^RT OF COjyrERSATIOA". 
 
 It is within the power of every young person to 
 make and keep a resolution never to utter a word 
 directly or indirectly uncomplimentary to any one 
 If such young persons should be ojQTered a fortune 
 dependent upon success in this, how earnestly 
 would they guard every utterance ! And yet no 
 fortune would ever be of such real benefit to any 
 youth as a heart pure and free from all carping and 
 censure. 
 
 Owing to a strange delusion, very few are really 
 aware of their own habit of indulgence in this 
 vice, though they readily remark it in others. ] 
 believe, indeed, that the worst offenders would be 
 amazed should they learn the truth. If you have 
 any doubt on the subject, set down thrice a day 
 in a blank book, as nearly as you can recal it, every 
 word which you have said of any one which you 
 would not repeat to his face, or have said of your- 
 self K you occasionally review the volume you 
 will, in all probability, be induced to reform tha 
 habit 
 
OF COMPLJMEXTS. 
 
 49 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 OF COMPLIMENTS. 
 
 HE spirit of a compliment is the 
 expression of something agreeable 
 to another person. 
 
 It is therefore absurd to broad- 
 ly condemn it, since the whole art 
 of pleasing is more or less directly 
 that of complimenting. The most 
 benevolent or generous act to an 
 equal, loses much of its value if utterly devoid of 
 compliment — that delicate homage by which we 
 imply that certain excellencies or merits in another 
 bare made upon us a something more than superfi- 
 cial impression. 
 
 Women — or men — who are not familiar with 
 
 3 
 
50 Ai^T OF COJVrERSATIOJV. 
 
 the world, or skilled in conversation, invariably ex- 
 press, and perhaps feel, a dislike to compliments. 
 They are either suspicious and doubt the sincerity 
 of all praise, or, as is more frequently the case, they 
 find themselves unable to turn the compliment with 
 an adroit answer or graceful reply, and are conse- 
 quently rather vexed than pleased with it. Much 
 of this comes from an uneasy fear of covert ridi- 
 cule, of being '^ quizzed " or held at an advantage. 
 It is needless to say that such feelings or fears never 
 annoy a cultivated woman, or any one gifted with 
 proper self respect. 
 
 It is true there are compliments to which objec- 
 tion may justly be raised. Some are coarse, some 
 clumsy, others trivial, and others worn out; bu: 
 they almost invariably correspond to the character 
 and conversation of those who utter them, and if 
 we are frequently annoyed, it is generally our fault. 
 
 But no compliment should be too severely judged, 
 unless it be manifestly a downright -sarcasm or in- 
 sult in disguise. The flattest flattery implies at 
 least on the part of the one uttering it, a desire to 
 commend himself to favorable consideration, and haa 
 a more creditable f^round than scandal, satire and 
 
OF COMPLIMENTS. 51 
 
 I have already intimated that the crownirg excel- 
 lence of conversation, as a mere art, is, not to ac- 
 quire a reputation for excellency in it, lest through 
 notoriety we lose naturalness. To pay compliments 
 well, especially to young women, one should not 
 have the reputation of being profuse in praise, or, as 
 girls sometimes phrase it, of "having the hat-full 
 ready.'- 
 
 Yet as every expression of congenial appreciation 
 and admiration is really a compliment, it is evident 
 that the art should be cultivated — I dare not say 
 studied — since a studied compliment has been de- 
 clared to be none at all, Sincere admiration, ele- 
 gantly or wittily expressed, is acceptable to most 
 people, and is the most effective means of persuasion 
 for a lover. And it need not be directly oral. Ex- 
 pressive and respectful glances — not stares, — 
 adroit commendation of certain qualities in other 
 people which are shared by the one you compliment, 
 all belong to the art. If we carefully study any 
 person's tastes, tendencies, accomplishments and as- 
 sociations, opportunities for sincere and pleasing com- 
 pliments will occur continually. 
 
 Of all compliments the most agreeable are those 
 in which the one paying them seems to be uncon- 
 
52 -^RT OF COJVVERSATIOJV. 
 
 scious of so doing, and is at the same time warmljr 
 in earnest. When offered in this manner to a lady 
 she is doublj gratified, — first with the compliment, 
 and secondly, with her own penetration at having 
 detected a real feeling in relation to herself. 
 
 Beautiful women are readily convinced by a glance 
 or by demeanor that their charms are appreciated. 
 All of them, however, who have any claims to cul- 
 ture, will, when the first tribute is paid, be best 
 pleased with appreciative compliments paid to their 
 intelligence, accomplishments, ''spirit," kindness 
 of heart, tastes, habits, hopes and associations. A 
 very beautiful woman who believes that she has ex- 
 cited a deep admiration for some quality othe?^ than 
 her beauty — especially if it be one for which the 
 TTorld gives her little credit — is always gratified. 
 "I heard that you said a very good thing lately," 
 '' There is an excellent remark going the rounds 
 which I hear attributed to you," will be found much 
 more gratifying to a person who has no established 
 reputation for wit, than to any other. And aa 
 there are very few persons who never say anything 
 worth repeating, it is an easy matter to pay such 
 compliments in all sincerity. 
 
 There are few persons living who are not iT\or« 
 
OF C0MPLIME.YT8. 5<, 
 
 or le.5S interested in the opinion of others. Men, 
 as a rule, are gratified to know not merely that 
 women have praised them in their absence, but even 
 ttat they have been favorably spoken of to the 
 dames. If you can inform A that you had con- 
 versed with B in reference to him, and that the con- 
 versation had been such as to give B a favorable 
 impression of A, or had drawn a compliment from 
 him, you will yourself pay an agreeable compliment 
 by referring to it, especially if your words and man- 
 ner are aptly managed. If B occupy a high posi- 
 tion, A will assuredly never forget the fact. There 
 need be neither impropriety or insincerity in thus 
 promoting kindly feelings between people. 
 
 After all said on the subject, it is certain that to 
 an intelligent and cultivated mind there are few 
 women of intelligence entirely devoid of personal 
 attractions ; and almost every human being, though 
 he or she may have even relinquished all claim 
 to be beautiful, still clings to the very last to 
 a fiiitb in a certain *' expression," which, improper- 
 ly appreciated, must raise the whole personality to 
 admiration. And instances are not unfrequent in 
 which women who were either beautiful, piquant, 
 pleasing or " sympathetic," have heard so little of 
 
54 -^RT. OF COJVVERSATIOJV. 
 
 the language of admiration, that the first report cf 
 a really genial compliment paid them, thrilled 
 through the heart like fire. This is sometimes the 
 case when a sister has attracted all the admiration. 
 There are again instances in which a ladj may have 
 a good enough opinion of herself, and jet be quite 
 incapable of appreciating the peculiar or real reason 
 why she is admired. I could cite the instance of a 
 lover of art, who had a special admiration for the 
 singular face of a statue in the Louvre, and who had 
 the strange fortune to find it almost identically real- 
 ized as a living fac simile in the features of a young 
 girl who was by no means accustomed to praise of 
 her beauty. Very often, peculiar associations like 
 this will render certain countenances charming to 
 us, which is the secret, by the way, why ignorant 
 boys and girls, who are without such associations, 
 are extremely critical and conventional in their 
 judgment of personal attractions, while men of wide 
 experience and knowledge are far more generally 
 appreciative, and more easily pleased. In short, 
 where wo wish to compliment, the opportunity to do 
 Bv with sincerity and credit to ourselves is seldom 
 wanting, when our tastes are cultivated. 
 
 Compliments are frequently uttered as good 
 
OF COMPLIMEJ^TS, 55 
 
 natured jokes, not to be taken literally, and yet to 
 be accepted as manifesting at least politeness, Tlma 
 in a book on Italy, a gentleman while admiring a 
 picture of Louis XIV surrounded by the ladies of 
 his court, is represented as remarking that "he 
 would gladly have been in that monarch's place at 
 that time." To which the painter of the picture — ■ 
 a Frenchman — replied that " he certainly knew no 
 j^entleman who could have filled it with more credit 
 to himself, or, more agreeably to the ladies. Such 
 a compliment is a mere trifle, and cannot go beyond 
 a laugh and a gay reply, but, as the world goes, 
 with many men and women it would produce a bet- 
 ter impression than the most elaborate wisdom. 
 
 Do not forget, however, that in compliments aa 
 well as in all that you say, the manner, style, ad- 
 dress and tone have, in ordinary conversation, quite 
 as much to do with success, as the sentiment. 
 Many people smirk when about to speak; others 
 have an intolerable air of preamble^ which seems to -/y 
 promise that something remarkable (in the opinion 
 of the speaker) is coming. Some acquire a manner 
 of saying everything, which is not agreeable, as it 
 betrays consciousness of intending to produce an 
 effect. In short, there is but one rule, — be natural 
 
56 ART OF COJVVERSATIOJf 
 
 By carefully observing and noting down soma 
 scores of compliments, or of remarks which have 
 made an agreeable impression, and by studying and 
 comparing them, the reader will be able to attain 
 proficiency in classifying these butterflies of the 
 social garden, and he certainly will learn to word 
 his own compliments more aptly. This will be an 
 easy matter, since the proportion of people who will 
 cheerfully supply you with such as have been ad- 
 dressed to themselves, is by no means small. 
 
 A compliment is nothing if it is not sincere, and 
 it should no more be confounded with flattery, than 
 pride with vanity. 
 
EGOTISM IJV- COJVVERSATJOJV 
 
 61 
 
 CHAPTER Vn. 
 
 OP EGOTISM IN CONVERSATION. 
 
 N conversation make as few refer- 
 ences as possible to yourself. 
 
 Beware of giving the slightest 
 indication that you habitually realize 
 your own merits. 
 
 This is, however, equivalent to 
 urging you to begin with first prin- 
 ciples, and to conquer the habit, 
 since no one who has formed it can conceal it. 
 
 Egotism is the most insidious and effective poison 
 of merit. No matter how wise, how witty, learned, 
 brave, or beautiful one may be, self-consciousness 
 spoils all its effects, and even a child, can render the 
 least vanity ridiculous. It is the greatest of blem- 
 3» 
 
58 -ART OF C0J\rFEIlSAT10JV, 
 
 ishes in social intercourse, and should be most scru- 
 pulously shunned in its everj form. A French 
 j writer has spok-en of people in whose manner could 
 (I be detected '• suppressed vanity," and of different va- 
 i rietics of such people. The truth is, that the habit 
 — for it is only a mere habit — must be cured^ not 
 disguised. Suppressing egotism does not mean 
 crushing self-confidence or pride, but tlte destroying 
 a silly habit of continually looking at self as another 
 personage parading about on the stage of life, and 
 anxiously caring for what is said of it, or studying 
 the effects which it produces. The fault is rapidly 
 , developed by much indulgence in " small talk," and 
 j above all by continually gossipping of other people 
 f — of families, marriages, engagements, '^ atten- 
 tions," fortunes, and what is said by everybody of 
 \ every body else. 
 
 ' Men and women who are weak and ignorant 
 enough to believe that a general knowledge of the ' 
 affairs of others indicates familiarity with " society " 
 and the world, are, without exception, egotists of the 
 ridiculous stamp. Nothing but a weak vanity can 
 induce man or woman to become the " Jenkins " or 
 current chronicle of " the fashion " in any city, vil- 
 lage or hamlet. People not unfrequently encourage 
 
EGOTISM IJ\r COjYVERSATIOJ^. 59 
 
 the ^' Jonkins " bj smiles and praise, but thej al- 
 ways despise the character in their hearts. It is 
 very easy to understand that the giving much 
 thought to little transitory personal trifles of no 
 value in themselves, rapidly increases the fault of 
 v^hallow vanity. \He who is continually busy with 
 reflectIng~o»nrwGat people think and say of each 
 other, will be quite certain to keep a place for him- 
 self with the rest. This is the reason why in very 
 gossiping circles there are few efforts of genius, and 
 few genial and earnest minds, for all is killed by re- 
 flected egotism 
 
 1 1 Never speak of your own peculiarities. 
 / Many persons acquire a gay habit of merry boast- 
 \ ing, or of humorous gasconading — so called from the 
 \Gascons, a brave and talented people, who however ut- 
 yterly destroy all respect for their real merit by their 
 \ habits of vaunting. He who ,would avoid vanity 
 / should have absolutely nothing to do with it — not 
 / even to burlesque it. Self is our most insidious foe, 
 \ and he who boasts in fun will soon find earnest 
 thoughts gliding into the current of his jests. In 
 ijhort, avoid everything which may suggest, however 
 remotely, to those with whom you converse, the sus- 
 picion that you think of the effect you produce. 
 
60 -^RT OF COJVVERSATIOJy. 
 
 There are people who can speak in detail of them- 
 selves and their works without vanity, and there are 
 others who cannot tell you the day of the month 
 wittout some ridiculous manifestation of self- 
 consciousness. 
 
 I Avoid intimacy with weak minds, or at least 
 ' evade as much as possible indulging them in their 
 idle gossip, if you would escape vanity. Ignorance 
 takes refuge in personality, and people who care 
 nothing for books, or art, or amusements, or beautiful 
 subjects or great questions of general interest will talk 
 about one another and of themselves. *' The more 
 culture the less vanity," is a rule by which one may 
 accurately determine the nature of the society in 
 which he finds himself If you are obliged to asso- 
 ciate with back-biters, gossips and egotists, intimate 
 to them as quietly as you can, and without hurting 
 their feelings, that you wish to avoid their favorite 
 topics. If you persistently refrain from such sub- 
 jects for a few weeks you will realize to a remarka- 
 ble degree the benefit of such discipline. 
 
 Persons who can be aware that another is endeav- 
 oring to cure himself of a defect, and will yet ridi- 
 cule him for it, deserve to be distinctly ranked as 
 morally vile. 
 
EGOTISM Lr COJVVKRSATIOJ^r. Q\ 
 
 Taking one vice with another there is not one 
 which makes so much mischief as is caused bj cen- 
 'soriousness and gossip, yet we seldom find vigorous 
 efforts made to extirpate them, and it is bat fair to 
 inform the inexperienced reader that in circles where 
 there is not a high degree of culture, he will meet 
 with many who regard themselves as very moral 
 persons who will actually discourage his efforts to 
 avoid gossip and vanity. Let him, however, perse- 
 vere and he will succeed. Life wag never given to 
 us that our thoughts should all be given to the be- 
 trothals, successes, and private affairs of people, or 
 to what figure we cut before them. Had it been so, 
 there would not have been the slightest occasion for 
 bestowing on us reason or intellect. 
 
 Do not in conversation refer too frequently to 
 scenes in which you have figured ; to great people 
 whom you have known ; to your travels, your suc- 
 cesses, or to anything on which you may be sup- 
 posed to congratulate yourself If possible, avoid 
 recurring often to trains of thought and associations 
 connected with your " strong points," since most peo- 
 ple, and especially women, are very apt at detecting 
 vanity. Do not however as some do, scrupulously 
 avoid all mention whatever of your experiences and 
 
62 -^J^T OF COJVVERSATIOJ^. 
 
 fortunes. There are men who carry this to an ah 
 Burd degree of affectation, and abstain from the 
 slightest reference to their travels, or what they 
 have seen^ or of which they werje a part. This ia 
 only vanity in a more refined form. Many " honest 
 folk " expect from a traveller, or any other who has 
 achieved what is to them at least a celebrity, some 
 entertaining anecdotes which they themselves may 
 cite. Such excellent souls can no more comprehend 
 motives for reserve than an Arab would similar 
 modesty in a hadji from Mecca. Whenever you 
 can appropriately and modestly draw upon your ex- 
 perience for an illustration, do so. Rely upon it 
 that opportunities will not be wanting. 
 
 Do not talk so as to display your wealth or your 
 habitual familiarity with it, or with rich people. 
 This disgusting form of vanity is very common in 
 the United States, and gives an excellent standard 
 for ascertaining the real social position and culture 
 of many who are well guarded against detection in 
 other respects. It is an insidious fault, and one full 
 of temptation in circles where money-getting is the 
 chief occupation. It displays itself in the aifecta- 
 tion of forgetting what some expensive article costs, 
 and in speaking of expenditures ^s trifles, when thej 
 
EGOTISM IJV COJVVERSATIO.X. 68 
 
 were really matters of serious consideration. It ia 
 betrayed in the vulgar habit of never alluding to a 
 wealthy man without speaking of his riches, or to a 
 respectable family in modera^te circumstanceSj with- 
 out declaring that they are " poor as Job." When 
 you are yourself well off, such a style of reference 
 to others, especially before those who are not so 
 prosperous, is truly contemptible, even when no 
 "hints" are intended, and no offence is given. 
 This form of vanity is also seen in the habitual en- 
 deavor to create the impression that one's mind at 
 least is familiar with luxury. Such people talk 
 nothing but gems and divans, Tokay and costly 
 steeds, sables and three-pile velvet. Others roll 
 over with a relish, the names of the millionaires of 
 tlie day, and will mention with pride the having 
 been in company with some great Shylock's agent, 
 as though there were something gilding in the very 
 neighborhood of a man who deals in large sums. It 
 is shown in a tendency to increase figures when 
 speaking of sums. There are men who, in narrating 
 an anecdote of a wager never place the sum at less 
 than " ten thousand dollars ; " and like them are 
 the women whose friend's diamonds are always said 
 to be worth " thirty thousand.'* The same vanity ij 
 
64 -^^2' OF COJVVERSATIOJSr. 
 
 displayed in volunteering to tell the price of everj 
 article in your possession, or in asking that of ar- 
 ticles belonging to others — a thing which sliould be 
 done as seldom as possible^ and always with an apol- 
 ogy — or at least with that straight-forwardnesa 
 which in some persons speaks of itself a pressing 
 reason, devoid of all idle curiosity. 
 
 Avoid very frequent conversation on any subject 
 in which you are notoriously interested. If you 
 have a specialty in politics, religion, or in any other 
 direction, it will be often enough referred to by 
 others without your introducing it. If you are 
 physically strong, or handsome, or accomplished in 
 any arts, do not make strength and beauty and your 
 favorite abilities, even indirectly, a frequent subject 
 of discussion. 
 
 Beware of a peculiar form of vanity which con- 
 sists in making confidences of your private affairs to 
 many people, and in binding every acquaintance to 
 solemn secresy as to this or that matter relative to 
 yourself or friends. Weak people often think by 
 such confidence to attract intimacy, but the^jconfided- 
 in seldom fail, on reflection, to a4;tribute it to mere 
 vanity. 
 
 Of all follies, never seek to make capital in gen 
 
EGOTISM IJV COJSrVERSATIOJV. (55 
 
 eral conversation by communicating to any mortal 
 whatever, your misfortunes, grievances and losses. 
 Whatever momentary sympathy you may attract 
 will, in too many cases, be entirely neutralized on 
 the fatal sober second thought of th.ose in whom you 
 may confide. That is a pitiful vanity indeed, which 
 would sooner expose its defeats from Fortune, than 
 not talk of self More absurd still is the confes- 
 sion of your private faults and vices — a species of 
 vanity frequent enough among would-be romantic 
 people of a school which is now becoming generally 
 ridiculous. On this subject a French writer hag 
 well remarked, that " you should always avoid men- 
 tion of yourself, since, if it be an eulogium, people 
 will regard it as a lie ; while if you criticise your- 
 self, they will take you at your word, and accept it 
 as an article of faith." 
 
 In short, never allude in any way, or under any 
 circumstances, where it can be avoided, to your own 
 excellencies or defects. 
 
 It is very vain to use strong and emphatic asser- 
 tions, such as " 7 know," " I am positively cer- J 
 tain," " Yes — but / happen to know all about it." 
 It is intolerably conceited, and in most instances 
 ' irritates, without exciting the slightest respoct for 
 
66 ^RT OF COJ\rVERSATIOJ\r. 
 
 your declaration. Always substitute " I tliink,' 
 " I believe," " It seems to me," " Excuse mcj but 
 I think I have heard," &c. It is not enough to 
 limit your words in this respect, you should never 
 emphasize the voice too forcibly. One may say . 
 ' I beg your pardon. Sir," with an expression equiv- 
 alent to a flat and insulting contradiction. 
 
 Still more vain and vulgar is the use of such ex- 
 pressions as " H'm ! " " Pshaw ! " " Much you 
 know about it ! " " Stuff! " and '' Fiddlesticks ! " 
 These expressions and others like them of a strongly 
 dissentient nature, should never be uttered by any 
 one under any circumstances whatever. They are 
 all rude, as is indeed every word and every empha- 
 sis which directly expresses denial of any assertion. 
 
 A very improper manifestation of vanity is shown 
 in giving advice rather with a view to displaying 
 superior wisdom, than to really assist a sufferer. A 
 very common form of such weakness consists in ad- 
 vising in vague and general terms which are of no 
 practical significance, and convey no new idea. One 
 may repeat a hundred times : "be industrious ! be 
 thrifty ! be enterprizing " — but unless the advice 
 be accompanied with some practical illustration or 
 %I)plication, its result will in most cases be to irritate 
 
EGOTISM IJSr COJ\rVERSATIOJ>r, Q*l 
 
 Nevei talk simply to hear yourself talk, or for ef- 
 fect. Be especially on your guard against thia 
 when more than one person is listening to you, for 
 then the temptation will often be great to speak 
 merely from display. 
 
 Every time you converse with any one it will be 
 your own fault if you have done nothing to create a 
 favorable impression. But all displays of vanity 
 are unfavorable. 
 
 Beware at all times of social oratory. The par- 
 lor lecturer is a common form of vanity, especially 
 among men of humble origin who have unexpectedly 
 developed some intellectual power, and risen to a lit- 
 tle public consideration. Small orators, small cler- 
 gymen, small poets and small politicians are all giv- 
 en to this weakness. They love the sound of their 
 own voices and are not in the habit of reflecting that 
 all professional display in private is silly. 
 
 Never undertake to lead in conversation. Do 
 not when you are about to narrate something look 
 about and enforce silence. If you say good things 
 the world will soon find it out. Never try to be a 
 *' lion," or to do all the talking. I have seen a 
 gentleman noted for his stories, look positively of- 
 fended after having monopolized the entire attention 
 
68 -^RJ^ OF COJVVERSATIOJSr. 
 
 of a large company for an hour, because anptliei 
 person ventured to tell a tale of the same stamp as 
 his own. It is all vanity. 
 
 If jou remember any one distinctly after a long 
 absence, do not affect to have forgotten him, even 
 though he should be so weak as to do so. Noncha- 
 lance is at best an ornament of very doubtful ele- 
 gance, and is now rather old-fashioned. It is gen- 
 erally accompanied by egotism, and leads every one 
 who deliberately cultivates it into the commission of 
 countless petty falsehoods and many acts of real 
 rudeness. To affect to forget what you really re- 
 member is, after all, untrue — and honesty is the 
 first qualification of a gentleman or lady. I would 
 lay great stress on the avoiding this affectation of 
 indifference, since it is unfortunately still prevalent 
 in all classes of society. If you really cannot at 
 first recal any one, be certain to speak out honestly 
 (and eagerly, if you feel the slightest inclination to 
 do so,) as soon as you begin to remember any cir- 
 cumstance in connection with your former inter- 
 course. 
 
 Whenever any instance of vanity or affectation 
 strikes you in others, note it down and strictly avoid 
 it in future in your own person. If you hear a per- 
 
EGOTISM JJV COJVVERSATTOJV. 69 
 
 son outshouting an entire congregation in responses 
 or *' amens," remember that vanity seeks for effect^ 
 and sink your own voice. Nearly all eccentricity 
 ?rhatever is in fact only shallow vanity. Avoid odd' 
 ity of every kind whatever in your external ap- 
 pearance or manners or conversation. If you dili- 
 gently cultivate your mind and study assiduously to 
 please in conversation, you will soon become noted 
 and that in the most agreeable way. 
 
 It is to be regretted that French writers on eti- 
 quette and conversation insist so strongly on vanity 
 as the real basis of all character. In a work which 
 is in many other respects excellent, I find for in- 
 stance these axioms : 
 
 '• It is not necessary to be really modest, but at 
 least attempt to appear so." 
 
 *' Modesty, or that which seems to be such, is a 
 speculation on the vanity of others." * 
 
 Let the young reader rest assured that it is neces- 
 sary to be modest as well as to appear so, and that 
 ' that virtue may be acquired by practice. By associ- 
 •^ ating with those who excel you in your own especial 
 merits, you will improve these, and at the same time 
 
 ♦ L'Art de Causer, Encyclopedie de la Conversation, Pai 
 M. Saint Maurice, Paris 1834. 
 
70 ART OF COJTJrERSATIOJS'', 
 
 learn to avoid vanity. And remember, he who cul- 
 tivates modesty does not disqualify himself for suc- 
 cess in the world. In acquiring it you also gain con- 
 fidence and firmness. Impudence is generally the 
 cloak of indecision and of cowardice. 
 
