The MARRIAGE A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS by ANNE CRAWFORD FLEXNER THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES GIFT OF Professor Kenneth KacGovran THE MARRIAGE GAME THE MARRIAGE GAME A Comedy in Three Acts, by ANNE CRAWFORD FLEXNER NEW YORK B. W. HUEBSCH MCMXVI COPYRIGHT, 1913, BY ANNE CRAWFORD PLEXNER COPYRIGHT, 1916, BY B. W. HDEBSCH All rights reserved. This play is fully protected by copyright law, all re- quirements of which have been complied with. In its present form it is dedicated to the reading public only, and no performance of it may be given without the written permission of Anne Crawford Plexner, owner of the acting rights, who may be addressed in care of the publisher. -pj 351 F So THE AMERICAN HUSBAND 93134.0 CHARACTERS NEVIL INGRAHAM CHARLIE FROST JIM PACKARD TOM UPDEGRAFF, Ingraham's brother-in-law JENKS ASSISTANT STEWARD RACIE UPDEGRAFF, Ingraham's sister MRS. FROST MRS. PACKARD MRS. OLIVER The action takes place within twenty-four hours, on board Ingraham's yacht. ACT I Deck of Ingraham's yacht, "The Bachelor." (An after- noon in June.} ACT II The saloon of "The Bachelor." (Several hours later.) ACT III "The Bachelor" New London Harbour. (Early next morning.) TIME: The Present. Produced at the COMEDY THEATRE, NEW YORK, on October 2pth, 1913, with the following cast: NEVIL INGRAHAM . . Orrin Johnson CHARLIE FROST . . . William Sampson JIM PACKARD . . . George W. Howard TOM UPDEGRAFF . . Charles Trobridge JENKS Fred Mosley ASSISTANT STEWARD . Walter Grey RACIE UPDEGRAFF . . Vivian Martin MRS. FROST .... Josephine Lovett MRS. PACKARD . . . Alison Skipworth MRS. OLIVER . . . Alexandra Carlisle THE MARRIAGE GAME ACT I SCENE : Deck of Ingraham's yacht The Bachelor, which is lying at the pier of the New York Yacht Club at foot of East 2jd Street. The deck is glistening white and is seen from the second mast to the stern. To the Right of the mast is the roof of a small skylight with a cushioned seat. To the Left a companionway with the hood pushed back, leading to the saloon below. Behind this is the steering- wheel and the stern rail of the boat, with the United States Yacht Club's ensign flying from the staff. On the starboard side is a launch, suspended from the davits; just forward of that is the owner's gangway. Life-preservers, with the yacht's name "The Bachelor'' in black let- tering on a white ground, are in evidence. There is a group of wicker chairs with cushions of brilliant chintz down Left, and a wicker table on which are some books and flowers. 7 8 THE MARRIAGE GAME All the brass fittings of the deck glitter in the sunlight, which is that of a warm afternoon in June. A back-drop of the East River, with white gulls skimming against the blue. DISCOVERED AT RISE: JENKS who is arranging the rugs and cushions in the deck-chairs, books and flowers on table R. C. and busying himself about the deck, humming aloud the air "I'm going to be a honeymoon girl, With my hus- band by my side" Enter ASST. STEWARD, a trim young cockney, who carries three huge flower-boxes tied with wide ribbons. Both wear white duck uniforms and white sneakers. ASST. STEWARD [Holding boxes upJ\ More flowers! My guess is lidies aboard! [Putting boxes on table, knocks a box of candy on to deck.] JENKS You ain't paid fer guessin' Clean up that mess. . . . ASST. STEWARD [Taking a cloth out of his pocket and rubbing the deck as he talks. ~\ Me first idea wuz a THE MARRIAGE GAME 9 bachelor-cruise. Mr. Ingraham's give orders for a h'extry supply of cigars, and old port with the champagne, that pints ter gentlemen. [Throws candy overboard.] JENKS Not pints, quarts! ASST. STEWARD But h'all this confectionery, an' new novels, an' flowers ! You can take it from me that spells lidies! JENKS Oh, dry up ! ASST. STEWARD [With a knowing wink.] Not that I ain't seen lidies on a bachelor-cruise afore now ! H'as for flowers, I've seen staterooms fair smothered in 'em. [Lowers his voice] I seen a berth once, as was jist a bed of wiolets! JENKS [Witheringly.] You seen enough, most likely, when you was among them Britishers! There's heaps of boats right here in the Sound 7 wouldn't ship with, knowin' what goes on in 'em. 10 THE MARRIAGE GAME But it's a pleasure to sail under a decent, god- fearin' man like Mr. Ingraham, and you can take it from me that, if this here's a bachelor-cruise, there'll be no females aboard. ASST. STEWARD [ Very sly.] Not when we leaves port perhaps. You can't never tell what may 'appen to you in strynge waters! JENKS Mr. Ingraham don't navigate no strange waters, you darned idjit! [A SAILOR carrying a steamer-trunk on his shoulder, and a hat-trunk in his hand, enters R.] Where you goin' with that trunk? Baggage to the forward hatchway! Don't set it down! [To ASST. STEWARD.] Here, you! ASST. STEWARD [Takes hat-trunk.] If that ain't a female! [Reading name.] "Missis Up-giraffe?" JENKS "Updegraff." It's Mr. Ingraham's sister. We always have good weather when Miss Racie's aboard! Take 'em to stateroom No. i, and look sharp about the paint. THE MARRIAGE GAME 11 [As the ASST. STEWARD exits forward Right, IN GRAHAM, dressed for yachting, runs up the companionway and steps on the deck. He looks at the watch he has in his hand, and is in radiant high spirits. \ INGRAHAM Whose luggage was that, Jenks*? JENKS [Saluting.] Mrs. Updegraff's, sir. INGRAHAM [Returns his watch to his r pocket, after glancing at it.] And Mr. Updegraff's'? JENKS [Taken aback.] There was a trunk, sir. Ain't their luggage together? INGRAHAM No, it's not. It couldn't be, for the simple reason that neither one of 'em knows the other one's coming. It's a little surprise I'm planning, Jenks. JENKS It's a long time since Miss Racie and Mr. Tom's been out with us, sir. They spent their honey- 12 THE MARRIAGE GAME moon on this boat, if you'll rec'lect, sir, cruising. Just two years ago this week it was, sir. INGRAHAM Yes, time the young people were having an- other, eh, Jenks? So I planned this cruise for their second honeymoon. JENKS I see, sir! Beggin' your pardon, sir, I never heard of any kind of a honeymoon where one party didn't know the other one wuz a comin', sir! INGRAHAM I got the idea from a newspaper clipping. [Feeling in his vest pocket, stops suddenly.} The cards! I forgot to give you the cards for the staterooms. [Takes cards from vest pocket and hands them one at a time to JENKS.] Put Mr. and Mrs. Frost in No. 2; Mr. and Mrs. Packard in No. 3 if Mr. Packard, who's out of town, gets back in time Miss Racie and Mr. Tom in No. i of course and, I say, Jenks [As JENKS turns away with cards.} I hope you're well stocked with ice and everything? THE MARRIAGE GAME 13 JENKS Yes, sir, I am, sir. INGRAHAM Because I'll have no running ashore after we start. I've given the skipper orders not to put in to any port for at least three days. JENKS That's just what they done, Miss Racie and Mr. Tom, sir two years ago. They never wanted to go ashore neither! They give orders, too, not to put into any port, they wuz so afraid of gittin' a letter or a telegram, a-callin' of 'em back! That wuz a sure enough honeymoon, sir! INGRAHAM So'llthisbe! JENKS [Doubtfully, looking at the cards he holds.] It might be, sir, ef we wuz all young married couples, sir. But we ain't. Old stagers like Mr. and Mrs. Frost and Mr. and Mrs. Packard [Holds up two of the cards.] '11 want to go ashore at New London an' Woods Hole an' Marblehead, to get mail an' newspapers, sir. You'll see, sir ! 14 THE MARRIAGE GAME [Noise of launch.} The launch! here comes some of the party, now, sir. [Goes to rail.} Mr. UpdegrafT, and by hisself, sir. INGRAHAM S-sh! Not a word about Miss Racie [Goes to rail as TOM comes up gangway. As he steps on deck JENKS goes down into boat and returns with TOM'S bag, and a telegram.} TOM Hello, Inky! [Shakes hands.} INGRAHAM Hello, Tom! You're a nice brother-in-law, you are! I've had the devil of a time reaching you! Don't you ever go home? TOM I slept at the Club, and your note followed me there. I pitched some things into a bag and came along! Other fellows all here? INGRAHAM Not all, not yet. You didn't go home, then*? THE MARRIAGE GAME 15 TOM I sent Racie a wire that I'd be out of town. Corking idea of yours, old man. Hope we're going to the North Pole! INGRAHAM [Disturbed.] As far as that? TOM Oh, I'd like to get clean off for awhile. INGRAHAM [Pause.] I don't want to pry, but what's up with you and Racie, Tom? TOM Oh nothing everything. What's the use? When things get all snarled up, I believe in clear- ing right out and giving them a chance to unsnarl ! INGRAHAM Sometimes that only snarls 'em tighter. Have you had a straight talk with Racie? TOM My dear fellow, what chance have I had? When I got back from that little trip with the i6 THE MARRIAGE GAME boys, I found Racie completely upset. Some kind friend had been filling her up with notions about fishing trips and she wanted me to promise I'd never go on another. Of course, I refused. Tears and accusations that I didn't love her. As luck would have it I'd gone off and forgotten all about our second anniversary. Things were in such a muddle that I moved round to the Club. Meanwhile, a bachelor cruise just suits my book, old man! [Rises and sla'gs INKY on shoulder.} INGRAHAM H'm, yes ! [Consults watch.} I wish I'd known you were stopping at the Club. That duffer Jenks has just been telling me he's all out of Egyptian Deities. You know Jim Packard doesn't smoke any other kind. Would you mind just hiking up to the Club in a taxi and bringing back a few dozen boxes'? I haven't got a man I can spare Do you mind? TOM Not a bit! [Going to gangway.} I'd be de- lighted. INGRAHAM [Calling off.} Jenks. THE MARRIAGE GAME 17 JENKS [Reappears R.] Yes, sir, INGRAHAM Mr. UpdegrafPs going back in the launch. JENKS Aye, aye, sir. INGRAHAM It's awfully good of you, old man. I'd go myself, but TOM Nonsense! You've got to be here when the other fellows come. [Goes over the side.} I'll be back in twenty minutes Egyptian Deities and all! [Noise of launch.} JENKS [Hands telegram.} Here's a telegram came with the launch for you, sir. [INGRAHAM takes and opens it.} Begging your pardon, sir, but we've a thousand Egyptian Deities, below. [Sounds of launch departing.} INGRAHAM [Opening telegram.} I know it, Jenks. But I don't want Mr. Tom here when Miss Racie i8 THE MARRIAGE GAME comes. By George! [Glances at telegram. .] If that's not Jim Packard all over! [Reads] : "Just back from fishing-trip. Found your wire at Club. Sure I'll come. Am bringing friend. Jim." A friend but we've no room! [Leaps to rail.] Hi there! Tom! JENKS [Shouts.] Launch, ahoy! INGRAHAM No good, they don't hear us. [Goes to bench and comes back with megaphone.] [Speaks through it.] Launch ahoy! Tom-m-m! JENKS They hear, sir. VOICE [From off faintly.] Heigh! INGRAHAM [Thro' megaphone.] Hi! Tom! See Jim Packard at the Club ! Tell him not to bring his friend. We've no room. Do you get me no room for friend! THE MARRIAGE GAME 19 VOICE [Off, very faint.] All right. I get you. INGRAHAM [Same.] On your way! [Lowers mega- phone.] [To JENKS.] Ten to one he won't find him. [Looks at telegram again.] A friend, an odd man, whom he'll expect to share his stateroom ! JENKS [Bewildered.] But Mrs. Packard, sir? INGRAHAM Precisely, Jenks! You have put your finger on the difficulty. Mr. Packard evidently thinks it's a man's party where one or two more won't make any difference. JENKS Yes, sir. I see, sir. How about a hammock on deck, sir? INGRAHAM With the mosquitoes what they are now*? JENKS Right, sir. [Reflectively.] There's the sofa in your stateroom, that could be made into a bunk for Mr. Packard's friend. . 20 THE MARRIAGE GAME INGRAHAM [Feelingly.] Me take him? I'd as lief have a bear as a man sleep in my room with me ! [Walks about.] JENKS Shall I go ashore and 'phone Mr. Packard's house, sir? [Sound of launch coming back.] INGRAHAM Oh no, he seldom goes there. Make up the sofa in my stateroom in case Mr. Tom doesn't catch him. [Sounds of launch.] JENKS Aye, aye, sir. [Going towards railing.] Beg pardon, sir, here come Mr. and Mrs. Frost. [Stands at salute by gang-way and afterwards takes charge of luggage, two suit-cases, and exits Right.] INGRAHAM [ Walking up stage as the head of MRS. FROST, followed by FROST, appears above the gangway.] Well ! I'm glad there are some punctual people ! Come right up! How are you, Frost? THE MARRIAGE GAME 21 [Hand shake. Then to MRS. FROST.] And Mrs. Frost! Glad to see you on board. [MRS. FROST is a wiry, uncompromising, Boston-bred woman, very serious, and with an insistent, literal manner of speak- ing, entirely without humour. FROST is a little sandy-haired man, with a quiet droll manner, indolent speech, and a philosophic shrug at the times when he doesn't get a chance to speak. ,] MRS. FROST [Advancing upon INGRAHAM.] Now, Mr. Ingraham, tell me the truth, not a polite fib you had a Boston grandmother! Was I invited or was I not 1 ? FROST [Taking INGRAHAM'S cordially outstretched hand.] You may as well tell her, Inky. MRS. FROST [To him.] Don't interrupt, Charles! [To INGRAHAM.] You must tell me, Mr. Ingraham! [As INGRAHAM fries to speak.] Look me straight in the eye No, Charlie tells his worst ones that way. . . . 22 THE MARRIAGE GAME INGRAHAM [Quickly.] But of course you were invited didn't you get my telegram last night? MRS. FROST We did. But we just met Tom Updegraff on the dock and he said it was a bachelor cruise, and Charlie wanted me to turn right round and go home. And of course, if, for any reason, you've changed your mind FROST Don't trifle with her affections, Inky, tell her! INGRAHAM I never change my mind, and the trip would have been a failure without you. [FROST collapses, ,] MRS. FROST [Sinking down triumphantly in chair.} There! Charles! What do you think of your- self now? FROST I never think of myself at all, Emily. I think of you. It was the thought of you, alone, in a boat full of bachelors. . . . THE MARRIAGE GAME 23 MRS. FROST Bachelors? [Snorts.'] How came you to be asked if it was a bachelor-party? [INGRAHAM goes up to rail and looks of.] FROST I'm just as much of a bachelor as Tom Upde- graff, if you come to that, and he said it was a "bachelor-cruise." [MRS. FROST looks sharply at INGRAHAM.] INGRAHAM Tom thinks "a cruise on The Bachelor" means a bachelor-cruise, I suppose. [FROST removes hat, and sits down on bench.] MRS. FROST [Abruptly.] Charles, you ought not to sit in this breeze! Go and show them where to put the luggage, won't you? [To INGRAHAM.] He gets over-heated so easily when he has a cold ! FROST [Who has risen obediently.] But I haven't a cold! 24 THE MARRIAGE GAME MRS. FROST [Placidly.] And he takes cold so easily since he's had a weak chest. INGRAHAM [Surprised.] I didn't know he had a weak chest ! FROST [Who has started toward the companionway.] It's a week-end chest it always prevents my ac- cepting any invitations of which Emily does not approve. Fishing-parties are death to it. She detects a hollow cough as soon as one is men- tioned. MRS. FROST When you're done talking nonsense, Charles, you might see where I put the mustard. FROST [In companionway with a gesture of despair.] Emily I hoped you had forgotten the mustard! MRS. FROST I never forget anything! I put it right next to the hot-water bottle. If there were no women in the world, what would become of you men ? THE MARRIAGE GAME 25 FROST We should be scarce, Emily, but we might be happier. [Exits.