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 D'HORSAY; 
 
 ' rt^ 
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 
 
 BY 
 
 A MAN OF FASHION. 
 
 IN ONE VOLUME. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 WILLIAM STRANGE, 21 PATERNOSTER ROW. 
 
 1844.
 
 LONDON: 
 
 PRIMED BY HEYNELL AND WEIGHT, 
 LITTLE PULTENEY STREET.
 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 When the task of jotting down these cursory glances of 
 life, and the essence of the age in which we live, was 
 commenced by the delineator of them, he believed that 
 he should incur the displeasure and hostility of many. 
 Kt the same time he felt the assurance that no one 
 could entertain these affections towards the teller of 
 truth, save those who had great cause to dread the 
 disclosure of it. Fearlessly and carelessly, therefore, he 
 has continued his labours ; and should the result of 
 them prove to a single sceptic how fruitless it is to join 
 the gaudy train of Folly, how painful to make pleasure 
 the business of existence, then will they meet with a 
 reward more than commensurate to the exertion. 
 
 G89G15
 
 D'HORSAY; 
 
 OB, 
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 In the vicinity of Curzon street, Mayfair, tliere was, and, for 
 aught we know to the contrary, there may be, a house of strange 
 a!vl peculiar architecture. Its construction was such as to give 
 an appearance of ample room, whereas, in truth, it was the veriest 
 nut-shell of a place that can Avell be conceived. The wide door, 
 which opened only in the middle, formed quite two-thirds of the 
 front, and yet, to the casual observer, it would seem the portal of 
 a mansion of imposing aspect. Never was there such a deceptive 
 house ! How it contrived to hug its neighbours so closely, and 
 blend them, as it were, with its own bricks and mortar, is a mys- 
 tery which we confess ourselves inadequate to solve. Sufficient 
 to say, that if a house obtaining a character under false pretences 
 is an indictable offence, this, of all others, should be selected for 
 exemplary and condign punishment. The interior, too, had a 
 corresponding effect ; for although elegant and refined taste was 
 displayed in all its garniture and profusion of luxurious trifles, yet 
 the same crafty attempt to appear above its size was palpaple 
 everywhere. Large mirrors, multiplying their reflected surfaces, 
 and some cunningly devised to be a^iproached by marble steps, 
 gave an expansive semblance to the rooms, and all in all, " to 
 seem what it was not," was declared in every brick, nook, and 
 corner of this false and subtle edifice. 
 
 Tlie time was morning ; that is, although tlie sun had been dip- 
 ping a full hour from his altitude, it -was still, in the world of
 
 2 d'horsay ; or, 
 
 fashion, tlie beginning of the day, and the beginning of the day 
 is o-enerallv understood to come under the denomination of that 
 division of tlie hours' flight. 
 
 In the lower room of this house of counterfeit show, sat, or 
 ratlier lounged, a leader of the votaries of pleasure. The Mar- 
 quis D'Horsay was, indeed, " the glass of fashion, and the mould 
 of form." From the colour and tie of the kerchief which adorned 
 his neck, to the spurs ornamenting the heels of his patent boots, 
 he was the original for countless copyists, particularly and collec- 
 tively. Even the brow which the ducal coronet occasionally 
 pressed, was proud to wear the hat imitated from the model, which 
 every aspiring Tittlebat Titmouse of the age strove to copy in his 
 gossamer. The hue and cut of his many faultless coats, the turn 
 of his closely-fitting inexpressibles, the shade of his gloves, the 
 knot of his scarf, were studied by the motley multitude with 
 greater interest and avidity than objects more profitable and 
 worthy of their regard, perchance, could possibly hope to obtain. 
 Nor did the beard that flourished luxuriantly upon the delicate and 
 nicely-chiselled features of the Marqiiis, escape the universal 
 imitation. Those who could not cultivate their scanty crops into the 
 desirable arrangement, had recourse to art and stratagem to supply 
 the natural deficiency. Atkinson and Row^land revelled in the 
 attempts. From the extreme east to the far west ends of Lon- 
 don, lights and shadows of the Marquis were plentiful as daisies 
 in merry May. Wristbands, both false and real, were turned 
 over cufls of every dye and texture, and, in short, from the most 
 essential article of the modish lion's dress to the most trifling, not 
 an item was left confined to its pristine state of originality. And 
 this general monomania was not restricted only to " the fashion 
 which adorned his person." The style of his equipage, the richly 
 ornamented harness, the dainty stepping of his cavalier horse, the 
 very boots of the tiger-cub in attendance in the rear, were all 
 objects of envy and close imitation. Many a hired nag has had 
 reason to sorrow for the high-stepping example. How often of a 
 Sunday afternoon might divers couples of dashing stool jockies be 
 seen in striped and picked-out dennet, tilbury, and " shay Avith a 
 kiver, called a cab-ri-o-ly," taking up another hole in the bearing- 
 rein, and establishing a tender spot, by the vulgar termed a raw, 
 in order to obtain a little action. How frequently would a sly 
 button be fixed to the end of the thong, that a stinging and silent
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. " 3 
 
 cut miofht be administered without attractinc: the notice of Sir 
 Peter Laurie, or any other employe of the Society for Preventing 
 CrAelty to Animals, now and for ever in sturdy opposition to the 
 patent wood pavement companies. We repeat, how often have 
 these things been noticed, and yet, until now, left unrecorded. 
 
 Enveloped in a loose morning wrapper, composed of rose- 
 coloured silk, figured with white flowers, and with the tips of his 
 toes balancing a couple of intricately-wrought slippers, the Mar- 
 quis reclined in a superlatively easy chair. Within reach of his 
 dexter hand was a table bearing an untasted breakfast. The cho- 
 colafe was cold, the viands untouched. Was it thought, care, 
 ennui, or what of the many causes that, acting dully on the brain, 
 made the Marquis look insensible to external matters ? His chin 
 was buried in his breast, and his eyes bent abstractedly on a little 
 pink cocked-hat note, still sealed, which he kept twirling between 
 his fingers. 
 
 " No ; I really must reform," soliloquised he, taking a small 
 pocket-glass from the mantle, and surveying minutely the extreme 
 ■corners of his eyes. "Already there are strong indications of the 
 germs of wrinkles sown by the small hours ; and yet what would 
 life be without them, at least my life ? Faugh ! 'tis always thus. 
 I ever feel saintly when worn and weary." 
 
 The truth was out. Lassitude from the previous night's excess 
 drooped the energies of our hero. He felt like a lily severed from 
 its root, or a plucked rose flagging in a July noon, or, in a more 
 familiar simile of a celebrated conductor to an omnibus, he felt 
 " baked." " Ah !" continued the Marquis, breaking the seal of 
 the note, and glancing at its contents, he threw it carelessly from 
 him, " it is so with all of them. Doubts, fears, sighs, and tears. 
 What would life be without them — at least my life ?" And at the 
 conclusion of this self-interrogatory, he relapsed into his former 
 listless state. 
 
 At this moment an assault was made upon the street door in the 
 shape of a thundering rap-tapping which, for loudness and dura- 
 tion, was never surpassed in the neiglibourhood of May fair. A 
 stoic, an Indian from the Rocky Mountains of the Far West, or a 
 candidate well qualified for the deaf asylum, might have listened 
 unmoved ; but one sensitive to sound could scarcely be anticipated 
 so to act, and therefore a start and sudden exclamation of the 
 monosyllable, " Oh ! " on the part of the Marquis, was no veiy 
 unnatural proceeding.
 
 4 D horsay; or, 
 
 '^ Mr Pelliam," announced the servant, flinging open the door 
 of tlie apartment. 
 
 " Would to heaven, my dear fellow," observed the Marquis, 
 extending two fingers for a shake, but without raising his head to 
 look at his visitor, " would to heaven you would give directions 
 to your creature to study one's nerves. Positively," continued 
 he, " I'm disagreeably convinced, at this instant, of the possession 
 of that which, only last night, I declared, upon the honour of a 
 gentleman, I had parted with for ever." 
 
 "And what may that be?" inquired his friend, looking 
 askance, in a well-adapted mirror, at a remarkably handsome 
 profile, which he called " his own, and own only." 
 
 " My heart, Pelham, my heart," replied the Marquis, smiling 
 blandly, and pressing the left fluttering side of his body. 
 
 " Come, that's very good," rejoined his companion, occupying 
 a chair, and running his fingers through some dark-brown ringlets. 
 " But I saw a fair one at the Opera last night," continued he, 
 " Avho flattered herself, in years gone by, that she possessed it 
 whole and entire." 
 
 " What, my " 
 
 " Don't say the word," interrupted his friend. " I know of 
 none in the English language so replete with vulgarity." 
 
 " Cava sposa, I was about observing," added the Marquis. 
 
 " All ! that's an improvement, certainly," observed Mr Pel- 
 ham. " You were aware of her presence ? " continued he, inter- 
 rogatively. 
 
 " Ye — es," replied the Marquis, with an air and tone that trod 
 closely on the heels of a yawn. " By a tangent and reflected 
 light, I was sensible that such must be the case." 
 
 "How so?" 
 
 " A well, but not perfectly concealed embarrassment on the 
 part of my lady, informed me," returned the Marquis, lazily. 
 " She pretended to sweep the circles twice or thrice with her 
 glass," continued he ; " but I saw that her eyes were fixed on the 
 opposite side of the house, and from a slight quiver of the lip, I 
 knew who must be there." 
 
 " The Marchioness had a companion," remarked Mr Pelham, 
 tapping his well-appointed foot with his gold-mounted cane. 
 
 "Indeed!" 
 
 " Wliat, you didn't observe the occupants, then?" said his 
 companion.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE CAY. 
 
 " No ; I studiously avoided turning my eyes to that quarter," 
 replied tlie Marquis. ^' An accidental circumstance of the kind 
 has occasioned scenes behind the curtain, and I detest the trouble 
 they entail." 
 
 " 'Tis truly wise to be guided by precedent," returned his 
 friend. " But I should have thought you could scarcely have 
 failed seeing the author of that very personal production in which 
 I conspicuously and unfairly move and have my being." 
 
 " Some, soine few entertain a different opinion," rejoined the 
 Marquis, laughing. " But no matter, Pelham," continued he. 
 " Praise undeserved never ensures an extensive notoriety, while 
 censure seldom fails to produce it, whether merited or not." 
 
 " An axiom for my next novel," added his companion, taking 
 some ivory tablets from his pocket and making a memorandum of 
 the self-evident demonstration. " Like all great men," continued 
 he, " fame to me is the idol — the shrine for my concentrated de- 
 votions. I care not for any sublunary evils — not even a dun — so 
 long as the trumpet-tongued divinity puffs me in accordance with 
 my own ideas of well-eai*ned distinction." 
 
 " You have named about the only exception I should have 
 objected to," observed the Marquis, raising himself Avith con- 
 siderable effort, and exhibiting a spirit in the tone of his voice 
 which strongly smacked of sincerity. " A dun," continued he, 
 " is a monster of awful shape ! His single knock in the early morn 
 reverberates upon the discomposed nerves, and, in the words of 
 one of you immortal poets, horridly shakes our dispositions with 
 thoughts beyond the reaches of our souls. In a moment, 
 mpmory — the lightning of the mind — recals the overdrawn ac- 
 ^unt, the unreal, gliostly credit of men who quarter on the mass. 
 Reflections upon a certain amusement, yclept kite-flying, crowd 
 irresistibly in the medley of associations, and bring forth too fre- 
 quently the impression that not another fictitious promise to pay 
 could be added to the motley group, bearing one's autograph in 
 many, alas ! too confiding martyrs' hands. By the way, tliis puts 
 me in mind of a bon mot from Anderson yesterday. Alluding to 
 the unprecedented number of aristocratic signatures in his pos- 
 session, for hunters, hacks, and park horses, he declared as his 
 religious belief, couched in very strong terms, that if the paper 
 on which they were flourished was made into one entire kite, and 
 he looped to its tail, no power could bring him to earth again, but 
 that he should fly for ever."
 
 6 d'iiorsay ; or, 
 
 " The magnitude of the instrument woukl doubtlessly con- 
 tribute to its powers of floating interminably through infinity 
 of space," replied Mr Pelham, smiling. *' But to my purpose 
 of calling upon you this morning. Will you favour me by 
 sketching my portrait? It's to be engraved by Ryall; published 
 and submitted to all the crowned heads in Europe, by that most 
 facetious tuft-hunter and publisher, Mr Moon, of Threadbodkin 
 street." 
 
 " Really, if such are to be the vehicles for bringing it before 
 the public," rejoined the Marquis, " I shall not hesitate to grant 
 your request ; but to be conscious that a copy of a drawing of 
 mine was to be seen as a peripatetic advertisement, unstamped 
 and defrauding the revenue, dangling on a nail in one of those 
 plebeian vehicles, called, I am given to understand, an omnibus, 
 would positively render me reluctant to do so." 
 
 Just at this time a second vigorous assault Avas made upon the 
 street door, and without ceremony, — for the newcomer gave no 
 time for the servant to annoimce him in form, — a third was added 
 to the party. He was a well-made man, possessing strongly-knit 
 thews and sinews. His broad and ample chest was made the 
 most of by a coat and waistcoat thrown back to the utmost of 
 their capacities, and, although they caused an appearance of his 
 having lately been exposed to some strong gusts of wind in his 
 front, set off" the proportions of his frame to some advantage. 
 His hair was light, and his thickly-grown whiskers — much resem- 
 bling those of the Marquis in shape — were of that doubtful hue 
 called auburn by friendly tongues, and red by inimical. The cos- 
 tume was certainly of the order called singular 5 consisting of a 
 sky-blue broad-skirted coat with large gilt buttons, a crimson 
 velvet waistcoat, a violet satin scarf, sticking out like the inflated 
 crop of a pigeon, and canary-coloured, tight-fitting trousers. 
 There was an undeniable expression of good humour and self- 
 satisfaction in his features, which, if not very prepossessing, were 
 anything but the reverse ; and, altogether, the Earl of Chester- 
 lane, for it was he in propria persona, was a man not to be passed 
 in a crowd Avithout the observation of observers. 
 
 After salutations, and warm ones too, were exchanged, and 
 some trifling but confidential matters discussed concerning some 
 affairs d'amour, the Earl said, " Aljout the finest diversion that 
 can well be conceived is on tlie tapi"." 
 
 "And what m;iy thrit be, my dear Tom," inquired the
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 7 
 
 Marquis, sipping with some reluctance a minimum drop of 
 chocolate. 
 
 " The Coimt's going to be sold a respectable bargain. A very 
 nice lot indeed, and he shall have it," continued the Earl, " upon 
 his own terms." 
 
 " Let us hear the particulars," observed Pelham. 
 
 " He has had a liquorish tooth for some time past for the 
 Bokon-street belle," replied the Earl ; " and she, cunning minx 
 that she is, consented to listen to his tale of love, provided a very 
 comfortable annuity was settled upon her. Ha, ha, ha ! The 
 poor deluded man agreed and begged of me, as the greatest boon I 
 could possibly bestow, to become trustee in the matter." 
 
 " But of course you did not," observed the Marquis. 
 
 " As a matter of course I did" returned the Earl, " inasmuch 
 as I was advised strenuously by a well-meaning fellow at my 
 elbow, to have no interference whatever in the affair, and, as you 
 know, I invariably do that which I'm told not, upon eveiy occa- 
 sion of my life." 
 
 " The innate law of contradiction must be one of the first in 
 your nature," remarked Mr Pelham. 
 
 " I dare say it is," replied the Earl ; *' but I never troubled 
 myself with the inquiry. However, to continue my story. There 
 was one stipulation I bargained for. A bet of a cool thousand, 
 p. p., that she made a clean bolt of it within a little month of the 
 start. 'Gad, Sirs ! the Count snapped at the offer, like a trout at 
 a Mayfly. It was booked on the instant ; and if he isn't cooked 
 brown, say that I'm no judge of beauty." 
 
 " Wherefore do you draw that inference?" observed the 
 Marquis. 
 
 *' From a certain source of information which cannot admit of 
 a doubt." 
 
 " Did the lady tell you that such was her intention ? " inquired 
 Pelham. 
 
 " Not exactly," replied the Earl. " But Nedstone is in the 
 race, and it's more than two to one he bears away the plate over 
 aflat." 
 
 " Good, very good," returned the Marquis, nodding his head 
 in patronage of the wit; " but the time named is short for the 
 event to come off." 
 
 " I would have made it half the time with trifling odds — one 
 point would have been sufiicient," added the Earl. " Poor i;i-
 
 8 1) HOllSAV ; OR, 
 
 laluated Calalany ! I would be sony for your unhappy, mis- 
 placed confidence, was there a pip of sympathy left for deceived 
 liumanity." 
 
 " Your stock, then, is exhausted," observed Pelham. 
 
 *' Quite so ; the last remnant went as balmy unction to the 
 f-hclled jiockets of Muffield, when Caravan was troubled 'v\ ith the 
 slows at that Derby which will never be effaced from his memory 
 or mine. 'Tis an ill wind that bloMS nobody good." 
 
 " By-the-by, Cerito appears to-morrow night, I see," observed 
 the Marquis, glancing at the columns of the Morning Post, 
 spread, after being well aired, upon the breakfast table. 
 
 " I don't think she will," replied the Earl ; " for we intend 
 teaching Laporte a lesson, after the opera, for not engaging Tam- 
 burini ; and should he decline making a handsome apology for 
 his culpable refusal to accede to the tenor's terms, and an arrange- 
 ment to engage him immediately, there will be no Cerito." 
 
 " I hope she's pretty," remarked Pelham. 
 
 " If not, her doom's sealed," replied the Marquis. 
 
 " We'll not have her a second night, be she equal to Terp- 
 sichore." 
 
 '' Laporte is aware of that," said the Earl, " and Avould not 
 cater in opposition to our tastes : he knows full well how much 
 depends upon the omnibus box." 
 
 " And so there's to be a row," remarked Pelham. 
 
 " A Tamburini riot, a regular shindy," replied the Earl, " after 
 our dinner in Arlington street. Till when adieu, au revoir." 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 Much has been said and written of and concerning " high life 
 below stairs ; " but few have correct notions of the extent to which 
 this counterfeit imitation of the habits and etiquette of the " exclu- 
 bives" is carried out among their obsequious grooms, flunkeys, 
 tigers, and cubs. At many public-houses in the environs of Pic- 
 cadilly, and such like aristocratic neighbourhoods, clubs are held 
 and conducted by committees and secretaries, and all forms observed 
 with as much punctiliousness as in the more refined locale of the 
 Carlton, the Athenaeum, or the United Service. Here, on certain 
 appointed evenings, congregate the bloated porter j the butler, 
 with face painted and deeply dyed with his master's best and
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 9 
 
 choicest wines ; the dainty footman, powdered and perfumed, re- 
 joiciiigin six feet one, with calves moulded in Nature's faultless 
 form ; the slang-tongued groom, looking out of his top boots and 
 over his white neckcloth, the very image of impudence personified ; 
 coachmen, with double chins, and waistcoats having double the 
 quantity of material to those of the general order of men ; mincing 
 valets, who have travelled and seen the world with the same advan- 
 tages of a certain monkey of old ; and the small fry following in 
 their wake, too numerous and too unimportant to describe. Ready 
 at the j^eck and call, obedient as spaniels in a leash, it is scarcely to 
 be credited, in the trusting minds of masters and mistresses, that 
 their household affairs, whispered conferences, confidential com- 
 munications, diplomatic circumventions, and most secret arrange- 
 ments are discussed in these societies with a freedom of speech 
 and liberty of manner which might put the House of Commons to 
 the blush in its most rollicking humour to make itself a bye-word 
 of reproach. Here all hypocrisy of respect is abandoned. The 
 ti'uth is stripped of all disguise. They are no longer menials, but 
 inquisitors and arbitrators. Many, ay, many a man has received 
 a push on the slope of ruin, which, if traced to its proper source, 
 would be discovered to be from the unseen hand and licensed 
 tongue of his domestic. 
 
 At a well-known house, called ' The Coach and Horses,' a club 
 of this description is held, and among the number of members 
 there is a considerable sprinkling of touts, legs, and sporting cha- 
 racters of all kinds in a small line of business. 
 
 It was Saturday night, and the club-room, as usual, crowded 
 to excess. The atmosphere was dense and foggy, arising from 
 every pair of lips pufiing forth an unintermitting volume of curl- 
 ing smoke from the dried and fragrant weed. A goodly array of 
 bottles stood upon the table, flanked by the company, containing 
 wines and liquors of many sorts and kinds, from the common dis- 
 tillation of Booth's cordial to the expensive Chateau INIargeaux. 
 Nor did it depend entirely on the tastes of the individuals present 
 as to their selection of the refreshing fluids, but rather upon their 
 temporary means ; for each had to pay for what he ordered, or 
 sliare of the expenses of his mess. Those who were " in luck " 
 evinced their condition by confidence of tone and carelessness of 
 charges, while those whose exchequers rendered an account of 
 beggarly purses exhibited a corresponding and seemly humility.
 
 10 d'horsay ; OR, 
 
 " Well, Lusliy ! " exclaimed a short, thick-set man, in the garb 
 of a groom out of livery, to a companion opposite of a similar 
 cast ; " well, Lushy ! how long will your swell cove carry on 
 the war ? " 
 
 " Two months, three weeks, and four days," was the reply. 
 
 " Come, that's keeping a very strict tally," rejoined the ques- 
 tioner. *' What makes ye think that's the nick o'time for the 
 smash ? " 
 
 " Shallow, of Henrietta street, can stump him up on that day if 
 he likes, and I'll be d — d if the power with liim isn't shadow to 
 the deed," returned the individual addressed as Lushy. 
 
 " That it is, and no mistake," added the first speaker. " I'd 
 make hay while the sun shines if I were you." 
 
 " I've feathered my nest as well as I can," was the rejoinder. 
 '' I've been round to all the tradesmen that would tip for the 
 information, and, putting on the screw off'-hand, some of 'em's got 
 their rowdy." 
 
 " How thankful and grateful they ought to be," added the 
 inquirer. " Sink my blessed hopes ! but they ought to think of 
 us when they're whistling hymns. I gave our state pig warning 
 yesterday," continued he, sending a volume of smoke from his 
 mouth, and watching its fantastic shapes curling upwards. 
 
 " What was the split about ? " asked Lushy. 
 
 " He ordered the 'osses by three o'clock the day before, and 
 because I chanced not to be round quite by five, raised his hackles, 
 and came the grumble." 
 
 " What can ye expect but a grunt from a hog ! " observed 
 Lushy ; " there's no other tune, I believe, to be had from a porker." 
 
 " Talking of beasts," replied his companion, ** puts me in mind 
 of your late employer. Do you know what's become of him ?" 
 
 " Plucked, stumped, and mizzled," replied Lushy; " and," 
 continued he, after swallowing the major part of a large glass of 
 brandy and water, " it sarved him right." 
 
 Cards, dice, backgammon-boards, and betting were now intro- 
 duced. Money in various sums, wine, glasses of cold without, 
 hot with, goes of gins, quarterns and half quarterns, and every 
 kind of quality, quantity, and description of stimulating fluids, 
 were the stakes to be played for. The conversation was upon the 
 general topics of the day ; but racing, hunting, and the ring formed 
 the leading subjects of interest.
 
 THE FOLLIKS OF THE DAY. 
 
 11 
 
 At the end of the room, farthest from the door, a man was 
 sittingf of that genus properly described " doubtful" It was next 
 to impossible to form an opinion, from his outward bearing, of 
 what he was or what he had been. He might be a faded horse- 
 dealer, a stage-coachman out of place, a tout at his wits' end for 
 lies or villany, a broken-down blackleg, a withered bonnet from a 
 closed gambling-house, an uncertificated bankrupt in the tliimble- 
 rio" line, or any one of these questionable occupations, abandoned, 
 long since, by the fickle goddess and her favours. He was a tall, 
 lank figure, with features more striking for their peculiarly unpre- 
 possessing expression than any other quality. The countenance 
 of which he was the proprietor could not be justly accused of 
 being more offensively ugly than many of its fellows then present ; 
 but there was such a monkey-in-a-vicious-mood-like, starved-rat 
 look about his closely-set, twinkling grey eyes and lipless mouth, 
 that caused involuntary reluctance to hold close communion with 
 him, and an impiilse to button ones breeches' pockets when chance 
 decreed a near proximity. The hair, which reared itself in short 
 thick bristles upon his head, round behind, and flat as a fritter 
 before, was of a dusty brown, and seemed to have been cropped 
 with no other intent than to leave as little as possible without 
 applying the annihilating edge of a razor. His nose was a bold 
 turn up ; not an undecided, equivocal organ ; but a positive, 
 brido-eless snout. White, large, and even as a dog-shark's, his 
 teeth were well constructed for the office of chief of the cannibals ; 
 and although he was never accused of devouring a member of the 
 human family, he was frequently heard to declare that " he should 
 like to chaw a young SAvell as fine as powder, and he only Avanted 
 the opportunity to catch a fiat to skin him clean." 
 
 A coat, that had been fashionable in days gone by, and 
 looked upon as one of Cooke's most successful and artistical 
 attempts, was buttoned closely to the throat; luckily for the 
 wearer, it would bear this unnatural strain, otherwise it must 
 have exposed the want of garment commonly worn next the 
 skin, and composed of linen. Good fortune and misfortune, 
 however, are closely linked, and was illustrated even in this old 
 coat. That which screened one want exposed another. The 
 sloping, cutaway, Newmarket-bang breast gave to view the defi- 
 ciency of a waistcoat. Alas ! that article of dress liad been trusted 
 to the too safe keeping of a popular uncle, who advanced the
 
 12 
 
 " wlierewitlial " to tlefray tlie expenses of a breakfast consumed 
 tliat luorning, before tlio cock crew, at tlie corner of a street. A 
 pair of decayed black trousers hung, like leaves in autumn, upon 
 his limbs, and his feet were in a constant state of labour to keep 
 in unity with some soleless skeletons of shoes. 
 
 It may, perchance, be a matter of astonishment to the iminiti- 
 ated, that one so very far run to seed should be qualified to take 
 Ids seat among those who seemed themselves above the title of 
 simple gentlemen ; for, like the schoolmaster who prided himself, 
 not upon bqing a scholar, but the being a master of scholars, so 
 theSe-aspirants founded their claim to superior quality upon being 
 gentlemen's gentlemc7i. To an experienced clubbist, however, 
 it will occasion no surprise, as he well knows that, once admitted, 
 there is no power to give notice to quit. In, and he is a fixture ; 
 a limb of the society which it has no power to self-amputate. 
 Now this was the case with the individual in question. Mr 
 Thomas Bosk — or, in the familiar language of his equals, Bosky 
 Tom — when head-groom to Lord Muffield, in the prime and 
 summer of his days, and long before the Quorn hounds had to 
 feed on chicken broth, and the stud on jelly, by reason of the 
 extended liberality of the poulterer and pastrycook — had been 
 elected without one black ball from inimical fingers. He was 
 then a roaring, swaggering blade, with plenty of friends, a little 
 money, and large stock of impudence. Happy Bosky I Alack, 
 " where be your gibes now, your songs, your flashes of merri- 
 ment that were wont to set the table on a roar ? Not one now to 
 mock your own grinning ! quite chap-fallen ! " 
 
 Luxuriating in long-drawn pulls from a friendly pipe, silent, 
 disregarded, and forgotten. Bosky Tom mingled deep-fetched 
 sighs from a heavy heart with the fumes of the narcotic plant, 
 and thought of days and things long since passed away. From 
 the past to the present — such are the quick bounds of that noble 
 faculty the mind — he began to speculate on the means of bettering 
 his present condition. To beg, borrow, or to steal appeared to 
 be the only roads for the desirable end. The two former had been 
 trodden too frequently for further advantage to be derived from 
 the same path, and the latter — but more of that anon. 
 
 Trouble and thirst arc often coupled together. Bosky Tom 
 looked wistfully at his neighbours' Avell-charged goblets, shuffled 
 his feet, coughed, and did all that he possibly could to obtain an
 
 THE FOtLIES OF THE DAY. 
 
 13 
 
 invitation for the share of a friendly cup ; but he had so fre- 
 quently abused the offer by draining instead of sipping, that no 
 one proffered him even a moistening drop. Besides, there was 
 an unequivocal inclination to give him the cold shoulder for 
 various reasons, and the most conclusive one was, that Bosky 
 Tom's star was still in anything but the ascendant. He was a 
 down pin, a gone kitten ! 
 
 Necessity, dictator of the best, the noblest attributes! thou 
 cunning artificer of the soldier's crown and poet's wreath — what 
 would this speck in the whole be without thee ? Support to the 
 weak and faint-hearted ; spur to the laggard ; — 
 
 " How vainly would the wise 
 ' Inquire, define, distinguish, teach, devise. 
 
 Didst thou not stand to point their dull philosophies." 
 
 Bosky Tom slapped his dexter thigh ; a smile flickered across his 
 despairing features like a flash of light through the misty veil of 
 
 morn. " I have it, by ," and Bosky Tom forgot a certain 
 
 commandment. 
 
 ',^" T can let a gentleman have a wrinkle worth the money," said 
 he, " if there's one of a mind to stand '■ ansum.' " 
 " Is it a cross ? " inquired a patron of pugilism. 
 " Or a case of hocus ?" inquired a subscriber to Tattersall's. 
 Bosky Tom looked very knowing out of the corners of his eyes 
 at each of the inquirers, but made no reply. 
 
 The effect was not lost upon them, and, rising from his chair, 
 the turfite beckoned Tom into a corner of the room. 
 " Is it anything in my line?" asked he. 
 
 " That it is," replied Tom, confidently; " there ain't a cove 
 present more likely to benefit by the information I can give ye." 
 " What's your terms?" 
 
 " Put a sovereign into my fist," rejoined Tom, " and the bar- 
 gain's struck." 
 
 " But what if the wrinkle's an old 'im to me ?" 
 '' I know it isn't," returned Tom ; " don't fear that, but fork 
 out the rowdy." 
 
 With some little hesitation the piece of glittering gold was 
 placed in the palm of Bosky Tom's extended hand, and the donor 
 bent his ear for the expected intelligence. 
 
 Twice Bosky Tom essayed to speak; but the stifled laugh in 
 his throat stopped the utterance of the words.
 
 14 d'horsay ; or, 
 
 " Why don't you go on?" growled his impatient auditor. 
 
 " Well, then ! listen," returned Tom, and putting his mouth 
 close to his companion's head, whispered, '' if you ever get a 
 month at the mill, take the side next the wall; I'vejust come off, 
 and found the comfort of it." 
 
 An oath, deep and profane, burst from the tongue of the indi- 
 vidual so neatly " sold ; " but observing that Bosky Tom had put 
 himself on the defensive, with a face expressive of determina- 
 tion to abide the issue at any cost, he wisely resolved to put up 
 stoically with his first loss, which most unquestionably was the 
 least, as, literally and figuratively, Bosky Tom was a very ugly 
 customer. 
 
 From causes minute as imperceptible atoms great events arise. 
 We shall see what this profile of her Majesty in gold produces 
 for Bosky Tom. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 There are some persons and things that will not bear a graphic 
 description. To delineate them is to offer a negative affront to 
 our gentle readers, by way of anticipating their want of know- 
 ledge in matters which, if confessed, would argue themselves 
 unknown. To our country cousins, a circumstantial report of the 
 hon mots flowing daily from the lips of the facetious civic func- 
 tionaries, setting the halls of justice in echoing roars, while sport- 
 ing Avith the liberties of the subject, might doubtlessly prove truly 
 interesting ; but to those who had once heard them, a repetition 
 must be an exceedingly flat and dozy proceeding. To them, also, 
 the particulars of the last debate in the House of Lords — more 
 especially if Lord Brougham was enacting the part of a cele- 
 brated nigger, bearing the patronymic of " Crow," — mio-ht be 
 acceptable ; but Heaven forfend that a second infliction should be 
 ever perpeti'ated. Now, as these pages are not designed for coun- 
 try cousins, or any such primitive individuals, we shall not run 
 the risk of vexing the brains of those for whom they are intended, 
 by painting to their imaginations the colour of the devil, or any 
 such fact of notoriety which is so well understood. Besides, we 
 might be discovered tripping in a fog. Abrupt and sudden, then, 
 be our spring.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 15 
 
 Shallow, everybody knows who knows anything of the world 
 and its system — of bills, is a discounter of the first water. And 
 hereilet us pause at the onset to remark on the singularity of a 
 great exception in a great custom. 
 
 Men are apt to dilate upon the respective excellences of their 
 tailors, hatters, hosiers, bootmakers, coachmakers, and other of 
 their employes ; but one never, by any chance, hears of the virtues 
 of " my bill discounter," or ''my pawnbroker;" and yet both 
 ar^ often floating in the minds of those who seem most ignorant 
 of the secrets of such callings. The ruling passion frequently 
 overcomes the resolution. We are surprised that this prevailing 
 thought does not occasionally stumble on the revealer of its pri- 
 vacy ; but in the most babbling-tongued such reflections are never 
 given to the gaping ear of curiosit}\ 
 
 Samuel Shallow — Heaven is witness, or, with more consistency 
 perhaps, that brimstone vale, compared to which the Sahara of 
 Africa is cool and refreshing, — how incongruous the name of 
 his forefathers was ! — was sitting in his private office contemplat- 
 ifiqi: his deeds and his misdeeds, — the former fairly engrossed and 
 snugly ensconced in a pile of tin cases adorning the walls and 
 floor of the room; the latter faintly daguerreotyped in his memory 
 — with more than usual complacency. Perhaps he had just been 
 " robbing somebody, and receiving the bill!" 
 
 Inimitable Boz ! why search Bevis Marks for Samuel Brass, 
 when here was one cut and dried, and far more deserving of thy 
 caustic quill ? Rich, greasy knaves form a more fitting quarry 
 for the falcon's stoop, than those in tattered weeds with greedy 
 stomachs. 
 
 If it had been the " iron tongue of midnight," instead of the 
 dustman's ringing shrilly in the blabbing noontide hour, myriads 
 of sparks would have been seen to fly from the bruised and clat- 
 tering flints as a dashing carriage stopped suddenly at the entrance 
 of Mr Shallow's office. The horses were noble animals ; their 
 harness tricked with shining plate, and all appeared gay and 
 showy as a butterfly. 
 
 " Colonel Hopeland and Madge Redmond," observed Mr 
 Shallow, peering between the Venetian blinds as the occupants of 
 the carriage descended with the assistance of a square-armed foot- 
 man. "A pretty pair!" continued he, with a sneer. " One a 
 broken down leg and bill prig ; the other — ha, ha, ha ! — there's a 
 combination of originality ! a she hell-keeper, money-lender,
 
 16 d'iiorsay; or, 
 
 and but that's in keeping -vvitli her sex. I'll not fling a stono 
 
 at that establishment." 
 
 " My dear Shallow, how d'ye do?" asked the gentleman men- 
 tioned as Colonel Plopeland — a particularly well-dressed and 
 fashionably-decked person — entering the apartment, bearing on 
 his arm the remains of a rather fine and showy woman, much, 
 very much overdressed. " Here we are, my dear Shallow," con- 
 tinued the Colonel, " in the fullest plume and feather. In the 
 very best of humours with mankind in general, and ourselves in 
 particular." 
 
 Greetings were given and received, and after a little bye-play, 
 in the form of unmeaning questions and reply, concerning nothing 
 and nobody, points of business became concentrated into a focus 
 like tlie widely-spread rays of light through a telescope. 
 
 " I've a few shavings here — clean and unendorsed kites" — 
 remarked Colonel Hopeland, producing a handful of blank 
 acceptances, " which I want melted in the readiest form — I mean 
 the quickest." 
 
 " Who is the accepter ? " inquired Shallow, languidly, as if the 
 matter was one of total indifference to him. 
 
 " A very green bud," replied the lady. " I can't really help 
 expressing a regret. Colonel, that one so very Lincoln should not 
 have been left to my tender nursing exclusively. I would have 
 
 made " 
 
 " An excellent dry nurse in the end, without doubt," interrupted 
 Mr Shallow. And then there was such a roar that echoed in 
 many a hollow turnip and heartless cabbage in the market 
 hard by. 
 
 " The truth is," resumed the Colonel, blandly, " that Madge 
 here has a little touch upon my commission for a few inconvenient 
 
 thousands, and I wish to redeem the metal for the " and here 
 
 he shook the roll of stamps waggishly — " the dross." 
 
 " Humph ! the badly-scratched autograph of Lord Hunting- 
 castle, I see," remarked Mr Shallow ; and then, partly closing 
 his eyes as if to try the effect of seeing the Colonel in the perspec- 
 tive, continued, in a most insinuating tone, " May I ask for what 
 purpose these were entrusted to your fostering care ? " 
 
 A blush ! no, not a blush ; but a small quantity of blood was 
 suddenly pumped into the face of the Colonel, as he replied with 
 a stammer, " The object was to — to — to, of course, to get them 
 discounted."
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 
 
 17 
 
 " And the proceeds ? " 
 
 « Oh, damn the proceeds ! what have you to do with the pro- 
 ceeds'*?" said the Colonel, irritably. 
 
 " Ah ! exclaimed Mr Shallow, fast closing his eyes, and 
 shaking his head virtuously and seriously, " I see how the matter 
 stands. You'll ruin this young man, Hopeland, upon my soul 
 you will." 
 
 " You're more likely to wind him up than myself," replied the 
 Colonel. " I object to picking. There's a vast distinction between 
 picking and plucking. One refers to the bones — the skeleton ; 
 the other to the simple feathers." 
 
 " When the feathers are gone," rejoined Mr Shallow, " I think 
 it charity to pay attention to the bones. The sooner the climax is 
 arrived at the better in that case." 
 
 " Come, come, gentlemen," said the lady, " we've had enough 
 of this child's play. Now to business." 
 
 " With all my heart," returned the Colonel, cheerfully. " What 
 will you give me, then, for these bills ?" 
 -«" How much are they for ? " inquired the discounter. 
 
 "The batch is for a pleasant eight thousand," replied the 
 Colonel. 
 
 " He has nothing in hand," observed Mr Shallow, looking at 
 the ceiling immediately above him, and diving his hands deeply 
 into his trousers pockets, as if calculating the chances of the 
 reaping time. 
 
 " A splendid crop of expectations," returned the Colonel. 
 " Nothing in the world can be finer," continued he. " Entailed 
 estates to the tune of forty thousand a year. Think of that, 
 master Shallow ! " 
 
 "A pretty property, certainly," added the money-lender. " But 
 his paternal ruler's life is a remarkably good one. In fact it's too 
 good to speculate on." 
 
 " Life's uncertain in the most hale," remarked Mrs Redmond, 
 with a pious and serene countenance. " We're here to-day ; 
 to-morrow we've cut our lucky." 
 
 " Yes, yes," replied Mr Shallow, " that's true, very true. 
 There are accidents that occasion a premature removal from this 
 sublunary planet, and exceedingly sudden too ; but they seldom 
 fall to the lot of those whose transition from this mortal coil con- 
 fers considerable benefit upon their heirs and representativeo. My
 
 18 d'horsay ; on, 
 
 long experience has taught me this, and I therefore infer the 
 devil has the management of dislocating necks, and other fatal 
 adventures of the kind ; for being the author of all evil, his hands 
 are so very full that he hasn't a moment to spare to compile even 
 a shaving of good." 
 
 " Not unlikely," replied the Colonel. " But to the point. What 
 do you say for the eight thousand ? " 
 
 "' The dates ?" 
 
 " Any time you please. Long or short," continued the accom- 
 modating Colonel. " It's all the same to me." 
 
 '' Fill them up, then, for one, two, and three months," returned 
 Mr Shallow, " and I'll give three an' fourpence in the pound for 
 the lump." 
 
 ** Come, come," expostulated the Colonel, " you are a Christian, 
 I suppose. Damn me, but one would think you were a Jew." 
 
 " Jews are the best-abused men in the world," replied Mr 
 Shallow. But Jew or Christian, I shall give no more." 
 
 " Why Mrs Redmond will advance on that, although she is in 
 pretty deep in the same kind of stiff," added the Colonel, ap- 
 pealing to the lady. 
 
 " I certainly would," returned she ; " but really at this moment 
 I've a small fortune invested in stamps alone, and money is worse 
 than scarce with me." 
 
 " There's a great dearth of that article in the market just now," 
 said Mr Shallow, " which renders it more valuable." 
 
 " Dearth, sir ! there never was anything to equal it," returned 
 Mrs Redmond, with an unequivocal sincerity of feeling. '' My 
 house in St James's place is crowded nightly with nobs of the 
 first quality ; but scarcely a farthing is staked, except my own 
 money from the bills I discount, I O U's, and cheques on banks 
 with no assets." 
 
 " A profitless concern," remarked Mr Shallow. 
 
 " So much So, that if two or three of my own particular friends. 
 Lord Bitchfield, the Marquis D'Horsay, and a few others, did 
 not persuade me to keep the house on," rejdied the lady, " I should 
 close the door." 
 
 " But if money is scarce," added the Colonel, " it isn't extinct; 
 one might reasonably conjecture, from Shallow's offer, that coin 
 was becoming so, or, like the bustard in this country, exceed- 
 ingly rare, and to be found only in wild, unfrequented spots." 
 
 After much haggling and discussion, it was agreed that Shallow
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 19 
 
 should have the bills at the liberal discount of a hundred and 
 twenty per cent., and after receiving a draft for the amount, the 
 Colo'nel and his companion departed ; the former promising to 
 return in a few days with another bundle of Lord Huntingcastle's 
 autographs. 
 
 If a reflection crossed the mind of Shallow as the carriage 
 rolled from his door, it was concerning a legal problem not yet 
 satisfactorily solved — " Which of the two is the greatest rogue, 
 the thief or the receiver?" 
 
 Scarcely had his visitors departed, when — mirahile dictu — who 
 should be ushered into the room but Bosky Tom, in his own 
 proper person; but as different a Tom in his rig and gear as 
 between a moth in its chrysalis and gay-winged condition. No 
 longer a grub, Bosky Tom looked one of the most marvellous 
 metamorphoses — not excepting any of Ovid's — that language can 
 express. He was decked in clothes of many colours, cut in the 
 very pink of fashion. A profusion of jewellery glittered in his 
 ruffled bosom, on his fingers, and across his flaunting waistcoat. 
 Jfe his hand he carried a gold-mounted cane ; and if all was not 
 quite pure and real, it possessed the advantage of looking quite as 
 well. His hat — for he did not uncover as he entered — was stuck 
 very much on one side, and, as he approached Mr Shallow, with 
 extended digits and a rolling swagger, he had a far more inde- 
 pendent air than many a gentleman with ten thousand a year. 
 
 We abhor mystery, however, and therefore, previous to enter- 
 ing on Bosky Tom's object in his visit to Mr Shallow, we shall 
 explain the ways and means of his rise on the slippery pole of 
 life that — unlike the one in country frolics — holds but the phantom 
 of a leg of mutton and turnips for the successful climber when 
 the top is gained. 
 
 With the sovereign — as honestly earned as any throughout his 
 life, for truth, pure and unadulterated, was the chaste vehicle — 
 Bosky Tom wended his way on the following morning to one of 
 those disinterested individuals who would fain have the public 
 believe they dispose of sovereigns for sixpences. He was stand- 
 ing in that outlawed and outcast of spots called Leicester square, 
 asserting most emphatically " that for a wager he had to dispose 
 of two hundred sovereigns within one hour at five shillings per 
 dozen, and then was the time for people to come forward and 
 make so eligible an investment."
 
 20 d'housay; or. 
 
 Bosky Tom purchased a crown's worth of the counterfeit coin, 
 and laying out about the same amount in procuring two tliimbles, 
 a small deal table, and a bit of cobbler's wax, betook himself to 
 Epsom Downs on the day preceding the races. 
 
 It was a happy tliought, and fortune smiled on the maiden 
 attempt of Tom's public career as a thimble-rigger. The brass 
 representations of sovereigns acted well as decoys to the real and 
 substantial ; and although the novice might not have been very 
 expert in shuffling the thimble, and felt the want of a few asso- 
 ciates in the garb of lionest yeomen to render the establishment 
 complete, he found himself, at the end of his day's toil, a much 
 richer if not a better man. 
 
 At Ascot, in the same season, — for some eight months had sunk 
 on the shores of time since Bosky Tom was introduced to our 
 readers, — he was seen revelling in the luxury of a clean shirt, and 
 surrounded by a host of assisting parasites, easing the pockets of 
 many a lad and lassie who put too much credence in the old pro- 
 verb of *' seeing is believing." 
 
 His tide of success rolled onwards. At Doncaster the plebeian 
 occupation of the thimble-rig was abandoned, and Bosky Tom had 
 now become a shareholder in a large gambling-booth with a small 
 bank. After this profitable meeting, he, with his new partners, 
 opened a silver hell for rouge et noir and roulette, in Pickering 
 place, St James's. In a few weeks the firm were in a position to 
 stand a pull, and gold began to chink upon the colours. 
 
 On, on. Bosky Tom ! the rocket of thy fate is blazing 
 upwards. 
 
 From the sneaking rat-hole in Pickering place a move was 
 made to a magnificent house in Regent street. Mirrors, pic- 
 tures, clocks, silk hangings, carpets, and furniture of the most 
 costly description adorned the interior, while the exterior was 
 made as conspicuous as possible, to denote the description of the 
 establishment. No bolted and barred wicket defied lynx-eyed 
 myrmidons of the law to enter and stay that which the law pro- 
 scribed. A plate-glass door, unlatched and swinging freely on 
 its hinges, was the only barrier to the entrance, and yet there 
 was no interruption to the dupers or the duped. 
 
 Well may Justice wear the bandage across her eyes ! The 
 bribed jade is ever ready for a game of " blind man's buff," and 
 it depends upon the fee whether she peeps or not.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 21 
 
 Right merrily The Stranger's opened its glittering portal on 
 each succeeding night; and, such were the attractions offered, 
 thaf'it drained the most fashionable playmen from Crockford's and 
 the other aristocratic clubs in its immediate vicinity. 
 
 The tables were crowded, the stakes heavy, the profits large. 
 In a little month after the opening, Bosky Tom and his partners 
 might be seen mingling in the crowds of fashion in Hyde park, 
 mounted on the finest horses, and assuming the airs of those 
 Avhose follies and vices enabled them thus to live and fatten on. 
 From step to step, not creeping and uncertain, but quickly and 
 boldly, Bosky Tom progressed. He became a subscriber and 
 constant frequenter at Tattersall's; paid well for information 
 from the touts ; betted heavily and freely ; elbowed dukes, mar- 
 quises, and earls, and began to have a contempt for baronets. 
 
 This was his present position ; but the immediate cause of his 
 visit upon Mr Shallow must be reserved for another chapter. 
 
 S« CHAPTER IV. 
 
 '' We've a little too much stiff on hand," observed Bosky 
 Tom, taking a leather case from one of his pockets, and produc- 
 ing a quantity of bills and promissory notes ; '* just glance your 
 eye over them," continued he, placing the roll into Mr Shallow's 
 hands, " and pick out those you can do for us." 
 
 ** On my life," replied Mr Shallow, examining the stamps, 
 " I cannot assist ye this morning." 
 
 " There's a capital assortment," rejoined Tom ; " Chester- 
 lane's, Muffield's, Bitchfield's, D'Horsay's, Paulding's " 
 
 " Paulding's, is there ?" interrupted Mr Shallow. " What a 
 facetious fellow that is ! Did you hear what he said to his step- 
 father, the ex-chancellor, the other day?" 
 