POLITEJK'ESS. ITS BASIS 7| 
 
 CHAPTER Vm, 
 
 POLITENESS. ITS BASIS. ITS APPLICATION. 
 
 HE basis of all true politeness is 
 kindness. 
 
 All politeness should be real, U^" 
 and from the heart. If you con- 
 stantly strive to reason away your '-^'' 
 prejudices against people, you will 
 become polite. Most of our dis- 
 likes have very little foundation. 
 A large proportion of them spring from idle gossip, 
 from fancied slights, or from trials of our temper 
 which we could very easily forgive, wer.e it really our 
 interest to do so. 
 
 But it is always our interest to keep on the beat 
 terms with every one who is not really bad or dis- 
 reputable. To do this one must maintain an un- 
 
7:^ .iRT OF COJ>rVERSATlO.\- 
 
 U' 
 
 ^o: 
 
 ceasing watch over his or her temper, and suffer no 
 
 opportunity to escape, however trifling, of gratify- 
 
 \ ing others. If kindness of heart be the first requi- 
 
 / Bite in politeness, it is quite as true that assiduity 
 
 \ is not less needed. 
 
 Let memory be on the alert to recal anything 
 which may be agreeable or serviceable to those with 
 whom you converse, and keep your eyes and eara 
 open to seize the opportunity for any friendly oflfice, 
 no matter how trifling. Politeness, be it remem- 
 l)ered, includes " polish, elegance, ease and graceful- 
 ness of manner, united with a desire to please others, 
 and a careful attention to their wants and wishes." 
 J\ The first step towards achieving grace is to be 
 
 j quietly confident and feel at ease in any society. 
 
 / Tf your language be good, y^our knowledge creditable, 
 your personal appearance devoid of eccentricity 
 and if you have learned to avoid making yourself 
 •' conspicuous," there is no reason why you should 
 not bo firm and assured, anywhere. Do not vex 
 
 v/yourself with thoughts of inferiority, but " be your- 
 self to yourself," and a little familiarity with the 
 world will soon teach you the absurdity of timidity. 
 Ease rapidly brings grace if any effort whatever be 
 made to say and do kindly things in a cheerful and 
 conciliatory way. 
 
POLITEJVESS. ITS BASIS. 73 
 
 t Exercise your attention and your thoughts when 
 ir. company. If you find that bashfulness and em- iy^ 
 barrassment without cause occasionally afflict you 
 in society, banish them by finding something to do 
 or say forthwith. Do not stop to argue with your- *^ 
 self but act promptly. Ask for an introduction to y 
 any body, and talk of the weather or the walking, 
 or the rooms, or any trifles, till something better 
 suggests itself. The first step in politeness is to 
 make such efforts, and they are a duty. In society 
 you owe them to your host or hostess who does not 
 of course like to see a gloomy or embarrassed guest. 
 And you owe them at all times, in all places, to 
 everybody, as a matter of politeness. 
 
 Do not think it a matter of indifference whether 
 you pick up a fan for some humble old dame, eager^ 
 ly or indifferently. If your mind be active, {a7id 
 you can make it so by frequently thinking of such 
 matters,) it will occur to you that a little attention 
 of the kind with an appearance of prompt, earnest 
 courtesy is very gratifying to old people ; and there- 
 fore you will probably on such reflection show active 
 service with downright good will. And if, a minute 
 after, you have an opportunity to render the same 
 courtesy to the belle of the ball-room, you will find 
 4 
 
74 ART OF COJVVERSATIuJV 
 
 that you do it all the better for your previous ser* 
 vice. 
 
 The young of either sex should remember that all 
 / tho little attentions, salutations, civilities and graces 
 / of " society " are as strictly due in the home circle 
 to sisters, brothers, parents and others, as at a party, 
 \ and that courtesy, like charity, begins at home. 
 Boys and girls should be taught never to receive 
 anything from the hands of a servant without ex- 
 pressing thanks, and all services whatever, from all 
 persons, should be acknowledged in like manner. 
 
 The higher ladies or gentlemen are placed in soci- 
 ety, and the more refined their politeness, the more 
 frequently do they speak courteously to servants and 
 to all humble people. French ladies and gentlemen 
 very generally salute their dependents as they would 
 their acquaintances, while it has been remarked of 
 the English in the highest circles, that they never 
 notice the existence of those who minister to their 
 wants, and worship the same God with them in tho 
 same family-chapel, any more, than if they were so 
 many machines. Of late years this discreditable 
 rudeness has been a little modified, but it is still 
 very general. 
 
 If it should occur to you that an article which 
 
POLITEATESS. ITS BASIS. 7ft 
 
 meets your eye in a newspaper would interest a friend, 
 do not neglect or forget it, but take measures so that 
 he may see it as soon as possible. Remember tht t 
 ' to most persons, especially to the young and to la- 
 dies, gifts, however trifling, are always acceptable, 
 and that a shell, a coin, a drawing, in short almost 
 lany little thing is frequently a very gratifying com- 
 [pliment indeed. There may possibly in no one in- 
 stance be a solid return for all these services. You 
 may fancy that you are coldly thanked, and that your 
 courtesy has been churlishly received. But do not, 
 as the vulgar do, grumble over it, to yourself or to 
 others. Remember that you have at least exercised 
 your heart and your manners. Persevere in your ^ 
 attentions to every one, and you will soon find the 
 reward i?i yourself. Remember the Arab proverb 
 " do good and throw it into the sea. If the fishes do 
 not observe it God will." 
 
 By remembering all the instances of true polite- 
 ness, devoid of a desire to display^ which fall under 
 your notice, and by applying them, you will soon 
 become graceful in manner if not in body. The one 
 however leads to the other. Begin by strictly ob- 
 serving all the little courtesies of thanks, salutations, 
 offering places, handing chairs, paying deserved com- 
 
' ART OF COJ^VEHSATIOJSr. 
 
 pliments, and in fact by rendering all services and 
 attentions to all people at all times, which are prop 
 er and fit. Do not neglect anything of the kind, 
 even to a person for whom you care . very little, nor 
 say to yourself: '' he will never know it if I neg- 
 lect it." Be up and acting. It is a great step to- 
 wards politeness, grace and skill in conversation, to 
 have formed habits of generosity and constant cour- 
 tesy. 
 
 If you have an enemy, and an opportunity occurs 
 to benefit him in matters great or small, act like a 
 gentleman^ and do him good service without hesita 
 tion. If you would know what it is to feel noble, 
 and " strong within yourself," do this secretly and 
 keep it secret. Though you have no higher motive, 
 carry out the principle for the sake of pride and 
 dignity. A man who can act thus will soon feel at 
 ease anywhere. It is said of Callot, an eminent 
 French artist and engraver of the seventeenth cen- 
 tury, that he was once slandered in a pasquinade by 
 a certain nobleman of the court. At that time, to 
 have one's portrait engraved by Callot was an object 
 of ambition with the highest dignitaries of the king- 
 dom and it was attained by very few. Callot*s an- 
 Bwar to the injury was to publish a superbly execut* 
 
POLITEJSTESS. ITS BASIS. 77 
 
 ed likeness of his enemy, with an inscription setting 
 forth his titles and great deeds. To this day the in 
 cident is cited as an instance of proud nobility of 
 soul. Callot was in the highest sense polite. 
 
 Politeness is shown by passing over the faults and 
 foibles of those whom you. meet. Cultivate this 
 especially towards relations. The world is severe in 
 its judgment of those who expose the faults of 
 kindred, no matter what the provocation may be. 
 Vulgar families are almost always at feud. It is not 
 polite to detail injuries which you may have received ^ 
 from any one, unless there exist some urgent neces- 
 sity for so doing. 
 
 Politeness is manifested in courteous inquiries after 
 I the friends and family of those whom you meet, and 
 [in manifesting a cordial interest in them. It is 
 shown by devoting a little space in every letter to 
 " remembrances " for friends. It is a highly grati- / 
 fying form of politeness to write occasionally to all ' 
 from whom you have received kindnesses which will 
 warrant you in so doing. It is polite to conform 
 your dress, and (in reason) your habits, to the tastes 
 and feeling of those whose guest or associate you / 
 may be. It is polite and complimentary to inquire' 
 after any one of whose acquaintance your friend may 
 
^8 -^RT OF COJVVERSATIOJSr 
 
 Lave reason to be proud. It is polite when you are 
 a guest to endeavor to enjoy yourself and make oth- 
 ers do so. It is polite to those who are assembled 
 in any place, to avoid heated argument, and all 
 noisy remarks or " remarkable " conduct. It is po- 
 lite to promptly ask every one to take a chair who 
 enters your house or office, and the more cultivated 
 you are, the more widely will you extend such cour- 
 tesies to humble people. It is polite to do every- 
 / thing for another which would gratify him or her 
 / and is not unreasonable. It is polite to make no al- 
 J lusions to age. It is polite to spare people elder! 
 than yourself, and women of any age, any exertion 
 of personal eflfort, even in the merest trifles. It is ' 
 polite to take no notice whatever of accidents or an- 
 noying occurrences, unless by so doing you can be of 
 assistance. It is polite to make ready and unstudied 
 sacrifices of your exertion or of your comfort to 
 gratify others j as, for instance, to always escort any 
 lady, or do a service for a friend. It is polite to \ 
 suppress your peculiar tenets in religion or politics 
 before those who differ with you. It is polite to 
 never take it upon yourself in any way to punish 
 any person, unless it be distinctly your business to 
 do so. It is polite to avoid practical jokes. It is 
 
POIITEJ\rESS ITS BASIS. 79 
 
 jolite when you have offended any one or hurt his 
 feolings in any way, to apologize for it. as clearly 
 as possible without reservation or excuse, since the 
 more vulgar a man is, the more does he obscure and 
 degrade an apologj by self-justification. It is po- 
 lite to express an interest in or admiration of that 
 which is dear to others. It is sometimes more polite 
 to accept a gift or a courtesy, especially from hum- 
 ble people, than to refuse it ; and it is polite to show 
 the utmost kindness and courtesy to those who have 
 been reduced by adversity. And it is something 
 more than polite to interpose and shield another per- 
 son from mortification, wounded self-respect and loss 
 of dignity. 
 
 The young reader may practise the politeness 
 which will advance him in the most elegant society, 
 in every hut and workshop. He may show it every 
 time he speaks to ^ny person, and test it in every 
 act in which another is concerned. If in addition 
 to constant courtesy and kindness he cultivate the 
 graces, be neat in person and attire, make a good 
 bow is prompt at offering a lady his arm, and become 
 otherwise personally dexterous, he will have done 
 much to qualify himself for that conversation^ 
 which, as meaning "familiar discourse and inter- 
 
80 -^RT OF COJVVERSATIOJV. 
 
 Change of sentiments," must itself be entirely qual« 
 ified by the nature, habits, and feelings of any one 
 maintaining it. 
 
 I trust that if the reader who aims at this accom- 
 plishment will carefully re-read this chapter, and 
 thoroughly realize the meaning and applicability of 
 its rules, he will not accuse it of being a collection 
 of "mere general remarks" of no practical use. 
 Certain minor requisites popularly connected with 
 *' politeness " are indeed not to be learned from a 
 book. To bow gracefully, to hold one's head erect, 
 to sit properly at all times and always at ease, to 
 walk well, to avoid clownish attitudes and many lit- 
 tle awkward acts, to eat properly and conduct one's 
 self well in all respects at table, require either fa- 
 miliarity with people who do all these things, or else 
 very great perseverance. But to form, even unaided, 
 the great basis of all elegance and politeness, is pos- 
 sible to all. It is a duty and should be a pleasure. 
 
STORIES, AJVECnOTHS, pujys. 
 
 81 
 
 CHAPIER IX. 
 
 01 8TOEIE8, ANECDOTES, AND PUNS, IN CONVERSATION 
 
 T is well to be able to tell a good 
 story, but it is better to be able to 
 avoid the reputation of being a pro- 
 fessed story-teller. 
 
 The same is true as regards re- 
 peating anecdotes, puns, quotations, 
 and other illustrations of a more for- 
 mal style of wit or of sentiment than 
 conversation usually affords. He who aims at con- 
 versing well, must avoid a hobby. 
 
 Yet in limiting your stories to one or two, while 
 in the same party, as high authority advises, I do 
 not counsel the continual repetition of only one or 
 
 two stories. It is very disagreeable to be expected 
 4» 
 
g2 -^RT OF COJVVERSATIOJV 
 
 to laugh at something which one has heard before^ 
 and the man who is known by repeatmg a small 
 budget of the same tales to all his friends, is invari 
 ablj more or less imbecile. What shall I say cf 
 men who learn one story of a professor of elocution, 
 who practise it frequently at home, and repeat it for 
 years on every occasion ! 
 
 Do not tell a story unless you think it new, oi 
 / are at least confident that it will be new to your au- 
 / ditors. Lot it be m place — that is to say, illustra- 
 y tive of son:)ething which has occurred in conversa- 
 tion, for a story forced in at all hazards is very 
 ridiculous. Of such awkward introductions the 
 jest books contain the following illustrations : 
 
 " An Old gentleman had a story of a gun, which 
 he was wont to tell every day at dinner. As it was 
 sometimes difficult to find an opportunity to intro- 
 duce it, he hit upon the following unfailing expedi- 
 ent. Stamping on the ground beneath the table, he 
 ' would exclaim : 
 ^y "'Bless me! what's that? — a gun? By the 
 way, talking of gu?is — ' 
 
 " And then he told his story." 
 
 There is also an instance of one who, m company 
 with a celebrated theologian, thought it necessary to 
 
STORIES, AJ^ECDOTES, PUJVS. 83 
 
 display Bome Biblical knowledge, but could not, for 
 a long time think of anything which seemed apt. 
 At last, at a very unfit time, he cried out : 
 
 " I do declare that Samson was the strongest man 
 that ever lived." 
 
 '' Not so,'' exclaimed one present. " You your- 
 self are stronger than Samson." 
 
 " How so? " asked the other, in amazement. 
 
 " Why, have you not just lugged him in by the 
 head and shoulders ? " 
 
 The jest was rude and therefore not to be com- 
 mended. In telling stories, study brevity, and good, 
 clear English, avoiding all " fine language," and yet 
 omitting nothing which can render them perfectly 
 intelligible. If you can tell them without laughing 
 yourself, the effect is generally thought to be thereby 
 improved.* The best story-tellers seldom mimic 
 the voice or accent, as it savors of buffoonery and 
 vulgarity, unless a foreigner be described, and even 
 
 * Charles Lamb, in his Essays of Elia, (Edition of Phila- 
 delphia, 1859, p. 489,) declares the axiom " that a man must 
 not laugh at his own joke," to be a popular fallacy, and •* the 
 severest exaction surely ever invented upon the self-denial of poor 
 human nature." ♦' This is," he continues, " to expect a gentle- 
 man to give a treat without partaking of it ; to sit esurient at 
 his own table, and commend the flavour of his venisop upon th« 
 absurd strength of his never touching it himself." 
 
84 -^RT OF C0J\rVERSAT20Jy. 
 
 in such a case, good taste shows itself by avoiding 
 exaggeration. 
 
 Never vamp up an old story with new dates and 
 faces. It is a species of falsehood, and will subject 
 you to contempt when detected — as you certainly 
 will be. I have heard one who would be indignant 
 at being called other than a gentleman, tell a story 
 hundreds of years old, as having occurred within 
 his own experience, and to his neighbors. What is 
 to be thought of a man who would risk his character 
 for veracity and honor for the sake of a jest ? 
 
 An effort at dramatic acting in story telling is to 
 be avoided, since it not only leads to ''over-acting," 
 but conveys an unpleasant impression of self-con- 
 sciousness of humor. I do not refer in this to any 
 truly natural effusion of merriment, such as many 
 natives of Continental Europe display in narration, 
 but to the manifest effort at effect which results from 
 vanity. 
 
 There are men who are always the heroes of their 
 own stories, and others who will fondly ask : " Did 
 you hear that little thing I got off the other day ? " 
 Some will modestly preface a jest by informing you 
 that it is their own^ but perhaps you have already 
 heard it, as it is all over the town? Others will in- 
 
STORIES, AJSTECDOTES, PUJVS. 85 
 
 cidentallj give themselves a touch of gilding b^ 
 casually mentioning the name of some eminenx man 
 or woman who was much delighted "with their wit, 
 while certain persons humbly angle for a little praise 
 by inquiring if it be not good enough to print 7 
 
 Many who would not be guilty of an " immoral " 
 thought, do not hesitate to tell coarse stories and 
 utter rank jests. As such wit or humor invariably 
 indicates vulgarity^ either inherent or acquired, I 
 cannot too strongly warn the young reader who 
 would converse well, against even listening to such 
 stuff, lest his mind should acquire a taint. Unclean- 
 liness in any form, unpleasant details of personal 
 neglect, anecdotes founded on the secrets or the arti- 
 cles of. the toilette, instances of gross appetite, or 
 indeed of any sensual excesses ; of being disgusted, 
 and incidents of ill-health, are all utterly unfit sub- 
 jects for pleasantry, and should never be used as such. 
 No prefacing or apology can render them excusable, 
 or remove the stain of nastiness from the mind 
 which entertains them. It is worth remarking, that 
 while the merely "witty and wicked" jest general- 
 ly flits away into forgetfulness, the coarse joke re- 
 mains to be too often permanently fixed in the 
 memory. But young minds which are contaminated 
 
SQ ART OF COJ\rVERSATIOJ\r. 
 
 with coarseness are the readiest receptacles for all 
 vice. It is not at all unusual to hear, in rural dis- 
 tricts, even pious men, of the ruder class, "who would 
 not for the world make the faintest allusion to any- 
 thing savoring of " immorality," still indulge in 
 many varieties of verbal filth which would cause 
 some of the wickedest worldlings of the cities to feel 
 unpleasantly. Those who have carefully studied 
 children's minds, will agree with me when I attribute 
 the .development of much of that impropriety which 
 after (and sometimes before) the age of puberty, 
 results in vice ; not to inherent appetite, but rather 
 to familiarity with the coarseness disguised as hu- 
 mor, which is never reprobated as wicked, though it 
 may be frequently reproved as " vulgar." 
 
 Let the reader rely upon it, there is nothing 
 manly or spirited in any manifestation of coarseness 
 whatever, and that all vulgar wit and humor simply 
 excites the silent contempt of the well-bred man or 
 woman of the world, 
 
 Anecdotes should by all means be new ; old ones 
 are little insulta A French author has said that 
 we should be very economical in using even the best, 
 as they form a sort of small change, of which a man 
 
STOHIES, AJSTECDOTES, PUJfS. 87 
 
 cf wit and taste will avail himself only on very great 
 occasions. A good anecdote, aptly told, is, however, 
 a powerful aid in conversation ; serving, it may be, 
 for a very brilliant illustration. A man who never 
 tells an anecdote is generally dull ; one who does 
 little else in conversation is frequently described as 
 being in his anec-dotage. 
 
 I do not agree with a writer on conversation* who 
 exhorts his readers to invariably attribute the pater- 
 nity of puns and conundrums to some other person, 
 adding, "if they have a success in the world, you 
 can always reclaim them. But it certainly is not 
 necessary, neither is it in good taste, to begin or end 
 by informing the hearers that such an elaborate 
 effort of wit, as a pun often seetris to be, is your own. 
 Depend upon it, that if you originate many plays 
 upon words, you will acquire quite as much reputa- 
 tion as a punster as any man need desire, though 
 you conceal your share in them with the most scru- 
 pulous care. Genial humor or brilliant wit, far 
 from injuring real dignity in the eyes of cultivated 
 people, increase it ; but there is something petty in 
 the continual torture of language for the sake of 
 
 • St Meurice. 
 i 
 
 V 
 
 I/' 
 
gg -ART OF COJSrVERSATIOJV. 
 
 extracting forced resemblances, wliich is generally 
 well understood^ and indicates the cause why the 
 professional punster is never spoken of, as such, with 
 much respect. It has been thought that as people 
 in the olden time hired their cap-and-bell punsters, 
 while modern society gets its own for nothing, that 
 they are on the increase ; but there is certainly no 
 corresponding increase in the degree of respect which 
 they elicit. 
 
 Good puns are, however, not to be despised. They 
 may point a moral, illustrate a character, and give 
 force and elegance to a compliment. A pun on the 
 incident of the day may have a vast influence, and 
 pass into history as a curious fact. When Charles 
 the Fifth boasted that he could put Paris into his 
 glove (alluding to Ghent,\pr Gand, which was pro- 
 nounced like (/a7i(j a glove), he made, it is true, a 
 poor pun, but illustrated, with characteristic force, 
 not only his power, but also the prosperity of Flan- 
 ders. 
 
 It is well to learn, from jest-books and other 
 sources, what puns and facetious anecdotes are 
 already current in the world. If the reader has 
 any aptitude whatever for such matters, he mH thug 
 
STORIES, JIJVECDOTES, PUJVS. gfj 
 
 be soon sufficiently well-informed to be on his guard 
 against those who would impose on kim the shoddy 
 of wit for its broadcloth. ' Every man," says a 
 writer, " ought to read the jest-books, that he mny 
 not make himself disagreeable by repeating ' old 
 Joes ' as the very last good thing." 
 
90 
 
 ART OF COJSrVERSATW^t 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 •r QUESTIONING. ITS MISAPPLICATION, AND ITS ADVANTAGES Ul 
 CONVEBSATION. 
 
 EVER ask a question to which a 
 reluctant answer may be antici- 
 pated. 
 
 I do not here refer to questions 
 put to satisfy prying curiosity, but 
 rather to a form in which some 
 persons shape much of their con; 
 versation. The habit is one which 
 incessantly involves those who are questioned, in dif- 
 ficulties. Instead of remarking that the weather is 
 fine, the questioner asks if the weather be not fine ? 
 which can be answered only with a commonplace 
 affirmative. Without meaning it, he either puta 
 another in the position of one unable to say any- 
 
OF QUESTIOJVlJsrO, 91 
 
 thing, or compels an unusual amount of thought and 
 evasion. 
 
 The questioner asks at a party, " What do you 
 tliink of Miss A's dress ? " thereby casting all the 
 responsibility of saying anything unfavorable on the 
 other, or at least safely leading him, or her, into 
 the temptation. Many show a great, but not credit- 
 able, ingenuity, in employing questions in such a 
 manner as to make others appear to discredit, and 
 yet seem very little in the wrong themselves. If 
 there be a manifest unwillingness to answer the 
 query, the one putting it will smile significantly, and 
 say: ''Oh — I see;" or, "Ah!— a friend? — I 
 bog pardon." Women of a certain grade of vul- 
 garity seem to think this form of speech very arch, 
 and shrewd, or '' cunning," and employ it freely. 
 It is, in fact, a species of " teasing," and is resorted 
 to as giving the querist a position of ease and supe- 
 riority.* 
 
 Most of my readers have met, or will meet, per- 
 sons who once or oftener in a conversation inquire, 
 vaguely : " What do you think of A., or B. ? " ex- 
 
 * Mr. Chakles Dickens has in the character of '* Rosa Dartle,** 
 in his novel David Copperfieldy set forth, with great skill, manj 
 of the annoying traits of the habitual questioner in coDYersation, 
 
92 -^RT OF COJVTERSATIOJyr 
 
 pecting no news, but hoping for a display of weak- 
 ness or dislike on your part. Such persons are the 
 serpents of society. It is an art to evade them, and 
 with them all impertinent, meddling, and foolish 
 questions. The self-possessed "conversationalist will, 
 however, find it an easy matter to answer with a 
 calm, steady, prolonged gaze, before entering a polite 
 demurrer against being thus witness-boxed. 
 
 Questioning may, however, at times be made a 
 medium of true kindness and courtesy. People are 
 often willing, nay, anxious to communicate informa- 
 tion, but- are unable to do so unless adroitly ques- 
 tioned. A modest man, who will not speak of his 
 own exploits, may be induced to impart much that 
 is interesting, and he will frequently, and perhaps 
 very properly, think he has been entertaining others, 
 and conversing in a highly creditable manner. 
 
 It is necessary to learn the art of asking ques- 
 tions skilfully, but it should not be forgotten that 
 they ought, in most cases, to be prefaced with an 
 excuse or some slight apology. 
 
T^KIJVG LIBERTIES. 
 
 98 
 
 CHAPTER Xli^: i 
 
 TAKDIO LIBERTIES. IMPUDENCE. 8TABIK0. 
 
 HOSE whose conversation is in- 
 spired by courtesy and refined by 
 tf^^^viil jISXs culture, are the last to indulge in 
 the violations of etiquette known 
 as taking liberties. 
 