} MRS. FROST [As he exits down the companion-way.] There, Mr. Ingraham, I could see you didn't want to speak out before Charlie, but you can tell me. [Comes closer to him.} I know there's something behind all this. INGRAHAM [Very frankly.} You're right, Mrs. Frost, there is ! I'll confide in you since you've found me out! [Smiles.} You know, there's some- thing about you that compels confidence. . . . ! [They sit on skylight seat.} MRS. FROST [Flattered.} So Charlie says. INGRAHAM This isn't a bachelor-cruise as you see. It's a conspiracy. MRS. FROST [Jumps.} A what? 26 THE MARRIAGE GAME INGRAHAM A little brotherly conspiracy against my sister Racie, and Tom. You see ... they've quar- relled. [Face clouds.] MRS. FROST I thought so! Racie told me that Tom had gone away on a fishing-trip and forgotten all about his wedding anniversary. INGRAHAM Yes, that was careless of Tom, but not crim- inal. Unfortunately Racie heard some stories about this trip that upset her. Yesterday after- noon I found Racie looking up the divorce laws of the State of New York and crying all over them, and, as far as I can judge, Tom's present address seems to be his Club. MRS. FROST Oh, that's dreadful! When a man's at his club you never know where he is ! INGRAHAM So I planned this cruise to bring 'em together, and on the principle of not letting the left hand know what the right hand doeth, I invited Tom THE MARRIAGE GAME 27 without saying anything to Racie, and Racie with- out saying anything to Tom. Tom got the idea that this is going to be a bachelor cruise, and Racie thinks that he is going out of town somewhere [Suddenly, noticing her face.] But you don't like my little conspiracy? MRS. FROST [Bluntly.] I don't like deception, even about trifles, Mr. Ingraham. INGRAHAM [After a pause, gently.] My sister's happiness is not a trifle, Mrs. Frost. MRS. FROST No, no ! But even if they do come INGRAHAM They're not at the point of quarrelling before people. They'll accept the situation for a few days and propinquity will do the rest. MRS. FROST [Puzzled. ] "Propinquity" *? INGRAHAM Propinquity. The oldest and simplest remedy there is. I cut the recipe out of a paper the other 28 THE MARRIAGE GAME day. [Takes clipping from his vest-pocket. ~\ But you are an authority on home-made rem- edies [Hands it to her.} MRS. FROST [Fumbling at her eye-glasses on their hook.] I can't read print without my glasses INGRAHAM [Taking the clipping and reading :\ "In Zu- rich, in the olden time, when a quarrelsome couple applied for a divorce, the magistrate never listened to them. Before deciding upon the case he locked them up for three days in the same room. Their food was passed in to them by an attendant who neither saw nor spoke to them. When they came out, at the end of three days neither of them wanted to be divorced." [Folds up the clipping and returns it to "his pocket.] MRS. FROST [Faintly.} How how extraordinary! But you can't lock Tom and Racie up nor pass in their food! INGRAHAM [Dryly.} The food is not the point. A yacht presents less scope for people's avoiding each other THE MARRIAGE GAME 29 than a modern New York house, with a Club at- tachment. MRS. FROST [Gloomily.] I hope you'll succeed! Of course, on a boat, they can't get away from each other. Some people ought to live on boats! [Suddenly.] And Charlie and me*? Have you invited us because you thought *? INGRAHAM [Appalled.} Oh dear no! I've invited you as examples! [Raises cap.} MRS. FROST Humph! And your other guests'? INGRAHAM Er just the Packards. MRS. FROST [Sitting up.} Carrie and Jim Packard! Why, they're as good as divorced already. She plays bridge and he runs about town, and they never meet except by accident! You haven't asked them as examples, I hope*? 30 THE MARRIAGE GAME INGRAHAM [Discreetly.] There are good examples and the other kind but one mustn't speak ill of one's guests FROST [Popping out at the top of the companionway with a mint- julep in his hand.] Or the dead or the absent. Were you and Emily speaking ill of me? I was absent and a guest, and I'm nearly dead of this heat! [Sips julep.] Emily won't let me take my flannels off! MRS. FROST Drink that very slowly, Charles, or it will cool you off too suddenly. Did you find the mustard? FROST Emily, it is not there. MRS. FROST [Goes to companionway.] Nonsense, Charles, I put it there myself. FROST And I un-put it. [As she disappears.] Will mustard float? THE MARRIAGE GAME 31 INGRAHAM No, you idiot! MRS. FROST [Reappearing.] Put on your overcoat, Charles, till I've unpacked your sweater! FROST [Takes up his coat obediently, throws it down the minute she exits.} Why didn't you make this a bachelor-cruise? What have I ever done to you ! Think of three whole days of this? INGRAHAM Nonsense ! Emily's devoted to you. Suppose she were like Carrie Packard FROST Carrie lets Jim do as he likes! Don't know where he is half the time. Think of being mar- ried to a wife like that ! INGRAHAM You mightn't get on as well with her as with Emily. FROST Every man can get on with the woman he hasn't married. 32 THE MARRIAGE GAME INGRAHAM Well, if Emily can't get on with you, she's hard to satisfy. FROST Emily don't want to be satisfied. Women are perfectly miserable when they haven't got some- thing to worry over, and Emily's the happiest woman I ever saw as long as she can worry over me! INGRAHAM But how about you? FROST Oh, I stand it as long as I can, and when the home-made remedies come too thick, I get off with the boys on a fishing trip. But Emily believes only the worst of fishing-trips. INGRAHAM What does Emily know about fishing-trips'? FROST Nothing whatever. But that doesn't matter. What a woman doesn't know, she suspects. INGRAHAM You're a philosopher, Charlie! THE MARRIAGE GAME 33 FROST No, I'm not. All the ancient wheezes and thoughts on married life are started by old bach- elors and maiden ladies. I haven't any theories about married life. But I know this ! If you've got a wife everybody wants, it's hard to keep her; if you've got a wife nobody wants it's hard to lose her. [Suspiciously, turning to INGRAHAM.] I say, Inky, what makes you so interested in matri- mony? .You aren't going to be married, are you? INGRAHAM Not that I know of. [After a moment. ,] Frost, what per cent, of married people quarrel? FROST What per cent.? all of 'em. INGRAHAM And how many of 'em make up? FROST Oh, nearly all! Lots of 'em quarrel for the fun of making up. INGRAHAM Humph! I'd sooner let go the rudder of a boat going at full speed, than quarrel with my hus- 34 THE MARRIAGE GAME band, if I were a married woman. How does she know that her boat won't be shipwrecked or taken over by some other woman"? FROST Oh, I say, Inky! INGRAHAM Yes, some lawless little privateer who cruises about under her own flag, watching her chance to slip in and capture drifting boats I tell you, Frost, there's always a woman waiting for a crit- ical moment like that. Don't the married women realize this? Don't they know that such a menace exists? FROST Lots of J em don't know it the young ones don't know much of anything. INGRAHAM Can't somebody tell 'em? I never could see why one generation didn't pass on the word to the next. Why can't fathers say to their sons, for instance : "This is where I struck a snag," or, "Look out for that shoal." THE MARRIAGE GAME 35 FROST [Hastily.} But that would be devilish em- barrassing, Inky; imagine the son, just out of col- lege saying: "Is that so, Pa? You and mother must have had a hell of a time, but Angela and I are different !" It's all very well for you to talk you're only an onlooker at the marriage game ! INGRAHAM Sometimes the onlookers see clearest. I never cared to take a hand, because I never found a part- ner to play it as it should be played. But I've fallen into the habit of watching the game and taking an interest in the players. I applaud when they win, and I hate to see them lose, for the stakes are high, and sometimes they get up from the table ruined. . . . [Rises.] [Sounds of launch.] RACIE'S VOICE [Off Left.] Why, of course it's safe, Carrie. Go on! FROST [As INGRAHAM stops suddenly.] Isn't that your sister? 36 THE MARRIAGE GAME INGRAHAM Yes, that's Racie! [At gangway.] Hello, little sister ! Here you are at last ! What's the trouble? [Moving towards gangway.} [MRS. FROST comes up from companionway with a red sweater which she gives FROST.] RACIE Hello, Inky! [She kisses him.] Here we are. At least here I am, and Carrie Packard's sitting at the bottom of the gangway vowing she can't get up. INGRAHAM What's the trouble, Mrs. Packard? RACIE How do you do, Mr. Frost? [Shakes hands with him and MRS. FROST as INGRAHAM disappears over the side down the gangway.] FROST [Very cordially.] Jolly to see you, Racie, but where's Tom? [MRS. FROST behind RACIE makes a warn- ing movement towards him.] THE MARRIAGE GAME 37 INGRAHAM'S VOICE How are you, Mrs. Packard, what's the trouble? RACIE [Expression changes.] Oh, Tom won't be here he he couldn't manage it. [A protest- ing cry from below, .] Poor Carrie Packard! Ladders make her so dizzy. [She turns back to the railing.] FROST Ouch ! Keep off my feet, Emily ! I see that I have made a break. [He throws the sweater overboard.] [MRS. PACKARD, assisted by INGRAHAM from below and RACIE from above, comes on deck. She is a big, handsome, voluble creature, smartly turned out, but mascu- line rather than dainty, in her attire] MRS. PACKARD [Breathlessly] Oh, thank you, Mr. In- graham. I know I'm a goose, but it gives me vertigo just to look at a ladder. . . . [Seeing the FROSTS, comes down] How do, Emily. How do, Charlie. [Shakes hands with them.] 38 THE MARRIAGE GAME There'll be one table for auction bridge anyway, and somebody to cut in. I hope your boat doesn't lean too much for card tables. What's her name? INGRAHAM Her name is The Bachelor. The launch is called The Chaperon. MRS. PACKARD I don't know a thing about a yacht, so I'll look over her before we begin to play [As he offers his arm.] No, Charlie can take me, you stay here and receive your other guests I'm dying to know who they are ? INGRAHAM Contrive to live ten minutes longer and I promise you a surprise. MRS. FROST [To MRS. PACKARD.] Carrie, isn't Mr. Pack- ard coming, too*? [INGRAHAM starts to sj>eak but is drowned by MRS. PACKARD.] MRS. PACKARD Oh ! Packy's not back from his last fishing-trip naturally! Packy is always just starting out THE MARRIAGE GAME 39 on one fishing-trip, or not yet back from another. We know what that means, don't we, Racie? RACIE [Hesitating, face clouds, .] I'm afraid we do! MRS. FROST [Severely.] These fishing- trips are nothing but an excuse for smoking, drinking and irregular hours. [Glares at Frost.] They break out like epidemics every Spring. FROST [Mildly.} The fish will lay eggs in the Spring* Emily. INGRAHAM [Watching RACIE'S downcast face.] I don't think the fish laying eggs have a thing to do with it. When warm weather comes along a man has just got to get out and go on some kind of a lark, just as a woman's got to go and spend more money than she ought on Easter hats. He calls it a fishing-trip and she calls it Spring shopping, but the impulse in both cases is the same. RACIE [Brightening.] Oh, if that's all 40 THE MARRIAGE GAME MRS. PACKARD [Laughing.] Mr. Ingraham, you're too inno- cent to live! How you men do stand by each other!" Luckily, we women know better than to believe all you tell us ! [Goes off R. laughing -, with MR. and MRS. FROST.] JENKS [Enters.] Beg pardon, sir, but the skipper says [Sees RACIE.] How do you do, Miss Racie? RACIE How do you do, Jenks! [Crosses to INGRA- HAM.] Inky, I'm going down to see if you have given me the best stateroom. INGRAHAM Number One as usual, Racie. RACIE All right! [Kisses him and exits down the companionway. ] JENKS The skipper says your orders were to sail at three-thirty, sir*? [The launch is heard off.] THE MARRIAGE GAME 41 INGRAHAM Yes, but two of our party aren't here yet. Tell the skipper the moment Mr. Updegraff and Mr. Packard come aboard he may get under way. JENKS Here is the launch back, sir [Looks over rail.] and it's Mr. Updegraff, with the cigarettes, sir. RACIE [Enters from companion-way.] Inky, Inky, look at this! [Holds out a card.] "Mr. and Mrs. Updegraff." Is Tom on this party? INGRAHAM Suppose he is ! RACIE It's a trap, Inky. Tom will think I've planned it. [ Tears up the card and attempts to pass him.} Tell the others I've got a dreadful headache and have gone home. INGRAHAM But you promised to chaperone for me 42 THE MARRIAGE GAME RACIE You've got plenty of chaperones . . . they're all chaperones. Let me go, Inky . . . [Falls back a pace as TOM comes up from gangway.] TOM Racie! RACIE Tom! TOM [Pulling INGRAHAM down R.] Is Racie going on this cruise? INGRAHAM Surely you don't object? TOM She's the one who will object. Did you see her face? Why, she'll think I have planned this INGRAHAM She can't. She saw your face too, remem- ber. ... I say, you couldn't give an imitation of a man who's pleased, could you? TOM There is a little mistake here, Inky I find I can't join you on this cruise after all. THE MARRIAGE GAME 43 RACIE Wait, Tom if it is my being here that makes you uncomfortable, I had much rather go myself. [Runs to gangway.} INGRAHAM No, sir'ee ! [Runs after her.} TOM You see how it is, I don't want to queer the trip or spoil Racie's fun. RACIE "My fun" ! TOM [Going to companionway.} Fake up some ex- planation to the others. INGRAHAM [Runs after him and holds him.} Stop, Tom, I can't fake up any explanation of this that would satisfy a two-years' child. TOM That's up to you, you got me into this. [Strug- gles to break away.} 44 THE MARRIAGE GAME RACIE [Same business.] You had no right to deceive me as you did. INGRAHAM Good Lord you are the worst honeymoon pair I ever tackled ! RACIE "Honeymoon" ! TOM What nonsense ! RACIE Oh ! Let me go TOM /'// do the going, you stay here. RACIE Stay yourself! INGRAHAM [Forcing them down stage.} You won't either one of you go. If you leave ten minutes after ar- riving you'll make a scandal and humiliate me on my own boat. Here you are and here you'll stop and have a honeymoon whether you want to or not! [Shakes them.] THE MARRIAGE GAME 45 MRS. FROST [Entering with MR. FROST R.] Why, Tom Updegraff, Racie said you couldn't come ! FROST At the last and final moment Good lad! [Shakes hands with TOM.] MRS. PACKARD Good for you, Tom that makes us six ! Why can't we begin playing now. How about you, Racie? RACIE [Sits L.] Not just now, Carrie! MRS. PACKARD Well, you and I, Tom, against Charlie and Emily. [Crosses to companionway .] I'm so glad you and Racie don't insist on being partners. I think married people who do that are so tire- some. [Goes down, followed by FROST and TOM.] INGRAHAM [Business with RACIE in chair.} How did things get like this, Racie? 