 " No," replied his client. 
 
 '* His lordship was lecturing him on his little innocent extrava- 
 gancies, and remarked that he was sorry to hear not a man in 
 London was so wild. ' Better be the wildest man on town, my 
 lord,' replied Paulding, * than the n/jUest.' Ha, ha, ha ! " 
 laughed Mr Shallow. " It was very good ; at the same time his 
 kites were not worth their paper from that moment. I wouldr't," 
 continued he, throwing a bill from him, '* give the value of the 
 ink it's filled up with for a thousand of them."
 
 22 d'horsay; or, 
 
 " What, the old gentleman won't forget the wipe at his mug?" 
 said Bosky Tom. 
 
 " Never." 
 
 "Well!" returned Tom, "we shan't lose anything by him ; 
 and if he goes to the wall, he'll go like a brick." 
 
 " I can let you have five hundred on account," said Mr Shal- 
 low, after looking at the securities ; " and in a week you shall 
 have the balance." 
 
 " At the same rate, I suppose?" returned Bosky Tom. 
 
 " A shilling in the pound per month," replied Mr Shallow. 
 
 " In other words, sixty per cent.," added his client. 
 
 " And not too much, considering your profits and our risk," 
 said Mr Shallow. 
 
 It should be here observed, that Mr Shallow's united occupa- 
 tions were attorney -at-law and solicitor in the High Court of Chan- 
 cery, money-lender, and turfite. Taking these professions respec- 
 tively, they are not proverbial for delicate probity ; but when all 
 were concentrated into one focus, the probability of knavish 
 springs to work the machinery was reduced to something akin to 
 a certainty. 
 
 Mr Shallow was a deep -minded man, and very frequently, 
 when apparently absorlied in one employment, another, upper- 
 most, was in a state of incubation. This was the case when 
 filling up a cheque for the exclusive purposes and benefit of 
 Bosky Tom and Co. He saw before him a thriving blackguard, 
 one who knew no bounds or stop, and a fit assistant to weave 
 some of the meshes in his widely-spreading net. 
 
 " I want you to make a few bets for me on commission," ob- 
 served Mr Shallow, handing Tom the draft. 
 
 " With much pleasure," replied his client, taking a capacious 
 betting-book from his pocket, and preparing to enter the order. 
 
 " My horse Pickpocket's favourably handicapped," remai'ked 
 Mr Shallow, with a smile. 
 
 " He's beautifully in," returned Tom, " and stands a famous 
 chance for the plate." 
 
 " Does he?" inquired the sporting lawyer with a peculiar 
 sneer. 
 
 " Yes; and I suppose you think so," returned Tom, or you 
 wouldn't have backed him yesterday so heavily at the Corner. 
 " Besides," continued he, " his trial with Flytrap was no secret."
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 23 
 
 " I didn't intend it should be," rejoined the lawyer, smiling 
 more and more. 
 
 A'Tiew light seemed to burst suddenly into Bosky Tom's caput 
 like a ray of light through the chink of a closed shutter. 
 
 " By ," and again he set at nought a certain commandment, 
 
 " it was only a puff, then, to make him rise ! " 
 
 The lawyer nodded. 
 
 " Listen ! " returned he. " Pickpocket's a good horse, a very 
 good horse indeed ; but, in ray opinion, the field's a better 
 one. He wouldn't win if we were to run him on the square, 
 and— ^" 
 
 " And so you mean to make a certainty of it," interrupted 
 Bosky Tom, rubbing his hands with glee, and evincing entire 
 satisfaction at the arrangement. 
 
 ^' Precisely so," added Mr Shallow. '' I backed him yester- 
 day in small sums, and shall continue to do so to keep him up^ 
 while I am sticking it against him hy commission as heavy as I 
 can get it on." 
 
 '^ '•'■ It beats a cross at a mill !" exclaimed Bosky Tom, in an 
 ecstasy of enthusiasm ; " it beats a cross at a mill all to shavings ! 
 It's as good as coining, and twice as safe." 
 
 ^' You must lay it on as thick as you can," suggested Mr 
 Shallow, " and your commission will be five-an'-twenty per 
 cent." 
 
 " Come, come," expostulated Tom, " let's have half the swag. 
 Every pound I get on, remember, is a clear pull." 
 
 " What a swallow-all you are to be sure," returned the lawyer 
 irritably ; " upon my life, a fair and generous allowance 
 seems " 
 
 " Well, well!" returned his client, " we'll not quarrel about 
 terms. As you say, so let it be. But how is Pickpocket to be 
 grilled ? Is he to be drawn at the post, hocussed, or a pail of 
 water given to him just before the pigskin's slapped across 
 him?" 
 
 " He'll go a little visibly screwy on the morning of the race," 
 replied Mr Shallow ; " the trainer will manage that, and then 
 draw him." 
 
 " And a very nice, sociable plan it is," rejoined Tom. " Bless'd 
 if I don't think this is the march of intellect for raising the 
 wind ! " continued he.
 
 24 d'horsay; or, 
 
 *' And it will go hard if we don't raise a little gust out of this," 
 said the lawyer. " No one but a fool would run a horse to w in 
 when he can make it a certainty to gain by losing." 
 
 " Very true," added Bosky Tom ; " an owner of a 'oss should 
 always back himself out like a leary player at hazard, if he 
 means business. Cuss me though if it isn't a heavenly arrange- 
 ment that we're not all of the same way o' thinking. What a 
 starving system it would be if rogue had to eat rogue." 
 
 Mr Shallow coughed and appeared a little uneasy at Bosky 
 Tom's plain manner of delivering his sentiments, and probably 
 having had quite enough of that gentleman's society, he rose 
 from his seat, and looked hurriedlv at his watch. 
 
 The hint was not lost on his client, who, after assuring his 
 employer that he would catch every flat that would nibble, took 
 his departure. 
 
 *' His Royal Highness the Prince of Kamschatka," announced 
 a wheezy-looking clerk, wdth solemn reverence, awe, and dignity 
 blended, as a stout — not to say fat — pasty-featured, and mous- 
 tached individual entered the room. 
 
 " Pardon my rascal for miscalling your Royal Highness," said 
 jNlr Shallow, advancing and bowing the new-comer to a seat. 
 
 '' Name not dat, my ver dear sare," replied the Prince, with 
 a graceful and condescending bow. " I have come vunce again 
 to soleecit a leetel more of de monies. In dis charming country 
 my rank, my wife, my everyting cost so ver much that I nevare 
 get rid of vun single knock at de door but another comes tap," 
 
 '•' It's very disagreeable," remarked Mr Shallow, " and I am 
 truly sorry for your position, sir ; but I cannot assist you to-day, 
 or indeed further until the bills I hold are paid." 
 
 '* Tut, tut," returned the Prince, putting forth both his deli- 
 cately-gloved fingers in an attitude of remonstrance; " vhen I 
 get my kingdom " 
 
 " Then I Avill discount your Royal HIghness's bills," added Mr 
 Shallow. 
 
 "■ I sail not want de decscounts then," said the Prince ; " 'tis 
 now I require de deescounts ; now dat I am so disagreeably short 
 of de needful." 
 
 " I can only repeat my regret of not being able to assist your 
 Royal Highness," replied the lawyer. " My losses have been so 
 great lately," continued he, " that I require assistance myself.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 25 
 
 There's ray neighbour, the great John Wrong, the banker, who 
 everybody considered to be right, went to the dogs last Monday, 
 and Sicked down a nice little lump of money of mine. Con- 
 found his speculations in steam, Greek loans, and dinner par- 
 ties!" 
 
 " But, my ver dear friend," replied the Prince, supplicatingly, 
 I can assure you, on de honour of my royal blood — I will give 
 you^my honour " 
 
 ** As a security ? " interrupted Mr Shallow. 
 
 " Ye— es," rejoined the Prince, bowing and placing his dexter 
 hand on the left of his royal and capacious breast ; " as the ver 
 best security dat I can offer." 
 
 " It isn't a marketable one," returned the lawyer; " I couldn't 
 raise a farthing on even the honour of a prince. No, no, no, sir, 
 you must excuse my advancing more, and place my refusal to 
 your request on account of my inability." 
 
 " But, my ver de — ar friend," persisted the Prince, " I can 
 give you informations which will satisfy you dat I sail pay you all 
 in good time." 
 
 " When the bills become due ? " asked Mr Shallow. 
 
 " Ye — es," replied his Royal Highness confidently. 
 
 " That would alter matters," said the money-lender ; '' I might 
 in that case manage to assist you." 
 
 " Ver well, then, listen to me," rejoined the Prince. " My 
 sister-in-law — a most charming lady, not so beautiful as my 
 Princess, and" (here his Royal Highness elongated his features 
 considerably) " not quite so dispose to make long bills at de 
 milliner's, is going to be married to English nobleman." 
 
 " A very different bird to a foreign prince," muttered the 
 attorney. 
 
 '' And," continued his Royal Highness, ''• a ver rich [earl 
 indeed." 
 
 " His title?" 
 
 "The Earl of Byworden," replied the Prince; *' and vheu 
 de ceremony take place, I will draw on him, and draw, and 
 draw " 
 
 " Until the draw be closed or empty," said the facetious Mr 
 Shallow. 
 
 " Ye — es," returned the Prince seriously, " until he vill not 
 let me borrow no more ; so you see, my ver dear friend, dat you 
 vill get paid as I say, at de time promised."
 
 26 d'horsay ; or, 
 
 '' Is the day fixed for the event to come off ? " inquired Mr 
 Shallow, in sporting phraseology. 
 
 " Ye — es," replied his Royal Highness ; '' in vun week from 
 dis time her ver common patro-neemic vill be changed to de 
 Countess of Byworden." 
 
 '' Humph ! " ejaculated Mr Shallow. " How much money do 
 you want, sir ? " 
 
 '* Vun tousand pounds," replied the Prince. 
 
 Without further parley, Mr Shallow opened his desk, and 
 taking a stamp from a bundle, which he always kept on 
 hand, dipped his pen in a neighbouring inkstand, and briefly 
 inquired, " The date?" 
 
 '' Two munts," replied his Royal Highness. " I sail be able to 
 pay in two munts. It would not be delicate to draw before dat 
 time." 
 
 '' You'll not consider a couple of hundred too much as a 
 bonus ?" remarked the lawyer, filling up the stamp. 
 
 " It appears a great deal," replied the Prince, shrugging his 
 shoulders; " but as you say, so must it be." 
 
 The note was signed, and a cheque given to the Prince for the 
 amount named, who, after minutely regarding Mr Shallow's 
 autograph with evident complacency, wafted an adieu by kissing 
 the tips of his fingers, and took his departure. 
 
 t( j^ Prince! " sneered Mr Shallow, '* the penniless sponge." 
 
 " Ha ! here we are, my man of money ! " exclaimed a voice as 
 the lawyer was closing the door on the heels of his visitor, and, 
 upon widening it again, he perceived on the threshold the Earl of 
 Chesterlane and the Marquis D'Horsay. 
 
 " We've come," continued the Earl, " for the balance of that 
 joint acceptance, a bunch of seven pleasant hundreds. Let the 
 notes be clean, thou close-shaved Shylock. How is Pickpocket?" 
 
 *' In first-rate condition, my lord," replied Mr Shallow, plac- 
 ing seats for his clients, and bringing from a nook in a cun- 
 ningly-devised and secret drawer a roll of bank notes. 
 
 " Is he to take the plate?" inquired the Marquis, with an air 
 of nonchalance, and regarding the lawyer counting the money 
 as if the task was a preliminary one of exciting desire to touch, 
 something resembling the bobbing a cherry to the lips of some 
 expectant urchin. 
 
 " He would be unworthy of his name did he not take the 
 plate," replied Mr Shallow, with a smirk of satisfaction.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 27 
 
 " 'Gad, I've backed him through thick and thin," said the 
 Earl. /' Not ten minutes since I met that d — d rascal, and at 
 the sa:me time exceedingly original snob, Bosky Tom, and laid 
 out fifty ponies at three to five on Pickpocket. We must pull 
 through, Shallow, or the extent to which the manufacture of 
 kites will proceed is quite terrible to contemplate." 
 
 Mr Shallow felt such an inclination to laugh — not in his sleeve 
 — but a broad and fair haw-haw, that he was compelled to bury 
 his face in his handkerchief, and feign a cough of the most chok- 
 ing symptoms. There was something so very cheerful to his 
 peculiar frame of mind and inclination in finding his new decoy 
 had lured a victim so readily and securely. Added to which, 
 the knowledge he entertained of the Earl's exhausted finances, 
 and the fresh stresses the certain loss about to be entailed upon 
 him must occasion, brought pleasant visions of mortgages, bills 
 of sale, and all the attending results of " sewing up " at the end. 
 
 " Pull through, my lord ! " repeated Mr Shallow, giving a 
 knowino; toss with his head. " He can beat his own shadow, 
 an^ distance the fleetest wind that ever blew." 
 
 " Well, well!" exclaimed the noble dupe; " I shall be satis- 
 fied if he achieves less ambitious performances ; let him win the 
 money I've put upon him, and I'll bless the only pickpocket that 
 ever came within the attraction of my purse." 
 
 " There, my lord, is the balance," observed the money-lender, 
 handing a bundle of notes to the Earl ; " you will find six hun- 
 dred and fifty pounds." 
 
 " I thought it was seven hundred," returned the Marquis 
 lazily, as if the deficit was not of the slightest importance ; but 
 more for the sake of making an observation. 
 
 " And so it was." 
 
 " Yes," added Mr Shallow, " but I was compelled to raise it 
 from Gibbs, and he is such a screw, as you know, my lord." 
 
 " But I have nothing to do with that," observed his lordship. 
 " You agreed to " 
 
 " Pardon my interruption," replied the money-lender. " Should 
 the further reduction be an objection, I will return the accept- 
 ance, and receive back the advance." 
 
 " But it's gone ; the skirt of every five-pound note's vanished 
 round the corner three days ago," rejoined the Marquis. " Re- 
 turn, indeed ! " 
 
 " In that case," observed Mr Shallow, ** I suppose there is no
 
 28 
 
 D IIORSAY ; OR, 
 
 alternative. Glbbs said tliat the money he had to lay out was 
 General Waftam's, and nothing less than sixty per cent, would 
 satisfy the gallant general ; then there was his commission, and — 
 and — mine," added the lawyer, with a trifling hesitation. 
 
 *' Never mind tlie odd fifty, Tom," said the Marquis. " Come, 
 Ave shall be late for the Park;" and bidding farewell to Mr 
 Shallow, the noble pair quitted the apartment. 
 
 When their backs were turned, Mr Shallow pushed out the 
 left side of his cheek with his tongue, and stretching out his 
 fingers from the extreme tip of his nose, seemed to be indulging 
 in a tune with a fast movement on an imaginary pianoforte. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 "■ Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ! " 
 
 Everybody understands that. That is laughing, and no mis- 
 take ; and it is a matter worthy of regard, that the effect of the 
 risible muscles can be described with so much facility and sim- 
 plicity. 'Tis a very different affair with weeping. We never yet 
 saw an attempt to portray the accompanying sounds of distilling 
 briny tears from the fountain of the eyes. " Boo, ooo, ooo," 
 comes as near as any vowels or consonants that we can scrape 
 from the grammar of our brain ; but this maiden endeavour to 
 give an epitome of the sheddnig of Sorrow's liquid is, we con- 
 fess, a truly lame and impotent one. 
 
 " Ha, ha, ha, ha ! " It was a hearty laugh, as full and joyous 
 a one as ever rung from a pair of youthful lips, and sounded 
 as if care could never find an echo there. 
 
 Mounted on the box of a Brighton coach, sat Lord Huntino;- 
 castle, a tall, pale, thin, and delicate-looking person, Jiolding the 
 reins of four spirited and high-conditioned horses. They were 
 just about starting from the Regent circus, and a crowd of gaping 
 and admiring idlers stood looking at the dashing " drag," while 
 a liveried guard stood behind blowing a key-bugle to ravish their 
 delighted ears. 
 
 And this was the height of an English nobleman's ambition ! — 
 nor has the precedent been a solitary one — to mock the manners 
 and pursuits of a stage-coachman ; to rufiianize the mind, whicli 
 should have been cultivated for ornament and example, and to 
 glean the choice slang and select sentiments from society better 
 imagined than more particularly described. But ere censur
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 
 
 29 
 
 wings her shafts too freely, let justice hear the advocate for truth 
 and considerate mercy. 
 
 Lord Huntingcastle was one " more sinned against than sin- 
 ning." He was a child of fortune and misfortune, and was 
 indebted to the former for the accruing evils of the latter. Left 
 at an early age his own master, with but imperfect rudiments of 
 education, devoid of the means either to obtain an honourable 
 livelihood, or maintain the appearance and position which his 
 birth and station demanded, and still having the shadow of a large 
 reversionary inheritance before him, it is a matter of no surprise 
 that he should anticipate the substance through the too common 
 channels by which such ends are accomplished, and thus become 
 the prey of those ravenous wretches ever on the watch for plun- 
 dering inexperience. 
 
 Vice, like crime, is seldom plunged into suddenly. The steps 
 of gradation are so regular, that few take a precipitate leap into 
 the swamp of ruin. Thoughtlessness, extravagance, and such- 
 like preliminaries form the elementary introduction to the noviciate. 
 
 Erom bad to worse. Lord Huntingcastle's career progressed. 
 Abandoned to his own free will and warped inclination, young, 
 untutored, unchecked, without one friendly monitor to warn hira 
 from the rock he was hurrying towards, waylaid and surrounded 
 by a set of harpies and reckless swindlers, urging him on to every 
 objectionable pursuit, and never fanning a latent spark of a 
 redeeming quality or attribute in his nature — who shall dare to 
 cast the stone, and say, *' This man was not more sinned against 
 than sinning." 
 
 And here he was, at last (and where is the wonder ?) the proud 
 proprietor and coachman of a Brighton stage. 
 
 '* All right," exclaimed the guard. 
 
 " Give 'em their — keck — heads," said his lordship, and away 
 the horses sprung to the well-known words as the clothing was 
 stripped from their glossy and polished skins. 
 
 " Do tell us — keck — Bill," said the noble coachman, tipping the 
 off leader a stinging flip which cracked between the saddle and the 
 collar, " Do tell us. Bill, how the— keck — plant is to be managed." 
 
 The individual addressed by the plebeian name of " Bill," was 
 a little common-looking person occupying the box seat, who wore 
 the appearance of being anything but a gentleman, and yet he was 
 one by hereditary descent, although many, and among the num- 
 ber his own father — the bravest of the brave, and noblest of the
 
 30 ^ d'horsay ; or 
 
 ) 
 
 noble — could not but have equivocal opinions concerning the legi 
 timacy of his claim. 
 
 " The thing's in a nut-shell," replied he. " Miss Bellevue, 
 like a parvemie that she is, is superlatively impressed with the 
 honour of an introduction to the ranks of the aristocracy," 
 
 '* Speak plain," rejoined Lord Huntingcastle. " You mean 
 she's — keck — figged a little with vanity at knowing you and — 
 keck — Lady William." 
 
 " Precisely so," returned his companion, " and I have dete?'- 
 mined to turn the affair, by hook or by crook, to my own par- 
 ticular advantage. If what we have said does not induce the old 
 lady to have my much -esteemed friend " 
 
 Here his lordship burst again into an uncontrollable fit of 
 laughter. 
 
 " Quietly and comfortably," continued the speaker when the 
 interruption had ceased, " so that all things can be decided soci- 
 ably and the spoil appropriated to our present designs and neces- 
 sities, we intend to go the entire pig, and force her to take him, 
 nolens volens." 
 
 "By God, Bill!" exclaimed his lordship, " your governor's 
 prediction — keck — about scragging will come to be verified as 
 sure as — keck — I shall be member for Handover " 
 
 '* That it will," replied his companion, in that still, small voice 
 which the quickest ear could not catch a syllable of, and then add- 
 ing in an audible tone, " No, no, no ; if there's any scragging in 
 the matter, my much-esteemed friend will have his aerial dance 
 solus. I intend running no risk of danger." 
 
 " But give us — keck — the particulars of — keck — the ma- 
 noeuvre," said Lord Huntingcastle. 
 
 " They have gone to Paris under the most favourable auspices," 
 rejoined his companion, '* where I hope all will be settled without 
 my or Lady William's immediate interference. If, however, the 
 old lady should not be caught with my much-esteemed friend's 
 chaff, and the light of our respective countenances be necessary 
 to rivet the fetters, we shall proceed there at once, upon the 
 receipt of such intelligence, and then," continued the speaker, 
 " if extremes mrist be resorted to, nothing short of a rape will be 
 considered one. Indeed, I have not decided whether that shall 
 not be the very first step on my arrival. I think it would be a 
 positive and conclusive one. Shilly-shallying in such cases is so 
 trying to one's temper and patience."
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 31 
 
 " Bill," returned the noble lord, " I — keck — love you, upon 
 
 my soul; you are such a " and his lordship expressed the 
 
 sense -bf the word " gory" in its most vulgar definition — "des- 
 perate rascal," continued he. 
 
 " Trifles never stop me where money's concerned," added his 
 companion. 
 
 The coach rolled merrily along. Clouds of dust rose as it 
 whirled up hill and down, and scarcely was it stopped for a 
 change of horses, than " Hold fast ! " cried his lordship, and 
 away they went, a match for the fleet hours. But what familiar 
 face is that inside the vehicle ? Our chronicler was not mistaken, 
 although in doubt as to the identity. It was the countenance of 
 Bosky Tom. 
 
 Lounging in a corner with his back to the horses, there he sat 
 in dreary blissfulness, reflecting on the past, present, and the 
 future. 
 
 *' A lord for my dragsman !" thought Tom, " that's not bad. 
 Shouldn't wonder if 1 become a nobleman myself some day. 
 Roguery afore now's been the pip for a coronet, and although 
 there may he some damn'd thieves in this world, I'll be bless'd if 
 I a'nt a damnabler." 
 
 Sitting opposite to him was a gentleman in sombre sables, lank 
 in person and lank in spirit. He was journeying to Brighton for 
 the benefit of the shampooing baths, after the loss of his bill to 
 prevent people treating their lungs to the fresh breezes on a 
 Sunday, and enjoying their " baked mutton and ia^er^ " on the 
 seventh of the week. The saintly M.P. and patron of reli- 
 gious charlatanism was more than usually depressed. His eyes 
 were frequently turned upwards like those of a thirsty duck 
 catching the few and far between drops from a summer cloud. 
 Now and then a groan of anguish bubbled from his sympathetic 
 bosom, and dropped from his tongue, the fair representative of 
 the sudden twinge of a spasm. 
 
 "Ain't you well, sir?" at length was the considerate query 
 from Bosky Tom. 
 
 " In body, tolerably so,'' replied the stranger. " It is not phy- 
 sical pain I am suffering," continued he. " I groan in the spirit." 
 
 " Indeed ! " rejoined Tom. " I thought it came from the belly." 
 
 '' When I think," resumed the stranger, " of the number of 
 people continually going to the devil, of the flocks on the high- 
 way to sin, of the apathy in the clergy and legislature in not
 
 32 d'horsay ; OR 
 
 closing the yawning gates, and thereby force them, as it were, 
 into the hedgerows of grace and fiekls of bliss, I feel myself an 
 abandoned shepherd, and greatly in want of sheep-dogs, crooks, 
 and other reclaiming assistants." 
 
 Bosky Tom stared with surprise, and began to imagine his 
 fellow-passenger was not quite weather-proof in his upper stories 
 — in other words, cracked in his top tile. 
 
 *' If the country was threatened with invasion from a foreign 
 enemy," continued the stranger, " or the City of London on fire 
 from Temple bar to Bishopsgate street, then our government 
 would bestir themselves to prevent and check the visitations. 
 But now that Beelzebub has not only threatened to come, but has 
 actually arrived — the arch-fiend to man, the cloven-footed ram- 
 pant enemy of the world — and is preparing souls by bundles, 
 just like lucifer-matches are dipped, for a universal conflagration, 
 not a voice is raised in the senate, save my own, and then but to 
 be scoft'ed and laughed at, as a warning to the benighted and lost." 
 
 Bosky Tom was more than ever puzzled. Theology was not 
 one of the abstruse studies that had occupied his time or atten- 
 tion, and, like most men, he had little inclination to enter upon 
 a subject of which he knew nothing. 
 
 After a short silence and his fellow-passenger had evinced a 
 great degree of restlessless, perchance at not receiving any en- 
 couragement to continue riding his hobby ; he inquired abruptly, 
 
 '* Pray, sir, what do you think will become of religion, and 
 all moral control, if the present system of walking, riding, 
 rowing, eating, and drinking is to continue on a Sunday?" 
 
 " May the devil sink my eternal hopes," replied Bosky Tom, 
 trying to look pious, " if I know what will become of our holy 
 religion ! Folks now-a-days are such beggars to swear and come 
 the rowdy. Howsomever, there's this blessed consolation," con- 
 tinued he, " for the nobs of the church — if there wasn't no sin- 
 ners there'd be no parsons, and what a lock-jaw that would be 
 for them bigwigs who get so sleek and fat, and live such cozy 
 lives by telling people of what they ought to do, and what they 
 oufht not to do, and at the same time needn't take the lead bv 
 showing 'em how, particularly if in any ways inconvenient. 
 Bless'd if I worn't cut out for a slap-up bishop, I know." 
 
 And with this sentiment of sincerity we will leave our pas- 
 sengers on the road.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 33 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 It was a hot, glowing afternoon in the thirsty month of July ; 
 <' the season " had reached its apex, and the votaries of fashion 
 were thronging the ring in that hot-bed of vanity, Hyde park, to 
 flit their painted wings in the hour prescribed. Up and down, 
 roun4 and round the crowd went, pedestrian and equestrian, 
 observing and observed. *' But who cares for the mass?" ex- 
 claims an impatient reader. Then let us particularize and work 
 the woof that at length is to complete the thread of our eventful 
 history. 
 
 " Here he comes," shouts a footman out of place to a brother 
 flunky in a like out-of-a-situation, as between the closely-wedged 
 ranks the Marquis D'Horsay drove his splendid cabriolet. The 
 gazed of all gazers, and admired of all admirers — except, by the 
 way, of a few anxious-minded tradesmen, who seemed to take but 
 little pleasure in seeing their property thus shown off' to the best 
 of a:avantage — the Marquis held his course. A smile played upon 
 his lips, and it might have continued there, for that day at 
 least, had not a sallow-complexioned person, mounted on a 
 seedy-looking horse, an animal that might have safely been war- 
 ranted quiet to ride or drive in double or single harness, spurred 
 to the wheel of the Marquis's cab, and, dofling his hat with as 
 much politeness as his nature would permit, presented his card. 
 
 We have no doubt that Hamlet— that is, the orifjinal Hamlet — 
 was exceedingly unnerved when delivering his maiden speech to 
 the fay of his premature immortal governor ; but we much ques- 
 tion whether that flne young Denmark gentleman was a whit 
 more bloodless about the .jaws than the Marquis upon seeing this 
 diminutive piece of pasteboard. It was fortunate for his good 
 looks that a speck, a mere atom, of rouge had been spread care- 
 fully on either cheek, or many an envious eye might have 
 detected, and babbling tongue proclaimed, that he was in the 
 early but fast stage of fading and running to seed. 
 
 "■ I will call upon you to-morrow morning," faltered the 
 Marqui=?. " You may rely upon my word." 
 
 *' That's enough, sir," replied the unwelcome intruder, turning 
 his horse, and leaving the Marquis to breathe the free air of 
 heaven, instead of the confined atmosphere of that dwelling, 
 
 ])
 
 34 b'horsay; or, 
 
 yclept "■ a sponging-house," which he possessed the authority 
 and power to inflict. 
 
 Mr Lipcombe, for it was he in proprid persond, enjoyed the 
 distinction of being a fashionable bum ; some dubbed him, from 
 his sayings and doings, '< a spicy bum," — others, " a bum of the 
 first water ; " but it was unanimously consented to and admitted 
 by all, that Mr Lipcombe was an3-thing but a common bum. He 
 was no grab, no clutcher of coat collars or tapper of shoulders ; 
 that kind of business had been given up " in the days that we 
 went gipsying, a long time ago." The way in Avhich Mr Lip- 
 combe now effected a capture — (not with the intention of per- 
 petrating a plebeian pun) — was quite captivating. He had a profes- 
 sional smile for the occasion, like an opera-dancer at the foot-lights, 
 and merely presented his card, as on this occasion, or called and 
 left one at the domicile of the unhappy wight, whose body was com- 
 manded, by her most gracious Majesty, to be held in safe keeping, 
 &c. &c., as a gentle hint of the jjower and trust reposed in him. 
 But it may be naturally asked, by those in the enviable state of 
 beatitude and ignorance of duns and bums, the reason of so much 
 delicacy in "a worm and maggot of the law." A little mono- 
 syllable, composed of a brace of vowels and a dipthong, will 
 answer the query satisfactorily, — the " fee" expectant. 
 
 The same reward stimulates the surgeon to cut the festering 
 cancer from the suffei-ing wretch ; the mercenary advocate to 
 hack the character of the witness under his lash, or to shelter 
 the criminal and condemn the innocent ; the priest to shrive the 
 penitent at his latest gasp ; virtue to stoop to vice, and vice to 
 don the garb of virtue. All, all are moved by the like spring of 
 acquisitiveness. The " fee " commands humanity, whether for 
 good or for evil. 
 
 It was a fortunate circumstance for our hero that Mr Lipcombe 
 dealt so extensively in the delicate art of refined bumming ; for 
 when men throw themselves, as it were, unreservedly into the 
 lap of fickle Fortune, it is quite surprising how frequently she 
 drops unexpected plums into their mouths, and there was one 
 already prepared for the Marquis, which must have been lost 
 had he, when called, been found wanting. 
 
 That remarkably plethoric and ruby-faced gentleman, with a 
 good old English roast-beef expression, is the son of a king, and 
 as kind-hearted; jovial, left-handed sprig of royalty as ever
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 35 
 
 cracked a joke or a bottle. Most men have enemies j but if 
 Lorci Theophilus Fitzgordin has one, he is a rascal. 
 
 The beau on the wane, riding by his side on that perfection of 
 a horse, is Sir George. There can be but one Sir George, and, 
 take him for all in all, it would require a good tailor, a good 
 hatter, bootmaker, and barber, and an ounce of rouge, to have the 
 chance of looking upon his like again. 
 
 And here comes the finest horsewoman in England, Nelly, 
 the Bolton-street belle. The horse that carries her rears, dances, 
 and pl}^iHges as she checks his ambitious longings for a race ; and 
 yet there she sits, a part and parcel of the noble animal that bears 
 her, and cares no more for his kicks than the fruitless ones of 
 Count Catalany to avoid a certain annuity mentioned by the Earl 
 of Chesterlane in an earlier stage of these sayings and doings, 
 and on account of which the cool thousand had been netted some 
 time since. 
 
 Talk of a gentleman, and his hat appears, and a particularly 
 broad-brimmed one it is. But surely his lordship is half equipped 
 for a tournament or " raree-show " of some kind or other. See 
 that charger caparisoned with purple bridle bedizened, as of 
 old, with silver mountings and things to make the vulgar stare 
 " and ope wide their jaws with gaping wonder ! " No, the Earl 
 has fresh whims at the flow and ebbing of the tide, and this is 
 of them. 
 
 There rolls one of the Earl's carriages, a handsome chariot, 
 faultless in make and colour. The horses, servants, and all per- 
 taining to the turn-out, are unexceptionable. But, confound our 
 specky spectacles ! they must have deceived us. Its fair occu- 
 pant we have seen *'' fretting a brief hour on the stage " of many 
 a minor, and whose honied strains never found favour in our 
 ears. How, then, does she go thus attended? We have only 
 to repeat that, with the moon, his lordship's caprices and fancies 
 change, and this was of them. 
 
 " The flower of the Court " — when the Whiocs were in — is 
 that tall, dark, and brigand-looking man, with a paget hat, can- 
 tering leisurely along, with his chin well up, and a black 
 mustache sprouting on his upper lip. He looks on exceedingly 
 good terms with himself and mankind; but more particularly 
 with himself, and has no reason to be ashamed of anything in
 
 36 d'hobsay; or, 
 
 ten'Of save the consanguinity of one we left on the box of the 
 Brighton coach with Lord Huntingcastle. 
 
 That well-made, fair horseman, with aquiline nose and devil- 
 may-care expression, is an attractive light among the weaker 
 sex, and bears ** his blushing honours thick upon him," in being 
 considered their bright castle ray. He wore, in days gone by, his 
 arm in a patent leather sling, which was remarkably conspicuous 
 in the omnibus box, and — from exquisite sympathy, perchance — 
 in that locality caused an eminent cancatrice to swoon and utter 
 a few hysterical notes exceedingly uneuphonious. 
 
 And here is a soldier, one ready for war as a game cock 
 trimmed and spurred. He "never sued to friend or enemy," and 
 loves a quarrel with all his heart. His fierce eagle eyes proclaim 
 the fire within the veins and intricacies of his frame, and so long 
 as vent is periodically given, no matter the channel, be it througli 
 a straw, a dry bone, or a black bottle. Some years since, so runs 
 the fable, a certain colonel's lady, who loved her liege lord neither 
 wisely nor too well, found favour and protection in this son of 
 Mars. On the pinions of love they winged their hasty flight ; 
 but to a distance neither long nor wide. From their place of 
 rest a message was dispatched, acknowledging the fault, and 
 expressing a decisive readiness to bear the brunt withal. The 
 answer from the injured husband, however, staggered even this 
 man, who never blanched at danger. It was neither upbraiding 
 nor lamenting. On the contrary, this was the marrow and pith of 
 the reply : — " The colonel presents his compliments, and begs to 
 convey the assurance of his belief that the lady in question was 
 ever of that order denominated frail j that now he lias satisfac- 
 tory proof of the tangible grounds on which his opinion was 
 formed, and he begs to return his sincere thanks for the obligation 
 he labours under for the facility rendered in getting rid of so 
 very unpleasant a partner of his bed and board." 
 
 Philosophy, if this was not thy handicraft, your successful 
 rival. Good Sense, had more than a finger in the pie. 
 
 A four-in-hand is always charming to gaze upon. It is a sight 
 that commands the admiring attention of those whose aerie was 
 in the cedar top, down to that humble fledgling whose nest was 
 composed of straw in a corner, little less attractive than that in 
 which many a vagabond rat has squeaked his amorous lay. And
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 
 
 37 
 
 here comes one, the very pink of drags, with *' a fine old English 
 gentlepian " holding the ribbons with skill unsurpassable. See 
 how quietly he threads the maze, and steers his little team with- 
 out the slightest labour or confusion. That is the father of fast 
 coaches, now almost extinct, and was the subject of the well- 
 known Cambridge song, of which this is the chorus : — 
 
 " The road, the road, hurrah for the road ! 
 r In tandem, gig, or phaeton ; 
 
 We love to be with the gay and free, 
 When tooled by matchless Peyton." 
 
 That gentleman in black, with a face white as Desdemona's 
 linen, so exceedingly vulgarly described by her jealous monster, 
 and driving a tilbury so near perfection that its faults might be 
 compared only to anything invisible, is just returned from a long 
 sojourn on the continent. There, it is said, his vast wealth 
 increased like a snowball being rolled gently on, and now he has 
 come to rival a Devonshire in his princely taste. No matter 
 what, be it his opera-box, carriage, castle, or any other of his 
 multifarious equipages, appendages, and establishments, the most 
 costly taste and lavish expense are bestowed upon them. He is 
 " an Earl we wot of high degree," and the sun that tips the 
 turrets of Pembroke shines on no mushroom pile. 
 
 Genius seldom gets a share of the loaves and fishes, not un- 
 frequently bestowed on addled brains and dolts whose heads 
 are hollow as scooped turnips. And yet there is consolation to 
 her lean-fed children of ambition that now and then, like cherubs' 
 visits to this ignoble planet, or such like disinterested deeds of 
 pure unadulterated charity, one of their thin ranks gapes in a 
 storm, and lo ! a pearl drops into his mouth. 
 
 Such was the case with that swarthy, circumcised driver of the 
 cabriolet now passing. Necessity struck his head, and forthwith 
 flew some bright sparks, although, it must be admitted, she 
 had to rap with a will. It was no easy task, but one of labour 
 suited to the thews and sinews of a blacksmith. However they 
 came, the tinder was ignited, and at length, after a few produc- 
 tions of equivocal and very doubtful success, ' Runnymede ' set 
 the town in a blaze. The muck better half of one dismissed 
 from the parade of life, leaving his major self an abundance of 
 the blood and sinews of society, was attracted by this curiosity of 
 literature, and, smiling upon him, endowed the object of her re-
 
 38 d'horsay j or, 
 
 gard with a very pretty per centage of all her worldly goods. 
 Then the favoured of Fortune wiped his pen, and, abandoning the 
 precarious calling of a bookmaker, joined the traders in politics with 
 cap in hand to catch the waifs and strays in pseudo-patriotism. 
 
 And here comes, all smiles and curls, one of the fairest of the 
 creation. She looks the lady from the stirrup, through which a 
 mouse-like foot peeps, to the beaver pressing her brow. She 
 rides alone, and does several things alone which would be found 
 difficult to imitate by the many. Among others, she inflates the 
 lungs of fame through the medium of authorship, and the united 
 efforts of the goddess and the publishers produce puffs of more 
 than ordinary power. ' Emily, or the Love Match,' ' Melanthe,' 
 and a few of the small fry, minor productions have, by dint of 
 sugar candy, been swallowed by patrons of circulating libraries, 
 and the pills, forsooth, required little gilding from such a charm- 
 ing dispenser. 
 
 But what is this ? An open, worn out, yellow fly, drawn at 
 sixail-pace by a flea-bitten grey, so old and jaded that he can 
 scarcely crawl. His skin, too, is so contracted upon his meagre 
 frame that the bones seem ready to start through it, and alto- 
 gether the turn-out looks little more attractive than the hearse at 
 a parish workhouse. The driver is on a par with the sorry hack 
 he is urging to draw — by dint of application to a certain raw — 
 its weary length along. Thin, bent, and decrepit, with gar- 
 ments tattered and negligently arranged, more especially a flabby 
 belcher neckerchief twisted carelessly round his throat ; he steers 
 the carriage to a conspicuous position near Cumberland gate, and 
 stops his wearied, persecuted steed. 
 
 " Now, Chaffy," said one of the two young rowe-looking men, 
 *' out with your pipe and smoke like a steamer." 
 
 This address to the coachman caused him to dive his fingers 
 under the cushion of his driving-box, and extract a short, black 
 pipe, which, after charging and igniting, he applied to his lips, 
 and willingly complied with the order. 
 
 This strange exhibition quickly attracted a mob round and 
 about the carriage, and various were the surmises concerning it. 
 At length a voice called out — 
 
 ** It's Mr Furgisson, the Marquis of Riverford, on a spree." 
 
 ^' So it is," echoed another; " and there's Betsy, the Earl of 
 Raspberry hill, with him."
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 
 
 '' Hooray ! " shouted a third. '' Boil us up a gallop. Now 
 we shall have a lark." 
 
 Without noticing these remarks, the Marquis of Riverford, 
 for the informant was correct in his identity as to the occupants 
 of the fly, unfastened a hamper at his feet, and, lifting from its 
 capacious jaws a huge brown-paper parcel of the largest sand- 
 wiches that ever were cut from loaf or ham, together with a 
 stofie bottle of porter, containing some gallons, he doled out a 
 liberal quantity of the refreshments to " Chaffy," and said to his 
 companion, " Now, Betsy, give us a flourish." 
 
 With this his noble plagiarist placed a long tin horn to his 
 mouth, and made the welkin ring with its harsh, shrieking 
 breath. 
 
 Hundreds of pairs of eyes were drawn to the quarter from 
 whence the sound emanated, and the majority, seeing the drift of 
 the joke, sent countless heads half off" with laughter. 
 
 " It's the Marquis all over," said one. " See, he's offering a 
 sandwich to his uncle, the bishop, with a pull at the pewter." 
 
 To each of his aristocratic acquaintances Avithin hail the Mar- 
 quis proffered his hospitality, and was especially pressing to 
 those who evinced most reluctance in accepting it. 
 
 "Take amoistener," said he, ''if it's only to lay the dust in 
 your choker." 
 
 Failing, however, in prevailing upon scions of nobility to insult 
 their stomachs with such common viands, he had little difficulty 
 in foisting them upon the representatives of the mobility. 
 
 Chaffy, the coachman, continued to eat in silence and perfect 
 harmony with the buried shavings of the unclean beast, and ever 
 and anon to assuage the oft-created thirst with deep potations 
 from tlie pewter. 
 
 " Have ye had enough?" inquired the Marquis. 
 
 " Quite, my lord," gasped Chaff"y, evincing symptoms of 
 repletion. 
 
 " Then look out," said the Marquis, emptying the remainder 
 of the sandwiches upon the ground to be scrambled for by the 
 delighted pedestrians in the immediate vicinity, and giving the 
 porter to a willing bystander to help himself and pass the bottle. 
 
 '< Now," continued the Marquis, " drive on. Chaffy;" and 
 slowly, it is needless to say, the carriage proceeded with its 
 eccentric occupiers — original and copyist.
 
 40 d'iioksay ; or, 
 
 Wc cauglit but a glirnj)se of him ; but that pale, emaciated, 
 dwiiullod shadow of" humanity just passed, closely wrapped in his 
 chariot and. securely protected from the fresh aii-, is a Marquis 
 also ; but a very difterent pillar of the state to the one foregoing. 
 That is the Marquis of Hereford, a man without one redeeming 
 quality in the multitude of his glaring, damning vices. But 
 more of him anon. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 It was night. The proselytes of pleasure were in the very zenith 
 of their revelry. Lights streamed, flashed, and blazed, from 
 countless casements. Music pealed from rooms crammed with 
 jostling throngs, and the dance and the laugh, and the song and 
 the jest, were strained from many a wearied limb, and still more 
 •wearied heart. A laugh ! that was no laugh. It burst from the 
 lips of a gamester as he threw a main and won his stake. But 
 that curse was sincere. It fell muttered from the tongue of his 
 friend who had borrowed tlie counters to back him out. " Ha, 
 ha, ha ! " Aye, roar on, thou dicer. Fortune rings in the clatter 
 of thy throw. " Seven's the main. Eleven's a nick. Ha, ha, 
 ha!" The money's won, and he stakes and throws again. 
 
 In a gorgeously-furnished and well-lighted room, forming a 
 part and parcel of that mighty whole, " Crockford's," a group 
 of men surrounded a large oval table covered with green baize. 
 It was accurately divided by white lines, Avith the words " In " 
 and " Out " printed at the four corners, and in the centre some- 
 thing resembling the squares of a chess-board were marked with 
 numbers in each division. In the middle of the table, and before 
 a wired-top box containing the bank, two attendants stood with 
 rakes in their hands watching the result of each throw, calling it 
 out, and paying and receiving the sums won and lost. 
 
 A little in arrear of the players a tall and rather spare man 
 stood, with a pale and strongly-marked face, light grey eyes, 
 and frosted hair. His dress was common in the extreme, and his 
 appearance generally might be denominated of that order. The 
 only peculiarity, if peculiarity it can be called, was a white 
 cravat folded so thickly round his neck that there seemed to be 
 quite a superfluity of cambric in that quarter.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 41 
 
 A smile — it might be of triumph, it might be of good nature, 
 of saiisfaction, of benevolence ,of good-will — no, it could not be 
 either of these, save the former, and yet a smile was there. 
 He was the proprietor of this leviathan of earthly hells, and it 
 "would be passing strange, indeed, for one who had drawn his 
 mammoth fortune from extravagance and reckless folly to 
 wear a look other than as a jay bends to the egg he is about to 
 suck. But there he stood, turning a pleasant — it almost amounted 
 to a benevolent — look upon the progress of the hazard, and at 
 each countenance of the players. 
 
 Among the group, sitting and standing about the table, M'ere 
 the Marquis D'Horsay and Lord Chesterlane. The former bore 
 a disconsolate mood; while the latter evinced thorough satis- 
 faction and confidence in his thoughts, or want of them ; for 
 good humour shone in his face, and he now and then snapped 
 his fingers in very good imitation of castanets, accompanied by 
 a whistle both merry and loud. Large piles of red and white 
 counters were before him, showing that Fortune had favoured 
 his designs upon her benefits. 
 
 « You're in luck, to-night, Tom," observed the Marquis. 
 
 " Yes," replied his lordship, " I have the pull. But what are 
 you doing?" 
 
 "Doing!" repeated the Marquis. ** I'm done; sown np ; 
 drawn as fine as spun glass ; eased of all anxiety from having my 
 pockets picked in my way home ; and entertain, as you may see, 
 a lively satisfaction in the pleasant carelessness of ray situation." 
 
 " By the nectar, honied look of the sweetest girl that ever 
 pointed her glass to the omnibus box ! " swore his lordship, 
 *' your looks and tone carry poor conviction to the sincerity of 
 the axiom. Help yourself" continued he, pushing a heap of 
 counters towards his friend, " and stick it on thick." 
 
 Aye, "help yourself," has been the motto of Lord Chester- 
 lane, since whereof the memory of a companion runneth not to 
 the contrary. All, all, great and small, " help yourselves." 
 There can be no end where there is no beginning. *' Help your- 
 selves." There can be no check in perpetual motion. " Help 
 yourselves." There should be no hindrance to such generous 
 bounty. " Help yourselves." Eat, drink, sponge, borrow, 
 drain, screw, squeeze. " Help yourselves." 
 
 A reckless mind dictates recklessness in the most trivial
 
 42 d'horsay ; or, 
 
 matters. That of a debtor or a gamester is ever thus disposed. 
 Either would cat his bread and butter, pepper his mutton chop, 
 get into an omnibus, extort a loan and risk it at a cast, with the 
 very self-same expression of feeling and manner. Nothing to 
 lose, and anything to gain. Who cares ? 
 
 In a heap — yes, in one uncounted, promiscuous heap — the Mar- 
 quis gathered the ivory checks on to the divison in which the 
 monosyllable " In " was legible, and in a standing posture called 
 " Five." 
 
 '* Five's the main," cried one of the croupiers, looking with 
 as much indifference at the dice as they were sent spinning across 
 the table from the hand of the caster as if they had been a couple 
 of marbles shot from the bent knuckle of a schoolboy. 
 
 ** A nick, by Love's sugar-candy kiss ! " said the Earl. 
 
 In a trice the counters were examined by one of the attendants, 
 and an addition made to their numbers in the sum gained. 
 
 With a flushed cheek and flashing eye the Marquis scraped 
 the whole again upon the " In." 
 
 The Earl looked, and Sir George — for he was one of that dis- 
 tinguished party — felt almost inclined to rub off" a black patch 
 from a pimple on the extreme corner of his lip as the lump was 
 staked, as Bosky Tom would have graphically described it, " at a 
 single fly." 
 
 ■'♦ I'm following your directions only," observed the Marquis, 
 shaking the dice. 
 
 " I am quite delighted to see that you've not only followed, but 
 overtaken them," replied the Earl, backing his friend in the ven- 
 ture by risking a pony upon the throw. 
 
 " Five," again briefly called the caster. 
 
 ^' Five's the main," echoed the croupier. 
 
 The stake and bets were heavy. Down came the box. 
 