 There are circles, and those not 
 entirely among the so-called vul- 
 gar, where liberties are continu- 
 ally taken, and where there is even 
 an impression that social intercourse without them 
 would be dull and spiritless. This belief is encour- 
 aged by axioms to the effect that " there is nothing 
 like a little impudence to succeed with the women," 
 '' nothing venture nothing have," " brass is better 
 than gold," and nothing is given without asking." 
 
94 -ART OF COJSrVERSATlOJV. 
 
 The practical meaning of it all is that the modesty 
 of others may be invaded, and the ordinary observan- 
 ces of society freely violated, whenever it suits the 
 pleasure of any one to do so, especially if he can by 
 tact or luck escape punishment. 
 
 Let the young reader determine from the begin- 
 ning that anything which is to be obtained by impu- 
 dence may be secured to much greater advantage by 
 modesty, or at least by a careful observance of all 
 the forms of good breeding, and by respect. Firm- 
 ness and confidence, enterprize and boldness itself, 
 have nothing in common with impudence, and the 
 most daring deeds are best accomplished when the 
 most scrupulous regard to the feelings #f othera 
 which circumstances permit, is observed. 
 
 There are men who cannot take a seat in a piiblio 
 vehicle, who cannot give an order at a hotel table, in 
 a word who can do nothing while observed by others, 
 without displaying the miserable vanity of impudence. 
 They ask the simplest questions with the air of " con- 
 fidence men," and read a newspaper with a pitiable 
 expression of conceit and insolence. They are quick 
 to take Dfience, for they are aware that they are fre- 
 quently observed and understood by their superiors 
 
TAKIJ^TG LIBERTIES 95 
 
 in good breeding, even among those whom they treat 
 as inferiors, and the consciousness makes them irri- 
 table. To remedy this they take liberties apd defy 
 the consequences. 
 
 A very common form of vulgar impudence is the 
 staring at ladies. To do so in any public place ia 
 ungentlemanly, but to avail oneself of a vicinity 
 which circumstances render unavoidable, is contemp- 
 tible. The man who will stare continually at a lady 
 across a hotel-table, or in an omnibus, deserves to be 
 arrested. Ignorant young men frequently do this 
 under the impression that it is not really disagree- 
 able to the other sex and that they are in fact pay- 
 ing a species of compliment. Could they know the 
 vexation and annoyance which is often masked under 
 the air of calmness with which their insolence is re- 
 ceived, they would think differently. I have heard 
 at a hotel, of instances in which ladies delayed their 
 meals for hours ; subjected themselves to many an- 
 noyances and even left the house in order to avoid 
 the presence of some conceited puppy who possibly 
 imagined that he was recommending himself to their 
 good graces. 
 
 I have known a man who moved " in the first cir- 
 
96 ART OF COJVVERSATIOJV. 
 
 cleSj" to intrude into a private opera-box and take a 
 front seat accidentally left vacant, which he was per- 
 mitted to retain, since each of the two parties in the 
 box supposed he was a friend of the other, when in 
 fact none of them were acquainted with the fellow. 
 It is difficult to comprehend that the temporary ad- 
 vantafire derived from such conduct could counterbal- 
 
 o 
 
 ance the permanent contempt excited when the full 
 nature of his impudence was finally understood by 
 all. Yet a liberty of this nature is of the kind 
 which many persons regard as rather funny and par- 
 donable. 
 
 Never infringe on any properly established regu- 
 lation be it what it may. A young lady may be aa 
 dashing a Di Vernon as ever lived, and a girl of the 
 utmost spirit, originality and independence, without 
 plucking flowers in public places where it is for- 
 bidden, or asking questions which she knows will 
 be reluctantly answered, or intruding where she is 
 not wanted, and young men may in correspond mg 
 manner behave themselves with all regard to the feel- 
 ings of other people without incurring the slightest 
 suspicion of '' slowness." 
 
 Always discourage forwardness in others and bo 
 
TJiRlJ\rG LIBERTIES. ^ 
 
 .ireluctant to grant favors or patronage to impudent 
 
 i /people. For all creditable employments they are 
 
 1/ less fitted than the well bred and firm, while their 
 
 // honesty is always questionable. Insolence is of it- 
 
 I self a lack of conscience as regards the rights of 
 
 others 
 
9H 
 
 ART OF noj\rvEBsaTT:)jr. 
 
 CHAPTER Xn. 
 
 Of JLXGUMSirr in CONTEBSATION. of M» who ABE ** ALTTATI 
 
 IN TDE Riam 
 
 ARNEST argument should be avoid- 
 ed in society or before a third per- 
 son. To prove yourself in the right 
 is to show that another is in the 
 wrong. It is ill-bred to do this be- 
 fore witnesses, and it is courteous to 
 avoid it, so far as is possible, at any 
 time. 
 
 Men are much more given to " argument " than 
 women, and are far less sensible of its absurdity. 
 It is well to reason with oneself as much as possi- 
 ble, but. little, beyond a display of vanity, is gained 
 in debating a point with another. 
 
 For a man or woman of intellect to seriously ar- 
 
AR G UMEJ>rT IJ\r COJVVER SA TIOJST. 99 
 
 gue a point with one of inferior mind, experience, 
 or culture, is ridiculous. 
 
 If you are known to hold firmly established views 
 on any subject, beware of conversing much on it, 
 except with those who perfectly agree with you. 
 You will not aid your cause or yourself by dlspiit- 
 ing over it. If you are boldly attacked, respectable 
 people will give you much more credit for gracefully 
 evading a strife of opinions, than for entering upon 
 it. Ladies who have a true claim to the name, in- 
 variably appreciate and admire such conduct in a 
 man. Much more skill and sagacity may be shown 
 in refusing to argue, than in so doing ; the one who 
 Becks to escape having the great advantage of being 
 able to make his adversary appear determined to 
 be disagreeable and discourteous. 
 
 The inconvenience of having a guest given to ar- 
 gument, and one who continually proves himself to 
 be in the right, is well illustrated by a French story 
 which I translate, and which may serve as a les'soL 
 for all conceited and disputative men. 
 
 *' The author of the poem Des Saisons — ^ The 
 treasons — the Marquis do Saint Lambert, intro- 
 duced one day to the celebrated Madame Geoffrin, 
 who assembled at her house the first men of letters 
 
iOO -^^^ OF COJVVERSATlOJr. 
 
 of her time^ an estimable man 9f learning, known 
 dj many excellent works which he had written on 
 political economy. 
 
 " Madame Geoffrin received him kindly, — as she 
 did every one, — and then the recommendation of 
 the Marquis de Saint Lambert was, with her, of 
 great influence. 
 
 " For three months the poet's protegd never 
 failed to be present at the lady's receptions, and no 
 one complained of his company, since he was a man, 
 not only of learning, but of taste. One day, how- 
 ever, when about to enter, a servant stopped him at 
 the door, and said with great gravity : 
 
 *' ' Madame cannot see you to-day.' 
 
 '' ^ How — she is gone out ? But I see Monsieur 
 Morellet enter — ^ and Monsieur Thomas. Why, 
 there is the Abbe Delille, humming an air at the 
 window. — Ha ! good day, Monsieur 1' Abbe ! How 
 is our dear lady to-day ? I'm sure she's at home.' 
 
 " ' Madame, sir, cannot see you.' 
 
 " 'But is she ill, then? Of course not, since I 
 hear Diderot's Ipud laugh, and if Madame Geoffrin 
 were not in health — ' 
 
 " ' Sir, I beg your pardon a thousand times, but 
 I have simply to say that madame cannot see you.* 
 
ARGUMEJVT IJ^ COJVVERSATIOjyT. IQl 
 
 '' This argument was irresistible, and the authoi 
 bowed to the servant — for a true philosopher is po- 
 lite to every one - - and went next day to his patron 
 to tell him of the event of yesterday. 
 
 " He could make nothing of his strange recep- 
 tion. Had he committed some blunder? Had he 
 permitted himself to say something indiscreet or 
 inconvenient ? The author endeavored, but in vain, 
 to show that he had been in the wrong, in order to 
 prove that Madame Geoffrin was in the right. Saint 
 Lambert listened to the end, and only interrupted 
 the eloquent pleading with the words, ' you are in 
 the right, my friend ; a thousand times in the right.' 
 When he had concluded, Saint Lambert took from 
 the chimney-piece a letter, of which he broke the 
 seal, and presented it to his protege, inviting him to 
 read it. The latter urged a few scruples, but finally 
 opened the letter. It was signed by Madame Geof- 
 frin, and, addressed to the Marquis de Saint Lam- 
 bert, contained the following lines : 
 
 " ' I close my door, my dear marquis, on your 
 
 learned M. B ; should I see him often, I should 
 
 bo vexed to death ; and, thank heaven, I am still a 
 little attached to life^ thanks to your friendship and 
 to that of a few of the faithful who resemble you 
 
102 -^RT OF coj^vehsatiojv. 
 
 Your M. B is, in short, intolerable — he is al- 
 ways in the right ! ' 
 
 *' These few words at once explained every thing 
 to the learned man, and Saint Lambert, as wo are 
 assured, gave him a long lecture on the danger of 
 being always in the right, and on the necessity of 
 being sometimes in the wrong. A man who never 
 risks a mere opinion, who always bases himself on a 
 logical foundation, on reason, and truth, must.be 
 very annoying. 
 
 " The learned author at once changed his system 
 of tactics, and soon re-entered the good graces of 
 
 Madame Geoffrin. M. B kept his word. He 
 
 became one of the most amusing men of the circle 
 whence he had been exiled ; and his conversation, 
 bristling with paradoxes and odd caprices of wit and 
 humor, ensured him many successes. He became 
 one of the most perfect men of the world of his time, 
 without in the least losing his reputation as a politi- 
 cal economist." 
 
 In France the manifestation of a fixed determina- 
 tion to argue^ is very properly regarded as rude. 
 Even in inferiol* society we may hear uttered, as a 
 reproach : " Tiens ! — il veut avoir du raison ! '' 
 '' Ah ! he wishes to prove himself to be in the 
 
AR G UME ATT JJV COJ^-VER SJl TIOJV 103 
 
 right ! " Those who have seen a whole dinner- 
 party made uncomfortable by two desperate debaters ; 
 or who have heard, in a party, voices loud in dispute^ 
 while the hostess, seriously annoyed or grieved, al- 
 most struggled with tears at the interruption to the 
 harmony of the meeting ; will agree with me that 
 argument in society is indeed misplaced. It is wrong 
 to be always in the right. 
 
104 ART OF COJ^VERSATIOJf. 
 
 CHAPTER XHL 
 
 Of IHB ETPLUEKCB 0? WOMEN OK CONTERSATIOK. MARBTtn 
 
 HE most celebrated groups of ge- 
 nius which the world has ever seen, 
 may have consisted exclusively of 
 men, but they have always been 
 formed around a woman. 
 
 From the days when all the in 
 tellect of Greece gathered about 
 Aspasia, down to the French sa- 
 lons of the last century, each with 
 its beautiful or witty cnryphcba, or centre of the 
 chorus, we find that when conversation has at any 
 period been raised to a high degree of culture, and 
 exerted a decided influence on the spirit of the age, 
 it has owed its development in a great degree to wo- 
 men. 
 
THE LYFLUEJ^CE OF WOMEJV. 105 
 
 The ability displayed by Dr. Johnson and Oliver 
 Goldsmith in conversation was due to their own ge 
 nius, but their many defects of rudeness, or of eccen- 
 tricity, may be fairly attributed to a want of famil- 
 iarity in early life with women of culture and refine- 
 ment. The best part of Lord Chesterfield's wit and 
 polish, was derived as he himself tells us, from assid- 
 uously frequenting the society of ladies. 
 
 Every well educated, amiable and witty woman 
 who has fully acquired " the art of society," has it 
 in her power to exercise, in connection with hospital- 
 ity, a very great influence on the world around her, 
 and to do much good. It is not enough for the 
 scholar, the artist, and others of retired habits to 
 meet with friends among women — they also require 
 intercourse with cultivated society where they may 
 rub off the rust of retirement, and realize with pleas- 
 ure that they are really in the world, and of it. 
 When drawn together around an accomplished hos- 
 tess their thoughts are more readily refined, and the 
 rough diamonds of their knowledge are cut and pol- 
 ished into the most attractive forms. 
 
 Such women intuitively comprehend their mis- 
 sion, and recognize that its chief duty is to be agree- 
 able to all^ and to elicit from each a display of hia 
 6« 
 
106 ART OF COJVVERSATIOJV, 
 
 best qualities. They are consequently courteona and 
 attentive to all who are presented to them. The 
 young collegian or clerk, the retiring youth who has 
 seldom attracted notice from other women, is often 
 astonished and gratified to find himself an object of 
 kind interest to some far-famed belle or brilliant lady- 
 leader of society, whom he had supposed far too ele- 
 vated by adulation to bestow on him more than ordi- 
 nary civilities. He does not know that it is her 
 pride to make something graceful out of such raw 
 material as his mind presents, and that the more a 
 woman is elevated by her own abilities, the more 
 widely do her rays shine on all. 
 
 It is under the auspices of such women that con- 
 versation ; the art which of all others conduces to 
 make social intercourse agreeable ; is most p(?i'fectly 
 developed. The beneficial influence which they ex- 
 ert is in consequence incalculable. The eminent 
 statesman, the great clergyman, the celebrated poet, 
 may imagine that the evenings spent in chatting 
 with an accomplished lady and her friends have been 
 passed in mere amusement, but they aie mistaken 
 Genial influences are the most conducive to fresh ex- 
 ertions of genius. Original ideas are more rapidly 
 developed in the summer of cultivated society than 
 in the winter of solitude. 
 
THE IJVFLUEA^CE OF WOMEJ^. IQ? 
 
 It is a duty -which every one owes to himself to 
 seek the society of such women, nor is it less the 
 duty of every lady who is conscious of possessing 
 ability, to exert it so as to assemble those who may 
 be thereby benefitted Let her endeavor by reading, 
 to qualify herself to converse intelligently with every 
 one, and banish from her manner all vanity, and 
 every tendency to say anything disagreeable, so that 
 only pleasant impressions may be left in all. If she 
 do this successfully, she may rest assured that she 
 does not live in vain. 
 
 It is to be regretted that in England and in Amer- 
 ica " the world" seems to think that refined social 
 intercourse can only exist when favored by wealth. 
 To pass an evening pleasantly there must be, . for 
 many, a supper, expensive dresses, and the costly 
 preparations which give a festival air to such assem- 
 blages. Many women who are personally in every 
 way well qualified to do incalculable good, exclude 
 themselves, in consequence of limited means, from 
 society, and confine their influences to the domestic 
 circle. The result is that ladies when married, and 
 when their minds are expanding in culture and ex 
 perience, find themselves too frequently shut out 
 from their proper sphere, while mere boys and miss- 
 
108 -^RT OF COjYVERSATIOJST. 
 
 es, in certain circles, constitute and control society i 
 Intellect is transferred from the head to the heels, and 
 when we ask what is discussed at parties, the appro- 
 priate answer would be, •' people dance." 
 
 This will be remedied, and conversation will be- 
 come what it should, when the silly spirit of osten- 
 tation is subdued, and people learn that it is possi- 
 ble to receive friends without turning their homes 
 into restaurants. A lady who receives company has 
 enough to do in attending to her guests, and in pro- 
 moting conversation among them, without the addi- 
 tional anxiety lest a supper be well served, and lest 
 servants should blunder. Our American married la- 
 dies complain, and justly, that they lose social influ- 
 ence when they gain the wedding ring, but it is in 
 their own power to remedy the evil. Let them re- 
 ceive their friends freely without feeding them. In 
 our large cities, receptions without " refreshments," 
 or with very little, are already doing much good, but 
 through the country the old-fashioned ideas of '' par- 
 ties " and what they should be, are still prevalent. 
 
 Young men for their part should remember that 
 excellence in conversation, and refined manners, arc 
 most readily acquired by the " temperate," and that 
 the man is to be pitied who cannot enjoy social in- 
 
THE LNFLUEJ^CE OF WOMEJV, 109 
 
 tcrcourse without eating and drinking. He whc 
 would influence others, must not himself be influ- 
 enced by appetite. The lowest orders, it is true, can- 
 not imagine a cheerful assembly without the attrac 
 tions of the table, and this reflection should induce 
 all who aim at intellectual culture to endeavor to 
 avoid placing the choicest phases of social life on 
 such a basis. 
 
 It is almost needless to advise young men to cul- 
 tivate the society of ladies. This counsel is every 
 where given. But the reader should remember that^ 
 to use a French expression, •' there are women and 
 women," or, that there are very great differences in 
 " the sex." A young woman who never cultivates 
 her mind, whose reading is confined to second-rate 
 novels, whose conversation runs principally on other 
 people's affairs, and whose remarks have for the most 
 part a tone of jeering flippancy and depreciation 
 may be a subject for occasional amusement, but is 
 utterly unfit to be a friend or companion to any ra- 
 tional man, and least of all to a man who is steadily 
 determined to improve in every way his heart and 
 intellect, and to rise in the world. Fortunately it is 
 seldom needful to choose between such female friends 
 or none. He who reads much, who expresses him- 
 
110 -ART OF COJVVERSATIOM, 
 
 self well, and who talks no scandal, will, if he make 
 every effort, soon find congenial society. 
 
 Conversation with intelligent married ladies of any 
 age, who have seen much of the world, is therefore 
 to be strongly commended to all who would improve 
 their minds and manners. To gain a good wife one 
 should study good wives. "He w ho would the 
 daughl£i;jKiiL,." says an excellent proverb, "rauaj;^ 
 with t he mojher first begin." Ey beginning in so- 
 cial intercourse from above instead of from below, one 
 is far more likely to meet with young ladies who are 
 really worth knowing, than if he devote his leisure 
 hours to idle chat with girls who take no interest in 
 any object of real intellectual value. 
 
DISAGREEABLE SUBJECTS. 
 
 Ill 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 OF DISAGREEABLE SUBJECTS IN CONVEESATION. 
 
 HE reader will frequently be re- 
 minded in society of the remark, 
 attributed I believe to Dr. Samuel 
 Johnson, that " nice persons have 
 frequently nasty ideas." I do 
 not refer to immoral or indecent, 
 but to disagreeable subjects, or at 
 least to such as it is well to avoid 
 if possible. 
 
 To be scrupulously cleanly in every respect should, 
 with a well bred man, be so much a matter of habit 
 as to seldom occupy his thoughts when not engaged 
 in its duties. But there are people so self conscious 
 of their neatness as to make a constant parade of 
 their customs in this respect. They will talk in any 
 
112 JlRT OF COJVVERSATIOK. 
 
 society of the details of their toilette, and descant on 
 the advantages to be derived from cold water as 
 though it were a new invention. Others are fond of 
 discussing their own ailings, and will describe a dys- 
 ^P^sia or liver-complaint at any time to almost any 
 body. Some will enter upon such unpleasant per- 
 sonal details with an apology, while others with still 
 greater caution contrive under the guise of an ex- 
 cuse for not fulfilling an engagement, to give the full 
 particulars of the maladies which prevented attend- 
 ance. 
 
 Can it really interest any one to know that a per- 
 son has an excellent or an indifferent appetite, and 
 does it never occur to others that it is seldom agree- 
 ^ able to a guest to be informed before company that 
 he is eating very little ? Is it less polite than it 
 would be to exclaim, '' why, how much you are eat- 
 ing ! " When a lady carefully informs all present 
 that she seldom requires much food, does it suggest 
 to those who are even slightly acquainted with phy- 
 siology, any agreeable associations, and does it prove 
 anything except that she neglects to exercise and to 
 otherwise take proper care of her health ? 
 
 We all know that dental operations, the sufferings 
 endured from tight boots, the offensive conduct of 
 
DISAGREEABLE SUBJECTS, US 
 
 bad servants, children's teethings, the effects of medi- 
 cines, casualties and deaths, must not onlj occur, but 
 also be more or less discussed. But many people 
 who are bj no means absurdly fastidious naturally 
 avoid all such subjects of annoyance in conversation, 
 while others, in proportion to the vulgarity of their 
 minds, introduce them and dwell upon them. There 
 is of course nothing so easy as to prove the neces- 
 sity of talking on such matters, but it is very cer- 
 tain that refined people instinctively avoid a griev- 
 ance, or a personal detail, and experience no incon- 
 venience from so doing. 
 
 I trust that the hints given in this chapter will 
 be borne in mind by the young reader not merely 
 *' in society," but among his most familiar associ 
 ates. The habit of talking on disagreeable and per- 
 sonal topics is generally formed among intimate com- 
 panions, and when formed is apt to betray itself at 
 all times. As with all •subjects for reform, it should 
 be attended to in the root, and not in the branches. 
 
114 
 
 ART OF COJSrVERSATIOJSf 
 
 CHAPTER XV 
 
 XHB PARADOX IN CONVEESATION. 
 
 OMMON -PLACE, steady men, 
 talking among themselves, may 
 be very well amused with " regu- 
 lar stories," perhaps with long 
 ones, and with old-fashioned jokes. 
 But with women, and volatile 
 men of the world, such formal 
 fun finds little favor. Again, an 
 anecdote which would set the ta- 
 ble in a roar at the Club, will be but indifferently 
 received at a " reception," even though whispered 
 to dames who are anything but prudes, and though 
 the jest in itself be anything but improper. 
 
 " Why is this ? " Has the reader never observed 
 that women who enjoy humor such as pleases men 
 
THE PARADOX. 115 
 
 invariably resemble men in other respects, as regards 
 habits of thought ? Let him therefore think twice I \ 
 before he ventures to offer to ladies the same fun 
 which has already had a brilliant success among his 
 male friends. > 
 
 Compliments in a witty or droll form are, as I 
 have said, always acceptable to every one. A para- 
 dox is also almost invariably sure to at least pass as 
 worth hearing. It is something which, while con 
 trary to received opinion, or seemingly absurdj is 
 true in fact, and of a truth which is at once felt by 
 all to whom it is addressed. To say, for instance, of 
 a la dy's face in a picture gallery that it represents 
 eith ^the ugliest of all t he beauties, or the mo^t 
 ^ ^arming of alLthe plain women, is a paradox which 
 may contain much truth relative to the character of 
 one of those peculiar countenances which attract us ; 
 we know not why. It is a paradox to say that noth- 
 ing lies so much as facts, unless it be figures, since 
 these, while acknowledged to be the most accurjjte 
 means of presenting truths, are also very extensively 
 used in reports to falsify them. " There is no fool 
 like a wise fool," " Men who are willing to die in 
 the last ditch for their country, are generally care- 
 ful to avoid the first," are all tolerable paradoxes 
 
116 -ART OF COJ^VERSATIOJS". 
 
 Sometimes a paradox occurs in the form of an an 
 swer. " Did you ever see such a diamond?" in- 
 quired a lady, referring to an enormous imitatii 
 brilliant in a jeweller's window. "Not since I 
 visited a glass-factory," was the reply. "I can 
 read you like a book," said an illiterate person, 
 rudely to a girl. '' I should think so," she quietly 
 replied. 
 
 The paradox is easily cultivated, and when made 
 on a topic of any importance, is not unfrcqucntly 
 very suggestive of sound reflections. The mind 
 may be trained to form it as readily as the pun ; but 
 it has this great advantage over the latter, that it 
 may involve almost any thought whatever, while the 
 pun is a mere play upon words and sound. 
 
 The paradox is* not an element of first class im- 
 portance in conversation. It should not be very fre- 
 quently repeated, and it cannot be sustained for any 
 length of time, save in humorous argument. But it 
 should be cultivated as a means of presenting, in a 
 spirited form, thoughts which would otherwise sound 
 very commonplace. 
 
 There are those, however, who abuse this form of 
 thought and of expression ; as, for instance, men 
 who, having satisfied themselves by much special 
 
THE PARADOX. 117 
 
 studj and research that some generally received 
 opinion is false, or that some popular idol had his se- 
 cret faults, frequently, in mixed society, startle and 
 confound people of very ordinary attainments, with 
 their novel views. When the paradox in this form 
 is launched at a person of equal ability, no objec- 
 tion can be raised, save the proviso that there shall 
 be no heated argument, unbecoming general society. 
 But it is unkind and cowardly to unsettle or demol- 
 ish the perfectly harmless faith or opinions of those 
 who are inadequately provided with powers of re- 
 partee. 
 