46 THE MARRIAGE GAME RACIE I know you think I'm a silly little goose, Inky, but our wedding day isn't just an ordinary date, it's it's a symbol, it stands for the biggest thing that will ever happen to us even the baby isn't as big, somehow and when Tom left me to spend it alone, why I saw everything in a different light. INGRAHAM H'm life is full of lights and shades, Racie. But what did you do about it*? RACIE I didn't do anything INGRAHAM Superhuman good sense on your part. RACIE Tom did. He moved around to the Club. INGRAHAM Perhaps he saw things in a different light too. Come now, little sister, was it worth quarrelling about? RACIE I didn't quarrel we just talked it over THE MARRIAGE GAME 47 INGRAHAM H'm as you did just now? [Crosses and sits by her.} How is the boy? RACIE All right again splendid ! INGRAHAM Those lower teeth through? RACIE Quite. He never cries at night now. INGRAHAM Can you hear him upstairs when he does cry? RACIE No. [Casually.] But I've moved him and nurse down next to my room. INGRAHAM [Same.] Have you? And what becomes of Tom? RACIE Well, I've fitted up the rooms on the next floor for Tom. 48 THE MARRIAGE GAME INGRAHAM [With a keen glance. \ So you've put Tom into bachelor quarters on the top floor? When did this happen? RACIE I I changed the rooms while he was away on that fishing trip. [Rises and crosses L.] INGRAHAM Do you call that doing nothing? I withdraw what I said just now about superhuman good sense. RACIE [Quickly. 1 Nonsense, Inky! It's more con- venient in every way. Tom has his own bath- room there and isn't disturbed by the baby . . . INGRAHAM "Who never cries at night now." RACIE [Quickly.'] Tom said he liked the new ar- rangement that he had been on the point of sug- gesting it. THE MARRIAGE GAME 49 INGRAHAM What else could he say when he found you had done it? RACIE [Very sharp.] Inky, I believe you're taking Tom's part! INGRAHAM It's not a question of parts. You and Tom are one, though you seem to have forgotten it. Mar- ried people do, I find. [ Walks up^ and down.} RACIE [Turns.} Then you think I've made a mis- take? INGRAHAM A big one. You've taken away the chance of things righting themselves naturally. You've broken Rule I. RACIE What are you talking about? INGRAHAM The Rules of the Marriage Game. Rule I: "Don't raise barriers." There are barriers enough already to prevent any two human beings entirely 50 THE MARRIAGE GAME understanding each other, without your adding to them, in your case and Tom's, by the biggest kind of a barrier of your own raising. RACIE [Considering the toe of her slipper. \ And Rule II ? INGRAHAM [Adopting her light, impersonal tone.] Rule II? "Don't choose an all-absorbing pastime. Your husband will do likewise, and he will never choose the same one." RACIE [Muck interested.'} Like Carrie and Jim Packard. She plays auction morning, noon and night and he plays INGRAHAM Hearts. I don't altogether approve of Packy he's running with a rather loose set, but you can't much blame him. [Pause steals a glance at her.} And you couldn't blame Tom, after banishing him to bachelor quarters on the top floor, if he gets up a consolation-cruise of his own. THE MARRIAGE GAME 51 RACIE [Unhappily.] I don't know what you mean. INGRAHAM [In despair ; tossing his cigarette over the rail.} I don't suppose you do. Talk about the higher education of young women it's not half high enough yet. You go to college and are taught all about the binomial theorem and how to solve quadratics but you're not taught anything about the human animal or how to solve him. RACIE Lots of girls take domestic science and learn to keep house. INGRAHAM Yes, but do they learn to keep the peace tell me that ! There's domestic art as well as domes- tic science and there ought to be a chair of it in every woman's college and no one should marry without a diploma. [Enter JENKS, Right.] JENKS Steam is up, sir, and there is a slight fog blow- ing up out there. [RACIE takes glasses from table and goes to stern of boat.] 52 THE MARRIAGE GAME INGRAHAM [Looking at watch.] Tell the skipper he can get under way. JENKS Aye, aye, sir! [Exits R.] INGRAHAM No use waiting any longer for Jim Packard, I guess. [Goes to companionway.] Tom! Sorry to interrupt that bridge, but we're going to start. I say, Tom [TOM comes up first, fol- lowed by FROST. Takes TOM and FROST across R. TOM looks at RACIE, who goes below.} What about Packy did you catch him? TOM No I just missed him. But you needn't count on his coming on this trip. As I left the University Club, I saw him spinning by with a mighty attractive motor-bonnet and veil in his car. With a pretty woman at his elbow and knowing Packy I'll bet she was pretty he'll for- get he ever heard of your party. [He is interrupted by JIM PACKARD, a big, handsome, well-groomed fellow who runs hastily up the gangway and, seeing INGRA- THE MARRIAGE GAME 53 HAM, plunges straight down to R. C., where INGRAHAM and TOM are standing. He is met by the ASSISTANT STEWARD, who disappears R. carrying two suit-cases strapped together. PACKY carries a rain- coat over his arm.] PACKY Hello, Inky ! Hello, Charlie and Tom ! This is great ! INGRAHAM [Seizes PACKY'S hand with relief.] Good old Packy! I tried to head you off, but it's all right since you haven't brought your friend. [ToM strolls over R. and exits with FROST.] PACKY [Quickly.] But I have. [Starts as MRS. PACKARD cries in the cabin "It's a grand slam!"] My God! INGRAHAM What is it, man? Do you see a ghost? PACKY [Clutching his arm.} Th th that's not my wife? 54 THE MARRIAGE GAME IN GRAHAM Certainly, it's Carrie! PACKY Oh, Great Jumping Jupiter ! You don't mean my wife's here? [He reels against the skylight seat and shows signs of collapse.] INGRAHAM I never saw such people. They hate the sight of each other. Damned if I ever plan a pleasant surprise again! PACKY [Rising and going to him.] This is an awful mess. You said it was to be a bachelor cruise. I took you at your word and brought a friend. INGRAHAM All right, keep your hair on ! We'll tuck your friend in somehow. He can bunk with me. PACKY [Hisses in his ear.} It isn't a he, you duffer! INGRAHAM [Yells.] What? You don't mean it's a woman? THE MARRIAGE GAME 55 PACKY You said it was a bachelor-cruise. . . . INGRAHAM Stop saying that, can't you? Suppose it was what the devil made you think I'd stand for this sort of thing*? The fellows you've been running with may do it, but you know it doesn't go on this boat. PACKY [Stammering.} I didn't stop to think, I was so keen on getting her to come. She's the digni- fied, stand-off kind I never could make any head- way with her INGRAHAM The thing is to head her off now. Where is she? PACKY I sent the launch back for her. I told her the party was mine I had to, to get her to come. If I'd known you were asking ladies I'd have cut my hand off sooner than [The launch is heard.} INGRAHAM We must head her off! [They start forward toward gangway.} No, not there! Your wife 56 THE MARRIAGE GAME will hear us. Come to the service gangway. I'll signal them to bring the launch there. [As IN- GRAHAM and PACKY exit R. MRS. OLIVER, a beautiful^ high-bred looking woman, appears at the head of the gangway, pauses for a moment, then, not seeing any one, comes down C. In a moment RACIE re-enters Left by the companion- way, and approaches her.] MRS. OLIVER [With charming, well-bred hesitation to RA- CIE.] This is The Bachelor, isn't it? RACIE [Advancing with quick courtesy.] Yes, and I can't think why my brother isn't here to welcome you. Do forgive him. I'm his sister Mrs. Up- degraff. MRS. OLIVER [Hesitatingly taking RACIE'S outstretched hand.] And I am Mrs. Oliver. [!NGRAHAM and PACKY re-enter behind the skylight, which shelters them from "view.] It must seem very odd, my arriving all alone like this, but Mr. . . . [Hesitating an instant. PACKY drops down and hides behind skylight.] THE MARRIAGE GAME 57 RACIE Mr. Oliver couldn't come 1 ? I see. I'm glad that didn't keep you away. My husband didn't come either until the very last moment, [As INGRAHAM crosses the deck to them.] Inky, why weren't you here to introduce Mrs. Oliver to me? She had to do it herself. [PACKY makes signals to INGRAHAM and then shelters himself behind the mast.] INGRAHAM [Looking utterly nonplussed but mechanically courteous, .] I I beg your pardon RACIE And Mr. Oliver can't come isn't it a pity? INGRAHAM "Mr. Oliver"? MRS. OLIVER [Quickly. 1 He insisted on my coming with- out him but perhaps I shouldn't have done so? [Her eye wanders about in search of escape, ,] RACIE [Gaily forestalling INGRAHAM, who is about 58 THE MARRIAGE GAME to speak.} Why not? All of us came without our husbands, at least I did and Mrs. Packard. [Takes MRS. OLIVER'S arm and leads her to MRS. PACKARD, leaving INGRAHAM transfixed in stony despair.} Mrs. Packard Mrs. Oliver. [There is a gasp from PACKARD hiding be- hind his mackintosh.} MRS. PACKARD \Eriskly.} Delighted to meet you. You play bridge? MRS. OLIVER Auction yes. MRS. PACKARD Good! That makes us seven two tables with dummy. [Turns to INGRAHAM while RACIE takes MRS. OLIVER to MRS. FROST and pre- sents them to each other. They stand talking R.} INGRAHAM [To MRS. PACKARD.] You won't need dummy! Your husband is on board. [PACKY tries to exit by gangway.} THE MARRIAGE GAME 59 MRS. PACKARD [Turns quickly.} Why, Packy. I thought you were on a fishing-trip. How lucky you should turn up. That makes us eight. PACKY I I don't feel a bit well, dear. I think I'll go on shore. [INGRAHAM seizes one of his arms, MRS. PACKARD the other.} INGRAHAM [Grimly.} You can't desert us now. MRS. PACKARD Nonsense! [Joyfully.} Two tables com- plete. You and I, Mr. Ingraham, Racie and Charlie, Emily and Tom, Packy can have this other woman for a partner. Come and meet her. [Drags the unwilling PACKARD across to MRS. OLIVER.] Mrs. Oliver my husband, Mr. Pack- ard. He plays a good hand at bridge, you shall have him for a partner ! [Tableau: MRS. OLIVER, PACKARD and MRS. PACKARD down front. RACIE and MRS. FROST Leff, TOM and FROST enter on Right and INGRAHAM up stage to right 60 THE MARRIAGE GAME of MRS. OLIVER. A shrill whistle cuts off MRS. OLIVER'S reply and announces the departure of the boat.} QUICK CURTAIN END OF ACT I ACT II TIME: Five o'clock, on the same afternoon. SCENE: The saloon of the yacht, daintily and charmingly decorated, with glistening white woodwork, seats upholstered in flowered chintz, floor covered with rugs. The three doors io the three guest staterooms are in a row across the back of the stage. No. i, the Updegrafs' stateroom on the right; No. 2, the Frosts' stateroom, in the centre, and No. j, the Pack- ards' stateroom on the left. On the right up stage, is the door to the Owner's cabin, now occupied by Mrs. Oliver. Just below it is a narrow door into a passageway leading forward to the galley and below that is a sideboard, built into the wall, and with a tray of glasses on it, decanters, siphons and apparatus for r $re- and glancing from the score to MRS. OLIVER who adds this last trick to the pile in front of her.] Magnificent! That gives you and Mrs. Oliver two odd, game and rubber! Mrs. Packard and Tom are no- where. [MRS. OLIVER opens her lifts to speak but fog horn drowns her voice.] MRS. PACKARD [Turning cordially to MRS. OLIVER.] Good bridge! I do respect anybody who can beat me at my own game, and I never found a woman who was my match at auction before! [Shaking hands with her] We must see a lot of you in town ! Packy, make a note of Mrs. Oliver's ad- dress. [PACKARD, flashing a frightened look at MRS. OLIVER and then at his wife. 64 THE MARRIAGE GAME fumbles in his vest pocket. INGRAHAM hands him a score pencil and mutely warns him.} MRS. OLIVER I er we are in an apartment hotel at 62 East 7 1st Street. [PACKARD writes this in his address book.} MRS. FROST [From the other table where they have finished playing.] You put it down too, Charles! Mrs. Oliver has promised to send me a cook. FROST [Scribbling the address on his shirt cuff.] "Sixty-two East yist Street." Thafs very near us. MRS. OLIVER Is it? FROST And nearer still to you, Tom. TOM [As the fog horn gives a sharp final toot.] Yes, we are in 6pth Street neighbors! May we call? THE MARRIAGE GAME 65 [INGRAHAM and PACKY exchange horrified glances.} MRS. OLIVER [Rising.] Thank you! You're very kind. [Is about to turn away but RACIE draws her down to the circular seat, still talking.] RACIE My day at home is Thursday [INGRAHAM and PACKY rise simultaneously, PACKY upsetting his chair.] INGRAHAM Mix yourself a cocktail, Packy! [To the others.] I think the fog must be lifting. [Exits up companionway.} [PACKARD goes to sideboard and begins to mix cocktails.] MRS. PACKARD [Rising and approaching MRS. OLIVER with extended cigarette-case.] Have a cigarette? MRS. OLIVER [Apologetically.] No, thanks, I don't smoke. I'm horribly old-fashioned. [PACKY shakes the cocktail-mixer violently.] 66 THE MARRIAGE GAME MRS. FROST [Rising and joining Mrs. Oliver approvingly. ] I'm old-fashioned, too. I never can get used to seeing my friends smoke. [Sits left of her on circular seat. RACIE is on her right.] MRS. PACKARD You'll have one, won't you, Racie? [Passes the case to her, and after RACIE has taken one, takes one herself, and stands leaning over MRS. OLIVER.] [INGRAHAM re-enters down companion- way.] INGRAHAM [Briskly.} On deck, all of you! [Nobody stirs.] This breeze is blowing the fog away. MRS. PACKARD [Reluctantly glancing at the card table.] It would be too windy for the cards on deck, I sup- pose. INGRAHAM Blow them to Jericho ! [Crossing to sideboard where he helps PACKY.] We'll have another rubber to-night after dinner if you like. THE MARRIAGE GAME 67 MRS. PACKARD [Resignedly.] Oh, very well. It seems wicked to waste time with such a player as Mrs. Oliver aboard. MRS. OLIVER Thank you, Mrs. Packard. [With great charm.'] It's sheer cowardice in me to stop now without giving you your revenge. I'm only put- ting off the day of reckoning as long as I can. No, thank you! No, really! [To PACKY, who approaches her with a glass in each hand, and nervously offers her a cocktail. He does the same to MRS. FROST and RACIE, who shake their heads, .] My playing was all luck I happened to hold the cards and have a good part- ner. MRS. PACKARD [Positively.] That's just what you didn't have! Packy played vilely! How could you, Packy"? [Accepts a cocktail from the wretched PACKY and says to him reproachfully, .] After I'd recommended you to Mrs. Oliver too, and fairly saddled you on her as a partner. [PACKY, not knowing which way to look, gulps the remaining cocktail and chokes. \ 68 THE MARRIAGE GAME TOM I'll do better by you than Mr. Packard has if you'll give me a chance after dinner? 'Tisn't fair that he should monopolize you. Going on deck? [As MRS. OLIVER rises, he offers her his arm, and they exeunt up the companionway, talking.] MRS. OLIVER Oh, I should like to, if the breeze is coming up it's the very time to go up. FROST I call that cool, calmly annexing the best player in the bunch. MRS. PACKARD Tom seems to have cheered up! He looked glum enough early this afternoon, when we came on board. RACIE [Aside to INGRAHAM; buttonholing him, and getting him down Left.] Inky, I have a plan. Mrs. Oliver feels so badly about having turned you out of your stateroom THE MARRIAGE GAME 69 INGRAHAM She needn't. I shall be all right with the skipper. RACIE Of course; if Mr. Oliver had come, it couldn't have been helped ; tho' I never knew you to invite more people than you had space for, before but as he didn't come, let me take Mrs. Oliver in with me, and you and Tom share your stateroom. There's an idea ! INGRAHAM [Appalled.] Not for worlds! RACIE But why not*? [Easily.] Tom won't mind ask him ! INGRAHAM What you propose is impossible RACIE [Pouts.] I don't see why it is impossible! I think Mrs. Oliver's charming. [Kneels on centre seat plumping up the cushions.] Why haven't any of us met her before? 