 "Seven," cried the croupier, as the dice were uncovered j 
 " seven to five," continued he, pushing them towards the Marquis, 
 who again had to rattle the boxes for a result. 
 
 W^ith a sturdy bang they fell upon the baize. 
 
 " Seven," was the monotonous cry of the croupier, " and the 
 caster's in." 
 
 That was a draw upon the bank, that was. The money had 
 been doubled twice, and the Marquis had the pull with a 
 vengeance.
 
 -J 
 
 
 A
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 43 
 
 *' By the shade and shadows of our united whiskers!" ex- 
 claimed the Earl of Chesterlane, " I begin to feel a monomaniacal 
 itching for the clutching of that box." 
 
 " Seven's the main," called the Marquis ; and if his voice was 
 
 husky and his tongue slightly parched, and if his heart beat 
 
 more quickly than usual, and if his hand shook triflingly, and 
 
 his lips were compressed like one in desperate purpose fixed, 
 
 stil^ the cause was sufiicient for all these semblances of a mind 
 
 ill at ease. 
 
 HeatCs, yes even those hearts assembled there, fluttered at all 
 sorts of paces ; in canters, hand-gallojDS, speed, and racing time, 
 as the fortunate caster once more grasped the dice. 
 
 Not one single counter did he draw, but, as before, let the 
 whole winnings and borrowings remain a stake for a single 
 cast. 
 
 The main was seven, 
 
 " Eleven's a nick," said the croupier. 
 \^" Give me change," replied the Marquis, smiling blandly, 
 pushing the whole of the checks from him with the exception of a 
 trifling representative of twenty-five pounds, and then, in a care- 
 less tone calling the same number again, rolled the box gracefully 
 from his hand. 
 
 '' Deuce ace, the caster's out," called the attendant, 
 
 " May I neter win plate, cup, or match," said the Earl enthu- 
 siastically ; " may I never bask beneath the smile of a sunny eye, 
 if / ever saw neater play. Upon my honour," continued he, 
 addressing the Marquis, "one might picture to the imagination 
 that the box was glass for such perfect throwing. It occasions a 
 doubt whether eyes may not penetrate through wood," 
 
 The Marquis gathered the notes oflered to him into a thick roll, 
 and placing them in his hat, — for his pockets were not constructed 
 for holding money ; his tailor, in the plenitude of his wisdom and 
 experience, considered them as appendages quite superfluous, — 
 kissed the tips of his fingers to the Earl, and bending a free 
 and graceful bow to his remaining friends, took his departure, 
 with the consoling reflection that he could meet Mr Lipcombe at 
 the time promised, with the jaunty air of a man come to settle 
 with a bum. 
 
 "By my coach and osses!" exclaimed Sir Vincent Twist, a 
 tall, well-made, strongly-marked, premature wrinkled, toothless — 
 or, in the phraseology of the ring, all the front rails gone — badly
 
 44 d'horsay ; or, 
 
 dressed individual, sitting opposite tbe Earl. " By my coach 
 and osses!" repeated he, *' Fishy'sbank must be replenished." 
 
 " It's the very (hiccup) seediest thing (hiccup) a fellow could 
 jDOssibly (hiccup) -wish to draw upon," replied the Marquis of 
 Riverford, leaning on the table with folded arras, and looking at 
 the diminished capital with blinking eyes and unsteady gaze. 
 
 He had just come from a distinguished meeting in the neigh- 
 bourhood of the Haymarket, where, at a certain house having his 
 escutcheon for its sign, he had been regaling a motley crowd of 
 cabmen and nymphs with the liberal present and free gift of a 
 butt of slierry, with divers dozens of champagne, and all sorts of 
 distillations and rebellious liquors for the blood. 
 
 " I shall put no fresh bank down to-night," said the proprietor, 
 approaching the table. 
 
 The luck had been, mirahile dictu, on this night against the table 
 from the commencement of play, and he was too old a hand to 
 provoke a continuance of the run. 
 
 "Come, come," remarked Lord Chesterlane. "It will turn. 
 Put some more money down." 
 
 " No, my lord," was the brief reply. " Not to-night." 
 
 " Then I'll break what's left," rejoined Sir Vincent Twist. 
 
 " Aye (hiccup), do," added the Marquis of Riverford ; " and 
 ril (hiccup) go you halves." 
 
 *' What can you cover?" inquired Sir Vincent of the croupier. 
 
 " Two hundred and fifty pounds," replied the attendant. 
 
 "Then here goes for it," added Sir Vincent Twist, preparing for 
 a cast. 
 
 *' Mind, I'm (hiccup) to share," said the Earl of Riverford. 
 
 " You stand in, then, do you?" inquired the Baronet. 
 
 " To be sure (hiccup) I do," replied the Earl. " I've a liquorish 
 (hiccup) tooth for bones. The meat's (hiccup) sweetest as you 
 (hiccup) approach the (hiccup) skeleton." 
 
 Sir Vincent Twist threw a main. The bank was broken. 
 
 A shout, a wild tumultuous shout of triumph burst from the 
 lips of the winners as the money was handed to them. 
 
 *' I knew we (hiccup) should skin him (hiccup) like an eel," 
 observed the EarL 
 
 " You won't put another bank down ?" said Sir Vincent. 
 
 " No," replied the proprietor. " Not to-night." 
 
 " We'll play ye (hiccup) for your shirt, then (hiccup), if you 
 like," said the Earl.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 45 
 
 {{ 
 
 I'll set you a hundi-ed against your watch and chain," added the 
 Baronet more in jest than earnest; but he was taken at his word. 
 
 ^' I accept it," replied the proprietor, dispossessing himself of 
 the articles mentioned, and placing them by the side of the 
 Baronet's stake. 
 
 Fortune, capricious jade, still kept her cold shoulder turned to 
 the head of the establishment. Sir Vincent threw, and threw in, 
 wh^e a roar of laughter from the surrounding spectators wel- 
 comed his victory. 
 
 The pale, consumptive light of early morning now came strug- 
 glinjj throuo;h chink and crevice. Througrh the massive han2:in2:s a 
 ray, of bright sunshine shot itself into the room like the re- 
 proachful monitor of Time. Glare and tinsel, glitter and shine, 
 all faded before this gleam of the fresh new-born day. That 
 which looked gay as the gaudy wing of the butterfly now 
 became sickly, and tarnished, and wearying to the eye. 
 
 " Before going to my virtuous (hiccup) sheets," observed the 
 Marquis of Riverford, gaining the street, supported by his friend 
 S^ir Vincent Twist, "I'm going to add (hiccup) to my choice 
 (hiccup) collection of door-bells (hiccup), knockers, scrapers 
 (hiccup), brass plates, and po- (hiccup) -licemen's hats. Yes," 
 continued he, steadying himself, and endeavouring to look pro- 
 foundly sage, " policemen's hats (hiccup) are the curiosities after 
 all. I look (hiccup) with a degree of i-everence (iiiccup) at a 
 policeman's hat, imrticidarly if (hiccup) slightly damaged." 
 
 " You'd better let me see you home," replied his companion, 
 considerately. 
 
 "I'm always at home," rejoined the Marquis; "even in 
 (hiccup) a station house. In fact," continued he, " I never 
 (hiccup) feel more at home than (hiccup) in a station house." 
 
 " Perhaps it's use," returned the Baronet drily, as he dragged 
 his noble friend along Piccadilly. 
 
 " Perhaps (hiccup) it is," added the Marquis. " But I never 
 (hiccup) stopped to inquire. I only (hiccup) allege the fact." 
 
 And he supported this theory by a practical demonstration, for 
 that morning he courted the honey, heavy dew of slumber within 
 the walls of a station house.
 
 4G 
 
 D HORSAY ; OR, 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 There is a, greatness to be achieved, even in littleness. The pro- 
 position may be startling, but we vouch for — na}^, we will prove its 
 accuracy. The industrious fleas are very small, and yet, as fieas^ 
 they have attained a notoriety and distinction which myriads of 
 their species never have and never can hope to obtain. Still, their 
 bulk, unlike a celebrated frog of old, has not increased by puffing. 
 Now, there are countless occupations in life of less profit and 
 importance than even those of the industrious fleas; and yet 
 there is not one but has some colossal leader, some giant pioneer 
 who wields the axe of clearance. In the most humble grades of 
 this cold potatoe world the observer will find a Napoleon. We 
 remember well a deceased dustman who, with the brothers of that 
 simple craft, was admitted to be, if not very great at the cart, still it 
 was consented to by all that he was a hecjgar at the bell. A sweep, 
 too, one who wore a dangling chain and seals from his sooty 
 fob, we remember as a bright exhalation of yesterday. That 
 man had arrived at a state of obesity, and was incapable, long 
 since, of gratifying his ambition for a climb. But there was not 
 a single pigmy apprentice, not a creature in all the intricacies of the 
 trade, from a noviciate of an hour's standing to a great dust con- 
 tractor, but aspired to tread in the popular footmarks of Bill 
 Bell. He had swept more shot- towers, more gas chimnies — 
 in short, had performed more impossibilities than any prccedino- 
 " chummy," and therefore worthily filled the leader's chair. He 
 was the beacon to which numbers pointed ; sometimes in the 
 facetious manner of stretching their fingers and pressing their 
 thumbs on the ends of their flattened noses. But still Bill Bell 
 was the sweep of his day. 
 
 There was another hero, a member of a trade universally 
 allowed to be one grade lower than that of a sweep's. Poor Tom ! 
 we^think we see ye now ; but, thank heaven, it is but the vision 
 of the mind. For, to speak the truth, we never yet had you 
 within the powers of sight, but some other sense was grievously 
 abused. 
 
 Within a thousand square yards, Tom, and you were a man we 
 fervently wished farther from us. Still, ^ palmam qui meruit ferat.' 
 Tom was a philosopher, and, moreover, was admitted to be one.
 
 THE FOLLIES OP THE DAY. 47 
 
 which is a very great achievement in these degenerate and scepti- 
 cal days. His pleasures and his work were agreeably combined. 
 He could, and did, smoke a joke or a pipe, froth a quart pot of 
 Barclay's best with his used, and some, mayhap, would say 
 abused hand ; cram his maw with a prepared and salted snack, 
 whistle, sing, laugh, and all within the very depths and sinks 
 of his labours. There he was a rare bird, and if his plumage 
 was less attractive than that of a black swan, yet among birds of 
 his feather he was a tit of no common note. 
 
 Mr George Bobbins, too, was a tit of no common note, or his 
 advertisements belied him. Grand, sublimated, double-distilled 
 essence of the everlasting, at the same time somewhat thread- 
 bare, efforts of the Nine — pawned, pledged, I'enovated, yet weedy, 
 seedy, greedy, needy, tortured snips, snaps, and scraps ; torn, 
 pulled, and culled to deck the systematic puifs of the prince of 
 auctioneers ! Can such things be, and the moon not wink ? 
 
 And there, in his office, sat Mr George Bobbins, with his unac- 
 countable large-brimmed, turned-up hat, shading an unaccountable 
 expression upon his unaccountable countenance. It was not to 
 say exactly ill-favoured. Indeed, there was an inexpressible 
 something which indicated that " once upon a time" it might have 
 been feir and comely; but time, port wine, wear, tear, or claws 
 of the like nature had sadly pulled it about. His complexion 
 wore the unwholesome hue of a thick bilious fog in November, 
 and his eyes of undecided colour were full, and appeared as if a 
 couple of springs were constantly laying all particles of dust that 
 might chance to fly into them. His mouth was very large, and 
 if his teeth were not peai'ls, they were strong, even, and, as an 
 American would say, ready to " catawampously chaw up " any- 
 thing at an instant's notice, from a large estate to a hard crust. 
 His figure was tall, and designed to be portly ; but the flesh 
 hung flabbily upon his bones, and seemed to shake like jelly in 
 a spoon upon evei'y movement of his frame. His dress consisted 
 of a long dark-brown coat, collaied, cuffed, and lined with fur, 
 with a sparkling waistcoat; large and loose dark trowsers, with 
 shoes of a shape resembling a square, and immensely large. 
 Such was the appearance and bearing of George Bobbins on the 
 morning of his introduction to our readers. 
 
 Now, we have little doubt but there are many misguided 
 individuals who, from perusing the flowery descriptions of his
 
 48 d'horsay ; or, 
 
 delineating pen, think this knight of the hammer to be one of the 
 greasiest, most oily-mannered men that ever scraped a bow or 
 o-rinned a smile. In our innocence we anticipated to find one 
 softer than eider-down, a whisperer, a meek, tender exotic, a poet 
 spoiled by chance and force of circumstances — in short, anything 
 but that which saluted our eyes and ears. 
 
 Politeness goes by gradation. There are some grizzly beai's 
 more grizzly than others, both figuratively and literally speaking. 
 And we have no question but some bears take precedence in 
 wild settlements, as bears and bores do in civilized stations by 
 dint of their merits, accomplishments, or assurance ; the latter 
 quality, however, carries the day. There is nothing beneath the 
 sun so genial to prosperity as assurance. Brass, brass is the 
 only metal that rings after all. Unpolished if you like, polished 
 if you will ; but brass, brass is your standard for success. 
 
 Bright or rusty, rough or smooth, by hook or by crook; no 
 matter how, there sat Mr George Bobbins, the top-sawyer of auc- 
 tioneers, a rich and envied man. And was he satisfied with the 
 loaves and fishes amply filling his bushel baskets ? By no 
 means ! He still regarded, as he ever did, the entire earth to be 
 a divldable lot for his hammer. There was not a mountain, valley, 
 fiat, or " undulating, park-like grounds" that met his view, since 
 his eves were sensible to light, but that he measured for the most 
 advantageous disposal. The beauties of nature, so frequently 
 dwelt upon in seeming rapture by him, were, in truth, valued as 
 so much grist, and what they would bring to the mill. Aye ! 
 and the metaphor, though old, is a happy one : for no one can 
 doubt that George Bobbins ground them, as he did all things 
 within the compass of his capacity, as fine as powder. Plate 
 pictures, statuary, heir-looms, jewellery, furniture, toys, curi- 
 osities; from the sublime to the ridiculous, from the valuable to 
 the valueless, the auctioneer kept a business-eye upon all, with a 
 view to the one absorbing object of his life — a sale. On the desk 
 before the auctioneer were some thick bundles of catalogues ; and 
 surrounding the walls of the office, and at the entrance to it, were 
 numerous placards announcing that various kinds of property 
 were about undergoing the ordeal of a change of ownerships. A 
 few ponderous ledgers and books of account, with some half- 
 dozen long-legged, well-rubbed, antiquated stools, completed the 
 toxU ensemble of Mr George Bobbins's place of business.
 
 /,. 
 
 '^':'(-'iit/ 
 
 >"2^ 
 
 %?2s^ -/■
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 49 
 
 " All ! Shallow," exclaimed the auctioneer as tlie door was 
 fluno-. open, and the shrewd attorney entered. "Ah, Shallow," 
 repeated he, "glad to see you." 
 
 "Are you engaged?" inquired Mr Shallow after exchanging 
 the greeting. 
 
 " Eniyao-ed ! " said the auctioneer, in not one of the most 
 
 DO 
 
 melodious voices that ever was heard, " of course I am. I'm 
 alweys engaged. My time's the public's, not my own. I'm like 
 a hackney coach, at the beck and call of my customers. And, 
 my deg.^ fellow, as you are one, and one of my best, name the 
 job in as few words as possible, and I'll stretch a point to oblcege 
 
 " Bitchfiekl's traps are to be '' and the speaker significantly 
 
 pointed to the back of his thumb over his left shoulder. 
 
 "You fZo«'; say so ! " rejoined the auctioneer, getting off his 
 stool, and refreshing himself with a peculiar rub and a shake. " You 
 don't say so," repeated he with a look of portrayed satisfaction. 
 
 " He's done to a turn," added Mr Shallow in a voice that 
 admitted of no question as to the truth of the assertion. " He's 
 done, you may say, quite brown." 
 
 " One man's food is another man's poison," piously ejaculated 
 the auctioneer. " What a blessing that is to think of! And is it," 
 continued he, deeply interested in the intelligence, " is it to be 
 a sudden smash, or a launch off an inclined plane ?" 
 
 "He's walking the plank now," replied the attorney, "and 
 when he comes to the end it will tip up, and overboard he'll go 
 
 ■v\'ith a " and Mr Shallow, in his funny mood, drew a sound 
 
 from his mouth which resembled the pop of a cork from a soda- 
 water bottle. 
 
 " Oh ! then I'm to understand he's not quite pickled," rejoined 
 Mr Georo;e Bobbins. 
 
 " Not pink through," returned the lawyer. " But I've come 
 expressly for a little more salt," continued he, bringing a paper 
 from a secret pocket in the breast of his coat. 
 
 "' Humph ! " observed the auctioneer, interrogatively eying the 
 document as a cat would a mouse. 
 
 "This is a bill of sale of all his movables, goods, chattels, and 
 effects," replied Mr Sliallow patting the paper almost affection- 
 ately. " The land is mortgaged to the teeth," continued he. 
 "His bills are not worth their stamps; but" — and lie shook 
 
 £
 
 50 d'horsay ; or, 
 
 the document in a waggish humour — " this is as safe as the Bank 
 of England: safer if there's a choice." 
 
 " And he requires an advance ? " remarked the auctioneer. 
 
 " Pre — cisely so," returned the lawyer. " I'll advance half 
 the amount wanted, and you shall make up the other half." 
 
 " The per centage?" shortly inquired Mr George Bobbins. 
 
 *' Will depend on your powers of eloquence," flatteringly 
 responded his friend. "■ For excepting the sum we shall hand 
 
 over now "- 
 
 *' Exactly so," interrupted the auctioneer, anticipating the 
 sequel with profound sagacity. " And what is the amount ? " 
 " Ten thousand," rejoined the attorney. 
 
 *' Share and share alike, I suppose/" returned Mr George 
 Bobbins, with the air of a martyr. 
 Mr Shallow nodded. 
 
 *' When is it wanted ? " asked the auctioneer. 
 '' To-morrow morning," was the answer. 
 
 '' And what is it for? " inquired Mr George Bobbins. " Is 
 it to settle on a " and the questioner broke out into an un- 
 controllable fit of laughter, which prevented the conclusion of his 
 query. 
 
 '* No," replied the attorney. " Quite a different object." 
 *' To make a few matches against your flyers ?" said the auc- 
 tioneer, " and thus drop it as easy as a bird would a moulted 
 feather." 
 
 " No," again said the lawyer. 
 
 ** To have one desperate fling at his old game?" persevered 
 Mr Geoi'ge Bobbins. 
 
 ''No," once more replied the attorney. 
 
 *' Then what may the design be ?" inquired the auctioneer, 
 tired with his speculations. 
 
 " If you had put that question at first," returned Mr Shallow, 
 " you would have saved yourself an infinite deal of breath, as I 
 always reply to feeling interrogations by monosyllables." 
 
 " It's discreet, certainly," added the auctioneer. " But you 
 were going to inform me of the object of this last cut on the 
 cards." 
 
 " Some men," metaphysically observed Mr Shallow, " are 
 never contented with the pace. If they're going sixteen miles an 
 hour, they want to go twenty. If they're going twenty thev
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 51 
 
 wish to travel thirty, and so they go on increasing in their desires 
 with the speed they arrive at. Now this has been the exact case 
 with Bitchfield. From being a steady coach he became fast, 
 then from being fast he became rapid, and then from rapid he 
 ran away." 
 
 " That's the way with nine-tenths of 'em," observed the auc- 
 tioneer, by way of parenthesis. " They never bolt at first unless 
 they be just from grass, and then a packthread checks them." 
 
 " Well ! " continued Mr Shallow. " A few open carriages and 
 a few clo^e ones, with fair occupants in all, a fine stud of race- 
 horses, a pack of fox hounds, an open house, nightly visitations 
 at Crookford's, a generous dispositon even to the sweepers of the 
 crossings, are not likely, collectively and respectively, to add to 
 a man's wealth." 
 
 " Certainly not," returned Mr George Bobbins, breathing an 
 inward prayer to fate that the contrary was the exact and certain 
 result. 
 
 "But even these were insufficient," continued the attorney. 
 '■'■ These high-pressure locomotives were not enough to wind up 
 the web fast enough, although for seven years his losses at hazard 
 alone have averaged a hundred a night." 
 
 " Dear me !" exclaimed the auctioneer. " A hundred a night 
 
 for seven years ? " 
 
 "Yes," continued Mr Shallow, '< that's the amount. But a 
 
 few months since he took it into his head to dig for ore, and raised, 
 
 through me, about sixty thousand to commence operations with. 
 
 The vein is not yet found," said the lawyer with a chuckle. " But 
 
 who can tell what these last few pounds may do ? " 
 
 " Ah ! " ejaculated the auctioneer. "Who can tell? A very 
 sensible question, which may remain, for aught I care, un- 
 answered." 
 
 " And now this affair's settled," observed the attorney, "what 
 are you doing with Raspberry hill ? " 
 
 "All's in train for a " and Mr George Bobbins brought 
 
 his clenched knuckles sharply on the desk. " Ah !" continued he, 
 drawing a long breath, " that mill be a sale. The gems and 
 curiosities, articles of verta and all sorts of things, I shall turn 
 to account from musty nooks that, at another time and upon 
 other occasions, wouldn't fetch the price of old iron, will form 
 the wonder in the annals of auctioneering."
 
 52 d'iiorsay ; or, 
 
 " I suppose there'll be a few introductions," remarked Mr 
 Shallow, with a very sly peep out of the corners of his eyes. 
 
 " You'd scarcely believe it," returned Mr George Bobbins, 
 laughing inwardly, " but one of my rascals proposed to intro- 
 duce a very ancient cradle, that has been kicked about for years 
 up stairs, as the vcr}^ one Horace Walpole was rocked in. Ha, 
 ha, ha ! " 
 
 " Ha, ha, ha ! " echoed the lawyer. " Ha, ha, ha ! " and the 
 joint effects of their mirth rang from wall to roof until the very 
 placards vibrated again. 
 
 " Good bye, my dear fellow," said the auctioneer, exchanging 
 hands with his friend as he turned to take his departure. ''Good 
 bye; God bless ye !" Such was Mr George Bobbins's benediction. 
 And why should he not bless Mr Shallow ? God bless us all ! 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 As if no change had come o'er the spirit of his dream, there the 
 Marquis D'Horsay lolled negligently in his chair of ease, in 
 the same posture and dress, and in the same condition of lassi- 
 tude, and at precisely the same hour as when we first discovered 
 him at his breakfast without an appetite. There might be, indeed 
 there was, a shade more thought on his brow, and, from a con- 
 traction, it would seem not an especially pleasant one. 
 
 '' The subject's quite exhausted," observed he, fanning him- 
 self with one of a heap of unopened, suspicious-looking letters 
 lying on the table before him. " The subject's quite exhausted/' 
 repeated he; " I've replied to them in every way and shape. 
 There's not an excuse remaining that can be called original. 
 Duns are gregarious animals, and make their attacks in such 
 flocks that, really, a dictionary of ' calls again to-morroAv ' would 
 be quickly drawn dry and of little avail. Here," soliloquised 
 the Marquis, looking at the letters a vast deal ' more in sorrow 
 than in anger,' " here I should imagine, at a rough guess, arc 
 some thirty applications for the settlement of bills, all in the 
 same legible, unmistakable writing. Now, what is one to say 
 to such a monotonous, conglomerated mass ? If I say that I 
 will pay they 7voii't believe me. If I reply that I can't pay, still 
 they don't believe me. In either case no credit is given, and
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 53 
 
 that's the most lamentable part of the affair. The rascals decline 
 extending their credit now, let me tell them what I will. Hoav 
 often have I of late given orders of the most extensive nature ; 
 and yet, alas ! how seldom have they been fulfilled. Instead of 
 obeying them, a bead from the rosary of memory is sent — as the 
 poet has beautifully described it — in the shape of a very long 
 account of very ancient standing, accompanied by entreaties, 
 threats, or petitions, according to the natural disposition of the 
 applicant, or whether he be in want of physic or not. Such 
 being a fair representation of the reversed order of things, I've 
 given up all exertion concerning them. I only desire for them to 
 become in the same listless mood ; but they, as yet, evince no 
 such inclination. On the contrary, day by day their energies 
 increase. The knocker, really, is never at rest. And as for 
 these dumb monitors," continued the Marquis, gently poking the 
 heap of letters, " if they increase for the next three months as 
 they have for the last three, paper and wafers, I imagine, will 
 be scarce and difficult to obtain." 
 
 At this moment a loud single knock at the street-door was 
 heard. 
 
 " Yes," observed the Marquis, as the shock somewhat dis- 
 composed ihe serenity of his nerves ; — by the way, these single 
 knocks always do, however practised the ear may become ; — 
 " Yes," repeated he, looking at a handsome bronze clock on the 
 mantel-shelf, " it's about the hour they begin this direful thump- 
 ing, and it lasts, generally, till dinner-time. There ought to be 
 an act of parliament to abate the nuisance, — a nuisance at once 
 profitless, and worse than objectionable. For my part, if I were 
 a misguided creditoi', whose sensations I never yet had the felicity 
 of entertaining, I should give myself as little trouble as possible 
 when the case assumed the complexion of hopelessness. But 
 instead of which, the more hopeless, the more devoid of even 
 the visionary perspective of payment the affair is, the more 
 desperately attentive and persevering the unhappy mortals be- 
 come. Really," said the Marquis, smiling, and running his 
 delicate taper fingers through his luxuriant curls, " the subject is 
 Interestino; ! It forms one of tho.?e contradictions of human 
 nature which comprises, or should comprise, the heads of — i 
 believe they're called — sermons and lectures." 
 
 Knock now succeeded knock in quick succession. Whisper-
 
 54 d'horsay; or, 
 
 ing, half-subdued voices, shuffling of feet, and the oft-repeated 
 closing of the door were sounds that greeted familiarly the ear of 
 the Marquis. 
 
 " Not up."—" Not at home."—" Out."—" Engaged," were 
 the varied replies of the porter to the applicants. 
 
 " At home to you, sir," said the man of the portal, hi an under 
 tone, to one he had been compelled to deny for form's sake. 
 
 And who was it that entered with such a swagger of self-im- 
 portance, tricked out in colours and jewellery, and having the 
 beai'ing of one crammed with the vanity and conceit of a vulgar 
 mind? Bosky Tom; yes, no other than Bosky Tom. There 
 was no duplicate of this worthy. He stood by himself alone. 
 And it is a matter of congratulation for the well-being of society 
 that his position was isolated ; for a few such might have shaken 
 the West and its wild inhabitants from their little remaining sense 
 of propriety. 
 
 " Ha!" exclaimed the Marquis, lazily turning his head as the 
 door was opened, and his visitor announced. " Ha ! And how 
 does Fortune's first favourite progress ? " 
 
 " Thank ye, kindly, Marquis," replied Tom, taking a chair 
 in a free-and-easy manner, Avithout Avaiting for an invitation. 
 *' As strangers, we're getting on famously; and if not quite such 
 intimate friends as I could wish with the old 'ooman what's always 
 a-playing blind man's buff, yet we're becoming better acquainted 
 every day." 
 
 " Night, you should have said," rejoined the Marquis. 
 " Well ! it might have been more proper," rejoined Bosky 
 Tom, drawing from his coat pocket a highly-scented handker- 
 chief, and giving it a flourish, as a preliminary to remove an 
 imaginary particle of dust from his lips. " It might have been 
 more proper," repeated he ; " for our gambols with her are by 
 the light of the gas." 
 
 " And so you've had a run of luck," said the Marquis, ''with- 
 out any strong pulls upon the bank ?" 
 
 " Yes ; it's been pretty well all one way," replied his visitor. 
 " Then you've not come upon the fruitless errand of making a 
 demand for any sum that may be considered owing to so 
 flourishing a concern ?" returned the Marquis, in a voice which 
 indicated a total indifference as to the object of Bosky Tom's 
 visit.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE PAV. 55 
 
 " Why, Marquis !" replied his companion, in an expostulatory 
 tone ; " your bits of stiff are shocking drugs. We can't get 'em 
 done now at any price. And as to your I O U's and checks, 
 we couldn't negotiate with anybody, although we tried in all 
 quarters, except with a trunk and bonnet-box maker. He agreed 
 for so much a pound ; but then it was by weight, Marquis." 
 
 "What a cannibal !" exclaimed the Marquis, with a negligent, 
 idle ^ir. " By weight, eh ? Really, the joke is almost good 
 enough to repeat." 
 
 " StilLit's somewhat of a serious one for us," returned Bosky 
 Tom. 
 
 « y, it?" added the Marquis, sleepily. " Indeed !" 
 
 " You can't get a friend to join in a bill for a few cool hundreds 
 at a long date ?" inquired the creditor. 
 
 " My friends' autographs are already procured to the utmost 
 limits of my persuasive capacities," replied the Marquis. 
 
 " Not a single cove left ?" pleaded Bosky Tom. 
 
 " Not a feather," replied the Marquis, briefly. 
 ^' Plucked clean ?" rejoined Tom, despondingly. 
 
 The Marquis closed both his eyes, and nodded a passive assent. 
 
 " Poor deluded individuals 1" added Tom, commiseratingly. 
 
 A pause ensued^ during which time the debtor and creditor 
 eyed each other attentively j the former through his apparently 
 closed lashes — the latter out of the extreme corners of his down- 
 cast eyes. 
 
 '^ I must draw ye, somehow," at length ejaculated Bosky Tom. 
 « We can't afford to lose " 
 
 '' Lose !" interrupted the Marquis, quickly ; and then, gently 
 gliding again into his manner of ease, said, in a gentle tone, 
 " May I inquire what you have lost?" 
 
 " Five thousand pounds you're indebted to us, Marquis," re- 
 plied his creditor. 
 
 " In what coin, or representative of money, was the amount 
 advanced ?" inquired the Marquis. 
 
 " Counters, as you Avell know," returned Bosky Tom, in a 
 manner which approached the dogged and sullen. 
 
 " Yes," added the Marquis, smiling ; " in thin, round pieces 
 of ivory, the five thousand was lent. Supposing, now, I was to 
 invest a small sum of money in tusks, and repay you in your 
 own coin, how would the account stand then ?"
 
 56 d'hoksayj or, 
 
 " This is old 'ooiuairs play to talk so," said Bosky Tom, irri- 
 tably. '' Yon had the money's worth, and must pay, as all men 
 must who play." 
 
 " If they possc?s the wherewithal," replied the Marquis, with 
 imperturbable coolness. " Provided always," continued he, lan- 
 guidly, " tiicir having made themselves legally responsible. 
 Such is the law, I'm given to understand." 
 
 "Well!" exclaimed Bosky Tom, "law or no law, I've not 
 come to ask for what I can't have. I thought you might be able 
 to get a kite endorsed by some pigeon who could bear the 
 plucking; but as you say you can't, there's an end to that 
 matter,"' and the speaker sighed heavily as he concluded the 
 sentence. 
 
 " You have some feasible proposal in the background, I see," 
 observed the Marquis. " A little corps of reserve. What is it T' 
 
 ''This," returned Bosky Tom, "as there seems to be no 
 choice. You know,"' continued he, " what a splendid advertise- 
 ment you are." 
 
 The Marquis winced. 
 
 " There's not such an advertisement," continued Tom, regard- 
 lessly, " for the tailor, hatter, coachmaker, horsedealer, hosier, 
 and bootmaker, in the world. I've often thought so, and often 
 said so. Put all the papers together, morning and evening, and 
 all the prospectuses, and all the placards on hoards, and all the 
 walking sandwiches with boards before and behind, and all the 
 perambulating wans, they'll never, said I to my partners, this veiy 
 day, get such an advertisement as the Marquis on wheels." 
 
 The Marquis was quite silent during this eulogistic notice of 
 his value in the public gaze : but he looked as if it was anything 
 than flattering unction to his vanity. 
 
 " Now, we're a young house," continued Bosky Tom, " and 
 although doing a pretty stroke of business, still we should like to 
 do more." 
 
 *< Veiy natural and praiseworthy," said the Marquis. 
 
 " And you can assist us. Marquis, in carrying out the inten- 
 tions." 
 
 " Me ! " exclaimed the Marquis, drawing himself upright in 
 his chair and looking exceedingly astonished. " No, no ! "' con- 
 tinued lie, shaking his head as if a sudden unpleasant thought had 
 entered there. " I can never descend to the occupation of a
 
 TIIi: FOLLIKS OF THE DAY. 57 
 
 bonnet, however empty the exchequer and ghostly the chance of 
 replenishing it." 
 
 " i^or was I going to ask you," replied Bosky Tom. " All we 
 Avant is for you to let your flashy cab stand for a couple of hours 
 or so at our door, and for you to sit at the table and play, as usual, 
 with our money. There can be no objection to that, I suppose." 
 
 " None in the smallest degree," rejoined the Marquis, smiling 
 a complete approval to the arrangement. " The conception is in 
 the mildest form disagreeable, if disagreeable at all, and that de- 
 pends entirely upon the results of my nightly labours. Pray," 
 continued he, " are my winnings to be carried to the old account, 
 
 or may I feel sufficient interest in the game to ? " and the 
 
 Marquis slightly but significantly tapped that part of his trow- 
 sers where a pocket might be supposed to be. 
 
 "Over a hundred," replied Bosky Tom, " and it must go to 
 the old score. Under that amount you may grab." 
 
 " A liberal and, at the same time, judicious policy," rejoined 
 the Marquis. "■ My cab and myself are at your service." 
 
 '^* We understand each other, then?" returned Bosky Tom, 
 preparing to take his departure. 
 
 " I sliould say to perfection," replied the Marquis. 
 
 *' We shall see you to-night, I hope," added his visitor. " It's 
 Saturday, and after the opera the cab would be sure to draw." 
 
 " We, that is the cab and myself, will be at our appointed sta- 
 tions in the very nick of time," rejoined the Marquis. " Fear 
 not." 
 
 Upon this Bosky Tom took his departure. 
 
 " A very easy way," soliloquized the Marquis, '' of getting'out 
 of a difficulty. I wish all my creditors would turn their attention 
 to advertising by such means. The cab would then be the most 
 profitable investment I ever possessed, although great, very great 
 difficulty attends my reaching it now. Once in, and I am as safe 
 as Rothschild ; but from this door to the step, although not three 
 yards, I feel the most unprotected person living. The truth is," 
 continued the Marquis, " I must devise other means of defence 
 from these attacks than the lynx-eyed watchfulness of my porter. 
 I'll fortify myself within screened walls, like a baron of old, and 
 brave the pressure as the armoured tortoise does the waggon 
 Avheel."
 
 68 d'hobsay; or, 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 In the sun's glow the fruit ripens, flowers expand, and all things 
 quicken to maturity. And tlien from maturity they sicken to 
 decay. Such is ever the result of an o'er true tale of passion. 
 
 The Countess of Rivington had been — nay, Avas — one of those 
 rare and beautiful women who visit earth in the exact image of 
 the beings described in Mahomet's heaven, save that her eyes 
 were as blue as its vault, instead of the dark -eyed, ethereal 
 houris, attending the true believers in the Koran when shuffled 
 from their mortal coil. She was tall and stately, with limbs cast 
 in one^ of nature's faultless moulds ; and, what is more than a 
 graceful person, she possessed grace in her mind and grace at her 
 heart. Not a movement but what was elegant; not a thought 
 but what was refined ; not a word but what was well tempered in 
 purity and captivation. Rare gifts, too, were hers. Poetry had 
 crowned her, if not with evergreen laurel, still she had woven a 
 wreatli of flowers for her brow, and right well did the garland 
 become it. Music loved her well, and echoed willingly to many 
 a soft, thrilling chord when struck by her light, delicate hand. 
 Thus beauty, grace, poetry, and music, were her attendants ; 
 and what mortal could desire more charming handmaids ! 
 
 Time, perhaps, had mellowed and even plucked the freshness 
 of her beauty ; still she was a lovely woman, and will remain so, 
 even if she become a gray ruin of beauty. Ivy clings about her ; 
 thejplant of memory, constant in adversity, twines his unfading 
 vine around the shrine, and breathes defiance to the grizzly- 
 bearded reaper's scythe. 
 
 The Countess had been twice married; but was now free from 
 those riveted bonds which death alone can sever, — and certain jDro- 
 ceedings, by the way, in Doctors' Commons. She had had no 
 anxious cares of a mother ; but a daughter, by her late husband, 
 claimed her protection as a step-child. Whether it was afforded 
 or not, will form no present inquiry in these pages^; A few brief 
 facts, however, must be narrated. Soon after the decease of the 
 Countess of Rivington's liege lord, the Marquis D'Horsay be- 
 came the husband of his only daughter. 
 
 "Paired, but not matched," says the old proverb. And 
 although, if we are to credit the assertions of our grandsires,
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 69 
 
 marriages are fabricated in heaven, the manufacture of some 
 would lead us to suppose, from the bungling, palpable, and un- 
 mitigated errors in their formation, that the handicraft must be 
 turned from a place of mischief, instead of that garden wherein 
 the pippins of discord never grow. 
 
 Be this, however, as it may, the match with which we have 
 more particularly to do was no sooner kindled by the torch of 
 H^men than, like a damp lucifer, it refused to burn. Out it 
 went, never to be re-kindled. 
 And wherefore ? 
 
 Aye, it is a far easier task to put a question than to answer it. 
 And still as every why has its wherefore, let us endeavour to 
 wring a reply from testimony, however reluctant in opening her 
 records. 
 
 The Marquis D'Horsay's figure, style, taste, manners, accom- 
 plishments, birth, extreme beauty of features, and dazzling station 
 in the heaxi monde, made him, and well they might, the univer- 
 sally-admired object with women, and scarcely less so of envy with 
 iiien. Was it surprising, then, that one in whose veins the blood 
 was unfrosted, who, like a moth flitting round a brilliant flame, 
 until, overpowered with the brightness, it darts into it regardless 
 of the dire eff'ects — was it surprising, we repeat, that one thus 
 placed within the circle of temptation, should sear her wings like 
 many have done before ? 
 
 Morality shakes her head. Prudence must needs blush and 
 bury her face in her dry, bloodless palms- -for Prudence is very 
 old — and stiff"-laced Decorum looks as if suddenly metamorphosed 
 into a bag of starch. And yet, notwithstanding these signs and 
 omens, woman — fond, warm, loving woman — will dare and brave 
 the worst for the idol of her affection. What cares she for the 
 cold gaze or the smiling sneer? 'Tis as a feather to the gravity 
 of her soul ! 
 
 Too well, and far from wisely, the Countess of Rivington 
 loved the Marquis D'Horsay. Concealment was useless, and, 
 therefore, never attempted. In public and in private, in halls 
 and in closets, in the extended and contracted spheres of 
 life, the subject was often mooted, generally admitted, and never 
 contradicted. All knew, and what seems strange, all took an 
 extraordinarv interest in the indubitable admission of the state of 
 the affaire de ceevr. Numbers viewed it in a little more offensive
 
 CO d'horsay ; or, 
 
 light than that of ill-juilgcd platonic affection, and few, very few 
 in the great mass, looked iipon the attachment as an example to 
 nvoid. The Countess and her cavalier were considered to be ex- 
 ceptions, by that inconsistent monster, Society ; and whatever 
 code of morality might be broken by tlieir relative positions, still 
 that silly, sleek-coated, dove-tonged creature, can twine and 
 twist a cramped exception into a support to its rule, with the 
 23ractised edge of a lying lawyer's tongue. 
 
 And did the Marquis return measure for measure ? If he did, 
 the stock from which he filled his metre must have been an 
 unboundcn one. There could have been no limits, or if there 
 were they must have been of the gigantic measurement of the 
 united pyramids of Egypt. Was he like, then, a butterfly in a 
 conservatory? Or a bee among the tendrils of a honeysuckle? 
 Or a black beetle in a sugar cask? Or a mouse nibbling in a 
 Avarehouse of double Glo'sters ? The comparisons are diversi- 
 fied, and yet they give but a faint idea of what the Marquis was 
 among those who smite with tender looks, and win with smiles 
 that gimble through the heart rapidly and securely. 
 
 With some, Avhose imaginations had pictured the Marquis 
 *' all their fancy painted," he was styled " a fancy man ;" and if 
 romance was ever felicitously blended with the real, this was a 
 happy case in point. The Marquis was, in truth, the bell-wether 
 of his order. 
 
 At an open casement, in a large and imposing mansion in the 
 immediate vicinity of Kensington gardens, sat the Countess of 
 Rivington. During the brief hours of darkness, for it was the 
 very height of summer, she had remained there ; and now the 
 pale tinge of the early day streaked the east, still she continued 
 in the same spot, a lone and anxious watcher. 
 
 Who can tell? Aye! who can tell what it is to wait for the 
 heart's loved object, save those who have counted that lazy time? 
 The hours creep their dull length along in barefaced mockery of 
 impatience. They are no longer fleet-winged as the skimming 
 swallow, but with broken pinions they flap their way 5 dull 
 laggards that they are. 
 
 Blanched was that lady's cheek, and deeply marked her 
 brow. Care, and great care, too, was in every lineament of her 
 features. Resting on one hand, she turned a quick ear to every 
 approaching sound, and, until it proved to be not the one desired,
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 61 
 
 lier pulse throbbed at an increased rate, and her heart beat more 
 quietly. Again and again she \yas doomed to disappointment. 
 
 *' It used not to be thus," she said at length. " It used not 
 to be thus ; " and at the conclusion of the sentence she rose from 
 her chair, and paced the room hurriedly. 
 
 And where was the Marquis D'Horsay, the object of her 
 solicitude? Shall we, with the power of Asmodeus, skip o'er 
 wall and roof, and, stripping the substantial curtain of bricks 
 and mortar from all its inward secrets, lay them bare to the 
 prying, peeping eyes of our companions? Yes, or how can we 
 expose "■ the follies of the day," and vices of the night ! 
 
 In an elegantly-furnished apartment, not far from the Italian 
 Opera house, the Marquis had been passing " his evening," as he 
 would call it, in the society of one of the public's first favourites in 
 the poetry of motion. That it had been pleasant, there can be but 
 little doubt ; so pleasant, indeed, that the small hours had been 
 Avell dipped into long before his attention was drawn to their 
 finking in grains upon the shores of time. 
 
 The remains of refreshments, tastefully served, stood upon the 
 table, and while the Marquis lolled upon a sofa at some little 
 distance, a lady, tall, graceful, and slender, sat close to it, in what 
 may be called a disconsolate mood, pulling a faded bouquet to 
 pieces — (it had been thrown on the stage amid the plaudits of a 
 thousand hands) — and pouting her disjjleasure, or as an acquisition 
 to her beauty. 
 
 *' T love you, by heaven, to madness," sung the Marquis, in a 
 subdued tone, and looking at the ceiling abstractedly, and keep- 
 insf time with his crossed dexter foot ; " and what can I swear 
 
 o 
 
 to you more ? " 
 
 " A ver great deal more," replied the lady in the prettiest 
 broken English possible, " if dat is what you swear to every- 
 body." 
 
 " But, my dear Fanny," rejoined the Marquis in a tone of 
 expostulation, " how very wrong it is for you to accuse me of 
 loving everybody. You know my taste is superlatively chaste, 
 and extravagantly difficult to please. How, then, can I be that 
 general admirer so constantly referred to by you?" 
 
 " I don't know how" returned the lady angrily, "and I sail 
 care less for the future." 
 
 "Now, you're quite jealous, I see," added the Marquis,
 
 62 d'horsay; or, 
 
 recovering a sitting position. " But why should I complain ? It 
 heightens the tint on your cheek " — (perhaps it did ; hut if so, 
 the tint perforated a very thickcoat of rouge) — "brightens," con- 
 tinued the Marquis, " the flash in those beaming eyes, and adds 
 lustre to that which was dazzling before." 
 
 When was flattery too sweet for a vain woman ? 
 
 " How prettily you speak when a naughty boy," replied the 
 ladv, falling nine degrees in her anger. " I could almost forgive 
 
 you." 
 
 "Could!" repeated the Marquis, "you mean have forgiven 
 me all my peccadilloes. Is it not so, Fanny ? " continued he, 
 rising, and drawing on a glove as a signal for his departure. 
 
 *' Promise me good behaviour for de time to come, then," said 
 the lady, shaking her up-raised finger at the delinquent. 
 
 " I'll promise anything," replied the Marquis, " and will seal 
 
 it with a " and the remainder of the sentence was broken in 
 
 carrying its meaning to a practical demonstration. 
 
 "J/a foil" exclaimed the lady, regaining her good humour. 
 " De time is long, I tink, since I met with so warm a kiss." 
 
 "Nay, nay," replied the Marquis, raising his hands imploringly, 
 " do not remind me of such remissness . Shall I wait an hour or 
 so longer to make amends ? " 
 
 " By no means," replied the favourite of Terpsichore. "I will 
 not say dat I wish you gone," continued she, looking archly at 
 the Marquis ; " but when you are " 
 
 " You'll refresh those wearied and exquisite limbs b}^ repose," 
 interrupted he. 
 
 " Yes," rejoined the lady; "for my two encores tired me to 
 de great measure." 
 
 " And yet without them," returned the Marquis, **you would 
 have felt greater fatigue." 
 
 " 8aiis doute," added she, " in de heart." 
 
 "Who could be barbarian enough to tire such a heart?" said 
 the Marquis, in a gallant humour. 
 
 " Mon Dieu .'" ejaculated the lady, lifting her elbows, shoulders, 
 and eyebrows. "Then why do you make it ache sometime." 
 
 "Say rather why should it ache without a cause?" replied 
 he. 
 
 "You always succeed in de speech," she rejoined. " I will not 
 say one word more."
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 63 
 
 " Except adieu," returned the Marquis, with an accompaniment 
 incuml>ent upon him to make. 
 
 "When shall we meet again?" inquired the lady. 
 ^' Ere," said the Marquis, pulling aside the curtains hanging 
 before the windows, and admitting freely the sunbeams, long 
 since struggling through chink and through crevice, " ere that 
 Bude light pretends again to equal its rival the neighouring gas- 
 lamp." 
 
 With this the Marquis took his departure, and in a few 
 seconds the clatter of his horse's feet ceased to jar upon the ear, 
 and frightened grimalkins, scared by the noise, issued again from 
 area depths and lurking places to screech and claw for their 
 " ladye loves." 
 
 Now, it so occurs in this jostling, sublunary, earthy stage, on 
 which every man and cat is expected to play a part, that there are 
 frequently many candidates for one possession. It signifies not 
 what the nature be of the thing to be won ; it is next to a cer- 
 tainty, that many competitors will challenge their respective 
 merits for the palm. From a ribbon and order of the garter, to 
 the symbol of the hangman's office — the halter — numerous are the 
 candidates for the honour and emolument attending the empty 
 stall and the deserted gibbet. There is never a lack. 
 
 An observant eye can scarcely fail to have remarked that a 
 successful danseuse, pampered by the praise of an adulating 
 public, has generally a train of admirers, eager as a troop of 
 boys to cap a butterfly, seeking and hunting for her smiles 
 and favours. And, too, it can scarcely miss to have left 
 an impression on the said referred-to organ of vision, that these 
 smiles and favours, when bestowed, are never considered by the 
 donor in the light of a monopoly. Share, and if not share alike, 
 still there must be a disjiensation of the gifts to more than one of 
 the entered favourites, and, for the most part, in accordance with 
 the consideration bestowed for their possession. 
 
 Love is as great a merchant as Baring and Co., and deals in 
 his wares with the same simple fundamental rules of dealing and 
 market prices. So much for so much. Like sugar, indigo, or 
 cochineal, tlie tender passion has its rises and its falls, its pre- 
 miums and its discounts. 
 