 The urging of paradoxes in this extreme form, 
 especially among those who are not accustomed to 
 them, not unfrequently fails entirely to produce the 
 effect anticipated. I may quote, for example, a gen- 
 tleman who spent an evening in astonishing a circle 
 of young ladies by abusing General Washington. 
 He flattered himself that he had created a sensation 
 — the only result was a very natural suspicion as to 
 his sanity 
 
118 
 
 ART OF C0JWERS£TIOJ>r 
 
 CHAPTER XVL 
 
 01 SELFISHNESS IN TRITLES. SMALL SACBIFIGEB. 
 
 MAN can go well through the 
 world, succeed in society, or be- 
 come an adept in conversation, un- 
 less he learn to sacrifice selfishness 
 in many little things to the com- 
 fort of others. 
 
 It is true that accomplished men 
 of the world are often intensely 
 selfish beings. But they have the 
 shrewd tact to yield in trifles, while some of the 
 most generous people will, through mere inertness 
 and moral laziness, never think of giving up or 
 making way, for the convenience of others. 
 
 With many women — not all — great acts of gen- 
 erosity, and noble deeds are regarded as obvious du- 
 
SELFISHJV'ESS IJST TRIFLES. 119 
 
 tics, while little sacrifices and trivial courtesies 
 have that sweetest of aromas — the incense of vol- 
 untary active homage. Hence it comes that men 
 who are known to be cruel, unprincipled, depraved 
 and heartless, are often greatly liked by ^' very nice" 
 girls — to the great astonishment of male friends 
 who, having exposed the character of " the villain," 
 expect to see him at once detested. These excellent 
 persons do not know that to superficial women, 
 whatever their moral education may have been, 
 great virtues are always a little below the heroic 
 standard in value, while small virtues are very 
 great. It is the old story of the two sexes — the 
 one dealing only in large notes and paying heavy 
 bills, so that he expects every one to recognize the 
 value of money, and the other familiar with nothing 
 but the constant rattle of small change. 
 
 But however good and virtuous and great a man 
 may be, he is very far from being excused on that 
 account from making every efibrt to excel in little 
 virtues, and in those small sacrifices of comfort 
 which are really oifered to urbanity. If bad men 
 make themselves attractive, good men should beat 
 them at their own weapons, and there is no rea- 
 son why they should not. The world is rapidly 
 
120 -^^r OF COJ\rVERSATIOj\ 
 
 losing all its respect for that ungainly and uncouth 
 Puritanism which in its excess of zeal for grace, lost 
 all sight of the graces. No degree of moral purity 
 can afford the slightest excuse for a man's feeding to 
 gross excess at a table, displaying meanwhile in hia 
 conversation little save conceited boorishness, snub- 
 bing his hostess ^t intervals, insulting his fellow 
 guests in the style of Dr. Johnson and other emi- 
 nent Englishmen, and finally rolling off to an easy 
 chair to ruminate at leisure until the hour arrived to 
 deliver his evening discourse. Yet such is the pic- 
 ture which is drawn of one of the most popular 
 English preachers of the present day, and it would 
 apply to many others of less note. Such examples 
 have the worst possible effect on the young who 
 are shrewd enough to feel that there is, and should 
 be, a connection between refinement, courtesy, and 
 all true goodness, and that selfishness and boor- 
 ishness are as wicked in their ultimate effects on oth- 
 ers, as the breaking any precept in the Decalogue. 
 
 The man of talent, far from being excused from 
 cultivating courtesy and small unselfish traits, is the 
 very one who should lead in such accomplishments. 
 Jn the first place, as I have already intimated, all 
 ability is most perfectly matured and develcpcd b^ 
 
SELFISHJV'ESS IJV TRIFLES. 125 
 
 intercourse with society. And in the second place, 
 the man of great intellectual power is the one of all 
 others who should excel in making himself and those 
 ■whom he may meet, mutually agreeable. Some of 
 the most brilliant men who ever trod the floor of 
 a parlor, have been " mere scholars," and members 
 of a class which is habitually spoken of among those 
 who are ignorant of its highest types as " pedantic " 
 and ignorant of the world. 
 
 One of the most agreeable of small sacrifices 
 which can be made at an evening party, for the sake 
 of the hostess and for the promotion of gayety, is to 
 distribute the conversation. It is doubtless very com- 
 fortable to get in1;o a quiet corner with a brilliant 
 beauty, or "a lady-comrade of established liking," 
 and flirt or laugh away with her till supper time. 
 But if one does so, all must — with somebody. 
 Hence the establishment of "barricades" — 'those 
 settled groups, which cannot be broken up, and 
 which are the horror of all who detest a stiff party. 
 They gather chair by chair till the whole room be- 
 comes impenetrable, and any person who is in the 
 charmed circle is to you as " unattainable as the 
 stars." In such a fixed condition appeal to the 
 friend with whom you are conversing, or call jcrar 
 
122 -^RT OF COJ>>rVERSATIOJ\r. 
 
 hostess to counsel, and you will soon thaw the frozen 
 stream. No lady who knows much of society will 
 think that weariness of her conversation induces a 
 gentleman who knows his duties to the world, to take 
 leave of her after a prolonged interview, nor will 
 any gentleman suffer his vanity to be piqued should 
 she manifest a willingness to converse with others, 
 
 K you have very few acquaintances, make others. 
 This may be readily done by exercising a little tact. 
 It is well to ascertain who are present, from some 
 friend ; the doing so will afford an opportunity to in- 
 timate that some one of them interests you, in which 
 case courtesy will suggest an introduction. It is 
 needless to say that when it devolves on you to make 
 strangers acquainted, you should exercise some dis- 
 cretion, and ascertain, or at least consider, whether 
 it would be mutually agreeable. Those who intro- 
 duce much are good Samaritans in society, those who 
 do so injudiciously are marauders who rush upon 
 travelers and bind them captive, two by two. 
 
 If you know anything of music, you may proper- 
 ly enough ask for an introduction to any lady who 
 has favored those present with a vocal or instrument- 
 al performance. Few singers are sorry to learn that 
 they have made an impression. If there be a maa 
 
SBLFISHJVESS IJ\r TRIFLES, 123 
 
 or woman of celebrity, present, it will be but natu- 
 ral for you to desire an acquaintance. If you are 
 in any degree intimate with your entertainer, you 
 would show a kindness which will be appreciated, by 
 intimating a desire to be introduced to any present ; 
 especially to any ladies ; who seem to be silent and 
 neglected. In the social garden wall-flowers are 
 weeds, but like many weeds they only require a little 
 cult are to take place with the choicer blooms. 
 
 If you are invited to pass an evening at any place 
 never be one of those who are absent on account of 
 unfavorable weather. Then, if ever, you should 
 make every exertion to fulfil the promise given in 
 your acceptance. A sacrifice of this nature is al- 
 ways appreciated. If your circumstances be moder- 
 ate, and it should be the occasion of expense which 
 you can ill afibrd, regard it as a debt of honor which 
 must be paid, and save it out of some other expendi- 
 ture. Remember that in any case it will not have 
 cost you so much as it will the lady or gentleman to 
 whose kindness you owe the invitation. 
 
124 
 
 ART OF COJ\rVERSATIOJr 
 
 CHAPTER XVn. 
 
 OF CONVERSATION AT DINNER -PARTIEB, 
 
 HEN guests are strangers tc 
 each other, a dinner-party 
 is the severest test as to the 
 ability possessed by each to 
 converse well. 
 
 Sometimes we may know 
 from the character of the host 
 or hostess, or of "the house," 
 that of those who assemble 
 there. It may be " ultra-fashionable," " moderately 
 fashionable," or ',' rather fashionable." It may be 
 *' extremely conservative," '' highly respectable, or 
 * very respectable," and again it may be one of the 
 numerous crosses of two or more of these. It may 
 be based on rising wealth with new affiliations through 
 
DIJVJSrER-PARTIES. 125 
 
 the younger branches, or by marriage, to the respect- 
 able and fashionable, and it may consist of nice; 
 quiet people, forming a sort of unknown island, which 
 maintains very little communication with the great 
 continent of society. It may be diplomatic, or only 
 political, and it may be sectarian. The lady of the 
 house may have been deeply steeped in Parisian 
 French, while her husband is as decidedly immersed 
 in Pennsylvania German. It may be the party of 
 a rising young professional. man, or that of one who 
 is firmly established in the world ; or of a real es- 
 tate auctioneer, or prominent editor , or it may be 
 military, or naval, or rural. 
 
 If you know thus much of your entertainer, you 
 may probably conjecture something as to the general 
 character of those whom you are invited to meet. 
 Of one thing you may be certain, that the more 
 highly cultivated the guests, and the more decided 
 their cosmopolitanism, the easier will be the inter- 
 course, and the less apparent any want of previous 
 acquaintance among them. There is a freemasonry 
 among men and women of the world which renders 
 a dull dinner impossible. Much tact is often dis- 
 played by the entertainer in seating togethei persona 
 
J 
 
 126 -^I^T OF COJVVERSATIOJV 
 
 of a congenial disposition, who will readily engage 
 in animated conversation, which acts as a stimulus to 
 all around, and is all the more effective since it ren- 
 ers occasional silence less liable to observation. 
 If you are seated by a lady who seems reserved, 
 plunge into ge neralsubje cts and current topics^ tak- 
 ing care, however, to make your beginning apropos 
 to some trifle which the dinner itself cannot fail to 
 suggest. On such occasions, general information on 
 small matters will be of great assistance. Lead your 
 neighbor to speak on some subject with which you 
 may happen to be familiar, and as soon as she dis- 
 plays any familiarity with it, encourage her by cour- 
 teous questions to proceed. If she say but little, 
 talk all the more. There is no soil in which some- 
 thing will not grow if it be properly cultivated, and 
 no woman who will not converse in time. If there 
 be a lion of any degree of celebrity whatever, pres- 
 ent, though he be only the local clergyman, you may 
 appropriately enough ask for information relative to 
 him, or bestow it. Much may be done in ascertain- 
 ing where your fellow guest has travelled, and in in- 
 ducing her to speak of the celebrated persons whom 
 she has seen or met. Avoid all egotism whatever, 
 
DLYJSrER'PARlIES. 127 
 
 direct or implied. Many persons seem to think that 
 among strangers it is necessary to give auto-bio- 
 graphic hints sufficient to show that they are entitled 
 tc consideration. Rely upon it, if you converse well 
 enough to excite interest, the world will soon know 
 everything about you. 
 
 I have presumed an extreme case, and the most 
 trying -which can happen at a dinner,— to be seated 
 by a diffident woman, or, what is the same thing, by 
 an over-cautious person, who for a long time casts on 
 others the burden of the conversation. Absolute re- 
 serve, from any one, under such circumstances, is 
 unpardonable — it is a lack of courtesy to the enter- 
 tainer, and a reproach to the quality of the guests. 
 With any person who is not reserved you should 
 enjoy conversation. If you are possessed of the 
 slightest general knowledge of men and things, of 
 the current topics of the dayToFbooks, or of places, 
 it will be your own fault if you cannot find some- 
 thing to say, and gradually expand it to animated 
 narrative or discussion. Be always on the alert to 
 suppress yourself when you see that your companion 
 is beginning to listen with interest to his own voice ; 
 and when others also begin to listen or to take part 
 
128 -ART OF COJVVERSATIOJ\r. 
 
 in the conversation, be prompt to show them every 
 courtesy and deference. 
 
 Never forget that at a dinner, as on all occasions 
 of hospitality, it is your chief duty to relieve the 
 hostess from every annoyance or care. 
 
 It would be well if those who give dinners ; aa 
 well as their guests ; would bear in mind the follow- 
 ing remarks of a French writer : 
 
 " It must not be imagined that the diuDcr to 
 which you are invited, is simply given for the pur- 
 pose of giving a gross and purely material pleasure ; 
 no, it is to put you in company with persons of con- 
 sideration, and to give you an opportunity to display 
 your intelligence, or cause your good qualities to be 
 appreciated in the species of demi-intimacy which 
 may result from it." 
 
 To which may be added these remarks on dinner 
 parties, and other social meetings, at the present day: 
 
 *' If you have no accurate ideas as to any of the 
 thousand trifles which rise up at every instant when 
 one has entered a saloji, observe in silence, and imi- 
 tate what you see done by well-bred persons. The 
 aristocratic element being that which now prevails at 
 the tables of all respectable families, and in every 
 
DIJVJVER-PARTIES 129 
 
 parlor where good company assembles, it will be 
 easy to do this simply and adroitly, without aiming 
 at 'prodiicing an effect, ^^ * 
 
 It has been said that the table is the touch-stone 
 of a gentleman. lie who may successfully conceal 
 vulgarity in every other phase of life, is sure to 
 betray it almost immediately at dinner. 
 
 * La Viti Elegant 
 BoiHSE. Paris, 1858. 
 
 \ 
 
ISO 
 
 dRT OF COJVVERSATIOM 
 
 CHAPTER XVIIL 
 
 Cr KLBSn PEOPLE. TIMIDITY. ITS CUWL 
 
 jHERE are men "who carry tacitur 
 nity to rudeness. Speech it is 
 said is golden and silence is silver, 
 but such persons turn it to brass. 
 Many young men encourage in 
 this manner a natural defect of 
 moodiness and surliness, thinking 
 that it gives them an air of digni- 
 fied reserve. There could be no 
 greater mistake. When a person has given you no 
 positive cause for desiring to drop his acquaintance 
 you are guilty of great rudeness in compelling him 
 to bear the entire burden of conversation. It is an 
 ill-bred assumption of superiority, and of cynical in- 
 difference to others, such as can find no place either 
 
DJJVJVER'PARTIES, 131 
 
 m the heart or manners of him who would perfectly 
 acquire the humane art of conversation. To endeav* 
 or to create an impression of dignity by mere silence 
 is a confession that the outward appearance is not 
 sustained by the intellect. There are however, many 
 persons, and singularly enough the majority of them 
 are women, who are silent in society and avail them- 
 selves of every art to create the impression that their 
 silence is the result of courteous attention, when in 
 fact they have nothing to say. Among weak and 
 shallow persons of their own calibre their tongues 
 will fly rapidly enough, but with strangers and es- 
 pecially with all who are out of their own "set*' 
 they i re afflicted with a most disagreeable dumb- 
 ness, varied by little " flurries " of mere shallow 
 '' talk." It is remarkable that people of this kind 
 when they eventually find their tongues, are extreme- 
 ly apt to employ them in sustaining differences of 
 opinion and " arguments," which leave on the whole 
 an unpleasant impression. With such persons an 
 accomplished conversationalist may at least practice 
 patience and display good temper. He will often 
 make a highly favorable impression on them, and be 
 afterward astonished to learn it, when no word at the 
 
132 -ART OF COJ\rVERSATIOJ>f. 
 
 time indicated his success. Should he persistently 
 return to the charge he cannot fail to achieve a com- 
 plete victory. 
 
 There are occasional instances of young persona 
 of excellent dispositions and even of high intellec- 
 tual culture^ vrho are afflicted with reserve and bash- 
 fulness to such a degree that it actually becomes a 
 species of mental disease. Parents say of this that 
 " it will wear off," and frequently leave it to cure 
 itself It may indeed outwardly pass away, or be 
 transformed to an affectation of assurance or of im- 
 pudence, but its evil effects are too generally felt 
 even to the end of life, in the want of that calm 
 confidence and well balanced presence of mind, so 
 requisite in all intercourse with our fellow beings. 
 In such cases a study of the art of conversation, with 
 efforts to put into practice its rules in company with 
 a few intimate friends, will be found amply sufficient 
 to effect a cure. 
 / He alone can become a truly accomplished con- 
 versationalist who is gifted with a kind heart, and 
 such a person will always take pleasure in conquer- 
 ing the painful diffidence of others, and in breaking 
 away the limits which separate them from ^* life." 
 
TIMIDITY. ITS CURE. I33 
 
 . Many persons suffer most unjustly under the im- 
 putation of having nothing to say, when the truth 
 is, that few comparative strangers have ever con- 
 versed much with them. I believe it will be found 
 that, in most cases, these " silent women " and 
 *' dumb youths " are far better worth knowing than 
 the majority of chatterers of common-place trifles. 
 
 If you are so unfortunate as to feel a tremor at 
 the thought of encountering strangers in society, re- 
 member that they simply form a collection of per- 
 sons, with whom you would have no difficulty in 
 conversing singly. If you are conscious of possess- 
 ing general information equal to that of those whom 
 you expect to meet, and are yourself respectable 
 as regards personal appearance, venture confidently 
 and calmly on the ordeal. You will soon find it 
 is like learning to swim, and that there is no diffi- 
 culty or danger, even in the first plunge, which is 
 not entirely imaginary. Let nothing deter you, 
 come what may. If in certain circles you meet with 
 people who are unkind enough to be indifferent, or 
 annoy you more directly, take no notice of it ; above 
 all, do nothing to revenge yourself, and console your 
 mind with the indubitable truth, that if you a^oid 
 
134 -ART OF COJSrVERSATIOJSr. 
 
 acting as they have done, the time will come when 
 you will be far their superior as regards the practice 
 of all in " the art of society " which can make you 
 truly esteemed. 
 
 Every evening spent in society is a lesson which, 
 if turned to advantage, may aid your success in life. 
 
CORRECT LAJVGUAGE. 
 
 186 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 OF GOBKEGT LANGUAOB IN CONVEBSATIOIT. 
 
 SPEAK your own language 
 correctly, is to secure the most 
 important aid to success in society. 
 Study the grammar and dic- 
 tionary carefully and continually, 
 but avoid unusual words and high- 
 flown phrases. 
 
 If you have a welf educated 
 f^fiend, ask him, in confidence, to 
 observe and correct your faults of language. If ^ 
 your own education has been defective, and your 
 opportunities for mingling with cultivated persons, 
 limited, you will probably use many expressions 
 which, you will be surprised to learn, are, if not in- 
 correct, at least to be avoided. Do not suppose them 
 
1 
 
 136 ^R'J^ OF COJVVERSATJOjY. 
 
 to be trifles. In good sosiet^z^^ilifiu-slightfist inacc^^ 
 racj in language will be greatly to your disadvan- 
 tage. 1N"6 advantages of person or of fortune, can 
 "entirely counterbalance the effect of a phrase, or 
 of a peculiarity in pronunciation which betrays 
 early ignorance. But if you converse correctlyy 
 you certainly possess an accomplishment which will 
 enable you to sustain a position in any society. 
 When it is once acquired, you need experience no 
 timidity in talking with any person whatever — 
 your language will of itself entitle you to a courte- 
 ous reception. The number of persons whose ex- 
 pressions are entirely free from mistakes, or impro- 
 prieties, is so small, that one belonging to it is sure 
 of respect. 
 
 You would do well to form a class with a few 
 friends, for the purpose of reading aloud by turns 
 some well written works. Select a chapter, and de- 
 termine, by the aid of your dictionary, the proper 
 pronunciation and accent of every word. In the be- 
 ginning, read the separate chapters over at least six 
 times, or oftener, if you are not confident of having 
 perfectly mastered every difficulty which each pre- 
 sents. If there be added to this, practice in writing 
 short " compositions" or essays, to be submittt(d to 
 
CORRECT LAJSTGUAGE^ 137 
 
 the criticism and correction of the whole class, your 
 progress will be rapid. 
 
 It is very difficult to make young persons of cither 
 sex comprehend the positive impropriety of using 
 slang. Its words and phrases are, for the most part, 
 expressive, and occasionally humorous. When we 
 experience difficulty in expressing a thought con- 
 cisely and with point/ a new application of some 
 ■ cant word not unfrequently settles it very promptly. 
 And this latter is indeed the great impediment with 
 which those who would converse correctly, express- 
 ively, and fluently, have to contend. vA^jglan^ 
 _phraseia^redlx J^^J[iftJorJbh^ 
 trouble in Jhinkin^ But for this very reason it 
 should be avoided. Endeavor to exert your inge- 
 nuity in forming some correct equivalent for the 
 1 1 slang expression. Determine what your thought is, 
 and express it in good grammatical language. Re- 
 member that those who converse with the greatest 
 purity, and at the same time most impressively, never 
 employ slang. 
 
 Q The young man who converses readily in^implo 
 
 arid correct language, possesses an accomplishment 
 
 N which cannot fail to aid him materially in the pur- 
 
 \ suit of fortune or of honors. The first indication 
 
X38 -^^^ O^ COJ^VERSATIOJ>r. 
 
 of genius in Henry Clay which led to his advance- 
 ment, was his constant endeavor, while yet a mere 
 l>oy, to express himself with purity and accuracy. 
 Such a habit is generally received by the world aa 
 indicative of strength of character, while slang, bad 
 grammar, and provincial phrases, are often thought 
 to betray the weakness of self-contented vulgarity. 
 
 Ladies frequently use slang phrases, with a slight 
 pause or smile to serve as marks of quotation, or 
 rather as an apology. But to modify a fault is not 
 to remove it. Resolve that you will never use 
 an incorrect, an inelegant, or a vulgar phrase or 
 word, in any society whatever.^ If yoii are gifted 
 with wit, you will soon find that it is easy to give it 
 far better point and force in pure English, than 
 through any other medium, and that brilliant thoughts 
 make the deepest impression when well worded. 
 However great it may be, the labor is never lost 
 which earns for you the reputation of one who habit- 
 ually uses the language of a gentleman, or of a lady. 
 
 It is difficult for those who have not frequent 
 opportunities for conversation with well educated 
 people, to avoid using expressions which are not cur- 
 rent in society, although they may be of common oc- 
 currence in books. As they are often learned from 
 
CORRECT LAJVGUAGE, 139 
 
 Lovels, it will be well for the reader to remember 
 that even in the best of such works, dialogues are 
 seldom sustained in a tone which would not appear 
 affected in ordinary life. This fault in conversation 
 is the most difficult of all to amend, and it is unfor- 
 tunately the one to which those who strive to express 
 themselves correctly, are peculiarly liable. Its effect 
 is bad, for though it is not like slang, vulgar in 
 itself, it betrays an effort to conceal vulgarity. It 
 may generally be remedied by avoiding any word or 
 phrase which you may suspect yourself of using foi: 
 the purpose of creating an effect. Whenever you 
 imagine that the employment of any mere word or 
 sentence will convey the impression that you are! 
 well informed, substitute for it some simple expres- 
 sion. 
 ) ^^f you are not positively certain as to the pronun- 
 ciation of a w^ord, never use it/> If the temptation 
 be great, resist it ; for rely upon it, if there be in 
 your mind the slightest doubt on the subject, you 
 will certainly make a mistake. 
 
 Never use a foreign word when its meaning can 
 be given in English, and remember that it is both 
 rude and silly to say anything to any person who 
 possibly may not understand it. But never attempt, 
 
140 -^-Rr OF coj\rvER8ATioj\r, 
 
 under any circumstances whatever, to utter a foreign 
 word, unless you have learned to pronounce cor- 
 rectly the language to which it belongs. If you have 
 not been able to acquire the tongue, remember that 
 *' French without a Master," or any similar work, 
 will enable any one, with a few hours of careful 
 study, to pronounce at least tolerably. 
 
 Many young men are so ignorant as to believe 
 that the theatre is not only a school for elegant 
 manners, but also for language, and that expressions 
 picked from "genteel comedy" may be properly 
 used in ordinary conversation. I regret that it is 
 not entirely needless to say, that this is a very vul- 
 gar error. Neither in England nor in America does 
 the stage at the present day present anything much 
 better than a gross caricature of good society and of 
 its manners. I would not forbid the theatre, by any 
 means, as a place of amusement, any more than I 
 would a Punch and Judy show ; but after many 
 years of familiarity with the drama, as set forth by 
 its best artists, I can say conscientiously that I re- 
 gard the youth as one to be pitied who derives from 
 it his lessons of life or language. However cornectly 
 an actor may pronounce English, he seldom fails to 
 fall into a strained and exaggerated style of empha- 
 
II 
 
 CORRECT LAJSTGUAGE. 141 
 
 BIS and of action, which, if introduced into daily 
 life, would be simply ridiculous. His business is to 
 intensify all that is extravagant in life, while tb© 
 province of good breeding is to subdue it. 
 
 Do not, however, aim at acquiring a great reputa- 
 tion, or rather notoriety, for using elegant language. 
 Should you do so, you would probably endeavor to 
 sustain it for the sake of display, and could not fail 
 to become affected. The great charm of conversa- 
 tion is to be natural, and this is unavoidably lost to 
 every one who is conscious of exhibiting in a supe- 
 rior manner the medium through which he expresses 
 his thoughts Eemember that wHen according to 
 Whately, we exclaim of an orator: "how elo- 
 quent ! " the true eloquence no longer exists. 
 
SELF EDUCATIOIJ, 
 
QEA^ERAL KJVOWLEDGE 145 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 OF ACQUIRINQ GENERAL KNOWLEDGE. 
 
 NE may converse well at times 
 without displaying knowledge, but 
 still a certain amount of learning 
 is essential to all who would 
 excel in conversation. 
 