70 THE MARRIAGE GAME FROST [Strolling across, hands in pockets. ,] Yes. Who is she, Inky? INGRAHAM Mrs. Oliver is the wife of [Hesitates an instant.] RACIE [Pertly.] Of Mr. Oliver! Yes, we know that! [PACKARD sits down heavily.] INGRAHAM An an old acquaintance of mine. Haven't seen him for years. [STEWARD enters and clears the tables away.] MRS. FROST Then how came you to invite them on this trip? You told me just intimate friends. INGRAHAM [Flashing a look at PACKY.] An intimate friend asked me to be nice to them. FROST Well, I should think it would be easy to be nice to her what's the husband like 9 THE MARRIAGE GAME 71 INGRAHAM [Crosses to R.] Bill Oliver is a a stock- broker. RACIE [Interrupting.} Why, she said his name was Jim! INGRAHAM Yes, yes, "Jim," of course. He's just a stock- broker. MRS. PACKARD That's odd. She told me he was interested in horses. Said he breeds race horses and sells 'em abroad. INGRAHAM [PACKY kicks INGRAHAM.] That's it. A stock-raiser, not a stockbroker. Knew it was something about "stock"! Nice fellow, Oliver. Racie, don't you want something over your shoulders? RACIE No, I'm not cold. MRS. PACKARD Well, I am, I must get a sweater. Excuse me ! [Exits to stateroom.} 72 THE MARRIAGE GAME FROST Stockbroker, eh ? Well, he's got a mighty nice wife. I don't know when I've been so drawn to anybody! [Exits up steps. ,] [INGRAHAM and PACKARD exchange haunted glances.} MRS. FROST I think she must come from Boston. She has such a refined face! [Exits into stateroom.} RACIE Inky, where did you meet her? INGRAHAM [Desperately.} I met her on a boat. RACIE Mr. Oliver has a yacht too, I suppose. INGRAHAM Ye yes, he has. RACIE [Going to steps.} Hope she'll ask us on it sometime. [PACKY rises suddenly.} INGRAHAM [Hisses in his ear.} Stay here ! THE MARRIAGE GAME 73 RACIE Do you know, I feel as if I'd known her for ages! [RACIE goes up.] INGRAHAM [Savagely to PACKY.] This is a nice mess! PACKY [Same.] You bet it is. What possessed you to spin all those yarns about Mr. Oliver"? INGRAHAM [Whirling round.} And you sit there and criticise me, while I'm dancing on a giddy tight- rope of lies to save your neck. Your ingratitude is sickening, Packy. [Walks away.] PACKY I'm too scared to be grateful. Get me out of this hole, and I'll black your boots for the rest of my life. INGRAHAM [Coming back.] Get yourself out. Go to Mrs. Oliver like a man and ask her to invent some excuse for leaving the boat. PACKY [Imploringly.] No, no, Inky, you speak to her. You're the captain; order her to leave! 74 THE MARRIAGE GAME INGRAHAM Don't be an ass ! I can't be rude to a woman, I don't care who she is, on my own quarter deck. Besides, I don't know her. PACKY And I barely know her! That's the truth! [As INGRAHAM looks skeptical.] She's kept me at arm's length ever since I met her, and hang it all, I had to do something, so I framed up this yacht story; she'd no idea there'd be any one but just us two, I swear to you. INGRAHAM [Thoughtfully.] Humph! She doesn't seem exactly your kind, Packy. She's miles too good for this sort of thing. PACKY I can't imagine how she got into it. She is too good for it! Lord! What a wife she'd have made! INGRAHAM What makes you think that? PACKY [Simply.] Any woman who'd put in all her time making life attractive to me, looks awfully THE MARRIAGE GAME 75 good to me! Carrie thinks of nothing but auc- tion but this woman can play a stunning game of bridge and do all the other things too. INGRAHAM She's a clever creature ! Has captivated every- body! Frost is thawing in rivers! PACKARD I never saw old Charlie act that way before. He's as happy as a cat with butter, and he has no idea why! INGRAHAM [Crossing to Left.} It's Tom I'm worrying about. PACKARD [Sharply.] Tom! The woman's not a cradle-snatcher ! INGRAHAM [Slowly.] Tom's in an inflammable state just now, and I can't have this little privateer slipping in alongside. PACKARD Odd, devilish odd, how she makes you feel you'd rather tie up to her than any craft afloat. 76 THE MARRIAGE GAME INGRAHAM Rather hard on Carrie! PACKARD No, really ! I feel very kindly towards Carrie. [Speaks low in INGRAHAM'S ear.] You know those pearls she's wearing"? That's a joke on her they're genuine! INGRAHAM [Sitting C.] "Genuine"! Naturally. Why should your wife wear imitation*? PACKARD That's the joke she thinks they're imitation! INGRAHAM I'm hanged if I follow you! PACKY You see, Carrie's been awfully unlucky at bridge lately lost several thousand -came to me about a month ago and said she was going to sell her pearls. I said: " Oh, shucks, don't do that," and offered to put up a bond or two. But no, she's awfully straight from the shoulder, Carrie is. Said they were her debts, and she'd pay 'em sell THE MARRIAGE GAME 77 the pearls and get a good imitation string who'd know the difference*? Hoped I wouldn't mind. . . . INGRAHAM You'd given 'em to her? [During the next speech MRS. OLIVER comes down stairs unnoticed.] PACKY Wedding present! Neither of us is much on sentiment but I couldn't stand that. So I said I'd drive a better bargain than she would; she handed 'em over, and a week later I brought her three thousand and a string of "fake" pearls same old necklace of course! She admired the imitation said you couldn't tell 'em from the real! [Laughs.] INGRAHAM But aren't you going to tell her? PACKY Oh, sometime ! 'Twon't do her any harm, for a while, to think she's wearin' "fake" pearls [INGRAHAM, who has caught sight of MRS. OLIVER, beats a hasty retreat door JR.] 78 THE MARRIAGE GAME PACKY Oh, I say, Inky? Where are you going? MRS. OLIVER [Coming down.] Oh, Mr. Packard! I'm in such difficulty! PACKY [Contritely.'] I know, it's a beastly shame, and it's all my fault, every bit of it. MRS. OLIVER [Interrupting him in a low voice.] It's my suit-case it was with your bags in the motor PACKY By Jove! I never once thought MRS. OLIVER And I'm afraid it's with your bags now, in your stateroom. PACKY Good Lord! MRS. OLIVER If you wouldn't mind looking THE MARRIAGE GAME 79 PACKY [Quickly.] Why no! Of course not! [Starts towards his stateroom^ comes back and whispers.] Was your name on it? MRS. OLIVER [Same.] No, just XXX. PACKY I'll get it. [Goes to his stateroom door, tries to enter i jumps back and says in hoarse whisper.] I forgot my wife was there! [In a high piping voice.] Nobody! Nothing at all! MRS. PACKARD [Coming out.] Oh, it's you, Packy. What did you want"? PACKY A handkerchief. [Aside to MRS. OLIVER.] I'll get the bag when she goes on deck. MRS. PACKARD [Turns back and hands him one from inside the stateroom.] There you are! Jenks un- packed your luggage. He knew perfectly well well you'd never do it yourself. [At steps.] Coming on deck? 8o THE MARRIAGE GAME PACKY Not now. Got a headache. MRS. PACKARD [Laughs.] Too much fishing-trip? Well, if you've got a headache, the deck's the place for you. Won't you come, Mrs. Oliver 1 ? [Takes him by arm, he resists.] You want fresh air! [She drags him up.] PACKY I'd much prefer staying here [Motions to MRS. OLIVER to get the bag herself, when they are gone.] [As MRS. OLIVER goes quickly to the PACK- ARDS' stateroom, FROST enters R.] FROST Oh! There you are! [MRS. OLIVER turns to bookcase, taking down a book at random from the shelf coming down, book in hand.] Every- body's asking for you. MRS. OLIVER [On steps.] Oh! Are they? FROST Let 'em ask. [As she starts up steps.] Stay here and talk to me! [Taking her book as they THE MARRIAGE GAME 81 sit C.] Don't read ! I've had my nose in a book most of my life, and I've just begun to realize that the proper study of mankind is woman! MRS. OLIVER [Smiling.} I should think your education had been a liberal one? FROST [Much flattered.} I've had a good solid foun- dation, but do you know I often wish now I'd taken more extras. MRS. OLIVER The more frivolous branches'? It's never too late to mend. FROST You think I'm not too old to learn? MRS. OLIVER I shouldn't call thirty-nine old. FROST [Pleased.} Should you really take me for thirty-nine? MRS. OLIVER There or thereabouts. You're younger than your wife, aren't you? 82 THE MARRIAGE GAME FROST [Nervously, glancing over shoulder.] As a matter of fact, I am, but she doesn't like it men- tioned. MRS. OLIVER And you've a much younger temperament. You have a sense of humor; she has a sense of duty. FROST [Sighs.] Emily is most conscientious. She takes such care of my health MRS. OLIVER Your health*? Why, you look so strong. FROST [Artlessly.] As a matter of fact, I'm as hard as nails, but she thinks I have a weak chest. [During this conversation, FROST has drawn himself up from his usual lounging atti- tude, till he looks twice the man he did] MRS. OLIVER [Surveying him.] A weak chest what! with those shoulders! THE MARRIAGE GAME 83 FROST [Simply.] I made the crew at Harvard. MRS. OLIVER At Harvard? FROST [Eagerly.] Yes, those were days! Ever happen to see any of the Cambridge boat-races'? MRS. OLIVER Indeed I did [Catches herself.] A long time ago. Are you still fond of rowing? FROST Yes, but Emily thinks the strain is bad for the heart ! MRS. OLIVER Don't tell me you have a weak heart! FROST [Looks at her.] It's under a considerable strain right now! [MRS. OLIVER laughs and rises. He follows her, doesn't see MRS. FROST open her stateroom door, and then draw back, and listen.} Oh, don't go! I never met a woman like you before you know, you're dif- 84 THE MARRIAGE GAME ferent^ somehow. [At steps.] Yes! Let's find a quiet place on deck TOM AND PACKY [Running down.] I say, Frost, this is monopoly! Mrs. Oliver might like a little air! MRS. OLIVER [Quickly.] Mr. Frost was just asking me to come on deck. Weren't you, Mr. Frost? [She runs up the steps with FROST, sur- rounded and followed by the two men a moment later.] MRS. FROST [ Who has come out of her stateroom repeats, staring after them.] "Never met a woman like you before find a quiet place on deck" [About to follow them.] MRS. PACKARD AND RACIE [Entering from R.] Where's Mrs. Oliver? Where are the men? MRS. FROST Find Mrs. Oliver, and you'll find the men ! THE MARRIAGE GAME 85 MRS. PACKARD Yes, I'm beginning to think it's that way my- self. RACIE [Warmly.] Well, you can't blame them for it. She is perfectly charming. MRS. PACKARD [Sits centre, MRS. FROST on bench L.] Queer! I never knew Packy to be attracted by a woman of that type before ! MRS. FROST AND RACIE [Together.} What type? MRS. PACKARD Oh just a nice woman, a married woman like us! MRS. FROST [Who is thinking hard.} That's it she's like us only different! Do you know, I don't feel so sure she's from Boston ! RACIE [Honestly.'] She's nicer than we are! I do like her! And I wonder how she does it? 86 THE MARRIAGE GAME MRS. FROST AND MRS. PACKARD Does what? RACIE Oh you know! Makes you want to fall at her feet without lifting a finger! I never met a woman with so much charm! MRS. FROST [Snorts.] Charm! Unless a woman wants something she has no business to get, she has no need of charm! MRS. OLIVER [ Has obviously come back for suit-case. Look- ing at them from steps. \ Oh, here you are! I thought I'd find you on deck. Aren't you com- ing up"? RACIE As soon as we ve finished talking about you. MRS. PACKARD [As MRS. OLIVER draws back.] Oh, don't be frightened! We were saying the most compli- mentary things! Excepting Emily here, who swears you come from Boston. THE MARRIAGE GAME 87 MRS. OLIVER [Coming down and sitting by MRS. PACKARD.] Mrs. Frost couldn't pay me a higher compliment I wish I deserved it. MRS. FROST Where do you er MRS. OLIVER Paris is where I've lived most. MRS. PACKARD Ah? MRS. FROST Oh-h-h! RACIE Cheer up, Emily! Quite nice people do come from Paris! [To MRS. OLIVER.] Think of living among those heavenly shops ! MRS. OLIVER It isn't the shops I love, tho' they are fascinat- ing. It's Paris itself. Paris in April, when the chestnuts are in bloom, and the lilacs are out in the Bois! I can shut my eyes and smell them now, and see the golden dust above the Arc de Triomphe as one drives toward it at sunset. And 88 THE MARRIAGE GAME the bridges at night with their long lines of lights, and their velvety black shadows, with a big yel- low moon coming up behind the Beaux-Arts. Oh, Paris [Checks herself.] MRS. FROST New York must seem quite dull in comparison ! I wonder you could bear to change? MRS. OLIVER On the contrary, I greatly prefer American life. MRS. PACKARD What strikes you as the chief difference be- tween the two? MRS. OLIVER On the Continent, it's the man for whose bene- fit society is organized. In America, everything revolves about the woman. The attitude of the average Frenchman towards women is intoler- able! Now the American man treats women as his equals. MRS. FROST As his superiors, you mean! MRS. OLIVER Yes! Any woman who couldn't get along with American men THE MARRIAGE GAME 89 MRS. FROST Even American men will bear watching! But one hears such dreadful stories of the conduct of European husbands! I don't see how a French wife can ever feel certain ! MRS. OLIVER She couldn't, if she conducted herself on the American plan. THE THREE WOMEN [Together.] "The American plan"? What do you mean ? MRS. OLIVER Well, to be quite candid, American wives strike me after a long residence abroad as being rather careless ! MRS. FROST [Indignantly.] Careless! When I've never let Charlie get wet feet, not once since we were married ! MRS. PACKARD Don't be a goose, Emily! Feet aren't the point. Mrs. Oliver means that the American wife doesn't stay on her job 90 THE MARRIAGE GAME RACIE [Earnestly.] What is a wife's job? MRS. OLIVER [Lightly.] Isn't it to convince her husband that she is the only woman in the world worth his attention*? MRS. FROST But a wife can't stoop to a vulgar struggle of that kind ! She should stand on her dignity ! MRS. OLIVER Some do. [Smiles.] But it's a lonely eleva- tion! MRS. PACKARD A wife had better abandon her dignity than to have her husband abandon her, you mean? Of course it's only in France that such things hap- pen ! And how does this wonderful French wife manage to convince the man that she's the only one worth his attention? MRS. OLIVER [A little restive under the sarcasm of this.] Mainly by being worth it, in every detail, and by doing it afresh every day. THE MARRIAGE GAME 91 MRS. PACKARD [Rather contemptuously.] Oh, you mean the conquests of the toilet-table ! We all know the French excel in cosmetics and lingerie ! MRS. OLIVER [Stung.] Well, really, Mrs. Packard, it's not quite so simple as that. In addition to being an expert in personal charm, the French woman culti- vates her mind until she is one of the cleverest talkers and most sympathetic listeners the world can show. This requires time. MRS. PACKARD [Carelessly.} Heavens, yes! How does she ever find time MRS. FROST [Slyly.] For bridge 4 ? MRS. PACKARD [Quite seriously.