 Among the fair dealers in this marketable commodity, there 
 are some who will accept those very doubtful forms of exchanges
 
 64 b'horsay ; or, 
 
 in the shape of promises. Not bills payable at sight, but en- 
 gagements at long dates, and more than questionable of ever 
 finding assets to meet the acceptances. Now, when the risks are 
 large, the profits should be great ; an unquestionable axiom in 
 all pursuits of gain. The solvent, too, must make good the 
 deficiencies created by the insolvent. 
 
 Well ! among the "adorable Fannv's " doubtful debtors was 
 our hero, the Marquis, Still while he flitted in her train — after the 
 principle of Bosky Tom's customers — numbers of true, good, and 
 sound " men about town" were eager, as carp for green peas, to 
 win with gold what their wit could never have possessed. It 
 may appear strange that this inclination should be capable of being 
 conducted after the fashion of the electrical telegraph : but so it 
 was ; so it is. Men are ever more ready to be guided in their 
 opinions and tastes, of every kind, than forming either the one or 
 the other for themselves. The weaker sex — heaven forgive the 
 error ! — are perfectly cognizant of this ; and if, like the wary 
 hunter of wild fowl, they have their stool ducks, the lure is well 
 conceived for the object of ultimate capture. 
 
 Scarcely was the last faint sound of the Marquis's retiring 
 wheels audible, when a light summons was given at the street 
 door. 
 
 The lady turned her ear quickly to the sound, and smiled — not 
 as when bending gracefully among a shower of wreaths — but as 
 naturally as a cottage child bobbing for a cherry. 
 
 " Dat is him," she said in a whisper, throwing herself on to 
 an ottoman. 
 
 A footstep, nimble with expectation, skipped up the staircase ; 
 a gentle knock, and, ere the " come in " could be given, the door 
 flew open, and there stood the Earl of Chesterlane. 
 
 Not many a weary mile from this scene one laid hushed in 
 fitful slumber. It was a good and virtuous wife dreaming of her 
 
 wrongs.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 65 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 That ambition sliould be made of remarkably stern and tough 
 material tliere cannot be a question. So frequent are the rebuffs 
 met with in its slippery climb, that unless there be the consistency 
 of glue or pitch in tlie gripe of him who aspires to breathe over 
 the heads and level of his fellows, the attempt will prove not un- 
 like that doubtful elevation of the stoic, who claimed the right of 
 taking precedence, and being above the cold, calculating codes 
 of this matter-of-fact, bread-and-cheese, thin, and common swipy 
 world', by his fixed determination of invariably overlooking his 
 debts. This celebrated philosopher, notwithstanding some heavy 
 drawbacks upon solving his theory into rules of practice, had, 
 and indeed has, many proselytes of enthusiastic temperament. 
 They adhere M'ith a fanatic tenacity to the primitive principles 
 laid down for their observance, and, like other martyrs, are com- 
 pelled to pass through certain ordeals and trials, for, doubtlessly, 
 the praiseworthy purpose of testing their zeal. Among these pains 
 and penalties may be enumerated dunning, bumming, and gazet- 
 ting. These three degrees of comparison are especially familiar, 
 and may be considered the rudiments of the noviciate's studies. 
 Then follows the "seedy state" with all its varied forms and 
 colours. Tripping nimbly on the heels of this condition may be 
 added the o'er-ripe, over-blown " weedy stage." And then the 
 occupation's gone. 
 
 The pure, unadulterated, unmixed spirits who are found at the 
 head of the foremost ranks in this modern school of ethics, maybe 
 enumerated those facetious dogs whose plenitude of fear has gained 
 for them the title of " men wlio live by their wits." Nothing can 
 be more flattering ; nothing more creditably meritorious. Now, 
 these choice licwers of the way on tlic high road and bye lanes of 
 life, may be found in nearly every oasis and spot, oflfering a crop 
 to their ready-whetted scytlies. And they cut close, too, or their 
 chroniclers err in the most essential qualification to those destined 
 to mow their own grass. Be this, however, as it may, in no 
 sublunary spot 'ncath which the moon's phases skim, is to be 
 found such unljlcmished specimens of sharj)-brained mortalit)' as 
 in that far-famed locak — "■ Tattersall's." 
 
 If man be the noblest study to man, nowhere docs such a 
 
 F
 
 66 d'horsay ; OR, 
 
 volume present itself for his perusal. Acutes — to use a new term, 
 may here be discovered of every shade and texture ; not an excep- 
 tion to be found wanting. From the humble dealer in canine 
 whelps, to the noble dealer in a nobler animal, from the sporting 
 character who stakes his half-an'-half and goes of cordial with 
 many " outs," to him who bets his thousands, with not a jot more 
 interest in the result, offers in numbers no ordinary collection for 
 the observation of tlie curious in the affections of such bipeds. 
 
 " Lot twenty-six, a grey mare, quiet to ride and drive, and has 
 carried a lady — What will any gentleman please to give for 
 her ?" 
 
 Such was the introductory remark and query of Mr Richard 
 Tattersall, occupying the elevated position in a pulpit, from which 
 little truth, compared with the opposite, had been promulgated 
 since its erection ; but in no way compromising the honesty of its 
 respective deliverers, as they acted only in accordance with their 
 received instructions. We have heai'd honourable members of the 
 bar apply this palliative as imction to their consciences with singu- 
 lar success. " What will any gentleman please to give for her?" 
 repeated the auctioneer. " Fifty guineas for her. Forty. Thirty. 
 She's to be sold. Run her down," continued he, as not one of the 
 motley gi'oup in the yard evinced a disposition to bid without a 
 test of the grey mare's action and qualifications to her alleged 
 merits. 
 
 " A good goer," observed Mr Tattersall eulogistically, as the 
 grey mare was compelled to do her best by dint of the free appli- 
 cation of a loud cracking whip. " A remarkable good goer," he 
 repeated. If she was, the goodness was kept an especial secret j 
 for as she limped along in a shambling ti-ot, three legs w^ere visibly 
 unsound, and the fourth presented a very doubtful tendency as to 
 its freedom from ills to which horse-flesh is heir. " Twenty guineas 
 for the mare. She's quiet to ride and drive, and has carried a 
 lady," resumed the auctioneer. 
 
 Still all were silent. 
 
 " Say something for her," pleaded Mr Tattersall. " She's to be 
 sold. Ten, five — anything." 
 
 A nod was given. 
 
 " Five's bid," said the auctioneer, "and then he ran the lot up 
 to ten pounds — the reserved price — in such a quick and natural 
 way, that one more experienced than a freshman might have
 
 ^.^.,
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 67 
 
 imagined, in his innocence, that every increased amount was a 
 genuine offer. Whereas not a farthing had been advanced upon 
 the original five pounds. 
 
 " Will any one give more ?" asked Mr Tattersall, glancing at 
 the legitimate bidder in that form which comes under the graphic 
 description of " a sheep's eye." 
 
 The nod was repeated. 
 
 A Httle entreaty, a few more panegyrics on the supposed merits 
 of the mare, and then down came the hammer with " sold " for its 
 echo. •, "^ 
 
 The purchaser looked as if he had had sufficient practice in the 
 art and mystery of horse-dealing to avoid being let in by appear- 
 ances which admit not of being described even as deceptive. For 
 such was the number of screws loose in the machinery of the grey 
 mare, that the most unskilful could have detected her defects. 
 
 " I'm a knowing card," was openly declared in the slang, 
 turned-up hat shading his chubby cheeks and chubby nose, 
 pleasantly adorned with stationary pimples. " I'm a slap-up 
 kiddy," was advertised in the blue and white spotted kerchief 
 twisted round his neck. " I'm a downy cove," was portrayed in 
 his Newmarket cutaway coat and long, very long waistcoat. 
 Even his straight logs, incased in tight-fitting cords, announced 
 broadly, "we're inexpressibles of no ordinary stuff." 
 
 "I thought I couldn't be mistaken," observed Bosky Tom, 
 edging his way through the crowd towards the buyer of the 
 animal mentioned as having carried a lady; "I thought I couldn't 
 be mistaken," repeated he. " It's Knowing Harry, by all that's 
 simple." Obtaining a path to the elbow of the gentleman de- 
 scribed as Knowing Hai-ry, his attention was quickly attracted from 
 an opposite quarter by Bosky Tom's planting a familiar and 
 hearty thwack between his shoulders . 
 
 " Well, Emperor ! " exclaimed Bosky Tom, " what's the luck ?" 
 The party thus regally addressed regarded the inquirer in such a 
 state of mingled surprise and doubt, that the expression upon his 
 features amounted to something akin to solemnity. Slowly he 
 turned his eyes from the extreme tips of Bosky Tom's patent 
 leather boots until tliey rested on the velvet knap of his glossy 
 beaver. So measured, indeed, was the look, that it was all-sufficient 
 to awake impatience in a hot temperam ent with its sluggishness. 
 
 " I've seen a few come-over-mc ups and downs," replied simple
 
 68 d'horsay ; or, 
 
 Harry, fixing, at length, his wandering eyes upon a colossal nihy 
 pin in the strikingly attractive scarf emerging from Bosky Tom's 
 bosom, like the inflated crop of a fancy pouter. " But take a suck 
 at the lemon and at him agin," exclaimed he enthusiastically ; " if 
 this doesn't beat cockfighting ! " 
 
 " You'd scarcely know me," added Bosky Tom, making a dive 
 for the points of his shirt collar, and bringing them to view with a 
 movement indicating a perfect satisfaction with the anticipated reply. 
 
 " I knew a oss," returned Knowing Harry deliberately, and bv 
 way of a parable, *' that could walk a little, trot a few, and as for 
 jumping ! d — n my eyes. But," continued he admiringly, ''you 
 beat Iiivi in all his paces." 
 
 " Ah ! " ejaculated Bosky Tom, stretching his legs apart, " I 
 was always a climbing boy." 
 
 " Don't tiy a certain kind of stairs again though," rejoined 
 Knowing Harry with a wink. 
 
 " No, no, no," returned his companion, extracting a gold watch 
 fi'om his waistcoat pocket, and glancing at the dial, " there's no 
 danger of that. But what are you doing ? " 
 
 " The old business," shortly replied Knowing Harry. 
 
 " Horse-chaunting, eh ? " returned his friend. 
 
 " Not exactly," replied Hariy, " although it's but an improve- 
 ment on that trick." 
 
 " I thought there must be a fresh kite in the wind," rejoined 
 Bosky Tom. "What is it?" 
 
 " We come the advertising trade now," returned Knowing 
 Harry, " and until well blown we shall cut it fat. But," con- 
 tinued he with a sigh, " not so soft and oily as you, after all." 
 
 '•' Put us up to the wrinkle," added his companion. "You know 
 that I shall neither peach nor work the oracle to my own gain." 
 
 "' Nothing can be more artless to be called an artful dodge," 
 observed Knowing Harry, tapping his dexter knee with a short 
 riding whip. " You saAv me buy a grey oss just now ? " 
 
 " I did," replied his companion, " and a precious screw she is."' 
 
 " Not a more precious one in London," rejoined Knowing 
 Harry enthusiastically. " She's the best screw that ever passed 
 ihroufh my hands, and this will be the fourth time she's gone 
 through 'em. I call her," continued he, "the annuity mare, and 
 a safer investment man never had. She's as good as a govern- 
 ment pension."
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 69 
 
 " But how do you work her at such a profit? " inquiied Bosky 
 Tom. 
 
 " r was about telling ye," replied his friend. " By tender nurs- 
 ing we can get that mare to go sound, on the soft, within a 
 fortnight. That done, I advertise her as the * favourite nag of a 
 deceased gentleman, a kind and considerate owner being required, 
 price being a second consideration.' A black livery that I keep 
 on purpose helps the business amazingly. The bait swallowed, a 
 flat calls to view the property of the late owner no longer able to 
 mount pig's-skin, and there he sees, and has the pleasure of talking 
 to, a nice, respectable-looking man servant, who lived God knows 
 liow many years Avith the dead and gone, and lets him know 
 that a better master couldn't be, nor a better oss to carry him." 
 
 "I see," remarked Bosky Tom. 
 
 "Yes," returned Knowing Harry, "it doesn't require very 
 strong spectacles. A trial's always allowed upon depositing the 
 money," continued he, " with an understanding that it's to be 
 returned if so be the tit doesn't suit. And so difficult are most 
 petJ^le to please, that I never knew a single instance when the 
 rowdy was not wanted back again." 
 
 " But — " said his friend. 
 
 " It was always Walker," concluded Knowing Harry. " Tlie 
 worthy flunky had been called suddenly into the coimtry, and 
 Ibrgotten to leave his address." 
 
 " It's an independent livelihood," observed Bosky Tom. "A 
 nice, quiet, sociable way of getting one's daily whack ol' 
 vittles." 
 
 " It's not amiss," returned Knowing Harry, " and when one 
 gets hold of a good screw like the grey, returns is quick. Within 
 a few days she's sure to be put up here, and then we get her at 
 cat's-meat price, and ring tlie changes upon her stables to the same 
 old tune, with trifling variations." 
 
 " Ah ! " sighed Bosky Tom. " If I should ever be reduced to 
 a small capital, I'll invest it in a promising screw, and oil her as 
 you do." 
 
 Quitting the presence of his friend. Bosky Tom turned liis 
 footsteps from the yard and entered the subscription room. 
 
 If there be an assembly of a more mingled order in tliis world 
 tlian another, it is the one encircled within the walls of " the 
 betting room at Tatt's." Here may be seen the high and the low,
 
 70 d'horsay ; ok, 
 
 the rich and the poor ; the credited and the creditless. Here may 
 be seen those who have risen from the very ashes and dust of 
 obscurity and pauperism, to be men of substance in the state. 
 Here may be seen those who have climbed, and those who have 
 formed the [steps withal. Jostling and elbowing — " hail fellow, 
 well met" — are dukes, jockies, lords and touts, legs, black- 
 legs, prizefighters, hellites, Jews, and every denomination described 
 or neglected to be under the title of "men who live by their wits. " 
 
 That quietly-dressed, tall, and gentlemanly person is the pioneer 
 of improvements in the laws of the turf. Lord George Bedtick is 
 a right honourable man, and regards honesty as the leading policy 
 even in matters relating to the course. He is the best starter of a 
 large field that can be foimd in a year's search, and is held in 
 especial reverence by the knights of the silk and snaffle, who occa- 
 sionally find, to their cost, tricks must be paid for. 
 
 Although not of a silky exterior, that tall and powerful frame, 
 containing well-knit thews and sinews, is a gentleman. He loves 
 a race with all his heart, and is the most successful two-year-old 
 runner in the sporting world. Colonel Reel knows, too, how to 
 make a match, and if it does not always come off" in accordance 
 with his anticipations, still, upon the whole, a heavy balance will be 
 found in their favour upon the accounts being audited. 
 
 There is a gallant captain, and Conservative member for a right 
 Radical borough. He wears no very amiable expression of coun- 
 tenance, and yet, mayhap, it belies his disposition; for his friends 
 are numerous, and his foes are scant. 
 
 " A thousand to forty against Nonsense," halloos a somewhat 
 dry and husky voice. 
 
 It is a bold bet, Mr Harry Dale. We remember you a little 
 slip-shod Yorkshire lad, employed in polishing the coats of horses 
 and other duties belonging to a stable boy. And now you drive 
 your own turn out, and bank your thousands. Oh, the good 
 savoury pies that you have had a finger in, Harry Dale! The 
 reflection causes one's mouth to water. The pre-decided certainties 
 with which ycu have had to deal, and not even the shadow of a 
 risk, are enough to drive men mad with envy. There was among 
 those glorious pickings the Liverpool steeple chase, when Lottery 
 could scarcely be prevented from winning in spite of the scientific 
 jockeyship of his rider, and other equally safe sources for the in- 
 crease of capital. Thiift, thrift, Harry Dale, has been thy motto.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 71 
 
 and if there have been deep iinder-currents for the gaining of it, 
 still success has topped your efforts, and there is some merit in the 
 consiimmation, no matter how obtained. 
 
 Viscount Nedstone, beware ! remember the pinions with which 
 you fly are as yet belonging to a fledgeling. Venture not like a 
 wanton boy, out of your depth, in a sea of troubles. Let your 
 razors be stropped for years to come, ere you submit yourself to 
 the tender mercies of those who live by stripping live geese of their 
 featners. 
 
 The smartly-attired, pale-faced gentleman, with a badly-con- 
 struetdd wig, is an offshoot of the great legal functionary in the 
 High Court of Chancery. His affectionate parent professes to make 
 him an allowance for his maintenance; but the payment is so 
 constantly delayed, that for the last twenty years it is a question 
 whether the collective amount would defray the cost of his white 
 kid gloves and blacking. And yet he lives, and lives well. God 
 save the everlasting bank of wit's ways and means ! 
 
 That somewhat short, busy-bee-looking individual is a Avhole- 
 saie speculator. Smallerex, by name, stands almost at the head 
 of the alphabet, and stakes hats full of money with the same sang 
 froid that he drinks soda water. 
 
 There is not a safer game on the cards than getting sufficient 
 money against a horse to be able to afford to buy him at a command- 
 ing price. The purchaser can then — acting under the stereotyped 
 rule of doing what one likes with one's own — make ends meet in a 
 most agreeable way, without causing any discomposure of the 
 nerves. The nag can be drawn, hocussed, rendered amiss, or his 
 throat cut, and yet the delectable owner may net the balanced 
 profits of his scheme. 
 
 Ha, ha ! Who would run a horse to win ? 
 
 Such, once upon a time, was the self-interrogatory of that dis- 
 tinguished member of the betting fraternity. Mr Revel had a 
 glimmering conception tliat a certain horse bearing a transatlantic 
 name Avas a shade better than he anticipated, and so to get rid of all 
 nervous forebodings he took him under his own fostering care. 
 That horse never came to the post, and died soon afterwards. 
 
 Ha, ha! Who would run a horse to win ? 
 
 But truth is a libel, and those who tell it oftentimes get well 
 punished for their simplicity. To this may be added, " It sarves 
 'em right," and so thought Mr Revel.
 
 72 d'hoksay ; OR, 
 
 Tliere is a good man wi^tli the spice of the Jew, and there an 
 Irisli O'Something shoukleving a cannie Scot. And such a con- 
 fusion reigns of tongues and noises, out-babelling Babel, that we 
 e'en seek repose by dropping our pallet and pencil on a subject 
 not a tithe complete. 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 Summer ! no, there is nothing like the summer. It is nature's 
 holiday. Not the dullest thing that creeps but feels all life's astir 
 • — ^young, glad, buoyant life. Pleasure's decked in her Sunday 
 bib and tucker, and trips o'er moor and mead light merrily. 
 Come, thou jaundiced ej'c, cramped, and crooked grumbler, 
 stewed mid bricks and mortar — thou town-bred, begrimed, and 
 smoky sparrow ; thou kennel cock, bereft even of a dunghill 
 whereon to throw thy matin challenge to the breeze 5 thou bilious, 
 consumptive tulip in attic window high — come, come with us, and 
 we will lift thy lazy blood. 
 
 There, beneath this old chestnut tree let us rest. 
 
 " Ha, ha, ha ! " 
 
 " Why did you laugh ? " 
 
 " 'Fore God, because we must ! " 
 
 Wherefore does that leaf flap and rustle in the breeze ? — the 
 wanton, rakish breeze who toys with all charms on his way. Why 
 does that mounting lark, now a speck in the clear blue firmament, 
 cai'ol his trilling notes heavenward with his heart in his song? 
 Wherefore is it that the cricket chirps from yon hawthorn bush ? 
 The laden bee, too, is humming to his thrifty store. The cowslip 
 pale, the rose, and daffodil has he been rifling. A right busy 
 robber is he, I wot. When the morning dew glistens in lily bells, 
 violet cups, and secret depths of the blossoming honeysuckle, 
 there he is, sipping and gathering in the early light, and when 
 the shades of evenino; thicken, still he seems vet unwearied with the 
 task foredone. If there be a wherefore for every why, say how 
 is it that those Aveb-limbed insects, now things of air, and fresh from 
 the slimy pool, a very nursery for gnats and tittlebats, are whirling 
 and dancing in a phalanx of giddy vagaries ? See how they rise and 
 fall ; now in, now out, now mounting higher and higher, and — yes, 
 that was the stoop of a quaint-winged bat that drove them to earth
 
 I
 
 / /
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 73 
 
 again and its sheltering darkness. How they are scattered, and 
 yet they buzz on with unimpaired glee and measure. 
 
 Why do we laugh ? 
 
 Ask the nightingale the reason of her singing to the otherwise 
 dull and empty night. Ask the sluggish, drowsy beetle how is it 
 that he whir-rs from his ivy clump, and drums his heavy wing in 
 the silent hour, when the toad croaks loudest to his mate. 
 
 Why do we laugh ? 
 
 Ask the butterfly — but that puts us in mind of our digression. 
 
 " It's a butterfly turn out, all gingerbread and precious little 
 ginger,'* remarked one of a crowd of coachmen and their subordi- 
 nate dependents, surrounding that queen of drags, the once fast 
 Taglioni, as it stood before the entrance of the Gloucester hotel in 
 Piccadilly, preparatory to starting on its first journey to Windsor. 
 " All gingerbread and precious little ginger," repeated he. 
 
 In this figurative description of a negative fault, resulting from 
 sheer envy, we can in no way concur. For the eclipse to stage 
 coaches of eveiy shape, shade, and colour this said Taglioni cer- 
 taijily was. Neither money nor credit had been spared to render 
 it perfection's model. What the ready could not handily procure, 
 I O U's were freely applied to make good the deficiency. The 
 teams were matchless in equality of make, pace, and spirit. The 
 harness was dazzling, with silver figures of the fair danseuse from 
 whom its title had been taken, and there she was, blazoned on the 
 panels, in form so trippingly, and winged withal, that " to fly " 
 seemed part and parcel of the whole. Nothing in the shape of that 
 — now alas I — faded and gone gem of the road, a stage coacli, ever 
 came near the Taglioni. " Fast, very fast," was as legibly stamped 
 in blinker, crupper, buckle, and boot, as in the rattling bearing of 
 each member of the merry crowd now scrambling and climbing to 
 the roof. 
 
 Egad, it was enough to make young hearts flutter ! and old 
 ones, too. 
 
 " Let them go," said the Earl of Chestcrlanc, springing into 
 the box. 
 
 It was well that the leather was new and strong, or trace and 
 rein must have snapped like })ackthrcad. Moved with one impulse, 
 the four high-mettled horses sprung forwards with the will of 
 nntrapped pigeons. Hold them hard, my lord, oi-, like that am- 
 bitious whip, the driver of the chariot of the sun, you will have an
 
 74 d'horsay ; or, 
 
 awful spill. Bur-r-r ! the stones bleed beneath the clanking hoofs 
 and whirling wheels. Now the high road is gained. Give them 
 their heads. On, on they sweep. Clouds of dust rise to mark 
 tlieir way, and ere it falls again not even a sound is left of the 
 course or the whereabout. 
 
 " The sensation's pleasant, very pleasant," remarked the Mar- 
 quis D'Horsay, occupying the box-seat with the noble coachman. 
 " I was always partial to velocity of movement." 
 
 " In everything but smoking," replied Lord Chesterlane, flanking 
 the leaders into a spinning gallop — " in eveiything but smoking," 
 repeated he, " a man's not fit to live who doesn't love a flying 
 pace." 
 
 " A splendid conception," added a voice in the immediate rear 
 
 of the driver. " In all things save using up a cigar ; such has 
 
 been my maxim through life. That is to say," continued he, 
 
 " after gaining, — the eventful epoch in a man's career, — my 
 
 majority." 
 
 " Of course," returned Lord Chesterlane, slightly turning his 
 head to the speaker, " no one dates his life except from the hour 
 he touches the rhino. And few, I imagine, remember that relish- 
 ing, palatable time with more superlative zest than you, George 
 Pang." 
 
 " It certainly proves to be one of the pleasures of memory," 
 replied the party addressed j " and I wish, most especially, that 
 the time present was a period in which the feeling could be en- 
 gendered without retracing so many voids and gaps." 
 
 " Ha, ha I What, you feel the chill from the moulted feathers ? " 
 rejoined the Marquis. 
 
 " There's at least something in its approach to the difficulty of 
 raising the down," returned George Pang in the interim between 
 exhaling a volume of smoke and drawing one from the burning 
 weed between his thumb and finger. 
 
 " Experience is a damper to the most careless of heart, 
 George," added the Earl of Chesterlane. " And I dare say 
 you'd hesitate now to scatter those hands-full of money to the 
 scrambling crowd, as you did on the natal day empowering ye to 
 begin the fling?' 
 
 " Perhaps I should," replied George, " but the reflection is so 
 devoid of all utility that you must pardon my entertaining it 
 sufficiently long to be capable of giving a decided ' answer. A
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAT 75 
 
 smoked cigar," continued he, taking a last pufF from his consumed 
 havannah, " should never occupy any one's attention." 
 
 " I not only admire that sentiment," rejoined the Marquis 
 D'Horsay, " but most cordially bestow upon it my endorsement. 
 Epicureans — men of taste — live for the present, and are as indif- 
 ferent to the sipped pleasures of the past as they're careless of the 
 store of futurity." 
 
 ",By beauty's dazzling eyelash!" exclaimed the Earl. "By 
 Psyche's blush as she stood on heaven's threshold! how prosy 
 we get:" and as he concluded the sentence he urged the horses 
 to an increased speed. 
 
 On the coach rolled. Shoeless urchins scampered after it and 
 hallooed themselves hoarse. Old men rested on their staffs, and 
 with dull, bleared, and blinking eyes stood gazing at the heart- 
 inspiring scene until they, too, felt disposed to add to the din and 
 cheer. Young children, in their nurses^ arms, stretched forth 
 their hands and screamed with delight, and, when all had passed, 
 turned with wondering looks and pursed lips to those who held 
 them. 
 
 Five miles of the second stage had been rattled over when the 
 stretched figure of a man, lying upon his face across the road, 
 arrested the attention of the noble coachman and the progress of 
 the carriage at nearly one and the same moment. 
 
 " Now then, you Grecian!" cried he, bringing the blown and 
 heated horses suddenly upon their haunches. " Are ye dead?" 
 
 " Drunk," quickly replied a voice. " I'm dead drunk, I give 
 you the honour of a gentleman." 
 
 " Why, it's Jerry ! " exclaimed the Earl, as a liveried servant, 
 who had been ravishing many an car with the merry note of his 
 bugle, descended from his seat behind and gently turned the 
 countenance of the self-accused to view with the toe of his top- 
 boot. And there was that familiar face — those features whereon 
 we have so often looked with admiration, amounting to almost 
 fondness ! Inimitable Jerry ! prince of vagabonds ! — can we call 
 to raemoiy a meeting, worthy to be called a race, where thy 
 rascally, unmistakable, roguisli visage was not to be seen ? Not 
 one ; no, not one. Tlicre you always were, in cocked hat and 
 jaunty air, levying contributions upon the public with the counter- 
 feit semblance of a man of fashion, and little less right, withal, 
 than many an original from whom you drew so faitliful a copy.
 
 76. d'uoksayj or. 
 
 Great, sublimated Jerry ! liow often has your purse been left at 
 home, in the hurry of departure, that you might borrow — for 
 mind, Jerry never begged — of your friends and acquaintance. 
 Like numbers who quarter on the mass, Jerry knew full well the 
 ease of obtaining money under false pretences, and was never 
 known to use any other than these po])ular appliances. 
 
 " How came you thei-e, Jerry?" inquired the Earl. 
 
 " I've been dining, my lord," replied Jerry, staggering to his 
 shoeless feet and recognizing his patrons on the coach, after some 
 strenuous efforts to retain his perpendicular ; " I've been dining, 
 my lord," he repeated, with a sound which bore close affinity to 
 a hiccup, " with my uncle the Archbishop. But he's a seedy 
 tyke, unworthy oi my society." 
 
 " How so?" inquired the Marquis. 
 
 " He hasn't a soul above unions," replied Jerry. " And the 
 worst of it is," continued he, " unions rebel against the economy 
 of my system. Could your lordship conveniently oblige me with 
 the loan of a couple of half-croAvns to correct the mistake created 
 in my afflicted abdomidal regions ? " 
 
 " Where does your uncle the Archbishop live?" asked the 
 Earl, flinging the required sum into the extended and dexterous 
 fingers of the applicant. 
 
 " His present residence, my lord," replied Jerry, doing his best 
 to speak plain, " is at the bottom of that lane, where I just left 
 him, profitably and industriously employed." 
 
 " Curing souls ? " inquired the Marquis. 
 
 " No," returned Jerry ; " tinkering kettles." 
 
 " Is it from his peculiar avocation that he derives his title ? " 
 said the Earl, laughing. 
 
 " Yes, my lord," replied Jerry, looking more than ordinarily 
 wise. '■'■ That's the tap from which he draws his Yorkshire stingo. 
 And although," continued he, " there may be a distinction 
 between filling up a crack in a frying-pan or saucepan, and 
 stopping a leak in a man's immortal distillation or spirit, I've 
 often thought the difference veiy slight." 
 
 " Theology seems to be among his abstruse studies," observed 
 the Marquis. 
 
 *' The term is not quite within the compass of my compre- 
 hension," rejoined Jerry. " But if the study in the smallest 
 degree approaches the circumvention of endeavouring to live
 
 THE FOLLIES OK THE DAY. 77 
 
 without exertion, and remarkabb'^ well, it must have formed one 
 of my departments of knowledge." 
 
 " Enough, enough ! " exclaimed the Earl, and, loosening the 
 tightened reins, the horses plunged forwards and sped with 
 feverish haste towards the good old town of Windsor. 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 It may- appear, at first sight, incongruous to declare that some 
 men cannot afford to walk ; but the consistencv no loncrer assumes 
 a questionable shape upon the inquirer's dispensing with the attic 
 honey xipon the outside coat and mackintosh of the flower, and 
 diving his bill of curiosity into the secret recesses and depths of 
 the fox-srlove. There will be found the essence of facts condensed 
 in the patent boiler of truth ; and to gainsay them would argue 
 the denier to be a filtered, unadulterated animal, unqualified even 
 to envy the jackass his redundance of ear. However, let the 
 evidence of the inquiry be its own prop. 
 
 Our hero, the INIarquis, was one of that order of men who could 
 not aftbrd to walk. Let not an xuisophisticated member of the 
 Lincoln-green society — one of those unripe pippins incapable of 
 assuming a different hue to grass in early spring — imagine that 
 he was completely out of boots or out of the elbows. No such 
 thing. The stock on hand was too large to admit of the pro- 
 bability of such an undesirable consummation of adverse events, 
 and then, again, if patience was exhausted in one quarter, so long 
 as appearances could be maintained, there was every facility of 
 giving " a turn " to another. Oh, yes ! such was the popularity 
 of the Marquis among the fashionable supplyers of necessaries 
 and superfluities that, until the vein of their generosity had been 
 kept open too long and the bleeding procrastinated to weakness, 
 there were always numbers to be found ready to furnish their 
 ledgers with a long list of figures, resolving themselves into those 
 accounts so frequently referred to in the Courts of Bankruptcy and 
 Insolvency — bad debts. The Marquis was by means spun so fine, 
 and yet he could not afford to walk. Speculations of gout, rheu- 
 matism, luijabago, corns, or chilblains may possibly flicker in the 
 minds of the guessing and impatient of anticipating a cause. 
 But it was none of these.
 
 
 78 d'horsay; or, 
 
 A soft, sleek-skinned, wary mouse was invited, in those good 
 old times when animals gave tea-parties, to lap a dish of bohea 
 with a brindled grimalkin. 
 
 " Excuse me," replied the mouse, peeping from his snug 
 retreat. " A pen'orth of safety 's worth a pound of danger, and 
 I can't afford to speculate." 
 
 With this careful axiom of the mouse our hero fully assented, 
 and, entertaining visions of danger in being pounced upon in 
 leisurely strolls by the various and numerable enemies to a gentle- 
 man in difficulties, he wisely resolved to trust to the fleet legs of 
 his dainty stepping-horse, when taking the air, rather than to his 
 own. In short, the Marquis could not, consistently, run the risk 
 of doing violence to his feelings of self-preservation. 
 
 Now it so happened upon one eventful morning — after an 
 elaborate survey, performed by his faithful valet, of each nook, 
 corner, post, doorway, and cranny in the vicinity that might 
 chance to hold a reptile of the law or loquacious dun — the Mar- 
 quis issued from the screened walls of his new residence, near 
 Hyde Park, in his cabriolet. It may be recorded here that this 
 locale was admirably chosen for eluding the ferreting senses of 
 those who seem never weary in hunting a debtor to earth. High 
 and strong gates, locks, bars, bolts, private and concealed doors 
 were felicitously placed for security and escape, and the same 
 precautions taken for guarding against surprise and assault as in 
 those days when men buckled harness to their backs and wore 
 swords as unexceptionably as wasps wear stings. 
 
 There might be a nervous twitter through the frame of the 
 Marquis as he threw sideway glances here and there in his pro- 
 gress, and if an innocent individual or two — as far from designing 
 aught against his liberty as heaven is from fraud — ^were mo- 
 mentarily mistaken for representatives of the worthy Sheriff of 
 Middlesex, still — as the pickpocket fears each lamp-post a police- 
 man — the feeling was far from being either uncommon or an 
 unnatural one. 
 
 It being quite impossible that the Marquis could move without 
 drawing the observation of everybody — from the man in the 
 monument, and perhaps in the moon, down to an humble 
 merchant in periwinkles — it is a matter of no wonder that he 
 should prove a source of attraction on this occasion. The eyes of 
 Knightsbridge were upon him j still not one viewed him ini-
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 79 
 
 mically. Argus- visioned Hyde Park corner then came into play ; 
 still he, was free. Well had it been for him had he not attempted 
 Piccadilly ! There was the mistake. 
 
 We have often heard old grandames say, that there is nothing 
 like having a personal interest in an undertaking, and to perform it 
 oneself in order to ensure success. This trite observation never was 
 more ably supported, and its truth illustrated, than in the person of 
 Mr Sloughman, as he crouched behind a line of cabs on the stand, 
 waiting for the approach of the Marquis, after the fashion of a 
 panther ■ in her lair for the coming of an unsuspecting kid. 
 Figuratively speaking, the very tail of his coat was beyond con- 
 trol with exultation. And, perchance, Mr Sloughman had suffi- 
 cient cause to feel thus moved, for in his own Israelitish person 
 he combined the two deepest concerned characters in a doubtful 
 loan — the creditor and bum. The creation of this influence may 
 be briefly related. Mr Sloughman, for an homoeopathic con- 
 sideration, became the possessor of the Marquis's autograph 
 across a certain piece of paper with a comprehensive stamp upon 
 it. In good time, as the document clearly expressed, this should 
 have been exchanged for the circulating medium of a more 
 genuine description, in shape of the standard coin of the realm. 
 However, promises neither written nor verbal ai'e kept with that 
 punctuality which the holders of them, in whose favour they are 
 made, so generally and flatteringly lead themselves to expect. 
 Mr Sloughman's hopes were doomed to disappointment. The 
 note — like the aerial machine — fell flat as a flounder at the 
 moment of its maturity, and then it was that the dread officer of 
 the law, whose executions exceeded those of Jack Ketch by many 
 a score, turned his attention to seeking his remedy. And here we 
 find him in the very act of putting it in force. 
 
 " You're an artful dodger," muttered Mr Sloughman between 
 his teeth, " and have given me a considerable deal of trouble ; but 
 I'll go in now and win." 
 
 " Shall I try to stop the oss by throwing my at at is ed?" 
 inquired a junior bum, in his noviciate condition of attendant upon 
 Mr Sloughman. 
 
 " It mayn't be a bad move," replied his superior, " particularly 
 as he's coming along by no means slow." 
 
 At this moment the horse was picking his road witli the 
 fastidious tread of a French dancing-master in pumps, just opposite
 
 80 d'horsay ; or, 
 
 the place of concealment, when the hat was whirled with effective 
 aim at his head. Like a sail blown from the bolt-rope he flew 
 aside, and then dashed forward half frenzied with fear. The hand 
 of Mr Sloughman clutched at the rein, and nearly succeeded in 
 grasping it; but the fates were averse to the catch, and it failed 
 in its object. 
 
 Our hero perceived the danger, and essayed to meet it with the 
 nerve of one prepared for emergencies. No whip was needed, 
 and yet he applied it with quick and stinging severity. The thong 
 cracked round the flank of the punished animal, and, ere it had 
 been repeated, he was tearing along at speed in his endeavours to 
 distance the bum. But a bum — that is, an experienced bum — is 
 not an easy impediment to get rid of. The rein escaped Mr Slough- 
 man's out-stretched hands, it is true ; but like that celebrated 
 sportsman who " heard the cock neigh," if he missed the tit he 
 hit the barn. Clawing Avith the tenacity of a cat to an apple-tree, 
 Mr Sloughman fixed his hold upon one of the C springs behind 
 the cabriolet, and jumping on to the step, resolved to adhere to his 
 post with the determination of grim death to a broom-stick. But 
 like other exalted men, Mr Sloughman soon discovered his position 
 to be no sinecure. Intuitively the tiger became cognizant of the 
 desperate condition of affairs. Looking doAvn, with rising blood, at 
 the interloper upon his privileged one-foot square in the rear, and 
 deeming him neither useful nor ornamental, he commenced an 
 attack, not far from resembling the gallant Tom Thumb's, upon the 
 Ogre. With might and main he sent his miniature top-boots 
 against the os frontis of the enemy. The diversion was a happy 
 one and well conceived, and baffled the foe immensely ; but the 
 weapons were too much in want of powder to effect a dislodge- 
 ment. 
 
 Thoughts, rapid as the mad career of the horse, flashed through 
 the brain of the Marquis. At one moment he resolved to point, 
 like a hard-pressed fox, to the nearest refuge. Crockford's, 
 White's, Boodle's, were all at hand ; and although all presented 
 attractive intricacies for a secure retreat, still each possessed some 
 glaring objection. At length, ignorant of Mr Sloughman's riding 
 like some hideous nightnaare on the back of the cab, he reined in 
 his horse, and, skilfully avoiding all impediments in his way, 
 turned him sharply down Bond street with the view of distancing 
 his pursuer.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 81 
 
 The applauding shouts, however, of " Go it, little iin," soon 
 discovered the fallacy of the design. The Marquis glanced 
 through the window immediately behind him, and saw, like 
 Napoleon through a glass, the overthrow of his force. Unhappy 
 tiger — pitiable cub ! With an approach to patience the persevering 
 bum had received the kicks so industriously bestowed upon him 
 from Piccadilly to Bond street. But there must be an end to all 
 sublunary inflictions, even the trespasses upon patience, and 
 therefore Mr Sloughman's decision not to sit to be kicked any 
 longer, as he arrived abreast of Akinson's bear's-grease mart, will 
 form no matter of astonishment. 
 
 " I tell you what it is, my pink," said he to his youthful 
 tormentor, " if you don't keep your spindle-stumps quiet I'll send 
 ye flying off" that board." 
 
 The warning was unheeded. Tiger redoubled his pigmy efforts, 
 and hammered away like a Briton that he was in embryo. 
 
 " Very good !" added Mr Sloughman ; " then here goes," and 
 seizing both the assaulting legs in one hand he jerked them sud- 
 (il^ily from their loais standi, and flung the tiger scudding in the 
 air like an oyster-shell, and with little less ease than a buzzing fly 
 would be picked from out of his ear. " There you go," observed 
 Mr Sloashman, as his victim whirled between earth and sky; 
 adding, as he obeyed the laws of gravity by alighting on the flat 
 of his back across a scraper some thirty yards off", " I trust 
 slightly damaged." 
 
 It was as this grain of time sunk on the shore of eternity that 
 the Marquis became acquainted with the stern reality of his 
 lamentable position. He was like one endeavouring to flee from 
 his own shadow, and as hopeless of success. However long the 
 race, however great the distance, no difference could be effected 
 in their relative places. 
 
 Through the gay throng, up this street, down that, now so 
 sharp round the corners that the peripatetic fruiterers screwed up 
 their faces as if their corns had been grazed, then for tlie Kast, 
 now for the West, did the Marquis spin in a chaos of uncertainty 
 and confusion. He knew not what to do, or what course to take. 
 For there, like a great wen or corneous excrescence, did the pro- 
 selyte of Moses — that over-grown bum — stick, careless of the 
 where he was taken, or llie when it might chance to happen. 
 Indeed, he was now quite at his ease, and portrayed the satis- 
 
 a
 
 82 d'horsay; or 
 
 faction he entertained by crossing his arms and sitting on the 
 foot-board like a gentleman in the enjoyment of his leisure. 
 
 " I must nab ye at last," soliloquized Mr Sloughman, *' so 
 drive to heaven if you're in the mind." 
 
 To greatly add to our hero's distress and anguish, and as if 
 some quick-moving telegraph was in full play, crowds of par- 
 ticular friends and acquaintances seemed to have a fore-knowledge 
 of what would occur, and the precise spots where the best view 
 could be obtained. For turn, twist, twine as he did, there was 
 always a somebody in the way who the Marquis religiously 
 wished had been blind, instead of a spectator. 
 
 'Tis invariably so. Our friends are ever in the way when 
 most especially desired to be out of it ; and, by the same rule of 
 contradiction, are never to be found when as particularly required 
 to be in it. Should this maxim meet the eye of a gentleman 
 having been in want of bail, the reflection upon that event will 
 prove a singularly concise and conclusive demonstration of it. 
 
 " Despei-ate diseases demand desperate remedies," said the 
 Marquis in confidence to himself; and — after a pause to measure 
 the distance between two carriages and a wheelbarrow, in order to 
 avoid a stoppage in transitu — he added, like one resolved, " I 
 must amputate this bum." 
 
 It was a bold design, and one worthy of a hero. Scarcely was 
 the thought engendered before it was reduced to practice. At 
 some short distance the Marquis espied a stubborn, surly-looking 
 post, smoked and rusted in the wear and tear of many a winter. 
 Generations had played leap-frog over that old post, and yet 
 there he stood, in open defiance of rub and friction of every kind. 
 Did he shiver or shake when coal-waggons and brewers'-drays 
 disputed his right of tenure ? Not he. The grim old fellow 
 disdained their impotent attacks, and as for vehicles of a lighter 
 kind, he cracked them as '' a monkey would a fan, or any other 
 gentleman." 
 
 And so the Marquis correctly imagined. With a nice eye, 
 alive to every proffered advantage, he guided his horse towards 
 this sturdy defier of rubs, and with the same cautious, steady 
 look that a player at billiards bestows when about making a 
 stroke of importance, or a rifleman when he levels his piece, took 
 aim at the post with the centre of the Avheel. Like certain late 
 speculations in the linendrapery trade, the crash was awful.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 
 
 83 
 
 For a moment — for one brief second — the Marquis was in doubt 
 whether a greater injury had not been effected than he for the 
 none0 contemplated or desired. The staggered horse fell upon 
 his haunches; then scrambling forwards, with uncertain foot- 
 hold, pitched upon his head. That was a bold effort. Up, up. 
 Now once more, and there he is spanking away as if neither his 
 knees were broken or the wheel and axle sadly damaged. 
 
 And where was Mr Sloughman all this while? We have, 
 indeed, lost sight of him, and well we may, since he flew from 
 his seat with the velocity of a whistling bullet, and, after per- 
 forming sundry evolutions and summersets that might have put 
 many a harlequin to the blush, became completely lost to view in 
 the yawning abyss of a neighbouring area. The Marquis caught 
 a glimpse of the extreme end of the skirt 'of his coat in his 
 descent, and then, these last remains fading from his view, a 
 glow of triumph spread itself upon the handsome face of our 
 hero as he directed his horse in security towards Kensington. 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 " And so they say that I must die, and that, too, quickly," 
 observed one who we have had a glimpse of befoi-e, and but a 
 glimpse — the Marquis of Hereford. Poor old man! What, pity 
 him ! the debauched sensualist, the heartless voice, the gamester — 
 he who never evinced a latent spark of virtue among his glaring 
 vices, revelling in crime even in his impotent age and dotage — 
 what, pity him ! Ay, we will pity him, gentle reader, for he is 
 dead. 
 
 " And so they say that I must die, and that, too, quickly," 
 repeated he. " Well, well! then I'll make the best use of the 
 time left." 
 
 Although it was the middle of summer, the Marquis was 
 reclining on a sofa drawn before a large fire, and his legs were 
 wrapped in blankets and shawls, and, but that he rolled his 
 watery eyes round the walls of the luxuriously-furnished apart- 
 ment as if in restless, nervous thought, and dropped a few words 
 occasionally, he might be taken for an Egyptian mummy, or 
 something that had been long since buried from mortnl eyes. 
 With barely sufficient flesh to cover his sharp, protruding bones,
 
 84 d'hoksay; or, 
 
 and that so yellow and dry that not a drop of blood seemed to be 
 circulating in liis veins, he looked as if the current of his life 
 was spent. Old, decrepit, worn to the dregs, diseased, and yet 
 vicious ! Such was the Marquis of Hereford when told that he 
 was within the last coil of his mortal span. 
 
 His strength was barely sufficient to stretch forth a hand to 
 reach a bell-rope, not six inches from his fingers, and yet the 
 summons was for — but that shall speak for itself. 
 
 *' Swiss," said his lordship, as his valet and confidant of all 
 his bosom secrets entered the room, " they have just told me that 
 I must soon die." 
 
 The valet — a showily-dressed man, with features bearing a 
 striking resemblance to those of a fox — feigned, in a truly natural 
 manner, a start of horror and astonishment. For a short time 
 he was silent in the endeavour to rummage his brain for a pious 
 exclamation ; but not finding one with the readiness that the 
 occasion demanded, he abandoned the attempt, and, with a c\a^v> 
 of the hands, which produced a highly dramatic effect, exclaimed, 
 " Oh, say not so, my lord." 
 
 " I feel the words are true," rejoined his master, "and there- 
 fore will say so." 
 
 "What can — what shall I do!" ejaculated the valet, with 
 well-assumed agony and devotion. 
 
 " Prepare one more of those feasts," replied his lordship, in a 
 whisper, " that I love so well. And as it is probable 1 shall 
 never have another, let your cunning thought devise the choicest 
 plans to suit my taste." 
 
 " I will, my lord," replied the faithful servant, trying to rai?e 
 a tear; but either the pump was dry or frozen, for nothing like 
 one could be drawn from the spring. " I will, my lord," 
 repeated he. " Shall Matilde, Henriette, Madeline, Marguerite, 
 or Clementine, be the fortunate and flattered object of your 
 lordship's adoration?" 
 
 " Matilde and Madeline are the two wildest," replied his 
 master, feebly chafing his withered hands and chuckling witli 
 glee. " We'll have both of them, Swiss; we'll have both of them." 
 
 " Yes, my lord," rejoined the valet. *' And where will your 
 lordship have the preparations made?" 
 
 " I care not where," returned the Marquis, " only let them be 
 made quickly."
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAT. 83 
 
 " To-day, if it suits your lordship." 
 
 " A'Ji let them be to-day, Swiss ; for I fear my morrows are 
 Tery few." 
 
 " I'll hasten and obey your lordship's desires at once," added 
 the complying panderer, hurrying from the presence of his 
 employer. 
 