 The literary information which 
 enables one to maintain a credita- 
 ble position in social intercourse, 
 is two-fold : — that which results 
 from a regular education, and that which is derived 
 from the casual reading of current literature or 
 through occasional study. 
 
 It is possible for almost every one whose educa- 
 tion has been neglected, to repair the loss to such a 
 degree that it will be unnoticed. To do this, a regu 
 lar plan and steady application are all that is requi 
 site. Knowledge increases knowledge very rapidly 
 Tie who every day adds to his stock, and also reviews 
 
J 46 -^RT OF COJVVERSATIOJV, 
 
 something already learned, will find in time that ha 
 knows more than he has read, for he will have 
 awakened observation and thought. 
 
 THE STUDY OP GEOGRAPHY. 
 
 I will suppose that the reader who is desirous of 
 becoming well informed, has at least mastered the 
 most ordinary branches of a common school educa- 
 tion. Let him, then, review his geography with 
 scrupulous care. Ignorance of the situation of coun- 
 tries and their cities is unpardonable, and such blun- 
 ders in conversation are ridiculous. I have heard a 
 University man, who spoke four or five languages, 
 ask if Sumatra were not in America. In connec- 
 tion with the careful study of geography, one should 
 gather from books of travel, and from history, and 
 from reviews, all the latest information relative tc 
 each country. 
 
 I have already spoken of the advantage to be de- 
 rived from the association together, in a club, of per- 
 sons for improvement in reading. If such a club 
 were also to take up geography, discussing a sepa- 
 rate nation at a meeting, each communicating all 
 that he had read or heard on the subject, there 
 would be little danger of gross ignorance of it. Aa 
 
QEJVERAL KJ\rOWLEDGE. I47 
 
 soon as one nation or country shall have been well 
 discussed, its name should be legibly written on a 
 large sheet, and with it a few leading facts illus- 
 trating its population, language, history, and gov- 
 ernment, ^"IheT^tylo "of the short articles in a 
 gazetteer, which should hang up in the place of 
 meeting till it may be presumed that all are familiar 
 with them. A very extensive knowledge of the' 
 world may be easily gathered, by adhering to the 
 simple rule, whenever you learn anything in refer- 
 ence to a subject, review what knowledge you 
 already have in reference to it. 
 
 THE STUDY OF GRAMMAR. 
 
 The grammar of your native language, as I have 
 already intimated, should be carefully studied. A 
 good, full-sized dictionary should be in your pos- 
 session — the best that money can buy — though to 
 obtain it you should be obliged to sell every book 
 you own except your grammar and your Bible. Re- 
 fer to it continually. Let no day pass without 
 determining from it the meaning and proper pronun- 
 ciation of words with which you are not familiar. 
 But beware, lest, as many do, you suffer the diction* 
 ary to take the place of memory. 
 
148 JlRT OF COJVVERSATIOJV. 
 
 Bear in mind in studying the grammar, that joui 
 object is not simply to commit rules bj heart, and to 
 parse, but to converse and write correctly. 
 
 If you can associate with you, in studying the 
 grammar, one or more friends, it is not impossible 
 that your progress in learning will be much greater 
 than if you were directed by an indifferent teacher. 
 
 After becoming somewhat familiar with the gene- 
 ral principles of the language, it will be time to be- 
 gin to read aloud from authors noted for their purity 
 of style. For this purpose, I recommend Gold- 
 smith's " Vicar of Wakefield," Washington Irving' 3 
 writings, '' The Spectator/' and Macaulay's "Es- 
 says," and " History of England." Observe, while 
 reading, the agreement of the precepts of your 
 grammar with the sentences which you follow. Re- 
 member, that by devoting regular hours to study, 
 and by frequently reviewing and understanding 
 thoroughly every page, before you undertake a sin- 
 gle new paragraph, you must inevitably succeed. 
 
 Having done this for a short time, you may begin 
 tc write according to the rules laid down in the 
 ensuing chapter. Your study of grammar will now 
 begin in earnest, and you cannot fail to realize, daj 
 by day, its great practical utility. 
 
LITERARY COMPOSITIOM 
 
 149 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 Of SELF-INSTRUCTION IN LITERARY COMPOSITION, OR WRITING. 
 
 T HAS been said that whoever can 
 talk well, can write. It might be 
 added, that if one can write ele- 
 gantly, it will be sure to exert a 
 favorable influence on his conversa- 
 tion. 
 
 If a young man has had absolutely 
 no practice whatever in committing 
 his thoughts to paper, he would do 
 well to obtain some simple and well written work 
 and copij from it until the general forms of expres- 
 sion become familiar to him. Letters are excellent 
 subjects for such practice. Having done this till 
 he has filled a few quires, let him form a few 
 reflections of as natural a character as though he 
 
150 -^^^ OF COJVVERSATIOJ^l. 
 
 were telling something to a friend, and note them on 
 a slate. From these he should write a letter ; and, 
 what is of greater importance, should then re- 
 write it, with the utmost care, at least once. I 
 have observed that unpractised letter-writers are 
 always perfectly satisfied with the first efibrt. 
 
 Epistolary writing is an art which rapidly culti- 
 vates the mind. It is said that during the Revolu- 
 tionary war, men who were at its beginning very 
 ignorant of composition, yet who were raised to offi- 
 ces which obliged them to correspond extensively, 
 became excellent writers. It has the advantage of 
 being the easiest road to ready expression. 
 
 By writing on a great variety of -subjects, and by 
 the occasional introduction of humor into composi- 
 tion, the student will rapidly improve in the manage- 
 ment of language, and his letters will be received 
 and read with pleasure. It will be found well worth 
 the while to enter into a book, from time to time, 
 subjects to introduce into correspondence. 
 
 When confident that you can write a good letter, 
 correctly, (and not before,) you may begin to com- 
 mit your thoughts to paper in the form of " compo- 
 Bitions." Do not begin by selecting "Love," or 
 * Ambition, "^^as a subject. Rather describe, as ao 
 
LITERARY COMPOSITION. \^\ 
 
 cttrateiy as possible, scenes which yoa^Jia^fe—wit^ 
 
 nessecl7~and events which have_come under your 
 observation. Let your language be plain and sim- 
 ple, such as you would like to hear from a friend in 
 conversation, and endeavor to use short words. 
 " Fine writing,'' as it is called, is rapidly going out 
 of fashion, and " sensational " efforts are peculiar to 
 the vulgar. So far as it is possible, write as you 
 should talk, and talk as you would write. 
 
 Read aloud what you have written. Many defects 
 will then be perceived which had before escaped your 
 observation. If you have a literary friend who will 
 kindly correct your efforts, submit without argu- 
 ment to his revision ; and be certain that in asking 
 him for advice you do not, like most young writers, 
 merely mean admiration. Rely upon it that it will 
 be long enough before you deserve the latter. If 
 you can, after months of constant labor, avoid errors 
 in writing, you may congratulate yourself on having 
 advanced rapidly. 
 
 Literary composition is of all arts the one best 
 adapted to bring our thoughts and our knowledge 
 into a useful form, and to improve our language. 
 Yet most persons have a great dislike to spending 
 time in steady labor over it, and especially to care- 
 
152 -^RT OF COJ\rVEBSATIOJ)r. 
 
 fullj correcting with the grammar and dictionary 
 what thej have written. Many of those who have 
 made a crude beginning, which has possibly been 
 admired by a few friends, must needs " rush into 
 print," and editors are in consequence seriously an- 
 noyed by entreaties for encouragement from thoso 
 whose manuscripts would not bear the revision of 
 any'governess who is qualified for her calling. 
 
 I would however encourage every one to culti- 
 vate the art of writing so far as to be able to " pen 
 an article for the press " when there is an occasion 
 to do so. Such opportunities continually present 
 themselves in America, and may frequently be 
 turned to advantage. Every young man may expect 
 to be on a committee where his services as secretary 
 will entitle him to esteem. No one knows but that 
 the time may come when he will be glad to be able 
 to prepare a petition, a report, or a series of resolu- 
 tions. ^ 
 
 The student should by all means obtain some ele- 
 mentary work teaching the principles of English 
 composition, and study it carefully. It is better to 
 do this, however, after he shall have made some 
 progress in mere copying and corresponding, lest he 
 be embarrassed at the same time by the labor of 
 
LITERARY COMPOSITION". 153 
 
 writing, and of forming his thoughts. Parker's 
 Exercises is to be commended for this purposCj but 
 if it is not to be procured, anj schoolmaster or book- 
 seller will doubtless aid the student to obtain some 
 other work on the same subject. The Elements of 
 Khetoric, by Professor Henry Coppde, (Philadel- 
 phia, E. H. Butler & Co.,) and The Scholar's Com- 
 panion, by R. W. Baily, will at this stage be found 
 to be excellent and most useful works. Whately's 
 Elements of Rhetoric, and Blair's Lectures on 
 Rhetoric and Belles Lettres may next be studied to 
 very great advantage. Those who would go further 
 in this study, and who have facilities for obtaining 
 books, will derive great advantage from perusing 
 the Essays on the Nature and Principles of Taste 
 by the Rev. Archibald Alison, Burke's Philosophi- 
 cal Enquiry into the Origin of our Ideas on the 
 Sublime and Beautiful, Campbell's Philosophy of 
 Rhetoric, and the Elements of Criticism, by Lord 
 Kames. 
 
 I can not too earnestly insist on a steady adher- 
 ence, in writing, to the principle of observing regu- 
 lar hours for study, and of assiduously reviewmg 
 everything learned from the beginning. To keep 
 up these reviews with the least possible labor is of 
 
154 -^RT OF COJVVERSATIOJ^, 
 
 itself an art, though far from being one which i« 
 difficult of application. Geography, which must al^ 
 ways be kept up as a study, should, for instance, bo 
 frequently made to furnish subjects for literary com- 
 position. As the student advances in the separate 
 department of the studj^ of literature, he will find 
 that geography embraces, or leads to, the read- 
 ing of books of travel, of history, and of science. 
 Thus the two become at every step more identified. 
 In pursuing literary composition, he will find that 
 all three studies continually present material which 
 is common to each, and that, in consequence, the 
 acquisition of knowledge becomes easier as it pro- 
 gresses. 
 
 The student need be under no apprehension that 
 confusion will result from this growing affinity be- 
 tween the difibrent branches of study. Let him 
 perfectly master the first principles as here laid 
 down^ continually acquiring fresh facility in their 
 management and application, and he will see his way 
 more clearly as he advances. He will however be 
 materially aided in this by observing the practice of 
 forming groups of facts, and of constantly adding to 
 them, of which I have spoken more fully in another 
 place. Every man, during the course of his life, 
 
LITERARY COMPOSITIOJV. Ifg 
 
 acquires, and rapidly loses, a vast amount of informa* 
 tion which he would retain, were he in the habit of 
 referring each item, as it comes to his knowledge, to 
 some group of facts which he has formed and fre- 
 quently reviewed. 
 
 It is wonderful how rapidly the mind gathers 
 knowledge, and with what tenacity it is retained, 
 after steadily persevering for some months in this 
 practice of noting down certain facts, of adding to 
 them at intervals, and of carefully learning the 
 whole by occasional reviewing. Its results in 
 strengthening the memory are incredible, especially 
 with the young. 
 
156 -^^T OF COA'VERSATIOJ^ 
 
 CHAPTER XXn. 
 
 OP EEADINQ. 
 
 F IT be within your means, obtain a 
 good Cyclopaedia. That of Apple- 
 ton is at present, on the whole, the 
 cheapest and best in English, and it 
 is to be recommended as containing 
 information relative to America 
 which is to be found in no other 
 work. When, in the course of your 
 conversation, or reading, a subject 
 is introduced of which you are not well informed, 
 consult the Cyclopaedia as a guide to further know- 
 ledge, and as far as is possible, impress the facts on 
 your memory. 
 
 The student will derive great advantage from 
 keeping common-place books. Let them be stoutly 
 
OF READIJVG. 157 
 
 bound blank books, with a wide margin. On refer- 
 ^ ring to any subject, enter its name and definition in 
 your book ; adding to it, from time to time, notes of 
 the additional information which may be acquired :n 
 it. I have found volumes of ordinary sized letter 
 paper the most convenient for this purpose. Write 
 down the name of every work which you read, with 
 extracts from its pages. ^ author has said that to. 
 read withoutwriting, is to be guilty of downrighl 
 
 Make out a list of the best authors in the English 
 language in both prose and poetry, giving the prefer- 
 ence to those of long established reputation, and 
 read them carefully as opportunities may occur to 
 do so. Read aloud, at times, from all of them, as 
 it will assist you materially in understanding each 
 author's style. 
 
 It will be well in many cases if the student begin 
 by reading essays, biographies, standard books of 
 travel, and other works of light literature ; since 
 T am convinced that this is the surest means of 
 acquiring a taste for reading, and of awakening a 
 desire to become familiar with more solid literature. 
 Young men desirous of cultivating their minds, often 
 begin by reading works which, owing to a want of 
 
158 ART OF COJ>rVERSATIOJV. 
 
 geiieral knowledge, they find intolerably heavy. I 
 have frequently known one ignorant of very common 
 facts, and of well known books, to devote .himself 
 to months of reading of first class historians. For 
 want of a few associations of interest, everything 
 thus read is apt to vanish from the memory almost 
 as soon as perused. For this reason I would recom- 
 mend a careful perusal of many works which are 
 not generally regarded as "educational;" as, for 
 instance, Bulwer's " Last Days of Pompeii," which 
 has been correctly described as the best introduction 
 to Roman Antiquities. Let the reader always bear 
 it in mind that every fact acquired should be either 
 made the centre around which to group further 
 information on the same subject, or else be added to 
 some group already formed, and set down either in 
 the memory or the common-place book. If this habit 
 of collecting and classifying knowledge be for a 
 short time vigorously pursued and rigorously ad- 
 hered to, the results will be both remarkable and 
 gratifying. Every newspaper will be found to con- 
 tain paragraphs worth dipping out and preserving. 
 „ ^ If a club or society be formed with a view to cul- 
 tivating knowledge, it will be wdll for its members 
 \ to obtain a few works for reference. AmoAg these 
 
OF READlJVa 159 
 
 the following may find place : Lippincott's " Gen 
 eral Gazetteer," Brande's " Dictionarj of Science, 
 Literature, and Art," The American Census Re- 
 port, Chamher's " Cyclopaedia of English Litera- 
 ture," and Allibone's *' Critical Dictionary of Eng- 
 lish Literature and British and American Authors." 
 Useful manuals of general literature in the form of 
 catalogues have been published by the Appletong 
 and G. P. Putnam, of New York. To these may 
 be added Mills's " Literature and Literary men of 
 Great Britain," D'Israeli's " Curiosities of Litera- 
 ture," Cleveland's. " Compendium of English Litera- 
 ture," andHallam's ''Introduction to the Literature 
 of Europe in the 15th, 16th and 17th Centuries." 
 *' Lectures on English Literature, from Chaucer to 
 Tennyson," by Henry Reed, of Philadelphia, is also 
 id be commended, as also the " Handbook of Gen- 
 eral Literature," by Mrs. Botta. 
 
 Every American should make himself tho- 
 roughly conversant with the literature of his oivn 
 country. Let this be borne in mind, and its object 
 pursued with eagerness. There is no more infallible 
 means of awakening and sustaining national pride 
 and patriotism than a knowledge of the genius of 
 your native land, and its results. Shakespeare is 
 
J 60 >ART OF COJ^VERSATIOJ^. 
 
 half the glory of England. Make it a matter of 
 conscience to be able to recal the name of every 
 American writer of any eminence, and to have some- 
 thing more than a superficial knowledge of his writ- 
 ings. In these days, everything which contributea 
 to create a national feeling is of very great substan- 
 tial value, and you can materially aid it by teaching 
 yourself and others what we have contributed, as a. 
 country, to the history of intellectual culture. If 
 this work should have impressed nothing more than 
 this fact on your mind, it will not have been written 
 in vain. 
 
 The reader will find in Dr. Gris wold's " Prose 
 Writers of America," and in " The Poets and Poetry 
 of America," {latest editioti) information which will 
 enable him to make a good beginning on the subject 
 of which it treats. Triibner's " Bibliographical 
 Guide to American Literature," published in Lon- 
 don, presents, in the form of a catalogue, the titles 
 of all American works printed previous to the year 
 1859. It is extremely useful, since it gives, under 
 separate headings, the titles of books published on 
 different subjects, and also contains, in the form of 
 an introduction, an excellent and concise history of 
 American literature. 
 
OF READIJVG. 161 
 
 The study of general literature may be advanta- 
 geously pursued in the following manner. Let tha 
 student obtain, for example, " The Poets and Poetry 
 of Europe ; with Introductions and Biographical 
 Notices," by Henry W. Longfellow. Beginning 
 "with what is written of the literature of each lan- 
 guage, he should not merely master it by frequent 
 perusal, but, so far as he is able, follow it up by ob- 
 taining and reading the works referred to in the 
 volume. He will at least thereby make beginnings, 
 or groups, to which all the subsequent information 
 on the subject which is met with, may be attached. 
 He will find something relating to these groups in 
 almost every good literary magazine, and very fre- 
 quently indeed in newspapers. Let it all be col- 
 lected. Copy and clip assiduously. Bring into your 
 reading circle all facts thus acquired, and discuss 
 them freely. 
 
 In connection with this study, the reader will de- 
 rive great advantage from carefully perusing, as ho 
 advances, the "Historical Views of the Literature 
 of the South of Europe," by J. C. L. Simonde de 
 Sismondi, (Bohn's Standard Library — to be ob- 
 tained through most booksellers) ; ' ' The Prose Writ- 
 ers of Germany," by Frederic H. Hedge, (Phila- 
 
162 -^^T OF COJS-VERSATIOJSr. 
 
 delphia, 1848) ; *' History of Spanish Literature/ 
 bj George Ticknor ; Hallam's " Introduction to the 
 Literature of Europe," (Boston, Sheldon & 'Co. 
 1863); Max Miiller's "German Classics from the 
 Xiy. to the XIX. Century," (London, 1858); 
 *' Sketches of the Poetical Literature of the Past 
 Half Century," by D. M. Moir, (Edinburgh, 1851); 
 *' The History of English Poetry," by Thomas War- 
 ton, (London, 1840) ; ''The Poets and Poetry of 
 the Ancient Greeks," by Abraham Mills, (Boston, 
 1854) ; " Specimens of Foreign Standard Litera- 
 ture," edited by George Ripley, (Boston, 1838-9), 
 and " Specimens of the Greek and Roman Classic 
 Poets," translated into English verse by Charles 
 Abraham Elton, (Philadelphia : F- Bell, 1854.) A 
 very extensive series of the works of the English 
 poets has been issued by Little & Brown, of Boston, 
 and many useful selections may be made from the 
 publications of Henry G. Bohn, in London. These 
 books ; a catalogue of which may be obtained from 
 every bookseller ; comprise several hundred volumes 
 of excellent works of general literature, which are 
 for sale in our principal American cities, at a 
 very moderate price. For a knowledge of the shortei 
 current poems of the English language, the student 
 
OF REAJDIJVG. 163 
 
 may consult the '' Household Book of Poetry," col- 
 lected and edited by Charles A. Dana, (New York 
 3358.) 
 
 This list might be greatly extended, but the readei 
 may rest assured that long before he can have care- 
 fully read so many of these works as he will proba- 
 bly be able to buy, hire, or borrow, no difficulty will 
 be experienced in continuing the course of literary 
 study for himself As he progresses, and his inter- 
 est is awakened, he may take up standard works of 
 history, and peruse them with real relish. From 
 history he will derive intellectual strength, and its 
 study should be continued through life. As an easily 
 mastered and purely elementary work, the excellent 
 '' Landmarks of History," by Miss Yonge, (3 vol- 
 umes, Philadelphia, F. Leypoldt, 1864), may be 
 commended to young readers. 
 
 Let the student avoid second-class novels, and, 
 indeed, a very large proportion of the light works 
 constantly poured forth from the press. To peruse 
 them not only wastes time, but, what is worse, weak- 
 ens the mind. If it be convenient, one may pro- 
 perly know what is being published, and acquire a 
 general knowledge of its character, without injury , 
 but the greater part of your reading should be de- 
 
154 -^RT OF COJVVERSATIOJ\r. 
 
 voted to books of established reputation. It is mel- 
 ancholy to think of the amount of trash over which 
 many men and many more women, debase their 
 intellects. 
 
 Never let your reading betray you into pedantry. 
 Its main object should be to make your conversation 
 not only sensible, but also agreeable and varied. 
 
MORAL AJSTD MEJ^TAL PHILOSOPHY, 165 
 
 CHAPTER XXm. 
 
 HOBAL AND MENTAL FHILOSOPHT. 
 
 ONE can have made himself 
 even partially familiar with the 
 course of general literature which 
 has heen commended to him in 
 these pages, without feeling the 
 need of knowledge on the subject 
 of mental and moral philosophy, 
 or, as it is generally, though not 
 very correctly termed, of meta- 
 physics. 
 
 Erudition is most rapidly acquired by learning 
 as much as is possible of every subject at a time, 
 or in making a "thorough beginning, by reviewing 
 our knowledge, and by adding to it. To make 
 a good beginning in general literature, " The 
 
166 -^RT OF COJVVERSATIOJV. 
 
 History of Philosophy," by Dr. 0. S. Henry, 
 (New York, Harper Brothers,) may be commended, 
 to be followed by the " Biographical History of 
 Philosophy," by G. H. Lewes, (New York, Apple- 
 ton, 1859,) and Tenriemann's " Manual of the His- 
 tory of Philosophy," translated by Rev. Arthur 
 Johnson, (Oxford, 1832.) With these may be con- 
 sulted " Fleming's Vocabulary of Philosophy," 
 containing a valuable list of writers on the subject 
 of which it treats, edited by Rev. C. P. Krauth, 
 (Philadelphia, Smith & English, I860,) and 
 *' Scliwegler's History of Philosophy," (New York, 
 Appleton & Co.) From these works the student 
 will readily find his way to the original sources 
 of which they treat. I commend a careful study 
 of this branch of learning, since it is unquestion- 
 ably true that those whose minds readily incline to 
 it, find the least difficulty in acquiring and classi- 
 fying general knowledge. A man who has mas- 
 tered all the principal formulas and methods of 
 thought which history presents, has acquired the 
 sterns^ so to speak, of all literature, science, and 
 art. 
 
JESTHETICS. 
 
 167 
 
 CHAPTER XXIV 
 
 01 ART IN CONVERSATION. ^STHEIICS. 
 
 S ART in some form is fre- 
 quently made a subject of con- 
 versation in all circles, it is ad- 
 visable that every one should 
 possess some sound information 
 regarding it. 
 
 After a certain progress has 
 been made in literature, a know- 
 ledge of art becomes indispensa- 
 ble, to enlighten much of our reading. If this be 
 deliberately undertaken on fixed principles, a few 
 weeks of systematic reading will be of more real avail 
 than years ^{)ent in irregular "dilettantism,'' or 
 looking at pictures and other works by mere chance. 
 There are very few persons indeed who are en 
 
168 -^^2" OF COjYVERSATIOJST 
 
 gaged in manufactures or mechanical occupations of 
 any kind, to whom the historical knowledge alone of 
 art would not prove of very great profit. 
 
 The study of art in all its branches may be ad- 
 vantageously pursued, first, in books devoted to its 
 general history and principles, and secondly, in 
 detail, as opportunities for study and observation 
 present themselves. I at any rate advise the reader 
 who would be a proficient in conversation, to learn 
 at least the names and characteristics of the- princi- 
 pal painters, and their schools ; to become familiar 
 V (from engravings) with the difierent orders and styles 
 4of architecture, and the principal buildings of the 
 l.'world, and to know something of sculpture. Archi- 
 tecture is very intimately connected with history, 
 and is, of all branches of study, the one most easily 
 mastered so far as the general details are concerned. 
 Let the reader remember that every period of his- 
 tory produced its peculiar language, philosophy oi 
 religion, literature, songs, style of painting, sculp 
 ture, dress, manners and customs, music, and gene- 
 ral tastes. These were all allied to each other, and/ 
 grew out of one common national feeling. All of 
 them were most characteristically reflected in their 
 architecture. As soon as a new style of architecture 
 
mSTHETICS. 169 
 
 spread over Europe, it was promptly modified by 
 each nation into a sub-style, in accordance with its 
 other arts and habits. If you learn what these dif- 
 ferent stages of art were, you will have advanced 
 into "the study of aesthetics,'" or "the theory and 
 ^philosophy of taste, the science of the beautiful, or 
 that which treats of the principles of the belles let- 
 \tres and fine arts." 
 