} Yes! That reminds me I've a problem in my suit-case wait till I show you the hand [Disappears into her stateroom. Mrs. Oli- ver nervous.] 92 THE MARRIAGE GAME RACIE There goes Carrie! [With pretended light- ness.'] Your model Frenchwoman never does anything so stupid as quarrel with her husband, does she*? MRS. OLIVER [Looking earnestly at RACIE.] She never does anything so dangerous! If she is really trying to protect her happiness against any in- fluences which menace it, a quarrel robs her of her strongest weapon. RACIE [In a low voice.} Her strongest weapon*? MRS. OLIVER Her tenderness. [RACIE remains quite still for a moment, turning her wedding-ring on her finger.} [Suddenly upon their silence, MRS. PACK- ARD re-enters hastily from her stateroom, her face flushed, and carrying an open suit-case. MRS. OLIVER quails on seeing her, then recovers her courage, and faces the situation without flinching.} THE MARRIAGE GAME 93 MRS. PACKARD Oh! Oh! Oh! Emily! Racie! Girls! [In a choked voice.} Look at that! What would your model French wife say to that, I won- der? [Dumps the suit-case on the circular seat in the midst of them.] Or that or that? [Holds up_ a lace negligee cap in one hand, and a filmy dressing-gown in the other.] RACIE [Seizing the dressing-gown.] How heavenly, Carrie! Is it yours? [MRS. FROST holds up a hare's foot and slippers.] MRS. PACKARD It certainly is not! Does it look like my prop- erty? Or Packy's? MRS. FROST [With night-gown case.] Oh-h! Is there no name on the case? MRS. PACKARD [Looking at end of case.] No! Just "XXX" 3 X's like a barrel of flour 94 THE MARRIAGE GAME [Crosses and sits Center with stocking in hand.] and strapped to one of Packy's. [Stops short. MRS. FROST gives a cry of horror.] Yes! Packy came here directly from his fishing-trip didn't even go home, but drove to the Club, found Inky's wire there, and came on here bag and bag- gage. [Wipes eyes with silk stocking.] And I would like to know what baggage is responsible for this! [She runs her bare forearm up the stocking and holds it out, displaying a succession of diamond-shaped medallions of black lace, which are distinctly visible^ as she flourishes them before RACIE, MRS. OLIVER and MRS. FROST, who recoil as from a viper.} MRS. OLIVER [With an effort.] It's a beautiful design! MRS. PACKARD Oh, she's a designing wretch whoever she is! Is that the outfit of a lady"? I may have my nose over the bridge table most of the time, but I've got eyes and ears too, and those stock- ings speak louder than words. [Flourishes them again.] THE MARRIAGE GAME 95 FROST'S VOICE [From companioniuay, above.] What are you all about down there? MRS. FROST [In a panic.] Quick! Carrie! It's Charlie! [Clutches the case.] I wouldn't have Charlie see those things for anything in the world ! MRS. PACKARD Then head your Charlie off! [MRS. OLIVER exits into her stateroom.] MRS. FROST [Going up.] Don't come down, Charlie, I'm coming up. RACIE You don't really think MRS. PACKARD [Calmly.] Think, my dear, I know. Long experience has taught me that this [Indicating contents of suit-case.] is the bait for fishing- trips. I never expected Jim Packard to be a saint if I had I'd have been disappointed, but heretofore [Sits down heavily.] he's always 96 THE MARRIAGE GAME been considerate enough to keep his escapades out of my sight. RACIE [Appalled.] And that's your idea of consid- eration keeping things from you? MRS. PACKARD My dear child, don't be so horrified. Your husband does just the same. RACIE Tom? Never! MRS. PACKARD [Tolerantly.] Of course not. He's the one exception in the world . . . and every woman thinks so! RACIE Oh, but I know that Tom. . . . [Stops suddenly.} MRS. PACKARD [Kindly., seeing RACIE' s distress."} Well, well you've only been married a couple of years. Perhaps you've succeeded in keeping Tom tied to your apron strings. THE MARRIAGE GAME 97 RACIE [Indignantly.} Indeed, I haven't. MRS. PACKARD Oh, you don't like that either? Well, if you don't want him tied, and you don't want him free, what do you want? RACIE For him to stay, not because he's tied, but be- cause he wants to. [Exits into her stateroom and slams door.} MRS. PACKARD [Who has followed her to door.} What's the use of your getting into a rage with me? [Turns as FROST enters and looks inquisitively at suit- case.} Excuse me! [Goes down to table, crams things into suit- case and puts it under the circular seat.} FROST [Sees a stocking that MRS. PACKARD has dropped, and picks it up.} What's this? MRS. PACKARD What's what? [MRS. PACKARD crosses, snatches stocking from him and crams it in her 98 THE MARRIAGE GAME pocket.} Thank you! [Goes up steps.} [FROST left alone with the suit-case pulls it out, opens it, and gleefully examines con- tents piece by piece until MRS. FROST en- ters.} MRS. FROST [Calls.} Charlie! Charles, what have you there? FROST Oh nothing. Nothing whatever! [Hides negligee under front of coat.} MRS. FROST [Turning him around.} Do you call that nothing? [Pulls it out.} FROST Oh, that little trifle? It's nothing! There's nothing in it. MRS. FROST Perhaps you had rather there were something in it. [Shuts case and shoves it under seat.} Charles, are you responsible for the contents of that suit-case? THE MARRIAGE GAME 99 FROST Don't be silly, Emily how should I know anything about the contents of that suit-case? I do not ! But I am willing to learn ! MRS. FROST Charles ! FROST Yes, why don't you get a few things like this instead of that old blue flannel wrapper and your hair in curl papers you know a fellow gets awfully tired of that sort of thing. MRS. FROST You, Charles, a sober middle-aged man? FROST I'm not so old that I haven't got a leaning towards pretty things of that kind. MRS. FROST Oh, if that's all FROST It's not all but it's something it'll help ! MRS. FROST Charles Frost, you must be out of your head ! Me wear things like that! Why, I never did, ioo THE MARRIAGE GAME nor my mother, nor my grandmother before me! FROST Perhaps it would have been better if they had ! You know, Emily, every man likes to look at a red apple occasionally! [Ton runs down companionway.] MRS. FROST [Indignantly, crossing R.] So did Adam! Apples ! I'll get you a mustard plaster. [Exits R.] TOM [Pausing on steps.} I say, Frost, what's the trouble? FROST [Going R.] "Trouble"! How do you mean "trouble"? TOM [Coming down.] Mrs. Frost seemed upset. FROST I hadn't noticed anything nothing unusual! [Turning on TOM.] My wife's all right! She suits me! I like her like that. That's the way I like her! THE MARRIAGE GAME 101 [Exits R. as RACIE comes out of her state- room and meets TOM at C.] TOM I beg your pardon! [Turns to go.] RACIE [As he turns away.] Wait, Tom! I hope you don't think I planned this! TOM [Facing her squarely.] See here, Racie! I'm not going to force myself on you. You've showed me pretty plainly how you feel RACIE You showed me that you wanted your liberty and I gave it to you. TOM Liberty! Rubbish! Because a man wants to go on a fishing trip with a few friends ! RACIE Carrie Packard says TOM I don't care what anybody says, Racie there was nothing for you to get upset over 102 THE MARRIAGE GAME RACIE [Quickly.} It was the time you selected for your trip TOM I didn't select the time the boys did that. RACIE [Sits C.] But you never remembered that the fifteenth was our anniversary. . . . TOM [Sits by her.] That went clean out of my head. I was so all-fired busy before I left, it didn't occur to me, but, by jingo! when it did, didn't I cut out the rest of the cruise, take a train at Portsmouth and get back late that evening with a little present in my pocket for you, and a little supper all planned RACIE [Surprised.] But, Tom, you never told me that! TOM I never had the chance ! When I got back that night after a whole day's travel to make it, you know what I found a locked door an invisible THE MARRIAGE GAME 103 wife, and all my things moved upstairs. Not that I mind that I like the new arrangement! But it was the way you did it no man'll stand being treated like a bad boy ! RACIE [Leaning her head on her hand.} I never thought married life could be so difficult! It looks so easy. TOM Other people seem to get along all right. RACIE [Protestingly.] Yes, but where do they get to? Either they "shake down" and become fond of each other in a horrid, nagging, middle-aged fashion, like the Frosts, or they grow farther and farther apart, like Carrie and Jim Packard each going their own way, and only meeting by chance. Carrie told me this was the first week-end she and Jim had spent together this year, and this was an accident. Isn't there any middle path? TOM Of course there is. But we've got to give in to each other occasionally. 104 THE MARRIAGE GAME RACIE [Making an involuntary movement towards him.] It's that "occasionally" that makes all the trouble. Each one always thinks it's the other's turn to give in! TOM [Putting his hand under her chin, and tipping her face up.] Then we ought to have a schedule. RACIE Yes! You give in to me on Mondays, Wed- nesdays and Fridays, and I'll give in to you Tues- days, Thursdays and Saturdays. TOM [Puffing his arm around her.] And Sundays? RACIE Sundays, we'll have a good fight and catch even. TOM [Kissing her.] I say, Racie, why aren't you always as jolly as this*? [!N GRAHAM enters on kiss and slips out again.} THE MARRIAGE GAME 105 RACIE [Coaxingly.} Tom, what was the present"? TOM [Surprised.] Oh, the anniversary present? RACIE Yes, yes, you haven't . . . TOM [Pretending embarrassment to tease her.] Why, I selected a pair of garter buckles, beauties they were, too, but of course after what happened, I didn't think you'd care for them, so I I - RACIE [Interrupting him with a little cry.] Oh! Tom! I know! . . . You've given them to someone else ! [Covers her face -with her hands. [ TOM Why, Racie! [As she bursts into tears, still covering her face, he draws out of his pocket a jew- eller's case, opens it so that the audience may see a pair of diamond buckles inside, and is about to give it to RACIE.] io6 THE MARRIAGE GAME RACIE [In a sob) 'without lifting her head.] Carrie Packard was right! TOM [Draws back the case and says sternly.} What has Mrs. Packard to do with it? How is she right? RACIE [Still hiding her face.} She told me I was a fool to trust you to go off on fishing-trips. . . . TOM [Closing the case and returning it to his pocket.} Oh, she did, did she? That was kind of Mrs. Packard! And you believed everything she told you? You thought because Jim goes in for certain things, that I ... RACIE [Interrupting.} Sometimes on trips like these there are women aboard ! TOM [Hotly.} Well, there might be any amount for all I care! That sort of woman doesn't ap- peal to me in the least. THE MARRIAGE GAME 107 RACIE [Stung.] Oh, it's only because such a woman doesn't appeal to you then*? If she did . . . TOM Racie, have you taken leave of your senses? RACIE No, I've just come to them. [As they stand confronting each other, MRS. OLIVER enters Right, sees TOM and RACIE, 'pauses the fraction of a second, and goes straight on.] MRS. OLIVER The sun's coming out beautifully. Aren't you going on deck, Mrs. Updegraff? RACIE [Recovering herself, and retreating into her stateroom.] Yes! As soon as I get my hat! [Closes door.} MRS. OLIVER [To cover TOM'S confusion.] Mr. Ingraham says we'll soon be starting now. TOM [Irritably.] I hope so! This sticking in an eternal fog gets on my nerves! [His voice io8 THE MARRIAGE GAME softens before her gaze and he adds, more gently. \ Won't you have a cocktail? MRS. OLIVER No, thanks. I never take them. Mix your- self one, and give me a glass of vichy, please. [As TOM goes down to the sideboard, she enters her stateroom for a moment, but does not close the door.} [Four bells are struck above.} [Speaking from her stateroom.} Surely it's later than four o'clock? TOM [Busy at the sideboard.} That's four bells, six o'clock, ship time, you know. MRS. OLIVER [Coming out of her stateroom wearing the hat in which she first ap'peared, but with a motor- veil wound round it, and a long coat over her arm.} I didn't know. TOM [Puzzled.} Why, I thought you understood all about boats ! THE MARRIAGE GAME 109 MRS. OLIVER [Puzzled.] Why, what ever made you think that? [Comes down to him.] TOM Some one was saying that Mr. Oliver [Breaks off as she comes close to him, looking at her intently.] I say, surely, we've met before! MRS. OLIVER [Startled, but speaking lightly.] Why, no. I should have remembered. TOM So should I! [Looks at her earnestly.] But I've seen you somewhere. [Handing her the glass of vichy and raising his own glass. ] Here's to you! [As she takes hers, her hand trembles so that she spills a little.] Why, how your hand shakes ! You're tired sit down here a moment." [Takes glass and makes her sit on centre seat.] You'd better have the whiskey"? [Tries to give her his glass.] MRS. OLIVER [Rallying herself and taking the vichy which she drinks quickly.] Nonsense! You're the one no THE MARRIAGE GAME who was just complaining of "nerves" ! You were looking when I came down just now, as tho' you found life well difficult! TOM [Looking into his glass.} I was when you came down! MRS. OLIVER [Briskly.} Perhaps I'd better go up again? TOM No! No! [Suddenly confidential.} Tell me you've been married you are married what is it makes the thing so darned difficult*? MRS. OLIVER [Equally frank and direct.} Well, there are a number of things, unfortunately. But there are on the other hand one or two things that can make marriage easy and pleasant. TOM [Trying to conceal his eagerness.} Men mention one or two won't you? MRS. OLIVER [Lightly, but with meaning.} Well, one one is a surface. I think one should cultivate a THE MARRIAGE GAME ill surface in married life a finish, a gloss not an enamel, that's too hard, and a varnish is artificial but a soft polish like that one sees on the best furniture, and one should be exceedingly careful not to let anything scratch or mar that surface. In marriage a surface is what the entente cordiale is in the diplomatic service. A wife should main- tain a constant entente cordiale with her husband and be as careful not to break it as if she were maintaining a European peace. TOM You know, I think that's corking. Why, there's everything in having a surface! MRS. OLIVER On the other hand, the qualities that go to make marriage a success, are all under the surface, like icebergs, four-fifths of which are out of sight aren't they 1 ? TOM I don't know! I think you're out of sight! You hit the nail on the head every time. A fel- low could [Pulls himself up sharply.] How is it you understand so much more than women, usually do*? 112 THE MARRIAGE GAME MRS. OLIVER [Rising rather abruptly and putting her veil round her hat.