 To the letter was the promise kept. In a short hour a carriage 
 was rolling on the high road to Richmond, containing two 
 splendidly, although perhaps over-dressed French women, the 
 Marqui^,-and his valet. As if the exertion of this easy travelling 
 was even more than his attenuated frame could bear, the Marquis 
 dropped his chin upon his breast, and with closed eyes and com- 
 pressed lips lolled silently in a corner of the carriage, despite the 
 raillery and wit of his companions. 
 
 " He vill come to hisself in ver leetle time," remarked one of 
 the fair and frail. 
 
 " Yes, yes," returned the other, stooping forward and imprint- 
 ing a salute upon tlie cheek of the Marquis ; but as she did so 
 there was au expression upon her lip as though it had come in 
 contact with something putrid. 
 
 *' Let his lordship remain quiet and undisturbed," remarked 
 the valet. " His streno;th will soon be recruited." 
 
 " I cannot permcet him to be so quiet," returned the first 
 speaker. *' He should be gay with us." 
 
 " And he vill be so," added the other, " or he is not the 
 gallant that I believe." 
 
 " Be patient, Madeline," observed the Marquis, faintly. " I 
 shall be better presently." 
 
 " We arc within a short distance of the hotel now, my lord,'* 
 said the valet. 
 
 "That's well," returned his lordship, feebly; ''for I'm in 
 much pain." 
 
 " Speak not of pain, mi lor,'' added Madeline, gaily. " We 
 have come for pleasure." 
 
 " True enough, true enough," replied the Marquis, with au 
 effort, " and we'll not be disappointed in meeting with her." 
 
 " I've done my best to guard against disappointment, my 
 lord," rejoined the attendant, " and trust my poor efforts will 
 meet with approbation." 
 
 " No doubt they will, Swiss ; no doubt they will," returned
 
 86 
 
 D HORSAY ; OR, 
 
 his master. " I have ever reason to be satisfied with your 
 services and arrangements for my gratification." 
 
 At this moment the carriage stopped at the entrance of the 
 Tower hotel in the far-famed town of Richmond. With some 
 difficulty the Marquis was lifted from his seat and carried by his 
 valet into the apartment prepared for his reception, followed by 
 Matilde and Madeline, and a throng of bowing, adulating 
 waiters. 
 
 The sun had not set yet, and although he was casting his 
 longest shadows upon the ground and tipping the tree-top with 
 his sinking rays, still there was no shade of evening darkening 
 the landscape, neither did the mist rise curling from the stream. 
 Then why was the cheerful light of day so carefully excluded 
 from that room ? Why were the thick hangings drawn before 
 the casements, so that not a ray might steal through crack or 
 crevice to mock the consumptive glare of flaming lamps? It 
 was well that the arrangement was so complete; for the babbling 
 day is no witness for such a scene as was to be enacted there. 
 
 Appetite he had none. Satiated and sick, the Marquis saw the 
 most costly viands spread before him, and yet cared to touch 
 none of them. But he could drink, and drink deeply, too. 
 Often did he raise his brimming glass with trembling fingers to 
 his lips, and, nodding like one palsied to his lady friends, pledge 
 them in oft-repeated draughts until his dull, fishy, and bleared 
 eyes sparkled again. His attendant, Swiss, stood behind his 
 chair, and, as soon as his glass was drained, replenished it with 
 a ready hand. Renewed vigour and fresh life seemed to take 
 possession of the Marquis, and instead of the exhaustion and 
 inanition with which he appeared to be suffering heretofore, he 
 w as now full of mirth, and joined in the jest and the laugh with 
 a spirit that could scarcely be imagined possible to be kindled 
 within him. However, wine and women still retained their 
 charms with the Marquis, and although his taste had been cloyed 
 long since by every other kind of pleasure, these, as yet, had not 
 failed to fan the smouldering embers of his passions. 
 
 " All is as I could wish," said his lordship, looking at his 
 companions with the eye of one accustomed to gloat upon beauty 
 as a mere incentive to desire. " I love such hours as these, eh, 
 Swiss?" 
 
 " It's a joy to me, my lord, to hear such "
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE BAY. 87 
 
 " Faugh, faugh ! " interrupted his master. " No flattery, no 
 flattery." 
 
 " If we spoke de truth," observed Madeline, " you might tink 
 dat we flatter." 
 
 " It would depend upon the object to be attained by the state- 
 ment, my love," replied the Marquis. " A compliment is next 
 to worthless unless it bears a semblance of truth, and truth is 
 often the greatest of flatterers." 
 
 *' It does sound like music to hear him speak," said Matilde, 
 raising her glass and peeping at the valet with a gesture which 
 showed the perfect understanding existing between them. 
 
 Swiss returned the telegraphic communication by screwing up 
 his lips and winking his left eye. 
 
 The evening advanced, and as it did so the mirth of the party 
 increased. The joke, the jest, the ribald song now became more 
 loud and unrestrained, and, as if watching for the ripeness of 
 the wild debauch, the valet — after spreading about twenty 
 -yards of black satin on the floor before the fire — now quitted 
 the room. 
 
 It must have been a fertile brain to have conceived such a 
 ground — in a limner's phraseology — for the tableaux vivant about 
 to be displayed therein. And although peach-cheeked, blushing 
 Modesty may turn from the picture ; still, as the pencil of Truth 
 sketched it, we will draw the curtain and let those look whose 
 blood is not so easily mounted. 
 
 Their parts had been rehearsed, or the imaginations of the fair 
 companions of the Marquis were more than ordinarily prolific. 
 For no sooner were they left by Swiss than they quickly reduced 
 the number of their garments to that worn by Eve when she first 
 studied her natural charms in the reflected surface of the brook. 
 Placing themselves in reclining postures upon the satin, which 
 gave the same advantages to their beauty that a strong and 
 favourable light does to a picture, they offered a sight so tempting 
 to that grey-haired sensualist that he sat with greedy, gloating 
 eyes, and seemed incapable of withdrawing his fixed and fascinated 
 gaze. 
 
 " This is as it should be," he said. " I always loved beauty 
 undecorated. Nature, nature — stripped and perfect nature. Ha, 
 ha," and then, as if exhausted with excitement, he sunk back into 
 his seat, and his features became black and convulsed.
 
 88 
 
 diiorsay; or, 
 
 " MuiiDieu r^ exclaimed Matilde, springing from the ground. 
 *' 3Ii lor is dying !" 
 
 Scarcely were the words uttered when the valet, who, until 
 now, had occupied the post of sentry at the door, rushed into the 
 room, regardless of the condition of the ladies, and hastened to 
 the assistance of his master. In an instant he forced some brandy 
 between his clenched teeth, and bathed his temples with the 
 spirit, knowing by past experience the remedies to be applied. 
 
 " Mon Dku, Mon Dieu ! " ejaculated Madeline, throwing a 
 shawl over her shoulders. " If he die, what shall we do, Sweesse? 
 We shall be call over de coals when de people sit upon him. 
 3Iafoir 
 
 " Hush, hush ! " returned the valet. " It is but a fainting 
 fit." 
 
 The Marquis gave one or two deep-fetched sighs, and slightly- 
 raising his eyelids, said, " Home." 
 
 " Immediately, my lord," replied the valet ; and then turning 
 to the ladies he directed them to make their toilets with all dis- 
 patch, adding, that " it was worse than he expected." , 
 
 In a few minutes the Marquis was carried in an almost uncon- 
 scious state to his carriage, and in a few days that carriage fol- 
 lowed him to his grave. 
 
 Such was the closing scene in the life of the greatest debauchee 
 the world has ever seen — the Marquis of Hereford. 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 The moon's silver beams lipped wall and roof, and the cats were 
 taking advantage of the stilly night to render their exchange of 
 love, productive of many a muttered malediction from disturbed 
 suitors to " the honey, heavy dew of slumber." Collectively to the 
 devil were the amorous grimalkins consigned ; and if wishes had 
 had the power of realizing the desires so generally entertained, 
 the fruitful colonies of rats and mice would, long ere this, like 
 the Repealers of Ireland, have shaken off the laws of restraint, 
 held public meetings, and, in like manner, squeaked for licence 
 and for liberty. But the fates have decreed otherwise. 'Tis not 
 for mortals or for mice to command success, let them be never so 
 worthy of deserving it.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 89 
 
 At this hour, then, -when things of the night were awake — and 
 not sHfew a great deal more so than was desirable for creatures of 
 the day — when loyal and well-aftected subjects were deeply buried 
 in linen and calico sheets and blankets — when the cider cellars 
 were echoing with toast, sentiment, and song — when Evans's con- 
 vivial meeting was thronged with unfledged, embryo members of 
 the bar and medical students walking the hospitals and billiard- 
 rooms ; their choice resting with the latter to a considerable 
 degree — when the Garrick's Head v.as crammed to repletion with 
 an admiring audience, assembled to hear those mirth-inspiring 
 trials by judge and jury — when the Polish refugees were throng- 
 ing " the rag and smash," or some such distinguished pande- 
 monium, to stake their pence, to lose, and starve — when — in 
 short, wlien 
 
 Just tlie hour 
 
 That flashmen, like the midnight flower, 
 
 Scorn the ogle of scaly light. 
 
 And get up a row to have a tight 
 
 "With tiats to drop their tin. 
 
 In tliat celebrated neighbourhood, St Giles's, there is a select 
 spot known by the name of " tlie Rookery." Its architecture is 
 not imposing to the visitor at first sight, and may be defined as 
 coming under the irregular ordci'. From the extensive dilapida- 
 tions caused by the ravages of the seasons, and more especially 
 by the return of the anniversary of Donnybrook fair — when tlie 
 inhabitants enjoy the innocent recreation of pelting each other's 
 windows whh bricks and bats, and producing a faithful repre- 
 sentation of a distant scene by fracturing the heads of their bosom 
 fi'icnds with what are technically called " sprigs of sliillalch" — 
 few, very few of the buildings are exempt from a free circulation 
 of ai)-, and especially exposed to the changes of the weather j 
 still, there is anything but a lack of tenants or occupiers. Indeed, 
 from the cellars to the garrets numerous families may be found 
 appropriating a corner in each apartment to their respective 
 household gods, and not a few study their interest rather than 
 their convenience by taking in lodgers. The Rookery is, there- 
 fore, extremely jjopulous ; and, beneath the moon, there is not a 
 place wherein the modes of obtaining a livelihood vary to such 
 an extent within similar limits. To enumerate them would 
 occupy greater space in these pages than Me can afJord j but it
 
 90 d'horsay ; or 
 
 may be mentioned here, that the majority by far of the inhabitants 
 would find it an insuperable difficulty, an insoluble problem, to 
 explain the "how" and the ** wherefrom" their incomes are 
 derived. 
 
 The entrance to this retreat for individuals of diversified and 
 unapparent means is through a complication of posts, apparently 
 erected for the express purpose of puzzling a person's ingress and 
 egress. After threading this maze, the way is easy enough, as it 
 is next to impossible to make a wrong turn, there being none to 
 take. A narrow court — through which a patent street-sweeping 
 machine never passed, and redolent with the fragrance of stale 
 cabbage-leaves, orange-peel, oyster-shells, fish-bones, and other 
 scraps of dainties sunk and sodden in the stagnant kennel — 
 straight and long, and flanked by two rows of crazy tenements, 
 form the exterior of this celebrated locale, the Rookery. Among 
 these tottering, neither-wind-nor-weather-proof erections, how- 
 ever, there is, one lofty, imposing building, and that is — a gin 
 shop. There is no crumbling rottenness about this gin shop. 
 Oh, no ! its walls are thick, and its towering roof rears itself 
 proudly above the rickety ruins beneath, as if conscious of its 
 own superiority. Large lamps throw their flaring light around, 
 and invite the dram-drinking denizens with irresistible fascina- 
 tion. The presiding deity over this lordly pile is a member of the 
 human family, either rejoicing in, or suffering under, the name of 
 Joe Banks. And Joe Banks, we beg to inform our readers, is 
 no common order of vegetable. To use his own graphic descrip- 
 tion, " I'm up to the mark — trained as fine as a needle ; not too 
 fine, but up to the point. Yes, yes ; Joe Banks is what may be 
 called a prize beast." This he has frequently thought, and as 
 frequently said — we will leave it for others to decide whether he 
 be worthy of the self-bestowed eulogism. 
 
 In a confined slip of a room behind the bar, commanding a 
 view of the throng continually coming and going, sat Mr Joseph 
 Banks, smoking a cigar with an infinite quantity of complacency 
 in his demeanour. His chubby face-^ — which had been intended 
 for a healthful expression — bore somewhat of an ashy hue ; but it 
 was one that led an observer to conclude that the colour had 
 an origin other than from the heart-ache or grievous mental 
 endurance. Slightly pressed upon his brow was a very knowing 
 gossamer, and being stuck considerably on one side, it gave him
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 91 
 
 a swaggering, rakish appearance. His costume was a decided 
 improvement upon that of a cad to an omnibus, although it 
 savoured strongly of an association thereto, and although his 
 general appearance would not have conferred honour upon the 
 church, had he been a clergyman, yet we have seen men, and 
 many of them, with worse exteriors and better callings. 
 
 Upon the portrait of a prize-fighter, immediately before him, 
 the eye of Joe Banks rested. We say " eye," because from one 
 organ of .vision he seemed to concentrate his sight, and peep out 
 of it in a veiy narrow focus from a confined and extreme corner. 
 Contemplation is a refined and pleasurable pastime, and Mr Banks 
 at this moment was indulging in it. He was thinking of the 
 immense advantages to be derived from " a cross at a mill," and 
 such-like pastimes, where matters can be so admirably arranged. 
 His thoughts were also mingled Avith the direful inroads upon his 
 trade by father Mathew and the teetotal societies, and he reflected 
 upon the benefit of bribing the whole of the temperance world, 
 anil getting them to take their " regulars" Avith the licensed vic- 
 tuallers. After Avhat may be called chewing this speculation 
 very small and finding it indigestible, Joe Banks heaved a deep 
 sigh and a thick puff" of tobacco smoke from his lips at one and 
 the same time. Then regaining his composure, he stretched his 
 legs and, without any perceptible emotion, looked rather sleepily 
 at the commencement of a quarrel between tAvo of the fair sex 
 endeavouring to seek obliviousness from all earthly cares in 
 quarterns of Booth's cordial. The spirit of oblivion, however, 
 seemed to operate with no soothing influence. Language of the 
 most rare description — so rare, indeed, that in no dictionary 
 extant can such be found — Avas bandied by the disputants, and 
 this valve to their pent passions proving insuflicient for the 
 escape, they closed Avith each other like two angry bears, or Lords 
 Brougham and Campbell, and made the welkin ring with their 
 hearty thAvacks. Now came the tug. In each other's arms they 
 fastened a deadly gripe. Hair, cap, ribbon, and robe were soon 
 torn and split from their fair proportions, and the ground si)read 
 with the ravages of the fray. But an Irish squabble is seldom 
 permitted to be enjoyed by the original proprietors of it without 
 the interference of the envious lookers-on. Quick as electricity 
 the [thirst for war spread through the assembled group of 
 spectators. Some advocated one side, some the other, and by no
 
 92 d'housav; or, 
 
 means a few made a promiscuous partisanship of it ; at one 
 moment rendering assistance to Mary, and then veering ii to 
 Nora. If inconsistency marked this proceeding, still it kept the 
 interest alive ; for whenever there appeared to be a chance of a 
 decisive victory, the forces rallied on the side of the discomfited, 
 and thus the fight was prolonged. 
 
 " Drap me as ye would a hot tater," cried Mary, planting her 
 nails deeply into the windpipe of her enemy. 
 
 " Out wid ye ! " responded Nora, disengaging her fingers from 
 a lump of hair, and diving them once more among the dishevelled 
 locks of her opponent for a second edition. 
 
 " Come, come, ladies," said Joe Banks, rising lazily from liis 
 chair and advancing towards the scene of contest. " Come, 
 come, ladies," repeated he, " we've had enough of this di- 
 version." 
 
 The row, however, continued, in spite of this expostulation. 
 
 " Blister your tongues !" hallooed Joe Banks, suddenly chang- 
 ing his demeanour from calm to stormy. " Blister your tongues ! 
 do you hear what I say?" 
 
 If they did, no lieed was taken. The din continued in its 
 pristine state, and the strife unabated. 
 
 " Very good," remarked Joe Banks, coolly turning up the 
 cuffs of his coat, " then I must make one among ye." 
 
 Without further observation he rushed into the middle of the 
 belligerents, and seizing Nora by the nape of the neck, jerked her 
 adroitly from her enemy's inimical embrace. 
 
 " Make way there," cried the clutcher of the ungentle Nora, 
 clearing his path by a most expeditious mode towards the door — 
 that of knocking down everybody in it. '' Make way there." 
 
 Fully cognizant, from precedents, that her ejectment would be 
 a summary process in the teeth of any exertion or persuasion that 
 she might exercise to prevent it, Nora quietly and in silence 
 submitted to the ordeal. 
 
 " Now then," said Mr Banks, airiving within a square yard 
 of the closed, but swinging doors of his mansion, and swaying 
 his burtlien to and fro to obtain an impetus. " Now, then, out 
 you go ;" and, suiting the action to the word, he sent the 
 pugilistic Nora against the doors, after the fashion that a harlequin 
 may be seen to fly through a trap, and, with the same speed and 
 dexterity, away she went, and as suddenly became lost to view.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 93 
 
 " There," remarked Joe Banks, as the doors returned back on 
 their, Jiinges ; " that's the M'ay I'll serve all you ladies if ye don't 
 keep your bunches of five's quiet Avhen I tell ye. I'm cock bird 
 here, remember." 
 
 Something akin to stillness reigned upon this proceeding and 
 plain notification of ulterior measures ; but it seemed, for the 
 nonce, doubtful Avhether it would be of long duration. For, to 
 apply a homely phrase, Nora no sooner picked up her crumbs, 
 which she did without let or pause, than she returned to the spot 
 of her ^recent defeat. 
 
 " Misther Banks," said she, sidling up to the landlord, and at 
 the same time using the back of her hands in a primitive way in 
 lieu of a handkerchief " Misther Banks," she repeated in a 
 subdued tone of admiration, while she shook back her thick and 
 combined locks from off her scratched, gashed, and bleeding face, 
 what a playful rogue you are, Misther Banks." 
 
 Perhaps Mr Banks was ; but if so, his looks belied him. 
 . Order being restored, the belligerents offered the olive branch 
 to each other with the same readiness that hostilities had been 
 declared, and the glass of friendship went round with renewed 
 sincerity — a sincerity as lasting as butter on a red-hot gridiron. 
 
 In so humble and lowly a spot as the Rookery, fraught with 
 plebeian blood, it would scarcely be credited, were not our 
 chronicler the amanuensis of truth, that the high born should 
 sometimes visit it for noble and ignoble purposes — some for study, 
 and some for sport. 
 
 " Ha, ha, ha." 
 
 That laugh made the blood of Joe Banks tingle through each 
 nerve and intricacy of his frame. It almost startled him from liis 
 propriety ; but quickly recovering his serenity and composure of 
 carriage, lie contrived to receive the Marquis of Riverford and 
 his satellite, the Earl of Raspberry Hill, with becoming von- 
 chalance. A few of the small fry, permitted to follow in their 
 wake, also entered, and soon afterwards — but not an offshoot of 
 that " right merrie companie" — a man followed wrapped in a 
 capacious Spanish cloak, and his features hidden by a slouched 
 hat which was pressed far down over his brow. 
 
 " Well, Joe!" exclaimed the Marquis of Riverford, vaulting- 
 over the bar and entering " the crib" for the select few in the rear, 
 *' here we are — what's the odds we don't astonish the natives?"
 
 94 b'horsay ; or, 
 
 " A gale o' wind to a ," Mr Banks emitted a very small 
 
 volume of smoke as an illustrative conclusion to the sentence^ 
 " that you do, my lord," continued he. 
 
 " I'd stand upon my head until T looked foolish, rather than 
 not produce an effect," remarked Betsy, in a languishing voice, 
 as if he had been refreshing himself upon milk and water or very 
 weak lemonade. 
 
 " Egad ! " exclaimed his noble friend, winking familiarly at 
 Mr Banks, *' if you, Raspberry Hill, began to cut out white, what 
 could we hope to find in the main of jolly cocks?" 
 
 " Am I a jolly cock?" inquired Betsy, in the mild coo of a 
 ring-dove. 
 
 " A jolly cock ! " reiterated the Marquis of Riverford, bringing 
 his clenched fist upon the table with such force that a half- 
 finished glass of brandy and water hopped into the lap of Joe 
 Banks. " If you're not a jolly cock, Betsy, where, I should 
 like to know, are we to find a male Bantam?" 
 
 "That's right enough," echoed the landlord; "that's right 
 enough, my lord." 
 
 " Have you a couple of pounds in silver, Joe?" drawled the 
 flattered object of their praise. 
 
 " Yes," replied Mr Banks, producing the required coin and 
 receiving the gold in exchange from the hand of his noble 
 customer. 
 
 " What, are you going to have a scramble?" inqjuired the 
 Marquis of Riverford. 
 
 " Yes," returned his companion, directing the landlord to put 
 the silver in a shovel, and place it on the fire until every sixpence 
 was red-hot. 
 
 Upon the fulfilment of this mandate, his lordship took the 
 heated coin into the outer room, and addressed the admiring throng 
 with the following neat and pithy speech. 
 
 " Now, you set of beggars" — the Implication was more apt 
 than intended — " now, you set of beggars," repeated he, " keep 
 your daylights open and your potato-traps shut. Here's a few 
 here who have burnt their fingers in getting money by more ways 
 than one, and although some of ye may blister 'em in picking up 
 this, yet the choice is entirely with yourselves whether the risk is 
 worth running or not." 
 
 " Arrah, honey ! " exclaimed a feminine voice. " Toss the
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 95 
 
 kine to us, and we'll show ye the vally we set on our fingers. 
 Badiuck to 'em, but they'll stand a scorch." 
 
 In the middle of the expectant crowd the money was thrown, 
 and then ensued a scene which baffles our poor powers of de- 
 scription. A pyramid of bodies in every imaginable attitude and 
 form was piled upon the floor as if by magic. Yells, shouts, 
 screams, and screeches rent the air, and not a few groans and 
 curses were issued from the smothered and suffering base. In 
 one thick heap, men, women, and even children sprawled with 
 the comimon desire of each getting all that he could, in the eager 
 contest, for himself Despite the pains and penalties — despite the 
 bruises, knocks, thumps, and squeezes — despite the scratches, 
 kicks, blows, and crushing — despite the hot, hissing, scorching 
 money when grasped, making the holders of it twist their faces 
 like a monkey with his tail in a vice — despite all this, and more, 
 the scramble was continued with unabated fervour until the last 
 shilling was snatched from the ground. 
 
 - With a roar of laughter the Marquis of Riverford, his com- 
 panion, and Joe Banks witnessed the fun, and when it was 
 brought to a finish they still had good cause for enjoyment to 
 the peculiar tendency of their natures, in seeing the bodies 
 unpack themselves from their intricacies and exhibit the woful 
 damages to their gear and general exterior. There is an end, 
 however, to all things, and the scramble and its effects — save the 
 spending jjie substance, to Mr Banks's gain and profit, lasted a 
 consideraT)le period — became no longer a subject of interest or 
 amusement to the Noble projectors. 
 
 ** Who is that ? " Inquired the Marquis of Riverford, directing 
 Joe Banks's attention to the stranger in the Spanish cloak and 
 slouched hat, who during the m^Iee had observed a total indif- 
 ference and silence. Indeed, he appeared to be either asleep or 
 unconscious of the proceedings ; for there he stood, leaning against 
 the wall, with his chin buried in his breast, and neither by sound 
 or gesture evinced a symptom of knowledge or interest in that 
 which could scarcely have failed to have fanned a spark of atten- 
 tion in the dead. 
 
 " He's a wonder," replied Joe Banks, " a rcg'lar out-an'-out 
 wonder," continued he. "For I can't make him out, and he 
 must be a carpenter of no common powers to use a chisel when 
 I can't take his edge off,"
 
 96 d'horsay; or, 
 
 " What name does he hail by ?" inquired the Marquis. 
 
 "I call him Stunnin' Mystery," returned Mr Banks, lighting 
 a fresh cigar and regarding his lordship Avith a look which an- 
 nounced that he considered himself delivered of a very sage 
 reply. 
 
 " What does he come here for ? " asked Betsy. 
 
 "Ay," rejoined Joe knowingly, " that's what I want to know. 
 But bless'd if I can diskiver ! " 
 
 " Doesn't he drink ? " 
 
 "No." 
 
 « Smoke ? " 
 
 *' No." 
 
 " Speak ? " 
 
 " No." 
 
 <' Why he's a conumdrum personified!" exclaimed the Mar- 
 quis. 
 
 " A real out-an'-out riddle," returned Mr Banks. " One," 
 continued he, " that 'd puzzle the pimple of a slap-up scholar." 
 
 *' How long has he been in the habit of coming here ?" inquired 
 the Earl of Raspberry Hill. " I never saw him before." 
 
 " About a week," replied the landlord. 
 
 <' Haven't you asked him who he is, or what he comes for?" 
 said the Marquis. 
 
 " No," rejoined Joe Banks. " Nobody's taken no notice of 
 liim, and he has taken no notice of nobody." 
 
 "By G — d !" exclaimed the Marquis of Riverford, " I'll squeeze 
 a confession out of him if I have to sit upon his features. Here, 
 you sir," continued he, addressing the incomprehensible stranger, 
 " come here and explain yourself." 
 
 Still, however, in the same listless posture the man stood lean- 
 insT affainst the wall. 
 
 " I can't put up with this any longer," observed the Marquis, 
 going towards the mysterious individual, and in somewhat an 
 abrupt way divesting him of his concealing beaver. 
 
 The Marquis started, and well he might, at that which met his 
 view. 
 
 Reader, doubt not — question not the veracity of the declaration, 
 when 'tis said the shadowy ghost of an Emperor was there, and 
 upon this hangs a tale.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 97 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 The days are gone when it was the wont of spirits, and things 
 through which the pale moonbeams streak unimpeded, to answer 
 to the call of the witch and the wizard, and quit the vasty depths 
 and realms of sooty sin. Still " the earth hath bubbles," and the 
 wayfarer, let him be as careless an observer of the world's surface 
 as the blind, blundering mole, cannot but see apparitions of 
 strange "events and phantoms of passing wonders sufficient to 
 convince the most sceptical that the age we live in is not devoid 
 of the influence of astrological circles, the conjuror's art, miracle, 
 and mystery. 
 
 Effects are so often the reflections of such secret and hidden 
 causes, that to^ attempt to dive beneath the surface and peep at 
 their source and spring, is a futile expenditure of exertion and 
 labour. As well might we try to gimble a hole to the globe's 
 c^tre, and have a spy at its axle. However, as far as within the 
 compass of our abilities to lay bare the machinery working the 
 woof of the adventures, and pulling the strings of our puppets on 
 the stage, we will to the work with a will, and make them dance 
 a jig to as merry a tune as was ever scraped on catgut. 
 
 Within this world — this sublunary atom — there are many 
 worlds. There is the fashionable world, the sporting world, the 
 literary world, the play world, the mercantile world, and heaven 
 knows how many minor satellites besides ! And each is so 
 occupied with the space allotted for its own particular evolutions, 
 that next to nothing is known or cared for concerning its jostling 
 neighbour. Now the Emperor was a man well known, and 
 known only to the world of play. Worshipping the goddess of 
 fickle chance, he sued for her favours in every form proffbred for 
 the infatuated devotee. When but a stripling he commenced his 
 adulation, and from sunset to sunrise continued to yield to the 
 object of his passion. There was not a table in Europe where 
 the " punter " might risk his substance, from an unlimited amount 
 to the confined stake of a single penny, but that he visited and 
 patronized with a willing hand and decreasing wealth. Ex- 
 perience taught him nothing. It was in vain that he was told 
 the dice were loaded, so that the main he was in the constant 
 habit of calling, like the majority of gamesters, could not be 
 
 II
 
 98 d'horsay ; or, 
 
 thrown. It was in vain that he was told the roulette tahle was 
 cogged and blocked, so that the ball could not enter one-third of 
 the divisions. It was in vain that he was told that at roxige et noir 
 the dealer palmed the cai'ds, and made either colour win that 
 suited the interest of the bank. It was in vain that he was told, 
 when backing a seeming stranger's hand, that he was a *' bonnet," 
 and mere decoy to lead him into the mesh. In short, the artifices 
 used in every game that is "played to render it so far from being 
 one of chance, that it is a positive certainty against the "punter," 
 he believed to be the mere effects of a run of ill luck, and that in 
 the end turn it must. With this opinion, which became more 
 stubborn in its growth, he continued to feed the appetites of those 
 who were already whetted for his ruin. The Emperor — such 
 was the title awarded to him by the harpies of pandemonium — 
 essayed to make no let or stop in his career. From youth to 
 manhood, from manhood to age, he still maintained the same 
 course ; and when silvered with the fall and decline of life, he 
 found himself beggared and friendless. Where he once had been 
 a welcome visitor he now was denied even admittance. Those 
 who were most profuse in their professions of regard and esteem, 
 and who were ever ready to turn the approving look and smiling 
 lip, found, when the old man's gold was gone, a sudden lapse in 
 their memories ; and they ceased to think of one no longer either 
 to them valuable or useful. Such was the condition of this king 
 of gamesters, and such is the condition of ninety-nine out of every 
 hundred. Penniless, old, and friendless, the Emperor became, 
 indeed, but a ghost of what he was. Decrepit and infirm, 
 attenuated and forlorn, he wandered, like some restless sprite, to 
 such scenes of his former days of prosperity as were still unclosed 
 to his admission. Here he would falteringly beg for a trifling 
 loan from some acquaintance, and barely allowing himself the 
 necessary to allay his craving hunger, hurry again to stake his 
 mite, and throw even this into the yawning jaws of the wolf of 
 ruin. But these precarious resources at length failed to pander 
 to his still yearning taste for play. Those who reluctantly 
 yielded to his petition, now peremptorily refused to accede to it 3 
 and gaunt poverty, in the hideous garb of absolute starvation, 
 tracked his heels in his unceasing restless wanderings, for he 
 never seemed to stop in his quick shuffling gait. At all hours 
 of the day and the night he might be seen, at various dark and
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAT. 99 
 
 misty spots of the west end, muffled in a capacious ragged cloak 
 and alouched hat, and hurrying forwards, as if with no other 
 object than to obey the oft-repeated order of some hoarse-throated 
 policeman *' to move on." So singularly rapid, were the Em- 
 peror's movements, that he appeared to possess the powers of 
 ubiquity. One saw him here, another there ; and yet the time 
 was the self-same minute, although the distances were wide and 
 far. ' At length the Emperor became a mysterious being. Like 
 a shadow upon a wall, no one knew from whence he came or 
 whither lie went. When least expected there he was ; when 
 most expected to be present, for neither window nor door, nor 
 crevice, nor chink, offered an outlet or escape for that noiseless 
 vanishing and melting imperceptibly from vision — he was gone. 
 Men started at hearing their names whispered by that low, 
 hissing voice, and when they turned to face the speaker, all that 
 met their view was the rent and torn end of the well-known cloak 
 as it flitted from view, either mid a crowding throng or round 
 Bopie sharp and abrupt corner of the street. The Emperor was 
 a dreaded object. When the revel mounted to its loudest pitch, 
 like the ghost of Banquo, he glided in, and occupied a seat pre- 
 pared for a more welcome guest. There was a frosty chill, too, 
 about his presence which stilled the loud shout and roar of the 
 most hilarious. It was the popular and received belief that 
 whenever and wherever his thin, sharp-set, wrinkled features 
 became sensible to sight, that difficulties of a no ordinary kind 
 were within the range of the levelled rifle of Time. In various 
 shapes the missiles were hurled ; but to the mark they went with 
 unerring aim. Dealing, and pretending to deal, however, in no 
 wild conjuring of the brain, but in plain, real, unvarnished facts, 
 we will at once puff the foggy cloud from the footlights, and 
 exhibit the Emperor stripped of all false guise and meaning. 
 
 To live — yes, we all cling to life. There is not one so truly 
 wretched but still deems his life too valuable to part withal. The 
 insane suicide who snuffs the spark from the flickering, ill-con- 
 ditioned lamp of his existence, would shudder to yield himself to 
 die in the cool soberness of reflection. Wc can all do desperate 
 deeds in desperate moments ; but it does not follow that such 
 impulses should be deemed, cither for good or for evil, the fair 
 index of the inward spirit to action. Many a good man has been 
 compelled to lead a bad life, and although he never turns, like a
 
 100 d'horsay; or, 
 
 hare hard pressed, he may never have the opportunity. Virtue 
 is not so virtuous as it frequently appears to be ; neither is vice 
 so vicious. 
 
 To live — yes, the shadowy, spectral Emperor felt that he mvst 
 live. By hook or by crook nature required certain lodgments 
 and detainers, and in order to acquire these indispensable requi- 
 sites he embraced an opportunity — offered by some one of those 
 chances which men have thrust upon them as unexpectedly as 
 the schoolboy gaping in a hail storm swallowed a biffin — to serve 
 writs and declarations for Mr Shallow and such like ornaments, 
 corner-stones, and pillars of the law. No wonder, then, that the 
 Emperor was as much feared by trembling hide-and-seek debtors 
 as the Emperor of all the Russias is by the seedy Poles. At all 
 times and seasons he thrust his unwelcome presence among those 
 whose payments had been in the uncirculating medium of pro- 
 mises. When in the security of their snug retreats and by-spots 
 for fun and glee, they considered themselves as free from danger 
 of a process-server as if in enjoyment of the sanctuary of a 
 cathedral, in came the Emperor, and then the lamps — if they did not 
 burn blue as brimstone — turned ashy pale, and the welkin ceased 
 to echo with a roar. By Saint Paul, the Emperor proved a very 
 iceberg to the merry-making and the joys of those who live not 
 by the stiff-starched rules of save-pence, 
 
 Screwy, economic fools. 
 He knew full well the haunts, the holes and corners, where they 
 were to be found, and with the spirit of a ferret hunting fleeing 
 rats, he stole upon them unawares, and pounced upon them in the 
 very bowels of their supposed defences. Alive to every likely 
 covert for the holding of his prey, the Emperor beat from bush 
 to briar with an industry ever constant to its purpose. To the 
 sharp and greedy practitioner he soon became an invaluable 
 servant ; for let the bird be never so shy he was certain — 
 figuratively speaking — -to quickly drop salt upon his tail. As 
 if some supernatural agency assisted him in these undertakings, 
 he seemed to know the when and the where the design could be 
 accomplished with the greatest facility. Just at the most fitting 
 moment he would insert one of those crisp, unpleasant documents, 
 a copy of a writ, into the hand of a victim, and then melt from his 
 view without giving the faintest opportunity of meeting with the 
 muttered salute of a curse or a kick in return.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 101 
 
 Now, among the shyest birds that ever ducked from a missile 
 of thte law was, without an exception, the Marquis D'Horsay. 
 His maxim had long been *' catch me who can j" at the same time, 
 acting up to the patent-safety rule of " prevention being so 
 much better than cure," he afforded no facilities whatever of 
 being hobbled in the chase. At bay he kept the yelping pack, 
 and within the good, stout, brick walls of his covert he maintained 
 both a pleasant and a secure retreat from the dangers besetting him. 
 He now no longer ventured to frame himself, as it were, in his 
 cab, and exhibit his colours and attractions to the curious crowds, 
 except on that privileged day — when even the debtor is at liberty 
 to rest — the seventh of the week. Then, indeed, he issued forth, 
 decked as of old, and, like a bird free from the confines of his 
 cage, made the most of the brief hours of his freedom. 
 
 Every art, every manoeuvre within the subtle and almost inex- 
 haustible resources of those apt functionaries of the law who are 
 ever on the alert to deprive the subject of his liberty, let him be 
 n^ver so chary of the preservation of it, had been put in force to 
 trap our hero; but hitherto in vain. Mr Sloughman, truly, 
 arrived within a short journey of accomplishing this much-desired 
 end ; still he was frustrated, and now among the ranks of bums 
 there was a cloud which damped their hopes and mildewed their 
 energies. The Marquis was not to be grabbed, and they knew 
 it. With flagging spirits the attempts were renewed over and 
 over again. Bribes and offers of reward were extended liberally 
 to his menials for their traitorous assistance in obtaining the design, 
 but they had been too well selected, and knew their own interests 
 depended on no such frail and fleeting benefits. False messengers 
 in all garbs and disguises, upon all kinds of errands and excuses, 
 applied for admission and interviews. Even — yes, even the fair 
 sex were at last made not bearers of Love's despatches, but con- 
 veyancers of stern writs, notices of declarations, trials, and such 
 like means to the end and breaking up of a man of fashion. Still 
 the Marquis was proof against all these attacks, let them come in 
 what shape they would. At length the Emperor's sagacity 
 becoming notorious, he was applied to by Mr Shallow to render 
 his all-powerful assistance in rendering the Maripiis sensible to 
 tlie electrical influence of a strip of paper so frequently chilling 
 the blood and blanching the check of the most callous of heart 
 and iron of nerve.
 
 102 
 
 D horsay; or. 
 
 " How he manages to keep out of the way, God only knows," 
 exclaimed Mr Shallow, slapping his crossed dexter leg, as he 
 sat in his office one morning while the Emperor stood deferentially 
 by, smoothing his gossamer in a succession of rubs, and listening 
 to the ill-concealed vexation of the lawyer. " I say," repeated 
 Mr Shallow, giving vent to his spleen by pinching the calf of liis 
 own spindle, " how he keeps out of the way, God only knows ; 
 but he does it somehow or other. The sharpest chaps in London 
 have been set at him, and yet not one can manage to nail him. 
 Now, what do you think you can do ?" 
 
 " If he was anywhere but in heaven," replied the Emperor, "■ I 
 would get admittance to him." 
 
 "You need not have qualified your declaration with that if,' 
 rejoined Mr Shallow, jocularly. " He may, with many of the like 
 kidney," continued he, " be deemed of the earth so exceedingly 
 mouldy, that there is but little chance, at present at least, of his 
 becoming one of the celestial bodies." 
 
 "I'll undertake the business, sir," returned the Emperor, " and 
 you will find successfully." 
 
 " Very good," added Mr Shallow, regarding the ceiling im- 
 mediately above his head in the humour reflective. " I hope you 
 will, and the success will be attended with ten pounds for the 
 accomplishment. Should this attempt, however," resumed he, 
 more by way of communing with himself than for the information 
 of the Emperor, " prove like many that have preceded it, I shall 
 toy and dally no longer, but go on to outlawry. That's the nest 
 egg I have in reserve." 
 
 " And one which the most cautious can't avoid," returned the 
 Emiieror. 
 
 " No," said Mr Shallow with a chuckle; "we can reach 
 
 them by proclamation, let them be at Boulogne, Brussels, or at 
 
 the devil himself. Yes, yes, we can reach them by that vehicle, 
 
 although we can't put the screw on to squeeze them very tightly 
 
 by it." 
 
 " Unless," continued the Emperor, looking cunningly out 
 of the corners of his eyes, '* unless their honour presses upon the 
 
 corn." 
 
 " Ha ! " ejaculated Mr Shallow, quickly ; " in that case, and 
 they have the means remaining, there is nothing that brings them 
 to book more readily. But the Marquis " and then he shook
 
 TUE FOLLIES OF THE DAV. 103 
 
 his head despondingly, '^ is too well blown to care about such 
 trifles. No, no, no. However, I am determined to apply it us a 
 last resource, if no other presents itself of a more desirable 
 nature." 
 
 ^' You'll find," replied the Emperor, putting the prepared 
 writ into the only sound pocket that he possessed, " that Til 
 unkennel him." 
 
 V And mark you ! " rejoined Mr Shallow, lifting a finger, to 
 impress upon the Emperor the value and weight of his observa- 
 tion, */ if you do, I've sufficient work in my office, for the serving 
 of writs alone, to occupy you for the remainder of your venerated 
 and honourable age." 
 
 CHAPTER XVIT. 
 
 Ay, it's a brave sight — a heart-stirring, blood-quickening, pulse- 
 throbbing, right gladsome sight ! There they were in flaunting 
 scarlet and bright Lincoln green, — men, hounds, and horses, all 
 eager for the fun. The meet was at the well-known hill of Salt, 
 and that Quixotic hero of the gold and pink, the inimitable 
 Davis, sat on the pigskin as if glued to its surface, sur- 
 rounded by many a dashing knight of the chase and aspiring 
 hero for distinction. The appointed hour for tlie throw off" had 
 long since not only been well dipped into, but its successor was 
 on the wane, and the shadow on tlie unerring dial of the sun 
 scarcely permitted it to be called the still babbling noontide. 
 But no wonder ; for Lord Chestcrlane was the master of the 
 royal buckhounds then, and desperately late was his lordijhip in 
 all such matters and arrangements. Yet who shall ever look 
 upon the like again ? Then, indeed, was the regal hunt a dainty 
 disli for the most fastidious of palates. There was no cutting down 
 and shaving clean; no slicing and squeezing a few save-alls out 
 of the net revenue for his Majesty's hounds. No, no. His 
 lordship made ducks and drakes of the few paltry thousands in 
 breakfasts at Botham's, and trebled the legitimate expenditure 
 out of his own private purse. Those were tlie times for the 
 feeders of all kinds : from the humble bipeds who mingled kit 
 and meal for the aristocratic quadrupeds, to the cedar-topped 
 gourmonds stretching their boots and buckskins 'neath the
 
 104 d'horsay j or, 
 
 polished mahogany at his lordship's cost and charges. These 
 days, however, have long since floated down the stream of for- 
 getfulness, and, although we may turn to the mirror of the past 
 for a reflection, still, by Saint Hubert! the conjuring of our 
 fancy leaves a sigh of regret in the remembrance that such days 
 may never come again. 
 
 However, there they were — by they, we mean everything and 
 ever^^body — in the very bloom and blushing of their yet un- 
 plucked, ungathered spirit of joy. Some were mounting, others 
 were mounted, and all, with impatience thrilling from spur to 
 caput, were primed, cocked, and ready for the burst. Truth 
 being the chronicler of our sayings and doings, we are here 
 compelled to add, a few "jumping balls," in the guise of cherry 
 bounce, champagne, strong ale, and moistening fluids of varied 
 kinds and natures, possessed, perhaps, no insignificant influence 
 in producing. Be that as it may, each pressed toe in stirrup, and 
 felt, as he flung himself into the ready saddle, that he was a 
 match for fleeter things than ever skimmed earth, sea, or air. 
 
 And who is the well-moulded, pliant figure on that nag 
 coming under the denomination of the class " varmint looking." 
 Forsooth, but " the Queen of the Chase" shall lead the field a 
 merry bat to-day. Her heart is lighter than the gossamer, and 
 it will go hard, indeed, but that she floats at the head of the 
 foremost rank, with " her soul in her task, turning labour into 
 sport." Diana, 'tis said, was both coy and beautiful. Now it 
 cannot be alleged, with the fact backing the assertion, tliat her 
 Majesty of the regal pack and Surrey foxhounds rests much of 
 her attraction and charms on the former quality of birdlime. 
 Superlative bashfulness finds no peg whereon to suspend her 
 glove in the dominions of the present reigning Queen of the 
 Chase. She has no such maid of honour in the service of her 
 court ; but prefers a frankness of spirit which can only be gra- 
 phically conveyed in her own proper tongue. 
 
 *'I say. Ginger," observed her Majesty, to a remarkably 
 clean-shaved, neatly-dressed man, somewhat conspicuous by 
 reason of a white and stiffly starched neckerchief twisted so 
 smoothly round his throat, that — in the praseology of an obser- 
 vant laundress — " it seemed to be got up and ironed there." " I 
 say, Ginger," repeated the Queen, " in what kind of a fashion 
 does your mare face timber ? "
 
 . .^^ 
 
 
 ''tti/^y 
 
 .^k fn''
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. ]0o 
 
 '* In a way that may chance to show you her heels," replied 
 Ginger, in a loud key. 
 
 '* Ah ! " rejoined her Majesty. " You needn't take such pains 
 to let us all know she's for sale ;" and then a roar of laughter 
 from the surrounding listeners saluted the reply to Mr Ginger's 
 advertisement. 
 
 '' What's the odds. Ginger," asked the Queen, "■ that I don't 
 ride straighter to hounds to-day than you ? " 
 
 " A thousand to nothing if I'll let you," returned Ginger. 
 
 "L^tme!" exclaimed her Majesty. "Ha, ha! What the 
 deuce have you got to do with letting me, I should like to know ? " 
 
 *' That which a few others seem to be in no way inclined," 
 returned Ginger, bringing to view a set of particularly even and 
 white teeth — " letting you alone." 
 
 " The fox and the grapes, old boy — the fox and the grapes," 
 added the Queen, lifting her whip, and shaking it derisively 
 at him. 
 
 Then again the laugh was raised at the expense of the object 
 01 ner attack ; and so loud and merry was it that even the grim 
 and ghostly huntsman felt almost inclined to summons up a 
 smile. " Chessy's very late to-day," observed her Majesty, at 
 the conclusion of the mirth-stirring sound. 
 
 " Better late than never," replied a voice, and, upon turning 
 to the speaker, there was the Earl of Cliesterlanc close to her 
 elbow. " Better late than never," repeated he. 
 
 ** Ah, Chess ! " exclaimed the Queen, exchanging a pressure 
 of two fingers — and pretty taper fingers they were, too — 
 " we've been all at our prayers for your presence." 
 
 *' And may never a loving lip nor a zephyr from the balmy 
 south salute the cheek of beauty, but your orisons have at length 
 been effective," poetically returned his lordship. 
 
 " I have something to say that M'ill amuse ye," rejoined her 
 Majesty, moving her horse close to the side of his lordship's. 
 
 *' The rule is so utterly devoid of an exception," returned the 
 Earl, gallantly, '* that I could almost wish the announcement 
 had been a probability of creating ennui" 
 
 '' Adzooks ! " ejaculated the Queen, " your compliments are 
 like the swallows in spring gaping at every fly. But wliat 
 think you of Cook's dunning me for this habit he liad the honour 
 of building in accordance with your orders ? "
 
 106 d'horsay; or, 
 
 " That it is merely one of his simple arithmetical rules of 
 subtraction and compound interest," replied the Earl. 
 
 " I told him," rejoined the Queen, without noticing his lord- 
 ship's quirk answer, " that since he had had the felicity of an 
 introduction to me from you, he might place the item to the 
 ancient account of so very old and creditable a customer." 
 
 " By his thimble and goose ! " said his lordship, " I trust 
 the tenth of a male mortal did not decline such reasonable 
 instructions." 
 
 " Not flatly," replied her Majesty ; " but for a tailor he 
 portrayed a boldness of language and manner scarcely com- 
 patible with a member of his craft." 
 
 " How so ? " shortly inquired the Earl. 
 
 " He said," replied the Queen, flirting a highly-scented hand- 
 kerchief from her saddle-bow, " that he must be paid." 
 
 *' The Goth ! " exclaimed his lordship. " I've a mind to 
 tantalize him with a short-dated promise. And I would, too, 
 were it not to inflate his hopes with pleasure, however short- 
 lived." 
 
 And now the willow-limbed monarch of the wild was left to 
 spring from the narrow limits of his prison, and out he leaped 
 with a mighty bound, and turned — as well he might — a haughty, 
 disdainful glance upon the surrounding mob yelling at his debut. 
 