 Do not undertake to talk of pictures or of any 
 works of art whatever, until you have acquired, from 
 reading the history of the subject, some accurate 
 ideas. Unless you do so, you will chatter nonsense, 
 despite all that is said of there being no disputing on 
 " mere matters of taste." There is no such thing 
 as a " mere matter of taste." 
 
 A beginning may be made in the study of art from 
 the works of Mrs. Anna Jameson, especially in her 
 " Memoirs of the Early Italian Painters," (Boston, 
 Ticknor k Fields, 1859,) " Memoirs and Essays on 
 Artj Literature, and Social Morals," (1846.) and 
 " Sacred and Legendary Art," (1857.) Also, for 
 general reference, the " Anecdotes of Painters, En- 
 gravers, Sculptors, Architects, and Curiosities of 
 Art," by Shearjashub Spooner, (New York, 1853,) 
 and a " Handbook of Literature and the Fine Arts,' 
 8 
 
l70 -^^T OF COJVVERSATIOJS, 
 
 compiled by George Eipley and Bayard Tayloi^ 
 (New York, 1852,) which are the most easily acceg- 
 sible American works of the kind. Por reading. I 
 would recommend " Lanzi's History of Painting,'* 
 translated by Thomas Roscoe, (London, H. G. Bohn, 
 1847,) Vasari's "Lives of the Painters," Kugler'a 
 ''Handbook of the History of Painting," "The 
 Philosophy of the Beautiful," by Victor Cousin, 
 (New York, 1854,) " Ten Centuries of Art," by 
 H. Noel Humphries, (1852,) " Lectures on An- 
 cient Art," by Eaoul Rochette, (London, 1854,) 
 "Artist Life," by H. T. Tuckerman, (New York, 
 1847,) " Works of Art and Artists in England," 
 by G. F. Waagen, " Lectures on Painting, by the 
 Royal Academicians," (London, H. G, Bohn, 1848,) 
 C. 0. Miiller's " Ancient Art," "Materials for a 
 History of Oil Painting," by Charles L. Eastlake, 
 Schlegel's ^Esthetic works, (Bohn's Library, Lon- 
 don, 1847,) "Art Hints, " — also "Art Studies," 
 by James Jackson Jarves, (New York, 1862,) "The 
 History of the Art of Painting," and " Sculpture 
 and the Plastic Art," (Boston, J. P. Jewett, 1850,) 
 Dunlap's "History of the Arts of Design in the 
 United States, (New York, 1834,) and, if accessi- 
 ble, D'Agincourt's " History of Art, (6 vols., Paris, 
 
JESTHETWS. 171 
 
 1823.) and '' Reflections on the Painting and Sculp- 
 ture of the Greeks, &c.," bj Winkelmann. 
 
 I do not advise the reader to touch the works of 
 Ruskin until he shalh bj previous study of good 
 authors, have formed settled and correct views of 
 xA.rt. In Ruskin there is much real information sub- 
 jected to the treatment of the rhapsodic, chaotic 
 mind of a man who was, as he boasts, totally igno- 
 rant of all that had been written on the subject of 
 Esthetics by its greatest masters, the Germans. His 
 reputation is principally derived from " fine writ- 
 ing" and bold dogmatism. 
 
 I by no means enjoin this course of reading aa 
 indispensable. It is simply given that those who 
 have the ambition to qualify themselves for very 
 accomplished conversationalists by acquiring a wido 
 range of general knowledge, may know what books 
 may be safely read. For ordinary purposes, to sim- 
 ply "pass well" when such subjects are introduced, a 
 very few of these books will suffice. "Whatever is read 
 at all, should, however, be read very thoroughly. 
 
 Let the reader beware of finding fault with worka 
 of art^ unless he is very positive from previous study 
 that he is quite in the right. Those who are igno- 
 rant of drawing and coloring, are generally the most 
 
172 -^RT OF COJVVERSATIOJV. 
 
 arrogant in their criticisms. Having " been to Eu- 
 rope " is no proof of a knoivledge of art, unless it has 
 been accompanied bj careful study, and a man -who 
 Yijs never seen a great picture, but who has read 
 much, and studied some good engravings of great 
 works, will indubitably know far more on the subject 
 than an idle person who has run through all the 
 great galleries abroad. 
 
 Beware, too, of indiscriminate admiration. This 
 country is prolific in self-taught, very ignorant 
 artists, whose works are lauded in the newspapers 
 a3 being equal to anything ever produced hy the 
 old masters. Become a scholar, and they will not 
 dazzle you. 
 
 Never imagine that any one is '' a judge of pic- 
 tures," or an authority in art, unless you know 
 that he has carefully read its history, and is also a 
 person of literary attainments, or of much general 
 . knowledge. If his " taste " has been acquired sim- 
 ply by looking at paintings, he may indeed have 
 picked up many details, and possess *' a picture- 
 dealer's knowledge of art," but little else. Painting 
 is so nearly allied to poetry and history, that an 
 ignorant man who has become fam'^iar with the 
 works of the great masters, is a pamful incongruity. 
 
JES THE TICS 173 
 
 \VTien he is, however, a collector, and the owner of 
 a gallerjj we may be reminded of the blind man of 
 the Spanish proverb, whose beautiful wife was adorned 
 for the admiration of his friends. 
 
 Avoid the frequently repeated and vulgar error, 
 that the old masters were inferior to the modern, 
 and remember that it is only very ignorant persona 
 wlio sneer , indiscriminately at all ''old pictures.'' 
 A few centuries ago, most of the genius of Europe, 
 instead of being given, as at present, in a great mea- 
 sure, to practically useful pursuits, was devoted to 
 art ; and it is absurd to assume that such efforts, by 
 the world's most intelligent races, did not produce 
 great results. The great lesson of history, and the 
 basis of all true criticism, is to fully understand that 
 every age, and all that it brought forth, form essen- 
 tially a whole with other eras ; — that the past was 
 the basis of the present, — and that it is as unrea- 
 sonable to underrate it by comparison with the pres- 
 ent, as it would be to decide on the relative mer'ta 
 of the blossom and the fruit. 
 
174 
 
 ART OF COJ\^VERSATIOJV: 
 
 CHAPTER XXV 
 
 OP STUDTINQ LiLNaUAGES. 
 
 LEARN a language is to prac- 
 tice an art ; to study the general 
 principles of languages in their 
 aflSnities and history, known as 
 philology ; is to investigate a sci- 
 ence. In his excellent " Lectures 
 on Language," Professor ]\Jax 
 Miiller claims that Philology has 
 been raised to the rank of an 
 exact science, with a physical basis. 
 
 I commend a careful reading of these Lectures to 
 all who would study language thoroughly In con- 
 nection with them, the reader will derive great ad- 
 vantage from " An Outline of the Elements of the 
 English Language," by Prof N. G Clark, (New 
 
STUDYIJVG LAJVGUAGES. I75 
 
 York. Charles Scribner,) ''Modern Philosophy," by 
 Benjamin D. Dwight, (New York, A. S. BarneSj 
 1859,) "Marsh's Lectures," and "The Philoso- 
 phy of Life and the Philosophy of Language," by 
 Frederic von Schlegel. Should he find the study 
 congenial to his tastes, he may, after mastering these 
 works, venture to attack the great " Comparative 
 Grammar " of Bopp, translated by Lieut. Eastwick. 
 With these he can hardly fail to guide himself through 
 the different branches of this fascinating science, of 
 which it may be truly said that few tend so much 
 to cultivate and enlarge the mind in its pursuit of 
 knowledge. 
 
 I would advise the reader to master his own lan- 
 guage so that he may not merely be able to read 
 Chaucer, Gower, Lydgate, and other old English 
 and Scottish poets with ease, — in doing which he 
 can derive much aid from Chaucer's " Legende of 
 Goode Women." edited with a valuable introduction 
 and notes, by Iliram Corson, (Philadelphia, F. Ley- 
 poldt,) — but also to obtain something more than a 
 merely superficial knowledge of Anglo-Saxon, which 
 may be done from the " Grammar " and " Analecta 
 Anglo-Saxonica" of Louis Klipstein, (New York, 
 G. P. Putnam.) To learn Greek with its dialects, 
 
176 -^RT OF CO.rVERSATIOJV. 
 
 and even Latin, as our collegians are expected to dcA^ 
 before acquiring the slightest knowledge of our own 
 noble language in its earlier forms, is one of the 
 absurdities which will at a future day seem inex- 
 plicable to a more thorough generation of scholars. 
 With the works of Klipstein may be also studied 
 "The Hand Books of Anglo-Saxon Orthography; 
 of Anglo-Saxon Root- Words; and of Anglo-Saxon 
 Derivations." (New York, 1854.) 
 
 To study French, Spanish, Italian and German, 
 and Latin, an easy beginning may be made with 
 Monteith's "Languages Without a Master," which 
 work may be had in separate numbers of any book- 
 seller at a very moderate price. Having mastered, 
 let us say, " French Without a Master," the student 
 would do well to procure from the Bible Society in 
 New York, or of any of its agencies, a French New 
 Testament. This excellent institution not only pro- 
 vides the New Testament in many modern languages, 
 with the English version on a parallel column, but 
 is also ; according to my experience ; extremely cour- 
 teous and obliging, through its agents, in obtaining 
 for scholars, and others, such translations which are 
 Bold at very low prices. 
 
 Having read the Testament with careful and fre- 
 
STrDYIA'G LAJVGUAGES. 177 
 
 quent reference to the grammar, the student may 
 translate some easy work, with the aid of a diction- 
 ary. The Testi'imen't will have supplied so many 
 words and expressions, that it will be found a mat- 
 ter of no difficulty. He should then write exer- 
 cises, which he may do to advantage from " Ollen- 
 dorff's Method/' a very thorough work. 
 
 For the student of French who is thus far ad- 
 vanced, I commend the excellent " New Guide to 
 Modern Conversation in French and English, by 
 Whitcomb and Bellenger," Philadelphia, (F. Ley- 
 poldt, 1863, '' Trois Soirees Litter aires a V Hotel 
 d' Avranches^^^ (an admirable book) by Mme. C. R. 
 Corson; and for reading, Lam^ Fleury's ^^ Histoire 
 de France^- ^ and " Trois Mois sous la Neigej'^ by 
 Jacques Porchat, a work crowned by the French Acad- 
 emy, (Philadelphia, F. Leypoldt. New York, 
 Carle ton.) 
 
 The same system may be pursued with the other 
 languages. German may, however, be more readily 
 acquired by substituting for the '' Ollendorff" 
 (which^ as arranged for this language is very diffi* 
 cult,) a work of the same character, according to 
 the method of Ahn, by Fiillborn, (Philadelphia^ J 
 B. Lippincott.) 
 
178 ART OF COJSrrEBSATIOJSr. 
 
 Let none be afraid lest the study of languages 
 prove too difficult. Let him rather dread his own 
 indolence. It should never be forgotten that everj 
 step in learning is easier than the one preceding, 
 and that to a man or woman who has any real claim 
 to be intelligent, and to deserve a rank above the in- 
 curably ignorant and incapable, I have not advised 
 in these pages a single object of study, or a single 
 book, which can not be acquired or understood by 
 means of steady reading and occasional reviewing. 
 
 Having made an advance in French and Spanish, 
 or Italian, (and not till then, since it is best to take 
 the easiest step first,) the student should attempt to 
 acquire a knowledge of the Latin classics in the ori- 
 ginal, beginning with Caesar's "Commentaries," and 
 " Cornelius Nepos." For this purpose, I suggest the 
 aid of literal translations. Very great scholars have 
 commended this method, and it was generally pur- 
 sued when the study of classic literature was at its 
 height in Europe. As has been well said, literal 
 translations direct the student immediately to the 
 order in which words are to be taken, and at the 
 same time at once supply him with their meaning. 
 Experience teaches that words thus learned are more 
 readily remembered than in any other way. The 
 
STUDYIJVa LAJSTGUAGES IJS 
 
 grammar siouTd however be carefully studied, and, 
 if it be possible, " exercises " in the language should 
 be frequently written. In studying Latin, a Latin 
 Bible is invaluable. 
 
 I have, since writing the above, met with an asser- 
 tion to the effect that no one ever learned a language 
 well without a master ; and that, with very rare 
 exceptions, no progress of any real value in such 
 studies is ever made, except in the countries where 
 the languages are spoken. The author can within 
 his experience point out a score of instances of per- 
 sons of not more than average intelligence, who 
 have, without instruction, mastered one or more lan- 
 guages to such an extent, that only a short residence 
 m the respective countries would have given them 
 perfect fluency in conversation. Let it be remem- 
 bered, however, that 'perfection in a foreign lan- 
 guage is rarely attained, and that one has opened 
 the gate to a vast amount of information when ha 
 can simply read another tongue. 
 
180 
 
 JRT OF C0J>rVERSJlTJOJV 
 
 CHAPTEE XXVL 
 
 OF CUBIOUS AND MISCELLANEOUS KNOWLEDGE. 
 
 HERE are certain little topics of 
 no (/reat value, on which it is, 
 however, agreeable to be well in- 
 formed, since the opportunities for 
 imparting information on them 
 very frequently occur in society, 
 and they furnish innumerable il- 
 lustrations for " small talk." 
 When discussing jewelry with 
 a lady, you may entertain her with a few trifles 
 drawn from " The History and Poetry of Finger 
 Rings," by Charles T. Edwards, (New York, 1855,) 
 or from that very agreeable book ^^ Lithiaka ; or 
 Gems and Jewels, their History, Geography, Chem- 
 istry, and Ana," by Madame de Barrera, (New 
 
MISCELLAJVEOUS KJVOWLEDGE, 181 
 
 York, Harpers, 1859,) or from " Jewelry and Pre- 
 cious Stones," (Philadelphia*, J. Pennington, 1856.) 
 At the table, remarks on old China or Sdvres may 
 be reinforced from Joseph ' Mary att's "Collections 
 Towards a History of Pottery and Porcelain," from 
 " Pallissy, the Potter," or from " The Curiosities 
 of Glass Making," by Apsley Pallatt, (London, 
 1849.) Sewing may suggest something from " The 
 Handbook of Needlework, from the Earliest Ages," 
 by the Countess of Wilton, j^London, 1840,) or Misa 
 Latnbert's " Church Needlework," (London, 1854.) 
 Perfumes may be studied in the interesting "Art of 
 Perfumery," by G. W. Septimus Piesse, (Philadel- 
 phia, 1856,) or in. his " Odors of Flowers," or in 
 *' Perfumery," by Campbell Morfit, (Philadelphia, 
 1853.) At dinners, Doran's " Table Traits, with 
 Something on Them," Brillat Savarin's "Physiology 
 of Taste,'' Simmond's " Curiosities of Food," and 
 Sayer's " Pantropheon," will suggest many amusing 
 anecdotes of food^ and even confectionery affords a 
 number of curious facts, which may be gleaned from 
 the books of Gunter and of Parkinson. Pettigrew'a 
 "Medical Superstitions," and Cordy Jeafferson's 
 '' Book about Doctors," may amuse when remedies 
 are discussed. " Redding on Wines " contains infor- 
 
182 '^RT OF COJVVERSATIOA", 
 
 mation for a convivial friend, and the "Anecdotes 
 of Animals," (London, 1861,) is useful for an occa- 
 Bional appropriate storj. " Arthur on Family 
 Names," and Lower's " Dictionary of Family 
 Names," are excellent works when that very com- 
 mon subject is discussed ; while Bishop's " History 
 of American Manufactures " may be almost daily 
 quoted, and, what is more, studied to real advantage. 
 Fairholdt's " History of Tobacco " contains much 
 that is interesting to smokers. Among other works 
 which will be found useful, are " Hogarth's History 
 of Music," "Musical Sketches," by Elise Polko, 
 translated by Fanny Fuller, and " Mendelshon'a 
 Letters," translated by Lady Wallace, (Philadel- 
 phia, F. Leypoldt,) " The Percy Anecdotes," " Par- 
 lor Charades <and Proverbs," by S. Annie Frost, 
 (Philadelphia, J. B. Lippincott,) — an amusing work 
 for social entertainment, — " The Floral Lexicon," 
 " Salad for the Solitary," '' Costume in England," 
 by F. W. Fairholt, (1846,) Hone's "Year Book," 
 " New Curiosities of Literature," by George Soane, 
 "The Pocket Lacon," " A Lift for the Lazy," (New 
 York, 1849,) Bohn's "Handbook of Proverbs," 
 "The Rose; its History, Poetry, &c.," by S. B. 
 Parsons, (New York, 1847,) " I'lowers for the 
 
MISCELLAJ^EOUS KJ^OWLEDGE, \%Z 
 
 Parlor and Garden," by E. S. Rand, (Boston, J. 
 E. Tilton & Co., 1863,) '' Opportunities for Indus- 
 try," (Philadelphia, 1859,) a work containing much 
 curious and valuable information on a great variety 
 of topics, ''The Sea," {La Mer) by Michelet, 
 (New York, Carleton,) Hoyle's *' Games," and 
 '' The Book of Chess Literature," by D. W. Fiske. 
 (New York, Carleton.) 
 
 Let th« reader remember that I by no means urge 
 the reading of any of these works as absolutely 
 essential to culture, but as simply supplying some 
 of that agreeable general information, without which 
 mere erudition is apt to appear heavy, if not repul- 
 sive, when advanced in ordinary society. 
 
184 
 
 ART OF COJSrVERSATWM. 
 
 CHAPTER XXVn. 
 
 OF SCIENCE. 
 
 HAVE, in the preceding chapters, 
 traced the studies of geography, 
 grammar, literary composition, and 
 general literature from their first 
 principles, and shown the reader 
 how it is possible to pursue them to 
 their higher developments, where 
 they may be said, in a certain sense, 
 to blend into one. 
 I have not as yet, however, spoken of acquiring 
 the practical knowledge that leads to Science, 
 which is far more accurate and searching than tho 
 pursuits of literature and of art. In fact, I do not 
 recommend any to follow these studies to their higher 
 h'"anches, even under the influence of a knowledge 
 
sciJEj>rvE. 135 
 
 of moral aD'J mental philosophy, unless they be 
 qualified by seme acquaintance with science. The 
 merely literary and artistic mind is not adapted to 
 the present age, and its habits of thought lack pre- 
 ciseness and strength. 
 
 The area of scientific study is however so vast 
 that it is with reluctance I venture to indicate the 
 possibility of mastering even its principles without 
 the aid of others. The reader who has acquired 
 some acquaintance with history, possesses, I will as- 
 sume, the power to comprehend a general history of 
 science, from Bacon to Comte. If he has mastered 
 to any considerable degree the works which I have 
 indicated in the chapters " Of Acquiring General 
 Knowledge," and of " Moral and Mental Philoso- 
 phy," he will readily appreciate the outlines of the 
 great growth of practical and positive philosophy. 
 If, for instance, while studying geography, he should 
 have read the " Comparative Physical and Historical 
 Geography " of Arnold Guyot, (Boston, Gould & 
 Lincoln,) or " The Earth and Man," by the same 
 author, he can not have failed to acquire some 
 knowledge of the advance of science. A simple and 
 popular work, such as " Knowledge is Power," by 
 Charles Knight, Well's " Familiar Science," (Phila- 
 
186 -^I^T OF COJSrVERSATIOJ\r. 
 
 delphia, G. W. Childs,) or Whewell's " Influence of 
 the History of Science upon Intellectual Education/' 
 will now be found useful in preparing the mind for 
 perusing the history of science, and especially those 
 biographies of the great physical philosophers in 
 which it is most accurately written. 
 
 NATURAL PHIJiOSOPHT. 
 
 Algebra, and Geometry, and Plane and Spherical 
 Trigonometry should be studied by all who find on 
 (jareful examination, that elementary works on these 
 subjects present no invincible difficulties. Prom this 
 point the general knowledge of science becomes, in a 
 great measure, possible or impossible, according to 
 the power of application possessed by the student. 
 The " Primary Lessons in Natural Philosophy," by 
 J. L. Comstock, the " Introduction to Natural Phi- 
 losophy," by D. Olmstead, Draper's " Text Book," 
 and " Gray's Elements," are works generally used 
 in schools, and being easy to obtain, may be com- 
 mended as forming a good introduction to practical 
 pcience. Bouvier's '' Familiar Astronomy," (Phila- 
 delphia, G. W. Childs,) has been commended by the 
 most competent authority in England and America, 
 as an excellent introduction to the science of which 
 it treats. 
 
SCIEJVCE. 187 
 
 For the study of general mechanics, the " Ele- 
 ments of Mechanics," by W. H. C. Bartlett, Bou- 
 charlat's *' Elementary Treatise on Mechanics, '^ and 
 Ren wick's " Mechanics," will furnish a beginning 
 not beyond the grasp of a practical mind, even with- 
 out a teacher. It is needless to say, that to every 
 intelligent person pursuing this study with avidity, 
 opportunities for improvement are to be found in all 
 mills and factories. In connection with this subject, 
 I would earnestly impress upon the mind of the 
 reader the advice, that he never allow the opportu- 
 nity of examining any mechanism, or other practical 
 application of science to the useful arts, to escape 
 his notice, and if it be possible, never to relinquish 
 the object till he shall have fully mastered its details. 
 The opportunities for deriving profit from such know- 
 ledge occur so frequently in life, that no man ever 
 acquired it without finding it a capital capable of 
 returning a large per centage. 
 
 It would be impossible, within the limits of a sin- 
 gle volume, to give the details of every department of 
 science, and to commend the best elementary works on 
 each subject. I am the more unwilling to attempt 
 this since every year now witnesses such great ad* 
 vances in this department of human knowledge 
 
188 ^RT OF COJSrVERSATIOJSr. 
 
 while book after book is cast like a fresh wave on the 
 beach of learning. I can however assure the reader, 
 that if he has for some months thoroughly followed 
 out the plan of self-education which I have thus far 
 laid down, with such assistance as most town-libraries 
 can afford, and if he continues at evfirv step to review 
 what he has alreadyjearned, he can hardlj fail, after 
 mastering one or more elementary books on natural 
 science (aided by such experiments as his own natu- 
 ral ingenuity may suggest,) to ascertain by inquiry, 
 what works may be obtained on the special sub- 
 divisions of mechanics or mechanism. 
 
 GEOLOGY. 
 
 Among primary works on Geology are the " Ele- 
 ments," (with an Introduction to Mineralogy,) by 
 John L. Comstock, " Elements of Geology," by 
 Gray and Adams, " Elementary Geology," by E. 
 Hitchcock, Loomis's " Elements of Geology," Ma- 
 ther's ''Elements," Prof J. D. Dana's ''Manual 
 of Geology," (New York, T. Bliss & Co., 1863,) 
 Trimmer's " Practical Geology," St. John's " Ele- 
 ments," and the " Outlines of Mineralogy, Geology. 
 and Mineral Analysis," by T. Thompson, and the 
 ** Geology" by Sanborn Tenney — an excellent work 
 
sciEJ\rcE. 189 
 
 for private students. To these may be added Sir 
 Charles Lyell's " Antiquity of man from Geological 
 Evidences," (Philadelphia, G. W. Childs.) One or 
 the otha* of these can hardly fail to be within the 
 reach of the reader, and will serve as an introduce 
 tion to the study in its higher branches. And while 
 on this subject, I would specially advise every ont 
 who has hitherto devoted no attention to geology, to 
 resolve that some acquaintance with its general out- 
 line shall by all means enter into his scheme of gen- 
 eral knowledge. Geology is to Science, what archi- 
 tecture may be assumed to be in aesthetics, or in 
 art ; a practical basis for associating the facts of 
 other branches of science, and a record of the his- 
 tory of creation, as architecture is the history of 
 mankind. 
 
 CHEMISTRY. 
 
 Notwithstanding the rapid advances constantly 
 being made in chemistry, the following works may 
 still be commended as useful for the beginner in that 
 science. Stockhardt's " Principles of Chemistry,' 
 translated by C. H. Pierce, (Philadelphia, E. II 
 Butler,) Silliman's " First Principles of Chemis- 
 try," Regnault's ''Elements of Chemistry," Fos- 
 
190 -^RT OF COJ\rVERSATIOJ>r, 
 
 ter's " First Principles of Chemistry," Gardner's 
 '' Medical Chemistry," Murphy's " Review of Che- 
 mistry for Students," Porter's '' First Book of Che- 
 mistry," Lehmann's '' Manual of Chemical. Physi- 
 ology," translated by J. C. Morris, and the *' Class 
 Book of Chemistry and Chemical Atlas," by E. L. 
 Youmanns. To these may be added for the more 
 advanced student, Lehmann's " Physiological Che- 
 mistry," translated by George E. Day, Booth's 
 " Encyclopaedia of Chemistry," the " General No- 
 tions of Chemistry," by Pelouze and Frdmy, and 
 Will's " Outlines of Chemical Analysis." 
 