} I don't know. Because I keep my eyes open, I suppose. Aren't we going on deck? TOM [Joyfully, as she looks at him over her shoul- der.] I know where I saw you before! It was you in Packy's motor-car this afternoon, passing the University Club. Of course! [Moment's pause.] I didn't know you knew old Packy! MRS. OLIVER [Speaking with difficulty.] Didn't you see him introduced to me on deck this afternoon? TOM Why, yes, I remember now. And yet I could have sworn to the veil and hat. I admired the glimpse I had of you so much, that I remember saying, "There goes old Packy with another pretty woman." [Suddenly catching a glimpse of her face, as she turns away] Don't go! What have I said? [Seizing her hand, which she tries to withdraw] I beg your THE MARRIAGE GAME 113 pardon. What if you were in Packy's motor, you don't think I meant anything wrong? [As she struggles to withdraw her hand, RACIE opens her door and comes out. MRS. OLIVER pulls her hand away and runs upstairs. TOM runs up hastily after her, still saying:] Please! Mrs. Oliver! [Neither sees RACIE.] [INGRAHAM enters R., stops as he sees RACIE, whose back is to him, as she stands staring after them.] INGRAHAM Everything all right now, Racie*? RACIE [Turning a tragic face.] No. Everything's wrong. You were right about the consolation- parties, Inky. I've just found Tom holding Mrs. Oliver's hand. INGRAHAM [Jumping.] Holding Mrs. Oliver's hand? RACIE Yes! . . . and both of them were frightfully upset. ii4 THE MARRIAGE GAME MRS. OLIVER'S VOICE [Above.] I'll be back in a moment. INGRAHAM Sssh! Here she comes! [As MRS. OLIVER appears at the head of the companionway.} Go on deck by the other staircase. Leave us to- gether. RACIE But, Inky INGRAHAM Do as I say [RACIE exits as MRS. OLIVER descends.} INGRAHAM [Stepping forward and intercepting MRS. OLIVER, who looks nervously about, anxious to find her suit-case.} Pardon me, Mrs. Oliver, but could you spare me one moment'? MRS. OLIVER [Quietly.} Certainly, Mr. Ingraham, as many as you like, but I can save you several. INGRAHAM How can you do that*? THE MARRIAGE GAME 115 MRS. OLIVER [With dignity.] Because I think I know what you want to say to me. INGRAHAM \With determined lightness. ,] What will you wager that you do*? MRS. OLIVER Anything a pair of gloves. INGRAHAM Done! MRS. OLIVER [Defiantly.'] You're going to tell me that you find your boat won't accommodate as many guests as you had supposed, and that during the remain- der of your trip, you must forego the pleasure of my society. INGRAHAM [Spreading out his fingers.] I only wear seven and a half, though you mightn't think it. MRS. OLIVER [Surprised.] Do you mean I've lost 1 ? You weren't going to say that perhaps not, now since I've said it for you. ii6 THE MARRIAGE GAME INGRAHAM Oh, come, Mrs. Oliver, you don't think I'd shuffle about a bet. MRS. OLIVER [Quickly.} I beg your pardon. Well, what were you going to say to me? INGRAHAM [Very gently.] Instead of asking you to leave I was going to ask if you'd mind telling me how you happened to come? MRS. OLIVER [Still defiant.] Surely Mr. Packard ex- plained that*? INGRAHAM Yes, but, after all, he gave me his version, not yours. MRS. OLIVER [Looking at him intently for a moment.] That's very kind of you, very kind. [Sits C.] INGRAHAM Everyone has a right to be heard. THE MARRIAGE GAME 117 MRS. OLIVER [Lifting her head with a dignity. "\ You cer- tainly have a right to an explanation. Most men would have demanded it when I came on board. INGRAHAM And made a scene? [Shrugs.] A man may commit murder, under provocation, but he may not make a scene. MRS. OLIVER I'd have gone away then if there'd been any way open. I I don't like forcing myself on people, Mr. Ingraham. INGRAHAM Oh, please, Mrs. Oliver, I saw the situation was as difficult for you as it was for me. MRS. OLIVER Mr. Packard made a dreadful blunder, I can't yet see how! He told me that he had the loan of a friend's yacht over the week-end, and that there'd be no one but ourselves! He couldn't have known that his wife . . . ii8 THE MARRIAGE GAME INGRAHAM [Hastily.] No, no, of course not. He thought it was a a different kind of a party alto- gether a bachelor-party. MRS. OLIVER How horrible! INGRAHAM [Distressed.] Oh, why discuss what Packy may have thought? MRS. OLIVER Have I come to that! To be taken for the sort of woman who goes to bachelor-parties, rowdy, vulgar, champagne-drinking affairs? INGRAHAM Packy's an ass! I told him so, but after all MRS. OLIVER [Looks up quickly.} You think there's no difference between my coming with him alone and coming with him on a party, such as I've just described? [Stopping him as he is about to answer.] Mr. Ingraham, I lead my own life I'm answerable to no one. I don't adhere to the THE MARRIAGE GAME 119 established code of morals, but I have standards of my own. I haven't lost my self-respect. I lead a quiet, exclusive life. . . . INGRAHAM [As frankly and simply as she.} But you ... er ... do lead it? I wonder, without impertinence or curiosity, I wonder why*? MRS. OLIVER [Slowly.] Don't think that I took it up de- liberately, or that it's what I should most prefer. Do me the justice to believe that. I took the step which shaped my life when I was young, alone, impatient of obstacles. I wanted my share in the beauty and the happiness of the world. I thought I couldn't live in sordidness and loneli- ness, utterly without affection. I claim entire freedom in my way of living, but I do feel that the dignity with which I condition it, makes a sort of career for it. Of course the prudes and the moralists will never agree to this, but you . . . [Looks at his face a moment and then drops her eyes.] I see. . . . You're like the rest. You recognize no degrees in a life like mine. Once a woman steps outside the conven- tional pale she's black, black as the ace of spades. 120 THE MARRIAGE GAME You're all the same, you men, you're all color blind. [She walks a step or two away.] INGRAHAM [After a moment's r pause, gently.'] You're wrong there, Mrs. Oliver. We're not color blind some men have quite an eye for color. They know the difference between black and grey, for instance, perfectly. They even admire some shades of pale grey, [bows kindly to her] very much. But they have decreed that white's the wear for their women folk, and white alone. You can't deceive the world about white. The least spot or stain shows on it any one can see at a glance whether it's white or not. You may abuse men for selecting such a troublesome, ex- pensive color, when there are so many serviceable, work-a-day shades that won't show spots or stains. Men have queer notions, perhaps, but they're not color blind. [Hurrying on as MRS. OLIVER starts to speak.] Do please understand me. I'm not sitting in judgment on you. After a sheltered, comfortable life, in which you hadn't even to think for yourself, you had to choose, somewhere, sometime, between hardship and lux- ury, between fending for yourself and allowing THE MARRIAGE GAME 121 some one else to fend for you. You made your choice. MRS. OLIVER [Lifting her head.} And I'm paying for it, Mr. Ingraham. Don't make any mistake about that. One pays for what one gets in this world. Of course I don't complain INGRAHAM No, you wouldn't. I can see that it's an odd sort of satisfaction to you that you do pay! You believe in a quid pro quo. MRS. OLIVER [Dryly.] It exists in most relationships in life whether you believe in it or not. INGRAHAM [Thoughtfully.} What you said about your self-respect is true. A woman of your caliber never goes the easy, greedy, down-hill way of the weakling. Whatever you do, you do well. You have the artist's instinct for perfection [Rising.] and that's what makes you so dangerous. MRS. OLIVER [Rising also.] Mr. Ingraham! 122 THE MARRIAGE GAME INGRAHAM I'm worried about my brother-in-law. He and my sister have quarrelled, they'll make a mess of their happiness if somebody doesn't stand by and help them. I'm standing by. [She starts to speak.] I know you mean no harm. But Tom's a little off his head, and the society of an artist in charm [She smiles rather sadly.] I must seem an ungracious host. MRS. OLIVER To an uninvited guest? INGRAHAM \ Kindly.} Sssh! We'll forget all that. Why, I've talked to you like an old friend; I trust you, and I trust Tom. There's a chance of him and Racie coming together again, and as long as there's a chance, I'll stand by. MRS. OLIVER And I'll help you. [They shake hands.} But frankly, Mr. Ingraham, your sister's just throwing her husband at the head of the first woman who looks at him. THE MARRIAGE GAME 123 INGRAHAM I don't know what gets into the married women. They act like spoiled children. No wonder they can't compete with a a woman like you! MRS. OLIVER Oh, please, I'm not competing with them. INGRAHAM Perhaps not, but see how it works out. Mrs. Frost nags her husband and belittles him, you show him a little appreciation, and he's putty in your hands; Mrs. Packard neglects Packy for bridge, he invites you to spend week-ends with him; Racie sends Tom to Coventry on the top- floor, and is surprised that he doesn't want a return ticket. If she'd only meet him half-way ! MRS. OLIVER I might give her a few object-lessons! INGRAHAM No! No! No! You promised! MRS. OLIVER And I'll keep my word. Where can you land me? 124 THE MARRIAGE GAME INGRAHAM If this fog holds off, we'll make New London before tomorrow morning. MRS. OLIVER And I'll go ashore early. INGRAHAM Having first received a telegram. MRS. OLIVER Of course. A telegram saying that Mr. Oliver is dangerously ill. INGRAHAM [Quickly.} Don't let him die, please! I'd rather you weren't left a widow at this juncture. [MRS. FROST enters suddenly from passage- way R., with an apron on, a sauce'pan in one hand, and an armful of mustard boxes.} INGRAHAM [As she drops two boxes.] Allow me. [Picks them up.} What have you here*? MRS. FROST Mustard. You said I might ask the cook for anything I wanted. THE MARRIAGE GAME 125 INGRAHAM By all means. ... Is it ... is it for a rare- bit? MRS. FROST Rarebit! No! For Charlie! A plaster for his chest. Haven't you heard him coughing"? MRS. OLIVER [Surprised.] I hadn't noticed it. MRS. FROST A dreadful hollow bark! He would stay on deck in this horrid fog! He'll be lucky if he doesn't have tonsilitis. [Glares at MRS. OLIVER and hurries into her stateroom, dropping another box as she shuts the door.] MRS. OLIVER [As INGRAHAM returns to her.] He'll be lucky if he doesn't have that mustard plaster. I think instead of having a telegram, /'// have tonsilitis. INGRAHAM No, nothing catching. We'd be quarantined. A sprained ankle would be simpler. 126 THE MARRIAGE GAME MRS. OLIVER The very thing! Your stairs were especially built for it. INGRAHAM But can you fall down them and sprain your ankle, without really spraining it? MRS. OLIVER Of course I can! I shan't really hurt myself, but you'll all think I have ! [They speak almost in whispers, glancing at MRS. FROST'S door.} INGRAHAM Then it won't do for you to go ashore. MRS. OLIVER On the contrary, I'll have to catch the first train to New York, to have it put in plaster. INGRAHAM Good! There's a train from New London at six. MRS. OLIVER Then I'll have a bad night and leave before the others are up. THE MARRIAGE GAME 127 INGRAHAM [Courteously.] .You'll permit me to escort you? MRS. OLIVER [Firmly, but with a grateful look.] You must stay here to make the explanations. Jenks can put me on the train. INGRAHAM [Looks at watch.} Do you prefer to fall be- fore or after dinner? There'll hardly be time before, will there? MRS. OLIVER Oh yes, the sooner, the better. [Starts up the steps.] INGRAHAM I'll stand ready to pick you up, then. MRS. OLIVER [Over her shoulder in a loud whisper.] Don't! It would look as though we planned it. [She goes up.} INGRAHAM Right! [PACKARD and FROST enter from R.] 128 THE MARRIAGE GAME PACKY I say, Inky, what's the matter with met him on the deck just now and he glared at me and said I was no gentleman. FROST Said he was getting off at New London, and going back to New York. INGRAHAM We're a good way from New London yet [MRS. OLIVER, uttering a little cry, falls from the top of the steps to the bottom and lands with one foot bent under her.] INGRAHAM AND PACKY [Together.] Oh ah! FROST [Rushing to her.] My dear Mrs. Oliver! TOM [Running down steps.] You're not hurt? PACKY By Jove, she's fainted! [MRS. OLIVER'S eyes are closed.] THE MARRIAGE GAME 129 INGRAHAM [Quickly approaching.] Oh, I think not. It's only . . MRS. OLIVER [Opening her eyes at the sound of his voice, and speaking faintly.] Only a sprained ankle! [Tries to move her foot, and winces, giving a very real groan.] [INGRAHAM beams.] TOM AND PACKY We'll lift you! Now, all together. [They and FROST support MRS. OLIVER to seat C.] MRS. FROST [Entering from stateroom.] [Sternly.] Charles! What is this? FROST Come and help Mrs. Oliver, Emily. She has fallen! MRS. FROST "Fallen"! Fallen downstairs, you mean? [Her face relaxes, she kneels down, sauce- pan in hand, as RACIE and MRS. PACKARD 130 THE MARRIAGE GAME come down the steps. MRS. OLIVER hastily covers her ankles with her skirt.} MRS. PACKARD [Coming forward.] What is it a sprained ankle! [All the women come to the seat.] MRS. OLIVER [Quickly protecting her foot.] Please don't touch it ! I can't bear for you to touch it. MRS. PACKARD Nonsense! It must be bandaged. I'll band- age it. Bandages, Racie. Emily, take away that saucepan and fetch me some water. Clear out, you men! [She rolls up her sleeves com- petently. RACIE and MRS. FROST exeunt to the stateroom. TOM and FROST go up steps arguing "She ought to step on it" "She oughtn't to step on it" MRS. PACKARD goes up stage and gets towels from her stateroom.] The bandages should be damp. MRS. OLIVER [Desperately, aside to INGRAHAM.] I can't have it bandaged! Help me to my stateroom! THE MARRIAGE GAME 131 [She struggles up, puts her foot to the floor and nearly faints. To INGRAHAM.] Some sherry, quick ! INGRAHAM [Speaks at sideboard.] What an actress you are! You almost fooled me! [She snatches the opportunity, while he is pouring out the sherry, to pull of her stocking, and as he brings her the sherry, the women re-enter.] MRS. PACKARD [Bustling back with her sleeves rolled up, fol- lowed by MRS. FROST and RACIE with damp bandages.] Now, Mr. Ingraham, we shan't need you! [Kneeling down by MRS. OLIVER as IN- GRAHAM exits with glass.] Stocking already off? [Examines the ankle.] Good! It hasn't had time to swell yet! [Begins bandaging.] I'm afraid this means no rubber tonight, but we can play all day tomorrow. You must give me my revenge ! MRS. OLIVER [Wincing.] You're getting your revenge now by being so good to me! 132 THE MARRIAGE GAME MRS. PACKARD Good? When I'm hurting you like the deuce. There! That's as tight as I can make it. Will you see if you can step on it*? [As MRS. OLIVER rises, and lowers her band- aged foot to the floor, MRS. PACKARD picks up the empty stocking and runs her arm and hand mechanically into it to turn u.