 With distended nostrils he snified the breeze, and then spring- 
 ing a step or two upon the ground, as if to test the strength of 
 his thews and sinews, he threw back his graceful antlers until 
 they reached his haunch, and then, like some arrow winged 
 from a stalwart bow of yore, he swept along and topped the 
 brake and briar, fence, rail, ditch, and brook, and made his very 
 shadow skim at a longer distance from his body than a thing of 
 slower movement. 
 
 '* Hold hard ! " 
 
 "■ Give them time, gentlemen," cries the Earl. " One mo- 
 ment. Let them get at it." 
 
 Faugh! Who can check the ambitious longings of that 
 moment ? 
 
 " For'ard, for'ard — hark for'ard, hark !" 
 
 Away they sped. Mettle, blood, and bone lifts them in every 
 stride. Music — sweeter never stirred the heart or pulse of man 
 — is being rung from throats that echo the joy in every breast.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 
 
 107 
 
 Now they top the bank and opposing wall like skimming 
 pigeons. On, on they sweep. "High over!" The Queen of 
 the Chase leads the field. Crane not, thou stubborn-bearded, 
 steel-heeled Nimrod. See, a woman is before you. Cram the 
 rowels deep into his flanks. Now tighten the snaffle; hold him 
 well together ; keep his head straight as a whistling bullet from 
 a well-levelled rifle ; steady your hand — he will not flinch nor 
 swerve. No, he feels as you feel — what must be, must — and, 
 taking stern compulsion by the forelock, flies the bold impe- 
 diment with the ease of thought and triumph of success. 
 
 "Ha, ha, ha!" 
 
 By the gods ! she can laugh as well as she can ride. And 
 if she could not with so much facility, the occasion would have 
 oiled the hinge. There he goes! The discomfited Ginger is 
 seeking to embrace mother earth in a vagary of movements ere 
 he makes the final hug. Like a hoop he whirls mid air, and 
 then, upon the flat of his back, he exhibits his fair proportions 
 without sense or motion. 
 
 " Catch my horse ! " shouts an unknown inhabitant of murky 
 Cockaigne, left on the wrong side of a thick-set hedge. 
 
 " Ha, ha, ha ! " 
 
 The Queen mocks the unhappy adventurer, and ere he can 
 recover the dizziness in his brain, rising and sparkling like a 
 thumped bottle of soda water, all has passed away, leaving not 
 '< even the baseless fabric of a vision" in the rear. 
 
 Ride on, ride on ; or hope not to hear again the cry of 
 hounds to-day. Mile after mile is scoured with breathless 
 haste. Here they are, and now they are gone. Tlie ruddy and 
 bronzed cheek of the ploughman, as he stays his team to watch 
 the inspiring chase sweep by, becomes heightened in its flush, 
 and, giving vent to the thrill of enthusiasm vibrating through 
 his English heart — for English hearts alone know what 'tis to 
 feel the inspiring melody of a huntsman's cheer — halloos himself 
 hoarse, and shouts until not a sign or vestige of the pursuing 
 and pursued remains. Urchins clamber to the topmost branches 
 of the loftiest trees to view with straining eyes the inspiring 
 sight ; while old and blear-eyed women hobble to their 
 cottage doors, and, shading witli upraised liands tlieir weakened 
 vision, chuckle with glee, and rub tlieir withered palms in very 
 ecstasy.
 
 108 d'horsay ; OR, 
 
 Still ihe chase went on. 
 
 At the head of every one — even a good fair length from 
 Davis, who ever pricks over all as it pleases destiny to send — 
 the Queen of the Chase rides right gallantly. Then chinked 
 and clanked the gold couples adorning the shoulders of the 
 noble master, doing, in vain, his best to gain her side. Wilton, 
 Uxbridge, Paget, Errol — sportsmen true from heart to heel — 
 now remember a petticoat flirts before ye ; and, although we 
 would urge each and all to approach it, yet mistake not the 
 innocence of our meaning. Temptation is ever on, above, 
 beneath, or about that simple garment — simple in its structure, 
 but intricate in the secret and hidden powers of its attraction. 
 Beware, ye followers of the chase, how ye run into a petticoat. 
 Tliere may be — nay, there is — danger in securing a stag or in 
 pulling down a fox ; but the risks of dislocations and such like 
 dangers are as a crock of gold to a worm-eaten nut compared 
 
 to we were going to write '' pulling down a petticoat ;" but 
 
 the phrase would have been incorrect, both figuratively and 
 literally speaking ; and so let the fertile imagination of others 
 add that which the dictionary of our remembrance fails to 
 supply. 
 
 It was a bold leap — one that made more than one pair of 
 eyes stare and gape full wide to see it taken ; but 'tis a question 
 which remains an open one to this hour, whether the fair and 
 fearless rider's did not stretch from lid to lid, with greater space 
 atween than those witnessing her boldness, when she found 
 herself poised in the thin, unresisting air, and about to annihilate 
 a loving couple twined within each other's arms. Good pilotage 
 is " touch an' go," and never was it more felicitously illustrated. 
 Another short twelve inches, and it would have been a crash 
 of ribs and limbs, and slender fragile bones; so fragile that 
 not one was formed by nature to bear a greater pressure than 
 a brace of loving arras to one round, slender waist. 
 
 The hour was an early one for a pic-nic ; but still there is no 
 accounting for taste. Why not unroof the top of a pigeon pie 
 in the misty fog of the morn in spring, as in the softer hour 
 of the decline of noon ? But then there 7vas no pie. A cold 
 salad might have proved an excuse and extenuation of the cir- 
 cumstance ; but, save the green grass on which they sat, not a 
 blade, nor a leaf, not even a watercress offered the means or
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 109 
 
 appliances wherewith to mix a cooling mingling of such 
 innoxious ingredients. 
 
 Then why were they there ? 
 
 In truth, gentle reader, more especially if your blood creeps 
 through the intricacies of vour frame with the action of a 
 machine wound up to tell the lazy hours how to doze and stick 
 in the creaking joint of Time, we cannot describe the cause. 
 A cause there was without a doubt, and one which bears only 
 the conception of a delicate thought ; not a plain, blunt 
 delineation. 
 
 But to the point. 
 
 " High over ! " cheered the Queen of the Chase, throwing out 
 her whip hand as her straight flyer rose at a yawning leap, and 
 — shades of Cupid and of Psyche ! — within the length and 
 stretch of a few barleycorns, as they reached earth again, there 
 reclined the Marquis D'Horsay clasped in the warm, fresh, rosy, 
 pinky arms of a daisy-mead daughter and rural fair one, "the 
 pride of the village." 
 
 •' Away, away ! " hallooed the Queen, laughing merrily at her 
 untoward discovery. " The whole hunt will be upon ye in a 
 few seconds." 
 
 *' Confusion ! " exclaimed the Marquis, rising and making a 
 precipitate retreat behind the broad trunk of a tree. " We must 
 not be seen, Clara. The laugh would be terribly against us." 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 There is an end to all things. We are told that even the stars 
 must fade away, and that the sun will, at length, grow dim witli 
 age. Certain it is, in more confined spheres and hemispheres, 
 the end is scarcely out of view of the beginning. From infancy 
 to youth, from youth to age, and from age to death, seem but 
 so many leaves of a well-worn volume, exhausted at a single 
 glance. But we arc *' i' the vein sentimental," when we profess 
 to deal only with " the follies of the day." Then hence the 
 leaden thought ! We will deal only Avith the outside and very 
 surface of the cover. 
 
 " Over the water," in reply to " Wlicre is So-an'-so?" is quite 
 as comprehensive as giving the information more minutely.
 
 110 d'horsay; ok, 
 
 To " Where are his letters to be addressed ? " — the answer, " Post 
 office, Belvedier place, Surrey," is equally intelligible. No one 
 but a pudding-brained bumpkin would seek for further explana- 
 tion. There are a great many matters bearing an especially 
 innocent and even agreeable tendency under the shade and pro- 
 tection of varnish and false colouring, which, unshelled and 
 scraped, would offend the eye and grate more unpleasantly upon 
 the ear than the squeaking of an un-oiled axle. " Residing 
 over the water," for instance, is nothing in comparison with "a 
 prisoner in the Queen's Bench." The latter would-be offensive, 
 as a direction, to the oldest inhabitant of that district, more 
 limited than the one from which Rasselas found an extreme 
 difficulty to escape, and offering greater difficulties for so desir- 
 able an object. Not a single individual of the many within its 
 walls and confines, but would feel himself aggrieved and his 
 honour impugned by such a designation. No, no, no, 'Tis a 
 grave offence, and one which the law holds to be so, to call 
 things by their proper names. We must roll them in well- 
 selected wrappers and envelopes, highly glossed and perfumed, 
 and then 'twere little harm to serve up the nicest information, and 
 to lay bare the most secret " wheels within wheels" moving the 
 intricate machinery of life. 
 
 The Bench was anything but a hideous dungeon for its cap- 
 tives ; but, like many other modern institutions, despoiled of 
 attraction and of privilege, it presents a very different appear- 
 ance now to the state and condition of its high and palmy days. 
 There was a time when men sojourned there, and lived, in spite 
 of the law of creditor and debtor, upon the very cream and fat 
 of the land. To them the allotment of a certain space to air 
 themselves in, with the recreations of racket, bowls, skittles, and 
 suchlike games, was anything but a mode of teaching economy 
 or utility to their lives of wastefulness. " Eat, drink, and be 
 merry," was the motto with all and each ; and from him who 
 cooked his own mutton chop — when he could get it — to him 
 who had it cooked whenever he felt an impulse for mutton, this 
 was the standing rule which seldom, indeed, was invaded by an 
 exception. Slippered and robed in the most negligent, free-an'- 
 easy manner, there, in swaggering, devil-may-care air and 
 humour, might be seen those who had ever deemed a confiding 
 creditor fair game for their respective plucking. The jest was
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. Ill 
 
 «wha had dived deepest into the affections" of the trusting 
 multitude too desirous for profits in empty figures, and over- 
 anxious for the names of customers in their ledgers rather than 
 the solid benefits of their legitimate dealings. And extrava- 
 gance, eked on by the facilities rendered to the fanning of the 
 flame, finds but a sorry cure in the punishment applied for the 
 redress of its wrongs committed, or the punishment for them 
 where no redress can be extracted. 
 
 Young, old, wrinkled, fat, lean — all kinds, all sorts, and all 
 natures were, but a little time since, mingling denizens within 
 the semi-circular walls of the Queen's Bench. Eccentric, 
 misshapen, and distorted in mind, in habit, and in person, the 
 imprisoned debtor exhibited but a lamentable proof of a bad law 
 badly administered. Degraded and debased, cai-eless of the 
 past and reckless of the future, idling in forced necessity to 
 earn not even his daily crust — at least by honest means — and 
 mingling in a throng of the vicious and the dissolute, what could 
 b?,thc only eff"ect of such captivity? Surely not a beneficial 
 one to the vindicating or protective laws, professing to produce 
 good, and good only, in being carried into operation by the stern 
 and pointed finger of justice. 
 
 As we have previously said, " there is an end to all things," 
 and there stands a fair illustration of the asserted truism, A 
 large, bloated, drowsy owl stands blinking by his side, while he, 
 with lighted hookah, is puffing thick volumes of smoke from 
 his lips, and exhibits scarcely one link in the animal creation 
 above the dull intellect of that proverbially stupid bird ^' fright- 
 ing the dull ear of night with her hideous screech." Yes, there 
 is the terminus of the good name, station, character, and all that 
 a man should prize more dear than life itself, in the person of 
 that young English nobleman. Lord Huntingcastle has arrived 
 at the finish on the road to ruin. Quick, indeed, has been the 
 pace — quicker than any other member of his class ; although it 
 must be admitted that there have been many who, in the same 
 path, have not permitted the grass to grow under their feet. 
 
 Hastening through the bearded, moustached, slippered, dirty- 
 shirted, cadaverous crew, standing at some short distance from 
 Lord Huntingcastle, a thin, pale-faced, and somewhat gentle- 
 manly-looking person approached.
 
 112 
 
 dhorsay; or, 
 
 "Ah, Captain Caughty ! " exclaimed his lordship, moving 
 towards the stranger, " what's in the wind — keck — that brings 
 you — keck — here ? " 
 
 " I'm not in the army now," replied the ci-devant captain, 
 with a cunning leer. " I'm a Count now, mind you." 
 
 " The devil you are," returned his lordship. " And — keck — 
 what induced you to change — keck — your title ? " 
 
 *' A good, snug reason of my own," added the Count. " But 
 to business," continued he, placing his arm familiarly through 
 one of Lord Huntingcastle's, and making him walk thus linked by 
 his side, dropped his voice to a whisper, and continued. " You 
 know Sir Robert Bill ? " 
 
 " Slightly," replied his lordship. 
 
 '' You must improve the acquaintance, then," rejoined the 
 Count. '' He has money. We want money. You understand ? " 
 
 " A plant — keck — I suppose." 
 
 " Exactly so," returned the Count. <* And I intend that you 
 should be first fiddler." 
 
 " But — keck — perhaps I won't scrape," said his lordship. 
 
 '' In that case," replied the Count, in the tone deliberate, 
 " you'll provoke my hostility. Remember there is a nice little 
 rod in pickle in the shape of an indictment for perjury." 
 
 "I committed no more — keck — perjury than you did," re- 
 joined his companion. 
 
 " Very likely not," returned the Count ; " and I neither know 
 nor care about that part of the affair. Sufficient for my purpose," 
 continued he, '* that appearances are against you, and so would 
 be the verdict of a jury." 
 
 " I don't think it would," said his lordship. 
 
 " You wouldn't like the risk of testing it," replied his 
 companion." 
 
 " No — keck — no, I should not, Caughty," returned Lord 
 Huntingcastle, in a flurried manner. 
 
 ''Then you must conform to my plans and wishes," rejoined 
 the Count, regarding his lordship with the look of a cannibal. 
 
 " What are they ? " 
 
 " Give a dinner — you know how to give one — and I'll bring 
 Sir Robert Bill with me," replied the Count. 
 
 '' Yes ? " said his lordship, interrogatively.
 
 /-' ^..^■/^.oA'^j ^t-y/zc'/: . u^ //
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 
 
 113 
 
 '' Then, when primed, you'll propose a little chicken, and with 
 these despatches," continued the Count, taking from his waist- 
 coat pocket a couple of dice, '' you'll " 
 
 " What are despatches ? " inquired his lordship. 
 
 " Upon my honour ! " replied the Count, peevishly, '' you are 
 almost too green to live, Huntingcastle. Not to know what 
 despatches are ! Confound it " 
 
 *' You can — keck — tell me, can't ye, without so much — keck 
 — blarney ? " said his lordship. 
 
 " Yes, yes," replied the Count, modulating his tone of indig- 
 nation. " Well ! " continued he, " these, d'ye see, are loaded so 
 that they'll cast the main seven and no other." 
 
 " Indeed ! " returned his companion, taking the dice and 
 examining them with a scrutinizing gaze, and much after the 
 fashion of a child inspecting the mysteries of a new toy. 
 
 " You'd never discover how it's managed," remarked the 
 Count. 
 
 '•• And so — keck — they'll al ways throw a seven ?" said Lord 
 Huntingcastle. 
 
 *' Or a nick to it," replied his friend. 
 
 "They*re safe tools to play with," returned his lordship, 
 tossing the dice in the air and catching them dexterously. 
 
 " Verv," added the Count. " Sir Robert calls five alwavs, 
 and therefore, with an occasional change, which we can ring 
 now and then to sweeten him on, he can be eased of some of his 
 superfluous cash with the greatest facility and comfort to all 
 parties in the pie." 
 
 " Except himself," said his companion. 
 
 '<Ah! that's a secondary consideration," replied the Count. 
 *' We never study the feelings of a live goose when plucking it," 
 continued he, metaphorically. 
 
 ** That's true," rejoined his lordship. " But — keck — what 
 makes you then — keck — study mine? " 
 
 " You're j)luched" returned his friend, with frankness and with 
 candour. " Tlicre's a vast deal of difference between the past 
 and the present." 
 
 "Ay," added Lord Huntingcastle. "I — keck — quite forgot 
 the state of my feathers." 
 
 "If ignorance were bliss," observed his friend, "'twere folly 
 to remember."
 
 114 d'horsay ; or, 
 
 " And wliat am I to have for the plant ? " asked his lordship. 
 
 " I'm liberal in all my schemes," replied the Count. " Half 
 of the pull and profits will be your share." 
 
 " And can he stand a heavy one?" inquired his companion. 
 
 " I should say that he was good for a clean ten thousand," 
 replied the Count. 
 
 *' Then — keck — we'll lighten his pockets — ^keck — quickly." 
 
 " But not suddenly y' added the Count. " No, no, no. It 
 must be managed in homoeopathic quantities, and, as atoms make 
 a mountain, so atoms continually subtracted from it reduce it to 
 a level. I must assist actively in the reduction of Sir Robert's 
 loose coin by teaching him the game of ecarte." 
 
 " Teaching him ! " repeated Lord Huntingcastle, laughing. 
 " He'll — keck — pay dearly enough for the information." 
 
 " I deserve a good premium," returned the Count. " My 
 society," continued he, " is very agreeable to strangers, and 
 people must pay for luxuries, you know." 
 
 '* But it is — keck — agreeable to strangers only," rejoined his 
 lordship. "When you — keck — come to be known- " 
 
 " There's a great difficulty in being trusted," added the Count. 
 
 ''Yes," said his noble friend, "and even — keck — with my 
 endorsement you were found out — keck — upon one occasion." 
 
 " Smith's?" shortly asked the Count. 
 
 " Yes," replied his lordship. 
 
 "Ah! that was a stupid affair," rejoined his friend. "The 
 introduction proved to be neither profitable nor useful." 
 
 " Do you know what they — keck — were afraid of — keck — 
 when they discovered who you were ? " inquired Lord Hunt- 
 ingcastle. 
 
 " No," replied the Count. 
 
 " Their spoons," rejoined his lordship. 
 
 " By G— d ! " swore the Count, " if I had thought that there 
 would have been such a jaw about my stretching my legs under 
 that table, I would have eased it or the sideboard, you may rest 
 assured." 
 
 "I'm glad, at least— keck — then, you didn't anticipate it/' 
 returned his companion. 
 
 " Glad or otherwise," said the Count, " I consider myself 
 an ill-used individual in that business, and that you owe me a 
 good — very good turn for it."
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAT. 115 
 
 " How SO?" inquired Lord Huntingcastle. 
 
 " How so ? " repeated the Count. " Wasn't I blown up by a 
 whole pack of yelpers, and did I get a brass farthing by it ?" 
 
 " That was no fault — keck — of mine," returned his lordship. 
 " You asked me " 
 
 " Asked !" interrupted his companion. "What is there you 
 could, refuse me ? " 
 
 " Well, then — keck — made me introduce you — keck — to the 
 house of ^ gentleman," replied his noble friend. " I am not 
 responsible — keck — for your acts of compulsion." 
 
 *' I hate arguing," said the Count. " Let us drop the subject. 
 When will you give this dinner ? " 
 
 "Your day and hour— keck — must be mine," replied his 
 lordship. 
 
 " Don't repeat 'must' and 'made' so frequently," rejoined the 
 Count. "I shall begin to think you're growing desperate, and 
 there's nothing so desperate as a coward." 
 
 '^I wish — keck — you'd keep such opinions to yourself, " said 
 his companion. 
 
 *' I will, if they disturb ye," replied the Count. " But to the 
 dinner. What say you to the day after to-morrow ? " 
 
 " The time ? " ' 
 
 " Seven," returned his friend. 
 
 " Very good," added his lordship. " You'll find — keck— a 
 decent spread for you." 
 
 *' And the dessert," replied the Count, facetiously, " will be in 
 accordance with your deserts. Good night." 
 
 " Good night," returned Lord Huntingcastle, and as he said 
 so there was a secret resolve within himself that the event 
 desired by the Count should not come off. 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 It not unfrequently happens that a design is accomplished 
 without the means and appliances being admissible of explanation 
 or comprehension, not only to the disinterested spectator of the 
 handicraft, but even to the artificer himself, "You've been and 
 done it ! " was one of the popular cries in town and in country, 
 and, indeed, may still occasionally be heard by way of revival.
 
 116 d'horsay; or, 
 
 .*' How have I been and done it? " is tlie general interrogatory- 
 reply to this accusation. *' Never mind," for the most part 
 forms the rejoinder, "you'll find out." 
 
 Exactly so. " You'll find out," and with this dark, hidden, 
 mysterious admonition the accused revolves within his inward 
 man the what, the when, and the where, until the whole becomes 
 hashed into such a puzzle that his brain labours with a monster, 
 and an incubus sits grinning in the form of a mis-shapen hump 
 between his shoulders, mocking his fears and shaking his 
 nervous system beyond the remedy of narcotic influence. 
 
 But this is not the only way of doing a deed in the dark. 
 As "the wish is often father to the thought," so is this said 
 wish often the immediate progenitor of the act, without the link 
 of the thinking division. In this case — there being no thought 
 in the matter — an end is jumped to — after the fashion that Lord 
 Brousfham trained the woolsack — without the exercise of that 
 mental image called an idea, and to inquire how it was managed, 
 would, of course, beget this reply, or to the like effect, " I've 
 been and done it, but don't know how." 
 
 Now this was precisely the state and condition of the Em- 
 peror as he found himself in the presence of the Marquis 
 D'Horsay, armed with that deadly — deadly at least to the ^ 
 
 animal spirits — weapon, a copy of a writ. There he stood ; but 1 
 like that celebrated fly discovered embalmed in amber, the way \ 
 of obtaining admittance therein no mortal, however philo- 
 sophical and subtle-brained, could or will unriddle or devise. 
 Whether it was by the chimney, door, key-hole, window, crack, 
 chink, or crevice, no one — not even himself — could tell. Suffi- 
 cient for his purpose, and sufficient for oar history, that there 
 he was. 
 
 Our hero was, at the moment of becoming sensible of the 
 presence of some one, or something more than himself and his 
 shadow, perusing a paragraph in the ' Morning Post,' penned by 
 and concerning himself. The Marquis started, and his cheek 
 even blanched at perceiving the scraggy, phantom-looking im- 
 pei'sonated circumstance — for he believed for the nonce that his 
 brain was wandering — before him, stretching forth that elongated 
 document with its skinny hands and grimy nails. 
 
 "And who are you ? " faultered the Marquis, beginning to 
 suspect that the figure before him was so far material that
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 117 
 
 Diogenes would have rebuked him for standing between the sun 
 and hktiself. " I say, who are you, and how came you here ? " 
 asked our hero. 
 
 " It matters not who I am," replied the Emperor, " and how I 
 came here," continued he, " I either can't or won't tell. You 
 may take either for an answer, and select that which pleases you 
 the most or displeases you the least." 
 
 " Who do you come from ? " inquired the Marquis, decidedly 
 at fault with his mysterious visitor. 
 
 " One'not altogether unknown to fame," returned the Em- 
 peror. *' Shallow, of Henrietta street, Covent garden." 
 
 *' And how the deuce did you gain admittance from him?" 
 passionately inquired the Marquis. 
 
 '* You have had my answer to that question already," rejoined 
 the unwelcome intruder, as cool as a lemon ice in August. 
 
 " I'll dismiss " 
 
 " No one, sir, on account of this," added the Emperor, " I 
 hope. The sharpest watch dog could not have prevented my 
 entrance." 
 
 "Have you an invisible coat of mail, then?" asked the 
 Marquis. 
 
 *' I soon shall have," replied the visitor, looking at the many 
 rents and darns in his rusty brown cloak. " The truth is," con- 
 tinued he, " no one could have served you with process but me. 
 I said that I coxtJd do it, and I have kept my word. Seek not 
 to learn the means, for those you never can." 
 
 *' I thought that my precautions Avere absolute security," 
 soliloquized the Marquis, receiving the writ with a lip and nose 
 curled with mingled disgust and mortification. 
 
 '* There are exceptions to all rules," rejoined the Emperor, 
 " and I have proved to be one in yours." 
 
 " For nine thousand ! " exclaimed the Marquis, perusing the 
 writ. " If taken upon this, I'm a target for the insolvent com- 
 missioners, or a gentleman curtailed of his liberty for life." 
 
 " You can neither afford one nor the other," returned the 
 Emperor. " A man, however he may be blown upon for being 
 in difficulties, so long as he keeps out of the Bench and the air 
 of Portugal street, can hold his head up on Sunday, and such- 
 like privileged days or times when he chooses to run the risk of 
 being bummed. But," continued he, " when once he has been
 
 118 d'horsay; or, 
 
 a prison bird, his bright plumage is dimmed then and dimmed 
 for ever. No no, Marquis, you must and can arrange this trifle 
 to better advantage." 
 
 " Pray be seated," added the Marquis, in his superlatively 
 polite and winning manner, -while a new light seemed to break 
 through the thick and misty veil of his doubts and fears. " I 
 think you said something about that pleasant meet-me-by-half- 
 way measure arrangement," he continued, as his visitor found 
 himself resting on and in the cushions of an easy reclining 
 chair, facing the Marquis, with the barrier of the breakfast table 
 only between them. 
 
 " I did," replied the Emperor. 
 
 " And in what form do you mean ? " inquired the Marquis. 
 " But pardon me," he continued, " a little refreshment of some 
 kind would be agreeable, perhaps ? " 
 
 " I thank you," returned his visitor. " A glass of brandy 
 would be pleasant after my walk." 
 
 Quickly the fiery distillation was procured, and as quickly 
 disposed of by the Emperor. 
 
 " You see," continued he, smacking his lips, and using the 
 corner of his cloak for a napkin. *' You see," he repeated, 
 " that every man has his price. Now I have mine, and, 
 although rather a high one, yet the value of a thing is in pro- 
 portion to what it will fetch or bring." 
 
 " Certainly, most ceilainly,"" acquiesced the Maiqi.ie. 
 
 " Very good," replied the Emperor. " Then we don't disagree 
 in that particular." 
 
 " No one could, with so much reason in the assertion," rejoined 
 the Marquis. 
 
 "Then hark ye, Marquis," said his visitor, "I can — and 
 you will not doubt it — wriggle myself into the presence of any one. 
 He may be more cautious than a rat, more cunning than a mon- 
 key, more wary than a fox, and yet I'd circumvent him." 
 
 " Some men are singularly gifted," replied the Marquis. 
 
 " They are," added the Emperor, " and the word ' gift ' ex- 
 presses the talent to the letter. We have heard of the calculating 
 boy, the double-sighted boy, and many wonders of the kind who 
 possess strange powers without being able either to transfer them 
 to others or to explain how they possess them themselves. These 
 are properly called ' gifts,' anel in the like manner I possess the
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 119 
 
 gift of gaining admittance where and to whom I am inclined to 
 see, or my interests lead me." 
 
 *' Indeed!" exclaimed the Marquis, beginning to regard his 
 visitor in a supernatural light. 
 
 " Ay," replied he, " neither walls, doors, bars, grates, or bolts, 
 can stop me." 
 
 '' Upon my life !" ejaculated our hero, " you must be Asmo- 
 deue." 
 
 " No," rejoined the Emperor. " Of the dirt I am especially 
 dirty, ^nd yet such is the power that I wield." 
 
 " But I am sure," added the Marquis, leaning forwards and 
 smilitig in a not-to-be-resisted way, " you will exercise it 
 mercifully." 
 
 ** That depends on the bait wherewith to catch it, Marquis," 
 replied his visitoi-. " I'm not to be caught with chaff." 
 
 " No, no, no," rejoined the Marquis, producing a sudden and 
 very different change in his manner. " Certainly not. Plain, 
 o^ndid honesty is the only way that we will deal together." 
 
 " Well said," returned the Emperor. " Then now we'll come 
 to points." 
 
 " Sharp and as quick as you please," replied the complacent 
 Marquis. 
 
 " With your caution and precaution," returned the Emperor, 
 " the chances are a hundred to one in your favour of not being 
 bummed unless through my instrumentality. Buy me, and you 
 are safe." 
 
 "Egad!" exclaimed our hero. Egad!" repeated he, crossing 
 his legs and rubbing his white hands with satisfaction, "this 
 savours, and savours only, of honesty. Then, upon our coming to 
 terms," he continued, " you'll withdraw that elongated strip of 
 ill-favoured paper now between your fingers ?" 
 
 " Ithas'nt been served yet," replied the Emperor, leering out 
 of the corners of his eyes. '■' I couldn't make an affidavit of ser- 
 vice without having touched the person and very body with the 
 writ." 
 
 " What a remarkably finished and accomplished diplomatist 
 you would make," rejoined the Marquis. " Pray, name your 
 terms for withdrawing that offending document from my sight, 
 and, whatever they may be, still consider me your debtor." 
 
 " But one that must meet his promises better than his promis-
 
 120 d'horsay; or, 
 
 sory notes," returned the Emperor, filling his glass again with 
 brandy and drinking it with that abrupt jerk which none but a 
 practised tipler can perform without the risk of instantaneous suf- 
 focation. 
 
 " You need entertain no fear concerning my engagements to 
 you," said the Marquis. 
 
 "■ No," added his visitor, " that I believe. For you would 
 soon find me at your elbow to remind you of the defalcation." 
 
 " And now, without further parley," observed our hero, 
 " what do you expect in return for your passive amicability 
 instead of your active hostility ?" 
 
 <' I'll be moderate," replied the Emperor ; " for it is no policy 
 of mine either to cut up the goose or to squeeze it beyond the 
 power of its spine." 
 
 " A very wise resolve," said the Marquis. 
 "You see," continued his visitor, "■ I am paid for these kind 
 of jobs, and a man always feels greater satisfaction in being paid 
 for doing his duty than in being owr-paid for 7iot doing it." 
 
 " When the spirit of honesty predominates over the generally 
 stronger distillation of dishonesty," observed the Marquis, byway 
 of parenthesis. 
 
 <' Well ! that may be the case with me," replied the Emperor. 
 " But what I wish to impress upon your mind," continued he, 
 <' is, that I must, in order to make good the deficiency concerning 
 the qualms of conscience, be more liberally dealt with for abstain- 
 ing from performing my services than in " 
 
 *' I comprehend you to the nicest possible imaginary shade," 
 interrupted the Marquis, "and such refined sentiments do credit 
 to your heart." 
 
 " And you will remember," resumed the Emperor, ''that, pro- 
 vided you continue to observe the complete and perfect pre- 
 ventives against the admission of the emissaries of John Doe and 
 llichard Roe, no one and nothing can reach you, excepting me, 
 and my visit will be merely an occasional one to let you know 
 that the sum I must periodically receive is justly my due." 
 
 " I shall be almost glad to see you," replied the Marquis, 
 "provided you do not appear too suddenly so as to discompose 
 my nerves." The Emperor grinned, but more like a mortal than 
 one of those things through which the wind can blow and the 
 light of the moon stream without impediment.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY, 121 
 
 " And what sum do you require for this essential abandonment 
 of yo^ir pursuits to ensure my happiness ?" asked the Marquis. 
 
 " You'll not consider ten pounds a month too much ?" said his 
 visitor. 
 
 " Not one shilling," replied the Marquis, " and let me request 
 of you to accept the first payment in advance," continued he, 
 taking from his pocket-case a clean, crisp note with abroad "Ten" 
 floiu'ished upon its silver surface. 
 
 " I accept it with thanks," rejoined the Emperor, " and now 
 vou m^y deem yourself as securely fortified as the shelled tor- 
 toise." 
 
 "■ The reflection will prove extremely consoling," returned our 
 hero, and while speaking he glanced for a moment out of the 
 window, at some object catching his attention, and when he turned 
 to again address the Emperor he was gone — how he knew not. 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 It has been remarked somewhere, and, of course, by somebody 
 
 — perchance by us in a foregoing page of these chronicles — that 
 
 different pursuits are creative of different tastes and affections, 
 
 and yet each is followed by its votaries with little variation from 
 
 his fellow. Thus we find lawyers' clerks collectively strangely 
 
 devoted to gin-and-water and private theatricals. Drivers and 
 
 conductors of omnibuses are proverbial — without exceptions — 
 
 for the pleasure they derive in risking and putting in imminent 
 
 danger the lives and limbs of the inoffensive public, and abusing 
 
 them in superlative " Billingsgate" for the slightest imaginary 
 
 affront, and, indeed, if this be wanting, for none at all, when 
 
 " i' the vein" for giving a touch of their quality. Tailors and 
 
 shoemakers are celebrated for the zest and relish they feel in 
 
 thrashing their better lialves. And so we might proceed in 
 
 tracing the peculiar inclinations of the genus homo throughout 
 
 the multitude of links in the chain of that crowning crust in the 
 
 animal creation, had our space and patience scope withal to lend 
 
 us the necessary assistance for the task. But neither the one 
 
 nor the other is a volunteer, and therefore wc must e'en cut our 
 
 yarn according to our paper. 
 
 It may not be generally known that those slender-limbed
 
 122 d'horsay ; or, 
 
 creatures who skip, whirl, jump, twirl, and dazzle the eye with 
 " the poetry of motion," at the footlights of the stage, bearing 
 the title of Jigvrantes, are especially inclined to excursions to 
 rural spots, such as Richmond, Greenwich, Windsor, and places 
 of the kind within a pleasant drive of the great metropolis, for 
 the no less pleasant purpose of enjoying a dinner, concerning 
 which expense is an object totally disregarded. This may seem 
 a singular propensity on the part of these ladies of the leg and 
 slipper ; but such it is, and scarcely one but makes a subject of 
 boast, in scenes behind the scenes, concerning the elegance and 
 lavish expenditure bestowed upon her last — why should Ave 
 hesitate to write the word ? — " spree." 
 
 As a matter of course, moralists will continue to draw down 
 their lips, look over their spectacles, shake their heads, and feel 
 as if a glass of hot brandy and water would be of considerable 
 relief to their inward feelings — we remember (kind subscriber, 
 pardon the parenthesis) a bright exhalation as if of yesterday, 
 but now gone to that bourne from which no commercial tra- 
 veller has found his way back, who invariably described this 
 sensibility as his " in'ards." We say that mouldy and grey, 
 grim and rickety framers of the moral codes by which starched 
 society is kept upon its perpendicular, will feel that an act of 
 parliament should at once be passed to prevent these suburban 
 rollickings. It may be so ; but we hazard the opinion that not 
 one of the present ministers would be inclined to bring in a bill ; 
 and if we are to believe the whisperings of days gone by, there 
 were votaries of Cupid in the late cabinet too ardently devoted 
 to his lures to be instrumental in breaking the meshes of his 
 web. However, pass we on. Things as they are have we to 
 deal with — not as they ought to be. 
 
 Now Clai'a — yes, Clara is a pretty name, and it will suit our 
 purpose better than one in closer proximity to that which her 
 godfathers and godmothers bestowed upon her at her baptism — 
 was one of those wasp-waisted, captivating nymphs who catch 
 hearts in abundance with their heels, and open the purse-strings 
 of their adorers with the vawning lift of a floodgate. Clara was 
 fond of anything that came under the head of extensively dear 
 — we mean expensive — and from an ounce of strawberries at 
 Christmas to a tiara of diamonds from Storr and Mortimer's, 
 Clara was not only open to the offer, but ready and willing to
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 123 
 
 finger the gift. She was partial — in truth, strangely fond of 
 dining, supping, or partaking of refreshments under any head or 
 form that could be served up on silver. That was the sine qua 
 non. Invite Clara to coffee, and she would refuse. 
 
 It happened, under one of those strange phases of the moon that 
 men's wits are thick, and many circumstances turn them to the 
 contrary, that the Marquis D'Horsay had made an excursion to 
 the 'neighbourhood of Windsor, accompanied by Clara, to enjoy 
 — in spite of the danger of encountering Messrs Grab and Co. — 
 the ease of comparative freedom. And all things were as easy 
 as old slippers. Our hero's boots were easy, and that was a. great 
 comfort. Their conversation was easy, and their entire ways, 
 manners, and means were quite of the same order. Under such 
 circumstances Time spins his woof with the speed of light. The 
 evening was spent, and so was the night, and the morning waned, 
 and yet it seemed as no one stage had passed ; and whether, at 
 the precise moment of becoming conscious of the state of the 
 h^urs, it was considered to be too late or too early for a return, is 
 not quite a matter of certainty, but the policy of making 
 " another day of it" was agreed upon, as being indispensable for 
 the comfort and, perhaps, utility of the measure. Thus it was, 
 thai in a stroll, after a late dejeunc, the Queen of the Chase had 
 dropped so inopportunely upon them in a moment of rest. 
 
 Then why describe Clara as "a daisy-mead daughter" and 
 "pride of the village?" 
 
 In such a character have we seen her drawing innumerable 
 Sflasses to a common centre, decked in flowers and a confusion of 
 folds of gauze scarcely secreting that particular part of the leg 
 whereon the fastening of the stocking is generally clasped, and 
 smiling and making others smile to see her pirouette as the star 
 of the ballet. This is our pica of justification. 
 
 It was Saturday night, and the Opera house was crammed from 
 pit to dome. The hour of midnight had also struck, and there- 
 fore, strickly speaking, we should have said that it was Sunday 
 morning. This, however, would have sounded uncuphonious 
 and almost uncharitable, and therefore we still adhere to our 
 first description of the measure of duration. The hour of safety 
 having arrived, the Marquis D'Horsay entered the omnibus box, 
 and exposed his white waistcoat to the house without a fear or 
 tremor in his breast.
 
 124 b'horsay; or, 
 
 *' Ah ! How do?" exclaimed and inquired Sir George 
 Woomwill, as our hero entered. 
 
 ''Well — very well," replied the Marquis. 
 
 " It is quite refreshing to see you," observed Lord Theophilus 
 Fitzgordin, shaking him by the hand. "This spot, like the 
 park, seems to be — egad ! I hate the place without you'i'e to be 
 seen." 
 
 " So do I," returned Captain Mac, the handsomest captain of 
 the age. " So do I," repeated he. 
 
 " Accept my best thanks for your complimentary greetings," 
 added the Marquis, sweeping the circles with his glass, and 
 saluting with the tips of his gloved fingers those who shared the 
 honour of his acquaintance. 
 
 " Grisi eclipsed herself to-night," remarked Sir George. 
 '' You lost a treat." 
 
 "And one that I am likely to continue to lose," returned our 
 hero, smiling, " unless the time be altered to a later hour." 
 
 "He, he, he!" tittered Sir George. "That's remarkably 
 facetious." 
 
 " But you're in time for Clara's triumpliant cUhut in the new 
 ballet,'' said Lord Theophilus. 
 
 " I intended to be," quietly replied the Marquis. 
 
 " I should imagine," from the wreaths and bouquets I see 
 prepared," observed Sir George, " that flowers had considerably 
 risen in value." 
 
 " I have brought a few which will please her the most, I'd 
 venture long odds," replied the Marquis. 
 
 " No doubt, no doubt," rejoined Sir George, showing every 
 tooth within his capacity to exhibit. 
 
 "And where is this choice collection of exotics ?" inquired 
 Captain Mac. 
 
 " Here," returned our hero, taking from one of his waistcoat 
 pockets a dozen or so of withered daisies. The production 
 caused at first looks of surprise ; but after a few seconds for 
 the hatching of his wit, Sir George exclaimed, " By my honour 
 I'll be sworn ! they're the reminiscences of a delightfully quiet 
 day in a delicious country retreat." 
 
 " Ever thus, ever thus ! " ejaculated Lord Theophilus. " No 
 one stands a chance with ye." 
 
 "Chesterlane was frantic with hope," remarked Captain Mac. 
 
 
 I
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 125 
 
 " He dwells too long upon his hopes for his actions to be 
 successful," replied the Marquis. 
 
 " You're right," returned Sir George. '' In such matters men 
 should be quick, sudden, abrupt." 
 
 "Your experience has taught you this," added the captain. 
 
 " Yes," said Sir George. " Quickness of pursuit tends to 
 quiolcness of capture." 
 
 " Or to as positive a loss," replied the Marquis. " Where one 
 of the Sfi^x, so sweetly fair, is run down, a hundred are decoyed by 
 jjentle measures. 
 
 At this moment Clara, the goddess of the hour, came bound- 
 ing on the stage, amid a thousand plaudits, like a gambolling 
 antelope. 
 
 " Brava ! Bravlsdma ! " 
 
 Now she swept in rapid circles as if poised in air and sus- 
 pended by invisible thread. There was no exertion ; but as she 
 f^jated from right to left — now here, now there — nothing but a 
 body of less specific gravity than a spider's film could have 
 exceeded that swimming in the breathing clement. 
 
 Cheer awoke cheer, and doubled and redoubled the cnthu- 
 siastn on account of the successful efforts of the graceful Clara. 
 But the crowning one of all was yet to be displayed. Like a 
 bird rising perpendicularly from the ground, she lifted, rather 
 than sprung herself upwards, and then, as when stooping from 
 a towering height, she skimmed without an effort to the foot- 
 lights and rested motionless on the extreme ends of her toes, the 
 burst of applause and showers of wreaths and bouquets wave all 
 but sufficient, even in the exorbitant Clara's estimation, for her 
 exertions. 
 
 Panting, she bent to the admiring throng, and pressed the 
 collected mass of flowers to her heaving bosom, with smiles 
 portraying the flattered gratification that she felt. But Avhen 
 she turned to the omnibus box and saw the little cluster of dried 
 daisies thrown at her feet, Clara could not control her risible 
 muscles, and skipped away with a laugh that was distinctly heard 
 in the first row of the pit. 
 
 The companions of the Marquis enjoyed this joke amazingly, 
 and it was some i'cw minutes before any part of speech was 
 mingled with its chorus.
 
 126 d'horsay ; or, 
 
 " Has Cliestei'lane been liere to-night?" at length inquired the 
 Marquis. 
 
 *' Yes," replied Sir George. " He was here during the 
 opera." 
 
 " We are to meet him at Crocky's by-an'-by," said Lord 
 Theophilus. 
 
 " And in what way is he whiling away the time between this 
 and then ? " asked the Marquis. 
 
 " That is singularly doubtful," returned the captain. 
 
 " Did he not say?" 
 
 " No," replied Captain Mac. *' He made no confession to us." 
 
 " I'd bet a hundred — a cool, pleasant hundred," said Sir 
 George, "that he's behind, teaching the girls a few lessons con- 
 cernino; innocence." 
 
 " If I thought that," replied the Marquis, " I should be loth 
 to interrupt such a praiseworthy proceeding." 
 
 " Considering the plenitude of those they receive in the oppo- 
 site course of tuition," rejoined Sir George, " it would be, 
 indeed" — and the Baronet coughed, drew up the ends of his shirt 
 collar, and pressed a patch upon his favourite pimple — "an 
 interruption to a remarkable course," continued he, " of sim- 
 plicit}^ and purity which, for the singularity in the head of the 
 fountain, alone deserves and merits our non-interference to more 
 than a reasonable extent." 
 
 " Hear, hear !" cheered his larger shadow. Lord Theophilus . 
 
 " But I cannot deny myself the pleasure of witnessing the 
 progress of Tom's labours," returned the Marquis, " and there- 
 fore shall proceed to the scenes of his meritorious work." 
 
 " Do not leave us," said Captain Mac. " Really, in the name 
 of the public, I must intercede for your prolonged presence. 
 The leader of the world of ton is so chary of his countenance, 
 that " 
 
 " By my life it's against my will ! " replied the Marquis. 
 
 "Whatever may be the cause," rejoined the Captain, "the 
 effect is the same. We are in despair." 
 
 " Ha, ha ! " laughed our hero. " If such were really the 
 truth, and your imagination had no hand or help in varnishing 
 the statement, I should be in hopes of ' a liberty and annuity 
 fund.' "
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 127 
 
 " Capital ! " exclaimed Sir George, " The subscriptions would 
 be large, I am sure." 
 
 "If yoxi were to cap," replied our hero, "in the crush-room, 
 and Tom would mount his Spanish charger, and do a corre- 
 sponding friendly action in the park, I have no hesitation in 
 saying that my religious opinion concentrates itself into the 
 lozeoge of conviction that not only my debts could be paid in 
 full, but that a provision would be insured for the remainder of 
 my declining years." 
 
 " Don't, pray don't harrow my feelings with such pathos," 
 returoed Sir George, burying his highly-coloured cheeks in the 
 finest cambric handkerchief that ever dusted rouge. " I detest," 
 continued he, " the remotest allusion to declining years. It puts 
 one so forcibly in mind of fading and becoming ugly." 
 
 " But the truth, George, the truth," added the Marquis, 
 "should be, like our sins and transgressions, ever before us." 
 
 "By Beauty's door of glass ! " exclaimed Sir George, "if 
 that was our only mirror, how hideous would be the reflections." 
 
 " Come, come !" replied Lord Theophilus. '^What a set of 
 prosy dogs we are." 
 
 " I was just thinking so," replied the Marquis. ''And as I 
 always avoid prosy dogs, pardon my taking my leave. Adieu, 
 au 7-evoii'." 
 
 " Reste" replied Sir George. " You'll meet us at the club ? " 
 
 " I will," shortly rejoined the Marquis, leaving the box and 
 making his way behind the scenes with an intention of using his 
 privilege to visit, at his pleasure, the captivating Clara in her 
 dressing-room. Towards it he approached, with confidence in 
 his footstep, and giving a gentle tap at the door by way of an- 
 nouncement of his intended entrance, he was not a little sur- 
 prised to find the barrier locked and bolted. 
 
 '' Clara ! " said the Marquis in a subdued voice. " Clara, it 
 is only me." 
 
 " Mon Dieu ! " exclaimed a voice. 
 
 " Hush ! " whispered a second. 
 
 This was exceedingly mysterious, and so our hero thought. 
 
 " Clara," repeated the Marquis, " let the door be opened." 
 
 ** It is iraposseeble, mon cher ami,''^ replied Clara through the 
 keyhole. " I am disrobed." 
 
 " Faugh ! " exclaimed the Marquis, " that can be no reason."
 
 128 d'horsay ; or 
 
 "Return to de box," rejoined the gentle voice, "and come 
 here after de next pas de deuxr 
 
 " As you please," returned our hero, quitting the door, and 
 having a very strong supposition that there was a rehearsal in 
 private of the pas described. 
 
 " But the Marquis was no eavesdropper — no Paul Pry — and 
 he turned to leave the locality without the remotest intention of 
 either having his suspicions confirmed or dispelled. Chance, 
 however, decided to the contrary. 
 
 '^ Have you seen Chesterlane here ? " asked Sir George, 
 making his appearance as if forespent with speed. 
 
 " No," replied the Marquis. " He is not behind the scenes." 
 
 "The Countess wishes to speak to him immediately," rejoined 
 Sir George, " and the door-keeper says that he has not passed 
 out." 
 
 "And he spoke in strict accordance with the fact," returned 
 the object of their remarks, standing before them. 
 
 " I've been seeking you everywhere," said Sir George. " The 
 Countess desii-es to see you before she leaves, and she wishes to 
 leave directly." 
 
 " May I trespass upon your kindness to say that I'll attend 
 her with more than convenient speed," replied his lordship, 
 and away the bearer sped to convey, witli gallant haste, the 
 message. 
 
 " Where have you been hiding, Tom ? " inquired the Marquis. 
 
 " Mum ! " returned his friend, raising his finger to his lip. 
 
 " Eh ? " briefly exclaimed our hero, with a chaos of con- 
 flicting thoughts vibrating through his brain, and even his nether 
 lip trembled and twitched. 
 