 Chemistry is the most practical of sciences, and 
 cannot, therefore, be pursued beyond a certain point 
 without the aid of experiments. Fortunately, there 
 is perhaps no city in the United States where access 
 to such experiments may not be obtained by every 
 one who is sincerely desirous of knowledge. It is 
 one of the most fascinating of studies, and, perhaps, 
 the most useful of all, so far as its technology, or 
 application to the wants of life is concerned — there 
 being few trades in which some skill in it is not 
 directly profitable. If, in the comparative table of 
 positive knowledge, geology may be said to corres- 
 pond to architecture, chemistry may, from its infi- 
 
SCIEjYCE. 191 
 
 nitely ductile and delicate nature, be compared to 
 painting. 
 
 NATURAL HISTORY 
 
 The study of Natural History can hardly ho 
 regarded as optional to any one who aims at being 
 well informed, since without some general knowledge 
 of animal nature, even geography can be only im- 
 perfectly learned. Fortunately, it is extremely 
 entertaining, and presents the great advantage of 
 affording an easy introduction to several other 
 branches of science. Among the books to be used 
 are the " Introduction to the Study of Natural His- 
 tory," by Louis Agassiz, Roschenbergef's "Natural 
 History," Smellie's " Philosophy of Natural His- 
 tory,'' and. the "American Natural History," by 
 John D. Godman. For collateral reading, much 
 useful information may be drawn from the volumes 
 of the " Boston Journal of Natural History," the 
 *' Journal of the Academy of Natural Sciences of 
 Philadelphia," and from the "Annals of the Lyce- 
 um of Natural History of New York." The " Stray 
 Leaves from the Book of Nature," and John D, 
 Godman' s " Rambles of a Naturalist," are inci- 
 dentally worth reading. 
 
192 -ART OF COA''VERSATIOJ\r. 
 
 BOTANY. 
 
 The utility of a knowledge of Botany is so gen- 
 eiallj recognized, that it forms a branch of study in 
 nearly all colleges, and schools of a high class. 
 Those who live in the country, and yet are ignorant 
 of it, may be said to bo half-blind, since they see 
 nothing of the real life or nature of the vegetable 
 world around them. Among the many works on the 
 subject in general use, are Mrs. Lincoln's " Familiar 
 Letters on Botany," Comstock's " Introduction to 
 the Study of Botany," "The Plant," and " The 
 Principles of Botany as illustrated in the Crypto- 
 gamia," by H. Coultas, (Philadelphia, 1853 and 
 1855,) Gray's " Botanical Text Book," (a work 
 of special merit,) Gray's " First Lessons in Bota- 
 ny," Gray's " Manual of the Botany of the North- 
 ern United States," Hovey's "Fruits of America," 
 Torrey and Gray's " Flora of North America," — 
 *' the most extensive local Flora ever undertaken," 
 — Wood's "Class Book of Botany," Torrey's 
 •* Compendium," Darby's "Botany of the South- 
 ern States," and Downing's "Fruits and Fruit 
 Trees of America." 
 
SCIEJ^CE. 193 
 
 PHYSIOLOGY. 
 
 It has been said bj more than one advocate of 
 physical culture, that to know the structure of our 
 own bodies is as essential as any branch of education 
 or learning whatever. It is very certain that there 
 is positively no subject so frequently discussed, on 
 which so much ignorance is displayed, as this. The 
 success of quacks is owing, in a great measure, to 
 the general want of knowledge of the conditions on 
 which health is based ; and it is very certain that 
 if the many invalid women, and badly digest- 
 ing, overworked men of America knew themselves 
 physically, better than they do, we should soon see 
 an improvement in the health of the nation. 
 
 " The Physiology " of Dr. John Dal ton is un- 
 questionably the best work of the kind as yet writ- 
 ten. For elementary study, the reader may take 
 Comstock's " Outlines of Physiology," Coming's 
 *' Class Book of Physiology," or Cutter's " First 
 Book of Anatomy." Among other works published 
 in this country, are Lambert's " Human Anatomy, 
 Physiology, and Hygiene," and C. A. Lee's " Hu- 
 man Physiology," J. W. Draper's '' Human Physi- 
 olgy, and that of Robley Dunglison — a work of 
 9 
 
194 -^^T OF COJVVERSATIOJS'. 
 
 decided merit. Magendie's " Human Physiology/ 
 translated by J. Eevere, Lowget's " Treatise on 
 Physiology," translated by F. G. Smith, S. G. Mor- 
 ton's "Illustrated System of Human Anatomy,'' 
 Reese's "Analysis of Physiology," Sdquard's " Ex- 
 perimental Researches," Carpenter's " Principles of 
 Human Physiolo^, (Philadelphia, 1853,) Smith's 
 ''Anatomical Atlas," Steele's "Elements of Gen- 
 eral Pathology," Tracy's " Mother and hor Off- 
 spring," and, finally, Yelpeau's " Elements of Ope- 
 rative Surgery," translated by P. S. Townsend. If 
 this, and several other works which I have men- 
 tioned, should be regarded as beyond the reach of 
 most readers without instruction, I can only urge 
 what I believe to be true, that those who have care- 
 fully read any elementary and introductory works of 
 physiology, may at least gather much valuable infor- 
 mation from all that I have mentioned, even where 
 entire proficiency is impossible. 
 
 JURISPRUDENCE. 
 
 I recommend every one who is resolved to become 
 truly well-informed, to acquire some knowledge of 
 the general principles of English Law, upon which 
 our own is founded. With this intention, the reader 
 
8CIEJVCE, 195 
 
 would do well to peruse very carefully ' ' Blackstone^a 
 Commentaries ; " to become familiar with legal 
 forms as laid down in Grajdon, and to at least look 
 over, with some attention, the work on the practice 
 of law which may be most applicable to his own 
 state, the name of which work may be obtained from 
 any lawyer of his acquaintance. Should he desire 
 to go further, he may read "Kent's Commentaries 
 on American Law/' " Story on the Law of Con- 
 tracts," or Parsons on the same subject, and Smith's 
 *' Elements of the Laws." All of the works of 
 Ge*o. T. Curtis, whether on copyright, conveyancing, 
 the Constitution of the United States, or Patent 
 Laws, or on American jurisprudence, are of a kind 
 as well adapted to the use of the general reader, as 
 to that of the professional student, — a merit due to 
 their clearness of conception and admirable expres- 
 sion. I would say, in this connection, that a more 
 general knowledge of industrial jurisprudence, or of 
 laws relating to patents and copyrights, might very 
 well be disseminated in this country, among the 
 many people who are practically interested in such 
 matters. 
 
 The works on Medical Jurisprudence by Beck, by 
 Wharton and Stills, and by Dean, as well as Whar- 
 
196 ' ^I^T OF COJVVERSATIOJ^, 
 
 ton's " Treatise on the Criminal Law of the [Iritctl 
 States/' with Butler and Heard's "Leading Cases," 
 should be read by every man who may expect to 
 serve at any time on a jury. Having tested the 
 valuo of *snch knowledge, I would beg the reader to 
 pay attention to this remark. We continually read 
 in the newspapers of sentences or acquittals, espe- 
 cially in lower courts, and before ignorant magis- 
 trates or juries, which could never have been award- 
 ed had tiiose concerned possessed simply that amount 
 of merely common-sensible information which any 
 person of ordinary intelligence is capable of extract- 
 ing from a perusal of the books above mentioned. 
 
APPENDIX 
 
trULGARISMS IJ\ C0JVVERSAT10J)r. |.99 
 
 CHAPTER XXVra. 
 
 or TULGAXUMg IS OONTEBSATIOK. 
 
 ARE should be taken to avoid m 
 writing, as m conversation, all Ameri- 
 can, as well as English, vulgarisms. 
 These may be ascertained by refer- 
 ence either to Webster's or Worces- 
 ter's Dictionaries, to Bartlett's '' Dic- 
 tionary of Americanisms," to '' Live 
 and Learn," &c., a work " contain- 
 ing examples o^ one thousand mistakes of fre- 
 quent occurrence in speaking, writing, and pronun- 
 ciation," (New York, Garrett & Co., 1856,) or to 
 the article on "Americanisms" in "Appleton'a 
 Cyclopaedia." 
 
200 -^-R^ OF COJ^VERSATIOJ>r. 
 
 Among the words or expressiona to be strictly 
 avoided, are the following, for which I am princi- 
 pally indebted to the works above mentioned : 
 
 Advantage^ {to) used as a verb, instead of profit. 
 About rights instead of well, or correct. 
 Action^ instead of proceeding, or decision. 
 Antiquarian, instead of antiquary. 
 According to Gunter, instead of accurately dene. 
 Accountability J instead of accountableness. 
 Above my bent, instead of out of my power. 
 Acknowledge the corn, {to) instead of to admit 
 
 the charge. 
 Across lots, instead of in the quickest manner. 
 Aggravate, (^to) instead of to irritate, or to insult. 
 All-fired, instead of enormous. 
 All sorts of, instead of excellent, or expert. 
 All to pieces — smash, Entirely destroyed. 
 Allot upon, {to) instead of to intend. 
 Allow, {to) instead of to declare, or assert. 
 Along. To get along, instead of to get on. 
 Among the m^issing, {to be) instead of absent 
 Among^ instead of between. 
 Aint, instead of is not. 
 Anything else. A vulgar affirmative. 
 
VULGARISMS IJV COJSTVERSATIOX, 201 
 
 JLny how you can fix it. 
 
 Approbate. A word obsolete in England. 
 
 Ary^ instead of ever a. 
 
 As gaod^ instead of as well. 
 
 As wellj instead of also. I was angry as well as he. 
 
 At, instead of by, or in. We should say, sales by 
 auction, not at auction ; and in the North, not at 
 the North. 
 
 At that. And poor at that, instead of also, or 
 as well. 
 
 Avails, instead of profits, or proceeds ; as, the avails 
 of their own industry. 
 
 Awful, instead of ugly, difficult, or very. 
 
 Axe, instead of ask. An old English word; now 
 become obsolete. "And Pilate axide him, 'Art 
 thou King of Jewis?' And Jhesus answeride 
 and seide to him, ' Thou seist.' " — Wicliflf's Bi- 
 ble, cited by Bartlett. 
 
 Back and forth, instead of backward and forwards. 
 Back, instead of ago. A little while back. 
 Back down {to) instead of to recant. 
 Back out, instead of to retreat, or to fail to fulfil a 
 
 promise ; equivalent expressions are to back 
 
 water, to take the back track. 
 
202 -^RT OF coj\rvERSATioj)r. 
 
 Backing and filling. Advancing and retreating. 
 
 Backward^ instead of bashful, or modest. 
 
 Baggage, " The English," sajs Bartlett, " ap- 
 pear to have discarded the word altogether, for the 
 less appropriate term luggage.''^ I confess I do 
 not see why it is less appropriate to the heavy 
 trunks of which modern luggage chiefly consists. 
 
 Beast, instead of horse. Obsolete. 
 
 Beat — the beat ofi instead of superior. 
 
 Beat out J instead of tired, or fatigued. 
 
 Beautiful^ instead of excellent j as beautiful butter. 
 
 Beef^ {a) instead of an ox. 
 
 Belongings^ instead of attributes, garments, associa- 
 tions, or property. 
 
 Bestowment and Bestowal. Obsolete theological 
 words. 
 
 Betterment^ instead of improvement. 
 
 Bettermost^ instead of the best. 
 
 Biddable^ instead of manageable. 
 
 Big figure^ {on the) instead of on a large scale. 
 
 Biggestj instead of greatest, or finest ; as, she's the 
 biggest kind of a singer. 
 
 BloWj {to) instead of to boast. 
 
 Blow out at, instead of to abuse. 
 
 Bluff off , {to). To deter, to put down, or repel. 
 
VULGARISMS lA" COJ^VERSATIOJV. 203 
 
 8o?iej (^to) instead of to steal. , 
 
 Doiind^ instead of determined or resolved. I'm 
 
 bound to go. 
 Brown {to do up). To do anything to perfection. 
 Bubf bubhy. Applied to small boys. From the 
 
 German Biibe. 
 Build, instead of to establish. 
 Bidger, instead of something extremely large. 
 Bully, instead of fine, or capital. 
 Burned uj), instead of burned down. 
 By the name of. A man by the name of Smith. 
 
 "An Englishman would say 'of the name of 
 
 Smith,' except in such phrases as : 'He went by 
 
 the name of Smith.' " — Bartlett. 
 Bad, instead of ill ; as, I feel bad. Done bad. 
 Balance, instead of remainder. 
 Back 02it, {to) instead of to retreat. 
 Bogus, instead of counterfeit. 
 Baiiter, {to) instead of challenge. 
 Belittle, {to) instead of to make smaller. 
 
 Cannot, instead of can not. 
 Captivate, {to) instead of to take captive. 
 Conclude, instead of determine. 
 Connection, In this connection, instead of in cott 
 nection with this subject. 
 
204 -^^T OF COJ\rVERSATIOJV 
 
 County. Instead of Westchester County we shculd 
 
 say the County of Westchester. 
 Clea7' out, {to) instead of depart, or leave. 
 Clever does not mean good natured or well disposed, 
 
 but dexterous, skilful, quick-witted, or intelligent. 
 Clip^ instead of a sudden blow. 
 Cloud upj {to) instead of to grow cloudy. 
 Common. As well as common, instead of as well 
 
 as usual. 
 Conduct, {to) instead of to conduct oneself *' This 
 
 vulgar expression has, with many others, been 
 
 sanctioned by Webster." — Bartlett's Die- 
 
 tionary of Americanisms. 
 Considerable, instead of much, or considerably. 
 Contemplate, {to) instead of to consider, to have in 
 
 view, or to intend. 
 Corner, {to) instead of to get the advantage of any 
 
 one. 
 Count, {to) instead of to reckon, suppose, or think. 
 Crowd, instead of company. 
 
 Cry, {to) instead of to publish the banns of mar- 
 riage. 
 Cupalo, instead of cupola. 
 Converse together, {to) instead of to converse. 
 Cut round, {to) instead of to run about, or make a 
 
 display. 
 
VULGARISMS JJV COJSTVERSATIO^N; 20ri 
 
 Come^ {to) instead of to go. 
 
 Cut under J {to) instead of to undersell. 
 
 Corporeal means having a body ; corporal, belcnging 
 or relating to the bodj. We should say, corporal 
 punishment, and, God is an incorporeal being. 
 
 Peclension, or declination, instead of a refusal to 
 accept. 
 
 Deed, {^to) instead of to transfer by deed. 
 
 Deputize, (to) instead of to depute, to empower to 
 act for another. 
 
 Dessert. This word is applicable to the fruits and 
 other delicacies brought on the table after the pud- 
 dings and pies, but not to the puddings and pies 
 themselves. 
 
 Dicker, {to) instead of to barter. 
 
 Difficulted, instead of perplexed. 
 
 Directly, instead of when, or as soon as. 
 
 Dirt. This word is used in a too extended sense 
 instead of earth, clay, or dust. 
 
 Dissipate {to). To live idly or irregularly. 
 
 Do tell ! instead of really ! or indeed ! 
 
 Donation, instead of present. 
 
 Done, instead of did. 
 
 Don't, instead of does not. DorCt is a contraction 
 for do not. 
 
206 -ART OF COJ^VERSATIOJSr, 
 
 Dove, instead of dived. 
 
 Doion upon. Used to express enmitj or dislike. 
 
 DoxDn cellar J instead of down in the cellar. 
 
 Dragged out^ instead of fatigued, or exhausted. 
 
 Dreadful^ instead of verj. " This, and the worda 
 awful, terrible, desperate, monstrous, are used by 
 uneducated people for the purpose of giving em- 
 phasis to an expression." — Bartlett. 
 
 Drinking. Never say '^ he's a drinking man." 
 
 Driving at. What are you driving at ? instead of 
 what object have you in view ? 
 
 Dumpj instead of unload. 
 
 Egg J instead of to pelt with eggs. 
 
 Elect J instead of to prefer, to choose, to determine 
 in favor of ; as, they elected to submit ; travellers 
 will elect to go by the Northern route. 
 
 Elegantj for excellent, as applied, for instance, to 
 articles of food ; as, elegant pies. 
 
 Emptyings^ for lees, or leaven. 
 
 Endorse^ {to) instead of to approve, or confirm. 
 
 Eventuate, {to) instead of to happen, or to result in. 
 
 Erperience. Vulgarly used without an adjective; 
 to describe religious trials and their result. 
 
 Experience religion, {to,) instead of to be con- 
 verted. 
 
VULGARISMS IJV COJ^VERSATIOJ\r. 207 
 
 Expect, {to) is only applicable to the anticipation 
 of future events. It is vulgarly used for think, 
 believe, or know. 
 
 Fair^ instead of real, or genuine. 
 
 Fall J {to) instead of to fell a tree. 
 
 Fancy. This word is too generally used as an ad- 
 jective to signify ornamental, fantastic, stylish, 
 extraordinary, or choice; as, fancy prices, fancy 
 houses, fancy women. 
 
 Fellowship {to). Vulgarly used as a verb. 
 
 Female. Incorrectly used to denote a person of the 
 female sex. To speak of a woman simply as a 
 female, is ridiculous. 
 
 Fetch up, {to) instead of to halt suddenly. 
 
 Fire away, instead of to begin. 
 
 First instead of one, or single. -An absurd use of 
 the word, as when one says, '' I will not pay the 
 first cent." 
 
 First rate, instead of superior. 
 
 Fix, {to) means to fasten, or make firm. One may 
 fix a residence at New York ; some men have no 
 fixed opinions ; you may fix a line to a hook ; a 
 preacher may fix the attention of his audience ; 
 and in chemistry, gold is a fixed body. 
 
 Fixed fact, instead of a positive or well established 
 
^ 
 
 208 -f^RT^ OF COJ^VERSATIOJV. 
 
 fact. The invention of the phrase, according to 
 Bartlett, is attributed to Caleb Gushing. 
 
 Fizzle, (io) instead of to fail, or to perform imper- 
 fectly. 
 
 Forever^ instead of for ever. 
 
 Flat broke, instead of entirely out of money. 
 
 Floor, {to have the) is the American term for to 
 have possession of the house. 
 
 Flunk, instead of to fail, to retreat ; as, to flunk out. 
 
 Flier, instead of a venture. 
 
 Fl^. To fly around, instead of to stir about, or be 
 active. 
 
 Folks, instead of people, or persons. 
 
 For, before the infinite particle to, has become very 
 vulgar ; as, I'd have you for to know. 
 
 Fore handed, instead of to be in good circumstances. 
 
 Foreigner. "Virginians call all other Americana 
 foreigners?"^ — Eartlett. 
 
 Fork oner — or up, instead of to pay. 
 
 Found, instead of fined. 
 
 Freshet, instead of flood, was once used in England, 
 but is now confined as a word to the United States. 
 
 Funeralize, instead of to perform the clerical duties 
 preparatory to a funeral 
 
VULGARISMS IJV COJSTVERSATIOJST. 209 
 
 Funk, instead of an offensive smoke, smell, or dust. 
 Funkf {to) instead of to retreat, to resign, or to 
 alarm. 
 
 Gale, instead of a state of excitement. 
 
 Garrison, instead of fort. 
 
 Gather, instead of to take up. One may gather 
 apples, but not a stick. 
 
 Get, instead of to have ; as, I have got no money. 
 Inelegantly used to prevail on, or induce, or per- 
 suade. To get religion, instead of to become pious, 
 is vulgar. So are, to get one's back up, get ou*. ! 
 and to get round, instead of to get the better of. 
 
 Given name, instead of Christian name. 
 
 Go by, {to) instead of to call or stop at. A Iott 
 Southern expression. 
 
 Go for, or go in for, {to) instead of to be in favor of. 
 
 Go it. As, to go it blind, to go it with a looseness, 
 to go it strong, to go one's death, to go the big 
 figure, or the whole figure. 
 
 Go off, ^to) instead of to expire. 
 
 Go through the mill, {to) instead of to acquire ex- 
 perience. 
 
 Go under, {to) instead of to perish. 
 
 Going, instead of travelling ; as the going is bad . 
 it is bad going. 
 
210 -^RT OF COJSrVERSATIOX, 
 
 Gone, as in gone coon, gone goose. 
 
 Goiier, instead of one who is lost. 
 
 Gone with, instead of become of. As, what is gone 
 
 with him ? 
 Good. An incorrect use of this word may be heard 
 
 in, he reads good ; it does not run good. Very 
 
 vulgar indeed is the phrase, " it is no good.'' 
 Gouge, instead of to cheat. 
 Governmental, instead of relating to government. 
 Grain, (a) instead of a little. 
 Grand, instead of very good, or excellent ; as, it ia 
 
 a grand day. 
 Grant, {to) instead of to vouchsafe; as, grant to 
 
 hear us. 
 Grass widow. Vulgar in any sense. In England 
 
 it means an unmarried woman who has had a 
 
 child. American editors, and even American 
 
 ladies sometimes use this word unconscious of 
 
 its real meaning. 
 Great, instead of distinguished^ or excellent. Thus, 
 
 he is a great Christian ; she is great at the piano. 
 Great big, instead of very large. 
 Green, instead of uncouth, raw, or inexperienced. 
 
 It is, for example, vulgar to say, a green Fresh. 
 
 man. 
 
VULGARISMS IJV COJVVERSATIOJ^. 211 
 
 Grist^ instead of a large number. 
 
 Guess J {to) means to conjecturej and not to believe, 
 know, suppose, think, or imagine. It was once 
 used by English writers in this positive sense, but 
 is now vulgar and obselete. 
 
 tlack^ instead of hackney coach. A hack is a liv- 
 ery stable horse. 
 
 Had have. A very low expression. Had we have 
 known this. 
 
 Had not ought to, instead of ought not to. 
 
 Haintj instead of have not. 
 
 Hand, instead of adept, or proficient ; as, you are a 
 great hand at running. 
 
 Hand running, instead of consecutively. 
 
 Handsomely, instead of carefully, steadily, or cor- 
 rectly. 
 
 Hang. To get the hang of a thing, instead of be- 
 coming familiar with it. " He hadn't got the hang 
 of the game." 
 
 Hang fire, instead of to delay, or to be impeded. 
 
 Hang around, instead of loiter about. 
 
 Hang out, instead of dwell. 
 
 Happen in, {to) instead of to happen tc Cfll in. 
 
 Hard case. Used to indicate a worthless fellow, or 
 one who is hard to deal with. 
 
212 -^RT OF COJVVERSATIOJV, 
 
 Hard pushed^ hard nm, hard upj instead of hard 
 
 pressed. 
 Haze, instead of to riot, to frolic, to urge or drive 
 
 severely, to torment, or to annoy. 
 Head off^ instead of to intercept. 
 Heap J instead of many or much. 
 Hefty instead of weight, or to weigh. 
 Help, instead of servants. 
 Hide, instead of to beat. 
 High falutin, instead of high flown. 
 Hire, " Often improperly applied to renting a 
 
 house. In good English, a house is rented, while 
 
 a vehicle is hired." — Bartlett. 
 Hitch, instead of entanglement or impediment. 
 Hold on, instead of to wait, or stop. 
 Hook, {to) instead of to steal. 
 Hook, {on his own) instead of on his own account. 
 Hooter. A corruption of iota ; as, I don't care a 
 
 hooter for him. . 
 Hopping mad, instead of very angry. 
 Horn (in a). Expressing dissent. 
 Horrors, instead of to be in low spirits. It is also 
 
 used to indicate the peculiar state of mind whick 
 
 succeeds an attack of delirium tremens. 
 Horse, instead of man. Old boss. 
 
VULGARISMS IJ\r C OUTERS ATlOJf, 218 
 
 Hove, instead of heaved. 
 
 How? instead of what ? or what did you say ? 
 
 •* Do put your accents in tlie proper spot ; 
 Don't — let me beg you — don't say How ? for what ? ** 
 
 — 0. W. Holmes. 
 
 How come ? instead of how came it ? how did it 
 
 happen? 
 Human, instead of human heing. Very low. 
 Hung. " In England, beef is hung, gates are hung, 
 
 and curtaina are hung, but felons are hanged^ - 
 
 Rev. a. C. Geikib. 
 Hunk, instead of a large piece. 
 Hush up, dry up, and shut up, instead of to be 
 
 silent. 
 Homely, instead of plain-featured or ugly. 
 
 lUy. A silly amplification of ill ; as, I have been 
 illy entreated. 
 
 In, instead of into ; as, to get in the stage, to come 
 in town. 
 
 Independent fortune. A man may be rendered in- 
 dependent by a fortune, but the fortune can hardly 
 become independent of a possessor. 
 
 Institution. A word vaguely applied to any preva* 
 lent practice or thing. 
 