} Here's your stock [She glances at it, stops abruptly. MRS. OLIVER looks back at MRS. PACKARD, sees the stocking too, and gives a sharp cry.] MRS. OLIVER Oh! RACIE [Springing forward.'] Lean on me! [MRS. FROST also comes forward, and MRS. OLIVER, stumbling between her and RACIE, gains her own door. MRS. PACK- ARD remains kneeling, staring at the stocking on her arm, and taking the other stocking from her pocket, compares the two.] THE MARRIAGE GAME 133 MRS. OLIVER [Faintly.] Thank you thank you all! I'll be better alone now! [She vanishes inside the door, leaving RACIE and MRS. FROST outside. Surprised, they turn to MRS. PACKARD, who rises and holds out the stockings on her extended arms.] MRS. PACKARD Girls! Do you see this? MRS. FROST Mrs. Oliver's stocking? MRS. PACKARD Mrs. Oliver's stockings! And Mrs. Oliver's suit-case, too! Oh! She's been making nice fools of us laughing at us in her sleeve she and our husbands RACIE What? What! MRS. FROST Our husbands ! MRS. PACKARD [Rising to her feet.] Yes! If it was Packy who brought her here, I notice Charlie and Tom 134 THE MARRIAGE GAME haven't allowed him to spend much time in her society ! RACIE AND MRS. FROST No, they haven't. You're right! They haven't. [Ton and FROST run down, followed by PACKY, to find MRS. PACKARD, RACIE, and MRS. FROST facing them with blazing eyes.] TOM [Hurrying to RACIE.] What is the mat- ter? RACIE [Shrinking back.] Oh, Tom, I trusted you! MRS. FROST [Sternly.] Charles! I suspected you! MRS. PACKARD [To PACKY, who remains transfixed, open- mouthed, gazing at the suit-case.] I'm glad you have the grace not to open your mouth! [He shuts it.] These stockings [She flourishes her arms.] You see these stockings THE MARRIAGE GAME 135 PACKY [Stammering.] I see see them for the first time, Carrie, I swear! MRS. PACKARD That's not your fault, I'll wager! Anyway, you all saw 'em just now when that woman pre- tended to sprain her ankle FROST "That woman" ! TOM "Pretended" ! MRS. PACKARD Yes, pretended! Oh, this isn't the first time she's fallen, the clever creature ! Such a bridge- player, too ! She made a fool of me, but not for long. [Throws the stockings down and> turning \ sees INGRAHAM, who comes down and stands sur- veying the scene.} Mr. Ingraham, I must ask you to stop when you reach New London, and let me off there. My connection with this cruise is at an end. [Sails to her stateroom door.] MRS. FROST [Same.] And mine! 136 THE MARRIAGE GAME RACIE [Same, sobbing.} And m-m-ine! [As the three women disappear, each in her own room, all three doors are slammed in quick succession, and in the silence, while the men stand speechless, staring at each other, three bolts are heard to shoot.} TOM AND INGRAHAM [Savagely to PACKY.] Now you've done it! FROST [Bewildered.} What's Packy done? INGRAHAM [Shouts at him.} You poor innocent ! Don't you know yet?, CURTAIN END OF ACT II ACT III TIME: Before sunrise, the following morning. SCENE: The saloon of The Bachelor below, and the deck, above. In the saloon, which is deserted, a single electric light is burning. Out- side the closed doors of the three staterooms, three loaded dinner-trays stand, untouched. Above, the light begins to show in the east, deepens into rose-color and sunrise during the ensuing scene. FROST and TOM and PACKARD are huddled un- comfortably under steamer-rugs, in steamer- chairs, stretched along the front of the deck, INGRAHAM is doubled up on the skylight seat. All are dozing, rousing at intervals to fight the mosquitoes. After a moment, FROST rises stealthily from his chair, and taking great care not to rouse the others, tiptoes along the deck toward the com- panionway. He reappears down in the cabin, 138 THE MARRIAGE GAME slips, recovers himself, tiptoes to the middle door, listens, steps accidentally in the tray, jumps back, then taps on the panel of the door. Silence. FROST [Putting his mouth to the keyhole and speaking in a piercing whisper.] Emily! Emily, I say! It's I Charlie. [Pause.] Emily, I insist on your opening the door! [Louder.] This is ri- diculous ! I want some more clothes. I am cold ! You are entirely mistaken about my conduct, which was blameless! [Sneezes.] Open the door. [Sneezes again.] You won't? [Si- lence.] Very well! [Withdraws with great dignity, giving a couple of hollow coughs as he goes up steps, and sto'pping to watch the door after each cough. As he disappears, the electric bell from MRS. OLIVER'S stateroom rings. JENKS appears almost immediately from Passage-way R., drawing on his jacket as he comes. He seems very gloomy, and regards with intense disapproval the tray outside RACIE'S door before tapping at MRS. OLIVER'S. The door opens slightly.] THE MARRIAGE GAME 139 JENKS You rang, ma'am? MRS. OLIVER [Opening door wider and disclosing herself in negligee and lace cap.] Yes, Jenks! Where are we now? JENKS Anchored off New London, ma'am. It's close on four o'clock. MRS. OLIVER [Handing him a note.~\ Will you give this to Mr. Ingraham, Jenks, as soon as he wakes? JENKS [Glumly.] He's awake now, ma'am. I don't think he's ever been asleep. None of the gentle- men has, ma'am! The mosquitoes are somethin' awful ! MRS. OLIVER I hadn't noticed them. JENKS Not down here, p'raps but on deck ! MRS. OLIVER On deck? 140 THE MARRIAGE GAME JENKS [Gloomily.] They're all sleepin' on deck, the men are. They ain't got no other place to sleep. [Glowers at the closed doors.} You won't have some coffee or anything, ma'am? MRS. OLIVER Nothing, thank you, Jenks. [Closes door.} [JENKS, shaking his fist at the closed doors, exits R., as FROST comes creeping along the upper deck, and, with infinite precautions to reach his chair unnoticed, trips over the foot of TOM'S chair and falls over TOM.] TOM [Rousing up^ and hitting out violently.} Oh, hang these blasted mosquitoes! Don't they ever sleep? [FROST crawls quickly under his rug and pre- tends to be sleeping soundly. Eight bells are struck.} VOICE OF THE WATCH [From the forward deck.} "Eight bells and all's well." THE MARRIAGE GAME 141 PACKY "Well"? Hell! I haven't slept a wink. [Sits up suddenly.] Who could, in that thing? [Bangs foot of steamer-chair down and rises.} FROST [Pretending to rouse from slumber.] I say, you fellows! How can I sleep if you throw things? PACKY [Sitting on skylight seat, and lighting a cigar.] Who's throwin' things? INGRAHAM [Crossing over.] Here, Packy, take the bench ! I thought I saw you prowling about, Frost. Been down to parley with the enemy? PACKY Meanin' our wives? FROST [Indignantly.] How can you suggest such a thing. It would be most undignified! Besides, they're asleep ! 142 THE MARRIAGE GAME PACKY [Resentfully, killing a mosquito.} Ho! They can sleep ! Look at us ! TOM [Exploding.} You don't deserve to sleep! Getting us all into a mess like this ! PACKY That's right! You jump on me, too! You're as bad as the women were last night ! [He strolls off toward the rail, smoking.} FROST [Pensively.} I never was so surprised! How anybody could object to the presence on board of a lady like Mrs. Oliver . . . TOM [Interrupts.} Oh, come, Charlie, you couldn't call her that exactly FROST [Hotly.} But I do. I'll swear that, however she happened to come, she is a lady, and a thor- oughbred ! THE MARRIAGE GAME 143 INGRAHAM [Pleased.] Right, Charlie! You're a thor- oughbred yourself, when it comes to "thinking no evil" ! FROST [Embarrassed.] You you never can tell! Suppose a a a man tries to kill his mother-in- law, how do you know she didn't try to kill him first? TOM [Bitterly.] It's a pity our wives aren't more like Charlie. They seemed very ready to think the worst of us, without giving us a chance to explain. FROST But we haven't anything to explain ! TOM [Same.] Why can't they find that out before they rush off and bolt themselves in? PACKY [Coming down.] Yes! It's hard to be un- justly blamed, when one is innocent. Queer, too. Just the one time when I hadn't 144 THE MARRIAGE GAME INGRAHAM Oh, shut up, Packy! Being unjustly blamed is a novelty for you ! TOM It's beastly unfair, just the same, and I won't stand for it! [Rises.] Any woman that bolts doors on her husband needn't think she'll find him on the mat the next morning! Let's. cut out the rest of the trip and take the six o'clock express back to town! [INGRAHAM disturbed.] PACKY By Jove ! That's a good idea ! FROST [Rising majestically and imitating MRS. PACK- ARD.] "Mr. Ingraham, I must ask you to let me off at New London my connection with this cruise is at an end." PACKY [Eagerly.] And Inky can explain to the la- dies after we're gone ! INGRAHAM Oh ! I'm to explain to a row of closed doors, THE MARRIAGE GAME 145 am I? while you skip off to town, you miser- able bunch of quitters, you ! PACKY Don't get peeved, Inky ! After all, it was you who started all this in the first place INGRAHAM I started it? PACKY With your telegrams TOM And your telephone messages FROST And your theories about "Zurich in the olden time" ! PACKY [To Ingraham.} We all know how you love to play the diplomat ! Like most #/2married peo- ple, you think you're hell-on-wheels when it comes to giving married people advice INGRAHAM Don't talk to me about married people ! Of all the ungrateful serpents on this earth, married peo- 146 THE MARRIAGE GAME pie are the worst ! If ever I try to meddle in their affairs again, may I be everlastingly FROST [Mildly. ] Blessed are the peace-makers, Inky ! INGRAHAM [Bitterly.} I'm a great little peace-maker! Look at this boat! [Waves his hand round.} And this was a pleasure-trip ! TOM Since when was this a pleasure-trip? INGRAHAM Not since you came on board, Tom ! PACKY [Groans.] Not since I heard Carrie's voice down in the cabin. FROST A pleasure trip with Emily? It can't be done. PACKY Where do you keep that old brandy, Inky*? INGRAHAM In the sideboard locker. [Hands key.] THE MARRIAGE GAME 147 [PACKY exits Left, FROST and TOM Right, as JENKS comes on L. with the note, which he hands to INGRAHAM.] INGRAHAM [Reading note.] Jenks, Mrs. Oliver wishes to go ashore in time for the six o'clock train. Have the launch manned and at the side in half an hour. I wish you to go with Mrs. Oliver to the train, and see yourself that she is made thoroughly comfortable. JENKS All right, sir. An' if anybody else wants to go, sir? INGRAHAM Say that the launch will make a second trip, and, Jenks [meaningly] keep the launch ashore till the last train for New York has left. You understand? JENKS [Grins and winks.] Aye, aye, sir! [They exeunt together R. as PACKY enters cabin from R. below, and after looking all about the cabin, tiptoes to MRS. FROST'S stateroom door and applies himself to the keyhole.] 148 THE MARRIAGE GAME PACKY [Cautiously.] I I say, old girl! I say, Car- rie! Drop it, won't you*? This is all rot! I swear to you that I'm entirely innocent this time ! And I'm going to turn over a new leaf. [Chang- ing suddenly from one foot to another, as a mos- quito bites his ankle. ,] Damn it ! No, I didn't mean that! [Cajolingly '.] Can you hear me, old girl? [Straightens up, sees the card on the door.] Oh Lord, Mrs. Frost! I beg your par- don! My mistake! [Moves backwards and stumbles into RACIE'S tray, with a clatter. ,] TOM [Running down the steps and finding PACKY trying to rise, clinging to the handle of RACIE'S door.] What are you doing there, Packy*? That's not your stateroom! PACKY [Desperately.] I don't seem to be able to find mine! TOM [Helping him up.] You've had too much brandy ! THE MARRIAGE GAME 149 PACKY I haven't had any yet! [Looking ruefully at the tray.] I'm afraid I've spoilt Mrs. Upde- graff's dinner. TOM [Inspecting tray.} She hadn't touched it! [As PACKY goes down to the sideboard and takes the brandy from the locker, TOM draws a card from his pocket, scribbles a couple of lines on it, and watching till PACKY'S back is turned, slips it under RACIE'S door.] PACKY [At sideboard, pouring out brandy.] Have some 4 ? TOM No, thanks. [Goes R. and exits.] [As PACKY is about to drink off a glass of brandy the handle of MRS. FROST'S door turns, the door opens very slightly and her arm is thrust out. PACKY sets down the brandy and exits noisily, Right. The arm comes further out and claws a dish off the tray in front of the door, with a 150 THE MARRIAGE GAME rattle of china. MRS. PACKARD'S door now opens and a listening head is thrust out it opens a little wider, and MRS. PACKARD is visible wearing a practical- looking wadded bath-robe. She and MRS. FROST, who wears a blue flannel wrapper, and has her hair in curl papers^ lean from their doors to each other.] MRS. PACKARD [Listening.} What was that? MRS. FROST [With a saucer of coffee- jelly in her hand of which she partakes ravenously.] Only me, Car- rie. Aren't you nearly starved? [Comes down C.] MRS. PACKARD [Coming down.] No, I couldn't eat. I'm being eaten! [Kills a mosquito. \ Where are the men? MRS. FROST Somewhere on deck. I thought I heard Charlie cough. [In a whisper, taking MRS. PACKARD'S elbow.} Carrie, where is she? THE MARRIAGE GAME 151 MRS. PACKARD [Pom t 'ing to stateroom L.] In there. She couldn't very well leave before daylight. MRS. FROST Do you think she heard what you said, last night? MRS. PACKARD Unless the woman's stone deaf, Emily, she heard ! I hope she did ! [RACIE'S door opens, and RACIE, in a be- witching pink negligee and cap, but with a very troubled face, looks cautiously out.} MRS. FROST [In penetrating tones.] S-s-s-h-h-h! There she is now. MRS. PACKARD No, it's Racie! RACIE [Stealing out.] Where are we*? [Sees card under her door and picks it up surreptitiously.] MRS. PACKARD Anchored off New London, I think. Isn't that the Beacon? 152 THE MARRIAGE GAME [As she and MRS. FROST exeunt to s'py thro 1 the port-hole, RACIE comes down to C. seat and reads her note unobserved. RACIE "This is the second time you've bolted a door on me. There won't be any third time. I'm off ! Tom." [Repeats.] "There won't be any third time" ! [She crumples the note and looks around in terror.] Oh, what shall I do! Inky told me not to raise barriers ! What shall I do"? [MRS. FROST and MRS. PACKARD reappear. MRS. FROST takes another dish of her tray and comes down, eating. MRS. PACKARD comes down C.] MRS. PACKARD As soon as it's day-light we can get the sailors to row us ashore. RACIE [Begins to cry.] Oh, I'm so miserable! MRS. FROST [Taking another dish from tray and coming to RACIE, her face beaming with delight.'] You poor dear child! What is it? THE MARRIAGE GAME 153 MRS. PACKARD Nonsense! I don't see what you've got to be miserable about. If you'd been made a fool of like me RACIE I've made a fool of myself ! What shall I do'? MRS. PACKARD That's easy enough. The first thing is to get home. MRS. FROST Go home and leave Charlie on the boat with that woman? MRS. PACKARD Don't be a goose, Emily. She won't stay after we go! This boat's the safest place you could leave Charlie, now. RACIE [Anxiously.] But after you get home, Car- rie? MRS. PACKARD That's not so easy. I've written a letter to my lawyers RACIE [In a suppressed shriek. \ Carrie! 154 THE MARRIAGE GAME MRS. FROST [Delighted.} Stop! Carrie! I can't listen to another word! Go on! MRS. PACKARD [After a moment's silence. .] I've done a lot of thinking between fighting mosquitoes, and I've come to the conclusion that there's no use side- stepping facts. Packy and I've been as good as divorced this long time MRS. FROST [Severely.] As bad as divorced, you mean, Carrie! MRS. PACKARD And I've realized I'm not the woman to hold such a man as Packy. [Laughs grimly.] My mirror and this morning light did something to convince me of that. I wonder what face-wash that woman uses? ... If I were to try another kind of corset . . . I've been letting go of my- self, lately. I wonder if I were to try that face massage . . . but those things take so much time! And after all, why should I try to keep Packy hitched up, if he wants to break away? THE MARRIAGE GAME 155 MRS. FROST [ Tartly. ] Why ? Because it's good for him ! [She is again gobbling the contents of the saucer.