 " May I never be baulked in a good intention again ! " 
 ejaculated the Earl, "but you're a disturber of a man's happiness 
 and peace." 
 
 " You, you, you " 
 
 " Yes I was," rejoined his friend. " Precisely so," continued 
 he ; " and for the future beware how you disturb a friend at his 
 devotions."
 
 THE FOLLIUS OF THE DAY. 129 
 
 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 To climb is tlie fixed purpose of fliat strano-cly formed and 
 forked y-inimal man, from tlie sweep to the first lord of the 
 treasuiy. Few, indeed, and there should be but few, who have 
 no goal to reach in the race of life, and when gained, but what 
 ai-e ready to girt their loins and to start anew. In the course, 
 however, there are many stumbling blocks, rolling stones, blind 
 holes, and pits, and when the leading competitor seems to be head- 
 ing the rut, sweeping in his wake, down he goes at one fell swoop, 
 and often the last is the first; for "the race is not to the swift." 
 
 Now it so happened that this metaphor applied with singidar 
 accuracy to a few intimate associates of Bosky Tom. Tliev, like 
 himself, were aspirants for fame — certainly of a quasi character — 
 and fortune by somewhat doubtful paths for distinction, and 
 qually uncertain in their net profits. Horse chanting, proprietor- 
 ships of pandemoniums, swindling, and corresponding means to an 
 end, have their drawbacks like other virtues. Among them may 
 be enumerated solitary imprisonment, transportation, and " months 
 at the mill." 
 
 The lion caters for the jackal, the shark for the pilot fish, Ihe 
 debtor for the lawyer, and the hell-keeper, not unfi-equently, has to 
 throw a sop to the informer. Tiiis last mentioned Inmgry animal 
 is occasionally so voracious for his unbounded stomach, that it 
 becomes a matter of expculiency to refuse his demand for his 
 gaping and distended j'aws, and to defy his malice rather than to 
 jiurchase his good will at such a high and extravagant premium. 
 Such had been the policy of Messrs Bosky Tom and Co. with an 
 information lately laid against the thriving establishment of tlie 
 Strangers. Tlie result was, that the partners found themselves, 
 one remarkably fine morning, standing clieck-by-jowl, in a small 
 division of a court in the vicinily of the Old Buih'y, an-aigned ioi- 
 keeping a common — "common, ye Gods !" thoughl ]^)sky Tom — 
 gaminghouse. By sonic hackle or higgle, ((iiirk <))■ (jiiiliMo, by
 
 130 p'horsay ; on, 
 
 which the law has become so remarkably popular for its uncertainty, 
 Bosky Tom was discovered innocent of the soft impeachment, and 
 escaped scot free. Not so, however, his amiable partner enjoying 
 the patronymic of " Bloaty." Whether this distinction was gained 
 from his plethoric habit, or the redundance of self-importance, 
 which made itself perceptible in every move and gesture of his 
 person, let it be never so trivial, remains a matter as undiscovered 
 as the utility of Captain Ross's expedition to where the north pole 
 ought to have been ; but it is suiRcient for our records that 
 '' Bloaty " was his name. 
 
 Bloaty's back was scarcely less broad than that of the far-famed 
 Daniel Lambert, and was well constructed for the pressure of sins 
 and charges. Like a porter's knot, they found a pedestal strong 
 and sturdy, and when an enlightened jury stigmatized him with 
 the guilt of " keeping a common gaming-house," Bloaty shook 
 his shoulders with the ease that a maid would trundle a mop, and 
 seemed to regard the verdict as if it possessed the specific gi'avity 
 only of a piece of thistle-down. The sentence quickly followed 
 the unanimous "guilty," and this was a total abstinence from 
 horse-exercise in Hyde-park, or a saunter in Bond-street, with a 
 strict regimen upon gruel, soup, and periodical treats of butchers' 
 meat, and a temporary sojourn in Coldbath fields. 
 
 "It's a beautifnl day," soliloquized Bosky Tom, the morning 
 after his escape from partici^Dating in the drawbacks of the esta- 
 blishment now being endured by his partner, " and so I'll take a 
 drive over and see how Bloaty feels in his new quarters." " Upon 
 my life," continued he, " if they keep him as they did me in similar 
 circumstances, what a skeleton he'll become. He'll miss his wine 
 — his port wine — dreadfully." 
 
 At the conclusion of this remark Bosky Tom rang the bell and 
 ordered the servant answering the summons "to desire Jim to 
 bring round " 
 
 "The saddle oss, sir?" inquired the obsequious flunky. 
 
 " I think not," replied his master, scratching the tip of his nose 
 n doubtful decision. 
 
 " The buggy, sir ?" 
 
 " Humph !" rejoined Bosky Tom, surveying with pride the 
 faultless shape of his pump-soled patent boots. " I think not," he 
 continued, still hesitating upon the form of his conveyance.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE BAY. 131 
 
 "Cab, sir?" again asked the servant; for he knew that his mas- 
 ter was well pleased to hear the various equipages that he owned 
 enumerated. 
 
 " No," returned Bosky Tom, drawing from a pocket a highly 
 scented handkerchief, and dusting a speck from liis finished hoot, 
 " I'll have the phaeton." 
 
 ",Very good, sir," added the flunky, and away he hastened to 
 fulfil the order. 
 
 In a few minutes — for, like all great men, Bosky Tom had no 
 patience to wait — his dashing phaeton was at the door, and scarcely 
 had Jhe high-conditioned horses time to paw their fretfulness, 
 when they were spanking along towards the drearj-^ abode of 
 Bloaty. 
 
 Communications witli visitors to prisoners of the general order 
 are greatly impeded and rendered far from being so pleasant and 
 confidential as they otherwise might be, from a double barrier of 
 stiff iron-work separating them, while a turnkey sits or stands, in 
 accordance with liis inclination, as a kind of Cerberus, in the un- 
 occupied space. But Bosky Tom was not a common visitor; 
 neither was Bloaty one of the common order of prisoners. Both 
 possessed the wherewithal to command tlie respect even of turn- 
 keys, and such like professional underlings of the law who«e sym- 
 pathies are remarkably dull and difficult to awaken. 
 
 With a golden key Bosky Tom essayed to unlock the small store 
 of civility in the secure keeping of the official answering his sum- 
 mons at the outer gate, and the attempt proving eminently suc- 
 cessful, the same means were repeated, and without let, check, or 
 stop, he soon found himself in the small white-washed cell con- 
 taining the person of the desponding Bloaty. 
 
 Oh, Avhat a falling off was there ! Where Avere now Bloaty 's 
 gibes and jeers? Where the self-important aii- and bearing? 
 Where the roll, the swagger, and the strut? All, all had passed 
 and gone, like the baseless fabric of a vision. There he sat upon 
 the edge of his iron bedstead, dressed in that sombre liveiy of the 
 culprit so disparaging to the appearance of the wearer, with his 
 chubby face buried between his chuoby hands, and groaning 
 inwardly in the spirit. 
 
 " What, my heart of oak !" hallooed his visitor, " jiow are 
 ye?"
 
 132 p'liORSAv; OR, 
 
 *'0h, Tom !" I'f'pliod the unhappy prisoner, "I'm very glad to 
 
 see ye ; very glad." 
 
 " Why you look a little down upon your luck," rejoined Bosky 
 
 Tom. 
 
 *' Down !" repeated Bloaty, turning hiss eyes upwards with the 
 
 air of a martyr, " I little thought what it was to be lagged in such 
 
 a place as this." 
 
 " Keep up your spirits, old chap," returned his partner, " your 
 }ime will be nicely up for the Doncaster meeting." 
 
 " I shall never come out except as suet," added Bloaty, becom- 
 ing more sentimental momentarily, " unless I'm allowed my daily 
 whack of port wine." 
 
 " It's against the rules, sir," replied the turnkey, " unless you 
 get upon the sick list of the infirmary." 
 
 " But I a?/i sick," rejoined Bloaty; "heartily sick," continued 
 he; " sick at heart, and particularly sick at the stomach." 
 
 " I'm afraid our doctor wouldn't pass you," observed the 
 turnkey. 
 
 " So am I," returned the prisoner, " and that's the worst part of 
 the business. If I could only get invalided, and might lie a-])ed 
 ns much as I liked, with a fair allowance of port wine and good 
 soup, the time might pass rather agreeable than otherwise." 
 
 " Couldn't you manage to let him have a few glasses on the sly 
 now and then ?" inquired Bosky Tom ; "we'd tip for it liberally." 
 
 " If the gentleman wouldn't mind drinking it out of a pewter- 
 pot," replied the turnkey, "perhaps it might be managed." 
 
 "I'd drink it out of any pot," rejoined Bloaty, " of any kind, 
 size, or sort." 
 
 " There, my old grim and doleful," returned his visitor, " now 
 you'll sing comic songs, I expect." 
 
 " I shall feel more resigned certainly," said the prisoner, in a 
 manner refreshed. " But tell me," he continued, changing the 
 subject, " did the bank get a good pull last night ?" 
 
 " A famous one," replied Bosky Tom. A couple of nice 
 fresh })igeons dropped in like very shy birds ; but we nursed 'em 
 tenderly, and so gently, that every feather was drawn with the 
 same skill that a celebrated tooth-drawer once displayed." 
 
 " How was that ?" asked Bloaty. 
 
 " He drew every grinder out of a chap's jaws," responded his
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 133 
 
 partner, " with so much comfort that he asked when he -was going 
 to begin/' 
 
 " Ha, ha, ha," laughed Bloaty, " and that was the way you eased 
 the greenhorns, eh ?" 
 
 '* Yes," said his visitor, " they were phi eked clean quite unawares." 
 
 " To what melody ?" inquired Bloaty. 
 
 " To the tune of five cool hundreds," replied his visitor. 
 
 " And very neat profits, too," rejoined the prisoner. " It would 
 have done my digestive organs service to liave witnessed the pull- 
 ing in of the swag; but here I was," continued he, "moping like a 
 toad in a well." 
 
 " But the time will soon pass," returned Bosky Tom. " Keep 
 up your steam." 
 
 " I can now," added Bloaty. " Port Avine's a wonderful fan to 
 my pluck." 
 
 " I shall come and see ye very often," said Bosky Tom, giving 
 his partner a squeeze of the hand. 
 "*" Ay," replied Bloaty, " I expect ye to do that. Remember , 
 I am suffering for the firm, hke a partner does now and then in 
 other establishments, by taking upon himself the I'esponsibilities 
 and white-Avashing his mates." 
 
 " It shall not be forgotten," rejoined his visitor, " and now, 
 good bye." 
 
 Upon Bosky Tom's taking his departure from the cell, he re- 
 quested the turnkey to shew him the treadmill — perhaps old asso- 
 ciations dictated the desire. 
 
 Scarcely had he entered the court wherein the mill Avas behig 
 turned by a gang of climbing but never rising sinners, wlicn his 
 eye fell upon a familiar form. Sadly changed, sadly altered was, 
 indeed, the outward and the inward man of Knowing Harry; but 
 there he stepped, in measured tread, a victim in his own conceit. 
 
 Bosky Tom was not in any way astonished at the ])09ition his 
 quondam friend now occupied in society ; but the sight was unex 
 pectcd, and lor a few moments he remained watching the progress 
 of his laboui's at tlie mill in silence. 
 
 At length he inquired whether " he could speak to the man 
 working third from the end nearest to him." 
 
 "He '11 come oft' directly," replied the turnkey, " and then you 
 may say a few words to hiuj, but not many. The silent system's 
 adopted here."
 
 134 d'horsay ; or, 
 
 " I'll not occupy a minute," rejoined Bosky Tom. 
 
 Upon the descent of Knowing Harry, he started with surprise 
 to see his more fortunate and successful acquaintance approaching 
 him. 
 
 " Why, what's this about, eh V inquired he. " I never heard 
 of your lodgings here." 
 
 " Ah, Tom !" sighed Knowing Hariy. " My hopes are all 
 cat^s meat." 
 
 " So we often think when down upon our luck," replied Bosky 
 Tom, with the charitable intention of offering consolation to the 
 afflicted. 
 
 " I never expected this return for a hard-spent life," whimpered 
 the prostrate Harry. 
 
 " Never say die," rejoined Bosky Tom. " What brought you 
 here?" 
 
 " Misplaced confidence," replied Knowing Harry. 
 
 " What do you mean ?" returned Bosky Tom. " Your patter 
 is too fine for me." 
 
 " A pal peached," added Knowing Harry, in a tone of lamen- 
 tation. " We were doing a nice little snug trade in the endeavour 
 to ease a chap of his superfluous property, which the beaks have 
 since called swindling, when a pal, who wasn't exactly satisfied 
 with his share of the swag, blcAV the gaff, and here lam." 
 
 " Well !" said his friend, " what can't be avoided must be 
 endured. But take a piece of advice from me — I'll give it ye, 
 although I once got a good premium for it." 
 
 " What's that?" asked Knowing Harry. 
 
 " Take the side," replied his visitor, pointing to the mill, " take 
 the side," repeated he, " ?iext the wall." 
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 " It becomes now," said the Marquis D'Horsay, communing with 
 himself in thee dead hour of a soft and stilly night, when repose 
 was courting the eyelids of his bootblack, and yet denied him the 
 solace of his poppy syrup, " it becomes now a question of what I 
 am to do. To be or not to be doesn't, in my case, appear to be 
 the alternative. I 7nust be in some form, shape, or condition. A
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 135 
 
 Smith, a Johnson, a Snooks, or a common order of circumstances 
 bearmg a similar want of identity in the throng, can see his name 
 in print under Police reports, Insolvent Debtor's Court, Outlawry, 
 and such like damping heads to interesting details and paragraphs, 
 without a blush for the effect. He knows that, like a speck of 
 soot from a blazing chimney, it will be lost in the density of the 
 smoke before an eye can detect its whereabout. But it is a very 
 different affair with one who, let him seek a crannv in anvof the 
 four corners of the earth, and yet the detecting eye of curiosity 
 shall discover his refuge. " Yes," continued the Marquis, " it 
 was the desire of my life in its commencement to become distin- 
 guished. With this end in view I thought of nothing but the 
 means of its attainment, no matter at what sacrifice. Talents — 
 yes, and it's no vanity to say or to think so — were sacrificed 
 to imworthy purposes, and now in the hour of need I feel and 
 know that they have been sacrificed. To dazzle was my object, 
 not to command respect ; and thus, when no longer capable of 
 flatting in my paint (Heaven is witness how abruptly truth will 
 out upon occasions !) and tinsel, admiration is turned into con- 
 tempt, and where one laments my downfall a thousand makes it a 
 subject of exultation." 
 
 These were bitter reflections for the Marquis D'Horsay ; but 
 still he seemed to be in no way disposed to cast them from his 
 thoughts. 
 
 " And now," continued he, " when I would turn to any barren 
 spot for seclusion, not one presents itself for a haven of rest. Let 
 me go where I Avill, ' that's him' would ring in my ears. New 
 Zealand, Van Diemen's Land, and the back woods of America 
 even afford no hope of retreat. I would escape from myself, like 
 one frightened at his own shadow, and yet go where I will the 
 phantom must follow. " Distinction, I hate ye !" exclaimed our 
 hero springing from his chair withmelo-dramatic effect, and, as the 
 lamp burned dimly upon the table, the whole scene was particularly 
 striking. 
 
 " With what care," continued the Marquis, pacing up and down 
 the apartment, " some men beget their own miseries, and I'm a 
 miserable example of the fruitless labourer. My resources 
 exhausted to the last sixpence, my friends wearied of patching up 
 a tumljling credit, and now dependent, entirely dependent, on the 
 generosity of one who has greater cause than all or any to be tired
 
 1:36 d'horsay ; oR, 
 
 of the ceaseless drag upon lier purse and patience. And yet there 
 seems to be no remedy. With numbers it is a matter of policy to 
 undergo a temporary inconvenience and trouble for some ultimate 
 benefit. Thus they submit with resignation to prying examina- 
 tions into their pecuniary matters, and summon their fortitude to 
 bear with the gibes, jeers, and sneers of the victimized, and, if 
 necessary for the ends of their revenge, to the doing of penance 
 behind a screen of bricks and mortar. But in my case there is no 
 
 such object in view. If I could " and the Marquis shook 
 
 his head, and his lip curled as if something extremely nauseous 
 had touched his jialate, — " if I could," repeated he, " make up my 
 mind to pass through the ho't and fiery ordeal, I should be in no 
 way improved in my condition. I have no occupation or pursuit 
 to follow, or be allowed to follow, with advantage like other men. 
 No useful means to apply ; but, like a fractured mirror, or an 
 unstrung harp, or a dried fountain, or any thing else of a similar 
 ornamental construction bereft of its attraction, I'm no longer 
 worthy of attention or notice. Confusion's in the thought !" 
 
 At this moment there was a slight tap at the window, as if a 
 pebble had been jerked against it. 
 
 The Marquis started at the sound, and threw open the casement ; 
 but though the moon was shining brightly, and rendered every- 
 thing clear for a long distance around, no one was visible within 
 hail but a solitary policeman. 
 
 Supposing it to have been but the rustle of a leaf, our hero 
 closed the window again, and resumed his spiritless cogitations. 
 
 " Here I am," continued he, " immured, for aught I can see, 
 for the remainder of my life, unless dragged to some vile hole 
 when stealing a few gasps of wholesome air without. And for 
 what ? I've had my fun, it is true ; but am I not paying much 
 too dearly for it ? Yes, pay-day has arrived, and \^■ith its fright- 
 ful reality." 
 
 Again the sound was repeated at the windoAv, and as the Mar- 
 quis hastened to learn the cause, he heard his name whispered 
 softly from behind, and upon turning, he saw the mysterious form 
 of the Emperor in the doorway." 
 
 " What, Asmodeus !" exclaimed the Marquis, " how came you 
 here, and for what, in this dull hour of the night?" 
 
 " Say, rather the earliest one of the morning, Marquis," replied 
 the Emperor.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 
 
 137 
 
 "Well! no matter the time," rejoined our hero. "Yourpur- 
 posei" 
 
 " To warn ye of danger," returned the Emperor. 
 
 " To Avarn " 
 
 A tliird sound, sharper than the foregoing, rattled against the 
 panes, and cut short the exclamation of the Marquis. 
 
 " Stop," said the Emperor, catching him by the arm, as with a 
 gesture of impatience, the Marrpiis once more hastened towards 
 the window. 
 
 " Why ?" briefly inquired he. 
 
 " If you open that again," re{)lied the Emperor slowly, " this 
 room Avill be occupied by more than the present company." 
 
 " You must be mistaken," rejoined the Marquis. " The window 
 is eiorhteen feet from the o-round." 
 
 " But a light ladder, and that height is easily scaled," returned 
 the Emperor. 
 
 " Tell me what you mean ?" added the Marcjuis. 
 *• " Shallow is so enraged at not being able to reacli ye," replied his 
 visitor, " that, as a last resource, he determined to endeavour to find 
 an entrance himself to-night, bribing me to acconqiany and assist 
 Jiim in the adventure. TJie two iirst stones I jerked against the 
 glass to let us know whether you were up, or had only left the light 
 burnine:; but the third Avas his summons." 
 
 ** Where does he think i/ou are ?" asked the Marquis. 
 " Close at hand," responded the Emperor ; " but I suggested 
 his making the climb bv himself in order that I mitj-ht have a 
 
 chance of comniunicating his design, and " 
 
 "What?" said the Marquis. 
 
 " Touching the reward for my faithful services," replied the 
 Emperor, extending an opened hand. 
 
 " And you shall have it," rejoined tlie Marquis, giving him a 
 pinch of gold from a corner of his waistcoat pocket, "and so shall 
 Shallow," continued he ; " but in a very diH'erent form." 
 " He deserves to be paid off," returned the Emperor. 
 " It must be done (piickly," added the Marquis thoughtfully, 
 " and I am at a loss for practical jokes." 
 
 " Egad !" exclaimed the Emperor, " I'll go and inform the 
 nearest policeman that I saw two men scale the garden wall, and 
 think they're housebreakers."
 
 138 d'horsay; or, 
 
 " A good thought," replied the Marquis. " It will be a famous 
 reprisal to lock Shallow up. He has been the cause of so many 
 losing their liberty." 
 
 " Ay, one night in the station-house will do him a service," re- 
 joined the Emperor. 
 
 " Be quick," returned the Marquis, as another pebble was 
 jerked against the window, " for he seems to be in a hurry." 
 
 '* I'll soon return," added the Emperor, leaving for the purpose 
 of foiling one who had so often foiled the purposes of others. 
 
 '■'■ That it should come to this !" soliloquised the Marquis. 
 " Great heaven ! who would take the pains of getting into debt to 
 be thus hunted, driven, and persecuted ? Even now, in the depth 
 of the night, to feel no security for a moment's peace or freedom." 
 
 '■'■ Hilloa, there !" cried a gruff voice, " what are ye about .'" 
 
 " I'm only" — and then there was a scuffle, and the noise of the 
 fall of a heavy body. 
 
 ^' Oh ! oh ! oh I" 
 
 Whir-r-r, whir-r-r-r, went a rattle j clamp, clamp, clamp, fol- 
 lowed some heavy footsteps, and then voices were mingled, chal- 
 lenging each other. 
 
 " I'm a gentleman," gasped some one in a dismal tone, *' I'm 
 a gentleman by act of parliament, third and fourth of George he 
 Second, chapter the sixth, I think it is." 
 
 " Grab his tools, Bill," returned another. " I dare say you'll 
 find a Jemmy " 
 
 *' I'm a Sammy," interrupted the distressed. " Mrs S. at least," 
 continued he, " calls mc by that familar and endearing name." 
 
 "What's this noise about?" inquired the Marquis, throwing 
 open the window with confidence. "What this noise about ?' re- 
 peated he. 
 
 " A plant to break into your house, sir," replied a policeman, 
 holding Samuel Shallow by the collar of his coat. 
 
 " Indeed !" exclaimed the Marquis, with well-feignedsurpi se. 
 
 " No, no, no," replied the discomfited limb and pillar of the law, 
 for the first time in his lite appealing to the kindly feeling of his 
 debtor. "It's me. Marquis, Samuel Shallow, of Henrietta 
 street, Covent garden." 
 
 " If that be the truth," rejoined the Marquis, " a greater thief 
 was never captured."
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 139 
 
 " I never heard of him before," returned the policeman, " al- 
 though I have of Jack Sheppard." " Will you please to come 
 to the station-house with us," added a second otficial, " to prefer 
 the charge? " " I prefer remaining where I am," said the Mar- 
 quis, " until the morning. This is no time to prefer charges or 
 any other kind of occupation to sleep." 
 
 *' We're seen enough for our inspector to detain him, sir, till 
 then." 
 
 "Detain me!" exclaimed Mr Samuel Shallow, aghast with 
 horror.' '' What will Mrs. S. say for the loss of her Sammy ?" 
 
 " Damn her Sam," replied a rough instrument of the strong 
 arm of the law. " Who cares for Sams, I should like to know ?" 
 " But my dear Marquis," petitioned the unhai)py bill-discount- 
 ing limb of legal robbery, " do explain the mistake under which 
 these respectable individuals are labouring." 
 
 " Pooh, pooh !" replied the Marquis, *' off with him, con- 
 stables." 
 
 "^' Come along," growled a functionary, *' it's no use chaffing 
 here." 
 
 " But I'm a gentleman," expostulated Samuel, hanging back 
 with involuntary reluctance, and permitting his coat collar to be 
 dragged over his ears. 
 
 "One of the heavy weights in the light-lingered gentry, 1 
 expected," returned the policeman. 
 
 " Oh, worthy officer !" exclaimed Mr Shallow, " listen to me, 
 and don't chill my prospects of a night's comfort." 
 
 " One would think you were a Methodist parson chirping," 
 added the official. " Come along." 
 
 "What will Mrs S. think?" ejaculated the captive. "I'm 
 caught in my own trammels." 
 
 "You'll attend, sir, at the station by eight o'clock," said one ol 
 the officers, 
 
 " Yes, yes," replied tlie Marquis, " I'll be there in time." 
 " Oh, Marquis !" exclaimed the prisoner, " this is a sad addi- 
 tion to money out of pocket, let alone the pull of dead interest." 
 
 " Dead what ?" said the constable, holding him in an iron gripe, 
 as he conducted him from the vicinity. 
 
 "Interest," replied Mr Shallow, with the innocence of one who 
 had never calculated its coni])Ound fractions, " interest, Mr 
 Policeman."
 
 140 d'hobsay ; oil 
 
 " He must have had a pal," remarked a brother in ariiis, 
 shouldering the ladder, and following in their footstejw. 
 
 " Yes," replied the captive quiekly, " I fbi-got the Emperor. 
 He'll explain the state of affairs. Emperor, Emperor!" 
 
 " I tell ye what it is, my pip/' returned the officer, undeitaking 
 the duty of his safe custody, " unless you keep a quiet tongue in 
 your head, I'll ram my fist down you throat. Neighbourhoods 
 mustn't be disturbed." 
 
 "I'm dumb," added Mr Shallow, with politic philosophy, and 
 yielding himself with forbearance to the mercies of his mistaken 
 captors. 
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 Very great persons have their levees. Her Majesty — long live 
 the Queen '.-—has her Wednesday assemblies of the order thus 
 termed, and so has the Speaker — or, more properly speaking, the 
 most silent officer'within the noisy, turbulent walls of the plebeian 
 representatives of the third and democratic state. Singers and 
 opera dancers, too, have their levees, with all the state of princes of 
 the blood, and a shade more imposing, if there be a difference. 
 
 And would it be in keeping with her state that the triumphant 
 Clara should not be thus attended even in her &ow(/o«r and closet 
 by the adulating throng. No, no. There are hours for public 
 adoration and private worship by the code of all successful divi- 
 nities of the ballet corps, and as times and seasons must be ob- 
 served by the proselytes of the goddesses described as by those of 
 constellations of a lesser magnitude, Clara ever found herself the 
 focus of a circle wherein the maijic centre Avas within her own 
 power and especial keeping. 
 
 It was a pretty, very pretty room. Stealing through a phalanx 
 of choice flow^ers, the curtained siinshine came struggling through 
 and reflected many a bright ray upon vase and mirror and choice 
 trifle, gem, and article o^vertu. 
 
 Before a speckless glass giving the complete form and plastic 
 figure of the faultless Clara, upon a corner of which a well-fed 
 cupid pointed significantly to the polished surface, she stood with 
 a finger upon her lip telegraphing to Momus. Silence — enchanting, 
 entrancing silence — was illustrated from the point of her pointed
 
 I
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 141 
 
 toes to the clierry lip on M-hich her fing-ev was crossed in eloquence 
 truly 'niute, and yet no less eloquent from its silence. 
 
 " Beautiful !" exclaimed the Earl of Chesterlanc. " Beautiful ! 
 May I never know what it is to see the red and purple a neck in 
 front at the winning-post again ; but the Saracen's Head would be 
 in love with ye !" 
 
 The Earl little tliought of the cause of the divinity's enchanting 
 attitude ; but if he had turned reynard's look from the corner of his 
 eyes, or had peeped in the face of the polished surface of the glass, 
 he would have learned a lesson from that iron-bound volume, edited 
 by experience, which a long series of years had failed to inculcate. 
 The Earl had no guise, none whatever; he regarded an optical 
 delusion as a thiiitr of fact and truth, and believed all men and 
 all thino-s beino: as they seemed to be. The addition that he was 
 continually surprised at the failure of his hopes can be no more 
 remarkable than the prostration of the lofty ideas of the proprietors 
 of the aerial machine, who, having inflated themselves beyond the 
 bcftirinn- of the nressure of the remarkable powers of the gullibility 
 of the public with the corresponding " windy nothing," found 
 practical demonstration fir more diflicult than the easy designs of 
 architectural theories. Quick as thought, and, perhaps, a few 
 shades quicker, the Marquis D'Horsay receded and ol)eyed the 
 electrical telegraph of the gentle Clara by causing no more noise 
 than would have raised the eyelids of a watchful mouse. 
 
 "Have you been to church?" inquired Clara, lifting her leg 
 some few feet above her head before the mirror, and standing as 
 motionless as a piece of sculptured statuary. 
 
 " Oh, yes," replied the Earl, " to be sure I have." 
 
 " Dis morning ?" 
 
 " This morning I" repeated his lordship, in surprise, " God bless 
 my soul, no !" 
 
 "When den?" rejoined his fair inquisitor. 
 
 " When I was married was the last occasion," returned her 
 companion, " aiid as far as my memory serves nie, the event of 
 my christening was the one preceding." 
 
 "Then you shall go dis afternoon," added Clara. 
 
 "To church !" exclaimed the Earl. " My dear girl, you must 
 be mad."
 
 142 d'horsay; oh, 
 
 " Did you not promise to obey my wishes ?" said Clara, skip- 
 ping before tlie glass. 
 
 " In all unreasonable matters," replied his lordship, " Ave are 
 bound to yield to every caprice, whim, and folly, from charming 
 woman ; but when she becomes a creature of common sense, rebel- 
 lion becomes indispensable." 
 
 " But you should pay yoiir devotions " 
 
 " I am paying them," interrupted the Eai'l, rising from his chair 
 and catchino; the butterfly of his admiration in his embrace. 
 "With credit ?" archly said the winning Clara. 
 "And with promises," returned his lordship, "a mode," conti- 
 nued he, " not at all singular in the present day for the defraying 
 of costs and charges." 
 
 "Well, well !" added Clara. "To de church or not as in ac- 
 cordance with your inclination. But you must leave me now." 
 
 " Nay, nay," expostulated her companion, " I have come to re- 
 main the afternoon — until, at least, the park is full." 
 " But I would be alone, milor" returned she. 
 "It's the sacrifice of time," added the Earl, "for you to be 
 alone." 
 
 " Now, go," said Clara, in a truly coaxing and irresistible man- 
 ner, I am so fatigue, and must rest myself." 
 
 " I'll watch while you rest, and be as quiet as that alabaster 
 figure of yourself," replied his lordship. 
 " It is not me," rejoined Clara. 
 
 " If not by design," returned the Earl, " the likeness is striking 
 by accident." 
 
 "You flatterer!" added his fair companion. "It is Venus." 
 "Then the marvel is no longer strange," said his lordship, "for 
 beauty will resemble beauty." 
 
 " 'Tis very pretty to hear you talk sometimes," replied Clara j 
 " but now I cannot listen longer. You will go like a good boy." 
 " If you are imperative," rejoined the Earl. 
 "My M'ill is ever so," returned Clara. 
 
 "Then au revorr," added his lordship. "I take my leave of 
 you." 
 
 " And dere is nothing you could take from me that I would 
 more willing part with," replied the coquettish Clara. But it
 
 THE FOLLIES OP THE DAY, 143 
 
 must be mentioned here that it was not witliin the hearino- of the 
 Earl." He had taken liis departure. 
 
 " By my honour, Clara !" exclaimed the Marquis D'Horsay, 
 entering the room somewhat abni23tly, "this is too bad. You 
 know how extremely limited are the opportunities I have to call 
 upon ye, and yet " 
 
 '',Do not be angry," interrupted Clara. " I got rid of him as 
 expeditiously as pos-5e^ble.^' 
 
 " Butjie should not have been allowed to come to-day," rejoined 
 our hero. " Sundays ought to be considered my exclusives." 
 
 " He was so extremely pressing to be permitted to see me dis 
 morning," returned Clara, "that I knew not how to refuse after 
 so much generosity" 
 
 " Anything that I have not heard of?" inquired the Marquis. 
 
 "Yes," replied she, exultingly. 
 
 " Diamonds, pearls, or gold ?" 
 
 "Neither," responded Clara; "but a magnificent service of 
 silver." 
 
 " Silver," repeated our hero, " T wonder where Tom got it from. 
 I thought that the jewellers and the silversmiths were long since 
 exhausted." 
 
 " It's de family plate melted in de new foi'm," replied Clara. 
 " It was old and ugly he say ; but now it is marpiifiqueJ' 
 
 " For such liberality," rejoined our hero, " T think you were 
 justified in giving him admittance to my exclusion. Everything 
 has its price." 
 
 " It grieve me to keep my handsome pet waiting though," 
 returned Clara, endearingly. 
 
 " It certainly is a great drag upon the powers of patience and 
 endurance to stand behind a door waiting for the departure of your 
 rival," added the Maiquis. 
 
 " Not a rival," added Clara. 
 
 "Well! not exactly," replied the Marquis; "but still near 
 enough to create unpleasant associations." 
 
 " De heart and de pocket are two ver different emotions," ob- 
 served his companion. 
 
 " And but seldom are united," replied our hero. 
 
 " No," rejoined Clara, " that is quite true. And therefore it 
 becomes necessaiy to enjoy them apart." 
 
 " Let us endeavour to forget the dictates of such necessity,"
 
 144 d'hobsay; on, 
 
 returned our hero "Tell me," he continued, "did you cveate a 
 sensation last night ?'' 
 
 " Beyond my hope," replied she enthusiastically. " De whole 
 house thundered with applause." 
 
 *•' Wreaths as usual, I suppose ?" 
 
 " Yes," responded Clara, cuvling her lip with something like 
 disdain ; " but every one have de flowers now. Tliey are rpiite 
 common." 
 
 " And therefore have lost their charm ?" 
 
 " Yes," she replied, " dat which is common I never prize, and 
 dat which is rare is always treasured by me." 
 
 " Not an isolated taste, I believe," rejoined our hero. 
 
 " Perhaps it may be de cause of my loving you so much, inon cher 
 Marquis," returned Clara, in her most winning manner. 
 
 "Who taught you the art of complimenting ?" he inquired with 
 a laugh. 
 
 " I'm paid so many," replied Clara, "dat I must e'en give some 
 away for the sake of charity." 
 
 " I wish that I could have witnessed your ti'iumph," said the 
 Marquis. 
 
 " Your absence disappointed me sadly," replied his companion. 
 " Why were you not in de omnibus box in time for de ballet?" 
 continued she. 
 
 " An engagement prevented." 
 
 " An engagement !" repeated Clara, knitting her brow. 
 
 " Come, come," returned the Marquis, " no jealousy, sweet 
 Clara." 
 
 " Indeed, I think an explanation is my due." 
 
 " You shall have it," and, placing his lips to her mouth, he 
 whispered a few words that seemed to create no small degree of 
 merriment to the listener and to the narrator; but it was well that 
 a third ear was not within reach of the suppressed voice.
 
 THE FOLLIBS OF THE DAY. 145 
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 f 
 
 Among the means so diversified in their application for acquiring 
 the ready possessions of those who can afford, or are supposed to 
 be capable of affording, to part with some of tlie circulating 
 medium to tlie advantage of others, viinus of the great means to 
 " live and let live," none aie more certain than the manoeuvres 
 over a billiard table. Among tlie fair appliances, if fair they can 
 be called, by the professed handler of the cue, is the hiding and 
 suiting his skill to the play of his inexperienced or unsuspecting 
 opponent. It would not suit his purpose to beat him hollow, and 
 thn^ frighten iiim from continuing to play. He wins, like a clever 
 jockey, by half a head, a head, or a neck at most, and thus keeps 
 the pot boiling in a gentle simmer. Another secure mode is for a 
 couple of artists to take opposite sides in a double match, and to 
 win or lose and to lose or win alternately or consecutively, first 
 this way and then that, as it may best suit their united and several 
 interests. But then it may be said that a gentleman, or flat, or 
 pigeon, be he as skilful as the leg, sharper, or swindler, and both 
 equally acquainted with the strength of the table, would, never- 
 theless, be fairly pitted in a single match, as each would entirely 
 rest upon his dexterity. Seldom, Indeed, will a sharp play unless 
 he has a good strong pull in his favour ; and when he appears to 
 have the least, he may, and in all probability will, have a most 
 definitive one. There is scarcely a public billiard room in London 
 but possesses one or more hangers-on I'eady, and always watching, 
 for an opportunity to make a match, or get up a game of pool. 
 Thesf men live, and live only by these meaiis ; and, in addition 
 to the great advantages they must naturally have in constantly 
 playing over the same table, there is not a fair ylayer on earth, let 
 him be never so excellent, but they can overreach and beat iu 
 the long run. There are plans for all kinds and every sort, and 
 to enumerate them would consume a huge volume : but for a 
 proof of our context.
 
 146 n'noRSAY ; or, 
 
 Not one establisliment, for aught we know, is worse than 
 another : a selection, however, must be made for our purpose, 
 and thus we wing our shaft to the head of the gigantic butt. 
 
 Mr Prate had fattened on billiards. For years he had been 
 both an active and sleeping partner in a flourishing concern in 
 the neighbourhood of Cork street. Wide awake where his 
 interests were concerned, and, figuratively speaking, asleep as far 
 as appearing as a participator and sharer of the profits. But the 
 most vicious, as well as the most virtuous, will fall out wlien their 
 welfare becomes the bone of contention. As the immortal bard 
 says,— 
 
 " Friends now fast sworn, 
 
 Whose double bosoms seem to wear one heart, 
 
 Whose hours, whose bed, wliose meal, and exercise. 
 
 Are still together, who twin, as 'twere, in love 
 
 Unseparable, shall, within this hour. 
 
 On a dissension of a doit, break out ^ 
 
 To bitterest enmity." 
 
 "What it was the world has never known ; but true it is, and 
 we can venture to add that there is no pity whatever in the case, 
 the long-established firm dissolved partnership. Mr Prate, the 
 out-going partner, to set up a new concern, solus cum dign'date, 
 and his less happy sharer of the spoils to wade through the intri- 
 cacies of a certain court in the vicinity of Basinghall street. 
 
 From some under-current motives, of which we are in the dark, 
 the celebrated hangers-on flew from the old house and joined the 
 new ; and with a fine, fat, and plump pigeon in the trap, here 
 we find them. 
 
 It was early, and what may be correctly called the cool of the 
 evening, when the proprietor of the newly-sprung and fresh- 
 I'ooted establishment was luxuriating upon a raised and stuffed 
 seat in the shape of a sofa, cogitating upon his expectations. 
 Reclining at his feet was the white-neckerchiefed individual 
 addressed by the Queen of the Chase as " Ginger." Both 
 were puffing, in a gentle, dreamy mood, a couple of fragrant 
 havannahs, and neither appeared disposed to break the reigning 
 silence. 
 
 It Avas a nice time for contemplation. They had just dined 
 upon the net returns of a good pool equally divided, and neither 
 the proprietor nor tlio lianger-on were men to stint their appetifes.
 
 TIIK FOLLIES OF THE UAY. 
 
 147 
 
 The Ibniier showed the full condition of ?trovi^ digestive action, 
 and {ilenty of material withal to engage the power — for he was a 
 fat, chubby, and oily specimen of a high feeder; and although 
 his companion was of Pharaoh's lean kine, still there was an 
 appearance about him indicative of recent enjoyment in the 
 animal propensity of eating well and largely. 
 
 The effects of luxurious feeding: are so unmistakable. The 
 skin assumes a soft, sleek hue, and the eyes, heavy from a quiescent 
 disposition, blink, whik, and close and open, in a half wakeful, 
 half asleep and dreamy, dozy state, between consciousness and a 
 total want of knowledge of thintcs without, 
 
 A deep shade was cast over the room by the gas being partly 
 turned off, and the marker, taking advantage of the hour, had 
 ensconced himself snugly in a corner, and was snoring most 
 sonorously in slumber deep. He, poor wight, had refreshed 
 himself recently upon an onion and a penny roll, flooded into his 
 regions abdominal by half a pint of Barclay's worst. 
 
 '''Confound that Gooseberry !" ejaculated Ginger, in a peevish, 
 irritable tone, " how he blows." 
 
 " Like a porpoise," replied his master ; " but the poor devil 
 wants afcAv minutes' sleep. He was at it," continued he, " from 
 noon yesterday to six this morning. 
 
 " A pretty good spell, certainly," rejoined Ginger. 
 "Tolerable work for the slavev," added Mr Prate com- 
 miseratingly. 
 
 " Not worse than picking oakum," argued his friend 
 " Certainly not," returned the proprietor, '* and that Goose- 
 berry's well seasoned to." 
 
 '■'■ You may well say that," said Ginger. *^ About two-thirds 
 of his life, I imagine, have been devoted to that uninteresting 
 avocation.' 
 
 " It's a singular circumstance, and one not generally known," 
 observed Mr Prate, between the intermitting puffs of his cigar, 
 " that nearly ever}' billiard-marker in London has been schooled 
 on oakum picking." 
 
 "The greater number of them, of course, have been lagged,*' 
 replied Ginger, " for all arc such desperate rogues." 
 
 '' Yes," rejoined his companion, " they are desperate rogues in 
 a small way. I dare say now," continued he, pointing to the
 
 148 d'horsay; ok, 
 
 unconscious object of his observation, " that that fellow spunges 
 a matter of ten shillings a week out of the table by keeping back 
 the money when I'm not here." 
 
 " No doubt about it," returned Ginger, " and for which he 
 deserves scragging. Indeed, I think it was a case of rope a few- 
 years ago, for a servant to rob his master." 
 
 "And serve him right," added Mr Prate, sending a prodigious 
 volume of smoke from his lips. 
 
 " These markers," remarked his friend, returning to the original 
 subject, " are broken-knee'd clerks, chiefly, aint they ?" 
 
 " Yes," replied Mr Prate ; " chaps that have lost what they call 
 their characters ; but for ray part, I never could think there could 
 be any loss in anything so valueless." 
 
 " Ha, ha, ha ! " laughed Ginger ; " that's good, that is." 
 
 "So many people," continued Mr Prate, "pretend to have 
 been ruined in consequence of losing their characters, that I am 
 precious glad that I never had one to lose." 
 
 " Except—" 
 
 " What ? " inquired Mr Prate, as his friend raised himself on 
 his elbow, and hesitated to conclude his sentence. 
 
 " A d — d bad one," replied Ginger, in a whisper. 
 
 " And I rejoice in the possession," rejoined his companion, 
 " for, as far as my experience is concerned, its opposite neighbour 
 never conferred a benefit upon anybody." 
 
 " What a moralist you are ! " 
 
 " Moralists be figged ! " exclaimed Mr Prate, petulantly. 
 " I know what's what, as well as any moralist ever pupped. 
 A good character," continued he, " is all my eye and Betty 
 Martin. If a son of mine tried to get one, I'd cut him off 
 with a button." 
 
 "There's no fear of any such attempt from a son of yours," 
 replied Ginger, 
 
 " I hope not," rejoined his companion, "and I speak with 
 the sentiments of a parent." 
 
 " Hark ! " said Ginger, listening with pricked ears, " I think 
 I hear some one coming." 
 
 " It isn't him yet," replied Mr Prate, " the hour is too early." 
 
 " If he keeps his word, he won't play a double match to-night," 
 remarked his friend.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 
 
 149 
 
 " He has had enough of that for some time to come," said the 
 propiijetor. " He should have been treated more tenderly." 
 
 " But he bled freely," replied Ginger, " and what would you 
 have more ? " 
 
 " Freely for the time," rejoined Mr Prate ; " but it was too 
 short for my views. Remember, Lord Sward is not a common 
 pigeon." 
 
 '"His feathers are worth the labour of puUmg," returned 
 Ginger. 
 
 "They are," added Mr Prate, "and they should be drawn so 
 as to make the most of thein ; but both you and Slott have been 
 too much in a hurry." 
 
 " You had the directing of us," said Ginger, by way of a plea 
 in justification. 
 
 " That's true," replied the proprietor. " Still you were always 
 ahead of my plans." 
 
 " What do you propose now, if he declines the double 
 iWitcheB?" 
 
 " To humour^him in single ones," replied Mr Prate. 
 
 " But he is nearly as good a player as you are," rejoined 
 Ginger. 
 
 " If he was better," returned his companion, " it would make 
 no difference." 
 
 " How so ?" 
 
 " Gooseberry !" hallooed his master, '^ turn on the gas." 
 
 The startled Gooseberry sprung from his sleep and obeyed the 
 order with alacrity. 
 
 " Now," said Mr Prate, throwing the balls over the tablej 
 " try and make a fine stroke with the spot ball. Recollect his 
 lordship invariably chooses the spot ball." 
 
 The expert Ginger essayed to make a losing hazard with the 
 ball selected by his friend ; but it bounded short of the mark by 
 some third of an inch. 
 
 *' That's remarkably queer," observed he, looking very much 
 astonished. " T would have bet twenty to one on the stroke." 
 
 " Ha !" exclaimed Mr Prate ; " it only shows the triumph of 
 mind over matter, as the people of the newspapers said when 
 Bony Parte got licked."
 
 loO d'horsat ; oft, 
 
 Ginger now oudeavuiired to make ii succession of strokes, but 
 each one just failed of its object. 
 
 " Now reverse the balls," said the proprietor,'^'* you'll not find 
 the same difficulty with 'em." 
 
 Ginger complied with the order and ell'ected straight and losing 
 hazards, cannons, and all kinds of fancy strokes, without let, 
 check, or stop. 
 
 " I can manage with the plain ball," remarked he j " but the 
 spot seems bewitched." 
 
 " It is," shortly replied the proprietor. 
 
 " What ! do you mean to say it's hocussed?" 
 
 " Ay," said Mr Prate; " and made as safe to lose as any oss 
 with a poisoned bean or a pail of water in his belly at the startling 
 post." 
 
 " A light un, I suppose," returned his companion, examining 
 the object of their discussion. 
 
 "Yes," added the proprietor; "he is what you may call 
 shaved, and so nicely shaved, that no one with the quickest eye 
 that ever peeped could discover it." 
 
 " Upon my honour — " 
 
 " Tush, tush," interrupted his friend. " Swear by something 
 one may see or feel, not an airy nothing." 
 
 "Well!" continued Ginger, "you deserve to win. What a 
 safe Avay of easing a fellow of his — " 
 
 " Tin," concluded Mr Prate, with a loud laugh. " Bless'd," 
 continued he, " if I wasn't born for a poet, only a little spoiled in 
 the bringing up." 
 
 " A very green pippin might play safely with such a tool as 
 this against even Sward," said his friend ; '' for it must be 
 admitted that he is a pretty handler of a cue." 
 
 "He is a pretty handler," replied Mr Prate, "and conse- 
 quently we're obliged to take extra precautions." 
 
 " It's all right, then," rejoined Ginger, " if he Avill stick to his 
 resolution of standing only on his own play." 
 
 *< Quite," returned Mr Prate. 
 
 " But suppose he happens to take the plain ball instead of the 
 spot?" observed Ginger. 
 
 " He can be accommodated to a nicety," replied the proprie-
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 151 
 
 tor, extracting from some pocket in his dress another ball bearing 
 no mferk of identity upon its surface. 
 
 <' You're armed at all points, then," said Ginger. 
 
 " For a good, solid, successful plant," responded Mr Prate, in 
 the tone and manner of one about to do a deed of merit. 
 
 " Listen!" exclaimed Ginger, "here he comes." 
 
 " Yes, that's his tread," replied Mr Prate, exultingly. *• And 
 now, my Lord Sward," continued he, "prepare for a liberal 
 moulting," 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 To hang over a fathomless descent by the eyelids is anything but 
 an enviable state or condition. It is a struggle of weakness 
 against strength, and the fall is but delayed like one bearing with 
 the toot-hache until compelled to have it tugged from the jaw by 
 reason of its torture. The intervening space is but the increased 
 pain of anticipation, and might be avoided by the good old pre- 
 cept upon the policy of " taking the bull by the horns " in the 
 first instance. Thus is it with ninety-and-nine debtors out of 
 every hundred. They postpone and procrastinate the evil hour 
 by every means that desperation can suggest, and what lively 
 suggestions will that stern schoolmaster point out and render pal- 
 pable to mental vision ! Like one afraid to speak the truth con- 
 cerning one delinquency, the debtor proceeds to roll his bale of 
 troubles slowly up the steep hill, until the weight becomes too 
 frreat a burthen for his strength, and back he falls at last to be 
 crushed by the heap which, in the first instance, might have been 
 leaped over, scarcely bruised and but slightly scathed. 
 