 Item, instead of information. 
 
214 'ART OF coj\rvERSATioj\r. 
 
 Johj instead of thrust. 
 
 Jag, Used to express a parcel, or load ; also a 
 
 habit adopted for a time, as he is on a moral jag ; 
 
 also for intoxication. 
 Japonicadom, instead of the fashionable class of 
 
 societj. 
 JeWj {to) instead of to cheat. 
 Jessie, {to give) instead of to treat severely. 
 Jump J (Jrom the) instead of from the beginning. 
 
 Keel over, instead of to be prostrated, or die. 
 
 Keep^ instead of food, subsistence, keeping. 
 
 Keep a stiff upper lip, instead of to keep up one's 
 courage, to continue firm. 
 
 Keep company, {to) instead of to court, or make 
 love. 
 
 Keeping-room, instead of the sitting-room or parlor. 
 
 Kesouse, keswap, keswack, to express dipping, or 
 falling into water. 
 
 Kerslap. Used to indicate a flat fall. 
 
 Kick up a row, or dust^ instead of to create a dis- 
 turbance. 
 
 Kill, {to) instead of to defeat, in politics. 
 
 Kind of, instead of in a manner, or as it were. 
 
 Kink, instead of an accidental knot or twist. Also 
 used incorrectly for a fanciful notion. 
 
VULGARISMS IJV COJSTVERSATWJV', 21b 
 
 Knock, instead of £|,stonish or overwhelm ; as that 
 
 knocks me. 
 Knock about, or round, (to,) instead of to go about. 
 
 LaiTup, instead of beat. 
 
 Lather, instead of beat. 
 
 Law, {to) instead of to go to law. 
 
 Lai/, instead of to lie ; as, he laid down, instead cf 
 he lay down to sleep; or, " the land lays well" 
 
 Lai/. Terms of a bargain, price. Also, the occu- 
 pation or employment of any one. 
 
 Lengthy, lengthily, instead of having length, long ; 
 as, a lengthy oration. 
 
 Let be, {to) instead of to let alone ; as, let me be * 
 
 Let on, instead of to mention, to disclose. 
 
 Let out, instead of to begin narrating. 
 
 Let slide, rip, went, travel, circulate, agitate^ 
 drive, fly, instead of to let go. 
 
 Let up, instead of a release or relief. 
 
 Levee, '' in the United States is often applied to cer- 
 emonious receptions given by official personages, 
 whether in the morning or evening. In England 
 the word is restricted to morning receptions." — 
 Appleton's Cyclopcedia. As the word is of 
 French origin, from levir, to rise, and was at first 
 
216 ART OF COJSrVERSATIOJSr, 
 
 applied to the concourse of people who attended 
 the rising of a prince from bed, it will be seen 
 that the American application of the word to an 
 evenmg reception is very absurd. . 
 
 Licks J instead of efforts, strokes, or exertion. 
 
 LAckety split ^ instead of headlong, very fast. 
 
 Liefer, liever, liefs^ lieves^ instead of more willingly, 
 or rather. 
 
 Liftj. instead of aid, help, or assistance. Also, im- 
 properly used for a ride. 
 
 Like, instead of as, or as if, or as though. A very 
 vulgar and very common expression. Like I al- 
 ways do. He drank like he was used to it. 
 
 Likely, instead of intelligent, promising, or able. 
 Also used to signify beauty. 
 
 Limb. A silly and affected expression for leg. 
 
 Liquor, liquor up, instead of to take a dram. 
 
 Little end o- the horn. Applied, like the Italian 
 word fiasco, (or bottle) to a failure. 
 
 Loafer. Originally applied to a pilferer, and sub- 
 sequently to a vagabond. 
 
 Loan, {to) instead of to lend. 
 
 Locate^ {to') instead of to settle in. 
 
 Looseness^ instead of freedom. A perfect looseness. 
 
 Love, {to) instead of to like. ^' I love apple pie,*' 
 
VULGARISMS ^JV COJVVERSATIOJV, 217 
 
 83,1(1 a lad J. " You could say no more for jour 
 child or husband," replied an old bachelor who 
 was present. 
 hummocks^ instead of a hcavj, stupid fellow. 
 
 Alad^ instead of very angry. " A low word." — 
 Pickering. 
 
 Mail^ instead of post. Mail is properly the bag in 
 which the letters are carried. 
 
 Make a raise, {to) instead of to obtain. 
 
 Make tracks, instead of to go or to run. 
 
 Marm, or Ma'am, instead of Mamma, or mother. 
 My Ma'am says so. 
 
 Mate, or match. Used in speaking of shoes or 
 gloves, for fellow. 
 
 Mean, instead of means. 
 
 Mean^ instead of poor, base, or worthless. 
 
 Meeting, meeting-house, instead of a place of wor- 
 ship, or church. 
 
 Middling, instead of tolerably. 
 
 Middling intei^est, instead of the middle class. 
 
 Midst. In our midst, instead of among us. There 
 is, properly, no such noun as midst. The expres- 
 sion is used by eminent authors, but i3 become 
 vulgar. 
 
218 -^RT OF COJSrVERSATIOJT. 
 
 Mighty^ instead of verj ; as, mighty nice. 
 
 Mind^ {to) instead of to recollect, remember. Abo, 
 instead of to watch, or take care of 
 
 Missing. Among the missing, instead of absent. 
 
 Mistake. And no mistake, instead of sure. 
 
 Mixed up^ instead of confused, promiscuous. 
 
 Monstrous^ instead of very, or exceedingly. 
 
 More, most J instead of the regular comparative and 
 superlative terminations. " A more full vocabu- 
 lary." — See the preface to Worcester's Dio 
 tionary^ 1856. More fond of cards. 
 
 Most^ instead of almost. 
 
 MovCj instead of to remove, or to change one'a re^ir 
 dence. 
 
 Much. Used in praise or dispraise. I d is not 
 much of a man. 
 
 Ailing, instead of false or feigned. From " r .ongrel,^ 
 
 Muss, instead of a quarrel. 
 
 Muss, {to) instead of to disarrange, to disorder. 
 
 Nary, instead of ne'er a. " Did you see Ary Schef- 
 fcr in Paris ? " " Nary SchefFer," was the reply 
 
 Narrate. Used by good authority, but of doubtful 
 excellence. Noi^ate is certainly vulgar. 
 
 Nigh unto, u^ m, instead of nearly'^ o^lmost. 
 
VULGARISMS IJV COJ^VERSATIOJST. 219 
 
 Necessitate, instead of to be obliged, or compelled. 
 
 Nimshi, instead of a foolish fellow. 
 
 Nip and tuck, instead of equal. 
 
 No not. Some people absurdly use double nega- 
 tives; as, I wont no-how; it aint, neither; I 
 aint got none. 
 
 No-account, instead of worthless. A no-account 
 fellow. 
 
 No'hoWj instead of by no means. 
 
 Nothing else. A vulgar affirmation. It aint noth- 
 ing else. 
 
 Notions, instead of small wares, or trifles. 
 
 Notional, instead of whimsical. 
 
 Nub, instead of point, or significance. 
 
 Obliged to be, instead of must be. 
 
 Obligated, instead of to compel. 
 
 Odd stick, or odd fish, instead of eccentric person 
 
 Of. Many people in using the verbs tc smell, feel, 
 
 to taste, supply the preposition of; as, to smell 
 
 of it. 
 Off the handle. To fly off" the handle, instead of 
 
 to fly into a passion. To go off the handle^ 
 
 instead of to die. 
 Offish^ instead of distant. 
 
220 -^^"^ OF CO A" VERS A no f 
 
 Off-set, {to) instead of set-oft. 
 
 Ob/ioxloiis, instead of offensive 
 
 Older-eitj instoad of elder, eldest. 
 
 Old mail, old gentleifnan, instead of father. , 
 
 On. He lives on a street, instead of in a street 
 passage on a steamboat. 
 
 On it, instead of implicated, interested in it, or be- 
 lieving in it. 
 
 9^^ handj instead of at hand, present. 
 
 Ojice and again^ instead of occasionally. 
 
 On the coast J instead of near, close at hand. 
 
 Oncet, (pronounced wunst^ and twicet, or twisty 
 for once and twice. A Saxon form. 
 
 Onto, instead of on, or to. 
 
 On yesterday, instead of yesterday. 
 
 Ought. Wrongly used in hadn't ought, had ought 
 to, don't ought. 
 
 Oiirn, instead of ours. 
 
 Over, instead of under, (or sometimes above) , aa, 
 he writes over the signature of Caius. 
 
 Over-run, instead of to run over. 
 
 Overture, instead of to propose. 
 
 Owdacious, instead of audacious. 
 
 Partly, instead of nearly, or almost. His house is 
 partly opposite to mine. 
 
VULGARISMS IJV CO.YVERSATIOJST, 221 
 
 Patentable^ instead of that may be patented. 
 
 Peaked instead of thin, or emaciated. 
 
 Peg out^ instead of die. 
 
 Pending^ instead of during. A common affectation 
 Pending the conversation. Pending the session. 
 
 Pesky ^ peskily^ instead of annoying. 
 
 Pile^ instead of money amassed, or fortune. 
 
 Place, instead of to identify with one's birth-place 
 or home. I can't place him. 
 
 Plaguy, plaguy sight, instead of very, extremely, 
 or very much. 
 
 Plank, instead of to lay, or put down. 
 
 Play actor, instead of actor. 
 
 Played out, instead of exhausted. 
 
 Plead, instead of pleaded. 
 
 Plum, instead of direct, or straight. He looked me 
 plum in the face. 
 
 Poke fun, (to) instead of to joke, to ridicule. 
 
 Pokerish, instead of frightful, or fearful. 
 
 Poky, instead of stupid. 
 
 Pond. '' Used in America to signify a body of wa- 
 ter smaller than a lake, with either natural or 
 artificial banks. In England the word pond im- 
 plies that the water is confined by an artificial 
 bank." — Appleton's Cyclopcedia. 
 
£22 -^RT OF COJVVERSATIOJS, 
 
 Pony up^ instead of to pay over. 
 
 Posted itp^ instead of fully informed. 
 
 Powerful, instead of very, or exceedingly 
 
 Prayerful and prayerfully^ instead of devoat CI 
 devoutly ; using prayer, or disposed to pray. 
 
 Pray erf Illness y Prayerlessness. The use or neg- 
 lect of prayer, 
 
 Predicated upon, instead of founded upon basis or 
 data. A word of very doubtful purity. 
 
 Pretty considerable, iniddling, instead of tolerable. 
 
 Preventative, instead of preventive. 
 
 Primp up. Dressed up stylishly. 
 
 Profanity. English writers generally use the word 
 profaneness. 
 
 Professor, instead of one who is professedly reli- 
 gious. As a title, the word is incorrectly ap- 
 plied except to a teacher in an university or col- 
 lege. 
 
 Proper, instead of very ; as, proper frightened. 
 
 Proud, instead of glad. He is proud to know. 
 
 Proud, instead of honor. Sir, you do me proud. 
 
 Pucker {in a). Fright, agitation. 
 
 Pull foot pull it, instead of to walk fast, or run. 
 
 Ptit. Stay put, instead of to remain in order. 
 
 Put, put out, put off. To decamp. 
 
VULGARISMS Ijy COJVVERSATIO.Y, 223 
 
 Pvi the licks in. To exert oneself. 
 
 Put through, instead of to accomplish, or conclude. 
 
 Quite, instead of very ; as> it is quite cold. 
 
 Rail, {to) instead of to travel by rail. 
 
 Raise a racket, raise Cain, {to^ instead of to make 
 a noise. 
 
 Rake down. To reduce, to mortify. 
 
 Reckon, instead of to think or imagine. 
 
 Reliable, instead of trustworthy. 
 
 Rehash, instead of repetition. 
 
 Remind, instead of remember. 
 
 Renewedly, instead of anew, again, once more. 
 
 Rendition, instead of rendering. 
 
 Reropen. To open again. A word of doubtful cor- 
 rectness. 
 
 Result, {to) instead of to decree, or to decide. 
 
 Resurrect, instead of to reanimate. 
 
 Retiracy, instead of retirement, or a competency. 
 
 Rich, instead of entertaininor or amusinf]^. 
 
 Ride, instead of to carry or transport. In England 
 the word is restricted by writers of the present 
 day, to going on horseback. 
 
 Rights {to), right aioay, right off, instead of di- 
 rectly, or at once. 
 
224 -^RT OF COJSrVERSATIO.W, 
 
 Right smarts instead of large, or great. 
 
 Rile, To make angry. Provincial in England. 
 
 Rise J rising^ instead of more. A thousand and the 
 rise. Rising a thousand dollars. 
 
 Rocks, instead of money, or stones. 
 
 Roo7?i, instead of to occupy a room, or to lodge. 
 
 Rope in, instead of to decoy, or to inveigle. 
 
 Rounds. Going the rounds of the papers is called 
 an Americanism in England. 
 
 Rowdy, instead of a riotous, turbulent fellow. 
 
 Row up, instead of to punish with words, or to 
 rebuke. 
 
 Ruu, run upon, instead of to quiz. 
 
 Run one's face, instead of to get credit by a good 
 personal appearance. 
 
 Run to the ground, instead of to carry to excess. 
 
 Rush, instead of spirit, or energy. 
 
 River, English say '' the river Thames." Ameri- 
 cans say, '* the Ohio river." 
 
 Safe, instead of sure, certain. 
 
 Sauce, instead of culinary vegetables and roots. 
 
 Save, instead of to make sure, or to kill. 
 
 Saw instead of jokc^ or trick. To run a saw on him 
 
 Scallawag, instead of vile fellow, or scamp. 
 
VULGARISMS IJV COJYVERSATIOJV. 225 
 
 Scare tip, instead of to find. 
 
 Scary, instead of easily scared. 
 
 School Ma'am, instead of school mistress or teacher 
 
 Scooped him in, instead of inveigled. 
 
 Scoot, instead of to walk fast. 
 
 Scratch, {no great) instead of value. • 
 
 Scraiojiy, instead of spare, cr bony. 
 
 Scrimp, instead of scanty. Of doubtful propriety 
 
 Scroiige, instead of to crowd. 
 
 Scrumptions^ instead of scrupulous. 
 
 Sciip, instead of swing. 
 
 Scnrry, instead of to scour, to run in haste. 
 
 Scurse, Scuss, instead of scarce. 
 
 Seen, instead of saw. 
 
 Serious, instead of religious. 
 
 Serve np, {to) instead of to expose to ridicule. 
 
 Set, instead of obstinate ; as, a set man. 
 
 Set, instead of to fix, or to obstruct, or to stop. 
 
 Settle, {to) instead of ordained. He settled in the 
 
 ministry very young. 
 Shack, instead of a vagabond. 
 Shake a stick at. A vulgar comparative. 
 Shanghai, instead of fop. 
 Shew, (pronounced shoo)^ instead of showed. 1 
 
 shew him the difierence. A very vulgar error. 
 10* 
 
226 -^^2^ OF COJVVERSATIOJV 
 
 Shimmy ^ instead of chemise. 
 
 ^hin round. To flj about. 
 
 S/ii?idi/, instead of a riot, a liking, or fancy. 
 
 Shi?ie. Show, display. She cut a shine. Also, tc 
 succeed with. He shines up to her. 
 ^ Shingle y instead of sign. / 
 
 Shinplaster, A small bank-note. 
 
 Shote. A worthless fellow. 
 
 Shyster. A low lawyer. A word of filthy Ger- 
 man origin, and utterly unfit to use. 
 
 Sick. Sickness is only applicable to nausea, or sick- 
 ness at the stomach. It is the common Ameri- 
 can word for ill. 
 
 Sight. A great many, a deal. 
 
 Skeary., instead of scary. 
 
 Skedaddle^ [to) instead of to escape, or to depart 
 
 Skimped^ instead of scanty. 
 
 Slantendictdar. Aslant. 
 
 Slick upy {to) instead of to make fine. 
 
 Slimsy, instead of flimsy. 
 
 Slink. A sneaking fellow. 
 
 Slipe, A distance. 
 
 Slop*. To run away, to evade. 
 
 Smart. In America, smart is used as signifying 
 quick, or shrewd. In England, it usttally has the 
 meaning of showy. 
 
VULGARISMS IJS" COJSTVERSATIOJST. 22T 
 
 Smart chance^ instead of a good opportunity. Like 
 it, we have a smart piece, and a smart sprinkle. 
 
 Smouch, {to) instead of to cheat. A Jew, in Eng- 
 land is vulgarly called a smouch. 
 
 Snake {to). To crawl like a snake. To cunningly 
 advance towards one. 
 
 Snarl, instead of an entangled quarrel. 
 
 Snippy, snippish, instead of finical, or conceited. 
 
 So, instead of such. '' Prof. W , who has ac- 
 quired so high distinction." — Bartlett. 
 
 ^ockdolloger. A final argument, or blow. 
 
 Sock. Sock down. To pay money down. 
 
 Soft sodder, soap. Flattery, soft persuasion. 
 
 Some. Of some account, famous. Of the same 
 application, some pumpkins. 
 
 Soon^ instead of early. Sooner, very soon, instead 
 of at once, or directly, or soon. 
 ' Sozzle. To immerse. To move whi^e dipping. 
 
 Sound on the goose. True, staunch. 
 
 Span of horses. An Americanism applied to a 
 pair, and always implies resembance. "The word 
 signifies, properly, the same as yoke, when applied 
 to hcrned cattle." — Bartlett. 
 
 Spark {to). To court. 
 
 Spat. A slap, a quarrel. 
 
228 -^^^ OF COJKTERSATIOJV. 
 
 Specie, instead of species. Specie is hard mDncy. 
 /Spell. A turn of work. A time, an interval. 
 iSpit curl. A lock of hair curled upon the temple 
 Split. A division, dissension. Also, a rapid pace j 
 
 as, full split. To inform on. 
 Splurge. A blustering demonstration, a swagger, a 
 
 dash. 
 Spoopsy A silly fellow. 
 Sposh. Mud, or snow and water. 
 Spread oneself (to). To make great efforts. 
 Spread eagle. Applied to vulgar rant and bombast: 
 
 It is rapidly becoming a very contemptuous term. 
 Spree {to). To riot, and get drunk. 
 Sprouts {a course of). A severe initiation. The 
 
 term is derived from the Thompsonian practice. 
 
 " Vegetable.'' 
 Spry. Lively, active. Provincial in England. 
 Spunk. Spirit, vivacity. A very vulgar word. 
 Spiaivk, instead of a failure. 
 Squiggle. To wriggle. 
 Squirt. A coxcomb. A vulgar word. 
 Squush. To crush. 
 Stag. Where only male persons are assembled. A 
 
 stag party. 
 Stamping ground. A favorite aud familiar pUce 
 
 of resort. 
 
VULGARISMS J,V COJ^VERSATIOJW 229 
 
 Stand. The situation ot a place of business. 
 
 Stand treat {to). To pay for a treat. 
 
 Stave along. To hurry onward. 
 
 Steamboat. A dashing, go-ahead character. 
 
 Steepj or tall. Great, magnificent. 
 
 Stick {to). To impose upon, to render liable. 
 
 Stopj {to) instead of to stay for a time. 
 
 Stoiitj instead of obstinate. 
 
 Straight out. Downright, candid. 
 
 Strapped. Wanting money. * 
 
 Streaked^ streaky ^ instead of alarmed. 
 
 Streak it {to). To run fast. 
 
 Stretch {on a). Continuously. 
 
 String. A row, a number. 
 
 Stripe. Pattern, sort. 
 
 Stuffy. Angry, obstinate, sulky. 
 
 Stump {to). To challenge. To confound 
 
 Suck in {to). To deceive. A low word. 
 
 Sucker. A mean fellow. A drunkard. One who 
 
 imposes or preys on others. 
 Susjjicion^ {to) instead of to suspect. 
 Swap, sivop, instead of barter, or exchange. 
 Systemize, {to) instead of to systematize. " A 
 
 word rarely used by good writers." — Worcest Eii 
 
230 -^-^2^ OF COJVVERSATIOJSr, 
 
 Take to do (to). To take to task. To T^prove. 
 
 ' Taint J instead of it is not. 
 
 Take the back track {to). To recede. 
 
 Take the rag of {to). To surpass. 
 
 Take on {to). To grieve, mourn. 
 
 Talk^ (a) instead of conversation, or discussion. 
 
 Tall^ instead of fine, splendid, or grand. 
 
 Tavern. In England, only food or drink, and noft 
 
 lodging, is provided at a tavern. 
 Tax, instead of charge. What do you tax us for it ? 
 Team. A person of energy. He is a whole team. 
 Teetotally ., Entirely, totally. 
 Tell^ instead of report. A compliment ; as, I've a 
 
 tell for you. 
 Tell on {to). To tell of, to tell about. - 
 Tend, instead of attend, or wait. 
 The. Vulgarly used before the names of diseases ; 
 
 as, he died of the cholera. Many persons say, he 
 
 speaks the French, or the German. The correct 
 
 mode of expression would be, he speaks French, 
 
 or the French language. 
 There. Used for the future tense with I am ; as, 
 
 I'm there. 
 This here, and that there, for this, and that. 
 Those sort of things, instead of that sort of things. 
 
VULGARISMS IJST COJVVERSATIOJS' 231 
 
 Throw in. To contribute. 
 
 Thundering, instead of very. 
 
 Tie to. instead of to trust, to rely on. 
 
 Tight, instead of tipsy. 
 
 Tight place — squeeze, instead of a diflSculty. 
 
 To, instead of in, or at. He is to home. 
 
 Toe the mark {to). To fulfil obligations. 
 
 Top notch. The highest point. 
 
 Tote, instead of to carry. 
 
 Touch. No touch to it. Not to be compared to it. 
 
 Trainers, trabiing. The militia when assembled 
 
 for exercise. 
 Travel, instead of to depart. 
 Try on, instead of to try. . 
 Tuckered out. Fatigued, exhausted. 
 Tuck, for took. 
 Transient. A transient boarder. Not used in this 
 
 sense in England. 
 Transpire, instead of to happen, or to be done. 
 
 Uncommon, instead of uncommonly. 
 
 Up to the hub. To the extreme. 
 
 Upper ten-thousand [the). A silly slang term foi 
 
 the higher circles of society. 
 Use up, (Jo) instead of to exhaust. 
 
282 -^RT OF COJVVERSATIOJV. 
 
 Vamose. (Let us go. Spanish.) Used instead of 
 
 depart, be off. To vamose the ranch. 
 Vum, (/) instead of I vow, or declare. 
 
 Wake up the wrong passenger {to). To make a 
 mistake as to an individual. 
 
 Walk chalk. To walk straight. 
 
 Walk into {to). To take the advantage of. To 
 punish, or treat severely. 
 
 Walking papers. Orders to leave • dismissal. 
 
 Wallop {to). To beat. 
 
 Wamble cropt. Depressed ; humiliated. 
 
 Wa^nt, instead of was not, and were not. 
 
 Want to know ? Do tell 7 Very vulgar inter- 
 jections. 
 
 Ways, Way, distance, space. 
 
 Ways. No tivo ways about it, instead of the fact 
 is just so. 
 
 Well to do — to live^ instead of well off. 
 
 We?it. You should have went, instead of you 
 should have gone. 
 
 Whap over {to). To knock over. 
 
 Whapper, whopper. Anything uncommonly largo. 
 
 What for a. What for a man is that ? instead vt 
 what kind of a man is that ? 
 
VULGARISMS JJV COJVVERSATIOJT. 233 
 
 IVhichj instead of' what, who, he, they. Also very 
 vulgarly used as a pleonasm. Mr. Brown which 
 he said he would go. 
 
 While, instead of till, or until. Stay while I come . 
 
 Whittled down to. Reduced. 
 
 Whole heap. Many, all, several, much. 
 
 Whole soided. Noble minded. '' A phrase in great 
 favor with persons fond of fine talking." — Bart- 
 
 LETT. 
 
 Whole team. A general compliment, implying tho 
 
 possession of many powers. 
 Wide awake, instead of on the alert. 
 Wilt down {to). To depress. 
 Wind up, instead of to silence ; to settle. 
 Wire edge. The edge removed in the form of a 
 
 strip when sharpening a tool. It is incorrectly 
 
 used to signify a sharp, or fine edge. 
 Wool over the eyes {to draw the). To impose on. 
 Worryment. Trouble, anxiety. 
 Worst kind of, instead of in the worst or severest 
 
 manner. 
 Wi^ath. Like all wrath, instead of violently. 
 Wrathy, instead of angry. 
 Yank. A jerk. To yank, to bring forth ; pull out * 
 
 manipulate. 
 
234 -^RT OF C0JVVERSAT10J>r, 
 
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