} MRS. PACKARD Have you found much satisfaction in being good for your husband, Emily? MRS. FROST [Eating. ,] I've had the comfort of knowing I've done my duty by him ! MRS. PACKARD But has he had much comfort out of it, do you think? MRS. FROST [At her door, depositing dish on tray.} I never thought of that! MRS. PACKARD Well, give it a thought now and then ! Come on, Racie dear, we'd better dress. [MRS. FROST exits into her stateroom. RACIE intercepts MRS. PACKARD.] 156 THE MARRIAGE GAME RACIE [Timidly.] Carrie! I don't believe face- wash and massage are so important, though they help. Perhaps if you and Packy cared more about the same things MRS. PACKARD [Cynically.] Same things'? Packy's never cared for anything but motors and women. RACIE Perhaps if you'd cared more for motors he'd have cared less for women. If Tom cared for motors I'd be willing to eat and sleep in them if that would make him spend his spare time with me and not with men. MRS. PACKARD [Entering her stateroom.] You can be thank- ful it's with men. RACIE I can't be thankful for anything now ! [Sits forlornly down on centre seat and be- gins to cry quietly among the cushions. The handle of MRS. OLIVER'S door turns noiselessly and MRS. OLIVER comes softly out. She is dressed to go ashore, in hat, THE MARRIAGE GAME 157 veil and ulster, and walks with a slight limp, but crosses the stage swiftly, and without seeing RACIE among the cushions. She has ascended the first step of the com- panionway, when a muffled sob reaches her ear; she turns quickly and sees RACIE. She pauses for a moment, ascends another step as if to hurry away unseen, then pauses again, and turning quickly, de- scends the steps and comes down C.] MRS. OLIVER [Touching RACIE'S arm.] Mrs. Updegraff! Why are you crying? RACIE [Raises her head, indignant when she sees who it is.] Oh, it's you! I'm not crying. MRS. OLIVER \Indulg ently.~\ Oh, oh"? you're not crying! Then why are you not crying? RACIE [Rising and trying to pass.] Excuse me! I can't possibly tell you anything! 158 THE MARRIAGE GAME MRS. OLIVER [Impatiently, and detaining her.] Oh! Leave me out of the question. It's you who mat- ter. Listen to me ! If you've made a blunder RACIE Oh, if we talk of blunders MRS. OLIVER I tell you, leave me out! Supposing I have blundered, is that any reason why I should see you making a muddle of your life you who have everything youth, beauty, love will you kindly tell me why you are crying? RACIE [Suddenly breaking down.] Marriage is so difficult! MRS. OLIVER "Difficult" ! If ever there was a marriage on velvet it's yours and you've no excuse for not making it the greatest success in the world! RACIE [Forgetting herself.] But how*? How? THE MARRIAGE GAME 159 MRS. OLIVER [Sitting down beside her.} I can tell you how not. Don't make mountains out of molehills. RACIE You don't call one's wedding anniversary a "molehill"? MRS. OLIVER [Smiling.] It's not so important as the thing it stands for, is it? [Brushes RACIE'S hair out of her eyes.] So long as your husband doesn't for- get that he is married to you, so long as he shows you every day of his life that he hasn't forgotten what that wedding stood for what do you care about the date? [Turns a little away from RACIE and speaks rapidly.] I once heard of a man whose wife did care about dates. He wired to a little friend with whom he had made a week- end engagement in Paris: "For Heaven's sake change date. Forgot domestic anniversary. Quite free next week." And he was! RACIE [Slowly.] Free to go to Paris with another woman? 160 THE MARRIAGE GAME MRS. OLIVER It's the husband who carefully observes domes- tic anniversaries, however they bore him, who is always "quite free next week!" RACIE [Same.] If I thought my husband could ever do that! MRS. OLIVER It's all in your own hands ! Ah, my dear . . . [With emotion.} If I were starting out in life with a strong, clean, spirited fellow like that my husband wouldn't know there was another woman but me in the world ! [RACIE, moved, is about to s^peak, when MRS. FROST and MRS. PACKARD enter from their respective staterooms, in hats and coats. They meet each other, and come down.} MRS. FROST Carrie! Carrie! I think it would be much safer if we let her go first ! I don't like leaving Charlie on the boat with that woman ! [Sees RACIE and MRS. OLIVER and breaks off abruptly. MRS. OLIVER rises swiftly, then wavers, her face showing great pain.} THE MARRIAGE GAME 161 RACIE [Springing to steady her.] Oh, your ankle is paining you! You did sprain it, didn't you? MRS. OLIVER [Nodding.} Yes! MRS. PACKARD You're not going to believe that, are you, Racie? MRS. FROST [Crosses to table.] Come away! Can't you see it's a part of her game*? RACIE [Indignantly.] How can you, Emily? Mrs. Oliver hasn't any game! MRS. PACKARD [Crossing also.] Oh, hasn't she? Anything that a woman undertakes to do is her game. Some of them don't succeed very well. [They both sit.] MRS. OLIVER [Recovering from the pain, rises and faces MRS. PACKARD.] You're quite right, Mrs. Packard. 162 THE MARRIAGE GAME Some of them don't succeed at all ! What about yours the marriage game how do you succeed in that? MRS. PACKARD Our game? MRS. OLIVER [With spirit.] You married women under- take to please one man, and you don't even do that! MRS. FROST Silence ! MRS. OLIVER Well, do you? I've watched you, and I can't understand what you're about ! You're in clover, all of you, and you don't know it! You aren't in earnest, any of you! You hold "no- trump" hands, and you just make it "spades" ! MRS. PACKARD [Roused.] Oh, come, Mrs. Oliver! I draw the line there! MRS. OLIVER You're too good a bridge-player, Mrs. Pack- ard, not to know that you can't win at any game except by playing it to win! Look how a man THE MARRIAGE GAME 163 slaves over his business he doesn't hope to suc- ceed unless he puts his whole heart into it ! Why don't any of you work as hard to make marriage a success 1 ? Why don't you, once you're in it, feel that you've got to make good? And why don't you, if you fail, feel the same humiliation that a man does at bankruptcy"? After all, it's your job! And yet most women behave, when they marry, as tho' they'd finished a job, not begun it! They look on their husbands as cinched, and re- gard any effort on their part to hold them as "most undignified." Imagine a man entering a business, and feeling it beneath him to make any effort to hold that business ! MRS. FROST Oh, but in business the competition is so great ! [MRS. OLIVER casts up her MRS. PACKARD [Cynically. ] Yes, Emily, and is there no competition in marriage'? MRS. OLIVER [Earnestly.] None that a wife need fear, if she plays her game and the other woman's too. There's an incident in the life of Disraeli that 164 THE MARRIAGE GAME always touched me very much. On the night of one of his most famous parliamentary triumphs Disraeli walked home to tell his wife. The re- port had preceded him; she greeted him with joy, and escorted him in to supper. There at his place was a favorite dish which the doctors had for- bidden him to eat an unusually large bunch of his favorite flowers choice and rare wines. Other subtle and charming attentions marked the progress of the meal. After a while, Disraeli rose, crossed over to his wife and kissed her with the words: "You are more like a mistress than a wife"! Mrs. Disraeli thought that was the highest compliment she ever received ! MRS. FROST 7 think Mr. Disraeli used most improper language ! RACIE [Impulsively.'] It's a beautiful story, and I don't wonder Mrs. Disraeli was proud of it! If we studied our husbands as she did MRS. OLIVER [Softly.] There'd be no competition, Mrs. Packard. [Goes up Left.] THE MARRIAGE GAME 165 MRS. PACKARD [Suddenly, aside to MRS. FROST.] She's right! MRS. FROST Nonsense, Carrie! How can such a woman be right ! You wouldn't hold up her example would you? MRS. PACKARD No not her example, but her method. Her technique is wonderful! I've been a fool. Here's where I tip over the bridge table and start in to recapture Packy! [Rises.] I've made it too easy for him to replace me, if stockings will doit! [About to exit R.] 'MRS. FROST Don't be coarse, Carrie ! [About to follow her turns suddenly on MRS. OLIVER.] And the men"? Isn't it their fault if marriage doesn't suc- ceed? the drunkards, the rascals, the the brutes? MRS. OLIVER I'm not talking about the kind of husband from whom a wife must protect herself. I'm talking of the typical, kindly American husband, who 166 THE MARRIAGE GAME works hard, and whose wife has only to keep him and herself happy, while he is doing it. It seems so easy! So easy! And you don't do it. Nine women out of ten don't do it! Why, I could take on any one of your jobs, and make a howling success of it! [Looks round at each in turn.] Yours, or yours, or yours ! Don't be frightened ! [As MRS. FROST gives a squawk of "Charlie!" and disappears Right. MRS. PACKARD, after a mo- ment, follows her.] I'm not going to! They don't interest me much, except yours [Her voice drops to gentleness and she comes to RACIE.] Never mind the others ! They may do something towards a better adjustment, they'll never get back that first freshness which only the youth of passion knows the glory and the dream! You have it still don't kill it! It's the most won- derful thing in the world. Don't smother it under the trappings of life. Carry it naked and unashamed! Ride, like Lady Godiva, through the market-place. Men's eyes will fall before you, and they will kneel in prayer. [MRS. OLIVER gives RACIE her hand which RACIE presses, too much moved for speech, and turning away, re-enters her stateroom as MRS. PACKARD re-enters R.] THE MARRIAGE GAME 167 MRS. PACKARD [Hastily.] Mrs. Oliver, I must apologize to you! I nearly forgot to settle my bridge debt. MRS. OLIVER Oh, please, Mrs. Packard MRS. PACKARD I've a shocking bad memory, but I never forget a debt. MRS. OLIVER [Distressed.} But I haven't given you your revenge. MRS. PACKARD [Looking her between the eyes.] I don't want any revenge the account between us is closed. MRS. OLIVER [Turning away.] Thank you, but I couldn't MRS. PACKARD [Detaining her.] Mrs. Oliver, you and I played bridge together in perfect good faith. Nothing which happened before or since then can have any effect on the fact that I owe you forty 168 THE MARRIAGE GAME dollars. If I'd won, wouldn't you have settled with me? MRS. OLIVER [Hones fly.] Yes, I should, Mrs. Packard. MRS. PACKARD [Triumphantly. ~\ You see! [A -pause while she fumbles in her purse and finds only some silver and a twenty-dollar bill.] How stupid of me! MRS. OLIVER Oh! one never carries money around! MRS. PACKARD I'll send you a check I have your address. MRS. OLIVER [Gently, after a moment's pause. ~\ That wasn't my address, Mrs. Packard. I'll send you my address. MRS. PACKARD You never will! [Looks round in acute dis- tress. \ I know! [Undas'ping the string of pearls from her neck.} Take these! MRS. OLIVER [Horrified.] My dear Mrs. Packard! THE MARRIAGE GAME 169 MRS. PACKARD No, listen! They're not genuine they're only an imitation, tho' it's an awfully clever one, isn't it? [Holds them up.] But they're worth forty dollars I'm sure of that*? And if you'd be so very kind as to accept them, I'll be eternally obliged to you ! [Puts them into MRS. OLIVER'S hands with the air of a woman who will take no refusal.} There, that's settled! Good-bye! [About to exit.] MRS. OLIVER [Who has been looking closely at the pearls, raises her head.] Wait, Mrs. Packard! I can't do this! MRS. PACKARD [Turning.] But why not? MRS. OLIVER Because these pearls are real. MRS. PACKARD I said they were a good imitation MRS. OLIVER [Interrupting her.] Entirely too good. They are genuine. 170 THE MARRIAGE GAME MRS. PACKARD But I tell you MRS. OLIVER [Detaching her own string and laying them beside MRS. PACKARD'S.] Look at them beside these! MRS. PACKARD [Looks.] There's a difference in imitations, of course, but you must allow me to know my own string. Why, Packy knows, too! He changed them for me. [Pulls herself up short.] MRS. OLIVER Mrs. Packard, I'm going to tell you something I overheard quite accidentally your husband never changed those pearls. He only allowed you to think so. MRS. PACKARD [Bridling.] But that's impossible! MRS. OLIVER He made you a present of them, twice over. So you see, you can't part with them. [Returns them to MRS. PACKARD.] They are the real thing. [Clasps on her own as she turns away.] Mine are the imitation. THE MARRIAGE GAME 171 MRS. PACKARD So Packy never [Stops, moved, looks at the pearls.] Good old Packy! [Turns away, then comes back to MRS. OLIVER and holds out her hand.] Thank you! [They shake hands.] I'm more in your debt than ever ! MRS. OLIVER [With quick courtesy.] Could you spare me your cigarette-case? I said I didn't smoke, but I do, and I'll keep it to remember you by. MRS. PACKARD [Earnestly.] Do! [Presses the case into MRS. OLIVER'S hand and hurries R, pausing at door.] I shan't forget you, either, Mrs. Oliver. You you're wonderful! [Exits R. While they are talking, IN- GRAHAM has come down the companion- way. He removes his cap, and approaches MRS. OLIVER.] INGRAHAM You're the most wonderful woman in the world. You've come among us all and taught us the gospel of marriage. You've made even me see that it's the only thing worth while. 172 THE MARRIAGE GAME MRS. OLIVER It's the outsiders who sometimes see clearest! INGRAHAM Queer, isn't it, that so many people should look down on marriage, sneer at it, and think that more pleasure is to be found in irregularities! Yet, whenever a man finds a woman he really loves, he wishes to make her his wife. The other rela- tionship may do for a passing emotion, a gratified vanity, but the real thing there's nothing good enough for the real thing but marriage! MRS. OLIVER And there's nothing good enough for marriage but the real thing. Remember, "white's the only wear" [She starts up the steps and winces.] INGRAHAM You're in pain! [Remembers, laughs.] I forgot! You're such a good actress you make me feel as tho' you really had hurt yourself ! MRS. OLIVER A good actress would never show it if she had ! There's the launch! No! [As he starts to fol- THE MARRIAGE GAME 173 low her.] I'd rather go alone, please! Good- bye. [Gives him her hand which he shakes warmly.] INGRAHAM Good-bye, Mrs. Oliver! [He stands looking after her, and as she dis- appears he raises his hand to his uncovered head and salutes.] [She disappears u'fc the steps, INGRAHAM gazing after her. A few moments later she crosses the deck, pauses, and exits over the side. Enter TOM R.] TOM Inky, the others are all going ashore. They're planning a motor-trip to Harvard for Charlie's reunion RACIE [Entering from stateroom.] Tom! TOM Racie dear, we've both been idiots. Let 'em all go, and we'll have another honeymoon cruise ! [Embrace.] 174 THE MARRIAGE GAME INGRAHAM [Taking the clipping from pocket and reading from it.} "In Zurich, in the olden time" . . . CURTAIN END OF PLAY UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY Los Angeles This book is DUE on the last date stamped below. "' Form L9-20- < J,'61(C3106s4)444 s ^ LT006"626"388"6" MAR 1 ft 1958 PS