 These reflections are prodigiously likely to flit in the minds of 
 gentlemen, whose assets fall in about the ratio of five hundred per 
 cent, below their obligations, when in one oftiiose nooks of retire- 
 ment, y'clept " a spunging liousc." Tlicy then begin to have a 
 vivid idea of the utter uselessness of avoiding, at such an expen- 
 diture of care and caution, the many ordeals thrust upon ihcir 
 attention from dunning to bumming, and the steps arc by no 
 means sudden or abrupt. They go by gradation. First conies 
 the civil aj)plication for some money to make up a small account :
 
 152 d'horsay; or, 
 
 then a rusty surprise at having been disregarded, or the 
 promise broken or neglected. Then comes an angry remon- 
 strance^ Scarcely is time allowed for an egg to boil lightly before 
 a damp and wafered letter, commencing^ *<^ Sir, I am instructed 
 
 by to apply for , and unless — ." To which follows a 
 
 visit from a seedy, white-livered, lank-jawed, pimple-faced chip of 
 mortality, with the expression of having been guilty of some 
 offensive proceeding, and fearful of its being discovered by ap- 
 proaching within some six square yards. This individual gene- 
 rally selects the breakfast hour for his matin visit, and just as the 
 newspaper is unfolded before the fire, as a preliminary to extract- 
 ing its sweets in the easy chair, in all the nonchalance of dressing- 
 gown and slippers, he is introduced to your notice by an unsus- 
 pecting flunky announcing that " a person from Mr Skinflint is 
 a-waitin' to speak to you. Sir." But this hang-dog messenger of 
 ill-tidings knows the value of time better than to pause in hall or 
 passage. His footsteps, therefore, are close at the heels of John 
 Thomas, and before the first three syllables are fairly from his 
 lips, there is the thing itself peeping in ghastly relief over his 
 shoulder. 
 
 The question is universally the same, and so is the form of 
 sowing the pip and seed of a law suit. 
 
 " Mr Allbehind, I believe?" is the interrogation from the obse- 
 quious stranger. 
 
 " Yes, that is my name," replies the victim, feeling a warm 
 glow suddenly spreading itself over his skin, and regarding the 
 visitor with innate fear and trembling. 
 
 "Julius Allbehind!" returns the unwelcome individual, shuf- 
 fling forwards with stealthy tread. 
 
 Allbehind feels that it is no use denying the name which his 
 respected and respectable godfathers and godmothers gave him 
 some five-and-twenty years since — associations of a silver pap- 
 boat irresistibly springing at the same moment in his memory — 
 and he therefore falters, " Ye — es."; 
 
 Skinflint's Mercury is now sure, beyond a question, of hitting 
 the right nail on the head, and, without furthei- prelude, produces 
 the narrow slip, commencing " Victoria by the grace of God — " 
 and hastens from the presence of the said Julius Allbehind, either 
 from a dictate of one of nature's first laws concerning self-pre-
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 153 
 
 servation, or that he may enjoy the perusing of the document in 
 all tlie undisturbed leisure of solitude. 
 
 In a few days — to be particular, we believe the number to be eight 
 — there is another step taken, in legal forms described a declaration, 
 and a remarkably plain declaration it is, setting forth the ' whereas ' 
 and the ' wherefore ' in good wholesome unmistakeable language. 
 Then, at the expiration of the time specified by the law for ' AU- 
 beMnd's ' raising the wind in any way coming within the mystic 
 circle of his capacities for inflation, he begins to act upon the 
 excellent principle, held inviolable, that an Englishman's house is 
 his castle. ' 
 
 "James." 
 
 « Sir." 
 
 " If anybody calls, I'm not at home." 
 
 " Very good, sir." 
 
 *'And, and, and," stammers AUbehind, averse to breaking 
 the ice of his difficulties to James, especially as the flunky's two 
 la^t quarters' wages are in arrear, "just take a glance up the area 
 before opening the front door." 
 
 " Yes, sir." 
 
 Confound the rascal ! He apes the innocence to such per- 
 fection that, unless the confidence be extended, he will first look 
 up the area, and then throw the portal upon its hinges for the 
 admission, perhaps, of one who, armed with the law's dread 
 power, will not take a denial. 
 
 "James." 
 
 " Sir." 
 
 " I depend upon your integrity and faithfulness to me." 
 
 " You're very good, sir." 
 
 " I'm in temporary difficulties." 
 
 " Sorry for it, sir." 
 
 *' You must not permit anybody to enter this house without 
 you are well acquainted with them, or I chance to be out 
 of it." 
 
 " I'll take care of that, sir." 
 
 And James does take, and his master, AUbehind, takes care ; 
 but with all the peeping, peering, watching, glancing, and 
 vigilance, applied by each and both, in some unlucky hour or 
 moment of relaxation. Grab pounces upon AUbehind in his 
 
 M
 
 154 d'hohsay ; OR, 
 
 unsuspecting moment, and bears him in triumph to his den. 
 This is no rare and uncommon portrait j but as common as spar- 
 rows upon our housetops. 
 
 And this had been precisely the case with the Marquis 
 D'Horsay. He had been pinked the night previous in for- 
 getfuhiess of the hour wlien he should have retired to his 
 refuge and security. Mr Sloughman's keen eye was always 
 upon him from the moment he issued upon his Sunday trip in 
 quest of healthful respiration, and at length, the constancy of his 
 duty availed his purpose. The last stroke of the midnight hour 
 fell when the Marquis was little less than a mile from home, and, 
 unconscious of this untowai'd circumstance, he used no extraor- 
 dinary means to make good the error, and fell a victim, like many 
 a wiser man, to the disregard of creeping time. 
 
 '< Marquis, I arrest you," cried the triumphant Bum, as his 
 debtor and now prisoner essayed to gain the knocker of the outer 
 gate. 
 
 " It is not twelve," replied our hero, within a few words of 
 being speechless with horror. 
 
 "What's the time?" hallooed Mr Sloughman to a policeman 
 passing on the opposite side of the way. 
 
 "Ten minutes past twelve," replied he, hoarsely, as if there 
 was a conglomeration of fog and night air lodging in his throat. 
 '< Then I'm lost ! " exclaimed the Marquis." 
 " No, you're not," replied the Bum. " Come quietly with 
 me, and matters may be better than you think for." 
 
 And there, at last, stood the leader of fashion and focus for all 
 eyes of the West to centre in, squeezing, or endeavouring to 
 squeeze, his handsome nose between the close bars of Mr Slough- 
 man's best room for the best kind of visitors. He was deeply 
 engaged in a reverie of anything but a pleasant nature, and was 
 not displeased at its being broken by the entrance of Mr Slough- 
 man. 
 
 " Good morning, marquis," said the Bum, throwing himself 
 upon a sofa in a negligent manner. 
 
 " Good morning,'' responded his prisoner, gloomily. 
 " I've come to offer yc my advice of the way of getting out of 
 this, I dare say to you, unpleasant place." 
 
 " You're very kind," returned the Marquis bitterly.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 155 
 
 " Don't put it down to my kindness to you" added Mr Slough- 
 man^^' but to the kindness I always feel for myself. Now, you've 
 been a great trouble to me," continued he, " and I want to turn 
 you into a little profit." 
 
 " I've no doubt of that," replied the Marquis ; " but how do 
 you propose managing it?" 
 
 " Getting you to pay me the amount of your hatful of unpaid 
 bill?, and giving me a bonus to tell ye how," responded the Bum. 
 
 "Egad!" exclaimed the Marquis, "I should rejoice in the 
 opportunity." 
 
 " Well, then," returned Mr Sloughman, '' pay the detainers, 
 be off, and take more care for the future." 
 
 " But I thought you were to tell me how ?" 
 
 " Send to a friend in possession of the ready, and I'll be your 
 messenger," said Mr Sloughman. 
 
 "Humph!" ejaculated the Marquis thoughtfully,"! owe a 
 hundred and twenty thousand^ 
 ■ " But there's not six against ye," replied the Bum, producing 
 a list of those who had had the opportunity and taken the precau- 
 tion of registering their demands in the books of the Sheriff. 
 " When it becomes known, however, that you are here," con- 
 tinued he, ** God knows where we shall stow the copies of the 
 writs. This house won't hold 'em. 
 
 " By my honour, the advice is good," rejoined our hero, re- 
 gaining some ten degrees in the thermometer of his spirits. 
 
 " I know it's good," returned Mr Sloughman j " and thei'efore 
 don't dilly dally, but act upon it at once." 
 
 " Brembroke would lend me the sum, I believe," said the 
 Marquis, 
 
 " Then act up to your belief," replied the Bum ; ** I always do, 
 although an Israelite." 
 
 " Give mc pen, ink, and paper," said our hero, cheerfully. 
 
 *' You shall have 'em' in a crack," returned the ready Mr 
 Sloughman, hastening from the room and returning in less time 
 than his shadow took to become indistinct upon the wall of the 
 apartment. 
 
 " Use strong language," said Mr Sloughman, placing the 
 writing implements before our hero. " There's nothing like stiff
 
 156 d'horsay; or, 
 
 words when you're going to borrow money. I always say so to 
 young greenhorns that write penitent letters to their governors 
 after I've laid a little salt on their tails." 
 
 In a short time a note was sealed, and Mr Sloughman under- 
 took the responsible office of a faithful messenger — faithful from 
 his interest. 
 
 " I'll not be long," said he; " I've a fast prad at the door, 
 that can trot a match against time from one mile to twenty." 
 
 "Then away," replied our hero; "fori shall feel suspended 
 on hooks until your return." 
 
 It might be an hour ; but it seemed a long, weary one to our 
 hero, before the Bum returned wagging with delight. 
 
 " I'd bet a hundred to one it's all right," said he, placing in 
 the hands of the Marquis a sealed letter ; '<■ although I didn't see 
 his lordship. The note feels too fat for a blank." 
 
 <' It is a blank, though," replied the Marquis. 
 
 "A blank!" exclaimed the Bum, disconsolately. 
 
 " Yes," returned our hero, smiling blandly ; " a blank cheque." 
 
 " Hurrah ! " hallooed Mr Sloughman ; " I thought I was 
 right." 
 
 " I suppose he was in bed ?" observed the Marquis. 
 
 " Yes," replied the Bum; "and I had a great mind to wait 
 until he had risen, for it's a dangerous time to ask for a loan when 
 the peepers are just opened ; but I thought, as time was so valu- 
 able to us, it better to run the risk of ruffling his temper." 
 
 " Now begone," responded the Marquis, filling up the docu- 
 ment for the amount wanted; " get the money and my discharge 
 as quickly as possible." 
 
 " All shall be cleared within a couple of hours," said the 
 delighted Mr Sloughman ; " and when I catch you forgetting 
 the time again, I suppose I may — " 
 
 "What?" 
 
 " Shave a weasel when I catch it asleep," was Mr Sloughman's 
 humorous conclusion.
 
 THE lOLLlES OF THE DAY. 157 
 
 ^ CHAPTER XXVI. 
 
 In tlie widest, well-paved, rose-flanked path of life, devoid of 
 weed^, rolling stones, and other impediments to the ease of the way- 
 farer, there still always will be found something to trip him from 
 his propriety. No matter whether he be one who treads o'er the 
 crowns of his fellows, or jostles their elbows, or cringes to their 
 shoe-latches, he must find the stumbling-block in his course and the 
 check-string to his speed. For the most part, however, this dis- 
 covery is by no means a semblance to the exertions of the philo- 
 sophers in search of perpetual motion, the handicraft of the 
 ■slchymist, or the mode of navigating that transparent medium, the 
 iiir. No ; these theories have for ages proved too much for the 
 practical deduction of the most subtle brains ; but the general — 
 Ave may add — the great quicksand of mortal failures, consists in 
 the frequent want of tiie knowledge and means of ''raising tlie 
 wind." This, wc assert, without fear of contradiction, is the grand 
 error of human existence, and were it possible to teach tlie ready 
 mode, by some electrical ready reckoner, to supply the deficiency 
 and vacuum in space, nine-tenths of mortal heartaches woul dcease to 
 render this speck beneath the moon a valley of thorns and of thistles, 
 and scentless flowers nipped in chilly north-east gales. But it is 
 not to be so. An edict, by Fate directing the whirl of this "earthy 
 earth," denies irremediably this division of useful knowledge to the 
 upper rp^gions of the regions of pigmy atoms of active dust and 
 moulded clay, and thus one and all must bend to the decree 
 awarding their transitory miseries in the denial of the a])p]iances 
 to "raise the wind." Wc venture an opinion that, from the Earl 
 taking precedence of his brothers of the blood as pure as that of 
 the Ptolemies, to the humble and itinerant vender of fruits and 
 vegetables, the preponderating millstone of their respective diffi- 
 culties consists in the before-mentioned want of the way in " raising 
 the wind." So it was in the time of Caesar : so it is in these 
 
 N
 
 
 158 
 
 defcnei'ate days, wlieii the waifs and strays of royal patronage and 
 favour, rewards and honours, are caught and capped by pitiable 
 abortions, and wild, uncouth savages, but one remove from the 
 animals in whose skins, claws, and tusks, they are robed and 
 tricked. 
 
 As we have before said in a late page — can such things be and 
 the pale lamp of night still offer her bright influence when the sun 
 ceases to inculcate the germs of quick existence? Shall it be? — 
 yes, and it must be said that the great and the good were suffered 
 to pine in want and in abject wretchedness for the wind to inflate 
 their sails of hope never being raised for them ; while the utmost 
 stretch of the puffed and extravagant expectations of the schemes 
 in these unnatural and natural monstrosities meet with the realiza- 
 tion of all their fertile imaginations can conjure. The poet, the 
 painter — not tlie flattering limner of a portrait — the dramatist, and 
 the actor are left to freeze and cool in the shade of their attics, 
 while the foreign adventurer in horrors is loaded with favours, and 
 his capacious maw all but choked with repletion. But pass we 
 on. It is but a penny whistle to the thunder. 
 
 Money is to life what steam is to the engine, gas to the balloon, 
 and hypocrisy to society — an indispensable accompaniment. 
 Without it, and 'tis a body devoid of blood or pulse ; a mere ana- 
 tomy, an existence. So all men discover, sooner or later, and it 
 would be well for numbers if the disclosure was made in an early 
 stage instead of a concluding one. This, however, is an occur- 
 rence rarer than a bird of paradise. The intelligence from the 
 palm of stern truth is a late pippin, and comes when the frost has 
 forbidden the fruit to be enjoyed with advantage. 
 
 In his study the Marquis d'Horsay was, with sunken chin upon 
 his bosom, enduring the ordeal of a brown study. It was not of 
 the past that his thoughts weie reverting, but to the future; and 
 although clouds and darkness, mists and fogs, rested upon it, yet 
 he in no way flinched from regarding the horizon with a steady 
 gaze. 
 
 " The follies of my life," said he, " have been as innumerable 
 as tlie falsehoods related of them, and yet may they not be turned 
 to advantage? I'll write my Life and Times for the benefit of my 
 creditors and future generations, and thus place them to a good 
 account at last. Egad !" continued he, warming upon his subject,
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 159 
 
 " but the thought savours of profit in the most substantial foriu," 
 and'the Marquis chafed his fingers with an unmistakable move- 
 ment. 
 
 Just now his reverie was broken by a sliglit tap upon his 
 shoulder, and, upon turning suddenly round to learn the cause of 
 his disturbance, he beheld the calm and beautiful features of the 
 Cpuntess of Rivington. 
 
 " Thinking, and that, too, aloud ?" she said, wiih a smile. 
 
 "Ay," he replied, "and if you've learned the import of my 
 thougrhts, what think vou of them ?" 
 
 The Countess slightly shook her head. 
 
 "Your reasons for damping my enterprise?" continued the 
 Marquis. 
 
 . "Men cannot sprak of themselves without theit words bruising 
 the tongue that utters them," replied his fair companion. 
 
 " Is such a maxim to be found in your desultory thoughts ?" 
 ^asked the Marquis, laughing. 
 
 "* " If not recorded in that volume," rejoined the Countess, " many, 
 I fear, may be found of less sageness and importance." 
 
 " Well, well," returned our hero, " I'm no jaundiced critic. 
 And so," continued he, " you object to my turning a rival scribe." 
 
 " Upon such a subject," returned the lady. " A man's follies 
 should be a closed volume, not one for circulating libraries or the 
 shelves of a speculating publisher." 
 
 " There's a sound of good sense in your words," rejoined the 
 Marquis ; " but," continued he, " something must be done to ' raise 
 the wind.' " 
 
 " I have thought of a plan for turning your genius and talents 
 to advantage," replied liis companion, " and have sought you for 
 the purpose of communicating my design." 
 
 " You'll readily believe that you have found a willing listener," 
 added our hero. 
 
 " And one as willing to reduce the intelligence to active measures, 
 I trust," returned the Countess. 
 
 " Neither shall your trust be doomed to disappointment," said 
 the Marquis. " Speak, I conjure you." 
 
 " In the laborious endeavour to while away your hours of leisure, 
 you have frequently tried the efficacy of your pencil," replied the
 
 IGO 
 
 Countess, " and tliat, too, with eminent success. May you 
 not " 
 
 " Turn portrait painter !" interrupted the Marquis, with flushed 
 cheek and flashing eyes. 
 
 " Yes," replied his companion, " you have the gift of transferring 
 good resemblances of the human face divine to canvas, and to 
 apply it profitably now would be " 
 
 " My excellent counsellor," again interrupted our hero, catch- 
 ing a hand of his fair companion and imprinting a kiss upon it, 
 " would that I could retrace the past for some quarter of a century, 
 and then place myself under your guidance ; — what shoals, rocks, 
 quicksands, and whirlpools I should have avoided ! " 
 
 " 'Tis nevex' too late to steer the proper course while your bark 
 is under weigh," replied the Countess. " Remember, * heaven 
 helps those who help themselves.' " 
 
 " And the assistance comes to me in a heavenly shape," rejoined 
 our hero gallantly. 
 
 " Then you intend availing yourself of my suggestion," observed 
 his adviser. 
 
 " Most indubitably," responded the Marquis. "I'll grasp my 
 pencil with the spirit of a knight errant of yore did his lance, and 
 retrieve my broken fortune " 
 
 " Uroken ! " exclaimed the Countess. 
 
 " Well, then ! cracked and gone," responded our hero, '•' to be 
 more concise as to the facts." 
 
 " In what securities was it vested ? " inquired the Countess 
 with a sly look. 
 
 "To confess the truth," replied he, "which is not always of the 
 order agreeable, I'm compelled to say that the securities were 
 always of a purely personal nature." 
 
 " And therefore always liable to serious fluctuations," added the 
 Countess. 
 
 " More so than I, in my youthful and sanguine hopes, ever 
 imagined," returned our hero, " But time," he continued, draw- 
 ing his delicately white hand across his forehead, " has dispelled 
 all such glowing and dazzling creations of the mind." 
 
 " When will you commence your pursuit? " inquiz'ed his com- 
 panion.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 161 
 
 " There's notliing like tlie present," returned the Marquis with 
 enthusiasm. " Give me a sitting, and I'll produce a portrait 
 worthy of a place — and a good one, too, or the hanging committee 
 will prove themselves anything but a committee of taste — in the 
 exhibition of the Royal Academy." 
 
 "A good thought!" ejaculated the Countess. **The means 
 will speedily announce to the public your new and praiseworthy 
 pursuit, and I am certain numbers will apply for the engagement 
 of your easel." 
 
 " May the prognostication prove correct," returned the Marquis, 
 " and until shown to the contrary, we will revel in the belief that 
 it Is so." 
 
 " In an hour I will fjivc von a sittincc," observed the Countess, 
 about quitting the apai-tment. 
 
 " Stay," replied our hero : " a cloudy thought comes o'er the 
 prospects of my dream. Supposing some of my persecutors avail 
 themselves of this open path to my presence." 
 '•« " That can be avoided by all applicants being required to send 
 their commissions in a written form m the first instance," replied 
 the Countess, " and then by a searching inquiry concerning their 
 ^^renuineness previous to giving them admission." 
 
 " A careful conception," rejoined the Marquis, " and so let it be. 
 In an hour, then, I shall have the pleasure of seeing you arrayed 
 in accordance with your exquisite judgment, as the crowning sub- 
 ject for my pencil." 
 
 Soon after the departure of the Countess, and while the Marquis 
 was preparing his implements of painting, a shadow Avas thrown 
 suddenly across the soft, pliant carpet at his feet, and the well- 
 known voice of that mysterious being the Emperor greeted him 
 with a salutation. 
 
 " Ah, Asmodeus ! " exclaimed our hero, perceiving his unan- 
 nounced visitor. "Thou gliostly apparition in substantial form, 
 relate tliy errand, and tliat, too, quickly, for I'm in a hurry 
 befitting the task of Puck." 
 
 " I've come to relate the news of last night's creation," replied 
 the Emperor. 
 
 "What of them?" inquired the Marquis. 
 
 " Bosky Tom's sliop was broken into l)y the unboili d, with some 
 dozen others," rejoined the Emperor, " and what witli the hcllites,
 
 162 d'hoksay ; on, 
 
 playmen, banks, dice, cards, and traps of all kinds, a goodly array- 
 was made at the beak's office this morning." 
 
 "Then his star of luck is on the wane," returned the Marquis. 
 " What became of the first favourite of fortune and his crew of 
 unfortunates ? " 
 
 "■ The banks and the traps seized were confiscated to the benefit 
 of her Majesty's revenue," added the Emperor, " and each of the 
 prisoners, to the number of about seventy, were fined from forty 
 shillings to fifty pounds." 
 
 "And all paid as a matter of course." 
 
 " Yes," continued the Emperor, " the fund of the association 
 was drawn upon pretty heavily ; but that appears not to be the 
 worst part of it." 
 
 " How so ? " asked the Marquis. 
 
 "These interruptions are to be repeated," replied his visitor, "if 
 necessary, until every hole and corner are closed against play. 
 Even on the race courses, at the fairs, and such like meetings, not 
 even a raffle for a penny pie, or a game of knock- 'em-downs, is to 
 be allowed. 
 
 " Then all is up with the play world," rejoined the Marquis, 
 " and Crockford's may now become a refuge for the destitute." 
 
 " Bosky Tom, however, seemed to have an inkling of what was 
 coming," said the Emperor, " for he took in a new partner some 
 few days ago, and I'll be answerable that he was taken in for 
 weighty reasons, in more senses than one." 
 
 " That fellow contrives to make even misfortune weigh in the 
 balance of his gains," replied the Marquis ; " but who stood pro- 
 minently forth among that motley company ?" 
 
 " That ignoble lord who tried to twist the virtue of his wife into 
 vice, for the sake of profit, was among the lagged," responded the 
 Emperor, " and it was some hours before he could raise the amount 
 of the fine imposed upon him." 
 
 " If his end should be to lie in a damp ditch and to rot," re- 
 joined the Marquis passionately, " it will be no more than his 
 deserts. I have no right," continued he, " God knows ! to pick 
 holes in the coats of others ; but there's a law of decency, even in 
 a vice, which, when disregarded, becomes offensive to the most 
 callous." 
 
 " Right, quite right," added the Emperor, " and he has set
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAT. 163 
 
 aside the code with a more regardless hand, perhaps, than any 
 living man." 
 
 " His own stamp be his brand," said our hero. " The wreath 
 will last to warn those from his presence who would shun the pes- 
 tilence of a diseased mind, and a heart scarcely less tainted than 
 carrion." 
 
 " There was Huntingcastle also in the scrape," said his visitor, 
 *' and he paid the fine of three pounds by giving a bill for five 
 hundred to Hayes." 
 
 " The victim continues, then, to bleed freely," returned the 
 Marquis. 
 
 " It's a question now who may be deemed the victim," replied 
 the Emperor ; " for yesterday's * Gazette ' contained a second an- 
 nouncement of his lordship's intention of availing himself of its 
 ways and means to expunge from his memory the existence of 
 debts and liabilities." 
 
 " What, again ?" ejaculated the Marquis. 
 X " Yes," replied his visitor, " and for the cream of a hundred 
 thousand pounds." 
 
 " And what may have been the amount of consideration this 
 time ?" 
 
 ." Not as many shillings," replied the Emperor, " and yet the 
 Avhite-livered fool will have to suffer as if he had enjoyed every 
 sixpence of the whole amount." 
 
 " Sufixir and make suffer seems to be his motto," rejoined the 
 Marquis, " and thus the account may be equitably balanced in the 
 end." 
 
 " The scratchers will find themselves scored, I think," returned 
 the Emperor. " However, be that as it may, it matters not 
 whether the fool or rogue wins." 
 
 "To turn from a subject of less personal interest to one of 
 greater," observed the Marquis — "have you aught of wortli to 
 communicate relative to myself or my affairs ?" 
 
 " It must depend upon your own ideas of the value of my faithful 
 services," replied his visitor. 
 
 "How so?" 
 
 " Because you're now on the eve of losing them," said the 
 Eniperor. "And I have ever remarked that men value that most 
 which thev have either lost or are about to lose."
 
 104 d'horsay ; OR, 
 
 " What, desert your post and abandon your office ?" inquired 
 tlie Marquis with unfeigned surprise. 
 
 "Yes," responded his inexplicable visitor, " I sliall go as I have 
 come, not knowing how, not caring where ; but it will be never to 
 return." 
 
 " Your reason ?" 
 
 " I never give any, like the wisest of philosophers when puzzled 
 for the cause to the effect," replied the Emperor. 
 
 " But " 
 
 The Marquis cut short the sentence. It was useless. The 
 Emperor had gone. 
 
 CHAPTER XXVII. 
 
 Gloom, dark as the darkest night, sat upon the brow of Mr 
 Samuel Shallow as he reclined in his chair, brooding upon the 
 sorrows arrived, and those in the prospective, gradually rendering 
 the distance less between him and them. 
 
 " Yes," said he, clasping his hands faintly in despair, " the 
 game is up for lawyers, bill discounters, sheriffs' officers, and 
 gaming-house keepers. Their occupations are gone, or are going, 
 and with them, consequently, the profits. What will become of 
 us — heaven only knows ! Government will not grant us either 
 compensation or pensions, and thus we shall be left to the unmer- 
 ciful consideration of the world at larw, without a cfrain of 
 sympathy for our sorrows. It is true," continued the unhappy 
 sporting laAvyer, " that I have lined my nest to the best of my 
 ability; but then," and he shook his head despondingly, "the 
 lining is of such a doubtful and dangerous character. Bills, post 
 obits, reversions — which may never fall in during my life — and a 
 large investment in horse-flesh. By my transgressions, which I 
 admit and acknowledge to be ever before me, I begin to dread the 
 result, or what may be technically termed the settling day." 
 
 At this moment a poulticed-faced clerk announced that that inde- 
 fatigable bum, Mr Sloughman, requested an audience. 
 
 " Let him come in," said Mr Shallow, and quickly following 
 upon the heels of the permission the representative of that to-be- 
 dreaded functionary, the Sheriff, made his appearance.
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 16*5 
 
 " Good morning, sir," said he in doleful cadence, " I suppose 
 youVe seen the precious slice of luck we'i-e going to have ? " 
 
 " There are so many of the kind in store for us," replied the 
 attorney, " that you must be more particular for my comprehen- 
 sion.'' 
 
 *' I mean the bill to do awayvvith the imprisonment of the swells 
 for debt," rejoined Mr Sloughman, with a heartfelt bubbling of his 
 pent-up sorrows. 
 
 " Oh yes !" returned the lawyer, affecting a joy poorly accord- 
 ing with his feelings, " oh yes !" repeated he, rubbing the palms of 
 his hands, "I'm aware of that blessing in pickle." 
 
 "It's a real clincher," added Mr Sloi.ghman, between his teeth. 
 " An out-an'-out home thrust at our witals and wittles. What, 
 I should like to know," continued he, " does Lord Campbell go 
 for to suppose is to become of our wives and babbies ? Bless'd 
 if I don't think they'll all come to feel as hungry as the stomacli 
 did that charged its owner with having cut his throat !" 
 -* "What stomach was that?" inquired the attorney. 
 
 " I don't know the particular one, sir," returned Mr Slough- 
 man; "but I heard there was an occasion of the kind where a 
 stomach suspected the wittles escaped out of the throat before it 
 reached it on account of a lengthy separation between the bread and 
 the bread basket." 
 
 " A somewhat extraordinary suspicion," added the law3'er, 
 smiling. 
 
 " But a very natural one," said Mr Slougliman. " When na- 
 ture calls," continued ho, placing his hand significantly upon the 
 regions of his basement, " it's no use to try to quiet her by saying 
 you're a-coming. No, no, no. You must down with the dust and 
 trot out your donkey." 
 
 "Have you anything particular to say to me?" asked the 
 attorney. 
 
 " Yes, sir," replied Mr Sloughman, in a serious tone and man- 
 ner, " my particuhir object in calling was to make known to you 
 a u-nanimons request on the part and behalf of the respected and 
 respectable sheriffs' officers, tlieir unhapi^y families, runners, 
 assistants, and deputy-assistants, and all parties concerned in the 
 present system of caging folks unable to pay their debts, and pro- 
 perly forcing them to remain so by way of punishment to the fools
 
 166 d'horsay; or, 
 
 wliat trusted 'em, for you, as the great patron — that's the word 
 Levy used in his speech," continued the orator by way of paren- 
 thesis — " as the great patron of bumming gents., to take the chair 
 this evening at a meeting to be held in my lock-up — the best room 
 is unoccupied — to take into consideration the measures for turninsr 
 aside this bill which must devour us." 
 
 " If it would be of any avail," rejoined Mr Shallow, " I should 
 with pleasure consent to the wishes of so worthy a requisition ; 
 but the knell has been rung and our doom is sealed." 
 
 " Oh don't !" whined his companion, " don't go for to make a 
 sudden certainty of it. Let us down by degrees, and as gently as 
 vou can, sir." 
 
 " The sooner the worst is known and arrived at the better," 
 returned the lawyer, " and to slide into ruin is as bad as jumping 
 into it. I tell you briefly, but conclusively, that we are baked and 
 boiled without hope of redemption." 
 
 " Oh, sir !" exclaimed Mr Sloughman, all but moved to shed one 
 briny drop to the fallen fortunes of the bums, " what pump are we 
 to draw comfort from now, I should like to know ?" 
 
 " Upon my life the question's a difficult one," replied the 
 attorney ; " but you can try what aperient medicine will do, fol- 
 lowed by strict religious discipline in keeping your minds 
 towards heaven." 
 
 " That remedy might do well enough for old tea-drinking wo- 
 men," rejoined his dispirited visitor; "but we've been accustomed 
 to stronger liquors, Mr Shallow, and that must be taken into con- 
 sideration if we don't follow the prescription." 
 
 " Take any course that may best accord with your inclinations," 
 added the attorney; "but you may rest assured that the one I 
 have suggested will produce as much, if not more, consolation than 
 any other to your afflicted minds." 
 
 "It sounds but weak stuff, sir, very weak," said Mr Slough- 
 man, bearing about as cheerful an appearance as a man about to 
 produce the efiectsof a strong emetic. 
 
 " It may not prove stimulating to the spirits," responded the 
 attorney. " However, you may take my word for the truth of 
 what I have said." 
 
 " Baked and boiled !" ejaculated Mr Sloughman passionately. 
 " Things k come to a pretty pass !"
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 167 
 
 " You, at least, will not feel the screw," observed the lawyer. 
 
 .'f^Why so, sir ?" inquired the doleful functionaiy. 
 
 " Because of your well-filled exchequer." 
 
 "Ah, sir!" sighed the bum, "it's an old proverb, which says, 
 ' light come, light go.' A great deal of money's passed through 
 my hands," continued he; "as much, perhaps, as would pay a 
 tolerably stiff dividend on the united debts of my customers ; but 
 " and Mr Sloughman concluded the sentence by the tele- 
 graphic signal of placing a thumb over his left shoulder. 
 
 " Gone, eh ?" returned the lawyer. 
 
 " The end of the skirt's been round the corner some time," re- 
 plied Mr Sloughman. " For what with Mrs S.'s velvets, silks, 
 and satins ; the carriage — avunoss, it's true — Opera box, a couple 
 of saddle nags for me, and pocket money for my lighter pleasures, 
 together with a strong falling-off in business these last few years, 
 I'm about as light of money as when I commenced the purfession." 
 
 "I feci for your situation," observed the attorney; "but, at the 
 'Same time, can devise no method of improving it," 
 
 "You quite kick at the petition, then, or anything of that sort?" 
 said Mr Sloughman. 
 
 " We might as well whistle to the wind," replied the legal 
 adviser. 
 
 "Then my mind's made up," rejoined the fallen bum. "I'll 
 retire, with my innocent kids and Mrs S., to the privacy of a 
 
 three pair-back, and endeavour to bear our hard lot with " 
 
 Mr Sloughman was about to commit the error of adding " Christian 
 resignation," but, remembering in the nick of time his want of faith 
 in the creed, he checked himself and added' — " the best appetite 
 we can on crusts and onions." 
 
 " A seasonable resolution," returned the lawyer, " and that your 
 hunger may never outstrip the means of supply, is the sincere wish 
 of one of the strongest admirers of your honourable calling." 
 " The same to you, sir," rejoined the deeply affected bum, " and 
 
 — and " but he could say no more. The words rose to his lips 
 
 like bubbles to the surface of the stream, and died away in like 
 silence. 
 
 " Good-bye," said Mr Shallow, waving his hand as the crest- 
 fallen bum l)owed liis exit. " And here's a further proof, if one 
 were wanting," soliloquized Mr Shallow upon the departure of the
 
 168 d'horsay; or, 
 
 legal engine for squeezing the remnants of distress from the ruined, 
 " and here's a further proof," repeated he, "of the coming night. 
 Rats quit the tottering house ; so will I." 
 
 "Ha!" exclaimed a voice, causing the reflecting attorney to 
 start and look suddenly towards the quarter from whence it 
 came, and, as he did so, he perceived the countenance of the 
 notorious, if not famous Colonel Hopeland between the }>artly 
 opened door and the post. " Ha ! " repeated the Colonel, " may I 
 come m : 
 
 " And be d d if you like," replied Mr Shallow in a truly 
 
 surly tone. 
 
 " Fie, fie ! " rejoined the applicant, placing a fore-finger upon 
 his lip, and gravely shaking his head. " Never swear when 
 enjoying the piscatory art of hooking tittlebats. Shallow." 
 
 " Shut that door," rejoined the la^vyer, " either upon your heels 
 or your toes, for the draught is unpleasant to me." 
 
 " As I have the selection," replied the Colonel, stepping forwards 
 and obeying the order with alacrity, "you'll appreciate, I am sure, 
 the taste of a man of I'cfinement in selecting the latter." 
 
 * We change and others change, while recollection would feign 
 renew what it can but recal.' So the poet has written, and never, 
 perchance, were his words more signally verified than in the 
 person and exterior of the gallant soldier of fortune. Once the 
 neatest of the neat — a very Bruramel of the age; he now gave 
 evidence of the mildcAv of his credit, and the lack of the ready 
 wherewithal to command the exifjencics of the wear and the tear 
 and the friction of time. A smoked and dino;v sjossamer was 
 clasped in a hand barely covered v/ith a kid glove, once bleached 
 as a snowdrift, but now leading the spectator to imagine that it 
 might have protected the digits of a chimney sweeper in a recent 
 trial of his skill. A coat thrice revived with that deceptive fluid 
 which gives a gloss at the expense of the substance, was buttoned 
 close to his chin, in order to curtain that familiar article of dress 
 known under the title of a shii't. It was, indeed, of a hue to be 
 concealed, so yellow and jaundiced did the antiquated garment 
 look, that for aught an observer could tell it migrht have been the 
 cere-cloth of a mummy exhumed after the burial of a thousand 
 years. Tight rusty black troAVseis were strapped down to a pair 
 of shoes (but not fellows) long passed mending, and altogether the
 
 TIIK FOLLIES OF THE BAY. 169 
 
 Colonel's appearance bore a decided resemblance to that of a gentle- 
 man* especially flat upon his luck. 
 
 " And to Avhat fortuitous cause may I ascribe the honour of this 
 visit?" inquired the lawyer, Avith well-feigned assumption of 
 politeness both of tone and manner. 
 
 " Come, come," replied the Colonel, shuffling forwards ; " no 
 chaff, Shallow, no chaff. Remember my very seedy condition, 
 and let your bowels of compassion be touched for the sorrows of 
 one quite bereft of tick or the ready rhino." 
 
 " You deserve neither one nor the other," rejoined the attorney, 
 " and never did." 
 
 " Your nature really hardens at the appearance of grief," re- 
 turned the Colonel, in an expostulatory voice. " This condition of 
 mind quite shocks mc." 
 
 " Ha, ha, ha !" laughed Mr Shallow. '*' Your impudence and 
 coolness quite beats me." 
 
 "If ray good sense did not lead me to suppose that you were 
 flattering my poor abilities," added the Colonel, placing his right 
 liand on the loft of his breast, " I should consider myself the 
 proudest of men." 
 
 " Well, well !" ejaculated the attorney in an impatient manner. 
 " Wliat is vour errand, for my time's valuable?" 
 
 " We should be brief, then, to stand a remote chance of success 
 with impatience," replied the Colonel, and taking a thick roll of 
 paper from his dilapidated waistcoat pocket, he continued in a soft, 
 flute-like, insinuating tone — '* Here are some kites " 
 
 " Then put them in the fire," interrupted Mr Shallow, pointing 
 to the grate. 
 
 " You're not serious ?" returned the Colonel. 
 
 " Never more so in uiy life," responded the lawyer. 
 
 " You've not heard whose autograj»hs they are," said the 
 applicant, beseechingly. 
 
 " Nor do 1 want. Sufficient for me to know tliat they arc 
 worthless by finding them in your hands," replied Mr Shallow, 
 
 " Appearances arc certainly against their intrinsic value," 
 rejoined the imperturbable Colonel ; " but reflection will show that 
 they are at least worth their stamps, and that's saying a great deal 
 for acceptances in these days."
 
 170 •'<' '^^ d'horsay; or, 
 
 « Whose are they ?" 
 " Huntingcastle's." 
 
 " Do you offer them by weight or by measure V 
 " Either way," said the accommodating negotiator, tossing the 
 roll of signed stamps into the air, and catching them adroitly, " so 
 long as you'll bid." 
 
 " I would as isoon bid for a suit in the Insolvent Debtors' Court 
 with nix for assets," rejoined Mr Shallow. 
 
 "Think again," added the Colonel, resuming his game of pitch 
 and toss, " and recollect you're a lawyer. Don't, pray don't allow 
 me to correct a professional opinion upon the merits of the case." 
 " What do you mean ?" asked Mr Shallow. 
 " Huntingcastle's not a coach proprietor or posting-master now," 
 replied the Colonel, for a third time resuming his sport with the 
 roll of bills, " he's not in trade, recollect — eh ?" 
 " Humph !'' ejaculated the attorney, Reflectively. 
 " Ha !" returned his visitor. " You see, I observe, the point, 
 or begin to see it." 
 
 " He must take the benefit of the act if he doesn't bolt." 
 " And then outlawry is the trick upon the cards." 
 " I'll have a cut in if it's only for revenge," rejoined the lawyer, 
 ** at a very low figure." 
 ** Name your price." 
 " A shilling in the pound." 
 
 " Oh, Shallow !" exclaimed the colonel, bending upon him an 
 admonitory look, " you're becoming really quite irreligious." 
 
 " And I won't give that," continued the attorney, " unless you'll 
 get him to renew every farthing of the old debt without the pre- 
 mium of a sixpence." 
 
 " Have I ears ?" said the Colonel. 
 
 " Yes," replied Mr Shallow, with a sarcastic sneer, " I should 
 say, from your past life, that you've little reason to envy the ass 
 his redundance of ear." 
 
 " Pithy, and to the purpose," rejoined the Colonel. " But let 
 us be reasonable," continued he, tossing the securities into Mr Shal- 
 low's lap. " There's a lump of nice, fresh, clean, crisp, and plea- 
 sant-looking bills for ten thousand, although the name of the 
 acceptor may not be particularly well written or always spelt cor-
 
 THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 171 
 
 recily — what do you sa\' — all being at the shortest dates you like 
 to -fijl them up in — to the low charge of half-a-crown iu the 
 pound ?" 
 
 " No." 
 
 " Two shillings ?" 
 
 " No." 
 
 " One and six ?" 
 
 " No." 
 
 " Positively ?" 
 
 " ][LbSt decidedly." 
 
 "■ Then take the lot at your own figure," added the Colonel ; 
 " for I'm particularly inclined for a good dinner to-day." 
 
 ''Is it a rarity?" inquired the attorney, fixing his twinkling 
 eyes upon the cadaverous features of the Colonel. 
 
 '' So much so that I expect my palate will be quite agreeably 
 astonished," frankly replied his visitor. 
 
 " I must have a renewal of the old claim as a preliminary," 
 r^oined Mr Shallow. 
 
 " Say that you'll give a little cheque for fifty and I'll produce it 
 in half an hour," returned the gallant Colonel. 
 
 " I will then," added the lawyer, " although I fear the bargain 
 to be a dear one." 
 
 " It's the best investment of capital you ever made," said the 
 Colonel, " and in the end must return — it makes me sigh to think 
 of those returns when they come to hand." 
 
 " From envy ?" 
 
 •* As unadulterated as was ever raised from the depths of a 
 bosom," rejoined the Colonel. 
 
 ** Our agreement's arranged, then ?" 
 
 " And within an hour of being settled," replied the Colonel, 
 taking his departure. 
 
 '* There may yet be picking for me," said Mr Shallow to him- 
 self, " although to an inexperienced eye there would seem to be 
 nothinj; but bare bones."
 
 17 d'horsay; or, 
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII. 
 
 " The follies of the clay " are here about to be drawn to a 
 close. The scenes were designed at the onset to be extended to a 
 greater length ; but who can direct his fate ? The thread is 
 snapped, and the scattered fragments of the woof will alone re- 
 main. Should they, however, succeed in teaching one benighted 
 traveller in this dreary world, choked with brambles and pitfalls 
 in eveiy path, a single lesson, or cause him to turn from the brink 
 over which so many of " the good and the true " have fallen, then 
 the reward for the toil shall be deemed ample, and the reaping all- 
 sufficient. 
 
 Whatever may have been thought, whatever may have been said, 
 rco-ardinsr the motives for strino-ino- these desultory scenes of life 
 
 o 3 CO • 
 
 into the form we have presented them to our readers, none other 
 existed than the desire to liold a mirror up for the reflection of 
 men and things as they are ; not what they would seem to be. If 
 in this undertaking an actor may have recognized his own features, 
 and beheld their distortion witli surprise, let him remember the 
 defect lies in the object giving its semblance, and from no fault in 
 the speculum. It has been said " where experience fails to incul- 
 cate the truth, homilies direct from heaven would fail." This we 
 have cogent reasons for believing to be the truth, and therefoi'c 
 {=hall abandon the teaching to that stern preceptor Mho has now 
 concluded her task of pointing out "■ the follies of the day." 
 
 Lest, however, disappointment might be felt in thus abruptly 
 leaving our puppets on the stage, we will make a brief summary 
 of their " whereabout?,"' and then dismiss them at once and for 
 ever. 
 
 Our hero, the Marquis, '' sticks to leather" Avitha fixed, steady, 
 and a profitable purpose. The end he has in view is to make hay 
 ■while the sun shines, and although it may, nay viust be a work of 
 time to obtain a sufficient stack to satisfy the innumerable rapa-
 
 
 •»',
 
 i
 
 THE FOI.l.IES OF THE DAY. 173 
 
 cious moutlis gaping for the proceeds of his labours, yet the 
 patience and perseverance he exhibits will doubtlessly pull him 
 thrtjugh in the end. 
 
 Lord Huntingcastle is on the eve of again exhibiting himself in 
 an extremely unfavourable light for the heir presumptive to an 
 earldom, by humbly petitioning for a speedy release of pressing 
 difficulties amounting to the trifling matter of eighty thousand 
 pounds. It may be a subject of interest to learn that this nolde- 
 rhan has determined to make himself the most contemptible of his 
 order, and to prove the error of a popular belief in the excellence 
 of hrgli breeding. His decision is to show that a lord may be the 
 lowest bred scamp on the surface of the earth, and a fit associate 
 only for the company to be met with in low gin shops and similar 
 places of resort for the ignorant and the vicious. He was so dis- 
 gusted with the lenient opinions entertained of his former excesses, 
 and the mild punishment he received for his reckless extravagance, 
 that he is now going to give a conclusive proof of the fallacy of 
 mortal judgments and the occasional waste of mercy in being 
 '-•merciful. 
 
 Bosky Tom still flourishes. "With a talent belonging only to 
 the prudent, he was always, as he graphically termed his caution, 
 " wide awake." The storm did not burst upon his craft with her 
 sails set : all were reefed, snug, and comfortable. Having early 
 information of the decision of Sir James Graham to suppress every 
 kind of gaming, he offered his thriving establishment for a large 
 sum to an innocent victim. He bought, and was sold a very respect- 
 able bargain. The next day the house was entered by the officers, 
 and, if not closed, is on the eve of becoming so. Bosky Tom is 
 now a retired gentleman, and offers a happy example of the great 
 difference between pigeons and pluckers. 
 
 Mr Shallow still keeps uj) appearances, and although he onc& 
 pencilled his name, address, and occupation in a newspaper, under 
 the head of Gazette, just to see how it would read, — it was on one 
 inauspicious morning, after a long duration of cut tliroat weather, 
 and when the blue d(;vils were strong within him. We have reason 
 to believe Mr Shallow is too deep for the ' Gazette.' 
 
 Madge Redmonds is sadly reduced. She is now engaged in 
 the cares of business, and may be seen sitting under an umbrella 
 at the corner of Drury hiiic, vending oranges in winter, ancj vary- 
 
 o
 
 174 d'iIORSAY ; OR, THE FOLLIES OF THE DAY. 
 
 ing her stock in trade in accordance with the seasons. We patron- 
 ized her but a short time since to the amount of a pennyworth of 
 baked chestnuts. 
 
 A man in a hurry, his costume far worse than seedy, may fre- 
 quently be observed in the neighbourhood of Fleet street. He is 
 tall and lank, and is invariably bustling through the crowd with a 
 bundle of newspapers under his arm. Reader, do not doubt the 
 startling assertion, this is a flying newsman in the person of 
 Colonel Hopeland, To such base callings may we come at last. 
 Knowing Hariy is still grinding his life out on the mill, and from 
 the information we have received relative to his pursuits when 
 freed from this round of labour, we have reason to conjecture that 
 lie will generally be found at home — a penitent in a penitentiary. 
 
 Of the Emperor nothing is known. He was a mystery when 
 first introduced, and, now that we dismiss him, he must still remain 
 so. He came from whence no man can say; he went to where no 
 man can tell. 
 
 And now our sand is spent — our course is run. 
 
 T II E E N t>. 
 
 PRIMI.O I!V UEVNELL AND M'EIGIIT, LITTLE PLLTEiNEV STRF-ET. 
 
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